REAL AF with Andy Frisella - August 03, 2021


126. Q&A Part 3： Confidence, The Universe & Finding Your Purpose

Topics
zero options mentality
Hosted by
Andy Frisella
Mentioned
Andy Frisilla
125. State Of The MF Union 127. 2 Distinct Championship Caliber Qualities

Episode Stats


Length

21 minutes

Words per minute

193.88

Word count

4,233

Sentence count

—

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Toxicity

118

sentences flagged

Hate speech

61

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of The Realist, Andy Frisella and I discuss the difference between cockiness and confidence, and why confidence is earned, while cockiness is earned. We also discuss the concept of cockiness vs. confidence and how to differentiate between them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy frisella and this is the show for the realist say goodbye to the lies 0.98
00:00:21.840 the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today uh 0.99
00:00:28.180 we're not going to keep calling this surprise motherfucker because it's not a surprise 0.99
00:00:31.120 anymore this is our third q a episode uh i got my man dj dj dj white lightning white lightning 0.94
00:00:39.300 asking me the questions and uh i'm having fun doing this guys uh this is this is a fun episode
00:00:46.720 for me it seems like you guys are really digging it so i think we're going to make it a regular
00:00:50.700 feature we're just going to start calling it uh q a or we'll come up with some weird name but this
00:00:56.520 is the third version of it we'll name it appropriately i'm not sure what we're going to
00:00:59.980 call it but before i get into uh into the the stuff okay before i get into the stuff um
00:01:10.960 i want to remind you that we do this show uh for free okay i don't get paid to do this show
00:01:17.720 spotify is not paying me itunes not paying me nobody's paying me uh we don't run ads okay i want
00:01:24.200 this to be a value exchange so if you get something from the show if you if you get some uh knowledge
00:01:30.760 if it made you think if it gave you a new perspective uh if it made you laugh if you enjoyed
00:01:36.360 it give us a share tell one friend that's all i ask so with that being said what do you got today
00:01:44.020 yeah so i mean you guys know the rules there's three questions i get to ask andy and stick with three
00:01:49.320 and and we'll make it work so the first one is how do you differentiate i say that right
00:01:56.360 differentiate all right i think so yeah how do you differentiate cockiness versus confidence so
00:02:02.500 um let's say i've been working on my craft for a few years now and literally about you or are you
00:02:06.940 asking the question no no i'm just i'm putting it in perspective all right so i've you know this
00:02:10.700 person been you know they've been working on their craft for a few years now and literally the entire
00:02:15.220 time they've been called cocky by friends families competitors but they truly believe that they are
00:02:21.720 the best in their field so how do you differentiate cockiness versus confidence well look man um there
00:02:29.820 it's a very thin line there uh confidence is earned man it's it's it's true confidence is uh everybody 0.99
00:02:40.840 likes to say it's quiet it's this it's that it's not any of that shit it's actual your actual you 0.94
00:02:46.960 know rating on how much you believe in yourself and so a lot of people try to mask that with like a 0.96
00:02:52.360 cockiness or a uh you know a persona that makes them seem better than they are and what they're trying
00:02:58.680 to do is feed their belief in themselves so it's a false cycle so they are acting cocky because that
00:03:05.960 makes them believe that they are great and that's one version the other version is um someone who is
00:03:13.880 so confident that they appear to be cocky and it's being read as uh cockiness by everybody else and
00:03:24.200 that's very common you know a lot of people mistake real confidence for cockiness um i think that's a
00:03:33.660 that when you become super confident to that point to where you're coming off as cocky it could be 0.99
00:03:40.060 cockiness it could be confidence but it could be someone's persona it could be their swag who fucking 0.97
00:03:45.420 knows uh but the truth is if they're good and they believe they're good most of the people are going to 0.99
00:03:51.320 call them cocky regardless uh whether you say anything if you say any fucking thing that touts your 0.98
00:03:59.120 or toot your own horn or touts your own skills or makes it seem like you know people are the 1.00
00:04:05.240 fucking losers of the world are going to say oh you're fucking cocky no motherfucker i put 20 1.00
00:04:10.100 fucking three years into this shit i've ate shit for a long time i know what i can do that's not 1.00
00:04:16.280 cockiness that's reality so you know everybody's definition is different but i will say that most 1.00
00:04:24.300 people read all supreme confidence as a cockiness which isn't necessarily a bad thing uh if you're
