715. Q&AF： Getting Comfortable With Failure, Taking On Too Many Tasks & Changing Your Attitude
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode of the Q&A Show, Andy and I talk about his new found passion of becoming a professional landscaper. We also talk about how he is using the 75 Hard Program to improve his mental toughness and become the man you recognize today.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy priscilla this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys
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it is monday which means we have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you
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the answers now if you would like your questions answered on the show you can submit them a few
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different ways the first way is guys email these questions in to ask andy at andy for selling.com
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or you go on youtube in the q and af episodes drop your question right there in the comments and we'll
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pick some from there as well now as we go through the week if this is your first time listening we
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have shows within the show we're going to have cti tomorrow that stands for cruise the internet
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this is where we put topics of the day up on the screen we speculate on what's true on what's not
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true and then we talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in society
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other times we're going to have real talk real talk is just 5 to 20 minutes of me giving you
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some real talk all right that basically means some stuff i just think you need to hear uh and then we
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have 75 hard verses 75 hard verses is where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the
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show talk about how their life was before how they fixed it using the 75 hard program and how you could
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do the same now if you're unfamiliar with the 75 hard program it is the world's most popular mental
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transformation program in history it is the initial phase of the live hard program and guess what
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it's free all right go to episode 208 on the audio feed listen to it get the program it'll help you
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get your shit together now if you want and you're someone like me who needs to know the ins and outs
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and the nuts and bolts and the complete picture on anything you can buy the book there is a book called
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the book on mental toughness it outlines the entire live hard program plus 10 chapters on mental toughness
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plus case studies on very famous people and how they use mental toughness to become the people
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that you recognize today you can get that book at andy frisella.com it's called the book on mental
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toughness go get you one now you're going to notice as we go through the week unlike every other show
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out there i do not take money for ads on my show and the reason i don't is because i don't want to
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listen to some knucklehead telling me what i should or shouldn't say i say what the fuck i want
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and i stand on that and i'm not going to listen to any sponsors so i don't have them so i make a
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deal with you i'm not going to have sponsors and edit myself and you're going to help me share the
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show because i'm constantly dealing with censorship and traffic throttling and bands and as you guys
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know they deleted my instagram just a week ago and so i need your help getting the message out so if
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the message is good if it makes you think if it makes you laugh if it gives you a new perspective
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if it teaches you some skills if it's something you think people need to hear i need you to share
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the show all right so don't be a hoe share the show all right what's up nothing did you gotta
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catch up on the tan man i got i think i just got a big head start on you roll that sleeve up
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that's all but listen i'm definitely darker than that no though wait darker than what up top yeah
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i'm just sicilian which means i'm only 12 black so i yeah i gotta catch up but you know what i bet in
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another month i'll be as dark as you i don't know about that yep we'll see we will see all right how's
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that pool going oh dude listen don't even get me started on the pool man is it did you give up on it
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i think i we're in a holding pattern that means you gave up no i didn't give up i know we're just
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saving some coins because i got the landscaper quit uh quote um it was some ducks and uh yeah so we're
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just you know well the good news is is i got an awesome pool so all right i'll see you tomorrow
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yeah that's right i just gotta figure out what i got a big fucking hole in the backyard though so
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i told you not to fuck with it man yeah it's like you told me after they started digging
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yeah well you maybe should have asked me before they started digging okay all right now that's
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a fair point yeah i'll give you that hey andy what do you think about me getting a pool i would
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have said you're a fucking idiot don't do that i got an awesome pool yeah i'm use that pool you do
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have a nice pool man yeah yeah fuck yeah yeah all right we'll see we'll see all right what do you
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got uh i got a nice tan my tan's better than yours right now
