The Joe Rogan Experience - August 18, 2017


Joe Rogan Experience #1000 - Joey Diaz & Tom Segura

Topics
earthquakes guns and militarization of police handball in prison cooking the books comic-con autograph signings merch prison bathroom smells privacy advances floating different time now scarf breathing technique professional wrestling Paris Hilton and her nightclub appearances hot dogs politics in Hudson County bureaucracy taxes cops police cars and sports Dubai money birthday fight Vince Carter arm and rim dunk
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Joey Diaz Tom Segura
Mentioned
Joey Coco Diaz Jesus Christ Koenigsegg Shirley Tom Segura Jamie Michael Jordan Steve McQueen Dude Big John McCarthy Bushwick Bill Burt Reynolds Harry Kane Vince Carter Jim Morrison Bill Walton Carlo Gambino Randy Couture Pete Rose Paul Wall and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Breakdown - Mayweather vs. McGregor Joe Rogan Experience #1001 - Mike Baker

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 33 minutes

Words per minute

194.28

Word count

41,557

Sentence count

5,342

Harmful content

Misogyny

178

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,851

sentences flagged

Hate speech

146

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about earthquakes and how they scare the shit out of us. We talk about our own personal experiences with earthquakes and what we would do if we were in one. We also talk about how we would survive an earthquake and how scared we would be if we lived in the middle of one. We hope you enjoy this episode and remember to be safe out there in the next one! -Joey and Scooter (Joey's uncle) (Tom's cousin) Tom's cousin Joe's cousin (Joe's aunt) Joey's cousin's and Joe's friend talk about their own personal experience with earthquakes, and what it's like living in Los Angeles and dealing with them. If you haven't lived in LA or know someone who has, you should definitely listen to this one. It's pretty scary. Tom and Joe talk about the Northridge earthquake, the earthquake in Northridge, and the one in Boulder, Colorado that scared the hell out of them the night before they moved to LA. Joe talks about how scared he was when he first moved here, and how he's been here since he moved here and how much he's come to love living in LA now. Joey talks about being scared of earthquakes and the fear that comes with moving to LA and how to deal with them, and why he doesn't put slippers on when he's not in a big city. We also talks about what he's scared him the first time he felt an earthquake. It's a good one, so don't miss this episode. - Tom and Joey talk about what it was like to live in LA and what its like to be in a city that's not as safe as it feels like in the big city as a place where you can feel the ground shake. and how it's not safe to be scared of quakes. Thanks for listening to this episode - it's a little scary, but it's okay. Thank you for tuning in! Tom, Scooter, Joe, and Joey, we appreciate you're a rockstar! - Thank you so much for being here. XOXO, and thank you for listening, and we really appreciate it. xoxo, and thanks for listening! Cheers, and keep coming back for listening and supporting us with your support, and good vibes, and love ya, bye, bye.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:05.000 Two, five, four, three, two.
00:00:11.000 Yee-haw! 1.00
00:00:13.000 We're live, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:15.000 A thousand episodes. 0.99
00:00:17.000 Tom Scora, Joey motherfucking Diaz. 0.98
00:00:19.000 We're delayed in starting, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99
00:00:22.000 We did not have a lighter.
00:00:23.000 That was a real panic set in here.
00:00:24.000 That's embarrassing.
00:00:25.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:00:26.000 I thought some shit was really going to go down. 0.98
00:00:28.000 But thank God I am petrified of earthquakes and situations. 0.99
00:00:31.000 I don't put slippers on.
00:00:33.000 I sleep with sneakers on.
00:00:35.000 I got a generator.
00:00:36.000 I got a generator dog.
00:00:39.000 Do you store water?
00:00:40.000 Water tools.
00:00:41.000 I got two weapons.
00:00:43.000 I got an AR-15.
00:00:44.000 Have you been out here for an earthquake?
00:00:47.000 One of them that didn't scare me, but I was just sitting by the computer and I was looking at the cat bowls.
00:00:54.000 You get high and I was looking at the cats and I was looking at the cat bowls and all of a sudden the whole building tipped.
00:00:59.000 I saw the cat balls up in the air spinning and the cats running for their lives. 0.99
00:01:04.000 They were acting weird a couple seconds before that and that's why I go, why are they so fucked up? 0.98
00:01:10.000 Oh, they were acting weird before the earthquake. 0.99
00:01:13.000 They say animals can figure things out.
00:01:16.000 So I started looking at the cat bowls. 0.99
00:01:17.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.99
00:01:19.000 That they're doing that. 0.99
00:01:20.000 And all of a sudden, dog, I just saw the cat bowls.
00:01:22.000 It's like a cartoon up in the air, spinning the earthquake, and the whole building shifted.
00:01:27.000 I heard the bricks, the whole thing.
00:01:30.000 I thought about it being at night, sleep apnea. 0.99
00:01:32.000 You got to have a conveyor, whatever the fuck. 0.98
00:01:35.000 And they sell like for $600, you get one with everything. 0.99
00:01:37.000 Lights, an iron, it fucking cleans your water. 1.00
00:01:42.000 You have to have this shit. 1.00
00:01:44.000 You panic about what earthquakes are like before you move here. 1.00
00:01:48.000 I remember the first week I was here, I was in an apartment.
00:01:52.000 In Sherman Oaks.
00:01:53.000 And I was standing at the kitchen counter of this person's apartment on their laptop doing like sending an email.
00:02:00.000 And I felt a little, and I go, in my head, I go, oh, that's the subway.
00:02:04.000 And I kept typing.
00:02:05.000 And then he goes, did you feel that?
00:02:07.000 And I was like, yeah.
00:02:08.000 And he's like, crazy, right?
00:02:09.000 That's the earth shake underneath your feet.
00:02:11.000 And I was like, oh!
00:02:12.000 And it's like a panic sets in.
00:02:13.000 You're like, oh my god, I've actually experienced the earth moving now. 0.87
00:02:17.000 And then the next step is like when you are, like if you're asleep and then you hear the dresser, you know, or something that's hanging on your wall bumping, you're like, what the fuck's going on?
00:02:27.000 It takes you that extra beat to figure out that you're going through an earthquake. 1.00
00:02:31.000 That extra beat is fucked. 0.99
00:02:32.000 How many have you been through? 1.00
00:02:34.000 Nothing big, but like fives, 5.5s, a couple of those.
00:02:38.000 The first one I was in was an aftershock of the Northridge earthquake. 0.96
00:02:42.000 I was staying in North Hollywood, and I was in this shitty apartment.
00:02:46.000 It was made out of the same boxes that they used to ship refrigerators in. 0.70
00:02:51.000 Literally, the walls, when the earthquake hit, the walls just went like this.
00:02:55.000 I mean, like the whole thing was just like a giant was pushing on the house. 0.98
00:02:59.000 Scary as fuck, right? 0.99
00:03:00.000 Yeah, well, it's humbling. 1.00
00:03:02.000 Yeah.
00:03:02.000 Because you realize, like, this is nothing.
00:03:04.000 This isn't chewing up the street.
00:03:05.000 This isn't knocking over any houses.
00:03:07.000 Imagine what it felt like when that big one hit and it hit for 30 seconds.
00:03:13.000 Yeah.
00:03:13.000 For 30 seconds is so long to feel the ground moving.
00:03:17.000 That's why those people moved to Boulder.
00:03:19.000 Well, that's why.
00:03:20.000 I was just going to say that.
00:03:21.000 Yeah.
00:03:21.000 When you have that experience...
00:03:24.000 There's some people that, because for a few days after Northbridge, there was aftershocks.
00:03:30.000 Yeah.
00:03:30.000 And there's people that one day look at their kids and go, I'm not going through this again.
00:03:34.000 I work in Wilshire.
00:03:35.000 I work on Wilshire.
00:03:36.000 I have a big building.
00:03:37.000 What if? 1.00
00:03:38.000 What if I was in that fucking building? 1.00
00:03:40.000 What if? 1.00
00:03:41.000 So a lot of people, just a bad...
00:03:43.000 That's what everybody's waiting for.
00:03:45.000 An earthquake here, because then people leave and they sell their houses for dirt cheap. 1.00
00:03:49.000 Like, fuck it, we're out. 1.00
00:03:50.000 It does happen. 1.00
00:03:50.000 We're out. 1.00
00:03:51.000 We're gone.
00:03:51.000 They don't ever want to experience it again.
00:03:53.000 But then I see a guy like my uncle who's lived here since 55. And I've asked him, were you ever scared?
00:04:00.000 And he goes, you know, you feel them, but...
00:04:02.000 Dude, when I first moved here, before I first moved here, I was out here for meetings, and I went by a section of the highway, I think it was the 10, that had collapsed, and they were moving cars around it.
00:04:14.000 Yeah.
00:04:14.000 And as we're, is this what happened?
00:04:16.000 Yeah.
00:04:16.000 What is this, an apartment building that collapsed?
00:04:18.000 Yeah, just Northridge earthquake.
00:04:19.000 Oh, this is the Northridge one? 1.00
00:04:21.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:04:21.000 Yeah, dude, that was a fucking serious earthquake, man. 1.00
00:04:26.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:04:26.000 Like, fucking serious. 0.99
00:04:28.000 And when I was driving by this one section of the highway, it collapsed on the lower section. 0.99
00:04:32.000 And I remember thinking, that's just shit luck. 0.94
00:04:34.000 Like this right here. 0.98
00:04:35.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.98
00:04:36.000 Like, you could be there, and that is just shit luck. 0.98
00:04:38.000 It is, really. 0.99
00:04:39.000 Blam! 0.78
00:04:39.000 That thing lands on you, and that's how you go. 0.78
00:04:41.000 I'm sorry.
00:04:42.000 I am a hard-working individual.
00:04:46.000 I really try to do anything I could to help myself.
00:04:50.000 But when people call me and tell me they want me to go to a meeting, In Santa Monica, after like three, unless I'm picking up an envelope, I tell him no.
00:05:00.000 Remember when that kid won the Oscar for Modern Family and he said, I was always the guy that went to Ocean Avenue at 5 for those auditions?
00:05:07.000 Yeah.
00:05:08.000 You deserve an Oscar because...
00:05:10.000 When you switch from the 10 to the 405, you gotta wait on that ramp.
00:05:15.000 That is such first world privilege right there. 0.98
00:05:17.000 And if you're fucking high and you're in the middle of that ramp, your mind starts playing. 0.98
00:05:22.000 I'm telling you, I've been stuck on that ramp and I've gone never again. 0.99
00:05:26.000 I want to go through this ramp.
00:05:28.000 I don't ever want to be in the middle of that ramp.
00:05:30.000 That's not good. 1.00
00:05:31.000 Your mind starts playing with you and you remember those images and you go, fuck that. 1.00
00:05:36.000 Okay, let's plan this right now. 1.00
00:05:38.000 If the shit hits the fan and this thing shakes to the ground, where are we going? 0.99
00:05:42.000 Because listen, one of the main reasons why I like being in LA is because I like you guys. 0.99
00:05:47.000 Yeah, so we're going to all go.
00:05:48.000 For real, like 100%.
00:05:50.000 That was the thing that bothered me the most about Colorado.
00:05:55.000 There was a lot of nice people out there, but I didn't know you guys weren't out there.
00:05:58.000 You were alone.
00:05:59.000 It's a weird feeling to be alone.
00:06:01.000 I would see you when we worked together, but there's something fun about running into you guys all the time.
00:06:06.000 It makes life better.
00:06:07.000 We do sets at the store.
00:06:09.000 The factory, and wherever we're at.
00:06:11.000 It's more fun.
00:06:12.000 It makes life more fun.
00:06:13.000 I would do it.
00:06:15.000 100%.
00:06:15.000 I would do a group move to Colorado.
00:06:17.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:06:17.000 That's what I'm talking about. 1.00
00:06:18.000 I love that state.
00:06:19.000 That's what we do.
00:06:20.000 The group move to Colorado is the right way.
00:06:22.000 You gotta remember, guys, it's not our decision in that.
00:06:24.000 It could be you go home and Mrs. Rogan sits you down and go, I'm not living through this again.
00:06:30.000 In fact, I packed the bags.
00:06:35.000 I'm going to Colorado without you.
00:06:37.000 I'm going to a hotel.
00:06:38.000 Some people, it affects that way.
00:06:40.000 That they go, like, this ends today.
00:06:44.000 With that earthquake, you're saying? 0.99
00:06:45.000 I bet if you feel it, if you feel that motherfucker, the ones that take down highways, if you feel that, you're like, oh my god. 0.98
00:06:52.000 This is not even a really big one. 0.99
00:06:54.000 Really big ones change the shape of continents.
00:06:57.000 True.
00:06:58.000 I mean, that's the real fear.
00:07:00.000 The real fear is there's a giant one, like a 10 or an 11. Part of you, by the way, always feels kind of crazy.
00:07:06.000 Like when I was growing up in Florida with hurricanes, that like after a hurricane, you're like, are we staying after this?
00:07:12.000 Yeah, it happens all the time.
00:07:13.000 That's Florida's mentality. 0.81
00:07:15.000 We'll just board up and get beer.
00:07:17.000 Yeah, but there's something about a hurricane that, like, for whatever reason, I feel like if you're just in the basement, the top blows off the thing, and you just fucking strap yourself down like a wild ride at Disneyland.
00:07:26.000 But now they give you these warnings, they're like, you're definitely gonna die if you're at the beach. 0.99
00:07:30.000 And people still are like, fuck it. 1.00
00:07:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:07:33.000 Oh, for sure.
00:07:34.000 I had my friend's mom.
00:07:34.000 His mom is like 70-something years old.
00:07:36.000 And this big one was coming. 0.99
00:07:38.000 They're like, this time we're not fucking around. 0.98
00:07:40.000 This is a Category 5. This is going to absolutely devastate this area. 0.96
00:07:45.000 And she was like, absolutely not.
00:07:47.000 I've been here 40-some years. 0.98
00:07:49.000 Nothing ever fucking happens. 0.99
00:07:51.000 And he begged her and she was like, no. 0.98
00:07:53.000 And it's like, you know, those reports are always rolling the dice because they'll say it's going to be this bad and then it'll, you know, it'll turn or it'll land different.
00:08:01.000 Yeah.
00:08:02.000 And it turned into like a tropical storm.
00:08:04.000 She was like, see?
00:08:05.000 But she was like the only person that stayed.
00:08:09.000 Like, everybody else, we would always bail.
00:08:11.000 I don't know if you were ever there for a hurricane, but, like, we would always book it, man.
00:08:15.000 As soon as they were like, this thing is gonna land, we're like, no, there's no way.
00:08:19.000 And even driving in those tropical storms was unreal, man.
00:08:24.000 Like, you can't see...
00:08:26.000 An inch in front of the car.
00:08:27.000 It's like you're driving through a car wash.
00:08:29.000 We had a stop once.
00:08:30.000 Were you with me when Eddie did that seminar in Miami when we were working at West Palm?
00:08:34.000 Did you go down with us?
00:08:35.000 No.
00:08:36.000 Eddie was doing a seminar in Miami.
00:08:40.000 We were in West Palm.
00:08:40.000 It's like a half hour away.
00:08:42.000 So we left to go to the seminar, and we were stopped dead on the highway.
00:08:47.000 You could not see an inch in front of the windshield. 0.99
00:08:50.000 It was fucking crazy! 0.98
00:08:52.000 It lasted for about 15 minutes, but it was just... 0.98
00:08:57.000 The sky opened up.
00:08:59.000 All the time there.
00:08:59.000 All the time.
00:09:00.000 We don't even know what rain is.
00:09:02.000 No.
00:09:02.000 We don't even know.
00:09:03.000 And I never knew growing up.
00:09:04.000 Like in Boston.
00:09:05.000 Growing up.
00:09:05.000 Growing up in Boston, I never saw that.
00:09:07.000 Yeah.
00:09:07.000 We saw it rain.
00:09:09.000 We never saw that.
00:09:10.000 Like that's some next level.
00:09:11.000 I haven't really seen it duplicated since leaving there.
00:09:15.000 I saw one bad.
00:09:16.000 It's pretty crazy.
00:09:17.000 As a child, I saw one bad rainstorm in Jersey.
00:09:21.000 Where the clouds got dark.
00:09:23.000 Yeah.
00:09:23.000 It started hailing.
00:09:25.000 Have you ever lived through hailing in Colorado? 1.00
00:09:27.000 That's fucked up. 0.98
00:09:28.000 Did you see videos of when people's cars are just getting destroyed? 1.00
00:09:32.000 Oh my God.
00:09:32.000 And there's one guy had a film of a lake.
00:09:35.000 They were watching it and it slowly ramps up.
00:09:37.000 It's like one, two, one, two.
00:09:39.000 And he's like, whoa, look at the size of this hail. 1.00
00:09:41.000 And then all of a sudden it's, fuck! 0.99
00:09:43.000 It's literally like we're being attacked with rocks from space. 1.00
00:09:47.000 Like here, watch this.
00:09:48.000 Look at this. 1.00
00:09:49.000 Look at this fucking guy's pool! 1.00
00:09:51.000 Yeah, there's a gang of these, man. 1.00
00:09:53.000 But, like, look at this one.
00:09:54.000 Look at that!
00:09:55.000 That's rocks!
00:09:55.000 Those are ice rocks!
00:09:57.000 It fucks people's cars up.
00:09:59.000 This is insane! 0.71
00:09:59.000 Oh, destroys. 0.71
00:10:01.000 Destroys cars.
00:10:01.000 Whenever this happens in Colorado...
00:10:02.000 Look at the fucking water, dude! 1.00
00:10:04.000 A thousand roofers moved to Colorado. 1.00
00:10:06.000 Because there's work for two fucking years. 1.00
00:10:08.000 Yeah, but you get KO'd! 1.00
00:10:09.000 Jesus Christ!
00:10:10.000 Yeah, look at it!
00:10:10.000 It's getting worse!
00:10:11.000 This is insane!
00:10:12.000 Dude, you get KO'd. 0.96
00:10:14.000 Okay, especially if you're like a little kid.
00:10:16.000 Oh, definitely. 1.00
00:10:16.000 Imagine being a five-year-old out in this and you get fucking pummeled to death. 1.00
00:10:20.000 Has anybody ever died from hail? 0.98
00:10:23.000 It has to have happened.
00:10:24.000 Seems like it.
00:10:25.000 The first week I moved to LA, Tom Segura, the first week I moved to LA on a Monday, and that Friday was the North Hollywood shootout.
00:10:34.000 Really?
00:10:35.000 I was like, I'm not sure if this was the place for me.
00:10:37.000 That was that week?
00:10:38.000 That Monday I came in, I was living with Stanhope, I went to find a job that Friday, and there was a bunch of traffic, and they were like, nah, there's a North Hollywood shootout.
00:10:47.000 I didn't know what North Hollywood was.
00:10:48.000 That shootout changed policing nationwide.
00:10:52.000 You know that?
00:10:53.000 That incident changed the way they viewed having weapons, changed their training.
00:10:58.000 They never even contemplated that people would rob a bank with fully automatic machine guns. 0.89
00:11:05.000 Do you remember the scenes of the guy coming out with the body armor just fucking blasting? 0.99
00:11:08.000 And that dude was laying by a car after he was hit, just shooting up at helicopters and shit. 1.00
00:11:13.000 That was fucking crazy, man. 0.99
00:11:15.000 I remember that national news. 1.00
00:11:17.000 That was just like a big fucking deal. 0.98
00:11:18.000 You couldn't get on the 101. No, I was in the news radio break room. 0.98
00:11:23.000 We were getting ready to film a scene, and we were watching it. 1.00
00:11:26.000 Me and Candy Alexander huddled up together going, what in the fuck? 0.99
00:11:30.000 Everybody came in, guys, get in here, get in here! 0.99
00:11:32.000 We were all in there watching. 1.00
00:11:34.000 They're like, what in the fuck? 0.99
00:11:36.000 And it changed the way they, what kind of tactics they use and the equipment they give police. 0.99
00:11:42.000 Absolutely.
00:11:43.000 Monday night.
00:11:43.000 They had 38s back then.
00:11:45.000 They still reference it all the time.
00:11:46.000 I did a ride-along two months ago with the Hollywood division.
00:11:50.000 Dude.
00:11:50.000 And the guy was still talking about it.
00:11:52.000 He's like, we have this because of this shootout. 0.99
00:11:54.000 And you know, that's a lot of people say, oh man, fucking militarization of the police, man. 0.98
00:12:00.000 And there's a lot of it that's not good. 0.98
00:12:02.000 You give people too much power, it's not good. 0.98
00:12:04.000 But if some shit happens like that, they need that. 0.99
00:12:08.000 Otherwise, they're sitting ducks. 0.99
00:12:09.000 Yeah.
00:12:10.000 Do you know what kind of weapons you get on the streets right now?
00:12:13.000 Oh, dude. 0.99
00:12:14.000 Do you have any fucking idea of the firepower? 0.99
00:12:16.000 You get on the streets, some AR-15s. 1.00
00:12:18.000 You get some wild shit on the fucking street. 1.00
00:12:20.000 All you have to do is this number. 1.00
00:12:22.000 It's real quick, mathematics, for anybody who's interested.
00:12:24.000 There's 350 million people somewhere around this country.
00:12:26.000 There's more guns than there are people.
00:12:28.000 And they're still making guns.
00:12:29.000 Every day they make guns.
00:12:30.000 There's a gun-making industry.
00:12:32.000 It's gigantic.
00:12:33.000 Yeah.
00:12:33.000 They're making all kinds of guns all over the country.
00:12:36.000 Every year, newer, higher tech.
00:12:39.000 They're not getting rid of any guns.
00:12:40.000 No, no.
00:12:41.000 Like all those guns for toys.
00:12:42.000 Oh, give back your gun and you'll get a toy.
00:12:44.000 Okay. 1.00
00:12:45.000 Go fuck yourself. 1.00
00:12:45.000 Someone's a factory going on right now. 1.00
00:12:47.000 They're cranking out ARs.
00:12:48.000 Ka-bang, ka-bang, ka-bang.
00:12:50.000 And one person's like, here you go.
00:12:52.000 Some rusty old.22 for a teddy bear. 1.00
00:12:55.000 I'll take you to a fucking handball court. 1.00
00:12:56.000 You'd get anything except a hunting rifle. 1.00
00:12:58.000 I can't believe they're playing handball still.
00:13:00.000 That's how they get that.
00:13:01.000 Who's dedicated to handball?
00:13:01.000 Who's like, I'm going to be the best, bro?
00:13:02.000 When you get out of prison.
00:13:03.000 What do you think you do in prison?
00:13:05.000 You play handball.
00:13:06.000 So when you get out, you claim disability, you play handball all day, and it's a cover for you, that you're half a Momo, but you play handball, but you sell guns that kill. 0.80
00:13:15.000 You'll get a gun at a handball court for $50 that shot three people.
00:13:18.000 That gun hasn't missed. 1.00
00:13:21.000 A motherfucker shot himself, a motherfucker committed suicide long range with those guns. 1.00
00:13:26.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:13:27.000 They got guns that don't miss on the little handball courts. 1.00
00:13:31.000 Did you play handball in prison, is that you said?
00:13:33.000 I played handball like the first two weeks, and it just wasn't for me.
00:13:36.000 I played in Colorado because there was a few guys from the Bronx.
00:13:41.000 So when I went to Summit County, because I was arrested in Boulder, but once you start your state sentence, they were going to send me to Missouri or Texas.
00:13:49.000 I ended up going to Summit County.
00:13:51.000 Summit County is like...
00:13:53.000 We don't really have bars.
00:13:55.000 Yeah.
00:13:55.000 Oh, no!
00:13:56.000 You could just do what you want here.
00:13:58.000 Yeah.
00:13:58.000 At night at 10 o'clock the guard would go to the Pathmark.
00:14:01.000 Not Pathmark, like a supermarket.
00:14:03.000 Yeah.
00:14:03.000 And get us chips and sodas.
00:14:05.000 What? 1.00
00:14:05.000 It was like a fucking daycare. 1.00
00:14:07.000 Wow. 1.00
00:14:08.000 So did you get along?
00:14:09.000 Everyone got along pretty well?
00:14:10.000 Yeah, I hung out with a dude from the Bronx that played handball and we became friends together.
00:14:15.000 He had been on the run for 12 years.
00:14:17.000 But this guy was brilliant. 0.99
00:14:19.000 He was fucking brilliant. 0.99
00:14:20.000 Like, the shit he had done, he had driven the cops. 0.99
00:14:23.000 Like, what's that movie Leonardo DiCaprio did? 0.99
00:14:25.000 Cast me if you can.
00:14:26.000 Like, he was that guy.
00:14:27.000 Right.
00:14:27.000 And the final thing he did to them was, they caught him and he set him up on a drug sting.
00:14:33.000 Like, I read the paperwork.
00:14:34.000 It was brilliant.
00:14:35.000 He set him up on a drug sting.
00:14:37.000 He said, I know where I could go buy 10 kilos of coke.
00:14:40.000 The cops actually gave him $250,000 cash to buy the 10 kilos of coke.
00:14:46.000 He set it up with his friend to have a car behind the house.
00:14:49.000 The car was empty.
00:14:50.000 The house was empty.
00:14:52.000 The cops never even did a background check to see who lived in the house.
00:14:55.000 Jesus.
00:14:56.000 The house was empty.
00:14:57.000 He went through the front and went out the back and disappeared, traveled for ten years.
00:15:02.000 And he came back to the States because his dad died and they arrested him.
00:15:06.000 Wow.
00:15:06.000 He took a chance ten years ago.
00:15:08.000 Ten years ago, he went to like Aruba.
00:15:11.000 And just play the shuffleboard handball.
00:15:14.000 That's a dark world.
00:15:15.000 The world of the expat and those South American tourist communities.
00:15:19.000 Yeah.
00:15:19.000 That's like that...
00:15:20.000 It's pretty sizable, too, right?
00:15:21.000 It's very sizable.
00:15:23.000 All over Mexico, there's a lot of people in Brazil and all parts of South America.
00:15:29.000 I had a friend that's dad was island hopping all throughout his adolescence just to avoid taxes.
00:15:35.000 Just to avoid taxes.
00:15:36.000 Wow.
00:15:37.000 And then the crazy thing to me is that they came here, like they came back eventually, and I'm like, so is he in trouble?
00:15:42.000 He's like, no.
00:15:43.000 How is he not in trouble?
00:15:45.000 He's like, I don't know.
00:15:46.000 Aren't they gonna catch him?
00:15:48.000 He's like, no.
00:15:50.000 What do you mean, man?
00:15:50.000 He's here now.
00:15:52.000 Is that a whole new identity?
00:15:53.000 No.
00:15:54.000 Okay.
00:15:54.000 Don't worry about that.
00:15:55.000 Does he pay taxes?
00:15:57.000 No.
00:15:57.000 Now he doesn't?
00:15:58.000 He still doesn't.
00:15:59.000 He's blowing up his spot.
00:16:00.000 And then my friend was still like, you know you don't have to pay taxes.
00:16:02.000 Oh, one of those guys.
00:16:03.000 Talk to Wesley Snipes.
00:16:05.000 Yeah, I know.
00:16:05.000 He goes, Google it.
00:16:07.000 I was like, Google it?
00:16:08.000 You have to pay taxes, man.
00:16:09.000 Google it.
00:16:10.000 When that's your thing, just look it up, man. 0.99
00:16:12.000 God damn it. 0.99
00:16:12.000 Pay your taxes. 0.99
00:16:13.000 That's the worst advice.
00:16:14.000 They'll lock you up so quick. 1.00
00:16:15.000 They'll fuck you up, of course. 1.00
00:16:16.000 And it doesn't matter if you pay them. 0.99
00:16:17.000 See, if you owe money to, say, like, Exxon, you know, whatever, they'll sue you.
00:16:22.000 You have to pay the money.
00:16:23.000 You pay the money. 1.00
00:16:24.000 But if the IRS, if you owe money to the IRS, they put you in a fucking cage. 0.99
00:16:30.000 For sure. 0.99
00:16:31.000 Regardless of if you pay.
00:16:32.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:16:32.000 Let's say you owe.
00:16:33.000 Even if you agree to pay it, they say, yeah, you're going to go in a cage first.
00:16:37.000 Yeah, no.
00:16:38.000 Pay your taxes.
00:16:38.000 If you owe a company money, They file a judgment against you, and then they sell the paper, and then you get called at comedy clubs like I used to.
00:16:45.000 You know, when I first started comedy, I owed so much money.
00:16:48.000 Did you really?
00:16:48.000 I'd go to a comedy club, and the manager would go, you just got a call.
00:16:51.000 You just got three calls. 0.99
00:16:53.000 And I'd go, holy shit, it's HBO. Really, like collections? 0.98
00:16:57.000 In my mind, I would go, it's HBO, oh shit. 0.98
00:17:01.000 And all of a sudden, they would go, Joey, it's the same guy. 0.98
00:17:03.000 And I'd pick up the phone, Joey, Discover card, we never got that payment. 1.00
00:17:08.000 Motherfucker. 1.00
00:17:09.000 Wow. 1.00
00:17:09.000 They fucking figured out. 1.00
00:17:10.000 They have tremendous scams to people looking for you. 1.00
00:17:13.000 They have a computer that they'll go on to see what are the numbers that usually call you, and they'll get that number, and when they call you, that number will come up.
00:17:24.000 Over your caller ID. They do some illegal shit when they're looking for you. 0.99
00:17:28.000 But when you get a judgment from Exxon, seven years, you don't pay it. 0.99
00:17:32.000 It goes away.
00:17:33.000 The government, that judgment never goes away.
00:17:36.000 That and the student loan. 1.00
00:17:37.000 These motherfuckers that tell student loans to suck their dick. 1.00
00:17:40.000 Oh, yeah, student loans. 1.00
00:17:42.000 That's even more intense than IRS stuff.
00:17:45.000 Well, you know, that's all the government as well.
00:17:47.000 The thing about student loans is it doesn't get erased when you go to bankruptcy.
00:17:50.000 Yeah, it doesn't get erased.
00:17:51.000 So if you file for bankruptcy, anything else is gone.
00:17:54.000 I paid a student loan.
00:17:56.000 I thought it was cute.
00:17:56.000 I took the last one out, the 2625, the minimum.
00:18:00.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:18:01.000 I've known a couple of people. 1.00
00:18:03.000 They showed up about three years ago, dog, with a big old number.
00:18:05.000 I had to get an attorney to negotiate it down and get off it.
00:18:08.000 The IRS, I didn't pay taxes from 90 to 2001. What?
00:18:16.000 Dog, I was crazy.
00:18:17.000 I was hiding.
00:18:18.000 I was doing, you know, what was I making?
00:18:19.000 8,000 years of road comic?
00:18:21.000 Yeah, okay.
00:18:21.000 Triple runs.
00:18:22.000 What am I going to file?
00:18:23.000 Yeah.
00:18:23.000 So I didn't file.
00:18:24.000 I made money one out of the 13 years or 11 years.
00:18:28.000 And one day I walked in downtown.
00:18:30.000 I thought they were going to shoot me in the head. 0.53
00:18:32.000 I took a number. 0.84
00:18:33.000 They called my name.
00:18:34.000 I went back there.
00:18:35.000 I told them I hadn't filed in 11 years.
00:18:37.000 They asked me what I did.
00:18:38.000 I talked to the lady for a half hour.
00:18:40.000 She goes, we don't go back for seven.
00:18:44.000 So you've got seven free years.
00:18:46.000 They don't throw you in... 1.00
00:18:48.000 Listen, you have to be a dumb motherfucker for them to throw you in jail. 1.00
00:18:52.000 Or you have to be a public figure. 1.00
00:18:54.000 They give you every option, John.
00:18:56.000 The public figure, you're actually worse off than if you're some just legitimate businessman.
00:19:01.000 But if you're a public figure, I could go down there with my attorney and say, look...
00:19:04.000 I'm going to shoot ten movies in the next three years.
00:19:06.000 No, they would not let Wesley Snipes do that.
00:19:08.000 Because he gave them such a... 1.00
00:19:09.000 At first he was telling them all this shit that fuck rules and fuck the United States and black Africa and reprimand. 1.00
00:19:16.000 Yeah, he was talking about all that shit and that shit drives them crazy. 1.00
00:19:21.000 I don't think that's what he was talking about. 1.00
00:19:22.000 He made a case that he didn't owe them.
00:19:24.000 Yes!
00:19:25.000 No, I don't owe them.
00:19:27.000 No, you gotta go in there humble and they'll play with you. 1.00
00:19:30.000 Once you start talking about Amendment 11 and Thomas Jefferson, black reparations, Chinese yakuza's, they don't give a freshman as fuck. 0.99
00:19:39.000 There's a lot of those people out there that convince people that they don't have to pay taxes and it's not in the Constitution. 0.99
00:19:44.000 It's like they want to believe it, like a conspiracy theory, you know?
00:19:47.000 Well, no, it might be.
00:19:48.000 Here's the thing.
00:19:49.000 I mean, you might have a legal argument, but it doesn't matter. 1.00
00:19:52.000 They'll put you in a fucking cage. 0.99
00:19:55.000 Tax evasion is a real law. 1.00
00:19:56.000 They'll take that money and put you in a fucking cage, and you won't make any money. 0.99
00:20:00.000 They'll put that kid from fucking the solution. 1.00
00:20:02.000 What's that? 0.99
00:20:02.000 That kid that we met at the time. 0.99
00:20:04.000 The solution.
00:20:04.000 The situation.
00:20:05.000 Whatever his fucking name is. 1.00
00:20:07.000 Let me get a tissue paper. 1.00
00:20:09.000 What's the kid from Tarantino that we met?
00:20:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:12.000 He's a nice guy.
00:20:13.000 He's a very nice guy.
00:20:14.000 He's a very nice guy.
00:20:14.000 Wait, what happened to him?
00:20:15.000 He tried to...
00:20:16.000 He actually didn't just not pay his taxes.
00:20:20.000 There were some shenanigans.
00:20:21.000 He pretended he made less than he actually did.
00:20:24.000 He'll get you on that, too.
00:20:25.000 Why these Pete Roses and They got Sinbad, remember that?
00:20:28.000 They were putting him on the front page of the LA Times for years.
00:20:31.000 Do you know why though, dawg?
00:20:33.000 Mike, the situation Sarantino hit with more charges.
00:20:36.000 Including tax evasion and structuring.
00:20:38.000 Tax evasion.
00:20:40.000 Like once you structure it and you're the mastermind of it.
00:20:44.000 That's not a good sign.
00:20:46.000 You're definitely going to the farm.
00:20:47.000 You know what the craziest part of the story was to me?
00:20:49.000 For that period that they're hitting him up about, he made $9 million.
00:20:55.000 Good for him.
00:20:56.000 I just was amazed.
00:20:57.000 I didn't realize that from...
00:20:59.000 I mean, I remember that show, obviously, a huge hit, but that's an incredible sum of money.
00:21:03.000 We should really pay attention to this.
00:21:05.000 To his?
00:21:06.000 Not just his, but what they can do.
00:21:09.000 Because you think about what it is, we're just talking about money, right?
00:21:12.000 And we're talking about some deception on his part, where you try to keep some money.
00:21:16.000 Yeah.
00:21:17.000 Try to make it look like you're in the house.
00:21:18.000 You can do that with anybody else.
00:21:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:21:20.000 Say if you're in some sort of a deal with Costco, and you do some sneaky shit. 0.79
00:21:24.000 They can sue you, and you'll owe them, and you have to pay them, but there's no threat of jail time. 0.95
00:21:28.000 Right.
00:21:29.000 Right?
00:21:29.000 I mean, is there?
00:21:30.000 If you tried to cook the books...
00:21:33.000 Would they get you?
00:21:34.000 Would they put you in jail or would they just try to fine you?
00:21:37.000 They have a lot of different names.
00:21:38.000 He'd probably pay fines, though, I'm guessing, right?
00:21:40.000 Do you think it would be the same kind of scrutiny and attention, though, that he's getting?
00:21:43.000 No, I think it would be all about paying a lot of money.
00:21:45.000 Let's pretend that Mike Sorrentino, is that his name?
00:21:48.000 Let's pretend that he had some sort of a deal with Chevrolet.
00:21:51.000 And, you know, he was using his name to sell cars. 0.94
00:21:54.000 But he was fucking around with some money and cooking the books and a little bit of this, a little bit of that. 0.95
00:21:59.000 To the same tune as what was going on with the IRS. What do you think they would do to him? 0.96
00:22:03.000 Would you even be seeing this on TV? No, it would be like a suit.
00:22:07.000 Right, because what they're saying is, this guy tried to fuck the Big Daddy. 1.00
00:22:13.000 Right. 1.00
00:22:13.000 I mean, that's what they're showing you. 1.00
00:22:15.000 They're showing you that Big Daddy gets mad when you try to fuck him. 0.99
00:22:18.000 And in the grand scheme of things, it's a lot of money for an individual to earn, but it's not money that affects Big Daddy, but they're sending a message. 0.99
00:22:25.000 No, but Big Daddy's coming after you.
00:22:26.000 But here's the strange thing.
00:22:27.000 Big Daddy is just people.
00:22:29.000 Why do we let anything be Big Daddy?
00:22:32.000 We used to think of it, I think, from almost like a primitive perspective, like you have a king, or you have a leader of a tribe.
00:22:39.000 I think that's how people used to think of it.
00:22:42.000 They used to think of all these organizations, whether it's the FBI or the DEA, as being a part of that. 1.00
00:22:47.000 But there are just a bunch of fucking people. 1.00
00:22:49.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:22:50.000 And no person should ever be Big Daddy to the point where if you have money that's owed to someone else, perhaps, and there's some sort of an argument that you've been deceptive, that they can just swoop down and take all your money.
00:23:03.000 Like, they lock it all up.
00:23:05.000 They go, no, no, no, we're fucking freezing your funds. 0.64
00:23:08.000 Exxon doesn't get to do that. 0.93
