The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:06.000 Is it working?

00:00:08.000 Is it live?

00:00:10.000 It says it's live.

00:00:11.000 Gregory, we're live.

00:00:13.000 This is it!

00:00:13.000 This is it.

00:00:14.000 Yep.

00:00:14.000 There's definitely more of an echo in this room.

00:00:17.000 We're gonna have to do some tweaking, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:19.000 This is episode number one in the new spot.

00:00:23.000 Uh-oh. 0.99

00:00:23.000 Jamie's fucking up already! 0.99

00:00:24.000 Jesus! 1.00

00:00:27.000 There's extra mics on?

00:00:28.000 I had all the mics on.

00:00:30.000 Oh, the back mics?

00:00:31.000 Those are off now.

00:00:32.000 Oh.

00:00:32.000 That sounds better.

00:00:33.000 Yeah, it changed everything.

00:00:35.000 Yeah.

00:00:36.000 You're a wizard.

00:00:36.000 How'd you notice?

00:00:38.000 You could feel it.

00:00:39.000 You could sense it in the room.

00:00:40.000 He should be behind a curtain like the Wizard of Oz.

00:00:43.000 Yeah.

00:00:44.000 What color was the Wizard of Oz's curtain?

00:00:45.000 It was green, right?

00:00:46.000 I don't know.

00:00:47.000 Yeah, green.

00:00:48.000 Wasn't it?

00:00:49.000 Emerald City, right?

00:00:50.000 Yes.

00:00:50.000 Yeah, right.

00:00:51.000 Right.

00:00:51.000 Emerald City.

00:00:53.000 Gregory, welcome.

00:00:55.000 I feel so happy to be here on the first episode.

00:00:57.000 Dude, I'm honored.

00:00:58.000 I'm honored that you're number one.

00:00:59.000 Yeah.

00:01:00.000 Perfect.

00:01:00.000 Seems perfect.

00:01:01.000 Yeah, this is perfect. 1.00

00:01:02.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:01:03.000 It's crazy, right? 1.00

00:01:04.000 He just gave me a tour of this place, and it's like, I saw the first half and was like, what the fuck's he gonna do with all this space? 0.52

00:01:12.000 The back half is bigger than the first half.

00:01:14.000 Well, it's gonna be a gym.

00:01:16.000 Yeah.

00:01:17.000 An actual full gym.

00:01:19.000 I don't like going places.

00:01:21.000 Do it all right here.

00:01:22.000 Got your tank, your sauna.

00:01:25.000 There's a 47-yard indoor archery range in here.

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:29.000 Yeah, that's going to be badass.

00:01:31.000 Yeah.

00:01:32.000 Why not? 1.00

00:01:33.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:01:33.000 But the big thing is to set up the studio and to have it as close to the old one as possible. 1.00

00:01:40.000 Basically, we built it.

00:01:41.000 The only difference is the sky, thanks to octolights, now we have clouds in the sky instead of stars.

00:01:48.000 We decided to mix it up a little bit, change the curtain color.

00:01:52.000 I love that it feels the same as the other one, though. 0.96

00:01:55.000 Pretty fucking similar.

00:01:56.000 I mean, the dimensions, are they exact? 0.97

00:01:58.000 Very close.

00:01:59.000 Very close.

00:01:59.000 And this is a standalone...

00:02:01.000 I mean, this was built.

00:02:03.000 So it was built to the same size.

00:02:05.000 I mean, this did not exist.

00:02:07.000 So this is all, like, constructed.

00:02:10.000 Basically, we just...

00:02:11.000 I had all these ideas, like, well, I'll do it this way, and I'll do it this way, and I'll make a table that's different.

00:02:16.000 And then as time went on, and I started doing the planning and everything, I said, you know what?

00:02:20.000 I don't...

00:02:21.000 I don't think I want to change much at all.

00:02:24.000 Like, this table, first of all, is giant.

00:02:26.000 Like, I love this table.

00:02:28.000 And it's got all this weird history to it.

00:02:30.000 It's got a little bend to it.

00:02:32.000 Yeah, well, when we got it, the wood hadn't been kiln-dried.

00:02:38.000 Yeah.

00:02:39.000 So when wood sits out or it goes anywhere, it gets damp, and then when it dries out, it starts to warp a little bit, change and shift.

00:02:48.000 So it's got a little warp to it.

00:02:50.000 Yeah.

00:02:50.000 I like it.

00:02:51.000 This desk got history.

00:02:52.000 It's got history, and the red brick wall looks exactly the same.

00:02:57.000 Yeah, pretty close.

00:02:59.000 Pretty close.

00:03:00.000 We're rolling.

00:03:02.000 Jamie's over there in his spot.

00:03:04.000 It's pretty close.

00:03:05.000 I mean, it's like...

00:03:05.000 I have to remind myself that we're in a new spot.

00:03:08.000 That's perfect.

00:03:09.000 Yeah.

00:03:10.000 I mean, after we do a few episodes here, we'll be like, oh, this is the spot.

00:03:15.000 After a fight companion.

00:03:16.000 Yeah.

00:03:17.000 Especially once the boozing starts again.

00:03:19.000 Once the boozing and the weed starts again in November...

00:03:22.000 How hard has that been for you?

00:03:24.000 Easy.

00:03:24.000 Really?

00:03:25.000 Super easy. 0.98

00:03:26.000 The other day we went to Mexican food and I wanted a margarita and I went, damn, I can't have a margarita. 0.98

00:03:31.000 That's it. 0.97

00:03:32.000 That's literally my only craving.

00:03:35.000 People talk to you about like, because the initial thing wasn't quitting weed, right?

00:03:39.000 The initial thing was just getting Bert Kreischer to not die.

00:03:43.000 So like our idea was like, let's see if we can get him to go sober for a month.

00:03:47.000 And he was like, I can run a marathon.

00:03:48.000 I'm like, stop. 1.00

00:03:50.000 Fuck this. 1.00

00:03:51.000 You're not going to run a marathon. 1.00

00:03:52.000 We're like, listen, how about instead of you running a marathon, we just have you do 15 hot yoga classes?

00:03:58.000 And they're like, oh, that'll be easy.

00:03:59.000 I'm like...

00:03:59.000 He hasn't even done one.

00:04:01.000 Yeah.

00:04:01.000 You don't know if it's easy.

00:04:02.000 So now they're slogging away through like, I think they're all at like number six or seven right now.

00:04:08.000 Do we have video of Bert in a hot yoga class?

00:04:11.000 No video.

00:04:12.000 No, but they take videos after him and Tom get out and they're both beet red and covered in sweat.

00:04:18.000 It's pretty obvious they went through it.

00:04:18.000 The towel is just drenched.

00:04:20.000 Yeah.

00:04:20.000 But Bert has done amazing.

00:04:22.000 First of all, his blood pressure has dropped radically.

00:04:24.000 He was actually on high blood pressure medication.

00:04:28.000 And after this, after stopping drinking, just immediately his blood pressure dropped radically.

00:04:34.000 So he doesn't even need blood pressure medication if he doesn't drink.

00:04:38.000 That's amazing.

00:04:39.000 The only thing that's doing him in is the booze.

00:04:42.000 But people would come up to me about the weed.

00:04:45.000 So the weed wasn't in the original bet.

00:04:47.000 The original bet was just no booze, which I thought would be pretty easy.

00:04:50.000 And then they're like, alright, we're going to go no weed too.

00:04:53.000 And I was like, no weed? 1.00

00:04:54.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:04:55.000 Like, I'm just doing this for Bert. 1.00

00:04:56.000 Like, I don't want to stop smoking.

00:04:57.000 And then they were giving me a hard time about it.

00:04:59.000 They started this hashtag pray for Joe campaign because I was addicted to pot. 1.00

00:05:03.000 So I initially thought I'll just get off weed and not tell them until the end and go, it was fucking easy, you pussies. 1.00

00:05:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:11.000 But then Ari was making such a big deal out of it. 1.00

00:05:13.000 I had to say, actually, dude, I'm not smoking pot either.

00:05:15.000 Just to let the cat out of the bag.

00:05:17.000 Tom Segura already knew.

00:05:18.000 But people come up to you like you're not eating for a month.

00:05:22.000 Like, you okay?

00:05:23.000 Yeah, right, right.

00:05:23.000 How do you feel?

00:05:24.000 Yeah.

00:05:25.000 Are you off heroin for good?

00:05:27.000 But it's such a part of...

00:05:30.000 I don't know, for you, it never seemed like an addiction.

00:05:33.000 For my vision of you doing drugs, it's always mind-expanding, and it's always just to relax.

00:05:41.000 It's never like an addiction.

00:05:42.000 It never felt like you needed to.

00:05:44.000 I definitely don't need it, obviously.

00:05:46.000 I've had some great sets, too, which has been very interesting.

00:05:49.000 I usually like to go on stage high.

00:05:50.000 I haven't done that at all, though.

00:05:52.000 No pot...

00:05:54.000 For 17 days?

00:05:55.000 Is that what today is?

00:05:56.000 What's today?

00:05:57.000 The 17th?

00:05:58.000 So no pot for 17 days.

00:06:00.000 Where do you miss it the most?

00:06:01.000 Before going on?

00:06:03.000 No.

00:06:03.000 I haven't missed it.

00:06:04.000 Wow.

00:06:05.000 It's been weird.

00:06:06.000 You know, I was like, maybe there's going to be a moment where I'm like, wow, I'd like to have some weed.

00:06:09.000 I'm a little nervous about smoking again.

00:06:11.000 Yeah.

00:06:12.000 Because I know I'm going to get so high that I'm going to be so paranoid and all these demons are going to come creeping up into my consciousness again.

00:06:19.000 All the paranoid, psychic demons.

00:06:22.000 They're just going to come floating by. 0.99

00:06:24.000 It's like that first orgasm after you get your prostate removed. 0.99

00:06:27.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

00:06:28.000 For real.

00:06:29.000 Once you're back, it just seems like it's going to hit you way, way, way harder.

00:06:40.000 That's what everybody says.

00:06:41.000 You take a month off and then you get back on the pot.

00:06:43.000 Then you know why everybody freaks out when you get them high.

00:06:46.000 You know, because we're so used to getting high that when we get high, it's no big deal.

00:06:51.000 Yeah.

00:06:51.000 But when people don't get high, and they're like, oh, I'll smoke a little weed with you, but they haven't smoked pot maybe like six months or something like that.

00:06:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:06:58.000 Those people are fucked. 1.00

00:06:59.000 Right. 1.00

00:06:59.000 They're in a bad place. 1.00

00:07:01.000 Yeah.

00:07:02.000 I got a nice, easy rhythm going.

00:07:04.000 I got the little vape pen, and when I'm on the road, you know, Thursday, Friday night, Couple hits.

00:07:11.000 That's pretty much it.

00:07:13.000 And you never do it before shows, right?

00:07:15.000 Never.

00:07:16.000 Never, ever.

00:07:17.000 And you took a long time.

00:07:19.000 When I first met you, way back in the day, when we first started out, you had just quit booze.

00:07:26.000 Right.

00:07:26.000 Like, just quit.

00:07:28.000 Yeah.

00:07:28.000 And you weren't doing nothing.

00:07:29.000 No pot, no booze, no nothing.

00:07:31.000 Like, what was it that made you realize, I could smoke a little weed?

00:07:35.000 It was New Year's Eve of...

00:07:43.000 2004. Whoa!

00:07:45.000 So I had not smoked pot for 14 years.

00:07:49.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:07:49.000 Or drank or anything. 0.71

00:07:50.000 And then I'm standing outside of the Improv in San Francisco, and I'm with, I won't mention the manager's name, but a manager who smokes a lot of pot that we all know and love.

00:07:59.000 And the entire cast of the Marijuana Logs is Doug Benson, Tony Kameen, and Brian Posehn.

00:08:09.000 And they're all there!

00:08:10.000 It's just like a weird thing where, you know, I don't know if you've ever done New Year's Eve in San Francisco, but there's like three different venues that all do comedy.

00:08:17.000 You know, there's Cobbs, there's the Punchline, and then there's a big theater, the Palais, the Palace of Fine Arts, or whatever.

00:08:23.000 And then there's an after party at the Punchline.

00:08:25.000 And it's the greatest after party.

00:08:27.000 Because usually you go on the road and after your show, you're just kind of alone.

00:08:31.000 Maybe you got your opener or whatever and you hang out.

00:08:33.000 But this is always like, you know, every comic in San Francisco comes together.

00:08:38.000 And I'm standing out front and they're standing there with a joint and they hand it to me.

00:08:41.000 And I felt like this is the moment I'm supposed to smoke pot again.

00:08:46.000 And I did.

00:08:47.000 And... 0.98

00:08:49.000 And then the weirdest fucking thing happened is I went down to help Molly. 0.98

00:08:54.000 You know, she had a van coming from the palace and she had a box of booze that had been the backstage bar. 0.98

00:09:02.000 And she's carrying a bottle of vodka and she's walking towards the steps and this group, we were talking about San Francisco homeless people before, group of like, you know, they're like 21 and they're like street urchins.

00:09:16.000 They're like, you know, it's almost like, yeah, the warriors come out.

00:09:21.000 It's like that type of person.

00:09:23.000 And they grab the bottle of booze out of Molly's hand.

00:09:26.000 And I'm standing there with Todd Barry, Paul F. Tompkins, and like, I think Greg Proops.

00:09:32.000 There's like two guys in suits.

00:09:33.000 And so they grab this bottle from Molly and she chases after them. 0.99

00:09:37.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:09:39.000 That's not your booze. 1.00

00:09:40.000 It's the club's booze.

00:09:41.000 And she runs right in the middle of them. 1.00

00:09:44.000 And they, she grabs the bottle.

00:09:47.000 And she's fighting with this woman over it. 1.00

00:09:50.000 And these guys are surrounding her.

00:09:52.000 And I run in.

00:09:53.000 And I grab her and start pulling her out. 0.97

00:09:56.000 But at the same time, guys fist cocked, waiting to take a shot at me.

00:10:00.000 And I'm yelling to these guys, Hey, how about a little help here?

00:10:04.000 And nothing.

00:10:05.000 And so I kind of pull her out of there.

00:10:08.000 And we half run away.

00:10:11.000 And then as we're walking up the stairs, they threw a blockbuster.

00:10:15.000 An M-80.

00:10:16.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:10:17.000 And it landed right near us, and it blew out... 0.84

00:10:21.000 Oh, and there was a lesbian... 1.00

00:10:23.000 For people who don't know what that means, it's a firecracker. 0.96

00:10:25.000 Like a super big...

00:10:26.000 It's an eighth of a stick of dynamite.

00:10:27.000 Is it really that much?

00:10:28.000 Yeah, that's what an M-80 is.

00:10:30.000 Jesus Christ, I didn't know it was that powerful.

00:10:31.000 Yeah, I mean, you feel it in your chest.

00:10:34.000 And blew out Molly's hearing for like a year.

00:10:39.000 And, uh, people were crying.

00:10:41.000 It was, like, really traumatic.

00:10:43.000 And I'm high. 0.99

00:10:44.000 I'm like, this is the fucking worst. 1.00

00:10:47.000 After 14 years, I was just like, fuck, this is nuts. 1.00

00:10:51.000 I was walking the girl back to the hotel because she was sobbing. 1.00

00:10:54.000 It wasn't Tig.

00:10:56.000 It was a lesbian comedian who had a girlfriend with her. 1.00

00:10:59.000 And, uh... 1.00

00:11:00.000 Yeah, it was fucking crazy. 0.99

00:11:02.000 Whoa. 0.99

00:11:03.000 Yeah.

00:11:04.000 Yeah, we were talking about how San Francisco is just a little bit too lenient with their homeless population.

00:11:09.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:11:09.000 They're just a little silly with it. 0.98

00:11:11.000 And we were talking about how they have it mapped out where people shit in the streets now. 1.00

00:11:16.000 So you could avoid human shit. 1.00

00:11:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:19.000 It's either a website or an app. 1.00

00:11:21.000 I'm not sure which one it is, but they're basically keeping up-to-date human poo stats.

00:11:27.000 How do they know it's human versus dog?

00:11:29.000 Probably smells worse. 1.00

00:11:32.000 People are gross. 0.97

00:11:33.000 Maybe there's a little toilet paper next to it? 1.00

00:11:34.000 My dogs shit all over the house last night. 0.97

00:11:37.000 My dogs, I have a young dog and two old dogs, right? 0.98

00:11:42.000 And my big old dog is a Mastiff, and he's super cool with every dog.

00:11:47.000 Any dog comes over, hey, how you doing?

00:11:49.000 He's super friendly. 0.98

00:11:50.000 But my little dog is kind of a twat. 0.95

00:11:53.000 Is something going on with the lights? 0.97

00:11:54.000 They just dim?

00:11:55.000 Yeah.

00:11:56.000 Oh, they're turning off.

00:11:58.000 Oh, scary.

00:12:00.000 Scary, spooky.

00:12:01.000 What kind of dog is the little dog?

00:12:03.000 What is that, Jamie?

00:12:04.000 It's the motion sensor.

00:12:05.000 That's why we're getting it replaced.

00:12:07.000 Oh, so things were not here.

00:12:09.000 Oh, well, how do we fix that? 0.99

00:12:12.000 That's dumb. 0.98

00:12:13.000 Okay. 0.97

00:12:14.000 Anyway, the little dog is a...

00:12:16.000 He's not that little.

00:12:17.000 He's a medium-sized dog, I guess.

00:12:18.000 He's a Shibu Inu English Bulldog mix, right?

00:12:22.000 Nice.

00:12:22.000 And he has an issue with any dog.

00:12:28.000 He's a little cunt. 1.00

00:12:29.000 Like, any dog is like... 1.00

00:12:30.000 Yeah.

00:12:31.000 And the puppy is 11 months old to have a golden retriever.

00:12:36.000 He's the sweetest dog in the world.

00:12:37.000 Oh, that's great.

00:12:37.000 He's the best.

00:12:39.000 But he can't go near the bulldog.

00:12:40.000 The bulldog bit him in his face when he was a puppy. 1.00

00:12:42.000 No shit! 0.99

00:12:43.000 Really hurt him, like put a big cut in his nose and I take him to the vet. 1.00

00:12:47.000 So two of the dogs sleep in this one little contained area, but they opened up the door and wandered around the house and just took a shit in the middle of the living room, pissed on the wall. 0.84

00:13:00.000 And they did all this because the other dog is in the house. 0.98

00:13:03.000 The other dog is in there like, well, if he's in here, we're just going to shit all over the place and mark this place up. 0.84

00:13:08.000 They'd never done that before. 0.80

00:13:09.000 So it was really interesting.

00:13:12.000 Like dog psychology.

00:13:13.000 Like they were pissed that the other dog gets to be in better spots than them. 0.99

00:13:18.000 So they just decided to shit in the living room. 1.00

00:13:21.000 Wow. 0.99

00:13:22.000 That's a statement. 1.00

00:13:24.000 Shit. 1.00

00:13:25.000 They made their statement. 1.00

00:13:28.000 It's funny because the big one, I could have him with the new dog, no problem.

00:13:33.000 He loves them.

00:13:34.000 They play together.

00:13:36.000 He has a great time, but I just don't trust that other one.

00:13:39.000 So what are you going to do? 1.00

00:13:40.000 Shoot the other one in the head. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Hunting accident? 1.00

00:13:46.000 No.

00:13:46.000 Just keep them separated.

00:13:48.000 I mean, I can have them around together when I'm there.

00:13:51.000 He's a cool old dog.

00:13:53.000 He likes people.

00:13:54.000 He loves people.

00:13:55.000 People come over, he loves you.

00:13:56.000 He's a very sweet dog.

00:13:58.000 It's apparently an English Bulldog trait.

00:14:01.000 They just do not like other dogs.

00:14:03.000 Yeah.

00:14:03.000 They just don't.

00:14:04.000 They want all the love.

00:14:05.000 They're tough dogs.

00:14:05.000 And they have a lot of health issues.

00:14:07.000 They fucking wheeze. 0.99

00:14:08.000 He's had two surgeries on his knees. 1.00

00:14:11.000 Both his front knees are fucked up. 0.99

00:14:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:14.000 He's just got like...

00:14:15.000 They just...

00:14:16.000 It's a terrible thing what they've done.

00:14:18.000 Designing them like that.

00:14:20.000 Taking them and putting them into this...

00:14:22.000 Shape that's really not supposed to exist.

00:14:25.000 Shortening their nose. 0.99

00:14:26.000 Yeah, it's like it's really fucked up. 0.99

00:14:27.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:14:28.000 What they've done.

00:14:29.000 Yeah.

00:14:29.000 Yeah, that breed may need to be put down.

00:14:32.000 Well, it's weird.

00:14:34.000 Like, why?

00:14:35.000 Why did anybody decide to have a dog that has a flat face, that can't breathe, can't walk very good?

00:14:40.000 Yeah.

00:14:41.000 They're always in pain, so they just want to lie down.

00:14:44.000 Yeah.

00:14:44.000 Like, those dogs, they're not ball chasers.

00:14:46.000 Right. 1.00

00:14:47.000 You throw a ball to an English Bulldog, he's like, fuck off, man. 1.00

00:14:51.000 I'm not running after that thing. 1.00

00:14:52.000 Everything hurts.

00:14:53.000 They just waddle everywhere.

00:14:55.000 Yeah.

00:14:55.000 You know?

00:14:56.000 It's weird because the original bulldog was a dog that they literally used to use for what they call bull baiting.

00:15:05.000 What bull baiting is, they would tie a bull down so it couldn't go anywhere, and then they would sick the dogs on the bull. 0.97

00:15:13.000 That's what a bulldog is.

00:15:15.000 Yeah?

00:15:15.000 Yeah.

00:15:15.000 It's like sport.

00:15:16.000 What was the point of that?

00:15:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:15:19.000 Just to fuck with the bull? 1.00

00:15:20.000 I'd have to look into it. 1.00

00:15:21.000 No, I think it was like a bedding thing.

00:15:23.000 Oh.

00:15:23.000 You know, it's like a blood sport thing.

00:15:25.000 Yeah.

00:15:26.000 That's originally what a bulldog looked like.

00:15:29.000 Do you know what American bulldog looks like?

00:15:31.000 No.

00:15:32.000 American bulldog is like sort of pit bull-esque, but larger.

00:15:36.000 Like much larger.

00:15:38.000 American bulldog has got kind of a pit bull-like face, sort of a flat nose, but nothing like an English bulldog.

00:15:46.000 They're really smart dogs.

00:15:47.000 They're very good dogs.

00:15:48.000 A buddy might have had one, and it was a great dog.

00:15:52.000 They're tanks.

00:15:53.000 They're like this big, jacked up, but a totally functional dog.

00:15:57.000 They run, they use them for protection.

00:16:00.000 They're just really good dogs. 0.99

00:16:03.000 And the English version of them is like, what that dog is, is like, I might be fucking this up, but I think they took that dog and somehow or another bred it down to this really gross, cute, fat, flat-nosed, shitty, 0.99

00:16:18.000 breathing English bulldog. 0.99

00:16:20.000 Did they want it to look like the royal family? 1.00

00:16:22.000 Yeah, they had them fuck only their sisters. 1.00

00:16:26.000 Only fuck your sister. 1.00

00:16:27.000 Only fuck your sister. 1.00

00:16:28.000 And then they took those puppies. 1.00

00:16:30.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:16:30.000 You can't fuck your sister. 1.00

00:16:32.000 Okay. 1.00

00:16:32.000 And then your babies fuck each other. 1.00

00:16:34.000 Your babies fuck each other. 1.00

00:16:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:37.000 You look fine.

00:16:39.000 It was Irish.

00:16:40.000 I don't know, man.

00:16:42.000 It's weird that they all came from wolves. 1.00

00:16:44.000 You know, a wolf could fuck an English bulldog and get it pregnant. 1.00

00:16:47.000 That's what's incredible. 1.00

00:16:49.000 No shit. 0.98

00:16:50.000 The genetics are the same. 1.00

00:16:51.000 They didn't know this until, like, I want to say less than a decade ago.

00:16:56.000 They used to think that all wolves...

00:16:59.000 We're like wolves.

00:17:00.000 And then dogs were like a combination of a bunch of different things.

00:17:04.000 Wild cannids like jackals and coyotes and all these different things.

00:17:09.000 And that we had somehow or another bred them down.

00:17:12.000 Because there's no real record of how anybody ever did that.

00:17:15.000 And if you go back to the history of domesticated dogs, it spans over 10,000 years.

00:17:20.000 So it predates human history. 0.98

00:17:21.000 We really don't know how the fuck anybody made a chihuahua. 0.99

00:17:24.000 We just know that it's chihuahuas. 0.99

00:17:26.000 Right.

00:17:26.000 I know that the first domesticated dogs were the ones that basically were, you know, docile, that could come near the fire.

00:17:36.000 Yes.

00:17:37.000 And so the ones that were friendlier and nicer kept and they killed the other ones.

00:17:41.000 I put up a picture on Instagram yesterday. 0.98

00:17:44.000 I reposted something somebody sent me where this fucking lady found a young coyote and she thought it was a dog and she washed it and they put it up on Facebook. 1.00

00:17:53.000 It's fucking... 0.99

00:17:54.000 And she's like, it's kind of aggressive, but now it's sleeping, and it's like a little coyote, and this lady's washing a fucking coyote in the tub. 1.00

00:18:02.000 And are people just writing, Lady! 0.99

00:18:05.000 Get it out of the house! 1.00

00:18:08.000 It's kind of hilarious. 0.99

00:18:09.000 She gets her period, and it just fucking lunges at her. 1.00

00:18:12.000 Attacks her. 1.00

00:18:13.000 There it is.

00:18:14.000 Look at that.

00:18:15.000 Lost dog found in Chamberlain Road.

00:18:17.000 No collar.

00:18:18.000 Seems a bit aggressive. 0.79

00:18:19.000 Also, doesn't like bass, but she was pretty dirty. 1.00

00:18:21.000 Took most of the night, but she's resting comfy now on the bed.

00:18:25.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

00:18:26.000 That is a fucking coyote, obviously. 1.00

00:18:29.000 And it's obviously a little one, too. 1.00

00:18:31.000 Yeah.

00:18:32.000 It's probably a young one, like a yearling or something.

00:18:35.000 Yeah, you can't domesticate a coyote.

00:18:37.000 But you can, in a weird way.

00:18:38.000 I know a guy who...

00:18:40.000 Well, I don't know him, but I follow his Instagram account.

00:18:43.000 I forget his name. 1.00

00:18:45.000 Shit. 1.00

00:18:46.000 But anyway, oddly enough, this guy has dogs that he uses to hunt coyotes with. 1.00

00:18:54.000 Which is really crazy.

00:18:55.000 Hunt to kill? 1.00

00:18:56.000 Hunt to kill.

