The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1251 - Tim Dillon

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00:00:06.000 No?

00:00:11.000 Yes?

00:00:11.000 Okay, it's live.

00:00:12.000 It's been fucking up a little bit lately. 0.79

00:00:14.000 How are you, man? 0.86

00:00:15.000 How are you?

00:00:16.000 Good to see you.

00:00:16.000 Thanks for having me.

00:00:17.000 My pleasure, my pleasure.

00:00:18.000 You brought me a nice conspiracy book.

00:00:21.000 I want you back.

00:00:21.000 Nice.

00:00:22.000 I want you back.

00:00:24.000 I got bored with it.

00:00:25.000 Yeah, I get you.

00:00:26.000 I know.

00:00:27.000 I just had a lunch with Eric Von Daniken.

00:00:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:00:31.000 And he's the author of Chariots of the Gods.

00:00:34.000 The last two hours we've been talking ancient aliens.

00:00:36.000 I was deep, when I was like in my late teens, I was deep in Zachariah Sitchin.

00:00:41.000 Yeah.

00:00:42.000 Anunnaki. 0.64

00:00:43.000 Nephilim.

00:00:43.000 I'm pronouncing it wrong.

00:00:45.000 Nephilim, I think.

00:00:45.000 Nephilim.

00:00:46.000 Planet X. Yeah.

00:00:48.000 Nibiru.

00:00:48.000 All over.

00:00:49.000 Yeah, that's a lot of the conversation we had today at lunch.

00:00:53.000 It's very interesting.

00:00:54.000 The problem with someone, I mean, he's not a dishonest person, I'm not saying that, but the problem with anybody that is involved with a book like this is that you're so all in.

00:01:04.000 You're so committed to this idea.

00:01:07.000 Like I asked him, the first thing I asked him was like, what is the most compelling piece of evidence?

00:01:11.000 And He said the tablet in Palenque.

00:01:16.000 I don't know if you're aware of that one.

00:01:17.000 The one of the Aztec guy.

00:01:21.000 I guess it's an Aztec or a Mayan.

00:01:22.000 I guess it's a Mayan guy.

00:01:23.000 It's Mayan.

00:01:24.000 He's laying back.

00:01:26.000 It looks like in some sort of a throne with fire below him. 1.00

00:01:29.000 And he's manipulating these knobs and shit. 0.98

00:01:33.000 And that means that aliens landed and seeded them with technology. 0.99

00:01:37.000 Yeah.

00:01:37.000 Yeah, they always make a little bit of a jump.

00:01:39.000 It's a big one.

00:01:40.000 That's the evil Knievel.

00:01:41.000 It's a little...

00:01:43.000 I think?

00:01:59.000 The more interesting ones in the art depictions, there's some really ancient depictions of people that look like they're in these flying saucer type things.

00:02:08.000 Like they're flying through the air and they're in some sort of painting.

00:02:13.000 Those are really interesting because what were they trying to say?

00:02:17.000 What were they depicting in those things?

00:02:19.000 Yeah.

00:02:19.000 I mean, it's all very interesting, but I think you've had Graham Hancock on.

00:02:23.000 So to me, when I heard him, I was like, that makes more sense that we were just a civilization that had reached an apex.

00:02:30.000 Yeah.

00:02:31.000 And it got wiped out by some cataclysmic event.

00:02:34.000 Yeah.

00:02:34.000 And then we had to rebuild.

00:02:36.000 But does he think that we got all of our technology from otherworldly sources?

00:02:41.000 Or no?

00:02:41.000 Not really, right?

00:02:41.000 Graham doesn't.

00:02:42.000 He doesn't.

00:02:43.000 Graham is much more in line with this theory that Dr. Robert Schock has been putting forth.

00:02:49.000 He was one of the weirder ones that I've had on the podcast.

00:02:52.000 First of all, because he's a rock-solid geologist.

00:02:55.000 Right.

00:02:55.000 Professor at Boston University.

00:02:57.000 Like, really well-established.

00:02:59.000 His credentials are, you know...

00:03:02.000 They're as good as it gets, and he was saying that he thinks that there was a mass coronal ejection somewhere around 12,000 years ago, and it was literally raining lightning all over the world, and it decimated the population of land mammals and people.

00:03:18.000 Is this what got the dinosaurs?

00:03:20.000 No, no, no, no.

00:03:21.000 This is way later.

00:03:22.000 I apologize.

00:03:23.000 This is like...

00:03:24.000 My bad.

00:03:25.000 This is, they think, in the neighborhood of 12,000 years ago.

00:03:29.000 They think this is...

00:03:30.000 Oh, so this is recent.

00:03:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:31.000 Okay.

00:03:32.000 Yeah.

00:03:32.000 This is what Graham Hancock's work indicates as well.

00:03:36.000 See, Graham Hancock and him were together on the Sphinx because Robert Schock was the geologist they brought in to examine the erosion marks on the Temple of the Sphinx.

00:03:46.000 Yeah.

00:03:47.000 And his conclusion was that this is the result of thousands of years of rainfall.

00:03:52.000 The problem with that was the last time there was significant rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9000 BC. So you'd have to have thousands of years before that to create these deep water-based fissures or water-created fissures.

00:04:05.000 So they're saying the Sphinx was there a lot longer than we imagined.

00:04:08.000 Yeah.

00:04:08.000 So that coincides with a lot of these, the people that want to push back the dates of civilization, what they think is, it all points to something big happening at the end of the Ice Age.

00:04:19.000 Yeah.

00:04:20.000 So something big happening between 12,000 and 10,000 years ago.

00:04:23.000 Wow.

00:04:24.000 Why don't mainstream scientists just go...

00:04:26.000 Now, I'm sure there's a reason for this.

00:04:28.000 I think there's a reason that mainstream thought leaders in any area don't allow the fringe in.

00:04:34.000 What's the big thing here with keeping these guys...

00:04:38.000 Is it that they would just have to go back and re-look at every history book?

00:04:41.000 Well, in the beginning, there was nothing, right?

00:04:43.000 So when these guys were proposing this, there was very little evidence.

00:04:46.000 But now the evidence is stacking up, and there's all these ancient structures that they're finding, like Gobekli Tepe in Turkey.

00:04:51.000 Yeah, that one's...

00:04:52.000 Yeah, once they found that one, and they realized that it was intentionally covered up 12,000 years ago.

00:04:59.000 So this is like, this is undeniable.

00:05:02.000 Everyone agrees on it.

00:05:03.000 Yeah.

00:05:03.000 And so then they have to say, okay, well then hunter-gatherers must have made this, because 12,000 years ago, that's all we had was hunter-gatherers.

00:05:09.000 But it's really sophisticated construction, and it's very difficult to do, and they're enormous, and they have three-dimensional animals that are carved into them.

00:05:17.000 Yeah.

00:05:17.000 Which means...

00:05:18.000 They actually had to carve away the outside to create the animal.

00:05:22.000 Instead of carving the animal into the stone, they actually carved the stone out around the animal.

00:05:26.000 So these animals are like climbing on the outside of these stone columns.

00:05:29.000 It's really weird stuff.

00:05:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:31.000 But who the fuck knows? 0.98

00:05:33.000 I lean more towards cataclysmic disaster because there's so many of them that we know for sure have happened. 0.99

00:05:40.000 Right.

00:05:41.000 Between the 165 million years ago and the Yucatan that they think killed the dinosaurs.

00:05:46.000 I was reading about the Ark Storm.

00:05:48.000 That's going to hit LA, which will just be 60 days of rain.

00:05:52.000 When's that?

00:05:52.000 It happens every 200 years.

00:05:54.000 I mean, you know, this is an article I read.

00:05:56.000 Every 200 years, LA and the area gets 60, 90 days of rain, and everybody has to move and things.

00:06:03.000 This is supposedly what...

00:06:05.000 Somebody sang.

00:06:06.000 Somebody.

00:06:06.000 So I'm with a bunch of panicked comedians who are all thinking about...

00:06:10.000 They're worried about the arc storm now. 1.00

00:06:12.000 It's fun to think about stupid shit. 1.00

00:06:14.000 Oh, it's the best. 1.00

00:06:15.000 It's thinking about conspiracies and Bigfoot and UFOs and shit like that. 0.98

00:06:20.000 It teaches you how to think. 0.98

00:06:22.000 When I was a teenager, I was smoking weed with my buddies.

00:06:25.000 You'd have to research these things.

00:06:28.000 You'd have to cross-reference information.

00:06:30.000 You couldn't just swallow the narrative.

00:06:33.000 You had to literally go, and then you'd have to use critical thinking to go, does this make sense?

00:06:37.000 Would this have happened?

00:06:40.000 Maybe could Harvey Oswald, would he have acted alone?

00:06:44.000 You have to think about all these things.

00:06:46.000 I do think since Trump got elected, conspiracy theorists have been demonized.

00:06:52.000 And nobody talks about that.

00:06:53.000 Well, it was always going on.

00:06:55.000 Even before that, they were being demonized.

00:06:57.000 But yeah, for sure.

00:06:58.000 Everybody's worried about the other groups, which is fair. 0.99

00:07:00.000 I get that.

00:07:01.000 The people in the cage is no good.

00:07:03.000 I'm not for any of that.

00:07:04.000 People in the cage?

00:07:05.000 Well, the kids in the cages is not good.

00:07:07.000 What do you mean?

00:07:07.000 The family separation at the border.

00:07:10.000 There's real stuff.

00:07:11.000 But I think that people think that conspiracy theories got Trump elected.

00:07:16.000 So now it's cool to hate conspiracy theorists.

00:07:20.000 Or people that are like, let's take another look at this.

00:07:23.000 There's so many factors that got Trump elected.

00:07:25.000 It's a perfect storm of people getting fed up with political correctness.

00:07:31.000 Someone coming along that's not a politician.

00:07:34.000 The system is so rigged that after a while you're just like, Jesus Christ, how many more of these fake puppets are we going to put in office?

00:07:42.000 I say this to comics.

00:07:43.000 I'm like, everybody's done a show where everybody goes out and bombs with their material. 0.98

00:07:47.000 And then one guy gets up and just goes, fuck this, and screams and yells and destroys. 0.99

00:07:54.000 Because that's what the room wanted the whole night. 0.99

00:07:56.000 They wanted somebody to come up and just realize how fucked everything was and how nobody was having a good time. 0.99

00:08:01.000 And that's kind of what Trump was. 0.99

00:08:03.000 Trump was the guy that came out and just riffed.

00:08:26.000 Yeah.

00:08:28.000 And he's talking about Ben Carson's book and that Ben Carson had admitted to going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend.

00:08:36.000 I mean, these are...

00:08:38.000 And Trump is talking about it.

00:08:40.000 Me and my friend were driving out of New York City.

00:08:43.000 We were laughing so hard.

00:08:45.000 I said, this guy's...

00:08:46.000 I said, he's going to win.

00:08:47.000 I said, I'll tell you why he's going to win.

00:08:50.000 I cannot stop watching this.

00:08:53.000 I can't.

00:08:54.000 I am so fixated by the idea that there's a guy like this on the national stage and he's saying whatever he wants.

00:09:04.000 There was something intoxicating about that.

00:09:07.000 A lot of the things he was saying were horrible, but he was saying them.

00:09:11.000 And then on the other side, you had Hillary Clinton who was just a scripted Well, in this case, 1.00

00:09:27.000 for sure.

00:09:28.000 It was a perfect You know, polar opposite between him and her.

00:09:34.000 Yeah.

00:09:34.000 You know, no experience versus vast amounts of experience.

00:09:38.000 Right.

00:09:38.000 No real experience in the real world versus vast amount of experiences.

00:09:44.000 Yeah.

00:09:44.000 I mean, there was a lot going on between the two of them.

00:09:46.000 It was...

00:09:48.000 It's a bad way to choose how the world runs.

00:09:53.000 It really is.

00:09:54.000 It's very bad to look at candidates and go, who's the most entertaining?

00:09:58.000 Well, it's also a bad idea to have one person, right? 0.69

00:10:01.000 It's a bad idea to have this same system that was in place back when there was fucking, you know, a thousand people here.

00:10:08.000 But I think we really don't, like we have one person that seems like we have one figurehead, but we have kind of this permanent political class of people, a nexus of powerful institutions where you have career politicians, career diplomats, career military service people that kind of don't leave.

00:10:26.000 So I think that's one of the reasons that we haven't changed the system is because one person can't ever do that much.

00:10:34.000 Even though Trump is wild and crazy and he's done a lot of bad things, I don't think he would be allowed to deviate from many of the policies that his predecessors had kind of established.

00:10:47.000 I think that the American government – and that's why the term like the deep state, which a lot of people ridicule. 0.71

00:10:53.000 It's an undeniably true thing. 0.97

00:10:55.000 I mean, our policies are not just one guy gets into office and he goes, here's how it is.

00:11:01.000 I mean, it's the result of a lot of private corporations lobbying, forming an agenda in a non-democratic way.

00:11:12.000 They're not accountable.

00:11:13.000 And a lot of these people that work at the CIA or the FBI or the NSA, a lot of them are appointed.

00:11:18.000 They're not elected.

00:11:19.000 We have no oversight.

00:11:21.000 We have, I think it's 22 intelligence agencies now.

00:11:25.000 Is there really that many?

00:11:26.000 I mean, it's something absurd.

00:11:28.000 How many could you name?

00:11:29.000 FBI, CIA, NSA, probably DEA. Is DEA an intelligence agency?

00:11:35.000 I wouldn't say it's an intelligence agency.

00:11:36.000 They probably have intelligence capabilities, I would imagine.

00:11:40.000 FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA. Yeah, the DIA, Directorate of Intelligence, the Pentagon.

00:11:47.000 I mean, I don't know if that's an entire agency, but I think it has capabilities.

00:11:51.000 But we have all of these different, I don't know if it's 22, but it's a lot.

00:11:54.000 And they're all competing with each other, too.

00:11:56.000 They're all competing because they all want money.

00:11:58.000 They all want a budget.

00:11:59.000 They all want...

00:11:59.000 And that's the thing.

00:12:00.000 People talk about the deep state.

00:12:01.000 It's like...

00:12:01.000 Look at them all.

00:12:02.000 Yeah.

00:12:02.000 Look at these guys.

00:12:04.000 Here they are.

00:12:04.000 Jesus.

00:12:05.000 Here are all the people that are listening.

00:12:06.000 You know what?

00:12:07.000 We're going to be excited.

00:12:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:08.000 The fucking space troops. 1.00

00:12:10.000 Now we have space troops. 1.00

00:12:11.000 Space force.

00:12:12.000 That's going to be good.

00:12:13.000 And why not?

00:12:14.000 Why not a space force?

00:12:15.000 Why not?

00:12:15.000 Well, eventually, right?

00:12:16.000 Eventually you're going to have to have it.

00:12:18.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:18.000 So why not have it now?

00:12:19.000 I don't know what the National Geospatial Intelligence thing does.

00:12:23.000 They can't be any more relevant than Space Force.

00:12:26.000 Click on that one.

00:12:26.000 National Geospatial Intelligence Agency.

00:12:29.000 They can't be any less important than the Space Force.

00:12:31.000 What? 0.99

00:12:32.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:12:33.000 How many people are working there? 0.99

00:12:35.000 Employees, 16,000.

00:12:37.000 16,000.

00:12:38.000 Look at their motto.

00:12:39.000 Scroll down a little bit.

00:12:40.000 Scroll down.

00:12:41.000 No earth, show the way, understand the world.

00:12:44.000 What?

00:12:45.000 Founded in 96. Clinton probably did it.

00:12:48.000 It's probably where he keeps his chicks. 1.00

00:12:49.000 Right, but this is what I mean.

00:12:51.000 What the hell are these people doing?

00:12:53.000 What is it?

00:12:54.000 16,000 employees with their motto, know the earth, show the way, understand the world.

00:13:00.000 That sounds like on a yoga studios, you know?

00:13:03.000 I mean, it's absurd.

00:13:04.000 But they get billions of dollars to do whatever.

00:13:07.000 Listen...

00:13:08.000 Put that back up there with the description.

00:13:11.000 Look at what it says there.

00:13:13.000 It's under the United States Department of Defense, an intelligence agency of the United States intelligence community with the primary mission of collecting, analyzing, and distributing geospatial intelligence in support of national security.

00:13:28.000 Which is what?

00:13:28.000 What does that mean?

00:13:29.000 What the hell is geospatial intelligence?

00:13:32.000 I mean, this is what I mean. 0.52

00:13:33.000 This is insane.

00:13:34.000 And if you ask a question, if you go, well, what do these guys do?

00:13:37.000 People yell at you.

00:13:38.000 Yeah.

00:13:39.000 You don't know?

00:13:40.000 You're a conspiracy theorist.

00:13:42.000 And you don't know this?

00:13:42.000 I just want to know what geospatial intelligence is.

00:13:45.000 Right. 0.99

00:13:45.000 It's probably something simple, and now I'm going to look like an idiot. 0.99

00:13:47.000 It says its intelligence about the human activity on Earth derived from the exploitation and analysis of imagery and geospatial information that describes, assesses, and visually depicts physical features and geographically referenced activities on the Earth. 0.92

00:14:04.000 I mean, this is...

00:14:07.000 I think that's how we would know that North Korea has a bomb site. 0.79

00:14:10.000 Is it satellites?

00:14:12.000 Satellite imagery?

00:14:13.000 I guess.

00:14:14.000 Well, there's probably a satellite agency, too.

00:14:16.000 I think we've uncovered a scam.

00:14:18.000 I think we've uncovered a pretend agency that nobody...

00:14:22.000 There's a guy right now panicked in the geospatial. 0.98

00:14:25.000 16,000 other employees going, shit, we're going to have to find a real job. 0.98

00:14:30.000 We're going to have to find a real job. 0.99

00:14:31.000 We've been studying shipping docks from space.

00:14:34.000 Yeah, we just got outed.

00:14:35.000 Yeah, I mean, it's just...

00:14:37.000 We just got outed on Rogue and it's completely...

00:14:39.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

00:14:40.000 That girl is not really there.

00:14:42.000 That is an actress. 0.99

00:14:44.000 100% that's an actress.

00:14:46.000 But this is what I mean.

00:14:46.000 If you look into this stuff, it starts to get crazy.

00:14:50.000 The amount of people that are doing things we have no idea what they're doing.

00:14:53.000 I mean, 10...

00:14:54.000 I just did a private gig at the Bethesda Country Club in Maryland.

00:14:58.000 Okay?

00:14:58.000 It's, you know, I'm still doing private gigs, sadly.

00:15:01.000 But you gotta, you know, it is.

00:15:02.000 Gotta do what you gotta do.

00:15:03.000 Gotta do what you gotta do.

00:15:05.000 I go to the Bethesda Country Club, Maryland.

00:15:07.000 It's the entire 10 counties around Washington, D.C. are the wealthiest counties in the world.

00:15:13.000 I mean, in our country.

00:15:15.000 And it's not because they're selling crab cakes.

00:15:17.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:18.000 It's all defense industry, Raytheon, DynCorp, things you've never heard of.

00:15:23.000 And it was a good gig.

00:15:24.000 They were funny.

00:15:25.000 I got up and I was like, what are we?

00:15:26.000 Are we carving up Venezuela?

00:15:28.000 They all laugh.

00:15:28.000 They're all clapping.

00:15:30.000 They're into it.

00:15:31.000 You know, they liked it.

00:15:32.000 Some people get mad.

00:15:33.000 I was like, I said last week I did a fundraiser for human trafficking victims.

00:15:37.000 This week I'm with the traffickers.

00:15:38.000 You guys are a lot more fun.

00:15:40.000 And they're clapping.

00:15:41.000 They love it.

00:15:41.000 They're leaning in.

00:15:43.000 That's good.

00:15:44.000 Leaning in.

00:15:46.000 They're, you know, they're morally compromised. 1.00

00:15:49.000 Well, they also hired a comedian to fuck with them. 1.00

00:15:52.000 Yes, that's a good point. 1.00

00:15:53.000 I mean, they expected it.

00:15:54.000 It's not like it came out of nowhere.

00:15:55.000 Well, you know, I mean, it's like, so that's the thing.

00:15:57.000 It's like, Trump bad.

00:15:58.000 But I don't know what the geospatial people are up to.

00:16:02.000 I don't want to throw my hat in with geospatial intelligence.

00:16:05.000 Yeah, I don't know what that means.

00:16:07.000 I mean, maybe we need it.

00:16:09.000 But listen, again, two stand-up comedians talking about what the world needs.

00:16:15.000 Yeah, it's not great. 0.99

00:16:16.000 It's fucking terrible. 0.99

00:16:17.000 It's not great. 0.99

00:16:18.000 I've been trying to stress this more than ever because of the fact that I have a microphone and people are listening. 0.99

00:16:24.000 Don't fucking pay attention to me, okay? 0.98

00:16:26.000 I am not right. 0.99

00:16:28.000 Well, the best thing is...

00:16:28.000 Well, listen, you don't know.

00:16:30.000 You might be right.

00:16:31.000 I might be right, but I'm definitely not an expert.

00:16:33.000 The best thing is if you go on Twitter and a comedian will tweet something really, you know, it's like, we're living in fascism.

00:16:40.000 And they get like 400,000 likes.

00:16:42.000 And then the next tweet, have you ever seen this?

00:16:44.000 They go, and while you guys are here, check out my web series.

00:16:50.000 And you go, if we're living in fascism...

00:16:54.000 You can't have a web series.

00:16:55.000 You can't have a web series.

00:16:57.000 And do I have the time to luxuriate in your web series?

00:17:01.000 Or should I start arming myself to overthrow the government?

00:17:06.000 I look at my phone, I'm like, which way should I go?

00:17:09.000 But that's all they do.

00:17:10.000 They go, by the way, while you're here, I have a Patreon.

00:17:13.000 We're doing a project.

00:17:15.000 I'd like you to throw a few bucks there, but we're living in fascism.

00:17:19.000 Well, the signal-to-noise ratio...

00:17:21.000 In terms of people tweeting, it's almost mostly noise.

00:17:26.000 Oh, it's noise.

00:17:26.000 There's a few people that are great.

00:17:28.000 You can follow a few people that are really posting about real news.

00:17:31.000 There's four.

00:17:33.000 There's some journalists.

00:17:34.000 There's 17 of them.

00:17:35.000 I think journalists are maybe the best people to follow on Twitter right now, it seems like.

00:17:39.000 But the problem is, who's a journalist?

00:17:41.000 There's very few.

00:17:42.000 Real journalism takes a long time.

00:17:45.000 It's expensive.

00:17:46.000 Like, real investigative journalism, and I've had some of these guys on my podcast, they come on, they go, they've ruined their life, they spent five years looking into something nobody cares about, they figured out it was true, and now nobody wants to talk to them.

00:17:56.000 They love white hair, their families hate them, they live in a little apartment in New York City.

00:18:01.000 That's a journalist.

00:18:02.000 Well, sometimes people do journalism right, and they do spend a long time working on a project, and it's in something like the New York Times, and no one cares.

00:18:11.000 No one cares.

00:18:11.000 Like the thing about Trump, like the report on Trump, the scathing report they thought was going to bring him down, literally it was in and out of the news cycle in a day or two.

00:18:19.000 Yeah, they don't care. 1.00

00:18:19.000 That guy just pops an extra Adderall and doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:18:22.000 He doesn't care. 1.00

00:18:23.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:18:25.000 He is the only guy that should ever write a motivational self-help book. 0.98

00:18:29.000 He's the only one with the secret.

00:18:31.000 Whatever the secret is, he's got it.

00:18:33.000 I think it's speed.

00:18:34.000 You think it's speed?

00:18:35.000 You think he's really...

00:18:36.000 Yeah.

00:18:36.000 Yeah, I do.

00:18:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:37.000 Might be getting...

00:18:38.000 I think it's speed.

00:18:39.000 I think he's on something.

00:18:40.000 I mean, I think this is the only way that it makes sense to me that a 70-plus-year-old man has that much energy. 0.76

00:18:46.000 A guy who doesn't exercise, eats fast food, and he's fucking bouncing off the walls, and he can campaign for days and days and days. 0.84

00:18:53.000 He's great. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Just slamming KFC double downs and filet of fishes. 1.00

00:18:56.000 Let me ask you this.

