The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1097 - Legion of Skanks

00:00:05.000 We get a bunch of fuckin' skanks in the house! 1.00

00:00:10.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Legion of Skanks. 0.99

00:00:12.000 Yeah!

00:00:13.000 Cheers!

00:00:14.000 Very excited to get all you guys together.

00:00:16.000 This was a good move.

00:00:17.000 Good idea.

00:00:18.000 All credit to praise to Big J. All praise be due.

00:00:22.000 But I'm glad.

00:00:23.000 This is fun.

00:00:24.000 Long time coming. 0.99

00:00:26.000 Fuck yeah, thanks for having us. 1.00

00:00:27.000 My pleasure. 1.00

00:00:28.000 Yeah, very excited to be here, Mr. Rogan.

00:00:30.000 Legion of Skanks in the house. 1.00

00:00:31.000 Yes.

00:00:31.000 I'm gonna tell you right now, and we really mean this, This has been a very, very long time coming.

00:00:37.000 All the fans have been kind of looking for this moment.

00:00:41.000 So this is a very, very big deal for me personally.

00:00:43.000 So I want to say thanks for having us on.

00:00:45.000 Lewis is one sentence away from crying.

00:00:47.000 Did you write that last night?

00:00:48.000 We were all so baked.

00:00:50.000 We probably shouldn't be talking in public.

00:00:51.000 But cheers.

00:00:52.000 Cheers, gentlemen.

00:00:53.000 I feel like you wrote that last night, Lewis.

00:00:55.000 Mr. Rogan, how I spent my summer was good, and we went to the park, and we got to ride all the rides.

00:01:01.000 It's true.

00:01:01.000 What do you want me to say?

00:01:03.000 It's hard to be sincere these days.

00:01:05.000 Yeah, pretend that it's not a big deal.

00:01:06.000 It's a huge deal.

00:01:07.000 Lewis is rarely impressed.

00:01:08.000 Very unimpressed guy.

00:01:09.000 He's very impressed today.

00:01:11.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:01:11.000 This is a fucking Disneyland for dudes that we're in right now. 0.99

00:01:15.000 We're in an airport hangar and there's just bow and arrows and dead animals and pool tables and... 0.99

00:01:23.000 Battle bots.

00:01:25.000 I feel most men live lives that are very, very suppressed.

00:01:30.000 Sure.

00:01:30.000 I think most men, if they were left to their own devices and someone said, yeah, you do whatever you want in the building.

00:01:35.000 Wait a minute.

00:01:36.000 I can just decide what to put in the building?

00:01:39.000 Just whatever. 1.00

00:01:39.000 Just put whatever in the building, you'd do the exact same shit. 1.00

00:01:42.000 Is there enough room for an archery setup? 0.99

00:01:45.000 That's one of the things that I wanted.

00:01:47.000 I wanted to make sure there was room for an indoor range.

00:01:50.000 That was when you went into buying a place.

00:01:52.000 That was a big requirement.

00:01:52.000 That was an interesting conversation with a real estate agent.

00:01:55.000 Yeah, they were like, what?

00:01:56.000 I'm like, I need at least 40 yards.

00:01:59.000 40 yards indoors.

00:02:00.000 Do you have to get extra insurance for that?

00:02:01.000 I said, can I virtual hunt Dana, is it?

00:02:09.000 We have not had this request.

00:02:11.000 That virtual hunt game is a very popular game, the techno hunt thing.

00:02:15.000 That thing is so addictive.

00:02:18.000 It's so addictive, though.

00:02:20.000 It can give you bad habits, too.

00:02:21.000 You get a little punchy with your trigger.

00:02:23.000 I do like that they have some of the real life things of the deer where the elk, they're looking at you.

00:02:31.000 They really do give you a sad face.

00:02:33.000 Like, can you do it?

00:02:34.000 Can you do it?

00:02:36.000 Yeah, you can probably get it with other things, too, right?

00:02:40.000 Like, couldn't you get it with superheroes? 0.99

00:02:42.000 Couldn't you get it like you were that Archer dude from the Avengers and fucking those monsters are coming after you? 1.00

00:02:47.000 Children. 1.00

00:02:48.000 That's what I would do.

00:02:49.000 Just young children.

00:02:53.000 Because I don't want to do it in real life.

00:02:55.000 My family's looking for me.

00:02:56.000 Can we upload everyone who bullied Lewis in the third grade to do that game?

00:03:00.000 Kids.

00:03:01.000 That's the same thing. 1.00

00:03:02.000 That's like when they give the pedophiles little underage fuck dolls to try to keep them from doing it for real. 1.00

00:03:09.000 So you just murder kids with a bow and arrow. 1.00

00:03:11.000 Do they really do that?

00:03:12.000 Yeah, they're out of them now.

00:03:12.000 They don't give it to them, no.

00:03:13.000 Well, they're available in Asia, I think. 1.00

00:03:15.000 You can buy child fuck robots. 1.00

00:03:17.000 I've heard. 1.00

00:03:19.000 I've heard. 1.00

00:03:20.000 You can watch our fuck robots. 1.00

00:03:22.000 And not in this country, I found out. 1.00

00:03:23.000 It's a weird moral thing though, right? 1.00

00:03:25.000 Like, would you rather have them fuck a little robot in their closet somewhere? 1.00

00:03:30.000 Because your first instinct is always like, oh, that's horrible. 1.00

00:03:32.000 But then you're like, that's kind of like giving someone with anger issues a punching bag.

00:03:35.000 Maybe it's not the worst thing.

00:03:37.000 It's like, they've got that thing, whatever it is.

00:03:39.000 Like, how do you get it out?

00:03:41.000 Yeah, on that little sweet, sweet, beautiful punching bag. 1.00

00:03:46.000 It's so fucked up, man. 1.00

00:03:48.000 As long as it is featureless. 1.00

00:03:50.000 Yeah, child fuck robots don't punch back. 1.00

00:03:52.000 You want to, like, meet in the middle, you're like, okay, it's legal, but you can't name it. 1.00

00:03:56.000 It's going too far. 1.00

00:03:58.000 Well, do you think that you could fuck a real doll? 1.00

00:04:00.000 I mean, you definitely could if you had to, but would that be something you'd be interested in? 1.00

00:04:03.000 I think I couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous this situation was. 0.99

00:04:07.000 I'd rather just jerk off and think about things. 0.93

00:04:09.000 We had, as a sponsor, a flashlight.

00:04:12.000 I've had a flashlight forever.

00:04:14.000 A flashlight is very utilitarian.

00:04:16.000 You're not confusing yourself.

00:04:17.000 Nobody's ever said that word before.

00:04:19.000 You know, like, oh baby, she's the girl of my dreams.

00:04:21.000 I've never even used it.

00:04:23.000 I've had it forever.

00:04:24.000 I've never even thought about it.

00:04:26.000 I couldn't guess why I would want to use it.

00:04:27.000 Seems weird.

00:04:28.000 It's weird.

00:04:29.000 It feels good, though.

00:04:29.000 Does it?

00:04:30.000 It feels way better than jerking off. 0.99

00:04:31.000 Does it really? 1.00

00:04:32.000 It engulfs your whole dick. 1.00

00:04:33.000 Yeah, and you put it in warm water, and you get it to a temperature of a body. 1.00

00:04:45.000 Somehow or another there's like a portal like this tube is a portal to another woman another dimension, but all you can get out is her vagina Just hold that's it feels real the name of this dimension is called awesome Do you jerk off with a fleshlight or do you hold it and fuck it? 1.00

00:05:00.000 No, you jerk off Jay you jerked me off with a fleshlight. 1.00

00:05:03.000 Yeah, but that was for sure That was on camera. 1.00

00:05:06.000 Behind the curtain.

00:05:07.000 I thought we screened this interview.

00:05:09.000 We did this on the podcast. 0.99

00:05:10.000 I swear to God, he jerked me off with the flesh. 0.98

00:05:12.000 We gave this to your producer. 0.99

00:05:13.000 No, I couldn't get hard.

00:05:15.000 There's a female comic. 0.96

00:05:17.000 Whoa.

00:05:17.000 What's that about?

00:05:18.000 Is that a fucked butt? 1.00

00:05:19.000 That's a real dog. 1.00

00:05:20.000 That's a real dog.

00:05:20.000 They're getting pretty good.

00:05:22.000 Man.

00:05:23.000 It was a redhead, though. 1.00

00:05:24.000 It was a documentary on Netflix about people fucking... 1.00

00:05:26.000 Sex robots really have come far because there are people who fall in love with these sex robots and it looks like the fucking taxi driver, Johnny on the Spot from Total Recall. 1.00

00:05:36.000 It's like this crazy, like, animatronic Chuck E. Cheese bass player. 0.99

00:05:40.000 Well, it's gonna get to a point where it can totally mimic you.

00:05:43.000 I mean, it's gonna get to a point where it really is like Blade Runner.

00:05:45.000 Is that what they are now?

00:05:46.000 Yeah.

00:05:46.000 That's the dude one.

00:05:47.000 Oh, look at the dude one.

00:05:48.000 I thought about buying a dude one to do jiu-jitsu with.

00:05:50.000 I was gonna order one with... 1.00

00:05:52.000 Very clearly, no dick and a sealed butthole. 1.00

00:05:57.000 I was like, the proportions are perfect, because I have a doll. 1.00

00:06:01.000 It's this bubba dummy that you practice submissions on, but it's super stiff.

00:06:06.000 It's like this.

00:06:06.000 But you basically can drill the moves, but it's not the same as drilling it on an anatomically correct body.

00:06:13.000 If you had an anatomically correct body to practice jiu-jitsu on, you'd get some fucking tight moves. 0.97

00:06:18.000 I can't wait. 0.97

00:06:20.000 Can't wait till the day when you're announcing for robot fights in the UFC? No, I have zero interest.

00:06:26.000 There's nothing at stake if they live or die.

00:06:28.000 It doesn't matter.

00:06:29.000 The whole thing about fighting is that there's some horrible, gigantic thing at stake. 1.00

00:06:34.000 You can fuck one, though. 1.00

00:06:36.000 Yeah, you can fuck one. 1.00

00:06:37.000 I'm not gonna watch them fight. 1.00

00:06:38.000 Would you watch two robots fuck? 0.99

00:06:40.000 I would if there was some sort of a program that they were running. 0.99

00:06:44.000 I'd want to see what the program was.

00:06:46.000 Yeah, it wouldn't be a Jack material.

00:06:48.000 It would completely be fascination.

00:06:50.000 Yeah, they would probably talk to each other in numbers and they would both be dudes. 0.99

00:06:54.000 There was one that they just made a fuck doll, right? 0.99

00:06:57.000 And this just happened. 0.98

00:06:58.000 There's videos of it.

00:06:59.000 The robots started speaking like a weird code to each other. 1.00

00:07:02.000 These were like fucking like straight up fuck dolls. 1.00

00:07:05.000 Skynet, dude. 1.00

00:07:06.000 And they would turn them on and then they started speaking and it would seem like a code and people were like freaking out about this.

00:07:11.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about.

00:07:12.000 Yeah, they had these computers.

00:07:14.000 They were linked together and they started communicating to each other in a language that the coders didn't understand.

00:07:20.000 And they shut it off.

00:07:22.000 They're like, what?

00:07:23.000 Just simply to unplug it.

00:07:24.000 But I heard that my version of it that I just said might be the most spectacular version sounding, but it might not be accurate.

00:07:33.000 And that what they might have gotten is like, they might have got stuck in like a feedback loop and just been making gibberish.

00:07:39.000 Right.

00:07:40.000 I heard that too. 1.00

00:07:42.000 I'm way too fucking stupid to know who's right. 1.00

00:07:44.000 Let's just hope it's that second one and not the first one. 1.00

00:07:49.000 The first one sounds like an opening scene in a Terminator movie.

00:07:52.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

00:07:53.000 But at the same time, the solution being like, don't plug that in again, man.

00:07:58.000 Yo, man.

00:07:59.000 I know you're going to want to.

00:08:00.000 I know it's just hanging right there. 0.99

00:08:01.000 What the fuck are we going to do? 0.99

00:08:03.000 I had a podcast with Sam Harris about it. 0.99

00:08:05.000 And he is terrified of AI. And he's far smarter than me.

00:08:10.000 Whenever I talk to him about shit, I go, oh, okay. 1.00

00:08:13.000 And he's terrified. 1.00

00:08:14.000 He's terrified.

00:08:14.000 That's what freaks me out, is when people way smarter than me are terrified about it.

00:08:18.000 Like, what's his name?

00:08:19.000 Elon Musk.

00:08:20.000 Elon Musk is terrified.

00:08:21.000 Stephen Hawkins is terrified.

00:08:22.000 All these guys are like, no, no, no, this is going bad. 1.00

00:08:25.000 And then you're like, shit. 1.00

00:08:26.000 Sometimes they're too close to it. 0.99

00:08:28.000 I feel like some people also get too bogged down in the details.

00:08:31.000 When you live your life very ignorantly like I do, I have no fear of AI technology, guys.

00:08:36.000 I'll be honest with you.

00:08:37.000 Did a self-driving Tesla already kill somebody?

00:08:40.000 Yes.

00:08:41.000 Or a self-driving taxi or whatever?

00:08:42.000 Well, she did something very reckless.

00:08:44.000 She walked right into traffic.

00:08:47.000 And she might have been a homeless lady. 1.00

00:08:48.000 She might have been on drugs. 1.00

00:08:50.000 They're not exactly sure.

00:08:51.000 I don't think the results of the autopsy are out yet.

00:08:53.000 But you watch the video.

00:08:54.000 She basically just... 0.99

00:08:55.000 Just walks right in front of the car.

00:08:57.000 The car's going down the road.

00:08:58.000 So a person driving wouldn't have made much difference.

00:09:01.000 Maybe.

00:09:01.000 I don't know, man.

00:09:03.000 It's hard to tell whether or not you'd be able to react.

00:09:06.000 Well, I guess the technology of stopping quick enough to not hit somebody.

00:09:11.000 They want to make it safer, right?

00:09:13.000 That's the idea.

00:09:14.000 But I think it is, right?

00:09:15.000 I think there's more human error when you're dealing with people drinking, smoking weed, paying attention to their cell phones.

00:09:21.000 I almost would rather just trust, even if there's a few deaths per year, there's way more deaths per year with... 1.00

00:09:27.000 You know, people being idiots. 1.00

00:09:28.000 Lewis just laid out the logic for why the robots are going to take over. 1.00

00:09:30.000 Was the lady black?

00:09:30.000 I trust him.

00:09:31.000 I trust him.

00:09:32.000 It's a black lady, right? 1.00

00:09:34.000 I don't know. 0.70

00:09:35.000 It would be fine.

00:09:35.000 There's another video of it just stopping perfectly for a white woman who ran in traffic.

00:09:39.000 Racist Tesla piece of shit. 1.00

00:09:40.000 Can you imagine if it needs to reflect off your skin to get an accurate reading? 1.00

00:09:45.000 Anything darker than Mediterranean, it just fucking runs over. 1.00

00:09:49.000 The Tesla stops at Olive. 0.99

00:09:52.000 It stops in Persian.

00:09:54.000 It turns out just through science it has like the same racism of like the 1890s where they're like, we'll give the Italians a pass.

00:10:00.000 Yeah.

00:10:00.000 The rest of you guys.

00:10:01.000 There's two different types of Mexicans. 0.99

00:10:03.000 There's Oscar De La Hoya Mexicans and then there's those other Mexicans that look like Indian.

00:10:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:09.000 Where the mustache starts on the edge of the lips.

00:10:11.000 Where would it go with them?

00:10:13.000 You know, that's what Mexico is, essentially, right?

00:10:17.000 It was a combination of the Native Americans and Spanish invaders.

00:10:21.000 Yeah, and then the Spanish ones are like, you know, they're the ones who look down at the locals. 1.00

00:10:27.000 But at this point, they're all kind of mixed, I think, but they're still just the different shades.

00:10:31.000 Well, you get Canelo Alvarez.

00:10:33.000 Yeah.

00:10:33.000 Right?

00:10:34.000 Fucking red-headed Mexican dude. 1.00

00:10:37.000 Very bizarre looking. 1.00

00:10:37.000 Louis CK is another one. 1.00

00:10:39.000 He's a red-headed Mexican dude.

00:10:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:40.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:10:41.000 I never even think about that Louis Mexican. 0.96

00:10:43.000 He should have started playing that card a lot harder after the New York Times.

00:10:47.000 His apology letter should have been like, well, as a Mexican. 0.99

00:10:51.000 I don't know.

00:10:53.000 I don't want any trouble.

00:10:56.000 I believe he was born in Mexico.

00:10:58.000 I'm not sure about that though.

00:10:59.000 He was either born in Mexico or he definitely lived in Mexico.

00:11:02.000 Really?

00:11:03.000 I would never have guessed that.

00:11:05.000 My family lives in Mexico.

00:11:07.000 They retired to Mexico.

00:11:08.000 My parents did.

00:11:09.000 Really?

00:11:09.000 Why?

00:11:10.000 Just fucking chill out. 0.99

00:11:11.000 Jesse the Body Ventura talks about Mexico with a lot of reverence. 0.99

00:11:14.000 Dude, people who live there, I've got a buddy of mine who's got a place in Cabo, and he loves it.

00:11:18.000 He loves it.

00:11:19.000 It's okay.

00:11:20.000 Cabo's a particularly douchey city.

00:11:22.000 I went there to do a comedy festival, and it's straight up the worst people from... 1.00

00:11:27.000 Think about the worst 40-year-old couple from your hometown that... 1.00

00:11:32.000 Just like fake tan assholes. 1.00

00:11:34.000 A whole city. 1.00

00:11:35.000 It's like Florida.

00:11:36.000 But then they all go and meet up in one town. 1.00

00:11:38.000 So it's just like thousands of fucking awful people in hot ass Mexico. 1.00

00:11:43.000 I don't get it. 1.00

00:11:44.000 I don't get any...

00:11:44.000 I don't understand if you smoke weed why you would go to the Caribbean and not just go to Jamaica every single time.

00:11:49.000 Is Jamaica the spot? 0.72

00:11:50.000 Dog.

00:11:51.000 I love it.

00:11:52.000 He loves it.

00:11:53.000 I love it.

00:11:53.000 Is that cool?

00:11:54.000 He's pushing it hard on me.

00:11:55.000 If Lewis prefaced with dog, he's being serious.

00:11:58.000 I've never been.

00:11:58.000 Actually, I was, but it was just like a stop on a cruise.

00:12:01.000 Have you guys ever thought about doing a skanks cruise? 1.00

00:12:04.000 Yeah.

00:12:05.000 Yeah.

00:12:05.000 Yeah, we have.

00:12:06.000 We should definitely do that.

00:12:24.000 Right, right.

00:12:28.000 Skank Fest is all one location.

00:12:29.000 It's a party, you know, two and a half days nonstop.

00:12:32.000 You're in one location, so everybody's hanging out, everybody's drinking.

00:12:34.000 So what are you guys doing?

00:12:35.000 We're doing it this year at a place called Brooklyn Bazaar in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

00:12:39.000 It's like a huge, it's an old Polish catering hall that has like four different rooms.

00:12:43.000 We're going to have three different stages going on simultaneously.

00:12:46.000 It's going to be cool.

00:12:46.000 Yeah, really good.

00:12:48.000 And how did Ari Shaffir get the publicity scoop? 0.78

00:12:52.000 I believe he organized the festival, right Luke? 1.00

00:12:55.000 He's a piece of shit. 1.00

00:12:56.000 He got the scoop on you. 1.00

00:12:58.000 What happened? 1.00

00:12:59.000 That motherfucker? 1.00

00:13:02.000 I fucking love Ari to death, but he... 1.00

00:13:04.000 How many people have said that? 0.99

00:13:06.000 How many people have said that in Ari's life? 1.00

00:13:08.000 I love Ari to death, but he's a motherfucker. 1.00

00:13:12.000 Last time we did Burt Kreischer's podcast, Burt's wife hated Ari. 1.00

00:13:16.000 Am I still? 1.00

00:13:16.000 We were talking about Ari before the podcast, that all of our friends that got fuck you money, Ari said fuck you the hardest. 1.00

00:13:23.000 Like, he does what he wants to do. 1.00

00:13:25.000 It's amazing. 0.97

00:13:26.000 You know, it's Fucking beautiful, man. 0.90

00:13:28.000 Every day that I'm running around, he's like, you want to get Indonesian food at a place somewhere? 0.95

00:13:32.000 Yeah.

00:13:33.000 Are we going to do an escape room in the middle of the day?

00:13:35.000 Yeah.

00:13:36.000 He's like playful.

00:13:37.000 I think it's like, as kids, we're all trying to grow up and, you know, make money and do what we do.

00:13:42.000 But I think the idea is we're all supposed to be playing.

00:13:45.000 I'm joking when I say this like a dude Disneyland, but you come in here and you create an environment to play every day.

00:13:49.000 And that's success to me, right?

00:13:52.000 You get to do what you want to do every single day, play with the toys you want to play with, hang out with the people you want to play with.

00:13:57.000 And I think everyone thinks, like, when you don't have money, you think when you get money, yeah, that's what I'll be like.

00:14:02.000 But then I've watched so many people who do get money, and then they're like, yeah, but gotta have retirement money, gotta make sure I have this, gotta make sure I do that.

00:14:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:10.000 Sure.

00:14:10.000 Or just lives the way you thought you would have before you had it.

00:14:13.000 Yeah, he's not flashy either. 1.00

00:14:16.000 He won't even buy a new car that fuck. 0.99

00:14:18.000 He doesn't own an apartment. 1.00

00:14:19.000 He rents.

00:14:20.000 He's got a flip phone.

00:14:22.000 He's like a minimalist almost.

00:14:23.000 Yeah, but that's because of his addiction.

00:14:25.000 He's definitely a minimalist, for sure.

00:14:27.000 But the flip phone's a decision, because he sees.

00:14:32.000 He's a very smart guy.

00:14:33.000 He's looking around at all these other people with their cell phones, looking at himself, and he's like, oh, that thing's just stealing your time, and you're addicted to it.

00:14:41.000 Everyone's addicted to their phone.

00:14:42.000 Yeah, I definitely am.

00:14:42.000 I'm definitely addicted to my phone.

00:14:44.000 But the bad thing is then Ari will just text me a Google-able question. 1.00

00:14:48.000 Like, he'll just be like, what's the weather in Philly or something?

00:14:51.000 And you're like, Ari, this is...

00:14:52.000 He said he mixes it up between his friends so it doesn't get too annoying to any one person.

00:14:56.000 Smart.

00:14:57.000 Yeah.

00:14:58.000 What's funny is if he has to listen to music, he has to carry around, like, an extra-large iPad to hold his, like, headphones.

00:15:04.000 So that's hilarious.

00:15:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:06.000 That's hilarious.

00:15:06.000 He's got an iPad in the back of his pants.

00:15:09.000 Like a fucking gun. 1.00

00:15:11.000 He, like, inspired... 1.00

00:15:12.000 He's...

00:15:13.000 I would have my cell phone out at a comedy club looking at it, and Ari would literally come and take his hand and put it over the phone and be like, dude, what are you doing? 0.97

00:15:19.000 Stop.

00:15:20.000 Hang out.

00:15:20.000 Talk to us.

00:15:21.000 It kind of inspired me.

00:15:22.000 It made me self-conscious around other people doing it, and now every time I see people doing it, I sort of judge them now, and it really is true.

00:15:31.000 I mean, people live in their cell phone every single day, and you lose the connection. 1.00

00:15:34.000 It sends a message like, fuck you, dude. 1.00

00:15:36.000 This person over here is more important than the person that's sitting right in front of me. 1.00

00:15:39.000 Well, it's just the phone.

00:15:41.000 That light is addictive.

00:15:43.000 It's just addictive.

00:15:44.000 Looking at the images, it's like...

00:15:45.000 You know what happens when a little kid sees a TV? You ever see that?

00:15:48.000 A little kid walks in a room with a TV and a commercial's going on.

00:15:51.000 The kid's like this, just staring at it. 0.93

00:15:52.000 Because it fucks with the way you take in visual information.

00:15:57.000 There's nothing like that in the wild. 0.75

00:15:59.000 There's nothing like a big screen TV in the wild, right?

00:16:01.000 Like that image of... 0.99

00:16:03.000 Super Bowl, on a big screen TV in HD, and you're like, holy shit! 0.98

00:16:07.000 You look at all the green, look at all the guys running around, smashing into each other. 0.99

00:16:10.000 It's intense.

00:16:10.000 You don't get that in a real life thing unless you're about to get eaten.

00:16:15.000 Yeah, we've evolved to take that seriously.

00:16:18.000 We've evolved to see that and treat it like it's happening.

00:16:20.000 What is that?

00:16:20.000 This is a big cat running at you or something, right?

00:16:24.000 I mean, that's what it is.

00:16:25.000 But it's on your phone. 0.99

00:16:26.000 And you're watching YouTube videos like, look at all that shit moving around on my phone. 0.98

00:16:30.000 Also, like the kill time of it too, where, as my chick pointed out the other day, if we ever sit down at a restaurant, like don't take food to go and sit down, how quickly I pull out, like, alright, we're playing Family Feud! 0.96

00:16:43.000 So it's not even just pulling back into my phone, but it's still part of the, let's do something!

00:16:50.000 Does anybody have a topic?

00:16:52.000 No?

00:16:52.000 Alright, let's just play Family Feud!

00:16:54.000 You give yourself ADD in a weird way.

00:16:57.000 You make it even worse.

00:16:58.000 I live in New York City.

00:16:59.000 We all do.

00:17:00.000 And they're sort of doing little signs in the subway that let you know how long it is before the subway is going to come.

00:17:06.000 And that's pretty new.

00:17:08.000 When I first moved there in 2001, you would just go and be like, dude, I might be here for 30 minutes.

00:17:11.000 I might be here for two minutes.

00:17:13.000 Who knows when the next subway is going to come.

00:17:15.000 But now if a subway sign is broken, I can't wait on that platform.

00:17:19.000 I've got to get up and leave and get a taxi or whatever because I'll lose my mind just wondering when that cab is going to come.

00:17:24.000 Whereas before you would just chill out and wait.

00:17:26.000 Yeah, because you had to.

00:17:27.000 You didn't have the option to.

00:17:28.000 So now I feel like you have that option to be on your phone at all times, distract yourself. 0.97

00:17:31.000 I used to take a shit and, you know, I used to have a bathroom reader. 0.98

00:17:34.000 It was my favorite thing in the world. 0.99

00:17:35.000 It was little facts, like thousands of them in this fat book that you just, it was covered in shit stands everywhere. 0.92

00:17:40.000 But it was a fucking book you had in the bathroom and it was called Uncle John's Bathroom Reader and it was just basically Snapple facts about everything in the world and they had like 20 editions and it was the coolest thing in the world but now you have your cell phone so you don't need it. 0.98

00:17:54.000 Right, but how do you, there's like certain shit you want to know that's going on in the world. 0.98

00:17:59.000 So how do you check in on that? 0.98

00:18:00.000 Do you just do it from a computer?

00:18:02.000 Or like, when you want to read the news, like, I don't know, how do you get your news?

00:18:06.000 Oh, I'm on the laptop and on the phone all the time.

00:18:09.000 Yeah, and then I just tell these guys what they need to know.

00:18:11.000 You just get it straight from Dave.

00:18:13.000 Trump bad.

00:18:14.000 Yeah, but I'm on.

00:18:16.000 Rand Paul, decent guy.

00:18:18.000 Everyone bad really come down to it.

00:18:22.000 Taxes are theft.

00:18:24.000 Do you know that there's very few legit comics who are as knowledgeable?

00:18:29.000 Dave's a very valuable resource.

00:18:32.000 Very much so.

00:18:34.000 He's brilliant.

00:18:35.000 He's literally the only person that I know that actually reads the books, puts in the time.

00:18:40.000 And it's kind of funny.

00:18:41.000 We say, where would people get their news?

00:18:42.000 They don't really get their news. 0.99

00:18:43.000 They read the headline, and then they act like they're getting their fucking news. 0.99

00:18:46.000 They're not putting in the time. 0.99

00:18:47.000 They're not reading the books.

00:18:48.000 They're not actually going and reading a real newspaper or reading legitimate.

00:18:53.000 What pisses me off about politics, I feel like it's the only thing where like if you don't like so if you don't know if Lewis doesn't watch basketball at all and Jay watches every single Sixers game and then there's like a thing coming up where you like something about a basketball game Lewis won't just like start arguing with you like nah nah nah they need to play this defense they need to go into a zone because you're like yeah I just I don't really know about that but for some reason with politics No matter how much anybody's not read anything,

00:19:18.000 they don't know anything, they have no problem just having a hardcore, strong opinion.

00:19:23.000 It's because also you know about it, right?

00:19:26.000 So when someone's like super argumentative about it, like, oh, you're not even well informed.

00:19:31.000 Yeah.

00:19:31.000 Which is most of the case with people that are really super aggressive about it.

00:19:34.000 It seems like... 0.94

00:19:35.000 I mean, dude, they had this thing where they were interviewing people at the fucking March for Life, I think they called it. 0.97

00:19:41.000 The gun control march. 0.97

00:19:42.000 How was that just now?

00:19:44.000 Well, no, they were like all over.

00:19:45.000 It was in a bunch of different cities.

00:19:46.000 We saw it, but it happened in a bunch of different...

00:19:49.000 I think the big ones were in D.C. I think there was one out here.

00:19:52.000 But there was this guy just interviewing people and he'd go around and ask them if they are for an assault weapons ban.

00:19:59.000 And they'd be like, yes.

00:20:00.000 And then he'd go, what's an assault weapon?

00:20:02.000 And it's amazing how many people just didn't know.

00:20:05.000 Whatever your take on an assault weapon ban is, it's like, how could you be for banning something that you can't even define?

00:20:12.000 It just seems bananas.

00:20:13.000 Hold on a second.

00:20:15.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:20:16.000 They know that this is what it does. 0.89

00:20:19.000 They know it's a rifle that shoots people.

00:20:22.000 It's like a semi-automatic.

00:20:23.000 It's not a hunting gun. 0.99

00:20:24.000 It's a rifle that's designed to shoot people.

00:20:26.000 Like in a military situation, that's what it looks like. 0.58

00:20:29.000 So they're wrong.

00:20:30.000 I mean, they don't know what an AR-15 versus an AR-whatever versus what's legal, what's semi-automatic.

00:20:35.000 They don't know all the details, but they do know that these are guns that you kill people with.

00:20:40.000 Okay, sure. 0.72

00:20:40.000 Fair enough. 0.72

00:20:41.000 But I feel like there's a thing where they'll be like, well, I'm for a ban on semi-automatic weapons.

00:20:45.000 They'll be like, so you want to ban handguns too?

00:20:46.000 And they're like, no, we don't want to ban handguns.

00:20:47.000 And you're like, but lots of handguns are semi-automatic weapons.

00:20:50.000 It's just like, if you're going to protest, read a book on it.

00:20:54.000 It's not just having a passive opinion.

00:20:56.000 You're like out marching.

00:20:57.000 I think they want to move the ball down the field, though, and the more people that come out.

00:21:01.000 They have kids that are in the fifth grade walking out of their classrooms. 0.99

00:21:04.000 They don't fucking know what they're talking about or what they're doing there. 1.00

00:21:07.000 Hey, man, sometimes there's a girl with armpit hair you want to fuck. 1.00

00:21:10.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:21:11.000 How many of these people...

00:21:13.000 Opinions you don't mean.

00:21:15.000 That's true.

00:21:16.000 Or dirty.

00:21:16.000 Hairy feet.

00:21:17.000 Those girls with the hairy toes. 1.00

00:21:19.000 But how many of these kids...

00:21:21.000 This is a big one.

00:21:22.000 How many of these kids are against putting kids on psychotropic drugs?

00:21:27.000 Putting kids on unnecessary psychiatric medications?

00:21:30.000 Parents dope their kids up all the time because they don't want to deal with some hyperactive kid. 1.00

00:21:35.000 Some kid who's got some fucking power. 1.00

00:21:37.000 Some energy. 1.00

00:21:38.000 He wants to bounce off the walls.

00:21:40.000 I was in...

00:21:41.000 We were in Brea the other day.

00:21:42.000 Right before the show we did...

00:21:44.000 And there was a kid, I mean, the kid must have had autism or something, or some extreme case of it, but he was like, you know, he was having some sort of violent episode, I'm assuming, but it was just a dad, like, calm as day, just sitting on a corner with his kid, with the kid face down, as the kid's, like, screaming and shaking and kicking his arms and legs,

00:22:00.000 and then I was just holding the kid down, and it was so hard to, like, I almost wanted to say something, like, I didn't know, I... They don't ever really tell you what's going on in that situation.

00:22:11.000 I kind of watched it for a minute because it looked like he was abusing the kid for a second, but then you kind of realize after, oh, this kid was going to hurt himself or whatever it was, but that's a really, really hard thing.

