The Comment Section with Drew Afualo

00:00:00.000 You remember Rupaul?

00:00:01.240 No, but I know she's tall.

00:00:02.740 6'4".

00:00:03.640 Damn, that's how tall my boyfriend is.

00:00:05.640 Yeah, Rupaul could beat up your boyfriend.

00:00:08.120 I'm sure, I believe it.

00:00:09.760 Rupaul is 62 years old.

00:00:12.520 She would beat the brakes off my boyfriend.

00:00:13.980 Rupaul's barely beating bone density this morning.

00:00:16.560 Okay.

00:00:21.580 Hey everyone, and welcome back to another episode

00:00:23.760 of the comment section show starring me, your fave.

00:00:26.160 Everybody knows me, who cares about me.

00:00:27.780 On to everyone's favorite part of every episode,

00:00:30.640 the wonderful, amazing guest.

00:00:32.200 Today I have the iconic, the legendary, Bob the Drag Queen.

00:00:36.380 Woo!

00:00:38.080 I feel really privileged to be here at this.

00:00:42.160 I really feel like this is the very early stages

00:00:46.340 of a very iconic career.

00:00:48.440 Stop.

00:00:48.940 I really do.

00:00:49.640 I feel like I'm going to be like...

00:00:50.660 You're making me blush.

00:00:51.380 I'm going to be like, you know, I did the comment section.

00:00:55.040 Yeah.

00:00:55.720 You're going to use me?

00:00:56.400 And now she's on the Emmy Award winning hit talk show.

00:01:00.380 Stop.

00:01:00.640 There's a gap in talk because Wendy just left.

00:01:07.800 I know.

00:01:08.320 And also it's...

00:01:08.860 Shoes to fill.

00:01:10.460 And also it's changing now.

00:01:12.140 So television is...

00:01:13.820 They wouldn't replace Wendy with something like Wendy.

00:01:16.040 Yeah.

00:01:16.360 Because there's only one Wendy.

00:01:17.880 But then you remember my favorite clip of Wendy.

00:01:19.340 We were going, well I would actually all respect my privacy,

00:01:21.880 but I don't respect people's privacy.

00:01:23.060 I know.

00:01:23.620 When she's crying.

00:01:24.400 Yeah.

00:01:25.380 Boohooing.

00:01:26.100 I don't respect people's privacy.

00:01:27.360 And you know what?

00:01:27.960 She's so real for that.

00:01:29.240 She's so real for that.

00:01:30.380 Oh yeah.

00:01:30.760 I respect her for it, honestly.

00:01:32.500 I like death to all of them.

00:01:34.400 Death to all of them.

00:01:35.180 Wendy Williams is a meme machine.

00:01:38.900 She's a biteable bitch.

00:01:40.040 Clap if you think she should suffer.

00:01:41.240 That's why I hate it.

00:01:42.300 Clap if you think she should suffer.

00:01:43.780 And she coined Dula Peep.

00:01:45.460 Dula Peep.

00:01:46.020 She's iconic for Dula Peep.

00:01:47.460 I never refer to her as Dula Peep anymore.

00:01:49.780 She's another tall lady.

00:01:50.960 Yeah.

00:01:51.360 Oh really?

00:01:51.780 Is she?

00:01:52.140 Yeah.

00:01:52.320 The waves is about 5'11", 5'10".

00:01:54.860 The tall lady, Tara Banks.

00:01:56.920 Yeah.

00:01:57.360 Well that makes sense to me because she's a model too.

00:01:59.060 Megan Thee Stallion.

00:02:00.060 Yes.

00:02:00.500 That I knew.

00:02:00.780 She is Thee Stallion.

00:02:01.620 Yeah.

00:02:02.220 Taylor Swift.

00:02:03.580 That I knew.

00:02:05.260 I just saw her at a party.

00:02:07.480 She was in I, Tonya.

00:02:09.500 Oh, Margot Robbie?

00:02:10.660 No, the other one.

00:02:11.600 She plays her mom.

00:02:13.800 Allison Janney.

00:02:14.600 Allison Janney, yeah.

00:02:15.020 Allison Janney's like six feet tall.

00:02:16.960 Damn.

00:02:17.320 I was at a party and we were looking, I was like, we were looking in each other's eyes.

00:02:21.800 I was like, this is a, she was on the dance floor all night, like twisted, going crazy.

00:02:26.640 Oh, I bet.

00:02:27.340 You know, when I went to, when I was at the Oscars recently, I saw Nicole Kidman, she's

00:02:31.260 tall.

00:02:31.940 Yeah.

00:02:32.480 And she walks with Keith Urban, he's not tall.

00:02:34.940 And I said, you better work, bitch.

00:02:36.420 Yeah.

00:02:36.760 You know what I realized?

00:02:37.780 The height difference is stark between them.

00:02:39.600 When you get to Hollywood, listen to me, you gotta realize that a lot of the women are

00:02:42.820 tall and a lot of the men are not.

00:02:44.240 Sure.

00:02:45.040 They are tiny.

00:02:46.300 They're gonna gag.

00:02:46.980 They're teeny tiny.

00:02:47.940 I was just saying that to my sister the other day.

00:02:50.120 I was like, I think what would shock you is how small people are.

00:02:53.700 Like when you meet them in, in whether it's like A-list or like influencer or anyone in

00:02:58.340 between, they're all so small.

00:03:00.260 You ever met RuPaul?

00:03:01.540 No, but I know she's tall.

00:03:02.860 Six four.

00:03:04.100 Damn.

00:03:04.660 That's how tall my boyfriend is.

00:03:05.800 Yeah.

00:03:06.880 RuPaul could beat up your boyfriend.

00:03:08.280 I'm sure.

00:03:08.740 Or I, believe it.

00:03:09.920 RuPaul is 62 years old.

00:03:12.660 She would beat the brakes off my boyfriend.

00:03:14.240 RuPaul's barely beating bone density at this point.

00:03:16.840 Okay?

00:03:17.580 She would beat the shit out of my boyfriend.

00:03:18.820 It's okay.

00:03:19.360 He would say that too.

00:03:20.440 He'd admit it.

00:03:21.600 He'd be real.

00:03:22.320 I can't even imagine RuPaul.

00:03:22.860 RuPaul's just like, she doesn't have a violent bone.

00:03:24.320 I don't have a violent bone in my body.

00:03:26.040 I couldn't imagine myself.

00:03:27.900 I would say me either.

00:03:29.400 Now that I'm older, when I was younger, I was a lot more unhinged.

00:03:32.020 I would say.

00:03:32.920 You ever been in a fight?

00:03:34.280 What's the last time you were in like a fight fight, like hit someone?

00:03:38.240 I don't even remember, to be honest.

00:03:39.980 Well, I heard a slap come from her dressing room this morning.

00:03:42.780 And then her boyfriend.

00:03:44.960 And I was all, you shushed, my crew.

00:03:48.900 You be quiet.

00:03:50.460 You're legally obligated.

00:03:51.680 And the guy walked out and said, honestly, I shouldn't have put sugar in the coffee.

00:03:54.460 I shouldn't have put sugar.

00:03:56.340 When you say that to me, I'm like, legally, you're not allowed to ask me that.

00:03:59.080 And then the camera just cuts and I come back and I'm like buttoned up.

00:04:03.580 And I'm like, anyway, moving on.

00:04:05.200 I'm so sorry I asked the question.

00:04:06.160 You have a neck brace on?

00:04:07.220 I think the last time I got into a physical altercation, I was doing a drag show.

00:04:10.900 This was maybe, maybe like six years ago, I was doing a drag show.

00:04:14.800 And this guy jumped up and grabbed me during my show.

00:04:18.280 Wait, I think I saw that on TikTok.

00:04:19.940 Yeah, this guy wouldn't let me go.

00:04:21.640 And I was like.

00:04:22.300 Like out of like adoration?

00:04:23.820 Or was it weirdo?

00:04:24.080 No, it was, I don't know what it was out of, but I know he would not let me go.

00:04:27.000 And just weirdo shit.

00:04:27.880 And yeah, it was just him being weird and he was drunk.

00:04:30.820 That's the booze.

00:04:32.380 It's always booze.

00:04:33.500 Were you doing like standup or were you performing?

00:04:35.320 I was lip syncing.

00:04:36.160 Okay, yeah.

00:04:36.680 So I didn't even have the microphone.

00:04:37.880 So I wasn't like able to be, people couldn't hear me.

00:04:40.140 So it was just me and this guy going back and forth while the song was playing.

00:04:42.880 Did they think it was part of the bit?

00:04:44.400 No, no, because I was clearly unhappy.

00:04:46.840 Yeah.

00:04:47.120 And I was like, get off me, get off me, get off me.

00:04:49.920 And then I was, him and I were like struggling.

00:04:51.920 And then you just see me like take him down, which I didn't want to.

00:04:55.360 As you should.

00:04:55.820 I didn't want to.

00:04:56.440 I really, I don't, I don't see myself as like a fighter.

00:05:00.180 Have you ever heard that audio?

00:05:01.380 That's like, it's like, yeah.

00:05:03.420 And it's like, yeah, fucking get his ass pussy.

00:05:05.540 Like that, that would be me.

00:05:07.140 If I was watching you.

00:05:08.360 Yeah.

00:05:08.860 Like I'm encouraging the violence.

00:05:11.340 You know what I mean?

00:05:11.680 I love that.

00:05:13.580 Because I think men are creepy weirdos at all times.

00:05:16.600 So I feel like if you give me a chance to hit you, I'm going to.

00:05:19.040 Like, I'm really bad at impersonations, but I do them all the time.

00:05:23.460 And.

00:05:24.140 I know, he just did one for us.

00:05:25.660 I did.

00:05:26.000 For about two minutes.

00:05:26.780 No one knew who it was.

00:05:27.760 No one knew, because they're always, they're always so bad.

00:05:30.800 Has anyone been working on a Drew impersonation?

00:05:35.060 Yes, to an extent, I think.

00:05:37.080 It's mostly the laugh, right?

00:05:38.200 Yeah, it's the laugh.

00:05:39.400 It's also like the nails and the lashes.

00:05:42.780 Like, I don't know.

00:05:43.380 It's, it gets a little racist.

00:05:45.720 I think if they try to impersonate me, like.

00:05:48.940 And then a lot of times it comes off as the wrong race.

00:05:51.420 It's not even mine.

00:05:52.680 You know what I mean?

00:05:53.280 So.

00:05:53.420 Yeah.

00:05:53.960 They're like acting black.

00:05:54.840 Yeah, I think they're very.

00:05:56.120 Exactly.

00:05:56.520 My name, Drew.

00:05:57.880 Exactly.

00:05:58.300 And that's not even how I talk.

00:05:59.640 So that's why I'm like, well, wrong race.

00:06:01.560 Also racist.

00:06:02.360 You know.

00:06:02.760 If I was going to do a Drew, I would start with a raspberry.

00:06:05.280 With a.

00:06:06.180 Oh, yeah.

00:06:06.960 That, that, the middle finger.

00:06:08.480 I can't do that laugh.

00:06:13.840 That wasn't bad.

00:06:14.620 That was pretty good.

00:06:15.920 That was better than your Joan Rivers.

00:06:19.460 You know, my Joan Rivers is not good.

00:06:21.320 It's bad.

00:06:22.240 And now you all have to see it.

00:06:23.220 Because you're going to be like, well, what is it?

00:06:24.800 And it's just me going.

00:06:25.800 It's just a one word impersonation.

00:06:27.000 It's me going.

00:06:27.760 Melissa.

00:06:29.080 And that could be Wendy Williams.

00:06:30.560 Or that could be Joan Rivers.

00:06:31.520 That could be Barack Obama.

00:06:33.740 Anyone.

00:06:34.400 That could be anyone.

00:06:35.380 Another tall one.

00:06:36.380 Malia Obama, 6'1".

00:06:38.100 That I did know.

00:06:39.400 Love.

00:06:39.920 I love a tall woman.

00:06:40.980 Malia D. Stallion.

00:06:41.600 Oh, the taller the better.

00:06:42.480 I love it.

00:06:42.720 Malia D. Stallion, honey.

00:06:44.040 Brigitte Nielsen.

00:06:45.580 Brigitte Nielsen is, oh, wasn't she a model though?

00:06:47.900 Yeah.

00:06:48.340 Yeah.

00:06:48.680 So that makes sense.

00:06:49.280 Yeah, exactly.

00:06:49.720 Well, I feel like when they're models, I'm like, oh, well, that makes sense.

00:06:52.500 Well, duh.

00:06:53.260 That you're tall.

00:06:53.860 Yeah.

00:06:54.100 As a model myself, I feel like I can say that.

00:06:56.940 I mean, if you've been paid, if someone's paid to take your picture, you're a model.

00:07:02.280 Don't tell me that.

00:07:02.940 I'll put it on my resume.

00:07:03.920 Throw it on there.

00:07:04.500 Listen, it is your resume.

00:07:06.740 You put whatever you want on your...

00:07:08.080 I know.

00:07:08.820 They get so...

00:07:09.480 Men get so mad when I...

00:07:11.240 If I were to refer to myself as a model, they'd be like, yeah, right.

00:07:14.260 Since we're new models, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:07:16.160 You know what I mean?

00:07:16.580 So, I love that I'm interviewing you now.

00:07:19.220 No, it's all right.

00:07:19.900 There was this...

00:07:21.300 Last night, I got caught up in a TikTok trap.

00:07:24.700 Like, fight?

00:07:25.680 No, no.

00:07:26.160 Kind of.

00:07:26.740 Okay.

00:07:27.160 Oh, my God.

00:07:27.360 Are they going to get rid of...

00:07:27.880 Are they going to shut TikTok?

00:07:28.920 You remember they're going to...

00:07:29.720 I don't know.

00:07:30.360 The CEO of TikTok is now over in D.C.

00:07:32.800 I know.

00:07:33.660 Pleading his case.

00:07:34.500 I know.

00:07:36.840 I got caught up on debate TikTok.

00:07:40.120 Really?

00:07:40.400 But, like, live debate TikTok.

00:07:42.400 Like people on live?

00:07:43.560 Which is, like, on live, green screen, like...

00:07:45.940 Oh, prove me wrong.

00:07:47.160 God doesn't exist.

00:07:49.020 Just prove me wrong.

00:07:49.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:50.460 So, I got caught up on debate TikTok.

00:07:52.700 And that is a...

00:07:55.580 Because TikTok is like...

00:07:57.740 TikTok is kind of like, pit my ride.

00:08:00.040 You remember pit my ride?

00:08:01.140 Yeah.

00:08:01.440 When you pit my ride, you were like...

00:08:03.500 And, you know, this is my goldfish.

00:08:05.360 I love my goldfish.

00:08:06.640 And then when Exhibit gives you your car back, he's like...

00:08:08.780 And now your entire seat is a fishbowl.

00:08:11.840 There's 96 goldfish in the fishbowl in your seat.

00:08:16.300 And also, your steering wheel is replaced by real fish.

00:08:19.140 It makes sushi for you.

00:08:20.840 All made of goldfish.

00:08:22.300 Yeah.

00:08:22.800 It's just, like, extreme home makeover.

00:08:24.660 Yeah.

00:08:24.980 You mentioned one time you used to like horses, and then they give you an equestrian-themed

00:08:28.860 room.

00:08:29.300 Literally.

00:08:29.860 And you're like, now I gotta live in this...

00:08:30.660 Now your bed is shaped like a horse.

00:08:33.320 And you're like, this is wild.

00:08:35.180 TikTok...

00:08:35.660 I went to, like, one debate TikTok, and now I...

00:08:38.680 And you got stuck in it.

00:08:39.780 And now your home is a debate.

00:08:41.980 Like, TikTok's like, oh, I see you like to argue.

00:08:44.600 So now it's all you'll have.

00:08:46.020 But then I got into this one argument last night, and it was, like, wild.

00:08:48.980 It was just wild.

00:08:50.720 What was the topic?

00:08:51.620 The topic was...

00:08:53.300 It was transphobia.

00:08:55.520 Got you.

00:08:56.020 But I was on the TikTok of someone who was exhibiting some characteristics of transphobia.

00:09:03.260 My best friend taught me to stop saying that people are things, but they have certain

00:09:07.740 experiences.

00:09:08.580 My friend, shout out to Peppermint for teaching me that in life.

00:09:11.380 But they were showing some transphobic behavior.

00:09:14.060 Yeah.

00:09:14.360 And I was, like, trying to talk, but, like, have you ever done one of these live debates

00:09:16.860 before?

00:09:17.360 No.

00:09:17.840 Don't do them.

00:09:18.660 Mm-mm.

00:09:19.100 Don't do them.

00:09:19.720 It's a trap.

00:09:20.140 It's a...

00:09:20.780 I went live one time on TikTok, and that was before I, like, really, really took off.

00:09:26.440 And it was filled with nothing but love.

00:09:28.520 Now, it would be a cesspool, bitch.

00:09:31.680 It'd be a swamp.

00:09:32.540 I'd be trudging through the trenches if I did a live now, because all the men who hate follow

00:09:37.560 me would find me, and it would just be rancid.

00:09:40.980 They're probably...

00:09:41.700 I would venture to say that all the guys who hate follow you are really attracted to you.

00:09:46.020 Yeah, absolutely.

00:09:47.000 They are turned on.

00:09:48.080 They hate hearing it, but it's true.

00:09:49.380 They want a big lady to, like, bully them around.

00:09:52.000 They want you to step on them.

00:09:53.360 They do.

00:09:53.440 You know, that's why I stopped doing Cameo.

00:09:55.480 Oh, were they, like, asking you, like...

00:09:57.360 Yeah, they started asking me to, like, berate them for money.

00:10:01.240 That's what they want.

00:10:01.580 Like, can you tell me I'm a bad boy?

00:10:03.920 Yeah, they want that.

00:10:04.520 And I said, for $35?

00:10:06.060 No.

00:10:06.740 Oh, yeah.

00:10:07.320 Oh, no.

00:10:07.920 Yeah.

00:10:08.420 I had, like, several zeros on the end of that.

00:10:10.460 Yeah, exactly.

00:10:11.060 Yeah, uh-huh.

00:10:11.580 Yeah, that's what they...

00:10:12.600 All the ones, they're doing it to get a reaction out of you, because especially once you drop

00:10:16.640 that you're over six feet, they're like...

00:10:19.700 Sorry.

00:10:20.940 Drew's mom is here.

00:10:21.620 I feel so bad about doing that.

00:10:23.000 She's seen worse here.

00:10:23.900 But they want you to fucking step on them.

00:10:25.800 They do.

00:10:26.280 Have you ever been asked...

00:10:27.040 Yeah.

00:10:28.700 They want it.

00:10:29.320 They want it.

00:10:29.560 I've been asked, yeah.

00:10:30.460 Yeah.

00:10:30.700 I've been emailed, too.

00:10:32.120 I've been asked that, too, about, like, my boyfriend, as well.

00:10:35.720 Like, they would like both of us to do it to them.

00:10:37.720 Yeah, he's huge, too.

00:10:38.600 Yeah, he's 6'4", so...

00:10:40.240 Yeah.

00:10:40.660 And he's, like, he's, like, what they perceive as, like, an alpha man, like, a strong...

00:10:45.840 Whatever the f*** that means to them.

00:10:47.680 So they, like, they've asked for both of us to do things, to, like, to berate them or

00:10:52.200 whatever, and I'm like...

00:10:54.080 Yeah, they want you to sit on them.

00:10:54.900 They want you to sit on them.

00:10:55.720 They don't want to breathe.

00:10:56.460 They're like, don't get up until I'm motionless.

00:10:58.680 Not enough money in the world.

00:10:59.880 Yeah.

00:11:00.700 You know what?

00:11:01.940 I'm going to need a lot more money and a lot more convincing to BH.

00:11:05.980 But that's not a no.

00:11:09.900 Even then, that's why I said, that's why I stopped doing Cameo.

00:11:12.580 They ruined it for everyone.

00:11:14.540 I was like, oh, and I'm done.

00:11:16.380 Oh, turn off.

00:11:17.500 Because, you know, I mean, when I used to tip around New York City in drag, especially

00:11:21.060 when I'm all done up with hair and everything, I'm very big.

00:11:24.860 Especially when I'm, like, I'm...

00:11:25.740 A big platform.

00:11:27.140 Yeah, like, a really tall shoe.

00:11:28.220 And you can see the gleam in their eyes when they...

00:11:31.100 It does something to them.

00:11:32.780 And they're like...

00:11:33.580 Stir something.

00:11:34.260 Yeah, for sure.

00:11:35.240 Absolutely.

00:11:35.340 That they have not touched or confronted.

00:11:37.320 It's probably some deep mommy issues.

00:11:39.940 I bet.

00:11:40.320 You know what I mean?

00:11:41.220 I'm like, you didn't come out of my coochie.

00:11:42.720 Not my responsibility.

00:11:43.740 And, you know, if you have mommy issues, and if you...

00:11:45.660 Listen, I'm not kink-shaming.

00:11:47.400 If that's your kink...

00:11:48.760 That's cool.

00:11:49.440 Go for it.

00:11:49.700 But you can't be awful and also exhibit those behaviors.

00:11:54.060 You know what I mean?

00:11:54.720 Like, you can't be outwardly awful and then also have those deep-seated things.

00:11:58.520 That's probably part of the kink.

00:12:00.520 Yeah, that's true.

00:12:01.260 Part of it, though, I also think is, like, a fetish.

00:12:03.480 Like, they fetishize me a lot.

00:12:05.900 Which I'm sure they do, too.

00:12:06.740 Obviously, they do, too.

00:12:07.520 Oh, yeah.

00:12:07.560 For sure.

00:12:07.840 They fetishize, like, minority people in general who are, like, big, aggressive, mean.

00:12:13.620 Like, that's how they describe me.

00:12:15.080 Yeah.

00:12:15.320 I'm always like...

00:12:16.880 Well...

00:12:17.520 Sometimes I'm like, I am big, aggressive, and mean.

00:12:21.740 Mine pays the bills.

00:12:25.620 Does yours?

00:12:26.100 Exactly.

00:12:26.680 I didn't think so.

00:12:27.660 Exactly.

00:12:28.100 Speaking of, though, which we're kind of already doing, but you're also really known for being

00:12:32.820 really good at roasting people.

00:12:34.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:35.300 Making fun of people.

00:12:36.280 Yeah, for sure.

00:12:36.780 You're, like, an icon, a legend.

00:12:38.160 Also, doing it in the drag world, you're, like, an Olympic level, I feel like.

00:12:43.960 Yeah.

00:12:44.060 If you could do it in the drag world, I feel like you could do it to anybody.

00:12:47.760 Yeah, I'm pretty good at roasting, even to the point where, like, a lot of the times,

00:12:51.020 there was this tour called the Haters Roast, where the drag queens would all get together

00:12:56.620 and, like, do a traveling roast show.

00:12:58.520 Even when I wasn't doing the show...

00:12:59.940 To each other or to, like, audience?

00:13:00.960 To each other.

00:13:01.420 Oh, fun.

00:13:01.980 And even when I wasn't doing the show, queens would pay me to write their roast for them.

00:13:07.520 Damn, really?

00:13:08.220 Yeah.

00:13:08.980 That's T, bitch.

00:13:09.760 I've written for maybe, like, three or four different drag queens who've done them.

00:13:13.420 I love that, because you're just that good.

00:13:15.820 Because, yeah, I mean, I'm really clever.

00:13:17.240 You know, I think it was when I was really young I realized that I was good at making

00:13:20.000 fun of people because I...

00:13:22.120 Well, I had to, so I was...

00:13:23.940 Yeah.

00:13:24.540 I've been really tall.

00:13:26.960 I've been the same height since I was in seventh grade.

00:13:29.580 I have not grown an inch since seventh grade.

00:13:32.680 Damn.

00:13:32.820 But also, bear in mind, I was 125 pounds.

00:13:36.680 If you don't know, 6'2", 125 is...

00:13:39.900 I mean, that is as skinny as you can be.

00:13:42.320 Skinny, mini.

00:13:42.660 I'm, like, 240 right now.

00:13:45.760 So imagine if I was 115 pounds lighter than I am.

00:13:49.980 You probably look a lot taller.

00:13:51.240 Yeah, but I was, like...

00:13:52.240 Jack Skellington.

00:13:52.700 But I looked frail.

00:13:53.920 I looked...

00:13:54.400 So I was such a target.

00:13:55.920 I was a full head and shoulders above everyone in my school.

00:13:58.820 Yeah.

00:13:59.260 I had this big afro, and I was, like, I was dark-skinned.

00:14:02.080 I didn't go to all-black school, so it wasn't, like, I wasn't the only black kid there.

00:14:04.980 Mm-hmm.

00:14:05.520 But because I was such a target, and I was so gay, I had to let people realize, like,

00:14:10.060 if you make fun of me, you will not walk away unscathed.

00:14:12.640 Like, if you make fun of me, you're going to lose.

00:14:14.920 These hands are rated E for everyone.

00:14:16.340 So, you're, like, you don't want to jones with Caldwell.

00:14:19.020 You do not want to try to roast me because, like,

00:14:21.060 I will...

00:14:21.780 One thing, I'm really good at getting a crowd.

00:14:23.320 I will, like, gather a crowd.

00:14:24.620 It will not be done in privacy.

00:14:26.740 The pageantry.

00:14:27.680 Oh, yeah.

00:14:28.300 It's a show.

00:14:29.140 Yeah, I'm getting everyone to gather around.

00:14:31.340 We're all gathered around, and I'm going to go by school, so we love to...

00:14:34.060 Oh!

00:14:34.980 Oh!

00:14:35.920 Oh!

00:14:36.860 Also, getting made fun of in front of a crowd like that,

00:14:39.420 there's no coming back from it.

00:14:40.660 Oh, yeah.

00:14:41.020 If you can't survive, you're not making it out.

00:14:43.480 So, it's a skill that I learned pretty...

00:14:44.860 Maybe around...

00:14:45.380 I would say starting in, like, maybe seventh grade.

00:14:47.380 So, you're, like, 6'2 in seventh grade?

00:14:49.400 Yeah.

00:14:50.180 Damn.

00:14:50.880 When you're really horrible, this is really bad.

00:14:53.340 This is really bad.

00:14:55.100 This is a bad...

00:14:57.060 This is horrible.

00:14:58.540 I don't think I've ever told this story.

00:15:00.040 Okay.

00:15:00.500 Anyway, this is the...

00:15:01.120 I don't mean...

00:15:01.500 I won't...

00:15:01.900 This is a comment section exclusive.

00:15:03.580 Okay, let's do it.

00:15:04.580 I'm forewarning you.

00:15:06.120 This is horrible.

00:15:08.180 Okay.

00:15:08.560 This might not even make the cut.

00:15:10.060 I'm ready.

00:15:10.720 I had just moved to Atlanta in seventh grade,

00:15:13.360 and this guy was, like, just laying into me,

00:15:15.500 making fun of me for being gay and faggoty and this, that, and the other,

00:15:18.800 and just would not, would not leave me alone.

00:15:21.640 Would not leave me alone.

00:15:23.500 Like, kept seeking you out.

00:15:25.020 Yeah.

00:15:25.460 Yeah.

00:15:25.780 You know, when you're in class, you're trapped.

00:15:28.020 Sometimes when you're in the class, you're trapped with your bully.

00:15:31.440 Yeah.

00:15:31.740 Five days a week for an hour.

00:15:33.380 Yeah, literally.

00:15:34.220 All those days.

00:15:35.720 And one day I was like, I've had it.

00:15:37.140 I'm like...

00:15:37.740 So I just, like...

00:15:38.560 I just looked over at him, and he had this...

00:15:40.740 This...

00:15:42.300 I'm telling you, don't laugh at this.

00:15:43.520 It's not...

00:15:44.060 Okay.

00:15:44.200 I'm telling you, this really isn't funny.

00:15:45.660 Okay.

00:15:46.000 This massive pimple.

00:15:47.700 It was huge on his forehead.

00:15:50.300 And I let him have it.

00:15:52.700 I read him down.

00:15:54.480 And he had some other acne, too,

00:15:55.900 with this one huge...

00:15:56.980 And I was like, f***ing late into him on this pimple.

00:15:59.480 I called it his cousin.

00:16:00.860 I said he had paid taxes.

00:16:02.360 I said his pimple had free lunch.

00:16:04.160 I said that his pimple had Section 8...

00:16:05.860 I said his pimple was Section 8 housing.

00:16:08.120 I was going in on this pimple.

00:16:10.700 Going in.

00:16:11.480 And then he, like, shut down and got, like, really quiet.

00:16:14.320 And, like...

00:16:15.720 And then the pimple ended up being...

00:16:19.320 And then he...

00:16:23.320 Isn't that crazy?

00:16:36.700 Isn't that crazy?

00:16:38.240 So I felt guilty.

00:16:40.960 But I was in seventh grade.

00:16:43.740 And I was like, but he...

00:16:46.260 So I have not ever told that story anywhere.

00:16:50.680 Because I felt so horrible about it.

00:16:53.000 And...

00:16:55.000 But I don't think he knew that it was a...

00:16:59.000 At the time.

00:17:02.440 And...

00:17:02.880 Anyway...

00:17:04.560 You're right.

00:17:05.120 It's not funny.

00:17:05.860 It's not funny.

00:17:07.500 But it is an insane...

00:17:11.200 It's an insane story.

00:17:13.560 It's insane.

00:17:14.440 Right?

00:17:14.980 You're right.

00:17:15.480 It's insane.

00:17:16.340 But I didn't know what to do.

00:17:17.580 I was defending myself.

00:17:18.960 Because, I mean, every day for a month, this guy had nicknames for me.

00:17:25.580 Listen, you don't got to justify it to me.

00:17:28.000 No judgment.

00:17:28.820 Thank you.

00:17:29.440 No judgment.

00:17:29.940 And I'm not looking to be, like...

00:17:31.460 I'm not looking to, like, abdicate myself or, you know, write myself in the wrongs.

00:17:36.560 Yeah, absolutely.

00:17:37.160 But I think I need...

00:17:37.960 I think I needed to say it out loud.

00:17:41.160 And...

00:17:41.600 I can't apologize to him because...

00:17:44.600 And those of you who are just listening, you need to just go watch the episode because...

00:17:52.920 Because I'm mouthing it.

00:17:55.080 Because the story is so horrible.

00:17:58.440 Yeah, it's pretty bad.

00:17:59.840 Horrible.

00:18:00.560 That's pretty bad.

00:18:02.060 Anyway.

00:18:02.540 I'm speechless.

00:18:03.700 Yeah, it's wild.

00:18:05.660 I don't have anything like that.

00:18:07.400 It's...

00:18:07.840 I...

00:18:08.640 It was...

00:18:09.580 That was the...

00:18:10.540 That was one of the wildest things.

00:18:14.320 Did it happen soon after that?

00:18:16.040 Um, the next year.

00:18:17.780 Because, like, he came back...

00:18:18.940 I thought you were going to say, like, five years.

00:18:21.100 No, no, no.

00:18:21.660 The next year.

00:18:22.380 Because, like, we had the school year.

00:18:23.980 Because I came, like...

00:18:24.860 I...

00:18:25.160 We had...

00:18:25.600 It was toward the end of the school year.

00:18:26.560 He started...

00:18:27.200 Did I arrive during the school year in seventh grade?

00:18:29.180 No, I started...

00:18:29.680 I started the whole year there.

00:18:30.900 And I came back the next year.

00:18:31.760 When we came back, he was in bad shape.

00:18:34.740 But he was still an asshole.

00:18:38.560 And what's the tea on that?

00:18:40.260 I mean, it's because...

00:18:41.380 It's because who you are is who you are.

00:18:43.440 Yeah.

00:18:43.700 And your circumstances create you.

00:18:45.120 And having something bad happen to you...

00:18:46.800 Or not bad.

00:18:47.700 I don't want to say that that is bad.

00:18:48.820 But having afflictions doesn't make you a better person.

00:18:51.840 No.

00:18:52.260 You know?

00:18:52.740 If you're a monster and you end up, like, you know, breaking your legs,

00:18:56.720 you're just a monster with a broken leg.

00:18:58.440 You know what I mean?

00:18:59.260 You're just an asshole with a broken leg.

00:19:00.720 So he kept...

00:19:01.680 But I didn't make fun of him anymore.

00:19:03.960 But...

00:19:04.600 Yeah, he was...

00:19:06.640 Yeah.

00:19:07.700 Anyway...

00:19:08.700 Where did you...

00:19:09.200 Where did this appear on imports?

00:19:10.500 Where is this from?

00:19:12.400 Because this is...

00:19:13.600 Is this handcraft or is this like an Etsy thing?

00:19:16.260 It's fake.

00:19:18.260 I know that.

00:19:20.860 You're right.

00:19:21.420 That is pretty bad.

00:19:22.420 Yeah, it's bad.

00:19:22.920 I did not expect that to go that way.

00:19:25.480 I know.

00:19:26.040 No one ever does.

00:19:28.000 I was shocked.

00:19:29.120 You just gagged me.

00:19:30.440 Oh, yeah.

00:19:30.920 That was good.

00:19:32.300 Holy shit.

00:19:33.520 Where do I even go from there?

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00:20:36.220 He's talking about roasting.

00:20:37.560 Yeah, okay.

00:20:38.100 I'm sorry.

00:20:38.600 Roasting.

00:20:39.760 Roasting.

00:20:41.120 You know what makes a good roast?

00:20:43.500 Seasoning.

00:20:44.220 Vegetables.

00:20:44.760 No, kidding.

00:20:46.040 I was going to ask you, though, what would you say is your go-to when you're trying to

00:20:51.820 roast someone, whether it's, like, we'll do two categories, like a friend, like someone

00:20:55.780 that you love, and then someone that you, like, hate, someone that's just awful.

00:21:00.260 Well, I think that with a roast, if it's like a show, if it's an actual show, because I tend

00:21:07.620 to roast people that I, you know, really, really appreciate, and you, it's really always

00:21:11.760 fun when you take something, and you, if people don't see the bit coming from a mile

00:21:19.180 away, that's when you usually get the best reaction.

00:21:22.520 Yeah, that's true.

00:21:23.380 When they don't, when they didn't realize that the joke was going to go in the direction

00:21:27.060 that it went.

00:21:29.060 You know what I mean?

00:21:31.160 And if you listen to my, my podcast is Sibling Rivalry, and me and my best friend are constantly

00:21:38.320 roasting each other, and Monet X Change is, I mean, it's silly stuff, like, from the fact

00:21:43.440 that, like, Monet X Change, one day I just realized that we didn't grow up in the same

00:21:48.240 tax bracket.

00:21:48.980 Like, I didn't realize that Monet grew up rich, and I grew up poor, and I had, but I just thought

00:21:53.580 that we both grew up poor.

00:21:55.260 I don't know why.

00:21:56.100 Yeah.

00:21:56.380 We have so much in common, and I realized that Monet is, like, grew up like this f***ing

00:22:00.720 rich kid, and I was like, this is crazy.

00:22:04.360 Yeah.

00:22:04.740 So, so, now the, the fans have started commenting and stuff, like, Monet called one, Monet's mom

00:22:10.060 called during the podcast one time, and then, and then the fans were like, you know, you

00:22:14.320 should answer, the comments were like, answer, your mom's trying to tell you that the maid

00:22:17.740 fell from the chandelier.

00:22:19.660 And I don't know why they just tickled me so much, because, I think that was, maybe that

00:22:23.580 was my defense mechanism, being like, I did not realize that we, like, it was, it was

00:22:27.840 like, it was giving, you know, rich, rich dad, poor dad kind of thing.

00:22:30.820 And I was the.

00:22:31.640 Your dynamic.

00:22:32.380 Yeah.

00:22:32.760 Yeah, exactly.

00:22:33.560 But I, I love, I love to subvert it.

00:22:35.580 I love to, uh, take a joke and, and, and kind of spin it.

00:22:39.000 Yeah.

00:22:39.180 And that's what makes a roast, like an actual roast show.

00:22:42.580 In my opinion, what makes it great is that everyone there is in on it.

00:22:46.160 Yeah.

00:22:46.760 It is consensual.

00:22:47.820 Yeah, they've all consented to it.

00:22:48.860 Everyone in the audience has agreed to watch it, and the people in the, in, in, or on the

00:22:54.260 dais have agreed, they're like, I'm going to let you say really horrible things about

00:22:58.200 me that normally wouldn't be said in other places.

00:23:00.160 Yeah.

00:23:00.420 But it's, it is consensual.

00:23:01.640 That's why I love roast.

00:23:02.440 For the sake of entertainment.

00:23:03.720 Yeah.

00:23:04.100 Yeah.

00:23:04.480 That's why I think roasts are, are fun.

00:23:06.180 Yeah.

00:23:06.440 There is stuff I wouldn't say, there is stuff I say in a roast that I would not say to someone.

00:23:10.500 Yeah.

00:23:10.940 Out in the streets.

00:23:11.580 Yeah, or just like, if you're having casual conversation, or if it's like a regular interview

00:23:15.740 or any interaction or anything like that.

00:23:17.740 Yeah.

00:23:17.840 Yeah, you wouldn't bring it up.

00:23:18.560 I feel that.

00:23:19.220 Like, typically speaking, if I'm talking, if I'm like, if me and my friends make fun of

00:23:21.960 each other, I would, I would, I would never make fun of my friends' bodies.

00:23:28.160 Well, now, I used to do this when I was younger, but I've just, I've grown over the years.

00:23:31.900 I wouldn't make fun of your, I wouldn't make fun of something you can't change in the next

00:23:35.440 like 30 minutes.

00:23:37.600 Yeah.

00:23:37.800 I mean, I'll make fun of your outfit, I'll make fun of like a hair choice you made, not

00:23:41.480 like, not even like a hair, if you got like a horrible haircut, I'm like, I'll wait till

00:23:45.060 it grows out, and then once it grows out, I'll be like, you remember the time.

00:23:47.020 Then we can laugh about it.

00:23:47.680 Yeah, you remember the time you had the bangs from, you know, the Yolandi fissure bangs,

00:23:50.900 that kind of thing.

00:23:51.960 But I won't do it in the moment.

00:23:53.760 So choices they made, things they say, things they do.

00:23:55.800 They're like limits that you have.

00:23:56.900 Yeah.

00:23:57.260 I feel that.

00:23:57.880 Exactly.

00:23:58.500 But at a roast, I will.

00:24:00.520 Yeah.

00:24:00.740 At a roast, it's open game.

00:24:01.960 We've agreed, yeah.

00:24:02.560 I feel that.

00:24:03.080 Yeah, there's like, I've had men, see, my thing with, like, obviously my whole platform

00:24:09.040 is like roasting terrible shithead dudes, but like, every time it's like, it's consensual

00:24:14.460 to an extent, because you chose to make fun of someone else, so I'm assuming that you're

00:24:17.900 cool with being made fun of.

00:24:19.320 And a lot of times when I make fun of them, they get mad at me, because they're like,

00:24:23.460 well, that's just so mean, that's body shaming.

00:24:26.180 And I'm like, well, it wasn't body shaming when you did it, but it's body shaming when I

00:24:29.800 do it.

00:24:30.220 Like, so then they'll make fun of my body and what I look like.

00:24:33.000 And they're like, what if I said this about you?

00:24:34.720 I don't care.

00:24:35.980 You said whatever you want about me.

00:24:37.400 You go first, and then I'll go second.

00:24:39.060 You know what's really funny?

00:24:39.940 They go, that's body shaming.

00:24:41.060 You go, yeah.

00:24:42.580 What?

00:24:43.900 Your body's a shame.

00:24:46.220 You should be ashamed.

00:24:47.380 You should be ashamed.

00:24:49.320 Your body's a mess.

00:24:51.720 I just feel like if you're so open to commenting on other people's bodies with no provocation,

00:24:57.660 like, they didn't bother you, they didn't do anything to you, I figure you're cool with

00:25:00.920 being commented on, too.

00:25:02.080 Well, it's good for the goose.

00:25:02.980 It's good for the gander.

00:25:03.880 If you're going to call someone fat online, especially as if it's an insult, the word fat

00:25:11.160 itself is not an insult.

00:25:12.060 If you're using it as a pejorative, and you're trying to make fun of someone's body, you cannot

00:25:16.140 be shocked when someone makes fun of the fact that you live in L.A., but your hairline

00:25:19.820 lives in Riverdale.

00:25:20.520 And this is coming from someone who has the affliction of baldness myself.

00:25:27.020 See?

00:25:27.380 But I also can afford-

00:25:28.060 Someone who's bald, who's my friend.

00:25:29.520 But I can afford wigs, and I wear them.

00:25:32.640 You know what I mean?

00:25:33.080 And what's stopping you?

00:25:33.820 Yeah, what's stopping you?

00:25:35.700 Wigs are, I, you know, I once had a hairpiece.

00:25:39.180 Yeah.

00:25:39.540 I know a barber who's really good, and he does, like, great hairpieces.

00:25:42.280 You wouldn't even be able to clock it.

00:25:42.940 They do it all the time.

00:25:44.040 I saw they do that knee surgery, too, to make you, like, two inches taller.

00:25:47.380 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:48.300 Well, you know, the thing about balding is, like, when you lose your hair, you realize

00:25:53.680 that, like, you have this, like, really short window where you can fix it.

00:25:57.340 And some of us are, we, like, we lost our hair before the technology was good.

00:26:05.600 And when you catch a guy, and you get him right in the ball spot, and he's like, oh,

00:26:14.260 man, this bitch got me.

00:26:15.900 And he knows, and he's just mad.

00:26:17.720 He's just, like, he's furious.

00:26:19.740 Like, he's, because he's, like, she got me.

00:26:21.320 There's nothing I can do about it.

00:26:22.380 So then he's like, a fat bitch!

00:26:24.060 Fat bitch!

00:26:26.300 Sometimes I'll tell them to just say that it's thinning, even if it's not.

00:26:29.940 Because they're going to think about that forever.

00:26:31.240 Oh, yeah.

00:26:31.920 They're going to go in the home, and they're going to be like, it's not thinning.

00:26:35.500 She's crazy.

00:26:36.280 Especially, like, no, no, no, like, right in these areas.

00:26:38.260 Like, if you look here, it looks, it's giving, um.

00:26:40.460 The arches.

00:26:41.140 Yeah, it's giving, it's giving Jack Nicholson in Joker.

00:26:44.760 But it, but it looks, but it looks, and then hit him with a, but it looks good on you.

00:26:47.880 It looks, honestly, on you.

00:26:48.860 Yeah.

00:26:49.520 You tell him, I wish I was as confident as you to rock that.

00:26:52.960 You are so brave.

00:26:54.120 You are so brave.

00:26:54.920 You are so brave to not wear a hat in public.

00:26:57.560 Oh, that's so brave.

00:26:58.760 I know.

00:26:59.320 I love that you did that.

00:27:00.220 And I think that a lot of guys who are also losing their hair, also, that's an important word.

00:27:03.820 A lot of guys who are also losing their hair, they're going to look up to you and say, I, too, can leave the house, despite how little hair I have.

00:27:11.740 Representation matters.

00:27:13.000 It does.

00:27:13.680 It's nice to see yourself represented in media.

00:27:15.680 In the media.

00:27:15.980 This is amazing.

00:27:16.880 That's what it is.

00:27:17.340 I bet when you were a kid and you watched Caillou, you were like, that's me.

00:27:21.900 I looked staring down the barrel of the future.

00:27:24.300 There it is.

00:27:24.420 You know what I mean?

00:27:25.120 There it is.

00:27:25.740 They could see it so clearly.

00:27:27.080 But, but yeah.

00:27:27.840 I mean, there are times, like, I'm trying to think, have I ever, have I ever, like, roasted someone that I don't care for?

00:27:33.040 I mean, maybe, um, uh, former president, future ex-convict Donald Trump.

00:27:37.500 I probably roasted him a little bit.

00:27:39.300 Um, but outside of that, I, most of my roasting is, uh, typically.

00:27:44.760 Lovingly.

00:27:46.100 Well, professionally.

00:27:47.540 Professionally.

00:27:47.980 Yeah.

00:27:48.520 I mean, I have roasted people who are, who I don't necessarily, like, love.

00:27:52.100 Like, I, I, I did, I probably, I can say, can I say this?

00:27:56.980 We'll find out.

00:27:57.700 Yeah.

00:27:57.960 I did, I did the roast of Whitney Cummings.

00:27:59.860 Ooh.

00:28:00.240 And there were, like, a lot of comedians on that day as who I didn't necessarily know.

00:28:03.020 Yeah.

00:28:03.320 But it was a professional setting where we all agreed.

00:28:05.580 Where you guys don't really know each other.

00:28:06.880 You don't have a personal, like, in a personal relationship with them.

00:28:09.540 Yeah.

00:28:09.820 So, I will, I will roast people that I don't necessarily love.

00:28:12.160 Yeah.

00:28:12.320 But, but it is, but I do have a professional respect for them in their craft.

00:28:15.100 I feel that.

00:28:15.880 Yeah.

00:28:16.140 I think, like, too, with, um, with roasting, I've told people this before, because some

00:28:20.540 people have asked me, like, how do I get good or fast, like, quick at, at, at, like,

00:28:24.740 roasting.

00:28:25.480 And I was, like, honestly, I think reps, to be honest, like, just consistently do it.

00:28:30.360 Oh, yeah.

00:28:30.600 I've done it since, like, you were, when you were younger, just like me, too.

00:28:36.360 Like, not as old as you.

00:28:37.760 I did that, not quite like that, but I did that also.

00:28:42.780 Um, it's just, like, getting made fun of all the time and, like, joking with people all

00:28:46.140 the time.

00:28:46.460 But I said, more than anything, you have to learn how to take a joke.

00:28:49.180 Yeah.

00:28:49.320 Like, if they, the same way that you dish, you have to be able to take it, which I think

00:28:52.960 is what they're missing half the time.

00:28:54.440 Like, all the dudes who f***ing hate me and want to talk s*** about me, um, they cannot

00:28:58.440 take a joke.

00:28:59.480 I'm like, I thought we were having a silly, goofy time.

00:29:01.460 Yeah.

00:29:01.660 I love to goof, I love to gaff, I love to laugh, you know what I mean?

00:29:05.180 So, I thought we were having a silly time.

00:29:07.260 Well, the strange thing, too, like, whenever I do one of their roasts, like, I really have

00:29:12.700 no qualms with anyone coming for, I mean, whenever I, I find that, typically speaking at a roast,

00:29:18.300 roasting someone's physical appearance is a lot less me than roasting their essence.

00:29:23.020 Yeah.

00:29:23.200 Like, if I make fun of you for being short, versus making fun of you for just being who

00:29:27.780 you are.

00:29:29.280 Just being you.

00:29:30.700 Like, it's just because you're you.

00:29:32.280 Yeah.

00:29:32.820 Like, there's-

00:29:33.380 Like, you tell them, like, you're-

00:29:35.600 A bad person.

00:29:36.800 You're exactly who you are, if that makes sense.

00:29:39.180 One of my favorite, one of my favorite roasts I saw was, uh, I can't remember what roast

00:29:43.700 it was, they got up, and they just, like, read off a bunch of things about the person.

00:29:48.100 They were like, none of your friends like to be around you, you're a bad person, you don't

00:29:51.680 tip at restaurants, there's a reason why none of your exes talk to you, um, you've, you've

00:29:56.260 not, you won't be invited back to any of your jobs, and they just kind of read all these

00:29:59.840 things off, but it wasn't anything about their physical appearance, and I'm like, damn, bitch,

00:30:03.520 call me bald.

00:30:05.000 Jesus Christ.

00:30:06.540 That is, damn.

00:30:08.460 My, my, for me, I feel like the worst they say about me is like, oh, like, well, to me,

00:30:15.000 I, when they say things like, oh, if I, you know, if I had sex with this girl, if I

00:30:21.380 f*** this girl, if I did this, if I was dating her, if I did that, I'm like, I'd rather you

00:30:24.980 call me fat and ugly.

00:30:25.740 Yeah.

00:30:27.500 Don't.

00:30:27.960 It's like, I see you live in fantasy land.

00:30:29.360 Yeah, no.

00:30:29.440 That will literally never happen.

00:30:31.280 Cosplaying a relationship with me, that's the rudest thing you could ever say to me.

00:30:33.840 Oh my god, that's what they're, they're, they're.

00:30:35.900 Cosplaying.

00:30:36.440 And they're doing the whole.

00:30:37.780 Fanfiction.

00:30:38.400 Oh my god, they're fanfictioning with you.

00:30:39.940 All that, living in it.

00:30:40.580 Wattpad Central, you know what I mean?

00:30:41.960 That, that is more offensive to me than just calling me fat, ugly bitch.

00:30:45.480 I'd rather you call me that.

00:30:46.300 Yeah, just call me fat and ugly.

00:30:47.180 No, that's cool, that's cool, I'm cool with that, but you saying things about like, if

00:30:50.560 I was having sex, stop.

00:30:51.940 Like, why would I ever lay in the same bed as you?

00:30:54.200 I wouldn't even be your lab partner, so.

00:30:56.060 Make it make sense, man.

00:30:57.020 I wouldn't even hold the door open for you.

00:30:58.500 I love leaning into the microphone to try to make my point more poignant.

00:31:03.140 I think like, yeah, there's like a, a level of, there's levels of roasting too, because

00:31:09.760 I've talked about, sometimes I'll do roasting and I'll make jokes and sometimes they're like,

00:31:13.380 oh, you left out something super obvious, but it always has to do with their physical

00:31:16.760 appearance, and I'm always like, that's too easy, that's too easy.

00:31:20.280 Calling them short and bald is funny because it bothers them every time.

00:31:23.200 That's the only reason, like, I've said, that's only funny to me because it still bothers you.

00:31:28.360 As soon as it stops bothering you, I'll retire it.

00:31:30.620 I'll take it out of the arsenal.

00:31:31.780 There's a clip of that, that there's like a lady in a truck, and there's a guy standing

00:31:36.620 outside, and he's like yelling at her, and then he's like, like.

00:31:40.280 Is he like berating her?

00:31:41.460 Yeah.

00:31:41.860 Yeah, he's like calling her, you're fat, you're ugly.

00:31:43.520 And she's just like, she doesn't even, she just goes, you're literally bald.

00:31:47.860 And.

00:31:48.660 Yes, I have seen that one.

00:31:49.640 And something in his brain, he's like, he's like.

00:31:56.140 He's like, get out of the car.

00:31:57.760 Get out of the car.

00:31:59.460 I have seen that one.

00:32:01.140 And he like goes.

00:32:02.600 Gremlin.

00:32:02.960 And also the crazy thing is like, as if he did not know.

00:32:06.640 It was like she.

00:32:08.100 He's finding out right that minute.

00:32:09.500 It was like she broke the news.

00:32:12.860 And also for like bald guys, this is from, listen, like bald guys, this is someone from

00:32:17.740 your, this is from your community.

00:32:19.460 I'm from your community.

00:32:20.360 Like when you're bald, do you, and you're like doing witchcraft and macrame and, uh, you

00:32:29.560 know, nonsense to try to cover it up.

00:32:32.500 Do you think we don't see it?

00:32:34.300 But then also I never understood the bald people, the bald guys who, man, this is your, up to

00:32:40.120 you.

00:32:40.340 Wear what you want to wear.

00:32:41.260 But who's rocking the horseshoe?

00:32:44.220 Who's like, who, how are you getting dressed?

00:32:50.560 You spent all this time putting on a full, you put on the whole suit.

00:32:55.580 Yeah.

00:32:56.060 You buttoned it up.

00:32:57.060 You tied your, you brushed your teeth, which means you had to look in the mirror.

00:33:00.660 At some point.

00:33:01.580 At some point.

00:33:02.480 Yeah.

00:33:03.440 You know what I mean?

00:33:04.040 And you saw that you have hair here.

00:33:07.360 You saw you have hair here and back there, but there's nothing on top.

00:33:11.400 Did you never think shave that part off?

00:33:14.040 My boyfriend.

00:33:14.460 That's insane.

00:33:15.300 My boyfriend says all the time.

00:33:16.440 He's like, let it go.

00:33:17.900 She's gone.

00:33:18.740 Let her go.

00:33:19.340 Become one with the wind in the sky.

00:33:20.660 Yeah.

00:33:20.960 Literally.

00:33:21.540 Do what I did in the hotel and do it and let it go.

00:33:23.920 Burn her ashes and push it out to sea.

00:33:26.180 Or do something about it.

00:33:29.040 Go get a toupee.

00:33:30.240 There are some amazing.

00:33:31.640 The ones they glue on your head.

00:33:32.860 There are some amazing hair.

00:33:34.220 People wouldn't even be able to tell from up close.

00:33:36.840 Yeah.

00:33:37.060 There's even ones I've seen where they glue it on their head and then they have people

00:33:40.240 pulling it to see if it comes off.

00:33:42.280 And it doesn't.

00:33:42.780 I just don't know why you would wear that hairstyle.

00:33:44.640 They're wigged down.

00:33:45.680 Doesn't Dr. Phil wear that?

00:33:47.140 Yeah.

00:33:48.620 Maybe that's part of his branding, though.

00:33:50.200 He's sitting down in hair and makeup.

00:33:52.860 And then he stands up and then they go, final looks, last looks.

00:33:56.700 And he's beat to the gods.

00:33:58.040 He's got a full face on.

00:33:59.540 And then someone looks and goes, you look good.

00:34:01.600 That person lied to you.

00:34:03.200 No real friends.

00:34:03.600 And they don't like you.

00:34:04.700 No real friends.

00:34:06.020 Have you ever watched this show?

00:34:08.220 Yeah, I have.

00:34:08.960 It's so, it is, it is a very weird show.

00:34:11.860 It's also not real.

00:34:13.020 Like, no part of it is real.

00:34:14.240 It's like reality TV.

00:34:15.520 Honestly, like.

00:34:16.140 He's in drag.

00:34:16.900 He's in doctor drag.

00:34:18.260 He's not a doctor.

00:34:19.420 He's cosplaying as a doctor.

00:34:20.740 He's not licensed.

00:34:21.720 He's not a doctor, yeah.

00:34:22.940 And he.

00:34:23.440 By any means.

00:34:24.200 And he just bullies people on his show.

00:34:25.520 It is so, it is very weird.

00:34:27.080 And he, like, starts fights and then, like, watches them unfold.

00:34:30.560 That's, like, kind of his thing.

00:34:32.040 Yeah, and then says stuff like, well, listen, doesn't matter how, how flat you cook a pancake,

00:34:36.600 every pancake's still got two sides.

00:34:38.560 And then says, like, really weird, like, southern.

00:34:41.060 Isms.

00:34:41.740 Isms.

00:34:42.460 And it's like, bitch, you're not Dr. Seuss.

00:34:45.720 You're Dr. Phil.

00:34:46.140 I could say, I could say things, too.

00:34:47.980 Yeah, like.

00:34:48.620 All day long.

00:34:49.100 Just because you said something.

00:34:50.080 Does it.

00:34:50.760 His show needs to be canceled.

00:34:52.300 I'm going to go ahead and say that right now.

00:34:54.000 His show needs to be booked off the air.

00:34:54.600 You're like, if Dr. Phil has one hater, it's me.

00:34:57.020 And if he has no haters, I'm dead.

00:34:59.300 Like, Dr. Phil's show, it has to come off the air.

00:35:03.600 It has to.

00:35:04.580 He's making a bag off that, too.

00:35:06.480 Oh, so much money.

00:35:08.260 So much money.

00:35:09.040 And all the people that come off the show that, like, open up later about how he, like, verbally

00:35:13.960 and mentally abused them, both on the show and after the show, I'm like, that's crazy.

00:35:18.700 I have a Google Drive folder full of roast jokes that I've written.

00:35:26.600 About famous people or just, or, like, over your professional thing?

00:35:29.560 They're mostly about drag queens.

00:35:30.840 Got you.

00:35:31.200 So they're, like, from gigs from the past.

00:35:33.000 Yeah.

00:35:33.500 And maybe, Devilana, I'll read you some of my roast jokes.

00:35:36.060 Oh, I would love that.

00:35:37.020 I would love that.

00:35:39.440 I think, too, that's why I told you, like, if you can roast in the world of drag,

00:35:43.840 I feel like your skin's bulletproof at this point.

00:35:46.980 It's got to be, probably.

00:35:48.300 Yeah.

00:35:48.540 I mean, there's nothing you can say about me that, you know, that.

00:35:50.920 That would affect you.

00:35:51.720 Yeah.

00:35:52.380 Same.

00:35:52.760 I've said that, like, I'm sure, I don't know if you get this question a lot, because

00:35:55.800 obviously you've made a literal living off of roasting, too, and you currently do now.

00:36:00.480 But, like, do people ever ask you, like, how do you not, like, let things bother you?

00:36:05.180 How do you not let hate bother you or whatever?

00:36:07.400 I get that question a lot.

00:36:09.080 I guess people do ask sometimes.

00:36:10.920 I would rather them ask that question than people, you know what I really don't, like,

00:36:16.260 where I'm really, like, excuse me?

00:36:20.620 When people say stuff like, when people call you, like, brave, or, like, how do you go out

00:36:25.520 there?

00:36:27.620 I'm like.

00:36:28.900 What do you mean?

00:36:29.560 It's like, wow, I love that you put yourself on the internet.

00:36:32.680 And I'm like, yeah, bitch.

00:36:34.700 What do you mean by that?

00:36:35.680 And you don't care what people say it.

00:36:36.640 I'm like, wait.

00:36:37.920 You know what?

00:36:38.720 Every once in a while someone gets me off, catch me off guard.

00:36:41.040 I will never forget this day.

00:36:42.600 I was at a bar in Seattle, Washington called Our Place.

00:36:46.040 And this guy came up to me and he goes, he goes, you know what I love about you, Bob?

00:36:51.480 I was at a meet and greet.

00:36:52.340 This guy paid to be there.

00:36:54.460 He goes, you know what I love about you?

00:36:55.400 I said, what is it?

00:36:56.360 And he goes, for you, it's about the performance.

00:36:58.700 I said, yeah, yeah.

00:36:59.600 You know, I focus on the performance.

00:37:00.860 And then he goes, you don't care what you look like.

00:37:06.900 I was like.

00:37:09.660 I was like, honestly, you ate with that one.

00:37:12.300 Can I have the room, please?

00:37:13.600 And it's because he thought it was.

00:37:14.700 What made it so crazy, he thought he was giving me the highest company.

00:37:18.620 He goes, you don't care what you look like.

00:37:20.880 You look like this and you go out there with so much confidence and that inspires me.

00:37:25.340 It made it crazy.

00:37:26.180 Yo, I was in drag with me.

00:37:27.360 I spent at least two hours getting ready.

00:37:30.920 I don't care what I look like.

00:37:32.800 You're like, I looked my absolute best at that point.

00:37:35.160 Honestly.

00:37:35.520 At least so I thought.

00:37:36.460 He gathered.

00:37:37.340 You know what?

00:37:38.080 He gathered.

00:37:38.680 I've said that before.

00:37:39.660 I'm like, the only.

00:37:40.780 Because they're like, has anyone ever said a roast about you that actually hurt your feelings?

00:37:44.800 And I was like, no.

00:37:45.640 The people who read me the house down are the people who love me the most.

00:37:49.780 They'll say the things with such love and adoration and she scalps me, bitch.

00:37:54.580 Oh, yeah.

00:37:54.820 Like every time.

00:37:55.860 I literally had a girl come up to me once with her friend.

00:37:59.080 I forget where I was.

00:37:59.880 I think it was at Disneyland.

00:38:01.040 She comes up.

00:38:01.800 They're standing behind us.

00:38:02.640 She comes and she's like, oh, my gosh.

00:38:04.540 Like, and she like taps me on the shoulder.

00:38:05.960 I turn around.

00:38:06.420 I'm with my boyfriend.

00:38:07.180 Just the two of us.

00:38:08.300 She's like, oh, my God.

00:38:09.640 Such a big fan.

00:38:10.560 Like, I love your content.

00:38:11.880 Blah, blah, blah.

00:38:12.320 And I was like, thank you so much.

00:38:13.900 And she goes, yeah.

00:38:14.700 And, you know, I saw you, but I wasn't sure if it was you.

00:38:16.920 And I was like, oh, yeah.

00:38:17.780 She goes, yeah, because you're like way prettier in person.

00:38:21.100 And I said, okay.

00:38:23.720 And she said it with so much emphasis on way that it caught me off guard.

00:38:27.920 So it's just that, like, whenever you come on TikTok, it's like it's a jump scare.

00:38:31.420 Yeah.

00:38:31.680 But in person, you look nice.

00:38:33.600 On TikTok, you're a big thuggo.

00:38:34.900 But in real life, I'm like, wow.

00:38:36.760 So that's why she goes, that's literally why I didn't come up to you.

00:38:38.860 Because I was like, that can't be her.

00:38:40.140 Okay.

00:38:41.960 No, for sure.

00:38:42.580 Because you're like such a troll.

00:38:43.640 Yeah.

00:38:44.020 And in real life, this is like, you know.

00:38:46.000 Yeah.

00:38:46.400 No, for sure.

00:38:47.320 Elaborate more.

00:38:48.000 I want to hear more about how you thought.

00:38:49.060 Oh, they will keep digging.

00:38:50.220 Oh, yeah.

00:38:50.700 So then I was just like, okay.

00:38:52.400 Like, listening to her.

00:38:53.500 And then she goes, but yeah.

00:38:55.420 Anyways, my friend told me it was you.

00:38:56.600 And it turns out it is.

00:38:57.600 So I was really happy.

00:38:58.800 I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.

00:39:00.440 And I was like, thanks.

00:39:02.120 And then her friend goes, yeah, me too.

00:39:04.480 I was telling her, by the way, that was so rude to her friend.

00:39:08.400 And she goes, anyways, sorry about that.

00:39:11.060 And she keeps talking.

00:39:11.980 And her friend goes, well, I didn't mean it that way.

00:39:13.580 Like, that's not what I meant.

00:39:14.460 And I was like, see, I don't want to be in part of this conversation anymore.

00:39:17.900 I would like to.

00:39:18.640 I feel like you guys don't need me.

00:39:20.240 I'd like to be excused from this narrative.

00:39:22.540 I'd like if you guys didn't need me for this conversation.

00:39:25.200 I feel like you guys don't.

00:39:26.200 Imagine if she took the picture with you and was like, oh, there's it you right now.

00:39:29.040 Like, she's like, there it is.

00:39:33.160 See, now I know for sure.

00:39:34.460 That's you.

00:39:35.240 Now I know for sure.

00:39:36.880 Kim Chi is a popular drag queen.

00:39:40.520 She's like a popular drag queen.

00:39:43.660 So Kim Chi, someone came up to Kim Chi at a meet and greet.

00:39:45.940 And it was like a fat Mexican person.

00:39:48.560 And they came and they said, I just want you to know that Valentina makes me proud to be Mexican.

00:39:53.300 And you make me proud to be fat.

00:39:56.640 And Kim was just looking and Kim was just so caught off guard.

00:40:01.560 Kim was because Kim, Kim didn't know where this was going.

00:40:04.480 You make me proud.

00:40:06.080 But they didn't know.

00:40:06.820 Kim and the person goes, and you make me proud to be fat.

00:40:10.040 And then posed for the picture.

00:40:11.740 And the picture is Kim being like.

00:40:15.060 OK, no, for sure.

00:40:17.820 That was never part of Kim's story on drag race or anything.

00:40:22.120 And Kim was just like, oh.

00:40:23.500 It never is, is it?

00:40:24.820 Kim was like, wow.

00:40:26.020 Well, all right.

00:40:26.740 And then she's like.

00:40:29.620 And Kim was just like, yeah.

00:40:32.060 Yeah, that definitely got it.

00:40:34.180 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:35.200 Like, the worst are the people who love you.

00:40:38.140 The people who love you the most.

00:40:39.320 They're the meanest.

00:40:40.120 But at a rose, it hit her heart's my feeling because I knew what I was signing up for.

00:40:45.300 And I knew what I was getting myself into.

00:40:47.220 And that was the whole goal.

00:40:48.380 And honestly, when you get me with a joke that I've never heard, I love it.

00:40:54.280 If I'm at a roast and you get me with a joke that I've never heard before, you hit me with something.

00:41:01.080 Because if you're going to call me black or you're going to call me gay, you're going to say I look like a man in drag.

00:41:06.980 I've heard all of that stuff.

00:41:08.960 It's boring.

00:41:09.980 Yeah, every once in a while someone gets me with something that's completely brand new.

00:41:13.300 Same, same.

00:41:14.020 I did one thing that was, like, roasting.

00:41:15.940 It was, like, for Smosh, the YouTubers.

00:41:18.220 I did, like, a funeral roast.

00:41:19.460 Yeah, I know Smosh.

00:41:19.520 Yeah, like, where I died and people were at my funeral and they roasted me.

00:41:24.200 And Spencer, like, Spensois, he came as, like, a guest star.

00:41:29.080 And he ate me down.

00:41:31.140 Like, I loved how, like, everyone else, I think, sometimes I think people are afraid to be mean to me.

00:41:35.600 Because they're afraid of what I will say.

00:41:38.020 The retaliation.

00:41:38.780 Yeah, like, do you know Leo Gonzalez on TikTok?

00:41:42.460 Okay, you should look him up.

00:41:43.360 He's so funny.

00:41:43.980 He does, like.

00:41:44.360 I might recognize.

00:41:45.120 I'm going to look at his picture while you talk.

00:41:46.660 Yeah, he's.

00:41:46.960 I might recognize his picture.

00:41:47.840 He's, uh.

00:41:48.220 Leo Gonzalez on TikTok.

00:41:49.220 Yeah, he's a comedian.

00:41:50.740 But he does a lot of skits and stuff.

00:41:52.360 But he is so funny.

00:41:53.280 And I had him on my show.

00:41:54.860 And the two of us literally roasted each other for, like, ten minutes.

00:41:59.740 But he said some of the meanest shit I've ever heard in my life to me.

00:42:03.740 Like, he told me I looked like I, if I worked in a mall, I looked like I worked at those kiosks in the middle of the mall that sell neon signs.

00:42:10.960 And I was like, bitch.

00:42:13.620 He's like, you know, like.

00:42:14.500 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:15.020 No, I know.

00:42:15.440 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:16.280 Yeah.

00:42:16.680 That's why he cracks me up.

00:42:18.600 Because he says mean shit that, like, you would never think of that also has nothing to do with looks.

00:42:23.200 Do you know Robin Tran?

00:42:24.580 I don't think so.

00:42:25.400 Robin Tran is a, ironically, she's a trans comedian.

00:42:30.100 She's a trans comedian.

00:42:30.940 And she, pretty early in her transition, she's a comedian before she publicly transitioned.

00:42:39.940 And then, so, she does these roasts that are just, like, vicious.

00:42:43.760 I mean, it is just, I mean, it is vicious.

00:42:49.220 She is roasting down.

00:42:52.120 And they come at her with some pretty, you know, vitriolic stuff as well.

00:42:55.300 Yeah.

00:42:56.480 That's always so lazy to me.

00:42:58.320 Yeah.

00:42:58.620 You know what I mean?

00:42:58.840 One of my favorite reads was from Naomi Smalls.

00:43:00.960 Naomi Smalls had a great read for Derrick Barry on our season.

00:43:03.860 She goes, because Derrick Barry, Naomi Smalls was like, you gotta have, listen, if you're under this, you have to have thick skin.

00:43:09.720 Yeah.

00:43:09.960 And then, and then, and then, Derrick Barry, yeah, and it looks like you have thick skin.

00:43:16.460 And then, and then Naomi says, and you have thin hair.

00:43:20.660 And the, the speed with which she said that, the, it was, it was how fast she said it.

00:43:28.100 It was like Derrick Barry didn't even finish the sentence.

00:43:31.180 And, and Naomi had it locked and loaded.

00:43:33.540 And the worst that you can do, if you have like a, like a roast back and forth, once you get the whole room to like laugh at that person.

00:43:39.980 You lost.

00:43:40.820 You can't win them back.

00:43:41.480 You can't come back.

00:43:42.100 It's hard to win them back at that point.

00:43:43.940 It's impossible.

00:43:44.540 I feel that.

00:43:45.380 I think too, like, I would love, I've, I've had people ask me like, can you go on tour and roast people?

00:43:50.380 And I was like, I mean, I guess, but like, you would have to consent to it.

00:43:55.080 And also if you're a fan of mine, I don't want to make too much fun of you.

00:43:58.460 Oh yeah, that's the thing too.

00:43:59.180 You know what I mean?

00:43:59.620 Like when you're known for being funny, people will be like, read me.

00:44:04.480 Yeah.

00:44:05.380 Read me.

00:44:06.900 And I'm like, with no context?

00:44:08.700 I know.

00:44:09.120 I got to know a little bit about you.

00:44:10.660 Like, I don't know, I don't know anything, anything about you.

00:44:13.780 Read me.

00:44:14.580 And it's just be, even if not, just a comment, read me.

00:44:17.520 And I'm like, your, your profile picture is a sunset.

00:44:20.900 Like, what am I going to, how can I read you?

00:44:23.360 I know.

00:44:23.760 I've had people be like, can you roast my boyfriend?

00:44:25.620 I'm like, well, first of all, no.

00:44:26.880 Like, I don't get involved in your interpersonal relationships because I don't know.

00:44:30.680 Because they're like, oh, my ex is awful, blah, blah, blah.

00:44:33.560 And I'll just like hype them up.

00:44:35.140 I won't necessarily roast them.

00:44:36.840 But I'm like, I need more context.

00:44:38.540 I can't just do that just because, you know what I mean?

00:44:41.260 Like, I need, I need to know a little bit more.

00:44:42.800 I need to see some pictures.

00:44:44.580 Did you used to watch the roast on Comedy Central?

00:44:46.940 Yeah.

00:44:47.620 Did you have any, any favorites?

00:44:49.760 Um, none that aren't canceled, I feel like.

00:44:54.060 I mean, you'll be canceled.

00:44:55.000 I can think of off the top of my head because most comedians are, have been like, added as

00:44:59.840 being awful people.

00:45:00.940 There is a, there is a, I cannot remember the, who, I think, I think it was the roast

00:45:06.240 of Alec Baldwin, but it ended up just being the roast of Ann Coulter.

00:45:11.460 That's right.

00:45:12.240 Okay.

00:45:12.460 I did see that one.

00:45:14.140 Ann Coulter showed up.

00:45:15.500 She is who she is.

00:45:16.800 They just were, when I tell you, Ann Coulter, they would not let this woman breathe.

00:45:23.580 On the neck the entire night.

00:45:25.280 I mean, the whole, I was like, they are riding this bitch hard and putting her up wet.

00:45:30.500 I can't, I can't believe she did it, to be honest.

00:45:33.320 I can't believe she agreed to like, be on the dais.

00:45:35.780 They, it gathered me.

00:45:37.080 Yeah.

00:45:37.440 It ended up being, it ended up being her roast.

00:45:39.200 That was one of my favorites.

00:45:40.000 Joan Rivers had a great roast.

00:45:41.300 Oh, I've seen Joan Rivers.

00:45:42.240 The roast of Joan Rivers was good.

00:45:44.260 She's another one who, I think she, she died at the right time.

00:45:47.200 She'd be canceled now.

00:45:48.740 Oh, she'd be fully canceled now.

00:45:50.020 Oh, yeah.

00:45:50.240 I saw the, I saw the Justin Bieber one.

00:45:52.900 I remember that one.

00:45:53.680 I thought Pete Davidson was really good on that one.

00:45:56.520 Pete Davidson is brilliant.

00:45:57.320 Yeah.

00:45:57.520 He was really funny.

00:45:58.700 He made a joke about Ludacris on that one.

00:46:01.040 Like he said, you might remember him from your mom's that, now that's what I call music.

00:46:05.860 Yeah.

00:46:06.600 Well, he, he said, he said, he said, he said, oh, he go, oh my God, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg.

00:46:10.780 If I was in my forties, I'd be freaking out.

00:46:15.000 He's funny.

00:46:15.800 Like he, he was really good on that one.

00:46:17.280 I remember that one.

00:46:18.260 I used to love those because I think it's fun to make fun of other people.

00:46:22.180 Yeah.

00:46:22.460 But I feel like you can also tell too, when they're like being written for them.

00:46:26.920 Yeah.

00:46:27.100 Yeah.

00:46:27.200 You know what I mean?

00:46:27.780 Well, I mean, certain, certain comedians go up and sometimes.

00:46:31.020 Like some of them write their own, but I feel like when they have like.

00:46:33.540 Martha Stewart.

00:46:34.060 Snoop Dogg, Martha Stewart.

00:46:35.160 Yeah.

00:46:35.700 They're obviously being written for.

00:46:37.560 So it's not as funny.

00:46:38.780 Which I don't, you know, I don't mind that.

00:46:39.980 I don't mind that, but I actually respect that.

00:46:42.880 Cause like if Betty White goes up and Betty White's like, I'm a comedic actor.

00:46:46.780 I'm not a standup comedian.

00:46:47.800 I would rather see you do a good performance written by someone else.

00:46:51.780 Like a quality joke.

00:46:52.440 Then watch Betty White bomb.

00:46:53.760 Then flower.

00:46:54.420 You know what I mean?

00:46:55.800 Because Ann Coulter should have hired writers.

00:46:58.000 Like Ann Coulter went up and just, I mean, she bombed.

00:47:01.820 It was horrible.

00:47:02.640 She did bomb really bad.

00:47:03.560 I was like, girl, this is, I was like, I was like, at least, at least hire writers.

00:47:07.620 Like do not go up there and like, we'll see.

00:47:09.420 That's, that's the gag, isn't it?

00:47:10.980 Cause it's like this unbridled confidence.

00:47:13.120 They're like, Oh, if I just have to make fun of people, I'll just make fun of what they

00:47:15.820 look like or their sexuality or their race or like something that's easy.

00:47:20.400 Which by the way, you can make funny jokes about me being gay.

00:47:24.200 You can make funny jokes about me being black.

00:47:25.860 Like there are funny jokes out there.

00:47:28.160 You can make fun of that at a, especially at a roast, at a roast, at a roast, in my

00:47:32.820 opinion, if you're at an actual roast event where people are agreeing to be roasted, it

00:47:36.640 is okay to go for low hanging fruit.

00:47:38.640 That is the, that's kind of one of the main points of it.

00:47:41.240 And you get extra points if you make it about them as a person, if you can relate it to

00:47:46.480 them and who they are and how they behave and their personality, their public persona,

00:47:51.060 extra points for that.

00:47:52.240 I personally love roast.

00:47:53.600 I, the last one I did was Whitney Cummings, um, which was, I did that either right after

00:47:59.740 the new year, right before the new year.

00:48:01.220 Okay.

00:48:01.760 Um, and I, I just had, I had a blast and there were some jokes in there about me that I had

00:48:06.680 never heard before.

00:48:07.500 I've been to a, I've done a lot of roast in my day.

00:48:09.920 Like I've done a ton of roast in my day.

00:48:11.820 So if you can get me with a new one, I'm, I'm always down for that.

00:48:14.420 You're like super excited to hear it.

00:48:16.100 It's funny.

00:48:17.100 Yeah.

00:48:17.280 When it's well written, well executed.

00:48:18.820 I think it's funny.

00:48:20.120 I agree.

00:48:20.620 I, I, I love, I love to giggle even if it's at myself.

00:48:23.400 So yeah, same.

00:48:24.200 I don't care.

00:48:24.920 But anyways, okay.

00:48:25.940 So we'll get into, we're talking about the art of roasting.

00:48:27.840 Are we still on the first question?

00:48:29.280 No, there's no questions.

00:48:31.880 You're good.

00:48:32.440 No worries.

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00:49:00.280 Okay.

00:49:00.640 So for those of you who don't know here at the comment section, what we like to do is

00:49:03.880 we bring videos that are related to the topic at hand and then we kiki, giggle, laugh,

00:49:08.480 all the funny things or make fun of it.

00:49:10.420 Either or.

00:49:11.280 But we'll do one for today.

00:49:13.000 So in this video, a woman explains that her opening line on Bumble is, you pick one, a

00:49:20.620 dad joke, two, a fun fact, or three, I roast you.

00:49:23.600 And she shows screenshots of some of the ways that she's replied to guys who asked to get

00:49:27.040 roasted.

00:49:27.460 Like, you look like if Patrick Dempsey and the least attractive Baldwin brother had a

00:49:32.220 son and shows the ways the guys reacted.

00:49:35.260 Work.

00:49:36.040 My guess is not very well.

00:49:37.840 Well, it has to be roasted.

00:49:39.000 I know, but a lot of times they say that.

00:49:41.100 And if you're actually good and funny, they get mad.

00:49:44.340 Like, because straight men are annoying.

00:49:46.140 It's weird.

00:49:46.520 How are you going to consent to be roasted and then be like, well, I don't know you'd roast

00:49:49.320 me.

00:49:50.760 Well, you didn't say it would be good.

00:49:52.260 Yeah.

00:49:52.460 I'm like, well.

00:49:53.140 I thought we were just kidding.

00:49:54.880 I want to do.

00:49:56.480 Have you ever gone into the.

00:49:57.480 First of all, anyone who thinks that TikTok is successful, clearly you've never been to

00:50:02.440 Reddit.

00:50:03.320 Baby.

00:50:03.460 Reddit's really bad.

00:50:04.200 They hate me on Reddit.

00:50:06.120 Baby.

00:50:07.680 Reddit is the wild, wild west.

00:50:12.220 My Twitter header is literally a Reddit thread that was sent to me by an anonymous person.

00:50:19.640 Thank you.

00:50:20.040 Um, I don't think they like me very much, but, um, I'll literally pull it up.

00:50:24.860 What makes you think that?

00:50:26.260 Well, the Twitter, the topic of it, I don't know what the terminology for it is, but it

00:50:31.460 literally says that stupid, the stupid bitch on TikTok called drew off wallow.

00:50:35.960 And then it had one upvote from themselves.

00:50:38.420 And then the bottom was like, I hate that cunt too.

00:50:40.680 That was it.

00:50:41.900 And I was like, work, bitch.

00:50:43.300 And so I screenshot it and then I put it as my Twitter header.

00:50:45.940 They did a roast in themselves.

00:50:47.880 I'm like, did you make two accounts to like cheer yourself on?

00:50:50.520 Yeah, exactly.

00:50:51.560 I love when I, one of my favorite comments is, uh, that people leave on, by the way, I

00:50:55.940 think that TikTok and social media has shown us that like a lot of the funniest people

00:50:58.800 in the world aren't even professional comedians.

00:51:01.240 I know.

00:51:01.960 TikTok comments, they kill me.

00:51:04.500 They eat them up.

00:51:05.340 Brilliant.

00:51:06.060 They eat them up every time.

00:51:07.360 Sometimes whenever, whenever, um, I get a mean comment, one of my favorite comments

00:51:10.420 underneath it is, um, nice try Monet.

00:51:12.460 Or I see you Monet.

00:51:13.540 My best friend Monet who's always like reading me.

00:51:15.120 I love when, whenever someone's like, bop, Monet was right.

00:51:18.440 And then someone goes, I know this is your burner count, Monet.

00:51:20.800 That shit gets me every time.

00:51:23.680 That shit always tickle me pink.

00:51:25.840 I'm always proud of the comment section over on, over on my TikTok or over on my Patreon,

00:51:30.180 on my YouTube page.

00:51:31.400 They, they also, they, they be gathering me in ways I'd be like, I did, I never,

00:51:35.780 Okay.

00:51:36.680 Yeah.

00:51:36.920 Who knew there was a brilliant, I'm like, not too much now.

00:51:39.140 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:51:40.000 Yeah.

00:51:40.620 Who knew there was a brilliant stand-up comedian who was just, you know, an accountant over

00:51:44.320 at Goldman Sachs or wherever the hell you work, you know?

00:51:46.520 Yeah, I've talked about how I, I did a roast once about this guy who, he said this f***ed

00:51:50.960 up shit about fat women and, um, he looked like rotten.

00:51:56.660 Like, he looked like he came on the Mayflower and he's somehow still breathing.

00:51:59.280 Work.

00:51:59.480 He's mummified currently, right?

00:52:02.140 Uh, and I, that's all I talked about was like how he looked unwell.

00:52:05.740 I'm like, you just don't look very good.

00:52:08.220 I'd get checked.

00:52:09.040 You're aging, you're aging like Greek yogurt.

00:52:10.540 That's why I said Black Plague, I think.

00:52:12.820 Right?

00:52:13.200 Like, and so I, all the comments, they've never made me laugh harder, like, of all the

00:52:19.460 people joining in on it.

00:52:20.460 Of the tag team, tagging in, bing, bing, bing.

00:52:21.860 Yeah, like someone, have you ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean?

00:52:24.880 Yes.

00:52:25.200 Like the last one?

00:52:25.940 Someone said it's giving part of the crew part of the ship.

00:52:31.500 Which, to this day, is one of the funniest comments I've ever read.

00:52:34.580 I literally wrote back, I said, this made me cry laughing, because it did.

00:52:37.160 I laughed at it so hard I started crying.

00:52:38.540 That is so f***ing funny.

00:52:39.400 And so it was like Prince Philip core.

00:52:40.920 Would you ever want to do a roast, Prince Philip?

00:52:44.160 He was looking wild.

00:52:45.880 Girl, that racism gets you.

00:52:47.900 Unkept.

00:52:48.560 Colonization rots you from the inside.

00:52:50.200 Unwell.

00:52:50.520 Yeah.

00:52:51.240 The spirits of all the colonized.

00:52:53.060 Yeah, it was giving, it was giving Night of the Living Dead.

00:52:54.900 It was giving, yeah.

00:52:56.460 Have you ever wanted to do like a roast, like a roast with you and like friends and people

00:53:00.200 like at a.

00:53:00.840 I would love to do that.

00:53:01.920 At a public event?

00:53:02.620 Oh, yeah.

00:53:03.240 I would love to do that.

00:53:03.880 I think people have wanted that from me for a long time.

00:53:06.240 I just don't really know in what capacity.

00:53:08.520 And guys, there's nothing, there's really nothing wrong.

00:53:11.040 In my opinion.

00:53:12.160 Yeah.

00:53:12.480 If you, if you're hired to do a roast, if you, I, I, I'm a show pony.

00:53:17.340 I really believe in putting on a good show.

00:53:18.900 If you write your roast and you sit down and they're not good and test them out with people.

00:53:23.960 You can go to open mics and stuff.

00:53:25.400 Test them out with your friends.

00:53:26.420 Yeah.

00:53:26.780 If they're not getting a big laugh, bitch, go hire someone to write.

00:53:29.300 Do not, don't show up and, and, you know.

00:53:33.340 Yeah.

00:53:33.920 Like unprepared.

00:53:35.160 Yeah.

00:53:35.700 Or with like too much confidence that like, you're like, well, and that's why I've talked

00:53:39.880 about how like the transition from online comedy to like standup.

00:53:44.500 Cause I've, people have asked me to do standup a lot, but I've been like, I just don't know

00:53:48.960 if my comedy would translate like to standup comedy.

00:53:51.940 I feel like maybe if I practice, but standup is such an art form that I feel like it would

00:53:56.360 take a long time to study and execute.

00:53:59.220 Cause I don't want to do a bad job.

00:54:00.700 That's why I said, I don't want to like, just cause you're funny doesn't mean you can

00:54:03.860 be a standup comedian.

00:54:04.880 That's true.

00:54:05.340 Doesn't always translate.

00:54:06.480 And also every standup comedian isn't a, isn't a great comedic actor.

00:54:09.380 That's true.

00:54:09.760 You know what I mean?

00:54:10.160 They are all individual art friends.

00:54:11.600 Some people do, there's crossover.

00:54:12.940 Yeah.

00:54:13.240 Some people are multifaceted.

00:54:14.420 Yeah.

00:54:15.020 I just, I never want to be too confident that I could be that funny.

00:54:18.800 Yeah.

00:54:19.440 But you, but you know, you never know.

00:54:20.600 I mean, I think like, like reps, reps, if you train in it, you, then you can, you can

00:54:25.180 end up being, that's what I, I figured that's what people have told me though.

00:54:27.960 Cause we did do, my sister and I went on tour in January and we did like live, it was like

00:54:33.400 live comedy.

00:54:34.100 So that was like my first real stab at live shows.

00:54:37.520 And so doing that, I was like, okay, I think if I practice, I could definitely get into it

00:54:42.660 and never, never be afraid to ask for help.

00:54:45.540 Never be afraid to have someone, have someone help you structure the show.

00:54:50.840 Yeah.

00:54:51.260 That's why there's people, people who, you know, who do those things.

00:54:53.300 I don't, I don't try to choreograph my own shows.

00:54:54.980 I mean, I can kind of dance, but like I hire a choreographer.

00:54:57.460 I hire a, I know I can do my own makeup.

00:54:59.960 When I got on the show, we're here on HBO.

00:55:02.020 I hired a makeup artist to elevate just to make it, you know, take to the next level.

00:55:06.940 Yeah.

00:55:07.140 And I'm all about delegating to someone more talented than myself.

00:55:11.540 I'm super cool with that.

00:55:12.160 It really shows a lot of leadership skills.

00:55:15.140 Yeah.

00:55:15.460 Like when someone is able to acknowledge that there's someone who can do something better

00:55:19.540 than they can.

00:55:20.200 Oh yeah.

00:55:20.440 And to help them with it.

00:55:21.800 Yeah.

00:55:22.020 That's why I hired, I have a full-time hair and makeup artist now.

00:55:25.640 And your hair and makeup looks wonderful.

00:55:26.900 Thank you.

00:55:27.460 But it was like for this show.

00:55:28.760 And it's so funny because in the early like infancy stages of this show, I did like a whole

00:55:33.200 rehearsal day where we like sat on the set.

00:55:35.880 I like pretended to talk to someone and we kind of like went through a whole like day

00:55:39.560 of filming and he couldn't do my hair and makeup that day.

00:55:43.220 But like before I was like, you know, like my mom had asked me like, are you going to

00:55:47.940 hire someone?

00:55:48.620 And I was like, well, I mean, I'm pretty good at doing my hair and makeup myself.

00:55:52.500 And then my mom was like, like I said, um, I love mom's like, so do you want to want

00:55:57.640 to help you with, um, this?

00:56:00.320 Yeah.

00:56:00.720 No, see, like, or is that how you want?

00:56:02.160 Oh no, you want to look like that.

00:56:03.340 Oh, well, if that's the goal.

00:56:05.180 I say that and she's like, to you, yes, to you.

00:56:08.880 And then like my first full rehearsal day, he, he couldn't do my hair and makeup that

00:56:12.440 day.

00:56:12.600 So I had to do it myself.

00:56:13.680 And then when I saw myself on the camera, I was like, Ooh, okay.

00:56:17.780 All right.

00:56:18.740 Mean, but fair.

00:56:20.760 Mean, but true.

00:56:22.160 Your mom was like, well, you look, you look the way they grow at, you know, and Universal

00:56:25.260 Studios thought you looked online.

00:56:27.720 She looked at the screen and she's like, and that's why I told you to hire someone.

00:56:32.100 And that's the kind of people you really want to hear.

00:56:33.800 That is the people you really want in your corner.

00:56:35.840 She's so real for that.

00:56:36.860 Yeah.

00:56:37.180 That's why I was like, no, you can't hurt my feelings.

00:56:38.940 Yeah.

00:56:39.440 That's who I was raised with.

00:56:40.760 I have one of those moms too.

00:56:42.260 Yeah.

00:56:42.700 I have one of those moms who, if you don't do a good job, they will not, they will not

00:56:45.460 tell you they did a good job.

00:56:46.220 She will never lie to me.

00:56:47.020 And that shit can, that shit can be like, damn, damn.

00:56:51.080 Well, that's what I've talked about.

00:56:51.960 Like one of the, one of the few skills that I have not diluted myself ever into thinking

00:56:55.880 I could do is sing.

00:56:57.240 I wish I could.

00:56:58.120 I wish I could sing too.

00:56:58.960 I'm not, I'm not tone deaf, but I by no means can sing.

00:57:02.060 Like I, I, I can like hum along to a melody, I would say, but that's pretty much as far as

00:57:07.820 it goes.

00:57:08.560 And so like, if I were to ever like, you know, sometimes like online people will, will start

00:57:12.760 singing careers and they don't work out very well.

00:57:14.940 And then, you know, like, they're like, I always, uh, listen, use your imagination.

00:57:21.940 I'm not, no, not partial to anyone in particular, but sometimes it doesn't work out.

00:57:26.140 And if it does work out great, if it doesn't, you know, people are like, why would you even

00:57:29.780 do that?

00:57:30.360 And I always think to myself, like my mom would, would never, like if I got in that

00:57:34.240 booth and I came out and that sounded like dog shit, she would be like, Hey, it's awful.

00:57:38.400 She's coming.

00:57:38.820 She's like, all right, we're just going to go ahead and unplug that.

00:57:41.980 She's like, she would tell me that was dog shit, but I'm happy.

00:57:48.020 I'm proud of you for trying.

00:57:49.360 But you, you really tried.

00:57:50.580 Yeah.

00:57:50.820 And she, and she would say like, what do you want me to just, what do you want me to

00:57:53.740 lie to you?

00:57:54.100 I was like, can we go ahead and delete that whole file, that whole session?

00:57:57.180 Go ahead and delete that.

00:57:58.240 Thank you so much.

00:57:59.560 You know, and this is like, kind of like a little bit of tea, a little bit not.

00:58:03.400 I had to do, I had to do like a little bit of singing for something that I can't talk

00:58:07.300 about.

00:58:08.240 Even though I, I told them I couldn't.

00:58:10.640 They'll ask you anyway.

00:58:11.420 They'll ask me and they said, okay, great.

00:58:14.180 We need you to sing.

00:58:15.620 So then I was like, okay, how about, what if I killed myself in front of you instead?

00:58:19.720 So then I was like, okay.

00:58:21.960 So I asked one of my cousins to like help me because he's a beautiful, like a God given

00:58:27.340 singer.

00:58:27.820 Like I wish I could sing.

00:58:28.780 I hate those people.

00:58:29.380 I kind of wanted him to like sing for me, like a ghostwriter, but like to lip sing for

00:58:33.820 me.

00:58:34.160 People do it.

00:58:35.320 Yeah.

00:58:35.520 I wanted, I wanted him to do it for me so bad because he's so talented.

00:58:41.660 And so like he was trying to coach me through it.

00:58:44.520 And so he's like, I'm just going to record every single take we try.

00:58:47.880 And then I think if something good comes, I'll tell you like, this is the take.

00:58:51.580 Right.

00:58:51.800 Like, and some of them, like I would start and then he'd be like, okay.

00:58:55.480 And he would stop.

00:58:56.060 He'd be like, that was, that was really bad.

00:58:57.880 So we're not going to use that one.

00:58:59.300 Can you sing a little bit for me?

00:59:00.160 Can you sing like Mary Had a Little Lamb?

00:59:01.460 No.

00:59:02.300 Please.

00:59:03.660 I'll do it for, I'll do it.

00:59:05.640 I'm going to try.

00:59:06.200 This is me trying my best to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

00:59:10.800 I'm telling you right now, you can sing, but I will not.

00:59:13.080 I'm trying to give, I'm trying to give it, I'm trying to be like, in my mind, this

00:59:16.020 is like, if Beyonce was Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, how

00:59:26.840 I wonder what you are.

00:59:32.340 That was actually not bad.

00:59:33.780 Well, it wasn't garbage, but it wasn't, no one's going to buy the album.

00:59:37.140 I had to sing, I was on.

00:59:39.220 I love that you're so confident that you're able to do that.

00:59:43.020 So brave.

00:59:43.800 I, I, I had to sing, I was on an episode of, um, it was the show with, uh, where he's

00:59:51.080 the devil, Lucifer.

00:59:52.620 Oh, I was going to say, yeah.

00:59:53.880 It was an episode of Lucifer and they were like, and you have to sing the song.

00:59:56.800 I had to sing The Lady's a Tramp and I had to go to the studio and record it.

01:00:01.220 And then lip sync it when you act.

01:00:02.760 And lip sync it.

01:00:03.100 Okay.

01:00:03.240 And I was like, oh no, I accept it.

01:00:04.440 Like, so I, there is a footage of me out there singing The Lady is a Tramp.

01:00:08.920 Like, honestly, I kind of ate.

01:00:11.100 I, it sounded like you would.

01:00:12.720 It's probably auto-tuned down, but baby, the way, the end product, I was giving.

01:00:18.740 I was talking to someone about singing recently.

01:00:20.540 I forget who it was.

01:00:21.640 It was like someone in the industry.

01:00:22.500 It was me.

01:00:22.880 We were just talking about it.

01:00:24.420 I'm not that dumb.

01:00:27.140 It was, it was someone I forget.

01:00:28.880 And I was telling them about my, my singing experience and they were like, oh, well, you

01:00:33.580 don't really have to worry about that.

01:00:35.020 And I was thinking like, yeah, you know, cause I did my best.

01:00:37.500 And they were like, no, cause they auto-tune everything.

01:00:39.460 Oh, everything.

01:00:39.760 So if you think about it, like, you know, it was probably that bad and then they probably

01:00:44.120 fix it.

01:00:44.880 And I'm like, oh.

01:00:45.160 It's going to sound good in the end.

01:00:46.340 No, cool.

01:00:47.020 Yeah.

01:00:47.220 No, for sure.

01:00:48.420 No, for sure.

01:00:49.080 You know, now that everyone's listening to this and watching it, it's just going to be,

01:00:51.880 every comment is going to be, Drew, sing.

01:00:54.300 Please sing.

01:00:55.220 Just one time.

01:00:56.320 Just one.

01:00:56.780 And it's going to end up being, I mean, after like two years of them begging for you to

01:01:00.860 sing.

01:01:01.200 Yeah.

01:01:01.500 It's going to end up being your most successful TikTok.

01:01:03.260 And then my mom was like, I heard you, and it was not that bad.

01:01:10.700 That's a compliment.

01:01:11.400 And I was like, okay.

01:01:12.500 She goes, and you know, I would not lie to you about that.

01:01:14.600 Like, if I thought you were terrible, I would tell you.

01:01:16.620 I'm like, true.

01:01:18.020 But you also know I'm fragile and I will kill myself.

01:01:20.860 So no pressure.

01:01:22.160 These sound engineers are magicians.

01:01:24.880 They're so talented.

01:01:25.440 They are, it is wild what they can do.

01:01:29.520 Have you ever, have you ever watched Friends?

01:01:31.300 Yeah, of course.

01:01:31.940 Okay.

01:01:32.120 You know that one where she, Phoebe gets cast in like a music, they want to do her smelly

01:01:36.660 cat as like a song.

01:01:37.420 Yeah, smelly cat.

01:01:37.840 Yeah.

01:01:37.940 Yeah.

01:01:38.120 And then, you know, they have, they dub her and she watches it and she goes, oh my God,

01:01:41.880 I'm amazing.

01:01:43.080 That's how I want to feel.

01:01:44.900 Delusion.

01:01:45.520 I want to live in it.

01:01:46.920 Apparently, allegedly, the actor who played the body of Darth Vader thought they were using

01:01:54.600 his voice and he did not know until they got-

01:01:57.920 That they were dubbing it?

01:01:58.880 To the theater.

01:02:00.880 Damn.

01:02:01.520 Allegedly.

01:02:02.020 I don't know if this is true.

01:02:02.860 Yeah.

01:02:03.440 But because James Earl Jones voiced Darth Vader and he was sitting there and he was like,

01:02:07.340 mm-mm-mm-mm.

01:02:08.560 And then they sat down there and then he heard this voice and he was like, imagine, you told

01:02:14.640 your whole family.

01:02:16.640 At a watch party.

01:02:17.720 Yeah.

01:02:18.980 Woo-woo.

01:02:19.520 And they sit down and then you hear this voice and everyone's like, that's not you.

01:02:22.860 That would-

01:02:25.040 Would you commit to the bit or would you tell them you didn't know?

01:02:27.640 I would run out of the room crying.

01:02:30.480 Cancer.

01:02:30.800 I'd be like, I'm, this is, I did not-

01:02:33.620 Would you be like, that is me.

01:02:35.300 That literally is me.

01:02:36.560 I don't have that kind of poker face.

01:02:37.700 No?

01:02:38.080 I don't have that kind of poker face.

01:02:39.280 I'd be like-

01:02:39.640 I'll lie, I'll lie.

01:02:40.480 I'll be sitting there gathered.

01:02:41.860 I'd be like-

01:02:43.300 But that is my belly.

01:02:45.060 That's what you tell them.

01:02:45.540 Yeah, that is, that is my-

01:02:47.000 That's my belly though.

01:02:48.320 That's me, goddammit.

01:02:49.180 I'm the one who did this.

01:02:50.520 That part, that move was iconic.

01:02:51.960 And the family was like, oh yeah, you're in Star Wars, sure.

01:02:55.080 Yeah, also you can't even prove it.

01:02:56.460 Yeah.

01:02:57.700 You can't even prove it.

01:02:58.380 And there's no camera phones at that time.

01:03:00.720 Poor guy.

01:03:01.540 I'll be as well.

01:03:02.280 They're all, yeah, apparently he was in Star Wars.

01:03:04.840 I don't know if he's alive or not.

01:03:06.200 I mean, James Earl Jones is like in his 90s almost.

01:03:08.540 Yeah, I don't know if the body of Darth Vader is alive.

01:03:11.840 Mark Hamill is, but he was young.

01:03:14.080 Yeah.

01:03:14.420 Mark Hamill was, yeah.

01:03:15.740 That's what I'm saying.

01:03:16.340 You're just the body and the thighs of Darth Vader, but not the voice.

01:03:20.080 That's wild.

01:03:20.820 That's great.

01:03:21.200 Yeah.

01:03:22.220 It was a whole, it was a whole.

01:03:24.640 They're like, yeah, he's a kook.

01:03:25.740 He tells everyone he was in Star Wars.

01:03:27.520 How did I do that?

01:03:27.840 And then he's like, I was, I was in Star Wars.

01:03:29.720 Yeah, he's giving that scene in Death Becomes Her where she's like, Madeline Ashton, Madeline

01:03:36.460 Ashton.

01:03:37.200 It's like, yeah, okay, sure.

01:03:38.440 You were Darth Vader, buddy.

01:03:40.280 Sure.

01:03:40.700 Yeah.

01:03:41.200 And I'm the Easter bunny.

01:03:42.620 You just black swan himself.

01:03:44.340 Literally.

01:03:44.820 Just goes into deep.

01:03:45.740 Oh, shout out to the guy from, shout out to the Darth Vader body.

01:03:49.560 Shout out.

01:03:50.700 If you're watching.

01:03:51.600 To the body of Darth Vader.

01:03:52.240 He's a big fan of yours.

01:03:54.200 Yeah.

01:03:54.720 He's one of your biggest fans.

01:03:56.680 Sure.

01:03:56.960 He wrote that, he wrote that Reddit comment.

01:03:58.820 That's the header on your.

01:04:00.340 Stupid bitch.

01:04:00.440 Okay, okay, we'll go back to this.

01:04:05.300 I'll do, I'll do a couple of these comments and then we'll, we'll peace out.

01:04:08.620 Okay, so this girl who was roasting people on Bumble.

01:04:11.180 Was it Bumble?

01:04:12.180 Yeah, on Bumble.

01:04:14.680 This one said, the first one says, 99% of the bimbos on Bumble have an ego.

01:04:20.900 Why should they message first?

01:04:22.500 They lack basic IQ and rest.

01:04:25.720 1% who message on Bumble say two golden letters high.

01:04:29.120 Like, is that, was that English?

01:04:31.500 This is what, this is what, so wait, this is what the guy said about her?

01:04:34.160 Yeah, he's like mad at her.

01:04:35.720 Can you read it, can you read it again?

01:04:37.620 He's basically, 99% of the bimbos on Bumble have an ego.

01:04:41.140 Why should they message first?

01:04:42.620 Like, why should men message first?

01:04:44.420 Got it.

01:04:44.760 They lack basic IQ and rest 1% who, I think he's saying the rest of the 1% who message

01:04:51.500 on Bumble say two golden letters, which is high.

01:04:53.860 I really hate when people want to, like, win an argument and they just start making up

01:05:02.080 statistics.

01:05:02.880 And rambling, too.

01:05:04.000 And they always say stuff, they always say, they always say either 99% or 90% or 50%.

01:05:08.720 They always say 50%, and I was like, first of all, statistically, to land at exactly 50%,

01:05:15.220 there's like a 50% chance that, I'm kidding.

01:05:16.780 There's like a rare chance, I don't know why it drives me crazy when people make up statistics

01:05:24.360 to win arguments on the internet.

01:05:27.540 It drives me crazy.

01:05:30.880 But also, I imagine this.

01:05:33.640 Listen, guys, if you are, the way that some straight guys view women, they really just,

01:05:42.580 Drew's mom is here, I'm so sorry.

01:05:44.180 They just want pussy.

01:05:45.880 They don't want a wife.

01:05:47.920 They don't want a girlfriend.

01:05:49.480 They just want some pussy.

01:05:51.220 And they want to marry their best friends.

01:05:53.700 They want to be in a relationship with their boys.

01:05:56.760 They want to be emotionally coddled by their friends.

01:06:01.160 They want to be able to cry with them.

01:06:03.260 They want to take their best friends to weddings.

01:06:05.180 And then they want to leave the wedding and then just f*** a random disembodied pussy

01:06:09.600 that isn't attached to anything.

01:06:11.700 And they want to cuddle with their boyfriends.

01:06:14.080 They're like attracted to women, but they don't like women.

01:06:17.540 So just go get a boyfriend.

01:06:19.960 Well, it's so funny you say that because I literally saw a tweet this morning of these

01:06:26.000 two awful, awful, awful human beings that I'm not going to say their names because they're

01:06:30.060 awful.

01:06:30.460 And I refused to promo them.

01:06:32.100 It was me and Monet.

01:06:32.740 It was my podcast.

01:06:33.220 It was Trixie and Katya.

01:06:34.280 Yeah, exactly.

01:06:34.820 No, it was these two men who are just rancid, awful.

01:06:37.480 And they were on a podcast together.

01:06:40.160 Every time men, like straight men like that make a podcast, an angel falls from heaven.

01:06:44.180 Oh, yeah.

01:06:44.640 A hundred percent of the time.

01:06:45.760 That's a statistic.

01:06:46.300 Honestly, we should no longer be illegal.

01:06:49.380 We should have to register Shure microphones.

01:06:51.660 Like guns.

01:06:52.100 And do a background check.

01:06:53.540 Yeah.

01:06:53.840 And if you exhibit behavior of an alpha male or an incel, you should not be allowed to

01:06:58.920 register your Shure microphone.

01:07:00.540 That's my opinion.

01:07:01.400 But it's these two men and they're talking, they're literally having a conversation about

01:07:05.960 how they are like disgusted by vaginas.

01:07:10.580 Like it's like the thought of giving head disgusts them.

01:07:13.760 What?

01:07:14.080 These are two men who like have said that they're like, they love to have multiple girlfriends

01:07:19.620 at the same time.

01:07:20.440 Like they're like super misogynistic, both of them.

01:07:22.940 And they say all this shit about women all the time.

01:07:25.980 And they're openly talking with each other about how disgusting it is to think about

01:07:31.480 giving oral to a woman.

01:07:32.940 But like a man, it's like, it's not the same.

01:07:35.820 It's easy.

01:07:36.980 It's like so simple.

01:07:38.060 It's easy.

01:07:38.540 Like that doesn't scare me.

01:07:39.840 And then someone retweeted it and said, this is not a joke.

01:07:42.740 I'm being dead serious.

01:07:43.620 Have you guys thought about sucking dick?

01:07:45.340 Okay.

01:07:45.640 As someone who has given a lot of fellatio and a lot of cunnilingus in my life, I've eaten

01:07:53.300 a lot of pussy and I've sucked a lot of dicks in my life.

01:07:57.200 I can guarantee, first of all, they are both delicious.

01:08:02.240 I love it.

01:08:04.920 It is so.

01:08:06.160 Also, if you're going to roll the dice on hygiene, who do you think is more clean?

01:08:09.520 Oh, yeah.

01:08:10.260 You know what I'm saying?

01:08:11.240 The pussy is going to more, 10 out of 10.

01:08:12.600 And vagina is self-clean.

01:08:13.960 But also the thing about it is people who like sucking dick, can I, I mean, not everyone,

01:08:18.140 this is not a blanket statement, but sometimes people who like sucking dick, they kind of

01:08:20.880 don't mind a little bit of, a little experience, a little, a little, a little, like, you know,

01:08:27.040 a little smell on the dick.

01:08:29.000 Yeah.

01:08:29.460 It's to be expected.

01:08:31.060 You know what I'm saying?

01:08:31.520 But also, if you're eating a pussy and it smells like pussy, oh, plot twist.

01:08:35.160 Yeah, it's pussy, bitch.

01:08:36.740 It's going to smell like pussy and it's going to taste like pussy.

01:08:40.380 You ordered the pussy and you're shocked that the pussy came to your table.

01:08:45.280 Yeah, bitch.

01:08:46.340 I just don't know.

01:08:47.280 Well, that's either someone who's never had pussy, right, or someone who like is like

01:08:53.160 forcing themselves to enjoy it.

01:08:54.620 I have no idea.

01:08:55.540 I'm not telling you all that you have to eat pussy if you like having, but like, I do

01:09:00.500 think that if you're, if you have a vagina and you're having sex with someone who doesn't

01:09:04.140 want to eat pussy, that's a red flag.

01:09:06.060 It is.

01:09:06.780 That is a red flag.

01:09:08.520 Well, to be so open, man.

01:09:09.900 If I'm eating pussy, why aren't you?

01:09:12.620 Why have I eaten more pussy than you?

01:09:15.100 Ew, that's crazy, right?

01:09:18.400 That is crazy.

01:09:19.240 That's crazy.

01:09:20.620 It's also just so like, what, I don't understand, like, what, what's your goal then?

01:09:25.560 Like, what do you, what is it that you want then?

01:09:27.440 They want to do somebody thing to speak their dick in.

01:09:30.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:09:30.060 And then order a f***ing flesh jack or something.

01:09:31.900 That's what I'm saying.

01:09:32.560 Like, at that point, it's like, you don't want a human then.

01:09:35.360 Like, you just want a thing and you have a problem.

01:09:38.040 I think that straight guys, alpha males, really have to just start experimenting with dating

01:09:44.480 each other.

01:09:45.300 And they will probably be so happy.

01:09:47.400 Who knows?

01:09:47.540 And they'll probably end up being, like, nice.

01:09:49.280 And they'll probably be like, well, I was.

01:09:51.160 They'll, like, release it.

01:09:52.280 Oh, yeah.

01:09:53.560 I mean, whatever is holding you to that.

01:09:55.840 That's why I'm like, I just think it's so strange to be so, like, volatile about the

01:10:01.620 way you talk about women, about the way you talk about sexual relations with women.

01:10:05.420 Like, you're so disgusting and objectifying them constantly.

01:10:09.820 And then when it comes down to pay the piper, you're complaining.

01:10:14.280 Isn't that what you wanted?

01:10:15.600 Like, I'm confused.

01:10:17.300 That is very.

01:10:18.520 That makes no sense.

01:10:19.640 I could not imagine.

01:10:22.400 I can't even fathom the idea of complaining about eating pussy and then being like, but

01:10:29.040 I'm a sucking dick is like.

01:10:31.800 That's like me talking about Oreos.

01:10:33.800 Like, how much I love Oreos.

01:10:35.300 I was like, oh, I love them.

01:10:36.320 I love them.

01:10:36.940 I'll have a bunch of Oreos all the time around me.

01:10:39.600 And then when I say, but then, you know, when you open it and you got to eat it, it's

01:10:44.120 kind of disgusting if you think about it.

01:10:45.580 Like, it's kind of gross.

01:10:46.280 Like, it doesn't even taste good.

01:10:47.180 I actually don't even like it.

01:10:48.060 In fact, I kind of honestly prefer a different cookie.

01:10:50.660 But I mean.

01:10:52.360 But I'll eat the Oreos.

01:10:53.060 I mean, I guess I'll eat it.

01:10:54.120 Like, it's an Oreo.

01:10:54.900 I'm going to eat it, I guess.

01:10:56.040 So the real thing is too, like, I think maybe, maybe these people don't like, don't like

01:10:59.720 to work for things.

01:11:00.940 Because if you're sucking a dick, you know, sucking a dick is, is like.

01:11:05.280 Easy.

01:11:05.560 It's easy.

01:11:06.340 It is easy.

01:11:06.980 Yeah.

01:11:07.520 And you're going to get, you're going to get the person there.

01:11:10.060 It's a real boffit situation, you know.

01:11:11.660 Because it's a time, it's a time thing.

01:11:13.540 You know what I mean?

01:11:14.040 If you keep sucking a dick long enough, you're going to get the ranch dressing.

01:11:17.680 You know what I mean?

01:11:18.360 But making somebody with a vagina cum is harder than recovering your iTunes password.

01:11:23.700 And I think that these guys who are.

01:11:27.760 It's like undoing a safe with your time.

01:11:29.880 They're bad at eating pussy.

01:11:31.880 They're bad.

01:11:32.680 They got bad feedback.

01:11:34.600 Yeah.

01:11:34.700 They were eating someone's pussy and the person was just, like, not reacting.

01:11:37.460 They were on their phone.

01:11:38.000 They were TikTok-ing.

01:11:39.220 And then they were like, well, if it's, you know, then f*** this bitch, man.

01:11:43.240 Yeah.

01:11:43.560 I'm not f***ing doing that shit again.

01:11:44.980 And also, it's disgusting.

01:11:46.300 That's why I said it.

01:11:46.580 But also, like.

01:11:47.160 I feel like that as an act is, like, trying to open a safe.

01:11:50.380 Oh, yeah.

01:11:50.900 You know what I mean?

01:11:51.480 It is.

01:11:52.240 As opposed to walking through an open door.

01:11:54.940 Exactly.

01:11:55.340 You know what I mean?

01:11:55.800 And just like trying to recover your iTunes password, if you get it wrong five times in a row, you're

01:11:59.020 locked out.

01:12:00.120 You're never getting back in.

01:12:01.960 You're done.

01:12:03.040 And they remember your device.

01:12:04.820 Oh, yeah.

01:12:05.200 They're like, you've tried to log in from this device before.

01:12:10.260 And all the other iPhones know.

01:12:12.680 And they're like, no.

01:12:13.780 No, don't trust that device.

01:12:15.420 Remember it says, trust this device?

01:12:16.860 No.

01:12:16.960 Yeah.

01:12:17.240 This account has been suspended.

01:12:18.780 You are no longer allowed.

01:12:21.240 Yeah.

01:12:21.440 Yeah, that's what it is.

01:12:22.180 They're bad at it.

01:12:22.220 And it sends a message to another device.

01:12:24.300 It says, are you trying to log in from this device?

01:12:26.200 Yeah, exactly.

01:12:26.980 Because this device has been locked out.

01:12:28.840 Exactly.

01:12:29.240 There is no way on earth those guys are good and bad.

01:12:33.680 It's not possible.

01:12:34.700 Not even a little.

01:12:35.140 I'm telling you, 99.9% of all guys who don't like eating pussy are bad in bed.

01:12:43.540 And what?

01:12:44.620 And I'm digging my heels in the sand on that.

01:12:48.880 I promise you.

01:12:48.940 And that's a hill I'll die on.

01:12:50.140 Yes.

01:12:51.920 Well, it's been a journey.

01:12:54.320 It has been a journey.

01:12:55.140 But we made it here.

01:12:55.940 We did together.

01:12:57.060 This was fun.

01:12:57.920 Thank you for having me.

01:12:58.860 Thank you so much for coming.

01:12:59.260 It's been like a long time.

01:13:00.740 Like, I remember your team reached out to me a while back.

01:13:02.160 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:02.580 I was in the world.

01:13:03.220 It's been, you know what?

01:13:04.560 It was worth the wait.

01:13:05.520 And I remember reaching out to me like, I was not doing Drew's podcast.

01:13:07.940 I was like, what happened?

01:13:08.500 Why am I not doing Drew's podcast?

01:13:09.880 And here I am.

01:13:10.880 You came at the perfect time.

01:13:12.660 And stick around because The Rock is next.

01:13:14.420 I know.

01:13:16.680 Let's manifest together.

01:13:18.000 I love that.

01:13:19.280 Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of The Comment Section Show.

01:13:22.440 Thank you so much to the amazing, hilarious Bob the Drag Queen.

01:13:25.520 You're an icon.

01:13:27.040 I'm honored to have had you.

01:13:28.420 I agree.

01:13:29.760 Thank you for having me.

01:13:30.500 This was really amazing.

01:13:31.320 Thank you so much.

01:13:32.260 You're the best.

01:13:33.060 I adore you.

01:13:33.760 And invite me back whenever you're picked up on your own network television.

01:13:38.440 Oh, my God.

01:13:39.300 You're the first one on my list.

01:13:41.780 You hear that, Spencer?

01:13:42.640 Spencer, yeah, eat shit, Spencer.

01:13:45.320 Go scream in your bedroom because I'm the first one on the list.

01:13:48.920 Loser.

01:13:50.600 There you go.

01:13:53.460 Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of The Comment Section Show.

01:13:57.640 Remember, you can always stream us exclusively on Spotify.

01:14:01.380 And I want to thank Bob the Drag Queen once again for coming.

01:14:04.140 And I'll see you next week.

01:14:05.140 Bye.

01:14:12.640 We'll see you next week.

THE ART OF ROASTING ft. Bob The Drag Queen ｜ Drew Afualo ｜ THE COMMENT SECTION EP 61

Summary

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