The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - CLOWN FOR HIRE Ft. Zach Noe Towers

00:00:00.000 Moved out here as a demon twink at 22, full demon twink, had my horns removed recently.

00:00:06.220 Well, I'm so happy for you.

00:00:08.020 Thank you.

00:00:08.740 Gender affirming care.

00:00:09.860 Yeah.

00:00:18.380 Hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show.

00:00:21.920 Sorry, me, your fave, everybody knows me, who cares about me?

00:00:24.600 On to the guest.

00:00:25.720 Today we have the iconic, the legendary, the one, the only, Zach Noe Towers.

00:00:30.820 Woo!

00:00:32.520 Hi!

00:00:33.260 Hello.

00:00:33.940 I love the fart sound.

00:00:35.420 Oh my gosh.

00:00:36.500 Every episode I listen to him, I'm like, I can't wait for the fart for whatever reason.

00:00:39.560 I know, I remember one time, I don't remember who it was, but I was thinking too much about

00:00:45.200 the words I was saying, and I forgot the fart sound, and I was like, damn, sorry y'all.

00:00:49.960 Super fans know.

00:00:50.880 Yeah, I'm sure someone will tell me.

00:00:52.520 They're like, oh, episode 133.

00:00:55.720 This episode is presented by Too Good & Co. Creamer.

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00:01:21.620 for a rich, creamy, and delicious experience.

00:01:23.900 find two good creamers in the creamer aisle how are you I'm great I said this before and I said

00:01:30.580 it before so I wouldn't say this time but I'm so excited to be here I'm so excited to have you

00:01:34.700 I'm honored to have you it's a dream and your friend well a lot of people that you're really

00:01:39.360 good friends with have been on the show oh yeah so it was natural because you've had Bob yes and

00:01:43.480 Taylor comedian girlies yes the stand-up queens y'all are you are so funny thank you you can kind

00:01:50.740 to make anyone funny that's that's that's why people keep tuning in i think and that's why

00:01:54.380 taylor thompson keeps coming because she needs my help yes she desperately needs my help you know

00:01:58.180 the special thanks that just says drew off well yeah she says and credit drew off well yes i made

00:02:02.820 her funny yes you did me saying that she has six netflix specials no sure that's all me anywho how

00:02:09.680 have you been um how's life going for you life's so good yeah i told you this i turned 40 recently

00:02:16.000 which has been like which hello oh no you look amazing thank you security tried to drag me out

00:02:22.000 of the building when i said it but it's okay in tiktok years i'm i'm a hundred and two i can't

00:02:28.160 with that yeah it's jarring that there's another generation already like i just got an are you

00:02:34.040 no i'm millennial okay i'm elder millennial but okay it's so crazy that like alphas are coming

00:02:40.220 i'm like i thought we're good with gen z i feel like okay that's enough i don't think we need

00:02:44.640 anymore if i'm being honest it's okay no more no more stop having babies they're so mean to me

00:02:51.880 babies i don't know babies actually love me which is ironic because i don't want kids

00:02:56.960 oh me neither yeah i don't want kids but i'm like i i'm a magnet for kids they love me well

00:03:02.040 because you give fun aunt yeah no offense no it's true but i also think it's like maybe it's an

00:03:07.300 opposites attract thing or like cats find the person they don't right yeah exactly that's what

00:03:12.560 i'm like i think they can sense i don't really i'm not really fucking with my own yeah so then

00:03:16.980 they're like oh she's cool you know what i mean yeah you pass the vibe check yeah i'm really we

00:03:22.120 have a mutual understanding me and children there's also nothing better than i have one friend

00:03:26.180 maddie from high school who's actually now the principal of that high school that's crazy isn't

00:03:31.120 that crazy i could ruin her in a second i could be like you guys know what she did when we were

00:03:37.820 your age she mixed beer with root beer i'm gonna go start rumors at that high school not rumors

00:03:43.800 honey i have flash photography evidence we used digital cameras were a thing right when i was in

00:03:50.340 time yeah she has a child and tangentially i'm giving getting the uncle vibe from this child

00:03:56.200 and the child is obsessed with me oh i love that we love that yeah that's that's my vibe i was like

00:04:02.320 i want to be a fun rich aunt so like they light up when they see you because they know they're

00:04:06.580 getting money or like a vape yeah or something a killer ass present like i'm gonna i'm gonna kill

00:04:12.680 and i'm gonna get the most annoying gifts for them you're gonna also probably have to ask the

00:04:16.660 parents like is it okay if i get them the thing like i don't want them to like turn on you but

00:04:20.680 like i can get them the thing where i'm gonna best their parents every year yes i think the only

00:04:25.400 friend i can think of right now that wants kids off the top of my head my caleb i know caleb wants

00:04:30.880 children so i'm like oh i'm gonna be the best aunt ever i don't know caleb but if you're listening i

00:04:35.740 will do anything to be your friend okay he's so funny don't he sucks

00:04:40.920 take it from me and you know what would he say about you drew he would say i'm an angel and i'm

00:04:47.760 perfect and he would say he's attracted to me so that's what he would say honestly the child of you

00:04:54.960 two crazy might be the antichrist might be jesus we joked about that like because i'm sure he has

00:05:01.560 a harem of women that would be a surrogate for him but i literally told caleb i was like i don't

00:05:06.660 want to do that but like if you put your your sperm with my egg in my body that baby would go

00:05:12.420 to the nfl oh my god that baby would be a hall of famer are the linebackers the big ones yeah

00:05:17.220 yeah they're all big okay yeah yeah no i know that but yeah for sure i come up to like their

00:05:21.760 knee yeah and caleb's really tall and i'm tall is caleb tall yeah caleb's like i want to say

00:05:27.240 like 6'3 oh that's a man i think a lot of people don't think that he's very tall i guess i see him

00:05:32.060 most of the time well and i think they think i'm small which i have said many many many times i am

00:05:37.880 not short i'm deceivingly fast yeah and yeah what was it though i didn't say it wrong no it was um

00:05:45.040 deceptively yeah deceptively fast yeah put that on the wikipedia i know they're like believe it

00:05:51.400 or not this big bitch can move like that's really what they wrote on my on my player profile no for

00:05:56.460 you are an avid listener period oh that was with cat cohen oh cat cohen is so funny also my my only

00:06:04.120 goal for this episode is to um become liked by jennifer pritchett realtor oh jpr that's carrie's

00:06:11.840 mom get out what's her vibe is she does she like gay people or is she kind of like she loves gay

00:06:18.020 people oh that's her gay daughter i'm coming for you and jen is also my like number one listener

00:06:26.240 that's that's the vibe i got yeah she is my number one fan yeah i know what i'm doing

00:06:31.220 yeah i'm gonna get her and everyone else is gonna fall into place i know with kyle mclaughlin it

00:06:36.680 was very like that's crazy like having because she was such a huge fan of him it was so funny

00:06:40.940 and like a like a year before he started like posting a lot on tiktok and stuff and doing the

00:06:46.360 podcast she had told carrie because carrie's also my assistant she had told carrie like you know

00:06:51.660 drew should have kyle mclaughlin and we we were like that's so random yeah and then we did end

00:06:58.620 up having him and wow he is a delight he was i now i feel creepy that i listened to a pod it's

00:07:04.620 okay i've had people like that okay no no i just had my like that she's like the other elderly

00:07:09.440 guy no no no my friend blake who's the same age as me he also referenced my show a ton okay great

00:07:14.760 which I love are you kidding well you're a good time you're everything I want more of you know

00:07:19.680 how like thank you it becomes nauseating to hear a straight male comedian speak yeah you're like

00:07:24.640 the antidote yeah thank you so like if I obviously yeah I save everyone EpiPen yeah for real you're

00:07:33.280 saving lives yes I am thank you so much for recognizing making Taylor Tomlinson what she is

00:07:37.940 and you're saving us god I am so busy you're busy I'm propping up her Caleb oh god everybody

00:07:44.680 just kidding well I want to talk more about you I want to talk about stand-up just I really want

00:07:49.120 to know how you got into stand-up like what was the genesis of you entering the field actually

00:07:53.060 you'll love this because I know you like musical theater I do I was a musical theater kid from 10

00:07:57.860 to 22 I went to college for it no way yes so my tap shoes are in my closet okay time steps for you

00:08:04.400 if you want you can sing technically but I'm like now it's it's I haven't sang for so long

