917. Q&AF： Too Late At 38？, Motivating People Through Resistance & Feeling Behind
Episode Stats
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181.1603
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Summary
In this episode of the Q&A show, Andy and Af join us to talk about the importance of personal development, mental toughness, and self improvement. They also talk about how to get into the 75 Hard program and how to become a better version of yourself.
Transcript
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what is up guys it's andy for selling this is the show for the realists say goodbye to the lies
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the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we
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have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you can submit your
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questions a couple different ways the first way is guys email your questions in to ask andy at
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andy for seller.com or you go on youtube uh on the q and af episodes and just click the link in the
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bio there and you can fill out a form and call into the show uh talk to us live or you just leave your
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question in the comments and we'll pick some from there as well uh if you're unfamiliar with the
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show this is q and af we have multiple formats of the show uh sometimes we're gonna have cti that's
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cruise the internet that's where we cover the news current events what's going on in the world
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we throw these topics up here on the screen next to us we talk about them speculate and then talk
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about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in the world other times we're gonna have
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real talk real talk is just five to 20 minutes and me giving you some real talk and then sometimes we
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have 75 hard verses that's where someone comes on the show they talk about how they were before 75
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hard how they are now and how they use the 75 hard program to unfuck their lives uh if you're unfamiliar
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with 75 hard is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever and it is the initial
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phase of the live hard program which you can get the entire thing for free at episode 208 this is not
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a fitness program it is a mental toughness training program all right so if you want to fix the
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ultimate problem with yourself which is your ability to do what you say you want to do what you decide
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you want to do if you're being honest you know that's the problem that's what this program fixes
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all right and you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed there's also a book on
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andy frisella.com called the book on mental toughness it encompasses the entire live hard program plus a
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whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness why it's important how to use it to build the life that
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you want and that you know you should be living so uh with that being said uh we ask very simply that
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you help us grow the show if the show makes you think if it makes you laugh it gives you a new
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perspective do us a solid and uh don't be a hoe and share the show all right what's up what's going
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on brother nothing dude what's up with you oh you know it's been a great day just getting shit done
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um i rode a little yamaha for the first time which one uh logan's logan's yeah you got you got that
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bike yeah how is it it's all right it's been one piece still yeah i almost didn't come back yeah
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mm-hmm it's smaller than what you said it is but that thing's fast man oh yeah those like little
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street bikes are different i'm used to the hogs yep yep i know you are anyway yeah them big white
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hogs you like to ride yeah yeah yeah anyway um so people are probably wondering why we're having
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q and af in the middle of the week uh that's because it is time for all of you to start
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participating in the revolution which is the revolution and the rebellion of personal excellence
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we have to understand that if we as humans are going to thrive and even survive at this point we have
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to become everything they don't want us to become they want us to be fat we have to become fit they want
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us to be stupid we have to become intelligent they want us to be dependent we have to become
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independent they want us to hate each other we have to work together these are things that are
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required for humanity to progress and your story your outcome what you do on a daily basis is the
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revolution and you have to understand that we all play a part in that there is no opting out there is
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no oh well i don't have a big following this doesn't have shit to do with your following this
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has to do with the example that you set this has to do with what the people around you observe this
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has to do with what they see so they can know that certain things are possible for them and we as
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humans have an obligation to set that standard and that obligation and that duty has been forgotten
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by a lot of people especially here in america so with that being said we are going to focus
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much more on personal development at least giving you guys a couple shows a week of that uh until we get
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this new podcast launched which is imminent so yeah what okay man dude yeah you got me you know what
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i'm ready to punch through a wall bro oh yeah let's make some people better yeah let's uh you
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know like i said punching holes through drywall we have a kyle cool we're gonna get on the phone
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hello kyle what's up dude oh what's up dj what's going on bro how are you
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i'm all right let me get to an area that's not so damn noisy
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you on the roof yes sir can you hear me okay yeah don't jump don't do it it ain't that bad bro
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how's it going fellas doing good kyle how you doing bro i'm good man good
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i actually got some some rain up here in washington state right now shit dude
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isn't it i think it's isn't it always raining up there
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yeah i usually get probably two weeks in the spring and two weeks in the fall
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it's actually like comfortable weather for me to work the rest is either hot as shit or below 12
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oh no that sounds pleasant yeah you're why you're on the roof yeah
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so that's why you're on the roof yeah all right so what can we help you with brother