00:23:09.000 Chevy doesn't get to do that.
00:23:11.000 Other corporations don't get to do that.
00:23:12.000 But Big Daddy has the overall say.
00:23:15.000 If you violate Big Daddy's code, even though Big Daddy, you don't need to get a receipt from Big Daddy.
00:23:21.000 You give Big Daddy half your money.
00:23:24.000 And Big Daddy just takes it and spends it as they will. 0.99
00:23:26.000 Does whatever the fuck they want. 0.99
00:23:28.000 And you say, what? 1.00
00:23:29.000 You don't think you should pay taxes, you fucking hippie? 1.00
00:23:31.000 What are you, Bernie Sanders supporter? 1.00
00:23:33.000 I'm not even saying that.
00:23:35.000 Don't you think Big Daddy should be accountable?
00:23:37.000 If Big Daddy's going to be able to just throw us in a cage because we don't give him ones and zeros.
00:23:42.000 Don't you think Big Daddy should be a little bit accountable?
00:23:44.000 They should be way more accountable for their spending.
00:23:46.000 Way more!
00:23:47.000 Way more!
00:23:49.000 You should be able to check off boxes, too.
00:23:52.000 There should be needs.
00:23:55.000 Like healthcare?
00:23:56.000 Check.
00:23:57.000 Like police department?
00:23:58.000 Check.
00:23:59.000 Fire department?
00:24:00.000 Check.
00:24:00.000 Things that we all have to pay.
00:24:02.000 And then there should be elective things. 0.99
00:24:04.000 Bunch of elective shit, you know? 0.98
00:24:07.000 Well, I feel like they should also, like, our representatives should be way more willing and, like, mandated to explain in detail and, like, what they're doing, what they're spending on. 1.00
00:24:19.000 Yeah.
00:24:19.000 And I feel like a lot of, you know, House, Congress, Senate, there's just, like, an air of arrogance about the way that they even handle them.
00:24:28.000 You know, Yeah, they have power.
00:24:29.000 Of course.
00:24:29.000 They're Big Daddy.
00:24:30.000 They're Big Daddy.
00:24:32.000 This aloofness that they have, it's always been upsetting to me. 1.00
00:24:36.000 It's fucking gross. 0.99
00:24:37.000 No one should be Big Daddy. 1.00
00:24:39.000 The people in Congress should be humble.
00:24:42.000 You know, that's one of the things about Obama.
00:24:45.000 Say what you want about Obama, whether you like his policies.
00:24:48.000 As a human being, that guy conducted himself better than any president ever.
00:24:53.000 The way he spoke, the way he interacted with people, the way he even responded to criticism.
00:24:59.000 I'm not talking about his policies and you might hate the affordable care.
00:25:04.000 As good as it's ever been.
00:25:05.000 Yeah.
00:25:06.000 Which is why this Trump thing is in such direct contrast.
00:25:10.000 When he's yelling the other day at some reporter and he said, you know, you're fake news.
00:25:14.000 He used that again.
00:25:15.000 I know, man.
00:25:15.000 He said, be quiet, fake news, or something like that.
00:25:18.000 When he was talking about something.
00:25:19.000 You know, we can conflate the two.
00:25:21.000 If you want to talk about policy and effectiveness of an administration and just personal conduct.
00:25:27.000 Let's say you take all the politics out of it.
00:25:29.000 That's what bothers a lot of people.
00:25:31.000 To this moment still, if you just even separate politics, which a lot of people aren't in favor of, just the way he conducts himself.
00:25:39.000 Some people love it.
00:25:39.000 Let's be honest.
00:25:41.000 Some people love it.
00:25:42.000 A very small amount of people love it.
00:25:43.000 But a lot of people are bothered by it.
00:25:45.000 They thought it was fun before he's the president.
00:25:46.000 Yeah, he was saying before, there's no debtor's prison.
00:25:50.000 Yeah.
00:25:51.000 There's no debtor's prison.
00:25:52.000 When I first got into comedy, I was getting divorced.
00:25:55.000 I was getting squeezed by an attorney.
00:25:57.000 And as much as...
00:25:58.000 I'll never forget the first day I ever miss sending a payment for anything.
00:26:02.000 Like, I'll never forget how shitty I felt that my credit rating and everything I had worked all those years was going down the toilet.
00:26:10.000 And then at that point, I said, if I'm walking on ice, I might as well dance. 0.95
00:26:13.000 I mean, I was just buying cars and fucking around and... 0.98
00:26:16.000 You know what? 1.00
00:26:17.000 They couldn't throw me in jail for all that shit. 0.99
00:26:19.000 But one night, Discover closed my account. 1.00
00:26:22.000 Yeah.
00:26:22.000 And I went home and opened up my drawer in one of those.
00:26:24.000 Because when you want coke, you get, fuck Einstein. 1.00
00:26:27.000 You get creative, Jack. 1.00
00:26:29.000 I went home and I opened up a drawer and I saw those checks, those three checks that Discover sends you.
00:26:34.000 Yeah.
00:26:35.000 When you first went the card, get the card.
00:26:38.000 I had a bank account, a bank of Boulder or whatever it was called.
00:26:41.000 I had my car financed through there.
00:26:43.000 I went in there and they had a 24-hour drive-through.
00:26:46.000 I went in there at one o'clock and signed that check over to myself for a thousand.
00:26:50.000 I waited for two seconds and all of a sudden an envelope came out with a hundred, with ten hundreds.
00:26:55.000 I peeled and did 90 out of there.
00:26:58.000 Monday at 9.01, Discover called me and said, you got an hour. 0.99
00:27:03.000 To bring that fucking money back or we're gonna charge you with fraud. 0.98
00:27:07.000 And I was put up against the thing. 1.00
00:27:09.000 I went to the bank.
00:27:10.000 I told them it was a mistake.
00:27:11.000 I didn't know.
00:27:11.000 And one lady said, you know what?
00:27:15.000 I'll take that thousand.
00:27:16.000 I'll give you the thousand, but I'm gonna put it into your car loan.
00:27:19.000 And raise the payments by 25 bucks.
00:27:22.000 For every thousand, it's 25 bucks. 0.99
00:27:24.000 And that's the only reason why I didn't go to jail for that fucking thing. 0.99
00:27:28.000 So they don't put you in jail for being in debt. 0.99
00:27:32.000 They put you in jail for deception.
00:27:34.000 You know how they get athletes and entertainers?
00:27:37.000 You know what their biggest downfall is?
00:27:39.000 When they go to Comic-Cons and those autograph signings.
00:27:42.000 Oh, they don't get paid for those?
00:27:44.000 Or they get paid for those that don't report it?
00:27:46.000 There's two things.
00:27:47.000 There's the people who get $5,000 flat and you take pictures all day.
00:27:52.000 Then there's the people that get...
00:27:54.000 $10 for their t-shirt and $15 for a headshot and a smile.
00:27:59.000 Those $15 go in your pocket, bro.
00:28:01.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:28:03.000 And what happens is you have to give a percentage of that $15 to the guy.
00:28:07.000 It's like when you sell merch at a comedy club now.
00:28:10.000 All of a sudden, now they want 8% of your merch.
00:28:12.000 Same thing.
00:28:13.000 Well, that guy reports it, but Pete Rose, I'm just saying, Pete Rose.
00:28:17.000 I have nothing against Pete Rose.
00:28:18.000 He's my dog.
00:28:19.000 Pete Rose, he just puts $15 in his pocket.
00:28:23.000 Right.
00:28:24.000 Or $60, or he took 10 pictures, it's $150.
00:28:28.000 That's how they come get you on all those autograph things.
00:28:32.000 Right.
00:28:32.000 What's going on here?
00:28:34.000 What's this?
00:28:35.000 It's from an article that somebody's talking about.
00:28:37.000 This article is talking about walking away from Comic-Con with garbage bags full of 20s.
00:28:42.000 This guy said he can make up to 250 grand.
00:28:45.000 What? 1.00
00:28:45.000 Shit. 1.00
00:28:46.000 Twice said he didn't feel a need for representation because he's walking out with a bag full of cash. 1.00
00:28:50.000 What?
00:28:50.000 Who is he?
00:28:51.000 It's like an unnamed person.
00:28:53.000 He's a source, deeply involved.
00:28:54.000 Stephen Arnell, who became so enhanced in the festival business that he started his own talent agency?
00:28:59.000 He's the star of The Arrow, the show The Arrow.
00:29:01.000 Oh, okay.
00:29:02.000 It's like a comic book show on Netflix.
00:29:03.000 Wow.
00:29:04.000 That's a lot of money.
00:29:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:29:07.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:29:07.000 That seems very strange, though. 1.00
00:29:10.000 So, Comic-Con, you pay for a booth, and then I think you give them 3% of your overall take.
00:29:14.000 Don't you think that's really bizarre, having people pay to come meet you?
00:29:19.000 That seems real strange.
00:29:21.000 I think it's weird to charge somebody for a picture and charge somebody to sign.
00:29:26.000 I mean, I guess the signing thing, I understand there's a bit, especially in sports, you know, it's a business.
00:29:31.000 I can understand if you're selling a book.
00:29:33.000 Or if it's your thing that you're signing.
00:29:35.000 Whoa.
00:29:36.000 $500,000 a weekend? 0.99
00:29:37.000 Who the fuck gets that? 0.99
00:29:38.000 Guy from The Walking Dead, Norman Reedus. 1.00
00:29:40.000 What?
00:29:41.000 $200,000 guarantee.
00:29:43.000 $200,000 guarantee in pocket.
00:29:46.000 $500,000 a weekend.
00:29:47.000 I know celebrities who get a flat.
00:29:50.000 And the ones that are on the way real low, like if you want Lucille Ball or if you want Happy Days or something like that, they get piecework.
00:29:59.000 I just changed my mind.
00:30:00.000 I'm all in.
00:30:01.000 I'm doing it next weekend.
00:30:02.000 I'm taking pictures with your mom, your kids.
00:30:05.000 No, no, no.
00:30:06.000 You would never do this, Joe Rogan.
00:30:08.000 Like the other day, a friend of mine called me and he goes, I was at my dad's hospital room the other day and it was the funniest thing.
00:30:15.000 Joe Rogan, a young Joe Rogan sitting around a campfire with people.
00:30:19.000 He goes, I never saw that episode. 0.99
00:30:21.000 And all of a sudden he pulled out a bag of dicks and he made everybody eat dicks. 1.00
00:30:25.000 He goes, me and my dad were fucking howling. 1.00
00:30:27.000 You know, for some people in 10 years, they're going to come to you and say, can I take a picture for $10? 0.98
00:30:34.000 I love Fear Factor. 0.99
00:30:35.000 And you're sitting there going, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
00:30:38.000 I understand that. 0.99
00:30:39.000 I think it's a bad relationship.
00:30:41.000 It is, but when they go to Comic-Con, Yeah.
00:30:46.000 They take their whole savings out.
00:30:47.000 They're ready to go down there.
00:30:48.000 I'm sure.
00:30:48.000 I understand that.
00:30:49.000 And it's a shame.
00:30:50.000 I understand that. 0.97
00:30:50.000 It's a fucking shame, but there's people who do it to make a living. 0.97
00:30:53.000 What are you going to do? 0.99
00:30:54.000 I don't have any problem with it, and I don't have any problem with people doing it to make a living.
00:30:57.000 No, no.
00:30:58.000 But I was just saying, that's how you get nailed.
00:31:00.000 That's how they nail you.
00:31:01.000 Don't you think, though?
00:31:02.000 I mean, could you see yourself doing that?
00:31:04.000 I'm too embarrassed.
00:31:05.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:31:06.000 Listen, when I was a coke fiend, I couldn't sell CDs after a show.
00:31:09.000 So what does that tell you?
00:31:11.000 Why couldn't you?
00:31:12.000 I'm just too embarrassed.
00:31:13.000 Oh, wow.
00:31:14.000 I have a hard time. 0.99
00:31:15.000 I'd rather shake your hand and hug you and get the fuck out than you not come up to me because I'm selling a $25 CD. Yeah, that's a funny thing about you, Joey. 0.99
00:31:25.000 You know, I've been friends with a lot of guys that had substance abuses, like I told you about my friend Johnny, back in New York.
00:31:32.000 And one thing that you both had in common is that even though you had, like, these issues, there was never a point where I felt like I couldn't trust you with something.
00:31:43.000 You know?
00:31:44.000 You never would sell anybody out.
00:31:47.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:31:49.000 You're not a type of person who would do something to hurt somebody else so that you could profit because you were sick and you needed drugs.
00:31:56.000 That was never you.
00:31:57.000 You always had a strong code of ethics.
00:32:00.000 If not, get out that you were worth nothing.
00:32:03.000 I was a junkie that had problems, but when Ari started telling people, he's a junkie, but he pays his bills. 0.99
00:32:09.000 People are like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
00:32:12.000 You are just a guy struggling. 1.00
00:32:15.000 And I recognized in you a lot of what I had seen in my friend Johnny.
00:32:20.000 There's a lot of people that are brilliant people that, for some reason, the fabric of society just doesn't fit them.
00:32:29.000 There's something about getting up in the morning and going to a job, and whatever it is about the way they were raised, the experiences that they had, just who they are inherently from birth, whatever the factors are, there's certain people that just can't do the regular thing.
00:32:44.000 And they just need to find this other thing.
00:32:46.000 For you, it was obviously stand-up.
00:32:47.000 And once you found that other thing and became successful at that other thing, that's when you're...
00:32:52.000 The whole thing changed.
00:32:53.000 That's when you were...
00:32:54.000 I mean, it was really proof positive.
00:32:56.000 I mean, for sure, you learned a lot of things about life.
00:32:58.000 You got older.
00:32:59.000 You got wiser.
00:33:00.000 But I think a big part of you becoming more comfortable and more relaxed and becoming who you are today is that you...
00:33:10.000 You started becoming successful as a comedian.
00:33:12.000 And when you started becoming successful as a comedian, like 10 years ago, things started really ramping up for you.
00:33:19.000 A noticeable relaxing of you.
00:33:22.000 A noticeable change.
00:33:23.000 Because you realize, like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
00:33:27.000 The problem is when this isn't working.
00:33:30.000 And then you think, well, maybe I should go back to selling cars.
00:33:32.000 Maybe I should get a job in a factory.
00:33:34.000 Maybe I should do something three or four nights a week, just bartend, make a little extra money, lighten up the load on the family. 0.99
00:33:42.000 When those types of things start fucking with you, that's when you start doing coke. 0.99
00:33:46.000 That's when you start going crazy. 0.99
00:33:48.000 That's when you stay up late. 1.00
00:33:49.000 That's when you fuck off. 1.00
00:33:51.000 That's when you make big mistakes. 1.00
00:33:52.000 You're unhappy.
00:33:53.000 You're upset.
00:33:55.000 You're in the wrong groove.
00:33:56.000 It wasn't the external struggles.
00:33:58.000 As much as the internal struggles.
00:34:00.000 Or maybe all of it together combined.
00:34:03.000 This November is going to be ten years that I haven't done a line of coke.
00:34:07.000 I still remember being in Cobbs with you the January after the November.
00:34:12.000 And you're like, you haven't done it in 60 days.
00:34:14.000 And I was still, I wasn't sweating it out.
00:34:17.000 Yeah.
00:34:17.000 But I still wasn't trusting myself.
00:34:19.000 Right.
00:34:20.000 I thought I could snap at any minute. 1.00
00:34:21.000 Some chick with hot tits with a gram of coke would call me off. 1.00
00:34:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:34:24.000 You know that? 1.00
00:34:25.000 Yeah.
00:34:25.000 But it never, so I'm going up on 10 years.
00:34:28.000 I've never even done coke and I'm suspect.
00:34:30.000 For, for, you gotta remember, bro, for me it wasn't about success or selling tickets or, for me it was just doing something with my life.
00:34:39.000 Right.
00:34:40.000 Where I had come from, all I wanted was just to do something with my life.
00:34:44.000 If I could pay rent, feed the cats, smoke pot, and do spots, that's a lot better than what I used to do.
00:34:51.000 Yeah.
00:34:51.000 That's a lot better than the life I had.
00:34:54.000 You understand me?
00:34:55.000 Even if I don't go on the road and I'm not Louis C.K., it didn't matter to me.
00:34:59.000 Just that I didn't have to carry a gun or worry about people knocking on my door.
00:35:04.000 I was like Richard Guillenovson's gentleman.
00:35:06.000 I had nowhere else to go.
00:35:07.000 No! 0.99
00:35:08.000 So I might as well go to the store and do that stupid spot at 1245 and look what happened. 1.00
00:35:14.000 You just keep showing up. 1.00
00:35:15.000 Yeah, man.
00:35:16.000 That was a big part of it, but another big part of it was getting you on the internet.
00:35:19.000 That was the thing.
00:35:21.000 We got a chance to show people what I already knew.
00:35:24.000 You know?
00:35:25.000 The only way for you back then to get exposure was you had to do something conventional.
00:35:30.000 It was the only thing that existed.
00:35:31.000 They had to put you in a movie or put you in a TV show.
00:35:34.000 And you got in a few movies and you got in a few TV shows.
00:35:37.000 But they didn't get to see you as Joey Diaz. 0.97
00:35:40.000 But they got to see you as some fucking character actor in that mob movie with Robert De Niro. 0.97
00:35:46.000 But there's a big difference between that and you like this huge. 0.98
00:35:49.000 It took the right thing for you to be this you.
00:35:53.000 It took the internet.
00:35:55.000 The internet, for Joey, is the best medium ever.
00:35:59.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:36:00.000 It's exploded, man.
00:36:01.000 Well, for you, too.
00:36:02.000 For you, too.
00:36:04.000 I love having fun on that.
00:36:06.000 I like it.
00:36:08.000 You're just as good of an example.
00:36:10.000 Like, you don't have a lot of success outside of the internet.
00:36:13.000 No, that's true. 1.00
00:36:14.000 The internet has been your shit, man. 1.00
00:36:15.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00
00:36:15.000 I mean, think about it. 1.00
00:36:16.000 You don't have, like, a long-running television series or a series of movies or anything you do.
00:36:20.000 No, stand-up, yeah. 0.98
00:36:21.000 But you're selling out places that a lot of those guys can't even fuck with. 0.99
00:36:24.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.97
00:36:25.000 All the time because of your podcast, which is, if you haven't seen it, your podcast with your wife is one of my favorite podcasts. 0.99
00:36:31.000 It's so fucking consistently silly. 1.00
00:36:34.000 It is very silly. 1.00
00:36:35.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.99
00:36:36.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:36:36.000 And people get silly when they get on it. 0.99
00:36:39.000 They do, yeah. 0.74
00:36:39.000 And then, you know, I start like seeing things like, oh, this is like your mom's house bit. 0.74
00:36:44.000 I need to send it to Tom.
00:36:45.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:36:46.000 You sent me a couple good ones. 0.97
00:36:47.000 I can't tell a story about taking a shit without 90 people hitting me up the next day telling me that was the most brilliant story in the world. 0.97
00:36:54.000 We're going to send it to Tom Segura. 1.00
00:36:57.000 Every time I tell a shit story, I fart myself or something disgusting. 1.00
00:37:02.000 And two days later, sure enough, you're playing the fucking YouTube video. 1.00
00:37:07.000 That's true. 1.00
00:37:08.000 We've played Joey telling shit stories for sure. 0.99
00:37:11.000 And he told us about when he shit in his backyard and somebody thought a bear had come out. 0.99
00:37:19.000 I'll never forget. 0.99
00:37:20.000 The lady, she would let her dogs out every day at five. 1.00
00:37:25.000 And then she would clean up.
00:37:27.000 They were all French poodles.
00:37:28.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:37:28.000 I could see the dogs, asses high up in the air, were just reeling back from the shit. 1.00
00:37:33.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:37:34.000 She went like this. 1.00
00:37:36.000 Joe Rogan, she looked at it, and she was like 58. So she squinted at the shit up against the wall. 0.99
00:37:42.000 Here's what's beautiful. 1.00
00:37:43.000 I took a shit, and I put my back against the wall. 1.00
00:37:46.000 So when I shit, when you shit outside, it's not going to be a decent shit. 1.00
00:37:50.000 It's going to be like explosive. 1.00
00:37:53.000 So when I got up, it looks like somebody got shot in the head. 0.98
00:37:55.000 There was shit all behind me on the wall. 0.99
00:37:57.000 So she's sitting there with her little French poodles and her little chihuahuas, and she's looking at the wall like, what the fuck happened there? 0.99
00:38:05.000 And all of a sudden, she actually walks up close to it and squints and looks down on it and looks around and runs in the house. 0.99
00:38:12.000 I'm watching all this.
00:38:14.000 I can't breathe.
00:38:15.000 And now I go to the computer because my wife's very decent. 1.00
00:38:18.000 I'm sitting there for half an hour.
00:38:20.000 And then my wife comes in and she goes, were you home all day today?
00:38:24.000 I go, yeah, why?
00:38:25.000 She goes, I just had a conversation with Susan.
00:38:30.000 She wanted to know if you heard anything in the backyard.
00:38:33.000 Because some animal took a ship back there.
00:38:36.000 I went to get sushi. 0.99
00:38:39.000 Like, if you ever go get sushi, eat a lot of it, the rice pushes everything out of your ass. 0.99
00:38:44.000 And you had plans to go get a weed store. 0.99
00:38:46.000 You want to go to the post office.
00:38:47.000 But I made a detour.
00:38:48.000 I planned to go home, but I left the house key in the house.
00:38:51.000 So I had to climb around the window.
00:38:53.000 That's what happened.
00:38:54.000 So when I pulled myself up, I actually landed with my stomach on the window.
00:39:00.000 Which made it push it out more. 0.99
00:39:03.000 And I'm fatter than fuck, and my hands are struggling in the window, and my little fat feet are on the other side, and the cats are meowing at me, scratching at me, right? 1.00
00:39:12.000 And I'm like, it's me, you fuck! 1.00
00:39:15.000 So I ran out, ran down the stairs and shit outside. 1.00
00:39:20.000 The best was the night I took a shit in Fabian's backyard after a five-hour drive from Colton or some weird town. 0.99
00:39:27.000 Did he not talk to you after that for a while? 0.92
00:39:28.000 Yeah, for a while. 0.99
00:39:29.000 I took a shit and then he ran over it with his car and the whole backyard smelled like sewage waste. 0.99
00:39:35.000 I go over to the next day. 0.99
00:39:36.000 He goes, it smells back here.
00:39:39.000 Let's talk in the house.
00:39:40.000 He goes, I don't know what happened. 1.00
00:39:42.000 And you can see the brown shit. 0.99
00:39:43.000 He smushed it with this tire. 0.99
00:39:46.000 And a bunch of flies.
00:39:51.000 He didn't talk to me for a month after that. 1.00
00:39:53.000 He tasted shit in somebody's backyard. 0.99
00:39:56.000 How did he find out it was you? 1.00
00:39:58.000 Because I told him the truth.
00:39:59.000 I felt bad.
00:40:00.000 I lied to God.
00:40:03.000 That's hard to clean up, too.
00:40:05.000 Wow. 1.00
00:40:06.000 Yeah, shit. 1.00
00:40:06.000 You can clean up dog shit. 1.00
00:40:07.000 It doesn't even make you gag. 1.00
00:40:08.000 But human shit? 1.00
00:40:09.000 But bum shit? 1.00
00:40:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:40:10.000 If you had to clean up some wino shit, if you had to use one of those scrapers? 1.00
00:40:13.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:40:13.000 It smells so much stronger, man. 0.99
00:40:15.000 We're gross. 0.76
00:40:16.000 It's so much more gross. 0.94
00:40:17.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:40:17.000 When you take a shit, it's okay. 1.00
00:40:19.000 It's until you cut it in half. 1.00
00:40:20.000 Right. 1.00
00:40:20.000 You ever cut a shit in half? 1.00
00:40:21.000 No. 1.00
00:40:21.000 When that fucking... 1.00
00:40:23.000 When that Reese's peanut butter fume leaks out. 1.00
00:40:27.000 Oh my God.
00:40:28.000 He's like, I've done studies.
00:40:30.000 No, no, no.
00:40:30.000 When you go to jail, it's hysterical.
00:40:33.000 When you go to prison, you have to shit like in a tube by people watching TV. Like when you go to county jail, you shit right there. 1.00
00:40:42.000 So black guys will be laying there watching TV with their feet up. 1.00
00:40:46.000 And all of a sudden they smell a little shit and they're like, put some water in that hole, motherfucker! 1.00
00:40:50.000 Like they'll just yell it from the other side of the fucking prison. 1.00
00:40:54.000 Because that means you took a shit and you're sitting there. 1.00
00:40:56.000 And the shit's permanent. 1.00
00:40:58.000 So in prison, as soon as you shit, you got to put water on it. 1.00
00:41:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:41:02.000 But there's some bathrooms that only give you 20 ounces of water a day. 0.99
00:41:06.000 So whatever time you flush, it's got to be a good flush.
00:41:10.000 You follow me? 1.00
00:41:10.000 So if you take a piss, sometimes the piss has to stay there until the next day until you take a good, good shit. 1.00
00:41:17.000 But when you take a shit in jail, bro, that's what they'll tell you. 1.00
00:41:19.000 Put some water. 1.00
00:41:20.000 Put some hole in that motherfucking hole, dog. 1.00
00:41:22.000 I can smell that shit right now. 1.00
00:41:24.000 I'm trying to watch Oprah. 1.00
00:41:27.000 But that's what smells. 0.97
00:41:28.000 Once the hole sucks, it's like when you go to Vegas. 0.98
00:41:31.000 They have that sucking action. 1.00
00:41:32.000 Well, if you take a shit this big that's 34 inches, once that sucking thing, it breaks. 1.00
00:41:37.000 It looks like two new chugs. 1.00
00:41:39.000 Once that breaks, it's over.
00:41:41.000 And they put the bathroom right by the door, the front entrance.
00:41:44.000 You can't have nobody come over.
00:41:46.000 That's why I always go downstairs. 0.97
00:41:48.000 Yeah, I don't shit in my bathroom in the hotel no more, because it kills the whole room for two hours. 0.99
00:41:52.000 We worked at the House of Blues in Vegas, and Joey left an onshore shit. 1.00
00:41:58.000 You know what an onshore shit is? 1.00
00:42:00.000 What? 1.00
00:42:00.000 He was so fat at the time that he couldn't sit down in the regular toilet. 1.00
00:42:05.000 You were like...
00:42:06.000 What were you like?
00:42:07.000 400, 415. Fuck! 1.00
00:42:08.000 He was giant. 1.00
00:42:09.000 He was giant. 1.00
00:42:09.000 So when he would take a shit, he would have to balance himself mostly on the very edge of the front because his ass was so big, he didn't shit in the water. 1.00
00:42:21.000 He shit on the deck. 1.00
00:42:22.000 No. 0.99
00:42:23.000 Oh, dude.
00:42:23.000 So it would be sticking up.
00:42:25.000 Oh, sticking up. 0.99
00:42:26.000 You ain't never seen a shit like that before. 0.99
00:42:28.000 So you couldn't sit in the toilet? 0.99
00:42:30.000 I would sit in the toilet, but I don't like my...
00:42:31.000 It was on the edge.
00:42:33.000 It wasn't that I was fat. 1.00
00:42:34.000 I don't like my dick inside the toilet. 1.00
00:42:36.000 Somebody's going to suck your dick and all of a sudden they're stuck in the toilet. 1.00
00:42:39.000 I tell my wife, I don't even let my wife pee in public. 1.00
00:42:42.000 Because I want to eat her monkey. 1.00
00:42:43.000 I don't want that monkey touching the other fucking thing. 1.00
00:42:45.000 So when I shit in the public bathroom, I hold my balls. 1.00
00:42:49.000 And I shit towards the edge. 1.00
00:42:50.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:42:51.000 It's somebody else's bathroom. 1.00
00:42:53.000 Why not just hold your balls and sit where you are? 1.00
00:42:57.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:42:57.000 Why do you gotta move forward? 1.00
00:42:58.000 Because if I'm back there, I got crabs one time.
00:43:01.000 And if they're sitting on the toilet, they'll jump from that toilet inward like they're jumping over a mountain.
00:43:06.000 I always thought that people saying they got crabs in the toilet is an excuse.
00:43:10.000 Well, sometimes you could get crabs from anywhere, but why take a chance?
00:43:13.000 But I thought you could only get it from hair.
00:43:13.000 They only cling to hairs.
00:43:14.000 I don't think they will stay on an actual toilet.
00:43:17.000 I think you're probably definitely right.
00:43:18.000 Yeah, I would feel like that's one of those things like, how'd you do craps? 0.99
00:43:21.000 I took a shit at the gas station that had to be it. 0.99
00:43:24.000 That's what I always figured it was. 1.00
00:43:26.000 No, so I always hold my nuts and shit. 1.00
00:43:28.000 When I shit, it was long and Red Band put ketchup on it. 0.99
00:43:33.000 Remember Red Band went in there and put ketchup on it and potato chips? 0.99
00:43:36.000 Unfortunately, I think that was a different time.
00:43:38.000 Okay.
00:43:39.000 This has not happened just once. 0.99
00:43:41.000 This is a different shit, yeah. 0.99
00:43:41.000 It's been many, many times. 0.99
00:43:42.000 So this thing's just like sticking out of the water?
00:43:43.000 So you go in there, there's a smell. 1.00
00:43:45.000 You know how when you take an epic shit, it's an above-water shit, it comes out like the fucking Big Island of Hawaii. 1.00
00:43:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:43:53.000 Just rises through the water.
00:43:54.000 Yeah.
00:43:55.000 Like, I've done that many times, because I eat too much.
00:43:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:43:58.000 And I'll take these shits that are just like so big. 0.99
00:44:01.000 They're preposterous. 1.00
00:44:02.000 But there's a totally different smell to those shits. 1.00
00:44:05.000 Because you're smelling raw shit outside of the water. 1.00
00:44:08.000 Right. 0.99
00:44:08.000 I mean, it's gone through the water. 0.99
00:44:10.000 Yeah.
00:44:11.000 And it's poking into the...
00:44:12.000 It's strong.
00:44:13.000 What is it about that that makes you happy?
00:44:17.000 What is it about that horrible smell?
00:44:19.000 You're like, oh, this is a good one right here.
00:44:21.000 It doesn't come around that often either. 0.99
00:44:23.000 No, like above water shit? 0.98
00:44:24.000 Yeah, man, it's like a comet. 0.99
00:44:26.000 You're just like, this doesn't happen all the time.
00:44:28.000 It's always diarrhea, too.
00:44:29.000 It's never like a super thick log.
00:44:33.000 It's weird when the second wave is diarrhea. 0.99
00:44:35.000 Like when you take a night, you're like, good shit, and you're proud of yourself. 0.99
00:44:39.000 And then you're like, I think I got a little more in there. 1.00
00:44:40.000 And it's just a fucking... 0.99
00:44:42.000 You know what that's from? 0.99
00:44:43.000 What?
00:44:43.000 Healthy eating.
00:44:44.000 Healthy eating? 1.00
00:44:45.000 Yeah, if you eat some MCT oil or some coconut oil or some shit. 0.99
00:44:48.000 Why does it do that to you? 0.99
00:44:49.000 It lubes up your pipes.
00:44:50.000 Oh.
00:44:51.000 Yeah, because where I moved to now, I have the office, the back office, and it's connected to a bathroom.
00:44:55.000 It's got a door.
00:44:57.000 So I don't live with stink no more.
00:44:58.000 I open the door in the morning.
00:45:00.000 You don't live with stink no more?
00:45:00.000 I got a backyard.
00:45:02.000 I shit. 1.00
00:45:02.000 I smoke the bowl while I'm shitting. 1.00
00:45:03.000 You don't shit in the backyard anymore. 1.00
00:45:04.000 No, no, no. 0.99
00:45:05.000 But my door goes face instead of the backyard.
00:45:08.000 I have my own bathroom in the bedroom.
00:45:10.000 That's nice. 1.00
00:45:12.000 Yeah, don't put a woman through one of your shits. 1.00
00:45:14.000 No, I got a shower back there. 1.00
00:45:16.000 Yeah, leave her alone. 1.00
00:45:17.000 I open the back door. 1.00
00:45:18.000 Fuck the fart fans. 1.00
00:45:19.000 I just open the back door. 1.00
00:45:21.000 There's a school behind there, kids playing. 0.99
00:45:23.000 I'm shitting, smoking dope. 1.00
00:45:25.000 I don't give a Frenchman's fuck, and it don't smell in there no more. 1.00
00:45:28.000 I light a candle. 1.00
00:45:29.000 That's beautiful.
00:45:30.000 Beautiful.
00:45:30.000 That's what you need, is a bathroom.
00:45:33.000 With a door that faces outside.
00:45:35.000 The worst is when you go over a girl's house, and you go to use her bathroom, and you smell matches.
00:45:39.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:45:40.000 Like, oh no, she was lighting this motherfucker up. 0.99
00:45:43.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:45:44.000 And then it just makes you think.
00:45:45.000 That's all you're thinking about.
00:45:46.000 She's like burning off fumes, methane. 1.00
00:45:48.000 Her stinky butt hole, yeah. 1.00
00:45:50.000 Her stinky butt hole. 1.00
00:45:51.000 She's panicking about her methane fumes. 1.00
00:45:52.000 You ever get to a girl's place, and then you feel the gurgles, and you're like, I've got to rip one. 0.98
00:45:57.000 Ooh, that's not good.
00:45:57.000 Not good.
00:45:57.000 Not good.
00:45:58.000 I've had that before.
00:45:59.000 I was dating a girl once and she had ferocious diarrhea. 1.00
00:46:03.000 Ferocious.
00:46:05.000 Regularly?
00:46:05.000 No, no, no.
00:46:06.000 One time.
00:46:07.000 So she went to the bathroom and she just turned on the shower and she turns on both things on the sink. 0.91
00:46:14.000 Whoa.
00:46:14.000 Yeah.
00:46:15.000 Try to drown it out. 1.00
00:46:17.000 I'm like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99
00:46:19.000 I was very young at the time. 0.99
00:46:20.000 I didn't understand.
00:46:21.000 I was super confused. 0.99
00:46:22.000 What the fuck is going on in there? 0.98
00:46:24.000 I had once in college where I was at this girl's place and she was just like, okay, it's game on. 1.00
00:46:30.000 Go for it.
00:46:31.000 I was like, I have to take... 1.00
00:46:32.000 I could feel that it was a diarrhea shit, like an explosive diarrhea shit. 0.99
00:46:36.000 And I also realized there was no way to do it. 0.99
00:46:38.000 That it would just be a black toilet when I was done.
00:46:41.000 And that there's no way I could cover.
00:46:43.000 So you know what I did?
00:46:44.000 I went back to my place.
00:46:45.000 I was like, I'll see you some other time. 1.00
00:46:49.000 And the next day, her friends were like, you're like the fucking... 0.99
00:46:51.000 They gave me credit that I was a good guy. 0.99
00:46:55.000 They were like, you're awesome. 0.99
00:46:56.000 And I was like, no, I had to take a crazy shit. 1.00
00:46:58.000 You know why girls do that? 1.00
00:47:00.000 Because they're not getting fucked, and they don't want their friend to get fucked. 0.99
00:47:02.000 And so they use reverse psychology on you. 0.99
00:47:04.000 You're an amazing guy.
00:47:05.000 I got an amazing guy credit.
00:47:06.000 I hope you wait forever.
00:47:08.000 That's so cool that you left.
00:47:10.000 Not even when you get married.
00:47:11.000 Tell her when you get married.
00:47:12.000 We love her so much. 0.97
00:47:14.000 You tell her you're going to have sex after you're married.
00:47:16.000 Never.
00:47:16.000 Because it's not about that.
00:47:17.000 Right.
00:47:18.000 It's about real love.
00:47:19.000 Yeah.
00:47:19.000 Like twilight love.
00:47:20.000 If I had had bowels that were intact, it would have been a different story that night.
00:47:24.000 Bowels?
00:47:25.000 Bowels.
00:47:26.000 Oh, bowels.
00:47:27.000 Yeah.
00:47:27.000 Yeah, there's a time when you know that it's...
00:47:29.000 And the sensitivity of your inner asshole region is amazing. 1.00
00:47:34.000 It is. 1.00
00:47:34.000 It knows. 1.00
00:47:35.000 Especially when you go to seep out a fart.
00:47:37.000 Right?
00:47:37.000 When you're about to cut a fart, and then all of a sudden alarms start going off, and you're like, oh no!
00:47:42.000 Oh yeah.
00:47:42.000 Oh no!
00:47:43.000 And you got a clamp shut, and you're like, oh Jesus, what is this?
00:47:46.000 We were having this debate yesterday about why are they sometimes hot?
00:47:49.000 Like, why is it hot?
00:47:51.000 And then why do you know that hot's gonna smell bad?
00:47:53.000 Spicy food, bro.
00:47:55.000 But is that what it is solely?
00:47:56.000 I would imagine.
00:47:58.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:47:59.000 I remember I was telling you guys that one time my freshman year I didn't take a shit for a week and a half. 0.93
00:48:03.000 I was addicted to steak and American cheese and a ride of french fries. 0.99
00:48:08.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:48:09.000 Listen to me.
00:48:10.000 How long is that?
00:48:11.000 Ten days?
00:48:11.000 That's a long time, man.
00:48:13.000 When I was a freshman, I played freshman ball and we were playing Patterson Eastside.
00:48:18.000 That's just a jungle of a school.
00:48:20.000 Like, you gotta be careful when you go in there.
00:48:24.000 And we went there to play the Christmas tournament.
00:48:28.000 What kind of ball are we talking right now?
00:48:30.000 Basketball. 0.99
00:48:30.000 And I hadn't taken a shit for like 10 days. 0.99