00:08:10.300 that it's just like private shows in my car and i bet that means you can sing

00:08:14.780 not i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay is he being humble yes he's being humble

00:08:20.680 which is also scary because you can fact check me in a way that

00:08:25.720 no one else and you want to be a broadway baby um well i would do that but i want to do tv and

00:08:31.140 film okay all this is to say i did musical theater from 10 to 22 and i went to college

00:08:36.540 because i thought i had to go to college i feel you you missed that maybe by like that's our 10

00:08:41.700 year difference like we were like which college are you going to not like are you going to college

00:08:46.540 i see i see and it's like well if i go and if i'm gonna have loans i'm gonna know how to do

00:08:50.580 a triple pirouette yeah right most expensive triple i'm gonna get my money's worth i'm gonna

00:08:56.280 go learn a skill sally may sally who um so went to college for musical theater knowing the whole

00:09:03.240 time i wanted to do tv and film moved out here as a demon twink at 22 full demon twink had my

00:09:09.980 horns removed recently well i'm so happy for you thank you gender affirming care

00:09:15.340 love that for you please also have your twink spayed and neutered if you have a

00:09:23.380 yeah make sure have to don't need them reproducing um but i really got lost in the

00:09:30.040 sauce coming out here i wanted to act i had like commercial agent but it's so do you audition for

00:09:35.340 commercials um i've done you don't have to you get offered them no i mean i've done i've done

00:09:41.380 commercials but i don't they're commercials for social so i feel like it's a little different

00:09:44.480 got it and you're like the targeted thing yeah okay so with commercials it's like i would call

00:09:49.340 off work to audition for like a paper towel commercial right maybe get a call back call

00:09:54.140 off work again not get it be down money and be like I don't even want to be in a paper towel

00:10:00.560 commercial like you feel crazy after a while you're like what am I doing so I started doing

00:10:06.060 stand-up and because I had the stage experience I was immediately comfortable on stage and there's

00:10:12.020 something so gratifying about writing a dumb little joke about my butthole in the morning

00:10:16.660 thinking about it during the afternoon yeah trying it at night and being like wow 400 people left at

00:10:22.800 my butthole joke and then 46 years later you do a special

00:10:28.020 so yeah it's just been like stand-up's been the one constant that like i feel like i have

00:10:35.620 so much control over totally and it's it's so fun like i opened for taylor and bob and fortune

00:10:41.860 crazy yeah i've been their opener on all their theater tours yeah and it's a dream like skipping

00:10:48.240 out on stage making 2 000 people laugh and then skipping off to eat like buffalo wings while they

00:10:52.780 do their hour yeah it's the dream that's so amazing what's your favorite part of the process

00:10:58.460 of like creating the jokes like writing them oh i mean performing i get really scared to try stuff

00:11:04.820 but it's like when the thing works it's that laugh i'm good i'm in it for the laugh i get it

00:11:10.260 if science makes like a pill or a shot like or a glp7 that like makes me feel like laughter makes

00:11:16.360 me feel i'm a overdose i get that yeah i totally get that i love making people laugh so you do

00:11:22.300 your pod yes live on tour with my sister yeah and you've dabbled in stand-up yes but ultimately

00:11:27.660 you're like maybe not yeah i think for stand-up i think it's more so just all of the things i have

00:11:33.900 going on currently i have to like i just want i also know stand-up requires like a lot of manpower

00:11:40.160 like it's like a lot of man hours dedicated so it's really like to go and get used to it and

00:11:45.760 like really figure out your hour like and even just like workshopping like 5 10 yeah 20 30 like

00:11:52.280 Like all of it, I was like, I just don't know if this is the medium for me.

00:11:56.320 I do love making people laugh, like especially live.

00:11:58.900 So that's why I love performing live with my sister.

00:12:01.620 Next time we have a show, I would love for you to come if you'd like to come.

00:12:04.720 Yes.

00:12:05.360 And be under the table.

00:12:07.280 Tickling your feet.

00:12:11.120 I'm like, that's just Zach.

00:12:12.440 He just does that.

00:12:14.300 Let him, let him.

00:12:14.720 Sometimes it's okay.

00:12:16.240 It's okay.

00:12:16.740 I have a certificate for him.

00:12:17.980 but it's so funny too that you accomplish the same goal that it takes me like a year

00:12:23.580 just by being yourself on stage you're very off the cuff very funny well thank you i knew i was

00:12:30.920 gonna suck your dick this whole episode and honestly if you can believe it that's a requirement

00:12:35.260 to be on the show so it's all right i'm glad i didn't have to bring it up thank you you made

00:12:39.380 it far less awkward yeah i'm a slut like that i was gonna do it anyway well even when i talked

00:12:46.760 to taylor about doing stand-up she was like don't do that and we laughed she was like that's that's

00:12:51.560 going backwards for you i was gonna say i love how much respect you have for it in that it really

00:12:56.860 does there's no way to skip it yeah you can't skip it you have to be in the trenches exactly

00:13:02.120 you have to fucking fail yeah and the best part about doing it the way we did it was we were

00:13:06.940 nobodies yeah who fumbled in bar shows you are somebody somebody yeah so it's harder someone

00:13:12.880 would love to get drew like messing up a joke that's what i'm saying like me bombing oh my no

00:13:19.240 for real that's why i was very like and that is like genuinely how i feel about stand-up i love

00:13:25.200 stand-up i love watching and i love consuming it i love laughing so i'm like it's it's a medium i've

00:13:31.040 had a very high respect for for a very long time and so i truly do think to get good you have to

00:13:37.480 put in the hours and like i just can't anymore and i also kind of talked to caleb about this too

00:13:42.520 when I opened for him a little bit but I was telling him like I also can't like I know my

00:13:48.280 audience so like if I advertise I'm gonna go do stand-up somewhere I know they're gonna show up

00:13:52.420 and then I know they're gonna laugh at anything I say which is great and I believe you I believe

00:13:56.900 you think I'm funny but I really want to find out for real if I'm funny and I literally I literally

00:14:00.900 can't because I don't have an anonymity so like it is one of those things I'm so sorry your diamonds

00:14:06.620 are so i know oh my steak is too juicy my lobster is too buttery oh god well and that's and you

00:14:12.460 know what like and maybe i just can't stop making money and maybe honestly maybe more influencers

00:14:20.540 should be like i don't this doesn't need me totally this doesn't need me like that's and

00:14:24.860 that's really how i see it i'm like you guys don't need me you're doing great and you know

00:14:28.140 what it would probably like ruin watching stand-up for you yeah the whole time i'm watching stand-up

00:14:33.660 up I'm like and then I turn it off but even like my brilliant friends I like 20 minutes is enough

00:14:45.120 I don't need to see an hour but I just stand up all the time yeah and you're constantly in it

00:14:49.320 what's what's like been the funniest like show you've ever had where you're like that was crazy

00:14:54.320 that that happened um have you had any crazy audience members or anything yeah definitely

00:15:00.280 what comes to mind is that my biggest bomb was your biggest bomb is what came to mind I mean

00:15:07.080 just like crazy in that it just stands it was trauma lowercase t trauma lowercase I mean we

00:15:15.080 can we can laugh feel free to laugh um but it was my first paid gig ever I was in my 20s it was a

00:15:20.380 gay cruise I was still drinking and doing drugs I'm sober now okay look at you 10 years isn't

00:15:25.900 crazy congratulations um but i was still very much in my cups and it was this older gay cruise

00:15:32.360 and i told an eight joke oh and they almost threw me off the boat oh yeah i see yeah the

00:15:42.960 comedians loved it that's actually where bob and i met he bob was hosting those shows bob's

00:15:49.020 cackling in the back the other comedians they love that men are actively about to like hunt me

00:15:55.640 down but i get what you mean like i i literally said going into stand-up i like literally when

00:16:00.880 i was gonna try i was like i just really don't want to find out the hard way i'm not funny like

00:16:05.160 that like because there is a difference between being like internet funny and live stage performance

00:16:10.680 funny sure so like i really do and i mean in the world of influencers yeah like they they have a

00:16:16.720 knack of telling people you're so funny you should do stand-up sure and then they go and they bomb

00:16:21.800 difference yeah it's a completely different art form and in that like the funniest comedian can

00:16:27.480 still eat a bag of dicks right exactly just depending on the mood of the crowd no totally

00:16:33.040 this is the worst crowd work interaction um I had a joke about like oh the joke was him I was like

00:16:38.800 gating gay dudes is hard am I right ladies and this woman goes yep it's way harder than you

00:16:45.560 think and I was like uh-oh someone got dumped by her gay boyfriend and she was like no he was my

00:16:51.020 husband I was like oh you married a gay guy damn how'd that end and she goes he killed himself

00:16:57.720 and then you go hmm well that kind of took the wind out of the sails I was on Drew I literally

00:17:06.180 went I'm not a good enough comedian to navigate this I was so honest I'd like to phone a friend

00:17:12.980 yeah well she was wrong and I was like and she's like do you want to see a picture of him I was

00:17:17.600 like i'm legally required to say yes like i'm not gonna say no so she brings up i'm gonna get

00:17:24.740 in trouble she brings up the camera on her phone and i go oh my god he's so handsome you guys he's

00:17:30.040 swinging from a rope and the crowd loved it and they died and they died and it killed it killed

00:17:39.220 them if you had to rate how i'm doing so far what would you say how you're doing so far what's the

00:17:45.380 what's the measure of rating is it like stars is a number um let's do number of stars okay out of

00:17:51.940 five sure okay i'll give you as of right now at this mark i would say i'd give you a three okay

00:17:58.160 yeah okay you're doing great this gives me some place to move yeah so somewhere to improve

00:18:03.500 somewhere to improve yeah okay and i will be self-harming in the car

00:18:09.520 no i'd give you a five no well now you're pandering and that's okay well see i was

00:18:16.560 i knew you were gonna say i was pandering so i tried to you know what's really kind of far

00:18:21.200 we have we have decimals in there too like a 4.2 well damn bitch i asked you for the scale no

00:18:28.820 i'm just kidding what's your okay what's your favorite city to perform in i like to ask stand

00:18:35.860 of that because the answers are so different across the board um probably chicago fun chicago

00:18:41.560 is a good time okay because you've got they are all alcoholics so they're like already rowdy and

00:18:47.300 i will say that to all their faces um but they're midwestern nice okay so they're like polite and

00:18:54.020 they're kind of like jovial that's been my experience down to have a good good time yeah

00:18:57.980 tacoma has been fun boston is great oh really i'm i'm doing boston in november oh i don't want to

00:19:05.040 jinx it but like i've actually a good time no you're right i've actually already performed in

00:19:09.100 boston so they're gonna love you too okay because the loud thing that's true you've got a bunch of

00:19:15.560 loud bitches over there from yeah that's true the itis that i have yes that's true that's what's the

00:19:21.780 your least favorite city to perform in um i will only say kansas city because i had a bad experience

00:19:27.980 there why um well it's just this thing where it's like you know you fly across the country

00:19:33.160 to spread your art and your love and make people better i went to kansas city and there was a drunk

00:19:41.320 loud girl dead center who just kept talking to me oh my god threw off every single joke like like

00:19:49.580 you were trying she was trying to have a conversation yes she was like answering

00:19:52.860 rhetorical questions kind of adding some color to what i already said she's giving context to

00:19:58.600 your story and this is my thing too i never get negative hecklers i get hecklers who love me and

00:20:04.960 want me to know that they're in the room she's like tell them zach oh what do you do and i'm just

00:20:15.880 like mama shut up mom mom i told you to stop coming to my shows mom i literally told you

00:20:23.960 stop coming to my fucking shows oh my god but yeah it's throwing off your timing and everything

00:20:37.400 everything i'm like one of those comics who like i get my jokes down to like as clean as i can like

00:20:42.440 not clean content but like clean like no extra words yeah so if someone's trying to be conversational

00:20:47.640 with me it's a jarring turn yeah especially with your timing like if you're trying to wait to give

00:20:53.400 of the punchline and she's talking she's talking what happened and i'm like fucking i'm about to

00:21:01.380 say it just wait you ever heard of a punchline bitch oh my god you i'm gonna punch something

00:21:10.900 if you don't be quiet that is so funny i've talked about that before i actually recently

00:21:17.220 my sister and i did a live show um in la like a month ago or no in january do you think fondly

00:21:24.000 of doing la shows yeah okay i mean la crowds are good i think they're they're fun it's scary though

00:21:28.780 because it's like your homie it's like it's like the people like yeah a lot of our friends come to

00:21:34.260 our la shows too okay so that is like one of those but it's more so la is really fun but i feel like

00:21:40.240 we had kick-ass shows in like portland like they were fucking awesome portland is great yeah

00:21:46.160 portland new york was great like opening night it's funny too because i like to say this like

00:21:50.180 i found out doing tour like and doing live comedy that there are jokes that kill in certain cities

00:21:56.940 and then they just do not hit in other cities for whatever reason because they're not geographical

00:22:02.120 like necessarily but like there was one i told in new york in opening night because i was like

00:22:07.540 they're gonna die in this joke and it was like basically the first time i saw road rage like

00:22:13.620 in new york and we were in like i did a brand thing they sent this like they're like oh we'll

00:22:18.460 send a car and there's like four of us so we we figured it was like an suv right something they

00:22:23.600 sent a ridiculous like party bus that had like flashing lights and no tint on the windows so

00:22:30.200 we're like sitting and it's like a club on wheels and like we're just sitting in silence like

00:22:34.160 looking at each other that feels very christian like let's let's keep things above the belt no

00:22:39.420 super like with no tint either so that's crazy in a school bus club like and it's like going

00:22:45.260 and the guy was a terrible driver he hit several cars no and he like at one point well you're

00:22:50.260 an accomplice you're an accomplice yeah literally we're like we're witnessing crimes as we're

00:22:54.380 driving and like he gets into an altercation the biker for real he hit someone he like gets into

00:23:01.960 a confrontation with like another driver they both roll down their windows and he's like cussing

00:23:06.620 at him mind you he's in like a three-piece suit and so he's like they're like fuck you fuck you

00:23:11.500 fuck you yeah and then he literally was like learn how to fucking drive to our driver and he goes

00:23:16.900 your mother and then rolls the window up really fast and we that joke killed like in new york it

00:23:22.860 fucking killed and like i kept referencing i kept going back to it your mother your mother just to

00:23:27.640 everything and they were dying the next day we did boston i think next day yeah boston brought

00:23:33.920 What up you mother?

00:23:34.760 Crickets.

00:23:35.580 Different culture.

00:23:36.420 Not one laugh.

00:23:37.260 Different culture.

00:23:38.100 I thought maybe, because they're a little close, maybe.

00:23:39.600 Yeah, like East Coast.

00:23:40.880 Yeah, nothing.

00:23:41.720 Big city.

00:23:42.560 Yeah, I was thinking yelling.

00:23:44.160 Damn.

00:23:45.000 Road rage.

00:23:45.840 Nothing.

00:23:46.680 Nothing.

00:23:47.520 I did that too with a Planet of the Apes joke.

00:23:49.340 It killed in Dallas, didn't kill in Houston.

00:23:51.420 You were like, it killed on the Planet of the Apes.

00:23:53.300 Yeah.

00:23:54.140 Yeah, I was like, the zoo, they ate that one up.

00:23:57.540 They were throwing poo, they were going.

00:23:59.680 And they were laughing.

00:24:02.000 But also, so you know this feeling, nothing worse than, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:24:06.300 That's so funny.

00:24:07.040 Ha, ha, ha.

00:24:07.420 Oh, my God.

00:24:07.820 They're going to die.

00:24:08.340 Oh, my God.

00:24:08.700 Ha, ha.

00:24:09.280 To crickets.

00:24:10.600 It's like, put me in the loony bin.

00:24:13.140 Like, give me a straight jacket.

00:24:14.480 I know.

00:24:14.760 I can't be trusted.

00:24:15.600 It does feel like, oh.

00:24:16.760 Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:24:18.260 I was wrong.

00:24:22.240 Especially when you hype it in your head.

00:24:24.080 Yes.

00:24:24.360 You're like, they're going to die.

00:24:25.860 And like, the one in Dallas was, we watched Planet of the Apes.

00:24:29.120 We love the movies.

00:24:29.800 Wait, what is the Planet of the Apes thing?

00:24:31.220 like the joke I made basically it's like the movie franchise we love the movies we watch them

00:24:36.160 on the tour bus in Dallas um like when we come out we do like the same intro every single time

00:24:42.140 and they all cheer with us like because they're mentally ill like us thank you so they like they

00:24:47.680 almost like mimic like us so they did the exact same thing and in the movies they go apes together

00:24:53.900 strong like every single time they do something in unison they go apes together strong and I made

00:24:59.580 that joke killed so like the entire night i kept going back to that well and so then the next night

00:25:05.020 we're in houston still in texas i'm assuming you guys have the same copy paste copy paste copy

00:25:10.400 and then not one laugh not one it was actually really quiet and then i went oh not planet of

00:25:16.640 the apes fans no worries no worries no worries actually it's no worries i'm gonna kill that joke

00:25:21.040 the world's dry yeah and then i told it again in portland and it killed so it's very random it can't

00:25:26.840 be trusted no i can't did you have one jokes like that hit in some cities all of them not in others

00:25:33.040 all of them do you have one that hits in every city or a topic that tends to yeah i mean like

00:25:37.820 anything am i the every comedian i think has like their top tier bits and jokes that are like

00:25:44.680 pretty trustworthy like they're they're broad maybe they're oh you said this one like my mom

00:25:49.820 is a lesbian in my opinion congratulations and big laugh i said in my opinion yeah in my opinion

00:25:56.880 big laugh every time i've ever said it big laugh yeah um but then yeah and local people love local

00:26:04.120 jokes yeah that's true you could have said the dumbest thing about like boston cream pies or

00:26:09.220 something and they would have all orgasmed at the exact same time they would have had one big uproar

00:26:15.220 yeah i did make one joke when we were there because we were in somerville which is like

00:26:19.580 right outside of boston is it rich or like right outside of the main no oh but it's like right

00:26:24.840 outside the main city but i kept just saying boston and then they were like it's somerville

00:26:29.940 somerville and i go do you guys give a fuck about that because i don't and then they laughed great

00:26:35.080 i was like i'm gonna call you boston that's your name now your name's boston thank you

00:26:38.720 and you wish also and also you wish what's been uh one of your favorite moments of tour because

00:26:45.400 you mentioned you've been uh opening for some pretty hilarious people like yourself oh yeah

00:26:50.360 what's been some of your favorite moments on tour it's well bob had a tour bus oh fun and everyone

00:26:57.980 like warned me a tour bus rough is lie uh tour bus life is rough yeah uh there's the whole like

00:27:04.820 don't poop on the tour but there are all these like warnings yeah and then i got in there i had

00:27:09.900 the top bunk it was six or three yes i had one like that too i was uh the penthouse um and it

00:27:17.240 blasted the ac like on me yeah pitch black cubby rocking i was in heaven they had to pry me off

00:27:23.700 that goddamn bus you're so real for that because we also were so afraid of the bus like because we

00:27:28.460 heard the same thing it's really hard no pooping that kind of thing oh the turns in the middle of

00:27:32.180 And I was like, rock my ass to sleep.

00:27:34.020 No, we, every time it left, we felt heartbroken.

00:27:36.900 Like, when we would have to fly ahead, we'd be like, my Shayla, come back.

00:27:41.660 It was the best.

00:27:42.900 I loved the best.

00:27:43.740 And it's sleepover vibes.

00:27:46.180 Yeah.

00:27:46.660 So you're like, are you still awake?

00:27:48.300 No, literally, that's how we were, too.

00:27:49.760 And I was in the back room.

00:27:50.800 It's really funny, too, because me.

00:27:53.420 You gotta try breakfast at A-W.

00:27:59.360 You gotta try breakfast at A-W.

00:28:02.180 and days both have bracelets like we wear a lot of jewelry and so the girls on the bus were like

00:28:27.940 i always knew who was up because the jingling sounds different like my jingling sounds more

00:28:32.500 like jingle bells and her sounds like uh like ceramic like more than anything so they'd be

00:28:37.680 like oh that's tason that's not true that's tason and i just have like a foghorn every time

00:28:41.580 i know we were like we would like text in our uh group chat all the time while we were all laying

00:28:48.260 on the bus yeah and like having fun like one night one of our friends on the bus she was in a bad mood

00:28:53.340 so she went to bed early and then we stayed up late and we were making fun of carrie's exes on

00:28:58.440 the bus and we were laughing and we laughed for hours and we were like taking pictures of like

00:29:03.640 stupid shit we were doing and then a couple days later our other friend who went to bed early she

00:29:08.020 was like when did you guys do that and you dason was like oh you went to your bunk that night we

00:29:13.120 were all having fun in the living room while we were driving you went to your bunk to your bunk

00:29:17.480 it was so fun though i the bus was tea take me back yeah taylor threatened to do that two summers

00:29:25.700 ago um i know well i could threat yeah um to do a bus tour with uh me and her friend sophie

00:29:32.820 who you should also have love she's so funny but she and she was gonna do like a uh a tour across

00:29:39.300 the midwest and it didn't happen but i still kind of like pray that it does oh i'm sure it will

00:29:43.600 yeah she loves to tour oh my she loves to go on tour she's stand-up 100 yeah she is like she's

00:29:50.760 she's been offered the parts and things she's been you know yeah asked to do other stuff she

00:29:55.700 she's a stand-up girl no she is and she's really fucking good at it and also i remember we were

00:30:01.120 both on her show what was the name of her show i'm forgetting oh after midnight yeah after midnight

00:30:06.740 i said after midnight in my head but then i started thinking about um that chapel rome song

00:30:10.840 and then i thought that can't be right yeah that can't be right you're like my king is karma is

00:30:15.700 that it feminine nominom yeah i think that was the name of it yeah but uh how was your experience

00:30:22.440 on the show so fun i thought it was a blast so fun i had fun you know i actually have a question

00:30:27.220 okay oh yeah please i recently did this like audition type thing okay and before i go on

00:30:31.820 stage he goes yeah i'm really shocked they had you back three times the network wanted to ban

00:30:38.100 you after the first time you were on i'm about to go on stage too i go mama like what what anyways

00:30:47.700 yeah he was like you're i mean you're so dirty that no one wanted to have you back

00:30:53.380 i'm just telling you that by the way i know i go it's been lovely chatting

00:30:59.860 hey thanks for the time crazy that is an insane thing in your professional opinion

00:31:04.340 do you think he was trying to throw me yes i do okay i think he was yeah i think he was trying

00:31:09.860 to especially if what what were you auditioning for was it something was it based off like

00:31:14.200 personalities you have to riff or anything it was it was like five minute stand-up sets right okay

00:31:18.820 then yes i think i absolutely think so yes because it wasn't if it wasn't scripted and what you were

00:31:23.780 doing was like stand-up i do think it was like a psychological warfare thing do you ever think i

00:31:28.660 know you don't do that to people i don't do it either i don't even think to do it to people we

00:31:32.840 could ruin lives if we used our powers for that oh yeah i say all the time you guys should be

00:31:37.560 lucky that i'm that nice oh believe it or not that's me being nice yes online believe it or

00:31:42.560 not that's me being nice that is as far as it goes and that is all i can give you and that is

00:31:47.500 after years of therapy mind you like imagine if you caught me at 19 bitch please uh oh no no this

00:31:53.700 read was sponsored by better help for real that's why i said like that is not me being mean like

00:32:00.580 at all that's me having fun and being silly if i was actually gonna be mean the shit i would

00:32:05.340 this shit i'd say would you go to you'd be deported grippy sock kingdom yeah that's where

00:32:10.220 the fuck you're going and that's and that's like when i'm like that is a gift i'm giving you a

00:32:14.280 gift totally like you should be lucky i'm not clocked in for real oh my gosh that is an insane

00:32:19.040 thing to say to you though i think so it really i mean it worked i still did great but like he oh

00:32:24.180 and he said it before yeah okay then yes i even more so i'm even more connected straight guy so

00:32:29.540 i'm like and what i already think he's up to no good well and what a straight guy thing to do

00:32:33.720 i i know like what a weird like 80s movie bully thing to do it's like okay brad yeah that's such

00:32:42.460 a like the slopes yeah i really don't know that feels so like tv yeah i know no it was very surreal

00:32:50.140 and i just bring bring it up because it really does feel like did that happen like what a crazy

00:32:56.460 thing well and i know too because when i was on the show and i was like i guess what so it wasn't

00:33:01.620 very long and they already had like the three comedians and i'll tell you who they were later

00:33:05.920 but they they actually i only remember one of them i don't remember the other two but

00:33:10.080 um i it was like supposed to be like a dating thing like daddy's a dating show like from the

00:33:15.900 70s and basically like i was asking them questions and they had to pick one of them or yeah and so

00:33:20.900 like what i didn't know about the skit was like they would be putting up something behind me that

00:33:25.400 they would have to work into their answer got it so then i would just have to react to the answer

00:33:29.640 so i didn't have to have anything written yeah um but i was like you guys cool with improv i'm cool

00:33:34.720 with improv because they asked me if i wanted jokes written for me and i was like no and also

00:33:39.220 how would that work if they're riffing like how yeah then i realized after they would know well

00:33:44.020 then i realized after i was a contestant that they write them ahead of time yes like the jokes and

00:33:47.700 stuff you like pick the ones that you want yes so there was a segment where they had dogs and they

00:33:52.480 were saying like is this dog good or bad and like why or whatever and so i was like bad and because

00:33:58.200 it was a german shepherd and i was like it's a cop right which no one laughed and then i go oh are we

00:34:04.380 supporting the thin blue line here that made everybody laugh and i was like oh everybody

00:34:08.900 tell everyone after midnight supports the blue lives matter movement and that killed everyone

00:34:14.020 they cut that whole i knew it i knew it they cut my best joke they're cowards yeah they're cowards

00:34:21.100 I had Bob cackling when I said that shit.

00:34:23.160 Yes!

00:34:23.840 Of course, because it's funny.

00:34:25.460 I was like, oh, what are we, thin blue line supporters here?

00:34:28.160 Everybody laughed.

00:34:29.500 It's because it's hilarious.

00:34:30.520 Whatever.

00:34:31.480 It's illegal for a woman to be funny.

00:34:33.280 Oh, yeah.

00:34:33.760 Beautiful and whimsical.

00:34:34.720 In this country.

00:34:35.760 This episode is presented to you by eBay.

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00:35:05.440 millions of pre-loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay authenticity guarantee

00:35:11.660 ebay things people love to pivot i do have some fun facts about you i'm yeah i'm scared and i

00:35:18.060 i would love to read them too and we can go through them together okay so um oh wait hold

00:35:23.520 on sorry i opened the wrong one let me do whoever's you pulled up that was jinx monsoons okay

00:35:28.760 i'm like you jinx look alike you sold out broadway eight shows in a row i'm like

00:35:35.080 okay this one says you recently posted on instagram never forget the time my manager's

00:35:41.240 girlfriend tried to set me up with her friend brian but i already had his number stored in my

00:35:45.200 phone as brian best bj ever yeah is that for real oh yeah yeah it was so awkward too

00:35:51.540 sometimes when i listen to my gay friends talk i feel like uh jennifer coolidge when she's like

00:35:58.720 these gays they're trying to kill me that's how you just stress me out yeah you know we've really

00:36:06.560 figured it out from my perspective because me and brian texted after that oh wow but yeah he and i

00:36:13.120 had hooked up before he gave me a great beach and then i was hanging with my manager and his

00:36:17.660 girlfriend she's like my friend brian um really would love to like go out sometime blah blah and

00:36:22.060 i was like oh yeah give me his number and put in my number my phone is it brian i he's stored

00:36:26.400 and i showed you believe i'm best bj ever would you believe you know what's funny is i still have

00:36:32.380 contacts in my phone from like years ago like when i was in college yeah and one time i was

00:36:37.780 scrolling through my phone uh trying to see if i had someone's number and i had a contact in there

00:36:43.060 I literally am going to look it up right now because I was like what in the fuck oh no even

00:36:47.360 is this like I think it was something it's like Bailey stole my hair no it literally says

00:36:52.600 fucking security guard DC bar and then a bunch of question marks

00:36:57.200 and this is a real I'll like was that from like a brownout night I really genuinely I've only been

00:37:04.760 to DC I think one time when I was in college starts with fucking yeah it says fucking security

00:37:09.520 guard dc bar is anyone else in your phone that starts with fucking no that's why i was like

00:37:13.860 who the fuck is that when i saw it i was like yo what the fuck i i i don't know i do kind of

00:37:21.180 remember like when i went to dc in college one of my girlfriends had lived there for a while so she

00:37:26.820 was like let's go out like after we finished because i went for school we went to like this

00:37:31.100 work thing yeah and then that night we went out and then i remember we were having so much fun

00:37:35.700 we were in this like three-story like bar a bunch of rich like blue like white collar guys so they

00:37:41.020 have money and they're willing to buy drinks so we were having a time of our lives and then i had

00:37:45.700 this like backpack purse at the time and i was like oh just put all your shit in my backpack

00:37:49.860 and then i had put it under a table so we could like dance and stuff because my backpack was just

00:37:55.480 hitting everyone it was just getting in the way yeah went on to look under the table gone no

00:37:59.400 all of our shit was in there so then i went and i was talking to a security guard who i think was

00:38:04.960 attracted to me but that's neither here nor there just really like saying it he might have worked

00:38:08.360 harder yeah and I say it because I was leveraging um I guess like stereotypes against me at the

00:38:14.340 time like tits pushed up to my neck yeah of course I was like using that to try and get my stuff back

00:38:18.860 yeah I was like please help me please yeah yeah yeah and then uh he didn't I actually my friend

00:38:23.780 ended up finding the backpack this girl had taken it by accident and she left it somewhere else

00:38:28.140 so we ended up finding all of our things and it was all in there yeah but I like the night is very

00:38:32.580 spotty yeah but i do remember asking a security guard for help i think it's his number because i

00:38:37.300 think i pushed it a little too hard i think he thought i was like wanted to hang and i was like

00:38:42.140 okay and i didn't remember his name so i just wrote that in there you actually gave yourself

00:38:45.920 a lot of information i laid the clues out girl you're gonna need this so i could find it again

00:38:52.740 i could find my i do remember though something distinctly i remember about that night i left

00:38:57.020 the bar and across the street there was this pizza place and they would stay they would open

00:39:01.220 at like 9 p.m and close at like 4 a.m so they would do like two dollar slices and they would

00:39:06.720 just be selling so many of them and they're huge and me and my friend went to go get them

00:39:10.400 and we were eating drunk having a great time found my backpack we're living high

00:39:15.220 and then these guys there was this group of terrible men near us obviously like when they're

00:39:20.180 not like a drug dog i could smell them and so they were literally like commiserating nothing

00:39:25.800 good ever when they look like they're plotting and there was also a group of dolls and the dolls

00:39:30.060 were walking and they were fab but the dolls were walking minding their own business yeah and then

00:39:35.500 they started being super transphobic to them and saying awful things my friend in the middle of me

00:39:40.780 talking to her because i didn't see this happening i was like talking in the middle of me talking

00:39:45.020 she stands up and then throws her pizza hard as fuck at like the back of the main dude doing it

00:39:51.760 hell yeah and it hit him hard as fuck and she said fuck you and that guy got so mad they stopped

00:39:58.900 harassing those girls the girls left and they killed your and then she was like now look at my

00:40:02.820 fucking pizza now i don't even get to eat my pizza and we laughed we laughed so hard and they didn't

00:40:07.900 do anything about it good yeah i bet it stuck to his bald ass spot on the back there was like pizza

00:40:13.800 sauce on his shoulder and i was laughing and i was sitting there and i was laughing and then i shared

00:40:20.140 my pizza with her it was a beautiful night oh my gosh that's all i really remember afford another

00:40:23.700 two dollar slice no we and we couldn't we ended the patriarchy tonight i was like i was like you

00:40:28.620 know what ally you earn this ally give her some of my pizza okay next fun fact it says in i love

00:40:37.520 that the first fact was just a post i posted on instagram well maybe are you living are you living

00:40:43.760 under the off the grid is that maybe every day i move closer to wanting to like setting my birth

00:40:49.640 certificate on fire oh you and me you and me both honestly okay it says in 2018 you bought a toyota

00:40:55.240 prius named nana oh yeah i named nana my nana nana she so i'd been saving up i rode a motorcycle

00:41:01.320 for nine years no way i what kind of motorcycle is homophobia um is it no no what what happened

00:41:09.920 is you feared for my life and you feared for the lives around you're gay it's because you're a

00:41:13.220 twink thank you thank you america's oldest living twink as bob as bob calls me bob introduced me

00:41:20.220 It's America's Oldest Living Twink, Zach Noe Towers,

00:41:22.300 or David Spade impersonator, Zach Noe Towers.

00:41:27.620 And he got my ass.

00:41:30.460 But I had a motorcycle for nine years.

00:41:32.940 I've been saving up to get a car.

00:41:34.980 What kind of motorcycle did you have?

00:41:36.280 A Honda Rebel.

00:41:37.300 It's a 250cc.

00:41:38.720 It's a baby bike.

00:41:40.020 And to be clear, I got it because I was in love with my roommate.

00:41:44.940 He also had a motorcycle.

00:41:46.560 He casually said, you should get one.

00:41:48.100 I'll teach you how to ride it.

00:41:49.200 I heard.

00:41:49.920 and then we'll drive off into the sunset right that part didn't happen but you're out with a

00:41:55.340 scarf tied around yes exactly oh my god in my little side car um but he taught me how to ride

00:42:01.040 and i it was great way to get around to la because the weather's always nice and it's true

00:42:04.600 between cars and stuff traffic and everything i've been saving up to get a car and then my nana

00:42:09.460 passed and she left us i think five thousand dollars which back then was like yeah i wish

00:42:16.660 she had died sooner i'm kidding um just kidding she's one of my favorite people that's ever

00:42:21.340 existed nana if you're listening i love you um but i was able to get like a nicer car because

00:42:27.180 of the 5000 and you know what i also had a prius i have a prius still i upgraded to a prius prime

00:42:33.520 oh i what do you drive my prius do you have like a really nice car no i have a and i don't want to

00:42:40.140 hear it because i got it a long time ago i have a tesla oh okay that's okay yeah but i'm just like

00:42:44.640 a cyber truck right a cyber truck no oh yes yes yes yes yes and it's chrome

00:42:51.260 and it says i love america on the outside of it a thin blue line yeah

00:42:55.980 no that's the sticker on the back obviously i shoot first and ask questions later

00:43:01.560 um don't tread on me the way i want to instinctively drag a shovel across every

00:43:07.320 cyber truck and they're ugly they're as fuck ugly and imposing no and they're an eyesore

00:43:13.600 the quickest litmus test for a walking asshole i know i agree and they're fucking they're just dumb

00:43:19.360 they're dumb as hell they look dumb as hell and the people driving them are dumb as hell yeah

00:43:23.300 there you go we got them yeah but i loved my prius i had my prius for so long we actually

00:43:29.100 still have the prius i think i gave it to my brother now yeah my brother now has my prius

00:43:32.880 oh to be clear mine's like a plug-in hybrid so the first 25 miles are pure electric i get 85

00:43:38.520 miles to the gallon and that's on fucking period isn't that on period that's exactly why i sound

00:43:43.660 like a cop when i say stuff like that i just started saying things slap it's too late it's

00:43:51.400 too late it's too late wig oh my god wig wig oh my god wig her the best part of that clip is her

00:43:58.820 not being able to explain yeah exactly what it means we're katie using it improperly and

00:44:05.100 don't know the definition sounds like a white trade for real okay uh this next one says the

00:44:12.240 SAG Actors Fund gave you a $40 check in the mail for a new pair of shoes now who's talking to the

00:44:18.360 IRS here that's great okay this is actually this is tea um that the I've been SAG for a long time

00:44:26.300 and they have this shoe fund where you they reimburse you up to like 40 or 50 dollars

00:44:32.860 for a pair of shoes every year it's like this old actor put it did you know you should you're

00:44:38.860 missing out on some free shoes um so yeah once a year i usually go to crossroads and i get my like

00:44:44.420 40 pair of shoes and i send in my receipt i haven't done it in a long time but like

00:44:49.840 it's cool if you're it's such a weird thing too if you're a sag like a union actor and can't

00:44:55.620 afford shoes no it's a great thing actually it's actually crazy yeah i actually believe it or not

00:45:00.860 am not sag i really yeah i've done lots of like commercials but i don't i don't really like i've

00:45:06.920 done a lot of illegal work i've just like i'm really unclear honestly on like the parameters

00:45:12.120 because i've done commercials but for social so i don't know like i but i was in a commercial that

00:45:17.120 was on tv once too so it's like i really am unclear they have a warrant out for your arrest

00:45:22.180 what's gonna happen is you're gonna be taft heart lead which is just you're gonna book some

00:45:28.200 an acting role in like i don't know lucifer season six i don't know where that came from in my head

00:45:35.220 see that's why is it like am i getting older or is it dementia

00:45:38.240 porcino los dos honestly porcino los dos exacto mundo um but they're just gonna be like it's

00:45:46.780 gonna be paperwork and it costs a shit ton to join the union now but it does have a lot of

00:45:51.840 great perks i know i've heard it's fucking awesome that's why i'm like i honestly don't

00:45:55.680 no every time they ask me and every time i check it says no no you know when you feel like you can

00:46:00.300 google it yeah it's like yeah um i love though that you are pursuing acting yes and do you have

00:46:08.260 any tips for me um no i don't book either i two dumb bitches saying exactly back and forth i know

00:46:16.200 that's fucking right it's so funny and you know what's gonna happen to you maybe eventually and

00:46:19.520 i hope it doesn't actually someone will contact you and be like we wrote this part for you i hope

00:46:24.840 and then you won't get it honestly i believe you we actually found someone that does you better

00:46:31.180 well yeah well and i've said this before i think but like i gotta read for a very very very small

00:46:38.580 role on you for you oh no no believe it or not moana too i have sneaking suspicions that they

00:46:45.100 they wanted me to read just to see sure also because i'm someone i mean i'm sure but like

00:46:50.120 Singing was a huge part of the role

00:46:52.300 Even though I said I couldn't sing

00:46:54.140 And they still wanted me to try

00:46:55.740 Didn't hear back

00:46:58.280 Of course

00:46:58.680 And also don't waste my time

00:47:00.200 And honestly they probably blocked me

00:47:01.720 After I sent my acapella tape in

00:47:04.260 They play it every day

00:47:05.880 For a little boost

00:47:07.000 No I honestly never watched it

00:47:08.500 After it was recorded

00:47:09.420 I never watched it again

00:47:10.320 Because I'm humiliated by it

00:47:11.480 Oh I was gonna say

00:47:12.120 That is my tip though

00:47:13.120 Audition and literally forget about it

00:47:15.960 Yeah

00:47:16.220 Just do the tape

00:47:17.420 Or do the audition

00:47:18.480 Forget about it

00:47:19.520 Yeah. Anyway, go on. And that's and that's great advice for me.

00:47:22.780 Like even my I have an acting coach that I work with and he's told me that, too.

00:47:27.600 Like he was like each role is just like if it's meant to be, it'll come back to me.

00:47:30.680 If not, I did my best. Your job is just to do the tape, have fun and like do your best.

00:47:36.880 Yeah, exactly. I have to keep reminding myself about that, too, because I feel a rage that is borderline Republican when I'm not good at things immediately.

00:47:45.540 Oh, so it's something I do fight like a werewolf. You know what I mean?

00:47:49.520 We need to get you a gun.

00:47:50.920 Yeah, just in case.

00:47:52.260 So you can just take it out.

00:47:53.060 Not loaded.

00:47:54.160 Not loaded.

00:47:55.660 Maybe one.

00:47:56.440 It could be fun.

00:47:56.920 I went to a gun range.

00:47:57.900 A gay guy took me.

00:47:58.900 I say it like I'm not one.

00:48:01.520 A gay friend took me to a gun range, and we shot stuff.

00:48:04.720 And how was it?

00:48:05.480 I am a good shot.

00:48:07.360 Are you?

00:48:07.960 Yeah, I got, like, all heart area.

00:48:10.140 And then I did one where it was, like, the picture was, like, a criminal holding a woman hostage.

00:48:15.860 Oh, yes.

00:48:16.380 I got her ass.

00:48:17.400 I said get away from my man.

00:48:18.820 You got her ass?

00:48:18.880 Yeah.

00:48:19.520 got her in the cooch got her in the hair you're creating a backstory for it he was safe he was

00:48:24.660 marked safe on facebook the only no one's safe on facebook i've never been to a gun range i i

00:48:31.420 honestly really don't have any desire to go but like i i went to this one like simulation thing

00:48:36.460 because my brother-in-law was in the military um he no longer is but he was and we went to this

00:48:41.440 like simulation thing they used to like train oh god cops or like jumping out yeah like and it's

00:48:47.460 like a 360 thing so like you you're holding a prop gun on your six yeah and so like you like go

00:48:53.720 you'll select the situation so it's like oh it's a domestic violence call oh it's a movie theater

00:48:58.940 yeah and it plays it like it's pov like it's first person so you're like walking in and then you have

00:49:04.080 to assess and decide what you're gonna do whatever um it was honestly scary and awful but there was

00:49:09.820 one part where you had to just shoot targets and it just wanted to see how fast you could shoot

00:49:13.580 five of them and just you're we were just going for time and like my my man is very very competitive

00:49:21.020 my brother-in-law is like obscenely competitive so it's like do they get angry what happens

00:49:27.400 dumb bitches saying exactly back and forth like the two of them competing but like but it's also

00:49:31.840 like there's an age gap too so like my my man's the oldest so it's one of those where they just

00:49:36.620 like silently compete until it becomes too much and everybody has to go home and like this isn't

00:49:40.500 fun anymore yeah so when i was doing it all i was trying to beat was him because i know he hates

00:49:44.740 being beat and also he's in the military he got he's trained to shoot like literally trained to

00:49:49.540 shoot one time my brother-in-law locked my guest room door on accident like from the inside and

00:49:55.900 all his shit was in there and all the windows were locked so i had to hire a locksmith to come and

00:49:59.780 open it like 300 bucks mind you it was fucking crazy but i was like can you pick the lock and

00:50:05.460 he goes no and i go they taught you how to shoot someone from a hundred yards away and they didn't

00:50:12.240 teach you how to pick a fucking lock in the military shoot the lock how useless what a

00:50:16.900 useless fucking skill set my tax dollars my tax dollars yeah start training them to pick locks

00:50:22.260 it's a far more useful or braid hair something something god okay let's get back to your fun

00:50:30.100 facts okay okay this one says in 2016 you lived next door to an elderly woman named lulu she's

00:50:37.660 still there she's the bane of my existence we used to be friends and now your enemies lulu

00:50:43.740 thinks we live in new york city because this bitch rises with the sun and she's slamming

00:50:49.340 containers she's slamming trash cans what is she doing in there look at this is where i respect

00:50:54.460 the hustle she's looking for like cans and and things to like recycle she's like a big recycler

00:50:58.880 I think you can get money for it

00:51:00.560 But she's obviously well into retirement

00:51:03.100 And she just

00:51:04.920 She walks up and down

00:51:06.880 Like we have two driveways next to each other

00:51:08.640 And just slams lids

00:51:10.220 And I'm like girl

00:51:12.520 It's like stomp over there

00:51:13.640 I'll give you $20 if you stop

00:51:15.540 Is she like banging cymbals out there

00:51:16.920 Yeah basically I'm like this is not our culture

00:51:20.140 We sleep

00:51:21.580 We sleep in

00:51:23.080 We don't slam

00:51:24.080 Girl she's my biggest op right now

00:51:26.980 she's my enemy and she's so nice actually lulu if you're listening and i know you're not because

00:51:31.660 you don't know what podcasts are i know you're a huge fan of the comment section so she always

00:51:35.160 like asked me some questions when i'm leaving sometimes a hookup will be leaving and she'll

00:51:40.000 interview him hi and how was your stay how are you who are you here to see i'm like leave him

00:51:47.720 alone i don't know his name i'm like oh it's brian oh we're taking role at the door and what

00:51:53.920 and can we expect you again tomorrow could you just fill out this quick survey could you sign

00:51:58.720 the guest book on your way out yeah but i'm like lulu leave him alone when i was in college my

00:52:09.920 friend and i lived in a duplex so like our our house was connected yeah like living next door

00:52:15.100 to a friend well no we both lived in the duplex like in the house together but our landlord lived

00:52:20.520 in the front house nightmare and she had she was i think 2 000 years old um i've been dead for 80

00:52:27.340 yeah give or take 2000 and she had like six little dogs and they would yap all the time and she had

00:52:33.500 like an adult daughter who was like in her 40s living in the house and like i had a moped in

00:52:38.080 college so i would pack i would park it behind my house and like walk it up back there and then i

00:52:42.620 would start it back there and then i would just wheel it up and then drive off on the driveway

00:52:46.840 yeah but it's not loud like a motorcycle so it just sounds like like a little like a car almost

00:52:52.820 and so she yelled at me once because she was like you start that moped and it's so loud and

00:52:59.200 blah blah blah I'm like no it's not and she was like well you're waking up my daughter and I was

00:53:03.540 like your daughter is 40 and it's 9 30 a.m that bitch should be awake are you hey the fellow

00:53:10.100 adult yeah hey clock in ho don't you have a job to get to my moped sounds like one and a half of

00:53:14.940 your dogs yeah literally like your dogs yeah whatever but she like so we were kind of ops

00:53:19.820 for a while like in the beginning she was really but she had this crazy vendetta against the woman

00:53:26.700 who lived behind us great so like i like there was like a fence and i could see that woman gardening

00:53:31.060 and like one time my roommate who's like still one of my really good friends to this day

00:53:35.140 she was like um i guess they were kind of keying about the lady behind the house and she was like

00:53:39.700 oh i can't stand that lady and then after my friend bonded with her on some hater shit

00:53:44.420 then she like loved us of course so that when i had this i was dating this guy that was awful

00:53:49.440 in college once and he um but i didn't know he was awful yet and he just showed up to my house

00:53:54.540 um drunk one time but i wasn't there and neither was my roommate so he was like knocking on the

00:53:59.280 door and my window was right by the door so he was like drew drew like yelling my name

00:54:02.820 and her name was hoa shouts out to hoa she went outside and she was like who are you

00:54:08.140 who are you what are you doing here because it was like 9 p.m she's a shot off yeah yeah like

00:54:12.980 she had something in her hand and then she was like yeah and he was like I'm friends with Drew

00:54:17.640 like Drew lives here and she goes nobody lives here by that name oh and then the next time I

00:54:22.180 saw her she goes don't worry I told him to get out of here and I was like okay I was like hey

00:54:27.200 shouts out to my girl period because I didn't know I hated him yet but I was like it's okay

00:54:31.120 you don't need to do that she was like well I don't know and I was like you know what you're

00:54:35.060 right she's I'm gonna lead with this foot this angry ass foot so just in case I don't know who

00:54:40.200 that is i was like she's a real bitch honestly she was looking out for me yeah so we had a real

00:54:44.760 enemies to lovers arc that's beautiful that's beautiful and it's like anything like the love

00:54:49.600 turns into hate the hate turns into love it's like very thin emotion yeah yeah and that's you

00:54:53.940 and lulu you're playing a love i'm gonna fall in love with her at some point lavender marriage

00:54:59.240 probably not but maybe okay last fun fact okay it says as a child you could do the splits and

00:55:06.780 then the follow-up question is can you still no i can't damn i do want to be flexible if anyone

00:55:13.580 any particular reason i mean just because because i'm i'm entering the last stage of my life

00:55:20.160 i don't want to like i don't know acting like you're 90 years but in la like 40 is kind of like

00:55:27.320 it's crazy it's only if you look 40 that's fair and you don't thank you there you go i feel like

00:55:32.860 you have to say that just like i mean no okay okay okay okay you're crazy i just got insecure

00:55:37.560 you saw it happen we watched it happen live i dipped in you play it back and i go

00:55:46.460 um sorry i just got insecure i just like i know that like flexibility is like a huge part of like

00:55:56.360 aging gracefully it's very true that and also building muscle are you a very do you like to

00:56:01.340 build muscle you look pretty flexible to me and you're in jeans you're right that's a lot

00:56:06.600 which is hard for me to wear as a like an older millennial i want to wear tight pants you want

00:56:11.820 to wear a skin tight yeah these kids these days they look like extras on clueless just grungy

00:56:19.000 grungy grungy um girl you need tailor fitted pants you need some tight pants but i do work

00:56:26.080 out like almost every day i love doing a stair machine oh do you oh do you have a preference

00:56:30.660 of workout like do you like a class do you like the gym you know I think I would be a class girly

00:56:36.020 if I gave myself a chance but I do like to like not be talked to me too there is nothing worse

00:56:42.200 than a correction during a class I'm like I'm gonna kill myself everyone's looking at how I

00:56:48.340 can't arch my back right now now that's all they're all thinking yes exactly like this stiff

00:56:53.360 in the back row you're like oh my god remember earlier when they corrected Zach's form they're

00:56:58.400 all talking about you literally you know that's true i wish it weren't but it's true have you

00:57:03.700 ever tried crossfit no yeah it's terrible do i look like i could sustain a crossfit class honestly

00:57:09.720 and this is me being so serious as someone who has done crossfit yes really yeah i feel like i

00:57:15.100 would try to flip my little like little tight tire and like wrench everything in my body

00:57:19.800 you rip it your arms are still on there like mr potato head

00:57:24.000 no i do like there's something beautiful about a class because do you wait what are you are you

00:57:31.800 do you do i like the gym i like going to the gym by myself and you lift yeah yeah like i do a lot

00:57:37.660 of weight lifting yeah my problem is like i can go to the gym and time passes but no one knows if

00:57:43.320 i worked out god only knows what i'm doing in there god check the footage i enter and i leave

00:57:49.920 but i don't know blackout when i don't know what happened in the middle um but with a class you're

00:57:55.240 like obviously like i have to impress brad um so i'm like about to throw up because i'm trying to

00:57:59.920 keep up and i see probably making positive change to my body unfortunately unfortunately yeah i feel

00:58:06.880 like i was i did try i've tried many different classes though like i've tried class workouts i

00:58:11.380 think they're great yeah i just like personally i prefer to move at my own pace thank you and

00:58:15.620 headphones yeah and headphones i get to listen to music and stuff or like other things sometimes i

00:58:20.760 listen to like youtube videos like while i'm working out like and learn yeah or like if they're

00:58:25.060 podcasts or stuff sometimes i'll listen to my own interviews and i say that in earnest sometimes i

00:58:30.980 listen to my own interviews and it's literally i compare it to like watching tape like athletes

00:58:35.300 oh where i'm like i'm listening to myself and i'm like i could marry i could wrap that joke up a

00:58:40.500 little sooner uh comedians do that me giving myself notes yeah no I mean honestly I can't

00:58:47.380 stand the sound of my voice like when I hear it I'm like shut up but it's so helpful to do what

00:58:55.120 you do yeah I think so and I was like with your live shows no I have well actually we've only

00:59:01.460 recorded a few live shows and so I have I have listened like to parts of it but I don't listen

00:59:05.440 to the live show all the way through it can help with live stuff that's actually a really good

00:59:09.260 thing a really good no i never even thought of it that way also are you flexible and you

00:59:12.880 prove it i honestly really know i've never been able to do the splits i don't think i just don't

00:59:19.820 think i've tried hard enough i don't think i've put i've also like really attributed me being big

00:59:24.460 and tall as like the reason i couldn't do those things then when i started seeing tall people do

00:59:29.140 it i was like well now you're fucking up my excuse yeah now i have to get in there and well then i

00:59:33.460 saw meg the stallion do it and i was like well what the fuck no i gotta like i can't stand behind

00:59:37.360 that anymore no clearly the height's not affecting it i was just lying that's so rude of them i was

00:59:42.180 so rude of meg the stallion to do that to me the fellow talls yeah the fellow stallions it's really

00:59:46.520 upsetting that's such a bummer i'm much more of a pony myself you're a pony i'm a stallion

00:59:52.660 okay so to wrap us i would love to know if you have any advice for any aspiring artists whether

01:00:00.900 it's comedians like stand-up or actors um the advice that I try to take myself is kind of what

01:00:08.200 I touched on earlier like my job is just to create yeah and like kind of follow my heart make things

01:00:15.360 that make me laugh and stay out of the results right like you it's like that classic you work

01:00:22.240 so hard on a video or whatever you put it out crickets you you know fart into the microphone

01:00:26.480 8 million views yeah totally and it's just like so let go yeah let go of the result just enjoy

01:00:33.400 what you're doing like because that is the point of art is the point yeah the point is being able

01:00:39.040 to monetize it is great but the point is to create i that's what i think at least yeah totally i think

01:00:44.760 that's beautiful yeah just and do it like a lot of people sit on something for a long time trying

01:00:49.800 to make it perfect or like so skip do it you gotta just do it you gotta let it fly you gotta be messy

01:00:54.540 very true yeah and like you said like sometimes the the learning is in the doing like sometimes

01:00:59.100 you need to fail and like see it fail in order for it to it's necessary yeah absolutely no one

01:01:04.480 is what's the thing oh for 10 is it 10 for 10 what's the sports thing when you get it all

01:01:10.160 okay um but no one is like all hits no one's graph is like yeah like all wins it's this yeah

01:01:21.180 absolutely you're looking for an upward trajectory especially as an artist yes yeah it's like the

01:01:26.000 name of the game unfortunately yeah and most of us are ahead of the curve yeah so you're gonna feel

01:01:30.680 you're gonna feel vulnerable you're gonna feel like exposed you're gonna feel silly yeah who

01:01:35.440 cares and you know what clown for hire that's what i am honk honk yeah really bitch i got a tiny car

01:01:43.040 pass my ass in it i'll bring the peanuts period you bring the elephant okay careful with that

01:01:49.440 elephant now i want to watch the greatest showman yeah oh my god i loved that movie when it first

01:01:57.060 came out i want to say this with not an ounce of like sarcasm top five favorite movies top five

01:02:04.120 it came out during the holidays i lied to my family on christmas eve about having to do work

01:02:09.860 went to see it guess where i was parked in the theater yeah this brings me joy the duet between

01:02:17.600 zach everyone and hugh jackman yeah i was gonna say and zendaya oh that was great give me zendaya

01:02:22.800 swinging from a rope around the building oh my god love it speaking of a stallion with a little

01:02:27.660 pony that was her and zach efron oh yes oh yes zach efron birthday twin birthday twin with you

01:02:36.360 after over 18 all i know is zendaya's a virgo so and i'm also a virgo stop so look at us me and

01:02:41.580 your man or libras now you and i have to do the greatest showman oh yeah but you be zendaya and

01:02:48.620 i'll be i know you thought you were gonna send me through a twist on that one i was like i was

01:02:54.200 waiting i was like i hope this bitch doesn't think she's zendaya you beat me to it there you go thank

01:03:00.100 you so much for coming on the show thank you for having me i fucking love you i love you too you're

01:03:04.260 the best it has been a joy it has been a joy and a pleasure and where can everybody find you oh my

01:03:09.720 Gosh, I'm at Zach Noe Towers everywhere.

01:03:12.540 I'm also going to be in London doing a show August 1st at Leicester Square.

01:03:17.760 Ooh, how exciting.

01:03:18.820 And my first special is coming out on YouTube.

01:03:21.880 Bob the Drag Queen produced it.

01:03:23.380 April 24th.

01:03:24.680 It's called Twink Death.

01:03:25.780 Oh, my God.

01:03:26.420 I'm so excited for you.

01:03:28.760 Congratulations.

01:03:29.800 You should come to like the, I'll invite you to the little party we're having.

01:03:32.860 Yeah, please.

01:03:33.440 But, you know, and anyone in the room.

01:03:35.100 Yes.

01:03:35.960 Well, no, you guys can't come.

01:03:37.080 Just me.

01:03:37.700 Well.

01:03:37.940 also i just got pr for the first time and i thought this was them and they go oh no we didn't do that

01:03:43.760 i went bitch you better step it up then because i got drew on my own oh you thought this oh i see

01:03:50.620 no mama that was me thank you that was me there you go and i'll ask i'll invoice you for my 10

01:03:56.660 you do it what's 10 of eight dollars no one knows we'll split it we'll split it you me and

01:04:02.820 your sister we'll split it and your sister oh now the pie's getting a little bit too small okay yeah

01:04:08.520 see we got to revaluate yeah yeah well thank you for coming on i love you you're amazing thank you

01:04:14.040 all so much for tuning into this episode of the comment section don't forget new episodes drop

01:04:17.440 every wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms and the video lives exclusively

01:04:22.340 on spotify make sure y'all follow zach he is so funny and so amazing and obviously we're in love

01:04:27.780 now so go ahead and get with it and i'll see you next week bye

01:04:32.820 Thank you.

The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - March 25, 2026

CLOWN FOR HIRE Ft. Zach Noe Towers ｜ Episode 214

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