The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1083 - Dom Irrera

00:00:01.000 And four, and three, and two, and one.

00:00:06.000 Dominic Herrera!

00:00:07.000 Oh, what a way to lead the show there, Joe Rogan.

00:00:09.000 I like to do it that way.

00:00:10.000 I don't know why I've been talking to you like that forever, but I have.

00:00:13.000 I know.

00:00:14.000 We always go into these Irish accents.

00:00:16.000 They would throw us out of Ireland with those accents.

00:00:19.000 I think it was when you started touring in Ireland on a regular basis.

00:00:23.000 Uh-huh.

00:00:23.000 That's a long time, Joe.

00:00:25.000 Yeah, but you've always been touring in Ireland.

00:00:27.000 I remember you talking about how great Ireland was decades ago.

00:00:30.000 Yeah.

00:00:31.000 Yeah, you've always loved it there, huh?

00:00:32.000 I've been to the Kilkenny Festival more than any other white guy.

00:00:35.000 No, I mean American.

00:00:38.000 How long have you been there?

00:00:39.000 How many times?

00:00:40.000 I think like 22. Holy shit. 1.00

00:00:42.000 Rich Hall also went a lot, but he's based in London. 0.98

00:00:46.000 I'm the only one that actually still comes over.

00:00:48.000 Rich Hall.

00:00:49.000 Remember him?

00:00:50.000 He did the Sniglets. 0.99

00:00:51.000 He was on Saturday Night Live.

00:00:52.000 He's based in London now?

00:00:53.000 Yeah, he likes it better there.

00:00:54.000 Huh.

00:00:55.000 He still works here once in a while.

00:00:57.000 He's got a place in Montana.

00:00:58.000 But he was on Saturday Night Live and he did that Sniglitz book and it was a big smash.

00:01:02.000 I paid to see him live when I was one week into comedy.

00:01:06.000 He was performing at Stitches and I went there live to see him.

00:01:10.000 Oh, Stitches in Boston.

00:01:11.000 Yeah.

00:01:12.000 So he lives in London now.

00:01:13.000 Is he still doing stand-up?

00:01:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:15.000 I saw him at the Laugh Factory in Vegas a couple weeks ago.

00:01:18.000 Him, Harris Pete, and Blake Clark.

00:01:21.000 He always used Harris Pete.

00:01:22.000 Like, he would take Harris Pete on the road with him.

00:01:24.000 And Harris Pete used to watch his Montana plays for him.

00:01:26.000 Right.

00:01:27.000 That's hilarious.

00:01:28.000 He was a joyless doorman.

00:01:30.000 Like, he made the comedy experience tense and miserable.

00:01:33.000 Yeah.

00:01:33.000 But he was pretty funny.

00:01:34.000 He was rough as a doorman.

00:01:36.000 Yeah.

00:01:37.000 Harris is, but he's one of those old staples of the Comedy Store, where it's almost kind of weird not having him around.

00:01:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:43.000 I mean, he made it so uninviting, you know?

00:01:46.000 Yeah.

00:01:47.000 Just have a smile, show to people, you know, they're going to have a good time.

00:01:50.000 He made it like a military thing, you know?

00:01:51.000 Yeah, it wasn't good.

00:01:53.000 Yeah.

00:01:54.000 And then there was Chewy, who was always the guy who was sort of working the door.

00:01:59.000 You could get anything you wanted or anything you needed from Chewy.

00:02:01.000 Yeah, allegedly.

00:02:03.000 You know, he played guitar at the House of Blues across the street, and he was really good.

00:02:08.000 Yeah.

00:02:08.000 And he was with this group, and I was thinking...

00:02:10.000 30 feet away, you're like the schlub who's running around trying to sell coke or whatever he was doing.

00:02:18.000 And here you're like a big star.

00:02:20.000 It's so close, yet so far.

00:02:22.000 Yeah, he used to headline at the House of Blues.

00:02:25.000 We would all go over and see him. 0.98

00:02:26.000 He was fucking good, man. 0.99

00:02:28.000 Very good, yeah. 0.99

00:02:28.000 Where's he at? 0.99

00:02:30.000 I don't know.

00:02:31.000 Wow.

00:02:33.000 I've been seeing him years.

00:02:35.000 You haven't seen that guy in literally forever.

00:02:37.000 Well, this whole renaissance of the Comedy Store has happened since you came back and they started filtering back.

00:02:45.000 Bill Burr and Chris DeLeo came in.

00:02:48.000 But when he was here, there were some slow nights, man.

00:02:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:52.000 You know the place is slow when Paulie and I are the most famous people?

00:02:56.000 It's not a good sign.

00:02:58.000 I'm not putting myself down, but let's face it.

00:03:01.000 You need a little more than the two of us.

00:03:03.000 Yeah, it's weird there now, isn't it?

00:03:05.000 You go there now, it's like it's mobbed.

00:03:07.000 You can't even get through the hallways.

00:03:08.000 I know.

00:03:08.000 It's incredible.

00:03:09.000 You always think, what's going on?

00:03:12.000 It's nothing.

00:03:12.000 It's just a regular night.

00:03:14.000 But you'll have something in the main room or Sam Tripoli.

00:03:17.000 It's incredible.

00:03:18.000 Tuesday night main room full.

00:03:20.000 That was unheard of.

00:03:21.000 Yeah.

00:03:21.000 Tuesday night main room sold out while the OR sold out while the belly room sold out.

00:03:25.000 Yeah.

00:03:26.000 On Tuesday night.

00:03:27.000 It's crazy.

00:03:27.000 It's good, though.

00:03:28.000 It's great for us.

00:03:29.000 It's fun.

00:03:30.000 Yeah, well, I love the crowds there.

00:03:32.000 I mean, I really get something out of all three clubs.

00:03:35.000 I really do.

00:03:36.000 The Laugh Factory is like college kids and foreign students and foreign people. 0.86

00:03:42.000 And the Comedy Store, to me, is the most cross-pollinated in the sense that there's so many more tourists because of hotels, you know?

00:03:49.000 Right.

00:03:49.000 And then the improv is kind of like Hollywood slick.

00:03:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:53.000 And then there's the Improv Lab, which I just can't get a read on.

00:03:57.000 I've done it a couple times just for the challenge.

00:03:59.000 And man, they sit there and then all of a sudden they laugh.

00:04:03.000 It like scares you because they were sitting there.

00:04:05.000 It was quiet.

00:04:08.000 It's a weird little room.

00:04:09.000 Yeah, they're very discerning.

00:04:11.000 That's like the hip spot there. 0.50

00:04:12.000 The thing is, that room used to be a great room when it was set up the other way.

00:04:16.000 I liked it the other way too.

00:04:17.000 The other way was amazing when it was that whole bar area.

00:04:20.000 Yeah.

00:04:22.000 Well, you know, the thing is, you don't do the multiple shows.

00:04:29.000 You do them all at the store.

00:04:30.000 I do some of them.

00:04:32.000 Some nights I'll do the improv and then I'll jet over to the store too.

00:04:36.000 I don't really do the factory anymore.

00:04:38.000 But if I can do it, if I do an early show at the store, sometimes I'll do the ice house as well.

00:04:44.000 Well, you'll do benefits there once in a while.

00:04:46.000 Yeah.

00:04:46.000 That's the way Bill does it, too.

00:04:48.000 It's like, you know, whatever makes you happy, you know, we've talked about this, it's like, I just love the idea, and I know you do, you have a thought, and you can go on that night.

00:04:59.000 Yeah.

00:04:59.000 You know, I mean, imagine, like, an actor can't do that.

00:05:03.000 No, it's giant, too, because sometimes that thought is funny to you right there in that moment, and you know why it's funny to you, and you might forget why it's funny the next day.

00:05:10.000 You might have, like, a little napkin with something written down, you know, tampons, Kleenex, you know.

00:05:15.000 Paper towels.

00:05:16.000 Well, I don't carry tampons anymore.

00:05:18.000 Anymore?

00:05:19.000 Because my rectal bleeding is ceased.

00:05:22.000 I don't think that's the way to go with rectal bleeding.

00:05:25.000 I think there's other options.

00:05:27.000 Did you ever get colonoscopy?

00:05:30.000 No.

00:05:31.000 Colonoscopy, right?

00:05:31.000 Yeah.

00:05:32.000 Anyway, people ask me, I was saying something, they go, it's funny.

00:05:35.000 I said, I don't think these college kids want to hear about that.

00:05:38.000 No.

00:05:39.000 You know, it's not the kind of subject I would bring up.

00:05:41.000 It's bad enough I'm older than them.

00:05:42.000 I don't want to bring up stuff that hasn't happened to them yet.

00:05:45.000 Yeah, stuff that they're never going to understand, like Alzheimer's.

00:05:48.000 Hey, kids, you know what about Alzheimer's disease, right?

00:05:51.000 What's the name of that disease?

00:05:52.000 I can't remember the name.

00:05:53.000 Yeah.

00:05:55.000 Parkinson's.

00:05:55.000 Jamie, we were talking, I was talking about the power of this podcast.

00:05:59.000 Not to stroke you, but you know how strong it is.

00:06:02.000 When I went to Australia, not even thinking, all these boys were there.

00:06:06.000 And they were, like, busting my chops about not knowing how...

00:06:09.000 Do you remember when we did a thing about how much does a gorilla weigh?

00:06:12.000 And you were much closer than I was. 0.64

00:06:14.000 And they were busting my balls about not knowing how much... 0.96

00:06:16.000 Rogan beat you on that one, you know? 0.98

00:06:19.000 Isn't that funny? 1.00

00:06:19.000 Fucking Australia. 1.00

00:06:21.000 Of course it's about wildlife over there. 1.00

00:06:23.000 I got a buddy.

00:06:24.000 My buddy Adam Greentree is always trying to get me to come over to Australia.

00:06:27.000 And every time I find something online that can kill you from Australia, I send it to him. 1.00

00:06:31.000 I'm like, fuck you. 1.00

00:06:32.000 Yeah, but you never see that stuff. 1.00

00:06:34.000 You got to go to the Outback for that.

00:06:35.000 Well, that's where he wants to take me.

00:06:37.000 Why would you want to go there?

00:06:38.000 You might as well just go to the Mojave.

00:06:40.000 Bow hunting.

00:06:41.000 There's a lot of bow hunting in Australia.

00:06:43.000 Bow hunting?

00:06:43.000 Bow.

00:06:44.000 Oh, bow. 0.90

00:06:44.000 Like archery. 0.90

00:06:45.000 Can you do that?

00:06:47.000 In Australia?

00:06:48.000 No, can you do it?

00:06:48.000 Are you good with a bow and arrow?

00:06:51.000 For real?

00:06:51.000 Yeah.

00:06:52.000 That's where I got that.

00:06:54.000 Wow.

00:06:55.000 You didn't know I bow hunted?

00:06:57.000 Can't believe I never told you that.

00:06:58.000 No.

00:06:59.000 I've been doing it for years.

00:07:00.000 I've seen pictures of you and Brian...

00:07:02.000 Hunting.

00:07:03.000 Hunting, yeah.

00:07:03.000 A bear and stuff.

00:07:04.000 With rifles.

00:07:05.000 Was that with rifles?

00:07:06.000 Do you have any idea how much more of a man you are than I am?

00:07:10.000 I'm not thinking about it that often.

00:07:11.000 No, but I'm not.

00:07:13.000 But I never...

00:07:14.000 I mean, I don't hunt.

00:07:15.000 I don't do anything.

00:07:16.000 To me, it's like a big deal to have somebody drive me to Vegas.

00:07:20.000 I feel like an adventurer.

00:07:22.000 I don't think it has anything to do with being a man.

00:07:25.000 Well...

00:07:25.000 I just think you don't have the same interests as me.

00:07:28.000 That's the beautiful thing about America, Dom O'Rear. 1.00

00:07:31.000 Do whatever the fuck you want. 0.99

00:07:32.000 Thank you for telling me about the country that we love, but I just don't... 0.99

00:07:35.000 I don't know.

00:07:36.000 I mean, the whole idea of sleeping out in the woods and all...

00:07:39.000 It's fun.

00:07:40.000 I enjoy it.

00:07:41.000 I enjoy five-star hotels.

00:07:42.000 I enjoy those two.

00:07:43.000 24-hour room service.

00:07:44.000 I like that as well.

00:07:45.000 That's nice too.

00:07:46.000 I like that as well, but I do like getting up, opening up the tent, looking out, just seeing a mountain filled with trees and hearing the birds chirp and putting your boots on, having a cup of coffee that's warmed up by a fire.

00:07:59.000 I love all that.

00:08:00.000 Must be very funny with you and Callen.

00:08:02.000 Callen is one of the funniest guys that's ever lived when it comes to just hanging out and bullshitting with a small group of people.

00:08:10.000 Yeah.

00:08:10.000 We did...

00:08:11.000 His energy. 1.00

00:08:12.000 Yeah, his energy, and he just knows how to make shit laugh. 0.99

00:08:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:08:16.000 We did this hunt in Montana in 2012. It was like six or seven days in the Missouri Breaks, which is like a very, really, a real wild place. 0.99

00:08:27.000 You don't see any people.

00:08:28.000 There's no cell phone signals. 0.93

00:08:30.000 And it was six solid days of gay jokes coming out of Callan. 1.00

00:08:34.000 And, I mean, gay jokes like Callan being gay with us, like wanting to have sex with us or wanting us to have sex with him. 0.99

00:08:40.000 And just, it never stopped being funny. 1.00

00:08:42.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:08:44.000 Now, do you get all this down? 0.99

00:08:46.000 Does anybody cover it?

00:08:48.000 You know, for like a show someday?

00:08:50.000 Yeah, that was for a show.

00:08:51.000 That was for a show called Meat Eater.

00:08:53.000 It's a hunting show that my friend Steve Rinella has.

00:08:56.000 And we've done that show three times.

00:09:00.000 Four?

00:09:01.000 Four times.

00:09:02.000 We've done that show four times.

00:09:04.000 Does your wife mind you going on these trips?

00:09:06.000 No, she likes it.

00:09:07.000 And the meat is amazing.

00:09:09.000 You know, you come back with wild game.

00:09:11.000 I can't imagine killing something and then eating it.

00:09:14.000 But you're just eating meat right there.

00:09:16.000 What, the chicken?

00:09:18.000 Yeah.

00:09:18.000 But I don't think of it as like...

00:09:20.000 Of course, because you didn't kill it.

00:09:22.000 Do you ever think of salami as being part of an animal?

00:09:26.000 To me, it's just this little thing that runs around.

00:09:28.000 They cut its legs off and make a sandwich.

00:09:31.000 Well, I think about it that way.

00:09:33.000 Now I think about it as meat.

00:09:35.000 But yeah, I always just thought about it as salami.

00:09:36.000 It's very convenient.

00:09:37.000 Yeah.

00:09:38.000 It's very convenient to think about things that way.

00:09:40.000 And you lose that convenience when you hunt.

00:09:43.000 You get a weird connection with your food that some people just don't want.

00:09:49.000 And I understand that too.

00:09:50.000 Some people just want to be able to go to the grocery store, pick up a little styrofoam container that has a steak in it, take it home, cook it, and they're good.

00:09:57.000 And they're fine with that.

00:09:59.000 That's fine, too.

00:09:59.000 So you've killed stuff and eaten it there?

00:10:01.000 I've killed stuff and eaten it in the woods.

00:10:04.000 Yeah, or eaten part of it, obviously.

00:10:06.000 And then you freeze it?

00:10:07.000 Yeah.

00:10:07.000 Yeah, you bring it home and freeze it.

00:10:09.000 When did you start this, Joe?

00:10:11.000 2012. So six years ago.

00:10:14.000 More like...

00:10:16.000 Five and a half.

00:10:18.000 Is it a crossbow?

00:10:21.000 No.

00:10:21.000 A compound bow.

00:10:22.000 Looks like a regular bow, but it has wheels at the top that are called cams.

00:10:26.000 And then the cams, when it turns over, it gives you the mechanical advantage.

00:10:30.000 It makes the bow more powerful.

00:10:33.000 Good.

00:10:34.000 It's cool.

00:10:35.000 It's intense.

00:10:36.000 I like the crossbows. 0.98

00:10:38.000 Yeah, those are good, but it's really just like a shitty gun. 0.95

00:10:42.000 That's what a crossbow is. 0.96

00:10:43.000 It's like you're just shooting a stick.

00:10:45.000 You could rest it and put it on a rest, actually, and look through the scope and then squeeze the trigger like a rifle.

00:10:53.000 It's not nearly as difficult as a regular bow.

00:10:55.000 Now, did you ever shoot an animal, hit it, and then it ran away?

00:10:59.000 Unfortunately, yes.

00:11:00.000 I did that on TV. I did that with that meat-eater show.

00:11:04.000 Yeah, there was a problem with the rifle.

00:11:07.000 The rifle scope was off.

00:11:09.000 I had fallen, and the rifle scope was installed by one of the guys.

00:11:14.000 As we got there, we changed scopes because there was a sponsor of the company, a sponsor of the show, rather, and they put a different rifle scope on and shot a deer with it, and it was wounded, and it didn't die. 0.97

00:11:27.000 Yeah, that's kind of suck. 0.98

00:11:28.000 It was horrible. 0.96

00:11:29.000 I mean, I'm sure it died within a couple hours, but we couldn't get to it in time.

00:11:33.000 We couldn't find it.

00:11:35.000 I'd rather just hit it with a car.

