The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1082 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:00.000 Doo doo [...

00:00:07.000 He's a guy that I've been telling forever is probably the most underrated stand-up in the history of stand-up.

00:00:13.000 I think he's like one of the all-time grades. 0.96

00:00:14.000 And he's got a body of work because he did a one-hour, back before everybody was doing one-hour specials every year, he was doing that shit back in the 90s. 0.98

00:00:21.000 Oh, yeah. 0.96

00:00:22.000 On Showtime, he had a Showtime one.

00:00:24.000 Like, when I was just starting out, so I think it was like 89 or 90, somewhere around the way, he had a Showtime special.

00:00:33.000 Yeah.

00:00:33.000 And then he had a bunch of HBO specials, but the last one that he did before he died in 2007, that is his masterpiece.

00:00:43.000 Really?

00:00:43.000 Yeah, it's called Steaming Pile of Me.

00:00:46.000 And I was listening to it one night coming home from a club and just laughing out loud in the car and clapping. 0.97

00:00:54.000 Clapping in the car like, God damn, this guy was good. 0.98

00:00:57.000 He was so good. 0.99

00:00:59.000 I mean, he was one of those guys that dressed, he put on a sharp outfit and pleated pants. 0.69

00:01:05.000 You know, really fucking corny, like, 90s looking, you know, the collar with no, you know, the rounded priest collar shirts. 0.87

00:01:12.000 Well, he was from Bensonhurst. 0.98

00:01:14.000 Oh, is that right?

00:01:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:15.000 It's the old school Guinea mentality.

00:01:18.000 Right, right.

00:01:18.000 From Brooklyn.

00:01:19.000 Yeah.

00:01:20.000 And he would give you, I can remember like at least three times, he would call me an hour after my set and give me taglines to bits.

00:01:30.000 Wow.

00:01:31.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:01:32.000 And they were fucking good. 0.98

00:01:33.000 He was almost like on the spectrum with that. 0.99

00:01:35.000 Yeah.

00:01:36.000 Totally.

00:01:37.000 He wouldn't look you in the eye.

00:01:38.000 He'd be like looking down and he'd go really fast and talk with his hands.

00:01:42.000 Yeah.

00:01:42.000 And I think...

00:01:45.000 He obviously, if people don't know, Richard Jenny sadly committed suicide in the end.

00:01:51.000 And what was tough for him was that he was that good and he never really broke through.

00:01:56.000 He had a sitcom, short-lived sitcom called Platypus Man that was on like one of those UPN channels.

00:02:04.000 And after that, it was like he was the guy who used to fill up his book in January.

00:02:09.000 He was on the road 45 weeks a year and making $100,000 on corporate dates, $50,000 on corporate dates with 15 of those a year.

00:02:20.000 Yeah, I'm sure he was living well, but he didn't enjoy it.

00:02:22.000 But he felt like a failure.

00:02:23.000 Yeah.

00:02:24.000 And to us, he was a hero.

00:02:26.000 Yeah.

00:02:27.000 I remember seeing him at Eastside Comedy Club in New York, and it was me and Joey Cola and a couple other guys.

00:02:36.000 I only saw one set, but God, I forget who the host was, but the host said he did a different hour all four shows. 0.99

00:02:45.000 No shit. 0.99

00:02:46.000 And I went, what? 1.00

00:02:47.000 Wow.

00:02:47.000 I was so humbled, because I was like, I don't even have...

00:02:50.000 I had 20 minutes back then.

00:02:52.000 I was like, what?

00:02:53.000 How did he do that?

00:02:54.000 How can he do that?

00:02:55.000 And they were like, he's the best.

00:02:57.000 But it was a weird thing.

00:02:59.000 It's like, he came along before Netflix, because if he was around today and people got to see his Netflix special, it's just one of those things that would have caught on.

00:03:09.000 But in the HBO specials, you were either home when it aired or you weren't.

00:03:14.000 There was no DVRs back then.

00:03:17.000 Maybe, maybe you set up the VHS tape to record.

00:03:21.000 Maybe.

00:03:21.000 Yeah.

00:03:22.000 I could never figure out how to fucking get that thing to record when I wasn't there. 0.90

00:03:26.000 Oh no, I couldn't do that. 0.90

00:03:27.000 The timer?

00:03:27.000 No.

00:03:28.000 The timer, you'd end up recording like Days of Our Lives or something. 1.00

00:03:32.000 Yeah, fucking Golden Girls. 1.00

00:03:34.000 Bunch of old twats. 1.00

00:03:36.000 It was a bunch of old women and the scripts are written by old Jewish guys. 1.00

00:03:41.000 All menopause jokes.

00:03:44.000 He's one of the saddest cases to me because I just don't think that...

00:03:48.000 I don't know how many friends he had.

00:03:50.000 In comedy, I know he's really good friends with Chris Rock.

00:03:53.000 And he worked with Chris a lot.

00:03:55.000 He was a punch-up guy for Chris a lot.

00:03:58.000 But I don't know if anybody was there to just...

00:04:02.000 I think that's a big thing for us. 0.98

00:04:05.000 I think comics are some of the weirdest fucking people, but I gravitate towards them. 0.94

00:04:11.000 Like I've always said, if I run into a comic at the airport, I'm like, oh, look, it's one of us. 0.98

00:04:18.000 We're weird.

00:04:19.000 It's a weird job.

00:04:20.000 We're weird people. 0.53

00:04:21.000 We're all crazy. 0.95

00:04:22.000 I've never met one of us that isn't crazy. 0.90

00:04:25.000 And I think sometimes we need each other to go, yeah, it's alright.

00:04:29.000 You're alright.

00:04:30.000 Everybody loves you, man.

00:04:31.000 Yeah, going to the comedy store for me is definitely like a therapy session, I feel.

00:04:36.000 And partly it's that you're performing and you're getting the positive feedback.

00:04:40.000 And part of it is that you're running into people.

00:04:42.000 And I mean, it could be anybody.

00:04:43.000 It could be an Asian female comic. 1.00

00:04:47.000 It could be Don Barris.

00:04:50.000 The spectrum of different types.

00:04:52.000 But like you said, there's something that...

00:04:54.000 There's a thread that runs through all of it, which is like this feeling that...

00:05:00.000 Like MMA, we're going to get in the ring. 0.76

00:05:02.000 We are going to face an audience at some point that night.

00:05:05.000 And there's a charge to that.

00:05:07.000 Like, there's a fear. 1.00

00:05:08.000 I don't care who the fuck you are. 1.00

00:05:10.000 You can deny you're afraid when you go on stage. 1.00

00:05:12.000 But it's in there somewhere.

00:05:14.000 We've just gotten so good at dealing with it that it doesn't show.

00:05:17.000 And sometimes we're not even aware of it.

00:05:19.000 And if it's not there, that means you're probably not taking any chances.

00:05:22.000 Right.

00:05:23.000 That's not good, because then you'll have that dull thing going on stage, and then you'll bomb, and then you'll really have fear.

00:05:28.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:05:28.000 When you're doing jokes that you think are killer, and they're just eating plates of shit up there because you don't have anything left in you. 0.98

00:05:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:35.000 Like, last night, it was just Murderer's Row, man. 0.96

00:05:38.000 I'm walking in, and fucking Bobby Lee's crushing, and then Chris D'Elia's crushing, and then I go up, and Theo Vaughn's crushing, and then it's fucking Ian Edwards smashing after that. 0.98

00:05:49.000 It's like, good lord, what a lineup! 0.99

00:05:51.000 Yeah.

00:05:52.000 Right.

00:05:52.000 And you're hugging everybody.

00:05:54.000 I'm hugging.

00:05:54.000 Right.

00:05:54.000 Dom Barris, I see him.

00:05:56.000 I hug Whitney Cummings.

00:05:57.000 I see her.

00:05:58.000 Everybody's just like, it's just this big camaraderie place.

00:06:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:02.000 We're so lucky.

00:06:04.000 Yeah, we survived.

00:06:05.000 You know, and there's so many guys that I came up, you know, we came up with guys that I would have, I was competitive when I started out, and there was guys I had bad blood with.

00:06:14.000 And I see those guys now, and they're like my brothers, because we went through it together.

00:06:19.000 Yeah.

00:06:19.000 I know.

00:06:20.000 The competitive thing, I've talked about that a lot.

00:06:22.000 I had to give that up.

00:06:23.000 I had that when I was a kid, when I was like 21-ish, because it was still left over from the martial arts days, like martial arts competition. 0.99

00:06:31.000 I would want people to do bad, and then I realized, that is so stupid. 0.98

00:06:37.000 That has zero effect on me. 0.99

00:06:40.000 When they're up there, if they're doing good, that'll just make me better.

00:06:44.000 It'll just make me work harder.

00:06:45.000 But if they do bad, that's the thing that some comedians do.

00:06:49.000 They will take a terrible comic on the road with them so they can look like a hero.

00:06:53.000 It's a common thing, right?

00:06:55.000 It's called stacking the deck.

00:06:56.000 They'll stack the deck, they'll have some torturous act for half an hour, and then they go up and look like a monster.

00:07:02.000 Yeah.

00:07:04.000 And that's not the way to do it, I don't think.

00:07:06.000 I think the way to do it is the opposite.

00:07:07.000 Just have a bunch of murderers on in front of you and have fun with it.

00:07:10.000 And everybody have fun.

00:07:12.000 Yeah, I think that you...

00:07:14.000 I love...

00:07:15.000 I mean, I don't like going on after D'Elia.

00:07:18.000 There's like one or two guys that I just don't like going on after.

00:07:25.000 But in general...

00:07:27.000 Why don't you like going on after D'Elia?

00:07:28.000 I just feel like he's so physical and big...

00:07:32.000 And that doesn't really, it shouldn't affect me, but I just feel like when he gets off, the crowd is just like in this mode of like euphoria.

00:07:43.000 And it's kind of like, all right, I'm going to take it down a couple notches and just talk.

00:07:48.000 And I feel like sometimes that's my weakness that I can't adjust to that.

00:07:52.000 Joey Diaz, same thing.

00:07:54.000 It's just like the room is just, they got to put their socks back on. 0.99

00:07:59.000 And you're up there, and I'm writing dry shit. 0.99

00:08:02.000 I'm trying to be a little ironic, and they're just looking at me like, you're small. 1.00

00:08:08.000 You're insignificant.

00:08:09.000 And all your insecurities start coming out sometimes. 0.63

00:08:13.000 And I've beaten that.

00:08:15.000 You come up in New York, and you can't be like that, because you're going on after Attell and Louie and whoever.

00:08:20.000 And so I came to terms with realizing that you don't ride the wave.

00:08:25.000 You let the wave settle, and you start your own wave.

00:08:35.000 Yeah.

00:08:44.000 Right.

00:08:45.000 Because first of all, you only have 15 minutes, and there's all these other guys that have 15 minutes too, and they go on these rides.

00:08:52.000 So everybody's going on a new ride.

00:08:54.000 Like, okay, we just got done with Magic Mountain, or Space Mountain.

00:08:57.000 Now we're going to go on this ride.

00:08:59.000 It's a small world.

00:09:00.000 Oh, a small world's slower.

00:09:01.000 Settle down.

00:09:02.000 It's not as crazy.

00:09:03.000 Where are all the lights?

00:09:04.000 You've got to settle in.

00:09:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:06.000 It's a great fucking place for just... 1.00

00:09:10.000 Just figuring it out. 1.00

00:09:11.000 Working on your shit. 1.00

00:09:13.000 I'm in this weird place right now with my act where I'm getting ready to film a special. 1.00

00:09:18.000 How are you?

00:09:18.000 I'm hyper-examining everything.

00:09:22.000 Going over everything with a fine-tooth comb.

00:09:24.000 But the problem with that is...

00:09:26.000 Yeah.

00:09:36.000 Yeah.

00:09:49.000 And so when you do the special, it's almost like you've got to take a little time off before you do it.

00:09:54.000 Yeah, there's a number of sets you do where you're in the groove, and it's tight, and everything feels good, and then there's a number that you do too much, and everything gets kind of flat.

00:10:06.000 Yeah.

00:10:06.000 You've got to find that.

00:10:07.000 What is that?

00:10:09.000 What if they have that in other things?

00:10:10.000 It must be the case with bands, right? 0.98

00:10:13.000 When they tour, they must get so sick of fucking singing the same song over and over and over and over again. 0.99

00:10:18.000 I mean, I saw the Beach Boys recently, and they fucking love it. 0.99

00:10:23.000 They love being up there. 0.98

00:10:24.000 You know, you can see it.

00:10:25.000 You can feel it.

00:10:26.000 You know, I think it goes to another level.

00:10:28.000 I think it becomes a communication with the fans, with bands that we don't necessarily have the same thing.

00:10:33.000 Right.

00:10:34.000 It's like, for them, it is a very communal experience that's happening.

00:10:38.000 And with us, it's more like, we're going to dominate you for an hour.

00:10:41.000 Right.

00:10:42.000 Right, right.

00:10:42.000 We're going to take control of this room.

00:10:44.000 You're going to listen to everything we say. 0.96

00:10:46.000 We're going to bring you up, take you down, insult you, bring you back in. 1.00

00:10:50.000 You know, crowd work.

00:10:51.000 There's like a whole thing, but it's all being orchestrated by you.

00:10:55.000 Yeah.

00:10:56.000 Yeah, another thing we were talking about, about traveling to places.

00:11:00.000 Like, that the further you go, the harder it is to get there, the more happy they are to see you.

00:11:04.000 Yeah, right.

00:11:05.000 Yeah.

00:11:06.000 That's an interesting phenomenon.

00:11:09.000 I was saying that Ari and I did a gig in Anchorage, Alaska a few years back. 0.96

00:11:13.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.99

00:11:15.000 You get up there in this weird town, you know, and the coolest fucking people. 0.99

00:11:20.000 You ever been to Anchorage? 0.98

00:11:21.000 No. 0.91

00:11:21.000 Dude, crazy. 0.91

00:11:22.000 We got up there. 0.99

00:11:24.000 And I'm expecting, I'm gonna see people covered in fur, and everything's gonna be covered in snow, and they'll be riding dog sleds everywhere and shit. 0.93

00:11:32.000 No. 0.89

00:11:32.000 They were so normal. 0.89

00:11:34.000 I drove by this group of people holding up signs that said, Honk for Diversity. 1.00

00:11:39.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

00:11:40.000 Yeah, like, they were holding rainbow flags up and shit. 0.99

00:11:42.000 Do they have diversity? 0.90

00:11:43.000 Yeah.

00:11:44.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:11:44.000 No shit. 0.97

00:11:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:46.000 Yeah, it's, I mean, it's a real city.

00:11:48.000 I mean, it's small.

00:11:49.000 Yeah.

00:11:50.000 How many people do you think live in Anchorage?

00:11:52.000 You gotta guess.

00:11:53.000 20,000?

00:11:57.000 I'm going to go with 50. 50 people?

00:12:01.000 Yeah, no, 50,000.

00:12:02.000 300,000.

00:12:03.000 300,000? 1.00

00:12:03.000 No shit. 1.00

00:12:04.000 Wow. 1.00

00:12:05.000 Holy shit, that's huge. 1.00

00:12:06.000 That's three times the size of Boulder. 1.00

00:12:08.000 That's really big.

00:12:10.000 I was in Juneau.

00:12:12.000 I remember I was in Juneau and there was a Burger King. 0.99

00:12:14.000 And I was like, what the fuck is a Burger King doing in the middle of Alaska? 0.99

00:12:18.000 And then there were bald eagles going through the dumpster and picking at fucking Big Macs. 1.00

00:12:25.000 I was like, here's a symbol of America right here. 0.98

00:12:29.000 That's the first time I've ever seen an eagle live is in Alaska.

00:12:32.000 This is a weird animal to look at.

00:12:34.000 I know.

00:12:34.000 It's a weird animal to pick for your bird, too.

00:12:37.000 Like, it's our national animal.

00:12:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:39.000 A ruthless fucking evil raptor. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:42.000 That comes out of the sky out of nowhere and kills.

00:12:46.000 Yeah.

00:12:48.000 You know, they say that there was an eagle at one point in time that they think was preying on early humans. 0.99

00:12:55.000 No shit. 0.99

00:12:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:12:56.000 They think that there's been some giant raptors in the past and they found some old primate bones, some old ancient, you know, ancestors of human beings that had what looked like claw marks on their skulls. 0.99

00:13:08.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 Their brains had been picked out of their skull and clawed out. 0.91

00:13:11.000 Yeah.

00:13:13.000 There was an eagle like that in New Zealand.

00:13:14.000 It was called the host eagle.

00:13:15.000 It was an enormous eagle in New Zealand.

00:13:18.000 Like, way bigger than any of the eagles that we have alive today.

00:13:21.000 They think it might have jacked a few people.

00:13:23.000 Wow.

00:13:24.000 Well, Colorado, I'm sure, when you lived out there, people, you can't leave your dog outside.

00:13:28.000 No.

00:13:29.000 My dog got eaten there. 1.00

00:13:30.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

00:13:31.000 Yeah, I had a bit about it in my act. 1.00

00:13:33.000 No shit. 0.99

00:13:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:34.000 My littlest dog. 1.00

00:13:35.000 What kind of dog was it?

00:13:37.000 He was a Pomeranian-American Eskimo mix.

00:13:42.000 That's a decent-sized dog, right?

00:13:44.000 No, he was real little.

00:13:45.000 Oh.

00:13:45.000 He was, like, this big.

00:13:46.000 He was, like...

00:13:47.000 Maybe 30 pounds.

00:13:49.000 Tiny little guy.

00:13:50.000 Yeah.

00:13:50.000 He got jacked.

00:13:51.000 Did you see him get jacked?

00:13:52.000 No, but we saw the cat hanging around the property.

00:13:56.000 We saw the cat in the area and then there was definitely evidence that something had gone down.

00:14:02.000 Yeah.

00:14:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:04.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:14:04.000 Yeah, it happens all the time. 1.00

00:14:06.000 One of the things they found in California is because California has a lot of mountain lions that live on the outskirts of cities.

00:14:13.000 They purposely hang around the outskirts of cities and come into town at night and eat people's dogs and cats. 0.98

00:14:19.000 And they found that when they examined the contents, they expected it to be way more like rabbits and deer and shit like that. 0.97

00:14:27.000 But it was half domestic house cats and dogs. 0.99

00:14:30.000 Yeah.

00:14:30.000 Half of their diet.

00:14:31.000 Well, because they're easy.

00:14:33.000 Yeah, easy.

00:14:33.000 They're the fatted calf.

00:14:34.000 Well, also, they can just jump over everything.

00:14:37.000 I mean, any fence you have.

00:14:38.000 They, whoop, over it, grab your dog, and they're so powerful, they could take your dog over the top of the fence.

00:14:43.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

00:14:44.000 Fucking nuts. 1.00

00:14:45.000 Shit. 1.00

00:14:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:47.000 I came home one day and there was a possum in the driveway.

00:14:51.000 Are they ravens or crows in LA? Those giant black birds?

00:14:56.000 That's a good question.

00:14:57.000 I don't know what the difference is.

00:14:57.000 Because I said they were crows and my friend's like, no, those are ravens.

00:15:01.000 And they're big.

00:15:02.000 I mean, they're a good two feet long. 0.99

00:15:05.000 And it was on top of a possum and it was fucking picking it apart. 0.99

00:15:09.000 And the thing was alive. 0.99

00:15:10.000 The possum was alive.

00:15:11.000 What?

00:15:11.000 Yeah.

00:15:12.000 Really?

00:15:13.000 And so I tried to scare this black bird away, and he looked at me like, I'm not going anywhere. 1.00

00:15:19.000 I got a fucking possum here. 0.99

00:15:20.000 And so I got a broom, and I like pushed him away. 1.00

00:15:24.000 You hit him?

00:15:25.000 Yeah.

00:15:25.000 He let you get that close so you could touch him?

00:15:27.000 Oh yeah, he wasn't leaving the possum.

00:15:28.000 Whoa.

00:15:29.000 And then he stood like 12 feet away, and I got a shoebox, and I put the possum in it.

00:15:35.000 But the possums, they hiss at you.

00:15:36.000 They open their mouths, and they just go like...

00:15:40.000 And they got vicious teeth.

00:15:41.000 You gotta be really careful with them.

00:15:43.000 But I got it in the shoebox and I called animal services and they came and got it.

00:15:47.000 Look at you out there saving possums.

00:15:48.000 That's right.

00:15:49.000 I love possums.

00:15:50.000 Do you?

00:15:50.000 You got a thing for them?

00:15:51.000 Yeah, they're cute as shit. 0.95

00:15:53.000 I love them. 0.64

00:15:53.000 And they're just so mysterious. 0.64

00:15:55.000 You know, they come out at night.

00:15:57.000 Yeah, like where are they hiding in the day?

00:15:58.000 One of them used to sleep and I had some shrubs on the side of my lawn.

00:16:02.000 And if you looked inside, you could see them hanging upside down.

00:16:06.000 Whoa.

00:16:07.000 Yeah.

00:16:07.000 Oh, that's right.

00:16:08.000 They hang.

00:16:08.000 Yeah.

00:16:09.000 What a fucked up animal. 1.00

00:16:11.000 I know. 1.00

00:16:11.000 Have you ever seen a quad a Monday? 1.00

00:16:13.000 Never even heard of it. 0.96

00:16:16.000 Aquatamundae is an animal that's in South America, and a friend of mine was telling me he ran into one, or I was listening to his podcast, rather, he ran into one of them in Arizona, and that it looks like a bear fucked a monkey. 0.97

00:16:29.000 It looks like a half bear, half monkey. 0.95

00:16:31.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

00:16:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:16:33.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:16:34.000 How cool is that thing?

00:16:35.000 And it's a climber.

00:16:36.000 Yeah, dude.

00:16:37.000 Well, they're big.

00:16:38.000 They're like 40 pounds.

00:16:40.000 Wow.

00:16:40.000 And they're predatory.

00:16:43.000 And he was making noises.

00:16:45.000 He was deer hunting.

00:16:46.000 And this thing came running out of the woods.

00:16:49.000 He was trying to call it by making like wounded animal sounds.

00:16:55.000 And this thing came running out of the grass looking at him.

00:17:00.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

00:17:01.000 Look at his fucking teeth. 1.00

00:17:02.000 What a crazy little animal. 1.00

00:17:03.000 Like a wolverine.

00:17:04.000 I didn't even know that existed.

00:17:06.000 I had no idea that thing existed.

00:17:08.000 I mean, it does look like it's a member of the badger family when you look at its face, but then it has a tail, like a big, crazy long tail.

00:17:16.000 But the teeth look like orangutan teeth, the way they curve in, like, sharp.

00:17:22.000 I didn't even know that was a real thing.

00:17:24.000 Apparently, there's a lot of them in South America, and then in the United States, they are expanding their range in Arizona.

00:17:32.000 Wow.

00:17:33.000 Yeah.

00:17:34.000 The way you spell it is C-O-A-T-I-M-U-N-D-I. Cuatamundi.

00:17:39.000 Isn't that a Spanish-speaking channel?

00:17:41.000 It was actually coming up like that.

00:17:43.000 Cuatamundi.

00:17:44.000 Oh, interesting.

00:17:45.000 Yeah, the K. But people spell it with a C in America.

00:17:49.000 Yeah, I went with your phonetic spelling.

00:17:51.000 I typed it in actually with a Q, and this is what came up was the K-U-A-E-A. Interesting.

00:17:56.000 I think...

00:17:58.000 How is it spelled in that other one?

00:17:59.000 Have you scrolled down that one that we just looked at?

00:18:01.000 C. I think you spell it with a C. Yeah, I think that's how you spell it.

00:18:05.000 C-O-A. Yeah. 0.94

00:18:07.000 Whatever.

00:18:08.000 It's awesome.

00:18:09.000 And people, apparently, the Game and Fish Department in Arizona, they get calls all the time where people are like, there's a monkey running around in the woods!

00:18:17.000 I saw a monkey!

00:18:19.000 Yeah.

00:18:19.000 But it's that thing.

00:18:20.000 If that's Arizona, that could just be a racist, Colin.

00:18:23.000 Yeah.

00:18:24.000 Arizona's this weird place.

00:18:25.000 Yeah.

00:18:26.000 Arizona is incredibly interesting in its climate, right?

00:18:30.000 Like, you've got desert, and then you have, like, some of the craziest forests. 0.99

00:18:37.000 You have all kinds of weird shit. 0.89

00:18:38.000 There's, like, an incredibly diverse wildlife population in Arizona. 1.00

00:18:42.000 Yeah, right.

00:18:43.000 Big-ass birds. 0.99

00:18:44.000 Big-ass birds and deer and elk and all kinds of weird shit. 1.00

00:18:48.000 Crazy mountain rising. 0.99

00:18:49.000 Like, you're in the middle of Phoenix and you got those fucking giant cliffs sticking right up in the middle of the city. 0.98

00:18:54.000 Great hiking. 0.93

00:18:55.000 I did that one time.

00:18:56.000 They have an influx of jaguars now.

00:18:58.000 Oh, there's Aquatamundi.

00:19:00.000 Jaguars?