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guys i got three good ones for you that's what i was looking for man that's what i was looking for
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i know what you look for i got i got exactly what you're looking for oh really yeah that sounds a
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little it sounds exactly how it's supposed to sound that sounds a little dylan mulaney a little diddy
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yeah a little diddy guys 80 question number one let's get through uh let's knock these out let's
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make some people better guys andy uh question number one andy i'm 19 years old and i've been
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trying to get more comfortable with failing uh and just going can you give me some insight on one
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of the best failures you have ever made oh man um it's been hard because i don't really have the
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perspective of knowing if my failures will actually work uh for me so hearing one of yours i think would
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really help one of the best failures you've ever made andy well what you got dude i don't know if
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i could point one out because they're all valuable in different ways you know like it's not big failures
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and little failures it's all lessons we have to we have to search for these lessons okay when you
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when you tie your shoe and it's not a double knot and your shoe comes untied twice what do you start
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doing that's right and while that might be a small insignificant lesson it's a lesson these shoes
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need a double knot and i feel like when people hear this thing about failing all they ever think about
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is the big failures all they ever think about is the embarrassing failures or the ones that people see
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but the ones that they don't see are just as valuable because they teach you lessons so i would
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encourage you instead of like listening to my failures i mean dude look i couldn't even tell
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you a failure because i failed a hundred times for every public win that you guys have ever witnessed
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so like and it's weird because people think oh man they did this or they did that that guy's super
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smart no i was just willing to try every other way until this fucking worked all right and that's the
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attitude that we have to have and yeah when you've been doing it for 25 years and you've done pretty well
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because you're willing to go out and get smashed in the face over and over and over again with bad
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ideas or bad thoughts or mistakes until you find the right one people are gonna think you're a fucking
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genius which is kind of cool but it's not the truth the truth is i'm an idiot just like all you guys i
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don't know what the fuck i'm doing but i am willing to do this i am willing to try it this way try it that
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way try it this other way those three didn't work i got killed on those three i try it this way now this
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new way and i will keep going until i figure out how to make it work and i don't give a fuck about
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what joe from the old neighborhood has to say or stacy the ex-girlfriend i don't give a shit fuck
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them i care about getting where i'm trying to go so i don't care if i fail i don't care if a million
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people see it i don't care if 10 million people see it i don't care if it's just me seeing it but
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i have programmed my mind to look at every situation to determine did i get the best possible
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outcome there and if i didn't get the best possible outcome how do i improve my technique
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to get the best possible outcome and i do this in my life i do this in my business i do this in my
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training it is a it is a mindset that you must have which is i am always looking for ways to get better
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so when you think about failing don't just think of it like oh i got this big failure and all my
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friends from high school are gonna laugh at me good you need that fuel thank them write them a
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thank you card there's about a hundred people that i know their names legit that i should write them a
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card today and say hey thanks for making fun of me because here i am i'm rich bitch and you ain't
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right i should be fucking writing motherfuckers cards all day long let them laugh let them snicker let
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them talk shit and then use that as fuel to push you forward but never be afraid of failing never
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be afraid of being embarrassed because bro those people are going to be embarrassed by the scope of
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the life that they create you're going to be embarrassed for a short amount of time because
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you're working to create a better life there's a completely different perspective to have here when
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it comes to this so instead of looking at it like oh they want to try this because all my friends are
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going to laugh except they're going to laugh be thankful that they laugh use that as fuel and be
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willing to look at every single way to get something done until you figure it the fuck out
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and if you have that mindset if you have the ability to continue to try new things and understand that
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the things that didn't work you're not going to repeat you're not going to make the same mistake