00:18:57.000 And he found coyote puppies in a den.

00:19:01.000 And so they found these coyote puppies in the den, and he felt bad that these little coyote puppies, like, I don't know what happened to the mother.

00:19:11.000 So they raised one.

00:19:12.000 So he took a coyote puppy in, and now it lives with him.

00:19:17.000 Wow!

00:19:17.000 Yeah, and it gets along, like, the only problem is when they feed it.

00:19:20.000 Is that him?

00:19:22.000 Could be.

00:19:23.000 Looks like a German Shepherd.

00:19:25.000 Yeah, I mean, but he's had it since it was a baby.

00:19:28.000 The dog, I think that is, I don't know if that's him.

00:19:32.000 But this guy has all this video of it on his site of him with this coyote puppy with his other dogs. 0.99

00:19:40.000 They're all barking together and shit. 0.99

00:19:42.000 And he said the only problem, they get along great until it's time to eat. 1.00

00:19:46.000 And when it's time to eat, the coyote's like, fuck off! 1.00

00:19:49.000 Everybody, fuck off! 1.00

00:19:51.000 This is like full feral as soon as it's time to eat. 1.00

00:19:55.000 But he's had the thing since, I think he said it was a couple months old when he got it.

00:19:59.000 Just freshly weaned.

00:20:01.000 That's amazing.

00:20:02.000 Yeah, you can raise them.

00:20:04.000 But they're wolves.

00:20:05.000 Coyotes are wolves.

00:20:06.000 My friends have a dingo. 0.99

00:20:08.000 What?

00:20:09.000 Yeah.

00:20:09.000 Did it eat the baby?

00:20:11.000 Dingo ate the baby!

00:20:13.000 A dingo ate my baby.

00:20:15.000 And this thing is the same way. 1.00

00:20:16.000 If you got some food on the counter and it's four feet off the ground, that fucking thing, you leave the room for one second, that food is gone. 0.99

00:20:24.000 Yeah, they're just feral. 1.00

00:20:25.000 Yeah.

00:20:25.000 What's funny, my puppy was like that when he was little.

00:20:28.000 I mean, that's how puppies are.

00:20:30.000 But I forgot, because I haven't had a puppy in a while.

00:20:33.000 And I was eating, and I put some food on his plate, and he saw it, and he was like, Oh, I want some of that.

00:20:40.000 He jumped up, put his feet on the table, leaned in and tried to bite it and got a piece of meat in his mouth. 1.00

00:20:46.000 And I was like, hey, fucker. 1.00

00:20:47.000 And I'm like, oh, I got to teach him this. 1.00

00:20:49.000 Because they don't know.

00:20:50.000 They feel like, well, the food's right there.

00:20:52.000 Time to get the food.

00:20:53.000 There's the food.

00:20:53.000 I see it.

00:20:54.000 There it is.

00:20:55.000 It's right there.

00:20:55.000 Yeah, our neighbors were having people over.

00:20:57.000 They were having a party, and I was over there, and they had a husky, a fucking badass Alaskan husky. 0.98

00:21:03.000 And this thing was, you know, beyond puppy. 0.98

00:21:05.000 It was big. 0.97

00:21:06.000 And they had meatballs, Swedish meatballs, like four platters of them, right out of the oven, still fucking hot. 0.94

00:21:12.000 And they left the room, and they came back, and they were gone. 0.97

00:21:16.000 He ate all of them?

00:21:16.000 All the Swedish meatballs.

00:21:18.000 Hot. 0.99

00:21:19.000 He didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:21:21.000 Yeah, he's like, here's my chance. 1.00

00:21:22.000 Have a full belly or have a, you know, or burn your tongue and have a full belly or not. 0.69

00:21:27.000 No food.

00:21:27.000 And this is an Irish party.

00:21:29.000 This wasn't like, there's Swedish meatballs and there's sausage.

00:21:33.000 No. 0.99

00:21:34.000 Irish is one fucking thing and now it's gone. 1.00

00:21:37.000 The Swedish meatballs are gone. 1.00

00:21:38.000 The dog ate all the food.

00:21:40.000 Yeah.

00:21:40.000 It's a weird relationship that humans have with dogs.

00:21:43.000 Because you know, a lot of people have dogs that sleep in their beds, they come with you places, they hop in the car, and then there's the assholes that have those emotional support dogs. 0.56

00:21:54.000 Yeah, is the jury out on that still? 1.00

00:21:58.000 It's a fucking ridiculous part of modern 21st century life that we allow that stupid shit. 1.00

00:22:05.000 I was in a fucking restaurant, like a really nice restaurant. 1.00

00:22:08.000 This lady came in, and she's a lady from Real Housewives. 1.00

00:22:12.000 She was one of those, uh, what's, no, not the show, Desperate Housewives. 0.61

00:22:16.000 She's a famous actress. 0.99

00:22:17.000 I don't want to say her name.

00:22:18.000 Very pretty lady.

00:22:19.000 She hit the skids, though. 1.00

00:22:22.000 But anyway, she brings in this fucking dog, and people are looking at her like, what? 1.00

00:22:28.000 It's a dog, like a golden lab, like a big dog. 1.00

00:22:31.000 And she brings this dog in, and she's sitting there eating, and this dog's on the floor, where you might drop a fry, or your fork, and pick it up and wipe it off, and this dog's assholes just rubbing on the ground right there. 0.60

00:22:43.000 I mean, basically, you have this... 0.99

00:22:46.000 This animal's dick is like rubbing on the ground and rubbing on things and dirt on its feet. 1.00

00:22:51.000 It's probably stepping in shit. 1.00

00:22:53.000 And people have allergies to dogs. 1.00

00:22:55.000 100%. 0.99

00:22:56.000 They fucked up their night. 1.00

00:22:57.000 100%. 0.99

00:22:58.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:22:58.000 And it's somehow or another, they can get a note from their doctor that says they're too fucking weak to exist without this dog with them 24 hours a day. 0.98

00:23:08.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:23:08.000 It's an emotional support dog. 0.98

00:23:10.000 There's a lot of comics that have them.

00:23:12.000 Yeah, but it's like a loophole.

00:23:14.000 Like Natasha has one, but she like openly admits it's a loophole.

00:23:18.000 So she can bring the dog everywhere. 1.00

00:23:19.000 She's got a doctor's note.

00:23:21.000 Yeah.

00:23:21.000 It says she's soft.

00:23:23.000 Yeah.

00:23:24.000 I think it's...

00:23:25.000 What's her name's has to be?

00:23:28.000 Eliza's must be.

00:23:29.000 Does she have it set up?

00:23:30.000 Yeah.

00:23:30.000 I'm sure.

00:23:31.000 That thing doesn't leave her side. 0.67

00:23:33.000 Yeah.

00:23:34.000 She'll make you watch it though when she goes on stage. 0.77

00:23:36.000 Here, hold this, Greg.

00:23:37.000 Yeah, right, right.

00:23:37.000 You're like, what?

00:23:38.000 What?

00:23:39.000 Yeah.

00:23:39.000 I know.

00:23:41.000 And then people finger it.

00:23:42.000 I love...

00:23:43.000 I don't.

00:23:44.000 Not me.

00:23:44.000 No, a lot of people do.

00:23:45.000 That's what I hear. 0.99

00:23:46.000 I heard the dog waits for her to go out and then just takes its ass in the air and starts running at you. 0.99

00:23:51.000 It presents. 0.99

00:23:51.000 Yeah, it presents. 0.99

00:23:52.000 It just literally runs backwards.

00:23:56.000 She's going to hear this and be so mad. 1.00

00:23:58.000 We're kidding, Eliza.

00:23:59.000 We're kidding.

00:24:00.000 Don't call her Eliza either.

00:24:01.000 She'll get mad at that, too.

00:24:02.000 My name is Eliza.

00:24:03.000 Eliza.

00:24:04.000 You know, she doesn't use the last name anymore? 1.00

00:24:05.000 Well, neither does...

00:24:07.000 Well, Christina is Christina P now.

00:24:09.000 Really?

00:24:10.000 Sebastian Maniscalco is just Sebastian now. 0.98

00:24:12.000 A lot of white people getting crazy lately. 0.64

00:24:14.000 Tig Notaro is just Tig. 0.90

00:24:15.000 Is that cultural appropriation?

00:24:17.000 To use a white person? 0.52

00:24:19.000 To use only one name?

00:24:20.000 I always forget.

00:24:22.000 What's cultural appropriation?

00:24:23.000 We need to constantly be reminded.

00:24:25.000 I tweeted something today. 0.99

00:24:26.000 I was reading a fucking article and I almost punched my screen. 0.99

00:24:29.000 They're saying that hoop earrings are cultural appropriation. 1.00

00:24:33.000 Girls aren't allowed to wear hoop earrings. 1.00

00:24:36.000 Really?

00:24:37.000 Cultural appropriation! 1.00

00:24:39.000 Damn! 1.00

00:24:40.000 Do you know how fucking privileged you have to be? 1.00

00:24:43.000 Look at that, hoop earrings criticizes cultural appropriation. 0.99

00:24:47.000 Do you know how soft you have to be to give in to that? 1.00

00:24:51.000 To get into that and how fucking dumb you have to be to say that. 1.00

00:24:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:57.000 You have to be so dumb. 1.00

00:24:58.000 It's almost racist. 1.00

00:25:00.000 I think it's the opposite.

00:25:01.000 It's racist. 0.97

00:25:01.000 It's racist against white people. 0.97

00:25:03.000 No, it's racist against black people. 0.98

00:25:04.000 What? 1.00

00:25:05.000 They're jungle people that only wear giant fucking hoops in their ears? 1.00

00:25:10.000 What I read was Latinas. 1.00

00:25:12.000 Latinas are criticizing it and saying it's a part of their culture.

00:25:15.000 Oh, it's their culture.

00:25:16.000 Yeah, it's like people are just picking turns.

00:25:18.000 Oh, I thought it was a black thing. 0.99

00:25:18.000 No, black people don't want girls to wear braids. 0.99

00:25:21.000 Oh. 0.99

00:25:23.000 Cornrows.

00:25:24.000 Can't wear cornrows.

00:25:25.000 Yeah, you can wear like regular white people braids. 0.98

00:25:27.000 But little skinny braids?

00:25:28.000 That's cultural appropriation.

00:25:30.000 What about Goldilocks?

00:25:31.000 She was white.

00:25:31.000 What about golf shirts?

00:25:33.000 Are they allowed to wear golf shirts?

00:25:35.000 Right.

00:25:37.000 They shouldn't be.

00:25:38.000 If they're going to get crazy with these braids, it's not we.

00:25:40.000 Green pants, yellow belts.

00:25:43.000 The entire country is a melting pot of cultural appropriation. 1.00

00:25:49.000 You dumb cunts! 1.00

00:25:50.000 That is the whole idea of having a civilization. 1.00

00:25:53.000 You get to share each other's food, share each other's recipes, listen to each other's music, listen to each other's jokes and stories, buy each other's clothes.

00:26:07.000 Journalists that went to Japan and they were talking about cultural appropriation, whether or not they thought that white girls like Katy Perry wearing the geisha outfit was cultural appropriation.

00:26:17.000 And they were universally saying, no, we're happy that people love Japanese culture and that they do that.

00:26:24.000 They're happy.

00:26:26.000 But over here, you get these... 1.00

00:26:29.000 Fucking dummies that are just looking to complain and criticize and just call out everything and everybody about everything. 1.00

00:26:36.000 Yeah, it's uh, oh my god. 1.00

00:26:39.000 I see this.

00:26:40.000 What is this?

00:26:41.000 No, Jeremy Lin?

00:26:42.000 Yeah, so he came out with a in the preseason I think he had dreadlocks in his hair and a former NBA player called him out on it Kenyon Martin But Jeremy Lin's response to it was actually really good if you want to check that out.

00:26:55.000 Hey man, it's all good.

00:26:55.000 You don't have to like my hair and definitely entitled to your opinion.

00:26:58.000 Actually, I legit grateful you sharing it, TBH, to be honest.

00:27:03.000 At the end of the day, I appreciate that I have dreads and you have Chinese tattoos. 1.00

00:27:08.000 There you go.

00:27:09.000 Because I think it's a side of respect.

00:27:10.000 And I think as minorities, the more we appreciate each other's cultures, the more we influence mainstream society.

00:27:15.000 Thanks for everything you did for the Nets and Hoops.

00:27:18.000 Had your poster up on my wall growing up. 0.99

00:27:20.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:27:21.000 That's really classy. 1.00

00:27:24.000 Somebody really need to tell him, like, alright, bro, we get it, you want to be black, like, we get it, but the last name is Lin, alright? 0.99

00:27:32.000 Well, he's a fucking- Wait, who said that? 0.99

00:27:34.000 The other guy. 1.00

00:27:35.000 Who is the other guy?

00:27:36.000 Kenyon Martin.

00:27:37.000 Kenyon Martin.

00:27:38.000 Usually there's a picture of his Chinese tattoos.

00:27:40.000 But it's been removed?

00:27:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:42.000 Well, he's a dummy. 0.96

00:27:43.000 And that Jeremy Lin guy is a very classy character for the way he answered it. 0.98

00:27:46.000 First of all, dreads are not black.

00:27:48.000 They were a sign of people not washing their hair that dates back to the Greeks and the Romans.

00:27:54.000 There's ancient sculptures of Caucasian looking people with dreadlocks.

00:27:58.000 Dreadlocks were worn by the Vikings.

00:28:00.000 It's not a black thing.

00:28:01.000 Hmm.

00:28:01.000 Because some black people wear them does not mean it's...

00:28:04.000 I mean, the idea that this is a real thing, this cultural appropriation, that people go around pointing at people, saying, you can't wear your hair a certain way.

00:28:13.000 Like, we're limiting hairstyles.

00:28:15.000 And it's just, so many people are just looking forward to criticizing and getting shitty with people over almost nothing.

00:28:22.000 Yeah.

00:28:22.000 It's just...

00:28:22.000 No, the whole energy of this country is supposed to be Complete assimilation.

00:28:29.000 Like you said, let's pick the best shit from each culture and make it just American hodgepodge. 0.97

00:28:35.000 And that's what it's about with gentrification. 0.99

00:28:38.000 You know, you want people to not all live in one neighborhood and all dress exactly the same as each other.

00:28:44.000 You want there to be a merging of different looks, different addresses, working in different trades.

00:28:50.000 You know, there used to be, if you were Irish, you were a cop.

00:28:54.000 That's it. 0.99

00:28:54.000 That's what we fucking did. 0.99

00:28:56.000 You know, we were cops or we were soldiers. 0.98

00:28:58.000 When we first came over here in like the 1860s during the famine, they just... 0.96

00:29:02.000 We got off the boat hungry and they threw a fucking uniform on us and sent us in to fight front lines against the South. 0.97

00:29:08.000 Or you were a cop. 0.99

00:29:10.000 And then after that, they got into the trades.

00:29:12.000 There's a lot of Irish people in unions.

00:29:14.000 Right.

00:29:15.000 You know, a lot of Irish in the Longshoremen's Union.

00:29:17.000 A lot of Irish in the, you know, the Carpenters' Union.

00:29:20.000 Yeah.

00:29:20.000 But...

00:29:21.000 Look, fusion restaurants.

00:29:23.000 What's a fusion restaurant?

00:29:24.000 You take a couple different cultures, you combine their food into some sort of a unique thing.

00:29:29.000 And it was a big thing for a while.

00:29:31.000 People loved fusion.

00:29:32.000 They loved that kind of food.

00:29:34.000 And now there's a ton of people complaining when white people cook Mexican food. 0.88

00:29:40.000 Like there's this famous guy, I forget his name, can't be that famous.

00:29:44.000 Mm-hmm.

00:29:59.000 But this guy's been writing books about Mexican cuisine.

00:30:02.000 He goes down to Mexico.

00:30:04.000 He learns how to cook authentic Mexican dishes from people that live in these villages and towns in Mexico.

00:30:10.000 And like has a deep love and appreciation for the culture of Mexico.

00:30:16.000 Yeah.

00:30:16.000 I mean, this guy's essentially a Mexican cuisine scholar.

00:30:20.000 And all these people give this fucking poor guy... 0.99

00:30:23.000 That's his name. 1.00

00:30:23.000 What is his name? 1.00

00:30:25.000 Rick Bayless.

00:30:27.000 And he's famous.

00:30:28.000 I mean, I've read one of his books on Mexican food.

00:30:32.000 And I've seen articles written on him and video interviews and stuff and this guy is getting in trouble with other people.

00:30:40.000 When chefs become famous, cooking other cultures food. 1.00

00:30:43.000 You don't own your culture, you fucking idiot. 1.00

00:30:46.000 You know why? 1.00

00:30:47.000 Because you didn't create it.

00:30:48.000 You didn't invent pizza.

00:30:49.000 You didn't invent pasta.

00:30:51.000 You didn't invent Chinese food. 0.99

00:30:53.000 It's been around for hundreds of fucking years. 1.00

00:30:55.000 You were just born. 0.99

00:30:57.000 You were born with a certain ethnicity.

00:31:17.000 Various aspects of culture that they enjoy.

00:31:21.000 It's insanity.

00:31:22.000 Yeah.

00:31:23.000 It's insanity.

00:31:23.000 I know.

00:31:24.000 Think about how Italians have affected fashion in this country. 1.00

00:31:29.000 Sure.

00:31:30.000 I mean, from high fashion all the way down to the disco era.

00:31:35.000 How about rap music?

00:31:36.000 They were all calling themselves Gotti.

00:31:38.000 Right.

00:31:38.000 They were all calling Al Capone.

00:31:40.000 Yeah.

00:31:40.000 I mean, come on, man.

00:31:41.000 I mean, how many fucking rap songs... 0.99

00:31:44.000 Like, have Godfather lyrics in them. 1.00

00:31:47.000 It's just... 1.00

00:31:47.000 Cut the shit. 1.00

00:31:48.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:31:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:50.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:31:51.000 And that's my culture. 1.00

00:31:52.000 I'll tell you, you can have it.

00:31:53.000 That's why I love...

00:31:54.000 One of the seminal moments in American culture was Aerosmith getting together with DMC and doing Walk This Way.

00:32:00.000 That's what America's supposed to be.

00:32:03.000 Yeah, it's just...

00:32:03.000 It's kids today looking to point the finger at the world they see And looking to find fault in it.

00:32:13.000 And find fault in each other.

00:32:14.000 And it's this call-out culture that we see. 1.00

00:32:17.000 There's plenty of shit that's wrong in the world. 1.00

00:32:21.000 There's plenty of shit. 1.00

00:32:22.000 And I guess this is just a byproduct of people having the freedom to communicate. 1.00

00:32:26.000 I mean, I guess that's what we're seeing. 0.99

00:32:28.000 But there's plenty of shit to really pay attention to. 0.98

00:32:32.000 Jeremy Lin wearing dreadlocks isn't on that list. 0.99

00:32:35.000 You know?

00:32:35.000 Yeah.

00:32:37.000 They're not on that list. 1.00

00:32:39.000 It's just fucking... 1.00

00:32:40.000 White kids that wear baggy pants? 1.00

00:32:42.000 So what?

00:32:43.000 Yeah, so what? 1.00

00:32:43.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00

00:32:44.000 Yeah, to me that's a sign that they're like accepting black culture. 1.00

00:32:48.000 That they want to intermix.

00:32:50.000 They want to hang out together and share each other's fashions and ideas and drugs and women.

00:32:56.000 Well, the white people, especially like from the suburbs, have always looked towards black people that grew up in difficult circumstances.

00:33:07.000 And admired something about how tough they were or how, you know, street smart or how cool they were.

00:33:17.000 They were people that, look, it takes pressure to make a diamond.

00:33:22.000 You don't make a diamond in Sherman Oaks.

00:33:25.000 You know?

00:33:26.000 Yeah.

00:33:26.000 Oh, we went to the Galleria.

00:33:28.000 It was crazy.

00:33:28.000 We went to the food court.

00:33:29.000 We're radical.

00:33:30.000 Yeah.

00:33:30.000 No, that's not, you know, those people that live in these, like, safe suburban neighborhoods, the one thing that the troubled kids coming up want to be, they want to be associated in some way with something tougher, something harder, something where,

00:33:47.000 you know, people have had to earn their stripes.

00:33:49.000 Yeah.

00:33:50.000 That's why they have this love of rap music, especially gangster rap.

00:33:54.000 That's always been an issue with young white kids.

00:33:59.000 Since gangster rap was invented, there's always been young white kids who live in the suburbs. 0.89

00:34:06.000 It's always comical watching them sing the lyrics, talking about robbing people and shooting people and dealing drugs.

00:34:14.000 Meanwhile, they're living in Thousand Oaks or something.

00:34:16.000 Yeah.

00:34:17.000 Whose son was it?

00:34:18.000 Was it, like, Tom Hanks' son?

00:34:19.000 Yes, yes.

00:34:20.000 The big rapper? 1.00

00:34:21.000 Tom Hanks' son is a rapper, and he gets so much shit. 1.00

00:34:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:25.000 I don't know if Tom Hanks has commented on it, but it's gotta suck. 1.00

00:34:30.000 Yeah, because he's gotta support him. 0.97

00:34:31.000 It's his son.

00:34:33.000 But the kid is like...

00:34:34.000 That's it?

00:34:35.000 Oh, my God.

00:34:37.000 Does it say limo life?

00:34:38.000 Limo life!

00:34:39.000 It says that on his knuckles?

00:34:41.000 Oh, good Lord.

00:34:43.000 Oh, boy.

00:34:45.000 Oh, boy.

00:34:45.000 Poor Tom Hanks.

00:34:46.000 He did everything right.

00:34:48.000 What did he do wrong?

00:34:48.000 Yeah, but he didn't do everything right.

00:34:50.000 See, because he's working all the time.

00:34:52.000 Yeah, he worked too much.

00:34:53.000 Yeah, if you're working all the time...

00:34:55.000 Is that his son with the green hair and the neck tattoos in the lower right-hand corner?

00:34:58.000 Click on that.

00:34:59.000 That's the Green Day guy, isn't it?

00:35:00.000 Is it?

00:35:01.000 I don't know.

00:35:01.000 Is it?

00:35:03.000 Tommy Hilfiger's son.

00:35:04.000 I apologize. 1.00

00:35:05.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:35:07.000 Tommy Hilfiger's son has... 1.00

00:35:09.000 Limo Life.

00:35:10.000 He's a rapper as well.

00:35:11.000 Oh, terrific.

00:35:13.000 All you need is a neck tattoo.

00:35:14.000 Yeah.

00:35:15.000 And he's smoking cigarettes.

00:35:16.000 Yeah.

00:35:17.000 No, it's true.

00:35:18.000 That kind of working too much. 0.96

00:35:19.000 Jamie's racist. 0.96

00:35:20.000 All white people are the same to him. 0.99

00:35:22.000 Yeah, what's up with you, man?

00:35:25.000 Do me and Joe look the same to you?

00:35:26.000 Tommy Hilfiger, Tom Hanks, same thing.

00:35:28.000 Great.

00:35:29.000 Same thing to Jamie.

00:35:30.000 No, he's not...

00:35:31.000 He's not that. 0.78

00:35:32.000 Oh, he's jacked. 0.99

00:35:35.000 Damn, he's good looking. 1.00

00:35:38.000 He's probably getting all the pussy. 1.00

00:35:39.000 Oh, Howard Stern had him. 1.00

00:35:40.000 He's carrying two guns!

00:35:42.000 Oh, no.

00:35:44.000 He feuds with Howard Stern?

00:35:46.000 What?

00:35:47.000 He threatens him.

00:35:48.000 Hold on.

00:35:48.000 Go to that site.

00:35:49.000 Visit, please.

00:35:50.000 What is that about?

00:35:52.000 What is this?

00:35:53.000 Tom, what, scroll down, scroll, we could read that?

00:35:55.000 Tom, Tom Hanks' rapper son feuds with Howard Stern, threatens violence.

00:36:01.000 Make that larger, please.

00:36:04.000 Tom Hanks' rapper son Chester, a.k.a.

00:36:07.000 Chet Hayes, took to Twitter to threaten radio shock jock Howard Stern this week after Stern questioned Hayes' gangsta credentials as the son of a famous Hollywood celebrity.

00:36:21.000 Oh my god, he joked that Tom Hanks must be annoyed that his son pretends to be a hardened rapper while he grew up in a Tony, California summer.

00:36:29.000 I always love that word, Tony.

00:36:31.000 Only people use it for posh.

00:36:33.000 Where'd he grow up?

00:36:33.000 Beverly Hills?

00:36:34.000 Stern joked?

00:36:35.000 That's... 1.00

00:36:35.000 What a fucking douche. 1.00

00:36:38.000 So what did he say? 1.00

00:36:40.000 What did he say? 1.00

00:36:42.000 Hayes unleashed a torrent of tweets threatening violence calling him a fucking jerry-curled cunt. 1.00

00:36:48.000 What is he saying? 1.00

00:36:49.000 Oh.

00:36:50.000 He said, Hayes then knocks Stern for not having much bread

00:37:20.000 as his family.

00:37:21.000 As much bread.

00:37:22.000 As much bread.

00:37:23.000 Oh, as his family.

00:37:24.000 Despite the fact that according to Forbes, Stern is worth an estimated $95 million.

00:37:28.000 $95.

00:37:28.000 He gets $500 million every two years.

00:37:32.000 It's something crazy like that, right?

00:37:33.000 Yeah.

00:37:54.000 Wow.

00:37:55.000 Imagine if that was your kid.

00:37:57.000 Imagine if that was your kid. 0.99

00:37:58.000 I would choke him unconscious. 1.00

00:38:00.000 I would fucking take him down, I would take his back, and I would put him to sleep, and then I'd take pictures of my dick on his forehead. 1.00

00:38:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:07.000 Yeah.

00:38:09.000 How to outline it.

00:38:11.000 That's intervention time. 1.00

00:38:13.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

00:38:14.000 You're threatening the greatest radio personality in the history of the known universe because he said you're a fucking goof. 1.00

00:38:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:21.000 And what do you do? 1.00

00:38:22.000 You act like a fucking goof. 1.00

00:38:24.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:38:26.000 Maybe he is a badass. 1.00

00:38:27.000 Assault you. 1.00

00:38:27.000 I will assault you so hard. 1.00

00:38:29.000 But think about it. 0.98

00:38:30.000 Why can't a rich guy be a badass?

00:38:33.000 Maybe he is violent. 1.00

00:38:34.000 Maybe he's a little fucking nuts. 1.00

00:38:36.000 He likes guns. 1.00

00:38:38.000 I've never heard his rap.

00:38:39.000 Do we have any of his rap available?

