Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1414 ｜ Would I Ever Send My Kids to Public School？

00:00:00.000 My husband and I just got married, so we've been talking about kids in the future and schooling for them.

00:00:05.800 What are your thoughts on public school versus homeschooling?

00:00:09.000 What we are discipled by, we are shaped into. 0.62

00:00:11.540 And public education is never going to give your child a Christian education.

00:00:15.160 And if you say, well, I know all of our public school teachers, they're not teaching the woke stuff. 0.58

00:00:19.520 They're not teaching gender.

00:00:20.940 But are they teaching John 3.16?

00:00:22.480 Are they teaching the Apostles' Creed?

00:00:24.720 Can your child tell you what the gospel is?

00:00:26.860 not only because you told it to them,

00:00:28.320 which you should be the primary disciple of your child,

00:00:30.540 but because they keep learning about it every day in school?

00:00:32.840 Is your child learning in school that two plus two equals four

00:00:36.580 because God authored truth and is the creator of the universe?

00:00:39.840 If they're going to public school, the answer is no.

00:00:41.460 If they're getting a Christ-centered education,

00:00:43.180 hopefully the answer is yes.

00:00:56.860 Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day, a wonderful week so far.

00:01:02.920 So we are keeping with these maternity episodes and we are doing a voicemail episode today. So a

00:01:09.480 lot of you guys ask for my advice and we decided to get your call-ins and listen to what you have

00:01:14.940 to say. And then hopefully I can give as much clarity and encouragement as I can. We have lots

00:01:19.900 of different marriage-related, kids-related questions today that I'm so excited to dive

00:01:24.280 into. But not only that, we've got a question about panhandlers, which I thought was interesting.

00:01:28.700 Also, how to relate to your family members that are living a life that is totally opposed to what

00:01:35.440 you believe in. What does the Bible have to say about all of that? First, I want to go to

00:01:40.640 voicemail number three. We're going to kind of go out of order here. This is from a mom

00:01:44.880 who had a really traumatic birth, and now she's wondering what to do next. Voicemail three.

00:01:50.140 Hi, Ellie Beth. I'm calling from Southern California. I'm just wondering what advice you would give to a new mom of one about having more kids because the first experience was a lot, NICU stay, traumatic birth, like a lot of complications, really not any help.

00:02:12.680 And I never thought she was going to be an only child.

00:02:15.980 And now I'm probably hoping that she's an only child. 0.98

00:02:18.340 So what's your encouragement or your advice for women to have more than one kid when the

00:02:24.260 first kid was a lot of an experience?

00:02:28.240 Thanks.

00:02:28.780 Big fan of your show.

00:02:30.800 Okay, great question.

00:02:32.420 I get this question a lot from moms who are freshly postpartum who want to know, how do

00:02:37.120 I decide how many more kids I want to have?

00:02:40.900 And I remember thinking the same thing.

00:02:42.680 after my first and my second, I was sure that I wanted more. Now, my first and second births

00:02:48.000 were difficult because I had unwanted, unplanned C-sections in both of them. Those of you who have

00:02:52.820 been around a while have probably heard my birth stories and you might remember my first, I went

00:02:58.280 over 40 weeks and I just had a doctor who wasn't supportive of that, encouraged me to get induced

00:03:03.280 and it didn't go well. My body was not ready. The baby was not ready. There were no health

00:03:08.220 complications whatsoever with me or the baby, but I was really strongly encouraged. And I might

00:03:14.260 even say pressured to have a C-section. They throw out all these kinds of things. If you go to 41

00:03:19.180 weeks, this might happen, that might happen. And so of course you're scared as a new mom. You're

00:03:23.640 like, okay, I'm going to do this. And the recovery for that was really hard. Now I'm not a NICU stay,

00:03:27.800 so I'm not saying that it's the same as your experience, but it was a difficult thing for me

00:03:33.020 to wrap my mind around as someone who never thought that I would be having surgery with my

00:03:36.880 first baby. And then my second, I was really hoping for what's called a VBAC. And that didn't

00:03:42.300 happen. I went into labor spontaneously again, 41 weeks. And, uh, there were actually a few

00:03:48.320 complications there. I ended up getting an infection and we both had a fever. And so the

00:03:52.700 baby actually did need to get out quickly. Um, and so the, I had a C-section that recovery was

00:04:00.300 a lot better, but it was still difficult. This was not something I wanted, not something that

00:04:04.540 I had scheduled or planned for. And so still after two C-sections, people thought I was crazy. I'm

00:04:09.720 like, I'm still going to go for the V-back. I still want this after two C-sections. Let me find a

00:04:14.400 doctor who will be supportive. And I did, and we did have a successful V-back. And I had built this

00:04:20.100 up in my mind so much that this kind of birth, because it's more natural, that it's going to be

00:04:24.180 easier, that it's going to be better, that the recovery is going to be a piece of cake. I've

00:04:28.180 been sliced open seven layers of my abdomen and I eventually recovered. And so this of course is

00:04:34.420 going to be fine because this is how God intended birth to be. It was so much more difficult than

00:04:40.480 I thought. So first of all, my babies like to cook. My babies like to stay in there for a long

00:04:44.660 time. Third baby, almost 42 weeks, y'all. And it was like in the thick of the heat of the summer

00:04:50.820 in Texas. And it was really difficult. And then it was the postpartum that was really tough,

00:04:56.420 physically, emotionally. And I remember saying, like, I remember one night just dealing with so

00:05:01.580 much pain and you know, there's so much going on. You've got breastfeeding, you've got the other

00:05:04.700 two toddlers and you're not sleeping well, just so much on your shoulders. And I remember telling 1.00

00:05:10.480 Timothy, like I'm not having any more. Um, and I realized now looking back, that was not the time

00:05:16.760 to make that decision. It's not the time to make the decision when you are in the thick of things.