00:48:32.000 I was backed up something. 0.99
00:48:34.000 I took acid, something fucked my stomach up.
00:48:36.000 I didn't tell nobody.
00:48:37.000 In those days, I was really scared of doctors. 0.99
00:48:39.000 I wouldn't say shit to nobody. 0.99
00:48:41.000 On the way home, we got on the bus. 0.98
00:48:45.000 And while we were waiting there, my stomach started hurting. 0.98
00:48:49.000 And I said, Jesus Christ, I don't know if I'm going to shit myself or fart, but let me just take a chance. 0.98
00:48:55.000 And I blew this fart, Joe Rogan. 0.98
00:48:58.000 That was so bad.
00:49:00.000 Right?
00:49:01.000 We were on a bus and people started running.
00:49:03.000 You know the school buses?
00:49:04.000 People started running to the windows, right?
00:49:06.000 To swing down the bus windows.
00:49:09.000 But here's where it gets better.
00:49:10.000 I farted again.
00:49:12.000 And the teachers were going, oh my god, he's changing flavors.
00:49:15.000 But the words...
00:49:17.000 He's changing flavors!
00:49:18.000 But the worst thing was, the cheerleaders were crying.
00:49:22.000 That's how bad it smelled.
00:49:23.000 They were sitting in front of the bus going...
00:49:26.000 Wait a minute.
00:49:27.000 He's changing flavors!
00:49:29.000 One of the teachers yelled out, oh my god, he's changing flavors.
00:49:33.000 That's how bad these farts were.
00:49:35.000 That's your next t-shirt.
00:49:37.000 Oh my god, he's changing flavors.
00:49:39.000 The whole bus stunk.
00:49:40.000 I'll never forget looking at the cheerleaders and they were like... 0.58
00:49:43.000 Oh my god, we've never smelt nothing like this before. 0.99
00:49:46.000 It was fucking god awful. 0.98
00:49:48.000 I wrote a blog about one of Joey's farts once. 0.99
00:49:50.000 Is that on a plane?
00:49:51.000 Yes.
00:49:52.000 I think I read that.
00:49:52.000 It's called Happy Pills.
00:49:54.000 And it was, I was thinking about, I was looking at this ad.
00:49:57.000 Here, take this.
00:49:58.000 I was looking at this ad for antidepressants.
00:50:01.000 Oh my god. 1.00
00:50:02.000 You know, it's some girl dancing around a field of wheat and shit. 1.00
00:50:04.000 You know those ads. 0.99
00:50:06.000 Yeah.
00:50:07.000 Yeah, I'm good.
00:50:07.000 I was just thinking about what depresses people and how crazy pills are.
00:50:13.000 Oh, it's still up there.
00:50:14.000 You can still find it.
00:50:16.000 Anyway, at the end of this, like me, both of us are barbecued. 0.99
00:50:22.000 I don't know what the fuck. 0.99
00:50:23.000 What do we eat? 1.00
00:50:23.000 Edibles? 1.00
00:50:24.000 Some sort of edibles?
00:50:24.000 It was in the beginning.
00:50:26.000 Lollipops.
00:50:26.000 Way in the beginning.
00:50:28.000 We were crucified.
00:50:29.000 Rogan was asleep.
00:50:31.000 Yeah.
00:50:31.000 He was going in and out, but he wrote on the blog, and I don't even have to look at it to remember, that the fart was strong.
00:50:37.000 He's lucky I farted because it was a lot better than the Antonio Banderas movie he was watching.
00:50:43.000 Something to do with an Antonio Banderas movie.
00:50:46.000 I don't remember what it was, but I do remember the lady behind you.
00:50:50.000 I will never forget hearing her over the earphones.
00:50:53.000 Yeah.
00:50:54.000 I hear...
00:50:55.000 Oh my god!
00:50:59.000 There it is!
00:51:01.000 Over the pounding sound in my iPod, I hear a woman in the row behind us cry out. 0.50
00:51:06.000 Oh my god!
00:51:08.000 I look over at Joey and he smiles. 1.00
00:51:10.000 There's your fucking happy pill right there. 0.99
00:51:12.000 You're right, Antonio Banderas, it says right there. 1.00
00:51:14.000 Told you.
00:51:14.000 Oh, what was it?
00:51:15.000 My iPod movie.
00:51:17.000 Oh yeah.
00:51:17.000 Teaching underprivileged youth how to salsa.
00:51:19.000 Oh, that's what I was watching.
00:51:21.000 I was watching a terrible movie.
00:51:22.000 Terrible.
00:51:23.000 We both were.
00:51:24.000 And Joey farted the fart of all farts.
00:51:26.000 Oh, man.
00:51:27.000 Do you remember, by the way?
00:51:28.000 Where it pushed you off the seat?
00:51:29.000 You ever have those farts on the plane where you actually feel your leg?
00:51:32.000 It's like you're in one of those chairs.
00:51:34.000 When you're in a plane and it's going to go down, what's the button you push to throw you off the plane?
00:51:39.000 Oh, the ejector seat?
00:51:40.000 Oh, yeah.
00:51:40.000 That's what it was.
00:51:41.000 It, like, ejected me a little bit.
00:51:42.000 He digs his seatbelt into your waist.
00:51:44.000 Oh, my God.
00:51:45.000 It was terrible.
00:51:46.000 But another time I fought, I used to take the number one bus from Jersey City to North Bergen to the high school.
00:51:52.000 And we were on the bus one morning, kids, and there was a guy reading a paper.
00:51:57.000 I could live to be 100 and never forget this.
00:52:00.000 Reading the Daily News and he had a connector of drool from his lift to the Daily News and there was a puddle.
00:52:08.000 He was on heroin.
00:52:10.000 They would go to Jersey City in those days and get methadone.
00:52:13.000 So they would take the bus up north with us.
00:52:14.000 So I'm sitting there. 0.99
00:52:15.000 He's passed the fuck out. 0.99
00:52:17.000 And the drool is connected to the daily news. 0.99
00:52:20.000 And there's got to be just six inches of puddle.
00:52:22.000 This guy's been passed out for 20 minutes. 0.99
00:52:25.000 I point my ass at him. 0.99
00:52:29.000 I'm not sitting behind him. 1.00
00:52:30.000 I'm sitting across from him.
00:52:32.000 And I lift up my hips a little bit. 1.00
00:52:35.000 And I kept my asshole just pointing at him. 1.00
00:52:37.000 That even if it wasn't pointed at him, he would ricochet off the chair and go straight in through his mouth like one of those things. 1.00
00:52:44.000 He's sitting there, and I let a fart go out.
00:52:47.000 I could live to be 80. He lifted his eyes like this first, right?
00:52:52.000 Like he went like this first, like...
00:52:54.000 And he wiped his mouth. 0.99
00:52:56.000 And he's like, man, who the fuck farted? 0.99
00:53:02.000 And he... 1.00
00:53:04.000 He goes, it smelled like something went up somebody's ass and died. 0.99
00:53:08.000 And me and my little buddies were like, what, the seventh grade? 0.99
00:53:11.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:53:11.000 We're fucking giggling our asses up. 0.99
00:53:14.000 He's like, I should beat the fuck out of whoever farted on this motherfucker. 1.00
00:53:17.000 Oh my gosh. 1.00
00:53:18.000 Oh my gosh.
00:53:20.000 Jesus, man.
00:53:23.000 Fantastic.
00:53:23.000 Jesus Christ.
00:53:25.000 Oh, man.
00:53:32.000 This is why I hate people.
00:53:34.000 This is why I hate when I read posts.
00:53:37.000 This is the reason why I hate when I read posts.
00:53:41.000 From people going, are you sick and tired of blue comedy?
00:53:45.000 Well, come down to the Stanford feed there on Friday night and listen to intelligent Comedy.
00:53:51.000 They call it thought-provoking comedy.
00:53:54.000 And then I think about how many times I'm 54 years old and at night I got a sleep apnea machine on. 0.99
00:54:00.000 And there's a little needle in the sleep apnea machine because the hose punches air into your fucking mouth. 0.98
00:54:05.000 So there's an escape valve that's the size of a needle. 0.99
00:54:09.000 Do you know how many nights I will sit there and be half asleep and I'll need the fart? 0.99
00:54:14.000 And I'll wake up just to fart to see if I can smell the fucking fart come through that hole. 1.00
00:54:20.000 Do you? 1.00
00:54:20.000 Yes! 1.00
00:54:21.000 If it comes through the hole, it's a tremendous fart.
00:54:24.000 I just wake up my wife.
00:54:25.000 Like, I go, honey, you gotta inhale it.
00:54:27.000 Like, it's that good.
00:54:28.000 I'm 54 years old.
00:54:30.000 That always makes me laugh, Tom Segura.
00:54:33.000 That's why when people say to me, you know, like, I love thought-provoking comedy.
00:54:37.000 Dog, if it makes you laugh, it's comedy.
00:54:40.000 Yes.
00:54:41.000 It's comedy. 1.00
00:54:42.000 Stop with the fucking trying to restart. 1.00
00:54:44.000 Do you know that you almost hospitalized me one time from laughing so hard? 0.99
00:54:47.000 Like, I don't know if you remember this.
00:54:49.000 I'm serious.
00:54:50.000 I don't even know if I could tell it.
00:54:52.000 It was backstage.
00:54:56.000 It was backstage at his show.
00:54:58.000 We were somewhere, and you were like, how's the wife?
00:55:03.000 I go, good!
00:55:04.000 And I go, you go, where is she?
00:55:07.000 And I said, I said some city in Tennessee.
00:55:10.000 Maybe Knoxville?
00:55:11.000 Or Nashville?
00:55:12.000 And you go, Nashville, 96. And you started this story about working a club, and you're like, I just riffed in between shows, some crazy shit. 1.00
00:55:23.000 Some chick who was talking, there was eight people, there was 20 people for the first show, Knoxville. 0.91
00:55:28.000 It was a Comedy Zone show, I half booked it. 0.99
00:55:31.000 Knoxville's a great little fucking town. 0.99
00:55:33.000 Like a cute little Tennessee town. 1.00
00:55:35.000 Is it?
00:55:35.000 It's like hip.
00:55:36.000 It's a football, you know, like a college town.
00:55:38.000 So I get there on Friday night, Joe Rogan.
00:55:40.000 I'm headlining.
00:55:41.000 I got 38 minutes.
00:55:43.000 I just moved to L.A., and I signed with creative management, and they booked those rooms.
00:55:49.000 So they were booking me out as a headliner.
00:55:51.000 I was just dying slow to death.
00:55:53.000 So what they did was they put me in one-nighters that paid like $2.75 a night.
00:55:57.000 They weren't bad.
00:55:58.000 Clark, Tennessee, you know.
00:56:00.000 And we go to this Knoxville for two nights, and I go in there, and you know me, dog. 0.99
00:56:03.000 I'm fucking crazy. 0.96
00:56:05.000 First night I go in there, Friday night, there's 20 people for the first show. 0.99
00:56:09.000 And there's a girl, Joe Rogan, that's a 12. With a guy that's a 4. Okay?
00:56:16.000 And it's her birthday.
00:56:17.000 Meanwhile through, she just turned 21, it's her birthday.
00:56:21.000 Okay.
00:56:22.000 Hi, happy birthday.
00:56:23.000 What's going on here?
00:56:24.000 You know, because once you start hearing noise, you have to react to it as a comic.
00:56:27.000 And you go, what's going on here?
00:56:29.000 You're 21. I said, you're very beautiful.
00:56:31.000 And then she just went and ran with it and started talking about how her husband pimps her out. 1.00
00:56:36.000 He would have fights on, and for 20 bucks, you could fuck her in the back room. 1.00
00:56:40.000 20? 1.00
00:56:41.000 The fights were on.
00:56:42.000 Whatever.
00:56:42.000 I don't know.
00:56:43.000 That on Fridays, he would bring her to the construction truck.
00:56:47.000 He would bring a truck with her to the construction site and put a mattress in the back.
00:56:52.000 And at lunchtime, he would let her friends...
00:56:55.000 And she's telling me this.
00:56:56.000 It's like she's talking and people are like...
00:56:59.000 Like, just holding their breaths.
00:57:01.000 Like, what is going on here? 0.98
00:57:03.000 This girl is beautiful and this retard is just pimping at me. 1.00
00:57:08.000 So in between shows, I go upstairs to do a line or smoke a joint or whatever the fuck I'm doing. 0.99
00:57:13.000 When I come back, I see her. 0.99
00:57:15.000 By herself.
00:57:16.000 And we start talking.
00:57:17.000 What's going on?
00:57:18.000 Oh my God, I had such a great time.
00:57:20.000 I go, is that stuff true?
00:57:22.000 And she goes, yeah.
00:57:23.000 I go, show me the monkey.
00:57:24.000 And she took me in the woman's bathroom, pulled down her pants. 1.00
00:57:27.000 The girl had a monkey that was spotless. 1.00
00:57:29.000 It nearly stunk.
00:57:31.000 I ate it.
00:57:31.000 I fingered it or something.
00:57:33.000 And then she sucked my dick. 1.00
00:57:34.000 That was it. 1.00
00:57:35.000 I went back to my room.
00:57:36.000 I didn't think nothing of it.
00:57:37.000 I'm like, Jesus Christ, I scored.
00:57:39.000 I go back for the second show, there's eight people, but by the time I go back for the second show, Joe Rogan, she's sitting in the back, she's 21, and she's looking at me like this. 1.00
00:57:49.000 She's fucked up. 1.00
00:57:52.000 And ten minutes into my spot, because I was headlining, she starts going, I sucked the comedian's dick tonight. 1.00
00:57:58.000 And the husband's like, what are you talking about? 1.00
00:57:59.000 And she's like, I sucked his dick, and he came in my mouth. 1.00
00:58:02.000 He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
00:58:04.000 The cops had to hold him back, and he's like, I want my $40. 0.99
00:58:08.000 That's all he wanted. 1.00
00:58:11.000 He didn't care that his wife sucked my dick at this comedy bathroom. 1.00
00:58:14.000 When the cops came, he kept saying, man, somebody's gonna get hurt if I don't have my $40. 1.00
00:58:19.000 That's a $40 blowjob. 1.00
00:58:21.000 Did you come in her mouth? 1.00
00:58:22.000 Because if I wouldn't have come, it would have been like $20.
00:58:25.000 All he cared about was the $40, dog.
00:58:29.000 So he told me that backstage at your show. 0.99
00:58:32.000 And I fucking started hyperventilating. 0.99
00:58:35.000 $40 for his wife. 0.99
00:58:40.000 This is the world of comedy, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00
00:58:43.000 This is the world of crazy fucking comedy. 1.00
00:58:45.000 Jesus. 1.00
00:58:49.000 You think that's crazy? 1.00
00:58:53.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:58:54.000 She's crying. 1.00
00:58:55.000 Some of the husband will hug his wife and said, you know, no, he didn't care. 0.99
00:59:00.000 He just wanted the $40 for the blowjob. 0.99
00:59:02.000 I didn't give it to him. 0.98
00:59:03.000 He's got rules.
00:59:04.000 Yeah, he's got to give him that.
00:59:07.000 He's got like a line in the sand. 1.00
00:59:10.000 This is crazy shit. 1.00
00:59:11.000 Comedy is a fucking crazy animal. 1.00
00:59:14.000 When you sit at home at night and you think about all the shit we've seen, we've learned a lot. 1.00
00:59:18.000 I don't think I ever laughed as hard. 0.98
00:59:20.000 Well, that's probably the second time right there.
00:59:21.000 On that road, we've learned a lot of things.
00:59:24.000 You learn a lot of things about human beings.
00:59:25.000 You learn a lot of things about individuals.
00:59:28.000 I remember I did American Home.
00:59:31.000 It's a Armed Forces place in Idaho.
00:59:35.000 It's part of the triple run.
00:59:37.000 And as soon as I walked in and I had to go meet, do a sound check, everybody kept looking at me going, Hi, how are you?
00:59:43.000 Have you met Sandy yet?
00:59:45.000 And I go, no.
00:59:45.000 And they go, and then walk away.
00:59:49.000 You ever see, what's the movie with Eddie Murphy?
00:59:51.000 When he, with Boomerang.
00:59:53.000 Yeah. 0.55
00:59:53.000 When he goes to the black chick's house, it's 80. And the butler keeps laughing. 0.55
00:59:57.000 Remember the butler would go, she wants to see you in the kitchen. 0.99
01:00:00.000 He would go, because she knew she was going to rape him. 1.00
01:00:04.000 So every time somebody would refer to Shirley, they'd go, have you met Shirley yet? 0.81
01:00:08.000 And you'd go, no.
01:00:10.000 And they'd go, oh.
01:00:11.000 And they'd walk away.
01:00:12.000 Well, Shirley, whoever the captain of that base was, the head of the base, she was his wife.
01:00:19.000 And if a band came to town or a comedian came to town, she blew. 0.71
01:00:25.000 That's it.
01:00:25.000 That was the rule.
01:00:28.000 And he would sit out there with his fucking military arm, with all his shit, and clap. 1.00
01:00:32.000 And she'd be in the back, Zucca La Mink, to the whole band. 1.00
01:00:36.000 I mean, this is crazy.
01:00:38.000 So I didn't know about this.
01:00:39.000 She came over and started talking to me.
01:00:41.000 And then she started talking, oh, you're Cuban?
01:00:43.000 I dated a Cuban one time. 1.00
01:00:44.000 He's such a big dick. 1.00
01:00:45.000 You have a big dick? 1.00
01:00:46.000 I mean, it was that quick. 1.00
01:00:47.000 It was that quick.
01:00:48.000 Like, she just gets to it.
01:00:50.000 She's like 50. I was maybe like 31. She was maybe 50. And she just dropped behind the curtain, took the hammer out.
01:00:58.000 I'm sitting there minding my own business, and all of a sudden somebody comes yelling for her, Shirley!
01:01:03.000 Shirley! 0.97
01:01:04.000 Shirley! 1.00
01:01:04.000 Now, usually Shirley would get up and stop sucking your dick. 1.00
01:01:08.000 Not Shirley. 1.00
01:01:09.000 She moved her knees like I had a knee on belly. 1.00
01:01:12.000 You know when somebody puts a knee on belly, you're supposed to move this way?
01:01:15.000 That's what she did with her knees. 1.00
01:01:16.000 She kept sucking and just kept moving this way. 1.00
01:01:19.000 I tried to take it out of her mouth. 0.63
01:01:21.000 She wouldn't let it.
01:01:21.000 She's like, no, no, no.
01:01:23.000 Bro, she wouldn't stop till, I mean, and they're like, Shirley, we're looking for you out here.
01:01:29.000 Man. 1.00
01:01:30.000 This is crazy shit. 1.00
01:01:32.000 I can't, I'm overstimulated. 1.00
01:01:33.000 I feel like I need, I feel like I need psychiatric treatment right now.
01:01:37.000 And an IV. Just finish that fucking drink, all right? 1.00
01:01:40.000 Oh my God. 1.00
01:01:41.000 Succa la mink is the greatest thing anyone's ever said.
01:01:44.000 That is the best word of all time.
01:01:46.000 Minka juice, succa la mink.
01:01:48.000 Succa la mink.
01:01:49.000 Succa la mink.
01:01:52.000 Well, it's minkia. 0.57
01:01:54.000 But when they say suca, they cut it short.
01:01:56.000 What is the word?
01:01:57.000 What does it mean? 1.00
01:01:58.000 Minkia means suck my dick. 1.00
01:02:00.000 Minkia in the dialect of Italian, suca means suck. 1.00
01:02:03.000 Right, okay. 0.98
01:02:04.000 You know, it's so weird how the more you go...
01:02:06.000 Is this Spanish?
01:02:06.000 This is Italian, Sicilian.
01:02:08.000 Really?
01:02:08.000 So the deeper you go down the boot, the more...
01:02:12.000 Is it closer to Spain?
01:02:13.000 Or is it farther from Spain?
01:02:15.000 The closer Italy is from Spain, when people from that area speak Italian, I don't care how fast they're talking, they can't put the wool over me, because I can pick up every four words.
01:02:26.000 Oh, right.
01:02:27.000 So Sicilians say suca. 0.92
01:02:29.000 What's suck in Spanish? 0.97
01:02:30.000 Chupa. 1.00
01:02:31.000 Chupa.
01:02:31.000 You're in the neighborhood?
01:02:33.000 Right.
01:02:33.000 Suca la mink.
01:02:35.000 When they say suca la minkia, like, you know, what are you going to do today?
01:02:39.000 I don't know.
01:02:39.000 I'm going to go out and get my minkia sock.
01:02:41.000 But suca la minkia is just a short version of this show.
01:02:46.000 Suca la minkia? 0.99
01:02:47.000 Sure.
01:02:48.000 And then you got minkia juice.
01:02:53.000 It comes at you however you want it.
01:02:56.000 Cheers.
01:02:58.000 Cheers.
01:03:00.000 When you hear those Latin languages... 0.94
01:03:03.000 Like, you hear Spanish, and you hear Italian.
01:03:06.000 Like, those languages seem, they're like a let's have fun language.
01:03:12.000 You know, everything has got a thing to it.
01:03:14.000 It's got a rhythm.
01:03:15.000 There's a way to talk.
01:03:16.000 It is fun, yeah.
01:03:17.000 It's fun to listen to.
01:03:18.000 When you hear them talk, yeah.
01:03:19.000 Especially not really knowing anything about what they're saying.
01:03:23.000 I could pick up like one out of a hundred words, maybe, right?
01:03:26.000 Yeah.
01:03:26.000 And so I hear them talking, and I'm like, well, which one was that?
01:03:29.000 So for me, it's almost just like hearing the rhythm.
01:03:33.000 Of them talking.
01:03:34.000 Yeah.
01:03:34.000 It's like a fun, sort of a smooth, relaxed sort of cocktail.
01:03:40.000 Buongiorno, signor professor.
01:03:42.000 Yeah.
01:03:43.000 I'll get you an espresso.
01:03:44.000 You know, they talk to you and it's very heartwarming.
01:03:46.000 All the gestures, too?
01:03:47.000 All the hand gestures?
01:03:49.000 Yeah.
01:03:49.000 You can always tell when a Latin person, like, across a room, just by their hand gestures, and they start, you know?
01:03:56.000 Grazie mille.
01:03:57.000 Grazie mille.
01:03:59.000 Like, just hearing that.
01:04:01.000 How long do you think it takes you for you just to get the...
01:04:05.000 Like, if you're in France for a week.
01:04:08.000 Yeah.
01:04:08.000 Like, it takes you three days just to get the...
01:04:11.000 Like, I'm not gonna learn French in three days.
01:04:13.000 But it must take you three days to get the jiv.
01:04:16.000 I wonder.
01:04:17.000 Like if they come up to you and ask you what you want from the menu, like after you go to nine restaurants.
01:04:25.000 Yeah, yeah, you're right.
01:04:25.000 You know, three days.
01:04:26.000 You get a little something, yeah.
01:04:27.000 Yeah, you get a little something.
01:04:28.000 Especially if you have like a Latin root, though, you know?
01:04:31.000 Like you're comfortable with it.
01:04:32.000 Does it ever bother you when you hear stories about Americans going to like Paris? 0.99
01:04:37.000 Like the the Parisians thinking the Americans were dicks the Americans like acting like assholes The people from Paris like what is that like how did that a whole rumor get started the loud American? 0.98
01:04:52.000 Yeah, I got that whole Like, U.S. versus Paris thing. 0.99
01:04:56.000 You remember when they wouldn't call things french fries?
01:04:59.000 They were calling them freedom fries?
01:05:00.000 That was Bush era, right?
01:05:02.000 Do you remember that?
01:05:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:05:03.000 These are freedom fries.
01:05:05.000 It's always like, the French. 1.00
01:05:07.000 There's always some weird right-wing punchline about the French.
01:05:13.000 How much interaction do you ever have?
01:05:15.000 I feel like it's inherited.
01:05:16.000 At this point, for me, it's inherited.
01:05:18.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
01:05:19.000 I think it's every country.
01:05:20.000 Remember that episode of Sopranos when I went to Italy?
01:05:22.000 Yeah.
01:05:23.000 Paulie asked the chef, can I get some red sauce?
01:05:26.000 He's like, I want red sauce.
01:05:28.000 Marinara.
01:05:29.000 And the guy looked at the other guy and he goes, if you think these Germans are classless, You know what I'm saying?
01:05:35.000 Like, look at this guy here.
01:05:37.000 Like, they all have...
01:05:38.000 Every country must have something towards...
01:05:41.000 I hear that we're hated across the world, but then a person like you or you traveling, you go, no, bro, people are very nice.
01:05:49.000 They are nice if you are nice, and I think that's universal.
01:05:53.000 People are nice if you're nice.
01:05:55.000 Yeah.
01:05:56.000 Pretty much.
01:05:57.000 People appreciate it.
01:05:58.000 Pretty much everywhere.
01:05:59.000 People are nice if you're nice.
01:06:01.000 And the way you are changes the way they are.
01:06:06.000 If you run into someone and maybe they're a little bit defensive, but you're openly friendly, a lot of times they'll relax that.
01:06:13.000 Whereas If you run into someone and they're sort of defensive and you're aggressive with them, then it ramps up and the whole thing becomes like some sort of a weird ego disaster.
01:06:26.000 Same person, different person interacting with them, saying the same words.
01:06:32.000 The whole thing about people and the way we talk to each other, there's no one person responsible For an argument.
01:06:42.000 Yeah, you know most of the time it comes from both sides And how you interact with people even if you feel like you did nothing wrong There's a lot of times like a big part of how the conversation started shaping itself People don't want it's everybody wants everything to be black or white,
01:06:59.000 right?
01:07:00.000 It's either like if you got an argument with the dude, it's his fault Or it's your fault.
01:07:04.000 But it could easily be both.
01:07:05.000 It could easily be, like, just a mismanaged situation. 0.97
01:07:10.000 You know, you might have been coming there because there might have been some fucking problem that they were supposed to fix on your car, and they didn't. 1.00
01:07:17.000 And, you know, you're in your car, headed to the comedy store, and you're like, this motherfucker! 1.00
01:07:22.000 And the light starts going on again, and you're like, goddammit! 0.99
01:07:24.000 And you get there, you're already a little bit ramped up.
01:07:26.000 And you run into someone, and then you're already coming at them at, like, a six.
01:07:32.000 And if you get an interaction with them about like, hey man, you think I can get in front of you?
01:07:36.000 I gotta go somewhere. 1.00
01:07:37.000 And you're like, fuck you, man. 1.00
01:07:38.000 Right? 1.00
01:07:39.000 That could happen.
01:07:40.000 Totally does.
01:07:41.000 You don't know.
01:07:42.000 That's why I've always, at 21 I learned a very important lesson in life.
01:07:48.000 You don't know what that guy's going through today.
01:07:50.000 No one does, right? 0.99
01:07:51.000 Before you give that nerdy guy the finger and cut him off, you don't know if his wife just left him, his kid just told him she was a lesbian. 0.99
01:08:03.000 As long as she's got a girlfriend. 1.00
01:08:04.000 He does have a fucking gun in his car. 1.00
01:08:07.000 You don't know what somebody's going through. 1.00
01:08:09.000 You have no idea what's on their mind coming up to you.
01:08:13.000 You know, one of the most genius things I ever heard was, That the great Carlo Gambino never answered his own door.
01:08:21.000 He always had his wife answer the door. 0.96
01:08:23.000 Because no matter how mad a mobster came over, no matter how, like he just got off the phone with this fucking guy and he won't give me 10 kilos, Carlo's gonna resume this. 0.97
01:08:35.000 No matter how mad I came into the house, his wife would stop you, make you sit down and give you an espresso and give you a biscotte and talk to you. 1.00
01:08:43.000 So by the time you got into Carlo, You were slowed down.
01:08:47.000 You could think.
01:08:48.000 He was very smart that way.
01:08:50.000 That's beautiful.
01:08:50.000 He did that on purpose.
01:08:52.000 His wife was like everybody's mom.
01:08:54.000 One of those ladies that you go, ah! 1.00
01:08:58.000 Hi, how are you?
01:08:59.000 Come in.
01:09:00.000 That's why it's not good for everybody if men get together for long periods of time.
01:09:05.000 I think that people should, anybody who's involved with customer service, should take some type of something to calm people down.
01:09:16.000 Like people who work at an airport. 0.99
01:09:18.000 You know, there's got to be a system how to slow somebody down.
01:09:23.000 That's a brilliant system.
01:09:25.000 Having a wife that's like a very nice person that sits you down.
01:09:29.000 Flows you down.
01:09:29.000 It's very calm.
01:09:30.000 Nurturing.
01:09:30.000 Talks to you.
01:09:31.000 And you realize like, listen, this is what's important, this kind of friendship here.
01:09:34.000 Like half of the issues that people get into, it's a perspective issue.
01:09:39.000 Right. 0.99
01:09:39.000 It's like, especially if you're like a mobster and you think someone's fucking you over and you're like, oh, you know, where's my fucking money? 0.99
01:09:45.000 And you sit down. 0.99
01:09:46.000 Like, come on.
01:09:48.000 Perspective issue.
01:09:48.000 Yeah.
01:09:49.000 It's most of what it is.
01:09:51.000 Like, how are you looking at your relationship? 0.99
01:09:53.000 Are you trying to fuck this person over? 0.99
01:09:54.000 Are you trying to work together in harmony? 1.00
01:09:56.000 Yeah.
01:09:56.000 If you're just trying to work together in harmony, how better to work out?
01:09:59.000 We all travel.
01:10:00.000 We ever have a bad travel day, and we get to a hotel, and we're fucking furious, but that little lady at the counter made us laugh and forget all about what just happened.
01:10:11.000 True.
01:10:12.000 And she'll even do something that'll change your whole outlook for the day.
01:10:18.000 Like, she'll go, oh, by the way, I know you were delayed. 1.00
01:10:21.000 We told the kitchen to save you spaghetti and meatballs, and you're like, you bad motherfucker, you. 1.00
01:10:26.000 Wow. 1.00
01:10:28.000 I like when that happens.
01:10:30.000 I love when I'm furious and I walk into a hotel and somebody slows me down and talks to me.
01:10:37.000 It's really cool when people have that.
01:10:39.000 That's a gift, by the way.
01:10:41.000 To actually slow somebody down and be able to touch them and go, hey man, it's going to be fine.
01:10:45.000 Come here, let me take it. 0.99
01:10:47.000 If you have a business, you have a customer service representative, someone who meets people at the door, that person has an amazing personality, that shit is worth a lot of money. 0.99
01:10:57.000 It's worth a lot of money. 0.99
01:10:58.000 You can't coach it.
01:10:59.000 You can't train it.
01:10:59.000 Whether it's a guy or a girl.
01:11:02.000 I've met them on both sides.
01:11:04.000 You meet people that work in a certain place where you look forward to going back to that place to saying hi to that guy.
01:11:11.000 That guy's just super cool.
01:11:12.000 You're like, what's up?
01:11:13.000 What's up, man?
01:11:14.000 And like, you've made like a legitimate friendship with this person.
01:11:17.000 And that's possible too, you know?
01:11:20.000 This idea that we all have to be constantly at odds with each other.
01:11:23.000 And I think even like security people, like when I see...
01:11:27.000 When I'm in a restaurant or a bar or a sporting event and I see a security guy dissolve a situation without throwing a punch, especially when a person is drunk.
01:11:38.000 Oh, a good one.
01:11:39.000 Especially when a person is drunk.
01:11:41.000 Listen, I can talk to you when you're sober.
01:11:42.000 Once you've got four cocktails on you, I'm going to talk to you once and my patience level is done. 0.99
01:11:47.000 It's fucking done! 0.99
01:11:49.000 But there's some people who stay calm and they go, we know, man. 1.00
01:11:52.000 Let's just take a walk over here and talk about it and you fall for it.
01:11:57.000 Next thing you know, you're out.
01:11:58.000 No matter if your girlfriend's with some other guy, they come rushing into a bar.
01:12:03.000 There's people who are tremendous at that.
01:12:06.000 That's a great gift. 1.00
01:12:07.000 You know who can do that shit? 1.00
01:12:09.000 Big John McCarthy. 1.00
01:12:11.000 Big John McCarthy is the best at separating shit. 1.00
01:12:14.000 When shit goes sideways in the octagon. 1.00
01:12:16.000 Isn't he an ex-police officer? 1.00
01:12:18.000 Fuck yeah, he is. 1.00
01:12:19.000 And he's a giant. 1.00
01:12:20.000 Yeah, he's a giant.
01:12:21.000 I mean, he's a big dude.
01:12:22.000 He's a black belt in jujitsu. 0.99
01:12:24.000 And when shit gets weird inside the octagon, the cop in him comes out. 1.00
01:12:28.000 If there's some chaos, some crazy shit, he puts a fucking halt to that. 1.00
01:12:35.000 No more. 1.00
01:12:36.000 Yeah.
01:12:36.000 Those guys are important, man.
01:12:38.000 It's important to have people like that.
01:12:41.000 No, that is a skill, though.
01:12:42.000 It is.
01:12:42.000 It's a giant skill.
01:12:43.000 And also be a good guy, which he also is.
01:12:46.000 Right.
01:12:47.000 Like Big John McCarthy's a hell of a human.
01:12:50.000 By the way, formally, congrats on a thousand, man.
01:12:53.000 Thanks.
01:12:53.000 That's really awesome.
01:12:54.000 Listen.
01:12:55.000 Amazing.
01:12:56.000 Thanks to you guys. 1.00
01:12:56.000 Getting this fucking party started. 1.00
01:12:57.000 Thanks to you guys. 0.99
01:13:00.000 It's really incredible, man.
01:13:03.000 It's probably more, right?
01:13:05.000 I think it's like 1043 or something.
01:13:07.000 Probably.
01:13:09.000 There's a bunch of other named ones, Fight Companions, Fight Breakdowns.
01:13:13.000 I would never ever dream when you started doing these.
01:13:18.000 Me neither.
01:13:18.000 That they would have the impact that they have.
01:13:20.000 Yeah, let's just keep that shit known, void. 0.99
01:13:24.000 I just remember you, like, fucking saying, like, people want to hear this. 1.00
01:13:28.000 I remember him calling me up to the room and me yelling at Joe one night, calling, are you fucking crazy? 1.00
01:13:33.000 The fuck is home on a Friday night, 13-year-old. 1.00
01:13:36.000 Let's take that shit off! 1.00
01:13:37.000 Take that shit off while I'm smoking pot! 1.00
01:13:40.000 We were in the green room at the punchline. 1.00
01:13:42.000 No, no.
01:13:43.000 Cobbs.
01:13:44.000 No, this was somewhere else.
01:13:46.000 This was years later.
01:13:46.000 Wait, this is doing a podcast?
01:13:48.000 Me, him, and Redman.
01:13:49.000 One of the first podcasts we did was off this thing called Justin.TV. Yeah.
01:13:54.000 Justin.TV. And we did them in green rooms.
01:13:57.000 And we did them back when there were cellular modems.
01:14:00.000 So you'd be streaming.
01:14:02.000 There wasn't a lot of Wi-Fi back then.
01:14:04.000 So we'd be streaming from a cell phone hookup.
01:14:07.000 It was terrible.
01:14:09.000 Real pixelated stuff. 0.51
01:14:11.000 But we were like, this could be fucking weird.
01:14:13.000 Have people watch us get ready in the green room, talking to the camera. 0.77
01:14:18.000 This could be bizarre.
01:14:19.000 So we decided to do a few of those. 0.99
01:14:22.000 But Joey was like, get this fucking thing away from me. 0.98
01:14:25.000 But that was a different Joey Diaz back then. 0.99
01:14:28.000 You were still uncomfortable.
01:14:31.000 It was funny, but that was the thing that set you free.
01:14:34.000 That was the thing that let people know who you are. 0.95
01:14:36.000 At the beginning, when he was like, hey, weren't you also like, what the fuck are you doing right now? 0.97
01:14:39.000 No, no, no. 0.97
01:14:40.000 I was like, are you like a bird-caller kind of guy?
01:14:43.000 I thought it was one of those weird things that people do.
01:14:47.000 A bird-caller?
01:14:48.000 What are you talking about, man?
01:14:51.000 He was very into it.
01:14:53.000 I noticed it.
01:14:54.000 He would be on there at night, and I just didn't like it.
01:14:57.000 I didn't know.
01:14:58.000 But then Dane Cook...
01:15:00.000 Became a megastar with MySpace.
01:15:02.000 Everybody and their mother went on MySpace.
01:15:04.000 That was before me.
01:15:05.000 But they were not doing what Dane was doing.
01:15:08.000 They just thought by going on MySpace and going, I got free tickets tonight, that that was going to work.
01:15:13.000 Dane Cook was communicating with them.
01:15:15.000 And people would see the communication and go, wow.
01:15:18.000 We can have live interaction.
01:15:20.000 But Dane was doing that way before me.
01:15:22.000 He was doing that on MySpace in like 2002 or something like that, right?
01:15:26.000 Wasn't it?
01:15:27.000 Pretty early on, yeah.
01:15:28.000 But about in 2003, we'll check the lineup.
01:15:31.000 We'll check the old calendars.
01:15:33.000 We did the 4th of July weekend in Irvine.
01:15:37.000 And I'll never forget that I said to you, do you have radio?
01:15:40.000 And you go, I have no radio.
01:15:42.000 I'm a little panicked.
01:15:43.000 And that Thursday when we got down there, the whole weekend was sold out. 0.99
01:15:47.000 And that's when I said, Joe Rogan's onto something with that fucking computer. 1.00
01:15:53.000 Like, fuck this shit. 1.00
01:15:54.000 Because my philosophy was, do you think Richard Pryor would go home at four in the morning, coked up, and get on fucking Facebook? 1.00
01:16:00.000 That was my thing at that time. 0.99
01:16:03.000 Do you really fucking think that fucking Richard Pryor is going to go home and get on MySpace? 0.99
01:16:09.000 So I was opposed to it. 0.99
01:16:11.000 But once I saw five sold-out shows in Irvine, the old Irvine, When it was known that if you didn't do radio, nobody's going to show up there those days.
01:16:20.000 Right, right.
01:16:20.000 That was it.
01:16:21.000 That was it to me.
01:16:22.000 That was what made me a believer that there's something there.
01:16:26.000 Yeah.
01:16:27.000 It's amazing the range of people that come up to me about your show.
01:16:33.000 You know?
01:16:34.000 Like, all types of... 1.00
01:16:37.000 Like fucking pilots, fighter. 0.99
01:16:41.000 I've had like amateur fighters, professional fighters. 0.99
01:16:45.000 The range of people that are interested in your show.
01:16:47.000 You know what I mean?
01:16:48.000 It's a really wide range of people.
01:16:50.000 It's fascinating.
01:16:51.000 Like it's really reached a lot of people, man.
01:16:54.000 You're freaking me out, man.
01:16:55.000 Why?
01:16:55.000 I was in Burbank the other day, okay?
01:16:58.000 To get a haircut.
01:17:00.000 A week ago.
01:17:01.000 Alright?
01:17:02.000 You know me, dawg.
01:17:03.000 I went to jujitsu and had a half hour to kill.
01:17:06.000 So before the haircut, I just smoked a joint. 0.99
01:17:09.000 I was in my car on Magnolia Boulevard up the block from Porto's, which is fucking packed. 0.97
