Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1359 ｜ After a Hysterectomy and Hormones, Jesus Saved Her from Transgenderism ｜ Haley Furst

00:00:00.360 Haley first spent years of her young adult life identifying as a man.

00:00:04.280 She even gained a million and a half followers on TikTok talking about transgenderism and

00:00:09.600 all kinds of left-wing issues.

00:00:11.480 After being raised a Christian, she was sucked into a social media algorithm that told her

00:00:16.280 that she could only be fulfilled if she transitioned.

00:00:19.520 But Jesus saved her out of that darkness about a year ago, and now she is here sharing her

00:00:25.080 testimony and everything God has done in her life.

00:00:27.740 You are going to be so encouraged by her story.

00:00:30.300 So without further ado, here's our friend Haley.

00:00:42.320 Haley, thanks so much for taking the time to join us.

00:00:45.540 I first saw your videos on Instagram and you talked about once identifying as a man, I

00:00:52.320 think from ages 18 to 22, you had this big following on TikTok.

00:00:56.560 so first talk about that because you're sitting in front of me this beautiful woman how in the

00:01:02.240 world did you decide that you wanted to identify as a man yeah absolutely i think you know so much

00:01:08.340 of it people think was this like situation in my childhood where i always knew i was a man but i

00:01:14.680 actually wasn't you know that wasn't my circumstances i actually never had these

00:01:20.500 episodes as a child where i was you know seen trying to wear boys clothes or play with the

00:01:25.000 other boys is actually was like quite the girly girl growing up and about at the ages of 13 or

00:01:31.420 14 like I started to really watch a lot of YouTube videos and like the pocket of YouTube and the

00:01:38.520 pocket of social media that I had found myself in was the LGBTQ side of YouTube and of Instagram

00:01:45.640 and it started out really innocently of just watching these creators making fun videos that

00:01:51.200 like happened to be gay or bisexual but a lot of these videos just kind of tumbled into um videos

00:02:00.440 about people talking about why they transitioned um from from being cisgender to transgender and

00:02:07.340 and people's you know how many days on testosterone and all of that and what a lot of these people

00:02:13.360 talked about in their in their videos is feeling like lonely or feeling uncomfortable and that

00:02:21.760 like that they when they would speak about loneliness or they would speak about a hurt

00:02:27.340 inside of them that was then made whole from transitioning I really identified with that and

00:02:32.900 it was something that I I related to in the way that I was like you know I always feel kind of

00:02:38.340 uncomfortable in situations and I feel like there's something different about me that I'm not

00:02:43.060 quite sure what it is and so that was something that I would watch in secret because I was going

00:02:48.980 to youth group because I was involved in the church because I went to a private Christian

00:02:52.840 school this is something I was watching secretly and watching a lot of in secret is no one really

00:02:57.480 knew what I was observing on the internet and so that was something that I would watch in secret

00:03:03.920 and it was almost becoming something that I secretly supported that I would go to church

00:03:08.500 i would go to school and lgbtq started to become a really popular topic that it was quite a pressing

00:03:15.780 social issue that a lot of people were talking about in christian spaces and i would to people's

00:03:20.440 face say oh you know like i agree with what the bible says i agree with um what people have taught

00:03:27.220 me that you know god's design for marriage is best and that god has a design for marriage and then i 0.99

00:03:33.520 would go home and watch these LGBTQ YouTubers and be like, all these Christians don't know what 0.61

00:03:39.060 they're talking about, that this is people living their truth. And it wasn't until I was 16 years 0.69

00:03:45.800 old and I had ended up in a public school where I was trying to witness to the people around me

00:03:51.000 and trying to be the light in those spaces, the only Christian, really the only outspokenly

00:03:56.420 Christian at my entire high school and I had become friends with people who were in really

00:04:03.920 unfortunate situations where they were maybe doing drugs or they were constantly out and I

00:04:10.020 you know had felt that I was supposed to be friends with these people that I could be a

00:04:14.400 little piece of Jesus in their lives. Unfortunately one night what that looked like is that I had

00:04:20.120 gone to hang out with a friend of mine who didn't know Jesus who was um starting to do drugs and I

00:04:28.180 had ended up at this house with her where she had invited some older men that I didn't know um and

00:04:35.060 she started drinking a lot she was smoking and could no longer drive me home she was my ride home

00:04:41.080 um and said you know one of these guys can drive you home and so I was driven home uh supposed to 0.98

00:04:47.460 be driven home by one of those men and he ended up not taking me home but sexually assaulted me

00:04:51.620 that night um and because of that you know I really sank into myself and I told no one

00:04:57.260 I wouldn't even pray about it I wouldn't talk to anyone about it this is something that I decided

00:05:03.020 that night that I would put deep down in myself and tell no one but it resulted in me becoming

00:05:08.260 really uncomfortable um with myself with my body and so you know I started to dress in a way that

00:05:14.800 I felt protected me, that I never wanted a man to look at me and see something feminine

00:05:19.980 to take. I wanted to protect myself by hiding my femininity in a way. And so because I told

00:05:28.840 no one, because I randomly just started to show up in these spaces, I cut my hair short.

00:05:35.180 I started to wear very, what would be called men's clothing. Like I started to dress androgynous.

00:05:42.980 what people saw in my school and in my friendship circle was someone who randomly started seemingly

00:05:50.520 presenting as a boy. And so I would have teachers take me aside and say, you know, what pronouns do

00:05:57.940 you want me to use? You know, we support you. I had never once said anything about wanting to

00:06:03.260 identify as a boy, but they would take me aside and say, hey, we see what's happening here.

00:06:09.040 and what pronouns would you like us to use what name would you like us to use

00:06:12.800 and so I kind of saw in that a um almost like a gateway to to end up at a place that would

00:06:23.380 make me feel better that would soothe this this hurt this trauma that happened to me

00:06:28.520 and I saw that you know these youtubers these creators that I would watch so much of their

00:06:34.560 videos that you know they all had something in their past that was hard and this seemed to work

00:06:39.580 for them and people are telling me hey this is what seems to be happening in your life and it

00:06:44.920 was almost told so much to me and I in took so much of that media that I started to believe it

00:06:51.140 for myself and I started to believe you know well dip my toes maybe I'll tell people that I'm

00:06:56.940 non-binary and that I use they them pronouns and maybe I'll start to dip my toes and maybe that

00:07:02.300 will make me feel more comfortable. And I was really, really welcomed in when I started to do

00:07:07.740 that. I had began to have more friends. I was a part of an LGBTQ club in my high school. And for

00:07:14.760 the first time in my life, I started to feel like I had an identity that I could cling to that would

00:07:21.480 open doors, open doors to friendship, open doors to making me feel like I had community. And so I

00:07:27.520 really went full force into that and I had ended up coming out to my parents when I was 17 years

00:07:32.500 old and I had told them I'm going to identify as a man I want to take hormones and I want to go by

00:07:39.080 a different name and you need to respect me and you need to as my parents change and call me that

00:07:47.140 um you know and there were moments where I would run away from home if they wouldn't call me by

00:07:52.640 the correct name and the correct pronouns. So in a way, you know, something that I've struggled

00:07:59.380 with is in a way, I really almost guilted my parents into supporting that. And as soon as I

00:08:06.480 left home, that's when I started taking hormones and fully going online, presenting and living

00:08:12.300 as a transgender person.

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00:09:17.880 I'm curious a little bit about your parents. You know, you said that you were raised in a

00:09:21.580 Christian home. You were a part of youth group. You were a part of church. You were almost kind

00:09:25.480 of living a double life. But at that point, it was online. You were just affirming what these

00:09:31.000 LGBTQ creators were saying, while also affirming what your Christian friends were saying,

00:09:36.140 is there a reason why you switched from Christian school to public school? Did your parents know

00:09:41.980 that you were having like a change of heart? What went along or what was going on right there?

00:09:49.300 Yeah, absolutely. So the switch from going to a Christian school to going to a public school

00:09:53.260 actually really had nothing to do with how I was presenting or what I was consuming or even my own

00:09:58.980 beliefs it was just a family matter that happened but with some of my parents were really excited

00:10:04.800 about they said you know what an opportunity to evangelize of like you will probably be the only

00:10:10.060 christian kid at your school and i was and it really did start out that way of like when i

00:10:15.000 began in that high school i was every evening when youth group was happening that night i was able to

00:10:21.700 invite four or five new kids from my high school to come out to church that night while consuming

00:10:27.400 these things um and while being friends with um a lot of people who were trans identifying at that

00:10:33.640 high school and it really really honestly did start out from a place of well maybe I can play

00:10:40.160 both fields and maybe that's a good thing of maybe if I am supportive of LGBTQ while being a Christian

00:10:45.760 maybe that will result in a lot of salvations that if I say I'm okay with this and I go to church

00:10:51.480 that that will show people that God will have you as you are and I'll be able to impact these

00:10:58.740 people's lives that way. Yeah. I hear so many stories that are similar to yours that have to

00:11:05.060 do with sexual assault and a woman kind of wanting to run away from her female body because of that.

00:11:11.660 Did your parents know that you were assaulted? I didn't tell my parents about the assault until

00:11:16.940 I was 21 years old. And they were the first person I told is the first person, the first time that I

00:11:24.920 told anyone about what had happened to me was when I was 21 years old. And that man actually lived

00:11:30.420 in the same neighborhood as me. And I would drive past his house every single day on the way to

00:11:35.260 school. And I told no one. Wow. Another aspect of your story that I've heard time and again is

00:11:42.400 that the affirmation, which you weren't necessarily expecting or asking for at the

00:11:48.260 time from teachers starting to ask things like, you know, what can we call you? What are your

00:11:53.740 pronouns? That I'm sure probably started conditioning you to think, wow, this is kind

00:11:59.700 of making me feel cared for and seen and special. And maybe this is the direction you want to go

00:12:04.960 paired with kind of the already thought that you had previously before any of this had happened

00:12:10.800 that, oh, these people who are transitioning, they're able to find themselves and make themselves

00:12:16.020 whole. Well, now you're in this broken place and you have people saying, hey, if you want this new 0.98

00:12:21.540 identity, we will give you a new identity. And that was probably really enticing in the moment.

00:12:28.720 Yeah, absolutely. I think so much of it was the church that I was attending, it was really far

00:12:33.820 away. And so it was hard to be fully into community. And we had switched churches a few times

00:12:39.880 and i think that i kind of felt the tension as a young teenage girl that so many do where you know

00:12:47.120 i was just trying in the middle of trying to find out where i fit and i think that right at the time

00:12:53.740 that i had started to believe you know i i don't have the same interests as the girls at church i

00:12:59.820 don't seem to look like them um i don't seem to like we go to different schools i think maybe i

00:13:07.840 don't fit in here. And right when I started to feel that hurt is right when those teachers

00:13:13.200 started to kind of affirm that, that, hey, like, do you want to join this LGBTQ club? Like,

00:13:19.240 there's a space for you here. And so I think that, unfortunately, I really believed alive that,

00:13:25.280 you know, that the church maybe wasn't the space for me, and that this is where

00:13:30.240 I could find my identity, that this is where I could find my community.

00:13:34.460 mm-hmm and when you told your parents when you were 17 that you were going to identify as a boy

00:13:40.320 how did they respond you know it was kind of one conversation I had had with my dad and then it

00:13:51.360 wasn't really spoken about for a long time one evening I had come across a YouTube video called

00:13:58.540 the science of being transgender. And I had known that my parents did not support LGBTQ identity,

00:14:04.940 that they believed in biblical truth and biological truth. And I knew that if I wanted to identify

00:14:11.100 this way, that it would have to be a sort of slow warm up to letting them know that.

00:14:18.940 And so I would slowly, slowly, you know, send them articles about why as a Christian,

00:14:25.920 you should support LGBTQ marriage or, you know, studies about, you know, it's actually best if

00:14:31.720 you transition people if they're identifying this way. And so one evening I had sent my dad a video

00:14:36.040 titled The Science of Being Transgender. And he replied to that video and said,

00:14:41.760 do you identify as trans? And I did not reply. And then moments later, I had sent a large text

00:14:49.440 about, yes, this is the name I go by. This is what I'm going to do. This is how I identify.