00:05:23.140 And I didn't really have to make that decision then that's the truth of it. But still for months

00:05:28.080 and years after, I just wasn't sure because it was a lot harder than I thought. Three kids was

00:05:33.820 great. We kind of always thought we would have three kids. My husband comes from three. I come

00:05:38.260 from three. It was a good number. We loved being a girl family. Um, but then as time went on and 1.00

00:05:45.240 the fog kind of faded and I thought more about my experience, I became more open to the idea of

00:05:52.360 having more kids and we prayed about it. We thought about it and we decided, you know what,

00:05:57.140 we're happy with three kids, but we're in a place that if God decides to bless us with

00:06:00.800 another baby, we'll also be happy with that. And somehow the fear and the anxiety surrounding

00:06:07.780 birth just kind of dissipated. Not that those bad experiences and pain didn't exist or that

00:06:13.700 they didn't matter, but eventually over time, they just kind of became overshadowed with desiring

00:06:21.320 more children and feeling like we really could have more children. So I say all of that to say

00:06:27.420 that maybe now is not the time for you to make that decision. Look, you are postpartum and this

00:06:34.620 is, I'm putting this out a few months after you sent the voicemail. I say you're still postpartum.

00:06:39.340 I had someone ask me this the other day when they were 16 months postpartum. They're like,

00:06:42.920 you're fresh postpartum. Okay. I considered that for like two years. You have a lot that

00:06:48.160 you're thinking through. You might not feel the way that you do in just a few months. You just

00:06:52.920 don't know. What I would encourage you is to not think so much about how many kids do I want to

00:06:59.360 have? Is it time to conceive another child? How many siblings do I want her to have? I want you

00:07:04.460 to think about your own heart before the Lord. I want you to think about your own posture. Are you

00:07:11.460 trusting the Lord? Are you casting all of your cares upon him because he cares about you? Are

00:07:16.240 you casting your anxieties at his feet? Are you living without fear because you trust him

00:07:20.840 and allow the Lord to work in your heart? Pray, say, Lord, if my thoughts about this aren't right,

00:07:26.520 if I'm somehow being too fearful or anxious, if I'm not trusting you, will you show me that?

00:07:32.560 Or will you show me whether it's wisdom, something that I don't see? Maybe this is what you have for

00:07:37.000 me, for me to have one child and that's in your will. Show me that too. But will you help me just

00:07:42.680 walk in your will with total peace. What I think all Christians are called against, no matter

00:07:47.800 what you're trying to decide on, is making decisions out of fear that God won't take care

00:07:53.500 of you or that God won't take care of your child. We're not supposed to walk in anxiety. How many

00:07:59.680 times did Jesus tell us over and over again, do not be anxious. Who of you by worrying can add a

00:08:04.260 single hour to his life? Do not fear. Look at the lilies of the field. Look at the birds of the air.

00:08:09.480 You're worth so much more than these. God takes care of those things. He's going to take care of

00:08:13.000 you. So that's what I would focus on right now, because that's going to lead to all kinds of

00:08:20.320 peace, not just about how many children to have, but in all areas of your life.

00:08:24.020 Are you walking in surrender? Are you walking in total reliance on the Lord and specifically pray

00:08:30.380 in that? I would encourage you to have a godly older woman mentor in your life. Godly older

00:08:36.120 woman mentor. I think all of those things are important here. Pray with your husband,

00:08:41.520 godly friends surrounding you, let them speak truth to you, even when you don't

00:08:45.460 want to hear it. But, um, that's what I, that's what I would say to that question.

00:08:54.160 So right now we are looking at the first buyer's market in years for the housing market. And that

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00:09:10.480 first-time home buyer a move-up buyer you're looking to invest in real estate for rental

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00:10:01.000 NMLS number 819382. All right, let's shift gears to how we as Christian should approach

00:10:12.940 those on the side of the road who are asking us for money. Do we give money right away? What is

00:10:18.600 the best, most biblical thing to do? This is voicemail number four. I'm in North Carolina,

00:10:23.340 and there are so many panhandlers on every single intersection.

00:10:27.540 And I feel so awkward when I drive up and I'm like, okay, don't make any contact.

00:10:33.220 Don't read the sign.

00:10:34.380 They're going to come up to the window, blah, blah, blah.

00:10:36.380 It's hard to discern whether, like, what do you do?

00:10:39.040 Do you stop and pray for every single person at every single red light?

00:10:43.000 Like, roll your window down.

00:10:44.300 Do you give them $5 every single time?

00:10:47.500 I'm just like, what is the proper approach?

00:10:49.680 because how do we know that they're not just using money that you're going to give them

00:10:52.520 for drugs? I don't want to just be ignoring if someone is truly a need, but just like there's

00:10:59.200 so many, you can't be giving all of your time and money to every single panhandler, every single

00:11:04.760 red light, every single day. So I would love to know what your take is on every kind of panhandler.

00:11:12.160 Great question. I think all of us have dealt with this at one time or another. You're like,

00:11:15.880 am I feeling conviction or am I just nervous because he's staring right into my window?

00:11:20.640 So I have in the past given food. I can't say that I have given food or had food readily available

00:11:26.020 with me every time. That's, I think, a really good option. My mom is great about this. She's

00:11:31.540 so consistent. She'll have these kind of care bags in the back of her car. So if she's at a 1.00

00:11:36.660 stoplight and there is someone right there asking for money, she won't give money, but she will give

00:11:42.300 food. And it might have like a little gospel tract in there, or it might have, um, you know,

00:11:48.040 food, water, things like that, which I think is a great idea because we don't actually know how

00:11:53.480 they're spending money. And if we can help it, we don't want to fund their drug habit. You know,

00:11:59.720 we don't want to fuel addiction. We don't want this money to be buying things that are actually

00:12:05.740 bad for them. So there's a few things to keep in mind over and over again, we are charged with

00:12:11.100 caring for the vulnerable, caring for the poor, the orphan, the widow, the fatherless, those who

00:12:16.880 are in these vulnerable categories who don't have political or financial capital to be able to defend 0.95

00:12:23.080 themselves or advocate for themselves, the sick, the elderly, all of the people who, when Christianity