00:11:38.000 Well, that's one of the problems where where we were in Wisconsin, like at nighttime, you got to drive slow.

00:11:43.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:11:43.000 They're fucking everywhere. 0.99

00:11:45.000 They're darting out into the middle of the road, especially when what's called the rut kicks in. 1.00

00:11:50.000 Do you know what the rut is down there?

00:11:51.000 The deer get oh honey.

00:11:53.000 That's what I was thinking, yeah.

00:11:54.000 Yeah.

00:11:54.000 They rut.

00:11:55.000 They rut around. 1.00

00:11:56.000 They get fucking crazy. 1.00

00:11:57.000 They get so crazy they'll just like walk right into traffic and just stare at cars. 1.00

00:12:02.000 I'll fuck anything. 1.00

00:12:03.000 They don't know what to do. 1.00

00:12:05.000 I mean, there's videos of moose trying to fuck bales of hay. 0.99

00:12:10.000 During the rut, like, they literally lose their mind. 0.99

00:12:12.000 They have no idea what's going on.

00:12:14.000 The moose are like nine feet or something?

00:12:15.000 They're gigantic.

00:12:17.000 A good-sized moose, like a good-sized Canadian moose, could be 1,800 pounds. 1.00

00:12:22.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:12:23.000 Yeah, you can't even imagine how big that is. 1.00

00:12:24.000 You don't eat them, do you? 0.58

00:12:25.000 Yeah, I shot one of those.

00:12:27.000 You have moose burgers here?

00:12:30.000 Yeah, yeah, I've got moose burgers.

00:12:31.000 Are you serious?

00:12:32.000 Yeah.

00:12:33.000 I've got some left over.

00:12:34.000 Yeah, I got a lot of elk burger.

00:12:36.000 That's an elk, that big guy on the wall back there.

00:12:39.000 Wow.

00:12:39.000 They're delicious.

00:12:40.000 So good for you, too.

00:12:41.000 It's like the best meat you could ever...

00:12:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:44.000 It doesn't even look the same.

00:12:45.000 It looks like a deep, dark red.

00:12:48.000 I don't know how psychological...

00:12:49.000 It's obviously psychological, but certain meats like rabbit, I can't eat.

00:12:53.000 And I don't know why, because I'll eat chicken.

00:12:55.000 It doesn't really make sense.

00:12:57.000 Are you a Bugs Bunny fan?

00:12:58.000 Yeah.

00:12:59.000 Big, hardcore.

00:13:00.000 Hardcore?

00:13:01.000 Did you get the tattoo?

00:13:02.000 Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it.

00:13:04.000 Can we talk about this off the air, please?

00:13:06.000 Yes, sorry.

00:13:06.000 It's embarrassing.

00:13:07.000 I know, I know.

00:13:09.000 Yeah, a lot of people get real attached to rabbits, but chickens are like, they're heartless little dinosaurs.

00:13:14.000 They're noisy and...

00:13:15.000 Yeah.

00:13:19.000 Yeah.

00:13:20.000 Chickens, they're basically a lizard. 0.96

00:13:24.000 Just a lizard with feathers.

00:13:26.000 Really?

00:13:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:27.000 Yeah, you pluck all that shit off and look at them. 1.00

00:13:29.000 Like, what is that? 1.00

00:13:31.000 What's a bird?

00:13:32.000 It's not a flying lizard.

00:13:33.000 Not a good-looking animal.

00:13:35.000 Do they know whether or not pterodactyls...

00:13:36.000 I just found out from my seven-year-old that pterodactyls are not dinosaurs.

00:13:41.000 Really?

00:13:42.000 Yeah, she corrected me.

00:13:43.000 They came in a different period?

00:13:44.000 I don't know.

00:13:45.000 She told me they're not dinosaurs and we Googled it and she was right. 0.99

00:13:48.000 And I was like, how am I so stupid? 0.99

00:13:50.000 They're not dinosaurs. 0.96

00:13:50.000 Then I was thinking, you know, we always had those images of pterodactyls where they were flying around and they had like bat-like wings, right? 0.96

00:13:57.000 Right.

00:13:57.000 What do you got, Jamie?

00:13:58.000 You got something for me?

00:13:59.000 That's what it says.

00:13:59.000 It says they lived at the same time but they're not actually dinosaurs.

00:14:02.000 What makes it a dinosaur, technically?

00:14:04.000 That's a good question.

00:14:05.000 Somehow, they're not actually dinosaurs.

00:14:07.000 They were flying creatures, and paleontologists keep telling us that dinosaurs are birds.

00:14:12.000 What?

00:14:13.000 Wait a minute.

00:14:14.000 They're petrosaurus.

00:14:16.000 But that doesn't make any sense, because dinosaurs are birds.

00:14:19.000 So birds became dinosaurs, but pterodactyls, who could fly, are not dinosaurs.

00:14:25.000 Wasn't the bird the closest descendant of dinosaurs?

00:14:29.000 Yes.

00:14:29.000 Yeah.

00:14:30.000 They're not dinosaurs, so what the hell are they?

00:14:32.000 Here's the thing.

00:14:33.000 When they show that image of them with the skin for wings instead of bats, I don't know if they know if that's real.

00:14:42.000 I don't know if that's based on what they absolutely know or like what they think because they're starting to think that a lot of dinosaurs had feathers now.

00:14:51.000 This is pretty recently.

00:14:52.000 I was in the museum in Bozeman, Montana, there's a museum, like a natural history type museum, and they have like a split image of a dinosaur, like a raptor, and it's covered with feathers.

00:15:06.000 Wow.

00:15:07.000 Yeah, because they think it's entirely possible that a lot of the dinosaurs were covered in feathers, but there's just not as much fossilized remains of it.

00:15:15.000 I didn't know that man never lived with dinosaurs.

00:15:18.000 Really?

00:15:18.000 At the same period, yeah.

00:15:20.000 I didn't know that until a couple years ago.

00:15:21.000 You really didn't know?

00:15:22.000 I thought cavemen, you know, because they always show them like in...

00:15:25.000 I was going by the Flintstones.

00:15:29.000 You really didn't know?

00:15:31.000 Well, I mean...

00:15:31.000 You're a real comic, Dom.

00:15:33.000 I guess I am. 1.00

00:15:34.000 You don't pay attention to shit. 1.00

00:15:38.000 Outside of telling jokes. 1.00

00:15:39.000 Thank God I can do that decently, Joe.

00:15:41.000 Know what I do.

00:15:42.000 I have no skills.

00:15:43.000 I like to teach kids.

00:15:45.000 I like to teach in fourth grade, and that was about it.

00:15:48.000 Well, you like having fun.

00:15:49.000 Well, if you teach kids, don't teach them about dinosaurs.

00:15:51.000 What did you teach?

00:15:53.000 Paleontology.

00:15:54.000 I taught everything.

00:15:55.000 I taught everything because it was Catholic school. 0.99

00:15:57.000 I taught everything but the smart kids math because I was dumb. 0.99

00:16:01.000 I stuck with the dumb kids and we would split the class. 1.00

00:16:05.000 I go, come on, you retards, come with me, which you couldn't say now. 1.00

00:16:08.000 Yeah, you couldn't say that now. 0.98

00:16:09.000 You get in serious trouble.

00:16:10.000 You'd be on the front page of USA Today.

00:16:12.000 You know, I still have kids that get in touch with me.

00:16:14.000 Really?

00:16:15.000 Yeah.

00:16:15.000 They said it makes me feel so good that it was the best year of their lives as far as going to school.

00:16:20.000 Because I really, we had fucking fun. 0.89

00:16:23.000 I would go in, my speech was, I want to go to the gym more than you guys do, so don't mess it up for me. 0.92

00:16:30.000 I mean, you gotta learn some of this stuff.

00:16:31.000 I don't know why, I hate it too.

00:16:33.000 You know, I'd be like kind of honest.

00:16:34.000 Right.

00:16:35.000 And they dug it, and we had dance contests and everything.

00:16:39.000 It was hilarious.

00:16:41.000 I had this one kid, Tyrone Dunn.

00:16:42.000 He was like a baby James Brown.

00:16:44.000 He could do a split, a complete split, and then get himself up without touching anything.

00:16:51.000 Wow.

00:16:51.000 Yeah, amazing.

00:16:52.000 Like James Brown?

00:16:53.000 Yeah.

00:16:54.000 Wow.

00:16:55.000 Yeah, well when you're a kid and you're going to school, like anyone who has any spark of life is exciting.

00:17:01.000 I still to this day think about some of the teachers that I had in high school.

00:17:04.000 I had two really good teachers in high school. 0.59

00:17:06.000 One lady, I wish I could remember her name, and one guy who was a Spanish teacher that I'm pretty sure fucked one of my friends. 1.00

00:17:16.000 Who was a girl. 0.83

00:17:19.000 Thanks for clearing it up.

00:17:20.000 He was a young guy.

00:17:21.000 He was like 25 years old and she was hot. 0.99

00:17:26.000 And I know that they were like talking a lot and she was 17 and he was 25 and I'm pretty sure he fucked her. 0.97

00:17:31.000 I'm almost positive because she was very sexually aggressive and she was advanced for her time both physically and mentally. 1.00

00:17:41.000 Like she was one of those girls like you knew she was not gonna last in that town. 1.00

00:17:45.000 She's gonna get the fuck out of there. 1.00

00:17:47.000 I remember I did this clean show at that hotel in San Diego, where the Sun Like It Hot was. 0.99

00:17:55.000 It's a clean show?

00:17:55.000 Del Coronado.

00:17:57.000 I did a clean show, like an early show at 7 o'clock on a Saturday.

00:18:00.000 They make you be clean?

00:18:02.000 Well, they can only make it be so clean, but the thing I was getting at was there was these 15-year-old boys there, right?

00:18:08.000 And they were with their parents.

00:18:09.000 You could tell their parents were a little snooty.

00:18:11.000 So I said, 15, what a great age.

00:18:13.000 And this can be a dangerous thing to say.

00:18:16.000 I said, you know what's great about being 15?

00:18:19.000 You can nail a 15-year-old girl and not go to jail for the rest of your life. 0.96

00:18:24.000 Right?

00:18:24.000 And the kids were crying, laughing, and the parents were really...

00:18:29.000 It looked like they wanted to pull them out of there.

00:18:31.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:18:32.000 Parents don't want kids fucking. 1.00

00:18:34.000 Isn't that hilarious? 1.00

00:18:35.000 Well, if they're both 15, you really can't get in trouble.

00:18:39.000 Well, the girl could get pregnant. 1.00

00:18:41.000 Yeah.

00:18:42.000 That's no bueno.

00:18:43.000 But the idea that you're going to stop them.

00:18:45.000 Like, hey, you stop doing that thing that feels better than anything you're ever going to do at school, at work...

00:18:52.000 Don't do that though.

00:18:53.000 All of your cells in your body are compelling you in that direction.

00:18:58.000 But don't do that.

00:18:59.000 But don't do it.

00:19:00.000 Your whole body, your DNA, your thoughts are haunted.

00:19:03.000 Everything is wrapped around... 1.00

00:19:06.000 Like tits and ass and legs and feet and mouths and... 1.00

00:19:11.000 Don't do it. 1.00

00:19:13.000 I remember the first time I whacked off in my...

00:19:16.000 I was in my bedroom in Philly and I came so much that I thought I'll never have children.

00:19:25.000 I swear, Joe, I thought I emptied it.

00:19:27.000 It's how you train the tank!

00:19:29.000 It just kept coming, like flow gushes.

00:19:32.000 Yeah, isn't it amazing how far you would shoot back then too?

00:19:35.000 The distance was insane.

00:19:37.000 Knock your eye out.

00:19:38.000 We Googled it, and I think, if I remember correctly, the furthest a guy ever jizzed was like 29 feet. 0.99

00:19:44.000 Holy shit! 0.99

00:19:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:46.000 I can't even throw it that far.

00:19:47.000 I don't remember making that search.

00:19:50.000 You blacked it out of your memory like a childhood molestation.

00:19:54.000 There was this guy, Lenny Schultz.

00:19:57.000 I remember Crazy Lenny.

00:19:58.000 Oh, you do?

00:19:59.000 Yeah! 1.00

00:19:59.000 He used to do a bit about jerking off a midget. 1.00

00:20:01.000 He goes, I jerk off the midget, and he would come in the air, and then I would bat his cum onto the crowd. 1.00

00:20:05.000 Ha! 1.00

00:20:07.000 Yeah, I know.

00:20:08.000 Crazy Lenny.

00:20:09.000 What do you say to that?

00:20:09.000 Oh, good.

00:20:10.000 I see you're writing.

00:20:11.000 Always writing. 0.99

00:20:12.000 He used to fucking walk on stage with a Smokey the Bear doll. 0.98

00:20:16.000 And he would hold the doll up and say, only you can prevent forest fires. 1.00

00:20:20.000 And he goes, shut the fuck up! 1.00

00:20:23.000 And punches the bear. 1.00

00:20:25.000 It didn't make any sense.

00:20:27.000 You were crying laughing. 0.97

00:20:28.000 He was one of those guys that was just fucking funny. 0.97

00:20:32.000 From the look on his face to everything he said, he just knew how to... 0.97

00:20:36.000 He was his own unique style.

00:20:39.000 He just knew how to be funny.

00:20:40.000 Well, he had that psychotic funny, too.

00:20:42.000 Like, he looked like a guy who would pet a pigeon and go, yeah, sure.

00:20:46.000 Daddy loves you.

00:20:46.000 And then snap its neck and go, what did I do?

00:20:49.000 Exactly.

00:20:49.000 Daddy loved you.

00:20:50.000 Crazy. 0.93

00:20:51.000 And then chuck it aside and keep moving on with his act. 0.94

00:20:53.000 Yeah.

00:20:55.000 He grabs the bear.

00:20:56.000 Only you can prevent forest fires. 1.00

00:20:58.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

00:21:00.000 Boom! 1.00

00:21:01.000 Punches the doll.

00:21:03.000 Remember Jimbo's place in Montreal?

00:21:06.000 Yeah, of course.

00:21:07.000 Comedy Works.

00:21:08.000 That's where we were.

00:21:09.000 That's where I saw Crazy Lenny.

00:21:11.000 Well, that was probably around the first time I met you then.

00:21:13.000 Probably, yeah, like 93-ish, somewhere in that range.

00:21:17.000 I remember meeting you at the Club Soda.

00:21:20.000 Yeah, that was fun.

00:21:21.000 And then we ran into each other again at Amsterdam Billiards.

00:21:23.000 Right, and we started shooting pool.

00:21:25.000 And I was like, oh, this time we're here to praise the pool!

00:21:27.000 There's only a few of us that play the pool.

00:21:30.000 Artie Lang plays real good pool.

00:21:31.000 Does he?

00:21:32.000 Yep, very good.

00:21:33.000 Fitzsimmons was here yesterday.

00:21:33.000 He plays real good.

00:21:34.000 Yeah, Greg and I just played at the improv.

00:21:37.000 They used to have a quarter table upstairs.

00:21:40.000 Oh, really?

00:21:40.000 Yeah, for years.

00:21:42.000 Oh, the setup up there is very nice down now at the improv.

00:21:45.000 That whole green room with the podcast studio.

00:21:49.000 Yeah, that is cool.

00:21:50.000 Very nice.

00:21:51.000 It's a good setup. 0.98

00:21:52.000 We're plugging the shit out of these cloaks. 0.99

00:21:54.000 Oh, that's what we do down here. 0.99

00:21:56.000 Yeah, like guys who play pool, like comics who play pool, it's a fucking small group of us. 0.96

00:22:02.000 Not that many. 0.96

00:22:02.000 Who else? 0.96

00:22:03.000 Somebody else plays good.

00:22:04.000 I think Adam Ferrara plays.

00:22:07.000 Yes!

00:22:08.000 Ferrara plays very good.

00:22:09.000 Adam plays very good.

00:22:11.000 He was at my house playing, but I know I'd never get you back there because there's too many obstacles.

00:22:16.000 Gotta jack up.

00:22:17.000 One of those little baby cues.

00:22:19.000 Well, Joe, who has room like this?

00:22:20.000 Who has 50 feet on each side of a pool table?

00:22:23.000 Well, we're gonna stream some stuff from here.

00:22:25.000 We're gonna eventually stream pool matches.

00:22:27.000 Oh, yeah?

00:22:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:22:28.000 We're gonna set up cameras and just talk shit. 1.00

00:22:32.000 Have live streaming. 0.99

00:22:33.000 You ever heard of Twitch?

00:22:34.000 Do you know what Twitch is?

00:22:35.000 No.

00:22:35.000 Twitch is a streaming service where you play games on it, mostly video games.

00:22:39.000 Most people use it for video games.

00:22:40.000 But we've been talking to them about doing video games, and then I'm thinking we might do some pool matches as well.

00:22:47.000 And even some archery.

00:22:48.000 Put me up against Tosh.

00:22:49.000 Alright, you're going to...

00:22:50.000 Does Tosh play?

00:22:52.000 A little bit, but I just...

00:22:53.000 Does he?

00:22:53.000 I always beat him, you know.

00:22:54.000 Oh, psychological advantage?

