The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1298 - Neal Brennan

00:00:01.000 Let me sign my waiver.

00:00:03.000 Sign the waiver.

00:00:04.000 We're live.

00:00:05.000 Great.

00:00:07.000 I'm glad that people are seeing me.

00:00:09.000 As everyone will be a notary public.

00:00:13.000 I wonder if there's a software that can listen to the sound your pen is making and figure out the lines you're drawing.

00:00:21.000 You know, they have technology now where when people are speaking in a room with a window...

00:00:28.000 They can get rid of the window noise?

00:00:29.000 No, they can tune into the vibrations of the window from the sound of your voice and pick up everything that's being said in the room.

00:00:38.000 I heard that there's a Netflix... 0.97

00:00:41.000 I mean, Netflix doesn't give people ratings, but there's a way that they can gauge reflections off of some weird fucking technology. 0.90

00:00:56.000 And it's fairly accurate. 0.79

00:00:58.000 Reflections off of windows?

00:01:00.000 Yes.

00:01:00.000 This is second hand.

00:01:03.000 I believe it's sound waves.

00:01:07.000 Oh, wow.

00:01:08.000 What are they monitoring?

00:01:09.000 Jamie's got something.

00:01:10.000 I have no idea.

00:01:11.000 We can buy this right now if you want.

00:01:13.000 Long-range laser listening device.

00:01:15.000 The long-range laser listening device, laser microscope, is a highly sophisticated surveillance apparatus that utilizes an invisible infrared laser beam to eavesdrop on a target.

00:01:26.000 This is the most effective long-range laser listening device in the world that allows the operator to conduct an undetectable surveillance operation on any targeted device.

00:01:35.000 From Tony Stark Industries.

00:01:37.000 With at least one window at an impressive distance of over 500 meters.

00:01:42.000 That is actually very impressive.

00:01:44.000 That's far. 1.00

00:01:44.000 That's far as shit. 1.00

00:01:46.000 With a laser beam. 1.00

00:01:48.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:01:48.000 And you can just buy that? 1.00

00:01:50.000 As I say, that's commercially available, and I wonder what is not commercially available.

00:01:53.000 Oh, for sure.

00:01:54.000 Right.

00:01:55.000 That is out there.

00:01:55.000 Like, you remember when there was that story about some weird sound weapon they think that the Cubans were using on Americans that were in Cuba?

00:02:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:04.000 Probably a bunch of shit like that. 1.00

00:02:05.000 I was reading an article. 1.00

00:02:07.000 Submarines have technology they can listen to.

00:02:09.000 Basically, fish farting in the ocean if they wanted to.

00:02:12.000 They can hear sounds that quiet.

00:02:14.000 They can hear anything.

00:02:16.000 Literally, if fish farts, they're like, what was that?

00:02:18.000 Was that a sub?

00:02:19.000 Nope, it was a fish.

00:02:20.000 What was the next sound?

00:02:22.000 Good for us.

00:02:24.000 Or something.

00:02:25.000 Good for somebody.

00:02:27.000 Good for us, I guess.

00:02:29.000 The sound thing was funny because people would get sick Yeah.

00:02:34.000 And they could, and then there was also, they did it in China, too.

00:02:36.000 They were like, they, at American civil, like, NG, like, non-government, or like, kind of worked for the government tangentially, or they worked at the embassy.

00:02:46.000 Their apartments were above each other, two separate people, and both of them.

00:02:49.000 It was on 60 Minutes, like, not long ago.

00:02:51.000 So they targeted the rooms.

00:02:52.000 Yeah.

00:02:54.000 It's like a dog whistle for people.

00:02:56.000 Yes, in essence.

00:02:58.000 And it's like, well, what do you want me to do?

00:03:00.000 I guess you just leave.

00:03:02.000 I guess it is like a dog whistle. 1.00

00:03:03.000 Yeah, they just want you to feel like shit. 1.00

00:03:05.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:03:08.000 Yeah, there's probably a ton of technology like that that we're not aware of. 0.84

00:03:11.000 My friend Mike Swick used to fight in the UFC, and before that, he did a brief stint in the military.

00:03:19.000 He was doing something, some sort of...

00:03:23.000 It was either Secret Service work or something along those lines.

00:03:26.000 But anyway, he was at the embassy in Russia.

00:03:28.000 And he said that they had found listening devices that were so sophisticated that they were being powered by the natural sway of the building with the wind.

00:03:39.000 So they didn't need a power source.

00:03:42.000 The natural swaying of the building in the wind was powering up this little microphone that was listening in on things.

00:03:49.000 And he said they were looking at this stuff and they're like, we don't know anything like this.

00:03:54.000 This is completely new stuff.

00:03:56.000 And we found it.

00:03:58.000 In this building.

00:04:00.000 I like...

00:04:00.000 I mean, I don't love...

00:04:01.000 But it's like...

00:04:02.000 It's kind of cool.

00:04:02.000 It's cool.

00:04:03.000 Yeah.

00:04:03.000 Like, I just don't kill me or us.

00:04:07.000 You know what I mean?

00:04:07.000 Like, the hope is we just...

00:04:09.000 They have their thing and it's just like mutually assured destruction.

00:04:13.000 Like an arms race of technology.

00:04:15.000 Because that's what's going to happen.

00:04:17.000 Do you use the cloud?

00:04:19.000 Yes.

00:04:21.000 I know.

00:04:22.000 I don't use it for important stuff.

00:04:24.000 Yeah.

00:04:24.000 But I use it for like my apps.

00:04:26.000 Yeah.

00:04:27.000 My apps are backed up in the cloud.

00:04:29.000 Recordings are backed up in the cloud.

00:04:31.000 Sets.

00:04:31.000 Sets of them.

00:04:32.000 Yeah, but there's like photos or video.

00:04:34.000 It's just a bit like...

00:04:35.000 Not much.

00:04:35.000 I don't know, man.

00:04:36.000 It gets fucking crazy. 0.65

00:04:37.000 I mean, we're getting down to some very strange place with the cloud. 0.96

00:04:43.000 With stuff being just in the air.

00:04:44.000 And the amount of trust it takes...

00:04:49.000 The presumption that we'll just never run out of energy and we'll never run out of the ability to tap into the cloud is like, that seems presumption.

00:04:57.000 I'm not even like a doomsday person, but I just feel like it's like the difference between how men dress in public and how women dress.

00:05:04.000 Like on a night out, women are wearing heels and guys are dressed in case they have to fight. 1.00

00:05:10.000 I'm still, like we will do the thing in the mirror where we're like, I'll fucking, I'll fuck you up! 0.99

00:05:15.000 And, like, that's how I feel with technology, where I'm like, do I have a backup plan for this? 0.99

00:05:20.000 Even people with, like, Wi-Fi door locks, I'm like, I don't know, man.

00:05:26.000 I don't know, man.

00:05:26.000 I don't know.

00:05:27.000 If the Wi-Fi goes out, what are you going to do?

00:05:29.000 Yeah, like, please be careful.

00:05:31.000 I don't know what the negative scenario is.

00:05:34.000 But even my garage in my place, I live in, like, a townhouse thing.

00:05:41.000 And there was a power outage.

00:05:42.000 The gate won't open.

00:05:47.000 There's no release?

00:05:48.000 There was a release that somebody...

00:05:54.000 A better person than I figured out, you know what I mean?

00:05:57.000 Like, I was just like, I can't come.

00:05:59.000 Like, a little Uber? 0.64

00:06:01.000 I didn't have a fucking plan, but someone figured out, like, you open a hatch, and then there's a chain, and you gotta pull the chain, and it was like, okay. 0.97

00:06:08.000 But it wasn't easy. 0.98

00:06:12.000 Like, you know, it's the doomsday thing.

00:06:15.000 It's like, eh.

00:06:16.000 Well, this guy, Graham Hancock...

00:06:19.000 This guy's been on my show several times and he's just on recently.

00:06:22.000 And he's one of the main proponents of this theory that something somewhere around 12,800 years ago hit the earth and fucked up everything and probably reset civilization, killed off the vast majority of us.

00:06:34.000 12,000 years ago.

00:06:36.000 That's not that long ago.

00:06:36.000 Not that long ago at all.

00:06:38.000 It corresponds with the end of the Ice Age.

00:06:40.000 There's a lot of physical evidence for it.

00:06:41.000 And increasingly, we're seeing more and more evidence in terms of ancient cultures that existed far before 12,800 years ago that they really didn't understand.

00:06:52.000 They thought people were just hunter-gatherers back then.

00:06:54.000 Now they're finding evidence of things like – there's a place called Gobekli Tepe, which is a giant – these huge monolithic structures that are made out of stone, like huge columns that don't seem like they were made by hunter-gatherers.

00:07:07.000 It seems like there was probably some sort of a lost civilization.

00:07:09.000 And they know that this all happened somewhere around that time, somewhere around 12,000 years ago.

00:07:14.000 So it can happen again.

00:07:17.000 And if it does happen again, all our stuff is on digital now, which is even weirder.

00:07:22.000 It's weirder than books.

00:07:23.000 We have books, but the vast majority of most of the data that we all keep and share, we share on phones and on computers.

00:07:31.000 Yeah.

00:07:32.000 And we can't read it.

00:07:33.000 We can't read it without programs.

00:07:34.000 I don't know the first thing about...

00:07:37.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:07:38.000 Like, I don't know anything about...

00:07:40.000 I was talking last night, like, I don't know much about my...

00:07:45.000 The level of education women have about their reproductive organs versus men.

00:07:51.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:07:51.000 Like, my balls. 1.00

00:07:54.000 I know about my balls. 1.00

00:07:55.000 I know that the medical term is testicles. 1.00

00:07:58.000 Hmm. 0.99

00:07:59.000 That's about it, Joe.

00:08:01.000 Don't get them hot.

00:08:02.000 If you get them hot, it's bad.

00:08:02.000 Yeah, again, that's like a child.

00:08:05.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:08:07.000 And you only know that from like, oh, because I got them hot one time.

00:08:11.000 But I don't know how...

00:08:14.000 Semen gets to the... 0.99

00:08:16.000 I don't know the name of the two.

00:08:17.000 I don't know anything.

00:08:19.000 And that's my body.

00:08:22.000 Women know tons. 1.00

00:08:23.000 They know fallopian tubes, vulva, cervix, like everything.

00:08:27.000 Yeah, guys know prostate cancer.

00:08:30.000 What? 1.00

00:08:31.000 My asshole? 1.00

00:08:33.000 Cancer. 1.00

00:08:34.000 And not curious.

00:08:35.000 I mean, like curious in a way of like, ah, let's just hope...

00:08:39.000 Just hope for those.

00:08:40.000 It's none of my business. 0.99

00:08:42.000 Plus, to get checked out, you have to have a finger in your ass, and everybody puts that off. 1.00

00:08:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:46.000 Now, meanwhile, women do that once a year. 1.00

00:08:49.000 Constantly.

00:08:49.000 They're always getting jabbed at and swabbed.

00:08:52.000 Swabbed.

00:08:52.000 Yeah, they get the pap smear.

00:08:54.000 A smear.

00:08:54.000 Smear's in the title.

00:08:55.000 Yeah.

00:08:56.000 Oof.

00:08:56.000 Ugh.

00:08:57.000 Jesus.

00:08:58.000 Imagine if you needed people to come inside you.

00:09:04.000 You needed them to not just exchange bodily fluids by kissing.

00:09:08.000 No, they have to squirt something in you to make people.

00:09:12.000 Yeah.

00:09:13.000 It's an odd... 0.99

00:09:14.000 Their poisonous little dirty DNA. Their dirty little fucking infected... 1.00

00:09:21.000 It's awfully gross. 1.00

00:09:25.000 If you get like 10 feet away from it, you're like, Jesus, I don't know what they're doing.

00:09:30.000 But while you're in the moment, it seems like the thing to do.

00:09:31.000 It's the most logical.

00:09:32.000 You gotta do it.

00:09:33.000 Can't not do it.

00:09:34.000 Yeah.

00:09:35.000 Speaking of that, did you see the thing about Gerard?

00:09:39.000 No.

00:09:40.000 If you want to bring it up.

00:09:42.000 But he basically came out a little on HBO. Came out a little?

00:09:47.000 Came out a little to his mom. 0.93

00:09:49.000 Said, I've had sexual experiences with men. 0.89

00:09:52.000 Uh-oh.

00:09:54.000 And it's just like that.

00:09:56.000 Was she cool with it?

00:09:58.000 Yeah.

00:09:58.000 She was cool with it.

00:10:00.000 That's the thing.

00:10:01.000 People are like, what do you think?

00:10:02.000 I'm like, I don't...

00:10:03.000 Sexual preference at this point to me is about as interesting as your workout.

00:10:08.000 I just don't care.

00:10:09.000 What are you doing?

00:10:09.000 Cool.

00:10:10.000 You know what I care about?

00:10:11.000 Are you funny?

00:10:11.000 Are you funny and are you cool?

00:10:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:14.000 And do we have shit to talk about? 0.99

00:10:16.000 Right. 1.00

00:10:16.000 Great. 1.00

00:10:17.000 I couldn't care less what type of hand you like jerking. 0.99

00:10:22.000 You know what I mean?

00:10:23.000 I think it's an advantage.