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twice and you have the ability to continue down the path for as long as it fucking takes bro you
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can't fail it's fucking impossible it's impossible people only fail for one of two reasons they fail
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because one they're too fucking stupid to to not make the same mistake over and over and over again
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we see this with alcoholics we see this with with womanizers we see this with these things in society
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drug addicts these people can't get over that one thing so they do the same thing over and over and
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over and over again it wrecks their fucking life all right people do that in business too
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so you have to be smart enough to not fuck up more than once or twice on the same thing if you're
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that smart which all of you are you wouldn't be listening to shit you have enough intelligence
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to make it and it takes toughness on top of that and if you're that tough to where you're willing
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to do this for as long as it takes no matter how fucking hard it is if you could build yourself
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into that kind of person who could persevere through the hardships and never fucking quit until you
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get where you want to go bro it's impossible to fail it's fucking impossible okay so stop thinking
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of it like oh i want to hear what this guy's failure i'm sure bro i fucking failed everything i failed so
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much shit i couldn't even fucking tell you all the shit i failed like bro like sometimes i sit in the
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office with chris or sal or jason and we'll be like bro remember that time we did this and we'll
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fucking laugh because how stupid we were all right it's okay to be stupid just don't stay stupid
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i love that one thing you said man that i really love is you said not every failure
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is going to reveal the lesson right and so i feel like this kind of aligns with with with something
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very specific and it's just intent like you have to be very very intentful when looking at and
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reflecting on it's a mindset good shit and bad shit it's a mindset yeah what did i learn right here
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what like every day i go in the gym i work out i walk out of the gym you know what i'm doing
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i'm self-evaluating what did i do well what did i not do well how can i be better what can i do
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better next time i've been training for fucking 25 years 30 years and still doing that yes i do that
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with everything when i have a conversation with someone that i first meet for the first time and
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i'm walking away i'm replaying the conversation in my head i'm saying oh i could have done this or
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that or this i should have shook his hand a little better i should have looked him in the eye a little
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better i should have asked him more questions when i walk away from an important meeting i'm
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dissecting the meeting this is self-assessment i am looking for my failures big or small so that i
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can improve them because as you look at them over the course of time you end up plugging all these
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holes and over the course of 20 years you end up being a pretty bulletproof motherfucker you got all
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your holes patched you're pretty good at all areas you understand and you don't stop self-evaluating
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just because you got good at it okay so it's a mindset actively look for your failures big or
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small look to make adjustments self-assess don't worry about the big failures where everybody's
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gonna laugh you're gonna have plenty of those so don't those are coming you're not gonna avoid them
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so embrace them take the laughs look at these motherfuckers and give them the finger in your head
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and realize that hey one day i'm gonna be the one fucking laughing because you will be i love that
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man you can do that you give them the finger too and like you know not just in your head the best way
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to give people the finger is with the results you produce yeah you don't have to say shit i don't
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have to say fucking shit anymore that's the best feeling in the world what i'm gonna say like i see
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one of these people that fucking laughed at me back in the day
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i don't have to say anything they know they know yeah that's awesome shit bro that's that's worth the
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persevering in itself like when you can look someone in the eye who's fucking doubted you has made fun
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of you has talked shit on you to your face who's told you that you wouldn't be shit and you don't
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have to fucking say anything because they already fucking know there ain't nothing better than that bro
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yeah i love it man i love it guys any question number two uh hey andy i've been through 75 hard
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fully twice now uh and finished phase two both times um i'm wondering if there is a thing when
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you start getting really consistent uh to want to take on too many things at once because you feel
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like you can take on the world um i know this is what the power list is for but i find myself a lot
