The Charlie Kirk Show - Tough Love with Charlie and Erika Kirk

00:00:00.000 Hey, everybody.

00:00:01.000 A conversation with my wife, Erica Kirk, about dating, marriage, and relationships.

00:00:06.000 Now, some of this you might find very offensive, especially if you are in your 30s as a female and you're unmarried.

00:00:12.000 If you find it offensive, then that's more of a problem with you than with what we say, because what we just say is true, and maybe you need to hear it.

00:00:18.000 It's hard truth speaking plainly in love so that maybe the Holy Spirit wants you to hear that.

00:00:24.000 So that is your warning.

00:00:25.000 So enjoy the conversation.

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00:01:12.000 Enjoy this conversation.

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00:01:19.000 Buckle up, everybody.

00:01:20.000 Here, we go.

00:01:21.000 Charlie, what you've done is incredible here.

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00:02:03.000 Okay, everybody, welcome to the special conversation with my wife, Erica Kirk.

00:02:07.000 Hi.

00:02:08.000 Brought to you by Bibleand365.com and Proclaim Streetwear.

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00:02:14.000 Right?

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00:02:21.000 So we're here to answer people's questions about dating.

00:02:24.000 Right.

00:02:24.000 It's like ask the Kirks about marriage.

00:02:26.000 I don't know if people can handle the truth, though.

00:02:29.000 So we'll see.

00:02:30.000 I think they can.

00:02:31.000 I don't know.

00:02:32.000 It's tough love, right?

00:02:34.000 Do you want to start off with a softball or do you want to start off with...

00:02:36.000 Sure, a softball is fine.

00:02:38.000 Does your husband ever cook dinner?

00:02:41.000 Very rarely.

00:02:43.000 No.

00:02:44.000 You've cooked once.

00:02:45.000 I think once.

00:02:46.000 The man should not be cooking, though.

00:02:48.000 I understand.

00:02:49.000 I mean, every now and then it'd be nice, but that's my domain.

00:02:54.000 I guess that's the wife's job. 1.00

00:02:56.000 I think so too.

00:02:58.000 How do you find real men of God who follow Jesus first and with their whole heart and lives?

00:03:03.000 You answer that.

00:03:05.000 Well, first you have to pray to God for him to reveal him, reveal your future husband to you.

00:03:11.000 But also, I think you need to be focusing on digging into the word and getting your life together.

00:03:16.000 Don't you agree? 0.99

00:03:18.000 Yeah, I mean, a lot of women are quite trashy, actually. 1.00

00:03:18.000 Yeah, of course. 1.00

00:03:22.000 And they're looking around for men, and it's like you're dressing.

00:03:26.000 Well, you're dressing for a different demographic than you're looking for.

00:03:29.000 Yeah, is what you're meaning.

00:03:30.000 They don't act with piety or with purity.

00:03:34.000 And so men want what they can't find or they can't see. 0.71

00:03:38.000 So keep that in mind.

00:03:40.000 Leave something to the imagination.

00:03:43.000 Yeah, and just don't act with trash and don't act. 0.92

00:03:48.000 Be classy. 0.57

00:03:49.000 Be a lady. 0.87

00:03:50.000 Yeah, don't act like a feminist. 1.00

00:03:54.000 I'm sorry.

00:03:55.000 These are great data.

00:03:57.000 We have to tell the truth.

00:03:58.000 Okay, we have to tell the truth.

00:03:59.000 We're not going to do Patty Cake Christian podcast where people are like, it's all going to work.

00:03:59.000 That's why they're asking me to do that.

00:04:04.000 Go get them. 0.93

00:04:04.000 Like, no, just stop looking like a bum. 0.93

00:04:07.000 Brush your hair. 0.79

00:04:08.000 Yeah, wash your hair, lose some weight.

00:04:10.000 Brush your teeth.

00:04:12.000 Eat healthy.

00:04:13.000 Yeah.

00:04:13.000 Take your vitamins.

00:04:15.000 I am considering dating my best friend, but I am afraid to ruin the relationship.

00:04:19.000 Well, women shouldn't have best male friends. 1.00

00:04:22.000 So does she mean like she's a lesbian? 0.60

00:04:25.000 I don't think she's a lesbian if she's submitting these through my Instagram. 0.67

00:04:29.000 Well, maybe she is.

00:04:31.000 But women shouldn't have male friends. 1.00

00:04:34.000 You're saying in a relationship, a woman shouldn't have a male friend.

00:04:34.000 Okay.

00:04:38.000 Just in general, I think it's really unhealthy.

00:04:40.000 So if I was single and you were single, you wouldn't be my friend because I'm not allowed to have male friends.

00:04:48.000 Usually it ends up the man is gay because all really men want is a relationship.

00:04:53.000 Like an idea of a man having a female friend, it's all a facade. 1.00

00:04:57.000 So you're saying that obviously the male is friends with you for a reason.

00:05:01.000 Yeah, he wants to be with you romantically.

00:05:03.000 Yeah.

00:05:03.000 But not every male feels that way.

00:05:08.000 Some males might feel like, oh, you're like a sister to me.

00:05:12.000 That's what they might say. 0.90

00:05:14.000 Put in your head when they say that that means they're gay. 0.98

00:05:18.000 Well, they might have homosexual tendencies. 0.99

00:05:20.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:05:21.000 If they want to be your friend.

00:05:23.000 I don't, like, real men don't have female friends.

00:05:27.000 Okay.

00:05:28.000 They might have acquaintances, like people you know, but like real deep friendship.

00:05:32.000 You're saying like a super, super best friend.

00:05:34.000 Yes.

00:05:34.000 Okay.

00:05:35.000 That's what she said.

00:05:35.000 Best friend.

00:05:36.000 So either that guy is obviously gay, which women feel comfortable with. 0.98

00:05:36.000 So you're saying. 0.98

00:05:40.000 Right.

