00:02:04.000The name Monte Cristo is inspired by the famous French novel The Count of Monte Cristo, which is about an innocent man who was sent to prison for a crime he didn't commit, making this the perfect cigar brand for all of us career criminals out there.
00:02:22.000The initial impression of smoking the Monte Cristo Linnea is a lot like when you take a girl home who's been wearing a very impressive push-up bra.
00:02:31.000You expect a lot from it, but when push comes to shove it just doesn't impress.
00:02:39.000Monte Cristo is famously the favorite cigar brand of rapper and music producer Jay-Z.0.98
00:02:44.000So if you're an ugly guy and you want an attractive woman, this is the cigar for you.0.96
00:02:53.000This time around I've paired this cigar with a Jack Daniels single barrel malt whiskey.0.99
00:02:57.000The reason being is I don't know how to pair drinks and cigars, but I bloody love whiskey.0.96
00:03:10.000The reason I think cigars help you get beautiful women is not just because they look cool, but women love nothing more than when you take a big puff of smoke and blow it in their face.0.87
00:03:23.000Now, I smoke around four cigars a week.
00:03:25.000If I were to switch to these, my weekly cigar budget would be around $100.
00:03:30.000I understand that's a little bit expensive for your typical cigar smoker, but these are perfect to celebrate a birthday, an anniversary, or the death of your mother-in-law.
00:03:41.000I find it absolutely fascinating how all cigars are made of the same tobacco leaves, but they're all slightly different and unique in their own way.
00:03:49.000It's amazing how versatile this plant is, very much like the internet.
00:03:53.000It's one single tool, but you can use it for a variation of purposes.
00:03:57.000Trolling celebrities, stalking ex-girlfriends, or hiring assassins from the dark web.
00:04:07.000The word linea actually means line in Spanish and Latin.
00:04:13.000Because halfway through this cigar, I have nothing else interesting to say about it.1.00
00:04:19.000If this cigar were a woman, it would be a 9 out of 10 blonde standing at the bar.0.97
00:04:24.000Sure, it's a bit boring to begin with and you have to talk to her for hours and hours, but once you get into the action of it, it's pretty good.0.96
00:04:36.000Bill Clinton's favourite brand of cigar is Romeo and Julieta.
00:04:40.000But you know what he gets up to when Hillary's out of town?
00:04:46.000What did you think I was going to say?
00:04:52.000This Monte Cristo Linnea reminds me of a good piece of 1980s pornography.
00:04:57.000It starts off very dull, but it gets better as you go along.
00:05:01.000Right now I'm just about past the point where the plumbers pretended to finish fixing the washing machine.
00:05:07.000In my home country of the UK, it is now illegal to smoke a cigarette or cigar with your children inside.
00:05:14.000So before you light one of these up, it takes a very long time to burn, make sure you give your kids a coat before you kick them outside to wait.
00:05:22.000As I come to the end of this cigar, I'm ever so slightly disappointed.
00:05:26.000It's much like being in a nightclub thinking you had a great time and the lights coming on at the end to reveal that you were standing in front of a six the entire time.
00:05:35.000I'm going to rate this cigar a six and a half.
00:05:38.000Good enough to enjoy in the privacy of your own home.
00:05:41.000but you wouldn't introduce it to your friends.
00:05:44.000Thank you for joining me on this installment of Talisman Reviews.