00:18:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:58.000 How often do you think he gets his dick sucked? 1.00

00:19:00.000 Good question. 1.00

00:19:01.000 And who's doing it?

00:19:02.000 Great question and not asked enough.

00:19:04.000 Probably not that much.

00:19:05.000 I don't think a guy like that is driven by sex.

00:19:08.000 I don't get that.

00:19:09.000 Maybe he does.

00:19:12.000 Melania seems to be not into it as much.

00:19:15.000 She seems a little upset with him.

00:19:16.000 She seems a bit cold.

00:19:17.000 But she's Slovenian or something? 0.99

00:19:19.000 Something like that.

00:19:20.000 They're cold.

00:19:20.000 I don't know.

00:19:21.000 That's a broad generalization.

00:19:23.000 They're white, so I can generally say what I want about them, Joe.

00:19:26.000 Okay?

00:19:27.000 Let me say what the hell I want about Eastern Europeans.

00:19:30.000 Can I not have Slovenians? 1.00

00:19:32.000 You can.

00:19:32.000 Okay, thank you.

00:19:34.000 She's cold.

00:19:35.000 Well, I think she's a little annoyed with them. 0.97

00:19:37.000 I mean, it's been very humiliating for her.

00:19:40.000 Well, they had the best life.

00:19:41.000 Yeah, up until he ran for president.

00:19:43.000 I mean, imagine telling his kids, he's like, I know you got world billionaires.

00:19:46.000 You'll party every day.

00:19:48.000 You do coke with impunity at some New York City nightclub.

00:19:51.000 When you're bored of that, you go to Europe, do it on a boat. 0.94

00:19:54.000 When you're bored of that, you go to some orgy in Athens. 0.91

00:19:56.000 That's all done. 0.96

00:19:57.000 But we're going to Canton, Ohio.

00:19:59.000 And I'm giving a speech.

00:20:01.000 And you can stand there, and every camera and every news reporter is going to watch every move you make for the rest of your life. 1.00

00:20:07.000 They're going to crawl up your ass with a microscope, too. 1.00

00:20:09.000 Yeah, and everyone hates you. 1.00

00:20:10.000 Yeah, and some of them might be going to jail.

00:20:13.000 I mean, we really don't know what's going on with this Mueller investigation.

00:20:16.000 Well, I think it's going to be disappointing.

00:20:19.000 Everybody's preparing us for disappointment.

00:20:21.000 Everybody has prepared us for disappointment.

00:20:23.000 Yeah, CNN is actually saying that, that don't expect much.

00:20:27.000 It's like when you get a report card and you tell your parents, you're like, no, I've changed, but I'm still me.

00:20:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:20:34.000 I'm still the guy who gets high before he goes into school and was caught smoking by the priest.

00:20:40.000 Like, I used to get caught smoking weed by the priest who was driving into my Catholic school and he would drive me to the school.

00:20:45.000 So I would be like, yeah, I've made some changes.

00:20:48.000 But I'm still very much that person that you guys raised.

00:20:52.000 So that, I think, is what the Mueller report is.

00:20:54.000 It's going to be like...

00:20:55.000 Trump... 1.00

00:20:56.000 The thing about Trump is he's corrupt. 1.00

00:20:57.000 He's a con man. 1.00

00:20:59.000 You know, he... 0.88

00:21:00.000 This whole wall...

00:21:01.000 There is no wall.

00:21:02.000 The wall's not coming.

00:21:03.000 Little links.

00:21:04.000 The wall's not happening.

00:21:05.000 There's some wall.

00:21:07.000 There's no wall.

00:21:08.000 There's people with signs that they finished the wall.

00:21:10.000 But this part...

00:21:11.000 This part of a wall...

00:21:12.000 There's more of a wall...

00:21:15.000 There's more of a wall around houses in Bel Air than there is at the border.

00:21:19.000 Well, you know, it's a smaller area, Bel Air.

00:21:22.000 Yeah, and there's probably more of a reason to have a wall, you know?

00:21:25.000 And the people that run Bel Air are probably more serious.

00:21:28.000 Yeah, yeah, there's definitely something to that.

00:21:31.000 You know, I don't know about this whole wall thing.

00:21:35.000 I really feel like it was one of those campaign slogans that he got stuck with, you know, build that wall. 0.99

00:21:41.000 And then once he got in, he's like, oh, Christ, I really got to build this fucking thing. 0.99

00:21:44.000 It's a slogan someone whispered into his ear. 0.99

00:21:47.000 You think?

00:21:47.000 Ann Coulter probably said, get out there and say, build the wall.

00:21:50.000 And he goes, that's good.

00:21:52.000 And then he just went out there, build that wall.

00:21:54.000 I love one of the speeches.

00:21:57.000 He doesn't really build things.

00:21:58.000 He lends his name to be franchised.

00:22:01.000 Yeah, he definitely does that. 0.93

00:22:02.000 The things he's built are disgusting.

00:22:06.000 If you go to Atlantic City, walk into any building he has built.

00:22:11.000 Chris Hedges wrote a book.

00:22:12.000 He's an interesting guy.

00:22:14.000 He wrote a book called America the Farewell Tour.

00:22:17.000 And he goes, he went to Trump Tower in Atlantic City.

00:22:19.000 He goes, there's junkies in the bathrooms. 0.99

00:22:22.000 There's like rats running around. 0.88

00:22:24.000 He's falling apart.

00:22:25.000 And he's like, that's kind of what America will be.

00:22:28.000 But no, anything he's built is not nice.

00:22:30.000 Did you watch it?

00:22:31.000 There was a documentary about an architect called Costas Karyanis.

00:22:34.000 And a lot of the documentary is about him convincing Trump to not make his building gold in New York City.

00:22:44.000 Is it gold in New York City?

00:22:46.000 No.

00:22:46.000 But it's gold in Vegas.

00:22:48.000 It's gold a lot of places.

00:22:49.000 But he was going to ruin the downtown of Manhattan with a gold building. 1.00

00:22:55.000 Why is that ruining it, though?

00:22:57.000 A gold building?

00:22:58.000 Why not?

00:22:59.000 You've spent too much time on the West Coast.

00:23:01.000 But why is that bad?

00:23:02.000 Why is it bad for it to be one color?

00:23:04.000 Is it better if it's all black or it's all white or it's silver?

00:23:07.000 New York has a look.

00:23:07.000 It has a feel.

00:23:08.000 You can't come in with a gold building.

00:23:10.000 It's not Vegas.

00:23:11.000 It's not Atlantic City.

00:23:12.000 This is not Reno.

00:23:13.000 Like Mandalay Bay.

00:23:15.000 What goes on in a gold building?

00:23:16.000 I've never looked at a gold building and said, I bet what goes on there is honest and decent.

00:23:22.000 Gold buildings should be for doing coke and losing money.

00:23:25.000 That's what it's about.

00:23:26.000 You don't walk into a gold building and get a checkup.

00:23:29.000 That's a good point.

00:23:30.000 Yeah.

00:23:30.000 Yeah, that's a very good point.

00:23:31.000 That's what I think.

00:23:32.000 It's gaudy.

00:23:32.000 Yeah.

00:23:33.000 It's disgusting.

00:23:34.000 Yeah.

00:23:35.000 Yeah, gaudy is a weird thing, right?

00:23:37.000 Like, who's that good for?

00:23:38.000 Like, when you go to a place and it's got opulent chandeliers and gilded, you know, furniture. 0.96

00:23:43.000 It's for sociopaths who sacrifice human beings.

00:23:48.000 That's the way they want to live.

00:23:49.000 They want to live in a palatial, opulent environment and then just, you know.

00:23:55.000 I think Matt Taibbi said this.

00:23:57.000 He said that Trump is a poor person's idea of a rich person.

00:24:02.000 Absolutely.

00:24:03.000 That's what a poor person thinks about a rich person.

00:24:06.000 They think, oh, he's got his name on his jet.

00:24:08.000 He's got his name on his building.

00:24:10.000 The guys I grew up with in Long Island, if somebody went to them and said, hey, you could own the Miss Universe pageant.

00:24:16.000 You could have a building with your name on it.

00:24:19.000 You could be in the WWE. That would be amazing.

00:24:23.000 You'd be a winner.

00:24:23.000 They would be a winner.

00:24:24.000 Where I grew up in Long Island, that is the highest you can go.

00:24:29.000 So I think that's kind of what it is.

00:24:32.000 See, that's also what's appealing about him.

00:24:35.000 What's appealing about him is there is no veneer.

00:24:38.000 You don't get the idea that you're being played.

00:24:40.000 You get the idea, you know you're kind of being played, but you're being played on a level that you accept.

00:24:45.000 It's like when you go buy a car and you know the salesman.

00:24:47.000 I used to be in sales, so when I'll go to buy something, sometimes I know the salesman needs the sale, because I used to.

00:24:53.000 So sometimes I'll be like, yeah, whatever.

00:24:54.000 It is what it is.

00:24:57.000 I'll do it.

00:24:58.000 That's kind of, with Trump, you know you're being sold, but you're okay with it.

00:25:01.000 You let it happen.

00:25:03.000 What do you think is going to come after him?

00:25:05.000 It seems like he's throwing a giant monkey wrench into the gears.

00:25:09.000 If Twitter is any indication, a prolonged civil conflict...

00:25:16.000 Where some will emerge as a few different nation states.

00:25:21.000 We'll barter with each other.

00:25:23.000 I don't know.

00:25:24.000 Maybe Joe Biden and then nothing.

00:25:25.000 He's got no chance.

00:25:27.000 Who's coming?

00:25:28.000 I don't know.

00:25:30.000 She's got no chance.

00:25:31.000 Bernie they hate now.

00:25:32.000 Yeah.

00:25:32.000 They hate Bernie now?

00:25:33.000 A lot of people hate Bernie.

00:25:34.000 What happened?

00:25:35.000 I don't know.

00:25:35.000 I missed it.

00:25:36.000 Some guy on his staff was accused of sexual assault.

00:25:39.000 Oh, and now they hate Bernie because of that? 1.00

00:25:40.000 He's a rapist. 1.00

00:25:41.000 Well, you know that's what happens. 1.00

00:25:42.000 Bernie's out.

00:25:44.000 He's a white, straight male.

00:25:45.000 He doesn't get it.

00:25:46.000 He doesn't get it.

00:25:48.000 Plus, he has like two houses.

00:25:50.000 Yeah, he's worth like $300,000.

00:25:52.000 You know?

00:25:53.000 That offends people.

00:25:54.000 It does.

00:25:55.000 Yeah.

00:25:55.000 How'd you get that money?

00:25:56.000 Off the backs of poor people?

00:25:57.000 Yeah, in a country, by the way, where people make that in an hour on YouTube, you know?

00:26:01.000 Some people do.

00:26:02.000 Some people.

00:26:04.000 Logan Paul and all those guys.

00:26:06.000 Those guys, you know.

00:26:08.000 You see people in LA. I'll see a kid in LA on a skateboard.

00:26:10.000 I'm like, he's a millionaire.

00:26:11.000 He owns three houses because he's a YouTube live streamer.

00:26:15.000 Yeah, he's probably playing video games on Twitch.

00:26:17.000 Yeah.

00:26:18.000 Everything my parents told me to do, go to school, all that has impoverished my generation.

00:26:22.000 Everything they told us not to do, which is play video games, watch TV, get high, is making people billionaires.

00:26:28.000 It's amazing.

00:26:28.000 Yeah, they were wrong.

00:26:30.000 They were definitely wrong.

00:26:31.000 The boomers were wrong about everything. 1.00

00:26:32.000 Well, they didn't see this coming.

00:26:34.000 They didn't see this craziness coming.

00:26:35.000 They didn't see anything coming.

00:26:36.000 You know what concerns me is the rise of people that think that everyone owes them something.

00:26:45.000 Sure.

00:26:46.000 That's the weird one.

00:26:48.000 We were talking about AOC. She seems like a nice girl.

00:26:52.000 Good looking woman. 0.98

00:26:53.000 She's young.

00:26:54.000 She's got energy. 0.99

00:26:55.000 She wants to do good things.

00:26:57.000 She wants to do some good ones.

00:26:58.000 But I saw the one thing that said, give money to people who are unable or unwilling to work.

00:27:05.000 Yeah, that's not...

00:27:05.000 I saw that and I'm like...

00:27:06.000 That's not going to work.

00:27:07.000 Well, it's not.

00:27:07.000 And they pulled that out.

00:27:09.000 They pulled that part out.

00:27:10.000 The unwilling part.

00:27:11.000 And unable to work makes total sense.

00:27:12.000 You know, as a community, we should take care of the people who are hurting.

00:27:15.000 Most of the people I know in comedy are unable to work.

00:27:17.000 Most of us.

00:27:18.000 Most of us.

00:27:18.000 Yes.

00:27:19.000 This is the only thing we can do.

00:27:20.000 But her thing was a weird one because that thing unwilling to work, it's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 1.00

00:27:27.000 You just crossed over into Crazy Town.

00:27:30.000 But that means that Crazy Town was always in the back.

00:27:34.000 You always had that.

00:27:35.000 Yeah.

00:27:36.000 When you put that on paper, that means this is something that's been discussed.

00:27:40.000 Part of the appeal, and she just, I don't know how influential she was in getting Amazon to drop out of New York.

00:27:44.000 But I live in Queens, so everyone was paranoid Amazon was coming.

00:27:48.000 I was in a bagel, I know carbs are not good, but I was in a bagel shop.

00:27:51.000 I gave up dairy two weeks ago.

00:27:53.000 I'm turning it around.

00:27:55.000 I was in a bagel shop.

00:27:55.000 It was paranoid about Amazon.

00:27:57.000 Amazon's going to come.

00:27:58.000 We're all going to get priced out of our little shoeboxes that we live in.

00:28:01.000 Or some of the people that own those shoeboxes were like, I'm a millionaire now.

00:28:05.000 Because Amazon's coming.

00:28:07.000 But here's the thing.

00:28:09.000 It's hard to have a rational discussion about inequality right now.

00:28:12.000 Because in a place like New York City, it's so expensive to live.

00:28:16.000 And the reason for that is that it's a destination for foreign capital.

00:28:20.000 So essentially, a lot of the buildings in New York City, foreign people buy apartments.

00:28:24.000 They don't live in them.

00:28:25.000 They use it to launder money.

00:28:27.000 And they buy them, not even under their real name, they buy them under the name of a shell corp, like an LLC. And And then they have these investments, and it really makes everything insanely expensive.

00:28:38.000 That's what's making everything insane?

00:28:39.000 That's what's making a lot of real estate in New York City expensive.

00:28:42.000 If you've got to guess, what percentage of expensive apartments are owned like that?

00:28:46.000 I'll tell you, between 2008 and 2014, I think 50% of apartments going into contract were...

00:28:51.000 Because I do a show, but I used to be a double-decker tour guide in New York City.

00:28:54.000 And so I do a show, like a funny comedy show where I take, I sell tickets, I put people on a tour bus, and then we'd go around to these buildings and just scream at these buildings.

00:29:03.000 It's fun.

00:29:04.000 It should be illegal.

00:29:05.000 But it's fun.

00:29:06.000 And no one cares because they're not home because they're somewhere.

00:29:10.000 I mean, if you look at who owns these buildings, it's a guy who like, is maybe a guy who owns a mining company and he poisoned a river in Zambia.

00:29:17.000 A lot of these guys are doing things they shouldn't be doing and they want to stash their money in real estate.

00:29:22.000 London is more expensive than New York because London is all essentially shell corporations, these phantom buyers buying up real estate in London, in New York. 0.97

00:29:34.000 So you have people in New York that know the system is fucked. 0.65

00:29:37.000 They know the market's being artificially manipulated. 0.99

00:29:39.000 Bloomberg thought it was great.

00:29:41.000 Bloomberg goes, we want all the billionaires.

00:29:42.000 He said it.

00:29:43.000 That was his quote.

00:29:44.000 We want all the billionaires.

00:29:44.000 It's like, some of those billionaires have done things that would keep you up at night.

00:29:51.000 Boomer's like, bring them in. 1.00

00:29:52.000 They eat shrimp and steak.

00:29:54.000 They'll go to Peter Luger's.

00:29:55.000 Bring them in.

00:29:56.000 We love them.

00:29:57.000 We want all the billionaires.

00:29:57.000 He's just thinking of it as a businessman, right?

00:29:59.000 Well, that's the thing.

00:30:00.000 So people get fed up with this.

00:30:01.000 And dude, when I had my tour bus, people would get on from regular places like Pennsylvania, and I would just point and go, 10 million billion.

00:30:08.000 20 million.

00:30:09.000 30 million.

00:30:10.000 And these people just shift uncomfortably in their seats.

00:30:12.000 Like, what the hell's going on here?

00:30:14.000 I saw Trump getting elected during those tours.

00:30:17.000 Because I'm like, $100 million!

00:30:19.000 And they're sitting there like, what?

00:30:21.000 I can't afford a knee operation.

00:30:23.000 Well, the idea that Trump's not a part of that is even more crazy.

00:30:26.000 He is.

00:30:26.000 Well, listen, his building was a huge destination.

00:30:29.000 Russians love his building.

00:30:30.000 Yeah.

00:30:31.000 They love it.

00:30:31.000 They love a brand name.

00:30:32.000 They love the plaza.

00:30:33.000 They love his building.

00:30:34.000 And a lot of interesting characters lived in Trump Tower.

00:30:38.000 Didn't they take the Trump Tower name off of it?

00:30:41.000 In New York?

00:30:41.000 Yeah.

00:30:42.000 No, I don't think so.

00:30:43.000 There was one of the buildings where the people that owned the co-op decided to take the name off of it.

00:30:47.000 Oh, maybe.

00:30:48.000 Do you remember that? 0.99

00:30:49.000 There's a lot of shitty, like, Trump nursing homes, too. 0.99

00:30:51.000 Really? 0.99

00:30:51.000 As you drive into New York. 0.99

00:30:52.000 You know those nursing homes?

00:30:53.000 You know those elderly people are getting beaten.

00:30:55.000 It's hard to say.

00:30:58.000 Joe, you know they're getting fleeced and beaten.

00:31:00.000 You go by, you see Trump Pavilion.

00:31:03.000 It's like a Soviet-era architecture, horrible old-age home that's been there since the 70s. 0.68

00:31:08.000 And I'm like, man, I feel for the people in there.

00:31:11.000 The screams?

00:31:14.000 Another New York condo votes to remove Trump from name.

00:31:17.000 Yeah.

00:31:19.000 New York City condominium on Thursday will remove President Trump's name from the building's facade.

00:31:23.000 The second time in four months his name has been removed from a condo in the city.

00:31:27.000 55% of Trump-placed condo owners at 120 Riverside Boulevard in Manhattan voted in favor of removing the large sign above the front door.

00:31:37.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:31:38.000 Who cares?

00:31:39.000 These are self-important people.

00:31:41.000 No one cares.

00:31:42.000 They're worried about their investment.

00:31:45.000 Oh, that's a good point.

00:31:46.000 Yeah.

00:31:46.000 I think if you try to sell it and it's Trump Place, you're going to eliminate 50% of your buyers.

00:31:52.000 The dictators that are buying those apartments think it's great.

00:31:55.000 They probably don't.

00:31:57.000 Maybe they don't.

00:31:58.000 Maybe they're like, you know what?

00:31:58.000 Maybe you're right.

00:32:00.000 We'll probably go down the street to this no-name building and we'll be better off.

00:32:03.000 But a lot of his condos were sold to mafia and Russian business guys.

00:32:08.000 I mean, he's always had that...

00:32:34.000 Wow.

00:32:36.000 And I don't know if that means that he's – I don't think he's an asset of Putin or anything like that.

00:32:40.000 I don't believe that.

00:32:41.000 I think that's kind of just – I think a lot of people would like to believe that.

00:32:47.000 But he's a shady guy.

00:32:48.000 So if you have all these people pouring over his business deals for the last 50 years, it can't be good.

00:32:55.000 There could be an amazing movie about him.

00:32:57.000 Oh, there will be.

00:32:58.000 Yeah, and who would play him?

00:33:01.000 Good question. 0.86

00:33:02.000 Hopefully not a white man.

00:33:03.000 Christian Bale. 0.99

00:33:04.000 Let him get fat, just like he did with Dick Cheney.

00:33:07.000 If he can play Dick Cheney, he can play Trump.

00:33:09.000 He can play Trump.

00:33:10.000 He was a great Cheney.

00:33:11.000 I heard.

00:33:12.000 I haven't seen that movie yet.

00:33:13.000 I heard it was amazing.

00:33:15.000 You know, the movie, like a lot of people, the movie was good.

00:33:18.000 It was not, you know, the big short to me was amazing.

00:33:21.000 I don't think it was as good as that, but...

00:33:24.000 Christian Bale is phenomenal.

00:33:25.000 He's a phenomenal actor.

00:33:27.000 I mean, to gain that much weight, to become another person, that's the whole thing with Jussie Smollett. 0.97

00:33:32.000 It's like, all these actors are sociopaths. 0.90

00:33:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:35.000 They're all sociopaths. 1.00

00:33:37.000 Watch his Good Morning America interview and try not to laugh. 1.00

00:33:40.000 Well, now it's crazy when he said he's the gay Tupac. 0.66

00:33:44.000 Yeah. 0.66

00:33:45.000 Did you see that?

00:33:46.000 What did he say?

00:33:47.000 He fought back and hit those guys.

00:33:49.000 Like, oh my god.

00:33:50.000 What crisis PR firm is telling him to do that?

00:33:53.000 The gay Tupac? 0.82

00:33:54.000 No one's telling him to do that. 0.97

00:33:55.000 This is all...

00:33:56.000 This is...

00:33:57.000 Bridget Phetasy said it best. 1.00

00:33:58.000 She said this is like...

00:33:59.000 She's good.

00:33:59.000 She's hilarious.

00:34:00.000 Yeah.

00:34:00.000 She said this is what happens when you let actors write the script.

00:34:03.000 Well, that's true.

00:34:03.000 You see the plot twist coming a mile away.

00:34:05.000 Well, that's true.

00:34:05.000 I had dinner the other night.

00:34:06.000 I was in LA and an actor was at the table and he was talking and I'm like, I don't know who this guy is but he's not even the person he is at this table.

00:34:13.000 Right, right.

00:34:13.000 Like he...

00:34:15.000 He's trying out a person right now.

00:34:17.000 Have you ever been in that situation?

00:34:20.000 I don't know who he is, but he's not this guy.

00:34:22.000 He doesn't know who he is either.

00:34:23.000 He has no clue.

00:34:24.000 He's just a good-looking guy that's vapid.

00:34:26.000 He's full of nothing.

00:34:27.000 He wants to get famous.

00:34:28.000 ASAP. And they say things that other people are saying.

00:34:32.000 Here's one.

00:34:33.000 Good to see you.

00:34:34.000 When they meet you, they say good to see you because they might have met you and they don't want to forget.

00:34:38.000 100%.

00:34:39.000 I've said that before.

00:34:40.000 Nice to meet you.

00:34:41.000 They're like, actually, we met before. 1.00

00:34:42.000 I'm like, fuck. 0.99

00:34:43.000 Sorry, dude. 1.00

00:34:44.000 And they'll ask in a very strange way.

00:34:46.000 They'll be like, what's going on?

00:34:47.000 Yeah.

00:34:48.000 Like, what's up?

00:34:49.000 What's going on?

00:34:50.000 They want to be fed.

00:34:53.000 Yeah.

00:34:53.000 They want to be fed information.

00:34:54.000 Yeah.

00:34:55.000 It's like, what's going on?

00:34:56.000 And I'm like, well, you know.

00:34:58.000 A lot of projects. 1.00

00:35:00.000 A lot of crazy shit, bro. 1.00

00:35:00.000 Guest spotted flappers. 1.00

00:35:02.000 A lot of things happening.

00:35:04.000 Because they're always trying to move.

00:35:05.000 That's the thing about LA. New Yorkers just pound yourself into the ground until you get funny.

00:35:10.000 That's kind of what New York is. 0.69

00:35:12.000 The New York scene?

00:35:12.000 The New York scene is like...

00:35:14.000 Do 57 shows a day.