00:04:31.180 really that good and you're still humble enough to know that you have things to learn i think that's
00:04:37.360 a really good place to be the place you know where you don't want to be is where you overestimate your
00:04:43.140 skill set and then you get into a fight or a battle or a position that you don't have the skills to
00:04:48.860 control and then you lose that's where cockiness can hurt you um but like dude anybody who's a high
00:04:55.720 performer anybody who's really good at what they do i'm just you know like any ceo who's great uh any
00:05:02.400 of the ones that you guys see is great uh any of the athletes okay any of them to get to that pro 0.98
00:05:09.280 to get to that pro level they got a fucking ego and they have a cockiness to them all right 0.98
00:05:14.880 it's required to go into these fucking situations of greatness like if you don't believe in yourself 1.00
00:05:21.580 and you don't have that swag how the fuck are you going to go in and fucking go against other people 0.99
00:05:26.280 that do so you know it's a touchy subject and it's not as cut and dry as what the average fucking joe 0.99
00:05:33.540 will try to make it seem like you know and to be honest i don't really give a fuck if someone who 0.99
00:05:40.400 really hasn't done shit in their life is calling me cocky why the fuck would i care about that 0.99
00:05:44.780 you see what i'm saying and you shouldn't either you listening like when you're getting criticized 0.99
00:05:49.900 like dude if you're getting criticized by people who have done the shit you want to do and they're 0.97
00:05:53.300 saying hey bro you're too fucking cocky that's when you listen and you say all right i need to get 1.00
00:05:57.020 humble i'm not as good as what i think um when you're kicking everybody's fucking ass and the 1.00
00:06:02.220 fucking person you knew from 30 years ago says oh i don't like him he's fucking changed he's cocky 0.99
00:06:08.000 no they just got really fucking good and you don't like it right because you could never do it 0.99
00:06:12.580 that's right so that's how i feel about the cockiness confidence conversation personally 0.87
00:06:19.060 i think i think people rally around people who are supremely confident whether that comes across
00:06:25.820 as cocky or not um because it gives people permission to feel good about themselves and and 1.00
00:06:31.700 the fucking the the do-gooders and the fucking naysayers and the fucking people from your old 1.00
00:06:37.440 neighborhood back in the day they don't like that shit but the good news is that shit's irrelevant 1.00
00:06:42.500 so i know it's a lot more fun when you believe in yourself oh for sure i mean but you gotta be 1.00
00:06:48.000 honest with that though yeah like you saw me if that's what it is dude it's really what it is
00:06:51.720 is the awareness to be honest with yourself are you that good yeah does your life tell you that good
00:06:58.580 the results you're getting tell you you're that good right that's really the truth right because 0.84
00:07:03.960 if the results aren't there then you ain't that good that's a fucking fact if the results are there 0.93
00:07:09.240 cool yeah you know and like i wouldn't the answer is you know it's different for everybody
00:07:20.420 but that's how i think about it i like it all right next question so you talk a lot about you know what
00:07:29.320 you put out into the world is what you'll receive right what you put into the universe it comes back to
00:07:35.020 you right so how do you handle tough relationships or or bad people and not hate them or not put that
00:07:43.160 negative energy back into the world like how do you not hate somebody and and even though like they
00:07:49.480 could have did you completely bad you mean like stabbed you in the face like stabbed you in the 0.99
00:07:52.480 fucking face right like how do you not put that negative energy out into the world well because i 0.99
00:07:56.980 realize and i'm smart enough to understand that what i put out i get back period so it's not worth 0.99
00:08:03.020 putting that out because i know i'm gonna get it the fuck back right so i gotta do whatever the fuck 0.99
00:08:07.180 i can do to release that for my energy um and you do that through forgiveness and you do and as fucked 0.98
00:08:14.460 up as that sounds the guy that stabbed me he he did his time in jail i hope he's doing well i hope 0.89
00:08:20.340 he's building a career i hope he's living life the good way you see what i'm saying so not only do i
00:08:25.620 not hate him i actually wish him very well and i believe that that energy that you put out towards
00:08:30.800 people comes back and to be completely honest look at my fucking life right okay so so i can sit 0.95
00:08:36.840 here and question it and say oh well that sucks to have to to wish those things for people that's 0.99
00:08:41.740 because that's what i hear a lot right yeah like hear people like how the fuck do you do that yeah 0.98