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of times adding task upon task inside of the power list because i feel like i can take it and be
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consistent so my question is when you start getting really consistent can it be an issue uh to want to
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take on too much all right look there's a fundamental idea out here in the world that to be successful you
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have to fucking work 27 hours out of 24 a day you got you can't sleep you can't do anything
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all and that's all bullshit okay the truth of the matter is you only have to do a few critical
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tasks every day five the rest of the day you can live like a normal human that's the point of the
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power list the point of the power list is to allow you to be effective and move forward and not feel
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like you have to be one of these people that doesn't sleep that doesn't spend any time with their family
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that doesn't have a life at all that is all bullshit and that's bullshit that's spewed from
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motherfuckers who haven't actually built anything are there going to be imbalances yes compared to
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whom compared to the average motherfucker that wakes up at 10 30 on saturday and starts drinking bush
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yeah you he can do that you can't do that okay but you're giving that up to go be a fucking
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multi-millionaire and build an awesome life all right so there's imbalances in your life you're going to
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work a lot more than everybody else but the purpose of the power list is so that you can be effective
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and still have some semblance of normalcy in your life all right so can you do too much yeah you can
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try to do too much and here's the problem with trying to do too much not only does it throw your
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life out of balance but you get into a situation where you can't complete all the tasks and when you
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start to not be able to complete the tasks you start to fail in your own mind okay those wins that
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you're stacking up with five critical tasks those become losses and what happens to your mental
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state after 30 days of straight losses what do you think does your confidence go up or down yeah
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goes down all right so when your confidence goes down your belief goes down when your belief goes
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down your ability to execute goes down when your ability to execute goes down you're all right so we
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have to operate in a way where we are effective day in and day out so that our confidence stays high
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our self-esteem stays high our ability to execute stays high and we're able to continue down the path
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in a very effective way does this make sense makes perfect so if you this happens a lot with the
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power list the power list is not just a tool to make you effective it is a tool to make you more
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confident in yourself just like 75 hard all right 75 hard and the power list are two different systems
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that when used together really make you unstoppable all right but the idea here is that you don't
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doubt yourself you don't lose belief in yourself you don't question yourself because you know no
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matter what what you put down on that motherfucking list is getting done and it's getting done at a
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high level and that way when you wake up in the morning and you know those mornings we wake up and
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you look in the mirror and you're like fuck dude i don't know i feel behind blah blah blah you can
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literally open up your power list and say well fuck dude i got 37 days in a row wins what the
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fuck else more could i be doing and then all of a sudden that doubt that anxiety that fear that
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frustration it goes away and you're like oh i just got to go do it again and then when you do that for
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a long enough time dude your life looks completely different yeah so yeah bro you can do too much
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and you have to realize what your limits are and you have to realize that if you try to do too much and
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you don't execute it it's going to destroy your confidence create doubt frustration disbelief
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which makes you ineffective in other areas i feel like that take like that's a different type of
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discipline right like okay you checked off the five boxes you feel fucking great it's
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fucking 11 o'clock in the morning and oh i mean there's one more thing i can knock out right like
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i feel like so i mean do you just not you're not doing that or you're not counting that as being done
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well of course look dude there's critical tasks then there's to do
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yeah okay your critical tasks move your whole life forward these are important phone calls
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important connections things that are going to it depends on where you are in a life but these things
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are going to move your life forward then there's all the other you got to do i got to do laundry
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take out the trash i got to take out those are not on your power right yeah exactly so so dude it's
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there's two different two different things yeah i could do a whole workshop on power list 75 hard and