00:10:24.000 What kind of mouth... 0.91

00:10:25.000 With some guys, like Tim Dillon, I think it's an advantage with his act that he's gay. 0.98

00:10:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:29.000 Because he's so ridiculous and over the top and he's just like a big fat gay guy. 1.00

00:10:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:33.000 But he doesn't really talk. 1.00

00:10:35.000 Doesn't he talk about it very much?

00:10:36.000 He'll talk about it sometimes.

00:10:37.000 Yeah.

00:10:37.000 But I mean, it's not a big deal to him.

00:10:39.000 He treats it the way a guy treats his sexuality.

00:10:41.000 Like you don't have to go blaring through the streets that you're straight all the time.

00:10:44.000 Right.

00:10:44.000 If you are, I usually assume you're really not.

00:10:47.000 Right.

00:10:47.000 Like there's no, yeah.

00:10:49.000 If you're straight, you're straight.

00:10:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:50.000 If you're not, no one fucking cares. 0.99

00:10:52.000 In the comedy community, literally no one cares. 0.99

00:10:54.000 Yeah, it doesn't.

00:10:55.000 It makes no difference.

00:10:56.000 The only thing that bums me out is when guys hide it.

00:10:58.000 It's like, come on.

00:11:00.000 Does it bum you out for them?

00:11:01.000 Yes, for them.

00:11:02.000 Yeah, it really bums.

00:11:04.000 But, having said that, I get it.

00:11:06.000 I get it.

00:11:07.000 It's a real bummer.

00:11:08.000 It's sad.

00:11:09.000 We know a few guys that are in the closet.

00:11:12.000 You just feel bad for them.

00:11:14.000 Exactly.

00:11:15.000 Yeah, man.

00:11:16.000 I hope it's not unbearable.

00:11:18.000 You know what I mean?

00:11:19.000 I get why you're in the closet.

00:11:22.000 I get why actors are in the closet, especially male actors, because it doesn't serve them to come out.

00:11:28.000 It's not going to help them.

00:11:30.000 I think it's the worst thing for them.

00:11:32.000 In terms of getting roles as a heterosexual, if you're a known homosexual, you almost can't get roles as a heterosexual.

00:11:39.000 I remember, there was some...

00:11:41.000 What is that guy's name?

00:11:44.000 Neil Patrick Harris?

00:11:45.000 Neil Patrick Harris. 0.91

00:11:45.000 He was in something, where he played this arrogant guy who likes girls. 0.91

00:11:49.000 He was in...

00:11:50.000 What was it, a show?

00:11:51.000 No, he was on How I Met Your Mother.

00:11:56.000 Yeah, and that worked.

00:11:57.000 He also played a straight guy in Gone Girl pretty well.

00:12:02.000 Yeah, was that before or after he came out?

00:12:04.000 They've both been after.

00:12:06.000 Really?

00:12:06.000 And I was surprised that that's what he played, but certain people, they just...

00:12:12.000 I don't know.

00:12:12.000 He might be the only guy that can do it.

00:12:14.000 I agree.

00:12:14.000 That he came out and you buy it somehow.

00:12:20.000 As a romantic lead, you think that it cancels that out.

00:12:24.000 Like if Tom Cruise decided to come out.

00:12:26.000 If Tom Cruise is gay and he decided to come out. 0.62

00:12:29.000 That would be a real problem.

00:12:30.000 You know what I was talking to somebody about this the other day?

00:12:32.000 You know what would be a hilarious movie idea?

00:12:36.000 Gay couple, Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

00:12:41.000 John Travolta gets kidnapped and gay Tom Cruise has to save his gay husband, John Travolta.

00:12:47.000 But other than that, it's a real action movie.

00:12:51.000 Wow. 0.97

00:12:51.000 It's just gay. 0.97

00:12:52.000 I like it. 0.99

00:12:53.000 Wouldn't that be fucking cool? 0.89

00:12:54.000 I like it. 0.99

00:12:55.000 Like, just a straight gay... 1.00

00:12:57.000 If anyone out there is a screenwriter, have at it, because I'm never going to write it.

00:13:01.000 Would that fly?

00:13:02.000 Would people enjoy that?

00:13:03.000 I think...

00:13:03.000 Like, if it was really good, like John Wick style.

00:13:05.000 I think it would.

00:13:07.000 I really think it would.

00:13:08.000 If the guy just...

00:13:09.000 It's not like gay guys are, like, a feat in the... 0.79

00:13:12.000 I know plenty of, like, rough... 1.00

00:13:14.000 Gay guys that'll whoop your ass. 1.00

00:13:16.000 Bears, bro. 1.00

00:13:17.000 Bears, bro.

00:13:18.000 They got their own growl. 1.00

00:13:21.000 That's how fucking bad these guys are. 0.99

00:13:24.000 But to really, it would be fucking so cool. 0.99

00:13:28.000 Because that's how I feel with someone like Gerard coming out. 0.91

00:13:31.000 I'm like, I don't care.

00:13:32.000 Okay.

00:13:32.000 It's never come up.

00:13:34.000 We've been good friends for a decade.

00:13:36.000 Just never came up.

00:13:37.000 Yeah.

00:13:38.000 Like, he didn't seem that interested in women, but I also don't think he's not interested.

00:13:42.000 He's just maybe...

00:13:43.000 There's definitely a spectrum, right?

00:13:46.000 And some people are just...

00:13:47.000 Yeah.

00:13:48.000 And that's fine, too.

00:13:49.000 Yeah.

00:13:49.000 I'm also not...

00:13:51.000 If I were on the spectrum, I think I would absolutely do it.

00:13:54.000 Yeah.

00:13:54.000 I'm just not on the spectrum.

00:13:55.000 But in terms of opportunity...

00:13:58.000 There's a lot of nights a year, Joe.

00:14:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:01.000 There's 365 nights a year.

00:14:03.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:14:04.000 You're not going to do the- Pussy dick, pussy dick, pussy dick. 1.00

00:14:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:06.000 Go back and you go back and more. 1.00

00:14:07.000 Same night.

00:14:08.000 Split it up.

00:14:09.000 Dom and I had the best joke about that. 1.00

00:14:11.000 He goes, this is how little I give a fuck. 1.00

00:14:14.000 He goes, I wish I was gay just so I could come out. 1.00

00:14:18.000 Yeah.

00:14:18.000 He goes, I wish.

00:14:19.000 I wish I had a secret like that.

00:14:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:23.000 He goes, that's how little I give a fuck. 1.00

00:14:25.000 It's so true. 1.00

00:14:27.000 It's like his joke about I'm gaining weight for a movie. 0.98

00:14:29.000 I don't know what the movie is yet, but it's such a fucking great joke. 0.99

00:14:35.000 Yeah, but a gay action movie would be fantastic. 0.99

00:14:38.000 I like it. 0.86

00:14:38.000 I do too. 0.86

00:14:39.000 Within a year or two, people would be definitely ready for it.

00:14:43.000 If it were a legit good action movie, I think they'd be, if it were Tom Hardy, even if, maybe if they were both, one of them was straight and one of them was Tom Hardy and he just plays gay and it's taken. 0.62

00:14:57.000 It doesn't have to be two gay guys.

00:14:59.000 It could be even crazier, two straight guys who have to make out. 0.87

00:15:03.000 Yeah, they could be played by straight guys.

00:15:05.000 Absolutely.

00:15:05.000 Now we're really talking.

00:15:08.000 Now you're talking.

00:15:08.000 And now you're talking commitment.

00:15:10.000 Because I was thinking about, if Tom Cruise was gay, right, and he just came out, and there's a movie where he has to save his wife, would women not believe it?

00:15:20.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:15:21.000 Yes.

00:15:22.000 So if you come out, so it's like, all right, so now in the next Mission Impossible, they just kidnap his husband. 0.99

00:15:29.000 Yeah, well, for sure you could do that with lesbians. 1.00

00:15:32.000 If you had two hot lesbians? 1.00

00:15:34.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99

00:15:34.000 100%. 0.99

00:15:35.000 Yeah.

00:15:36.000 No, there's zero issue.

00:15:37.000 That would be no problem.

00:15:40.000 There'd be no resistance.

00:15:41.000 And that's the difference between a lesbian actress. 1.00

00:15:44.000 They can go, a woman who's a lesbian can play straight, gay, straight. 1.00

00:15:49.000 Because there's a big portion of men who never truly believe a lesbian.

00:15:53.000 I have a bit about it.

00:15:54.000 Yeah.

00:15:55.000 I had a bit about it from one of my old specials.

00:15:57.000 It's like, we believe that you believe you're a lesbian.

00:16:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:01.000 You just ain't got a piece of this sweet dick yet. 1.00

00:16:03.000 You never spent a Saturday with me at fucking Applebee's. 1.00

00:16:08.000 I hit you with an Applebee's and a bar, a corner bar. 1.00

00:16:11.000 Forget it.

00:16:11.000 The panty dropper.

00:16:12.000 Tequila shots.

00:16:13.000 What do you got?

00:16:14.000 Brokeback Mountain.

00:16:15.000 Yeah.

00:16:16.000 It wasn't really an action, though.

00:16:17.000 No, but if it's that...

00:16:18.000 Do we know for sure that both of those guys are not gay? 1.00

00:16:21.000 We do not.

00:16:22.000 We...

00:16:23.000 We assume...

00:16:24.000 I mean...

00:16:26.000 Jake Gyllenhaal's straight.

00:16:28.000 You say so.

00:16:29.000 Heath Ledger.

00:16:30.000 But you saw that movie.

00:16:31.000 I mean, come on, man.

00:16:32.000 You saw it.

00:16:33.000 You believed it.

00:16:34.000 No one's that good at acting. 0.98

00:16:36.000 Jack Nicholson is definitely crazy. 0.82

00:16:37.000 There's no way he could play crazy. 1.00

00:16:38.000 That guy's definitely gay. 0.99

00:16:40.000 Trust me, I know things. 0.98

00:16:42.000 I've seen many movies and understand them. 0.51

00:16:46.000 I know when someone's acting and someone's just gay. 1.00

00:16:50.000 The fucking kid believed it. 1.00

00:16:51.000 That was easy for him. 1.00

00:16:52.000 Yeah, no, it would be that, but running around.

00:16:55.000 Yeah, that could happen.

00:16:56.000 I think that could happen.

00:16:57.000 I think we're on the verge of that.

00:16:59.000 It's nice.

00:16:59.000 I would enjoy it.

00:17:01.000 I'm happy for it because then people stop getting free passes where you're goofy but you're gay so we let you slide with silly behavior. 1.00

00:17:09.000 Like, no, [... 0.99

00:17:11.000 I want equality. 0.99

00:17:13.000 I want me to be able to call you a dunce and not have to worry about being homophobic. 1.00

00:17:17.000 And no one hears gay dunce when you say it. 1.00

00:17:20.000 You just go, this guy's a fucking dummy. 1.00

00:17:21.000 He's a fucking dunce. 1.00

00:17:23.000 Oh my god, you're homophobic. 1.00

00:17:24.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:17:26.000 Oh my god.

00:17:27.000 Yeah, that's how it would go at the Comedy Cellar. 1.00

00:17:30.000 Just like this fucking dunce, and it would count. 0.99

00:17:34.000 Dude, I hear that the Comedy Cellar seriously has a social justice warrior infestation. 1.00

00:17:40.000 They need to spray the place. 0.77

00:17:42.000 Oh, I don't, I mean, when I've been there, it hasn't been like that.

00:17:45.000 I mean, there have been people writing about it.

00:17:47.000 I mean, it's like, the comedy teller is like the main hub of culture now.

00:17:52.000 Is it the main hub of wokeness?

00:17:54.000 Yeah, I mean, but it's also like the main battlefield of wokeness, where it's like, Louis came, and there were protesters, and then I couldn't sit at the table. 1.00

00:18:03.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:18:04.000 And it's like, alright, I mean... 1.00

00:18:06.000 I don't think it's... 1.00

00:18:07.000 Pull your dick out! 1.00

00:18:08.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:18:09.000 Some girl told Louie to pull her dick out and she was a hero. 1.00

00:18:11.000 I was quoting all these tweets that were talking about it and articles that were written. 1.00

00:18:17.000 Hero.

00:18:17.000 She was heroic.

00:18:19.000 I think someone sent me a Louis article today.

00:18:21.000 I think there's just fatigue at this point.

00:18:23.000 Yes.

00:18:24.000 I think people are just like...

00:18:25.000 Like, what's he...

00:18:25.000 I don't...

00:18:26.000 Okay.

00:18:26.000 Like, try to find a new Stormy Daniels article.

00:18:29.000 Yeah.

00:18:29.000 Everybody's like, enough.

00:18:31.000 Yeah.

00:18:31.000 We thought it was going to work.

00:18:32.000 It didn't work. 1.00

00:18:33.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:18:34.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:18:35.000 Ah, fuck. 1.00

00:18:36.000 He doesn't care? 1.00

00:18:38.000 Shit. 1.00

00:18:38.000 Dude, Justin Martindale was in... 1.00

00:18:39.000 I'll never forget. 0.99

00:18:40.000 He's in the fucking hallway of the Comedy Store as flamboyant as he could ever be. 0.99

00:18:44.000 Yep. 0.99

00:18:44.000 And he goes, that's our Monica Lewinsky. 0.99

00:18:47.000 She's gonna take him down. 0.98

00:18:48.000 I'm like, good luck.

00:18:49.000 Stormy Daniels?