00:08:45.700 well because i know for sure that the hate and the negativity comes back and it hurts me and it kills 0.98
00:08:53.520 my energy it kills my soul it kills my momentum so why the fuck would i want to do that right 0.90
00:08:58.260 why would i want to kill myself to hate someone else you see what i'm saying yeah so like dude 0.75
00:09:03.880 i'm a true believer a true believer that it's not just what you say it's your intent and that's the
00:09:09.920 important part so like you could say these words oh i fucking love this person like oh i really forgive 0.88
00:09:15.800 that person because you're trying to appear good right you're not going to get that back because it 0.69
00:09:19.900 ain't genuine you have to convince yourself in a very real way that like hey man uh this person made a 0.96
00:09:27.300 mistake and bro this is biblical shit okay this person made a mistake um i've made mistakes 0.92
00:09:34.840 i i forgive him i hope that he moves into a good place in life and does well and that's the energy 0.99
00:09:43.040 that you have to have if you want to receive that sort of energy right if you want to receive good
00:09:47.180 things and i believe that with my heart and soul you couldn't argue me out of it right and so i live
00:09:54.300 that way well i mean bro because i think in those situations it doesn't matter how bad those
00:09:57.660 situations are there's always something you can take from it like right like being stabbed put you 0.97
00:10:02.060 in a situation and a time and place in your life that you were able to fucking pivot like like nobody 0.95
00:10:07.640 else could ever fucking believe right and like if it wasn't for that situation do you think you would 0.92
00:10:11.480 even be in the same spot no i wouldn't you know absolutely and so i mean that that's how i would
00:10:15.880 look at i agree 1000 man i mean it's you got to look at the positives in those situations you know
00:10:20.800 what sometimes those forgivenesses take time yeah okay like if you have somebody who did you wrong
00:10:27.140 maybe they did you wrong in a relationship or even worse maybe they stole a bunch from you or hurt 0.99
00:10:34.100 somebody listen man hanging on to that shit is only going to fucking eat you up you know you learn a 1.00
00:10:40.700 lesson you you chalk it up on a bottom line scale hey this is what happened yeah i don't like it but how 1.00
00:10:46.560 am i going to move forward in the best way possible and the best way possible is for me not to agonize
00:10:51.440 and uh torture myself over this and instead take the lesson and move forward and wish that they
00:10:58.300 do good from there on out i mean that's biblical man and i think i think i truly believe 0.99
00:11:06.400 and a lot of people don't believe this shit but dude i'm i'm an idiot all right i'm like a normal 0.99
00:11:12.700 dude from fucking missouri who grew up on a gravel road who lives this extraordinary fucking life 0.99
00:11:18.260 and i think a lot of it has to do with me being able to get myself to those kind of vibrational 0.99
00:11:24.080 places you know what i mean do i get mad do i get angry fuck yeah i get mad and get angry dude i get 0.99
00:11:29.560 madder than anybody but at the same time i understand how this works and so i correct it
00:11:34.440 as quickly as i possibly can yeah fire okay last question i really like this one um i'm excited
00:11:44.880 to hear what that's a cool outfit you got on you like it well i mean dude it's sun's out guns out so
00:11:49.560 you know i had to show off the the biceps they're getting there you got names for them um lefty and
00:11:56.000 lucy lefty and lucy i don't know that was probably ass i don't know you put some thought in that come
00:12:01.680 back yeah white lightning black hammer i don't know um but i really like this i like this question
00:12:08.000 a lot now i'm i'm really interested to see what your answer to this is okay so can you explain
00:12:13.980 the transition and mentality from i have nothing to lose right which is the edge that you know most
00:12:21.980 uh entrepreneurs have in the beginning the transition from i have nothing to lose i have
00:12:27.960 fucking everything to lose after you start getting some success so how do you fight that fear how did 0.97
00:12:32.600 you how did you handle that transition all right so so understanding that mentality is what kills 0.94
00:12:38.540 companies that mentality is what keeps companies from progressing so what usually happens in this in
00:12:45.220 this scenario that you're describing is people in the beginning they have zero options okay and i talk
00:12:51.360 about this all the time zero option mentality uh we talk about in 75 hard program i've talked about it in 0.98
00:12:57.140 personal development for years and years and years um other motherfuckers have tried to steal it but 1.00
00:13:01.540 they don't live it and it looks they look stupid because they don't live it i live this shit i don't 1.00
00:13:06.340 have a fucking option okay when i'm broke and i didn't have shit and all we had was our one store 1.00
