The Comment Section with Drew Afualo

00:00:00.000 I wish I could be, like, bougie and, like, do red wine, but I just can't.

00:00:03.200 No, no. I'm still a kid.

00:00:05.120 Yeah, it tastes like ass, and I think it's okay if we say that.

00:00:08.220 It tastes like grape juice and motor oil.

00:00:12.860 Dirt. Gasoline.

00:00:14.620 Soil.

00:00:19.560 Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the best Christmas episode you've ever seen in your entire life, or happy holidays.

00:00:25.500 I don't know what you support. I don't care either.

00:00:27.540 Today, I have a very, very special guest on the comment section with me, your favorites.

00:00:33.100 It's the one and only More Pesto, Please, a.k.a. Julia Leahy.

00:00:37.820 Woo!

00:00:40.260 Hello.

00:00:40.780 Hello.

00:00:41.980 It's Leahy.

00:00:43.320 Leahy.

00:00:43.780 I should have asked.

00:00:45.000 That's A-okay.

00:00:45.880 Oh, my God, that's so embarrassing.

00:00:46.840 That's okay. It's like my whole elementary school.

00:00:48.900 And I look like this. That makes it even worse.

00:00:51.020 I think you can own it more like this.

00:00:53.000 You know what I mean? Dress like a dick, talk like a dick is so awful.

00:00:55.960 That was the hot Cheeto.

00:00:57.280 I apologize.

00:00:58.260 See, I have a theory that like whenever something's covering my entire head, it like starts to suck my brain cells out.

00:01:04.800 Because that episode, I was like all over the place. I don't even know what happened.

00:01:08.820 I think you are most like, this is it.

00:01:11.900 Yeah, I would say. It's very festive.

00:01:14.020 Very festive.

00:01:14.660 This is a festive episode.

00:01:15.680 I love a costume. I love to pull focus.

00:01:18.460 As you should.

00:01:19.560 Christmas tree. That's pretty much where it all leads.

00:01:21.400 Yeah, the center of the living room.

00:01:22.640 The center of the first thing people look at when they come in the living room.

00:01:26.180 The first thing. Rockefeller Center.

00:01:28.080 Lighten up the city.

00:01:29.300 I was just there.

00:01:30.400 Like this.

00:01:30.680 I went there and I said, there can only be one of us.

00:01:34.860 Yeah.

00:01:35.060 I mean, this town ain't big enough.

00:01:36.200 It ain't big enough. This country ain't big enough.

00:01:39.200 I'm so happy to have you.

00:01:40.400 Thank you for having me.

00:01:41.360 You are by far the funniest person on TikTok.

00:01:44.740 You're one of the funniest people.

00:01:46.280 Thank you. I would argue that you're one of the funniest people.

00:01:49.040 Period.

00:01:49.320 And I even messaged you.

00:01:51.120 And we're done.

00:01:51.880 I said, and that's it, guys.

00:01:53.400 That's all we need to talk about.

00:01:54.880 I literally, I think you and I messaged each other on TikTok about it because I was saying,

00:01:58.940 I love funny women.

00:02:01.240 I stan funny women.

00:02:02.920 And that's all it's all about.

00:02:04.860 A funny bitch, you got me as a fan immediately.

00:02:07.640 Well, thank you so much.

00:02:09.480 That was so kind.

00:02:10.460 How did you get started on TikTok?

00:02:12.160 Like, um, during like COVID when I was losing my marbles, um, cause I'm like, I'm a fairly

00:02:19.840 extroverted person and I was like going days without speaking to another human being and

00:02:23.700 I was losing my mind and I had a very rough Tinder encounter.

00:02:29.460 And I was like, why text all my friends this story?

00:02:32.860 If I could just post this story on TikTok where my seven friends already follow me.

00:02:36.900 And then it like blew up.

00:02:38.140 It was crazy.

00:02:39.060 Yeah.

00:02:39.420 Um, and I just like, I was like, we're just gonna, we're just gonna run with this.

00:02:43.520 And that's all I did.

00:02:44.100 That's what I'm saying.

00:02:44.960 You know what?

00:02:45.580 If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

00:02:46.720 That's what I'm thinking.

00:02:47.420 Don't fix it.

00:02:47.960 So that's what I did.

00:02:49.260 You kind of like lean into a skin.

00:02:51.000 I feel like that's a pattern with most people who like kind of fell into content creation.

00:02:56.260 You're like, well, I'm here.

00:02:57.920 I might as well do it.

00:02:58.660 The drama and the tea is that I'm a theater kid, reformed, but deep in my heart, I was

00:03:08.180 a theater kid.

00:03:08.940 And so it's like, it's like, it's performance kind of something.

00:03:12.780 Yeah.

00:03:13.060 It's like of the same, um, branch.

00:03:16.580 Yeah.

00:03:16.740 It's entertainment.

00:03:17.560 Yeah.

00:03:18.060 So I was like, I'm just going to do this cause ain't no way I'm making it to, you know,

00:03:21.760 the great white way.

00:03:24.380 Never say never.

00:03:25.420 I mean, this is a great way to springboard yourself into that like realm anyways.

00:03:30.180 It's okay.

00:03:30.580 When I was like 12 years old, I was like, this, this is never the stream is dead.

00:03:35.420 Are you talking like musical theater?

00:03:37.360 Are you talking like just acting or like sketch comedy?

00:03:42.200 What was your dream?

00:03:43.160 Um, like if this frames it in any way for you, when Hamilton came out and I was like 14,

00:03:48.380 my brain was rewired and I was never the same and I was everyone's worst nightmare and I

00:03:55.920 still am.

00:03:56.420 And you're all, now I monetized it.

00:03:59.240 And now people like it.

00:04:02.520 Can you sing?

00:04:03.680 A little bit.

00:04:04.520 Really?

00:04:05.020 Yeah.

00:04:05.400 I'm jealous.

00:04:06.000 I can't sing at all.

00:04:06.940 I am.

00:04:07.560 I'm an acapella girl now.

00:04:09.300 Oh, that's right.

00:04:10.360 You've told many a story about your acapella group.

00:04:13.180 Yeah.

00:04:13.720 How long have you been in your acapella group?

00:04:15.360 Uh, my whole time at college.

00:04:16.440 So it was my fourth year in my acapella group.

00:04:17.980 Oh, I love that.

00:04:18.680 When old are you?

00:04:19.580 I'm a senior in college.

00:04:20.360 I'm 21.

00:04:21.260 Oh.

00:04:21.700 Yeah.

00:04:22.580 Great age.

00:04:23.520 Prime age.

00:04:24.000 Sure.

00:04:24.240 I go to sleep at like 8 p.m.

00:04:26.460 So I don't know.

00:04:27.920 I don't know either.

00:04:28.940 Honestly, I was like, this is not me condoning it by any means, but, um, I underage drank

00:04:33.720 for so long that I was like, by the time I was 21, I was like, I'm a 90 year old man

00:04:38.260 and I can't do it anymore.

00:04:38.640 Yeah, right.

00:04:38.940 It's time for bed.

00:04:39.780 I'm hanging them up.

00:04:40.460 It's time for bed.

00:04:41.000 You know what I mean?

00:04:41.280 I've retired.

00:04:42.240 And I remember being like in high school, my parents would be like, you know, under our

00:04:46.720 roof, give, give your keys.

00:04:48.720 And it was like, fine.

00:04:49.960 Yeah.

00:04:50.200 And now I'm like, why go out?

00:04:52.480 The alcohol is in my house.

00:04:54.440 Why do I have to leave and get dressed?

00:04:56.460 There you go.

00:04:57.440 I mean, you don't have to.

00:04:59.660 No.

00:05:00.000 And I don't.

00:05:00.860 You could be comfy and you could talk to yourself.

00:05:03.620 Yeah.

00:05:03.640 Have a white wine alone.

00:05:05.740 Oh man.

00:05:07.240 Yeah.

00:05:07.540 The amount of times I've done that.

00:05:08.840 Sometimes you gotta do.

00:05:10.240 I think it's just.

00:05:11.260 Put on a children's movie.

00:05:13.040 And then rewatch it with a new lens.

00:05:15.100 Yeah.

00:05:15.440 Drunk.

00:05:15.880 And I'm like, this is a symbol for.

00:05:18.560 Symbolism.

00:05:19.120 Symbolism.

00:05:19.560 It's so important.

00:05:20.140 I'm watching like Ice Age 2 and I'm like this.

00:05:23.100 Where has this been?

00:05:24.040 You're watching like Shrek 2 where there's lots of innuendos and you're like.

00:05:28.440 I watched Shrek 2 in the last two weeks.

00:05:32.060 Really?

00:05:32.280 I've watched Shrek 2.

00:05:33.240 It hits.

00:05:33.660 It's better than Shrek 1.

00:05:34.860 Hot take.

00:05:35.600 That is a hot take.

00:05:36.520 Yeah.

00:05:37.040 Well.

00:05:37.980 I need to hear you.

00:05:38.700 I'm with you.

00:05:39.740 That's human Shrek 1, right?

00:05:41.380 Yeah.

00:05:41.780 Yeah.

00:05:42.180 Handsome Shrek.

00:05:42.940 Handsome Shrek.

00:05:43.560 Yeah.

00:05:44.300 Yeah.

00:05:44.540 Why did they make him so handsome?

00:05:46.160 That seemed a little inappropriate.

00:05:47.980 I.

00:05:48.380 I.

00:05:48.580 You didn't have to do that.

00:05:49.320 It has.

00:05:49.840 It has really stuck with me.

00:05:51.160 You didn't have to go that hard when you were sculpting him.

00:05:54.000 No, they didn't have to go that hard, but they did.

00:05:55.680 And then they had, we got Puss in Boots coming in.

00:05:58.040 I know.

00:05:58.800 It was too much.

00:05:59.500 It's a fantastic film.

00:06:01.460 It's a cinematic raster piece.

00:06:02.620 It's coming at you from all sides.

00:06:03.820 It is.

00:06:04.220 Julie Andrews is in it.

00:06:05.320 I know.

00:06:06.540 I forget about that all the time.

00:06:08.340 It's unmatchable.

00:06:09.340 Also that the dad ends up being a frog.

00:06:11.180 So it's just like an ultimate story of projection.

00:06:13.180 The dad ends up being a frog and he goes to like, um, the like bar, the undercover

00:06:18.760 like club in like a cloak and it's like a drug deal low key, but he's going to like

00:06:23.680 get the potions.

00:06:24.660 I don't know.

00:06:25.040 I was, I'm just like on the edge of my seat, like watching Shrek 2.

00:06:28.540 Rewatching it.

00:06:29.260 Yeah.

00:06:29.620 Re-experiencing it.

00:06:30.540 With my rosé.

00:06:31.840 Are you a rosé girl?

00:06:32.980 Of course.

00:06:33.360 I would say I'm, I'm like a white wine, like Riesling kind of girl.

00:06:38.340 Okay.

00:06:38.940 I wish I could be, yeah.

00:06:40.920 I wish I could be like bougie and like do red wine, but I just can't.

00:06:44.220 No, no.

00:06:44.580 I'm still a kid.

00:06:46.120 Yeah.

00:06:46.760 It tastes like ass and I think it's okay if we say that.

00:06:49.220 It tastes like grape juice and motor oil.

00:06:53.760 Dirt.

00:06:54.660 Dirt.

00:06:55.100 Gasoline.

00:06:55.660 Soil.

00:06:56.320 No, like truly like earth, like.

00:06:58.760 Earth.

00:06:59.680 It's just, it's not good.

00:07:01.540 Yeah.

00:07:01.700 And I wish I could be like bougie enough to say that it is, but it's not.

00:07:05.040 Just like when people like drink like whiskey on the rocks.

00:07:07.780 I'm like, who are you trying to impress?

00:07:08.840 No, a Manhattan, an old fashioned.

00:07:11.780 Who are you trying to impress?

00:07:13.160 Absolutely no one.

00:07:14.360 You know that, you know that literally in the last 10 years you were like chugging a four

00:07:18.040 logo.

00:07:18.460 Like don't pretend like we're different.

00:07:20.060 I'll drink barefoot Riesling wine all day, every day.

00:07:22.200 I don't care what anybody has to say about it.

00:07:23.640 That one.

00:07:24.160 And I'll put ice cubes in there and I don't want to hear it.

00:07:26.560 I don't want to hear it.

00:07:27.520 Cause I'm not smart enough to put it in the freezer to chill it or the fridge.

00:07:31.040 I mean, cause I purchased it from the store and it's not, it says, it's not making it

00:07:35.460 into the fridge.

00:07:36.080 I'm cracking it open on the walk home.

00:07:38.660 There's no reason to.

00:07:40.420 I put ice cubes in my wine once and my friend was like, what are you doing?

00:07:43.500 Like I was like, I don't know, committing some sort of sacrilege.

00:07:48.320 Huh?

00:07:48.620 You want it chilled?

00:07:49.420 Yeah.

00:07:49.780 It's the problem.

00:07:50.280 It's gross when it's warm.

00:07:51.900 I want to drink it cold.

00:07:53.140 It tastes like pee.

00:07:53.580 It's like beer.

00:07:54.000 Who wants warm beer?

00:07:54.640 No one.

00:07:54.900 Oh, what's your favorite kind of beer?

00:07:57.340 Um, uh, I like, I, sometimes I'll get like a Modelo.

00:08:01.160 Those are nice.

00:08:02.120 I like those.

00:08:02.600 Pretty, pretty, pretty standard.

00:08:04.420 Yeah.

00:08:04.800 I'd say.

00:08:05.600 Not too out of the box.

00:08:06.920 Yeah.

00:08:07.280 I would say.

00:08:07.700 But like, like sometimes, like I get respect when I order like a beer at a bar cause I'm,

00:08:13.460 you know, a female.

00:08:14.920 Ice cold beer.

00:08:15.880 Ice cold.

00:08:16.340 I'll have an ice cold crisp, crispy one.

00:08:19.120 Crisp, crispy beer.

00:08:21.140 Crack open a crisp beer.

00:08:22.760 Surprise me.

00:08:23.540 That's what you tell the bartender.

00:08:24.460 They're like, you've never been here before.

00:08:26.100 Who are you?

00:08:26.860 The usual.

00:08:27.800 You've never been in here before.

00:08:31.100 I know.

00:08:31.640 I'm not really a big beer person.

00:08:33.640 Are you not a beer?

00:08:34.180 Okay.

00:08:34.720 I mean, I like beer.

00:08:36.040 I, I, if it's like ice cold and like I'm in the mood, sure.

00:08:39.300 It serves its purpose.

00:08:40.240 There's a time and a place.

00:08:41.360 I think so.

00:08:42.280 I'd like, I'm, I'm like a fruity fun drink kind of girl.

00:08:44.760 I was going to say, if you're at, if you're at the bar, what is your, what do you get?

00:08:47.080 What's your cocktail?

00:08:47.560 So when I was in my prime, when I was in my prime single bitch, like ho days, when I

00:08:56.240 was for the streets, I would always get like vodka crayon because it's cheap and men are

00:09:01.020 like, that's easy.

00:09:01.900 And it's juice.

00:09:02.820 Yeah.

00:09:03.080 It's juice.

00:09:03.660 There you go.

00:09:04.380 You get sugar.

00:09:05.320 You get drunk.

00:09:06.000 Yeah.

00:09:06.480 I used to do vodka Red Bulls, but then I got too sick of those.

00:09:09.520 That I think is heinous.

00:09:12.120 It is.

00:09:12.840 Heinous crime.

00:09:13.700 That's the mixing of those two is pretty.

00:09:16.100 Well, that's like an upper and a downer.

00:09:17.760 Your body's like losing its mind trying to figure out what you just felt.

00:09:21.300 The sugar is out of this world in that drink.

00:09:23.000 My stomach was in knots.

00:09:25.180 I'd be blowing up the bathroom if I wasn't like trying to keep it together.

00:09:28.120 And I'm still blowing up the bathroom.

00:09:29.760 Now I'm doing that regardless of alcohol.

00:09:30.540 Vodka Red Bull or not.

00:09:32.780 Whether that's involved, doesn't matter.

00:09:35.160 What are you getting at the bar?

00:09:36.500 I really like a rum and Coke.

00:09:38.040 Not to sound like, like a father, but a rum and Coke.

00:09:41.240 Really?

00:09:41.740 Yeah.

00:09:42.720 What kind of rum?

00:09:43.500 Do you like Captain Morgan or?

00:09:45.740 I feel like in a rum and Coke, you'd go like a white rum, right?

00:09:48.920 Really?

00:09:49.180 I don't know.

00:09:50.160 I genuinely don't know.

00:09:50.940 I know that I'm not drinking Malibu.

00:09:52.960 I have something with coconut.

00:09:54.900 Unless it's like a coquito.

00:09:56.500 I can't do it.

00:09:57.580 Like in the actual coconut?

00:09:59.420 Is that what you're talking about?

00:10:00.280 No, like those like, it's like eggnog coquito.

00:10:03.540 Oh, I don't know what those are.

00:10:04.800 Oh, it's like cinnamony, creamy, delicious.

00:10:07.660 But other than that, I steer clear coconut.

00:10:10.160 Really?

00:10:10.540 Yeah.

00:10:10.780 Do you have war stories from that or what?

00:10:13.300 Or you're just not a big fan of coconut?

00:10:14.620 Because neither am I.

00:10:15.440 I don't know if I can go there.

00:10:18.200 I don't know if you can take me back to that place.

00:10:21.380 That's why I don't drink Jose's silver, like tequila anymore.

00:10:25.480 Do you have like a, like a, like a flashback?

00:10:27.500 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:28.260 Um, that was when I thought I was invincible so I could drink like, I genuinely was like,

00:10:33.320 I could drink a million of shots of these and it'll be fine.

00:10:35.420 I took like six before I left the house.

00:10:38.720 Before you even got out the door?

00:10:39.960 Yeah, before I was even out the door.

00:10:41.380 Not even at the function?

00:10:42.640 No.

00:10:43.300 At the pregame.

00:10:43.880 You're done.

00:10:44.200 Went straight to the club.

00:10:45.380 I remember getting there and I remember leaving.

00:10:47.920 I don't remember much in between.

00:10:49.660 But I do remember the night ended.

00:10:52.800 By the way, I was 21 at this time.

00:10:54.820 But I do remember the night ended because, you know when you're in the club and you go

00:10:59.020 into the bathroom with your girlfriends, like you all use the same stall?

00:11:01.520 Yeah, yeah.

00:11:01.840 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:02.520 And you like come to crazy conclusions in there.

00:11:04.880 Yeah.

00:11:05.400 And you're like, I love you guys.

00:11:06.420 It's almost like a regrouping.

00:11:08.720 Yeah, oh, yeah.

00:11:09.280 Like a re-strategize.

00:11:10.620 You're like, what are we doing?

00:11:11.520 Decompress.

00:11:11.900 Yeah, exactly.

00:11:13.140 So I go in there.

00:11:14.060 I was wearing a romper.

00:11:15.120 So, you know, when you wear a romper, you have to get completely nude to go to the bathroom.

00:11:18.440 I sat down to go.

00:11:19.020 Which is not different from usual for me.

00:11:20.600 No.

00:11:22.180 Typically, that's how I do it anyway.

00:11:23.340 Do you not do that?

00:11:24.040 No.

00:11:24.500 Can you imagine if that's how I found out?

00:11:27.000 Not everyone gets naked.

00:11:28.040 That's how you found out?

00:11:29.280 That's not normal to do that.

00:11:30.520 Does people not do that?

00:11:31.720 I literally took off my romper and I was like sitting naked on the toilet going pee.

00:11:36.760 Sure.

00:11:37.000 And I just threw up on the ground next to me.

00:11:39.840 Oh my God, both ends.

00:11:41.140 Yeah, my friend looked at me.

00:11:42.020 She goes, I think it's time we go home.

00:11:43.500 It's time to leave.

00:11:44.180 I was like, yeah, you know what?

00:11:45.620 I think you're right.

00:11:46.280 As an empath, I think you're sensing it's time to go home.

00:11:49.320 As an empath, I think you might be right.

00:11:51.960 Let's leave.

00:11:53.000 Went home.

00:11:54.280 And when I got in the Uber, the guy, I thought I was killing it.

00:11:56.820 You know when you're like super, super blackout and you're like, I'm blending in.

00:12:01.000 Nobody knows.

00:12:01.680 Nobody can tell.

00:12:03.040 I can't even imagine what I looked like, but I know I was missing an eyelash, so not good.

00:12:07.080 And then I get in the car and the guy goes, if she throws up in here, that's $100.

00:12:10.800 My friend's like, she's not going to do that, right?

00:12:12.440 And she put a bag on my ears like a muzzle.

00:12:15.100 So I was sitting with it like this.

00:12:16.020 Oh my God.

00:12:17.100 Just eyes.

00:12:17.840 Just eyes.

00:12:18.360 Yeah, just eyes.

00:12:19.280 And I was like trying to focus the whole way home.

00:12:21.380 I had such a similar experience so recently.

00:12:24.260 I was Ubering home and I was, you ever white knuckled it in a Toyota RAV4?

00:12:31.140 Because that's what I was doing.

00:12:32.240 Knees to your chest because it's so small.

00:12:33.540 And my eyes were closed.

00:12:35.000 And I've talked about this on TikTok too because it's always me fighting for my life in the Uber.

00:12:39.740 Whether it's this way or this way.

00:12:42.120 Yeah.

00:12:42.520 I'm fighting for my life.

00:12:43.500 And I was coming home from the bar, like back up to the Bronx.

00:12:47.680 So it was like a long ride.

00:12:48.820 And I was eyes closed.

00:12:50.920 I was like, I don't know if there's, I went to Catholic school.

00:12:53.140 But listen, I don't know if there's a God up there.

00:12:55.320 I don't know if anyone can hear me.

00:12:57.020 I promise I'm a good person.

00:12:58.600 I promise.

00:12:59.280 I will never, literally I will repent.

00:13:02.220 But I was like, I got to get home right now.

00:13:04.320 And then I was like, but I'm not about to pay the cleaning fee.

00:13:07.640 No, not at all.

00:13:08.400 So I said, sir, I'm going to need you to pull over.

00:13:10.920 And I threw up in Harlem on the street.

00:13:13.140 I think I need to get some pressure on the street.

00:13:16.100 Not sure whose apartment it was in front of.

00:13:17.740 And I apologize.

00:13:18.660 But you know what?

00:13:20.180 I did not pay a cent.

00:13:22.100 And that's.

00:13:23.120 And that's what it's all about.

00:13:24.240 A triumph.

00:13:24.800 That's what I'd say.

00:13:25.480 Call that a dud.

00:13:26.020 I don't want to call myself a hero.

00:13:28.080 But.

00:13:29.180 I don't want to say it's equivalent to a hero.

00:13:31.980 I don't want to say I'm a bull model.

00:13:34.980 But you know what?

00:13:36.860 I don't know.

00:13:37.680 I just like, that's just what other people have said about me.

00:13:39.500 I don't want to put words in your mouth.

00:13:41.140 But like.

00:13:41.540 Right.

00:13:41.960 No.

00:13:42.180 That's what people have said about me.

00:13:43.520 I think most.

00:13:44.700 Like.

00:13:45.260 I think anyone who goes out and makes it home.

00:13:48.440 And doesn't throw up.

00:13:49.560 Or in a fashion that embarrasses them in any way.

00:13:52.800 Dub.

00:13:53.260 Yeah.

00:13:53.840 Absolutely.

00:13:54.440 I think after that day though.

00:13:55.540 That's a success.

00:13:56.600 Even when I had my unfortunate mishap with tequila.

00:13:59.800 I was like, I think this life isn't for me.

00:14:02.040 It turns out shitting yourself isn't very fun.

00:14:04.040 Because the next morning you pay for it in a different way.

00:14:06.220 And I'm like, I thought I paid my dues last night.

00:14:08.300 Apparently not.

00:14:09.140 The piper has come to collect once again.

00:14:11.060 Do you get a bad hangover?

00:14:12.780 Then, yeah.

00:14:13.700 Now I'm such a lightweight.

00:14:15.400 Like, this is not a joke.

00:14:16.600 Probably like a few months ago I was with my boyfriend's family.

00:14:19.800 Like, we were just.

00:14:21.280 We had like lunch.

00:14:22.440 And I had like.

00:14:23.160 I had four beers.

00:14:25.300 Next day, violently hungover.

00:14:27.480 Oh my god.

00:14:27.620 When I tell you violently hungover.

00:14:29.620 Like, I was bedridden.

00:14:30.620 Sometimes it'd be like that.

00:14:32.220 You would have thought I came down with smallpox, bitch.

00:14:34.180 Like, the way I was like.

00:14:35.420 Wiped out.

00:14:35.840 The way I was like.

00:14:36.920 Move on without me.

00:14:37.940 Not too quick though.

00:14:39.300 If you move too quick, I will come back.

00:14:41.020 Remember me.

00:14:41.660 Yeah.

00:14:42.000 Remember me.

00:14:42.580 But not like this.

00:14:43.800 I literally called my mom crying.

00:14:45.440 And I was like, I don't know what's wrong with me.

00:14:46.900 I literally don't.

00:14:47.520 I even COVID tested myself.

00:14:48.620 Because I thought that was what it was.

00:14:48.940 Right.

00:14:49.340 I was like, there's no way.

00:14:50.180 This is just my body.

00:14:51.340 I am one time.

00:14:53.720 It's so bad.

00:14:54.360 One time woke up at like maybe 4 p.m.

00:14:56.640 And I had unfortunately ruined my comforter.

00:15:00.960 And I called my mom to be like, can my comforter go in the wash?

00:15:04.460 Naturally.

00:15:04.980 I just wanted to check with her.

00:15:06.340 And she informed me that at 4 p.m. that it was her birthday.

00:15:10.000 And I had forgotten.

00:15:12.560 And I called her.

00:15:14.060 She was expecting me to say, happy birthday, mom.

00:15:16.580 And I said, hey, can my comforter go in the wash?

00:15:18.860 Oh my god.

00:15:19.260 I shit myself, mom.

00:15:20.180 No, luckily it was the other way.

00:15:22.740 Oh, throw up.

00:15:23.380 No, throw up.

00:15:23.860 But I was like.

00:15:24.660 Oh my god, now you're throwing up on your own comforter.

00:15:26.260 I know, in the night.

00:15:27.560 Dangerous.

00:15:27.980 And you're like, mom, please, can you help me?

00:15:29.820 Can this go in the way?

00:15:30.680 Is this, can I dry clean this?

00:15:32.140 And she's like, it's my birthday.

00:15:33.600 I'm out to dinner with your father right now.

00:15:35.660 You're like, happy birthday, by the way.

00:15:36.920 I was like, oh my god.

00:15:38.100 And I went online and I express shipped her an edible arrangement.

00:15:41.380 And I was like, oh, good thing your present's on its way.

00:15:43.800 That's another reason.

00:15:44.740 Pay 20 hours, express shipping, like, right now.

00:15:47.020 That's another reason I was calling you.

00:15:48.160 So I was like, I'm literally on the phone with edible arrangements right now.

00:15:51.280 Oh my god.

00:15:51.660 Oh, I gotta go.

00:15:52.440 Edible arrangements is calling me.

00:15:53.740 There's a problem with the melon.

00:15:55.960 I gotta go.

00:15:56.380 That's why I was calling you, actually.

00:15:58.860 Yeah, really.

00:15:59.740 A low.

00:16:00.620 Yeah.

00:16:00.840 A low.

00:16:01.380 And then I was like, do you hate me?

00:16:03.060 And she was like, get yourself cleaned up.

00:16:04.600 Figure it out.

00:16:05.240 I don't know.

00:16:07.420 Okay.

00:16:07.900 Well, all of that is perfect buildup to our topic for today.

00:16:12.220 Because today we're going to be talking about storytelling.

00:16:14.540 And I feel like you and I have mastered the art.

00:16:17.040 Yeah.

00:16:17.360 You especially.

00:16:18.400 Your storytelling is wonderful, amazing.

00:16:20.900 Thank you.

00:16:21.360 Thank you.

00:16:21.540 I have no notes whatsoever.

00:16:22.980 Oh my god.

00:16:23.280 That's coming from you.

00:16:23.980 Other than to just tell more stories.

00:16:25.600 That's it.

00:16:26.020 I will get right on that.

00:16:27.060 I feel like you've had a very colorful life.

00:16:30.060 Yeah.

00:16:30.480 I mean, like, 12 years of, like, indoctrination in the Catholic school system will do that to you.

00:16:35.520 That's typically how it works.

00:16:36.160 Being a theater kid.

00:16:37.080 Like, it's a lot.

00:16:38.400 Were you a theater kid in Catholic school, too?

00:16:40.640 Oh, of course.

00:16:41.420 Really?

00:16:41.800 Oh, of course.

00:16:42.700 Interesting.

00:16:43.320 Yeah.

00:16:43.800 You've hit a new low when, like, the nuns at your school won't let you do Grease due to, like, suggestive nature.

00:16:51.000 Yeah, you know, that'll do it.

00:16:51.740 And you say, Little Women again, man.

00:16:54.760 Was it always Little Women?

00:16:56.060 Was it, like, a repeat of Little Women, yeah.

00:16:58.160 Were you ever a main character in Little Women?

00:16:59.460 I was Marmee.

00:17:00.580 Really?

00:17:01.000 Little Women, Laura Dern, in the 2019 movie adaption.

00:17:04.060 Please don't fret.

00:17:04.900 I don't want to brag.

00:17:06.660 You know, not to flex on you, House, but.

00:17:08.640 Yeah, I was like, I can't believe Laura Dern's playing my part.

00:17:12.340 Oh, my God.

00:17:13.160 That's so kind of Laura.

00:17:14.320 She's so, Laura.

00:17:16.560 That's what I call her.

00:17:17.180 Laura, a little Laura girl, yeah.

00:17:18.060 Yeah.

00:17:18.620 Laura, I mean, you guys might know as Laura.

00:17:20.300 Laura Dern.

00:17:21.060 Little Dernski.

00:17:24.000 You know what's funny?

00:17:24.740 When I was in, like, how old was I?

00:17:26.540 I think I was in, like, third, fourth grade.

00:17:29.500 Was it fourth grade?

00:17:30.600 I forget.

00:17:31.120 The year that you learn about the gold rush.

00:17:33.060 Sure.

00:17:33.540 Right?

00:17:34.020 1849.

00:17:34.560 Yeah.

00:17:35.260 So, we did this, like, big play.

00:17:37.200 No, I think it's fifth grade.

00:17:38.380 They do this big play in my school.

00:17:41.140 Tell me you were the gold nugget.

00:17:44.140 That was the rush.

00:17:45.000 I was the rush.

00:17:45.720 I was the year 1849.

00:17:48.260 When I did it, I remember my sister is, she's two years older than me, but she's a year ahead

00:17:53.480 of me in school.

00:17:54.380 And she tried out for the play, and she got a main part, and her name was Becky.

00:17:58.140 I remember this so clearly.

00:17:59.340 Because she was, like, the funny girl.

00:18:01.440 She had all the quips, you know what I mean?

00:18:04.220 She's where you look to for comedic relief.

00:18:06.300 Is this, like, did they write this play for you guys?

00:18:08.480 Is this a well-known one?

00:18:09.300 Yeah, no, no.

00:18:10.000 It was literally made up by my school.

00:18:11.900 And so, my sister did it, and I was like, I'm going to play that part for sure.

00:18:15.860 That's so funny.

00:18:16.760 Pass on the legacy.

00:18:17.580 I'm funny, right?

00:18:18.940 Makes sense.

00:18:20.500 Same last name.

00:18:21.620 They're going to know I'm just as good.

00:18:23.520 It'll be perfect.

00:18:24.620 I went into that audition so confident.

00:18:27.580 Yeah, excuse me.

00:18:28.180 Honestly, the way I was so confident, probably, that's probably why I didn't get it, because

00:18:33.520 They said someone needs to humble this girl.

00:18:35.460 Be humbled.

00:18:36.420 But I literally was like, oh my god, like, this is so easy.

00:18:40.280 And she killed it, and so I was like, I'm going to kill it.

00:18:42.520 And I remember, I told all my friends when I left, I was like, I nailed it.

00:18:45.960 I got that shit in the bag, bitch.

00:18:48.300 Listen, all the other Beckys, pack your bags.

00:18:50.440 All the other Beckys.

00:18:51.360 Becky with the good hair?

00:18:52.680 You're getting a call, but it's for the understudy.

00:18:54.740 Right.

00:18:54.980 And I didn't get that part.

00:18:57.100 I didn't even get the understudy.

00:18:58.260 Bitch, they made me a background person.

00:18:59.740 The way they almost immediately banished me to the back of the choir, I was like, this

00:19:03.900 is going to embarrass them so much.

00:19:05.180 I hope they see this.

00:19:06.220 I know the mistakes that they made.

00:19:07.560 This is for the fifth grade Gold Rush play.

00:19:09.240 This is for whoever directed the fifth grade Gold Rush play.

00:19:11.260 I was so upset.

00:19:13.120 Like, I couldn't believe they didn't even give me, like, the understudy.

00:19:17.080 Not even close.

00:19:18.480 It's almost like I might as well have not even walked in there that day.

00:19:20.480 Yeah, you weren't Becky.

00:19:21.740 I put my heart on the line, and they just threw it right back at me.

00:19:25.660 Yeah, they did.

00:19:26.300 Didn't care at all.

00:19:26.960 There's nothing like a middle school, like, theater teacher to just absolutely rip your

00:19:33.200 heart in half.

00:19:34.480 I feel like they have the nerve.

00:19:38.980 Truly.

00:19:39.720 And all the gall in the gumption and none of the remorse.

00:19:42.940 Yeah, and I was like, do you guys know who I am?

00:19:45.160 You're all going to be sorry about that.

00:19:47.560 They're like, who are you?

00:19:48.360 Literally, who are you?

00:19:48.920 Literally, nobody cares.

00:19:50.080 Go back to seventh grade.

00:19:50.820 It's so funny.

00:19:52.020 In that, like, exact production, too, I was just like, I didn't even want to go and do

00:19:58.060 it.

00:19:58.380 Like, you have to participate.

00:19:59.580 I'm done with this.

00:20:00.340 I'm protesting.

00:20:01.420 Yeah.

00:20:01.860 That's what I get for trying to be a nepotism, baby.

00:20:03.860 Doesn't always work.

00:20:04.860 The world doesn't revolve around you.

00:20:06.620 Clearly.

00:20:07.440 Clearly not.

00:20:08.040 I'm a Lily Rose Deb.

00:20:08.940 Yeah, I'm not going to call you Becky.

00:20:10.280 I'll tell you that.

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00:21:12.720 Okay, so let's get into the storytelling, right?

00:21:16.040 So what we do here on the comment section show is we bring videos that are applicable

00:21:20.120 to our topic, and we laugh, kiki, tell all the jokes, all the stories, if you will, for

00:21:25.780 today.

00:21:26.340 Awesome.

00:21:26.720 So I'm going to describe these videos to you and the audience, but here's the first one.

00:21:32.660 So this is a woman, she's doing the one thing about me trend where you're doing it

00:21:37.580 to the beat.

00:21:38.040 Oh, one thing about me.

00:21:38.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:39.620 I wish I had, I had some really great stories, but most of them involve other people, and

00:21:43.560 I was like, I probably shouldn't.

00:21:44.160 I can't implicate.

00:21:45.360 Yeah, I probably shouldn't do that.

00:21:46.860 That's like my, one of my biggest struggles.

00:21:48.740 It's like, who is, I just know, like, I'm like shit talking to my third grade teacher

00:21:52.960 on TikTok.

00:21:53.640 I'm like, I just know her, like, cousin's sister's dog is going to see this or something.

00:21:56.420 I know.

00:21:56.760 It's going to come back to me.

00:21:57.360 Oh my God.

00:21:57.980 Cease and desist immediately.

00:21:58.900 Okay, and it says, uh, her story's about how when she was a little girl, her uncle would

00:22:04.920 call her chubby, which led to her feeling super insecure about her body for years.

00:22:09.260 Meanwhile, her uncle completely forgot about the comments and years later told her that

00:22:13.180 he thought she looked really skinny.

00:22:15.140 And the comments on here are less than favorable because it's men being like, women aren't

00:22:22.260 funny.

00:22:22.940 Yeah.

00:22:23.140 Right.

00:22:24.060 Uh, a tale's all this time.

00:22:26.180 That's a weird uncle.

00:22:27.220 What's it?

00:22:27.780 What are you doing making comments?

00:22:28.780 That's what I was going to say.

00:22:30.200 Get your uncle out of here.

00:22:31.380 The pedophilia is coming from inside the house.

00:22:33.340 Yeah.

00:22:33.520 I don't need.

00:22:34.020 Why is your uncle commenting on your body at all?

00:22:36.360 Uh-uh.

00:22:37.100 Not from, not from uncle, you know.

00:22:39.080 Uh-uh.

00:22:39.540 Well, no.

00:22:40.800 No.

00:22:41.160 But it's also the fact that, like, when women tell stories like that and they, like,

00:22:46.780 make light of their trauma, like, they're, they're, it's like working through your trauma

00:22:50.440 by, like, making jokes about it.

00:22:52.000 However you cope is however you cope.

00:22:53.880 But, like, you're telling a story.

00:22:55.620 Some people relate to it.

00:22:56.440 Some people laugh.

00:22:57.140 But, like, if it's a woman or a femme presenting person, men that are awful will immediately

00:23:02.580 be like, women are not funny.

00:23:04.260 Well, that's what's interesting from what you just described.

00:23:07.160 Yeah.

00:23:07.400 Like, I don't think it's a comedy video.

00:23:09.020 This is not funny.

00:23:09.880 I don't think that was, like, her big goal to get you to chuckle.

00:23:14.180 He said, boo.

00:23:15.040 Where's the joke?

00:23:15.980 Like, there isn't one, girl.

00:23:17.400 Get to the joke.

00:23:18.140 It's fine.

00:23:18.940 They start heckling her.

00:23:20.180 Yeah.

00:23:20.480 Like, she's doing a bit.

00:23:22.060 Do a flip.

00:23:23.500 She's like, I'm trying to unload my, my story here.

00:23:26.760 Yeah.

00:23:26.980 She's just trying to relate.

00:23:29.360 I think in the sense of, like, to other people who have dealt with trauma like that.

00:23:32.860 Yeah.

00:23:33.040 It's almost like they're like, where's the entertainment?

00:23:35.620 There isn't.

00:23:36.880 Like, I'm just looking for some support.

00:23:38.780 There really isn't much.

00:23:39.880 One of my, um, uh, other guests, Leo, Leo Gonzalez.

00:23:44.700 Yeah.

00:23:45.260 He had mentioned too, cause he's obviously like, he's a big, um, what do you call it?

00:23:49.400 A comedy person.

00:23:50.540 So he does skits and like, that's all he does.

00:23:52.920 It's very, it's such like clean, funny, like.

00:23:57.180 Yeah.

00:23:57.400 He's hilarious.

00:23:58.220 Smart humor.

00:23:58.860 Yeah.

00:23:59.040 So he said that when he gets comments that are like, oh, this isn't funny.

00:24:03.580 I don't find this funny.

00:24:04.960 He's always like, well, then it's not for you.

00:24:07.120 Yeah.

00:24:07.620 Well, humor is subjective.

00:24:09.100 I was going to say that.

00:24:09.780 Yeah.

00:24:10.240 Like, I mean, do you ever get people saying that you're not funny?

00:24:13.260 Um, I actually, a comment that I get like a bit is people will be like, wow, a woman

00:24:19.760 who made me laugh.

00:24:20.880 This has never happened before.

00:24:22.440 And I'm like, don't, don't put me, don't get me out of your story.

00:24:26.440 I don't want to be in your narrative.

00:24:27.440 Don't take me out immediately.

00:24:29.800 I don't.

00:24:30.260 Actually, block me.

00:24:31.520 Please.

00:24:32.580 I've had dudes, like I make videos and then they, they'll say things like, this one kind

00:24:38.100 of made me laugh.

00:24:38.680 Not going to lie.

00:24:39.300 Yeah.

00:24:39.680 Oh, I don't care.

00:24:40.600 How brave of you to admit.

00:24:41.660 Right?

00:24:42.160 No.

00:24:42.320 I don't give a shit.

00:24:43.540 I hope it made you mad.

00:24:44.440 That's what I hope.

00:24:44.820 I hope it hurt your feelings.

00:24:46.440 Angry.

00:24:47.160 I hope it made you really upset.

00:24:48.960 I hope it made you want to call your mom.

00:24:50.220 That's what I hope it did.

00:24:51.380 Um, yeah, but that's like, I think that's probably the main comment that I get.

00:24:54.960 Really?

00:24:55.240 Of that nature is like, or yeah, like.

00:24:57.300 Well, that's good.

00:24:57.980 I mean, I mean, not good, but better than the latter, I guess of like, you're so not

00:25:03.360 funny.

00:25:03.860 I, I mean, anything regarding like, like women aren't funny is the most common.

00:25:08.680 I don't, I've been very fortunate that I don't, I don't get like a ton of like crazy

00:25:13.720 negative stuff.

00:25:14.580 That's good.

00:25:15.160 I'm glad.

00:25:15.600 It's because the internet is like a terrible place.

00:25:17.420 So I'm very, I consider myself.

00:25:19.020 I know you're, you're out here in the trenches.

00:25:21.640 Yeah.

00:25:22.020 Um, but I like, that's the most common I get.

00:25:24.800 And then I was just saying this earlier, another one that I get is people will tell

00:25:28.980 me my nose is crooked.

00:25:30.820 Get out of my comments with that.

00:25:33.280 They'll say, I'll say, I'll tell a story.

00:25:34.800 I'm like one time when I was eight and then they'll be like, do you know that deviated septum

00:25:38.040 surgery is covered by insurance?

00:25:41.220 Quite literally.

00:25:42.220 Love you, girl.

00:25:42.660 I didn't ask you.

00:25:44.000 It's like, is it like through love?

00:25:46.220 I don't know.

00:25:47.280 I don't want it either way.

00:25:48.680 It doesn't feel like it.

00:25:50.220 I don't like, that's like, I can't even tell you how many, I can't even tell you how many

00:25:55.300 comments like that.

00:25:56.360 The backhanded compliments I get or comments I get that are like, they're not mean and

00:26:01.540 they're not loving and they're just backhand.

00:26:03.800 Yeah.

00:26:03.940 Passive aggressive.

00:26:04.860 Yeah.

00:26:05.160 They're, they're very backhanded, but it's almost like the neutrality of the, I'm so proud

00:26:11.960 of you for like coming out here and looking so good for being such a fat, greasy pig.

00:26:16.280 Like, okay.

00:26:16.960 You're so brave.

00:26:17.700 You're so brave.

00:26:18.620 You're so brave for that.

00:26:20.460 This is not a joke.

00:26:21.700 Literally yesterday, I was out with my family and this girl came up to me and she was like,

00:26:26.700 oh my God, are you on TikTok?

00:26:27.900 I go, yeah.

00:26:28.960 And then she goes, oh my gosh, I love your videos.

00:26:31.580 I go, thank you so much.

00:26:33.000 She goes, yeah, you are way prettier in person.

00:26:36.340 Oh my God.

00:26:36.740 That's what she said to my f***ing face.

00:26:39.720 I'm not, yesterday, literally yesterday.

00:26:42.620 That is so brutal.

00:26:44.220 When I tell you, that is tough.

00:26:47.540 I get that comment in person more than you could ever imagine.

00:26:52.080 That's terrible.

00:26:52.400 I don't know if it's word vomit or like what.

00:26:54.940 Nerds.

00:26:55.300 I don't know if y'all are telling me I photograph terribly.

00:26:57.120 Like, I don't know how to take it.

00:26:59.160 When you do everything else that your job involves, you're not pretty, but in real life,

00:27:03.280 you're actually really pretty.

00:27:03.420 When I look at your face all the time online, you look like shit.

00:27:06.340 But right now, girl, you're killing it.

00:27:08.060 The way they say it in such a like, oh my God.

00:27:11.280 Okay.

00:27:12.020 Oh my God.

00:27:12.300 You're like work period, hunty girl.

00:27:14.400 Hop off.

00:27:15.000 It's like this house down.

00:27:16.340 Yeah.

00:27:17.420 One time I was at Disneyland with my boyfriend and this girl is standing behind me.

00:27:22.040 I'm in line to get a churro.

00:27:23.360 Sure.

00:27:24.120 Naturally.

00:27:24.460 I'm doing me.

00:27:25.540 Right.

00:27:25.660 You know what I mean?

00:27:26.440 As you do.

00:27:27.220 A feeling, sentiment, you know.

00:27:28.620 Yeah.

00:27:28.940 I'm standing there doing my business.

00:27:32.280 This girl, these two girls come behind me.

00:27:34.260 They're like besties.

00:27:35.620 And they're like, you could tell they're like working up to like say something to me.

00:27:40.180 So then they finally are like, oh my God, I'm such a big fan.

00:27:42.920 We both are.

00:27:43.620 I'm like, thank you so much.

00:27:44.460 It's really nice to meet you.

00:27:45.820 And then one of the girls goes, yeah, I was just telling her, you look like so much better

00:27:50.840 in person.

00:27:51.420 Like way better.

00:27:52.620 What is that?

00:27:53.460 Why is that a trend?

00:27:55.420 What's the pattern?

00:27:55.880 She's like, you're so pretty in person.

00:27:58.840 And I didn't.

00:27:59.280 How did you respond?

00:28:00.160 Yeah.

00:28:00.420 I didn't.

00:28:01.220 I was just like, thanks.

00:28:04.060 Right?

00:28:04.320 Like, what do you say?

00:28:05.160 No.

00:28:05.580 And then her friend, like mid-sense to her friend goes, that was so rude.

00:28:10.500 Okay.

00:28:11.180 To her friend.

00:28:11.840 And she goes, sorry about that.

00:28:13.360 Anyways.

00:28:14.140 And it's awkward.

00:28:15.280 Like it's palpably awkward.

00:28:16.800 And so I'm just like, have a good one.

00:28:19.640 Yeah.

00:28:20.560 Get your churro.

00:28:22.480 So we're just standing there.

00:28:24.320 And then her friend goes, oh my God, no, I didn't mean it like that.

00:28:26.800 I didn't.

00:28:27.120 That's not what I meant.

00:28:28.140 And then she starts the apology tour.

00:28:29.500 And I'm like, no, it's okay.

00:28:30.640 I didn't.

00:28:31.640 It's all right.

00:28:32.000 Just move on, girl.

00:28:32.600 It's fine.

00:28:33.140 It's been said.

00:28:33.680 I can't tell you how badly I want this conversation to end.

00:28:36.020 Yeah.

00:28:36.160 It's okay.

00:28:37.200 It's all right, girl.

00:28:38.240 You could.

00:28:38.760 It's okay.

00:28:39.480 Have a good one.

00:28:40.120 You could have called me a literal pig slut.

00:28:43.000 And I would have been like, you know what?

00:28:44.600 Work, bitch.

00:28:45.480 And we love honesty.

00:28:47.360 And then I had to turn around and wait in line for my churro with them behind me for the

00:28:50.920 next 10 minutes.

00:28:51.700 No.

00:28:52.520 You should have.

00:28:53.000 And I thought to myself, I'm a good person.

00:28:54.580 Why would I do?

00:28:55.060 Why would the universe subject me to that?

00:28:57.280 You should have like, you should have been like, hey, the people behind me, like they

00:28:59.940 decided they didn't want their churro.

00:29:01.220 Like you should have canceled their orders.

00:29:03.260 They said it's on them.

00:29:04.400 They said, they said they'll get, they'll spot this one.

00:29:07.520 I do get like, well, I know that like a lot of the videos I make, like that's part of

00:29:11.560 the joke is the phone's down here.

00:29:13.340 Terrible angle.

00:29:14.060 Like it's all part of the bit.

00:29:16.380 And then once in a while I'll post a video and I'll like have my makeup done or something.

00:29:19.500 And they're like, you're actually really pretty.

00:29:21.820 Okay.

00:29:22.620 I thought you were so fugly.

00:29:24.020 And now that you did a little something, do you look good, girl?

00:29:27.380 Okay.

00:29:27.960 Okay.

00:29:28.520 Glad that we need like seven layers of Norris creamy concealer before we can get that

00:29:33.620 coming.

00:29:33.860 I think stuff like that is, the backhanded stuff is far worse to me than like some like

00:29:41.600 five, six dude being like fatty.

00:29:45.080 Okay, John.

00:29:46.240 Yeah.

00:29:46.720 Thank you.

00:29:47.580 And I'm like, how big's your mom though?

00:29:49.920 Just kidding.

00:29:51.000 Okay.

00:29:51.200 Let's see.

00:29:52.080 Comments on this.

00:29:53.440 Okay.

00:29:53.600 This first one says, did you not have anything else to do growing up?

00:29:57.940 How are you going to dwell on the word chubby?

00:30:01.960 Dude, who wants to be called chubby?

00:30:03.680 I don't know.

00:30:04.380 It's not loving.

00:30:05.380 Who gets called chubby and says, thank you.

00:30:07.240 Oh my God, thanks.

00:30:08.860 That's an insult.

00:30:10.940 Yeah.

00:30:11.160 No matter.

00:30:11.680 Well, and even then, like it's, it's never said in a way that's meant to be like loving.

00:30:16.620 It's always meant to be critical.

00:30:18.520 Chubby?

00:30:19.620 Yeah.

00:30:20.520 Chubby?

00:30:21.580 Like who's being like, you look so chubby.

00:30:23.540 Yeah.

00:30:24.260 Yeah.

00:30:24.620 It's always meant to be critical.

00:30:26.300 And that's why I always talk about removing the meaning of like the weight that words hold.

00:30:31.980 So like fat is not an insult to me.

00:30:33.800 If you take the, the implication of it out and you take the like bigotry of it out, the

00:30:39.300 white supremacy of it out, it means nothing.

00:30:40.800 It's just a word.

00:30:41.780 You know what I mean?

00:30:42.440 We're the ones who give it meaning.

00:30:44.280 Yeah.

00:30:44.720 Very easier said than done though.

00:30:46.320 Oh yeah, absolutely.

00:30:47.360 Like I, it's a whole process.

00:30:48.660 I still don't want to be called chubby.

00:30:49.800 Yeah.

00:30:50.040 Well, that's what I'm saying.

00:30:50.800 It's such a process to unlearn.

00:30:52.460 Like your internalized fat phobia is, is so deeply ingrained in every single one of

00:30:56.420 us because that's just how we were raised in this world.

00:30:58.880 But that's why it's like that, that word is never said in a way that's like, how cute

00:31:04.080 unless you're talking about like a dog or a baby or like, oh, they have chubby cheeks.

00:31:07.840 Look at that fat dog.

00:31:09.200 Like I don't want to, I still don't want to.

00:31:09.960 Look at your dog.

00:31:10.580 Your dog is so fat.

00:31:11.220 Your baby's so fat.

00:31:12.540 Well, and I think too, people who are super like, who cares?

00:31:16.100 Who cares about words like that?

00:31:17.220 Uh, if you describe like things that they love that are not themselves, like, like their

00:31:21.840 dogs, for example, if you were to say that about their dog, they'd get really offended.

00:31:24.540 Yeah.

00:31:24.900 But for some reason you think it's not offensive or it couldn't be hurtful to someone if it's

00:31:29.080 a person.

00:31:29.880 I've just, I just, the word, like the word chubby has absolutely no positive connotations.

00:31:34.880 Obviously.

00:31:35.200 In the way it's used, never, literally ever.

00:31:38.220 That's why I'm saying like, it's, it's easy to dwell on, especially when you're like in

00:31:42.780 your formative years, like when you're growing up.

00:31:44.680 Oh my God.

00:31:45.160 Yeah.

00:31:45.480 Developing a relationship with your own body.

00:31:47.760 Yeah.

00:31:48.240 Yeah.

00:31:48.400 Negative, any sort of negative connotation.

00:31:50.140 You ever been called hefty?

00:31:52.080 Hefty.

00:31:52.360 I've been called hefty.

00:31:53.920 I've been called a heifer, which I guess is like same vein.

00:31:58.420 Yeah.

00:31:58.600 No, that's very, that's of the same nature.

00:32:00.200 Yeah, I make these videos where I show like their hate comments and then I show what they

00:32:05.720 look like and I just don't say anything.

00:32:07.900 You don't need to.

00:32:08.740 No, I just like stitch them all together.

00:32:10.100 No, that's my favorite that you do.

00:32:10.720 And I put like a silly song behind it and one of the guys I included.

00:32:15.540 They got like a neck beard?

00:32:16.760 Oh yeah.

00:32:17.320 He wasn't the neck beard, but he did have a shit beard.

00:32:19.420 It was patchy as hell, but that's going to follow, you know, typically follows the hairline.

00:32:24.140 But anyways, he tagged me on Instagram.

00:32:26.920 Like he put my TikTok in his Instagram story.

00:32:28.880 He tagged me and he said, this heifer didn't like what I posted.

00:32:33.920 And then I went to repost it and then it disappeared.

00:32:36.940 I'm all, this bitch blocked me.

00:32:38.500 Like almost immediately.

00:32:39.440 He's like, oh, I tagged the real her.

00:32:41.060 I'm going to.

00:32:41.860 Oh my God.

00:32:42.980 The reason he knows the word heifer is because he lives on a farm.

00:32:46.300 And he spelled it wrong.

00:32:47.480 So he spelled it like you hefner.

00:32:50.300 You know, maybe, oh, maybe it was, maybe it was positive.

00:32:52.560 Maybe.

00:32:53.020 Maybe that's what he meant.

00:32:54.380 Because you're a, because you're a boss.

00:32:55.880 I'm a playboy.

00:32:57.560 Hef.

00:32:58.920 Youhef.

00:33:00.480 A playboy.

00:33:01.240 Okay.

00:33:01.560 This next comment says women.

00:33:04.160 And then it has this emoji where it's like hitting his own.

00:33:07.160 Women.

00:33:07.820 Women.

00:33:08.480 Women.

00:33:09.100 My wife.

00:33:10.380 I think I'll keep her.

00:33:12.720 She's all right, I guess.

00:33:14.080 She's a bitch sometimes.

00:33:15.980 And it says, bro.

00:33:17.120 It's like a two part comment.

00:33:18.400 It's the same person.

00:33:19.020 It says, bro, this generation is every day worst.

00:33:22.700 One, she's probably lying.

00:33:24.720 And two, it ain't no one's fault if you care about what they say.

00:33:29.540 That's on you.

00:33:30.660 The ****.

00:33:31.920 Okay.

00:33:32.240 See, this is so.

00:33:32.820 That hurt my eyes to read.

00:33:33.800 Yeah, that was a lot.

00:33:34.660 Yeah.

00:33:34.840 This is so interesting because the people who are like, this generation's so soft.

00:33:39.340 They're the ones who are like, a drag brunch.

00:33:43.700 Get me out.

00:33:44.980 Where did this world go wrong?

00:33:47.500 What about the kids?

00:33:47.920 What about the kids?

00:33:48.460 Grooming.

00:33:49.100 Get.

00:33:49.500 Grow up.

00:33:50.140 That's why I said, what about the kids but don't care about gun control?

00:33:53.920 How does that work?

00:33:57.420 Yeah.

00:33:58.000 They're like, this generation's so sensitive.

00:34:00.020 They're also the same dudes who, like, I literally made a TikTok.

00:34:03.460 This TikTok will not stay up on TikTok no matter how hard I try.

00:34:06.360 I have re-uploaded it seven times.

00:34:08.440 It literally will take it down every time.

00:34:10.900 But it's literally this guy making fun of fat women.

00:34:13.600 Sure.

00:34:14.440 Obviously.

00:34:15.520 But he's built like five old Mauskiewicz.

00:34:18.640 And so I literally just put a picture of the Tale of Despero.

00:34:21.880 Remember that movie?

00:34:22.780 Yeah.

00:34:23.220 A little mouse with the huge ears.

00:34:24.360 A little animated guy.

00:34:24.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:34:25.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:25.940 And I'm just laughing.

00:34:27.600 I didn't say anything.

00:34:28.760 Not one word.

00:34:29.580 Just laughed.

00:34:30.200 And I was just in front of the screen.

00:34:31.760 They will not keep it up.

00:34:33.300 The way that so many men were like, how could you possibly do this to him?

00:34:39.000 Is that not what he literally suggested?

00:34:41.220 Yeah.

00:34:42.140 Women are so soft.

00:34:43.500 But, like, I tell you, you look like a little mouse that fights crime.

00:34:46.720 And then all of a sudden, I'm the worst.

00:34:48.120 I tell you, you're built like an anvil.

00:34:49.580 And you get so uptight.

00:34:50.820 And I'm the worst person in the world.

00:34:52.160 Like, I say your body frame's equivalent to Baymax.

00:34:54.640 And suddenly, I'm a bad guy.

00:34:56.520 Okay.

00:34:57.600 Like, they're so awful towards me.

00:34:59.440 It's so hypocritical.

00:35:00.500 So racist towards me.

00:35:01.720 So fatphobic towards me constantly.

00:35:04.400 And then I literally just put a picture of them.

00:35:06.380 And I put a SpongeBob silly song in the back.

00:35:08.260 And they're like, how could you do this to him?

00:35:10.220 What if he's insecure about that?

00:35:11.800 This is his profile picture.

00:35:13.980 He posted this willingly.

00:35:16.160 Yeah.

00:35:16.180 They're like, what?

00:35:17.080 So you're, some guy was like, so you're just, are you making fun of their looks?

00:35:20.620 Are you making fun of their build?

00:35:21.780 And then I wrote both.

00:35:23.020 And, and, and more.

00:35:26.560 Both.

00:35:28.160 Thank you for asking.

00:35:30.020 Oh my God.

00:35:30.600 I'm so glad you asked to clarify both.

00:35:32.600 Both and all of the above.

00:35:33.780 I just think it's interesting to comment on other people's looks when you're ugly.

00:35:38.820 Sure.

00:35:39.040 I can't relate to that.

00:35:39.700 And that's, and that's, and that's, um, John 4, 7, 12.

00:35:45.260 Believe that.

00:35:46.260 Ephesians 9, 12.

00:35:47.340 Well, they're so, they're so butthurt that you called them ugly, but did they, are you

00:35:51.060 not duetting them because they commented on you?

00:35:53.160 Yeah.

00:35:53.540 They write some of the most terrible things.

00:35:55.400 Like, like this comment is terrible to write on someone's video.

00:35:57.720 And I bet you if I found a picture of him and I posted it and I said, it's funny because

00:36:01.960 you're ugly.

00:36:02.480 Sometimes I just write that.

00:36:03.600 It's funny because you're ugly.

00:36:05.220 And then they're like, how could you do this to me?

00:36:08.080 How could you do this to me?

00:36:09.200 Yeah, they're like, you're so mean.

00:36:11.220 You're so mean.

00:36:12.000 Yep.

00:36:13.620 Anything else?

00:36:14.500 Any other questions?

00:36:15.300 Thanks for tuning in.

00:36:16.040 Thanks, guys.

00:36:16.740 See you next week.

00:36:18.760 Are you new?

00:36:19.660 I think, yeah.

00:36:20.420 Are you new to the content?

00:36:21.280 I just think that, like, I'll be damned if someone calls me ugly and they're ugly.

00:36:26.660 You know what I mean?

00:36:27.660 Like, well, I guess we're looking in a mirror, babe.

00:36:30.580 I guess we're both at the bottom of the food pyramid, if you think about it.

00:36:34.400 Oh my God, that's so funny.

00:36:35.920 If you think about it, we're kind of in the same boat.

00:36:38.640 No, you think you would relate to me a little bit more than we're both ugly?

00:36:42.240 We should be friends.

00:36:42.860 We should join a support group.

00:36:44.100 We should start our own acapella group.

00:36:46.320 Oh, an ugly men acapella group.

00:36:49.600 Yeah.

00:36:50.200 They're singing, total makeup.

00:36:53.300 We do Christmas carols this time of year.

00:36:55.180 Okay, let's move on to this next video.

00:36:57.740 So, a woman's telling a story in two parts about her going over to a guy's house and he

00:37:03.440 kept asking her if she needed to use the bathroom.

00:37:06.140 She kept saying no until finally she was leaving and used his bathroom to find there was a giant

00:37:10.920 box of condoms in plain view that he had been waiting for her to walk in and see.

00:37:16.500 Okay.

00:37:18.780 This is a lot.

00:37:19.560 This is a cycle analysis needs to take place.

00:37:22.240 Talk about a hat on a hat.

00:37:25.420 Like, you're really just, okay.

00:37:27.660 I imagine it's like you're like beauty guru.

00:37:30.600 He's like, oh.

00:37:32.000 Today we'll be using.

00:37:32.960 What's this?

00:37:34.460 Trojan?

00:37:34.820 He's like, wait, he's like, hey.

00:37:38.480 I imagine he's going like, you gotta use the bathroom?

00:37:41.280 Well, we drank a lot of water at dinner, didn't we?

00:37:43.640 You gotta use the bathroom or there might be something in there.

00:37:46.980 I don't know.

00:37:47.440 Oh, my God.

00:37:48.060 Did I leave those out?

00:37:49.640 Did I leave those out again?

00:37:50.880 Tony Award winning performance.

00:37:52.700 Oh, my God.

00:37:53.460 Oh, my God.

00:37:54.680 That's so funny.

00:37:56.600 That's so crazy.

00:37:57.660 Oh, my God.

00:37:58.220 Oh, my God.

00:37:58.740 Who left those out?

00:37:59.660 Oh, those aren't mine.

00:38:01.060 Magnums.

00:38:01.820 Sorry, I'm so embarrassed.

00:38:02.880 For my Magnum dong.

00:38:04.820 Oh, my God.

00:38:07.380 I'm so sorry.

00:38:08.840 So sorry.

00:38:09.560 Oh, my God.

00:38:10.080 They're the XL.

00:38:10.860 It's just so big and it hurts when I put on the small ones.

00:38:15.200 Let me let you in on a little trade secret.

00:38:17.840 The normal size will fit 98.9% of them.

00:38:22.460 And if it doesn't fit you, see a doctor.

00:38:25.440 I promise you right now, the regular tinies will fit most people.

00:38:30.460 Have you ever seen those people who put it on their foot and put it up like a literal thigh-high boot?

00:38:34.820 Remember back in the OG YouTube days, the challenge where they'd fill it with water?

00:38:39.800 Yeah.

00:38:40.180 And you put it over your head?

00:38:41.880 Do you know what I'm talking about?

00:38:42.980 I think so.

00:38:43.640 You fill it with water in the bathtub and it's like the size of a yoga ball.

00:38:48.420 It gets huge.

00:38:49.340 And then you drop it on your head and the person is like in case like a sausage link.

00:38:54.120 I swear to God, look this up later.

00:38:56.000 Because that's a thing.

00:38:56.760 And it was like 2013 YouTube that was gripping like the nation.

00:39:01.280 Like the cinnamon challenge?

00:39:02.680 Yes.

00:39:03.080 Yeah.

00:39:03.380 But it was the condom challenge.

00:39:04.740 The bathtub condom challenge.

00:39:06.140 Look it up.

00:39:07.000 I'm going to.

00:39:07.740 So if that can fit a whole.

00:39:09.300 If you could like carry a jug of water home, but it's a condom.

00:39:13.500 It's like a giant.

00:39:14.120 It'll fit your Magnum doll.

00:39:16.120 That's what I'm saying.

00:39:17.360 If someone can fit it over their dome, their noggin, it'll fit over your little pipsqueak.

00:39:22.740 Chances are it'll fit over your chode.

00:39:24.540 Like I promise you.

00:39:25.460 When they're like, it's too small.

00:39:27.600 No, it's not.

00:39:28.680 No, it's not.

00:39:29.320 Too wide.

00:39:30.040 You know, I know it's not because if it is, they don't say things like that.

00:39:34.060 I can promise you that.

00:39:35.460 You know why I know it's not?

00:39:36.260 It's because you drive the painted like decked out pickup truck back there.

00:39:41.020 I know it's this big.

00:39:41.860 That Toyota Tacoma.

00:39:42.920 That Toyota Tacoma.

00:39:43.360 All those bumper stickers.

00:39:45.600 I know.

00:39:46.420 I know it is the size of my thumb.

00:39:49.300 And I don't need to entertain anything further.

00:39:52.400 That's why I'm like, I just think I'm going, go in there.

00:39:57.220 Are you sure?

00:39:57.820 Oh, what's in there?

00:39:59.880 Oh my God.

00:40:00.640 Surprise.

00:40:01.540 It's like an Easter basket.

00:40:02.700 He's got like all these cabinets in the bathroom.

00:40:05.220 They're all empty.

00:40:05.840 He has them on the counter.

00:40:07.000 They're all open.

00:40:07.800 For you to see.

00:40:08.420 Looks like it just got ransacked.

00:40:09.820 But there's only one giant box of condoms in there.

00:40:12.960 And it's full.

00:40:14.360 So he ain't even used them.

00:40:15.760 It's not even cracked yet.

00:40:16.860 Like a tampon.

00:40:17.540 Do you think it's like a tampon box where they like open it so it's like easy access?

00:40:20.960 You just slide it back.

00:40:21.320 Oh, and it's like a little, like a baby wipe.

00:40:23.080 Yeah.

00:40:23.260 I've never, I've never bought a giant box of condoms.

00:40:26.320 So I don't know.

00:40:27.020 I can't say that I have either.

00:40:27.880 A baby wipe would be crazy.

00:40:29.580 Like a dispenser?

00:40:30.420 Like a makeup wipe.

00:40:31.820 You just pull it up.

00:40:32.840 Yeah.

00:40:33.300 Or like in the bathroom in the mall.

00:40:36.540 You like turn the thing.

00:40:37.580 Like a Sephora, those tissue boxes they have on the side.

00:40:41.040 Oh my God.

00:40:41.960 Genius.

00:40:42.340 Someone make it up to you.

00:40:43.080 Yeah.

00:40:43.300 That's a shark tank.

00:40:45.080 If you're out there.

00:40:45.880 Shark tank.

00:40:46.460 If you're watching.

00:40:47.200 If you're watching.

00:40:47.980 Let us.

00:40:48.440 Hit me and Julia up.

00:40:49.540 Okay.

00:40:49.660 We have, we have an idea that's going to blow you away.

00:40:53.280 This is, this one's going to sell.

00:40:56.560 Okay.

00:40:56.980 Let's look at the comments on this.

00:40:58.260 This first one says, instead of repeating the same sentence, why not say what happened?

00:41:04.260 You're just looking for views.

00:41:05.980 You could fit all of this in one part, but you didn't shut up.

00:41:10.240 That's kind of funny.

00:41:11.980 Okay.

00:41:12.680 We were going to go a different track.

00:41:14.000 I'm just kidding.

00:41:14.760 It's not funny.

00:41:15.400 That's something I get.

00:41:16.880 Yeah.

00:41:17.040 They'll be like, this, this could have been 30 seconds.

00:41:19.880 Okay.

00:41:20.560 This isn't a narrative.

00:41:21.920 I'm telling a joke.

00:41:23.100 This is comedy.

00:41:24.380 Laugh.

00:41:24.960 Like, I'm not telling you a tale.

00:41:26.800 We can laugh.

00:41:27.060 It's all right.

00:41:27.680 We can laugh.

00:41:28.280 We can take a minute for the joke.

00:41:29.740 I also think too, that like people who are not funny, like tend to tell you like get

00:41:34.280 to the point.

00:41:34.960 Yeah.

00:41:35.460 But you need the context to get to the point.

00:41:38.780 Well, and you got to build up, you know what I'm saying?

00:41:41.340 You got to build the suspense.

00:41:42.360 You got to set characters, there's background characters, a scene.

00:41:45.900 Yeah.

00:41:46.140 And I, I like to use colorful vocabulary.

00:41:49.040 Same.

00:41:49.580 So it takes me a hot second to get to my point.

00:41:52.440 Sit there.

00:41:53.220 Where do you got to go?

00:41:54.380 Where are you going?

00:41:55.260 You're not busy.

00:41:56.040 You have all the time in the world.

00:41:57.260 These are the same dudes that laugh at like, you know, when they get hit in the nuts.

00:42:01.440 They're like, oh.

00:42:03.040 Yeah.

00:42:03.400 They laugh at shit like that.

00:42:04.840 So I'm not, you know, highbrow value entertainment is not really in their wheelhouse.

00:42:10.240 So they don't really know how to digest it.

00:42:12.440 And like, I, it's literally watch any single of me or your videos.

00:42:17.480 Like, it's very clear that the, the, the plot, the, the, the motif of the story is not

00:42:24.020 the goal.

00:42:24.560 We're telling a joke.

00:42:25.800 Like we're telling a story for you to chuckle at.

00:42:28.720 Literally.

00:42:28.840 It's not, like, I'm not here to be like, uh, one time I went to a, uh, a party and it was,

00:42:33.620 it was, I threw up.

00:42:35.020 Yeah.

00:42:35.260 No, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to say, there I was like, like, that's the joke.

00:42:40.340 Well, he was also saying like, you're repeating the same sentence.

00:42:44.660 You're just looking for views, blah, blah, blah.

00:42:46.560 I think there's like, when you're telling the story, it's like, like you said, it's not

00:42:52.060 what happened.

00:42:52.880 It's like, it's all of it encompassed together, but I'm not going for accuracy.

00:42:57.440 Like sometimes men are like, you're exaggerating.

00:43:00.000 That's why they're like, you made this up, blah, blah, blah.

00:43:01.940 Uh, they say you exaggerate or you make shit up.

00:43:05.000 Even so.

00:43:05.880 Yeah, I do.

00:43:06.660 That's the point.

00:43:07.200 But it makes it funnier.

00:43:08.220 That's the, that's the point.

00:43:10.140 You know what I mean?

00:43:10.460 That's the whole point.

00:43:10.880 And then like, I'll be like, I was sprinting to the bathroom and they're like, were you

00:43:15.140 really sprinting?

00:43:16.740 I know.

00:43:17.640 What do you mean?

00:43:18.700 What do you think?

00:43:19.940 Use your brain.

00:43:20.940 I bet you weren't even sprinting though.

00:43:23.220 Okay.

00:43:24.260 You got me.

00:43:25.120 Sorry.

00:43:25.680 I was, I was trotting.

00:43:27.080 Like, what do you want?

00:43:28.460 Like, it's not, it's not like the facts that matter.

00:43:32.860 I know.

00:43:33.140 It's to get a laugh.

00:43:34.060 I exaggerate.

00:43:35.180 Like, that's the point.

00:43:36.420 Oh, I exaggerate all the time.

00:43:38.060 And sometimes, sometimes my boyfriend, like to this day, like I'll tell him the most elaborate,

00:43:43.660 crazy story.

00:43:45.020 And then he'll, like, I'll tell him like, and then I said this and then this happened,

00:43:48.500 blah, blah, blah.

00:43:49.180 And sometimes he'll go, did you actually say that though?

00:43:51.700 Because he knows that I just be lying.

00:43:54.040 And, but like, not about what I, what happened.

00:43:56.360 It's just like there, it's for the bit.

00:43:57.760 I'm committing to the bit.

00:43:58.940 For sure.

00:43:59.140 And sometimes I go, yeah, I did.

00:44:00.580 And even though I didn't.

00:44:01.680 Just because I just, you know, I'm committing to the bit even further.

00:44:04.640 I, um.

00:44:05.560 I call it method acting.

00:44:06.680 Yeah.

00:44:07.100 No.

00:44:07.960 Yeah.

00:44:08.440 When I'm playing a part.

00:44:09.600 When I was, um, in like high school, I was a camp counselor for two weeks.

00:44:13.500 Hated it.

00:44:14.020 I would lie to those kids every goddamn day.

00:44:16.480 I would be like, I, they'd be like, I'd be like, see those markers?

00:44:19.400 I invented them.

00:44:20.180 Like, I just absolutely.

00:44:21.380 I love to lie to kids.

00:44:22.260 I love lying to children.

00:44:23.460 So funny.

00:44:23.700 Like, absolute, ridiculous things.

00:44:27.140 I'd be like, I'd be like, I wrote that book.

00:44:28.900 It's like, and they'd be like, you did?

00:44:30.860 And I'd be like, yeah.

00:44:32.160 Don't tell anyone.

00:44:33.300 And they're like, shut up.

00:44:35.120 How old are you?

00:44:35.760 I'd be like, I'm 30.

00:44:37.380 Like, just lying.

00:44:38.560 I loved it.

00:44:39.240 Dude, I love that too.

00:44:40.820 Sometimes.

00:44:41.520 Sometimes you gotta lie.

00:44:42.880 Sometimes you gotta lie.

00:44:43.980 And honestly, kids are mean.

00:44:47.080 Kids are so brutally honest.

00:44:48.600 They gotta be bullied.

00:44:49.540 Yeah.

00:44:50.320 Kids are so brutally honest and rude.

00:44:51.520 Don't quote me on that.

00:44:52.520 Kids are so fucking mean.

00:44:55.280 And if I lie to them.

00:44:56.340 That bright kid needs to be humbled a little bit.

00:44:57.600 Yeah.

00:44:58.080 If I lie to them, so be it.

00:44:59.680 And the ones that weren't humbled are the ones that I have to humble now.

00:45:03.040 Get to the point.

00:45:03.780 At my grown age.

00:45:04.820 You're repeating yourself.

00:45:05.780 Exactly.

00:45:06.400 They're the same dudes who write hate, honestly.

00:45:09.000 Okay.

00:45:09.240 It's because you weren't bullied as a kid and it shows.

00:45:11.100 Not enough.

00:45:11.580 It's time for you to get bullied.

00:45:12.280 It's okay.

00:45:12.740 I'm here to make up for lost time.

00:45:14.100 No worries.

00:45:14.380 I'll bully the f*** at you.

00:45:15.300 And I'll make sure you get what you needed back when you were 12.

00:45:18.900 Yeah.

00:45:20.060 Okay.

00:45:20.480 This next one says.

00:45:21.560 I want you to steal someone's lunch money.

00:45:23.700 A grown man's lunch money.

00:45:25.440 I'll run it.

00:45:26.020 Honestly, I'll run those pockets, babe.

00:45:28.100 Okay.

00:45:28.380 This next comment says, on today's episode of shit that never happened.

00:45:32.820 And I've had that, too, on some of my stuff.

00:45:38.120 That they just, like, assume you're making the whole thing up.

00:45:40.500 Yeah.

00:45:40.820 That's the thing.

00:45:41.420 Like, men don't believe women.

00:45:44.740 Yeah.

00:45:45.340 Hello?

00:45:45.800 In more ways than one.

00:45:46.520 Let's take a step backwards and think about where that came from.

00:45:49.360 Like, are we for real?

00:45:50.580 On today's episode of things that never happened, to that I'm always like, you could just say

00:45:55.140 you laughed.

00:45:56.060 That's okay.

00:45:56.940 You can admit it.

00:45:57.540 It would be okay.

00:45:58.340 It's all right.

00:45:59.040 Like, it's a safe space here.

00:46:00.360 Not for you.

00:46:00.780 But, like, if you want to open up and be like, hey, I chuckled a little bit.

00:46:04.480 That's all right.

00:46:05.660 We're here for you.

00:46:06.340 It's okay.

00:46:07.080 You know what?

00:46:08.040 We're two funny bitches.

00:46:09.780 It's not uncommon for us to be laughed at.

00:46:12.100 Right.

00:46:12.680 Or, like, well, laughed with.

00:46:14.200 Laughed with, I would say.

00:46:16.440 Like, no.

00:46:17.540 Yeah, like, sometimes I talk about, like, certain stories that I tell, and I know they hit every

00:46:23.820 single time.

00:46:24.620 Right.

00:46:25.300 Like, you read the room, and you're like, I'm the funniest person in here, for sure.

00:46:28.940 You know what I mean?

00:46:29.800 And you're like.

00:46:30.260 I feel like that every day.

00:46:32.720 Oh, the load is so heavy to carry.

00:46:34.380 It's, my back hurts so bad.

00:46:36.080 It aches from carrying this team on it.

00:46:38.440 You know what I mean?

00:46:39.740 This next comment, this last comment says, a story has a beginning, middle, and an end

00:46:45.060 with a purpose.

00:46:46.640 Please do not repeat it to anyone else.

00:46:48.420 How did you figure that there's a story to be told?

00:46:51.740 Okay, Shakespeare.

00:46:53.540 Sorry.

00:46:53.860 Sorry that I didn't follow your outline that you had for me.

00:46:58.580 Okay, Judy Blume.

00:47:00.240 Jesus Christ.

00:47:02.160 Ramona and Beezus, right?

00:47:03.520 Yeah, headass.

00:47:04.860 You know what's funny?

00:47:05.640 One time I got, like, I did a stupid video.

00:47:10.100 Like, I was making fun of someone.

00:47:11.520 And someone commented on my video.

00:47:13.660 I believe it was a girl.

00:47:15.120 It was like a pygmy.

00:47:16.480 And she was like, you know what?

00:47:18.400 She wrote me this f***ing dissertation.

00:47:20.500 You know what?

00:47:21.060 Like, it's clear that, you know, we all have hurt within us.

00:47:25.520 And it's on us to unearth it.

00:47:28.220 And she, like, wrote this whole, spin me a f***ing yarn, bitch.

00:47:32.060 Talk about get to the point.

00:47:33.560 She wrote me that whole thing.

00:47:34.660 And I was like, okay, rupee car.

00:47:37.140 Girl, milk and honey.

00:47:38.560 Milk and honey, bitch.

00:47:39.800 Like, I don't care.

00:47:40.880 Girl, it's a joke.

00:47:41.940 Like, let's laugh.

00:47:42.820 We can laugh.

00:47:43.440 It's fine.

00:47:43.780 In that comment, like, tell me why that was four sentences.

00:47:47.140 Like, for real?

00:47:47.860 Are we kidding?

00:47:48.760 Tell me why that was an independent clause.

00:47:51.040 My AP literature teacher?

00:47:52.560 Yeah.

00:47:53.340 Why can't I just talk?

00:47:55.120 Yeah.

00:47:55.600 Like, it's a joke.

00:47:57.000 It's not an essay.

00:47:58.040 It's not.

00:47:58.480 We don't need MLA format to tell a joke.

00:48:00.700 My sources are not cited.

00:48:02.680 And they never will be because they're made up.

00:48:05.620 Because I am my own source.

00:48:07.480 The source is me.

00:48:08.540 That's why you got to take my word for it, honestly.

00:48:11.000 I've told stories before, like, way before I had, like, any sort of following.

00:48:16.620 Like, I was just making TikToks just for the sake of it.

00:48:20.180 Just for funsies.

00:48:21.380 And I told this story about, like, a famous NFL player that I had, like, met in real life.

00:48:28.180 And he's a very popular player.

00:48:31.000 Like, he's, like, very, to this day, he's huge.

00:48:34.300 I met him when I was in college because of work.

00:48:36.380 I worked in sports journalism.

00:48:37.960 And he, like, followed me on Instagram.

00:48:40.560 He wanted to, like, hang out with me.

00:48:43.200 Oh, my God.

00:48:43.680 We all know what that means.

00:48:44.600 Right.

00:48:45.580 And when I told that story, so many men were like, on today's episode of shit, that never happened.

00:48:51.980 Like, the amount of men that were going to bat for this bitch, like, I made the shit up.

00:48:57.040 Yeah, right?

00:48:58.040 They were like, that would never happen.

00:48:59.800 He would never be with a girl.

00:49:01.940 Did you, like, drop names?

00:49:03.500 Yeah.

00:49:03.960 Okay.

00:49:04.460 Absolutely.

00:49:05.200 And it's so funny because I made a, like, a video late, like, far later than that, talking about, like, I was making fun of this dude saying, like, if I fly you out anywhere or if I, like, pay for you on a date or whatever, he was basically saying, like, I'm owed sex.

00:49:20.820 Bad start.

00:49:21.740 No, no.

00:49:22.620 So he was like, you owe me.

00:49:24.380 Tale as old as time.

00:49:24.900 Yeah, he's like, you owe me, like, otherwise, like, I'm not buying your flight.

00:49:28.640 Like, some bullshit like that.

00:49:29.700 And I literally said, like, that flight, that $200 flight, I'm good.

00:49:37.040 You know what I mean?

00:49:37.920 Like, we're good.

00:49:39.340 Like, you're not worth that.

00:49:40.480 Like, I promise you, you're not nearly as high value as you think you are.

00:49:43.920 Right.

00:49:44.420 Because so many women are, like, constantly, like, the amount of, like, athletes and, like, famous men that, like, hit up normal, like, women who are not.

00:49:53.740 You're not like other girls.

00:49:54.920 The hadiths.

00:49:55.560 You know what I'm saying?

00:49:56.180 They're not, like, a huge, huge A-list celebrity.

00:49:59.140 They just meet them.

00:50:00.320 I promise you, if they have a dick and you're in the same room, they're going to be down.

00:50:05.100 I promise you.

00:50:05.800 Like, a girl once asked me, how do I get a famous athlete?

00:50:07.880 Be in the room.

00:50:08.940 That's how you get him, bitch.

00:50:09.960 Like, I swear to God, be in the room, make eye contact.

00:50:11.940 I promise you, you're in.

00:50:13.060 Yeah, you do.

00:50:13.660 You're in there, bitch.

00:50:14.320 We do not need a plane ticket.

00:50:15.240 Yeah, and I told, when I told that story, they were like, that's never, you've never had an athlete ever hit you up, you fuckly bitch, blah, blah, blah.

00:50:21.260 Like, I got so many things like that.

00:50:22.780 And then I literally showed receipts of them DMing me.

00:50:25.600 They love, they love, like, pics or it didn't happen.

00:50:28.300 Yeah, and I have them.

00:50:29.540 And I'll show them to you, but you can suck my dick regardless.

00:50:31.920 Yeah, then I'm like the condoms.

00:50:33.340 Oh.

00:50:33.480 But they always are like, that never happened.

00:50:38.640 Just because it didn't happen to you, and it never would happen to you, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

00:50:42.480 Or just like, just shut up.

00:50:46.240 Nothing more to say.

00:50:47.920 Just, men are so easy.

00:50:50.020 It's, it's not, it's not that hard.

00:50:52.460 I promise you, it's not hard to like, get men to want to have sex with you.

00:50:56.180 That's not hard.

00:50:56.860 Not even a little bit.

00:50:58.000 Oh, that was like, that's kind of nice.

00:51:00.100 It's true.

00:51:00.880 It's true, bitch.

00:51:01.800 It's true.

00:51:02.260 I'm boosting myself a little bit.

00:51:03.740 I promise you, it's so easy, and that's what I tell everyone, like, keep those standards.

00:51:07.860 Just show up.

00:51:08.380 Keep the standards high, bitch, because everyone is gonna, they're literally gonna throw their dick at you regardless.

00:51:14.840 Sure.

00:51:15.420 So, like, might as well.

00:51:17.260 Like, that's what I'm saying.

00:51:18.060 In that video, I literally was like, you, women could catch a dick anywhere.

00:51:22.680 Right.

00:51:23.620 Anywhere, bitch.

00:51:24.360 Anywhere, someone's willing.

00:51:24.940 I could be driving my car, and my windows rolled down, and I could catch a dick.

00:51:28.220 Someone's like, ah.

00:51:29.020 I could be driving 90 down the freeway, and I'd get a dick thrown at me.

00:51:32.560 I promise you, it's not that hard.

00:51:34.160 Yeah.

00:51:34.620 Because men are feral.

00:51:36.100 So that's what I'm like.

00:51:36.800 Feral beasts.

00:51:37.780 So when you see women like ourselves telling funny stories like that, whether it's throwing up, shitting yourself, or a famous man wanting to hit you up, they're all, just believe them.

00:51:48.680 They're all true.

00:51:49.660 And, well, also, it's like, a picture didn't happen.

00:51:52.000 I just, I just told you that I shit my pants.

00:51:54.480 You think that I would make, I would say this, like, you think I would make up this horrible, embarrassing thing if it didn't happen?

00:52:01.320 Would I take a picture of that?

00:52:02.860 You want me to show you a picture of that?

00:52:03.980 Let me show you a picture of my turd right now.

00:52:05.780 You want me to show you a picture of my shitty shit pants?

00:52:08.180 My poopy pants?

00:52:09.900 Is that what you want?

00:52:11.220 Because I'll whip it out.

00:52:12.280 My little poopy pants?

00:52:13.100 If that's what you want.

00:52:14.720 People are into different things.

00:52:16.120 I don't know.

00:52:17.400 We can't, we can't go there.

00:52:18.560 We can't go to poopy pants right now, please.

00:52:19.820 That's the only reason I could think of if someone wouldn't ask you for proof of you shitting your pants.

00:52:24.720 I, well, sometimes I'll tell, like, a crazy story.

00:52:26.760 Yeah, same.

00:52:27.420 And the comments are like, wait, let's see the texts.

00:52:30.560 Let's see the, no, and I just put, I just said something.

00:52:33.020 I was like, oh, something, this is on my Christmas list.

00:52:35.300 And they were like, post the Christmas list.

00:52:36.900 I don't think it's on there.

00:52:37.840 Like, what am I crying for?

00:52:39.960 Like, who is that?

00:52:40.600 What are you?

00:52:40.940 Okay, FBI.

00:52:41.760 That's why I said, what am I on trial?

00:52:43.400 What, do you want to see my Google Doc of my Christmas list right now?

00:52:45.860 That's weird.

00:52:47.040 Yeah, everything.

00:52:48.560 Girl, go to hell.

00:52:49.840 That's what I say.

00:52:51.260 Go to hell instead.

00:52:52.380 How about that?

00:52:52.540 Hey, that's all you gotta say.

00:52:54.080 And just admit that Julia made you laugh.

00:52:57.120 That'd be a lot easier.

00:52:58.060 It's not that hard.

00:52:58.940 It's a lot faster that way, too, I think.

00:53:01.740 Let's just cut to the chase.

00:53:03.160 All roads lead to Jerusalem at the end.

00:53:05.180 You know what I mean?

00:53:05.680 We all end up in the same center point at the end.

00:53:08.260 Like, it's literally just.

00:53:09.980 But it's true.

00:53:10.740 Every, anytime I get, I don't usually get them, but anytime I get a comment that's like, this

00:53:15.780 is such a lie.

00:53:16.980 It's a man.

00:53:18.600 Always.

00:53:19.920 Especially if I'm talking about something that happened on a dating app, because that's

00:53:23.200 like screenshotable.

00:53:24.100 Yeah.

00:53:24.540 Where's the screenshot?

00:53:25.860 It's like, sorry, I don't want you to see like Devin's profile picture.

00:53:28.920 Like, I don't want his co-workers to see it.

00:53:31.600 Sorry.

00:53:32.540 You know what's funny is, in the same vein, but not really.

00:53:36.080 I have so many screenshots.

00:53:39.100 When I tell you my photo album.

00:53:40.860 You could put some people in jail.

00:53:42.500 Little raccoon trash, babe.

00:53:45.240 Like, I just mean I have screenshots of the ugliest motherfuckers you've ever seen in your

00:53:49.240 life, solely because I want to make fun of them.

00:53:52.120 So if someone saw your camera roll and they didn't know like what your job was or what

00:53:55.300 you do, and they're like.

00:53:56.200 They're looking, they'd be like, they'd think I was like, like, building a collage.

00:54:00.060 You could do, you could really do better than some of these guys.

00:54:02.300 Yeah, but like, girl, what is this?

00:54:04.340 If you look through my camera roll, it's honestly like FBI's most wanted.

00:54:08.660 Like, it's truly like the world's worst lacrosse team is in there.

00:54:12.300 You know what I mean?

00:54:13.320 The roster from the, the, the, hell.

00:54:16.380 No, truly like minor league baseball team.

00:54:19.120 Like, it looks really tragic in there.

00:54:21.940 Yeah.

00:54:22.100 And it's just solely because I screenshot shit for evidence all the time.

00:54:25.580 Right.

00:54:25.680 But sometimes I have it and I just don't feel like going back and looking for it.

00:54:29.340 Like the same thing when you're like, oh, like, post a screenshot.

00:54:32.700 No, but that's like, they should be scared of you.

00:54:35.460 Evidence.

00:54:36.460 I keep it all the time.

00:54:37.340 I could get you fired.

00:54:38.980 And I have.

00:54:40.300 Yeah.

00:54:40.920 I'm sure I have.

00:54:41.940 Gotten someone fired?

00:54:43.020 Yeah.

00:54:43.460 I would love to be if you've gotten someone fired.

00:54:45.520 I, I believe I have only because one time this guy wrote this terrible shit to my boyfriend,

00:54:53.000 not even to me, but it was about me.

00:54:55.040 He sent it to my boyfriend.

00:54:56.560 It was awful.

00:54:58.100 Has he seen your boyfriend?

00:54:59.620 Yeah.

00:55:00.080 You'd be like, he'll kill you.

00:55:01.780 That's on them.

00:55:04.420 You know what I mean?

00:55:05.020 And that's why I said like, he wrote it about me.

00:55:06.820 He didn't write it about him.

00:55:07.760 Not that it matters because my boyfriend gets upset when they write shit about me.

00:55:12.040 Upset in a way that's like, why would you do that?

00:55:14.300 You're ridiculous.

00:55:15.420 But I posted it.

00:55:16.860 I tweeted it.

00:55:17.740 I never blur out names.

00:55:18.900 I never blur out faces because if you're going to be bold behind closed doors, you'll

00:55:23.200 be bold in front of an audience, bitch.

00:55:25.580 And so I posted it and then he DM'd me personally and was like, hey, my friend stole my phone

00:55:33.560 and I'm a teacher.

00:55:35.640 Can you please like remove that?

00:55:37.380 Like my school might see it.

00:55:38.600 I don't give a s**t, bitch.

00:55:39.700 You said it.

00:55:40.620 It's crazy because you wrote that terrible shit and you want me to do you a favor?

00:55:43.860 And maybe you wrote this.

00:55:45.920 Maybe you shouldn't be teaching the youth of tomorrow.

00:55:47.920 Yeah, I was like, well, that's good.

00:55:48.780 I'm relieved.

00:55:49.360 I'm so glad to hear that you're molding the minds of tomorrow.

00:55:52.440 I'm so happy to hear that.

00:55:53.800 They have such a good moral model for a teacher.

00:55:56.040 Yeah, they're going to be just fine.

00:55:57.660 Those kids, they're getting set up for success.

00:56:00.040 I'm so glad that they're being molded and shaped by one of the creators of tomorrow.

00:56:06.680 I used to love, like when I was in high school and younger, I used to love when scandals

00:56:11.940 would come out about the teachers.

00:56:13.860 You know?

00:56:14.720 Don't you love that?

00:56:16.320 I would love, I was like seventh grade and I was like, I heard Mr. Something took this

00:56:20.780 one on a date.

00:56:22.180 Like, I just love it.

00:56:23.740 I love that stuff.

00:56:25.840 So I hope his students saw that.

00:56:27.640 I hope so too.

00:56:28.140 And I hope it was the talk of the hall.

00:56:29.560 And I don't feel bad at all, bitch.

00:56:30.920 Like, don't you feel, no?

00:56:33.880 No, I do not.

00:56:35.240 He said it.

00:56:35.820 Do I feel bad?

00:56:36.560 He's like, they're going to think I said that.

00:56:37.720 You did.

00:56:38.040 Do I feel bad for someone being racist towards me on a public platform?

00:56:41.780 No.

00:56:42.560 No.

00:56:43.120 And you get fired.

00:56:44.140 Oops.

00:56:44.620 If you ask me how I sleep at night, it's in this outfit like this.

00:56:47.960 That's how I sleep at night.

00:56:48.640 In the Christmas tree.

00:56:49.460 In the middle of the living room next to the fireplace.

00:56:50.580 In the middle of the living room because again, I need the attention.

00:56:52.840 With the presents under the tree.

00:56:55.060 And it's just me.

00:56:56.000 It's just you.

00:56:56.760 You're the gift.

00:56:57.340 The gift.

00:56:58.040 The gift.

00:56:58.860 There you go.

00:56:59.560 Okay.

00:57:00.500 To wrap up this episode, right?

00:57:03.160 You're a master of storytelling.

00:57:04.540 You're a master of jokes.

00:57:06.320 What's something you want to tell all the people who maybe want to tell their stories,

00:57:10.320 but they're worried about criticism, whether it's from Terrible Men or other people?

00:57:14.220 Because they just want to be funny and post content and stuff.

00:57:17.880 What?

00:57:18.540 I mean, like, just do it.

00:57:21.320 So I'm very, not very inspirational.

00:57:23.460 Very, very shy LaBeouf.

00:57:24.820 Just throw it.

00:57:25.560 Do it.

00:57:26.240 But I just, I don't know.

00:57:27.600 Just like, I just, I just speak and put it, put it out on the internet.

00:57:34.900 And see what happens.

00:57:35.880 And someone's bound to like it.

00:57:36.900 Yeah.

00:57:37.520 So speak, talk, talk.

00:57:39.520 Yeah.

00:57:39.780 I think it's also like, someone's going to hate what you post regardless.

00:57:44.680 Like, they're always going to have something to say.

00:57:46.080 Someone's always going to have something to say or an opinion about you.

00:57:48.480 Especially if you're, I think especially if you're a girl.

00:57:50.680 Yeah.

00:57:50.920 Because I think women automatically like have the, like the chatterbox, like trope.

00:57:56.520 Like, oh, we can't get her.

00:57:57.600 Just shut up.

00:57:58.560 But like, like, just, just, it's going to, someone's going to say that.

00:58:03.640 If you just know that someone's going to, someone's going to give you a hard time, then

00:58:07.320 it like doesn't, it doesn't mean anything.

00:58:08.720 It frees you.

00:58:09.500 You could do whatever you want at that point.

00:58:10.960 It frees you.

00:58:11.060 And you're like, there it is.

00:58:12.540 Yeah.

00:58:13.320 And take it as a dub.

00:58:14.400 I take it, I live in like almost a state of delusion sometimes.

00:58:18.120 That's the best place to be.

00:58:19.120 I think so.

00:58:20.220 You have to be borderline delusional at some point.

00:58:22.240 Like, to make it through life, especially on the internet, you got to be delusional.

00:58:26.700 To some extent.

00:58:27.400 No, we're, we're, we're, lock us up.

00:58:29.860 Yeah.

00:58:30.900 Look at her.

00:58:31.380 Take me away.

00:58:31.500 She was a hot Cheeto and now she's a tree.

00:58:34.100 Lock her up.

00:58:35.080 Listen, if being hilarious in a Christmas tree is a crime, take me away.

00:58:38.460 Take me away.

00:58:39.820 Take me away.

00:58:40.620 Lock me up.

00:58:41.160 Okay, that's going to do it for this episode of the comment section show.

00:58:46.420 I want to thank my wonderful, amazing guest, Julia, aka More Pesto, please.

00:58:51.560 Thank you.

00:58:52.080 On TikTok for being here.

00:58:52.980 Thank you so much.

00:58:53.740 Yes.

00:58:54.440 Thank you.

00:58:54.880 I'm so happy to have you.

00:58:55.640 I'm so happy to be here.

00:58:56.620 This is a dream come true.

00:58:58.520 Where can everybody find you?

00:58:59.860 You can find me on TikTok at More Pesto, please.

00:59:03.280 Not food related content, just saying, but comedy.

00:59:07.800 And Instagram at Julia Leahy underscore.

00:59:11.120 Love.

00:59:11.740 Okay, make sure y'all go follow Julia.

00:59:13.360 She is so incredibly funny and hilarious.

00:59:16.180 And I know you guys will love her just as much as I do.

00:59:18.620 If y'all want to watch full episodes of the comment section show, they drop every Wednesday

00:59:22.420 on the Past Your Bedtime YouTube channel, so make sure you subscribe.

00:59:25.240 They also are available to stream on all streaming platforms like Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon.

00:59:30.260 You know where to find me, bitch.

00:59:31.340 Anyways, happy holidays.

00:59:32.940 Merry Christmas if you celebrate.

00:59:34.300 And I'll see you next week.

00:59:35.740 Bye.

00:59:40.460 Bye.

00:59:41.460 Bye.

00:59:42.060 Bye.

00:59:42.960 Bye.

00:59:44.700 Bye.

00:59:49.320 Bye.

00:59:50.100 Bye.

00:59:50.620 Bye.

00:59:50.740 Bye.

00:59:51.640 Bye.

00:59:55.880 Bye.

00:59:56.700 Bye.

00:59:57.740 Bye.

00:59:58.620 Bye.

00:59:59.500 Bye.

01:00:00.480 Bye.

01:00:00.820 Bye.

01:00:01.280 Bye.

01:00:01.680 Bye.

01:00:01.740 Bye.

01:00:02.020 Bye.

01:00:02.880 Bye.

01:00:03.520 Bye.

01:00:04.380 Bye.

01:00:05.160 Bye.

01:00:05.480 Bye.

01:00:05.740 Bye.

01:00:06.580 Bye.

01:00:06.720 Bye.

01:00:07.360 Bye.

01:00:07.620 Bye.

01:00:07.860 Bye.

I HOPE MY COMEDY UPSETS YOU ft. Julia Leahy ｜ THE COMMENT SECTION EP 45

Summary

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