00:35:16.000 Give up on your life.

00:35:18.000 Don't speak to your family. 1.00

00:35:19.000 They're losers. 1.00

00:35:20.000 They're holding you back. 1.00

00:35:23.000 Go hard.

00:35:24.000 LA is like, make a friend, have lunch, see what happens.

00:35:28.000 I talk to some of the people out here, and I'm like, what's the plan?

00:35:31.000 I get nervous for them.

00:35:32.000 I'm like, what's the plan?

00:35:34.000 They're getting high.

00:35:35.000 It's midday.

00:35:36.000 I'm like, okay, it's Wednesday at 2. They're like, we just had a meeting.

00:35:40.000 I'm like, what'd you do?

00:35:41.000 They go, we're talking about starting a podcast.

00:35:43.000 I'm like, that's not a meeting.

00:35:44.000 You're just friends with someone else.

00:35:46.000 Yeah, you're talking about stuff.

00:35:48.000 That's nothing.

00:35:48.000 That's not a meeting.

00:35:49.000 But here's the thing.

00:35:50.000 It does work here.

00:35:51.000 And there are people that I know who've made the right friend and then their life changes.

00:35:54.000 Yeah, there's a little of that.

00:35:55.000 But those people are super transparent.

00:35:57.000 Yeah.

00:35:58.000 And if you don't have any talent, that's never going to catch.

00:35:59.000 No, it'll never work.

00:36:01.000 And then everybody resents you.

00:36:02.000 There's a few of those people that really don't have any talent, but they made the right friends and they cling on to folks and everybody gets real uncomfortable in that realm.

00:36:09.000 Well, that was the thing.

00:36:10.000 I think the first time we spoke is I'd written that thing about Louie and after Louie's, the whole news, but Louie happened.

00:36:14.000 Yeah.

00:36:15.000 I love that piece, by the way.

00:36:17.000 Thank you.

00:36:17.000 It was so accurate and honest.

00:36:19.000 Yeah, it was on Facebook, which is where I did a lot of my best work.

00:36:22.000 Explain what you were saying to people that didn't read it.

00:36:24.000 After Louie, a lot of people were rightly criticizing conduct and the whole Me Too thing.

00:36:30.000 That's all valid and 100% needs to happen.

00:36:32.000 But then there were people that were like, you know, Louie was never funny.

00:36:36.000 Yeah.

00:36:37.000 Of course he got all these things.

00:36:39.000 He was a white guy.

00:36:40.000 And I'm like, wait, what?

00:36:41.000 And they were like, well, he said this word I don't like.

00:36:43.000 Well, look at this joke.

00:36:45.000 And I'm like, guys, a week ago, he was a comic genius.

00:36:49.000 We all agreed on that.

00:36:50.000 That was a widely held belief.

00:36:52.000 Now, out of nowhere, he's not that funny.

00:36:55.000 And these people are tweeting this from parking lots where they're performing.

00:36:59.000 Some of these shows in LA are in someone's driveway.

00:37:02.000 Which is fine.

00:37:04.000 I do them.

00:37:04.000 I have no problem with that.

00:37:05.000 But they're getting on Twitter and knocking Louie from the back of a parking lot where they're doing a show.

00:37:10.000 The reason you gave for why they're doing it.

00:37:13.000 Because in any industry, people are going to get ahead by being...

00:37:30.000 I think?

00:37:42.000 Because I think greatness is something you have to risk constantly to get to that level.

00:37:48.000 So a lot of these people do very well, they make money, they're successful, but they are careerists and they're looking for comfort.

00:37:57.000 So when it was comfortable and safe to attack Louis and to bring Louis down and to elevate themselves, they did it.

00:38:04.000 But they didn't do it when it could have hurt their career a week earlier.

00:38:09.000 So to me it was very disingenuous and the fact that more people weren't calling it out.

00:38:15.000 And I made that point where I said the same thing on the other side of people who've styled themselves like I'm a free speech warrior.

00:38:23.000 I'm this anti-PC and their whole entire persona is the need to say the N-word. 0.97

00:38:30.000 They're like, I can't do a joke if the punchline isn't fag. 1.00

00:38:33.000 They're like, we have to. 0.77

00:38:34.000 So those to me are kind of the same people.

00:38:36.000 And they're the people that are just trying to arrange the world in a way that allows them to succeed.

00:38:41.000 Those are the types of people.

00:38:43.000 Also, like you were talking about the actor, they're putting on a facade.

00:38:48.000 Yeah, this is not who they are.

00:38:48.000 They've adopted a predetermined pattern of behavior.

00:38:51.000 100%. 0.98

00:38:51.000 And that predetermined pattern of behavior might be, I'm a guy, I drink every night, we go hard, I'm an artist, I smoke cigarettes, I don't give a fuck, I'm not trying to get on TV. Yeah, so to me it was incredibly disingenuous. 0.98

00:39:06.000 You had all these people, and a lot of them are angry and they're doing fine.

00:39:09.000 Yeah.

00:39:11.000 Some of these people have their own shows, and they're getting angry at Louie, and they're getting angry, and I'm like, there's a real...

00:39:17.000 Because here's the thing.

00:39:18.000 Artie Shafir told me something that made a lot of sense once.

00:39:19.000 He goes, it can really be a waste to get into this type of business and end up in an office writing for a show you don't care about, in a job you hate.

00:39:30.000 Punching a clock.

00:39:31.000 And that stuck with me.

00:39:32.000 And I always think it might be harder to go the other way and to build a fan base and to do what you want, but it's going to be better in the end.

00:39:40.000 And you're not going to be angry.

00:39:41.000 You're not going to be resentful.

00:39:43.000 And I think a lot of the people that were, again, shitting on his comedy, not so much his behavior, but his comedy, are people that would want more in this than they have.

00:39:54.000 And they're resentful at guys like Louie because it's not fair how talented he is.

00:39:59.000 Well, it's not just how talented he is.

00:40:01.000 It's his work ethic.

00:40:02.000 There's a lot of factors.

00:40:03.000 The risks that he does take.

00:40:05.000 I mean, he says controversial things.

00:40:07.000 He always has, whether you agree or not.

00:40:09.000 Like, one of the things about the Parkland thing, you know, when he got in trouble about, you know, saying that all he did was push some fat kid out of the way.

00:40:17.000 Yeah.

00:40:17.000 That is so consistent with his material.

00:40:21.000 Yeah.

00:40:21.000 The idea that anybody's saying, like, oh my god, he's punching down, like...

00:40:26.000 You need to go review his material again, because he said a lot of risky shit because it was funny, and he had really good points about it. 0.92

00:40:35.000 Now, is that something that I would joke about? 0.93

00:40:37.000 Probably not, but he did.

00:40:40.000 You wouldn't joke about fat people?

00:40:41.000 Yes, I would. 0.62

00:40:42.000 But I don't think I would joke about kids getting shot.

00:40:46.000 It's a tough take.

00:40:48.000 To make funny, but that's why...

00:40:50.000 But I think he could...

00:40:51.000 I think, honestly, you're dealing with, first of all, the embryo of a bit.

00:40:56.000 I mean, he's really only been doing stand-up again for a couple of months, and back then it was even less.

00:41:01.000 And I think, ultimately, his idea, that bit, rather, is that kids today, like, they want to be a they and a them, and they have 78 different genders, and why am I... Why are you interesting?

00:41:13.000 You're interesting because you didn't get shot?

00:41:15.000 Right.

00:41:15.000 That is his take on it.

00:41:17.000 And he probably, with overall reaction and anticipation of reaction, probably would have eliminated that part of the bit.

00:41:24.000 Sure.

00:41:24.000 And you know what I'm saying?

00:41:25.000 You know how it works when you construct...

00:41:27.000 I think part of it is too, I was attracted to comedy because of guys like Bill Hicks or Patricia, the things that those guys said you could only say on a stage if you were really funny.

00:41:36.000 Right.

00:41:36.000 That's what I love about comedy.

00:41:38.000 Me too.

00:41:38.000 That doesn't mean that everyone has to love that.

00:41:40.000 There's people that love it for a million different reasons.

00:41:42.000 Sure.

00:41:42.000 But I love, when Bill Hicks got up and he said, I was for the war but against the troops.

00:41:47.000 Yeah.

00:41:48.000 That's still, to me, one of the most amazing jokes I've ever heard.

00:41:51.000 When he goes, we had a war in the States.

00:41:52.000 I was in the unenviable position of being for the war, but against the troops.

00:41:56.000 Yeah, he's like, all those men living together?

00:41:58.000 Yeah, he's like, I just don't like young people, or whatever. 0.53

00:42:01.000 It's just great.

00:42:01.000 I'm like, oh, you couldn't say that in a human resources meet.

00:42:05.000 You couldn't say that in an office.

00:42:06.000 Right.

00:42:06.000 You couldn't say that if you were out to lunch with a bunch of people, probably.

00:42:09.000 You couldn't get away with that, unless you were really funny.

00:42:12.000 Yeah.

00:42:12.000 But these guys have gotten so funny and they've perfected their craft to the point where they can get away with these things that the goal is to elicit laughter.

00:42:21.000 You're not going to change your mind, but the goal is to make you laugh about something that's dark and horrible.

00:42:27.000 That's what I love about comedy.

00:42:29.000 Yeah, it's some of my favorite material. 0.98

00:42:31.000 Some of my favorite material is fucked up. 0.99

00:42:34.000 It's wrong. 0.99

00:42:35.000 You probably shouldn't have said it, but it would make me howl loud.

00:42:38.000 Have you seen Holtzman?

00:42:39.000 No.

00:42:40.000 You never seen Brian Holtzman?

00:42:41.000 No.

00:42:41.000 Oh my god.

00:42:42.000 A store?

00:42:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:44.000 I should check him out.

00:42:45.000 How long are you in town for?

00:42:46.000 I'm in town for a little while.

00:42:47.000 I leave early March for a wedding.

00:42:48.000 Oh, great.

00:42:49.000 I'm coming back like a week, a month now.

00:42:51.000 Well, he'll be here.

00:42:52.000 I'm sure he's here either Friday or Saturday because he doesn't really do the road.

00:42:55.000 Okay.

00:42:56.000 He mostly just does the store.

00:42:57.000 Okay.

00:42:57.000 Yeah.

00:42:57.000 I don't even think he does other clubs.

00:42:59.000 I think he just does the store.

00:43:00.000 He's just there.

00:43:01.000 When I started in 94, he was coming up.

00:43:03.000 He was there at the store in 94. Wow.

00:43:06.000 And he was already there when I got there.

00:43:08.000 Right.

00:43:08.000 And I was like, whoa, this guy's gonna be huge.

00:43:10.000 And for whatever reason, he never left.

00:43:12.000 He just does the store, but he's a legend.

00:43:14.000 But it's the best room. 0.98

00:43:15.000 I mean, I just did a few guest spots there, and I'm like, oh, this is the best room in the cunt. 0.96

00:43:18.000 Like, I wouldn't leave either. 0.94

00:43:19.000 I'm like, this is amazing.

00:43:20.000 Yeah, but you gotta leave.

00:43:22.000 Like, I'm doing the improv tonight, or I did the improv the other night, and I'm doing the improv tomorrow night.

00:43:26.000 I mix it up, and I did the Ice House last night.

00:43:29.000 Right.

00:43:29.000 I mix it up.

00:43:30.000 I think you have to, but it's the best room in the world.

00:43:33.000 Is he one of those guys who does this stuff where you're like, I can't believe I'm laughing?

00:43:36.000 When Susan Smith drowned her kids, remember that?

00:43:40.000 Remember that?

00:43:40.000 He got on stage that night, and he's like, ladies and gentlemen, I heard those were bad kids.

00:43:45.000 I heard they sat that close to the TV. They never put away their blocks.

00:43:49.000 They constantly spilt their fucking milk. 1.00

00:43:51.000 Those kids would not be missed. 1.00

00:43:52.000 It's amazing.

00:43:52.000 We were like, Jesus Christ.

00:43:54.000 Wow.

00:43:55.000 Mitzi Shore would not let him go on stage after 9-11.

00:43:58.000 She would not let him go on stage.

00:44:00.000 She told him he could stay home.

00:44:02.000 She's like, you're on the bench, kid.

00:44:04.000 How long?

00:44:04.000 For like weeks.

00:44:05.000 Oh my God.

00:44:07.000 He got benched.

00:44:08.000 She's like, don't let him on.

00:44:10.000 He got benched after 9-11.

00:44:11.000 By Mitzi Shore!

00:44:13.000 Oh, that's great. 0.99

00:44:13.000 By Mitzi Shore, who would let you get away with fucking anything. 0.99

00:44:16.000 Yeah, that's so wild. 1.00

00:44:17.000 She was like, no, no.

00:44:18.000 And this is pre-social media, too.

00:44:20.000 She wasn't worried about a tweet storm.

00:44:22.000 No, no, that's so funny.

00:44:23.000 She was like, you can't let him up.

00:44:25.000 I love pre-Twitter to not let someone up.

00:44:27.000 It has to be so egregious. 1.00

00:44:29.000 He's a fucking animal, man. 1.00

00:44:30.000 That's awesome now. 1.00

00:44:31.000 He's so funny.

00:44:32.000 He's so funny.

00:44:33.000 Those are the things you laugh the heart.

00:44:35.000 I always look at it as like when I was going through a Taco Bell drive-thru in 11th grade and we were all stoned.

00:44:40.000 You would make jokes.

00:44:42.000 Nobody in the car would ever go, that's too much.

00:44:44.000 If they did, get rid of them.

00:44:45.000 They're done.

00:44:46.000 No one means that.

00:44:48.000 We would say horrible things about each other's families.

00:44:52.000 My mother's a schizophrenic.

00:44:54.000 We would make fun of my mother, you know?

00:44:57.000 And it was great.

00:44:58.000 I still do. 0.89

00:45:00.000 If someone in your family is mentally ill and you're not making fun of them, it's your problem. 0.87

00:45:03.000 The difference is between East Coast and West Coast comedy is that West Coast comedy, they hold that carrot of a sitcom or hosting The Tonight Show or something like that above your head.

00:45:14.000 We have health insurance.

00:45:15.000 It's always there.

00:45:16.000 East Coast comedy is just be funny.

00:45:19.000 Be funny until you die.

00:45:20.000 Be funny and mean.

00:45:22.000 There's a lot of meanness.

00:45:23.000 And it gets cold in the winter.

00:45:24.000 It's cold and mean.

00:45:26.000 But you know what I like about West Coast comedy, too?

00:45:28.000 It's a lot of performing.

00:45:29.000 Because the rooms are big.

00:45:31.000 Yes.

00:45:31.000 The venues are big.

00:45:32.000 East Coast rooms are a little smaller, so you have a lot of writers.

00:45:35.000 Right.

00:45:35.000 I love the performing style, so I kind of like seeing people in the store with big acts.

00:45:41.000 Yeah, there's not a lot of room to move.

00:45:43.000 Like if you're at the stand or- The cellar or something.

00:45:46.000 They're a little small.

00:45:47.000 Yeah, they're tight little rooms.

00:45:48.000 You can't move around on stage.

00:45:49.000 There are some great performers in those rooms that rock out in the smaller environment.

00:45:53.000 But when I was in the store, I was like, oh, there's huge rooms.

00:45:57.000 Big performers, and that's awesome.

00:45:59.000 Especially the main room.

00:46:00.000 The main room is amazing.

00:46:01.000 Giant stage.

00:46:03.000 Yeah, it is interesting.

00:46:04.000 Those really small, intimate rooms in New York, they lend themselves a lot to talking to the crowd.

00:46:09.000 And being sharp, and having really sharp bits that hit.

00:46:14.000 And that's why you've got to go everywhere, because when you go on the road, you want a little bit of everything.

00:46:19.000 You want to be able to perform, and you want to have sharp jokes, but you've got to be able to do crowd work.

00:46:23.000 Yeah, I started out in Boston, and Boston was always...

00:46:27.000 No one has a long attention span.

00:46:29.000 Everybody wants you to do the jokes quick, and if you start bombing, you're not going to recover.

00:46:34.000 Really?

00:46:34.000 Nobody recovers in Boston.

00:46:35.000 It's tough out there. 1.00

00:46:36.000 Once you start eating shit, they're done with you. 1.00

00:46:39.000 Bobby Kelly would tell me stories about the rooms he came up doing. 1.00

00:46:41.000 They are rough rooms.

00:46:42.000 Yeah, we came up together.

00:46:44.000 Bobby and I did a lot of road gigs together.

00:46:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:47.000 So is that like, what area of Boston?

00:46:49.000 Is that like outside of Boston? 0.96

00:46:50.000 Yeah, we did a lot of the Dick Daugherty comedy huts out in the middle of fucking nowhere. 0.90

00:46:54.000 That sounds great, though. 0.97

00:46:55.000 Worcester.

00:46:56.000 Oh, they were great.

00:46:56.000 They were Aku Aku's, which is like a Polynesian restaurant.

00:47:00.000 Yeah.

00:47:00.000 And they would have comedy hut.

00:47:02.000 I did one of the 15 minutes Netflix specials.

00:47:05.000 I went the next day, two days later, I went to a room in Massachusetts outside of Boston and I bombed so bad.

00:47:12.000 It was amazing.

00:47:13.000 I was like, well, this is why the funniest people in the world come from this state.

00:47:17.000 Where was it?

00:47:17.000 Do you know where you were?

00:47:19.000 Where was I? I forget.

00:47:21.000 It was a, I don't want to say the actual show.

00:47:23.000 Who booked it?

00:47:25.000 Who did book it?

00:47:26.000 This guy booked it.

00:47:27.000 He knows exactly.

00:47:28.000 He'll probably tweet me or something.

00:47:30.000 But it was in...

00:47:31.000 God!

00:47:32.000 It was outside.

00:47:33.000 It was like 20 minutes outside.

00:47:34.000 It was in...

00:47:35.000 Not Hingham.

00:47:37.000 It was somewhere.

00:47:40.000 And it was not good.

00:47:41.000 It was just a bar.

00:47:42.000 It was a circular bar.

00:47:43.000 And I got up.

00:47:45.000 And nobody was like...

00:47:46.000 In the middle of my set, a woman, a drunk woman started yelling at me. 1.00

00:47:49.000 And then I yelled back at her.

00:47:50.000 And then it was okay.

00:47:52.000 Because we yelled at each other for 20 minutes.

00:47:54.000 Yeah.

00:47:55.000 That was the show.

00:47:56.000 What did she yell? 1.00

00:47:57.000 I think it was something... 1.00

00:47:58.000 You're not funny, you fat fuck! 1.00

00:48:00.000 Something like that. 1.00

00:48:02.000 Something that was justified at that moment in the set. 1.00

00:48:05.000 When I went back at her, I was like, listen to me, you fucking animal. 1.00

00:48:07.000 And then it was great. 1.00

00:48:08.000 And then they perked right up.

00:48:10.000 And then the material worked after that.

00:48:11.000 Sometimes it's exciting when something like that happens.

00:48:14.000 Like, finally!

00:48:14.000 It was the Trump moment.

00:48:15.000 It was the moment where people sat up in their chairs and were like, okay, we can, you know.

00:48:20.000 When I was living in Boston, you could make a living and not leave.

00:48:24.000 Oh, wow.

00:48:25.000 You could stay in Boston, and you could go 20 minutes here, 30 minutes there.

00:48:29.000 You go to Andover, you go to Hingham, you go to Framingham.

00:48:33.000 You go to all these different places, and you can do gigs.

00:48:37.000 And, I mean, you wouldn't get rich, but you could pay your bills and never leave town.

00:48:41.000 And so there was so much comedy.

00:48:44.000 There were so many rooms.

00:48:45.000 Like, Barry Katz had a bunch of rooms, and the Comedy Connection had a bunch of rooms, and Mike Clark had a bunch of rooms.

00:48:52.000 Yeah.

00:48:53.000 And that's what really got you really strong.

00:48:56.000 Yeah, because you're mostly doing these hell gigs.

00:48:59.000 You're doing these hell gigs everywhere.

00:49:01.000 And so when I came to New York, what got me was that everything was small.

00:49:06.000 There were small crowds, small stages, and you would do a short amount of time.

00:49:11.000 And I was like, ooh, I don't like this that much.

00:49:13.000 It was like a showcase set, like 15, 10, 15 minutes.

00:49:15.000 Yeah, because I was doing middle sets.

00:49:17.000 I'd do a half hour.

00:49:18.000 And then if I was headlining, I'd do 45 minutes.

00:49:21.000 Come out to Long Island.

00:49:22.000 It's an approximation of Boston.

00:49:26.000 They're wild folks.

00:49:27.000 Oh, I did a lot of gigs in Long Island.

00:49:29.000 A lot of gigs in Long Island.

00:49:31.000 The benefit of the doubt is non-existent.

00:49:33.000 Yeah, when I got out there, Eastside Comedy Club was there.

00:49:36.000 Oh, wow.

00:49:36.000 That was back in the day when Jenny was still around.

00:49:38.000 I remember, I tell this story all the time, but it's so crazy. 0.96

00:49:42.000 People forgot how goddamn good Richard Jenny was. 0.96

00:49:45.000 He was there one night. 0.98

00:49:46.000 He did four different hours on Friday and Saturday.

00:49:50.000 So he did two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

00:49:52.000 Four completely different hours.

00:49:55.000 And the opening act and the... 0.98

00:49:58.000 Who the fuck was it? 0.99

00:50:01.000 Who the fuck was the MC? He was a friend of mine. 1.00

00:50:04.000 Peter... 0.99

00:50:04.000 Goddammit. 0.99

00:50:05.000 Peter Boyle?

00:50:06.000 Peter Bales?

00:50:07.000 Peter Bales.

00:50:08.000 Yeah.

00:50:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:09.000 Glasses?

00:50:09.000 Yeah, good dude.

00:50:10.000 Older guy?

00:50:11.000 Yes.

00:50:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:11.000 He was younger back then.

00:50:13.000 This was back in the Disney day. 1.00

00:50:15.000 But he was just shaking his head like, what the fuck, man? 0.99

00:50:18.000 The guy did four different hours. 0.99

00:50:20.000 Yeah.

00:50:21.000 And I remember I was just barely starting out. 1.00

00:50:23.000 I was sitting back going, what the fuck? 1.00

00:50:25.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:50:25.000 How does a man do four different hours? 1.00

00:50:28.000 He didn't repeat a premise.

00:50:29.000 He didn't repeat a punchline.

00:50:31.000 And he crushed.

00:50:33.000 And this is one weekend?

00:50:34.000 One weekend.

00:50:35.000 Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

00:50:36.000 He was a genius, man.

00:50:38.000 He was responsible for so many people's acts, too.

00:50:41.000 He would tighten up people.

00:50:42.000 He worked a lot with Rock.

00:50:44.000 Worked a lot with Chris on the road.

00:50:47.000 Helped him with his specials.

00:50:48.000 Was he from Boston, Jenny?

00:50:50.000 No, he was a New York guy.

00:50:51.000 I think he was from Brooklyn. 0.99

00:50:53.000 He was fucking amazing, man. 0.99

00:50:55.000 But that was Eastside Comedy Club back in the day. 0.99

00:50:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:58.000 No, it's good.

00:50:59.000 Those rooms are like Governors and Brokers.

00:51:00.000 I like those rooms because you go out there and if you're funny, you're funny. 0.89

00:51:03.000 You'll kill.

00:51:04.000 And if you're lacking or if you're a bit half done... 1.00

00:51:08.000 They'll let you know.

00:51:09.000 They'll let you know.

00:51:10.000 They paid the money.

00:51:11.000 They'll let you know.

00:51:13.000 You'll hear it audibly.

00:51:15.000 But that's good.

00:51:16.000 You need that.

00:51:16.000 That's why Colin Quinn builds his shows there, and they're amazing.

00:51:20.000 And his new show is great.

00:51:21.000 Red State, Blue State.

00:51:22.000 Did he build it out there?

00:51:23.000 I don't know if he did this one, but he built a lot of his shows out there because he goes out there and he says, if it's good, they're really going to let you know.

00:51:30.000 So it's where a lot of comics will go and test, similar to those rooms in Boston.