00:13:11.860 we have a fucking option take a day off we have a fucking option to to skip every single holiday for 0.99
00:13:18.420 the first six years we didn't have those that we could so what do we have we we couldn't afford ads so 0.98
00:13:23.660 what do we have to do we had to go out in the community and meet people and do things because
00:13:28.400 we had to or we would fucking not survive the biggest thing that hurts businesses is when they 0.91
00:13:33.920 stop having that mentality and they start having the abundant you know we've made it or we've got 0.98
00:13:39.560 some shit to lose mentality it's no different than if you're a football coach and you start running 0.98
00:13:44.360 prevent defense when the other team is fucking down by 14 points with the whole fourth quarter okay 0.99
00:13:50.220 that's the equivalent you you're gonna lose if you start thinking that way so the the the goal 1.00
00:13:56.760 is to always keep a zero options mentality and how do you do that well it's kind of a mental fuck 0.88
00:14:03.400 right you have to convince yourself even when things are good that you have no option but to perform
00:14:08.980 so how i do that is i i transition from it being around my own personal success so like when i started
00:14:17.120 dude it was just me and chris you know and then we added people slowly and surely but like i couldn't
00:14:23.360 fuck we we couldn't survive so what else are we gonna do we have to do it so now you know obviously 0.88
00:14:32.840 we're at a different place we're 23 years into this business both of us are in a financially uh 0.99
00:14:39.260 amazing position you know business is growing hand over fist all of the companies we have are growing 0.98
00:14:46.200 hand over fist um it's a good time now so how the fuck do you keep from getting lazy and see i love 0.98
00:14:52.360 this because all my competitors think that we're real fucking lazy up here like they think oh andy's 0.99
00:14:56.920 andy's rich he's just sitting up no motherfucker you have no idea every day i come in here it's 1.00
00:15:02.260 fucking day one and everybody here knows that shit i come in with intensity i come in with purpose 1.00
00:15:07.240 and i come in with urgency all right actually i was thinking about this when i was working out 0.99
00:15:12.220 i probably have way more urgency now and i work way harder now than i did even five years ago
00:15:17.320 or fucking 10 years ago when i was laying the groundwork for what we're doing now so i'm picking 0.98
00:15:23.340 up steam because of that mentality right and the mentality the perspective switch that actually happened 0.97
00:15:28.560 for me was moving from focusing on myself and my own income and my own uh personal situation
00:15:35.720 to now i understand when i look through this office my obligation is to these people okay so if i don't
00:15:43.900 come in and and i work way harder for that than i ever did for myself so anybody out there thinking 0.93
00:15:49.100 i'm sitting on my hands my feet up enjoying the good life bro you're fucking wrong and you're gonna 0.98
00:15:53.940 have to bring it to come get me that's a fact because i am far more motivated to work for them than i was 0.56
00:16:00.500 ever to work for myself and so now the zero options mentality goes from their from their lives to me 0.87
00:16:08.160 does that make sense that makes perfect i have to fucking do this because i am i am responsible for 0.92
00:16:13.360 all of these people and their lives and their kids lives and they're like people don't think about this 0.96
00:16:18.720 as an entrepreneur they think like oh once you start making it you just hire all these little 1.00
00:16:23.040 fucking ants and they work for you no motherfucker you want to build something something great you want 0.99
00:16:28.920 to build something that you're proud of you want to build something other people care about guess 1.00
00:16:32.600 what you got to do first you got to care about those people and so i come in here every day and
00:16:37.960 i make sure that i do everything i fucking can to make sure that these guys are going to win and that's 0.86
00:16:43.140 it and so i don't have an option because guess what not a single one of those guys is winning the way
00:16:48.040 i'm winning but also not a single one of those guys has been there every day besides chris so i'm trying
00:16:54.360 to get them there you know one of the goals that we have here is to make our company the the company
00:16:59.360 that produces more seven figure earners than fucking any company that's ever existed that is one of my
00:17:03.620 personal goals i want more seven figure earners inside my company than any company that ever existed 0.97
00:17:10.220 and i'm gonna fucking get there but i don't get there by thinking about my nice house my beautiful home 0.97
00:17:16.020 my awesome garage my fucking lifestyle like i get there by understanding that none of these 0.99
00:17:22.560 motherfuckers are there yet so i gotta i gotta work my ass off right and then when they get there 1.00