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so uh i'm gonna forget what i wrote i imagine i had something to do with changing direction on my
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life though because i'm at that point now at 38
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i've done this for 20 years of my life uh six of those were as an entrepreneur when i was real young
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and stupid lost my business during the recession
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but uh when my wife had her boy uh her kidneys failed so i had to get you know a good job with
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you know awesome health benefits so went to the union refers and been doing that for the last 13
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years and now she's finally got her transplant so we're able to have a little bit more freedom and
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and figure out like what we want to do because in all honesty i am just bored of roofing man
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and uh i got a few things lined up but the problem is it's going to be a pay cut
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and at 38 giving my family the lifestyle you know i'm coaching my boy right now is the last year i get
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to coach him until he goes to high school uh do i just suck it up and keep doing what i'm doing
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giving them the lifestyle they become accustomed to or figure out something else
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and is it too late at 38 to start from somewhere a whole new industry and work my way up
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well look man uh that's that's a lot and i think a lot of people get to be the age that you're at
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and they start to consider these things that you're considering is this really what i want to do is this
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you're it's not too late all right so let's just get that out of the way uh especially with the
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technology that's available today the scale at which someone can enter a business build a business
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and bear fruit with that business is much quicker than it used to be um it's significantly
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quicker than what it was when you were uh you know doing this shit back in 2008 all right so
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the reality of the situation that you have to deal with right now is do i want to take a step back
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to take a step forward for the next 50 and if you think about it like that it's the answer is very
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obvious okay and a lot of people ruin their lives because they don't want to take a step back
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when they have to to move forward and the reality of success is that at points in time along our journey
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we have to take steps back and sometimes that looks like for an entrepreneur that would look like
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not getting paid for a year or two i've gone through a number of phases like that my entrepreneurial
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journey where i don't get paid from the companies in order to let that money work for me in other ways
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for you know an employee for someone else that might look like you know downsizing your car downsizing
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your apartment downsizing your house you know um but i think it's important dude to think about this
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in a scale of decades not in a scale of the immediate discomfort that it might cause you or your
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family um let's be real bro material shit as cool as it is house car lifestyle it's really not that
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important and once you've experienced any of it it's not it's not a huge deal uh being satisfied with
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where you are what you do what you accomplish and fulfilled with what you do with your life is far
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more important than taking a step back financially for a few years while you figure something out
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now with that all being said it's very important that you know where you're going to go from here
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and don't just say hey i'm going to jump off this cliff because i don't want to fucking do this thing
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anymore uh and then not know what to do because that will that will end up in a place that's not very
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good so um my advice bro is like if you were my brother and i was saying hey kyle look man uh
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you fucking hate what you do okay you don't like it you're over it you've already done it do you think
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you could do it for another 30 years what's your answer no okay physically i mean well no you can't
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bro mentally or physically let's say you could do it physically for another 30 years you know what
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you're gonna think at the end of 30 years fuck i could have done so much other shit you know what
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i'm saying and like bro you i can hear it in your voice bro you're this path for you is exhausted
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it's going to require you to make some changes but at the end of the day brother you know
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i think you already know what you need to do yeah i just the issue is i spent 20 years
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becoming a master at what i do right and that's you know roofing construction uh-huh whatever right
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uh all my other skill sets like i'm i'm good with computers i got great discipline work ethic all
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that that's that's all well and good but i have no other marketable skills besides what i put on my
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resume for the last 20 years i can't go into a different industry just say i'm disciplined i got
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grit and fortitude but in spades is there not how do i market that's where it's not you know half of
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what i it depends on what you're trying to do what do you what do you want to do what are your when you
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said you had other things to do what were they well i got one option at uh long shorman and five six
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years coming to captain of boat and the other is pretty much entrepreneurship that's really my only
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other options you don't think that you've learned enough skill about construction and roofing to
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do your own thing as an entrepreneur in that in that lane oh yeah i just got to find the money to do it
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well i mean bro that's everybody's problem right everybody's problem is they got to find the money to
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do it like you're gonna have to back the fuck up off your financial obligations and reinvest and start
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small that's that's what it takes dude listen at the end of the day here's what it is you can either
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continue you can continue to do what you do you already said you don't like it you already said
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you're tired of it okay yeah you can go be a longshoreman like you said that sounds pretty cool i think