00:51:34.000 You really test. 0.99

00:51:35.000 You get coddled a little bit in New York City and L.A. You get coddled, so you've got to go out there to somebody who doesn't give a shit. 0.99

00:51:42.000 That's the people who are like, listen, I'm either... 0.99

00:51:45.000 Those people out there don't choose to laugh.

00:51:47.000 They laugh or they don't.

00:51:49.000 You go to Echo Park, they choose.

00:51:51.000 They sit there and they go...

00:51:53.000 Or they'll go like this and go, no.

00:51:56.000 Like in their face, you'll see it.

00:51:57.000 They'll be like, no.

00:51:59.000 Out in those areas, like Long Island, it's an instinctual, guttural laugh.

00:52:03.000 Yeah, it's not...

00:52:05.000 Yeah, the thing about, like...

00:52:10.000 Laughter when you're choosing to laugh in here and there.

00:52:13.000 It's so pretentious.

00:52:16.000 It's not fun.

00:52:17.000 It goes back to that example of growing up, you're making people laugh.

00:52:21.000 Who the hell's choosing to laugh? 0.96

00:52:23.000 What psychopath is sitting there going, huh? 0.94

00:52:27.000 Also, they're mostly in the business.

00:52:30.000 A lot of the audience is in the business.

00:52:32.000 The whole thing is the business.

00:52:34.000 It's weird.

00:52:34.000 The entire thing is agents who are like 22 years old.

00:52:37.000 Yep.

00:52:38.000 They're like embryos to so young, the agents.

00:52:40.000 And agents and managers, for the most part, excluding mine, who I love, but agents and managers, they're rich kids who can't do tech or finance.

00:52:50.000 A lot of them.

00:52:51.000 There's quite a few.

00:52:52.000 Let's be honest.

00:52:53.000 These are rich kids whose parents go, hey, can you do something?

00:52:58.000 Because I don't want to look at you anymore.

00:53:01.000 And they're not going to get a job at Jollibee.

00:53:03.000 Right.

00:53:04.000 So they're going to go get a desk at UTA or CIA or WME. And most, I mean, everyone needs one, too.

00:53:09.000 That's the other thing.

00:53:10.000 You're not going to negotiate on your own.

00:53:12.000 You're going to do a terrible job.

00:53:13.000 If you negotiate your own gigs...

00:53:15.000 I will take any amount of money to do anything.

00:53:18.000 I mean, I'm horrible at negotiating.

00:53:22.000 I was bad in sales, sales didn't work, and now I'm here.

00:53:25.000 You know, apparently Bill Murray doesn't have an agent or a manager.

00:53:28.000 He has an answering machine.

00:53:30.000 Really?

00:53:30.000 And people call him up, and they make him offers to do things, and he'll listen to those messages and go, hmm, I'll do that one.

00:53:38.000 And he just goes and does it.

00:53:39.000 Well, if you're a legend like that, I guess you can do that.

00:53:43.000 He can do whatever he wants.

00:53:44.000 What an interesting system.

00:53:45.000 No, I need an agent to blackmail people.

00:53:47.000 CIA-level blackmail to get me into rooms.

00:53:51.000 Well, the thing is, it's not just that.

00:53:53.000 You need someone to actually do the talking for you to get gigs.

00:53:58.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:58.000 Or to negotiate your money or to do your air travel.

00:54:02.000 She'll call me and she'll be like, they wanted 85 shows over the weekend.

00:54:05.000 I got them down to six, you know?

00:54:07.000 Yeah.

00:54:07.000 Because I'm like a newer comic.

00:54:08.000 So if they want nine, seven shows, I do it.

00:54:10.000 Yeah, I'll do it.

00:54:11.000 Do you get when you do...

00:54:12.000 What, five shows on Saturday?

00:54:13.000 I'll do it.

00:54:13.000 Do you do three shows on Saturday night?

00:54:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:16.000 Three at the same club?

00:54:17.000 Sometimes, yeah.

00:54:18.000 Those are weird. 0.99

00:54:19.000 That third show, you don't know what the fuck you already talked about. 0.96

00:54:21.000 The third show's not even comedy anymore. 0.98

00:54:23.000 I don't know what is happening.

00:54:24.000 I don't know what's happening at that point, but it can be really fun.

00:54:29.000 The third show, a lot of times, is people, the audience is people who've been asked to leave other venues.

00:54:33.000 Right.

00:54:33.000 So they're drunk and walking by the club, and they go, and their friend brings them in.

00:54:38.000 This is literally, I've heard, I've literally spoke to somebody, I'm like, why are they here?

00:54:42.000 And they were going, well, we were asked to leave, and they saw it, and they just saw the lights, and they like lights.

00:54:46.000 Right.

00:54:47.000 So we brought them in, and now you're talking about, you know, frozen yogurt or whatever, and they're, you know, but it's nuts.

00:54:54.000 The third show's crazy.

00:54:55.000 What's the latest set you can get in New York City these days?

00:54:58.000 Oh, you can get like, I think it's like a 245 or something.

00:55:00.000 You can get something crazy.

00:55:01.000 245!

00:55:01.000 Maybe it's 230, maybe it's two, you can get something really late.

00:55:05.000 Wow.

00:55:06.000 People are up. 0.99

00:55:07.000 Who the fuck is there at 245? 0.98

00:55:08.000 There's people. 0.99

00:55:09.000 Really?

00:55:10.000 Yeah.

00:55:10.000 What's it like?

00:55:11.000 It ain't, I mean, I think it's pretty good depending on the night.

00:55:15.000 Like a Saturday night, 245. Probably great.

00:55:17.000 Wow.

00:55:18.000 I mean, listen, as it gets louder, it gets, yeah, I think the cellar's the latest, I think.

00:55:22.000 But as it gets louder, I mean, as it gets later, people get drunker.

00:55:25.000 I used to do Dangerfields.

00:55:27.000 That's still there.

00:55:28.000 Yeah, and we used to do prom shows.

00:55:30.000 Yeah.

00:55:31.000 Do you ever do the prom show thing?

00:55:32.000 I'm not a prom show act.

00:55:34.000 This is what they do with the prom.

00:55:35.000 If a bunch of kids are sitting there and I walk out on stage, it's a bad prom.

00:55:38.000 Well, it's always a bad prom.

00:55:40.000 Those prom shows are terrible.

00:55:41.000 Yeah.

00:55:41.000 But what they do is, they don't, back in the day at least, they didn't change the crowd.

00:55:49.000 So you would go out, like say if there's like four comics on the lineup, there's an MC and three other comics, and then there's the next show, it starts all over again.

00:55:57.000 MC, same three comics.

00:55:58.000 The audience is there, so they want you to do the exact same act so that the kids will leave.

00:56:04.000 Because they have no account of the kids.

00:56:05.000 So the buses pull up, and they're just stuffing these kids in there, and they're hoping that if you do the same bits, the kids will get bored.

00:56:12.000 And they got mad at me, because I'm like, look, I'm not doing the same material.

00:56:16.000 I see the same faces.

00:56:17.000 It's boring.

00:56:18.000 Yeah, I'm only doing a 15-minute set.

00:56:19.000 I go, I have more material.

00:56:21.000 I'm going to do other bits.

00:56:22.000 And they're like, you've got to do the same jokes.

00:56:24.000 We're trying to get these people out of here.

00:56:25.000 I'm like, how about just grab them?

00:56:28.000 Just get them out of here.

00:56:29.000 Yeah, just light a fire. 0.78

00:56:30.000 Yeah.

00:56:32.000 But we would do them until 5 o'clock in the morning.

00:56:34.000 Dangerfield, the last time I was in Dangerfield, there was four people in a room.

00:56:37.000 Two couples.

00:56:38.000 The waiter's about in his mid-80s.

00:56:40.000 It's dark, and I'm performing in front of a piano.

00:56:43.000 It's one of those nights where you go...

00:56:45.000 You know, this was a choice I made to get into this business.

00:56:50.000 But there's something haunting about that room, and it was actually fun.

00:56:53.000 I'm just entertaining two couples.

00:56:55.000 Yeah.

00:56:55.000 It's crazy.

00:56:56.000 I did one couple once at Dangerfields.

00:56:58.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:56:58.000 There was no show.

00:57:00.000 I had a 9 o'clock spot.

00:57:01.000 Listen to this.

00:57:02.000 There's never a show.

00:57:03.000 I had a 9 o'clock spot.

00:57:04.000 Yeah.

00:57:04.000 I got there at 845. The comics are sitting around the bar.

00:57:07.000 I go, what's going on?

00:57:08.000 They're like, there's no one here.

00:57:09.000 I go, there's no one here?

00:57:10.000 And then right when I said that, this couple walked up. 0.97

00:57:13.000 And Bobby, who was the doorman, who was this fucking Scottish powerlifter guy, he was like 5'10 and 5'10 wide. 0.98

00:57:22.000 Oh, interesting. 0.98

00:57:23.000 I saw him grab a kid by his neck at one of these prom shows and pick him up by his neck and carry him out of there.

00:57:30.000 But anyway, he was this tank of a man. 0.97

00:57:32.000 He was always fucking hilarious and ruthless on the comedians. 0.96

00:57:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:57:35.000 You gotta try that bag of shite you call a fucking act. 1.00

00:57:38.000 And anyway, these people walk in. 1.00

00:57:40.000 He's like, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dangerfields.

00:57:43.000 Come on, run in. 0.86

00:57:43.000 And he brings him in and these people walk into his empty room and sit down. 0.86

00:57:48.000 And they're like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:57:49.000 That's crazy. 0.99

00:57:50.000 And then all of a sudden, the lights come on, and then the MC comes out, and they sat through all of us.

00:57:56.000 Wow.

00:57:57.000 I was like, you know, fourth on the lineup or something like that. 0.99

00:58:00.000 I did my fucking 15 minutes in front of these two people. 0.99

00:58:04.000 And they were into it. 0.99

00:58:05.000 They were great.

00:58:06.000 Yeah.

00:58:06.000 They were great, but it was weird.

00:58:08.000 Those shows, what's good about those shows- They build you. 0.99

00:58:10.000 Well, they let you know what's bullshit in your act because you feel embarrassed saying it. 0.99

00:58:14.000 That's a great point. 1.00

00:58:15.000 Yeah, it feels clunky coming out of your mouth.

00:58:18.000 Right, especially to three people.

00:58:19.000 Well, things are always clunky.

00:58:23.000 When it's a small crowd, they're really clunky.

00:58:26.000 When you're working on material, every time I have a premise or even if I'm fucking telling a story, a lot of times as I'm starting to tell the story, the beginning part is a little fucking clunky and maybe I'm saying something the wrong way and it doesn't make total sense and then eventually it catches on.

00:58:41.000 If you do that in front of two people...

00:58:45.000 They're like, what are you doing?

00:59:05.000 Here you go.

00:59:06.000 I thought you might like it.

00:59:07.000 And then the guy took it.

00:59:09.000 He said to the owner, he said, there was no speaking.

00:59:12.000 Right.

00:59:12.000 He just showed him this doll and then the owner just pointed and then the guy carried this Rodney Dangerfield doll down the stairs and just put it in like storage.

00:59:20.000 Right.

00:59:21.000 And it was the darkest moment.

00:59:23.000 It was just such a dark moment to sit there, silent, just, the owner went, meh, and pointed, and the guy just took this Dangerfield doll, and he walked it down into, God only know, the Phantom of the Opera, whatever the hell goes down under that club.

00:59:35.000 But yeah, that's a real, that's like the oldest club in the country.

00:59:37.000 How's it still open?

00:59:38.000 That is a great question that the FBI would probably want to look into.

00:59:43.000 I don't know.

00:59:44.000 Because everybody's got that same story.

00:59:46.000 I was there 25 years ago.

00:59:50.000 25 years ago, there was no one there. 0.97

00:59:52.000 I mean, that fucking show that I'm telling you about, that was 25 years ago. 0.94

00:59:55.000 There's never been anyone there. 0.98

00:59:58.000 I don't know.

00:59:59.000 They make money off those prom shows, though.

01:00:01.000 They were packed.

01:00:01.000 It's like a great joke about Nanette that my buddy Nick Mullen, who's an amazingly funny comedian, said he's like, Nanette, no one's seen it.

01:00:07.000 It's just a trailer.

01:00:09.000 Like, no one's seen Nanette.

01:00:10.000 It's just a trailer.

01:00:11.000 And everyone's like, it's brave.

01:00:12.000 It's brilliant.

01:00:13.000 It's amazing.

01:00:13.000 It's my number one.

01:00:14.000 And it's just a trailer.

01:00:15.000 It literally doesn't exist.

01:00:16.000 So maybe, I don't know, but it's one of those rooms in New York that's kind of haunting.

01:00:20.000 Yeah, it's a strange place.

01:00:21.000 Did you ever listen to The Day the Laughter Died?

01:00:24.000 No.

01:00:24.000 It's Dice Clay's double album that he filmed there with no audience.

01:00:29.000 No one knew he was coming.

01:00:31.000 He had no material.

01:00:33.000 Zero.

01:00:34.000 That's amazing. 1.00

01:00:34.000 He just started talking about shit and ad-libbing things. 1.00

01:00:37.000 And he was as big as a fucking comedian could be at the time. 1.00

01:00:41.000 And he called it The Day the Laughter Died. 0.99

01:00:43.000 Rick Rubin produced it.

01:00:44.000 No, I've heard of it, but I didn't know it was... 0.99

01:00:47.000 Fucking brilliant and terrible at the same time. 0.99

01:00:50.000 Really? 0.99

01:00:50.000 Some guy gets up in the middle of a set and he goes, you're about as funny as a glass of milk. 0.99

01:00:54.000 Oh my god.

01:00:55.000 What a polite heckle. 1.00

01:00:57.000 What an old-fashioned heckle. 0.99

01:00:59.000 I've never heard that. 1.00

01:01:00.000 Usually people are like, shut up, faggot! 1.00

01:01:03.000 You're about as funny as a glass of milk. 1.00

01:01:05.000 That's lovely.

01:01:06.000 Yeah, some guy from Connecticut or something like that, you know?

01:01:09.000 And he got mad.

01:01:10.000 He got mad at Dice. 0.99

01:01:11.000 And, you know, Dice is just shitting on him and shitting on everything. 0.99

01:01:14.000 Dice probably just destroyed him. 0.99

01:01:16.000 Well, it was destroying him, but I'm telling you, he wasn't even trying.

01:01:20.000 Right.

01:01:21.000 It was like he was at some crazy place in his career where he just decided to do a set where he's bombing.

01:01:29.000 Do you ever think of doing something like that crazy?

01:01:31.000 No!

01:01:31.000 You never think of just going crazy and doing something completely...

01:01:34.000 Yeah.

01:01:35.000 I'm just trying to do...

01:01:36.000 First of all, I would feel bad.

01:01:40.000 I can't do something bad on purpose.

01:01:42.000 Because then people... 0.99

01:01:43.000 If I do something bad, like, ladies and gentlemen, if you hear it and it sucks, I fucked up. 0.99

01:01:49.000 That's it. 0.98

01:01:50.000 I made a mistake.

01:01:51.000 I didn't do it good.

01:01:51.000 I didn't put it together right.

01:01:54.000 It's trial and error.

01:01:55.000 Sometimes it's an error.

01:01:56.000 I'm not going to do anything bad on purpose.

01:01:58.000 But he was so big and no one had been that big before.

01:02:02.000 You have to realize no one had done arenas before him.

01:02:04.000 Right, he was the first arena comic.

01:02:05.000 The first. 0.99

01:02:06.000 And a fucking hundred of them. 0.99

01:02:09.000 He would do them all over the country. 1.00

01:02:11.000 And he just had enough, for whatever reason, of fucking everybody loving him. 1.00

01:02:17.000 And he's like, fuck you! 1.00

01:02:19.000 I love that. 1.00

01:02:19.000 He just went out and said, fuck it. 1.00

01:02:21.000 Double CD. It's great. 1.00

01:02:23.000 Like a Broadway show.

01:02:24.000 Like a live album recording of a Broadway show.

01:02:26.000 Hours of no material, just rambling, talking about stuff, punchlines that don't make sense.

01:02:33.000 Yeah!

01:02:34.000 He's just out there doing whatever he wants. 0.99

01:02:36.000 It's fucking great to this day. 0.96

01:02:37.000 It's one of my favorite comedy albums of all time. 1.00

01:02:39.000 I'll listen to it every now and then for like 15 minutes in my car and just go, what the fuck? 0.99

01:02:43.000 That's amazing. 0.99

01:02:43.000 Is it all at Dangerfields? 0.99

01:02:44.000 Yes, all of it.

01:02:45.000 All of it at Dangerfields.

01:02:46.000 No one knew he was coming.

01:02:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:48.000 And when they saw him, they're like, holy shit, it's Dice Clay. 0.99

01:02:50.000 There's probably 20 people in the crowd. 0.98

01:02:52.000 They were so excited. 0.99

01:02:53.000 They probably did it on a Tuesday or some shit. 1.00

01:02:55.000 He's an animal. 1.00

01:02:56.000 That's amazing though.

01:02:57.000 Yeah.

01:02:57.000 That's amazing.

01:02:58.000 To me, that type of stuff I like.

01:02:59.000 I like that type of stuff because to me, it's the raw essence of what this is.

01:03:04.000 I found out about it from another comedian named Mike Donovan, a hilarious guy from Boston.

01:03:08.000 And he was crying, laughing, describing it. 0.99

01:03:11.000 And describing this bit that Dice was doing about Nixon eating ass. 1.00

01:03:16.000 He's like, oh, I love to eat ass. 1.00

01:03:18.000 I eat that ass. 1.00

01:03:19.000 Give me that fat fucking ass. 1.00

01:03:22.000 And he was doing this... 1.00

01:03:23.000 It's crazy. 0.94

01:03:23.000 It was so ridiculous, but for whatever reason, Mike Donovan was... 0.94

01:03:27.000 Tears were coming out of it, so he couldn't breathe as he was describing it. 1.00

01:03:30.000 I was like, God, I gotta listen to this fucking thing. 0.99

01:03:32.000 Well, Dice is one of those guys, when you watch him, you're like, this guy can just talk. 0.99

01:03:35.000 Yeah.

01:03:36.000 And it's funny.

01:03:37.000 Well, he's going to be interesting.

01:03:38.000 He's been around for so long.

01:03:40.000 And, you know, to me, he's always represented to me my childhood.

01:03:45.000 Because when I was like 19 was the first time I listened to his cassette in my car with my girlfriend.

01:03:51.000 And we were just crying and laughing.

01:03:53.000 I couldn't believe how funny he was.

01:03:55.000 Is that what made you...

01:03:55.000 Is he one of the guys where you were like, I want to start doing stand-up?

01:03:58.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:03:59.000 He was definitely one of them.

01:04:00.000 Him and Kinnison.

01:04:01.000 Him and Kinnison.

01:04:02.000 And Pryor, but Pryor was...

01:04:04.000 See, I remember watching those guys and then watching Pryor and like, God, Pryor was so smooth.

01:04:10.000 He was so personable and vulnerable.

01:04:14.000 He was something different because he was vulnerable.

01:04:16.000 He would talk about his life and his problems and all these different things about being addicted to drugs.

01:04:23.000 It was so intelligent but vulnerable and honest and the timing was so good.

01:04:31.000 He was such a master.

01:04:33.000 I remember we were watching...

01:04:35.000 It was me and my roommates at the time.

01:04:36.000 We watched the Kinison special, and then we watched Richard Pryor. 0.99

01:04:39.000 And my friend, who was never a comedian, never even thought, he goes, that fucking guy's the best. 0.98

01:04:44.000 He's just the best. 0.98

01:04:45.000 And we were both in agreement, like, yeah, he's just better.

01:04:48.000 It's just the way he did it.

01:04:51.000 And this is, you know, we're talking like 1988. Sure.

01:04:55.000 So it was still fairly fresh, and Pryor was still alive.

01:05:00.000 Yeah.

01:05:00.000 It was just different.

01:05:01.000 He was like the first, I mean, obviously Lenny Bruce was the first really honest comedian, or one of the first honest social commentators, and then Carlin.

01:05:14.000 But Pryor took it to a weird, personal place where you were rooting for him.

01:05:20.000 He was the most personal of all of those guys, because the Hicks and Carlin were famously not personal.

01:05:25.000 Yes.

01:05:26.000 And Pryor was personal.

01:05:27.000 Yes.

01:05:27.000 Yeah.

01:05:27.000 Yes.

01:05:28.000 Personal and, you know, he would, like, emphasize humanity.

01:05:34.000 Yeah.

01:05:34.000 Like, you would emphasize, like, loving each other and being kind to each other.

01:05:38.000 Yeah.

01:05:38.000 Like, that was a thing for him.

01:05:39.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:05:40.000 Yeah.

01:05:41.000 Absolutely.

01:05:42.000 But, you know, my parents took me to see Live at the Sunset Strip when I was a little kid.

01:05:46.000 Oh, you saw it the actual...

01:05:48.000 No, no, no.

01:05:48.000 I saw it in the movie theater.

01:05:49.000 Right, right.

01:05:50.000 In the movie theater.

01:05:50.000 And that was probably the big seed.

01:05:53.000 That was the impact, yeah.

01:05:54.000 Yeah, because I couldn't believe how funny this guy was just talking.

01:05:57.000 I remember looking around the theater and these people were falling out of their chairs laughing and I'm like, I can't believe this guy is just talking.

01:06:04.000 And it's amazing. 0.96

01:06:04.000 Yeah, because all these movies that I'd seen that were really funny, there was a bunch of things happening and explosions and fucking stripes. 0.96

01:06:11.000 But this was not that.

01:06:13.000 Yeah, I saw Eddie Pepitone tape his special a few days ago at Dynasty Typewriter, and he's one of those guys who's so funny and so electric that you have a room full of, you know, the type of people we're kind of talking about.

01:06:25.000 You're more button-up, you know, more of that kind of alternative crowd.

01:06:29.000 They were barking and howling at how funny he was.

01:06:33.000 And some of the things he said, the first thing he does, he grabbed the microphone and he's like, I'm on Molly!

01:06:38.000 Yeah.

01:06:41.000 The whole room just exploded.

01:06:45.000 He's one of those dudes I watch and I'm like, man, intensity is just raw power.

01:06:49.000 Yeah, he's such a nice guy, too.

01:06:51.000 He's a great dude.

01:06:52.000 If you know him, you root for him.

01:06:54.000 He's a sweetheart of a guy.

01:06:57.000 And an odd guy.

01:06:59.000 I don't know any other Eddie Pepitones.

01:07:01.000 No, that's what makes him so great.

01:07:03.000 He's like, this is an experience.

01:07:05.000 To me, the best comedy, I think, is a comedy where you go, oh, I'm having an experience now I can't have again.

01:07:10.000 Right, right, right.

01:07:11.000 I can't have this again.

01:07:12.000 Right, especially a live show.

01:07:13.000 Yeah, I can't go down the block and see this.

01:07:15.000 Yeah.

01:07:16.000 It's not a steakhouse.

01:07:17.000 It's the same in every city.

01:07:18.000 Right. 0.97

01:07:19.000 This is a fucking unique human individual that's having this experience at this moment, and I'm lucky to be here with him. 0.99

01:07:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:27.000 Yeah.

01:07:28.000 Yeah, live shows, man.

01:07:30.000 There's something about it that it's so hard to translate.

01:07:33.000 When you did your Netflix post, you did one of the 15-minute ones?

01:07:35.000 Yes.

01:07:36.000 They're doing a lot of those, which I think is a good move.

01:07:38.000 They're doing 4,000 to 5,000 Jawa.

01:07:40.000 It's a great move.

01:07:41.000 It's a great move to have everyone have a special, I think.

01:07:45.000 My mother's doing one.

01:07:46.000 It's very exciting.

01:07:47.000 You don't even have to do comedy to have a special anymore.

01:07:49.000 No, you can just sit in a car and talk.

01:07:51.000 That's my next submission tape will be me speaking in a car going through an In-N-Out. 0.98

01:07:55.000 Well, Bill Burr's videos of him driving around in his fucking Prius just talking about the funniest thing in the world. 0.98

01:08:01.000 Funnier than most specials. 0.98

01:08:04.000 The Netflix thing was a lot of fun, but here's the reality.