00:17:28.640 they're gonna feel that same obligation for the people below them and this is how you build something 0.99
00:17:33.260 great you put other people first you put them before yourself and what it does is it takes away
00:17:39.280 the complacency and puts urgency back in all right but most businesses fail because of the question right
00:17:45.500 there they think because dude i'm gonna tell you right now whoever asked that question you ain't doing as
00:17:49.720 good as you think you are like you're just doing better than you were yeah so so you know they don't
00:17:57.380 realize like when you scroll through uh the realtor apps or zillow yeah and you see 30 million dollar
00:18:03.600 house go look at it anywhere in the world right now anywhere in the united states 30 million 20 million 0.99
00:18:08.300 15 million sell sell sell sell sell sell sell and guess what you didn't buy one of them motherfucker 0.98
00:18:13.780 so you got a ways to go so you didn't make it who are you measuring against you're measuring against 0.98
00:18:20.040 your old neighborhood buddies the kids you went to high school with oh so you won the competition of the 0.97
00:18:25.060 fucking regular people that you went to like congratulations bro it's not that fucking hard 0.97
00:18:31.080 okay most people don't ever read a book after they graduate high school they don't try they just go 0.99
00:18:37.100 through life they check the boxes kids house debt and they keep moving and dude if that's how you
00:18:44.240 want to live i'm not here to judge it but if you want to get it sounds to me like that person searching 0.87
00:18:49.240 for some urgency uh just realize you're not that fucking good you got a follow-up question on that 0.96
00:18:54.940 so when you you're breaking the rules i'm sorry but i've got to go ahead so you have an exemption this 0.89
00:19:01.200 time i appreciate this um it's because you didn't wear your sleeves i appreciate it thank you you got
00:19:05.520 the no sleeve extra question bonus no but so so serious follow-up though so what what do you think
00:19:11.080 a trip like what what caused that sense of urgency like do you remember it wasn't a specific thing
00:19:15.220 that like oh shit i got you know these people in this office to worry about like what was there like 0.82
00:19:20.740 a correlation oh yeah there were yeah i tell the story all the time i i i'm i had pneumonia real bad 0.94
00:19:26.280 uh 2014 or 15 yeah i tell this story all the time um i've told on the podcast before but basically
00:19:32.800 i was at home for three weeks with really bad pneumonia um and i'm you know at the time i'm
00:19:39.860 making the most money i've ever made i see my sales coming in every day i didn't go to work for three 0.67
00:19:44.460 weeks and i'm like fuck this is pretty cool yeah except for like after a week i was miserable and 0.99
00:19:50.400 after another another week i was like fuck this is why successful people kill themselves right 0.99
00:19:55.760 right i didn't have a purpose and i fucking figured it out i had fulfilled my purpose but i hadn't 0.98
00:20:01.080 fulfilled i had to find another purpose so that's when i transitioned immediately from
00:20:05.480 it's from myself to them and let me tell you what what do you think happened to the company when i 0.86
00:20:11.800 did that oh fuck here we are yeah right right so you know real af i love it by the way just saying 0.99
00:20:21.320 man like it look dude people hear that shit about putting other people first and wishing good for them 1.00
00:20:26.680 and they think it's fluffy uh you know fucking guru shit from you know the internet it's not it's real 0.99
00:20:33.820 shit they just do a terrible job of explaining how practical it is so um hopefully that helps 0.97
00:20:40.080 absolutely all right so guys and just a reminder if you have questions i want to answer them all right 0.83
00:20:45.580 if you write a 20 paragraph question i'm not answering it keep your questions short keep your
00:20:51.540 questions to the point you can email them to ask andy at andy for seller.com and that's how dj is
00:20:59.140 going to uh work through and pick the questions so uh if you want your question answered i would butter
00:21:05.660 up dj because he gets to pick them so i appreciate you guys supporting the show uh sharing the show
00:21:12.360 leaving positive comments about the show it's very cool to see uh i appreciate you guys the love you
00:21:18.280 showed on the uh on the state of the motherfucking union you know those are things that i feel i have
00:21:23.720 to say those are things i feel obligated to say and i realize that you may disagree with me but i hope
00:21:29.340 that you have enough respect to uh understand where i'm coming from i love all of you guys i appreciate 0.94
00:21:34.440 you guys and i'll talk to you soon went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole 0.99
00:21:40.760 fuck a stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold 1.00
00:21:47.440 that's a no headshot case closed 1.00