00:05:41.000 And gay men enjoy female friends, which is a thing.

00:05:44.000 That's fine.

00:05:45.000 Or he's only doing that because he actually wants it to lead to romance.

00:05:49.000 So should she take the.

00:05:52.000 Yeah, but I don't know if, again, I don't know if she's a lesbian or not. 1.00

00:05:56.000 Okay, so if she's not a lesbian, then maybe. 1.00

00:05:59.000 Yeah, of course.

00:06:00.000 What are you waiting for?

00:06:02.000 There we go.

00:06:03.000 There we go.

00:06:04.000 Okay.

00:06:05.000 How to start a new relationship in a godly way as a teen girl.

00:06:09.000 I don't think you should have, I don't think you should be focusing on relationships when you're a teen.

00:06:14.000 Well, definitely.

00:06:15.000 Save yourself your marriage.

00:06:17.000 It depends what teen is it?

00:06:19.000 17, 18?

00:06:20.000 I don't know.

00:06:21.000 I was so focused on basketball, like playing in college.

00:06:24.000 I was not in school.

00:06:25.000 I was not thinking about teen girl answers are all you.

00:06:29.000 I don't know.

00:06:31.000 God bless our daughter. 1.00

00:06:33.000 How do you know if you just haven't met the right person or if you need personal growth?

00:06:40.000 That's a good question.

00:06:41.000 Everyone needs personal growth.

00:06:42.000 Yeah, that's one of the big problems is that, you know, I get these emails from these 33-year-old cat ladies that are really angry they don't have a man. 1.00

00:06:49.000 It's like, have you spent time getting smarter, getting fitter, growing deeper in the word, becoming more interesting, become funnier, becoming wiser?

00:06:57.000 Everyone can grow, men and women.

00:06:58.000 Right.

00:06:59.000 And so if you don't have a partner, it's because of you.

00:07:02.000 It's not because of the world.

00:07:04.000 And they're like, oh, the men are gone or the world's against me.

00:07:06.000 You're not trying hard enough, honey.

00:07:07.000 I'm sorry.

00:07:08.000 You're just not putting enough commitment into it.

00:07:12.000 Okay.

00:07:13.000 So.

00:07:14.000 It's about personal growth.

00:07:14.000 So it's you.

00:07:16.000 It's about showing up, going to church, making yourself available, making yourself as attractive as possible.

00:07:21.000 Putting yourself in positions of...

00:07:22.000 Yes, making yourself interesting, reading books, listening to podcasts, becoming, you know, really aware of current events, right?

00:07:28.000 Like really understanding how, you know, you work as a physical being, right?

00:07:35.000 And you know.

00:07:36.000 But I think you should always have personal growth.

00:07:38.000 Like even if you're, even if you haven't, okay, you haven't met the right person, but even when you do meet the right person, like both of us are really big on constant improvement.

00:07:48.000 Yeah, if you're not growing, you're dying.

00:07:49.000 And Tony Robbins talks about this a lot, who I like, who he isn't outspokenly Christian, but he is a Christian.

00:07:54.000 Right.

00:07:55.000 Quotes the Bible a lot, which is that if you aren't growing, you're going to be depressed.

00:07:59.000 One of the main reasons why people are depressed or anxious is they're not growing.

00:08:03.000 And so you have to set goals for yourself, like physical fitness goals, or reading the books, or learning a language.

00:08:09.000 And that literally is actually what triggers dopamine, which is the reward molecule.

00:08:13.000 Totally.

00:08:14.000 Or putting yourself in social positions that might make you uncomfortable, like going to a new Bible study.

00:08:18.000 Yes, yes, exactly.

00:08:19.000 Or meeting new people.

00:08:20.000 I mean, and so you have to know what is good for you and then commit yourself to that.

00:08:24.000 If you think you've already reached your destination at 25, well, then of course you'd be depressed.

00:08:29.000 And that's why we have so many kids committing suicide and so many kids on drugs is they don't make personal growth a priority for their own life.

00:08:37.000 I agree.

00:08:39.000 How to know when you have found the one?

00:08:43.000 You know.

00:08:44.000 If you're asking the question, then you don't know.

00:08:47.000 No, it's so true.

00:08:48.000 If you're asking if that person's the one, then you haven't found the one.

00:08:50.000 That's right.

00:08:52.000 I knew.

00:08:53.000 So did I. You grilled me at Billsburger.

00:08:56.000 And you passed the test.

00:08:56.000 I did.

00:09:00.000 Oh, man.

00:09:01.000 That was great.

00:09:02.000 Okay.

00:09:04.000 Please talk about missionary dating or thinking you can win someone over to Christ.

00:09:11.000 Very bad idea.

00:09:12.000 I think so too.

00:09:14.000 Do not date to change them.

00:09:16.000 That's a really bad idea.

00:09:19.000 It could be different if you're dating them and you're like, oh, we can up your wardrobe.

00:09:22.000 But if you're trying to like completely change them.

00:09:25.000 No, baby, you were fine.

00:09:26.000 You were great.

00:09:28.000 We just needed to enhance a few things.

00:09:29.000 Shoes.

00:09:30.000 A little tighter fit of clothes.

00:09:30.000 There we go.

00:09:32.000 No, but you have to have the same worldview of the person you want to marry.

00:09:35.000 So dating is not a recreation.

00:09:37.000 So if you're recreationally dating and you're like, oh, I can change you, you're dating for the wrong reason.

00:09:42.000 Right, because that parlays into another question about interfaith marriage.

00:09:46.000 Bad idea.

00:09:46.000 Like Catholic and a Jew was an example.

00:09:48.000 Do not do that.

00:09:49.000 Catholic and Protestant can work because the big things are in agreement, but even that at times can be really tough.

00:09:55.000 Right, because then you're dealing with baptism.

00:09:57.000 Yeah, I mean, you have to if you do not agree on heaven, hell, redemption, sin, the scriptures, which Catholics and Protestants largely agree, there's some big disagreements, then you should not marry that person.

00:10:08.000 You should absolutely break up and find somebody else.

00:10:10.000 Do not try to change them either.

00:10:12.000 Because they'll always either fake change.

00:10:15.000 If it's a true conversion, great, but that's very rare.

00:10:18.000 Or it's a fake change, or they'll change with resentment.

00:10:21.000 I was going to say they'll resent and then they'll decidedly resent it.

00:10:24.000 But then they'll hold it over to you as soon as there's a conflict.

00:10:26.000 Like, I became a Catholic just for you.

00:10:29.000 And I don't even believe this stuff.

00:10:31.000 And I mean, who's going to educate your kids?

00:10:31.000 Right.

00:10:34.000 What are you going to teach them?

00:10:34.000 What prayers are you going to say?

00:10:36.000 What holidays?

00:10:37.000 Yeah, what holidays are you going to observe?

00:10:38.000 Are you going to Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Hanukkah, or Christmas and Easter?

00:10:43.000 And, you know, which Pentecost are you going to, you know, observe?

00:10:46.000 The Christian Pentecost or the Judaic Pentecost? 0.59

00:10:50.000 Yeah, it's a bad idea.

00:10:51.000 It's a Judaic Pentecost. 0.93

00:10:53.000 It's about the same thing.

00:10:53.000 Is it at the same time?

00:10:54.000 If Pennant means 50, so it's like 50 days post-Passover is what Pentecost is supposed to be. 0.63

00:11:00.000 Do you agree with women dropping the handkerchief to get in contact with a guy she likes or a guy she would want to pursue?

00:11:10.000 A guy she would want to pursue her.

00:11:12.000 I don't know what dropping the handkerchief means.

00:11:14.000 I guess like my assumption would be like faking a damsel in distress.

00:11:20.000 Or like you're dropping the handkerchief to get attention from the guy.

00:11:26.000 I guess it's like the.

00:11:27.000 Oh, Daisy says it's like giving a hint.

00:11:30.000 Is that a Gen Z thing? 0.55

00:11:32.000 Is that like a heterosexual dropping the soap? 0.93

00:11:35.000 I can't.

00:11:37.000 Just I've never heard these terms before.

00:11:41.000 Are you enjoying this, Daisy?

00:11:43.000 This is great.

00:11:45.000 If you're dropping the soap and you're a woman trying to get in contact with a guy word, that's not Christian. 0.88

00:11:51.000 But no, I don't, I don't know.

00:11:53.000 So should women give a hint? 1.00

00:11:54.000 Yeah, they could give hints.

00:11:55.000 Yeah, they don't have to be aggressive.

00:11:56.000 But it's the man's job to approach the woman. 0.99

00:11:59.000 But the woman doesn't have to be aggressive, too, from the standpoint of ultimatums of like, we first, we just met. 1.00

00:11:59.000 Right. 1.00

00:12:04.000 I mean, there's something to be said, though, for being saying, I'm intentionally dating you.

00:12:09.000 I'm not just dating you to date, but you know.

00:12:12.000 Yeah, I mean, but deep down, women want to be approached. 1.00

00:12:14.000 Deep down, women want to be led by men. 1.00

00:12:16.000 I totally agree.

00:12:18.000 Okay.

00:12:20.000 I have never, there's a few questions in here.

00:12:22.000 I have never been pursued for the right reasons.

00:12:25.000 I worry about my future husband's free will.

00:12:28.000 Will he not choose me?

00:12:30.000 How does God work with women not being pursued and therefore his image of Christ in church? 0.62

00:12:35.000 Christian women are waiting and how about how a lot of us are not being pursued. 0.84

00:12:41.000 I think she's just basically saying why Christian women aren't being pursued.

00:12:45.000 Well, if she's been pursued for the wrong reasons, and I don't want to assume too much, she's probably been preyed on for her physical beauty and not for what she considers to be, you know, her spirituality. 0.83

00:12:57.000 So she has to be more pious in how she presents herself.

00:13:00.000 I'm making a lot of assumptions here, if that's the case, right?

00:13:04.000 For example, very few women say, you know what? 0.81

00:13:07.000 The guy only cares about my sense of humor and doesn't care about my body.

00:13:10.000 Like, that's not exactly a thing.

00:13:12.000 So the subtext of her question.

00:13:15.000 He loves my eyebrows.

00:13:16.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:13:17.000 It's like he only cares about, you know, my writing skills and he won't care about, you know, my fitness.

00:13:24.000 So she's implying that men pursue her only for physical reasons.

00:13:29.000 So then she has to be more pious in how she presents herself, how she dresses.

00:13:34.000 Then she said something, why aren't Christian women being approached? 0.68

00:13:37.000 Approached or pursued? 0.89

00:13:39.000 Because a lot of men are weak versions of their former selves. 0.98

00:13:42.000 They're basically metrosexuals, you know, skinny jeans and basically very cowardly women-looking men. 0.96

00:13:50.000 I feel like, though, too, women have a tendency, the older that you get as a woman not married, you're more aggressive and a little bit more hardened. 0.96

00:14:00.000 Right. 0.96

00:14:00.000 Bitter. 0.96

00:14:00.000 So when a guy pursues you or tries to approach you, and if they don't do it the right way, you immediately like snap. 0.96

00:14:06.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:14:07.000 And they feel entitled to a man.

00:14:10.000 There's a lot of entitlement for, because I mean, think about it.

00:14:13.000 If you're a late 20, early 30-something cat lady, you probably have a lot of corporate success.

00:14:17.000 You probably got really good grades in college, right?

00:14:19.000 Yeah.

00:14:20.000 You probably are really well respected amongst your family for like socioeconomic.

00:14:24.000 You probably are not in a lot of debt.

00:14:26.000 And so this understandably creates a lot of frustration because they have a good credit score, right?

00:14:32.000 They have a lot of friends.

00:14:33.000 They can go on nice trips to Bell E's, but the one thing they can't figure out is why won't a man love me?

00:14:39.000 Right.

00:14:40.000 Which is sad.

00:14:41.000 Well, it's sad, but they have a great credit score, but they don't have a man because they might have prioritized it upside down.

00:14:47.000 And the not-so-hidden secret is your prime as a lady is 20 to 25. 0.86

00:14:52.000 Right.

00:14:53.000 So be careful squandering that just on corporate success and good grades in college.

00:14:57.000 Well, if you take care of yourself, your prime kind of extends a little bit.

00:15:01.000 No, it does, but a lot of ladies lose that. 1.00

00:15:03.000 And then I know what you mean.

00:15:05.000 They need to hear that, though.

00:15:06.000 Like, there's a 21-year-old probably listening to this being like, oh, I can go get good grades at Stanford, fool around, sleep around, and then a man will love me when I'm 32 or 33.

00:15:15.000 It's a risk.

00:15:16.000 Right.

00:15:16.000 And your egg production goes down.

00:15:18.000 And, you know, it's a fact of life.

00:15:22.000 Men in their 30s reach more of a dating prime, and young ladies do not. 0.83

00:15:27.000 Young women do not. 0.99

00:15:28.000 We were talking about it the other day about how an older guy did not.

00:15:32.000 Yeah, he did not want to date a 30.

00:15:34.000 We both know a Christian, eligible bachelor, tall, you know, charismatic, whatever, all that stuff.

00:15:41.000 Checks the boxes, but will not date someone who is like between 30, 35.

00:15:49.000 And has to be between 20.

00:15:51.000 He said it was like 24 to 27.

00:15:54.000 Yeah, and I don't think he's being totally fair, but I don't know if I get why he believes that guy.

00:16:02.000 No, no, we know girls, we know young ladies that don't want to date older men, but that will change.

00:16:07.000 I mean, the thing about older men is they're usually financially stable, they're established in career, and like a 23-year-old, 24-year-old, that's too big of an age gap.

00:16:15.000 I think a decade is too long of an age gap.

00:16:17.000 I think five to seven years is fine.

00:16:19.000 Yeah.

00:16:20.000 But a decade, you're in total, you're in different generations, you have different slangs. 1.00

00:16:22.000 I totally agree.

00:16:23.000 You have different TV shows.

00:16:25.000 Yeah.

00:16:26.000 So we love Frasier.

00:16:27.000 Frasier is amazing.

00:16:28.000 He's the best.

00:16:30.000 That's not even within our age range.

00:16:33.000 Okay.

00:16:34.000 Advice for learning to submit to your man if you naturally take charge and are a leader.

00:16:40.000 So I think there's a difference between being an alpha female within the sphere that you operate in from like work standpoint, friendship circles, all of that.

00:16:51.000 But when it comes to your husband, you are always, he is your alpha.

00:16:57.000 You are always to submit to your husband and not in a way of slave versus master, but in a helpmate way, because you and your husband are one.

00:17:05.000 Yeah, the reason she's asking this question is her husband's not leaving well.

00:17:09.000 So he's leaving the pants on the ground and she's picking them up and putting them on.

00:17:12.000 And so if a wife ever even asks this question, it's 100% the man's fault. 0.98

00:17:16.000 For not taking charge.

00:17:18.000 Because no woman who's being led well be like, I have real trouble submitting or trouble. 1.00

00:17:23.000 It just means that he's probably a drunk or he's watching pornography or I'm not saying he is doing these things.

00:17:28.000 No, but typically this is the behavioral pattern we see is when young moms or women are like, I am a go-getter. 1.00

00:17:37.000 That's fine.

00:17:38.000 But if you even have that kind of thought process, that means that your husband is not doing his job.

00:17:45.000 Right.

00:17:46.000 Because I never have the issue with you.

00:17:49.000 Thank you.

00:17:50.000 Thanks for leading us so well, babe.

00:17:53.000 Okay, how to date for marriage and how to best communicate that to the potential man.

00:17:58.000 First date.

00:17:59.000 Tell him I want to marry you.

00:18:00.000 No, just be like, I'm not here to play around.

00:18:02.000 No, I know.

00:18:03.000 Date with intention.

00:18:04.000 Yeah, this is not.

00:18:05.000 If this is just fun or a hobby, we're done.

00:18:07.000 Totally.

00:18:08.000 But the women, the woman has to say that. 1.00

00:18:10.000 See, women have this built-in fear of rejection and it makes them do weird things. 1.00

00:18:15.000 So women have to be okay with being rejected early. 1.00

00:18:18.000 But I think, and I was, we were talking about this to some extent.

00:18:22.000 I think you need to have all of the spheres of your life kind of built out too.

00:18:25.000 So you're not just so heavily fixated and anxiety-driven over just that one small little, I mean, it's a big part of your life.

00:18:33.000 But if you're so focused on, I need to find a man, I need to find a man, I need to find a man, you're looking at your life from a lack view standpoint versus being like, wow, I have an incredible life.

00:18:44.000 I have a great family.

00:18:45.000 I have that.

00:18:45.000 I have this.

00:18:46.000 And living from a viewpoint of abundance and then being so absorbed and focused on the amazing things that you're building and you're growing that God will bring up someone alongside you that's not going to distract you from all the amazing things that you have in your life.

00:19:01.000 I agree.

00:19:02.000 So you can't even be depressed because the guy's right there.

00:19:07.000 Okay.

00:19:08.000 What has kept your relationship alive?

00:19:12.000 Quality time, constant growth.

00:19:15.000 Yeah.

00:19:16.000 And adversity.

00:19:18.000 Adversity actually can make a relationship stronger.

00:19:20.000 I mean, external adversity.

00:19:21.000 Our travel schedule, all the people that want to murder us.

00:19:25.000 Death threats.

00:19:26.000 Yeah.

00:19:27.000 We bond well.

00:19:28.000 You know, complacency is the death of anything.

00:19:31.000 Right.

00:19:31.000 So we have a different fear, which is too crazy.

00:19:35.000 But I think we've done a good job with the Shabbat of dialing that out. 0.79

00:19:38.000 That's big.

00:19:39.000 Do you want to talk about that?

00:19:40.000 Yeah.

00:19:40.000 A lot of people don't.

00:19:41.000 Well, if you look, it's a great thing for you.

00:19:45.000 Every single Christian should be honoring the Shabbat. 0.57

00:19:47.000 Not because I think you're commanded, because that's debated, but because it's one of the coolest, most amazing.

00:19:52.000 It is biblical.

00:19:53.000 Yeah, things ever.

00:19:54.000 God rested on the seventh day of creation.

00:19:56.000 And so every Friday night we do the Shabbat dinner and do our version of the Kaddush, which is the Jewish prayer.

00:20:03.000 And in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

00:20:06.000 And just Shabbat means stop.

00:20:08.000 And then what do you do?

00:20:09.000 I turn my phone off from Friday night to Sunday morning.

00:20:11.000 Put it in the kitchen drawer.

00:20:12.000 I put it right in the kitchen drawer.

00:20:13.000 I'm untouchable, unreachable.

00:20:15.000 And so it's just a reminder of a couple things.

00:20:18.000 Again, everything is what you do with it, but that God created the heavens and the earth, that you didn't create this, that you're just a sole little speck of a member there.

00:20:25.000 So it should be humbling.

00:20:27.000 You could pridefully do it too, you know, in anything.

00:20:30.000 But I think that commandment, which depending on how you detailed it, I think it's the third commandment, third or fourth commandment.

00:20:38.000 Well, it's do not take the Lord's name in vain, I think.

00:20:42.000 Depends.

00:20:42.000 It depends how you break it.

00:20:43.000 But yeah, it's third or fourth.

00:20:44.000 Is the only ritual in the Ten Commandments.

00:20:47.000 And it is for six days you shall work, and for the seventh day you shall rest.

00:20:54.000 So we're commanded to work for six days, which we do good and do very well, I should say.

00:20:58.000 And I think it keeps families together.

00:21:01.000 Totally.

00:21:01.000 Yeah.

00:21:02.000 I think also, too, something that's really special is that we always ask each other.

00:21:06.000 We check in with each other constantly throughout the day of like, how can I make your day better?

00:21:10.000 How can I help you with this?

00:21:11.000 How can I serve you with that?

00:21:13.000 How can I just like constantly being able to see?

00:21:16.000 I mean, just check in and touch base.

00:21:18.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:21:20.000 Okay.

00:21:21.000 What if he checks all the boxes, but you're not attracted to him?

00:21:25.000 Well, then you should not marry him.

00:21:27.000 Well, he obviously didn't check all the boxes.

00:21:29.000 Well, I mean, yeah, attraction is absolutely so unbelievably important, or else it's just going to be, you might as well just get a sperm donor.

00:21:39.000 Are you laughing, Daisy?

00:21:42.000 Okay, well, I mean, obviously, looks fade, so you can't be like super fixated on that.

00:21:47.000 Is this a woman asking this question?

00:21:49.000 Yeah.

00:21:50.000 But women can be attracted to men that are unkept for other reasons. 0.80

00:21:54.000 Okay, but here's the thing: you can't, you can, if he is super smart, but he needs a haircut or he needs to groom himself a little bit better or something, a guy can change a lot between the ages of 20 to 25 or 25 to 30.

00:22:11.000 Like their face changes a little bit.

00:22:13.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:22:15.000 She wouldn't ask this question if there wasn't a major.

00:22:19.000 And by the way, that's an unusual question for a female because most females don't consider looks to be nearly as important as character or financial stability. 1.00

00:22:28.000 I don't know.

00:22:29.000 Genetics is a big thing.

00:22:30.000 Like you're looking, that's your kid might look more like him than you.

00:22:34.000 Yeah, but very rarely do I hear from women, I'm not attracted to him, but he checks all the other boxes. 1.00

00:22:41.000 That's rare.

00:22:42.000 That's a very visually stimulated female, which is usually a male characteristic. 1.00

00:22:47.000 So are you saying she's a lesbian? 1.00

00:22:50.000 Just kidding.

00:22:50.000 Why are we getting so many lesbian submissions?

00:22:53.000 It could be.

00:22:54.000 I don't know.

00:22:55.000 We're getting trolled.

00:22:57.000 Okay, how do you cope with feeling that God does not hear your prayers regarding relationships?

00:23:03.000 I feel like God always hears your prayers.

00:23:05.000 It's just he's answering them in a way that you might not like.

00:23:08.000 Yeah, that's exactly how I would have answered it.

00:23:11.000 That's exactly right.

00:23:12.000 He hears all prayers, but there's a lot of pride in that question, respectfully, that you are so important that God is your celestial butler to ask for all your questions, ask for all your stuff.

00:23:24.000 Yeah, God is not the room service phone at the hotel.

00:23:27.000 At the four seasons.

00:23:28.000 Yeah, I want a burger.

00:23:29.000 I want a milkshake.

00:23:30.000 That's not God.

00:23:31.000 It's not the way it works.

00:23:32.000 So she has an unbiblical view of God.

00:23:36.000 Prayer is a petition to the divine out of obedience and gratitude and piety and service and duty.

00:23:42.000 You don't go to God.

00:23:43.000 And God, I also want the Corvette.

00:23:46.000 It's not your Amazon shopping cart.

00:23:48.000 No, literally.

00:23:49.000 But he also, he hears your prayers, but also too, if you feel like he's not quote unquote delivering you, you're human in time, I feel like it's also because you still have a lot of growth to do yourself.

00:24:01.000 He's still trying to prune from your life maybe a past relationship, or maybe he's trying to get something out of your life that you're holding on to.

00:24:08.000 He's trying to make you more obedient to do things you're not doing.

00:24:11.000 Right.

00:24:11.000 Like maybe you should stop doing a TV show or go to a club or stop drinking alcohol or stop hanging out with your friends.

00:24:17.000 Whatever your friends, but there's a great song, I think it's by Toby Key, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.

00:24:27.000 It's true.

00:24:27.000 If you think every prayer you're giving, you know exactly how it's going to end up.

00:24:31.000 That's a very arrogant, prideful way of looking at the sovereignty of God.

00:24:36.000 Well, and too, that means you don't understand how beautiful God's will is.

00:24:39.000 That's right.

00:24:40.000 Because God's will will always be way better than anything you could have ever.

00:24:44.000 Yeah, and this person's question is, she's obviously in pain.

00:24:48.000 So I would just have her change her opinion.

00:24:51.000 And instead, she should have, instead of why is God not answering my prayer, what am I not yet doing to find my future mate?

00:25:00.000 To get to the place where only God can open the door.

00:25:03.000 I believe God meets us halfway.

00:25:05.000 Yeah.

00:25:05.000 And you know what I would recommend her doing too is instead of in her mind thinking God's not answering her prayers, she should look back in her life and write down the things that God saved her from that she thought that she wanted and write and meditate and pray on the things that God saved you from that you thought you needed.

00:25:24.000 Okay, next question.

00:25:25.000 Should a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law honor the parents of the partner?

00:25:30.000 Yes.

00:25:33.000 You're now one.

00:25:34.000 Well, no, just practically, it makes life a lot easier.

00:25:37.000 100%.

00:25:38.000 No, totally.

00:25:39.000 I'm very blessed.

00:25:39.000 We have the best in law.

00:25:40.000 I'm the best-in-laws ever.

00:25:41.000 We have a great family.

00:25:42.000 She's the best.

00:25:43.000 Yeah, we have a great unit.

00:25:45.000 Yes, we have a great family all together.

00:25:47.000 I say absolutely.

00:25:49.000 You are one, but it makes your spouse's life infinitely easier.

00:25:55.000 Well, and two, their parents are like your parents, I'm grateful for because they brought you into the world.

00:26:03.000 Yes, and they raised me.

00:26:04.000 They taught you how to use a spoon and a fork.

00:26:05.000 100% and everything else.

00:26:07.000 The answer is 100%, yes.

00:26:08.000 Okay, where to meet single conservative Christian men in their 30s?

00:26:13.000 You know where?

00:26:14.000 AmFest.

00:26:15.000 Yeah, Amfest.com.

00:26:17.000 That's right.

00:26:18.000 You can go to A-M-F-E-S-T.com, but also church.

00:26:22.000 Their church.

00:26:22.000 Their pastor.

00:26:23.000 Yeah, just the pastor's wife. 0.98

00:26:25.000 Most pastor's wives operate as like Christian mingle. 0.95

00:26:29.000 So with that said, though, some churches, when they know that you're single, it's the most awkward because you're in a group.

00:26:37.000 Let's say you're in a youth, not a youth group, but a younger group, and everyone knows you're single.

00:26:42.000 And then it's like, if someone starts flirting with you, then another guy's like, oh, that guy's flirting with her.

00:26:47.000 I'm going to not touch her.

00:26:50.000 Yeah.

00:26:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:26:51.000 My experience is that whether it be uncles, aunts, cousins, if you really want to get married and you're in your 30s and you feel like your biological clock is ticking, which obviously you do as a female, then you need to kind of be a little aggressive, which is not a female characteristic naturally. 0.87

00:27:07.000 Right.

00:27:07.000 And text everyone and say, I'm looking for a mate.

00:27:10.000 Can you set, and you're going to probably have some pretty awful dates.

00:27:13.000 I'm just being honest.

00:27:14.000 Like, that's what, once you get into your 30s and you're unmarried, I hope every 20-something woman hears me.

00:27:21.000 You get in a little desperation mode.

00:27:23.000 But then it also, too, you have to be careful from the standpoint of your CVS list receipt of non-negotiables is going to have to get to be like 10.

00:27:33.000 Be chopped a little bit.

00:27:34.000 Or like four.

00:27:35.000 Yeah.

00:27:35.000 Or two.

00:27:36.000 You're going to have to have like an Einstein.

00:27:37.000 Yeah, I know a young lady texted you recently.

00:27:39.000 She's like, I want this and I want this and I want this and I want that.

00:27:43.000 I was like, geez, are you like customizing literally?

00:27:47.000 Like, and I want the, you know, the heated seats, and I want the four-wheel drive and satellite radio.

00:27:53.000 Spinning rims.

00:27:54.000 It's like, wow, that's a very narrow path.

00:27:59.000 Should you just get married if you don't feel peace about it yet?

00:28:02.000 No, absolutely not.

00:28:03.000 I totally agree.

00:28:05.000 Marriage is not just a funny thing.

00:28:06.000 No, absolutely not.

00:28:08.000 You need to find a pastor to help sort that out.

00:28:09.000 See, that's the thing, though, is that I don't think the weight of marriage, I don't know if it's absolutely.

00:28:15.000 It's better to not marry than marry wrong.

00:28:17.000 I completely agree.

00:28:19.000 And I'm a huge fan of marriage, but if you have any sort of lack of shalom, then you need to find a pastor and figure that out.

00:28:27.000 It's either on you or it's on them.

00:28:29.000 And then if you need to have the intellectual and spiritual courage to admit, maybe it's you.

00:28:35.000 Yeah.

00:28:36.000 Commitment issues, your father left you, stuff like that.

00:28:39.000 Does equally yoked mean commitment to Jesus or theological knowledge?

00:28:45.000 I don't know.

00:28:46.000 You'd have to ask a pastor that.

00:28:48.000 I don't know.

00:28:49.000 Well, probably both.

00:28:52.000 I mean, I would say it would have to do somewhat with both.

00:28:56.000 I don't want to speak out of turn theological.

00:28:58.000 No, that's true.

00:28:59.000 There's some people that feel as though as long as they say Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, that means we're equally yoked.

00:29:08.000 But then there might be some theological things where they might have believed that you need to have the same worldview.

00:29:15.000 And so the Catholic Protestant thing can work, but it's still risky. 0.79

00:29:19.000 But you need to believe in the inerrancy of scripture.

00:29:21.000 If you both believe in that, Jesus is the king of the world, Nicene Creed.

00:29:25.000 If you don't believe in that, then you're not equally yoked.

00:29:28.000 Right.

00:29:29.000 It's not fair because, I mean, if your husband's a theologian, you're not going to know as much as he does, right?

00:29:35.000 So that's not exactly a fair question.

00:29:37.000 So I don't think so.

00:29:38.000 Okay.

00:29:38.000 So then a lot of these questions, just to skim through, is like 33 and single, no prospects, any advice, or heading into 30s plus and single, hitting the deadline, but still being single and feeling the pressure of that.

00:29:52.000 I don't mean to speak down to these people.

00:29:53.000 And we're going to get so many hateful emails.

00:29:55.000 I don't care.

00:29:56.000 It's like someone needs to tell you that you have to focus on your personal growth, your walk with Christ, right?

00:30:03.000 Do not blame others.

00:30:04.000 Because guess why?

00:30:05.000 For no other reason, then that's very unattractive to other men.

00:30:08.000 A man has a certain, you know, men are not necessarily atmospherically very aware of things, but men can sense bitterness in a woman like immediately. 0.67

00:30:16.000 And it's very unattractive.

00:30:18.000 Right.

00:30:19.000 So a 33-year-old single male.

00:30:22.000 Oh, male's got plenty of time.

00:30:23.000 He'll figure it out.

00:30:24.000 No, I understand, but is when a 33-year-old single man meets a 33-year-old single woman, the tension there.

00:30:35.000 Yeah, the man is probably financially stable, just beginning to look for his options.

00:30:40.000 And the woman is like, I only have 30 seconds left on the clock. 0.99

00:30:45.000 No, and that really does suck for the woman. 1.00

00:30:47.000 It does suck, but it's, I'm just reiterating, the culture lied to her. 1.00

00:30:51.000 And so I hope she's able to find her mate. 0.97

00:30:54.000 No, I understand.

00:30:54.000 Because she's put career and stuff first, but they, it was almost like also to what if their parents were like, you have to find a job and go and do this and go to the house.

00:31:05.000 A lot of boomer parents have created really anxious 33-year-old women. 1.00

00:31:10.000 No, I could not agree more.

00:31:11.000 And these boomer parents were like, well, I'm glad you didn't get married at 23.

00:31:14.000 Are you?

00:31:14.000 No, but that's exactly what I'm saying.

00:31:15.000 You don't have grandma.

00:31:16.000 That is exactly right because they said you need to go to the Ivy League school.

00:31:20.000 You need to get the top job.

00:31:21.000 Work your way up through Google.

00:31:22.000 And then get on the pill.

00:31:25.000 We don't want you to get pregnant when you're 19. 1.00

00:31:26.000 Well, obviously, you don't want to go with that.

00:31:28.000 Or even 26 or 27.

00:31:29.000 Don't even start seriously dating.

00:31:31.000 Right.

00:31:31.000 And then now the parent is.

00:31:34.000 They're like, where are your grandkids?

00:31:35.000 And then it creates a lot of acrimony in the family.

00:31:40.000 So, I mean, my heart goes out for these women that are in their 30s. 0.98

00:31:43.000 I don't have easy answers for you, though, because I don't lie.

00:31:46.000 I don't mislead people.

00:31:46.000 No, but okay.

00:31:47.000 So let's create, but because we're closing out, let's create kind of a checklist, if you will, because a lot of these questions were submitted by women who are still single looking for the guy.

00:31:57.000 Yeah.

00:31:59.000 Take care of yourself.

00:32:00.000 So, okay.

00:32:01.000 What about this?

00:32:02.000 Take care of yourself from the inside, meaning spiritually nourish yourself.

00:32:07.000 Correct.

00:32:08.000 But also, two, take your vitamins.

00:32:09.000 Yeah.

00:32:10.000 Don't drink.

00:32:11.000 Do not take some time off drinking.

00:32:13.000 That's a great idea.

00:32:14.000 So if you are looking for a man, literally alcohol is a toxin.

00:32:17.000 It ages you.

00:32:18.000 Right.

00:32:19.000 So, like, if you are looking for a man, zero alcohol, zero drugs.

00:32:22.000 Why don't you make a commitment to yourself to stop drinking?

00:32:25.000 That's a big point until you find.

00:32:27.000 Why does anyone drink alcohol?

00:32:28.000 I totally agree.

00:32:29.000 You and I are the same.

00:32:30.000 So stop drinking.

00:32:32.000 Stop smoking or doing, you know.

00:32:35.000 I would hope so.

00:32:36.000 Yeah, I mean, this goes to my point.

00:32:38.000 If you're 33 and you're telling us you can't find someone and you're doing a marble a pack a day.

00:32:42.000 Or rolling blondes. 1.00

00:32:43.000 Yeah.

00:32:44.000 You're not exactly making the case.

00:32:46.000 Right.

00:32:46.000 But I doubt your listeners are like that.

00:32:48.000 But yes.

00:32:49.000 Well, I don't know.

00:32:49.000 You just told me I had two lesbians that are submitting.

00:32:51.000 I didn't say that.

00:32:52.000 I said, what woman? 0.98

00:32:54.000 Riley, we're going to have to come through this.

00:32:56.000 What woman has a best friend that's a man? 1.00

00:32:58.000 Like, that's very strange.

00:33:01.000 Okay.

00:33:01.000 Well, so taking care of yourself, vitamins, eating healthy, comb your hair, like shower.

00:33:11.000 Yeah, and I would even go as far as say like embrace every trick in the naturopathic world to like fight aging.

00:33:19.000 100%.

00:33:20.000 Working out.

00:33:21.000 Vitamins.

00:33:22.000 Saunas, cold tubs, tanning, vitamin D levels, get your hormones balanced.

00:33:26.000 Right.

00:33:26.000 Like you can you can extend that clock a little bit further than even some people.

00:33:32.000 You don't have to surrender to it.

00:33:33.000 Like don't eat carbohydrates.

00:33:35.000 Don't eat refined sugar.

00:33:36.000 That's another thing that's really interesting.

00:33:38.000 It's super, it's kind of superficial.

00:33:40.000 But if a girl has her nails done and is like well presented, you know, that's a thing. 1.00

00:33:47.000 Yeah, and then you have a, I mean, I don't know the wardrobe thing as well as you do, obviously.

00:33:52.000 Dress classy.

00:33:53.000 And so you have to do everything possible, yes.

00:33:56.000 Right.

00:33:57.000 Carry yourself knowing that you have self-worth.

00:33:59.000 You have to go into environments that might make you uncomfortable to find a future match.

00:34:06.000 And, you know, definitely.

00:34:08.000 And when you go there, don't be rude and pompous when you meet the man.

00:34:12.000 So that's the other thing: is that you have to basically surrender to God.

00:34:15.000 I mean, surrender is the only way.

00:34:17.000 Otherwise, the anxiety will absolutely kill you.

00:34:19.000 I see it happen.

00:34:20.000 You don't have to immediately go to dinner.

00:34:22.000 You can grab coffee.

00:34:24.000 Yeah, sure.

00:34:25.000 I mean, again, nothing will be more unattractive for an eligible bachelor man than desperation.

00:34:32.000 Well, okay, so in New York City, it would be like a thing where a guy would come in and be like, okay, so I have drinks with Bethany at six, and then I have dinner with, give me another girl's name.

00:34:45.000 Cindy.

00:34:47.000 Cindy at 7:30.

00:34:49.000 And then whatever, they have a nightcap with what's another.

00:34:54.000 Okay.

00:34:57.000 These are real names.

00:34:58.000 Rolanda.

00:34:59.000 That reminds me of that thing we watched the other day.

00:35:02.000 Huh?

00:35:03.000 The sweet tea thing.

00:35:04.000 Yeah.

00:35:04.000 Okay.

00:35:06.000 Anyways, so guys, sometimes, there are some guys like in New York City that stack their schedule like that because they're just.

00:35:13.000 Here's the thing.

00:35:14.000 People are going to email us.

00:35:15.000 They say it's not fair.

00:35:16.000 You're right.

00:35:16.000 It's not fair.

00:35:17.000 The game is rigged for men right now in that way. 0.88

00:35:20.000 Men have a longer clock. 0.55

00:35:21.000 It's harder to find a man.

00:35:23.000 In Arizona, there's like three times the amount of single women than a single man. 1.00

00:35:26.000 Unbelievable.

00:35:27.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:35:27.000 So it's just, that's why you got so many lesbians. 0.97

00:35:29.000 And I think because they want to find somebody.

00:35:32.000 They're all my followers, apparently.

00:35:33.000 No, it's just, it's just the way it is.

00:35:36.000 Okay.

00:35:36.000 So then to close out that list, because we got to go, take your healthy, putting yourself in uncomfortable positions that are going to be productive towards personal growth.

00:35:46.000 And then I think too.

00:35:48.000 Spiritually nourish yourself.

00:35:49.000 Yeah, and like be so just ingrained with the word and have the word so imprinted on your heart that it will literally take God saying that's him and you'll know.

00:36:01.000 Amen.

00:36:02.000 And you'll know.

00:36:02.000 That's where piety is.

00:36:04.000 And he'll treat you so well.

00:36:05.000 And it doesn't matter if you're in L.A.

00:36:07.000 It doesn't matter if you're in New York City.

00:36:09.000 I was in New York City and I found you.

00:36:11.000 That's right.

00:36:12.000 Well, you weren't from New York City.

00:36:13.000 You kind of plopped in to Bill's Burgers.

00:36:16.000 Everyone, check out Proclaim Streetwear.

00:36:18.000 If we offended you, maybe you needed to hear it.

00:36:22.000 It was tough looking.

00:36:23.000 Maybe it was a problem.

00:36:24.000 Yeah, it all comes in love.

00:36:25.000 Tough looks like we don't do happy talk.

00:36:27.000 I can't stand these Christian podcasts.

00:36:29.000 Sit around and God will deliver you your future mate and keep eating Krispy Kremes. 1.00

00:36:33.000 Bunch of nonsense. 0.94

00:36:34.000 Okay.

00:36:34.000 Like improve yourself out of obedience and duty to the divine.

00:36:38.000 Thanks so much for listening.

00:36:39.000 Everybody, email us your thoughts.

00:36:41.000 As always, freedom at charliekirk.com.

00:36:43.000 Thanks so much for listening and God bless.

00:36:45.000 For more on many of these stories and news you can trust, go to CharlieKirk.com.

The Charlie Kirk Show - September 24, 2023

Tough Love with Charlie and Erika Kirk

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