Tate Speech - March 14, 2025


VIVA LAS VEGAS | Tate Confidential Ep 276


Episode Stats

Length

16 minutes

Words per Minute

168.8666

Word Count

2,806

Sentence Count

429

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

8


Summary

Tristan and Luke are on a mission to find out if their significant other is gay, but it turns out, it's not so simple. They also get into a heated argument about who has the right to eat the last piece of chocolate chip cookie.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Didn't say who, no!
00:00:00.000 You have the right to eat, princess.
00:00:03.000 You can't be throwing money everywhere.
00:00:05.000 You're just going to lose all your money.
00:00:07.000 Tonight and I are loops dressed like this.
00:00:09.000 Bailey slept with five men in the backseat of an escalator.
00:00:18.000 It certainly doesn't sound good, but Tristan...
00:00:20.000 You were trying to sleep with me, but I wouldn't sleep with you back.
00:00:24.000 It's true, you didn't sleep in the back.
00:00:26.000 If someone else slept with you, they'd be gay too.
00:00:28.000 But you were just attempting to sleep with five men in the backseat of an escalator.
00:00:31.000 None of those men were interested in sleeping with you.
00:00:33.000 So American paparazzi are real.
00:00:35.000 They're super real.
00:00:36.000 These drivers are driving like mad men just to keep up with us.
00:00:40.000 Just to take pictures of you guys.
00:00:41.000 No, no, no.
00:00:42.000 They want a picture of your mustache.
00:00:43.000 They're actually ice and they're here to deport you because that mustache makes you look guamalic.
00:00:47.000 They can't be here to deport me.
00:00:49.000 They're here to deport me.
00:00:50.000 That's not why they're here.
00:00:51.000 Luke, it's guys you were talking about.
00:00:52.000 I know.
00:00:53.000 They're here.
00:00:54.000 They're here for your job, Bailey.
00:00:56.000 Do any of you two want this?
00:00:57.000 Yes or no.
00:00:58.000 Is this a thing?
00:00:58.000 Do you want to film me or take things?
00:01:00.000 I'll hurt you my own eyes.
00:01:01.000 Is this a thing?
00:01:03.000 He can handle it.
00:01:05.000 I saved it.
00:01:06.000 Luke, there are two distinct realities.
00:01:08.000 There are two versions of the universe.
00:01:10.000 In one of those universes, I finished this pack of Oreos.
00:01:13.000 In the other universe, I don't.
00:01:15.000 And they're completely different.
00:01:17.000 They head in completely different opposite directions.
00:01:18.000 Everything will be different.
00:01:19.000 Nothing will be the same.
00:01:21.000 So I am in charge of your future and your fate and your life.
00:01:24.000 Leaving this one Oreo in the packet, on the table, will change things.
00:01:28.000 It will.
00:01:29.000 Someone's going to have to come and clean it up.
00:01:31.000 And that person might be five minutes later driving home from work.
00:01:34.000 And then there'll be an accident because of it.
00:01:35.000 Someone might die because of you, Luke.
00:01:37.000 The consequence is I am in charge of your fate and your future, depending on whether I eat this last Oreo or not.
00:01:44.000 You can't say the Oreo or not.
00:01:46.000 I've decided to not eat the last Oreo.
00:01:49.000 That is the future you're forced to live.
00:01:52.000 Luke, you're forced to live.
00:01:53.000 Here it is.
00:01:54.000 You're forced to live in that future.
00:01:57.000 What are you going to do about it?
00:01:59.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:02:00.000 If you eat that Oreo, that's a different future than if you don't.
00:02:02.000 Be careful.
00:02:05.000 It'll change everything.
00:02:06.000 Which one's better?
00:02:08.000 Be careful.
00:02:09.000 If you don't eat it, or you eat it, the people who watch this clip, millions of people around the world are going to watch it instead of watching something else, and it's going to change the trajectory of all of their lives.
00:02:16.000 You're affecting the entire planet, depending on whether you eat that Oreo or not.
00:02:19.000 You need to think carefully.
00:02:20.000 It says fucking calm down and think about your actions.
00:02:23.000 This is stupid.
00:02:25.000 But I'm kidding.
00:02:26.000 If I now lose at gambling in Vegas...
00:02:28.000 It was because of that Oreo.
00:02:30.000 Good.
00:02:30.000 From now on, every problem in our life that we're going to have in this new universe is because Luke ate the Oreo.
00:02:39.000 My footage is going to go and take confidential.
00:02:41.000 I'm not going to let his in.
00:02:43.000 His is going to be super high quality, but it won't have my comments.
00:02:47.000 No narration.
00:02:48.000 They knew you were coming.
00:03:12.000 Yeah, why is it going to do with Bailey?
00:03:15.000 Yeah.
00:03:17.000 while showing them to the camera.
00:03:18.000 You said you to the camera.
00:03:21.000 Why is Dustin here?
00:03:22.000 He's a shit character.
00:03:23.000 Because I'm nuts.
00:03:28.000 Sorry, that was a little corny.
00:03:33.000 What's fun in Vegas?
00:03:34.000 A lot.
00:03:34.000 Tell me.
00:03:35.000 A lot.
00:03:35.000 Well, you want to shoot guns?
00:03:37.000 Sure, shoot guns.
00:03:38.000 You promised we're going to blow shit up.
00:03:39.000 We can blow shit up.
00:03:40.000 Let's blow shit up.
00:03:42.000 What else do you want to do?
00:03:42.000 UFC. Power slap.
00:03:44.000 Tonight, if you want to gamble, it's a good night to gamble.
00:03:47.000 Are you lucky?
00:03:49.000 I could be lucky.
00:03:50.000 I keep getting criminal cases, but I don't go to jail, so I don't know if I'm lucky or I'm lucky.
00:03:53.000 How many push-ups per day if we go to the bin right now together?
00:03:56.000 At least a thousand.
00:03:57.000 At least.
00:04:00.000 Be good for you.
00:04:01.000 Remember my speech on our podcast?
00:04:03.000 What do you guys want to do?
00:04:04.000 Hang out.
00:04:05.000 Watch the fights.
00:04:06.000 Big Pereira fan.
00:04:07.000 Everyone knows he's one of the best to ever do it.
00:04:10.000 Never been to a UFC event?
00:04:12.000 Funny.
00:04:13.000 Well, my invites started coming after I got arrested.
00:04:17.000 Yeah, I came in to check out the UFC, that's gonna be good.
00:04:19.000 Simulation, I'm going to fucking Vegas.
00:04:21.000 Fuck the AGs, fuck the governors who don't like me.
00:04:24.000 I'm not a criminal, I'm a US citizen.
00:04:26.000 And I have a constitutional right to eat breakfast.
00:04:32.000 He snaked you.
00:04:35.000 You can't just accept that.
00:04:36.000 Just like moving on.
00:04:38.000 Soft.
00:04:44.000 These are excellent.
00:04:46.000 I paid for the jet.
00:04:51.000 I paid for these snacks.
00:04:53.000 You might think this is a waste of money, but it's actually an investment.
00:04:56.000 So I'm about to win it all back.
00:04:58.000 Times a hundred.
00:04:59.000 Double a dollar.
00:05:00.000 Just one time.
00:05:03.000 Times 30. Hear me out.
00:05:05.000 One time.
00:05:05.000 Double it once.
00:05:06.000 Times 30. You'll be a multi-multi-millionaire.
00:05:09.000 Hundreds of millions.
00:05:10.000 Billions of dollars.
00:05:11.000 So my plan is, because the thing is, if you put it all on black, it's never going to be black 30 times in a row.
00:05:15.000 It's never going to be red 30 times in a row.
00:05:17.000 But every single time, it is a mix of black and red.
00:05:21.000 You see where I'm going here?
00:05:22.000 So what I'm going to do is I'm going to mix it between black and red and double it until I've made hundreds of millions of dollars.
00:05:28.000 I walk in.
00:05:29.000 $1.
00:05:29.000 Slots.
00:05:30.000 Hit the jackpot.
00:05:31.000 $10,000.
00:05:32.000 Double it at blackjack.
00:05:34.000 $20,000.
00:05:35.000 A few rounds of baccarat.
00:05:37.000 Then I'm up at $160.
00:05:38.000 I take the $160.
00:05:39.000 I walk over to the roulette table.
00:05:41.000 It's going to be 20 grand on black or red.
00:05:44.000 Double that multiple times until I hit the craps table and bring it home for the multi-million.
00:05:49.000 You're just going to lose all your money.
00:05:51.000 This is not going to happen.
00:05:52.000 No, no, Luke.
00:05:53.000 He didn't hear his plan.
00:05:54.000 At no point during his plan did he mention losing.
00:05:56.000 No, but...
00:05:57.000 No, no, he didn't hear his plan.
00:05:58.000 He walks in.
00:05:59.000 He doesn't plan.
00:06:00.000 Walking?
00:06:01.000 Slots.
00:06:02.000 I know.
00:06:02.000 Ten cents.
00:06:03.000 Money gone.
00:06:04.000 Win.
00:06:04.000 Have to get more.
00:06:05.000 No, but that's the thing.
00:06:06.000 The number is starting with one dollar.
00:06:08.000 I have millions to start the process today.
00:06:11.000 With millions of tries, I'm bound to quit.
00:06:14.000 It sounds to me like you've gone through your life just losing.
00:06:16.000 I've been to the casino with you guys.
00:06:18.000 I've seen you lose money.
00:06:20.000 What happened?
00:06:20.000 You lost.
00:06:21.000 How come we're still rich?
00:06:23.000 They're gonna lose.
00:06:25.000 This isn't scientific.
00:06:27.000 It's not a plan.
00:06:28.000 Do you even have a dollar?
00:06:30.000 I don't even believe they have a dollar to start the plan.
00:06:33.000 You can't be throwing money everywhere.
00:06:37.000 You can't keep throwing hundreds of dollars around.
00:06:41.000 This is stupid.
00:06:44.000 My turn.
00:07:05.000 Red!
00:07:09.000 So you gotta mix these two up.
00:07:13.000 He goes first.
00:07:14.000 He goes first, but it's red.
00:07:17.000 Okay.
00:07:19.000 Tristan, decide who gets what card.
00:07:20.000 Yeah.
00:07:20.000 Luke.
00:07:21.000 Luke.
00:07:25.000 Reverse.
00:07:25.000 Daddy needs like another guy.
00:07:28.000 Reverse.
00:07:28.000 Return.
00:07:29.000 Skip.
00:07:30.000 Draw two.
00:07:31.000 Didn't say uno.
00:07:34.000 Pick up two.
00:07:39.000 Okay.
00:07:39.000 Okay.
00:07:40.000 So now it's my turn?
00:07:41.000 That's pathetic.
00:07:42.000 That was his turn.
00:07:43.000 That was real pathetic.
00:07:44.000 Uno.
00:07:45.000 Okay.
00:07:46.000 Plus two.
00:07:48.000 Never lost a game.
00:07:54.000 I have to never lost a game.
00:07:56.000 I have never lost a game of UNO.
00:08:00.000 Sorry.
00:08:00.000 I've never seen a faggot fumble that badly.
00:08:04.000 I was ready for you.
00:08:06.000 I went nuclear.
00:08:07.000 I did the shuffle.
00:08:09.000 I took you out.
00:08:10.000 I mean, I got you.
00:08:11.000 You got me.
00:08:12.000 Because I didn't say Udo.
00:08:12.000 I got myself I did it You ain't nothing but a Dog, play it I get it Fro, play it I get it I understand, I understand You ain't the man
00:08:40.000 You ain't nothing but a But I can't do it I'm not a We were Las Vegas.
00:08:52.000 Escaped Communist Florida.
00:08:53.000 A very warm welcome here.
00:08:55.000 Thank you very much.
00:08:56.000 Cigars are ready and everything.
00:08:57.000 We have food.
00:08:58.000 Would you like a grape?
00:09:00.000 Would you like a grape?
00:09:01.000 Grape sounds nice.
00:09:02.000 Yeah, well, I can't have one.
00:09:03.000 I mean, I shouldn't know.
00:09:05.000 War.
00:09:07.000 Skills.
00:09:10.000 This is the two-bedroom suite.
00:09:11.000 Most importantly, we have Smash Bros on the projector so I can bust you up any time.
00:09:14.000 I guess you would call this the communal meeting and seating area.
00:09:19.000 For all my friends I don't have.
00:09:21.000 It's like the coolest hotel room I've ever stayed in.
00:09:24.000 Got my bed here.
00:09:26.000 Let me just quickly, one, two, three.
00:09:30.000 About four bitches.
00:09:34.000 So, you know, I have to downsize because I'm traveling.
00:09:37.000 I'm traveling.
00:09:38.000 Some would say I'm living the dream.
00:09:40.000 Imagine.
00:09:42.000 From being locked up in jail.
00:09:45.000 Everyone told me I'd be there for years.
00:09:46.000 I was locked in my house and all of a sudden I'm here.
00:09:50.000 Strange twist of fate, you could argue, huh?
00:09:53.000 Many people would think I feel strange.
00:09:55.000 They'd say, wow, it must be such a weird change.
00:09:56.000 You're all of a sudden in these amazing places after being locked up for so long.
00:09:59.000 How does it feel?
00:10:03.000 Normal.
00:10:04.000 Because I deserve it.
00:10:05.000 I'm a good person.
00:10:06.000 He's done nothing wrong.
00:10:07.000 I'm feeling lucky, Bailey.
00:10:08.000 So give me a budget.
00:10:10.000 Between $300,000 and $500,000.
00:10:14.000 To gamble today.
00:10:16.000 Split it right down the middle.
00:10:17.000 What's in the middle?
00:10:17.000 400,000.
00:10:18.000 400. Let's fucking go.
00:10:21.000 Let's go.
00:10:25.000 Alright, let's do it.
00:10:27.000 Are you ready to let the dogs out?
00:10:29.000 It's tonight and I... Don't lose dressed like this.
00:10:33.000 What was the quote?
00:10:34.000 It's not gambling when you know you're going to win.
00:10:36.000 You're damn right.
00:10:37.000 Look who made it.
00:10:39.000 Luke's here.
00:10:41.000 Luke's here.
00:10:41.000 No one cares I'm here.
00:10:42.000 Where's the charger?
00:10:45.000 Luke, it's not time to work.
00:10:47.000 It's time to gamble.
00:10:48.000 I super need to work.
00:10:49.000 Don't I hand-dress to talk to his cousin?
00:10:50.000 No, but why?
00:10:52.000 Because sometimes in life you just have to do what you have to do.
00:10:55.000 Okay, what's the upside?
00:10:56.000 Listen, Luke, you ate the Oreo.
00:10:58.000 If you didn't eat the Oreo, you could have stayed in.
00:11:00.000 You chose this path.
00:11:01.000 You chose this destiny.
00:11:03.000 So fucking live it.
00:11:04.000 Get up and let's go.
00:11:06.000 Are you ready to let the dogs out?
00:11:08.000 No.
00:11:08.000 You're not a liar.
00:11:09.000 No, I'm not ready to let the dogs out.
00:11:11.000 Here, have a gummy bear.
00:11:13.000 Calm down.
00:11:14.000 Let's fucking go.
00:11:14.000 I need a lighter.
00:11:15.000 The dog should stay inside.
00:11:17.000 You want a lighter?
00:11:19.000 No, I was waiting for Bailey to cuck.
00:11:21.000 You can smoke on the casino floor or in the room.
00:11:24.000 You can't smoke in the hallway.
00:11:24.000 So if you like that, you can't smoke.
00:11:26.000 Watch me.
00:11:27.000 Okay.
00:11:29.000 Fucking watch me.
00:11:31.000 Fucking smell me.
00:11:34.000 Nigger.
00:11:35.000 Ron DeSantis.
00:11:37.000 Andrew smokes in hallways.
00:11:44.000 I want some killers, my niggas a lot up in shoes.
00:11:48.000 100,000 on the coupe, yeah, yeah.
00:11:55.000 I want some killers, my niggas a lot up in shoes, yeah, yeah.
00:11:58.000 I'm still having bikes with some demons, don't know what to do, yeah, yeah.
00:12:01.000 I did some shit in the streets, mama, you never knew.
00:12:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:06.000 Hundred thousand on the coupe, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:08.000 I want some killers, my niggas, and load up and shoot.
00:12:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:12.000 I'm stabbing back to some demons don't know what to do.
00:12:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:15.000 I did some shit in the streets, mama, you never knew.
00:12:17.000 Luke, I can't believe we make it billions.
00:12:18.000 What are you doing?
00:12:19.000 I'm busy in the real world.
00:12:21.000 Why are you in the real world when you're gambling making billions?
00:12:25.000 None of this is important.
00:12:27.000 The real world's worth it.
00:12:29.000 Well, I made six grand.
00:12:30.000 I'm just gonna make it.
00:12:32.000 Six means three thousand.
00:12:34.000 I've spoken to loads of students, and it meant I had no part of it.
00:12:38.000 The real world might be more funding than this.
00:12:40.000 It is.
00:12:41.000 It genuinely is.
00:12:42.000 If I made $6,000, I don't care about it at all.
00:12:44.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:12:47.000 What does $6,000 mean?
00:12:48.000 Nothing.
00:12:48.000 I should have 10X'd.
00:12:49.000 I should have 100X'd.
00:12:50.000 I should have made $600,000.
00:12:52.000 Have you learned nothing from the trenches?
00:12:54.000 Even that I wouldn't care.
00:12:55.000 Yeah.
00:12:55.000 I'm having a spiritual crisis.
00:12:57.000 And I think the source of my spiritual crisis is the Oreo.
00:13:00.000 It's not the Oreo.
00:13:01.000 That you ate.
00:13:02.000 If you didn't eat that Oreo, I wouldn't be talking about it right now.
00:13:05.000 Everything would be completely different.
00:13:06.000 Maybe we'd be doing something else much more fun.
00:13:08.000 No, because then you'd be complaining about the fact that I didn't.
00:13:12.000 Let's fight, Luke.
00:13:13.000 No.
00:13:14.000 Admit that in a different parallel universe where I didn't eat the Oreo.
00:13:17.000 This would be worse.
00:13:18.000 You might have to fight.
00:13:19.000 You don't have to.
00:13:20.000 I'm just trying to find solutions.
00:13:21.000 There's no solution to an Oreo that would be...
00:13:23.000 Solution Oriental.
00:13:25.000 It was an Oreo.
00:13:26.000 One Oreo.
00:13:27.000 It's the perfect time for you guys to sit down.
00:13:30.000 Sparkling water.
00:13:31.000 Sparkling water?
00:13:31.000 Do you want ice with that or just...
00:13:32.000 Yes, please.
00:13:33.000 On the rocks.
00:13:33.000 Sounds cooler, right?
00:13:34.000 Rocks.
00:13:35.000 Decaut took all my money.
00:13:37.000 Every penny.
00:13:39.000 Ron DeSantis next.
00:13:42.000 Motherfuckers.
00:13:43.000 Do you have any idea how rich I'd be if they would've just left me alone these last few years?
00:13:46.000 Jesus Christ, I must be 100 million down.
00:13:48.000 See how Andy goes.
00:13:49.000 Oh, I'm gonna lose.
00:13:50.000 Thank you, sir.
00:13:51.000 Thank you, appreciate it.
00:13:53.000 Andy's gonna lose, don't worry.
00:13:55.000 We're not very lucky gamblers.
00:13:57.000 Watch this now.
00:13:58.000 Fourteen.
00:14:00.000 Fourteen against an ace.
00:14:02.000 He made me do it.
00:14:05.000 Kyle, listen.
00:14:06.000 My mother doesn't get a Christmas present because Ed, you lose all of our money.
00:14:09.000 That's all we got.
00:14:11.000 - Blame Kyle.
00:14:12.000 - There you go.
00:14:18.000 - Come on. - All right. - You're five grand up, you're done.
00:14:21.000 Just like you said he would.
00:14:23.000 His plan was to win.
00:14:25.000 Time 30. I bet he won his first bet.
00:14:29.000 You won your first spin, Tristan.
00:14:32.000 Luke, he's going to do it 29 more times in a row.
00:14:34.000 He's now up like 25 grand.
00:14:36.000 I said he was going to get that one.
00:14:37.000 No, you said he's going to lose it all, and now he's made the average person's yearly wage in two minutes.
00:14:43.000 Can you accept what's happened?
00:14:45.000 It's fine.
00:14:46.000 I'm happy.
00:14:47.000 Tristan, I'm happy.
00:14:48.000 Can you accept what's happened to you?
00:14:50.000 Bailey, he's not going to make a billion dollars.
00:14:52.000 He's going to make a billion.
00:14:53.000 He's up 50 grand.
00:14:54.000 At this rate, he stays up all night.
00:14:56.000 He just won again.
00:14:57.000 And your fucking cousin is heartbroken.
00:15:03.000 Don't cry.
00:15:05.000 Don't cry.
00:15:06.000 Luke, we told you what's going to happen.
00:15:08.000 He's going to win 30 times in a row.
00:15:10.000 I did.
00:15:10.000 I did.
00:15:14.000 I was wrong.
00:15:15.000 It's not gambling if you know you're going to win.
00:15:18.000 So did I gamble?
00:15:20.000 No.
00:15:21.000 You just won.
00:15:22.000 And I made like $17,000, $18,000.
00:15:24.000 You came in, made $17,000.
00:15:26.000 I fully can see.
00:15:28.000 Because I told Tristan, and I told Andrew, and I said we should go.
00:15:33.000 I said we should go.
00:15:35.000 And then if they listen to me, if I... No, I did eat Oreo, so maybe this is actually all because of me, Tristan.
00:15:43.000 Tristan, you know what?
00:15:43.000 I ate the Oreo, didn't I? Wait a second, Bailey.
00:15:46.000 Bailey, you remember when I ate the cookie, right?
00:15:48.000 The last cookie I ate, the last Oreo.
00:15:51.000 Remember I split the timeline in two?
00:15:53.000 It's compelling.
00:15:55.000 If he had not eaten the cookie or not eaten the cookie, it would have changed the numbers.
00:15:59.000 That second delay.
00:16:01.000 We would have been here at a different time.
00:16:03.000 Different spin, different wind in the air.
00:16:05.000 It's basically his money.
00:16:08.000 Basically, Tristan, you might as well owe me.
00:16:09.000 I'm pretty jet-lagged, my brother wants to go to sleep.
00:16:12.000 Bro, how much you down?
00:16:14.000 No, I'm not doing this.
00:16:16.000 I'm not doing this.
00:16:18.000 Happy birthday, bro.
00:16:18.000 I'm not, no.
00:16:19.000 28. Happy birthday, happy birthday.
00:16:21.000 I ain't touching it again.
00:16:23.000 Happy birthday, bro.
00:16:24.000 Now you go lose that.
00:16:26.000 That's God.
00:16:27.000 Thank you so much, bro.
00:16:27.000 I got you, G. Don't worry, man.
00:16:29.000 Happy birthday.
00:16:30.000 Yeah, we're jet-lagged, man.
00:16:30.000 We might hit the hype.
00:16:31.000 No, we're gonna go sleep, too.
00:16:33.000 Isn't that as gay as it gets?
00:16:35.000 It was always going to be us in the end, wasn't it?