00:22:22.000 Yeah, I can accept more in the real extreme cases where kids have severe, severe problems, but it seems like they're just happy to anyone's hyperactive, just this kind of loose thing.

00:22:32.000 It's not a matter of all.

00:22:33.000 It's not a one or a zero, right?

00:22:35.000 It's like there's varying stages of issues that kids are going to have.

00:22:39.000 And some kids are going to need some kind of medication.

00:22:41.000 But they're definitely over-prescribing.

00:22:43.000 Definitely.

00:22:44.000 I knew my neighbor had a kid.

00:22:46.000 There's nothing wrong with him. 1.00

00:22:47.000 It's just a fucking kid. 1.00

00:22:48.000 And they put him on Ritalin. 1.00

00:22:51.000 You take Adderall as an adult.

00:22:53.000 Adderall is a drug, man.

00:22:56.000 It's not a drug.

00:22:57.000 I give it to my five-year-old.

00:22:58.000 We snort it together.

00:23:00.000 It's just, if people don't get enough attention or they don't have an outlet and they don't know what to do with themselves, they get wacky.

00:23:07.000 It doesn't mean you need to give them drugs.

00:23:10.000 Some of these people have legitimate issues and they probably do need medication.

00:23:14.000 And some of these people just need to find something that's interesting in life.

00:23:18.000 Yeah, well I think on what you were saying before about why don't these kids look into that stuff, I think a lot of times it's just like, people want the simple thing, and this is a really difficult question to get into this stuff, whereas if you're just like, oh, I'm against guns, that's easy.

00:23:30.000 I think it's the same thing as when people are just offended.

00:23:33.000 It's like you don't really have to read a lot, you don't have to know a lot.

00:23:36.000 It's just easy to be right, and you've got the answer.

00:23:39.000 It's laziness.

00:23:40.000 People can just pick a side very easily and go, cool, everyone's already defined what's on that side, so yeah, I'm on that side.

00:23:45.000 Look, I did my work, right?

00:23:46.000 Right.

00:23:46.000 And it's the same thing with being a parent.

00:23:47.000 A lot of parents are really lazy, and you watch it happen when they give their kid an iPad or, you know, put them in front of the computer. 0.99

00:23:54.000 That whole thing just happened with Elsagate, which was, you know, borderline hilarious, that parents were getting trolled into their kids watching really fucked up cartoons and shit. 0.99

00:24:03.000 Yeah, Elsagate, I forgot the name of it. 0.98

00:24:05.000 That's the name of it.

00:24:06.000 Yeah, that was crazy.

00:24:06.000 We've talked about that a bunch of times, about the babies with the broken bottles over their head.

00:24:11.000 They kept having the same scene.

00:24:13.000 It would play out.

00:24:14.000 Kids would get drunk, whether they were kid mice or kid ducks.

00:24:18.000 They would get drunk.

00:24:20.000 A bottle would go flying through the air and hit the baby in the head and blood would be everywhere.

00:24:23.000 It was like a baby's nightmare.

00:24:25.000 Dude, those videos were so crazy.

00:24:27.000 Directed by baby David Lynch. 0.99

00:24:31.000 It was a punishment for shitty parents who weren't watching their kids and what they're putting on their TV. Because if you were just paying attention for a minute... 0.98

00:24:38.000 I'm saying right now, you have to stop paying attention for a couple hours for a kid to get there. 0.94

00:24:43.000 So it was only really shitty parents that were dealing with that.

00:24:46.000 Is that really true?

00:24:47.000 I... Dude, yeah, there's no way to land on that just by Googling Spider-Man.

00:24:51.000 That wasn't the first thing that was coming up.

00:24:53.000 I think they were paying to get in a loop of certain videos.

00:24:57.000 I was obsessed with it for like a week, and I just couldn't stop going onto that subreddit page.

00:25:03.000 And it was freaky, dude.

00:25:04.000 Then he went back to regular porn.

00:25:09.000 Yeah, there's Spiderman ones, and I think they took some of them down.

00:25:14.000 But then it gets to this place where you're like, okay, are you taking it down because it's targeting children?

00:25:19.000 Or are you taking it down because you can't show cartoon babies getting hit in the head with bottles? 0.96

00:25:25.000 Because if that's what you're saying, boy, there's a lot of fucking South Parks that you're not going to be able to show. 0.94

00:25:31.000 There's a lot of different things you're not going to be able to show. 0.93

00:25:33.000 So, yeah, is the line because you think this is, like, creepy? 0.97

00:25:37.000 And it's luring kids in, versus just the act, if it was a funny, you know, Tim and Eric sketch, and a cartoon baby got hit in the head with a bottle, you'd be like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:25:47.000 These guys are nuts. 1.00

00:25:47.000 That's what you'd say. 1.00

00:25:48.000 But you wouldn't be, like, saying, this has got to be removed off of YouTube.

00:25:52.000 Yeah, it's hard to actually define it.

00:25:54.000 What's the intention of it?

00:25:54.000 But you could easily say, like, oh, well, South Park is a cartoon, so is that appealing to kids?

00:25:59.000 But I think, to Lewis's point, the solution isn't that this shit needs to be banned. 0.99

00:26:02.000 The solution is just, like, let parents know. 0.99

00:26:05.000 That's probably always the solution.

00:26:06.000 We're good to go.

00:26:25.000 I'm sorry, I forget the name of the channel, but he had his two little girls who were probably seven and nine years old. 0.99

00:26:29.000 And they were doing, like, just kind of weird shit, dude. 0.97

00:26:32.000 They were, like, eating chocolate bars, and there'd be chocolate all over their face. 0.98

00:26:34.000 And, you know, they'd make weird sounds.

00:26:36.000 And they'd climb up, like, you know, stairs. 0.98

00:26:38.000 And they'd show it from, like, behind their butt. 1.00

00:26:40.000 And it was very fucking pedophilic. 1.00

00:26:43.000 I don't even know. 1.00

00:26:44.000 It was fucked up, dude. 0.98

00:26:45.000 And this guy's channel got taken down. 0.98

00:26:47.000 And the guy's, like, doing interviews.

00:26:48.000 Like, no, dude, whatever.

00:26:49.000 And also, millions of subscribers to the channel making tons of money, paying for his house with this channel.

00:26:55.000 Whoa.

00:26:55.000 And they shut the whole channel down.

00:26:56.000 Yeah.

00:26:57.000 And what did he say when they interviewed him?

00:26:58.000 I don't know.

00:26:58.000 I read something when it was just kind of like, yeah, we're trying to get our channel back.

00:27:01.000 And, you know, he was just like very innocent.

00:27:04.000 There was another thing the same. 1.00

00:27:05.000 I guess I'll fuck him on my own time. 1.00

00:27:09.000 I gotta go to Vimeo. 0.99

00:27:12.000 But the same, when we were talking about this stuff, there was moms.

00:27:16.000 They were regular mom bloggers, right?

00:27:18.000 And they'd bring their daughter to Kmart, right?

00:27:21.000 This is the channel, by the way.

00:27:22.000 YouTube terminates Toy Freaks channel amid broader crackdown on disturbing kids' content.

00:27:28.000 Okay.

00:27:29.000 It is very, like what Jay said, it's a very David Lynch type vibe.

00:27:32.000 Like you feel like you're in some nightmare world where everyone's just acting not the right human way.

00:27:37.000 They had 8.5 million subscribers. 1.00

00:27:40.000 That's a sick ass cookie cake. 1.00

00:27:41.000 They have one of those gold plaques that you have? 1.00

00:27:43.000 Yeah, look at that shit. 0.99

00:27:45.000 Amongst the top most, 100 most viewed channels on YouTube. 1.00

00:27:48.000 That's incredible.

00:27:50.000 They all have pacifiers in their mouths. 1.00

00:27:53.000 Dude, it's fucking bizarre. 1.00

00:27:54.000 They somehow got to that level before... 0.98

00:27:57.000 Can we watch some of this?

00:27:58.000 Yeah.

00:27:58.000 We can't show it.

00:27:59.000 We can't show it on TV. Can we watch it?

00:28:02.000 Is there a way?

00:28:03.000 Sure.

00:28:03.000 We can not see it?

00:28:05.000 We're about to get rated.

00:28:06.000 You get what?

00:28:07.000 I'll find it.

00:28:07.000 You figure it out?

00:28:08.000 Okay.

00:28:09.000 Yeah, don't...

00:28:09.000 The problem is, whenever we put something on YouTube that shouldn't be on YouTube, we get flagged.

00:28:15.000 No.

00:28:16.000 There was like mommy bloggers and they would like have a video of them and their daughter going to like the supermarket and there'd be like 500 views.

00:28:22.000 Yeah, don't do it, Jamie.

00:28:24.000 I was thinking if YouTube flags it.

00:28:26.000 I'm not planning it.

00:28:26.000 It's just for us to see it.

00:28:27.000 Oh, okay.

00:28:28.000 So no one else could see it.

00:28:29.000 It's on another website.

00:28:29.000 Oh, okay.

00:28:30.000 Okay, okay.

00:28:31.000 I'm sorry, Lewis, what?

00:28:33.000 Okay, so yeah, so then they do another, the same mommy blogger would do one called Bath Time, and she's like bathing her five-year-old. 0.95

00:28:38.000 And it's not anything like, more than her like sitting in the bathtub, but those videos were getting millions of views.

00:28:44.000 And then the mom would like disable the comments and turn off the thumbs up and the thumbs downs. 1.00

00:28:49.000 So they were just monetizing, you know, pedophiles jerking off to their daughters in the bathtub. 0.99

00:28:53.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.98

00:28:54.000 It was, this is just like a whole subculture that was happening on YouTube that was sort of just nobody was really talking about it and they kind of made it go away.

00:29:01.000 It wasn't even a big deal.

00:29:04.000 So this, I'm watching this.

00:29:05.000 It's not disturbing at all. 0.99

00:29:07.000 It's just dumb. 0.97

00:29:08.000 They're just eating weird food and getting like whipped cream and ice cream and Cake and nachos all together? 0.98

00:29:17.000 Well, here's what happens.

00:29:18.000 Babies.

00:29:18.000 This is really targeted toward babies.

00:29:19.000 They like the colors.

00:29:21.000 So, what happens...

00:29:22.000 Like, they see these flashing crazy colors.

00:29:25.000 Them unpackaging candy and cake and eating cake. 1.00

00:29:27.000 And two-year-olds love this shit. 1.00

00:29:29.000 They keep on clicking on it. 1.00

00:29:30.000 But pedophiles are also jerking off to these girls putting chocolate bananas in their mouths. 1.00

00:29:34.000 Oh. 1.00

00:29:34.000 So that was sort of the issue. 1.00

00:29:36.000 The parents will subscribe to whatever because they want to put their kid in front of a TV and have the TV babysit them.

00:29:43.000 But it was also another big part of the people who are watching this.

00:29:47.000 You see the comments, and sometimes the comments were encrypted in different languages, and they were using code words. 0.99

00:29:52.000 They're using that Pizzagate shit. 0.99

00:29:54.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:29:54.000 It's all connected. 1.00

00:29:55.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.97

00:29:56.000 If you make a big complaint, though, about something you have to draw a conclusion to, it really makes it seem like you're the person thinking that. 0.99

00:30:03.000 You're like, come on!

00:30:04.000 You don't think that's hot?

00:30:05.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:30:07.000 You wouldn't want to jerk off to this? 1.00

00:30:08.000 Come on, we're all jerking off to this thing. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Who didn't jerk off to that little girl eating a chocolate bar? 1.00

00:30:12.000 Was that a Cheeto with sour cream on it? 1.00

00:30:15.000 I'll jerk off to anybody eating that. 0.99

00:30:17.000 You're just in it for the food. 1.00

00:30:19.000 You're like, get these kids out of here.

00:30:21.000 Oh, are they a family?

00:30:21.000 I didn't notice.

00:30:22.000 When do you say what can and can't be on TV, though?

00:30:25.000 Or on video?

00:30:27.000 Or on, you know, when do you say...

00:30:29.000 They're going to, one day.

00:30:31.000 I know, right?

00:30:32.000 But who's they, right?

00:30:33.000 Because we've all got this weird thing about free speech, because if it wasn't for free speech, we wouldn't be able to do anything.

00:30:39.000 Wouldn't be able to do podcasts.

00:30:41.000 Wouldn't be able to do comedy.

00:30:42.000 You'd get in trouble for everything.

00:30:43.000 It's very important to be able to express your ideas.

00:30:45.000 But what if those ideas are...

00:30:48.000 What if you're a pedophile? 0.58

00:30:50.000 What about that? 0.99

00:30:51.000 Are you allowed to do pedophile anime?

00:30:54.000 Where's the line?

00:30:56.000 And why are we able to draw that line? 0.99

00:30:59.000 If I draw a dick right now, when I will... 1.00

00:31:02.000 Here's a dick. 1.00

00:31:03.000 Now, if I say this is a four-year-old's dick... 1.00

00:31:05.000 Okay, there you go. 1.00

00:31:06.000 ...in my committing a crime. 1.00

00:31:07.000 Well, let me just say that four-year-old's got a big dick. 1.00

00:31:10.000 He's got a giant dick. 1.00

00:31:11.000 It's not bad. 1.00

00:31:11.000 That four-year-old's gonna be a happy man. 1.00

00:31:13.000 It's okay. 1.00

00:31:13.000 I'm gonna put a four-year-old pussy around it, so it'll be fine. 1.00

00:31:17.000 Too soon. 1.00

00:31:20.000 Yeah, but you raised a really good question.

00:31:22.000 It's like, I think the way it's working now is it's kind of whatever YouTube decides or Facebook decides.

00:31:26.000 And culturally we decide, right?

00:31:28.000 Yeah.

00:31:28.000 And they'll have these kind of vague policy guidelines, but then you'll see some people violate it and it's not a problem.

00:31:34.000 But if it's a message that they don't like, then that seems to be the one that gets taken off.

00:31:38.000 I just...

00:31:39.000 I don't know, man.

00:31:40.000 It's hard.

00:31:41.000 Honestly, I would defend free speech toward anything.

00:31:45.000 I don't care what you're saying unless you're inciting violence.

00:31:48.000 Just legally speaking, I defend it like you've got to be allowed to say anything. 0.99

00:31:51.000 Even if it's like, I want to fuck kids or something that's really disgusting like that. 0.99

00:31:54.000 As long as you're not actually fucking kids, you're not doing anything. 1.00

00:31:57.000 What? 0.99

00:31:57.000 You gotta have free speech. 0.99

00:31:58.000 Do you think you should always employ your ability for free speech, though?

00:32:02.000 Like, sometimes just don't.

00:32:03.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:03.000 Oh, no, of course.

00:32:04.000 There's lots of things you shouldn't say.

00:32:05.000 Well, yeah, in the workplace, it's different.

00:32:06.000 That's not like a park.

00:32:07.000 Here's the thing. 0.55

00:32:08.000 I think in our lifetime, there's gonna be words that are banned that you're not gonna be able to say in public spaces, like parks and shit like that.

00:32:14.000 You can't say parks?

00:32:16.000 I've got to ask Jamie to Google something.

00:32:19.000 What was that story recently where they were talking about child brides somewhere in some country where they were trying to allow people to be married as young as 11. And that up until recently they could do that.

00:32:32.000 They could be married as young as 11. Pennsylvania.

00:32:35.000 Yeah, it's a state.

00:32:37.000 Where is that?

00:32:39.000 Is it a state?

00:32:41.000 No.

00:32:41.000 Sierra Leone.

00:32:42.000 Is that what it is?

00:32:43.000 It's an article that just came up from yesterday.

00:32:45.000 Yes, that's it.

00:32:46.000 It's definitely up in the states, too.

00:32:48.000 What age is it?

00:32:54.000 See, what I'm trying to say is like, this is obviously...

00:32:57.000 Sorry, there's actually another one for Missouri.

00:32:59.000 What's Missouri?

00:33:00.000 Two hours ago.

00:33:01.000 A bill to restrict child marriage in Missouri moves forward, it says.

00:33:03.000 Oh, I didn't see that one.

00:33:04.000 Child marriage in Missouri? 0.62

00:33:06.000 Yeah, because people are fighting for it.

00:33:09.000 They're like, my baby should be able to get married at 12 years old.

00:33:11.000 Yeah, once you get married, nobody's ever having sex anymore, so... 1.00

00:33:14.000 It's all the fucking parents' idea. 0.99

00:33:17.000 It's not little kids clamoring to get married. 1.00

00:33:19.000 Bill to restrict child marriage in Missouri moves forward.

00:33:21.000 Whoa.

00:33:23.000 A 15-year-old.

00:33:25.000 Wow.

00:33:26.000 The only state that requires only signature of one parent for a 15-year-old to marry.

00:33:31.000 Has made the state a popular destination for child brides.

00:33:36.000 Oh my god, that is so crazy.

00:33:38.000 Bring your child bride to the best child bride getaway! 0.98

00:33:41.000 That's so crazy.

00:33:42.000 In all of Missouri!

00:33:43.000 Well, in Missouri's defense, that's the only time they've ever been referred to as a popular destination, so they're doing what they can to attract tourists.

00:33:49.000 Yeah, that's dark.

00:33:51.000 That's dark.

00:33:52.000 That's those places where professions are like moss gathering and making some sort of sap juice.

00:33:59.000 You can't marry a 15-year-old, though.

00:34:03.000 They can marry each other. 0.93

00:34:05.000 I'd imagine it's statutory rape, right? 0.98

00:34:07.000 Yeah, it'd have to be.

00:34:08.000 You know, there was a state where male to female, the girl had to be 18. But male to male, the boy only had to be 13. Whoa.

00:34:19.000 That's a little bit too big of a gap.

00:34:21.000 It was one of the states where they were sending pedophiles. 0.96

00:34:25.000 The Catholic Church was sending pedophiles. 0.94

00:34:27.000 God, I want to say it's New Mexico. 1.00

00:34:29.000 I think New Mexico had some super fucking squirrely laws. 0.99

00:34:34.000 Hundreds of childhood brides in Arizona. 0.99

00:34:37.000 Wow.

00:34:38.000 Arizona has child brides? 1.00

00:34:41.000 There's a bumfuck of every state. 0.98

00:34:43.000 I don't know how to Google this, because I think that is one of those states, I want to say it's New Mexico, but it might not have been, where the mail could be 13. Man, Jamie's computer is just going to have the most fucked up search history after this. 0.97

00:34:58.000 I need a new computer after this. 0.99

00:35:00.000 Where can I find a 13-year-old boy to marry?

00:35:02.000 What about male to female?

00:35:05.000 Shouldn't that be different?

00:35:07.000 Boy to girl, meaning woman to 14-year-old kid? 0.68

00:35:12.000 I think it's kind of different.

00:35:13.000 It's way different. 0.99

00:35:15.000 The dogma of there's no difference between the sexes or shit like that is ridiculous. 0.99

00:35:20.000 I definitely don't think, I'm not saying it's cool, but when you hear about some hot chick teacher who is fucking her teenage students, I definitely don't look at that the same way that I look at some dude who's fucking is teenage. 0.99

00:35:32.000 That's just a more fucked up The only thing that I look at it as, like, she's a little bit more fucked up because I don't ever talk to women that are like, oh, young dude, that's what I'm into. 1.00

00:35:41.000 And you talk to every dude behind the scenes like, oh yeah, 19-year-old chick, that'll be hot, you know? 1.00

00:35:46.000 She's definitely fucked up, but those women play very important roles in taking a young man's hand and leading them down the road of sexuality. 1.00

00:35:55.000 It's not, like, I got molested by a 21-year-old when I was 13. She was hot and it was great. 1.00

00:36:02.000 Period. 1.00

00:36:02.000 She grabbed my dick. 1.00

00:36:03.000 She made out with me. 1.00

00:36:05.000 I couldn't get a hard-on.

00:36:07.000 I was in full panic.

00:36:09.000 I couldn't believe I was making out with this lady. 0.99

00:36:11.000 Was she babysitting you? 0.79

00:36:12.000 No, she lived down the street. 0.99

00:36:14.000 Nice person.

00:36:15.000 She played softball with us.

00:36:17.000 That's what you called it? 0.99

00:36:18.000 Fucked a bunch of us. 0.99

00:36:19.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:36:20.000 And she was 21. And the thing is, man, she was pretty.

00:36:22.000 It was weird. 1.00

00:36:23.000 She was fucked when she was a kid, I think. 1.00

00:36:26.000 Could be. 1.00

00:36:26.000 I think it's always passed down from another generation. 1.00

00:36:28.000 No, you're probably right.

00:36:30.000 Whatever it was.

00:36:31.000 Thank your dad for me.

00:36:32.000 She was very nice.

00:36:36.000 She was a fun person like she was fun to be around we all we all liked her but she fucked everybody yeah, so I just No, I didn't I didn't know she just just grabbed my dick like I said I couldn't even get it up I panicked but I didn't I mean they didn't even know what getting it up was like I think she was the first person ever kissed You didn't come back around to her, 1.00

00:36:57.000 though, later to see where you stacked up in the hood? 0.97

00:36:59.000 No, we moved.

00:36:59.000 We moved.

00:37:00.000 We wound up moving to the next year, and I went to high school in a different part of town.

00:37:05.000 I was already jerking off for years at that point, so getting it up.

00:37:08.000 Like, I was literally jerking off from when I was, like, nine or eight. 0.91

00:37:11.000 That's hilarious! 0.99

00:37:11.000 You started jerking off at nine? 0.99

00:37:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:37:13.000 I talk about it on my act.

00:37:14.000 I used to hunt teddy bears in, like, my pillows. 0.98

00:37:16.000 Is that the same as jerking off, though? 0.95

00:37:18.000 Because I did that, too. 0.98

00:37:19.000 See, I don't think so.

00:37:19.000 No, but then I would use my hand when I was, like, ten, and I remember...

00:37:23.000 I remember the transition of not coming anything to when I actually shot a liquid, and it was like I graduated in masturbation. 0.72

00:37:30.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:37:31.000 You know, because I'd watched porn at that point.

00:37:32.000 But it's like an eighth grade graduation. 1.00

00:37:34.000 It's not the real graduated shit. 0.99

00:37:35.000 It's just kind of like, you know, we're trying to make him feel good about himself. 1.00

00:37:38.000 I didn't jerk off until after I'd had sex. 0.98

00:37:40.000 No. 0.99

00:37:41.000 Yeah.

00:37:41.000 Really?

00:37:42.000 Yeah, I didn't start jerking off until after I had sex. 0.99

00:37:44.000 And I have no idea why. 0.99

00:37:48.000 Somewhere between 15 and 16. It might have been 16, it might have been 15. I'm not sure.

00:37:52.000 And you were like, I want to feel this again.

00:37:53.000 I don't have time to find a chick every time. 1.00

00:37:55.000 No, the thing is, when I started jerking off, I went, oh. 0.98

00:38:00.000 Like, this is what's going on. 0.99

00:38:01.000 Like, I'm a junkie.

00:38:03.000 Like, my body is, like, completely addicted to the idea of girls, right? 0.99

00:38:10.000 You're 17 years old, or whatever the fuck I was, 15 years old. 0.99

00:38:14.000 Your body is just like, girls, girls! 1.00

00:38:17.000 But if you jerk off, it's like, oh, they're just... 0.99

00:38:20.000 It's just people. 0.98

00:38:23.000 Without this need for coming, then you'd like them based on their merits, their friendship, their personality.

00:38:34.000 I realized that literally when I was like 16 years old. 0.66

00:38:37.000 If I just jerked off, what I was willing to tolerate was so much less. 0.99

00:38:42.000 Well, dude, we were talking about the sex robots before, and if we kind of got off on it, if pedophiles should be able to fuck them, and you kind of think about that, dude. 1.00

00:38:49.000 They have that built-up pedophile full balls walking around, dude, just seeing kids at the park. 1.00

00:38:54.000 But are we just giving up on them? 0.99

00:38:55.000 There's no way to fix that?

00:38:56.000 I think they're a disease.

00:38:58.000 I think there's, like, a sickness.

00:38:59.000 I don't know if you could, like, I don't know if you're going to be able to fix them. 0.98

00:39:01.000 Well, you know, chemical castration and shit like that. 0.98

00:39:04.000 Dude, that's, like, crazy. 0.99

00:39:05.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:39:06.000 I mean, I don't know what the...

00:39:08.000 Like, there are people that have this inclination that would never act on it out of ethics and morals. 0.54

00:39:14.000 They don't want to fuck anybody up, which is also crazy.

00:39:17.000 It's like, wow. 0.92

00:39:18.000 Okay, so it's like some guy's got a nuclear suitcase and he's just walking around neighborhoods, just ready to detonate buildings.

00:39:24.000 And we just trust that he's never going to use it.

00:39:26.000 Right.

00:39:27.000 It's a weird thing to want.

00:39:29.000 Or if you can give him like a weird video game like your hunting video game and he can just blow up a building with a suitcase once in a while.

00:39:35.000 But here's the thing, like if he doesn't do anything, he's not a criminal.

00:39:39.000 Like if he has this thing and he fights this demon every day and he successfully slays it every day, who are we to come in and say, you shouldn't have these thoughts?

00:39:47.000 No, if anything, I look at that as probably it's somebody who was like abused as a child, has had a horrible life and isn't harming anybody else.

00:39:54.000 You almost kind of are like...

00:39:56.000 Honestly, it's chemical castration! 0.55

00:39:58.000 We gotta find the Dexter of terrorists, a terrorist who only terrorizes terrorists. 0.99

00:40:08.000 A pedophile who only goes after evil kids. 1.00

00:40:13.000 Kids who deserve to be molested. 1.00

00:40:15.000 And then he can leap to another city, like quantum leap. 0.97

00:40:18.000 What a crazy sickness that you can implant in someone's mind that if you can molest them, they will want to molest others. 0.99

00:40:25.000 Vampires. 0.97

00:40:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:40:27.000 I mean, it really is.

00:40:28.000 It really is like a vampire thing. 0.87

00:40:29.000 Do not invite a pedophile into your home.

00:40:31.000 Dude, it probably is where it comes from, right? 0.86

00:40:34.000 Stealing your joy. 1.00

00:40:36.000 Sucking the life out of your family unless some guy fucks your kids. 1.00

00:40:39.000 Just being violent in general, I think, is like that. 1.00

00:40:41.000 I think most people who are, like, not violent in, like, the criminal sense, not in, like, you know, being, like, in martial arts or something like that, but, like, people who, like, you know, assault and kill and fucking shit like that, it's, like, I think 99% of the time they were fucking beaten as a child. 0.98

00:40:57.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:40:58.000 The bully always has a dad who kicks his ass type thing. 1.00

00:41:01.000 But those guys can go play a video game where they shoot people in the fucking head and they get off on that and pedophiles don't have that same type of outlet that those guys have. 1.00

00:41:09.000 Yeah, that's interesting. 1.00

00:41:11.000 I'm sorry.

00:41:13.000 We look at pedophiles as almost being worse than murder.

00:41:16.000 Somebody wants to commit murder, we understand.

00:41:19.000 It kind of is worse than murder in a weird way.

00:41:20.000 I got a five-year-old.

00:41:21.000 I'm telling you right now, dude.

00:41:23.000 Is it worse than somebody killing him?

00:41:26.000 No. 0.75

00:41:27.000 Don't make it him.

00:41:28.000 Make it just a dude.

00:41:29.000 It's still crazy. 0.54

00:41:30.000 Stop dressing him so sexy.

00:41:33.000 That's fair piece of advice. 1.00

00:41:35.000 You blue-haired son of a bitch. 1.00

00:41:39.000 I was like, who is making this sexy clothes for five-year-olds, by the way? 1.00

00:41:44.000 Have you guys ever been to one of those beauty pageants?

00:41:48.000 Never been to one.

00:41:49.000 For little tiny kids?

00:41:50.000 What? 1.00

00:41:51.000 No, I've seen videos online and shit. 0.99

00:41:52.000 Me and Diaz and Duncan were in Dallas once. 0.98

00:41:56.000 We were working at the Addison Improv, and while we were in Dallas, in our hotel, they had this childhood beauty pageant. 0.99

00:42:04.000 It was the craziest shit you've ever seen in your life. 0.99

00:42:07.000 I'm talking about five-year-olds with full makeup and dresses. 1.00

00:42:12.000 They're dressed like a woman with high heels. 0.98

00:42:15.000 They're walking around in high heels, these little tiny kids. 1.00

00:42:18.000 I mean high fucking heels, like, come fuck me, pumps. 1.00

00:42:22.000 Like, it's crazy looking at them. 1.00

00:42:24.000 And you're looking at these, like, super dolled up.

00:42:27.000 That's essentially the JonBenet Ramsey story, right?

00:42:30.000 You know, when JonBenet Ramsey, when they did an autopsy on her, they found out that she had been sexually active.

00:42:36.000 Yes.

00:42:37.000 And she was, what, seven or something like that?

00:42:39.000 She had calluses on her palms.

00:42:40.000 How old was she when they killed her?

00:42:41.000 It was something like seven.

00:42:42.000 They don't even know who killed her.

00:42:44.000 Some say it was the dad.

00:42:45.000 Some say it was someone else.

00:42:47.000 The brother.

00:42:47.000 The brother looks weird for it.

00:42:49.000 The brother sued. 0.97

00:42:49.000 He said that story's horseshit. 0.97

00:42:51.000 He's like, you guys are monsters. 1.00

00:42:52.000 My sister was fucking killed and you're blaming me and I didn't do a goddamn thing. 1.00

00:42:56.000 Well, he should really be upset at God because it doesn't look more like a guy who fucked and killed his sister. 1.00

00:43:01.000 Does he? 0.99

00:43:01.000 Yeah, he's odd looking for sure. 0.99

00:43:03.000 Poor bastard. 1.00

00:43:04.000 Imagine growing up your whole life knowing that someone fucked and killed your sister. 1.00

00:43:07.000 Yeah, he's got crazy big eyes. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Yeah, no, I'm sure.

00:43:10.000 He's probably jealous too because they gave her more attention the whole time.

00:43:13.000 It's like, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

00:43:14.000 Up to the end.

00:43:15.000 My favorite theory is the brother did it by accident and the parents tried to cover it up.

00:43:21.000 But that's just my favorite documentary answer.

00:43:24.000 They connected the handwriting. 0.97

00:43:26.000 They were trying to connect the handwriting of the ransom note or whatever the fuck it was. 0.75

00:43:32.000 Whatever note was left behind.

00:43:34.000 There was a note left behind.

00:43:35.000 And they said it was really similar to the mother's handwriting.

00:43:40.000 I don't think they made a conclusive decision about that.

00:43:43.000 But that's like, what if you have normal handwriting, somebody else has normal handwriting, and they kill your kid?

00:43:47.000 And now people think you killed your kid because you write normal. 0.99

00:43:51.000 You gotta defend the fact that you put a little curve on the end of your R. How good is that handwriting shit? 0.99

00:43:56.000 I mean, is it that good? 0.99

00:43:58.000 I don't think so.

00:44:00.000 And then also you can find a handwriting expert that if you pay them enough they'll say that it's not. 0.99

00:44:03.000 That's all like bullshit. 0.97

00:44:04.000 It depends on whoever you get. 1.00

00:44:05.000 But there's got to be some science behind it.

00:44:07.000 There must be.

00:44:08.000 If you've ever seen them analyze, I've seen on documentaries how they analyze it.

00:44:13.000 They loop it that way, the same way, it's all at the same angles.

00:44:16.000 But they will use that in courts, right?

00:44:18.000 But I don't think it's substantial evidence.

00:44:20.000 It's like polygraphs. 1.00

00:44:21.000 There's some science to it, but you can't get convicted off that shit. 0.99

00:44:25.000 I would believe anybody that passed a polygraph test I think you'd see it up on the screen up there. 0.99

00:44:31.000 There's JonBenet Ramsey, Jon Ramsey's Ransom Note, and Patti Ramsey.

00:44:37.000 And you watch how she writes, and you watch how Patsy Ramsey writes, and you're like, oh yeah.

00:44:45.000 She didn't even try to hide it.

00:44:47.000 Wow.

00:44:48.000 I mean, she writes the same way.

00:44:49.000 The H's are the same if you look at the little hook on the end of the H. Yeah, well, look at the size of the A's and the C's. 0.84

00:44:55.000 They're very uniform in size.

00:44:58.000 From hers to the ransom note, but very different than John's.

00:45:03.000 Like, it's her handwriting.

00:45:06.000 Like, now I see it. 0.95

00:45:07.000 She killed her. 1.00

00:45:08.000 You just have those words.

00:45:09.000 We solved it.

00:45:10.000 It looks, I mean, it really, really looks like she wrote that note.

00:45:14.000 So the Patsy Ramsey ransom note in the middle is the one where she said, look, it's not my handwriting.

00:45:20.000 Is that what they're saying?

00:45:21.000 Yes.

00:45:22.000 They made her write the ransom note.

00:45:23.000 She's like, look, I don't write like that.