01:08:07.000 I watch it back and I'm like, it was funner in the room.

01:08:11.000 It's just one of those things.

01:08:12.000 I bet Bring the Pain was better in the room, even though it's amazing.

01:08:14.000 You watch that and you're like, this is the highest heights of anything.

01:08:18.000 Yeah, that's why when someone makes you laugh really hard on a special, like, God, imagine what it would have been like being there.

01:08:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:23.000 I mean, comedy is an act.

01:08:26.000 One of my friends always says, comedy should be seen live.

01:08:30.000 And listen, there's something different about a smaller venue.

01:08:33.000 Like when people go see you at the store, there's something different than seeing you in a theater.

01:08:37.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:08:37.000 The level of intimacy.

01:08:39.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:08:39.000 Seeing you work stuff out, seeing you in the moment.

01:08:43.000 There's something different about that.

01:08:45.000 100%.

01:08:46.000 Yeah.

01:08:46.000 Yeah, I like a 150 to 300 seat room.

01:08:50.000 That's what I like.

01:08:50.000 But I also like 11,000 seats too.

01:08:53.000 It's kind of crazy.

01:08:54.000 It's fun in a weird way.

01:08:55.000 That's amazing.

01:08:56.000 And if you can make those people feel like it's intimate, you can.

01:09:00.000 You can treat 11,000 people the same way you treat the main room.

01:09:04.000 I like a 500 seat room that's filled with about 80 people.

01:09:07.000 That's good too.

01:09:08.000 Because there's low expectations.

01:09:09.000 That's what I like.

01:09:10.000 I like a big room full of a very small amount of people.

01:09:13.000 And they can sit back and get really drunk and not worry.

01:09:16.000 You can relax.

01:09:16.000 Send all the waitstaff home.

01:09:18.000 Shut off most of the lights.

01:09:20.000 Yeah, there's something going on when you're doing a live performance that no one's ever really quantified.

01:09:26.000 It's some kind of mass hypnosis or something.

01:09:29.000 It's an energy transfer.

01:09:30.000 Yeah.

01:09:30.000 Because I was an actor for when I was a kid.

01:09:32.000 I was six years old to 12, I was an actor.

01:09:34.000 Whoa.

01:09:35.000 So your parents' idea?

01:09:36.000 It was my idea, Joe.

01:09:38.000 Really?

01:09:38.000 When you were six?

01:09:39.000 Yeah, it was great.

01:09:41.000 I knew it great.

01:09:42.000 Got your cabaret license?

01:09:43.000 Yeah, I was on Sesame Street twice.

01:09:45.000 Were you really?

01:09:45.000 Yeah.

01:09:46.000 For real?

01:09:46.000 Oh, legit.

01:09:47.000 Was it really your idea? 0.82

01:09:48.000 Yeah, I pointed at the TV and said, well, unless my parents are lying, because I don't remember, and they are liars.

01:09:55.000 So they needed money also.

01:09:59.000 They said, I pointed at the TV and said, I want to be on that.

01:10:01.000 And I made them take me on auditions.

01:10:04.000 Now, maybe they were looking over their bills, and I was a good-looking little kid, and they said, he needs to start pulling his weight.

01:10:11.000 And, you know, we gotta start taking them out.

01:10:13.000 But yeah, I was on Sesame Street.

01:10:14.000 I was in a bunch of plays and stuff.

01:10:16.000 That live performance is different.

01:10:17.000 It's still energy.

01:10:18.000 But there's nothing quite like being alone on a stage doing comedy, which I didn't do until much later. 1.00

01:10:26.000 It's all your shit. 1.00

01:10:28.000 You're writing it. 1.00

01:10:29.000 You're figuring out how to say it.

01:10:31.000 You're crafting it, putting it together.

01:10:34.000 That's why the rejection is the deepest.

01:10:37.000 How do you write?

01:10:37.000 I go on stage with an idea and I started doing these little videos on Instagram where I actually kind of rant about an issue and if people kind of respond positively to them, sometimes I'll take that to the stage and I'll just try to rant about an issue and find a few lines that are keepers that are funny.

01:10:55.000 And then I'll sit down and rewrite it and re-look at the bit.

01:10:59.000 But a lot of what I do has to be like, how does it sound?

01:11:02.000 What's the inflection?

01:11:02.000 What's the pacing?

01:11:03.000 So being on stage helps a lot.

01:11:05.000 But there are things that I... What's hard for me, what I have to get better about, is writing about things I don't care about.

01:11:12.000 Like, how so?

01:11:12.000 Like, if you said, give me 50 jokes about the Kardashians, I would not want to do that.

01:11:18.000 But why would you need to?

01:11:19.000 Well, I'm not saying I do, but I mean, that's a skill some people have.

01:11:22.000 There's great monologue joke writers and stuff.

01:11:24.000 But if I see something that's ridiculous that I'm, like, perplexed by or I think is funny, I can devote attention and energy into making that funny.

01:11:35.000 Yeah, I say just concentrate on that. 0.99

01:11:37.000 Fuck all that other stuff. 0.99

01:11:38.000 But I am in awe of certain people where you can go, here's a topic, give me 50 jokes, and they'll have them, and they're good. 0.99

01:11:45.000 But you notice that those guys usually wind up working as writers, and they always feel kind of shitty.

01:11:50.000 That's a lot of them, too.

01:11:52.000 That's not a good...

01:11:53.000 When you're a great comic and you're working as a writer on a sitcom, that's a bad...

01:11:58.000 And you were talking about it earlier.

01:11:59.000 I know a few guys.

01:12:01.000 Like Owen Smith.

01:12:01.000 You know Owen Smith?

01:12:02.000 I don't know him, no.

01:12:03.000 I've heard the name. 0.99

01:12:04.000 One of the best fucking stand-ups in the country. 0.99

01:12:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:06.000 He's so good. 0.99

01:12:08.000 Right.

01:12:08.000 He has this bit.

01:12:09.000 I don't want to tell you much about it.

01:12:10.000 Okay.

01:12:10.000 Because it's about adopting a white son.

01:12:12.000 It is one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my fucking life. 1.00

01:12:16.000 It's so good that you're like, holy shit. 1.00

01:12:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:20.000 It's so fucking twisted. 0.99

01:12:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:22.000 And it's so like, you can't believe what he's saying while he's saying it. 0.99

01:12:26.000 Right.

01:12:26.000 But this is a guy that is...

01:12:29.000 I mean, skill-wise, one of the best stand-up comics in the country.

01:12:32.000 Yeah.

01:12:33.000 But he's not known for it as much as he's got a real career as a writer.

01:12:37.000 Yeah.

01:12:37.000 And he's trying to branch out and move away from that.

01:12:40.000 But goddamn, that guy murders. 1.00

01:12:41.000 When he's in the comedy store, I always sit in the back of the room and watch. 1.00

01:12:44.000 Yeah, well, a lot of people, I guess, with families and kids, you've got to make decisions, you know?

01:12:47.000 Exactly.

01:12:48.000 Exactly.

01:12:48.000 That Ari thing stuck with me when it's like, do you want to be doing something you don't care about?

01:12:52.000 So to me, I have to write about things that I'm interested in.

01:12:55.000 I think the people's careers that I want or the people that I envy, their careers seem to be led by their interests.

01:13:01.000 Yeah.

01:13:02.000 Things that interest them.

01:13:03.000 Yeah.

01:13:03.000 Well, that's a better life.

01:13:05.000 Yeah.

01:13:06.000 I've done both.

01:13:08.000 When I was doing Fear Factor, I wasn't remotely interested in it other than the paycheck.

01:13:12.000 It was a good gig. 0.84

01:13:13.000 I'm not shitting on it.

01:13:15.000 It was a great gig.

01:13:15.000 I love that I had that job.

01:13:17.000 I love being financially stable.

01:13:20.000 At the time, I was like, good.

01:13:22.000 Now I don't have to worry about paying my bills.

01:13:23.000 It's a nice thing.

01:13:24.000 It was a great group of people that I work with.

01:13:27.000 Producers and everybody, network, everybody's great.

01:13:29.000 But there's such a difference between doing that and then doing a podcast.

01:13:33.000 Oh yeah.

01:13:33.000 There's a giant difference.

01:13:34.000 The way that I've kind of done my podcast is like, what do I care about?

01:13:39.000 What do I want to know about?

01:13:41.000 Who can I feasibly get on to talk about it?

01:13:44.000 Those are the things that are interesting to me.

01:13:46.000 Not so much like, let's just pick a topic that's in the news that everyone will have a take on.

01:13:52.000 But I mean, even that, if that's what you're interested in.

01:13:55.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:13:56.000 Of course, if you're interested in that, yeah.

01:13:57.000 But as a comic, to have no boss is so nice.

01:14:00.000 Yeah, that's something nice.

01:14:02.000 Oh, it's the nicest.

01:14:03.000 That's the move.

01:14:04.000 It's the nicest.

01:14:04.000 These comics, they get pigeonholed and stuck into these gigs where they don't want to fuck up the gig, so they don't want to say anything controversial, so their material gets bland.

01:14:15.000 And some of them take these big moral stands, and it's like, well, you're making a crazy amount of money.

01:14:18.000 Some of them are like, I won't work here, and I won't work...

01:14:20.000 If that person is on a lineup, I won't do it.

01:14:22.000 And I'm like, yeah, but you're making a lot of money.

01:14:24.000 That...

01:14:25.000 That drives me crazy.

01:14:26.000 It's crazy.

01:14:27.000 That I'm not going to work with...

01:14:28.000 Unless someone's stealing.

01:14:29.000 Right. 0.98

01:14:30.000 Unless someone's stealing or they're punching people or they're being a rapist or something. 0.92

01:14:34.000 Right.

01:14:34.000 Unless it's something so egregious they should probably be in jail.

01:14:36.000 Like what?

01:14:37.000 What?

01:14:37.000 You got creative differences?

01:14:39.000 Right. 1.00

01:14:39.000 You fucking baby? 1.00

01:14:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:40.000 Get over it. 1.00

01:14:41.000 Grow up.

01:14:41.000 Just get up there.

01:14:42.000 Yeah.

01:14:43.000 I've worked with a lot of people I don't enjoy working with.

01:14:45.000 Yeah, and I don't have the luxury of like, you know, I won't work this venue because this person worked there.

01:14:50.000 It's like, that's good, you know.

01:14:51.000 Well, I still don't.

01:14:53.000 I mean, at the store, I'm there all the time with people I don't even hardly know.

01:14:57.000 Right.

01:14:57.000 You know, I mean, you're on a lineup with 14, 15 people.

01:15:00.000 Yeah.

01:15:01.000 But that's good, too.

01:15:02.000 That's true. 0.95

01:15:03.000 Half of those people could be rapists. 1.00

01:15:05.000 More than half. 0.85

01:15:06.000 Right.

01:15:07.000 That's a clip.

01:15:09.000 Depends on whose definition.

01:15:10.000 That's a clip right there.

01:15:12.000 Depends on whose definition.

01:15:13.000 Rape used to be actual rape. 1.00

01:15:15.000 Right. 0.78

01:15:16.000 Now it's like words.

01:15:17.000 Right.

01:15:20.000 It's true.

01:15:21.000 Well, that's where we come in.

01:15:22.000 That's where it's very confusing.

01:15:24.000 Right. 0.99

01:15:25.000 Because we, as comics, especially comics like you and I that say fucked up shit, you can get away with things that are really not supposed to be in society anymore. 0.99

01:15:33.000 Right. 0.99

01:15:33.000 So sometimes people will get up and leave. 0.99

01:15:35.000 That's fine.

01:15:35.000 I can't believe, like, hey, I'm joking.

01:15:38.000 Sure.

01:15:38.000 Don't you get that I'm joking?

01:15:39.000 Are you drunk?

01:15:40.000 Aren't you in a room?

01:15:42.000 Isn't it 11.30 at night?

01:15:43.000 You performed earlier, but with me, I'm like, isn't it 4 a.m.?

01:15:47.000 What's the problem?

01:15:48.000 If you can't take this opinion now, when are you going to take it?

01:15:51.000 Yeah, and sometimes it's not good.

01:15:54.000 Sometimes the material's not good.

01:15:55.000 I had a bit about those Parkland kids that never worked where I said, I don't want anyone to get shot, but these kids are annoying.

01:16:00.000 These five are annoying.

01:16:01.000 I said, I don't want anyone to get shot. 1.00

01:16:03.000 So I said, let's ban guns, but first we have to shoot these kids. 1.00

01:16:07.000 We have to kill the Parkland kids, these five. 1.00

01:16:08.000 We have to shoot the phones out of their hands and they're going to be the last. 1.00

01:16:12.000 And we're going to explain to them. 0.85

01:16:13.000 We're going to go, we're banning guns. 0.61

01:16:14.000 You'll be the last five people to ever die.

01:16:16.000 And it didn't work.

01:16:18.000 And people were not exactly thrilled with it.

01:16:21.000 But it's like you should be able to try.

01:16:24.000 You should be able to try.

01:16:25.000 You gotta try.

01:16:26.000 You should be able to try.

01:16:27.000 Because sometimes, like you were saying, you go on stage with a premise, and then in the middle of doing that premise, you'll find the beats.

01:16:33.000 Sometimes you don't find the beats.

01:16:34.000 Sometimes you think maybe there's something there.

01:16:37.000 I've had a few bits where I was sure there was something there.

01:16:40.000 I've never been offended by a joke.

01:16:42.000 That's me personally.

01:16:43.000 Like, I've never.

01:16:43.000 Have you ever been offended by a joke?

01:16:45.000 No, I've never been offended, but I've been like, ugh, that one wasn't good.

01:16:49.000 Right.

01:16:49.000 But that's normal.

01:16:50.000 Sure.

01:16:51.000 Yeah.

01:16:52.000 It's the finding the beats on stage in front of a live crowd, too.

01:16:57.000 There's something about that high wire act that makes your brain go to these weird places that comes up with punchlines. 0.99

01:17:02.000 You have to fucking find a punchline. 0.97

01:17:05.000 You have to find something funny. 1.00

01:17:06.000 Yeah.

01:17:06.000 You have to.

01:17:06.000 These people paid money.

01:17:07.000 It's like waving a stake in front of our junkyard dog and you keep tossing them little bits and then eventually you have to throw them the stake.

01:17:15.000 And sometimes there's no punchline. 0.99

01:17:17.000 That's just part of the fucking gig. 0.99

01:17:19.000 And then it's just a Trump rally. 1.00

01:17:21.000 Just screaming.

01:17:24.000 If he doesn't get elected, do you think he goes and starts a podcast, TV network?

01:17:28.000 He totally could.

01:17:30.000 Yeah.

01:17:30.000 He totally could.

01:17:31.000 It'd probably be better for him, honestly.

01:17:33.000 That's what he thought he was going to do, I think, before he got elected.

01:17:35.000 I think he was having high-level meetings with people in the media space to start something like that. 0.96

01:17:41.000 Well, once NBC fired him, NBC fired him while he was running because of the stuff that he said about Mexico, that they're all rapists. 0.90

01:17:47.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:17:48.000 He's like, someone's doing the raping. 0.95

01:17:49.000 Right. 1.00

01:17:50.000 The way he talks is so fucking crazy. 1.00

01:17:52.000 It's out of control. 1.00

01:17:53.000 For a person running for president, NBC is like, that's it, we're getting rid of you.

01:17:56.000 And then they put Arnold in his place, and that was a disaster.

01:17:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:17:59.000 Do you remember that?

01:18:00.000 People forgot.

01:18:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:01.000 Arnold hosted The Apprentice.

01:18:02.000 You're fired.

01:18:03.000 Yeah, that was horrible.

01:18:05.000 It was terrible.

01:18:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:06.000 And Trump was shitting on him. 1.00

01:18:07.000 They did. 0.99

01:18:09.000 Did they just scrap the show after that?

01:18:11.000 Yeah, of course.

01:18:12.000 They canceled it.

01:18:12.000 Here's a question.

01:18:13.000 Does he go back to The Apprentice?

01:18:16.000 Well, if NBC will have him.

01:18:17.000 After the presidency.

01:18:18.000 I think he's too toxic now. 0.92

01:18:20.000 No, he's way too toxic. 0.99

01:18:21.000 He's way too toxic. 0.60

01:18:23.000 Maybe he could come up with something like that for Fox.

01:18:25.000 Oh, Fox is in.

01:18:26.000 They'll scoop him up.

01:18:27.000 That's what's great about Fox.

01:18:28.000 They'll play ball.

01:18:29.000 Yeah.

01:18:29.000 They'll play ball.

01:18:30.000 Yeah.

01:18:31.000 They're not going to leave money on the table.

01:18:32.000 You know what, though?

01:18:33.000 They did want Megyn Kelly back.

01:18:34.000 They're like, eh.

01:18:35.000 Well, she did a thing. 1.00

01:18:36.000 I used to do the show Red Eye on Fox News, which was comics would just try to be funny.

01:18:41.000 They aired it at like 3 a.m.

01:18:43.000 East Coast time.

01:18:44.000 And I saw her the week she was doing that, and she was in the dressing room, and she knew she shouldn't have left.

01:18:49.000 She could feel it.

01:18:50.000 She'd already made the decision, but you could kind of see it in her face, that I think she knew that she was going to try to be this daytime TV queen and like, let's bake cupcakes, you know?

01:19:00.000 Yeah.

01:19:00.000 I just spent four years on Fox News talking about Santa being white.

01:19:03.000 But now let's bake cupcakes because I'm America's sweetheart.

01:19:07.000 That's never going to work.

01:19:08.000 Well, it's weird when you publicly change your image.

01:19:12.000 It's insane.

01:19:13.000 You're publicly changing your image?

01:19:15.000 Her skirts got longer.

01:19:17.000 She covered her neck.

01:19:19.000 There was no more cleavage.

01:19:21.000 Every show was about sexual assault. 0.72

01:19:23.000 Every single show was about sexual assault.

01:19:25.000 What do you think that was about?

01:19:25.000 I think she was trying to ingratiate herself in with the people that hated her.

01:19:29.000 Which is like the New York media types, the people that did not like her, and then she was like, okay.

01:19:33.000 But it wasn't even just about sexual assault. 0.99

01:19:35.000 One of them was a lady who fucked Matt Lauer, and she knew she was fucking him, and she was talking about him, and she fucked him. 1.00

01:19:41.000 Well, I didn't know any better. 0.99

01:19:43.000 I was 25. Right.

01:19:45.000 You're 25? 1.00

01:19:46.000 You fucked a guy. 1.00

01:19:47.000 You fucked Matt Lauer. 1.00

01:19:47.000 What happened that's bad here? 1.00

01:19:49.000 Right. 1.00

01:19:50.000 Well, he shouldn't have fucked you because he was married. 1.00

01:19:51.000 Okay, after that. 1.00

01:19:53.000 What happened?

01:19:53.000 What's going on?

01:19:54.000 Nothing? 1.00

01:19:55.000 You just fucked him? 1.00

01:19:56.000 Who cares? 1.00

01:19:57.000 Why is this a segment of a show?

01:19:59.000 Is it because it's scandalous?

01:20:00.000 Megyn Kelly did an interview with her?

01:20:02.000 Yeah.

01:20:02.000 Great.

01:20:03.000 Yeah, and she was saying, you know, I was young and I was impressionable.

01:20:07.000 Sure.

01:20:08.000 Of course you were.

01:20:08.000 It's funny to see them all put nails in each other's coffins.

01:20:11.000 Right, exactly.

01:20:12.000 Isn't that great?

01:20:13.000 Media's like this blood feud.

01:20:14.000 There's only a few families that control all this information.

01:20:16.000 They all hate each other.

01:20:17.000 That's why Succession is such a great show.

01:20:20.000 Well, I think with Meghan, it was like that she had been sexually harassed while she was at Fox News.

01:20:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:25.000 She was going after all those people.

01:20:26.000 By Roger Ailes.

01:20:27.000 Yeah.

01:20:27.000 So she was going after, and I think Bill O'Reilly, too.

01:20:30.000 I think there was something in situation.

01:20:31.000 He paid somebody $38 million, so it's like...

01:20:34.000 That's a lot!

01:20:34.000 What did he do?

01:20:36.000 I think it was 32. Was it 32 or 38?

01:20:39.000 What did that guy do?

01:20:41.000 What did he do?

01:20:41.000 And my grandfather still has a Bill O'Reilly Patriots Welcome doormat.

01:20:46.000 Wow.

01:20:47.000 You know?

01:20:47.000 It's a good mat.

01:20:48.000 I mean, imagine.

01:20:50.000 That's a giant amount of money.

01:20:52.000 It's the amount of money where what he did should be, I mean, it seems like it could be a Netflix documentary.

01:20:58.000 Right.

01:20:59.000 It's like horrific.

01:21:00.000 Like he offered her 37 million.

01:21:02.000 She's like, no.

01:21:04.000 Keep going.

01:21:05.000 Yeah.

01:21:05.000 Yeah, right.

01:21:07.000 Right.

01:21:07.000 I'm going to need more after what you did to me.

01:21:09.000 This is a $32 million offense.

01:21:11.000 Yeah.

01:21:12.000 Well, there was that one recording they had left on some assistance machine.

01:21:15.000 Andrea Macris.

01:21:16.000 That woman, yeah. 1.00

01:21:17.000 Touching with a loofah sponge or some weird shit. 0.99

01:21:20.000 Yeah, you know. 0.99

01:21:20.000 I mean, that's what he was trying to do. 0.99

01:21:22.000 That's a creepy old guy move.

01:21:25.000 Yeah.

01:21:25.000 Get you with a sponge.

01:21:26.000 It's an interesting...

01:21:27.000 He tried to have his ex-wife excommunicated from the church.

01:21:32.000 What?

01:21:32.000 Great.

01:21:33.000 Did he?

01:21:34.000 He tried.

01:21:35.000 I mean, no.

01:21:35.000 Why?

01:21:36.000 Well, because he wanted her to go to hell. 0.98

01:21:38.000 A church? 0.99

01:21:39.000 Yeah, a Catholic church. 1.00

01:21:40.000 Imagine what kind of donation you have to make to get your ex-wife sent to hell. 1.00

01:21:43.000 Probably $32 million. 0.97

01:21:44.000 He's got it.

01:21:45.000 But he wanted her excommunicated.

01:21:47.000 That's the type of guy he is.

01:21:49.000 But the crazy thing is, even after all this, the guy still had the number one book in the New York Times bestseller list.

01:21:54.000 Yeah, because people dig in. 1.00

01:21:55.000 Those old fuckers, they just give in. 1.00

01:21:57.000 They dig in. 1.00

01:21:58.000 They don't care.

01:21:58.000 They like him.

01:21:59.000 They like him.

01:21:59.000 I know who he is.

01:22:00.000 He's folksy.

01:22:01.000 He's like my uncle.

01:22:02.000 He's a good man.

01:22:04.000 Somebody spent $40 million for some woman he tortured.

01:22:07.000 The tide goes in, the tide goes out.

01:22:09.000 I'm with God.

01:22:11.000 I'm with God. 0.99

01:22:12.000 Yeah, when he was doing that, that fucking tide goes in, the tide goes out, you can't explain it one. 1.00

01:22:16.000 I was like, wow, you went to Harvard, you fucking piece of shit. 1.00

01:22:20.000 You can explain that. 1.00

01:22:21.000 A lot of those guys are, they wear religion. 1.00

01:22:26.000 Like a fuck. 1.00

01:22:27.000 It's fashionable to wear it. 1.00

01:22:28.000 They wear it.

01:22:29.000 They know better.

01:22:31.000 They know better.

01:22:32.000 Trump does that.

01:22:33.000 He gets out and he goes, I'm a Christian.

01:22:35.000 I may not be the best Christian, but I'm a Christian.

01:22:37.000 I have leadership qualities.

01:22:38.000 Good enough.

01:22:39.000 It's good enough.

01:22:40.000 And you're like, not the best Christian. 1.00

01:22:43.000 You're a thrice married guy who owns gambling in a Miss Universe pageant.

01:22:50.000 You're a biblical... 1.00

01:22:51.000 That's like a biblical figure that would be like a Roman king that everybody was warned about.

01:22:57.000 Like, in terms of like, I mean...

01:23:00.000 I want him to shave his head.

