THE ART OF ROASTING ft. Bob The Drag Queen ｜ Drew Afualo ｜ THE COMMENT SECTION EP 61
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 14 minutes
Words per Minute
210.80083
Summary
Bob the Drag Queen joins Jemele to discuss her love for Wendy Williams and the height differences between men and women in the entertainment industry. She also explains why she thinks RuPaul would beat up her boyfriend if he was half her height.
Transcript
00:00:13.980
Rupaul's barely beating bone density this morning.
00:00:21.580
Hey everyone, and welcome back to another episode
00:00:23.760
of the comment section show starring me, your fave.
00:00:27.780
On to everyone's favorite part of every episode,
00:00:32.200
Today I have the iconic, the legendary, Bob the Drag Queen.
00:00:42.160
I really feel like this is the very early stages
00:00:51.380
I'm going to be like, you know, I did the comment section.
00:00:56.400
And now she's on the Emmy Award winning hit talk show.
00:01:13.820
They wouldn't replace Wendy with something like Wendy.
00:01:17.880
But then you remember my favorite clip of Wendy.
00:01:19.340
We were going, well I would actually all respect my privacy,
00:01:57.360
Well that makes sense to me because she's a model too.
00:02:17.320
I was at a party and we were looking, I was like, we were looking in each other's eyes.
00:02:21.800
I was like, this is a, she was on the dance floor all night, like twisted, going crazy.
00:02:27.340
You know, when I went to, when I was at the Oscars recently, I saw Nicole Kidman, she's
00:02:39.600
When you get to Hollywood, listen to me, you gotta realize that a lot of the women are
00:02:47.940
I was just saying that to my sister the other day.
00:02:50.120
I was like, I think what would shock you is how small people are.
00:02:53.700
Like when you meet them in, in whether it's like A-list or like influencer or anyone in
00:03:14.240
RuPaul's barely beating bone density at this point.
00:03:22.860
RuPaul's just like, she doesn't have a violent bone.
00:03:29.400
Now that I'm older, when I was younger, I was a lot more unhinged.
00:03:34.280
What's the last time you were in like a fight fight, like hit someone?
00:03:39.980
Well, I heard a slap come from her dressing room this morning.
00:03:51.680
And the guy walked out and said, honestly, I shouldn't have put sugar in the coffee.
00:03:56.340
When you say that to me, I'm like, legally, you're not allowed to ask me that.
00:03:59.080
And then the camera just cuts and I come back and I'm like buttoned up.
00:04:07.220
I think the last time I got into a physical altercation, I was doing a drag show.
00:04:10.900
This was maybe, maybe like six years ago, I was doing a drag show.
00:04:14.800
And this guy jumped up and grabbed me during my show.
00:04:24.080
No, it was, I don't know what it was out of, but I know he would not let me go.
00:04:27.880
And yeah, it was just him being weird and he was drunk.
00:04:33.500
Were you doing like standup or were you performing?
00:04:37.880
So I wasn't like able to be, people couldn't hear me.
00:04:40.140
So it was just me and this guy going back and forth while the song was playing.
00:04:47.120
And I was like, get off me, get off me, get off me.
00:04:49.920
And then I was, him and I were like struggling.
00:04:51.920
And then you just see me like take him down, which I didn't want to.
00:04:56.440
I really, I don't, I don't see myself as like a fighter.
00:05:03.420
And it's like, yeah, fucking get his ass pussy.
00:05:13.580
Because I think men are creepy weirdos at all times.
00:05:16.600
So I feel like if you give me a chance to hit you, I'm going to.
00:05:19.040
Like, I'm really bad at impersonations, but I do them all the time.
00:05:27.760
No one knew, because they're always, they're always so bad.
00:05:30.800
Has anyone been working on a Drew impersonation?
00:05:48.940
And then a lot of times it comes off as the wrong race.
00:06:02.760
If I was going to do a Drew, I would start with a raspberry.
00:06:23.220
Because you're going to be like, well, what is it?
00:06:45.580
Brigitte Nielsen is, oh, wasn't she a model though?
00:06:49.720
Well, I feel like when they're models, I'm like, oh, well, that makes sense.
00:06:56.940
I mean, if you've been paid, if someone's paid to take your picture, you're a model.
00:07:11.240
If I were to refer to myself as a model, they'd be like, yeah, right.
00:07:14.260
Since we're new models, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:08:06.640
And then when Exhibit gives you your car back, he's like...
00:08:11.840
There's 96 goldfish in the fishbowl in your seat.
00:08:16.300
And also, your steering wheel is replaced by real fish.
00:08:24.980
You mentioned one time you used to like horses, and then they give you an equestrian-themed
00:08:35.660
I went to, like, one debate TikTok, and now I...
00:08:41.980
Like, TikTok's like, oh, I see you like to argue.
00:08:46.020
But then I got into this one argument last night, and it was, like, wild.
00:08:56.020
But I was on the TikTok of someone who was exhibiting some characteristics of transphobia.
00:09:03.260
My best friend taught me to stop saying that people are things, but they have certain
00:09:08.580
My friend, shout out to Peppermint for teaching me that in life.
00:09:11.380
But they were showing some transphobic behavior.
00:09:14.360
And I was, like, trying to talk, but, like, have you ever done one of these live debates
00:09:20.780
I went live one time on TikTok, and that was before I, like, really, really took off.
00:09:32.540
I'd be trudging through the trenches if I did a live now, because all the men who hate follow
00:09:41.700
I would venture to say that all the guys who hate follow you are really attracted to you.
00:09:49.380
They want a big lady to, like, bully them around.
00:09:57.360
Yeah, they started asking me to, like, berate them for money.
00:10:12.600
All the ones, they're doing it to get a reaction out of you, because especially once you drop
00:10:32.120
I've been asked that, too, about, like, my boyfriend, as well.
00:10:35.720
Like, they would like both of us to do it to them.
00:10:40.660
And he's, like, he's, like, what they perceive as, like, an alpha man, like, a strong...
00:10:47.680
So they, like, they've asked for both of us to do things, to, like, to berate them or
00:10:56.460
They're like, don't get up until I'm motionless.
00:11:01.940
I'm going to need a lot more money and a lot more convincing to BH.
00:11:09.900
Even then, that's why I said, that's why I stopped doing Cameo.
00:11:17.500
Because, you know, I mean, when I used to tip around New York City in drag, especially
00:11:21.060
when I'm all done up with hair and everything, I'm very big.
00:11:28.220
And you can see the gleam in their eyes when they...
00:11:43.740
And, you know, if you have mommy issues, and if you...
00:11:49.700
But you can't be awful and also exhibit those behaviors.
00:11:54.720
Like, you can't be outwardly awful and then also have those deep-seated things.
00:12:01.260
Part of it, though, I also think is, like, a fetish.
00:12:07.840
They fetishize, like, minority people in general who are, like, big, aggressive, mean.
00:12:17.520
Sometimes I'm like, I am big, aggressive, and mean.
00:12:28.100
Speaking of, though, which we're kind of already doing, but you're also really known for being
00:12:38.160
Also, doing it in the drag world, you're, like, an Olympic level, I feel like.
00:12:44.060
If you could do it in the drag world, I feel like you could do it to anybody.
00:12:47.760
Yeah, I'm pretty good at roasting, even to the point where, like, a lot of the times,
00:12:51.020
there was this tour called the Haters Roast, where the drag queens would all get together
00:13:01.980
And even when I wasn't doing the show, queens would pay me to write their roast for them.
00:13:09.760
I've written for maybe, like, three or four different drag queens who've done them.
00:13:17.240
You know, I think it was when I was really young I realized that I was good at making
00:13:26.960
I've been the same height since I was in seventh grade.
00:13:45.760
So imagine if I was 115 pounds lighter than I am.
00:13:55.920
I was a full head and shoulders above everyone in my school.
00:13:59.260
I had this big afro, and I was, like, I was dark-skinned.
00:14:02.080
I didn't go to all-black school, so it wasn't, like, I wasn't the only black kid there.
00:14:05.520
But because I was such a target, and I was so gay, I had to let people realize, like,
00:14:10.060
if you make fun of me, you will not walk away unscathed.
00:14:12.640
Like, if you make fun of me, you're going to lose.
00:14:16.340
So, you're, like, you don't want to jones with Caldwell.
00:14:19.020
You do not want to try to roast me because, like,
00:14:31.340
We're all gathered around, and I'm going to go by school, so we love to...
00:14:36.860
Also, getting made fun of in front of a crowd like that,
00:14:41.020
If you can't survive, you're not making it out.
00:14:45.380
I would say starting in, like, maybe seventh grade.
00:14:50.880
When you're really horrible, this is really bad.
00:15:15.500
making fun of me for being gay and faggoty and this, that, and the other,
00:15:25.780
You know, when you're in class, you're trapped.
00:15:28.020
Sometimes when you're in the class, you're trapped with your bully.
00:15:56.980
And I was like, f***ing late into him on this pimple.
00:16:11.480
And then he, like, shut down and got, like, really quiet.
00:17:18.960
Because, I mean, every day for a month, this guy had nicknames for me.
00:17:31.460
I'm not looking to, like, abdicate myself or, you know, write myself in the wrongs.
00:17:44.600
And those of you who are just listening, you need to just go watch the episode because...
00:18:18.940
I thought you were going to say, like, five years.
00:18:27.200
Did I arrive during the school year in seventh grade?
00:18:48.820
But having afflictions doesn't make you a better person.
00:18:52.740
If you're a monster and you end up, like, you know, breaking your legs,
00:19:13.600
Is this handcraft or is this like an Etsy thing?
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I was going to ask you, though, what would you say is your go-to when you're trying to
00:20:51.820
roast someone, whether it's, like, we'll do two categories, like a friend, like someone
00:20:55.780
that you love, and then someone that you, like, hate, someone that's just awful.
00:21:00.260
Well, I think that with a roast, if it's like a show, if it's an actual show, because I tend
00:21:07.620
to roast people that I, you know, really, really appreciate, and you, it's really always
00:21:11.760
fun when you take something, and you, if people don't see the bit coming from a mile
00:21:19.180
away, that's when you usually get the best reaction.
00:21:23.380
When they don't, when they didn't realize that the joke was going to go in the direction
00:21:31.160
And if you listen to my, my podcast is Sibling Rivalry, and me and my best friend are constantly
00:21:38.320
roasting each other, and Monet X Change is, I mean, it's silly stuff, like, from the fact
00:21:43.440
that, like, Monet X Change, one day I just realized that we didn't grow up in the same
00:21:48.980
Like, I didn't realize that Monet grew up rich, and I grew up poor, and I had, but I just thought
00:21:56.380
We have so much in common, and I realized that Monet is, like, grew up like this f***ing
00:22:04.740
So, so, now the, the fans have started commenting and stuff, like, Monet called one, Monet's mom
00:22:10.060
called during the podcast one time, and then, and then the fans were like, you know, you
00:22:14.320
should answer, the comments were like, answer, your mom's trying to tell you that the maid
00:22:19.660
And I don't know why they just tickled me so much, because, I think that was, maybe that
00:22:23.580
was my defense mechanism, being like, I did not realize that we, like, it was, it was
00:22:27.840
like, it was giving, you know, rich, rich dad, poor dad kind of thing.
00:22:35.580
I love to, uh, take a joke and, and, and kind of spin it.
00:22:39.180
And that's what makes a roast, like an actual roast show.
00:22:42.580
In my opinion, what makes it great is that everyone there is in on it.
00:22:48.860
Everyone in the audience has agreed to watch it, and the people in the, in, in, or on the
00:22:54.260
dais have agreed, they're like, I'm going to let you say really horrible things about
00:22:58.200
me that normally wouldn't be said in other places.
00:23:06.440
There is stuff I wouldn't say, there is stuff I say in a roast that I would not say to someone.
00:23:11.580
Yeah, or just like, if you're having casual conversation, or if it's like a regular interview
00:23:19.220
Like, typically speaking, if I'm talking, if I'm like, if me and my friends make fun of
00:23:21.960
each other, I would, I would, I would never make fun of my friends' bodies.
00:23:28.160
Well, now, I used to do this when I was younger, but I've just, I've grown over the years.
00:23:31.900
I wouldn't make fun of your, I wouldn't make fun of something you can't change in the next
00:23:37.800
I mean, I'll make fun of your outfit, I'll make fun of like a hair choice you made, not
00:23:41.480
like, not even like a hair, if you got like a horrible haircut, I'm like, I'll wait till
00:23:45.060
it grows out, and then once it grows out, I'll be like, you remember the time.
00:23:47.680
Yeah, you remember the time you had the bangs from, you know, the Yolandi fissure bangs,
00:23:53.760
So choices they made, things they say, things they do.
00:24:03.080
Yeah, there's like, I've had men, see, my thing with, like, obviously my whole platform
00:24:09.040
is like roasting terrible shithead dudes, but like, every time it's like, it's consensual
00:24:14.460
to an extent, because you chose to make fun of someone else, so I'm assuming that you're
00:24:19.320
And a lot of times when I make fun of them, they get mad at me, because they're like,
00:24:23.460
well, that's just so mean, that's body shaming.
00:24:26.180
And I'm like, well, it wasn't body shaming when you did it, but it's body shaming when I
00:24:30.220
Like, so then they'll make fun of my body and what I look like.
00:24:33.000
And they're like, what if I said this about you?
00:24:51.720
I just feel like if you're so open to commenting on other people's bodies with no provocation,
00:24:57.660
like, they didn't bother you, they didn't do anything to you, I figure you're cool with
00:25:03.880
If you're going to call someone fat online, especially as if it's an insult, the word fat
00:25:12.060
If you're using it as a pejorative, and you're trying to make fun of someone's body, you cannot
00:25:16.140
be shocked when someone makes fun of the fact that you live in L.A., but your hairline
00:25:20.520
And this is coming from someone who has the affliction of baldness myself.
00:25:39.540
I know a barber who's really good, and he does, like, great hairpieces.
00:25:44.040
I saw they do that knee surgery, too, to make you, like, two inches taller.
00:25:48.300
Well, you know, the thing about balding is, like, when you lose your hair, you realize
00:25:53.680
that, like, you have this, like, really short window where you can fix it.
00:25:57.340
And some of us are, we, like, we lost our hair before the technology was good.
00:26:05.600
And when you catch a guy, and you get him right in the ball spot, and he's like, oh,
00:26:26.300
Sometimes I'll tell them to just say that it's thinning, even if it's not.
00:26:29.940
Because they're going to think about that forever.
00:26:31.920
They're going to go in the home, and they're going to be like, it's not thinning.
00:26:36.280
Especially, like, no, no, no, like, right in these areas.
00:26:38.260
Like, if you look here, it looks, it's giving, um.
00:26:41.140
Yeah, it's giving, it's giving Jack Nicholson in Joker.
00:26:44.760
But it, but it looks, but it looks, and then hit him with a, but it looks good on you.
00:26:49.520
You tell him, I wish I was as confident as you to rock that.
00:27:00.220
And I think that a lot of guys who are also losing their hair, also, that's an important word.
00:27:03.820
A lot of guys who are also losing their hair, they're going to look up to you and say, I, too, can leave the house, despite how little hair I have.
00:27:13.680
It's nice to see yourself represented in media.
00:27:17.340
I bet when you were a kid and you watched Caillou, you were like, that's me.
00:27:21.900
I looked staring down the barrel of the future.
00:27:27.840
I mean, there are times, like, I'm trying to think, have I ever, have I ever, like, roasted someone that I don't care for?
00:27:33.040
I mean, maybe, um, uh, former president, future ex-convict Donald Trump.
00:27:39.300
Um, but outside of that, I, most of my roasting is, uh, typically.
00:27:48.520
I mean, I have roasted people who are, who I don't necessarily, like, love.
00:27:52.100
Like, I, I, I did, I probably, I can say, can I say this?
00:28:00.240
And there were, like, a lot of comedians on that day as who I didn't necessarily know.
00:28:03.320
But it was a professional setting where we all agreed.
00:28:06.880
You don't have a personal, like, in a personal relationship with them.
00:28:09.820
So, I will, I will roast people that I don't necessarily love.
00:28:12.320
But, but it is, but I do have a professional respect for them in their craft.
00:28:16.140
I think, like, too, with, um, with roasting, I've told people this before, because some
00:28:20.540
people have asked me, like, how do I get good or fast, like, quick at, at, at, like,
00:28:25.480
And I was, like, honestly, I think reps, to be honest, like, just consistently do it.
00:28:30.600
I've done it since, like, you were, when you were younger, just like me, too.
00:28:37.760
I did that, not quite like that, but I did that also.
00:28:42.780
Um, it's just, like, getting made fun of all the time and, like, joking with people all
00:28:46.460
But I said, more than anything, you have to learn how to take a joke.
00:28:49.320
Like, if they, the same way that you dish, you have to be able to take it, which I think
00:28:54.440
Like, all the dudes who f***ing hate me and want to talk s*** about me, um, they cannot
00:28:59.480
I'm like, I thought we were having a silly, goofy time.
00:29:01.660
I love to goof, I love to gaff, I love to laugh, you know what I mean?
00:29:07.260
Well, the strange thing, too, like, whenever I do one of their roasts, like, I really have
00:29:12.700
no qualms with anyone coming for, I mean, whenever I, I find that, typically speaking at a roast,
00:29:18.300
roasting someone's physical appearance is a lot less me than roasting their essence.
00:29:23.200
Like, if I make fun of you for being short, versus making fun of you for just being who
00:29:36.800
You're exactly who you are, if that makes sense.
00:29:39.180
One of my favorite, one of my favorite roasts I saw was, uh, I can't remember what roast
00:29:43.700
it was, they got up, and they just, like, read off a bunch of things about the person.
00:29:48.100
They were like, none of your friends like to be around you, you're a bad person, you don't
00:29:51.680
tip at restaurants, there's a reason why none of your exes talk to you, um, you've, you've
00:29:56.260
not, you won't be invited back to any of your jobs, and they just kind of read all these
00:29:59.840
things off, but it wasn't anything about their physical appearance, and I'm like, damn, bitch,
00:30:08.460
My, my, for me, I feel like the worst they say about me is like, oh, like, well, to me,
00:30:15.000
I, when they say things like, oh, if I, you know, if I had sex with this girl, if I
00:30:21.380
f*** this girl, if I did this, if I was dating her, if I did that, I'm like, I'd rather you
00:30:31.280
Cosplaying a relationship with me, that's the rudest thing you could ever say to me.
00:30:33.840
Oh my god, that's what they're, they're, they're.
00:30:41.960
That, that is more offensive to me than just calling me fat, ugly bitch.
00:30:47.180
No, that's cool, that's cool, I'm cool with that, but you saying things about like, if
00:30:51.940
Like, why would I ever lay in the same bed as you?
00:30:58.500
I love leaning into the microphone to try to make my point more poignant.
00:31:03.140
I think like, yeah, there's like a, a level of, there's levels of roasting too, because
00:31:09.760
I've talked about, sometimes I'll do roasting and I'll make jokes and sometimes they're like,
00:31:13.380
oh, you left out something super obvious, but it always has to do with their physical
00:31:16.760
appearance, and I'm always like, that's too easy, that's too easy.
00:31:20.280
Calling them short and bald is funny because it bothers them every time.
00:31:23.200
That's the only reason, like, I've said, that's only funny to me because it still bothers you.
00:31:28.360
As soon as it stops bothering you, I'll retire it.
00:31:31.780
There's a clip of that, that there's like a lady in a truck, and there's a guy standing
00:31:36.620
outside, and he's like yelling at her, and then he's like, like.
00:31:41.860
Yeah, he's like calling her, you're fat, you're ugly.
00:31:43.520
And she's just like, she doesn't even, she just goes, you're literally bald.
00:31:49.640
And something in his brain, he's like, he's like.
00:32:02.960
And also the crazy thing is like, as if he did not know.
00:32:12.860
And also for like bald guys, this is from, listen, like bald guys, this is someone from
00:32:20.360
Like when you're bald, do you, and you're like doing witchcraft and macrame and, uh, you
00:32:34.300
But then also I never understood the bald people, the bald guys who, man, this is your, up to
00:32:50.560
You spent all this time putting on a full, you put on the whole suit.
00:32:57.060
You tied your, you brushed your teeth, which means you had to look in the mirror.
00:33:07.360
You saw you have hair here and back there, but there's nothing on top.
00:33:21.540
Do what I did in the hotel and do it and let it go.
00:33:34.220
People wouldn't even be able to tell from up close.
00:33:37.060
There's even ones I've seen where they glue it on their head and then they have people
00:33:42.780
I just don't know why you would wear that hairstyle.
00:33:52.860
And then he stands up and then they go, final looks, last looks.
00:33:59.540
And then someone looks and goes, you look good.
00:34:27.080
And he, like, starts fights and then, like, watches them unfold.
00:34:32.040
Yeah, and then says stuff like, well, listen, doesn't matter how, how flat you cook a pancake,
00:34:38.560
And then says, like, really weird, like, southern.
00:34:54.600
You're like, if Dr. Phil has one hater, it's me.
00:34:59.300
Like, Dr. Phil's show, it has to come off the air.
00:35:09.040
And all the people that come off the show that, like, open up later about how he, like, verbally
00:35:13.960
and mentally abused them, both on the show and after the show, I'm like, that's crazy.
00:35:18.700
I have a Google Drive folder full of roast jokes that I've written.
00:35:26.600
About famous people or just, or, like, over your professional thing?
00:35:33.500
And maybe, Devilana, I'll read you some of my roast jokes.
00:35:39.440
I think, too, that's why I told you, like, if you can roast in the world of drag,
00:35:43.840
I feel like your skin's bulletproof at this point.
00:35:48.540
I mean, there's nothing you can say about me that, you know, that.
00:35:52.760
I've said that, like, I'm sure, I don't know if you get this question a lot, because
00:35:55.800
obviously you've made a literal living off of roasting, too, and you currently do now.
00:36:00.480
But, like, do people ever ask you, like, how do you not, like, let things bother you?
00:36:05.180
How do you not let hate bother you or whatever?
00:36:10.920
I would rather them ask that question than people, you know what I really don't, like,
00:36:20.620
When people say stuff like, when people call you, like, brave, or, like, how do you go out
00:36:29.560
It's like, wow, I love that you put yourself on the internet.
00:36:38.720
Every once in a while someone gets me off, catch me off guard.
00:36:42.600
I was at a bar in Seattle, Washington called Our Place.
00:36:46.040
And this guy came up to me and he goes, he goes, you know what I love about you, Bob?
00:36:56.360
And he goes, for you, it's about the performance.
00:37:00.860
And then he goes, you don't care what you look like.
00:37:14.700
What made it so crazy, he thought he was giving me the highest company.
00:37:20.880
You look like this and you go out there with so much confidence and that inspires me.
00:37:32.800
You're like, I looked my absolute best at that point.
00:37:40.780
Because they're like, has anyone ever said a roast about you that actually hurt your feelings?
00:37:45.640
The people who read me the house down are the people who love me the most.
00:37:49.780
They'll say the things with such love and adoration and she scalps me, bitch.
00:37:55.860
I literally had a girl come up to me once with her friend.
00:38:14.700
And, you know, I saw you, but I wasn't sure if it was you.
00:38:17.780
She goes, yeah, because you're like way prettier in person.
00:38:23.720
And she said it with so much emphasis on way that it caught me off guard.
00:38:27.920
So it's just that, like, whenever you come on TikTok, it's like it's a jump scare.
00:38:36.760
So that's why she goes, that's literally why I didn't come up to you.
00:39:04.480
I was telling her, by the way, that was so rude to her friend.
00:39:11.980
And her friend goes, well, I didn't mean it that way.
00:39:14.460
And I was like, see, I don't want to be in part of this conversation anymore.
00:39:22.540
I'd like if you guys didn't need me for this conversation.
00:39:26.200
Imagine if she took the picture with you and was like, oh, there's it you right now.
00:39:43.660
So Kim Chi, someone came up to Kim Chi at a meet and greet.
00:39:48.560
And they came and they said, I just want you to know that Valentina makes me proud to be Mexican.
00:39:56.640
And Kim was just looking and Kim was just so caught off guard.
00:40:01.560
Kim was because Kim, Kim didn't know where this was going.
00:40:06.820
Kim and the person goes, and you make me proud to be fat.
00:40:17.820
That was never part of Kim's story on drag race or anything.
00:40:40.120
But at a rose, it hit her heart's my feeling because I knew what I was signing up for.
00:40:48.380
And honestly, when you get me with a joke that I've never heard, I love it.
00:40:54.280
If I'm at a roast and you get me with a joke that I've never heard before, you hit me with something.
00:41:01.080
Because if you're going to call me black or you're going to call me gay, you're going to say I look like a man in drag.
00:41:09.980
Yeah, every once in a while someone gets me with something that's completely brand new.
00:41:19.520
Yeah, like, where I died and people were at my funeral and they roasted me.
00:41:24.200
And Spencer, like, Spensois, he came as, like, a guest star.
00:41:31.140
Like, I loved how, like, everyone else, I think, sometimes I think people are afraid to be mean to me.
00:41:38.780
Yeah, like, do you know Leo Gonzalez on TikTok?
00:41:45.120
I'm going to look at his picture while you talk.
00:41:54.860
And the two of us literally roasted each other for, like, ten minutes.
00:41:59.740
But he said some of the meanest shit I've ever heard in my life to me.
00:42:03.740
Like, he told me I looked like I, if I worked in a mall, I looked like I worked at those kiosks in the middle of the mall that sell neon signs.
00:42:18.600
Because he says mean shit that, like, you would never think of that also has nothing to do with looks.
00:42:25.400
Robin Tran is a, ironically, she's a trans comedian.
00:42:30.940
And she, pretty early in her transition, she's a comedian before she publicly transitioned.
00:42:39.940
And then, so, she does these roasts that are just, like, vicious.
00:42:52.120
And they come at her with some pretty, you know, vitriolic stuff as well.
00:42:58.840
One of my favorite reads was from Naomi Smalls.
00:43:00.960
Naomi Smalls had a great read for Derrick Barry on our season.
00:43:03.860
She goes, because Derrick Barry, Naomi Smalls was like, you gotta have, listen, if you're under this, you have to have thick skin.
00:43:09.960
And then, and then, and then, Derrick Barry, yeah, and it looks like you have thick skin.
00:43:16.460
And then, and then Naomi says, and you have thin hair.
00:43:20.660
And the, the speed with which she said that, the, it was, it was how fast she said it.
00:43:28.100
It was like Derrick Barry didn't even finish the sentence.
00:43:33.540
And the worst that you can do, if you have like a, like a roast back and forth, once you get the whole room to like laugh at that person.
00:43:45.380
I think too, like, I would love, I've, I've had people ask me like, can you go on tour and roast people?
00:43:50.380
And I was like, I mean, I guess, but like, you would have to consent to it.
00:43:55.080
And also if you're a fan of mine, I don't want to make too much fun of you.
00:43:59.620
Like when you're known for being funny, people will be like, read me.
00:44:10.660
Like, I don't know, I don't know anything, anything about you.
00:44:14.580
And it's just be, even if not, just a comment, read me.
00:44:17.520
And I'm like, your, your profile picture is a sunset.
00:44:23.760
I've had people be like, can you roast my boyfriend?
00:44:26.880
Like, I don't get involved in your interpersonal relationships because I don't know.
00:44:30.680
Because they're like, oh, my ex is awful, blah, blah, blah.
00:44:38.540
I can't just do that just because, you know what I mean?
00:44:41.260
Like, I need, I need to know a little bit more.
00:44:44.580
Did you used to watch the roast on Comedy Central?
00:44:55.000
I can think of off the top of my head because most comedians are, have been like, added as
00:45:00.940
There is a, there is a, I cannot remember the, who, I think, I think it was the roast
00:45:06.240
of Alec Baldwin, but it ended up just being the roast of Ann Coulter.
00:45:16.800
They just were, when I tell you, Ann Coulter, they would not let this woman breathe.
00:45:25.280
I mean, the whole, I was like, they are riding this bitch hard and putting her up wet.
00:45:30.500
I can't, I can't believe she did it, to be honest.
00:45:33.320
I can't believe she agreed to like, be on the dais.
00:45:37.440
It ended up being, it ended up being her roast.
00:45:44.260
She's another one who, I think she, she died at the right time.
00:45:53.680
I thought Pete Davidson was really good on that one.
00:46:01.040
Like he said, you might remember him from your mom's that, now that's what I call music.
00:46:06.600
Well, he, he said, he said, he said, he said, oh, he go, oh my God, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg.
00:46:18.260
I used to love those because I think it's fun to make fun of other people.
00:46:22.460
But I feel like you can also tell too, when they're like being written for them.
00:46:27.780
Well, I mean, certain, certain comedians go up and sometimes.
00:46:31.020
Like some of them write their own, but I feel like when they have like.
00:46:39.980
I don't mind that, but I actually respect that.
00:46:42.880
Cause like if Betty White goes up and Betty White's like, I'm a comedic actor.
00:46:47.800
I would rather see you do a good performance written by someone else.
00:46:58.000
Like Ann Coulter went up and just, I mean, she bombed.
00:47:03.560
I was like, girl, this is, I was like, I was like, at least, at least hire writers.
00:47:13.120
They're like, Oh, if I just have to make fun of people, I'll just make fun of what they
00:47:15.820
look like or their sexuality or their race or like something that's easy.
00:47:20.400
Which by the way, you can make funny jokes about me being gay.
00:47:28.160
You can make fun of that at a, especially at a roast, at a roast, at a roast, in my
00:47:32.820
opinion, if you're at an actual roast event where people are agreeing to be roasted, it
00:47:38.640
That is the, that's kind of one of the main points of it.
00:47:41.240
And you get extra points if you make it about them as a person, if you can relate it to
00:47:46.480
them and who they are and how they behave and their personality, their public persona,
00:47:53.600
I, the last one I did was Whitney Cummings, um, which was, I did that either right after
00:48:01.760
Um, and I, I just had, I had a blast and there were some jokes in there about me that I had
00:48:07.500
I've been to a, I've done a lot of roast in my day.
00:48:11.820
So if you can get me with a new one, I'm, I'm always down for that.
00:48:20.620
I, I, I love, I love to giggle even if it's at myself.
00:48:25.940
So we'll get into, we're talking about the art of roasting.
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00:49:00.640
So for those of you who don't know here at the comment section, what we like to do is
00:49:03.880
we bring videos that are related to the topic at hand and then we kiki, giggle, laugh,
00:49:13.000
So in this video, a woman explains that her opening line on Bumble is, you pick one, a
00:49:20.620
dad joke, two, a fun fact, or three, I roast you.
00:49:23.600
And she shows screenshots of some of the ways that she's replied to guys who asked to get
00:49:27.460
Like, you look like if Patrick Dempsey and the least attractive Baldwin brother had a
00:49:41.100
And if you're actually good and funny, they get mad.
00:49:46.520
How are you going to consent to be roasted and then be like, well, I don't know you'd roast
00:49:57.480
First of all, anyone who thinks that TikTok is successful, clearly you've never been to
00:50:12.220
My Twitter header is literally a Reddit thread that was sent to me by an anonymous person.
00:50:20.040
Um, I don't think they like me very much, but, um, I'll literally pull it up.
00:50:26.260
Well, the Twitter, the topic of it, I don't know what the terminology for it is, but it
00:50:31.460
literally says that stupid, the stupid bitch on TikTok called drew off wallow.
00:50:38.420
And then the bottom was like, I hate that cunt too.
00:50:43.300
And so I screenshot it and then I put it as my Twitter header.
00:50:47.880
I'm like, did you make two accounts to like cheer yourself on?
00:50:51.560
I love when I, one of my favorite comments is, uh, that people leave on, by the way, I
00:50:55.940
think that TikTok and social media has shown us that like a lot of the funniest people
00:50:58.800
in the world aren't even professional comedians.
00:51:07.360
Sometimes whenever, whenever, um, I get a mean comment, one of my favorite comments
00:51:13.540
My best friend Monet who's always like reading me.
00:51:15.120
I love when, whenever someone's like, bop, Monet was right.
00:51:18.440
And then someone goes, I know this is your burner count, Monet.
00:51:25.840
I'm always proud of the comment section over on, over on my TikTok or over on my Patreon,
00:51:31.400
They, they also, they, they be gathering me in ways I'd be like, I did, I never,
00:51:36.920
Who knew there was a brilliant, I'm like, not too much now.
00:51:40.620
Who knew there was a brilliant stand-up comedian who was just, you know, an accountant over
00:51:44.320
at Goldman Sachs or wherever the hell you work, you know?
00:51:46.520
Yeah, I've talked about how I, I did a roast once about this guy who, he said this f***ed
00:51:50.960
up shit about fat women and, um, he looked like rotten.
00:51:56.660
Like, he looked like he came on the Mayflower and he's somehow still breathing.
00:52:02.140
Uh, and I, that's all I talked about was like how he looked unwell.
00:52:13.200
Like, and so I, all the comments, they've never made me laugh harder, like, of all the
00:52:21.860
Yeah, like someone, have you ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean?
00:52:25.940
Someone said it's giving part of the crew part of the ship.
00:52:31.500
Which, to this day, is one of the funniest comments I've ever read.
00:52:34.580
I literally wrote back, I said, this made me cry laughing, because it did.
00:52:40.920
Would you ever want to do a roast, Prince Philip?
00:52:53.060
Yeah, it was giving, it was giving Night of the Living Dead.
00:52:56.460
Have you ever wanted to do like a roast, like a roast with you and like friends and people
00:53:03.880
I think people have wanted that from me for a long time.
00:53:08.520
And guys, there's nothing, there's really nothing wrong.
00:53:12.480
If you, if you're hired to do a roast, if you, I, I, I'm a show pony.
00:53:18.900
If you write your roast and you sit down and they're not good and test them out with people.
00:53:26.780
If they're not getting a big laugh, bitch, go hire someone to write.
00:53:35.700
Or with like too much confidence that like, you're like, well, and that's why I've talked
00:53:39.880
about how like the transition from online comedy to like standup.
00:53:44.500
Cause I've, people have asked me to do standup a lot, but I've been like, I just don't know
00:53:48.960
if my comedy would translate like to standup comedy.
00:53:51.940
I feel like maybe if I practice, but standup is such an art form that I feel like it would
00:54:00.700
That's why I said, I don't want to like, just cause you're funny doesn't mean you can
00:54:06.480
And also every standup comedian isn't a, isn't a great comedic actor.
00:54:15.020
I just, I never want to be too confident that I could be that funny.
00:54:20.600
I mean, I think like, like reps, reps, if you train in it, you, then you can, you can
00:54:25.180
end up being, that's what I, I figured that's what people have told me though.
00:54:27.960
Cause we did do, my sister and I went on tour in January and we did like live, it was like
00:54:34.100
So that was like my first real stab at live shows.
00:54:37.520
And so doing that, I was like, okay, I think if I practice, I could definitely get into it
00:54:45.540
Never be afraid to have someone, have someone help you structure the show.
00:54:51.260
That's why there's people, people who, you know, who do those things.
00:54:53.300
I don't, I don't try to choreograph my own shows.
00:54:54.980
I mean, I can kind of dance, but like I hire a choreographer.
00:55:02.020
I hired a makeup artist to elevate just to make it, you know, take to the next level.
00:55:07.140
And I'm all about delegating to someone more talented than myself.
00:55:15.460
Like when someone is able to acknowledge that there's someone who can do something better
00:55:22.020
That's why I hired, I have a full-time hair and makeup artist now.
00:55:28.760
And it's so funny because in the early like infancy stages of this show, I did like a whole
00:55:35.880
I like pretended to talk to someone and we kind of like went through a whole like day
00:55:39.560
of filming and he couldn't do my hair and makeup that day.
00:55:43.220
But like before I was like, you know, like my mom had asked me like, are you going to
00:55:48.620
And I was like, well, I mean, I'm pretty good at doing my hair and makeup myself.
00:55:52.500
And then my mom was like, like I said, um, I love mom's like, so do you want to want
00:56:05.180
I say that and she's like, to you, yes, to you.
00:56:08.880
And then like my first full rehearsal day, he, he couldn't do my hair and makeup that
00:56:13.680
And then when I saw myself on the camera, I was like, Ooh, okay.
00:56:22.160
Your mom was like, well, you look, you look the way they grow at, you know, and Universal
00:56:27.720
She looked at the screen and she's like, and that's why I told you to hire someone.
00:56:32.100
And that's the kind of people you really want to hear.
00:56:33.800
That is the people you really want in your corner.
00:56:37.180
That's why I was like, no, you can't hurt my feelings.
00:56:42.700
I have one of those moms who, if you don't do a good job, they will not, they will not
00:56:47.020
And that shit can, that shit can be like, damn, damn.
00:56:51.960
Like one of the, one of the few skills that I have not diluted myself ever into thinking
00:56:58.960
I'm not, I'm not tone deaf, but I by no means can sing.
00:57:02.060
Like I, I, I can like hum along to a melody, I would say, but that's pretty much as far as
00:57:08.560
And so like, if I were to ever like, you know, sometimes like online people will, will start
00:57:12.760
singing careers and they don't work out very well.
00:57:14.940
And then, you know, like, they're like, I always, uh, listen, use your imagination.
00:57:21.940
I'm not, no, not partial to anyone in particular, but sometimes it doesn't work out.
00:57:26.140
And if it does work out great, if it doesn't, you know, people are like, why would you even
00:57:30.360
And I always think to myself, like my mom would, would never, like if I got in that
00:57:34.240
booth and I came out and that sounded like dog shit, she would be like, Hey, it's awful.
00:57:38.820
She's like, all right, we're just going to go ahead and unplug that.
00:57:41.980
She's like, she would tell me that was dog shit, but I'm happy.
00:57:50.820
And she, and she would say like, what do you want me to just, what do you want me to
00:57:54.100
I was like, can we go ahead and delete that whole file, that whole session?
00:57:59.560
You know, and this is like, kind of like a little bit of tea, a little bit not.
00:58:03.400
I had to do, I had to do like a little bit of singing for something that I can't talk
00:58:15.620
So then I was like, okay, how about, what if I killed myself in front of you instead?
00:58:21.960
So I asked one of my cousins to like help me because he's a beautiful, like a God given
00:58:29.380
I kind of wanted him to like sing for me, like a ghostwriter, but like to lip sing for
00:58:35.520
I wanted, I wanted him to do it for me so bad because he's so talented.
00:58:41.660
And so like he was trying to coach me through it.
00:58:44.520
And so he's like, I'm just going to record every single take we try.
00:58:47.880
And then I think if something good comes, I'll tell you like, this is the take.
00:58:51.800
Like, and some of them, like I would start and then he'd be like, okay.
00:59:06.200
This is me trying my best to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
00:59:10.800
I'm telling you right now, you can sing, but I will not.
00:59:13.080
I'm trying to give, I'm trying to give it, I'm trying to be like, in my mind, this
00:59:16.020
is like, if Beyonce was Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, how
00:59:33.780
Well, it wasn't garbage, but it wasn't, no one's going to buy the album.
00:59:39.220
I love that you're so confident that you're able to do that.
00:59:43.800
I, I, I had to sing, I was on an episode of, um, it was the show with, uh, where he's
00:59:53.880
It was an episode of Lucifer and they were like, and you have to sing the song.
00:59:56.800
I had to sing The Lady's a Tramp and I had to go to the studio and record it.
01:00:04.440
Like, so I, there is a footage of me out there singing The Lady is a Tramp.
01:00:12.720
It's probably auto-tuned down, but baby, the way, the end product, I was giving.
01:00:18.740
I was talking to someone about singing recently.
01:00:28.880
And I was telling them about my, my singing experience and they were like, oh, well, you
01:00:35.020
And I was thinking like, yeah, you know, cause I did my best.
01:00:37.500
And they were like, no, cause they auto-tune everything.
01:00:39.760
So if you think about it, like, you know, it was probably that bad and then they probably
01:00:49.080
You know, now that everyone's listening to this and watching it, it's just going to be,
01:00:56.780
And it's going to end up being, I mean, after like two years of them begging for you to
01:01:01.500
It's going to end up being your most successful TikTok.
01:01:03.260
And then my mom was like, I heard you, and it was not that bad.
01:01:12.500
She goes, and you know, I would not lie to you about that.
01:01:14.600
Like, if I thought you were terrible, I would tell you.
01:01:18.020
But you also know I'm fragile and I will kill myself.
01:01:32.120
You know that one where she, Phoebe gets cast in like a music, they want to do her smelly
01:01:38.120
And then, you know, they have, they dub her and she watches it and she goes, oh my God,
01:01:46.920
Apparently, allegedly, the actor who played the body of Darth Vader thought they were using
01:02:03.440
But because James Earl Jones voiced Darth Vader and he was sitting there and he was like,
01:02:08.560
And then they sat down there and then he heard this voice and he was like, imagine, you told
01:02:19.520
And they sit down and then you hear this voice and everyone's like, that's not you.
01:02:25.040
Would you commit to the bit or would you tell them you didn't know?
01:02:51.960
And the family was like, oh yeah, you're in Star Wars, sure.
01:03:02.280
They're all, yeah, apparently he was in Star Wars.
01:03:06.200
I mean, James Earl Jones is like in his 90s almost.
01:03:08.540
Yeah, I don't know if the body of Darth Vader is alive.
01:03:16.340
You're just the body and the thighs of Darth Vader, but not the voice.
01:03:29.720
Yeah, he's giving that scene in Death Becomes Her where she's like, Madeline Ashton, Madeline
01:03:45.740
Oh, shout out to the guy from, shout out to the Darth Vader body.
01:04:05.300
I'll do, I'll do a couple of these comments and then we'll, we'll peace out.
01:04:08.620
Okay, so this girl who was roasting people on Bumble.
01:04:14.680
This one said, the first one says, 99% of the bimbos on Bumble have an ego.
01:04:25.720
1% who message on Bumble say two golden letters high.
01:04:31.500
This is what, this is what, so wait, this is what the guy said about her?
01:04:37.620
He's basically, 99% of the bimbos on Bumble have an ego.
01:04:44.760
They lack basic IQ and rest 1% who, I think he's saying the rest of the 1% who message
01:04:51.500
on Bumble say two golden letters, which is high.
01:04:53.860
I really hate when people want to, like, win an argument and they just start making up
01:05:04.000
And they always say stuff, they always say, they always say either 99% or 90% or 50%.
01:05:08.720
They always say 50%, and I was like, first of all, statistically, to land at exactly 50%,
01:05:16.780
There's like a rare chance, I don't know why it drives me crazy when people make up statistics
01:05:33.640
Listen, guys, if you are, the way that some straight guys view women, they really just,
01:05:53.700
They want to be in a relationship with their boys.
01:05:56.760
They want to be emotionally coddled by their friends.
01:06:03.260
They want to take their best friends to weddings.
01:06:05.180
And then they want to leave the wedding and then just f*** a random disembodied pussy
01:06:14.080
They're like attracted to women, but they don't like women.
01:06:19.960
Well, it's so funny you say that because I literally saw a tweet this morning of these
01:06:26.000
two awful, awful, awful human beings that I'm not going to say their names because they're
01:06:34.820
No, it was these two men who are just rancid, awful.
01:06:40.160
Every time men, like straight men like that make a podcast, an angel falls from heaven.
01:06:53.840
And if you exhibit behavior of an alpha male or an incel, you should not be allowed to
01:07:01.400
But it's these two men and they're talking, they're literally having a conversation about
01:07:10.580
Like it's like the thought of giving head disgusts them.
01:07:14.080
These are two men who like have said that they're like, they love to have multiple girlfriends
01:07:20.440
Like they're like super misogynistic, both of them.
01:07:22.940
And they say all this shit about women all the time.
01:07:25.980
And they're openly talking with each other about how disgusting it is to think about
01:07:39.840
And then someone retweeted it and said, this is not a joke.
01:07:45.640
As someone who has given a lot of fellatio and a lot of cunnilingus in my life, I've eaten
01:07:53.300
a lot of pussy and I've sucked a lot of dicks in my life.
01:07:57.200
I can guarantee, first of all, they are both delicious.
01:08:06.160
Also, if you're going to roll the dice on hygiene, who do you think is more clean?
01:08:13.960
But also the thing about it is people who like sucking dick, can I, I mean, not everyone,
01:08:18.140
this is not a blanket statement, but sometimes people who like sucking dick, they kind of
01:08:20.880
don't mind a little bit of, a little experience, a little, a little, a little, like, you know,
01:08:31.520
But also, if you're eating a pussy and it smells like pussy, oh, plot twist.
01:08:36.740
It's going to smell like pussy and it's going to taste like pussy.
01:08:40.380
You ordered the pussy and you're shocked that the pussy came to your table.
01:08:47.280
Well, that's either someone who's never had pussy, right, or someone who like is like
01:08:55.540
I'm not telling you all that you have to eat pussy if you like having, but like, I do
01:09:00.500
think that if you're, if you have a vagina and you're having sex with someone who doesn't
01:09:20.620
It's also just so like, what, I don't understand, like, what, what's your goal then?
01:09:25.560
Like, what do you, what is it that you want then?
01:09:27.440
They want to do somebody thing to speak their dick in.
01:09:30.060
And then order a f***ing flesh jack or something.
01:09:32.560
Like, at that point, it's like, you don't want a human then.
01:09:35.360
Like, you just want a thing and you have a problem.
01:09:38.040
I think that straight guys, alpha males, really have to just start experimenting with dating
01:09:55.840
That's why I'm like, I just think it's so strange to be so, like, volatile about the
01:10:01.620
way you talk about women, about the way you talk about sexual relations with women.
01:10:05.420
Like, you're so disgusting and objectifying them constantly.
01:10:09.820
And then when it comes down to pay the piper, you're complaining.
01:10:22.400
I can't even fathom the idea of complaining about eating pussy and then being like, but
01:10:36.940
I'll have a bunch of Oreos all the time around me.
01:10:39.600
And then when I say, but then, you know, when you open it and you got to eat it, it's
01:10:48.060
In fact, I kind of honestly prefer a different cookie.
01:10:56.040
So the real thing is too, like, I think maybe, maybe these people don't like, don't like
01:11:00.940
Because if you're sucking a dick, you know, sucking a dick is, is like.
01:11:07.520
And you're going to get, you're going to get the person there.
01:11:14.040
If you keep sucking a dick long enough, you're going to get the ranch dressing.
01:11:18.360
But making somebody with a vagina cum is harder than recovering your iTunes password.
01:11:34.700
They were eating someone's pussy and the person was just, like, not reacting.
01:11:39.220
And then they were like, well, if it's, you know, then f*** this bitch, man.
01:11:47.160
I feel like that as an act is, like, trying to open a safe.
01:11:55.800
And just like trying to recover your iTunes password, if you get it wrong five times in a row, you're
01:12:05.200
They're like, you've tried to log in from this device before.
01:12:24.300
It says, are you trying to log in from this device?
01:12:29.240
There is no way on earth those guys are good and bad.
01:12:35.140
I'm telling you, 99.9% of all guys who don't like eating pussy are bad in bed.
01:13:00.740
Like, I remember your team reached out to me a while back.
01:13:05.520
And I remember reaching out to me like, I was not doing Drew's podcast.
01:13:19.280
Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of The Comment Section Show.
01:13:22.440
Thank you so much to the amazing, hilarious Bob the Drag Queen.
01:13:33.760
And invite me back whenever you're picked up on your own network television.
01:13:45.320
Go scream in your bedroom because I'm the first one on the list.
01:13:53.460
Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of The Comment Section Show.
01:13:57.640
Remember, you can always stream us exclusively on Spotify.
01:14:01.380
And I want to thank Bob the Drag Queen once again for coming.