00:45:24.000 She started to stab her in the paper with a pen. 1.00

00:45:26.000 I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:45:27.000 She had putted the sheet of paper.

00:45:28.000 Yeah, they said, here's some words.

00:45:30.000 We'd like you to write them out.

00:45:31.000 And she wrote them out.

00:45:32.000 Pretty much exactly the same way.

00:45:34.000 I mean, she didn't even try to hide it.

00:45:38.000 That is crazy, dude.

00:45:40.000 That's crazy.

00:45:41.000 Now I get it.

00:45:43.000 I'm sure if we had an expert in here, he'd explain that there's some sort of science behind it. 0.89

00:45:48.000 That house, I lived in Boulder nine fucking years ago, and that house is still for sale. 0.73

00:45:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:45:56.000 They can't sell it.

00:45:57.000 It's a nice house.

00:45:58.000 They can't sell that house.

00:45:59.000 They changed the name of the street, dude.

00:46:01.000 Like Trent Reznor or Marilyn Manson doesn't want to buy it?

00:46:03.000 No.

00:46:04.000 You get rock stars or really weird, essential people that want to have something like that?

00:46:08.000 No.

00:46:09.000 Nobody wants to buy a house where a kid was killed.

00:46:11.000 Good enough deal.

00:46:12.000 How expensive is it?

00:46:13.000 It's a good deal.

00:46:14.000 Not a great deal.

00:46:17.000 It's a good deal, but you might be able to negotiate down a great deal.

00:46:21.000 I see your podcast studio, Mike, dude.

00:46:23.000 I might buy that house.

00:46:24.000 I know.

00:46:25.000 You imagine a crazy, like, you're on the middle of the show and you see, like, things behind you moving around.

00:46:32.000 Ghosts.

00:46:33.000 You know, that's the thing about the Comedy Store podcast.

00:46:36.000 Down that basement.

00:46:39.000 Millions of people have been killed in that basement.

00:46:41.000 That was like Bugsy Siegel's place.

00:46:44.000 That was Ciro's nightclub. 0.99

00:46:46.000 So, like, for sure, if you're gonna kill somebody, you kill them in the basement, right? 0.99

00:46:49.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:46:50.000 How many guys do you think they killed in that basement?

00:46:53.000 Bugsy Siegel with a nightclub on Sunset.

00:46:56.000 For sure, a gang of people got killed.

00:46:58.000 I think there's probably a bunch of people killed since it's been the Comedy Store.

00:47:01.000 Well, there's probably been...

00:47:03.000 Well, we know there's one that was a murder that took place.

00:47:06.000 In the basement?

00:47:07.000 On the front patio.

00:47:07.000 Oh, the front patio.

00:47:08.000 Yeah.

00:47:09.000 I was on my way there that night.

00:47:10.000 That was crazy.

00:47:11.000 Yeah.

00:47:12.000 Great alibi, Jay.

00:47:13.000 I was on my way.

00:47:14.000 You know it.

00:47:15.000 I was on my way there.

00:47:17.000 Me and Luis Gomez.

00:47:19.000 Here's a picture of me holding a newspaper in a car near a street sign many miles away.

00:47:23.000 Like this.

00:47:24.000 Luis J. Gomez.

00:47:29.000 Just get it right for the press release.

00:47:31.000 Get it effing right.

00:47:32.000 Yeah, whenever some reason a documentary comes out about an old thing that I've heard a thousand things about, I'll still watch them again.

00:47:39.000 I got way deep into Charles Manson again.

00:47:41.000 But I was going to say, Charles Manson was, people have bought those houses for sure.

00:47:44.000 Yeah, it's cool in a weird way.

00:47:46.000 The Amityville house is sold over and over again. 0.98

00:47:48.000 I'm telling you right now, they haven't marketed that fucking house the right way because they could get some weirdo to buy it easily. 1.00

00:47:53.000 I think that Amityville horror house though is bullshit. 0.99

00:47:55.000 Nothing ever really happened there, right? 0.99

00:47:58.000 It depends on what documentary you want.

00:48:00.000 Some people are like, the whole thing's fake.

00:48:02.000 I mean, it's probably all fake. 1.00

00:48:03.000 I think it's kind of bullshit. 1.00

00:48:05.000 I think they just sort of concocted it for that movie. 1.00

00:48:07.000 I went to see that movie. 0.99

00:48:08.000 I was scared out of my fucking mind. 0.99

00:48:10.000 I was thinking, oh my god, these people, they bought this house and it's haunted. 1.00

00:48:14.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:48:15.000 That sucks. 1.00

00:48:16.000 What if that was us? 1.00

00:48:17.000 When you were a little kid, you believed that shit. 1.00

00:48:20.000 But then you found out what based on true events means. 1.00

00:48:23.000 I heard a weird creak in the middle of the night.

00:48:26.000 Bees came out of your toilet? 1.00

00:48:32.000 That is hilarious.

00:48:33.000 I'm going to go ahead and change that.

00:48:34.000 Remember that the bees came at you.

00:48:36.000 The walls started bleeding.

00:48:37.000 I grew up so poor that, like, just the idea of buying a house.

00:48:40.000 I was watching those movies.

00:48:41.000 I was like, I don't know.

00:48:41.000 What do you want me to say, guys?

00:48:42.000 I'm renting.

00:48:43.000 We're on Section 8. I would fucking deal with the ghosts to own something. 0.99

00:48:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:47.000 I know, right? 0.99

00:48:48.000 Were you scared of a few ghosts?

00:48:49.000 What have ghosts ever done?

00:48:50.000 They never killed anybody.

00:48:52.000 What happened to Fred? 1.00

00:48:53.000 Fucking ghosts killed him. 1.00

00:48:55.000 It's just like no one's ever died from a ghost. 1.00

00:48:57.000 Yeah, it's always like they moved a toy car like across a table or something like that. 1.00

00:49:01.000 I need to get past that shit. 0.99

00:49:02.000 My roommate, back when I was like 21, my buddy Jimmy Dottilio, me and him got a Ouija board once. 1.00

00:49:08.000 We said, alright, we're going to find out if this is bullshit. 0.89

00:49:11.000 And he's like, you're not going to move it, right? 0.98

00:49:13.000 And I go, I'm not going to move it.

00:49:14.000 I go, you're not going to move it? 0.99

00:49:15.000 He goes, I'm not going to move that fucking thing. 1.00

00:49:17.000 He goes, we're going to find out if this is bullshit. 1.00

00:49:19.000 And we sat around for like an hour and 45 minutes with this fucking stupid Ouija board, asking it questions. 1.00

00:49:29.000 At the end of it, my friend Jimmy, he folds everything up, stuffs it in a garbage bag, goes, I'm taking this piece of shit out to the trash right now. 1.00

00:49:37.000 Fuck this. 1.00

00:49:39.000 I mean, people convince themselves of everything. 1.00

00:49:43.000 You know, they'll start moving that thing.

00:49:44.000 Oh my god, it's going to the A! I can't believe it's the N! And the D! It's telling us something! 0.97

00:49:50.000 Andy! 0.86

00:49:50.000 From beyond the grave! 0.86

00:49:52.000 Oh, Andy's calling us! 1.00

00:49:54.000 It's like the same shit as that fake martial arts where they're using air to fucking knock you down. 1.00

00:49:58.000 They all just convince that it's the same shit. 1.00

00:50:00.000 Do you think the people that, uh... 1.00

00:50:02.000 That prey on them are predators?

00:50:04.000 Do you think, like, the people who go, I'm talking to you? 1.00

00:50:06.000 They're idiots, too. 1.00

00:50:06.000 That's the problem. 1.00

00:50:07.000 Are they idiots or are they pieces of shit? 1.00

00:50:09.000 They're both. 1.00

00:50:09.000 You got pieces of shit that some of them are just con artists, some of them are idiots who are as fooled by it as what they're teaching. 1.00

00:50:17.000 There's a lot of those. 1.00

00:50:17.000 I mean, that's Sylvia Brown. 1.00

00:50:18.000 Wasn't she the one... 0.99

00:50:20.000 That told the girls they found in Cleveland, like told one of her parents, like she's moved on to a better place now.

00:50:26.000 Right, yeah.

00:50:27.000 Like, stop looking for her. 1.00

00:50:29.000 Your daughter was dead and she was in a fucking... 1.00

00:50:31.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:50:32.000 She made them stop looking for her.

00:50:33.000 How different is that than religion, though? 1.00

00:50:35.000 So, you know, I can sit there and the person that's doing that on a dumb fucking stage... 1.00

00:50:39.000 It's more personal. 1.00

00:50:40.000 Yeah.

00:50:41.000 Because religion, you're basically projecting these ancient stories, right?

00:50:47.000 That's what you're doing.

00:50:48.000 You're giving lessons in these ancient stories.

00:50:51.000 But when you're actually doing it to a single person, that seems way worse, right?

00:50:55.000 Yeah, it's very focused.

00:50:56.000 And also religion, people get...

00:50:58.000 There are good intentions sometimes to people doing it.

00:51:01.000 They just want to follow tradition and stuff, or you grow up that way and you just kind of like...

00:51:04.000 But I mean, no, that's predatory.

00:51:07.000 You're looking for someone to make money by explaining the worst possible thing about their life.

00:51:12.000 In terms of, is it truth? 1.00

00:51:13.000 They're both equally probably, you know, like, bullshit. 1.00

00:51:17.000 But one is directly targeting and fucking with somebody. 1.00

00:51:20.000 And religion's also probably killed millions and millions and millions of people, and these people are just fucking duping a few idiots out of their money. 1.00

00:51:26.000 They're duping a lot of idiots, but those idiots deserve to be duped. 1.00

00:51:29.000 I mean, look, wounded antelopes should not go to the waterhole. 1.00

00:51:33.000 That's just how it goes.

00:51:34.000 You get jacked.

00:51:35.000 Everything is an antelope analogy with you, Joe. 1.00

00:51:37.000 Well, these are dumbasses. 1.00

00:51:38.000 It always works. 1.00

00:51:39.000 They're supposed to get taken out.

00:51:40.000 Did you watch the documentary An Honest Liar about the amazing Randy?

00:51:46.000 Yes.

00:51:47.000 Who would go pick apart those televangelists and interrupt their frequency and expose their tricks? 0.69

00:51:53.000 Well, he's one of the...

00:51:54.000 Yuri Geller, he just tried to end him.

00:51:56.000 That's a leap of faith with Steve Martin.

00:51:58.000 That's the entire plot.

00:52:00.000 It really is.

00:52:01.000 No, I know.

00:52:01.000 It's all based off of it.

00:52:02.000 They try to intercept that signal.

00:52:04.000 But he did it with a lot of things.

00:52:05.000 Yuri Geller, the bending spoons guy, made him go away for about 20 years.

00:52:09.000 Well, he's got this million dollar challenge.

00:52:13.000 And I believe, look up the Randy challenge.

00:52:15.000 It's to show him any evidence of any sort of telekinetic powers or psychic abilities, any measurable psychic abilities.

00:52:27.000 And you can win a million bucks. 1.00

00:52:28.000 Because nobody can show shit. 0.99

00:52:30.000 Well, he did a thing. 0.99

00:52:30.000 He did a study, I believe, at Princeton University. 0.99

00:52:34.000 They gave him all this money to have these guys come.

00:52:36.000 And he hired three other magicians.

00:52:39.000 And it was to have them come sit there for days and try to figure out how to do this crazy telekinetic thing.

00:52:44.000 And then they ended up doing it.

00:52:46.000 And there was a big press conference.

00:52:47.000 And he was like, they're all magicians.

00:52:48.000 There's no telekinesis.

00:52:50.000 And he just showed it was a trick they all did.

00:52:51.000 And they got like... 0.99

00:52:53.000 Some of those guys are fucking incredible. 0.96

00:52:56.000 When I did that show, Joe Rogan Questions Everything, we did an episode on psychics, and we got this guy named Banachek, and he's a Vegas magician. 0.98

00:53:03.000 He's a wizard, dude. 0.89

00:53:06.000 He does all the spoon-bending shit in front of you, and you know what it is, man? 0.99

00:53:11.000 I mean, Hugh didn't explain it to me. 0.99

00:53:12.000 I had to go and Google it.

00:53:13.000 It's not really the same metal.

00:53:15.000 It's some metal that if you just heat it up by moving your hands back and forth, it just bends.

00:53:19.000 I used to want to be a magician as a kid.

00:53:21.000 I really did.

00:53:21.000 And if you take a cheap enough spoon and you literally just...

00:53:25.000 You could bend it a few times and it'll just look straight.

00:53:28.000 That's one of the tricks where you'll just use your finger and you make it melt But this is a very specific kind of metal that you can do this to.

00:53:35.000 It's like, you know how aluminum is like super weak?

00:53:37.000 Right.

00:53:38.000 Like in some forms, not like car frame forms, but in some forms, not alloys.

00:53:42.000 But aluminum, it's like it scratches easier.

00:53:45.000 It's like there's metals that are like, or lead I was thinking of.

00:53:48.000 Lead scratches easier.

00:53:50.000 It's the kind of metal that's pliable.

00:53:53.000 You can bite into a gold coin, right?

00:53:55.000 You can actually see teeth marks.

00:53:57.000 That's how people knew that gold was real. 1.00

00:53:58.000 This shit, you just rub your fingers and it just droops. 1.00

00:54:01.000 It just gives in. 1.00

00:54:03.000 I spent like...

00:54:04.000 Go ahead.

00:54:05.000 No, you.

00:54:06.000 I think you guys are handling this remarkably well for four microphones.

00:54:11.000 Legion of Skanks podcast, that would have never happened in a million years. 0.99

00:54:14.000 It was just sort of us screaming at each other, calling each other faggot for the next five minutes. 0.98

00:54:18.000 We're on our best behavior right now. 0.99

00:54:20.000 We're being so respectful right now.

00:54:21.000 You have no idea.

00:54:22.000 This is church Sunday for us.

00:54:24.000 After you. 1.00

00:54:25.000 Faggots first. 1.00

00:54:26.000 Okay. 1.00

00:54:27.000 No, I'm just saying, can you imagine, like, pre-science, how much people got freaked out by people who, like, knew magic or knew, like, some type of sleight of hand like that, when you can't fucking Google.

00:54:35.000 You can't Google that, oh, there's a different type of metal that you can burn, and they're just like, he is communicating with the gods!

00:54:40.000 There's no other answer.

00:54:41.000 Are you ready?

00:54:43.000 Those people that know how to ask you questions that are leading you into telling them the answers.

00:54:50.000 There's techniques to that.

00:54:51.000 I talked to Penn Jillette about that once, and he was explaining to me how when someone talks to you, they get you to give them the answer, and then they say the answer, and it makes them look like a wizard.

00:55:01.000 But they've gone through these patterns so many times.

00:55:04.000 I mean, how many people have problems with their dad?

00:55:06.000 How many people have a brother that died?

00:55:08.000 How many people...

00:55:08.000 You know, they're like, there's someone missing.

00:55:10.000 Who is it?

00:55:10.000 Oh, it's my brother.

00:55:11.000 Yes, I see.

00:55:13.000 I see.

00:55:14.000 And this is not a good thing.

00:55:17.000 No, he died in a car accident.

00:55:18.000 Yes, I see.

00:55:20.000 I see that he loves you.

00:55:22.000 And he misses you.

00:55:23.000 And he's very sad that he didn't get to say goodbye.

00:55:25.000 And the guy starts crying.

00:55:27.000 And then he comes home and goes, dude, she knew about my brother.

00:55:31.000 No! 1.00

00:55:32.000 No, you fucking dummy! 1.00

00:55:33.000 You knew about your brother! 1.00

00:55:35.000 If she was a psychic, she'd tell you about some shit that hasn't happened. 1.00

00:55:39.000 She's telling you about some shit you already know because you're a dumbass and you're playing checkers with a lady who's playing chess on you. 1.00

00:55:45.000 My friend who I stay with when I'm out here has a very good friend who's a psychic medium. 1.00

00:55:51.000 He's a very nice guy, but she really wants to believe in him so much.

00:55:56.000 The way he does it is an entertaining thing.

00:56:00.000 And she's like, you don't believe it at all?

00:56:01.000 I go, here's why I don't believe it. 0.99

00:56:03.000 If you have fucking powers, and then also, like, you know, you go to Target because you need shampoo. 0.99

00:56:10.000 I don't know, it seems like it would be a burden to live with, the gift of magic powers. 1.00

00:56:14.000 And then you're just like, oh yeah, I'll swing by McDonald's, I'm a little hungry for a snack.

00:56:20.000 It all stems from us walking around going, wouldn't it be much easier if I knew exactly what was going to happen, I knew who these people, who's good and who's bad.

00:56:27.000 Wouldn't that be better?

00:56:28.000 Everybody has that feeling, but nobody has those abilities.

00:56:31.000 So you go on knowledge and instincts and life experience, and you compile it all together. 0.61

00:56:37.000 And some people are really good at it, and some people suck at it.

00:56:40.000 And the people that suck at it, they go to someone else for advice.

00:56:42.000 And one of the ways they go to advice is that lady with the neon sign. 1.00

00:56:45.000 Psychic.

00:56:46.000 Oh, look at the palm.

00:56:47.000 She must be a magician. 0.99

00:56:48.000 And you go in there, and this lady fleeces you. 0.99

00:56:51.000 I see that in New York City.

00:56:51.000 I walk down the street.

00:56:52.000 There's a psychic who has a window of storefront.

00:56:55.000 Yeah.

00:56:55.000 And it's got a palm glowing in the window.

00:56:57.000 By my house.

00:56:58.000 And you're like...

00:56:58.000 A lot of them.

00:56:59.000 How are you affording the fucking rent here? 1.00

00:57:01.000 They get a bunch of suckers. 1.00

00:57:03.000 And the one thing about suckers is, if they're good, if you have a good connection with that sucker, that sucker wants to come back next week. 0.99

00:57:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:10.000 The sucker wants to keep coming to you. 0.99

00:57:11.000 Look, we have to discuss this. 0.99

00:57:13.000 Can you be here Thursday?

00:57:14.000 It's also part of their job.

00:57:15.000 They're salespeople. 0.97

00:57:15.000 Yes, Thursday. 0.97

00:57:16.000 Thursday's no problem. 1.00

00:57:17.000 And then this fucking dork, he's all excited about Thursday. 0.99

00:57:19.000 On Thursday, the madam is going to tell me exactly what's going to happen in the future of my company. 1.00

00:57:24.000 And this fucking dude should have gotten taken out by a hyena. 1.00

00:57:27.000 A hyena should have clipped his ankles, dragged him into the bushes, and they all would have jumped out of nowhere and mauled this fucking asshole because he didn't listen to anybody. 1.00

00:57:35.000 But no! 1.00

00:57:35.000 We need to have him because he survived in this nerfed up world. 1.00

00:57:39.000 Yes, nature had an answer for this guy, but then the one smart guy who was supposed to survive invented some shit and then told everyone else about it. 1.00

00:57:45.000 And now these idiots have that invention. 0.99

00:57:47.000 I remember like an old bit of yours where you touched on this. 1.00

00:57:50.000 I really fucking love that joke where you're like, when you realize there's no such thing as adults. 0.70

00:57:54.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:57:55.000 Like everyone else.

00:57:56.000 That was a real moment with me. 0.97

00:57:57.000 Like, because people, but that's what it is, is that none of us really know what the fuck's going on. 0.96

00:58:01.000 We all like to comfort ourselves by thinking we know what's going on. 0.94

00:58:04.000 And then if someone else can convince you they kind of know what's going on, it's like, we look for that.

00:58:09.000 Like, we're like, oh, thank God, I found someone now.

00:58:11.000 Now I know what's going on. 1.00

00:58:12.000 But we're all full of shit. 1.00

00:58:13.000 Most people are followers, that's what it is. 1.00

00:58:15.000 We should look at psychics like we look at coyotes. 0.96

00:58:19.000 They take out the dummies.

00:58:20.000 They get into the system, they find cracks, they expose weakness. 0.84

00:58:26.000 And dummies hang out with dummies, right?

00:58:28.000 I'm sure the referral business in the psychic world is everything, dude.

00:58:33.000 Oh, and everybody wants to think that they have the person.

00:58:36.000 Oh my god, she is amazing.

00:58:39.000 She knows so much about me.

00:58:41.000 She's four foot six.

00:58:42.000 First of all, when I knew her, when I walked in the room, she touched both my shoulders, and I knew her for my whole life.

00:58:50.000 It's that incredible.

00:58:51.000 She's that incredible. 1.00

00:58:52.000 And they all want to convince themselves that this fucking crazy bitch that they keep paying money to isn't just lying to them. 1.00

00:58:59.000 That's right, because it's not just that you're being conned. 1.00

00:59:01.000 It's like you're the accomplice in the con.

00:59:03.000 You want the con, so you're helping.

00:59:05.000 You're conning yourself.

00:59:05.000 That's those Kung Fu videos.

00:59:07.000 Those guys want to be conned by this touch.

00:59:11.000 And the guy goes flying across the room.

00:59:13.000 They want to be sucked into that.

00:59:15.000 There's something in it for you, too.

00:59:16.000 I've been working with this master.

00:59:17.000 No problem, Dave.

00:59:19.000 I always make the sidekick do Otome Brown.

00:59:21.000 And I just pretend my ex-wife is dead and I want to make love to her.

00:59:24.000 What's that one?

00:59:25.000 You remember from Ghosts, Otome Brown pretended to be Patrick Swayze and they made out with Demi Moore?

00:59:31.000 Whoopi Goldberg?

00:59:32.000 But they wouldn't show Whoopi making out with...

00:59:35.000 They should have.

00:59:35.000 They should have been leaning in and then it turned into Patrick Swayze.

00:59:38.000 Which was weak shit. 1.00

00:59:41.000 Realistically, Whoopi Goldberg was fucking French and hard with Demi Moore. 1.00

00:59:45.000 Imagine making that movie today. 0.98

00:59:48.000 How would we go about that?

00:59:49.000 Whoopi Goldberg now?

00:59:51.000 I'm too heavy.

00:59:53.000 It would just be all chicks. 0.99

00:59:55.000 Patrick Swayze is a chick too.

00:59:56.000 That's the reboot.

00:59:58.000 Ronda Rousey is Sam and Ghost.

01:00:04.000 Yeah.

01:00:05.000 They could remake that movie.

01:00:06.000 They probably will one day.

01:00:07.000 They definitely could.

01:00:08.000 They could remake anything, it seems. 0.78

01:00:09.000 They're doing some shitty ones coming up soon.

01:00:10.000 I'm trying to remember what they are, but there's some real, like, it's too soon.

01:00:14.000 Why would you remake something that just happened?

01:00:16.000 There's not enough Transformers for my liking.

01:00:17.000 I'd like a few more of those, please.

01:00:19.000 Yeah, they really thought that was gonna...

01:00:21.000 It was so cool, the first one. 0.98

01:00:22.000 When they made that truck turn into that fucking robot, it was the coolest thing I've ever seen on the screen. 0.98

01:00:25.000 They're making some money. 0.99

01:00:26.000 They're making some money because they keep coming out. 1.00

01:00:28.000 They're making a fucking shit ton of money. 0.97

01:00:30.000 It's like when the Fast and the Furious 89 came out. 0.99

01:00:33.000 You're like, what?

01:00:34.000 How many of they have?

01:00:36.000 It's a number one movie.

01:00:38.000 I've never watched more than 14 minutes of one of these movies.

01:00:41.000 I have no idea.

01:00:41.000 Did you ever hear Vin Diesel talk about...

01:00:44.000 The movie was like the reverence where he's like, we made a multicultural movie that showed races working together to get along.

01:00:52.000 You're like, dude, it's just about like bikini.

01:00:56.000 It's Maxim Magazine, man. 0.59

01:00:58.000 It's Fast Cars and Bikini Tits. 1.00

01:01:00.000 You've made $1.163 billion.

01:01:02.000 That's the last one.

01:01:03.000 That was just laughing.

01:01:03.000 Oh, just the last one!

01:01:04.000 Oh my god.

01:01:06.000 And the budget was $250 million.

01:01:08.000 Wow, so they made three quarters of a mil solid.

01:01:11.000 What is the budget on? 0.97

01:01:13.000 It's not even fucking crazy. 0.98

01:01:14.000 It's cars driving fast. 0.99

01:01:16.000 You got ludicrous.

01:01:17.000 That's going to cost you 50 mil out of the gates.

01:01:19.000 You must have a lot of special effects budget. 1.00

01:01:21.000 That shit's expensive. 0.99

01:01:23.000 You want to launch cars through the air? 1.00

01:01:24.000 The stuff that they do is fucking insane. 0.96

01:01:26.000 I mean, I don't know how much of it's CGI and how much of it they're really doing with cars, but as a person who loves muscle cars, it hurts my heart watching those cars get fucking launched through the air. 0.96

01:01:38.000 There's so many of these!

01:01:40.000 They only made so many 1969 Chargers, right?

01:01:43.000 So they're destroying them.

01:01:44.000 Like the Dukes of Hazzard. 0.99

01:01:45.000 How many fucking chargers did they wreck for the Dukes of Hazzard? 0.98

01:01:50.000 Launching them across a bridge, landing them nose down. 0.99

01:01:53.000 You see the car bend, and they drive away like nothing's happening.

01:01:57.000 Isn't that how Lewis felt about Milo and Otis?

01:01:59.000 Didn't they kill like 15 Milos? 0.66

01:02:01.000 Dude, it's so funny.

01:02:02.000 That movie, do you remember the movie Milo and Otis?

01:02:04.000 Yes.

01:02:05.000 I never saw it, though.

01:02:06.000 Pug Nose Pop, Little Orange Cat. 0.99

01:02:08.000 Fucking great flick, dude. 0.99

01:02:09.000 I gotta be honest with you. 0.99

01:02:10.000 I don't think it holds up.

01:02:11.000 And for the amount of pugs and kittens that died during the making of this film, you have to watch it because otherwise they died in vain. 0.99

01:02:18.000 It was another movie that was made in Japan or China or somewhere in Asia, and they didn't give a fuck. 0.97

01:02:24.000 There was no laws on how you treated cats and dogs in that country. 0.98

01:02:27.000 They didn't care how you treated humans back there.

01:02:29.000 Yeah, dude.

01:02:30.000 So there's like a scene where the dog is fighting off a bear, and this bear...

01:02:35.000 I mean, they must have just went through 30 pugs with this bear scene alone, but there's no confirmed numbers of deaths, but there was like a bunch of kittens.

01:02:43.000 When you watch the movie, you're like, oh man, how did they get that dog to fight with that bear?

01:02:47.000 And it's like, well, we lost like 300 dogs that day.

01:02:49.000 That's how we did it.

01:02:50.000 Jesus Christ, really? 1.00

01:02:51.000 They fucking... 1.00

01:02:52.000 a bunch of them. 1.00

01:02:53.000 There's a scene where he's in the water, like swimming.

01:02:56.000 In the box.

01:02:56.000 Yeah, and they drown.

01:02:57.000 Just drowning.

01:02:58.000 Eight of them right there.

01:02:59.000 How many dogs died?

01:03:01.000 We looked it up one time, I forget.

01:03:03.000 It's a lot.

01:03:03.000 I know Dudley Moore narrated it, though.

01:03:05.000 Eight dogs died?

01:03:06.000 I think it was like eight in that scene.

01:03:08.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:03:09.000 Jesus Christ, that is so crazy. 1.00

01:03:12.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:03:13.000 I'm looking at an elk's head behind you. 1.00

01:03:16.000 Do you know how much more value that elk has than a puppy?

01:03:19.000 Why do we put so much...

01:03:21.000 More value on a puppy's life versus that elk's life.

01:03:24.000 Cause they're cute.

01:03:25.000 They're cute.

01:03:26.000 That's the answer.

01:03:26.000 Cute privilege.

01:03:28.000 But like, you'll swap the shit out of a mosquito. 1.00

01:03:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:31.000 Even vegans.

01:03:32.000 Vegans will swap mosquitoes.

01:03:33.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

01:03:35.000 And they'll kill plants, which are living, right?

01:03:37.000 I only care about humans and dogs. 1.00

01:03:40.000 Elk won't lick peanut butter off your dick. 1.00

01:03:42.000 I like cats too. 1.00

01:03:43.000 I do enjoy cats. 0.99

01:03:45.000 I never liked cats, but then my girlfriend brought her mom's cat to live with us for a little bit and I got attached to that fucking cat. 1.00

01:03:51.000 Fiance. 0.99

01:03:52.000 All the other animals, I love them in the wild.

01:03:55.000 I just love them and their environment.

01:03:57.000 Look, it is a weird thing that we've gotten totally accustomed to, that you could just get out of this studio right now, you could drive 15, 20 minutes over Topanga Canyon, get out of your car, walk 300 yards into the woods, and you're just living with animals eating animals.

01:04:13.000 You are basically in another dimension.

01:04:15.000 There's eagles, and there's not too many eagles, but a lot of hawks that fly around. 0.98

01:04:20.000 They're just constantly looking for some shit to jack. 0.86

01:04:22.000 And if you're there at the right time, you can see it happen. 0.99

01:04:24.000 You can see a coyote snatch a rabbit or, you know, different animals just constantly looking for something else to eat.

01:04:31.000 It's right there.

01:04:32.000 Yeah.

01:04:33.000 We're so removed from it.

01:04:34.000 But we're not, right?

01:04:35.000 Well, you put yourself out there.

01:04:37.000 And that's a big difference between New York and L.A. L.A. is like this city where there's beautiful nature within it.

01:04:42.000 New York's just the city, and then you've got to leave to go to any beautiful nature.

01:04:46.000 So it's almost like you can be...

01:04:47.000 But I mean, just the fact that you go to a grocery store, and my relationship with animals is like, there's a steak.

01:04:52.000 Let me pick it up and buy it. 0.99

01:04:54.000 And it's none of the like, oh, this came from fucking killing a cow. 0.98

01:04:59.000 You ever go to Malibu? 0.99

01:05:00.000 You ever go to Malibu?

01:05:02.000 Yeah.

01:05:02.000 There's places in Malibu that are like ranches.

01:05:06.000 Malibu is really long.

01:05:07.000 I think it's something like 30 something miles of coast. 0.90

01:05:10.000 And along the way, like up in the hill, there's like alpaca farms and shit like that. 0.99

01:05:14.000 And that shit, you could just get in your car and then boom, you're in LA. And then get in your car, boom, you're in the alpaca farm. 0.99

01:05:20.000 That nature you're describing, though, scares the shit. 0.99

01:05:22.000 Like, I'd have to do that with a hamster ball. 0.99

01:05:24.000 Oh, no.

01:05:24.000 They're going to show the dog killed the bear.

01:05:26.000 No, this is the movie, dude.

01:05:27.000 This is from the movie.

01:05:28.000 This is from the movie.

01:05:29.000 But this is...

01:05:30.000 They're actually having that bear kill that dog. 0.96

01:05:32.000 Yeah.

01:05:33.000 That is so crazy.

01:05:34.000 Well, in the movie, the dog fights off the bear.

01:05:36.000 I know, but that's so crazy.

01:05:39.000 That they allowed this.

01:05:39.000 They have to use 12 of them to get through?

01:05:42.000 That is so crazy. 0.94

01:05:43.000 Stunt dog.

01:05:44.000 You assume, like, you're just like, oh man, they must have had the best animal trainers.

01:05:47.000 Like, nope.

01:05:48.000 We threw a dog versus a bear until it worked out.

01:05:50.000 God, that's so crazy. 1.00

01:05:52.000 Imagine what the fucking pugs looked like, too. 1.00

01:05:56.000 After bears just ripped him apart. 1.00

01:06:00.000 My buddy John, John Dudley, saw a bear.

01:06:04.000 He saw a grizzly bear kill a moose with one swat.

01:06:08.000 He said he had never seen anything like it.

01:06:11.000 He was looking through his binos and he saw this bear swat this moose in the back and it just broke its back.

01:06:18.000 And the moose just goes down.

01:06:19.000 A moose!

01:06:21.000 Moose are so big.

01:06:22.000 They're huge.

01:06:22.000 They're so big, man.

01:06:24.000 And he said this grizzly just fucking swatted it, and they saw it happen. 0.99

01:06:29.000 And they're so powerful that swatting it in the back broke its back. 0.99

01:06:34.000 And the thing went down, and then he's just ripping it apart.

01:06:37.000 One of my favorite pranks to play with my friends is I send them a video, and I say, watch this deer.

01:06:45.000 He's got a moose by the neck just dragging it through the woods. 1.00

01:06:48.000 Those fucking animals, dude. 1.00

01:06:51.000 Everyone's looking for monsters. 1.00

01:06:53.000 There's a goddamn monster. 1.00

01:06:55.000 That thing just killed a moose and dragged it through the woods. 1.00

01:06:59.000 Hey.

01:06:59.000 Hey, bear.

01:07:02.000 One of my favorite pranks to plant people is I send them an email and I say, check out this video of this deer beating up this bear.

01:07:10.000 And then there's a famous video of a bear just killing a deer in a backyard.