01:17:15.000 And I opened up the sunroof and I just started smoking a joint before the haircut. 0.97
01:17:20.000 And I put a piece of gum in my mouth and I actually walked to the crosswalk to walk across the street. 0.99
01:17:25.000 And there was a lady holding a kid with another one in her thing and she looked at me and when she looked at me I go, fuck, this lady smells me. 1.00
01:17:35.000 You know, when you don't have a child, you don't give a fuck about reefer. 0.99
01:17:39.000 But when you have a child and you see a mom with a child, you feel kind of fucking... 0.99
01:17:44.000 I'm sorry, ma'am. 0.96
01:17:45.000 I didn't say nothing to her.
01:17:46.000 She looked at me and she goes, oh my God. 1.00
01:17:49.000 With the kid in her thing and with the stroller, she looked at me and she goes, blue cheese with your, fuck your mother. 1.00
01:17:56.000 I loved it. 1.00
01:17:57.000 I'm from Buffalo.
01:17:58.000 I looked at her and she just kept walking.
01:18:01.000 But it was like the type of woman that wouldn't say that to me. 0.97
01:18:05.000 With the kid and the pusher. 1.00
01:18:07.000 She goes, blue cheese with wings and go, fuck your mother. 1.00
01:18:09.000 I love you. 1.00
01:18:10.000 And she just kept walking.
01:18:11.000 I'm like, oh my God.
01:18:13.000 Amazing, man.
01:18:15.000 What about the time we went to Sacramento and families with kids? 0.99
01:18:19.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.95
01:18:21.000 But the realm of the people and why they come up to you. 0.99
01:18:24.000 And TSA, don't forget about TSA. TSA, but the realm of people and the reasons why.
01:18:30.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:18:30.000 That's what's always killed me.
01:18:32.000 I've been around for 20 years and what made you come to my show is I told this shit about... 1.00
01:18:39.000 I told the story about taking the shit in somebody's backyard. 1.00
01:18:41.000 I loved it. 0.99
01:18:43.000 We laughed like, you know, and you're like, oh my God.
01:18:45.000 Yeah.
01:18:46.000 That's what, you know, when somebody comes up to me, it's always they came to a show for something different I said on here.
01:18:52.000 Yeah.
01:18:54.000 You know, that's really weird.
01:18:56.000 It's amazing.
01:18:56.000 And like you said, the contrast.
01:19:00.000 It's not just a six-foot guy.
01:19:01.000 No, it's everything.
01:19:02.000 Steroid guy.
01:19:03.000 It's a mom with a baby and a stroller.
01:19:06.000 I was saying, I have people that so want me to give you things.
01:19:11.000 It's so annoying.
01:19:13.000 Because they always start with trying to flatter me. 0.95
01:19:18.000 They're like, dude, I think you're fucking hilarious. 0.93
01:19:21.000 I go, thanks, man. 1.00
01:19:22.000 I love your shit. 1.00
01:19:23.000 I listen to it on the way to work every day. 1.00
01:19:26.000 And I'm like, oh, thanks a lot.
01:19:27.000 And they're like, yeah, man, it's so funny.
01:19:29.000 I love this bit and that bit.
01:19:31.000 And I'll be like, it's very nice of you, man.
01:19:32.000 Thank you very much.
01:19:33.000 And I listen to your podcast. 0.92
01:19:35.000 And I fucking love it. 0.98
01:19:36.000 It's so fucking funny. 0.96
01:19:38.000 I'm like, thank you. 0.94
01:19:39.000 And then they're like, hey, would you give this to Joe?
01:19:42.000 That's their whole thing.
01:19:44.000 I'm like, did you think because you told me all those compliments, I'm gonna be your messenger?
01:19:48.000 And they'll be like, no, I mean, just like if you could give it to him.
01:19:52.000 Okay, sure.
01:19:53.000 I get this request every other week. 0.99
01:19:57.000 What kind of weird shit? 1.00
01:19:59.000 It's always fucking packages and envelopes. 1.00
01:20:01.000 Yeah, I don't open them, man. 0.99
01:20:03.000 Good.
01:20:03.000 Yeah.
01:20:04.000 No.
01:20:04.000 They go right in the trash.
01:20:06.000 I tell him to send them directly to you.
01:20:10.000 Don't even tell him to do that.
01:20:12.000 He gave me two cups.
01:20:13.000 I gave one to Alberto and I gave the other one to you.
01:20:16.000 This is a highly ineffective way to communicate with people. 1.00
01:20:19.000 Just sending them shit. 1.00
01:20:21.000 You know, people think that I want to have shit in my car. 1.00
01:20:24.000 Like, hey, give this to Tom. 1.00
01:20:26.000 Like, I'm gonna have this in my fucking car. 0.99
01:20:28.000 Bro, I got the newest, latest bong. 0.99
01:20:29.000 It's totally different than any other bong. 0.97
01:20:32.000 First of all, you can drop it out of an airplane.
01:20:33.000 It will not break.
01:20:34.000 It's military grade.
01:20:36.000 Bro, this is the bong.
01:20:37.000 The bong to end all bongs. 0.96
01:20:39.000 The catastrophe, apocalypto.
01:20:41.000 You've had this pitch.
01:20:42.000 End of the world bong, yeah.
01:20:43.000 For sure. 1.00
01:20:43.000 Bro, this bong is made out of the same shit that Wolverine's claws are made out of... 1.00
01:20:50.000 There's a closet in my office that I slide open. 1.00
01:20:53.000 And I cannot tell you, I must have 300 black t-shirts from different bands and shit. 0.93
01:21:01.000 I got every, I mean look at me, I got every protein powder And fuel and energy thing that you could give me. 0.90
01:21:10.000 People come to shows and give me, I got more gis than most jujitsu schools.
01:21:17.000 That's how many gis are given to me and mailed to me.
01:21:20.000 I have to mail them back. 1.00
01:21:22.000 My wife says if I see one more fucking gis, I will throw that shit out. 1.00
01:21:28.000 It's just amazing. 1.00
01:21:30.000 Albums?
01:21:31.000 Because people know I like vinyl. 1.00
01:21:33.000 I come home with vinyl every fucking week. 0.99
01:21:36.000 Really? 1.00
01:21:37.000 Some of it is fucking atrocious. 0.99
01:21:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:21:40.000 But some of it is fantastic.
01:21:41.000 I listen to everything.
01:21:42.000 You do. 1.00
01:21:43.000 Do you have a hard time chucking out old shit? 1.00
01:21:46.000 I feel bad for people. 1.00
01:21:48.000 I understand that they've worked for it.
01:21:50.000 And I understand that they went out of their way for it.
01:21:54.000 But if I haven't seen Duncan in six months, and I got a Buddhist candle...
01:22:00.000 It goes in the garbage. 1.00
01:22:01.000 Like, once Duncan moved to New York, I threw all Duncan's shit in the garbage. 0.99
01:22:05.000 I only saved mushrooms and MDMA for Ari. 0.99
01:22:09.000 People come up to me and give me heavy drugs for Ari. 1.00
01:22:12.000 Like, give this to Ari. 0.90
01:22:14.000 I will bring him back on the plane for Ari because he's my brother.
01:22:17.000 You know, what they come and get, some guy about a month ago gave me a book about stars.
01:22:25.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:22:26.000 But when I looked, he was the author.
01:22:27.000 That gets tossed.
01:22:29.000 If dead are you off it, that gets tossed.
01:22:31.000 Remember when that guy gave me that book and I showed it to you, like How to Be a Real Man?
01:22:35.000 And he wrote it?
01:22:36.000 One of his rules was B40. How to Be a Real Man?
01:22:42.000 He was just like, the dumbest... 1.00
01:22:44.000 We went over it on your podcast, right? 1.00
01:22:45.000 Yes, we did, man.
01:22:47.000 And that guy...
01:22:47.000 For a long time.
01:22:48.000 He gave that to like a bunch of us.
01:22:50.000 We arrived in Hong Kong and he was like, here's this book I wrote.
01:22:53.000 And then we look at it and it's him on the cover and it's all glossy and he's in it.
01:22:57.000 He's like looking off to the side.
01:22:59.000 That was when I first did your podcast.
01:23:01.000 Yeah, I think you're right.
01:23:02.000 That was the first time I did it.
01:23:03.000 Yeah.
01:23:03.000 How many years ago was that?
01:23:05.000 That was probably...
01:23:07.000 Well, we started at seven years ago, but that was probably five years ago.
01:23:10.000 God!
01:23:11.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:23:12.000 I do get a lot of neat shit, though. 0.94
01:23:14.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97
01:23:15.000 I do get a lot of neat shit. 0.99
01:23:16.000 I saw that pipe that you have at the studio. 0.99
01:23:20.000 Who made that thing?
01:23:21.000 A kid in Cleveland. 0.99
01:23:22.000 Goddamn, that thing is good. 0.98
01:23:24.000 I get great books sent to me. 0.98
01:23:27.000 I mean, phenomenal money books.
01:23:30.000 I'm reading one right now that is the creepiest thing.
01:23:33.000 The Three Lives of Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin. 1.00
01:23:37.000 That motherfucker traveled with a 14-year-old girl, bro. 1.00
01:23:40.000 Never got charged with statutory rape. 1.00
01:23:43.000 Really?
01:23:43.000 Just traveled with her for a year.
01:23:45.000 Jesus.
01:23:45.000 She was just a runaway on the tour.
01:23:49.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00
01:23:50.000 Is that true? 1.00
01:23:52.000 You know, I'm talking about his house and fucking where he lived. 0.99
01:23:57.000 He bought it from Alex. 0.98
01:23:58.000 It was Alex DeCrowley's old house.
01:24:00.000 A 24-carat warlock. 1.00
01:24:03.000 He was like the fucking devil and shit. 1.00
01:24:05.000 He lived in his house. 1.00
01:24:07.000 And you know, for some people, it was like a way to sell records.
01:24:10.000 Not for those four.
01:24:12.000 Those four were onto something magical.
01:24:15.000 You know, they were magical.
01:24:16.000 Nine albums.
01:24:17.000 But this book, kind of like, I gotta put it down for two days at a time sometimes.
01:24:21.000 Really? 1.00
01:24:22.000 Yeah, he's a fucking nut. 1.00
01:24:23.000 That's what it's called. 1.00
01:24:24.000 The three lives.
01:24:25.000 Look at it.
01:24:26.000 The ten wildest Led Zeppelin legends. 1.00
01:24:28.000 Guys, read this shit. 1.00
01:24:30.000 Scroll this shit down, Joe Rogan. 1.00
01:24:32.000 He dated a fucking year old girl. 1.00
01:24:34.000 That's fucking crazy, man. 1.00
01:24:35.000 The truth, Maddox was amazing just 14 when she met Paige, though Paige did what he could to keep the relationship hidden. 0.99
01:24:42.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:24:43.000 That's true.
01:24:45.000 That's crazy.
01:24:46.000 Wow!
01:24:49.000 That's weird. 0.69
01:24:50.000 He was crazy. 1.00
01:24:52.000 When they shoved a little, what they shoved an octopus, a baby shark up a chick's pussy. 1.00
01:24:58.000 That's so weird, man. 1.00
01:24:59.000 You could do that back then, right? 0.99
01:25:04.000 Like, you could do weird shit back then. 0.99
01:25:06.000 Yeah. 0.95
01:25:07.000 It makes you stop and think.
01:25:08.000 Like, what that is is, like, just the beginning of the information age, right?
01:25:14.000 Newspapers regularly distributed, television shows on the news.
01:25:18.000 All that stuff was only, like, a few decades old when the 60s and the 70s rolled around.
01:25:24.000 I mean, you really think about the timeline there.
01:25:26.000 It's really kind of fascinating.
01:25:27.000 Do you ever think about the jump in technology from, like, You know how it cites that there's no Us Weekly there, right?
01:25:36.000 So things kind of advance, and now everything's monitored.
01:25:39.000 And now, for instance, you can record a phone call, right?
01:25:43.000 Which would be a difficult thing to do back then.
01:25:45.000 Or you can have a recorder running on you.
01:25:48.000 Do you ever think about how...
01:25:50.000 that lack you know the privacy goes away and how to to some degree we can't even conceive of it right now but how easy it will be to record everything at some point like how it'll you know we joke like it's in your watch or it's in your glasses but it will be like yeah you'll walk out of every conversation and there will be some some form to document it yeah it'd be a total loss There's gonna be there's gonna be some changes.
01:26:19.000 I don't necessarily agree I'm not convinced I should say not agree.
01:26:24.000 I'm not convinced they're gonna be bad to do that Yeah, I just I wonder like what what what's gained through this kind of privacy now I'm not not talking about like privacy like corporations or the government being able to look into your life I'm talking about We might get to a position as human beings within our lifetime where everybody looks into everything about everybody.
01:26:46.000 Everything.
01:26:48.000 Finances, your day-to-day life, sexually, seeing you everywhere you go, no matter what you do.
01:26:58.000 We could get to a position where there's no disconnection from any of us, where we're all connected to each other.
01:27:05.000 If this keeps going the way it goes, right?
01:27:08.000 So it used to be everybody lived far apart, and you had to ride a horse to get to the friend, say hi, and talk to him, and hopefully he's still alive when he came back the next day.
01:27:17.000 But there was no communication.
01:27:19.000 Then it got to phone calls.
01:27:22.000 As things have ramped up, and now it's in your phone, and now your phone's in your watch, and now your watch can tell you who's calling you, and you can look at your phone and see the person. 0.99
01:27:33.000 Star Trek-type shit. 0.98
01:27:34.000 Already happening, right? 1.00
01:27:36.000 Yeah.
01:27:36.000 And it's going to get deeper and deeper and deeper.
01:27:39.000 People are streaming, live streaming, live streaming Facebook, no matter what they do all day.
01:27:45.000 There's a slew of people playing video games, live streaming.
01:27:49.000 People are tuning in, watching other people play video games.
01:27:52.000 I mean, we're getting like deeper and deeper into this technological rabbit hole where it becomes embedded in your life in a way that was unimaginable before it was introduced.
01:28:01.000 Same thing as cell phones.
01:28:02.000 Before cell phones were introduced, who would have ever believed if you told them that you were going to get to a point in human history where it is totally common to see people staring at electronic screens while they're all sitting together at a dinner table?
01:28:19.000 That there could be five people sitting around, and they're not even talking to each other.
01:28:22.000 They're just staring at this electronic screen, and that screen is compelling.
01:28:26.000 You know it.
01:28:27.000 I know it.
01:28:27.000 I get drawn to it.
01:28:29.000 You get drawn to it.
01:28:30.000 Who knows, man?
01:28:30.000 Might be some crazy news.
01:28:32.000 Let me check Google real quick.
01:28:33.000 You never know. 0.92
01:28:34.000 You never know what weird shit has been happening in the world, and you get sucked into this. 0.75
01:28:39.000 This thing is becoming a part of your life in a weird way that nobody anticipated. 0.84
01:28:43.000 If it keeps going in the direction that it's going, it's going to get weirder in a way we never anticipated before.
01:28:50.000 Where it's not going to be just as simple as put your phone down and go outside.
01:28:53.000 It's going to be your phone's a part of you.
01:28:55.000 It's going to happen.
01:28:57.000 Your phone's almost a part of you now. 0.99
01:28:58.000 If you have to have it, like, I am connected to this goddamn thing more than I touch my dog. 0.99
01:29:04.000 Right? 0.99
01:29:05.000 Totally.
01:29:05.000 I love my dog, but I touch that thing more than I touch my dog.
01:29:09.000 It's weird.
01:29:10.000 You want to pretend it's not a part of me, man.
01:29:12.000 I can just put it right there.
01:29:13.000 As long as it's right there.
01:29:14.000 As long as it's right there.
01:29:15.000 Don't go anywhere.
01:29:16.000 I got you right here.
01:29:17.000 That's basically a part of me.
01:29:19.000 It's basically a part of me.
01:29:21.000 How long before I let them open me up?
01:29:23.000 Maybe there's a spot in my armpit.
01:29:24.000 I don't even use this little spot.
01:29:25.000 There's a great short about that.
01:29:27.000 There's a great short film about that.
01:29:28.000 Is there?
01:29:28.000 Yes.
01:29:29.000 What's it called?
01:29:29.000 I don't remember the name of it, but it ends up under the guy's skin.
01:29:34.000 What's gonna happen?
01:29:35.000 I do.
01:29:36.000 I wish I knew that. 1.00
01:29:37.000 Stay away from this fucking thing. 1.00
01:29:39.000 I charge in a different room at night. 1.00
01:29:42.000 You know, the iPad I bought to write, no fucking Facebook, Twitter, or nothing. 1.00
01:29:48.000 That's good shit. 1.00
01:29:48.000 You write on an iPad? 1.00
01:29:50.000 I bought an iPad Pro.
01:29:51.000 Do you have like one of those little keyboard things you connect to it?
01:29:54.000 I bought the keyboard with the case.
01:29:55.000 You like that?
01:29:55.000 Bro, it's changed my life.
01:29:57.000 I used to have three hours of just shit time a day that it's not enough to work out. 0.65
01:30:03.000 So what do you write in notes? 0.92
01:30:04.000 You use a notes program? 1.00
01:30:06.000 Yeah, I just write in fucking notes. 0.99
01:30:08.000 And if I don't like the joke that night, I go back and add the tag. 0.99
01:30:12.000 Really?
01:30:12.000 You know what's real good?
01:30:13.000 Have you ever tried Evernote?
01:30:14.000 No.
01:30:15.000 Evernote is real good.
01:30:16.000 It allows you to use pictures, all kinds of different things.
01:30:18.000 Isn't it black out everything else?
01:30:20.000 No, no, that's a different thing.
01:30:21.000 That's Write Room.
01:30:23.000 But Evernote, if you write things, like the things you want to remember, maybe before sets, you can write them down in Evernote and then sync them from your iPad to your phone and back and forth.
01:30:36.000 It's really good.
01:30:37.000 It's one that I use.
01:30:38.000 I just got this iPad Pro three weeks ago and it's changed my life.
01:30:42.000 Yeah.
01:30:43.000 That's it.
01:30:43.000 Changed my life.
01:30:44.000 I could give a fuck about Twitter, Facebook, nothing. 0.99
01:30:47.000 When I go to that coffee shop to write, it's just that program. 0.99
01:30:51.000 I have everything else in there, but I haven't even programmed.
01:30:54.000 I have the apps in there.
01:30:56.000 I got my fitness plan in there.
01:30:58.000 I got BJJ training journal in there.
01:31:00.000 And that's it.
01:31:02.000 You know what I think about the internet, man?
01:31:04.000 I think about the internet like I think about foods that are sweet.
01:31:07.000 Like, you can have them as long as you don't have too much.
01:31:10.000 Too much.
01:31:11.000 It's too much.
01:31:11.000 Don't get crazy.
01:31:13.000 That's how I feel about even going online.
01:31:15.000 I think we're getting to this weird point where we're just relinquishing our consciousness to this machine.
01:31:23.000 Relinquishing our consciousness to this connection that we all enjoy.
01:31:27.000 It's not our consciousness.
01:31:29.000 It's the consciousness we're all sharing about a certain topic.
01:31:32.000 We all have to interject on what we think about Charlotteville, or about Trump, or stuff like that. 0.98
01:31:38.000 There's days you get on Facebook and Twitter, and you're fucking sad. 0.97
01:31:42.000 You get sad. 0.96
01:31:43.000 Like, you get sad for people.
01:31:44.000 Okay?
01:31:45.000 I make it a habit, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, there's no reason to be on the internet.
01:31:48.000 You stay away from it?
01:31:50.000 There's no reason.
01:31:51.000 The shows are sold out.
01:31:53.000 Your family's at home.
01:31:55.000 What are you going to go in there and tell them?
01:31:58.000 This is my cheeseburger?
01:32:00.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:32:01.000 I give a fuck. 1.00
01:32:02.000 So on the weekends, I don't touch it. 1.00
01:32:04.000 I force myself.
01:32:06.000 Don't touch it.
01:32:07.000 For what?
01:32:07.000 You have to have a life, man.
01:32:09.000 Yeah.
01:32:09.000 We are forgetting that there's a life.
01:32:12.000 You ever go to a park and look at these fucking parents looking at their phones? 0.99
01:32:17.000 You go to a park with your kid, don't you? 1.00
01:32:19.000 Yeah.
01:32:19.000 I don't take my phone out of the car at the park.
01:32:22.000 There's no...
01:32:23.000 Who's gonna call you?
01:32:23.000 Your manager?
01:32:24.000 What are they gonna tell you?
01:32:25.000 What are they gonna tell you?
01:32:26.000 They change the spot at the store from 10.15 to 10.30.
01:32:30.000 If you're with your kid and your wife, you don't need your phone. 0.77
01:32:33.000 You really don't.
01:32:35.000 Joey, you gotta get into floating, man.
01:32:37.000 How come you don't float? 1.00
01:32:38.000 Because I smoke pot and I think of this shit on my own. 0.99
01:32:41.000 Yeah, but it's different. 1.00
01:32:42.000 That's why.
01:32:43.000 It's not what you think it is.
01:32:44.000 I get anxieties.
01:32:45.000 Yeah, but I know you'll be fine.
01:32:47.000 Becky works at the place in Pasadena.
01:32:50.000 Uh-huh.
01:32:51.000 And we've been talking a lot about it.
01:32:53.000 I'm really scared about these little dabs of anxiety that I get from time to time.
01:32:57.000 You'll be fine.
01:32:58.000 Listen, it's good for your health.
01:33:00.000 No, I know it's good for my health, but when I go give blood, no problem.
01:33:05.000 Wait, does weed make you more anxious or less anxious?
01:33:08.000 It smoothens it out.
01:33:09.000 When it comes to certain things, I have to see a window.
01:33:14.000 Like, it's really weird that right now there's not a window in here. 0.99
01:33:17.000 But I see that fucking door. 0.91
01:33:19.000 Like when I walk up the steps at the original room and I get anxiety when a comic's on stage, it could be an open mic when I'm next and I start getting this shortness of breath, I have to turn around and look down the stairs at the Comedy Store just by me knowing that I could get out. 1.00
01:33:36.000 If shit goes down, I'm okay. 0.99
01:33:39.000 Mmm. 1.00
01:33:40.000 So I don't think a fucking tub's got windows, a floating tank. 0.99
01:33:43.000 They seal that thing over your head. 0.99
01:33:45.000 No, they don't seal it.
01:33:46.000 It's just got a door.
01:33:46.000 So that's what I'm a little scared of.
01:33:48.000 It's really easy.
01:33:49.000 I'm not claustrophobic either.
01:33:50.000 I was in a cell. 0.99
01:33:52.000 None of that shit bothers me. 0.99
01:33:53.000 I just got to see a window. 0.99
01:33:54.000 Yeah.
01:33:55.000 Well, listen, it's real easy.
01:33:56.000 When you lie in it, it's right there.
01:33:58.000 You just lift your hand up and it's right there.
01:34:00.000 The door's right there.
01:34:01.000 No, we have to...
01:34:02.000 You stand up, you open the door.
01:34:03.000 It's all in your head.
01:34:04.000 You know, look what happened yesterday in Spain and Barcelona. 1.00
01:34:06.000 What a fucking shame. 0.99
01:34:07.000 You can't connect terrorist attacks to isolation attacks that quickly. 1.00
01:34:12.000 But let me ask you a question, Joe Rogan.
01:34:13.000 Let me ask you a question, my brother.
01:34:15.000 You're an intelligent individual.
01:34:18.000 You're an intelligent individual, Tom Segura. 0.96
01:34:20.000 Jamie, you're not a fucking Phi Beta Kappa, but you know what I mean. 0.95
01:34:24.000 Jamie might be the smartest guy in the room. 0.99
01:34:26.000 I know, I'm just teasing you.
01:34:27.000 Jamie, how many people were looking down when they got hit by that car yesterday?
01:34:33.000 Let's be honest.
01:34:34.000 65 people got hit.
01:34:37.000 People are wandering through the streets.
01:34:40.000 We have to start paying attention as Americans. 1.00
01:34:43.000 You cannot live in that fucking thing no more. 1.00
01:34:45.000 We cannot. 1.00
01:34:46.000 It's not smart.
01:34:48.000 It's not smart to be walking around staring at it. 1.00
01:34:50.000 All fucking day. 0.99
01:34:50.000 But sometimes you have to look at it. 0.99
01:34:52.000 All day.
01:34:54.000 Yeah, of course.
01:34:55.000 Sends you an address.
01:34:56.000 You're meeting people there.
01:34:57.000 Then there's times you catch yourself.
01:34:59.000 You're like, what am I doing right now?
01:35:00.000 What am I doing?
01:35:00.000 All three of us have children.
01:35:04.000 Do we want our children to grow up on a fucking computer? 0.99
01:35:07.000 Do we want them to have life experiences? 1.00
01:35:09.000 They're going to.
01:35:09.000 Both.
01:35:10.000 They're going to grow up on computers.
01:35:12.000 You're not going to avoid it.
01:35:13.000 No, I want them to grow up on computers, but I don't want that whole lifestyle to be on a computer.
01:35:18.000 I want them to go outside.
01:35:19.000 I want them to get dirty. 0.99
01:35:21.000 I want them to have life experiences.
01:35:23.000 Even if, you know, the only way you learn about life is sometimes by having something negative happening.
01:35:29.000 So true. 0.98
01:35:30.000 Then, these children that are on a computer until they're 18, then they send them away, and they fucking fracture. 0.98
01:35:36.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:35:36.000 They fracture. 0.99
01:35:37.000 It's a different time now for children, guys.
01:35:40.000 And we're parents.
01:35:41.000 It's a different time.
01:35:42.000 It's way different. 0.98
01:35:43.000 It's different in a way that I don't think anybody's ever seen before, so they don't know what the fuck to do. 0.99
01:35:47.000 They don't know what the fuck to do. 0.99
01:35:49.000 Tom's gotta pee. 0.99
01:35:50.000 Ha ha ha.
01:35:51.000 Look how slim he is.
01:35:52.000 He looks beautiful.
01:35:53.000 Beautiful.
01:35:54.000 Sexy frame. 0.52
01:35:54.000 I try to keep it as normal as I can. 0.52
01:35:57.000 I try to keep it as normal as I can. 0.99
01:36:00.000 I never want to forget who the fuck I am, Joe Rogan. 0.99
01:36:02.000 Well, you won't. 0.99
01:36:03.000 And I don't want to forget it for my children and my daughter.
01:36:06.000 You won't.
01:36:06.000 You know, I don't want them.
01:36:08.000 The other day, I was driving home, okay, and I saw a little girl selling lemonade with her mom on the corner.
01:36:14.000 It was 2,000 degrees in Studio City.
01:36:17.000 I pull up to my house.
01:36:19.000 I go inside.
01:36:19.000 I get my daughter and I get my wife.
01:36:23.000 Let's go buy some fucking lemonade from this kid. 1.00
01:36:26.000 My daughter's going to kindergarten next year at a school that's rated one of the highest schools, but it's a public school. 1.00
01:36:33.000 Birch kids go there.
01:36:34.000 A bunch of kids go there.
01:36:35.000 There's no reason to put your kid in these Notre Dames and all these $25,000.
01:36:39.000 They want $34,000 a year for kindergarten.
01:36:42.000 What?
01:36:43.000 Come on, Joe Rogan.
01:36:44.000 How is your child going to benefit?
01:36:47.000 Come on, we're all intelligent here.
01:36:49.000 That's a lot of money.
01:36:50.000 $34,000, Monarch, Notre Dame.
01:36:53.000 All those schools in the Valley, they want 30 Gs, 2G registration form to sign your kid in.
01:36:59.000 Really, Joe Rogan?
01:37:00.000 People want to keep their kids safe.
01:37:01.000 No, it's not safe. 0.99
01:37:03.000 It's so you can tell your friends that your kid's in fucking that school. 0.99
01:37:06.000 That's what 90% is. 0.99
01:37:08.000 Oh, no.
01:37:09.000 My kids attend, and you're like, oh, my God. 1.00
01:37:12.000 And your kid ends up to be a fucking dummy because he's in school with other rich people's fucking kids, and they're all fucking dummies, too, you know? 1.00
01:37:19.000 They're getting raised by fucking nannies. 1.00
01:37:22.000 I don't want that. 1.00
01:37:24.000 I go to the park, how many fucking white kids do you see with Mexican women? 1.00
01:37:28.000 Ain't that a fucking shame? 1.00
01:37:29.000 That all these Mexican women are adopting white kids? 1.00
01:37:32.000 That's fucked up! 1.00
01:37:33.000 That's why they didn't want Trump to build a wall, because they have to raise their own fucking kids. 1.00
01:37:38.000 That's fucked up! 1.00
01:37:40.000 That's fucked up! 1.00
01:37:41.000 That's why these white people didn't want Mexicans to go, especially in California. 1.00
01:37:45.000 Who's going to raise their fucking kids? 1.00
01:37:47.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00
01:37:48.000 Go to a swimming class.
01:37:49.000 I go to a swimming class Tuesdays and Thursdays with my daughter.
01:37:52.000 Jump in the front.
01:37:53.000 There's no white parents with their kids. 1.00
01:37:55.000 Their nannies are in the fucking YMCA with their kids. 1.00
01:37:59.000 When your kid grows up and he's, what's his name? 1.00
01:38:01.000 Michael Vanapelo?
01:38:02.000 Michael Yiannopoulos. 1.00
01:38:03.000 Yes, when he's one of those fucking motherfuckers. 1.00
01:38:05.000 Don't come crying to me. 1.00
01:38:07.000 Don't come crying to me.
01:38:08.000 And let me tell you something. 0.65
01:38:09.000 I sucked a pacifier till I was six. 0.99
01:38:12.000 I was raised to be a little cocksucker, but I snapped out of it somewhere. 0.99
01:38:16.000 Did you know that? 0.99
01:38:17.000 Yeah, he told me this.
01:38:18.000 When my father died, I was one of those little boys you see with their mom holding onto their leg.
01:38:23.000 Don't go! 1.00
01:38:24.000 I was one of those little fucking faggy kids. 1.00
01:38:26.000 Okay? 1.00
01:38:27.000 I sucked a pacifier till the age of six.
01:38:29.000 Oh my God.
01:38:30.000 Okay?
01:38:31.000 I had potential to be one thing. 1.00
01:38:33.000 One fucking thing. 0.99
01:38:35.000 You understand me? 1.00
01:38:36.000 But my mother would not allow that shit to happen. 1.00
01:38:39.000 Latin mothers don't play that shit. 1.00
01:38:41.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
01:38:42.000 Latin mothers do not allow that shit. 1.00
01:38:44.000 I couldn't wear scarves. 1.00
01:38:45.000 You know there's a lot to wear scarves.
01:38:46.000 You wanted to wear a scarf?
01:38:47.000 Like a Snoopy scarf?
01:38:48.000 Yeah.
01:38:49.000 Like I was going to go fly a plane scarf.
01:38:54.000 Or what's it like one of those Randy Couture scarves, which although I wouldn't wear, I think on him it's quite fetching.
01:39:00.000 No, no scarves, no.
01:39:02.000 You ever see the Randy Couture scarf?
01:39:03.000 No.
01:39:04.000 Yeah, Randy Couture will wear what I would call a tactical scarf.
01:39:08.000 Oh, like that.
01:39:08.000 See, that's the kind of scarf that a Navy SEAL would wear.
01:39:12.000 Yeah, PLO style.
01:39:13.000 Randy wears a bunch of those things. 1.00
01:39:14.000 But Randy's such a bad motherfucker, it's almost like he's begging you to try to choke him with that thing. 1.00
01:39:19.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00
01:39:19.000 Like, come try to grab that thing. 1.00
01:39:23.000 I'll just leave a handle laying around my neck.
01:39:26.000 That should be the name of that album right there.
01:39:28.000 That should be his album cover. 1.00
01:39:30.000 Come try to grab the scarf, bitch. 1.00
01:39:31.000 Come try to grab the scarf, bitch. 1.00
01:39:34.000 You know the thing about crazy? 1.00
01:39:36.000 He's such a nice guy.
01:39:37.000 Oh, Randy's a great guy.
01:39:38.000 He's such approachable.
01:39:38.000 Yeah.
01:39:39.000 He'll talk to you about anything.
01:39:40.000 You know what?
01:39:41.000 And his kid came to my show in Vegas and also has a gym there.
01:39:47.000 Coolest kid, man.
01:39:49.000 Him and his wife, I think both teach there, too.
01:39:52.000 Oh, wow.
01:39:52.000 Nice family, man.
01:39:54.000 His son is, yeah.
01:39:55.000 His son, I think he was fighting in the World Series of Fighting, which now has a new name.
01:40:02.000 But yeah, he fought for a bunch of different people, right?
01:40:04.000 Didn't he fight for Strikeforce?
01:40:06.000 I think he might have fought for Bellator.
01:40:09.000 Ryan Couture, talented fighter. 0.98
01:40:11.000 Hey, while we're at it, don't forget to remind you, has fucking Gino given you the CBD roll-on yet? 0.98
01:40:17.000 Yes. 0.98
01:40:18.000 What do you think?
01:40:19.000 It's amazing.
01:40:19.000 How does that even work?
01:40:21.000 Is that voodoo?
01:40:23.000 Squirt it like a cream? 0.98
01:40:25.000 You rub it on like spots that are sore? 1.00
01:40:26.000 No, my wife moves it on my fucking back. 1.00
01:40:28.000 Really? 1.00
01:40:29.000 Get out of the shower.
01:40:30.000 Done.
01:40:31.000 It gets in weird spots.
01:40:32.000 Yeah, done.
01:40:33.000 It must have some sort of anti-inflammatory properties or something like that.
01:40:37.000 Do you like that Thai liniment?
01:40:38.000 Anybody ever rub that stuff on you?
01:40:40.000 No, I've never known. 0.99
01:40:41.000 Like Thai's, like Thai boxers and shit. 1.00
01:40:43.000 You've got to realize they're always dealing with bones slamming into their legs. 1.00
01:40:48.000 They're all sore and shit. 0.99
01:40:49.000 And they rub this like Thai liniment. 0.99
01:40:52.000 It's weird.
01:40:53.000 It's weird, smelly stuff.
01:40:54.000 I don't think it heals them, man, but it makes sure it feels good.
01:40:58.000 What's the one the Chinese use? 1.00
01:41:00.000 Oh, that's a similar one, Tiger Balm, like that kind of shit? 0.98
01:41:03.000 No, they have another thing that's called something juice, and when I was a kid, I used to have the iron palm bag, and I would rub that on my hands and do the iron palm technique and shit with that. 0.98
01:41:12.000 It's called something that has a weird smell to it.
01:41:15.000 What does this stuff do? 0.99
01:41:16.000 When that stuff heats your skin up and you're like, oh god, like icy hot, that kind of shit. 0.98
01:41:22.000 What is that really doing? 0.99
01:41:23.000 I have no idea.
01:41:24.000 I think it's just tricking you into thinking.
01:41:25.000 You think so?
01:41:27.000 Yeah.
01:41:27.000 I don't think it really is.
01:41:28.000 Someone who's a friend of mine who's a doctor described it as a topical analgesic.
01:41:33.000 Meaning that it does something to the surface of your skin.
01:41:36.000 But maybe is it psychological that makes you feel like it's healing up?
01:41:39.000 Like when you have a muscle soreness or something like that?
01:41:43.000 Do you have a little bit of a wound?
01:41:45.000 A little injury?
01:41:46.000 There's a psychological aspect to that.
01:41:50.000 I feel like you think you're getting work done.
01:41:53.000 There's probably a psychological aspect to healing.
01:41:56.000 In general.
01:41:57.000 Yeah.
01:41:57.000 I don't think it's 100%, but I think you could sway it in a better direction.
01:42:02.000 Yeah.
01:42:03.000 You know?
01:42:03.000 I mean, that's got to be what the placebo effect is, right?
01:42:06.000 They tell you they're going to give you a pill.
01:42:08.000 And it's going to make you feel better.
01:42:10.000 And you're like, oh, this is it.
01:42:11.000 This is the thing.
01:42:11.000 They gave me the pill.
01:42:13.000 And you actually do feel better and even show signs of recovery immediately corresponding to you taking that pill.
01:42:20.000 Your brain has convinced yourself. 0.99
01:42:22.000 What about that dude you've had on the podcast whose brain is like a fucking healing serum? 1.00
01:42:28.000 Oh, Wim Hof. 0.99
01:42:29.000 Yeah, Wim Hof.
01:42:30.000 Oh, yeah, dude.
01:42:31.000 I mean, he trains people.
01:42:32.000 He teaches people how to do it.
01:42:33.000 He's as legit as they get.
01:42:35.000 He holds the world record for swimming under ice.
01:42:38.000 Ice?
01:42:39.000 Yes. 0.99
01:42:39.000 And, by the way, he fucked up and couldn't figure out which way to get out because his retinas had frozen over because the water was so cold. 0.99
01:42:48.000 How does he do this? 1.00
01:42:49.000 He's an animal. 1.00
01:42:51.000 He's a fucking savage, that guy, in the most beautiful sense of the word. 1.00
01:42:57.000 He just has incredible breath control. 1.00
01:42:59.000 That's a big part of his whole entire philosophy.
01:43:03.000 So the guy's following this rope.
01:43:06.000 Once he's committed to it, by the way, he's just got these little spots along the way where he can get some air.
01:43:13.000 But he lost track. 0.96
01:43:14.000 He couldn't see good anymore because it was so goddamn cold. 0.92
01:43:18.000 He couldn't figure out where the exit is. 0.97
01:43:20.000 So he went more than the full distance.
01:43:23.000 That was his goal in the first place.
01:43:26.000 Which was insane.
01:43:28.000 All of it's insane.
01:43:30.000 Oh. 0.99
01:43:30.000 Fucking A, man. 0.99
01:43:32.000 I mean... 0.99
01:43:33.000 That guy has something special.
01:43:35.000 He teaches people, which is the crazier part even to me, that he's gotten people, train them to swim in, like, freezing water, walk through ice, and also fight off a cold.
01:43:45.000 Yes, yes. 1.00
01:43:46.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00
01:43:47.000 I use his breathing technique before I go on stage. 1.00
01:43:49.000 And when I do, I have better shows.
01:43:51.000 This is what I think.
01:43:52.000 I think you, like, kind of hyper-oxygenate and stimulate your mind.
01:43:56.000 How sophisticated is his breathing technique?
01:43:58.000 Well, it's a lot of what he does that I find beneficial is like, and I've heard this concept in yoga before too, is breathing in, like take a giant breath, and letting out, excuse me, Letting out about 20%,
01:44:14.000 and then breathing in again as hard as you can, and letting out about 20%, breathing in as hard as you can, and then continue that for long periods of time.
01:44:23.000 Dude, I do that in the cryo tank, where I stand in the cold air.
01:44:28.000 Yeah.
