The Joe Rogan Experience - May 14, 2019


Joe Rogan Experience #1296 - Joe List

Topics
underwear discipline silent reflux Mike Tyson Monsanto Roundup Weed Killer Pesticides Carnivore Diet guns cities' homeless relocation programs white male privilege dicks and shits missing flight Kratom float tank Louis CKK. material release school shootings jokes
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Joe List
Mentioned
Joe List Comedy, Instagram Jamie Vernon Louie Andrew Santino Saddam Hussein Louis C.K. Roundup Duncan Trussell Jake Gyllenhaal Alyssa Milano Jesus Christ Mike Tyson Joey Diaz John Fitch Bill No Money Downs Francis Ford Coppola Joe List Comedy Tommy Johnigan Lawrence Wright Bridget Phetasy and 76 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1295 - Tulsi Gabbard Joe Rogan Experience #1297 - Phil Demers

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 25 minutes

Words per minute

208.13

Word count

30,356

Sentence count

3,778

Harmful content

Misogyny

100

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,127

sentences flagged

Hate speech

57

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Joe List joins Jemele to discuss his new show at the Hollywood Improv, The Funny Fucking Thing, and why he thinks stand-up comedy is the best job in the world. Plus, he tells the story of how he almost got into the movie business in the early 90s, and what it's like to be in a corporate job. Plus, Jemele and Joe talk about how they met, how they first met, and how they ended up in comedy. And, of course, they talk about why they think standup comedy should be the next big thing in the entertainment industry, and why they don t think it s a good job at all. Thanks to Joe List for joining Jemele for the Funny Ft Thing and for the chance to work with Jemele on the show. Thanks also to Jonny for being a good friend of the show, and for letting Jemele use his name in the description of the song, "The Funny Fitty Thing." Thanks, Jonny! Thank you, J.J. List. I appreciate you, I really appreciate you. Love ya, bye. -Eugene, AJ&Jemele, -Alyssa, -J.B. & Chito, Jr. -Josie, Jr., & J.V. ( ) -A.M. (?) -AJ&J ( ) -S.E. (AJ & S. (S.J.) -D. (J.A. (M. & A. B. & B. (R. M. ) ) -JOSIE ( ) ( ) AND J. E. (LOT (A. M.) ( ) & AYAN (AYAN) ( )?? ( ) ? (AUGGS ( ) ) ( ) . AND YA'S ( ) BACK AND A BOOY (ABS AND A PODCAST (?) ) ) (A YA CHEY (?) (A BOTTER (A DANCE (A VYANDS (A POTTER AND A DADDY AND A LOT (?) ) AND A CHOOT AND A FAST AND A JOTHE (A LOT OF JEAN AND A COTTON AND A TOTALLY TAYLOR (A JOTHER AND A YANDS AND A QOTHE AND A VYOTHE) )