00:19:01.000 Yes, they're moving in from Mexico. 1.00

00:19:03.000 Look at that fucker. 1.00

00:19:04.000 This thing says they make good pets, too, apparently. 1.00

00:19:07.000 Really?

00:19:07.000 Yeah, it says you can train them.

00:19:09.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:19:09.000 Pull those fucking teeth out first. 1.00

00:19:13.000 I'm pretty sure we saw one of those in Costa Rica, and my daughters were calling it a kinkachu. 1.00

00:19:19.000 They made up a name for it, but he was just hanging out near this resort in Costa Rica.

00:19:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:26.000 Look at these little fuckers. 1.00

00:19:27.000 Just chillin'. 1.00

00:19:28.000 Oh, they got long tongues.

00:19:30.000 So cute.

00:19:30.000 Oh, they're anteaters too, I bet.

00:19:32.000 I bet they fucking eat everything. 1.00

00:19:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:34.000 I mean, it's hard out there.

00:19:36.000 Look at them. 0.99

00:19:38.000 No fucking way! 1.00

00:19:39.000 Oh my god, the guy's petting it. 1.00

00:19:40.000 That is crazy.

00:19:42.000 These are wild.

00:19:43.000 Oh, okay, that's a resort.

00:19:44.000 See, that's kind of like what I experienced in Costa Rica.

00:19:48.000 These things would just come by and hang out. 1.00

00:19:51.000 What a cool looking fucking animal. 1.00

00:19:53.000 Look at that guy's belly. 1.00

00:19:55.000 The nachos in front of him.

00:19:59.000 Yeah, South America, it's crazy how...

00:20:03.000 Have you ever gone to South America?

00:20:06.000 No.

00:20:07.000 Oh, yeah, Chile.

00:20:08.000 The wildlife there is just incredible.

00:20:10.000 Costa Rica has all these different kinds of monkeys.

00:20:12.000 Oh, no, we went to Costa Rica.

00:20:13.000 They have howler monkeys and those other little smaller monkeys.

00:20:17.000 Yeah, we had howler monkeys, right?

00:20:19.000 There was like a one...

00:20:20.000 Because it's the rainforest, and we had a one-mile path that went around the house that we were renting.

00:20:25.000 And yeah, these howler monkeys would go... 0.96

00:20:27.000 Right above you.

00:20:28.000 Yeah, and scream. 1.00

00:20:29.000 No fear. 1.00

00:20:30.000 There was fucking dogs everywhere. 1.00

00:20:32.000 We had like two dogs that just were, they must have come at the house. 1.00

00:20:35.000 They were just there.

00:20:36.000 And you feed them and they follow you everywhere.

00:20:39.000 Oh, wow.

00:20:39.000 And then you drive up and there's the Black River, I think it's called, and it's right on the border of Nicaragua.

00:20:47.000 And they've got those caimans, you know, those little alligators?

00:20:50.000 Yeah.

00:20:50.000 And you take a boat through these, like, waterways, and I mean, it is filthy with caiman.

00:20:56.000 They're fucking everywhere. 0.99

00:20:57.000 Wow. 1.00

00:20:58.000 It was so scary.

00:20:59.000 We were just, like, paddling through them.

00:21:02.000 They have real crocodiles in Costa Rica.

00:21:05.000 They have those big-ass crocodiles. 0.99

00:21:07.000 Oh, do they?

00:21:08.000 Yeah, we went on a tour, and they take you on a boat, and they take you pretty close to these things. 0.90

00:21:12.000 But I'm freaking the fuck out. 0.84

00:21:13.000 I'm like, if one of my kids falls overboard, they're dead. 0.97

00:21:15.000 And you're just on this little boat. 1.00

00:21:18.000 These people are so relaxed about safety and shit. 0.99

00:21:22.000 It's so not Disneyland. 0.99

00:21:24.000 What part of Costa Rica did you go to?

00:21:26.000 Did you go to the middle part, like Lake Arenal with the volcano?

00:21:28.000 We went to a couple different spots, but we went up to the rainforest and did the zip line, which is a mile long. 0.99

00:21:35.000 And I'm like, who the fuck is checking this? 0.90

00:21:38.000 Who's making sure that the stability of this line is intact? 0.98

00:21:42.000 Yeah, and they have this volcano that's in, I forget, well, Lake Arenal is the area, and they've got these hot springs, and there was like 14 pools that went up a hill, and you could swim in each one,

00:21:58.000 and the bottom was like cold, and the top one was so hot, it was practically boiling.

00:22:04.000 Whoa.

00:22:04.000 So you could just kind of work your way up into each one.

00:22:07.000 And then this woman comes up to me and she goes, you want a massage? 1.00

00:22:12.000 And I was like, yeah.

00:22:14.000 So we go out to this little...

00:22:16.000 It's off to the side and there's sheets around a bed. 0.96

00:22:21.000 And I'm laying there and I'm like, this is fucking great. 0.82

00:22:25.000 And then all of a sudden I hear my mother's voice. 0.99

00:22:28.000 And she had gotten solicited and she was getting a massage like six inches from me. 1.00

00:22:33.000 And I'm stark naked getting rubbed by this beautiful Costa Rican woman. 0.99

00:22:37.000 And I can hear my mother, who doesn't stop talking for the entire massage, for the thick Bronx accent.

00:22:42.000 So how long you been here for?

00:22:45.000 You from here?

00:22:49.000 That's a relaxation crusher.

00:22:51.000 Yes!

00:22:52.000 You just want to just melt into the rainforest and just get rubbed on.

00:22:56.000 Just look down through that little horseshoe with your face in it and look at those little Costa Rican feet. 1.00

00:23:04.000 Those brown, rounded little toes.

00:23:06.000 You and the feet thing.

00:23:08.000 Oh, that's so weird. 0.99

00:23:11.000 Massages are fucking weird, man. 0.99

00:23:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:23:13.000 It's weird.

00:23:14.000 I mean, it's obviously, there's a physical aspect to it.

00:23:18.000 Like, you want your muscles to be manipulated because it's very good for them, and you get loose some kinks and a lot of weird stuff that's knotted up. 0.99

00:23:26.000 But there's also the pleasure aspect of it.

00:23:29.000 Yeah, right.

00:23:29.000 You know?

00:23:30.000 It's pleasurable.

00:23:31.000 Right.

00:23:31.000 Like, it feels good to have someone touch you.

00:23:34.000 Oh, my God!

00:23:35.000 I mean, your skin is your biggest organ, and they talk about emotionally and psychically what it means to have skin-to-skin contact, and for an hour, somebody is devoting their skin to your skin.

00:23:47.000 I mean, think about it. 0.89

00:23:47.000 You have sex with your wife. 0.89

00:23:49.000 You're touching for, you know, 15, 20 minutes, one part of you, a little groping, you cry. 0.99

00:23:55.000 But to have...

00:23:57.000 A sensual touch like that.

00:23:59.000 Yeah.

00:24:00.000 For an hour.

00:24:01.000 Yeah!

00:24:02.000 And also, like, the energy that you must...

00:24:07.000 When you're a person who's doing that all day, you're putting out a lot of energy and you're getting energy from those people.

00:24:13.000 Some people must feel weird.

00:24:16.000 Yeah, I've talked to masseuses who say that they have to discharge energy after a massage.

00:24:22.000 These are more like touchy-feely kind of masseuses.

00:24:25.000 Crazy crystal people. 0.51

00:24:27.000 Yeah.

00:24:28.000 One that she would put crystals in my belly button and then my arm would be down and she would hold my arm and tell me to raise my arm to see what the pressure was and then she could tell by that which herbal remedies I needed for my allergies. 0.94

00:24:43.000 Oh Christ.

00:24:45.000 Jesus Christ.

00:24:47.000 There's so many of these people out there. 1.00

00:24:49.000 They're just so fucking crazy. 1.00

00:24:51.000 Right. 1.00

00:24:52.000 And then it works, and you're like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:24:54.000 It worked? 0.99

00:24:55.000 I guess you can believe anything.

00:24:57.000 How did it work?

00:24:59.000 She gave me allergies, these herbs, because I was just fucking sneezing nonstop, and I stopped sneezing.

00:25:07.000 And you know that homeopath, they take like a barrel of distilled water, and then they'll put in like a mint leaf and like a couple other herbs, and then they just take the bottle and they fill it with that water. 0.78

00:25:23.000 And that's homeopathic remedy.

00:25:25.000 Most of them are like that diluted. 1.00

00:25:28.000 Yeah, a lot of it's bullshit. 0.99

00:25:30.000 Like, I remember somebody gave me Arnica once. 0.99

00:25:32.000 What's that?

00:25:33.000 It's like some little pills.

00:25:35.000 They're little tiny, tiny little, almost little things that dissolve in your mouth.

00:25:41.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

00:25:41.000 It tastes like sugar.

00:25:42.000 Right.

00:25:43.000 I go, this is sugar.

00:25:44.000 And someone's like, no, there's sugar in it.

00:25:46.000 I go, well, why is there sugar in it?

00:25:47.000 It's supposed to be medicine.

00:25:49.000 Sugar's not good for you. 1.00

00:25:50.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

00:25:51.000 And it was homeopathic. 1.00

00:25:53.000 It was some sort of homeopathic remedy.

00:25:55.000 I'm like, okay.

00:25:55.000 Do I have to believe this stuff works for it to work?

00:25:57.000 Is it one of those things?

00:25:58.000 Because that's a real thing.

00:25:59.000 Right.

00:26:00.000 You know?

00:26:00.000 Well, what do you say to people who don't think that vitamins are helpful?

00:26:05.000 Well, that's silly.

00:26:06.000 There's a lot of studies that show that vitamins are healthy.

00:26:08.000 But there's a lot of studies that say they're not.

00:26:10.000 Eh, not really.

00:26:11.000 I mean, too much vitamins, excessive vitamins doesn't make any sense, but the studies that show that vitamins are beneficial, they're pretty specific.

00:26:22.000 They're pretty specific in terms of, like, if you get your blood work done, right, for instance, and you are short, a lot of people are short of vitamin D. Vitamin D is a big one.

00:26:31.000 Vitamin B is also a big one.

00:26:33.000 B, B12... Which is the one you get from the sun?

00:26:36.000 That's D. That's D, right?

00:26:37.000 D3 is a good one, too.

00:26:39.000 And that one's good for muscle development and a lot of other functions. 0.99

00:26:43.000 There's a lot of shit that vitamins are good for. 0.98

00:26:46.000 Fish oil is fantastic. 0.99

00:26:48.000 It's very good for reducing inflammation.

00:26:50.000 There's a lot of supplements that are 100% legit.

00:26:54.000 But there's a lot of doctors that don't know anything about nutrition that'll tell you, all you need is a balanced meal.

00:27:00.000 Right.

00:27:01.000 All you need is a balanced meal.

00:27:02.000 Well, if you had a balanced meal, kind of, yeah.

00:27:05.000 If you really made sure that you ate a certain portion of vegetables, green, leafy, dark vegetables that have a lot of vitamins, and if you made sure that you have the right amount of protein and...

00:27:14.000 Fruit.

00:27:15.000 Yeah, fruit, some fruit.

00:27:17.000 You're not a proponent of eating too much fruit, right?

00:27:20.000 Didn't you tell me like...

00:27:21.000 There's a lot of sugar in it.

00:27:21.000 Like juices, most juices are too high in sugar?

00:27:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:24.000 If you drink a big glass of orange juice, your body has a really hard time differentiating that between a big glass of soda or fucking high C or some shit like that. 0.99

00:27:35.000 Right. 0.99

00:27:35.000 It's like, if it has 30 grams of sugar, it has 30 grams of sugar. 0.99

00:27:38.000 And that's what it is.

00:27:39.000 It's 30 grams of sugar.

00:27:40.000 Yeah.

00:27:40.000 The fact that it's coming out of an orange, that's great.

00:27:43.000 But you're not supposed to drink it like that.

00:27:44.000 An orange is supposed to be something you eat.

00:27:46.000 Yeah.

00:27:46.000 And when you eat it, you get all the fiber, your body breaks it down slower.

00:27:50.000 You're just getting this... 0.99

00:27:51.000 Fucking main line of sugar right into your system, right? 1.00

00:27:55.000 I drink a glass or like if I go and I have breakfast with a big glass orange juice I fucking crash hard like an hour later. 0.98

00:28:01.000 Yeah, it's a big old insulin dump Well, they just did is I just read yesterday that there's a study now that Losing weight is not about caloric intake.

00:28:11.000 It's all about sugar and processed foods crazy Yeah.

00:28:15.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:28:15.000 They say the amounts don't matter.

00:28:16.000 You can eat way more than you think you can as long as you're eating the right shit. 0.98

00:28:20.000 Well, Weight Watchers have completely changed the way they recommend food. 0.99

00:28:25.000 Like, eggs are zero points now. 0.99

00:28:28.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

00:28:28.000 Joey Diaz and Brian Redband. 0.99

00:28:30.000 Brian Redband's on it, too.

00:28:31.000 He was telling me that eggs are zero points.

00:28:33.000 Wow.

00:28:33.000 Zero.

00:28:34.000 You can eat as many eggs as you want.

00:28:35.000 You can eat five eggs.

00:28:36.000 Yeah.

00:28:37.000 People used to say, well, eggs, cholesterol, and, well, it's terrible for you.

00:28:42.000 Fats and all this.

00:28:43.000 Nope.

00:28:44.000 It's fucking great for you. 0.98

00:28:44.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:28:45.000 Sorry we lied.

00:28:46.000 Forever. 0.99

00:28:48.000 I was fucking reading to my kids a little while back. 0.99

00:28:50.000 We had a Dr. Seuss book and it had the food pyramid. 1.00

00:28:53.000 And I go, this food pyramid is bullshit. 1.00

00:28:55.000 Like, what is this? 1.00

00:28:56.000 It's all fucking, the bottom of it is all cereal. 0.99

00:28:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:28:59.000 It's all like cereal and bread. 1.00

00:29:01.000 That's right.

00:29:01.000 That's like the most important thing.

00:29:02.000 What do you got here?

00:29:03.000 Yeah, all the zero point foods on their list.

00:29:05.000 Boneless, skinless chicken breast.

00:29:07.000 Boneless, skinless turkey breast.

00:29:09.000 Ground, lean chicken.

00:29:10.000 Ground, lean turkey.

00:29:11.000 Thin sliced deli chicken breast.

00:29:13.000 So it's all fish and shellfish.

00:29:16.000 Wow.

00:29:17.000 Yogurt.

00:29:17.000 Does not include smoked or dried fish.

00:29:19.000 Huh?

00:29:20.000 Why wouldn't it include smoked fish?

00:29:22.000 That seems weird.

00:29:23.000 Canned fish that is packed in water or brined, i.e.

00:29:26.000 canned tuna, tofu, or smoked tofu.

00:29:29.000 These are all like zero.

00:29:31.000 Nonfat, plain, regular, and Greek yogurt.

00:29:34.000 Nonfat ain't good for you.

00:29:36.000 Nonfat anything is nonsense.

00:29:38.000 Eggs, plain soy yogurt.

00:29:42.000 Fresh frozen and canned beans and lentils that are packed without oil or sugar.

00:29:47.000 Yeah, beans and lentils are huge.

00:29:49.000 Yeah, if you could just eat all that stuff.

00:29:51.000 Avocado's not on there.

00:29:51.000 I guess it's got some fat in it.

00:29:53.000 Well, it's got healthy fats.

00:29:54.000 Right.

00:29:54.000 Yeah.

00:29:55.000 Avocado's unusual because it has mostly unsaturated fats, but it has saturated fats, too.

00:30:01.000 Yeah.

00:30:01.000 It's really good for you.

00:30:03.000 Avocado's a fucking wonderful food. 1.00

00:30:05.000 Wonderful. 0.99

00:30:06.000 I'm 155 pounds, but I had a fucking belly, just because, you know, I was writing on Crashing last year, and we'd have like five meals a day, muffins being handed out, and I put on six pounds, and it all was in my belly. 0.98

00:30:22.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

00:30:23.000 Just breads and processed shit. 0.99

00:30:25.000 And so January 1st, I cut out all bread, all pasta, all sugar, and I've been working out like five days a week, and the belly just fucking disappeared. 0.99

00:30:33.000 You seem like you got some pep in your step. 0.95

00:30:35.000 A little bit.

00:30:36.000 A little bit.

00:30:36.000 A little bit extra, right?

00:30:37.000 Ritalin also helps.

00:30:38.000 Oh, that does it.

00:30:40.000 And a lot of coffee.

00:30:41.000 Do you ever get your hormones checked?

00:30:43.000 No.

00:30:44.000 No?

00:30:44.000 You probably should.

00:30:45.000 See if the testosterone level's there?

00:30:47.000 Yeah.

00:30:48.000 You know, that's a major factor in depression. 1.00

00:30:50.000 No shit. 1.00

00:30:51.000 Major factor. 1.00

00:30:52.000 Yeah.

00:30:52.000 It's a major factor in people with head injuries.

00:30:56.000 Yeah.

00:30:56.000 People that have come back from war, that have been, you know, like a lot of IEDs, been around a lot of explosions, been jolted a lot.

00:31:04.000 Football players, of course, boxers, MMA fighters.

00:31:08.000 They lose testosterone as they get older.

00:31:10.000 You get pituitary damage.

00:31:12.000 Your pituitary gland apparently is incredibly sensitive.

00:31:15.000 And some people get it that are jet skiers.

00:31:17.000 They're into jet skiing.

00:31:18.000 Because just the...

00:31:19.000 All that bouncing and headbanging. 0.99

00:31:22.000 Headbanging is fucking terrible for you. 0.99

00:31:24.000 My son plays soccer and he heads these... 1.00

00:31:26.000 The goalie will kick the ball all the way down the field and I'll see him head it. 0.99

00:31:29.000 I'll be like, dude, just let it fucking bounce. 0.98

00:31:34.000 That's heavy impact. 0.99

00:31:35.000 It is.

00:31:36.000 And soccer players get it a lot.

00:31:38.000 He got a concussion from heading against another guy once.

00:31:42.000 He was out for like three weeks.

00:31:45.000 They collided heads?

00:31:46.000 Yeah.

00:31:47.000 Oh, God.

00:31:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:49.000 Your fucking head is so hard. 1.00

00:31:50.000 It's like running into another, like a rock. 1.00

00:31:53.000 Like a bone.

00:31:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:55.000 Someone could beat you to death with a head. 1.00

00:31:56.000 And you're whipping your head. 1.00

00:31:58.000 You're whipping your head at the balls. 1.00

00:31:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:00.000 Like both slamming into each other.

00:32:01.000 Oh.

00:32:02.000 Yeah.

00:32:03.000 Oh.

00:32:03.000 I played hockey my whole life though and never had any major...

00:32:07.000 Well, my neck.

00:32:08.000 I chipped a vertebrae in my neck.

00:32:10.000 That was the only thing that happened.

00:32:11.000 How'd you do that?

00:32:12.000 I was small, but I was a good skater because I grew up near a lake.

00:32:16.000 So we just skated back before global warming.

00:32:18.000 That lake froze at Christmas until March. 0.98

00:32:21.000 We were out there every fucking day after school all weekend. 0.99

00:32:25.000 All we did was play ice hockey. 0.97

00:32:27.000 So when I got to high school, I was the only kid who could really skate backwards well.

00:32:32.000 So the coach was like, you're on defense.

00:32:34.000 I'm like, I'm 115 pounds.

00:32:37.000 So he taught me how to check.

00:32:38.000 Instead of usually a check with your shoulder or your hip, he taught me how to check guys under the chin with the top of my head, which I got good at.

00:32:47.000 And then I did it one time and just click.

00:32:49.000 And I got an x-ray and they're like, yeah, that's chipped.

00:32:55.000 There's nothing we can do about it.

00:32:55.000 And to this day, my tendons will get caught in my neck on that chip and it'll just lock up.

00:33:03.000 Like once a year it'll lock up for a couple days on me.

00:33:06.000 Like the tendons rub against that area?

00:33:08.000 What if it's tendons or ligaments or whatever is right there around your vertebrae? 1.00

00:33:13.000 Fucking necks, dude. 1.00

00:33:14.000 Necks are terrible. 1.00

00:33:15.000 It's such a terrible thing to injure.

00:33:17.000 Are there good exercises for neck?

00:33:21.000 Yeah, I have a thing called the iron neck.

00:33:22.000 Have you ever heard of it?

00:33:23.000 No. 0.99

00:33:23.000 Oh, it's fucking amazing. 0.99

00:33:24.000 It's out there. 0.95

00:33:25.000 I'll show it to you after the...

00:33:26.000 So, it's a halo.

00:33:27.000 I put it on my head, and then I pump it up with air, and the air locks it in place, and there's a giant bungee cord that's on the end of it.

00:33:33.000 And I pull it back, and the bungee cord is a 50-pound resistance, but they make it lower.

00:33:37.000 They make, like, several different weights of bungee cords.

00:33:40.000 You pull it back until it's, like, fully pulled, and then you can adjust the resistance on the halo itself.

00:33:46.000 And so you do these, like, as you got it pulled back, you turn, like...

00:33:51.000 And then I turn sideways and I do like 10 reps this way.

00:33:54.000 And then I'll do sideways that way.

00:33:55.000 And then I'll turn all the way behind and face the opposite direction and do 10 reps that way.

00:33:59.000 That's amazing.

00:34:00.000 Yeah, and then you do Stevie Wonder's where you do like this.

00:34:02.000 And you do a bunch of different exercises. 1.00

00:34:04.000 Can you imagine getting a girl to suck your dick with that thing on? 1.00

00:34:08.000 Like she would wear it? 1.00

00:34:09.000 She would wear it.

00:34:11.000 Why would that be good?

00:34:13.000 Because the cord would be in the way? 0.93

00:34:15.000 No, you run the cord between your legs.

00:34:18.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00

00:34:19.000 And then you put your penis in her mouth. 1.00

00:34:21.000 Yeah, but your dick is going to rub up against the cord. 1.00

00:34:23.000 I don't understand why you want to do that. 0.99

00:34:25.000 That's the thing right there.

00:34:26.000 Oh, I see.

00:34:27.000 I got two of those.

00:34:28.000 I bought one for my house, too. 0.98

00:34:29.000 I fucking love it. 0.99

00:34:30.000 Wow. 0.99

00:34:31.000 I love it.

00:34:32.000 For jujitsu, it's so important. 0.99

00:34:34.000 My neck got fucked up in jujitsu. 0.99

00:34:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:36.000 Where I was... 0.99

00:34:39.000 I was getting numb hands.

00:34:40.000 I had a bulging disc in my neck.

00:34:43.000 I think a lot of it came down to my neck just getting too much abuse and not being strong enough.

00:34:48.000 So I love that thing.

00:34:50.000 Yeah, that's why I've never done jujitsu. 0.99

00:34:52.000 I've wanted to, but I know my neck could get fucked up immediately. 0.98

00:34:55.000 Everything gets fucked up, but it's fun. 0.99

00:34:57.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:34:57.000 It's awesome. 0.98

00:34:58.000 It's like, your body's not going to make it.

00:35:00.000 Yeah.

00:35:01.000 It's like, how much abuse do you want to give it before it breaks totally?

00:35:04.000 Right.

00:35:05.000 It's a good question.

00:35:06.000 Yeah.

00:35:06.000 You know?

00:35:07.000 I mean, Anthony Bourdain, that fucking savage, 58 years old, starts doing jujitsu. 1.00

00:35:12.000 Started. 1.00

00:35:13.000 No shit. 1.00

00:35:14.000 Started. 1.00

00:35:14.000 Wow, he's a badass. 1.00

00:35:15.000 He's a maniac. 0.95

00:35:16.000 Has he been on the show? 0.98

00:35:17.000 Yeah, a long time ago. 0.96

00:35:18.000 We always talk about doing it again, but he travels so fucking much, man. 0.78

00:35:24.000 That guy's everywhere. 0.91

00:35:25.000 I mean, literally everywhere.

00:35:27.000 I love that show.

00:35:28.000 When I'm on the road, sometimes CNN will run a marathon in his shows.

00:35:32.000 I'll just sit there and watch everyone.

00:35:33.000 Even when he's in the U.S., it's always interesting.

00:35:36.000 He'll find a pocket of Cajun people that have 78 people in the family and they make this special kind of jambalaya.

00:35:44.000 Yeah, he found his thing.

00:35:48.000 He really did find his thing.

00:35:50.000 Was he a musician before?

00:35:51.000 What did he do?

00:35:52.000 He's a chef.

00:35:52.000 Oh, he's a chef.

00:35:53.000 Yeah, he's a chef and he wrote a book called Kitchen Confidential.

00:35:56.000 It was a really good book.

00:35:57.000 And then after the book became successful, he started doing a show on the Travel Channel.

00:36:03.000 I think it might have even been called Kitchen Confidential.

00:36:06.000 Then he did another show that was called No Reservations.

00:36:09.000 And that's where I met him.

00:36:10.000 I met him when he was still doing No Reservations.

00:36:12.000 He did my show back when I used to do it in my house.

00:36:16.000 And then I did his show.

00:36:18.000 I did it recently, too.