00:18:50.000 Yeah, I'm like, good luck with that. 0.78

00:18:51.000 That ain't gonna do shit.

00:18:53.000 Yeah.

00:18:53.000 So what's the worst thing that comes out of this?

00:18:55.000 That he fucked her? 1.00

00:18:57.000 Or that he paid her to keep quiet and she didn't keep quiet? 0.99

00:18:59.000 What's the worst thing? 1.00

00:19:00.000 Do we think he doesn't fuck? 1.00

00:19:02.000 Yeah, it's all different strains. 1.00

00:19:04.000 I'm like, we knew he was gross. 0.65

00:19:06.000 No one cared.

00:19:08.000 The only way that it goes is he raises taxes, or then he'll lose his base, or you raise his taxes on lower middle class people, and if he doesn't stand by his abortion stuff.

00:19:20.000 But otherwise, all the donors are sticking with him, everyone's sticking with him.

00:19:23.000 What happened yesterday?

00:19:25.000 There was a new abortion ruling.

00:19:27.000 Was it in Alabama?

00:19:28.000 Yes.

00:19:29.000 It's basically outlawed.

00:19:31.000 I personally believe it's going to backfire.

00:19:34.000 You think so?

00:19:35.000 Yeah, because I think people, the thing that's always been true is Republicans were against abortion and they would go like, and they never got to repeal it, right?

00:19:45.000 I think they're gonna repeal it and then people are gonna go like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is crazy.

00:19:50.000 If you don't want to get abortions, fine, but you can't People change a law based on, a lot of times, not even a plurality of, like in general elections, like in the general presidential election.

00:20:04.000 It's not even the majority of the country that elects the president now.

00:20:07.000 Was this something that the people of Alabama voted on?

00:20:10.000 No, it's the state legislature.

00:20:15.000 That is a slippery slope.

00:20:17.000 Yeah, and it's like you're doing 99 years in jail if you give an abortion or get one.

00:20:23.000 That's what it is now?

00:20:24.000 Yeah, that's the law that they passed.

00:20:27.000 I just personally believe that...

00:20:29.000 I mean, I'm obviously hopeful, but it's a bit like, nah, that's too far.

00:20:34.000 It's a bit like when they made Clinton testify, and people were like, eh, that was too far a line was crossed when they made Clinton testify about his sex life, and it was like, mm...

00:20:48.000 We don't like that.

00:20:49.000 We understand that you wanted to rebuke the guy, but don't make the president.

00:20:52.000 And I feel like I'm hoping, and I believe it's true, that it will be too far afield for moderate people. 0.95

00:21:02.000 I hope you're right.

00:21:03.000 It's very dangerous when you just decide that no one can do it anymore based on a few people's decision that is going to affect the millions of people that live in Alabama.

00:21:15.000 Well, also, abortion laws are odd because the assumption is the reason Christians want to outlaw it is because they think God is going to say, what's with your vote on that?

00:21:30.000 I saw that you voted for abortion. 0.98

00:21:32.000 You want to kill babies? 1.00

00:21:33.000 Yeah, so you want to kill babies? 1.00

00:21:34.000 Well, no, I didn't kill any babies. 0.99

00:21:36.000 Yeah, but you voted for it.

00:21:37.000 It's like, they don't want to live in a country where that's legal.

00:21:40.000 Having said that, if you Google the worldwide rights of abortion, it's not legal everywhere.

00:21:48.000 Which surprised me, because I was like, what is America's...

00:21:53.000 Where do we stand within the rest of the world?

00:21:55.000 And there are not a ton of countries, but I think it's illegal in a quarter of the world.

00:22:03.000 Wow.

00:22:05.000 If not more.

00:22:05.000 Well, abortion is one of those things where it's like, okay, when does it bother you?

00:22:10.000 It doesn't bother me at all if you're two days pregnant.

00:22:13.000 It doesn't bother me at all.

00:22:14.000 It bothers me a little if you're four months pregnant. 0.79

00:22:16.000 It bothers me a lot if you're five or six.

00:22:19.000 It bothers me a lot.

00:22:20.000 If you look really pregnant and you get an abortion, it's like, what is that?

00:22:24.000 Is that a baby that would be viable outside the womb?

00:22:27.000 Because it's something that people just have a deep discomfort about when discussing.

00:22:33.000 Even if you're a supporter of it, if you just discuss the actual reality of what it is, what the act is, what this Surgical procedure is.

00:22:43.000 And it makes, you know, it's not...

00:22:47.000 It's not nothing.

00:22:48.000 That's the thing.

00:22:49.000 It's not nothing.

00:22:50.000 And I think that one of the indicators that it's not nothing...

00:22:53.000 And I'm pro-choice.

00:22:55.000 As I. Yeah, like...

00:22:56.000 You're right-wing, Joe.

00:22:58.000 Everybody knows that.

00:22:59.000 Super rude.

00:23:00.000 I'm so far right, I go the other way.

00:23:02.000 I'm left.

00:23:03.000 Catching the backside.

00:23:04.000 I actually do want to talk about that.

00:23:06.000 The presumption about you.

00:23:09.000 That...

00:23:10.000 One of the indicators is when people talk about even getting an abortion, they always whisper about it.

00:23:17.000 And I don't know if it's because of the stigma or because it's kind of not.

00:23:23.000 Yeah, it's a personal thing, too.

00:23:25.000 I don't think they want to discuss it with other folks.

00:23:27.000 But I wouldn't care if I got a cyst removed.

00:23:30.000 I mean, if that's the indication.

00:23:31.000 Right, if it's just that.

00:23:32.000 Yeah, if it's just a medical procedure.

00:23:34.000 And again, pro-choice, have at it.

00:23:37.000 I haven't had any abortions that I know of, but I don't know at what point I'd be like, ah!

00:23:46.000 And these attitudes about it, about the taboo of discussing it, though, it impedes rational discourse.

00:23:52.000 It impedes your ability to talk about things and communicate about them.

00:23:55.000 Because you have to have this very rigid opinion that you're always pro-abortion, pro-women's rights, woman's right to choose, which I am.

00:24:03.000 But we're still talking about a real thing.

00:24:06.000 And that real thing is killing a thing that would grow up to be a person, and that's why people freak out about it.

00:24:12.000 And to pretend it otherwise is just disingenuous.

00:24:15.000 Louie was the first one I heard talk about that on stage in a way that was funny.

00:24:18.000 We're like, if they think they're murdering babies down there, yeah, I'd protest too.

00:24:21.000 If there was a place that I thought these people are murdering babies, I'm out there every day.

00:24:26.000 He's like, I don't care.

00:24:28.000 I personally think they are murdering babies.

00:24:30.000 I don't care.

00:24:33.000 This is before he got in trouble, and this is one of the things, like that Parkland joke that he did, I was like, look, that's not his best joke, but it's also, he's working it out. 0.98

00:24:42.000 He hasn't done stand-up in ten fucking months, he's working it out, but if you say that he's different now, we're getting to see the real Louie, like, bitch, you better go through his library. 0.97

00:24:51.000 That's what he did! 0.99

00:24:52.000 Yeah, the Parkland thing was like his ninth most offensive joke.

00:24:55.000 Yeah, not even close.

00:24:58.000 That's what he does.

00:24:59.000 It's called comedy. 0.99

00:25:00.000 Yeah, the idea was like, well, but we didn't know he was a dick. 0.98

00:25:03.000 Because you didn't even know him. 0.98

00:25:05.000 Yeah, because you didn't know him.

00:25:06.000 You assume what you believed what he fed, or you wanted to believe.

00:25:10.000 I have a theory that one of the reasons people like the New York Times and other media outlets brought the hammer down so hard on him is because they'd heard the rumors and ignored them.

00:25:24.000 So now they have to signal that, like, this is wrong.

00:25:28.000 Because there were rumors before.

00:25:29.000 Right.

00:25:29.000 And they were like, we don't, like, they ignored them, so now they have to overcompensate.

00:25:34.000 Be like, he is absolutely, he's the face of hypocrisy and evil. 0.97

00:25:39.000 I was like, okay. 0.98

00:25:40.000 Well, he just caught it at the worst time ever culturally.

00:25:43.000 Yeah.

00:25:44.000 He just, it's a bad...

00:25:46.000 He had beachfront property during a hurricane.

00:25:50.000 Yeah, it was a hurricane of change.

00:25:52.000 Yeah, some hurricanes you can destroy.

00:25:54.000 You got the deep stilts. 1.00

00:25:55.000 Not this one, motherfucker. 1.00

00:25:57.000 This is a fucking structure flattener. 1.00

00:26:01.000 He's walking around, I was going, oh my god, this is my cup! 1.00

00:26:05.000 Oh, my cup!

00:26:08.000 Here's what I want to talk about with you.

00:26:09.000 The idea, because whenever I tell people we're friends or that I go on your show, they're like, how can you? 0.88

00:26:14.000 I'm like, first of all, because you're a fucking good dude and have been a good dude for 27 years that I know of, to me. 0.84

00:26:22.000 Thank you. 0.96

00:26:23.000 It doesn't mean you're always good, but whatever, you're always a good dude. 0.92

00:26:25.000 Every time I say that, whatever, I don't fucking know your life. 0.99

00:26:27.000 I don't know what you do outside of fucking... 1.00

00:26:30.000 Encino. 0.99

00:26:32.000 And now the next question becomes, why do you have cranks on the show?

00:26:40.000 And you and I have talked about this a little bit off the show.

00:26:43.000 Explain, because you are basically liberal.

00:26:45.000 Yes.

00:26:47.000 But you believe in having hardcore right-wing people on because you like them personally, or you believe it's worth...

00:26:54.000 Some of them I like personally, some of them it's worth having a conversation.

00:26:59.000 Ben Shapiro was one that I had a long conversation with.

00:27:02.000 He's one of the more controversial guys that I have on.

00:27:05.000 People get upset at me and call me an alt-righter.

00:27:07.000 Which, meanwhile, he's been attacked by the alt-right.

00:27:10.000 You know, he wears a yarmulke, for Christ's sake.

00:27:14.000 He's not alt-right.

00:27:15.000 He's not a white supremacist by any stretch of the imagination.

00:27:17.000 He was the number one target for anti-Semitic remarks in the entire world in 2016. Well, he's...

00:27:24.000 There's that.

00:27:24.000 There's definitely that.

00:27:25.000 But we had an in-depth conversation, a very long one, about gay people.

00:27:32.000 Yeah.

00:27:32.000 I saw a little bit of it where he was like, he kind of got a little lost.

00:27:37.000 Well, yeah, because it doesn't – well, he had two different takes.

00:27:42.000 Here's, like, David Parkman had an interesting take on it.

00:27:46.000 Parkman said that if you look at his explanation – because I asked him a couple things.

00:27:50.000 I'm like, do you really believe that Moses is part of the Red Sea?

00:27:53.000 And he said I would look for a more naturalistic explanation for that.

00:27:58.000 But then when I talked to him about gay people and gay things – He wasn't interested in a naturalistic explanation.

00:28:06.000 And he also wasn't interested in giving people the ability to do whatever they want.

00:28:10.000 He felt like you're supposed to resist that.

00:28:13.000 And his take is that you have an urge to murder people, but you don't do it because you're a good person. 0.99

00:28:17.000 And you should do the same thing with being gay. 1.00

00:28:20.000 And I was like, wow, that's crazy mental gymnastics. 0.98

00:28:24.000 So that is, he believes, a natural occurring thing.

00:28:27.000 That God is testing you with.

00:28:29.000 I mean, I'm putting words in his mouth, I think, but essentially that's his position.

00:28:33.000 His position is that God doesn't want you to do that.

00:28:35.000 It's in the Bible.

00:28:36.000 He doesn't do it.

00:28:37.000 I mean, he goes hard.

00:28:38.000 He doesn't use electricity on the Sabbath until the sun goes down, the whole deal.

00:28:42.000 And, you know, a lot of people are like, you know, you're giving this guy a platform.

00:28:45.000 I'm like, look, I'm communicating with someone.

00:28:47.000 And I like him as a person.

00:28:48.000 He's a very nice guy.

00:28:49.000 I don't agree with him at all about that, about the gay stuff. 1.00

00:28:52.000 And you believe it's worth giving people a platform.

00:28:54.000 What does that mean?

00:28:56.000 Well, not a platform, but like...

00:28:57.000 I think that's a real problem discussing things like that.

00:29:00.000 Like giving people a platform.

00:29:01.000 Because we're living in this world of de-platforming people.

00:29:04.000 I think that's inherently dangerous.

00:29:05.000 And I think that just stopping people from their ability to communicate just makes more pressure on their side.

00:29:12.000 It makes more people that are on the fence support them because they see you as being a censor.

00:29:16.000 And that's what I think we found out with Jack from Twitter.

00:29:20.000 Jack Dorsey, when he came on and talked to me about it.

00:29:22.000 And when he brought Vij on, who's the lawyer.

00:29:25.000 Like censoring one is censoring one.

00:29:27.000 It's not smart.

00:29:29.000 It's not good.

00:29:30.000 It does the opposite of what you intended to do.

00:29:33.000 It makes the other side magnified.

00:29:34.000 It makes whoever you're censoring more popular.

00:29:38.000 It makes them an underdog.

00:29:39.000 And it also goes against core American values like the freedom of speech.