01:23:01.000 What do you think that will do?

01:23:03.000 Just freedom.

01:23:04.000 I think it would be funny if you shaved it like somebody had a cancer issue and he just shaved it with them to be a good guy.

01:23:09.000 Well, it doesn't look good.

01:23:11.000 That's what's confusing to me.

01:23:12.000 I think it has a style.

01:23:13.000 When my hair wasn't looking good, it was impossible to look good.

01:23:18.000 It was falling out to the point where this is just a mess.

01:23:20.000 Then I went and buzzed it.

01:23:23.000 I always remember you like that.

01:23:24.000 My generation always remembers you like the just bald, virile type.

01:23:28.000 Oh, like this.

01:23:28.000 Yeah, it's nice.

01:23:29.000 I've been like this for a long time now.

01:23:32.000 I'm solid eight plus years.

01:23:34.000 Yeah.

01:23:34.000 Bald.

01:23:35.000 You want Trump to just go...

01:23:38.000 I think he would be better off.

01:23:40.000 It'd be easier.

01:23:41.000 Like, he's not good looking.

01:23:42.000 Like, he must know that.

01:23:45.000 That would complete his transformation into a supervillain.

01:23:48.000 I guess like a Lex Luthor type guy?

01:23:50.000 Oh yeah.

01:23:50.000 But I just...

01:23:51.000 Like I just...

01:23:53.000 It's gotta be so much work to put that hair together.

01:23:56.000 I think someone does it from...

01:23:58.000 But even then, you gotta talk to them while they're putting it together.

01:24:00.000 I bet you he doesn't talk to them.

01:24:02.000 What do you think he does is just tweets angry?

01:24:03.000 I bet you he's not concerned with the human relations with his staff.

01:24:07.000 I just get that vibe.

01:24:09.000 I get that vibe.

01:24:10.000 I get that vibe the person who's in charge of the hair just does the hair.

01:24:13.000 I hope he retires...

01:24:14.000 When he retires, or when he's done, I hope he goes right into podcasting.

01:24:18.000 Would you have him on right now?

01:24:20.000 Yes.

01:24:20.000 Yeah, of course.

01:24:21.000 You have to.

01:24:22.000 You have to.

01:24:22.000 Yeah.

01:24:23.000 Yeah.

01:24:23.000 For sure.

01:24:24.000 Yeah.

01:24:25.000 Why wouldn't he come on?

01:24:27.000 This is two and a half, three hours.

01:24:29.000 He's busy.

01:24:30.000 He's busy and I had some jokes about him.

01:24:33.000 He's petty.

01:24:33.000 He hates comedy.

01:24:35.000 He does not like to be made fun of.

01:24:37.000 He doesn't like to be made fun of.

01:24:38.000 I'm sure.

01:24:39.000 Michelle Wolf got him on Twitter a few times.

01:24:41.000 Yeah.

01:24:41.000 She did the correspondence dinner.

01:24:43.000 And he went after her. 0.97

01:24:44.000 But she got right back at him and she wrote, I bet you'd be on my side if I killed a journalist. 0.70

01:24:48.000 Yeah, I saw that. 1.00

01:24:50.000 Michelle's a kill shot. 1.00

01:24:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:51.000 It's a kill shot. 1.00

01:24:52.000 You're not going to win. 0.97

01:24:53.000 Yeah, she snuffed him out with that one. 0.96

01:24:55.000 She's great, man.

01:24:56.000 She'll just forget it. 1.00

01:24:57.000 He just dropped off the face of the earth.

01:24:58.000 He was done.

01:25:01.000 She neutered him. 0.77

01:25:02.000 One tweet, neutered.

01:25:04.000 Yeah, there's some people that go after him, though, and it doesn't work, and he doesn't respond, and it looks so weird.

01:25:09.000 It's weird when I see my aunt tweeting at him.

01:25:11.000 I'm like, what do you think this is going to do?

01:25:16.000 My aunt with 43 followers.

01:25:18.000 What did she say? 0.99

01:25:21.000 You're a disgusting representation of this country. 0.99

01:25:24.000 She'll tweet this. 0.99

01:25:25.000 And then I have another rant who's the other side that'll be like, I believe in you, keep going.

01:25:30.000 And I just imagine him scrolling through these messages and reading these.

01:25:33.000 Do you think he only looks at verified accounts?

01:25:37.000 If you think about how many people he follows on Twitter, I think if he's wise, he doesn't see the mentions.

01:25:43.000 I'll tell you right now, his biggest fans are not verified.

01:25:48.000 His biggest fans do not have a blue check.

01:25:50.000 They're under 100 followers.

01:25:52.000 They have dog...

01:25:53.000 His biggest fans, not just the people that voted for him, the people that are still in love with him.

01:25:58.000 A lot of them have dog profile pictures, like a dog that recently died.

01:26:02.000 There's a lot of dead dogs floating around Facebook.

01:26:05.000 Flags and a banner?

01:26:07.000 Flags.

01:26:08.000 None of them have ever served in the military.

01:26:10.000 Right.

01:26:10.000 But they all have the flag.

01:26:11.000 They all have the flag.

01:26:12.000 No one's ever served.

01:26:14.000 And 43 to 48 followers.

01:26:20.000 Hashtag MAGA. Hashtag MAGA. You know, a lot of them aren't real.

01:26:23.000 Do you know that?

01:26:24.000 What are they?

01:26:25.000 They're Russian bots. 0.90

01:26:26.000 Really?

01:26:26.000 Yeah, it's real.

01:26:28.000 There's a guy in Russia who's got that job?

01:26:30.000 Trying to impersonate my aunt on Long Island?

01:26:33.000 There's a lot of people that have him.

01:26:34.000 They have various accounts that they use.

01:26:37.000 Interesting.

01:26:37.000 There's a woman named Renee DiResta.

01:26:39.000 She's coming on the podcast soon.

01:26:40.000 She did a study of this for... 0.68

01:26:42.000 I forget what she did it for, but she was on Sam Harris' podcast.

01:26:46.000 She went in depth with it.

01:26:47.000 I'll send it to you after we're done here.

01:26:48.000 Please. 0.95

01:26:48.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.95

01:26:50.000 But they did all kinds of crazy shit. 1.00

01:26:52.000 They would have a pro-Muslim group, and they would put on a demonstration right across the street from a pro-Texas group, and they would organize both of them. 1.00

01:27:00.000 Really?

01:27:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:27:02.000 To just sow discord.

01:27:03.000 Yeah.

01:27:03.000 They would organize African Americans against Hillary Clinton.

01:27:07.000 Anyone but Hillary. 0.76

01:27:09.000 We gotta vote for Jill Stein. 1.00

01:27:10.000 She doesn't represent us.

01:27:13.000 This is all Russians. 0.99

01:27:14.000 And then they would have other people that were pro-Bernie. 0.99

01:27:17.000 And then Hillary fucked over Bernie. 1.00

01:27:20.000 And these were Russians as well. 0.99

01:27:21.000 It's nice that our CIA will just foment coups and overthrow their leaders. 1.00

01:27:24.000 It's nice that we'll just kill their people. 1.00

01:27:26.000 We don't fuck with their social media. 1.00

01:27:28.000 I think we fuck with their social media, too. 1.00

01:27:29.000 Listen, I'm sure we do. 0.99

01:27:31.000 I wrote off a lot of that Russian stuff as people's wishful thinking, but the more and more I read about it, the more there is a coordinated attempt, seemingly, to infiltrate these social media, and so Discord, yeah.

01:27:41.000 Yeah, there's 100% a real thing going on, because this woman documented it, and it was also really funny.

01:27:46.000 She was talking about how many of the memes that they created that were really funny.

01:27:49.000 Oh, they're hilarious, probably.

01:27:51.000 Yeah, and they came out of Russia.

01:27:52.000 So there's a bunch of guys in a room in Moscow creating memes.

01:27:55.000 Yeah.

01:27:55.000 And it's so funny.

01:27:57.000 They went through KGB training or whatever it is now, FSB, and this is where they ended up.

01:28:02.000 I think they just hire young people.

01:28:04.000 This is the frontier of the war against the United States.

01:28:07.000 The thing is, though, if they can do that and get people really upset, if they really can do it, that's a really effective strategy.

01:28:15.000 It's a great strategy.

01:28:15.000 You can make things happen now.

01:28:17.000 Because it's just sowing internal discord and we're going to collapse our own system.

01:28:20.000 I wonder how many of these Jesse Smollett...

01:28:22.000 Is that how you say his name?

01:28:24.000 Jesse Smollett is Russian.

01:28:25.000 The whole thing is Russian.

01:28:26.000 It's not even real.

01:28:27.000 The whole thing is Russian.

01:28:28.000 Jesse Smollett doesn't exist.

01:28:30.000 I wonder how many of the memes were created by Russians to try to get people upset. 0.98

01:28:34.000 I bet there's a bunch.

01:28:35.000 I bet there's more people stirring things up than just Americans that are upset.

01:28:40.000 No, I'm sure it's people that are...

01:28:41.000 But then there's also just a lot of Americans that hate each other.

01:28:44.000 Does that?

01:28:45.000 Yeah.

01:28:46.000 There's that.

01:28:48.000 What do you think happens with Jussie Smollett? 1.00

01:28:50.000 Because ABC got rid of Roseanne for a tweet. 0.98

01:28:53.000 You've got to get rid of this guy.

01:28:54.000 I thought he was getting canceled.

01:28:56.000 He was getting written out, rather.

01:28:58.000 That's what I read today, but I don't know.

01:29:00.000 I thought he was getting written out before, and this is one of the reasons why he did it.

01:29:04.000 Well, I support him if that's the case, because this is a very hard business.

01:29:08.000 This is a very tough business.

01:29:10.000 It is hard.

01:29:11.000 It's hard to make it.

01:29:12.000 I love that they had to plan that out, and he said to the two guys, he goes, listen...

01:29:15.000 Get a noose.

01:29:16.000 Yeah.

01:29:17.000 Go get rope and do a noose.

01:29:19.000 A lot of these hate crimes, first of all, hate crimes happen and they're horrible.

01:29:23.000 Yeah.

01:29:23.000 But some of these things are fake.

01:29:24.000 Do you know he showed up at the hotel with the noose still around his neck holding a Subway sandwich?

01:29:30.000 Just that alone.

01:29:31.000 The people at the hotel should have been like, what?

01:29:35.000 What happened?

01:29:36.000 That's amazing.

01:29:37.000 Okay, what happened?

01:29:38.000 Why are you wearing a noose?

01:29:40.000 You still have the sandwich?

01:29:41.000 And why are you eating at Subway?

01:29:43.000 You're not sick to your stomach?

01:29:44.000 You're on Empire. 0.97

01:29:45.000 What the hell's wrong with you?

01:29:47.000 Nothing wrong with Subway. 0.96

01:29:48.000 Subway's not good.

01:29:49.000 It's not bad if you're hungry.

01:29:50.000 Listen, I've clearly eaten it.

01:29:52.000 Yeah.

01:29:52.000 But it ain't great.

01:29:53.000 But if it's like 2 o'clock in the morning, it's the only thing open.

01:29:57.000 Why is it open at 2am?

01:29:58.000 That's a great point.

01:29:59.000 Because it's open.

01:30:00.000 It's a good move to be open when nothing else is open.

01:30:02.000 It's a good point.

01:30:02.000 Get a nice Italian sub with double meat.

01:30:04.000 I like the...

01:30:05.000 Oil and vinegar, salt and pepper.

01:30:07.000 Meatball with the mozzarella or whatever, and then you don't toast it, you let the hot meatballs melt the cheese.

01:30:13.000 Oh, I agree with that.

01:30:14.000 Yeah, that's a good move.

01:30:16.000 A meatball sub is always a good move.

01:30:17.000 It's always a good move, especially after faking a hate crime.

01:30:22.000 After you have faked a hate crime, a meatball, how nervous are you after you do that? 1.00

01:30:26.000 I'm such a pussy, I could never go, I could never do what he did. 0.99

01:30:30.000 Some level associated, but then I saw that actor I had dinner with the other night, and I went, oh, he could do that? 1.00

01:30:35.000 Yeah.

01:30:35.000 Oh, these people can do it.

01:30:36.000 Yeah.

01:30:37.000 Because they're on another level.

01:30:38.000 Well, the other thing is, people say, who would want to be a victim?

01:30:42.000 Who'd want to fake being a victim?

01:30:43.000 I heard that during the Kavanaugh hearing. 0.99

01:30:45.000 I was like, that is a ridiculous thing to say. 0.92

01:30:49.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:30:49.000 Because there's a lot There's a lot of currency in being a victim. 0.93

01:30:52.000 In our business, it is a lot of currency.

01:30:54.000 In public, today, in the world, people praise victims for coming out and they support them.

01:31:00.000 You get a tremendous amount of love, especially if you're a legit victim of something.

01:31:04.000 Yeah, of course.

01:31:04.000 I mean, there's a lot to that.

01:31:06.000 Yeah.

01:31:07.000 The idea that no one would do that is so against, it's so contrary to human nature.

01:31:11.000 No, everyone would do it.

01:31:12.000 I want to do it.

01:31:13.000 What would you do?

01:31:14.000 What kind of hate crime would you fake?

01:31:16.000 It's a great idea.

01:31:17.000 I don't know.

01:31:17.000 If I got punched and people saw my face, they'd go, good.

01:31:23.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:25.000 They would look at my face and go, yeah, okay, good.

01:31:29.000 I tweeted something today.

01:31:30.000 I was like, hey, I'm at Flappers on...

01:31:33.000 What was it?

01:31:34.000 The 26 of Flappers.

01:31:36.000 There was two guys who was Hollywood with MAGA hats.

01:31:38.000 They beat me up.

01:31:38.000 They poured something on me.

01:31:39.000 I don't know what it was.

01:31:40.000 I think it was come.

01:31:41.000 Please come to Flappers.

01:31:44.000 But I mean, that's the thing.

01:31:44.000 Listen, I watched Good Morning America interview this morning and I laughed.

01:31:49.000 I sent this to my buddy.

01:31:51.000 I go, there's a moment in it when they go, how did you know it was the attackers?

01:31:54.000 And he goes like this.

01:31:55.000 He goes...

01:31:56.000 You can see the insanity.

01:31:57.000 You can see it in his eyes.

01:31:58.000 He goes like this.

01:31:59.000 He goes, I was there. 1.00

01:32:01.000 And he's just doing that shitty actor-y, like just fucking shitty acting class shit. 1.00

01:32:07.000 That whore shit. 1.00

01:32:09.000 I was there. 1.00

01:32:10.000 And I'm like, this is fucking crazy. 0.98

01:32:13.000 He was going to inform on two guys. 0.99

01:32:15.000 If there were two white guys with MAGA hats who got caught, they'd be in jail right now because the detective said to him, we have two suspects on camera.

01:32:24.000 Do you think it's them?

01:32:25.000 He's like, yeah.

01:32:26.000 Then he found out it's his two buddies and he's like, well, I can't testify against them.

01:32:29.000 He was going to testify against two people who they thought were guilty.

01:32:33.000 So he said that he thought it was them?

01:32:35.000 Yeah, there's a Good Morning America interview of him going, yeah, it's those two.

01:32:40.000 That takes it to another level.

01:32:42.000 Yeah, and then Fox is like, hey, he's good on the show.

01:32:45.000 We stand behind him.

01:32:47.000 That takes it to a completely different level.

01:32:49.000 Dude, there would be people in jail right now.

01:32:50.000 He wouldn't care.

01:32:51.000 Could you imagine?

01:32:52.000 It's crazy.

01:32:53.000 Could you imagine not just faking a hate crime, but then putting people in jail? 1.00

01:32:58.000 Imagine being those two guys who are just sitting in jail like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:33:01.000 You're on the cover of the New York Post, nabbed them, got them, and they're sitting there like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:33:07.000 And everybody wants to kick their ass. 1.00

01:33:08.000 And Empire next season is all about Jussie Smollett. 1.00

01:33:11.000 They fire everyone else on the show and it's just a Jussie Smollett story and two innocent people rotten. 1.00

01:33:17.000 It's just the gay Tupac wandering through the streets of empire. 0.99

01:33:20.000 That's why people in Ohio, whenever Hollywood's like, here's how to vote, they go, you know what, no.

01:33:24.000 Exactly.

01:33:25.000 They go, you know what, no thank you. 1.00

01:33:26.000 I see what you're doing, you fucks. 1.00

01:33:28.000 Faking hate crimes. 1.00

01:33:29.000 What kind of hate crime would you fake if you were going to do it?

01:33:31.000 It's a great question.

01:33:32.000 If you really wanted to get ahead.

01:33:32.000 It's a great question.

01:33:34.000 What if someone gave you a license to fake a hate crime?

01:33:36.000 What if there was a television show about faking a hate crime?

01:33:40.000 You know how they do like Punk'd?

01:33:41.000 Sure.

01:33:42.000 Fake things like that?

01:33:43.000 How about you fake a hate crime?

01:33:44.000 I'd love to do something like that.

01:33:45.000 True TV presents Fake a Hate Crime.

01:33:48.000 Yeah.

01:33:48.000 Yeah, it's interesting.

01:33:50.000 I'm trying to think.

01:33:51.000 Press conference, whole deal. 0.95

01:33:52.000 Maybe a halal guy would attack me. 1.00

01:33:55.000 In New York City, like a halal guy would attack me because he views me as a symbol of imperialism and oppression. 0.67

01:34:02.000 That would be good.

01:34:03.000 You know, even though I patronize his stand all the time, he still feels the need to attack.

01:34:07.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:34:07.000 I could never do that.

01:34:09.000 No.

01:34:09.000 I'm one of those people who would get, and I would get caught.

01:34:13.000 I would never think I'd get away with it.

01:34:15.000 Wanting everyone to think you're a victim when nothing really happened is an insanely selfish thing.

01:34:20.000 Yeah.

01:34:20.000 That's an insane, like, faking physical crime.

01:34:23.000 Like, he had to have someone punch him. 0.99

01:34:24.000 Already hit himself.

01:34:26.000 Yeah, these MAGA hat wearing gangs that everyone's talking about in Chicago and LA and New York do not exist.

01:34:32.000 If you have a MAGA hat on at 2am in New York, you're getting bleach poured on you.

01:34:36.000 Yeah, probably.

01:34:37.000 That's the reality.

01:34:38.000 Well, also, like...

01:34:40.000 Just, he was saying that he like punched him back and like he fought back.

01:34:44.000 And I love how he was like, first of all, he was on camera for everything except one minute.

01:34:48.000 So they ask him a good morning, America.

01:34:49.000 They go, how long was this?

01:34:51.000 He's like, it felt like several minutes, but it could have been 30 seconds.

01:34:55.000 Like he's covering this span of time in his lie.

01:34:58.000 He's going, I got to say it's less than a minute because I'm only off camera for a minute.

01:35:03.000 Whenever you hear about a guy who kills his wife and blames a black guy, there's been a bunch of those, right?

01:35:09.000 There's been a ton of them.

01:35:10.000 And then you see the interview...

01:35:11.000 O.J. Simpson, for example?

01:35:12.000 Did he blame someone?

01:35:14.000 Who did he blame?

01:35:14.000 No, somebody probably blamed him.

01:35:16.000 You think?

01:35:16.000 No, I'm kidding.

01:35:17.000 Remember, there was a recent one.

01:35:19.000 People were saying that his son did it.

01:35:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:20.000 My mother always believed that.

01:35:22.000 But again, it's a weird conspiracy theory, though, right?

01:35:24.000 Isn't that a weird one?

01:35:25.000 That's what I don't really get into.

01:35:26.000 Yeah.

01:35:27.000 I don't want...

01:35:27.000 Yeah, that's...

01:35:28.000 Those are the ones that are out there.

01:35:29.000 I don't really get into that.

01:35:30.000 I don't go near the moon.

01:35:32.000 I don't go near...

01:35:33.000 I'm not an OJ truther.

01:35:34.000 Are you a Gulf of Tonkin guy or Operation Northwoods?

01:35:38.000 Those are all true.

01:35:39.000 There's nothing...

01:35:41.000 Those are all true.

01:35:42.000 Operation Northwoods is my favorite.

01:35:43.000 It's crazy.

01:35:44.000 Yeah.

01:35:45.000 They talked about bombing a ship.

01:35:47.000 Yeah.

01:35:48.000 With people on it.

01:35:49.000 They were going to blow up a drone jetliner and blame it on the Cubans. 0.74

01:35:52.000 Yeah.

01:35:52.000 They were going to attack Guantanamo Bay, arm Cuban friendlies, and have them attack Guantanamo Bay.

01:35:58.000 It's crazy.

01:35:59.000 Yeah.

01:36:00.000 Yeah, that was not that long ago.

01:36:02.000 I know.

01:36:02.000 That's why we need you back.

01:36:06.000 Conspiracies are too fucking, it's too exhausting. 0.88

01:36:08.000 I got exhausting because I would do a show and then somebody would come up to me after this show and they'd be like, they'd show me a pizza menu. 0.98

01:36:14.000 I swear to God.

01:36:15.000 And they'd go, you see that?

01:36:16.000 And I'd go, no, what is it?

01:36:18.000 They'd go, that's the Nambla symbol. 1.00

01:36:19.000 And I'm like, it says garlic knots.

01:36:22.000 And they're like, you bet.

01:36:26.000 No, they're like, you gotta really look at it.

01:36:27.000 And I'm like, alright, I can't go the rest of my life with that.

01:36:31.000 Well, they look for it in everything.

01:36:33.000 Everything's a conspiracy.

01:36:35.000 And then when it comes back to you, and they say, oh, Tim is involved in this.

01:36:40.000 And then you go, oh, I see how this works. 0.99

01:36:42.000 People just make shit up. 1.00

01:36:43.000 And then they believe it. 0.99

01:36:45.000 The CIA is now getting involved in podcasting.

01:36:47.000 Yes.

01:36:48.000 With you guys.

01:36:48.000 You're their first show, but they're going to get a few others on.

01:36:50.000 They're deeply involved in stand-up.

01:36:52.000 They've started a network. 0.94

01:36:52.000 Sort of like the Russian trolls. 0.94

01:36:54.000 That's what they're doing. 0.94

01:36:54.000 Deeply involved in stand-up. 0.94

01:36:56.000 I love the idea of the CIA. Going and watching sets and be like, who's getting passed at the store?

01:37:02.000 Oh, you don't know.

01:37:03.000 I have a friend of mine who thinks that the CIA started Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix.

01:37:09.000 There's a book about that called Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon written by a guy named Dave McGowan.

01:37:14.000 Yes.

01:37:14.000 And I'm going to tell you right now, Joe, it's kind of interesting.

01:37:17.000 I'm going to tell you, it's kind of interesting. 0.98

01:37:19.000 There was a lot of cult shit going on in Laurel Canyon. 0.99

01:37:22.000 I'm sure. 1.00

01:37:22.000 Probably about pussy. 1.00

01:37:23.000 There was a lot of weird shit going on in the CIA. The Rand Corp was all over there. 1.00

01:37:27.000 There was a lot of shit happening. 0.99

01:37:30.000 Well, I'm sure there was a lot of shit happening, but there is not a fucking intelligence agency in the world that can create a Jimi Hendrix. 1.00

01:37:37.000 No, of course. 0.98

01:37:38.000 And they're not sitting there.

01:37:39.000 That book was like that they were managing the birds.

01:37:41.000 Yeah.

01:37:42.000 The CIA was like, they were like, no, it's Mr. Tambourine.

01:37:44.000 It was like a CIA guy gonna be like, it's Tambourine Man.

01:37:47.000 Yeah.

01:37:48.000 Play a song for me.

01:37:50.000 Yeah.

01:37:51.000 Imagine being in that time in the country when everything was just falling apart left and right around us. 0.99

01:37:59.000 Vietnam War, Kent State, just fucking Nixon's the president. 0.98

01:38:04.000 It's just chaos left and right. 0.99

01:38:06.000 There's no internet.

01:38:08.000 Everyone's doing drugs.

01:38:10.000 It must have been wild.

01:38:11.000 It must have been amazing.

01:38:12.000 I mean, I always think about that Hunter S. Thompson quote about, you know, like we talked about the 60s and that in the 70s it was almost like the wave crested and then just pulled back.