00:22:56.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:22:57.000 I love beating him in that and shooting baskets because he calls me old man, grandpa and all this shit, so I want to beat him in something. 0.99

00:23:03.000 You know what? 0.99

00:23:03.000 I'm modeling some of what I do after Tosh in that he doesn't do any interviews. 0.99

00:23:08.000 He's like, I do enough. 0.97

00:23:10.000 He's so fucking smart. 0.99

00:23:11.000 He's so smart. 0.99

00:23:11.000 He's like, he knows how to not be overexposed. 0.99

00:23:14.000 And I've fucked that up in the past and now I'm just like, when I hear, when I get requests for interviews, I'm like, I say too much already.

00:23:24.000 I'm already talking too much.

00:23:25.000 You notice I never ask you again, because you did me the favor, and I don't want to push it. 0.97

00:23:29.000 But the fact is, we had Jamie to fuck around with that time. 0.65

00:23:32.000 So, you know, I'm not going to really nail you on an interview and make you... 0.88

00:23:36.000 Oh, you mean on your podcast?

00:23:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:38.000 That's different.

00:23:38.000 I do friends' podcasts all the time.

00:23:41.000 But it's, like, interviews and real shows and stuff like that.

00:23:45.000 It's like...

00:23:46.000 You got nothing to gain, Joe.

00:23:48.000 You're famous enough.

00:23:49.000 And Daniel's right.

00:23:50.000 I mean, what are you going to get good out of that?

00:23:52.000 Like doing Jimmy Kimmel.

00:23:55.000 Doing five minutes.

00:23:56.000 You probably wouldn't want to do the stand-up, even though it's your favorite thing.

00:23:59.000 And then you go over to the panel.

00:24:02.000 I like Craig Ferguson only because it was improv.

00:24:05.000 Right, right, right.

00:24:06.000 Well, I think that sitting down and talking to someone should be like this.

00:24:11.000 You really want to get to know somebody?

00:24:13.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:14.000 You should talk to them like this.

00:24:15.000 Have a real conversation with them.

00:24:16.000 Having a conversation with someone when you're under the gun of five minutes, and there's a band there, and you're sitting sideways, and you're at the desk, and I'm sitting over there.

00:24:26.000 We're talking about some project that I'm doing.

00:24:29.000 It's like a quick pitch.

00:24:30.000 You have a quick story that you can tell.

00:24:33.000 So I understand you rent a car when you come into town.

00:24:35.000 What's that like?

00:24:37.000 That's funny, Dom.

00:24:38.000 You know, I do rent a car and I always take the insurance.

00:24:42.000 You know why? 1.00

00:24:43.000 Because I drive like a fucking maniac. 1.00

00:24:45.000 You people here on Highway 95, what are you nuts? 1.00

00:24:49.000 What is going on with the drivers in Los Angeles?

00:24:52.000 Turn to the audience.

00:24:54.000 You know, I did Ferguson's show once and he gave me the wrong plug.

00:24:58.000 I had already worked at the Denver club that you like so much.

00:25:01.000 Comedy Works?

00:25:01.000 Yeah, I had already worked that and they plugged it on.

00:25:04.000 I came out, I said, Craig, you got a really cracked staff here.

00:25:06.000 I already worked that gig.

00:25:08.000 I said, but I'm so hot, I'm light hot in this business, they have to post-plug things so there won't be a riot.

00:25:13.000 And he said, well, we'll just start it over, you know, because they're filming it.

00:25:16.000 And I said, no, I got a spot in a couple hours.

00:25:18.000 I ain't starting it over.

00:25:19.000 And we got in a fake argument.

00:25:21.000 It was the most fun I ever had doing live stand-up.

00:25:24.000 Because I said, let me go sit in your high chair and judge me like a little joke monkey, and then I'll come over and we'll say funny stuff there, too. 0.98

00:25:31.000 Well, he's just doing stand-up now.

00:25:33.000 Yeah, and he's got a podcast.

00:25:35.000 Yeah, it's on Sirius, too, as well.

00:25:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:38.000 But he just got tired of doing his show.

00:25:41.000 Wasn't his name Hitler something?

00:25:42.000 Whoa, really?

00:25:43.000 I think so.

00:25:44.000 His name's Hitler? 0.79

00:25:45.000 Craig Ferguson? 1.00

00:25:46.000 What kind of a fucking asshole for a parent? 1.00

00:25:48.000 If you're born with the name of Hitler, I don't care how far you get away from that. 1.00

00:25:51.000 I can't remember the whole name, but I think Hitler was in the name.

00:25:54.000 In the name?

00:25:55.000 Like Hitlersberg? 0.96

00:25:57.000 I don't know.

00:25:58.000 Hitlerstein? 0.58

00:26:00.000 He's Scottish, right?

00:26:01.000 Yeah.

00:26:02.000 What is it?

00:26:03.000 It says it's a Bing Hitler. 0.86

00:26:05.000 It's like something he did in the 80s, it looks like.

00:26:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:10.000 Oh, Bing Hitler. 0.94

00:26:11.000 Yeah.

00:26:12.000 Oh, was it a character that he was doing?

00:26:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:15.000 Oh.

00:26:16.000 I wish we could play it.

00:26:17.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:26:18.000 Look at him.

00:26:19.000 That's hilarious.

00:26:19.000 He looks like he's 12. He looks like he's a kid in school.

00:26:22.000 He really does. 1.00

00:26:23.000 Young face he is with his fake act with his hair all fucked up. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Give me some wine. 1.00

00:26:29.000 Wow.

00:26:31.000 That accent.

00:26:33.000 So much thicker, isn't it?

00:26:36.000 Wow.

00:26:38.000 Wow.

00:26:42.000 So he had a character.

00:26:44.000 That was the character that he'd do.

00:26:46.000 And the character, he would go crazy with it.

00:26:49.000 There was a time, and there is still a time, where we're enthralled by mediocre people with fake accents.

00:26:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:56.000 Not fake accents, but, you know, accents from other places.

00:26:59.000 Foreign accents, I should say, not fake.

00:27:01.000 Also, it's like, the thing that bothers me, and I love stand-up, and it was when a guy acts so different, like, all of a sudden he goes into this character.

00:27:10.000 Mm-hmm.

00:27:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:27:12.000 Yeah.

00:27:13.000 The funniest guys to me are guys that do characters, but they're themselves.

00:27:17.000 Yeah.

00:27:17.000 And they talk real, like, you know.

00:27:19.000 And that's why, I mean, you and Burr, you're the same guys on and off stage.

00:27:24.000 You know, when we're talking, sometimes you get silly, sometimes you're serious. 0.60

00:27:27.000 Right. 0.73

00:27:28.000 Just be yourself, yeah.

00:27:29.000 I know what you're saying.

00:27:30.000 Be sincere. 0.98

00:27:31.000 But you can be just as fucking goofy as you want, but don't stay in that. 0.98

00:27:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:34.000 It's so hacky to me. 0.99

00:27:36.000 It can be.

00:27:37.000 I'm always waiting for someone to do it right.

00:27:39.000 I don't want to pass judgment. 0.92

00:27:41.000 Like maybe one guy comes along and he's in character all the time, but it's fucking hilarious. 0.77

00:27:45.000 It's possible. 0.68

00:27:46.000 I just watched Jim Carrey when he did Andy Kaufman.

00:27:50.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:27:50.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.97

00:27:51.000 Oh, that was the documentary. 0.99

00:27:54.000 Yeah, that sprang from that, but I was watching the movie last night.

00:27:57.000 I forget what it's called.

00:28:00.000 Man on the Moon?

00:28:01.000 Yeah, Man on the Moon.

00:28:02.000 Yeah.

00:28:02.000 Boy, Jim's good.

00:28:04.000 Oh, brilliant.

00:28:05.000 You know what's really interesting with him?

00:28:07.000 He's taken like a severe psychological and I guess philosophical turn where he's just thought about life and things.

00:28:20.000 He must have had like some psychedelic experiences too.

00:28:23.000 I think so.

00:28:23.000 Sounds like it.

00:28:24.000 Yeah, because he's just talking about what matters and what doesn't matter.

00:28:28.000 And there's a bunch of interviews and clips of him discussing things where you're like, whoa, this guy does not...

00:28:36.000 He's not talking like Jim Carrey, the world-famous A-list actor who's had gigantic smash movies.

00:28:44.000 He's not talking like that at all.

00:28:46.000 He's talking like some guy who's just...

00:28:48.000 Trying to sort of understand his place in the universe.

00:28:53.000 Yeah, yeah, he really is.

00:28:54.000 In this really profound way.

00:28:55.000 He's a very well thought out guy.

00:28:57.000 Did you watch this thing about him painting?

00:28:59.000 No.

00:29:00.000 This came out a couple months ago.

00:29:01.000 Oh, didn't we play this where some of his paintings are really cool? 0.99

00:29:03.000 They're like in neon and shit? 0.59

00:29:05.000 Yeah, but he talks about, he says some of the stuff that he's been thinking about and dealing with and whatnot. 0.93

00:29:08.000 So it's called I Need Color and it's on Vimeo.

00:29:11.000 Yeah.

00:29:12.000 So folks, go check that out.

00:29:13.000 Joe, did I tell you about the little part I have in I'm Dying Up Here?

00:29:18.000 No.

00:29:18.000 Okay, so I play Fitzy Anderson, because they wouldn't let me use Fritzy Anderson.

00:29:22.000 Remember Fitzy Anderson?

00:29:23.000 No.

00:29:24.000 Is this thing going on?

00:29:24.000 Hello?

00:29:25.000 Oh, your character.

00:29:26.000 Yeah.

00:29:27.000 And they wouldn't let me...

00:29:28.000 Why wouldn't they let you do that?

00:29:29.000 They said Fritzy was a slur to Germans.

00:29:32.000 What?

00:29:33.000 Yeah.

00:29:33.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:29:35.000 So anyway, I go in the comedy store on a Thursday night.

00:29:38.000 While I was there, just to practice. 0.97

00:29:40.000 I know, like, real, I'm trying a couple lines and doing some shit, and Jim's in the audience. 0.93

00:29:45.000 He comes out, he hugs me. 0.97

00:29:47.000 Anyway, long story short, he was with his wife, his ex-wife, and their daughter was ill, and she's a great girl.

00:29:55.000 She's a really good singer, too, by the way.

00:29:57.000 But anyway, they start talking. 0.90

00:29:58.000 He said, I forgot how fucking funny Dom was. 0.87

00:30:00.000 He goes, I want to put him in this show. 0.91

00:30:03.000 And Melissa goes, well, I'll tell you one thing.

00:30:05.000 He's not going to dance for you.

00:30:06.000 You want him?

00:30:07.000 I'll ask him.

00:30:08.000 But he ain't going to audition.

00:30:09.000 He goes, I'm not going to make an audition. 0.99

00:30:10.000 I've known him for fucking 30 years. 0.98

00:30:12.000 Anyway, that's how I got the part. 0.98

00:30:14.000 Isn't that funny?

00:30:14.000 Just randomly?

00:30:16.000 Randomly.

00:30:16.000 He came in to look for young comedians.

00:30:18.000 I am not one of them.

00:30:20.000 If you could tell by my receding hairline.

00:30:23.000 Yeah, I mean, isn't it amazing?

00:30:25.000 I mean, just there on a Thursday night, randomly.

00:30:27.000 Is that show still going on?

00:30:28.000 Yeah, we're shooting.

00:30:30.000 They're shooting ten more.

00:30:33.000 I know I'm doing an alcoholic the whole time, which is...

00:30:37.000 I never watched it.

00:30:39.000 I watched one episode and I thought it was pretty good, but I heard that it was...

00:30:43.000 It got better.

00:30:43.000 Yeah.

00:30:44.000 Yeah, I heard that it was improving.

00:30:45.000 That's what I heard.

00:30:46.000 Well, you know...

00:30:47.000 All those things start off clunky.

00:30:48.000 Yeah, do you remember Seinfeld at the beginning?

00:30:50.000 I remember News Radio, the show I did in the beginning.

00:30:52.000 It was clunky.

00:30:53.000 Yeah.

00:30:53.000 It took a while to really get rolling.

00:30:54.000 Yeah, to get the rhythm.

00:30:55.000 Become what it is.

00:30:56.000 Yeah.

00:30:57.000 Sitcoms are very difficult.

00:30:58.000 You know, I mean, one of the reasons why people are like, oh, why aren't there any good sitcoms in the air? 0.92

00:31:02.000 Well, goddamn, it's hard to do. 0.91

00:31:04.000 Well, this is a serious one. 0.99

00:31:06.000 Like, I'm kind of the comic relief on this because it's about, like, comedians, but not like, you know, when we goof around.

00:31:13.000 You don't see hardly any of that.

00:31:15.000 You see them more like jealous of each other, and they're showing the dark side of it.

00:31:20.000 The woman who plays the Mitzi part is Melissa Leo.

00:31:23.000 She won an Academy Award for some boxing movie, I forget.

00:31:28.000 But she's playing Mitzi really serious.

00:31:31.000 And I don't want to say anything, you know, because she's a great actress, but...

00:31:36.000 If I were asked to give one note, I would say Mitzi really had a fun side to her. 1.00

00:31:42.000 Mitzi, by the way, for those of you who don't know, is the owner of the Comedy Store.

00:31:47.000 Pauly Shore's mom.

00:31:48.000 She brought us two things.

00:31:50.000 One of them was awesome.

00:31:53.000 Just kidding.

00:31:54.000 Has he been on the show?

00:31:55.000 Yeah, he's been on.

00:31:56.000 Yeah.

00:31:57.000 I like Paulie.

00:31:59.000 He's a sweet guy.

00:32:00.000 He's a good guy to be around. 0.99

00:32:01.000 Like, he gives people hugs and shit. 0.99

00:32:03.000 And like all of us. 1.00

00:32:04.000 He's trying.

00:32:05.000 He's trying to grow up.

00:32:06.000 Yeah.

00:32:06.000 Well, he had a hard life.

00:32:08.000 I mean, can you imagine being babysat by Sam Kinison?

00:32:11.000 No. 1.00

00:32:11.000 I mean, what in the fuck? 1.00

00:32:13.000 What kind of crazy shit is that? 1.00

00:32:14.000 Argus Hamilton sleeping with your mom. 1.00

00:32:16.000 Argus and Sam Kinison hanging around your house.

00:32:18.000 Everybody's doing blow.

00:32:20.000 Yeah.

00:32:20.000 And you're going, what, buddy?

00:32:22.000 It's the weasel.

00:32:25.000 He was gigantic at one point in time.

00:32:28.000 Who, Sam?

00:32:29.000 Well, Sam was for sure, but so was Paulie.

00:32:31.000 Oh, Paulie, yeah.

00:32:31.000 Paulie was gigantic.

00:32:33.000 What is it?

00:32:34.000 Yeah, the weasel.

00:32:35.000 I mean, when he was doing movies like In the Army Now with Andy Dick.

00:32:39.000 Remember that?

00:32:40.000 Jesus Christ.

00:32:41.000 It was huge.

00:32:42.000 He had a three-picture deal.

00:32:44.000 Encino Man.

00:32:45.000 That was another one.

00:32:46.000 Biodome.

00:32:47.000 Remember he did Biodome?

00:32:48.000 Yeah.

00:32:48.000 With Stephen Baldwin?

00:32:50.000 It was a good movie.

00:32:51.000 I enjoyed it.

00:32:53.000 Don't look at me like that!

00:32:55.000 I hear some people talk about Son-in-law all the time. 0.99

00:32:57.000 Yeah, he's fucking funny. 0.99

00:32:59.000 Those movies were fucking funny. 0.98

00:33:00.000 I don't know what he did wrong or where it went wrong or, you know, sometimes, like, I think people just get bored. 0.94

00:33:08.000 They just want some new person, right?

00:33:10.000 I'll tell you who's hot right now is Tiffany Haddish. 0.99

00:33:12.000 Oh, Jew. 1.00

00:33:13.000 Dude.

00:33:13.000 I love that girl.

00:33:14.000 I call you Jew. 1.00

00:33:15.000 Oh, Jew. 1.00

00:33:16.000 I was trying to say, dude.

00:33:17.000 She is Jewish, by the way.

00:33:18.000 Is she?

00:33:19.000 Yeah, she's Ethiopian Jewish.

00:33:20.000 No kidding?

00:33:21.000 Yeah.

00:33:22.000 Tiffany Hatch is the person who told me about sickle cell anemia being related to malaria.

00:33:29.000 That people who have a resistance to malaria develop the trait for sickle cell anemia.

00:33:34.000 Wow.

00:33:34.000 And that's where the origins of it are, apparently.

00:33:36.000 Isn't that crazy? 0.99

00:33:37.000 It's primarily a Jewish and a black disease, right? 1.00

00:33:41.000 Is it? 1.00

00:33:42.000 A Jewish disease as well? 0.99

00:33:43.000 More Jews and blacks get it than any other group. 0.99

00:33:45.000 Oh, that's interesting.

00:33:46.000 I did not know that.

00:33:47.000 I thought it was just blacks.

00:33:48.000 I had a friend of mine who died from it. 0.75

00:33:49.000 Really?

00:33:50.000 Yeah, my friend Walter.

00:33:54.000 Yep.

00:33:54.000 From back when I was fighting, I remember...

00:33:59.000 Man, I would love to see you fight, Joe.

00:34:01.000 I was a different guy, man.

00:34:03.000 I was very intense.

00:34:05.000 I wasn't very funny.

00:34:05.000 Did you ever think you'd be a comedian when you were in those days?

00:34:08.000 No.

00:34:09.000 I didn't think I was funny. 0.97

00:34:11.000 I made people laugh, but the people that I made laugh were all psychos.