00:14:54.600 and he came to my bedroom and knocked on the door and said you know you're still my kid and I love

00:15:01.520 you and good night and then it wasn't really a conversation again for four or five months and

00:15:08.900 it it wasn't until I started to you know I would go online and say like you know I came out to my

00:15:17.380 parents and they still won't call me by the correct name and pronouns and you know of course

00:15:21.440 the assurance was well you need to stand up for yourself and you need to let your parents know

00:15:26.060 that they can either have an alive son or a dead daughter and you need to let them know that that's

00:15:31.180 the options and so that's what I did after four or five months I would start not responding to them

00:15:36.340 unless they would call me by the correct name I would start lashing out at them if they wouldn't

00:15:40.660 use the correct pronouns and it actually really started to cause a division in my family and it

00:15:45.420 was a really big problem and it was actually a really hard time at that time my mom was actually

00:15:49.440 going through cancer treatments. My parents were facing trouble in their business. And on top of

00:15:54.340 that, they had a child that wouldn't speak to them anymore. Yeah. Wow. So that was when you

00:16:00.540 were 17. You talked about even running away at times. Tell me about the actual transition

00:16:07.400 starting to really be as much as you could try a man. Yeah, absolutely. So

00:16:17.680 you know I was living with my parents obviously when I was 17 years old when I was a child

00:16:23.840 and you know when they first started to say you know what like okay we'll call you with male

00:16:32.260 pronouns we will call you by the name that you were trying to go by because it was really the

00:16:38.240 only way to create some sort of peace in our house but they had let me know like while you

00:16:44.460 live here we will not let you take hormones that you will not be allowed um there was a law in my

00:16:51.820 province in canada that a parent had to sign off on their child going on hormones um if that child

00:17:02.380 was underage thankfully um i really really do thank like the lawmakers in my province that

00:17:10.780 actually put those laws in place because only a year before we had had a government that had

00:17:17.320 laws in place where a child could transition without their parents permission and so at the

00:17:22.900 time that I wanted to start medically transitioning I did live with my parents and the law at the time

00:17:27.340 was overturned and they did have to sign off on my transition and thankfully they said we were

00:17:32.000 absolutely not doing that that you would have to wait until you till you're an adult because once

00:17:37.360 you're an adult, we can't really, we can't really stop you. But we need you to know that we don't

00:17:41.580 approve of this. And so as soon as I turned 18, I moved out with an older boyfriend that I had at

00:17:48.240 the time. And as soon as I moved out, that's when I started to medically transition that I met with

00:17:55.080 a few psychologists, I said two or three things, and they signed off and gave me a prescription

00:18:01.340 for male hormones. And I started taking those that day. Wow. Um, so you were just 18 years old

00:18:08.040 and I'm guessing that your boyfriend was supportive of all of this. At this point,

00:18:13.720 you had a lot of friends who identified as LGBTQ as well. And I'm sure they were all

00:18:19.060 encouraging you in this direction. Yeah, absolutely. Even at the time where I was

00:18:24.780 living with my parents and I was an underage child, I had plenty of friends that their parents

00:18:30.180 actually volunteered in running the LGBTQ alliance in our city. And so, you know, I had

00:18:37.920 plenty of friends. I had a friend as young as 14 that their parent not only signed off on them

00:18:44.280 taking these hormones, but really almost encouraged it. And I had looked at that and been so envious

00:18:51.440 and thought, you know, if only I had been born into a family that would support this. I'm envious

00:18:56.340 of my friends that their parents allow this. So I would look at that. And when I would,

00:19:01.480 you know, have these moments where I would run away from my house, I would go and I would stay

00:19:05.460 with those friends. And those friends' parents would, you know, say really horrible things about

00:19:11.860 my parents. And they would say, you know, look what our family has done for our transgender child.

00:19:16.860 And we would never stop them from being how they were really made to be. And so that really 0.99

00:19:23.800 affirmed it further that you know at that point everyone around me who identified as lgbtq

00:19:30.860 had not only pinned my parents as an enemy in my life but had pinned my christian upbringing

00:19:37.560 as a roadblock and an enemy in my life which was that was very difficult that was difficult i was

00:19:43.520 even told at times by my friends that were trans identifying or lgbtq identifying that i was a bad

00:19:49.600 person because I still spoke to people in my life that were Christians.

00:19:59.080 Okay, y'all, there is a very short list of universities that I would recommend to you,

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00:20:35.200 and what happens when leaders fail morally and spiritually. This is the kind of stuff that they

00:20:39.720 teach at Hillsdale. You don't have to be 20 years old to learn from them. You can sign up right now.

00:20:44.880 Just go to hillsdale.edu slash relatable. Pick from any of these 40 free courses, hillsdale.edu

00:20:50.880 slash relatable. And did you ever come across online or among your friends or whatever, like

00:21:01.180 what you would deem anti-trans content or Christian content that like made you angry

00:21:09.060 or how did you begin to react to things like that during this time?

00:21:13.800 Absolutely. Absolutely. No, I came across a lot of that. I, you know, my sort of look into LGBTQ

00:21:22.800 life was at the time where the Westboro Baptist Church was being put under spotlight. And even

00:21:29.660 though I went to a church that was nothing like that, a church that, you know, welcomed with open

00:21:36.500 arms anyone who wanted to learn about jesus um i i had almost consumed so much content i would

00:21:42.780 watch videos reacting to the westboro baptist church or i prank called the westboro baptist

00:21:49.200 church and i had watched so much of it and i had heard people speak of it so much that i had almost

00:21:55.120 start to associate my christian experience with an experience like that so even though no one in

00:22:01.800 my life had ever even really talked about lgbtq very much and the things they said you know they

00:22:08.240 were biblical truth where you know god has a design for marriage but they never spoke poorly

00:22:12.420 or hatefully towards lgbtq people but because i consumed that comment that because i consumed

00:22:17.960 that content it was almost like i had projected those extremist beliefs onto what i was actually

00:22:26.200 seen about christians and so i almost justified the beginning of the hatred towards christians 0.99

00:22:33.100 in my life because i would just say they're all like that they are all hateful towards lgbtq people

00:22:40.200 where they'll call them hurtful things or they'll spell on them or they'll abuse them they're all 0.51

00:22:46.180 so intensely against me christians are against me is i it's an interesting thing um consuming

00:22:55.160 so much social media that can sway you in such a way because it's almost like I self-indoctrinated,

00:23:03.400 which is kind of embarrassing. But it's an unfortunate reality that we see this actually

00:23:09.680 happening a lot. So tell me about going on testosterone and that process. At first,

00:23:17.760 did it make you feel good it was actually really scary um you know at the time I was doing

00:23:25.140 injections with needles and I would get really scared before I would not want to do it um I

00:23:31.900 remember at the time you know I still had a lot of like feminine traits in my face actually really

00:23:38.700 liked those um it wasn't so much that I wanted to look more like a boy I think I just wanted to be

00:23:44.460 called a boy. And I was frustrated that people would see me. And even though I had short hair

00:23:50.720 and would wear men's clothing because of my facial features and because of my voice,

00:23:54.880 they would assume I was a woman. And so, you know, I was like, well, I just don't want to

00:24:00.160 be called that. And so I'm going to take these hormones so that I can look more like a boy.