01:44:28.000 Three minutes goes by like that.
01:44:30.000 There's a giant difference between when I do that and when I don't do that.
01:44:34.000 So you focus on your breathing.
01:44:36.000 It's a little bit of that. 0.93
01:44:37.000 There's something about people that are encountering any sort of stimulation where it's real hard to manage the stimulation without letting everything get fucking crazy and haywire.
01:44:47.000 And being able to manage it has a gigantic effect on what the actual results or the actual experience of being this cold is.
01:44:58.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.81
01:44:58.000 Because it's the same goddamn thing, but if you can control your breath and control your consciousness, and you're doing something that seems to be heating up your body, too, in a little bit of a way. 0.81
01:45:08.000 Almost like an internal exercise, because it's difficult to do, because you're taking these big, giant breaths of cold air, and then you're letting out a little, and then you're taking a big, giant breath. 0.98
01:45:17.000 It's almost like you're flexing your lungs.
01:45:19.000 Yeah.
01:45:19.000 And when you do that, man...
01:45:21.000 I mean, it might make it 20, 30% easier to deal with three minutes.
01:45:26.000 Supposedly...
01:45:26.000 I'm not kidding.
01:45:27.000 One of the Olympics.
01:45:28.000 I don't know what year it is, if you'd like to check, whoever. 0.98
01:45:31.000 The Russians beat the fuck out of the Americans. 0.99
01:45:35.000 Supposedly, Americans came out, walking out, you know, the flag, and the Russians all came out going, Hoo! 0.99
01:45:42.000 Hoo! 1.00
01:45:43.000 Hoo! 1.00
01:45:44.000 And they couldn't figure out what the fuck is wrong with these motherfuckers. 1.00
01:45:47.000 That's what they were doing. 1.00
01:45:49.000 They warm up their lungs and they look back to think about what they're about to do, the technique they're about to use, and to let the blood go to the back.
01:45:57.000 Something fucking weird I read about that was pretty interesting.
01:46:00.000 Whether it's true or not, I don't know. 0.95
01:46:01.000 But supposedly their cardio was so ahead of the United States because they were doing a pre- Like breathing exercises.
01:46:11.000 I think it has something to do.
01:46:13.000 Now is that the guy that also has the record for the deepest drop?
01:46:18.000 I think it's a different guy.
01:46:19.000 That's a different guy.
01:46:20.000 He's the one that I read about.
01:46:23.000 He's the one that wrote about how you have to prepare for all that stuff.
01:46:27.000 And that it was learned when the Russians came out in the Olympics.
01:46:31.000 It's interesting to focus on your breath.
01:46:33.000 I don't do it much.
01:46:34.000 I've actually been doing Pilates.
01:46:37.000 And it's way fucking A, harder than I thought it was going to be. 0.87
01:46:40.000 But B, you're thinking about your breath for an hour, basically. 0.96
01:46:44.000 You're always working on your breath.
01:46:46.000 It's not...
01:46:48.000 It's not a secret that the greatest jiu-jitsu guy of all time had this crazy breath control.
01:46:54.000 Really?
01:46:55.000 Hicks and Gracie?
01:46:56.000 Yeah.
01:46:57.000 There's a bunch of videos of him.
01:46:58.000 You ever see the documentary Choke?
01:47:00.000 You ever heard of it?
01:47:01.000 No.
01:47:01.000 It's an amazing documentary about this guy, Hicks and Gracie, who's almost universally regarded as the greatest jiu-jitsu player of all time.
01:47:09.000 Yeah.
01:47:09.000 And fought a bunch of fights in MMA and strangled everybody and fought.
01:47:12.000 But there's this video where he's doing this yoga exercise.
01:47:17.000 Warm-up sort of thing that he would do every day and he does this thing with his stomach that you watch him do this and He starts warming his stomach up.
01:47:27.000 He's doing this like fire breathing shit But then he starts sucking his stomach into like the upper corners of his ribcage like rhythmically in this like almost impossible Like when you're watching him doing it, like he's warming everything up, 0.60
01:47:43.000 and then once he gets it warmed up, he starts wiggling the internals. 0.99
01:47:48.000 Like, look at this, man. 0.99
01:47:49.000 Who the fuck has that kind of control of your abdominal muscles? 0.99
01:47:54.000 This guy would do this, like, every time he trained? 1.00
01:47:56.000 He did it all the time.
01:47:57.000 He did it constantly.
01:47:58.000 He did this, he did yoga constantly, gymnastics.
01:48:01.000 He did a type of yoga called Gymnastica Natural, which is a Brazilian sort of a...
01:48:11.000 A combination of yoga and a lot of movements, like rolling and animal-like movements, natural movements.
01:48:20.000 Amazing stuff.
01:48:22.000 See if you can find the guy who created that Gymnastica Natural, so you give the guy credit, because there's a really amazing style of working out.
01:48:30.000 Yes.
01:48:31.000 Those guys are into gymnastics.
01:48:34.000 There's a couple of Brazilian guys that are teaching.
01:48:36.000 That sport is actually so much more badass than it's given credit for.
01:48:41.000 Jiu-Jitsu?
01:48:41.000 No, no.
01:48:42.000 I'm talking about gymnasts.
01:48:43.000 Oh, gymnasts, for sure.
01:48:44.000 Or even yoga masters.
01:48:46.000 Their physical ability is so beyond, I think, most people's perception of it when they first think about it. 1.00
01:48:55.000 These people are fucking psychos, man. 1.00
01:48:59.000 Professor Alvaro Romano is the guy who created Gymnastica Natural. 1.00
01:49:04.000 And that was Hickson's thing.
01:49:06.000 And there's videos of him doing it, doing it on the beach.
01:49:09.000 There's a video of Hickson doing it and you watch the movement and you go, oh, this is almost like he's having like, it's almost like shadow fighting with Jiu-Jitsu.
01:49:19.000 Because you're being able to put your body in these weird positions over and over and over again and balance yourself and control.
01:49:25.000 It's all about just controlling your body in any weird way that you could possibly encounter a position where you'd have to be strong. 0.99
01:49:33.000 Wild shit, because he was way ahead of the curve, man. 0.99
01:49:36.000 Everybody back then was doing Mexican supplements and deadlifts and bench pressing and fucking running over each other in training camp, beating the shit out of each other, and Hickson was just strangling people. 0.99
01:49:50.000 It's really a fascinating thing when you stop and think about it, that this one guy was the best and so far ahead of the curve and so few people even people that really got into Jiu Jitsu saw well first of all he had amazing talent his dad was Elio Gracie those are two giant factors but also the way he trained and the way he controlled his breath and his own son Krohn Gracie who's world champion one of the best grapplers in the world can do all that stuff too he has massive breath control and
01:50:20.000 he'll tell you it's all about your breath Being able to control your breath is a massive part of your anxiety levels.
01:50:27.000 It's a massive part of how you can deal with stress, how you can calm yourself down.
01:50:33.000 You have control and power over your lungs.
01:50:36.000 What does this do?
01:50:39.000 He's out there in the jungle.
01:50:40.000 This guy's actually doing it in the jungle.
01:50:43.000 Jacare does a lot of that stuff.
01:50:44.000 We all breathe naturally.
01:50:46.000 If you look at your children, they're breathing the way that we're supposed to breathe.
01:50:51.000 Somewhere where we're 10 or 12, we become a teenager, we go off.
01:50:56.000 My breathing was complete.
01:50:58.000 I went to seminars.
01:51:00.000 Did you really?
01:51:02.000 When I went to jiu-jitsu, I created so much fear in my mind from being on my back that I would immediately run outside and take my gi off and pee my pants.
01:51:14.000 And most people would quit.
01:51:16.000 Like, I'd just pee a little bit in my shorts.
01:51:19.000 Most people would have quit.
01:51:20.000 I don't like that feeling.
01:51:22.000 So I kept calling back.
01:51:23.000 And I wouldn't improve.
01:51:25.000 I wouldn't improve because of my cardio.
01:51:26.000 Yeah, I've been smoking joints for 30 years. 1.00
01:51:28.000 Yeah, I'm a fat fuck. 1.00
01:51:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:30.000 It was that I had to build. 1.00
01:51:31.000 Like, I had to get Bas Rutten's mouthpiece to build my diaphragm.
01:51:35.000 Just to... 1.00
01:51:36.000 To suck. 0.99
01:51:37.000 I had nose therapy. 0.99
01:51:38.000 All this because of jiu-jitsu.
01:51:40.000 That boss rootin' thing is legit. 0.59
01:51:41.000 The boss rootin' thing is legit.
01:51:43.000 When I hit the bag, I used the boss rootin' thing. 0.96
01:51:45.000 Yeah.
01:51:45.000 I think what they're saying is the best way to use it is just use it in exercises.
01:51:50.000 Exercise.
01:51:50.000 Like use it as an exercise.
01:51:52.000 Push-ups.
01:51:52.000 Sit-ups, yeah.
01:51:53.000 Just do a few things with it and just blow some air out with it.
01:51:56.000 Really good.
01:51:57.000 It's really helped me.
01:51:58.000 But that's how much I've learned about it.
01:52:01.000 Now I don't have as much anxiety.
01:52:03.000 I breathe it out. 0.98
01:52:04.000 It really fucking... 0.99
01:52:06.000 So I've done a lot of reading about it. 0.98
01:52:08.000 But that guy's article about the guy that dipped the longest, his was the most interesting. 1.00
01:52:13.000 I didn't know about this guy on the fucking ice and shit. 0.99
01:52:17.000 But it's true, man. 0.99
01:52:18.000 Once you...
01:52:19.000 Now I'm rolling, and now I pull guard all the time just to be on my back.
01:52:24.000 I want to be fearful.
01:52:25.000 Yeah.
01:52:26.000 So I just look back.
01:52:28.000 Whenever I have a problem, I do a thing called hula boo that the Indians did. 1.00
01:52:33.000 Hula boo? 0.77
01:52:34.000 Where you look hookaloo or something like that.
01:52:36.000 Oh, hookalow. 1.00
01:52:37.000 Hookalow, where you look up and you center again.
01:52:41.000 Yeah.
01:52:42.000 That's helped me become a better comic. 0.99
01:52:44.000 Sometimes you're up there talking shit and you just center yourself. 0.97
01:52:47.000 And all these little things I learned because I joined jujitsu, like my breathing, I focus on it. 0.99
01:52:52.000 When I roll now, I don't care about hands no more.
01:52:55.000 I don't care if you choke me. 0.99
01:52:56.000 I really don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:52:57.000 I'm horrible anyway. 0.98
01:52:59.000 I'm just...
01:53:01.000 I'm just learning to breathe all over you.
01:53:04.000 I'm just learning to breathe. 0.99
01:53:06.000 I was grabbing you and trying to go for a cross collar and then fucking doing something completely different for a scissor sweep. 0.99
01:53:14.000 And somebody's like, Joey, you gotta exhale, brother. 0.97
01:53:17.000 Chili, do you do yoga for jiu-jitsu?
01:53:20.000 Don't they have a class like that down at our schools?
01:53:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do.
01:53:25.000 I go earlier...
01:53:26.000 What's the name of the actual...
01:53:27.000 The thing is called TacFit, but I go to yoga with my wife once a week.
01:53:31.000 We just go to...
01:53:32.000 She goes four times.
01:53:33.000 I just go with the Tuesday one just to loosen up from 10 to 11. I'm not that good at it.
01:53:39.000 Tacfit is our friends.
01:53:40.000 Tacfit is our Scott Sonnen and Galazi. 0.99
01:53:44.000 Galazi, who you did the podcast with me. 0.98
01:53:46.000 They're fucking having a tremendous workshop. 0.97
01:53:48.000 I can't go. 0.99
01:53:49.000 It's at fucking 9 to 5. I can't remember that much shit. 1.00
01:53:53.000 Saturday and Sunday. 1.00
01:53:54.000 What are they teaching you?
01:53:55.000 Kettlebells meets clubbells with Galazi. 0.98
01:53:57.000 And how it affects jiu-jitsu and MMA and stuff like that.
01:54:02.000 So last week I got to meet Scott Sonnen. 0.98
01:54:05.000 And boy, he's fucking great, Joe. 0.97
01:54:07.000 He's got a lot of great stuff about club bells. 0.99
01:54:09.000 Yes, great stuff.
01:54:10.000 I've seen some of his videos and things.
01:54:11.000 Listen, I'm up to the 20 pounds from Aubrey.
01:54:13.000 Yeah.
01:54:14.000 I started, when I first got the club bells from Aubrey, my wrist was hurting with five pounds.
01:54:19.000 I couldn't even do the simple five-pound one.
01:54:23.000 Now I'm taking 20s, holding them, going all the way back, bringing them back, and it's all focused on my back and breathing.
01:54:30.000 That's it. 0.99
01:54:31.000 I just threw shit to breathing. 0.99
01:54:32.000 I don't give a fuck if I get beat up, because that's what was really bothering me, was the breathing. 0.99
01:54:37.000 You've been getting better at it. 0.99
01:54:39.000 Yeah, but now I'm getting better at it, plus the sleep apnea had put a lot of fear.
01:54:44.000 So being on my back and being out of breath, the sleep apnea would kick in again.
01:54:50.000 Do you ever do those shield casts?
01:54:53.000 What's that, bro?
01:54:54.000 Remember the Iron Sheik? 0.90
01:54:55.000 Remember the Iron Sheik used to hold up those gigantic Iranian clubs that they would use for wrestling training? 0.98
01:55:04.000 It's like it was a really strong move for wrestling training.
01:55:07.000 See if you could find one with the Iron Sheik, because he was... 0.99
01:55:10.000 The Iron Sheik, for people who don't know, he was a pro wrestler in the WWE. It was WWF back then.
01:55:17.000 And before he was that, he was a super successful Iranian amateur wrestler.
01:55:23.000 He was a legit wrestler.
01:55:26.000 Legit wrestling skills.
01:55:27.000 And ridiculously strong.
01:55:29.000 And he's holding these things...
01:55:31.000 I don't know how much these things weigh, but they...
01:55:34.000 It doesn't look like he's faking this because of the slow motion of how he's moving it.
01:55:39.000 They look like heavy objects.
01:55:41.000 I don't know how much they weigh, but this is a really hard workout to do. 0.99
01:55:45.000 You know, I can barely do that shit with like 15 pounds and I'm not bullshitting. 0.99
01:55:50.000 With one hand, it's hard. 0.99
01:55:53.000 It's a weird control thing.
01:55:54.000 And you realize, like, how you're strong in certain areas. 1.00
01:55:58.000 No, those are definitely heavy as fuck, dude. 1.00
01:56:00.000 They're heavy as fuck. 1.00
01:56:00.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:56:01.000 You're strong in certain areas.
01:56:02.000 Like, that guy's super jacked.
01:56:05.000 Who is that? 0.85
01:56:07.000 It's got beautiful underwear.
01:56:10.000 But it's a very difficult thing because you could be really strong when it comes to a straight shoulder press. 0.96
01:56:17.000 You could hoist up like 70 pounds, but there's no fucking way in the world you're going to be moving around 70 pounds like that. 0.90
01:56:24.000 You just can't do it. 0.98
01:56:25.000 Your arm's gonna fall off.
01:56:27.000 Especially if you have it in the form of a club.
01:56:30.000 You can't even get close. 0.96
01:56:31.000 I can do a lot of shit with heavy kettlebells, but when it comes to one of those clubs, I take two hands to move around a 30-pound one. 0.98
01:56:38.000 Right. 0.99
01:56:39.000 Which is crazy.
01:56:39.000 If someone says 30 pounds, do you bench press 30 pounds?
01:56:43.000 Bro, that's all we got here? 1.00
01:56:44.000 Fucking 30 pounds, bro! 1.00
01:56:45.000 Fuck, I can't even get a pump! 1.00
01:56:48.000 Doing something with one of these clubs that's 30 pounds is fucking insane. 1.00
01:56:52.000 It's insane. 0.99
01:56:53.000 You have to be so goddamn strong. 0.98
01:56:56.000 And that sounds weird. 0.99
01:56:57.000 Because it seems like, well, 30 pounds is 30 pounds. 0.99
01:57:00.000 But when you start swinging that shit over your head, and it's long, and so, like, the leverage is going against you. 0.99
01:57:05.000 Look at him, dude. 1.00
01:57:06.000 He looks like a fucking bulldozer. 1.00
01:57:08.000 Dude, he was a bulldozer. 1.00
01:57:09.000 This is the guy that's on Twitter calling everybody to fuck. 1.00
01:57:11.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:57:11.000 Everybody's like, this is the guy. 1.00
01:57:12.000 This is him.
01:57:12.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:57:13.000 Oh, my God. 0.97
01:57:13.000 He hates Nazis. 0.97
01:57:14.000 I retweeted him the other day about Nazis. 0.68
01:57:16.000 I love him.
01:57:17.000 I was on stage with him in Toronto.
01:57:19.000 It was one of my favorite moments as a human.
01:57:21.000 Calling people jabronis. 1.00
01:57:22.000 Yeah, he calls everybody a piece of shit. 1.00
01:57:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:57:25.000 He fucking hated everybody. 0.99
01:57:26.000 He's a good man, though. 0.99
01:57:28.000 And he was a stud wrestler, but that's the dark secret of not just professional wrestling, but of just real high-level grappling. 0.97
01:57:38.000 It's like the damage that gets done to a lot of those guys' bodies is almost unfixable, and he's all fucked up now.
01:57:44.000 Ric Flair's not in a coma, but in the ICU for the last four or five days. 0.87
01:57:49.000 Yeah, I heard about that.
01:57:50.000 And how old is Ric Flair?
01:57:55.000 You know, they pay a price.
01:57:57.000 They pay a price to entertain in that way.
01:58:00.000 It's very physically violent.
01:58:02.000 Just because it's not, quote-unquote, a real fight, whereas there's an unplanned outcome and they're just throwing haymakers at each other like a real MMA fight.
01:58:11.000 Just because it's not that doesn't mean that they're not taking in a lot of damage.
01:58:14.000 Oh, a lot of physical damage. 1.00
01:58:15.000 Hit with those fucking forearm shivers and dropped a fucking chair on them. 1.00
01:58:20.000 Like, all that shit is fucking them up, man. 1.00
01:58:23.000 A lot of them have brain damage, too. 1.00
01:58:24.000 A lot of them.
01:58:24.000 I'm sure.
01:58:26.000 I'm sure there's no studies on it, but I'm sure.
01:58:28.000 I mean, I'm sure some of them avoided it.
01:58:31.000 You know, some of them fought smart.
01:58:32.000 What does he say?
01:58:33.000 What is that boy saying in your song?
01:58:36.000 I thought it was Halloween.
01:58:38.000 What does he say? 0.99
01:58:39.000 Dropping motherfucking bees on them. 0.99
01:58:41.000 What does he say? 1.00
01:58:42.000 Right, right, right.
01:58:42.000 Ghetto boys?
01:58:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:58:46.000 What was that line?
01:58:48.000 Oh my god, I haven't heard that in so long.
01:58:50.000 What song is that?
01:58:52.000 Oh, it's the Halloween song, right?
01:58:55.000 We've been chickening up the place.
01:58:56.000 What's that, Jamie?
01:58:58.000 My mind playing tricks on me.
01:59:00.000 Yeah, that's it.
01:59:03.000 This wasn't no ordinary.
01:59:05.000 He was by seven feet.
01:59:07.000 Whatever.
01:59:08.000 We triple teamed on him. 1.00
01:59:10.000 Dropping them motherfucking bees on him. 0.99
01:59:14.000 The more I do, whatever. 0.99
01:59:16.000 The more I swung, the more blood flew.
01:59:18.000 Then he disappeared and then my boys disappeared too.
01:59:23.000 Wow.
01:59:24.000 That's a classic, man.
01:59:25.000 Oh my god.
01:59:26.000 Bushwick Bill, ladies and gentlemen.
01:59:27.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:59:28.000 Remember when there was a fucking cover? 1.00
01:59:30.000 The cover of a Ghetto Boy CD is Bushwick Bill with his eyes shot out in a fucking nut. 0.99
01:59:36.000 Not even this one, it's another one. 0.99
01:59:38.000 In the gurney on the way to the hospital.
01:59:41.000 And it's like, We Can't Be Stopped is the name of the album.
01:59:45.000 He got shot in the eye.
01:59:46.000 It's hilarious, man.
01:59:47.000 I think he shot himself in the eye. 0.99
01:59:49.000 I don't even know what the fuck happened. 0.99
01:59:50.000 Someone shot him in the eye. 0.99
01:59:52.000 And he's like, we can't be stopped.
01:59:53.000 And he's in the gurney.
01:59:55.000 Like, look at this.
01:59:55.000 Oh, yeah, right.
01:59:56.000 Damn! 1.00
01:59:57.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:59:58.000 So he's on the phone.
01:59:59.000 He's got one of them bricks.
02:00:02.000 He's got one of them brick cell phones from the olden days.
02:00:05.000 From back of the Gordon Gekko days.
02:00:07.000 These guys aren't playing games, man.
02:00:08.000 And so he got shot in the eye.
02:00:11.000 And while that's happening, he's on the phone doing deals.
02:00:15.000 Doing deals.
02:00:16.000 Still doing deals.
02:00:17.000 What was the conversation they had?
02:00:20.000 Like as they were pushing, they said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
02:00:22.000 Why don't we take a picture so we can put this on?
02:00:25.000 Yo, yo, yo. 0.99
02:00:27.000 We gotta take a picture here.
02:00:28.000 Let me take this bandage off right quick. 0.56
02:00:30.000 Let me take this bandage off right quick. 0.56
02:00:32.000 Oh my God, man.
02:00:33.000 Yeah.
02:00:34.000 Now, who's the midget? 1.00
02:00:36.000 That's Bushwick Bill.
02:00:37.000 That's horrible nomenclature, sir.
02:00:40.000 What is it?
02:00:40.000 I don't know.
02:00:41.000 I don't think you're allowed to say that anymore.
02:00:42.000 Who's the small person?
02:00:43.000 Yes, there you go.
02:00:44.000 Thank you.
02:00:45.000 Now I think differently of you. 0.97
02:00:46.000 John Wesley saw him fucking changing the flat once in Houston. 0.98
02:00:50.000 Really? 0.99
02:00:50.000 And he pulled over to help Bushwick Bill. 0.99
02:00:52.000 Wow.
02:00:52.000 He goes, how cool was that?
02:00:53.000 I helped Bushwick Bill.
02:00:55.000 I met Willie D at a show once.
02:00:56.000 He came to a show.
02:00:57.000 Did he?
02:00:57.000 He's got one of my favorite quotes all the time.
02:00:59.000 You gotta let a hoe be a hoe. 1.00
02:01:01.000 He's totally right.
02:01:02.000 You gotta let your nuts hang.
02:01:04.000 He really did shoot his eye out. 0.89
02:01:06.000 He really did.
02:01:07.000 Oh yeah, that wasn't a publicity stunt.
02:01:09.000 Look at that. 1.00
02:01:11.000 Damn. 1.00
02:01:11.000 That's crazy. 1.00
02:01:14.000 Imagine that face walking up to you, like at a store, and just being like, I'm a celebrity.
02:01:19.000 Oh my god. 0.99
02:01:20.000 Fucking eyes shot out. 1.00
02:01:21.000 They were fucking huge at one time. 1.00
02:01:24.000 Ghetto Boys? 1.00
02:01:25.000 For sure.
02:01:25.000 Two Life Crew.
02:01:27.000 We Can't Be Stopped? 1.00
02:01:28.000 We Can't Be Stopped is a big fucking album. 0.99
02:01:31.000 They were huge. 0.99
02:01:33.000 I used to listen to them when I was on the Treadmaster. 1.00
02:01:37.000 Fucking Stairmaster things, whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
02:01:39.000 Rap-A-Lot, right? 1.00
02:01:40.000 Isn't that the Houston label?
02:01:42.000 Wasn't that Rap-A-Lot?
02:01:43.000 They put Houston on the map, for sure.
02:01:44.000 Yeah, Rap-A-Lot.
02:01:45.000 That's exactly what it was.
02:01:46.000 Fifth Ward.
02:01:48.000 That's right.
02:01:49.000 What happened to that dude with the white dude with the teeth?
02:01:52.000 Oh, Paul Wall?
02:01:53.000 Yeah!
02:01:54.000 I think he's still out there.
02:01:55.000 He still makes teeth, for sure.
02:01:57.000 Does he make grills?
02:01:59.000 Yeah, he still does.
02:02:00.000 He makes grills.
02:02:01.000 You can get Paul Wall made grills.
02:02:03.000 No, I'm not.
02:02:03.000 We should all get grills.
02:02:04.000 That's a good idea for real.
02:02:06.000 That's a great Christmas.
02:02:07.000 Get some Death Squad grills.
02:02:08.000 Let's do it, man. 1.00
02:02:09.000 Let's fucking do it. 0.99
02:02:10.000 Will you do it? 1.00
02:02:11.000 Please?
02:02:13.000 Will you please do it?
02:02:14.000 How many teeth?
02:02:15.000 How many teeth are we talking?
02:02:16.000 Let's just get a row, man.
02:02:17.000 A full row?
02:02:17.000 No, like tops or bottoms.
02:02:19.000 Would we go to Paul?
02:02:20.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:02:21.000 Paul Wall.
02:02:21.000 What's up?
02:02:22.000 Joe Rogan 1000. There you go.
02:02:23.000 If it cuts your lips.
02:02:24.000 No, it's fine, man. 1.00
02:02:26.000 What if it gets hooked up on your wife's pussy? 1.00
02:02:28.000 That's cool, too. 1.00
02:02:29.000 If it's diamonds, she'll be cool with it.
02:02:33.000 Yank it out of there.
02:02:34.000 How much is it for the denture grills?
02:02:36.000 How much for that one?
02:02:37.000 The denture grills?
02:02:37.000 Let's see that one.
02:02:38.000 What's the cost on that?
02:02:40.000 There you go.
02:02:40.000 Those are the ones you slide right off and on.
02:02:42.000 Look at the fucking diamond grill. 1.00
02:02:43.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:02:45.000 What about people that want to be diamond vampires?
02:02:47.000 That's $2,400.
02:02:47.000 Whoa.
02:02:48.000 That's not bad.
02:02:49.000 $2,400 for jewelry in your teeth.
02:02:53.000 Just to let everybody know, you're not playing by any. 1.00
02:02:55.000 Fuck! 1.00
02:02:55.000 Wicked rules! 1.00
02:02:57.000 You're definitely not, man. 0.62
02:02:58.000 If you meet a dude and he has a number of gold teeth, the number of gold teeth has a direct proportion as to whether or not he's a pirate, right? 1.00
02:03:05.000 Dude, shoot your next special wearing these motherfuckers. 1.00
02:03:08.000 Let people know what time it is, man. 1.00
02:03:10.000 I'm serious.
02:03:12.000 J-R-E, and then put the name of the special on the bottom.
02:03:15.000 I need a hype, man.
02:03:16.000 I've been thinking of calling you on this.
02:03:18.000 I'd love to.
02:03:19.000 Asking you to figure out what's my best strategy.
02:03:21.000 I'm trying to hype out.
02:03:22.000 Is that a word?
02:03:23.000 You know what I would do? 0.99
02:03:24.000 As soon as you hit a big punchline, I would go, and that was fucking funny! 0.98
02:03:29.000 To get them wrapped up even more. 0.99
02:03:34.000 Look at Lil fuckin' John. 1.00
02:03:36.000 I wonder what he makes a year just showing up and going, yeah, yeah!
02:03:40.000 A lot.
02:03:41.000 Right? 0.98
02:03:41.000 Yeah, like 50 grand a fuckin'... 0.98
02:03:43.000 I'm sure, man. 0.91
02:03:44.000 Lil Jon stays paid.
02:03:46.000 It was like Paris Hilton was like one of the biggest things that she had was like those nightclub appearances.
02:03:50.000 She'd go and they'd just pay her a grip of money. 0.92
02:03:54.000 Yeah, just to be there.
02:03:54.000 And she would just show up.
02:03:55.000 Hey everybody, it's Paris Hilton.
02:03:57.000 When I lived in Orlando, some guy gave her a club. 0.62
02:04:00.000 It was called Club Paris.
02:04:01.000 Everyone was supposed to come show up because she was supposed to be there every weekend. 1.00
02:04:05.000 She's not going to Orlando every weekend, obviously.
02:04:07.000 Was that the idea that he had?
02:04:09.000 How coked up are you?
02:04:11.000 I don't know if I'm going into business with Paris Hilton.
02:04:14.000 I got an idea.
02:04:15.000 I'm going to give her a club. 1.00
02:04:17.000 I'm going to give her a club, bro. 0.98
02:04:18.000 Is that cool?
02:04:20.000 You see it?
02:04:20.000 You see the connection?
02:04:21.000 If you're hearing this guy who made that deal, I'm sorry.
02:04:24.000 I'm just joking around.
02:04:26.000 I don't really think that happened. 0.96
02:04:26.000 Do you remember when they were fucking that hot? 0.96
02:04:28.000 Like, when we were first going to the comedy store, Sunset, when you hit Laurel Canyon, it was bumper-to-bumper traffic. 0.98
02:04:36.000 Right.
02:04:37.000 Okay?
02:04:37.000 It was bumper-to-bumper traffic.
02:04:39.000 I remember getting a ticket one time, because my spot was up.
02:04:42.000 I just went in the middle lane. 0.97
02:04:44.000 There was a cop right there fucking waiting for me by the standard. 0.96
02:04:47.000 You know, that was when Hilton, and what's the other chick that was getting in trouble? 1.00
02:04:52.000 Lindsay Lohan.
02:04:53.000 Yeah, she was getting a lot of trouble. 0.99
02:04:54.000 They were out every fucking night causing problems. 0.98
02:04:57.000 Then Lindsay Lohan went to the griddle before court one day. 1.00
02:05:02.000 She went to that place that we went to.
02:05:04.000 That breakfast place.
02:05:05.000 Yeah.
02:05:05.000 Good place.
02:05:06.000 And that was it after that. 0.94
02:05:07.000 The griddle was packed for fucking months after that because they thought Lindsay was going to go in there for breakfast every morning. 1.00
02:05:14.000 They have those crazy pancakes, right? 0.98
02:05:16.000 They still do.
02:05:16.000 You have good pancakes.
02:05:17.000 I mean, but I'm saying that it's like 18 pancakes and one they're like, there's your pancake. 0.99
02:05:21.000 They fucking kill you there. 1.00
02:05:22.000 It's nuts, man. 1.00
02:05:23.000 They kill you there. 1.00
02:05:23.000 They'll kill you. 1.00
02:05:23.000 They kill you. 1.00
02:05:25.000 They serve the coffee you like 15 years ago.
02:05:28.000 Fresh press.
02:05:29.000 Oh yeah, fresh press.
02:05:30.000 They were.
02:05:30.000 That's right.
02:05:31.000 15 fucking years ago. 0.99
02:05:32.000 Good stuff. 0.99
02:05:32.000 Yeah, 15 years ago they had coffee from like Hawaii there. 0.99
02:05:35.000 Yeah, they were doing a good job there.
02:05:37.000 I just don't like waiting on line for eggs, bro.
02:05:40.000 I'm anti-waiting on line for eggs.
02:05:41.000 I'm anti-waiting in line, basically, period, for restaurants.
02:05:45.000 I mean, when something kind of reasonable, fine.
02:05:48.000 Obviously, it's like your table.
02:05:49.000 You don't have a table.
02:05:49.000 You have to hang out.
02:05:50.000 But when they're like, this place is awesome.
02:05:51.000 It's just an hour and a half.
02:05:52.000 Have you ever done Franklin's Barbecue in Austin?
02:05:56.000 No.
02:05:56.000 It comes up every time.
02:05:57.000 I'm not staying in line.
02:05:58.000 I'm not paying nobody $8 an hour. 0.99
02:06:00.000 Get more fucking help in there. 1.00
02:06:02.000 And come out and get more fucking waitresses. 1.00
02:06:05.000 What's that hamburger place? 1.00
02:06:06.000 They do it.
02:06:07.000 They got people out there.
02:06:09.000 I think it's just a place to be cool.
02:06:12.000 Some people sit there for eight bucks an hour for you. 1.00
02:06:14.000 Ari likes that shit. 1.00
02:06:15.000 Sitting there, listen, nothing. 1.00
02:06:17.000 I don't want to wait for nothing.
02:06:18.000 When I go to breakfast in Hollywood, if I go to the doctor, I stop by the griddle first.
02:06:23.000 Is it still nuts there?
02:06:25.000 It's still a little line, but if they give me any drama, there's a bagel place across the street that's tremendous.
02:06:31.000 I got a nice, clean turkey, Bobby. 0.99
02:06:33.000 They make fresh fucking turkey and put it on your bagel, Bobby. 0.99
02:06:37.000 I ain't fucking around, Jack. 1.00
02:06:39.000 The best wizard job in all of Hollywood is pinks. 0.99
02:06:42.000 Yeah.
02:06:42.000 That's the worst food I've ever had.
02:06:43.000 They are goddamned wizards. 1.00
02:06:46.000 Horrific. 0.99
02:06:47.000 I remember moving here in 2002. That's the first thing you do.
02:06:51.000 And you're like, man, I gotta hit that spot.
02:06:53.000 Look at that line.
02:06:54.000 And then you get one of those hot dogs.
02:06:55.000 You went, it's a hot dog.
02:06:57.000 If you're into hot dogs, it's a terrible hot dog.
02:07:00.000 I feel like you actually bite into it and you're like, this is amazing.
02:07:03.000 And then you take another bite and you're like, no, I just hype myself into thinking.
02:07:08.000 I wanted it to be amazing. 1.00
02:07:09.000 But listen, fuck us. 1.00
02:07:10.000 That place is crowded every goddamn night. 1.00
02:07:12.000 It's something smart about cooking. 0.99
02:07:14.000 No, it's about cooking outdoors, too.
02:07:16.000 Having that open window so you walk by and you can see them cooking the hot dogs.
02:07:21.000 I went in there and the buns were pink, the buns were yellow, the chili was god-awful, and the hot dogs were god-awful.
02:07:31.000 The real problem for me is always gonna be that I've had real New York hot dogs that snap when you bite them.
02:07:40.000 There's those type of hot dogs that they were making The buns were perfect.
02:07:45.000 The buns go so far.
02:07:47.000 With burgers too, you know?
02:07:48.000 Amazing buns.
02:07:49.000 But there's something about when you snap into one of those and you taste that real fresh, real delicious hot dog taste. 0.99
02:07:57.000 Regular bullshit hot dogs, they just don't fly anymore. 0.99
02:08:00.000 Like when you go to a Dodger stadium, those are the worst. 1.00
02:08:03.000 Hot dogs you'll ever have.
02:08:05.000 You know, Adam Carolla's in some sort of a beef with fans about that?
02:08:09.000 It's a horrible hot dog.
02:08:10.000 Dodger dogs?
02:08:10.000 It's god-awful.
02:08:12.000 It's like you're eating oatmeal from American Airlines.
02:08:14.000 You think you're poisoning yourself. 0.99
02:08:16.000 Every time I get the oatmeal from American, I'm like, am I fucking poisoning myself? 1.00
02:08:20.000 Those Dodger dogs are so fucking bad, man. 1.00
02:08:23.000 They're horrible. 1.00
02:08:24.000 I don't give a fuck what anybody says. 0.99
02:08:26.000 When I was in the... 0.98
02:08:27.000 From junior year...
02:08:32.000 What's that word?
02:08:34.000 Excoriates?
02:08:35.000 He excoriates?
02:08:37.000 The Dodger dog implores rams to serve better beef.
02:08:40.000 What is that word?
02:08:41.000 Have you ever seen that word?
02:08:43.000 Wow.
02:08:44.000 Whoever you are, word wizard of Google.
02:08:47.000 It's my junior year in high school. 0.99
02:08:50.000 Mr. Hildebrand took us to the fucking Sabrat place. 0.95
02:08:57.000 Just to take us through a little walk, you know, because what his job was to do was to every month to show us different career opportunities. 0.98
02:09:06.000 And we went to this hot dog thing down like we had to take a bus down there.
02:09:11.000 Have you ever seen that?
02:09:12.000 No.
02:09:13.000 Okay, so there's four Puerto Ricans, and they got brooms, and they got yellow suits on, and they got those boots on, okay? 0.98
02:09:21.000 And there's a fucking, you know when you work on a construction site, and you throw the sheetrock in the tube, and the tube goes down to the first floor into the dumpster, okay? 0.97
02:09:31.000 So there's a tube like that. 0.98
02:09:34.000 And then there's four Puerto Ricans with broom, and there's six Puerto Ricans with bags of 80-pound and 90-pound salt.
02:09:43.000 This is back in 1980, okay?
02:09:46.000 Okay.
02:09:46.000 You know, 90 pounds.
02:09:47.000 And there's pallets of 90 pounds.
02:09:50.000 And every once in a while, the light turns red, and this thing, just body parts start falling.
02:09:55.000 Heads, shoulders, eyeballs, you just see it. 0.98
02:10:00.000 And then these guys, the other Puerto Ricans, break the bags of salt and put them on this shit that's falling. 1.00
02:10:06.000 Like, it's nonstop. 1.00
02:10:07.000 Bam! 0.98
02:10:07.000 And these guys sweep that. 0.98
02:10:11.000 Into a fucking hole. 1.00
02:10:13.000 And that's how the hot dog gets. 1.00
02:10:15.000 But it's everything.
02:10:16.000 It's the leg, the hoof, the arm.
02:10:20.000 You know, what do you think?
02:10:20.000 What happens to a leg when somebody gets into a car accident, a 405?
02:10:24.000 What do you think happens to the leg?
02:10:26.000 You think they take it home? 1.00
02:10:27.000 Fuck no. 1.00
02:10:27.000 They call Hormel first. 1.00
02:10:29.000 They go, Hormel, we got a black leg for you. 0.53
02:10:32.000 It's about 300 pounds.
02:10:33.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:10:34.000 Yeah, we'll call you back in five minutes.
02:10:36.000 Then they call White Castle.
02:10:37.000 Listen, we got a deal for you.
02:10:40.000 Then they hang up with him.
02:10:43.000 Could you imagine?
02:10:45.000 And they call Steakums and they send that leg over. 0.99
02:10:47.000 What do you think they're going to do with that big fucking leg that weighs 300 pounds? 0.99
02:10:52.000 You think they just put that leg away? 1.00
02:10:54.000 Fuck no. 1.00
02:10:55.000 That's what you eat. 1.00
02:10:56.000 Could you imagine if they found out that people were grinding up people they found in the morgue and making hot dogs out of them? 1.00
02:11:05.000 Boy, fucking... 1.00
02:11:06.000 Imagine if that was true! 1.00
02:11:07.000 Fucking Roy DeMayo was killing people, and he had a friend that had a supermarket that owed him money. 1.00
02:11:12.000 So at night, he'd go kill him in the supermarket and put him in the meat grinder. 1.00
02:11:15.000 And the next day, people would come in and put their meat. 1.00
02:11:18.000 What the fuck were you eating? 0.99
02:11:19.000 What do you think was left over in there? 1.00
02:11:20.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
02:11:21.000 He ground people up. 1.00
02:11:22.000 What do you think was left over in there?
02:11:23.000 Yeah, for a couple of his murders, he had a guy that owed him money for Shylocking. 0.98
02:11:29.000 Wasn't he draining people?
02:11:31.000 Draining people, hanging them upside down and draining people.
02:11:33.000 The other guy from the Gambino's owned a chain of supermarkets.
02:11:38.000 Did you know that?
02:11:39.000 The other guy from the Gambino's owned great white auto. 0.99
02:11:46.000 Remember when you were in Queens and shit? 1.00