00:36:20.000 I did it recently in Montana.

00:36:21.000 We went pheasant hunting. 1.00

00:36:23.000 No shit! 1.00

00:36:23.000 Yeah, it was pretty cool. 1.00

00:36:24.000 Oh, wow.

00:36:25.000 Yeah, it was awesome.

00:36:26.000 Did he ever run in with drugs?

00:36:28.000 He was a serious heroin addict.

00:36:30.000 That's what I thought. 0.77

00:36:31.000 Yeah.

00:36:32.000 But he kicked the heroin and still drinks the smoked pot.

00:36:34.000 Still drinks!

00:36:34.000 I know, that's amazing!

00:36:36.000 Yeah.

00:36:36.000 Well, he's...

00:36:37.000 I mean, he figured out how to do it.

00:36:39.000 Yeah.

00:36:39.000 But he works out every day.

00:36:41.000 Yeah.

00:36:42.000 He trains every day.

00:36:43.000 I mean, he brings his jiu-jitsu gi with him everywhere he goes.

00:36:45.000 He goes on the road.

00:36:46.000 Like, when we were in Montana, he went to...

00:36:48.000 We were outside of Bozeman, I think.

00:36:54.000 Somewhere outside of Bozeman.

00:36:55.000 So he found a jiu-jitsu club in Bozeman and met them and just went there and trained with them during the day. 1.00

00:37:00.000 I was like, you're a fucking animal. 1.00

00:37:01.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:37:01.000 He's just addicted to it. 1.00

00:37:03.000 He goes to, like...

00:37:04.000 He was in Croatia.

00:37:05.000 You told me it was in, like...

00:37:29.000 That's amazing.

00:37:30.000 But he's at an age where a lot of people would back off.

00:37:35.000 They would think, oh, my body's frail.

00:37:37.000 I'm going to ride this off in the sunset. 1.00

00:37:38.000 He's like, fuck you. 1.00

00:37:40.000 Well, all exercise is really sublimating pain on some level. 1.00

00:37:45.000 I mean, even a light jog, you are in pain.

00:37:48.000 And so you don't have to do it.

00:37:50.000 I think you're doing it wrong.

00:37:51.000 Oh, I'm always in pain.

00:37:54.000 Are you really?

00:37:55.000 I feel like when I jog, I feel like, I feel afraid I'm gonna die.

00:38:00.000 And I think when people see me jogging, they think I'm running from something.

00:38:05.000 Like I'm scared.

00:38:07.000 Like, that's the panic on my face.

00:38:09.000 What hurts?

00:38:09.000 My back.

00:38:10.000 I think the neck settled into my back.

00:38:13.000 And I have slight scoliosis.

00:38:16.000 And then my wrists and ankles, for some reason, about a year ago, started to get sore.

00:38:21.000 Like, I can't do push-ups anymore.

00:38:23.000 I had to buy those grips that you put on the ground because I can't put my hands flat.

00:38:28.000 What part hurts?

00:38:29.000 The whole wrist.

00:38:30.000 All the ligaments in the wrist hurt.

00:38:33.000 Hmm, and they hurt.

00:38:34.000 Is it an overuse thing?

00:38:36.000 Like it hurt from?

00:38:37.000 No, because it's both of them.

00:38:39.000 I don't know what I could have been doing with both of them.

00:38:41.000 Have you tried doing it since you cut bread and everything out of your diet?

00:38:45.000 I think it probably is better.

00:38:47.000 It is better.

00:38:47.000 I bet it is.

00:38:48.000 Yeah.

00:38:49.000 That's the first thing a therapist told me.

00:38:50.000 Physical therapist, not a mental therapist, like, cut bread out.

00:38:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:54.000 You got mental problems. 1.00

00:38:56.000 No, a physical therapist told me, she was like, you'd be surprised if you cut bread out of your diet. 0.95

00:39:01.000 Just inflammation?

00:39:02.000 Just inflammation.

00:39:03.000 How much your back would feel better and your neck would feel better.

00:39:05.000 Right. 0.97

00:39:06.000 I thought it was 100% horseshit. 0.99

00:39:08.000 I was like, oh, this is like hippie chiropractor talk. 0.99

00:39:11.000 Good luck.

00:39:12.000 And then I did it.

00:39:13.000 And I was like, oh.

00:39:15.000 Like, everything feels better.

00:39:16.000 You don't realize that, like...

00:39:18.000 That puffy feeling that you get in your face.

00:39:21.000 I get fat face if I eat too much bread and pasta.

00:39:26.000 You start getting a little gut.

00:39:28.000 But that's also in your joints, man.

00:39:30.000 That's everywhere.

00:39:31.000 Everything's inflamed.

00:39:32.000 It's all not good. 1.00

00:39:34.000 Your body's like, what is this shit? 1.00

00:39:36.000 And how do we get rid of this? 1.00

00:39:37.000 It's fucking hard on the road not to eat bread, though. 0.97

00:39:40.000 It's so hard to find a meal that doesn't have bread in it. 0.98

00:39:42.000 Unless you want to eat, like, you know, some salad from Starbucks. 0.99

00:39:47.000 Some uninspired salad that was made by somebody with a hairnet that was also making, like, stale fucking, stale-tasting muffins. 0.99

00:39:55.000 They come out of the oven, they're already stale-tasting. 0.99

00:39:58.000 I was at a Starbucks recently, and there was a plate out with, you know, they put the muffin pieces while you're waiting.

00:40:05.000 Yeah.

00:40:05.000 And so I eat more than I should.

00:40:07.000 You know, you should probably just have one, I think, as the protocol.

00:40:10.000 And I have like three of them.

00:40:11.000 And this woman comes up, she goes, Why are you eating my muffin? 0.99

00:40:16.000 Yeah.

00:40:18.000 It was hers?

00:40:19.000 Yes!

00:40:20.000 And I go, I'm so sorry.

00:40:23.000 I go, let me buy you another muffin.

00:40:25.000 And instead of going, no, don't worry about it, she was like, yeah.

00:40:28.000 So I bought her another muffin.

00:40:29.000 And she wasn't really laughing about it or anything.

00:40:32.000 She was, yeah.

00:40:34.000 That's hilarious.

00:40:36.000 Yeah, when you were saying that, I was like, I don't know that they do that. 0.99

00:40:39.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 0.99

00:40:40.000 Coffee shops always do that. 1.00

00:40:44.000 But not Starbucks.

00:40:45.000 Yeah.

00:40:46.000 But why was their muffin chopped up into little pieces?

00:40:48.000 That seems weird, too.

00:40:50.000 It was crummy.

00:40:51.000 It was, you know, kind of pulled apart crummy.

00:40:54.000 Hmm.

00:40:55.000 Yeah.

00:40:56.000 Okay.

00:40:57.000 Seems weird.

00:40:58.000 Have you ever gone to Cat's Deli in New York?

00:41:02.000 Sure.

00:41:03.000 Remember when they cut the pastrami for you?

00:41:05.000 Yeah.

00:41:06.000 And the corned beef and they give you a little piece? 1.00

00:41:08.000 And you're like, holy shit. 0.99

00:41:10.000 Like, while you're waiting, they chop it up and slide it forward on a plate. 0.99

00:41:13.000 Best pastrami in the city.

00:41:14.000 Yeah, we just looked it up the other day.

00:41:16.000 That place started out in the 1800s. 0.99

00:41:18.000 No shit. 1.00

00:41:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:19.000 Wow.

00:41:20.000 Yeah, Largo was a half a block away.

00:41:21.000 So you stand up there and I always stop and get a pastrami sandwich.

00:41:24.000 There was a Largo in New York?

00:41:25.000 Oh, no, Luna Lounge, it was called.

00:41:27.000 Oh, okay.

00:41:28.000 Yeah, there's no place like that here except Cantor's.

00:41:32.000 Cantor's is alright.

00:41:34.000 I find their pastrami just doesn't have that tenderness.

00:41:41.000 Second Avenue Deli in New York?

00:41:44.000 Never been, I don't think.

00:41:45.000 That's the best.

00:41:46.000 Really?

00:41:46.000 That and Katz's is the best, yeah.

00:41:47.000 Yeah, I think Cantor's is good.

00:41:49.000 I think it's the best in L.A. I do too.

00:41:52.000 I just don't think it's that good.

00:41:54.000 Well, it's hard to get those immigrants to come all the way across and settle in and be successful out here and have like a real spot. 1.00

00:42:02.000 Right.

00:42:03.000 But there's a lot of Jewish people out here.

00:42:05.000 You'd think there'd be more.

00:42:06.000 Like Jerry's Deli is good middle of the road.

00:42:09.000 Yeah.

00:42:09.000 They have good chicken noodle soup.

00:42:10.000 Right.

00:42:18.000 Yeah, right.

00:42:33.000 No, that place, was it Carmine's?

00:42:36.000 Or Arturo's?

00:42:37.000 It was a place on Mulberry Street that was the oldest Italian restaurant in Little Italy, and it just burned down.

00:42:44.000 Dude, I remember when you lived in Little Italy in a mob-owned building.

00:42:47.000 That's right!

00:42:48.000 Yeah!

00:42:48.000 Tony and Gladys were my landlords.

00:42:50.000 That's right.

00:42:51.000 And they had...

00:42:53.000 They'd had the apartment.

00:42:54.000 They raised their kids there.

00:42:55.000 Wow.

00:42:55.000 And they were like in their late 70s.

00:42:58.000 And so their son Gregory, who is in construction and lived in Brooklyn now.

00:43:06.000 Air quotes?

00:43:06.000 Construction?

00:43:07.000 Yeah, he's in construction.

00:43:07.000 And so he bought them a condo around the corner because it was a six-floor walk-up.

00:43:13.000 Wow.

00:43:14.000 And so you can pull it up on the screen, 142 Mulberry Street.

00:43:16.000 Explain to people that don't know what that means.

00:43:18.000 That means you walk up six flights of stairs. 0.99

00:43:20.000 Yeah, like with couches and shit. 0.98

00:43:22.000 Yeah, right, right. 0.98

00:43:23.000 Well, all their furniture was there when I got there.

00:43:26.000 They let me keep, and it was, I'm not making this up, plastic on the furniture.

00:43:29.000 And I found a phone eavesdropping thing, like where you could record phone calls.

00:43:36.000 What?

00:43:37.000 In the drawer.

00:43:38.000 And I used to pay them the rent once a month, not by check.

00:43:43.000 They wanted cash.

00:43:45.000 And it was George McDonald who lived with me.

00:43:47.000 And we would walk down the street to Spring Street, go to their condo, and we'd give them, if it was $600, we'd give that to Gladys and Tony.

00:43:59.000 Look at it, right there.

00:44:00.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:44:00.000 And they would make cappuccinos and cannolis, and we'd sit there and talk to them.

00:44:04.000 And then Tony would go in the next room, and we'd give Gladys another $150, because that was her bingo money.

00:44:10.000 And Tony don't need to know about that.

00:44:12.000 Oh, that's right.

00:44:13.000 That's right.

00:44:14.000 I remember that.

00:44:15.000 What happened to Lauren Dabrowski? 1.00

00:44:17.000 She passed away.

00:44:18.000 No.

00:44:19.000 Cancer.

00:44:19.000 Oh, that's right.

00:44:20.000 Yeah, she ended up as a big executive producer at MADtv for like 10 years.

00:44:25.000 Really?

00:44:25.000 Yeah, you know, Bobby Lee, she sponsored a lot of people to get sober.

00:44:30.000 I mean, I know a half a dozen people that she sponsored to get sober. 1.00

00:44:34.000 Bobby Lee is one of them.

00:44:35.000 She was on a comedy team with...

00:44:38.000 Yeah, A Couple of Broads?

00:44:41.000 I don't remember what their name was.

00:44:43.000 I think it was called A Couple of Broads.

00:44:44.000 And who was the...

00:44:45.000 Oh, the other one was...

00:44:47.000 Oh, what was her name? 1.00

00:44:49.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:44:50.000 Rick Jenkins used to date her. 1.00

00:44:52.000 Yes, and she ended up doing a film. 0.97

00:44:55.000 She moved out to Hollywood to make it, and about a year and a half later, this softcore porn came out with her in it, and she had the sickest body. 0.99

00:45:04.000 Smoking. 0.92

00:45:05.000 And that was a VHS tape that got passed around that was covered in DNA. Yeah.

00:45:17.000 But Lauren was a really sweet, special person.

00:45:20.000 She was great.

00:45:21.000 Yeah, she's a very nice person.

00:45:23.000 That's right.

00:45:23.000 I forgot that she passed away.

00:45:24.000 I never ran into her.

00:45:26.000 I ran into her once.

00:45:28.000 Out here.

00:45:28.000 A long time ago.

00:45:30.000 More than 15, 16 years ago.

00:45:33.000 Yeah.

00:45:35.000 There is those comics that are...

00:45:38.000 Like Colin Quinn is one of them where they have saved so many comics in trouble.

00:45:42.000 It's amazing.

00:45:43.000 Has he?

00:45:44.000 Colin has?

00:45:44.000 He's a great guy.

00:45:46.000 Yeah, he helped...

00:45:47.000 Well, tried to help Geraldo.

00:45:49.000 I shouldn't name people's names if it's programmed stuff.

00:45:52.000 Well, some people are open about it.

00:45:54.000 Yeah.

00:45:55.000 I think all comics are. 1.00

00:45:58.000 It becomes a part of your fucking act. 0.99

00:45:59.000 Right, right. 1.00

00:46:00.000 Who gets sober and doesn't start talking about it?

00:46:03.000 Yeah.

00:46:03.000 That's like, Jesus Christ, why wouldn't you mind that?

00:46:06.000 I think a lot of comics start in AA rooms.

00:46:09.000 They get up and they qualify, which is when you speak in an AA room and they get laughs.

00:46:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:14.000 Remember Dave?

00:46:15.000 Right. 0.99

00:46:15.000 Dave had a fucking one great joke. 0.99

00:46:18.000 I remember this one great joke. 0.99

00:46:21.000 That he had about being in Catholic school, and he did something wrong, and the priest smacked him in the head, and he goes, which is exactly how I think Jesus would handle it.

00:46:35.000 And he just had this method of delivery.

00:46:39.000 He was just a funny guy.

00:46:41.000 He was one of those guys.

00:46:42.000 You saw him on stage.

00:46:43.000 You go, this guy's going to be funny.

00:46:45.000 Oh, I mean, it's amazing.

00:46:48.000 Some people, the deck is loaded.

00:46:50.000 You walk on stage, he has this gravelly voice and this big square head.

00:46:55.000 And he just said, yeah, with that thick, I think he was from East Boston, that thick accent. 1.00

00:47:01.000 And he was a fucking mailman. 0.99

00:47:03.000 He was like a real blue-collar guy. 1.00

00:47:04.000 And a lifetime of stories.

00:47:07.000 Yeah.

00:47:07.000 And he's a guy who became a pro real quick.

00:47:09.000 Yes.

00:47:10.000 I remember being real impressed with him, because he was a little bit ahead of me.

00:47:14.000 I was starting out as an open miker, and he was maybe a year ahead, and he was starting to get work. 0.98

00:47:22.000 And I'm like, this guy fucking took it seriously. 0.98

00:47:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:47:25.000 Because he was older.

00:47:26.000 I think he was like 40 when he was getting started.

00:47:29.000 Right.

00:47:29.000 And so he had his notebook and he was like really organized with his bits and he had like some philosophy about like why he would take a pause and why he would rush this part and where he would take that part.

00:47:41.000 And I was like, this guy's putting a lot of thought and effort into this.

00:47:45.000 I remember going down to see Paula Poundstone perform at the Comedy Connection and he was the feature act.

00:47:51.000 And he went up and as a feature got a standing ovation. 0.99

00:47:54.000 I was like, holy shit. 0.99

00:47:56.000 That doesn't happen. 1.00

00:47:58.000 No, he was good.

00:47:59.000 He got sick.

00:48:00.000 He got sick and died as well.

00:48:01.000 Yeah, right.

00:48:02.000 And I think there's just a lifetime of drugs and alcohol just caught up to him, unfortunately. 0.97

00:48:08.000 And right when he was getting his shit together, there were so many of those guys. 0.84

00:48:14.000 I mean, how many guys did we start out with that were alcoholics or former alcoholics? 0.96

00:48:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:19.000 Fucking everybody. 1.00

00:48:20.000 All of them. 0.99

00:48:21.000 Yeah, and that was the thing about when you were an opener in Boston, it was like, the criteria were, are you funny enough to cover 15 minutes to open?

00:48:30.000 Number two, do you have a functioning automobile that you can take these DUI headliners to the gig with?

00:48:36.000 Because none of them had licenses.

00:48:38.000 And so I can remember picking up Gavin, picking up Sweeney, picking up Mike McDonald, and having to drive these guys out to wherever.

00:48:46.000 And then you couldn't leave early because you were driving them home.

00:48:49.000 They'd give you a few bucks for gas.

00:48:50.000 And you were happy to do it. 0.99

00:48:51.000 You're like, holy shit, I'm going to be in a car with Don. 0.91

00:48:53.000 And so one time Nick's Comedy Stop called me up and they're like, you're working in Framingham. 0.98

00:48:58.000 You've got to drive the feature and the headliner out.

00:49:01.000 And I go downtown to pick them up in front of Nick's.

00:49:04.000 And I've got a 1976 Volkswagen Rabbit, four-cylinder, rusted-out floorboards, and I get down there, and it's Mike Sullivan Irwin, who weighed about 300 pounds, and John Panette, who was about 275. And they saw my car,

00:49:22.000 and they both started giggling like schoolgirls, like, we're gonna fucking go to a gig in this car! 0.96

00:49:27.000 So we packed them in, and I couldn't get the car going above, like, 40. So instead of taking the Mass Pike out west of Framingham, I had to take Route 9 the whole way. 0.97

00:49:39.000 You couldn't get it past 40?

00:49:40.000 I couldn't get it past 40 miles an hour!

00:49:42.000 That's hilarious.

00:49:43.000 Like you're carrying lumber on the roof. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Fucking 800 pounds of humans in my car. 1.00

00:49:50.000 I remember Mike Sullivan. 1.00

00:49:52.000 I remember when he was Mike Sullivan and they became Mike Sullivan Irvin.

00:49:55.000 He's the first guy that I ever met that took his wife's last name.

00:49:58.000 Is that why?

00:49:59.000 Yeah.

00:50:00.000 He was a feminist.

00:50:01.000 Wow.

00:50:01.000 He was the first male feminist, self-proclaimed male feminist that I ever met too.

00:50:06.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:50:07.000 Very nice guy.

00:50:08.000 Yeah.

00:50:09.000 Sweetheart.

00:50:09.000 Super sweetheart of a guy.

00:50:11.000 And that didn't work.

00:50:14.000 He stopped doing comedy, right?

00:50:15.000 I think he died.

00:50:16.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:50:17.000 This is a bummer podcast.

00:50:18.000 It's a bummer of a podcast.

00:50:20.000 I think he died as well.

00:50:20.000 And Jon Panette died as well.

00:50:22.000 Died as well, yeah.

00:50:24.000 Yeah, that's why I'm glad you're doing cardio.

00:50:27.000 That's right. 0.99

00:50:29.000 Well, you know, I'm 51 and my dad died at 51 of a heart attack, so I take that shit seriously. 0.99

00:50:35.000 Eating right and exercising. 0.99

00:50:37.000 I mean, he also smoked three and a half packs a day and was an alcoholic, so it was different circumstances. 0.99

00:50:43.000 It is crazy how much of that shit is genetic, you know? 0.99

00:50:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:45.000 And I've always admired that you figured out when we were really young. 0.99

00:50:49.000 I mean, when I met you, you quit.

00:50:51.000 And, you know, we were both in our early 20s.

00:50:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:55.000 And you were like, fuck this. 1.00

00:50:56.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:56.000 I'm not going down that road. 1.00

00:50:58.000 And you didn't need anything.

00:50:59.000 You didn't need Alcoholics Anonymous.

00:51:01.000 You're like, no, I'm not doing it.

00:51:04.000 I did some therapy.

00:51:05.000 That helped.

00:51:06.000 I just needed to realize that once I realized...

00:51:10.000 And I had gone to Al-Anon because of my dad, adult child of alcoholic meetings, which helped me a phenomenal amount just to realize that it's a disease and that, you know, you're powerless to it.

00:51:22.000 And that, for me, I was able to apply what I learned in there.

00:51:26.000 Because I went to a couple AA meetings, and in Boston it was like, guys would get up and they were like... 0.99

00:51:30.000 And then I blew a guy for a sandwich and I passed out the fucking dump. 0.99

00:51:35.000 You know, it's like I couldn't relate. 1.00

00:51:37.000 I mean, my thing was like I fucked a fat chick. 1.00

00:51:39.000 You know, that was my bottom. 1.00

00:51:40.000 I had a three-way with a couple girls who were, you know, as fat as John Panette. 1.00

00:51:45.000 And so I could, but I read the literature of the 12 Steps and it helped me because it made me realize that when I wanted a drink, something was going on.

00:51:55.000 And to this day, I just have that reaction.

00:51:58.000 I know that I still want to drink all the time, but when I really want to drink, I stop and I go, alright, what's stressing you out?

00:52:05.000 What do you need to deal with?

00:52:06.000 And then I just kind of focus on it.

00:52:07.000 Yeah.

00:52:09.000 Yeah, there was, when I was a kid, my dad was an architect, and so I worked on a lot of construction sites.

00:52:16.000 And I met a lot of junkies.

00:52:18.000 A lot of junkies.

00:52:19.000 A lot of people on construction sites are either alcoholics or drug addicts.

00:52:24.000 And there was this one guy that I really liked.

00:52:26.000 He was a funny guy, man.

00:52:28.000 Really funny guy, and he was in a band.

00:52:30.000 His name was Robbie. 0.99

00:52:31.000 Funny fucking dude. 0.99

00:52:32.000 Loved hanging around with him. 1.00

00:52:33.000 But just couldn't stay off the coke.

00:52:37.000 Couldn't stay off the coke.

00:52:38.000 And you could totally tell.

00:52:40.000 And he'd be honest about it too.

00:52:42.000 See how he went off the rails.

00:52:44.000 And we would be working together.

00:52:47.000 He was a carpenter and I was a laborer.

00:52:50.000 So I was like an apprentice.

00:52:52.000 And so he'd be, you know, talking to me while he's explaining to me how to do things and stuff like that.

00:52:56.000 And he's like, yeah, you know, I'm just fucking tired of this. 0.98

00:52:59.000 I'm getting my shit together. 0.96

00:53:00.000 The band's getting back together again. 0.93

00:53:02.000 We're writing songs and this and that.

00:53:03.000 And then... 1.00

00:53:04.000 He'd come in Monday looking like shit. 1.00

00:53:07.000 Just looking like shit. 1.00

00:53:09.000 Real grumpy. 1.00

00:53:10.000 Didn't want to talk.

00:53:11.000 Had a headache.

00:53:12.000 Yeah.

00:53:13.000 And he didn't admit it.

00:53:14.000 Went off the rails.

00:53:16.000 The saddest thing is that when you first start doing drugs, and I don't know about you, but I had a phenomenal time doing cocaine.

00:53:24.000 Mushrooms and all the stuff I did as a teenager was like, I never got hooked on it.

00:53:29.000 And if you do it, maybe I did coke 50 times.

00:53:34.000 Without ever getting hooked, it's a blast.

00:53:36.000 That's the best kept secret.

00:53:38.000 But then once you get hooked, you're not even having fun anymore.

00:53:42.000 You're just maintaining.

00:53:44.000 You're just feeding it so you don't crash.

00:53:46.000 You know, with heroin, you're just trying to avoid withdrawals.

00:53:49.000 You're not even feeling that great anymore.

00:53:52.000 I think with Robbie too, part of the problem was he was very disappointed in himself.

00:53:57.000 Yeah.

00:53:57.000 You know, it was booze too.

00:53:59.000 He would just go off the rails and try to keep it together.

00:54:02.000 You know, it's like...

00:54:04.000 There's a lot of people out there that they have a dream, and then the pressure of trying to reach that dream, like his dream is to be in a successful band, right?

00:54:12.000 And the pressure of trying to reach that dream and see it to fruition, it seems unreachable.

00:54:17.000 It seems too far off. 0.77

00:54:19.000 And here you are, you're in your 30s, and you're working a construction job, and you know, you fucking work all day in Boston in the winter. 0.99

00:54:28.000 You're tired as shit when you get home. 0.99

00:54:30.000 You don't want to go to band practice. 0.99

00:54:32.000 You get home at 6.30, you have dinner, and now it's 7.30.

00:54:35.000 You gotta get up.

00:54:37.000 You gotta get up in a few hours.

00:54:38.000 What are you doing?

00:54:39.000 When are you going to bed?

00:54:40.000 You gotta get up at 6. Then you go to band practice and the drummer doesn't show up so you can't practice.

00:54:45.000 He's 45 minutes late, his car breaks down, and you're fucking pissed, and your girlfriend's screaming at you. 0.98

00:54:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:53.000 Then try to have a relationship on top of that.

00:54:54.000 Tell that girl you can't go out on Saturday night ever because you're doing gigs.

00:54:59.000 And then the gigs suck and you're not making any money and they're like, you should get a job. 0.97

00:55:03.000 The gigs suck. 0.96

00:55:05.000 You should get a job. 0.98

00:55:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:07.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:55:07.000 And then you're in a band so girls are throwing themselves at you. 1.00

00:55:10.000 You have an affair.

00:55:10.000 She's got some coke.

00:55:12.000 Now it's good.

00:55:13.000 Now the story turned around.

00:55:14.000 I turned it around.

00:55:15.000 Now it's exciting again.

00:55:18.000 Born to the wild. 0.97

00:55:23.000 Sometimes when I work a casino, there'll always be that band in the lounge that's playing like Born to Be Wild and all those songs and like you'll see people that are like 57 dancing and you see them and they're dancing and it's like they're just reliving the only joy they had in their life which was like when they were young dancing to rock and this band is fucking they're gods to them.

00:55:49.000 The time when you're young, when you're having fun, is so fleeting.

00:55:54.000 Yeah.

00:55:56.000 Then all of a sudden responsibilities stack up.

00:55:58.000 All of a sudden, you know, you have to pay bills.

00:56:01.000 You have obligations.

00:56:03.000 You have so much that you have to think about.

00:56:06.000 Yeah.

00:56:07.000 For so many people, there's just...

00:56:09.000 There's this period of their life where they look back to whimsically, like, that was the time when I was free. 0.99

00:56:16.000 I was young and my dick got hard all the time. 0.99

00:56:22.000 I could go two or three times. 0.99

00:56:24.000 Three times in a night. 1.00

00:56:26.000 Shit! 1.00

00:56:27.000 You're wild, man. 1.00

00:56:27.000 I can't believe it. 1.00

00:56:28.000 And you think anything is possible.

00:56:31.000 Anything can happen.

00:56:32.000 That's the loss of innocence is when you realize at a certain point that you do have to pick a path and stay on it.

00:56:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:56:39.000 You better.

00:56:39.000 Because you've got to pay the bills with it.

00:56:41.000 And what's so sad is you see people that work so fucking hard for not a lot of money.

00:56:48.000 And, you know, bills just add up.

00:56:49.000 And then they save just enough when they get their vacation twice a year.

00:56:53.000 They'll go to, like, a cruise.

00:56:56.000 And they'll just drink nonstop for a week.

00:56:59.000 And at the end of it, they're just hungover.

00:57:01.000 They blew the excess money they had.

00:57:03.000 And that was it?

00:57:04.000 That's what you worked all year for?

00:57:06.000 I had a friend of mine who worked in a restaurant, and one of the guys he worked with saved up his money for eight years.

00:57:13.000 Went to Vegas and blew it in one day.

00:57:19.000 God.

00:57:20.000 It was the most heartbreaking story.

00:57:22.000 This poor guy, I think he was a dishwasher, and he worked there for eight years.

00:57:28.000 Set aside, 50 here, 25 there. 0.99

00:57:32.000 Set aside for eight fucking years. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:35.000 And I think it was some good amount of money, like $30,000. 0.99

00:57:39.000 Shit. 1.00

00:57:40.000 Went there with a plan. 1.00

00:57:41.000 This is it, baby!

00:57:43.000 I'm good at blackjack! 1.00

00:57:44.000 Or whatever the fuck he played. 1.00

00:57:45.000 He read a book. 1.00

00:57:47.000 A lot of guys read books.

00:57:48.000 Mm-hmm.

00:57:49.000 You can win money.

00:57:50.000 You can win money playing blackjack, but... 0.98

00:57:52.000 You know what's fucked up? 0.96

00:57:53.000 When you do... 0.97

00:57:54.000 If you get good at it, they ban you.

00:57:57.000 I know.

00:57:58.000 It's crazy.

00:57:59.000 What?!

00:57:59.000 Yeah.

00:58:00.000 The other crazy thing is, in Blackjack, there's multi-deck and there's single-deck Blackjack.

00:58:07.000 And the payout on single-deck is less.

00:58:10.000 Instead of three to two odds, you get paid like...

00:58:13.000 I forget what it is, but you get less of a payout when you hit Blackjack.

00:58:17.000 And the rules are more restrictive about splitting aces and all that stuff.

00:58:21.000 So the implication is...

00:58:25.000 With a single deck, you can count cards.

00:58:27.000 That's why they pay you less.

00:58:29.000 Right.

00:58:29.000 But, if you get caught counting cards, you get thrown out of the casino.

00:58:32.000 How the fuck do they catch you counting cards? 0.92

00:58:34.000 And isn't it normal that you are using strategy to try to win the game? 0.99

00:58:40.000 It's crazy.

00:58:41.000 Like, you can't try so hard.

00:58:43.000 Right.

00:58:43.000 That's like if you're playing pool and you aim.

00:58:45.000 I call you aiming.

00:58:47.000 Or when they don't let you use drugs in sports.

00:58:50.000 Steroids, man!

00:58:50.000 They make you better!

00:58:52.000 They definitely make you better. 1.00

00:58:52.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:58:53.000 Why should we not have drugs in sports? 1.00

00:58:55.000 Well, because they're bad for your body and because you don't want the children to get the wrong message.

00:59:00.000 You're right.

00:59:01.000 Cheating and drugs are the only way to win.

00:59:02.000 Yeah.

00:59:03.000 I think there should be a supernatural league and a natural league.

00:59:07.000 I like it. 0.99

00:59:08.000 Supernaturally, you just get one of those fucking Russian guys from that Icarus documentary, and you just, what do you got, baby? 1.00

00:59:15.000 Let's do this shit. 1.00

00:59:17.000 And you find out what happens. 1.00

00:59:18.000 The problem is, Legitimately, if you do go whole hog and take the fucking full steroid route, you're definitely redlining your body. 0.99

00:59:30.000 You're doing some shit to your body that your endocrine system is going to shut down. 0.98

00:59:33.000 You're putting ungodly stress on all sorts of parts of your body because the workload that your body's putting out is just superhuman. 0.99

00:59:41.000 Yeah.

00:59:42.000 But for those brief shining moments, you can absolutely perform better.

00:59:48.000 Well, and that's what it's about.

00:59:49.000 And as a viewer, I want to see them run faster and hit harder and jump higher.

00:59:55.000 And honestly, they're jocks.

00:59:58.000 This is what they were bred to do.

00:59:59.000 They are the jock class.

01:00:01.000 They did it their whole lives.

01:00:03.000 They dreamed of the shining moment.

01:00:05.000 Let them have their shining moment.

01:00:08.000 Right, but what about the natural athletes?

01:00:10.000 What about the Herschel Walkers out there that don't need it?

01:00:12.000 Right.

01:00:13.000 Well, they're in the other league. 1.00

01:00:15.000 Well, for them, they're like, well, you shouldn't be a fucking athlete. 0.99

01:00:18.000 You know? 1.00

01:00:18.000 I need it. 1.00

01:00:19.000 Right.

01:00:19.000 Or I don't need it.

01:00:20.000 You need it.

01:00:21.000 Yeah.

01:00:23.000 But I always wondered about those guys.

01:00:24.000 Are they being honest that they don't take it?

01:00:27.000 Herschel Walker, deep into his 40s, was claiming that he never took anything and that he only ate a bowl of soup and a salad a day. 0.99

01:00:36.000 No shit. 0.99

01:00:37.000 Doesn't make sense. 1.00

01:00:38.000 Oh, didn't his mother do the Campbell Soup commercial with him?

01:00:41.000 I don't know.

01:00:42.000 The thing about Herschel, though, is that he also has multiple personality disorder. 1.00

01:00:48.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

01:00:49.000 I think he has stress or trauma-induced multiple personality disorder. 1.00

01:00:57.000 Wow.

01:00:58.000 So, it's entirely possible that when he says, I only took a bowl of soup and a salad, he's telling the truth, but that's him.

01:01:05.000 There's like five other people that live inside his brain, and they've been eating steak all day, doing steroids.

01:01:09.000 Right.

01:01:10.000 I don't know.

01:01:11.000 That's fascinating.

01:01:12.000 What was the trauma, do you know?

01:01:14.000 Well, I think he had a really rough childhood.

01:01:18.000 There was a lot of psychological abuse, physical abuse, and then there was football abuse.

01:01:22.000 I think all those things.

01:01:23.000 I mean, there is no way you're getting out of football for free. 0.99

01:01:27.000 You're getting fucking hit hard. 0.99

01:01:29.000 And that's trauma. 1.00

01:01:30.000 So there's trauma, psychological trauma.

01:01:33.000 I don't know.

01:01:33.000 He's talked about it pretty openly, though.

01:01:35.000 But what's interesting is, even after all that, he still fought.

01:01:38.000 You know, he fought.

01:01:39.000 A lot of people don't know.

01:01:40.000 He fought in Strikeforce.

01:01:41.000 Oh, I didn't know that. 0.94

01:01:42.000 He beat the fuck out of some people, dude. 0.95

01:01:44.000 He's a legit martial artist. 1.00

01:01:45.000 No shit. 1.00

01:01:46.000 Dude! 1.00

01:01:46.000 He was in his 40s. 1.00

01:01:48.000 Like, 46 to 48, I believe, he fought in Strikeforce.

01:01:52.000 And when I say he was jacked, I mean...

01:01:58.000 Jacked.

01:01:58.000 Yeah.

01:01:58.000 Full six-pack, shredded, 46 years old, just manhandling lesser athletes and beating the fuck out of them.

01:02:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:02:06.000 In what? 0.98

01:02:07.000 Jiu-jitsu?

01:02:08.000 MMA. No shit. 1.00

01:02:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:10.000 He fought in Strikeforce.

01:02:11.000 Strikeforce was a league that the UFC wound up purchasing, and we took all their fighters and it came over.

01:02:16.000 And, you know, a lot of guys like Gilbert Melendez was a champ over there.

01:02:21.000 Josh Thompson, like real high-level fighters.

01:02:24.000 Luke Rockhold, they all came over from Strikeforce.

01:02:26.000 Mm-hmm.

01:02:26.000 Yeah, and Herschel Walker was over there, and a lot of people were, like, super skeptical.

01:02:32.000 Like, what is this, some freak show?

01:02:34.000 Yeah.

01:02:34.000 Herschel Walker's gonna fight?

01:02:35.000 Come on, man.

01:02:36.000 Herschel Walker's an old football player.

01:02:38.000 Yeah.

01:02:38.000 And then you see him, and you're like, Jesus!

01:02:41.000 Freak athlete. 0.50

01:02:42.000 Just a freak of nature.

01:02:43.000 So you think he must have been using steroids at that point?

01:02:46.000 No.

01:02:46.000 No, it's not.

01:02:47.000 Not must have.

01:02:48.000 No.

01:02:48.000 I mean, you always get suspicious when you see someone who's a freak.

01:02:51.000 But there are real freaks.

01:02:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:53.000 Like, just, like, John Holmes had a giant dick. 1.00

01:02:56.000 It didn't take steroids to have a giant dick. 1.00

01:02:57.000 He just had a giant dick. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Some girls have enormous tits. 1.00

01:03:00.000 Why? 1.00

01:03:01.000 I don't know.

01:03:01.000 They just do.

01:03:02.000 Like, there's no even body.

01:03:04.000 Like, there's no equality in physical construction.

01:03:08.000 Right.

01:03:08.000 And some people just get born with freak body parts.

01:03:11.000 Yeah.

01:03:12.000 And they just are.

01:03:14.000 There's athletes that are just way better than you will ever be no matter what you do.

01:03:18.000 Yeah.

01:03:19.000 I think Herschel Walker's unquestionably one of those.

01:03:22.000 It's just, how long did he maintain it?

01:03:24.000 I mean, I watched the Olympics and...

01:03:26.000 The curling? 0.98

01:03:28.000 You know, curling, the thing is, is it's not much to watch, but I would pay a lot of money to just fucking get high one day and curl. 0.98

01:03:37.000 Really? 0.79

01:03:37.000 How much? 0.79

01:03:38.000 What's a lot of money?

01:03:39.000 50 bucks?

01:03:39.000 Like a thousand dollars.

01:03:40.000 A thousand dollars?

01:03:40.000 I'd pay a thousand dollars to curl one day.

01:03:43.000 Why?

01:03:43.000 But, I mean, that's for all my friends.

01:03:45.000 It pays for the whole curling court.

01:03:47.000 Oh, okay, okay.

01:03:47.000 The whole day.

01:03:48.000 Everybody would get bored after, like, ten minutes.

01:03:49.000 I don't know!

01:03:50.000 Really?

01:03:51.000 I mean, I love games like that.

01:03:52.000 Like, I love ladder ball, you know, where there's, like, two sticks and it's got, like, a ladder that goes between it and it's got a ball with a rope between the two balls and you whip it.

01:04:01.000 Yeah.

01:04:01.000 I can play that for upwards of three or four hours.

01:04:04.000 We have it in the backyard.

01:04:05.000 Three or four hours?

01:04:06.000 Oh, non-stop.

01:04:07.000 I just get...

01:04:08.000 I get so competitive and so obsessed.

01:04:11.000 Horseshoes.

01:04:13.000 Bocce ball.

01:04:14.000 Horses are fun.

01:04:14.000 Yeah.

01:04:15.000 Yeah.

01:04:16.000 I don't know, man.

01:04:17.000 Just get into such a groove.

01:04:19.000 Like pool, right?

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:21.000 Yeah.

01:04:22.000 I mean, you and I have played pool for three hours easily.

01:04:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:25.000 Easily.

01:04:25.000 We could have today, if we didn't stop and do the podcast, we probably would have kept going.

01:04:29.000 Well, son, good luck to Sam Ohai today in the soccer playoffs.

01:04:33.000 Third round undefeated this year.

01:04:36.000 Do you like watching soccer?

01:04:38.000 I like watching it, but I love watching my son play.

01:04:43.000 There's few joys in the world like watching my son play soccer.

01:04:47.000 It's crazy, right?

01:04:47.000 You meet a little person.

01:04:48.000 He's out there running around.

01:04:49.000 Yeah, I know.

01:04:50.000 No matter how old your kid gets, you still see them as a little kid.

01:04:55.000 When you see them out there on the field, you see the size of the other guys and how aggressive they are. 0.98

01:05:00.000 You're like, holy shit, my little kid is in there holding his own, and he's a physical player. 0.96

01:05:06.000 And, you know, you get to know the parents and the kids, and it's like being a fan of a sport, but you actually know the players. 0.99

01:05:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:15.000 There's something also, I think, that's incredibly important for kids to learn how to compete.

01:05:21.000 And also learn what it feels like to lose and that bad feeling.

01:05:25.000 There's a lot of people that grew up and they were never involved in competitive sports.

01:05:29.000 They were never involved in any sort of competitive games.

01:05:32.000 And they just don't know what it's like to lose.

01:05:34.000 And I think that's a valuable lesson in life.

01:05:37.000 I think it teaches you a lot about rejection from...

01:05:44.000 I think it teaches you a lot about not getting the job that you want.

01:05:49.000 I think it teaches you a lot about real competition in the real world, and it gets you used to that weird feeling of competing at a young age, so it becomes normal.

01:05:59.000 Yeah.

01:05:59.000 Well, because I think there's a shame with being competitive these days because everything is so politically correct that you shouldn't be an alpha.

01:06:09.000 You shouldn't be aggressive.

01:06:10.000 You shouldn't try to beat somebody down.

01:06:13.000 And in sports, it gives you a safe place to realize that that's a part of our makeup.

01:06:17.000 That's a part of your whole psyche is to want to compete.

01:06:21.000 You want to challenge, you know, to be Darwinian.

01:06:23.000 And that there's a place to do it and there's a place to not do it.

01:06:28.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 Well, it's easier to find the place to not do it when you do it.

01:06:33.000 Right.

01:06:34.000 And this is the thing about jujitsu that I always try to explain to people.

01:06:38.000 Jujitsu practitioners are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. 1.00

01:06:42.000 And one of the reasons why is they get all that stupid shit out on the mats. 1.00

01:06:46.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:06:47.000 And they're tired all the time, too. 0.99

01:06:49.000 So they're like, they don't want to start any bullshit. 0.99

01:06:51.000 Like, ugh. 0.99

01:06:51.000 Right. 0.99

01:06:52.000 I don't want to deal.

01:06:52.000 And plus, they don't need their ego stroked.

01:06:54.000 Their ego's getting beaten down and stroked all the time.

01:06:58.000 Yeah.

01:06:58.000 It's stroked when you tap somebody, beaten down when you get tapped out.

01:07:01.000 And you have to get used to it.

01:07:02.000 In order to get to a certain rank, like, say, if you get up to, like, Purple Belt or Brown Belt or something like that, who knows how many hundreds of times you've been tapped out.

01:07:10.000 Yeah.

01:07:10.000 And who knows?

01:07:11.000 I have no idea how many times I've been tapped out.

01:07:13.000 Yeah.

01:07:14.000 But it's probably thousands. 1.00

01:07:15.000 No sh- Shit. 1.00

01:07:16.000 How could it not be? 1.00

01:07:17.000 Wow. 0.96

01:07:18.000 All those years of doing jiu-jitsu, 20 plus years of doing jiu-jitsu, and all the times I rolled, and all the times I rolled people better than me, I've been fucking choked and armbarred. 0.92

01:07:29.000 You just get used to it. 0.82

01:07:30.000 It's not fun.

01:07:30.000 You don't enjoy it.

01:07:32.000 But what you do enjoy...

01:07:33.000 Is that you've experienced something that you didn't have an answer for, and so you know there's work to be done.

01:07:39.000 And that's, jujitsu is endless.

01:07:41.000 It's endless.

01:07:42.000 You know, there's a guy who explained this.

01:07:46.000 How is the explanation?

01:07:48.000 It's a brilliant, Helson Gracie explained it to someone who didn't understand jujitsu, and he has got this thick Brazilian accent.

01:07:55.000 It's, I do this, and then you do that, and then I do this, and then you do that, and then I do this, forever.

01:08:04.000 That's jujitsu.

01:08:05.000 It's like it's constantly move and defense and counter and defense and attack.

01:08:12.000 Well, I hear people describe it as a chess match.

01:08:14.000 It is, but chess pieces only move one way.

01:08:17.000 It's so dynamic and kinetic, and so they're always adding new moves, too.

01:08:21.000 There's all these new moves that people are constantly learning.

01:08:24.000 Yeah.

01:08:26.000 But the thing is, you're using your body.

01:08:29.000 Your body is what is being attacked and your body is what you're using to attack.

01:08:33.000 So, you know, things give out while you're attacking and things give out while you're getting attacked.

01:08:39.000 And I think there's not enough jujitsu guys who I think if I was going to advise people, one of the things that I would advise is you should have a regular conditioning, strength and conditioning routine just to strengthen your joints,

01:08:55.000 strengthen your limbs, strengthen your back, yoga.

01:08:57.000 I think strength and conditioning and yoga are almost as important, not as important as jujitsu itself to get good at it, but almost as important to prevent injuries and to allow you to reach your full physical potential.

01:09:09.000 Hmm?

01:09:10.000 Yeah, so, I mean, in terms of that being a life lesson, I think when you can physicalize something that then becomes, like in a workplace, more of a mental thing, you realize that being tapped out in the workplace can mean everybody gets fired on a regular basis.

01:09:27.000 People used to get one job, and they would keep it for 30 years, you get a gold watch and a pension.

01:09:32.000 Now, the average job, I don't know what it is, Jamie, what's the average lifespan of a job?

01:09:37.000 Three years?

01:09:38.000 Is it?

01:09:39.000 I think so.

01:09:40.000 I think people tend to bounce around a lot more, and so I think that life, people get divorced, and they have other successful relationships. 0.99

01:09:48.000 You know, like, somebody was saying to me the other day, like, that joke, the Henny Youngman joke, take my wife, please, doesn't make sense anymore, because you would have fucking left her! 0.99

01:09:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:07.000 Yeah.

01:10:15.000 You just don't. 0.98

01:10:16.000 So if you think other people are getting through life perfect and you're fucking up all the time, you feel terrible about it. 0.99

01:10:22.000 But you've got to realize that those fuck-ups and those terrible moments, those are valuable learning experiences. 0.98

01:10:29.000 And the people that I know that are the most interesting have failed the hardest. 0.91

01:10:33.000 They've had these just colossal fuck-ups and then they rebuilt themselves and then understand.

01:10:37.000 It also gives you like a certain amount of humility and compassion for other people.

01:10:43.000 Because, you know, you've realized like, hey, This is not...

01:10:46.000 Like, no one rides the wave forever.

01:10:49.000 Yeah.

01:10:49.000 You crash.

01:10:50.000 You hit the coral.

01:10:51.000 You get scratched up. 1.00

01:10:52.000 You get fucked up. 0.99

01:10:53.000 I've never surfed. 0.99

01:10:54.000 I shouldn't use those analogies.

01:10:58.000 Yeah, but you grow from it or you become evil from it.

01:11:01.000 Well, you definitely can.

01:11:03.000 Yeah, you can definitely become evil from defeat.

01:11:05.000 But I just think... 0.99

01:11:08.000 I mean, it's a fucked up thing. 0.94

01:11:10.000 I mean, it's a weird thing to say, but I really think we all collectively, as a species, need to emphasize and learn how to be nicer to each other. 0.98

01:11:20.000 Nobody teaches you that.

01:11:22.000 It's rare.

01:11:23.000 They teach it to you in school, be nice.

01:11:25.000 When you go to offices, there's certain standards of behavior that you're supposed to behave in, but there's not like...

01:11:35.000 An emphasis on kindness and just being friendly.

01:11:39.000 And I think that that doesn't diminish competition.

01:11:43.000 Like, you can be friendly and kind to people that you're competing with as hard as you can.

01:11:47.000 That is also a thing that you find in Jiu-Jitsu.

01:11:50.000 Guys who are just trying to kill each other all the time are like really close friends.

01:11:53.000 Yeah.

01:11:54.000 Really close.

01:11:54.000 And, you know, very competitive.

01:11:56.000 Like, motherfucker, I'm getting you tonight. 1.00

01:11:57.000 No, bitch, you're not. 1.00

01:11:58.000 You know, like that kind of shit, but friendly. 1.00

01:12:00.000 Well, because there's a safety because there's rules. 1.00

01:12:03.000 Yes.

01:12:03.000 And in the workplace, the rules are much more nebulous.

01:12:06.000 And what you do to get ahead, kissing a boss's ass, sabotaging a project, is that part of competitive or is that over the line? 0.98

01:12:13.000 Whereas with jujitsu, you'll get called on a foul. 0.99

01:12:16.000 Yeah, sabotaging a project.

01:12:18.000 God.

01:12:19.000 Imagine working with somebody and they're sabotaging what you're trying to accomplish. 0.99

01:12:22.000 Go to the boss and talking shit behind your back about your project and what you're trying to achieve. 0.99

01:12:29.000 That's one of the most soul-sucking things about jobs, the fakeness. 1.00

01:12:35.000 The office banter, nonsense, fakeness. 0.68

01:12:40.000 I just think as a species, just the human race, especially us as Americans, because we're so goddamn competitive, kind of learn how to be nicer. 0.88

01:12:49.000 I think it starts with manners.

01:12:51.000 I think it starts with...

01:12:52.000 I mean, as a parent, manners, they seem trivial, but it creates...

01:12:57.000 The paradigm for nice.

01:13:00.000 Just, thank you, please, hold the door, don't eat until everybody's served their food.

01:13:06.000 They're all little signals to people that you care about them and respect them.

01:13:11.000 And I think it spills over and it informs your other actions when you have good manners.

01:13:16.000 Look people in the eye.

01:13:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:18.000 Yeah, be polite.

01:13:19.000 And when people do that to you, you get a good feeling.

01:13:22.000 You know, when someone holds up in the door for you or someone says thank you.

01:13:27.000 Like, I said hi to some guy the other day.

01:13:29.000 I was walking by him in the hallway of a hotel.

01:13:31.000 I go, how you doing, man?

01:13:32.000 And he just stared at me.

01:13:35.000 And immediately I was like, what?

01:13:37.000 I was angry.

01:13:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:39.000 You know, immediately, like, part of my instinct was like, fuck you, man. 1.00

01:13:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:43.000 But then part of me was like, that poor bastard. 1.00

01:13:45.000 Right. 1.00

01:13:45.000 You know, and I went with that poor bastard. 1.00

01:13:47.000 Like, oh, that's his life. 0.99

01:13:48.000 I just said hi.

01:13:49.000 I'm just trying to be nice.

01:13:50.000 Yeah.

01:13:51.000 But he looked at me like I was, almost like I was weak for saying hi to him.

01:13:55.000 Right.

01:13:55.000 You know?

01:13:56.000 I was raised to like, like, if I see somebody with bags, I help them and it makes me feel fucking great.

01:14:03.000 Yeah, it feels good to help people.

01:14:04.000 Yeah.

01:14:05.000 It really does.

01:14:06.000 And I think I was raised, and that's the thing about being raised Catholic, because I was raised very...

01:14:10.000 Were you raised Catholic?

01:14:11.000 I was raised Catholic to first grade.