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that'd be fun but i bet if you did that for five six years you're gonna say i don't like this either
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okay it sounds cool because it's new and at the end of the day you've already started a business
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it failed that doesn't mean that you're a bad entrepreneur most entrepreneurs go through
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failure after failure after failure but you got to understand that that comes with a different level
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of anxiety stress um you know it's just a different life man and i can't tell you what life
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you're going to be the happiest to live but what i can tell you is that if you're thinking what you're
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thinking now in two years it's going to be worse in four years it's going to be worse in eight years
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it's going to be worse and you're going to have to decide and make a decision brother and then just
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stick with it because at your age you know this is probably we're getting to the point where you know
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just talking real you probably only got one chance to redo your life at this age so it's not like
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you're going to have another one at 60 you know what i mean um and that's where i'm at yeah absolutely
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yeah so it's important that you think you know decades ahead bro where what do you want to say about
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your life when you are 60 what do you want to say when you're 70 do you want to say i spent my
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whole life doing roofing even though i hated it or do you want to say i had the balls to change
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something up and i did whatever the fuck it takes to work i can tell you this dude if you're not all in
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on making whatever decision that you want to make from here work no matter what you shouldn't make any
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moves because you'll end up flat on your face but you already said you have discipline grit this that
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the other you know you ask how to market that i mean marketing that comes from your own
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displaying of results of what you've already created so i mean bro i i don't i can't tell you
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what to do with your life but i can tell you that if you continue down the same path that you're on
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you're going to have regrets and most people don't want that
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oh you're absolutely right and yeah you you're right earlier i do know what i need to do yeah bro i
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know you do you're you're not you you already do know it's just it's uncomfortable and you got to
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realize bro that most people will fucking stay in that uncomfortable situation their entire lives
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and then fucking just eat the regret later and say oh i had a good life and dude if we're being real
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that's bitch shit that's bitch ass shit that's pussy shit okay you're not a you're you haven't
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you got to have the courage to be look man if you don't have the courage to become what it is you
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want to do or become what it is you want to become it's going to be you that has to fucking go in the
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hole with the regret so it's all about what you want to deal with for me you know i i don't want to
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have to fucking wonder if i went hard i don't want to have to wonder if i had courage i don't want to
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have to wonder if i was just being afraid and for me when i start to feel like i need to make a move
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or make a decision or move forward i just fucking do it because the minute i start thinking about it
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i know about myself it's just going to grow and grow and grow and grow and grow until it gets so
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uncomfortable that i have to move anyway so bro i i understand where you're at and i understand your
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hesitancy because real consequences ride on it and and that's okay dude you could say hey i want to
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stay in this another year and then i'm going to do this i'm going to wait until my son gets out of high
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school and then i'm going to do this but i just don't want you to go for another 30 years bro and be
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like fuck i wish i had done something different that's all i'm saying well i appreciate it man thank you
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guys yeah i mean what do you think bro no i mean you said it it's exactly what i got to do i mean
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i'm going to regret it either way i spent my life my entire working career working my balls off and
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being uncomfortable as it is so i'm either uncomfortable doing this or uncomfortable
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making a change for the better there you go easy bro and on top of it man like those skills that
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you learned are valuable skills they're going to be more valuable the next three or four years
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anyway because so much technology is going to replace these pencil pusher jobs you know there's
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an opportunity for you right now to move into as a roofing entrepreneur and innovate the roofing space
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i mean right now like right now is the perfect time for it there's going to be new technology there's
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going to be new equipment there's going to be new ways to do things and these older guys they're not
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going to adjust they're going to say just like everything that happens you know we don't need
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cars because we got horses and that's going to be that's going to be a major opportunity in
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construction people who start construction companies or start uh blue collar tradesmen jobs who are
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willing to innovate and build businesses off of the technology available are going to beat these older
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guys who you know we dude look i grew up around construction too we all know the kind of guys that do it
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they're like this hey that's not how we used to do it we did it like this and that's how we're going
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to do it and we're going to do it like that until fucking the wheels fall off they're not very open
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to to evolution and if you can be you know that's where you're that's where your lane is you know the
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shit you you you are already keeping up with technology you said you're good with computers
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pour yourself a little bit more into that start thinking about how you can innovate the roofing business
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marketplace and and work towards something like that dude like that way you can look back and say
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well you know i i i didn't waste my life i went to school for 20 years for this that makes me a
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fucking expert you know so dude i personally see lots of options for you i just think you gotta you've
