The Comment Section with Drew Afualo

00:00:00.000 wait till they ask for skinless grapes that's my son literally wants skinless grapes and i'm like

00:00:07.600 how do you even peel a grape i was like that's that's a grandma thing she did this to you didn't

00:00:12.280 she i know she's skinning your grapes and now i have to skin your grapes thanks a lot now i have

00:00:19.740 to do hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me

00:00:30.720 your fave even though you don't care about me anymore ever since we got such amazing wonderful

00:00:36.680 guests the entire show thanks a lot anyways on to the wonderful amazing guests the iconic the

00:00:42.860 legendary the one the only miss desi perkins hello wow what an intro i'm so i really liked that i

00:00:50.480 need to come here every single time i need a little like i'll gas everyone ego boost everyone that

00:00:54.560 comes here i'm a huge fucking fan that's that's the best i may not be a fan but i'm gonna be a fan

00:01:00.160 today you wouldn't be able to tell desi i wouldn't i wasn't a fan you wouldn't be able to tell i'm just

00:01:05.320 kidding i don't have anyone i hate on the show that's for sure that's good yeah i would be kind

00:01:09.260 of entertaining it would yeah you know i've been i've been pitched that before but i always think

00:01:14.600 like if you want to spout your rhetoric like get your own show that's i did that that's right

00:01:19.680 highly recommend if you can do it do it and then if you do i'll be mean to you about it but miss desi

00:01:26.040 i'm so happy to have you honored to have you in my presence i'm excited i'm glad our paths have crossed

00:01:31.240 i know like i always watch your stuff and my husband's always like like he's kind of scared he's

00:01:37.340 like what i'm like yeah listen your husband's one of the good ones yeah you know how i know

00:01:41.900 when me and uh you met for the first time in person we met at the barbie premiere and when we were there

00:01:48.500 you were like let's take a picture and i said oh period bitch and then your husband steven right yeah

00:01:54.180 your husband holds up the phone this is not a joke he puts on the front facing camera has a light in

00:01:59.060 his pocket turns it on and he holds it like this and then he's clicking it and we're just posing

00:02:03.000 serving yes no honestly if he sees anyone taking a picture it doesn't even have to be me and they're

00:02:07.940 like in bad lighting he'll just come up with the light and be like that's how i know that's how i

00:02:12.060 know the vibes were very high he's a really good fan he is when he was doing that i was like

00:02:17.500 watching it happen and then i told my man when i went and he goes i gotta step my game up i said no

00:02:23.040 for real steven had a like he said you know what i mean listen though you have to give him some grace

00:02:27.880 ear man's because we've been in this for like a decade that's social you know that is true it's

00:02:33.300 it takes time there's a lot of training involved it does he does take all my pictures which we love

00:02:38.400 yeah but i said but you don't got a light steven has a light and he put the front facing camera on

00:02:44.240 that way i can see myself we gotta see we gotta make sure we look cute yeah it was good girl that's

00:02:49.360 how i was like that's how i knew good man right there stamp of approval that was the reason i chose him

00:02:53.320 to be my the father of my children there you go it was like that was what it that was he had a ring

00:02:58.240 light you said put a baby in me that's the one for me no you've been in the game for a very long time

00:03:05.320 yeah how's that have you seen it change oh girl it's like a whole different ball game now it's like i

00:03:11.360 don't even know who i'm talking to right now who are these i don't even know it's like a whole

00:03:15.640 different landscape it's been crazy because when i started it wasn't even a job yet now it's like

00:03:20.380 people actively want to be like an influencer yeah they're like but back then school it was just

00:03:25.620 like no it was just i wanted to get more clientele to do makeup like i didn't know that this was gonna

00:03:31.420 happen did you start just in makeup too yeah i started in makeup are you self-taught are you

00:03:35.900 self-taught love that self-taught i started doing makeup for tv for um like some celebrities and then i

00:03:43.460 just was like wait i don't really love this actually it's kind of this is a lot and then i found youtube

00:03:48.640 and i just threw myself into youtube because i loved it not not as a job though just like as a

00:03:53.460 hobby yeah next thing you know it was like i got an email saying hey we would love to send you some

00:03:58.680 stuff for free and i was like steven people want to send me stuff for free can you believe this like

00:04:02.760 what that's like one of those moments where you're like damn i think this might be turning into right

00:04:06.400 i was like wait a minute yeah

00:04:07.760 and yeah here we are it's kind of crazy that's so cool also i just want to say too when you

00:04:16.500 announced your first pregnancy with ocean that i i went down a like huge rabbit hole because i hadn't

00:04:23.200 watched your content in a minute because i went to college and then i stopped watching youtube for a

00:04:26.520 while yeah which i was like bummed about but i saw yourself all over instagram and i was like no

00:04:31.260 way that's so sweet so i went and i watched your whole journey and i cried i cried like i was the

00:04:37.980 girl honestly i've re-watched it recently and i was like whoa that's crazy i was crying i was like i

00:04:43.400 just want to hug that person yeah i was going through infertility struggles and it was just like

00:04:47.960 seven years of trying to have babies yeah it was that's i think too like that was something i think

00:04:55.220 that's one of those moments where i feel like when you have an audience

00:04:58.280 it humanizes you to them like for a while they see you as like

00:05:02.100 like this person that's it's not like a real person they're like oh she's like

00:05:06.740 she's an influencer she's someone who doesn't like feel or have struggles or anything

00:05:10.340 she has such a wonderful fortunate life which is also true but then at the same time that was

00:05:15.000 something i think people started seeing you in a much different light like they were like i had no

00:05:18.380 idea that you were going through those struggles like to that extent yeah because you didn't really

00:05:23.460 share that was that like people were kind of shocked yeah it was but i was um

00:05:27.860 it actually was a huge turning point for me in my career and actually any time that i have

00:05:33.560 humanized myself it was like a huge turning point in my career really like in the beginning when

00:05:38.540 youtube first started everybody was about being perfect and very put together and overproduced and

00:05:42.480 like it's very different now yeah but it was like trying to be this perfect person and then when

00:05:48.840 finally i like as i went on and started to get out of my shell i let go of that those perfectionist