02:11:48.000 They have those people that balance your tires and shit? 1.00
02:11:50.000 He owned all of them. 0.99
02:11:52.000 Well, they bought into legit businesses.
02:11:53.000 That was a good way to declare income.
02:11:55.000 The other guy had, the guy that, the heavy guy, Conti or something, that guy was a known heroin dealer.
02:12:00.000 He was on the board of directors of noose bombs of a supermarket. 1.00
02:12:03.000 You want me to tell you what this motherfucker did? 0.99
02:12:06.000 They had about 30 restaurants, they had about 30 supermarkets in the Jersey area. 0.99
02:12:11.000 And one day he just called local 202 carpenters and said, do me a favor, go to every supermarket and add an aisle.
02:12:20.000 So every supermarket had an aisle that whatever they took went directly to the mom.
02:12:26.000 Whoa! 0.71
02:12:27.000 So they had 13 supermarkets.
02:12:29.000 Like aisle number 5 wasn't really aisle number 5. Nobody knew about aisle number 5. So whatever was bought in that aisle, that cash went upstairs for 13 supermarkets on a daily basis.
02:12:42.000 They were just going to a supermarket and add two lanes and go, we don't even, don't worry about those two lanes. 1.00
02:12:48.000 How fucking bizarre is that shit? 0.99
02:12:53.000 It's crazy that the FBI and all the people, various law enforcement organizations figured out a way to crack that and break it down. 1.00
02:13:01.000 They cracked it after they made $10 million.
02:13:04.000 Then they cracked it.
02:13:05.000 You know who lives in Studio City, bro?
02:13:07.000 Who?
02:13:07.000 I just met him at this coffee shop about three months ago and I talk to him all the time and I'm about to sick him loose on people.
02:13:13.000 Sick him loose on people.
02:13:15.000 Who?
02:13:16.000 The last godfather in this country was a guy by the name of Joe something.
02:13:20.000 Big fat guy.
02:13:21.000 He came out and he made everybody shut the... 1.00
02:13:23.000 He was fucking genius, Joe. 1.00
02:13:24.000 Came out of jail, made everybody shut the social clubs. 1.00
02:13:27.000 Everybody had to have a job.
02:13:30.000 Everybody had to have a job.
02:13:31.000 No drugs.
02:13:32.000 Everybody stuck to it.
02:13:33.000 They were doing phenomenal.
02:13:34.000 He was doing phenomenal, Joe Messina.
02:13:37.000 But somebody was shaking down a restaurant and he went in there and they were giving him $20,000 a week for security.
02:13:45.000 So they couldn't figure out how to get Messino because he wasn't doing anything outside, and they got this forensic accountant to go in there, and they shut down the mob, this guy. 0.97
02:13:56.000 Well, this guy retired, lives in fucking Studio City.
02:13:59.000 We were talking to him one day, he goes, for a thousand bucks, somebody gives you a hard time, you have the right to go in there and look at their books. 1.00
02:14:08.000 He goes, don't bring none of these fucking white idiots from Hollywood. 1.00
02:14:12.000 Bring me. 1.00
02:14:14.000 Because I'll find everything in there, plus I'll make them a deal if they don't pay you. 1.00
02:14:18.000 I call my friends at the fucking IRS, and I'll have them here within a day looking through your asshole. 1.00
02:14:24.000 So we're ready to sick motherfuckers. 1.00
02:14:26.000 I got one guy I'm ready to sick him on. 1.00
02:14:29.000 He keeps telling me, oh, we haven't made any money.
02:14:31.000 Keep it up. 1.00
02:14:32.000 Keep it up, because I'm going to sick this little fucking... 1.00
02:14:34.000 And this guy's one of those, he's not even Jewish. 1.00
02:14:37.000 He's just crazy and white. 1.00
02:14:39.000 But for a thousand bucks, he'll go in there. 0.99
02:14:41.000 And he was the same guy that brought down thousands of people for the FBI. When they can't figure you out, forensic fucking accounting, you're done. 0.99
02:14:50.000 The math better add up, Jack. 1.00
02:14:52.000 Jesus Christ.
02:14:53.000 Whoa.
02:14:53.000 So anybody who gives you guys a hard time, we don't know.
02:14:56.000 We haven't sold a lot of them.
02:14:58.000 Thousand bucks. 0.99
02:14:59.000 And he'll go in there and he's fucking... 0.99
02:15:01.000 When you look at him, he's one of those white dudes that did 30 years in the Marines that he's pretty serious. 1.00
02:15:06.000 He goes, I'll rip them fucking open for you. 0.99
02:15:09.000 I'll find every dime and then I'll make them an offer they can't refuse. 1.00
02:15:14.000 They got three days to give you a check for the un-whatever or we contact our buddies in the IRS and I'll have them here in 24 hours to look in your asshole until they find something. 0.99
02:15:26.000 Is that true? 0.99
02:15:26.000 Can you really do that? 0.99
02:15:28.000 You can call the IRS and go, hey man.
02:15:31.000 Wait till you see the end of the year. 0.99
02:15:33.000 Wait till all these people who've been talking shit about Trump. 1.00
02:15:36.000 You think Kathy Griffiths, they're not going to get in her ass and anybody else? 1.00
02:15:39.000 You watch. 0.99
02:15:40.000 I don't trust Trump when it comes to something like that.
02:15:42.000 I'm not saying he's a bad dude or anything like that.
02:15:44.000 What I'm saying is, Trump's one of those dudes you really don't want to mess with.
02:15:48.000 I believe that if people want to put pressure on you, they could get you to the IRS. I think agencies have been doing it for years.
02:15:56.000 I shouldn't even have said Trump.
02:15:57.000 What did you guys think of this Charlottesville stuff and his reaction to it?
02:16:01.000 I think he's just a big failure, man.
02:16:04.000 What did you feel like when it was all...
02:16:06.000 He fumbled on what I thought was like two levels like so there's the There's the leadership like presidential level right where you go like this is the office that we look to and then there's like the person so I think He's it's weird how he makes you know everything is about him and and he even started one of those Press conferences and it went into like how the economy is doing so like I think it's hard to view that dude morally as
02:16:36.000 somebody that you would enjoy being around as a person.
02:16:41.000 I actually get what he was trying to do with his criticizing Antifa and stuff.
02:16:52.000 The lack of savviness is even maybe more in not knowing.
02:16:58.000 This is a time where you do this and not that.
02:17:01.000 That's also something you're like, wow.
02:17:03.000 He just feels like he's totally unfit for the job, in my opinion.
02:17:09.000 Well, I also feel like when you're the president, the workload must be impossible to imagine before you get in there. 0.99
02:17:17.000 And then once you get in there, you're dealing with all these pressures, all these super important decisions, and all these different areas, and then some new shit comes up. 0.97
02:17:26.000 I really think, and I'm not even saying this as critical of, like, I don't like him, I really think He is, and only a few other people can experience this, is truly like holy shit with what this job entails. 0.97
02:17:38.000 I think so too. 0.95
02:17:39.000 I think it's really like one of those things where he's like, wow.
02:17:43.000 And you can see that he's constantly, like he always refers to the campaign still.
02:17:46.000 Always.
02:17:47.000 In any conversation, he'll talk about, like, I beat those guys.
02:17:50.000 Yeah.
02:17:51.000 Because I think that's the part that he enjoyed.
02:17:53.000 He enjoyed the competition...
02:17:55.000 Good old days.
02:17:55.000 ...of the campaign.
02:17:56.000 And I think, like...
02:17:57.000 And then, you know, he's always bringing up, like, oh, the new...
02:18:00.000 But the Dow was setting records for months and months and months.
02:18:03.000 But, like, he'll still...
02:18:04.000 You know, tweets will be about that or interviews will be about that.
02:18:07.000 He can't...
02:18:11.000 I think there probably is a connection, though, between the Dow being up and him being in office and people thinking that he's friendly to business.
02:18:19.000 I think business markets love it.
02:18:20.000 There's definitely no doubt about that.
02:18:21.000 But there's also no doubt that unemployment was at record lows and setting records before him.
02:18:26.000 And the Dow has been breaking, has been on an upswing for years now.
02:18:30.000 Isn't that how it always is?
02:18:31.000 Presidents always come in and take advantage of the upward...
02:18:35.000 Of course. 1.00
02:18:36.000 He's not the first guy to fuck with that. 0.99
02:18:39.000 But the economy does come in these ebbs and flows. 0.99
02:18:41.000 It does come in ebbs and flows, and the market inevitably, at least in the history of it, always comes back.
02:18:47.000 Always comes back.
02:18:48.000 Even if you stayed through Black Monday, the market still eventually comes back. 1.00
02:18:54.000 I'm too stupid to understand that. 1.00
02:18:56.000 I'm too stupid to get the market. 1.00
02:18:58.000 No, you're not. 1.00
02:18:59.000 No, no, no.
02:18:59.000 I mean, I am in the sense that I'm not really interested in pursuing those lines of thought.
02:19:03.000 Oh, I get that.
02:19:03.000 That's different.
02:19:04.000 My brain is just like, yeah, this seems like a pot of shit to me. 1.00
02:19:08.000 I gotta get out of here. 0.99
02:19:09.000 If I tell you something, guys, you're not gonna believe this.
02:19:11.000 I don't know anything that'll happen.
02:19:13.000 A stock market's strange.
02:19:14.000 No, no, no, no.
02:19:15.000 I know some white supremacist or somebody showed up.
02:19:17.000 Oh, Charlottesville.
02:19:18.000 I don't pay attention to them.
02:19:19.000 I had to disconnect myself.
02:19:21.000 I don't watch World...
02:19:22.000 You call my house...
02:19:24.000 Well, let me tell you what happened.
02:19:24.000 Let me tell you what happened.
02:19:25.000 These guys were doing a J.Crew photo shoot.
02:19:28.000 And they finished. 0.96
02:19:29.000 What happens is that spray that makes everybody gay, that they put on frogs, they're now using at J.Crew. 0.90
02:19:35.000 Like, you know, like Amber Crombie and Fitch does. 0.99
02:19:37.000 As you walk in and they hit you with that gay frog spray. 1.00
02:19:41.000 You know what I'm talking about? 1.00
02:19:42.000 No.
02:19:42.000 It makes you get it.
02:19:43.000 So a bunch of dudes got crazy, tattooed swastikas on themselves, took their shirts off.
02:19:49.000 They're all walking around with citronella candles that they got from a hardware store. 0.99
02:19:53.000 That was the stupidest part of it all. 0.99
02:19:55.000 They had torches that they were walking on the street with. 1.00
02:19:59.000 Come on, you guys are walking around with lawn torches. 1.00
02:20:02.000 They're pussies. 1.00
02:20:03.000 They didn't even make the Frankenstein ones. 1.00
02:20:05.000 Where you get the fucking blanket dipping in fucking gas and run and chase crack and stuff. 1.00
02:20:10.000 They use those fucking mosquito repellents and shit. 1.00
02:20:13.000 Listen, dawg, I'll tell you what, this is... 1.00
02:20:15.000 You know what, man?
02:20:16.000 I have so many things on my plate, I had to stop.
02:20:20.000 And I'm going to tell you something else.
02:20:22.000 I had to sit my wife down like a man and tell her that CSNBC was not allowed in the house no more. 1.00
02:20:29.000 My wife is very political. 1.00
02:20:30.000 I know how to cut her off.
02:20:32.000 Like, I can't have it.
02:20:33.000 Too much drama.
02:20:33.000 It gets overwhelming.
02:20:34.000 I can't have the talk at the table.
02:20:36.000 You know, we would go out to dinner and somebody would bring something up and I had to kick her under the table and I feel bad. 0.99
02:20:42.000 Listen, I don't want to talk about that shit. 1.00
02:20:44.000 There's no reason to talk about that shit anymore. 1.00
02:20:45.000 You know how you hear that expression more than you know as a kid where people are like, never bring up Politics or religion. 0.99
02:20:51.000 Or religion.
02:20:51.000 Right?
02:20:51.000 And as a kid, you're like, I don't understand why that.
02:20:54.000 But this is, I feel like, the age where it becomes the most clear.
02:20:58.000 And at the time, where you're like, oh, we can actually probably have a good time if no one talks about these.
02:21:05.000 And it always comes out, guys, you can't see four people talk for five minutes about anything without somebody bringing something up political.
02:21:12.000 Yeah.
02:21:12.000 And you know what?
02:21:13.000 At the end of the week, dog, you still got to get up and go to work.
02:21:16.000 You still got to get up with groceries. 1.00
02:21:17.000 You still got to wipe your ass. 1.00
02:21:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:21:19.000 All this knowledge and GOPs and SODs. 1.00
02:21:22.000 I grew up in Hudson County, New Jersey, which comes in two to Cook County, Illinois.
02:21:27.000 Yeah.
02:21:28.000 So I learned about politics in a micro.
02:21:31.000 What's the smaller one?
02:21:32.000 Micro situation.
02:21:34.000 And it's a horrible thing.
02:21:36.000 I benefited from it.
02:21:37.000 I had no-show jobs.
02:21:39.000 I had to rip down signs.
02:21:40.000 You had no-show jobs?
02:21:41.000 Yeah.
02:21:41.000 I had a no-show job at Horace Mann School when I was a kid.
02:21:44.000 I would go in there once a week and pick up a check and laugh at the old janitors.
02:21:48.000 I never moved a desk.
02:21:50.000 My car mine got me the job, got arrested.
02:21:55.000 I saw it at a level and it never interested me. 1.00
02:21:58.000 I was like, these people are fucking pukes. 1.00
02:22:00.000 They're fucking pukes with suits on. 1.00
02:22:02.000 You know, before you guys were talking about taxpayer money, I want to see the addendum for the 12 fucking idiots that sit there with suits that are old and white and they sit there and, you know, 12 hours to make a decision. 1.00
02:22:16.000 That's where our money goes. 1.00
02:22:17.000 You know, you don't know about bureaucracy.
02:22:20.000 Until my mother died.
02:22:22.000 That's when I learned about bureaucracy at 15. That's why I don't like it.
02:22:26.000 Because my mother died.
02:22:27.000 I couldn't even collect Social Security without coming up with 92 sheets of paper. 1.00
02:22:31.000 That's a fucking Social Security fucking number. 1.00
02:22:33.000 That's a fucking name. 1.00
02:22:35.000 And that's when she died. 1.00
02:22:36.000 And that's a death certificate. 1.00
02:22:38.000 Give me my fucking money. 1.00
02:22:39.000 Oh no. 1.00
02:22:40.000 Oh no.
02:22:41.000 It's another letter and another meeting.
02:22:43.000 And you paid your taxes.
02:22:46.000 You paid for this. 1.00
02:22:47.000 This is your fucking hard-earned money. 1.00
02:22:50.000 That's when you learn that it's all bullshit. 1.00
02:22:53.000 This is all bullshit. 1.00
02:22:55.000 In four years, your kid's going to come to you and go, Daddy, or your daughter's going to come to you and go, I want to play basketball. 1.00
02:23:03.000 You take them down there.
02:23:05.000 They charge you $85 to sign up.
02:23:09.000 32 for the shirt, which really is worth $8 on the black market.
02:23:14.000 And then you gotta pay the sneakers, which are $100.
02:23:17.000 When I was a kid, dog, taxes were low.
02:23:19.000 I went to Union City, I told them I want to play basketball.
02:23:22.000 They put you on a team, they give you a shirt, and you play it every week for free.
02:23:26.000 It didn't cost you anything. 1.00
02:23:28.000 Look at the fucking... 1.00
02:23:29.000 I don't even know about taxes or anything, Joe. 1.00
02:23:33.000 All I know about is when I go buy a plane ticket.
02:23:36.000 And I look at those prices and I go, what about the family or two that isn't doing that well?
02:23:41.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:23:42.000 What about the fucking... 1.00
02:23:43.000 If I was really tax... 1.00
02:23:46.000 I have felonies.
02:23:47.000 I can't vote.
02:23:48.000 So I don't even let that thing go on my mind.
02:23:50.000 What about the $50 I got to pay for parking when I go to a UFC event? 0.99
02:23:54.000 What about the fucking $184 for a fucking Laker ticket? 1.00
02:23:59.000 Or the $100 for a fucking baseball ticket? 1.00
02:24:01.000 When does it end? 1.00
02:24:02.000 That's what I'm concerned about. 0.98
02:24:03.000 I don't give a fuck about anything else. 1.00
02:24:06.000 I want them to bomb fucking ISIS now! 1.00
02:24:08.000 Today! 1.00
02:24:10.000 But everything else for me applies to the American family.
02:24:13.000 That the American family does not stand a chance in this country no more. 0.60
02:24:17.000 If your wife works and you have to pay daycare, what are you bringing home? 1.00
02:24:22.000 What are you clearing after daycare?
02:24:25.000 Somebody was telling me for summer camp in Studio City, it's 200 a week.
02:24:33.000 That's $800 a month for the average person. 0.99
02:24:35.000 What's the average person making this fucking country, Joe Rogan? 1.00
02:24:38.000 So your taxes are getting used for shit. 1.00
02:24:42.000 Our taxes are getting used for shit. 1.00
02:24:47.000 Shit. 1.00
02:24:48.000 Because they're not going to where they're supposed to go. 1.00
02:24:51.000 $800 a month is like, what is that like?
02:24:54.000 9,000?
02:24:55.000 That's 9,600 a year.
02:24:57.000 That's a lot of money.
02:24:58.000 And the girl was telling me that her son has to volunteer and help other kids to get that rate.
02:25:05.000 Scrutio City.
02:25:06.000 I just was telling them, kindergarten at Monarch is $34,000.
02:25:12.000 What?
02:25:13.000 In the valley.
02:25:15.000 And, you know, don't even mind the other two where Denzel's daughter went to school.
02:25:19.000 Oh, my God.
02:25:19.000 Oh, and by the way, we're talking about all this like it's a big deal.
02:25:22.000 If we were living in Manhattan, that would be a goddamn bargain. 0.99
02:25:25.000 That would be a bargain. 0.99
02:25:25.000 A bargain. 0.99
02:25:26.000 A bargain. 0.99
02:25:27.000 That's what I, when I think about politics, I think about people who are fucking struggling. 0.99
02:25:32.000 That have two children and they can't go to a Dodger game. 0.99
02:25:35.000 How many fucking baseball games did you go to as a kid? 0.99
02:25:38.000 Right. 1.00
02:25:38.000 I can't tell you how many I went to as a kid. 1.00
02:25:40.000 Yeah.
02:25:41.000 Yeah.
02:25:42.000 But these families cannot afford a Dodger game. 1.00
02:25:45.000 Bro, I'm a fucking savage. 1.00
02:25:47.000 My uncle loves baseball. 1.00
02:25:48.000 He's an old man. 0.95
02:25:49.000 I would go to Costco and for $50 I get two tickets, two hot dogs, two sodas and a parking spot. 1.00
02:25:54.000 I don't care about the fucking game. 0.99
02:25:56.000 I take him. 1.00
02:25:57.000 He's 74. Once Magic took over the Dodgers, they don't give you that deal no more.
02:26:02.000 You know what it seems like?
02:26:03.000 It's like if you have a giant population like we do in LA, and something like a Dodger ticket or something, even though it's a giant number of people, it's still a small percentage of this huge population.
02:26:14.000 I guess they just realize, anybody who does this realizes, you just jack it up higher, you're going to get a smaller percentage of people, but there's still enough people.
02:26:22.000 Right, exactly.
02:26:23.000 So they're like, why would we do that?
02:26:25.000 Let's just do that.
02:26:26.000 Let's just make more.
02:26:27.000 And then if you...
02:26:27.000 You know how it is when you go to a theater or something like that.
02:26:29.000 Yep.
02:26:30.000 It's got to be twice that if there's some sort of a baseball game or something like that.
02:26:35.000 Oh, man.
02:26:35.000 Or one of those huge stadiums.
02:26:36.000 Think about all the people that have to get paid.
02:26:38.000 All the people that are working there while you're working there.
02:26:40.000 Like, just a giant staff of humans that have to keep that thing running smooth.
02:26:44.000 Yeah, but what about the American family that flies and wants to get a thing of water that's $4.50 for a bottle of water.
02:26:51.000 Do I know how much they charge you?
02:26:52.000 I thought the water was for...
02:26:53.000 They give you a cup of water.
02:26:54.000 A cup of water.
02:26:55.000 What if...
02:26:56.000 And then when you go through TSA, you can't bring the water through.
02:27:00.000 You can't, but if you can buy water on the other side. 0.99
02:27:04.000 But what if, Joe Rogan, you're just barely getting by, and you have three fucking kids, and it's three dollars of fucking water. 1.00
02:27:10.000 I mean, that's the shit that has always concerned me. 1.00
02:27:13.000 The small guy. 1.00
02:27:15.000 The fucking guy that wants to take... 1.00
02:27:16.000 The guy that works, he's divorced, he pays child support, he wants to take his kid to a Dodger game. 1.00
02:27:21.000 And for him to get a ticket, he's got to sit with gangbangers and wear a helmet and a fucking bodyguard fucking suit. 0.98
02:27:27.000 And you know you can smoke pot in that at Dodger Stadium. 0.99
02:27:30.000 Really?
02:27:30.000 There's a little section, supposedly, that you walk to the left and people are sparking over there.
02:27:35.000 Is that true, Jamie?
02:27:36.000 I don't know.
02:27:37.000 Let's just pretend it is.
02:27:38.000 Make it happen.
02:27:39.000 Just do it, man.
02:27:40.000 If anybody would let it go, it's L.A. Right?
02:27:43.000 Yeah.
02:27:43.000 He's got more tolerance for weed than L.A. Yeah, L.A.'s.
02:27:46.000 Did you see that video? 0.99
02:27:46.000 I don't know where the fuck it happened. 0.99
02:27:48.000 I think it was on the Instagram feed, Clownin' the Homie. 0.99
02:27:51.000 I don't know if you know that one.
02:27:52.000 They always have some fun stuff up there.
02:27:55.000 But there's a big, giant white guy. 1.00
02:27:57.000 This black cop beats the fuck out of him. 1.00
02:28:00.000 Tasers him. 1.00
02:28:01.000 Beats the fuck out of him with a club. 0.98
02:28:02.000 And then, eventually, they tasered him from behind. 0.96
02:28:05.000 Another guy got him.
02:28:06.000 He fell and banged his head off the ground.
02:28:07.000 And the whole time, the guy was saying, like, I am not fighting you.
02:28:10.000 I'm not fighting you.
02:28:11.000 And they just... 0.98
02:28:15.000 That job, and I've said it a million times, is not for everybody, and it's one of the most difficult fucking jobs in the world. 0.99
02:28:22.000 Being a cop? 0.98
02:28:23.000 Yep.
02:28:23.000 And what we're seeing when we're seeing, like, that guy that shot that woman in the alley, this guy getting beat up, By this metal pipe.
02:28:31.000 The Baltimore cops planting fucking evidence. 1.00
02:28:34.000 Planting drugs. 1.00
02:28:34.000 How long you know me, Joe Rogan? 1.00
02:28:36.000 20 years.
02:28:36.000 I did time.
02:28:37.000 Another years of ever.
02:28:38.000 Ever.
02:28:38.000 Ever.
02:28:39.000 You've heard me say some crazy shit. 1.00
02:28:41.000 Crazy shit. 1.00
02:28:42.000 But you've never heard me say the word pig. 1.00
02:28:44.000 No.
02:28:45.000 Never.
02:28:46.000 Never.
02:28:46.000 I have the utmost respect for police officers.
02:28:48.000 It's a small percentage of people.
02:28:50.000 They have a stressful job, but something's going on now.
02:28:53.000 It's not just stressful.
02:28:55.000 What about two days ago, the nine minutes with the gun to the black couple while he was getting his license, and they kept saying, please put the gun away. 0.99
02:29:02.000 And the guy held the gun there and shit like that. 0.98
02:29:04.000 This is happening constantly. 0.99
02:29:05.000 That's so scary. 0.99
02:29:06.000 And then I love when if they shoot a black person, they just get like the black DA to go up there and say, why don't we look? 1.00
02:29:12.000 This year they beat up that black retarded kid downtown. 1.00
02:29:14.000 Eight cops to beat up a black retard. 1.00
02:29:17.000 And then the fucking kid died, and they said it's the fucking black kid's fault. 1.00
02:29:21.000 He's fucking retarded. 1.00
02:29:22.000 Eight cops on top of him, beating him. 1.00
02:29:24.000 But this goes on constantly. 0.97
02:29:25.000 And you know what's gonna happen, and you fucking know what's gonna happen. 0.98
02:29:29.000 You know exactly what's gonna fucking happen. 1.00
02:29:31.000 Two or three years from now, all it takes is three angry black guys. 1.00
02:29:36.000 Three angry black guys with a surplus to spread the word. 1.00
02:29:39.000 It was done with the Black Panthers. 0.96
02:29:40.000 It was done for years. 0.99
02:29:42.000 Three angry black guys. 1.00
02:29:43.000 And they're going to fucking start going around in cities and saying there's a fire. 1.00
02:29:48.000 And when all these cops show up, they're going to be on roofs and they're going to open up on them. 0.98
02:29:52.000 This is going to happen in American cities.
02:29:54.000 It already happened in Dallas.
02:29:56.000 It already happened in Dallas this year. 0.99
02:29:59.000 So don't fucking tell me this is going to happen. 0.99
02:30:02.000 Three black guys that went to the service, that got weapons, like I told you. 1.00
02:30:06.000 Unless you're retarded, you can't get weapons today. 1.00
02:30:08.000 I'll get you whatever the fuck you want. 1.00
02:30:10.000 I'll get you something in an hour. 1.00
02:30:12.000 An hour I'll get you something to go fight. 1.00
02:30:14.000 I believe you. 0.99
02:30:15.000 So never mind assault rifles and shit like that. 1.00
02:30:18.000 That's all you need is five assault rifles and say that a woman is getting raped at the end of fucking Cherokee Street and wait for 20 cops to come and open up on them, dog. 1.00
02:30:28.000 All head shots. 1.00
02:30:29.000 Head shots and leg shots. 0.83
02:30:31.000 That's gonna happen eventually because this cannot continue. 0.67
02:30:34.000 This cannot continue.
02:30:36.000 I think most people that become cops have a very difficult time doing it.
02:30:41.000 I think for some people, it's unmanageable.
02:30:43.000 And I think if you think about all the interactions that all the police officers have with all the people all day long, all across the country, The vast majority of it is inconsequential.
02:30:53.000 It's people, traffic violations, little things here and there.
02:30:57.000 But there's going to be a percentage.
02:30:59.000 What is that percentage?
02:31:00.000 Is it even 1%?
02:31:01.000 I don't know what it is.
02:31:02.000 But if that 1% gets online, we focus on that 1%.
02:31:06.000 So whether it's that guy planting drugs in Baltimore, or these guys beating up this giant white guy.
02:31:11.000 The guy was giant.
02:31:12.000 But he wasn't threatening them in any way. 0.99
02:31:14.000 He just didn't want these guys fucking tanger in him. 1.00
02:31:16.000 Yeah. 0.97
02:31:18.000 I think there's just way too few people that are capable of navigating the waters of that kind of job.
02:31:25.000 I think that kind of job is almost, it's almost as bad, or as difficult, rather, as being in the military.
02:31:32.000 Your life is on the line.
02:31:34.000 You're at risk all the time, constantly.
02:31:37.000 You know, people will call you a cop-apologist if you looked at it like that. 0.99
02:31:40.000 Listen, man, if the shit goes down, someone's breaking into your house, you're calling the cops, man. 0.99
02:31:45.000 Okay? 1.00
02:31:45.000 That's what they're here for. 1.00
02:31:47.000 And to pretend that you don't need them is, you're crazy. 0.92
02:31:49.000 Okay, maybe someday we won't.
02:31:51.000 But right now, you need cops.
02:31:53.000 For sure.
02:31:55.000 No, you definitely do, man.
02:31:56.000 They need each other.
02:31:57.000 They need cops, too. 0.85
02:31:58.000 And they know it.
02:31:58.000 And they see it more than you do.
02:32:00.000 Because they're the ones who respond to murders and armed robberies and rapes.
02:32:05.000 They're the ones who have to show up and handle car accidents on the highway.
02:32:09.000 I mean, how much special training do they have?
02:32:11.000 Do they get to deal with bodies that are torn apart? 1.00
02:32:13.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:32:13.000 How much special training? 1.00
02:32:14.000 No, I know.
02:32:15.000 I'm not sure.
02:32:16.000 I'm not sure you could even adequately train a person.
02:32:20.000 Some people can handle it, period. 0.99
02:32:21.000 But there's some people, they see some dark shit and they just don't recover. 0.99
02:32:26.000 And then you ask those people to just keep pulling people over. 0.99
02:32:29.000 But I also think that they should train the cops a little more. 1.00
02:32:31.000 I see a lot of dumb shit in LA. I don't think they have the money. 1.00
02:32:34.000 I think I agree with you, though.
02:32:35.000 I agree with you. 1.00
02:32:36.000 I see a lot of dumb shit in LA, bro. 1.00
02:32:39.000 You know, at times you're on Hollywood Boulevard, bumper to bumper, and you go to see what it is, and it's a Fucking cop, double parked, giving a homeless guy a hard time. 1.00
02:32:46.000 Pull the cop in you. 1.00
02:32:48.000 Pull the car in, you fucking scumbag. 1.00
02:32:50.000 Can't you tell it's four o'clock when there's fucking traffic? 1.00
02:32:52.000 They don't care. 1.00
02:32:53.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00
02:32:54.000 You know? 1.00
02:32:54.000 One day I yelled. 1.00
02:32:55.000 One day I yelled from the car.
02:32:56.000 And they looked at me.
02:32:57.000 I yelled.
02:32:58.000 Really, guys?
02:32:59.000 Eight in the morning? 0.99
02:33:00.000 Double fucking parked? 0.99
02:33:02.000 Really? 1.00
02:33:03.000 No fucking genius here? 1.00
02:33:05.000 And there's smoke coming out of his mouth while he's screaming. 1.00
02:33:07.000 Oh, you think I'm fucking kidding you? 0.99
02:33:09.000 You think I'm fucking kidding you? 1.00
02:33:10.000 Yeah, I say shit. 1.00
02:33:11.000 Because it's true. 1.00
02:33:12.000 Come on, it's common sense.
02:33:13.000 Yeah, of course.
02:33:13.000 You want to give me a ticket?
02:33:14.000 When we go to court, we'll talk about it.
02:33:16.000 And now we all got phones. 1.00
02:33:18.000 Now we all got fucking phones and videos and the whole fucking deal. 1.00
02:33:21.000 That's what's very dangerous, is these laws against people filming cops while they're doing shit. 1.00
02:33:25.000 Like, you can't have that. 0.93
02:33:27.000 Is that really a law, though?
02:33:28.000 Yes, it is.
02:33:29.000 There are several places where it is illegal to film cops while they're doing things.
02:33:34.000 Wow.
02:33:35.000 I don't think it is.
02:33:36.000 Federally, it's not?
02:33:39.000 I know for sure the police have tried to tell people it's not, but I'm pretty sure...
02:33:43.000 Am I spreading fake news?
02:33:44.000 I know that they can...
02:33:45.000 Let's find out if that's the case.
02:33:48.000 Are there places where it's illegal to film the cops?
02:33:51.000 I know they can tell you, like if there's a situation going down...
02:33:54.000 I felt like I was lying when I said that.
02:33:56.000 They can tell you that they need a certain bit of space, but I don't think they can tell you to stop filming.
02:34:02.000 Hmm, that's interesting.
02:34:03.000 I was on a plane a couple weeks ago to Vegas and there was an altercation. 0.98
02:34:08.000 And there were these fucking smart kids and the cops kept telling them they had to get off. 0.99
02:34:12.000 And they were shooting the cops and telling them that it was their right to get off. 0.99
02:34:28.000 Okay, well that's...
02:34:46.000 So that seems like maybe what I was reading was about people that got arrested for it.
02:34:52.000 So the cops were arresting them for it, but even though it's not really illegal?
02:34:55.000 And they can still arrest you for a lot of things, but then you go to court and you figure out the arrest and all that kind of stuff.
02:35:00.000 So if a cop arrests you for not listening to him, so say if a cop is arresting someone and you're filming it because he's kicking this guy's ass, and you start filming it and the cop says, if you do not put that camera down, I will arrest you, they can still arrest you.
02:35:13.000 Yeah, they can say you're obstructing justice or whatever it is. 0.86
02:35:15.000 Right.
02:35:16.000 The only reason they would say not to turn the camera off is if he's doing something wrong.
02:35:20.000 So I got you there, right there. 0.72
02:35:22.000 It's like fucking hard to stay on the right path and not go straight Dirty Harry if some guy's trying to kill you and you're involved in some situation and then you see people filming it too. 1.00
02:35:33.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
02:35:34.000 I wouldn't want to navigate any of the shit that cops have to go through on a daily basis. 1.00
02:35:39.000 Me neither. 0.99
02:35:39.000 Me neither, but they also have to... 0.99
02:35:43.000 They gotta clean it up a little bit.
02:35:46.000 And when they do something wrong, and we watch it on film, they can't tell us that the cop was justified to do something.
02:35:54.000 Of course. 0.99
02:35:54.000 I mean, there was a lot of shit going on. 0.99
02:35:56.000 I mean, there was 37 murders in Chicago last weekend, wasn't there? 1.00
02:36:00.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:36:00.000 39 shootings, 39 murders. 1.00
02:36:03.000 Something crazy like that.
02:36:04.000 I mean, you know, and those places are high level, but...
02:36:07.000 There's a lot of times I've seen cops act a little too much for what the situation caused.
02:36:13.000 I grew up in Jersey. 0.99
02:36:14.000 Where cops come in, they talk to you, they ask you, they separate you, and they determine if this was even worth the fucking angle. 0.97
02:36:22.000 These guys today, they'll come in, even if we do something at the store, they'll come in the store and investigate them for what? 0.96
02:36:29.000 What did you do? 0.99
02:36:30.000 Go fucking chase somebody. 1.00
02:36:31.000 Go chase a fucking bank robber. 1.00
02:36:33.000 The day after 9-11, I pulled into fucking 7-11, and a guy had pulled over the line, okay? 1.00
02:36:41.000 You know, his car pulled over the line, so my car was over the line, the guy next to me, and the whole cars. 0.98
02:36:46.000 I pulled in.
02:36:47.000 I was six inches over a handicap thing on the blue line.
02:36:51.000 Yeah.
02:36:51.000 Cotton made a U-turn and came and gave me a $458 ticket.
02:36:54.000 Fuck. 0.99
02:36:54.000 I understood I was wrong, but we just blew up the World Trade Center. 0.99
02:36:58.000 You ain't got nothing better to do.
02:37:01.000 You ain't got nothing better to do. 1.00
02:37:04.000 You know, I see fucking kinky shit all the fucking time. 1.00
02:37:08.000 I'm not involved in it, so it's got nothing to do with me. 1.00
02:37:11.000 Part of the problem with cops is there's a statistic number that they have to reach, right?
02:37:15.000 Like, if they believe a certain amount of traffic violations taking place in L.A., there's a strong...
02:37:32.000 There's some severe incentive.
02:37:37.000 And if you don't meet the numbers that they expect, and they in some way, shape, or form think you're not addressing some of the crimes that are being committed out there, I'm sure you get a hard time for it. 0.98
02:37:48.000 Listen, brother, when I got arrested in 87, that detective, that fucking moron from Boulder, who I liked, you know, he got me for four years and he thought he was fucking, you know, like when they locked up Gotti, the Teflon Don, 0.97
02:38:06.000 you know, what are you talking about? 0.99
02:38:08.000 You could have got me for 22 years if you would have done your homework.
02:38:12.000 If that cop would have done it just a little bit, I would have done 22 years.
02:38:17.000 You don't know how many times I sat next to him in the preliminary hearing.
02:38:20.000 And I'm like, I hope this dude don't recognize me.
02:38:23.000 I hope he don't recognize me.
02:38:24.000 Because he had come to talk to me about something else. 0.99
02:38:26.000 The same fucking cop a year earlier. 0.99
02:38:28.000 And he never put it together. 1.00
02:38:30.000 And that would have got me more into kidnapping.
02:38:32.000 So every time I saw this cop, I would sit there. 0.68
02:38:35.000 At the end, I would just call him like a big dope.
02:38:37.000 Because he was 6'4", with the big chest, with the bulletproof. 1.00
02:38:42.000 You're a dummy. 1.00
02:38:43.000 You walk around like you fucking know what you're talking about. 1.00
02:38:46.000 You're a dummy. 1.00
02:38:48.000 It's like that fucking kid a couple weeks ago that pushed that fucking little Mexican hot dog cart. 1.00
02:38:53.000 You'll never hear from him again. 1.00
02:38:55.000 Who?
02:38:55.000 That little Argentinian dude that pushed that little Mexican dude with the fruit cart.
02:39:00.000 What are you talking about?
02:39:01.000 I didn't see that.
02:39:04.000 Jesus Christ, Joe Rogan.
02:39:05.000 You watch. 0.99
02:39:06.000 Lions attacking a monkey, but you haven't seen in LA a couple weeks ago where some poor little Mexican dude was selling hot dogs on the corner and some fucking little... 1.00
02:39:16.000 He thought he was one of those dudes with the skinny jeans, with a Guns N' Roses shirt. 1.00
02:39:20.000 Him and his fat, white, ugly fucking girlfriend went up to the dude and told him to move. 1.00
02:39:25.000 You never saw this? 1.00
02:39:26.000 They told him to move.
02:39:28.000 What's this?
02:39:31.000 Oh my God, Joe Rogan. 1.00
02:39:32.000 Look at this fucking jerk-off. 1.00
02:39:35.000 Looking with a dog. 1.00
02:39:36.000 You can tell he's a fucking pussy. 1.00
02:39:41.000 What happened? 1.00
02:39:42.000 Watch.
02:39:45.000 He told him to move.
02:39:48.000 It's on, I'm not kidding.
02:39:50.000 Little spec kid turns on his camera.
02:39:54.000 Why does he want to move it?
02:39:58.000 Why? 1.00
02:39:58.000 Because he's a skinny jean guy with that dirty, filthy white animal of a girlfriend. 1.00
02:40:04.000 Look at him. 1.00
02:40:04.000 So he wants to be a tough guy with his Fidel beard. 1.00
02:40:07.000 Watch what happens, though.
02:40:18.000 But look what the Mexicans did to him. 1.00
02:40:21.000 He fucking threw that red pepper right in his fucking face. 1.00
02:40:25.000 Look, this is what... 1.00
02:40:27.000 That's what white people do. 0.98
02:40:29.000 We're calling the police. 0.96
02:40:35.000 That dude had to pick up and move.
02:40:37.000 Let me tell you what those...
02:40:38.000 You see those carts with the umbrellas?
02:40:39.000 Haven't you noticed a lot more of those carts that have the rainbow umbrella Tom Segura?
02:40:44.000 I've seen a few.
02:40:45.000 You know why?
02:40:46.000 No.
02:40:46.000 They're the cartel.
02:40:47.000 Really?
02:40:47.000 Remember years ago when you first moved to LA with Star Maps?
02:40:50.000 What's going on here at the rest of it, Jamie?
02:40:52.000 The guy takes off his shirt?
02:40:53.000 Did they get in a fight after this? 0.99
02:40:54.000 No, he fucking threw the pepper out of his face. 1.00
02:40:56.000 The fucking hot pepper. 1.00
02:40:58.000 Tremendous. 1.00
02:40:58.000 The guy just took his shirt off. 1.00
02:41:00.000 Yeah.
02:41:01.000 See?
02:41:02.000 Because he threw pepper in his face.
02:41:03.000 But he's still hanging out, like, right there.
02:41:05.000 It's weird.
02:41:06.000 Because they thought the cops were gonna come.
02:41:07.000 People came to help this little Mexican dude. 1.00
02:41:09.000 But that dude had to leave town with his fat, fucking, disgusting, filthy girlfriend with the tight jeans. 1.00
02:41:16.000 Because... 1.00
02:41:16.000 You know who runs those things? 1.00
02:41:18.000 The cartel.
02:41:18.000 That's why you see so many more...
02:41:20.000 What was his...
02:41:20.000 He just didn't like it there?
02:41:21.000 He just didn't want them there, because it's like Silver Lake, and he's special, you know?
02:41:25.000 Oh, this isn't Silver Lake? 1.00
02:41:26.000 He thinks he's a white dude, with his skinny fucking jeans, his little faggy fucking Fidel beard. 1.00
02:41:31.000 You know what I've noticed, man? 1.00
02:41:32.000 There's a lot of people that think that it's okay to be aggressive because they're in the right.
02:41:38.000 But did you see him?
02:41:39.000 He showed up with his dog.
02:41:41.000 Anytime they come with their dog, dog, ain't nothing gonna go down. 1.00
02:41:44.000 That's a pussy. 1.00
02:41:45.000 That dude was a pussy. 1.00
02:41:46.000 That poor kid... 1.00
02:41:47.000 Let me tell you something.
02:41:48.000 The cartel brings the coke up in fruit.
02:41:51.000 They chop up the fruit, then they sell the fruit.
02:41:53.000 They don't make a loss.
02:41:55.000 They have these new umbrellas everywhere, and they have them even across the street from each other.
02:42:01.000 They don't sell drugs.
02:42:02.000 That's where they make the cash drop-offs. 0.99
02:42:04.000 I've had people see them all the way from San Diego, all the way to fucking Reseda. 0.55
02:42:09.000 They're all on the main strips, and they're all confused. 0.55
02:42:12.000 That's why they're around.
02:42:13.000 So the DEA don't catch them.
02:42:15.000 They don't drop off drugs.
02:42:15.000 They just drop off an envelope with a number on it.
02:42:18.000 Number A52. That's Joe Rogan's number.
02:42:20.000 And then some guy comes that day and picks up all the envelopes and goes right to Encinitas, and that's the end of the day.
02:42:25.000 When we first got here, it was Star Maps.
02:42:29.000 That turned out to be a Spanish prostitution ring. 0.99
02:42:32.000 Was it really? 1.00
02:42:33.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
02:42:33.000 They were fucking those little Mexican kids up the ass. 1.00
02:42:36.000 They jumped the wall to stretch the muffler out. 1.00
02:42:38.000 Some white dude could fuck him in the ass on Hollywood Boulevard. 1.00
02:42:41.000 I gotta pee. 1.00
02:42:42.000 I'm trying to hold this in.
02:42:44.000 I drank too much.
02:42:45.000 I'll be right back.
02:42:46.000 You didn't know that, Doug?
02:42:47.000 No. 1.00
02:42:49.000 Fuck no, I didn't know that. 1.00
02:42:50.000 That Star Maps? 1.00
02:42:52.000 They even made a movie about it.
02:42:54.000 What?
02:42:54.000 Called Star Maps.
02:42:57.000 It really went out there with the title.
02:42:59.000 What's the...
02:43:00.000 Wait, they made a movie about it?
02:43:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:43:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:43:03.000 And this was what you could... 1.00
02:43:05.000 Look, I'm not...
02:43:05.000 Bro.
02:43:07.000 Look at the...
02:43:08.000 Look at the tagline down there, if you can read it, Tom.
02:43:10.000 Yeah.
02:43:11.000 Carlos wants to be an actor, but his father, Pepe, wants him to work in the family business, that is, male prostitution.
02:43:19.000 Carlos decides that he will be one of his father's boys until he can. 1.00
02:43:24.000 What in the fuck, man? 0.99
02:43:25.000 Yeah, it's called Star Maps. 0.99
02:43:27.000 I had no idea.
02:43:29.000 1997. That's so nuts.
02:43:31.000 No idea.
02:43:33.000 That's for people that don't know.
02:43:34.000 That's the people that sold maps to celebrity homes, right?
02:43:37.000 That was the whole idea.
02:43:38.000 They would be on Sunset.
02:43:39.000 When I first got here in 98, there was a thousand of those mooks on Sunset. 0.99
02:43:46.000 Fucking... 0.99
02:43:46.000 You know. 0.99
02:43:49.000 Yeah, in Hollywood, right?
02:43:51.000 Yeah.
02:43:53.000 They're still out there.
02:43:54.000 They still are, but just Les Hoenn is involved with that?
02:43:58.000 Well, no.
02:43:58.000 I don't see the star...
02:43:59.000 I see the star vans.
02:44:01.000 I don't see the star maps. 1.00
02:44:04.000 I don't see the fucking... 0.99
02:44:05.000 I feel so much better. 0.99
02:44:06.000 I was holding that one in.
02:44:09.000 Crazy, man. 1.00
02:44:10.000 It's fucking craziness. 1.00
02:44:11.000 And it goes fast. 1.00
02:44:13.000 It's fucking craziness. 0.99
02:44:15.000 What are you going to do with our lives? 1.00
02:44:17.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:44:17.000 What are you going to do with our lives?
02:44:19.000 That's the thing.
02:44:20.000 Where does it all go, man?
02:44:22.000 A thousand podcasts. 1.00
02:44:23.000 It's changed fucking society. 1.00
02:44:28.000 It's changed us. 1.00
02:44:30.000 It's changed us.
02:44:30.000 It's changed us, for sure.
02:44:33.000 You tap into all the people.
02:44:34.000 Think of all the people you've had on the conversations you've had with those people.
02:44:39.000 How much of that would you ever have if it wasn't for doing your podcast?
02:44:44.000 You know, it changes you.
02:44:45.000 It changes the way you think of things.
02:44:46.000 It changes me, for sure.
02:44:48.000 It changed a lot of the way I think of things, because getting a chance to sit down with people for hours and hours, uninterrupted.
02:44:55.000 No phone calls, no messages, no text messages.
02:44:58.000 And to be able to do that on a regular basis, you get to know people in a way different way.
02:45:04.000 You don't really get a chance to do that with each other that often.
02:45:08.000 To sit down and just have no distractions. 0.97
02:45:10.000 Just you and a friend having a conversation, laughing, talking shit about things. 0.96
02:45:14.000 Well, the cool thing is that's the experience people are getting listening to it. 0.98
02:45:18.000 Yeah.
02:45:19.000 That's why, you know.
02:45:19.000 How many times have we been on the road and we went to a diner afterwards and we were laughing literally until we were in tears, like falling down.
02:45:29.000 We were doing podcasts.
02:45:31.000 It was just nobody listening.
02:45:32.000 Totally true.
02:45:33.000 Crying and laughing. 0.98
02:45:35.000 You know, like the three of us at some fucking strange Nashville diner somewhere. 0.98
02:45:40.000 It totally is what happened today. 0.95
02:45:41.000 It's the same thing, man.
02:45:42.000 Exactly.
02:45:43.000 Same amount of booze.
02:45:44.000 Exactly.
02:45:45.000 Exactly.
02:45:46.000 Exactly.
02:45:46.000 No, it's so cool to replicate.
02:45:48.000 Anything left in that joint over there?
02:45:49.000 Yeah, there's definitely.
02:45:50.000 We got more. 1.00
02:45:51.000 Reefer up in this bitch. 1.00
02:45:53.000 Reefer madness. 1.00
02:45:54.000 I brought another joint.
02:45:56.000 We'll have another one.
02:45:57.000 Shout out to L.A. Speedweed. 0.64
02:45:59.000 My man, Gino.
02:46:00.000 Gino's a man.
02:46:01.000 Keeping it strong.
02:46:02.000 Keeping it strong out here.
02:46:04.000 Here we go.
02:46:05.000 You know what they gotta do, though? 1.00
02:46:06.000 They gotta be careful with these fucking things. 1.00
02:46:08.000 They give you these. 1.00
02:46:09.000 Look at this.
02:46:10.000 It's made out of actual glass.
02:46:12.000 The thing that the weed comes in, it breaks in your pocket.
02:46:15.000 Oh, that's not good.
02:46:16.000 Yeah, that's not good.
02:46:17.000 This one is superior.
02:46:19.000 It's like when you go to a bathroom at a hotel, and they give you glasses in there.
02:46:23.000 There's two glasses by the sink. 1.00
02:46:25.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
02:46:28.000 Those pretentious weed guys. 1.00
02:46:29.000 Yeah.
02:46:29.000 Oh, man.
02:46:30.000 Well, it's clearly an indica.
02:46:32.000 Probably a South American strain.
02:46:34.000 Oh, my God.
02:46:36.000 I micro-dosed the other night.
02:46:38.000 Actually, it might be B.C. It might be B.C. Yeah, so I'm pretty sure.
02:46:43.000 Pretty sure it's, like, maybe Seattle.
02:46:46.000 Maybe Seattle.
02:46:47.000 You just know it's Northwest, man.
02:46:48.000 It's Northwest.
02:46:49.000 It's, like, basically the good stuff. 0.99
02:46:51.000 Joey motherfucking Diaz. 0.99
02:46:54.000 Ladies and gentlemen. 1.00
02:46:55.000 Wow.
02:46:58.000 I forgot there's a show tonight.
02:47:03.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:47:04.000 We're gonna forget a lot of shit along the way, too. 0.98
02:47:06.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:47:07.000 I feel like it's 7 p.m.
02:47:09.000 right now. 0.99
02:47:09.000 We talked about some shit earlier that was the funniest shit I ever said in my life. 0.99
02:47:12.000 But if anybody asked me, like, how was the podcast today? 0.99
02:47:14.000 I would go, oh, dude, Joey Diaz went on a rant. 0.98
02:47:17.000 It was the funniest fucking thing I ever heard in my life. 0.98
02:47:20.000 Then he'd go, what is it about? 0.99
02:47:21.000 I'd go...
02:47:22.000 Couldn't tell you.
02:47:26.000 I also couldn't tell you what the last thing we talked about is.
02:47:29.000 Whatever that was.
02:47:30.000 Whatever it is.
02:47:31.000 I don't know what it is.
02:47:32.000 It's not that important.
02:47:34.000 It's not that important.
02:47:35.000 These things change us, man.
02:47:36.000 I know your podcast is changing you, Joey.
02:47:40.000 It's connecting you with those people that like to come out to see you in a way that nothing else has ever had before, you know?
02:47:46.000 No, the biggest thing about the podcast is it keeps me in check.
02:47:49.000 It keeps us in check.
02:47:50.000 Yeah.
02:47:51.000 We gotta stick to what we say.
02:47:52.000 Yeah.
02:47:53.000 We gotta preach what we talk about.
02:47:55.000 You know, it keeps us in check, man.
02:47:57.000 Yeah.
02:47:57.000 There's no more.
02:47:58.000 We got somebody watching this now that, you know, so it's pretty fucking interesting to me.
02:48:04.000 It does keep in check, but it's ultimately satisfying to you to just stay in check.
02:48:10.000 Think about what you're doing.
02:48:13.000 Say things that are as accurate as you possibly know.
02:48:16.000 Be honest about how you're thinking about these things, like where you're drawing your conclusions from.
02:48:21.000 People don't have a chance to do that that often.
02:48:24.000 They don't have to be accountable for their own thoughts.
02:48:27.000 Not to the level of like...
02:48:29.000 Someone who is hosting a podcast or someone who's constantly being reviewed by people.
02:48:37.000 People do hold you accountable too.
02:48:38.000 They do.
02:48:39.000 They do.
02:48:39.000 And that's what I like about it.
02:48:41.000 They should.
02:48:41.000 If I get to do a periscope in the morning and I tell people I'm going to go to jiu-jitsu today, I get 20 tweets that night.
02:48:47.000 How was it?
02:48:48.000 What did you learn? 1.00
02:48:49.000 If I go, I didn't go because, ah, you fucking pussy. 1.00
02:48:52.000 This to you guys one more time. 1.00
02:48:54.000 Hey, wait a minute.
02:48:55.000 Let me get a little more.
02:48:55.000 Listen, bro.
02:48:56.000 Let me tell you something.
02:48:56.000 The doctor told my mother to stop drinking.
02:48:59.000 She stopped drinking and 11 days later she was dead.
02:49:02.000 That's why I believe you always gotta have a shot of something, you know what I'm saying? 0.99
02:49:05.000 I'm not talking about fucking drinking a bottle at night. 0.95
02:49:08.000 I'm not a big believer in anecdotal evidence unless it benefits me. 0.98
02:49:12.000 So, in that case, I'll go with that one.
02:49:15.000 One, two, two notes ain't gonna kill nobody.
02:49:17.000 You were saying, doctors say, do this.
02:49:20.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:21.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:22.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:22.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:22.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:22.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:23.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:24.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:25.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:25.000 Suka, let me eat.
02:49:29.000 Suka, let me eat When you drink these things, like to us, it's nothing.
02:49:36.000 I love the white dudes. 0.99
02:49:39.000 I love crazy white people. 1.00
02:49:41.000 Do you? 1.00
02:49:41.000 Like, I don't like these nice white people. 1.00
02:49:43.000 I love all your criticisms of white people. 1.00
02:49:45.000 But what about Charlottesville kind of crazy white people? 0.99
02:49:47.000 Like, where do you draw the line? 0.99
02:49:49.000 I like white people who bring a bottle of bourbon, but the most important thing is they bring a bag of ice. 0.99
02:49:54.000 Because they don't want you fucking with the ice, okay? 0.99
02:49:56.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:49:57.000 When a white dude shows up with a bag of ice, that's a man of class, style, and sophistication.
02:50:02.000 That's the best when they go, no, no, no, no.
02:50:04.000 Don't put it in the freezer.
02:50:05.000 Leave it right there. 0.73
02:50:06.000 That means they drop one ice cube in there every 20 minutes and they got a time. 0.99
02:50:10.000 That's the whole thing, is the fucking ice. 0.99
02:50:13.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:50:14.000 I totally agree, man.
02:50:15.000 I love the ice.
02:50:15.000 If you go over a dude's house and he's got a walk-in humidor filled with cigars, do you go, huh?
02:50:21.000 What the fuck are you doing, man? 0.99
02:50:23.000 What are you doing with your time? 1.00
02:50:24.000 You got a walk-in humidor?
02:50:26.000 I feel like age matches up with cigars in a way that few things do.
02:50:32.000 Like, an old dude with a cigar is like, I want to hang out with him, I want to have a drink, I want to hear what he has to say. 1.00
02:50:38.000 But like a 22-year-old with a cigar, I'm like, get the fuck out of here, you douchebag. 1.00
02:50:42.000 It's like a fedora and a cigar when you're 22. There's a certain age where you're like, fuck. 1.00
02:50:47.000 White t-shirt with a leather vest. 1.00
02:50:49.000 You know who's cool smoking a cigar?
02:50:51.000 Tony Soprano.
02:50:52.000 Oh, yeah, man. 0.99
02:50:53.000 When you go, and he turn it over, you're like, I need a fucking cigar. 0.99
02:50:56.000 You know why? 0.99
02:50:57.000 I bet James Gandolfini really enjoyed smoking a cigar.
02:51:00.000 I think you're right.
02:51:00.000 So he's like actually enjoying the cigar while he's acting like he's enjoying the cigar.
02:51:05.000 I never enjoyed it, Joe Rogan. 1.00
02:51:06.000 He was a bad motherfucker. 1.00
02:51:07.000 I never enjoyed the cigar. 1.00
02:51:09.000 He was so good.
02:51:10.000 You want me to tell you something?
02:51:11.000 That's the first guy I could say that I thought a couple weeks ago I went back to my hotel room. 0.97
02:51:17.000 The fucking original getaway was on with Steve McQueen, and I forgot, bro. 0.98
02:51:21.000 I forgot. 0.99
02:51:22.000 You forget, Joe Rogan.
02:51:24.000 Look, I get tears in my eyes. 1.00
02:51:26.000 He's in the dumpster with that bitch after the thing tripped him over, and she's fucking telling them all. 1.00
02:51:33.000 He's like, whoa, we should just break waves, and she's like, whoa. 1.00
02:51:36.000 Obviously, you can't get over me having sex with somebody else or you're a mental midget. 1.00
02:51:40.000 And Steve McQueen, bro, he just grabbed her by the hand. 1.00
02:51:44.000 And then he goes back to the hotel and he shoots all those fucking rednecks. 1.00
02:51:48.000 Oh, we forget how bad Steve McQueen was. 1.00
02:51:51.000 Look at him. 1.00
02:51:52.000 Look at this fucking man of a man that he was. 1.00
02:51:57.000 There's my man, Salazzo from The Godfather. 1.00
02:52:01.000 Watch Steve McQueen with a fucking suit on. 1.00
02:52:03.000 This is 1973, dawg. 1.00
02:52:09.000 He's so smooth.
02:52:10.000 This is not the scene you gotta put on.
02:52:12.000 The scene is when he beats up Ally McGraw.
02:52:15.000 And she thought it was acting. 0.99
02:52:17.000 And he just pretty much smacked the shit out of her. 0.99
02:52:21.000 She didn't know. 1.00
02:52:22.000 But he would smack the shit out of her every other day for some reason or another. 0.99
02:52:26.000 He was like John Lynch. 0.99
02:52:28.000 Yeah.
02:52:28.000 Watch that scene, bro.
02:52:30.000 Why's that funny, Tom? 1.00
02:52:31.000 That's so fucked up. 0.99
02:52:32.000 It's so funny to hear the way Joey talks about it. 1.00
02:52:35.000 I don't believe in violence towards women. 0.79
02:52:38.000 But if I was married to Yoko Ono, you know you gotta kick her once a day. 1.00
02:52:41.000 Somewhere in the back. 0.99
02:52:42.000 In the stomach. 1.00
02:52:44.000 Shut the fuck up, you dirty bitch. 1.00
02:52:47.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:52:47.000 Now look at how beautiful this woman was. 1.00
02:52:49.000 Number one, look at the natural beauty on this fucking woman. 1.00
02:52:53.000 And look at this blonde savage of a man. 1.00
02:52:55.000 Look at him. 1.00
02:52:58.000 He's fucking over it. 0.99
02:52:58.000 So Steve McQueen gets out of the car and he just starts walking in front of the car. 0.99
02:53:03.000 Does he smack her after this?
02:53:04.000 Watch! 1.00
02:53:05.000 He has a little faggy head, dude. 1.00
02:53:07.000 Beautiful hair. 0.93
02:53:07.000 Right? 0.93
02:53:08.000 Look at him with his black suit on.
02:53:10.000 He's furious.
02:53:12.000 Fine hair.
02:53:13.000 I'd wear my hair like that.
02:53:14.000 Yes, I would.
02:53:14.000 Me too.
02:53:15.000 My hair's starting to fall.
02:53:17.000 I gotta put grazy glue.
02:53:20.000 I figured out.
02:53:21.000 You don't want to lose your ample crazy glue in the morning.
02:53:23.000 It won't go nowhere.
02:53:25.000 She's getting out of the car.
02:53:26.000 She looks upset.
02:53:28.000 Very emotional.
02:53:29.000 What year is this?
02:53:31.000 72. I was nine and I went to see this the first weekend.
02:53:34.000 My mother goes, what'd you go see?
02:53:36.000 Steve McQueen. 1.00
02:53:37.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00
02:53:39.000 Wow. 1.00
02:53:40.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
02:53:48.000 Oh, dude, he's hitting her for real.
02:53:50.000 She didn't know she was gonna get hit.
02:53:51.000 She didn't know.
02:53:58.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:53:59.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
02:54:04.000 There wasn't any way to explain it. 1.00
02:54:12.000 You said he took it off.
02:54:20.000 Jesus, man.
02:54:21.000 Yeah, when was the last time you saw this? 1.00
02:54:23.000 You gotta see this shit. 0.99
02:54:24.000 And if you really want to see her beaten, you gotta put on The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds in the beginning when he grabs her by the throat and hits her with a bottle or something. 1.00
02:54:34.000 This is...
02:54:34.000 Burt Reynolds...
02:54:35.000 Remember, we watched it here! 0.99
02:54:36.000 But this is fucked up because, like, you know he's really hitting her. 0.99
02:54:41.000 Well, you told me he was gonna smack her a few times. 0.99
02:54:45.000 It's like when Sean Penn did that close range with whatever and he kept shooting the gun and finally Sean Penn goes, give me the gun because you're not reacting the right way.
02:54:54.000 You're not being scared.
02:54:56.000 So he shot a real gun at Christopher Walken.
02:54:59.000 Christopher Walken talks about it all the time. 1.00
02:55:01.000 Look at this fucking savage. 1.00
02:55:05.000 Go Knolls. 1.00
02:55:06.000 Get off of me! 1.00
02:55:08.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:55:09.000 That's how the movie opens and shit. 1.00
02:55:11.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:55:12.000 Bitch. 1.00
02:55:14.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:55:16.000 It's amazing what 40 years has done.
02:55:19.000 Yeah, people used to beat people up.
02:55:20.000 And look at how beautiful she was.
02:55:21.000 This woman's beautiful.
02:55:22.000 You would never see anything like this. 0.93
02:55:23.000 Where the hell do you think you're going? 0.95
02:55:24.000 I'm splitting. 0.98
02:55:26.000 I'm splitting, man.
02:55:28.000 Look at his body, though.
02:55:29.000 This guy was not juicing. 1.00
02:55:30.000 This guy was just fucking nuts. 1.00
02:55:33.000 You all-American son of a bitch. 1.00
02:55:37.000 This is like a soap opera from Mexico. 1.00
02:55:39.000 No, no, no, no, no.
02:55:41.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00
02:55:44.000 This is a fucking soap opera from Mexico, bro. 1.00
02:55:47.000 Totally is. 1.00
02:55:51.000 This is totally!
02:55:53.000 Look at this.
02:55:54.000 So remember in the 70s, everybody had booze on TV. Everybody, look at that.
02:55:59.000 Everybody's house had booze. 0.79
02:56:01.000 Vete a la mierda.
02:56:02.000 Me soy Burt Reynolds.
02:56:05.000 Callate ya.
02:56:10.000 Whoa.
02:56:12.000 Whoa.
02:56:26.000 So hostile. 0.86
02:56:29.000 Oh my god, she bit him. 1.00
02:56:38.000 Oh, she threw some shit at him. 1.00
02:56:43.000 This is a Mexican soap opera, son. 1.00
02:56:47.000 Here she comes. 1.00
02:56:49.000 Jesus, man.
02:56:52.000 Oh.
02:56:54.000 This is the 70s. 0.86
02:56:55.000 A fake slap to the face. 0.74
02:56:57.000 Oh my god.
02:56:58.000 That was a real throw to the ground.
02:56:59.000 That was a real throw.
02:57:00.000 That throw to the ground seems super real.
02:57:01.000 That would hurt your hip.
02:57:02.000 That's a hard floor.
02:57:04.000 Didn't even give her a cushion, man.
02:57:06.000 Like, look at what's going on there.
02:57:07.000 There was an actress that didn't even give her a cushion. 1.00
02:57:09.000 Would you let Burt Reynolds throw you to the ground? 1.00
02:57:11.000 No, fuck no. 1.00
02:57:12.000 No. 1.00
02:57:13.000 Not that year.
02:57:13.000 Dude, getting thrown to the ground hurts.
02:57:16.000 That shit hurts. 1.00
02:57:17.000 Like, she just ricocheted off the ground. 1.00
02:57:19.000 100%.
02:57:20.000 That wasn't a stunt person.
02:57:21.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:57:22.000 Do you jerk off to this stuff? 1.00
02:57:24.000 What's the matter with you? 1.00
02:57:25.000 Weird question.
02:57:26.000 Now, dog, he gets into his car.
02:57:28.000 Super weird.
02:57:28.000 He starts it up, Joe Rogan.
02:57:30.000 Joe Rogan, you ready for this?
02:57:32.000 Yes. 1.00
02:57:32.000 He gets in his fucking whatever, Lamborghini. 1.00
02:57:35.000 He starts it up. 0.99
02:57:36.000 And all of a sudden, you hear...
02:57:38.000 Saturday night. 1.00
02:57:39.000 Fucking let it skin it. 1.00
02:57:42.000 Yes. 1.00
02:57:42.000 That's right. 1.00
02:57:43.000 He showed me this.
02:57:45.000 That's all I remember.
02:57:46.000 Play that part.
02:57:47.000 Play that part, Jeremy.
02:57:48.000 Oh, my God.
02:57:48.000 Yeah.
02:57:48.000 What is that?
02:57:49.000 Yeah.
02:57:49.000 As soon as that, he gets in his car, starts the car, and that's what's on the rate.
02:57:54.000 Look at what.
02:57:54.000 Here we go.
02:57:55.000 Burt Reynolds.
02:57:59.000 V8. Oh, yeah.
02:58:00.000 Oh, you knew you were at the right movie.
02:58:04.000 Like a black-eyed dude. 0.99
02:58:06.000 Look at that shitbox. 0.99
02:58:09.000 That's a Maserati? 0.98
02:58:11.000 It's like an Avanti or something.
02:58:12.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:58:14.000 Whoa, the cops.
02:58:15.000 She called the cops.
02:58:19.000 Unlock the door.
02:58:25.000 Whoa.
02:58:26.000 That car is so fast.
02:58:29.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:58:33.000 Meanwhile, that car handles like total dog shit. 1.00
02:58:38.000 What is it? 1.00
02:58:40.000 I don't know, but I mean, those cars back then, even the best ones handled like shit. 1.00
02:58:45.000 That thing has skinny tires, a fucking caveman suspension. 0.99
02:58:53.000 I mean, it probably did drive a lot better than those police cars, though. 0.99
02:58:57.000 Police cars are like the worst cars you could drive if you're trying to catch somebody.
02:59:01.000 They have four doors.
02:59:02.000 You want a car that has two doors.
02:59:04.000 That's true.
02:59:05.000 Sports car, it's got a good balance and something to go around corners quick with.
02:59:09.000 You know, like, race cars aren't big, long four doors.
02:59:13.000 That's a lot of extra weight.
02:59:16.000 It's nuts.
02:59:18.000 Yeah, having like a police car, like, but today, they have police cars today.
02:59:23.000 They're like, they can make like Mustangs.
02:59:24.000 They turn them into police cars.
02:59:25.000 Yeah, and Dodge Chargers.
02:59:27.000 Yeah.
02:59:27.000 Dude.
02:59:29.000 There's some scary cars today when it comes to like a car pulling you over.
02:59:33.000 Like if the cops have that new Dodge Demon.
02:59:35.000 Have you seen that thing? 1.00
02:59:36.000 Yeah, that's fucking nuts. 0.99
02:59:38.000 800 horsepower. 0.99
02:59:40.000 Zero to 60 in like two seconds. 0.99
02:59:42.000 Really fucking crazy. 1.00
02:59:43.000 That shit's so stupid. 1.00
02:59:45.000 I love that they make shit like that. 1.00
02:59:47.000 I love it too. 1.00
02:59:48.000 It doesn't work if it's colder than 15 degrees out.
02:59:51.000 Dubai has the world's fastest police car.
02:59:54.000 It's a Bugatti.
02:59:54.000 They have a Bugatti.
02:59:55.000 Oh my god.
02:59:55.000 Dubai ballin'.
02:59:56.000 They're ballin' so strong.
02:59:58.000 So ballin'.
02:59:58.000 They're ballin' so strong.
03:00:00.000 I mean, if you just respect ballin', forget about cultural differences, you gotta respect their ballin'.
03:00:04.000 Oh, Dubai does it up, man. 0.99
03:00:06.000 If you do it up even a little bit, I don't give a fuck. 0.99
03:00:08.000 Stop making excuses. 0.99
03:00:10.000 They ball harder than anybody.
03:00:11.000 Yeah.
03:00:12.000 They have an indoor ski place that you could have in the desert.
03:00:15.000 Did you have a fight there?
03:00:16.000 Was there a fight there?
03:00:17.000 No, but there was a fight in Abu Dhabi and we did the weigh-ins in Dubai.
03:00:21.000 That's cool.
03:00:22.000 It was weird, man.
03:00:23.000 There's so much money there.
03:00:25.000 That was Anderson against Damien Maier.
03:00:27.000 Yeah.
03:00:28.000 And Frankie Edgar versus BJ Penn, too.
03:00:30.000 I'm pretty sure that was there, too.
03:00:31.000 Like a few dudes that really have crazy, crazy money.
03:00:33.000 I think it's off the charts.
03:00:35.000 I don't think we even understand oil money.
03:00:40.000 What we make, we think we're doing good.
03:00:44.000 It's like many generations of having that kind of cash.
03:00:48.000 It's a different level of cash.
03:00:51.000 Family wealth.
03:00:52.000 Yeah.
03:00:54.000 It gets passed down.
03:00:55.000 That's where the Giedis is. 0.50
03:00:56.000 Yeah.
03:00:57.000 Old white money. 0.50
03:00:58.000 They ain't no stronger gang than that, Jack.
03:01:00.000 They have interior surf places, too.
03:01:03.000 Yeah.
03:01:03.000 Where you can go surfing.
03:01:04.000 It's nuts, man.
03:01:05.000 You run a surfboard indoors.
03:01:06.000 Is that where the government will give citizens money that just want to do anything?
03:01:11.000 Really?
03:01:11.000 Yeah, yeah.
03:01:12.000 In Dubai?
03:01:13.000 I thought so.
03:01:14.000 Maybe I have it wrong, but my cousin came here to study English, like from Peru.
03:01:18.000 So he had a class with a bunch of people from different countries.
03:01:22.000 And I thought he said, this classmate from Dubai would be like, everybody want to go out on Saturday?
03:01:26.000 Like, it's all good.
03:01:28.000 And would pick people up and like...
03:01:30.000 You know, limo buses.
03:01:32.000 And he's like, wait, who's paying for this?
03:01:34.000 And he's like, oh, I got it. 0.99
03:01:35.000 It ain't shit. 0.97
03:01:36.000 Like, don't worry about it. 0.98
03:01:37.000 And then was telling them, like, he was like, you're just going to pay for this?
03:01:41.000 He's like, look, it's just given to me, man. 1.00
03:01:42.000 I got to spend all this shit. 0.99
03:01:44.000 I don't even know what to do. 1.00
03:01:45.000 Jesus Christ.
03:01:45.000 And just buying everybody drinks, food, going to Vegas, like 15 people he's just in class with.
03:01:53.000 Yeah, nobody balls harder than them. 0.97
03:01:55.000 Yeah, it's pretty out of control. 0.95
03:01:56.000 Everywhere you go, there's Ferraris, Bentleys, Lamborghinis. 0.86
03:02:00.000 There's, like, ridiculous... 0.77
03:02:01.000 There's cars that I feel like it would be ridiculous to show up.
03:02:04.000 Well, how about one of those Bentleys that they have, or one of those Bugattis, rather, that they have as a police car?
03:02:08.000 For sure.
03:02:08.000 It's insanity.
03:02:09.000 Isn't that, like, two and a half million bucks?
03:02:11.000 Yeah, so much money.
03:02:12.000 I think Flugmether has, like, six.
03:02:15.000 Does he really?
03:02:16.000 He has so many.
03:02:17.000 He's hilarious.
03:02:18.000 His spending habits are hilarious.
03:02:20.000 I love him.
03:02:21.000 He's got like a whole fleet just in white.
03:02:23.000 He's like, white is right. 0.97
03:02:24.000 I got a bunch of...
03:02:25.000 He's got other colors too, though, man.
03:02:26.000 Yeah, he does.
03:02:27.000 He's got a gang of cars.
03:02:28.000 So when did he owe that money to the IRS, why don't you just give him a few cars?
03:02:33.000 Because he went so deep, so creative.
03:02:35.000 How much does he owe?
03:02:36.000 Well, it's more than you want to pay.
03:02:40.000 Yeah.
03:02:41.000 It's in the 20 plus million dollar range.
03:02:43.000 It's a lot of money, man.
03:02:44.000 But it's not something that he's been, it's not like deception.
03:02:49.000 No.
03:02:49.000 It's just neglect to pay.
03:02:51.000 It's neglect.
03:02:51.000 And it's also like, I think, and there is like a truth to this.
03:02:54.000 He makes so much money, there's probably a point when they're like, hey, it's time to pay your taxes.
03:02:59.000 And you go like, alright, here's a check for 25 million dollars.
03:03:03.000 That's an incredible amount of money.
03:03:05.000 And then they go, that's true, but you owe 50 more.
03:03:08.000 And he's just like, that can't be right.
03:03:11.000 You know it was not good?
03:03:13.000 I've given you $25 million.
03:03:14.000 Yeah, like, what?
03:03:14.000 Yeah, like, what are you talking about, man?
03:03:16.000 He's bought over 100 luxury cars from the same dealer and always pays in cash.
03:03:20.000 Hilarious!
03:03:21.000 I love it!
03:03:22.000 Yeah, he has $15 million worth of cars.
03:03:24.000 Congratulations.
03:03:24.000 But he doesn't drive.
03:03:25.000 I like it.
03:03:26.000 Good.
03:03:26.000 You can sell those.
03:03:27.000 They're worth a lot of money.
03:03:28.000 You can get that money, too.
03:03:29.000 Yeah.
03:03:30.000 You know, it's just...
03:03:33.000 He's really interesting in the amount of money that he's able to generate. 0.99
03:03:37.000 You know, he's figured out some pretty incredible shit. 0.99
03:03:39.000 He's a great villain, too, man. 1.00
03:03:41.000 Oh, he's brilliant at it.
03:03:42.000 And he's just a brilliant defensive boxer.
03:03:46.000 Oh, skill-wise, off the charts.
03:03:48.000 But I'm saying that guy should get more credit for what he does as a skilled Businessman and psychological, you know, warrior.
03:03:58.000 Like, he should get a lot more credit for it.
03:04:00.000 Yeah, I think so, too.
03:04:01.000 I think it's arguable that, you know, he's enjoying it, and he enjoys playing the villain role, and enjoys, like, flashing all the money.
03:04:08.000 And if he is really enjoying it, like, don't you love that and respect that about him? 0.99
03:04:12.000 Look at that fucking thing. 0.99
03:04:12.000 What is that car? 0.99
03:04:13.000 That thing looks amazing.
03:04:14.000 That's my new $4.8 million car.
03:04:15.000 $4.8 million?
03:04:16.000 What is it?
03:04:18.000 A CCXR? Is that a Koenigsegg?
03:04:19.000 Yeah.
03:04:20.000 How do you say that?
03:04:21.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:22.000 That's a word that I've never said.
03:04:23.000 I can't say it.
03:04:24.000 I love that he starts his post with the amount, like to remind people.
03:04:31.000 Not my new car.
03:04:32.000 Yeah, my new $4.8 million car.
03:04:35.000 How do you think you say that?
03:04:36.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:37.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:38.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:39.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:40.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:40.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:41.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:42.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:44.000 Koenigsegg? 0.97
03:04:45.000 Jesus Christ, Koenigsegg.
03:04:48.000 CCXR Trevita.
03:04:49.000 Beautiful. 0.95
03:04:49.000 That's a ridiculous name. 0.95
03:04:50.000 Yeah, it's beautiful. 0.99
03:04:50.000 Changed your name. 0.99
03:04:51.000 That car's dope.
03:04:53.000 You're working next time, correct, sir?
03:04:55.000 I think so, yeah.
03:04:55.000 So you're working during this fight.
03:04:56.000 Oh, yeah, I'm in D.C. Well, both are working during this fight.
03:04:59.000 You working?
03:04:59.000 I had it already.
03:05:00.000 No.
03:05:01.000 Me too.
03:05:01.000 I already booked way in advance.
03:05:03.000 Now it's my dad's birthday.
03:05:04.000 I'm going to the big...
03:05:05.000 Birthday celebration.
03:05:06.000 Are you going to try to avoid finding out what happened and then watching it?
03:05:10.000 No, it depends, man.
03:05:11.000 We haven't...
03:05:12.000 I don't know.
03:05:13.000 I'm going to gauge also his interest in it, you know?
03:05:15.000 I always try to get home before I find out anything or watch it before I find out anything, and I always fail to do so.
03:05:23.000 You always...
03:05:23.000 I cannot give any temptation.
03:05:26.000 What if I know what happened?
03:05:27.000 What if I know?
03:05:28.000 It's hard, man.
03:05:29.000 I go online.
03:05:29.000 Let me check real quick.
03:05:30.000 Yeah.
03:05:30.000 Am I worthwhile?
03:05:31.000 What if they tell me it's a five-round boring decision?
03:05:34.000 You know, of a title fight.
03:05:35.000 And this one's going to be 12 rounds of boxing.
03:05:37.000 I know.
03:05:38.000 It's going to be...
03:05:39.000 It's an exciting event.
03:05:40.000 It's one of those, like, you'll remember, like, the excitement to tune in.
03:05:43.000 So I think we're going to want to watch it, you know?
03:05:46.000 Conor McGregor is a magic person.
03:05:47.000 Yeah.
03:05:48.000 Like, legitimately.
03:05:50.000 Like, to get this many people so hyped up about this fight.
03:05:53.000 Yeah.
03:05:54.000 It's not just about his performances, his fights.
03:05:58.000 It's also about, like, wanting to believe that there's a dude who can pull it all off.
03:06:03.000 Yeah.
03:06:03.000 It's like a magic person.
03:06:05.000 Do you feel like in the lead up to the fight, like as we get closer, your opinion on it has changed at all?
03:06:10.000 Oh yeah, I'm a sucker for a good hype job, dude.
03:06:13.000 That's why I'm a good hype man.
03:06:14.000 Right, right.
03:06:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:06:16.000 I'm a sucker for believing all that stupid shit. 1.00