00:29:43.000 And I know that these are private institutions.

00:29:45.000 And I know that they're not necessarily forced to uphold what we do.

00:29:51.000 Determined as free speech in terms of how it's written in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

00:29:55.000 I get it.

00:29:56.000 I understand that.

00:29:57.000 But I think that the principles of human interaction on this planet are largely dictated by our ability to discuss things.

00:30:07.000 Even if you disagree.

00:30:08.000 I actually do agree with you that the...

00:30:11.000 I think like deplatforming and silencing and he's a...

00:30:15.000 Dangerous.

00:30:16.000 There are very few people that...

00:30:19.000 Well, there's no one that I agree with 100% of the time.

00:30:22.000 Right.

00:30:22.000 Even yourself.

00:30:23.000 Yes, including your joke about, like, you don't agree with yourself.

00:30:26.000 Yeah, I don't.

00:30:27.000 I don't.

00:30:27.000 That's real.

00:30:28.000 Yeah, well, that's also, there's something Buddhist about it, which is, like, your thoughts are not correct.

00:30:34.000 Right.

00:30:34.000 They're not even your thoughts.

00:30:35.000 And they're dependent upon your emotions sometimes.

00:30:37.000 Yes.

00:30:38.000 They're dependent upon your stress levels.

00:30:40.000 Yeah.

00:30:41.000 You know, sometimes you just don't have it in you.

00:30:43.000 You're like, stop!

00:30:45.000 Yeah.

00:30:45.000 And other times, the same situation, you'd be super calm and reasonable and maybe you could turn it around.

00:30:50.000 Yeah, if you've eaten.

00:30:51.000 Yeah.

00:30:51.000 Like, I saw a thing yesterday.

00:30:53.000 Doctors are worse in the afternoon.

00:30:55.000 Oh, I'm sure.

00:30:56.000 Judges are worse.

00:30:56.000 I've heard surgeries.

00:30:57.000 You should always get surgeries in the morning.

00:30:59.000 Yeah.

00:31:00.000 But the right-wing thing is just an easy way to dismiss me.

00:31:04.000 Because I'm not right-wing.

00:31:05.000 If you ask me my positions on things, it's very left-wing.

00:31:08.000 The only thing that I vary with the orthodoxy is with the Second Amendment, with gun rights.

00:31:15.000 I don't think it's just that simple.

00:31:16.000 I know a lot of really good people that have guns.

00:31:18.000 I know a lot of really good people that never shoot anybody that have guns to protect themselves.

00:31:22.000 And to label everyone the same is just like labeling everyone who drives a car the same as those incels that drove into people in Montreal or wherever.

00:31:32.000 We have a real problem labeling people and labeling people with it's lazy and it's an attempt to marginalize or dismiss their positions.

00:31:44.000 And it also feels good to do it.

00:31:46.000 It feels good to like, guess what?

00:31:48.000 Writing them off.

00:31:49.000 I'm superior.

00:31:51.000 I have a very clear moral view.

00:31:53.000 I'm taking out one of my moral paintbrushes and zoom.

00:31:58.000 You are that. 0.84

00:31:59.000 I mean, even if it's not a moral position, even if, like, that Neil Brennan, he's such a left-wing cuck.

00:32:04.000 He's a this and a that, and boom, there you go.

00:32:06.000 I got him in a box, I'm going to put a ribbon on it, ship him off.

00:32:09.000 So you've read the comments when I'm on the show.

00:32:11.000 Cancelled.

00:32:12.000 You're cancelled, I heard.

00:32:13.000 So I brought up that makeup boy, and the makeup boy my daughter's in love with, she watches this makeup boy on YouTube, and now he's been cancelled.

00:32:22.000 I understand.

00:32:22.000 He lost $3 million.

00:32:23.000 And she was telling me, to have an 11-year-old sit down and tell you about a gay makeup artist.

00:32:29.000 And this is the funny part.

00:32:30.000 She goes, well, there was a couple things.

00:32:33.000 Okay.

00:32:33.000 So, there was the thing with, he has a friend who, and he tells me this woman's name, who got him into the business.

00:32:42.000 And then she asked him to promote her hair stuff, but he said no, and he went with another hair stuff.

00:32:48.000 So he totally, totally betrayed her.

00:32:51.000 It's like my 11-year-old's telling me this.

00:32:52.000 And then, this was the best part, she goes, there was also some talk that he's gay and there was boys that were not gay and he tried to get them to be in a room with him. 1.00

00:33:05.000 It's like listening to an 11-year-old tell me the shit. 0.99

00:33:08.000 Well, by the way, that also could have been... 1.00

00:33:11.000 That's the tone of the internet, anyway, as an 11-year-old girl.

00:33:14.000 It is.

00:33:15.000 I'm not in touch.

00:33:16.000 At least it came from an 11-year-old girl instead of like, so-and-so's canceled.

00:33:20.000 You can read everything. 1.00

00:33:21.000 Like, yeah, no, you're a fucking 40-year-old adult. 1.00

00:33:25.000 Why are you talking like a little girl? 1.00

00:33:28.000 You're on BuzzFeed.

00:33:30.000 You're on Fox.

00:33:31.000 Like, is he in the point where the New York Times is going to be doing that?

00:33:34.000 It's close to it now.

00:33:35.000 I mean, I think that...

00:33:38.000 Owns abortion, people. 0.99

00:33:40.000 What it is, is the media right now, especially journalism, they're fucking starving for hits. 0.97

00:33:46.000 It's so hard to make money. 0.96

00:33:48.000 It's so hard.

00:33:48.000 And so they're drowning.

00:33:49.000 And so they're trying to grab whatever branches they can. 1.00

00:33:52.000 If they gotta make a good story with a clickbaity title, fuck it. 1.00

00:33:56.000 They'll have that deceptive title. 1.00

00:33:57.000 Who gives a shit? 0.99

00:33:58.000 We got a good story. 0.99

00:33:59.000 The story's vetted.

00:34:00.000 Yeah.

00:34:01.000 And even if it's not totally vetted, if it's a little slippery, but you can make an amendment later, you know, I'm sorry, we have a little bit of an apology, we have to make a retraction.

00:34:09.000 Yeah. 0.88

00:34:09.000 Nobody reads those goddamn retractions. 0.88

00:34:11.000 No. 0.95

00:34:12.000 I mean, you should have to have a retract. 0.83

00:34:13.000 If you fuck up so hardcore that you attribute a crime to someone or you do something like that, you have to make a retraction. 0.76

00:34:20.000 It should be on the front page of your paper and nothing else for a month. 0.96

00:34:24.000 That's it.

00:34:25.000 This is your newspaper now.

00:34:26.000 I'm sorry.

00:34:27.000 We don't get to tell you the news anymore because we fucked this up so hard that we printed out to millions of people. 0.63

00:34:33.000 You don't get to just put in a little column in the corner.

00:34:35.000 We'd like to apologize. 0.78

00:34:36.000 We fucked up last month. 0.80

00:34:38.000 Also, 9-11 happened. 0.98

00:34:41.000 Also, planes run into the World Trade Center. 0.98

00:34:44.000 It's fucking too hard to be a journalist, man. 0.88

00:34:46.000 This is another thing I want to talk to you about, which is absolute Meaning, if you believe, like, I still believe in, like, institutional journalists. 0.98

00:35:00.000 I believe in New York Times, I believe in Washington Post.

00:35:04.000 And you used the fact that they wrote about a UFC fight, they just said he was bloody, or the McGregor fight, where he was bloody and he wasn't.

00:35:12.000 It was just a bad, very bad description.

00:35:14.000 It was very inaccurate.

00:35:16.000 I'm like, why would you do that?

00:35:17.000 You guys are crazy that the New York Times is allowing this completely inaccurate description of something that millions of people saw. 0.99

00:35:24.000 It's so silly. 0.98

00:35:25.000 And it makes everybody question everything else you say. 0.99

00:35:28.000 And you might think it's trivial because it's just a boxing match.

00:35:31.000 But it's completely inaccurate.

00:35:33.000 And completely exaggerating what actually went down.

00:35:38.000 Well, you've had articles written about you. 0.71

00:35:40.000 They fuck up everyone. 0.95

00:35:41.000 Now, having said that... 0.99

00:35:45.000 We can't dismiss all of journalism. 1.00

00:35:47.000 There needs to be an absolute, kind of an absolute truth, and that's what I feel like is sort of melting in this era of anyone who's like, well, they said this, and that's not true, so everything else they say is fucking bullshit. 0.99

00:36:04.000 Right. 0.99

00:36:05.000 Of course.

00:36:05.000 Which I think Trump does a lot.

00:36:09.000 And I think people are all too happy to believe it because they resent institutions. 0.99

00:36:13.000 They resent these smarty-pants motherfuckers, which I also get. 1.00

00:36:17.000 I get the impulse. 1.00

00:36:18.000 Especially some of the New York Times, right?

00:36:20.000 Yeah.

00:36:20.000 That's the smartiest.

00:36:21.000 The old gray lady.

00:36:22.000 Yeah.

00:36:23.000 And it just plays on every stereotype.

00:36:27.000 There are so many stereotypes at work that can make you write it off.

00:36:31.000 I think we're in a transitionary period.

00:36:33.000 That's what I think.

00:36:34.000 What do you think it gets replaced by them?

00:36:36.000 That's the real problem.

00:36:37.000 The real problem is they have all their pieces, all the best journalists, right?

00:36:41.000 All the best people.

00:36:44.000 Are all locked into two ancient systems.

00:36:47.000 One ancient system is print medium, the other ancient system is broadcast medium.

00:36:51.000 The broadcast medium, the ancient part of it is, it has to go on at a certain time, Tuesdays at 8pm, and then you have to sit there and wait for commercials unless you DVR it, right?

00:37:01.000 So that's inherently flawed.

00:37:03.000 And then the print medium, well, they figured out a way to get it on your laptop and your phone now.

00:37:07.000 So, okay.

00:37:08.000 They've got a little bit of a workaround there, but they have a really hard time getting people to sign up for digital subscriptions.

00:37:13.000 The distribution's not nearly as good as it used to be.

00:37:15.000 And it's hard.

00:37:16.000 It's hard to get people to buy newspapers.

00:37:17.000 But at least they've got their foot in the door with Clickbait titles.

00:37:21.000 And I think the Times and the Post are pretty successful online.

00:37:25.000 They're actually doing much better because of President Trump.

00:37:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:37:28.000 Because he talks so much shit about them that people actually said, I need to support. 0.99

00:37:32.000 Like, what? 0.99

00:37:32.000 The New York Times, what is it? 0.99

00:37:35.000 Well, they needed to support it.

00:37:37.000 Yeah, I'll check it out. 1.00

00:37:37.000 Because they're like, fuck, man. 1.00

00:37:38.000 This guy's literally trying to take down the Times. 1.00

00:37:40.000 It's so irresponsible.

00:37:41.000 He's trying to take out the New York Times.

00:37:42.000 That's what I think might happen with abortion, where it's like, oh, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:37:45.000 I don't even want to get it. 1.00

00:37:47.000 But if this is where you motherfuckers were headed... 1.00

00:37:51.000 Because they were being held back. 1.00

00:37:53.000 It was like, motherfucker, I'll fuck you up! 1.00

00:37:54.000 And then they got free, and now they're beating the shit out of abortion. 1.00

00:37:58.000 People are like, whoa. 0.99

00:38:00.000 Accidental pregnancies are the real problem. 0.98

00:38:03.000 Obviously, abortion is the solution, right? 0.98

00:38:05.000 If you have to, if you want to do it. 0.99

00:38:07.000 But the accidental pregnancy is the real fucking problem. 0.98

00:38:10.000 It's one of the things that I talked about with Jesse Itzel. 0.99

00:38:15.000 We're good to go.

00:38:34.000 Well, it'll certainly drastically reduce the amount of people that have kids, you know?

00:38:38.000 So does everyone, do you freeze your eggs and, like, we give sperm?

00:38:43.000 I don't know how they're going to do it.

00:38:44.000 I don't know how they're going to do it.

00:38:45.000 I mean, I think there's also the problem that the baby supposedly bonds inside the mother's body. 1.00

00:38:51.000 Like, to have a baby grow up in some sort of a fucking weird electronic womb and then you make that kid a fucking sociopath. 1.00

00:38:58.000 Right. 1.00

00:38:58.000 He has no connection to people when he's born. 1.00

00:39:00.000 He doesn't give a fuck just But it'll be, yeah. 0.99

00:39:02.000 I mean, there was that test tube baby thing, which I think started before me, but I remember that being an insult. 0.99

00:39:07.000 They put the baby in the body, though.

00:39:09.000 They put the embryos in the person's body.

00:39:12.000 There is the thing of surrogates.

00:39:14.000 Yes.

00:39:15.000 So who do they bond with?

00:39:16.000 That's a weird one, man.

00:39:17.000 Like, that's the Kim Kardashian way now, right?

00:39:20.000 She's having a bunch of babies with surrogates. 1.00

00:39:22.000 Like, you know, you show up for the wedding, or you show up for the birth in a fucking tight skirt, and you're like, yay, my baby's being born today. 0.99

00:39:29.000 Like, what? 0.99

00:39:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:30.000 What?

00:39:31.000 You have your clothes on.

00:39:32.000 Yeah.

00:39:32.000 What is happening here?

00:39:33.000 Yeah.