01:38:22.000 It's crashed out from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

01:38:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:25.000 But I'm a big, like, I'm a Kennedy guy.

01:38:27.000 I think there's something really shady with that.

01:38:29.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:38:30.000 For sure.

01:38:30.000 And in that book, there's some amazing stuff about that.

01:38:32.000 No, this book that you gave me is Family of Secrets.

01:38:35.000 Family of Secrets is a guy, Russ Baker, who's a legit journalist, and it's been praised by Dan Rather and Bill Moyers.

01:38:39.000 You're trying to drag me in, bro.

01:38:40.000 I'm trying to get you in.

01:38:41.000 Let me tell you right now, this will get you in.

01:38:42.000 I doubt it.

01:38:43.000 It'll get you in.

01:38:43.000 I don't have that kind of time for this.

01:38:45.000 Did you know that George H.W. Bush called the FBI and said that he thought he knew who the killer of JFK was?

01:38:51.000 Did you know that?

01:38:52.000 No.

01:39:09.000 And that came out in a memo and there was another memo.

01:39:12.000 These are declassified FBI memos, Freedom of Information Act.

01:39:14.000 There was another memo that said after the assassination, J. Edgar Hoover briefed George Bush of the CIA. The problem was George Bush should not have been working for the CIA at that point.

01:39:24.000 He should have been just a private citizen.

01:39:25.000 So it suggested he was working for the agency for a very long time.

01:39:29.000 And he was made the director of the agency for one year after the family jewels came out, which was this whole thing where the CIA went to Congress and they admitted that they had done all these things from, you know, coups and fomenting revolutions in countries.

01:39:43.000 And they made him the director for one year after that happened to make a clean break.

01:40:05.000 They called him a lightweight?

01:40:10.000 Yeah, they called – yeah, he was like – I think Kissinger had said to Nixon – Kissinger had said to Nixon like he's lightweight.

01:40:15.000 He made him ambassador to China.

01:40:17.000 He was never a guy that had serious political capital and he was made the head of the CIA. And then after that memo was unearthed, people were saying, oh, he had – this was an extension of the cover-up.

01:40:28.000 He was being made the director at this very interesting time in history because he actually had worked with the agency forever and he was not at all a lightweight.

01:40:36.000 He was a serious operator and he was going in there to kind of clean up and transition them into a new era.

01:40:43.000 I'm telling you.

01:40:44.000 I'm already out.

01:40:45.000 You're out?

01:40:46.000 How are you out?

01:40:47.000 I can't listen to that.

01:40:48.000 It's great though. 1.00

01:40:49.000 I need current shit. 0.99

01:40:51.000 I need some like Julian Assange. 1.00

01:40:54.000 I need something right.

01:40:55.000 I need some Edward Snowden.

01:40:57.000 I know the Bushes are done.

01:40:57.000 I can't do the Bush anymore.

01:40:59.000 I'll get an Assange book.

01:41:00.000 I'll get an Assange book.

01:41:02.000 I can't get in there.

01:41:04.000 I'll dabble in the Clintons.

01:41:06.000 I'll dabble in the Clintons.

01:41:07.000 If you read a chapter of this.

01:41:09.000 Yeah?

01:41:09.000 If you read a chapter of this.

01:41:10.000 You give me a cookie?

01:41:13.000 I don't have a cookie.

01:41:14.000 And if I do, I'm taking it.

01:41:18.000 But it's very interesting and it's a well-written book because it's not reckless and sloppy.

01:41:22.000 I'll read the first chapter, I promise.

01:41:24.000 Thank you.

01:41:24.000 I will.

01:41:25.000 Listen, a buddy of mine gave me David Lifton's Best Evidence on the Kennedy assassination and that got me into conspiracy theories.

01:41:34.000 This is like 92-ish.

01:41:37.000 And I get it.

01:41:38.000 You're at the end of the road now where you're like, this is... 1.00

01:41:40.000 Because a lot of people are full of shit in that world. 1.00

01:41:43.000 A lot. 1.00

01:41:43.000 A lot of them. 1.00

01:41:44.000 And that's what people don't realize.

01:41:45.000 A lot.

01:41:46.000 Well, then it gets deeper and deeper and deeper and more and more preposterous.

01:41:50.000 Have you ever Googled hashtag space is fake?

01:41:53.000 No, but that sounds amazing.

01:41:58.000 There is a thriving space is fake community.

01:42:02.000 Have you ever been in space?

01:42:04.000 No, good point.

01:42:05.000 Could be fake.

01:42:06.000 Come back.

01:42:07.000 Come back to us, Joe.

01:42:08.000 Prove it, bro.

01:42:08.000 No, what is space...

01:42:10.000 Come back to it.

01:42:11.000 Well, it's an extension of flat Earth. 1.00

01:42:13.000 It's like for people to think that flat Earth is not stupid enough. 0.99

01:42:16.000 It's too conservative. 1.00

01:42:16.000 They go deeper. 1.00

01:42:17.000 It's like it's not stupid enough. 1.00

01:42:18.000 Yeah, they think for those flat Earth cucks, they want to move into space. 1.00

01:42:23.000 They want to go to, space is fake.

01:42:25.000 Yeah, you want to know what's really up.

01:42:27.000 Space is fake.

01:42:28.000 Space is fake, yeah.

01:42:30.000 Crazy.

01:42:30.000 Well, I mean, I think there are hundreds of thousands of people that think that the Earth is flat.

01:42:35.000 Hundreds of thousands.

01:42:36.000 Educated, Western, American human beings that think the Earth is flat.

01:42:41.000 That is wild. 1.00

01:42:42.000 It is fucking crazy. 0.99

01:42:44.000 It's interesting. 0.99

01:42:45.000 It's a lot of people that just get educated from YouTube.

01:42:47.000 The Guardian actually had an article about it.

01:42:49.000 I sent it to Eddie and Eddie laughed at me.

01:42:51.000 See, I think Eddie's kind of rational in a lot of ways.

01:42:55.000 Because I've had conspiracy talks with him.

01:42:57.000 About what?

01:42:57.000 About, well, yeah, no, the one that we had was insane a little.

01:43:01.000 Oh, he's got some insane ones.

01:43:02.000 The government was attacking Malibu.

01:43:05.000 Him and Tripoli and Sam were talking about they were using direct energy weapons and I was like, I don't know if this is...

01:43:10.000 Attacking Malibu with what?

01:43:11.000 I was like, why would they attack Malibu with the fires?

01:43:14.000 But I'm like, why would they attack Malibu?

01:43:15.000 It's the rich people. 1.00

01:43:16.000 The fire started near my fucking house. 1.00

01:43:18.000 They didn't even start in Malibu. 1.00

01:43:19.000 They flew through the air.

01:43:21.000 You know, I was one of the first evacuated.

01:43:23.000 Right. 1.00

01:43:23.000 These fucking theories are so stupid. 1.00

01:43:25.000 It's dry as shit. 1.00

01:43:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:27.000 A fire hits and the winds are going crazy. 1.00

01:43:30.000 Oh, did they make the wind?

01:43:31.000 They made the wind.

01:43:32.000 They've always made the wind.

01:43:34.000 The wind has always been the CIA. They've always made the wind.

01:43:38.000 Yeah, it's fucking... 1.00

01:43:39.000 It's just... 1.00

01:43:40.000 And there's no rest.

01:43:41.000 There's no peace.

01:43:42.000 I know.

01:43:42.000 There's no living in the moment.

01:43:43.000 It's like a constant distraction.

01:43:45.000 At a certain point, you go, I just don't even want to know.

01:43:48.000 Because there's horrible things going on.

01:43:49.000 There's horrible things going on.

01:43:50.000 Okay. 1.00

01:43:51.000 What do you think is the worst shit going on right now? 1.00

01:43:53.000 Human trafficking is very bad. 1.00

01:43:54.000 Yes.

01:43:54.000 Horrible.

01:43:55.000 Horrible.

01:43:55.000 Multi-billion dollar industry.

01:43:57.000 That's not Subway sandwich artists are paying for that. 0.99

01:44:00.000 Right.

01:44:01.000 Rich people, some of them are involved in some very bad things.

01:44:04.000 Yes.

01:44:05.000 And their tracks are covering their own tracks.

01:44:08.000 Yeah, like that Jeffrey Epstein.

01:44:10.000 Yeah, all of that stuff, dude.

01:44:11.000 Clinton visited him.

01:44:13.000 He's got an island somewhere.

01:44:15.000 Anyone with an island.

01:44:16.000 Yeah.

01:44:17.000 And hanging out with Bill Clinton.

01:44:19.000 Yeah.

01:44:20.000 If you have an island and you're hanging out with Bill Clinton, there's a problem.

01:44:24.000 Where's the montage?

01:44:25.000 Yeah.

01:44:26.000 I mean, it's a crazy...

01:44:29.000 All of that stuff is very disturbing.

01:44:31.000 He got a sweetheart deal because he wouldn't inform on anyone that was on his plane.

01:44:34.000 And now the Justice Department's looking at that again.

01:44:37.000 It'll probably be fine.

01:44:38.000 They'll probably just let him, you know.

01:44:40.000 Well, the guy like that, like...

01:44:43.000 How much does he know?

01:44:44.000 He knows everything.

01:44:46.000 Because he's not going to say anything.

01:44:50.000 He's not going to talk.

01:44:51.000 I wouldn't trust him.

01:44:53.000 If I was on that plane...

01:44:56.000 I think that's the other thing about...

01:44:57.000 See, the aversion to conspiracies is you go like...

01:44:59.000 Nobody would, people would talk.

01:45:02.000 The reality is people wouldn't talk.

01:45:03.000 If you were from a prominent family, if it had been like a religion to stay silent, if you had had CIA training, if you would, these people don't talk and we know that there have been plots that have gone unknown for a very long time, including the coup in Iran.

01:45:17.000 Sure.

01:45:18.000 So a guy like Jeffrey Epstein is so involved, so deep, he knows he'll get killed, he won't say anything.

01:45:24.000 Yeah.

01:45:24.000 He's not going to say anything.

01:45:26.000 Plus, he doesn't want to go to jail.

01:45:27.000 He doesn't want to go to jail, and he doesn't want to say anything.

01:45:29.000 He doesn't want to admit all the things that he did.

01:45:30.000 Yeah.

01:45:31.000 The child thing is the creepiest of all.

01:45:34.000 It's gross, and unfortunately, it's a real thing.

01:45:38.000 Yeah.

01:45:39.000 So, you know, people, you could talk about... 0.94

01:45:41.000 There's the conspiratorial angles, the bullshit, but then there's the real fact. 0.98

01:45:45.000 Well, there's Sandusky. 1.00

01:45:47.000 Sandusky.

01:45:47.000 Catholic Church.

01:45:48.000 100%.

01:45:49.000 That's the other problem.

01:45:50.000 The people that are in love with conspiracies never care about private prisons or the Catholic Church.

01:45:54.000 And I'm like, guys, this is not even debatable.

01:45:56.000 We're not even debating.

01:45:57.000 Private prisons are ruined.

01:45:59.000 Kids are being sold into...

01:46:00.000 Slavery! 1.00

01:46:01.000 How about that judge in Pennsylvania that was taking underage kids and just giving them sentences, ridiculous sentences for shit, in exchange for money. 1.00

01:46:11.000 That's not right. 1.00

01:46:12.000 And now he's in jail.

01:46:13.000 Yeah, there's some darkness in the world.

01:46:16.000 It's undeniable.

01:46:17.000 And when something like Sandusky, when that Penn State thing comes out, and you're like, wait a minute, how long was this going on for?

01:46:23.000 And how many people knew?

01:46:25.000 Everyone knew?

01:46:26.000 How does everyone know?

01:46:27.000 Wow.

01:46:27.000 Yeah.

01:46:28.000 It's crazy.

01:46:28.000 And then Paterno just, he died quick.

01:46:30.000 But this is what I mean.

01:46:31.000 Of course.

01:46:33.000 I mean, he must have been destroyed.

01:46:35.000 But this is what I mean about people where it's like YouTube's going to censor conspiracy theory type stuff.

01:46:40.000 I'm like, all of those things would have been called conspiracy theories at one point.

01:46:43.000 Yes.

01:46:44.000 Catholic Church, Sandusky, Abu Ghraib.

01:46:46.000 They said it was a few bad apples.

01:46:48.000 It was a labyrinth of torture prisons.

01:46:50.000 It was a program designed by the Pentagon, the CIA. It's crazy.

01:46:52.000 What is the YouTube going to do?

01:46:55.000 They're going to censor conspiracy?

01:46:57.000 I think they're going to stop recommending conspiracy videos, from what I've heard.

01:47:01.000 But I was reading that thing that you were telling me about, Jamie. 0.96

01:47:03.000 This whole, like, porn, or child porn, or pedophile network. 0.99

01:47:10.000 You're setting up a pedophile YouTube? 0.99

01:47:12.000 What's going on with that?

01:47:12.000 A communication network.

01:47:14.000 They were communicating with each other in YouTube comments.

01:47:16.000 They responded yesterday and they said that they disabled comments on tens of millions of videos and deleted a lot of accounts.

01:47:28.000 They were communicating in the comments section of little kids cheerleading and whatnot.

01:47:34.000 Now, were they communicating to try to share child porn, or were they communicating to molest kids?

01:47:41.000 I don't know in the way pedophiles communicate in their network, but...

01:47:46.000 Quite frankly, I'd like you to do a little bit more work.

01:47:49.000 Pull up an article.

01:47:49.000 Do some due diligence on the pedophile.

01:47:52.000 I want you to go under the dark web.

01:47:54.000 You need a burner computer for that. 0.95

01:47:56.000 Download Tor, and let's get moving, because we've got to figure shit out.

01:48:00.000 Yeah, you've got to get a VPN. Well, that's like the FBI will take over ChildPoint's hat on Tor and then run it for a year, like on the dark web.

01:48:06.000 What is that?

01:48:08.000 What's going on?

01:48:09.000 Imagine what they see, too. 1.00

01:48:11.000 You can't unsee that shit. 1.00

01:48:12.000 That's a problem. 1.00

01:48:13.000 It is a problem.

01:48:14.000 It's not good.

01:48:15.000 You're causing...

01:48:16.000 That happened in that R. Kelly case.

01:48:18.000 There's a video of him doing something with an underage girl, and I think some people at CNN say, we've seen it, and that's led to him going, and it's like, well, what did you watch?

01:48:27.000 Is that legal?

01:48:28.000 It probably is legal because you're watching other guys of...

01:48:31.000 Of journalism.

01:48:32.000 Yeah.

01:48:35.000 Rough. 1.00

01:48:36.000 Yeah, that kind of shit is real. 0.99

01:48:39.000 And the fact that there's these networks of people that are trying to, you know, cultivate these experiences. 1.00

01:48:48.000 It's crazy, man, but if you're a rich person and you have that sick predilection, you're going to find a way to, you know...

01:48:56.000 Okay, they posted remarks that praised the girls, asked whether they were wearing underwear or simply carried a string of sexually suggestive emojis.

01:49:03.000 About two years ago, hundreds of companies pulled money from YouTube over concerns about ads showing up next to problematic content from terror or hate groups and videos that seemed to endanger or exploit children.

01:49:14.000 I think, you know, we've talked about this before with YouTube with the issues that we've had with them.

01:49:19.000 They have way too much content and way too few people.

01:49:24.000 There's no way they can watch all of it. 0.97

01:49:26.000 And when shit like this or people are doing things in the comments, it's almost impossible to check. 0.97

01:49:31.000 I mean, it's just... 0.98

01:49:32.000 The YouTube comments are one of the rare, free-range, sort of, like, unchecked message boards in the world.

01:49:41.000 I'm sure I'll find out later.

01:49:43.000 Don't read it.

01:49:44.000 Don't read it, bro. 1.00

01:49:45.000 Who's this fat fuck? 1.00

01:49:46.000 He's not even a black belt. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Why is he here?

01:49:50.000 Who is that?

01:49:51.000 Don't read it.

01:49:52.000 Yeah.

01:49:53.000 I wonder if there's ever going to be a time where that is impossible.

01:49:58.000 Where like these...

01:49:59.000 Child pedophile rings. 0.96

01:50:01.000 They can figure out a way to snuff all that out.

01:50:04.000 It's harder now than ever before, I imagine.

01:50:06.000 It's very tough, and it's tough, I think, because so few people want to believe that it's a problem in the way that it is.

01:50:15.000 Because there's good people in the world that don't think these things are issues.

01:50:18.000 So I think the political will isn't there because people aren't...

01:50:23.000 Really, they don't understand that it's, you know?

01:50:25.000 And then the people that are doing these things are very wealthy, powerful people, and they have a lot of control, and they can kind of cover their tracks.

01:50:32.000 They're all wealthy?

01:50:33.000 Not all. 0.98

01:50:34.000 If you're a poor pedophile, you're not going to a ring. 0.98

01:50:36.000 What are you doing? 0.99

01:50:37.000 You're snatching some kid.

01:50:39.000 I know, it's bad. 0.99

01:50:40.000 But if you're a rich pedophile, it's a nicer experience. 0.97

01:50:43.000 It's like you go on vacation versus me going on vacation. 0.99

01:50:46.000 You go on vacation.

01:50:46.000 It's a nice experience.

01:50:47.000 I go on vacation.

01:50:48.000 You know, it's fine.

01:50:50.000 Sandals in the Bahamas.

01:50:52.000 Not even.

01:50:52.000 No?

01:50:53.000 Sandals.

01:50:54.000 Where are you going?

01:50:54.000 A cabin or something.

01:50:56.000 In the forest.

01:50:58.000 Sandals.

01:50:58.000 What's crazy about all this...

01:51:01.000 When you're talking about child molesters and stuff like that, which crazy is the Catholic Church is still around and still they're catching people left and right when it's known for it. 0.89

01:51:12.000 There's no more known... 0.77

01:51:15.000 Nothing is more synonymous with child molesting than the Catholic Church. 0.58

01:51:19.000 That is the number one thing. 0.89

01:51:20.000 And you were raised Catholic.

01:51:21.000 I was raised Catholic.

01:51:22.000 I was never molested.

01:51:23.000 I was raised Catholic.

01:51:24.000 You got lucky, huh?

01:51:25.000 I was lucky, but I was fake.

01:51:27.000 I'm lapsed Catholic.

01:51:28.000 We're all fake. 0.99

01:51:28.000 This Catholic is fake. 0.99

01:51:31.000 It's stuffed shells. 0.99

01:51:32.000 It's a nice dinner.

01:51:34.000 It's five fishes once a year.

01:51:36.000 No one cares.

01:51:38.000 No one in a Catholic church cares. 1.00

01:51:40.000 If you turn around to the guy next to you and go, is this bullshit? 1.00

01:51:43.000 They'll go, shut up, maybe. 1.00

01:51:43.000 I used to have a bit about it. 1.00

01:51:44.000 I don't understand suicide bombers because I was raised Catholic.

01:51:47.000 Right.

01:51:48.000 And no one is in the Catholic Church believes in it that much.

01:51:52.000 No, we like nice buildings. 0.99

01:51:53.000 Catholic suicide bombers will be like, you go first. 1.00

01:51:55.000 Yeah, you go first. 1.00

01:51:56.000 I'll be over here.

01:51:57.000 Go ahead.

01:51:57.000 We'll do it together.

01:51:58.000 Ready, set, go.

01:51:59.000 Why are you still here?

01:52:00.000 Yeah.

01:52:00.000 It's nice architecture.

01:52:02.000 It's beautiful architecture.

01:52:03.000 It's great.

01:52:03.000 It's nice.

01:52:04.000 Ceremonies are fun.

01:52:06.000 I don't know what's going on in them.

01:52:07.000 There's incense going around.

01:52:09.000 This is the mystery of faith.

01:52:11.000 Oh, good.

01:52:12.000 I was talking with Burr about this recently, about church has some good qualities, and one of the things it has is it makes you feel like, you know, it's like a community thing.

01:52:20.000 You sit down and you get a chance to assess yourself and your life and sort of reaffirm your moral guidance and your moral compass, and there's some good There's some positive things to a good church.

01:52:32.000 And that's how those rock and roll, culty, super Hollywood churches get started.

01:52:36.000 Because people say, I want a church, I just don't want a traditional church.

01:52:40.000 I want something spiritual and fun and fulfilling.

01:52:42.000 It's not like the church when I grew up.

01:52:44.000 I said to my dad, why do we go here every Sunday? 0.98

01:52:45.000 And he went, shut up. 0.97

01:52:47.000 That was the answer. 0.99

01:52:48.000 Yeah.

01:52:48.000 Because it was like, we just go.

01:52:49.000 You go.

01:52:50.000 This is what we do.

01:52:51.000 You don't want your mom to get mad.

01:52:52.000 But people in Hollywood and people that, you know, want the hip work, they want to be drawn to it.

01:52:56.000 They want it to speak to them.

01:52:57.000 Yeah, they play rock and roll music.

01:52:59.000 Yeah, it's cool.

01:53:00.000 Yeah.

01:53:00.000 Religion's cool.

01:53:01.000 My soul is, you know.

01:53:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:03.000 And it's, you know, it's just a lot of horse shit. 1.00

01:53:05.000 It is a lot of horse shit. 1.00

01:53:06.000 But it's fine. 1.00

01:53:06.000 It makes them feel good. 1.00

01:53:07.000 Yeah, my buddy's assistant, I had a buddy of mine whose assistant was going to one of those churches.

01:53:12.000 She was a nymphomaniac.

01:53:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:14.000 And she was trying to stop fucking everybody. 1.00

01:53:15.000 So she started going. 0.99

01:53:17.000 Thank you.

01:53:18.000 She's trying to go to this church.

01:53:20.000 What church is that? 0.99

01:53:21.000 The stop fucking everyone church? 1.00

01:53:22.000 She'll just start fucking them. 1.00

01:53:24.000 Get spiritual. 1.00

01:53:25.000 She's like, I'm going to be celibate.

01:53:26.000 I'm like, eh, whatever.

01:53:27.000 She was one of those gals. 1.00

01:53:28.000 She'd just have a couple of pops and then off to the races. 0.77

01:53:31.000 Listen, you live once.

01:53:32.000 Yeah.

01:53:33.000 You live once.

01:53:33.000 She was attractive.

01:53:35.000 She was having a good time.

01:53:36.000 Yeah.

01:53:36.000 I don't see the problem.

01:53:37.000 What church did she go to?

01:53:38.000 I don't know.

01:53:39.000 This was decades ago.

01:53:41.000 But it was one of them crazy rock and roll type churches.

01:53:43.000 Oh, that's so funny.

01:53:44.000 You know, I think it's interesting people that join the Catholic religion now. 0.99

01:53:48.000 Oh, that's ridiculous. 0.91

01:53:49.000 Who's joining it now? 0.94

01:53:50.000 Yeah.

01:53:51.000 Who's going in and going, you know what?

01:53:53.000 I enjoy it.

01:53:54.000 I don't know who did it.

01:53:54.000 You know, Glenn Beck joined the Mormons as a grown man.

01:53:57.000 Well, that makes sense.

01:53:59.000 In his 40s.

01:53:59.000 That makes sense.

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:01.000 He's a little off.

01:54:02.000 Maybe he wanted nine wives. 0.99

01:54:03.000 Yeah, it's probably wives. 1.00

01:54:04.000 Of course, it's a huge benefit.

01:54:06.000 Do you know the whole Mitt Romney story?

01:54:08.000 No.

01:54:09.000 You don't know?

01:54:10.000 I don't know.

01:54:10.000 I'm so happy to tell you.

01:54:11.000 My cousin married a Mormon who they excommunicated from the church when he was like 17. Mitt Romney's family all moved to Mexico.

01:54:19.000 That's why Mitt Romney's dad could never be president, because Mitt Romney's dad was born in Mexico, because when they passed the law making polygamy illegal in the United States, they all packed up their shit and went to Mexico. 0.99

01:54:31.000 Really? 0.99

01:54:32.000 Yes, because in the 1800s, it didn't fucking matter if you were in Mexico or the United States. 0.92

01:54:36.000 It was all the same. 0.97

01:54:37.000 You're riding a horse everywhere. 1.00

01:54:38.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:54:39.000 They're like, I could have nine wives over here. 1.00

01:54:41.000 So they have these compounds.