00:38:41.000 There are, I'm sure, rich guys who grow up rich who severely overcompensate because they feel like they live in this soft environment. 0.99

00:38:50.000 So they fucking go to CrossFit every day and take jujitsu and become a hard ass. 0.99

00:38:56.000 I don't think he's on that list. 1.00

00:38:57.000 No. 1.00

00:38:58.000 I don't think Tom Hanks was beating his ass at night. 0.99

00:39:00.000 I just think what he's doing is just trying to be hard and trying to respond to Howard Stern. 0.99

00:39:07.000 Calling him out about that.

00:39:09.000 It's just like, come on, kid.

00:39:11.000 Was your dad not around?

00:39:14.000 Can you call him and talk to him about it? 0.99

00:39:16.000 He would say, what the fuck are you going to say? 0.99

00:39:18.000 Don't say that. 1.00

00:39:19.000 How old is he?

00:39:22.000 If he's under 23, I'll give him a pass. 0.98

00:39:23.000 It's almost like Gotti's son.

00:39:25.000 Remember Gotti's son was always trying to be a badass. 0.93

00:39:29.000 Well, Gotti's son was a criminal. 0.95

00:39:31.000 Yeah.

00:39:31.000 Though, I mean, he was in the family.

00:39:33.000 He was in the family business.

00:39:34.000 I guess it's different with the mafia.

00:39:37.000 Well, he's not like Dr. Dre's kid.

00:39:39.000 Yeah.

00:39:40.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:39:41.000 He's fucking Forrest Gump's kid. 1.00

00:39:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:46.000 No disrespect, Tom Hanks.

00:39:47.000 I'm a big fan.

00:39:48.000 I love Gene the Green Mile.

00:39:49.000 He's a great actor.

00:39:51.000 He's the best actor.

00:39:52.000 He's a great actor.

00:39:53.000 By all accounts, a lovely person.

00:39:55.000 Yes.

00:39:57.000 I don't know if he did his job or not. 0.59

00:39:58.000 I mean, I'm just talking shit about him not being around, but I just got to assume that if you're doing that many movies... 0.63

00:40:02.000 You're not around. 0.94

00:40:03.000 It's hard to be.

00:40:05.000 Doesn't he have a studio also?

00:40:07.000 I don't know.

00:40:07.000 I think he's got his hand in a studio as well.

00:40:10.000 That's always amazing to me.

00:40:11.000 It's like you're being handed, literally, if you're Tom Hanks, you're the first guy that gets offered every script that's in your age range that comes along. 0.97

00:40:19.000 What are you going to fucking produce also? 0.94

00:40:21.000 What are you going to take on the headache of producing movies? 0.99

00:40:24.000 Maybe he enjoys it.

00:40:25.000 But what about enjoying hanging out with your family a little bit? 1.00

00:40:27.000 I got weirded out with him when he started doing those movies about the fucking secret, biblical fucking code. 0.99

00:40:35.000 The Da Vinci Code? 0.99

00:40:36.000 Yeah, I was like, did you read these scripts?

00:40:38.000 Yeah, that was bad.

00:40:40.000 These are terrible movies. 1.00

00:40:41.000 You're goddamn Tom Hanks. 1.00

00:40:42.000 It was a bad book. 1.00

00:40:43.000 How's a bad book going to become a good movie?

00:40:46.000 It was just so clunky.

00:40:47.000 Yeah.

00:40:48.000 I was like, this seems to me like something someone does when they don't have anything else to do.

00:40:52.000 And the guy who wrote the book, Dan something.

00:40:55.000 Brown.

00:40:56.000 Dan Brown.

00:40:57.000 He, I think, had a hand in the movie.

00:41:00.000 So whatever chance it had of upgrading was destroyed.

00:41:04.000 Well, I don't think they wanted to upgrade. 0.93

00:41:06.000 I think it's like, I mean, did they want to upgrade the fucking, what is the vampire movie that the girls like? 0.96

00:41:12.000 Were the vampires allowed to live in the day? 0.98

00:41:13.000 Twilight.

00:41:14.000 They're not trying to upgrade Twilight, right?

00:41:16.000 They wanted to give them what made it popular.

00:41:19.000 I think they kind of did, though.

00:41:19.000 I think they kind of did.

00:41:20.000 Are you a secret Twilight fan?

00:41:21.000 I got a daughter. 0.99

00:41:22.000 I've seen them, and they're fucking great. 0.99

00:41:24.000 They're just really well done. 0.99

00:41:26.000 They're really well done.

00:41:26.000 Oh my god!

00:41:28.000 Fitzsimmons, you're getting emotional. 1.00

00:41:30.000 I can see the milk coming out of your nipples while you're sitting here. 1.00

00:41:32.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

00:41:33.000 Dude, I just took her to see the Beach Boys last weekend. 0.93

00:41:36.000 Oh my god.

00:41:37.000 The real Beach Boys?

00:41:38.000 Well, it was Brian Wilson and it was...

00:41:40.000 They're alive?

00:41:41.000 Didn't one of them die recently?

00:41:43.000 I think one of the brothers might have died, but it was Al...

00:41:51.000 Jardine, who founded the Beach Boys with Brian Wilson.

00:41:54.000 And then they had a couple other... 0.99

00:41:55.000 Then they had Al Jardine's son, who can hit the fucking notes now. 0.99

00:41:59.000 His son is a badass singer. 0.99

00:42:01.000 But it was just fucking great. 0.99

00:42:02.000 They played the entire Pet Sounds album, song by song. 0.99

00:42:06.000 Oh, wow.

00:42:06.000 And then they played all the hits.

00:42:08.000 And it was just... 0.99

00:42:08.000 Me and my daughter just had such a fucking blast. 0.99

00:42:10.000 Because she has... 1.00

00:42:11.000 She's 14, and she loves fucking... 1.00

00:42:16.000 The Mamas and the Papas and the Allman Brothers and Pearl Jam. 1.00

00:42:22.000 She's got amazing taste. 0.85

00:42:24.000 And she's a surfer.

00:42:25.000 She's been surfing for five years, like three days a week.

00:42:29.000 The Beach Boys are her favorite.

00:42:31.000 And Pet Sounds is her favorite album.

00:42:32.000 So that was my birthday present was two tickets and I brought her. 0.99

00:42:36.000 And she was singing every fucking word, and we were laughing. 0.98

00:42:40.000 We had a contest about every time you see a Hawaiian shirt, you get to punch the other person in the arm. 1.00

00:42:44.000 If you see a bald guy with a ponytail, that's two punches.

00:42:48.000 Open-toed sandals with the Hawaiian shirt and the ponytail was three punches. 1.00

00:42:53.000 So she wants to beat the fuck out of you. 1.00

00:42:54.000 She fucking nailed me. 1.00

00:42:56.000 Because I got bad eyes. 0.99

00:42:57.000 She was spotting these guys from 100 yards away, wailing on me.

00:43:02.000 What a psychotic game.

00:43:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:04.000 At a fucking Beach Boys concert, you could get beaten to death. 1.00

00:43:06.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

00:43:08.000 Kenison had a bit about the Beach Boys in the fucking 80s.

00:43:12.000 He had a bit about the Beach Boys phoning it in in the 80s. 0.85

00:43:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:16.000 He goes, you can tell they're just looking at their watch.

00:43:18.000 I wish they all could be California.

00:43:21.000 Right, right.

00:43:22.000 I'll tell you what, though. 0.99

00:43:24.000 Fucking gives you goosebumps when you hear it. 0.99

00:43:26.000 Really? 0.99

00:43:27.000 Well, you realize he's not going to be doing this much longer.

00:43:30.000 Right.

00:43:31.000 And, you know, I feel that way when I see The Stones. 0.99

00:43:34.000 The Stones put on a great fucking show. 0.99

00:43:35.000 Where'd you see The Stones? 1.00

00:43:37.000 I saw them in Giant Stadium and then I saw them at the Staples Center.

00:43:41.000 I heard Mick Jagger is very frugal.

00:43:44.000 That's a nice way of putting it.

00:43:46.000 That's what I heard.

00:43:46.000 Yeah.

00:43:47.000 Like, how could you be?

00:43:48.000 Yeah.

00:43:48.000 He's got to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

00:43:51.000 Yeah.

00:43:51.000 He's still performing all over the world.

00:43:53.000 Right.

00:43:55.000 Just saving that cash.

00:43:56.000 That's right.

00:43:57.000 Putting it away for a rainy day.

00:43:59.000 Well, he's got a lot of kids, a lot of wives.

00:44:01.000 That's right.

00:44:01.000 He's got a bunch of baby mamas, right?

00:44:03.000 But still, the money.

00:44:05.000 Crazy money.

00:44:06.000 He's got a recent one.

00:44:07.000 Does he?

00:44:08.000 Yeah, he knocked a chick up a couple years ago. 0.99

00:44:10.000 Oh, Mick!

00:44:11.000 She's hot, too. 1.00

00:44:12.000 I think she's Brazilian, and I think she's like 28 or something like that.

00:44:17.000 And how old is he, 75?

00:44:18.000 I feel like she's a ballerina.

00:44:19.000 I feel like she's a ballerina.

00:44:20.000 So if he's 75, you're guaranteeing that this child will experience his father's death in the first 20 years of his life.

00:44:28.000 Yeah, unless something really crazy happens.

00:44:30.000 Right.

00:44:30.000 Like, technologically.

00:44:32.000 Yeah.

00:44:33.000 Like, medical technology gets to some point where they can reverse aging.

00:44:38.000 Which is, apparently, when you talk to people who are, like, legitimate scientists about this, they're like, this is not outside the realm of possibility.

00:44:47.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 By any stretch of the imagination.

00:44:49.000 Like, within our lifetime, it is entirely possible that they figure out a way to stop the aging process dead in its tracks.

00:44:56.000 Yeah.

00:44:57.000 Well, Silicon Valley believes it.

00:44:59.000 All those dudes have got think tanks going for cryogenically saving. 1.00

00:45:03.000 Well, cryogenics, I would imagine, if you do it regularly, I bet that adds.

00:45:07.000 That's different.

00:45:07.000 You're talking about cryotherapy.

00:45:10.000 Cryogenics is actually freezing the body dead.

00:45:12.000 Right, right, right.

00:45:14.000 Cryotherapy, I would think, would add some time.

00:45:17.000 Well, there's a company in Northern California that takes the blood of young people and injects it into the bodies of old people. 1.00

00:45:24.000 And there's anecdotal research and research with mice that points to the fact that it's supposed to radically improve behavior and energy in mice. 0.99

00:45:35.000 And conversely, when they take the older mice's blood and they put it in a younger mouse, the younger mouse is like, what the fuck? 0.98

00:45:43.000 The younger mouse starts acting like an old mouse. 1.00

00:45:46.000 No shit. 0.99

00:45:47.000 Yeah, and so we had Eric Weinstein on the other day who works for Peter Thiel. 1.00

00:45:53.000 And Peter Thiel is that billionaire guy in Silicon Valley.

00:45:57.000 He's the guy that funded that Hulk Hogan lawsuit against Gawker that crushed Gawker.

00:46:02.000 Oh, yeah?

00:46:02.000 Yeah, because they outed him, apparently.

00:46:04.000 They outed him as being gay, and he was really pissed at them. 0.94

00:46:07.000 They wrote some, like, really shitty articles about him. 1.00

00:46:09.000 And he was like, alright, fuck you. 1.00

00:46:11.000 How about I just use my money and crush you? 1.00

00:46:12.000 And so he went after them. 1.00

00:46:14.000 No shit. 0.99

00:46:15.000 Yeah, apparently he's offering the women who've accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault, he's offering each one of them $100,000 to go after him. 1.00

00:46:24.000 Wow.

00:46:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:25.000 This guy, he's like, he's an interesting, very interesting character, but super rich, super smart, and doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:46:35.000 And so the rumor was that he was doing this therapy. 0.98

00:46:38.000 But since then, I've heard that that was not confirmed.

00:46:42.000 What's that, Jamie?

00:46:44.000 Yeah, Fetal Thiel is not harvesting the blood of the young.

00:46:47.000 Yes!

00:46:48.000 That's a good picture.

00:46:49.000 Was it Elon Musk, though, trying to work on some kind of...

00:46:53.000 Life longevity thing.

00:46:54.000 Is he? 1.00

00:46:55.000 He's probably working on everything, that fucker. 1.00

00:46:57.000 He makes me feel really stupid. 1.00

00:46:59.000 He was at a comedy show once that I did. 1.00

00:47:01.000 Oh yeah?

00:47:01.000 With that chick that he just dumped, Johnny Depp's old girlfriend.

00:47:04.000 And I got legitimately nervous.

00:47:07.000 Then he was in the audience?

00:47:08.000 Then he was in the audience.

00:47:09.000 Yeah.

00:47:12.000 I know.

00:47:12.000 Especially because I have a bit about inventors.

00:47:15.000 Yeah, I mean, a guy, like, I, as a comedian, and I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, in order for me to be able to get on stage in front of hundreds of people and take the reins and go, all right, you hundreds of people are going to all shut the fuck up.

00:47:29.000 I'm the funniest one of them.

00:47:31.000 I merit you all being quiet for an hour.

00:47:34.000 You have to do mind games with yourself sometimes, like, especially when you're starting out.

00:47:39.000 And so you have to, sometimes if it's a gig I'm intimidated by, I'll think to myself, I'm smarter than everybody in this crowd.

00:47:48.000 And I know I'm not, but I have to tell myself that. 0.87

00:47:51.000 That's a ridiculous thing to think.

00:47:53.000 And then it's so hard when you get up. 0.99

00:47:55.000 And I remember I did a gig at this very hipster place in New York and Johnny Depp was in the audience and he was with some fucking model who looked like she was literally starving to death. 0.95

00:48:08.000 And everybody in the crowd was just in black and they were all hip. 0.94

00:48:11.000 And I really felt like, and I said it on stage, I go, usually I just tell myself I'm better looking and I'm richer than everybody in the audience. 0.89

00:48:19.000 And tonight I realize I'm the poorest, ugliest person here. 1.00

00:48:26.000 What a stupid thing to try to convince yourself. 1.00

00:48:28.000 I'm the best looking man alive. 1.00

00:48:31.000 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Greg Fitzsimmons.

00:48:33.000 Here I am.

00:48:34.000 Bald.

00:48:35.000 Here I am.

00:48:36.000 Wrinkled.

00:48:37.000 Short.

00:48:39.000 Just shimmying on stage.

00:48:43.000 But that's the mind game.

00:48:44.000 That's the trick.

00:48:45.000 It's like visualization.

00:48:47.000 But why that trick?

00:48:49.000 Because I get scared.

00:48:50.000 I get intimidated.

00:48:51.000 Not anymore, but when I was starting out, I used to all the time.

00:48:54.000 Well, when I come back and I look at starting out, when you and I both started out, we were both like 21. What the fuck does a 21-year-old have to say about anything? 0.95

00:49:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:05.000 We're so dumb. 0.99

00:49:06.000 I know. 1.00

00:49:07.000 Like, I imagine myself today going on stage at 21, like being in the room, watching myself go on stage at 21, and just thinking, what a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:49:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:17.000 Like, you don't know anything about life. 1.00

00:49:19.000 Yeah.

00:49:19.000 You're basically fresh out of high school, just paying your own bills for like a couple of years.

00:49:25.000 Yeah.

00:49:26.000 And here you are, talking into a microphone.

00:49:29.000 We're grown adults.

00:49:30.000 Like, I went on stage exactly 16 days after it was legal for me to drink.

00:49:38.000 Yeah.

00:49:40.000 And you got middle-aged people that have real jobs.

00:49:43.000 Mortgages.

00:49:44.000 Mortgages.

00:49:45.000 Guys who got back from the war.

00:49:47.000 People with college degrees, master's degrees.

00:49:50.000 Cops.

00:49:51.000 People have, like, pulled people out of burning buildings.

00:49:54.000 People have lost friends in gunfights.

00:49:57.000 Widows.

00:49:57.000 Yeah.

00:49:58.000 21-year-old talking to a widow, trying to make him laugh. 1.00

00:50:00.000 Fucking idiot I was. 1.00

00:50:06.000 But there's no other way to do it. 1.00

00:50:09.000 Like, Dane Cook said this once, and it was a very insightful thing.

00:50:14.000 He was like, if I had to do it again, like if I had to start comedy again, I really don't think I could do it.

00:50:20.000 He's like, it's so overwhelming, the idea of starting again.

00:50:23.000 Like, ten years in.

00:50:25.000 Yeah, but that's kind of what we've done with podcasting.

00:50:29.000 We start over again.

00:50:33.000 I mean, we had momentum because we had been in entertainment, but I feel like it was the healthiest thing in the world, the podcast, for me, because, you know, all these years you were doing stand-up, and you get to a certain point where...

00:50:47.000 I always think of it as like your bottom and your top rise over the years.

00:50:51.000 They should.

00:50:52.000 They should continue.

00:50:53.000 Like the worst bomb you're going to have now is so much higher than the worst bomb you would have had five years ago, ten years ago, twenty years ago.

00:51:01.000 For sure.

00:51:06.000 Right.

00:51:24.000 Well, I did the podcast about a year after I started the radio show.

00:51:27.000 How long have you been doing the podcast?

00:51:29.000 Like eight or nine years.

00:51:31.000 Yeah, I didn't think of it at all that way.

00:51:33.000 I thought of the podcast as just fun.

00:51:35.000 Yeah.

00:51:36.000 Just something to do for a goof. 1.00

00:51:37.000 And I did it for years, like, irregularly before I ever wound up committing to it.

00:51:44.000 What, like every few weeks and then a couple in a row?

00:51:46.000 Yeah, like do it in the green room.

00:51:47.000 We would do it in the green room.

00:51:48.000 Joey Diaz would always get mad. 1.00

00:51:50.000 Shut that fucking thing off! 1.00

00:51:52.000 You guys are always fucking online. 1.00

00:51:54.000 You're fucking around online. 1.00

00:51:55.000 Shut it off, Joe Rogan! 1.00

00:51:57.000 He would get mad.

00:51:58.000 I'd be like, people like it. 1.00

00:52:02.000 You're wasting your fucking time on the internet! 1.00

00:52:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:05.000 I was relentless.

00:52:06.000 That's like the biggest part of his life now.

00:52:07.000 I know.

00:52:07.000 His podcast is gigantic for him.

00:52:09.000 Yeah.

00:52:10.000 I just did it the other night.

00:52:11.000 He was so high. 0.99

00:52:13.000 He fucking gave me the... 0.99

00:52:14.000 I forgot where his studio was, so I said, send me the address again. 0.99

00:52:19.000 So he sends me the address. 0.91

00:52:20.000 I fucking pull up on this dark road, and I go, oh, he wants to fucking switch his studio or something, because this isn't the old one. 0.99

00:52:27.000 So I go, oh, what the fuck? 0.99

00:52:28.000 It's a house. 1.00

00:52:29.000 I guess he's doing it in the back of his house. 1.00

00:52:30.000 I fucking ring the doorbell. 1.00

00:52:32.000 It's his house! 1.00

00:52:33.000 It was so high, he gave me his fucking home address instead of the studio. 0.99

00:52:38.000 I'm texting him. 0.99

00:52:39.000 I'm out in front.

00:52:40.000 Dog, I don't see you out front.

00:52:42.000 I'm looking. 1.00

00:52:42.000 The fucking street's empty, Greg Fitzsimmons. 1.00

00:52:45.000 And I walk in, and he's chewing down those, what are they, Black Star something? 0.99

00:52:49.000 Oh, God.

00:52:50.000 He's got a bong going.

00:52:51.000 He's had mushrooms.

00:52:53.000 Lee Syatt is sitting there.

00:52:55.000 His eyes are shut.

00:52:56.000 Lee.

00:52:57.000 His eyes are shut.

00:52:58.000 I don't know how he sees the equipment.

00:52:59.000 Lee can't handle it.

00:52:59.000 I don't know how he does it.

00:53:01.000 Lee can't handle it.

00:53:02.000 You can look in his eyes sometimes.

00:53:03.000 Like, I've been on a show before, and when someone says something, I always feel like we're having a conversation.

00:53:09.000 Someone says something, I go, what do you mean by that?

00:53:10.000 And then we're having a talk.

00:53:12.000 But if you say, like, Lee said something, I go, what does that mean?

00:53:15.000 And he was like...

00:53:16.000 It's him lock up, like...

00:53:19.000 It's just way too high to have this conversation.

00:53:22.000 He was talking about how...

00:53:25.000 He was like, it seems like audio is the thing of the future.

00:53:29.000 I go, what?

00:53:30.000 What do you mean?

00:53:31.000 He goes, well, it just seems like people, they're always on their phones while they're on TV, or they're watching a movie, they're talking on their phone, or they're looking through their phone, or they're listening to things while they're doing other things.

00:53:42.000 I go, what?

00:53:45.000 You're listening to things while you're watching TV? What?

00:53:48.000 Who the fuck was playing with their phone while they're watching TV? And he's like... 1.00

00:53:56.000 Paranoia wash over him like a tidal wave.

00:53:58.000 I'm like, I gotta leave this poor guy alone.

00:54:00.000 He's too high.

00:54:01.000 Joey makes him do everything he does.

00:54:03.000 Not only does Joey do that, Joey swaps edibles on him.

00:54:07.000 Like, Lee, try this.

00:54:09.000 It's only 50 milligrams.

00:54:10.000 And he'll take a 500 milligram pot and he'll put it in the wrapper of a 50 and twist it back up.

00:54:17.000 It's mild.

00:54:18.000 It's mild.

00:54:19.000 I have four of them.

00:54:21.000 And so it gives him enough to make you reconsider your existence in the universe.

00:54:27.000 While he's running the soundboard. 0.98

00:54:29.000 And he doesn't fuck up! 0.98

00:54:30.000 He's a good engineer. 0.99

00:54:30.000 He's very good. 0.99

00:54:31.000 Yeah.

00:54:32.000 I don't know if it's healthy to be around Joey all the time like that.

00:54:38.000 It can be really dangerous.

00:54:39.000 Well, also, Joey's so good to him.

00:54:41.000 They just have a very...

00:54:44.000 Very unique relationship, man. 0.99

00:54:46.000 I mean, that's a goddamn show, that relationship right there. 0.97

00:54:51.000 Because Joey's like a father figure to him, kind of. 0.99

00:54:54.000 Yeah, in some insane way.

00:54:56.000 Joey's a sweetheart, as long as you're on his side.

00:55:00.000 But the worst place in the world is a guy who's against Joey.

00:55:07.000 I've seen Joey have feuds with people.

00:55:11.000 It is a horrible thing to watch.

00:55:14.000 Because he's so passionate about his friendship with people that when someone turns on him, he's as loving and as friendly and as warm as he is.

00:55:26.000 You know how he is.

00:55:27.000 When he sees you, it's all hugs.

00:55:30.000 He calls you up.

00:55:31.000 He calls you, Greg Fitzsimmons, what's going on, baby?

00:55:33.000 Yeah, that's it. 1.00

00:55:34.000 Making him suck your dick. 1.00

00:55:35.000 I know what you're doing, dog. 1.00

00:55:37.000 He loves you.

00:55:39.000 I love Joey.

00:55:40.000 He's my family, 100%. 1.00

00:55:43.000 But if you turn on him, man, it's a fucking... 0.99

00:55:47.000 I've seen him go after people. 0.99

00:55:49.000 It's scary.

00:55:51.000 It's crazy.

00:55:52.000 He's so...

00:55:53.000 He's Cuban.

00:55:55.000 And he came up... 0.99

00:55:57.000 He had a really fucked up situation growing up. 0.99

00:56:00.000 He found his mom dead when he was 13. He was on acid. 0.99

00:56:04.000 He was raised by his friend's family. 0.99

00:56:07.000 And he was sucking a tit that night, too. 0.99

00:56:10.000 Was he? 0.99

00:56:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:56:11.000 Yeah, he was sucking some girl's tit on acid when he found his mom dead, yeah. 1.00

00:56:14.000 Jesus. 1.00

00:56:15.000 Boy, some symbolism in that, huh? 0.99

00:56:18.000 Remember when sucking a tit was like, this is as good as it gets. 0.99

00:56:21.000 I don't need anything better than this. 0.98

00:56:23.000 It's still.

00:56:24.000 My wife, thank God, I could not have married a woman that didn't have nice tits. 1.00

00:56:29.000 Oh, there's a lot of women out there with little tits that are angry at you right now. 1.00

00:56:32.000 Sorry, you're not real women. 1.00

00:56:34.000 I'm kidding!

00:56:36.000 I'm kidding.

00:56:37.000 But I couldn't have married one.

00:56:39.000 I respect you and I'll hang out with you.

00:56:41.000 I'll let you into my shows.

00:56:43.000 But I'm not going to marry you.

00:56:44.000 I'll let you into my shows!

00:56:48.000 If you get out of the itty-bitty titty committee early and you want to go see a comedy show...

00:56:52.000 Wow.

00:56:54.000 Look, I respect all women. 0.92

00:56:56.000 Do you all of them?

00:56:57.000 What about mean ones that kill people?

00:56:59.000 I respect them even more.

00:57:01.000 They're fighting back.

00:57:03.000 They're MeTooing out there.

00:57:06.000 Huh?

00:57:07.000 You didn't hear about the hashtag MeToo?

00:57:09.000 No.

00:57:10.000 You're going to love this, Joe Rogan.

00:57:13.000 Oh, God.

00:57:13.000 There's a thing now, because of Harvey Weinstein, there's a hashtag that women that have been sexually harassed pound sign MeToo on their social media.

00:57:23.000 Jesus Christ.

00:57:25.000 Well, sexually harassed, I would say it's probably 100%.

00:57:30.000 Yeah, because it's a murky definition, you know?

00:57:33.000 I mean, some of the stories that you hear, and look, this Harvey Weinstein thing is atrocious, and guys that are like that are the reason why guys like us have to watch what we say. 0.99

00:57:45.000 All the sensitivity that we've been talking about is because of a few, not a few assholes, there's a lot of assholes. 0.99

00:57:53.000 And it's not just, I mean, we're not talking about a person trying to get laid. 0.99

00:57:56.000 We're talking about a person who is holding employment over people.

00:57:59.000 Right.

00:57:59.000 Power.

00:58:00.000 And did you see the TMZ thing?

00:58:02.000 Where TMZ... They were describing the nature of his contract, that he had sexual assault and sexual harassment, lawsuits written into the contract,

00:58:17.000 like how much he would be fined.

00:58:20.000 And for one person saying it, it was a certain amount of money.

00:58:28.000 For two allegations. 1.00

00:58:29.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

00:58:30.000 It was more for three. 1.00

00:58:31.000 It was like $100,000, $250, $750, a million.

00:58:36.000 Wow.

00:58:36.000 Yeah, he had it written in.

00:58:37.000 Like caps on how much he should have to pay.

00:58:40.000 No, like how much they would pay him.

00:58:41.000 Or how much he would have to pay.

00:58:53.000 Wow.