00:05:54.320 traits and i started showing real moments and that's when i realized that's what people want

00:05:58.140 to connect with yeah is real moments and not the perfect picture yeah it's like the vulnerability

00:06:04.200 is what people gravitate towards yeah because you you i think too like the era that you rose in youtube

00:06:09.920 was like what you said like everything was like picture perfect like very like that's like life goals

00:06:16.740 family goals marriage goals like that's what people it was like a curated picture whereas now i feel

00:06:22.200 like like you said it's changed a lot it's like shifted where people want to see the ugly side of

00:06:26.740 things too yeah they only like me when i'm ugly now they're not gonna like me here no they're like

00:06:32.980 come on yeah they don't relate to that they want me to be like my postpartum hair is just like flying

00:06:38.620 they want me to be titties swinging and banging with a big big t-shirt on and like stained they like

00:06:44.320 that they're like that's the kind of that's the desi that's where they want me to be

00:06:47.700 thank god because i'm i love to be there you're all thank god that was exhausting i am there six

00:06:53.200 days out of the week and one day i will show up like this so it's also i think too like it's

00:06:59.240 beautiful to see your family grow because now you're a mother of two i know how has that been

00:07:04.640 it's such a journey i love i mean i we've steven and i think we're lucky because we both really

00:07:09.380 wanted babies and we've been trying so hard so this happening for us has been like we enjoy it so

00:07:14.840 much and i think this is what we've always wanted and it's crazy because somewhere along the way it's

00:07:20.960 like my career my career my career and really like the ultimate dream for both of us was to start

00:07:27.020 our family above our career so now since we're both on the same page it's just been amazing and we

00:07:32.840 both always put like family first i love that i know i see your family you're so close to your

00:07:37.320 family including like your mom and like i see your mom's in your stuff a lot yeah she lives down the

00:07:42.140 street from you she lives that's all that was all a part of my plan you're just like me for real

00:07:47.260 i said listen mom i look there's a house for you down the street yeah it's so great no we're all so

00:07:54.720 close like i think i told my mom the other day i said i don't think it's normal for families to get

00:07:58.780 together like my brothers me my mom my kids every single night for dinner like we get together

00:08:04.000 i love that that's so i feel bad for my mom that's that's so me coded because i'm literally

00:08:10.480 the same way with my mom and my sister my brother my dad like we all live like two minutes from each

00:08:17.020 other like down the street like i moved from one house to another and i was like a lot closer to

00:08:22.060 my mom than even though like when i was next to my sister we were like 10 minutes down the road

00:08:26.340 but i moved so now i'm like 30 second drive from my mom's house and my sister's 10 minutes away and i

00:08:32.720 remember being like oh my god like she's so far like she needs to move back and now she just she

00:08:37.260 literally moves oh my god 10 minutes away literally i was like she's literally so far away

00:08:42.020 like i can't leave her over there by herself it's just because we're all like so attached family

00:08:45.720 oriented yeah yeah my mom i was like well you really thought you're gonna get rid of your kids

00:08:49.200 after a certain age but we're all here psych right i know i need my mom so bad all the time for

00:08:54.680 literally everything in life so grateful but i'm really glad i think that's that shows too i think

00:09:00.020 through your content because it's very indicative that you're very family oriented i think that's why

00:09:04.560 you've been around for so long to be honest because you get grounded keep stay grounded

00:09:09.880 throughout it because it's like a really weird like once you get thrust into it and you rise really

00:09:14.920 fast it is so strange like the things the axis you get like yeah the visibility you have it's just so

00:09:21.880 different it happened i think now for anyone who rises now it's a lot different for them yeah i don't

00:09:27.360 know you tell me because i feel like you rise really quickly and then it's just explosive i think when

00:09:32.700 you get to that place yeah and for anyone who came up in like the youtube days it was like a slow

00:09:39.620 and steady yeah and so i think over time you had enough time to build really close personal

00:09:46.040 relationships with your audience and it just was years and years so i think like the audience is

00:09:50.840 super loyal yeah because that's true it's you know it wasn't just like quick and it wasn't a lot of

00:09:56.460 people either now it's like every day there's somebody that you love to watch you know so

00:10:01.200 it's a lot different it's like uh it was much more rare back then and now it's much more common so it's

00:10:08.280 much it's harder to stand out yeah when you're like exploding when everybody explodes it's like

00:10:12.780 we're all exploding out here everyone's exploding everybody's doing it because of everyone's short

00:10:16.920 form yeah short form content is it's a lot different but i think that's what i love about your

00:10:21.460 content is that it's it's evolved over time but it's like the foundation has stayed the same

00:10:26.060 which is why i think your audience is so loyal because they're like you're still the same

00:10:29.420 person you were 10 years ago yeah and i think my audience too they're like oh we're moms now too

00:10:34.400 yeah they grow with you yeah they're kind of growing with me they're like we love to see

00:10:38.040 these phases because they're also going through it so yeah it's great when you had uh your second

00:10:44.080 baby was there a big difference between ocean and harley no honestly some people say like two kids is

00:10:50.700 like 30 or you know 100 or whatever but i feel like two is just it is definitely a little harder

00:10:55.900 but not as hard as i thought it was going to be really so far are there are their personalities

00:11:00.060 very different uh she's a little sassy yeah but they're both no i wouldn't i wouldn't say they're

00:11:05.680 super different but she's definitely like you're not going to boss me around like ocean really tries

00:11:10.860 it with her and she will not allow it she's like you're funny no she's like try again i may be smaller

00:11:17.640 than you but i she will throw she will throw a punch and i was like you're like uh-oh it's even like

00:11:23.820 that's your side of the family yeah probably ocean's face was like she he took a toy from

00:11:29.320 her and she like slapped him and i was we all were shocked and he was like

00:11:32.360 mommy hardly hit me and i was like well did you take a toy from her hand it's like she definitely

00:11:40.700 shouldn't hit you but it's like i'm such a i'm such a mom now i have to mother them and like yeah

00:11:44.240 both sides it's a whole different ball game you know it's so funny my brother when because my sister