00:24:06.580 And I would go on and off these hormones over the next three years. I would start them and stop them

00:24:11.660 and start them and stop them. Because as soon as I started to see those results, I would almost get

00:24:17.180 scared. I would, you know, as soon as it almost started to show, that's when I would get scared

00:24:24.540 and want to stop them. But then I would start them again, as soon as people would look at me

00:24:29.620 and continue to call me a woman and continue to refer to myself as she. At one point,

00:24:37.900 taking testosterone gave me such bad acne that my face it literally hurt to talk because I had so

00:24:46.460 much cystic acne at the time and I'd never struggled with acne before and then you know it

00:24:53.480 the change was so quick that it was causing me physical pain and not only that but my voice

00:24:59.760 lowering so quickly um I I didn't know this but it causes your vocal cords to actually thicken 0.93

00:25:07.360 and a woman's throat is actually just not built for that it's not built to have such thick vocal

00:25:14.640 cords um that it was giving me pain and i had constant throat pain um and that's still a pain

00:25:20.940 i actually still feel to this day that um after long times of speaking it's actually like really

00:25:25.860 hard on my throat um so yeah it was on again off again and it was almost like the want from these

00:25:35.420 results of this testosterone, as soon as I would get them, I would just stop and not want them

00:25:42.020 anymore until I wanted them again. So I would go on and off this hormones for like three years.

00:25:49.100 And during this time, was this when you were building your platform on TikTok?

00:25:53.780 Yeah, this would have been at the time that I was building my platform on TikTok. And I would,

00:25:58.460 you know, I would get really happy when I would post videos and people say, you know,

00:26:02.600 i've been following you for a year and you look totally different now like you look so good um

00:26:07.640 and so i got a lot of um i don't know i got a lot of comfort in people telling me you know you are

00:26:14.600 starting to look more like a man um i never really would post videos exclusively about you know this

00:26:22.000 is what's like to take hormones but i would make a lot of videos about my experience coming out

00:26:26.540 and coming out to a christian family and um a lot of people would identify with that and we

00:26:34.780 would have discussions like in comments and everything um about how much you know it was

00:26:42.840 like viewing it as an us versus them of like you know this is what we believe and this is what we're

00:26:48.960 trying to come out of and this is where our christian family members our christian community

00:26:54.100 or a Christian town is fighting against us

00:26:57.860 and we need to band together as a community

00:27:00.440 to encourage each other, to empower each other

00:27:04.960 and kind of fight against that oppressive Christian belief,

00:27:08.600 that oppressive Christian belief that we have.

00:27:12.760 Yeah, so it was interesting. 0.99

00:27:14.840 When things would start to get hard with taking that hormones

00:27:18.180 of my face having like a lot of painful acne,

00:27:22.540 I remember one time I actually posted one video about it I posted a video saying like one thing

00:27:28.440 they don't tell you about taking testosterone you're going to get such bad acne that it will

00:27:32.860 physically hurt to talk and that video actually got so much hate that I had to take it down

00:27:38.140 where people are saying this is dangerous because you're you're swaying people against taking

00:27:43.540 hormones like you're going to cause people to like this is going to inadvertently cause people

00:27:49.340 to take their lives because these hormones save lives. And so you really need to take this down

00:27:53.800 because this is going to harm your own community. So I did. Yeah. So it's like in that community,

00:27:59.940 you're not even allowed to talk about the very real consequences, even though you weren't

00:28:05.400 anti, you were just saying, Hey, this is something that I've gone through, but your real life

00:28:10.360 experience was not an okay thing to share according to them. And you weren't just sharing

00:28:16.720 about transgenderism and hormones you also during this time got really passionate about other

00:28:21.400 progressive causes you would talk about things like abortion and things like that can you talk

00:28:26.620 a little bit more about just like the total worldview change and why you also decided to

00:28:32.360 kind of take up these other causes as well absolutely i think like i think so much of it

00:28:40.480 so much of that story actually just has to do with safe internet use of you know like i really

00:28:46.480 was raised by parents who of course didn't grow up in an internet generation that didn't know

00:28:52.880 what it looked like to have devices in the home and they really did a good job um when I was

00:28:59.280 younger protecting us if we didn't really have computers in the home we weren't allowed to have

00:29:04.300 personal cell phones and of course once I came to the age where I could sign my own cell phone bill

00:29:09.200 where I had a part-time job where I could go out and purchase a phone um and I started to have that

00:29:15.500 unrestricted access to the internet of you don't really realize how quickly you can fall in from

00:29:24.160 i am a youtuber happening to make a video i'm a boy making a video with my boyfriend

00:29:30.940 and somehow that goes all the way into i was consuming videos about anarcho-communism

00:29:38.040 and i would listen to these podcasts about you know what the u.s government says about

00:29:44.740 russia about china actually isn't real and that china actually really loves their government and

00:29:51.640 you're being brainwashed as americans as canadians and it you know it really is it boggles my mind

00:30:02.600 to look back that that's actually where that started that it started so innocently as me

00:30:09.820 watching these youtubers that i enjoyed that would talk about lgbtq topics that it fell fully

00:30:16.860 down into i was looking at anarcho-communist content and really not only just consuming it

00:30:24.100 but regurgitating it back to a massive audience um so it really boggles my mind of how quick

00:30:33.520 that slope can be of how much political ideology is tied alongside what can seem so internet

00:30:42.980 sorry what can seem so innocent of these videos on the internet of people who just want to show

00:30:52.040 them making their outfit for a drag performance but it really did start with that before it

00:30:59.000 tumbled down into me believing these things because I was told you know this was in 2020

00:31:05.900 where I was told to not speak about these things and to not speak out was to cause harm that it

00:31:13.040 actually wasn't an option that I couldn't even it wasn't enough to just make the content that I was

00:31:17.520 making but I had to use my platform to speak out for these issues that um a lot of people on the

00:31:27.360 very left-leaning side cared about at the time. Next sponsor is Good Ranchers. We have been eating

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00:32:21.280 That's goodranchers.com slash Allie. Gosh, you had one and a half million followers on TikTok and

00:32:31.880 you can see your profile or one of your profiles. One of them might be Instagram or YouTube or

00:32:38.460 something, but it says he, they 18 BLM. And so you were just, as you said, you felt like you 0.73

00:32:45.400 were obligated to take up all of these causes because that is something that you hear a lot

00:32:50.940 in progressivism that all, you know, trans liberation is also black liberation. That's

00:32:56.140 why on the pride flag, you have the black and the brown. They're all seen as like these 0.99

00:33:00.780 interconnected things. And you have to be a soldier for all of these causes, including

00:33:05.980 anarcho-communism. And of course, what we know from all of those movements is that they induce

00:33:11.660 a lot of anger and a lot of angst and a lot of frustration. They don't actually bring the peace

00:33:16.760 that they promise. Um, and it sounds like eventually you kind of wore that out. Like

00:33:22.760 you kind of realized, okay, this is not giving me the fulfillment that I thought that it was going

00:33:28.620 to. So talk about that. Talk about realizing I haven't been going the right direction and,

00:33:35.860 oh yeah, this Jesus guy might've had something to say. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I had been

00:33:44.680 creating videos online at one point even doing it as a full-time job and I had gotten to this place

00:33:52.000 where you know I thought I was just living the life where I had this um boyfriend at the time

00:33:58.600 that you know we were because I was identifying as a man we would actually present our relationship

00:34:05.000 as you know this is two men in a gay relationship and so I would show that online and I would live

00:34:12.520 with him and make these videos all day. And, you know, it really started when I had discovered

00:34:20.120 his secret alcohol use. And that relationship came to an end because of that, because there

00:34:25.980 would be episodes where there would be drinking and driving involved. And I said, you know,

00:34:30.260 I need to exit this relationship. But because, you know, our lives were so intertwined,

00:34:35.700 and because he was older than me, and because I relied on him for so much,

00:34:39.560 as I exited that relationship I started you know I had a huge life change and during that time you

00:34:46.900 know I couldn't post as much because I was going through moving out and and going through the thing

00:34:53.960 that going through the hurt and the change of leaving a five-year relationship where or sorry

00:35:01.020 not a five-year relationship thank god but you know it was like a three-year-long relationship

00:35:05.840 and going through the herd that I couldn't post as much and you know TikTok is very much at the

00:35:12.660 time it was very much you had to post every single day and so the views started to go down which meant

00:35:18.140 that I wasn't getting as much money from sponsorships and it made me depressed and I was

00:35:24.380 sad and so I kind of stopped posting on the whole I decided I wanted to get a regular job

00:35:30.800 um and honestly I think that I really struggled to to get a job because I really held fast to

00:35:39.300 the beliefs that there were a large list of companies that I could not work for because

00:35:44.280 they were not outwardly supportive of LGBTQ so I decided to get a job at Starbucks and I started

00:35:50.820 just as a barista and I started working there and I was really at the period of my life where I would

00:35:56.620 go to work and then I would come home and I would just sleep. And then in the evenings, I would go

00:36:01.640 to these heavy metal punk shows that were about trans liberation. And so my life was really just

00:36:10.300 depressed and sleeping or work or at these insane shows. And I had made friends at my work that were

00:36:18.600 also LGBTQ identifying people or just people that liked going to these type of shows or liked the

00:36:24.580 sort of party lifestyle. And so as I would work with them, we became friends. And one of these

00:36:32.520 girls that I had been friends with at Starbucks, she starts asking me about Christianity and asking

00:36:39.320 me what I believe about Christianity, because she had said a friend of hers randomly gave their life

00:36:44.300 to Jesus. And she was curious about it. And she was curious to know about it. And so I remembered

00:36:49.980 as she was telling me those things, you know, what do you believe about Christianity? What do

00:36:54.500 You think of our friends that gave her life to Jesus.

00:36:57.320 One night I actually called her on the phone and I warned her.

00:37:01.800 I said, you know, I grew up in the faith and I know about Christians and they're actually 1.00

00:37:06.300 these very like hateful people and you have to be so careful because they'll say all the

00:37:10.820 right things and it sounds really great, but it's actually like very hateful movement that

00:37:14.720 you have to be really careful because you'll fall into it and then you'll start to believe

00:37:20.500 all these things that are, you know, hateful towards not only LGBTQ people, but black and

00:37:28.360 brown people. And I just would really hate to see you fall down like that. I would really hate to 0.93

00:37:34.980 see you become that. So just be really careful. And I gave her that strict warning. And about a

00:37:41.120 week later, she started to come to work and just being totally different. She had this unique joy

00:37:48.940 that I had never not only never seen in her but I had never really seen in anyone else she just

00:37:55.300 had this unique approach where she just spoke to everyone with so much love and she approached

00:38:00.580 every day with such positivity and I remember one day I was speaking to her and I had said

00:38:06.280 something blah blah blah oh my god and she stopped me and she said don't say that do not use the

00:38:12.820 Lord's name in vain I said whether are you a Christian now and she was like yes and so and so

00:38:20.180 I was like what happened this is terrible and I you know had gotten angry about it because I was

00:38:27.080 like oh this is terrible one of my friends fell into this and then another one of my co-workers

00:38:32.380 started talking about Christianity and he said you know I went to this Christian camp where I

00:38:37.920 worked at over the summer and the things they say are really interesting and I remember one

00:38:42.560 evening when we were working together, he started to read the Bible to me. He said, you know,

00:38:47.600 there's this one thing in here that's really interesting. Can I read it to you? And what he

00:38:52.620 had actually read to me was Romans 8. And he had gotten to Romans 8, 38, and something in my heart

00:39:00.920 clicked where I had remembered that scripture from my youth. I remembered memorizing it in

00:39:08.000 Sunday school, memorizing it again in my Christian school as part of a Bible curriculum and hearing

00:39:14.860 it in sermons and also having it spoken over me. And even though I had not thought about that verse

00:39:21.140 in so many years, I could recite it perfectly back to him. And as he read it, I read it alongside him

00:39:27.080 and it just made me start to think. I was looking at the way that Jesus was reflected in the lives

00:39:34.040 of the people around me. And I started to wonder if that was what I needed. And slowly I became

00:39:41.360 very sure that that was what I was needing, that I could no longer try to find happiness

00:39:47.760 in followers or in even a political movement or a community, that I knew that it was deeper than

00:39:56.180 that, that it wasn't just about community, it was actually about the state of my soul.

00:40:01.080 And so I knew at that point that Jesus was the answer, but I had told myself that there was no way I could ever be a Christian because I'm a leftist, because I'm transgender, and I'm not letting go of those things.

00:40:15.220 And so I can't give my life to Jesus because Christians are conservative straight people, and I am not that, and I will never be that.

00:40:24.000 And so I mulled that over for a long time, and it made me feel very angry.

00:40:28.940 I had so much anger in my heart because I was jealous I looked at my friend that had given

00:40:36.680 her life to Jesus so easily that she could just easily take on that title of Christian that she

00:40:42.040 could easily bear Christ's title and she just got to do that and I said I want to follow Jesus I

00:40:49.900 want that for my life I want to do that I want to be made new I want to be found in Christ but I

00:40:56.700 don't get to do that because I'm transgender um and I would just think about that over the next

00:41:03.880 month and I remember one day it just peaked where I was alone in my room and I was mad and I was

00:41:10.120 thinking to myself well what what would I even do to accept Jesus like how would I what would that

00:41:16.060 even look like to follow Christ and I had remembered from my childhood of you know when

00:41:21.920 people accept Christ into their heart they just pray for it and so I said to myself you know I

00:41:27.900 don't know if this will do anything and I bet Jesus wouldn't even really like me and so I just

00:41:33.760 prayed and I prayed the prayer I said you know like Christ if you would still have me I want you

00:41:41.700 come make your home in my heart and right in that moment the presence of God fell so heavy in that

00:41:49.200 room that I physically could not stand up that I kept trying to get up and I would just fall on my

00:41:55.440 knees and I just began to weep and it was this weeping in a moment of almost mourning a life

00:42:01.940 spent apart from Jesus because the feeling of Christ entering my heart and the experience of

00:42:09.040 of his love in that moment just a touch of his love made me mourn all the years I had spent apart

00:42:17.400 from that. And I knew in that moment that I can never spend one day of my life apart from that

00:42:23.920 ever again. And so I decided to follow Jesus that day. And I had texted that friend that first came

00:42:32.220 to work completely different. And I said, let's get tacos and talk about Jesus. And so we did a

00:42:37.740 few days later, we just discussed, you know, giving our lives to Jesus and what life was

00:42:42.860 going to look like walking in faith. And she sat me down and she asked me, does this mean you're

00:42:47.080 going to de-transition? And I said, no, never. And that was the conversation at the time.

00:42:53.880 Wow. Okay. So tell me what then happened from there, because obviously God did change your

00:42:59.820 heart in so many ways, but specifically on that, you wanted to hold on to that identity forever,

00:43:05.340 but eventually he made your grip loosen. Yeah, absolutely. When I decided to follow

00:43:14.360 Jesus that day I knew that I needed to be plugged into a local church and I was like Christians go 0.95

00:43:18.460 to church that's what I need to do but I was afraid to step into a church um because I had

00:43:23.720 only taken hormones for about a year because I kind of still looked a little bit androgynous at

00:43:29.180 the time I was scared to step into a church because I was like everyone's gonna know this

00:43:34.360 about me so I went and I cut my hair and actually went and I saw my doctor to get back onto hormones

00:43:41.360 because I thought to myself, you know, if I'm going to join a church, no one can know this

00:43:47.000 about me. So I have to go further into my transition so that people see me as male

00:43:53.280 because I believe that not only, you know, does God want me to follow him, but he wants me to

00:43:59.780 follow him as the man that he made me to be. And to do that, I have to be what the Bible describes

00:44:06.720 a man as, and I'm not masculine to fit that right now. So I'm going to try to fit that mold of a

00:44:11.760 Christian man and then step into church. And so I had cut my hair and I started to take testosterone

00:44:17.300 again. And I started to attend a local church and I really found myself there. I found people that

00:44:24.340 loved me and cared about me and wanted to see me grow close to Jesus. And I remember I still had

00:44:30.340 that anxiety of, but no one can know this about me because if they knew me, they would kick me

00:44:35.500 out of the church and they wouldn't like me. And that anxiety consumed me. And so I emailed

00:44:40.500 my pastor after having been at that church for about a month. And I said, hey, can you meet?

00:44:48.680 And I had planned to tell him in that meeting, you know, you need to know about me that I'm

00:44:52.780 transgender. And so I told him and his response was, you know, we're going to walk alongside you

00:44:58.440 in this and tell who you would like to tell. And in the meantime, we just want to see you pursue

00:45:03.980 Jesus with everything you have and we're going to walk beside you as you pursue Jesus and you know

00:45:11.340 I think so many people assume that me coming to faith and then de-transitioning was a work of

00:45:17.660 Christians were repeat repetitively telling me that this is wrong enough until I changed but

00:45:24.180 actually I never had one person ever confront me about it never once actually did anyone say 0.91

00:45:31.460 anything I had one or two people ask and I would tell them the truth and when I'd say you know I

00:45:36.320 am their only response was I'm so glad you still come to church because that's hard a lot of people

00:45:41.560 wouldn't do that and I'm glad that you still show up at church and it's so interesting and

00:45:48.660 it was a year of coming to church and pressing in and reading my bible and following scripture

00:45:55.600 where God started to do a work on my heart where it was hard because I would read scripture like

00:46:03.640 in first John one where it would say if you love me you'll keep my commands and I knew that there

00:46:10.180 was one place where I was not keeping God's commands where I was going against his best for

00:46:16.600 me and I thought you know I'm just gonna keep chasing God because that's all he wants all he

00:46:22.000 wants is for me love him so I can love him as I am and I remember one evening thinking to myself

00:46:27.400 I don't think I'm going to heaven as a man I don't think that I'm going to stand before the

00:46:36.160 throne room I don't think I'm going to look at Jesus and I don't think he's going to see a man

00:46:40.500 I think he's going to see the girl that he made I think he's going to see the woman and I think

00:46:46.860 he's going to welcome me by my name not a name that I chose but a name that was lovingly given

00:46:54.740 to me by my parents a name that he called me by for so many years and I sat with that reality

00:47:01.680 for a while and you know I thought to myself but you know like this is my comfort after the hurt

00:47:08.660 that I felt that like I just can't step back into that femininity because look what happened to me 0.57

00:47:15.320 when I presented that way and God never said you know I don't like this about you change

00:47:21.880 but he said actually I see what hurts in you actually I see the striving I see I remember

00:47:29.860 he had told me I was so anxious after someone at church had texted me and said hey are you trans

00:47:37.020 they were actually really loving that conversation but it filled me with so much anxiety and I was

00:47:41.020 mad at God. And I was like, why would, why would you allow this? And why won't you just let me

00:47:46.060 get over this? Like, why can't I just reach a point where no one asks me about this? And he

00:47:50.980 said, Hey, I see that striving and that anxiety. Would you let me take it from you? Like you were

00:47:57.440 never created to bear this. Would you let me take it from you? So I surrendered it. And I said, Lord,

00:48:03.360 this is terrifying i had a surgery i took testosterone everyone at the church

00:48:09.860 sees me and calls me as a man this sucks i can never go back but i just decided to surrender 0.51

00:48:18.040 that to him and say lord do a work do something that i think is so impossible would you move this

00:48:24.400 mountain and so that day i just stopped taking testosterone i started to grow up my hair i started

00:48:31.340 to slowly tell people. And God's really done a miraculous work. And what I thought would be

00:48:38.220 taken from me, I thought, you know, I'll never get married. I'll never work in ministry. I'll never,

00:48:44.480 I'll never get back what the enemy stole. And the way that the Lord has not only restored and

00:48:54.060 redeemed, but given back a double portion in my life, I just stand in awe of what he's done in

00:49:00.820 my life. Wow. And how many years ago was that? Um, how many months ago this was, this happened

00:49:08.960 in August. It has not even been one year. Wow. Since you transitioned and since you

00:49:14.920 decided to give your life to Christ. Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. And that short amount of time.

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00:50:29.720 So you took testosterone and you also had surgery and I'm unclear on how many surgeries you had or

00:50:37.660 all of the surgeries that you had, but you did have a hysterectomy, correct?

00:50:41.040 yeah at the time so what i had was a hysterectomy where they took my uterus as well as one ovary

00:50:50.040 and so they said you know you go on and off hormones so we do still need to leave at least

00:50:57.020 one of your ovaries intact um so that if you ever decide you no longer want to be on hormones your

00:51:03.240 body still has the ability to produce the necessary hormones like estrogen. And so that was a surgery

00:51:13.180 that I had had. I was also on the wait list to get a double mastectomy. And so I had had that surgery,

00:51:20.640 it just so happened to be that there were surgeons available in my area to do that surgery. So it was

00:51:29.440 a fairly short wait list. I had booked that surgery and had it three months later. I'm very

00:51:37.140 thankful that the surgery I had that would have taken both of my breasts never happened. And it

00:51:45.960 was such a long wait list and laws started to be put in place where you had to be seen by more

00:51:51.100 psychologists before you could get such a life altering surgery. So I'm very thankful for that.

00:51:57.900 But I live approaching life, you know, as a woman who wants to be married, who wants a family and will never be able to experience pregnancy and everything that comes with that, with building a family.

00:52:15.620 Yeah. How easy was it for you to get someone to sign off on that? I mean, you were an adult at this point. I don't know how old you are, maybe 20 at this point.

00:52:27.480 Um, but was it just a matter of saying, Hey, I, I want this done and a doctor saying, okay.

00:52:33.820 Yeah, absolutely.

00:52:35.200 Um, it was incredibly easy.

00:52:37.940 It was actually the first appointment that I had had the very first appointment I ever

00:52:44.140 had to talk about hormones.

00:52:46.420 They asked me with that within that appointment, would you also like surgery?

00:52:52.480 Um, and I had said, yes. 0.99

00:52:54.560 And they said, we can give you a surgery that will remove your uterus so you won't get a period 1.00

00:52:59.900 anymore. And sorry, how old were you at that point? Yeah, it was in my first appointment,

00:53:04.820 they had asked. And I was 18 at that point. And they began to put in the letters of recommendation

00:53:13.020 to have me have that surgery. And they actually offered it about five months after

00:53:21.020 that initial appointment and I got scared and I canceled it. Um, and then when I was 20 years old,

00:53:27.720 I had an appointment with my doctor where they would ask how the hormones were going,

00:53:33.500 where they would ask me again, Hey, do you still want this? We noticed that you had

00:53:38.860 asked for it and then never responded to coming into any of the appointments.

00:53:44.700 And when I had said yes, that time around, um, it was, it was about three months later

00:53:50.040 that I would see a surgeon and go in for surgery one week later.

00:53:55.160 And you just felt like you needed to do this as a way of affirmation. You didn't want to

00:53:59.280 have a period anymore. You felt like a uterus made you more of a woman and you thought that 1.00

00:54:04.180 it would feel better if you could be closer to what a man is like. Yeah, I felt that it was 0.69

00:54:13.560 an annoying thing I felt that you know I'm a man and I shouldn't be getting a period and so this

00:54:21.340 surgery will stop that for the rest of my life so this is something I need to do this is something

00:54:26.700 I should do because you know this would further show that I was presenting as a man that this

00:54:35.100 would further you know where I could say to people who on the internet maybe were saying you know

00:54:42.060 you're still a woman, like you still have these parts. And if I got rid of that, that that would 0.99

00:54:48.380 bring me a step closer into how I'm trying to become. If you could go back and you could tell

00:54:53.860 your five-year-ago self the truth, what would you say? If I could go back and I could speak

00:55:06.520 into the kid who was starting this transition who started to look at those things I think I

00:55:15.300 I think I would just tell her to to trust in what the people around her say

00:55:24.380 and to what her parents who love her say and also what God is speaking to her because at

00:55:30.720 the time that I started to look at those things there was that conviction

00:55:33.500 and i think i would also say that god wants your whole heart not part of it because i did have that

00:55:44.220 point in my life where it was kind of living a double life where i was consuming this content

00:55:48.580 yet going to church and i thought that i could do both that i could have one foot in the world

00:55:54.980 and one foot in in a kingdom world and I would just say that there's so much that God can do

00:56:05.580 if you would give him your whole heart and that following Jesus means he gets your whole heart

00:56:14.480 which means that he gets to reign over everything which means he gets to do really cool things

00:56:20.100 in every single aspect of your life. Yeah. I would love for you to kind of talk about the

00:56:27.220 balance between loving someone, showing up with them, welcoming them, just saying, look,

00:56:33.160 I'm glad you're here. And also speaking truth because you have this wonderful platform where

00:56:38.940 you share your testimony, but you're also speaking the truth. Like you're talking the truth about the

00:56:43.840 lie of transgenderism, the deception there, the false promises that are presented there. 0.99

00:56:48.740 and so you and i both agree in that there is value and just saying hey this is how it is this is what 0.80

00:56:55.100 god has for you and your body and your identity this is what the world has god's ways are better

00:57:00.780 but at the same time you know you talked about going to church and where people weren't really

00:57:06.020 pressing that issue with you they were just loving you and accepting you so can you talk about like

00:57:11.480 how you navigate with all of your experiences doing both speaking the truth and love but also

00:57:16.520 just loving someone where they are. Absolutely. Absolutely. Honestly, I think it really comes

00:57:22.680 down to comfortability. I think that, you know, so much in loving people as Christians, we will

00:57:30.720 love them as much as our comfortability allows us to love them. I think that we forget that the

00:57:36.800 most loving thing you can do is to tell someone the truth. You know, I think of Jesus's warning

00:57:44.040 Matthew where he says, you know, if you lead one of these little ones astray, it's better to have

00:57:50.480 a millstone hunt around your neck and be thrown into the sea. So Jesus is very clear. It is not

00:57:55.680 a loving thing to lead someone astray, to lead someone away from the truth. And so I think we

00:58:02.660 shy away from those conversations so much because it makes us uncomfortable because we're scared of

00:58:09.640 what it would look like to sit in a conversation and say to someone, God has a best for you and

00:58:16.140 his best for you is how he lovingly made you. It makes us uncomfortable so we don't have those

00:58:21.040 conversations. And I think there's really an aspect where we have to realize someone's soul

00:58:27.260 will always be more important than our comfortability. And I think that we're so scared

00:58:32.840 that if we tell someone the truth, it's going to turn them away from Jesus. But I think if we look

00:58:38.780 at the Bible and we look at scripture and we think that we have to change certain aspects of it so

00:58:44.420 it's more palatable to people, I think that we're not putting our full belief and trust in the power

00:58:51.660 of scripture and the power of the Holy Spirit. And I think that if we think that we have to,

00:58:58.600 you know, glamorize the gospel, that we have to package it a certain way so that people can

00:59:04.720 receive it better, I think that we are doubting what scripture can do. And I think we just have

00:59:11.420 to put our trust that this is the full, complete work of God, that nothing about it needs to be

00:59:17.340 changed or reworded or revamped, that we can trust. You know, I believe what it says in

00:59:23.840 scripture, that the word of the Lord will never return void, that you might sit in an uncomfortable

00:59:28.260 conversation where you say, hey, I understand that maybe you're a woman, you're in relationship with

00:59:35.040 a woman. I think that God has a best for you. And I think the best design that God gave us

00:59:42.120 in marriage was the example they gave us in the Bible, the only example, which was one man and

00:59:48.120 one woman and we union. I think that we get so scared of what it would look like to be in

00:59:55.300 conversation with that, that we just pull back from it completely. And I would love to see

01:00:00.920 in this cultural moment, a boldness come over the church to speak truth and to realize that

01:00:09.180 there's love and truth. Yeah. Wow. And what is the restoration of the relationship with your

01:00:17.440 parents been like in the midst of all of this? Absolutely. I think, you know, my parents

01:00:25.720 really were learning how to love an LGBTQ identifying child. And they did a good job

01:00:33.420 of loving me, even though I strong armed them. And I really, I really appreciate the way that

01:00:39.040 my parents chose love um and they chose to unite our family rather than um you know push me away

01:00:49.380 even though I was pushing them away and you know I think the way that my parents loved me and loved

01:00:56.800 me through that period was such a reflection of God's love for us because they really did continue

01:01:03.240 to chase me down even when I strong-armed them and now you know even it wasn't even just a

01:01:10.700 detransition that reconciled my family but was it was just me starting to follow faith that started

01:01:17.740 to bring um reconciliation and it really was just the scripture about honoring your father and mother

01:01:24.720 that pressed my heart that you know I'm going to disagree with my mom and my dad but I need to

01:01:30.160 start looking at what it would look like to honor them. And, you know, I find it interesting that

01:01:35.740 scripture says, honor your father and mother and you will live a long life. So it says, if you do

01:01:41.120 this honoring act towards your parents, not only is it just a good thing, but something that brings

01:01:46.800 you life. And I really saw that as I began to try to live it out to, you know, I'm not going to

01:01:53.040 disagree with them violently in this conversation, but I'm just going to choose to listen and honor

01:01:57.780 of them. It started to bring life to me. And I really believe that that was part of the work

01:02:02.420 God was doing to, to push me back into right identity. And you were passionate as we talked

01:02:09.120 about, about things like abortion and has the Lord also changed your heart on issues like that?

01:02:16.360 Absolutely. Absolutely. I, you know, so much of it, I had to realize that I actually never

01:02:24.200 even believed it that fully fully in my heart I you know and and this is maybe quite vulnerable

01:02:33.280 but I remember I had thought to myself during that time you know like I am a biological woman

01:02:39.680 like I do still have the ability you know before I had a transitional surgery that stopped my

01:02:46.000 ability took my uterus and stopped my ability to have children before that time you know I would

01:02:51.200 think to myself I do have the ability to get pregnant and I am living outside of God's truth 0.57

01:02:55.500 I'm living with my boyfriend at the time and if I were to get pregnant on accident I could never do

01:03:01.680 that I don't think I could actually ever do that and you know I believed in still fighting for it

01:03:07.580 at the time I was like okay well maybe this really scares me and I could never live with a decision

01:03:12.900 like that but other people should be allowed to and you know God really had to reveal to me

01:03:18.420 so much of these ideologies that i was fighting for so much of it that i was saying i believed in

01:03:26.600 really came down to pride that it wasn't so much that i believed these things but i but i just

01:03:33.680 believed that whatever christian stood for i needed to stand for the exact opposite that if

01:03:39.580 a christian said the sky was blue i needed to shout that it was red and so if christians are

01:03:45.260 very, very pro-life and fight for the right of unborn babies, then I need to be so pro-choice

01:03:53.900 to fight for women's rights. And so God not only had to reveal that it was pride that was making

01:04:01.460 me hold so firmly to these beliefs, but it was also just me being lost and me not understanding

01:04:09.060 where I really stood and not understanding God's heart in these things and so as I began to look

01:04:16.180 at scripture you know I first began to look at scripture still with that pride where I would say

01:04:21.080 you know I'm going to be a really liberal Christian and I'm going to show that Christians 0.97

01:04:25.880 Christians are actually really cool and I'm going to sort of repackage that gospel I'm not gonna

01:04:30.400 speak out against LGBTQ I'm not gonna say that I'm pro-life because I want to be approachable

01:04:37.600 to these people that still believe in that and you know it again back to that scripture in first 1.00

01:04:42.460 john one that god really convicted me with if you love me you'll keep my commands and so god had to

01:04:49.020 show me and teach me through his word and through through church community that following jesus

01:04:55.300 is about laying down my beliefs laying down my truths and accepting his truths that that these

01:05:04.220 beliefs aren't from the Bible and that if I'm picking them up, then I'm burying the world

01:05:10.060 instead of burying my cross. Yeah. Wow. Hilly, thank you so much for just your vulnerability

01:05:16.960 and for sharing your story with us and praise God. He is so good and so incredibly faithful.

01:05:23.440 And I love how he's using your testimony. And I just encourage everyone here because,

01:05:28.600 you know satan doesn't like testimonies shared he doesn't like light being shown into darkness and

01:05:34.680 spiritual warfare is real i just ask everyone watching and listening to pray for hayley and to

01:05:40.560 pray for all like her too it is hard to leave your community leave followers leave the identity that

01:05:47.120 you thought you had and was giving you fulfillment to give all of that up through the power of the

01:05:51.960 holy spirit and to count it all as loss and so i just pray for you and that the lord would continue

01:05:57.420 to use you and strengthen you and embolden you, I know it can be tough. So just thank you so much.

01:06:02.900 Thank you for taking the time to come on and share your story. Thank you. Thank you so much

01:06:08.460 for continuing to platform these stories because I know you've had conversations with detransitioners 0.99

01:06:14.240 before, but I appreciate the fact that you would continue this conversation. Yeah. Well, thank you

01:06:21.260 so much.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - June 12, 2026

Ep 1359 ｜ After a Hysterectomy and Hormones, Jesus Saved Her from Transgenderism ｜ Haley Furst

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