00:58:58.000 Just imagine.

00:59:12.000 That they wrote this in.

00:59:13.000 They're complicit.

00:59:14.000 They're all complicit.

00:59:14.000 There's another provision.

00:59:16.000 He can be fired for the perpetuation by you, Weinstein, of a material fraud against the company.

00:59:32.000 Okay, what does that mean?

00:59:33.000 The question, where's the fraud?

00:59:36.000 Lance Maroff, a board member who negotiated the Weinstein 2015 contract said in an interview, and we've confirmed, the board knew Weinstein had settled prior lawsuits brought by various women, but they assumed it was to cover up consensual affairs.

00:59:51.000 Sure it was.

00:59:52.000 The board's assumption does not constitute fraud on Weinstein's part.

00:59:56.000 Hmm.

00:59:58.000 Scroll up.

00:59:59.000 Keep going.

01:00:01.000 More surprisingly is how TWC fired Weinstein supposedly without giving a specific reason which could potentially violate the terms of the contract.

01:00:13.000 Oh my god.

01:00:14.000 That's crazy.

01:00:17.000 Here's the kicker.

01:00:18.000 Even if Weinstein had committed fraud by not fully informing the board of directors, the contract says before he can be fired, he has the right to mediation.

01:00:26.000 If that doesn't work, he's entitled to arbitration.

01:00:29.000 He got neither.

01:00:30.000 He was summarily fired, and sources connected with Weinstein tell TMZ he was never given a specific reason.

01:00:36.000 Wow.

01:00:37.000 Well, he's fighting it.

01:00:39.000 I love that. 0.99

01:00:40.000 Where do you get the balls to fight back right now? 0.99

01:00:46.000 I guess he feels like... 0.98

01:00:48.000 It's the only way to sort of reclaim some ground.

01:00:51.000 Yeah.

01:00:51.000 I mean, is that a way to look at it?

01:00:53.000 Well, that's that mentality. 0.99

01:00:55.000 And, you know, at that level, the power brokers that run Hollywood, you know, they're all fucking... 0.99

01:01:00.000 Trump is like that, too. 0.99

01:01:02.000 It's all aggression.

01:01:02.000 It's all come at you when you come at them.

01:01:05.000 Yeah.

01:01:05.000 I mean, it's got to be a crazy position to be in.

01:01:09.000 To be the head of Miramax.

01:01:11.000 Yeah.

01:01:12.000 You know?

01:01:12.000 I mean, it's like...

01:01:13.000 It's the biggest...

01:01:15.000 It's one of the biggest, right?

01:01:16.000 What's the biggest?

01:01:18.000 What is the biggest studio?

01:01:20.000 If it's not Miramax, it's Universal, Miramax.

01:01:24.000 So, at the very least, he's responsible for some of the most iconic movies ever.

01:01:30.000 Yeah.

01:01:31.000 Certainly the most Oscars of any studio in the last 20 years. 0.99

01:01:34.000 So everyone's kissing his ass, massive amounts of power, and this influence over people, like royalty, right? 0.99

01:01:43.000 Barks, they all come, you know, everybody's at his whim, constantly. 1.00

01:01:48.000 And then tries to fuck all these starlets. 1.00

01:01:51.000 Like, if he had just stuck with, like, prostitutes, Probably still would come out, but it wouldn't come out the same way. 1.00

01:01:58.000 It wouldn't have come out.

01:01:59.000 You don't think so?

01:02:00.000 Well, think about the fact that they covered up sexual assault on, it sounds like, a weekly basis.

01:02:06.000 I mean, this story broke, what, five days ago?

01:02:11.000 Something like that.

01:02:11.000 And there's already so many women that have come out, and now you've got a bounty on more women to come out?

01:02:16.000 I think that somebody else is offering a certain amount of money for every woman that comes out against him.

01:02:22.000 Jesus.

01:02:23.000 So it's going to be like Cosby all over again.

01:02:27.000 And you think about... 0.99

01:02:28.000 But Cosby was drugging and raping women. 1.00

01:02:31.000 Right. 0.98

01:02:31.000 No, but I just mean in terms of how frequently... 0.98

01:02:34.000 It's like another step more evil, though.

01:02:35.000 Right.

01:02:35.000 I'm just talking about the frequency of it and the complicity of people that set up the meetings...

01:02:43.000 Covered up the lawsuits.

01:02:44.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:45.000 Gave the women work after the meetings.

01:02:47.000 You know, a lot of them got script deals, got roles in movies, because a lot of them didn't walk out of the room.

01:02:53.000 A lot of them gave them the back rub or whatever else.

01:02:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:57.000 Well, that was what Whitney was talking about the other day. 0.98

01:03:00.000 Whitney Cummings was telling me, her and one of her friends, who's an actress, I did their show at the Largo the other night, and they were in the green room and they were talking about how many women literally wrote into their contract, like, not wrote into it, but there was an agreement that they would fuck him to get, 0.98

01:03:16.000 like, editors cut, they would fuck him to get more lines. 0.99

01:03:20.000 What? 1.00

01:03:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:03:22.000 Girls, like, prominent actresses had sex with him to ensure that they got big roles. 1.00

01:03:27.000 This was written down?

01:03:29.000 Some of it was agreed upon.

01:03:31.000 I don't know if they wrote it, but these things were agreed upon.

01:03:35.000 Whoa.

01:03:36.000 And that he always kept his end of the bargain.

01:03:37.000 He was known for hooking them up.

01:03:41.000 Wow.

01:03:41.000 It was part of how he got this whole thing to work.

01:03:45.000 Which means every director and editor that kept those lines in knew, because editors all the time, you chop out whole scenes because they don't work.

01:03:54.000 Yeah, but that's only...

01:03:57.000 That's like when did it happen?

01:03:59.000 Did it happen before the film was shot?

01:04:01.000 Like he would give them final cut?

01:04:03.000 Like he would allow them to be in the editing room?

01:04:08.000 Or was it like, I will give you the choice part?

01:04:12.000 Whatever it was, like some sneaky deal.

01:04:14.000 Yeah.

01:04:15.000 I mean, who knows how he said it?

01:04:17.000 Who knows how they did it?

01:04:18.000 Yeah.

01:04:20.000 The idea that all these actors are coming out like, I have no idea.

01:04:23.000 I can't believe it.

01:04:23.000 I'm so horrified.

01:04:24.000 How do you not know that?

01:04:25.000 I'm a road comic and I knew about it.

01:04:28.000 I'm not in the middle of Hollywood.

01:04:29.000 I've known about it for 15 years.

01:04:31.000 What did you know?

01:04:32.000 I knew that he was a casting couch guy. 0.99

01:04:35.000 Everybody knew that he was this sleazy, fat... 0.96

01:04:37.000 I always would joke about how I think he makes himself less attractive because it's more of a power trip for him. 0.98

01:04:43.000 It's more fun.

01:04:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:44.000 Yeah, to have his fat gut resting on their forehead while he shoots a load in their mouth. 0.99

01:04:51.000 Alright, you got the part! 1.00

01:04:53.000 Next!

01:04:54.000 Doesn't blow.

01:04:57.000 Doesn't wash on purpose. 1.00

01:04:58.000 Yeah, has his balls just stink like locker rooms. 0.99

01:05:03.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. 1.00

01:05:04.000 It's a weird thing that went on forever in this industry.

01:05:09.000 Not this industry.

01:05:10.000 The movie industry.

01:05:11.000 The music industry as well.

01:05:13.000 Sturgill Simpson was telling me some story about some guy who's a known pederast.

01:05:20.000 He's in a similar position in the music business.

01:05:22.000 And people know you can't have young boys around this guy.

01:05:27.000 Wow.

01:05:27.000 And that he's some big-time, powerful guy.

01:05:30.000 He told me the guy's name. 0.99

01:05:30.000 I literally can't tell you who the fuck it was. 0.99

01:05:33.000 But he was saying, like, man, there are people in the music business that are in this exact same situation. 1.00

01:05:39.000 Like, they fuck people to have them move on and move up and move forward. 0.98

01:05:44.000 Especially back when radio was a big deal, right? 1.00

01:05:47.000 Yeah.

01:05:48.000 Radio and record sales were inexorably connected.

01:05:52.000 You could not sell records unless you get on the radio.

01:05:55.000 The only band that managed to move through that was KISS. Kiss was rarely on the radio.

01:06:02.000 They were rarely on the radio.

01:06:04.000 But Kiss had such a loyal following, and they put together such an amazing show, a live show, that they were selling millions of albums and got almost no radio time.

01:06:15.000 Oh, no kidding.

01:06:16.000 And then selling out arenas, almost no radio.

01:06:18.000 And they were mocked relentlessly by people who really loved rock.

01:06:22.000 Yeah, I never liked Kiss, but I respect what they've done.

01:06:26.000 I loved Kiss.

01:06:27.000 Really?

01:06:27.000 Oh yeah, when I was a kid.

01:06:29.000 I loved them.

01:06:30.000 How many songs, though, do they really have?

01:06:32.000 Tons. 0.97

01:06:32.000 Shitloads. 0.97

01:06:33.000 Depends on if you like that kind of music. 0.91

01:06:35.000 Look, I mean, if I compare it to Led Zeppelin, in terms of the style of music, the depth of the composition of the music and the lyrics, they don't have anything that's like a whole lot of love or anything like that.

01:06:53.000 There's certain songs...

01:07:02.000 We're good to go.

01:07:14.000 You know, for like what you would think of when you think about KISS. Yeah.

01:07:17.000 But, you know, they had like this style of music.

01:07:20.000 It was like a fun party rock and roll.

01:07:23.000 I want to rock and roll all night and party every day.

01:07:29.000 Right, I think that the couple songs I know of theirs I like, but when you think about the phenomenon that is KISS, they really don't have the songs to support it. 0.63

01:07:39.000 Like, I feel like the same way, I'm gonna get shit about saying this, Aerosmith. 1.00

01:07:43.000 You son of a bitch. 0.99

01:07:43.000 Aerosmith has, like, three of the greatest rock songs of all time. 0.99

01:07:48.000 Like, literally, my top 50 rock songs.

01:07:50.000 Let me hear it.

01:07:50.000 Three of them are Aerosmith.

01:07:51.000 Walk This Way, Dream On.

01:07:53.000 Dream On.

01:07:54.000 And, uh...

01:07:55.000 Mama Ken?

01:07:57.000 No.

01:07:57.000 Sweetheart.

01:07:58.000 Sweet Emotions.

01:07:59.000 Sweet Emotions.

01:07:59.000 Those three are in my top 50. And then it ends.

01:08:03.000 Then you got Love in the Elevator and all this shit that makes me go like, I gotta delete my files on these clowns. 0.98

01:08:10.000 Well, you know what happened to them? 0.99

01:08:12.000 Movies.

01:08:13.000 They started doing those movie anthems.

01:08:15.000 Yeah.

01:08:15.000 You should never do those movie anthems.

01:08:17.000 They did those Armageddon soundtrack type things.

01:08:20.000 Yeah.

01:08:21.000 Where, you know, like... 1.00

01:08:22.000 Just middle of the road popcorn music for a stupid blockbuster film. 1.00

01:08:29.000 They started trying to figure out what the audience wanted and giving it to them instead of being themselves. 1.00

01:08:34.000 I don't know.

01:08:35.000 I mean, for whatever it is, it's like you have two different schools of thought in that band.

01:08:40.000 You have Joe Perry.

01:08:41.000 Who I know. 0.98

01:08:42.000 He's a great guy who doesn't give a fuck about fame. 0.63

01:08:45.000 Joe Perry's like a guy from Boston who's just a badass guitarist who loves making rock and roll. 0.88

01:08:51.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

01:08:52.000 And then you got...

01:08:52.000 What's his name?

01:08:54.000 Steven Tyler.

01:08:54.000 Steven Tyler, who likes being famous.

01:08:56.000 Yeah.

01:08:56.000 And he likes doing like...

01:08:57.000 What is he on?

01:08:58.000 America's Got Talent or one of those?

01:08:59.000 Which one of those is he on?

01:09:00.000 Yeah.

01:09:01.000 Yeah.

01:09:01.000 I think he did American Idol for one season.

01:09:04.000 Was it just one season?

01:09:05.000 I think so. 1.00

01:09:06.000 But that kind of shit. 1.00

01:09:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:08.000 Could you imagine Robert Plant doing American Idol?

01:09:10.000 Well, I could imagine Mick Jagger doing something like that and Keith Richards.

01:09:14.000 Keith Richards is like the...

01:09:15.000 What's that?

01:09:16.000 Just to bank checks.

01:09:17.000 But I think Mick Jagger and Keith Richards have a similar kind of situation.

01:09:21.000 Mick wanted to be famous.

01:09:22.000 Keith is just a badass rocker.

01:09:24.000 Maybe.

01:09:25.000 I don't know.

01:09:27.000 Huh.

01:09:28.000 I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be famous, because that's what you're into.

01:09:32.000 But when the music suffers, or the music changes, you know?

01:09:37.000 Yeah. 0.83

01:09:37.000 You go from sweet emotions to some, like, nonsensical moron ballad that literally, like, it hurts your feelings. 0.83

01:09:46.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:09:46.000 You listen to some of those ballads, and you're just like... 0.98

01:09:49.000 Right.

01:09:50.000 Yeah.

01:09:50.000 Billy Joel's like that.

01:09:52.000 He's got some of the greatest fucking songs. 0.99

01:09:54.000 Remember the last time we shot Pool, we listened to a few Billy Joel songs? 0.99

01:09:57.000 And then you've got Uptown Girl. 1.00

01:10:00.000 I've got a Billy Joel theory I've talked about in this podcast.

01:10:02.000 And you just get so angry about it.

01:10:03.000 I know exactly what happened.

01:10:05.000 Christy Brinkley.

01:10:06.000 Yeah?

01:10:06.000 Too hot.

01:10:07.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:10:08.000 Ugly little guy from Long Island. 0.99

01:10:10.000 All of a sudden he's banging this supermodel. 1.00

01:10:12.000 That bitch is hot today. 1.00

01:10:13.000 She's like 80. Yeah, right. 1.00

01:10:15.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00

01:10:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:16.000 She's like the hottest 64-year-old woman on the planet. 1.00

01:10:19.000 Yeah.

01:10:19.000 Have you seen pictures of her?

01:10:20.000 I just played...

01:10:21.000 I bowled with her recently. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Yep. 1.00

01:10:24.000 No, you...

01:10:24.000 See, that's when they were together.

01:10:26.000 That's when he lost his marbles.

01:10:27.000 Yeah.

01:10:28.000 That's when it was all uptown girl.

01:10:29.000 She was in the lane next to me. 0.99

01:10:30.000 She looks fucking beautiful. 0.98

01:10:31.000 So, where was this? 0.99

01:10:33.000 Venice.

01:10:34.000 She bowls in Venice? 0.50

01:10:35.000 Yeah.

01:10:36.000 Isn't that crazy that she's in her 60s? 0.99

01:10:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:38.000 Like, you would bang her, right? 1.00

01:10:40.000 I'd fuck him just because he fucked her. 1.00

01:10:42.000 You'd fuck him because he fucked her? 1.00

01:10:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:45.000 I wouldn't go that far.

01:10:46.000 But do you think...

01:10:47.000 I would worry that she would break.

01:10:50.000 Because she's 64?

01:10:51.000 Yeah, you'd send it home and you'd hear a cracking on her hips. 1.00

01:10:53.000 Is that her?

01:10:54.000 In the water?

01:10:56.000 How's that possible?

01:10:57.000 How does she look so hot? 1.00

01:10:59.000 And so many women fall apart. 1.00

01:11:00.000 Oh no, I didn't see Chrissy Brinkley.

01:11:02.000 You didn't?

01:11:02.000 I saw Cindy Crawford.

01:11:03.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:11:06.000 You're just like Jamie. 1.00

01:11:10.000 Oh my god, look at her butt. 1.00

01:11:12.000 Oh, that's not her? 1.00

01:11:13.000 I was like, that's insane.

01:11:16.000 Oh, it is her daughter.

01:11:17.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:11:18.000 Lesbying it up? 1.00

01:11:19.000 No, they're hugging, son of a bitch. 1.00

01:11:21.000 In bikinis. 1.00

01:11:22.000 Yeah, where's her butt? 1.00

01:11:23.000 Oh, come on, that's a little sexy. 1.00

01:11:24.000 So she hides her butt. 1.00

01:11:26.000 See, that's the thing. 1.00

01:11:27.000 I don't think you can have a nice 64-year-old ass, I think. 0.99

01:11:31.000 Yeah, every picture's like from the front. 0.99

01:11:33.000 And notice the bent leg to kind of hide any kind of...

01:11:36.000 Well, they all do that.

01:11:38.000 I don't know, she looks pretty good. 0.99

01:11:39.000 Hot as fuck, right? 1.00

01:11:40.000 But look, you don't see her butt. 1.00

01:11:43.000 Google Christy Brinkley's butt. 0.99

01:11:48.000 Listen, you're objectifying women. 1.00

01:11:50.000 No, I'm just trying to...

01:11:51.000 I'm doing an anatomical survey or something.

01:11:55.000 Oh, that's a famous shot.

01:11:57.000 Yeah, but that's like from the 80s.

01:11:58.000 That's her Sports Illustrated shot. 0.88

01:12:01.000 Christy Blinky's butt at 60. I have 2017 on it.

01:12:08.000 Well, either way, she's done a remarkable job of staying attractive. 0.99

01:12:13.000 Very proud of her.

01:12:13.000 And I guess what that is is just constant effort, right?

01:12:16.000 And maybe some surgery, but at the very least...

01:12:19.000 A lot of DNA involved, too.

01:12:20.000 Right, must be.

01:12:21.000 Yeah.

01:12:22.000 Yeah.

01:12:22.000 But constant effort, right?

01:12:24.000 Like constant gym time, watching the diet, you know?

01:12:28.000 All that stuff.

01:12:29.000 A lot of water.

01:12:30.000 Yeah.

01:12:30.000 And also, they get all the best skincare products.

01:12:34.000 Yeah.

01:12:35.000 I mean, that's the business, you know?

01:12:38.000 That's her business. 0.92

01:12:39.000 What's super shocking is when a woman was like, just smoking hot, and then she just lets it go. 0.97

01:12:47.000 Just lets it go, like Kathleen Turner.

01:12:50.000 You ever seen Kathleen Turner today?

01:12:56.000 She could be Joey Diaz's stunt double. 1.00

01:12:59.000 Would you have sex with her just to say you had sex with Kathleen Turner, though? 1.00

01:13:03.000 What do you think? 1.00

01:13:04.000 No.

01:13:05.000 No, look at that picture.

01:13:06.000 Wow. 0.98

01:13:07.000 Dude, she was fucking smoky at one point in time. 1.00

01:13:11.000 Yeah, and she had that voice. 0.98

01:13:12.000 But I feel like there's a health issue.

01:13:15.000 Like, she's so big, it doesn't make sense.

01:13:18.000 Yeah, a lot of times, you know, they have to take a steroid for something, and they blow up from the steroid.

01:13:24.000 Oh, Jesus, is that real?

01:13:26.000 Make that bigger.

01:13:28.000 See, I think it's probably alcohol, too.

01:13:32.000 When you see someone that big, it's like, well, you have to eat a lot of food to stay that big.

01:13:36.000 Yeah.

01:13:36.000 Unless you're boozing it.

01:13:39.000 Like, I know this lady, she works out all the time, but she boozes all the time. 1.00

01:13:43.000 Maybe...

01:13:44.000 And she just can't...

01:13:45.000 Her legs are always, like, just thick and weird. 1.00

01:13:49.000 Yeah, booze will fuck you. 1.00

01:13:50.000 The fucking empty calories and booze. 1.00

01:13:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:53.000 For people who drink, like, every day, those everyday drinkers, man, that's a fucking hard road. 1.00

01:14:00.000 And once you're drunk, you're not a real health nut about what you eat. 0.99

01:14:03.000 No. 1.00

01:14:04.000 Pizza and fucking... 1.00

01:14:06.000 And then when you wake up in the morning, you feel like shit, so you just eat more shit. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:11.000 Some people, I don't know, maybe Kathleen Turner, maybe she made so much money and her natural body is big and she just went, fuck it, I'm going to enjoy my life and not suffer like Kathleen, like Christy Brinkley. 0.97

01:14:24.000 That sounds like something a woman who got really big would say. 1.00

01:14:27.000 Yeah.

01:14:29.000 No one's natural body's overweight.

01:14:31.000 If you're doing that, it's because you're eating the wrong food, you're not exercising, you're definitely overeating, and you're most likely drinking.

01:14:40.000 That's not someone who's thick.

01:14:44.000 That's an obese woman. 1.00

01:14:46.000 Look at her. 1.00

01:14:49.000 Dude, she was hot as fuck. 1.00

01:14:50.000 She was hot. 1.00

01:14:53.000 Was that movie Body Heat with her?

01:14:55.000 Was that Jeff Bridges or William Hurt?

01:14:58.000 Just from Romancing the Stone.

01:15:00.000 Oh, that was like a rip-off of Indiana Jones, right?

01:15:03.000 With Michael Douglas?

01:15:04.000 Yeah, that was like Michael Douglas was like the Indiana Jones character, but it was kind of like a semi-comedy.

01:15:10.000 Romancing the Stone.

01:15:11.000 Yeah, it was like he was the archaeologist.

01:15:14.000 God, it was hard to remember. 0.98

01:15:16.000 Boy, they made a lot of shitty movies back then. 0.97

01:15:18.000 Yeah, Romancing the Stone. 0.96

01:15:21.000 Trying to go back and watch those things, you'd be like, what?

01:15:24.000 I know, they were so dated.

01:15:26.000 You ever see Working Girl lately? 1.00

01:15:28.000 What's that?

01:15:28.000 It was Melanie Griffith, and she played a girl from Staten Island who is a secretary at a law firm, and she's a paralegal or something.

01:15:40.000 No, even an ad agency?

01:15:41.000 Look at her hair! 1.00

01:15:43.000 Yes.

01:15:44.000 Wow.

01:15:44.000 No, that's not her.

01:15:46.000 Melanie Griffith.

01:15:47.000 Is it?

01:15:48.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:15:49.000 Because you know who else has got the big hair in this movie is Joan Cusack.

01:15:55.000 Joan Cusack, yeah, there she is.

01:15:59.000 So they're supposed to be like girls from Long Island or something?

01:16:01.000 Yeah, and they're working at the fancy Manhattan office, but they're like the gum-chewing, cigarette-smoking.

01:16:07.000 That's real.

01:16:07.000 And then she bluffs her way up.

01:16:12.000 Oh! 0.99

01:16:12.000 It's a great fucking movie, but it's so... 0.99

01:16:15.000 The fashion and the hair is hysterical. 1.00

01:16:16.000 It's a corny weaver. 1.00

01:16:18.000 She was hot as fuck. 1.00

01:16:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:21.000 Back in the alien days?

01:16:23.000 Right.

01:16:23.000 She was so hot.

01:16:26.000 It's a rough world, man. 1.00

01:16:27.000 Look at Harrison Ford, handsome bastard. 0.96

01:16:29.000 It's weird that we're watching these people age to the point of decay right in front of us, because that really wasn't a thing until about 50 years ago. 0.98

01:16:41.000 Like, if you really stop, you never got to see that.

01:16:44.000 You never got to see someone age in front of you like that.

01:16:46.000 Like, until, I mean, 50 years?

01:16:49.000 Maybe?

01:16:50.000 No.

01:16:50.000 Maybe a little bit more?

01:16:51.000 Maybe Let's get generous.

01:16:53.000 70, 80 years.

01:16:54.000 Like, this is a new cultural phenomenon.

01:16:57.000 To have visual evidence of decay that you go over with a fine-tooth comb. 1.00

01:17:03.000 And never like this, where I could say, hey, pull that shit up, Jamie. 0.99

01:17:06.000 Let's take a look at Kathleen Turner when she was young. 1.00

01:17:08.000 Woo! 0.99

01:17:09.000 Oh yeah, I'm sure if you pulled up before or after pictures, they're already smashed together in some photos.

01:17:14.000 Oh, for sure.

01:17:15.000 And it's like, no, you look at like Betty Davis.

01:17:17.000 She got to a certain age and then she just went, okay, I'll be in my mansion.

01:17:20.000 Lock it up behind me.

01:17:21.000 I'll see you at my funeral.

01:17:23.000 They just crawled out of the way like a pigeon that got injured.

01:17:26.000 Or Elizabeth Taylor. 0.98

01:17:27.000 She just kept marrying new gay guys. 0.99

01:17:32.000 Some new, obviously, gay guy. 0.97

01:17:34.000 She's like, does she know? 1.00

01:17:36.000 Like, what the fuck's happening? 0.99

01:17:38.000 She was like 70. They were like 45-year-old gay guys. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Whoa, look at that.

01:17:43.000 1983 Smirnoff with Betty Davis, an ad.

01:17:46.000 Oh, Jim Beam.

01:17:48.000 Two of a kind of originals.

01:17:49.000 Why did I say?

01:17:50.000 Oh, Smirnoff vodka ad.

01:17:52.000 Wow.

01:17:53.000 Who was that?

01:17:54.000 The other one.

01:17:55.000 Diane... 0.99

01:17:56.000 What is her name?

01:17:58.000 Where it says in the ad, right there.

01:18:01.000 83 Smirnoff Vodka ad, what's the woman's name?

01:18:05.000 Who's Diane Carroll? 1.00

01:18:06.000 What a weird way to spell Diane. 1.00

01:18:08.000 D-I-A-H-A-N-N. Maybe she's a photographer? 0.99

01:18:12.000 Maybe she's a lot of work. 1.00

01:18:13.000 She likes to change the spelling of her name to be crafty. 1.00

01:18:16.000 There's a lot of Diane's.

01:18:18.000 D-I-A-N-E. I'm not a lot of women. 1.00

01:18:20.000 I'm very different.

01:18:21.000 And you get mad when you correct people.

01:18:22.000 It's D-I-H-A-N. Yeah, if you read it out.

01:18:27.000 D-I-A-N-E! My name is Diane!

01:18:32.000 Well, why don't you spell it, Diane? 1.00

01:18:34.000 Crazy bitch. 1.00

01:18:35.000 It's a phonetic language. 1.00

01:18:36.000 Yeah.

01:18:37.000 Who?

01:18:38.000 That's Diane Carroll. 0.94

01:18:40.000 Oh, there she is.

01:18:41.000 Dynasty.

01:18:42.000 Oh, from Dynasty?

01:18:43.000 There's a new Dynasty, apparently.

01:18:45.000 Oh, good!

01:18:45.000 There's an ad.

01:18:46.000 It's hilarious.

01:18:48.000 It's a billboard.

01:18:49.000 And in the billboard, there's this guy and a couple pretty women behind him. 0.75

01:18:53.000 And one of the pretty women has her tongue out like this, like... 1.00

01:18:57.000 Like showing you a little of her tongue.