01:07:14.000 And the deer is making the most awful, horrible sound you'll ever hear in your entire life.

01:07:18.000 Lewis goes, the deer makes a comeback.

01:07:19.000 Wait for it.

01:07:20.000 Yeah, I was like, wait for it.

01:07:21.000 And just gets people to watch the video thing.

01:07:22.000 And they just watched two minutes of this deer being mauled alive with the most horrible sound.

01:07:26.000 And then I just let it go.

01:07:27.000 That's the whole prank. 1.00

01:07:28.000 I was hoping there was like a dude's dick somewhere in there. 0.99

01:07:31.000 To be fair, most of Lewis's pranks do have a dude's dick in it somewhere. 1.00

01:07:35.000 But this one is just bear on deer. 0.99

01:07:38.000 That's how it goes.

01:07:39.000 Bears are different than other animals in that they eat. 1.00

01:07:42.000 A lot of shit. 1.00

01:07:43.000 They eat a lot of berries, eat a lot of plants, and they also eat animals, whatever they get a hold of. 1.00

01:07:48.000 So they don't kill the animal first.

01:07:50.000 They're also real sturdy.

01:07:52.000 They're not like a cat.

01:07:54.000 Like, cats are really powerful, but cats are more flexible and pliable. 1.00

01:07:59.000 A bear's more of just a fucking machine. 0.99

01:08:01.000 A bear's more of like a... 1.00

01:08:02.000 Cats are like Hoist Gracie.

01:08:04.000 A bear's Dan Henderson.

01:08:05.000 He's just coming in there throwing overhand rights.

01:08:08.000 Patting people on the back.

01:08:09.000 Melvin Manhoof, just a powerhouse. 0.98

01:08:11.000 Are you calling Dan Henderson a hairy gay guy? 0.99

01:08:14.000 No, no, no. 0.99

01:08:15.000 It's a different kind of bear, bro.

01:08:17.000 Oh, nature bears.

01:08:19.000 You've got to say nature bears for me.

01:08:20.000 Don't try to get me in trouble with Dan Henderson.

01:08:22.000 I imagine it's more like Brock, because I remember when Frank Mir described Brock on top of him, it was like a car that was slowly moving onto him, and he couldn't push it off.

01:08:29.000 And you're like...

01:08:31.000 Imagine a bear is on you, and you're just sitting there like, dude, it's got my shoulder blade, and it's just gnawing at my shoulder blade, and I know I'm going to die.

01:08:37.000 Nothing you can do. 1.00

01:08:38.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:08:39.000 Do you think the adrenaline would kick in where you wouldn't feel the pain, or do you think it would be the most horrible fucking... 1.00

01:08:44.000 You definitely wouldn't feel it. 0.99

01:08:45.000 You would feel it, it would hurt, but you would be so terrified of death, and you'd be so overwhelmed with all these fucking neurochemicals to be flying through your synapses. 0.97

01:08:57.000 You'd be out of your mind. 0.96

01:08:58.000 You'd feel the pressure that it's happening.

01:09:05.000 There would be so much adrenaline, you'd be in another dimension before you knew it.

01:09:10.000 That's probably the trigger.

01:09:12.000 That seems like the worst way to die.

01:09:13.000 There's a guy who got bit real bad and came back and had a video.

01:09:17.000 He did a selfie and talked about what happened.

01:09:21.000 He was just walking, hiking down a trail, scouting, and he came across a female grizzly and her cubs, which is the worst scenario.

01:09:30.000 A male grizzly doesn't really... 0.99

01:09:31.000 Unless he's really old and it's really late in the season, usually they'll just get the fuck away from you. 1.00

01:09:36.000 But the females will fuck you up. 1.00

01:09:38.000 And this female fucked him up and tore his scalp right off of his skull. 1.00

01:09:42.000 And he had it, like, packed down with a baseball hat. 1.00

01:09:45.000 Like, try to hold it in place.

01:09:48.000 And his arm snapped and he had big bite marks in his arm.

01:09:52.000 But this guy was like a Montana dude.

01:09:55.000 Like, you know, Montana tough.

01:09:56.000 So he's like, well, vitals are intact.

01:09:59.000 My arm might be broken.

01:10:01.000 I don't know what's going on up there, but hey, we're doing alright. 0.99

01:10:04.000 They're like, holy shit. 1.00

01:10:06.000 Some fucking yoga teacher in LA would be like, I can't find my safe space! 1.00

01:10:13.000 I can't find my safe space! 1.00

01:10:15.000 There he is.

01:10:15.000 See, he packed down his head.

01:10:18.000 The grizzly with two cubs, you can barely see, but the right side of his ear, his head is basically...

01:10:26.000 Ripped apart.

01:10:27.000 I'll save my watch though.

01:10:28.000 He put the hat on to make himself like...

01:10:31.000 Oh my Christ! 0.99

01:10:32.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.00

01:10:34.000 Some bitch never got my daddy's watch. 1.00

01:10:36.000 He drove himself to a hospital after walking three miles to his car. 1.00

01:10:40.000 That's a fucking man! 1.00

01:10:41.000 I'll be damned if I'm not going to get the gosh darn best Facebook Live video out of this. 1.00

01:10:46.000 Look at the size of the hole in his head. 0.97

01:10:49.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:10:50.000 Motherfuck. 1.00

01:10:50.000 He's smiling in the picture. 1.00

01:10:52.000 Because he's a fucking Montana dude. 1.00

01:10:53.000 They're different humans. 1.00

01:10:54.000 Do you remember the bear with the karate suit guy and he just fucking... 0.99

01:11:00.000 Knocks out the lady. 1.00

01:11:02.000 In one of your specials you have a joke about that.

01:11:06.000 He remembers that he's the bear. 1.00

01:11:07.000 He just tears this bitch apart. 1.00

01:11:13.000 It's horrible. 1.00

01:11:14.000 And the other guy with the karate uniform is trying to get the bear off of him.

01:11:17.000 He just decided out of nowhere.

01:11:19.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

01:11:20.000 He just decided out of nowhere that he was going to fuck that lady up. 1.00

01:11:23.000 Bubbles? 1.00

01:11:23.000 Bubbles! 1.00

01:11:24.000 Bubbles down. 1.00

01:11:25.000 And nobody feels that bad because you put a fucking party hat on that bear. 1.00

01:11:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:28.000 What are you trying to do, man? 0.99

01:11:29.000 That ain't working.

01:11:31.000 Yeah.

01:11:31.000 That simple as that.

01:11:34.000 I'm scared of animals, dude.

01:11:35.000 Now that I have a kid, too.

01:11:36.000 Look at that.

01:11:36.000 Here it is.

01:11:37.000 This is the video.

01:11:38.000 I am karate.

01:11:40.000 I have bear.

01:11:41.000 Karate and bear.

01:11:43.000 Bear sits down.

01:11:44.000 Oh, this is fun. 1.00

01:11:48.000 Who's this bitch? 1.00

01:11:50.000 Look at the size of the thing. 1.00

01:11:53.000 Look at the power in it when it grabs her.

01:11:56.000 Imagine how terrified she must have been and everyone slapping it. 1.00

01:12:01.000 Bitch slapping it. 1.00

01:12:02.000 The host is even getting in there. 1.00

01:12:03.000 Why would the host get in there? 0.99

01:12:04.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

01:12:06.000 Oh, I forgot to tell you. 0.97

01:12:07.000 How about the dudes wrestling with the bear?

01:12:09.000 That is Russian.

01:12:12.000 Is that good technique?

01:12:13.000 That guy has to be Russian. 1.00

01:12:14.000 Look at the power in his fucking guillotine. 1.00

01:12:16.000 He's almost got the bear. 1.00

01:12:17.000 He's almost got the bear out.

01:12:20.000 Jesus Christ, this is so crazy, and the bear's still holding on to that person.

01:12:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:24.000 The bear's fucking that person up. 0.99

01:12:26.000 Also, not even the hardest day of her life in Russia. 0.99

01:12:27.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:12:28.000 I mean, she must have got fucked up by that bear, dude. 1.00

01:12:32.000 I mean, really fucked up. 1.00

01:12:33.000 The bear didn't use great technique to get out of the guillotine, but he just kind of powered out of it. 0.99

01:12:36.000 The only thing that saved her life is that that bear had a muzzle on.

01:12:40.000 I love that he looks at her like she said something offensive.

01:12:43.000 Boom! 0.99

01:12:44.000 You can't predict.

01:12:46.000 And that's a brown bear.

01:12:47.000 That's similar to a grizzly bear.

01:12:49.000 Probably the Russian version of a brown bear.

01:12:52.000 They have big-ass bears over there. 1.00

01:12:55.000 Yeah, fuck that, dude. 1.00

01:12:56.000 Fuck bears, dude. 1.00

01:12:57.000 I saw a real grizzly bear in the wild. 1.00

01:12:59.000 And it wasn't that far away.

01:13:01.000 It was like 30, 40 yards.

01:13:02.000 And it looked me in the eyes.

01:13:04.000 And I remember thinking, whoa, that's a different look. 0.99

01:13:07.000 He went, holy shit, that's Joe Rogan. 0.97

01:13:08.000 It wasn't even a big one. 0.99

01:13:09.000 It was only like a six-foot-tall grizzly, which is not a big grizzly.

01:13:12.000 But it looked at me like, they look through you.

01:13:15.000 Like, what am I going to do?

01:13:16.000 Am I going to eat you?

01:13:17.000 What am I going to do?

01:13:18.000 Is this safe?

01:13:19.000 Their brain's calculating.

01:13:21.000 Do you have a weapon on you?

01:13:22.000 Or do you have a gun?

01:13:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:24.000 Two shotguns and two bows and arrows.

01:13:26.000 But still, that'd probably take a while to take that thing down.

01:13:28.000 Two shotguns and one bow and arrow.

01:13:29.000 I think a shotgun might take them down.

01:13:31.000 Yeah, yes. 0.59

01:13:33.000 It would take a while.

01:13:34.000 Yeah, it's not that easy.

01:13:36.000 It's a big animal.

01:13:37.000 Even a six-foot one is probably 300 pounds.

01:13:41.000 I mean, it's a big animal.

01:13:43.000 But it's the way they look at you that's different.

01:13:45.000 I've seen black bears in the wild, and they look at you like, what are you?

01:13:48.000 What's going on over here?

01:13:49.000 What's happening?

01:13:51.000 Grizzlies look right through you. 1.00

01:13:52.000 They look right through you.

01:13:53.000 It's a weird look.

01:13:55.000 It's a weird, like, dead look.

01:13:56.000 Like, there's no fear of you at all.

01:13:58.000 Like, hmm, what do I do here?

01:14:00.000 They're just trying to figure out whether or not you're a meal. 1.00

01:14:02.000 Imagine being a 300-pound animal that just has to wander around looking for shit to eat. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Welcome to the life of Big Jay Oakerson. 0.96

01:14:10.000 I was gonna say, I swear to you, I was gonna say, can you please stop describing these wild animals as dimensions I've been in my life? 0.99

01:14:17.000 I mean, this is a fucking crazy bear. 0.99

01:14:19.000 Like, you see this thing coming, run, because it will eat you, a human being. 1.00

01:14:23.000 300 pounds, if you can imagine.

01:14:26.000 That's coming at you, all you can do is put it down. 1.00

01:14:28.000 Put it out of its goddamn misery, I said. 1.00

01:14:30.000 Imagine an animal, 300 pounds, that is hungry. 1.00

01:14:32.000 Imagine it.

01:14:33.000 But no stores. 0.99

01:14:42.000 I was with my friend Jen, she's the guide, and she smacked a fucking tree with this stick. 0.99

01:14:51.000 She picked up this stick and cracked this fucking tree and screamed. 1.00

01:14:55.000 And I screamed, and we cocked our shotguns, and that thing took off. 0.99

01:15:04.000 We saw a couple of them.

01:15:06.000 We saw one of them we think on the side of the road.

01:15:09.000 It's gotta be terrible.

01:15:11.000 I mean, even with the weapons, you're like, it's sort of on still, you know?

01:15:14.000 You don't know how many are out there.

01:15:16.000 You have them out there.

01:15:18.000 They've seen ones way bigger than the ones I've seen.

01:15:21.000 Well, what about people that say this?

01:15:23.000 It's always like the PETA people that are like, well, yeah, if you think you're a real man, how about this?

01:15:26.000 We'll give you a knife, and you go out there, and then you try to hunt a bear. 0.99

01:15:29.000 I always feel like even if you have a gun, it's gonna not be that easy to just go and fucking kill a bear. 1.00

01:15:34.000 But you know why all these people say that shit? 1.00

01:15:36.000 It's because they don't understand what a bear really is. 1.00

01:15:39.000 In their head, they feel like a bear is like some mystical creature who lives in the forest who should be left alone.

01:15:46.000 The problem is you can't just leave them alone because they're so powerful and they're so hungry and they eat so much that if there's nothing that keeps them in check...

01:15:59.000 They're going to just run rampant and destroy all the deer and the moose and all those other things you like to look at as well.

01:16:05.000 They're going to kill all of them. 1.00

01:16:07.000 They're going to kill 50% of them. 1.00

01:16:08.000 You're going to kill all those deer and moose before you can kill them. 0.97

01:16:11.000 Yeah, well, you're also like, you want to keep the populations healthy. 0.73

01:16:16.000 Like, it's...

01:16:16.000 It's very tricky, and humans are supposed to play a part in this.

01:16:22.000 We don't like to think we play a part in it because we can communicate, we discuss things, and we rationalize, we have culture, and those things are all correct.

01:16:31.000 We've always kept predators in check because when they start killing us, that means, oh, we have to do something now and then we kill them.

01:16:39.000 That's always been the case with villages and jaguars and people who live in towns and wolves.

01:16:45.000 It's always been the case.

01:16:46.000 There is a food chain.

01:16:47.000 We're a part of it.

01:16:48.000 We just have insulated ourselves from it with cities so thoroughly that we've forgot about this connection.

01:16:54.000 So all these people that are PETA people, a good percentage of them are living in cities.

01:16:59.000 You're talking about a culture that you don't understand.

01:17:02.000 Talking about a world that you idealize.

01:17:06.000 And when you say, like, we kept the predators in check, like, not nearly as well as we do now.

01:17:10.000 We always tried to do it.

01:17:12.000 And then after thousands of years of this struggle where we fucking got the upper hand and started dominating it, now it's easy to sit in a city and be like, you know, you read your kids these books about nature and it's like the frog made friends with the squirrel and everything's just nice in nature. 1.00

01:17:26.000 We're the assholes. 1.00

01:17:27.000 People are the assholes because we pollute and we do this. 1.00

01:17:30.000 You know what's the real fucking asshole? 1.00

01:17:31.000 It's the state of nature. 1.00

01:17:33.000 Where your fucking kid gets ripped apart by a fucking predator. 1.00

01:17:36.000 That's the shit you don't want to deal with. 1.00

01:17:39.000 Where's that fucking lullaby? 1.00

01:17:41.000 You know what I think the answer is, man? 0.99

01:17:42.000 I think the answer comes in the middle.

01:17:45.000 That people have to realize, like, the real problem on the side of people that eat meat and people that think PETA people are ridiculous is factory farming.

01:17:54.000 That's what's against us.

01:17:55.000 The most horrific evidence is not in PETA's side.

01:17:59.000 I mean, in terms of, like, something that they're accused of.

01:18:03.000 The most horrific evidence by far is coming out of these factory farms.

01:18:06.000 If you had to pick which side, if you look at the two of them, which side makes more sense? 0.99

01:18:11.000 Well, the PETA side makes way more sense than the fucking factory farm people. 1.00

01:18:16.000 Both are extremists. 0.99

01:18:18.000 You see those videos where it's like Auschwitz of cows?

01:18:20.000 Dude, it's horrific.

01:18:23.000 Tattooing numbers into their forearms.

01:18:24.000 Yeah, it's horrific.

01:18:25.000 So I think if the meat-eating population doesn't accept the fact that this is It's not just...

01:18:32.000 It should be impossible.

01:18:35.000 It should be impossible for a civilized, healthy person to accept this as a reality for those animals.

01:18:42.000 So the PETA people are right about that.

01:18:44.000 They just...

01:18:44.000 But the idea that you shouldn't be able to eat any animals, like...

01:18:48.000 I don't agree.

01:18:49.000 Because what are you going to do with all these animals?

01:18:51.000 And the best way, in terms of health, the best way to live is eating animals.

01:18:56.000 Eating animals and vegetables together seems to be the best way to exist.

01:19:01.000 Seems to be.

01:19:02.000 When you look at all these objective scientific studies that talk about nutrients in plants versus nutrients in animal products, it leans very heavily towards a diet that's rich in both of those things.

01:19:14.000 There's almost no people in the world that are fat that eat meat, vegetables, and fruit exclusively.

01:19:20.000 Jay's right here, dude. 1.00

01:19:22.000 This is so fucked up. 1.00

01:19:23.000 I mean, I know you guys are passive-aggressive at home, but can you leave that shit? 1.00

01:19:26.000 I like meat and vegetables and fruits. 1.00

01:19:28.000 Uh-oh.

01:19:28.000 Joe, he's getting angry.

01:19:29.000 Do you have your shotgun right there?

01:19:30.000 I like all those things. 1.00

01:19:32.000 This six-foot son of a bitch is coming right at us. 1.00

01:19:36.000 Jay's angry. 1.00

01:19:37.000 I'm going to bang a stick on a tree. 0.93

01:19:39.000 Guys, start yelling. 0.58

01:19:41.000 Yeah, man.

01:19:42.000 No, but you're right. 1.00

01:19:43.000 And then it's also like there's some weird shit that happens to you when they go on those fucking vegan soy diets. 0.99

01:19:47.000 Like Jamie Kilstein started eating meat again and he's fucking making sense again finally. 0.99

01:19:51.000 Well, he also tasted the wrath of his improper inclinations. 0.98

01:19:57.000 Improper meaning he wasn't being honest.

01:19:59.000 He went along with his ideology because he was terrified of the repercussions of being against the stream.

01:20:06.000 And, you know, he saw, like, I've talked about Jamie a hundred times on this podcast now, after we did a podcast together, because he's a way more normal person now.

01:20:18.000 He's way more rational.

01:20:19.000 Like, when he was in that world, he was frantic, checking his Twitter constantly, like, constantly arguing with people, calling people out on being a bigot or a racist.

01:20:28.000 It's like...

01:20:29.000 You're always trying to get street cred for calling people out. 0.99

01:20:32.000 You're always constantly checking your phone to see what horrible shit they've said back to you and whether or not that stings. 0.99

01:20:37.000 You're always in a battle and you almost get addicted to that. 0.99

01:20:40.000 I quit.

01:20:40.000 I literally stopped using Facebook like six months ago.

01:20:43.000 I just deleted it because it was a lot of that. 1.00

01:20:45.000 I don't really publicly battle as much on Twitter with dummies, but on Facebook I was really getting into it with people for stupid shit. 0.96

01:20:51.000 And I was just like, now that I don't do that at all, just that weird, nasty, whatever vile feeling that that gives you that you live in and you get addicted to, you want to go back to it, it just feels so much better. 0.99

01:21:03.000 And Jamie was definitely a victim of that.

01:21:05.000 But now you talk to him, because I had lunch with him before he even came back.

01:21:09.000 We had lunch in L.A. He almost seemed broken, dude.

01:21:13.000 He definitely seemed like he was beaten down and had been through some real fucking shit. 0.99

01:21:18.000 Well, he lost his whole industry. 0.99

01:21:19.000 I think being a social justice warrior is like...

01:21:22.000 Exhausting.

01:21:23.000 Exhausting.

01:21:23.000 Yeah.

01:21:24.000 You have to be looking...

01:21:25.000 Caring is exhausting, period. 0.99

01:21:28.000 Either side, if you give a fuck that much, it's pretty... 0.98

01:21:32.000 No, I know, but I mean, it really is like when people get angry about... 0.99

01:21:35.000 You know, something like comedy.

01:21:36.000 People get angry about comedy.

01:21:37.000 It's so like, wow, you've had to...

01:21:39.000 You've already through so many layers of things to actually be angry about, and then some other things you shouldn't be angry about to get to comedy.

01:21:45.000 They're almost always not successful or not as successful as they think they should be.

01:21:50.000 Almost always.

01:21:50.000 No one who's successful complains about comedy.

01:21:53.000 No one who's successful is pissed off that Kevin Hart has a fucking $50 million mansion. 0.99

01:21:59.000 No one. 0.99

01:22:00.000 That's a great point.

01:22:00.000 You're absolutely right.

01:22:01.000 It's the people that aren't doing well. 0.99

01:22:03.000 And I think, and just kind of on a similar note, I think no one who's been through real shit in their life gives a fuck about microaggressions. 0.97

01:22:10.000 Like it's literally like a privileged thing and you don't have anything going on. 0.98

01:22:15.000 That you actually are taking this as like a major issue.

01:22:18.000 But you know what it also is?

01:22:19.000 It's evidence that you're in competition with that person, and unnecessarily so, and that you are deeming them to be unworthy of their success, so you're getting angry, and you're lashing out. 0.99

01:22:29.000 And it's entirely because you feel like it's a race, and you're so far behind the race, you're like, fuck that guy, fucking Kevin Hart, or whatever it is. 0.99

01:22:36.000 It's like whoever the fuck the person is that's way ahead of you, instead of just looking at it for what it is. 0.99

01:22:42.000 Wow, that guy works hard. 0.98

01:22:43.000 Well, if you're successful at all, in comedy, you go, oh, this is a really fucking fair thing. 0.83

01:22:48.000 Either way.

01:22:48.000 The guys that have millions and millions of dollars, it's great.

01:22:51.000 If you're successful in comedy.

01:22:53.000 But if you're a guy coming up, it's easy. 0.97

01:22:56.000 I mean, how many times when you were around guys who were just starting out, would they talk crazy shit on some headliner they worked with? 0.97

01:23:01.000 Yeah, man. 0.98

01:23:02.000 You couldn't even follow me, bro.

01:23:04.000 Everybody in this room probably is guilty of doing that as a young comic.

01:23:07.000 Sure, 100%.

01:23:08.000 Oh my God, dude.

01:23:09.000 I did it.

01:23:10.000 Embarrassingly so.

01:23:11.000 I got called on it by... 0.93

01:23:14.000 Keith Robinson, I mean Keith Robinson, I called him to shit talk another comic or say that I, a guy, some booker had called and said he liked me on the show and he kept talking about me and another comic that he liked. 0.80

01:23:26.000 This guy doesn't even do comedy anymore.

01:23:28.000 But he kept acknowledging.

01:23:29.000 He's like, oh, just you and that guy were my two favorites.

01:23:31.000 I liked you two both.

01:23:33.000 And eventually I was like, hey, man, yeah, I just think that guy's terrible.

01:23:36.000 I was like, you keep saying this in the same thing.

01:23:38.000 It's so weird.

01:23:38.000 And I called my friend Keith Robinson to brag.

01:23:42.000 And that brag would almost be like, isn't this funny?

01:23:43.000 He kept saying, I did this. 0.99

01:23:45.000 Very young in comedy and he's like, dude, don't ever fucking do that. 0.92

01:23:48.000 He's like, it's not your job to take money out of someone's pocket or just like slouch them, you know, whatever. 0.99

01:23:55.000 He goes, if they suck that much, people will find out. 0.95

01:23:58.000 Or maybe they'll get better or whatever. 0.99

01:23:59.000 But it's not your job to like...

01:24:03.000 Yeah, you don't even realize it.

01:24:08.000 I did that before, too.

01:24:10.000 You get caught up in what you think is a competition between you and all the other people that are trying to make it.

01:24:18.000 Where you're not miserably broke all the time, or you're in some, at least, path or lane of where you want to go, it does change your appreciation for comedy.

01:24:29.000 It brings it back again.

01:24:30.000 It brings it back again.

01:24:31.000 You can like somebody who's funny who's way younger than you.

01:24:34.000 You can like somebody who's funny who's passing you.

01:24:37.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:24:37.000 It doesn't matter.

01:24:38.000 You can just like...

01:24:39.000 Well, that was the thing that changed to you, Jay.

01:24:40.000 It's like, why them, not me?

01:24:41.000 Why them, not me? 1.00

01:24:42.000 I watch you laughing at Guitar X, where I think when we all came up in New York, there's a thing like, fuck Guitar X with your dumb fucking hacky shit. 1.00

01:24:49.000 And I'm watching you the other way, watching Regan and... 1.00

01:24:51.000 I love Jeremiah, man. 0.98

01:24:53.000 And just laughing your dick off, because you let go after a little while ago, and it's not about your ego, it's about what's going to tickle you. 0.99

01:24:59.000 There's no thought in it. 0.98

01:25:00.000 We've had this conversation a lot, and I said, I think what New York lacks... 0.98

01:25:05.000 That L.A. embraces much more is the silly. 0.98

01:25:08.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:25:09.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:25:10.000 There's not enough silly in New York. 0.94

01:25:13.000 If you do something silly or even pull out a guitar for whatever reason on stage, I think there's not even a chance of like, maybe, wait, this might be like a unique guitar. 0.97

01:25:22.000 If you move around on stage, people...

01:25:24.000 I watched Sebastian Maniscalco in Vegas, and dude, I watched, in that hour, I don't know Sebastian at all, but watching him for that hour, this is like a year ago, was the most I'd learned in comedy in a really, really long time. 0.94

01:25:36.000 He's so physical, and what he does with his body and his eyes, he's making eye contact with almost everybody in the audience, and I was like, holy shit, dude, and he's got to really use that space, and I feel like in New York, if anybody was that physical, people would be like, what's this guy fucking doing?

01:25:49.000 You know, Colin Quinn was saying this at Just for Laughs in 2013. He gave the, like, keynote address. 0.95

01:25:56.000 I have to pee so bad.

01:25:57.000 I'm sorry.

01:25:58.000 You guys talk. 0.99

01:25:58.000 Dude, you're going to come back, and this show's going to be off the fucking rails. 0.99

01:26:02.000 All right, Legion of Skanks takes over the Joe Rogan experience. 0.99

01:26:05.000 All right, Jamie, I need you to pull out this baby raping video. 0.91

01:26:09.000 All right, Jamie, I'm going to need you to start pawning things off in the studio. 0.88

01:26:12.000 Jamie, can you look up pedophilia hot spots?

01:26:16.000 Ah, that's bookmarked.

01:26:20.000 And we really do have Joe Rogan's podcast for about one minute by ourselves, guys.

01:26:23.000 We need to do something with it.

01:26:24.000 Oh, man, I feel like it's going good.

01:26:25.000 What do you guys think? 1.00

01:26:27.000 Black porn. 1.00

01:26:28.000 Just bring it up? 0.99

01:26:29.000 Yeah, just put it all up on YouTube.

01:26:31.000 Oh, remember one of the first episodes?

01:26:35.000 What's that?

01:26:35.000 Which one?

01:26:36.000 Do you remember the name of it, Jay?

01:26:38.000 One of the first episodes of the Legion of Skanks podcast, which is available on GasDigitalNetwork.com.

01:26:42.000 Get your plugs out, guys.

01:26:42.000 Oh, yeah, for subscribers.

01:26:43.000 That's right, guys.

01:26:44.000 Go subscribe to GasDigitalNetwork.com right now.

01:26:46.000 Use the promo code LOS to get a 14-day free trial.

01:26:48.000 You get access to the entire archives, over 350 episodes on demand, whatever you guys want them, in HD, or you can watch live for free on Wednesday nights at 9pm.

01:26:56.000 Skankfest?

01:26:56.000 Skankfest coming up July 14th and 15th, guys.

01:26:58.000 You gotta go.

01:26:59.000 Listen to me.

01:26:59.000 It's a non-stop, two-and-a-half-day comedy party.

01:27:02.000 Everyone that you want to fucking hang out with in comedy is going to be there. 0.97

01:27:05.000 It's no joke. 0.97

01:27:06.000 SkankfestNYC.com, April 2nd, pre-sale.

01:27:08.000 Boom. 1.00

01:27:08.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:27:08.000 Let me do one. 1.00

01:27:09.000 Guys, we gotta end the war in Yemen.

01:27:11.000 Come on, Dave.

01:27:11.000 I thought you were going to do Libertas.

01:27:12.000 I thought you were going to do Libertas. 1.00

01:27:14.000 Libertas you bitch! 1.00

01:27:14.000 I got a comedy special called Libertas. 1.00

01:27:16.000 Go check it out.

01:27:17.000 It was so incredible, guys.

01:27:18.000 Joe Rogan specifically said himself that it's his favorite comedy special he's ever seen.

01:27:21.000 Off air he said that.

01:27:22.000 Don't mention it again when he comes back in the room, but I'm pretty sure he said that.

01:27:25.000 Don't tweet that at him.

01:27:26.000 I'm almost certain that's what he said.

01:27:27.000 Don't say that.

01:27:27.000 I said that specifically.

01:27:28.000 Okay, fair enough.

01:27:29.000 He gave me a look that kind of said that in the look, but he never actually verbalized it.

01:27:33.000 No, but really, go buy Dave's comedy special, Libertas, available right now at GasDigitalNetwork.com.

01:27:38.000 We're not plugging everything in our lives right now.

01:27:39.000 Don't worry.

01:27:40.000 Hey, what's up, man?

01:27:42.000 Hey, Joe!

01:27:43.000 The bears, man.

01:27:44.000 Bears are crazy.

01:27:45.000 Dude, I drank way too much water today.

01:27:47.000 Quite an issue.

01:27:49.000 Water is so hard for me to drink.

01:27:50.000 It's so boring. 0.99

01:27:51.000 I fucking hate it. 1.00

01:27:52.000 It is boring, but it's not boring if you're fucking dying of thirst. 0.99

01:27:56.000 You gotta think, if you were in a desert, and you're just like barely hanging on, your lips are cracked and bleeding, your skin is sore, with sun blisters all over it, and just wandering, and you just see a fucking, one of those, Fiji waters in a bucket of ice. 0.97

01:28:13.000 One of those giant ones. 0.84

01:28:15.000 Those are the nicest ones.

01:28:16.000 Those big ones.

01:28:17.000 Thank God I brought a crystal light packet.

01:28:19.000 He's chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga. 1.00

01:28:22.000 I got some emergency. 1.00

01:28:25.000 I'm trying to dance this bitch up. 1.00

01:28:27.000 It's like ascorbic acid. 0.99

01:28:29.000 Thank God I keep Kool-Aid in my go bag. 0.99

01:28:32.000 Dude, I had Kool-Aid like a couple of weeks ago for the first time in fucking 20 years or some shit. 0.99

01:28:39.000 When was the last time I had Kool-Aid before that? 0.99

01:28:41.000 But I was at this barbecue place and it was so good.

01:28:43.000 I had to go with the Kool-Aid.

01:28:44.000 Was it great? 1.00

01:28:45.000 Fuck, it was amazing. 1.00

01:28:46.000 That's sort of racist for a drink to offer at a barbecue place. 1.00

01:28:49.000 No, it was a black owned business.

01:28:51.000 Yeah.

01:28:52.000 It wasn't ironic.

01:28:54.000 They weren't serious about this.

01:28:55.000 They were serious about it.

01:28:56.000 It was in Fresno.

01:28:58.000 You gotta be careful because you see it on the menu and you go, do you guys have Kool-Aid?

01:29:01.000 And I was like, yeah.

01:29:04.000 Kool-Aid was like the first drink. 0.98

01:29:06.000 It's like, yeah, all that other bullshit, like Pepsi and root beer, if you're really interested. 0.99

01:29:09.000 But if you want Kool-Aid, you want to do this shit right. 1.00

01:29:12.000 You're going to eat oxtails? 0.99

01:29:13.000 Might as well have some Kool-Aid.

01:29:15.000 I was never a Kool-Aid guy, and I was poor. 0.94

01:29:17.000 We were always like a shitty iced tea, like scoopable sugary iced tea into the water. 0.97

01:29:21.000 Hell yeah. 1.00

01:29:21.000 I remember that shit. 1.00

01:29:22.000 We used to do a lot of that in my home, the lemonade and the iced tea. 0.99

01:29:25.000 Real iced tea makes no sense to me.

01:29:28.000 Yeah.

01:29:30.000 Unsweetened iced tea?

01:29:31.000 I don't even know.

01:29:31.000 I'm like, what?

01:29:33.000 Just like cold tea?

01:29:34.000 Just cold, hot water?

01:29:37.000 I see the tea bags and I'm like, you left garbage in this iced tea.

01:29:40.000 I drink unsweetened iced tea all the time.

01:29:43.000 I hate it.

01:29:44.000 It's like vegetable water.

01:29:45.000 There's some phytonutrients in it, apparently.

01:29:47.000 I'd rather drink water than iced tea.

01:29:49.000 Miniscule amounts.

01:29:49.000 Yeah.

01:29:50.000 Than real iced tea.

01:29:51.000 Water's good, man.

01:29:52.000 Maybe just drink a little sparkling water.