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:02.000 Joe List, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:03.000 Joe List!
00:00:05.000 Oh, I'm already in.
00:00:05.000 I'm already going.
00:00:06.000 I want to do it like one of the morning DJ guys.
00:00:08.000 I appreciate it. 0.99
00:00:09.000 Hey, Joe, I hear you're in town for the funny fuck. 0.99
00:00:11.000 I am. 1.00
00:00:12.000 I'm doing the funny fuck this weekend. 0.99
00:00:14.000 Tonight through Sunday. 0.99
00:00:16.000 Excellent.
00:00:16.000 Actually, you are working with me tonight.
00:00:18.000 Yeah.
00:00:18.000 We have two sold-out shows at the Hollywood Improv.
00:00:21.000 I appreciate it.
00:00:22.000 I'm excited to be there.
00:00:23.000 It's going to be fun.
00:00:23.000 It's going to be The Machine, Bert Kreischer.
00:00:25.000 Love Bert.
00:00:26.000 And Chito Santino.
00:00:27.000 Andrew Santino.
00:00:28.000 You know Andrew?
00:00:28.000 I know Andrew, but I don't know him personally.
00:00:32.000 You just know of him.
00:00:33.000 He's hilarious.
00:00:34.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:00:34.000 Should be a good old fucking time. 0.99
00:00:36.000 Yeah, I'm excited. 0.99
00:00:37.000 Thanks for having me.
00:00:38.000 My pleasure.
00:00:38.000 How long are you in town for?
00:00:39.000 I leave tomorrow morning.
00:00:41.000 I got here on Sunday.
00:00:42.000 I got here Saturday, actually.
00:00:44.000 But I stayed down in Manhattan Beach.
00:00:45.000 Oh, what are you doing?
00:00:46.000 You're posh, hanging out with the people by the beach?
00:00:48.000 It was night.
00:00:49.000 I was down at the airport.
00:00:50.000 My wife is here.
00:00:51.000 And I said, let's go down to Manhattan Beach for lunch.
00:00:53.000 And we were enjoying ourselves.
00:00:53.000 So we got a hotel and made love and walked on the beach.
00:00:56.000 Whoa, you made love.
00:00:57.000 Yeah.
00:00:58.000 You must really love her if you made love.
00:01:00.000 I do.
00:01:00.000 Ooh.
00:01:02.000 I went to a party once in Manhattan Beach and the guy collected toasters.
00:01:07.000 Oh.
00:01:07.000 And I was like, what is this?
00:01:09.000 And he was like, oh, I just collect toasters.
00:01:12.000 I'm like, okay.
00:01:13.000 From all different time periods.
00:01:15.000 He had an ancient toaster from the 50s with all this patina on it, and then he had modern toasters.
00:01:21.000 But I think he was trying too hard. 0.99
00:01:24.000 You know some dudes just wear bowling shoes and shit? 0.99
00:01:26.000 They just try too hard to be wacky. 1.00
00:01:28.000 Yeah, was he like a hipster or was he like an old sage? 1.00
00:01:31.000 He was a guy who was trying to fuck my girlfriend. 0.99
00:01:34.000 And she wanted to go to this party. 0.99
00:01:36.000 So I was like, alright.
00:01:37.000 Wow.
00:01:38.000 I think she was an actress and I think he was in the movie business.
00:01:41.000 Imagine getting cucked by a toaster collector.
00:01:44.000 Yeah, almost did.
00:01:45.000 Well, it was one of them squirrely deals where she was like, I'm so not interested in him.
00:01:51.000 I just want to go to this party for networking.
00:01:54.000 I was a young lad.
00:01:55.000 I had just moved to Hollywood. 0.99
00:01:56.000 I did not know the ways of this goofy fucking town yet. 0.99
00:02:00.000 I hadn't exercised myself from Hollywood. 0.99
00:02:05.000 I was still doing the thing, acting, going on auditions and shit. 0.95
00:02:09.000 So it was like...
00:02:11.000 When you first get here, you're like, what is this?
00:02:13.000 Especially in the 90s, it was super squirrely, because everybody was trying to get a development deal, and everybody was trying to get a sitcom, and they kind of let you think that that was the only way.
00:02:22.000 You have to get a sitcom.
00:02:23.000 You want to be like Roseanne?
00:02:24.000 Don't you want to be like Tim Allen?
00:02:26.000 What about Seinfeld?
00:02:27.000 He got a sitcom.
00:02:28.000 You should get a sitcom. 0.99
00:02:29.000 Damn, I want to get a sitcom. 0.99
00:02:31.000 And so everybody was out here just trying to do the acting thing. 0.99
00:02:33.000 I did it for a while, and after a while, you're like, these people are not worth it.
00:02:37.000 But you did get a sitcom, right?
00:02:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:02:40.000 I got a couple of them.
00:02:41.000 I was on a couple of them.
00:02:42.000 It seems like fun.
00:02:44.000 It's fun.
00:02:44.000 Stand-up's more fun.
00:02:45.000 Yeah, it's not something I'd be interested in doing, but... 0.99
00:02:48.000 If you could do a sitcom with all stand-ups, that would be the shit. 1.00
00:02:51.000 That would be the shit. 1.00
00:02:53.000 Like, if you could do a sitcom with really good writers who are cool, and all the people on the show were stand-ups, that would be fucking monstrous. 0.99
00:03:01.000 But it's not usually like that.
00:03:03.000 No.
00:03:03.000 And it seems very, what do you call it, corporate and you got to do this and this and a lot of rules and stuff.
00:03:10.000 It seems like podcasts are... 0.97
00:03:11.000 Well, they're trying to make money, you know, and they can't make money if people do things and get people in trouble or they say things and get people angry or someone calls up human resources and Joe List was talking about his dick. 0.98
00:03:23.000 Yeah. 0.87
00:03:24.000 The craft service lady heard it, and now there's a lawsuit. 1.00
00:03:27.000 I think with podcasts now, most of us comedians with podcasts have no chance of getting any corporate job.
00:03:33.000 I don't think that's true.
00:03:34.000 Really? 0.99
00:03:34.000 I get offered shit all the time. 0.99
00:03:36.000 I think that we don't need it, though. 0.99
00:03:38.000 Right.
00:03:38.000 I think it actually will get in the way.
00:03:40.000 Have you ever written on a sitcom?
00:03:42.000 No.
00:03:43.000 Written on anything?
00:03:43.000 No.
00:03:44.000 When you write, there's a trap.
00:03:46.000 That comics fall into, that are good writers.
00:03:49.000 They get this sitcom writing gig, and it's a sweet gig.
00:03:53.000 You get paid thousands of dollars a week.
00:03:55.000 Your bills are covered, so you feel good.
00:03:57.000 But you're never going on the road.
00:03:59.000 You're in town all the time.
00:04:00.000 You're just doing sets around town, so you're pretending that you're still a comic.
00:04:03.000 Right.
00:04:04.000 But you're really a sitcom writer who kind of like has a hobby of doing stand-up, and you never develop on the road.
00:04:11.000 And there's a bunch of guys.
00:04:12.000 Do you know Owen Smith?
00:04:14.000 That's another guy I don't know.
00:04:16.000 I've met him a couple times. 0.98
00:04:17.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.93
00:04:18.000 One of the best comics in the world. 0.97
00:04:20.000 And he's just been spending so many years doing these sitcoms.
00:04:24.000 Like, I saw him one night at the comic store. 0.99
00:04:27.000 I'm like, how the fuck is this guy not gigantic? 0.94
00:04:30.000 Like, how does he not have a Netflix hour that everyone's talking about? 0.99
00:04:33.000 How is everybody not trying to book him places?
00:04:36.000 It's just because he's been doing this sitcom writer thing.
00:04:39.000 He's trying to break out of that now, though.
00:04:40.000 Tommy Johnnigan's another guy.
00:04:41.000 You know Tommy Johnnigan?
00:04:42.000 I've heard of him.
00:04:43.000 He's one of the best comedians I think there is.
00:04:46.000 He's a writer.
00:04:46.000 But he's been writing on a TV show.
00:04:48.000 But he's happy.
00:04:48.000 He likes it.
00:04:48.000 He's got two kids and it keeps him off the road.
00:04:50.000 But to me it's a bummer as a comedy fan because I'm like, ah, I want to see that new hour.
00:04:55.000 But I think he still works a little bit.
00:04:58.000 Yeah, Mitch Hedberg had a really funny bit about that.
00:05:00.000 About how comedy, like when you're a comedian, it's the only job where someone asks you to do another job.
00:05:04.000 Yeah.
00:05:05.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:05:06.000 There was somebody, when I first moved to New York, there was a guy that was like, do you do any writing?
00:05:10.000 And I was like, well, I did all that writing.
00:05:12.000 I wrote all that.
00:05:14.000 But that's why I never liked writing other than stand-up, because stand-up I can write all day and then go do it that night.
00:05:20.000 Whereas when I'm writing like a movie or a TV show, I'm like, ah, I'm wasting my, this isn't going to get made.
00:05:24.000 Which is not, my therapist says that's not the way, that's not what should inspire you to write.
00:05:29.000 You should be writing because it's a way to express yourself. 1.00
00:05:31.000 Your therapist is right, but then again, if you are writing something and nothing happens, that is fucking stupid. 1.00
00:05:36.000 It feels wasteful when I could be writing jokes that I do on stage. 0.99
00:05:41.000 Yeah, you just get into that sort of thing where you're just like, what am I doing here?
00:05:47.000 And then it steals your thunder.
00:05:49.000 Yeah, I feel that way all the time.
00:05:50.000 Unrelated to comedy.
00:05:53.000 Just life.
00:05:53.000 Yeah, what am I doing here?
00:05:54.000 You write right.
00:05:56.000 You sit down and write.
00:05:57.000 A little bit, yeah.
00:05:58.000 I try to, but a lot of times I'll start writing and then I end up just... 0.87
00:06:03.000 Jerking off. 0.98
00:06:04.000 Jerking off. 0.97
00:06:05.000 Yeah. 0.86
00:06:06.000 Although I do that less than I used to.
00:06:07.000 Well, Louis said that he had one laptop that could not connect to the internet.
00:06:13.000 Yeah.
00:06:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:15.000 He still does that, yeah.
00:06:16.000 But if you do that, what if you want to Google something while you're writing?
00:06:20.000 Well, I do that a lot, and I'll use it as an excuse.
00:06:21.000 I'll be writing, and then I'm like, what's the origin? 0.87
00:06:24.000 Let me Google that for research, and then before you know it, I'm just going through Instagram, and I'm jerking off. 0.97
00:06:28.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:06:30.000 Yeah, you've got to have discipline.
00:06:32.000 That's all.
00:06:33.000 I give myself an hour.
00:06:34.000 I have one hour that I have to write.
00:06:36.000 And then if I enjoy it, I keep going.
00:06:38.000 But for one hour, there is nothing going on but writing.
00:06:41.000 See, that's ambitious.
00:06:42.000 I have to go literally, I'm not even joking, like 10 minutes.
00:06:45.000 I'm like, let me do 10 minutes.
00:06:46.000 And usually I'll go a little longer because I'm like, all right, all right.
00:06:49.000 But now I'll do like 30 minutes and I'm like, then you can treat yourself.
00:06:52.000 I'm a child.
00:06:53.000 I am too.
00:06:54.000 But I found that, I mean, obviously we came in here, we were, me and Jeff were embroiled in a quake deathmatch.
00:06:59.000 Yeah.
00:07:00.000 Yeah.
00:07:00.000 And we wouldn't stop to say hi.
00:07:01.000 I said hi.
00:07:03.000 Briefly.
00:07:03.000 I appreciate it.
00:07:04.000 I felt bad.
00:07:04.000 See you in 15 minutes.
00:07:05.000 I felt like I walked in and you fucking. 0.99
00:07:06.000 You were a little early. 1.00
00:07:07.000 You were like sweating and intense.
00:07:09.000 Well, I got here early and I'm always compulsively early everywhere.
00:07:12.000 Good.
00:07:13.000 That's good.
00:07:13.000 I spend a lot of time just doing laps around places because I have so much anxiety.
00:07:18.000 But...
00:07:18.000 I parked and I was like, I'll just sit in my car for 10 minutes.
00:07:21.000 And then a big guy came out and was just looking at me.
00:07:26.000 And so then I was like, I think this must mean I have to get out of the car.
00:07:29.000 Yeah, he's armed.
00:07:30.000 So I got out.
00:07:31.000 Oh, is he?
00:07:32.000 Oh, great.
00:07:32.000 Of course.
00:07:33.000 Oh, I'm terrified.
00:07:35.000 But yeah, so I got here early.
00:07:36.000 I was on camera.
00:07:37.000 But I would have showed up.
00:07:39.000 Write it.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter.
00:07:40.000 We shouldn't have snuck in that extra game.
00:07:43.000 The problem is you play one game, and then it gets, like we play for a half hour, play to 100 points, 100 deaths, and then it gets intense.
00:07:53.000 And then if one guy beats the other guy, gives him a drubbing, then the other guy wants revenge, and then you have to play that second match.
00:07:59.000 Yeah, it's addictive. 0.99
00:08:00.000 Then you start off your day with two ass kickings. 1.00
00:08:02.000 It's like jerking off. 1.00
00:08:04.000 100 deaths. 1.00
00:08:05.000 Yeah, you start off your day with two jerk-off sessions.
00:08:08.000 You're like, man, I have a lot of catching up to do if I want to make this a productive day. 0.99
00:08:12.000 Are you still jerking off a lot? 0.99
00:08:13.000 Of course. 1.00
00:08:14.000 I feel like I don't jerk off that much anymore. 0.98
00:08:16.000 What? 1.00
00:08:17.000 Well, I have a wife and we have sex. 0.98
00:08:18.000 Yeah, I do that.
00:08:19.000 But even when she's not aware, when she's away... 0.99
00:08:22.000 Then you jerk off? 0.99
00:08:23.000 I'll jerk off a little bit, but I have less than I used to. 1.00
00:08:27.000 Is something wrong with me? 1.00
00:08:28.000 I can still get my vagina hard. 1.00
00:08:31.000 I'm just not as interested. 1.00
00:08:35.000 Nothing wrong with that, man.
00:08:37.000 But when I'm with her, I'm very interested.
00:08:39.000 Yes, yes. 0.99
00:08:40.000 I get it, but in your free time, you've got other shit on your mind. 0.99
00:08:43.000 Yes. 0.99
00:08:43.000 You're focused. 0.99
00:08:45.000 I am focused on about 5,000 things at once.
00:08:48.000 Yeah, me too.
00:08:48.000 In the world of being a comedian.
00:08:50.000 Yeah, that's a lot.
00:08:51.000 Yeah, Louie's idea is a good idea on paper to not have anything connected to the internet.
00:08:58.000 I think about doing this now.
00:09:00.000 He has two phones, like a flip phone, that 12 people have the number.
00:09:05.000 And then he has a smartphone that he'll leave behind.
00:09:08.000 So his kids can call him, or his mother or whatever.
00:09:13.000 I'm one of the 12th.
00:09:14.000 But, like, someone can get in touch with him, and you can call 911, but there's no Twitter, Instagram, whatever.
00:09:20.000 So that's, like, a decent idea, is two phones. 0.96
00:09:22.000 Because I'm fucked up with... 0.85
00:09:23.000 But then, you know, obviously you're friends with Ari. 0.99
00:09:26.000 He has the flip phone.
00:09:27.000 That's it.
00:09:27.000 Louie has the flip phone.
00:09:28.000 But what sucks is when you're hanging out with these people, they still need the shit. 1.00
00:09:31.000 So they end up using your phone. 1.00
00:09:33.000 Exactly.
00:09:34.000 Like, I'll go hiking with Ari, whatever, on a trip, and he's like, pull up your Google Maps, can I use your phone?
00:09:38.000 And then he just has my phone.
00:09:39.000 How about have some discipline, Ari?
00:09:41.000 Yeah.
00:09:41.000 Get a real phone.
00:09:42.000 I don't want anyone to have my phone. 0.91
00:09:44.000 It's not like I don't have crazy porn or whatever.
00:09:47.000 Don't be touching my phone.
00:09:48.000 I don't like people holding my phone.
00:09:49.000 That's like someone wearing your underwear.
00:09:51.000 Yes.
00:09:51.000 It's worse.
00:09:52.000 Hey, can I borrow your underwear?
00:09:53.000 What?
00:09:53.000 You can take my underwear.
00:09:55.000 Can't you just go raw dog? 0.89
00:09:56.000 Just put pants on?
00:09:57.000 Yeah.
00:09:58.000 Do you have to have underwear?
00:09:59.000 It's weird.
00:10:00.000 You don't need underwear.
00:10:01.000 You do.
00:10:02.000 I sprinkle a lot of tinkle.
00:10:04.000 Yeah, but if you have a good pair of underwear, it's better. 1.00
00:10:08.000 Then, like, if you're wearing jeans and shit, and your dick's rubbing against your zipper, that shit's annoying. 1.00
00:10:12.000 Yeah, that's no good. 1.00
00:10:13.000 Good point.
00:10:13.000 You need underwear.
00:10:14.000 I take it back.
00:10:14.000 I want to walk back my underwear.
00:10:17.000 Ari just needs some discipline. 1.00
00:10:18.000 He just needs some goddamn discipline. 1.00
00:10:20.000 He's such a child. 1.00
00:10:21.000 He does, but I understand addiction and stuff.
00:10:24.000 It's difficult.
00:10:25.000 Because I have it where I'm like, just don't look.
00:10:27.000 Yeah.
00:10:28.000 But I'm obsessed with my phone, too.
00:10:31.000 Well, I am too.
00:10:31.000 But I'm not as bad as I used to be.
00:10:34.000 But Ari, he realizes it.
00:10:36.000 He's not a loser.
00:10:38.000 He's a winner. 0.99
00:10:39.000 He figures shit out. 1.00
00:10:40.000 He's a winner. 1.00
00:10:40.000 He's like, alright, I have a fucking problem, and I'm not getting better at this, so I'm just gonna get rid of it. 1.00
00:10:46.000 I'm just gonna get this fucking stupid flip phone that I could barely text on. 0.99
00:10:49.000 Whenever he texts me, it's like a miracle. 1.00
00:10:51.000 I'm like, what are you doing here with this caveman phone? 1.00
00:10:54.000 This is a text message from this stupid fucking phone? 1.00
00:10:56.000 And then you have to keep it short because you can't send like a long thing because it comes in like three pages and out of order. 1.00
00:11:03.000 So it's like, anyways, I'm gay now.
00:11:05.000 And then it's like, hey, I just met. 1.00
00:11:06.000 It's all fucked up. 1.00
00:11:10.000 Yeah, it sucks. 1.00
00:11:11.000 But maybe I'm thinking about doing it myself. 0.99
00:11:13.000 Well, they're getting crazier.
00:11:15.000 Now they're having these folding phones that blow out to like 10 inches. 0.99
00:11:19.000 Have you seen these goddamn things? 0.99
00:11:20.000 No. 0.99
00:11:20.000 Well, Samsung released it, but then they took it back because it started breaking. 0.99
00:11:24.000 But it looks like a regular smartphone, but it's fat.
00:11:29.000 And the reason why it's fat is you can open it up and it becomes a giant smartphone.
00:11:33.000 Oh, that seems kind of nice.
00:11:35.000 It's pretty nice if you need an iPad everywhere you go.
00:11:37.000 Right.
00:11:37.000 But do you?
00:11:39.000 No.
00:11:39.000 I use my phone also as like a computer.
00:11:42.000 I barely use my computer. 0.98
00:11:43.000 I just write emails and shit on my phone. 0.98
00:11:46.000 Yeah, I write very few emails on my phone. 0.99
00:11:49.000 I'm trying to limit my hour on the phone to one hour, one hour for the whole day, one hour of screen time.
00:11:56.000 Yeah, that's impressive.
00:11:59.000 Well, I forced it on my kid, so I'm like, okay, if she gets an hour of screen time, I should get an hour of screen time.
00:12:05.000 Right, but you're also running a business.
00:12:07.000 That's true.
00:12:07.000 You have a team.
00:12:08.000 But I'm also responsible.
00:12:10.000 Right.
00:12:11.000 Yeah.
00:12:11.000 For other people to pick up the slack.
00:12:13.000 It's a full-on addiction, though. 1.00
00:12:15.000 It's fucked up. 0.99
00:12:16.000 Like, I'll go on a plane. 1.00
00:12:17.000 I'll fly across the country.
00:12:18.000 I'm on airplane mode.
00:12:19.000 You can't even use it. 0.70
00:12:20.000 And I'll find myself just looking at photos just because I want the dopamine, whatever the fuck it is, of just holding and moving my phone.
00:12:27.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:12:27.000 It's really a problem. 0.94
00:12:30.000 It is a problem.
00:12:31.000 And I'm actually, I've been doing a bit about it, about the real problem is what's next.
00:12:36.000 The real problem is where does it go from here?
00:12:39.000 Because it's got, you hook just looking at photos and text.
00:12:42.000 Well, I mean, I walked in, you couldn't say hello and you were crying playing a game called Quake.
00:12:46.000 So that might be the next step.
00:12:48.000 There's something about staring at that screen when you get really intense, your eyes start watering.
00:12:52.000 I swear to God, I wasn't emotional.
00:12:53.000 No, I thought your parents passed away as I pulled in.
00:12:57.000 I leave here, I feel like a freak.
00:13:00.000 First of all, sometimes when we leave, we'll have these battles that'll go like two hours. 0.98
00:13:04.000 And then when I leave, my fucking heart's pounding, my adrenaline's rushing. 0.97
00:13:08.000 I'm like, see you later, man. 0.99
00:13:09.000 Bye. 0.99
00:13:10.000 And we leave and we're like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:13:12.000 And I'm driving home. 0.99
00:13:13.000 It's like literally like I just had a fight.
00:13:15.000 Like you don't have a fight with somebody.
00:13:17.000 Wow.
00:13:17.000 I don't have that.
00:13:19.000 Yeah, it's a very, very bad addiction.
00:13:23.000 But it's really fun, too. 0.98
00:13:24.000 So part of me is like, I'm enjoying the shit out of this. 0.98
00:13:27.000 It's really fun to play. 0.98
00:13:28.000 I think that's the key, is just enjoy it.
00:13:30.000 You gotta enjoy whatever decision you're making.
00:13:32.000 This is what my therapist tells me.
00:13:33.000 That's what your therapist tells you?
00:13:34.000 Yeah, well, I'm dealing...
00:13:36.000 I had, like, a horrible diet my whole life.
00:13:38.000 What do you eat?
00:13:40.000 Well, now I've changed.
00:13:41.000 I'm going through a bit of a medical situation right now.
00:13:44.000 I have AIDS. I came here to say.
00:13:46.000 What kind of AIDS? The good kind?
00:13:47.000 Yeah, the good kind.
00:13:48.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:13:48.000 Kind of the fun.
00:13:50.000 The fun, you lose a little weight, whatever.
00:13:52.000 But it makes you whimsical.
00:13:53.000 Yeah, I feel good.
00:13:54.000 I can play basketball now.
00:13:55.000 Like the Flintstones.
00:13:56.000 Like gay old time. 1.00
00:13:57.000 Did they have AIDS? Yeah. 0.97
00:13:59.000 They all did.
00:14:00.000 That's why they're not here anymore.
00:14:03.000 Um...
00:14:06.000 What was I going to say?
00:14:07.000 I don't know.
00:14:08.000 You have a medical issue?
00:14:09.000 Oh, so I have this thing called silent reflux.
00:14:12.000 Have you ever heard of this?
00:14:12.000 No.
00:14:13.000 It's acid reflux, but they call it silent because there's no heartburn.
00:14:17.000 It's different than GERD. It just goes straight up into your vocal cords and into your throat.
00:14:22.000 So it's like fucking up my... 1.00
00:14:24.000 My shit. 1.00
00:14:25.000 Oh no. 0.99
00:14:26.000 And I wake up with like a cough and it's like into my, they're calling it respiratory reflux now. 0.98
00:14:30.000 It's almost like asthma, sinus shit. 0.97
00:14:33.000 And it's diet related? 0.99
00:14:34.000 Yeah, well I ate exclusively, I drink Coke, like three or four Cokes a day, exclusively like a large pizza, extra marinara, chicken parm, extra marinara, Chipotle extra hot sauce, chocolate chip cookies. 0.99
00:14:47.000 You eat garbage. 0.99
00:14:48.000 I ate like a garbage child. 1.00
00:14:50.000 I'm a garbage child. 1.00
00:14:51.000 A grown-up baby. 1.00
00:14:53.000 Yeah, so I just ate exclusively that. 0.97
00:14:55.000 I was in therapy, but I knew, I was like, I'm fucking myself up. 0.97
00:14:59.000 I'm going to die. 0.99
00:14:59.000 I'm going to get cancer and die. 0.99
00:15:01.000 And my therapist was like, just...
00:15:04.000 At least accept your decision. 1.00
00:15:06.000 Enjoy eating shit. 1.00
00:15:07.000 He's like, you're eating shit and not even enjoying it. 1.00
00:15:10.000 So what's the point? 1.00
00:15:11.000 And he's like, accepting it would actually probably help you to eat healthier.
00:15:15.000 And I was like, good point.
00:15:16.000 I'll just start enjoying it.
00:15:18.000 And that lasted 10 days.
00:15:19.000 And that's when the reflux started and I had to completely change my diet.
00:15:22.000 So I should have had that conversation...
00:15:25.000 25 years earlier. 0.99
00:15:27.000 So now I just ate like shit without enjoying it. 0.99
00:15:29.000 And now I'm refluxing. 0.99
00:15:32.000 And I can't eat any of that.
00:15:33.000 I had to cut out everything.
00:15:35.000 So what did they tell you to eat now?
00:15:37.000 Do you have to cut out dairy?
00:15:38.000 What do you cut now?
00:15:39.000 Well, I'm going back to the doctor on Thursday.
00:15:41.000 Then I'm seeing a specialist who coined the phrase.
00:15:44.000 It's like a thousand bucks for a consultation.
00:15:46.000 But at this point, I'm losing my mind.
00:15:48.000 How crazy is that?
00:15:49.000 A doctor can charge a thousand dollars to just talk to you. 0.99
00:15:52.000 Well, the first doctor I went to was an ENT, and they do a thing, which I think is fucked up. 0.96
00:15:56.000 They're like, I'm like, I'm paying cash. 0.95
00:15:58.000 I don't have insurance.
00:15:59.000 I'm paying out of pocket.
00:16:00.000 And they're like, oh, it's a 20% discount if you're paying out of pocket.
00:16:03.000 Like, I'm at a record store.
00:16:05.000 They're like, we give you a discount if you pay up front.
00:16:08.000 And I'm like, all right, that seems bizarre.
00:16:11.000 It's like my well-being.
00:16:12.000 That seems like something to someone who deals with drug dealers.
00:16:15.000 Guys coming with bullet wounds.
00:16:17.000 You got cash?
00:16:19.000 20% off.
00:16:20.000 It's a little strange.
00:16:21.000 Well, I rolled up my money and put a rubber band around it and handed it to him.
00:16:24.000 We always like to think that doctors are...
00:16:29.000 There's something special about them.
00:16:30.000 You know, they're beyond reproach.
00:16:32.000 They're above and beyond.
00:16:33.000 But I was reading this book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie.
00:16:36.000 It's by this guy Joel Wallach.
00:16:38.000 And it's all about mineral deficiencies and how many people have mineral deficiencies and how little doctors actually know about nutrition and how so many doctors are not only unhealthy but have, at least back when he wrote this book, have easy access to prescription medicine.
00:16:52.000 And they're just overdosing.
00:16:54.000 Right. 1.00
00:16:54.000 And they're just fucking... 1.00
00:16:57.000 Cooking themselves with coke. 1.00
00:16:58.000 Right.
00:16:59.000 Yeah, I'm trying to do like an organic-y thing.
00:17:01.000 So I started eating all these salads and oatmeal and salmon.
00:17:06.000 Is that helping?
00:17:07.000 No.
00:17:07.000 Well, I feel bad.
00:17:08.000 I've lost weight.
00:17:09.000 I'm thin. 0.99
00:17:09.000 I'm taking huge like green baby leg shits. 0.99
00:17:13.000 Like insane. 1.00
00:17:14.000 Like the S with the... 0.82
00:17:15.000 It feels good, right?
00:17:16.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:17:16.000 All that roughage.
00:17:17.000 Amazing.
00:17:18.000 Comes flying out.
00:17:19.000 And I feel light and I'm a little more...
00:17:22.000 That's good. 0.98
00:17:24.000 But my throat is still all fucked up. 0.98
00:17:26.000 But I've heard it takes months, and I'm like, maybe my body's repairing, and it just doesn't. 0.98
00:17:29.000 It takes time to whatever.
00:17:31.000 So what specifically did they tell you to get off of?
00:17:34.000 Well, when I first went there, it was like the end of the day. 1.00
00:17:37.000 I started having a fucking panic attack, because there's white shit coming down my throat. 1.00
00:17:42.000 Not the first time that's happened, folks. 1.00
00:17:48.000 Come.
00:17:49.000 I get it.
00:17:51.000 I ran in there and I was like, I gotta see a doctor today.
00:17:55.000 I'm losing my mind.
00:17:57.000 And they were like, we can squeeze in an appointment.
00:17:59.000 And I think when you show up right before they close with no health insurance, The guy kind of looked and went, oh yeah, that's silent reflux.
00:18:05.000 And then they print out a piece of paper from WebMD, which is amazing to me. 0.93
00:18:10.000 They just print shit out that I could have Googled. 0.93
00:18:12.000 And he's like, try to cut out the spicy foods, take Prilosec and whatever. 0.98
00:18:16.000 So he made it seem like it was no big deal.
00:18:19.000 Spicy foods?
00:18:20.000 Yeah.
00:18:20.000 That's interesting that they would tell you to cut that out.
00:18:23.000 Like, what...
00:18:26.000 Do they say what is actually causing?
00:18:29.000 What is the mechanism?
00:18:30.000 What's forcing this reaction?
00:18:33.000 Well, I think what happens is it has something to do with your esophageal sphincter.
00:18:39.000 Whoa.
00:18:40.000 I didn't know I had one.
00:18:41.000 Yeah, you do. 1.00
00:18:42.000 I've read so much of this shit. 1.00
00:18:45.000 Is that your G-spot when you're sucking dicks? 1.00
00:18:47.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:18:48.000 It gets down in there.
00:18:49.000 I feel like that would be deep in there.
00:18:51.000 Esophageal sphincter?
00:18:54.000 So it opens up, and there's supposed to be some acid that comes up, but I got too much acid, I guess.
00:19:00.000 It fluxes and then it refluxes. 0.91
00:19:03.000 But I think what happens is it gets so fucked up from diet that it becomes compromised. 0.99
00:19:08.000 So it doesn't matter what I eat, it's just open like a fucking big... 1.00
00:19:13.000 Like a blown out asshole. 1.00
00:19:13.000 Like a loose asshole, yeah. 1.00
00:19:15.000 So and that's from just all the acid hitting it over and over and over again. 1.00
00:19:19.000 Yeah, so I got into this.
00:19:20.000 There's a woman named Dr. Kaufman.
00:19:23.000 I forget her first name, but she actually is in New York.
00:19:25.000 That's who I'm going to see for a thousand bucks.
00:19:26.000 But she coined the phrase and wrote all these books and stuff and says you can fix it through diet. 0.99
00:19:34.000 But I've been taking a ton of Prilosec and shit. 0.93
00:19:36.000 Is that how? 0.99
00:19:38.000 I don't know how much worse it would be if I wasn't taking that, but then when you get off of that, there's a thing called rebound reflux, where it just comes back fucking gangbusters. 0.95
00:19:48.000 Oh, no. 0.96
00:19:49.000 Like people that take Xanax.
00:19:52.000 Yeah, I used to take Xanax years ago.
00:19:54.000 I've never taken it, but they say that when you get off of it, then you get super anxious.
00:19:58.000 Hmm, I don't remember that.
00:20:00.000 I only took it if I was like having a panic attack, whatever.
00:20:02.000 But I took Paxil for a long time.
00:20:04.000 And then I couldn't come on that.
00:20:06.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:20:07.000 I heard about that.
00:20:08.000 Yeah, yeah, it's unpleasant.
00:20:09.000 You and Mike Tyson at the same time.
00:20:11.000 Oh, can he not come?
00:20:12.000 Couldn't when he was on the Paxil.
00:20:13.000 We're very similar guys.
00:20:14.000 Real similar.
00:20:15.000 We have a lot of comments.
00:20:16.000 Similar in your backgrounds.
00:20:17.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:20:18.000 Yeah, I used to.
00:20:20.000 Play with pigeons.
00:20:21.000 I shouldn't say play with.
00:20:22.000 Is he listening?
00:20:23.000 This is what's terrifying about this show.
00:20:25.000 He's a good guy.
00:20:27.000 He's super friendly.
00:20:29.000 He's like a giant bear that's like your friend.
00:20:33.000 Yeah, I'd like to...
00:20:34.000 He's like a really sweet guy, but you are very aware when you're around him that he is not you.
00:20:41.000 Like, this is an elite super athlete from the Hall of Fame.
00:20:47.000 You know what I mean? 0.98
00:20:48.000 He's Mike motherfucking Tyson. 0.95
00:20:50.000 And even though he doesn't even hardly work out anymore, like even when you shake his hand, it's like holding onto a brick. 0.97
00:20:55.000 It's like his whole body is like...
00:20:56.000 He's like five feet wide.
00:20:58.000 Yeah, I imagine if you work, I don't know, you probably know more about this than I do.
00:21:02.000 If you work out enough for long enough, and then you stop, I imagine you're gonna have a base.
00:21:07.000 You definitely have a base.
00:21:08.000 Like, when I was a kid, or when I was younger, I ran, I was a distance runner, and I stopped running distance, but I feel like now I could go run five miles because I used to.
00:21:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
00:21:20.000 I feel similarly like Mike Tyson could beat me up, probably. 0.99
00:21:23.000 Oh yeah, yeah, he'd kill you. 0.99
00:21:26.000 You don't know me that well. 0.99
00:21:27.000 It's true.
00:21:28.000 I don't know.
00:21:28.000 You might have some skills.
00:21:30.000 My friend C.T. Fletcher, he actually had a heart surgery, heart transplant, one year ago.
00:21:36.000 And he hasn't been able to do much of anything other than very light exercise.
00:21:42.000 He's just trying to build his body back up.
00:21:44.000 But he used to be a world champion power lifter.
00:21:47.000 And even though he hasn't really worked out in probably a year and a half, he still has giant arms.
00:21:51.000 He's still huge.
00:21:52.000 Yeah.
00:21:54.000 You keep a lot of it.
00:21:55.000 He could probably beat me up also, you think?
00:21:58.000 He can't move that much.
00:22:01.000 Okay.
00:22:01.000 Because of the heart.
00:22:02.000 Okay. 1.00
00:22:02.000 You know, he's on a bunch of pills and stuff, but if he got a hold of you, he'd be fucked. 1.00
00:22:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:06.000 His arms are like double mine.
00:22:08.000 Oh, wow.
00:22:08.000 Two of my arms on top of it.
00:22:10.000 That's a big arm.
00:22:10.000 He was an enormous man at one time.
00:22:12.000 Wow.
00:22:12.000 He's basically my height, maybe an inch.
00:22:14.000 He's probably like 5'9", maybe an inch taller than me.
00:22:17.000 And he weighed three, what did he say, 320 at one point?
00:22:20.000 320 pounds?
00:22:21.000 Wow.
00:22:22.000 It's a picture of him. 0.99
00:22:23.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.99
00:22:24.000 Like, you can't believe that a human could stack that much meat onto your skeleton. 1.00
00:22:29.000 Yeah.
00:22:30.000 I wonder that.
00:22:30.000 If I just started really...
00:22:32.000 Lifting?
00:22:32.000 Lifting.
00:22:33.000 Because I'm like, I can't eat healthy foods.
00:22:35.000 I mean, I can't eat shitty foods anymore, and I don't drink, and I don't do drugs.
00:22:38.000 I'm like, maybe I could get into exercise.
00:22:40.000 How big can I get? 0.99
00:22:41.000 Can I get fucking... 1.00
00:22:42.000 You can get big. 1.00
00:22:43.000 I mean, you definitely get bigger.
00:22:45.000 It's your an ectomorph, which means you're tall and lean.
00:22:49.000 And tall is one of the reasons why, even though you were on that terrible diet, you're not built like Ralphie Mae. 0.51
00:22:55.000 Right.
00:22:55.000 Or something like that, you know what I mean?
00:22:57.000 Like some people just have bodies that just, they can absorb a lot of sugar and a lot of bullshit. 0.99
00:23:01.000 And your body obviously can do that. 0.99
00:23:03.000 Yeah.
00:23:04.000 That's C.T. Fletcher when he was 320 pounds.
00:23:06.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
00:23:06.000 And the fucking size of his arms. 1.00
00:23:08.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00
00:23:10.000 Yeah, that's goofy. 1.00
00:23:10.000 He's so huge. 1.00
00:23:12.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:23:14.000 Those are ridiculous. 1.00
00:23:15.000 Do you know, remember the fighter Vinnie Pazienza? 0.98
00:23:18.000 Sure.
00:23:19.000 He's from Rhode Island, and I was working the Providence Comedy Connection years ago.
00:23:23.000 And he was at the show, we kind of met, and then he was drinking a little bit, and then after the show, we were all at the bar. 0.98
00:23:29.000 And I think he was like kind of fucking around. 0.98
00:23:31.000 He's like, ah, the comedian! 1.00
00:23:32.000 I'm gonna come over there and kick that comedian's ass! 1.00
00:23:34.000 He was kind of like, I think he was fucking with me or whatever, but I was like terrified. 1.00
00:23:37.000 I'm a terrified human anyways. 1.00
00:23:40.000 And he's like, ah, I want to come over there and beat his ass. 1.00
00:23:42.000 And then his girl that he was with was kind of like, Vinny, no! 1.00
00:23:45.000 And she was like, kind of looked... 0.97
00:23:47.000 Nervous where I was like wait is this something is this like a real thing and like everyone there was like ah no he's fucking with you And then I was like telling the story later to like my fan my uncle and he's like ah he's drunk you fucking you'll be fine I was like what do you mean he's like ah he's older he's drunk oh my god I'm like at what point of me Hitting Vinnie Pazienza do you think he'd be like all right all right I'm sorry There's no amount of like, 0.92
00:24:12.000 ah, he's a little older, he's had a couple cocktails. 0.99
00:24:14.000 Uncles are terrible for advice.
00:24:17.000 You're not their kid to like, ah, you figure it out. 0.99
00:24:19.000 They give you like really abbreviated shitty advice. 0.67
00:24:22.000 Yeah, it's like a nice idea that I'd be like, you'll be able to handle it. 0.66
00:24:26.000 I'm like, no, no, I think he would win. 0.99
00:24:29.000 He's the fucking champion of the world at beating people up. 1.00
00:24:32.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:24:34.000 It'd be a real problem for you. 1.00
00:24:36.000 No matter how drunk he was.
00:24:37.000 Yeah, I wouldn't have fared well.
00:24:39.000 Uncles.
00:24:41.000 They're terrible with advice.
00:24:42.000 Uncles are always buying you beer when you're too young.
00:24:45.000 They're always showing you things you shouldn't see.
00:24:48.000 Yeah, it's fun to be one.
00:24:50.000 Yeah, I'm an uncle.
00:24:51.000 Yeah, me too.
00:24:52.000 Do you plan on shooting loads into the missus and having a real person?
00:24:56.000 No, I mean, I plan on shooting loads into her, but I don't think so. 0.94
00:24:59.000 My wife's a comedian as well. 0.99
00:25:02.000 She doesn't want to have a kid. 1.00
00:25:03.000 No, we're a little older.
00:25:04.000 I mean, she's older.
00:25:05.000 I'm 37. She's 41. And someone's career has to be sacrificed quite a bit, I think, to have a kid.
00:25:12.000 That's one way to look at it, yeah.
00:25:13.000 And as of right now...
00:25:15.000 Which it could change any time.
00:25:18.000 I'm making more money on the road.
00:25:20.000 Like, that's the majority of our money.
00:25:21.000 So it'd have to be like, I gotta keep going on the road.
00:25:24.000 Right.
00:25:25.000 So, and then we're in New York, and, you know, it's hard to have a child.
00:25:30.000 Yeah.
00:25:30.000 They're very expensive, as you know.
00:25:31.000 They're very expensive, and New York is a weird place to raise a child.
00:25:35.000 It's just weird.
00:25:36.000 I have friends who raise their kids in New York, and they're like, we love it.
00:25:38.000 The kids love it.
00:25:39.000 We let them go wander around the streets.
00:25:41.000 Okay. 0.99
00:25:41.000 Do they have, do they go to like private school and shit? 0.99
00:25:44.000 No, they go to public. 0.99
00:25:47.000 The idea of like your nine-year-old on the subway is terrifying.
00:25:50.000 Again, like with anxiety.
00:25:52.000 Right, yeah.
00:25:53.000 Every moment I'd be like, my kid is getting abducted right now.
00:25:55.000 But you never know.
00:25:56.000 Like you could get a subway where everybody's cool.
00:25:59.000 Or you could get a subway where there's a crazy person and you're trapped in a tube with a crazy person.
00:26:03.000 Yeah.
00:26:04.000 It's one of the more interesting things about rolling the dice with the New York City subway is that You're just entering into a closed environment where you cannot escape for a prolonged period of time with people that you don't know.
00:26:15.000 And most people are cool.
00:26:17.000 Yeah.
00:26:17.000 Most people just want to get to their job or their house or wherever they're going.
00:26:20.000 But every now and then, like I met a dude, do you remember there was a knife attack on a subway where a guy had killed a couple of people and cut one guy up and the guy disarmed him from some moves that he learned in the Ultimate Fighting Championship watching it on TV? No.
00:26:37.000 Yeah, I'm mad at me.
00:26:38.000 Just giant cuts on his head.
00:26:40.000 It was really intense, man.
00:26:42.000 Yeah, I would not do well.
00:26:44.000 I would just be like, yeah, this cut me up.
00:26:46.000 I hate myself.
00:26:46.000 Well, I guess when you're in that sort of life-or-death situation, it just becomes...
00:26:54.000 Your survival mode kicks in.
00:26:56.000 You don't even know what you're doing.
00:26:58.000 Right.
00:26:59.000 I've talked to people that have been attacked by animals, and they say that you can't even imagine how reptilian your reaction is.
00:27:10.000 There's no rational thinking at all.
00:27:12.000 It's like 100% just DNA firing the switches for you.
00:27:18.000 Wow.
00:27:19.000 I was on the subway a couple years ago, and it was empty.
00:27:25.000 I was on the back of the train, and it was just me sitting there, and then there was a guy sleeping on the other end.
00:27:31.000 He was passed out or whatever.
00:27:33.000 And then there's six hooligans, young teenager... 0.52
00:27:38.000 They were acting all crazy.
00:27:39.000 And they got on the train on that end of the train.
00:27:42.000 They were like spitting on the guy and they were like, wake up!
00:27:44.000 They were screaming, but the guy was like, he was obviously drunk, whatever.
00:27:47.000 And they were like hawking loogies on him and stuff and like jumping up and down.
00:27:50.000 And so I was just looking at my phone because it was like a, it was a bad situation, unpleasant. 1.00
00:27:56.000 And then they kind of turned and focused towards me and they were like, hey, you fucking faggot, look up! 1.00
00:28:01.000 Look out for your phone! 1.00
00:28:02.000 And then I just didn't.
00:28:04.000 I kept ignoring them. 0.89
00:28:05.000 And then one guy was like, I'm gonna kill you if you don't look over here. 0.99
00:28:08.000 And then the other guy was like, I'll kill you if you keep looking at your phone. 1.00
00:28:11.000 And I was like shitting my pants. 0.99
00:28:12.000 And this is between Queensborough Plaza and Lexington Avenue, which is a pretty long underground station. 0.67
00:28:18.000 It was like doing the thing where it was like delayed.
00:28:20.000 So it was probably like...
00:28:22.000 Realistically, it was like four or five minutes, but I was like shitting my pants and there's six of them They're probably like early 20s late teens.
00:28:29.000 I have no fighting training or no weapon where I was like this is a bad situation like Six people you're like I'm not gonna I have no six people's a problem Six people is a problem. 0.98
00:28:41.000 I appreciate you saying it, because a lot of people are like, I would have busted up the biggest guy, whatever the fuck, and you're like, dude. 0.84
00:28:46.000 Just a tangle of arms and legs. 0.97
00:28:48.000 Six people's a real problem.
00:28:49.000 The only thing that would save you, though, is that you're in a subway.
00:28:53.000 And by that is, they're not going to surround you.
00:28:57.000 Right?
00:28:57.000 If you just put your back to the wall, there's six people, as they come towards you, they have to kind of come towards you almost single file.
00:29:05.000 I suppose so, yeah.
00:29:06.000 There's not a lot of room.
00:29:07.000 You can get, like, two at a time.
00:29:09.000 But...
00:29:11.000 You could crack one, and if you crack one, most of them will start panicking.
00:29:16.000 Most people don't know how to fight.
00:29:18.000 If you smash one guy's face in, and he goes unconscious, and then the other guys are there, and you start moving in on them, they have this anxiety attack, they start freaking, unless they know how to fight.
00:29:29.000 And I doubt they do, because people who know how to fight, they don't do things like that.
00:29:33.000 Very, very rarely do you run into thugs that actually know how to fight.
00:29:37.000 But that's the problem is, most people who know how to fight, I'm one of those most people.
00:29:42.000 So the smashing in the face, I mean, I know how to throw a punch.
00:29:45.000 But I'm saying, even for anybody, even for a trained fighter, if you're in a subway with six guys, it's not good.
00:29:51.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.96
00:29:51.000 Even if you really know how to fight, if you're like a world champion, you gotta go, God damn it. 0.96
00:29:56.000 Because you could always break your hand with the first punch. 1.00
00:29:58.000 That shit happens all the time. 1.00
00:30:00.000 Yeah, it was unpleasant, I would say. 1.00
00:30:03.000 But that can happen.
00:30:03.000 I mean, after that, I was like, maybe I shouldn't get on the last train.
00:30:06.000 At least give yourself a chance to go one.
00:30:08.000 It was early.
00:30:08.000 I was on my way to this show in the city.
00:30:10.000 It was like 8 o'clock, 7.30.
00:30:11.000 Jesus Christ.
00:30:12.000 I mean, I don't think they were leaving dry.
00:30:14.000 I think they were just... 1.00
00:30:15.000 Assholes. 1.00
00:30:15.000 Yeah, just being wild or whatever. 1.00
00:30:19.000 Wildin', I think is the term.
00:30:20.000 Were they Italian?
00:30:21.000 Yeah.
00:30:21.000 They were not.
00:30:22.000 They were of Latino descent. 1.00
00:30:26.000 Racist. 0.99
00:30:28.000 I am describing what I think a very PC. No, the way you said it, it was clear. 0.92
00:30:34.000 You're demeaning.
00:30:35.000 I think Latino is good.
00:30:36.000 Or is it Hispanic? 0.95
00:30:37.000 I think Hispanic is bad because it's in reference directly to Spanish. 0.66
00:30:41.000 So Latino is better? 1.00
00:30:43.000 But that could be in reference to Latin America.
00:30:45.000 I don't know.
00:30:45.000 I'm tired of that.
00:30:46.000 That's all. 1.00
00:30:47.000 They can suck my dick. 1.00
00:30:48.000 I'm tired of it. 1.00
00:30:48.000 I really am. 1.00
00:30:49.000 Yeah, fuck you Latinos. 1.00
00:30:51.000 Stop. 1.00
00:30:51.000 I'm just trying to figure out what your name is. 1.00
00:30:53.000 Alright?
00:30:54.000 Joe.
00:30:55.000 Yeah, but I mean...
00:30:56.000 Oh, thank you.
00:30:58.000 I mean, you can't just decide that something that people used forever is all of a sudden racist.
00:31:06.000 Like, here's a weird one.
00:31:07.000 And I don't know why this is.
00:31:09.000 You can't say Chinaman, but you can say Englishman.
00:31:13.000 Hmm.
00:31:14.000 I think a lot of it has to do with because the Chinese were enslaved.
00:31:19.000 Is that right?
00:31:19.000 They built the railroads?
00:31:21.000 Yeah, sure.
00:31:22.000 Is that something?
00:31:22.000 That probably has something to do with it.
00:31:24.000 But you can say Irishman and the Irish were enslaved.
00:31:26.000 There you go.
00:31:27.000 So that defeats that.
00:31:28.000 By the way, I'm just guessing.
00:31:30.000 The Irish were not enslaved here.
00:31:32.000 I mean, there were some Irish people that came over that did indentured servitude.
00:31:37.000 I'm sure actually, now that I am reading, I did read something about Irish slaves.
00:31:44.000 But in comparison to African slaves, it's not even close.
00:31:47.000 Yeah, I don't know much about that Irish thing, but I know that black people, African-American people get upset when you say, but the Irish were enslaved.
00:31:58.000 All I know is they don't like that.
00:32:00.000 Yeah, they're not into that argument.
00:32:02.000 Yeah, it's a terrible argument.
00:32:05.000 It doesn't seem like a great one.
00:32:07.000 There's not a lot of pictures of the Irish slaves that built America.
00:32:11.000 Yeah, I think a lot also came voluntarily or something.
00:32:15.000 I don't know.
00:32:16.000 Oh yeah, my grandparents.
00:32:17.000 My grandfather on my father's side came from Ireland.
00:32:22.000 I think my great-grandparents.
00:32:25.000 Yeah, imagine being one of those people from the 1920s. 1.00
00:32:29.000 It's like, fuck it. 1.00
00:32:30.000 I'm taking a chance. 1.00
00:32:31.000 I'm going to get on a fucking boat and travel across the ocean. 0.99
00:32:34.000 Only like 50 years after pictures were made. 0.99
00:32:38.000 Yeah, it's insane.
00:32:38.000 I think about that all the time.
00:32:39.000 When I watch Godfather Part 2, the whole time I'm like, yeah, go get him, little buddy. 0.98
00:32:43.000 And then he fucking takes things like the most powerful guy in the state, city, whatever. 0.91
00:32:48.000 It's just, there's no place like that now where people just can go. 0.99
00:32:53.000 Well, that's here still, isn't it?
00:32:54.000 Well, it's not, though. 0.98
00:32:55.000 It's fucking hard. 0.99
00:32:56.000 Like, it's hard if you're Canadian. 0.98
00:32:58.000 If you're Canadian, it's hard to get over here, and we're connected.
00:33:02.000 Like, they make it real hard for Canadians to move here.
00:33:05.000 Yeah, oh, for sure.
00:33:06.000 Well, I know a lot of Canadian comedians, and they have to, like, prove...
00:33:09.000 The whole idea is hilarious of a comedian trying to prove they're necessary in America.
00:33:14.000 It's just a comical idea.
00:33:16.000 It is funny.
00:33:16.000 They're like, can you guys write me letters that says we need more jokes?
00:33:20.000 In New York?
00:33:21.000 I think we need more comedians always.
00:33:23.000 I think there's a finite resource of comedians.
00:33:26.000 Well, we need more quality comedians.
00:33:28.000 Yes.
00:33:28.000 But the thing is, you never know.
00:33:31.000 Like, I knew guys that sucked, man, for years. 0.90
00:33:34.000 And I used to have this thought, either you're funny or you're not funny. 0.95
00:33:37.000 If you're funny, you can get funnier.
00:33:38.000 Right. 1.00
00:33:39.000 But I knew guys that used to eat shit. 1.00
00:33:41.000 Wow. 1.00
00:33:41.000 And now they're murderers. 1.00
00:33:43.000 It keeps coming back to Ari.
00:33:46.000 I'm kidding.
00:33:47.000 I'm zinging.
00:33:49.000 Ari was always funny. 1.00
00:33:50.000 He always had something.
00:33:51.000 He was never as funny as he is now, but he always had something.
00:33:55.000 He was always like, this guy's going to make it.
00:33:57.000 Yeah, it is interesting when people kind of figure it out.
00:33:59.000 But I think a lot of those people, they're trying to be what they think is supposed to be funny, and eventually they figure out to just be themselves.
00:34:07.000 And that's how it kind of...
00:34:08.000 I think you're right.
00:34:09.000 Like, they're trying to do Seinfeld or something, and then after a while, somebody along the way goes, hey, just tell the thing you said in the car.
00:34:17.000 Right, right, right, right.
00:34:18.000 I got friends like that that never made that flip, like, friends from Boston, comics, that have, like, the biggest disparity in funny offstage to funny onstage of anybody where it's puzzling. 0.98
00:34:32.000 Where I'm like, you're the funniest person I've ever met, and you've been eating shit for 20 years.
00:34:37.000 And it's like, how does that not translate? 0.98
00:34:39.000 That used to be Joey Diaz.
00:34:41.000 Interesting.
00:34:42.000 Joey Diaz is the funniest guy I've ever seen.
00:34:44.000 I've never seen anybody funnier.
00:34:45.000 And Joey Diaz, when he first started out, I didn't meet him when he first started out.
00:34:50.000 I met him...
00:34:52.000 Geez, I probably met him four years into his career.
00:34:55.000 I met him in 95, I think, or 96, somewhere around then.
00:35:00.000 And he just couldn't figure it out on stage.
00:35:04.000 And then around 98, I used to take him with me on the road.
00:35:09.000 Around 98, he just caught this wave. 0.98
00:35:12.000 And I'm saying within like six months, he went from having rough sets to fucking annihilating. 0.89
00:35:20.000 He also gained, during that time, at least 80 pounds. 0.99
00:35:25.000 He just didn't give a fuck anymore like something clicked where he didn't give a fuck anymore, right? 0.99
00:35:31.000 He started eating whatever he wanted to eat He was partying like a madman and he would go on stage just Just didn't give a fuck and he was so funny It's like he figured out the formula if he was trying to do the actor thing He got sucked into that thing that we were talking about where you want to get on sitcoms you want to get auditions you're going out for movies and And then after a while, 1.00
00:35:53.000 he just got fucked over too many times and dealt with too many people. 1.00
00:35:56.000 And he realized that he was like kind of tailoring his act for those assholes. 0.99
00:36:01.000 Yeah, I love those moments in any artist with music or whatever it is. 0.98
00:36:07.000 All I know is music and comedy really. 0.94
00:36:09.000 But when they fucking finally get into that... 0.63
00:36:13.000 In the rhythm of like figuring out who they are and what they are and then you're like, oh wow, this is special to watch. 0.55
00:36:17.000 Yeah, it's cool to watch too for like a person who's trying to do it themselves because you see all the elements and the qualities that they've sort of embraced that have helped them, like the authenticity and their real thoughts and, you know, their honest self-deprecation and all the things that you see that just sort of fall into place and then you can kind of examine your own self.
00:36:37.000 Right.
00:36:38.000 Yeah, maybe I can do that.
00:36:41.000 That's the thing about comedy, I think.
00:36:43.000 We don't exist in a vacuum.
00:36:46.000 We all influence each other.
00:36:48.000 Sometimes too much.
00:36:49.000 People do the Attell voice.
00:36:51.000 There are so many guys that do that voice.
00:36:54.000 And it's ruthless when you see people doing it.
00:36:56.000 God, you've got to pull them aside and go, hey man, I'm an Attell fan too.
00:37:01.000 You've got to back off the Attell voice.
00:37:02.000 Yeah, that happens.
00:37:03.000 It goes in waves, too.
00:37:05.000 Remember when I was like in the early 2000s, it was a lot of Dane. 1.00
00:37:09.000 People were doing a lot of Dane.
00:37:10.000 I used to say ADI was my term of another Dane impression.
00:37:14.000 There'd be all these guys that walk out and they're holding the mic in an impractical way.
00:37:18.000 It works for him, but they're kind of like...
00:37:20.000 And doing these weird movements.
00:37:23.000 And you're like, I think that's kind of his thing.
00:37:25.000 Cute young guys and they're trying to put on baseball hats everywhere they go.
00:37:28.000 Yeah.
00:37:29.000 Yeah.
00:37:29.000 And they come up with their own way to do a handstand on the stool.
00:37:33.000 Dane got mad at a guy once because he was wearing a Boston hat.
00:37:36.000 Oh, interesting.
00:37:37.000 He's like, that's my thing.
00:37:38.000 Oh, wow.
00:37:38.000 I wear a Boston hat.
00:37:40.000 I'm wearing a Bruins shirt.
00:37:40.000 I hope that's okay.
00:37:41.000 I don't know, man.
00:37:42.000 You gotta check in.
00:37:43.000 I'll come to this town.
00:37:44.000 I'll see.
00:37:44.000 I'll send him an email.
00:37:45.000 Are you from Boston?
00:37:47.000 I'm from Whitman, Massachusetts, but I started there.
00:37:49.000 I was there for years, yeah.
00:37:50.000 Oh, I'm from Newton.
00:37:52.000 Oh, wow.
00:37:52.000 Yeah.
00:37:53.000 A lot of comics from Newton.
00:37:54.000 Really?
00:37:54.000 Well, not a lot.
00:37:55.000 John Fish, I don't know if you know John.
00:37:56.000 No.
00:37:56.000 He's a New York guy.
00:37:58.000 And then Louis.
00:37:59.000 Ah, yeah.
00:37:59.000 So that's three.
00:38:00.000 But three is a lot to come from a relatively small town.
00:38:03.000 Newton's a weird spot.
00:38:04.000 It's like, it's idyllic.
00:38:06.000 If you go there right now, it's like, ah, this is beautiful.
00:38:08.000 A little cute, little sweet, little town.
00:38:10.000 Yeah. 0.85
00:38:11.000 When I was growing up there, it seemed like a frozen shithole.
00:38:14.000 I could be wrong on this.
00:38:16.000 I think Newton was once labeled the safest town in America.
00:38:19.000 They had gone the longest distance without a murder.
00:38:23.000 I think they were basing it off murder or some crime.
00:38:25.000 And then shortly after that, somebody was killed.
00:38:27.000 It was like they jinxed it.
00:38:28.000 Yeah, they probably wanted to set the record.
00:38:31.000 They wanted to be the person to break it. 1.00
00:38:32.000 Yeah, someone was like, fuck that, and then they murdered. 1.00
00:38:35.000 It's a good place. 1.00
00:38:36.000 It's nice.
00:38:37.000 Boston's a great place to grow up, but I think it wears on you. 0.91
00:38:41.000 All my friends who live there, I still have a few buddies that live there, and I talk to them like, man, I don't know how many more winners I can fucking take.
00:38:48.000 Yeah, I got a buddy that just moved to Key, he's moving to Key West July 1st, and he's like, I'm tired of shoveling, and it's a hard city. 0.51
00:38:56.000 People are fucking angry, and the traffic, and there's like inferiority complexes. 0.68
00:39:02.000 It's a great place to, I think, influence you, and then you gotta get the hell out of there. 0.99
00:39:06.000 Horrible place to date.
00:39:08.000 I never, well, I mean, I did date there, but not. 0.99
00:39:10.000 That accent, you find a woman with that accent, it's just, it's a boner killer. 1.00
00:39:13.000 It's not a pleasant accent on a woman. 1.00
00:39:15.000 Yeah, it's not good.
00:39:17.000 On a dude, it's fun.
00:39:18.000 I hear a dude with that accent, I said, ah, that'd be a good guy to drink with.
00:39:21.000 Yes.
00:39:22.000 Listen to him.
00:39:22.000 I agree, there's most definitely a double standard with that.
00:39:25.000 What accent are you turned on by?
00:39:27.000 Southern.
00:39:28.000 Yeah, I suppose so.
00:39:28.000 Texas.
00:39:29.000 Yeah.
00:39:30.000 Woo! 0.99
00:39:30.000 That's the best. 0.99
00:39:31.000 Yeah.
00:39:32.000 Australian.
00:39:32.000 I like Australian.
00:39:33.000 I like an Irish.
00:39:34.000 I like English.
00:39:35.000 I like Irish.
00:39:35.000 Australian women.
00:39:36.000 I've only had sex with two Australian women in my life, but both. 1.00
00:39:40.000 Stop bragging, bro. 0.99
00:39:41.000 But both.
00:39:43.000 This is what's going to get worse. 1.00
00:39:44.000 Both women individually requested that I cum on their face. 1.00
00:39:49.000 Wow. 1.00
00:39:49.000 So I don't know if that's an Australian thing. 1.00
00:39:51.000 Must be.
00:39:51.000 I'd have to call in if you're an Australian woman.
00:39:53.000 Must have something to do with the lack of sunscreen out there.
00:39:55.000 You know, they have a whole ozone layer.
00:39:57.000 That's true.
00:39:57.000 She's looking for a coating.
00:40:00.000 A hundred percent of Australian women, as far as I've tested, enjoy.
00:40:03.000 Like, a load in the mug.
00:40:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:40:05.000 Interesting.
00:40:06.000 Do you think if you were a girl, you'd like a guy to come in your face?
00:40:09.000 I've talked about this before. 1.00
00:40:11.000 I think if I was a girl, I would be a fucking wild animal. 1.00
00:40:14.000 Yeah, I would be cum in my eyes. 1.00
00:40:17.000 Because I'm a man, and I want to cum in my face, you know? 0.99
00:40:20.000 Yeah, so imagine. 1.00
00:40:23.000 Yeah, I think so.
00:40:24.000 I think I'd be just a...
00:40:26.000 Just running around.
00:40:27.000 Yeah.
00:40:28.000 Tramping it up. 0.99
00:40:29.000 All the dicks. 0.99
00:40:29.000 Giving everybody something. 0.99
00:40:31.000 Yeah.
00:40:31.000 Some kind of disease.
00:40:32.000 And I got stuff to give them, too.
00:40:33.000 Do you got a bunch of them?
00:40:35.000 Well, I had HPV. That goes away.
00:40:37.000 I got married.
00:40:37.000 How does it go away?
00:40:38.000 HPV goes away.
00:40:39.000 No.
00:40:40.000 You still have them.
00:40:40.000 It does.
00:40:41.000 You shoot a dirty load into someone, you can give it to them, still.
00:40:43.000 Well, I think, I believe, I could be, I could have got bad info from my ENT. I'm pretty sure you did.
00:40:49.000 I'm pretty sure you keep that shit for life. 1.00
00:40:50.000 Can we look this up over here? 1.00
00:40:52.000 I think HPV does go away if you stop having sexual intercourse with different people.
00:40:58.000 Oh, but I think it goes away for you, but I think it's still in your blood, and I think you can still give it to people.
00:41:05.000 Oh, interesting.
00:41:06.000 So don't be lying to people when you're shooting them. 0.99
00:41:08.000 Well, I only have sex with one person. 0.99
00:41:10.000 Oh, Jamie just put his finger up. 0.98
00:41:10.000 I knew it. 0.98
00:41:11.000 Just from the quick response.
00:41:14.000 In most cases, HPV goes away on its own.
00:41:16.000 It does not cause any health problems.
00:41:17.000 But when HPV does not go away, it causes health problems like genital warts and cancer.
00:41:23.000 A healthcare provider can usually diagnose warts by looking at the general area.
00:41:28.000 What?
00:41:28.000 A healthcare provider can usually diagnose warts by looking at them.
00:41:33.000 Yeah, you can also do that.
00:41:34.000 Comedians can also diagnose warts.
00:41:36.000 You can see warts. 1.00
00:41:36.000 You go, oh, that's a dick wart. 1.00
00:41:37.000 Interesting. 0.99
00:41:38.000 Yeah, I went to Planned Parenthood, who do more than abortions.
00:41:42.000 They'll take your warts right off. 0.99
00:41:43.000 They put a little thing on there and boom.
00:41:45.000 Here it says, there are currently no cure for existing HPV infection, but for most people, it would be cleared by their own immune system, and there are treatments available for the symptoms it can cause.
00:41:55.000 You can get the HPV vaccine.
00:41:57.000 Oh, they have a vaccine now.
00:41:58.000 That's only for young people, though.
00:41:59.000 We're too old.
00:42:00.000 Causes problems, apparently.
00:42:01.000 Causes problems?
00:42:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:42:02.000 What does it do?
00:42:03.000 I don't know exactly.
00:42:04.000 What does it do to you?
00:42:05.000 Don't lie.
00:42:05.000 I did not get it.
00:42:06.000 You got it, bro.
00:42:07.000 It just started giving it out recently, I think, in the last, like, maybe less than 10 years.
00:42:11.000 But you gotta be, yeah, you gotta get it, like, before you're 18 or something.
00:42:13.000 What does it make you really horny?
00:42:16.000 That'd be ideal, right?
00:42:17.000 I don't know.
00:42:18.000 If it cures it.
00:42:19.000 I guess, if it cures it.
00:42:20.000 But I had that, but so it does go away.
00:42:22.000 Did you ever hear about, there's a story about a drug called Re-Equip.
00:42:27.000 It was a medication for Parkinson's disease.
00:42:31.000 And GlaxoSmithKline lost a judgment in court. 0.99
00:42:35.000 I think it was in the tune of $600,000 American because it turned a guy into a gay sex and gambling addict. 1.00
00:42:45.000 All he wanted to do was hook up with guys online and gamble. 0.99
00:42:51.000 But listen, I know it sounds crazy, but they lost the lawsuit.
00:42:55.000 Like a pharmaceutical drug company lost the lawsuit and the jury awarded this guy more than a half a million dollars. 0.99
00:43:02.000 How did he prove that all he wants to do is fuck guys? 0.99
00:43:05.000 That's a good question. 1.00
00:43:06.000 But they did.
00:43:07.000 They proved it to the point where this guy won money because he never had any problems like this before.
00:43:14.000 Took his Parkinson's medication and it just short-circuited his brain. 1.00
00:43:18.000 He started sucking dick and rolling the dice. 1.00
00:43:20.000 I'm going to sue Starbucks. 1.00
00:43:21.000 I've been drinking their tea and now I want to get came on.
00:43:24.000 Come on. 0.99
00:43:26.000 They can't prove I don't want to be cummed on. 0.99
00:43:29.000 Something about their teeth. 0.99
00:43:30.000 It's not organic. 1.00
00:43:30.000 There's a fucking Roundup in their teeth. 1.00
00:43:33.000 Yeah, something's up, but I want some loads. 0.99
00:43:35.000 Well, they're starting to pass out lawsuits against glyphosate. 0.99
00:43:40.000 Speaking of that, Roundup, that fucking... 1.00
00:43:43.000 That shit, two billion dollars and another guy got five million? 1.00
00:43:47.000 Well, he needs a better lawyer, right? 1.00
00:43:50.000 Because his lawyer got him five million, the other people's lawyers got him billions.
00:43:55.000 What's the drug?
00:43:57.000 Oh, it's not a drug.
00:43:58.000 It's Roundup. 1.00
00:43:59.000 It's that weed killer shit, Monsanto weed killer. 1.00
00:44:03.000 Oh, I see. 1.00
00:44:03.000 Yeah, it gives people cancer. 1.00
00:44:05.000 And they're finally passing down these massive judgments against Monsanto.
00:44:10.000 Wow.
00:44:11.000 Yeah, the weight of it all.
00:44:12.000 See, Monsanto jury hits Monsanto with $2 billion judgment.
00:44:19.000 But there was that one, and then there was another one for five-plus million.
00:44:23.000 That guy's got to be pissed right now. 0.99
00:44:24.000 How the fuck did I only get five million? 0.99
00:44:26.000 Now, two billion, is that exact? 0.99
00:44:28.000 Or are they rounding up?
00:44:32.000 Hot dog.
00:44:34.000 Count it.
00:44:35.000 You should open with that tonight at the Improv.
00:44:37.000 I will.
00:44:38.000 On Hollywood.
00:44:39.000 Hey folks, you hear about this thing called Roundup?
00:44:42.000 Most people don't even know what it is.
00:44:44.000 It's like serious GMO haters.
00:44:47.000 They're people that are like super organic.
00:44:49.000 They don't want any pesticides in their food.
00:44:52.000 That's one thing that people need to understand if you're buying vegetables and you eat a lot of vegetables. 0.98
00:44:58.000 It's very good for you, but man, there is a lot of fucking pesticides out there. 0.97
00:45:04.000 This is what's bumming me out. 0.98
00:45:05.000 The more I do...
00:45:06.000 Because I always just ate garbage or whatever without thinking about it.
00:45:09.000 Now, the more research I do, the more...
00:45:12.000 I like to read health benefits of the food I'm eating while I'm eating it because it makes it feel like, oh, alright, I'm doing something good.
00:45:18.000 But then at the bottom of the page, if you eat too much broccoli, you'll shit your blood or whatever.
00:45:24.000 There's always something. 0.99
00:45:25.000 Or there's pesticides or whatever the fuck. 0.86
00:45:28.000 Oxalate. 0.98
00:45:31.000 Have you heard of a carnivore diet?
00:45:32.000 You heard of that?
00:45:34.000 Sort of.
00:45:35.000 I assume it's just meat?
00:45:36.000 It's just meat.
00:45:37.000 Just steak.
00:45:38.000 There's a lot of people that do it, and people with autoimmune issues have huge reactions, positive reactions.
00:45:45.000 Really?
00:45:45.000 Yeah, my friend, he was having a receding gum disorder.
00:45:49.000 Went away, and they say that that shit never goes away. 1.00
00:45:52.000 He lost 50 pounds. 1.00
00:45:54.000 Jordan Peterson.
00:45:56.000 He's on that carnivore diet.
00:45:58.000 He's been on it over a year.
00:45:59.000 Just got his blood work tested.
00:46:00.000 A lot of people are like, you shouldn't even recommend that.
00:46:02.000 It's so irresponsible.
00:46:04.000 There's arguments both ways, man.
00:46:06.000 There's arguments that eating only vegetables is irresponsible because large-scale agriculture is terrible for the environment.
00:46:12.000 It displaces all this wildlife and animals.
00:46:15.000 In most cases, they're using something to kill the weeds.
00:46:18.000 In most cases, they're using glyphosate or something like that.
00:46:22.000 Yeah, I mean, fruit to me is always, like, that's healthy, and then people are like, ah, there's sugar, and you're...
00:46:27.000 Yeah, there's fiber.
00:46:29.000 Fruit's fine.
00:46:30.000 There's nothing wrong with fruit.
00:46:31.000 It's like everything else. 0.99
00:46:32.000 If you eat too much fruit, if you eat, like, ten oranges, your body's like, what the fuck, bro? 0.98
00:46:36.000 But, like, if you drink orange juice, that's not good. 0.99
00:46:38.000 Because your body's like, where is all the fiber?
00:46:41.000 Like, what is this?
00:46:42.000 What are you doing to me?
00:46:43.000 Like, why are you making me drink this sugar water?
00:46:45.000 Yeah.
00:46:46.000 If you drink, like, a 12-ounce glass of orange juice, let's guess.
00:46:52.000 How many grams of sugar do you think is in a 12-ounce glass of orange juice?
00:46:56.000 I don't know.
00:46:57.000 I'm not good with this.
00:46:58.000 I would say, can you give me some scale?
00:47:00.000 Like, how much sugar is in a Coca-Cola?
00:47:02.000 I wish I knew. 1.00
00:47:03.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:47:04.000 500? 1.00
00:47:05.000 No, no, no.
00:47:06.000 Okay, here's a good scale.
00:47:07.000 Like, I saw one of those Gatorades, but not a Gatorade.
00:47:13.000 It was a smart drink. 0.99
00:47:16.000 That had some fucking flavor to it or something like that. 0.99
00:47:19.000 But it was 27 grams of sugar. 0.99
00:47:21.000 Okay. 1.00
00:47:21.000 I was like, Jesus, that's a lot of fucking sugar. 1.00
00:47:23.000 So I'd say orange juice is more than that. 0.99
00:47:25.000 Yeah, I would say it's got 35. I'd say 35. Okay.
00:47:28.000 I'll say 48. Damn, he's going crazy. 1.00
00:47:32.000 What do you say, Jamie? 0.99
00:47:34.000 For some reason, this thing won't do the math right, but in one ounce, there's 2.6, so times 12, it's roughly 30, because it's 24 times the 1, plus the 6, so something like that.
00:47:44.000 Some way 30, yeah, so around there.
00:47:47.000 Yeah, it's a lot of sugar.
00:47:48.000 So not 48, though?
00:47:49.000 No. 1.00
00:47:49.000 Fuck me. 1.00
00:47:50.000 Yeah, you're only supposed to, like, for a healthy diet, I think you're supposed to be limited to 100 grams of sugar a day, and that's for an active person. 1.00
00:47:59.000 Like, you really shouldn't fuck around with more than that. 0.97
00:48:01.000 Right. 0.98
00:48:01.000 Yeah, I feel like I'm finally reaching the age where food becomes a situation. 0.98
00:48:05.000 You gotta start to...
00:48:07.000 Yeah.
00:48:07.000 It's part of the problem, man.
00:48:09.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:48:10.000 As you get older, body starts to fucking fall apart on you, bro. 0.97
00:48:13.000 Yeah, my buddy, John Fish, who I mentioned earlier, he has a story about he went to his doctor, and his doctor was like, in your 30s, your body starts to break down, and in your 40s, your body starts to die. 0.98
00:48:24.000 Mm.
00:48:25.000 And he was waiting for him to smile or laugh, but he was just being serious. 1.00
00:48:29.000 Doctor's an asshole. 1.00
00:48:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:48:31.000 That doctor's wife right now is fucking her personal trainer, and that guy's super angry about it. 0.99
00:48:36.000 That's probably what's going on there. 1.00
00:48:38.000 Yeah, I think he's a bad guy. 0.99
00:48:39.000 He's a terrible guy. 0.68
00:48:40.000 Telling you that your body's dying. 1.00
00:48:42.000 Listen, I'm alive, bitch. 1.00
00:48:43.000 I'll fuck you up right now. 1.00
00:48:44.000 I'll kill you. 1.00
00:48:45.000 Yeah, good point. 1.00
00:48:45.000 Tell me I'm alive and I'm dying. 1.00
00:48:48.000 Good point. 1.00
00:48:48.000 Fuck that guy. 1.00
00:48:49.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:48:49.000 Shut up, doctor. 1.00
00:48:50.000 Dr. Dickwad. 1.00
00:48:52.000 What kind of doctor is that?
00:48:53.000 I don't know, but there must be some truth to that, though.
00:48:56.000 He specializes in negativity.
00:48:58.000 Yeah.
00:48:58.000 No, you're alive.
00:48:59.000 Does it work as good as it does when you're 20?
00:49:01.000 No. 1.00
00:49:02.000 Does your fucking car work as good when it has 100,000 miles on it? 1.00
00:49:05.000 No. 1.00
00:49:06.000 But I think what he's saying is that we're on the back...
00:49:09.000 Yeah.
00:49:09.000 The back end.
00:49:10.000 What he should have said is, duh.
00:49:11.000 Everybody knows that.
00:49:13.000 Right. 0.95
00:49:13.000 If you live to be 100 at 40, you're fucking halfway there, basically. 0.95
00:49:17.000 Yeah, good point. 0.76
00:49:18.000 And living to 100 is difficult.
00:49:20.000 Yeah, if you live to 100, man, you really did something.
00:49:23.000 Yeah.
00:49:24.000 And most people are not going to make that.
00:49:26.000 I'm going to start trying.
00:49:28.000 To make it a hundred?
00:49:29.000 I wish that there was a thing that showed you, when you're dying, what tipped it over.
00:49:34.000 Right, right.
00:49:35.000 Yeah, yeah, well they're like, you had one too many Cokes in 2007. Jerked off too many times.
00:49:39.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:49:40.000 They looked at all the time you jerked off. 0.91
00:49:41.000 Imagine if, like, here's an accounting, and every time you jerked, you'd be like, no! 0.78
00:49:45.000 I think about this all the time.
00:49:46.000 I wish we could do that because everything has all these stats now, you know, like baseball, whatever. 1.00
00:49:50.000 I wish you could have all the shits you've taken, how many times you've wiped your ass, how many times you've jerked off, how many times you've had sex. 1.00
00:49:57.000 Wouldn't it be fun to have all of those numbers? 1.00
00:50:00.000 It would.
00:50:00.000 Why can't your phone do that?
00:50:02.000 It should be able to.
00:50:03.000 Your phone tells you how many steps you go.
00:50:04.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:50:05.000 I use my phone to track how far I run.
00:50:07.000 Exactly.
00:50:07.000 So we should start doing...
00:50:08.000 I guess we could type it into our phone.
00:50:11.000 Yeah, you could.
00:50:11.000 You could add it up.
00:50:12.000 You could have like an app. 0.95
00:50:13.000 Every time you jerk off, you have to double tap it.
00:50:18.000 I feel like that would be a fun thing. 0.97
00:50:20.000 I think we just invented something.
00:50:21.000 Yeah, it could be a good app. 0.95
00:50:23.000 Like how many times you jerk off in a year? 0.99
00:50:25.000 Jamie, how many times do you think you jerk off? 1.00
00:50:26.000 I don't know.
00:50:27.000 I was just going to say the Apple Watch might know because last time I got an elliptical, it knew I was on the elliptical within two minutes.
00:50:32.000 It's like, oh, do you want to track this elliptical workout? 0.99
00:50:34.000 It's like, how the fuck? 0.97
00:50:35.000 You know that motion of the arm moving. 0.99
00:50:38.000 Is that what it is?
00:50:38.000 It's got to be because there's the...
00:50:41.000 You know, that's interesting, that MyZone's heart rate monitor thing that we were wearing for Sober October, that thing syncs up with my elliptical machine, and it shows the heart rate without me even holding onto the heart rate sensors.
00:50:51.000 That's just like Bluetooth, though.
00:50:52.000 That's pretty easy.
00:50:53.000 Right, but it did it without me asking it.
00:50:54.000 Yeah.
00:50:55.000 It just did it.
00:50:55.000 It's close.
00:50:56.000 Proximity.
00:50:57.000 I know, but it's pretty crazy that it did that.
00:50:59.000 I wonder what else it's connected to.
00:51:00.000 Dun, dun, dun. 1.00
00:51:01.000 The fucking government, man! 1.00
00:51:04.000 Dun, dun, dun. 1.00
00:51:06.000 Are you worried about your phone being tracked?
00:51:08.000 No.
00:51:09.000 No, for some reason I've never cared that much.
00:51:13.000 I know I should and people talk about it, like the government watching us and tracking all the information.
00:51:19.000 I'm too busy worried about dying and if people like me or not.
00:51:24.000 I just assume they are. 0.99
00:51:25.000 Yeah, I hate to sound like some fucking asshole that's like, oh, I'm not doing anything wrong, but it doesn't connect with me to be concerned about that. 1.00
00:51:37.000 Yeah, I don't think you sound like an asshole. 1.00
00:51:39.000 All right. 0.99
00:51:40.000 Well, some people are like, well, I'm not doing anything wrong.
00:51:42.000 We want to get the terrorists and blah, blah, blah. 1.00
00:51:44.000 Yeah, those people are assholes, though. 1.00
00:51:46.000 The people that say that, what do you care if you're not doing anything wrong? 1.00
00:51:50.000 That's how tyranny starts, you weak bitch. 1.00
00:51:52.000 Right. 1.00
00:51:53.000 Me? 1.00
00:51:54.000 Am I weak bitch? 1.00
00:51:54.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:51:55.000 That guy.
00:51:55.000 I appreciate that.
00:51:56.000 This fake guy we're talking about. 1.00
00:51:59.000 He needs to go get some fucking guns. 1.00
00:52:01.000 Stand up for America. 1.00
00:52:03.000 Venezuela?
00:52:03.000 See what's going on in Venezuela, bro?
00:52:05.000 They don't have any guns.
00:52:07.000 It's true, actually.
00:52:09.000 Yeah.
00:52:09.000 I mean, they're running over people in the street.
00:52:12.000 It's hard to get guns in the end.
00:52:13.000 That's another thing.
00:52:14.000 Sometimes things just don't.
00:52:16.000 Like, I'll see that story and be like, huh, Barrett.
00:52:19.000 And then I just move on.
00:52:20.000 You can't register everything.
00:52:22.000 There's no way.
00:52:22.000 You'll never get any thought done.
00:52:24.000 What's up, Jamie?
00:52:25.000 What do you got?
00:52:26.000 About the story of this guy in Holmby Hills, which is like the Beverly Hills area.
00:52:29.000 Oh, yeah.
00:52:30.000 I heard about that.
00:52:31.000 He had more than a thousand guns.
00:52:34.000 He was making some of them.
00:52:35.000 He was making them.
00:52:36.000 Not all of them.
00:52:37.000 But did he do anything, or did he just like guns?
00:52:41.000 I don't know.
00:52:42.000 Because if they decided to arrest me, if they decided to arrest me, and they said, Joe Rogan has five bows and 150 arrows. 0.99
00:52:50.000 Like, who the fuck is he planning on killing? 0.99
00:52:53.000 Right? 1.00
00:52:53.000 They could do that. 1.00
00:52:54.000 But those are more...
00:52:55.000 Firearm sales, I guess.
00:52:56.000 Those are less alarming numbers to me, though.
00:52:59.000 Bows? 0.92
00:53:00.000 150 arrows.
00:53:01.000 A thousand seems like a lot.
00:53:03.000 Yeah.
00:53:03.000 But I think it's one of those things.
00:53:04.000 You just get excited and you keep buying them.
00:53:06.000 Acting on a tip regarding illegal firearm sales.
00:53:09.000 Oh, okay.
00:53:09.000 So he's selling guns.
00:53:11.000 Guns were strewn throughout several of the home's rooms.
00:53:14.000 Authority said it took about 30 law enforcement personnel, more than 12 hours to remove all the weapons.
00:53:20.000 Goals...
00:53:21.000 Gun goals. 0.54
00:53:22.000 Photos and videos from the scene showed stacks of rifles.
00:53:25.000 I have a buddy of mine who has so many guns he doesn't know how many guns he has.
00:53:28.000 That's impressive. 0.98
00:53:29.000 That's like us with jerking off. 0.99
00:53:30.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99
00:53:32.000 Same thing. 0.99
00:53:32.000 He jerks off too though. 0.99
00:53:34.000 He's a real gun nut. 1.00
00:53:35.000 Like a legit gun nut.
00:53:36.000 Like he does long range shooting.
00:53:38.000 He enters into competitions and stuff where they shoot like, you know, they shoot out to like a thousand plus yards.
00:53:44.000 I try to understand, because I try to be a good, empathetic person. 1.00
00:53:48.000 I'm not a gun guy, and it's easy to be like, what do you need guns, you fucking maniac? 0.99
00:53:52.000 But then I'm like, I understand. 0.99
00:53:54.000 I had thousands of baseball cards.
00:53:56.000 I guess you get, they're not killing machines, but I guess you get into something, and then you're like, I want this gun, and then I want to try to get another gun.
00:54:01.000 And then you get addicted to the purchasing of things. 0.98
00:54:04.000 Yeah, there's that, but it's also fun to shoot them.
00:54:07.000 You go to a range.
00:54:08.000 Like, I went to a range with Duncan, Duncan Trussell, who's basically a Buddhist and probably one of the most peaceful people I've ever met in my life.
00:54:16.000 And super brilliant guy.
00:54:18.000 And he's like, this is so fun! 0.90
00:54:20.000 He fucking loved it. 0.99
00:54:21.000 We loved it. 1.00
00:54:21.000 We're just shooting pieces of paper, you know, out at the distance and clay pigeons and shit. 1.00
00:54:26.000 It's fun. 0.98
00:54:27.000 That seems like fun.
00:54:28.000 Yeah.
00:54:29.000 It's also sobering.
00:54:31.000 Like when you pull the trigger on a rifle, boom, and you see that bullet hit that paper, and you're like, that is, or metal, too.
00:54:39.000 You hear clink, you know, when you're shooting at something.
00:54:41.000 It's pretty instant, right?
00:54:43.000 Instant, yeah.
00:54:44.000 Yeah.
00:54:45.000 I mean, when you get to longer distances, it's kind of interesting, because you pull the trigger, boom, and then you hear, tink.
00:54:51.000 Like there's actually a lag time.
00:54:53.000 Right.
00:54:54.000 Boom, tink. 0.94
00:54:55.000 What kind of distance are we talking?
00:54:57.000 I've never shot anything further than like 400 yards, I think was the longest I shot anything at the range.
00:55:05.000 That's amazing.
00:55:06.000 Yeah, it's pretty long. 0.99
00:55:07.000 That's a fucking huge range. 0.98
00:55:09.000 Yeah, it's four football fields. 0.99
00:55:11.000 You have to set your scope for that, or at the very least you have to understand the drop of your bullet.
00:55:17.000 It's all about how fast your bullet's going.
00:55:20.000 If you had a pencil and a bullet, right, one in each hand and you dropped them both at the same time, they'll both fall exactly the same speed because it's the rate of gravity.
00:55:27.000 So it's all a matter of how fast the bullet gets to the target.
00:55:31.000 Right.
00:55:31.000 Because it's going to drop.
00:55:32.000 From the moment it comes out of the gun, it's dropping.
00:55:35.000 Right.
00:55:36.000 So it's how fast is it going there is going to tell you how far it's going to drop.
00:55:41.000 So if you know that, you set that You can use ballistics, an application.
00:55:48.000 You take that ballistics information, you put it into your phone, like 400 yards, 115 grains, whatever your bullet is, you know, 300 wind mag, whatever it is.
00:55:58.000 You enter all that stuff in, and then it'll tell you exactly what to do on your scope, and then you turn it, and then bink, it'll go right in the center.
00:56:05.000 Wow.
00:56:06.000 Yeah, that's what those long-range dorks, they love it. 1.00
00:56:09.000 They love it.
00:56:09.000 They love shooting things that are really, really, really far.
00:56:12.000 I think they're called snipers.
00:56:13.000 Well, that's kind of it.
00:56:14.000 Yeah, but they're not really snipers.
00:56:16.000 A lot of them are civilians.
00:56:17.000 Oh, they're just like...
00:56:18.000 They just have long-range competitions.
00:56:20.000 Wow.
00:56:20.000 Yeah, it's crazy.
00:56:21.000 They have, like, a guy will be there with, like, super high-powered binoculars, like, you know, fucking big-ass scope binoculars. 0.99
00:56:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:56:29.000 And they're like, high left! 0.99
00:56:31.000 And then they'll, like, calibrate.
00:56:33.000 Low right! 0.99
00:56:34.000 And they'll calibrate.
00:56:35.000 They're just trying to, like, figure out.
00:56:37.000 Like that film Jarhead.
00:56:39.000 Did you see that movie?
00:56:40.000 I did not.
00:56:41.000 Oh, it's good.
00:56:42.000 Isn't that Jake Gyllenhaal?
00:56:44.000 Jake Gyllenhaal.
00:56:45.000 I love Jake Gyllenhaal.
00:56:47.000 I do too.
00:56:47.000 That's someone I would like to come on my face.
00:56:49.000 Did you see when he was in that movie when he played a boxer and he got super ripped?
00:56:52.000 I did not see that movie, but someone next to me in the plane was watching it, so I saw without hearing it.
00:56:57.000 Did you get hard?
00:56:58.000 I didn't, no.
00:57:00.000 Go look up J. Cole in Hall.
00:57:04.000 It was called...
00:57:05.000 Southpaw.
00:57:06.000 Yes.
00:57:07.000 Yeah.
00:57:08.000 He got super shredded.
00:57:09.000 Yeah, he was a great actor.
00:57:11.000 Come on, son.
00:57:12.000 Yeah, that's something. 0.99
00:57:13.000 That is fucking jacked. 0.99
00:57:15.000 I mean, that is about as shredded as a man gets. 0.99
00:57:17.000 That guy worked hard to get that body. 1.00
00:57:19.000 No, he's amazing.
00:57:20.000 He's great.
00:57:22.000 Zodiac is one of my favorite movies.
00:57:23.000 Brokeback Mountain, I love.
00:57:24.000 And what's the one with Nightcrawler.
00:57:27.000 And then Prisoners was great, too.
00:57:28.000 I love that movie.
00:57:29.000 Yeah, he's been in a bunch of great movies.
00:57:30.000 He's an interesting cat.
00:57:32.000 He's good.
00:57:33.000 Yeah, there's certain people that you just want to see them act.
00:57:36.000 Isn't that weird?
00:57:37.000 Yes.
00:57:38.000 You know, like they just, they have a thing.
00:57:41.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:57:41.000 And then certain people that you're like, enough of this fucking guy. 0.99
00:57:44.000 Yeah, there's some people that are famous actors that you're like, how did this guy get in? 0.98
00:57:48.000 I don't understand what- Drop some names, Nicolas Cage.
00:57:50.000 Who decided, well, I'm afraid this podcast is too big.
00:57:52.000 These people could be listening.
00:57:54.000 Could be.
00:57:54.000 But yeah, that's why- Some people gotta sacrifice.
00:57:56.000 There's a couple guys whose name I don't know, but I just see him and then like my wife will just, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was in this.
00:58:01.000 And I'm like, thank you.
00:58:02.000 There's a couple actors that you're like, this guy sucks and he's just a guy, I don't get it.
00:58:07.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:58:08.000 But most of them are...
00:58:09.000 I feel like most people that are doing well are pretty good at acting.
00:58:12.000 Well, that's what we would hope.
00:58:14.000 See, this is the thing that I hope comes out of this whole Me Too movement besides these criminals getting busted is that it changes the whole... 0.99
00:58:24.000 It's like there's a sort of the way thing there's an ecosystem out here and I've seen it with women too like there was a woman casting agent that I knew that fucked all these men and would get them parts and she was gross and she was really aggressive She tried to fuck my buddy. 1.00
00:58:40.000 She tried to fuck two of my buddies Oh, wow. 1.00
00:58:42.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:58:43.000 She sounds nice to me.
00:58:44.000 I kind of like her. 0.95
00:58:45.000 Foul.
00:58:46.000 All right.
00:58:46.000 Bad breath.
00:58:48.000 Everything's wrong.
00:58:48.000 Okay.
00:58:49.000 All right.
00:58:49.000 I'll take your word for it.
00:58:50.000 This is a long time ago.
00:58:50.000 She's probably dead.
00:58:51.000 She probably got HPV and just died. 0.99
00:58:53.000 It didn't go away.
00:58:54.000 Yeah, it didn't go away.
00:58:56.000 But I mean, I've seen it.
00:58:57.000 I've seen aggressive women. 1.00
00:58:59.000 It's not as many, obviously, but that people would be judged on their merits because it's...
00:59:04.000 And not just...
00:59:06.000 See, it's not...
00:59:07.000 Out here, like when you're acting and trying to audition, it's not just sexual favors.
00:59:12.000 It's also...
00:59:14.000 Political leanings and they'll ask you questions about things.
00:59:19.000 Everyone falls in line with whatever the ideology that you're supposed to adopt in order to be accepted by this community.
00:59:28.000 So they're really looking for people to say the right things and do the right things.
00:59:34.000 It's not a coincidence that everyone in Hollywood is progressive, that everyone in Hollywood is super liberal and super left-wing.
00:59:42.000 It's an act.
00:59:44.000 For a lot of them. 1.00
00:59:45.000 For a good percentage of people out here, it's a fucking act. 0.99
00:59:48.000 Right. 0.99
00:59:48.000 It's a thing that gets you attention and credit. 0.99
00:59:52.000 But couldn't it be part of it?
00:59:53.000 I mean, I don't disagree.
00:59:54.000 But I do think a lot of people that are naturally artistic, they become open-minded, and then they end up going to places where they're very diverse.
01:00:02.000 And part of...
01:00:03.000 Becoming progressive, I think, is meeting a lot of these people that are, you know, gay people and Muslim people and trans people, and then you go, oh, these people are just like me, blah, blah, blah.
01:00:12.000 I'm progressive.
01:00:13.000 For sure.
01:00:13.000 Yeah, there's that, too.
01:00:14.000 That's gotta be part of it.
01:00:15.000 There's that, too.
01:00:16.000 But there's such a prevalence of fake humans that you gotta realize that, like, most of these people have no opinions.
01:00:24.000 They're not real opinions.
01:00:25.000 Like, what they're doing is they're just sort of spouting out this predetermined pattern of behavior that they feel like would be accepted.
01:00:32.000 Yes.
01:00:33.000 Oh, for sure.
01:00:34.000 And I think, yeah, it's set up that way.
01:00:37.000 Yeah.
01:00:37.000 Like you said, I mean, I'm basically just saying what you just said.
01:00:39.000 Well, they just want it so bad.
01:00:42.000 They want it so bad.
01:00:44.000 Yeah.
01:00:45.000 Well, that's the danger of being motivated by fame and success.
01:00:50.000 Yeah.
01:00:50.000 It's so bad.
01:00:51.000 That's where I think what helps a lot of comedians is it starts off, the seed is not fame or fortune.
01:00:58.000 It's like, I want to be as funny as I want to bring as much joy to the audience as I can.
01:01:02.000 And so as long as you can keep that, you end up being a...
01:01:06.000 A pretty decent person and a good artist. 0.99
01:01:08.000 Yeah, you just want to kill. 0.90
01:01:09.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:01:10.000 The thing about, there's some traps in that too, right?
01:01:13.000 And this is one of the traps that leads to people stealing material, is that you just want to kill. 0.97
01:01:18.000 You want to kill.
01:01:19.000 You want to feel that feeling. 1.00
01:01:22.000 Right.
01:01:22.000 So you want it.
01:01:23.000 It's not that you want the audience to have it.
01:01:26.000 It's like you want to kill.
01:01:27.000 Right. 0.96
01:01:28.000 And the way you kill is they have a great time.
01:01:30.000 But you will do that at any cost.
01:01:33.000 So you take other people's work and try to pawn it off as your own.
01:01:37.000 You pretend to be someone you're not.
01:01:39.000 Right.
01:01:39.000 So they'll like you more.
01:01:40.000 So you'll kill louder.
01:01:41.000 I'm afraid someone's going to take this clip where you keep saying you and it's just showing me being like, I'm sorry.
01:01:46.000 Someone's definitely going to do that.
01:01:47.000 This is like Colin Quinn used to have that old joke.
01:01:49.000 He's like, no one tells you the story and they use you as...
01:01:52.000 He's like, you're telling me you sleep with kids, and you think that's okay? 0.87
01:01:56.000 And he's like, not me, I'm not the guy.
01:01:58.000 But yeah, that...
01:01:59.000 That is a weird thing that people do.
01:02:01.000 The desire to kill.
01:02:02.000 So you're telling me you think it's okay to rob old ladies? 0.97
01:02:04.000 Yeah, and there's people walking by. 0.99
01:02:05.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.98
01:02:06.000 I didn't say that. 1.00
01:02:07.000 No, I know you didn't say that.
01:02:08.000 Yeah, but they don't hear that part. 1.00
01:02:10.000 These fucking guys who rob old ladies. 1.00
01:02:13.000 But yeah, that definitely is... 1.00
01:02:15.000 But I try to be in tune with that too, like in a...
01:02:19.000 A meditative way of that, like, because you get so, as a comedian, you get so obsessed with just, like, the sound of killing and wanting to kill that you forget that they're actually a group of human beings.
01:02:28.000 Right, right, right.
01:02:28.000 And then you're like, you are, the goal is to Bring joy to the people that you're actually trying to get laughs and trying to feel the joy of providing joy.
01:02:40.000 As opposed to just like, if I kill, I'll get on TV and if I get on TV, I can pitch my show.
01:02:45.000 I try to kind of organically walk it back to the room in the moment of...
01:02:50.000 Making these people here laugh.
01:02:51.000 That's a great attitude.
01:02:52.000 But I think New York is better in that regard in that there's not really a lot of industry.
01:02:58.000 Right. 0.80
01:02:58.000 It's really just about killing. 0.80
01:03:00.000 It's just about being funny. 0.88
01:03:01.000 Yeah.
01:03:01.000 About doing well.
01:03:02.000 It feels like a lot of the motivation in New York is to kill so you'll get more seller spots the next week. 0.71
01:03:08.000 Yes. 0.97
01:03:09.000 As opposed to, I'll kill so I can get in the room with TruTV or whatever. 0.74
01:03:14.000 Right, right, right, right.
01:03:15.000 Yeah, you don't want that.
01:03:17.000 I'm hoping that goes away, and I think it is.
01:03:19.000 That's one thing that's kind of reinvigorated the Los Angeles scene is actually the death of jobs, believe it or not.
01:03:26.000 There's no jobs for comedians anymore other than being a comedian.
01:03:31.000 And also, because of podcasts and the internet, because people can put their clips up on YouTube and because people can do things on the internet, the really important stuff for your career is no longer held by these gatekeepers,
01:03:47.000 like the network executives that are constantly...
01:03:49.000 They're never there anyway.
01:03:51.000 If you get a show approved by a network executive, there's a real good shot that in six months that person won't be there anymore.
01:03:58.000 Right, right.
01:03:59.000 Real good shot.
01:04:00.000 Yeah, that's like that.
01:04:01.000 It feels like in the whole industry.
01:04:03.000 So many bookers, in comedy starting out, you try to impress this booker or get in with them or you're kind of hanging out and having a beer.
01:04:09.000 And then next thing you know, they're in accounting.
01:04:11.000 They're not even in the business anymore.
01:04:14.000 The good thing about today, though, is there's more camaraderie amongst comedians than ever before.
01:04:20.000 And there's more support amongst comedians because comedians do each other's podcasts.
01:04:24.000 And on the podcast, you'll talk about each other. 0.96
01:04:27.000 Sometimes it's bad like how we're shitting on Ari Shafir because I'm fucking really tired of Ari. 1.00
01:04:32.000 Aren't you? 0.99
01:04:34.000 I'm not.
01:04:36.000 You've known him a lot longer.
01:04:37.000 I love him.
01:04:38.000 I'm just kidding.
01:04:40.000 But I mean it's sometimes it is bad though if someone gets exposed if someone you know like someone does piss you off or someone is doing something unethical and you find out about it through a podcast but for the most part most comedians in these podcasts are being like super supportive and Yeah,
01:04:56.000 no, it's the best.
01:04:57.000 I mean, I think most things I've gotten in my career are from other comedians.
01:05:02.000 Yeah.
01:05:02.000 At this point, yeah, I think that's real normal.
01:05:05.000 And it's normal East Coast and West Coast.
01:05:07.000 And it didn't used to be like that.
01:05:09.000 There wasn't this, like, really super supportive community out there anymore.
01:05:12.000 But there wasn't always...
01:05:13.000 I think it's the podcast thing.
01:05:14.000 I really do, because so many people have podcasts now.
01:05:17.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:05:17.000 Well, it's also contagious when someone does so much for you and brings you on the road and buys you lunch and tweets your shit. 1.00
01:05:24.000 You're like, oh, I want to do that for somebody. 0.99
01:05:26.000 And so then it keeps propelling forward.
01:05:28.000 It's a good feeling.
01:05:29.000 It's nice to be nice to the nice.
01:05:31.000 Yeah.
01:05:31.000 It's a great feeling.
01:05:32.000 And you really get to know...
01:05:34.000 Ari's podcast is one of my favorite podcasts because you get to know him in his podcast.
01:05:40.000 He'll do an intro that's 40 minutes long for a conversation. 0.99
01:05:44.000 And it's him stoned, wandering around his apartment, cooking salmon and talking about it and talking about this and that and something that sucks and this is stupid and that's great. 1.00
01:05:55.000 You get to hear him. 1.00
01:05:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:05:59.000 No, Ari's a special, not to sound like a fucking fruitcake, but he's a special human being. 0.98
01:06:04.000 I love that guy. 0.98
01:06:05.000 You know what I love about him more than anything?
01:06:08.000 Well, I love a lot of things about him, but he figured out Who he was and got successful. 0.92
01:06:16.000 And when he got successful, he gave zero fucks.
01:06:19.000 Once he got successful, he's like, okay, I've got a couple hundred thousand dollars in the bank. 1.00
01:06:23.000 You can all suck my ass. 1.00
01:06:25.000 And he doesn't compromise anything. 1.00
01:06:29.000 Yeah, and he takes care of people in a way that I'm like, I'm concerned about your finance.
01:06:34.000 Like, he'll do a show and split the door evenly with everybody.
01:06:37.000 And I'm like, you're...
01:06:40.000 You should take the money.
01:06:41.000 You sold it out.
01:06:42.000 You hosted the show.
01:06:43.000 You produced the show.
01:06:44.000 Like, I've done his storytelling show, and he's like, here's $860.
01:06:47.000 And I told, like, an eight-minute story and didn't even do great.
01:06:50.000 I'm like, ah, I'm sorry, that sucked.
01:06:52.000 He's like, whatever, here's $900.
01:06:54.000 And you're like, okay.
01:06:55.000 Like, you could have paid me a hundred bucks.
01:06:56.000 It's like a Tuesday, and I would have blown you.
01:07:00.000 But that's the way he is.
01:07:01.000 As long as you come in my face, right?
01:07:02.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:07:03.000 I'm not going to swallow that, Joe Lode. 0.97
01:07:07.000 But then I've produced a show with him, we did a show together, and that's when it fucks you, the splitting the money, where I'm like, I don't want to fucking split the money. 0.98
01:07:14.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00
01:07:15.000 That does fuck you, especially if it's your show. 1.00
01:07:18.000 But no, he's a great guy. 1.00
01:07:19.000 We just went out and hiked in Mount Zion.
01:07:23.000 Is that Utah?
01:07:24.000 Zion National.
01:07:25.000 I might have made the Mount part up.
01:07:27.000 Zion National Forest?
01:07:28.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:07:29.000 I don't know.
01:07:29.000 There's a mountain vault.
01:07:30.000 Is that Utah?
01:07:31.000 In Utah, yeah.
01:07:32.000 But he like paid for the Airbnb. 1.00
01:07:33.000 Isn't that the crazy place where all the fucking has the wild like rock formations and shit? 0.99
01:07:38.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:07:38.000 Is that what I'm thinking about? 1.00
01:07:39.000 Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
01:07:41.000 Yeah.
01:07:41.000 But he got this like Airbnb that was like seven bedrooms and a hot tub and he paid for the whole thing.
01:07:47.000 Damn. 0.99
01:07:48.000 And then I got this reflux thing. 0.99
01:07:49.000 So he made all this special food just for me.
01:07:51.000 Is that you guys?
01:07:52.000 That's us right there.
01:07:53.000 That's Mike Vecchione and my wife, Sarah Talamash, and myself. 0.98
01:07:56.000 Did you see any mountain lions or any crazy shit when you're out there? 0.98
01:07:59.000 We saw nothing crazy. 0.99
01:08:01.000 I mean, it was beautiful and amazing, but nothing insane.
01:08:04.000 That was beautiful.
01:08:05.000 That was the house he got.
01:08:06.000 Nice Airbnb.
01:08:07.000 It's like a retreat for all these crazy drums in there and big fireplace, indoor, outdoor.
01:08:14.000 It was pretty unbelievable. 0.98
01:08:15.000 You know the weird thing about Airbnbs is you find like little fucking webcams where people are watching you 24-7. 0.99
01:08:21.000 Wow, that's the backyard? 0.99
01:08:22.000 That's the back porch, yeah. 1.00
01:08:24.000 Fuck! 1.00
01:08:25.000 That view is amazing! 1.00
01:08:26.000 Holy shit! 0.99
01:08:28.000 And then the next day my wife and I drove to Sunnyvale, California. 0.99
01:08:31.000 We all said goodbye.
01:08:32.000 I was going to do Rooster Teeth Feathers. 0.99
01:08:33.000 And we went to the mall to eat and all of our shit got rough. 0.97
01:08:38.000 Everything I'm wearing, everything she's wearing is stolen. 0.98
01:08:41.000 We had this big meditative Zion hiking three days together. 0.99
01:08:45.000 You just feel like, man, fucking life, bro. 0.99
01:08:48.000 And then we went to the Cheesecake Factory. 1.00
01:08:50.000 I was starving.
01:08:51.000 I'm like, I gotta eat something.
01:08:52.000 And we came out and 100% of our luggage and computers were stolen.
01:08:56.000 Out of your car?
01:08:56.000 Yeah, which I guess is an epidemic in the, uh, what's that called?
01:09:00.000 Silicon Valley.
01:09:01.000 Really?
01:09:01.000 Huge, San Jose, San Francisco, to the point where the cops were like, oh yeah, alright, take care.
01:09:07.000 Did they break into your car? 0.95
01:09:09.000 I guess they went into the trunk, but I thought maybe I didn't lock the door, but a bunch of people have tweeted at me saying they have, like, fucking decoder things. 0.97
01:09:18.000 They can just get into cars now. 0.99
01:09:20.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:09:20.000 And they prey on rental cars, because they know you have suitcases and shit. 1.00
01:09:24.000 They see that little no smoking thing? 0.99
01:09:26.000 That's a thing in Silicon Valley?
01:09:28.000 Yeah, so that after that happened we noticed every restaurant would go to would see at least like one business guy with a Eating with a suitcase next to him. 1.00
01:09:34.000 We're like you got to bring your shit inside It was brutal Silicon Valley is a weird spot because you have all these really rich people and then you have a fucking army of homeless folks. 0.95
01:09:46.000 Yeah, I mean that feels like America And getting more and more that way. 0.99
01:09:50.000 Somebody was telling me this, Jamie, find out if this is true, because someone was telling me that there's a woman that I know that lives out here, and she was saying that they bused people, bused them in from other cities.
01:10:02.000 They take their homeless people and give them one-way tickets to Los Angeles.
01:10:05.000 I heard that with Hawaii.
01:10:07.000 Is that what you said?
01:10:07.000 No.
01:10:08.000 Oh, I heard that happens in Hawaii.
01:10:10.000 They fly them to Los Angeles.
01:10:11.000 That's a good move.
01:10:12.000 If you're in Hawaii... 1.00
01:10:13.000 Good luck getting a ticket back, you fuck. 1.00
01:10:15.000 Yeah, but it's a... 1.00
01:10:16.000 But if you bus them, they can always get back.
01:10:18.000 Yeah.
01:10:18.000 They're on the same piece of ground.
01:10:20.000 Right.
01:10:20.000 It's not as effective.
01:10:22.000 That's a good point.
01:10:22.000 They should fly them to Hawaii.
01:10:24.000 That's what LA should do.
01:10:25.000 Send them back, yeah.
01:10:26.000 Yeah, save a lot of money.
01:10:27.000 And I think that's like...
01:10:28.000 Get a few jumbo jets.
01:10:29.000 Get one of them A-37s that tends to crash.
01:10:31.000 And make it a... 0.99
01:10:32.000 I think you should make it a night, like a fucking private, like a Air Force One with his food and foot massager. 0.98
01:10:40.000 And then they're like, oh, wow, this is going to be great. 0.98
01:10:42.000 And then you're like, no, it ain't.
01:10:43.000 Yeah, you fly him into Molokai.
01:10:45.000 That's that island that they used to send the lepers. 1.00
01:10:47.000 So there's an article I just found that was done by The Guardian in 2017. Seems like a pretty long, in-depth article.
01:10:54.000 It doesn't say they're being bussed specifically to Los Angeles, but this one, the example they're giving is a ticket purchased to this guy by the city of San Francisco, and I think this was sending him to Indianapolis.
01:11:07.000 So he went 2,300 miles the other way.
01:11:10.000 How weird is that?
01:11:12.000 That should be so illegal to not take care of your homeless problem but rather to send them.
01:11:17.000 He traveled 2,275 miles over three days to reach his destination in Indianapolis and then freeze to death.
01:11:25.000 Imagine you go from San Francisco to Indianapolis and you don't have the proper footwear. 0.97
01:11:28.000 That sucks.
01:11:29.000 Cities have been offering homeless people free bus tickets to relocate elsewhere for at least three decades. 0.98
01:11:35.000 What?
01:11:36.000 That is gross.
01:11:37.000 Well, if you're just offering them a ticket, that's not so bad.
01:11:42.000 Until now, there's never been a systematic nationwide assessment of the consequences.
01:11:45.000 Where are these people being moved to?
01:11:47.000 What is the impact those programs are having on the cities that send and the cities that receive them?
01:11:52.000 And what happens to these homeless people after they reach their destination?
01:11:56.000 Well, the best example of that was that Wild Wild Country documentary.
01:12:00.000 Did you watch that?
01:12:00.000 Yeah, I did.
01:12:01.000 I mean, they took over a fucking town with homeless folks. 1.00
01:12:03.000 Yeah, that was one of those ones. 0.99
01:12:04.000 Every cult thing I watched, the first half hour, I'm like, this seems pretty nice.
01:12:09.000 I'm kind of into this.
01:12:10.000 Yeah, I want to join.
01:12:10.000 Yeah, yeah, this sounds kind of awesome.
01:12:12.000 And then slowly you're like, oh, maybe it's on.
01:12:14.000 Ah, they're poisoning people. 1.00
01:12:15.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:12:16.000 Even the Scientology was like that. 1.00
01:12:18.000 I was watching like a half hour and I was like, I kind of am into this religion.
01:12:21.000 Which one?
01:12:22.000 Going Clear?
01:12:23.000 The HBO? The Lawrence Wright one?
01:12:24.000 Alex Gibney, I think, maybe.
01:12:26.000 Yeah, it's Lawrence Wright's book, Going Clear.
01:12:29.000 The book is even more bizarre because it gets, obviously, way more into depth about how crazy L. Ron Hubbard was and what he essentially did and how he started this whole thing.
01:12:39.000 He was self-analyzing. 0.99
01:12:41.000 He was trying to heal himself because he was fucking crazy. 0.99
01:12:44.000 And along the way, he got really into psychology and self-help books. 0.99
01:12:48.000 He was quoted saying, if you want to make real money, you start a religion, and then started a religion.
01:12:54.000 Yeah, well, he's not wrong.
01:12:56.000 He was right.
01:12:56.000 Yeah, he did all right.
01:12:58.000 Watch this graphic that they used on here.
01:13:00.000 I have to scroll down and make it activate, but it shows their data showing all these homeless people getting sent around the country.
01:13:07.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:13:08.000 And it shows them just like those little dots getting moved around.
01:13:10.000 So they're sending them from Los Angeles and New York primarily.
01:13:14.000 Look at that.
01:13:15.000 Little loads.
01:13:15.000 Little sperms.
01:13:16.000 By year.
01:13:16.000 I can't show the whole graphics because we can't see it.
01:13:18.000 That is crazy!
01:13:20.000 Yeah, it's like...
01:13:21.000 What is that burst?
01:13:22.000 Is that burst from...
01:13:23.000 Is that Southern California?
01:13:25.000 Right here, yeah.
01:13:25.000 It looks like San Francisco.
01:13:26.000 San Francisco would be up here.
01:13:28.000 This would be LA and like San Diego.
01:13:30.000 But Florida seems to have the most.
01:13:31.000 It started in Florida.
01:13:32.000 This graphic starts down in Florida.
01:13:34.000 Wow.
01:13:35.000 Well, that makes sense.
01:13:36.000 It's warm.
01:13:37.000 The hurricanes, I think, too, was around that time period when they got smashed in 2010. Oh, yeah.
01:13:40.000 I like the idea of all the ones passing each other, though.
01:13:42.000 Like, there's two homeless guys passing each other like ships in the night.
01:13:45.000 Here's where you don't see them land.
01:13:46.000 Texas. 0.99
01:13:47.000 Texas doesn't give a fuck. 1.00
01:13:48.000 They'll just shoot you. 1.00
01:13:51.000 They'll shoot you. 0.99
01:13:51.000 They have a hole for homeless people like they have out in the desert. 0.99
01:13:55.000 Why not like Wyoming?
01:13:56.000 They don't have enough people up there anyways.
01:13:58.000 It's cold.
01:13:58.000 It's bears.
01:13:59.000 It's fucking hard to live up there. 0.99
01:14:01.000 They're just not interested in taking in your homeless. 0.98
01:14:05.000 Yeah, it's a, you know, by the time you get to be a certain age and you're homeless, I guess you just have to accept the fact that this is just life.
01:14:13.000 This is the life you've, you know.
01:14:15.000 Yeah, it seems unpleasant.
01:14:17.000 I enjoy having a home, personally.
01:14:19.000 Me too.
01:14:20.000 I like it.
01:14:21.000 I recommend it.
01:14:21.000 Yeah, I like going in there.
01:14:22.000 I recommend one with a lock.
01:14:24.000 Yeah, that's the best.
01:14:25.000 So you could sleep?
01:14:27.000 Yeah.
01:14:28.000 Do you like living in New York?
01:14:29.000 I love it, yeah.
01:14:30.000 But I'm on the road so much that it's ideal.
01:14:33.000 Where I'm like, I'm never home for really more than like 10 days, which with New York is ideal.
01:14:37.000 You ever think about moving out here?
01:14:39.000 Not really.
01:14:40.000 I mean, yeah, the answer is yes, but I don't think I will.
01:14:42.000 Because I'm like a road dog.
01:14:44.000 So LA is tough because you're behind the eight ball with the time.
01:14:47.000 Like most...
01:14:48.000 You're three hours behind most of the markets.
01:14:50.000 Oh, for flights?
01:14:51.000 Yeah, so you gotta get up at like 6am or leave the day before.
01:14:54.000 And I like the Comedy Cellar.
01:14:55.000 I like being there.
01:14:56.000 I like doing those like quality spots and you can kind of do multiple.
01:15:00.000 My family's in New England.
01:15:01.000 I like going home to see them.
01:15:03.000 Do you work when you're in New England as well?
01:15:05.000 Yeah, I do.
01:15:06.000 What do you do, like Laugh Boston?
01:15:07.000 I do Laugh Boston.
01:15:07.000 It's a great spot.
01:15:08.000 Yeah, it's cool.
01:15:09.000 Yeah, I'm there at some point.
01:15:10.000 November, like Thanksgiving or something. 0.99
01:15:11.000 There used to be a hundred fucking comedy clubs in Boston. 0.98
01:15:14.000 There used to be so many, and now there's just Laugh Boston. 0.99
01:15:17.000 And like, what else?
01:15:18.000 There's the Wilbur.
01:15:19.000 Yeah, the Wilbur.
01:15:20.000 Nick's Comedy Stop is still around.
01:15:22.000 Nick's is still around, yeah.
01:15:23.000 That's crazy that that place is still around.
01:15:25.000 Yeah, that's been there forever, but...
01:15:27.000 I used to work there 30 years ago.
01:15:30.000 That's amazing.
01:15:31.000 I worked there 18 years ago.
01:15:33.000 That's crazy.
01:15:34.000 Yeah.
01:15:36.000 But yeah, the comedy connection was like my home.
01:15:39.000 We did that in Faneuil Hall, right?
01:15:40.000 Yeah, that was amazing.
01:15:41.000 Is that where you started?
01:15:42.000 Yeah, I didn't start.
01:15:43.000 I started a place called Chop's Lounge, which was like a true open mic, where it was like street people and fucking people that had been bussed in from San Francisco.
01:15:52.000 It was like a sign up and go on, and there'd be like a mixture of comics and then just weirdos and So I started there, and then I went, eventually the Comedy Connection, I started working there.
01:16:03.000 But that's where I first started opening for people and doing like real comedy work.
01:16:06.000 And it kind of spawned from there.
01:16:08.000 You know, I mean, it's weird for us, but you know who it's really weird for?
01:16:12.000 It's really weird if you try to like do open mics and you're like a singer.
01:16:19.000 Yeah, I don't know how that works.
01:16:21.000 It doesn't work well.
01:16:23.000 It works terrible.
01:16:24.000 Yeah.
01:16:25.000 There was comics that would go to like music open mics.
01:16:28.000 I mean, there are music open mics, right?
01:16:30.000 I guess.
01:16:30.000 I went to a poetry slam open mic once.
01:16:33.000 I've been to comedy shows that feel like poetry slams.
01:16:37.000 Well, in New York you get a lot of that now, right?
01:16:39.000 Where you're just like, what? 0.53
01:16:40.000 I heard there's a lot of like really ridiculous sort of like woke comedy being performed.
01:16:48.000 Yeah, definitely.
01:16:48.000 There's a thing where it's now become oddly hacky.
01:16:52.000 They don't realize that you're like, well, this is now hack.
01:16:56.000 Right.
01:16:56.000 Where you're like, ah, Trump or white male privilege, which I'm like, yeah, I understand.
01:17:01.000 It's an issue.
01:17:01.000 But you're like, seven other comics started their sentence with that same thing.
01:17:06.000 But they might be able to say that about me, saying sex jokes or whatever. 0.95
01:17:08.000 White male privilege is only a problem because of racism. 0.78
01:17:14.000 And because of sexism. 0.93
01:17:15.000 If racism and sexism are out of the picture, it's not your fault. 0.92
01:17:20.000 It's not your fault that you're a white male. 0.73
01:17:22.000 The problem is that some people are not white males. 0.92
01:17:25.000 If you're a black woman and you encounter prejudice everywhere you go and discrimination everywhere you go, the problem is the discrimination. 0.96
01:17:31.000 It's not Joe List being a white male. 1.00
01:17:33.000 They've fucked the whole thing up. 0.99
01:17:35.000 Because they've really created resistance where there should be none.
01:17:38.000 Because you've made people perpetrators when they've done nothing wrong.
01:17:41.000 Like, you just were born a white male. 0.66
01:17:43.000 You got unlucky the same way, or you got lucky, I should say.
01:17:47.000 Depending on your perspective. 0.97
01:17:48.000 Yeah, I mean, they didn't ask to be born a black woman. 0.99
01:17:50.000 Someone didn't ask to be born a Polynesian man. 0.93
01:17:53.000 You are who you are.
01:17:54.000 You are.
01:17:55.000 The real problem is people that care. 1.00
01:17:57.000 The people that look at you and go, oh, it's a fucking white man. 1.00
01:18:00.000 Great. 1.00
01:18:01.000 That's what I want. 0.83
01:18:02.000 The opinion of another white man.
01:18:03.000 Like, that is the real problem.
01:18:05.000 The real problem is, that's sexism.
01:18:07.000 That is racism.
01:18:09.000 Right.
01:18:09.000 And they don't even think it is because they think you're white and you have white privilege.
01:18:13.000 But you're discriminating based on something that someone has zero control over.
01:18:17.000 I agree. 1.00
01:18:18.000 It's fucking horse shit! 1.00
01:18:20.000 Yeah, it's a bummer. 1.00
01:18:21.000 I'm tired of this!
01:18:22.000 I feel bad. 0.99
01:18:22.000 I was like, I'm just trying to tell my dick and shit jokes and get my 25 bucks and get out of here. 0.99
01:18:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:18:27.000 But that's like, like I said, people can look at my act and be like, he's talking about dicks and shit. 0.99
01:18:32.000 I talk about all kinds of things. 1.00
01:18:34.000 Sometimes dicks and shit, too, though. 1.00
01:18:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:18:36.000 Well, those are funny things. 1.00
01:18:37.000 Sometimes they need to be discussed. 1.00
01:18:38.000 Well, dicks and shits are funny. 1.00
01:18:40.000 Often. 1.00
01:18:41.000 Yeah.
01:18:41.000 I have to, like, curb myself from having...
01:18:44.000 I'm like, I got too many shit jokes now. 0.99
01:18:46.000 This is like 12 minutes. 1.00
01:18:47.000 How many you got?
01:18:47.000 I got a few.
01:18:48.000 I got a chunk.
01:18:49.000 But it's funny. 0.99
01:18:50.000 Shit is funny, you know? 1.00
01:18:52.000 But sometimes you just get on a run where that's what you're interested in. 0.99
01:18:56.000 Yeah, well also, once you have a bit that's working, you want to extend it and write other things about it.
01:19:00.000 So then, that's the way it goes.
01:19:02.000 I had a time period where I had like four bits about aliens.
01:19:06.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:19:06.000 And I was like, God damn, this is too much. 0.98
01:19:09.000 You almost, once you get to a certain point, you start going, well, can I just go all the way and just do a one-man show about aliens? 0.98
01:19:15.000 Right, go to Edinburgh.
01:19:16.000 Yeah.
01:19:16.000 I'll just be the alien guy.
01:19:18.000 Yeah.
01:19:19.000 I bet you could.
01:19:20.000 You could be like, uh, like, have a slideshow behind you.
01:19:23.000 Yeah.
01:19:24.000 SETI Research. 0.99
01:19:26.000 The fucking, the big dish that you see in that movie, Contact, Jodie Foster. 0.99
01:19:30.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:19:31.000 I'm not familiar with that movie.
01:19:32.000 No?
01:19:32.000 I mean, I'm familiar with it.
01:19:33.000 I never, I wasn't into it.
01:19:35.000 You didn't see that movie?
01:19:35.000 I've never been a big alien guy.
01:19:37.000 No.
01:19:38.000 You're not a believer.
01:19:40.000 I feel like this is the kind of place where you could produce an alien.
01:19:43.000 I'm like, nah, not really. 1.00
01:19:45.000 Another fucking thing comes and rapes me. 1.00
01:19:47.000 Well, I can show you the aliens, but you're gonna have to not be sober. 1.00
01:19:49.000 Oh.
01:19:50.000 You're a fully sober guy, right?
01:19:52.000 Yeah.
01:19:52.000 Did you used to be a not sober guy?
01:19:55.000 Yeah, I was a...
01:19:56.000 Yeah.
01:19:56.000 Were you a mess?
01:19:58.000 Mentally, I felt like a mess.
01:20:00.000 I mean, I never killed anybody or anything, but I'm an alcoholic, yeah. 1.00
01:20:04.000 I shit in a girl's shoe and got herpes. 0.99
01:20:06.000 Yeah, I had some fun. 1.00
01:20:07.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:20:08.000 In a girl's shoe? 0.98
01:20:09.000 What'd she do to you? 1.00
01:20:11.000 Nothing.
01:20:12.000 Just invited me to stay at her house.
01:20:13.000 I don't remember doing it. 0.99
01:20:15.000 I was in a blackout or whatever, but yeah, I was all fucked up. 0.97
01:20:19.000 And then I woke up and I had to piss so bad. 0.98
01:20:22.000 I just woke up in the bed.
01:20:25.000 And I was like, I got a pen.
01:20:26.000 I was like, I don't know where I am.
01:20:27.000 I actually had a flight.
01:20:29.000 I was going to the Seattle comedy competition.
01:20:32.000 Did you ever do that?
01:20:32.000 No.
01:20:33.000 It's like a month-long competition.
01:20:35.000 What?
01:20:36.000 Yeah.
01:20:37.000 A month long?
01:20:38.000 They call it Seattle, but it's actually all over Washington State.
01:20:42.000 You drive three hours a night.
01:20:44.000 It's pretty crazy.
01:20:45.000 Really?
01:20:45.000 Yeah.
01:20:46.000 But...
01:20:48.000 I had to, like, be there the next day for a month.
01:20:50.000 I had, like, a 10 a.m. 0.98
01:20:51.000 flight, and I woke up at, like, 9.20 in the morning in this girl's bed, and I was like, I gotta get the hell out of here, but first I gotta piss, because if I piss in this woman's bed, it's gonna be horrible. 1.00
01:21:02.000 So I ran to the bathroom, found the bathroom, pissed for, like, a half hour, you know those? 0.99
01:21:07.000 And I'm trying to, like, put my shit together. 1.00
01:21:09.000 I'm all fucked up. 1.00
01:21:10.000 And then I came out into her living room and her table had been smashed like a Chris Farley fucking table. 0.99
01:21:18.000 And you know that feeling when you're fucked up where you look at something and you're like, that was definitely me. 0.98
01:21:23.000 I can just feel like, I'm pretty sure I'm responsible for that. 0.60
01:21:26.000 And then I was like, I gotta go find my clothes.
01:21:29.000 So I went back into her room and on the way there I saw kind of like footprints of poo.
01:21:37.000 And then I came in, and she had a high-top Nike sneaker that just had like a big dukes in there. 1.00
01:21:45.000 Yeah, and there was some little pieces around.
01:21:47.000 And then there was like a big puddle of urine, too.
01:21:49.000 Like, I didn't just... 1.00
01:21:50.000 Because you never just shit. 1.00
01:21:52.000 So I like pissed and shit. 1.00
01:21:55.000 But I got it in her sneaker. 1.00
01:21:56.000 Like I fucking nailed it. 0.99
01:21:57.000 So you did on purpose. 0.99
01:21:58.000 Well, I think, I mean, I was in a blackout, but I think what happened was I thought it was a toilet.
01:22:03.000 Because that's not like my sense of humor. 0.98
01:22:05.000 I'm not like a, I've never been like a take a shit places. 0.98
01:22:08.000 So I think I just saw a cylinder. 0.99
01:22:10.000 How could you think a sneaker was in the toilet?
01:22:11.000 Well, it's dark.
01:22:12.000 It's black and it's a hole. 1.00
01:22:14.000 How big is her fucking shoes? 1.00
01:22:16.000 She had real big feet. 1.00
01:22:17.000 It was a big woman. 1.00
01:22:20.000 No, so I shit in there, and then... 0.99
01:22:22.000 Did you lose contact with her after this? 0.99
01:22:25.000 No, so I was like, I gotta get out of here, because I gotta go catch this flight.
01:22:28.000 So I took my sock and put it on like a puppet, like a hand puppet, a sock puppet, and just kind of picked it up that way, and then turned the sock inside out, which is almost like a shit in a sock, and threw that away, and I tried to wipe up as much of the... 0.79
01:22:43.000 Is she asleep? 0.95
01:22:44.000 No, no.
01:22:45.000 They're gone.
01:22:46.000 Oh my god.
01:22:46.000 So I thought...
01:22:47.000 It's like 9.30 in the morning.
01:22:48.000 I thought I just went so crazy that they all fled their own home.
01:22:52.000 So then I get in the cab to go to the airport.
01:22:55.000 I'm missing my flight. 0.54
01:22:56.000 And I text the girl and I was like, I want to kill myself.
01:23:00.000 I can never...
01:23:00.000 I'm so sorry.
01:23:02.000 Did you tell her that?
01:23:03.000 No, well, I figured she knew.
01:23:04.000 So she wrote back, it's okay...
01:23:07.000 It was crazy, crazy night.
01:23:09.000 It was fun or whatever. 0.99
01:23:10.000 And I was like, man, this girl must fucking party. 1.00
01:23:12.000 Like, she's just like okay with me shitting. 1.00
01:23:15.000 I was like, this woman's wild. 0.99
01:23:17.000 So then I got to the airport, flew across the country, missed my flight.
01:23:21.000 I got the next flight out. 0.98
01:23:22.000 On the plane, I crossed my leg at one point and realized I had shit up my pant leg. 0.98
01:23:28.000 And so I had to subtly put it down. 0.97
01:23:30.000 I always had a middle seat for a full, because I missed my flight.
01:23:32.000 Inside or outside of your pant leg?
01:23:34.000 Outside of my pant leg. 1.00
01:23:34.000 How much shit? 1.00
01:23:35.000 Just like a good streak. 1.00
01:23:37.000 I would say ankle to knee.
01:23:39.000 You didn't go to the bathroom and try to clean it up?
01:23:41.000 No, because I was already on the plane.
01:23:43.000 I was in a middle seat.
01:23:45.000 And it was like caked on there.
01:23:47.000 Oh my god.
01:23:47.000 This was like hours later.
01:23:48.000 Oh my god. 0.98
01:23:49.000 So then I landed, took the phone off of airplane mode, and had a text that was like, holy shit. 0.98
01:23:56.000 We had no idea how bad it was. 0.93
01:23:58.000 And I was like, that makes more sense.
01:24:00.000 That is a better reaction.
01:24:02.000 Yeah.
01:24:02.000 Because I thought, they must...
01:24:03.000 So the crazy part is, I shit... 0.99
01:24:06.000 It was like nine in the morning. 0.99
01:24:08.000 They had left for work. 1.00
01:24:09.000 Are you sure it was your shit? 1.00
01:24:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:24:11.000 They didn't have a dog, and I assume they don't just shit in their own shoes. 1.00
01:24:16.000 So I wanted to kill myself, but then I was late, so I had to go straight to the show. 1.00
01:24:22.000 With shit on your pants? 1.00
01:24:23.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:24:24.000 With shit on my pants and my leg. 0.99
01:24:25.000 It was like caked in my leg hair. 0.99
01:24:27.000 And it was the first night of the competition.
01:24:29.000 The people in the front row going...
01:24:29.000 No, I don't think...
01:24:31.000 Anybody smelled it?
01:24:32.000 I don't think they noticed, because I think it would have been...
01:24:35.000 I don't know.
01:24:36.000 No one said anything. 1.00
01:24:37.000 Joe Liss is funny, but God, he smells shit. 0.99
01:24:40.000 So then I finished, I took a shower finally, like 12 hours later, and I was actually, I remember pulling little pieces of shit out of my leg hair. 0.99
01:24:47.000 It was the best shower of my life, it felt like.
01:24:50.000 How was your set?
01:24:51.000 Good, I killed, and I ended up winning that night, because each night you judge, and I came in like first place.
01:24:56.000 It was like one of the best sets I've ever had.
01:24:57.000 That sounds like a real comedian. 1.00
01:24:59.000 You show up with shit on your legs, and you win a competition, and you fucking kill. 1.00
01:25:03.000 I love it. 1.00
01:25:03.000 That's a good story. 1.00
01:25:04.000 It was pretty fun.
01:25:05.000 And then I ended up sending this message to these women. 1.00
01:25:07.000 I have the message.
01:25:08.000 It was on Facebook, so it lives forever.
01:25:10.000 But it's about this long.
01:25:12.000 It's like a 12-inch.
01:25:13.000 It just keeps going. 0.99
01:25:14.000 I'm like, I want to kill myself. 0.94
01:25:15.000 I don't know how this happened. 0.99
01:25:16.000 I really wanted to die.
01:25:18.000 And luckily, they were like 22. They were fresh out of college, so they were pretty forgiving.
01:25:23.000 LOL. Yeah, but they were in their 30s.
01:25:25.000 Did they send you a bunch of crying emojis?
01:25:27.000 No, they were just like...
01:25:28.000 You know the laughing, crying one with the tears?
01:25:31.000 Yeah.
01:25:31.000 That's my favorite one.
01:25:32.000 So I sent 300 bucks in a car.
01:25:35.000 I called my friend Nate Bargetze and I was like, how much?
01:25:39.000 Is 300 bucks like a good amount?
01:25:41.000 And he's like, he's from Tennessee.
01:25:43.000 He's like, I don't think there's an amount you can send.
01:25:46.000 That's too much. 0.98
01:25:47.000 So I sent him a card with 300 bucks, and I didn't really keep in touch with them, but they were nice, and they were like, hopefully you don't get that fucked up again. 0.90
01:25:55.000 And then, by the way, I drank that, and I kept drinking for two more years. 0.66
01:25:58.000 You'd think that would be like a bottom?
01:25:59.000 And then I remember that night being like, well, I'm gonna drink again at some point.
01:26:02.000 I might as well.
01:26:03.000 So I drank for like two more years.
01:26:05.000 Then I got herpes, and I tried to stop then, too, and then I just kept going. 1.00
01:26:09.000 Fuck it. 1.00
01:26:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:26:10.000 And what made you hit bottom?
01:26:12.000 I finally just... 0.99
01:26:13.000 Well, I fucking hated myself. 0.99
01:26:15.000 I still do a little bit, but not as much. 0.99
01:26:18.000 And I just...
01:26:20.000 It wasn't fun.
01:26:20.000 I knew I had to quit.
01:26:21.000 It's like the same as food.
01:26:22.000 I'm like, at some point, I got to stop doing...
01:26:24.000 This isn't a normal amount of drinking. 0.99
01:26:27.000 And then it just fucking... 0.99
01:26:29.000 It kind of happened. 0.98
01:26:30.000 I tried to stop a couple times, and I'd go like a few days.
01:26:34.000 And then one day, it was just like a thing of like, let me...
01:26:36.000 I'm going to...
01:26:37.000 This is it.
01:26:37.000 I'm stopping now.
01:26:39.000 I remember my brother-in-law, his father had just died.
01:26:41.000 It was Christmas.
01:26:42.000 And I was like making a joke.
01:26:44.000 You know when you're drunk trying to be funny? 0.99
01:26:45.000 And I was like busting his balls about his dad. 0.98
01:26:47.000 And he was like, yeah, I'm upset. 1.00
01:26:49.000 I remember just feeling like such a fucking piece of shit. 0.99
01:26:53.000 And then I remember like kind of the day after Christmas, I was like, I kind of just blacked out. 1.00
01:26:58.000 Like I came home and I was like, I don't even remember what the fuck. 0.97
01:27:02.000 And I was like, I got to stop. 0.98
01:27:03.000 And then I was at Helium in Philadelphia.
01:27:06.000 Great club.
01:27:07.000 Yeah.
01:27:07.000 And I was with Gary Gellman.
01:27:08.000 I was opening for Gary Gellman. 1.00
01:27:09.000 Also, my career was like kind of shit. 0.99
01:27:11.000 I was like 16 years in, 15 years in or whatever. 0.98
01:27:14.000 Oh, actually less than that.
01:27:16.000 12 years in, I guess.
01:27:17.000 And I was like, I gotta do something.
01:27:19.000 I gotta turn this around. 0.92
01:27:20.000 So then I just stopped and I got fucking really into it. 0.89
01:27:23.000 Into sobriety. 0.84
01:27:24.000 And it's like a new...
01:27:27.000 Life.
01:27:28.000 You're like, oh, everything feels new again and fresh again.
01:27:30.000 I'm like, I'll go back to this.
01:27:31.000 I'll get into sports again.
01:27:32.000 I'll go to museums.
01:27:34.000 You're not tired all the time.
01:27:35.000 Yeah, and then you just feel better.
01:27:37.000 Yeah, the feel better thing's huge.
01:27:39.000 That's the problem is you're tired all the time.
01:27:41.000 If you drink a lot, you're always a little bit behind the eight ball.
01:27:45.000 Well, I would lose days of my life because I was just hungover. 1.00
01:27:48.000 It felt like shit. 0.98
01:27:49.000 And then I realized for basically a decade, I was drunk or hungover. 0.99
01:27:53.000 Or just foggy, like where you turn your head and it takes a moment for everything to kind of like catch up, where I was just fucking foggy.
01:28:01.000 And just like that deep hatred.
01:28:04.000 And I knew I had to go all in and like, I gotta, I can't, I'm not a guy that's like, I'll have a beer and I never had that.
01:28:10.000 Even now when I think about, I'm sober almost seven years, six and a half years.
01:28:13.000 Even now when I think about a drink, I'm not like, That'd be fun to have a beer. 0.95
01:28:18.000 I'm like, ah, it'd be fun to have fucking 500 beers right now. 0.96
01:28:20.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
01:28:21.000 Just to go whole hog and black out again.
01:28:24.000 Yeah.
01:28:24.000 And then the problem was, you know, when you quit drinking, get sober, like the first 90 days, they're like, just don't worry about anything except for not drinking.
01:28:32.000 Just eat whatever, do whatever.
01:28:34.000 And so I started doing that with food.
01:28:36.000 I was like, I'm eating cookies.
01:28:37.000 And then I just never started.
01:28:39.000 So then I just did that for years with food.
01:28:41.000 And now that's kind of caught up to me.
01:28:44.000 How many years have you been sober now?
01:28:46.000 About six and a half.
01:28:47.000 So you're just sober now.
01:28:48.000 You're cool with it.
01:28:49.000 This is who you are.
01:28:51.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:28:52.000 Imagine if you did a show called Joe List Gets Fucked Up, where it's like you have handlers to make sure you don't shit in anybody's shoe, you have everything taken care of, and you go, look, I haven't had a drink in six years, but I'm sober now. 0.93
01:29:05.000 I'm content being sober, but for tonight, and tonight only, we're having a one-night Joe List Gets Fucked Up special. 0.93
01:29:13.000 Yeah.
01:29:13.000 And you just start at a bar and start getting hammered.
01:29:18.000 I think I would have to perform early.
01:29:20.000 Am I doing a show?
01:29:22.000 No, no, no.
01:29:23.000 No, the show would be just following you around with cameras while you get blasted.
01:29:27.000 Oh, okay.
01:29:28.000 Because I was going to say, if it's a show, I'd have to do it early.
01:29:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:29:30.000 I'd have to have, like, two beers, because then I'd be sobbing and be like, ah, my fucking... 0.99
01:29:34.000 I fell apart. 0.98
01:29:36.000 I lost it.
01:29:37.000 I had it.
01:29:38.000 I was sober for six years.
01:29:39.000 Now I've been sober at no time.
01:29:41.000 Zero.
01:29:42.000 That's one of the motivating...
01:29:44.000 I mean, there's a lot, but the idea of going back to like... 0.99
01:29:47.000 Day one, it's like such a, which happens, and it's part of getting sober, then people go, I don't want to disparage people that are having that happen, but like, it's such a bummer to fucking walk back in there and be like, I got one day, and you're like, fuck me. 0.99
01:30:01.000 Yeah, it happens. 0.99
01:30:02.000 Of course. 0.99
01:30:03.000 I knew a lot of guys who had that, they would get sober fuck here, and then dive back in, and... 0.99
01:30:09.000 Yeah, I went... 0.98
01:30:10.000 Well, I tried early on.
01:30:12.000 I tried to quit drinking, and then I was like, oh, I'll smoke pot, though, because I don't have...
01:30:16.000 And then you realize with weed, like, I'm like, oh, I'm outside of my mind.
01:30:19.000 This is the same as... 0.99
01:30:21.000 I'm fucked up. 0.99
01:30:22.000 When you get high enough, you're like, well, this is not sobriety. 1.00
01:30:24.000 I'm fucking retarded right now. 0.99
01:30:26.000 Right, right. 1.00
01:30:26.000 Was your thing just not being in your mind, getting outside of your mind, or was your thing blacking out and ruining your life? 1.00
01:30:35.000 Because the only thing that's good about pot is you don't feel terrible.
01:30:39.000 Yeah, well, I think I have that addictive personality, so then I'd be high.
01:30:43.000 But now it does seem like... 0.89
01:30:46.000 More appealing, because nowadays, first of all, it's like, you can go to a store, and there's a guy that's like, this weed makes you feel happy, this one chills you out, this one makes you gay, this one's crazy. 0.99
01:30:58.000 Like before, when I was, I was never a big weed guy, but I'd get drunk and smoke, and sometimes you'd just smoke some fucking crazy demon weed and be out of your mind. 0.93
01:31:05.000 It was just whatever, weed was just weed. 0.96
01:31:07.000 Now it feels like there's categories and shit. 0.97
01:31:09.000 Dude, I did a B-Real Smokebox, you know, B-Real from Cypress Hill. 0.97
01:31:13.000 I do now.
01:31:15.000 I know Cypress Hill.
01:31:16.000 B-Real is, you know, the guy who raps in the crazy high-pitched voice.
01:31:21.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
01:31:24.000 I did his smoke box, and you get in this Cadillac, and you smoke weed until you are no longer even a person.
01:31:34.000 You are just...
01:31:37.000 You are a thought that is like a cork that's flowing down a raging river headed to a waterfall. 1.00
01:31:46.000 Like, you are so fucked up. 1.00
01:31:47.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:31:48.000 And you're trying to have a conversation, and you're being filmed.
01:31:50.000 And these guys do that every day.
01:31:52.000 There's people that just get obliterated every day.
01:31:55.000 Yeah.
01:31:56.000 I think that sometimes weed, people don't take it, because it's like it's just weed, and it's natural or whatever. 0.97
01:32:02.000 But sometimes there's people that I'm like, yeah, but you're fucked up all day every day. 0.94
01:32:07.000 Yeah, if you have an addictive personality and you have a problem with anything, there's a lot of people that get into that Kratom stuff. 0.72
01:32:12.000 Do you know what that stuff is?
01:32:14.000 Kratom is...
01:32:16.000 It's like a plant-based...
01:32:18.000 I think people are trying to call it an opiate.
01:32:21.000 I don't know if it's technically an opiate, but it's legal.
01:32:24.000 You can buy it and it helps people.
01:32:25.000 It actually alleviates a lot of the symptoms of opiates.
01:32:29.000 And it acts as a mild stimulant when you take a little bit of it.
01:32:32.000 Like if you take two pills, it's like a cup of coffee.
01:32:34.000 It's like, oh, I like this.
01:32:35.000 This is nice.
01:32:36.000 But then I said, I wonder what it's like.
01:32:37.000 And I was asking a friend of mine who takes it all the time.
01:32:39.000 I go, how much do you take?
01:32:40.000 And he's like, I take 10 pills.
01:32:41.000 I go, 10?!
01:32:42.000 You take ten? 0.99
01:32:43.000 I'm like, what the fuck is that? 0.99
01:32:44.000 So I did it. 0.99
01:32:45.000 I tried it.
01:32:46.000 I think I took eight.
01:32:47.000 I don't even think I took ten. 1.00
01:32:48.000 And I was fucked up. 0.98
01:32:50.000 I was like, oh, you guys are getting high. 0.99
01:32:51.000 Yeah.
01:32:52.000 You're high.
01:32:53.000 I'm high right now.
01:32:55.000 You're not sober.
01:32:56.000 Don't tell me you're sober and you're taking eight pills of Kratom.
01:33:00.000 That stuff gets you high.
01:33:01.000 And you can buy it legally.
01:33:04.000 But it's a weird high.
01:33:05.000 It's like...
01:33:07.000 Everything functions.
01:33:08.000 Like, your muscles and your arms and everything moves the way it's supposed to.
01:33:13.000 It doesn't feel like you're uncoordinated or you're tripping or stumbling or anything like that.
01:33:17.000 But your brain is like, this is not sober!
01:33:21.000 It's just like screaming, this is not sober, but it's a different kind of this is not sober.
01:33:26.000 Interesting.
01:33:27.000 Yeah, you're not... 0.98
01:33:28.000 Like, I could have a conversation with you and you might not even know that I was fucked up on this stuff. 0.99
01:33:32.000 Right. 0.99
01:33:32.000 And I could go lift weights. 0.99
01:33:34.000 I could go do something.
01:33:35.000 It wouldn't impair.
01:33:37.000 You could go running on that stuff.
01:33:38.000 So is it like a heady buzz or like a body thing?
01:33:40.000 It's a heady thing.
01:33:42.000 It's a weird one.
01:33:43.000 I was really shocked at how high I got.
01:33:45.000 Because that's what someone said.
01:33:48.000 They said if you take two pills, it has a mild stimulant effect, similar to a cup of coffee.
01:33:52.000 But if you take multiple pills, then it becomes more of like a downer.
01:33:57.000 Not a downer.
01:33:58.000 More relaxing.
01:33:59.000 More like an opiate.
01:34:00.000 Right. 1.00
01:34:01.000 But I didn't realize how fucked up you actually get. 1.00
01:34:03.000 Like, you get pretty fucked up. 1.00
01:34:05.000 And then you get a tolerance for it. 0.99
01:34:06.000 So a lot of these guys are taking like 10 pills and then going to the gym.
01:34:10.000 And they're like, oh, I need it for my back.
01:34:11.000 I'm like, you're getting blasted!
01:34:13.000 Yeah, that's like that with booze and all drugs.
01:34:14.000 It feels like you kind of chase that thing.
01:34:17.000 I mean, that's, yeah.
01:34:18.000 Yeah, well, that's the thing, right?
01:34:20.000 It's like we were talking about with smartphones or like we were talking about video games.
01:34:24.000 Like, things get away from you.
01:34:26.000 Yeah.
01:34:27.000 That's part of the problem of being a comic, right?
01:34:28.000 Like, all of us, there's something wrong with your brain to want to do this, right?
01:34:34.000 Yeah, I think there's definitely some sort of desire.
01:34:37.000 There's some attention you didn't get somewhere.
01:34:40.000 Something went wrong.
01:34:41.000 And you're upset about it, and so when you're not on stage or when you are on stage, you're trying to do something else to make you forget about that attention or affection you didn't get somewhere along the line. 0.99
01:34:51.000 Yeah, it's a fucking... 0.93
01:34:52.000 If you can harness it, though, like that I didn't get enough attention can be super beneficial. 0.98
01:35:00.000 Yeah.
01:35:00.000 It gives you insight.
01:35:02.000 Yeah.
01:35:02.000 It'll give you motivation.
01:35:04.000 If you can harness it.
01:35:05.000 Yeah.
01:35:06.000 It's interesting to go that sort of self-reflecting and therapy or whatever your method is.
01:35:12.000 Or people do it with mushrooms or whatever.
01:35:13.000 But that introspective of like, oh, those moments where you're like, I'm doing that because of that.
01:35:19.000 That's neat.
01:35:20.000 Yeah.
01:35:21.000 Then there's the next step of no longer doing the things you don't want to do because of that.
01:35:28.000 Or the habits that you have.
01:35:29.000 And the next step, you go to the Ram Dass Center in Malibu.
01:35:34.000 Start doing acid.
01:35:36.000 Oh.
01:35:37.000 I don't think in Malibu they have it.
01:35:39.000 Oh, Maui.
01:35:40.000 Duncan goes to Maui every year.
01:35:43.000 Hangs out with Ram Dass.
01:35:45.000 Wow.
01:35:46.000 They meditate.
01:35:47.000 That's exciting.
01:35:48.000 Yeah, people come from all over the world to meet this guy and meditate with him.
01:35:52.000 Yeah, that's pretty amazing.
01:35:53.000 I listen to, I love Thich Nhat Hanh.
01:35:56.000 You know that guy?
01:35:56.000 No.
01:35:57.000 Oh, he's a Buddhist monk. 0.94
01:36:00.000 I think he's about to die.
01:36:01.000 I think he's like in his 90s.
01:36:02.000 He hung out with like MLK back in the day.
01:36:04.000 MLK nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize.
01:36:06.000 He's written like 70 books.
01:36:08.000 What is his name again?
01:36:10.000 Thich Nhat Hanh.
01:36:11.000 It's T-H-I-C-H space N-H-A-T. Where is he from? 0.97
01:36:15.000 He's from Vietnam.
01:36:17.000 But now he's been living in France for like, I don't know, 30 years.
01:36:20.000 He's got his own meditation center.
01:36:22.000 But he writes all these books and there's videos you can find.
01:36:25.000 Do you meditate?
01:36:26.000 I do.
01:36:26.000 I try.
01:36:27.000 Sometimes I just... 0.95
01:36:29.000 I'm such a fucking anxious guy that it's sometimes hard. 0.77
01:36:32.000 But I read him a lot. 0.98
01:36:34.000 And Jack Kornfield is another Buddhist. 0.88
01:36:37.000 That's Thich Nhat, huh? 0.86
01:36:37.000 Yeah. 0.86
01:36:38.000 That guy's 90 years old?
01:36:40.000 He's close.
01:36:42.000 He's in his...
01:36:42.000 Is that an old picture?
01:36:43.000 Probably.
01:36:44.000 Probably.
01:36:44.000 But I also yeah, I mean he's a he's a real Zen master.
01:36:48.000 Yeah, so maybe he's gonna live forever or some shit. 0.98
01:36:51.000 And then Tara Brock, I listen to her. 1.00
01:36:53.000 Oh, he's old as fuck now. 0.99
01:36:55.000 Yeah, that makes more sense. 1.00
01:36:57.000 I'll listen to her like guided meditation.
01:36:59.000 I'll do that.
01:37:00.000 Use an app?
01:37:01.000 I just heard her podcast has like a she does these guided ones.
01:37:05.000 So not an app but a podcast and then sometimes I'll just sit.
01:37:09.000 Have you ever done a float tank yet? 0.69
01:37:11.000 No, your guy, I don't know what producer I guess, was showing it to me, but I feel like I'd have a fucking panic attack in there.
01:37:19.000 You can just open the door anytime you want. 0.93
01:37:21.000 Oh, okay.
01:37:21.000 I mean, it's not like it closes you in.
01:37:23.000 Yeah, it seems terrifying.
01:37:24.000 The door just go like, just like that.
01:37:26.000 Just touch it gently.
01:37:27.000 It'll open.
01:37:28.000 It's nothing.
01:37:29.000 That's good to know.
01:37:30.000 Yeah.
01:37:30.000 But no, I've never done it.
01:37:31.000 I should.
01:37:32.000 But yeah, I've had panic disorder throughout my life.
01:37:36.000 And I just, for the first time in like a long time, had a couple panic attacks last week.
01:37:39.000 For the first time in like two years.
01:37:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:37:41.000 What was fucking with you? 1.00
01:37:42.000 I think a lot, there's like a... 0.99
01:37:44.000 Well, first of all, doing this show is anxiety.
01:37:46.000 Now I feel like we're just bullshitting.
01:37:48.000 I'm just trying to pretend there's not a plethora of people listening.
01:37:51.000 That's how it always is.
01:37:51.000 I'm glad that you got there, because when we said in the beginning, we almost didn't start.
01:37:55.000 I was like, you want to tell people, you were telling me that you were kind of anxious.
01:37:59.000 I was like, well, let's just talk.
01:38:00.000 Let's just...
01:38:01.000 Well, you're very disarming, but...
01:38:04.000 Oh, well, I'm not trying to be.
01:38:05.000 I appreciate it.
01:38:06.000 I appreciate that you are.
01:38:07.000 But...
01:38:08.000 I think a lot of it is like, you know, this is a huge show, and then my wife was doing Late Night last night, and then I'm on the road with Louis, and, you know, he's just...
01:38:18.000 I have a lot of...
01:38:19.000 My biggest fears are being, like, you know, you've disliked and wanting to be pleased people.
01:38:24.000 I'm a people pleaser, as many alcoholics are. 0.98
01:38:27.000 So I feel like you're in the fire in these controversial situations, and the bigger audience, the more people are breaking down what you're saying and being like, what's up with this fucking guy? 0.93
01:38:37.000 What is it like doing the road with Louie now? 0.91
01:38:40.000 Yeah.
01:38:41.000 Well, we've done a few dates.
01:38:43.000 I've done a few dates with them.
01:38:45.000 It's great.
01:38:46.000 Has the protest died down?
01:38:47.000 We just did Acme, Minneapolis.
01:38:49.000 I think it maxed out at eight people outside.
01:38:54.000 But for the most part, it was like four or five people.
01:38:56.000 Did you say hi to them?
01:38:58.000 No, I just walked by.
01:38:59.000 I respect them for doing whatever they're doing.
01:39:03.000 It's misguided.
01:39:05.000 You know what I was really angry at?
01:39:07.000 I was really angry at Comedian's response to his leaked set.
01:39:13.000 That was very angry about that.
01:39:15.000 Yeah, it was strange.
01:39:16.000 But I think people get pulled up into this thing.
01:39:18.000 For some reason, there's a thing now where everyone thinks they're supposed to have a take on everything.
01:39:23.000 Mm-hmm.
01:39:24.000 Exactly.
01:39:24.000 No matter what happens, they're like, I better come up with a tweet or my take or anything.
01:39:28.000 Well, not only that.
01:39:28.000 And it's not actually necessary.
01:39:29.000 People ask you, why don't you have a take on this?
01:39:32.000 Right.
01:39:32.000 Why haven't you tweeted about this?
01:39:34.000 Right. 0.99
01:39:36.000 There was the Christchurch massacre happened, and I was reading about it, and I was like, God damn, this is fucking crazy. 0.99
01:39:45.000 And I'm reading about this, and this guy was a white nationalist, and he said hi to PewDiePie before he went and killed all these people. 1.00
01:39:52.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:39:53.000 Like, what is this? 0.98
01:39:54.000 And then I never check my mentions.
01:39:58.000 And then I just was, because I was on Twitter looking at all this stuff... 1.00
01:40:04.000 I saw something that led to something that someone tagged me, and then I looked at my mentions for a second, and like, how come you're not talking about Christchurch, you racist piece of shit? 1.00
01:40:11.000 I'm like... 0.99
01:40:13.000 It just happened, and I don't have a take. 0.98
01:40:18.000 Like, what the fuck am I supposed to say? 0.99
01:40:19.000 Rest in peace? 0.99
01:40:20.000 Like, what does anyone want you to say when a massacre happens?
01:40:24.000 This was horrible.
01:40:25.000 Everybody knows it's horrible.
01:40:26.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing now, and if you don't denounce something, then you're on board.
01:40:31.000 You're supporting it, yeah.
01:40:32.000 And you're like, I'm just trying to...
01:40:34.000 Well, with me, there's been situations where just talking to people.
01:40:37.000 They don't want you talking to certain people because those people are right-wing.
01:40:41.000 Oh, you must be secretly right-wing.
01:40:43.000 Right.
01:40:45.000 I'm not.
01:40:45.000 I tell you I'm not.
01:40:47.000 Why don't you believe me?
01:40:48.000 It's a weird thing.
01:40:49.000 I'm a liberal guy.
01:40:50.000 I always call myself a 90s liberal.
01:40:53.000 Before everything went sideways.
01:40:54.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:40:55.000 I'm not like whatever is happening.
01:40:58.000 You're not woke.
01:40:59.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:40:59.000 I'm a...
01:41:01.000 You know, yeah. 0.92
01:41:02.000 Alyssa Milano's calling for a sex strike. 1.00
01:41:04.000 Yeah, I saw that.
01:41:05.000 I don't think that's gonna work out well. 0.99
01:41:07.000 That's what you do when no one wants to fuck you anymore. 1.00
01:41:09.000 You start saying crazy shit. 1.00
01:41:10.000 Like, we're gonna have a sex strike. 1.00
01:41:13.000 Ladies, you're gonna hold out. 1.00
01:41:15.000 And Tim Pool had the best take on that.
01:41:17.000 He's saying, so men who agree with you won't get laid?
01:41:20.000 Right.
01:41:22.000 Like, what?
01:41:22.000 It doesn't even make any sense.
01:41:23.000 But the idea that it's the same thing we were talking about earlier.
01:41:28.000 They've lumped men into this category.
01:41:31.000 Like, women are going to go on strike until we respect their reproductive rights in Georgia. 1.00
01:41:38.000 First of all, it's just Georgia.
01:41:40.000 You want to strike for the whole country that's not going to help Georgia. 0.89
01:41:43.000 I don't know if you understand voting, but that's not how it works.
01:41:45.000 There's state politics, local politics.
01:41:48.000 Second of all, like, most men...
01:41:51.000 Don't have anything to do with this.
01:41:52.000 It's not like we have men meetings where we get together and say, hey, we've got to stop these women from exercising their reproductive rights. 1.00
01:42:01.000 So you're punishing a bunch of people that have nothing to do with this because we also have penises? 0.98
01:42:07.000 What's the thought process there? 0.97
01:42:09.000 But it's such an obvious virtue signal. 0.98
01:42:12.000 It's so obvious that this is like pussy hats, the women's, we're going to do this, we're going to do this, and then we're going to sex strike, and a bunch of our friends are probably like, yeah, this is going to work. 0.98
01:42:22.000 Like, this is not how to handle things. 0.98
01:42:25.000 It's not us.
01:42:25.000 I've never voted against women's reproductive rights.
01:42:28.000 So if you're telling, like, my wife, she can't fuck me, because if she does, she's not down for the cause. 1.00
01:42:33.000 Like, what are you, you're orchestrating everyone's sex life? 1.00
01:42:35.000 That's crazy. 0.88
01:42:36.000 It's just going to make people angry at you. 1.00
01:42:38.000 It's a little strange, and I'm like, I think that guy's an asshole. 1.00
01:42:41.000 Can I still get laid? 1.00
01:42:42.000 I think he stinks. 0.99
01:42:43.000 No, you can't. 0.99
01:42:45.000 And the, you know, abortion's such a fucking creepy subject, too, because it's such a minefield. 0.98
01:42:51.000 Like, if you're a man and you even talk about it, like, first of all, why are you talking about it? 0.98
01:42:56.000 It has nothing to do with you.
01:42:57.000 It's a woman's right to choose in a woman's body. 1.00
01:42:58.000 Like, okay, I get it.
01:43:00.000 Yes.
01:43:00.000 But it's a thing.
01:43:01.000 So if it's a thing, you're allowed to talk about a thing.
01:43:04.000 Right. 0.99
01:43:04.000 And this thing happens to be a fetus that could become a Joe List or a Jamie Vernon or a Joe Rogan or a who the fuck? 0.99
01:43:13.000 It's going to be a person. 0.98
01:43:14.000 Who is Jamie Vernon?
01:43:16.000 That guy right there.
01:43:17.000 Oh, hey, Jamie.
01:43:18.000 Young Jamie.
01:43:20.000 As the fetus grows, we'll become a person.
01:43:23.000 I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to terminate the pregnancy.
01:43:27.000 I'm not saying that.
01:43:28.000 But that is what it is.
01:43:30.000 It's going to be a person.
01:43:32.000 And to pretend anything else, it's like no one wants you to discuss it that way.
01:43:37.000 No one wants you to say that this is a viable offspring.
01:43:43.000 It's going to be a person someday.
01:43:45.000 No one wants you to say that.
01:43:46.000 It's just, there's code words, like a woman's right to choose. 1.00
01:43:49.000 There's like these ways of describing it, which I agree with.
01:43:53.000 I'm not a pro-life person.
01:43:55.000 I'm a pro-choice person.
01:43:57.000 But when it gets to be like five months old, And then people are saying, well, that's just a woman's right to choose. 1.00
01:44:03.000 Okay, okay, it is.
01:44:04.000 It is.
01:44:05.000 It is.
01:44:05.000 But that's a baby now.
01:44:07.000 That thing could live outside the womb. 1.00
01:44:09.000 But isn't there...
01:44:10.000 Isn't that law...
01:44:12.000 I haven't read that much.
01:44:13.000 The Georgia law?
01:44:14.000 But isn't...
01:44:15.000 I don't know the Georgia law, but this thing with now they can late term...
01:44:18.000 Isn't that...
01:44:19.000 Specifically, if the baby or mother is in danger?
01:44:23.000 No.
01:44:24.000 No, not everywhere.
01:44:26.000 In some places, it is.
01:44:27.000 In some places, it's not.
01:44:28.000 In some places, you just have the right to have an abortion up until a certain amount of time. 1.00
01:44:32.000 And I think it varies.
01:44:33.000 I don't think there's a federal guidelines.
01:44:35.000 I think that's one of the reasons why Georgia just instituted this six-week thing.
01:44:39.000 Their thing is the moment the child has a heartbreak.
01:44:43.000 A heartbeat.
01:44:44.000 And that apparently is six weeks in.
01:44:46.000 But sometimes people don't even find out they're pregnant until seven, eight, nine weeks in.
01:44:50.000 And they're saying they have to carry the baby.
01:44:54.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:44:54.000 It's a fucking minefield. 1.00
01:44:57.000 Yeah, it's a hard, and like many subjects, people want it to be just kind of black and white. 1.00
01:45:03.000 Yeah, but we need to have a sex strike to soothe this out. 1.00
01:45:06.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:45:06.000 That's what it is. 0.98
01:45:07.000 Girls, we're going to go on a sex strike. 1.00
01:45:08.000 How many women read that and were like, yeah, none. 1.00
01:45:11.000 How about zero?
01:45:12.000 Not many.
01:45:12.000 Maybe a few thousand.
01:45:14.000 A few crazy bitches just out of their fire. 1.00
01:45:16.000 And a few men like, yes, please take it away from me. 1.00
01:45:19.000 Please, let me show my virtue.
01:45:21.000 Let me show my virtue.
01:45:22.000 Yeah, I imagine it's a small amount.
01:45:24.000 Imagine being her husband. 0.89
01:45:26.000 She's like, we're going on a sex strike. 0.99
01:45:27.000 That's it, sex strike. 1.00
01:45:28.000 And he sees the fucking Twitter post and she made a poster for it with the little fucking pink ribbon and shit. 1.00
01:45:34.000 Like, good Christ. 1.00
01:45:36.000 He's probably talking to his lawyer like, okay, what would I lose?
01:45:42.000 Okay, if I left right now, how much?
01:45:45.000 What would I have to pay?
01:45:46.000 What if she contests that?
01:45:47.000 Okay.
01:45:48.000 And then how much are the legal fees?
01:45:50.000 What is an average amount of time you have to spend in court?
01:45:58.000 It's all men. 1.00
01:46:00.000 They all did it.
01:46:00.000 No sex for any men until we get our rights.
01:46:03.000 Well, it's a very similar...
01:46:04.000 I mean, isn't that the mindset of racism?
01:46:08.000 Yes, exactly.
01:46:08.000 It's a very similar mindset of like, oh, someone was murdered.
01:46:11.000 These six guys in the train were yelling at me.
01:46:14.000 Exactly.
01:46:14.000 No more Latinos on the train.
01:46:16.000 Yeah, 100%.
01:46:18.000 It's the same thing.
01:46:19.000 It's generalizations.
01:46:19.000 And the idea that you have anything to do with other males.
01:46:22.000 And it's even crazier than racism because it's like the whole gender. 1.00
01:46:27.000 It's the whole gender. 1.00
01:46:29.000 It's like, not just like, just white guys suck. 1.00
01:46:32.000 No. 1.00
01:46:32.000 It's like, fucking everybody sucks. 1.00
01:46:33.000 Nobody gets any pussy. 1.00
01:46:34.000 Right. 0.99
01:46:35.000 Until we sort this out.
01:46:37.000 Yeah.
01:46:37.000 But do you think maybe part of it is just that...
01:46:40.000 What is this, Jamie?
01:46:41.000 Oh, this is Bridget.
01:46:43.000 My friend Bridget Phetasy.
01:46:44.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:46:45.000 She sent someone to tell Alyssa Milano's husband to call me.
01:46:47.000 But you know what's funny is...
01:46:48.000 She liked it.
01:46:49.000 Yeah, she liked it.
01:46:50.000 Alyssa Milano liked it.
01:46:51.000 Well, it's a good joke.
01:46:52.000 She's got an... 0.99
01:46:53.000 She's funny.
01:46:55.000 Bridget Phetasy is very funny.
01:46:57.000 Um... 0.92
01:46:58.000 But she's got to know that was a ridiculous thing to say.
01:47:00.000 Sometimes you swing and you miss. 0.88
01:47:01.000 Just like sometimes you have a joke that you try out and it bombs. 1.00
01:47:04.000 And you're just like, well, fuck this joke. 1.00
01:47:06.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:47:07.000 I've been on jokes where I'm like, oh, no one even realized an attempt at humor had just been made.
01:47:10.000 Those are where you're like, oh, sorry.
01:47:12.000 You know what's weird?
01:47:13.000 When a line kills at one show and then dies at the next show.
01:47:17.000 No, it's amazing.
01:47:18.000 And you're like, I swear that's the same joke.
01:47:20.000 Yeah, it's crazy.
01:47:21.000 Sometimes bits just work for like weeks.
01:47:24.000 Yeah. 0.95
01:47:25.000 And then they stop and you're like, what the fuck happened here? 0.85
01:47:28.000 I think it's your enthusiasm for them. 0.98
01:47:29.000 Yeah, I think that's part of it.
01:47:31.000 And it feels more fresh at the beginning.
01:47:34.000 Yeah, you start faking the funk and the crowd starts to smell it. 0.99
01:47:38.000 You don't give a fuck about this subject. 1.00
01:47:40.000 They can smell it on me. 0.99
01:47:42.000 What movie is this?
01:47:43.000 They can smell it on me.
01:47:44.000 Sure as that dog can smell it. 0.99
01:47:47.000 I don't remember.
01:47:47.000 Anybody?
01:47:48.000 What is that?
01:47:48.000 That was Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs.
01:47:51.000 Oh, really?
01:47:52.000 I do one impression and it's Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs and it's not even great. 1.00
01:47:55.000 Fuck you! 1.00
01:47:56.000 I'm fucking dying here! 1.00
01:47:58.000 Because he's got British, but he's doing an American accent so sometimes it kind of sounds weird. 1.00
01:48:04.000 They can smell it on me.
01:48:06.000 That's when he's in the drug deal.
01:48:09.000 Oh, yeah.
01:48:09.000 He's telling that story.
01:48:10.000 That was a good fucking movie. 1.00
01:48:11.000 I love that movie. 1.00
01:48:12.000 I met Quentin Tarantino.
01:48:13.000 He's an odd fellow.
01:48:14.000 He's a wonderful artist, but yeah, he seems a little bizarre.
01:48:17.000 He's very odd.
01:48:18.000 He's a fantastic director, but he had a bombshell with him.
01:48:22.000 Oof! 1.00
01:48:23.000 I was like, to be...
01:48:24.000 Oh, oh, the woman. 1.00
01:48:25.000 What that guy looks like, to be with her.
01:48:27.000 Like, oof, boy, did you figure it out.
01:48:29.000 Okay!
01:48:31.000 I'm not good at impressions.
01:48:33.000 I'm really bad at impressions.
01:48:35.000 So, were you pissed off when that Louis C.K. recording got released and comics were denouncing it?
01:48:41.000 Yeah, it was weird.
01:48:42.000 I mean, it's a bummer.
01:48:43.000 First of all, a lot of people were like, these aren't even jokes.
01:48:48.000 He's not even joking anymore.
01:48:49.000 And you're like, no, no, they're jokes.
01:48:51.000 Like, I understand if you don't like it or you're offended, but you're like, they're definitely jokes.
01:48:56.000 He's on stage.
01:48:57.000 He doesn't really think that they threw a fat kid in front of them, and that's not how he feels. 0.98
01:49:03.000 He's saying something that's fucked up and funny. 0.98
01:49:07.000 And it's funny because it's fucked up, because you're not supposed to say it, which is the exact thing he's done his whole career. 0.98
01:49:13.000 Right. 0.94
01:49:14.000 And it's a new bit.
01:49:15.000 It wasn't supposed to be heard outside of that.
01:49:17.000 It wasn't done.
01:49:18.000 And for these people, look, there's a lot of times you'll say something one way, and then you're like, ah, it's not working.
01:49:23.000 And then you'll figure out another way to sneak in through the back door, and it works way better.
01:49:27.000 And then if they heard the first way, and like, this joke sucks, like, no, no, no, I figured out I'll say it later, but now it's already on YouTube.
01:49:33.000 You've ruined the material.
01:49:35.000 Yeah, I mean, he dropped the bit.
01:49:37.000 Because it's just kind of like...
01:49:39.000 Yeah, it's out there.
01:49:39.000 Too much.
01:49:40.000 But he had a fucking hilarious line. 1.00
01:49:42.000 If you ever want people to forget about you jerking off, make jokes about kids getting shot. 1.00
01:49:47.000 Yeah, he does that. 0.99
01:49:48.000 There's also a funny line where he's like, why are you in a suit?
01:49:51.000 Which is funny.
01:49:53.000 But yeah, and then people were talking about how now the parents have to hear this and stuff, and you're like, well, they weren't going to.
01:50:02.000 You took it and put it out, and then CBS picked it up and put it on CBS. So now they're hearing it.
01:50:08.000 But before that, there was just 180 people in Long Island hearing it.
01:50:11.000 Yeah, which is what it was supposed to be.
01:50:13.000 But the thing about working on material is, if you like comedy...
01:50:18.000 You can't release people shit like that because you're never going to get good comedy because every time Dave Chappelle does a workout set or anybody, you're gonna get these half-cooked bits and then you're gonna release them and it's gonna ruin it for you, 0.59
01:50:36.000 it's gonna ruin it for the people that listen. 0.98
01:50:39.000 For the people that are in the room, that's for them.
01:50:41.000 Right.
01:50:42.000 If you're taking it out, like, and there's been a lot of talk about Louis making this copyright thing saying that, you know, that they will take legal action if you print or you do anything to record or do anything to put the material online.
01:50:56.000 Right.
01:50:56.000 And someone's saying he can't do that.
01:50:57.000 I'm like, well, why can't he do that?
01:50:59.000 The difference between that...
01:51:01.000 And music.
01:51:02.000 Like, if you go to hear someone sing a song and you write down the lyrics, you go, oh my god, Gary Clark Jr. has this amazing new song.
01:51:09.000 Here's the lyrics.
01:51:09.000 That doesn't ruin the song.
01:51:11.000 Right.
01:51:11.000 But if you say, oh, he's got this hilarious joke and the twist is, he says this.
01:51:17.000 Well, you just fucked that bit up for everyone that's ever going to listen to it who read that.
01:51:22.000 Right. 0.88
01:51:23.000 Yeah, it's uh, it's frustrating.
01:51:25.000 It was frustrating.
01:51:26.000 And then people start being like, he's alt right now.
01:51:28.000 He's gonna do it.
01:51:29.000 Exactly.
01:51:29.000 No, he's not.
01:51:30.000 People are goddamn crazy. 0.99
01:51:31.000 But the comedians that denounced it were embarrassing. 1.00
01:51:35.000 It's like, do you not know what a workout set is?
01:51:37.000 Do you understand this guy was out of comedy for almost a year? 0.93
01:51:40.000 Do you know that this guy was doing a fucking hour after being out of comedy for almost a year? 1.00
01:51:44.000 Fuck you. 1.00
01:51:45.000 Stop pretending that what you do is different. 1.00
01:51:48.000 Stop. 0.99
01:51:49.000 And so many people were doing it, and it turned out that they had a bunch of jokes that were awful, or about a mass shooting, or about pulling your dick out in front of someone, or about anything along those lines. 0.98
01:52:01.000 It's also a bad precedent to start, where I'm like, do we really want to start publicly shitting on comics' unfinished bits? 0.98
01:52:08.000 Exactly. 0.85
01:52:09.000 That seems like...
01:52:10.000 Because I don't want that...
01:52:11.000 No, especially not. 0.98
01:52:12.000 People are like, I saw a list at the fucking cellar and he's got this hack. 0.97
01:52:15.000 And you're like, give me a moment. 0.98
01:52:16.000 Or tell me behind closed doors that my bit's hacky or something.
01:52:20.000 How long is your a bit ready before...
01:52:23.000 Do you have a Comedy Central special?
01:52:25.000 You have something, right?
01:52:25.000 I have a Netflix half hour and I did a Comedy Central half hour.
01:52:28.000 Okay.
01:52:29.000 So, how long did you have to work on those bits before you were ready to put them on Comedy Central or Netflix?
01:52:37.000 Quite a while.
01:52:37.000 I like to do a bit at least three months before it's somewhere.
01:52:41.000 Yeah.
01:52:42.000 At the very least.
01:52:43.000 At the very least.
01:52:44.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:52:44.000 And it depends on the bit, right?
01:52:46.000 Some bits are pretty fucking good a couple weeks in. 0.90
01:52:48.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.75
01:52:48.000 And other bits are... 0.75
01:52:49.000 I've got a couple bits in my act now, and I'm like, this motherfucker needs an overhaul, and I don't even know where to start. 0.87
01:52:54.000 Yeah, I've had bits that I've done for two years, and then you finally find a line, and you're like, ah, there we go, that was it. 0.89
01:53:00.000 And then you're like, now it's more of a bit.
01:53:03.000 Exactly.
01:53:03.000 Because it takes time to figure it out.
01:53:06.000 But yeah, comics should...
01:53:09.000 But I understand people hate Lewin.
01:53:11.000 They're going to hate him.
01:53:12.000 So whatever he does or says, they're going to be upset.
01:53:14.000 I don't even believe they hate him.
01:53:14.000 I don't believe it.
01:53:15.000 You know what I think a lot of it is? 0.96
01:53:17.000 I think people are justifiably upset at the idea of him jerking off in front of women that didn't want him to. 0.91
01:53:24.000 There's a couple factors to that, though. 0.98
01:53:26.000 One is that he asked. 0.98
01:53:28.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing to want to do, jerk off in front of people, but he asked. 0.91
01:53:32.000 And a lot of these stories, the way you're getting the version of it, it's like worst case scenario. 0.97
01:53:38.000 It's like he blocked the door.
01:53:39.000 He didn't block any doors.
01:53:41.000 And they were laughing.
01:53:43.000 People were joking around.
01:53:44.000 It became this traumatic thing years later, talking about it after the fact.
01:53:50.000 Then on top of that, it's like, God, don't you think the guy has suffered enough?
01:53:54.000 Like, when is he suffering enough?
01:53:57.000 You see this lack of empathy with people where they don't even want to respect that he's a human being.
01:54:01.000 They don't want to appreciate any of his old work.
01:54:05.000 They don't have anything...
01:54:09.000 That he could do that would make them just go, all right, well, I know you're not going to do that again, and you seem like a reasonable person.
01:54:17.000 It's like, you can't be your past.
01:54:19.000 You're not the guy who's shitting that sneaker, right?
01:54:21.000 You're Joe List today.
01:54:22.000 Yeah.
01:54:23.000 Nobody wants to be remembered for the worst thing they did.
01:54:27.000 Right.
01:54:27.000 And I think it's just a thing where they know it's an easy target.
01:54:31.000 I really do. 0.91
01:54:32.000 I think at a certain point in time people just decide that this is a guy that you can take a free shot at and you can shit on him and you can attribute things to him that aren't true.
01:54:41.000 You can attribute a bunch of things to him that are not accurate. 0.90
01:54:44.000 And it's easy, like calling him alt-right, or saying, Louis C.K. showing his true colors now.
01:54:49.000 Jesus Christ, go back and watch his bit about hitting a deer, okay? 0.98
01:54:54.000 It's a fucking ridiculous, really funny material, and that's what I enjoyed about his act. 0.98
01:55:01.000 That bit, if left alone, I mean, it's out of his act now, but if left alone in X amount of time, he would have crafted that into a great bit, I'm sure of it. 0.97
01:55:11.000 Yeah, I agree. 0.98
01:55:12.000 And there was a bunch of shitty, fucking half-assed comics that came out and were talking trash about it. 1.00
01:55:18.000 And I was like, you guys should shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:55:21.000 Because this whole art form is about trial and error. 0.99
01:55:26.000 This whole art form is about being able to work.
01:55:29.000 It's one of the rare things that we need a crowd in order for these things to come alive.
01:55:34.000 We need it.
01:55:35.000 And you have to take chances.
01:55:36.000 I just saw, ironically, with Louis, we went and saw Apocalypse Now during the Tribeca Film Festival, and Francis Ford Coppola was there, and he came out and he spoke about the film beforehand and after.
01:55:46.000 And Robert Duvall was also there, and he came out and went, Charlie, don't surf!
01:55:50.000 It was amazing.
01:55:51.000 And it was really unbelievable, but Coppola was talking after the film, and he was like...
01:55:57.000 I don't know if you know the whole story about Apocalypse Now.
01:55:59.000 That documentary Hearts of Darkness, which is amazing.
01:56:02.000 He put his house up for sale or put everything on the line to make the movie himself.
01:56:07.000 And he was just talking about you have to take chances with art.
01:56:11.000 He's like, there's no art without taking big chances.
01:56:14.000 And I mean, that's...
01:56:17.000 You're taking a chance by doing a joke.
01:56:19.000 I mean, I wouldn't do a joke about the Parkland shooting.
01:56:22.000 I wouldn't either.
01:56:23.000 But, you know, it's a risk and it might go bad.
01:56:27.000 And it went well.
01:56:28.000 It got laughs.
01:56:29.000 Yeah, it got laughs.
01:56:31.000 But certainly if you take anything outside of a comedy club and put it out in the public, it's not for those people.
01:56:37.000 It's for the people that bought the ticket.
01:56:38.000 Well, it's also in context of the experience of being in a comedy club, having a couple drinks, and watching a hilarious guy talk some shit, especially a guy coming back after a national scandal, not worldwide, worldwide scandal. 0.98
01:56:51.000 Yes. 0.98
01:56:52.000 You know, and it's just, look, I wouldn't joke around about them getting shot either, but...
01:56:57.000 One of the things that made that bit work was that, yes, it was a horrible tragedy.
01:57:03.000 Yes, those kids went through that.
01:57:04.000 Yes, they're teenagers.
01:57:05.000 Yes, they're trying to figure out life and they're being interviewed on CNN and some of them are changing their opinions and they're developing and growing as we speak. 0.99
01:57:15.000 But One of them, like the David Ha guy, he wrote, fuck the patriarchy on his Twitter the other day. 0.99
01:57:21.000 That was his tweet. 0.98
01:57:23.000 Not even as a joke.
01:57:24.000 That's an 18-year-old.
01:57:25.000 That's what kids do. 1.00
01:57:27.000 They say silly shit. 1.00
01:57:28.000 That's why the bit worked. 1.00
01:57:30.000 He was like, why are you interesting?
01:57:32.000 Why do I have to hear from you?
01:57:34.000 But...
01:57:35.000 Well, you have to hear from them because their friends got shot.
01:57:38.000 Obviously, this is not a conversation.
01:57:42.000 This is stand-up comedy. 0.99
01:57:43.000 It's an art form in saying things that are funny that are fucked up. 0.97
01:57:46.000 That's part of the art form.
01:57:48.000 If you deny that, that's not the kind of comedy you like, or you don't appreciate what comedy is.
01:57:55.000 Yeah, and also, it's a weird thing where I'm like, I'm for those kids.
01:57:59.000 I'm like, yeah, it's great.
01:58:00.000 Like, this horrible thing happened, and you're like, we're going to use what power we have.
01:58:03.000 I'm like, I think that's great. 0.86
01:58:05.000 And they might actually fucking do something. 0.98
01:58:07.000 I mean, it's like they're making changes, and I'm like, that's like fucking power to the people. 0.99
01:58:11.000 God bless you. 0.97
01:58:12.000 But I can still...
01:58:14.000 Laugh at a joke about it.
01:58:16.000 It's still funny to me to see someone be like, why are you in a...
01:58:18.000 Both things can exist.
01:58:20.000 You can have empathy for murder victims and even be like, wow, that's amazing what these kids are doing.
01:58:27.000 And still laugh at a joke.
01:58:29.000 And still be like, ah, that's funny.
01:58:30.000 It's funny. 0.99
01:58:32.000 It's not his best joke, but it wasn't done, you fucks. 0.99
01:58:35.000 And here's the other thing. 0.99
01:58:37.000 Do you know who Brian Holtzman is?
01:58:39.000 I don't think so.
01:58:40.000 Gotta see him when you're in town, if you can. 0.98
01:58:42.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.99
01:58:43.000 He's a legitimate maniac. 0.99
01:58:45.000 He's a legend in Los Angeles.
01:58:48.000 When I started the Comedy Store in 94, he was already there. 0.96
01:58:50.000 And he's really fucking funny. 0.94
01:58:52.000 Do you remember when Susan Smith drowned her kids? 1.00
01:58:55.000 That lady, she pushed her fucking car into the river or something and drowned her kids. 1.00
01:58:59.000 No, but it sounds hilarious. 1.00
01:59:00.000 He was on stage a very short amount of time afterwards going, ladies and gentlemen, I heard those were bad kids.
01:59:06.000 He goes, I heard they sat that close to the TV. They never put away their blocks.
01:59:10.000 They're always spilling their fucking milk. 1.00
01:59:12.000 Those kids will not be missed. 1.00
01:59:14.000 And you were just like, what?!
01:59:16.000 It's not...
01:59:17.000 He didn't really think those were bad kids. 0.98
01:59:20.000 It's a fucked up thing to say that happens to be funny. 1.00
01:59:23.000 You might not be into that kind of humor. 0.98
01:59:25.000 That's okay.
01:59:26.000 Well, that's part of, I think, what comedy is, or has always been, is saying a thing you're not supposed to say.
01:59:31.000 That's, like, to me, the very idea of comedy.
01:59:33.000 Yes.
01:59:34.000 Is you're saying abnormal things.
01:59:37.000 Right, like you talking about coming in your own face and whatever.
01:59:40.000 Or someone coming in your face.
01:59:41.000 Yeah, you're not supposed to express your sexual desires so openly.
01:59:44.000 It's not...
01:59:45.000 It's not that you really mean that.
01:59:46.000 I do not.
01:59:47.000 It's funny, right?
01:59:48.000 Right?
01:59:49.000 I think so.
01:59:50.000 Right?
01:59:50.000 I was trying to be funny.
01:59:53.000 It's an art form that is often cited or quoted as if it's a statement.
02:00:01.000 Like, he said this.
02:00:03.000 He said that on stage in a comedy club as a part of a big giant chunk about this.
02:00:11.000 And you're taking it out of context and you do it in the worst possible way.
02:00:14.000 You put it in print.
02:00:15.000 Of course it looks terrible.
02:00:16.000 Of course it looks terrible in print.
02:00:18.000 Because it's not in a comedy club and it's not in context.
02:00:20.000 It's like that has no relationship to the actual bit itself.
02:00:25.000 Your print version of it, it's a lie.
02:00:28.000 You should go to jail for saying that's the joke. 1.00
02:00:30.000 You're a liar. 1.00
02:00:31.000 You're a liar. 1.00
02:00:32.000 You're defaming someone. 1.00
02:00:33.000 You're taking what they're doing and you're pretending that what they were saying is what they mean.
02:00:39.000 You know that's not what they mean.
02:00:40.000 But you don't care.
02:00:41.000 Remember that Lenny Boots that's in the movie, Lenny, I think, where he talked about they were like reading his act?
02:00:47.000 Yes.
02:00:48.000 And he's like, but you're not saying it right.
02:00:50.000 Exactly.
02:00:51.000 It's the same thing.
02:00:53.000 Look, no one thinks school shootings are a good thing.
02:00:59.000 No one does.
02:01:00.000 No.
02:01:01.000 No one does.
02:01:03.000 They're doing jokes about it because we know it's a horrible tragedy.
02:01:07.000 That's why jokes work.
02:01:09.000 And they don't work because you're mean. 0.98
02:01:11.000 They don't work because you're horrible.
02:01:12.000 They work because everyone knows you're joking. 1.00
02:01:15.000 If everybody really thought you were a horrible person and you were happy that people got shot, they wouldn't laugh at a goddamn thing you said. 0.99
02:01:21.000 Right. 1.00
02:01:23.000 It's a fucking weird art form. 0.99
02:01:26.000 It's a weird art form. 0.99
02:01:27.000 And for it to be dismantled and disrespected the way it is, where people break down people's bits and take them out of context like that. 0.99
02:01:37.000 It's so foolish. 0.99
02:01:38.000 And the fact that people don't stand up for it, that are in the art form itself, that drives me fucking crazy. 1.00
02:01:46.000 It drove me angry.
02:01:47.000 There's a bunch of people that I won't even talk to anymore.
02:01:49.000 I'm like, I'm not talking to you anymore.
02:01:50.000 Like, this is what you're gonna do if I do a bit that's half cooked? 0.99
02:01:53.000 And then you're gonna talk shit about me? 0.99
02:01:55.000 Right. 0.99
02:01:56.000 You're doing this for your own favor.
02:01:58.000 You're not doing this for the art form.
02:02:01.000 You're not an empathetic person. 1.00
02:02:03.000 You're not looking at him as a human being, saying, well, clearly the guy fucked up. 0.99
02:02:07.000 He made some mistakes. 0.99
02:02:08.000 But look, if you listen to that set, that's a good set. 0.99
02:02:13.000 Especially for a guy who's been out of comedy for almost a fucking year. 0.98
02:02:17.000 Yeah, it's gotten a lot stronger. 0.99
02:02:18.000 I'm sure.
02:02:19.000 He's a hilarious comedian.
02:02:21.000 I mean, he's going to get to a point where he's got a real motherfucker of an hour, and then someone's going to have to figure out whether or not they're willing to take a chance and put it on.
02:02:32.000 Well, it's like you were talking about earlier, too.
02:02:33.000 I mean, you can also just put it on his website or YouTube or whatever.
02:02:36.000 Yes.
02:02:36.000 I hope he does that.
02:02:38.000 You know, I mean, it's this idea that he should be punished for eternity.
02:02:41.000 It's like, what are we, Catholics?
02:02:42.000 Like, what's going on here?
02:02:43.000 Like, what is this?
02:02:44.000 You know, what did he do?
02:02:46.000 I mean, he did something that wound up costing him $35 million.
02:02:50.000 Massive public shame.
02:02:52.000 Still to this day, more than...
02:02:54.000 It's almost like two years later.
02:02:56.000 What is it, like a year and a half now?
02:02:58.000 Yes, November 2017. Yeah.
02:03:00.000 I mean, what the fuck? 0.99
02:03:01.000 Like, what do you want him to do? 0.99
02:03:03.000 You know?
02:03:03.000 I mean, we're not talking about Harvey Weinstein here and this idea that you're...
02:03:08.000 You're not even supposed to compare offenders.
02:03:11.000 You're not supposed to make judgment calls.
02:03:13.000 Well, of course you are.
02:03:14.000 That's why some people go to jail for life, and some people go to jail for two years, and this is the reason why we have lesser punishments for lesser crimes.
02:03:21.000 Right, right.
02:03:21.000 There's a system in place.
02:03:23.000 If you ask people if you can jerk off in front of them, and they say no, and you don't jerk off in front of them, good for you. 0.99
02:03:29.000 You got some restraint. 0.99
02:03:30.000 If you ask people if you can jerk off in front of them, and they say yes, and you do it, maybe it's a weird thing to do, but you're not Bill Cosby, okay? 0.86
02:03:40.000 To say that you're not supposed to make these comparisons, this is a loaded subject too, right? 0.79
02:03:45.000 We're talking about this, and I see you're nervous.
02:03:47.000 Oh yeah, I'm terrified.
02:03:49.000 But yeah, no, I... I love Louie.
02:03:51.000 I love Louie, too.
02:03:52.000 He's a great comic.
02:03:54.000 Yeah, he's a great guy, also.
02:03:55.000 But yeah, I understand people are upset.
02:03:56.000 I get it.
02:03:57.000 I get it.
02:03:58.000 But I think it's disproportionate.
02:03:59.000 I really do.
02:04:01.000 I would agree wholeheartedly, but yeah.
02:04:05.000 How long do you think it's going to be before people just let it go?
02:04:09.000 Well, I think there's actually the group of people that are really upset about it, I think it's probably like a quarter of a million people.
02:04:18.000 That's a lot of people.
02:04:19.000 It's a lot of people, but there's like 300 million people in the country.
02:04:23.000 Maybe it's less than a quarter of a million.
02:04:25.000 I think it's the minority.
02:04:27.000 So you think most people are like, ah, he did something crazy. 0.99
02:04:29.000 But the other thing is you want to kind of see the guy who jerked off in front of women, so people want to go see him live. 0.84
02:04:35.000 I mean, he's a great comic, but I mean, the shows, I mean, I'll read Twitter and stuff. 0.84
02:04:39.000 Sometimes I'll go on, we'll hang out, and I'll just search his name to see.
02:04:42.000 Like, one time we went out to eat in New York, and there was a kid, you know, like a hipstery kid.
02:04:47.000 He looked similar to me, actually.
02:04:49.000 But, like, a young kid, and he stopped and just, like, stared at us and was like...
02:04:54.000 And he started taking photos, and then he left.
02:04:56.000 And then I looked up Louis' name on Twitter, and I found the kid.
02:05:00.000 And he wrote, just, all caps, just gave Louis the finger, which he didn't.
02:05:04.000 He didn't give us the finger.
02:05:06.000 He's virtue signaling.
02:05:07.000 And then he wrote, attention NYU students, this is all caps, Louis C.K. is in the neighborhood, make him uncomfortable, exclamation point.
02:05:16.000 We were like, that's like psychotic.
02:05:18.000 Yeah.
02:05:19.000 But that's what I was talking about earlier, that I think he's a target.
02:05:22.000 And I think they just decide that this is what they're gonna do now.
02:05:24.000 Like that guy, saying that he gave you the finger when he didn't.
02:05:28.000 The virtue signaling aspect of it is one of the weirdest parts about social media because it's people that ordinarily, like in a real-world scenario, you have an opportunity to say something if you really feel so compelled.
02:05:40.000 The guy's right in front of you. 0.99
02:05:41.000 You don't say shit. 0.99
02:05:42.000 And then you get online and tell other people to do it. 0.99
02:05:45.000 Other people to make him uncomfortable.
02:05:47.000 Well, for the most part, yeah, we'll go around and...
02:05:49.000 It is...
02:05:50.000 Everything is...
02:05:50.000 It's the weird thing about online.
02:05:51.000 Most people are much different in person because you realize it's a human being.
02:05:55.000 I think the natural thing is like, oh, this is a person.
02:05:57.000 Exactly.
02:05:57.000 And then, you know, we'll go to like these kind of hipstery coffee shops where you think that...
02:06:02.000 That kind of person would be, and he goes, hi, how are you?
02:06:05.000 Can I get a...
02:06:06.000 And they go, oh, sure, yeah.
02:06:07.000 Nobody...
02:06:08.000 I mean, people will get dirty looks and stuff here and there, but there's way more online than not online.
02:06:13.000 But the shows are all selling out, and there's a few people outside.
02:06:19.000 Has he ever talked to those people outside, or does he just get in?
02:06:22.000 No, I don't think so.
02:06:22.000 How does he get in?
02:06:23.000 This is kind of a back door.
02:06:25.000 We just went in the back, and...
02:06:27.000 You know, good for them.
02:06:29.000 I think that they're misguided, like you said.
02:06:33.000 Yeah.
02:06:33.000 I think they want him to be this evil person they should be protesting against.
02:06:38.000 But I think if you look at it on paper, what he did was just not good.
02:06:43.000 It's like, you know, the worst that I had heard was that some people's careers had suffered because they were talking about it.
02:06:50.000 But I don't know how much of that is accurate.
02:06:54.000 I need to find out about that.
02:06:56.000 Yeah, I don't know either.
02:06:57.000 I don't know the whole time.
02:06:58.000 I always feel like I love Louie.
02:07:00.000 He's one of my best friends now, which is weird to say, but we're close.
02:07:04.000 But I don't...
02:07:06.000 Really begrudge the women. 1.00
02:07:07.000 I think that two different people can have the same experience and take different things from it, feel different ways.
02:07:13.000 That's true.
02:07:13.000 And I understand sexuality is weird.
02:07:16.000 So, like, they could, in the moment, and his perception might be, well, they said yes, and I think he kind of talks about this a little bit on stage, and I don't want to tell his stories to tell, but I think one person can be like, I thought they were into it.
02:07:30.000 I thought they were saying yes, and they're into it.
02:07:31.000 And those women can say... 1.00
02:07:33.000 Can feel, yeah, we kind of said yes, but we felt fucked up and pressured. 0.97
02:07:38.000 Two people can have the same experience and have different perspectives. 0.94
02:07:41.000 Of course.
02:07:41.000 So I don't begrudge any of the women.
02:07:42.000 I understand that they are hurt and feel mistreated.
02:07:47.000 Well, even if you say yes, you're still, and you see something you didn't want to see.
02:07:51.000 You're like, whoa, and then you can never unsee it.
02:07:55.000 Yes.
02:07:55.000 It's like it's in your head.
02:07:56.000 Yeah, I understand they're affected by it. 0.99
02:07:59.000 Does he ever jerk off in front of you? 0.99
02:08:01.000 No, I keep asking. 0.99
02:08:03.000 You won't do it?
02:08:04.000 No, no, I ask him to come to my face.
02:08:05.000 Maybe he has to ask first.
02:08:06.000 Maybe that's his thing.
02:08:07.000 Maybe I blew it.
02:08:08.000 Maybe you have to play shy.
02:08:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:08:10.000 Say, you know what I would hate if you jerked off in front of me? 1.00
02:08:13.000 Say, like, drop hints. 0.99
02:08:14.000 Yeah, yeah, maybe I will.
02:08:16.000 But he's a good person and a great dad, and I love him.
02:08:20.000 I love the guy.
02:08:21.000 Yeah, everybody wants to erase everything he's ever done.
02:08:26.000 Didn't FX not just cancel it, but they made the show unavailable?
02:08:30.000 Yeah, I think you can get it on iTunes.
02:08:32.000 But yeah, it's done.
02:08:34.000 I think he's still on Netflix, though.
02:08:36.000 Yeah, you can still see it.
02:08:38.000 But they canceled the new one that he was going to do.
02:08:41.000 And then Pets 2, they dropped it.
02:08:43.000 They got rid of him.
02:08:44.000 Yeah.
02:08:45.000 So it was a bummer.
02:08:46.000 But it's weird, but people...
02:08:48.000 I mean, shouldn't we be empathetic to all people?
02:08:52.000 Yes.
02:08:53.000 I think we should.
02:08:54.000 I think we should.
02:08:55.000 And I think, you know, maybe it would serve him if he went out and talked about it extensively, like had a conversation about, like maybe videotaped it or something.
02:09:05.000 I mean, I don't know.
02:09:06.000 Like if people had his take on it other than that little letter that he wrote right after it happened.
02:09:11.000 Yeah.
02:09:11.000 Maybe that would help.
02:09:12.000 Yeah.
02:09:12.000 Which I thought was a good apology, a good statement, I thought.
02:09:17.000 Yeah.
02:09:18.000 Some people will never be happy, and some people were happy with it, and some people just felt like it wasn't enough.
02:09:25.000 He didn't specifically say, I am sorry.
02:09:28.000 I feel horrible.
02:09:29.000 I'm sorry I did this. 0.70
02:09:30.000 He basically said he did it, and those stories are true, and that he fucked up, and he thought that by them saying yes, that that was okay. 0.84
02:09:40.000 But meanwhile, he took advantage of the fact they admired him. 0.98
02:09:43.000 Yeah, he expressed regret.
02:09:47.000 But like you said, people are going to be unhappy no matter what.
02:09:50.000 No matter what.
02:09:51.000 Even if he said, I am sorry, that's not good enough, you're only sorry because you got caught.
02:09:54.000 There's some people that are just not empathetic.
02:10:02.000 This is what I really got very angry about with the leak of the recording.
02:10:08.000 I'm like, yeah, it's not his best material.
02:10:09.000 Of course it's not.
02:10:11.000 He hasn't done comedy in 10 months.
02:10:13.000 When I was hearing it from other comedians, I'm like, how do you do this?
02:10:17.000 Don't you do the same thing we do?
02:10:19.000 What are you doing? 1.00
02:10:22.000 He's a fucking person. 1.00
02:10:23.000 He's a human being. 1.00
02:10:25.000 A year and a half of him being stared at everywhere he goes and fucked with. 1.00
02:10:31.000 He gets it. 0.99
02:10:32.000 And losing friends.
02:10:33.000 Yes.
02:10:34.000 I'm sure.
02:10:35.000 Yeah.
02:10:36.000 But those friends, if he lost some friends, he's better off.
02:10:40.000 If he lost friends because of that, if that was Ari, I would call him up. 0.52
02:10:44.000 If there was a New York Times article about Ari jerking off in front of people, I'd be like, bro, I'm a little hurt. 1.00
02:10:49.000 You never jerked off in front of me. 0.98
02:10:51.000 I feel like I wouldn't... 1.00
02:10:52.000 If he's like, I fucked up... 0.99
02:10:54.000 I've had conversations with Ari about things where he's like, I fucked up. 0.97
02:10:58.000 I shouldn't have done that. 1.00
02:10:59.000 It was a bitch move. 1.00
02:11:00.000 He'll tell you. 1.00
02:11:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:11:03.000 You can't do anything like if once you're my friend, like unless you're out there murdering kids or something or doing something really fucked up or actually raping someone. 0.99
02:11:11.000 Yeah. 0.97
02:11:11.000 Any friends that Louie lost for that? 0.97
02:11:13.000 Like come on, man.
02:11:15.000 What did you think?
02:11:17.000 Did you think he was a perfect person? 1.00
02:11:19.000 He's a nut. 1.00
02:11:19.000 He's a maniac. 1.00
02:11:20.000 He's a goddamn professional comedian. 1.00
02:11:22.000 Right, right. 1.00
02:11:22.000 You know? 1.00
02:11:23.000 Yeah, we're flawed people.
02:11:26.000 Yeah, that's how it all comes out good. 0.98
02:11:28.000 It's like there's got to be something fucked up about your head where you can come up with these. 0.99
02:11:35.000 And another one that drives me crazy is these guys who you know are freaks and they're out of their fucking mind offstage. 0.99
02:11:42.000 But on stage they have like sort of a more squeaky clean thing and their public thing is more squeaky clean and they're judgmental about it. 0.99
02:11:49.000 I'm like, oh my god.
02:11:51.000 Like, please stop. 1.00
02:11:52.000 You're fucking crazy as anybody. 1.00
02:11:54.000 You just have a good squeaky clean act. 1.00
02:11:56.000 So shut your hole. 0.99
02:11:57.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:11:57.000 Sometimes I think the people with the cleanest acts are the wildest animals. 0.98
02:12:01.000 It's often the case.
02:12:02.000 Yeah.
02:12:03.000 It's often the case.
02:12:04.000 Yeah.
02:12:04.000 Which is fine, man.
02:12:05.000 Like a perfect example is Brian Regan in a good way. 0.96
02:12:08.000 He is so fucking funny and so clean. 0.95
02:12:13.000 The funniest. 1.00
02:12:14.000 And you go, this guy's got to be fucked up. 1.00
02:12:16.000 There's got to be something wrong with him. 1.00
02:12:17.000 Yeah.
02:12:18.000 Nothing.
02:12:18.000 Hang out with him.
02:12:19.000 Super normal.
02:12:20.000 Friendly guy.
02:12:21.000 Nice to everybody.
02:12:22.000 Great guy.
02:12:23.000 The nicest guy.
02:12:24.000 What is in your dungeon, sir?
02:12:26.000 One time we were hanging out and he was smoking a cigar and I thought it'd be funny to say, hey, can I get a little bit of that cigar? 0.98
02:12:31.000 Because that's such a ridiculous... 0.91
02:12:32.000 And he was like, oh, sure. 0.99
02:12:33.000 And I was like, what?
02:12:34.000 I'm kidding.
02:12:35.000 I wouldn't put my mouth on your cigar.
02:12:37.000 But you would on a joint.
02:12:39.000 You do it with a joint, yeah, which I thought was strange too.
02:12:41.000 And a blunt.
02:12:42.000 You do it with a blunt, which is kind of half joint, half cigar. 1.00
02:12:44.000 Yeah, maybe actually I'm the asshole in this story. 0.99
02:12:47.000 Maybe he's not even that nice. 0.99
02:12:48.000 It's just a normal...
02:12:49.000 No, that is a weird thing to ask.
02:12:51.000 A cigar feels very personal too, and you're like, it's yours for like an hour.
02:12:55.000 Exactly.
02:12:55.000 The joint's just kind of a quick...
02:12:57.000 Well, yeah, joint's two hits.
02:12:58.000 Like if you have a whole joint to yourself, you're greedy.
02:13:00.000 Yeah.
02:13:01.000 There's also a camaraderie thing that comes from smoking joints together.
02:13:05.000 Yeah, I agree.
02:13:06.000 Yeah.
02:13:07.000 Let's do it.
02:13:07.000 I'm back.
02:13:08.000 You ready?
02:13:09.000 Yeah.
02:13:09.000 Got some right here.
02:13:10.000 It's all over the place.
02:13:11.000 Oh, wow.
02:13:11.000 This is all filled with weed.
02:13:12.000 See that chest over there?
02:13:14.000 That's a full chest filled with weed.
02:13:16.000 Wow.
02:13:16.000 Isn't that...
02:13:18.000 Couldn't you get in trouble for that?
02:13:19.000 No, it's legal.
02:13:20.000 But with that much, couldn't they get you for intent to distribute or something?
02:13:23.000 No.
02:13:24.000 It's legal here.
02:13:25.000 Really?
02:13:26.000 You can just have a case?
02:13:27.000 Yeah, marijuana is legal.
02:13:28.000 But like guns are illegal, but that guy had a thousand.
02:13:30.000 Yeah, but that guy had illegal sales.
02:13:32.000 He was selling guns.
02:13:34.000 I see.
02:13:34.000 They got tipped off that he was a dealer.
02:13:36.000 He's probably selling it to gang members and drug dealers and such.
02:13:39.000 Oh no.
02:13:40.000 Oh my.
02:13:41.000 Do you think about having just a little weed, just a little...
02:13:46.000 Just a little touch?
02:13:47.000 Or would you just go start shooting heroin immediately afterwards?
02:13:51.000 No, I don't think I would do that, but I don't think...
02:13:53.000 Weed does not as much excite me or anything.
02:13:57.000 What does?
02:13:58.000 Drinking?
02:13:59.000 Yeah, I mean, I love drinking.
02:14:01.000 I mean, I still joke about it.
02:14:04.000 I love my sobriety, but like one and a half Vicodin and three beer was like the best I've ever felt in my entire life.
02:14:12.000 Yeah, and like a cigar.
02:14:13.000 I went to Baghdad.
02:14:14.000 I did like a USO thing with Nate Bargetzi.
02:14:17.000 And we had like, we bought Cubans and I had some Vicodin.
02:14:21.000 I took like a Vicodin.
02:14:23.000 I don't know if he did.
02:14:24.000 I don't want to...
02:14:25.000 I don't think he did.
02:14:26.000 But I had a Vicodin, we had a couple beers, and we were at Saddam Hussein's palace.
02:14:30.000 And in the moment, I was like, this is the best I've ever felt.
02:14:33.000 Did you do stand-up over there?
02:14:35.000 Yeah.
02:14:35.000 What is it like doing stand-up for the troops over there?
02:14:37.000 It was fun.
02:14:38.000 It was the most grateful audience.
02:14:40.000 They were so nice and kind.
02:14:42.000 It was really cool.
02:14:43.000 I mean, some of it sucked because some of it was like 2 in the afternoon and there's like 12 guys. 0.99
02:14:48.000 It's fucking 100 degrees. 0.99
02:14:49.000 They're holding rifles being like, what the fuck is this? 1.00
02:14:52.000 That was the show? 0.99
02:14:53.000 A couple of them, yeah.
02:14:54.000 Some of them were like, the ones in Kuwait were better because that was like not a war zone.
02:14:59.000 And you're on a base and there'd be like 100 people. 0.91
02:15:01.000 But some of them were like just in the middle of like 11 o'clock in the morning in the middle of fucking Baghdad. 0.98
02:15:07.000 Wow. 0.97
02:15:08.000 But it was pretty amazing.
02:15:09.000 We got to fly on these Blackhawks and we were in Baghdad. 0.97
02:15:12.000 We went by those cross swords and stuff where the statue was pulled down and shit. 0.93
02:15:17.000 What did you do when you were in Saddam Hussein's palace? 0.98
02:15:20.000 That became like an American base.
02:15:22.000 We stayed there.
02:15:23.000 Wow. 0.98
02:15:23.000 Yeah, it's kind of fucking- You stayed in Saddam Hussein's palace? 0.98
02:15:26.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:15:27.000 It's pretty crazy. 0.99
02:15:27.000 Did you jerk off in Saddam Hussein's palace? 0.99
02:15:28.000 I don't think I did. 0.96
02:15:29.000 I think Nate and I shared a room and I asked and he said no.
02:15:33.000 I would have to.
02:15:34.000 I think I'd feel compelled.
02:15:35.000 I'd be like, bro, you're going to have to leave the room.
02:15:37.000 I got a goal.
02:15:38.000 I got to check something off the list.
02:15:40.000 It's it's a bizarre feeling cuz you know we like it was like You know we took over and then just made this palace into a base and there's like a driving range You can like hit into like his prayer pond or whatever Whatever the fuck it is like reflection pool. 0.97
02:15:53.000 He's got a prayer pond filled with golf balls.
02:15:55.000 Yeah, that's hilarious And they sell Cubans and like the lobby America.
02:15:59.000 Yeah, we're some we're pretty cool. 0.99
02:16:01.000 We are fucking something. 0.98
02:16:02.000 Yeah But no, it was amazing. 0.99
02:16:04.000 It was awesome One time we were on the Blackhawk helicopter and they shoot flares out for whatever.
02:16:09.000 I can't remember why on every flight, but they didn't tell us that.
02:16:12.000 So all of a sudden you just hear like, and you feel the heat. 0.99
02:16:16.000 And I thought we were in a fucking battle. 0.99
02:16:18.000 Like I almost shit my pit. 1.00
02:16:19.000 Like it felt like, you know, when you don't have to shit and all of a sudden you're like, this is shit. 1.00
02:16:22.000 I could shit right now. 1.00
02:16:23.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:16:24.000 It was that feeling.
02:16:25.000 Your body tries to evacuate anything in there because it thinks it's in danger.
02:16:28.000 Yeah, so we want to be able to run.
02:16:30.000 Let's get all our fecal matter out. 1.00
02:16:31.000 When you get really nervous like that, you immediately have to piss and shit. 1.00
02:16:34.000 Yeah, I just took a huge shit right before this show. 1.00
02:16:36.000 Did you use the little buttons on the toilet to shoot water up your asshole? 1.00
02:16:40.000 It wasn't here. 1.00
02:16:41.000 I was afraid you'd beat me up if I shit. 0.99
02:16:43.000 So I was at the Starbucks. 0.99
02:16:44.000 You know who did do that?
02:16:45.000 James Brown.
02:16:46.000 That's one of the ways he got arrested.
02:16:48.000 He shot at someone who used his toilet.
02:16:52.000 Oh, I think maybe he should be.
02:16:53.000 And then he got in a shootout with the cops.
02:16:54.000 No, I wish.
02:16:54.000 There's a picture of him.
02:16:56.000 His mugshot right out there was from that arrest.
02:16:59.000 Wow.
02:17:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:17:02.000 Yeah, I shit at Starbucks. 1.00
02:17:03.000 I was at this Starbucks across the street, by the way. 1.00
02:17:05.000 Making homeless cooties.
02:17:07.000 I was in line and like a dude, a white dude with a skateboard just cut in front of me in the line.
02:17:15.000 It was very bizarre.
02:17:15.000 And I said, I'm next.
02:17:19.000 And he's like, can I just buy some gum?
02:17:21.000 He was buying Starbucks gum, which is already a red flag.
02:17:24.000 And I was like, I guess.
02:17:26.000 I mean, I was in line.
02:17:27.000 He's like, I need to be working five minutes. 1.00
02:17:30.000 Wow, what a dick. 1.00
02:17:30.000 I didn't know you could do that. 1.00
02:17:32.000 You can't do that.
02:17:33.000 I was like, alright, I don't have to be anywhere.
02:17:35.000 Especially if he talked to you like that.
02:17:36.000 I was early. 1.00
02:17:37.000 But yeah, he looked at me like I was an asshole. 1.00
02:17:39.000 Yeah, he's a dick. 1.00
02:17:41.000 I was like, maybe you shouldn't be buying gum. 0.99
02:17:42.000 Also, maybe you might want to find a different means of transportation than a skateboard. 1.00
02:17:45.000 Yeah, you late fuck. 1.00
02:17:46.000 Yeah, you fucking late loser. 1.00
02:17:48.000 I'm gonna be at work in five minutes and I need gum. 1.00
02:17:50.000 What do you do?
02:17:51.000 Do you talk clothes for a living? 1.00
02:17:52.000 Yeah, you fucking jerk. 1.00
02:17:53.000 If you're listening. 1.00
02:17:54.000 He probably listens.
02:17:55.000 He doesn't know.
02:17:55.000 He didn't know where I was going.
02:17:56.000 He didn't know.
02:17:57.000 He's probably like, I'm so sorry, bro.
02:17:59.000 Yeah.
02:17:59.000 I didn't want to get knocked at work.
02:18:03.000 I'm going to get in trouble, man.
02:18:06.000 Yeah, I hate that guy.
02:18:06.000 When was the last time you had a job?
02:18:10.000 2007. What'd you do?
02:18:12.000 I worked at Sears.
02:18:13.000 I did loss prevention.
02:18:14.000 It was amazing.
02:18:15.000 It was one of the best day jobs ever.
02:18:17.000 Really?
02:18:17.000 Well, my cousin was the boss, which helped, and he let me work from 10 to 6, which is great comedy hours.
02:18:23.000 And then we were like plain clothed, I guess.
02:18:27.000 Oh, so you just walked around and busted people stealing.
02:18:29.000 Yeah, it had like a little radio on the belt, and then we had a crazy camera system for 2007. I think we had 82 cameras, and you could zoom and shit, and you just watch people all day, and then you'd walk around the store and be like, keep an eye on camera 11 now.
02:18:45.000 So you're like a secret agent. 0.98
02:18:46.000 It was fun.
02:18:47.000 It was really fun. 1.00
02:18:48.000 And we got to stop shoplifters and shit. 0.99
02:18:50.000 It was amazing. 0.99
02:18:51.000 I actually miss it.
02:18:52.000 It was really fun.
02:18:54.000 Wow.
02:18:55.000 I used to work for a private investigator.
02:18:58.000 Similar.
02:18:59.000 Yeah.
02:19:00.000 It actually turned out it was one of those people where you meet and you go, this guy should be a comedian.
02:19:06.000 He was hilarious.
02:19:07.000 His name is Dave Dolan.
02:19:07.000 He's dead now.
02:19:08.000 And I keep a voicemail message from him just because he was such a character. 1.00
02:19:15.000 He was just such a fucking character. 0.95
02:19:18.000 And he was hilarious, and he got a DUI, and they took away his license, and what he really needed was not an assistant, he needed a driver. 0.98
02:19:26.000 So I just had to have a good driver's license.
02:19:30.000 But I was working as an assistant, and then we became friends, and we'd bus people.
02:19:34.000 Mostly people that were stealing insurance money.
02:19:37.000 They were like doing things like pretending they were injured and they take another job on the side and then we'd catch them. 0.98
02:19:44.000 We'd have to get there like 5 o'clock in the morning and wait for them to get up and go to work and then follow them take pictures of them and shit. 0.98
02:19:48.000 That's fun. 0.96
02:19:49.000 It was a fun gig.
02:19:50.000 Yeah, it was fun.
02:19:51.000 It was real fun, too, because he was actually cousins with Bill Downs, who was one of the owners of the Comedy Connections.
02:19:57.000 Bill No Money Downs.
02:19:58.000 That's it.
02:19:58.000 Yeah.
02:19:59.000 I worked for that guy a couple times.
02:20:00.000 Yeah, me too, many times.
02:20:02.000 And Dave was his cousin. 0.70
02:20:05.000 So it was just dumb luck.
02:20:07.000 I became friends with this guy from driving him around, and his cousin was one of the guys that owned the Comedy Connection.
02:20:15.000 Wow.
02:20:15.000 Yeah.
02:20:16.000 I loved working at the series.
02:20:18.000 It was fun.
02:20:18.000 I feel like comedians are actually good at that job because we're hyper-aware and we're doing a lot of judging anyways.
02:20:23.000 You watch an audience come in, you're like, that guy's gonna hate me, this woman's too drunk, that guy's fat.
02:20:27.000 Right.
02:20:28.000 And I think it's similar to shoplift where you're like, something's up with this guy.
02:20:31.000 Well, it's also like, it sounds like a job that doesn't suck.
02:20:34.000 Like you can wander around, no one's telling you what to do. 1.00
02:20:37.000 It's not like you're stuck at a fucking desk going over stupid numbers or something you don't give a fuck about. 1.00
02:20:42.000 Yeah, and it's low maintenance physically. 1.00
02:20:44.000 I know guys in New York that are like movers for their day job, and I'm like, you can't have a fucking manual labor job. 0.95
02:20:50.000 You get up at 6 and you're carrying couches, you're not going to hit an open mic at 8 p.m. 0.97
02:20:54.000 You're going to be exhausted.
02:20:55.000 But I loved it, and having your cousin as the boss is great.
02:20:58.000 I streaked through a Sears at my last day.
02:21:00.000 You took your clothes off?
02:21:02.000 Yeah, we decided, well, I couldn't go naked because it's like a sex crime, so I covered my face with a brown paper bag and bought like a candy thong necklace at the...
02:21:11.000 It's not a necklace.
02:21:12.000 It's a candy thong at Spencer's Gifts, and I wore that.
02:21:15.000 I got videos of it.
02:21:16.000 My buddy just sent it to me.
02:21:17.000 I hadn't seen it in like 12 years.
02:21:18.000 It's a sex crime if you take your clothes off?
02:21:20.000 Yeah, if you run through naked, yeah.
02:21:23.000 That's hilarious. 0.87
02:21:23.000 That's a sex crime. 0.87
02:21:25.000 So I was like, I better- But to have no clothes on, which is how you are naturally, how you're born. 0.99
02:21:29.000 You are a walking sex crime. 1.00
02:21:31.000 I get it. 1.00
02:21:31.000 You can't have people running around naked in a store. 1.00
02:21:34.000 But wait a minute.
02:21:34.000 Wait a minute.
02:21:35.000 But why not?
02:21:38.000 What is the problem?
02:21:39.000 Well, we're living in a society, Joe.
02:21:41.000 Okay, if a woman walked through a store naked, do you think she should go to jail? 1.00
02:21:46.000 I would assume she has a mental problem. 0.99
02:21:49.000 Or she just likes to be naked. 0.99
02:21:51.000 If a gal goes through a place, like maybe you're at Target, and some gal decides to take off her clothes and walk as far as she can through Target before they arrest her, are you in support of her being arrested and taken to a jail and hit with a sex crime?
02:22:06.000 No, I'm not in support of that.
02:22:07.000 But there's a lot of rules and laws that I'm not in support of that.
02:22:11.000 But it seems like it's okay if a guy gets arrested doing that.
02:22:15.000 Well, it depends on what he's doing, I suppose.
02:22:17.000 That's how I feel. 1.00
02:22:18.000 If a guy's running around naked, dicks flopping around inside Target, that guy's a criminal. 1.00
02:22:25.000 Is he hard or not? 1.00
02:22:26.000 Is he hard or not?
02:22:26.000 It's a good question.
02:22:27.000 It's a very good question.
02:22:28.000 Interesting. 0.79
02:22:28.000 He's a hard criminal. 0.79
02:22:30.000 Yeah, if he's hard, he goes straight to jail. 0.99
02:22:32.000 Right to the electric chair. 0.96
02:22:33.000 That's particularly sexual. 1.00
02:22:36.000 But just his cock. 1.00
02:22:38.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:22:39.000 It's an electric condom. 1.00
02:22:39.000 What if he's got all his clothes on, except for his cock and balls, and he's just riding out? 1.00
02:22:45.000 You know, he's got a... 1.00
02:22:47.000 Just coming out of the...
02:22:48.000 Isn't that a rule in San Francisco?
02:22:49.000 Like, you can walk around naked, you just can't have a hard on.
02:22:52.000 Is that true?
02:22:53.000 Really?
02:22:53.000 I just heard Brian Callen say that.
02:22:56.000 Why don't you Google that?
02:22:57.000 Google that.
02:22:58.000 We need to find out if this is true.
02:22:59.000 In New York, I know in the park, you can be naked.
02:23:02.000 I think naked.
02:23:02.000 Really?
02:23:02.000 You can walk around topless.
02:23:04.000 I've seen a couple of women. 1.00
02:23:05.000 Women are allowed to go topless because men used to be able to go top. 1.00
02:23:08.000 Well, men could go topless forever, but there was a rule that said that women couldn't, and women are like, well, this is bullshit. 0.99
02:23:13.000 And they're right. 0.98
02:23:14.000 And I think a lot of them didn't even want to be topless.
02:23:16.000 Right. 0.99
02:23:16.000 But they were like, well, this is fucked up. 0.99
02:23:18.000 People telling us that our nip... 0.99
02:23:19.000 Like Sarah Silverman.
02:23:20.000 Sarah Silverman just posted on Instagram a photo of her mirror, like her bathroom mirror. 0.99
02:23:26.000 And you can see her tits in the mirror. 1.00
02:23:27.000 She did it on purpose to make a point. 0.99
02:23:30.000 First of all, she did it because she has great tits. 1.00
02:23:32.000 Okay. 1.00
02:23:33.000 She wanted everybody to see her great tits. 1.00
02:23:34.000 That's fair. 0.99
02:23:34.000 They're pretty fantastic. 0.99
02:23:35.000 I missed it.
02:23:36.000 I'm bummed. 0.99
02:23:36.000 But also, why is it okay if you could see my tits? 0.99
02:23:40.000 Why is it okay to see my nipples, but you can't see her nipples? 1.00
02:23:43.000 What are we, babies? 0.99
02:23:45.000 I agree.
02:23:46.000 Free the nipple, I'm for it. 0.90
02:23:48.000 Instagram is really hardcore on that, but Twitter? 1.00
02:23:51.000 You could do porn. 0.99
02:23:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:23:53.000 They'll have porn on fucking Twitter. 1.00
02:23:55.000 I follow porn stars. 1.00
02:23:57.000 Watch them fuck. 1.00
02:23:58.000 Maybe I'll do some porn. 1.00
02:23:59.000 You think so? 0.99
02:24:00.000 Yeah, why not? 1.00
02:24:01.000 I got a dick. 1.00
02:24:02.000 You do have a dick. 1.00
02:24:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:24:04.000 That's what I hear.
02:24:04.000 Yeah, it's nice.
02:24:06.000 Do you think that you should be arrested if you just walk around naked?
02:24:12.000 If I was making the rule, I don't know.
02:24:15.000 It's hard because it's...
02:24:16.000 It's all in what you do with it.
02:24:17.000 If you go rubbing it on people, yeah.
02:24:19.000 Yeah, certainly.
02:24:20.000 But if you just walk around naked and kids point at you and laugh and you go, huh?
02:24:24.000 That's the thing.
02:24:25.000 It depends.
02:24:25.000 I mean, there should be adult areas where you can walk around naked, I think.
02:24:29.000 Like a nude beach.
02:24:30.000 Yes, they have those.
02:24:31.000 They have those.
02:24:32.000 Yeah.
02:24:32.000 But arrested, I don't know.
02:24:33.000 I would just assume someone is a little off mentally walking around naked.
02:24:38.000 Exactly.
02:24:38.000 Because there are societary norms.
02:24:43.000 No, I don't think so.
02:24:45.000 It sounds like a guy.
02:24:46.000 It sounds like a horse that wins the Kentucky Derby.
02:24:50.000 It says that they changed the public nudity law in San Francisco in like 2013, I think.
02:24:58.000 But we were there when you shot your special and 100% I was at the top of Lombard Street and there was a large gathering of naked people. 0.98
02:25:05.000 So I don't know what the fuck that was about. 0.99
02:25:08.000 Nonsense. 0.99
02:25:10.000 There's cops right there. 0.57
02:25:10.000 They didn't stop them from doing anything. 0.57
02:25:12.000 I have pictures of it.
02:25:13.000 I don't know what that was about.
02:25:14.000 What am I going to do?
02:25:15.000 I got to wrap this up. 1.00
02:25:17.000 Joe List, you're a funny motherfucker. 1.00
02:25:18.000 Thanks for having me. 0.99
02:25:19.000 Appreciate you.
02:25:19.000 I appreciate it.
02:25:20.000 Comedy's very funny.
02:25:21.000 I hope it was okay.
02:25:21.000 You were great.
02:25:22.000 And people can see your Netflix special.
02:25:24.000 It's available.
02:25:25.000 And Comedy Central, they have it online too, right?
02:25:27.000 Yeah, it's online.
02:25:28.000 The Netflix thing is the stand-up.
02:25:30.000 Season two of the stand-ups.
02:25:32.000 It's a half hour.
02:25:33.000 And I got a couple albums online and stuff.
02:25:34.000 And Joe List would be with me tonight at the Improv.
02:25:37.000 It's sold out two shows with Burt Kreischer and Andrew motherfucking Santino. 0.62
02:25:43.000 That's it, folks. 0.89
02:25:44.000 Bye, everybody.
02:25:45.000 Thanks.
02:25:45.000 Say bye, Joe List.
02:25:46.000 Thanks.
02:25:46.000 Oh, Joe List Comedy?
02:25:47.000 Is that your...
02:25:48.000 What's your Instagram and Twitter?
02:25:49.000 At Joe List Comedy, Instagram and Twitter.
02:25:50.000 All right.
02:25:51.000 Bye!