01:18:59.000 That's something that, unless you're a rock star, men just don't do.

01:19:04.000 Like men never take a picture, try to look sexy and go like this.

01:19:07.000 Yeah, right.

01:19:08.000 Look at her tongue. 1.00

01:19:09.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:19:10.000 Look at that fucking picture! 0.99

01:19:12.000 First of all, it's on the CW, which I don't even know if I have. 1.00

01:19:18.000 There's certain channels.

01:19:20.000 I didn't even know I don't have epics.

01:19:23.000 DirecTV doesn't have epics. 0.97

01:19:25.000 So I tried to watch someone special on epics, and I was like, oh, I don't even have that fucking thing. 1.00

01:19:30.000 See, that one bitch is pulling the other bitch's hair. 1.00

01:19:33.000 With her tongue out. 1.00

01:19:34.000 She's got her tongue out. 1.00

01:19:35.000 Like, yeah. 1.00

01:19:35.000 Even when I'm violent, I stick my tongue out to lick the tip of dicks. 1.00

01:19:40.000 Like, what is that? 1.00

01:19:41.000 Like, who told her to stick her tongue out like that? 1.00

01:19:43.000 Yeah, baby.

01:19:44.000 Perfect.

01:19:44.000 I like it.

01:19:45.000 What if they didn't?

01:19:46.000 What if they photoshopped her tongue out there and she got the photos? 1.00

01:19:49.000 She's like, what the fuck is this stupid shit? 1.00

01:19:52.000 Why do I have my tongue out? 1.00

01:19:53.000 Well, the editor made a choice.

01:19:55.000 An artistic choice.

01:19:56.000 This is the new, like, kiss face.

01:19:59.000 The selfie face.

01:20:00.000 What was the one that you just pulled up? 0.98

01:20:01.000 That gay picture you just pulled up? 0.98

01:20:02.000 Fighting or something? 0.98

01:20:03.000 Oh, there's a bunch of guys.

01:20:04.000 Other guys are fighting. 1.00

01:20:05.000 That black guy's gonna kick that white guy's ass while we're pretending he's not. 1.00

01:20:09.000 You know? 1.00

01:20:10.000 Yeah, he's eyeballing him. 1.00

01:20:11.000 That black guy's gonna fuck that white guy up. 1.00

01:20:13.000 I can tell by looking at their faces. 1.00

01:20:15.000 Right.

01:20:17.000 That's true.

01:20:18.000 Do you find that with MMA? You can tell from the weigh-ins and all that?

01:20:22.000 Nope.

01:20:22.000 Who's got an edge?

01:20:23.000 You definitely can't.

01:20:24.000 You think you can, you're often wrong.

01:20:26.000 Yeah, you can't.

01:20:28.000 You can't tell.

01:20:29.000 There's a lot of guys that look like doughboys, but they can fight. 1.00

01:20:32.000 Yeah.

01:20:32.000 They just know how to fight, and it's also they know how to endure.

01:20:36.000 Sometimes guys, when they don't look physically impressive, have had to deal with so many people fucking with them their whole life that they develop this sort of, like... 0.99

01:20:46.000 Werewolf personality, like where they can just go, oh, yeah, motherfucker, and then they just keep coming. 0.99

01:20:52.000 They keep coming at you, and they just never get discouraged. 0.99

01:20:56.000 And those guys, like, a lot of times guys are not physically gifted.

01:21:01.000 They have incredible work ethic, because they have to, because that's the only way they can compete.

01:21:06.000 And so they, like, they'll slowly break guys down just with toughness.

01:21:11.000 The problem with those guys is...

01:21:13.000 They take an extreme beating and it's not sustainable.

01:21:18.000 And then one day they run into a guy who has both.

01:21:22.000 See, there's discipline and there's talent.

01:21:25.000 And a lot of times, talented people don't have discipline.

01:21:28.000 And you know you just wish they did because then they'd be the greatest ever.

01:21:32.000 Well the greatest ever are the guys with talent and discipline.

01:21:35.000 Like Anderson Silva or someone like that.

01:21:37.000 Like talented but also like physically superior.

01:21:42.000 Just moves faster and then also works incredibly hard.

01:21:46.000 Right.

01:21:47.000 And then also can perform under pressure and knows how to come back from behind. 1.00

01:21:51.000 Like knows how to turn around when he's getting his ass kicked. 0.99

01:21:55.000 Yeah, that's the third aspect. 0.99

01:21:57.000 You have to have the psychological...

01:21:59.000 You have to be able to take it.

01:22:00.000 You have to be able to be the hammer or the nail.

01:22:02.000 You've got to be able to be the nail.

01:22:04.000 A lot of guys can't be the nail.

01:22:05.000 They start getting hit on. 0.99

01:22:06.000 They're like, fuck this, I've got to get out of here. 0.99

01:22:08.000 And some guys are great and they're like that. 0.99

01:22:11.000 So there's some great fighters that just can't take a beating.

01:22:14.000 It's very strange.

01:22:16.000 Fighting is the weirdest of all...

01:22:19.000 Like sports.

01:22:20.000 Because it's not really a sport.

01:22:22.000 It kind of is.

01:22:23.000 It's an athletic endeavor.

01:22:24.000 But it's so much more emotional and tense than just a regular sport, like calling it a sport.

01:22:31.000 There's so much more to it.

01:22:33.000 It's more personal.

01:22:34.000 You taking off to the bathroom, Jamie?

01:22:37.000 Can't handle it.

01:22:38.000 Jamie can't handle it.

01:22:40.000 Now we don't get to see him sneak around behind you anymore.

01:22:42.000 We have a new setup.

01:22:43.000 Yeah, you should have a camera in the bathroom.

01:22:47.000 You can get sued for that.

01:22:48.000 You get in trouble.

01:22:49.000 You ever hear about Chuck Berry?

01:22:51.000 Yes, that's what I was going to say.

01:22:54.000 Dude, that came out, that was another thing. 0.99

01:22:57.000 I knew, I had heard rumors, and again, am I in the fucking music industry? 0.99

01:23:02.000 I had heard rumors that Chuck Berry had hours and hours of footage of women pissing and shitting, and that he had cameras hidden in the toilet seats of his restaurant in Illinois. 0.99

01:23:16.000 I knew this shit for years, and then all of a sudden it came out in the news, And there was a class action lawsuit that I believe he lost. 0.99

01:23:24.000 I should say all of this with supposedly. 0.99

01:23:28.000 Allegedly.

01:23:29.000 So I don't get sued.

01:23:30.000 Allegedly.

01:23:30.000 Well, he's dead.

01:23:31.000 You can get away with that.

01:23:32.000 Oh, is he dead? 1.00

01:23:32.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00

01:23:33.000 But I mean, it's amazing that this shit is out there. 1.00

01:23:36.000 Bill Cosby. 1.00

01:23:37.000 I knew that Bill Cosby was molesting women. 0.57

01:23:39.000 So did you.

01:23:40.000 Yes. 0.76

01:23:40.000 I knew it because when I was on the set of news radio, people knew him from whatever thing, and that was always the thing, that Bill Cosby drugs women. 0.76

01:23:49.000 And I'd heard it like, what?

01:23:51.000 He does?

01:23:52.000 It was always some weird thing.

01:23:53.000 I never met him, but I don't even think I knew someone who had been around him.

01:23:59.000 I think it was just like one of those things where people just knew.

01:24:02.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 You just knew that Michael Jackson was probably diddling kids.

01:24:08.000 We knew it because we knew...

01:24:10.000 Well, that's the thing that's coming out.

01:24:12.000 Who did we know?

01:24:13.000 Did we know somebody?

01:24:14.000 Yeah.

01:24:15.000 Who did we know?

01:24:16.000 We knew somebody who sent a boy to the ranch.

01:24:21.000 What?

01:24:21.000 Who's we?

01:24:23.000 I don't want to say on the air who it is.

01:24:27.000 Somebody in the industry.

01:24:28.000 But when you say we knew, like who's we?

01:24:31.000 You and I. Me?

01:24:33.000 Yeah.

01:24:33.000 I did not know someone who sent a boy to the ranch.

01:24:36.000 Unless I didn't know that they sent a boy to the ranch.

01:24:39.000 Maybe you didn't know.

01:24:41.000 You didn't know.

01:24:41.000 I'll tell you off the air.

01:24:42.000 Jesus Christ.

01:24:43.000 What about all these people that are listening in suspense right now?

01:24:46.000 I know.

01:24:46.000 I shouldn't have brought it up.

01:24:48.000 Yeah, you shouldn't have. 1.00

01:24:49.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:24:51.000 Now you make me think. 1.00

01:24:53.000 All these people out there don't know.

01:24:56.000 They're all hanging!

01:24:57.000 They're all hanging on a thread, like, who was it?

01:25:00.000 Yeah.

01:25:00.000 Well, I think it's one of the reasons why we like really good stuff, too, right?

01:25:05.000 Because we can't imagine being able to do that.

01:25:07.000 Right.

01:25:07.000 Like, when you see someone who's, like, playing, like, you see, like, Gary Clark Jr. or something playing guitar on stage, mesmerizing.

01:25:14.000 Yeah, right. 0.98

01:25:15.000 Goddamn, that guy's good! 0.99

01:25:16.000 Right. 1.00

01:25:16.000 Like, holy shit! 1.00

01:25:17.000 You know, there's something about watching someone who's mesmerizing that's equally captivating as watching someone who's awful Yeah, look at, um, what's his name from Queen? 0.99

01:25:29.000 Freddie Mercury?

01:25:29.000 Freddie Mercury.

01:25:30.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:25:31.000 I mean, that guy fucking went for it. 0.99

01:25:33.000 Woo! 1.00

01:25:33.000 He went for it back in the day when no one even knew he was gay, right? 1.00

01:25:37.000 They didn't understand, like, what a gay frontman was.

01:25:40.000 Right. 0.81

01:25:41.000 Like, now, you could be a gay frontman now. 0.96

01:25:44.000 Like, Elton John is openly gay. 0.98

01:25:46.000 Everyone knows it. 0.95

01:25:47.000 And he goes out there and sings, and everybody goes nuts and...

01:25:51.000 Back then, you couldn't.

01:25:52.000 Back then, Wembley Stadium with a mustache sticking out and a leather vest.

01:25:58.000 We are the champions.

01:26:00.000 Yeah.

01:26:01.000 But you gotta think, he must have gone that big.

01:26:04.000 When they were playing bars and saloons on their way up, he must have been going big then.

01:26:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:26:09.000 Where it probably looked ridiculous, but certain people got it. 0.99

01:26:13.000 Well, he's so good that even when he was doing those bars, people must have heard that voice and went, holy shit, listen to this guy. 0.99

01:26:21.000 Right. 1.00

01:26:21.000 Because he could carry a fucking note. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Look at that picture of him there. 1.00

01:26:25.000 That's not even him.

01:26:26.000 That's from the movie that they're making about him.

01:26:27.000 Oh, really?

01:26:28.000 That's not him?

01:26:29.000 No.

01:26:29.000 Wow, that guy looks amazingly like him.

01:26:31.000 Oh, I think what's his name is doing it.

01:26:34.000 Rami Malek is the actor's name.

01:26:35.000 Who's Brian J. Singer?

01:26:37.000 That guy.

01:26:38.000 I don't know.

01:26:39.000 He's verified.

01:26:40.000 I think Sacha Baron Cohen wanted that role.

01:26:42.000 Really?

01:26:43.000 Yeah.

01:26:43.000 He probably would have nailed it.

01:26:44.000 Yep.

01:26:46.000 I wonder why they didn't give it to him.

01:26:48.000 I mean, it's almost like...

01:26:49.000 Ricky Boobie.

01:26:51.000 Did you see that?

01:26:52.000 What was it, Live Aid, where they were simulcasting from London and Philadelphia at the same time?

01:26:57.000 Scroll up, scroll up there. 0.99

01:26:58.000 And he fucking stole the show. 0.99

01:27:00.000 That's him, for real. 0.99

01:27:02.000 Yeah.

01:27:03.000 Live Aid, where Sacha Baron Cohen stole the show?

01:27:06.000 No, where Freddie Mercury did.

01:27:08.000 No.

01:27:08.000 It was back in...

01:27:10.000 84-ish.

01:27:13.000 When did he die?

01:27:16.000 I don't know.

01:27:17.000 He was like one of the first big names to die of AIDS. Yeah.

01:27:20.000 Well, you heard about it and you went, what?

01:27:21.000 Right. 0.99

01:27:23.000 Fucked up, man. 0.99

01:27:23.000 Ninety-one. 0.99

01:27:25.000 Ninety-one?

01:27:25.000 Ninety-one.

01:27:25.000 Ninety-one?

01:27:26.000 Nobody dies of AIDS now.

01:27:27.000 It's very rare.

01:27:29.000 Yeah.

01:27:30.000 I don't say nobody, but it's saying like nobody dies of syphilis.

01:27:33.000 You still can, but...

01:27:34.000 Did you hear that California just recently reduced the penalty of not telling someone that you have HIV? Oh, did they?

01:27:45.000 Yeah, like wantonly infecting someone with HIV is no longer a felony.

01:27:50.000 Why? 0.99

01:27:51.000 The guy who introduced it, the senator, there's a fucking picture of him. 0.99

01:27:56.000 New California law reduces penalty for knowingly exposing someone to HIV. Why the fuck would you do that? 1.00

01:28:01.000 HIV is a public health issue, not a criminal issue. 0.99

01:28:04.000 California State Senator Scott Weiner said in support of the bill, which takes...

01:28:08.000 Now, Google that guy and find a picture of him with his shirt off, with a leather vest on, a six-pack, and a dog collar around his neck.

01:28:16.000 And I'm not kidding.

01:28:17.000 I'm not kidding. 0.99

01:28:19.000 Like, there's a fucking image of him. 1.00

01:28:21.000 That's him, but he's jacked. 1.00

01:28:23.000 But there's a photo.

01:28:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:25.000 Yeah, look at this.

01:28:27.000 Sorry, not a dog collar.

01:28:28.000 He's got a leather tie wrapped around his neck.

01:28:31.000 Might as well be a dog collar.

01:28:32.000 But look at this.

01:28:33.000 This is the guy.

01:28:35.000 I mean, if he's not gay, he's certainly sympathetic to the cause.

01:28:39.000 And this is the guy that's supporting this bill saying that HIV is a health issue. 0.99

01:28:44.000 No, it's not a health issue if you fucking knowingly give it to somebody. 0.99

01:28:49.000 If you knowingly shoot a hot load into someone knowing you have HIV. You get back from the doctor. 0.99

01:28:54.000 The doctor says, Greg, I've got some bad news for you.

01:28:57.000 You got the hiv.

01:28:59.000 And you're like, well, I got some bad news forever.

01:29:01.000 I'm shooting loads, too, because I'm not going to tell them. 0.97

01:29:04.000 I like shooting loads into people. 0.99

01:29:05.000 I don't like condoms. 0.99

01:29:06.000 Like, you're doing a criminal act.

01:29:09.000 It's a deadly weapon. 1.00

01:29:10.000 Your semen is a deadly weapon. 1.00

01:29:12.000 Not today if you get treatment. 0.98

01:29:14.000 But what if someone doesn't like doctors?

01:29:16.000 Yeah.

01:29:17.000 What if they're afraid of doctors?

01:29:18.000 There's a lot of people that are afraid.

01:29:19.000 They're afraid of going to the doctor.

01:29:20.000 So if they don't go to the doctor, HIV turns into AIDS, they die of AIDS. You fucking gave it to them, man. 1.00

01:29:26.000 How is that not a felony? 1.00

01:29:27.000 And who would want to reduce that crime?

01:29:30.000 Who would want to reduce the crime of knowingly exposing someone to a death-dealing disease?

01:29:37.000 A disease that's killed untold hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people worldwide, right?

01:29:42.000 I mean, I don't know the numbers, but it's probably millions.

01:29:45.000 Right?

01:29:46.000 Yeah.

01:29:46.000 Why would you do that?

01:29:47.000 Like, who's clamoring for that to be reduced? 1.00

01:29:51.000 Well, think about how many guys are, what do they call it, on the down low, where they go out and they have sex with men, get sick, and then have sex with their wives. 0.98

01:30:00.000 A lot of wives get AIDS. Or HIV, right? 1.00

01:30:04.000 You get HIV. Yeah.

01:30:06.000 Yeah, that's...

01:30:09.000 That's one of those diseases where they essentially found a cure for it, right?

01:30:13.000 They have a treatment, and that treatment reduces it to the point where it's not even—you can't even detect it in the blood anymore.

01:30:22.000 Oh, it's that good?

01:30:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:23.000 It's undetectable.

01:30:25.000 Like, Magic Johnson said that Jesus did it for him.

01:30:28.000 Jesus made my HIV go away.

01:30:31.000 No longer detectable.

01:30:32.000 That is so cool.

01:30:33.000 It's a bad magic Johnson accent.

01:30:35.000 It's a horrible impression.

01:30:37.000 But yeah, they literally have gotten to the point where it's undetectable.

01:30:41.000 What does it say?

01:30:42.000 Number of deaths due to HIV-AIDS estimates by country.

01:30:45.000 There was a million last year, but it has no data for the United States, the United Kingdom, or the UAE. And this is how it's been explained to me, so I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

01:30:56.000 The problem with this distinction, and this is one of the real problems with the way they used it to describe Africa.

01:31:04.000 They were saying all these people in Africa get AIDS and die.

01:31:08.000 Well, this doctor was telling me, and he's completely off the record when he was telling me this because he's a progressive, very smart, liberal guy.

01:31:16.000 He's like, okay.

01:31:18.000 He goes...

01:31:19.000 What you're talking about is people with extremely compromised immune systems that's from a variety of different reasons.

01:31:25.000 He goes, they're not getting HIV tests.

01:31:28.000 He goes, these people in these really poor areas in Africa, this is, you know, we're talking like early 2000s.

01:31:33.000 He's like...

01:31:47.000 Mm-hmm.

01:31:51.000 The way you get funding is you say there's a million cases of AIDS in Africa.

01:31:55.000 You don't get funding when you say there's a million cases of people who are malnourished, who have a host of horrific diseases.

01:32:02.000 Unacceptable that we're trending to 50% of African American gay bi men having HIV must end this health disparity.

01:32:09.000 Why are you pulling that?

01:32:10.000 Oh, that's Wiener? 0.57

01:32:11.000 That's the guy?

01:32:12.000 His name's Wiener, which is hilarious.

01:32:15.000 Another Wiener.

01:32:16.000 But unacceptable that we're trending to 50% of African American gay bi men having HIV. Meanwhile, he says, must end this health disparity, and the best way to end it is to reduce the penalty from knowingly giving it to people. 0.69

01:32:29.000 That's just...

01:32:30.000 I don't want to say that he has it, and he just wants to make it a little easier on himself, but why would you do that?

01:32:38.000 Why would you want to reduce that?

01:32:40.000 Owen Benjamin had a great tweet about it.

01:32:43.000 Yeah, something about allowing Charlie Sheen to... 1.00

01:32:47.000 California is allowing Charlie Sheen to have less of a penalty for having unprotected sex with unsuspecting young women, you fucking psychos, or something like that. 1.00

01:32:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:59.000 Well, you know, the question is, can you legislate behavior?

01:33:03.000 Right.

01:33:04.000 Can you?

01:33:05.000 It's tricky.

01:33:06.000 Good question.

01:33:07.000 Do you want to, right?

01:33:09.000 Do you want to legislate behavior?

01:33:11.000 Or do you want people to just be...

01:33:14.000 But you have to punish people for...

01:33:18.000 If you have some sort of an incurable disease, AIDS obviously is curable, or HIV is, right?

01:33:26.000 At least at this point, it's treatable.

01:33:28.000 It shouldn't be curable.

01:33:30.000 But if you have something like what would be...

01:33:32.000 Okay, here's a perfect example.

01:33:34.000 Remember when that woman came back from Africa and they suspected that she had been exposed to Ebola and people were freaking the fuck out because she was wandering around?

01:33:42.000 She's like, I'm not going to be quarantined. 1.00

01:33:44.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:33:45.000 And they're like, this bitch is a monster, right? 1.00

01:33:48.000 That's much more communicable than HIV is, I guess, but not much difference in terms of what it can do. 1.00

01:33:57.000 I mean, you're talking about something that kills people, right? 0.98

01:34:00.000 It's kind of the same thing in a lot of ways, but we tend to look past things that are sexually transmitted, because like, well, don't get fucked, you don't have any problems, you know? 0.99

01:34:10.000 Don't do anything that Jesus wouldn't want you to do, and you don't have any issues. 1.00

01:34:13.000 What are you, take it in the ass, you fucking piece of shit? 1.00

01:34:16.000 You horrible person, you know? 1.00

01:34:19.000 No, it's like now where they're allowing companies to not have to cover women's birth control. 0.99

01:34:26.000 And it's like they want to shame people from having sex.

01:34:32.000 It's the same thing with, you know, not paying for abortions.

01:34:36.000 Do you really think that's what it is? 0.99

01:34:38.000 I think orgasms are free, and the haves fucking drives me crazy. 0.98

01:34:44.000 I don't think that's what it is. 0.99

01:34:45.000 I think it's a financial issue.

01:34:47.000 I think if you look behind it, I bet there's probably insurance companies that are involved in this.

01:34:52.000 There's probably a lot of people that...

01:34:53.000 Look, if you have to pay, or companies...

01:34:57.000 Like, if a company has to pay for your employees' birth control pills...

01:35:00.000 And you have 100,000 employees.

01:35:02.000 How many birth control pills are you paying for?

01:35:04.000 That's a lot of money.

01:35:05.000 I mean, and you go across the board.

01:35:06.000 And also you set a precedent.

01:35:08.000 If you have to pay for that, maybe you have to pay for something that comes along similar for men or some other issue that women might have that has to be covered. 0.99

01:35:15.000 I think it's all financial.

01:35:17.000 Wouldn't it be expensive, though, to have women missing work for pregnancies? 1.00

01:35:21.000 Fire them. 1.00

01:35:22.000 Fuck them. 1.00

01:35:24.000 It's kind of a weird thing, right? 1.00

01:35:26.000 It's because if somebody works for you, they don't just work for you, right?

01:35:29.000 We are assuming that person is dependent upon you.

01:35:32.000 It's one of the weirder things about employment.

01:35:34.000 It's like that's not just someone who works for you.

01:35:38.000 You have to take care of that person.

01:35:40.000 You're supposed to provide them with insurance.

01:35:43.000 You're supposed to provide them with benefits.

01:35:45.000 You're supposed to allow them to take time off.

01:35:50.000 It's a weird thing because we've settled into the idea that this person is completely dependent upon their employer.

01:35:59.000 I think this idea that if a woman has a child...

01:36:05.000 That you have to give her maternity leave, or you have to pay her while she has the baby, and that you have to maybe pay child support or some sort of childcare while she has the baby.

01:36:17.000 The people really want that.

01:36:18.000 They want that as part of it.

01:36:19.000 Because people, the way people live, in this country in particular, and we just assume that you have to live this way, Because we compare ourselves to people that live in like indigenous tribes or in third-world countries where they don't have Constant employment and they don't have high overhead right rent bills all the different things that we have But we have like this system set up where once you're in the system Once you start making that money you need that money and when your kid comes you can't just quit work No 0.61

01:36:50.000 one does that anymore.

01:36:51.000 We don't think anyone should do that anymore.

01:36:53.000 We assume that woman is eventually going to go back to work. 1.00

01:36:55.000 So she's going to get a maternity leave because the company values her as an employee. 0.84

01:37:00.000 And then once she's done with her maternity leave, maybe there'll be some other sort of compensation or some sort of... 0.91

01:37:07.000 And she definitely won't be working any long hours or overtime anymore. 0.78

01:37:10.000 Now she's got to get home and take care of her kid. 0.98

01:37:12.000 That's the hidden thing in the whole argument against...

01:37:18.000 The financial, the difference in the amount of money, like income disparity between men and women, the big one, one of the big ones, is the number of hours that women are willing to work. 0.86

01:37:28.000 There's a series of choices, right?

01:37:29.000 There's the jobs they gravitate towards, there's the number of hours that they're willing to work, There's taking time off when they have children. 0.98

01:37:38.000 And another one of the big ones is this is one that works sort of against them that doesn't get discussed when men are trying to say that the income inequality thing is all bullshit. 0.99

01:37:49.000 Women are not as good at negotiating for a better salary. 1.00

01:37:53.000 They're not as aggressive in negotiating for a better salary.

01:37:56.000 And even if they do just as good a job as the man.

01:38:00.000 That's the one area where they sort of seem to fall behind, where it's like a rational distinction that a woman is doing the same job as a man and not getting paid as well.

01:38:10.000 Because when you look at the income inequality between men and women, you know, it's like 77 cents on the dollar.

01:38:15.000 It's really not real.

01:38:16.000 It's not like they're working the same job next to each other.

01:38:19.000 You were telling me it's because men will work more dangerous jobs and tend to pay more.

01:38:23.000 Yeah, more dangerous jobs tend to pay more.

01:38:25.000 Men are much more likely to die on the job.

01:38:27.000 It's much more likely to get injured on the job.

01:38:29.000 There's a bunch of fields that men gravitate towards that are particularly just interesting and attractive to men that women don't gravitate towards.

01:38:42.000 And if they do, it's in lower numbers.

01:38:43.000 And obviously, these are gross generalizations because there's women who are MMA fighters, right? 1.00

01:38:48.000 A lot of them.

01:38:49.000 I mean, I see them all the time.

01:38:52.000 Not a lot of them, but a few.

01:38:55.000 You can't just pigeonhole people.

01:38:58.000 There's a lot of men that are florists, right?

01:39:00.000 It's very difficult to just say, a man is this and a woman is that. 0.84

01:39:05.000 But there's trends, obviously.

01:39:07.000 There's for sure trends.

01:39:08.000 And to deny those trends seems to be the state of discourse today.

01:39:13.000 People like to deny those trends, and any accepting of those trends is some sort of accepting of this Systematic oppression of women or systematic oppression of gay people.

01:39:25.000 It's very weird in this room.

01:39:28.000 That woman wrote that book, Lean In. 1.00

01:39:29.000 I think it was a lot about that.

01:39:31.000 Negotiate.

01:39:33.000 It shouldn't be mandated.

01:39:34.000 You should be able to go in and fight for your salary.

01:39:37.000 Get a better salary.

01:39:38.000 Fight for the corner office. 1.00

01:39:40.000 And don't wait for it to be handed to you because the patriarchal system is not going to suddenly just make things fair.

01:39:47.000 But is the patriarchal system real?

01:39:48.000 Is there a patriarchal system?

01:39:51.000 Well, look at Harvey Weinstein.