00:34:15.000 They were all, like, guys that I was training and fighting with.

00:34:18.000 And I was just, like, I felt like we were all freaks, you know, because we were martial artists that were traveling literally all around the country and entering into these full-contact tournaments.

00:34:29.000 You don't have any video?

00:34:30.000 I have some video.

00:34:30.000 There's a video of me on YouTube.

00:34:32.000 Really?

00:34:32.000 Me knocking somebody out.

00:34:33.000 No kidding.

00:34:34.000 Yeah, when I was 19 in Connecticut.

00:34:35.000 You think you could beat me in a fight?

00:34:37.000 No.

00:34:38.000 I couldn't.

00:34:38.000 I love you too much.

00:34:40.000 I just hold you.

00:34:41.000 Well, you know what you do, which is really interesting for a guy that's strong?

00:34:44.000 That's me right there. 0.65

00:34:46.000 This is me in the blue and I kick that guy and launch him. 0.97

00:34:50.000 That's all I have.

00:34:52.000 I have some other video on my computer somewhere of some like...

00:34:57.000 Uneventful round of some Taekwondo tournament.

00:35:00.000 There's a guy out there who's got a couple of videos of me, though, and he and I have gone back and forth on that.

00:35:04.000 What weight were you?

00:35:05.000 That was 154. When I was in senior year in high school, I fought at 140, and that was too light.

00:35:13.000 It was too hard for me.

00:35:14.000 I was always dehydrating myself and...

00:35:17.000 I would, like, do things in the shower, like jump up and down in the shower and shadow box in the shower with the hot water on and try to sweat out weight.

00:35:27.000 I couldn't eat for, like, a whole day.

00:35:29.000 And then I would fight that day, and it was terrible.

00:35:32.000 I did that for one year.

00:35:33.000 That sounds horrible.

00:35:34.000 My father was a professional boxer.

00:35:36.000 Yeah.

00:35:37.000 But the bad thing about it, he was a 500 boxer.

00:35:41.000 Oh no.

00:35:41.000 In boxing, 500 in baseball, you're the greatest player ever, but boxing, you've got to be like 800, you know, at least.

00:35:47.000 Yeah.

00:35:48.000 Especially to make a living, right?

00:35:49.000 When he won, he would come home beaten up.

00:35:52.000 That must have been hard to see. 0.99

00:35:54.000 You see your dad come home all fucked up. 1.00

00:35:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:35:57.000 I see people that fight in the UFC. And their kids come to hug them, you know, in the cage.

00:36:04.000 And, you know, you see the terrified look in their children's face. 0.99

00:36:07.000 And they're looking, the guy's eyes all fucked up and swollen. 0.98

00:36:12.000 It's a different group, a different type of human being that does that. 0.96

00:36:17.000 I had so much fun, though, the time.

00:36:19.000 You invited me to the one in Montreal where the guy who's the king of Montreal was...

00:36:23.000 George St. Pierre.

00:36:23.000 That was incredible.

00:36:24.000 It was the loudest noise of cheers I've ever heard.

00:36:27.000 Yeah, they love him.

00:36:28.000 And the other one was when we went to the place that were those guys who own the Sacramento Kings, the playboy club, and you had fights there.

00:36:39.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:36:40.000 It's off the strip.

00:36:41.000 Yes, the Palms.

00:36:43.000 Palms.

00:36:43.000 Yes, yes.

00:36:44.000 And one of the cool moments, even though you realize how powerful and how real it is, this kid got knocked out.

00:36:50.000 I was sitting next to his mother and his wife, and he wouldn't wake up for a couple minutes.

00:36:55.000 Then he finally got up.

00:36:57.000 And then there was another kid who was in the cartoons. 0.99

00:37:00.000 He ran up the wall, and I don't know how the fuck he did it. 0.99

00:37:04.000 He was a young black kid. 0.99

00:37:05.000 He ran up the wall and went upside down and then landed on his feet.

00:37:08.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:09.000 Yeah, John Dodson.

00:37:10.000 I'm pretty sure it was John.

00:37:12.000 He does that after fights.

00:37:13.000 He runs up the wall and does flips. 0.67

00:37:15.000 Yeah, he's a freak.

00:37:17.000 Awesome athlete.

00:37:18.000 Yeah, that's a different kind of human being that does that.

00:37:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:24.000 To be in that world, that's an intense existence that's unlike very many other in this world, other than war.

00:37:37.000 You know, war is probably the most intense existence.

00:37:40.000 Guys who are warriors, actual soldiers.

00:37:43.000 Other than that, I think MMA fighters, and then obviously first responders, firefighters, cops, things along those lines.

00:37:49.000 Oh man.

00:37:50.000 I was thinking about that with those fires this year.

00:37:53.000 Oh God.

00:37:53.000 My buddy's a firefighter.

00:37:55.000 He was up there.

00:37:56.000 And he's in Simi Valley and they shipped him out with everybody else.

00:38:02.000 And he was telling me it was insane.

00:38:03.000 He's like, you just, you couldn't stop the fire.

00:38:07.000 It was just too big.

00:38:08.000 And then, you know, they have thousands of firefighters.

00:38:10.000 And here's the other thing.

00:38:12.000 Not just thousands of firefighters, but prisoners.

00:38:14.000 Really?

00:38:15.000 They had prisoners working the fire.

00:38:17.000 And they could get out early, maybe?

00:38:18.000 I don't think so.

00:38:19.000 I think they got paid.

00:38:20.000 And I don't think they got paid much.

00:38:21.000 I think they got paid like a dollar an hour. 0.99

00:38:23.000 Like something fucked up. 0.98

00:38:24.000 And they're out there working on the fires. 0.99

00:38:27.000 I'll just pretend I got burned.

00:38:29.000 I'll just run into the fire.

00:38:30.000 Ah!

00:38:32.000 I'm free!

00:38:35.000 I got a fake ID. I'm going to Mexico.

00:38:37.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure they did it. 0.97

00:38:39.000 I think that's one of the most fucked up things about prison, is that they get them to work, and they pay them like pennies. 0.96

00:38:45.000 I didn't know that. 0.92

00:38:46.000 I mean, I know they get them to clean up, but even if you have a DUI, you can get that, and that would even go into prison.

00:38:52.000 Yeah?

00:38:53.000 I'm pretty sure, yeah.

00:38:54.000 You can work it off or pay it off.

00:38:56.000 Oh, really?

00:38:57.000 They cleaned the sides of the roads.

00:38:58.000 A friend of mine did that.

00:38:59.000 He didn't have the money.

00:39:00.000 How much is the money to pay a DUI? I think it all comes in around ten.

00:39:04.000 Ten grand?

00:39:05.000 Yeah, with the lawyer and everything.

00:39:07.000 Ten grand at a dollar an hour is a long time.

00:39:09.000 Oh, my God.

00:39:10.000 If they really pay you a dollar an hour.

00:39:11.000 Yeah.

00:39:12.000 Well, you know I get that DUI. Yeah.

00:39:15.000 You just Uber it now most of the time, right?

00:39:18.000 Are you drunk right now?

00:39:20.000 No.

00:39:20.000 Do I look drunk?

00:39:23.000 That would be sad.

00:39:24.000 I get nervous when I talk to you.

00:39:27.000 We've been friends for 30 years almost. 0.99

00:39:29.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:39:30.000 Isn't that crazy? 0.99

00:39:31.000 We've been friends for 25 years?

00:39:35.000 Somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 years.

00:39:37.000 That's a long time, Mr. Herrera.

00:39:39.000 That's crazy.

00:39:40.000 Isn't that nuts?

00:39:41.000 Do you think I'd have more material by now?

00:39:45.000 You've already used it off.

00:39:46.000 Hey, you're talking about filming something.

00:39:50.000 What do you mean?

00:39:51.000 Are you talking about filming a special?

00:39:53.000 You know what?

00:39:54.000 I did one.

00:39:55.000 Last time I was on the show, you told me I should do one.

00:39:57.000 I did it, and I just didn't like it.

00:39:58.000 Oh, when did you do it?

00:40:01.000 Last time I was on the show...

00:40:03.000 It's like a year ago, I would imagine.

00:40:05.000 A little more.

00:40:06.000 And then I waited about three months, and I shot it.

00:40:10.000 You just decided not to release it?

00:40:12.000 Yeah.

00:40:12.000 What was wrong with it?

00:40:13.000 Like, what didn't feel good about it?

00:40:15.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:40:16.000 My ass looked fat. 1.00

00:40:19.000 I just didn't like it. 1.00

00:40:21.000 I mean, it didn't seem to have the energy I thought I'd have.

00:40:24.000 Hmm.

00:40:25.000 You know?

00:40:26.000 Huh.

00:40:27.000 So it didn't feel to you like representative of a real set that you would have at a club?

00:40:31.000 Right, just a normal night at a club.

00:40:32.000 That's all I wanted.

00:40:33.000 Did you feel pressure?

00:40:34.000 Because that's one of the things that I feel that I always battle when I do a special, is that like, here's the moment, it's now, ready, go.

00:40:43.000 And one of the best ways I found to combat that was I'd do a bunch of shows.

00:40:46.000 I'd do four shows.

00:40:47.000 See, that's smart.

00:40:48.000 I did two.

00:40:49.000 Yeah, two is tight.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, and they're back-to-back.

00:40:52.000 Yeah.

00:40:53.000 Sometimes people clam up.

00:40:54.000 I've seen people do one and it becomes a disaster You could feel the tightness on stage because there's so much riding on it, but it's just not just a regular show There's no room really to fuck around You gotta have room to fuck around like part of what a live show is is it's flowing I mean I would like to get myself in a club where I'm half If something's worth talking about with an audience member or something that's really cool,

00:41:20.000 I would do it. 0.81

00:41:21.000 But just be a normal club set.

00:41:22.000 That's what I want.

00:41:23.000 Like a normal but very strong club set.

00:41:26.000 Where did you film?

00:41:28.000 The Laugh Factory in Vegas.

00:41:32.000 Yeah.

00:41:32.000 You should do the Laugh Factory in Hollywood.

00:41:34.000 That's a comfortable club for you, and they're already set up for filming.

00:41:38.000 Yeah, I know.

00:41:38.000 I could do it any night.

00:41:39.000 Yeah, maybe that's a good move.

00:41:41.000 Well, Jamie wanted to tape me a couple weeks in a row doing like 40 minutes.

00:41:47.000 Yeah, you should.

00:41:48.000 That's a great place to do it, Dom, because they film you whether you like it or not there.

00:41:53.000 Yeah, well, we talked about this.

00:41:55.000 That's not a good sign.

00:41:56.000 Yeah.

00:41:57.000 But they do have the setup.

00:41:58.000 They have the setup to film you.

00:42:00.000 The Vegas room is nice.

00:42:02.000 Is it?

00:42:02.000 Yeah.

00:42:03.000 Is that the trop?

00:42:05.000 Here's the thing that's great about Vegas, Joe, is that I'm doing the first week of April, I think, the trop. 0.99

00:42:11.000 But then I'll do Brad Garrett's club, too, because they don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:42:15.000 It's Vegas. 0.99

00:42:16.000 Vegas, unlike Columbus, Ohio, they have the same audience, pretty much, you know.

00:42:22.000 But there, the audience comes in from far away every week.

00:42:26.000 So you can play Vegas a lot.

00:42:28.000 That is true.

00:42:29.000 That's one of the reasons why a residency works in Vegas. 0.98

00:42:31.000 Yeah, it wouldn't work anywhere else.

00:42:33.000 Have you ever thought about doing that?

00:42:35.000 A residency? 0.99

00:42:36.000 I think I'd kill myself in Vegas. 0.96

00:42:40.000 Just boozing and hanging out and hitting a rhino at 3 in the morning. 1.00

00:42:45.000 Fistfuls of dollars.

00:42:47.000 I go out with this girl, and she's got really hot daughters, right? 1.00

00:42:53.000 I mean, she's hot, too. 0.85

00:42:54.000 The girl you're dating?

00:42:54.000 Yeah, she's very hot.

00:42:55.000 But she's always telling me how beautiful her daughters are.

00:42:57.000 I go, look, I know, but I don't want...

00:42:59.000 Stop pimping off your daughters to me.

00:43:01.000 But I took him to see Tosh.

00:43:04.000 I was in town for the Super Bowl.

00:43:07.000 And Daniel was at the Mirage, and I forget how big a deal it would be to a 16-year-old boy to meet him.

00:43:15.000 He was so gracious with them, but I couldn't believe it.

00:43:20.000 Because this kid played John Lennon in Love when he was a little kid.

00:43:23.000 So he's been around theatrical people.

00:43:26.000 You know, love that Beatles thing. 0.98

00:43:28.000 That Beatles thing is fucking amazing. 0.98

00:43:30.000 At the Mirage? 0.99

00:43:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:32.000 They start that acapella because...

00:43:35.000 Very cool.

00:43:36.000 Well, I know you're a huge Beatles fan.

00:43:38.000 You've always been a big Beatles fan.

00:43:40.000 I took my family to see that about a month ago or so.

00:43:44.000 Went to see that Mirage. 1.00

00:43:46.000 Fuck, it's incredible. 1.00

00:43:47.000 It's such a show, man. 1.00

00:43:49.000 Isn't it cool to see your kids kind of digging it?

00:43:51.000 Yeah.

00:43:51.000 Like all those years ago.

00:43:54.000 I know so many little kids that like the Beatles.

00:43:56.000 It's weird.

00:43:57.000 They're so good.

00:43:58.000 They were so good.

00:44:00.000 And I think it's hard.

00:44:03.000 For someone today in 2018 with this vast variety of music that we have and so much good music over the history of music, you know, so much recording that it's hard to understand how in the 1960s how amazing the Beatles were.

00:44:18.000 Yeah.

00:44:19.000 That out of nowhere, this band out of Liverpool comes out and they just have this revolutionary music.

00:44:26.000 It's just so much of it is so different.

00:44:28.000 Yeah, it was very different.

00:44:30.000 And they were the ones that added orchestras and all this stuff.

00:44:34.000 It reminds me of the thing we were talking about before of the sitcoms.

00:44:39.000 They were given a chance to get better.

00:44:42.000 A lot of people today, if they're one or two bad records, they're out.

00:44:47.000 Then they got some other beautiful girl replacing them. 1.00

00:44:50.000 It's true.

00:44:51.000 It's the same way with fighters.

00:44:53.000 I've had this conversation with my friend Brendan Schaub and I were talking about this the other day.

00:44:57.000 I know Brendan.

00:44:59.000 Big Brown.

00:44:59.000 Guys get into the UFC too young, and then they're fighting top flight competition right away, and it's either sink or swim.

00:45:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:45:07.000 And some guys swim, but some guys have real massive potential.

00:45:10.000 But really, they should be fighting someone of a lower caliber and developing their skills and experiencing a bunch of different styles, and then eventually working their way up to the UFC after five, six years or so.

00:45:20.000 And instead, they're fighting in the UFC at 20 years old, and they're just not really ready for top flight competition.

00:45:25.000 Because in the UFC, if you string together five, six wins, you're in title contention in some weight divisions.

00:45:30.000 Yeah, that'll discourage the shit out of you. 0.98

00:45:32.000 Yeah, and you're getting fucked up by some guy who's just many, many levels above you. 0.99

00:45:36.000 You really shouldn't be fighting him. 0.96

00:45:38.000 Like, the flyweight division is a perfect example, because it's run by this guy, Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson.

00:45:43.000 He's probably the best pound-for-pound fighter that's ever lived.

00:45:46.000 That's just saying something, man. 0.98

00:45:48.000 He's fucking incredible. 0.99

00:45:49.000 And he's a wizard. 1.00

00:45:50.000 Like, he barely gets hit.

00:45:52.000 And, you know, we've seen him in the Octagon develop and grow and become this guy, and now he's just, there's everybody, and then there's Mighty Mouse.

00:46:01.000 Mighty Mouse is just another level above everybody.

00:46:03.000 I've never seen anybody as good as Mayweather to avoid punches.

00:46:07.000 No one's better.

00:46:08.000 No.

00:46:08.000 No one gets hit less.

00:46:09.000 It's incredible.

00:46:10.000 Yeah.

00:46:11.000 I mean, the guy's 50-0, and obviously one of them was Conor McGregor, which is kind of crazy.

00:46:15.000 But Conor hit him, you know?

00:46:17.000 I mean, Conor can crack, but he just had no business in the ring, honestly.

00:46:22.000 I mean, we really didn't know if he had business in the ring until he fought him.

00:46:24.000 After the fact, it's easy to say that.

00:46:26.000 But he caught him with that uppercut in the first round.

00:46:28.000 What if he wobbled him?

00:46:29.000 What if he hurt him?

00:46:30.000 Anybody can get knocked out.

00:46:32.000 If you get hit right, anybody can get knocked out.

00:46:35.000 But Mayweather has been hit right where he was hurt.

00:46:38.000 I don't think Conor hurt him.

00:46:39.000 I think he just hit him good.

00:46:40.000 But he's been hurt.

00:46:42.000 Sugar Shane Mosley hurt him.

00:46:43.000 He's been hurt a couple of times in his career.

00:46:45.000 But over the course of 50 professional fights where most of them are at world championship level.

00:46:52.000 Right.

00:46:52.000 It's crazy.

00:46:53.000 Remarkable.

00:46:54.000 I was watching, they had like a highlights of the MMA on Fox today, and Ronda Rousey, when she got kicked in the face.