01:14:13.000 After first grade, we kind of abandoned it.

01:14:15.000 Yeah.

01:14:15.000 But even up until then, it gives you a lot of...

01:14:19.000 It's a life of service.

01:14:21.000 It's very much about helping people.

01:14:23.000 It's very much, you know, you can say what you want about the Catholics, but, you know, they were in the trenches in a lot of third world countries, nuns, and, you know, they did a lot of good.

01:14:33.000 And I think that rubbed off on me.

01:14:35.000 My parents both always did a lot of charity work.

01:14:38.000 I do a lot of charity work with my kids, and, you know, that's going to stay with them.

01:14:42.000 I think we throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to religion, and even just rigid ideologies.

01:14:47.000 I think there's something about religion that can absolutely help some people, and there's aspects of it that are very beneficial.

01:14:54.000 Having that code to live by, you know, even if it's because of the fucking spaghetti monster in the sky, like whatever it is that you believe, but if you really act like that thing is watching over you and that there's codes and tenets that you have to live by, Like, most of the tenets of Christianity,

01:15:10.000 if you look at them, if you really follow Jesus' rule, which most people don't, but if you really did, you'd be doing a lot of great work. 0.80

01:15:17.000 You'd be helping people.

01:15:18.000 You'd be treating each other as if they were your brothers and sisters.

01:15:21.000 The neediest.

01:15:22.000 I mean, that's who Jesus helped.

01:15:24.000 He helped the beggars in the street and the prostitutes. 1.00

01:15:27.000 And, you know, that was some hardcore shit he was doing back then. 0.99

01:15:30.000 Yep, yep. 0.98

01:15:31.000 Yeah, I think it's like the Ten Commandments.

01:15:34.000 You can live by, I don't know, eight of them.

01:15:36.000 Eight of them are pretty good to live by.

01:15:38.000 I'm still going to covet my neighbor's wife. 1.00

01:15:40.000 Covet. 1.00

01:15:40.000 She's fucking hot. 1.00

01:15:41.000 Do you know what that was about, though? 0.99

01:15:43.000 It wasn't about that.

01:15:44.000 What was it?

01:15:45.000 It was about your neighbor's wife.

01:15:45.000 She was possession.

01:15:47.000 She was covet.

01:15:48.000 Like, she was a possession of the neighbor.

01:15:50.000 Oh.

01:15:51.000 Like, he owned her.

01:15:53.000 Right.

01:15:53.000 Oh, that's right.

01:15:54.000 Yeah.

01:15:54.000 And the same thing stood for the commandment, if you really read it, says, Do not covet thy neighbor's wife or thy neighbor's slave.

01:16:04.000 Is it slave?

01:16:05.000 Slave. 0.99

01:16:06.000 I thought it was donkey. 1.00

01:16:07.000 I think it's donkey and slave.

01:16:09.000 Really?

01:16:10.000 Yep.

01:16:10.000 Wow.

01:16:11.000 That's crazy.

01:16:11.000 Yeah.

01:16:12.000 Yeah.

01:16:12.000 Don't try to steal their slave.

01:16:14.000 Yeah.

01:16:14.000 You can keep slaves, just don't want them from your neighbor.

01:16:18.000 It's just so obvious that what they were talking about back then was all wrapped around the way people thought about things then.

01:16:27.000 But they knew, even then, even thousands of years ago, they knew there's a right way to do things and there's a wrong way to do things.

01:16:35.000 When you pick up the people's bags, you feel good.

01:16:38.000 Let's tell kids that.

01:16:40.000 Let's teach people that.

01:16:41.000 You pick up the bags, you feel good.

01:16:42.000 You hold the door open, you feel good.

01:16:45.000 You help someone, you feel good.

01:16:46.000 Like, okay, this is obviously, we all want to feel good, right?

01:16:50.000 How do we feel?

01:16:52.000 There's moments in my life where I feel terrible, where I've done something wrong, or I've fucked up something, or just failed, and I just feel terrible. 0.86

01:17:00.000 And I always think, when I do have that feeling, like, God, I fucking hate this feeling. 0.66

01:17:04.000 Why can't I feel great? 0.64

01:17:06.000 Why can't I just feel awesome right now?

01:17:07.000 Well, because it didn't go well.

01:17:09.000 And this is like the psychic reminder.

01:17:12.000 This is that jolt of energy that's letting you know, like, hey, you went on a wrong path. 1.00

01:17:16.000 You fucked up. 1.00

01:17:18.000 You tanked this. 1.00

01:17:19.000 You crashed that.

01:17:20.000 You did wrong. 0.99

01:17:21.000 Like, you're supposed to feel like shit so that you don't do it again. 0.99

01:17:25.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:17:26.000 But conversely, when something good happens, when you help someone, when someone can't get their bag in the overhead because it's too heavy and you help them and you hand it to them and they smile at you and you smile at them, you walk off the plane, you feel good.

01:17:38.000 You feel good.

01:17:39.000 You got to teach that too.

01:17:41.000 Like you have to remember that and you have to go, why do I feel so good?

01:17:44.000 Oh, I felt so good because I helped that lady. 1.00

01:17:45.000 Yeah.

01:17:46.000 You know, I felt so good because I said hi to that guy, and that guy said hi to me back.

01:17:49.000 And we looked at each other and go, you know, made some niceties or whatever.

01:17:53.000 Yeah.

01:17:53.000 And that's part of the joy of life, is those friendly, fun, nice interactions with people.

01:18:02.000 But when you got your shit in order, it's easier to have those experiences. 0.96

01:18:06.000 When you don't, my personal experience, when I don't have my shit in order, and I've made mistakes, and I fucked something up, it's very hard for me to enjoy anything. 0.99

01:18:15.000 Yeah. 0.78

01:18:15.000 I just go through the motions. 0.78

01:18:16.000 I feel like, if I have something that I fucked up, and then I have that terrible feeling, but I have to hang out with my family and my kids, I just ride it out.

01:18:26.000 I just have to ride it out. 0.85

01:18:27.000 I try to be real friendly and real sweet, but I don't feel good inside.

01:18:31.000 I feel terrible.

01:18:32.000 And I go, well, this is going to go away with contemplation, with understanding.

01:18:37.000 This feeling's going to go away, but you've got to ride it out.

01:18:40.000 And I know I can ride it out because I've rode it out before.

01:18:43.000 Yeah.

01:18:44.000 But for some people, man, they don't know what to do there.

01:18:47.000 They don't know what that feeling is.

01:18:49.000 They feel like this is their life.

01:18:50.000 And then that feeling, if you don't conquer it, you get comfortable with it.

01:18:54.000 You get used to it.

01:18:55.000 You get used to failing.

01:18:56.000 You get used to that terrible feeling.

01:18:58.000 And then you start pouring booze on that terrible feeling.

01:19:01.000 Or pouring drugs or whatever.

01:19:02.000 Well, it also becomes like, I was in therapy and I remember the therapist told me that we all have a narrative of our lives and you can choose that narrative. 0.96

01:19:12.000 It's that fucking simple.

01:19:14.000 That's basically what behavioral therapy tells you, is that it's all... 0.99

01:19:19.000 Everything in your life is a projection. 0.93

01:19:22.000 You know, you say, I have these attributes, I've accomplished these things, or you can say, I lack these things, and I fucked up these things.

01:19:30.000 And you can live your life putting that energy out to people, and it's as simple as just literally sitting down and thinking about how you want to see yourself.

01:19:40.000 And just keep...

01:19:42.000 Keep reminding yourself of that and you'll start to live it. 0.96

01:19:44.000 I mean this sounds so fucking hokey and oversimplified. 0.95

01:19:47.000 But it's real. 0.97

01:19:48.000 But it's real.

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:50.000 And part of the thing, the downside of religion is that I was raised with a lot of shame and guilt.

01:19:57.000 And so those periods you're talking about where you fucked up and you're feeling bad and you've got to ride it out, you throw shame on top of that and it extends it and it makes it more profound and it's not just about your action and how it might have affected other people,

01:20:12.000 it's about original sin. 0.99

01:20:15.000 You know, heavy, original sin shit. 1.00

01:20:18.000 Garden of Eden, we're evil, you know, we're dirty, we need to confess, we need to be cleansed. 1.00

01:20:24.000 Throw all that on top of a simple mistake and it makes it complicated.

01:20:28.000 Yeah, man.

01:20:29.000 The sin and the pain and the suffering.

01:20:33.000 I mean, I only went through one year of Catholic school. 0.94

01:20:36.000 But that one year when I was six years old, first grade, I was like, this is ridiculous. 0.99

01:20:40.000 These people are crazy. 0.97

01:20:42.000 Yeah, I'm not this bad. 0.99

01:20:43.000 I just knew.

01:20:44.000 See, my parents got split up when I was five.

01:20:48.000 And then I was really confused.

01:20:50.000 I was like, I can't believe my mom and dad aren't together anymore.

01:20:53.000 And there was a lot of Screaming and hitting and a lot of violence and it was just it was good that my mom got out Because I learned that when something is terrible like you don't just stay and get smacked around you leave But the bad thing was it just threw my whole life into chaos and I wanted some order and things and one of the things that I Turned to for order was religion Even at five,

01:21:20.000 six years old, I remember my grandparents or whoever was taking me to church, I got into it.

01:21:26.000 I was like, this is the answer.

01:21:28.000 It's like, what does God want you to do?

01:21:30.000 Because when you're six, it's not a – I remember thinking of it in this very narrow, confined way.

01:21:39.000 I didn't have a broad sense of the world.

01:21:41.000 I had a sense of God as being the ultimate dad.

01:21:44.000 Right?

01:21:45.000 And then, well, the dad that I have has failed.

01:21:48.000 So this ultimate dad, you got to do what he says.

01:21:51.000 And that's how life works good.

01:21:53.000 And that's how you're happy.

01:21:54.000 This very small vocabulary that I had, this narrow view of the world with, you know, five summers of life experience.

01:22:03.000 And then I went to Catholic school. 0.99

01:22:05.000 And I was like, holy shit, is this wrong? 0.99

01:22:08.000 I was like, this is so wrong. 0.97

01:22:10.000 Sister Mary Josephine, this is the only person I remember from being six years old. 0.99

01:22:15.000 I don't remember anybody's name, but I remember that fucking evil monster of a lady. 1.00

01:22:20.000 She was horrible. 1.00

01:22:21.000 And I remember thinking she smelled like death. 0.99

01:22:24.000 She looked like hell. 0.99

01:22:26.000 She just looked like she was just in grief and anger and just annoyed all the time and was so mean to kids, man. 1.00

01:22:35.000 And it fucking knocked it right out of me. 0.98

01:22:39.000 Knocked it all right out of me. 0.99

01:22:40.000 All my ideas about religion and Catholicism, and I was done by the time first grade was over.

01:22:47.000 I was like, there's no way I'm going back.

01:22:48.000 I told my parents I'd run away. 0.99

01:22:49.000 I was like, there's no fucking way. 0.99

01:22:51.000 Yeah, my parents went to Catholic schools in the Bronx back when they just hit you relentlessly. 0.99

01:22:58.000 I mean, like, every infraction.

01:22:59.000 They had a ruler.

01:23:00.000 Literally, they had the ruler out, and they wouldn't.

01:23:01.000 Wrap you on the knuckles all the time.

01:23:04.000 And my mother said to me, she realized she got older, these nuns that were teaching, very often they became nuns because maybe they were lesbians, maybe they hated kids, they didn't want to go down that road. 0.97

01:23:17.000 Wow. 0.99

01:23:17.000 And so they joined the sisterhood to get away from it, and they stuck them in fucking classrooms with 25 jacked up, testosterone-ridden kids. 0.99

01:23:28.000 Wow. 1.00

01:23:29.000 And it's their worst nightmare. 0.97

01:23:30.000 That's why they're so miserable.

01:23:32.000 We had a kid in the neighborhood that became a priest.

01:23:34.000 And he was a nice kid.

01:23:35.000 It was in high school. 1.00

01:23:36.000 But he's gay as fuck. 1.00

01:23:38.000 Everybody knew he was gay as fuck. 1.00

01:23:39.000 It was so obvious. 1.00

01:23:40.000 He was just soft.

01:23:42.000 And his face was soft.

01:23:44.000 And he had no interest in women.

01:23:47.000 And he was like, well, there's got to be a way.

01:23:49.000 And he went right into the priesthood.

01:23:51.000 We started calling him father by the time he was like 17. I guess he was 18. He was like a year older than us.

01:23:58.000 Maybe two years older than me.

01:24:01.000 And I think he had graduated and he was already like going into the priesthood, right?

01:24:07.000 I don't know what steps you have to take to do it, but people started calling him father.

01:24:10.000 Started calling him father when I was like 16, I think people were doing it.

01:24:15.000 But I remember thinking like, oh, he's gay. 0.95

01:24:17.000 Obviously, he's gay. 0.99

01:24:19.000 And now he's like, what are the options in fucking Newton, Massachusetts in 1983? 0.99

01:24:25.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:24:26.000 What's he gonna do?

01:24:27.000 Yeah.

01:24:27.000 What's he gonna do?

01:24:28.000 You know?

01:24:29.000 Didn't know where to go. 1.00

01:24:31.000 Became a fucking priest. 1.00

01:24:32.000 Do you think that priests in a rectory, which Latin derivative rectum... 1.00

01:24:39.000 Is it?

01:24:39.000 No.

01:24:40.000 But do you think they're all fucking... 1.00

01:24:43.000 I mean, the priests are mostly gay. 1.00

01:24:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:46.000 They're not getting laid.

01:24:47.000 They've got, what, 23 hours of downtime every day when they're not doing a mass? 0.97

01:24:53.000 I want to know what percentage of them are pedophiles and what percentage of them were molested, so became pedophiles.

01:25:00.000 And people that get upset at this, look, you can't get upset at it.

01:25:04.000 It's like blowing tires on NASCAR. It's real.

01:25:06.000 Well, tires don't always fail.

01:25:08.000 You're right, they don't always fail, but they fail a lot.

01:25:10.000 A lot of people lose tires.

01:25:12.000 A lot of people crash cars.

01:25:14.000 It's just...

01:25:15.000 There's a giant history of sex offenders that become priests and molest kids.

01:25:22.000 What are the numbers?

01:25:25.000 Is it 10%?

01:25:27.000 If it was 10% of priests, it's still a lot of people getting molested.

01:25:31.000 Is it 30%?

01:25:32.000 What's the number?

01:25:33.000 It's not zero.

01:25:34.000 Well, what's disturbing isn't just that number, but the number of priests that know about it that don't say anything.

01:25:40.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:40.000 Or then they even know about it and they shift them to another church.

01:25:44.000 I mean, the complicity of the church in dealing with this problem, it's a civil case.

01:25:49.000 This is rape. 1.00

01:25:50.000 This should be in the courts.

01:25:51.000 Police should be brought to the church and they should be fingerprinted and put in jail.

01:25:56.000 But instead, we somehow say, you guys deal with it yourself.

01:26:00.000 Yeah.

01:26:01.000 Yeah, you remember when Ratzinger had to leave?

01:26:04.000 He had to quit, which is very rare.

01:26:06.000 But it was because they wanted to try him for crimes against humanity. 1.00

01:26:10.000 That guy was a fucking piece of shit. 1.00

01:26:13.000 What he did was take priests that were molesting kids and just move them. 1.00

01:26:17.000 And he moved this one priest.

01:26:19.000 This is the guy that became Pope, right?

01:26:21.000 Yes.

01:26:21.000 He was in charge.

01:26:23.000 He was a cardinal or whatever the fuck he was. 0.99

01:26:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:26:26.000 Whatever the name is. 0.99

01:26:27.000 In Germany.

01:26:28.000 Where you take these priests and move them to this new spot.

01:26:31.000 Right.

01:26:31.000 And I think it was in Arizona.

01:26:34.000 Or New Mexico?

01:26:35.000 I forget where it was.

01:26:36.000 It was somewhere in the United States, I believe.

01:26:38.000 He moved this guy.

01:26:40.000 Like, well, send him over there. 0.99

01:26:41.000 And the guy wound up raping 100 deaf kids. 0.98

01:26:45.000 Jesus Christ. 0.98

01:26:47.000 Yeah, what?

01:26:48.000 You hear about that and you're like, oh my god! 1.00

01:26:51.000 Can you imagine your baby, your poor baby you can't hear and they go to this place and they can't hear anything and this priest is sticking his dick in their ass and in their mouth and like, And they're like, this is God? 1.00

01:27:03.000 God wants this? 1.00

01:27:05.000 God wants this guy to do this to me?

01:27:06.000 And if there was a company where the CEO allowed that to happen under his watch, never mind facilitated it.

01:27:14.000 If you were the head of the company and it happened, you would have to step down.

01:27:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:19.000 This guy got elevated to Pope. 0.95

01:27:22.000 Crazy. 0.66

01:27:23.000 Well, they did it that way for so long.

01:27:25.000 I mean, there's so many.

01:27:26.000 Did you ever see Hear No Evil?

01:27:28.000 There's a documentary about it. 1.00

01:27:30.000 No, I can't watch that shit. 1.00

01:27:32.000 Those documentaries are rough, man. 1.00

01:27:33.000 There's quite a few of them, and I usually make it like 45 minutes into them where I'm just crying and I can't handle it.

01:27:41.000 And here's the thing.

01:27:43.000 Most of those guys who were perpetrators were victims at one point in their lives.

01:27:47.000 Of course.

01:27:48.000 90%, I would say. 1.00

01:27:49.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00

01:27:51.000 What a horrible, horrible system of, you know, not a system, but, you know, a repeating action, you know? 1.00

01:27:59.000 Yeah.

01:27:59.000 And that's the thing about the way it spreads.

01:28:04.000 You know, every time somebody's molested, you're creating other predators.

01:28:10.000 Yeah.

01:28:12.000 Oh, man.

01:28:15.000 So crazy.

01:28:17.000 Yeah.

01:28:20.000 We went to a pretty cool church growing up, and the priests were, apparently, I found out later, were all having affairs with women in town.

01:28:28.000 Really?

01:28:29.000 Yeah.

01:28:29.000 This one guy, I won't say his name.

01:28:31.000 Say it.

01:28:32.000 Father McDonough. 1.00

01:28:33.000 That piece of shit. 1.00

01:28:36.000 It's not fucking a kid! 1.00

01:28:38.000 Right. 0.99

01:28:38.000 That's better. 0.99

01:28:39.000 Way better.

01:28:39.000 That's the whole problem.

01:28:41.000 Who is he banging?

01:28:41.000 People's wives?

01:28:42.000 Yeah.

01:28:43.000 You know, like Eucharistic ministers.

01:28:45.000 The Eucharistic ministers are the people that go to church, but they're so special that they can actually go give communion to people that are homebound.

01:28:57.000 Oh.

01:28:57.000 So they were in the inner circle and the priest would have a little affair.

01:29:01.000 Oh.

01:29:01.000 So he would go over, like maybe grandma was bedridden, he'd go over, give her the service, then slip it to the daughter?

01:29:08.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:29:11.000 House call!

01:29:13.000 Rated R. No?

01:29:16.000 That's not what he did?

01:29:16.000 No, it was like the people that were the ministers, they became close to the priest because they would have to go to him to get the bread blessed, and then they would take it in like a takeout bag, and they would deliver it to the people that were bedridden.

01:29:32.000 Yeah, I mean, those...

01:29:37.000 Religions become so ingrained in people's behavior patterns. 1.00

01:29:40.000 I mean, it becomes a part of the community. 0.99

01:29:42.000 You can't be like, ah, I'm fucking quitting the church. 0.98

01:29:44.000 Like, what are you talking about, Bobby? 0.99

01:29:46.000 Yeah, right.

01:29:46.000 We go to church on Sunday.

01:29:47.000 The whole family goes, we got our Sunday best on.

01:29:50.000 We go to church.

01:29:51.000 Yeah.

01:29:51.000 It becomes a part of not just your life, but the way you socially interact with your friends and your loved ones.

01:29:59.000 Yeah.

01:29:59.000 Get everybody together.

01:30:00.000 It's like it's part of the Sunday bonding.

01:30:02.000 Oh, and your child being christened and getting their first communion.

01:30:06.000 These are big, like, landmark moments in your kid's life.

01:30:09.000 You know, if you think about it, like, you get your communion around the time that you begin puberty.

01:30:14.000 You know, they're all based on cycles of nature.

01:30:16.000 You know, Jesus was born in reality in April, but according to the church, December 25th, which is right at the winter solstice when the north started.

01:30:26.000 It's all built into nature.

01:30:27.000 It's all pagan in its origins. 0.59

01:30:29.000 Right.

01:30:30.000 And all the ceremonies that you go through are tied into, you know, rites of passage in people's lives.

01:30:36.000 That's why it's so weird that, like, when they were trying to convert pagans during the Roman days, they're like, well, you know, we do this thing in the winter solstice, like...

01:30:45.000 What a coincidence.

01:30:47.000 Jesus is born the same time. 0.99

01:30:49.000 No fucking way. 0.99

01:30:50.000 Yeah, come on board. 1.00

01:30:51.000 Come on board.

01:30:51.000 And most of the pagan gods and most of the world religions, the Messiah was born during the winter solstice.

01:31:00.000 And many of them died and rose up in the spring, which is what, the vernal equinox?

01:31:06.000 Easter always lands right around the vernal equinox.

01:31:09.000 Well, you gotta think, for those people back then, like, everything was about the crops rising and gathering food and fertility.

01:31:16.000 That was everything.

01:31:17.000 Yeah.

01:31:17.000 Everything was about whether or not you could make a baby, whether or not you could feed your family.

01:31:22.000 I mean, if the crops went bad, you had a late frost or something like that, and things died, you were fucked. 0.99

01:31:28.000 Yeah, especially since you had 12 kids. 0.99

01:31:30.000 Oh, no birth control, shooting loads all willy-nilly.

01:31:34.000 Yeah.

01:31:35.000 Yeah, and it was a sin for a woman to say no. 1.00

01:31:39.000 You had to do it.

01:31:40.000 Really? 1.00

01:31:41.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:31:42.000 With the Catholic Church, you can't say no to your husband. 1.00

01:31:45.000 Really?

01:31:45.000 No way, man.

01:31:46.000 It's a crime.

01:31:47.000 It's a sin.

01:31:48.000 Wow.

01:31:49.000 You can go to the priest and complain about it. 1.00

01:31:51.000 And the priest will go, give up the pussy. 1.00

01:31:52.000 That's right. 1.00

01:31:53.000 Whoa.

01:31:54.000 Yeah.

01:31:56.000 No birth control either.

01:31:57.000 That's the other thing that's crazy.

01:31:59.000 Okay.

01:32:00.000 You know, we got to create Christian soldiers.

01:32:03.000 That's where these rules came from, is that it was about populating with as many of our guys as possible.

01:32:10.000 Yeah.

01:32:11.000 So they don't want to limit you having kids.

01:32:14.000 Well, there was no birth control at the time.

01:32:15.000 I mean, back when that was all going on.

01:32:17.000 Well, you can pull out and come in a girl's face. 1.00

01:32:20.000 Legally?

01:32:24.000 It's mandatory in some religions.

01:32:26.000 You think about birth control today.

01:32:28.000 I think it's great that people have the option for birth control.

01:32:32.000 100%.

01:32:33.000 I'm not anti-birth control.

01:32:34.000 I think it's amazing.

01:32:35.000 But...

01:32:37.000 It's very weird for a girl to have hormones in her body that are artificially put in there that trick her body into thinking it's pregnant.

01:32:46.000 Yeah.

01:32:46.000 And they go through this whole cycle of it.

01:32:48.000 And what's really fascinating is women lose their ability to discern certain smells that they get from men, whether or not a man is compatible. 0.57

01:32:56.000 They've done these studies where they took women on birth control and off birth control, and they could smell men's clothes, like a woman off birth control can smell a man's clothes, she doesn't know anything about them, and can discern whether or not she'd be attracted to him.

01:33:10.000 Really?

01:33:11.000 To a certain degree of success.

01:33:13.000 Huh.

01:33:13.000 Yeah, but that's out the window as soon as they're on the pill.

01:33:15.000 When they're on the pill, their body's all confused.

01:33:17.000 They're pregnant. 0.97

01:33:18.000 They're not thinking about that.

01:33:19.000 Right.

01:33:19.000 And so they lose this sort of weird sense of compatibility.

01:33:25.000 Wow.

01:33:26.000 Yeah, this was...

01:33:27.000 They start responding only to Axe body spray?

01:33:29.000 Smell dating.

01:33:30.000 What is this?

01:33:31.000 The first mail-ordered dating service.

01:33:35.000 Is that real?

01:33:35.000 Yeah, you mail a shirt in and then they put on sugar on it.

01:33:41.000 That's hilarious.

01:33:43.000 I'll take...

01:33:44.000 Wow. 0.99

01:34:04.000 I'll tell you what, my wife, I remember like the first date I had with my wife, we rode bikes over the Brooklyn Bridge and it was a hot summer day and then we fooled around a little bit and I remember smelling her and fucking being so aroused. 0.99

01:34:24.000 It was like, to this day, her smell turns me on. 0.99

01:34:29.000 Yeah, people are compatible with each other in smells.

