Tate Speech - April 12, 2017


S2 E5 - Tag a Traveller

Hosted by
Mentioned
S2 E4 - No Robin in My Hood THE HATEFUL TATE - S2 E6 - Travel Blog

Episode Stats


Length

6 minutes

Words per minute

202.26

Word count

1,372

Sentence count

119


Transcript

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Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 It's your Thai culture mate.
00:00:09.000 Last bit of Shang.
00:00:11.000 Consuming the culture, literally.
00:00:14.000 Can I have one soda water, please?
00:00:19.000 If I was about it, go to a place.
00:00:22.000 Eat local.
00:00:23.000 Drink local.
00:00:24.000 Shang is a local.
00:00:25.000 Give me the beer.
00:00:27.000 Who owns Chang?
00:00:29.000 Who there?
00:00:30.000 Cosmos Brewery.
00:00:32.000 Okay, I guarantee I'd like someone to actually Google Cosmos Brewery.
00:00:34.000 I bet they're an international conglomerate, which probably own Heineken at the same fucking time.
00:00:38.000 So it's not really local.
00:00:40.000 Like everywhere that comes to thailand, they think they do these amazing little local experiences and they're dickheads.
00:00:45.000 Thailand is filled with beautiful scenic spots with 10,000 people in it, all trying to take one Instagram photo with themselves only, trying to cut out everyone else in the background to make it look like they're lost on some adventure when they paid fucking 800 baht to be picked up from their airport and taken in a fucking taxi.
00:01:06.000 You can't see it, you're on the blind side of him.
00:01:16.000 There he is.
00:01:26.000 Fan of monkeys?
00:01:29.000 What's a monkey ever done for me?
00:01:32.000 Has a monkey ever paid my rent?
00:01:35.000 No.
00:01:35.000 Has a monkey ever shown up at my house with a bag of food and fed me when I've been hungry?
00:01:40.000 No, no.
00:01:44.000 I don't mind Thailand for what it is.
00:01:46.000 Thailand's a place where there's no real laws, you can act a bit crazy, you can spend some money, fine.
00:01:50.000 But the problem with Thailand is it's full of dickhead travelers with fucking backpacks who think they're better than everyone else because they manage to spend as little money as possible.
00:01:58.000 And I'll sit there and go, oh, I got a real experience of Thailand.
00:02:00.000 I was traveling around with my backpack and I was staying in hostels and, you know, me and the local people.
00:02:04.000 The local people don't give a fuck about you.
00:02:06.000 The local people do not care about your fucking travel blog.
00:02:08.000 They don't give a shit.
00:02:10.000 All they care about is how much money you have.
00:02:11.000 The reason there's no real adventure in Thailand is if there's anything worth discovering in Thailand.
00:02:16.000 The Thais would have fucking put a road sign and a fucking dude would be standing there charging you 300 baht on your way in and I'll put it on every single fucking poster saying you want to come because they want to take your cash.
00:02:27.000 So they're like, oh I discovered this temple, I went here today.
00:02:29.000 Like you just discovered some random shit.
00:02:31.000 There is no random shit.
00:02:32.000 Anything worth anything is advertised to fuck to take your money.
00:02:37.000 To Thailand.
00:02:37.000 To go to Vegas.
00:02:38.000 The road to the temple has shops left and right of it so people can sell you things on the way to the temple.
00:02:52.000 That's what makes the world go round money.
00:02:54.000 Let me tell you one thing local people appreciate people like me who turn up with big bucks and will tip and will spend cash more than they appreciate you Mr. four pound a day for fucking accommodation and food You're a dick and the worst thing about people who come here.
00:03:06.000 It's not even when they're here.
00:03:07.000 It's when they get back Once they get back into the Western world, they start talking shit like oh, you know, and I really learned a lot about myself It was really spiritual and I've made a decision.
00:03:15.000 I've decided I want to be a travel blogger and I don't want to work a nine to five and I'm not the kind of person designed to be stuck in a job.
00:03:22.000 No one wants to work a job.
00:03:24.000 You didn't discover anything that everyone else doesn't fucking know.
00:03:27.000 No one wants to be a fucking plumber nine to five.
00:03:29.000 No one wakes up and goes, yeah, I want to be covered in other people's shit instead of traveling the world.
00:03:32.000 Everyone wants to travel the world.
00:03:34.000 Most people can't.
00:03:35.000 So you didn't realize anything.
00:03:36.000 Then you start writing a travel blog on your Facebook page about, oh, and I did this and I saw the other thing.
00:03:40.000 No one gives a fuck.
00:03:56.000 Thank you.
00:04:03.000 Okay, this little guy tucking into some G-nuts.
00:04:08.000 Five bars of signal.
00:04:10.000 Tempest mystical powers.
00:04:15.000 Less than 1% of those travel bloggers make enough money to travel around the world forever.
00:04:18.000 The rest of you just chat shit and annoy everybody.
00:04:20.000 No one fucking cares.
00:04:21.000 You're never going to be a travel blogger.
00:04:23.000 Go get a normal fucking job.
00:04:24.000 You're a dickhead.
00:04:25.000 Wanker.
00:04:25.000 Who else goes to Spain and comes back and goes, I ate paella with the local people?
00:04:29.000 No one.
00:04:30.000 It's only this fucking place seems to breed morons.
00:04:34.000 and some fucking hippie ass bullshit annoys me.
00:04:37.000 I can't stand, oh I was traveling and I went to this place, that place.
00:04:40.000 Everyone's been everywhere in Thailand.
00:04:42.000 Fuck you.
00:04:43.000 Everyone's been everywhere.
00:04:44.000 Let me tell you something.
00:04:45.000 All your shit cheap experiences I could have and as well as that I also have another experience you don't have called a five-star hotel and clean sheets.
00:04:52.000 So fuck yourself.
00:04:53.000 Tell this, send this out to every fucking traveling dickhead backpacking hippie.
00:04:56.000 On top of that, let me tell you another thing that happens in Thailand while we're on subject.
00:05:00.000 All girls become fucking hoes.
00:05:02.000 This is to all the men out there.
00:05:03.000 If you're thinking, you know what, I want to, I want to I want to bang some chicks that come to Thailand.
00:05:06.000 You haven't got to pay for a Thai girl, trust me.
00:05:08.000 Because there's some blonde chick out here who's finding herself because her fucking boyfriend dumped her and she got a loan off her fucking dad.
00:05:14.000 And she's out here like, oh, I'm just discovering myself.
00:05:16.000 And all you have to do is be 5% fun and 10% interesting for about 33 minutes.
00:05:22.000 And she'll be like, oh, wow, I met someone.
00:05:23.000 Oh, this guy is and I'll leave a real connection.
00:05:25.000 Before she's sucking on your dick and doesn't even know your fucking full name.
00:05:28.000 That's what happens in Thailand.
00:05:29.000 All girls become whores.
00:05:31.000 If I meet a girl in the Western world and I'm sitting there having a date with her, I'm talking to her, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, where you been.
00:05:34.000 And they sit and say to me, Oh, I traveled around Thailand for two years.
00:05:37.000 I'm sitting thinking, okay, that's 10 dicks that have been through you.
00:05:40.000 You don't know who those men are.
00:05:41.000 You probably got chlamydia.
00:05:42.000 You're a fucking bitch.
00:05:43.000 Now I'm sitting here buying your meal for 150 quid when all he had to do was buy you a pad thai for a pound.
00:05:47.000 I'm getting ripped off.
00:05:48.000 You're worth a pound and I'm overpaying.
00:05:50.000 Fuck you.
00:05:51.000 So if you have a daughter or if you have a girlfriend and she wants to go traveling, tell her she's not allowed.
00:05:55.000 She's not allowed to go traveling.
00:05:56.000 Tristan Bang, nine girls in seven days.
00:05:58.000 No prostitutes, nine new girls in seven days.
00:06:01.000 It's out there to the real world.
00:06:02.000 That's what happened.
00:06:03.000 What were their names?
00:06:05.000 They came there to find themselves.
00:06:06.000 They found themselves naked in my bed.
00:06:08.000 They found themselves naked in this five-star hotel.
00:06:10.000 That's all that happened.
00:06:11.000 Fuck Thailand.
00:06:12.000 Fuck the dickhead dudes who come here as well and get a fucking tattoo and do like five days with them Wai Tai and think they're hard and walk around with a fucking Wai Tai vest on.
00:06:19.000 I will kick the fuck out of all of you.
00:06:21.000 Do you know how many times I've woken up pissed up my brain, walked into a fighter's gym full of people who are going running every single morning and even though I stink of vodka, just beating the shit out of them all.
00:06:28.000 Well, that was an adventure.
00:06:30.000 Back on the air-conditioned bus.
00:06:33.000 I haven't been to many places easier to get.
00:06:35.000 To than this place.
00:06:37.000 You want mystery and intrepid travel?
00:06:39.000 Try the fucking London Underground.
00:06:41.000 You ever seen a tube map?
00:06:43.000 I fucking hate this place.
00:06:44.000 I fucking hate Thailand.
00:06:45.000 You piss me off.
00:06:46.000 Don't talk about Chang again.