00:47:02.000 Oh, Jesus, yeah.

00:47:03.000 What a great kick that was.

00:47:04.000 Holly Holm, yeah.

00:47:06.000 That was in Australia.

00:47:06.000 I remember being there for that.

00:47:08.000 Oh, that was in Melbourne, right?

00:47:09.000 I think it was in Sydney.

00:47:10.000 Oh, was it?

00:47:11.000 Yeah, pretty sure Sydney.

00:47:12.000 That was crazy.

00:47:13.000 Might have been Melbourne.

00:47:14.000 You might be right.

00:47:15.000 Might be right.

00:47:16.000 I think you're right.

00:47:17.000 Now that I think about it, I think you're right.

00:47:19.000 No, you're definitely right, now that I know it.

00:47:22.000 Stop arguing with yourself.

00:47:23.000 Leave yourself alone.

00:47:24.000 You're a good person.

00:47:25.000 I'm trying to remember.

00:47:26.000 I love Melbourne.

00:47:27.000 Yeah.

00:47:28.000 Ooh, I love that town.

00:47:28.000 Great restaurants.

00:47:29.000 Fuck, I was just going to say that. 1.00

00:47:30.000 Great coffee, too. 1.00

00:47:32.000 Donovan's.

00:47:32.000 They have everything.

00:47:34.000 Like, their seafood's fantastic, but it's almost like...

00:47:37.000 An artsy, sort of San Francisco-like.

00:47:40.000 Yeah, San Francisco is the one I'd compare it to.

00:47:42.000 Yeah, but it's got its own thing.

00:47:43.000 Yeah.

00:47:43.000 Melbourne's got its own thing.

00:47:45.000 Fucking crowds are amazing. 0.99

00:47:46.000 Oh, aren't they cool? 0.99

00:47:47.000 I know.

00:47:47.000 So fun.

00:47:48.000 Yeah.

00:47:49.000 They're great up there.

00:47:50.000 I did a comedy store in Sydney in between, like, bigger gigs to make it worth it for them to bring you over there.

00:47:56.000 And I love it.

00:47:57.000 I just love the culture and the people.

00:47:59.000 I did that, too.

00:47:59.000 Ari and I did the comedy store in Sydney on a Sunday night on a whim.

00:48:04.000 The fights took place early in the day so that it could be on UFC pay-per-view.

00:48:08.000 And so we called up the Comedy Store and said, hey, can we do an impromptu show tonight?

00:48:12.000 We'll just put it up on Twitter.

00:48:14.000 And they said, all right, hold on.

00:48:15.000 Let's call you right back.

00:48:16.000 All right, we're doing it.

00:48:17.000 Let's do it.

00:48:17.000 And so we put it on Twitter and then Ari and I went and did a show that night.

00:48:21.000 And they came, huh?

00:48:22.000 Yeah, it was packed.

00:48:23.000 Yeah.

00:48:23.000 It was awesome.

00:48:24.000 Isn't it cool that you have a draw?

00:48:25.000 Like, you helped me get a draw in Australia.

00:48:27.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:48:28.000 Crazy.

00:48:29.000 Yeah, I mean, when I was, you know, when I started out, if you were on The Tonight Show, that would be the first time all of America saw you.

00:48:37.000 But the whole world, not like this, the whole world hears this.

00:48:41.000 Yeah, it was weird.

00:48:42.000 This thing's got its own life.

00:48:44.000 I'm just here working the wheel.

00:48:46.000 I was at your house one day, kind of like you had started, but you said you feel, I forget what the exact word, but a momentum going.

00:48:55.000 You knew something incredible was going to happen with this show.

00:49:00.000 Do you remember that?

00:49:01.000 You told me you have a feeling.

00:49:03.000 You weren't bragging, not at all, but you were just going with the energy of it, you know?

00:49:08.000 Well, I was saying that I felt like there's something going on.

00:49:12.000 It was just starting to pick up momentum then, and I was like, there's something going on here.

00:49:18.000 And then I was thinking about what the potential of this was.

00:49:21.000 And at the time, when we first started, there wasn't that many people listening to podcasts.

00:49:25.000 It was very small.

00:49:27.000 And we were also streaming live on Ustream, and there wasn't many people listening to that either, or watching that.

00:49:34.000 But I was like, but this keeps growing.

00:49:35.000 And I knew that I was very interested in doing it, so I knew I was going to get better at it.

00:49:40.000 And I was always trying to figure out what ways I could do it better, how to get out of my own way, how to not talk over people, knowing when to talk, when not to talk.

00:49:50.000 I had to figure that out.

00:49:51.000 No, it's tricky.

00:49:52.000 It is tricky.

00:49:53.000 It's tricky to...

00:49:56.000 You have to put yourself in the seat of the person that's listening, and I think listening to podcasts helps that as well, and listening to things that you don't enjoy.

00:50:05.000 So one of the things that Stephen King always says about writing is that you should write, but you should also read.

00:50:10.000 You should read a lot.

00:50:12.000 I think that's the case with podcasts, too.

00:50:14.000 I think that's the case with stand-up as well.

00:50:16.000 I think listening to other stand-up is good.

00:50:18.000 As long as you're not getting ideas from them.

00:50:21.000 You know, as long as you're just enjoying it.

00:50:23.000 Like, the good feeling that you get from watching stand-up, watching someone kill.

00:50:27.000 You know?

00:50:28.000 It's like, I get inspired by it, and it makes me...

00:50:31.000 And then I see things maybe that are a little clunky in someone's act, and I'm like, oh, they need to clean that up, or tighten this up.

00:50:38.000 And it makes me more cognizant about those flaws in my own act, and makes me more self-aware.

00:50:45.000 Yeah.

00:50:45.000 I love to watch, say, like Chris Rock, when he does something, and then two weeks later it works.

00:50:50.000 Yeah.

00:50:51.000 And you see him, and you know he's got a germ or something there, but he's so good at...

00:50:55.000 Setting it up to be a potentially great bit.

00:50:59.000 Well, he's one of the all-time greats for a reason, and one of the reasons is he's a real craftsman.

00:51:04.000 He's a real artist.

00:51:05.000 Chris will go in there, and he's not just trying to kill every time he goes on stage.

00:51:14.000 He's trying to develop material, and he's using that time, and it's a very valuable thing for him.

00:51:21.000 Well, I really believe that this generation is better than the generation I started with, and only because they got to see them and grow from them.

00:51:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:51:31.000 You had to have somebody in the middle because, I mean, honestly, you and Bill, to me, I take you and Bill over Pryor and Carlin.

00:51:40.000 That's sacrilege.

00:51:41.000 No, I'm serious.

00:51:42.000 It's stand-ups.

00:51:44.000 I'm not saying that because you're my friend and we're here.

00:51:47.000 I've seen these guys and I love them.

00:51:51.000 I was one of those kids that grew up watching them.

00:51:54.000 I think your generation has taken it to a different level.

00:51:59.000 There's definitely a benefit in being able to see the people before you, for sure.

00:52:03.000 I've learned a lot watching other comedy, watching people.

00:52:07.000 We were talking yesterday about Richard Jenny.

00:52:12.000 Brilliant writer.

00:52:13.000 Oh, you're so good.

00:52:14.000 Every time I see a man with sandals, I think of him.

00:52:17.000 Say, how you doing there, Spartacus?

00:52:19.000 Something like that.

00:52:21.000 Yeah, he, I was listening to one of his recordings on the way home, a big steaming pile of me, like, I don't know, at least a year ago, probably more, but I remember, like, getting a noticeable bump in my writing after I listened to it,

00:52:37.000 because it was so inspiring.

00:52:39.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:39.000 I think that's a giant advantage that we have today with YouTube and iTunes and things along those lines where you can listen to anything you want.

00:52:49.000 I was listening to an old Woody Allen recording the other day.

00:52:53.000 Just in my car driving, I was listening to Woody Allen do stand-up in the 1960s. 0.99

00:52:57.000 You could tell he was a fucking pervert even back then. 0.99

00:52:59.000 There was a line in Love and Death. 1.00

00:53:04.000 Remember Love and Death?

00:53:05.000 Yes.

00:53:06.000 And Diane Keaton goes to this high priest, and she steps on his beard, and it's a very funny scene, and he says, the most beautiful thing in the world is a 12-year-old girl, blonde hair, preferably twins, right?

00:53:19.000 And this is all this perverted thing.

00:53:21.000 This happened 20 years, 25 years before he got accused of anything.

00:53:26.000 Yeah.

00:53:27.000 You know, but it was just interesting hearing him because he did a couple, he did it even in Manhattan with Hemingway.

00:53:33.000 It was a little bit twisted, you know?

00:53:36.000 I don't remember Manhattan very much.

00:53:38.000 Well, he falls in love and she falls in love with him.

00:53:40.000 She's like supposed to be 16 and he's amazing.

00:53:42.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:53:45.000 Yeah, well, isn't that something that people tend to do? 0.97

00:53:48.000 They try to normalize whatever fucked up perversion they have, and they put it into art. 0.99

00:53:53.000 Like, that was one of the things that they were accusing Louis CK of with this movie that he released right before it came out that he was jerking off in front of a bunch of people. 0.99

00:54:02.000 He had this movie, and part of the movie was just talking about how everyone's a pervert. 0.98

00:54:08.000 We're all perverts.

00:54:10.000 I'll tell you something off the air. 0.93

00:54:11.000 When we get off, remind me to tell you.

00:54:13.000 I don't want to say it on the air.

00:54:14.000 Off the air with Dom Herrera.

00:54:17.000 That's your new show.

00:54:18.000 Off the air with Dom Herrera.

00:54:19.000 All I do is burn people and lose any contacts I've ever had.

00:54:25.000 Hey, is this thing on?

00:54:26.000 It's not good.

00:54:27.000 Let me tell you a story.

00:54:29.000 I got a good one, man.

00:54:30.000 Actually, the night that he went, or the day after he went on stage, I said, I'm so excited I got a part in Louis C.K.'s new TV show.

00:54:39.000 Should shoot in about 10, 15 years.

00:54:43.000 And it took him a beat and then they got it. 0.96

00:54:46.000 I think he'll be back in a year.

00:54:47.000 Well, you know what, Joe?

00:54:48.000 He has that advantage.

00:54:49.000 He was the one that created the idea of selling your own thing, right?

00:54:53.000 Yes.

00:54:53.000 So he can do that.

00:54:54.000 He doesn't need a producer for that.

00:54:56.000 That's true.

00:54:57.000 That's true.

00:54:58.000 You'd have him on this show, right?

00:55:00.000 I would 100% have him on.

00:55:01.000 Yeah.

00:55:03.000 I think he's a different person than when he did those things. 0.97

00:55:07.000 I think those things that he did, jerking off in front of a bunch of people, is terrible. 0.91

00:55:10.000 And I think he probably had an idea in his head of what those things were and of who he was and who he would be. 0.82

00:55:17.000 And I think a lot of your self-definitions a lot of times are based on this very limited idea of who you are, very limited idea of who you're going to be. 0.94

00:55:27.000 And he's like wallowing in his own weirdness and just wants to jerk off in front of somebody.

00:55:32.000 You know, it's out of all the offenses of things you could do to someone, it's one of the least egregious. 0.98

00:55:38.000 Because he's not raping.

00:55:40.000 As long as he didn't lock the door.

00:55:42.000 Yeah, he didn't lock the door.

00:55:43.000 He's not doing anything awful to someone.

00:55:46.000 He's just doing something weird in front of them.

00:55:48.000 I think it's beautiful.

00:55:49.000 Do you?

00:55:50.000 No.

00:55:50.000 No, I don't think it's beautiful.

00:55:51.000 There's a lot of things that I think are beautiful.

00:55:53.000 I think it's ape-like.

00:55:54.000 It's definitely ape-like.

00:55:55.000 Well, it's human-like.

00:55:57.000 Then I batted it out of the air. 0.99

00:55:59.000 Because an ape doesn't really care if you're jerking off, if you're watching when he's jerking off. 1.00

00:56:02.000 He could be eating and jerking off at the same time. 0.99

00:56:05.000 Banana in one hand, banana in the other. 0.99

00:56:07.000 Get it?

00:56:08.000 Hey! 0.99

00:56:09.000 Hey! 0.99

00:56:10.000 That's what I did there!

00:56:12.000 Yeah, out of all the things that he did, and I think that his apology...

00:56:18.000 Pretty was...

00:56:19.000 What's the way to look at it?

00:56:22.000 I think it was honest.

00:56:23.000 I think it sort of explained how his mind worked and why he did it in the first place.

00:56:29.000 It's obviously not something he's proud of.

00:56:31.000 It's obviously something he's disgusted by himself.

00:56:34.000 Here's the thing. 1.00

00:56:35.000 You jerk off in front of someone 10 years ago. 0.99

00:56:37.000 How do you fix that? 1.00

00:56:39.000 You don't do it again, and he hasn't done it again.

00:56:42.000 Here's the thing.

00:56:43.000 No one's saying he's done anything in a long time.

00:56:45.000 Like, all the accusations were like, I want to say they were from years ago, right?

00:56:52.000 What do you do?

00:56:53.000 Like, how do you fix that? 0.99

00:56:54.000 Like, let's say you did jerk off in front of a few people, Dom. 0.98

00:56:58.000 Like, you know, I don't know why it came over me. 0.99

00:57:00.000 I jerked off in front of a blind lady. 1.00

00:57:01.000 Does that still count? 0.90

00:57:03.000 It depends on how good her hearing is.

00:57:05.000 Oh, you're right.

00:57:06.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:57:09.000 She's like, what are you doing over there, Dom?

00:57:12.000 My bad.

00:57:13.000 Nothing.

00:57:16.000 And she has to guess. 1.00

00:57:18.000 It's all fucking guesswork. 0.99

00:57:20.000 How do you fix that? 0.99

00:57:21.000 Like, what does a guy do to fix that?

00:57:24.000 I mean, I think out of all the people... 0.98

00:57:26.000 How the fuck would you rehabilitate Harvey Weinstein? 0.99

00:57:29.000 How do you let Harvey Weinstein around a woman again? 0.99

00:57:31.000 How do you leave Harvey Weinstein in a hotel room with a woman who comes in for a meeting or an office?

00:57:36.000 Cosby was the worst, though. 0.67

00:57:37.000 He's the worst. 1.00

00:57:38.000 He's the worst. 0.98

00:57:38.000 I don't think you could rehabilitate him. 0.98

00:57:40.000 What do you do?

00:57:41.000 How do you fix that?

00:57:43.000 The only way Cosby gets rehabilitated, I mean, not really rehabilitated, but the only way he gets reintroduced into society is if everyone believes those girls are lying.

00:57:52.000 And that's never going to happen.

00:57:53.000 It's impossible.

00:57:54.000 Because everybody heard those stories a long time ago. 0.89

00:57:56.000 I did Star Search in like 83, and he was the guest host, and we were hearing shit about him on the set then. 0.96

00:58:05.000 Really? 0.97

00:58:06.000 Womenizing and stuff. 0.99

00:58:07.000 Yeah, I mean, of course, not as extreme as drugging them and raping them. 0.99

00:58:11.000 But like, if you're a guy like Louis C.K., how do you... 0.85

00:58:16.000 What do you do?

00:58:17.000 What could he have done before the story came out that he's doing that to girls?

00:58:22.000 What could he have done to make amends?

00:58:26.000 I mean, what could he have done?

00:58:27.000 He said sorry to some of the people.

00:58:28.000 I don't know.

00:58:29.000 Why are you looking at me like that?

00:58:30.000 I'm just trying to think.

00:58:32.000 You're my friend.

00:58:33.000 I'm looking at you.

00:58:34.000 You're right there.

00:58:36.000 I'm just thinking, what would one do?

00:58:39.000 I mean, it seems like I mean, I'm not exonerating him, right?

00:58:44.000 But it seems like all these years since then, he hasn't done it again, right?

00:58:48.000 So if he hasn't done it again, he must understand that there's something wrong with it.

00:58:52.000 There's some weird compulsion. 0.86

00:58:55.000 And it had to be a power thing, because anybody can get a hooker and do that. 1.00

00:59:01.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:59:03.000 He's probably doing that, too. 0.99

00:59:06.000 I mean, if he liked jerking off in front of people, he might have just liked jerking off in front of all kinds of people. 1.00

00:59:11.000 He might have jerked off in front of hookers, too. 1.00

00:59:13.000 I mean, I don't know. 0.99

00:59:14.000 But we know that he did it in front of women that really didn't want him to do that.

00:59:18.000 That's what I thought might be part of the kinkiness of it. 0.99

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 But there's some stories of him doing it in front of women, and they thought it was hilarious.

00:59:25.000 He did it in front of some female comics, and they thought it was hilarious.

00:59:29.000 How do you stay hard when they're laughing?

00:59:31.000 You gotta be a real animal.

00:59:34.000 It's better man than me, Dom.

00:59:37.000 I did a line, Joe, I don't know what you think of this line, but Woody Allen, I mentioned him on stage and these women started booing.

00:59:44.000 I said, why are you booing?

00:59:45.000 And they said, because of what he did and the daughter and all this.

00:59:47.000 I said, look, I don't know.

00:59:49.000 I said, but one thing you gotta admit, he really must love her because it's not like she's hot.

00:59:55.000 I know, but that got a laugh.

00:59:59.000 When we get off stage, I'll tell you Tony Hinchcliffe's new bit.