00:39:34.000 No, I got to hire somebody.

00:39:36.000 My friend actually did that.

00:39:37.000 I got a girl on it.

00:39:38.000 My friend actually did that. 0.98

00:39:39.000 He's gay. 1.00

00:39:39.000 And he and his husband, they mix their sperm. 1.00

00:39:44.000 They shot it in a turkey baster or something into some gal. 1.00

00:39:47.000 I don't know how to do it.

00:39:48.000 I might be making this up.

00:39:49.000 You don't follow science too tight.

00:39:50.000 Anyway, she got pregnant, their surrogate got pregnant, had the baby and decided to keep it. 0.92

00:39:55.000 Decided she couldn't part with it.

00:39:57.000 And it's their baby.

00:39:58.000 So it's their DNA and mixed with hers. 0.77

00:40:02.000 And she decided to keep it and she got away with it.

00:40:05.000 Did they sue her or they just were like...

00:40:07.000 I don't know.

00:40:08.000 I didn't want to push.

00:40:09.000 They were very upset and then they wound up getting another surrogate and then having a child and everything worked out. 0.81

00:40:14.000 This was quite a while ago.

00:40:15.000 Yeah.

00:40:15.000 But they were really bummed out, man.

00:40:17.000 I mean, they were ready to be parents. 0.98

00:40:19.000 But then, you know, some people say, well, they were never going to be parents in the first place because they're gay and they didn't even have sex with her. 0.99

00:40:24.000 Right. 0.98

00:40:25.000 But it is their baby, right?

00:40:27.000 It's their DNA that made that baby.

00:40:29.000 They didn't adopt a child.

00:40:31.000 Right.

00:40:31.000 They chose to have a surrogate.

00:40:32.000 Right.

00:40:34.000 Yeah, no, it's complicated, and it's getting...

00:40:37.000 Well, that's the thing of, like, it feels like the level of danger and difficulty in the world is just getting steeper by the day.

00:40:43.000 We're like, wait, what? 1.00

00:40:44.000 And then there's always global warming, and you're like, oh, fuck! 1.00

00:40:47.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:40:48.000 Did you see fucking the science guy, Bill Nye, going crazy, screaming and yelling and swearing? 1.00

00:40:54.000 Yeah, the planet's on fucking fire, and he's getting a little silly. 1.00

00:40:58.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

00:40:59.000 I'm like, bro, we're all right.

00:41:00.000 Go to Antarctica.

00:41:02.000 Plants on fire, bro.

00:41:04.000 No, I saw a thing that Antarctica was like 84 degrees.

00:41:07.000 Oh my god, it's on fire.

00:41:08.000 I mean, yeah.

00:41:09.000 Is it really?

00:41:09.000 Do you really see something that said Antarctica was 84 degrees?

00:41:11.000 Yeah, something in the Arctic Circle's 84 degrees, like three days ago. 0.99

00:41:15.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

00:41:16.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:41:17.000 It's gonna be a... 1.00

00:41:18.000 It's gonna be...

00:41:19.000 Do you ever think about like...

00:41:20.000 Global warming?

00:41:21.000 But really what it will look like.

00:41:24.000 Yeah.

00:41:25.000 Like in 70 years...

00:41:26.000 What it will do to the art...

00:41:29.000 Like...

00:41:30.000 And I'm not talking about just...

00:41:32.000 Miami's gone.

00:41:33.000 That's incredibly crazy to think about.

00:41:37.000 It's unfathomable.

00:41:39.000 Those Miami people, they're going to move other places and ruin them. 1.00

00:41:42.000 That's my biggest worry.

00:41:45.000 Everywhere he goes, it's going to be Lamborghinis, dudes yelling at girls in Spanish.

00:41:49.000 Eating outside. 0.99

00:41:50.000 Everyone's fucking eating outside. 1.00

00:41:51.000 But like, would you fucking get indoors, you maniac? 1.00

00:41:54.000 It's a party, though. 1.00

00:41:54.000 A lot of salsa. 1.00

00:41:55.000 I love going there.

00:41:56.000 Salsa in like North Carolina. 0.98

00:41:58.000 Like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:41:59.000 Salsa dancing. 1.00

00:42:00.000 Get the fuck out of here with the fucking... 1.00

00:42:01.000 That's a good bit. 1.00

00:42:05.000 They're like another country that's attached to Florida.

00:42:09.000 Yeah.

00:42:09.000 It's like Europe...

00:42:10.000 It's, I always say, it's like people, you see like Italian people like in Beverly Hills or Miami, and I always say to my friend, those are people that were too douchey for Italy. 1.00

00:42:23.000 And they're like, oh, we gotta take it to the next douchey level.

00:42:28.000 Miami!

00:42:29.000 And then they go...

00:42:30.000 Yeah, but you think about like, not like 28 days later, but like...

00:42:39.000 You know?

00:42:40.000 Like Mad Max. 0.99

00:42:41.000 Huge, like, scary, fucking scary. 0.98

00:42:44.000 Especially because we're going to be near dead, and no disrespect, you're not going to be in the same shape you're in now. 0.99

00:42:51.000 And you're not, I mean, people may give you respect, but, like, it's going to be fucking scary.

00:42:58.000 We're going to have to move to the mountains.

00:42:59.000 Where would you move? 1.00

00:43:00.000 The shit hit the fan. 1.00

00:43:02.000 Somebody, Sam, what's Callan's friend Sam, Fighter's Mind? 1.00

00:43:07.000 Sam Cedar?

00:43:07.000 No, Sam, the Fighter's Mind, he wrote.

00:43:11.000 Goddammit, how can I not remember his name?

00:43:13.000 Yeah.

00:43:14.000 Hold on a second.

00:43:15.000 I'll tell you real quick.

00:43:17.000 This is going to be worth it, guys.

00:43:18.000 Listeners, this is...

00:43:19.000 Sam Sheridan.

00:43:20.000 Sam Sheridan, that's right.

00:43:21.000 Sam Sheridan.

00:43:22.000 Thank you.

00:43:23.000 Told me 10 years ago and stuck with me.

00:43:25.000 Go to the marina.

00:43:27.000 Because I live in Venice.

00:43:28.000 He's like, go to the marina and basically just get...

00:43:33.000 Basically, you've got to pay to get on a boat or just be like, I will be...

00:43:37.000 The hard part is, how do I qualify to, like, I can help you with that?

00:43:42.000 Right, right.

00:43:43.000 Because I get seasick.

00:43:44.000 Here's what I have going for me.

00:43:45.000 Why a boat?

00:43:47.000 Because you just get away.

00:43:48.000 You get away from anyone.

00:43:52.000 You get away from, in LA's case, millions and millions of people.

00:43:56.000 And you can, if there's an attacker, you can see them.

00:44:01.000 You assume that they're not going to be like, you know, SEAL teams coming onto your boat.

00:44:06.000 Attackers.

00:44:07.000 I know, but that's what I mean.

00:44:08.000 Like, how crazy could it get?

00:44:11.000 Yeah.

00:44:12.000 You gotta go to Alaska.

00:44:13.000 How do you get there?

00:44:15.000 It's a good call.

00:44:16.000 Can you drive?

00:44:17.000 Airport's closed.

00:44:19.000 It's connected, right?

00:44:20.000 You could drive.

00:44:22.000 You could technically drive, yeah.

00:44:23.000 Technically?

00:44:24.000 They cut off that road all the time in the Napa Valley because the landslide will shut off the road.

00:44:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:44:29.000 If that happens, good luck.

00:44:30.000 Where the fuck are you going to go? 1.00

00:44:31.000 Then you're fucked. 1.00

00:44:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:33.000 It's like Burr's got the helicopter, but he's got to go to get it.

00:44:38.000 Yeah.

00:44:38.000 That's his escape.

00:44:40.000 He had a great bit about that, his black and white special.

00:44:42.000 Yeah.

00:44:43.000 Yeah, I would move north.

00:44:45.000 I'd probably move somewhere that was, if I could just go to a place, if I knew I just had to get to a place, I would go to a place that is sustainable.

00:44:55.000 Like, whether it's Alaska, or Minnesota, or Michigan, somewhere there's a lot of animals, and there's wildlife, and you have cold, you have water, you have a lot, like, cold is better than heat, because cold you can make a fire.

00:45:11.000 Like, if you have shelter and you can make a fire in the cold, you can live.

00:45:14.000 I have a counter-argument, which is, I don't...

00:45:17.000 The cold kills more people than heat.

00:45:19.000 Sure, it does.

00:45:20.000 Hypothermia, it does.

00:45:21.000 But that's just because, you know, people are unprepared for it.

00:45:25.000 You can prepare for cold with clothing.

00:45:27.000 You can't really prepare for heat with clothing.

00:45:30.000 With heat, you need air conditioning, and you need water.

00:45:33.000 Those are two things that are critical.

00:45:35.000 Or at least shade.

00:45:35.000 Yeah, you need something.

00:45:37.000 People that have lived in very cold climates, as long as they have a good house and they have a good supply of wood, they're fine. 1.00

00:45:43.000 If you live in the desert, man, you're kind of fucked. 1.00

00:45:46.000 You're kind of fucked if the power goes out. 1.00

00:45:48.000 You don't really have anything to keep you cool. 0.99

00:45:50.000 You have to stay in the shade and stay indoors, but it's not good enough when it's 110 degrees inside and it's 125, 130 outside.

00:45:55.000 If you're hydrated, though, I don't think you will just die from heat exposure.

00:46:00.000 No, you won't, but you're not going to find a lot of water.

00:46:02.000 One of the problems with global warming is going to be that things like lakes, lakes and streams, there's going to be less.

00:46:10.000 There's going to be less water.

00:46:11.000 There's going to be less dribbling down through the creeks.

00:46:13.000 Creeks are going to dry up.

00:46:15.000 Streams will dry up.

00:46:17.000 You're going to have a hard time getting water if you're in a desert environment.

00:46:20.000 If you have, by the same token, if you have as much water as you have wood, obviously it's not a one-to-one analogy because you can go get more wood easily.

00:46:31.000 But if you had a shitload of water, right?

00:46:33.000 If you just had like...

00:46:35.000 I hear your thought about getting cold, but I don't know.

00:46:40.000 If I had shade, I guess with cold you don't have to have electricity.

00:46:45.000 You don't have to have electricity with cold, and also you have more of an opportunity to find animals.

00:46:51.000 You'll find more animals in cold climates than you're going to find in hot climates.

00:46:54.000 More delicious animals, for sure.

00:46:55.000 Yeah, more things to eat.

00:46:56.000 But you could still easily starve to death.

00:47:00.000 The idea that it's easy to go out there and shoot a bunch of animals and eat them all the time, Not most places.

00:47:07.000 Most places you don't have an abundant enough supply of wildlife.

00:47:10.000 You're also a guy who does archery.

00:47:13.000 Yeah.

00:47:13.000 You have skills for this.

00:47:15.000 And I would still be panicked. 1.00

00:47:17.000 I'd be like, fuck, this is not good. 0.99

00:47:18.000 If I had to feed my family with a bow and arrow, first of all, I'd say, okay, how many arrows do I have? 0.99

00:47:23.000 I would have to make sure that I have enough arrows.

00:47:25.000 I mean, you'd have to practice, too.

00:47:29.000 Archery's not something like a rifle.

00:47:30.000 If I have...

00:47:32.000 A hundred rounds. 1.00

00:47:33.000 I can kill a hundred things. 0.67

00:47:35.000 I don't really need to practice that much if my rifle's not off. 0.99

00:47:37.000 I can...

00:47:38.000 I have good trigger discipline.

00:47:40.000 I'll pull through the shot.

00:47:41.000 I'll try not to flinch.

00:47:43.000 And I'm not going to take any... 0.98

00:47:44.000 Literally, the two of those three things, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. 0.97

00:47:46.000 When you're shooting, you don't want to anticipate. 0.97

00:47:49.000 Right.

00:47:49.000 You don't want to anticipate.

00:47:50.000 I go...

00:47:51.000 You don't want to flinch when the trigger goes off. 0.98

00:47:54.000 So a lot of guys like Tim Kennedy, who's a friend of mine, who's one of the baddest motherfuckers in the world, he'll practice with dummy rounds. 0.98

00:48:02.000 So he has regular bullets and then four bullets are just not real bullets. 0.98

00:48:06.000 So it's like bang, bang, bang, click!

00:48:09.000 And then he has to get rid of that bullet.

00:48:12.000 But at least he knows if he was flinching.

00:48:15.000 Because if you're flinching, you'll see this movement where there's no gun goes off, the bullet doesn't go off, but you make that weird move because you're anticipating the shot.

00:48:24.000 And that's the way to train yourself out of it?

00:48:26.000 Yeah, you have to do something like that.

00:48:28.000 You have to have what's called trigger discipline.

00:48:30.000 Well, first of all, trigger discipline means don't put your finger on the trigger, but also the way you squeeze.

00:48:34.000 You've got to just squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, and let the shot go off by surprise and not react to it.

00:48:39.000 It's the same thing with a bow and arrow.

00:48:40.000 You have to have a surprise shot.

00:48:42.000 You want to concentrate on the target, zone it in.

00:48:45.000 Which feels like you kind of can't even be there, meaning you just have to be like, I'm doing a thing.

00:48:51.000 Yep.

00:48:52.000 Like, you can't think about the release.