01:29:53.000 Mix it up. 1.00

01:29:54.000 Get a little fucking Pellegrino in your system. 1.00

01:29:57.000 Pop, pop, pop. 1.00

01:29:57.000 We have the caramel syrup in it there. 1.00

01:29:59.000 No, no.

01:30:00.000 I can't do that.

01:30:01.000 Delish. 0.99

01:30:01.000 That's what fucks you up. 0.99

01:30:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:03.000 What's the problem?

01:30:04.000 Water.

01:30:04.000 Or whiskey.

01:30:05.000 Either way.

01:30:05.000 Yeah.

01:30:06.000 What's a cheat day for Joe Rogan? 1.00

01:30:08.000 I'm telling you right now, the best shape I was ever in my entire life, dude, I was drinking Diet Coke like a motherfucker. 0.99

01:30:12.000 I had abs. 0.99

01:30:13.000 And I'm sure my body on the inside is a goddamn nightmare. 0.98

01:30:17.000 But I was drinking like an insane amount of diet soda. 0.99

01:30:21.000 It was a problem.

01:30:22.000 Really?

01:30:22.000 That was how to hydrate.

01:30:23.000 They say that shit fucks you up in so many different ways. 1.00

01:30:26.000 And one of the ways it does is that all those chemicals in there are fucking terrible for your gut flora. 1.00

01:30:31.000 Like even sugar is bad for your gut flora if you drink regular Coke. 0.97

01:30:35.000 But apparently if you drink Diet Coke...

01:30:37.000 My gut floor is pretty dope, though.

01:30:38.000 You say, so you say.

01:30:41.000 You don't know anything about my gut floor, Joe Rogan.

01:30:43.000 I'm always suspicious of people who are bragging about their gut floor.

01:30:46.000 I'm like, yeah, right, I bet, bro.

01:30:49.000 You can't prove it here.

01:30:49.000 My uncle is a straight-up psychic, bro.

01:30:52.000 I'm telling you.

01:30:53.000 Dude's a mind reader.

01:30:54.000 You don't have any secrets from him, bro.

01:30:56.000 He looks into your eyes and sees windows.

01:31:02.000 Yeah, he's got a neon sign in front of his house and everything.

01:31:05.000 It's always the guy who's bragging the most. 0.94

01:31:08.000 You got some farty-ass gut flora. 0.99

01:31:11.000 What the fuck is gut flora? 0.99

01:31:13.000 You don't know what that is, for real? 0.99

01:31:14.000 Are you kidding?

01:31:15.000 Yeah.

01:31:16.000 You think I know what gut flora is?

01:31:19.000 Your stomach has living organisms in it.

01:31:23.000 Hold on, I'm sorry. 0.99

01:31:24.000 Don't act like you guys fucking know what gut flora is. 0.98

01:31:26.000 I'm not sure he knows what gut flora is. 0.99

01:31:27.000 I was going to explain it, but Joe got it first.

01:31:28.000 He has no idea what gut flora is.

01:31:30.000 He absolutely does.

01:31:31.000 I'll let Joe do it.

01:31:32.000 It's his show.

01:31:33.000 Go ahead, please, Jay.

01:31:35.000 The things in the linings, the floras.

01:31:37.000 Yes.

01:31:38.000 Floras, am I pronouncing it right?

01:31:40.000 Yes.

01:31:40.000 My pronouncing might be off.

01:31:42.000 Flora.

01:31:42.000 It's actual life forms.

01:31:43.000 There's more E. coli in your gut than there have ever been people ever.

01:31:48.000 That's a fact.

01:31:49.000 Always.

01:31:49.000 Your gut.

01:31:50.000 Your gut, son.

01:31:52.000 Your guts have that.

01:31:54.000 We're an ecosystem.

01:31:56.000 Every human being is an ecosystem.

01:31:58.000 We're not a one thing.

01:32:00.000 You cannot exist without the bacteria in your system, without what's on your skin protecting you from other invading bacteria.

01:32:06.000 We're in a sea of life forms that are We're floating through the air.

01:32:10.000 That's how you get sick.

01:32:12.000 If you touch things and you touch your face, you're literally taking life forms into your body that want to go to war with your immune system.

01:32:17.000 Somewhere deep there when you're getting a rash, there's just some dude arguing with his chick.

01:32:22.000 He's like, get off my back already!

01:32:24.000 And he's leaving and you're like, that's a rash.

01:32:25.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:32:26.000 They had a fucking gang fight in the middle of your face and it became a zit. 1.00

01:32:30.000 That's where cancer comes from. 1.00

01:32:31.000 I've said this for the longest time.

01:32:32.000 That's where cancer comes from. 1.00

01:32:33.000 You put shit in your body that's not supposed to be there. 1.00

01:32:35.000 And when they... 1.00

01:32:36.000 What's his name?

01:32:37.000 Said he got mouth cancer from being now...

01:32:38.000 Michael Douglas.

01:32:40.000 Yeah, dude.

01:32:40.000 I'm telling you right now, we're not supposed to...

01:32:41.000 He didn't get it from her. 1.00

01:32:42.000 Well, he said that he got it from eating a lot of pussy. 1.00

01:32:44.000 First of all, he said he didn't really say that and that people have distorted what he originally said. 1.00

01:32:49.000 Well, because he was talking like this.

01:32:51.000 He would be like the first guy ever. 1.00

01:32:53.000 Imagine if it was Michael Douglas who was the first guy ever to get mouth cancer from eating pussy. 1.00

01:32:57.000 He'd be like, whoa. 1.00

01:32:58.000 I think that's a real thing, dude.

01:32:59.000 But it's the best reason to give for having mouth cancer.

01:33:02.000 Like, how'd you get that mouth cancer?

01:33:03.000 The most badass way.

01:33:04.000 Just eating tons of pot. 1.00

01:33:04.000 Eating Catherine Zeta Jones pussy like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:33:09.000 Remember that entrapment trailer? 1.00

01:33:10.000 I sucked it right out of that pussy. 1.00

01:33:11.000 She squirted cancer all over my face. 1.00

01:33:14.000 Hot. 0.96

01:33:15.000 In the mouth, like right down the hatch. 0.98

01:33:17.000 Like a carnival clown mouth. 0.94

01:33:20.000 Listen, I go to that doctor once every six weeks and go, grind off what's in there. 0.97

01:33:23.000 Go ahead.

01:33:25.000 We're getting back to work in the morning.

01:33:28.000 Sand me down. 1.00

01:33:29.000 Why don't you give me a lidocaine gargle to smooth that bitch down? 1.00

01:33:34.000 Is there a football player that wants to always play? 0.99

01:33:36.000 Give me a quarter zone shot in this thing. 0.99

01:33:38.000 I got an 11 at home crawling off the walls. 1.00

01:33:41.000 This bitch is crazy and she's hot as the sun, so I'm going back to work. 1.00

01:33:45.000 She wants. 1.00

01:33:46.000 That pussy. 1.00

01:33:48.000 Sucked. 1.00

01:33:49.000 Sucked. 1.00

01:33:50.000 Your doctor's got to go to Michael Douglas and be like, listen. 0.97

01:33:53.000 He says no because without warning, wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV, which actually comes from cunnilingus.

01:34:02.000 That's right.

01:34:02.000 Amongst other things.

01:34:04.000 But he took it back.

01:34:06.000 He said, don't worry if stress caused by my son's incarceration didn't help trigger it, but yeah, it's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. 1.00

01:34:18.000 I'm telling you, dude, you're not supposed to put our dicks and our pussies in each other's mouths. 1.00

01:34:22.000 Shut your mouth! 1.00

01:34:24.000 Shut your mouth, fun killer! 1.00

01:34:25.000 This is too large of a platform. 1.00

01:34:27.000 Dougie, every time I'm 69ing with my chick, I'm like, we're just fucking giving each other cancer right now. 0.97

01:34:31.000 And it makes me a little bit harder. 1.00

01:34:33.000 Do you think we have, like, a cancer doctor who has to talk to you like he's smoking cigarettes and be like, Lewis, if you're going to keep eating pussy, I can't see you anymore. 1.00

01:34:39.000 That's probably exactly what it's going to be one day. 1.00

01:34:41.000 I just pet-kissed their clit the whole time. 1.00

01:34:44.000 That's a good move. 1.00

01:34:45.000 See, the thing is, now they have a vaccine.

01:34:47.000 So now you get that HPV vaccine, you never have to worry about it.

01:34:50.000 Good to go.

01:34:51.000 Dudes too?

01:34:52.000 Yep.

01:34:53.000 Dudes and girls.

01:34:54.000 Oh, man.

01:34:54.000 It's a vaccine, but it's a risky one.

01:34:58.000 There's some side effects.

01:34:59.000 And some people have had, depending on your biology, some people have pretty extreme side effects, apparently.

01:35:04.000 People have gotten really sick from that HPV vaccine.

01:35:08.000 That happens with almost all the vaccines, though.

01:35:10.000 Certain people get really sick.

01:35:11.000 Some of them, yeah.

01:35:12.000 I mean, this is the problem with this whole anti-vax movement.

01:35:15.000 They don't understand the nuanced details of what it means to take an entire population of 300 million people and try to figure out a vaccine that's going to protect them from disease.

01:35:30.000 It's not going to work on everybody.

01:35:32.000 There's going to be people that don't jive with it.

01:35:34.000 There's going to be people that are allergic to some of the stuff that's in it.

01:35:36.000 There's going to be people that have weird biological reactions.

01:35:39.000 These are the outliers. 0.85

01:35:41.000 And you have to be willing to accept a certain amount of outliers, unfortunately, if you want to protect people from polio and all these different fucking crazy diseases that they've really got a good grip on. 0.94

01:35:52.000 Measles up until recently. 0.92

01:35:53.000 Measles, they had it locked down.

01:35:55.000 Nobody was getting measles anymore. 0.99

01:35:56.000 But all these fucking hippies decided not to vaccinate their kids, and now measles are coming back because they're worried about autism. 0.99

01:36:02.000 But at the same time, dads are getting older and older. 1.00

01:36:05.000 These 54-year-old dudes are having babies.

01:36:07.000 And you're like, hey, man, this is way more of your problem than probably most vaccinations.

01:36:15.000 Who knows what old sperm makes? 1.00

01:36:18.000 Kids with left hands? 0.99

01:36:20.000 But, dude, vaccinations have fucked people up, too. 0.72

01:36:22.000 It's like both things are true. 0.84

01:36:24.000 Like, vaccinations are very important.

01:36:26.000 It's the numbers.

01:36:26.000 You have to look at it and go, all right, dude.

01:36:30.000 But there's also been real extensive research to disprove the idea that the vaccinations are the reason for the autism rise.

01:36:37.000 But I can understand in just a human instinctual way.

01:36:40.000 Imagine you have a baby.

01:36:42.000 You get your baby vaccinated.

01:36:44.000 Nothing goes more against your instincts than to give your baby to a stranger and let them prick you.

01:36:50.000 Everything in you.

01:36:51.000 He was telling you, this is a bad idea, and then your kid's sick over the next year. 0.99

01:36:55.000 I think it's very easy, just psychologically, to be like, well, that's what fucking happened. 0.98

01:36:59.000 When I gave him to that guy and he fucking pricked him, that's what ruined it. 0.99

01:37:01.000 It's the reason my son isn't circumcised, because he was born at 3 in the morning, and they were going to do it the next day. 0.99

01:37:06.000 And when I brought, I had held him, and I loved him, I looked at him in the face.

01:37:10.000 If they were going to do it right away, I'd take him, I'd cut him. 1.00

01:37:11.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:37:12.000 I don't want him to have a weird dick. 1.00

01:37:13.000 But now... 1.00

01:37:14.000 He's got a pointy head anyway.

01:37:15.000 Take it back.

01:37:19.000 She must have squeezed at the beginning too hard. 1.00

01:37:23.000 She fucked the kid's head up. 1.00

01:37:24.000 Look at the top of his head. 1.00

01:37:26.000 She fucked it up with your squeezy pussy. 1.00

01:37:28.000 All you want to do with that pussy, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. 1.00

01:37:31.000 Even with my son's fucking head. 1.00

01:37:33.000 You can't help it, you whore. 1.00

01:37:35.000 You gotta squeeze it tight. 1.00

01:37:37.000 I got this fucking ramp head hanging out. 0.99

01:37:40.000 Dude, they came back the next day. 0.99

01:37:41.000 They were like, all right, we're gonna take him now.

01:37:42.000 I mean, I had... 0.96

01:37:43.000 I mean, I had fucking hung out with him. 0.98

01:37:45.000 He was my son. 0.97

01:37:46.000 I loved him at that point so much.

01:37:48.000 You must have taken him to a strip club already. 1.00

01:37:49.000 And my chick had also implanted in my mind all of these baby circumcision videos where she made me watch. 1.00

01:37:54.000 And it's a fucked up thing, dude. 0.99

01:37:56.000 Good for her. 1.00

01:37:56.000 It's terrible. 1.00

01:37:57.000 It's a barbaric practice that people only do because it was done to them and because you feel like it's part of tradition.

01:38:03.000 I agree. 0.99

01:38:04.000 They have these bullshit stories about, like, oh, help, HIV test. 1.00

01:38:07.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:38:08.000 You're not getting less or more HIV. They did a study in Africa where they took a few hundred people in a fucking straight up place in Africa where it was like one out of every four people had AIDS. And they proved that circumcising them was stopping the transmission of AIDS because there's not as many breaks in the foreskin, 1.00

01:38:24.000 so it's not as easy to transmit the disease.

01:38:27.000 But we were talking about a third world country where they're not cleaning their bodies. 0.99

01:38:30.000 We don't live in that same type of poverty or fucked up disease. 0.99

01:38:34.000 Yeah, if you look at any of the justifications for circumcision, they're all super weak. 0.97

01:38:38.000 Like, none of them actually get... 0.94

01:38:40.000 You know, they'll say these things where it's like, well, you can't get cancer in your foreskin or something like that, and you're like, yeah, and if you just lopped off chicks' breasts, they can't get breast cancer, but we're still not gonna just preemptively be like, let's just fucking start castrating people. 0.98

01:38:54.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:38:55.000 I gotta tell you. 1.00

01:38:56.000 It changes the sensitivity of your dick. 1.00

01:38:58.000 Your dick's supposed to be slippery at the top. 1.00

01:39:00.000 Meanwhile, you pull that foreskin away, it just dries up like an old piece of gum. 1.00

01:39:06.000 It's not supposed to be like that. 0.99

01:39:08.000 We've literally changed what dicks feel like when they go into people's bodies. 1.00

01:39:11.000 It is gross when you describe an uncircumcised dick as self-lubricating. 1.00

01:39:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:16.000 That's what it is.

01:39:17.000 That's how they got the business done back in the day. 0.99

01:39:19.000 The way my dick hangs soft, I would hate having foreskin. 0.99

01:39:26.000 I think you'd get over it. 1.00

01:39:28.000 Who would you rather that or no dick? 1.00

01:39:30.000 That or no dick? 1.00

01:39:32.000 Get new foreskin back or no dick? 1.00

01:39:34.000 Of course, yeah. 1.00

01:39:34.000 Right, so just let it go. 1.00

01:39:38.000 That's real two extreme ends of the rainbow.

01:39:40.000 That's how I live, bro.

01:39:41.000 I'm Mr. Extreme.

01:39:42.000 But I still don't know if I'd take it back. 0.97

01:39:43.000 I don't know if I can go back now and just say, alright, would I just take my, if a genie came out, the gayest genie on earth came out and said, You have one wish, and it's just about your foreskin. 0.99

01:39:52.000 But they're pretty specific wishes, bitch. 1.00

01:39:54.000 Put it back. 0.99

01:39:55.000 Let's see what's up. 1.00

01:39:56.000 You can always get cut again if you're a crazy asshole. 1.00

01:39:59.000 At least then it would be your decision. 1.00

01:40:02.000 Reconstructive surgery they have for it, too. 1.00

01:40:03.000 Bullshit. 0.99

01:40:04.000 I've seen what they do. 1.00

01:40:05.000 They take clothespins and they pull your dick apart. 1.00

01:40:07.000 It's so true. 1.00

01:40:09.000 They stretch the skin out around your dick and it becomes kind of like a foreskin, but like a turtleneck foreskin. 0.99

01:40:15.000 Instead of being one piece of meat, it's like a double piece of meat rolled up. 0.99

01:40:19.000 Yeah, it's like a big floppy hood, like Ghostface Killer.

01:40:22.000 It's like when Webster was hanging in his closet to try to make himself taller. 0.99

01:40:25.000 All the grosser shit about foreskin is accentuated by the fact that it's a double. 1.00

01:40:31.000 It's essentially like the whole skin of the dick has to go over the top of the dick. 1.00

01:40:36.000 It's outrageous. 1.00

01:40:37.000 Yeah, they did a pen and teller bullshit about that. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Those people are crazy. 1.00

01:40:41.000 They're so into it.

01:40:42.000 But here's the thing we should do, and congratulations to you for doing that.

01:40:46.000 Don't circumcise your kids anymore. 0.70

01:40:47.000 It's crazy.

01:40:48.000 You've got to stop something. 0.99

01:40:49.000 It's really weird and fucked up. 0.98

01:40:50.000 It's dangerous. 1.00

01:40:51.000 It's not 100% dangerous, but it might be one out of a thousand kids get some sort of an infection and they could lose their dick. 0.99

01:40:57.000 That happens to kids. 0.99

01:40:58.000 And then they do sexual reassignment surgery. 1.00

01:41:01.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:41:02.000 That's a regular thing. 1.00

01:41:03.000 When it happens, they fuck up their dicks to circumcision, they get the infection, and then they say, alright, well now you can have a baby with no dick and have it be a boy, or we can sexually reassign it to be a girl. 1.00

01:41:13.000 And kids find out years later that they were born a boy, and that's why that happened. 1.00

01:41:18.000 There's actually a famous case.

01:41:19.000 There's a famous case about that where they did a botched circumcision. 0.99

01:41:22.000 The kid's penis was removed and then they decided to give him a sexual reassignment and everyone was fucking terrified of it. 0.99

01:41:29.000 It didn't work. 0.99

01:41:30.000 The kid became massively, massively depressed and then wound up committing suicide as an adult and just felt robbed of reality, you know?

01:41:40.000 By what? 1.00

01:41:41.000 By some crazy, stupid, avoidable ritual where you're going to cut baby dicks because you think it looks better? 1.00

01:41:48.000 And in the best case scenario, even when all that shit doesn't happen, you're torturing a baby. 1.00

01:41:52.000 I mean, how else could you describe it? 0.99

01:41:54.000 You're not using Novocaine.

01:41:55.000 You're not numbing this at all.

01:41:57.000 But if you ever had a surgery like that and they were like, oh, we're just going to put some local anesthetic.

01:42:03.000 No one does that.

01:42:03.000 Must sting so bad.

01:42:05.000 You're so sensitive.

01:42:06.000 You don't even know what pain is.

01:42:07.000 You're a little tiny, one-day-old person. 1.00

01:42:09.000 Someone's cutting your dick already. 1.00

01:42:11.000 Like, what kind of a world have I been fucking immersed in? 1.00

01:42:13.000 What it does to you in that moment where you're like, we don't know the type of psychological damage that that causes in that moment. 0.99

01:42:34.000 Yeah, you make Jewish people. 1.00

01:42:37.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:42:37.000 And we start all the wars. 0.96

01:42:39.000 So there you go. 0.98

01:42:40.000 They decide to fucking really get good at finance and the diamond business. 0.97

01:42:44.000 She goes, oh God, oh God, it's all good. 0.98

01:42:47.000 They were like one of the first people to be circumcised.

01:42:50.000 It's like if Jewish people you always assume were circumcised, right? 0.98

01:42:53.000 Yeah.

01:42:53.000 Like why is that?

01:42:55.000 It's just part of the thing.

01:42:57.000 But no one really knows any reason.

01:42:58.000 They're always trying to save a little?

01:42:59.000 You know what?

01:43:04.000 You know what's the most horrific?

01:43:05.000 You ever watch the circumcision rituals they do in Africa? 0.99

01:43:07.000 Yeah, I've seen a few. 0.99

01:43:09.000 Oh my god, there's a video of this dude just standing there, standing there, balls-ass naked, and the guy comes over, grabs his dick, grabs with one swipe of the blade, takes off the foreskin, pulls on his dick, and slices away, and yanks it off, and the guy stands there, completely stone-faced, 0.99

01:43:25.000 doesn't react, and that's like part of the ritual. 0.99

01:43:27.000 Dana White walks in, so you want to be an ultimate fighter. 0.55

01:43:30.000 No! 1.00

01:43:31.000 His dick is bleeding, and he's just standing there. 0.99

01:43:34.000 He's not looking at it, and it's not a good circumcision cut either. 1.00

01:43:36.000 It's totally fucked. 0.99

01:43:37.000 It's like peeling an orange, right? 1.00

01:43:39.000 You're never going to get a straight line. 1.00

01:43:42.000 I mean, it's really what it looks like to this poor guy's dick. 0.99

01:43:46.000 It's so... 0.99

01:43:47.000 Have you seen it, Jamie?

01:43:48.000 Do you know the video?

01:43:50.000 I have it.

01:43:51.000 I have it saved in my phone. 0.99

01:43:52.000 And there's a Jewish ceremony where the rabbi, doesn't the rabbi, like suck blood or something off the dick? 0.99

01:43:58.000 Yeah, like every, it's not that every Jew doesn't do that, but there's like some group of Jews. 1.00

01:44:02.000 You didn't get your dick sucked by a rabbi. 1.00

01:44:04.000 I might have. 1.00

01:44:06.000 Heavy duty, baby sick, dick sucking cult version. 0.99

01:44:09.000 I brought this up years ago on the show, and I'm the only person doing any research on our show. 1.00

01:44:14.000 I may seem like I'm the dumbest one, but I promise you right now. 1.00

01:44:17.000 You're the most prepared dumbest one. 1.00

01:44:18.000 I'm the one doing the research. 1.00

01:44:19.000 I brought this up and everyone looked at me like I'm an asshole. 1.00

01:44:21.000 And I'm like, no, I swear to God, rabbis are out there sucking babies' dicks. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:24.000 And you guys were, you know. 1.00

01:44:25.000 There's videos of them justifying it.

01:44:27.000 It's a really crazy thing because they had to, there was some serious problems with it, oddly enough, because of herpes.

01:44:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:35.000 Because babies were getting herpes and dying from herpes, from rabbis sucking their dick after they performed this circumcision. 1.00

01:44:41.000 And apparently, in some versions of Judaism, it's a part of the ritual. 0.99

01:44:46.000 And this guy was explaining it, like in Yiddish, and he was explaining all the different things that, what's important, that the rabbi or the, who have the moel, performs this, I think he said it like tetitzi.

01:44:59.000 He had like a word for it. 0.99

01:45:00.000 You have to cut the balls. 1.00

01:45:01.000 He says a nice old word for sucking baby dicks you just cut. 1.00

01:45:06.000 I mean, it's so... 1.00

01:45:08.000 Only in religion would you be able to have a YouTube video where you're dressed like a wizard talking about sucking baby dicks that you just cut. 1.00

01:45:15.000 And, well, this is a part of our tradition. 1.00

01:45:17.000 But do you think it's sinister?

01:45:18.000 Making an argument. 0.99

01:45:19.000 Like, you're not just in some fucking, like, dress and, like, singing some song. 0.98

01:45:24.000 You're actually going, like, well, this is why we have to do this. 0.97

01:45:26.000 Have you seen it?

01:45:26.000 Have you ever seen it?

01:45:27.000 Do you think it's definitely sinister? 0.99

01:45:29.000 No, it's retarded. 1.00

01:45:30.000 It's fucking stupid. 1.00

01:45:32.000 And they're stuck in it, and someone did it to him, and someone did it to his dad, and they feel like they're a part of this clan. 1.00

01:45:38.000 It's fucking stupid. 1.00

01:45:39.000 And you feel like if you were to give up on that, you're giving up on your dad, your family, everything's a lie. 1.00

01:45:43.000 So you gotta just blindly believe that this is what you do.

01:45:46.000 It retards progress. 1.00

01:45:48.000 It retards progress. 1.00

01:45:50.000 It literally is retarded in that sense. 0.97

01:45:53.000 Forget about the derogatory term you use for people. 0.98

01:45:56.000 It's a retarded idea. 1.00

01:45:58.000 It retards logic. 1.00

01:46:00.000 You're cutting a baby dick and sucking on it. 1.00

01:46:03.000 Then you're making a YouTube video saying, well, but when we thought the world was flat, this is how we did it. 1.00

01:46:08.000 We still do it this way, and we like to cut it, and we like to suck it. 0.98

01:46:12.000 And we have a name for it. 1.00

01:46:13.000 There's a noise that I make with my mouth that's different than sucking cut baby dicks. 1.00

01:46:24.000 Yeah, I mean it was crazy that someone could sit around and justify doing some shit to a baby's dick just because they've always done it. 1.00

01:46:32.000 But to have Jackie Mason do it like that. 1.00

01:46:40.000 It's just a little too big.

01:46:41.000 I gotta cut it off. 0.99

01:46:42.000 Look, I mean, as if it's any better to cut it and not suck it. 0.99

01:46:45.000 Like, at least maybe it feels better for the kid. 1.00

01:46:47.000 Honestly, if you really want to cut his dick, give the kid a blowjob. 1.00

01:46:49.000 From a physical standpoint, you would definitely want somebody to suck your dick after you got a cut. 1.00

01:46:53.000 But what kind of a person just sucks baby dicks all the time? 1.00

01:46:57.000 Like, how many baby dicks? 1.00

01:46:57.000 You took an average rabbi that's done this, or moel. 1.00

01:47:00.000 Was it a moel?

01:47:01.000 Moel.

01:47:02.000 Moel.

01:47:02.000 More, what is Moelle?

01:47:04.000 Is that like a shoe company or something?

01:47:06.000 It's close to Moelle. 1.00

01:47:07.000 But these, how many baby dicks in a lifetime, in a strong career, a 35-year career, working for this synagogue, how many baby dicks have you sucked? 1.00

01:47:14.000 Did he go to college? 1.00

01:47:15.000 He's putting up numbers.

01:47:16.000 Can you imagine?

01:47:17.000 Did he go to college in Arizona or anything?

01:47:19.000 Does that matter? 0.99

01:47:20.000 He's got a particularly slutty rabbit. 0.99

01:47:22.000 Could you imagine if he looked? 0.99

01:47:23.000 He's got to testify like a Nazi in Nuremberg. 0.83

01:47:25.000 He goes, I was following orders.

01:47:26.000 Imagine if there was a website, and you just see, it just scrolled.

01:47:31.000 You know that bar on the right side?

01:47:32.000 The dot was really tiny, so you knew there was a lot of scrolling to do. 0.99

01:47:36.000 It's all the baby dicks he sucked over the years. 0.96

01:47:40.000 I kept an album. 1.00

01:47:41.000 Well, there was a guy.

01:47:43.000 He told me it was the best.

01:47:43.000 Check out my Instagram page.

01:47:45.000 I suck it. 1.00

01:47:46.000 I spit it. 1.00

01:47:47.000 No!

01:47:48.000 Jamie!

01:47:49.000 Jamie, do not show us that! 1.00

01:47:51.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:47:52.000 Boner check. 1.00

01:47:53.000 How's that online?

01:47:54.000 Is that on YouTube? 0.99

01:47:55.000 Is he about to suck it? 1.00

01:47:56.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:47:57.000 And there's blood everywhere. 1.00

01:47:58.000 They cut it, there's blood everywhere, and the baby's screaming, and the guy sucks the baby's dick. 1.00

01:48:03.000 Congratulations. 1.00

01:48:04.000 You're an idiot. 1.00

01:48:06.000 It is a nice story for cutting your dick, though. 1.00

01:48:09.000 This is one of those things. 1.00

01:48:10.000 That because it's a part of a religion, people get mad if you take it down. 0.99

01:48:14.000 People get mad if you shit on it. 1.00

01:48:19.000 There's no clear indication that your religion has gone completely off the track, that if you're cutting baby dicks and then sucking them. 1.00

01:48:25.000 Anybody in their right mind, outside of that religion, saying, what are you going to do today, Charlie? 1.00

01:48:29.000 I'm thinking about cutting baby dicks and sucking them. 1.00

01:48:32.000 What?! 1.00

01:48:32.000 You're calling the FBI and the CIA? Yeah. 1.00

01:48:35.000 Here's what's fucked up. 0.95

01:48:36.000 That's on YouTube. 1.00

01:48:37.000 Now, look, yeah, there's a lot of Jewish people that are watching their families, babies, getting their dicks cut and then sucked. 1.00

01:48:42.000 But then there's also a whole sect of pedophile vampires that are watching that and just beating off to it all day long. 1.00

01:48:48.000 Dude, some fucking guy taught his dog to Heil Hitler and he's looking at jail time. 1.00

01:48:53.000 But you could suck a baby's dick on YouTube and your fucking video would just go up. 1.00

01:48:58.000 Yes, thank you. 1.00

01:48:58.000 I want to suck baby dicks, but I don't want to go to jail. 1.00

01:49:01.000 I'll become a rabbi. 1.00

01:49:03.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1.00

01:49:05.000 Yeah, if you were a pedophile. 0.96

01:49:06.000 Oh, Jamie, get that down. 0.95

01:49:08.000 I'm just showing you there's a bunch of them. 1.00

01:49:09.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:49:10.000 There's hundreds of them. 1.00

01:49:11.000 Yeah, they're just all over them. 1.00

01:49:12.000 Hundreds of guys sucking baby dicks. 1.00

01:49:15.000 Wow. 1.00

01:49:15.000 And it's 2018. This is not a... 1.00

01:49:20.000 Not according to Jewish religion. 0.95

01:49:21.000 We're not living in the barbarian times. 1.00

01:49:24.000 But today, people are cutting and sucking baby dicks. 1.00

01:49:27.000 How about genital mutilation? 1.00

01:49:30.000 How much is that? 0.83

01:49:33.000 Put me down for two, please.

01:49:34.000 Can't say that anymore, man.

01:49:36.000 Yes, you can.

01:49:37.000 You can make a joke.

01:49:38.000 No, no, no.

01:49:38.000 It's March.

01:49:38.000 Oh, wait.

01:49:39.000 It's a female... 1.00

01:49:40.000 As of April, it's off. 0.76

01:49:42.000 Anti-female genital mutilation month.

01:49:44.000 What is the month?

01:49:45.000 Is it a female empowerment month? 0.99

01:49:48.000 What is it?

01:49:48.000 Is it?

01:49:49.000 Is there one of those now?

01:49:49.000 No, it's a Hispanic month.

01:49:51.000 Hispanic Heritage Month.

01:49:52.000 There was a National Women's Day, right?

01:49:55.000 Mm-hmm.

01:49:55.000 I stayed offline.

01:49:56.000 Every year. 0.99

01:49:57.000 I'm not saying shit. 0.99

01:49:58.000 Don't play in traffic. 0.99

01:50:00.000 I'm definitely not going to say anything snotty.

01:50:03.000 You know?

01:50:04.000 Try to be funny.

01:50:05.000 It's not time to be cute.

01:50:06.000 You don't need to say anything.

01:50:07.000 Yeah, Women's History Month.

01:50:07.000 Benjamin's handling it for all of us.

01:50:09.000 Women's History Month.

01:50:10.000 March 1st.

01:50:12.000 We're celebrating.

01:50:14.000 So this is Women's History Month.

01:50:16.000 Mm. 0.99

01:50:17.000 The fucked up thing is Black History Month is the shortest month. 1.00

01:50:20.000 Yeah, that was definitely some passive-aggressive racist shit. 1.00

01:50:23.000 100%. 1.00

01:50:25.000 Can you imagine?

01:50:25.000 Yeah, but they have an extra bone in their ankle.

01:50:26.000 It makes them history harder.

01:50:32.000 They only need 28 days.

01:50:34.000 At what point in time is that going to end?

01:50:36.000 How long in the future would it be before we didn't have Black History Month? 0.96

01:50:41.000 We're not going to have Moore's History Month for people, right?

01:50:45.000 So you're saying black people are going to go extinct at a certain point and we won't have to...

01:50:49.000 I think all people are going to go extinct at a certain point. 0.88

01:50:51.000 I bet it's probably within a thousand years.

01:50:54.000 Just I don't think so. 0.98

01:50:55.000 I hope we don't theme our months like fucking frat parties. 0.65

01:50:58.000 That's true, too But I just think like what point in time we're gonna not care I mean what if you if there's a way like let's just imagine is it even humanly possible to Engineer the education of human beings to the point where there's no more racism doesn't exist anymore no more sexism no more homophobia I mean naturally we were tribes and we gravitate toward people that look like us and we're comfortable with I remember in kindergarten, 0.93

01:51:24.000 this is 1987, we were allowed to just choose our tables.