01:39:52.000 Okay, that's a different thing.

01:39:53.000 Because that's a power issue, right? 1.00

01:39:55.000 And when you have absolute power, like that guy had, and you're also a fat, ugly fuck, and you realize this is a way to get Gwyneth Paltrow to suck my dick. 1.00

01:40:07.000 That's a unique situation. 1.00

01:40:09.000 But I think the dynamic of it is that since men do obviously quantifiably have more power positions on the boards of companies and management and partners, that women are intimidated by that.

01:40:23.000 They're intimidated to go up against it. 0.99

01:40:25.000 I think there's also a thing where women don't want to be a bitch, right? 1.00

01:40:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:32.000 Like men don't view a woman who's aggressive the same way they view a man as aggressive. 1.00

01:40:37.000 Like if you and I work in an office and you're like always hustling and getting ahead and always like fighting for what's yours, like Greg's an aggressive motherfucker. 1.00

01:40:44.000 He gets shit done. 1.00

01:40:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:46.000 But if a woman is doing the exact same thing, that fucking bitch, I don't want to be around her. 1.00

01:40:49.000 She's such a bitch. 1.00

01:40:51.000 A woman who exhibits the same sort of aggressive tendencies, it's negative. 1.00

01:40:55.000 Whereas a guy is an ass-kicker. 1.00

01:40:57.000 Right, right. 0.99

01:40:58.000 Do you remember, who was the comic up in Boston who had that...

01:41:01.000 Every comic had one great joke, and this guy's joke was, behind every successful man there's a woman, and behind every successful woman are two guys calling her a lesbian. 0.99

01:41:11.000 Fuck, who was that? 0.99

01:41:12.000 Remember that guy? 1.00

01:41:13.000 He had wire room glasses.

01:41:15.000 He was a little bit chubby. 1.00

01:41:17.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:41:19.000 Do you remember that joke, though? 0.99

01:41:20.000 I do remember it now that you said it. 0.99

01:41:22.000 I'm just trying to remember who the fuck... 0.99

01:41:23.000 Not Charlie. 1.00

01:41:25.000 Goddamn, who was that? 0.98

01:41:26.000 I want to give him a shout-out if he's still doing it. 0.97

01:41:28.000 I always wonder about if guys like that are still doing it.

01:41:31.000 I wonder if they do do it.

01:41:32.000 Like, they just do it every now and then.

01:41:34.000 They have a job.

01:41:35.000 Right.

01:41:35.000 Like, if you have a regular job and you, like, go out on the weekends, do a Dick Daugherty gig here and there.

01:41:40.000 Pick up $300 over the weekend.

01:41:42.000 Sure. 1.00

01:41:42.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:41:43.000 And fun. 1.00

01:41:43.000 Have a good time, too. 1.00

01:41:44.000 Have a good time.

01:41:45.000 Get some free drinks.

01:41:46.000 Maybe if you're single, maybe you meet a woman.

01:41:49.000 I mean, what better way to meet women than getting on stage for, you know, if these guys are doing 20 minutes or a half hour and they get off stage and mingle?

01:41:56.000 Yeah.

01:41:57.000 Better than fucking what? 0.99

01:41:58.000 Going to a Beefsteak Charlie's? 1.00

01:42:00.000 Standing at the bar?

01:42:02.000 Looking at a rusted trombone on the wall?

01:42:04.000 Going to $1.99, ordering some wings and a beer and looking around.

01:42:08.000 Creeping people out.

01:42:11.000 Hey, where are you from?

01:42:12.000 What?

01:42:14.000 And for a man to try to stand out, it's such a grind for a guy to stand out.

01:42:18.000 That's why a guy's peacock, right?

01:42:20.000 He's wearing big watches and rings and driving a fancy car, just trying to...

01:42:27.000 Trying to peacock! 0.89

01:42:28.000 Trying to get everybody to look at you. 0.99

01:42:29.000 Because we're gross. 0.98

01:42:30.000 Oh, we're gross. 0.98

01:42:31.000 We're gross. 0.98

01:42:31.000 Women are beautiful. 0.98

01:42:32.000 You don't see statues of men.

01:42:34.000 You do.

01:42:35.000 Greek statues.

01:42:35.000 But they're men that don't look like us.

01:42:37.000 Yeah, a little different.

01:42:39.000 And maybe a little of that.

01:42:40.000 Maybe a little of that.

01:42:41.000 Somebody had a great joke the other day.

01:42:43.000 He was like, the difference between the Greeks and Italians. 0.62

01:42:47.000 The Greeks invented making love.

01:42:50.000 The Italians did it to women. 1.00

01:42:57.000 Some Italian guy, of course, told me that joke. 1.00

01:42:59.000 We were both in Italy last summer, and it's like, looking at those statues of the men, and they're like, they're fucking beautiful! 1.00

01:43:07.000 Like, their abs are just perfect, and then they have dicks! 0.99

01:43:11.000 And it's so weird, because if you had a statue that's that realistic in, like, the grove... 0.99

01:43:17.000 Right.

01:43:17.000 Some Christian would cloak it and they'd cart it off because it was too graphic.

01:43:22.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:43:22.000 And you've got to think, like, when you're the sculptor and you're putting that much effort where the dick has, like, a slightly bent shaft and you can see the crown and there's almost like a slit at the tip of the... 0.98

01:43:33.000 It's like, after a couple days, you've got to look at the sculptor like, okay, we think he got it. 0.99

01:43:39.000 Yeah, there's a puddle of drool under him while he's carving out this cock. 1.00

01:43:43.000 He's got his hand on the balls while he's working on the shaft. 1.00

01:43:47.000 Well, here's what's interesting. 0.99

01:43:48.000 There's two different things that are interesting about dicks in those ancient Roman times. 0.98

01:43:53.000 One thing is that the original, the early days, they used to have just the cock hanging out, right? 0.99

01:44:00.000 Then, there came a period of time where they started, because of some religious influence, they started covering them with leaves.

01:44:07.000 And that was like after the fact.

01:44:09.000 And they actually added leaves to some statues. 0.99

01:44:12.000 Oh, so there's dick under there. 1.00

01:44:13.000 Yeah, some of them. 1.00

01:44:14.000 Wow!

01:44:15.000 And then they start... 0.88

01:44:16.000 They started doing some statues where they put the leaf over the dick as they were constructing it. 0.99

01:44:23.000 But they did retrofit some statues for dicks. 0.98

01:44:26.000 But here, go back to that again real quick. 1.00

01:44:28.000 These pictures of the dicks. 0.99

01:44:29.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

01:44:29.000 Now here's what's interesting about these dicks. 0.99

01:44:31.000 You look at these guys and these big, athletic-looking wrestler characters, they all have little dicks. 0.99

01:44:36.000 And one of the reasons why they had little dicks is because in this time of, I mean, This is my interpretation of it, right? 0.98

01:44:44.000 And this is what... 0.98

01:44:45.000 I had a really good professor that took us on a tour in Rome of the Vatican.

01:44:50.000 We got super lucky.

01:44:52.000 We hired a professor.

01:44:54.000 And he was fantastic.

01:44:55.000 And he loved that I knew a lot about ancient history, particularly their use of drugs.

01:45:01.000 So we were talking about the giant pine cone that's in the middle of the Vatican.

01:45:06.000 They have this outdoor area with a big pine cone.

01:45:09.000 And he goes, do you know what that represents?

01:45:12.000 I go, that's the pineal gland. 0.99

01:45:13.000 And he goes, how do you know? 0.98

01:45:15.000 And then we started talking and we started talking about drugs and endogenous production of dimethyltryptamine and shit like that. 1.00

01:45:21.000 No shit! 1.00

01:45:22.000 And then he and I, we fucking ignored my family. 1.00

01:45:26.000 We were holding hands and wandering through the Vatican together. 0.99

01:45:29.000 But as this guy was explaining that, I go, why are their dicks all so little? 0.99

01:45:34.000 And he goes, that's a very good question. 1.00

01:45:36.000 And he said that a large dick was thought to be a gross, primitive thing. 1.00

01:45:44.000 Like to have a large dick, you were like a non-evolved thing. 1.00

01:45:49.000 No kidding. 1.00

01:45:50.000 When you think about how close these people were to cave people, right? 0.75

01:45:56.000 Like you're thinking about a thousand, two thousand years ago, right? 0.99

01:46:00.000 Go back two thousand years before that and what the fuck do you have?

01:46:05.000 You know, I mean you have ancient Egypt and a few, but you have essentially like small villages, 2,000 years before that, you don't have the wheel, okay? 0.88

01:46:14.000 So you're talking about the wheel, I believe, goes back somewhere around 5,500 years ago.

01:46:21.000 It's the first evidence of the wheel.

01:46:23.000 That is super recent, right?

01:46:25.000 So these people were essentially realizing that there's a better way.

01:46:29.000 Like now we have Rome, we have sophistication, we have art, we have culture, we have music and wine, and we're not going to go back to those big dick ways, right? 0.99

01:46:38.000 Smashing heads and just fucking wild animals. 1.00

01:46:42.000 And I think when they thought of the barbarian hordes that would come and just fucking rape and pillage, they probably thought those big, fat, juicy dicks were one of the reasons why they were so horrible and so base and vile and primitive. 1.00

01:46:59.000 They had these big hogs and smashing skulls and raping and killing. 1.00

01:47:04.000 They were trying to move past that. 0.97

01:47:05.000 And one way that they tried to express that was in their art.

01:47:09.000 This sophisticated, incredibly anatomically correct art. 0.99

01:47:12.000 And they all had these little tiny baby dicks. 1.00

01:47:15.000 And these baby dicks were supposed to represent culture and sophistication. 1.00

01:47:19.000 Sort of like how a fat woman was supposed to represent a woman who ate a lot. 1.00

01:47:24.000 It was a woman of culture, so they were attractive.

01:47:27.000 Look at that guy. 1.00

01:47:28.000 He's built like Brock Lesnar, and he's got a dick like Pee Wee Herman. 0.99

01:47:33.000 Like, look at that. 1.00

01:47:34.000 I don't know if Pee Wee Herman is a little dick. 1.00

01:47:35.000 I always thought it was because over time the dick must have just gotten knocked off and that's why they were so small. 1.00

01:47:41.000 No, no. 1.00

01:47:41.000 They purposely represented these gigantic muscular men as having tiny penises which showed sophistication. 1.00

01:47:51.000 So they were almost in this like transitionary position. 0.74

01:47:54.000 The period of, like, the muscles were big, the body was obviously, like, very primal, you know?

01:48:00.000 They were obviously, like, very fit, but they had these little tiny cocks in what they admired. 0.99

01:48:05.000 If that holds, I wonder if that translates to the myth that the African-American man has a big penis goes to that. 0.99

01:48:14.000 First of all, it ain't a myth, pal. 0.99

01:48:17.000 I got news for you.

01:48:18.000 What do you watch them in? 0.98

01:48:19.000 Porn movies? 0.97

01:48:20.000 Blacked.com.

01:48:21.000 It's a website.

01:48:23.000 It's a website.

01:48:23.000 It's called Blacked.

01:48:25.000 Really?

01:48:26.000 Yeah, there's a couple porn stars that I've followed on Twitter, and they'll just post.

01:48:30.000 That's the weird thing about Twitter. 1.00

01:48:32.000 Sometimes I'll forget that I follow porn stars, and I'm going through my Twitter feed, and I'm like, oh, there's a dick and an ass. 1.00

01:48:38.000 Just out of nowhere. 1.00

01:48:40.000 There's a girl taking a hot one in the face. 1.00

01:48:44.000 Twitter, this is one of the things that I actually love about Twitter.

01:48:48.000 Twitter, in a lot of ways, is still wild.

01:48:52.000 I think they're trying to get a hold of it.

01:48:55.000 I'm trying to get Jack from Twitter, the head guy on the podcast.

01:48:58.000 We've been going back and forth.

01:48:59.000 Oh yeah?

01:49:00.000 He's expressed some interest about it, but a little trepidation.

01:49:02.000 He's a little worried about how to—because they're trying to censor people, but the people they're trying to censor are the people that are actively harassing people, the people that are using unwanted sexual advances and sending unwanted naked photos and things along those lines to people,

01:49:21.000 right?

01:49:21.000 Upending elections.

01:49:23.000 That's a little different.

01:49:24.000 Here's something I thought was fascinating.

01:49:25.000 I retweeted it and accidentally un-retweeted it and then I couldn't find it.

01:49:33.000 I should never do things on my computer when it's like late at night and I'm barely paying attention, but someone posted something that this person that was claiming they were from Rhode Island They posted the tweeting about Hillary Clinton. 0.88

01:49:48.000 It was like in response to something that Donald Trump had done recently that was fucked up.

01:49:52.000 And about Hillary and our deleted emails. 0.81

01:49:55.000 And they left their location on.

01:49:57.000 And it was Russia.

01:49:58.000 Oh no, there's tons of that.

01:50:00.000 There's tons of that.

01:50:01.000 Like a lot of these unknown accounts.

01:50:03.000 It was like Kevin underscore 2012 or something like that.

01:50:08.000 But a lot of these accounts...

01:50:10.000 Where these people are attacking Hillary Clinton and supporting Trump and these right-wing talking points.

01:50:18.000 We literally have to understand.

01:50:20.000 This isn't just a trope.

01:50:23.000 This isn't just some weird talking point the Democrats keep using.

01:50:30.000 There are thousands and thousands of fake internet accounts that are designed to attack people that are supporting someone who's in opposition of their interests and to support someone who is on their side.

01:50:48.000 And these people, these online, whether they're real people or whether they're bots, They're all pro-Trump, all of them.

01:50:56.000 They're all pro-Trump and a lot of them are like stoking the racial tension because that helped Trump get elected.

01:51:03.000 Of course, of course.

01:51:05.000 And it's just fascinating that people are denying this, that a lot of people on the right are denying this and saying, oh, the Democrats are just whining and you lost, get over it.

01:51:15.000 I've seen a lot of that, you lost, get over it.

01:51:18.000 You've got to understand what's happening here.

01:51:20.000 You're not necessarily dealing with real discourse.

01:51:24.000 It's not really the right and the left communicating, stating each other's points, debating.

01:51:29.000 No. 1.00

01:51:29.000 There's a bunch of people that don't have a fuck... 1.00

01:51:32.000 They're not even here. 1.00

01:51:33.000 And they're pretending that they're here. 1.00

01:51:36.000 And they're talking shit about the left, and they're talking shit about... 0.99

01:51:40.000 Anthony Weiner or Hillary Clinton, they're not even necessarily real people. 0.99

01:51:45.000 They might be, but they might just have scripts that they send out from hundreds of different accounts.

01:51:52.000 They might be looking for keywords.

01:51:54.000 There's a weird information war going on right now and an influence war going on right now.

01:52:00.000 And there's a lot of people that don't want to admit it's real. 0.95

01:52:02.000 It's fucking 100% real. 0.98

01:52:04.000 It's 100% real. 0.98

01:52:05.000 I mean, Facebook has already gotten rid of thousands of accounts because they found that they were Russian accounts.

01:52:11.000 And the ads that were being taken out on Facebook, they tracked the money.

01:52:16.000 They were ads that were bought by Russian, I don't know if it was the government or just the oligarchs, but they were purchasing ads on Facebook.

01:52:25.000 What is this?

01:52:25.000 The best Twitter tool?

01:52:26.000 This is one you can buy.

01:52:27.000 I just Googled real quick.

01:52:28.000 Tell me what this is.

01:52:29.000 It's all the stuff you can buy.

01:52:30.000 It's called tweetattackspro.com.

01:52:33.000 It's designed to run thousands of Twitter accounts at the same time, 24-7, to auto-follow, unfollow, follow back, tweet, retweet, reply, favorite, delete, tweet, un-retweet, unfavorite, so they just do everything.

01:52:47.000 Every account can have its own setting, thus preventing Twitter from becoming suspicious about the account, plus the software can simulate human operation perfectly.

01:52:57.000 Exclamation point.

01:52:59.000 $7? 0.99

01:53:00.000 So you buy this for $7 and you just go on a goddamn Greg Fitzsimmons promoting rampage. 0.90

01:53:06.000 And notice at the bottom the syntax. 0.94

01:53:09.000 Designed for everyone's need.

01:53:12.000 That's not an American writing that.

01:53:14.000 No.

01:53:16.000 Not limited by the Twitter API because we don't use it!

01:53:20.000 We should do an experiment.

01:53:24.000 We should buy that and see how much we can jack up your Twitter account.

01:53:29.000 I love it.

01:53:30.000 What's your Twitter account at right now?

01:53:32.000 I don't know.

01:53:33.000 What's Gray Fitzsimmons, Fitzdog Radio on Twitter?

01:53:37.000 80-something thousand.

01:53:39.000 Not a lot.

01:53:40.000 It's just under 85,000.

01:53:41.000 85,000.

01:53:42.000 I wonder if we could get you up to like a quarter million in like a couple of months.

01:53:46.000 We could get up to a million probably by the end of the week.

01:53:48.000 Seriously?

01:53:49.000 A million.

01:53:50.000 A million by the end of the week.

01:53:51.000 That might get noticed, but they kind of spread it out a little bit.

01:53:53.000 Keep it down.

01:53:54.000 Keep it down.

01:53:58.000 I think that's, as long as we're really open about what we're doing, I think that would be really a fascinating experiment.

01:54:04.000 How do you do it?

01:54:06.000 Well, we use these things, and then we buy you a bunch of fake accounts.

01:54:11.000 Right.

01:54:12.000 I mean, not fake accounts, fake followers.

01:54:15.000 We just use it.

01:54:16.000 You can get fake followers, right?

01:54:19.000 How does that work?

01:54:19.000 Like, I checked the other day how many of my followers were fake.

01:54:22.000 I swear to God, it was the exact same feeling I had when I took an HIV test in 93. I was like, ooh, here we go.

01:54:30.000 I kind of enjoy looking at the number of followers I have.

01:54:34.000 They were all Russian bots. 0.69

01:54:38.000 No, mine was almost all real, but the number that the president has is like 50%.

01:54:43.000 Like 50% fake accounts.

01:54:45.000 I wonder if he did that.

01:54:47.000 I wonder if he hired or if they just follow him because he's the president and it's a good thing to have like a fake account following the president, especially these Russian troll accounts.

01:54:57.000 I think this came up, I feel like, the first time when John Kerry was running against Obama and they found out, they did like a Twitter audit on his account and found out he had a recent influx of like a million followers on his account.

01:55:08.000 Really?

01:55:08.000 And it seemed like, well, did he do it or did someone just do it to him?

01:55:12.000 Well, I think people, if I was running a campaign and I was already a sleazy piece of shit running a presidential campaign or some sort of political campaign, you got to think they're going to use every tool at their disposal, right? 0.98

01:55:23.000 Of course. 0.99

01:55:23.000 That's what they do, right? 0.99

01:55:25.000 When they muckrake and they fucking go after people and pull out some shit from their past. 1.00

01:55:29.000 Make up some shit about their past. 1.00

01:55:31.000 And use every influence they have. 1.00

01:55:33.000 Look, I think it's a good thing that we found out that Donald Trump is the kind of guy that wants to talk about, hey, just grab him by the pussy. 1.00

01:55:39.000 It's good that we know, oh, this is how he really talks and behaves. 1.00

01:55:44.000 But make no mistake about it, that came about through Dirty Pool.

01:55:48.000 They went and searched and did their best and know people that work at Access Hollywood or wherever, and they tried to find out, you know, what do we got?

01:55:56.000 What do we got on it?

01:55:57.000 We gotta get something.

01:55:58.000 What can I give you?

01:55:58.000 You give me this?

01:55:59.000 Listen, I got a recorder, and he's talking about grabbing pussies. 0.99

01:56:02.000 Ooh, Bobby, if you can get me that, I will get something for you. 0.99

01:56:05.000 I mean, this is all how these people do this. 0.99

01:56:08.000 If you don't think that they would get fake accounts, you're crazy. 1.00

01:56:11.000 Oh, shit, yeah. 1.00

01:56:12.000 No, I know a lot of comedians that have done that. 1.00

01:56:14.000 That have built up to... 1.00

01:56:16.000 Because club owners look at that shit. 1.00

01:56:17.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:56:18.000 For sure.

01:56:19.000 Before they book you and come up with how much they're going to pay you, they quantify you.

01:56:23.000 Yeah, like, what do you think...

01:56:26.000 What do you think we'd have to do to get Greg up to a million?

01:56:29.000 What do you have to do?

01:56:30.000 Let me see what this says.

01:56:31.000 You've got to talk into the microphone.

01:56:33.000 I listened to the podcast recently, and sometimes you...

01:56:36.000 I have it off, because I have the mic off sometimes.

01:56:38.000 I know.

01:56:38.000 No, I understand.

01:56:39.000 It makes extra sounds over here.

01:56:41.000 Let me see what this says.

01:56:43.000 But I was listening to it, and I couldn't understand a word you were saying.

01:56:45.000 I will get up on the mic. 1.00

01:56:46.000 Get up on that bitch. 1.00

01:56:47.000 I'll try to eat it. 1.00

01:56:50.000 At least Syed eats that shit. 1.00

01:56:52.000 I don't know exactly on this particular one. 1.00

01:56:54.000 This one wants you to pay a fee per month.

01:56:56.000 There's other ones you can pay, like a one-time fee, and whatever you're asking to happen will just happen over a couple days.

01:57:02.000 It doesn't happen instantly, but I've seen a couple YouTube videos doing what you're describing.

01:57:07.000 They did it to an employee of theirs without telling them, like...

01:57:10.000 Watch your Instagram account.

01:57:11.000 Anything interesting happen today?

01:57:13.000 I got 2,000 new likes today.

01:57:15.000 I usually only get 20. And he sort of felt like popular or whatever.

01:57:19.000 He didn't know what was going on.

01:57:20.000 Yeah, he was preening.

01:57:20.000 Got excited.

01:57:21.000 Yeah.

01:57:22.000 Yeah, I wonder what we get you up to.

01:57:24.000 Give me a budget and I can figure it out.

01:57:25.000 That'd be cool.

01:57:26.000 We'll give you a budget.

01:57:27.000 Okay, what do you think?

01:57:29.000 How much do we need to spend?

01:57:29.000 100 bucks?

01:57:31.000 500 bucks?

01:57:32.000 500 bucks could do a lot.

01:57:33.000 I know a girl who did that and she went from like 30,000 followers to a million on Instagram.

01:57:40.000 Do you want to also bump up your Spotify numbers or your YouTube numbers or anything like that?

01:57:45.000 Because you can do that as well.

01:57:46.000 Whoa.

01:57:47.000 Maybe Instagram?

01:57:48.000 The girl who did it on Instagram, the way they found out, it was not in our business, it's in another business, but the way they found out that she was doing it was because the amount of likes that she got was the same.

01:57:58.000 The amount of likes her images got, the amount of comments, it remained the same.

01:58:04.000 Oh, it didn't go up as the numbers went up.

01:58:06.000 It wasn't proportional, right?

01:58:07.000 Like, if you see a, like a, if you put something up on, like, okay, let's, for instance, that picture that we put of you when we first started this podcast, all right?

01:58:16.000 We did that.

01:58:18.000 You know, a couple of hours ago, right?

01:58:20.000 And we'll go to it right now, and it has 17,913 likes and 257 comments.

01:58:30.000 That means that's normal.

01:58:31.000 Yeah.

01:58:32.000 That makes sense.

01:58:33.000 Right.

01:58:33.000 It's like a photo of a funny comedian, first episode on a new podcast.

01:58:38.000 Oh, there you go.

01:58:39.000 There it is right there. 1.00

01:58:40.000 Look at you, you sexy bitch. 1.00

01:58:41.000 I put up yours, the picture of you doing the exact same pose. 1.00

01:58:46.000 2048. But that all makes sense.

01:58:49.000 So now, what's going on with you with the other one, with you and the dentist?

01:58:56.000 What was that photo?

01:58:57.000 Oh, I just got my wisdom tooth pulled out the other day.

01:58:59.000 Oh, no you didn't.

01:59:01.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:59:02.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:59:02.000 Is that it in his hand?

01:59:03.000 Yeah.

01:59:04.000 Oh, God, dude.

01:59:05.000 What happened?

01:59:06.000 Was it getting impacted?

01:59:08.000 No, I... It had a filling in it, and I guess I've...

01:59:12.000 Cracked?

01:59:13.000 Well, you know, I have ADHD. So the doctor gives...

01:59:16.000 The last, like, seven or eight years I've been on, like, Ritalin.

01:59:21.000 And it makes me grind my teeth.

01:59:23.000 And I ground my crack into my wisdom tooth.

01:59:28.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

01:59:29.000 So he went in with some pliers...

01:59:31.000 It took like two seconds.

01:59:33.000 I thought he was going to be like, you know, I thought he was going to have his foot on my forehead and sweating and pulling it.

01:59:38.000 He just went in, popped it out, threw some gauze on it.

01:59:41.000 I did three shows that night.

01:59:42.000 No way.

01:59:43.000 No problem.

01:59:44.000 Really?

01:59:45.000 Some people have like a week-long bad reaction to it.

01:59:47.000 I got lucky.

01:59:48.000 Nothing.

01:59:49.000 Just popped right out.

01:59:50.000 No.

01:59:50.000 And so what do they do now?

01:59:51.000 They put like a crown in there or something?

01:59:54.000 No.

01:59:54.000 It's a wisdom tooth.

01:59:55.000 They just leave it out. 0.99

01:59:56.000 Oh, no shit? 1.00

01:59:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:57.000 So it's got like a...

01:59:59.000 But you have to keep rinsing with salt water.

02:00:01.000 Otherwise you get a...

02:00:02.000 Infection.

02:00:03.000 A dry hole or something they call it.

02:00:05.000 It's like a rotting...

02:00:06.000 Dry hole.

02:00:07.000 Because your bone underneath is exposed to...

02:00:10.000 Because you need a blood clot to get in there. 0.99

02:00:12.000 And if the blood clot doesn't form, then your bone is exposed and your breath apparently becomes like a fucking nightmare. 0.97

02:00:19.000 And you get an infection and you'll get a pain all the way through your ear. 0.97

02:00:23.000 And it happens to like 5% of people that get their wisdom tooth taken out.

02:00:27.000 Do you know that people that get mouth infections oftentimes get heart attacks because of them?

02:00:31.000 I've heard that.

02:00:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:00:32.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:00:33.000 You would think you just have bad breath. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Yeah.

02:00:36.000 No, you could die.

02:00:37.000 Dude, what do you do when somebody you know well has bad breath?

02:00:39.000 Tell them.

02:00:40.000 Do you? 1.00

02:00:41.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:00:41.000 Have you done that? 1.00

02:00:41.000 Yes. 1.00

02:00:42.000 No way.

02:00:42.000 Tell me, too.

02:00:43.000 Yeah, tell me.