00:48:55.000 You have to just think about the target.

00:48:57.000 That's very astute of you.

00:48:58.000 There's actually courses.

00:48:59.000 There's a guy named Joel Turner who has this whole course called Shot IQ. He teaches first responders, like SWAT teams and shit, about trigger discipline and about how to shoot properly under pressure. 0.96

00:49:15.000 And he works with people with archery with the same thing because it's a psychological thing. 1.00

00:49:21.000 But my point is, with a bow and arrow, you're kind of fucked. 1.00

00:49:25.000 You need a lot of goddamn arrows. 1.00

00:49:27.000 You need to make sure that bow's going to stay okay. 0.99

00:49:28.000 And an animal, too.

00:49:30.000 Like a deer or bear would be the most edible things.

00:49:34.000 Yeah, you want a bear. 1.00

00:49:35.000 If you have a bear, you could eat that motherfucker for a long time. 0.99

00:49:38.000 And you could take that fat, and you could render the fat down, and use it for cooking, and use it for... 0.99

00:49:42.000 You know, you could do a lot of things with it.

00:49:44.000 And that meat is a lot of meat.

00:49:46.000 Anything big.

00:49:47.000 You want a big animal.

00:49:48.000 Because you want to be able to dry it out, make jerky.

00:49:50.000 You want to have something that's going to sustain you for a few days or weeks until you find another animal.

00:49:55.000 You're going to want to dig a hole in the ground to make some sort of cold storage.

00:49:58.000 You want to get below, like, the frost line.

00:50:01.000 Yeah, because you've got to protect it from other bears.

00:50:03.000 Yeah, you're going to have to do a lot of things.

00:50:05.000 And you're probably not going to make enough food.

00:50:07.000 It sounds hard.

00:50:08.000 It's the hardest.

00:50:11.000 Every time I go on a hunting trip, I always think, like, imagine if this is the only way I could get food.

00:50:16.000 It's so goddamn hard to get close to an animal.

00:50:19.000 It's so hard. 0.95

00:50:21.000 People see videos of it, like on YouTube, and there's the deer, and you draw your bow back, and you hit it in the heart, and the deer's down, and everybody celebrates.

00:50:28.000 What you don't see is days and days of hiking.

00:50:32.000 All day long, just go. 0.97

00:50:33.000 If you could watch from a live stream of the moment a hunt starts to the moment you're successful, and you just sat through the whole thing like it's a fucking Games of Thrones marathon, then you would understand it.

00:50:45.000 But even then, you wouldn't really, because you wouldn't be out there in the cold, exhausted, hiking uphill, going thousands of feet up and down at elevation, and then the wind shifts and the deer smells you and it darts off, you're like... 1.00

00:50:57.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:50:59.000 It's hard, man. 1.00

00:51:00.000 It's, like, tedious.

00:51:01.000 And to survive off of that?

00:51:03.000 See, I'm doing it for my own food, but if I don't get a deer, I'm gonna live.

00:51:07.000 I'll go to a restaurant. 0.61

00:51:09.000 If your only option is deer that you catch and kill and find and shoot... 1.00

00:51:14.000 And your daughter's sick. 1.00

00:51:15.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:51:16.000 And you gotta fucking catch a deer. 0.99

00:51:19.000 That's when you wonder. 1.00

00:51:21.000 You know, you wonder, how am I gonna watch them starve to death? 0.65

00:51:24.000 That must have been really exciting for Native Americans or just any ancient people of just like getting like you know I think we could kill a buffalo. 0.93

00:51:34.000 Yeah. 0.57

00:51:35.000 If we all like we all have to be fed like we all have to team up and that's why humans have survived but like It must have been so fucking like a celebration, like an Ewok celebration. 0.96

00:51:46.000 You know what's crazy?

00:51:47.000 To this day, there are these areas where they find a lot of arrowheads because they would drive these buffalo off cliffs.

00:51:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:57.000 What fucking nuts is that? 1.00

00:51:58.000 They know the spots where they would drive them off cliffs and fall down. 1.00

00:52:02.000 And sometimes the bodies would decay because they didn't eat all of it.

00:52:06.000 They couldn't.

00:52:06.000 There'd be a hundred buffalo fly off a cliff.

00:52:08.000 There's only a thousand Native Americans in this spot. 1.00

00:52:11.000 What the fuck are they going to do? 1.00

00:52:12.000 They're going to eat as much as they can. 0.99

00:52:13.000 How are we going to get rid of this meat?

00:52:14.000 But the rotten ones literally exploded and caused a forest fire in one area.

00:52:19.000 They think a forest fire was caused by a rotting pile of buffalo that eventually exploded.

00:52:27.000 Like a whale explosion kind of thing?

00:52:28.000 Yeah, like that kind of deal.

00:52:30.000 Google that. 1.00

00:52:30.000 Make sure that's not horse shit, because it sounds like a lie coming out of my mouth. 1.00

00:52:33.000 They believe that a rotting pile of bison was responsible for starting a fire. 0.99

00:52:41.000 Because they found all this charred stuff, and they were trying to piece it together, if I remember the story properly.

00:52:48.000 And I think they were like, this might have happened because the bodies rotted so much they exploded.

00:52:54.000 Yeah.

00:52:55.000 And it started to fall.

00:52:56.000 Because it's like you have the gases from all this rotting tissue.

00:52:59.000 You know whales explode on the beach.

00:53:01.000 They splatter on people.

00:53:03.000 Fantastic.

00:53:04.000 So they're trying to take this to a next level.

00:53:05.000 How much heat would be generated by all this bacteria?

00:53:09.000 What kind of explosion could this make?

00:53:11.000 Yeah, and also, why would the explosion...

00:53:14.000 Is it a spark?

00:53:15.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:53:16.000 I would assume it's gooey.

00:53:18.000 Methane gases and rotten gases.

00:53:21.000 Yeah, like there would have to be someone to ignite it.

00:53:25.000 You know those little arrowheads that they find, you're supposed to leave them in a lot of places.

00:53:30.000 If you find them, you're supposed to leave them there.

00:53:31.000 Just for like luck or something? 1.00

00:53:34.000 You go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:53:35.000 I ain't leaving shit. 1.00

00:53:36.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:53:37.000 If I find an arrowhead, like, oh, you have to leave it.

00:53:39.000 I know where it's going. 0.99

00:53:39.000 It's fucking going up there. 0.99

00:53:40.000 Yeah, where is it going? 0.99

00:53:41.000 If I leave it, someone else is going to pick it up.

00:53:43.000 I'm picking it up.

00:53:44.000 Yeah, have a good person pick it up.

00:53:46.000 You have to leave it.

00:53:47.000 You have to leave it here.

00:53:48.000 No, no, no.

00:53:49.000 You can't have it.

00:53:50.000 Is that like the Parks Commission or Native Americans?

00:53:52.000 I don't know.

00:53:52.000 When I was hunting in Nevada, they said that.

00:53:54.000 If you found out in Arrowhead, you had to leave it there.

00:53:56.000 I was like, huh, okay.

00:53:59.000 Oh, you know what I haven't talked to you about?

00:54:00.000 What?

00:54:01.000 Doing these big venues.

00:54:04.000 Oh, arenas.

00:54:04.000 Yeah.

00:54:05.000 Weird.

00:54:05.000 How do you like it?

00:54:06.000 It's fun, man.

00:54:08.000 San Diego is a lot of fun.

00:54:10.000 It's strange, though. 1.00

00:54:11.000 It's a lot of goddamn people. 0.99

00:54:13.000 Does it feel like... 1.00

00:54:16.000 Disconnected?

00:54:17.000 No.

00:54:17.000 No, it didn't, surprisingly.

00:54:19.000 San Diego's interesting.

00:54:20.000 The people that were in the front, they were right there, man.

00:54:23.000 How many is it?

00:54:23.000 7,000?

00:54:24.000 No.

00:54:25.000 San Diego was 12-something.

00:54:28.000 Almost 13. Close to 13,000.

00:54:31.000 That's unbelievable.

00:54:32.000 Yeah, that's a lot of people.

00:54:34.000 And it was in the round?

00:54:36.000 Yeah.

00:54:37.000 That was weird, too.

00:54:38.000 And did you have a plan?

00:54:40.000 Nope.

00:54:44.000 I did a lot of sets.

00:54:45.000 I guess you can't really think about...

00:54:47.000 You can't worry about the people that are behind you.

00:54:49.000 You can't.

00:54:50.000 Well, they have giant screens everywhere, so everybody got to see you.

00:54:54.000 I definitely was aware of the magnitude of the show, and I did a lot of sets that week.

00:54:59.000 I did like eight, nine sets that week before I did it.

00:55:02.000 The funny thing was, I didn't understand.

00:55:03.000 I was like...

00:55:04.000 How is he not selling this out? 1.00

00:55:06.000 And then I saw it and he was like, oh, it's a fucking arena. 0.98

00:55:10.000 I was like, I thought Joe was as popular as he's ever been. 0.97

00:55:13.000 And then I'm like, why is this guy posting so much?

00:55:15.000 And then I'm like, oh, because he's doing a stadium. 0.99

00:55:17.000 It's a giant ass place. 1.00

00:55:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:18.000 It's hard to get that last thousand. 0.99

00:55:21.000 I know, and you're still, you can't, I don't know if it's the human mind or the competitive comedy mind, but you want that fucking thousand. 0.98

00:55:30.000 You want to hear sold out. 0.85

00:55:32.000 Yeah, like doesn't like, yeah, but you don't want to go, saw Joe Rogan, 12,000 people, yeah, but what's it hold?

00:55:38.000 12,900. 1.00

00:55:39.000 Yeah, oh, what a pussy. 1.00

00:55:41.000 You can't even get 900 more people to like you, bro. 1.00

00:55:44.000 And you would, not you would think it's a failure, but you would always be like, yeah.

00:55:48.000 Josh Wolfe showed me a picture once of him on stage opening up for Larry the Cable Guy in front of 50,000.

00:55:54.000 Jesus.

00:55:54.000 He did a football stadium.

00:55:57.000 Jesus.

00:55:58.000 Get her done! 0.97

00:55:59.000 Well, that's what Kevin Hart does those big, I mean...

00:56:01.000 He did one of his Netflix specials.

00:56:04.000 Yeah.

00:56:04.000 With like 49,000 people.

00:56:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:56:06.000 Something fucking insane. 0.99

00:56:07.000 I mean, I wouldn't want to see that show. 0.99

00:56:09.000 I wouldn't want to go to the third balcony...

00:56:13.000 Like, what do you even...

00:56:14.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:56:16.000 People like communal experiences like that.

00:56:18.000 Yes, I think that's a good way to put it.

00:56:20.000 But, like, when a venue's 50,000, you're just far away.

00:56:25.000 Yeah.

00:56:26.000 But I guess if you like the...

00:56:29.000 And everyone's in there together.

00:56:31.000 You've created a culture.

00:56:32.000 So people go to be a part of the culture.

00:56:35.000 Kevin's created a culture.

00:56:36.000 Larry the Cable Guy created a culture.

00:56:38.000 So people go.

00:56:38.000 It's like to be around their brothers and sisters, kind of.

00:56:42.000 Kind of.

00:56:43.000 I mean, straight up, though.

00:56:45.000 Not like it's even intentional. 0.99

00:56:46.000 That's the thing I like about podcasting as a successful medium, and your podcast in particular, is the shit you're into comedy... 1.00

00:56:58.000 You're into fucking weed. 1.00

00:57:00.000 You're into UFOs and the unexplained. 1.00

00:57:04.000 You're into government conspiracies.

00:57:06.000 You're into gender issues. 0.81

00:57:08.000 You're legitimately into all this stuff.

00:57:11.000 And you created a tent.

00:57:14.000 Where everybody feels like, welcome.

00:57:16.000 Like, hey, he's gonna talk about the thing that I'm... 0.99

00:57:18.000 Like, you're interested in a lot of shit, genuinely. 0.96

00:57:21.000 You're not going, I'm only interested in comedy or more niche about it. 1.00

00:57:25.000 You just, like, this shit you're into. 0.99

00:57:27.000 You're into inventions and fire and guns and hunting. 1.00

00:57:30.000 You're just into a bunch of shit, legitimately, and you express it and people... 1.00

00:57:36.000 Love it. 1.00

00:57:36.000 Well, that's the difference between actually being into shit and talking about the things you're into versus talking about the things you think will be popular. 1.00

00:57:43.000 Right. 0.99

00:57:44.000 Yeah.

00:57:44.000 You can't do that for...

00:57:49.000 I guess you could.

00:57:49.000 I can't think of anyone off the top of my head who that would be.

00:57:54.000 It would be obvious that you weren't really tuned in.

00:57:56.000 You wouldn't be really interested in it.

00:57:58.000 You're not...

00:57:58.000 You wouldn't be as enthusiastic.

00:58:00.000 Yeah.

00:58:00.000 No way.

00:58:01.000 And you are genuinely...

00:58:02.000 You only have on people that you genuinely like or genuinely interested in.

00:58:07.000 And it doesn't matter if they're famous, not famous.

00:58:10.000 Like, whatever.

00:58:12.000 Controversial, not controversial.

00:58:14.000 Like... 1.00

00:58:15.000 It's just shit that you're into. 1.00

00:58:17.000 You're expressing... 1.00

00:58:18.000 Another reason why I like podcasts, it's like watching someone exist.