00:11:49.700 and i are two years apart in age but my brother is nine years younger than me so like my sister and

00:11:54.380 i weren't planned my brother was so like my brother's like the baby and so he uh is is spoiled

00:12:01.980 as per usual and he's the only boy yeah but when he was a baby and he was teething he went through

00:12:06.860 like a real biting phase and so like my mom told this preschool she's like he's like super into biting

00:12:13.260 like just fyi they're like okay and so they kind of had these problems and then one day she was like

00:12:20.480 oh an incident happened like his teacher because i was with my mom when we picked him up and she's

00:12:24.980 like yeah he bit someone today because she took something from him so he bit her and it hurt so

00:12:28.980 she cried but then she slapped him across the face hard as hell never bit again see sometimes it works

00:12:36.320 sometimes it works you know what i mean and i was like i stand with women so right i'm with her

00:12:41.780 you're like you shouldn't have better that's what you get cause and effect yeah consequences

00:12:45.860 so now that you're a working mom of two have you seen like has the perception changed at all of like

00:12:53.640 how people perceive you now that you're a mom because you know there's like this online perception

00:12:57.160 that like you can only be one girl you can't be hot and a mom you can't be working at a mom yeah

00:13:02.180 you can't be a lot of things yeah when you're a mom yeah you can't be it's crazy how fast it switches

00:13:07.080 up because yeah before i was a mom it was comments like oh poor guy give him a baby give that man a

00:13:13.220 baby like everything was on me to give this man a baby little this is when nobody knew i was going

00:13:18.060 through issues yeah but it's like they really hype you up to be a mom and then a lot of times when

00:13:23.340 you become one it's like okay we're done with you and then you you post like you like a thirst trap

00:13:28.940 and then they're like you're a mother you're yeah i'm like you're a mom so it's like okay and that

00:13:34.220 did that stop me from being hot i didn't think so no i would like to be a milf

00:13:38.060 and that's okay wouldn't everybody like hello yeah no it's it's definitely different it's funny

00:13:44.380 because there's so many people will perceive you through their own personal you know it's a

00:13:50.880 reflection of them yeah so it's crazy because on one half i will get people who are like wow you are

00:13:57.180 an entrepreneur you're a mother you're a wife you're just doing it all like i'm so proud of you and

00:14:01.780 they just hype me up and i'm like i love you guys yeah and then there's another set of people

00:14:06.080 who will just be like uh you just like fell off even though i'm doing all of these things you know

00:14:11.060 but it's just like you don't post content like you used to you're just a mom now like uh everything

00:14:17.640 is so mommy and i'm like what did you want me to do hello did you not see my series where i tried

00:14:23.340 to have babies for seven yes i'm going to be a mom now literally and all my content is going to be

00:14:27.780 around moms or me yeah i did i did a podcast and like i went through the comments for like a sec

00:14:33.760 and i saw one that said um oh my gosh well i forgot about her she's like i feel like she's

00:14:39.900 gotten a little bit irrelevant she really needed this okay um she owns two businesses so like okay

00:14:48.240 not including youtube no but it made me giggle a little bit because it showed me that some people

00:14:53.780 that that just showed me that that person cares about fame they care about being in the spotlight

00:14:57.920 and how that's what matters to them so they think that i hold value in that whereas i'm like the only

00:15:03.920 people i would like to be relevant to is my family like literally i'm working and then when i'm done

00:15:09.000 working i want to be relevant to them like period that's and i'm so happy here so i'm like you have

00:15:14.380 different values than i do it's also someone it has to be someone younger like because yeah you're huge

00:15:21.040 i'm like that's not a joke i'm not just gassing her like she she's like one of the most famous

00:15:26.020 makeup youtubers from like back in the day not even that long ago like literally like seven years ago

00:15:30.840 like huge huge huge no yeah but like i'm 27 gonna be 28 so i remember how big you were and how big you

00:15:40.060 are now like i just remember your rise and then it's been steady ever since yeah i just post different

00:15:44.460 content now like maybe i'm not so makeup based anymore but i but that's okay you know well also like

00:15:50.160 you grow and you change yeah and like my values are different yeah and your interests change they

00:15:55.560 grow they grow past what you initially blew up for it's kind of the same thing like it's like

00:16:00.820 especially with social media because it's so fleeting if you don't evolve your content or like

00:16:06.260 start doing new things or like reinventing yourself in different ways you will fade like yeah you will

00:16:12.180 not no one wants to watch you do the same thing no and if i was creating content like i was before

00:16:16.240 the same type of makeup content it wouldn't be doing as good right now like that was a different

00:16:20.660 time yeah exactly so i always say like my whole life thing is i just want to be creating i don't

00:16:26.580 need to be in the limelight to do that i just want to do it so for me it's like i like to create content

00:16:32.040 that inspires me so i only do that now and i and i can do that because i'm also doing the businesses

00:16:37.200 it's not that's why i said you also have two very successful businesses too she is a skincare line

00:16:43.380 and a sunglasses line both of which are doing very well so that's why i'm like it depends on your lens

00:16:49.740 of what you find to be successful but like it's also it's indicative like you said of what they

00:16:55.620 perceive you to be as opposed to what your goals are yeah because i was like it always depends on what

00:16:59.360 your goals are like what if your goal wasn't to be like the most famous actress in the world like

00:17:04.480 it's like their one measure is like you're either beyonce or you're irrelevant right like there's

00:17:09.140 many different levels of success like and relevancy it really just depends exactly there's people that

00:17:15.840 are huge on tiktok that maybe i haven't come across and they're like millions and millions and

00:17:20.420 millions and so it's just i've never heard of them so big well yeah there are people like that have

00:17:24.680 like 25 million on tiktok and i've never heard of them personally and like i am on tiktok i i blew up

00:17:30.540 on tiktok and i still don't know who they are so it's like it's very possible that's why i'm

00:17:34.380 like for people like yourself who are still around like you remind me of like it's you like jackie

00:17:39.800 aina like people that have been in the game for a long time and still have a very strong loyal

00:17:44.980 audience yeah that's relevancy babe what do you mean irrelevant irrelevant where girl i don't know