01:00:02.000 I can't say it on stage, but I'll tell you on stage when you tell me your thing on stage. 0.91

01:00:08.000 Tony Hinchcliffe has a new bit that's fucking ruthless and killed me. 0.77

01:00:11.000 And we came up with it in the car this weekend. 0.97

01:00:14.000 We were on a road trip, and we were talking about something, and he said it. 0.99

01:00:18.000 And I fucking died. 0.98

01:00:20.000 I said, you've got to say that on stage. 1.00

01:00:22.000 He goes, seriously?

01:00:23.000 I go, you've got to say that on stage.

01:00:25.000 I'll tell you. 0.99

01:00:26.000 You did it last night and the room fucking exploded. 0.98

01:00:29.000 You had to come back and do the show when I do it. 0.98

01:00:31.000 What show?

01:00:32.000 His show.

01:00:32.000 His show, Kill Tony?

01:00:34.000 I don't like to work Monday nights.

01:00:35.000 Oh yeah, well you gotta...

01:00:36.000 I have a schedule now.

01:00:37.000 No, you gotta see the family.

01:00:38.000 Yeah, but I have a schedule now on Monday.

01:00:41.000 Sundays and Mondays.

01:00:42.000 Yeah, Sundays and Mondays is extreme family time.

01:00:46.000 Good. 0.99

01:00:46.000 I don't do jack shit. 0.99

01:00:47.000 No, because you won't have these days and they grow up so fast, not to get corny, but enjoy them. 0.99

01:00:52.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:00:53.000 I'm enjoying it.

01:00:55.000 I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life.

01:00:57.000 Good.

01:00:58.000 That's great to hear that.

01:00:59.000 Yeah.

01:00:59.000 And I'm also...

01:01:00.000 I think I'm a nicer person now than I've ever been in my life.

01:01:03.000 Way nicer.

01:01:05.000 You don't have much to compare with. 1.00

01:01:08.000 You little prick. 0.99

01:01:10.000 It just makes you... 0.96

01:01:12.000 Dave Chappelle said this to me once, and I think it was a really great quote.

01:01:15.000 He said, not only has having children made me...

01:01:19.000 Made me love someone more than I ever thought I could.

01:01:22.000 It's changed my capacity for love.

01:01:24.000 And that's cool.

01:01:25.000 Yeah.

01:01:26.000 He's like, my capacity for love is much greater.

01:01:28.000 That makes sense.

01:01:30.000 Like, you realize, like, a lot of our struggles and a lot of the shit that we go through in this life, a lot of it is about perspective and a lot of it is about who's around you and what kind of loving environment you're around. 0.67

01:01:43.000 And it's also having kids and not having the strain The financial strain, the emotional strain, and the ignorance strain that my parents had and their parents had. 0.97

01:01:57.000 Ignorance is a big thing, too.

01:01:58.000 They didn't know how to raise kids back then. 0.78

01:02:00.000 Of course not.

01:02:01.000 They hit us.

01:02:01.000 They yelled at us.

01:02:03.000 My mom didn't hit me, but it was a common thing for people to hit their kids. 1.00

01:02:08.000 I remember Bruce Willis said to me one time, to be a name drummer, He said, you know, one of the things about having kids, he goes, this little girl, I forget the middle one's name, he said she would wake me up to walk her to the bathroom.

01:02:21.000 And to her, I wasn't a movie star.

01:02:25.000 I was daddy, because she's afraid of the dark, walking her in, you know.

01:02:29.000 And he said that really humanized him and made him feel good.

01:02:34.000 You know what it's like.

01:02:35.000 You get stroked all the time.

01:02:36.000 It's like sometimes you just want to be normal.

01:02:38.000 Well, not only that, when Bruce Willis was famous, there was way less famous people.

01:02:43.000 Because there was no famous internet personalities.

01:02:46.000 There was no famous reality TV stars.

01:02:49.000 There was way less famous rappers.

01:02:52.000 There was way less famous comedians.

01:02:54.000 Think of how few famous comedians there were back in the day. 0.91

01:02:56.000 That's why we all, like me and Dice and guys that were on Rodney's specials, we were really fucking lucky.

01:03:02.000 Because we became instant draws.

01:03:04.000 I paid to see you after you were on Rodney's special.

01:03:08.000 At Nick's, right?

01:03:09.000 Yeah, I went to see you at Nick's, and I went to see you two nights in a row, because one night I thought you were supposed to be there, and either you missed your flight or something happened, and Dennis Leary was there instead. 0.99

01:03:19.000 And I was like, what the fuck? 0.92

01:03:21.000 And so we came back the next day, and we saw you again. 1.00

01:03:24.000 Who were you with?

01:03:25.000 A girl that I was dating.

01:03:26.000 Her name was Stephanie.

01:03:28.000 She used to tell me what to do.

01:03:30.000 She was older.

01:03:31.000 Oh, really?

01:03:32.000 She was the dominant one?

01:03:34.000 She was.

01:03:34.000 It was the first girl.

01:03:35.000 She was 25. I was 21. She's sick.

01:03:38.000 She liked the dick, though. 1.00

01:03:39.000 I'll tell you that. 1.00

01:03:41.000 Like a little bit of the old Schlazio?

01:03:44.000 Well, that was what was exciting about it.

01:03:46.000 She was the first woman I dated.

01:03:48.000 Like, you know, she was a woman.

01:03:50.000 I dated girls before that. 1.00

01:03:51.000 That girl was a woman. 1.00

01:03:53.000 And, you know, she was fucking smart, too. 0.99

01:03:55.000 I prefer girls who are a woman's age. 1.00

01:03:59.000 Yeah, she was just intense.

01:04:03.000 She'd tell me what to do with stand-up, too.

01:04:05.000 She'd give me a stand-up advice.

01:04:06.000 Really?

01:04:06.000 Yeah.

01:04:06.000 It's kind of hilarious.

01:04:07.000 I saw that Seinfeld episode where the girl broke up with him because of his act.

01:04:11.000 Oh, really?

01:04:11.000 No, no, no.

01:04:12.000 It was so fucking funny. 0.98

01:04:13.000 She goes, I don't think this is going to work. 0.99

01:04:15.000 He goes, why?

01:04:16.000 We're having a great time.

01:04:16.000 She says, well, your act, did you ever notice?

01:04:20.000 She goes, that's not my style of comedy.

01:04:22.000 He goes, you're breaking up with me because of my act?

01:04:24.000 She goes, yes, I am.

01:04:25.000 That was the end of the show.

01:04:27.000 That's hilarious.

01:04:28.000 Well, if you were a girl and you were a huge comedy fan, like imagine if you were a girl and you just, you love Chappelle and Bill Burr and Dom Herrera and Duncan Trussell and Joey Diaz and all these great comedians and then you start dating a prop act.

01:04:46.000 And he's the worst prop act. 1.00

01:04:48.000 It's like fucking stupid. 1.00

01:04:50.000 He's got a soundtrack he has to play. 1.00

01:04:52.000 Hit the music!

01:04:53.000 Drops down and comes up with an outfit on.

01:04:55.000 I said, hit it! 0.64

01:04:56.000 It's terrible jokes.

01:04:58.000 Sophie told me that she couldn't go out with me if she didn't like my act. 0.98

01:05:01.000 That makes sense.

01:05:02.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:05:02.000 Yeah, if you're a comedy fan, I mean, if you're a music fan, how the fuck could you date a guy who's got terrible songs? 0.98

01:05:08.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:05:08.000 How could you? 0.96

01:05:09.000 It would be rough.

01:05:10.000 You know, if you're a bad accountant...

01:05:13.000 You know, but you're a great guy.

01:05:15.000 You probably still get a date.

01:05:18.000 You know? 0.99

01:05:20.000 But if you're fucking terrible to think that someone loves, right? 0.98

01:05:23.000 Well, it's so much more personal than the debits and credits. 0.99

01:05:27.000 You know, it's like your stand-up is you, a reflection of you.

01:05:31.000 Generally, I mean, if a good stand-up is, you know.

01:05:33.000 One of the most personal things.

01:05:35.000 I think music, stand-up, maybe writing.

01:05:40.000 Writing's pretty personal.

01:05:41.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 But stand-up, really good stand-ups reveal something of themselves.

01:05:46.000 You feel like you know them.

01:05:47.000 For sure.

01:05:48.000 You relate to them.

01:05:48.000 For sure.

01:05:49.000 Yeah.

01:05:50.000 Yeah, it's, I mean, there's more famous stand-ups today.

01:05:54.000 I was talking with Jeff Wills from Live Nation.

01:05:57.000 Yeah, I know Jeff, yeah.

01:05:58.000 Jeff and I were talking about the number of guys today and gals that can sell out big-ass theaters. 0.95

01:06:07.000 And it's nuts.

01:06:08.000 He's like, dude, 20 years ago, there was nobody.

01:06:11.000 There was like a handful.

01:06:12.000 Everybody worked at clubs, and there was a few George Carlins out there.

01:06:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:17.000 You know, a few Chris Rocks or, you know, whoever it was at the time that could sell out a theater. 0.98

01:06:23.000 And now, like, fucking everybody's selling out these theaters. 0.99

01:06:26.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:06:26.000 Well, if they have the right social media, yeah. 0.99

01:06:28.000 Social media.

01:06:30.000 But they still have to have an act, because they'll sell out once, maybe twice, but then it's done.

01:06:34.000 That's what happened with a lot of those people from that stand-up competition show.

01:06:40.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:42.000 Last Comic Stand.

01:06:43.000 Yeah, they went around once.

01:06:44.000 Then the ones that were good, like Alonzo Bowden.

01:06:47.000 Eliza.

01:06:47.000 Yeah.

01:06:48.000 Eliza's probably the most successful out of that group. 1.00

01:06:51.000 Yeah.

01:06:51.000 She's done more, I think.

01:06:53.000 She's had more specials.

01:06:55.000 She sells out everywhere. 0.96

01:06:57.000 She does good-sized theaters. 0.93

01:06:59.000 She's selling out.

01:06:59.000 She just sold out her whole tour.

01:07:01.000 She probably has the most success. 0.98

01:07:03.000 She works hard, yeah. 0.99

01:07:03.000 She does work hard. 0.99

01:07:04.000 That girl kicks ass. 1.00

01:07:05.000 Like, she doesn't fuck around. 1.00

01:07:07.000 She told me something so funny when she was on my podcast when Jamie still did it. 1.00

01:07:12.000 And she goes, I have a great body, you know.

01:07:15.000 She has sweatpants on her.

01:07:17.000 I'm thinking, well, no, I don't know.

01:07:20.000 Show it, for God's sakes.

01:07:21.000 Wear a skirt.

01:07:22.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:07:22.000 And then she'd tell you you're some piece of shit for asking to show it. 1.00

01:07:25.000 No, but I mean, I don't know what to tell her. 1.00

01:07:27.000 Well, she's funny.

01:07:28.000 She's an aggressive girl. 1.00

01:07:30.000 When she was on my podcast, the fucking comments were hilarious. 1.00

01:07:34.000 Like, men either love her or they fucking hate her. 0.99

01:07:39.000 Like, her, the thumbs up, the thumbs down versus Eliza, like on the podcast, the thumbs up versus thumbs down, she got like one of the worst ratios of anyone that's ever been on the podcast. 0.99

01:07:50.000 Really?

01:07:50.000 Yeah.

01:07:50.000 I enjoyed it.

01:07:51.000 I enjoyed talking to her.

01:07:52.000 I like her.

01:07:53.000 I'm not threatened by confident I would say cocky women. 0.99

01:07:59.000 Doesn't threaten me.

01:08:00.000 Yeah.

01:08:00.000 But for a lot, because I'm not threatened by confident cocky men.

01:08:03.000 I'm around them all the time.

01:08:04.000 Of course.

01:08:05.000 It doesn't bother me.

01:08:06.000 I don't judge you by it.

01:08:07.000 Maybe I feel like it's silly sometimes with some people.

01:08:10.000 Yeah.

01:08:11.000 If they're too confident or too cocky or they're too dismissive of other people, I think it's silly.

01:08:15.000 But I don't get mad at it.

01:08:17.000 I would have when I was younger.

01:08:18.000 Yeah.

01:08:19.000 When I was younger, someone that was cocky or overconfident or just... 0.97

01:08:25.000 I'd feel threatened by it or I'd be upset by it or I'd judge them in a weird way where I'd connect all my own shit to them and get upset at them. 0.98

01:08:38.000 Yeah, I know what you mean. 0.97

01:08:40.000 I definitely have trouble with attitude.

01:08:44.000 I'm thinking, you know how lucky you are?

01:08:46.000 You know how lucky we are to be in this? 1.00

01:08:47.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

01:08:48.000 You know what it's like to work? 1.00

01:08:50.000 Well, one of the things about you, Tom, you're always super supportive of young guys, and girls too.

01:08:55.000 You've always been real supportive of young comics.

01:09:00.000 I think you should be.

01:09:02.000 I think so too.

01:09:03.000 I've learned a lot of that from you.

01:09:04.000 Oh, cool.

01:09:05.000 That's nice of you to say.

01:09:06.000 I was thinking about Tiffany because Tiffany means a lot to me.

01:09:10.000 I taught her at comedy camp when she was a teenager.

01:09:14.000 Really?

01:09:14.000 Yeah, I've seen her through a bunch of struggles.

01:09:16.000 That's crazy.

01:09:17.000 Foster homes and trying to keep her family together. 1.00

01:09:20.000 So I had her on a podcast, and she said, you know, back in the day, she goes, I wanted to fuck you. 1.00

01:09:26.000 I said, first of all, Tiffany, you're like a goddaughter to me. 0.99

01:09:30.000 It never crossed my mind, and it really didn't, even though I think she's a beautiful girl.

01:09:34.000 And I said, the second thing is, I never take my pants in front of you. 1.00

01:09:37.000 I said, no, I got this beautiful black girl going, you call that a dick? 1.00

01:09:43.000 That's my biggest fear. 1.00

01:09:47.000 It's funny watching her blow up.

01:09:49.000 She's hilarious.

01:09:50.000 She took to it like a duck to water.

01:09:51.000 Talk about confidence.

01:09:54.000 Oh, she's got massive confidence.

01:09:56.000 Almost like she feels like that's where she was always meant to be.

01:10:01.000 She's just waiting for the bell to ring.

01:10:04.000 When she did Colbert, honest to God, I was sitting there crying.

01:10:08.000 I swear.

01:10:09.000 Crying happiness?

01:10:10.000 Yeah.

01:10:11.000 That's awesome.

01:10:12.000 No, jealousy.

01:10:12.000 I was bitter.

01:10:14.000 How'd she get on this show?

01:10:15.000 I love Colbert.

01:10:17.000 He doesn't even return my calls.

01:10:18.000 I've got Trump jokes, too.

01:10:20.000 That's all that show is these days, right?

01:10:22.000 I don't think it'd be on the air for Trump.

01:10:25.000 It would be on the air.

01:10:26.000 I don't know, Joe.

01:10:26.000 They were dying.

01:10:27.000 They were way behind.

01:10:28.000 Not like my Nielsen ratings all of a sudden.

01:10:31.000 But they were behind, right?

01:10:32.000 They were way behind.

01:10:33.000 And then he went for it. 1.00

01:10:35.000 When he called the president's mouth Putin's cock holster, I was like, holy shit, I can't believe he said that on the air. 1.00

01:10:42.000 I didn't hear that. 1.00

01:10:42.000 You didn't hear that? 1.00

01:10:43.000 No. 1.00

01:10:43.000 He went on this epic rant about Trump, and then he said something about his mouth being Putin's cock holster. 1.00

01:10:49.000 Wow. 1.00

01:10:50.000 And they beeped out cock, obviously. 0.99

01:10:52.000 It's pretty obvious what he said, but I'm sitting there going, what is going on with late night TV? Yeah, well, you know, Kimmel's been on a run lately of crying and talking about this. 0.98

01:11:02.000 Yeah, crying?

01:11:02.000 He is.

01:11:03.000 He does.

01:11:04.000 I think he breaks down like every night now at one point.

01:11:07.000 It's good for ratings.

01:11:07.000 It's really good for ratings.

01:11:08.000 Oh, he's a sensitive guy.

01:11:09.000 It's a good way to cut the commercial.

01:11:11.000 He's a legitimately sensitive guy.

01:11:12.000 He's a very nice guy.

01:11:13.000 Jimmy Kimmel is a very, very good person.

01:11:16.000 He's a genuine nice guy with a real heart, and he really does care.

01:11:21.000 I remember he cried after the Vegas shooting, and he's from Vegas.

01:11:24.000 Did he cry recently?

01:11:25.000 Was it the school shooting?

01:11:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:11:27.000 But that was brutal.

01:11:28.000 The girl that I go out with was there that night, and she was at the Trop, and all the people came running down into the Trop.

01:11:35.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:11:37.000 So, New Year's Eve, I'm with her.

01:11:38.000 The Vegas shooting.

01:11:39.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 And people, they had to stay there for a couple hours.

01:11:42.000 They had everything under lockdown because they didn't know who had guns and who didn't.

01:11:44.000 They didn't know if it was one person or 50 people.

01:11:46.000 Right.

01:11:47.000 And she's at the Trump and she got kind of traumatized by it.

01:11:52.000 So, New Year's Eve, we're walking outside and all of a sudden she starts shaking.

01:11:56.000 And she was having an anxiety attack, you know, about being in a crowd. 0.99

01:12:00.000 So I was just fucking her trying to make her laugh. 1.00

01:12:02.000 I said, no, don't worry about it. 0.99

01:12:03.000 And then we're, you know, the fireworks.

