CLOWN FOR HIRE Ft. Zach Noe Towers ｜ Episode 214
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 5 minutes
Words per minute
202.30092
Harmful content
Misogyny
47
sentences flagged
Toxicity
165
sentences flagged
Hate speech
69
sentences flagged
Summary
Zach Noe Towers ( ) joins Jemele to talk about farting, kids, and his love of the farting sound. This episode is presented by Too Good Co. Creamer. To find a list of our sponsors and show-related promo codes, go to gimlet.fm/sponsors
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Moved out here as a demon twink at 22, full demon twink, had my horns removed recently.
00:00:18.380
Hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show.
00:00:21.920
Sorry, me, your fave, everybody knows me, who cares about me?
00:00:25.720
Today we have the iconic, the legendary, the one, the only, Zach Noe Towers.
00:00:36.500
Every episode I listen to him, I'm like, I can't wait for the fart for whatever reason.
00:00:39.560
I know, I remember one time, I don't remember who it was, but I was thinking too much about
0.96
00:00:45.200
the words I was saying, and I forgot the fart sound, and I was like, damn, sorry y'all.
0.96
00:00:55.720
This episode is presented by Too Good & Co. Creamer.
00:00:59.560
My go-to coffee is an iced vanilla latte personally,
00:01:03.280
but whether you enjoy your coffee hot, cold, bold, or frothy,
00:01:12.220
Because they're made with farm fresh cream, real milk,
00:01:17.220
That's 40% less than the five grams per serving
00:01:23.900
find two good creamers in the creamer aisle how are you I'm great I said this before and I said
00:01:30.580
it before so I wouldn't say this time but I'm so excited to be here I'm so excited to have you
00:01:34.700
I'm honored to have you it's a dream and your friend well a lot of people that you're really
00:01:39.360
good friends with have been on the show oh yeah so it was natural because you've had Bob yes and
00:01:43.480
Taylor comedian girlies yes the stand-up queens y'all are you are so funny thank you you can kind
00:01:50.740
to make anyone funny that's that's that's why people keep tuning in i think and that's why
00:01:54.380
taylor thompson keeps coming because she needs my help yes she desperately needs my help you know
00:01:58.180
the special thanks that just says drew off well yeah she says and credit drew off well yes i made
00:02:02.820
her funny yes you did me saying that she has six netflix specials no sure that's all me anywho how
00:02:09.680
have you been um how's life going for you life's so good yeah i told you this i turned 40 recently
00:02:16.000
which has been like which hello oh no you look amazing thank you security tried to drag me out
00:02:22.000
of the building when i said it but it's okay in tiktok years i'm i'm a hundred and two i can't
00:02:28.160
with that yeah it's jarring that there's another generation already like i just got an are you
00:02:34.040
no i'm millennial okay i'm elder millennial but okay it's so crazy that like alphas are coming
00:02:40.220
i'm like i thought we're good with gen z i feel like okay that's enough i don't think we need
00:02:44.640
anymore if i'm being honest it's okay no more no more stop having babies they're so mean to me
00:02:51.880
babies i don't know babies actually love me which is ironic because i don't want kids
00:02:56.960
oh me neither yeah i don't want kids but i'm like i i'm a magnet for kids they love me well
00:03:02.040
because you give fun aunt yeah no offense no it's true but i also think it's like maybe it's an
00:03:07.300
opposites attract thing or like cats find the person they don't right yeah exactly that's what
0.54
00:03:12.560
i'm like i think they can sense i don't really i'm not really fucking with my own yeah so then
0.73
00:03:16.980
they're like oh she's cool you know what i mean yeah you pass the vibe check yeah i'm really we
00:03:22.120
have a mutual understanding me and children there's also nothing better than i have one friend
00:03:26.180
maddie from high school who's actually now the principal of that high school that's crazy isn't
00:03:31.120
that crazy i could ruin her in a second i could be like you guys know what she did when we were
0.98
00:03:37.820
your age she mixed beer with root beer i'm gonna go start rumors at that high school not rumors
0.97
00:03:43.800
honey i have flash photography evidence we used digital cameras were a thing right when i was in
00:03:50.340
time yeah she has a child and tangentially i'm giving getting the uncle vibe from this child
00:03:56.200
and the child is obsessed with me oh i love that we love that yeah that's that's my vibe i was like
00:04:02.320
i want to be a fun rich aunt so like they light up when they see you because they know they're
0.99
00:04:06.580
getting money or like a vape yeah or something a killer ass present like i'm gonna i'm gonna kill
0.98
00:04:12.680
and i'm gonna get the most annoying gifts for them you're gonna also probably have to ask the
0.99
00:04:16.660
parents like is it okay if i get them the thing like i don't want them to like turn on you but
00:04:20.680
like i can get them the thing where i'm gonna best their parents every year yes i think the only
00:04:25.400
friend i can think of right now that wants kids off the top of my head my caleb i know caleb wants
00:04:30.880
children so i'm like oh i'm gonna be the best aunt ever i don't know caleb but if you're listening i
0.98
00:04:35.740
will do anything to be your friend okay he's so funny don't he sucks
0.93
00:04:40.920
take it from me and you know what would he say about you drew he would say i'm an angel and i'm
0.73
00:04:47.760
perfect and he would say he's attracted to me so that's what he would say honestly the child of you
00:04:54.960
two crazy might be the antichrist might be jesus we joked about that like because i'm sure he has
00:05:01.560
a harem of women that would be a surrogate for him but i literally told caleb i was like i don't
0.70
00:05:06.660
want to do that but like if you put your your sperm with my egg in my body that baby would go
1.00
00:05:12.420
to the nfl oh my god that baby would be a hall of famer are the linebackers the big ones yeah
00:05:17.220
yeah they're all big okay yeah yeah no i know that but yeah for sure i come up to like their
00:05:21.760
knee yeah and caleb's really tall and i'm tall is caleb tall yeah caleb's like i want to say
00:05:27.240
like 6'3 oh that's a man i think a lot of people don't think that he's very tall i guess i see him
00:05:32.060
most of the time well and i think they think i'm small which i have said many many many times i am
00:05:37.880
not short i'm deceivingly fast yeah and yeah what was it though i didn't say it wrong no it was um
00:05:45.040
deceptively yeah deceptively fast yeah put that on the wikipedia i know they're like believe it
00:05:51.400
or not this big bitch can move like that's really what they wrote on my on my player profile no for
1.00
00:05:56.460
you are an avid listener period oh that was with cat cohen oh cat cohen is so funny also my my only
0.95
00:06:04.120
goal for this episode is to um become liked by jennifer pritchett realtor oh jpr that's carrie's
1.00
00:06:11.840
mom get out what's her vibe is she does she like gay people or is she kind of like she loves gay
00:06:18.020
people oh that's her gay daughter i'm coming for you and jen is also my like number one listener
00:06:26.240
that's that's the vibe i got yeah she is my number one fan yeah i know what i'm doing
00:06:31.220
yeah i'm gonna get her and everyone else is gonna fall into place i know with kyle mclaughlin it
00:06:36.680
was very like that's crazy like having because she was such a huge fan of him it was so funny
00:06:40.940
and like a like a year before he started like posting a lot on tiktok and stuff and doing the
00:06:46.360
podcast she had told carrie because carrie's also my assistant she had told carrie like you know
00:06:51.660
drew should have kyle mclaughlin and we we were like that's so random yeah and then we did end
00:06:58.620
up having him and wow he is a delight he was i now i feel creepy that i listened to a pod it's
00:07:04.620
okay i've had people like that okay no no i just had my like that she's like the other elderly
0.98
00:07:09.440
guy no no no my friend blake who's the same age as me he also referenced my show a ton okay great
00:07:14.760
which I love are you kidding well you're a good time you're everything I want more of you know
00:07:19.680
how like thank you it becomes nauseating to hear a straight male comedian speak yeah you're like
0.94
00:07:24.640
the antidote yeah thank you so like if I obviously yeah I save everyone EpiPen yeah for real you're
00:07:33.280
saving lives yes I am thank you so much for recognizing making Taylor Tomlinson what she is
00:07:37.940
and you're saving us god I am so busy you're busy I'm propping up her Caleb oh god everybody
00:07:44.680
just kidding well I want to talk more about you I want to talk about stand-up just I really want
00:07:49.120
to know how you got into stand-up like what was the genesis of you entering the field actually
00:07:53.060
you'll love this because I know you like musical theater I do I was a musical theater kid from 10
00:07:57.860
to 22 I went to college for it no way yes so my tap shoes are in my closet okay time steps for you
00:08:04.400
if you want you can sing technically but I'm like now it's it's I haven't sang for so long
00:08:10.300
that it's just like private shows in my car and i bet that means you can sing
00:08:14.780
not i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay is he being humble yes he's being humble
00:08:20.680
which is also scary because you can fact check me in a way that
00:08:25.720
no one else and you want to be a broadway baby um well i would do that but i want to do tv and
00:08:31.140
film okay all this is to say i did musical theater from 10 to 22 and i went to college
00:08:36.540
because i thought i had to go to college i feel you you missed that maybe by like that's our 10
00:08:41.700
year difference like we were like which college are you going to not like are you going to college
00:08:46.540
i see i see and it's like well if i go and if i'm gonna have loans i'm gonna know how to do
00:08:50.580
a triple pirouette yeah right most expensive triple i'm gonna get my money's worth i'm gonna
00:08:56.280
go learn a skill sally may sally who um so went to college for musical theater knowing the whole
00:09:03.240
time i wanted to do tv and film moved out here as a demon twink at 22 full demon twink had my
00:09:09.980
horns removed recently well i'm so happy for you thank you gender affirming care
0.82
00:09:15.340
love that for you please also have your twink spayed and neutered if you have a
00:09:23.380
yeah make sure have to don't need them reproducing um but i really got lost in the
0.54
00:09:30.040
sauce coming out here i wanted to act i had like commercial agent but it's so do you audition for
00:09:35.340
commercials um i've done you don't have to you get offered them no i mean i've done i've done
00:09:41.380
commercials but i don't they're commercials for social so i feel like it's a little different
00:09:44.480
got it and you're like the targeted thing yeah okay so with commercials it's like i would call
00:09:49.340
off work to audition for like a paper towel commercial right maybe get a call back call
00:09:54.140
off work again not get it be down money and be like I don't even want to be in a paper towel
00:10:00.560
commercial like you feel crazy after a while you're like what am I doing so I started doing
00:10:06.060
stand-up and because I had the stage experience I was immediately comfortable on stage and there's
0.99
00:10:12.020
something so gratifying about writing a dumb little joke about my butthole in the morning
0.97
00:10:16.660
thinking about it during the afternoon yeah trying it at night and being like wow 400 people left at
0.99
00:10:22.800
my butthole joke and then 46 years later you do a special
00:10:28.020
so yeah it's just been like stand-up's been the one constant that like i feel like i have
00:10:35.620
so much control over totally and it's it's so fun like i opened for taylor and bob and fortune
00:10:41.860
crazy yeah i've been their opener on all their theater tours yeah and it's a dream like skipping
00:10:48.240
out on stage making 2 000 people laugh and then skipping off to eat like buffalo wings while they
00:10:52.780
do their hour yeah it's the dream that's so amazing what's your favorite part of the process
00:10:58.460
of like creating the jokes like writing them oh i mean performing i get really scared to try stuff
00:11:04.820
but it's like when the thing works it's that laugh i'm good i'm in it for the laugh i get it
00:11:10.260
if science makes like a pill or a shot like or a glp7 that like makes me feel like laughter makes
00:11:16.360
me feel i'm a overdose i get that yeah i totally get that i love making people laugh so you do
00:11:22.300
your pod yes live on tour with my sister yeah and you've dabbled in stand-up yes but ultimately
00:11:27.660
you're like maybe not yeah i think for stand-up i think it's more so just all of the things i have
00:11:33.900
going on currently i have to like i just want i also know stand-up requires like a lot of manpower
00:11:40.160
like it's like a lot of man hours dedicated so it's really like to go and get used to it and
00:11:45.760
like really figure out your hour like and even just like workshopping like 5 10 yeah 20 30 like
00:11:52.280
Like all of it, I was like, I just don't know if this is the medium for me.
00:11:56.320
I do love making people laugh, like especially live.
00:11:58.900
So that's why I love performing live with my sister.
00:12:01.620
Next time we have a show, I would love for you to come if you'd like to come.
00:12:17.980
but it's so funny too that you accomplish the same goal that it takes me like a year
00:12:23.580
just by being yourself on stage you're very off the cuff very funny well thank you i knew i was
0.99
00:12:30.920
gonna suck your dick this whole episode and honestly if you can believe it that's a requirement
0.99
00:12:35.260
to be on the show so it's all right i'm glad i didn't have to bring it up thank you you made
1.00
00:12:39.380
it far less awkward yeah i'm a slut like that i was gonna do it anyway well even when i talked
0.73
00:12:46.760
to taylor about doing stand-up she was like don't do that and we laughed she was like that's that's
00:12:51.560
going backwards for you i was gonna say i love how much respect you have for it in that it really
00:12:56.860
does there's no way to skip it yeah you can't skip it you have to be in the trenches exactly
00:13:02.120
you have to fucking fail yeah and the best part about doing it the way we did it was we were
0.89
00:13:06.940
nobodies yeah who fumbled in bar shows you are somebody somebody yeah so it's harder someone
0.99
00:13:12.880
would love to get drew like messing up a joke that's what i'm saying like me bombing oh my no
00:13:19.240
for real that's why i was very like and that is like genuinely how i feel about stand-up i love
00:13:25.200
stand-up i love watching and i love consuming it i love laughing so i'm like it's it's a medium i've
00:13:31.040
had a very high respect for for a very long time and so i truly do think to get good you have to
00:13:37.480
put in the hours and like i just can't anymore and i also kind of talked to caleb about this too
00:13:42.520
when I opened for him a little bit but I was telling him like I also can't like I know my
00:13:48.280
audience so like if I advertise I'm gonna go do stand-up somewhere I know they're gonna show up
00:13:52.420
and then I know they're gonna laugh at anything I say which is great and I believe you I believe
00:13:56.900
you think I'm funny but I really want to find out for real if I'm funny and I literally I literally
00:14:00.900
can't because I don't have an anonymity so like it is one of those things I'm so sorry your diamonds
00:14:06.620
are so i know oh my steak is too juicy my lobster is too buttery oh god well and that's and you
00:14:12.460
know what like and maybe i just can't stop making money and maybe honestly maybe more influencers
00:14:20.540
should be like i don't this doesn't need me totally this doesn't need me like that's and
00:14:24.860
that's really how i see it i'm like you guys don't need me you're doing great and you know
00:14:28.140
what it would probably like ruin watching stand-up for you yeah the whole time i'm watching stand-up
00:14:33.660
up I'm like and then I turn it off but even like my brilliant friends I like 20 minutes is enough
00:14:45.120
I don't need to see an hour but I just stand up all the time yeah and you're constantly in it
00:14:49.320
what's what's like been the funniest like show you've ever had where you're like that was crazy
00:14:54.320
that that happened um have you had any crazy audience members or anything yeah definitely
00:15:00.280
what comes to mind is that my biggest bomb was your biggest bomb is what came to mind I mean
00:15:07.080
just like crazy in that it just stands it was trauma lowercase t trauma lowercase I mean we
00:15:15.080
can we can laugh feel free to laugh um but it was my first paid gig ever I was in my 20s it was a
00:15:20.380
gay cruise I was still drinking and doing drugs I'm sober now okay look at you 10 years isn't
1.00
00:15:25.900
crazy congratulations um but i was still very much in my cups and it was this older gay cruise
0.71
00:15:32.360
and i told an eight joke oh and they almost threw me off the boat oh yeah i see yeah the
00:15:42.960
comedians loved it that's actually where bob and i met he bob was hosting those shows bob's
00:15:49.020
cackling in the back the other comedians they love that men are actively about to like hunt me
00:15:55.640
down but i get what you mean like i i literally said going into stand-up i like literally when
00:16:00.880
i was gonna try i was like i just really don't want to find out the hard way i'm not funny like
00:16:05.160
that like because there is a difference between being like internet funny and live stage performance
00:16:10.680
funny sure so like i really do and i mean in the world of influencers yeah like they they have a
00:16:16.720
knack of telling people you're so funny you should do stand-up sure and then they go and they bomb
00:16:21.800
difference yeah it's a completely different art form and in that like the funniest comedian can
00:16:27.480
still eat a bag of dicks right exactly just depending on the mood of the crowd no totally
00:16:33.040
this is the worst crowd work interaction um I had a joke about like oh the joke was him I was like
0.99
00:16:38.800
gating gay dudes is hard am I right ladies and this woman goes yep it's way harder than you
1.00
00:16:45.560
think and I was like uh-oh someone got dumped by her gay boyfriend and she was like no he was my
1.00
00:16:51.020
husband I was like oh you married a gay guy damn how'd that end and she goes he killed himself
0.99
00:16:57.720
and then you go hmm well that kind of took the wind out of the sails I was on Drew I literally
1.00
00:17:06.180
went I'm not a good enough comedian to navigate this I was so honest I'd like to phone a friend
00:17:12.980
yeah well she was wrong and I was like and she's like do you want to see a picture of him I was
00:17:17.600
like i'm legally required to say yes like i'm not gonna say no so she brings up i'm gonna get
00:17:24.740
in trouble she brings up the camera on her phone and i go oh my god he's so handsome you guys he's
00:17:30.040
swinging from a rope and the crowd loved it and they died and they died and it killed it killed
00:17:39.220
them if you had to rate how i'm doing so far what would you say how you're doing so far what's the
00:17:45.380
what's the measure of rating is it like stars is a number um let's do number of stars okay out of
00:17:51.940
five sure okay i'll give you as of right now at this mark i would say i'd give you a three okay
00:17:58.160
yeah okay you're doing great this gives me some place to move yeah so somewhere to improve
00:18:03.500
somewhere to improve yeah okay and i will be self-harming in the car
00:18:09.520
no i'd give you a five no well now you're pandering and that's okay well see i was
00:18:16.560
i knew you were gonna say i was pandering so i tried to you know what's really kind of far
0.99
00:18:21.200
we have we have decimals in there too like a 4.2 well damn bitch i asked you for the scale no
1.00
00:18:28.820
i'm just kidding what's your okay what's your favorite city to perform in i like to ask stand
0.98
00:18:35.860
of that because the answers are so different across the board um probably chicago fun chicago
00:18:41.560
is a good time okay because you've got they are all alcoholics so they're like already rowdy and
00:18:47.300
i will say that to all their faces um but they're midwestern nice okay so they're like polite and
00:18:54.020
they're kind of like jovial that's been my experience down to have a good good time yeah
00:18:57.980
tacoma has been fun boston is great oh really i'm i'm doing boston in november oh i don't want to
00:19:05.040
jinx it but like i've actually a good time no you're right i've actually already performed in
00:19:09.100
boston so they're gonna love you too okay because the loud thing that's true you've got a bunch of
00:19:15.560
loud bitches over there from yeah that's true the itis that i have yes that's true that's what's the
1.00
00:19:21.780
your least favorite city to perform in um i will only say kansas city because i had a bad experience
0.98
00:19:27.980
there why um well it's just this thing where it's like you know you fly across the country
00:19:33.160
to spread your art and your love and make people better i went to kansas city and there was a drunk
00:19:41.320
loud girl dead center who just kept talking to me oh my god threw off every single joke like like
1.00
00:19:49.580
you were trying she was trying to have a conversation yes she was like answering
00:19:52.860
rhetorical questions kind of adding some color to what i already said she's giving context to
0.90
00:19:58.600
your story and this is my thing too i never get negative hecklers i get hecklers who love me and
00:20:04.960
want me to know that they're in the room she's like tell them zach oh what do you do and i'm just
00:20:15.880
like mama shut up mom mom i told you to stop coming to my shows mom i literally told you
1.00
00:20:23.960
stop coming to my fucking shows oh my god but yeah it's throwing off your timing and everything
1.00
00:20:37.400
everything i'm like one of those comics who like i get my jokes down to like as clean as i can like
0.99
00:20:42.440
not clean content but like clean like no extra words yeah so if someone's trying to be conversational
00:20:47.640
with me it's a jarring turn yeah especially with your timing like if you're trying to wait to give
0.95
00:20:53.400
of the punchline and she's talking she's talking what happened and i'm like fucking i'm about to
1.00
00:21:01.380
say it just wait you ever heard of a punchline bitch oh my god you i'm gonna punch something
1.00
00:21:10.900
if you don't be quiet that is so funny i've talked about that before i actually recently
0.99
00:21:17.220
my sister and i did a live show um in la like a month ago or no in january do you think fondly
00:21:24.000
of doing la shows yeah okay i mean la crowds are good i think they're they're fun it's scary though
00:21:28.780
because it's like your homie it's like it's like the people like yeah a lot of our friends come to
00:21:34.260
our la shows too okay so that is like one of those but it's more so la is really fun but i feel like
00:21:40.240
we had kick-ass shows in like portland like they were fucking awesome portland is great yeah
0.58
00:21:46.160
portland new york was great like opening night it's funny too because i like to say this like
0.65
00:21:50.180
i found out doing tour like and doing live comedy that there are jokes that kill in certain cities
00:21:56.940
and then they just do not hit in other cities for whatever reason because they're not geographical
00:22:02.120
like necessarily but like there was one i told in new york in opening night because i was like
00:22:07.540
they're gonna die in this joke and it was like basically the first time i saw road rage like
00:22:13.620
in new york and we were in like i did a brand thing they sent this like they're like oh we'll
00:22:18.460
send a car and there's like four of us so we we figured it was like an suv right something they
00:22:23.600
sent a ridiculous like party bus that had like flashing lights and no tint on the windows so
00:22:30.200
we're like sitting and it's like a club on wheels and like we're just sitting in silence like
0.75
00:22:34.160
looking at each other that feels very christian like let's let's keep things above the belt no
00:22:39.420
super like with no tint either so that's crazy in a school bus club like and it's like going
00:22:45.260
and the guy was a terrible driver he hit several cars no and he like at one point well you're
00:22:50.260
an accomplice you're an accomplice yeah literally we're like we're witnessing crimes as we're
00:22:54.380
driving and like he gets into an altercation the biker for real he hit someone he like gets into
00:23:01.960
a confrontation with like another driver they both roll down their windows and he's like cussing
1.00
00:23:06.620
at him mind you he's in like a three-piece suit and so he's like they're like fuck you fuck you
1.00
00:23:11.500
fuck you yeah and then he literally was like learn how to fucking drive to our driver and he goes
1.00
00:23:16.900
your mother and then rolls the window up really fast and we that joke killed like in new york it
1.00
00:23:22.860
fucking killed and like i kept referencing i kept going back to it your mother your mother just to
0.99
00:23:27.640
everything and they were dying the next day we did boston i think next day yeah boston brought
1.00
00:23:38.100
I thought maybe, because they're a little close, maybe.
00:23:51.420
You were like, it killed on the Planet of the Apes.
00:23:54.140
Yeah, I was like, the zoo, they ate that one up.
00:24:02.000
But also, so you know this feeling, nothing worse than, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:24:25.860
And like, the one in Dallas was, we watched Planet of the Apes.
00:24:31.220
like the joke I made basically it's like the movie franchise we love the movies we watch them
00:24:36.160
on the tour bus in Dallas um like when we come out we do like the same intro every single time
00:24:42.140
and they all cheer with us like because they're mentally ill like us thank you so they like they
00:24:47.680
almost like mimic like us so they did the exact same thing and in the movies they go apes together
00:24:53.900
strong like every single time they do something in unison they go apes together strong and I made
00:24:59.580
that joke killed so like the entire night i kept going back to that well and so then the next night
00:25:05.020
we're in houston still in texas i'm assuming you guys have the same copy paste copy paste copy
00:25:10.400
and then not one laugh not one it was actually really quiet and then i went oh not planet of
00:25:16.640
the apes fans no worries no worries no worries actually it's no worries i'm gonna kill that joke
0.88
00:25:21.040
the world's dry yeah and then i told it again in portland and it killed so it's very random it can't
00:25:26.840
be trusted no i can't did you have one jokes like that hit in some cities all of them not in others
00:25:33.040
all of them do you have one that hits in every city or a topic that tends to yeah i mean like
00:25:37.820
anything am i the every comedian i think has like their top tier bits and jokes that are like
00:25:44.680
pretty trustworthy like they're they're broad maybe they're oh you said this one like my mom
00:25:49.820
is a lesbian in my opinion congratulations and big laugh i said in my opinion yeah in my opinion
0.99
00:25:56.880
big laugh every time i've ever said it big laugh yeah um but then yeah and local people love local
0.99
00:26:04.120
jokes yeah that's true you could have said the dumbest thing about like boston cream pies or
0.73
00:26:09.220
something and they would have all orgasmed at the exact same time they would have had one big uproar
0.88
00:26:15.220
yeah i did make one joke when we were there because we were in somerville which is like
00:26:19.580
right outside of boston is it rich or like right outside of the main no oh but it's like right
00:26:24.840
outside the main city but i kept just saying boston and then they were like it's somerville
0.90
00:26:29.940
somerville and i go do you guys give a fuck about that because i don't and then they laughed great
0.87
00:26:35.080
i was like i'm gonna call you boston that's your name now your name's boston thank you
0.56
00:26:38.720
and you wish also and also you wish what's been uh one of your favorite moments of tour because
00:26:45.400
you mentioned you've been uh opening for some pretty hilarious people like yourself oh yeah
00:26:50.360
what's been some of your favorite moments on tour it's well bob had a tour bus oh fun and everyone
00:26:57.980
like warned me a tour bus rough is lie uh tour bus life is rough yeah uh there's the whole like
00:27:04.820
don't poop on the tour but there are all these like warnings yeah and then i got in there i had
00:27:09.900
the top bunk it was six or three yes i had one like that too i was uh the penthouse um and it
00:27:17.240
blasted the ac like on me yeah pitch black cubby rocking i was in heaven they had to pry me off
0.92
00:27:23.700
that goddamn bus you're so real for that because we also were so afraid of the bus like because we
0.97
00:27:28.460
heard the same thing it's really hard no pooping that kind of thing oh the turns in the middle of
1.00
00:27:34.020
No, we, every time it left, we felt heartbroken.
0.99
00:27:36.900
Like, when we would have to fly ahead, we'd be like, my Shayla, come back.
00:28:02.180
and days both have bracelets like we wear a lot of jewelry and so the girls on the bus were like
0.96
00:28:27.940
i always knew who was up because the jingling sounds different like my jingling sounds more
00:28:32.500
like jingle bells and her sounds like uh like ceramic like more than anything so they'd be
0.93
00:28:37.680
like oh that's tason that's not true that's tason and i just have like a foghorn every time
00:28:41.580
i know we were like we would like text in our uh group chat all the time while we were all laying
00:28:48.260
on the bus yeah and like having fun like one night one of our friends on the bus she was in a bad mood
0.94
00:28:53.340
so she went to bed early and then we stayed up late and we were making fun of carrie's exes on
1.00
00:28:58.440
the bus and we were laughing and we laughed for hours and we were like taking pictures of like
0.95
00:29:03.640
stupid shit we were doing and then a couple days later our other friend who went to bed early she
1.00
00:29:08.020
was like when did you guys do that and you dason was like oh you went to your bunk that night we
1.00
00:29:13.120
were all having fun in the living room while we were driving you went to your bunk to your bunk
00:29:17.480
it was so fun though i the bus was tea take me back yeah taylor threatened to do that two summers
00:29:25.700
ago um i know well i could threat yeah um to do a bus tour with uh me and her friend sophie
00:29:32.820
who you should also have love she's so funny but she and she was gonna do like a uh a tour across
0.82
00:29:39.300
the midwest and it didn't happen but i still kind of like pray that it does oh i'm sure it will
00:29:43.600
yeah she loves to tour oh my she loves to go on tour she's stand-up 100 yeah she is like she's
00:29:50.760
she's been offered the parts and things she's been you know yeah asked to do other stuff she
1.00
00:29:55.700
she's a stand-up girl no she is and she's really fucking good at it and also i remember we were
00:30:01.120
both on her show what was the name of her show i'm forgetting oh after midnight yeah after midnight
0.81
00:30:06.740
i said after midnight in my head but then i started thinking about um that chapel rome song
00:30:10.840
and then i thought that can't be right yeah that can't be right you're like my king is karma is
00:30:15.700
that it feminine nominom yeah i think that was the name of it yeah but uh how was your experience
00:30:22.440
on the show so fun i thought it was a blast so fun i had fun you know i actually have a question
00:30:27.220
okay oh yeah please i recently did this like audition type thing okay and before i go on
00:30:31.820
stage he goes yeah i'm really shocked they had you back three times the network wanted to ban
00:30:38.100
you after the first time you were on i'm about to go on stage too i go mama like what what anyways
0.69
00:30:47.700
yeah he was like you're i mean you're so dirty that no one wanted to have you back
00:30:53.380
i'm just telling you that by the way i know i go it's been lovely chatting
0.97
00:30:59.860
hey thanks for the time crazy that is an insane thing in your professional opinion
00:31:04.340
do you think he was trying to throw me yes i do okay i think he was yeah i think he was trying
00:31:09.860
to especially if what what were you auditioning for was it something was it based off like
00:31:14.200
personalities you have to riff or anything it was it was like five minute stand-up sets right okay
00:31:18.820
then yes i think i absolutely think so yes because it wasn't if it wasn't scripted and what you were
00:31:23.780
doing was like stand-up i do think it was like a psychological warfare thing do you ever think i
00:31:28.660
know you don't do that to people i don't do it either i don't even think to do it to people we
00:31:32.840
could ruin lives if we used our powers for that oh yeah i say all the time you guys should be
00:31:37.560
lucky that i'm that nice oh believe it or not that's me being nice yes online believe it or
00:31:42.560
not that's me being nice that is as far as it goes and that is all i can give you and that is
0.97
00:31:47.500
after years of therapy mind you like imagine if you caught me at 19 bitch please uh oh no no this
1.00
00:31:53.700
read was sponsored by better help for real that's why i said like that is not me being mean like
0.99
00:32:00.580
at all that's me having fun and being silly if i was actually gonna be mean the shit i would
0.98
00:32:05.340
this shit i'd say would you go to you'd be deported grippy sock kingdom yeah that's where
0.99
00:32:10.220
the fuck you're going and that's and that's like when i'm like that is a gift i'm giving you a
1.00
00:32:14.280
gift totally like you should be lucky i'm not clocked in for real oh my gosh that is an insane
1.00
00:32:19.040
thing to say to you though i think so it really i mean it worked i still did great but like he oh
00:32:24.180
and he said it before yeah okay then yes i even more so i'm even more connected straight guy so
00:32:29.540
i'm like and what i already think he's up to no good well and what a straight guy thing to do
00:32:33.720
i i know like what a weird like 80s movie bully thing to do it's like okay brad yeah that's such
00:32:42.460
a like the slopes yeah i really don't know that feels so like tv yeah i know no it was very surreal
00:32:50.140
and i just bring bring it up because it really does feel like did that happen like what a crazy
00:32:56.460
thing well and i know too because when i was on the show and i was like i guess what so it wasn't
00:33:01.620
very long and they already had like the three comedians and i'll tell you who they were later
00:33:05.920
but they they actually i only remember one of them i don't remember the other two but
00:33:10.080
um i it was like supposed to be like a dating thing like daddy's a dating show like from the
00:33:15.900
70s and basically like i was asking them questions and they had to pick one of them or yeah and so
00:33:20.900
like what i didn't know about the skit was like they would be putting up something behind me that
00:33:25.400
they would have to work into their answer got it so then i would just have to react to the answer
00:33:29.640
so i didn't have to have anything written yeah um but i was like you guys cool with improv i'm cool
00:33:34.720
with improv because they asked me if i wanted jokes written for me and i was like no and also
00:33:39.220
how would that work if they're riffing like how yeah then i realized after they would know well
00:33:44.020
then i realized after i was a contestant that they write them ahead of time yes like the jokes and
00:33:47.700
stuff you like pick the ones that you want yes so there was a segment where they had dogs and they
00:33:52.480
were saying like is this dog good or bad and like why or whatever and so i was like bad and because
00:33:58.200
it was a german shepherd and i was like it's a cop right which no one laughed and then i go oh are we
00:34:04.380
supporting the thin blue line here that made everybody laugh and i was like oh everybody
00:34:08.900
tell everyone after midnight supports the blue lives matter movement and that killed everyone
0.99
00:34:14.020
they cut that whole i knew it i knew it they cut my best joke they're cowards yeah they're cowards
1.00
00:34:25.460
I was like, oh, what are we, thin blue line supporters here?
00:34:38.600
Tell me if I'm alone here, but shopping used to feel more fun.
00:34:43.300
Before, all the algorithm fed blah and endless sea of dupes.
00:34:50.480
i've found that fun feeling again on ebay it's not mindless scrolling it's a fashion pursuit
00:34:58.540
and when you score that rare sneaker or the bag you've been manifesting it's a rush ebay has
00:35:05.440
millions of pre-loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay authenticity guarantee
00:35:11.660
ebay things people love to pivot i do have some fun facts about you i'm yeah i'm scared and i
00:35:18.060
i would love to read them too and we can go through them together okay so um oh wait hold
00:35:23.520
on sorry i opened the wrong one let me do whoever's you pulled up that was jinx monsoons okay
00:35:28.760
i'm like you jinx look alike you sold out broadway eight shows in a row i'm like
0.51
00:35:35.080
okay this one says you recently posted on instagram never forget the time my manager's
00:35:41.240
girlfriend tried to set me up with her friend brian but i already had his number stored in my
00:35:45.200
phone as brian best bj ever yeah is that for real oh yeah yeah it was so awkward too
00:35:51.540
sometimes when i listen to my gay friends talk i feel like uh jennifer coolidge when she's like
0.76
00:35:58.720
these gays they're trying to kill me that's how you just stress me out yeah you know we've really
1.00
00:36:06.560
figured it out from my perspective because me and brian texted after that oh wow but yeah he and i
0.97
00:36:13.120
had hooked up before he gave me a great beach and then i was hanging with my manager and his
00:36:17.660
girlfriend she's like my friend brian um really would love to like go out sometime blah blah and
00:36:22.060
i was like oh yeah give me his number and put in my number my phone is it brian i he's stored
00:36:26.400
and i showed you believe i'm best bj ever would you believe you know what's funny is i still have
00:36:32.380
contacts in my phone from like years ago like when i was in college yeah and one time i was
00:36:37.780
scrolling through my phone uh trying to see if i had someone's number and i had a contact in there
0.84
00:36:43.060
I literally am going to look it up right now because I was like what in the fuck oh no even
00:36:47.360
is this like I think it was something it's like Bailey stole my hair no it literally says
0.99
00:36:52.600
fucking security guard DC bar and then a bunch of question marks
0.95
00:36:57.200
and this is a real I'll like was that from like a brownout night I really genuinely I've only been
0.99
00:37:04.760
to DC I think one time when I was in college starts with fucking yeah it says fucking security
0.59
00:37:09.520
guard dc bar is anyone else in your phone that starts with fucking no that's why i was like
0.99
00:37:13.860
who the fuck is that when i saw it i was like yo what the fuck i i i don't know i do kind of
0.99
00:37:21.180
remember like when i went to dc in college one of my girlfriends had lived there for a while so she
0.99
00:37:26.820
was like let's go out like after we finished because i went for school we went to like this
00:37:31.100
work thing yeah and then that night we went out and then i remember we were having so much fun
00:37:35.700
we were in this like three-story like bar a bunch of rich like blue like white collar guys so they
00:37:41.020
have money and they're willing to buy drinks so we were having a time of our lives and then i had
0.98
00:37:45.700
this like backpack purse at the time and i was like oh just put all your shit in my backpack
0.92
00:37:49.860
and then i had put it under a table so we could like dance and stuff because my backpack was just
0.85
00:37:55.480
hitting everyone it was just getting in the way yeah went on to look under the table gone no
00:37:59.400
all of our shit was in there so then i went and i was talking to a security guard who i think was
0.81
00:38:04.960
attracted to me but that's neither here nor there just really like saying it he might have worked
0.96
00:38:08.360
harder yeah and I say it because I was leveraging um I guess like stereotypes against me at the
00:38:14.340
time like tits pushed up to my neck yeah of course I was like using that to try and get my stuff back
0.75
00:38:18.860
yeah I was like please help me please yeah yeah yeah and then uh he didn't I actually my friend
0.98
00:38:23.780
ended up finding the backpack this girl had taken it by accident and she left it somewhere else
00:38:28.140
so we ended up finding all of our things and it was all in there yeah but I like the night is very
00:38:32.580
spotty yeah but i do remember asking a security guard for help i think it's his number because i
00:38:37.300
think i pushed it a little too hard i think he thought i was like wanted to hang and i was like
00:38:42.140
okay and i didn't remember his name so i just wrote that in there you actually gave yourself
00:38:45.920
a lot of information i laid the clues out girl you're gonna need this so i could find it again
00:38:52.740
i could find my i do remember though something distinctly i remember about that night i left
00:38:57.020
the bar and across the street there was this pizza place and they would stay they would open
00:39:01.220
at like 9 p.m and close at like 4 a.m so they would do like two dollar slices and they would
00:39:06.720
just be selling so many of them and they're huge and me and my friend went to go get them
00:39:10.400
and we were eating drunk having a great time found my backpack we're living high
00:39:15.220
and then these guys there was this group of terrible men near us obviously like when they're
00:39:20.180
not like a drug dog i could smell them and so they were literally like commiserating nothing
00:39:25.800
good ever when they look like they're plotting and there was also a group of dolls and the dolls
00:39:30.060
were walking and they were fab but the dolls were walking minding their own business yeah and then
00:39:35.500
they started being super transphobic to them and saying awful things my friend in the middle of me
00:39:40.780
talking to her because i didn't see this happening i was like talking in the middle of me talking
0.99
00:39:45.020
she stands up and then throws her pizza hard as fuck at like the back of the main dude doing it
1.00
00:39:51.760
hell yeah and it hit him hard as fuck and she said fuck you and that guy got so mad they stopped
1.00
00:39:58.900
harassing those girls the girls left and they killed your and then she was like now look at my
1.00
00:40:02.820
fucking pizza now i don't even get to eat my pizza and we laughed we laughed so hard and they didn't
1.00
00:40:07.900
do anything about it good yeah i bet it stuck to his bald ass spot on the back there was like pizza
0.99
00:40:13.800
sauce on his shoulder and i was laughing and i was sitting there and i was laughing and then i shared
0.88
00:40:20.140
my pizza with her it was a beautiful night oh my gosh that's all i really remember afford another
00:40:23.700
two dollar slice no we and we couldn't we ended the patriarchy tonight i was like i was like you
00:40:28.620
know what ally you earn this ally give her some of my pizza okay next fun fact it says in i love
00:40:37.520
that the first fact was just a post i posted on instagram well maybe are you living are you living
00:40:43.760
under the off the grid is that maybe every day i move closer to wanting to like setting my birth
00:40:49.640
certificate on fire oh you and me you and me both honestly okay it says in 2018 you bought a toyota
00:40:55.240
prius named nana oh yeah i named nana my nana nana she so i'd been saving up i rode a motorcycle
00:41:01.320
for nine years no way i what kind of motorcycle is homophobia um is it no no what what happened
0.94
00:41:09.920
is you feared for my life and you feared for the lives around you're gay it's because you're a
0.99
00:41:13.220
twink thank you thank you america's oldest living twink as bob as bob calls me bob introduced me
0.98
00:41:20.220
It's America's Oldest Living Twink, Zach Noe Towers,
00:41:22.300
or David Spade impersonator, Zach Noe Towers.
1.00
00:41:40.020
And to be clear, I got it because I was in love with my roommate.
00:41:49.920
and then we'll drive off into the sunset right that part didn't happen but you're out with a
00:41:55.340
scarf tied around yes exactly oh my god in my little side car um but he taught me how to ride
00:42:01.040
and i it was great way to get around to la because the weather's always nice and it's true
00:42:04.600
between cars and stuff traffic and everything i've been saving up to get a car and then my nana
00:42:09.460
passed and she left us i think five thousand dollars which back then was like yeah i wish
00:42:16.660
she had died sooner i'm kidding um just kidding she's one of my favorite people that's ever
00:42:21.340
existed nana if you're listening i love you um but i was able to get like a nicer car because
00:42:27.180
of the 5000 and you know what i also had a prius i have a prius still i upgraded to a prius prime
00:42:33.520
oh i what do you drive my prius do you have like a really nice car no i have a and i don't want to
00:42:40.140
hear it because i got it a long time ago i have a tesla oh okay that's okay yeah but i'm just like
00:42:44.640
a cyber truck right a cyber truck no oh yes yes yes yes yes and it's chrome
00:42:51.260
and it says i love america on the outside of it a thin blue line yeah
00:42:55.980
no that's the sticker on the back obviously i shoot first and ask questions later
00:43:01.560
um don't tread on me the way i want to instinctively drag a shovel across every
1.00
00:43:07.320
cyber truck and they're ugly they're as fuck ugly and imposing no and they're an eyesore
1.00
00:43:13.600
the quickest litmus test for a walking asshole i know i agree and they're fucking they're just dumb
1.00
00:43:19.360
they're dumb as hell they look dumb as hell and the people driving them are dumb as hell yeah
1.00
00:43:23.300
there you go we got them yeah but i loved my prius i had my prius for so long we actually
1.00
00:43:29.100
still have the prius i think i gave it to my brother now yeah my brother now has my prius
00:43:32.880
oh to be clear mine's like a plug-in hybrid so the first 25 miles are pure electric i get 85
0.90
00:43:38.520
miles to the gallon and that's on fucking period isn't that on period that's exactly why i sound
0.94
00:43:43.660
like a cop when i say stuff like that i just started saying things slap it's too late it's
0.98
00:43:51.400
too late it's too late wig oh my god wig wig oh my god wig her the best part of that clip is her
1.00
00:43:58.820
not being able to explain yeah exactly what it means we're katie using it improperly and
00:44:05.100
don't know the definition sounds like a white trade for real okay uh this next one says the
00:44:12.240
SAG Actors Fund gave you a $40 check in the mail for a new pair of shoes now who's talking to the
00:44:18.360
IRS here that's great okay this is actually this is tea um that the I've been SAG for a long time
00:44:26.300
and they have this shoe fund where you they reimburse you up to like 40 or 50 dollars
00:44:32.860
for a pair of shoes every year it's like this old actor put it did you know you should you're
00:44:38.860
missing out on some free shoes um so yeah once a year i usually go to crossroads and i get my like
00:44:44.420
40 pair of shoes and i send in my receipt i haven't done it in a long time but like
00:44:49.840
it's cool if you're it's such a weird thing too if you're a sag like a union actor and can't
00:44:55.620
afford shoes no it's a great thing actually it's actually crazy yeah i actually believe it or not
00:45:00.860
am not sag i really yeah i've done lots of like commercials but i don't i don't really like i've
00:45:06.920
done a lot of illegal work i've just like i'm really unclear honestly on like the parameters
00:45:12.120
because i've done commercials but for social so i don't know like i but i was in a commercial that
00:45:17.120
was on tv once too so it's like i really am unclear they have a warrant out for your arrest
00:45:22.180
what's gonna happen is you're gonna be taft heart lead which is just you're gonna book some
00:45:28.200
an acting role in like i don't know lucifer season six i don't know where that came from in my head
00:45:35.220
see that's why is it like am i getting older or is it dementia
00:45:38.240
porcino los dos honestly porcino los dos exacto mundo um but they're just gonna be like it's
00:45:46.780
gonna be paperwork and it costs a shit ton to join the union now but it does have a lot of
00:45:51.840
great perks i know i've heard it's fucking awesome that's why i'm like i honestly don't
0.86
00:45:55.680
no every time they ask me and every time i check it says no no you know when you feel like you can
00:46:00.300
google it yeah it's like yeah um i love though that you are pursuing acting yes and do you have
0.96
00:46:08.260
any tips for me um no i don't book either i two dumb bitches saying exactly back and forth i know
1.00
00:46:16.200
that's fucking right it's so funny and you know what's gonna happen to you maybe eventually and
0.82
00:46:19.520
i hope it doesn't actually someone will contact you and be like we wrote this part for you i hope
0.92
00:46:24.840
and then you won't get it honestly i believe you we actually found someone that does you better
00:46:31.180
well yeah well and i've said this before i think but like i gotta read for a very very very small
00:46:38.580
role on you for you oh no no believe it or not moana too i have sneaking suspicions that they
00:46:45.100
they wanted me to read just to see sure also because i'm someone i mean i'm sure but like
00:47:19.520
Yeah. Anyway, go on. And that's and that's great advice for me.
00:47:22.780
Like even my I have an acting coach that I work with and he's told me that, too.
00:47:27.600
Like he was like each role is just like if it's meant to be, it'll come back to me.
00:47:30.680
If not, I did my best. Your job is just to do the tape, have fun and like do your best.
00:47:36.880
Yeah, exactly. I have to keep reminding myself about that, too, because I feel a rage that is borderline Republican when I'm not good at things immediately.
00:47:45.540
Oh, so it's something I do fight like a werewolf. You know what I mean?
00:48:01.520
A gay friend took me to a gun range, and we shot stuff.
00:48:10.140
And then I did one where it was, like, the picture was, like, a criminal holding a woman hostage.
00:48:19.520
got her in the cooch got her in the hair you're creating a backstory for it he was safe he was
00:48:24.660
marked safe on facebook the only no one's safe on facebook i've never been to a gun range i i
00:48:31.420
honestly really don't have any desire to go but like i i went to this one like simulation thing
00:48:36.460
because my brother-in-law was in the military um he no longer is but he was and we went to this
00:48:41.440
like simulation thing they used to like train oh god cops or like jumping out yeah like and it's
00:48:47.460
like a 360 thing so like you you're holding a prop gun on your six yeah and so like you like go
00:48:53.720
you'll select the situation so it's like oh it's a domestic violence call oh it's a movie theater
00:48:58.940
yeah and it plays it like it's pov like it's first person so you're like walking in and then you have
00:49:04.080
to assess and decide what you're gonna do whatever um it was honestly scary and awful but there was
00:49:09.820
one part where you had to just shoot targets and it just wanted to see how fast you could shoot
00:49:13.580
five of them and just you're we were just going for time and like my my man is very very competitive
00:49:21.020
my brother-in-law is like obscenely competitive so it's like do they get angry what happens
0.97
00:49:27.400
dumb bitches saying exactly back and forth like the two of them competing but like but it's also
1.00
00:49:31.840
like there's an age gap too so like my my man's the oldest so it's one of those where they just
1.00
00:49:36.620
like silently compete until it becomes too much and everybody has to go home and like this isn't
00:49:40.500
fun anymore yeah so when i was doing it all i was trying to beat was him because i know he hates
00:49:44.740
being beat and also he's in the military he got he's trained to shoot like literally trained to
00:49:49.540
shoot one time my brother-in-law locked my guest room door on accident like from the inside and
0.99
00:49:55.900
all his shit was in there and all the windows were locked so i had to hire a locksmith to come and
0.97
00:49:59.780
open it like 300 bucks mind you it was fucking crazy but i was like can you pick the lock and
1.00
00:50:05.460
he goes no and i go they taught you how to shoot someone from a hundred yards away and they didn't
1.00
00:50:12.240
teach you how to pick a fucking lock in the military shoot the lock how useless what a
1.00
00:50:16.900
useless fucking skill set my tax dollars my tax dollars yeah start training them to pick locks
1.00
00:50:22.260
it's a far more useful or braid hair something something god okay let's get back to your fun
1.00
00:50:30.100
facts okay okay this one says in 2016 you lived next door to an elderly woman named lulu she's
00:50:37.660
still there she's the bane of my existence we used to be friends and now your enemies lulu
1.00
00:50:43.740
thinks we live in new york city because this bitch rises with the sun and she's slamming
1.00
00:50:49.340
containers she's slamming trash cans what is she doing in there look at this is where i respect
1.00
00:50:54.460
the hustle she's looking for like cans and and things to like recycle she's like a big recycler
1.00
00:51:16.920
Yeah basically I'm like this is not our culture
00:51:26.980
she's my enemy and she's so nice actually lulu if you're listening and i know you're not because
00:51:31.660
you don't know what podcasts are i know you're a huge fan of the comment section so she always
00:51:35.160
like asked me some questions when i'm leaving sometimes a hookup will be leaving and she'll
0.65
00:51:40.000
interview him hi and how was your stay how are you who are you here to see i'm like leave him
00:51:47.720
alone i don't know his name i'm like oh it's brian oh we're taking role at the door and what
00:51:53.920
and can we expect you again tomorrow could you just fill out this quick survey could you sign
00:51:58.720
the guest book on your way out yeah but i'm like lulu leave him alone when i was in college my
00:52:09.920
friend and i lived in a duplex so like our our house was connected yeah like living next door
00:52:15.100
to a friend well no we both lived in the duplex like in the house together but our landlord lived
00:52:20.520
in the front house nightmare and she had she was i think 2 000 years old um i've been dead for 80
00:52:27.340
yeah give or take 2000 and she had like six little dogs and they would yap all the time and she had
00:52:33.500
like an adult daughter who was like in her 40s living in the house and like i had a moped in
00:52:38.080
college so i would pack i would park it behind my house and like walk it up back there and then i
00:52:42.620
would start it back there and then i would just wheel it up and then drive off on the driveway
00:52:46.840
yeah but it's not loud like a motorcycle so it just sounds like like a little like a car almost
00:52:52.820
and so she yelled at me once because she was like you start that moped and it's so loud and
0.99
00:52:59.200
blah blah blah I'm like no it's not and she was like well you're waking up my daughter and I was
0.98
00:53:03.540
like your daughter is 40 and it's 9 30 a.m that bitch should be awake are you hey the fellow
1.00
00:53:10.100
adult yeah hey clock in ho don't you have a job to get to my moped sounds like one and a half of
0.99
00:53:14.940
your dogs yeah literally like your dogs yeah whatever but she like so we were kind of ops
00:53:19.820
for a while like in the beginning she was really but she had this crazy vendetta against the woman
1.00
00:53:26.700
who lived behind us great so like i like there was like a fence and i could see that woman gardening
1.00
00:53:31.060
and like one time my roommate who's like still one of my really good friends to this day
00:53:35.140
she was like um i guess they were kind of keying about the lady behind the house and she was like
0.98
00:53:39.700
oh i can't stand that lady and then after my friend bonded with her on some hater shit
1.00
00:53:44.420
then she like loved us of course so that when i had this i was dating this guy that was awful
0.97
00:53:49.440
in college once and he um but i didn't know he was awful yet and he just showed up to my house
00:53:54.540
um drunk one time but i wasn't there and neither was my roommate so he was like knocking on the
00:53:59.280
door and my window was right by the door so he was like drew drew like yelling my name
00:54:02.820
and her name was hoa shouts out to hoa she went outside and she was like who are you
00:54:08.140
who are you what are you doing here because it was like 9 p.m she's a shot off yeah yeah like
00:54:12.980
she had something in her hand and then she was like yeah and he was like I'm friends with Drew
00:54:17.640
like Drew lives here and she goes nobody lives here by that name oh and then the next time I
00:54:22.180
saw her she goes don't worry I told him to get out of here and I was like okay I was like hey
00:54:27.200
shouts out to my girl period because I didn't know I hated him yet but I was like it's okay
00:54:31.120
you don't need to do that she was like well I don't know and I was like you know what you're
00:54:35.060
right she's I'm gonna lead with this foot this angry ass foot so just in case I don't know who
1.00
00:54:40.200
that is i was like she's a real bitch honestly she was looking out for me yeah so we had a real
1.00
00:54:44.760
enemies to lovers arc that's beautiful that's beautiful and it's like anything like the love
0.98
00:54:49.600
turns into hate the hate turns into love it's like very thin emotion yeah yeah and that's you
00:54:53.940
and lulu you're playing a love i'm gonna fall in love with her at some point lavender marriage
00:54:59.240
probably not but maybe okay last fun fact okay it says as a child you could do the splits and
00:55:06.780
then the follow-up question is can you still no i can't damn i do want to be flexible if anyone
00:55:13.580
any particular reason i mean just because because i'm i'm entering the last stage of my life
00:55:20.160
i don't want to like i don't know acting like you're 90 years but in la like 40 is kind of like
00:55:27.320
it's crazy it's only if you look 40 that's fair and you don't thank you there you go i feel like
00:55:32.860
you have to say that just like i mean no okay okay okay okay you're crazy i just got insecure
00:55:37.560
you saw it happen we watched it happen live i dipped in you play it back and i go
00:55:46.460
um sorry i just got insecure i just like i know that like flexibility is like a huge part of like
00:55:56.360
aging gracefully it's very true that and also building muscle are you a very do you like to
00:56:01.340
build muscle you look pretty flexible to me and you're in jeans you're right that's a lot
00:56:06.600
which is hard for me to wear as a like an older millennial i want to wear tight pants you want
00:56:11.820
to wear a skin tight yeah these kids these days they look like extras on clueless just grungy
00:56:19.000
grungy grungy um girl you need tailor fitted pants you need some tight pants but i do work
00:56:26.080
out like almost every day i love doing a stair machine oh do you oh do you have a preference
00:56:30.660
of workout like do you like a class do you like the gym you know I think I would be a class girly
00:56:36.020
if I gave myself a chance but I do like to like not be talked to me too there is nothing worse
00:56:42.200
than a correction during a class I'm like I'm gonna kill myself everyone's looking at how I
00:56:48.340
can't arch my back right now now that's all they're all thinking yes exactly like this stiff
00:56:53.360
in the back row you're like oh my god remember earlier when they corrected Zach's form they're
00:56:58.400
all talking about you literally you know that's true i wish it weren't but it's true have you
00:57:03.700
ever tried crossfit no yeah it's terrible do i look like i could sustain a crossfit class honestly
00:57:09.720
and this is me being so serious as someone who has done crossfit yes really yeah i feel like i
00:57:15.100
would try to flip my little like little tight tire and like wrench everything in my body
00:57:19.800
you rip it your arms are still on there like mr potato head
0.96
00:57:24.000
no i do like there's something beautiful about a class because do you wait what are you are you
00:57:31.800
do you do i like the gym i like going to the gym by myself and you lift yeah yeah like i do a lot
00:57:37.660
of weight lifting yeah my problem is like i can go to the gym and time passes but no one knows if
00:57:43.320
i worked out god only knows what i'm doing in there god check the footage i enter and i leave
00:57:49.920
but i don't know blackout when i don't know what happened in the middle um but with a class you're
00:57:55.240
like obviously like i have to impress brad um so i'm like about to throw up because i'm trying to
00:57:59.920
keep up and i see probably making positive change to my body unfortunately unfortunately yeah i feel
00:58:06.880
like i was i did try i've tried many different classes though like i've tried class workouts i
00:58:11.380
think they're great yeah i just like personally i prefer to move at my own pace thank you and
00:58:15.620
headphones yeah and headphones i get to listen to music and stuff or like other things sometimes i
00:58:20.760
listen to like youtube videos like while i'm working out like and learn yeah or like if they're
00:58:25.060
podcasts or stuff sometimes i'll listen to my own interviews and i say that in earnest sometimes i
00:58:30.980
listen to my own interviews and it's literally i compare it to like watching tape like athletes
00:58:35.300
oh where i'm like i'm listening to myself and i'm like i could marry i could wrap that joke up a
00:58:40.500
little sooner uh comedians do that me giving myself notes yeah no I mean honestly I can't
00:58:47.380
stand the sound of my voice like when I hear it I'm like shut up but it's so helpful to do what
00:58:55.120
you do yeah I think so and I was like with your live shows no I have well actually we've only
00:59:01.460
recorded a few live shows and so I have I have listened like to parts of it but I don't listen
00:59:05.440
to the live show all the way through it can help with live stuff that's actually a really good
00:59:09.260
thing a really good no i never even thought of it that way also are you flexible and you
00:59:12.880
prove it i honestly really know i've never been able to do the splits i don't think i just don't
00:59:19.820
think i've tried hard enough i don't think i've put i've also like really attributed me being big
00:59:24.460
and tall as like the reason i couldn't do those things then when i started seeing tall people do
00:59:29.140
it i was like well now you're fucking up my excuse yeah now i have to get in there and well then i
0.99
00:59:33.460
saw meg the stallion do it and i was like well what the fuck no i gotta like i can't stand behind
0.96
00:59:37.360
that anymore no clearly the height's not affecting it i was just lying that's so rude of them i was
0.92
00:59:42.180
so rude of meg the stallion to do that to me the fellow talls yeah the fellow stallions it's really
00:59:46.520
upsetting that's such a bummer i'm much more of a pony myself you're a pony i'm a stallion
00:59:52.660
okay so to wrap us i would love to know if you have any advice for any aspiring artists whether
01:00:00.900
it's comedians like stand-up or actors um the advice that I try to take myself is kind of what
01:00:08.200
I touched on earlier like my job is just to create yeah and like kind of follow my heart make things
01:00:15.360
that make me laugh and stay out of the results right like you it's like that classic you work
01:00:22.240
so hard on a video or whatever you put it out crickets you you know fart into the microphone
0.51
01:00:26.480
8 million views yeah totally and it's just like so let go yeah let go of the result just enjoy
01:00:33.400
what you're doing like because that is the point of art is the point yeah the point is being able
01:00:39.040
to monetize it is great but the point is to create i that's what i think at least yeah totally i think
01:00:44.760
that's beautiful yeah just and do it like a lot of people sit on something for a long time trying
01:00:49.800
to make it perfect or like so skip do it you gotta just do it you gotta let it fly you gotta be messy
01:00:54.540
very true yeah and like you said like sometimes the the learning is in the doing like sometimes
01:00:59.100
you need to fail and like see it fail in order for it to it's necessary yeah absolutely no one
01:01:04.480
is what's the thing oh for 10 is it 10 for 10 what's the sports thing when you get it all
01:01:10.160
okay um but no one is like all hits no one's graph is like yeah like all wins it's this yeah
01:01:21.180
absolutely you're looking for an upward trajectory especially as an artist yes yeah it's like the
01:01:26.000
name of the game unfortunately yeah and most of us are ahead of the curve yeah so you're gonna feel
01:01:30.680
you're gonna feel vulnerable you're gonna feel like exposed you're gonna feel silly yeah who
0.99
01:01:35.440
cares and you know what clown for hire that's what i am honk honk yeah really bitch i got a tiny car
1.00
01:01:43.040
pass my ass in it i'll bring the peanuts period you bring the elephant okay careful with that
1.00
01:01:49.440
elephant now i want to watch the greatest showman yeah oh my god i loved that movie when it first
1.00
01:01:57.060
came out i want to say this with not an ounce of like sarcasm top five favorite movies top five
01:02:04.120
it came out during the holidays i lied to my family on christmas eve about having to do work
01:02:09.860
went to see it guess where i was parked in the theater yeah this brings me joy the duet between
01:02:17.600
zach everyone and hugh jackman yeah i was gonna say and zendaya oh that was great give me zendaya
01:02:22.800
swinging from a rope around the building oh my god love it speaking of a stallion with a little
01:02:27.660
pony that was her and zach efron oh yes oh yes zach efron birthday twin birthday twin with you
01:02:36.360
after over 18 all i know is zendaya's a virgo so and i'm also a virgo stop so look at us me and
01:02:41.580
your man or libras now you and i have to do the greatest showman oh yeah but you be zendaya and
01:02:48.620
i'll be i know you thought you were gonna send me through a twist on that one i was like i was
0.78
01:02:54.200
waiting i was like i hope this bitch doesn't think she's zendaya you beat me to it there you go thank
1.00
01:03:00.100
you so much for coming on the show thank you for having me i fucking love you i love you too you're
0.98
01:03:04.260
the best it has been a joy it has been a joy and a pleasure and where can everybody find you oh my
0.69
01:03:12.540
I'm also going to be in London doing a show August 1st at Leicester Square.
01:03:29.800
You should come to like the, I'll invite you to the little party we're having.
01:03:37.940
also i just got pr for the first time and i thought this was them and they go oh no we didn't do that
01:03:43.760
i went bitch you better step it up then because i got drew on my own oh you thought this oh i see
0.99
01:03:50.620
no mama that was me thank you that was me there you go and i'll ask i'll invoice you for my 10
0.98
01:03:56.660
you do it what's 10 of eight dollars no one knows we'll split it we'll split it you me and
01:04:02.820
your sister we'll split it and your sister oh now the pie's getting a little bit too small okay yeah
01:04:08.520
see we got to revaluate yeah yeah well thank you for coming on i love you you're amazing thank you
01:04:14.040
all so much for tuning into this episode of the comment section don't forget new episodes drop
01:04:17.440
every wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms and the video lives exclusively
01:04:22.340
on spotify make sure y'all follow zach he is so funny and so amazing and obviously we're in love
01:04:27.780
now so go ahead and get with it and i'll see you next week bye