03:06:19.000 I thought Jerry Cooney had a chance against Larry Holmes when I was in high school. 1.00
03:06:22.000 Yeah.
03:06:22.000 I saw Jerry Cooney knock out Ken Norton and I was like, he might not have a chance.
03:06:27.000 I'm like, Larry Holmes is good.
03:06:29.000 Who was the other white dude that was the great white hope that I think fought Larry Holmes in 82 and he wouldn't make eye contact?
03:06:36.000 No, not Shavala.
03:06:37.000 June of 82. In 82. Oh, Galata.
03:06:40.000 Was it Galata?
03:06:41.000 Is that what you're talking about?
03:06:42.000 No, Andrew Galata.
03:06:43.000 No.
03:06:43.000 Yeah.
03:06:44.000 No, Jerry Cooney's the guy that...
03:06:46.000 Is that the guy you're thinking of?
03:06:48.000 Is that the guy I was talking about?
03:06:49.000 Not the guy that fought him.
03:06:50.000 Oh, okay, yeah.
03:06:51.000 Jerry Cooney.
03:06:52.000 Yeah, that's the guy I was talking about.
03:06:53.000 Good-looking white dude?
03:06:54.000 Yeah.
03:06:54.000 When I was in high school, I thought Jerry Cooney was going to win.
03:06:56.000 Really?
03:06:57.000 Who's the white dude from Bayonne that fought?
03:06:58.000 Oh, the Bayonne Bleeder.
03:07:02.000 Yeah, Chuck Wepner.
03:07:03.000 He's the guy that they based the movie Rocky on.
03:07:07.000 Because they didn't expect him to survive.
03:07:09.000 And he kept surviving.
03:07:11.000 He kept moving forward.
03:07:13.000 And Chuck Wepner was the guy, I think, that was one of the inspirations for the movie Rocky. 0.69
03:07:18.000 Because that guy just kept plotting forward, and Muhammad Ali beat the shit out of him, but I don't think he stopped him. 0.99
03:07:26.000 Damn. 1.00
03:07:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:07:27.000 Look at that cracker's face, man.
03:07:29.000 Yeah, dude, he got dropped there.
03:07:30.000 Look at that, man.
03:07:33.000 Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was so magic, man.
03:07:37.000 What he could do as far as, like, movement, his ability to, like, move in and out, slide around, a lot of people thought he was doomed when he was gonna fight Sonny Liston. 0.97
03:07:47.000 Like, there is no fucking way. 0.91
03:07:48.000 This kid is in so much trouble. 1.00
03:07:51.000 All he can do is box around and move and move fast, but Sonny Liston is a murderer. 0.99
03:07:57.000 Murderous puncher. 0.99
03:07:58.000 He beat the fuck out of Floyd Patterson. 0.99
03:08:01.000 The way he would beat those guys, he'd be like, oh Jesus, nobody can stand in front of him. 0.93
03:08:05.000 Very Rumble Johnson-esque.
03:08:07.000 Maybe even more so in his power. 0.99
03:08:10.000 Mama Ali was like, bitch, that is not taking place today! 1.00
03:08:14.000 It sucks about not living through an era, is you can never fully appreciate it as much as you want to. 0.98
03:08:23.000 I already know, I've had enough lessons about Ali, but you're like, oh man, I really wish I would have lived through it.
03:08:30.000 I already see it now, I became conscious of it now because of basketball.
03:08:34.000 Because people are always, always doing this Jordan or LeBron This is the first time I realized there's people arguing who weren't alive during that Jordan craziness. 0.98
03:08:49.000 And I'm like, oh, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now. 0.96
03:08:53.000 You have no idea what that was. 0.99
03:08:56.000 You can pull up any statistic you want.
03:08:58.000 But you don't feel that. 1.00
03:09:00.000 Yeah, and you didn't watch that dude become a fucking savage, like a goddamn Spanish conquistador in fucking the NBA where you could not believe what a killer he was. 0.99
03:09:14.000 You've never seen that level of competitiveness. 0.99
03:09:17.000 And how that dude could dominate, we've never seen.
03:09:21.000 But there's people I realize who are like, oh no, I've seen highlights.
03:09:23.000 And I'm like, no, you don't get it.
03:09:25.000 You don't get how dominant He was.
03:09:27.000 Jordan.
03:09:28.000 Yeah.
03:09:29.000 Jordan.
03:09:29.000 If you saw Jordan dominant, it was the craziest thing ever.
03:09:33.000 The first time I saw Jordan fly from the foul line through the air and slam dunk a ball, I remember thinking, how...
03:09:43.000 How does a person even do that with their body?
03:09:46.000 He literally flew through the air and slam dunked this ball.
03:09:51.000 And I'm not exaggerating where it was like basically where the foul line was. 0.99
03:09:55.000 He fucking went flying. 0.99
03:09:56.000 He took like an extra step. 1.00
03:09:57.000 Can you do me a favor, Joe Ruben?
03:09:59.000 One favor?
03:10:00.000 Yeah.
03:10:00.000 Can you put on the top ten dunks by Julius Erving?
03:10:03.000 Ooh! 0.96
03:10:03.000 Just one second. 0.96
03:10:04.000 Let's do that and then we'll go to Jordan.
03:10:06.000 Well, that'll break it down because before LeBron, there was Jordan.
03:10:10.000 But before Jordan, there was a guy from Long Island named Julius Erving.
03:10:13.000 Sure.
03:10:13.000 And he used to kill one team.
03:10:15.000 The best dunks of all time were done by him against the Lakers.
03:10:20.000 Here it goes.
03:10:21.000 This is a regular one.
03:10:23.000 Yeah.
03:10:24.000 Okay, this is nothing.
03:10:26.000 Okay.
03:10:27.000 Oh, look at that.
03:10:27.000 This is against, watch this one, one-handed.
03:10:30.000 That's just superb.
03:10:31.000 That's superb.
03:10:32.000 Watch this.
03:10:32.000 Boom.
03:10:33.000 In.
03:10:35.000 Bam.
03:10:35.000 Over a guy seven foot four.
03:10:37.000 And he's six foot six.
03:10:38.000 He is against, look at this.
03:10:40.000 Bam.
03:10:40.000 Okay.
03:10:41.000 Woo! 0.99
03:10:43.000 My favorite was Daryl Dawkins.
03:10:45.000 Oh, breaking backboards.
03:10:46.000 Because he would destroy the backboards.
03:10:47.000 Watch this one here, Joe Rogan. 1.00
03:10:48.000 Game over, hooker. 1.00
03:10:49.000 Bro, I used to snort coke with Daryl Dawkins. 1.00
03:10:51.000 Look at that.
03:10:52.000 He used to snort coke from the top of the refrigerator.
03:10:54.000 Woo! 0.99
03:10:56.000 Put this back.
03:10:57.000 Put this back.
03:10:58.000 Run this back, dog.
03:11:00.000 He was gonna call my podcast, but he died three weeks later.
03:11:03.000 Oh, no.
03:11:05.000 Three weeks before.
03:11:06.000 It was a dream.
03:11:07.000 I went to a psychic.
03:11:09.000 No, no, no.
03:11:09.000 He did.
03:11:10.000 That's against Bill Walton.
03:11:11.000 Look at this one.
03:11:11.000 Wow.
03:11:12.000 Against fucking... 1.00
03:11:13.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
03:11:14.000 Watch this one.
03:11:15.000 This is against this guy.
03:11:16.000 Watch these two.
03:11:17.000 That's beautiful.
03:11:19.000 The elevation, man.
03:11:22.000 The problem is that's what everybody wants to see. 0.99
03:11:24.000 You don't want to see all the shit leading up to that. 0.98
03:11:26.000 It's like when I watched the Hulk. 0.99
03:11:27.000 This was tremendous.
03:11:28.000 Like, hurry up and get mad.
03:11:30.000 Look at him against Bill Walton.
03:11:32.000 Bam! 0.98
03:11:32.000 And Bill Walton kept calling for a foul. 0.98
03:11:34.000 Look at him. 1.00
03:11:35.000 Bill Walton, all his shit. 1.00
03:11:36.000 Look at him. 1.00
03:11:37.000 Look a bitch. 1.00
03:11:38.000 You're gonna beat us. 1.00
03:11:38.000 But I'm slamming right in your fucking face. 1.00
03:11:40.000 See? 1.00
03:11:41.000 Bill Walton was calling for a foul.
03:11:43.000 You know what?
03:11:43.000 I feel like if you have a dishonorable claim and a foul, if you're doing something like those soccer players do sometimes, that's amazing.
03:11:51.000 Look at this one.
03:11:51.000 You should lose points for that.
03:11:52.000 Look at this one, Joe Rogan.
03:11:53.000 This is the one I bet.
03:11:54.000 I won.
03:11:55.000 I had the Sixers in Philly.
03:11:57.000 Look at him!
03:11:57.000 Bam!
03:11:57.000 Against Michael Cooper and shit!
03:12:00.000 Can you imagine being there? 1.00
03:12:01.000 I was there!
03:12:02.000 They gave us a couple of free hamburgers!
03:12:04.000 I was down there!
03:12:04.000 Look at him fly!
03:12:06.000 Look at him!
03:12:06.000 They were getting a point at Philadelphia!
03:12:09.000 How could I not bet that game?
03:12:10.000 Okay, now go to 10 greatest Michael Jordan dunks.
03:12:15.000 Oh my god.
03:12:15.000 And prepare yourself.
03:12:17.000 For a fucking Avatar movie. 1.00
03:12:19.000 Get on the toilet. 1.00
03:12:20.000 Get on the toilet right now. 0.99
03:12:21.000 When I was a kid, my friend was the ball boy for the Nets.
03:12:23.000 And you find that a lot about basketball players.
03:12:25.000 First of all, do you know basketball players throw away their sneakers after every game?
03:12:29.000 It's crazy.
03:12:29.000 A lot of them do.
03:12:30.000 So he would take the sneakers and sell them.
03:12:33.000 Before eBay, he would take the Nets' sneakers and sell them. 1.00
03:12:38.000 Look at this crazy shit. 1.00
03:12:39.000 Come on, man. 1.00
03:12:41.000 That looked like somebody pressed controls and then a body did that.
03:12:45.000 He has some spectacular airtime.
03:12:48.000 Oh, man.
03:12:49.000 Look at this.
03:12:52.000 He just flies in there, man.
03:12:54.000 I wonder what's, like, the record distance.
03:12:55.000 I know I said from the free throw line, but what's, like, the record distance that someone's ever dunked from?
03:13:00.000 You know who's way crazier of a dunker, though? 1.00
03:13:03.000 18 feet.
03:13:04.000 It's 15 from the free throw, and it's 18 from the top of the key.
03:13:09.000 Someone dunked from there?
03:13:10.000 Maybe 20. Julius Irving.
03:13:10.000 Oh, my God.
03:13:11.000 All the time in the things.
03:13:13.000 What?
03:13:15.000 Now, David Thompson, he's shaking his head.
03:13:17.000 Jamie's saying no bueno.
03:13:19.000 The free throw line is about as far as anyone's done.
03:13:20.000 The free throw line.
03:13:21.000 Maybe the free throw line.
03:13:22.000 That's what I was thinking.
03:13:22.000 Maybe 15 feet.
03:13:24.000 That's still insane.
03:13:25.000 That's insane.
03:13:26.000 Look at this. 1.00
03:13:26.000 Look at this shit. 1.00
03:13:27.000 Someone by now has done like a foot or two behind it. 1.00
03:13:29.000 Now, have you ever seen Vince Carter's dunks?
03:13:32.000 No.
03:13:32.000 Because that dude is 40. Let's enjoy these first.
03:13:36.000 Yeah, these are amazing.
03:13:37.000 We'll go to Vince Carter, but let's enjoy these for a moment, because these are spectacular.
03:13:41.000 Jordan was just from another planet.
03:13:43.000 It's a beautiful thing.
03:13:44.000 There's a lot of times, Tom Segura, I'm watching 30 for 30, and I want to call Joe Rogan and call him, because I know he's not that sport, like the one about Detroit, when they beat him up really bad, and he decided to lift weights.
03:13:58.000 Trying to get on that Mexican supplement, son.
03:14:00.000 Yeah, he said, this ain't ever going to happen again.
03:14:03.000 Look at this dunk, man.
03:14:04.000 I see how jacked he was when he was like done.
03:14:05.000 But Joe Rogan. 0.75
03:14:06.000 Oh yeah, he's way more jacked. 0.65
03:14:07.000 Look at the way he held it back.
03:14:08.000 Yeah, because he went and got on.
03:14:11.000 He lifted against the Detroit Pistons.
03:14:14.000 But Joe Rogan, as a basketball enthusiast, and I'll call Don Moreira, there's only one, the greatest dunk of all time. 0.99
03:14:21.000 And because he jumped over a motherfucker. 0.99
03:14:24.000 Who did that? 1.00
03:14:24.000 Vince Carter. 1.00
03:14:26.000 That's what I'm talking about.
03:14:28.000 Clyde Drexler against Louisville, 1981. Put it on for Joe Robert.
03:14:35.000 Clyde Drexler against Louisville, 1981. The Wizards are dunk.
03:14:40.000 And Houston was called Five Slammer Jammer because that's all they did was dunk. 0.97
03:14:44.000 There's a few athletes that I feel like, even from our era, you could bring to today and they would be super successful.
03:14:51.000 Like Marvin Hagler is one of them.
03:14:59.000 That's not the one.
03:15:03.000 That's not the one.
03:15:07.000 There's a few athletes that I think you could take today and they would be super successful.
03:15:14.000 Like, for sure Julius Irving, for sure Michael Jordan, for sure.
03:15:18.000 For sure Magic Johnson, for sure.
03:15:20.000 You know, no matter what.
03:15:21.000 Like, you bring them into this era, they'll be successful in almost any era.
03:15:25.000 I'll never forget, I was at a bar one night.
03:15:27.000 Put up Vince Carter, dude.
03:15:28.000 I was at a bar one night, and there was a Cuban dude, and he was... 0.99
03:15:31.000 Passed out like this, Joe Rogan.
03:15:33.000 Can you find the video, Joey, of the dude that he jumped over the dude?
03:15:37.000 I've never seen it.
03:15:39.000 It doesn't look like this. 1.00
03:15:41.000 Look at this shit. 1.00
03:15:42.000 What's this? 1.00
03:15:43.000 This is Vince Carter. 0.98
03:15:50.000 He rubbed his nuts on that dude's head. 0.96
03:15:52.000 Watch that again. 0.99
03:15:54.000 Watch this. 0.99
03:15:54.000 He rubbed his nuts on that dude's head. 0.99
03:15:57.000 Oh yeah, it's incredible. 0.99
03:15:58.000 He went over that dude's head.
03:15:59.000 This dude still dunks like this and he's 40. That's insane. 0.94
03:16:03.000 That's an athlete.
03:16:05.000 When we were in high school, he was in high school for a minute close to us.
03:16:09.000 Oh my god, he jumped over that guy.
03:16:10.000 They would show his high school highlights on local news.
03:16:14.000 They would cover it like an NBA game. 1.00
03:16:17.000 Dude, look at how he's rubbing his dick on that guy's ear. 1.00
03:16:20.000 Watch. 1.00
03:16:21.000 He's fucking him. 1.00
03:16:22.000 He's fucking his fucking face right now. 1.00
03:16:23.000 He's mind-fucking him directly through the ear. 1.00
03:16:25.000 And then slams that. 0.99
03:16:27.000 That's insane.
03:16:28.000 Yeah.
03:16:29.000 Roy Jones Jr. was like that.
03:16:31.000 Oh, yeah.
03:16:31.000 Roy Jones Jr. in his prime had some athleticism that didn't even make sense.
03:16:36.000 He was able to land a lead left hook instead of a jab, where a lot of guys shot in a jab.
03:16:41.000 Roy Jones Jr., he, like, most of the time led with a lead left hook.
03:16:46.000 Whoa.
03:16:48.000 Jesus.
03:16:49.000 That guy can fly.
03:16:51.000 He dunked his elbow in there.
03:16:52.000 Yeah.
03:16:53.000 Arm and rim dunk.
03:16:55.000 That's the arm and rim dunk, ladies and gentlemen.
03:16:57.000 It's much more difficult in the regular time.
03:16:58.000 I think about...
03:16:59.000 You've got to worry about breaking your arm.
03:17:00.000 David Thompson had a 48 jump vertical inch.
03:17:04.000 I think about that.
03:17:05.000 That was 30 years ago.
03:17:07.000 I can't imagine what kind of vertical jumps.
03:17:10.000 College players, they had to be up to 60, 55 inches. 0.75
03:17:14.000 Those defensive backs, Michael Irvin, Michael Irvin could jump four feet in the air.
03:17:19.000 Yeah.
03:17:20.000 That's how he became Michael Irvin.
03:17:21.000 One hand. 0.58
03:17:22.000 He's a freak for sure.
03:17:23.000 The Giants with the blonde hair now.
03:17:25.000 Oh, Odell Beckham, yeah.
03:17:26.000 I see him at Jay Glazer's place.
03:17:27.000 He ain't no bigger than you, dog.
03:17:30.000 Odell Beckham is not that much bigger than you.
03:17:33.000 Jay Glazer's got a hell of a gym, huh?
03:17:35.000 I saw Stallone was working out there with Chuck Liddell.
03:17:39.000 I was like, what kind of crazy gym do you have?
03:17:41.000 You've got to see that part.
03:17:42.000 Football players, MMA fighters.
03:17:45.000 All day long training them.
03:17:46.000 What's it called again?
03:17:49.000 Something Optimum Performance?
03:17:51.000 Unbreakable.
03:17:51.000 Unbreakable?
03:17:52.000 Unbreakable.
03:17:53.000 The owner is...
03:17:54.000 It's a good move, man.
03:17:55.000 Good move on his part.
03:17:56.000 He loves working out.
03:17:59.000 That's a smart move, you know?
03:18:01.000 Be a part of some sort of a cool strength and conditioning.
03:18:04.000 Wow, look at that jump.
03:18:05.000 Yeah, dog! 0.99
03:18:06.000 This is a new brand.
03:18:07.000 Catch with one hand.
03:18:08.000 Well, athletes are always getting better, right?
03:18:10.000 If you go back to baseball from the 1950s and then go to baseball in 2017, you're seeing better and better athletes.
03:18:17.000 You're seeing people that are just faster, smarter, train better, you know, use better nutrition.
03:18:22.000 They're optimizing themselves the best they can.
03:18:24.000 The question is like, I wonder like genetically what's happening.
03:18:28.000 I wonder if like people genetically are getting bigger and faster.
03:18:31.000 I wonder if it's like a little slight uptick that will one day, maybe 20 years from now, 30 years from now, register in a big way.
03:18:38.000 Because you've got to wonder, with all these people competing in CrossFit and all this strength and conditioning stuff, people's bodies might start literally thinking they have to work harder again.
03:18:48.000 They have to get stronger and bigger again.
03:18:50.000 People might get bigger.
03:18:51.000 This is my...
03:18:53.000 Terrible understanding of genetics as applied to...
03:18:56.000 I'm sold on it.
03:18:57.000 Just on that alone.
03:18:58.000 I spit in the cup, dog.
03:19:02.000 I'm waiting.
03:19:03.000 I got another three weeks.
03:19:04.000 I spit in the cup to see who I'm related to.
03:19:07.000 I did it.
03:19:08.000 The DNA test.
03:19:09.000 Ancestry.com? 0.97
03:19:09.000 Do you see that thing about all those white racists that found out they had black people in their past? 0.97
03:19:14.000 That's hilarious. 0.98
03:19:15.000 And then they try to discredit the test.
03:19:18.000 Ha ha ha!
03:19:20.000 I'm doing it for that reason. 0.99
03:19:22.000 So you know who you could talk shit about? 1.00
03:19:24.000 Because if you find out that you have a certain percentage, I could talk shit about Italians. 1.00
03:19:28.000 Sure. 0.99
03:19:29.000 Because I'm mostly Italian.
03:19:30.000 So most people wouldn't consider it a bad thing. 1.00
03:19:35.000 Well, you motherfuckers, the Sicilians got raped by the Moors. 1.00
03:19:37.000 Exactly. 1.00
03:19:38.000 And then the Moors and then the Sicilians one night on the Night of the Vespers in 1600 got up and they cut their dicks off and shoved them in their fucking mouths. 1.00
03:19:46.000 What? 0.99
03:19:46.000 That's why you can't talk about rape in front of most Sicilians. 0.99
03:19:49.000 Night of the Vespers is an old Sicilian tradition. 0.95
03:19:52.000 That's why those Sicilians are good with knives. 1.00
03:19:54.000 Crazy. 0.99
03:19:55.000 Old Sicilians are good with knives. 1.00
03:19:56.000 They tell you, keep them at arm's distance. 1.00
03:19:59.000 With old Sicilians, don't fuck with them, because they got those knives. 1.00
03:20:03.000 They're good with those knives and shit. 1.00
03:20:04.000 It's crazy. 1.00
03:20:06.000 Cubans, my sister's dark-skinned.
03:20:09.000 And then I look at my cousin, who's my skin, and his sister, the singer, is dark-skinned. 1.00
03:20:14.000 So I know there's some African shit in my fucking blood. 1.00
03:20:18.000 It's Cuba. 1.00
03:20:18.000 Who's, um, what's the band's name? 1.00
03:20:20.000 X Alfonso?
03:20:21.000 Is that it?
03:20:21.000 Eki, Eki, Eki.
03:20:22.000 What is that band?
03:20:24.000 The band they're in?
03:20:24.000 Is it X Alfonso?
03:20:25.000 Is that it?
03:20:26.000 His name is Eki, and her name is Emma.
03:20:29.000 I've got it on my phone.
03:20:30.000 It's in my, uh...
03:20:30.000 Yeah.
03:20:31.000 So they don't know.
03:20:32.000 If you ever go to Cuba...
03:20:33.000 His cousins...
03:20:33.000 My cousin owns La Factoria.
03:20:35.000 ...have a fucking amazing band. 1.00
03:20:36.000 Really? 1.00
03:20:37.000 Dude, they're really good.
03:20:38.000 Really good, but they own La Factoria.
03:20:40.000 So...
03:20:41.000 Yeah, here it is.
03:20:42.000 X Alfonso.
03:20:43.000 That's my male cousin. 0.99
03:20:44.000 Give me some volume on this shit. 0.99
03:20:46.000 They're really good, dude. 1.00
03:20:48.000 I mean, no bullshit. 0.53
03:20:49.000 I listen to this on my way to the comedy store all the time. 1.00
03:20:52.000 I get pumped up because I don't know what the fuck they're saying. 0.98
03:20:55.000 So just for me, it just feels good. 0.98
03:20:57.000 It's like celebratory and I get into my own head thinking about my material.
03:21:01.000 That's crazy.
03:21:02.000 And I get pumped up listening to this.
03:21:03.000 One night you sent me a video you were looking at.
03:21:05.000 You were listening to something else, like Italian music.
03:21:07.000 I always do that, yeah.
03:21:08.000 I always listen to language that I don't understand.
03:21:12.000 So you don't think about the words?
03:21:13.000 Yeah, I don't think about the words at all.
03:21:15.000 See, I don't understand what this is.
03:21:17.000 And there's ignorance in it, but there's also freedom.
03:21:21.000 So the freedom is that I can hear the beautiful sound of his voice and not have any context to it.
03:21:28.000 No, like, whatever his message is or anything...
03:21:31.000 And I can have it in the background and 100% concentrate on what I'm trying to do.
03:21:36.000 Yeah.
03:21:36.000 And just enjoy it.
03:21:37.000 Yeah.
03:21:37.000 I hear you.
03:21:38.000 It's like an instrument.
03:21:39.000 Yeah.
03:21:39.000 If you're listening to Shooting Star by Bad Company, you know, Johnny was a schoolboy when he heard his first Beatles song.
03:21:48.000 That's going to change the way you feel.
03:21:50.000 Yeah.
03:21:50.000 You hear about that if you're writing about a certain thing, you're not going to be able to concentrate on your subject.
03:21:54.000 Sure.
03:21:55.000 Love me do what I think it was from there.
03:21:57.000 It didn't take him long.
03:21:59.000 And when I was in high school, everybody wanted to be that guy.
03:22:02.000 Everybody wanted to be that bright star that burnt out and didn't fade away.
03:22:07.000 And everybody's like, man, we lost Johnny.
03:22:09.000 I love when he goes, I love when he goes, don't you know that you are a shooting star? 0.99
03:22:17.000 That you are fucking tremendous. 1.00
03:22:21.000 It's a great fucking song. 1.00
03:22:22.000 Now, he's the male. 1.00
03:22:23.000 Now look at his sister.
03:22:24.000 If you scroll down, show him his sister.
03:22:26.000 So my whole family's like this, where the male is light-skinned, but my sister is dark-skinned. 1.00
03:22:33.000 So I just said, fuck it. 1.00
03:22:35.000 I got it. 1.00
03:22:35.000 And then some other kid sent me paperwork that I was related to some Italian Navy guy called Luis Diaz from 1832. So I said, enough with this shit. 1.00
03:22:46.000 Let me just spit in the cup. 1.00
03:22:47.000 Plus, it also tells you when you're a genetics guy and what you might die of.
03:22:51.000 If you might get cancer, if you might have cardiovascular disease, it tells you what you're susceptible for.
03:22:56.000 You know, my family did a family reunion in 2000, and they hired this genealogy expert, and they thought this would be the big culmination on Saturday to present a family history to everybody in the family.
03:23:09.000 It's like 30, 40 people there.
03:23:11.000 This weekend?
03:23:12.000 No, no, no.
03:23:13.000 This was in the year 2000. And then that guy started telling us about this, our first guy that came over from Spain, and then where he landed in like 1720. Everyone was like, that's pretty cool.
03:23:26.000 And then he was just like, he was a real piece of shit. 1.00
03:23:29.000 Oh no! 1.00
03:23:30.000 And like, he killed somebody, and he went to, you know, went to prison, and then he was stealing from people, and when he died, he left 60 slaves to this person.
03:23:40.000 And everybody was like, well, let's go have dinner now. 1.00
03:23:44.000 Fuck! 1.00
03:23:48.000 You know what baffles me? 1.00
03:23:51.000 There's Diaz's that are Cuban, and then there's the Diaz brothers that are Mexican.
03:23:56.000 So that means our relatives came from Spain.
03:23:58.000 One went to an island, and the other one went to Mexico.
03:24:01.000 Some way or another, I look at those Diaz brothers and I go, I got it. 1.00
03:24:05.000 We're both retarded. 1.00
03:24:06.000 All three of us are retarded. 0.99
03:24:07.000 There's got to be some type of blood that we share because we're not all there. 0.97
03:24:11.000 You know what I'm saying?
03:24:12.000 But there's also Diaz in Puerto Rico, right?
03:24:14.000 Yes.
03:24:15.000 And that's a different kind of Diaz than the Mexican Diaz, too.
03:24:20.000 It's really interesting once you hear enough Spanish and you hear the difference between being friends with you and listening to a lot of Cuban people talk.
03:24:27.000 Cuban people have a very certain rhythm, and then Puerto Ricans have a different kind of rhythm, and Mexicans have their own rhythm.
03:24:34.000 It totally changes, man.
03:24:36.000 The funny thing about hanging out with Tom is people look at him and he looks like a broski from like Wisconsin or something. 1.00
03:24:43.000 They don't realize he speaks fluent Spanish. 0.99
03:24:45.000 So people will talk shit in Spanish in front of you. 1.00
03:24:48.000 All the time. 1.00
03:24:49.000 About me sometimes.
03:24:50.000 Yeah.
03:24:51.000 All the time.
03:24:52.000 They would never guess.
03:24:53.000 What happens when you drop it on them?
03:24:57.000 It depends, man.
03:24:59.000 Like, sometimes you get a, like, you can see the shame wash over them, you know?
03:25:04.000 Because if they say something rude at the end, I'll say, like, have a nice day.
03:25:07.000 Or I hope you have a great day the rest of your day.
03:25:09.000 Que lo pasa bien?
03:25:10.000 And they're like...
03:25:11.000 Oh, no.
03:25:13.000 Sometimes there's, like, a laugh.
03:25:15.000 Sometimes, you know, I've had to go even...
03:25:16.000 I remember in high school, my cousin came from Peru, and we went into...
03:25:20.000 It was the reverse.
03:25:20.000 We went into a...
03:25:22.000 What is it, GNC? Yeah.
03:25:24.000 We were like 14. And I go, in Spanish, because he's visiting.
03:25:28.000 I tell him, this place is easy to steal from.
03:25:31.000 And then I don't realize that the lady working at the store was Spanish. 0.98
03:25:37.000 Yeah.
03:25:37.000 Oh, God.
03:25:38.000 So instead of, she just let us kind of look around, and then she started speaking to us in Spanish.
03:25:43.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
03:25:45.000 We thought we were speaking to some crazy code. 0.97
03:25:46.000 You know, like, this isn't fucking, you know, a Farsi that you're not going to run into a lot. 0.98
03:25:51.000 It was Spanish. 0.98
03:25:52.000 But it happens all the time, man.
03:25:55.000 I don't know if it happens to you, because I don't look Spanish.
03:25:58.000 A lot of times, Spanish-speaking people don't want me to speak Spanish to them.
03:26:02.000 Why is that?
03:26:04.000 If they're here, they're not appreciating that you're not letting them show you that they can speak English, a lot of times. 0.99
03:26:11.000 That's interesting because Americans wouldn't give a fuck. 0.98
03:26:14.000 If you were over in like Italy and someone started talking English and you had like one of those translators, you're trying to like, um, yo soy, you know, you're trying to talk to him and he just started saying, uh, is there no problem? 0.99
03:26:24.000 I speak perfect fluent English.
03:26:26.000 You're like, oh great, let's just talk English.
03:26:28.000 Here it's different though.
03:26:29.000 You'd never be like, oh, let me struggle.
03:26:31.000 Sometimes it's somebody that I speak way better Spanish than they speak English.
03:26:35.000 Really?
03:26:35.000 I still insist on keeping it English.
03:26:37.000 That's rough.
03:26:38.000 It gives them, like with me, they look at me for a minute, and then once I start going off, like those hello, como esta, anybody can say those.
03:26:48.000 It's when they ask me, how's your day going?
03:26:50.000 Like, when somebody Spanish says to me, que esta pasando, I always say, aqui fa jal con los blancos, no se ven compadre. 1.00
03:26:57.000 And they look at me, I tell them, I'm here fighting with these fucking white people on a daily. 0.99
03:27:01.000 And they look at me and go, oh, okay. 1.00
03:27:03.000 He's okay, but the guy at the weed store at Cushmark, there used to be a little security guard, and I didn't say nothing to him.
03:27:10.000 He never looked at my name. 0.68
03:27:12.000 He would just look at Joey or something, and he would go, hey, it's a good Italian, the fat Italian. 0.99
03:27:18.000 And I let him roll for like eight times.
03:27:21.000 And one day I said, oh yeah, you know, and his face turned pale.
03:27:32.000 Like, he had a gun and everything, and he got pale. 1.00
03:27:34.000 Because I said, never disrespect me, and I'll never disrespect you, you son of a bitch. 1.00
03:27:39.000 And he just turned pale. 1.00
03:27:40.000 And a week later, he's like, come here.
03:27:42.000 I'm going to get you discounts on weed up in the valley.
03:27:44.000 Sure, sure.
03:27:45.000 Because I lived in Hollywood at the time.
03:27:47.000 But I would catch people.
03:27:48.000 But it's really weird.
03:27:49.000 Yeah, some people don't.
03:27:50.000 Some people don't.
03:27:51.000 Some people are cool with it.
03:27:52.000 Dude, you ain't seen somebody kill until you've seen Joey Diaz do half Spanish, half English in Miami at the Improv in 2004, 2003, 2004 when that place was crazy.
03:28:06.000 That place was crazy.
03:28:09.000 You know, and I could go off in Spanish.
03:28:11.000 Sure.
03:28:12.000 I could go off really funny in Spanish.
03:28:14.000 People would get crazy.
03:28:15.000 All I imitate is the people that, you know, I grew up around.
03:28:19.000 The Cuban guys I grew up around were very funny.
03:28:23.000 I was telling a friend of mine that I was bartending in high school.
03:28:26.000 I had to quit high school and bartend.
03:28:28.000 And there was this bookie that hung out there.
03:28:29.000 His name was Arnardo.
03:28:31.000 And he didn't speak no English.
03:28:33.000 And I used to talk to him.
03:28:34.000 He was a Cuban dude built, and he had a big, big gut. 1.00
03:28:36.000 And one day he was sitting in a chair like this, and my buddy was yoked, and he's telling him about, yo, coño compadre.
03:28:44.000 And he goes, I gotta go.
03:28:45.000 And my friend goes, what are you gonna go home for?
03:28:46.000 He didn't even speak Spanish, Arnardo.
03:28:48.000 He goes, what I gotta go home for?
03:28:51.000 And my friend goes, what are you talking about?
03:28:53.000 And I'll never forget how Nardo was sitting in a bar chair that didn't go back.
03:28:57.000 And he just started going, oh, when I go home now, forget it. 0.99
03:29:01.000 And he started making believe like he was jerking off. 0.98
03:29:04.000 And he would make the noises, aye. 0.99
03:29:06.000 And everybody in this bar is looking at him. 1.00
03:29:07.000 His dick ain't out. 1.00
03:29:08.000 But he's going, aye, aye. 1.00
03:29:10.000 And when he would come, he would pop back in the chair and go, bah, bah, bah, bah. 1.00
03:29:17.000 And the whole fucking bar was fucking... 1.00
03:29:23.000 And then he would sit back and go... 1.00
03:29:25.000 Joey would go like this.
03:29:27.000 He'd go...
03:29:28.000 He would play out the whole thing.
03:29:34.000 Him jerking up, switching hands.
03:29:36.000 And then at the end... 1.00
03:29:46.000 The people you run into in your daily fucking life. 0.99
03:29:50.000 If you do that today, they'll put you in jail. 1.00
03:29:54.000 If you did that today, if you leaned back in a bar and started jerking off into the sky, they'd put you in jail. 0.99
03:30:00.000 That's sexual assault. 0.99
03:30:02.000 Just to do the impersonation?
03:30:04.000 I'm sure.
03:30:04.000 Didn't Jim Morrison get in trouble for that?
03:30:06.000 He pulled his dick out. 1.00
03:30:07.000 Did he? 1.00
03:30:08.000 He pulled his dick out, I think. 1.00
03:30:09.000 In Miami? 1.00
03:30:10.000 Yeah, it was in Miami. 1.00
03:30:11.000 In Miami he pulled his dick out. 1.00
03:30:12.000 Yeah, famous concert. 1.00
03:30:14.000 But I thought that during Mr. Mojo rising, he would make believe he was whacking off and he got arrested.
03:30:20.000 I think our boy, too, got arrested.
03:30:22.000 The comedian.
03:30:23.000 For doing something on stage, like a sexual something.
03:30:27.000 Which guy?
03:30:27.000 The original guy.
03:30:28.000 Lenny?
03:30:28.000 Lenny Bruce?
03:30:29.000 Yeah, Lenny did.
03:30:30.000 I think he just got arrested for talking. 1.00
03:30:32.000 I don't think he ever pulled his dick out. 1.00
03:30:35.000 I think that was just Morrison. 1.00
03:30:36.000 No, no, no. 1.00
03:30:36.000 I'm not saying pulling his dick out. 1.00
03:30:37.000 I mean, like, doing the motion. 1.00
03:30:39.000 Oh, maybe. 0.99
03:30:39.000 That you're jerking off for doing something like that. 0.99
03:30:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
03:30:42.000 Well, he definitely got prosecuted for profanity.
03:30:46.000 What does it say here?
03:30:47.000 Jim Morrison's arrest.
03:30:49.000 Many of the nearly 12,000 youths said they found the Bearded Singers exhibition disgusting, included in the audience where hundreds of unescorted junior and senior high school girls Morrison appeared to masturbate in full view of the audience,
03:31:05.000 screamed obscenities, and exposed himself.
03:31:08.000 He also got violent, slugged several, in parentheses, concert promoters, and... 0.99
03:31:15.000 Threw one of them off the stage before he himself was hurled into the crowd with his dick hanging out Wow interesting He says to this day, Morrison's bandmates deny this version of events. 0.97
03:31:28.000 As guitarist Robbie Krieger explained to Spinner, they were complaining about Jim whipping it out on stage, which he didn't do. 0.97
03:31:34.000 500 photos were entered as evidence in the trial, and not one of them showed anything of the sort.
03:31:41.000 Regardless, after rejecting a plea bargain, the singer was found guilty of misdemeanor counts of indecent exposure and open profanity and sentenced to prison time and a fine.
03:31:51.000 The case was on appeal at the time of his death.
03:31:54.000 July 3, 1971. Wow.
03:31:56.000 Interesting.
03:31:58.000 And Clementine Bord, in 2010, voted to pardon the singer.
03:32:03.000 More than 40 years later. 0.97
03:32:04.000 Um, who the fuck knows what happened? 1.00
03:32:06.000 If they don't have a picture of his dick out, I thought they had a picture of it. 1.00
03:32:09.000 If they don't have a picture of his dick out, somebody could have yelled his dicks out. 1.00
03:32:13.000 Which is just like yelling fire in a crowded building. 1.00
03:32:15.000 He used to do that whole thing at the end of L.A. Woman. 0.96
03:32:19.000 Mr. Mojo rising.
03:32:21.000 Yeah.
03:32:21.000 And then at the end he would make believe.
03:32:24.000 Rising, rising.
03:32:26.000 Rising, rising.
03:32:27.000 Whoa! 0.71
03:32:28.000 Yeah! 0.99
03:32:29.000 Yeah, maybe to them, it looked like masturbation. 0.98
03:32:32.000 To him, it looked like he was playing like an air guitar. 0.95
03:32:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:32:35.000 He pretended to jerk off. 0.99
03:32:37.000 Yeah, maybe. 0.99
03:32:38.000 You're not allowed to do that back then.
03:32:40.000 Really?
03:32:40.000 That would deny like a good 40% of all of our material.
03:32:44.000 It's a lot of it.
03:32:46.000 If someone told you you can't fake jerk off on stage, you'd be like, ooh, how am I going to make this bit work?
03:32:50.000 There's a couple specials that are gone entirely. 1.00
03:32:52.000 Fuck! 0.99
03:32:53.000 That was one of my best ones. 1.00
03:32:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:32:55.000 Shit. 1.00
03:32:56.000 You need to stroke it. 0.99
03:32:57.000 They edit out all the stroking it parts, you'd be like, oh, I'm so limited in my game. 0.99
03:33:02.000 Damn it. 0.99
03:33:03.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here. 1.00
03:33:04.000 What the fuck, Joey Diaz? 1.00
03:33:05.000 It's only three and a half hours into the show. 1.00
03:33:07.000 It's four o'clock.
03:33:09.000 How do we do this?
03:33:10.000 I gotta pick the baby up.
03:33:12.000 Listen, this is one of my favorite times ever.
03:33:14.000 Oh my God. 0.99
03:33:15.000 I think I'm gonna have to review it to find out what the fuck you said that made me laugh until I literally couldn't breathe. 0.98
03:33:21.000 But to everybody that's been on the show, thank you. 0.97
03:33:23.000 Thank you to everybody listening.
03:33:25.000 Thank you.
03:33:25.000 Thanks to all, everybody.
03:33:27.000 From top to bottom, I love the fuck out of you people. 0.90
03:33:29.000 More to come. 0.99
03:33:30.000 And...
03:33:32.000 Tom Segura and Christina Pazitzky is your mom's house, one of the best podcasts on the internet.
03:33:36.000 Of course, Church of What's Happening Now.
03:33:38.000 Lee Syatt, The Flying Jew, and the great Joey Coco Diaz, available on everywhere.
03:33:42.000 And that's it.
03:33:43.000 Thanks. 1.00
03:33:44.000 We'll see you motherfuckers tonight. 1.00
03:33:45.000 See you a thousand more. 1.00
03:33:46.000 Eight o'clock, ready to go.
03:33:48.000 In four hours.
03:33:48.000 Stars of death, heroin, everything tonight.
03:33:51.000 All right.
03:33:52.000 We love you guys.
03:33:53.000 Thank you.
03:33:54.000 Love.