01:12:05.000 I said, all I really care about is fireworks.

01:12:07.000 And you took that away from me because of your selfish feelings, you know.

01:12:11.000 But I got her laughing anyway. 0.99

01:12:15.000 The fucking, the volume of them. 0.99

01:12:19.000 It just seems like every couple months there's a new one. 1.00

01:12:21.000 Remember when Columbine, we thought, this is terrible, and it won't happen again?

01:12:25.000 It's like there's so many now, you know, you get used to it, which is sad. 0.98

01:12:30.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy. 0.79

01:12:31.000 And I don't know what the answer is, you know? 0.99

01:12:34.000 I don't know if it's tighter gun control.

01:12:37.000 I don't know if that would stop them, because it would just make it more difficult to get guns, but would that be enough?

01:12:43.000 But we're not doing anything.

01:12:44.000 Well, I think we've got to try something.

01:12:47.000 I don't know what to do.

01:12:47.000 I mean, and there's also the number of people that are on psychiatric medication.

01:12:51.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.96

01:12:52.000 Well, I think that for the M15s or whatever they are, they shouldn't be sold. 1.00

01:12:57.000 They shouldn't be.

01:12:58.000 I mean, do you really need that to kill a pheasant?

01:13:01.000 It's not a hunting gun, really.

01:13:04.000 The guy who designed them said he made it for war.

01:13:07.000 Yeah, the real guns for hunting are usually bolt-action rifles, which means you have a round.

01:13:15.000 You have usually two or three in the magazine.

01:13:18.000 You have a couple or one in the chamber.

01:13:21.000 You put it in there.

01:13:22.000 You lock it in place, you clamp it down, and you fire a shot, and then you have to bolt it again.

01:13:29.000 You have to use the action again.

01:13:31.000 The shell pops out, and another one goes in.

01:13:34.000 Bolt that down, and then you get another shot.

01:13:36.000 It's a very slow thing.

01:13:38.000 Like, it takes a couple seconds.

01:13:40.000 Whereas these ARs, you're like, dang! 1.00

01:13:42.000 Or with the bump stocks, apparently the president wants to ban bump stocks.

01:13:48.000 Where the bump stock is, it's a stock where you pull back on it, and apparently you push forward and pull back at the same time. 0.94

01:13:57.000 I might be fucking this up. 0.67

01:13:59.000 But the thing is, the stock makes the trigger go like... 0.93

01:14:03.000 Where it's almost like an automatic weapon.

01:14:06.000 And Trump just decided to ban those, and there's a lot of people that are up in arms about him banning those.

01:14:13.000 The gun rights people don't want to lose anything.

01:14:16.000 They don't want to lose any rights. 0.99

01:14:17.000 They don't want to lose any fucking crazy ass weapons. 0.99

01:14:21.000 They think that any slip is eventually going to lead to them getting their guns taken away. 0.99

01:14:27.000 I follow a bunch of NRA people and gun people on Twitter and Instagram.

01:14:31.000 Nobody's going to take their guns away.

01:14:33.000 They think they are.

01:14:34.000 They think they are.

01:14:35.000 I mean, I agree with you.

01:14:37.000 I don't think that's ever gonna come to that.

01:14:39.000 But the idea that tighter regulation is bad, I don't think that's true.

01:14:45.000 I think, first of all, you should have to go through some sort of examination. 0.98

01:14:49.000 If you can go through exam- you can't drive a fucking car unless you prove that you know how to How to operate a car. 0.98

01:14:56.000 Like someone has to be there with you that's an expert, a driving expert who watches you. 0.99

01:15:00.000 They watch, make sure you know what to do.

01:15:02.000 What do you do here at this light?

01:15:03.000 Do you know how to hit the brakes?

01:15:04.000 Do you stop perfectly?

01:15:06.000 Do you look left and right before you turn? 0.99

01:15:08.000 All that shit is super important if you want to drive. 1.00

01:15:11.000 How the fuck is it not super important if you operate a goddamn firearm? 1.00

01:15:15.000 I know. 1.00

01:15:15.000 I don't understand. 1.00

01:15:16.000 I think the kid who did the latest shooting in Florida, if I'm putting two stories together, I don't know, but apparently he was underage and had fake ID and still was able to buy it.

01:15:30.000 I don't know.

01:15:31.000 I didn't read that story.

01:15:33.000 I avoided the story.

01:15:34.000 I saw the kid's face. 0.99

01:15:36.000 It's fucking insane. 0.99

01:15:37.000 And you hear all the stories about kids that were saying that they knew that this kid was going to be a school shooter anyway. 0.99

01:15:42.000 They were saying in the past.

01:15:45.000 And then one of the things he wrote, he wrote it on Facebook or something, that he wants to be a professional school shooter.

01:15:52.000 And then two years later, and he got visited by the FBI. The FBI actually checked this fucking kid out, talked to him about it, decided he wasn't a threat. 0.98

01:16:00.000 How do you decide someone's a threat or not a threat? 0.99

01:16:03.000 Well, if you're talking to them, they're a threat.

01:16:05.000 I mean, the FBI can't talk to everybody, but I would be suspicious of anyone that it took that much energy to go find him.

01:16:12.000 How did they find him?

01:16:13.000 Why would they even question him?

01:16:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:16.000 I think people were saying that he's a fucking psychopath. 1.00

01:16:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:21.000 It hurts.

01:16:22.000 It's just sad. 0.97

01:16:24.000 It's just fucking sad that it's sad that anyone could do that. 0.99

01:16:27.000 It's sad that anyone would be hurting and so fucked up that you could take a child. 0.99

01:16:32.000 Imagine you have a kid, right? 0.99

01:16:34.000 You got a little Dom Herrera.

01:16:35.000 A little tiny baby.

01:16:36.000 And he's just a cute little fella. 0.94

01:16:38.000 A little tiny baby.

01:16:39.000 They don't know anything.

01:16:40.000 They giggle when you tickle them.

01:16:41.000 And then from there, one day, that becomes a school shooter.

01:16:46.000 Oh my God.

01:16:47.000 That's what people have to take into consideration.

01:16:49.000 This boy, this 19-year-old boy who did that, was a baby at one point in time.

01:16:54.000 He's a failed process, a failed product.

01:16:58.000 Whether it's through his environment, his family, his DNA, all the above, his life experiences, all the pain, the trauma, mental illness, all these various factors.

01:17:09.000 But that used to be a baby. 1.00

01:17:11.000 Probably the cutest little fucker. 1.00

01:17:12.000 Probably hold him and cuddle him. 1.00

01:17:14.000 He'd go to sleep in your arms.

01:17:16.000 And one of the things that's changed with me And it changes a little bit every day.

01:17:23.000 I feel like every day I just get a little bit more compassionate and more understanding.

01:17:27.000 And I work towards it.

01:17:29.000 It's something I really think about.

01:17:31.000 But having children, I think of people as they used to be a child.

01:17:37.000 They used to be a baby.

01:17:38.000 I think of that with homeless people.

01:17:39.000 Yeah.

01:17:40.000 See them lying there under all those blankets and stuff.

01:17:43.000 This person was born to somebody.

01:17:46.000 Yeah.

01:17:46.000 I was thinking that the other day.

01:17:48.000 I was a coffee bean.

01:17:48.000 And I knew a homeless guy was there from the smell.

01:17:52.000 I was pouring cream into my coffee.

01:17:55.000 I wouldn't have smelled them, Joe.

01:17:56.000 You wouldn't have, right?

01:17:57.000 You were just talking about this before the podcast.

01:17:59.000 Your sense of smell's no good.

01:18:01.000 So, go ahead.

01:18:02.000 Anyway, the guy smelled so bad that he was dressed fairly normal.

01:18:07.000 Like, he wasn't disgustingly dressed.

01:18:08.000 I had to look at him to recognize, like, oh, this guy's homeless.

01:18:12.000 Right. 1.00

01:18:13.000 I looked over, and he just fucking stunk. 0.99

01:18:15.000 It was rough. 1.00

01:18:16.000 I mean, he just stunk.

01:18:18.000 And I looked over, and the guy's sitting there with his head in his hands, like this, like...

01:18:22.000 Like, he's probably just full of, you know, terrible anxiety or thoughts or depression or whatever it was.

01:18:30.000 But all I was thinking of, when I'm pouring cream in my coffee, I was like, that was someone's little boy.

01:18:34.000 Yep.

01:18:35.000 That was someone's little boy.

01:18:36.000 And now here he is.

01:18:37.000 He looks like he's in his 60s. 1.00

01:18:38.000 And he's all fucked up and smells like shit. 1.00

01:18:41.000 And he's sitting there in this coffee bean. 1.00

01:18:44.000 And he's sitting by himself with his head in his hands.

01:18:46.000 And everyone's avoiding him.

01:18:48.000 They're all just moving around him.

01:18:50.000 Yeah.

01:18:50.000 If you think of life like that and you think of people like that, it's easier to be humanized.

01:18:55.000 Yes.

01:18:56.000 We were talking about Louie, and not to knock Louie again, but this kid, I was working the brokerage in Long Island, and he comes in with his mom to see me, and he said, I don't think what Louie did was that bad.

01:19:09.000 He didn't rape her or anything.

01:19:10.000 I said, well, what about if he did it to your sister? 1.00

01:19:12.000 He goes, I'd fucking kill him. 1.00

01:19:14.000 I said, well, that should tell you something. 1.00

01:19:16.000 First of all, you shouldn't kill him for that, but...

01:19:18.000 If it bothers you enough, that's somebody else's sister.

01:19:23.000 Louis apologized, and I'm not trying to jump on him again, but you've got to know how you'd feel about it when it was personal.

01:19:30.000 Yeah.

01:19:32.000 Well, the Louis one's so weird.

01:19:34.000 Well, it's very weird, yeah.

01:19:36.000 It's the weirdest one ever. 1.00

01:19:37.000 It's not like you're with someone and you're making out and you pull your dick out and she grabs it and... 1.00

01:19:44.000 Stop it. 1.00

01:19:45.000 I'm getting hard over here.

01:19:47.000 I mean, this is not...

01:19:50.000 Not in the act of intimacy.

01:19:54.000 No, there's no touching.

01:19:55.000 There's not even verbal abuse.

01:19:57.000 The only thing you touch is yourself.

01:19:59.000 Maybe it was oral abuse, like as in sound. 0.95

01:20:03.000 Maybe you made weird noises. 0.92

01:20:08.000 You make that face, too?

01:20:11.000 Are we on camera?

01:20:12.000 We are on camera.

01:20:14.000 Ha ha ha!

01:20:17.000 I wonder how many people make a Ric Flair when they come.

01:20:20.000 What's that?

01:20:21.000 You know when Ric Flair?

01:20:22.000 Woo! 0.99

01:20:23.000 Do you remember Ric Flair?

01:20:24.000 No.

01:20:25.000 You're talking to the Rolex wearing, diamond ring wearing, jet flying, limousine riding.

01:20:31.000 He's a fighter?

01:20:32.000 No, he's a pro wrestler.

01:20:34.000 Oh, that's what I meant.

01:20:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:20:36.000 He's fucking... 1.00

01:20:37.000 He is... 1.00

01:20:39.000 He's an American iconic character, not just a pro wrestler, like an American icon.

01:20:45.000 But to this day, I'll talk about Ric Flair on stage and point the microphone in the audience, and the audience just goes, Woo!

01:20:52.000 There he is, right there.

01:20:54.000 Nature Boy, Ric Flair.

01:20:55.000 Oh, wow.

01:20:56.000 I don't remember him.

01:20:57.000 Who is the guy that Muhammad Ali modeled?

01:20:59.000 Was it Gorgeous George?

01:21:01.000 He modeled his... 1.00

01:21:02.000 His shit talking? 0.99

01:21:04.000 Yeah, he gave credit to this guy that's a professional wrestler. 1.00

01:21:07.000 Oh, no kidding.

01:21:08.000 That's interesting.

01:21:09.000 I think it was Gorgeous George.

01:21:10.000 Could be.

01:21:11.000 There was a lot of those guys back then.

01:21:12.000 Yeah.

01:21:12.000 You remember Killer Kowalski?

01:21:14.000 Yeah.

01:21:14.000 You remember him?

01:21:15.000 Yeah.

01:21:15.000 Of course.

01:21:15.000 The Claw?

01:21:16.000 Grab your head. 0.95

01:21:17.000 Remember, who was the one with the cocoa butt? 0.99

01:21:20.000 Bobo Brazil. 0.96

01:21:22.000 Bobo Brazil did the cocoa.

01:21:24.000 And there was Bruno Sammartino.

01:21:27.000 Bruno Sammartino.

01:21:28.000 Interesting.

01:21:29.000 He was a world champion.

01:21:30.000 How Muhammad Ali's fascination with pro wrestling fueled his career, inspired MMA. Interesting.

01:21:36.000 Gorgeous George.

01:21:37.000 That's crazy.

01:21:38.000 That's gorgeous George.

01:21:39.000 Yeah.

01:21:40.000 Interesting. 1.00

01:21:42.000 What's a stupid ad you have to watch for the Olympics there? 1.00

01:21:45.000 Boy, this Olympics is... 1.00

01:21:46.000 I think...

01:21:47.000 I'm going to say this. 0.73

01:21:49.000 I think the Olympics are gross. 0.97

01:21:51.000 This is why I think the Olympics are gross. 0.78

01:21:53.000 I think it's a great opportunity for all those athletes.

01:21:55.000 I think it's great for people to watch it. 1.00

01:21:57.000 But I think it is a fucking disgusting money grab and all those amateur, air quotes, athletes don't get paid shit. 1.00

01:22:04.000 I know. 1.00

01:22:04.000 And these companies are making billions and billions of dollars off of them. 1.00

01:22:07.000 And I really wish they would all quit. 1.00

01:22:09.000 I really wish they would say, fuck you, pay me. 1.00

01:22:12.000 I really wish they would just go straight Ray Liotta. 1.00

01:22:14.000 Fuck you, pay me. 1.00

01:22:16.000 They give up their youth for that. 1.00

01:22:19.000 Not only that, the fucking companies, they're so restrictive. 0.99

01:22:23.000 The IOC and all the people that are behind it are so restrictive, and they are making ungodly sums of money. 0.99

01:22:31.000 Ungodly contracts.

01:22:32.000 They're just giant contracts to air the Olympics. 0.98

01:22:35.000 Giant amounts of money to build these stadiums and set up these events and everything is about nationalism and national pride, whether it's in Korea or Russia or wherever the fuck they do them. 0.99

01:22:47.000 But meanwhile, the athletes don't get dick. 0.99

01:22:50.000 They don't get dick. 1.00

01:22:51.000 If you're lucky and you're Michael Phelps, you become famous out of it and you get a bunch of commercials and endorsements and you make a shitload of money that way. 0.90

01:22:58.000 But how many Michael Phelps's are there?

01:23:00.000 Was it three or four?

01:23:02.000 I mean, but how many in all the Olympics?

01:23:04.000 And out of all the Olympics, Jamie, you're a sports fan, out of all the Olympics, say like the Olympics this year, well, let's go to the last one. 0.98

01:23:12.000 Who the fuck came out of it? 0.96

01:23:14.000 Were there a household name? 0.99

01:23:16.000 Oh, yeah.

01:23:16.000 Right now you've got Sean White.

01:23:18.000 Okay, I heard of that guy.

01:23:19.000 The girl that won.

01:23:20.000 Kim is her last name.

01:23:21.000 Who's the one that won the bronze last night or two nights before?

01:23:26.000 The real famous.

01:23:27.000 There's Lindsey Vonn.

01:23:28.000 She's very famous.

01:23:29.000 She's very famous.

01:23:30.000 She used to date Tiger Woods.

01:23:32.000 That made her famous, too.

01:23:33.000 Plus, she's hot. 1.00

01:23:34.000 That makes her famous. 1.00

01:23:35.000 There's been others.

01:23:35.000 Like Peekaboo Street.

01:23:36.000 She had interesting names, so that helped her.

01:23:38.000 She was a gold medal winner, I believe.

01:23:40.000 How many other ones are there?

01:23:41.000 There's a few.

01:23:42.000 Just like a handful.

01:23:43.000 They can build a story around someone and they can sell a story.

01:23:46.000 But when you get to the point where it's worthwhile to sacrifice your entire life and it actually pays off, what are the odds? 0.96

01:23:55.000 It's so fucking small. 0.75

01:23:56.000 But meanwhile... 0.99

01:23:58.000 People are tuning in to all of it.

01:24:00.000 They're making massive amounts of revenue from all of it, and they're not sharing it with the athletes at all. 0.99

01:24:05.000 I think it's fucking gross. 0.99

01:24:06.000 They pretend it's amateur. 1.00

01:24:08.000 They pretend it's an amateur. 1.00

01:24:09.000 It's a goddamn motherfucking business. 1.00

01:24:12.000 That's what the Olympics are. 1.00

01:24:13.000 Well, it's only a business.

01:24:16.000 You can.

01:24:17.000 Basketball and football, really.

01:24:19.000 NCAA says, student-athletes shouldn't be paid because the 13th Amendment allows unpaid prison labor. 0.99

01:24:26.000 What the fuck? 0.99

01:24:28.000 Oh, that's Sean King. 1.00

01:24:29.000 Click off.

01:24:30.000 Find me another article.