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out the performance for an entire day i could talk about it for fucking 12 hours yeah so really the
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best thing is to go go listen to both podcasts episode 16 episode 208 put those into your life
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follow them exactly as they are laid out the biggest problem that we have is that people who are
00:19:06.580
unqualified who have never built anything who have never achieved anything think that they can edit
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programs that are built by people who have done all the things that you want to do and that's no
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different than fucking up an award-winning recipe that the best chef in the world gives you because you
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think you're a fucking chef master when you've never cooked a motherfucking thing in your life
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so go fucking listen listen to what it says do it literally the way it says and it will work for you
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i love it man uh well guys andy uh our third and final question um
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andy i'm i'm a 16 year old junior that plays soccer at high school uh my freshman year i was
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weighing in at approximately 180 pounds i'm in five foot eight uh i believe my skill level is above
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average for my high school team however because i'm not super fast and i didn't make varsity
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um so the next year i dropped almost 40 pounds and increased my endurance and speed to be in the top
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half of the team i made varsity as a sophomore but the coach played some freshman over me who i destroyed
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all summer in practices i actually destroyed most of the team all summer coach said he doesn't like my
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attitude uh my attitude is one of wanting to win and succeed i do get mad when other when players are
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a hog in the ball and not aware on the field i've made comments about other players needing to be more
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aware not sure how criticism is a bad attitude um i thought that is how you explain that okay yeah i
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thought i thought uh that is how you help others improve my question is am i wrong uh is it possible to
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change the coach's opinion or is it not worth it uh i was by far the most improved player i love soccer
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and always want to be involved any advice is welcome i can actually take criticism unlike some of these
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weak-ass mama boys i fucking love this kid hey you know all right look all right assuming everything
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you say is true here's why you're not playing okay and i'm gonna this goes for people in the workplace
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this goes for athletes this goes for anybody that is on a team that is not getting the love that they
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think they deserve assuming that you are of the proper skill set which you say you are assuming that
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you are a hard worker which you say you are assuming that you actually are better than the other people
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which you say i'm gonna take you for your word now if i can't watch one of your fucking practices
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i might find out that you're full of shit okay because 16 year olds are typically full of
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shit my first point to you would be to make sure that you are actually those things because our
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egos have a way of telling us that we are better than we actually are so are you really that good or
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do you think you're that good because if your mom's telling you that good that don't mean
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shit if your dad's telling you that good that don't mean shit if you're putting more points
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in the board and everybody else that's what means something all right so be honest are you that
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good that'd be my first thing assuming that you are that good i'm going to tell you why you're not
00:22:17.620
playing you're not playing because your attitude is one that if it spreads to the rest of the team if
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your coach rewards that it will destroy the culture of the team okay so there is something that you're
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doing that is not in line with the proper attitude or the culture of the team that is keeping you from
00:22:36.660
playing because if that attitude that isn't in line with what the team needs is promoted and rewarded
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now the coach loses control over the entire team do you see what i'm saying so a lot of people don't
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understand this this happens in the workplace there's lots of times where the most skilled person
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who sells the most shit who blah blah blah has the best this they get fired because their attitude is i'm
00:23:02.100
the best nothing else should matter when that's not true okay so we have to understand the coach's
00:23:08.500
perspective here and the coach is looking at it like what's the kid's name does he say his name
00:23:12.660
doesn't say his name okay steve i'm gonna just use steve steve is the best player out here man he's
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fucking great he's a sophomore he's got tons of potential but man he's always telling everybody
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else he's hogging the ball he's always telling everybody else they got to get their together you
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know it comes off as cocky it's not the right team attitude and fuck we can't reward that because
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if we reward that then everybody's going to act like that now we got a problem okay so a lot of
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times in fact most times when you are clearly the high skilled player or you're the best salesman or
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you're the best this or that and you're not getting the love that you think it's because your attitude
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is not congruent with what the culture of the team is going to be and if it's rewarded it will dilute the
00:23:55.540
culture of the team yeah all right yeah because you can't win you can't win the game with just you
00:24:00.820
bro no it's not even that dude yes that's true but if i fucking reward that yeah if i'm the coach of
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your team and you're a shitty little fucking attitude fuck but you score 70 goals a game 70 but you
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fucking talk shit to your players and you fucking you tell them they're all ball hogs and you tell them
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give me the ball blah blah blah blah you got to sit on the bench bro i don't give a fuck so your your
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coach is trying to teach you a lesson and here's my advice shut the fuck up play soccer score goals
00:24:33.540
be good shut your mouth work harder than everybody else and you're probably going to play in the games
00:24:38.980
yeah i've had the kids probably put your coach is playing that freshman over you to teach you a
00:24:44.020
fucking lesson in humility and what he's trying to tell you and i'm just telling you what he's trying
00:24:48.500
to tell you is this your performance ain't the only thing that matters and that's true it's true
00:24:54.260
in every organization there's very few times there's very few anomalies where people are so good that they
00:25:01.220
can be a bad culture fit and still get to play barry bonds was like this in baseball barry bonds his
00:25:06.500
teammates fuck fucking hated him okay and i know this because i know people who play with them they
00:25:12.820
fucking hated him but the dude hit a home run every fucking time he's at bat so you can't sit him on
00:25:18.340
the fucking bench yeah you see what i'm saying so are you that good are you scoring 10 goals a game
00:25:24.420
probably not right are you scoring two goals a game probably not right so you ain't that good you
00:25:29.940
ain't good enough to have that attitude and you don't want that attitude anyway because and by the
00:25:33.940
way i'll say this i think this person's heart is in the right place yeah because you sound like you
00:25:39.540
want people to get better you're trying to improve them i totally understand that bro but you need to
00:25:44.500
understand the other side you're not getting the love from the coach because you're you're going to
00:25:48.820
make his job harder if he puts you in the in the spot because of the way that you're talking to other
00:25:54.020
people so this is what i would do i would go to the coach i say coach why aren't you playing me man
00:26:02.260
i'm not going to be mad i just want to know honestly like what is it and i'm not going to pout i'm not
00:26:06.900
going to scream i'm not going to throw a fit just tell me why i'm not playing because i i'm better than
00:26:11.700
this kid i think i'm better if i'm not better tell me why am i not playing he i bet you he's
00:26:17.380
going to say well you say this stuff to the other kids you got this all wrong with your attitude and
00:26:22.660
instead of arguing with them you say i got it and you go do what the fuck he says and you go perform
00:26:29.620
you shut the fuck up and then you become a leader to the other guys and not only will you not get
00:26:34.900
not only will you get in the game he'll fucking put you at the front of the stack yeah so yeah i think
00:26:40.340
i think that's super cool too because like dude it sounds like you know you you know how to see a
00:26:44.740
problem and you go fix it right you you had to work on your endurance you worked on your speed yeah
00:26:48.580
great now we gotta fix this over here dj a lot of times people can't see it from the leader's
00:26:53.460
perspective or the coach's perspective or the boss's perspective they don't even that goes right over
00:26:58.580
their head like there's been a lot of people in my companies over the year who were high performers
00:27:02.980
that got washed out because they could not grasp this concept like you cannot be a bad fit for the team
00:27:09.140
culturally even if you're a great performer individually because that poisons the well
00:27:15.700
and that creates a whole bunch of people that operate autonomously which makes it impossible
00:27:20.900
to get people coordinated to row the right direction right so you make even because you're a high
00:27:26.500
performer and because you know you're better than everyone you start doing things the way that you
00:27:30.900
want to do and that fucks up the entire now i have 40 guys all rowing do whatever the fuck they
00:27:36.340
want you can't win that way boat sitting still that's right so we so a big part of this if you're
00:27:42.580
an employee or a teammate is to consider it from the leadership's perspective if you had a guy who
00:27:48.500
was super talented but a bad cultural fit and it was going to cause you all these problems how would
00:27:53.700
you handle it and if you could just think about it from the opposite perspective it makes a lot more
00:27:58.180
sense so what i would do bro is go talk to your coach be honest don't react don't fucking pout don't
00:28:05.940
fucking roll your eyes because dude that's another thing a lot of times these players and these people
00:28:11.140
will come to you and you tell them the shit and they start rolling now you fucking hate them now
00:28:14.820
you're like you know what fuck you okay and that's what you don't want to cause don't react don't get
00:28:20.180
emotional listen to them take what he's saying seriously and go out and perform and be a good
00:28:27.620
fucking teammate and a good leader you'll get a lot further that way yeah that's real man i do just
00:28:31.620
real quick i remember when i was coaching there there's a player right now who plays for an fl team
00:28:35.380
right now everybody knows his name i've coached him and he had some of these these yeah and uh and i
00:28:42.820
remember this exact conversation and it wasn't you know i didn't tell him this was the head coach
00:28:46.100
man but he told him like so he's like so so you think just because you're that good that none of
00:28:50.580
that other shit matter it was a very similar conversation but he told me like so what are
00:28:53.460
you gonna do you go hike the ball to yourself throw the ball to yourself all this like every
00:28:57.540
nobody else matters like no that's not how that works yeah you know what i'm saying and and you
00:29:01.380
take that advice look where he's at yeah you know what i'm saying i think dude i think that's
00:29:05.220
awesome man i think that's awesome well i love it uh well guys andy that was three all right
00:29:10.580
guys let's go out let's kick some ass let's have a good week see you tomorrow
00:29:16.100
went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze
00:29:19.380
fuck a bowl fucker stole counted millions in the code bad bitch booted swole got her on bank road