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gotta push past that playing the middle right like the the playing of the middle the uncertainty
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that's what exhausts people that's what wears people out and um you know you you've just got
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to decide hey this is my plan this is what i'm going to do and you got to go do it if you if you
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yes i do guys i can't i can't thank you enough i appreciate all your time and what you do for
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everybody so well look man you're going through a natural part of life and i think you got a great
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opportunity in front of you it's just about making that commitment going and making it work
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so thank you again man i appreciate it brother all right see you kyle thanks bro brother
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all right see you did something i was thinking about during that that conversation and and you
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pointed this out to me years ago but just on the the idea of just being a little uncomfortable
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it actually helps propel you forward it keeps that drive alive almost right man you can't win
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without it yeah you can't win without it this is something that people have to understand
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move forward because you don't have an option all right when you're when you're broke and you don't
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have shit going on for you you have to eat you got to pay your bills so you have to go do things
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when you get in a situation like kyle's in where he's making a decent living he's working hard he's
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getting paid he's taking care of his family that allows him a certain level of comfort which makes
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it harder to make the decision all right so the pressure i call it zero options mentality
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is required to succeed and a lot of people they will say well if this doesn't work then i'll do
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this well if that doesn't work then i'll do this and they make all these contingencies and because
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they have these contingencies they don't go all in on the initial plan which is what's required for
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it to work and the real trick is that whenever you start to become successful and you start to build
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some you know means you can afford dinner and a decent car and a nice house and you're not starving
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that's where it becomes extremely important for you to leverage inside of your own mind the idea
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that you don't have any other choice but to do it and that may require you fabricating a story or
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taking extra responsibility for the people that work for you right like i know that i'm not
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legitimately responsible for everybody's life but the story i tell myself so that i get out of bed and
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go hard is that if i don't get out of bed and go hard these motherfuckers are going to starve
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and so that's that i'm that's not acceptable to me so that's a zero option mentality that i'm developing
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you see what i'm saying absolutely and so in the beginning it's easy because you actually have
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zero options but where you where kyle is you know that now you have options so it's like really hard
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to fucking move and it's especially hard when you've worked so hard to have stability to take a
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little bit of that off the table to move forward on what you actually want to do and sometimes for
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some people the right move is to stay right where the fuck you are because you're not going to fully
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commit to anything else so that's why it's such a hard question for me to answer for him because
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i'm not him yeah you know what i'm saying if i were him knowing how i am i would absolutely do what i
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said i would stay in it and while i'm in it i would fucking start fabricating a plan around how we're
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going to innovate the roofing business something i know a lot of everything about i'm a master like in
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his words how are we going to do this with technology how are we going to do this with
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with the changes that are coming what's the roofing industry going to look like in five years how can i
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get there before everybody else and that's where i'm working if i'm him yeah absolutely come down on
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the fucking gas station taquitos yeah start saving up some bro a little goes a long way you know it's
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like what fucking ramsey says you know fucking no no starbies yeah that's right you know what i'm saying
00:24:38.900
right so i mean dude you know a lot of people tease dave ramsey but like dave ramsey is it gives a lot
00:24:46.640
of really good practical advice for people to free up their income and their debt to be free at
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something later and i actually agree with them i think most people live beyond their means they get
00:25:00.880
caught up in this fucking bullshit rat race they have way more shit than they actually need to be happy
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it's short-lived and it puts them in a financial bind that that enslaves them for their entire life
00:25:13.620
and the truth of the matter is is like the good shit that you really want that requires passing on
00:25:19.420
the fucking jordans that requires passing on the on the you know the five series beamer or whatever
00:25:25.900
the fuck you're trying to flex in front of your neighbors with like dave ramsey's selling a 15 million
00:25:31.460
dollar fucking mansion in nashville right now it's badass but he didn't get there by you know uh
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stretching himself thin up until that point right so you have to understand like you know you can have
00:25:44.460
these little luxuries but these little luxuries that you're stretching to have keep the big life
00:25:49.400
that you want from happening yeah and there's a lot of truth to that yeah there's a fine line of like
00:25:54.580
being able to tread right now once you get enough offense going and you're fucking just
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you're you know you're printing that's a different thing right but like when you're first start getting
00:26:03.920
started you're trying to work out of where kyle is that's required it's it's what it is and a lot of
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people will fucking trap themselves their whole life because their ego won't allow them to take a
00:26:14.740
couple steps back they don't want to be seen driving a used car they don't want to downsize their house
00:26:19.820
because they're afraid of what their fucking friends will say you know i'm saying you shouldn't be
00:26:23.740
worried about that you should be thinking about what they're going to say when you roll up in your
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fucking brand new fucking roles yeah right because you innovated the roofing business right that's
00:26:32.940
real shit man yeah that's real i love it man well guys let's get question number two going uh we have
00:26:38.300
a write-in um question number two uh good morning andy and dj a little background on myself i'm a 47
00:26:46.720
year old mom wife veteran deputy rancher and all-time follower of your content i'm on my fourth 75
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heart and seek mental toughness and control on the daily my question for your expertise knowing your
00:27:03.860
mindset and experience um i have adult sons um and other friends and family that i know for a fact
00:27:12.380
need 75 hard in their life one son struggles with weight and has attempted 75 hard two times
00:27:18.800
but when failing makes excuses to get back on board uh i find myself having a zero empathetic
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attitude towards the people that refuse to do the work to help themselves how do you help and support
00:27:32.360
people that you care for when you know what they need to do to help themselves but they refuse to do
00:27:37.480
it i find myself biting my tongue in so many conversations to basically save my relationship
00:27:42.960
with them but it stresses me out because i want to just be real with them and i'm sure i would not
00:27:49.040
come across the right way i would appreciate your thoughts on this um in hopes that you have ideas
00:27:53.280
on how to approach it have a kick-ass day uh here i'll solve it to you in three words tell the truth
00:27:59.740
if the fucker's fat tell me he's fucking fat when i was 350 pounds none of my friends told me i was fat
00:28:06.520
and you know what i wish they had i had to listen to the internet tell me fat and when the internet
00:28:11.580
was telling me i was fat i was like fuck i guess i'm fat and i lost 100 motherfucking pounds okay so
00:28:16.940
my answer to you is probably not the answer that you would like it's probably not the socially accepted
00:28:21.620
answer but i would bully the fuck out of them until they stopped putting food in their fucking mouth
00:28:26.220
and get off their fat ass and started fucking working if you really care about them if you really
00:28:31.240
care about them okay here's the thing they're never going to do it by you just saying oh i really
00:28:39.480
would like to see you do that that is not enough pressure it's not enough pressure they have to feel
00:28:45.560
like shit about themselves they have to look in the mirror and say fuck i'm a fat fucking lazy slob
00:28:53.060
and however you can facilitate them learning to uh observe that on their own the quicker they
00:29:01.160
will change and that's just reality and people don't like that they say it's mean they say it
00:29:05.820
might be mean but you know what's meaner than that allowing someone to be a fat piece of shit
00:29:11.140
who fucking won't do the work who constantly complains about being fat and unhealthy and doesn't you know
00:29:17.860
know what to do um but you say you love and careful yeah that you say you love and care for but you
00:29:23.580
keep you keep you know babying them and and you know like i don't hurt their feelings it's not you
00:29:29.940
don't have to i'm just telling you how i would do it i'm not saying how you need to do it but that's
00:29:34.920
how i would do it i'll make fun of them yeah until they fucking stopped i mean how much weight are you
00:29:39.720
down i'm down 45 pounds yeah and it's because i call you a fat fuck every single day it's part of
00:29:45.360
it so do these guys yeah well it's mainly if my dad does it a lot actually listen dude if you really
00:29:51.460
care about people you tell them the truth otherwise it's fake care you care about yourself
00:29:55.020
okay if you don't want to offend people with the truth it's because you lack the courage or the care
00:30:01.480
that you claim to have to actually deliver the truth in a meaningful way i have zero empathy for
00:30:08.860
people like that as well and the reason that i have zero empathy for people like that as well is
00:30:13.700
because i have conquered that problem for myself and i realize that if i can conquer that problem for
00:30:19.120
myself so can anybody so i totally agree with you and i think you're putting too much weight into being
00:30:27.740
quote unquote nice or whatever you think that is but i i just see things different bro i see
00:30:37.460
i see kindness and niceness pretty much different than what everybody else sees it as like i see kindness
00:30:45.240
and niceness as the truth i think if you actually care about someone you will tell them the truth
00:30:49.980
i i think if you actually want someone to be happy and you know what they need to change you will tell
00:30:56.040
them the truth and i think people that don't are full of shit yeah i think too like it's also important
00:31:04.040
to to make like to continue to be that example for them oh yeah i mean that's that's you know what i'm
00:31:09.580
saying yeah because i mean that's a big say it was his kids uh it's her sons yeah how old are they
00:31:13.660
uh it didn't say she's she's 47 so they're probably 20 yeah somewhere in there yeah so uh
00:31:19.360
yeah they're old enough to fucking they can take it here's the reality too they should realize like
00:31:25.980
look dude if you're overweight in a significant way your life experience is completely different than
00:31:33.760
what it would be if you were in shit completely different so people who are fit people who are
00:31:39.020
healthy people who take care of themselves send a message to everybody in every situation whether
00:31:45.760
it be the people they work for whether it be their potential mates in a relationship whether it be their
00:31:51.920
friend group anybody their kids they are sending a completely different message which brings back a
00:31:59.100
completely different quality of life and when i was 350 pounds i would have argued that and i did argue
00:32:05.520
that i said hey you know what i'm a great entrepreneur you know how much better i got
00:32:10.440
when i lost 100 fucking pounds you know how much more money i made you know how much more opportunity i
00:32:15.900
got like it's not comparable and uh if you want the best for your sons you should probably explain to
00:32:24.120
them like things that are going to matter to them you know like hey um
00:32:29.260
do you like girls it's very simple i'm being serious that's real do you like girls yeah i like
00:32:36.760
girls well do you know why you're not getting any because you can't see your own dick okay and like
00:32:42.640
that's the truth yeah listen if you're fat you're going to have a limited selection of women unless
00:32:48.520
you are insanely hilarious like shane gillis that's real okay that's real uh but you're
00:32:54.960
no no girls want to when they're that age they don't or any age they don't want to fucking
00:33:01.640
i know there's chubby chasers and shit but like i'm just saying in general your your opportunities
00:33:07.240
are going to be limited in every in every area yeah or during the winter time when it's colder out
00:33:11.900
they need a little bit more warmth yeah maybe yeah i mean that's something that i told myself when i
00:33:16.360
was fat yeah it's real man you know it's real i just don't think
00:33:21.740
you know i think if someone had sat down and explained it to me when i was 20 years old and
00:33:30.400
said if you don't get in shape you're not going to make money and you're not going to meet girls
00:33:34.560
i would take it serious because that's what i cared about at 20 yeah you know what i mean
00:33:39.180
just tied to something they actually care about yeah that's real man you know what i wanted to ask
00:33:43.740
you this because i feel like a common thing out there too but also remember 75 hard isn't for
00:33:48.340
fucking fitness it's a fucking mental transformation program so also you should be explaining to them
00:33:55.160
in a very real way that if you don't learn how to follow through on your plans you're never going
00:34:02.700
to be successful in anything and that's what that program fucking solves it solves the problem of
00:34:07.680
adherence and when people can't adhere to any plan they can't be successful in anything so we have to
00:34:13.700
build our discipline and our toughness and our grit and our fortitude everything that contributes
00:34:20.080
to our ability to follow through on the plans that we set forth for ourselves in order for us to have
00:34:26.360
a fulfilling successful life if you can't adhere to very simple things such as i'm not going to put
00:34:34.760
x in my fucking mouth and i'm going to get off the couch and walk for an hour like if you can't
00:34:41.800
do these things you can't you don't have you can't do anything you understand absolutely man you
00:34:49.020
can't do anything so you have to fix the problem of adherence before you start saying oh i'm going
00:34:54.960
to do this or i'm going to do that or i'm going to do this or i'm going to do a shit because you
00:34:59.020
can't even control what goes in your fucking mouth you know you know what i'm saying like a lot
00:35:03.860
of people are like oh well that this program's better for what there's not a better program in the
00:35:08.440
world to teach fucking discipline that's why there's billions of fucking hashtags all over
00:35:13.660
the goddamn internet i love it man well i just get tired of it i love it yeah i mean bro do your kids
00:35:20.480
want to be fat or do they not do your kids want to be broke or do they not do your kids want to
00:35:26.580
fucking get pussy or do they not i'm sure they want to say yes to all of those things whether your mom
00:35:33.600
tells you probably not you know that's probably not what they want to hear yeah hey boys you want
00:35:39.960
what bro it's the truth it's the truth people don't like the truth you just say it like this
00:35:48.800
no i'm gonna say it like i say it fucking be miserable or fucking fix it i love it man
00:35:54.980
it either you either are you aren't it is or it isn't they're either doing it or they're not doing
00:36:01.760
it like that's it and i don't know like how to soft hand feed somebody the truth to where it's
00:36:10.720
going to affect them in a way like have you ever has anybody ever fucking ever ever ever i want
00:36:16.140
everybody to fucking think about it have you ever had a polite conversation with someone and then they
00:36:20.360
completely fucking change their behavior do you have you ever seen a football coach walk on the
00:36:25.500
fucking field with a bunch of grown men and saying hey guys i'd really appreciate it if you went out
00:36:31.200
there and you execute the play and i really appreciate that you did it perfectly and if you
00:36:35.460
ever seen a coach that does it like that win okay so the truth of the matter is is this is what people
00:36:43.340
respond to people respond to confrontation they respond to directness they respond to truth
00:36:50.360
and they respond to it in a when you present it in a way like hey man i fucking care about you
00:36:57.160
but you're a turd okay and you need to fucking fix it and that's what i've found works the best
00:37:04.660
whether it be in a team or whether it be as an individual i've never had a team and i've never had
00:37:09.520
an individual as much as they've cried about sometimes the way that the message is delivered
00:37:15.000
i've never had someone respond properly to i really would like to see you
00:37:21.220
be a little more healthy i've never seen it no there's a there's a reason that when you go to
00:37:29.040
fucking boot camp they say get your fucking ass on that motherfucking spot right now and it's because
00:37:35.440
most people are so fucking pussy and so soft that they that's the only thing they can fucking respond to
00:37:42.440
is the the fear that something might actually happen to them if they don't yeah yeah that's
00:37:48.860
real well i think too it's like you know ultimately man you can't want it more than somebody else wants
00:37:53.600
yeah that's it for themselves yeah that comes in time you know um
00:37:57.700
you gotta want it man yeah well i mean bring your fucking kids up here i'll fucking tell them the truth
00:38:04.680
i'm just be real most y'all parents no offense to this lady that wrote this in but most y'all parents
00:38:11.000
the reason your kids suck is because you suck you won't have real conversations with them you
00:38:15.700
won't hold the line you don't live a life that that that you think they should live and then you
00:38:20.440
expect them to just magically sprout into these amazing individuals it's not going to fucking happen
00:38:25.340
bro so it's real man that's real let's get call number uh two question number three let's knock this
00:38:38.800
hello this is john hey john what's going on man dj what's going on buddy i can't call it just another
00:38:49.220
day you know just a squirrel trying to find a nut what's going on with you oh just checking boxes man
00:38:55.360
working away yeah where you calling from uh north idaho north idaho we got we got all right we got
00:39:02.180
washington now we got idaho all right i don't go to lane all right that's sick man yep yeah
00:39:09.200
well we got the big dog here how can we help oh boy andy how you doing i'm doing good brother how are
00:39:18.100
you good man good good i got one for you today i uh something that i maybe i should give you a little
00:39:26.940
backstory on uh four years in business um and uh doing construction excavation work stuff like that
00:39:35.120
and uh you know you see guys come and go new businesses then you see guys that end up you know
00:39:42.320
sticking around and uh you get a little competitive with them seeing them you know scoring jobs or landing
00:39:48.780
jobs you've bid on or wanted and you know whether it pisses you off and fuels the fire a little bit i
00:39:54.140
always thought that was normal but um a buddy of mine started doing the same thing and at first i
00:40:00.620
was kind of helping them out and you know teaching them tricks to trade and whatnot and uh i found
00:40:07.040
myself getting you know starting to get annoyed when he was landing jobs um because it seems like
00:40:13.040
you know everyone and his mother knows everybody that's looking for the kind of work we do
00:40:17.360
and uh it started kind of making me feel like shit am i am i a piece of shit for thinking this
00:40:23.900
way or you know is it okay to think this way should i just use it to be more competitive and try harder or
00:40:30.740
you know i'm kind of just don't know what to do with it you mean negative feelings
00:40:36.980
yeah you know or just you know he'll get a you know all my my uncle's buddies building five houses
00:40:44.240
and he's got all this work for me and i'm just like motherfucker are you kidding me so this this
00:40:49.220
was your best friend that started the same business as you you helped him and now got it yep
00:41:04.300
it honestly it feels like it just comes down that he just knows more people um well you know i feel
00:41:13.860
like i go out grinding and knocking doors and calling dropping off flyers and then he'll call me
00:41:19.080
up and be like oh yeah my uncle's brother's got got this property for me to do all this work on and
00:41:23.940
then it's just like well all the time well first of all is it true is what he's saying true
00:41:32.000
second of all uh well it doesn't matter but i mean these are questions that you should ask yourself
00:41:39.160
one okay is he full of shit okay because i have a lot of people that that you know and by the way
00:41:46.560
a lot of you know their names because they happen to be pretty famous on the internet who tell me all
00:41:51.820
kinds of shit they're doing uh and and they're usually full of shit and it never materializes
00:41:57.260
and i never see it and uh you know we're doing this so we're doing that and we got this this and
00:42:02.600
this and this and this valuation and that and then nothing ever changes in their life so that's a natural
00:42:08.460
thing amongst people who want to be competitive is that people will flat out lie to you and make you
00:42:13.520
feel like shit um secondly if it is true why is it true well you answered the question it seems like
00:42:24.120
he knows more people than me so if that's the problem then what you have is an awareness problem
00:42:32.300
you need more people to know who the fuck you are so what are you going to do to make that happen
00:42:37.680
how are you going to solve that problem because if it's just as simple as more people know him or he
00:42:44.080
knows more people then you have you know exactly what it's going to take to get business you you i
00:42:49.740
mean assuming that's what it is okay uh i don't know if that's what it is i don't know i don't know if
00:42:58.300
if he's actually having more work i don't know if he's full of shit i don't know if the real
00:43:07.120
problem is is that he knows more people but i think deep down you probably know exactly why
00:43:14.880
he's doing more than you and i think you need to be honest with yourself about what that is and then
00:43:20.640
address that problem because if i was blessed enough to be able to recognize where i was
00:43:27.760
failing then i would put my attention into that area so that that would get my business on the level
00:43:35.680
of where i would want it to be but at the same time like your goal what is your goal your goal
00:43:42.360
isn't to like outdo this guy right like that's not that's not a real goal or your real goal should
00:43:50.920
be your goal and your goal should be so fucking big that you're consumed with how well you have to
00:43:58.640
execute to achieve that goal all right and like i say all the time there's so many people that waste
00:44:06.400
their time and their energy when our time and our energy are our most valuable resource we only get
00:44:12.120
limited amounts of it every single day on a 24-hour period all right and if we spend it watching you
00:44:19.100
know steve's business and steve's business we fucking is doing all these things and we're getting
00:44:25.960
jealous and we're getting that feeling in our stomach where everything's on fire and this and that
00:44:30.880
uh we don't have the energy to work on our own shit and what i do to handle these things is i make sure
00:44:40.880
that i have a massive plan that i need to work on and then i make sure that when i do get competitive
00:44:50.140
or i do get jealous or i do start to get aggravated at other people's shit that the minute i feel that
00:44:58.040
coming on i go to my plan and start executing on my plan and i think that productivity pivot is one of
00:45:06.180
the most valuable things anybody can learn how to do because one we're no longer looking over here
00:45:13.900
we're focused on our own thing number two i don't care what anybody says the most valuable
00:45:21.300
energy that we get is the dark side negative energy so i would say the fact that you're getting pissed
00:45:28.720
off is pretty good i think that's a great asset i would much rather work with someone who felt that
00:45:35.760
way than someone who just like oh well you know fuck steve's steve's doing it and i'm just happy for
00:45:41.740
them i would much rather work for the guy who says i'm gonna fucking stomp on steve's motherfucking
00:45:47.220
throat with how successful i'm gonna be those people win yeah and the the the reason that those
00:45:54.320
people win is because eventually they figure out how to harness the attention and the the energy and
00:45:59.000
the attention the right way so you know don't think that i don't think there's anything wrong with
00:46:03.940
you bro like if you and i were partners i'd be like fuck yeah bro i love the john fucking john's got
00:46:09.860
that fire in him bro i love that shit dude like that not many people have that dog bro and when
00:46:15.700
you have it you got to figure out how to use it because you will hear people say things like this
00:46:21.100
well that negativity will burn you down if you're not careful says the guy with no money in his bank
00:46:27.280
account all right the yeah the reality is dude is being a competitor is part of being successful
00:46:34.140
in business and you're obviously a competitor because right or wrong it bothers you when other
00:46:40.020
people win there's this famous saying in the movie no country for old men where uh is it no country no
00:46:49.240
it's there will be blood the movie there will be blood he says uh he said you ever seen that movie
00:46:54.920
oh yeah okay you know at the part there's a part in the movie where uh uh the main character uh daniel
00:47:01.640
uh day lewis goes it's not just that i want to win i want everybody else to fucking lose i don't want
00:47:09.260
anybody to have anything and like bro that's the extreme nature of a competitor and while they may not
00:47:15.780
mean that literally like i really don't want people to starve but you know i want to fucking win bro
00:47:23.200
like i'm trying to fucking win and yeah that's the mindset yeah bro that's a healthy way to think
00:47:29.440
when you're in business and other people depend on you i mean that's a great way to be and these other
00:47:34.540
fucking people on the internet writing all this feel good you know fucking bullshit gets our minds
00:47:43.440
fucked up like we're competitors that's what we're supposed to do you don't fucking talk to a gladiator
00:47:48.680
right before he's going out into the fucking uh arena and say hey i hope you have a peaceful
00:47:53.660
journey my son like no you're gonna be like hey motherfucker you better swing that axe as hard as
00:47:58.080
you fucking can and cut that dude's fucking head off like are you gonna die yeah you know what i'm
00:48:02.220
saying like literally yeah like this is just something that most people aren't cut out for
00:48:07.140
which is why the most of the advice out here is so fucking off from what it should be so anyway to
00:48:13.920
summarize my little rant here bro one i think it's awesome that you're that you burn hot number two
00:48:19.760
all you got to do is harness that into your own shit it doesn't matter if your buddy's doing it for
00:48:24.800
real or not but just remember he's probably lying or exaggerating at least half as much and for me i
00:48:31.640
have to i have to yeah yeah bro i have to remember that because dj knows this i'll get so fucking pissed
00:48:38.880
off dude that like and then i have to remind myself well they're probably lying at least half
00:48:44.260
of it's lying so you know take that energy pour it into your mission create your mission that's so
00:48:52.400
big so fucking powerful that it's going to take your whole entire life to do it and you won't have
00:48:57.820
time to worry about what the fuck that's doing and the pro the thing you got to be careful of right
00:49:02.180
here is that you want to make sure that you don't become beholden to this guy's limits by continuing
00:49:09.000
to compete with this guy who doesn't really have a big plan a lot of people will really fuck up their
00:49:14.760
lives by competing with the wrong person because the wrong person isn't committed to like a big vision
00:49:21.800
so like you know like is it really a win beating someone who's really not got that big of a thing going
00:49:29.520
that's not really a win so you know let's get clear about about what's a win for john what's john
00:49:36.880
trying to do and then focus on those things and then when you get when you get jealous and you get
00:49:42.560
mad and you get angry like we all do anybody who says they don't they're liars uh take that energy
00:49:48.340
and focus it on your plan bro and and before you know it you'll be so far ahead of everybody else who
00:49:54.600
used to piss you off you'll forget that they used to piss you off because a whole new group
00:49:59.500
of people will piss you off yeah it's the truth like i used to get mad at like local people that
00:50:06.500
would do stuff right and then it would be like national people and now like i look at fucking
00:50:11.060
people that i honestly shouldn't be looking at at this point and i'm like fuck that guy yeah right
00:50:15.340
right you know like but why are you still on the phone when i ask you this yeah how should he be
00:50:19.860
handling his best friend like i mean does does he keep it cordial with them yeah i mean look bro i'd make
00:50:24.620
fun of them i'm like oh yeah fucking five houses all right yeah i know you got all the connections
00:50:30.240
bro okay donald trump you know like i'd fucking make fun of them but like you know yeah dude i got
00:50:36.960
friends that are full of shit we all got friends that are full of shit part part of being friends
00:50:42.820
with people is how good a full of shit they are like do they tell a good story like can they make
00:50:47.540
you laugh are they good people like the dude fish fish stories you know like they they cut the
00:50:54.180
biggest one yeah bro it's it's fucking it's as old as time like you're not gonna you're not gonna
00:50:59.600
change people's you know like i i like people like that i like people that are a little full of shit
00:51:05.380
they got funny stories you know you can't really take them too serious you know and then when they
00:51:10.280
start exaggerating their shit you know you got to call them on it and i think that's what makes
00:51:13.860
good friendships yeah you know yeah so yeah that's true that's good shit man yeah and bro also
00:51:20.580
i think there's more to that too like a real winner like a real fucking winner they want to be friends
00:51:26.560
with other people that are winning even though it pisses you off right people will say i want all my
00:51:30.920
other friends to win yeah you do but not because you want them to win it's because you've learned
00:51:36.200
about yourself that when other motherfuckers win that are in your vicinity you are so competitive
00:51:41.980
that you know you will fucking step up to compete with that person so like my friends good to have
00:51:47.600
those my friends the people i associate with are all successful people but do not think for a
00:51:54.120
fucking second that i'm not trying to fucking beat them you know what i'm saying like it's and they
00:52:00.120
know that and i know that about them it's understood yeah it's understood but they're also the same
00:52:05.180
people that if i called and i said hey man um i need to fucking borrow you know money because i'm
00:52:13.040
low on cash they'd all be like all right how much you need you know what i mean right yeah so you know
00:52:18.840
it's it's just about learning where you fit in the game and how to navigate these different personalities
00:52:24.600
and then you know most importantly how to harness our own fire in the right direction and uh bro i don't
00:52:31.180
think you're a bad guy for thinking that i think you know i think you're an honest guy for thinking
00:52:35.340
that and i think there's very few honest people that will communicate what you just did here on
00:52:41.000
the show and what i did back to you but i know for a fucking fact all the names all the people that
00:52:48.340
you look up to and maybe watch on social media they're all the same they just don't say it on the
00:52:53.500
internet they're all competitive they all want to win they all fucking hate when other people win
00:52:59.200
and then they they act nice about it right like it's bullshit fuck yeah like i will straight up
00:53:06.280
tell them like i'll be like hey i'm gonna fucking beat you bro like i'm gonna beat your ass and
00:53:10.760
they'll be like oh you think so like yeah i really do and then we'll smoke a cigar right you don't say
00:53:15.820
like so yeah it's all good bro you know the best friends you're ever gonna have are the people you
00:53:20.880
compete with that's the truth the best friends in the world that i've developed over the course of
00:53:26.080
25 years in business are people that i've people that i've competed with because there's a natural
00:53:31.920
fucking respect that you have that's mutual you know what i mean yeah yeah that's good i haven't
00:53:39.180
thought of that before that's awesome yeah so how old are you bro uh just turned 32 oh bro yeah
00:53:45.540
i didn't figure most of this shit out till i was like after 40 so like you're way ahead bro you're
00:53:51.320
doing good thank you yeah love it man all right john hey man get a little uh get a little swimming
00:53:59.380
at lake for us up there it's a beautiful spot you're at i will absolutely all right brother well
00:54:05.300
hey man uh keep the fire going dude that that'll take you places take you a lot further well it'll
00:54:13.560
take you a lot further than having inner peace yeah crystals and shop i'm gonna learn how to use that
00:54:18.040
dark energy you've been talking about i think it's i think it's 80 percent of most of the successful
00:54:23.700
people's energy is dark energy they just don't fucking admit it so that's my experience from being
00:54:31.780
around people behind the scenes love it man yeah i heard it from the first time from your your show
00:54:39.300
a couple years ago yeah talking about it it was badass i've listened to it a few times well
00:54:44.520
that means you're one of us so uh so yeah yeah and and if you're fucked up so am i so we can be
00:54:51.380
fucked up together so that's what it takes yeah that's right all right brother well hey man i
00:54:57.260
appreciate you calling in dude and uh appreciate all the good work you're doing up there and the
00:55:01.040
hard work you're doing keep it up you know we need that in the world we will absolutely thank you
00:55:06.220
all right brother we'll talk to you soon all right see ya see you dj see you brother
00:55:10.720
yeah i just wanted to ask that that friend question man because i feel like some people
00:55:15.500
like well all right well fuck that guy i won't ever talk to him again nah but to your point like
00:55:19.240
you can use that person not only that why would i not want to talk to him if he's giving me all
00:55:23.780
kinds of good energy to use sometimes you got to piss yourself off on purpose fuck man yeah like bro
00:55:30.720
when you're really good like there's stories about michael jordan doing this yeah michael jordan when
00:55:35.960
michael jordan was at the peak of his career nobody was talking shit on jordan nobody was coming
00:55:40.640
out saying bro i'm gonna hold jordan to fucking eight points it's not fucking happening bro so
00:55:45.460
because everybody talks shit and everybody respect him so much he started telling himself stories he
00:55:50.880
fucking would make up stories about what people said about him and then go out on the court and look
00:55:56.100
at the motherfucker in the eye and be like i fucking heard what you said about me and the guy's like
00:56:00.640
what michael yeah and he's like i fucking heard it i saw in the paper i read it like there's nothing
00:56:06.620
in the paper you know like but this is the psychotic nature of ultra competitors bro like you have to
00:56:13.160
figure out how to flip the switches on in internally to get the result that you want and sometimes that
00:56:21.060
requires a fucking paranoia imagination like where you're making shit up like man these motherfuckers
00:56:28.120
they all think they can fucking come take my shit and like you know i might go talk to them and
00:56:31.920
they're like fuck dude i never even thought about that like i was actually gonna quit my business you
00:56:37.360
know like dude like you just it's just part of being competitive bro so like we have to fucking
00:56:43.220
understand that you know that that is that's part of it dude you know sometimes you got it goes back
00:56:50.580
to what we're saying about zero options sometimes you you have to manufacture that intensity and that
00:56:56.840
urgency and that competitiveness especially when you're dominant like when you're beating the fuck
00:57:02.800
out of everybody and everybody knows it now you got to make something up to prove you know what i mean
00:57:07.920
but what i said is the truth bro there's never been a fucking there's never this polite niceness
00:57:16.280
and courtesy shit that everybody types on the internet that doesn't win it's impractical advice it's
00:57:23.560
written by people who've never won it's idealistic it sounds good listen dj nice i'm just telling you
00:57:29.240
it's it's written by people who have never won and the only motherfuckers who have ever won doing it
00:57:35.740
are these therapists who promise this idealistic bullshit and purposefully victimize people and
00:57:42.680
keep them trapped in their little business cycle that's the only motherfuckers that win with idealism
00:57:47.400
everybody else wins with reality they win with like hey uh you either do that or you're gonna lose
00:57:53.420
all your shit i mean bro i was just writing this fucking instagram post uh a day or two ago
00:58:01.140
i haven't posted yet but the truth of the matter is most people aren't afraid enough of losing
00:58:07.300
most people haven't taken the time to consider what their life will look like if they don't change it
00:58:15.400
and if they could zoom into the future 10 20 30 years from now and like just live one day
00:58:22.520
in the life of what their current habits are creating they would change instantly they would
00:58:29.240
change fucking yesterday but because they can't feel it and because they can't notice it and because
00:58:35.840
it's progressive and slow and imperceptible people just ride it out not realizing that it's going to
00:58:43.260
cost them fucking everything down the road okay people should be terrified of losing you if you are if
00:58:50.100
you don't have anything going for you right now you should be fucking terrified it is not just going
00:58:57.020
to work out it is not this magic fucking fairy is not going to fly down and hand you an inheritance
00:59:03.680
or get you your shit together like you should be afraid and enough and people aren't they're told
00:59:10.840
every day it's going to be okay no it's not it's not going to be okay unless you make it okay and that's
00:59:16.700
what the world needs to understand that's what people need to understand and if the if people
00:59:20.720
were properly afraid of what their life was going to look like by continuing on the path they're on
00:59:26.060
then they would do something about it today and that's my point of that question too with the two
00:59:31.880
uh the two sons if they knew what their life was going to look like at 25 at 30 at 35 at 40 at 45
00:59:40.080
because they're unwilling to change now versus what their life could look like they would fucking
00:59:46.660
change but you know who's going to tell them mom's not going to tell them because she doesn't want to
00:59:52.720
hurt their fucking feelings you know what sometimes people need their fucking feelings hurt that's the
00:59:58.340
reality that's real man guys that's a little midweek pickup right there man yeah i love it man go get
01:00:05.620
better yeah all right guys don't be a hoe show the show
01:00:10.760
went from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove counted millions in
01:00:18.180
the cold bad bitch booted slow got her on bank road can't fold doesn't know headshot case closed