01:24:32.000 Well, this was the main one going around, but there's a lawsuit.

01:24:35.000 That's crazy.

01:24:36.000 Did they really say that?

01:24:37.000 Did they really say that, the 13th Amendment, which allows unpaid prison labor?

01:24:41.000 No.

01:24:41.000 They cited in a lawsuit response to a motion to dismiss, and that's what they use.

01:24:45.000 That's so disgusting. 0.99

01:24:47.000 They're so disgusting. 1.00

01:24:48.000 They're the same to me. 0.99

01:24:49.000 NCAA, college football and basketball, same thing to me.

01:24:53.000 They have 100,000 people.

01:24:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:55.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:24:56.000 Pay those guys. 1.00

01:24:57.000 Pay them.

01:24:57.000 Pay those girls.

01:24:58.000 Pay all those athletes.

01:24:59.000 You're making money.

01:25:00.000 You're making money and you're not sharing it with the athletes.

01:25:03.000 They might as well be slaves. 1.00

01:25:04.000 They might as well be fucking prisoners. 1.00

01:25:06.000 The Olympics, NCAA, all that shit. 1.00

01:25:09.000 It's just, there's no way, there's no way you could do that fresh today. 0.99

01:25:15.000 If you started from scratch today and said, we're going to make billions of dollars and we're going to give you umgats.

01:25:22.000 Umgats or ghoul?

01:25:24.000 There's no way.

01:25:25.000 You could never do it.

01:25:26.000 We're going to give you an education.

01:25:26.000 Imagine if they did that with the Olympics today.

01:25:28.000 They said, look, we're gonna spend billions of dollars in the athletes. 0.62

01:25:31.000 What are they gonna pay? 1.00

01:25:31.000 Oh, we're not gonna pay them shit. 1.00

01:25:33.000 They don't get anything. 1.00

01:25:34.000 Matter of fact, if you make any money, you're fucked. 1.00

01:25:37.000 You're out. 0.99

01:25:37.000 It used to be that if you made money, you're out, but now they let basketball players play in the Olympics. 0.99

01:25:42.000 They're like the NBA players.

01:25:44.000 Because I think it was Russia was getting close and they beat us once in 72, I think.

01:25:51.000 Oh, is that what it was?

01:25:52.000 They started thinking about it then when they were catching up.

01:25:56.000 The European players were catching up. 0.99

01:25:57.000 They go, fuck this, we're going to send over our brothers. 0.98

01:26:00.000 NBC Sports is about to make $1.4 billion in 22 days, thanks to the Super Bowl and the Winter Olympics. 0.99

01:26:08.000 Okay, the Super Bowl, at least, is professional athletes.

01:26:11.000 I get that.

01:26:11.000 Oh, they get paid, yeah.

01:26:11.000 They get paid.

01:26:12.000 Whether they get paid enough is up for debate.

01:26:15.000 I get that. 1.00

01:26:17.000 The Olympics, they're not getting paid dick, and it's fucking gross, and it makes me angry. 0.99

01:26:23.000 And it's one of the reasons why I don't watch the Olympics. 0.99

01:26:25.000 I get mad at it.

01:26:26.000 You know, I wanted to be on the Olympics at one point in time.

01:26:28.000 To fight?

01:26:29.000 I wanted to be when Taekwondo was being introduced to the Olympics in 1988. I tried out for the national team.

01:26:34.000 I got it to, like, the quarterfinals in Miami.

01:26:37.000 I won three fights, and it was...

01:26:39.000 That was the last...

01:26:42.000 Like, my last...

01:26:46.000 My really last fascination with Taekwondo, I'd kind of given up on Taekwondo really before it.

01:26:51.000 I'd started kickboxing already and I'd realized the limitations of Taekwondo.

01:26:56.000 What is that?

01:26:56.000 The hands, punching to the face.

01:26:59.000 Taekwondo you don't punch to the face, you punch to the body and you kick to the face and kick to the body.

01:27:03.000 Which is a very different thing because it's so easy to punch someone in the face comparatively and so hard to kick someone in the face.

01:27:11.000 So the dexterity of the legs, like for people that know how to kick, it's just you develop much more leg dexterity and you get way better at kicking and moving your legs.

01:27:22.000 But as soon as you fight a good boxer, you realize how poor the balance is between your hands and your feet.

01:27:30.000 And I had to really develop my hand techniques.

01:27:32.000 And so I was really concentrating on boxing at that point in my life.

01:27:37.000 Like really learning how to box and learning how to punch correctly and learning how to put...

01:27:41.000 Kicks together with punches because you just there's a bunch of stuff that you can get away with if someone's not Punching you in the face that you can't get away with as soon as they start doing it And I was already kind of disillusioned because I was learning I was just learning that it was very flawed and then I started doing Muay Thai with leg kicks and I realized like what Jesus Christ like as soon as you kick the legs like this most of this shits out the window right the changes what's a bill what you can and can't get away with and What do you think is the most lethal martial arts?

01:28:10.000 The best martial art?

01:28:12.000 To learn for someone for self-defense?

01:28:14.000 Or even fighting them, for beating them in a fight.

01:28:17.000 It's hard to beat wrestling.

01:28:19.000 Because wrestling, you dictate whether or not the fight stays up or goes to the ground.

01:28:23.000 Wrestling is like, in my opinion, the best base.

01:28:26.000 But once you've passed that, then it's about submissions.

01:28:31.000 So it's wrestling and then submissions.

01:28:33.000 Because if a guy has wrestling, he can take you to the ground and punch you in the face and stuff like that.

01:28:36.000 But if the guy on the bottom is good at jiu-jitsu, he might still be able to submit you like the early UFC days.

01:28:42.000 Hoist Gracie submitted much larger people like Dan Severin off of his back.

01:28:46.000 And Dan Severin was a real world-class wrestler at the time.

01:28:49.000 And Hoist submitted him off his back with Jiu Jitsu because he didn't know Jiu Jitsu.

01:28:53.000 So I think wrestling, the ability to take someone down is probably number one, but Jiu Jitsu is a very close second.

01:29:01.000 Because the problem with jiu-jitsu is if a guy knows how to wrestle really good, and he can keep you standing up, and if he's better at punching and kicking, he could fuck you up standing up, and you'll never get the fight to the ground to use your jiu-jitsu.

01:29:10.000 Because his wrestling could also keep the fight standing.

01:29:13.000 The wrestling dictates where the fight takes place.

01:29:16.000 That, to me, is the most critical thing.

01:29:18.000 If you're a wrestler, you have the ability to take someone down, you have the ability to stand up, and you have the ability to keep someone from taking you down.

01:29:24.000 Those are giant.

01:29:26.000 To be able to choose where the fight takes place is giant.

01:29:30.000 That's cool.

01:29:31.000 But when I was doing Taekwondo, there was really no MMA. No one had ever even invented it.

01:29:35.000 Like, I stopped fighting in 88, I think.

01:29:38.000 88 or 89, I'm not exactly sure.

01:29:40.000 I was doing comedy at the time, too.

01:29:42.000 When did you say we met?

01:29:44.000 We met in 93, I think, or 92. Might have been 92. So I was probably with Kim at the time.

01:29:51.000 Yes.

01:29:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:29:55.000 Yeah, I was done fighting then.

01:29:58.000 I was done.

01:29:59.000 But I was still thinking about it.

01:30:00.000 I was still thinking about it for years.

01:30:02.000 You know, if everything went wrong, comedy fell apart for me, maybe I'd take a fight.

01:30:07.000 When did you know that comedy wasn't going to fall apart?

01:30:11.000 A couple weeks ago.

01:30:12.000 Two weeks?

01:30:13.000 It was looking good.

01:30:14.000 I was driving one of my four cars.

01:30:17.000 I was driving my one car over to the other car.

01:30:19.000 I was like, this might work out.

01:30:21.000 Sell all this and just live modestly.

01:30:23.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

01:30:26.000 I really didn't think it was going to work out until I was on TV. Then I was like, hey, this might be alright.

01:30:34.000 But that's a good thing, though.

01:30:37.000 The not knowing if it's going to work out is what keeps you hungry.

01:30:39.000 I think the worst thing in life could ever happen is you get an inheritance.

01:30:43.000 Kind of takes the incentive away, huh?

01:30:45.000 Yeah, you're not scared. 0.98

01:30:47.000 If you're not scared about the future, you're not scared about what the fuck's gonna happen. 0.94

01:30:52.000 That feeling of not knowing is awesome. 0.71

01:30:56.000 That feeling creates movement and anxiety and energy.

01:31:00.000 Some of my best sets I've ever had, the biggest jumps I've ever had in my life, in my career, have been after I'd had terrible sets.

01:31:09.000 Some of my best moments in life as a person have been after I felt terrible. 0.97

01:31:14.000 After I just fucked something up or I did something stupid. 0.94

01:31:18.000 I'm just like, how can I do that? 1.00

01:31:19.000 What the fuck is wrong with me? 0.99

01:31:21.000 Then you feel like shit for a few days and then you emerge out of it like a phoenix from the ashes. 1.00

01:31:25.000 You're a better person because of that bad feeling. 0.99

01:31:28.000 Those bad moments, don't just drown them out.

01:31:33.000 Don't take pills.

01:31:34.000 Don't just drown them out.

01:31:35.000 Sometimes those bad moments are an incentive for you to move forward and progress.

01:31:40.000 I remember when I did The Tonight Show the first time.

01:31:43.000 It was not fun because it was like the imprimatur.

01:31:45.000 Was it Johnny?

01:31:46.000 Yeah.

01:31:47.000 Carson?

01:31:47.000 Wow.

01:31:47.000 And it was like...

01:31:48.000 What was that like?

01:31:50.000 It was terrifying.

01:31:51.000 I wanted to run into the woods in Burbank and start a new life.

01:31:57.000 I swear to God. 0.99

01:31:59.000 I was so fucking... 0.99

01:32:00.000 Small patch of woods. 0.99

01:32:01.000 I was scared.

01:32:01.000 Yeah, I know.

01:32:03.000 You can see your tent from the street.

01:32:06.000 Do you know what I did, Joe, after my set?

01:32:08.000 What?

01:32:09.000 I went and did a set at the Comedy Store.

01:32:11.000 Oh, wow.

01:32:12.000 Yeah, I just wanted to see the juxtaposition of the two.

01:32:14.000 It must have felt good.

01:32:15.000 Oh, it felt great.

01:32:15.000 Just to be back on my turf, you know, because that wasn't my turf.

01:32:18.000 They said Teddy Bergeron did that.

01:32:21.000 Do you remember Teddy Bergeron's set at the Comedy Store?

01:32:23.000 Let me tell you this, folks.

01:32:24.000 I don't know if I've said this before. 0.99

01:32:25.000 I probably have because I'm a repetitive fuckhead. 0.92

01:32:27.000 But Teddy Bergeron, at one point in time, was one of the greatest comics that ever lived. 0.99

01:32:32.000 He was fucking incredible. 0.79

01:32:33.000 And he did a Tonight Show set and he got on the piano and he was like singing on the piano and talking on the piano and it was magical. 0.99

01:32:42.000 Magical. 0.97

01:32:43.000 And they said he went to the comedy store that night and got fucked out of his head and was stumbling into the streets and just out of his mind. 0.99

01:32:49.000 Just had a problem with substances. 0.98

01:32:50.000 Yeah, I know.

01:32:51.000 I remember him being so drunk that we were at a club in Long Island, and he sat on the edge of the stage and started crying. 0.87

01:32:59.000 And the audience thought that he was fucking around, so they all started laughing. 0.97

01:33:03.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:33:03.000 Yeah, can you imagine? 0.99

01:33:04.000 That's hilarious.

01:33:05.000 And by the way, his set on The Tonight Show, this is what I was told.

01:33:09.000 He did so much overtime that they had to bump somebody, and that's why he went to the couch.

01:33:13.000 Wow.

01:33:14.000 Wasn't he went to the couch because it was so great, and he never did the show again.

01:33:18.000 As far as I know. 0.99

01:33:20.000 I think he never did the show again because he fucked something up. 0.88

01:33:23.000 I think he got drunk and fucked something up.

01:33:25.000 But he did way too much time.

01:33:26.000 Is that what it is?

01:33:27.000 Yeah.

01:33:28.000 But they loved him.

01:33:29.000 Johnny was loving him.

01:33:30.000 How could he not have fun again?

01:33:31.000 Johnny was very supportive of mostly everybody.

01:33:34.000 He was the greatest.

01:33:36.000 Didn't Howard Stern hate Johnny Carson though?

01:33:38.000 Did he really?

01:33:38.000 I think he did.

01:33:39.000 I think he hated him.

01:33:41.000 I remember him talking about Johnny Carson being a terrible person. 1.00

01:33:44.000 A piece of shit. 1.00

01:33:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:46.000 I'm pretty sure. 1.00

01:33:47.000 I hope I'm not wrong with that.

01:33:49.000 The most nervous I ever got, ever, for doing anything was doing Stern.

01:33:53.000 I was terrified.

01:33:55.000 Because he was an idol of mine.

01:33:58.000 I mean, for me, he was my generation's Johnny Carson. 0.95

01:34:03.000 Because I didn't give a fuck about being on The Tonight Show. 0.98

01:34:06.000 To me, I was a dirty comic. 0.99

01:34:08.000 I cared about Kinnison.

01:34:09.000 I never thought I'd be on a show.

01:34:11.000 Yeah, I like guys like Hicks and Kinnison and Dice and Pryor.

01:34:17.000 That Tonight Show stuff was great.

01:34:20.000 I enjoyed watching Jenny on or you on or someone who could do that style and do it really well.

01:34:26.000 That style was really hard for me.

01:34:27.000 I'd rather do improv.

01:34:28.000 But you used to do it well.

01:34:29.000 You were great on those shows.

01:34:31.000 Thanks, I tried.

01:34:32.000 But it's not you at the comedy store killing.

01:34:35.000 It's a different thing.

01:34:37.000 I just was never attracted to it.

01:34:39.000 To me, the five minutes, the censorship, all the stuff, it didn't mean anything to me.

01:34:46.000 I always think the coolest thing about your career is you did what you wanted to do.

01:34:50.000 You did a sitcom.

01:34:54.000 Look at the career you have now.

01:34:56.000 It's only you in that lane.

01:35:00.000 You know what I mean?

01:35:01.000 It's bizarre.

01:35:02.000 I don't know how it happened.

01:35:03.000 You do this announcing jobs, and it's like, you could be just that, and you're already a success.

01:35:08.000 But you've got stand-up, you've got anything you want, you know?

01:35:12.000 Well, yeah, like you said, it's just things I enjoy.

01:35:14.000 I'm lucky that there's things that I enjoy that are jobs.

01:35:17.000 Yeah, that are lucrative.

01:35:19.000 It's always a good thing. 0.99

01:35:20.000 But the night before I did Stern for the first time, I was shit in my pants. 0.99

01:35:24.000 That's funny. 0.99

01:35:25.000 I would have never thought that. 1.00

01:35:27.000 Nervous as fuck. 0.99

01:35:28.000 Because to me, I can't even believe I'm really going to do a show. 0.99

01:35:32.000 If they told me I was going to do a tonight's show, I'd be like, alright, I'll do it.

01:35:36.000 I mean, I would have been a little nervous.

01:35:38.000 Would you do it now?

01:35:39.000 No.

01:35:40.000 No, I don't want to.

01:35:42.000 It's like Tosh.

01:35:43.000 All you could do is lose.

01:35:45.000 Well, I mean, you could win.

01:35:46.000 You could have a good set and have fun and everything like that.

01:35:48.000 But you're expected to have a good set.

01:35:50.000 Well, it's just...

01:35:52.000 I talk too much.

01:35:55.000 I talk too much already.

01:35:56.000 I've talked too much so far.

01:35:58.000 Let's go play pool. 0.99

01:35:59.000 Let's wrap this fucker up. 1.00

01:36:01.000 You wanna? 1.00

01:36:01.000 Dominic, let's do it! 1.00

01:36:02.000 I'll shoot a couple games.

01:36:04.000 Alright, let's wrap this up and go play pool.

01:36:05.000 Well, thanks for having me on.

01:36:06.000 Anytime, my brother.

01:36:07.000 Anytime.

01:36:08.000 Where can people see you?

01:36:09.000 You got some dates coming up?

01:36:10.000 Next week I'm at the Black Box in Boca Raton, and then the following week I'm at Vinnie Brands Club, Stress Factory.

01:36:19.000 Oh, in New Jersey.

01:36:20.000 Awesome club.

01:36:21.000 And then the Improv at Vegas in the first week of April.

01:36:25.000 And all of this on your website?

01:36:28.000 I don't know.

01:36:30.000 Who maintains your website?

01:36:31.000 Some guy who's a fan of mine.

01:36:34.000 He's a great guy.

01:36:34.000 This guy, David.

01:36:36.000 Hey, Dave, tell us.

01:36:37.000 Is it domerera.com?

01:36:39.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:36:39.000 Do you have a calendar up there?

01:36:40.000 How the fuck do people find out where your gigs are? 0.89

01:36:42.000 I try to keep a secret. 0.97

01:36:44.000 I don't want to be bothered by crowds.

01:36:47.000 Dominic Artariero, ladies and gentlemen.

01:36:49.000 Thank you, Joe.

01:36:49.000 We're going to go play some pool.

01:36:50.000 Love you, brother.

01:36:51.000 Love you, too.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 22, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1083 - Dom Irrera

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript