Pearl - The HYPOCRISY Of The Purity Standard

00:00:00.000 there is like a level of purity that you're just not going to be able to offer your husband 1.00

00:00:04.640 what's going on my ninjas uh today we are reacting to a woman talking about the double standards of

00:00:10.160 purity culture so i wonder um i wonder what she's going to talk about i don't know if she'll be 0.86

00:00:16.240 on the side of guys on the side of women let's see what she has to say if evangelical 1.00

00:00:20.880 christianity is a game purity culture is one of its most rigid mechanics a system where a woman's 0.99

00:00:26.720 moral value is literally tracked by how well she controls her own body while men are except 0.93

00:00:33.200 expected to resist temptation the primary burden of purity culture falls on women women are held

00:00:40.160 responsible not only for their own purity yeah because here's the thing um i don't think men

00:00:45.600 naturally crave variety i think women do and so women are tested on our ability to stay with one

00:00:52.320 man and stay monogamous where men have to overcome um their desire to be with um one woman forever

00:01:03.600 and um have more variety like in their life you know so we'll see but also for the purity of the

00:01:10.960 men around them usually by what they wear from an early age christian girls are taught that their

00:01:16.480 bodies are both sacred and dangerous they are sacred because they are vessels meant only for 0.78

00:01:21.680 a future husband and dangerous because they have the power to lead men into sin this belief manifests 0.97

00:01:27.520 in countless rules about modesty behavior and emotional restraint girls are told to cover up 0.87

00:01:33.200 to avoid being too loud too flirtatious or too assert yeah i mean that that kind of makes sense 0.92

00:01:38.720 um because women are and we're just natural you know so it kind of is on the women to stop being 0.98

00:01:44.400 whores um and women will never do it uh the fathers will never teach them i mean we're just 0.99

00:01:49.600 kind of cooked sorry fellas anything that might cause a man to stumble becomes their personal 0.98

00:01:55.920 responsibility and for women purity culture is all about maintaining a score specifically virginity

00:02:01.840 virginity is the ultimate achievement you start the game with the perfect and yeah virginity is

00:02:07.280 okay let me talk about the downsides of conservatives propping up virginity virginity

00:02:13.200 is important um you bond far like easier the younger you are um older women are less bonded 0.99

00:02:20.400 right however it's not the only thing like you can be a bitch if you're if you struggle with lust as 1.00

00:02:26.420 a woman um like that's one sin but it kind of it allows women to be bitches but they're like pure 1.00

00:02:33.880 um and they think they did something because just because they didn't have sex and not having sex 0.99

00:02:39.400 is like not a difficult thing to do like avoiding a situation you know it's like not the most hard

00:02:45.160 thing in the world um what's more difficult is to get a guy you want to marry you without it that's 1.00

00:02:50.840 a pretty tough sell um so the women just lower the costs and they're like look i know they're 1.00

00:02:55.560 not none of the chabs are signing up for that record with your virginity and you have to keep 0.97

00:02:59.800 it that way every decision is a point gained or lost what you wear what who you date how you 0.86

00:03:04.840 interact with men how much temptation you allow in your life women are constantly reminded that

00:03:09.560 even the smallest misstep can have lifelong consequences wearing a skirt that's too short

00:03:14.760 minus points holding hands with a boyfriend you're starting down a slippery slope kissing

00:03:19.000 before marriage that's dangerous territory yeah when you think about it the most submissive thing

00:03:23.720 you can do is let a guy get you pregnant immediately that's giving him all the leverage 1.00

00:03:28.360 no one wants to have that conversation though do we and this is what i mean i think women from a

00:03:33.160 young age it's like let's just be honest here um the women that got pregnant by their high school

00:03:38.840 boyfriends most of them are still with the guys and that was a very effective way to get them to 0.92

00:03:43.160 commit now you could say it's immoral right but i think women it's too often we see like i could

00:03:49.320 just speak for my experience um like when you're young as a woman you want a boyfriend so bad and

00:03:54.760 it's like when you see the girls that are having sex or getting boyfriends it's like it's a tough

00:03:59.800 sell to wait till marriage um and that that's kind of the issue with the church is they say to wait

00:04:05.240 like not have sex not have sex but they don't tell you what to supplement it with you know they don't 0.64

00:04:10.760 tell you um how to like be better as a woman it just says don't have sex which isn't that helpful 0.79

00:04:18.040 the message is clear once you lose purity points you can never fully get them back and also men 0.83

00:04:23.560 bond it's very difficult to compete with a woman that's putting out when you're not because men

00:04:27.560 bond through sex uh you know they can men kind of like to downplay this but men bond um men fall in 0.85

00:04:35.800 love with their side chicks men it's weird you can see like a woman actively destroying a man

00:04:41.160 and he still kind of likes her so as a woman it's it's hard to compete with um and if you get a 0.88

00:04:47.960 holier than thou attitude you're kind of cooked and yet men do not live under the same level of

00:04:53.080 scrutiny while they are told to remain pure their slip-ups are often met with grace excuses and

00:04:58.360 second chances boys will be boys men are visual creatures they can struggle with lust but women 0.66

00:05:04.280 must be the gatekeepers a woman's word is tied to her purity in a way that a man's never is purity 0.99

00:05:10.280 culture operates on a reward and punishment system if you follow the rules you are promised the

00:05:15.480 ultimate prize a godly husband a perfect marriage and divine blessings aha man that used to sound

00:05:21.320 like the ultimate prize to me but now it certainly does not you will be cherished you'll be valued

00:05:25.800 and protected you're told if you mess up even slightly your value decreases permanently women 1.00

00:05:31.000 who have sex before marriage are compared to chewed up gum crumpled flowers used tape things that can

00:05:37.720 never be restored to their original state when i was doing stand-up comedy for seven years i always 0.98

00:05:43.560 told a joke about my honest to goddess like sex no and ladies we gotta have some humility like

00:05:50.280 it's kind of um sad right um there is like a level of purity that you're just not going to be

00:05:57.080 able to offer your husband um and it's a little bit sad right but it just kind of is what it is

00:06:03.880 um if you don't have it that's something they have and you don't um young women hate men so much that

00:06:09.400 like even if you get a virgin it doesn't necessarily mean she's pure but like you know i mean that like

00:06:16.600 first time excitement you can't fake that you can't rebrand that it's gone just take the l

00:06:21.960 let's talk during chapel when i was at the bible-based private school affiliated with

00:06:26.520 a non-denominational mega church here in tulsa oklahoma and we had a guest speaker who pulled

00:06:32.280 out a tube of colgate toothpaste squeezed in out the contents of the toothpaste onto a tarp and

00:06:38.920 then told us that what comes out can't be put back in and i'll leave it to your imagination

00:06:44.200 what the punchline of that joke was i'm gonna be real with you i don't think the love of money is

00:06:49.880 the root of all evil i think that repressed sexuality is the root of all evil and if you

00:06:55.640 think about it you will see the truth in that okay so i i do i know you wouldn't like you're gonna 0.84

00:07:02.200 you're gonna disagree i do agree with her because here is the issue the church is asking people to

00:07:07.080 wait till they're like uh 22 to have sex and that's just not realistic in the modern day

00:07:14.200 Um, it's not, and honestly, if you do that, there's probably something wrong with you.

00:07:20.500 It's like, if, if you're not helping 16 year olds, 18 year old, uh, men and women get married,

00:07:26.620 uh, I'm sorry, but you can't just say, don't have sex, don't have sex.

00:07:31.220 Um, and I'll tell you what I could just say, cause I lived it.

00:07:34.060 It's like, they tell women don't have sex, but then they don't tell women to be obedient

00:07:39.020 in the ways that you can be obedient.

00:07:40.900 um because when you're really analyzing yourself as a woman you kind of go through processes where

00:07:46.300 you're like oh I never asked him what he thought about that or da da da da um and it's it's a very 1.00

00:07:51.800 difficult process um and it's like unfortunate because the the Christians just tell women we'll 0.83

00:08:00.300 keep the sex on your terms not his terms and you're essentially when you wait for marriage

00:08:05.800 you're listening to the pastor about when to have sex and not him and that's the issue with a lot of

00:08:11.400 church guys in my opinion as they go they outsource their thinking to a book or a pastor instead of

00:08:16.740 thinking for themselves like it's one thing if it's like the man wanting to wait till marriage but

00:08:21.660 um i don't know it's just i i kind of see where she's coming from to some degree for many of us

00:08:28.300 who have deconstructed breaking free from purity culture has been one of the hardest but most

00:08:33.120 rewarding parts because it's not just about rejecting a rule it's about unlearning an entire

00:08:37.220 framework that shaped how we see ourselves our bodies and our relationships see this is the 0.53

00:08:42.360 thing she's mid and like mid women waiting till marriage just it's gonna be difficult and so it's 1.00

00:08:47.720 gonna cause her to be frustrated because she's a mid she's competing with pretty girls and saying

00:08:52.440 wait till marriage for me um other mids that put out it's just you're not gonna compete sorry but 1.00

00:08:59.400 just not purity culture doesn't just impact a woman's sex life it affects her self-worth her 0.93

00:09:05.800 ability to set boundaries her understanding of consent and her relationship with her own desires

00:09:11.000 many christian women report feeling disconnected from their own bodies struggling with deep-seated

00:09:16.200 shame or experiencing anxiety and guilt around sex even in marriage and this damage doesn't 1.00

00:09:22.280 stop with the individual woman it impacts entire communities purity culture grooms women for

00:09:28.040 submission it teaches them to ignore red flags to accept mistreatment and to see suffering as part 0.85

00:09:34.440 of their spiritual duty it keeps women small compliant and afraid one of the biggest lies

00:09:40.360 of purity culture is that women choose it the church often argues this that no one yeah women 0.97

00:09:46.360 are whores so no they would never pick purity culture men would because it benefits more men

00:09:52.040 to have the women wait till marriage it it um horror culture benefits all women um and a small 1.00

00:09:59.640 select group of men um purity culture benefits most men so forcing women to follow these rules

00:10:06.440 that they are simply choosing to honor god with their bodies and their husbands but this is a

00:10:10.200 false choice when your entire identity community and spiritual well-being are tied to following

00:10:15.560 these rules the pressure is overwhelming escaping purity culture isn't just about rejecting certain

00:10:20.840 beliefs it's about reclaiming personal power it's about recognizing that your body is not

00:10:25.560 a source of shame that your worth is not determined by whether or not you have sex

00:10:30.360 there are two marys in the new testament mary magdalene and mary the mother of jesus those

00:10:35.240 are the two most prominent women in the new testament and both of these women the reason 0.71

00:10:40.280 that they are prominent is how much or how little sex they had some women find empowerment in exploring

00:10:46.360 i mean i just the cope is just kind of it's sad to me i don't know ladies look women that have 0.98

00:10:54.280 had sex with less men are better but it they're if their personalities suck then it doesn't matter

00:11:00.360 anyways you know their sexuality on their own terms others find strength and simply refusing 0.99

00:11:06.200 to feel shame about their past for the first time after leaving purity culture they get to decide

00:11:11.320 what their bodies mean to them not what the church says they should mean the truth is purity culture

00:11:16.200 was never about protecting women it was about controlling them it was about ensuring that women 0.87

00:11:20.920 remained submissive obedient and dependent on the church and their husband because a woman who owns 0.73

00:11:25.960 her own body her desires and her choices is a woman who cannot be controlled and that makes her 0.90

00:11:32.440 powerful you've been watching a clip from the case well again the whole point of marriage is 0.98

00:11:37.320 to be obedient to your husband now look this is a tall order as much as um i try and other women

00:11:43.960 try we fit we fall short all the time have to confess you know what i mean like i'm not saying

00:11:49.640 you'll do it perfectly but it just would be good for us to like you know think about what the ideal

00:11:55.320 would be and that's to be obedient so if we're being really honest like otherwise you're in a

00:12:01.720 partnership so i don't know let me know what you guys think in the comments i love you thank you

00:12:06.120 you so much for asking like the video and subscribe and I'll see you next time.

Pearl - May 25, 2026

The HYPOCRISY Of The Purity Standard

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