00:12:30.140 burst onto the scene, were just treated as less than people. Christianity changed how the world 0.57

00:12:35.160 saw these vulnerable categories of people because we raised up institutions and organizations and

00:12:40.980 systems that cared for those who could not care for themselves. So that is absolutely true that

00:12:45.880 that is a Christian obligation. And then at the same time, we do not want to do anything that

00:12:51.600 disincentivizes someone from taking on the dignity that comes with work. Work is inherently good. I

00:12:59.060 think sometimes we think that work is a product of the fall or work is a necessary evil. No, it is

00:13:05.080 toil that is a product of the fall. So you could work hard for all of these years and come up with

00:13:10.900 nothing. You could be a farmer and you're trying to plant crops. And then all that comes up is

00:13:17.660 thorns and rotten vegetation. So that is the curse of the fall. But I think that there is going to

00:13:23.720 be work in heaven. I think that there is going to be work on the new earth. There was work before

00:13:29.120 the fall. Adam was tasked to work and to keep it. So there is something inherently good for the

00:13:34.440 image bearer of God in work and providing for oneself. We read this all throughout Proverbs,

00:13:40.440 Proverbs 12, 27, whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get

00:13:45.840 precious wealth. We also read in 2 Thessalonians 3, 10 through 12, if anyone is not willing to

00:13:52.040 work, so not able, but not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk

00:13:58.640 in idleness, not busy at work, but busy bodies. So busy at things that don't matter, not busy at

00:14:04.140 the thing that does matter, which is work. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord

00:14:08.640 jesus christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living if you can help it don't depend

00:14:15.500 on other people to provide for you ephesians 4 28 let the thief no longer steal but rather let him

00:14:20.940 labor doing honest work with his own hands so that he may have something to share with anyone in need

00:14:26.260 so not only is it important to work so you can provide for yourself so you're not having to

00:14:30.680 exploit other people but also it's important so you can be generous to those who are in need not

00:14:36.300 in want, but in need, those who actually need something. So I think that the better thing to do

00:14:41.840 is if you can provide other provisions, food, water for these people that can't hopefully be

00:14:49.240 used for addiction. And then also find a truly godly biblical organization in your area. If

00:14:59.540 there's not one, maybe God is calling you to something like that. Partner with your local

00:15:03.300 church to see the best ways to actually care for these people because those resources do

00:15:07.580 exist we are not a desert when it comes to resources for those who are homeless um the

00:15:14.180 dream center is one in la phoenix i think there might even be one in dallas and other places that

00:15:19.500 truly do such good work for those who are vulnerable and on the margins and so try to

00:15:24.620 find an organization like that in your area who effectively and efficiently use your hard-earned

00:15:29.700 to really care for these people and to incentivize them to take up the dignity of working hard.

00:15:37.200 Next question is voicemail number five.

00:15:41.380 My question is, where would it leave me long term, like finding a church since I'm about

00:15:47.160 to be a senior in college, if I originally started in a more fundamental Baptist church,

00:15:54.080 but I find myself becoming a little bit more Calvinist over time?

00:15:57.400 um love to hear your thoughts on this um god bless you bye

00:16:02.040 um okay thank you for that question i don't have a very long answer for this i would say if you're

00:16:11.140 looking for something that is more calvinist leaning then i would go to the master seminary

00:16:16.380 that's john mcarthur seminary out in california they have um a resource it's tms.edu slash find

00:16:23.540 dash a dash church. And we will make sure to link that in the description of this episode.

00:16:28.900 That's where I would go. There are multiple church finders, but I would say that if that's

00:16:33.960 what you're looking for, especially if you're Baptist and you're looking for something that

00:16:37.580 leans Calvinist, there are definitely, um, PCA Presbyterian churches that you could look into.

00:16:44.340 I went to a Presbyterian church when I was in college that I love. I'm Baptist, but I just love

00:16:49.640 a lot of the, um, Presbyterian, uh, ways of doing worship and leading their worship services,

00:16:57.620 but that's where I would go. TMS.edu slash find a church. If that is what your leaning is. And it

00:17:04.220 is so important to be involved in your local church, to be members and to tithe and to serve

00:17:10.120 the body of Christ, not only to be served, although that certainly is part of it. Um,

00:17:15.600 All right, let us look at voicemail number two.

00:17:21.560 Hi, I'm wondering what to do if I'm feeling like my husband and I aren't equally whooped.

00:17:27.280 Ever since having kids, my faith and my relationship with God has changed, and I don't feel like

00:17:35.260 my husband has, and we're really struggling in our marriage.

00:17:39.120 So looking for advice.

00:17:40.500 Thank you.

00:17:40.920 well that is a really hard position to be in because the husband is supposed to be the leader

00:17:49.440 of his wife we read in ephesians 5 that the husband is to present his wife to the lord

00:17:55.260 totally washed in the word and to lead her spiritually to protect her physically to provide

00:18:02.100 for her and maybe your husband is meeting some of that criteria maybe he's a good protector he's a

00:18:07.300 good provider, but it sounds like spiritually you are in a different position than he is.

00:18:12.920 And that's really hard because you want to submit to your husband. You want to respect your husband.

00:18:17.420 But if he is not taking reading the word of God seriously, if he is not praying,

00:18:21.520 if he doesn't have godly mentors, if he's not being discipled, then that is a difficult place

00:18:26.900 to be in. We had a bunch of people over to our house recently and I made cheese covered

00:18:37.140 bacon wrapped chicken. Well, two of those products were from Good Ranchers because of course they've

00:18:42.700 got better than organic chicken breast. They've also got chicken wings and all different kinds

00:18:47.220 of things, chicken thighs, but I love their chicken breast because I just think it's so

00:18:50.320 versatile. You can use it for so many things. This time I wrapped it in bacon because everything is

00:18:54.780 better in bacon. And I love the bacon from Good Ranchers. It's like the perfect ratio of fat and

00:19:02.320 it always tastes really good. I love to add it to my green beans too. If you have not made your

00:19:08.340 green beans with Good Rancher's bacon, you are completely missing out. They've got all different

00:19:13.420 kinds of awesome products. They are all from American farmers and ranchers. American meat

00:19:19.040 delivered right to your house on dry ice. And if you subscribe every single month, I mean,

00:19:24.480 what a game changer. I haven't had to go to the grocery store and like make sure that I'm getting

00:19:28.980 the right cut of meat for the right price in years because of Good Ranchers. Go to

00:19:33.040 goodranchers.com slash Allie, get $50 off anything on their site, goodranchers.com slash Allie.