01:34:32.000 It's real.

01:34:33.000 That's legit.

01:34:35.000 It's a very strange thing though, right? 1.00

01:34:38.000 Well, look at every fucking animal. 1.00

01:34:40.000 Smells. 1.00

01:34:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:41.000 I watched this Planet Earth special, and it was about...

01:34:46.000 I forget which kind of wild cat it was, but they travel for hundreds of miles, and there's certain rocks that they know to rub their backs up against and leave an odor.

01:34:58.000 And the other ones in the territory go to that same rock, and they smell it, and they rub on it, and then they decide who to mate with based on A specific tree or a rock that are miles away from each other.

01:35:11.000 Wow.

01:35:12.000 Wow.

01:35:13.000 Hmm.

01:35:15.000 That's crazy.

01:35:16.000 It's really crazy when you think about how an animal has a sense, like their sense of smell is almost like we don't have a sense of smell.

01:35:26.000 Yeah.

01:35:26.000 They can smell fear and adrenaline.

01:35:29.000 They can smell all kinds of weird shit. 1.00

01:35:31.000 They can smell animals from hundreds of yards away. 1.00

01:35:34.000 Yeah.

01:35:35.000 The wind blows up and they're like... 0.99

01:35:36.000 They can smell shit that we don't have a... 1.00

01:35:40.000 Goddamn chance of smelling. 1.00

01:35:41.000 There's no way. 0.99

01:35:43.000 Smelling is so fucking weird. 0.94

01:35:44.000 I was in my car on the 10 freeway the other day, and there was a small fire on the west side. 0.95

01:35:49.000 I was seven miles away, windows up, and I could smell smoke.

01:35:54.000 Yeah.

01:35:55.000 And you really think about physically... 0.98

01:35:57.000 How the fuck did that scent travel that far through my car and into my nose? 0.99

01:36:02.000 Well, what's crazy is skunks. 0.99

01:36:04.000 Yeah, right.

01:36:05.000 They say skunks give you a sense of how an animal smells.

01:36:09.000 Because the parts per million of skunk smell that you can pick up is a lot like how a dog could pick up the smell of like a robber.

01:36:16.000 Right.

01:36:16.000 Like when they give a dog a t-shirt.

01:36:18.000 Like, there he is!

01:36:18.000 Go get him, boy!

01:36:19.000 Yeah.

01:36:20.000 And they run around like that.

01:36:21.000 That's apparently very similar.

01:36:24.000 Very similar when you smell a skunk.

01:36:26.000 You could smell a skunk and you're like, oh, it's over to the right.

01:36:28.000 You know where it is.

01:36:30.000 It's weird. 0.94

01:36:31.000 You could be on the street and you're like, oh, you fucking smell that and you go like that to the left, you go like that to the right and you're like, oh, it's over this way. 0.98

01:36:37.000 You could smell a skunk from blocks away. 1.00

01:36:41.000 Blocks! 0.94

01:36:41.000 I mean, imagine a smell that you could smell from blocks away and it comes out of an animal the size of a football. 0.94

01:36:47.000 Yeah.

01:36:47.000 That's crazy.

01:36:48.000 Alright.

01:36:49.000 It's not a lot of scent.

01:36:50.000 It's a little bit of a spray.

01:36:51.000 Like, if you took a hairspray can and just held it down for two seconds, like...

01:36:55.000 That's what a skunk sprays.

01:36:57.000 Yeah.

01:36:58.000 I got sprayed once.

01:36:59.000 Did you?

01:36:59.000 Yeah.

01:37:00.000 We were in Newport, Rhode Island.

01:37:01.000 We had this house...

01:37:03.000 And it was a converted horse stable.

01:37:05.000 So there was just, there was 21 of us living in the house one summer.

01:37:10.000 And there were people literally, there were stables that had cots in them.

01:37:15.000 And people slept in those.

01:37:17.000 And I think there was like three bathrooms in the entire place.

01:37:21.000 And so there were skunks.

01:37:23.000 There were skunks that lived in the basement of the house.

01:37:28.000 And the house just smelled like skunks.

01:37:30.000 And then one night I hear this clunking out in the garage.

01:37:33.000 It's like, clunk, clunk.

01:37:34.000 And I open the door and I walk out and there's a skunk and he's got his head jammed in a small Hellman's mayonnaise jar. 0.96

01:37:41.000 And he's trying to bang his head on the ground to get it off.

01:37:45.000 Wow.

01:37:46.000 And I felt so bad for the thing that I got...

01:37:49.000 There was a golf club in the corner and I got the golf club and I went over and I hit...

01:37:55.000 I hit the glass trying to break it off.

01:37:57.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:37:58.000 And the skunk squirted me and then ran outside and disappeared. 1.00

01:38:03.000 And I don't know if he fucking died or whatever, but that shit stayed on me for days. 1.00

01:38:10.000 Yeah, my dog got hit when I was in Boston. 1.00

01:38:12.000 He got hit, or she got hit.

01:38:14.000 It was a girl dog. 0.94

01:38:14.000 She got hit, and I washed her in tomato juice. 0.94

01:38:17.000 You're supposed to use tomato juice.

01:38:18.000 It didn't work.

01:38:19.000 I mean, it kind of worked, but it didn't really work. 1.00

01:38:22.000 She smelled like shit for days. 1.00

01:38:24.000 Days. 1.00

01:38:25.000 Just forever.

01:38:26.000 I don't know how it even wears off.

01:38:29.000 You know?

01:38:30.000 Yeah, I guess it's a weird defense mechanism.

01:38:33.000 Yeah, very weird.

01:38:35.000 You know, they got the big stripes, you associate them with the smell and you stay away.

01:38:38.000 Let's put up an article about it.

01:38:39.000 It's an alcohol-thial thing.

01:38:42.000 I was actually reading the part about tomato juice won't work.

01:38:45.000 Tomato juice won't do it.

01:38:46.000 It's just a strong smell that attempts to cover up the smell of skunk.

01:38:50.000 What you need is a chemical that will change the composition of the thiol group.

01:38:54.000 Fortunately, baking soda and hydrogen peroxide are cheap, mild, and will do the job.

01:38:58.000 Interesting.

01:38:59.000 So baking soda and hydrogen peroxide, they're oxidizing agents, meaning they will attach oxygen atoms to the sulfur atom in the thiol pairing and take away its ability to stink.

01:39:12.000 Wow, interesting.

01:39:15.000 And water makes it worse, too, apparently.

01:39:16.000 The chemicals are flammable, so under the right conditions, we could have little striped flamethrowers running around the woods. 0.76

01:39:24.000 Wow. 1.00

01:39:25.000 Imagine how you take a skunk, and you fucking force him to spray, and you just hold a lighter up to his asshole. 1.00

01:39:33.000 Wow. 1.00

01:39:34.000 I think you got a new Marvel character.

01:39:36.000 Yeah, skunk man.

01:39:37.000 Yeah.

01:39:38.000 It's crazy that it's an alcohol-based spray coming out of an animal.

01:39:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:44.000 And it's also like, how the fuck does something evolve to spray shit? 1.00

01:39:48.000 I know. 0.99

01:39:49.000 Because of all the different possible things that could have happened through natural selection, a skunk is one of the weirder ones.

01:39:55.000 Yeah.

01:39:57.000 Is there flowers that do that? 0.95

01:39:59.000 Is there a stink?

01:40:01.000 That's spray?

01:40:02.000 I think there's flowers that do...

01:40:04.000 I think when they open, they smell.

01:40:06.000 Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

01:40:08.000 I think that is a flower that is a trap for rats.

01:40:11.000 It eats rats.

01:40:13.000 It smells like rotten meat. 1.00

01:40:15.000 No shit. 1.00

01:40:15.000 Really? 1.00

01:40:15.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:40:16.000 You know how there's like Venus fly traps?

01:40:18.000 Yeah, right.

01:40:18.000 There's also one that attracts rodents.

01:40:21.000 Damn! 0.99

01:40:21.000 And it opens up and it smells like rotten meat and they fall in it and it just closes up on them and they can't get out. 0.99

01:40:28.000 Might not close up on them.

01:40:29.000 They might just not be able to climb out of it.

01:40:31.000 It's like a metaphor for marriage.

01:40:36.000 Right after you get told, to this day, I love the smell of my wife.

01:40:42.000 But I can't get out.

01:40:44.000 See if you can find that thing of a plant that eats mice.

01:40:49.000 Yeah, there it is.

01:40:50.000 Newly discovered carnivorous jungle plant that gobbles rats whole. 1.00

01:40:54.000 Look at that poor fucking rat. 1.00

01:40:57.000 He's like, fuck! 1.00

01:40:59.000 I'm fucked, bro! 1.00

01:41:00.000 I'm fucked in here! 1.00

01:41:02.000 I can't get out of the fucking- Dude, I'm gonna plant! 1.00

01:41:05.000 Fucking plants got me, bro! 1.00

01:41:07.000 Deep in the jungle, primeval. 1.00

01:41:09.000 What is it?

01:41:10.000 How do you say that name?

01:41:11.000 Nep...

01:41:12.000 Nepenthes... 0.98

01:41:13.000 Nepenthes... 0.98

01:41:15.000 Attenborogi, with two eyes.

01:41:18.000 Awaits its furry prey.

01:41:21.000 It's not a stealthy cat or a poisonous lizard.

01:41:24.000 It's a plant and it eats rats. 0.99

01:41:27.000 It's been named after the famous naturalist and TV personality, Sir David Attenborough.

01:41:33.000 Meat-eating pitcher plants.

01:41:35.000 They're pitcher plants discovered by science in the time of...

01:41:38.000 I don't know who Linnaeus is.

01:41:39.000 A meat-eating plant!

01:41:40.000 That's insane!

01:41:42.000 If an unlucky mouse or bird became a meal, it was a rare treat.

01:41:46.000 But this one is a vertebrate specialist.

01:41:48.000 So there are some that eat insects and spiders, but an unlucky mouse or a bird is rare. 0.99

01:41:54.000 But these fucking plants, this giant plant, is a specialist in rats. 0.99

01:41:59.000 They lure rats with the promise of sweet nectar. 1.00

01:42:02.000 But when the rat leans into the plant to drink the saccharine liquid, it slips on the pitcher's waxy interior and gets stuck in its gooey sap.

01:42:11.000 Once it's trapped, acid-like digestive enzymes break down the still-living rodent.

01:42:16.000 Huh?

01:42:16.000 Come on.

01:42:17.000 How the fuck does that happen? 0.96

01:42:19.000 To better explain the whole process as well as the life cycle of pitcher plant, there's a video by David Attenborough. 0.99

01:42:26.000 The poisonous pitcher plant.

01:42:28.000 You can find that.

01:42:28.000 The private life of plants.

01:42:30.000 Plants are so fucking complicated. 0.98

01:42:32.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:42:33.000 It's so fascinating.

01:42:35.000 They just develop.

01:42:37.000 That's one of the real gigantic problems that people have with the deforestation of the rainforest is there's stuff down there that we haven't even figured out yet.

01:42:44.000 Yeah.

01:42:45.000 So little of it has been explored.

01:42:48.000 Did you see that new thing in Guatemala where they're going through the jungle and they found thousands?

01:42:53.000 They have some new technology where they can see structures.

01:42:56.000 It's like sonar.

01:42:56.000 Yeah.

01:42:57.000 And they found thousands of unknown structures.

01:42:59.000 Yeah.

01:43:00.000 Like buildings, cities.

01:43:02.000 Right.

01:43:02.000 There used to be a thriving, some sort of a thriving community in there.

01:43:06.000 Yeah, and they say that it disproves a lot of theories about where things had developed at what rate.

01:43:13.000 They were so far beyond what we thought they were in terms of irrigation and things like that.

01:43:18.000 I mean, it's so weird because we only live to be 80, 90 years old, right? 0.99

01:43:22.000 And in that time, you barely have enough time to figure out what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

01:43:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:26.000 Your own life. 0.99

01:43:27.000 And you're like, hey, what's that stone wall over there?

01:43:30.000 It's always been here.

01:43:31.000 Like, nobody knows.

01:43:32.000 The ancient ones.

01:43:34.000 The ancient ones made it. 1.00

01:43:34.000 And then you die. 1.00

01:43:35.000 And then your grandchildren hear the same story.

01:43:37.000 Oh, the ancient ones.

01:43:38.000 They built that wall. 0.99

01:43:39.000 And then someone comes along in like 1990 and goes, Hey, who the fuck are the ancient ones? 0.99

01:43:43.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:43:43.000 Like, let's start doing some digs. 0.91

01:43:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:46.000 Thank God for archaeologists and all these people that are out there with toothbrushes and shit. 1.00

01:43:51.000 Sitting there in cargo shorts with a fucking toothbrush for days. 1.00

01:43:54.000 For days. 1.00

01:43:55.000 Just scraping at things. 0.99

01:43:57.000 Trying to find little bits of pottery and shit. 0.98

01:43:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:59.000 Did you see the new radio lab that came out last week? 0.99

01:44:02.000 No, I did not.

01:44:03.000 Smarty Plants.

01:44:03.000 Oh, wow.

01:44:04.000 Yeah, it's going to freak you out.

01:44:05.000 It's only 30 minutes long.

01:44:06.000 It's a really easy listen, but there's a couple cool, cool, cool stories.

01:44:10.000 They tell plants that might have memory, for instance.

01:44:13.000 Well, they definitely know that they communicate.

01:44:15.000 They allocate resources to the more needy amongst them.

01:44:19.000 No kidding.

01:44:19.000 Yeah, they have some sort of...

01:44:22.000 Symbiotic relationship with fungi, where the fungi, the mycorrhizal relationship between certain plants and fungus, the plants and the fungus, like, exchange nutrients.

01:44:34.000 You know, fungus actually breathes air.

01:44:37.000 Did you know that?

01:44:38.000 They breathe air and exhale carbon dioxide like an animal.

01:44:41.000 And then plants breathe carbon dioxide and exhale oxygen. 1.00

01:44:46.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:44:47.000 It's madness, man. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Yeah.

01:44:50.000 Plants are a life form. 1.00

01:44:51.000 And we have this thing in our head that because they don't move, oh, they must be stupid. 0.99

01:44:56.000 But they're in some way communicating with each other in a method that we don't totally understand. 1.00

01:45:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:02.000 Which fucks vegans hard. 0.99

01:45:05.000 Yeah, right, right. 0.99

01:45:05.000 That whole self-righteousness and all the craziness that comes along with being a vegan and cruelty-free. 0.99

01:45:11.000 Not to those screaming plants that you can't hear because they scream.

01:45:15.000 I'm a salad! 1.00

01:45:16.000 They fucking scream, man. 1.00

01:45:18.000 They make noise. 1.00

01:45:19.000 And they know when they're being eaten.

01:45:21.000 That's one of the weirder things.

01:45:23.000 Not only do they know when they're being eaten, if you play sounds of a caterpillar eating leaves next to a tree, some trees change the composition, like the taste structure of the way the plants taste to animals.

01:45:38.000 They become...

01:45:40.000 What's the word?

01:45:43.000 Unpalatable. 0.66

01:45:44.000 They taste disgusting.

01:45:45.000 Wow. 0.94

01:45:46.000 They're inedible.

01:45:47.000 So these giraffes starve to death because upwind certain giraffes would be eating and then the wind comes down and through either a smell or sound or some method of transportation or transmission that we're not totally aware of,

01:46:04.000 everything downwind is changing its flavor and it becomes disgusting to the giraffes.

01:46:09.000 Wow. 1.00

01:46:09.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 1.00

01:46:10.000 That's amazing. 1.00

01:46:11.000 They're like, someone's eating us. 1.00

01:46:12.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:46:12.000 But what's crazy is it's not just something biting into it. 1.00

01:46:16.000 It's the actual sound of it.

01:46:18.000 The sound of it triggers it.

01:46:19.000 One of the things they talk about is that's how they find water.

01:46:23.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:46:24.000 No, I've read about that.

01:46:25.000 They hear the sound of water and they grow towards it.

01:46:29.000 Really?

01:46:30.000 What's crazy is they've played recordings of the sound of water and plants grow towards the recordings. 0.97

01:46:38.000 So what the fuck is going on with those things? 0.93

01:46:41.000 So they have auditory canals. 0.99

01:46:43.000 They said the roots have a very similar hair-like follicle like we have in our ear, which is how you actually hear.

01:46:49.000 You're picking up vibrations on the hairs, and that's what the roots are made up of.

01:46:53.000 Tons and tons of tiny little fiber-like hairs that become a root. 1.00

01:46:57.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:46:57.000 Wow. 1.00

01:46:58.000 It's amazing.

01:46:59.000 It's amazing.

01:47:00.000 And the difference is if I eat an animal, it's been killed and I'm eating the dead flesh. 1.00

01:47:04.000 If you're eating a salad, some of that shit's still alive. 1.00

01:47:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:08.000 Maybe that's okay.

01:47:10.000 Maybe it's okay.

01:47:11.000 I mean, here's the thing.

01:47:13.000 Maybe it's all okay.

01:47:14.000 But we have this idea that some life is more important than other life.

01:47:19.000 Yeah.

01:47:19.000 Intelligent life is more important than non-intelligent life.

01:47:21.000 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 Right?

01:47:22.000 Yeah.

01:47:23.000 I know they did this whole thing with the Olympics about how many, there's like 2,000 dog farms in South Korea where they breed dogs for eating. 0.99

01:47:33.000 And you go there and it's like, they're just regular fucking dogs. 0.98

01:47:36.000 A whole variety like you would see in a pet store. 0.99

01:47:39.000 And, you know, and we were outraged by it.

01:47:42.000 And we've sent out, you know, there's people that fly over from the States and they adopt one pet.

01:47:47.000 Meanwhile, there's like hundreds of thousands.

01:47:49.000 And you get maybe 50 rich Americans come over and adopt a pet.

01:47:52.000 They feel so good about it.

01:47:53.000 They tell everyone, I rescued her.

01:47:55.000 I know.

01:47:55.000 I rescued her from a Korean factory.

01:47:57.000 They made burgers out of her. 0.95

01:48:00.000 Oof.

01:48:01.000 Yeah, but that's weird.

01:48:02.000 I mean, for some people, a dog is food.

01:48:04.000 Yeah.

01:48:05.000 And, uh...

01:48:06.000 Whoa, what is that, Jamie?

01:48:07.000 You know, pigs are like one of the most intelligent animals.

01:48:10.000 What is that?

01:48:11.000 That's a dog farm?

01:48:12.000 Yeah, two rows of cages that'll be used for dog meat.

01:48:14.000 Oh my god.

01:48:16.000 Yeah, but meanwhile... 1.00

01:48:18.000 If those are chickens, I wouldn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:48:20.000 Right. 0.99

01:48:21.000 I'd be like, well, I don't like that they have to live like that, but I like chicken, so... 0.98

01:48:25.000 You ever, like, stop and go, you're in the middle eating chicken, and you go, this is five meals in a row that I've eaten a fucking chicken, plus eggs. 0.98

01:48:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:48:33.000 It's crazy how much of those hormones I must have in my body. 0.99

01:48:37.000 There's a big misconception about that.

01:48:39.000 Yeah, most chickens that you're eating don't have hormones in them. 0.99

01:48:42.000 Hormones are expensive, and you don't have to give the chickens hormones. 1.00

01:48:46.000 The idea is that you give a chicken hormone, that's why they're so big.

01:48:49.000 But no, they're so big through selective breeding. 0.99

01:48:53.000 If you take that girl with giant tits, and you breed her with a guy whose mom has giant tits, and everybody gets together, and then you have just a giant tit family. 1.00

01:49:01.000 That's essentially what they've done with these chickens. 0.99

01:49:03.000 They've figured out a way to breed these chickens where they have preposterously large breasts. 1.00

01:49:08.000 They can't walk sometimes.

01:49:09.000 They fall forward. 1.00

01:49:10.000 They're all fucked up. 1.00

01:49:11.000 They're not like a regular chicken. 1.00

01:49:12.000 The chickens I have in my yard, they run around, they jump up in the air, and they fly a couple of steps.

01:49:17.000 They're normal chickens.

01:49:18.000 So they're flat-chested.

01:49:20.000 Yeah, they're like little gymnastics chickens.

01:49:24.000 As opposed to stripper chickens. 1.00

01:49:26.000 Right, right. 0.98

01:49:26.000 You want to get some stripper chickens with double E fake tits that can crush beer cans. 0.98

01:49:30.000 You ever seen those gals? 1.00

01:49:31.000 When they hold a beer can, they take one of their whoppers and they just smash that beer can with them.

01:49:35.000 Right.

01:49:35.000 Yeah, you're eating dinner.

01:49:36.000 Why is there glitter on the chicken?

01:49:38.000 Well, she's got a backstory.

01:49:42.000 Why is there a dollar bill inside the chicken?

01:49:44.000 Yeah, so when you think that you're getting hormones from food, most likely that's not the case.

01:49:51.000 But it's highly likely that, especially with beef, especially corn-fed beef, you're getting antibiotics because they get sick.

01:50:00.000 So you're most likely not getting hormones.

01:50:03.000 But there's some hormones in the animal themselves and there's a certain amount of selective breeding that I'm sure would have more hormones than less, which would encourage the animals to have larger bodies and develop more food.

01:50:16.000 But I think for the most part, the largeness is due to their diet.

01:50:21.000 Like if you take a cow and you feed it grass, it takes much longer for them to reach the size that they would like the cow to reach before they butcher it.

01:50:31.000 But if you feed them corn, they fatten up real quick. 0.98

01:50:35.000 And then obviously there's extremes like that Wagyu shit and Kobe. 0.99

01:50:39.000 Kobe beef where you get it's just literally a dying animal. 1.00

01:50:42.000 It's just filled with fat.

01:50:43.000 You ever get those things?

01:50:44.000 Yeah.

01:50:45.000 It's like if Mike Sullivan Irwin was a cow.

01:50:47.000 It's just...

01:50:48.000 Sorry, Mike.

01:50:49.000 Rest in peace.

01:50:50.000 God bless you.

01:50:51.000 He's up there.

01:50:53.000 This cow is essentially like they've just given this guy this terrible diet.

01:50:58.000 Yeah.

01:50:59.000 And they're fat all over their body.

01:51:01.000 And not exercise.

01:51:02.000 And no exercise.

01:51:03.000 They even massage them, I think.

01:51:04.000 Yeah.

01:51:05.000 I think they do in Japan.

01:51:06.000 That's like part of the deal.

01:51:07.000 They give them beer and then they massage them.

01:51:10.000 Is there a happy ending?

01:51:12.000 No, because they're steers. 0.99

01:51:14.000 So if they're steers, it means they don't have any balls. 0.98

01:51:16.000 You know what a steer is? 1.00

01:51:17.000 They take a bull, they cut his balls off. 0.98

01:51:20.000 And that's what a steer is. 0.97

01:51:21.000 So most of the time when you're buying...

01:51:23.000 Like if you buy ground beef, I think...

01:51:26.000 I hope I'm not wrong with this, but I think sometimes ground beef is a cow, like a female, and maybe they stop producing milk or they get to a certain age and they shoot them and then they grind them up. 0.99

01:51:37.000 But if you buy steaks, like USDA Prime T-Bone, you get a nice T-Bone steak, that's coming from a steer.

01:51:43.000 So that's a cow that cut his balls off and then they fatten them up. 1.00

01:51:48.000 I didn't know that. 0.97

01:51:49.000 Ground beef is the cow.

01:51:52.000 Sometimes.

01:51:53.000 I think ground beef sometimes can be steered to, like certain cuts.

01:51:56.000 But I think in some cases, I hope I'm not wrong about this, but I do know that most of the steaks you get, if you buy like a nice ribeye or something like that, you're getting it from a steer.

01:52:05.000 Isn't there also some chemical that's released, they say, when they slaughter beef, that they get scared?

01:52:10.000 Adrenaline.

01:52:11.000 And then that you're eating some kind of a chemical sometimes as a result?

01:52:15.000 Well, there is a definite taste that people think happens to an animal when they're scared.

01:52:21.000 And...

01:52:22.000 If you shoot an animal and it's wounded and it's scared and maybe you have to follow up with a second shot or something like that, that animal will not taste as good as an animal that has no idea what hit it.

01:52:35.000 That's why there's a guy that I know that's a chef of a very famous San Francisco restaurant, Saison, I think it is.

01:52:43.000 I think that's the name of it.

01:52:44.000 He was on my friend Steve Rinella's podcast.

01:52:47.000 Steve Rinella has a podcast called Meat Eater and he's a Pretty famous hunter and chef himself.

01:52:52.000 But one of the things that this chef of this, this is like one of the very few Michelin blah blah blah stars.

01:53:00.000 I don't know how many fucking Michelin stars it has, but it's like very, very highly rated restaurant. 0.99

01:53:03.000 He shoots the animals in the head only. 0.99

01:53:06.000 When he goes hunting, he's hunting and he only shoots them in the head. 1.00

01:53:10.000 So he has to have a close shot with a very accurate rifle, shoots them in the head so they die instantly. 0.99

01:53:16.000 They have no idea what happened. 1.00

01:53:17.000 Boom, they're dead.