00:58:26.000 Yeah, right?

00:58:26.000 And it's like an expression of your subconscious or your brain.

00:58:31.000 It's like the typical day in your brain of just like, I like this, and then I go over here, and then I go...

00:58:36.000 And you've been able to do it in a way, which is why it's so...

00:58:43.000 It is popular, but it's not even the right word.

00:58:45.000 It's resonant with people. 0.96

00:58:47.000 Yeah, I think for a long time, people have been doing shows where the show was produced, and there's a bunch of people behind the scenes, and whatever that person is, it's almost more difficult for them to get their personality to shine through all that shit.

00:59:05.000 But if it's just stuff that you're really interested in, then people get a better sense.

00:59:09.000 And it's also people you like, and then Segura takes off, and Bert takes off, and...

00:59:14.000 Who am I forgetting?

00:59:15.000 Joey takes off.

00:59:16.000 I didn't know how long you've been friends with Joey.

00:59:18.000 Joey and I have been friends for 23 years.

00:59:21.000 Yeah.

00:59:22.000 Theo, guys that you just genuinely like.

00:59:25.000 Even the Sober October thing.

00:59:31.000 The numbers are massive.

00:59:34.000 It's like a show.

00:59:37.000 Everybody's a character.

00:59:39.000 And it's like an old radio play. 0.99

00:59:41.000 Like, here comes fucking Burt Kreischer. 0.99

00:59:43.000 You think he's got something called the Mickey Mantle gene? 1.00

00:59:45.000 What the hell is the Mickey Mantle gene?

00:59:47.000 Like, everybody's got, like, it's set up, and it's not, like, it's sloppy in a fun way.

00:59:54.000 Yeah.

00:59:55.000 And it's cool, and you get to reap all the reward.

00:59:59.000 All the guys that are responsible for the...

01:00:01.000 Because the other thing is, this is the first time, certainly in media history, where guys are in charge of their own everything.

01:00:11.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:00:13.000 Like, you own the label.

01:00:14.000 I mean, there's not even a label.

01:00:15.000 It's just my thing.

01:00:18.000 Artists tried, like the Beatles had a record label, and they would bring people on, and then they would... 0.97

01:00:24.000 It always got fucked up. 0.98

01:00:26.000 Every single time. 0.99

01:00:28.000 And this, I feel like, is the first time where it's like, Segura's got his umbrella now, he's got his spinoffs, and it's fucking excellent. 0.95

01:00:41.000 It's just excellent. 0.89

01:00:43.000 It's so great...

01:00:45.000 I was talking to a guy who used to be in charge at Viacom, and we were talking about...

01:00:51.000 When people do shows now, they'll pay Kenny Barris, they'll pay Shonda Rhimes, they'll pay Dave, Alan, Chris, all these guys, like $20 million.

01:01:01.000 The writers get $100 million.

01:01:02.000 Buddy of mine, Mike Schur, created Good Place and Parks and Rec, and he's getting $25 million a year for the next five years.

01:01:09.000 Jesus Christ.

01:01:11.000 And his shows aren't hits.

01:01:13.000 His shows are picked up and successful, but they're not like cheers, right?

01:01:19.000 Wow. 0.96

01:01:21.000 And I said to Doug Herzog, I go, how much were you fucking guys making before? 0.97

01:01:27.000 What were these companies making 20 years ago? 0.97

01:01:31.000 Like, what was ABC making 20 years ago?

01:01:34.000 And even Seinfeld said that he's like, I was the first one to get a million an episode.

01:01:42.000 And I go, which is a pittance compared to what they could have paid you.

01:01:45.000 And he's like, I know that now, but back then a million dollars in...

01:01:52.000 What are you even going to do with it?

01:01:54.000 And now it's like, what are they going to do with it? 0.99

01:01:57.000 What the fuck? 0.97

01:01:58.000 They were making $100 million an episode, but because it's a logo and a corporation, you go, well, that's what a corporation is supposed to make. 1.00

01:02:06.000 $100 million an episode.

01:02:07.000 Meanwhile, if a guy makes a million, you're like, what are you going to?

01:02:10.000 It's like this unfathomable thing.

01:02:12.000 It's like where they get mad at basketball players and not the owners of the teams.

01:02:16.000 Yeah, and it's also that distribution model of putting something on a network.

01:02:20.000 There's so much fat.

01:02:22.000 There's so many people.

01:02:24.000 There's so many things that you have to pay.

01:02:26.000 There's so many different places the money goes.

01:02:29.000 It's almost like you have to make $100 million an episode for everybody to make out.

01:02:34.000 Yeah, but also...

01:02:35.000 No, they don't.

01:02:36.000 But also, they're still taking 90. You know what I mean?

01:02:39.000 Even with all the revenues, with all the...

01:02:43.000 All the miles I got to feed, it's still like a huge profit.

01:02:47.000 But as a writer, don't you think that like investing your time and effort into a sitcom today, it's like, oof, good luck with that.

01:02:53.000 I don't, dude, like, I just started, we used to do the podcast, made motion to this podcast called The Champs, it was great, and now I just started one like a month ago called How Neil Feel, look for it in your local things.

01:03:06.000 How Neil Feel?

01:03:07.000 How Neil Feel, that's the name of the podcast.

01:03:09.000 Got a theme song and everything. 1.00

01:03:10.000 It's very stupid. 0.97

01:03:11.000 I did a pilot like a year ago for a network, and they gave me notes, and I was like, oh, I forgot about notes. 0.99

01:03:22.000 I forgot that they were going to give me notes.

01:03:26.000 That was always the thing that me and Dave got to with Comedy Central, and they finally left us alone after like six episodes.

01:03:33.000 Where I was like, let us show it to the audience and let them decide.

01:03:38.000 We don't want to bomb.

01:03:40.000 We want to bomb less than you guys do.

01:03:43.000 Trust me.

01:03:44.000 Trust me.

01:03:45.000 You've never met two people who want to bomb less than me and him.

01:03:49.000 And so they'd be like, well, we don't.

01:03:50.000 And they're like, let's show it to the crowd.

01:03:51.000 If they like it.

01:03:53.000 Then great.

01:03:54.000 And if they don't, then...

01:03:55.000 And we did this real world sketch.

01:03:58.000 And they didn't.

01:03:59.000 They were like, we just think it's a bunch of unfunny scenes back to back.

01:04:02.000 And we were like, let's just show it to the crowd.

01:04:04.000 And then we showed it killed.

01:04:06.000 And they were like, alright, we don't know what we're talking about.

01:04:08.000 They literally said, we don't know what we're talking about.

01:04:09.000 So do whatever you want.

01:04:10.000 It's a bunch of unfunny scenes.

01:04:11.000 I know. 1.00

01:04:11.000 What a fucking... 1.00

01:04:12.000 God! 1.00

01:04:13.000 Yeah.

01:04:15.000 Oh, those people.

01:04:16.000 But that's the...

01:04:17.000 I get that they feel like they have to do something.

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:21.000 But...

01:04:23.000 We're...

01:04:24.000 Comedians are willing to, like, all our skins in the game.

01:04:27.000 It's all of our...

01:04:29.000 It's our hide every time.

01:04:30.000 So, why do you feel the need to, like, correct us or...

01:04:34.000 I don't mind if, like, an executive is, like, the first audience.

01:04:38.000 Do you know what I mean? 0.99

01:04:39.000 Or, like, hey, your shirt's fucked up. 0.99

01:04:40.000 Whatever. 0.97

01:04:41.000 Like, a minor stuff.

01:04:42.000 But it's, like, material-wise, most of you are not good at divining what's special about somebody or what's An innovative segment.

01:04:52.000 You know what I mean?

01:04:53.000 They don't even think about that.

01:04:54.000 They're ambitious people who are just working their way up a thing, and they're like, is it my turn yet?

01:04:59.000 Right, exactly.

01:05:01.000 I get to put my stamp on it now?

01:05:03.000 Yeah.

01:05:04.000 They want to add something, even if it's irrelevant.

01:05:07.000 Like, I had a joke when we were doing Half-Baked, and I'm going two for two with Dave, but we were doing Half-Baked, and I said to Dave, I go, we should do a thing at the end where we should just say, hey, let us do whatever we want, and at the end we'll pass a hat around,

01:05:23.000 and you guys can take credit for something.

01:05:27.000 Because ultimately, that's what you want.

01:05:28.000 You want to be able to take credit for something. 0.98

01:05:31.000 Don't fucking make us do it. 0.99

01:05:33.000 I know you just want credit. 0.98

01:05:34.000 That's all you want.

01:05:35.000 You just want to feel good about yourself.

01:05:36.000 You want to feel like, I contributed to this thing.

01:05:39.000 But just let us do the thing.

01:05:42.000 You know what I mean?

01:05:43.000 And if you're like you, how long have you been doing the podcast?

01:05:47.000 Almost 10 years.

01:05:49.000 It'll be 10 years in December.

01:05:50.000 You're going to do a big network show?

01:05:53.000 Yeah, I'm going to go on AM radio.

01:05:57.000 That's hilarious.

01:05:58.000 I've been thinking about taking over an AM radio station for the day.

01:06:00.000 That's so funny. 0.98

01:06:01.000 That would be really fucking funny. 0.96

01:06:03.000 I wonder if they'd let me. 0.97

01:06:06.000 But even like in when we used to do it in your house.

01:06:09.000 Yeah.

01:06:10.000 You know what I mean?

01:06:11.000 Dude, that was a long time ago.

01:06:12.000 You were on an episode at least seven years ago.

01:06:17.000 Yeah.

01:06:18.000 I did two in your house. 0.94

01:06:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:06:21.000 That was back when the kids would be in the background yelling at each other and shit. 0.99

01:06:24.000 You'd hear it in the hallway when they were little. 0.99

01:06:26.000 Yeah.

01:06:26.000 It's crazy.

01:06:27.000 Number 114. Wow.

01:06:29.000 Episode 114. So that's two years, a year and a half in?

01:06:32.000 Yeah, probably.

01:06:33.000 What is the episode now?

01:06:35.000 This is 1298. That was 98?

01:06:38.000 No, this is number 1298. No, I was like, when is that?

01:06:42.000 Podcast didn't start.

01:06:43.000 1100 episodes ago.

01:06:45.000 1100 episodes ago.

01:06:47.000 Yeah, and it's from...

01:06:48.000 Look at me.

01:06:49.000 I had a faux hawk. 1.00

01:06:49.000 Look at you, you beautiful bastard. 1.00

01:06:51.000 80% knows. 1.00

01:06:52.000 That was before I realized I should put a beard on, wear a little beard, wear a little scruff.

01:06:59.000 Podcasts are a very, very strange thing, man.

01:07:02.000 No one saw this coming, and everyone can start one.

01:07:07.000 But I don't even think...

01:07:09.000 You saw it coming.

01:07:10.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:07:10.000 I saw it coming.

01:07:11.000 I didn't see this.

01:07:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:13.000 Presidential candidates are on my fucking show. 1.00

01:07:16.000 I got Telsey Gabbard on yesterday. 1.00

01:07:17.000 Yeah.

01:07:18.000 Running for president.

01:07:19.000 Yeah, I didn't watch it, but yeah.

01:07:19.000 She wanted to talk about real issues that affect the world.

01:07:22.000 I'm like, okay.

01:07:23.000 Yeah.

01:07:24.000 It's weird.

01:07:25.000 Yeah.

01:07:25.000 And I'm sure, do you feel, I mean, you kind of can't change your ethos.

01:07:29.000 You can't be like, I'm a role model and I need to.

01:07:33.000 No.

01:07:33.000 No, it's not.

01:07:34.000 No, no.

01:07:35.000 I'm just gonna be me, you know, and the world's gonna be weirder, but it's just me.

01:07:39.000 But it's also the thing of, like, when you're in these, like, development TV movie worlds, and you're like, just let me talk. 0.90

01:07:48.000 Just fucking let me...

01:07:49.000 Like, I promise it'll be interesting. 0.98

01:07:51.000 Like, it won't all be interesting, but it'll be...

01:07:55.000 Interesting enough.

01:07:55.000 It'll be interesting enough, often enough, that just let me talk.

01:08:00.000 Well, I couldn't imagine giving up that reigns to someone now.

01:08:04.000 Like if all of a sudden we brought in some sort of a producer or a network that's like, look, we're going to take this podcast to the next level.

01:08:11.000 But you've got to listen to me, Joe.

01:08:12.000 Yeah, Joe, a couple things.

01:08:14.000 That episode you did with Elon Musk, one of the great reasons that that show was very successful is the way you were dressed.

01:08:20.000 Yeah.

01:08:20.000 I know you don't like to hear this.

01:08:21.000 We tested it.

01:08:21.000 Yeah, we tested it.

01:08:22.000 And it had nothing to do with him being weird and smoking weed and having a fucking, having a flamethrower. 0.98

01:08:28.000 You wore a nice pink shirt. 0.98

01:08:29.000 You wore a nice shirt.

01:08:30.000 I mean, is there even You could never test whether a podcast is going to be successful.

01:08:40.000 You couldn't organize it.

01:08:42.000 It's all word of mouth. 1.00

01:08:45.000 It's just weird fucking... 0.99

01:08:47.000 They like it. 1.00

01:08:48.000 They like it.

01:08:49.000 Like a conversation like this with you and I. We're actual real friends.