00:19:44.220 While your husband may not be an unbeliever, I'm not sure if that's exactly what you're saying. 0.57

00:19:48.820 I still think 1 Peter 3, 1 through 4 applies here. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own 0.96

00:19:55.040 husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, okay? So maybe not even a non-Christian,

00:20:01.220 but doesn't obey the word. So that sounds like your situation. They may be won without a word 0.77

00:20:06.400 by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let 0.85

00:20:11.900 your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing

00:20:16.120 you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty

00:20:20.400 of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. And I really do think

00:20:25.740 all of that passage fits together well, because while I do think that there are verbal ways that

00:20:31.780 we can encourage our husbands, of course, like we can try to infuse them with a spiritual motivation

00:20:37.060 just by respecting them and loving them and maybe encouraging them to read a book that you're

00:20:42.080 reading or listen to a sermon that you're listening to. I don't think that is primarily

00:20:47.100 how wives convince their husbands. I think that we actually infuse them with a lot more confidence

00:20:53.140 and much more of a desire to follow the Lord through our actions rather than through our

00:20:58.000 words. I think women everywhere, men too, but it seems biblically that this is more of a female

00:21:04.000 centric problem is that like, we just feel like we have the solutions. And so it's easy for a 1.00

00:21:09.340 woman to become a nag. And you might not think that you might just think, no, I'm just encouraging. 1.00

00:21:13.020 I'm just trying to point them in the right direction, but that's not always the most

00:21:17.500 effective means of pointing our husbands in the right direction.

00:21:20.400 It seems from first Peter, like the best way to do that is to live in a way that is loving

00:21:24.580 and respectful and godly.

00:21:25.880 Now, if your husband is encouraging you to sin or something like that, or is sinning

00:21:32.140 against you in that he's abusing you or something, which I'm not saying that that is how you

00:21:37.080 describe this situation, then obviously that's different.

00:21:40.100 You should not sin.

00:21:41.720 you should not submit to your husband if it means not submitting to the Lord. Your husband is

00:21:46.760 supposed to be submitting to the Lord so that it is easy for you to submit to your husband. But it

00:21:53.340 seems like here, we are still supposed to submit to our husbands, even if they're not obeying the

00:21:57.580 word, as long as they are not causing us or encouraging us to sin. And so it's really

00:22:02.880 difficult. I hope that you have godly women, godly mentors surrounding you that can encourage you.

00:22:08.500 there's so many women in this situation. I personally know women in this situation and you

00:22:14.360 need encouragement. You need to be around other people who have been through this. You need to

00:22:18.720 be around women who are on the other side of this and who have said, yeah, my husband went through

00:22:23.400 that stage. Or maybe my husband is still in that stage and it's been 50 years, but here's how I've

00:22:28.260 been able to persist in our marriage with joy. Here's how I've been able to raise our children

00:22:32.240 and love the Lord and have this fruitful life serving the church and being friends with all

00:22:36.580 of these people, even though my husband has never been where I am spiritually. You really,

00:22:41.820 really need that. So pray to the Lord for people to disciple you and to love you through this. I

00:22:46.260 really think that can make or break you. All right. Now let's answer this question about

00:22:52.680 contraceptives in marriage. Voicemail one. Every episode you do on sexual ethics, I really 0.82

00:22:59.960 appreciate. And I would love to hear more on sexual ethics from a Christian Protestant 0.60

00:23:05.180 perspective. I'm especially curious your take on the acceptability of contraception

00:23:11.480 in marriage, as well as what should we be teaching our teens about sex and body literacy,

00:23:21.140 encouraging them to wait for marriage, but what do they need to know in advance of marriage,

00:23:26.400 especially not teens, but young adults and adults pursuing marriage? What formation should they

00:23:35.160 have pre-marriage regarding sex and body literacy. Thanks for all that you do.

00:23:41.940 Well, I appreciate your question so much. And I am not a mom of teens or preteens. I'm a mom

00:23:47.600 of little kids. Of course, I've been a teenager myself and I think about these issues, but

00:23:51.660 I do think part of your question, which is such an excellent question, would be probably better

00:23:56.840 suited to be answered by someone who has mothered children through that stage herself and can tell

00:24:01.760 you from experience what has worked and what has not worked. I will just say that so much of the

00:24:07.800 so-called purity culture that I was raised in, that many people were raised in, read I Kissed

00:24:13.780 Dating Goodbye, read Dateable, and heard about the dangers of sexual immorality and the lack of purity

00:24:20.820 at church camp, at Christian camps, at youth group, and all of that. So much of that has been demonized.

00:24:26.280 And it wasn't all good. Some of it truly was legalistic and never really went to the heart

00:24:30.860 of what purity actually means or modesty actually means or why sex is sacred and why it's so

00:24:37.480 important to only stay within the bounds of marriage between one man and one woman and

00:24:43.420 probably put too much emphasis on your worth being tied to physically what you've experienced.

00:24:49.960 There are certainly some of that there, but I'm thankful for it. Like I think so-called purity

00:24:55.320 culture protected a lot of people from a lot of heartbreak, like a lot of broken bodies,

00:25:01.100 a lot of broken hearts, a lot of hurt minds, a lot of crushed spirits. So much brokenness comes

00:25:08.380 from going outside the bounds of what God calls good and holy when it comes to sex.

00:25:14.680 So often I say, if I could just change one thing overnight that I think would have the best

00:25:20.580 trickle down effect, um, on society. Of course, the number one would be that everyone is sold

00:25:26.340 out for Christ. That's number one. But after that, I would say, get rid of all extramarital sex,

00:25:32.900 all extramarital, premarital affairs, abuse, all of it. People think that's so ridiculous that that 0.99

00:25:39.620 wouldn't solve any problems. It would solve the abortion problem. Mostly it would solve the sexual 0.93

00:25:44.040 abuse problem. Mostly it would solve the porn problem. Mostly like it would solve a lot of

00:25:49.260 broken marriages and a lot of bad situations if sex only existed between one man and one woman

00:25:55.160 within the context of marriage. So that's one thing is that it is so hugely important.

00:26:00.620 There are impacts on us. There are impacts on society. Um, I don't really remember knowing

00:26:05.700 that or thinking about that all that much. Um, I think kids do need an honest rendering of like

00:26:12.500 how the body works, what sex is, um, why it is God's gift to us. I can't give you like a book

00:26:19.380 recommendation that I would give to teens. The books that we read were different than the books

00:26:24.220 I've read now. I would caution against putting too much detail in the minds of someone who is

00:26:31.760 far from marriage. Like, I think it is possible to talk to teens too much about your honeymoon,

00:26:38.780 about your wedding night. I think a lot of parents want to be super open with their kids. And I think

00:26:43.000 that's good to a point, but I also think it is possible to arouse and awaken love before it's

00:26:50.480 so desires as song of Solomon says, and to put ideas and to put thoughts in their minds or to

00:26:56.900 kind of like cultivate those desires that actually can't be biblically satisfied. So I think it's

00:27:03.260 important that it's, yes, you talk about the biblical importance, but it's done in a matter

00:27:08.020 a fact way, you don't have to answer every question that your child has. That is an important

00:27:12.440 thing. I was actually talking to a mom of a preteen the other day who was talking about that.

00:27:17.200 So this isn't just like Ali's wisdom. This is another mom's wisdom. And she was saying like

00:27:23.080 how her preteen was asking her all of these questions and she's asked, she's answered a lot

00:27:27.220 of those questions, but there are some that you just don't answer when they ask for some more

00:27:31.780 detail. You just don't need to know that right now. You as a mom, I think have to be discerning

00:27:36.720 to know, like, what does your child need to know? Not want to know, but need to know. And if you're

00:27:42.900 worried, not this particular, uh, voicemailer, but anyway, if you're worried like, well, if they

00:27:47.880 don't ask me, they're going to go ask someone else. Um, okay. That might be true. But if you

00:27:53.680 are creating an environment where they're comfortable to ask you, you're not chastising

00:27:56.980 them for asking, but you're still saying, you know what, that's the limit of what I'm going

00:28:00.860 to tell you tonight. If you're worried about them going on the internet and asking, you need to

00:28:04.480 restrict your child's access to the internet anyway. They shouldn't have a phone or a computer

00:28:08.620 in their room or in private anyway. Um, so yeah, it's, you are to be their guide into sexuality. 0.84

00:28:16.960 It's not just open the door and let them walk in and know all of the information there is to know.

00:28:23.640 I think the closer a Christian gets to marriage, the more they can know. Um, and you don't have 0.99

00:28:28.820 to know everything. I think that's another thing. People think you have to know everything about

00:28:32.540 sex and sexuality before you get married. That's just not true. We're all here thousands of years

00:28:37.640 later, figured it out before we had books and before we had conferences and all of that.

00:28:44.040 And so I would just say that there's a limit to what people need to know while at the same time

00:28:50.820 fostering an openness about with our kids and talking about bodies and sexuality and all of that.

00:29:03.280 Quick pause to tell you about Voice of the Martyrs.

00:29:06.120 I love this organization.

00:29:08.200 They have supported Relatable for a while, and I just love their mission.

00:29:12.620 I love their story.

00:29:13.420 I got to meet some of the women from Voice of the Martyrs at Share the Arrows.

00:29:18.560 They are the real deal.

00:29:19.760 They just care about the persecuted church. 0.71

00:29:21.760 That's what they've been about since the very beginning.

00:29:24.580 I've told the story of Sabina Wurmbrand and how she and her husband worked to share the gospel throughout Eastern Europe at a very dangerous time during Nazi occupation, during communist rule.

00:29:39.380 And that's what they continue to do to this day, the Voice of the Martyrs, the organization they started.

00:29:44.400 They equip these persecuted Christians with Bibles, with support, with help.

00:29:50.600 They spread awareness about the imprisonment, the torture, the rejection of these Christians

00:29:55.900 throughout the world to people like us who have the resources to help them, who can pray

00:30:01.880 for them, and who can support them in a variety of ways.

00:30:05.160 I think the best first step is to get a resource from Voice of the Martyrs called Whom Shall

00:30:10.320 I Fear?

00:30:10.720 It's a daily devotional that will encourage you to live boldly for Christ right here.

00:30:15.820 And it also supports Voice of the Martyrs and persecuted Christians around the world.

00:30:20.600 So when you give just $35 or more, your gift will sponsor a Christmas care pack for children

00:30:26.180 of persecuted Christians, and you will receive a copy of Whom Shall I Fear?

00:30:30.320 VOM delivers Christmas care packages to children living in some of the most difficult and dangerous

00:30:34.500 places to follow Christ.

00:30:35.840 Go to vom.org slash Allie2026 to sponsor a pack and inspire your faith.

00:30:50.600 I know I didn't fully answer your question. It was just kind of a general perspective I have.