02:00:45.000 I'll tell you.

02:00:45.000 My breath stinks sometimes.

02:00:47.000 I drink a lot of coffee.

02:00:48.000 That's my downfall.

02:00:49.000 Here's mine as well.

02:00:50.000 You also have to brush your tongue, man.

02:00:52.000 You gotta brush your tongue.

02:00:53.000 You could buy an account that had 240,000 plus followers that's over five years old for 150 bucks.

02:00:59.000 Oh, but that's a whole account.

02:01:02.000 Taking over the account, but when you switch the name, your followers wouldn't know the difference.

02:01:07.000 What?

02:01:07.000 There was an account I was following.

02:01:08.000 It must have been some meme account.

02:01:09.000 I just noticed that it switched to, like, booty pics or some shit like that.

02:01:14.000 I was like, when did I start following, like, at booty?

02:01:17.000 Right, but that's not good for Greg.

02:01:19.000 So it merges.

02:01:19.000 It's going to be the same thing.

02:01:20.000 Instead of having 85,000, like, tomorrow he will have 250,000.

02:01:24.000 Yeah, but they wouldn't be the same followers, right?

02:01:26.000 I think it blends them together.

02:01:29.000 Oh! 0.60

02:01:29.000 So he adds those followers? 0.60

02:01:31.000 It's weird what happens when that goes down.

02:01:33.000 So he would add an additional 250,000 followers or 240,000 followers?

02:01:39.000 I'm into that. 0.99

02:01:40.000 Strange shit going on with that. 1.00

02:01:41.000 Apparently, when you eat a ketogenic diet, which I'm on, it's like a low-carb, high-fat diet, it makes your breath smell like fucking shit. 1.00

02:01:54.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00

02:01:55.000 Yeah, so I'm pretty cognizant of that.

02:01:57.000 I'm pretty aware.

02:01:58.000 Was it a lot of meat?

02:01:59.000 Yeah.

02:02:00.000 Yeah, because the meat doesn't digest as fast.

02:02:02.000 It's just fat burning.

02:02:04.000 It's the idea that your body burns fat as a fuel instead of protein, or excuse me, instead of carbohydrates.

02:02:10.000 Like the standard American diet, we eat a lot of refined carbohydrates, breads, pastas, things along those lines.

02:02:16.000 And what I try to do is lean to a much more fat-based diet, a lot of coconut, a lot of avocado, meat, things along those lines.

02:02:26.000 I don't have very much carbs.

02:02:28.000 My carb intake is pretty low, except when I go off the rails.

02:02:31.000 I go off the rails like maybe once a week or so.

02:02:34.000 I'll have like pasta or something like that.

02:02:37.000 You know, not pizza.

02:02:38.000 I haven't had pizza in a while.

02:02:39.000 That's my super off-the-rails food.

02:02:41.000 That's when you're in New York for a couple days.

02:02:43.000 I'll eat a full pizza.

02:02:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:45.000 And then just feel like a fucking slob. 1.00

02:02:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:48.000 Just so disgusting. 0.83

02:02:49.000 It's amazing what I'm willing to do for mouth pleasure. 0.99

02:02:52.000 Just for that It's like an orgasm. 1.00

02:02:54.000 And then you just feel like shit for hours. 1.00

02:02:58.000 The taste only lasts for like 20 minutes, but so what? 0.99

02:03:03.000 I'm willing to sacrifice hours of health. 0.62

02:03:05.000 Well, what do you sacrifice for an orgasm?

02:03:07.000 When you're single, the amount of booze that you'll buy a girl and conversation you'll listen to.

02:03:13.000 Yeah, but that doesn't have a downside.

02:03:15.000 All for a 10-second orgasm. 1.00

02:03:16.000 The only downside is you fuck someone you don't really like and then you have to talk to them afterwards. 1.00

02:03:21.000 Those brutal days. 1.00

02:03:23.000 You know what the most brutal move was ever when I was young and stupid? 1.00

02:03:27.000 You would go on a vacation with a girl that you didn't really know that well. 1.00

02:03:31.000 Or invite her to come out with you on the road.

02:03:34.000 Like, hey, I'm working in Philadelphia this weekend.

02:03:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:37.000 And Uncle Chuckles fuckerfest fucking... 1.00

02:03:40.000 And you would have them come with you. 1.00

02:03:45.000 And, you know, an hour after you came, you couldn't deal with them.

02:03:49.000 Yeah.

02:03:49.000 You were just like, I can't believe I did this.

02:03:51.000 Like, you thought it was the perfect idea.

02:03:53.000 We'll get together.

02:03:54.000 We'll have some fun.

02:03:55.000 I'll take her to dinner.

02:03:56.000 We'll have...

02:03:57.000 She can come to see my shows.

02:04:00.000 And back then, man, people didn't have cell phones, so you were on top of each other.

02:04:05.000 You didn't have anything to do.

02:04:07.000 No distractions.

02:04:08.000 Yeah, right.

02:04:09.000 You got cable TV and you're gluing in that.

02:04:13.000 If you even had cable, if you're on the road, a lot of times you're staying in, like back then, you're staying in these terrible hotels, right?

02:04:20.000 You didn't have any money. 0.98

02:04:21.000 So you're staying in some bullshit-ass hotel with like three channels that you could watch. 1.00

02:04:25.000 It's like one restaurant, some shitty deli. 1.00

02:04:28.000 And you have nothing in common with the person you just had sex with. 0.99

02:04:32.000 Zero.

02:04:33.000 That's when you just start drinking.

02:04:35.000 That leads to the fight.

02:04:37.000 There's a bus stop involved. 0.99

02:04:39.000 There's a fucking trailway station involved. 1.00

02:04:42.000 It's crazy thinking about finding someone that you are compatible with that you also want to fuck. 1.00

02:04:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:50.000 Because those are two totally different things. 0.99

02:04:52.000 You could find someone that you have amazing conversation with, but you have zero sexual attraction to them.

02:04:59.000 So you have to find a combo.

02:05:01.000 You have to find someone that you're sexually attracted to, but you really enjoy them as a human being talking to.

02:05:06.000 And sometimes those are just not the same things.

02:05:09.000 Especially for guys.

02:05:10.000 I guess it must be that way for girls. 0.99

02:05:12.000 Obviously, I can't speak for them. 1.00

02:05:13.000 But when you're a guy and you meet a girl who's got a little waist and big tits and a big ass, you're willing to put up with a lot of nonsense. 1.00

02:05:22.000 And you don't even notice. 1.00

02:05:22.000 You're not even putting up with it. 1.00

02:05:24.000 Yeah.

02:05:24.000 You're so fascinated by the looks that whatever she's saying is just kind of flowing through.

02:05:30.000 Yeah, you're in a bar together.

02:05:31.000 She's talking nonsense, but then she puts her claws on your back and just rakes them down a little bit and squeezes you a little. 1.00

02:05:37.000 And you're like, yeah, later.

02:05:39.000 The promise of pleasure.

02:05:41.000 Yeah, she put her claws on me, bro. 0.98

02:05:44.000 She gave me the back scratch.

02:05:45.000 You're like, you know it's going to happen eventually.

02:05:47.000 Yeah.

02:05:48.000 You know?

02:05:48.000 Yeah.

02:05:49.000 And she's like, I need my drink.

02:05:50.000 I need my drink.

02:05:51.000 You have to get me my... 0.98

02:05:53.000 What would an annoying chick drink? 1.00

02:05:55.000 Like have sex on the beach. 1.00

02:05:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:05:57.000 Oh my god, I have to have a Long Island iced tea. 0.99

02:05:59.000 I need my Long Island iced tea.

02:06:01.000 I need it.

02:06:02.000 Then she drinks half of it.

02:06:03.000 Or a few sips.

02:06:05.000 Pounds it.

02:06:06.000 That's better.

02:06:07.000 Yeah.

02:06:08.000 Oh yeah, she drinks a few sips and just leaves it there. 0.98

02:06:10.000 Yeah.

02:06:11.000 Yeah.

02:06:12.000 Yeah, I hardly ever eat. 1.00

02:06:15.000 She orders a fucking lobster, eats one claw. 1.00

02:06:18.000 Well, there's some girls who don't like to eat in front of men. 1.00

02:06:20.000 Yeah.

02:06:21.000 First of all, they don't want to be judged by you eating, by them eating in front of you.

02:06:27.000 They don't want you judging, look at how much she's eating, this is disgusting. 1.00

02:06:31.000 She's going to be a big cow when she gets older. 1.00

02:06:33.000 What could I eat? 1.00

02:06:35.000 She's just fucking shoveling in her face. 1.00

02:06:38.000 I can't afford the upkeep of keeping up with this fucking food dispenser. 1.00

02:06:42.000 She's gonna take a giant shit in my apartment! 1.00

02:06:45.000 Oh my god, what if a girl has to shit but tries to hold it in? 1.00

02:06:49.000 She doesn't want you to know. 1.00

02:06:52.000 I had a buddy of mine, and he had a one-bedroom, not even a one-bedroom, it's like a studio.

02:06:59.000 And the bathroom was right beside the bed.

02:07:01.000 It was just like right over there.

02:07:03.000 And he was dating this girl.

02:07:05.000 And she just went in there and just wrecked it. 1.00

02:07:08.000 Just wrecked his bathroom.

02:07:11.000 And she would do it like every time she came over.

02:07:14.000 She would just go in there and wreck his bathroom. 1.00

02:07:20.000 And he was just always complaining about it.

02:07:22.000 He didn't know what to do. 0.96

02:07:23.000 He's like, dude, this is such a boner killer. 0.78

02:07:26.000 Dude, I would show her right to the door. 1.00

02:07:28.000 The first time that happened, as she came out of the bathroom, I'd take her arm gently and say, it's time for you to go.

02:07:34.000 Okay, but what do you do? 0.99

02:07:35.000 What do you do if you have to shit? 0.99

02:07:36.000 Like, what if you go over a girl's house and she lives in a studio apartment? 1.00

02:07:40.000 You go take a walk.

02:07:41.000 You go to a McDonald's or something.

02:07:42.000 Yeah, I'll be right back. 1.00

02:07:43.000 I left something in my car and you go shit in the bushes. 1.00

02:07:46.000 You go shit in the bushes. 1.00

02:07:47.000 San Francisco, you go right on the sidewalk. 1.00

02:07:51.000 And I get a shit. 0.99

02:07:52.000 I mean, even with my wife, like, I close the door. 1.00

02:07:56.000 I hide the shit. 1.00

02:07:58.000 She doesn't care. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Door open.

02:08:00.000 Sits with her legs crossed.

02:08:02.000 You hear him taking a dump.

02:08:03.000 It's just so discouraging.

02:08:04.000 Oh, it's such a bummer. 1.00

02:08:06.000 You hear that echo from the fart before the shit comes up? 0.99

02:08:09.000 Oh. 1.00

02:08:12.000 Plop! 0.65

02:08:13.000 And you're like, no, I gotta go!

02:08:15.000 Erase, erase bad memory!

02:08:18.000 Why?

02:08:19.000 It's so weird. 0.99

02:08:20.000 We know everyone shits. 0.99

02:08:21.000 It's like, why is it so disturbing to us? 0.99

02:08:23.000 We have this idealized image of some movie woman. 1.00

02:08:29.000 It doesn't turn out to be that way. 0.99

02:08:31.000 It turns out to be she's an actual human who shits regular people. 1.00

02:08:34.000 We're so discouraged. 0.99

02:08:36.000 So sad.

02:08:37.000 So upset. 1.00

02:08:38.000 It is weird when I see certain beautiful women, I remind myself that they shit, and I can't process it. 1.00

02:08:45.000 I go, no, she doesn't. 1.00

02:08:47.000 She can't. 1.00

02:08:50.000 It's such a stupid thing. 1.00

02:08:51.000 Kathleen Turner shits. 1.00

02:08:52.000 Oh yeah, giant dumps. 1.00

02:08:54.000 She probably never really wipes good.

02:08:56.000 It's probably a disaster.

02:08:58.000 She just gives up halfway and starts drinking. 0.61

02:09:00.000 She does one wipe no matter what. 1.00

02:09:02.000 That's her policy.

02:09:03.000 She's probably got a flask right there sitting on the bowl.

02:09:10.000 Doesn't even look.

02:09:11.000 One wipe doesn't inspect, just drops it.

02:09:14.000 You know what we got here?

02:09:15.000 One of those Japanese toilets that has a button. 1.00

02:09:17.000 You press a button and it shoots water up your ass. 1.00

02:09:19.000 Yeah? 1.00

02:09:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:20.000 Cleans you up.

02:09:21.000 Wow.

02:09:22.000 Is that the one that's going to have the flotation tank in it?

02:09:25.000 No, no.

02:09:25.000 It's the one over here.

02:09:26.000 Oh.

02:09:27.000 Right there.

02:09:28.000 Got two of those here.

02:09:28.000 Love it.

02:09:29.000 Got two of those things here.

02:09:30.000 What temperature is the water, though?

02:09:32.000 It's warm.

02:09:32.000 It's nice.

02:09:33.000 It's always warm?

02:09:34.000 It's warm.

02:09:37.000 I need to go there before I leave. 1.00

02:09:39.000 I don't even have to shit. 1.00

02:09:41.000 Just force yourself. 1.00

02:09:42.000 Yeah.

02:09:42.000 Well, that's the thing.

02:09:43.000 If you shoot that water up your asshole, you will have to shit. 1.00

02:09:46.000 Oh, you do it before? 1.00

02:09:47.000 No, you can if you want to.

02:09:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:48.000 I mean, if you just want to sit there and press the button, it doesn't know whether or not you shit. 1.00

02:09:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:52.000 It's not like, Greg, why do you want me to shoot water on your ass? 1.00

02:09:55.000 You haven't even taken a shit, Greg. 1.00

02:09:58.000 This is illogical. 0.99

02:09:59.000 Open the door, Hal. 0.99

02:10:01.000 You ever have a day that's so fucking dull? 0.97

02:10:03.000 I had one yesterday. 0.99

02:10:05.000 Where you feel a shit coming and you get excited. 0.99

02:10:09.000 Something to do. 0.99

02:10:10.000 Something to do. 1.00

02:10:11.000 And then you shit. 1.00

02:10:12.000 And it feels good. 1.00

02:10:13.000 I'm not going to lie to you. 0.91

02:10:13.000 That might sound gay or whatever. 0.91

02:10:15.000 But a big, hard shit coming out of my ass. 1.00

02:10:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:19.000 It feels enjoyable.

02:10:20.000 It's good to relief.

02:10:21.000 Like some chemicals are released in your body.

02:10:23.000 Oh, for sure.

02:10:24.000 Anybody denies that, I don't want to talk to them.

02:10:26.000 Yeah.

02:10:26.000 I don't have time.

02:10:27.000 I don't have time to talk to you about that.

02:10:29.000 Yeah.

02:10:29.000 But if a woman tells you that, would you get upset?

02:10:31.000 If a woman's like, oh, I love taking a good fat shit. 1.00

02:10:34.000 This is something about taking a shit. 1.00

02:10:36.000 Feels so good. 1.00

02:10:39.000 You're bummed out, right? 0.99

02:10:40.000 Well, it would mean that she's up for ass play. 1.00

02:10:43.000 Would it be? 1.00

02:10:44.000 Yeah, it means that she's got a sensitive anus. 0.99

02:10:46.000 Are you? 0.99

02:10:47.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:10:48.000 You ready to take one in the dick? 1.00

02:10:49.000 The asshole? 1.00

02:10:50.000 Not a dick, but like a pencil or something. 1.00

02:10:53.000 Pencil. 0.99

02:10:56.000 What about a fingernail with a coke nail on it? 0.90

02:10:59.000 Dude, I had a girl do that. 1.00

02:11:00.000 She was blowing me way back when in Boston. 1.00

02:11:03.000 This chick, she was a Guido from Revere. 1.00

02:11:06.000 And I think I met her with you, as a matter of fact.

02:11:09.000 We were doing like a cable access show in Revere.

02:11:13.000 Yes.

02:11:14.000 And it was like two hot chicks working there. 1.00

02:11:16.000 Didn't Todd Parker do that with us, too?

02:11:18.000 Probably.

02:11:19.000 He did all those.

02:11:20.000 Larry Rapucci?

02:11:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:11:21.000 That sounds like the lineup.

02:11:23.000 But we met these two girls, and the girl I met, she just had on a college sweatshirt when I met her. 1.00

02:11:29.000 Hair was up in a potato chip clip, and you know, the leggings and the high top white Reeboks.

02:11:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:34.000 That look.

02:11:35.000 Oh, yeah, the Velcro Reeboks.

02:11:36.000 The Velcro Reeboks.

02:11:38.000 Aerobic shoes.

02:11:39.000 Remember?

02:11:39.000 So I ask her out, and then she goes, okay.

02:11:45.000 And we drive.

02:11:46.000 She picks me up.

02:11:47.000 My car was broken.

02:11:49.000 So I go, well, you pick me up, and we're going to go do a gig in Rhode Island.

02:11:53.000 She's like, all right.

02:11:55.000 Wow.

02:11:55.000 So I go down to Kenmore Square.

02:11:57.000 She's going to pick me up at Kenmore Square. 1.00

02:11:58.000 A fucking white Corvette pulls up. 1.00

02:12:01.000 This is not what I expected. 1.00

02:12:03.000 Hair is now done. 0.97

02:12:04.000 It's fucking up. 0.90

02:12:05.000 It's touching the top of the car. 0.98

02:12:08.000 Nails are done. 0.99

02:12:10.000 She's got on a hot little dress and I'm like, sweetie, we're going to a fucking roadhouse in Narragansett, Rhode Island. 0.96

02:12:17.000 And I get in her car and we drive down and we get to the club early and we start fooling around. 1.00

02:12:24.000 And she sucks my dick before the show. 1.00

02:12:28.000 This is like, we haven't even had dinner yet. 1.00

02:12:31.000 Sucks my dick, takes her finger and Sticks it up my ass during the blowjob, but the fingernail is like a claw, and it scraped the inside of my ass, and I had blood on the toilet paper when I went to the bathroom later that night. 1.00

02:12:50.000 I was like, what were you thinking? 1.00

02:12:52.000 She's an animal.

02:12:53.000 She started putting it in. 0.79

02:12:54.000 I opened up.

02:12:56.000 I wasn't thinking about the nail.

02:12:58.000 Did she lick her finger first, or did she just go dry? 0.94

02:13:03.000 She did that porn drool thing on the tip of her finger. 1.00

02:13:06.000 Yeah, she had the spit come off in a big line, like a cobweb line. 0.99

02:13:13.000 And then we went into the club, and it was like a roadhouse.

02:13:20.000 Just like in the middle of nowhere, there was this just boxy kind of a room.

02:13:24.000 Was that a Brian Deary gig?

02:13:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:13:26.000 Yes!

02:13:27.000 Yes!

02:13:27.000 And we go in, and I was doing this joke.

02:13:31.000 You probably remember it.

02:13:32.000 It was one of my standard jokes back then.

02:13:36.000 Actually, I don't even remember, but it was about the sign, no radio in car.

02:13:41.000 Oh, right.

02:13:42.000 People used to have those signs because they didn't want someone breaking into their car and stealing the radio.

02:13:45.000 Yeah.

02:13:46.000 So I had a joke about how I had that, and that somebody...

02:13:51.000 Then broke into my car and they took the sign.

02:13:53.000 They took the radio and the sign.

02:13:55.000 Whatever it was.

02:13:56.000 And somebody yelled out, it was probably a...

02:13:59.000 And he said, N-word.

02:14:01.000 And I went, what?

02:14:03.000 And I said, what?

02:14:04.000 I repeated it to make them say as if to shame them.

02:14:08.000 And then somebody else on the other side of the crowd goes, he said it was probably an N-word.

02:14:13.000 I was like, alright, let's wrap this one up.

02:14:16.000 And I see her laughing.

02:14:19.000 The n-word.

02:14:20.000 Yeah.

02:14:21.000 She thinks it's hilarious.

02:14:22.000 She thinks it's great.

02:14:23.000 HILARIOUS! She's sucking that finger that she had in your asshole. 1.00

02:14:29.000 So she drove me back. 1.00

02:14:32.000 She drove back to Boston.

02:14:33.000 And at that time, I was a banquet waiter in the morning. 0.99

02:14:37.000 So I used to have to wake up at like 4.30 in the morning and go down to the Marriott and Copley Place and set up coffee stations for these fucking conventions. 0.97

02:14:46.000 I remember this story. 0.98

02:15:01.000 Wow.

02:15:07.000 Because you fell asleep?

02:15:09.000 Yeah.

02:15:10.000 Whoa, that's it?

02:15:11.000 She's angry that you called?

02:15:12.000 She was angry that I fell asleep.

02:15:13.000 That was it?

02:15:14.000 She picked me up, drove me, blew me, and then I just passed out.

02:15:18.000 Wow.

02:15:19.000 I passed out because she blew me.

02:15:21.000 That's what I do.

02:15:25.000 But how funny is that?

02:15:27.000 Don't ever call me again.

02:15:28.000 You slept.

02:15:29.000 Yeah.

02:15:32.000 Like that.

02:15:33.000 That's what did it.

02:15:34.000 She washed her Corvette.

02:15:36.000 She put her hair up.

02:15:37.000 Not the N-word. 1.00

02:15:37.000 Not the finger in the ass. 1.00

02:15:39.000 All those are acceptable. 0.99

02:15:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:41.000 Sucking your dick moments after meeting you. 1.00

02:15:44.000 All that's normal. 1.00

02:15:46.000 You know the horrible food I'm sure they served at that gig?

02:15:49.000 She probably had some mozzarella sticks that were hard as a rock. 1.00

02:15:52.000 Wow.

02:15:52.000 How funny is that?

02:15:53.000 That was all fine.

02:15:54.000 You falling asleep pissed her off.

02:15:55.000 Yeah.

02:15:56.000 But people don't like that when they're driving and you don't talk to them.

02:15:59.000 Yeah.

02:15:59.000 And you just pass out.

02:16:00.000 Yeah.

02:16:01.000 Wow.

02:16:02.000 Good question.

02:16:02.000 Jamie, we're losing power.

02:16:04.000 Uh-oh.

02:16:04.000 It's getting dark.

02:16:05.000 Now it's back.

02:16:06.000 That's so strange. 1.00

02:16:08.000 What a stupid thing to have set up. 1.00

02:16:10.000 It happened like four times yesterday. 1.00

02:16:10.000 Did they set that up on purpose? 1.00

02:16:13.000 Yeah, we need to switch that out.

02:16:15.000 I gotta say, for the first show, it's gone very smoothly.

02:16:17.000 Oh yeah, I mean, we have a few hiccups that we need to deal with.

02:16:20.000 I thought the echo was going to be an issue, but it seems like it's just those microphones that was the echo, right?

02:16:24.000 It is, right?

02:16:25.000 Because it doesn't sound any different than me.

02:16:28.000 I like the purple behind you.

02:16:29.000 It's fetching.

02:16:30.000 Really?

02:16:30.000 It's very good for your skin tone.

02:16:31.000 It's lovely.

02:16:32.000 Let me say, put me up on the...

02:16:33.000 Oh, yeah.

02:16:33.000 I like that.

02:16:34.000 It's a nice change, you know?

02:16:35.000 And the only reason, and honestly, we went with purple is because the guy who was doing it said, I couldn't find red the first time, so I'm going to look at this new place.

02:16:44.000 I said, well, what do you got?

02:16:45.000 And he said, well, there's a lot of other colors.

02:16:47.000 I go, you got purple?

02:16:49.000 And he goes, oh, we can get purple.

02:16:50.000 I'm like, let's go with purple. 1.00

02:16:51.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:16:52.000 Purple is the ancient color of royalty. 1.00

02:16:57.000 Is it?

02:16:57.000 Yeah, Jesus.

02:16:58.000 There was a lot of...

02:16:59.000 It was always a symbol of Jesus, purple, because it meant the royals.

02:17:04.000 I didn't know that.

02:17:05.000 Yeah.

02:17:06.000 Hmm.

02:17:07.000 It's a beautiful color.

02:17:08.000 It is.

02:17:08.000 It's flowers, right?

02:17:09.000 It's like tulips and shit. 1.00

02:17:10.000 There we go. 1.00

02:17:11.000 Royalty in Europe.

02:17:12.000 Since the time that the Roman emperors wore a Tyrian?

02:17:16.000 Tyrian purple.

02:17:19.000 Hmm.

02:17:21.000 Toga.

02:17:23.000 P-R-A-E-T-E-X-T-A. How do you say that? 1.00

02:17:29.000 Praetexta?

02:17:30.000 Praetexta?

02:17:31.000 Purple.

02:17:32.000 It's been the color most associated with royalty.

02:17:34.000 The British royal family and other European royalties still use it as a ceremonial color on special occasions.

02:17:41.000 What is that plant? 0.99

02:17:42.000 Is that some purple cabbage or some shit? 0.99

02:17:44.000 I'm pretty sure it's cauliflower. 0.99

02:17:45.000 Cauliflower?

02:17:47.000 Pretty, pretty, pretty color.

02:17:49.000 Purple, I was associated with Prince.

02:17:52.000 That's right.

02:17:53.000 There you go.

02:17:54.000 That was one of the biggest bummers for me of celebrity deaths.

02:17:59.000 Prince was one of the all-time biggest.

02:18:01.000 That's amazing.

02:18:02.000 I was talking to, because when Tom Petty died, that one really...

02:18:05.000 That was a hard one, too. 0.98

02:18:06.000 That was a hard one because he was such the fucking soundtrack of our teen years. 0.99

02:18:12.000 And older years. 0.99

02:18:14.000 I mean, Free Fallin' when I was in my 30s.

02:18:17.000 His songs continue.

02:18:18.000 But somehow Prince, who didn't have...

02:18:21.000 You couldn't name more than three Prince songs.

02:18:23.000 Oh, I could.

02:18:24.000 I could.

02:18:25.000 Most people can't.

02:18:26.000 Yeah, I was a...

02:18:27.000 Dude, Prince...

02:18:27.000 Really?

02:18:28.000 Yeah, Prince played a big part in my late teen life.

02:18:32.000 Wow.

02:18:33.000 Yeah, I was a huge Prince fan.

02:18:35.000 Purple Rain time?

02:18:35.000 Controversy, even before that.

02:18:37.000 Yeah.

02:18:37.000 I was a fan of Prince from his first cassette when it was just him with no shirt on on the cover looking very androgynous, like there was no one like him before.

02:18:48.000 I remember seeing that cover somewhere I'm going, what the fuck is this? 0.97

02:18:54.000 Like, what is this guy? 0.98

02:18:55.000 And then I heard some of the songs.

02:18:57.000 I don't even remember what the big hits were off of the first one.

02:19:00.000 This is pre-Purple Rain, though.

02:19:01.000 But I remember Controversy.

02:19:09.000 Controversy.

02:19:09.000 Remember that song?

02:19:10.000 No.

02:19:12.000 Do I believe in God?

02:19:13.000 Do I believe in me?

02:19:16.000 Some people want to die so they can be free.

02:19:25.000 Controversy.

02:19:25.000 That's it.

02:19:26.000 That's the cover.

02:19:27.000 Oh, yeah.

02:19:27.000 Look at that.

02:19:28.000 Look at him.

02:19:29.000 Just a little tiny patch of hair in the middle of his chest.

02:19:31.000 No, but my point being, for not knowing a big catalog of his music, it did mean a lot to me.

02:19:38.000 What was that released in the 70s?

02:19:40.000 Really?

02:19:41.000 What does it say?

02:19:42.000 79?

02:19:44.000 Wow.

02:19:45.000 Released in 1979, October 19th.

02:19:48.000 Wow, real close to today.

02:19:50.000 Real close to today, in 79. Almost 40 years ago.

02:19:54.000 Wow.

02:19:55.000 That's crazy.

02:19:58.000 That's crazy.

02:20:01.000 More of an impact on you than Bowie?

02:20:03.000 Yeah, for me.

02:20:04.000 Yeah.

02:20:05.000 I mean, I was a big Bowie fan, too.

02:20:07.000 But the thing about Prince that was harder than Bowie for me was that Bowie died of a disease.

02:20:14.000 Right?

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:16.000 Didn't he?

02:20:16.000 Yeah, he had...

02:20:18.000 Was it cancer?

02:20:19.000 I think he had some type of cancer.

02:20:21.000 Prince died from painkillers.

02:20:23.000 Yeah.

02:20:23.000 That's what drove me nuts.

02:20:25.000 It's like that goddamn fentanyl. 1.00

02:20:26.000 They found fentanyl in his body. 1.00

02:20:30.000 And I remember thinking at the time, like, God damn it. 1.00

02:20:33.000 I can't believe these fucking pills got prints. 0.99

02:20:38.000 That was the Michael Jackson drug, too, right? 1.00

02:20:40.000 No, no, no, no.

02:20:42.000 Michael Jackson died.

02:20:43.000 Yeah, he died from anesthesia. 1.00

02:20:46.000 He was so fucked up that before he died, he couldn't sleep, so he would get anesthetized. 0.99

02:20:53.000 Just stop and think about how many demons you have to have where Ambien doesn't work anymore. 1.00

02:20:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:01.000 The amazing thing is he would get up out of that, and they said he was the first guy on the set, choreographing his own shit, rehearsing harder than anybody. 0.91

02:21:10.000 Well, I wonder when he started doing that. 0.97

02:21:12.000 No, his last tour he was like that. 0.99

02:21:14.000 He was preparing for his final tour, and he was working his fucking balls off. 0.99

02:21:19.000 Wow. 1.00

02:21:20.000 Yeah.

02:21:20.000 You can't do that very long, apparently.

02:21:23.000 Apparently that's part of the problem was that stuff, it limits your REM sleep.

02:21:28.000 Yeah.

02:21:29.000 Which is, by the way...

02:21:31.000 One of the biggest things that's been happening to me since not smoking pot for all these days all these many many moons 16 days that we said 17 days The dreams are way different like way different like intense dreams like I have weird dreams man like they're very vivid and And I never thought about that before.

02:21:56.000 Are they the same dreams over and over again?

02:21:59.000 No, not at all.

02:22:00.000 But they're very vivid, like way more vivid than when I was smoking pot all the time.

02:22:05.000 Wow.

02:22:05.000 Like way more.

02:22:06.000 Because you think you're in a deeper REM cycle?

02:22:11.000 I've heard things, but I don't know what it is.

02:22:13.000 Jamie, pull up that.

02:22:14.000 See if you can find out what it is.

02:22:16.000 What's the cause?

02:22:17.000 Before, I thought it had to do with the alpha waves state that marijuana puts you into it.

02:22:22.000 I don't know if that's true.

02:22:23.000 Does that make sense?

02:22:25.000 A little bit.

02:22:26.000 Because your body is not at rest, or your brain isn't at rest while it's doing the alpha.

02:22:29.000 You need beta waves, I think, for rest. 1.00

02:22:31.000 I don't know what it is, but whatever the fuck it is, when you don't smoke pot, when you smoke pot all the time for years, and then you don't smoke pot, you have some fucking dreams, baby. 1.00

02:22:40.000 Woo! 1.00

02:22:41.000 Like, they're intense. 0.99

02:22:43.000 Sometimes I wake up to pee and I go, what the fuck is going on in my head? 0.97

02:22:47.000 Like weird, crazy dreams. 0.98

02:22:50.000 Like being in a plane where it comes really close to hitting a mountain and the next thing you know, you're hanging on the ledge of a building and the next thing you know, you're running through the woods and next thing you know, it's fucking freezing cold and you're trying to stay warm and you've got a fire going. 0.96

02:23:05.000 What kind of fucking wacky primal dreams am I going through here? 0.89

02:23:09.000 That's awesome. 0.97

02:23:11.000 It's very weird because I'm waking up and it's not like I wake up and I'm scared.

02:23:17.000 I wake up going, what the fuck am I doing?

02:23:21.000 Studies on cannabis and sleep were conducted in 1970s. 0.98

02:23:25.000 Some information about the possible effects of cannabis and sleep.

02:23:29.000 Low dose of THC, 4 to 20 milligrams, mildly decreased REM sleep in both regular users and non-users.

02:23:36.000 Interestingly, deep sleep was increased when cannabis was initially used, but this effect disappeared after repeated use.

02:23:45.000 With high doses of THC, 50 to 210 milligrams.

02:23:48.000 Now stop and think about Lee Sy had eaten 500. Yeah, right.

02:23:52.000 And that's edible, which is way different.

02:23:55.000 REM sleep was decreased in both regular users and non-users.

02:23:58.000 Total sleep time was not affected, but deep sleep was decreased.

02:24:02.000 When THC was stopped, some rebound in REM sleep was found with reduced sleep time and increased time to fall asleep.

02:24:11.000 Now this is interesting because...

02:24:13.000 What I want to know, look at this.

02:24:15.000 Some people do have withdrawal symptoms when stopping prolonged and heavy use of cannabis, and this can adversely affect sleep.

02:24:21.000 I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms.

02:24:24.000 Zero, none, not one.

02:24:26.000 But what's interesting to me is I wonder if there's any benefit to having those dreams, rather, versus not having those dreams.

02:24:36.000 Like, I wonder if in some way I'm doing myself a disservice by smoking pot all the time.

02:24:42.000 I wonder if there's, like...

02:24:44.000 Is there a point of diminishing returns?

02:24:47.000 Because there's a lot of benefits for cannabis, right?

02:24:49.000 There's a lot of benefits in terms of the anti-inflammatory effects.

02:24:52.000 There's neuroprotective effects of cannabis that they found that regular users, they think it might actually hold off Alzheimer's in some people.

02:25:01.000 But I wonder, what's the balance?

02:25:05.000 Because I've never really considered That it was an issue at all.

02:25:09.000 I always felt like there was zero negative health effects of using it.

02:25:14.000 For me, personally.

02:25:15.000 I'm like, I get my blood work done regularly.

02:25:18.000 I'm healthy.

02:25:19.000 I eat really well.

02:25:21.000 I take a lot of vitamins.

02:25:22.000 I exercise regularly.

02:25:23.000 And I like pot, so I smoke pot.

02:25:25.000 And obviously, it's not hurting me.

02:25:26.000 It's not like people drink all the time and fuck up their liver and their body and...

02:25:30.000 But now I'm wondering.

02:25:31.000 Doesn't affect your memory.

02:25:33.000 You have a great memory.

02:25:34.000 It's pretty good.

02:25:35.000 Maybe it'd be better.

02:25:36.000 Hmm.

02:25:36.000 Maybe.

02:25:37.000 You know?

02:25:38.000 Essentially...

02:25:39.000 What do you got here, Jamie?

02:25:40.000 It's a longer article about alcohol and marijuana effects on sleep, but this is the marijuana part.

02:25:45.000 Oh, okay.

02:25:45.000 What does it say?

02:25:46.000 Furthermore, it can increase slow-wave NREM deep sleep, which is good because that's where experts believe most of your actual recuperation takes place.

02:25:55.000 However, as you continue to consume, your slow-wave sleep will get severely reduced.

02:26:02.000 Reducing the restfulness of your sleep is supposed to provide.

02:26:05.000 Reducing, rather, the restfulness your sleep is supposed to provide.

02:26:09.000 Hmm.

02:26:10.000 So, but here's the thing, like, what if I get high during the day?

02:26:14.000 Like, why is that affecting my sleep at night?

02:26:16.000 That's what's confusing.

02:26:17.000 Because it's not like I get high a lot at night.

02:26:20.000 Sometimes me and the missus will smoke a little before I give her some of that.

02:26:24.000 Nice.

02:26:24.000 Yeah, sure.

02:26:25.000 Feels better that way. 0.95

02:26:26.000 You punch her? 0.99

02:26:27.000 You smoke pot? 0.75

02:26:27.000 No. 0.75

02:26:28.000 That's the hard fuck. 1.00

02:26:29.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

02:26:30.000 That's a hard fuck. 1.00

02:26:32.000 That's why I'm scared of Chrissy Blinkley's too old. 1.00

02:26:34.000 She can't take it anymore.

02:26:38.000 I told you to duck, Christy. 1.00

02:26:39.000 I don't want her to bleed like your butthole did that day. 1.00

02:26:43.000 A couple days. 1.00

02:26:46.000 You know, if you have sex with someone, they start breaking.

02:26:49.000 That's not good.

02:26:50.000 But I'm wondering.

02:26:52.000 I'm wondering, like, I need to know.

02:26:54.000 I want to find out, like, what's the...

02:26:56.000 I'm going to start looking into this now.

02:26:59.000 Now, is that different than that stuff that...

02:27:03.000 CBDs?

02:27:05.000 Yeah, very different.

02:27:06.000 Yeah, very different.

02:27:07.000 Is it possible?

02:27:08.000 CBDs don't have psychoactive effects.

02:27:09.000 I disagree!

02:27:11.000 No, you're...

02:27:11.000 I know what you're talking about.

02:27:12.000 You're talking about that Charlotte's Web.

02:27:14.000 Yes.

02:27:15.000 See, there is a difference. 1.00

02:27:15.000 That shit gets me high! 1.00

02:27:17.000 Yeah, see, it doesn't get me high, but... 1.00

02:27:21.000 I'm not sure if we have the same, obviously we don't have the same body, you know, like what affects you, you know, food-wise.

02:27:29.000 Yeah.

02:27:30.000 Everybody's different when it comes to that stuff.

02:27:31.000 But Charlotte's Web has a bunch of other cannabinoids. 0.99

02:27:36.000 It's not just CBD. And that's one of the more beneficial aspects of it, is that stuff, it uses the full plant.

02:27:43.000 So maybe CBD wouldn't get you high, but maybe that kind of hemp oil, more comprehensive, cannabis oil would get you high.

02:27:52.000 That's interesting to get you high.

02:27:54.000 Like, how high?

02:27:55.000 Nice high.

02:27:56.000 Just like...

02:27:57.000 Mellow.

02:27:57.000 More like takes the anxiety out and makes me just really...

02:28:01.000 It's really nice at the end of the day, around 5 o'clock when you're re-entering the family.

02:28:06.000 Maybe you have...

02:28:08.000 Maybe some of that anxiety is coming from inflammation.

02:28:11.000 Yeah.

02:28:12.000 And maybe what it's doing is reducing inflammation and relaxing you.

02:28:16.000 That's what I would guess.

02:28:18.000 Because it doesn't make people test positive for THC. So if you had a company and you were working for them, I don't want to get anybody fired, but I'm pretty sure they've tested this stuff.

02:28:29.000 And if you had a company and you're working for them and they piss test you, and if you're taking Charlotte's Web Oil, I don't think it does anything to you.

02:28:37.000 I don't think it shows up. 0.99

02:28:38.000 How fucked up is that, man? 1.00

02:28:40.000 Having a job that tests your piss. 1.00

02:28:42.000 Hey, Greg, what, are you having fun over the weekend? 0.80

02:28:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:45.000 You fucking loser. 1.00

02:28:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:47.000 Those are the same jobs that tell you you can't date anybody from work. 1.00

02:28:50.000 It's like, all right, so you got me working 12 hours a day.

02:28:53.000 I don't see anybody else in my life, and I can't date the women that I'm, you know, getting to know. 0.71

02:28:58.000 Yeah, but that creates complications, man.

02:29:00.000 I know, but they shouldn't make it illegal.

02:29:02.000 That's true.

02:29:03.000 They can suggest it.

02:29:05.000 How weird is that?

02:29:06.000 You can't tell people what to do.

02:29:07.000 They do! 1.00

02:29:08.000 They fucking tell a manager he can't sleep with an employee. 1.00

02:29:11.000 Well, that's because they're worried about some Harvey Weinstein type shit. 1.00

02:29:13.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:29:13.000 Right. 1.00

02:29:14.000 That makes sense.

02:29:15.000 Because that's always the thing. 1.00

02:29:16.000 The boss fucking the secretary, right? 1.00

02:29:18.000 You know? 1.00

02:29:19.000 I know a guy, a real recent guy, who works for this big-ass corporation that got busted.

02:29:24.000 Yeah?

02:29:25.000 Sending it home to the secretary, baby. 1.00

02:29:28.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:29:28.000 In that office, day in, day out, looking at each other, giving each other a nod. 1.00

02:29:34.000 What are you doing?

02:29:36.000 And then one day...

02:29:37.000 In the workplace or they went to a hotel?

02:29:40.000 I don't know.

02:29:41.000 I don't know the specifics, but he's in trouble.

02:29:44.000 You know him personally?

02:29:45.000 I know.

02:29:46.000 Eh, I can't talk.

02:29:47.000 Yeah.

02:29:47.000 I'll tell you later.

02:29:48.000 Right.

02:29:48.000 When you tell me the story about the guy who gave babies to Michael...

02:29:51.000 Oh.

02:29:51.000 I know who you're talking about.

02:29:54.000 Oh.

02:29:55.000 That's right.

02:29:57.000 Even worse, your story involves kids dying that got sent to Michael Jackson, isn't it?

02:30:02.000 Isn't that what it is?

02:30:03.000 It's entirely possible.

02:30:04.000 Yes.

02:30:05.000 Now I know what you're referring to.

02:30:06.000 Yeah.

02:30:07.000 Oh.

02:30:07.000 I got other things to tell you about that guy.

02:30:10.000 That guy.

02:30:13.000 We can't tell you, folks, because we don't want to get sued.

02:30:20.000 Yeah.

02:30:20.000 You just can't talk about certain things.

02:30:22.000 But who knows what was actually going on?

02:30:24.000 You know, I've always had the weirdest theory about Michael Jackson.

02:30:27.000 What?

02:30:28.000 That he was castrated. 0.99

02:30:29.000 He's a castrata. 0.99

02:30:30.000 Oh, I would buy that.

02:30:32.000 The voice.

02:30:33.000 The voice, the body.

02:30:35.000 Extremely thin.

02:30:36.000 He didn't look like he had any muscle at all.

02:30:39.000 Which is like what someone who's been castrated would look like.

02:30:42.000 No testosterone at all.

02:30:43.000 Couldn't sleep.

02:30:44.000 Super high-pitched voice.

02:30:45.000 Kept that high-pitched voice deep into his 50s.

02:30:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:30:49.000 I mean, I don't think the sleep thing, I think just riddled with anxiety and craziness and all the fucking plastic surgery. 0.98

02:30:55.000 I mean, he was literally an exercise in madness. 0.97

02:31:00.000 Yeah.

02:31:00.000 That was a person who went mad from people paying attention to him.

02:31:04.000 Yeah.

02:31:04.000 With unlimited resources.

02:31:07.000 Is that him looking jacked?

02:31:10.000 That doesn't look as jacked as a girl who goes to CrossFit. 1.00

02:31:13.000 You know what's amazing, though, about him is for a scrawny, effeminate guy, he acted like a badass in his videos.

02:31:22.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

02:31:24.000 He actually played the part of a guy who was like, you know, gonna kick somebody's ass. 1.00

02:31:30.000 Smooth criminal. 0.99

02:31:32.000 Didn't you have a sports jacket on in the Thriller video, like a Letterman's jacket, right?

02:31:36.000 Yes.

02:31:37.000 I watched Thriller the other day.

02:31:38.000 My kids love it, man.

02:31:39.000 They love the scene where he turns into a werewolf.

02:31:42.000 My youngest daughter goes, he's like a little cat person.

02:31:44.000 It's not even a wolf. 0.99

02:31:46.000 They're making it a cartoon or some shit. 0.98

02:31:47.000 Thriller? 0.99

02:31:48.000 Yeah, in some way or another.

02:31:49.000 Huh.

02:31:50.000 The werewolf was so corny looking now.

02:31:53.000 It was so weird.

02:31:55.000 It was not really a werewolf.

02:31:57.000 It was like a werewolf cat sort of thing.

02:32:00.000 You remember?

02:32:00.000 Remember what it looked like?

02:32:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:32:02.000 The whiskers grew out of his face.

02:32:04.000 I remember being super excited about it because it was Rick Baker that did it.

02:32:09.000 He's the same guy who did The American Werewolf in London.

02:32:12.000 He did a lot of Star Wars.

02:32:14.000 He's a makeup guy.

02:32:14.000 Special effects guy.

02:32:15.000 He created those masks and all the crazy shit. 0.97

02:32:18.000 All special effects that you saw in a lot of the really badass horror movies back then. 0.98

02:32:22.000 Like, there.

02:32:23.000 That's it.

02:32:24.000 Like, what is that?

02:32:25.000 That's not a wolf.

02:32:27.000 What are those whiskers?

02:32:28.000 Like, that's some weird...

02:32:28.000 Kind of like a monkey mouth.

02:32:30.000 Yeah.

02:32:31.000 You're right?

02:32:31.000 It's almost like a baboon mouth, right?

02:32:33.000 What is that? 0.81

02:32:35.000 Hey, he's like a baboon man. 1.00

02:32:36.000 That's snake eyes.

02:32:37.000 Yeah.

02:32:38.000 It's like a lot of things.

02:32:39.000 But that one looks like a werewolf.

02:32:41.000 Go full screen on that one.

02:32:42.000 You got...

02:32:43.000 Oh, see?

02:32:43.000 Ooh, that's badass.

02:32:45.000 It was pretty cool.

02:32:47.000 It was interesting.

02:32:48.000 Yeah.

02:32:48.000 But it was not a werewolf like you would think of a werewolf, like an American werewolf in London werewolf.

02:32:55.000 Who also had on the high school jacket.

02:32:58.000 Right?

02:32:59.000 Did he?

02:33:00.000 Yeah, pull up the American werewolf in London.

02:33:04.000 I don't remember that.

02:33:05.000 Oh, maybe not.

02:33:07.000 American Werewolf in London, maybe he did when they were walking through the bogs, because he was supposed to be a college guy.

02:33:13.000 Right.

02:33:13.000 So maybe he had a college letterman's jacket on.

02:33:16.000 Oh, no, it was just a...

02:33:17.000 Yeah, it was just a down coat. 1.00

02:33:22.000 Fuck, that's a good movie. 1.00

02:33:24.000 That was... 1.00

02:33:24.000 I gotta show my kids that movie. 1.00

02:33:26.000 Don't show them.

02:33:27.000 Oh, well, they're old enough.

02:33:28.000 It's an intense movie.

02:33:29.000 Oh, look at that.

02:33:30.000 Jesus Christ, go full screen on that.

02:33:32.000 I don't remember that scene.

02:33:33.000 That's it.

02:33:34.000 Oh.

02:33:35.000 Oh, obviously.

02:33:37.000 Whoa.

02:33:39.000 How old should my daughter be before she watches Bruno?

02:33:43.000 What's Bruno? 0.99

02:33:44.000 Oh, that's the gay... 1.00

02:33:45.000 Eh, now. 1.00

02:33:46.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:33:47.000 It's okay, right? 1.00

02:33:47.000 Yeah, she likes the beach boys. 1.00

02:33:48.000 Show us some gay shit. 1.00

02:33:54.000 She'll ask me if she can watch a movie at dinner and I'm always like, I don't know what's appropriate anymore for anybody. 1.00

02:34:00.000 My wife got mad because I showed the nine-year-old the original Alien movie.

02:34:04.000 Oh, did it scare?

02:34:05.000 No.

02:34:06.000 She's a little badass. 1.00

02:34:08.000 She hung in there.

02:34:08.000 She loved it.

02:34:09.000 Yeah?

02:34:10.000 It's a slow movie.

02:34:11.000 A lot of times kids like that, their intention span is too short for a slow movie like that.

02:34:15.000 You really think that movie's slow?

02:34:16.000 Oh, yeah.

02:34:17.000 I heard Blade Runner, the new Blade Runner, is very slow.

02:34:20.000 I know the old one was.

02:34:21.000 But very awesome.

02:34:22.000 Really?

02:34:22.000 Yeah, I heard it's like super underrated.

02:34:24.000 All these people are like, it's not doing well.

02:34:27.000 Yeah.

02:34:27.000 I haven't seen it, but I need to see it.

02:34:30.000 But a lot of people are saying that it's like really slow.

02:34:32.000 Yeah.

02:34:33.000 No movies are doing well this year.

02:34:35.000 What do you think that is?

02:34:37.000 Maybe people are watching Netflix more?

02:34:39.000 I think that's exactly what it is.

02:34:41.000 Because the movie experience is an hour and a half, two hours, right?

02:34:45.000 Plus getting there, parking.

02:34:47.000 A lot of money.

02:34:48.000 Yeah.

02:34:48.000 Netflix is like, what, nine bucks a month?

02:34:51.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

02:34:51.000 And you could just binge watch House of Cards and see your fucking head falls off? 1.00

02:34:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:56.000 I'm watching the OA right now.

02:34:58.000 What's that?

02:34:58.000 Do you know what that is?

02:34:59.000 It's a weird supernatural thriller on Netflix.

02:35:03.000 Really? 0.99

02:35:03.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

02:35:05.000 It's great. 0.99

02:35:05.000 Although some assholes on Twitter thought it was a good idea to give me some spoilers! 0.99

02:35:11.000 Oh, that's fucked up. 1.00

02:35:12.000 You twats! 1.00

02:35:14.000 I shouldn't have said it. 1.00

02:35:15.000 I was just trying to tell people that I found a good show, and then I fucked up, because again, late at night, barely paid attention, read some of the comments, I'm like, God damn it. 0.99

02:35:26.000 It's got a wolf shirt on. 0.99

02:35:30.000 What does it say?

02:35:30.000 We don't need a season two of the OA. Oh, fuck off.

02:35:35.000 People just think it's such a great idea to be negative. 1.00

02:35:38.000 I know.

02:35:39.000 It's so much fun to be negative.

02:35:41.000 Although I badmouth Aerosmith on this episode.

02:35:44.000 You did a little bit. 0.98

02:35:45.000 I'm a hypocrite. 0.98

02:35:46.000 I don't feel good about that. 0.97

02:35:47.000 Well, you did what you gotta do.

02:35:49.000 Oh my.

02:35:50.000 You know what the best show I've seen in a long time is The Americans.

02:35:54.000 It's on Amazon Prime.

02:35:58.000 It's about this couple that comes from Russia, and they've been taught to be Americans from the time they were like, you know, 12 years old.

02:36:06.000 You know that's based on a true story.

02:36:08.000 Yeah.

02:36:08.000 Yeah, Montclair, New Jersey.

02:36:10.000 Dude, the acting is Kerry Russell. 0.87

02:36:13.000 I forget the guy's name, but they're just so fucking good. 0.66

02:36:16.000 I gotta write that down. 0.84

02:36:17.000 She's a badass. 1.00

02:36:18.000 Kerry Russell.

02:36:19.000 What else has she been in?

02:36:20.000 She was in that...

02:36:22.000 Felicity, right?

02:36:23.000 Felicity, which was huge.

02:36:24.000 What's that?

02:36:24.000 It was on 15 years ago on Fox.

02:36:27.000 Yeah.

02:36:28.000 Really?

02:36:29.000 Yeah.

02:36:30.000 But it's like...

02:36:31.000 I watched six seasons of it in six months. 0.98

02:36:35.000 And they fucked a bunch of other people, right? 1.00

02:36:37.000 Yeah, it's part of their job is they both go off and fuck other people. 1.00

02:36:41.000 And what are the people he has to fuck? 0.99

02:36:42.000 Well, I don't want to spoil it. 0.99

02:36:44.000 Hey! 0.99

02:36:44.000 Settle it down! 0.99

02:36:45.000 You'll see.

02:36:46.000 You'll see it all!

02:36:47.000 Don't say nothing!

02:36:48.000 Don't say nothing!

02:36:49.000 All right, let's wrap this up and we're going to talk about all the things we couldn't talk about on the air.

02:36:53.000 Yeah!

02:36:54.000 Hey, thank you so much for being on episode one.

02:36:56.000 My pleasure, brother.

02:36:57.000 Can I give you some dates? 1.00

02:36:58.000 Fuck yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:36:59.000 Oh, kill the music. 1.00

02:37:00.000 Let everybody know where the fuck Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be. 1.00

02:37:02.000 Ladies and gentlemen, coming to you. 0.99

02:37:04.000 GregFitzsimmons.com.

02:37:05.000 Yeah, Fitzdog.com.

02:37:05.000 Fitzdog.com.

02:37:06.000 This weekend in Grand Rapids, Michigan, the 19th through 21st.

02:37:11.000 Spokane Comedy Club, November 2nd through the 4th.

02:37:14.000 Atlanta Punchline, November 17th through 19th.

02:37:17.000 And Zanies in Nashville, December 8th and 9th.

02:37:20.000 Boom! 0.99

02:37:21.000 Janies in Nashville, one of the great clubs in the country.

02:37:23.000 It's a fun club.

02:37:24.000 It's one of the best.

02:37:25.000 Oh, wait a minute.

02:37:25.000 I've never worked there.

02:37:26.000 Oh, good.

02:37:27.000 No?

02:37:27.000 No.

02:37:28.000 Oh, good.

02:37:29.000 That was one of the ones, remember I was telling you, where Gersh kept clubs from me?

02:37:32.000 Yeah.

02:37:33.000 When I was with them?

02:37:34.000 That was one of the ones.

02:37:34.000 Oh, all right.

02:37:35.000 It's a great spot.

02:37:36.000 Yeah.

02:37:36.000 Ladies and gentlemen, that is it for episode one from the new studio.

02:37:41.000 Thank you so much.

02:37:42.000 We'll be back soon.

02:37:44.000 Bye-bye!

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 18, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons

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