01:53:18.000 No adrenaline dump, nothing.

01:53:20.000 And then that way, According to him, you get the finest flavor from the food.

01:53:25.000 Wow.

01:53:26.000 Yeah.

01:53:26.000 That's a harder shot, too, because that's the thing that's moving the most on the animal, the head.

01:53:31.000 Could be.

01:53:31.000 I mean, it could just be sitting there eating.

01:53:33.000 A lot of times they're eating grass or something like that.

01:53:36.000 Obviously, we're talking about wild animals.

01:53:39.000 You know, it would be really easy to do for a cow or something like that.

01:53:43.000 They would have no idea.

01:53:44.000 They're just sitting there eating.

01:53:45.000 You could set up on a bench with a rifle and just take them out and they would have no idea.

01:53:49.000 But most of the time with cows, they use that cattle rod on their brain that that guy used in No Country for Old Men.

01:53:55.000 Yeah.

01:53:56.000 I remember that dude would come around with that and he'd put it on people's heads and batonk!

01:53:58.000 Right.

01:53:59.000 Yeah, that's how they kill cows. 1.00

01:54:01.000 And they're being corralled into the slaughterhouse, and they know what's happening.

01:54:07.000 They know something's not good.

01:54:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:08.000 I don't think they know exactly what it is, but they definitely think they're fucked. 1.00

01:54:11.000 Oh, I think if plants can tell that a giraffe is eating from a mile away, I think cows can tell that there's a killing field right in front of them. 1.00

01:54:20.000 You know what the worst shit is? 1.00

01:54:21.000 Kosher. 1.00

01:54:23.000 Oh, why?

01:54:23.000 The way they do it.

01:54:25.000 I don't know about that.

01:54:26.000 They slice their neck, and they bleed out, and then they hang them up by their ankles. 1.00

01:54:30.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

01:54:30.000 They're just fucking flopping around, bleeding. 1.00

01:54:32.000 It's terrible. 1.00

01:54:33.000 Cows?

01:54:34.000 It's terrible.

01:54:34.000 Cows, yeah.

01:54:35.000 When you buy kosher beef, there's a very specific ritual that has to be gone through, that has to be accomplished in order to proclaim beef kosher.

01:54:46.000 It has to be a very sharp knife, and I believe it all has to be done by a rabbi. 1.00

01:54:50.000 Yeah.

01:54:51.000 See if that's true. 1.00

01:54:52.000 Damn! 0.99

01:54:53.000 Yeah, but I've watched it. 1.00

01:54:54.000 I've watched it in videos.

01:54:55.000 And it's like, okay, this is terrible.

01:54:58.000 Yeah. 0.90

01:54:58.000 But kosher hot dogs are pretty goddamn delicious. 0.90

01:55:01.000 They're the best. 0.91

01:55:02.000 They really are.

01:55:03.000 I mean, it's like two different types of food. 0.97

01:55:05.000 There's kosher hot dogs and there's shitty hot dogs. 0.83

01:55:08.000 I think kosher also, it has to be hormone free, it has to be antibiotics free, and I think they have to be on a specific diet. 0.83

01:55:16.000 I think there's like a bunch of things. 0.99

01:55:17.000 Well, regular hot dogs, they put the fucking beaks and the feet, everything's in there. 1.00

01:55:21.000 Oh yeah, assholes, dicks. 1.00

01:55:22.000 And I think with kosher, they don't put all that shit in there. 1.00

01:55:25.000 Maybe. 1.00

01:55:26.000 That would make sense.

01:55:27.000 I haven't had a good hot dog in a while.

01:55:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:55:29.000 A good fucking New York City hot dog. 0.99

01:55:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:32.000 Oh, it's hard. 1.00

01:55:34.000 Some onions on it or some ralli.

01:55:35.000 What do you put on your hot dog?

01:55:36.000 I'm a big sauerkraut guy.

01:55:38.000 Sauerkraut and a brown spicy mustard.

01:55:40.000 Yep.

01:55:40.000 Oh!

01:55:41.000 Yeah, I love that.

01:55:42.000 Come on.

01:55:43.000 I like Graves Papaya on 6th Avenue.

01:55:45.000 Ooh, that's a good spot.

01:55:46.000 You get two dogs and the papaya drink for like $3.

01:55:49.000 That's a good spot.

01:55:50.000 Yeah.

01:55:51.000 Yeah, that's an interesting place too.

01:55:52.000 It's like probably hasn't changed much since the beginning of time.

01:55:57.000 Yeah.

01:56:18.000 Yeah.

01:56:19.000 And she's a great acting teacher.

01:56:22.000 I went to her, she's a coach, and I used to go to her classes, and then I went in one time for a private session at her apartment, and when I was coming out, she was like, you gotta go, you gotta go.

01:56:31.000 It was like a rush job. 0.99

01:56:32.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:56:33.000 And I walk out, and Mariah Carey's standing there waiting to come in and get coached. 1.00

01:56:37.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:56:38.000 Yeah.

01:56:38.000 Mariah Carey's taking acting lessons.

01:56:40.000 Yeah.

01:56:41.000 That's a weird transition, right?

01:56:43.000 Like, it's a normal transition for a comic to become an actor.

01:56:46.000 Yeah.

01:56:46.000 But for a singer?

01:56:47.000 I know.

01:56:48.000 It's like, huh?

01:56:49.000 Right.

01:56:49.000 Rappers can do it, no problem.

01:56:51.000 Rappers seem to make that transition.

01:56:54.000 Yeah.

01:56:54.000 12 years now on that show?

01:56:56.000 Tupac did a gang of movies.

01:56:57.000 He's amazing.

01:56:58.000 Yeah.

01:56:58.000 Biggie never did a movie, though, did he?

01:57:00.000 Nope.

01:57:01.000 Hmm.

01:57:05.000 Interesting.

01:57:05.000 He's my favorite.

01:57:06.000 He's my favorite of all time.

01:57:07.000 Him and Nas.

01:57:09.000 Only one who is knowledgeable in the laws of slaughtering.

01:57:13.000 What is that word?

01:57:16.000 Where's Ari when we need him? 0.98

01:57:17.000 Call him up on his flip phone.

01:57:19.000 S-H-E-H-I-T-A-H, Shehita, and proficient in its practice, and who is a believing, pious Jew, may act as the slaughterer, Shohet, 1.00

01:57:36.000 In performance of the commandment, it is the prevalent custom that the shohet must receive written authorization from a recognized rabbinical authority attesting to the aforesaid qualifications.

01:57:49.000 Okay, so you have to have written authorization from a rabbi saying that you know what you're doing.

01:57:58.000 The Sheteh must be done by means of a swift, smooth cut of a sharp knife whose blade is free of any dent or imperfection. 0.98

01:58:08.000 Wow.

01:58:27.000 Wow.

01:58:30.000 Wow.

01:58:38.000 Excessive pressure or chopping.

01:58:41.000 You can't eat it.

01:58:42.000 Burrowing the knife between the trachea and the esophagus or under the skin.

01:58:46.000 You can't eat it.

01:58:47.000 D. Making the incision outside the specific area.

01:58:51.000 You can't eat it.

01:58:52.000 And E. Laceration or tearing of the trachea or esophagus which would result from an imperfect blade.

01:58:59.000 An animal or fowl that has been improperly slaughtered or as already noted that is not slaughtered but dies of itself.

01:59:07.000 It's considered carrion, novella, and unfit for food.

01:59:13.000 God, they're picky.

01:59:14.000 That's so picky.

01:59:16.000 It is forbidden to slaughter the parent with its young on the same day.

01:59:20.000 It's in Leviticus, 22-28. 1.00

01:59:23.000 Leviticus had some hardcore shit. 1.00

01:59:26.000 Hard core shit. 1.00

01:59:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:27.000 Yeah, that's a hardcore book of the Bible. 1.00

01:59:30.000 That's the quote from Pulp Fiction that...

01:59:33.000 I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.

01:59:39.000 From Ezekiel.

01:59:40.000 Is that from Ezekiel?

01:59:41.000 Yeah.

01:59:41.000 Oh.

01:59:42.000 It's actually from a few, but...

01:59:43.000 Ezekiel's weird, too.

01:59:45.000 Like, Ezekiel's the one that the UFO dorks always point to, because Ezekiel had some sort of a vision of a wheel within a wheel, like some sort of a vision that they think was some visitor from outer space. 0.99

01:59:57.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

01:59:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:59:58.000 Wow.

01:59:58.000 I think they were tripping.

01:59:59.000 I think they were just eating mushrooms.

02:00:01.000 That's what I think.

02:00:02.000 Well, yeah. 0.97

02:00:03.000 Well, the last book about the Armageddon, that's fucking trippy. 1.00

02:00:09.000 That's some sci-fi shit. 1.00

02:00:10.000 Bad trip. 1.00

02:00:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:00:11.000 Bad trip.

02:00:11.000 Wrote it all down.

02:00:12.000 Well, they say that the—I forget who wrote the book of Revelations, but they say that it occurred at the same time as the Pompeii exploded.

02:00:23.000 Wow.

02:00:23.000 And that he was really just describing what was happening in Italy.

02:00:27.000 Really?

02:00:27.000 When is Pompeii?

02:00:28.000 I want to feel like— It's like 400 or something.

02:00:31.000 A.D.? Yeah.

02:00:32.000 Right?

02:00:32.000 Well, most of the Bible wasn't written until 200 or 300 years after.

02:00:36.000 New Testament, right?

02:00:37.000 Yeah.

02:00:38.000 Well, but a lot of it was like older stories that they had to pick and choose what to keep.

02:00:43.000 Yeah.

02:00:44.000 There it goes.

02:00:45.000 79. Oh, 79. In the summer of 79. August 24th to 25th.

02:00:51.000 We visited it.

02:00:52.000 Did you go there when you went to Italy?

02:00:53.000 I did not.

02:00:54.000 Yeah, we went.

02:00:55.000 It was pretty wild.

02:00:55.000 Yeah, I did not.

02:00:56.000 I was having such a good time in Ravello.

02:00:59.000 I just stayed up there and ate pasta and swam.

02:01:01.000 Yeah.

02:01:02.000 Is that on the...

02:01:04.000 Malfi Coast?

02:01:05.000 Malfi Coast, yeah.

02:01:06.000 We went to Ravello, which is up high, and then we went to Malfi Coast, which is down low.

02:01:10.000 Yeah.

02:01:10.000 And then we went to Capri, went to the island.

02:01:12.000 Oh, you did?

02:01:12.000 Yeah.

02:01:13.000 I hear that that boat ride is a little crowded, though.

02:01:15.000 Yeah.

02:01:15.000 It's not the best.

02:01:17.000 Yeah.

02:01:17.000 You just deal with it.

02:01:19.000 You get to the island.

02:01:20.000 You have awesome fish and seafood. 1.00

02:01:22.000 The fucking food there is just so sick. 1.00

02:01:24.000 It's amazing. 1.00

02:01:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:25.000 I throw all my dietary restrictions out the goddamn window if I go to Italy. 0.99

02:01:30.000 Somehow they don't get fat. 0.99

02:01:32.000 I mean, you're in Italy and these people are eating pasta and cheese and wine and they just seem to not be fat.

02:01:39.000 They get a little paunch, but that's about it. 0.56

02:01:41.000 Well, they walk like crazy.

02:01:43.000 I also think that they're dealing with heirloom wheat.

02:01:47.000 Their wheat is a different kind of wheat.

02:01:49.000 And it's, you know, the wheat that we have today, and someone corrected me on this.

02:01:53.000 I guess I used the wrong term. 0.94

02:01:55.000 When I said genetically modified, it has been modified, but it's been modified through traditional agricultural methods of like splicing and, you know, however the fuck they did it. 0.96

02:02:04.000 It's not like it was done with a dude in a lab coat. 0.96

02:02:06.000 Yeah.

02:02:06.000 But nonetheless, the wheat that you get today...

02:02:10.000 It's very different than the wheat of, say, 200 years ago.

02:02:13.000 The wheat of 200 years ago was a small plant.

02:02:16.000 It didn't have a high yield.

02:02:17.000 And now what they've done through this selective breeding is create this really thick, heavy wheat that has a lot of complex glutens.

02:02:26.000 And that's one of the reasons why so many people have gluten sensitivity today.

02:02:29.000 It's just a more complex thing for your body to digest. 0.99

02:02:32.000 So if you're eating fucking Wonder Bread and shit, all that stuff is just sitting in your gut like... 1.00

02:02:39.000 That feeling. 1.00

02:02:40.000 That's what it feels like, right? 0.99

02:02:41.000 When you have a big fucking bowl of pasta, you feel like there's like... 0.99

02:02:45.000 Because that's what your body's doing. 0.99

02:02:47.000 Your body's like trying to compress and digest and what do we got to do with all this stuff? 1.00

02:02:53.000 It's all this fucking glue this asshole just ate. 1.00

02:02:55.000 He just ate paste. 1.00

02:02:57.000 Not only that, but why is it with pasta?

02:03:00.000 They give you like, it's the size of your head. 1.00

02:03:02.000 Do I need that much of this shit? 1.00

02:03:04.000 There's no other meal they give you that quantity of. 1.00

02:03:07.000 No.

02:03:07.000 There used to be a restaurant in Santa Monica called Il Grano.

02:03:12.000 And it's done now.

02:03:13.000 It went under. 0.97

02:03:15.000 But when it first opened, it was fucking amazing. 0.98

02:03:18.000 And Callan took me there. 0.97

02:03:20.000 And we ate there.

02:03:22.000 And we had squid ink pasta.

02:03:25.000 And they would give you, like, it was a multi-course meal where they'd give you, like, a plate of this and a plate of that.

02:03:30.000 And every plate was about the size of your fist.

02:03:31.000 Everything was fairly small.

02:03:33.000 That's it right there.

02:03:34.000 Woo! 1.00

02:03:34.000 That shit was good. 1.00

02:03:35.000 That's got sea urchin on top of it, which is amazing, but squid ink pasta. 1.00

02:03:41.000 Yeah, I love that shit. 0.99

02:03:42.000 The stuff that we had had crab. 1.00

02:03:45.000 It had Dungeness crab and squid ink pasta.

02:03:47.000 To this day, I think about it.

02:03:49.000 It's like one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten in my life, but...

02:03:52.000 A small portion.

02:03:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:53.000 Not the size of your fucking head. 1.00

02:03:55.000 Right. 1.00

02:03:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:56.000 You ever go to Cheesecake Factory?

02:03:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:57.000 You see all the fat people eating double entrees.

02:04:00.000 You know what's the worst?

02:04:02.000 Bucca de Beppo.

02:04:03.000 Or the best.

02:04:04.000 Oh, you took me there once.

02:04:05.000 I used to work there.

02:04:06.000 Oh, did you?

02:04:07.000 Yeah.

02:04:08.000 In Columbus?

02:04:09.000 Yeah, a long time, yeah. 1.00

02:04:09.000 They give you a goddamn bathtub full of pasta. 1.00

02:04:12.000 It's family style, so it's not for one person, but yeah. 0.99

02:04:15.000 It's a big misconception.

02:04:16.000 They get crazy, though. 0.99

02:04:17.000 They give you a rigatoni with meat sauce and cheese, and you're like, holy shit! 1.00

02:04:21.000 Who the fuck is eating all this? 1.00

02:04:23.000 But if you just want to gorge, you just want to go deep, it's amazing. 1.00

02:04:28.000 You know?

02:04:30.000 Lasagna.

02:04:33.000 That was one of my favorite Trump stories.

02:04:39.000 The Trump story about the pizza with little pizzas on top of it.

02:04:43.000 What?

02:04:44.000 Did we ever find out that was real?

02:04:45.000 I don't know.

02:04:45.000 That's what he was eating?

02:04:46.000 One of the stories of one of his mistresses, that's one of the things that she said, is that he ordered a pizza, but for the toppings he wanted little pizzas on the pizza.

02:05:00.000 I don't know if that's real or not real, but that's just like him. 0.99

02:05:04.000 He also got shit for when he was in New York and he was running. 0.99

02:05:06.000 He ate a pizza with a knife and a fork, and he got a ton of shit about that. 1.00

02:05:11.000 Yeah, maybe he doesn't like to get his hands dirty. 1.00

02:05:13.000 It's satire.

02:05:14.000 It is outside?

02:05:15.000 Yeah, I mean, it sounded so fake.

02:05:16.000 It sounds so good, though.

02:05:18.000 Sounds so good.

02:05:19.000 That is something that someone should make.

02:05:21.000 Pizzas with little pizzas as toppings?

02:05:23.000 That's real.

02:05:23.000 The Trump part of it was fake.

02:05:26.000 But there is really pizzas with little pizzas on top of it?

02:05:29.000 Who makes that? 0.93

02:05:32.000 Some restaurant.

02:05:32.000 I don't even want it.

02:05:33.000 I'll show you what it looks like.

02:05:34.000 I don't want it, but I want to be there when it gets made.

02:05:37.000 Well, what is it that they stuff in the crust of pizzas now?

02:05:41.000 Look at that.

02:05:42.000 It's pizza with little pizzas on top of it.

02:05:44.000 Oh, yeah.

02:05:44.000 Wow, that actually looks delicious.

02:05:46.000 Oh, and it's a bunch of different kinds of little pizzas on top of it.

02:05:49.000 Huh.

02:05:49.000 I like.

02:05:51.000 Pizza Hut got better.

02:05:52.000 Did it?

02:05:53.000 Not Pizza Hut.

02:05:54.000 Domino's.

02:05:54.000 Did it?

02:05:55.000 Domino's used to fucking suck. 1.00

02:05:57.000 Really? 1.00

02:05:58.000 But now it's like decent pizza.

02:06:01.000 Wow.

02:06:01.000 Paid for by Domino's.

02:06:03.000 When was the last time you had it?

02:06:05.000 A couple months ago. 1.00

02:06:06.000 Damn. 1.00

02:06:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:06:08.000 Wasn't bad.

02:06:09.000 Damn. 0.99

02:06:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:10.000 I mean... 1.00

02:06:12.000 I hate to sound like every other New Yorker, but it really is.

02:06:14.000 It's hard to find pizza out here in LA that's decent.

02:06:17.000 It's the water, right?

02:06:18.000 That's what everybody says.

02:06:19.000 I guess so.

02:06:19.000 But has anybody made a real pizza where they took the water from New York and brought it over here?

02:06:25.000 Can you steal water from New York and bring it to a business in LA? Can you just like open up a fucking faucet, fill up jugs? 0.99

02:06:31.000 We need it. 1.00

02:06:32.000 We're going dry again.

02:06:33.000 I love it.

02:06:33.000 We had a drought last year that was so devastating that it was all anybody talked about.

02:06:39.000 And we got, what do we get, a month of rain?

02:06:41.000 And then they just said, okay, all restrictions are off.

02:06:44.000 Yeah.

02:06:45.000 And now, of course, six months later, they're like, oh, we got another drought coming. 0.98

02:06:48.000 It's like, how about we just don't take fucking 20 minute showers? 0.99

02:06:52.000 Permanently. 1.00

02:06:52.000 Yeah, but they feel good, and you're not going to live forever, so fuck all these people. 1.00

02:06:56.000 Get your water from Portland. 1.00

02:06:58.000 Yeah.

02:06:58.000 Just get a pipe.

02:06:59.000 Put a pipe up in Seattle and bring that goddamn water down here. 1.00

02:07:02.000 Well, you know, that's what was happening during the drought when... 0.99

02:07:06.000 What's the rich town up by Santa Barbara?

02:07:08.000 Montecito?

02:07:09.000 Montecito.

02:07:09.000 Montecito?

02:07:10.000 Yeah.

02:07:10.000 With Oprah and all these people.

02:07:12.000 Apparently they were bringing in so many tankers full of water to water their grass that it was like damaging the streets of Montecito.

02:07:20.000 And the other citizens were complaining about the tankers that were coming in.

02:07:24.000 So the tankers were all fucking up the roads?

02:07:26.000 Yeah.

02:07:26.000 That's hilarious.

02:07:27.000 There are some rich fucking people up there, dude. 1.00

02:07:29.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:07:30.000 There's a house that I saw that was up there for sale for $85 million. 0.99

02:07:34.000 No shit. 0.99

02:07:35.000 Can you imagine how a baller you have to be to spend $85 million on a house? 1.00

02:07:41.000 And then pay the taxes and the maintenance on it.

02:07:43.000 Oh, yeah.

02:07:43.000 Every month.

02:07:44.000 Yeah.

02:07:44.000 How about your mortgage?

02:07:45.000 What's your mortgage on an $85 million house?

02:07:49.000 I'd say it's like $150,000 a month.

02:07:53.000 A million dollars would cost you about $4,000 a month.

02:07:57.000 Here we go.

02:07:58.000 Santa Barbara, $85 million.

02:08:01.000 Estimated mortgage, $343,295 a month.

02:08:05.000 That's the house. 1.00

02:08:07.000 Look at that fucking house, though. 1.00

02:08:09.000 That is crazy. 1.00

02:08:10.000 I mean, who lives there?

02:08:13.000 Jay-Z? Can Jay-Z buy that house?

02:08:15.000 He can buy it.

02:08:16.000 I think they bought one for like $80 or something in Bel Air.

02:08:18.000 Holla! 1.00

02:08:19.000 12 bedrooms, 13 baths.

02:08:21.000 I would feel like if I paid all that money, I would have to spend time in my house all the time.

02:08:25.000 I wouldn't go anywhere.

02:08:27.000 You would feel like that unless you were worth billions of dollars. 1.00

02:08:31.000 If you were worth billions of dollars, you wouldn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:08:33.000 Look, they have like a horse thing. 0.99

02:08:34.000 I wonder if they have a heliport.

02:08:36.000 Oh, for sure.

02:08:37.000 They probably have like a time machine. 1.00

02:08:42.000 They probably have all kinds of crazy shit. 1.00

02:08:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:08:47.000 1931. Wow.

02:08:48.000 Well, there's a lot of that up there.

02:08:50.000 You know, they built it up there sort of to model Italy.

02:08:53.000 There's a lot of Italians that live up there.

02:08:56.000 I mean, that's why it has an Italian name.

02:08:58.000 And there's a lot of, like, really legit Italian restaurants.

02:09:01.000 Yeah.

02:09:02.000 It's the same climate.

02:09:03.000 Dry, mountainous on the ocean.

02:09:04.000 Yeah, they grow a lot of wine up there, too.

02:09:06.000 Yeah.

02:09:06.000 I was up there.

02:09:07.000 I saw Lucille Ball.

02:09:08.000 She was at a restaurant.

02:09:11.000 Yeah.

02:09:11.000 You saw Lucille Ball?

02:09:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:13.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:09:15.000 Oh, no. 0.99

02:09:15.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

02:09:16.000 Carol Burnett.

02:09:17.000 Oh.

02:09:17.000 When did Lucia Ball die?

02:09:19.000 She died like a long time ago, right?

02:09:21.000 Carol Burnett.

02:09:21.000 Carol Burnett's still alive.

02:09:22.000 I saw Carol Burnett.

02:09:24.000 She's having her little comeback now. 0.61

02:09:25.000 Is she? 0.95

02:09:26.000 Well, they had like the 50th anniversary of her show, and so they did a big one-hour special on TV that was fucking great.

02:09:31.000 I watched some I Love Lucy's the other day.

02:09:33.000 I watched them on YouTube, and I was like, wow.

02:09:35.000 Or somewhere online.

02:09:36.000 I was like, wow, it's crazy.

02:09:38.000 It's such a time machine.

02:09:39.000 Such a weird show.

02:09:41.000 Yeah.

02:09:42.000 I mean, it was so like, it was like a play.

02:09:44.000 I feel like there was one camera just shooting them flat the whole time.

02:09:48.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:09:49.000 Just wide shots of the whole room.

02:09:53.000 I think about like, what I think about is like how today sitcoms are all everybody's young and gorgeous.

02:09:58.000 And then you go back to shows like that and you go like, look at the Mertzes. 0.94

02:10:02.000 They were like fucking 57 years old. 0.96

02:10:05.000 Back then everybody looked like they were old even when they weren't. 0.99

02:10:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:10:09.000 Look at that.

02:10:10.000 Look at the Mertzes. 1.00

02:10:12.000 Yeah.

02:10:13.000 Wow.

02:10:15.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:10:16.000 And he was fucking everybody. 0.99

02:10:19.000 Who was Desi Arnaz? 0.99

02:10:20.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:20.000 Oh, how could he not be?

02:10:22.000 Big star.

02:10:23.000 It was actually really sad.

02:10:24.000 She had a booming career, and then she wanted to spend time with him and get him involved, so they started Desilu Productions, and I think they were the first talent to create their own studio for their show so they could own it. 0.95

02:10:40.000 And so he was, you know, he was the executive on the show like she was, and she created this whole world for them to be together, and then he just fucked everybody. 0.76

02:10:50.000 That's what they did back then, especially back then. 0.91

02:10:54.000 Probably nobody knew what, like, a star was a new thing.

02:10:57.000 Right.

02:10:58.000 Right?

02:10:58.000 Like, I played this video yesterday Jamie sent me.

02:11:01.000 I put it on my Instagram of Elvis doing karate.

02:11:06.000 And it's a crazy video.

02:11:08.000 And you watch Elvis do this nonsense karate, and he's so obviously pilled out of his mind, so obviously high, that when you're watching it, you're thinking, we're not playing this on...

02:11:18.000 Don't even play the volume.

02:11:21.000 So when you're watching this, and Elvis is going through all this, you realize this guy was one of the very first real superstars.

02:11:31.000 There was no road map.

02:11:33.000 How did this guy learn how to behave?

02:11:35.000 Yeah.

02:11:37.000 I mean, look at him.

02:11:37.000 He's smiling, high as a kite.

02:11:39.000 Now check this out.

02:11:40.000 Look at this.

02:11:40.000 Karate.

02:11:41.000 The guy's just laying on the ground.

02:11:42.000 He stomps on his stomach.

02:11:44.000 He goes knee to belly.

02:11:45.000 That's legit.

02:11:46.000 And look at this.

02:11:47.000 Claws, the eyes, and the mouth at the same time.

02:11:51.000 And then they're like, okay, you're done?

02:11:52.000 He's like, no, no, no.

02:11:53.000 Hold on a second, man.

02:11:54.000 I got some more ideas.

02:11:55.000 Hold on.

02:11:56.000 Hold on.

02:11:56.000 Puts his hand up.

02:11:57.000 No.

02:11:57.000 Watch this.

02:11:58.000 Stay close.

02:11:59.000 Look at that.

02:11:59.000 I got some karate moves.

02:12:01.000 Karate moves.

02:12:01.000 I'm doing all over them.

02:12:02.000 A bunch of karate moves. 0.99

02:12:03.000 He does all this crazy karate shit and then it helps him up. 0.98

02:12:06.000 Yeah, I'll help you up. 0.99

02:12:07.000 Go ahead.

02:12:07.000 That's hilarious.

02:12:09.000 I got a red belt.

02:12:10.000 Better than a black belt.

02:12:12.000 Look at this.

02:12:12.000 The guy throws a punch, steps aside.

02:12:14.000 I'm going to step aside and throw a karate kick.

02:12:16.000 Wow.

02:12:17.000 He does disarming things in that video too that are pretty funny.

02:12:19.000 It's a real long video.

02:12:21.000 It's amazing because all my life I always heard, yeah, Elvis was a black belt under Ed Parker.

02:12:28.000 Because Ed Parker, when I was a kid, was a legitimate karate instructor.

02:12:33.000 Like everybody knew who Ed Parker was.

02:12:34.000 In Los Angeles?

02:12:36.000 Boy, that's a good question.

02:12:37.000 I do not know where he was originally, but I know he had, I believe he had places all over the country.

02:12:43.000 Well, your guy who worked with him, where did he grow up?

02:12:47.000 He grew up out here, yeah.

02:12:49.000 He went to, but I think Ed Parker had a chain.

02:12:52.000 Like, do you remember when we were living in Boston, there was Fred Velary's?

02:12:55.000 Do you remember Fred Velary's?

02:12:56.000 Karate studios.

02:12:57.000 They had Fred Valari's self-defense studios.

02:12:59.000 They were everywhere.

02:13:00.000 They were everywhere.

02:13:01.000 They were all over the place.

02:13:02.000 And what they had basically done is figured out how to teach karate in a digestible form that families could go to, and it just became this big business.

02:13:10.000 But Ed Parker was thought of as super legit.

02:13:14.000 That was one of the guys.

02:13:16.000 There's a few guys.

02:13:19.000 American karate people, there's American martial arts people, there's Dan Inosanto, there was, you know, Bob Wall, there was Ed Parker.

02:13:26.000 Like, he was a legit guy.

02:13:28.000 And I always thought that Elvis was legit.

02:13:31.000 I'd never seen, until that video, I'd only seen like a couple of things, like him on stage throwing kicks.

02:13:37.000 That was crazy.

02:13:38.000 The punches at the end is the craziest, because they're nowhere near the guy's head.

02:13:42.000 I like how his hands are taped up, too.

02:13:44.000 Gotta tape your hands up, man.

02:13:45.000 Gotta make sure.

02:13:46.000 This guy's gonna throw a kick.

02:13:47.000 I'm gonna show you.

02:13:48.000 Go ahead, throw a kick.

02:13:50.000 Try it again. 1.00

02:13:52.000 Look, he's got a fucking shirt with a collar on underneath his karate gig. 1.00

02:13:57.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:13:58.000 Look at that. 0.99

02:13:58.000 He fucking karate chops him and then walks away. 0.99

02:14:01.000 Walk away, man. 1.00

02:14:02.000 Walk away.

02:14:03.000 Elvis Presley, what does it say?

02:14:05.000 Gladiators Project, 1974. There's a guy coming at me like this.

02:14:09.000 I'm going to tell you right now.

02:14:10.000 Just grab your arm.

02:14:10.000 And that guy, he's like a real karate guy.

02:14:12.000 He's like, this is bullshit. 1.00

02:14:14.000 Look, he's clawing at the hands. 1.00

02:14:15.000 Oh, he's a head. 0.88

02:14:16.000 He's got a head. 0.95

02:14:16.000 Ah, yanking. 0.95

02:14:18.000 Ah, elbow him there. 0.94

02:14:19.000 Man, I'm going to get him right here. 1.00

02:14:20.000 Hit him in the back. 1.00

02:14:22.000 He's like making shit up as he goes along. 1.00

02:14:24.000 I'm gonna elbow him right in the face. 1.00

02:14:25.000 Oh, he's got a gun? 1.00

02:14:27.000 Fuck that gun. 1.00

02:14:28.000 I'm gonna karate you. 1.00

02:14:30.000 Wow.

02:14:31.000 But to that guy, I mean, the level of fame that he had achieved was unfathomable.

02:14:39.000 I mean, no one had any idea what that was.

02:14:43.000 And then Michael Jackson after him.

02:14:45.000 And it was all a fantasy.

02:14:45.000 I mean, you know, marrying...

02:14:47.000 How old was Priscilla? 0.99

02:14:48.000 14 or...?

02:14:49.000 Yeah, she was very young.

02:14:50.000 And just...

02:14:52.000 Right in the ear, man. 1.00

02:14:54.000 I'm going to chop your ear. 1.00

02:14:55.000 I'm going to get behind them, because a lot of people lay behind you when they're attacking you. 0.99

02:14:59.000 I'm going to get behind them.

02:15:00.000 I'm just elbowing the back.

02:15:01.000 Hook out!

02:15:01.000 Come out here with a...

02:15:03.000 Palm strike to the head. 1.00

02:15:04.000 Try to get me with a gun. 0.99

02:15:06.000 Good luck.

02:15:07.000 Good luck.

02:15:08.000 I'm on pills.

02:15:09.000 Ha! 0.89

02:15:10.000 He was on pills for a long time.

02:15:12.000 He enjoyed it.

02:15:13.000 He's on pills right now.

02:15:14.000 Yeah, he's loving life.

02:15:15.000 Look at that.

02:15:15.000 Look at this.

02:15:15.000 Come on, man.

02:15:17.000 He's got a gun, but I don't give a fuck because I got my hand and he's going to stay put. 1.00

02:15:22.000 I'll get my hand right up his head. 1.00

02:15:24.000 Come on, peanut butter and banana sandwich. 0.95

02:15:26.000 There's no way he didn't accidentally punch those guys in the face constantly.

02:15:30.000 Oh, he probably did, yeah.

02:15:31.000 They're probably mad at him.

02:15:32.000 Yeah.

02:15:33.000 Yeah.

02:15:33.000 Just kept taking it.

02:15:34.000 Well, that's the thing about, like, karate. 0.99

02:15:37.000 There's always been bullshit karate black belts. 0.71

02:15:42.000 And they can kind of get away with it because most of the time you don't really spar.

02:15:46.000 And when you do spar, you kind of like take it light and you're like, ah, I could have got you right there.

02:15:50.000 You do a bunch of that stuff.

02:15:52.000 I always saw a lot of that.

02:15:54.000 That doesn't happen with jiu-jitsu.

02:15:55.000 Because jiu-jitsu, because you can kind of do it full blast, like karate, you can, but it's not wise and you can't do it for very long if you full blast punch and kick each other.

02:16:05.000 You wind up hurting everybody. 0.99

02:16:07.000 Everybody's going to get fucked up, including you. 1.00

02:16:10.000 You would be fighting, like fist fighting all the time. 0.99

02:16:13.000 But with jujitsu, because of the fact that you roll, meaning you spar, but that sparring does not involve striking, and you can tap out when you're in a bad position, you can literally go full blast.

02:16:24.000 So you really find out people that are good.

02:16:26.000 So there's very, very few fake jujitsu black belts, but occasionally there are some, and they get outed.

02:16:35.000 And there's some hilarious videos online of guys getting busted.

02:16:39.000 Well, where does Steven Seagal fall on that line?

02:16:41.000 He is a legitimate Aikido black belt.

02:16:45.000 In fact, he was an instructor, one of the very first Americans to teach at a dojo in Japan. 1.00

02:16:52.000 Oh, no shit! 0.99

02:16:52.000 Yeah, so Steven Seagal... 0.99

02:16:55.000 The martial art is the questionable thing.

02:16:59.000 The martial art of Aikido is really a martial art that was created to disarm people with swords.

02:17:07.000 The idea was that you lost your sword in combat and someone was coming at you with a sword.

02:17:12.000 Last-ditch effort is you had to be able to use someone's momentum against them.

02:17:16.000 You had to be able to use...

02:17:17.000 Some guy comes at you with a sword, you have to be very adept at catching their arm and flipping them over.

02:17:23.000 Here's Seagal.

02:17:23.000 It's very subtle, right?

02:17:25.000 Let's not use this because it's easy to poke fun at him when he's old, but let's go to that black and white one.

02:17:32.000 See that black and white one down there?

02:17:34.000 If you go back, see that one right there, Steven Seagal?

02:17:37.000 Go to that one.

02:17:38.000 Now there's some footage of him when he was young.

02:17:42.000 Yeah, this is it.

02:17:42.000 Go full screen.

02:17:44.000 He is legit.

02:17:45.000 He is very legit.

02:17:46.000 And he was thin.

02:17:47.000 It was a different thing.

02:17:49.000 But the thing is, nobody comes at you like this. 1.00

02:17:53.000 And a fucking NCAA wrestler would shoot a double on him and take him down faster than you can possibly imagine. 0.99

02:18:01.000 I mean, this does not work. 1.00

02:18:02.000 It's a dance.

02:18:03.000 Well, it works...

02:18:06.000 It works if someone doesn't know what they're doing, or if you have a lot of physical attributes.

02:18:11.000 Like Seagal's a huge guy.

02:18:12.000 He's a very big guy.

02:18:14.000 And he probably could pull that off on a lot of people who don't know how to fight.

02:18:18.000 Yeah.

02:18:18.000 Now here, this is what it was about.

02:18:21.000 What Aikido was really about...

02:18:23.000 This is Kendo, though.

02:18:24.000 They're using swords, which maybe they do use some of that in Aikido, but...

02:18:27.000 What Aikido was originally created for, I hope I'm not mistaken, was learning how to disarm, like that.

02:18:33.000 The guy comes at him with a knife and he flips the guy and takes the knife away.

02:18:36.000 He's using the guy's energy against him.

02:18:39.000 That was the original intention of Aikido.

02:18:42.000 But in terms of Japanese martial arts, Aikido was never thought of as the most effective.

02:18:47.000 Judo is far more effective.

02:18:49.000 Because Judo involves people grabbing people and flipping them and slamming them on the ground.

02:18:56.000 Like...

02:18:57.000 There's a great video of an old judo master.

02:19:00.000 See if you can find this video.

02:19:02.000 There's this guy, he looks like he's about 8 years old and he weighs about 13 pounds.

02:19:06.000 And he is, you can tell, especially someone who knows martial arts, you can tell when someone's just giving in.

02:19:12.000 The problem with a lot of these demonstrations of Aikido is guys are just giving in.

02:19:16.000 Like this old dude.

02:19:17.000 Watch this old dude.

02:19:19.000 The old dude on the right hand side is so much bigger than the other guy.

02:19:22.000 And they're walking the guy around and like, he's really throwing this guy.

02:19:25.000 This is legit.

02:19:27.000 Like, this guy's trying not to get thrown and he doesn't know what to do.

02:19:30.000 He trips him to the ground there.

02:19:32.000 But this old guy is tiny, but he's using perfect leverage and perfect technique.

02:19:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:19:38.000 And fuck, he looks really old in this picture. 0.99

02:19:41.000 Like, the guy's trying to throw him there, and he can't pull it off. 1.00

02:19:44.000 Yeah.

02:19:44.000 And he can't pull it off because the older guy has perfect position and perfect...

02:19:49.000 What is the name of this video?

02:19:50.000 Perfect Leverage.

02:19:51.000 Look at this.

02:19:51.000 Whoa!

02:19:52.000 Boom! 0.99

02:19:52.000 90 years old judo master is the name of the video online. 0.99

02:19:55.000 And I don't know if he was really 90. Damn! 0.99

02:19:57.000 But he certainly looks like he could be 90. But this old guy just knows how to... 1.00

02:20:02.000 You notice also the back of his heels are always, like, lifting up.

02:20:06.000 He's moving.

02:20:07.000 Yeah.

02:20:08.000 This guy's trying to throw him and he's just and the guy who's trying to throw him appears to be a black belt at least he's wearing a black belt fucking incredible man It's really amazing so judo was a much more effective martial art and judo was actually what was taught to the Brazilians when Count Maeda went to Brazil and taught people in Brazil I think?

02:20:54.000 They turned that into Brazilian jiu-jitsu. 0.62

02:20:56.000 So judo is standing as well as ground.

02:20:59.000 Yes.

02:20:59.000 There's a ground aspect of judo.

02:21:02.000 Obviously, Ronda Rousey is probably one of the most famous submission artists in the UFC, and her background was in judo. 1.00

02:21:07.000 She was a judo player and very good at judo. 0.97

02:21:09.000 She was a bronze medalist. 1.00

02:21:11.000 So when she would get a hold of people, she would just fucking throw them on their ass and flip them and toss them and slam them to the ground. 1.00

02:21:16.000 She just had phenomenal judo, but also a wicked arm bar. 1.00

02:21:20.000 And that was because the niwaza, the ground attack part of jiu-jitsu, comes from judo.

02:21:28.000 So there you go.

02:21:29.000 Yeah, my father did judo, and he taught it to me and my brother. 0.92

02:21:32.000 And then I remember my brother was bigger than me, and he used to flip the fuck out of me.

02:21:36.000 And then he did it to me one day, and my father grabbed him and flipped him down on the ground. 0.78

02:21:40.000 It was like, this is not good.

02:21:42.000 This isn't like passing on knowledge.

02:21:45.000 This is just a violent family out of control.

02:21:48.000 Was your dad drunk?

02:21:49.000 He was six foot two.

02:21:51.000 Six right in his hand while he's flipping it.

02:21:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:54.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:21:56.000 Yeah, Judo's legit. 1.00

02:21:57.000 Judo's way more legit than Aikido.

02:21:59.000 It's not that Aikido's not legit.

02:22:01.000 It's very limited.

02:22:02.000 Aikido is a lot of pressure points and holding the wrist and arm in different ways.

02:22:05.000 There's some of that, yeah.

02:22:06.000 Most of it is throws and learning how to take an attacker.

02:22:10.000 Like, if you just charge forward at an Aikido guy, and you have your right hand cocked and ready and just run at him and throw that punch, a really good Aikido guy is going to grab that and flip you and slam you on the ground.

02:22:22.000 Right.

02:22:22.000 But...

02:22:23.000 How often does that come up?

02:22:26.000 Especially today, when people actually know how to fight, it's too limited.

02:22:32.000 But there's a lot of martial arts like that.

02:22:34.000 There's certain aspects of karate that are applicable, but there's a lot of it that's really limited.

02:22:40.000 If you were going to teach your daughters, like my daughter's 14, I'd love for her to get into some martial arts. 0.56

02:22:46.000 What would be the most effective self-defense?

02:22:49.000 Jiu-jitsu.

02:22:50.000 100%.

02:22:50.000 Because with jiu-jitsu, first of all, you use a lot of your legs.

02:22:55.000 And a girl has strong legs. 1.00

02:22:58.000 You're carrying your body around all the time with your legs.

02:23:00.000 You can catch a guy in a triangle or an armbar and break his arm or choke him to sleep with your legs. 0.99

02:23:04.000 I mean, there's a lot of girls that would fuck a lot of guys up On the ground just by using arm bars and leg locks and things like that. 1.00

02:23:11.000 Because an arm bar is your whole body against someone's arm. 0.98

02:23:15.000 Or a triangle is your whole body, particularly your lower body, but you're using your upper body too to pull down the head against the guy's neck and arms. 0.77

02:23:24.000 So you're squishing the neck and the arms together and then you're pulling down the head.

02:23:28.000 A girl could absolutely put a guy... 1.00

02:23:30.000 A girl could put me to sleep. 1.00

02:23:31.000 A girl who's got a good triangle, who's like a legit black belt, and I get caught in her triangle, I will have to tap out, man. 1.00

02:23:37.000 Yeah.

02:23:38.000 Fact.

02:23:39.000 You know, legs are strong, man.

02:23:41.000 Think about what you do with your legs.

02:23:43.000 You know, you can't...

02:23:44.000 How long can you walk on your hands?

02:23:46.000 I mean, what's the world record for walking on your hands?

02:23:49.000 It's like an hour?

02:23:50.000 How long? 0.99

02:23:52.000 If you walked to Disneyland, I mean, it's fucking, you're hours and hours on your feet. 0.99

02:23:57.000 It's nothing. 0.98

02:23:58.000 It's no problem at all.

02:23:59.000 All right.

02:23:59.000 What's the world record?

02:24:00.000 A guy walked on his hands.

02:24:01.000 A woman actually did it 5,000 meters in eight hours. 1.00

02:24:05.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:24:06.000 Damn. 1.00

02:24:07.000 She's a savage. 1.00

02:24:08.000 5,000 meters? 1.00

02:24:10.000 Shit. 1.00

02:24:11.000 What's that in American? 1.00

02:24:15.000 16,400 feet.

02:24:16.000 How many hours?

02:24:18.000 Eight.

02:24:18.000 How did she eat?

02:24:19.000 How do you eat upside down?

02:24:21.000 She didn't eat.

02:24:21.000 She took eight hours off of eating.

02:24:23.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:24:24.000 Can't do it? 1.00

02:24:25.000 Can't take it out eight hours? 1.00

02:24:26.000 I did gymnastics for like six years and I could walk like a motherfucker. 1.00

02:24:30.000 On your hands? 1.00

02:24:30.000 I can still walk on my hands. 1.00

02:24:32.000 Can you really?

02:24:32.000 I don't know about the wrist now, who knows, but like I could literally, I would walk around the house on my hands when I was a kid.

02:24:39.000 It's a cool skill to have.

02:24:41.000 It looks cool.

02:24:42.000 Backflips too.

02:24:43.000 You do standing backflips.

02:24:45.000 Look at that.

02:24:45.000 Look at that guy.

02:24:46.000 No problem.

02:24:46.000 Jesus Christ.

02:24:47.000 Record for descending 50 stairs.

02:24:49.000 Wow.

02:24:50.000 Jesus Christ.

02:24:51.000 On your hands.

02:24:52.000 Did it in 14 seconds or something.

02:24:53.000 14 seconds? 1.00

02:24:55.000 Look at this fucking savage. 1.00

02:24:57.000 He's got some pads on his hands. 1.00

02:24:58.000 Yeah, he's got some wrist guards.

02:24:59.000 He's walking down those stairs like he's on his feet.

02:25:04.000 Look at that.

02:25:05.000 That's crazy.

02:25:06.000 That's amazing.

02:25:07.000 Wow.

02:25:08.000 He looks Russian.

02:25:09.000 That's some serious balance.

02:25:11.000 Oh, he's Asian. 1.00

02:25:12.000 They're not regular white people, right? 0.83

02:25:14.000 Russians? 0.94

02:25:14.000 They're stronger. 0.94

02:25:15.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:25:16.000 If you think about that part of the world, man, that's a fascinating part of the world. 1.00

02:25:22.000 How tough you have to be.

02:25:23.000 Oh, yeah.

02:25:23.000 Yeah.

02:25:24.000 Siberia and shit. 1.00

02:25:26.000 Now, when those Russian gangs came to New York, it was like a whole new world of organized crime. 1.00

02:25:31.000 Yeah.

02:25:31.000 Like much more hardcore.

02:25:33.000 Yeah.

02:25:35.000 Italians.

02:25:35.000 You think about, like, the old gangs, like the mafia guys.

02:25:39.000 Now they seem, like, kind of soft and cuddly.

02:25:41.000 Like, oh, Godfather.

02:25:42.000 It's the Godfather. 1.00

02:25:44.000 But these Russian guys will just, they'll fucking cut your Achilles tendon out. 1.00

02:25:48.000 Because you owe them ten bucks. 0.99

02:25:50.000 Happened to me once.

02:25:52.000 Somebody cut your Achilles tendon?

02:25:54.000 Yeah.

02:25:54.000 No?

02:25:55.000 No?

02:25:56.000 I knew you were faking because you had the hint of a joke in your face, but part of me was like, really?

02:26:03.000 You would have told me that already.

02:26:04.000 But I just remember seeing these Russian guys.

02:26:06.000 They look hard.

02:26:08.000 They've just been out in the cold their whole lives.

02:26:11.000 Russian women, too. 0.70

02:26:12.000 Yeah.

02:26:12.000 Hard.

02:26:13.000 Beautiful.

02:26:14.000 Yeah.

02:26:15.000 Yeah, powerful genetics.

02:26:16.000 Yeah.

02:26:17.000 They lost a shit ton of men in the wars.

02:26:19.000 Right.

02:26:20.000 You know?

02:26:21.000 Yeah, how many Russian soldiers died in World War II? Millions, I would say.

02:26:25.000 Millions.

02:26:26.000 Millions.

02:26:26.000 Millions starved to death, apparently.

02:26:28.000 Yeah.

02:26:29.000 Yeah, it's just a hard part of the world, man.

02:26:32.000 Not like L.A. Today it was 50 degrees.

02:26:34.000 People were like, oh my god, it's so cold!

02:26:37.000 I got a winter coat in the car.

02:26:39.000 I went running today, and I ran into my friend, one of my neighbors.

02:26:44.000 She had gloves on and a sock hat.

02:26:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:48.000 And like a fucking, what are those fucking Patagonia puffy jackets? 1.00

02:26:55.000 Dude, my daughter, you know, she surfs. 1.00

02:26:57.000 She was out six in the morning.

02:26:58.000 She was in the ocean this morning surfing. 0.99

02:27:00.000 God damn, that's hardcore. 1.00

02:27:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:03.000 You raise some hardcore kids, dude.

02:27:04.000 Yeah, she does it year-round. 1.00

02:27:06.000 You're an animal. 0.84

02:27:06.000 Yeah. 0.84

02:27:07.000 Tougher than me.

02:27:08.000 Both tougher than me.

02:27:09.000 That's amazing.

02:27:10.000 Yeah.

02:27:11.000 Congratulations.

02:27:11.000 Yeah, she's a badass.

02:27:13.000 Well, you're going to see your son play today, so let's wrap this fucker up. 1.00

02:27:18.000 Bring it home. 0.99

02:27:18.000 Greg Fitzsimmons, you're on the road soon. 0.99

02:27:21.000 What are you doing?

02:27:21.000 Yeah, I got, well, this weekend, Bananas.

02:27:23.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:27:24.000 Bananas in Hasbro Heights, New Jersey. 1.00

02:27:26.000 Oh, that's a good one.

02:27:27.000 Is it?

02:27:27.000 It's my first time.

02:27:29.000 It's a fun place.

02:27:29.000 Yeah, I'm excited about that.

02:27:31.000 And then I got dates coming up.

02:27:33.000 March 17th, St. Patrick's Day.

02:27:35.000 You want to do it?

02:27:36.000 When is that?

02:27:36.000 The Improv?

02:27:37.000 March 17th?

02:27:38.000 I think I'm out of town.

02:27:39.000 I think I'm in...

02:27:40.000 Hold on a second.

02:27:42.000 Yeah, I'm in Orlando.

02:27:44.000 All right, and then we got, sorry, I got dates coming up in a little while.

02:27:50.000 Rochester, New York, May 11th through 13. What's the website?

02:27:54.000 Fitzdog.

02:27:55.000 Fitzdog.com.

02:27:56.000 D.C., May 18th through 20, and Poughkeepsie, June 2nd and 3rd.

02:28:03.000 And Fitzdog Radio, you can get on iTunes.

02:28:05.000 Are you still on Sirius?

02:28:07.000 SiriusXM, Monday nights.

02:28:08.000 Boom.

02:28:09.000 That's it.

02:28:10.000 Good night, fuckers. 1.00

02:28:12.000 Godspeed. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 21, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1082 - Greg Fitzsimmons

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