00:30:55.380 You did ask for the Christian Protestant perspective on like things like

00:30:58.760 contraception. I am always going to be against hormonal contraception because

00:31:03.200 it doesn't stop fertilization. It stops implantation. And a person is a person at

00:31:09.360 the moment of fertilization and therefore hormonal contraception, whether you're talking

00:31:13.760 about an IUD or whether you're talking about a birth control pill is potentially an abortifacient

00:31:19.180 every month. And I just am not willing to take that kind of moral risk. I am not against all

00:31:25.100 forms of, uh, preventing pregnancy. However, I do not think personally that Christians are 1.00

00:31:32.220 obligated to have a baby every single year. Like I think wisdom can be employed and I can't say

00:31:38.140 what that is for every single couple. Um, in general, of course, I think we're called to be

00:31:43.020 fruitful and multiply kids are a blessing, not a burden. I don't think we should delay kids or

00:31:48.180 limit the number of kids because we are selfish and we want to pursue our own things or we just

00:31:52.980 want to be comfortable or we want convenience. But there could be legitimate and wise reasons

00:31:57.760 to not have children for a period of time. So I hope that helped somewhat. All right,

00:32:05.100 let's move on to the next question. And that is question number six.

00:32:10.440 Hi, Allie. My question is about my own life event, but I also read it in your book. But

00:32:17.740 My question is that I have a gay brother-in-law who is married

00:32:24.200 and in the last few years has had children via surrogacy.

00:32:32.320 And I guess my question is, how do we deal with this with our own kids?

00:32:37.300 We have little kids at home, and we just want to know,

00:32:41.860 and we're talking with other people in our pastor too,

00:32:44.140 but just see your view because we really trust you on do we continue to see them do we cut them

00:32:50.240 out how do we handle this moving forward as they get older and understand more they live in another

00:32:55.180 state so that does change things too but we're just trying to figure out how to go forward with

00:33:00.820 this and explain it to them or do we not let them see it at all so I would love to hear your opinion

00:33:05.760 thanks yeah tough situation my first piece of advice it might surprise you I would say don't

00:33:13.420 cut them off. Don't cut them off. Now that is different than putting some boundaries in place

00:33:19.720 that, yeah, I wouldn't allow my kids to stay with them without me. Like I might, I don't know

00:33:25.280 exactly how they are or what they are like and the things that they talk about or the things that

00:33:30.540 they promote. But depending on those things, I'd be putting some serious boundaries, um, especially

00:33:37.140 around, around my kids. I also don't know exactly how old your kids are and how mature they are

00:33:42.440 and what they are ready to handle when it comes to your explanations, uh, of things. If they're

00:33:48.480 itty bitty, they're probably not going to understand, um, different Christians approach 0.97

00:33:53.420 this situation in different faithful ways. But I would encourage you that while you create the

00:33:59.740 boundaries that are right for your kids that are right, um, that's right for your family,

00:34:04.760 when it comes to physical access and informational relational access, I would say, don't cut them

00:34:09.880 off. I think of first Corinthians five, nine through 11. I wrote to you in my letter, not to

00:34:13.920 associate with sexually immoral people, not at all, meaning the sexually immoral of this world 0.90

00:34:18.300 or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters. Since then you would need to go out of the world. 0.95

00:34:23.700 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother. If he is

00:34:30.620 guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, drunkard, or swindler, 0.99

00:34:36.520 not even to eat with such a one. I think a lot of Christians probably don't apply this 0.98

00:34:40.800 to our own lives, but he's saying, look, if someone calls himself a Christian and he is

00:34:46.160 in these sins repeatedly, um, then don't associate with that person. I would say

00:34:51.260 because it probably hurts our witness. It hurts our testimony. People see that and they're like,

00:34:55.740 okay, well, and then I guess that's, I guess that's fine if you're a Christian,

00:34:58.940 but he is saying if this person is not a Christian, well, you can't not associate with

00:35:03.920 any of those people because we're supposed to be a light in the darkness. We're supposed to share

00:35:07.500 the gospel with those people. We want those people to repent from unbelief and change their

00:35:12.260 lives. And so I'm assuming that your brother-in-law is not a Christian, doesn't identify

00:35:20.200 as a Christian. I don't know that for sure. But if I am to assume that, then I would say that you

00:35:25.000 don't need to disassociate from them. I would ask the Lord to help you. How do I navigate this in a

00:35:31.540 that is faithful to your word first and foremost, first and foremost, and also shows them the light

00:35:37.800 of Christ. Because if you are the only ambassador of Christ in their life, I don't want his

00:35:43.480 impression of you to be one of coldness and callousness and one who cut them out. Because

00:35:50.360 remember, primarily the sin that your brother-in-law is in, primarily the sin that we all

00:35:57.440 were guilty of before we came to Christ is unbelief. So everything else, every other sin

00:36:03.780 flows out of that, of not believing in Christ as the authority for his life, his sexuality,

00:36:09.940 how he orders things. And so how you are able to impact him through the power of the Holy Spirit

00:36:17.080 and sharing the gospel could make a big difference. Maybe it doesn't make a difference in the next

00:36:20.820 five years. It might make the difference in 50 years from now. Um, unless it is a situation where

00:36:27.340 they're like completely violating the boundaries that you and your husband have set in every

00:36:33.400 single way. And you have tried lovingly and clearly to tell them the truth, um, while also

00:36:39.860 setting firm those parameters. Okay. That's, that's one thing, but if you can still love them,

00:36:45.820 have a relationship with them, protect your kids, protect your biblical worldview in your home,

00:36:51.040 then that's what I would encourage you to do. Um, all right. I love this question. I always

00:36:55.860 love questions about public school versus homeschooling. Here is voicemail seven.

00:37:01.660 Hey, um, husband and I just got married. So we've been talking about, you know,

00:37:05.460 kids in the future and schooling for them. So how do you, uh, balance, I mean, with homeschooling,

00:37:11.760 there's this I guess reputation that it has had um of kids and like their social um lives and all

00:37:19.620 but I guess my question is how do you manage or balance maybe not homeschooling but if you were

00:37:25.840 to do public school it seems like homeschooling we're scared of like maybe shielding them too

00:37:30.800 much or like them living in this bubble but then with homeschooling there's these woke ideologies

00:37:35.420 that get instilled into kids uh so what's a good balance what are your thoughts on uh yeah public

00:37:41.580 school versus homeschooling? Yes. So those of you who have been around for a while,

00:37:47.800 you've heard me talk a lot about public school. One, I will say these are not the only two options.

