126. Q&A Part 3： Confidence, The Universe & Finding Your Purpose
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Summary
In this episode of The Realist, Andy Frisella and I discuss the difference between cockiness and confidence, and why confidence is earned, while cockiness is earned. We also discuss the concept of cockiness vs. confidence and how to differentiate between them.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy frisella and this is the show for the realist say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today uh
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we're not going to keep calling this surprise motherfucker because it's not a surprise
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anymore this is our third q a episode uh i got my man dj dj dj white lightning white lightning
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asking me the questions and uh i'm having fun doing this guys uh this is this is a fun episode
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for me it seems like you guys are really digging it so i think we're going to make it a regular
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feature we're just going to start calling it uh q a or we'll come up with some weird name but this
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is the third version of it we'll name it appropriately i'm not sure what we're going to
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call it but before i get into uh into the the stuff okay before i get into the stuff um
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i want to remind you that we do this show uh for free okay i don't get paid to do this show
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spotify is not paying me itunes not paying me nobody's paying me uh we don't run ads okay i want
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this to be a value exchange so if you get something from the show if you if you get some uh knowledge
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if it made you think if it gave you a new perspective uh if it made you laugh if you enjoyed
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it give us a share tell one friend that's all i ask so with that being said what do you got today
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yeah so i mean you guys know the rules there's three questions i get to ask andy and stick with three
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and and we'll make it work so the first one is how do you differentiate i say that right
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differentiate all right i think so yeah how do you differentiate cockiness versus confidence so
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um let's say i've been working on my craft for a few years now and literally about you or are you
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asking the question no no i'm just i'm putting it in perspective all right so i've you know this
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person been you know they've been working on their craft for a few years now and literally the entire
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time they've been called cocky by friends families competitors but they truly believe that they are
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the best in their field so how do you differentiate cockiness versus confidence well look man um there
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it's a very thin line there uh confidence is earned man it's it's it's true confidence is uh everybody
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likes to say it's quiet it's this it's that it's not any of that shit it's actual your actual you
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know rating on how much you believe in yourself and so a lot of people try to mask that with like a
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cockiness or a uh you know a persona that makes them seem better than they are and what they're trying
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to do is feed their belief in themselves so it's a false cycle so they are acting cocky because that
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makes them believe that they are great and that's one version the other version is um someone who is
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so confident that they appear to be cocky and it's being read as uh cockiness by everybody else and
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that's very common you know a lot of people mistake real confidence for cockiness um i think that's a
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that when you become super confident to that point to where you're coming off as cocky it could be
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cockiness it could be confidence but it could be someone's persona it could be their swag who fucking
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knows uh but the truth is if they're good and they believe they're good most of the people are going to
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call them cocky regardless uh whether you say anything if you say any fucking thing that touts your
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or toot your own horn or touts your own skills or makes it seem like you know people are the
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fucking losers of the world are going to say oh you're fucking cocky no motherfucker i put 20
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fucking three years into this shit i've ate shit for a long time i know what i can do that's not
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cockiness that's reality so you know everybody's definition is different but i will say that most
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people read all supreme confidence as a cockiness which isn't necessarily a bad thing uh if you're
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really that good and you're still humble enough to know that you have things to learn i think that's
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a really good place to be the place you know where you don't want to be is where you overestimate your
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skill set and then you get into a fight or a battle or a position that you don't have the skills to
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control and then you lose that's where cockiness can hurt you um but like dude anybody who's a high
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performer anybody who's really good at what they do i'm just you know like any ceo who's great uh any
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of the ones that you guys see is great uh any of the athletes okay any of them to get to that pro
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to get to that pro level they got a fucking ego and they have a cockiness to them all right
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it's required to go into these fucking situations of greatness like if you don't believe in yourself
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and you don't have that swag how the fuck are you going to go in and fucking go against other people
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that do so you know it's a touchy subject and it's not as cut and dry as what the average fucking joe
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will try to make it seem like you know and to be honest i don't really give a fuck if someone who
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really hasn't done shit in their life is calling me cocky why the fuck would i care about that
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you see what i'm saying and you shouldn't either you listening like when you're getting criticized
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like dude if you're getting criticized by people who have done the shit you want to do and they're
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saying hey bro you're too fucking cocky that's when you listen and you say all right i need to get
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humble i'm not as good as what i think um when you're kicking everybody's fucking ass and the
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fucking person you knew from 30 years ago says oh i don't like him he's fucking changed he's cocky
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no they just got really fucking good and you don't like it right because you could never do it
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that's right so that's how i feel about the cockiness confidence conversation personally
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i think i think people rally around people who are supremely confident whether that comes across
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as cocky or not um because it gives people permission to feel good about themselves and and
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the fucking the the do-gooders and the fucking naysayers and the fucking people from your old
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neighborhood back in the day they don't like that shit but the good news is that shit's irrelevant
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so i know it's a lot more fun when you believe in yourself oh for sure i mean but you gotta be
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honest with that though yeah like you saw me if that's what it is dude it's really what it is
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is the awareness to be honest with yourself are you that good yeah does your life tell you that good
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the results you're getting tell you you're that good right that's really the truth right because
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if the results aren't there then you ain't that good that's a fucking fact if the results are there
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cool yeah you know and like i wouldn't the answer is you know it's different for everybody
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but that's how i think about it i like it all right next question so you talk a lot about you know what
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you put out into the world is what you'll receive right what you put into the universe it comes back to
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you right so how do you handle tough relationships or or bad people and not hate them or not put that
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negative energy back into the world like how do you not hate somebody and and even though like they
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could have did you completely bad you mean like stabbed you in the face like stabbed you in the
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fucking face right like how do you not put that negative energy out into the world well because i
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realize and i'm smart enough to understand that what i put out i get back period so it's not worth
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putting that out because i know i'm gonna get it the fuck back right so i gotta do whatever the fuck
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i can do to release that for my energy um and you do that through forgiveness and you do and as fucked
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up as that sounds the guy that stabbed me he he did his time in jail i hope he's doing well i hope
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he's building a career i hope he's living life the good way you see what i'm saying so not only do i
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not hate him i actually wish him very well and i believe that that energy that you put out towards
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people comes back and to be completely honest look at my fucking life right okay so so i can sit
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here and question it and say oh well that sucks to have to to wish those things for people that's
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because that's what i hear a lot right yeah like hear people like how the fuck do you do that yeah
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well because i know for sure that the hate and the negativity comes back and it hurts me and it kills
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my energy it kills my soul it kills my momentum so why the fuck would i want to do that right
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why would i want to kill myself to hate someone else you see what i'm saying yeah so like dude
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i'm a true believer a true believer that it's not just what you say it's your intent and that's the
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important part so like you could say these words oh i fucking love this person like oh i really forgive
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that person because you're trying to appear good right you're not going to get that back because it
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ain't genuine you have to convince yourself in a very real way that like hey man uh this person made a
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mistake and bro this is biblical shit okay this person made a mistake um i've made mistakes
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i i forgive him i hope that he moves into a good place in life and does well and that's the energy
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that you have to have if you want to receive that sort of energy right if you want to receive good
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things and i believe that with my heart and soul you couldn't argue me out of it right and so i live
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that way well i mean bro because i think in those situations it doesn't matter how bad those
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situations are there's always something you can take from it like right like being stabbed put you
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in a situation and a time and place in your life that you were able to fucking pivot like like nobody
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else could ever fucking believe right and like if it wasn't for that situation do you think you would
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even be in the same spot no i wouldn't you know absolutely and so i mean that that's how i would
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look at i agree 1000 man i mean it's you got to look at the positives in those situations you know
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what sometimes those forgivenesses take time yeah okay like if you have somebody who did you wrong
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maybe they did you wrong in a relationship or even worse maybe they stole a bunch from you or hurt
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somebody listen man hanging on to that shit is only going to fucking eat you up you know you learn a
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lesson you you chalk it up on a bottom line scale hey this is what happened yeah i don't like it but how
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am i going to move forward in the best way possible and the best way possible is for me not to agonize
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and uh torture myself over this and instead take the lesson and move forward and wish that they
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do good from there on out i mean that's biblical man and i think i think i truly believe
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and a lot of people don't believe this shit but dude i'm i'm an idiot all right i'm like a normal
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dude from fucking missouri who grew up on a gravel road who lives this extraordinary fucking life
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and i think a lot of it has to do with me being able to get myself to those kind of vibrational
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places you know what i mean do i get mad do i get angry fuck yeah i get mad and get angry dude i get
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madder than anybody but at the same time i understand how this works and so i correct it
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as quickly as i possibly can yeah fire okay last question i really like this one um i'm excited
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to hear what that's a cool outfit you got on you like it well i mean dude it's sun's out guns out so
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you know i had to show off the the biceps they're getting there you got names for them um lefty and
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lucy lefty and lucy i don't know that was probably ass i don't know you put some thought in that come
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back yeah white lightning black hammer i don't know um but i really like this i like this question
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a lot now i'm i'm really interested to see what your answer to this is okay so can you explain
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the transition and mentality from i have nothing to lose right which is the edge that you know most
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uh entrepreneurs have in the beginning the transition from i have nothing to lose i have
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fucking everything to lose after you start getting some success so how do you fight that fear how did
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you how did you handle that transition all right so so understanding that mentality is what kills
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companies that mentality is what keeps companies from progressing so what usually happens in this in
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this scenario that you're describing is people in the beginning they have zero options okay and i talk
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about this all the time zero option mentality uh we talk about in 75 hard program i've talked about it in
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personal development for years and years and years um other motherfuckers have tried to steal it but
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they don't live it and it looks they look stupid because they don't live it i live this shit i don't
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have a fucking option okay when i'm broke and i didn't have shit and all we had was our one store
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we have a fucking option take a day off we have a fucking option to to skip every single holiday for
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the first six years we didn't have those that we could so what do we have we we couldn't afford ads so
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what do we have to do we had to go out in the community and meet people and do things because
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we had to or we would fucking not survive the biggest thing that hurts businesses is when they
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stop having that mentality and they start having the abundant you know we've made it or we've got
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some shit to lose mentality it's no different than if you're a football coach and you start running
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prevent defense when the other team is fucking down by 14 points with the whole fourth quarter okay
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that's the equivalent you you're gonna lose if you start thinking that way so the the the goal
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is to always keep a zero options mentality and how do you do that well it's kind of a mental fuck
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right you have to convince yourself even when things are good that you have no option but to perform
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so how i do that is i i transition from it being around my own personal success so like when i started
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dude it was just me and chris you know and then we added people slowly and surely but like i couldn't
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fuck we we couldn't survive so what else are we gonna do we have to do it so now you know obviously
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we're at a different place we're 23 years into this business both of us are in a financially uh
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amazing position you know business is growing hand over fist all of the companies we have are growing
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hand over fist um it's a good time now so how the fuck do you keep from getting lazy and see i love
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this because all my competitors think that we're real fucking lazy up here like they think oh andy's
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andy's rich he's just sitting up no motherfucker you have no idea every day i come in here it's
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fucking day one and everybody here knows that shit i come in with intensity i come in with purpose
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and i come in with urgency all right actually i was thinking about this when i was working out
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i probably have way more urgency now and i work way harder now than i did even five years ago
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or fucking 10 years ago when i was laying the groundwork for what we're doing now so i'm picking
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up steam because of that mentality right and the mentality the perspective switch that actually happened
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for me was moving from focusing on myself and my own income and my own uh personal situation
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to now i understand when i look through this office my obligation is to these people okay so if i don't
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come in and and i work way harder for that than i ever did for myself so anybody out there thinking
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i'm sitting on my hands my feet up enjoying the good life bro you're fucking wrong and you're gonna
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have to bring it to come get me that's a fact because i am far more motivated to work for them than i was
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ever to work for myself and so now the zero options mentality goes from their from their lives to me
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does that make sense that makes perfect i have to fucking do this because i am i am responsible for
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all of these people and their lives and their kids lives and they're like people don't think about this
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as an entrepreneur they think like oh once you start making it you just hire all these little
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fucking ants and they work for you no motherfucker you want to build something something great you want
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to build something that you're proud of you want to build something other people care about guess
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what you got to do first you got to care about those people and so i come in here every day and
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i make sure that i do everything i fucking can to make sure that these guys are going to win and that's
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it and so i don't have an option because guess what not a single one of those guys is winning the way
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i'm winning but also not a single one of those guys has been there every day besides chris so i'm trying
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to get them there you know one of the goals that we have here is to make our company the the company
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that produces more seven figure earners than fucking any company that's ever existed that is one of my
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personal goals i want more seven figure earners inside my company than any company that ever existed
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and i'm gonna fucking get there but i don't get there by thinking about my nice house my beautiful home
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my awesome garage my fucking lifestyle like i get there by understanding that none of these
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motherfuckers are there yet so i gotta i gotta work my ass off right and then when they get there
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they're gonna feel that same obligation for the people below them and this is how you build something
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great you put other people first you put them before yourself and what it does is it takes away
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the complacency and puts urgency back in all right but most businesses fail because of the question right
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there they think because dude i'm gonna tell you right now whoever asked that question you ain't doing as
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good as you think you are like you're just doing better than you were yeah so so you know they don't
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realize like when you scroll through uh the realtor apps or zillow yeah and you see 30 million dollar
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house go look at it anywhere in the world right now anywhere in the united states 30 million 20 million
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15 million sell sell sell sell sell sell sell and guess what you didn't buy one of them motherfucker
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so you got a ways to go so you didn't make it who are you measuring against you're measuring against
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your old neighborhood buddies the kids you went to high school with oh so you won the competition of the
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fucking regular people that you went to like congratulations bro it's not that fucking hard
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okay most people don't ever read a book after they graduate high school they don't try they just go
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through life they check the boxes kids house debt and they keep moving and dude if that's how you
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want to live i'm not here to judge it but if you want to get it sounds to me like that person searching
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for some urgency uh just realize you're not that fucking good you got a follow-up question on that
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so when you you're breaking the rules i'm sorry but i've got to go ahead so you have an exemption this
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time i appreciate this um it's because you didn't wear your sleeves i appreciate it thank you you got
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the no sleeve extra question bonus no but so so serious follow-up though so what what do you think
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a trip like what what caused that sense of urgency like do you remember it wasn't a specific thing
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that like oh shit i got you know these people in this office to worry about like what was there like
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a correlation oh yeah there were yeah i tell the story all the time i i i'm i had pneumonia real bad
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uh 2014 or 15 yeah i tell this story all the time um i've told on the podcast before but basically
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i was at home for three weeks with really bad pneumonia um and i'm you know at the time i'm
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making the most money i've ever made i see my sales coming in every day i didn't go to work for three
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weeks and i'm like fuck this is pretty cool yeah except for like after a week i was miserable and
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after another another week i was like fuck this is why successful people kill themselves right
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right i didn't have a purpose and i fucking figured it out i had fulfilled my purpose but i hadn't
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fulfilled i had to find another purpose so that's when i transitioned immediately from
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it's from myself to them and let me tell you what what do you think happened to the company when i
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did that oh fuck here we are yeah right right so you know real af i love it by the way just saying
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man like it look dude people hear that shit about putting other people first and wishing good for them
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and they think it's fluffy uh you know fucking guru shit from you know the internet it's not it's real
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shit they just do a terrible job of explaining how practical it is so um hopefully that helps
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absolutely all right so guys and just a reminder if you have questions i want to answer them all right
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if you write a 20 paragraph question i'm not answering it keep your questions short keep your
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questions to the point you can email them to ask andy at andy for seller.com and that's how dj is
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going to uh work through and pick the questions so uh if you want your question answered i would butter
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up dj because he gets to pick them so i appreciate you guys supporting the show uh sharing the show
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leaving positive comments about the show it's very cool to see uh i appreciate you guys the love you
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showed on the uh on the state of the motherfucking union you know those are things that i feel i have
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to say those are things i feel obligated to say and i realize that you may disagree with me but i hope
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that you have enough respect to uh understand where i'm coming from i love all of you guys i appreciate
00:21:34.440
you guys and i'll talk to you soon went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole
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fuck a stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold