NOBODY SWEATS IN THIS INDUSTRY Ft. Matt Bellassai
Summary
In this episode of Comment Section, we are joined by the one and only, the iconic, the legendary, the Matt Bellis Sienna Sienna. We talk about her life in New York City, her mental health struggles, and how she deals with them.
Transcript
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my mom was like we should get generators i'm like period yeah look on instacart and they're
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expensive like generators are expensive so i got two of them like one for my mom and one for my
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house and my dad like texts me and was like hey are these the generators and he sends because my
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parents are connected to my ring cameras too uh-huh he sends me a video of the guy and he has
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it on my driveway and he's rolling it up like a log like he's just picking up one side and then
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pushing it over and it's like he's slowly rolling it up like like slamming it on the ground and my
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boyfriend saw it on the ring and he went open the door and he's like do you need help and the guy's
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like oh yeah yeah yeah no i was just like bringing him up i think he didn't know i was like i was
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watching him destroy the item that i fucking bought
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hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me your favorite
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everybody knows me but nobody knows where we're at so i'm gonna give you an update okay we're in new
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york new york stand the fuck up that's a joke that me and adam make all the time we're in new york so
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we're in a different space and i know it's kind of scary so like when you move a pet and you put
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a t-shirt that smells like you in there here's a mug this is for you i'm on the right side or
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your left anyways we're in new york and it's very exciting so on to the best part of every episode
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which is the amazing guest today we have the one the only the iconic the legendary matt bellis
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si welcome to new york thank you that's the only new york accent i can do and i won't be trying
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another one yeah i appreciate that i'm glad you're not trying it again i don't know it's offensive if
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i do i've lived here for 11 years but still oh damn a long time yeah over a decade so i'm a bitch now
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i mean i always was kind of but so you fit in faster but now i'm now i can fight i feel you
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like actually everyone's like we can see you this video
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thank you so much for coming on the show thank you for having me and thank you for waiting for
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me everyone matt waited so patiently for me i was late today because i had a mental breakdown this
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morning check love it it's not work unless you break down at least once no yeah i usually get up
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have a minor breakdown pop my antidepressants there you go yeah a couple vitamins and then
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you're like that was that was kind of crazy what i was doing back there that was kind of crazy if
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you're not having a breakdown before breakfast what are you doing what are you doing yeah living
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normally can't relate being mentally healthy saving money saving money on therapy it's expensive god i
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love my therapist yeah but i adore her i can't afford it i mean i can but i'm like why are they
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charging it's expensive yeah they're like it's 400 an hour to tell you it's your mom's fault
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we know you're like and if i get drunk enough i'll figure that out on my own exactly yeah i spend long
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enough in any sort of bar i'll figure that out right right a girl in line for the bathroom at a bar
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could tell me more than my therapist could period for free yeah i'm literally like sometimes when i
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talk to my therapist and i tell her things and she's like well and she like kind of reads me a
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little bit i'm like whose side are you on first of all yeah uh i'm not paying you 400 an hour to
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disagree with first of all you're supposed to be on my side yeah yeah me i love my favorite thing my
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therapist has ever said was just like what do you want me to tell you right now and i was like love
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that you're just asking me to give you the script and you're so you're so real for that yeah which is
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true sometimes you just need them to say a certain thing i want you to tell me i'm so pretty and
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nothing is ever my fault yeah thoughts is that's that's so much to ask and then yeah i have to whip
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out the amex and and then that's our that's our thing yeah that's our bit me when i first started
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therapy i was like trying to constantly make my therapist laugh yeah me just like refusing to put
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down comedy for even a second right right i got her like one time she giggled a little bit she's
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like come on yeah i was like hey i got you though and then they hit you with the like is it important
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to you that i find you funny and you're like okay i guess and what if i said it was right what if i
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said it was huh and then what i was like my life's in your hands currently yeah so be nice to me my
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therapist did at one point ask if i know now we're just talking about therapy that's all right i'm cool
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with it she was like are you afraid that if we like fix you you won't be funny anymore and i was
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like yeah actually huh because that's the only reason people are funny it's the way that kind of
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gagged me a little bit fundamentally broken people the way that kind of gagged me a little i said
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uh oh but hopefully not right hopefully not yeah i wouldn't say so your comedy doesn't just come
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from a place of being a fundamentally flawed human being no way yeah mental illness maybe right
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uh wit and intelligence 99 of it if you ask me i'd say i'm just so incredibly smart that's why i'm
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funny exactly see for you it's so much of your stuff is a lot of other people being needing therapy
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period right i'm a therapist but not really exactly i'm more so like um as long as everybody else in
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the world remains like unfixed you'll be fine yeah that's job security men yeah specifically men
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terrible men right you dealt with terrible men on the internet before i mean who hasn't right we've
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all yeah we've all in prey i'm telling you yeah no i've never had a positive interaction with a man
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on the internet gay or straight period or in between yeah one thing about them they're gonna be
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consistent on the internet the brand that's their brand on the internet that is yeah every time i have
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a bad interaction with a gay person i'm like don't make me hate gay people i'll do it i'll do it i saw
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this i'll turn i saw this tweet once that was like i really hate when you guys make me side with a man
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like that's how i feel yeah when they like make a valid point or like they're like kind of never give
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it to no you still have not publicly no yeah privately yeah right in my but i'm not happy
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about it tell you that much yeah you got to keep that locked up yeah locked up at all you can't give
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them you take give them an inch and they take a mile right you can't not not even a little bit of
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wiggle room that's why sometimes when uh people want to talk to me about like i back in the day like
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when i first started like really making videos all the time i would get tagged in videos of men
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saying shit like girls ladies it's okay if you have stretch marks that's the whole video half a
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million likes all the comments are like this one's good like protect this one and they're like tagging
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me and they're like maybe we can shout out some good ones no hey no no actually i will not be doing
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that first of all who does not have stretch marks literally everybody yeah that's not exclusive to
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women but okay yeah i am so upset that every time listen i got stretch marks and i've bought the
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creams and i hate that every bottle of stretch mark cream has a pregnant woman on the front of it
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we need to have more inclusive stretch mark creams no seriously that's a human thing right it's not
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exclusive to women now at target i have to have an employee come up and unlock the thing while i point
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at the stretch mark cream it's not for me though you're like giving them a story yeah it's not for
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my wife actually needs this you can unlock it and then you're like thanks girl i appreciate you
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i just feel like they whenever they tell me that i'm like that's bare minimum shit i'm not giving them
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what do you want to give them a first place prize for not being an awful human being i hate i mean
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the problem with like the tiktok algorithm is that it's just telling on yourself if you talk about like
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what is on your algorithm but yeah whenever i see like a shirtless man doing the absolute minimum
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i'm like come on and people eat it up they do sometimes i want to tell them stand up stand up
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immediately that's what i want to tell when they sit it's like a man with like a dangly earring and
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then they're like ladies like it's okay if you don't shave your legs every once in a while
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uh they've weaponized the dangly earring the dangly earring and the pearl necklace have become
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weapons of war i always think like i'm like men like that are like blending in just enough but
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you know it's down there right it's like i can like i feel like a drug dog i can sniff it you know
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what i mean like if i sniff you long enough i'll find it yeah yeah yeah tsa that dog walking around
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that's me every man that crosses paths with me right there are a few men who on online like i've seen
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and i'm like i don't know i just have a feeling like there's just a vibe that they give me and
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then they also never like interact with my content never follow me that's pretty telling to me too
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right and you're like oh you don't follow me just misogynist so you hate women just recently there was
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one guy that like i felt that way from the beginning of my tiktok journey to now and i just recently like
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literally a month ago like someone confirmed to me that he is in fact a rife misogynist uh-huh and i
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was like i knew it yeah and as a virgo i love being right right oh i love to be right when is your
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birthday september 18th next week yes week and a half week and a half from now happy early birthday
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thank you when's your birthday it was august 2nd oh okay so you're a leo yeah love that for you
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naturally i have to say too before i forget i've loved you ever since your wine about it series right
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my favorite my early alcoholic days that series was genuinely one of my favorite things to watch
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thank you school yeah i just think you're genius brilliant thank you thank you yeah i was throwing
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back bottles of wine at work at work i love that i remember watching and i was thinking you're so
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funny and i was thinking like that's so awesome that you can like just do that and be so yeah but
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then i was legit drunk at work got like 2 p.m on a monday and then it would have like meetings that
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have to go to and you're like you want me to do things after this no it was it was difficult we
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decided that we would film before we used to get free lunches on mondays and so we would film before
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the free lunch so then i could like you know douse it yeah they go soak it up yeah some tacos and
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stuff something real greasy some that's actually pretty smart yeah planning around your lunch time
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well the problem was we the first time we went to film we filmed at like 5 p.m so then it was like
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okay it's the end of the day and normal time to be drinking a bottle of wine and i was like
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but the lighting is better at noon though that's literally why we started doing it in the middle of
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the day aesthetic's more important right and then don't forget about your meeting later on today
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how do you drink now do you are you do you feel good do you feel better when you drink now because
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i feel like my drinking has gotten a lot like my tolerance for alcohol okay that's what i meant
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relax mine has gotten so your tolerance has gone up or down down significantly same since when i was
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like a little fatty in college like right when i was a big whore right i could drink a sailor bitch
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girl i could drink a man under the table we used to drink skull which is like the vodka that's in
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like a disintegrating bottle yeah pour it fast enough the bottle will just fall apart that yeah my body
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used to be able to take that that's crazy no now i have like a glass of wine and i'm like climbing trees
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going out of work tomorrow yeah immediately yeah no my tolerance is terrible i think it's the
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combination of like getting a little older and truly antidepressants really they'll be like yeah
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this will make every drink that you have worth like three drinks damn right you save money that's
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true i think being a lightweight is a good thing that's true that's when i was younger well i've talked
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about this before too i'm like when you're young i feel like you drink to get fucked up you don't drink
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right because you like the taste it's just like you want to get trashed because you want to have
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fun yeah um when i was young i could drink i drank like crazy if i did that now i'd be sent to a
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hospital no yeah mental hospital if i drink a full bottle of wine right now it would be body bag it
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was so bad when a few months ago i remember i went with my boyfriend to my in-law's house and we just
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hung out it's like normal um barbecue i had four light beers uh-huh light light
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next 90 calories light beers in the sense that i was like these are fine like they're gonna hurt
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me next day i thought i had covid i literally was calling i'm like what the fuck like i was like i
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feel so terrible i feel so awful like me just like acting like i'm literally dying yeah uh because it
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felt like i was and then i called my mom i was crying i'm like something's wrong with me like i took
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three covid tests and it says negative but i feel so sick and uh she's like do you have like a fever
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or anything i'm like no i just feel so awful like my head hurts i'm nauseous and my mom was like
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didn't you drink yesterday and i was like i had four light beers might as well have been water
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no and then she was like i think you're hungover yeah wrong wrong your body is changing it's going
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against me is what it's doing that's not cool yeah no i i just can't do it anymore i so i do stand up
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and i'll drink during my stand-up shows and i yeah there has been a couple of times more recently than
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i'd like to admit where i've been on stage and been like oh i still know i have 30 minutes left
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but i am struggling up here and it's never i've never thrown up on stage that is my that's good
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yeah that's a good thing i've actually only thrown up from drinking four times i've only that's actually
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not bad i take pride in that that's that is actually really good yeah i think i've thrown up
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like two times wow yeah i thought i was bragging and then you hit me with a lower number i'm a lot
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younger than you that's true you still have time to catch up like so much younger than you're basically
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a child oh my god i know drink i'm gonna be 28 okay yeah so like it's i got more time on me i think
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right i'm only 33 even though i have the hairline of a much older man and the the breasts of a much
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younger woman yeah period my yeah my tolerance is at the bottom of the barrel truly okay well that's
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that makes me feel good i feel like i've found community in that yeah yeah of like people who
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wish they could drink more but yeah i'm like they're like do you want to drink i'm like nah i'm good
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yeah and even like because i'm just like an internet dickhead for living um whenever i go to like
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things with other internet people and like oh i have so many friends on the internet too but like
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everyone that's on the internet now especially is like young and soaking wet don't know why
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but they're 90 pounds oh yeah yeah shiny wet and 19 right so every time i meet people they're like
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do you want to drink and i'm like no i'm good yeah like do you like not drink or something
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i don't like that tone right first of all fix it judgmental yeah yeah fix it no immediately
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gen z i don't know are you gen z i'm millennial okay yeah i'm like right in the middle right
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no i can't if i talk to someone who's gen z for more than like five minutes i'll end up crying
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there it scares me there's something else they really are there's something else it's almost like
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too much access to information is a bad thing sometimes right yeah you grew up in the worst
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possible time no seriously your brain has been fundamentally transformed by the internet like
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actually yeah like we at least remember dial up yeah that's what i'm saying to some extent i
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remember dial up don't get me wrong i had a house computer sure sure sure i had a house the corner
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desk yeah exactly and then my sister and i we would like play games on the computer when we were younger
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but like we'd set like a timer my mom would be like set this time where you guys each get like
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10 minutes because nobody can be on the phone yeah exactly at the same time kind of thing so i do
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remember that good good good that's why sometimes people don't believe me when i say i'm a millennial
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but i was born 95 i think the cutoff's like 98 or something yeah i'm at that point in my dating life
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where i'm like i don't know it scares me to go younger than like 27 at the very lowest yeah i don't
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know in gay years it feels like every year is like monumentally something happens yeah no i i you know
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what's funny is i feel like i just talked about this with my sister my friend one of my friends
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because we were talking about how like you're so different when you're like 21 right even to like
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24 like that is a huge difference yeah no i won't talk to anybody younger than 24 period
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even like a child the last time i like interacted with a literal child was i don't know the 2010s
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maybe i have not i don't like to see it i don't like i feel that yeah i feel it that's fair that's
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kind of how i feel about really older people so like when people like date like much older like
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when people date older oh sure what do you talk about yeah the 2008 housing crisis like what do you
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talk about yeah that's it you know what i'm saying that's it the great depression i don't know what was
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the cable car like i don't know it is depressing yeah to see people like on the dating apps or
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grinder be like no no one older than like 31 and it's like okay that's really young right but that's
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like i guess i'm a dad now you're geriatric apparently yeah which is true everything i've said so far
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indicates that i am in fact geriatric i mean you and me both yeah i'm a i'm like an 80 year old man
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mentally if i'm being honest i made a like joke the other day uh to someone and i like like i kind
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of gagged him a little bit and we like laughed about it and then my sister was talking to me
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about it afterwards and she's like you kind of got him a little bit i was like i know i was like
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because he was making jokes about me so i was making jokes about him like we're riffing you know
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and uh i kind of stunted i stumped him a little bit and then i was like hey if you're gonna hit the
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king you gotta kill the king you know what i mean uh-huh and dason was like what the fuck does that
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even mean you know like if you like i'm like really good and if you attack me you gotta be
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better than me right right she's like i don't like when you say old timey sayings yeah no that is a
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little bit like you were coming at him with popeye language a little bit i thought this was a safe
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space my bad it's fine no i got it i just yeah sometimes i feel like even because sometimes a lot
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of some of my friends they'll like date older men and they'll like go on dates with them and so
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just for funsies i'm like slay bitch i mean do what you gotta do but then when i talk to them
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later i'm like what do you guys talk about right i'm so curious like what do you talk about
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i don't know that's what i'm saying like yeah like an older guy nobody older than yeah like a few
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years older than me same that's what i'm saying same no the age difference has never been higher
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than like i think the highest was like five right if that so like someone in their 40s or above
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that is like still not bad but i'm like middle age right right i just don't know what we have in
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common nothing yeah especially on a dating level you know what i'm saying but see the thing about
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gays is like we are everyone is like perpetually like 15 yeah that's true that's a good point it's
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not a good thing but it is true so it's easier right yeah i feel like everybody has sort of
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been stunted at that age so yeah that's fair yeah the oldest guy i ever dated was like i think five
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years older than me yeah maybe a little bit older but you were like 15 not even i was 21 no he was
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older than that i think he was 29 so eight years yeah um and he turned out to be one of the worst
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people i've ever met so listen see you never know pattern established i think yeah i don't know i'm
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gambling right now yeah with there's someone i'm talking to who is like five years younger where i'm
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like seen yeah you're just testing the waters it does feel like i'm dating a preschooler but also
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you never know you never know yeah at least you have like uh like what you said you guys all
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kind of have the same like mindset to some extent so at least at least like for like
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fucking straight guys like it's just as soon as they hit they go past 25 right they just know
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everything to ever exist in the entire world ever so like anytime they talk to women it's like
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no they talk to like they're the stupidest bitch on planet earth and that's the part that really
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fucking irks me which is why i think on my platform i just tell them to suck my wiener and
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that's like more than enough and then they're like they're this bitch is an idiot i'm like well i don't
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need to prove to you no that i don't have a double digit iq right um i could just tell you to eat
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i am a stupid bitch so that's why i'm like i don't i'm not pretending to be like some wise
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older man i'm like at the end of the day i'm a stupid i'll tell you when i'm the stupid when i'm
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the dumbest bitch like when i truly feel like the dumbest person alive is like when i do anything
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related to my car yeah anything literally at all i feel like what misogynists believe women to be
00:22:10.200
right i am that person right i am that fucking girl like you're like paying for tire like air for your
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tire girl when i had to get tires replaced i'm like talking to the guy on the phone i'm like hey i
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i got like two flat like i had um tiny holes in two of my tires so i'm like i had to replace both of
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them and he's like okay like can you tell me and he might as well have been speaking mandarin to me
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bitch like i don't know what you're saying like you're asking me a bunch of questions i don't know
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the answers to right so he asked me all these questions and i'm like i'm gonna tell you what
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i know about this car it's gray right as far as it goes for me like i don't drive because i live in
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new york and i i've had to rent cars for gigs and i there was one i'd never been in a car where you
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had to press the button to start it like a push to start yeah which is now every vehicle yeah uh
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and someone had to come up it was like i was sitting in i was looking up like youtube videos
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on how to start this car and someone had to come up and show me so that's how little i know about
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vehicles you got me like i went to college you're like i have a degree yeah but i i don't know
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something happened probably all of the wine i drank i just lost too many brain cells and now
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i like smoke weed and so that is i feel that i love that that's a big reason why i don't drink
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anymore anyways yeah because i prefer that right the cali diet i'm telling you i just think i don't
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feel like shit the next morning and i don't shit in my own bed so i feel right that works out for me
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yeah maybe a little meant too many rice krispie treats but that's for right me to confront that's
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no one else's problem are your lungs turning into like popcorn sure sure but hey hey it's
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better than nicotine i don't smoke yeah exactly there you go see that's a perfect example of a
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conversation i have my therapist and i'm like tell me i'm not a bad person you tell me i'm always right
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and nothing's ever my fault i think that's acceptable yeah no that sounds right to me yeah
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my other advice see the problem i maintain that like people will say oh smoking weed is healthier
00:24:14.220
than drinking but then like i'll smoke weed and order like the worst thing you can possibly put in
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your body and the amount of times so different i have door dashed just a single slice of cake
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often when i tell you i'll pay 25 for a single slice of chocolate cake
00:24:33.080
i wish i was joking i'll pull up my seamless history right now and it is
00:24:39.960
it is bad i hired a business manager recently and they're like helping me like do taxes and
00:24:47.040
all that and uh my mom they were like what are these expenses my mom is one of my managers and
00:24:51.840
she was like helping me with my taxes and she was like yeah it's mostly just like door dash orders
00:24:56.680
i'm like okay first of all don't need to put that in email thank you though love you to death
00:25:00.560
don't need to put that in email i relate so bad truly that's all it is the amount of money i
00:25:06.720
spend on seamless embarrassing well also i think too like you know this too like we travel a lot
00:25:13.800
so it's like i'll buy groceries and they'll go bad because i'll be gone for two weeks yeah come back
00:25:19.100
then i buy groceries for one day then i leave for two days then they're gone they're bad so like the
00:25:24.620
only choice you have is to eat out which is frustrating there's in a different way stuff in
00:25:28.880
the back of my refrigerator that i'm too afraid to touch because like yeah once it reaches i have a
00:25:35.360
sourdough starter from 2020 that it's in a special little crock that i bought and i'm too afraid to
00:25:41.720
open the lid i'm not even joking you're like whatever's going on under there it's none of my
00:25:45.420
business at this point at this point it is give it to god let the universe it has a full pulse i don't
00:25:51.960
think i can even legally throw it away at this point because abortion under there yeah i cannot
00:25:57.180
i need to bring that sourdough crock to mexico in order to dispose of it i uh recently when i came
00:26:08.260
to new york i'm going to be here for a while so like my uncle was house sitting for me and i have
00:26:12.960
a dog so he's like watching him and he was like i was like all right we're gonna take off go to the
00:26:17.560
airport and he's like okay cool do you mind if i throw away some stuff like some food that yeah that
00:26:23.340
looks kind of bad right and i was like oh yeah i know there's like a couple of bananas that are like
00:26:27.680
a little ripe but like they're not that bad he goes no those aren't the ones i'm talking about and i
00:26:32.220
went and looked and i have girl i have some rotten ass bananas i was like oh my god i forgot about those
00:26:37.880
i was like i'm so embarrassed he goes i'm gonna go ahead and like empty out a bunch of stuff yeah yeah
00:26:42.540
yeah that's good though if you have someone else do it that's fine i have i'll fully throw away
00:26:48.280
a thing of tupperware once it gets too gross i'm like i'll buy new ones i don't want to touch that
00:26:53.940
i don't even trust it anymore you know what whatever i'll i'll take it i'll i'll own the
00:27:00.740
expense yeah even with doordash like i showed my sister i don't know if you guys have it here but
00:27:05.840
they have like the express on there do you guys have that yeah i'm a rush order seamless and they
00:27:11.380
don't do that seamless is like the east coast version of grubhub oh okay yeah okay it's literally
00:27:17.080
the same app but they just call it seamless here i don't know why so i mostly use that they don't
00:27:23.760
have like priority delivery oh i see yeah doordash has that and it's like for an extra four dollars or
00:27:29.560
something and i showed my sister that because she had never seen that i'm like yeah do they have like
00:27:33.820
an express thing i was like press it and then she was like i wish you never showed me that thing
00:27:37.640
because it gets there like 40 minutes faster yeah and i'm like i'll pay it that's what instacart has
00:27:42.560
you use instacart hell yeah all the time see here's the thing this is kind of controversial
00:27:46.920
because the joke on like the internet is that if you get assigned a male shopper your order is
00:27:53.920
automatically going to be fucked up because men do not know how to shop period and it is like a
00:27:59.960
privileged thing to complain about absolutely people have come back and then been like oh i'm sorry
00:28:04.200
that the like slave that you hired didn't get your right order and i'm like okay but i did just
00:28:11.380
long story short i had a bunch of bug bites from a wedding i was at that was outside desperately needed
00:28:17.720
this is the kind of things that i instacart desperately needed some calamine lotion okay this
00:28:23.500
was like three days ago and so it was like 10 30 at night and i found a walgreens that had
00:28:29.220
this lotion spray and i ordered it and got assigned a male shopper and i was like okay so i'm not
00:28:36.760
getting this lotion for sure and he got there and then i get the message that like they don't have the
00:28:42.260
item that you want and then he sends me a picture of the shelf with all the itch stuff and i see the
00:28:48.560
fucking thing on the shelf in the picture that he sent me he's like i tried my absolute hardest right
00:28:54.780
he just walked in i was like it's literally the pink bottle it's also like the one thing that is
00:28:59.020
the brightest color yeah it's like i was like a little more bottle right there and then he sends
00:29:04.820
me a picture of a red bottle that was on a different shelf i was like are you fucking getting
00:29:10.120
me it's the exact name of the thing that i punched in you're like and they show you a picture of it i
00:29:16.820
feel like you're playing a trick on me yeah then he tried to call me and i was like no we're not
00:29:21.560
talking i'm absolutely not answering that figure it out no i will never answer the phone for anybody
00:29:26.460
i was like it's the pink bottle yeah that'll piss me off and i paid like 30 dollars just for this
00:29:32.840
itch cream i you're right about it being like a privileged thing to complain about so we know
00:29:38.640
that yeah um but even like i ordered because the hurricane that like hit like mexico and right
00:29:45.720
went up the coast um i ordered generators like and that's only because i don't have a sam's club card
00:29:53.360
which is like a costco i don't have that and also i was like doing a bunch of stuff for work so i was
00:29:58.440
like okay my mom was like we should get generators i'm like period yeah i'll look on instacart and
00:30:04.320
they're expensive like generators are expensive so i got two of them like one for my mom and one for my
00:30:08.740
house and so we were like i ordered them the guy was like no problem i got it it it's a man i'm like
00:30:16.060
okay and i'm like okay i'm trusting that you're okay he took a very long time to bring them to me
00:30:21.700
far longer than it said and i was like that's fine i'm not in a rush right as long as you bring it
00:30:26.560
and and it was like a mini fridge and a george foreman grill not at all what you asked for
00:30:31.640
it's just like two random things but he like he brings them to my house and like i have like ring
00:30:38.520
cameras all over my house like all around the perimeter of it yeah and my dad like text me and
00:30:44.460
was like hey are these the generators and he sends because my parents are connected to my ring cameras
00:30:49.760
too uh-huh he sends me a video of the guy and he has it on my driveway and he's rolling it up like a
00:30:56.080
log like he's just picking up one side and then pushing it over and it's like he's slowly rolling it
00:31:05.980
up like like slamming it on the ground it's in it's not in a steel case it's in like a plastic box or
00:31:11.380
a cardboard box and my boyfriend saw it on the ring and he went open the door and he's like do you need
00:31:17.340
help and the guy's like oh yeah yeah yeah no i was just like bringing them up i think he didn't know
00:31:21.500
i was like i was watching him destroy the item that i fucking bought did they work i honestly don't
00:31:28.340
know i'm kind of scared to turn them on my dad was like i hope those work when we try to gas them up
00:31:32.940
i'm like i i'm inclined that is the thing i i do love videos of delivery drivers like just
00:31:39.300
absolutely throwing shit onto just not caring not giving a shit not one bit and i'm like you know
00:31:44.480
what but it's also like go off king we know they're being treated horribly that's what i'm saying go off
00:31:49.640
king what you gotta do like i'm cool with it i actually deserve this for ordering it i'm not gonna
00:31:54.380
get mad at you that's why i was like i saw it and i was like well you know maybe they're heavy
00:31:59.220
that was the thing about the instagram i was like i don't i can't even get mad because like
00:32:04.040
you have my address and i'm not about to pick a fight with some rando no seriously yeah especially
00:32:10.040
here yeah especially here absolutely not they don't give a fuck i cannot defend myself for shit
00:32:16.480
when i first came here i used to really really not like new york yeah
00:32:28.540
um because i'm just like nobody likes it it's not like they tolerate it we're not having fun
00:32:33.920
yeah they tolerate it yeah they're just okay with it i feel like uh because i'm just like a west coast
00:32:40.160
person that's why it's so different over here but i think i really hated it in the beginning because i
00:32:45.500
just genuinely don't like how little human space there is here that's one and i'm a large person so
00:32:52.760
like i feel like i'm always in the way here and also one of the things that pissed me off the most was
00:32:57.680
like nobody believes in escalators and what they're used for here they use them like stairs yeah which
00:33:03.780
is not what they're used my least favorite and like somehow i'm the asshole if i'm using it the way
00:33:09.400
god intended yeah even like that people mover at the airport oh well one girl called me a fucking
00:33:15.760
bitch because i was like standing but like off to the side i agree i'm so sorry but first of all hold on
00:33:22.860
before you drag me let me give context we land it was a red eye we landed at two in the morning
00:33:28.800
okay okay no one in the airport like hardly any okay i moved to the side i'm walking but slowly
00:33:36.220
so like i could have been standing right i might as well have been but like i was walking just slowly
00:33:42.260
and she got pissed off at me and i told hey guys scoot to the side this girl wants to go around
00:33:47.460
yeah and she's like yeah you fucking bitch and she just kept going okay well i'm never gonna call
00:33:52.060
someone a bitch to their face um but i was like well come back here and tell me that girl like yeah
00:33:57.960
yeah thought y'all were all about confronting people here because i'm from chicago and i feel like the
00:34:03.320
chicago airport is the biggest offender of that where every time i land in chicago i'm like yes these
00:34:09.180
are my people but like if you don't move your fucking ass on the moving sidewalk yeah this is not
00:34:16.180
we're not this is not break time especially in the airport because you're like i'm trying to get
00:34:21.140
the fuck out of here yeah no i airport's awful not only do i move at new york speed i move at gay
00:34:25.860
new york speed which is already like 1.75 so i'm like come on get out of my way move move move move
00:34:32.200
yeah an escalator the amount of times i've been on an escalator here and i've been like shoulder
00:34:36.480
checked because i'm standing and using it the way that it's supposed to be used it's crazy
00:34:40.920
that's the thing about master the new york vibe is not like the stereotype is that we're all
00:34:47.160
assholes and it's not that we're assholes it's just there's eight nine million people on top of
00:34:52.560
one another and like very true everybody is just in a bad mood it's not like we're not trying to be
00:34:58.940
assholes we just don't want people to get in our way i feel that even when we were like we went to a
00:35:04.280
bagel shop like the first day we were here and um we were like standing in line and he was like next
00:35:11.300
and then we weren't ready so we were just watching and then he goes next like scream and then i was
00:35:17.000
like you can go in front of us yeah i was like okay good and he walked around us i was like my bad my
00:35:21.120
bad i'll make someone feel so bad if they if you get to the register and your apple pay and or credit
00:35:28.920
card is not out get out get out of the bagel shop i'm not playing around that's why like sometimes
00:35:35.500
i'll literally only here is like where i will look up a menu before i go if i know it's not a sit down
00:35:42.140
yeah because i don't want to be embarrassed like that and i didn't do it and we all got embarrassed
00:35:47.160
my whole party right all five of us when i'm with the group and the waiter comes over and says are we
00:35:52.140
ready and then like there's a pause i feel it's my obligation to be like give us a minute these
00:35:59.420
bitches are not ready i feel personally responsible to tell everyone i'm like i know you fucking hate us
00:36:06.180
right now five second pause they just took i'm like i'm ready but some people are if you want to
00:36:13.060
start preparing my food that would be great actually but can i put my order in now actually
00:36:17.740
that's definitely a new york thing for sure it is when when it's like a standing order thing
00:36:23.640
if i'm trying to read and i have terrible vision so i can't read that 0.27 font i can't read it from
00:36:31.320
where i'm standing no you got to look it up ahead of time you know what you're doing or i have my
00:36:34.960
boyfriend read me the menu or my sister i'm like hey what does that say underneath no i'll do the
00:36:40.000
thing where especially if it's like a date where i have to pretend like i didn't look it up ahead of
00:36:44.960
time know exactly what i'm ordering the second i sit down yeah this looks i wonder what that is
00:36:52.040
pretend to peruse yeah especially at a restaurant where like i have to google what the items are
00:36:57.640
do you have to do that yeah at like uh especially here because some places like especially a french
00:37:03.460
restaurant right if it's french or even italian italian is a great one i i don't fucking know
00:37:08.840
right they're just inventing pastas that i've never heard of before and i'm italian i'm like
00:37:13.920
you should make me look dumb i'm on to you just call it chicken we don't have to be calling it
00:37:18.980
all this fancy poisson that is like a chicken thing that i had to look up oh is that that's
00:37:24.820
french yeah yeah yeah it's like a baby chicken is it really yeah i'm thinking of that song from
00:37:30.940
the little mermaid and that makes me think of crab sure it's like land poisson oh don't act like
00:37:36.560
you don't know the song i now you're making me look silly no i know it i'm not gonna sing it
00:37:41.960
okay good you know it then yeah i thought he was singing about crabs but apparently i'm glad you
00:37:50.360
told me that's not what it means so i'm not embarrassed i mean it makes more sense that he
00:37:54.380
would be singing about crabs but he was singing about chickens actually i may be yeah i don't know
00:37:59.660
or maybe i ate crab and i just thought it was chicken i've never actually been to europe have
00:38:12.580
you been to europe yeah i have yeah actually i've been to spain i've been to england and i've been to
00:38:21.520
italy and how did the airport in france oh the airport i think the best the best example that i
00:38:30.240
could give is that i when i flew to london we had a layover in france at the airport there and i went
00:38:37.600
to starbucks in the french airport because i was like okay local cuisine and i ordered a sandwich and
00:38:44.920
the french barista was like you get it yourself okay and i was like he like could not believe i
00:38:53.400
was asking him to like fetch me a sandwich he was like you get it yourself and so and then i got to
00:39:00.140
london and that week i went to a coffee shop and they had sandwiches and i went to reach for it and
00:39:05.660
the guy was like do not touch the sandwiches and i was like what is happening yeah so europe was very
00:39:13.140
disoriented like i don't understand your culture i'm so sorry yeah what does he mean like you go
00:39:17.700
and get it yourself and like it was like of you know sometimes there's the glass case of stuff that
00:39:23.220
you are able to reach in and get and then sometimes they fetch it from behind yeah and i yeah i just
00:39:29.000
got it wrong and it was that was on me of course because there was no signs and my bad if you're i look
00:39:36.740
so american i can't believe that you're like every country i've ever been to they just come up and
00:39:41.280
immediately start speaking english like there's no question that i am not from there so i'm like
00:39:47.220
you should know that i don't know what i'm doing yeah please look at me literally look at me and if
00:39:52.100
you try to order just like a coffee they're like where do you fucking think you are this is not what
00:39:58.020
do you mean coffee what is it espresso right you either have to get like an americano like it's never
00:40:04.040
just a coffee they're all my fucking bad yeah jeez please i know i'm a little nervous to go to europe
00:40:10.860
i'm supposed to go i think next year but i'm i'm only nervous because i am a virgo like i've
00:40:18.740
established already which means i really need to know literally everything about where i'm going at
00:40:23.640
all times like i need to be that's good tuned in and if i don't speak the language and i don't
00:40:28.340
understand they're like how everything works that makes me nervous yeah which is my mental illness
00:40:33.800
or is it just me being a virgo so you got to get on duolingo now i am actually on duolingo but i'm
00:40:40.840
not learning like french no first of all that owl is a terrorist let's talk about the scariest mascot
00:40:49.700
that they can possibly come up with they're going crazy duolingo owl yeah she's everywhere she
00:40:56.040
walks carpets yeah she was at the barbie premiere she went to like a sex club in berlin and they
00:41:01.160
were putting her in like leather gear are you being serious absolutely serious i didn't see that
00:41:07.080
yeah what the fuck duolingo owl is getting like fisted in germany and it'll tell you how to ask for
00:41:14.700
it i guarantee it they speak every language at that point no but if yeah i i had it for a little while
00:41:20.020
and if you like don't do it every day they like threaten you they're so i will be in your inbox being
00:41:24.380
like i'm under your bed you don't i'm calling in an airstrike to your house if you don't do your
00:41:29.540
lesson today immediately i know i was teaching myself um native hawaiian sure i was trying to
00:41:35.280
learn native hawaiian because i'm someone so like i'm trying to learn someone at the same time and
00:41:39.720
a lot of indigenous languages like polynesian indigenous languages are all somewhat similar
00:41:45.820
yeah in a lot of ways um but also like someone's a dying language so that's not on duolingo but
00:41:52.980
hawaiian is so i was like okay i'm gonna teach myself right i don't think that will help me in
00:41:57.780
france no it won't unfortunately i also don't know how i'll be perceived in those countries because
00:42:03.820
i do look vastly different than anyone that lives there yeah so i do think about that a lot
00:42:10.020
me sticking out like a sore thumb kind of thing yeah they seem so unwelcome to everybody
00:42:16.500
like literally everyone also i heard uh most of england doesn't have air conditioning which i find to
00:42:22.660
be against god personally yeah i think that's true of like most of europe yeah like no air conditioning
00:42:28.060
right why do people visit there right especially in the summer like you innovated the bidet you've had
00:42:33.980
that you've had clean pussy forever hello we can't not sweat i'm like you colonized every
00:42:40.560
culture on this goddamn planet but you didn't create air conditioning i don't understand yeah
00:42:44.820
i don't understand that one bit i don't get it right personally i can't relate are you sweaty girl
00:42:48.620
i'm a very sweaty girl i'm so sweaty it's awful i have sweat through layers this body is a prison
00:42:54.880
it really is i i cannot handle especially in this industry nobody sweats why i don't know botox
00:43:02.780
that's that's what i've heard yeah but then some people tell me that it worked for a while and
00:43:07.580
then they had to like re-up it and then it comes back like twice as hard yeah and then i think to
00:43:12.120
myself i don't have the commitment to keep going back to those appointments um so i'm like should i
00:43:19.840
just suffer and sweat through my jeans or like what do i do right because i'll tell you what's not
00:43:24.440
cute sweating in a getty image not my fave not my favorite thing in the world i'll be honest with you
00:43:29.980
yeah no i just avoid looking up myself on getting images because i'm sure that's a horror show i like
00:43:37.360
went to a carpet recently and the car it's obviously been like ungodly hot outside lately even in
00:43:43.600
california it's horrible but i was like okay carpet outside mentally prepared now and then they put it
00:43:49.920
inside so i was like okay period maybe this is the one carpet i do where i'm not hot i go in that room
00:43:56.100
it's at least 90 degrees uh florida humidity in there what the fuck i'm like do you guys have
00:44:02.300
the heaters on what's going on uh and i'm the only bitch sweating when i tell you there's 400 people
00:44:08.240
in there and i am the only person sweating yeah targeted attack racist if you will i agree it's
00:44:14.260
racist homophobic someone's against women in this room yeah no every award show every like carpet
00:44:20.340
event that i've been to has been a humiliation it's never gone my way ever what's your worst
00:44:28.300
experience okay there's two one one was not really a carpet i i got invited to this screening okay for
00:44:36.040
this movie and um i thought it was just like show up and like you're gonna watch the movie and did not
00:44:42.120
realize it was like a carpet got you and because they're unclear sometimes yeah they did not say at
00:44:47.080
all and i showed up like in jeans and a t-shirt and a baseball hat and like miss america was there
00:44:52.980
she had like a floor-length gown on you're like oh well one of us had to change i was also like
00:44:59.180
stoned as fuck and yeah it was embarrassing because they were like do you want to walk the carpet i was
00:45:04.440
like no no where's my seat no actually i don't yeah thank you though the craziest carpet store it's not
00:45:13.120
well this is it's more an award show story gotcha um because i won the people's choice award period
00:45:21.260
for social media back in 2016 it was the first time they had that award love um and because it was such
00:45:30.080
a new award they were like you're not going to get it on stage but we'll hand it to you in the audience
00:45:35.700
we'll like come back from commercial and the camera will be on you and we'll hand it to you okay
00:45:41.180
they like made try was in my seat before they came back and they were like okay this is it and
00:45:45.780
uh they came back from commercial a seat filler walked in front of the camera the camera guy
00:45:50.640
immediately forgot what i looked like stopped on the man in front of me who was like a 55 year old
00:45:56.300
man with dark hair and yeah it said like matt belisai winner no one's correcting you and you see me in
00:46:04.880
the background like wait what is happening and the like model gave me the the award and
00:46:11.160
but you you yeah not the other you no okay she was like i'm sorry she's like they told me to give
00:46:17.940
it to you anyways yeah like she knew but the camera guy just thought i was a 55 year old man he's like
00:46:23.920
same thing a dark beard yeah and then i met that man the next day because he called me and apologized he
00:46:30.280
was the man who they stopped on whose name is eric vitro big fan he is a celebrity vocal coach he's
00:46:38.260
training ariana for wicked oh period and yeah we love him he has a podcast too um and yeah i was
00:46:45.740
like it's not your fault you just smiled and gave a thumbs up but yeah that was my most humiliated like
00:46:52.020
i even it to me is the perfect encapsulation of me of like i was literally winning a popularity
00:46:58.880
contest and it was still the most embarrassing moment of my life but not popular enough right
00:47:06.520
no my parents were texting me being like we're so sorry what the fuck is that did you do something
00:47:13.760
different to your hair yeah that's honestly so humbling oh fuck me but you know what that award
00:47:19.360
is on my shelf so i got to go home with it at the end yeah you win in the end i i had like didn't
00:47:25.360
win cameron dallas frankie grande and you can take that to the bank actually
00:47:33.700
they would have confused them maybe probably not but who knows if you gaslight yourself enough you
00:47:41.460
could convince yourself yeah sure sure that is true they did come up with like it's the same
00:47:47.240
accounting company like price water cooper whoever they do like the oscars yeah yeah yeah you know and
00:47:53.320
they'd fuck that up too a couple times but they came up to me later and they were like you really
00:47:57.740
like this is not rigged this is like real voting so they had to like assure me you're like well that
00:48:03.240
makes me feel worse right like no i'm glad i'm glad it's real but also yeah nobody saw it
00:48:10.080
like i also like that hurts my feelings a little bit more yeah um that it was real and you guys just
00:48:16.380
right didn't know who i was that's honestly worse that's worse that if they made a mistake
00:48:21.780
like i don't think i've ever had anything quite like that yet knock on wood but i have been
00:48:27.040
humiliated a few times yeah i think it's natural i think right at this point i just have to embrace
00:48:33.460
it i feel it it's like we're all just living humiliation to humiliation lucky us we get to do
00:48:39.780
it in front of yeah millions of people all the time i felt when i went to the barbie premiere i
00:48:46.500
actually fell for the first time i felt twice not just once but twice and just in case i wasn't
00:48:52.000
humbled enough they had to do it to me the second time and when i fell the first time i wasn't on the
00:48:56.500
carpet it was like right before i got up there but i was like it's full it's fine it's fine uh and i
00:49:01.400
had a wig on slid to the back of my neck when i felt not fun don't love that second time i fell uh
00:49:07.620
we after because you know they make internet dickheads walk at peak sun hour because they're
00:49:12.460
like literally fuck you but post when you're there thank you so much love you yeah margot robbie's
00:49:17.140
walking at twice or at sundown you're gonna walk when the sun's at its highest and so then they like
00:49:22.440
took us to this little party and then they were like you could wait for the shuttle or you could
00:49:25.660
just walk back and i was like okay i guess i'll walk so my sister and i were walking we're walking
00:49:30.900
with other other people like over there walking back to the theater it's like in a flat comfortable
00:49:36.480
shoe it's probably like a three minute walk right uh in like a six inch platform and i've already
00:49:41.820
fallen once might as well have been an hour right so we're walking and like i'm like all right like
00:49:47.020
trying to fix my state i'm like i feel better after the fall everything's cool uh there's a guy
00:49:52.620
on the street like i'm like i can see the finish line like we're almost there the paparazzi yeah
00:49:57.200
there's a paparazzi on the street i've never been papped because i'm not nearly important enough
00:50:00.600
but he's taking pictures of everybody like walking right and i'm like oh like okay and my wig had
00:50:05.940
been sliding all day because again sweaty bitch so that following all of that i'm like trying to
00:50:09.820
fix my state and as we're walking he's like about to take my picture when i tell you i ate
00:50:14.840
shit so fucking hard that he literally was like and like turning like this like never mind
00:50:21.000
fucking forget it like she could not possibly be famous not walking like that i stood up and my
00:50:27.540
whole wig was like right here on the back of my head and my sister was like dude fix your hair
00:50:31.900
fix your hair yeah and so i pull it for it i'm like okay um that's awful that's so awful i'm like
00:50:36.540
trying to fix myself i get in line my there's only one couple behind us love them they're very sweet
00:50:41.760
it's actually jasmine um i forget her last name robbins do you know jasmine robbins i think so yeah
00:50:47.740
she's uh love her to death but she she was walking behind me and her and her partner were they're the
00:50:54.160
only ones who saw me fall uh-huh and they were like it's totally fine you look great they're like
00:50:57.900
hyping me up i'm like thanks girl love you you need those people that they have at like the
00:51:02.040
olympics when someone like breaks a leg and they like come out with little screens and form a circle
00:51:07.200
and then i literally was like thanks and we get in line and i my uh friend was like your leg is
00:51:16.240
bleeding yeah you're gushing i looked literally all down it looked like someone like took a machete to
00:51:22.660
my kneecap it's all down my leg i didn't even realize i cut my toe too because it was like an
00:51:27.940
open toe shoe uh-huh so my pinky toe was like sliced to death and it's being squeezed by the
00:51:33.940
shoe so the whole front of my shoe is soaked in blood it looks like i literally got cut by a knife
00:51:39.480
and i'm like oh okay so then i go to the security lady i'm like do you guys have like a band-aid
00:51:45.640
and i'm just gonna go to the bathroom and clean it uh-huh she was like you got that here i was like
00:51:49.900
well it was like right outside she goes call the medic call him and she's like screaming i would
00:51:55.000
be on the ground being like yeah who's i'm like hey girl do me a favor lower your voice immediately
00:52:01.220
um you don't need to yell that's totally fine i don't need a medic i don't need a medic i just
00:52:05.540
need a band-aid like you know what fuck it i'll just go to the bathroom and clean myself she's like
00:52:08.940
no no no you have to stay right here if you got hurt on the park you gotta stay right here
00:52:12.020
she's screaming for the medic uh they make me stand to the side i'm standing there humiliated uh and
00:52:18.640
humbled beyond belief and then they medic comes brings a wheelchair tells me to sit in it yeah
00:52:25.520
no i would have been milking that are you kidding me at the barbie premiere we're getting mattel money
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actually why they were like they wanted a detailed account right when i fell and how i fell and why i fell
00:53:39.540
and everything and they made me sit in that chair so they could clean up my life and i was like you
00:53:43.840
know what this is my last straw what if what if this is actually gonna be 13th reason like this is
00:53:50.160
actually gonna be the last movie i ever see thanks thanks for your help love you yeah so i feel it but
00:53:56.000
what an endorsement of barbie i love the movie though great movie definitely make this the last
00:54:02.660
movie i was like this movie better be the best movie i've ever seen in my life i swear to god
00:54:06.300
i'm gonna i'm gonna kill myself in front of greta garwick yeah in front of her forever changing
00:54:16.320
i know you talked touched on it earlier but you are a very successful and amazing stand-up comedian
00:54:28.800
so how long have you successful sure but you know amazing i'll take
00:54:33.660
how long have you been doing stand-up since 2016 so yeah i did those wine videos at buzzfeed and then
00:54:42.240
when i left i started doing stand-up and that has been yeah for the last seven years eight that's
00:54:49.100
like one of the things that i genuinely believe i'm like so scared to ever try something like that
00:54:54.620
because i i have so much respect for the art form it is so intimidating to me yeah um i yeah you just
00:55:02.120
drink a bottle of wine and then hope whatever you say is coherent right you don't accidentally get
00:55:09.060
canceled yeah no it yeah it is scary but it's it's fun it's fun when it goes well and then when it
00:55:15.840
doesn't yeah i question everything do you have any tips for any aspiring stand-up comedians
00:55:22.480
it's best practices it's literally like you have to be psychotic because like you are you could tell
00:55:30.260
the same exact jokes repeated like every day yeah multiple times a day and get wildly different
00:55:37.600
reactions and it's like really you just feel like you're going crazy because it's so dependent on like
00:55:42.540
the audience and like the vibe yeah so you really it's like don't take any one show to heart
00:55:49.540
yeah and like yeah you just have to do it a bunch just like kind of get your reps in yeah yeah that that is
00:55:56.420
very daunting to me because i've had obviously like i'm just a funny bitch on the internet but
00:56:00.780
like some people have asked me if i ever wanted to try stand-up which i love stand-up comedy so much
00:56:06.760
and i have friends who are famous like stand-up comedians too which i like kind of pick their
00:56:11.160
brains but i just i get so nervous about that because i i also am like i'm not a proud bitch in that sense
00:56:18.140
that like you can be funny that doesn't always mean you can be a stand-up comedian right by any stretch
00:56:24.040
like i've talked about that like terrible men on the internet like they they make one fat joke
00:56:28.740
about me and they're like should i quit my job um yeah call up the laugh factory i'm doing a type
00:56:35.620
vibe girl i'm getting started today you know what i mean that's the thing everybody thinks that they
00:56:40.260
can do it that's what i mean until there's a microphone in front of them i'm telling you yeah
00:56:44.520
and then they just get up there and talk about how much they hate their wife love that yeah there's
00:56:49.000
some famous comedians who will get up and talk about how much they hate their wives i'm like dude
00:56:53.880
yeah and i'm like do you only tour right bible bell or like what do you do how do you just tour
00:56:59.180
that in all the red states or how does that work i don't know sometimes yeah i don't want to name
00:57:03.900
names but yeah there has been some awkward moments where like someone will get up after i've been up
00:57:10.560
and yeah the audience is not wildly different reception to them i did do a college show yeah i don't know
00:57:18.400
who booked that show but it was me and chrystalia who could not be more different
00:57:23.580
polar fucking opposites yeah they're like just something for everyone
00:57:29.180
i mean it was it was just yeah nobody was there it was it was we do not have the same
00:57:37.100
demographic audiences like at all yeah i was also at like an aeronautical university
00:57:41.840
everyone was like the biggest nerd you've ever met literally the college like coordinator came up to me
00:57:49.400
beforehand and they were like these kids are like all virgins they were like they might not get
00:57:57.660
everything that you say like just and i was like okay it's like all these guys are fucking nerds but
00:58:02.640
they were literally it was like a school for rocket scientists like that was and then there was a
00:58:07.460
really big it was in florida and there was a really big bug on stage and that it was just yeah that
00:58:12.400
felt like a mad libs but the chat cleared so that's all that matters
00:58:16.200
really quickly i'm gonna read one of these because obviously we're talking to matt who's a successful
00:58:31.140
comedian i'm looking at the wrong camera at the status a successful comedian so we're gonna be
00:58:35.740
talking about like the rise of homophobic misogynistic comedians on tiktok like i just said
00:58:41.040
right we're like i they literally are like i'm gonna email lauren michaels tonight because i'm
00:58:46.720
so crazy to me because it's like i feel like all of these white male like straight cis comedians
00:58:53.320
we're getting away with saying some of this shit for the longest time like because there were not
00:58:57.720
cameras there exactly and now it's like social media at all right yeah now you're really just
00:59:02.480
posting this with your full chest and yeah and then they're like and i'm gonna be famous so right
00:59:07.800
they're not worried not even a little bit honestly at some point i'm like those two brain cells are
00:59:14.120
working for you right because they're like i'm so awesome like it's just the delusion is so so intense
00:59:21.140
that i'm like i can't even break you out of that there's not room for any other intelligence
00:59:24.980
no really just nope just fat jokes ego cells yeah it's like fat jokes misogynistic jokes homophobic
00:59:30.640
jokes you know what i mean like a real listen have we all told a homophobic joke or two yeah
00:59:39.080
depends on who it's coming from if i'm being honest like so okay this first video that we have uh in
00:59:47.420
this video a male and female comedian are having a roast battle the guy's roast is she has a manly face
00:59:54.580
and shitty tits but you can tell she's a woman because she sucks at comedy
00:59:59.280
roasted gotcha bitch you're ugly and not funny right and you have shitty tits i'm sure he also
01:00:09.920
has giant tits i don't even have a video of it but shitty tits and what does that constitute i guess
01:00:17.980
it depends huh yeah i like how men say that as if they're picky when it comes to tits you know i mean
01:00:22.660
right it's the same kind of thing when they're like oh i hate when women have fake tits and i'm
01:00:26.040
like you're telling me if you had a big fair big pair of fake tits in your face floppy fake tits
01:00:31.840
you're gonna be like hold on a second are those real yeah no wrap it up get out of here you disgust
01:00:36.980
me fucking liar okay so these comments this one says woke female comics less funny than
01:00:44.460
must female comics i'm assuming he meant most um clearly grammar is yeah no clearly he's jacking
01:00:51.640
off with one hand so you're not gonna spell it right can't do both i see her source material is
01:00:57.740
cnn i'm like uh good good good good ragging on cnn is the stupidest thing like they literally are
01:01:06.400
doing whatever they're like not on anybody's side they're like reporting the news like he's like
01:01:13.500
they're supposed to yeah okay uh this one says these comments are so liberal i'm surprised they
01:01:21.080
aren't asking for someone to pay their college debt well you don't need to worry about that because you
01:01:26.160
won't get into college so it's not a big deal i mean you don't need an application you know to work
01:01:30.380
at five guys so i think you're okay yeah i just shake shack requires so i'm always shocked when i read
01:01:36.540
comments like that that are like i cannot believe you're you're like saying this out loud for other
01:01:42.620
people to read this is not like this is not your group chat i know like i always think like objectively
01:01:50.880
speaking this is not funny like it's it's honestly violently unfunny i when when men try to make fun of
01:01:56.780
me it's just like nothing but fat and ugly right and i'm bored give me something else like some guy
01:02:03.500
told me he told me a very descriptive it was like a fat ugly girl like that's what he was you know
01:02:09.960
you look like and i was like well you look like your neck looks stretched out like one of those
01:02:15.240
rubber chickens so now what your turn you go first and then you go and then i go and then yeah we all
01:02:21.540
had fun at the end of the day right right i feel like to some extent like even with me i i like made
01:02:27.200
a video recently because men are like they always try to like make fun of me roast me whatever but i
01:02:32.160
always tell them i'm like if i'm being completely 100 honest like you guys can't keep up with me
01:02:37.260
like mentally um i lap you at least four times and it's boring yeah but all of that being said
01:02:43.240
i'm like i just feel like it's so surface level right right you know what i mean like i gotta tell
01:02:51.160
you you gotta tell me a joke that's really gonna stick with me right exactly like there is a 12 year
01:02:55.620
old girl on the internet who can cut me deeper than anything a man could say for sure oh shit i've
01:03:02.180
gotten like backhanded compliments that are the meanest things i've ever heard in my fucking life
01:03:09.180
like like in my entire like i will never ever forget that and she was being nice yeah so like
01:03:15.760
you intentionally trying to hurt my feelings like it just it doesn't i was a directioner and period me
01:03:22.200
yeah trust me you're a hairy girl of course obviously there is nothing that anybody could
01:03:28.100
say that like a one direction fan has not already cut me to the bone with girl they are mean as hell
01:03:34.660
casper the faggot ghost was my favorite i was like okay work actually you said damn bitch you kind
01:03:44.240
of got me a little bit i had a girl i got interviewed by people magazine on a carpet and i was wearing a
01:03:51.580
see-through dress and like my titties were out and up you know what i'm saying they looked great in
01:03:55.500
my opinion uh they interviewed me the clip was maybe 15 seconds uh there was a woman in the comments
01:04:02.380
there's only four she's one of them the other three are bots and she's at least 60 years old i could
01:04:09.200
that's not a joke like i saw her picture i looked at her content and she wrote are you serious look at
01:04:16.500
those flapjacks referring to my tits first of all right look at those flapjacks who dressed this girl
01:04:23.400
unbelievable and i said damn bitch like you kind of got me shit i wouldn't look at what she looked
01:04:30.840
like i said oh my god i said you kind of ate me up girl yeah you got me just a little bit sometimes
01:04:37.100
they're like damn girl i was like and the fact that she just did it and i'm like she doesn't follow
01:04:43.460
people like she doesn't give a fuck about like it's just drive by hate yeah that's worse yeah far
01:04:50.540
far and away i kind of love that for her though like she can kind of say whatever she wants that's
01:04:55.860
what i'm like you know what real recognize real you got me you literally got i saw this tweet once
01:05:01.120
where this girl she like wrote something very profound about um like the jonah hill situation with
01:05:07.160
his girlfriend whatever and she was like this is there's a larger conversation to be had about
01:05:11.440
misogyny and weaponizing therapizing language she wrote something very profound um and very smart
01:05:16.400
and very nuanced and that this guy was like you would say that you fucking fatherless bitch like
01:05:21.300
this troll dude and she responded to that tweet and i literally saved it to my phone because it made
01:05:27.220
me laugh so hard i started crying she wrote shut the fuck up before i fuck your dad and give him a son
01:05:31.560
he can actually be proud of and i was like the way i read that i was like i will kill myself if
01:05:37.980
someone wrote that to me yeah i was like honestly i'm pissed off i didn't think of it uh-huh i said
01:05:43.540
that shit stuck with me and she wasn't talking to me i'm my jaws on the ground yeah shout out to
01:05:50.760
you girl some people are some people are killing it and she was a woman yeah the meanest bitch is a
01:05:56.700
mean people gay people right and teenage girls there you go the meanest people no one can ever
01:06:02.580
that's why their feelings don't get hurt that's true it's a girl going through it already it's easy
01:06:07.860
to shake a man uh straight man someone called me a fruitcake recently and i was like okay we're going
01:06:13.200
vintage with our slurs old school tbc yeah you really pulled that one out of the vault that is
01:06:20.660
really old he's like it made me chuckle you know like sometimes you guys stick with old
01:06:24.360
reliables yeah like right steady consistent homophobic language there you go yeah a slur
01:06:31.780
is a slur at the end of the day yeah my mom did recently ask me if gay marriage was legal and i
01:06:38.760
so i was like some people are just really i was like you have you know you have a gay son right
01:06:43.980
a little bit behind right it's been legal for like a decade actually a little bit behind but other than
01:06:51.140
yeah okay just to round us out i guess what i will ask you is like when it comes to
01:06:58.240
creating like um you know an act like a like an hour or even like a five or ten um what would you
01:07:06.960
say you think is the most important thing when you're like trying to write a stand-up like bit
01:07:12.740
or set or whatever like what would you say is your best advice to like cultivate something that
01:07:17.980
is true to them could be successful um i feel like it's just like just start writing stuff like
01:07:30.560
write more than you think and then like cut back okay yeah that was always like when i worked at
01:07:37.620
buzzfeed even before i did video stuff with buzzfeed i was just writing like listicles you know the cat
01:07:43.140
cat videos and stuff like that and it was always like yeah write 30 things and then then you compare
01:07:51.360
it down to like the best five or ten yeah so it's always like do way more than you think and then cut
01:07:57.340
it down to get to the good stuff yeah because that's always like especially when you're thinking of like
01:08:03.200
really specific like i don't know the worst things about being a new yorker or something yeah like
01:08:11.640
if you're gonna write a list of 40 things you know that the last like five things that you write
01:08:16.520
are gonna be the most specific yeah you're like digging down deep oh yeah yeah okay because yeah
01:08:22.520
it's so it's like get all the general stuff out of the way first and then get to the real specific
01:08:26.980
stuff period i don't know that was that was a very selfish question of mine because i want to know
01:08:32.500
so i can start practicing i like make lists yeah and like yeah make a long one and cut out the general
01:08:40.060
stuff and get to the real specific stuff yeah because i i feel like even too with some of my
01:08:44.520
comedian friends like we've talked about how like a lot of comedy is derivative especially online
01:08:50.700
so it's hard to find like original sources right or original source material so like you know
01:08:56.820
sometimes things stick in your brain and you're like have i did i hear that joke from somebody else
01:09:00.860
or did i make that joke up yeah so like that's why i asked like to get started right but that makes
01:09:07.120
sense to like pick a topic and kind of like make a really really long list of things that are fun
01:09:11.680
yeah about it and i mean obviously like stuff from your own life yeah yeah because nobody can copy that
01:09:18.380
period if so if there was another version of me like a clone of me i hope that's the person who
01:09:27.280
fell at the barbie premiere not me right i don't know exactly i don't know her at all you're the one
01:09:31.760
who pushed her down exactly exactly that was me i hope you got that on camera honestly not me falling
01:09:37.860
okay so that's gonna do it for our episode today uh mr matt bellasai yeah everybody find you i also
01:09:49.200
have a podcast period it's called dis and tell it's about celebrity feuds so we talk about like we dive
01:09:57.120
deep and do a bunch of big celebrity rivalries so we've done like black china and the kardashians
01:10:04.240
and naomi campbell and tyra banks that's a good one will smith and chris rock so that's on wherever
01:10:11.000
you get your podcasts and wondering plus love amazing and then i'm on the internet yeah just
01:10:17.160
at matt bellasai period i make tiktoks sometimes but they're they're nothing compared to yours
01:10:22.500
i'm sure they're everything to be honest they're everything to me because i love you thank you and
01:10:28.160
i adore you thank you so much for coming on the episode today and thank you all for watching us
01:10:32.720
for those of you that remember or maybe don't new episodes of the comment section drop every wednesday
01:10:38.300
and you can watch the video for free on spotify where you can stream the audio anywhere you get
01:10:43.040
your podcast thank you so much for joining us on this episode thank you to my amazing guest matt
01:10:47.620
bellasai make sure y'all follow him and go see him and stand up do stand up make sure you listen to
01:10:53.460
his podcast all those things you guys know it's too and thank you so much for joining us and i'll see