01:51:28.000 They didn't make you assign seats or whatever, and I remember all the white kids just sat with the white kids, and the black kids sat with the black kids, and the Hispanic kids sat with the Hispanic kids, and I'm half white, and I was raised by white people, and you see little Puerto Rican me just plopped in the middle of this white table, and all these little kids are probably like, 0.98

01:51:44.000 what the fuck is this kid doing here? 0.86

01:51:45.000 But it was very much like everyone segregated racially, and it was very natural. 1.00

01:51:49.000 Yeah, but you're a kid.

01:51:50.000 I'm talking about as a grown adult who's already examined the world.

01:51:53.000 Don't you think it's possible that people get to the point where they don't do that anymore?

01:51:56.000 Just let it go.

01:51:57.000 I think individuals can, but the idea that in terms of large demographic groups, there won't be any in-group preference, and there won't be any...

01:52:04.000 Maybe, I'm not like closed off to it, but it seems like a real tough goal.

01:52:08.000 I agree with you 100%, but I'm more leaning towards that now than ever before because of the internet.

01:52:13.000 Because I think people are accelerating.

01:52:15.000 They're accelerating in what they understand about what's going on in the world.

01:52:19.000 It's way more deep.

01:52:21.000 You've talked to an average 20-year-old today, and they're just way more knowledgeable than I was when I was 20. Stunningly so.

01:52:28.000 Even if they believe ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:52:30.000 Yeah, because they have the information. 1.00

01:52:33.000 I wouldn't know half the shit I know if I grew up You know, decades before I did, I wasn't going to go to the library every fucking night. 0.99

01:52:41.000 There's a lot more work to care. 0.99

01:52:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:52:43.000 It's like, I wasn't going to put that in.

01:52:44.000 But when it's all right in front of you, it's like, all right, well, I guess I can spend 2 to 5 a.m.

01:52:49.000 reading.

01:52:49.000 But I think it doesn't seem like we're going towards that.

01:52:52.000 It seems like the sharing of information is sort of making us move away from that.

01:52:55.000 It seems like it's making us more erratic and more kind of crazy.

01:53:00.000 You know, I feel like we don't know how to, like...

01:53:01.000 You know, people don't know how to...

01:53:03.000 Quickly share an idea and deal with people reacting to that idea as fast as it's happening.

01:53:09.000 I think it's creating...

01:53:10.000 I have people that are... 1.00

01:53:11.000 We speak of friends who are disowning each other on Facebook and publicly being like, fuck you, dude. 1.00

01:53:16.000 If you believe this, I don't ever want to talk to you again. 1.00

01:53:18.000 And you're like, dude, whoa. 1.00

01:53:19.000 We're not even supposed to talk about some of this shit. 0.98

01:53:21.000 I thought whatever happened to water cooler conversation, you weren't supposed to talk about politics or religion or any of this stuff. 0.98

01:53:25.000 You were kind of supposed to just lead each other's lives and sort of like...

01:53:29.000 Live with each other and, you know...

01:53:31.000 Yeah, well, I remember thinking about this when the thing with Chick-fil-A, which, by the way, is delicious.

01:53:37.000 But when they were, like, against gay marriage and people were, like, boycotting Chick-fil-A, and you're just kind of like, well, what is the precedent that you're setting here?

01:53:48.000 Like, if I pull up to a gas station and I go to, like, get, like, a snack, do I have to go, like, so where do you stand on the Iraq war...

01:53:54.000 Where do you stand on this?

01:53:55.000 Isn't the point that we all can kind of get along even if we have wildly different views?

01:53:59.000 It's called Chick-fil-A, not Dude-fil-A, queer! 1.00

01:54:03.000 Yeah, but we would like to spend our money wisely.

01:54:06.000 That's the idea that people are voting with their dollars, right? 0.92

01:54:08.000 I get that, but it's almost like now we can have all that knowledge, and I get your point, but it can work toward us being inclusive, or it can work toward us being like, Well, no, I'm not gonna fuck with anybody who doesn't meet XYZ beliefs. 0.71

01:54:21.000 There's a lot of that going on.

01:54:22.000 Which isn't necessarily great.

01:54:24.000 No, not necessarily.

01:54:26.000 There's something beautiful about the market where I'm a Jew, but I can get a cab in New York from a Muslim, and I'm just like, oh, I'm going up here, and then he drops me off, and he's like, have a good night, God bless, and I'm like, thank you, and we give each other money, and we're all happy, and it doesn't matter that we have... 0.99

01:54:42.000 That place is such a melting pot, though.

01:54:46.000 It's so different than L.A. L.A., everybody's in their own car.

01:54:49.000 They go to their own building.

01:54:50.000 Everybody's insulated.

01:54:51.000 In New York, you're forced to walk with people, get on the train with people.

01:54:55.000 Everybody's all together.

01:54:57.000 The subway.

01:54:58.000 9 a.m.

01:54:58.000 at 34th Street, you have a million people in one small area where it's like one person's a homeless person, the next person's a multimillionaire, supermodel, actor, from every different area of your life, and they're all squished together.

01:55:10.000 In LA, you gotta go to the party to hang out with that model or actor or to interact with them really in any way, you know?

01:55:15.000 I feel like you don't have a lot of examples outside of actor and model.

01:55:19.000 You're a multi-millionaire, supermodel after.

01:55:21.000 You said that and homeless.

01:55:22.000 The doctor walks next to the scientist.

01:55:25.000 You never found just a cashier or somebody with a reasonable job in between?

01:55:29.000 Everybody's living the dream of my models.

01:55:32.000 If you guys were to take an Uber back, if you guys are going to stay and hang out and keep talking, I have to go because I have to go do Bonfire.

01:55:37.000 I have to go to Sirius XM. What time are you going to be there?

01:55:40.000 We'll have to be there like 2.40.

01:55:43.000 Oh, you're okay, dude.

01:55:44.000 Yeah.

01:55:45.000 Yeah, okay.

01:55:46.000 Bonfire.

01:55:46.000 That's Dan Soder's show.

01:55:48.000 It is indeed.

01:55:48.000 I'm familiar.

01:55:49.000 Dan Soder radio program?

01:55:50.000 Yes, yeah.

01:55:50.000 We love that show.

01:55:51.000 On the satellite radio. 0.99

01:55:52.000 Well, we can either keep going for a little bit and talk mad shit about Jay. 0.99

01:55:57.000 I'd love that. 0.99

01:55:58.000 That'd be fun.

01:55:59.000 He'll be out the door.

01:56:00.000 Or we can just wrap this up.

01:56:01.000 Dude, I can keep going all day.

01:56:02.000 I podcast. 0.99

01:56:03.000 I got a lot of shit about Jay to talk. 0.99

01:56:05.000 Well, yeah, good, good, good. 0.99

01:56:06.000 Jay, thanks, brother.

01:56:08.000 Thank you very much, man.

01:56:09.000 Thanks for facilitating this.

01:56:10.000 Absolutely, man.

01:56:11.000 You guys have fun.

01:56:12.000 Getting a party together.

01:56:12.000 I love you, brother.

01:56:13.000 Love you, man. 0.96

01:56:13.000 So, Jay's been a prick all week. 0.96

01:56:15.000 No, wait, click us out the door. 0.95

01:56:16.000 Oh, sorry.

01:56:17.000 You know what?

01:56:18.000 That was poor etiquette. 0.99

01:56:19.000 I liked his half hair red better.

01:56:22.000 Bye, everybody.

01:56:23.000 Bye, buddy.

01:56:23.000 Jamie, did you get the release?

01:56:26.000 I'm trying to make sure I don't have anything in your car.

01:56:28.000 I like how you're rocking the old-school chain with the keys.

01:56:32.000 It's not connected to a wallet.

01:56:33.000 Let it go.

01:56:35.000 It's not connected to anything.

01:56:36.000 No, I like it.

01:56:36.000 It's just a fashion accessory.

01:56:37.000 I swear to God, there's no wallet.

01:56:39.000 It's got a chain.

01:56:40.000 Jay marches to the beat of his own drum.

01:56:42.000 He's living in a grease movie. 0.99

01:56:46.000 Those fucking dudes that like would wear those like 1950s type clothes, like roll the cuffs up with their jeans, wear those old school shoes. 0.99

01:56:54.000 Yeah, sometimes I get a little like, you just kind of wish you lived one life in every generation. 0.99

01:57:00.000 Like I want to just experience that a little bit and know what that's about.

01:57:02.000 Oh my god, it must have been amazing.

01:57:04.000 The 60s would have been so cool.

01:57:05.000 Just like when the first counterculture movement first happened and music was just awesome in the late 60s, Woodstock era.

01:57:13.000 That was just a cool time to be alive.

01:57:15.000 But I have fat thighs, so I could never wear the pants that were available from it at the time.

01:57:19.000 You could wear them, bro.

01:57:20.000 You're just going to get them pleated out.

01:57:22.000 Yeah.

01:57:25.000 That was tougher to do in the 70s and 60s.

01:57:27.000 It was before the internet.

01:57:28.000 You couldn't find your specific pair of...

01:57:30.000 What's up with people that want to go back to those eras so bad they get those really bad tattoos?

01:57:37.000 You know those, like, Ed Hardy-looking tattoos?

01:57:40.000 Oh, like a boat, the classic, yeah. 0.99

01:57:41.000 Yeah, like, what the fuck are you drawing on yourself? 0.90

01:57:47.000 There's, like, some of those are so bad, but it's, like, purposely bad artwork that's supposed to mimic a time period. 0.99

01:57:54.000 But it's like, your body's not a museum, though. 0.96

01:57:56.000 Okay, if you want to mimic that time period, maybe you should get a fucking picture from that time period. 0.98

01:58:01.000 And put it on the wall. 0.99

01:58:02.000 It's a lack of creativity. 1.00

01:58:04.000 Don't put that shitty pirate ship on your ass. 0.99

01:58:05.000 I have a nostalgia for almost like before any of that time period, where you'll see the pictures from the 50s or something, where it's just like, yeah, the dudes wore suits, the girls had these dresses. 0.99

01:58:15.000 I'd like to experience that for a little bit, just wearing a suit and a top hat, flipping a quarter. 0.99

01:58:20.000 Yeah, it's because you're fucking 6'4 and 120 pounds. 0.99

01:58:23.000 I'd only want to wear a suit, too. 0.99

01:58:25.000 Not exact measurements, but okay.

01:58:26.000 We were watching this Jack Johnson fight on video from, like, what was it, like the early 1900s, and everyone in the audience had one of those hats, those gentleman hats that they would wear.

01:58:39.000 They all wore the same hat.

01:58:41.000 Everybody had a hat on.

01:58:42.000 Like, every guy in the audience, there's thousands of people, they all have those dress-up hats on. 0.87

01:58:47.000 Oh, Jack Johnson's going to fight a Negro. 1.00

01:58:49.000 Look at him out there. 0.92

01:58:51.000 Look at all the hats.

01:58:52.000 They're the same hat.

01:58:54.000 Everybody's got the same hat on.

01:58:56.000 Even today, it's like, accessorizing for a dude is the best look.

01:58:59.000 You throw on a watch and a nice hat and just little things, it puts a dude together. 0.99

01:59:07.000 Like a chick, you want as little shit on her as possible. 1.00

01:59:09.000 You want it to be as close to naked as possible. 0.99

01:59:11.000 We don't give a shit about accessories, none of that stuff, but a woman, when they look at us and they see a watch, they're like, oh, this guy's got money. 0.99

01:59:17.000 This just in, Luis J. Gomez likes fucking dudes who wear a lot of jewelry. 0.99

01:59:20.000 It's true. 1.00

01:59:21.000 If I'm gonna fuck a man, he's gotta accessorize very well. 0.99

01:59:24.000 He's gotta have like two or three watches on. 1.00

01:59:27.000 Joe gave me an opportunity to stop when Jay had to leave, but you insisted on continuing to tell the world that you wanna blow dudes with watches on.

01:59:37.000 Accessorizing.

01:59:39.000 Nah man, Jay can leave.

01:59:40.000 We'll keep this magic going.

01:59:41.000 So what's harder than a dude with a watch?

01:59:43.000 Seriously, that's a good point.

01:59:44.000 What is harder than a dude with a watch?

01:59:48.000 You guys get what I'm saying.

01:59:49.000 I know you do.

01:59:50.000 Oh, for sure.

01:59:50.000 Jay calls me later.

01:59:51.000 He's like, hey, how'd the rest of the show go? 1.00

01:59:52.000 I go, we all just started sucking each other's dicks after a few minutes, man. 1.00

01:59:55.000 Yeah, we talked about fake diamond earrings and shit. 1.00

02:00:01.000 Scarves, 1950s tattoos, roller girls, roller derby girls. 0.97

02:00:07.000 Yeah, I think people that get those, that style, like if they go, I want this old style tattoo, it's a lack of creativity.

02:00:14.000 They just want to fit into a certain type of thing.

02:00:16.000 They want to look like a type of person with that tattoo.

02:00:19.000 They saw another dude at one point and they were like, I want to look like that guy.

02:00:22.000 And that in itself is a little bizarre.

02:00:24.000 So it's the same thing, like you're saying, it's the same thing as the suits and the hats, basically.

02:00:27.000 It's the same thing. 0.99

02:00:28.000 It's just trying to look like the next guy or just trying to fit into the fucking thing. 0.99

02:00:31.000 Whether it's a suit and a hat, it's just a fucking, oh no, now I'll get a tattoo, now I'll get this. 0.99

02:00:36.000 You see that with a lot of people. 0.98

02:00:37.000 In LA, New York, you see that a lot where someone's got a crazy different look.

02:00:42.000 But you were just trying to fit into that group.

02:00:44.000 It's all the same thing, man.

02:00:46.000 This is what we do.

02:00:47.000 I was goth in high school, and I was nominated.

02:00:48.000 Well, not goth, but I was borderline goth in high school.

02:00:51.000 How do you mean borderline goth?

02:00:53.000 That's like autism.

02:00:55.000 Because there was a crew of goth kids that didn't really accept me.

02:00:58.000 He's on the spectrum.

02:00:59.000 He's on the goth spectrum.

02:01:01.000 He's a three, maybe 3.5.

02:01:04.000 That's what it was.

02:01:05.000 I used to wear Marilyn Manson t-shirts and I had long hair and eyeliner.

02:01:08.000 You're upset at the world.

02:01:09.000 But the goth kids weren't really like, you know.

02:01:11.000 They didn't dig in.

02:01:11.000 That was my crew, okay?

02:01:14.000 But yeah, you wanted to just be a part of something and everyone was like, oh, that guy's so unique or weird, but I just looked like a hundred other kids at the mall that shopped at Hot Topic.

02:01:23.000 That's a big problem with young people wanting to be a part of something.

02:01:26.000 You know, I was listening to the Sam Harris podcast with Christian Piccolini.

02:01:29.000 He was a white power guy who was recruited into these white nationalists when he was like 14. The podcast detailing these horrific fucking events that this guy went through and horrific violence against black people. 0.99

02:01:42.000 He just got sucked into being in a group. 1.00

02:01:45.000 When he was 14. And here he is now in his 40s, years after leaving, super open and honest about it and talking about it.

02:01:52.000 You're like, wow.

02:01:53.000 And it makes you realize, like, this smart guy that you're hearing talking at 40 could have been that guy at 14 that got sucked into the group.

02:02:01.000 Like, it's not, it isn't really not even whether or not you're smart.

02:02:05.000 It's whether or not you have life experience.

02:02:07.000 Right.

02:02:08.000 And the path you go down, because it's luck, dude.

02:02:11.000 I'm telling you right now, you are just a product of your environment. 0.99

02:02:14.000 You could turn left when you should have turned right one day, and then your whole fucking life is a whole different thing. 1.00

02:02:19.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:02:20.000 I did some fucked up shit as a teenager that it's like, I happened to land here, but I could have easily just been in jail or been a criminal or legitimately hurt people. 0.99

02:02:29.000 I could have went down a much different path. 0.99

02:02:31.000 Well, that's the crazy thing when people have so much hatred towards someone else for having a different view than them or being in a different situation.

02:02:38.000 And you're like, dude, just understand.

02:02:39.000 You were like two little circumstances away from being that guy.

02:02:43.000 I see that a lot with people.

02:02:44.000 And I'm on the side of gun rights. 0.53

02:02:46.000 I'm not for gun control. 0.90

02:02:47.000 But the people who are really shitty to these teenage kids who are becoming famous. 0.64

02:02:52.000 And you're like... 1.00

02:02:52.000 Dude, if you were a fucking teenager and you could have just been on the fucking news and everyone's praising you because you take this position, we'd all fucking do that shit. 1.00

02:03:00.000 I said the exact same thing yesterday. 1.00

02:03:01.000 I was talking about one of these NRA guys that was mocking these kids. 1.00

02:03:05.000 I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

02:03:06.000 If anybody should be talking about we gotta do something, it's kids that got shot at. 1.00

02:03:10.000 Sure, why not?

02:03:11.000 They have the floor.

02:03:14.000 They're supposed to have the floor.

02:03:15.000 They just got shot at, they lost their friends, and they're standing up.

02:03:19.000 Maybe they're not informed about a lot of issues.

02:03:21.000 Maybe they don't know what a semi-automatic or an AR-15 is. 0.97

02:03:24.000 Maybe they don't know those details, but they know that no one's doing shit and people keep getting shot. 0.91

02:03:29.000 And they're kind of badass because they survived like Neo and the Matrix. 0.98

02:03:33.000 They just fucking were in the right place. 0.62

02:03:35.000 But here's the thing, no one's talking about that Maryland one. 0.98

02:03:37.000 You don't talk about the positive ones.

02:03:39.000 But, you know, because again...

02:03:40.000 Tell the story.

02:03:42.000 So, more or less, in Maryland, there was this school shooting where a kid came into school with a gun, but they had an armed security guard.

02:03:48.000 He took him out.

02:03:48.000 Nobody died.

02:03:49.000 Military-training guy got rid of him quick.

02:03:52.000 And that's what NRA advocates are saying.

02:03:55.000 Like, hey, this is a good thing. 0.99

02:03:57.000 We should have someone who's an armed and ready responder at the school to prevent this kind of shit from happening. 0.97

02:04:04.000 And there's a lot of veterans that would take that job... 0.94

02:04:08.000 Happily, and you would have your kids 100% safe.

02:04:11.000 And people are like, no, that's not the solution.

02:04:13.000 The solution is take the guns away.

02:04:14.000 I don't like the idea of armed security at school.

02:04:18.000 I don't like the idea of metal detectors.

02:04:20.000 I don't like the idea of arming teachers.

02:04:21.000 But it's like, to just dismiss that and be like, no, gun control is the only reasonable measure, I think, is naive.

02:04:27.000 But just to the point, like you were saying before, I have no problem with people being like, hey, CNN shouldn't just be putting these kids on without having someone to rebut it.

02:04:34.000 Or they shouldn't be putting this on and just take it. 0.98

02:04:36.000 But to actually go at the kid and be like, oh, this kid's fucking, you know, just milking this experience. 0.99

02:04:42.000 It's like, whatever. 0.98

02:04:43.000 Any of us would do a thing like that when we were a teenager.

02:04:46.000 And look, I don't have a horse in the race. 0.99

02:04:49.000 I don't really give a shit. 0.99

02:04:50.000 I don't really shoot guns. 0.99

02:04:51.000 And I know, dude, when I have shotguns, it's just been really fun.

02:04:53.000 There's no part of me that, like, I think...

02:04:55.000 Yeah.

02:05:11.000 And we should have specific measures in place, and I know we do have that, but maybe we should look at it and push that line back even a little bit more.

02:05:19.000 Because yeah, you're right, even in the example of the dude taking out that kid in that school, I don't necessarily have an issue with having an armed security guard at the school to protect children, but I kind of have an issue with somebody who, you know, you don't know when his girlfriend broke up with him and when this dude went batshit, right?

02:05:34.000 So even when you have to give people psychological exams, when do they go crazy? 0.98

02:05:37.000 When's there a moment where somebody snaps and now they're fucking crazy? 0.93

02:05:40.000 I'm completely against gun control of just about any kind. 0.98

02:05:44.000 But I actually think when people, a lot of times Republicans will go, it's not about gun control, it's about mental health.

02:05:51.000 I think that's even more of a cop-out. 0.99

02:05:52.000 Because you're like, what the fuck are you even saying by that? 0.92

02:05:55.000 When you say mental health, there's lots of people who suffer from anxiety, depression, all these things. 0.97

02:06:01.000 It doesn't mean that What are you actually going to say?

02:06:05.000 I'm for unfettered gun rights, but everyone has to have a psychological exam. 0.99

02:06:10.000 It's as if there's some way that we can predict who's going to shoot up a fucking school. 0.99

02:06:14.000 And the truth of the matter is, it's really fucking tough. 0.99

02:06:17.000 It definitely is, but what you're saying isn't entirely correct because it is absolutely about mental health and you have to be fucking crazy to be a school shooter. 0.99

02:06:24.000 Sure. 0.89

02:06:25.000 And most of these people are on some sort of psychiatric medicine.

02:06:29.000 There's a giant percentage of them.

02:06:31.000 So it is, in fact, a mental health issue.

02:06:33.000 Because they're literally on most of them.

02:06:36.000 Like the vast percentage of them are on mental health medication. 0.98

02:06:40.000 So the question is whether or not it's the mental health medication that's causing them to do this shit or whether or not they were already crazy and that medication was just trying to treat this disease and they got a hold of guns and that's the problem is the guns. 0.95

02:06:52.000 Yeah, so maybe I didn't say that like precisely enough because I agree with everything you just said. 0.92

02:06:56.000 I'm just making the point that the idea that it's like, oh, all we know is that there's this category of people who have mental health issues and they shouldn't be allowed to get guns is way too broad.

02:07:03.000 But no, I actually, I think...

02:07:05.000 Again, like you mentioned earlier, it's like, dude, they'll say these, anyone who's real fucked up nowadays, like has a lot of mental health issues, a lot, and is in school, they're going to put them on drugs.

02:07:15.000 They put anyone who's borderline on drugs. 0.96

02:07:17.000 So the really fucked up kids are on like a cocktail of drugs. 0.98

02:07:19.000 And they'll admit with a lot of these like antidepressants, antipsychotics, that they can cause suicidal tendencies. 1.00

02:07:26.000 Some of you will even say they cause homicidal tendencies.

02:07:29.000 So... 0.93

02:07:29.000 I think it's pretty reasonable that maybe in some very small percentage of them, they cause you to just fucking want to go, or they push you at least in the direction of wanting to go just shoot up a bunch of people. 0.93

02:07:40.000 Well, they seem to relieve you of the feeling of consequences.

02:07:44.000 They disassociate you from whatever you're experiencing.

02:07:48.000 That's one of the most... 0.99

02:07:50.000 Disconcerting things about the idea that if someone has homicidal thoughts, but they're keeping them at bay, and then they take some pill that's saying, hey, fuck it, let's do this. 0.96

02:07:59.000 You're not exercising whatever the mental process is of not killing people on your own.

02:08:06.000 You need this thing to do it, and then you don't have your medication one day.

02:08:08.000 I heard you talk about this the other day.

02:08:09.000 It was kind of interesting.

02:08:10.000 I forget who was on.

02:08:11.000 Maybe it was Metzger or somebody, but you were talking about people that take...

02:08:14.000 He was very calm, cool, and collected.

02:08:16.000 Metzger was so relaxed on that episode.

02:08:18.000 It was weird.

02:08:19.000 The best advertisement for Caveman Nitro you could have possibly had. 0.51

02:08:23.000 It will make you into a raving madman.

02:08:25.000 The Maryland school shooter was killed by his own bullet, not the school resource officer, police said.

02:08:31.000 Oh, he shot himself in the head when the guy was coming after him.

02:08:34.000 Okay, but still kind of a similar moral of the story.

02:08:36.000 Maybe, maybe not. 0.98

02:08:37.000 Maybe the guy grabbed his hand and made him shoot himself in the head.

02:08:40.000 Listen, this is definitely not the same story.

02:08:41.000 The story was that this armed guy took him out.

02:08:44.000 Yes, that's what that's what I heard as well.

02:08:46.000 That's what I had heard like I'd heard a deceptive version of it then because I heard that this guy engaged in a firefight with this kid and killed him instantly.

02:08:55.000 Yeah, that's why I read like Six different articles that said that yeah.

02:08:59.000 Yeah, okay, so that maybe that's incorrect.

02:09:00.000 There's too many things to pay attention to His shot hit the shooter's gun which is in his hand His shot hit the shooter's gun before or after the shooter shot himself.

02:09:13.000 So he shot himself with the gun that got shot afterwards?

02:09:16.000 It says, the officer's shot struck Rollins' gun, which was in the teen's hand, the sheriff's office said.

02:09:21.000 Nevertheless, his quick action confronting Rollins just three minutes after the teen shot two students has been credited with bringing the incident to a quick end.

02:09:28.000 Oh, so the guy did shoot the kid.

02:09:30.000 Yeah, but he hit his gun.

02:09:31.000 That's not what killed him.

02:09:32.000 So he shot him, and then after the guy shot him, he just shot himself.

02:09:37.000 Well, he still could.

02:09:38.000 It says the praise came even when it was unclear which shot killed the teen.

02:09:44.000 He definitely seems like he shot him. 1.00

02:09:46.000 He really was in a firefight with this fucking guy. 0.99

02:09:50.000 I don't know, dude. 1.00

02:09:51.000 Look, I think...

02:09:52.000 There's not a single answer to any of this.

02:09:54.000 I think it is definitely a mental health issue. 0.99

02:09:56.000 I think nobody's going to come up with a law that's going to figure all this shit out. 1.00

02:10:00.000 I joked about it before, but I kind of live my life in a sort of ignorance is bliss state with this type of shit. 0.99

02:10:09.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:10:11.000 I have to guess my kid's not going to be shot to death in a school one day.

02:10:15.000 Knock on wood, right?

02:10:16.000 I know it's a horrible, horrible thing, but the reality is I don't know if these people that are so obsessed with everything and just they're making it their lives, I almost feel like they're kind of missing the point.

02:10:26.000 You know, my kid isn't going to be out at a rally holding a sign.

02:10:29.000 I'm not spending my days doing that with him.

02:10:30.000 I'm spending my days creating memories with him and just trying to spend my life making a good life.

02:10:34.000 And I'm not really politicizing anything with my five-year-old.

02:10:37.000 Well, there's people that feel like they want to do something.

02:10:40.000 They want to change.

02:10:41.000 They don't want this to happen again.

02:10:43.000 And if you lost your kid, you'd probably feel that way, too.

02:10:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:46.000 Sure.

02:10:46.000 I mean, there's way too many of these things.

02:10:48.000 There's way too many of them.

02:10:49.000 So we've got to figure out what it is.

02:10:50.000 I think the real issue resolved relies rather...

02:10:54.000 Here's one giant part of the problem.

02:10:58.000 Everybody's looking at the final piece of the puzzle.

02:11:00.000 The final piece of the puzzle when it all comes together is the school shooting.

02:11:03.000 What gets someone to that...

02:11:06.000 Position.

02:11:07.000 How do they get to that?

02:11:08.000 You got to go to step one, not to step ten.

02:11:11.000 If step ten is a school shooting, you got to figure out how do we get less people to go from step one to step two?

02:11:17.000 How do we keep more people happy as young people?

02:11:21.000 How do we give more people support?

02:11:22.000 How do we give more people Therapy, or exercise, or recreation, or friendship, or community guidance, or whatever the fuck we're doing, where we alienate people to the point where they literally want to go and shoot everybody else.

02:11:34.000 It's like the physical equivalent of flipping over a game when you're losing. 0.51

02:11:40.000 Yeah, that's a great analogy, by the way.

02:11:42.000 I think that's exactly what it is.

02:11:44.000 It's like, oh, this world is so bad for me? 1.00

02:11:46.000 Well, fuck you, man. 1.00

02:11:47.000 I'm gonna come fucking make it this for everybody. 1.00

02:11:50.000 Fuck that nice teacher. 1.00

02:11:51.000 I completely agree with what you're saying. 1.00

02:11:52.000 And I think maybe the silver lining in this, like the best thing that could come out of this, and it has nothing to do with the law, is just that kids in high school will fucking think twice before they're brutally ostracizing some other kid. 0.51

02:12:04.000 Because you're like, hey, watch out. 0.98

02:12:05.000 That kid might be the one who fucking wants to murder all of you guys. 0.99

02:12:08.000 I don't think they will, though. 0.99

02:12:08.000 That's not the way kids think, dude. 0.99

02:12:10.000 Kids think they're invincible.

02:12:11.000 They're not thinking about that.

02:12:12.000 I remember when I, you know, Columbine was such a big news story.

02:12:16.000 I was in high school, I believe, at the time.

02:12:18.000 I was, for sure.

02:12:19.000 Yeah, it's your birthday, actually.

02:12:21.000 You ruined my birthday that year. 0.99

02:12:23.000 It's a real fucked up thing. 0.98

02:12:25.000 Dude, it was such a big deal. 0.98

02:12:28.000 I had never seen anything like that before.

02:12:30.000 This is before 9-11.

02:12:32.000 9-11 was the next big, big thing, but it happens so often now that... 0.99

02:12:37.000 Because of the internet, I almost feel like people are also desensitized to like how crazy it was because Columbine Dude, it was bizarre watching the images on the news of the people running out of that school It was like haunting and I remember watching it and my mom made this point and shoot my mom's a fucking drug addict lunatic But she had these weird little moments in her life where she said some crazy shit and she was like, 0.97

02:12:56.000 yeah, she like, you know what? 0.92

02:12:57.000 Yeah, maybe they shouldn't have fucked with those kids just in a weird way and I was like, oh damn I'm really like defending these like but she just kind of it wasn't defending the act of people getting killed But it was sort of looking at the root, which is what you're saying, and she just kind of made that point. 0.93

02:13:11.000 It kind of always stuck with me. 0.99

02:13:13.000 Well, I think even more than like, which I get the point, but even more than other kids bullying them, the truth is if you want to get at the root, you want to be like, hey, parents, fucking love your kids and give them a really good childhood.

02:13:23.000 But it's like, how do you actually make that happen?

02:13:25.000 There's a natural inclination that animals have to pick on the weaker ones.

02:13:29.000 It's a terrible natural inclination that human beings have to avoid.

02:13:33.000 Because chickens do it. 1.00

02:13:34.000 I have chickens. 1.00

02:13:35.000 My chickens fuck with the smaller chickens, and the less aggressive chickens, they fuck them up. 1.00

02:13:39.000 They have a pecking order. 1.00

02:13:40.000 You know, I've seen it with dogs, with one dog, becomes the alpha of the pack, takes over, dominates the other dogs.

02:13:46.000 It's a natural thing.

02:13:47.000 It's natural.

02:13:48.000 It's natural in every single animal community.

02:13:51.000 And it's natural with people.

02:13:52.000 But we're smart, and we understand the consequence of that.

02:13:55.000 And you've got to give those kids a reason to not do that. 1.00

02:13:58.000 You know, but there's also the problem with, like, if you're going to school with LeBron James, okay, like, standing next to this fucking giant super athlete, you're like, shit! 1.00

02:14:06.000 What kind of bullshit genetic roll of the dice that I get? 1.00

02:14:10.000 This motherfucker got all aces. 1.00

02:14:11.000 He's got five aces. 1.00

02:14:13.000 Like, he's seven feet tall, he weighs 300 pounds, and he moves like a panther. 1.00

02:14:17.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:14:19.000 Yeah, but you don't need aces to win. 1.00

02:14:20.000 I love that analogy specifically because, dude, it's so stupid. 0.99

02:14:24.000 I have a tattoo on my arm and it's just a 2-7 offsuit. 0.99

02:14:26.000 I'm not a poker player or anything, but that's the analogy.

02:14:28.000 Take it off.

02:14:29.000 Take that tattoo off.

02:14:30.000 Dude, it's such a bad tattoo. 0.77

02:14:31.000 Grind it down. 0.71

02:14:32.000 It's horrible.

02:14:32.000 You have no idea, dude.

02:14:33.000 It's the worst.

02:14:34.000 Have you thought about doing anything about it?

02:14:36.000 No, I have one covered up.

02:14:37.000 I have one that says Lou Dog, my first one ever.

02:14:39.000 Oh, boy.

02:14:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:14:41.000 Nobody even called me LuDog.

02:14:42.000 They just did sarcastically after I got it. 1.00

02:14:45.000 LuDog, faggot. 1.00

02:14:46.000 You got that nickname, you introduced it with your tattoo. 1.00

02:14:49.000 You're like, I'm LuDog.

02:14:50.000 I'm trying to give myself a nickname.

02:14:52.000 I was 18. I was like, I need a tattoo.

02:14:54.000 What can I get?

02:14:55.000 And my mind could only go to LuDog.

02:14:57.000 That is one of the douchiest thing a human being can do is give themselves a nickname.

02:15:01.000 And tattoo it on their body.

02:15:02.000 If you just decide...

02:15:05.000 I mean, I'm not talking about like a pro wrestler or even a basketball player.

02:15:09.000 I mean, for fighters, it's pretty commonplace.

02:15:11.000 But for the average person, my friends call me Lou Dog.

02:15:15.000 Nobody calls you Lou Dog.

02:15:16.000 Nobody was calling me their friend at that point.

02:15:19.000 It wasn't good.

02:15:20.000 Alright? 0.99

02:15:20.000 I'm not defending any of this shit. 0.99

02:15:22.000 The point I'm making though is that- It's also not even a good like- Shut the fuck up. 0.99

02:15:25.000 Artistically, it's not a good tattoo. 0.94

02:15:27.000 It's like everything.

02:15:28.000 It's just bad.

02:15:28.000 It was like a fat arms.

02:15:30.000 I was a fat kid, so it's a blue dog and really small because I could only afford a $60 tattoo.

02:15:34.000 It's a little petite blue dog and then below it, it wasn't even the full thing that could connect around my arm.

02:15:39.000 It was just a little bit of tribal.

02:15:40.000 Just like a sliver, like a two inch sliver of tribal.

02:15:44.000 When I was a kid in high school, most of the guys that were doing tattoos weren't good artists.

02:15:50.000 There was a few good artists. 0.59

02:15:51.000 You would find them in magazines and shit, and you'd have to travel to Connecticut to get a tattoo done. 0.89

02:15:56.000 It was weird.

02:15:57.000 It wasn't like it is now.

02:15:59.000 Now, the artists are going from art school right into tattooing, and you're getting these amazing pieces.

02:16:08.000 I've never seen tattoos like today in my life.

02:16:11.000 I saw one the other day.

02:16:12.000 Some guy had Michael Jordan tattooed.

02:16:15.000 It looked like a leg or an arm.

02:16:16.000 I couldn't tell what it was, but...

02:16:18.000 It's like they took a photograph and just wrapped it around this guy's leg.

02:16:21.000 It's insane.

02:16:22.000 Yeah, now you go on the internet and you can actually see all their art and just compare it and pick and choose.

02:16:27.000 And there's just way more artists and way more people getting tattoos, which is a much bigger market.

02:16:31.000 Because the guns they use, like my buddy who tattoos me, shout out Keith Caramello.

02:16:36.000 Shout out to Keith Caramello. 1.00

02:16:38.000 Keith, he's the fucking man. 1.00

02:16:39.000 Great tattoo artist. 1.00

02:16:40.000 Keith the Kid.

02:16:40.000 Now he's got a nickname.

02:16:42.000 But he didn't give it to himself, so it's not douchey.

02:16:45.000 Keith the Kid.

02:16:45.000 Out in Long Island, dude, and he's got these guns.

02:16:48.000 Whatever he does, dude, it's an expensive German fucking engineered gun, and it just doesn't hurt. 0.99

02:16:53.000 Whoa, look at that. 0.99

02:16:53.000 Yeah, that's cool. 0.99

02:16:54.000 Oh, my God.

02:16:54.000 It's a Segura tattoo.

02:16:55.000 Cool.

02:16:56.000 Somebody got Tom Segura tattooed with some sort of a Viking hat on.

02:17:00.000 What is that hat?

02:17:01.000 Samurai.

02:17:02.000 Samurai hat.

02:17:03.000 Oh, right.

02:17:03.000 That's an Okinawan symbol.

02:17:05.000 On his forehead.

02:17:06.000 We get a lot of people that do the Legion of Skanks logo tattoo.

02:17:09.000 Why Segura Samurai?

02:17:11.000 The artist just made a thing and he offered to give someone a deal if they tatted it on them.

02:17:17.000 That is hilarious.

02:17:18.000 That's amazing.

02:17:19.000 Look how good the microphone looks. 1.00

02:17:21.000 Fuck, this guy's good. 1.00

02:17:22.000 What's it? 1.00

02:17:22.000 What is his name? 1.00

02:17:23.000 Jamie Lee Parker.

02:17:24.000 Jamie Lee Parker, hidden Los Angeles tattoo, West Hills, California. 0.99

02:17:29.000 Damn, that guy's good. 0.99

02:17:30.000 That guy's really good. 1.00

02:17:32.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:17:33.000 See, that's what I'm talking about. 0.99

02:17:34.000 Like, these are real artists.

02:17:35.000 Like, look how good that Joker is.

02:17:37.000 That's insane.

02:17:38.000 Yeah.

02:17:38.000 These are real artists who are really, like, when I was a kid, there was a lot of guys who would just take one of those things off the wall, and they'd go, oh, you want a Black Panther on your arm?

02:17:49.000 And they would wet it and stick it on your arm and pull it down, and then they would just start tracing that line.

02:17:54.000 They'd do a shitty job of doing it. 0.99

02:17:56.000 A lot of my friends got these dog shit tattoos. 1.00

02:17:59.000 A lot of them was the Black Panther with the claws. 1.00

02:18:01.000 Cutting into the skin.

02:18:02.000 Yeah, the claws would be red.

02:18:04.000 So. 1.00

02:18:04.000 I see stupid things like Tweety Bird tattoos on the wall. 1.00

02:18:07.000 I was like, who the fuck would ever choose that? 1.00

02:18:09.000 A lot of people. 1.00

02:18:10.000 Yeah.

02:18:10.000 My mom had straight up jailhouse tattoos.

02:18:12.000 My mom had a money sign that was done with ash with a needle into her hand. 1.00

02:18:18.000 Nice.

02:18:18.000 Gotta get that paper.

02:18:19.000 I understand that.

02:18:21.000 It's ironic, right?

02:18:22.000 You gotta do what you gotta do.

02:18:24.000 Gotta get that paper.

02:18:25.000 Let everybody know.

02:18:26.000 There's these weird tattoos that just own a period in time, like the barbed wire thing, the tramp stamp even a little bit.

02:18:33.000 They all just kind of own that 90s kind of thing that you're like, oh, no one really does that anymore.

02:18:39.000 Julian McCall is a dude with a tramp stamp.

02:18:40.000 He's got a butterfly tramp stamp.

02:18:41.000 Thank God.

02:18:43.000 Why?

02:18:44.000 I don't know.

02:18:45.000 You never know.

02:18:46.000 Yeah, he just got it.

02:18:47.000 It's kind of funny.

02:18:48.000 I guess it's funny.

02:18:49.000 Kind of funny.

02:18:50.000 Have you seen the Russian prison tattoos?

02:18:53.000 There's a couple books about them, they're pretty dope.

02:18:56.000 Well, there's one, Fedor Emelianenko, his brother, Fedor's brother, Alex, Alexander Emelianenko, he's got a bunch of crazy Russian tattoos on his body, and he had mob tattoos on his chest, right in front of his delts,

02:19:12.000 and he got them both redone and switched over. 0.99

02:19:15.000 He's fucking jacked now. 0.99

02:19:16.000 Have you seen Alexander Emelianenko? 1.00

02:19:18.000 Jacked.

02:19:19.000 Really?

02:19:19.000 Yeah.

02:19:20.000 Because they were never really jacked in their fighting days.

02:19:22.000 Look up Alexander Emelianenko recent muscles picture.

02:19:27.000 He just came back.

02:19:28.000 Because that was part of their charm.

02:19:29.000 He was in the poker for a while.

02:19:30.000 Those guys.

02:19:31.000 He was in the stretch. 0.96

02:19:32.000 Yeah, he did a stretch for rape. 0.98

02:19:33.000 Oh. 0.94

02:19:34.000 Yeah.

02:19:34.000 Yeah, and he came out.

02:19:35.000 He was fighting with Hep C. He's like a fucking, just a bad, scary dude. 1.00

02:19:38.000 Look at him. 1.00

02:19:38.000 Look at him now. 1.00

02:19:39.000 He's super jacked. 0.99

02:19:40.000 That's a good picture, but there's a better picture of him, like, facing head-on, where you go, holy shit. 0.99

02:19:45.000 Like, he's, like, legitimate. 0.97

02:19:46.000 No, that's not it.

02:19:47.000 Whatever.

02:19:48.000 But you get the point.

02:19:48.000 That's what he used to look like.

02:19:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:19:50.000 He used to look like a bear.

02:19:51.000 He used to have, like, I got a little bit of that right here.

02:19:54.000 A little bit of fat right here.

02:19:56.000 He's got, like, a little bit of that.

02:19:57.000 Like right there.

02:19:59.000 Jacked. 0.99

02:19:59.000 Yeah, because part of the charm of the Emilian Ankos was that they were almost kind of like, just looked like that, like, oh, we don't even give a fuck. 0.99

02:20:05.000 We're just tough Russians. 0.99

02:20:06.000 We don't care. 1.00

02:20:07.000 Yeah, he got a hold of that fucking USADA shit. 1.00

02:20:09.000 Look at his left and his right. 1.00

02:20:10.000 Go back to that picture real quick.

02:20:11.000 Look at those tattoos on his peck, on his right and his left side.

02:20:15.000 Like, you see them there?

02:20:16.000 That's when they were a Russian gang tattoo. 0.78

02:20:19.000 And he's got a woman on his back. 0.74

02:20:21.000 No, a skeleton holding a baby tattooed on his back.

02:20:25.000 Have you seen his back? 1.00

02:20:26.000 It's the creepiest shit. 1.00

02:20:27.000 Go pull up a back tattoo. 1.00

02:20:31.000 Look at his back. 1.00

02:20:33.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:20:35.000 A skeleton holding a baby. 1.00

02:20:38.000 Like, what?

02:20:39.000 Okay.

02:20:42.000 What do you want on your back?

02:20:45.000 Dude, only one thing.

02:20:46.000 Only skeleton holding baby.

02:20:50.000 That is life.

02:20:51.000 What is the scariest image you can think of?

02:20:53.000 The skeleton holding baby is life.

02:20:55.000 This is what I want to tell the world.

02:20:58.000 When you see my back, I am skeleton holding baby.

02:21:00.000 Baby has sword.

02:21:02.000 Do it now.

02:21:03.000 Do it.

02:21:03.000 And a bat.

02:21:04.000 It is the moment before baby kills skeleton.

02:21:07.000 Yeah.

02:21:07.000 And there's bats in the moon and the bats fly.

02:21:12.000 He goes, you mess up tattoo? 1.00

02:21:14.000 Just in South Beach, describe it as some asshole. 1.00

02:21:17.000 Look at his fucking tattoo, man. 1.00

02:21:19.000 That is so evil. 1.00

02:21:21.000 What does that mean?

02:21:23.000 Well, I don't think it's American.

02:21:25.000 I think that's Russian words, right?

02:21:27.000 So who knows what it says.

02:21:29.000 Yeah.

02:21:30.000 Yeah, man.

02:21:31.000 That Russian language is a trip to look at, man. 1.00

02:21:34.000 When you see Russian typed out, you're like, what?

02:21:36.000 You guys, how long have you been doing this? 1.00

02:21:38.000 It's like, how cold and hungry were you that you came up with this shit? 1.00

02:21:41.000 Like, this is your language? 1.00

02:21:43.000 God with us, it says. 1.00

02:21:44.000 It's Third Reich shit? 1.00

02:21:45.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:21:47.000 He doesn't give a fuck! 1.00

02:21:49.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:21:50.000 We're going to ask you another week.

02:21:50.000 Alexander Elnenko.

02:21:52.000 Whoa.

02:21:53.000 God with us is a phrase commonly used in herald...

02:21:58.000 Heraldry?

02:21:58.000 Heraldry in Prussia from 1701 and later.

02:22:02.000 Oh, okay.

02:22:02.000 Prussia first.

02:22:03.000 So it has its roots in Prussia.

02:22:05.000 Yeah.

02:22:06.000 Okay.

02:22:06.000 The German military during the period spanning the German Empire, 1871 to 1918. So it was World War I, and then the Third Reich, 1933 to 1945. So it was in the first two reichs also.

02:22:17.000 It wasn't just the Third.

02:22:18.000 But the most important thing is that the origins are Prussia.

02:22:22.000 Right, and so he's very nationalistic, I'm sure.

02:22:24.000 Yeah, I still...

02:22:25.000 So it could be...

02:22:26.000 You gotta be...

02:22:26.000 Look, dude.

02:22:27.000 Oh, today's day and age.

02:22:28.000 You know, we all know the swastika, it has other meanings before the Germans took over, but you can't get a swastika tattoo and go, no, no, no, but it's a good one. 1.00

02:22:37.000 Yeah, but it also is the war cry of the Swedish army.

02:22:41.000 See, it's in 1631. It was saying, Gott mit uns by Sabaton during the first battle of Brettenfield in 1631. God with us with the war cry of the Swedish army.

02:22:55.000 That was the last time Sweden was picking wars with anybody. 0.99

02:22:57.000 So this is probably like some Russian gang shit, is what we're missing. 1.00

02:23:00.000 God is with us, meaning God is with the Russian gang members. 1.00

02:23:04.000 And we're just jumping to conclusions because the Nazis liked it too. 1.00

02:23:07.000 And we're also, in America, Nazis are such a symbol of evil shit. 1.00

02:23:11.000 I don't know exactly, in his culture, in Russia, where they're from, if that's like, fucking, you know, Hitler is this, you know, the antichrist that we kind of make him out to be. 0.99

02:23:20.000 The Russians and the Nazis didn't get along very well either. 0.96

02:23:23.000 Well, they also had their own guy.

02:23:24.000 They had Stalin just starving people to death.

02:23:26.000 And he was responsible for one more deaths.

02:23:28.000 And he was responsible for their deaths.

02:23:29.000 Of his own people, yeah. 0.58

02:23:32.000 Well, Hitler killed a lot of Russians, too.

02:23:33.000 And so did the Mongols. 0.98

02:23:35.000 Everybody killed Russians. 1.00

02:23:37.000 Russians have it fucked up, man. 1.00

02:23:38.000 That's why they're so hardy. 1.00

02:23:39.000 That's why they're so dangerous as fighters.

02:23:42.000 Those are the survivors, man.

02:23:43.000 You've got some cream of the crop genetics over in Russia. 0.98

02:23:46.000 No bullshit. 0.97

02:23:47.000 In a hundred year period, Russia... 0.77

02:23:50.000 America was in two world wars, but it wasn't here. 0.65

02:23:53.000 It was like we sent our boys to go fight over there.

02:23:55.000 Russia had two world wars.

02:23:58.000 Their country straight up collapsed twice.

02:24:01.000 They had the Bolshevik Revolution and then the collapse of the Soviet Union.

02:24:05.000 And then they had just genocidal dictatorship in between that.

02:24:10.000 It was just a bad time to be Russian.

02:24:12.000 Well, they've gone through a whole bunch of those in the past. 1.00

02:24:15.000 When you go look at Russian history, you're like, what is the fuck? 0.95

02:24:19.000 I went to the Genghis Khan exhibit at the Reagan Library out here, and you get to see how much of Russia they captured, and how much of, like, I didn't know that Genghis Khan had the biggest empire ever. 0.99

02:24:33.000 Like, they literally owned all of Eurasia. 0.89

02:24:37.000 And he was fucking like 40% of the people. 0.99

02:24:39.000 Everybody! 0.99

02:24:40.000 I mean, that dude, there's some insane number of people that are genetically related to him in Asia.

02:24:47.000 Like, insane number.

02:24:48.000 Yeah, uh-huh. 0.99

02:24:49.000 He would like they would do this shit where they would like send like a Fuck it's been a while since I read about this but like they would like send it like when they were gonna conquer like a village They'd like send in like a note. 1.00

02:24:58.000 It's basically kind of like well look just give up all your shit right now And you'll be okay, and then some of the villages would be like no We're not giving up all our shit kill them anyway, okay, and then they just come in Yeah, and then they do that just to like send a fucking message like even people who agreed to it there It's like brutal brutal shit. 0.99

02:25:13.000 Have you listened to Dan Carlin's wrath of the cons? 1.00

02:25:16.000 I've talked about it too many times.

02:25:18.000 He's the man, though.

02:25:18.000 If you're regularly listening to this podcast, I apologize for the next couple of minutes.

02:25:21.000 It's the greatest fucking podcast series ever. 0.95

02:25:24.000 It's all about Genghis Khan. 0.99

02:25:25.000 I had no idea.

02:25:27.000 I knew he was a bad guy.

02:25:28.000 But it's like, my knowledge of Genghis Khan was similar to my current knowledge of Alexander the Great. 0.96

02:25:33.000 It's like, I heard he was gay. 0.90

02:25:35.000 That's it.

02:25:36.000 That's all I know. 0.83

02:25:37.000 Killed a lot of people.

02:25:38.000 I don't really know.

02:25:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:25:39.000 It's in modern Afghanistan.

02:25:41.000 That area.

02:25:41.000 Yeah.

02:25:41.000 I don't know jack shit about Alexander the Great.

02:25:43.000 And that was my same thing with Genghis Khan. 0.94

02:25:46.000 I knew he was a bad guy, conquered a lot of people, you know, owned the world for a while. 0.99

02:25:50.000 But Dan Carlin's five-part series is so goddamn good that you just really get a really accurate sense of how insane life was back then about what these fucking people did. 0.93

02:26:03.000 There's one story about the Khwarezmian Shah who sent an envoy to Jin China, and along the way they saw in the distance what they thought was a snow-covered mountain, but as they got closer they realized it was a pile of bones. 0.98

02:26:17.000 They had killed everyone in the city.

02:26:19.000 They killed a million people and stacked them up.

02:26:23.000 And these people were, they had abandoned the road because the road was so overrun with bodies that had rotten and decayed that people were getting sick and dying.

02:26:33.000 Because there were so many bodies.

02:26:35.000 They had abandoned the road.

02:26:37.000 With anything anyone cares about today, and this goes for myself too, like anyone who's into like issues or politics, it's like you should always just keep in mind, we have it so fucking good.

02:26:46.000 So good.

02:26:46.000 We have it so good compared to what like everybody's had.

02:26:50.000 But that's what progress is all about.

02:26:51.000 We want it so good, we want it better.

02:26:53.000 We want it better.

02:26:54.000 We want no this, no that, no violence, no sexism, no racism, no nothing.

02:26:59.000 We want it better and better and better and better.

02:27:01.000 Well, now we got some ground.

02:27:02.000 People are getting more and more excited about gaining more new ground.

02:27:05.000 Yeah, but it's like we're never going to have it be perfect, so I almost feel like...

02:27:08.000 Why, though?

02:27:09.000 Because the concept of there never being any sort of racism, sexism, or, you know...

02:27:18.000 Somebody's always going to perceive something as being that, right?

02:27:20.000 So the onus is almost on the quote-unquote victim sometimes to take the step back and go like, okay, I'm not a victim right now.

02:27:27.000 I'm a brown person, dude.

02:27:28.000 If I want to call racism, I can do it every single day in my life, if I really want to, okay?

02:27:32.000 And I feel like we're never going to have that because it's very addictive to be a victim.

02:27:35.000 It's very addictive to feel like you're wronged in some way.

02:27:38.000 And it's also very addictive to look for reasons for it that aren't really necessarily your fault.

02:27:43.000 That's true right now.

02:27:43.000 Being a SHAW is a very, like, I'm helping the world.

02:27:47.000 That idea, people feel like they're doing something good, and you'll never convince them, no matter how ridiculous they might be, you'll never convince them what they're not being.

02:27:54.000 My biggest beef, and I agree with you. 0.91

02:27:56.000 I agree with you, too, though.

02:27:57.000 I think that's how progress happens.

02:27:59.000 You have to keep wanting to make it better and better.

02:28:01.000 My biggest problem with, say, the left-wing activists of today is that it's almost like they want to burn it down because it's not perfect.

02:28:11.000 And you're like, okay, just appreciate the steps that we've come, and let's go the next step.

02:28:15.000 But don't burn it down, because it can be a lot worse.

02:28:18.000 With the way we hold on to ideas and beliefs, it takes several generations for real progress to occur.

02:28:22.000 The problem right now is there's so much technological progress that's aiding the physical progress.

02:28:28.000 The progress is taking place far faster than it can handle.

02:28:30.000 It's almost like going downhill in the snow.

02:28:33.000 And you're like, oh, Jesus!

02:28:34.000 Like, you're in a car, and you're driving downhill in the snow.

02:28:36.000 It's like, you kind of can hit the brakes, but are they really going to work?

02:28:39.000 You're ahead of yourself.

02:28:40.000 Yeah.

02:28:40.000 You don't have full control.

02:28:42.000 And I think as a human species, that's currently the state we're at, where people are trying to force things down, and we're trying to force change.

02:28:49.000 And change normally takes a long-ass time to really settle in.

02:28:54.000 And it's happening so quick, we can't really keep up with it.

02:28:56.000 That's what I think's happening.

02:28:58.000 It's like, you know, we didn't have the same way to communicate.

02:29:00.000 You can get an idea across the world instantly the same way.

02:29:04.000 So I think that people are reacting to that and they don't know how to really deal with it.

02:29:07.000 You know, they don't know how to share an idea with somebody that might not agree the same way.

02:29:11.000 But we do.

02:29:12.000 Because you turn off your cell phone, you go to the supermarket, dude, whoever's, you know, I'm standing next to one line, we get along.

02:29:17.000 We're cool.

02:29:18.000 No matter what our backgrounds are, what we believe, we're just coexisting. 0.96

02:29:21.000 Yeah, well, that's like the shit I was saying before about Chick-fil-A versus other businesses, where I'm sure there's some guy who just believes shit that I find horrifying, but I'm just like, hey, let me get a water, let me get a dollar. 0.99

02:29:29.000 It's like, you don't even think about that shit. 0.99

02:29:31.000 It's like, yeah, we do exist in this world. 0.99

02:29:33.000 We, like, come together and do all this shit all the time, but then you can kind of, like, pretend online that you have this, like, we're worlds apart, and I would never do business with this.

02:29:43.000 Also, the problem is communicating online. 0.98

02:29:45.000 It's a shitty way of communicating. 0.78

02:29:47.000 Yeah.

02:29:47.000 People should have conversations in front of each other where they can look at each other and you can work through stuff.

02:29:53.000 Podcast.

02:29:53.000 Yeah.

02:29:54.000 For real.

02:29:55.000 You're 100% right about it because you have an opportunity to be wrong, find out why you're wrong, think about it, process it, as opposed to editing your opinion down and going, here it is.

02:30:03.000 This is a very specific, perfect version where it's not even really what your opinion is.

02:30:08.000 It's just how people are going to perceive it.

02:30:10.000 It's a game.

02:30:10.000 You're playing a word game.

02:30:11.000 Yes.

02:30:12.000 You're playing word sports.

02:30:14.000 You're trying to win.

02:30:14.000 And there's a real problem with people that aren't good at communicating one-on-one.

02:30:20.000 Because that's really the most valuable form of communication.

02:30:23.000 There's two people in front of each other.

02:30:24.000 You're like, well, I'm going to write you an email because I can't really talk to you about this. 0.99

02:30:27.000 And then you get this crazy email accusing you of all sorts of shit. 0.98

02:30:30.000 And you're reading the tone differently. 0.99

02:30:31.000 And you call them up. 0.99

02:30:32.000 Hey, man, what the fuck is this email? 1.00

02:30:34.000 This is nonsense. 1.00

02:30:34.000 This shit didn't happen. 1.00

02:30:36.000 And then you get together and have a conversation about it. 1.00

02:30:37.000 Let's talk person to person.

02:30:39.000 It was me and Big J. We just got into a thing one time.

02:30:42.000 I don't know what it was. 0.98

02:30:43.000 We've been like fucking brothers for a decade and a half almost. 0.96

02:30:47.000 We're like real close friends. 0.97

02:30:48.000 We just got into a thing where I just wrote him a long email.

02:30:50.000 I was like, yo, I'm going to write it in the form of an email. 0.84

02:30:52.000 And then he's taking the tone very wrong, so then he writes me back an email kind of shitty. 0.93

02:30:56.000 And now we're like in a fucking fight, and the reality was I was just trying to communicate like road dates or something. 1.00

02:31:01.000 It was so stupid. 1.00

02:31:02.000 You're like one conversation away from deading the whole thing and just like working it out. 1.00

02:31:05.000 Dude, text messages, emails, so much is left to interpretation, and depending upon how you're receiving that, if you're in a good mood, you're like, oh, I guess he's just busy, no big deal, he's a good guy, he'll get back to me. 0.99

02:31:15.000 Or if you're in a down place, like this motherfucker, it's always on his terms. 0.98

02:31:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:20.000 Those fucking guys are the worst. 1.00

02:31:21.000 Did you read our conversations? 1.00

02:31:23.000 Yeah, everything's always on your terms too, man.

02:31:26.000 If I call you and you don't want to talk to me, don't talk to me.

02:31:29.000 I'll be okay. 1.00

02:31:30.000 I don't want to hear this bitch-ass shit where people get angry if you're busy. 1.00

02:31:35.000 Like, oh my god. 1.00

02:31:36.000 It's always on your terms.

02:31:37.000 No.

02:31:38.000 No, I'm busy! 1.00

02:31:39.000 And while you're saying it's on their terms, so much of that has to do with your fucking life. 0.99

02:31:44.000 Like, if you're in a fight with your chick and you don't have the job you want to have and then some guy doesn't return your... 0.99

02:31:48.000 It's like... 1.00

02:31:49.000 Fuck him, man. 1.00

02:31:50.000 He's doing this. 1.00

02:31:51.000 But if everything's going good...

02:31:52.000 Hey, bro, I know you're on that backcountry hike, but I really appreciate you getting into cell phone service.

02:31:57.000 You can call me.

02:31:58.000 I need to work out this stuff with Michelle. 0.99

02:32:00.000 She's fucking freaking me out. 0.98

02:32:01.000 It might be it, bro. 0.98

02:32:03.000 I hope you were there when I needed you, bro, and you weren't.

02:32:07.000 People don't pick up their phone anymore, either.

02:32:09.000 I call.

02:32:10.000 I'm a caller. 0.91

02:32:11.000 I have fat thumbs. 0.98

02:32:12.000 If I text you and I'm angry, I'm going to end a friendship with you because I'm going to be so frustrated with my fat thumbs texting shittily. 0.99

02:32:18.000 I can't believe Lewis just called me a faglet. 0.99

02:32:21.000 Text is weak. 0.95

02:32:22.000 It's weak.

02:32:22.000 It's just not a good form.

02:32:23.000 It's good like, hey, here's your address.

02:32:25.000 See you tomorrow. 1.00

02:32:26.000 It's good for that kind of shit. 1.00

02:32:27.000 But that's all. 1.00

02:32:28.000 That's all it's good for.

02:32:30.000 It's not good for express.

02:32:31.000 I mean, it's good for fun, too. 0.97

02:32:32.000 You say shitty things to each other. 0.60

02:32:33.000 If you know for a fact that you're real good friends... 0.97

02:32:36.000 Yes, you're right.

02:32:37.000 It's like Twitter or something like that is good for like, you know, it's good for like, hey, if you want to check out something cool, go to www.coolstuff.com.

02:32:45.000 But it's not good for like, let me explain to you my take on taxation or some shit like that.

02:32:50.000 Or even worse, your take on a person. 0.90

02:32:52.000 Yeah.

02:32:53.000 The thing about your take on a person is you're allowed to have your, obviously, like say some politician or what have you, you're absolutely allowed to have your opinion on them.

02:33:00.000 But you're not really talking to them.

02:33:04.000 Do you know them?

02:33:07.000 There's always a limitation if you're looking at someone from afar, right? 0.99

02:33:11.000 And if you could sit down in front of someone, some politician that you agree with or disagree with, and then have a conversation with them, then you would find out who the fuck they really are, then you'd find out who the fuck you really are in respect to this argument, and that makes sense. 0.97

02:33:25.000 But you can't do that. 0.98

02:33:26.000 There's not enough people.

02:33:27.000 There's no way.

02:33:28.000 There's no way that everybody who has an idea about anybody else can be with them.

02:33:32.000 But we have to respect that gap.

02:33:36.000 Sports guys are the worst at it.

02:33:39.000 The worst. 1.00

02:33:39.000 When they talk about a certain player being lazy or a certain fighter being a pussy. 1.00

02:33:44.000 What are you going on about? 1.00

02:33:47.000 You know, you're talking about a professional cage fighter and you're calling them a pussy, but I read that shit all day. 1.00

02:33:54.000 I read it all the time. 1.00

02:33:56.000 And it's that thing where you would never say that if you were in front of them.

02:33:59.000 You would never say that in front of them.

02:34:01.000 I weirdly think that, like, as a fan, you're buying the right to express that opinion in a weird way, though. 0.97

02:34:07.000 Not that they're a pussy, but when people get mad at people booing at UFC events, I'm going like, I don't know, they're kind of buying that experience, you know? 0.95

02:34:16.000 And I can't hate on them if they want to express themselves that way. 0.99

02:34:21.000 You know, it's sort of a thing. 0.69

02:34:23.000 I mean, look, I got very humbled doing the podcast with Michael Bisping because I was doing radio on Sirius XM for a while and talking about MMA like I fucking knew anything. 0.98

02:34:32.000 And then I started doing the show with Bisping, and then I was like, oh, I don't know shit. 0.99

02:34:34.000 I'm not even going to pretend like I know shit. 0.99

02:34:36.000 And I'm so much better at it now. 0.99

02:34:37.000 I'm not trying to fit into this fucking, like, mold or whatever. 0.98

02:34:42.000 But, yeah, I think that from a fan's perspective, I don't really get mad at them when they start talking shit or start to, like, it's kind of like, it's part of the experience, you know? 0.98

02:34:51.000 Yeah, no, I mean, I get it, but you shouldn't be disrespectful to people for no reason like that. 0.95

02:34:58.000 There's a lot of guys that get into it just because they feel like they're behind a wall and they can lob bombs. 0.99

02:35:03.000 It's a pussy move. 1.00

02:35:05.000 It's not healthy for you either. 1.00

02:35:07.000 It's like if you go to an event and there's two guys getting in a cage fucking fighting, to start booing them just seems to me it's like, dude, I mean, come on, man. 0.85

02:35:17.000 They're fucking to entertain you guys getting in there and putting it all on the line. 0.97

02:35:21.000 Like, yeah, they have a right to. 0.99

02:35:23.000 I agree wholeheartedly.

02:35:24.000 I would never in a million years, but at the same time, I kind of understand it.

02:35:27.000 It's almost like...

02:35:28.000 Well, they should be able to boo your comedy shows, too, then.

02:35:30.000 Yeah, but I'll tell you why not.

02:35:33.000 Why?

02:35:34.000 I don't believe that at a comedy show, if they're booing you during your set, they're completely taking out the experience for everybody else.

02:35:41.000 And I feel like at a live sporting event, it's just not the same thing.

02:35:44.000 They're not getting in the fighter's head.

02:35:46.000 I mean, maybe they are a little bit.

02:35:47.000 They are. 0.99

02:35:47.000 But, you know, I talked to Mike about this, you know, he said, people boo me, they fucking love me. 0.99

02:35:51.000 Mike's a bank vault. 0.98

02:35:52.000 He's a different type of person.

02:35:54.000 That is true.

02:35:54.000 That's why he's a champion.

02:35:55.000 He's got a different kind of mental strength. 0.99

02:35:57.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:35:59.000 That guy can plow through everything. 0.99

02:36:00.000 And that's why he became a champion.

02:36:02.000 I mean, he's like one of the most mentally strong guys to ever fight in MMA. Because he's a guy that, when he started out, he was good.

02:36:08.000 He was very good.

02:36:09.000 He won the Ultimate Fighter, Season 2, and was a good fighter.

02:36:13.000 But willed himself in the position of being a champion.

02:36:16.000 Yeah.

02:36:17.000 Was knocked out, was stopped, was beaten, had his momentum stopped, restarted it right back up again with the same or better enthusiasm every time. 0.99

02:36:26.000 And deep into his 30s, did it all clean, no steroids, no allegations, no bullshit, just worked hard and was tough as fuck and won the fucking middleweight title. 0.99

02:36:36.000 That's a different type of mind. 0.98

02:36:37.000 Dude, I know he lost two in a row, but the fact that he went out there and had a fight that I thought he was going to win until GSP caught him with that left, I thought he was going to win the fight, and then loses to GSP for the title in the biggest middleweight fight probably ever, and then just goes, I want to fight Kevin Gaslam in two weeks.

02:36:54.000 Kelvin.

02:36:55.000 Kelvin, sorry.

02:36:56.000 You go like, Jesus, man. 0.91

02:36:58.000 Yeah, he's an animal.

02:36:59.000 His logic is so good. 1.00

02:37:00.000 It's such a fucking straight-up, real-ass dude logic. 0.99

02:37:02.000 He's like, yeah, mate, I already did a training camp. 0.99

02:37:05.000 Why not get two paychecks?

02:37:07.000 Yeah, it was a rough fight though.

02:37:09.000 I don't think it was a smart fight for him.

02:37:10.000 Probably not a smart fight.

02:37:11.000 I agree with you on that.

02:37:13.000 Look, George St. Pierre, you know, he took four years off and everything like that, but he's still one of the greatest, if not the greatest of all time.

02:37:20.000 And you saw that in that fight.

02:37:22.000 I don't think he was...

02:37:23.000 I mean, Michael cut him.

02:37:25.000 He cut him with those elbows, particularly from the bottom.

02:37:28.000 But, you know, George St. Pierre, he's a special guy.

02:37:31.000 He really is a special athlete.

02:37:32.000 People were really underestimating how great George St. Pierre was.

02:37:35.000 He's a guy who beat every person that was ever put in front of him.

02:37:38.000 The losses that he had avenged so beautifully.

02:37:41.000 Dominantly.

02:37:42.000 George St. Pierre is a monster, and I think that everyone, including myself, really didn't think he was going to be able to come back with that long of a layoff and compete the way that, you know, you said to yourself, Mike was just mentally pushing himself forward, getting better and better.

02:37:56.000 Michael Bisping today destroys Michael Bisping, a younger Michael Bisping, seven years ago.

02:38:01.000 That's crazy.

02:38:01.000 He's an older man now.

02:38:02.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:38:03.000 It's entirely possible.

02:38:04.000 I mean, fighting is such a crazy proposition that even with elite guys, even when someone won a fight, if you made them fight again, would they win 100% of the time?

02:38:14.000 I don't think they would.

02:38:15.000 Not at all.

02:38:16.000 So there's things in weird events that can change your fortune in a fight.

02:38:19.000 I said that about Ngannou and Stipe.

02:38:21.000 I think if Ngannou could beat him a few times, if they fought ten times, he can knock him out.

02:38:25.000 If they fight ten times, Stipe definitely doesn't win all ten.

02:38:28.000 No, not at all.

02:38:29.000 There's definitely a few that Ngannou pulls off.

02:38:31.000 For sure, if they have a rematch...

02:38:34.000 See, the thing about...

02:38:35.000 Do you have to restart it with a time machine where there's no memory whatsoever about experiencing each other?

02:38:41.000 Because you understand patterns.

02:38:44.000 That's why it's weird when you see guys fight training partners.

02:38:47.000 It's like there's guys that just know each other so well that when they get in there, they've already established a pattern.

02:38:53.000 One guy's always bullied the other guy in training.

02:38:55.000 One guy's beat the other guy up.

02:38:56.000 You can see it when they actually fight.

02:38:58.000 Yeah.

02:38:59.000 Well, actually, and the other thing, just as we're saying this, I go, yeah, George St. Pierre is the greatest ever.

02:39:05.000 If you have to make a case, I don't think there's a stronger case for anyone than for George St. Pierre.

02:39:09.000 He beat everyone he ever faced.

02:39:14.000 He had two losses that were Matt Hughes and Matt Serra, right?

02:39:18.000 And came back and destroyed them in the rematches. 0.54

02:39:21.000 Matt Hughes twice.

02:39:23.000 And Matt Serra just came back and beat him in the third rubber match.

02:39:26.000 Never happened.

02:39:27.000 And then, after retiring, comes back and wins a championship, a division up.

02:39:32.000 Not just that, but finishes Michael Bisping and chokes him unconscious with a rear naked choke that was one of the tightest, most cinched up rear naked chokes I've ever seen anybody perform, ever.

02:39:43.000 I mean, he had it like a jiu-jitsu guy.

02:39:45.000 Like a lot of MMA guys, they have a harder time getting those gloves fully locked into position.

02:39:51.000 Like there's a difference between, there's this, there's a rear naked choke with the palms touching the back of the head, which a lot of people opt for because you don't have to make as much space for the arm.

02:40:00.000 You can get back there, you can grab that head, but the real way to do it is like this.

02:40:04.000 The real way to do it is a karate chop, where you go to the back of the neck with a karate chop, and once you have that in place, then there's this crazy Crazy leverage. 0.97

02:40:13.000 And it just squeezes the fuck out of someone's neck.

02:40:16.000 When someone really gets one of those locked in, and that's what George did. 0.98

02:40:20.000 And the way he did it was like as tight and sweet and four-star black belt level rear naked choke that you've ever seen in a USA. All right!

02:40:30.000 God damn it, it's hard to listen to you describe it so beautifully. 0.99

02:40:34.000 That's another thing, dude. 0.99

02:40:35.000 I never gave a shit at all the same way, like, me and Michael Bisping at this point have become friends, to where it's like, you start to fucking care about these guys. 0.98

02:40:44.000 Of course, yeah. 0.98

02:40:44.000 You imagine being a family member, you imagine having somebody, like, your blood is in there. 0.98

02:40:49.000 You know, being a fan of somebody is one thing, but then you know somebody, and that was hard to watch.

02:40:55.000 Schaub's one of my best friends, and I had to do commentary on some of his fights.

02:40:58.000 It was a real hard time.

02:41:00.000 It was real hard.

02:41:00.000 Last couple fights in particular was very hard for me.

02:41:04.000 Very hard to, too.

02:41:05.000 Like, I have to be as equally enthusiastic about him getting hit as I am about him hitting somebody.

02:41:10.000 And I know the guy very well. 1.00

02:41:12.000 Did you ever show your ass? 1.00

02:41:12.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

02:41:13.000 For sure.

02:41:14.000 I even said, like, everybody knew that I was really good friends with him.

02:41:17.000 It was, you know, we had done a bunch of podcasts together, but I was also the guy who talked him into retiring, because I was like, look, I know what's going on.

02:41:23.000 Like, and, you know, I've seen this with other people, and I'm not friends with them, and it's not my position to tell people to stop, and I don't know them that well.

02:41:30.000 You'd have to know someone real well to know where their head's at, you know?

02:41:34.000 That's a sport where...

02:41:36.000 See, like, if you're booing a basketball game, maybe, I guess.

02:41:40.000 Like, there's something that's so much more intense about a fight.

02:41:44.000 Especially, like, there's smart boos, like when someone does something illegal or someone does something cheap or stall weak. 0.97

02:41:52.000 Yeah, or someone does something that's fucked up. 0.96

02:41:55.000 There's smart boos. 0.85

02:41:56.000 But then there's boos where guys were just like facing each other and they're canceling each other out. 0.98

02:42:00.000 Like you're watching a really high level thing where these guys are trying to solve, what do I have to do to connect on this guy's fucking brainstem and knock his lights out?

02:42:11.000 But the UFC is marketing toward these casual fans who are basketball fans and football fans, who aren't really the people who are hardcores, who appreciate the martial arts side of it, what these guys are putting into it. 0.83

02:42:21.000 You think so?

02:42:22.000 I think they're just marketing.

02:42:23.000 I don't think they're marketing towards any specific fan.

02:42:25.000 They're not marketing towards people who don't understand it.

02:42:27.000 Yeah, but I think that's almost the same thing, because they're just trying to get a mass audience, and the majority of people aren't people who really understand it.

02:42:34.000 They want to educate people.

02:42:35.000 What makes you say that, though?

02:42:35.000 What makes you say they're trying?

02:42:37.000 Like, what are they doing, specifically?

02:42:39.000 I feel like when they put together fights that don't necessarily make sense in terms of rankings, when they put the interim belts on fights where you don't really need to be there, you just know it's a marketing move because I think a title on a poster will probably sell that many more tickets.

02:42:53.000 That's a good point.

02:42:53.000 It definitely juices it up when you have an interim title.

02:42:56.000 Some marketing dudes are going like, oh yeah, we sell this many more pay-per-views when there's a title.

02:43:00.000 I don't know the difference between an interim title or a regular title. 0.91

02:43:03.000 A lot of the casuals don't know the difference between Michael Bisping or fucking George St. Pierre. 0.95

02:43:07.000 Look, I'm with you. 0.97

02:43:07.000 You're just at a bar. 0.97

02:43:08.000 I almost feel conflicted because I have this part of me that's like a purist that's like, no, it should be just like whoever number one is versus the champion and we should never fuck around. 0.96

02:43:16.000 That's how it was going for a while. 0.87

02:43:17.000 At the same time, if they were just like, oh, you know what?

02:43:19.000 We just set up Nick Diaz versus Conor McGregor.

02:43:21.000 I'd be like, that's the greatest thing that's ever happened and I don't care.

02:43:24.000 I don't care.

02:43:25.000 I don't care about anybody else.

02:43:26.000 I don't care if Khabib's won 72 fights in a row.

02:43:29.000 I don't care if he's in Antarctica.

02:43:30.000 I'm flying out.

02:43:31.000 I've watched Brock Lesnar fight a hundred out of a hundred times. 0.98

02:43:34.000 I don't give a fuck where he's fighting, who he's fighting. 0.94

02:43:36.000 It's just fun and it's exciting, but let's get real. 0.98

02:43:38.000 I think there was something really pure and what's beautiful about MMA is that it's always going to kind of figure itself out.

02:43:44.000 It is the greatest sport because it's the greatest sport.

02:43:46.000 Anything can happen any given Sunday.

02:43:48.000 It's inherently built.

02:43:49.000 The marketing is sort of built in already, right?

02:43:51.000 So you can create a pecking order.

02:43:53.000 You can create rankings.

02:43:54.000 And I think you can kind of just say, hey, the pieces are going to fall where they're going to fall.

02:43:57.000 And it's always going to be super exciting.

02:43:59.000 And you see with the way they handle Conor or certain guys, they definitely threw that to the side.

02:44:05.000 And I think Conor's a great example of it as well, why they don't really care. 1.00

02:44:08.000 They're like, all right, fuck it, dude. 1.00

02:44:09.000 Go do Mayweather. 1.00

02:44:10.000 They had it for a little while.

02:44:12.000 Well, they were part of the promotion.

02:44:13.000 They made hundreds of millions of dollars off that thing.

02:44:16.000 Everybody made a fuckload of money.

02:44:19.000 Mayweather made hundreds of millions. 0.76

02:44:21.000 Conor made a hundred million.

02:44:22.000 I don't know what the UFC made. 0.99

02:44:24.000 Everybody got fucking crazy paid. 0.97

02:44:26.000 And then they started Zufa boxing. 0.98

02:44:28.000 And now they're offering...

02:44:31.000 Joshua, Anthony Joshua.

02:44:32.000 They're offering some crazy contract, apparently. 1.00

02:44:35.000 That might be bullshit. 1.00

02:44:36.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:44:37.000 I haven't asked anybody if that's real.

02:44:38.000 But I'm not surprised.

02:44:39.000 They realize there's a lot of money in promoting fights, whether it's promoting MMA. Dana has a big background in boxing.

02:44:45.000 You know, his son actually just had an amateur boxing fight.

02:44:48.000 I saw that on his Instagram.

02:44:50.000 Yeah, he loves boxing.

02:44:52.000 Dana loves boxing.

02:44:53.000 He's always loved it.

02:44:53.000 So it's not unusual that they decide to go into it.

02:44:56.000 But...

02:44:57.000 With Conor, it was like one of those things where you're like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.

02:45:01.000 If Mayweather really wants to fight Conor, and Conor's never had a professional fight and he'd make $100 million, let's see.

02:45:06.000 Let's see.

02:45:07.000 Let's see who buys it.

02:45:08.000 But I'm just saying, as an MMA purist, we're what's best for the sport of MMA. That's not necessarily the best move.

02:45:13.000 Oh, it's not.

02:45:13.000 It's a bad move.

02:45:14.000 It doesn't hurt it at all.

02:45:15.000 Because first of all, it shows you that in the specialties, there are people that have skills and techniques and abilities that just far exceed the very best MMA fighters.

02:45:25.000 And you saw that with Conor Floyd. 0.96

02:45:27.000 Floyd just fucked him up. 0.99

02:45:28.000 He just fucked him up. 0.99

02:45:29.000 But Conor caught him a little bit. 0.99

02:45:31.000 He tagged him.

02:45:32.000 Tagged him in the beginning, and you can say that Floyd wasn't going full tilt, and he probably wasn't.

02:45:37.000 I would say he definitely wasn't.

02:45:38.000 He was definitely trying to wear him out and get him tired, because he knew that he relied on kinetic energy for the first round or two.

02:45:43.000 But he still got clipped with a shot he did want to get clipped with.

02:45:46.000 Sure.

02:45:46.000 I think Floyd wanted to see what Connor was doing, and he spent the first few rounds kind of taking in data, and seeing, like, okay, what are you doing here?

02:45:54.000 What weird shit are you trying? 0.93

02:45:55.000 But still, I did not think Connor was going to do that good. 0.99

02:46:00.000 I thought it would be over within three or four rounds and Mayweather would knock him out and he would just outclass him.

02:46:05.000 And the fact that it went 10 and then even landed some shots, I was pretty impressed with that.

02:46:09.000 It's not the fight itself that's...

02:46:10.000 It's not bad as a purist.

02:46:12.000 I'm saying it's almost like...

02:46:13.000 It's the way they're sort of letting Conor run the show.

02:46:18.000 I just kind of feel like the UFC sort of always built this brand.

02:46:23.000 UFC, it's the Coca-Cola of MMA. And I feel like Conor is...

02:46:28.000 Basically become bigger, or at the very least, as big as the UFC. And he doesn't give a shit. 0.99

02:46:34.000 He tweeted out the other day, I'm the boss, when he was promoting the video game. 0.99

02:46:37.000 They did a promo with Dana White as one of the characters.

02:46:41.000 But I just feel like that wasn't necessarily the best thing for mixed martial arts as a sport.

02:46:46.000 I almost feel like what they were doing with it...

02:46:48.000 Doesn't hurt it at all.

02:46:49.000 Maybe not.

02:46:50.000 I think it made it bigger.

02:46:51.000 Dude, what Conor created was a thing that's like...

02:46:55.000 It's really hard.

02:46:57.000 Dude, even when he fought Marcus Brimage, it was his first fight in the UFC, and I remember already there was an energy in the crowd about Conor fighting, and I didn't even know who this guy was.

02:47:08.000 And you're like, why is this such a big thing?

02:47:10.000 And then every fight was just a bigger and bigger and bigger thing.

02:47:13.000 And then he would create this thing where Dustin Poirier's biggest fight ever is against Conor McGregor.

02:47:18.000 And Dustin had had way more big fights than him, but still the big deal was that you're fighting this guy.

02:47:23.000 He would create this.

02:47:24.000 It was not just that.

02:47:26.000 It was the results.

02:47:27.000 He put Marcus Grimmage to sleep.

02:47:28.000 He starched Dustin Poirier in the first round.

02:47:31.000 He slept Jose Aldo in 13 seconds.

02:47:33.000 It was all real accomplishments.

02:47:35.000 That was why him fighting Floyd Mayweather was interesting.

02:47:39.000 Because he was so exceptional as a striker.

02:47:43.000 I give the UFC so much credit with building Conor McGregor because he wouldn't have been able to do that anywhere else.

02:47:49.000 The UFC is such a big brand that he couldn't have been a Bellator fighter and become a worldwide name the way he is now.

02:47:56.000 Probably not, which is weird. 1.00

02:47:58.000 Bellator is a stupid name. 1.00

02:48:00.000 They need to accept that. 1.00

02:48:12.000 Regency Boxing.

02:48:13.000 It's time for Regency Boxing on HBO. What is this nonsense?

02:48:18.000 Why would you call it Regency Boxing?

02:48:21.000 Why'd you call it Bellator MMA? Just call it MMA. It's fucking MMA. That's what it is.

02:48:25.000 Just like when you watch HBO Boxing, it's on HBO and it's boxing.

02:48:28.000 But you don't think that it's good that the UFC has sort of built this brand around it?

02:48:31.000 Because I think it's weird.

02:48:32.000 That's great for the UFC. But for the sport in itself, because in boxing even, you know, you don't really know the difference between any of the title or the organizations or the titles.

02:48:41.000 I don't know if the WBC or the W... I don't know if I'm sure about boxing, but even fans don't really know the difference.

02:48:46.000 Well, they know who the big guys are.

02:48:48.000 They know Anthony Joshua.

02:48:49.000 They know his Klitschko forever.

02:48:51.000 You know, everybody knows about Deontay Wilder now.

02:48:53.000 So there's a few guys.

02:48:54.000 But there's a couple other champions that are out there.

02:48:56.000 They're like, who?

02:48:56.000 Who's this guy?

02:48:57.000 Yeah.

02:48:58.000 And that guy, the guy you've never heard of, has like six belts on his arm.

02:49:01.000 There's like a silver championship.

02:49:02.000 There's intercontinental championships.

02:49:04.000 Everybody gets belts.

02:49:05.000 There's ugly belts, too. 0.99

02:49:06.000 Boxing titles look like a fucking big old... 0.99

02:49:08.000 The UFC nailed it with that belt. 1.00

02:49:10.000 It looks like a fucking champion belt. 1.00

02:49:13.000 When Conor had two of them, he goes, where's my other fucking belt? 0.99

02:49:15.000 I want to be the champ champ. 0.98

02:49:17.000 He's got the two of them on his arms.

02:49:19.000 Look, man, there's no sport like it.

02:49:22.000 There's nothing like it.

02:49:23.000 Nothing's going to hurt it. 0.99

02:49:25.000 As long as people are interested, as long as people enjoy it as much as I enjoy it, as much as I enjoy watching it, as much as I enjoy calling it, as long as that's going to be the case, there's always going to be kids coming up like the Sean O'Malley kid, that wild motherfucker. 0.98

02:49:38.000 Have you seen that kid? 0.98

02:49:40.000 Instagram is just all him smoking weed. 1.00

02:49:42.000 He's a fucking savage. 1.00

02:49:43.000 He's out there just doing bong hits, kicking people in the face. 1.00

02:49:46.000 Dumb afro. 1.00

02:49:46.000 I love it. 1.00

02:49:47.000 I love that guy.

02:49:48.000 He's an animal. 1.00

02:49:49.000 And that fucking kid is like, this is this new breed. 1.00

02:49:51.000 There's this new guy. 1.00

02:49:52.000 They love it so much.

02:49:53.000 And when they're doing it, they love it so much.

02:49:55.000 And they're so good.

02:49:56.000 And they're going to be better.

02:49:57.000 The next generation, they're just going to keep getting better and better and better.

02:50:00.000 And that's what Conor did as well.

02:50:01.000 Yes, he opened up that window because everyone's going to get paid a lot more money.

02:50:04.000 You see people talking about hundreds of millions of dollars at stake.

02:50:08.000 It's like everyone's going, huh, okay. 0.98

02:50:10.000 That sugar Sean O'Malley could be a fucking multi-multi-millionaire in a couple years. 0.99

02:50:16.000 I'm not bullshitting. 0.99

02:50:17.000 That kid could be huge.

02:50:19.000 And that's just off his CBD oil company.

02:50:21.000 He's a wild man. 1.00

02:50:22.000 He's a fucking wild man, too. 1.00

02:50:24.000 The way he fights. 1.00

02:50:24.000 Was he gaming? 1.00

02:50:25.000 He's got one of them gaming chairs.

02:50:29.000 But he's good, man.

02:50:31.000 And the thing about him is he's like super creative.

02:50:34.000 What is that thing down that...

02:50:35.000 Go to the left-hand side and scroll down to that video of him working out.

02:50:38.000 What is he doing there?

02:50:39.000 What is he doing here? 1.00

02:50:40.000 He does a lot of weird, crazy shit. 1.00

02:50:43.000 Like that. 1.00

02:50:44.000 Yeah, like he's practicing.

02:50:45.000 And he does that 360 takedown to the back control.

02:50:49.000 I mean, he might not ever do that in real life, but he might hit that all the time.

02:50:53.000 See, he does that high kick, but look at the spin.

02:50:55.000 See that spin for the guard pass?

02:50:57.000 That's very confusing, because a lot of times guys dive straight in, and guys who are good, especially the half guard, wind up wrapping them up real quick.

02:51:04.000 But he does a spin around it.

02:51:08.000 The way he hits that, if he does that over and over and over again, I bet he can do that in a fight.

02:51:13.000 Well, that's a cool thing about now. 0.95

02:51:14.000 I think Anthony Pettis was that first holy fuck moment with the last WEC event ever, the jumping kick or whatever.

02:51:22.000 But you get guys that are so athletic now, and now that there's so much money in the sport, guys that might have went into... 0.94

02:51:27.000 You know, football or basketball.

02:51:29.000 Now we're looking at MMA as an option, whereas you just kind of weren't getting that years ago.

02:51:34.000 So they're super athletes.

02:51:35.000 Think about that, dude.

02:51:36.000 How dangerous are these guys going to get?

02:51:37.000 I always wonder about that.

02:51:38.000 Like, are they ever going to get too dangerous where they're going to have to alter the rules because they're too athletic?

02:51:42.000 They can cause too much damage.

02:51:44.000 They're not going to be much different than the best of the best now, like a Francis Ngannou or a Stipe Miocic or a Tyron Woodley.

02:51:52.000 When you look at a guy like Tyron Woodley, that is about as explosive as a man who can step on a scale at 170 pounds for a brief amount of time can get.

02:51:59.000 Yeah, and as good as they get, the competition kind of gets better, too.

02:52:02.000 So yeah, if Tyron Woodley fought people from UFC 2, you'd be like, this should be illegal. 0.98

02:52:06.000 We will murder these people. 0.88

02:52:08.000 Run Scott Morozo versus Tyron Woodley. 1.00

02:52:10.000 Tyron Woodley could fight seriously.

02:52:12.000 60 people in a row from UFC 10. Tyron is only 170. I mean, he wouldn't be...

02:52:17.000 But if they had real 170 fighters...

02:52:19.000 But he's not really 170. Toys was 170. Yeah, he's bigger than Toys.

02:52:22.000 He's really about 205-ish. 0.99

02:52:25.000 But, oh yeah, he fucked a lot of those guys up. 0.90

02:52:26.000 From UFC 5? 0.99

02:52:27.000 He fucked those heavyweights up.

02:52:28.000 What would UFC when you start having problems? 0.97

02:52:30.000 It would be like UFC 50 before it would even be an issue.

02:52:33.000 You get into Don Frye.

02:52:34.000 Once you got into Don Frye.

02:52:35.000 Don Frye was a big fella.

02:52:36.000 Yeah, but time runs so quick.

02:52:38.000 He's very quick.

02:52:38.000 He might just land a knockout shot before Don Fry could do anything.

02:52:41.000 Don Fry could also take a tremendous punch.

02:52:43.000 Remember that fight with Don Fry and Takayama where they just stood in front of each other and wailed at each other?

02:52:47.000 Bam, bam, bam, bam. 0.99

02:52:49.000 They both just landed right hand after right hand like a fucking movie. 0.99

02:52:52.000 It was one of the craziest things anybody ever saw ever in the movie. 0.99

02:52:55.000 This crazy tournament won't go down!

02:52:57.000 Don Frye's a man's man.

02:52:59.000 He's hilarious.

02:52:59.000 Have you had him on the podcast?

02:53:01.000 No, I have not.

02:53:01.000 I would love to though.

02:53:02.000 He was a boss and he's a great personality too.

02:53:06.000 We had him call in a few times.

02:53:08.000 He's an animal. 1.00

02:53:08.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:53:09.000 He's hilarious. 0.99

02:53:10.000 And he paid the price physically for that career.

02:53:13.000 You know, he's had some serious health consequences like real neck injuries and back injuries.

02:53:17.000 His body just got beat the fuck up.

02:53:20.000 Like he had real neck and back problems. 0.99

02:53:23.000 You know, from all those punches and takedowns and neck cranks and all that shit, you know? 0.93

02:53:27.000 He was there the early, early, early days, too. 0.98

02:53:29.000 Yeah, this is the one.

02:53:30.000 Look, he gets hit with a knee, and they get in a clinch.

02:53:32.000 They're just wailing on each other.

02:53:34.000 It's crazy, dude.

02:53:35.000 But this is why we got into MMA. Look at this.

02:53:38.000 This is fucking crazy. 0.99

02:53:40.000 I mean, look at these guys. 1.00

02:53:41.000 I mean, it doesn't seem real.

02:53:43.000 It literally doesn't seem real.

02:53:45.000 That they could just stand and wail on each other and Takayama's face is just a swollen mess after this.

02:53:50.000 Don Frye's cut on the forehead. 0.99

02:53:52.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99

02:53:54.000 But Don Frye, he was one of the first guys to figure out a way to shut down. 0.99

02:53:59.000 We were talking about the other day with Pat Miletic, shut down Brazilian Jiu Jitsu guys like this. 1.00

02:54:03.000 Look at his fucking mount. 0.99

02:54:05.000 He was a real good wrestler and he had a very good top game and he also was a good boxer too. 1.00

02:54:10.000 And just a fucking stud. 0.99

02:54:13.000 Just a stud. 1.00

02:54:13.000 And not the biggest guy in the world either. 1.00

02:54:15.000 When he first fought in the UFC, I believe he was only 200 pounds.

02:54:20.000 And he fought a guy who was like three-something and fucked him up in like six seconds.

02:54:24.000 He fought some big overweight guy and he cracked him with a jab and dropped him with a jab and just beat him down on the ground real quick.

02:54:30.000 I think he beat everyone until he ran into Mark Coleman in the UFC and then that was just this giant wrestler.

02:54:36.000 Too big, too strong.

02:54:37.000 Literally how me and Dave Smith became friends.

02:54:39.000 We were roommates and we started renting UFC like...

02:54:43.000 That's how we got into UFC? Yeah, best of knockout videos together, smoking blunts, drinking Heineken.

02:54:48.000 Old school.

02:54:49.000 Bruce Beck days.

02:54:50.000 You know what's weird is that we got into it and like right around the time that we were getting into UFC the ultimate fighter dropped.

02:54:57.000 So it was almost like we got into it at the same time that the country got into it. 0.93

02:55:01.000 Like we got into it a few months earlier and then all of a sudden this thing no one gave a shit about was just like blowing up. 0.53

02:55:07.000 I remember we got to do it during season one so much that season two of The Ultimate Fighter was coming out. 0.75

02:55:10.000 We were like, dude, this is it.

02:55:11.000 Season two, Ultimate Fighter. 0.99

02:55:12.000 This is fucking nuts. 0.99

02:55:13.000 Fight's on TV. Let's do it. 1.00

02:55:15.000 And there wasn't a fight in the first episode of season two.

02:55:18.000 We were furious.

02:55:18.000 We almost broke our TV. We watched a real world episode.

02:55:23.000 It was ridiculous. 0.91

02:55:23.000 It was the real world. 0.91

02:55:25.000 That's funny, but it was also like a perfect storm of like people getting interested in it and then having that Ultimate Fighter reality show back in the days where people, you know, I still watched reality shows back then.

02:55:35.000 Now you can't even fucking hold a gun to my head and get me to watch a reality show unless they're trying to survive in Alaska.

02:55:41.000 I got like five of those saved. 0.99

02:55:42.000 I love those shows.

02:55:43.000 Like Life Below Zero, that's my jam, dude.

02:55:46.000 I love that show. 0.98

02:55:47.000 They're out there finding salmon shit to eat and just chopping down trees, trying to stay alive. 0.99

02:55:53.000 That I could maybe get into. 0.98

02:55:54.000 But I will say, I think there's something interesting about the post-reality show world.

02:55:58.000 Like we got over reality shows, but I feel like we're never the same.

02:56:01.000 Like you never quite go back to like, even just like in like what you do with this show versus a radio show.

02:56:06.000 Like you're not starting to like, hello!

02:56:12.000 We don't want any of that now we just want like an honest conversation I feel like in entertainment in general you want something that it just seems it's not um as showy It's more just like what real life would be.

02:56:23.000 Yeah.

02:56:23.000 Yeah, that's that's what people want for sure You know I mean and the thing about it is it's like it's led to a guy who was a reality star was the president that's as weird as it gets and Yeah.

02:56:34.000 I mean, that is a reality star president.

02:56:36.000 He's not a politician, just a businessman, got on a TV show, was a big-time celebrity, and now he won a popularity contest.

02:56:44.000 So he's the runner of the country. 0.99

02:56:46.000 If that isn't an advertisement for just fucking motivation... 0.99

02:56:50.000 I don't know what you want to say. 0.98

02:56:51.000 Like, he just said, I want that. 1.00

02:56:52.000 Or just an advertisement for how much fucking the system sucks. 1.00

02:56:56.000 That's my favorite thing about Donald Trump. 1.00

02:56:58.000 I used to have to really argue with lefties about how democracy is a flawed system, but now you just look at it and you're like, yeah, so how about that? 0.98

02:57:05.000 Yeah, he was able to convince more fucking dummies than your person was, and now he's your leader. 0.97

02:57:10.000 Awesome if you have four people and they're all equally intelligent. 0.99

02:57:12.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:57:13.000 We all get together and figure something out rationally.

02:57:16.000 But when you get to a place where you can't even communicate with those people anymore, because there's 300 million of you, and you're scattered across a continent, but you're all supposed to be on the same team voting over really important issues that you probably don't even know anything about, like what you were talking about earlier about assault weapons or fracking.

02:57:31.000 You bring up anything to certain people.

02:57:33.000 Offshore drilling.

02:57:34.000 What?

02:57:34.000 What are we doing?

02:57:35.000 I don't even know if we're supposed to be for or against fracking.

02:57:38.000 I have no idea.

02:57:38.000 You definitely shouldn't be for it.

02:57:40.000 I don't think it's proven that it's safe long term.

02:57:43.000 Because they're getting into water supplies.

02:57:45.000 They're causing earthquakes.

02:57:47.000 There's a lot of real consequences.

02:57:49.000 There's definitely a lot of There's also definitely a lot of wealth that was created, a lot of energy that was created.

02:57:54.000 And energy does very positive things, but I agree with you on that.

02:57:57.000 It's positive and negative.

02:57:58.000 The problem is everybody wants to discount the negative or discount the positive.

02:58:02.000 And I agree with you.

02:58:03.000 Yes, no one agrees that it's actually a cost-benefit ratio.

02:58:06.000 But the thing that's, like what you were saying before, with four people, democracy works.

02:58:09.000 But I think a lot of it is, like, okay, so if we get into a fucking thing, like, let's say we're in a car crash, and one of the people in the car, or a car breaks down, rather, and one of the people in the car is a mechanic.

02:58:20.000 We don't sit here and go like, well, let's vote over who gets to do this. 0.90

02:58:23.000 You just go, well, you're a mechanic. 0.87

02:58:24.000 If the three of us are out in the fucking woods hunting elk, me and Louis don't go like, well, I think we should do it this way. 0.97

02:58:30.000 We go, Joe, you've done this a lot before. 0.98

02:58:32.000 Dude, you don't know me that well, do you? 0.99

02:58:33.000 All right, Louis is going to be a dick in the woods. 0.99

02:58:34.000 Joe, give me that bow. 1.00

02:58:35.000 He's going to ruin the whole experience.

02:58:38.000 Most of the time, just pure voting isn't how you get to something.

02:58:41.000 You defer to experts.

02:58:42.000 And when you just have this voting thing where it's like, well, we'll all just cast a vote. 0.99

02:58:46.000 The dumb people, the same as the smart people. 0.99

02:58:48.000 The educated, the same as the uneducated. 1.00

02:58:50.000 You end up with this competition to just say bullshit that gets anyone up. 0.96

02:58:55.000 Well, I'm gonna make America great again. 0.99

02:58:57.000 Well, Donald Trump empowers the worst elements of our society. 1.00

02:59:00.000 And you're like, this is all fucking retarded. 1.00

02:59:01.000 I gotta pee again. 1.00

02:59:02.000 I can't believe this.

02:59:03.000 Should we end it?

02:59:05.000 Or should we keep going?

02:59:07.000 We're at three hours?

02:59:08.000 Alright, we should end it. 0.94

02:59:08.000 If two of the three of us need a pig. 0.94

02:59:10.000 Listen, I'm so excited that we did this.

02:59:12.000 We gotta do this more often.

02:59:13.000 Absolutely, dude.

02:59:13.000 When are you guys gonna be in LA again?

02:59:14.000 Next time you invite us on?

02:59:15.000 Alright, we'll do this again.

02:59:17.000 This is, surprisingly, it worked really well with four people, too.

02:59:21.000 Thanks, Jeff.

02:59:22.000 We didn't step on each other.

02:59:23.000 It was a lot of fun, man.

02:59:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:59:24.000 Thank you.

02:59:24.000 And Legion's Gangs, of course, is available everywhere.

02:59:27.000 Are you guys on YouTube as well, or just on iTunes?

02:59:29.000 Oh yeah, Legion Skanks is everywhere. 1.00

02:59:31.000 We have our own platform called GasDigitalNetwork.com.

02:59:33.000 That's our network.

02:59:34.000 Skankfest is?

02:59:35.000 July 14th and 15th.

02:59:37.000 Pre-sale tickets April 2nd.

02:59:38.000 Go to R.H.F.E.R.'s Twitter for more details.

02:59:43.000 Tickets on sale when?

02:59:44.000 April 2nd is pre-sale.

02:59:46.000 It's going to be nuts.

02:59:46.000 And where do they buy the tickets?

02:59:48.000 SkankfestNYC.com.

02:59:49.000 Alright.

02:59:50.000 Alright, everybody.

02:59:51.000 Thank you.

02:59:51.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 28, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1097 - Legion of Skanks

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