REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 688. Q&AF： Starting Your First Business, What "Alpha" Really Means & Dealing With Depression

00:00:00.000 what is up guys it's andy purcell and this is the show for the realists to say goodbye to the lies 0.98

00:00:21.240 to fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we 0.50

00:00:26.180 have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the afs you can submit your

00:00:33.000 questions a couple different ways uh to be answered on the show the first way is guys you

00:00:37.960 can email those questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com or you can go on youtube and drop

00:00:44.840 your question in the comment section on the q and af episodes and we'll pick some from there as well

00:00:49.560 other times you tune in if it's your first time listening uh we have cti that stands for cruise

00:00:56.140 the internet that's where we put topics on the screen we talk about what's going on we speculate

00:01:00.280 on what's true and what's not true and then we uh talk about how we the people have to solve these

00:01:05.520 problems in society other times we're gonna have real talk real talk just 5 20 minutes and me giving

00:01:09.700 you some real talk and then we have 75 hard verses 75 hard verses where someone who's completed the

00:01:16.080 75 hard program which is the initial phase of the live hard program they come in they talk about how

00:01:22.500 their life was messed up before how they got it corrected using the 75 hard program and how you

00:01:27.960 can do the same uh if you're unfamiliar with live hard and 75 hard program you can get the program for

00:01:32.940 free at episode 208 it is the world's most popular mental transformation program in history and it's free

00:01:41.120 and um you can get a book there's a book on my website called the book on mental toughness

00:01:46.460 it's not required but if you're somebody who likes to know the ins and outs and the ups and downs and

00:01:50.760 all the details i'd recommend the resource it gives you the entire live hard program plus 10 chapters on

00:01:55.800 mental toughness why it's important why you need to cultivate it and how it can change your life

00:02:00.040 there's also case studies on some very famous people who you will recognize who talk about how they use

00:02:05.060 mental toughness to uh become the people that you recognize all right now guys we have a fee for

00:02:11.420 the show the fee is not um monetary although we do appreciate when you support my companies you support

00:02:18.060 what we got going on uh that means a lot but what we say when we say pay the fee it means share the show

00:02:26.160 okay we don't run ads on the show um and in exchange for that i ask very simply if you like the show if it

00:02:32.600 gives you perspective it makes you laugh it makes you think if you if you think it's something people

00:02:36.800 need to hear please share the show we talk about controversial subjects here on the show uh as you

00:02:43.440 guys know and we get censored and shadow ban and traffic throttled everywhere we post so uh if we want

00:02:51.740 the message to get out we need you guys to share it so uh don't be a hoe share the show what's up dj 0.99

00:02:56.960 what's going on andy what's going on nothing much man yeah yeah you know just uh doing the thing

00:03:02.640 what's the thing today um i actually wasn't wasn't much today no thing then no no no no thing just

00:03:10.520 we're doing this thing yeah yeah all right we're doing what's going on with you man anything new

00:03:15.380 now man what's shaking what's cracking uh what's what's what's crack a lagging i was gonna say

00:03:21.200 something else but we can't say it what we gotta save it for cti okay that means that means it was

00:03:27.000 likely racist probably maybe uh no man everything's good dude just uh you know like we talked about

00:03:33.720 with the michael chandler episode i'm going hard trying to uh get my body finally back from this

00:03:39.900 injury that i've had and everything's going good i'm definitely on track and i feel good and just

00:03:44.540 just everything's firing man dude how about just such a good genuine good like just good dude yeah

00:03:51.040 he's awesome dude i really i was like i mean i i like chad chad wright's always gonna be i think 0.94

00:03:57.420 he's always gonna hold that number one spot for me man but like fuck man michael chandler made it 0.88

00:04:01.220 made it hard yeah dude you know what's cool about that too is like like we talked about on the podcast 0.98

00:04:05.940 you know he comes he has built this it's not this thing that he was naturally gifted at you know like

00:04:13.920 he talked about he wrestled 103 in high school right um he was 4 11 and he's built this

00:04:21.020 you know like he said brick by boring brick and i think that's an amazing story and i think it's a

00:04:27.480 testament to what you can accomplish if you're willing to what we call here master the mundane

00:04:33.060 right most people lack the ability to master the mundane tasks they get bored very easily they don't

00:04:39.260 feel like doing things they don't understand that to build a life it is mundane it is the same things

00:04:45.880 day in and day out operating at a high level holding a high standard executing with discipline

00:04:51.220 and um most people just can't do that because they don't have the endurance to do that they don't have

00:04:56.700 the fortitude to do that they don't have the perseverance to do that which is why it's important

00:05:00.600 for you to build yourself into someone who does that way you can follow the path to success because

00:05:05.660 there is only one path and the only path there is is day by day by day by day over the course of a

00:05:12.000 period of time so and depending on how big your goals are that could be two years it could be five

00:05:16.820 years it could be 10 years it could be 30 years we don't know but at the end of the day it's all built

00:05:21.800 the same it's one day at a time one win at a time for life yeah and there is no opportunity if you're

00:05:30.540 going to operate at a high level to deviate from that uh really at any time yeah i think the coolest

00:05:36.260 thing too man it's like you know it's what you talk about it's the there is an equation for success

00:05:41.340 yeah it's very very simple it's time uh or it's it's inputs right but but plus the time variable

00:05:48.120 right like and i think the most the the coolest thing is like being able to see people and talk to

00:05:54.340 people who who have practiced and actually put in that fucking equation right when you look at a guy 0.95

00:05:58.660 like mike chandler because he got in the the ufc in what 2020 right and four years later here he is 0.98

00:06:05.080 fighting the fucking biggest fighter of the fucking sport you could possibly think of 0.91

00:06:08.500 right and it's like that wasn't luck that wasn't you know anything other than the inputs that he 0.98

00:06:14.200 put in plus the time right 21 2021 it's three years yeah three years yeah and he's just beating 0.68

00:06:20.480 people's asses you know what i'm saying like like to me i think that's the coolest thing about that 0.67

00:06:24.320 dude man it's like it's like that there's a real world uh there's real evidence right there like 0.98

00:06:29.320 it works it works man i thought that was just man it's crazy to think yeah man any it's just

00:06:34.400 you know i feel like after doing this all these years you know people get used to me saying the

00:06:40.840 same things over and over and over but that's because there's only so many things right but to

00:06:45.920 have someone who's also done something you know built it from the ground up anytime we can bring

00:06:51.120 someone on you know like james lawrence or you know uh michael chandler or am i let like these guys

00:06:58.280 they confirm what we're talking about and and it's it's it's frustrating to look out into the

00:07:04.880 internet world and see all these people trying to shortcut it trying to hack it trying to you know

00:07:12.280 supersonic speed their way to success when literally every person they look up to is telling them

00:07:20.340 the same way and dude it's just indicative of people's impatience and need for instant gratification

00:07:28.100 that they continue to search for some sort of shortcut do you not think that michael jordan or kobe

00:07:37.040 bryant or any of these people that you look up to in business or life do you not think that if there

00:07:42.800 was another way they would have found it right right like there is only one way these are smart 0.91

00:07:49.340 hard-working badass motherfuckers bro and i'm telling you right now there is only one way and it's day by 0.98

00:07:57.200 day by motherfucking day over the course of your life you don't get to do it for five years and then 0.99

00:08:01.780 never do it again like that's the fallacy right i'm gonna retire at 40 i'm gonna sit on a beach no 0.99

00:08:07.260 you're not because you don't have the right mentality to get there in the first place if that's what you're

00:08:12.060 doing it for you're never gonna get to that point you know oh i'm gonna i'm gonna at 35 i'm never gonna

00:08:17.840 have to work again yeah okay let's see that show me that show me that person right that person doesn't 0.90

00:08:25.680 exist because the people who actually build things it's in their fucking blood these are builders these 0.94

00:08:32.500 are creators these are contributors these are people that have to have a mission and have to have a 0.94

00:08:38.760 purpose and that purpose is to build and create and contribute into things that materialize and if you

00:08:46.180 are trying to materialize this life against those kinds of people when your whole goal is to get 0.95

00:08:53.060 to 35 years old and sit on a fucking beach with a corona you're gonna lose okay because these 1.00

00:08:59.180 motherfuckers are doing it because they love it they're doing it because they're competitive they're 1.00

00:09:03.600 doing it because they want to change the world you're doing it so you can have a couple coronas and 1.00

00:09:08.020 fucking riviera maya it's a different kind of want and skill set and dude people just don't 0.95

00:09:13.980 understand the competitive landscape there's you know people talk about abundance right abundance 0.98

00:09:19.020 mentality yeah there is abundance mentality but the abundance is shared amongst the most competitive

00:09:26.220 most skilled most disciplined people it is not shared with people who do not possess those

00:09:32.180 traits and skill sets so yes there's plenty of abundance for hard working discipline high skill

00:09:39.580 high drive high work ethic people plenty of abundance that abundance does not spread to you

00:09:45.620 if you're not doing any of those things and that's what people think and while i'm on it i want to say

00:09:50.920 something else you know i look all over the internet and i see all these people writing about their

00:09:56.060 journaling and their coal plunges and they're fucking touching the grass and they're getting in nature and 0.99

00:10:02.040 the fucking therapy and and all this shit and you know what the problem is with most of you 1.00

00:10:07.360 motherfuckers it's that you don't have a purpose you don't have a mission and it doesn't matter how 1.00

00:10:12.420 much therapy you go to it doesn't matter how many coal plunges you do it doesn't matter how much you 1.00

00:10:18.020 spend grounding it doesn't matter how many months you spend in the van it doesn't matter any of the 0.87

00:10:24.240 shit that how many journal pages you wrote it's never gonna make you feel good if you're leaving it on 0.87

00:10:30.880 the table if you're not exercising your potential if you don't have a purpose you don't have a mission 0.99

00:10:37.300 the reason you feel like shit is because you know that you're letting your potential die on the vine 0.80

00:10:44.240 you're letting your potential go to waste and that is an underlying condition that's causing you this 0.99

00:10:50.380 anxiety causing you this stress causing you this uncomfortable place that you're trying to fix with 0.98

00:10:56.640 all this modern day side and by the way the shit might work okay it might help it might make you 0.98

00:11:03.620 feel a little bit better but the reality is you need to solve the underlying problem when the underlying 0.99

00:11:07.920 problem is you're not exercising your potential and for that reason you fucking feel like shit that's 0.98

00:11:14.000 it yeah so you know maybe maybe instead of journaling some more and coal plunging some more and touching the 1.00

00:11:21.360 grass some more and fucking whatever the fuck else you guys do maybe you should get the fucking work 0.99

00:11:27.500 and maybe you should try to build something great and maybe you should try to do something that fucking 0.99

00:11:32.660 matters and you won't feel like shit all the time oh what love it it's the truth i'm so sick of seeing it dude 0.98

00:11:41.720 i'm not against any of that shit i'm not against it but so many people are out here trying to optimize 0.98

00:11:47.320 and what are you trying to optimize you don't do anything so what's what's five times zero zero 0.97

00:11:54.880 okay so if you go out and you do five self-care things and then you're leaving your potential on 1.00

00:12:01.460 the on the table as a zero that means you're going zero yeah there's no multiplier yes yeah like fuck bro 0.94

00:12:07.800 we're here to create we're here to live we're here to build we're here to contribute that can look a lot 0.96

00:12:12.520 of different ways for a lot of different people it doesn't mean build a business it doesn't mean 0.76

00:12:16.460 it means doing your fucking best and leaving none of your potential on the table and dude if you 0.99

00:12:23.220 don't do that guess what you're gonna feel like shit it's just reality it's real shit man that's 0.99

00:12:29.920 real uh only thing i would ask bro is like next time just make sure you give me a heads up when 0.99

00:12:34.500 doing the math math questions why you know that shit can get me sometimes yeah well everything times 0.98

00:12:40.340 zero zero that's true yeah i thought about that quick i'm like fuck yeah all right yeah sweet man 0.99

00:12:45.240 well uh i got some good ones for you man let's keep this heat moving uh guys andy question number

00:12:51.520 one uh hey andy just wanted to say i love your content i came across your stuff on facebook and

00:12:57.140 tiktok and start listening to your podcast my question for you is i want to start a business

00:13:02.280 in my trade i've been a machinist for the last 15 years and i want to open my own shop how does a

00:13:09.320 person like me that is barely uh scraping by do that i've heard many times in this trade that you 0.81

00:13:14.820 have to have money to make money um i feel that's a bunch of bullshit but i could be wrong i don't know 0.93

00:13:20.780 jack shit about opening a business and only have a little knowledge on how to run it properly i thought 0.93

00:13:25.740 a few times about just running something small out of my garage and then eventually working my way up 0.98

00:13:31.300 the ladder what are your thoughts on this first time getting going very simple one bring your

00:13:36.760 lifestyle way down okay whatever your lifestyle is if you're serious about starting a business and 1.00

00:13:42.540 you're serious about building a business sell your fucking house sell your fucking nice car sell all 0.98

00:13:48.500 your luxuries and downsize into something that you can tolerate not that something that is ideal okay 1.00

00:13:54.660 that's number one two work to save as much money as you can all that money you're paying over here

00:14:01.380 work to fucking build some capital three you're on the right track start out small start in your garage 0.88

00:14:08.900 a lot of people go out and they try to borrow money or they try to have this nice shop with their name 0.97

00:14:14.660 on the door and their business that ain't business bro that's called playing business business is actually

00:14:20.540 doing work and trading a good or a service or information for people's money okay it doesn't

00:14:27.040 matter how nice your office is it doesn't matter how cool your business card is and a lot of people 0.98

00:14:32.020 get caught up in that shit they think that's what matters it doesn't fucking matter at all it's a zero 0.95

00:14:35.920 factor okay you need to do good work and you need it you need to exceed customers expectations and allow 1.00

00:14:43.820 the word of mouth of your service of your good of your product to spread all right so those are the

00:14:51.000 three first steps after you start the cash flow after you start to make more money from doing this

00:14:57.520 small in your garage which you've already figured out then you're going to start to make investments

00:15:04.580 you're going to continue to save money you're going to you're going to continue to take the money that

00:15:08.340 you make and you're going to invest it into more equipment you're going to invest it into more

00:15:11.960 resources to to produce more goods you're going to invest it in all the things that make a business

00:15:16.480 run this is totally doable lots of people do this but most people do not have the dedication to

00:15:23.560 actually execute it because they refuse to make the cuts in their lifestyle so they would rather live

00:15:29.980 a a slightly above mediocre lifestyle and not have a business than they were are to take a step

00:15:38.280 back humble themselves maybe look a little silly to their friends and family and just start the

00:15:43.580 business but you're going to get the last laugh because in 10 years you're going to have a machine 0.97

00:15:48.520 shop that's doing that's kicking ass let's do it and by the way you're going to be doing what you want 0.96

00:15:52.640 you're going to you're going to be building things you're going to be creating things i imagine you 0.63

00:15:56.060 like to work with your hands so this is this is how you do these things you take a step backwards and by the

00:16:01.640 way you might not be able to sell your house but my point is downsize your life downsize your financial

00:16:08.740 commitments take that money invest it into what you're doing as you make more money continue to 0.97

00:16:14.560 live as small as you can for as long as you can as long as you can okay don't be the fucking internet 0.99

00:16:22.020 dumbass who goes out and tries to buy a fucking lamborghini after two years so he could show off on the 0.99

00:16:28.840 internet okay be the guy who like me lives well below his means for the first 10 years in business 1.00

00:16:35.600 okay does everything at the lowest possible denominator of cost all right which will allow

00:16:43.480 you to scale your business a lot of people when they hear my story and i talk about how the first

00:16:49.240 seven or the first three years we made no money the next seven years we made 695 a month 0.98

00:16:55.360 for a grand total of 58 000 for 10 years right combined they hear that and they say holy shit 0.98

00:17:04.300 dude how did you endure that how did you get because man i wanted to scale and i didn't have 0.96

00:17:10.920 any financial resources and now here we are a company that does hundreds and hundreds and hundreds

00:17:17.220 of millions of dollars in sales and we don't have any debt you know why we don't have any debt

00:17:22.500 because i learned to operate on our own cash flow long ago and the way that we got to this

00:17:28.600 was we were able to when we started making money see people hear oh 10 years but what they don't

00:17:35.340 realize is that like six years in we were making money and we just kept all that money in the business

00:17:40.220 and continue to live below our means over the course of the next four years right until we got to be

00:17:46.360 a little bit older and we were making quite a bit more money and then we started you know doing some

00:17:51.180 things and then when we started doing really well you know our lifestyle increased and you'll know

00:17:56.420 when that point is but the point is you should be going this is how you know these these entrepreneurs 0.99

00:18:01.860 on the internet are fucking dumbasses because they start a business and the next thing you know you see 1.00

00:18:07.160 them driving a lamborghini urus suv which is the biggest fucking poser car on the fucking planet if you 1.00

00:18:12.860 have one you should fucking sell it because you look like a fucking clown okay so the reality is they 1.00

00:18:19.060 go out and buy this shit so they can pretend to be successful and they're cutting their fucking nose 1.00

00:18:23.860 off to spite their face they want people to think they're successful but their business isn't actually 1.00

00:18:29.260 growing at the rate that it should be and they think that fake it till you make it means look the part of

00:18:34.560 success and so people believe that fake it till you make it doesn't have anything to do with other

00:18:39.580 people it has to do with this pretend you're already that successful person and then emulate their

00:18:45.640 behaviors how does the hundred millionaire how does the billionaire live their life for real how do

00:18:52.780 they do it what do they do what's their systems of operation how do they run their life so you how do they

00:18:59.540 treat people how you fake that right that's not you you behave that way and then it becomes you that's

00:19:07.600 what people don't get when you want to change your life bro you can change it today you can become a

00:19:13.640 different person today by changing your behaviors today now the results of those behavioral changes

00:19:20.720 take time to materialize in reality for everybody to recognize but as long as you're not behaving like 1.00

00:19:26.940 that fat piece of shit from fucking the last six years you're a different motherfucker today you see 1.00

00:19:32.280 what i'm saying so it's adopt the behavior not adopt the lifestyle and when we talk about fake it till 1.00

00:19:39.080 you make it so many people misunderstand what that means that doesn't mean what people think it means 0.97

00:19:44.700 and sell your fucking urus holy shit wasn't it uh what was it apple or microsoft that also started 0.99

00:19:51.060 in the garage was an apple yeah lots of companies did bro lots of companies and i think people just 1.00

00:19:56.240 like they will hear that or they see that they don't understand like that's what the real sacrifice

00:20:00.980 looks like that's what real success first form started my garage yeah started my garage i used to drive

00:20:06.700 so we had a deal with a manufacturer to consult and then at when we consulted with them then they

00:20:14.780 started to uh that deal fell through we had made an agreement for them to make product they allowed 0.97

00:20:19.720 us to make small little runs i used to pick it up with scott halsey in the back of our fucking pickup 0.96

00:20:24.420 trucks we didn't have a warehouse all we had was the we had uh like 10 or 11 stores at the time and 0.85

00:20:30.160 uh we we go put it in my garage and then as the stores needed we would distribute it through from

00:20:36.640 i would distribute it scott would distribute it he would take half the stores i would take half the

00:20:41.660 stores we'd put the shit in the back of the pickup truck we'd drive it to the stores as needed right 0.98

00:20:46.280 and when we started doing that bro each store we need like two cases which is fucking six six bottles 0.98

00:20:53.180 of protein so or it's 12 right so the a lot of people start like this and and dude it just it's

00:21:01.840 a very simple equation downgrade your lifestyle increase your available cash make the investments

00:21:08.360 that you need to make to start small do a great job make a great product over serve the customer to

00:21:14.300 the point where they're talking about it and they're spreading the word and then scale up as you go and you

00:21:18.960 make more money and that's how you do it and then live small for as long as you can i love it i love

00:21:24.340 that man guys uh any question number two hey andy and dj uh i'm 23 years old and i am number nine of 12 0.97

00:21:32.180 kids in my family damn yeah shit that's a big family like to do it 0.98

00:21:37.400 i'm also married to plant some fucking seeds yeah he's a farmer i'm also married to my perfect girl 1.00

00:21:49.920 the whole time we dated in high school she liked me because i was sweet forgiving and patient 0.97

00:21:55.420 i think growing up as number nine i was often overlooked and forgotten so i was never very

00:22:01.420 confident and thus became sweet and easy to forgive because i was afraid to speak my mind

00:22:05.920 that being said i've been listening to your podcast for a little over a year and i loved it instantly 0.99

00:22:10.940 i've been trying to develop the fuck you mentality for the past six months or so looking back the last 0.98

00:22:17.880 six months as i've been more assertive and stern um in saying what i mean i've noticed myself being 0.99

00:22:23.560 much more pissed off easily annoyed and honestly being a dick to everyone around me unfortunately that 0.58

00:22:29.620 has unconsciously included my sweet wife who loved me and married me for being sweet loving

00:22:35.320 and non-judgmental um i took a deep look at myself this past sunday and realized i really want to be

00:22:41.420 that alpha guy who speaks his mind whenever i enter a room but i can't find the right way to do it

00:22:47.160 without ruining relationships around me after realizing this i talked to my wife and she started crying

00:22:52.840 saying that she has missed the real me and she still loves me but i'm not the same man she married

00:22:58.260 and not in a good way so my question is how can i remain patient loving forgiving and kind

00:23:03.640 while still speaking my mind in a stern manner i want to be that alpha guy but still be gentle to

00:23:09.200 my loved ones first of all congratulations on your wife and you sounds like you have a great family it

00:23:15.960 sounds like you're a really good dude there's nothing wrong with that no like what's if it ain't broke

00:23:21.020 don't fix it bro like and just because you have an idea of what alpha is alpha is not running around

00:23:28.200 just because i have an aggressive disposition does not mean that you have to adopt that that's just

00:23:33.740 who i am i'm that's my authentic self and by the way i think if you ask the people around me

00:23:39.640 how i am most of the time most time pretty fucking nice bro you got the biggest heart i've ever known 0.99

00:23:44.000 yeah so like dude this is you have to retrain what you think alpha is there's a lot of fake alpha fucks 0.95

00:23:51.920 on the internet who call them first of all if anybody calls themselves alpha they're not alpha 0.98

00:23:56.540 okay second of all yeah it's true um so you got to understand alpha is not about being a dick alpha 0.63

00:24:06.260 is not about being mean it's not about saying curse words it's not about any of that dude alpha is about 0.80

00:24:12.300 being a man standing up for what's right telling the truth protecting the people around you providing

00:24:18.700 for the people around you and being kind and being caring and then having a having some boundaries

00:24:24.860 when people step on your toes you might have to stomp on somebody's throat okay so that part of it

00:24:29.240 is little one percent of your life right and you have to you have to understand we're fed especially

00:24:36.200 someone who feels like hey man i'm trying to figure this out right we're fed this idea of alpha male

00:24:41.960 alpha male that is isn't real right alpha male is like my brother okay who treats his family really

00:24:49.700 good who handles his business who takes care of everybody around him and yeah sometimes he'll 0.96

00:24:55.380 fucking let you know when you're fucking up but isn't that real love isn't real kindness telling 0.98

00:25:01.080 someone when they're stepping in the wrong hole or they're fucking their life up and being honest 0.99

00:25:05.520 about it because being kind and loving doesn't mean letting people mess up their lives it means hey

00:25:11.280 man this ain't cool that's not good it's holding a standard and so when you think of like what alpha

00:25:17.960 means brother that doesn't mean you got to change your whole personality dude in fact it sounds like you

00:25:23.780 got a great personality and it sounds like you got a great wife so you know let's let's keep in mind

00:25:29.380 here what what true alpha is is being your authentic self man and then you know it sounds like what

00:25:36.140 you're struggling with is that you don't have a boundary okay and so what you need to work on is 0.99

00:25:42.140 and the only change you need to make here i wouldn't change my personality you don't have to be a dick you 0.96

00:25:48.020 don't have to just go out of your way to let people know you know that you're an alpha that's not what 0.94

00:25:54.260 we're talking about what we're talking about is being prepared when someone steps on your toes

00:25:59.800 what does that look like for you and i bet for your most of your life you kind of just say oh it's no

00:26:05.180 big deal and you brush it off and i bet because you know it's wrong and it's violating your own

00:26:10.720 integrity with yourself it's lowered your self-esteem and it's lowered your confidence and the reason

00:26:15.960 you're struggling with confidence is because you know that there are things that happen to you that

00:26:21.400 you are not okay with that you pretend to be okay with and you have to understand that it is 100

00:26:26.400 okay to let people know when you are not okay with things that's just called communication and

00:26:33.760 when you have a boundary and you do all the other stuff i talked about that's what makes you an alpha 0.73

00:26:38.720 dude alpha is not one of these dudes and it fucks me it fucks me up because i know a lot of you guys 0.93

00:26:45.000 like you you hear me talk and you know i got a beard i got scars and i got tattoos and you 0.72

00:26:51.380 like oh and yo bro that's not that's that has nothing to do with it that's not that's just

00:26:56.160 handling my business you know i'm saying that's just being me and i'm an authentic human being

00:27:00.780 and and dude i think being authentic and just you know having boundaries and being kind and being

00:27:09.340 respectful having manner bro there's nothing more alpha than having manners you know what i'm saying

00:27:15.020 and treating people right there's nothing more alpha than that so like dude look man

00:27:20.040 i feel what you're saying but don't try to emulate someone else just identify the little problem that

00:27:26.620 you have which it sounds like is just boundaries start holding that boundary when necessary and even 0.92

00:27:31.380 when you hold the boundary it doesn't mean you have to be an asshole now if they escalate it you can be

00:27:35.960 but you don't have to be in fact some of the ways to enforce boundaries are very simple very calm 0.93

00:27:41.160 very very very simple hey i don't like that man you're supposed to be my friend friends don't do

00:27:48.700 that you see what i'm saying very easy yeah and that sticks with people a lot more than screaming

00:27:54.660 at them you know yeah so bro it sounds like you're doing good man and it sounds like you're just

00:28:00.400 reading too much into it and i think you i think your wife is right you know you need to pull back a

00:28:04.540 little bit and just realize your problem is letting people do things that you don't agree with

00:28:09.060 and then pretending like you agree with them that's what's hurting your confidence and if you

00:28:13.380 just fix that little aspect of it you're going to feel a lot better and you won't feel so guilty

00:28:17.000 about the way that you're behaving yeah i think jordan i love that man i think jordan peterson also

00:28:21.700 said something on this it's like you know somebody asked him like oh you know being a man that means

00:28:25.440 you have to be violent he's like no you have to be capable yeah that's right yeah that's all it is 0.99

00:28:30.220 yeah right and so like you don't have to walk around ready to fucking you know kill everybody no but 0.99

00:28:35.500 but you have to be capable of it yeah for sure yeah right and i think that's ultimately what it 0.97

00:28:39.520 comes down to man like that's a that's a big deal and dude there's so much like i see these reels and 0.96

00:28:43.860 shit on instagram of like you know bro oh my god fuck out of here like dude let me get my man bun 0.99

00:28:50.860 i'm gonna fucking you know grow my beard like come on man it's like i saw this one last night 1.00

00:28:55.420 like i see this one all the time and it just irritates the shit out of me 0.99

00:28:59.300 i'm gonna make moves in silence real real bosses make moves in silence you realize

00:29:06.340 that you're putting this on the internet right which makes it not silent yeah it's not silent

00:29:11.280 at all and and by the way if you were actually making moves the results would tell the story

00:29:16.760 yeah but you're not making any moves you're just trying to tell people you're going to make moves

00:29:21.040 so you could feel good right now yeah when in reality what you need to do is let your results do

00:29:26.320 the talking stop talking about all these moves you're not making and stop embarrassing yourself

00:29:31.120 saying i'm going to do this i'm going to do that i'm going to make these moves you'll never see 1.00

00:29:34.440 what's coming i got and never nothing ever happens you look like a fucking idiot okay so stop making 1.00

00:29:41.120 yourself look like an idiot shut the fuck up and go build something and then come back and say all 1.00

00:29:46.020 right i made some moves inside god dude i get so tired of these young kids saying this dumb shit 1.00

00:29:53.260 yeah you're fucking 20 years old you don't know shit about life you shouldn't be life coaching 1.00

00:29:57.840 anybody fucking 22 year old course fuckers 1.00

00:30:01.720 oh i'm fucking i'm i'm life coach i'm gonna teach you how to make moves in silence fuck up 1.00

00:30:09.260 go fucking build something dude and what they don't understand is they're going to ruin their 0.99

00:30:14.960 reputation and then they're not going to be able to build anything real but what the fuck do i know 1.00

00:30:20.060 you know yep i'm just a podcaster and a youtuber

00:30:23.500 uh i love it man the guys andy our third and final question question number three andy uh in 0.98

00:30:30.760 the last fucking 22 years old dude will fucking make seven million dollars and fucking every week 0.95

00:30:36.700 from my basement yeah let's fucking drive a lamborghini urus who moves in silence yeah do it all 1.00

00:30:43.020 in silence fuck out of here so fucking sick of these fucking clowns dude i do it all in silence 1.00

00:30:50.860 oh man all right guys andy question number three uh andy uh andy in the last four years i've lost my 1.00

00:31:00.760 dad my sister and cousin to suicide i'm no stranger to depression and i'm having struggles of my own i feel

00:31:07.640 like depression might get me unless i find the strength to get back on track i have a wife four

00:31:13.440 amazing kids and a high-paying job and i still find myself in dark mental struggles from time to time

00:31:18.860 my question is do you still have times of mental darkness even though you have amazing things in

00:31:25.600 your life and how do you get yourself back on track when you're not in a good place mentally

00:31:29.640 man this is a tough question to answer because everybody's so different in what they struggle and how

00:31:36.140 they struggle and what their internal dialogue is and while i believe that therapy has become very

00:31:42.720 predatory i believe in certain cases there is a need to talk to someone and kind of work through 0.93

00:31:49.140 what the root cause is with the understanding that you're not going to talk to them for fucking ever 0.96

00:31:53.760 right okay if they start trying to get you there for the next seven years they're just milking you 0.98

00:31:58.220 for money there's a lot of predatory shit about therapy all right they try to talk get you to talk 0.96

00:32:03.440 about and focus on your problems so hard that your problems actually just stay at the forefront of 0.99

00:32:08.880 your mind which makes you more miserable than what you would actually be okay so there's that too

00:32:14.500 stop focusing so hard on how bad you feel and start focusing on what your mission is in life

00:32:20.900 what's your purpose what are you trying to build what are you trying to create who are you trying to

00:32:25.280 become and when you take that focus off of all your problems and you start focusing on moving

00:32:29.620 forward this turns the noise down on on how bad this seems to be okay when you look at a problem

00:32:36.460 and you stare at a problem and you get obsessed with the problem and this is what a lot of these

00:32:40.140 people do with the self-care right they're trying to eliminate all problems from their life they call

00:32:45.640 it optimization they're trying to eliminate all anxiety from their life let me tell you something

00:32:51.780 and save you years and years and years and years because i went through this myself

00:32:55.400 you cannot eliminate all the anxiety from your life anxiety serves a purpose in your life and that

00:33:02.260 purpose is to remind you when something needs to be addressed that you're not addressing okay now can

00:33:07.240 anxiety become overwhelming sure it can but guess what cures anxiety action towards the thing that you

00:33:14.260 know needs to be done so my question to you would be what is it that you think needs to be done what is it

00:33:20.640 that you are putting off what is it that you are afraid of what is it that you are thinking about

00:33:26.240 doing that you're not doing what do you know you should be doing that you're not doing that's where

00:33:30.800 you're going to find the answer of the direction that you need to go to move away from this place of

00:33:35.420 constant focus and constant dwelling on your depression so that you could turn the volume down on that

00:33:43.100 okay that's the first thing the second thing is bro there are medications for this and i think that

00:33:49.620 i think that there is um i think that these things are way over prescribed i think they're over prescribed

00:33:56.380 by 95 percent but there's situations where they're appropriate and you need to talk to someone who's got

00:34:03.000 a reasonable mind who uses common sense to decide if that's an option for you and i don't like to

00:34:08.220 recommend that you guys all know how i feel about those things but there's still a purpose for these

00:34:13.540 things in some cases okay but my opinion on this with all that being said is that we live in this

00:34:22.560 culture right now of victimhood we live in this culture where everywhere we turn and everywhere we

00:34:28.860 look on the internet we see people talking about mental health we see people talking about their

00:34:33.980 depression their anxiety their frustration their stress their negativity etc etc bro when you surround

00:34:42.360 yourself with that it's like swimming in a swimming pool full of negativity all right and when you look 0.98

00:34:49.140 around and all you can see is people that are talking about how fucked up they are your natural reaction 1.00

00:34:54.780 is to start looking at yourself and say well fuck what's fucked up about me right which is okay if you 0.99

00:35:00.520 look at it and you say all right i could improve here i could get in a little better shape i could 0.99

00:35:05.060 treat people a little nicer i could do more productive things i could read a little more i could do a better

00:35:09.660 job at my career that's okay but when you start analyzing yourself so deep and looking for problems

00:35:16.700 guess what's gonna happen you're gonna fucking find them because every single one of us has a past 0.52

00:35:22.820 every single one of us has things that we regret every single one of us has situations that have 0.97

00:35:28.360 happened to us every single one of us has things that bother us from our past and when we constantly

00:35:34.980 dwell and we constantly focus and we get obsessed with those things and we start telling ourselves

00:35:39.860 this story well i can't feel good because this happened to me or i can't feel good because of that 0.99

00:35:45.060 happened to me well that happened to you bro how the fuck can you change that guess what you can't 0.98

00:35:51.640 so what you have to do is you have to come to terms with the reality of what has happened 0.99

00:35:56.700 and you have to give yourself some grace you have to forgive yourself you have to let yourself

00:36:01.720 understand that thing that happened to me wow it wasn't ideal and it wasn't great and it was very

00:36:07.940 painful and i might have handled it wrong i learned a lesson from it and by the way then after you learn

00:36:13.980 your lesson you move forward and don't do the same shit again all right and if it's something that 0.80

00:36:19.020 happened to you what did you learn if it was something out of your control what did you learn 1.00

00:36:23.780 i got stabbed in the fucking face bro my whole face is fucked up okay i got one here here all the 1.00

00:36:30.160 way across here and in my back all right i could have lived my whole life saying fuck dude i got stabbed 1.00

00:36:37.080 in the fucking face i can't do anything everybody looks at me weird you know to this day people come 1.00

00:36:42.660 up to me they're like fuck dude what happened to you right it's been 20 years 21 years since it 1.00

00:36:47.480 happened all right i've lived my most of my life with that in my life i would have been it would have been 0.98

00:36:52.800 very easy for me to say that traumatic event happened to me but i couldn't do anything instead

00:36:58.080 i said hey that traumatic event happened to me and because of that people remember me i'm memorable 0.98

00:37:04.180 and i'm going to leverage that into building the life that i want and here the fuck i am 0.76

00:37:08.500 okay so we have the power to change the perspective about the events that have happened to us and either 0.97

00:37:14.920 use them for us or against us there's a famous story about a man who was an alcoholic and he had two sons

00:37:22.380 one son grew up to be an alcoholic they asked him why are you an alcoholic and he said well that's

00:37:30.380 what i learned because my dad was an alcoholic the other son never drank a drink in his whole life

00:37:36.100 and they said how come you never drank and he said because my dad was an alcoholic okay and that's what

00:37:41.780 we get to choose when hard things happen to us when they were out of our control now if it's you that

00:37:46.060 did the hard thing you have to learn a lesson you have to forgive yourself and you have to move

00:37:50.600 forward how do you forgive yourself it's very simple okay how would you talk to your friend 1.00

00:37:57.400 if your best friend came to you and said hey dj fuck man i fucking did this i did that i fucked this 0.99

00:38:06.020 up what would you say to your friend you would say something like this bro come on dude like everybody 1.00

00:38:13.000 fucks up yeah right yeah that's not good you shouldn't do that again but everybody has something 0.98

00:38:20.340 like that dude so like just into the fucking world yeah just don't do it again and move forward bro 0.99

00:38:26.140 and that that helps you get rid of the shame get rid of the guilt and get rid of the weight that 0.98

00:38:31.340 you're carrying which causes all of this negative feeling right so uh and then on top of it dude you

00:38:38.600 know you need to get yourself in the best mental shape possible you know so like doing something

00:38:43.500 like live hard or 75 hard is a great idea for you because it's going to get your mind right it's

00:38:48.860 going to get your body right it's going to get you feeling great about yourself it's going to build

00:38:52.920 trust with yourself it's going to build confidence grit fortitude self-belief self-esteem the ability

00:38:58.980 to endure and when you can follow through on the things that you set out to do when you say hey i'm

00:39:05.100 going to do this and then you can go do it without any hesitation bro you believe in yourself you 0.99

00:39:10.940 trust yourself you start to love yourself and you say damn dude i'm a bad motherfucker okay and guess 0.99

00:39:17.080 what happens to your confidence it goes up all right so yeah dude i do struggle with these things but 0.99

00:39:23.440 i've also learned how to manage them and how to move through them and how to manage them and move through

00:39:29.180 them is by getting everything else in order and by focusing on what my mission is what my

00:39:34.920 purpose is executing against that and then making sure that i'm doing all the things that i know i

00:39:40.420 need to do to move me forward and by the way if you're doing all those things and you're focused on

00:39:45.600 your mission and you're focused on your health and you're focused on improving and you're focused on

00:39:50.200 moving forward and you're focused on moving your body and all these things bro you don't got time to 0.97

00:39:55.460 worry about your fucking past okay so uh yeah that's that's what i would say bro i think it's a normal 0.98

00:40:03.140 thing that people struggle with i think it's way overblown and way over exaggerated because of the 0.99

00:40:07.980 culture that we live in you know in the fucking 1990s bro nobody was talking about this no nobody 0.92

00:40:13.520 came out and said you know oh i need a mental health day you know what i'm saying like dude it's way 0.93

00:40:19.040 it's way overblown and the reason that it's way overblown now has a lot to do with how society is 0.95

00:40:26.420 in the 90s there was no internet so you know what people had to do they had to go fucking work

00:40:31.640 okay or they starved now we have a situation where people can stay home they can scroll all day 0.99

00:40:37.980 they can get a check from the government they could fuck and bro that removes their entire mission their 0.98

00:40:43.540 entire purpose in life and just like i was talking earlier if you don't exercise or or or draw out 0.99

00:40:51.020 the potential in yourself you are going to feel depressed you're going to feel anxious because you

00:40:58.340 know in your heart that you are leaving everything that you could potentially do and potentially become 0.58

00:41:04.020 on the table and that is going to bother you that is going to fucking make you feel depressed that is 0.97

00:41:08.980 going to make you feel dark so what is it you're trying to do what is your mission what kind of shape 0.85

00:41:15.120 are you in how do you eat how do you train what are you reading what's your environment like are you

00:41:20.860 spending all this time scrolling or are you spending time moving forward all right so those are the

00:41:26.960 things that that you can do to manage it and by the way um you know i i think it's if we're getting

00:41:33.820 down to to brass tacks here i think it's as simple like and people are going to hate that i say this but 0.98

00:41:39.320 i think it's as simple as this look around at all these soft motherfuckers crying about their lives 1.00

00:41:45.240 and realize that you don't want to be one of them yeah you know what i'm saying when i look around 0.99

00:41:49.940 at all these people crying about their fucking sad story when honestly they haven't had shit happen to 0.98

00:41:56.060 them right you never hear the people who've had real shit complaining about their lives you've 1.00

00:42:01.240 never had the burn victim complaining you never heard the the physically deformed person complaining 1.00

00:42:06.480 you never heard the guy who lost an arm or a leg complaining all you hear is a bunch of fucking 1.00

00:42:11.840 pussies complaining about basic shit that's called life and when i look around and i see all that shit 1.00

00:42:17.800 bro it just makes me not want to be like them so i'm like fuck that i'm not doing that i'm not a 1.00

00:42:22.780 victim i'm not a bitch i'm not a pussy i'm gonna go fucking do this no matter how i feel and that 1.00

00:42:27.960 fixes the problem for me yeah okay that's real shit man i love it yeah i fucking love it well guys 1.00

00:42:34.200 that was three yeah don't be a hoe show the show 1.00

00:42:38.760 yeah went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stole counted millions 1.00

00:42:46.260 in the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold doesn't know headshot case close 1.00

00:42:53.780 also code k 0.99

00:42:58.560 you

00:42:59.260 you

00:43:01.260 now

00:43:01.280 now

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REAL AF with Andy Frisella - April 18, 2024

688. Q&AF： Starting Your First Business, What "Alpha" Really Means & Dealing With Depression

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - April 18, 2024

688. Q&#x26;AF： Starting Your First Business, What &#x22;Alpha&#x22; Really Means &#x26; Dealing With Depression

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

688. Q&AF： Starting Your First Business, What "Alpha" Really Means & Dealing With Depression