01:54:42.000 Vice did a whole series.

01:54:43.000 Wow.

01:54:44.000 They have compounds down there with armed guards. 1.00

01:54:46.000 Yeah, because the cartel was fucking kidnapping them and shit. 0.99

01:54:49.000 Interesting. 1.00

01:54:50.000 So Mitt Romney's dad was like, you can't take nine fucking wives. 1.00

01:54:53.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:54:53.000 They still have a fucking, they still have a compound down there. 1.00

01:54:57.000 In the Smithsonian Magazine. 1.00

01:54:59.000 What is that?

01:55:00.000 The Smithsonian.com?

01:55:01.000 Oh, it has a story on it?

01:55:02.000 Yeah, the whole Romney.

01:55:03.000 The Romney's Mexican history.

01:55:05.000 Yeah, the whole family comes from Mexico.

01:55:08.000 That's amazing.

01:55:09.000 Amazing.

01:55:10.000 That's amazing.

01:55:10.000 It's amazing.

01:55:11.000 How diverse.

01:55:12.000 I know.

01:55:13.000 They went down there because they couldn't do what they wanted to do in the United States.

01:55:17.000 There's no polygamy in the U.S. anymore, anywhere.

01:55:19.000 No, it's illegal.

01:55:20.000 Interesting.

01:55:21.000 Which is hilarious.

01:55:22.000 Yeah, let it happen.

01:55:22.000 Who cares?

01:55:23.000 Here's the thing. 0.99

01:55:24.000 You could have like nine girlfriends and all live together and no one could say shit, but as soon as you write it down, they'll lock you up and put you in jail. 0.99

01:55:31.000 There was a show called like Sister Wives or something. 0.98

01:55:33.000 It was about people that I think they were living in the States and they had like multiple wives.

01:55:37.000 Was it?

01:55:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:39.000 That's probably bullshit. 1.00

01:55:40.000 Okay. 0.99

01:55:40.000 Yeah, I don't think polygamy. 0.99

01:55:41.000 Google it. 0.99

01:55:42.000 Maybe it's like legal in like Nebraska or some shit. 0.99

01:55:45.000 Sorry, Nebraska. 0.98

01:55:46.000 I like that Nebraska would be just a place to go, you know what, live and let live.

01:55:50.000 Yeah, live and let live. 1.00

01:55:51.000 Nebraska's like, we're having a hard time keeping people here, so you can just fuck anything you want. 1.00

01:55:55.000 Fuck anyone you want. 1.00

01:55:56.000 Marry your dog. 1.00

01:55:56.000 Marry everything. 1.00

01:55:57.000 Is polygamy nationwide, federally illegal?

01:56:01.000 Yes, it is illegal, but I know what you're talking about where there are TV shows where people are still doing it, so...

01:56:06.000 Also, have you successfully infiltrated a pedophile YouTube group yet? 0.75

01:56:10.000 Lazy. 0.76

01:56:11.000 Waiting for the tweet.

01:56:11.000 So lazy.

01:56:14.000 But it is crazy that his family was like, well, fuck it, we'll just move to Mexico. 1.00

01:56:18.000 Of course, you made a great point. 1.00

01:56:19.000 It's the same thing.

01:56:20.000 You're on a horse.

01:56:20.000 Back then.

01:56:21.000 He has to Rio Grande.

01:56:22.000 Yeah, because I think when they made it illegal in the 1800s, look at this, as a polygamous community crumbles, sister wives are forced from homes. 1.00

01:56:30.000 This is the caliber of wife? 1.00

01:56:31.000 This is interesting.

01:56:32.000 That's all you get, bro, if you want nine of them.

01:56:34.000 You don't get nine good ones.

01:56:35.000 You either get one ten or nine ones. 0.99

01:56:37.000 This is a lot of, you know, this is, you don't think of nine shitty wives. 1.00

01:56:42.000 No. 1.00

01:56:42.000 You don't think of nine horrible wives. 1.00

01:56:44.000 No.

01:56:44.000 But the thing is, you could have those wives, you just can't have them legally.

01:56:47.000 Like, they can't be legally your wife. 0.99

01:56:49.000 But you could do, like, a whole, like, roots and jump over the broom.

01:56:53.000 You know, you could find some sort of...

01:56:55.000 Do whatever you want.

01:56:55.000 Yeah, you could make your own ceremony.

01:56:57.000 Of course.

01:56:58.000 You just can't register in the courthouse.

01:56:59.000 Yeah.

01:57:00.000 Which is hilarious to me.

01:57:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:57:02.000 Like, who the fuck are you to tell someone that can't... 1.00

01:57:03.000 How about a woman that has five husbands? 1.00

01:57:06.000 Can we do that?

01:57:06.000 Yeah.

01:57:07.000 Yeah.

01:57:07.000 You go, girl.

01:57:08.000 Yeah.

01:57:08.000 Power!

01:57:09.000 Power for girls. 0.98

01:57:09.000 And I'm for it. 0.98

01:57:10.000 I'm for polygamy. 0.98

01:57:11.000 Me too.

01:57:11.000 I want to come out for it on this show.

01:57:13.000 Five cucks and one woman. 1.00

01:57:14.000 Yeah, who cares? 1.00

01:57:15.000 They all sit around stroking their half-hard dicks, waiting their turn, crying. 1.00

01:57:19.000 Perfect. 1.00

01:57:20.000 That is a perfect representation of 2019 America.

01:57:23.000 Who would vote that out?

01:57:25.000 Who would say no to that? 1.00

01:57:25.000 Sick people. 1.00

01:57:26.000 Someone who's a communist. 1.00

01:57:27.000 We need more people getting the YouTube pedophile cults out. 0.87

01:57:30.000 Yes. 0.94

01:57:31.000 And putting the polygamists in. 1.00

01:57:32.000 Yeah.

01:57:32.000 We need priorities.

01:57:33.000 I feel like if you want to marry a guy with 18 of your friends, who gives a shit? 1.00

01:57:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:57:40.000 I guess the problem is the divorce. 1.00

01:57:43.000 Yeah.

01:57:43.000 Isn't that the issue?

01:57:44.000 Well, there's no money for you.

01:57:45.000 Sorry.

01:57:46.000 Right.

01:57:46.000 You're splitting it up 18 ways.

01:57:47.000 You're not going to get a lot.

01:57:48.000 Right.

01:57:49.000 Anyone with 18 of anything, unless you're like a sultan, you probably don't have a ton anyway.

01:57:53.000 Unless you're Jeff Bezos.

01:57:54.000 Yeah.

01:57:55.000 Jeff Bezos.

01:57:55.000 Well, that was a, you know.

01:57:56.000 He could marry a hundred chicks and give them all a billion. 0.86

01:57:59.000 Ka-chow! 1.00

01:58:00.000 Yeah.

01:58:00.000 And still have 50 left over.

01:58:01.000 What?

01:58:02.000 Yeah, he's doing good.

01:58:03.000 He's doing good.

01:58:04.000 But that whole thing with him, that was an interesting thing.

01:58:08.000 The pictures being leaked, and it turns out it's the brother that leaked the pictures.

01:58:12.000 I love the brother immediately as soon as I read the article.

01:58:15.000 Because I'm like, this is a guy.

01:58:16.000 Trump supporter.

01:58:17.000 Not only is he a Trump supporter, this is a guy who's tried to leverage himself forever.

01:58:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:58:21.000 And he found out his sister was fucking Jeff Bezos. 0.99

01:58:23.000 Can you imagine the night he found that out? 0.99

01:58:24.000 The night he found that out, where was he?

01:58:27.000 What was he doing?

01:58:28.000 He was somewhere thinking, this is it.

01:58:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:58:32.000 She's fucked a lot of people that are good. 0.99

01:58:35.000 Now she's fucking Bezos. 1.00

01:58:36.000 Now it's time to cash in. 1.00

01:58:37.000 Now it's time to think of something good.

01:58:39.000 How do we do it?

01:58:40.000 This is a plotting guy.

01:58:41.000 Yeah.

01:58:42.000 I wonder what the Enquirer gave him.

01:58:44.000 How much money do you get for something like that?

01:58:46.000 Half a mil. 1.00

01:58:47.000 Bezos dick? 1.00

01:58:48.000 More? 1.00

01:58:49.000 I want a solid mil.

01:58:50.000 Solid mil?

01:58:51.000 You think they have that kind of- Yeah, risking your life. 0.99

01:58:52.000 He's going to kill you. 0.73

01:58:53.000 You think he will? 1.00

01:58:55.000 If he doesn't, I'll be disappointed.

01:58:56.000 That's a good point.

01:58:57.000 Make it look like an accident. 0.99

01:58:58.000 If you're fucking, you know, he's like Daddy Warbucks. 0.99

01:59:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:05.000 He's the guy.

01:59:06.000 He's got $150 billion.

01:59:09.000 He's automated everything.

01:59:10.000 And Amazon's notoriously ruthless.

01:59:12.000 He has a look like he's an alien.

01:59:13.000 He looks like he's artificial intelligence.

01:59:14.000 He's AI. Yeah.

01:59:16.000 He has that look already.

01:59:17.000 He's super smart, and he's going to play it real slow.

01:59:19.000 Yeah, he'll enslave the world, and you know what?

01:59:21.000 Let him. 0.98

01:59:21.000 He's probably gonna hire somebody to fuck up that guy's life slowly. 0.98

01:59:24.000 I'm sure he already has. 0.95

01:59:26.000 Yeah.

01:59:26.000 Real slow.

01:59:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:27.000 This is your new job.

01:59:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:29.000 Your new job is to slowly make that guy's life shit. 0.99

01:59:31.000 Audits, everything. 1.00

01:59:33.000 Everything.

01:59:33.000 Flat tires every day.

01:59:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:59:36.000 Yeah.

01:59:36.000 Ah!

01:59:39.000 I love the henchman that's going out and nailing flat tires.

01:59:43.000 Yeah, set up.

01:59:43.000 He's going to check for cameras.

01:59:45.000 That's amazing.

01:59:46.000 Yeah, the Bezos is...

01:59:48.000 Those are the new type...

01:59:49.000 Because I study a lot about Rockefeller, Carnegie, guys like that.

01:59:52.000 And those guys, nobody's amassed the fortunes those guys had.

01:59:56.000 Rockefeller had like $336 billion in today's dollars.

01:59:59.000 Good lord.

02:00:00.000 Yeah, Carnegie had $372 billion.

02:00:02.000 I mean, these were the first...

02:00:03.000 How much did they have in their time?

02:00:05.000 Good question.

02:00:06.000 Was it billions in their time?

02:00:07.000 I don't know.

02:00:08.000 It was millions.

02:00:09.000 Well, I don't think it was billions, but in our time, it's over 300 million, both of them.

02:00:13.000 These were the first generation of...

02:00:15.000 You mean B. B, B, B. This was the first generation of entrepreneurs.

02:00:21.000 The country was new.

02:00:23.000 All of these industries were just emerging, and these guys took it over.

02:00:27.000 Bezos, tech is, and somebody said this on my podcast recently, tech is the closest thing we have now to that.

02:00:32.000 Where you have these, you know, masters of the universe that are going to be, I mean, those guys, JP Morgan was like bailing the government out.

02:00:40.000 These guys had an insane amount of power.

02:00:43.000 They were more powerful than political figures.

02:00:45.000 I was just, when I told you I was doing this Chariots of the Gods lunch today with a bunch of very influential people, and one of them said, it's really ironic that Apple used to be Think Different.

02:00:56.000 That was the whole thing about Silicon Valley.

02:01:00.000 Think different.

02:01:00.000 Now it's don't think different.

02:01:02.000 Right.

02:01:03.000 Now it's streamline everybody into one acceptable thing.

02:01:06.000 Yeah, now it's literally you have to think the way everyone else is thinking. 0.93

02:01:11.000 You have to believe what everyone else believes, even if it's ridiculous.

02:01:15.000 I think a lot of that is they want to just make money and sell things and they don't want any discord.

02:01:19.000 They just want to sell, make money.

02:01:21.000 Sort of, but it seems like...

02:01:22.000 None of this is...

02:01:23.000 I don't think...

02:01:24.000 Because they don't ban people after they do the things.

02:01:26.000 They ban them after there's a public outcry.

02:01:28.000 So to me, they're not...

02:01:29.000 They don't have any real values.

02:01:31.000 Their values are tangible.

02:01:32.000 And the values are influenced by public opinion and where media is.

02:01:37.000 The values aren't like when somebody says something, let's ban them right now, this goes against our thing.

02:01:42.000 A lot of it is if you wait until there's enough dust kicked up, then they will ban somebody.

02:01:47.000 Right, that's true.

02:01:48.000 So to me, I get in arguments with friends when they're like, they're ideological.

02:01:52.000 I'm like, they have an ideological bent, certainly.

02:01:55.000 But they're profit-seeking enterprises that just want everyone to be happy.

02:01:59.000 I think if it was up to Twitter, every tweet would be some type of branded ad.

02:02:02.000 And on top of that, now the ideology is skewing and leaning in that direction in terms of tech.

02:02:10.000 Sure.

02:02:10.000 So there's money in that.

02:02:11.000 There's money in holding that line.

02:02:13.000 And those guys are the ones that are...

02:02:15.000 As powerful as Rockefeller and Carnegie and JP, all of those guys, they are the next generation of people who their amount of power is unmatched anywhere in society.

02:02:27.000 They're branching out more and more.

02:02:30.000 Amazon is now going to have an electric car.

02:02:33.000 They're investing in that new...

02:02:35.000 What's it called?

02:02:37.000 Rivian? 0.67

02:02:37.000 Some new electric car company that's... 0.67

02:02:40.000 That Bezos is investing in.

02:02:42.000 They're investing in space travel.

02:02:44.000 They're investing in all these different...

02:02:45.000 I mean, he's not going to get poorer.

02:02:47.000 He's going to get more and more rich.

02:02:49.000 No, he's going to take over everything. 1.00

02:02:51.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:02:52.000 You can't opt out of these systems. 1.00

02:02:55.000 You have to be involved to live a normal life.

02:02:58.000 You have to be online.

02:03:00.000 Did you see that article that someone wrote about that?

02:03:02.000 No.

02:03:02.000 Someone tried to go online and live their life without Google, Amazon, a few other things, and Apple, and they said they couldn't do it.

02:03:11.000 No, Ari Shafir is the only one who can do it with a flip phone.

02:03:13.000 He's barely doing it. 0.99

02:03:14.000 He's on his iPad using his fucking iMessages. 1.00

02:03:17.000 He iMessages me all the time. 1.00

02:03:21.000 All the time. 0.99

02:03:22.000 Pretend he's fucking no smartphone. 0.99

02:03:23.000 I'm impressed that he still has a flip phone. 1.00

02:03:26.000 Well, he knows that he's an addict.

02:03:30.000 Yeah.

02:03:30.000 He knows.

02:03:31.000 And he's an honest man.

02:03:33.000 Right. 1.00

02:03:33.000 And he's like, fuck this. 1.00

02:03:35.000 This is just too much of my life. 1.00

02:03:36.000 He's right.

02:03:37.000 He'd be checking social media constantly. 0.99

02:03:39.000 And also, if you're controversial like he is, a lot of people are talking shit to him and that would hurt his feelings and saying mean things to him. 0.98

02:03:45.000 Social media has gotten to the point where I'm on it all day and I'm like, I'm not having any fun. 0.97

02:03:50.000 No.

02:03:50.000 It's really gotten to the point where, what is this experience?

02:03:53.000 Facebook is a nightmare.

02:03:55.000 It's elderly people screaming at each other.

02:03:57.000 This was a website where kids were trying to get laid in college.

02:04:01.000 This is elderly people screaming and complaining they can't afford knee operations. 1.00

02:04:04.000 And I'm just going like this all day.

02:04:07.000 Yeah, it's not, you don't get a lot of bang for your buck.

02:04:11.000 I've dropped off radically over the last six months.

02:04:14.000 The last six months I've made a giant shift away from reading things and posting things.

02:04:21.000 And just I'll look at it for a couple seconds and then I'll put it down.

02:04:24.000 Are you happy?

02:04:25.000 Yeah, I'm more engaged. 0.96

02:04:28.000 I'm too fucking busy.

02:04:29.000 And so when I'm trying to figure out ways to better optimize my time, that was one of the first ones. 0.94

02:04:33.000 Stop reading comments.

02:04:34.000 Stop reading posts.

02:04:36.000 Don't just mindlessly shift through Instagram pictures looking for something that strikes me as interesting.

02:04:42.000 I just stopped doing that.

02:04:44.000 And it made a big difference in my productivity.

02:04:46.000 Huge difference.

02:04:47.000 Yeah.

02:04:48.000 Because you know when iPhone, real recently, they started putting that thing on your phone where you see how much screen time you had?

02:04:53.000 Oh yeah, that's crazy.

02:04:54.000 You look at it, you're like, what?

02:04:55.000 Five hours?

02:04:56.000 Nine hours, 46 minutes.

02:04:58.000 That's five hours of nothing.

02:04:59.000 Yeah, what did I do?

02:05:00.000 I get a little out of it, right?

02:05:02.000 I'll find news stories that I can talk about, but it's like finding...

02:05:06.000 I found that finding the perfect blend seems to be letting the stories get so big that they get to you anyway.

02:05:13.000 Right.

02:05:14.000 No, not the fringe stories, like the Jussie Smollett.

02:05:17.000 It gets so big, you can't ignore it. 1.00

02:05:19.000 And then you hear, and I love the day when we all found out he was, social media was great the day that we all found out he was full of shit. 1.00

02:05:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:28.000 Because then everyone could make jokes.

02:05:29.000 Right.

02:05:29.000 But the three days before that, everyone was posturing.

02:05:31.000 Oh, so much. 0.99

02:05:33.000 But then when it came out that it was all bullshit, everyone was like, oh, let's just have fun. 0.97

02:05:38.000 And even though it's, you know, I'm not saying that people aren't getting attacked and things aren't bad, but this particular thing. 0.99

02:05:46.000 Right.

02:05:47.000 If you can't make a joke about this...

02:05:48.000 What can you make a joke about?

02:05:50.000 If you can't make a joke about... 1.00

02:05:51.000 If you think someone shouldn't joke about this, fuck you. 1.00

02:05:54.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:05:55.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:05:55.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:05:56.000 Absolutely.

02:05:56.000 Yeah.

02:05:57.000 Yeah, this is one of those things that's so... 0.99

02:05:58.000 I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. 0.99

02:06:00.000 It's insane. 1.00

02:06:01.000 Holding the subway with the fucking noose. 1.00

02:06:03.000 He just pled not guilty in court. 1.00

02:06:06.000 No, he didn't.

02:06:06.000 Yes, he did.

02:06:07.000 No.

02:06:07.000 Jamie, he pled not guilty on everything, right?

02:06:09.000 He denied all charges.

02:06:11.000 He denied all charges.

02:06:15.000 He's going to take his own life.

02:06:16.000 I believe they have the check he wrote to them.

02:06:18.000 He wrote a check!

02:06:19.000 $3,500!

02:06:20.000 He wrote a check!

02:06:21.000 $3,500!

02:06:22.000 He didn't even give him cash!

02:06:23.000 He wrote a check!

02:06:25.000 Now, here's the other thing.

02:06:26.000 I could get punched in five minutes for free. 0.68

02:06:29.000 I could get beat up so easily.

02:06:31.000 Why is this guy spending $3,500?

02:06:33.000 Well, not only that, why did he write a check?

02:06:35.000 Do you have no friends?

02:06:37.000 He didn't think this through even a little bit.

02:06:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:41.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:06:42.000 It's disappointing. 0.99

02:06:43.000 It's kind of funny, though.

02:06:44.000 There's nothing funnier right now.

02:06:46.000 Well, I think this is what we need.

02:06:48.000 You know, we need to understand the outrage machine a little bit better.

02:06:51.000 Yeah.

02:06:51.000 And one of the best ways to see it is to see manufactured outrage.

02:06:54.000 Absolutely.

02:06:55.000 And then you go, oh, okay, this is a hustle.

02:06:57.000 Well, the Covington thing was great because people like wishing death on 15-year-old kids.

02:07:01.000 Exactly.

02:07:02.000 And it's like, the video comes out, exonerates them, and then people are like...

02:07:04.000 No!

02:07:05.000 Yeah, people are doubling down.

02:07:06.000 Yeah, people are like, you can't deny what my eyes saw. 0.99

02:07:09.000 I'm like, are you nuts?

02:07:10.000 And then I was afraid because I'm like tweeting things in support of the kids, but I'm like, what if the next video is just the kids in Klan outfits like this? 0.92

02:07:18.000 And just dancing around with torches like Charlottesville. 0.98

02:07:20.000 And I'm like, well, then now I look like an idiot. 1.00

02:07:22.000 Yeah, you can't go on a limb. 1.00

02:07:25.000 You're better off being an observer.

02:07:26.000 Yeah, you don't know what to do.

02:07:27.000 Just let other people get into the fray.

02:07:28.000 You just make a little joke, sit back.

02:07:31.000 Yeah, it's like a gang fight.

02:07:32.000 You're better off standing back and going, hmm, I don't want to jump in there.

02:07:36.000 Because every day, every hour, another vantage point of that thing was like, well, no, maybe they are guilty.

02:07:41.000 Yeah.

02:07:42.000 You know, I saw that thing.

02:07:43.000 It was like, a white kid. 0.51

02:07:44.000 I thought they encircled a Native American guy who was banging a drum. 1.00

02:07:48.000 And I'm like, fuck these kids. 1.00

02:07:49.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:07:49.000 That's not good. 1.00

02:07:50.000 Well, you see the first image.

02:07:51.000 And you know, the first image, which is even crazier, was put up by a troll account.

02:07:55.000 Right. 0.73

02:07:55.000 Russians? 0.73

02:07:56.000 Right. 1.00

02:07:56.000 I don't know who the fuck it was. 1.00

02:07:58.000 I don't think they know. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Are all the problems Russian bots?

02:08:00.000 I think they came out of Brazil.

02:08:01.000 I was just digging into that because I saw something about it yesterday.

02:08:04.000 A few shady social media posts fed a viral firestorm over Covington Catholic and why it will happen again.

02:08:10.000 Yeah.

02:08:12.000 They're doing this on purpose.

02:08:14.000 They took that screenshot to try to get people angry.

02:08:17.000 And it worked. 1.00

02:08:19.000 And then Twitter found out that it was a bullshit account. 0.99

02:08:21.000 They banned the account. 0.99

02:08:23.000 So it's very possible that account was some troll farm or something.

02:08:25.000 Oh no, it's a troll farm.

02:08:27.000 Wow.

02:08:27.000 Yeah.

02:08:28.000 That's what they think.

02:08:29.000 We're being manipulated now on a level that is like unbelievable.

02:08:32.000 Unbelievable.

02:08:33.000 Unbelievable.

02:08:34.000 And people are furious. 0.97

02:08:35.000 Dude, I hate to cut this short, but I gotta get the fuck out of here. 0.94

02:08:38.000 Let's do it. 0.96

02:08:38.000 Tell everybody how to get a hold of you. 0.96

02:08:41.000 Tim J. Dillon on Instagram and Twitter.

02:08:42.000 D-I-L-L-O-N. TimDillonComedy.com.

02:08:46.000 We're doing a gig, right?

02:08:47.000 We're doing a gig tomorrow.

02:08:48.000 That's right.

02:08:49.000 Tomorrow night you're gonna be the improv.

02:08:50.000 10-15 show.

02:08:51.000 If nobody attacks me on the way.

02:08:52.000 Ah!

02:08:53.000 We'll see.

02:08:54.000 He's going to show up with a noose in a subway sandwich.

02:08:55.000 I hope I do. 0.97

02:08:56.000 In blackface. 0.94

02:08:57.000 Thank you, Joe.

02:08:58.000 Thanks so much, buddy.

02:08:59.000 I appreciate it.

02:08:59.000 Tim Dillon, ladies and gentlemen.

02:09:01.000 I think it was a lot of fun, man.

02:09:02.000 That was fun.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 21, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1251 - Tim Dillon

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Summary

Transcript