00:17:50.180 what your measure of irrelevancy is so many of my high school friends obsessed with you oh you were

00:17:55.080 like their favorite makeup youtubers that's why i was like yeah she follows me period

00:17:59.160 when i was like i love you i love your content so good so good okay so we're gonna talk about

00:18:08.040 speaking of being like a mom or a hot person or a like a working mom like how they the world

00:18:15.220 perceives working moms that's what we're talking about today our topic is uh being a bad bitch working

00:18:19.940 mom period because it is possible to be both and how the world perceives women who work and are also

00:18:26.040 mothers as opposed to like how they perceive men who are right because the the perception is very

00:18:30.920 different like when you see men who are fathers and they're also content creators they're like oh

00:18:35.640 goals goals goals like uh look at him cleaning the kitchen yeah look at him making lunch for his

00:18:42.420 children uh love it the standards are so low for men it's crazy they're like look at him spending

00:18:49.700 quality time with his child i know yeah by law probably and also like that's what he's supposed

00:18:55.820 to do i know it's crazy it really is like i mean at one point are you like what do you want from us

00:19:03.700 you know like exactly you don't want women to like just be stay-at-home moms because then we're just

00:19:10.400 stay-at-home moms or we're mooching off of yeah our man's money yeah exactly okay or like but you

00:19:17.720 don't want them to be working moms either because then they're not they're not good in the workplace

00:19:22.100 anymore once you become a mom it's whatever you're just you know it's like i just feel like motherhood

00:19:27.880 and being a woman is a lot of that absolutely yeah you don't you don't fit here but we also don't want

00:19:33.240 you there we don't want you at restaurants we don't want you on planes we don't want you in the

00:19:36.640 workplace we don't even think you're good enough to stay home i feel like that's lazy so like where

00:19:41.280 where do you want us to go like where are we going what the fuck are we supposed to do where

00:19:44.760 are we going well it's also like it's it's the same kind of weird perception of like

00:19:50.340 if you post here like let's say you and steven go out on a date night or something or you go on a trip

00:19:55.720 and you don't have the kids they're like where are your kids right where are the kids at i left

00:20:00.520 them at home alone what the fuck do you think they are girl like they're being taken care of what

00:20:04.840 are you talking about they also don't want you to have help so it's that too they're like oh are you

00:20:08.840 just never going to spend time with your children right like i've seen videos where people get night

00:20:13.240 nannies and things like that and the comments are very much like wow you can't take care of your own

00:20:16.780 baby well but it's like when did you want like there's other parts of the world it's our society

00:20:23.660 because there's other parts of the world that really really cater to thrive off and children

00:20:27.600 and everything is so much easier for them so it's really a societal issue yeah and it's crazy

00:20:32.040 because if it's a societal issue then it's really just your problem it's like man yeah it's a

00:20:37.620 man-made issue yeah it is absolutely it doesn't have to be and yeah no i i've definitely experienced

00:20:45.220 some stuff and i'm really glad that i have my own business where i don't have to

00:20:49.480 yeah you know worry about those kinds of things yeah like maternity leave or having to like go back

00:20:55.140 or be away from your kids right thing yeah and that's like and that's also something i feel like

00:20:59.780 most uh creators like yourself who just so happen to be mothers too um you're very aware of and you're

00:21:06.340 like i know i know how lucky it is i am that i get to work from home and i get to be with my kids

00:21:10.960 um that doesn't make being a mom any less hard it's hard no matter what right circumstances just

00:21:17.240 vary it just depends like it's just it's being a parent is fucking hard in general it is so hard

00:21:22.760 and especially if you're being a parent in the spotlight like that's even worse and it's like

00:21:28.260 also you can it can be beautiful and it can be magical it could also be traumatic yeah it could also be

00:21:35.500 isolating and it can also you know be a little sad sometimes chaotic it can be all of those things

00:21:42.240 and i feel like people pick you apart for like showing the real side of motherhood sometimes

00:21:47.880 like and how fucking hard it is and it's like no this is the reality because then there's also people

00:21:53.400 they're like why didn't anyone tell me this about motherhood it's like because when we talk about the

00:21:57.100 negative side people get really upset about it and they're like well stop complaining

00:22:01.080 i'm not complaining this is like just reality of being a mom well there's also like this this like

00:22:08.360 weird perception that like you're no longer you anymore you're a mom yeah so you're you you no

00:22:14.320 longer have any autonomy or any like you're not entitled to feeling at all anymore it has to surround

00:22:19.760 you being a mom like it's like well at least you're a mom well yeah no one ever said that like she wasn't

00:22:25.820 thankful to be a mother like but there are also sides that are are hard and scary and traumatic and

00:22:31.860 that's fair and valid and like women don't lose all of their identity just because they have children

00:22:37.800 it's like that's the part that they don't they don't like distinguish anymore it's like you can

00:22:42.420 only be one yeah once you're a mom that's all you are you're never a person anymore you're never a

00:22:46.100 woman you're never someone allowed to have feelings nothing honestly sometimes i wonder what people

00:22:49.800 used to talk to me about before i had kids because i'm like didn't we have conversations like

00:22:55.300 before this because yeah i think i saw i saw a tiktok once of this girl and she was um she's a new mom

00:23:03.140 i think she had just had her second baby um but she's young she's like in her early 20s but she was

00:23:10.240 talking she was basically just sitting in her car crying and she was like this is just like something

00:23:14.600 i have to do sometimes like it's just really hard and she's like a stay-at-home mom so she's like

00:23:19.900 sometimes it's really really hard being a mom and she's just like crying in the car and she's like

00:23:24.500 this doesn't mean i don't love my children this doesn't mean i'm not thankful it's just fucking

00:23:28.700 hard it's really really hard sometimes and i saw the video a lot of a lot of the comments were like

00:23:33.440 i wish more people showed stuff like this which is what makes me think of when you post your struggles

00:23:38.100 yeah like regardless of how like big or small people perceive them to be like they're still very valid

00:23:43.640 like and sometimes people need to see that so they can like feel like they're not alone they feel

00:23:48.200 seen yeah i can post like a selfie where i feel like really good whatever nobody cares i post talking

00:23:55.180 about like real shit and i'm getting all of these messages people are like oh my gosh thank god like

00:24:01.220 i feel seen and i think that's what's important it's like you're trying to build connection with other

00:24:05.760 moms that are also going through it when i see those videos i'm like i all feel for them and also

00:24:10.960 i have had car moments i don't know what it is about the car but it's like the only place you

00:24:15.680 can find peace and you just go there for a minute and you just kind of like have to gather yourself

00:24:19.640 yeah and go back in being a stay-at-home mom as your full-time job is actually one of the hardest

00:24:25.360 things literally literally the hardest thing actually okay and like i've had a lot of different jobs and

00:24:31.360 i will say that like if that is probably the hardest yeah getting a break and being able to go to your

00:24:38.520 day job it's even it is hard when you have kids because you miss them and you're going somewhere

00:24:43.420 but still like being 24 7 job that's exhausting no 24 7 alone no alone time no alone time it's like

00:24:50.640 you're always doing something yeah cleaning something picking something up and it's like

00:24:55.280 after you put them to sleep you get like two alone hours to yourself and you have to either choose to

00:25:01.120 have alone time and like scroll mindlessly or like shoot my house is a mess clean up yeah reset for

00:25:07.380 the next day it's just constantly it's a hamster wheel yeah i know that's why when i saw it i was

00:25:12.720 like that's so like sad that's awful that she felt that way but it's also like beautiful that so many

00:25:19.700 moms like found a community there like they were like oh the amount of times i've gone to my car

00:25:25.040 the amount of times just like also when you have a new baby it does get better like when you're

00:25:29.980 freshly postpartum that is like the time that you should be the most attentive to the people in your

00:25:35.400 life who have had babies because let me tell you it's a flu of emotions okay i finally just got out

00:25:41.900 of that feeling but it was like it's tough then you get you pass that threshold and it's like

00:25:46.280 okay now we're just at a like normal motherhood yeah that's like the fun part yeah now it was those

00:25:52.420 first months are crazy i know i can only fucking imagine oh my god especially like you know especially

00:25:58.140 creators like yourself who are doing it in the spotlight with like where everyone's an expert

00:26:02.500 everyone's a parenting expert everybody's a child expert i'm actually pretty lucky because i thought

00:26:07.340 that when i became like a mom people would just be like bombarding you bombarding me with you're doing

00:26:13.380 that blah blah you shouldn't be doing that my people are cool that's great i'm so glad they let me

00:26:18.860 mother they let me live i haven't really gotten that but that was like my number one fear and i feel

00:26:23.240 like yeah well and it's also probably too because like you said your audience is long standing and

00:26:29.740 they're consistent and they're loyal so they've been with you and they've seen how much you struggled

00:26:34.340 in the beginning too okay so since we're talking about being a bad bitch mom that's our topic for

00:26:44.660 today those of you who don't know what we do here on the comment section is we bring videos that i was

00:26:49.580 tagged in that are applicable to our topic today and then we're just gonna laugh kiki uh talk shit

00:26:55.400 whatever is required all right all right let's do it okay so this first video is a woman on a podcast

00:27:01.380 says she read that many new mothers returning to work are so badly treated because their teams consider

00:27:07.360 them a burden and assume they always want to go home early have brain fog or can't focus and the

00:27:13.660 treatment is so bad that many women returning to work are either hounded out of their jobs or choose

00:27:18.240 to leave voluntarily which is so fucking sad that is so fucking sad especially in a country that

00:27:26.220 doesn't offer enough maternity leave yeah no it's the worst year yeah like it's truly the worst and

00:27:33.080 no assistance like other countries offer assistance yeah maternity and help you take care of the baby

00:27:37.800 and everything yeah we don't offer anything especially during the postpartum months like they they take

00:27:42.180 care of you you like live in the hospital for like three months they give paternity leave too yeah like

00:27:47.100 more than enough time for you to like some places give you like a year two years so like most places

00:27:52.120 it's like a year yeah and here it's like girl it's like two weeks max back to work back to work get back

00:27:58.760 in the office immediately and then when you get there they treat you differently because it's so awful

00:28:03.780 because you're you're like your hormones aren't leveled like yeah i just think you guys all have

00:28:10.240 mothers like yeah you have no compassion for these people and you know what's really sad is that i think

00:28:16.000 most people who don't have kids yet and men will never understand because they'll never be in that

00:28:21.040 position where they can sympathize with that feeling like even me before having kids um i have one of my

00:28:28.520 best friends who when she had a baby she had you know a few kids and after i had my kids i realized

00:28:35.500 like i probably should have called her more like i should have called her more and checked on her but i

00:28:39.780 didn't realize what it was like because i didn't experience it yet so then i'm looking at everyone that

00:28:45.420 are leaving comments or saying these things at the workplace like they've probably never experienced

00:28:50.020 this they they're never going to sympathize with this feeling well it's also like pregnancy is so much

00:28:56.420 more than just like growing a child like yeah that's part of it but it can be violent and taxing and

00:29:06.760 exhausting and horrible like all at the same time that it is great like like you're so excited and you're

00:29:13.300 so grateful and at the same time it could wreak havoc on your body and like yeah cause the most

00:29:18.480 insane like medical issues and risk and complication like it's just crazy to think like oh okay so you

00:29:26.880 just gave birth like like you're fine it's just great that's great that's insane behavior to think

00:29:33.380 like the way some men view pregnancy as something that's super easy and you get a free vacation

00:29:37.620 it's just insane but i think like we as a society perpetuate that it's so much easier because again

00:29:43.260 people get mad if we talk about all the real shit exactly yeah so it's like then people think oh

00:29:48.280 they're like validated in those assumptions like yeah let's see it's great just i saw a video where

00:29:54.340 a girl said um it's possible like her her nipple like fell off after breastfeeding because they were

00:29:59.120 so dry and cracked and then she had to take it back to the hospital and they they like put it back on

00:30:03.660 i told my boyfriend that he goes are you lying to me i was like i'm not lying that is very true it

00:30:07.880 happens a lot yep and he was like what right i just want to see a man go through half this shit

00:30:15.120 and then just see how like society flips a switch to accommodate because i just like genuinely yeah

00:30:21.780 it just wouldn't be the same not at all like i'm sorry the way the world would shift drastically if men

00:30:26.840 had if like like cis men had to give birth if you ripped from your front to your back i would like

00:30:33.000 i would like to see you go back to work and handle shit like a boss that's because the reality is

00:30:40.620 women are doing it every day and we're like still caring for the baby and waking up early yep five

00:30:46.960 times a night just crazy and sometimes still cooking and cleaning yeah when you get home after working

00:30:52.540 right it's funny because my um the girl who did my extensions she just had a baby she said she's

00:30:58.600 eight weeks postpartum oh wow and i said girl and you're on your feet you're working bitch and she

00:31:04.140 was like oh yeah yeah like i just like i wanted i need to go back to work but she's like thankfully

00:31:08.600 i have my mom like he helps she helps me out and i was like a girl yeah she stood on her feet and did

00:31:14.100 my hair for like four and a half hours listen women are incredible they really are i wish everyone

00:31:19.500 could just see how incredible women are it's like i see it all the time it's crazy especially that

00:31:25.660 tear bitch that is real that is so real right i literally saw you if you watch those medical

00:31:32.480 videos where they have like um like a baby coming out and and you're like they're showing you what it

00:31:38.140 looks like the way that that shit expands like this to let a human come out oh my god it's horrifying

00:31:44.940 it's horrifying it is it's horrifying but it's also incredible like it's like so no i look at my body

00:31:51.080 like and i'm like dang i was like i got really big with my pregnancy like little kids would be

00:31:57.540 like daddy does she have two kids in there i was like oh and then when you see like the baby come

00:32:04.120 out and you look at your body and it's like yo you still look pregnant you're just like whoa and then

00:32:08.820 to see the progression is like this is insane this is amazing incredible it's unbelievable it's truly

00:32:14.600 like insane how talented people like it's like such a indescribable like thing that i think women are

00:32:23.100 capable of or people with uteruses are so capable of of growing humans and then giving birth to them

00:32:29.460 and then raising them and then working at the same time that's insane yeah that's insane girl and then

00:32:35.000 on here so some of these comments like this one says i find it to be true about women being annoying

00:32:43.340 when they come back after having kids i find it to be true they're always off because their kids are

00:32:49.260 sick or it's school holidays so they need to be off to watch them um that's not true that's not true

00:32:56.600 i mean they don't even give you time off to have the kid what do you mean they're going to give you

00:33:00.420 time off when their kid is sick they don't care but also have a little compassion i mean

00:33:05.380 everyone takes time off like sometimes you'll take time off because you're hungover you don't have to

00:33:10.660 have kids like you know what i mean like so everyone everyone calls in sick and has times

00:33:16.160 off sometimes you just don't want to go yeah and but then it's like it's so annoying when they have

00:33:21.720 to do it because their kids need them that's insane you just have to have a little people need to have

00:33:26.740 more compassion girl i once had to call out of something like a work engagement i literally had

00:33:32.440 to call out because my dog couldn't stop throwing up can you imagine if that was a human you know what i

00:33:36.400 mean i was literally like i can't go i have to take my dog to the hospital honestly it's probably more

00:33:39.040 accepting that it's your dog literally baby that's what i was like i literally my dog will not stop

00:33:43.080 throwing up i have to take him to the emergency room i literally have to take him and i canceled

00:33:46.380 everything that day that's what i'm saying can you imagine like if it's another human that you're

00:33:50.620 responsible for for the rest of their lives yeah like of course you're gonna take time off if you

00:33:54.960 need to that's kind of like i don't get why people get so common sense to me why do you care

00:33:59.740 that's what i was saying why do you care girl like i don't understand and this honestly like

00:34:04.240 this attitude is so it's so like you said it's so void of empathy there's just none whatsoever

00:34:10.760 this next one says it's your choice to have children okay okay it was it's also your choice

00:34:17.180 to eat that guy that you that is treating you like shit and then you talk and then you talk it's like

00:34:21.680 every everybody makes choices and they're you know what i mean and there's good and bad to every choice

00:34:26.240 i don't get when people say that you chose to have kids yeah i did but there's there's with the good

00:34:31.660 is also bad yeah you literally can't have one without the other and that's with every choice

00:34:35.140 you make in life that's why i'm like you chose to get bangs when you got broken up with right

00:34:39.340 and did that work your hair choices your job that's what i'm saying your job do you like it sometimes

00:34:45.400 no do you complain to your friends yeah so like i don't get why people get so mad when moms when it's

00:34:50.740 involved with women it's always just with women it is it's it's rarely ever about children it's about

00:34:55.360 women like it's always just like this very rampant misogyny uh that's embedded in every single aspect

00:35:02.460 of life including having children and i would like to know how can we call it working moms and not

00:35:07.960 working dads literally they're just like oh he went to work but she's like she's a working mom right

00:35:14.000 but then if you call yourself a working mom even then they're like oh so you spent time away from

00:35:18.580 your kids it's like what you said you just can't win you know there's no winning yeah it can't win for

00:35:23.200 losing honestly this last one says i don't have kids and the amount of times i've had to take on

00:35:28.380 more work to cover for these women who have kids i mean well look at that you are blessed to be able

00:35:35.520 to work you just said you don't have kids so you're available right you have time there you go so you

00:35:41.380 have the time okay there you go did you get paid for those days there you go right yeah did she no

00:35:46.700 if she went home early did she get paid for that day no she did not and she took that l she was like i

00:35:52.080 don't care don't pay me right i'm going home like yeah most people that make these comments don't have

00:35:56.940 kids so yeah and they're very and they're also like a lot of times misogynistic so it's a real

00:36:02.260 venn diagram honestly the venn diagram is a circle to be honest okay this next video says the video

00:36:08.620 shows a mom working on the computer with text over the screen that says working moms let's talk about

00:36:14.100 this we are not okay we work full-time inside and outside the home we juggle work and family schedules

00:36:20.120 we struggled to present both roles and every day is a rinse and repeat give yourself grace

00:36:25.060 which i think is fine yeah that's fair i don't think that's a bad thing at all well i think that's

00:36:31.280 a reminder to women that like you're doing a lot so just because even me i beat myself up all the time

00:36:37.400 like really i've gotten better at it but it was really hard for me to transition and into this new

00:36:44.280 role and also not be able to fulfill my other roles as much as i did before and i always feel

00:36:49.840 like i'm not doing enough i'm not i'm like when i'm trying to pick up the ball here i'm dropping the

00:36:55.460 ball here and like i'm trying to go here and i'm dropping it here and it's like i finally have come

00:36:59.800 to terms that i can't like i can do it all but i can't do it all every day and i'm just like i was

00:37:04.320 trying to just be the same person that i was before kids yeah and i can't be that person more i have to be

00:37:09.220 this new person which is great it's like yeah i just needed to accept that and so we're already

00:37:13.340 giving ourselves so much guilt on our own we don't need like they don't need more guilt yeah outside

00:37:19.180 mom guilt you have it all the time all day yeah it's kind of like where when people say like no

00:37:24.840 one's ever going to be meaner to yourself than you so like nothing anyone could say when they're

00:37:30.380 criticizing how you mother or how or how you parent um is not something you haven't already said to

00:37:37.080 yourself yeah like something where you feel hypercritical of yourself i guarantee nine

00:37:42.240 times out of ten it's exactly what they're what they're trying to project onto you and even worse

00:37:47.520 probably right because mom guilt is real parent guilt in general is very real and didn't you i think

00:37:52.760 you launched your companies after you had uh ocean right literally i launched my cup i launched i were

00:37:59.620 right before i had ocean and like even restocked while right after i gave birth we were like on zoom

00:38:04.960 we're doing a restock in the hospital oh my god and i remember my husband was sitting there and

00:38:10.620 the ocean is a newborn he took like his first poop and he was like changing the diaper on zoom with

00:38:16.460 like our full team and trying to run this restock that we had scheduled yeah you know and so we had

00:38:23.280 we did basically had a baby and launched the brand same time during the pandemic yeah during the

00:38:28.620 pandemic i was trying to sell eyewear when we could go outside it was like it was really a wild time

00:38:32.500 for me and you launched desi skin yeah i launched desi skin a little bit after that like yeah yeah

00:38:38.500 not too long after that's crazy but yeah it's been wild yeah especially when you when you think

00:38:44.840 about like the first few months like you said are so difficult for you personally let alone having a

00:38:51.140 newborn and it's your first baby yeah and on top of that you got another baby which is your business

00:38:55.800 which you also have to tend to yeah and care for and it's like this what you said it's exactly what

00:39:01.420 you said which is like it's just never enough like no matter like to to public perception and

00:39:06.160 people who are hypercritical of moms who work it's just never enough no matter what you do it's just

00:39:10.680 constantly yeah i kind of want to see a like a person that has all these comments i would love to see

00:39:15.520 their perfect scenario for a mother like what is your perfect scenario to where this is a successful

00:39:22.180 mom that isn't to you to you that isn't bothering anyone else it's not like like she's not mooching

00:39:27.940 she's not this she's not just a stay-at-home mom like i would like to see that because i feel like

00:39:31.860 seriously show me the way yeah if you know so much you know let me know let me know if i could do

00:39:37.600 better let me know right you seem to talk a lot like you got you know a lot so let me know what is

00:39:42.960 it any like tips you got let me know i think that what would fix everything is just people having

00:39:48.120 more compassion that's it like i feel like the world would be so much better if everyone just

00:39:51.740 absolutely actually have the the um capability to put themselves in someone else's shoes you know

00:39:57.200 absolutely and it's also um like we talked about the misogynistic aspect of it is like what you said

00:40:03.700 like it's always working mom never working dad it's never like the standards that women are held to as

00:40:09.320 parents is much different than the standards men are held to it's kind of like they're spending time

00:40:14.160 with kids but you're taking care of your kids right i saw actually saw a video on twitter recently of a

00:40:19.740 girl she's a 19 year old mother of two and she had posted a video of her making lunch for her kids

00:40:25.880 or dinner and it was like she put pieces of pizza and then she did like some chips and then some

00:40:31.560 strawberries like blueberries whatever she was getting eaten alive like people were like that's

00:40:37.680 such a horrible meal to feed your children i'm like she's not even old enough to drink but also

00:40:43.160 i'm sorry sometimes all this kid will eat is yeah pizza or mac and cheese or something like

00:40:49.220 and they go through phases where literally you're just happy that they're eating i don't even care

00:40:53.500 like i'm just glad you're eating right now and it's just we're all trying to do our best some nights

00:40:58.260 it'd be like that you know where it's like damn i don't have any food like i didn't like let me just

00:41:02.680 give you this and they're eating they're fine trust me they're fucking fine they're surviving

00:41:06.920 they're doing good you can't always be doing these gourmet meals and and then when you do they

00:41:11.400 like throw the plate on the floor you're just like yeah most of it's in their hair they don't even

00:41:16.360 eat it yeah my are your kids picky eaters or were they like listen my son was such a good eater but

00:41:22.200 now he's in his i just want pretzels mac and cheese and like that's his phase right now that's

00:41:28.560 like yogurt pretzels mac and cheese that's it and then one day yeah that's crazy one day he'll be like

00:41:34.560 oh can i get bread with butter and i'm like okay thank god he's gonna eat something i make him bread

00:41:38.240 and butter and he's like no i don't want this this is a mac and cheese what's this i'm like

00:41:43.500 you're bullying me right now like these kids are bullying me dude it's hard and then like you know

00:41:51.500 i remember but back in the day he would be eating like fish and broccoli and that he was such a good

00:41:56.080 eater and he just flipped a flipped a switch on me that's crazy that's so funny you have no control

00:42:02.700 yeah i think i was like i was a pretty picky eater but like my shit couldn't touch so if the

00:42:08.480 shit touched my mom would have to remake it she would just take it over there and be like i remade

00:42:12.060 it right and give it back to me but i would like i wouldn't eat like i'm like nah my son's kind of

00:42:16.600 like that like sometimes he'll be like i didn't tell no he'll like scream and say i didn't want it

00:42:21.040 in slices i said big pieces like the way i cut it triggers him and i'm like and i'm just sitting

00:42:28.180 there like hanging on by a thread like twitching that's so funny my brother used to refuse to eat

00:42:35.640 um any fruits with skins on it so like no that's a lot of apples yeah but like he just he'd see it

00:42:42.060 and he'd be like i'm not eating that and i'd be like dude are you serious the way i have to like

00:42:47.920 michelin star like prepare the apple otherwise he's gonna throw it across the room he's i'm not eating

00:42:53.080 that yeah he was the pickiest eater out of all three of us like my sister was like cool with whatever

00:42:57.680 i was real middle of the road he refused to eat anything he had like three things max it was like

00:43:02.880 spaghetti chicken nuggets yeah and like some apples but skinless like literally skinless apples like

00:43:11.080 they had to have nothing on them wait till they ask for skinless grapes that's my son literally wants

00:43:18.300 skinless grapes and i'm like how do you even feel like i was like that's that's a grandma thing she did

00:43:24.260 this tea didn't she i know she's skinning your grapes and now i have to skin your grapes thanks

00:43:30.320 a lot now i have to do it that's so funny and is she a good grandma she's a great grandma she's the

00:43:38.680 best grandma yeah she loves she loves sometimes she does things with my kids and i'm here like

00:43:42.820 where was where were you when i was a kid like oh that's nice she'll literally be like fanning him

00:43:50.140 and like feeding him grapes and like put his feet up and he has his own chair and i walk in i'm like

00:43:54.860 why are you doing this to him like he's going to be such a diva now yeah little prince that's what

00:44:00.420 grandparents do though that's that's their job it's blessed is to is to not be the bad guy that's

00:44:05.060 always you right they run to grandma yeah i do are they mama's kids are they more dad are they

00:44:11.220 real split they flip the switch all the time so sometimes they'll really want me and sometimes

00:44:15.960 they really want ocean i mean steven yeah that's good but they always want grandma no no sometimes

00:44:23.480 they're like i don't want to go to grandma's house i want to stay here with you like he hates when we

00:44:26.640 have to work and you know if we're somewhere he's like i don't want to he can always like sense it

00:44:31.320 probably yeah he just he really just decides who he wants to be with all the time it's always

00:44:35.460 someone different some days it's grandma sometimes it's me which is nice you know what's funny is

00:44:40.280 they're little puppet masters and you're just a puppet and they talk to us all different like

00:44:44.200 they know how to play each of us separately like really yeah in what way like you know he'll say

00:44:52.120 the way he talks to my mom is very different than the way he talks to me or like the way he talks to

00:44:56.100 steven he'll be a little bit more like baby talk and like whiny yeah with me he won't do that because

00:45:01.160 like he knows steven how to play him like that'll work on him yeah with me he'll be like mommy you're

00:45:06.760 so beautiful can i have a pretzel i'm like of course he's like i know what i know what works for mom

00:45:14.520 yeah that's so sweet oh my gosh i fucking love that yeah so just to wrap up like what would you say

00:45:21.560 is as like someone who's obviously a mom but you've been like a creator for a long time you're a business

00:45:28.040 owner like what would you say is your best piece of advice for whether it's like prospective moms new

00:45:34.380 moms like new parents in general just someone who doesn't want to lose their identity when it comes

00:45:39.680 to having kids and also wanting to like work and run businesses and everything like that i think

00:45:45.800 what i tell myself personally is to try and stop being the person you were before kids because we are

00:45:55.560 ever evolving and it is a grieving period because you're grieving the person you were but you should

00:46:02.640 be celebrating this next chapter of your life and the person that you're becoming because there's so

00:46:06.880 many beautiful moments that come with all this chaos and trying to hold on to what you were before

00:46:14.900 that's that that'll cripple you a little bit and i think i did that for a while and now i'm just like

00:46:19.280 no i i love it here and sometimes it's hard but like this new person is is great and

00:46:25.480 you just have to kind of give yourself positive talk i'm really working on positive talk especially

00:46:31.460 now after having a daughter because like i never want her to see me be like oh i don't like my body

00:46:38.180 or like why do i look like this oh i look like shit today like all of those things i'm really working

00:46:42.640 on because now that i have kids they're seeing that and like all these behaviors i never want them to

00:46:46.840 pick up on yeah so you just have to speak to yourself and be kind to yourself and understand that

00:46:53.060 your life is gonna always change and yeah even before kids you're not the person you were when

00:46:58.020 you were 19 you're not the person you were when you were a child it's just another it's just another

00:47:01.480 stage yeah and it doesn't it's not worse than the last stage it's just a new stage it's a new stage

00:47:08.020 and it could be a better one who knows yeah i love that that's so sweet and i think i want to thank you

00:47:14.480 for coming on the show first of all adore you forever you're amazing and legendary but also i want to

00:47:20.080 thank you for your vulnerability i think that your ability to transcend like into your community and

00:47:28.440 be able to have them be seen and feel valid in their whether it's their like bad feelings like sad

00:47:34.660 feelings angry feelings or their like euphoric amazing memorable feelings like i just want to

00:47:40.700 commend you on being able to translate that i think it's amazing and i admire you a lot thank you

00:47:45.740 yeah of course so nice that's me being soft don't get used to it

00:47:49.820 and then the laugh comes and you're like that's only for women and anyone who's not a man anyways

00:47:57.260 thank you all so much i love you thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the comment

00:48:03.740 section where can everybody find you um you can find me at desi perkins everywhere or if you're

00:48:10.360 interested in my brands you can find me at desi or at desi skin period we love to see it thank you

00:48:15.880 so much for coming on desi i appreciate you you're amazing and thank you all for joining us

00:48:20.400 on this episode of the comment section show don't forget new episodes of the comment section

00:48:24.680 drop every wednesday and we're exclusively on spotify i'll see you next week bye

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WORKING MOMS PEEL GRAPES TOO Ft. Desi Perkins ｜ Drew Afualo ｜ THE COMMENT SECTION EP 82

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