00:37:52.200 It's not public school or homeschool. It's public school versus Christ-centered education.

00:37:55.920 That can be homeschool. That can be a co-op. That can be a hybrid. A hybrid is

00:38:00.000 a Christian school. And I don't know if you have one in your area, but you could look into it where

00:38:03.900 you go for a couple of days to school, you get the classroom environment, and then for the rest

00:38:07.760 of the week you are your home there's also the traditional um christian school you've got like

00:38:14.140 the college prep type of like christian academy and then you also have the classical uh christian

00:38:19.240 schools and they're not all created equal by the way like you really have to go into these schools

00:38:24.000 if you're looking for christian private education hybrid academy classical whatever you have to go

00:38:29.580 into these schools you have to tour you have to look at if they rely on uh technology or not which

00:38:35.480 is a no-go for me. You have to look at their statement of belief, their statement of faith.

00:38:40.700 You have to really understand if they're infusing Christ into all of their curriculum, no matter

00:38:45.540 what you do, education is not an opportunity for you to outsource discipleship to the teacher.

00:38:52.560 The education should be seen as coming alongside you as the parent and helping form your child as

00:38:59.140 a disciple of Christ. So if that is the point of education, which I believe it is, does public

00:39:04.420 school accomplish that? No. Because even the most wonderful Christian teacher, and there are

00:39:09.860 wonderful Christian teachers, many of you listen to the show and I'm thankful for you, keep doing

00:39:13.600 what you're doing. But I'm talking about parents sending their kids to school. Even the most

00:39:17.740 wonderful Christian teacher cannot shape your child as a disciple of Christ because she's not 1.00

00:39:22.640 allowed to teach the Bible. She's not allowed to share the gospel. She is not allowed to talk about 1.00

00:39:28.020 history in English, in math, in science, which God all created in light of the fact that God is

00:39:34.980 the author of all of those things. She's not allowed to do that. She is barred by the law

00:39:39.620 from doing that. And so the question is Christ-centered versus public secular education,

00:39:45.780 maybe not even just public secular, but all kinds of secular, private or public.

00:39:49.620 Do you want your child to be discipled by a secular, sometimes anti-God worldview for 40

00:39:56.380 plus hours a week, or do you want them discipled by a Christ-centered biblical worldview for 40

00:40:01.460 plus hours a week? We're talking thousands of hours over your child's life from kindergarten

00:40:06.140 to 12th grade, in which they will be taught from an anti-God perspective or a gospel-centered

00:40:12.120 perspective. Those are your options. All right, we are right in the midst of the newborn stage,

00:40:23.000 which means we're going through a lot of diapers. We were out of the newborn stage,

00:40:26.720 out of the diaper stage altogether for a few years with our other three. And now we're right

00:40:31.880 back in it, which means the diapers that I use really matters. I'm only going to be,

00:40:36.080 I'm only going to be using the best. I'm only going to be using the kind that works really

00:40:40.100 well. That doesn't cause diaper rash. That's great for sensitive skin that has clean materials.

00:40:44.840 And also of course, most importantly, aligned with my values. That's why we love every life.

00:40:49.720 We love every life diapers. We've been using them since our last baby three years ago,

00:40:55.180 and now we're using it for our newborn. And I just love everything that they stand for.

00:41:00.800 They are pro-life unapologetically for babies can unapologetically define what a woman is.

00:41:06.700 And they also make these awesome products that really work and are really high quality. They've

00:41:11.840 got all kinds of stuff, not just diapers and wipes and travel wipes. They've got a cute belt

00:41:16.560 bag that I love. They also have lotions and soap and all kinds of things that are really good for

00:41:21.940 their skin. So check them out. Go to everylife.com. Use code Allie10. You'll get a 10% discount on

00:41:28.320 your first order. That's everylife.com, code Allie10. To me, it's like a no-brainer. I'm not

00:41:39.620 going to send my six-year-old into the mission field as a missionary to a public kindergarten.

00:41:45.680 Like, I'm just not going to do that. Okay. Missionaries are trained before they ever

00:41:50.140 enter the field for years and years and years. Okay. Your five-year-old is not going to be a

00:41:55.000 missionary. Not that God can't use Christians in the public education system because they can,

00:42:00.800 they absolutely can. And sending your child to a Christian school is not going to guarantee

00:42:04.180 their salvation. Okay. It's not going to guarantee that they are going to live for the Lord forever 0.99

00:42:08.380 and ever. I have friends who graduated from public school who are awesome Christian parents.

00:42:12.400 I have people that I know that graduated from the school that I went to. I went to a Christian

00:42:16.960 school kindergarten through 12th grade who were totally apostate. So I'm not saying that this

00:42:21.800 guarantees the fate of your child. I am saying, I think it's an act of obedience, not to send

00:42:27.060 your child to Caesar, because what did Voddy Bauckham say? If you send your child to Caesar,

00:42:31.520 don't be surprised when he comes back a Roman. Okay. What we are discipled by, we are shaped into. 0.96

00:42:36.800 and public education is never going to give your child a Christian education and if you say well

00:42:43.240 you know I live in South Lake Texas or I live in on the outskirts of Birmingham Alabama and I know 1.00

00:42:48.180 all of our public school teachers they go to our church I know that they're all great they're not

00:42:53.500 teaching the woke stuff they're not teaching gender but are they teaching John 3 16 like are

00:42:58.920 they teaching the Apostles Creed is your child standing up at the end of the school year and

00:43:05.420 when they're in kindergarten and singing the songs of the Old Testament and the New Testament,

00:43:10.980 can your child tell you what the gospel is? Not only because you told it to them,

00:43:14.600 which you should be the primary disciple of your child, but because they keep learning about it

00:43:18.240 every day in school. Is your child learning in school that two plus two equals four because

00:43:24.240 God authored truth and is the creator of the universe? If they're going to public school,

00:43:28.900 the answer is no. If they're getting a Christ-centered education, hopefully the answer is yes.

00:43:33.660 I can't tell you for me like what ha what having a christian education has done for me and what I do every day

00:43:40.860 I think I sorry college college was fine

00:43:43.840 But I think I could have not gone to college and continue to do what I do

00:43:46.880 I think I would have been fine because of the biblical foundation

00:43:50.500 I have people ask me all the time jubilee debate this like

00:43:53.960 How do you have the scripture off the top of your head? I wish I could just be like

00:43:57.660 Yeah, let me take all the credit for that. I'm awesome

00:44:00.100 christian education kindergarten through 12th grade plus awana uh evangelical upbringing when

00:44:06.100 it comes to bible memorization second to none um which i just give thanks to god and to my parents

00:44:12.280 for that i can't really take credit for it but um every single choice that you make every single

00:44:18.680 financial sacrifice time sacrifice that you make in service of your child's christ-centered

00:44:25.920 education is planting a seed that blooms in eternity. So that's what I would encourage you.

00:44:31.440 I'm very passionate about this, and I really disagree. I really disagree with the Christians 1.00

00:44:38.400 who I think are sincere, child-loving, God-loving Christians who encourage us to send our kids to

00:44:46.740 the public education system to be lights in the darkness. They can be lights in the darkness

00:44:51.240 anywhere. They have their entire lives to be lights in the darkness. Let's use 18 years or

00:44:58.060 not 18 years. Uh, let's use this 13 years, um, to really allow Christ centered education to help

00:45:06.260 prepare them for, um, for what's to come. Um, all right, let's do one more question before we close

00:45:12.980 out let's see okay let's do question number eight hey Allie so I totally agree with you on like 0.99

00:45:26.980 women not being able to be pastors and teachers over the congregation but where do you fall when

00:45:33.240 it comes to like a guest speaker um for example me and my husband went we were looking for church

00:45:39.100 a church to attend and we before we found the one we're at and we tried one and they just so

00:45:44.100 happened to have had a very popular um women's bible study teacher um doing their women's

00:45:50.560 conference that weekend and so they asked her to like stay because she was there for the weekend

00:45:57.140 to stay and teach on sunday as like a guest speaker um does that count as being a pastor

00:46:02.500 because technically she's teaching to the congregation but it was like honoring a guest

00:46:06.400 speaker. Just curious what you would say on that. Yeah. My stance is no, uh, on a Sunday morning

00:46:14.140 at your church. I don't think that even for a guest speaker, a woman should be preaching. No, 1.00

00:46:20.120 I would be very disturbed if that happens, uh, at my church and I wouldn't go to a church that

00:46:25.660 would do that. Now there are still people who fall into the complimentarian realm. Okay. So

00:46:30.880 complimentarian men and women compliment each other. Egalitarian means that men and women are

00:46:35.440 not only equal, but have equal roles and can have the same roles within the church, which I think

00:46:41.100 just violates scripture. Men and women are equal in worth and in value as image bearers of God,

00:46:47.640 but we're not the same. We bring different things to the table, spiritually, emotionally, mentally,

00:46:52.620 physically, all of these things. We read in 1 Timothy 2, 12, I do not permit a woman to teach 1.00

00:46:57.980 or to exercise authority over a man. Rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, 1.00

00:47:02.480 then eve and it goes on he goes all the way back to creation there which is a signal to me that okay

00:47:07.540 this is something that is still true today if it's going all the way back to the beginning

00:47:11.860 and he's talking in context of the local church there doesn't mean that a woman has to remain

00:47:16.820 quiet all of the time but he's saying look a woman in church not supposed to exercise authority over

00:47:22.320 a man and if you are in church at a pulpit and you are explaining scripture to the congregants

00:47:29.320 you are, because of the authority of scripture that you are exegeting there,

00:47:35.020 you are exercising authority over a man in church. And so, no, I would be against that.

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00:49:04.680 I think I kind of got off, off rails just a little bit back to the complementarian,

00:49:10.140 egalitarian thing, complementarian. 0.64

00:49:12.180 There is a camp of complementarian who would say, yes, this woman can teach, um, over she 0.99

00:49:18.760 can teach, um, on a Sunday to the crowd, but she cannot be pastor. Um, they would say that this 0.75

00:49:26.980 verse means that you can't be in a position of authority at a local church. You can still

00:49:34.360 exegete scripture to a mixed crowd at church. That's fine, but you can't be in a position of 1.00

00:49:39.700 authority. So you can't be a pastor. Those people would still be considered somewhere within the

00:49:44.180 realm of complimentarian. Um, I am a complimentarian, but I would not say that a woman should be 1.00

00:49:51.040 preaching on Sunday to the local body, um, to a mixed crowd. So, and I have been, I have been 1.00

00:49:58.400 speakers at places and there are churches like within roughly my theological realm who have

00:50:04.300 asked me to do that. And you know, they're being kind, they're being hospitable. They think I have

00:50:09.340 some encouragement and I've just said, no, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm not going to go out there and

00:50:13.980 share on a, on a Sunday morning, uh, unless it's just to, unless it's just to women or some women's

00:50:19.540 conference was wouldn't happen on a Sunday morning anyway. And so there are some disagreements there,

00:50:24.920 uh, within Protestantism about that, but that would be my position. I wouldn't go to a church

00:50:31.080 that has a female guest speaker on a Sunday. All right. I hope that was helpful. Thanks you guys 1.00

00:50:36.500 for, uh, thanks you guys for sending in so many great voicemails. Um, our call-in number is 844-755-5252.

00:50:45.240 If y'all can keep your voicemails to 30 seconds or under that helps, but like 40 seconds would be

00:50:51.900 great. Um, and we try to answer as many as possible and I'll try to answer as many as I can

00:50:56.140 on maternity leave, ask for advice, ask for clarity, anything that would be helpful for you.

00:51:01.380 All right. See you guys back here next time.

00:51:06.500 We'll see you next time.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - October 28, 2026

Ep 1414 ｜ Would I Ever Send My Kids to Public School？

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