01:08:53.000 So when we talk, it's very evident.

01:08:55.000 We have chemistry.

01:08:56.000 What's known as chemistry.

01:08:58.000 We like each other.

01:08:59.000 It's normal.

01:09:00.000 It's not like, what else?

01:09:02.000 Right.

01:09:03.000 So, are you enjoying your time here on this earth?

01:09:06.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:09:07.000 Doing...

01:09:08.000 So, doing this...

01:09:10.000 And I told...

01:09:11.000 I remember telling somebody, like, it's like doing The Tonight Show in 78. In terms of, like...

01:09:17.000 I was in...

01:09:18.000 Singapore and a guy came to the show who saw me on it.

01:09:22.000 It's not even worth knowing if you're you. 0.99

01:09:25.000 It's like, fucking, don't worry about it. 1.00

01:09:27.000 Just show up and talk. 1.00

01:09:29.000 I can't pay attention to that.

01:09:30.000 It'll be paralyzing.

01:09:31.000 Yeah, but the...

01:09:33.000 So I'm like, the funny thing is when you do TV, when you do something that's going to be seen or heard by this many people, like a TV show, if I do Seth or The Daily Show, like, I prep. 0.97

01:09:43.000 This, I'm like, fucking... 0.97

01:09:45.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:09:46.000 We talk about, like, so many times I run into you at the store, and we basically have, like, a 10-minute podcast in the hallway.

01:09:53.000 Yeah.

01:09:53.000 You know, we just start, and you'll say, have you seen this?

01:09:56.000 Like, you pull me aside, like, have you ever heard about ketamine?

01:09:59.000 I'm like, what?

01:10:00.000 And then all of a sudden you're telling me you're taking ketamine sessions.

01:10:02.000 And that's the thing.

01:10:04.000 There's no, you can't prep, and it would be odd.

01:10:08.000 You couldn't explain it to people ten years ago.

01:10:10.000 Like, it'll just be people sitting and talking.

01:10:16.000 Comedians are, by nature, pretty entertaining.

01:10:20.000 At least pretty talkative.

01:10:21.000 Yeah, at least pretty talkative.

01:10:23.000 And on the high end, entertaining and funny.

01:10:28.000 Ari had the worst advice.

01:10:30.000 He's like, you gotta edit it.

01:10:31.000 Doing it for an hour.

01:10:32.000 Just do it one hour and edit it.

01:10:34.000 Yeah.

01:10:35.000 Like, alright.

01:10:36.000 No one's gonna listen in three hours.

01:10:37.000 Do you know when people turn it off or anything?

01:10:40.000 Nope.

01:10:42.000 I know that the average time that someone watches on YouTube, we know that.

01:10:47.000 Which is like, what?

01:10:49.000 35 minutes or so.

01:10:51.000 35 minutes on YouTube, which is a lot.

01:10:52.000 Yeah.

01:10:53.000 Because the average is like 15 seconds.

01:10:56.000 Yeah.

01:10:57.000 What's a normal average on YouTube?

01:10:59.000 Three or four minutes, yeah.

01:11:00.000 For everyone that watches for 10 seconds, there's someone that watches for an hour and a half or three hours.

01:11:03.000 So the average would be like three or four minutes for a normal channel.

01:11:07.000 Yeah.

01:11:08.000 Well, you know...

01:11:10.000 The difference between something on YouTube and something that's a podcast that you're listening to, though, I think the people that are listening are, I don't want to say this, I don't know if it's really true, but they might be more invested in,

01:11:26.000 like, because they're subscribing to it and they're listening to it in their car on the way to work.

01:11:30.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 Welcome. 1.00

01:11:53.000 Welcome, fuckface. 1.00

01:11:54.000 Welcome, friend. 1.00

01:11:55.000 The same for you, bitch. 1.00

01:11:57.000 The other thing you forget is how much people fucking drive. 1.00

01:12:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:01.000 Where they're like, I'm in my car four hours a day. 0.99

01:12:04.000 You're like, what?

01:12:05.000 What?

01:12:05.000 And they're like, and you are their friend.

01:12:09.000 Yeah, that's weird.

01:12:10.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:12:10.000 Like, you're there, whether you, it's like you don't know them, but you, they really like you and they feel like they have a connection with you.

01:12:16.000 Yeah, and all the other people, like you and Theo and Delia, whoever's here, you know, people that come in.

01:12:23.000 Yeah, and then those people become characters in their little world play as well. 1.00

01:12:27.000 Yeah, like you'll see it in the comments, like, this fucking skinny fuck is, like, literally, like, this skinny fuck is bad. 1.00

01:12:33.000 Do you read the comments? 1.00

01:12:34.000 No, well, the last time I did it, the comments were so bad.

01:12:38.000 But I didn't even...

01:12:39.000 You texted me.

01:12:40.000 I was like, boy, they must be very bad.

01:12:42.000 Because you were like, we did something right.

01:12:45.000 Or something.

01:12:45.000 I was like, well, they must be awful.

01:12:47.000 And then...

01:12:47.000 Because I know what they're going to say.

01:12:51.000 It's like, what do you think I'm dumb? 0.96

01:12:53.000 I'm not a dumb... 0.98

01:12:54.000 You've got to say whatever you think of me. 0.90

01:12:55.000 I'm not dumb. 0.89

01:12:57.000 So I disagree with you politically. 0.73

01:13:00.000 Alright.

01:13:02.000 See, that's one of the reasons why I bring people on that I don't agree with.

01:13:06.000 I think it's important to have conversations with people, whether on the left or the right, that you don't agree with, just to find out who they are and what they think.

01:13:12.000 And just to have discussions with people.

01:13:14.000 It's also like testing your own feelings about it.

01:13:17.000 100%.

01:13:17.000 Just like, okay, no, that's...

01:13:19.000 Alright, I still feel...

01:13:20.000 Having heard arguably their best argument or a very cogent argument for their side, and you go, yep, I think that...

01:13:29.000 I think one of the things that's lost in the world now is because of...

01:13:39.000 Partially because of the internet or blog or whatever, where you have to be 100% in every belief.

01:13:45.000 And it's like, I'm not 100% in any belief.

01:13:49.000 There are some beliefs where I say that I'm 51%, but that still wins. 1.00

01:13:58.000 51% is still the thing I tell you.

01:14:01.000 Whereas people can't believe... 1.00

01:14:04.000 You either got to be 100% or you're a cuck or you're a fucking stud. 1.00

01:14:11.000 And there's no like, yeah, abortion's a perfect example where we're both like, I'm for it, but it's pretty brutal. 1.00

01:14:19.000 Or it's a severe thing.

01:14:21.000 Or whatever the but, and you're not allowed to have a but anymore.

01:14:25.000 You just can't go, I have a measured point of view and I took the vote in my head and it's 70-30.

01:14:33.000 And you're not And if you change your mind somehow, I know that's bad.

01:14:37.000 Someone said, well, not just one person.

01:14:40.000 Many people said, you flip-flop on things.

01:14:42.000 Like, no, I consider things.

01:14:44.000 And I changed my perspective.

01:14:46.000 Yeah, and it's also not...

01:14:47.000 When politicians do it, it's because it's politically going to work in their favor.

01:14:53.000 You do it because you've thought more about it, or you heard the right argument at the right time, and you just go, okay.

01:14:59.000 Yeah, I change my opinions all the time. 1.00

01:15:01.000 I'm not married to those fucking things. 1.00

01:15:04.000 I don't need them. 1.00

01:15:06.000 My opinions are just...

01:15:07.000 Ideas, in my mind, are something that should be explored.

01:15:11.000 And there's certain ideas that I just hold steadfast.

01:15:14.000 Don't rape. 0.97

01:15:14.000 Don't murder people. 0.97

01:15:15.000 Don't steal.

01:15:16.000 All the obvious ones.

01:15:17.000 Everybody holds those.

01:15:18.000 But then when it gets to unusual, weird, slippery things...

01:15:23.000 I'm like, okay, why is there an inclination to lean towards a certain direction?

01:15:27.000 Are we virtue signaling?

01:15:29.000 Are we sending out the flag of tribal obedience?

01:15:34.000 What are we doing when we're discussing these things?

01:15:36.000 And a lot of that is what ruins discourse.

01:15:40.000 And this is what I think I have a real big problem with de-platforming.

01:15:44.000 When you start de-platforming people and censoring people, you don't just want to not hear them.

01:15:50.000 You want no one to hear them.

01:15:51.000 And this is where I have a problem.

01:15:53.000 It's because... 1.00

01:15:54.000 Who the fuck are you? 1.00

01:15:56.000 Like, why are you the one who gets to say... 1.00

01:15:58.000 Even if they're wrong.

01:15:59.000 Even if they're wrong.

01:16:00.000 Let everybody figure out who they're wrong.

01:16:01.000 It's misinformation.

01:16:02.000 That's the thing. 1.00

01:16:03.000 It's like Pizzagate or like the Alex Jones thing where it's like, dude, what the fuck are you... 0.99

01:16:08.000 What are you doing? 0.99

01:16:09.000 Pizzagate is a good example, right?

01:16:11.000 Because people get ramped up in it.

01:16:13.000 They're like, what?

01:16:14.000 And there was that guy, Ben Swan, who was a journalist who had all these...

01:16:18.000 He had this video that he put out that showed all the different connections with Pizzagate and various conspiracies and pedophilia.

01:16:30.000 And it was a real weird one.

01:16:32.000 And everybody was like, what?

01:16:33.000 Just because these things are...

01:16:36.000 It doesn't mean there's a pedophile ring going on there.

01:16:40.000 What exactly is happening there?

01:16:43.000 But then you hear about someone like Jimmy Savile, and you go, wait a minute, wait a minute. 0.98

01:16:47.000 This guy was fucking kids for how long? 0.97

01:16:49.000 Are there any other ones right now that they haven't exposed? 1.00

01:16:54.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:16:55.000 That kind of shit does haunt you. 1.00

01:16:59.000 I think there's a ton of distance between There are pedophiles and there are pedophiles in the pizza place. 1.00

01:17:09.000 In the basement. 0.64

01:17:10.000 I believe there's pedophiles and that they should be stopped and they're mostly...

01:17:16.000 I don't think none of them are powerful, but I don't think that there is a...

01:17:21.000 I just don't really buy into conspiracies, just generally.

01:17:26.000 See, I buy into some.

01:17:28.000 Because there's some of them that are provable.

01:17:30.000 There's some of them that really did happen where you go, Jesus Christ, they really did that.

01:17:36.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:17:36.000 I mean, like in third world countries where we'll fuck with elections, the shit like that. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Like, that is, yeah. 0.99

01:17:44.000 Like, that's not even a conspiracy.

01:17:45.000 That's just like a poorly told part of history.

01:17:49.000 Well, there's things like the Gulf of Tonkin incident.

01:17:51.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:17:52.000 But I think that's...

01:17:54.000 Well, I think that's...

01:17:57.000 Yeah.

01:17:59.000 Do you know about the Operation Northwoods?

01:18:01.000 Do you know about that one?

01:18:02.000 I don't know.

01:18:03.000 That one's probably the most disturbing one.

01:18:05.000 Because that one was signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

01:18:07.000 They were going to organize a bunch of attacks on America and blame the Cubans so that we could go to war with Cuba.

01:18:15.000 They were going to To arm Cuban friendlies and have them attack Guantanamo Bay. 0.97

01:18:19.000 They were going to blow up a jetliner and blame it on Cuba.

01:18:22.000 They had all these plans.

01:18:23.000 And it was signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and then vetoed by Kennedy. 0.99

01:18:26.000 He was like, what the fuck are you people doing? 0.98

01:18:28.000 Yeah, like, what were you guys doing? 1.00

01:18:29.000 You guys are so crazy. 1.00

01:18:30.000 I went to fucking Hyannisport and I come back. 1.00

01:18:33.000 Come back and you're trying to blow up airplanes. 0.99

01:18:35.000 And the thing is, it's...

01:18:37.000 This is something that didn't fly but we found out about it.

01:18:40.000 How many of these things we didn't find out about that actually did happen and that we think are legitimate instances in the news or real attacks?

01:18:47.000 Yeah, I just think it's a drop in the bucket.

01:18:50.000 Oh, for sure.

01:18:50.000 I think it's a drop in the bucket.

01:18:51.000 I think it's less than 1%.

01:18:53.000 In comparison to actual events.

01:18:54.000 Yeah, into actual reality versus...

01:18:56.000 I agree, yeah.

01:18:57.000 And so, when people are...

01:19:00.000 The reason I don't like conspiracy theories is that I think people use it to explain their own failure a lot of the time.

01:19:05.000 Like, we say it a lot in comedy. 0.76

01:19:06.000 Like, well, you can't make it unless you're a lesbian woman. 1.00

01:19:09.000 Oh, God, that's the worst. 0.98

01:19:10.000 You're like, alright, man, that's not...

01:19:11.000 That's the worst. 1.00

01:19:12.000 I hate that fucking... 1.00

01:19:13.000 That perspective is so crazy. 1.00

01:19:16.000 It's like, listen, if you're killing, people are going to see you.

01:19:18.000 If you kill a lot, people are going to see you a lot.

01:19:21.000 It's that simple. 0.61

01:19:22.000 You can't fake it.

01:19:22.000 It is a meritocracy.

01:19:24.000 Yeah, it really is.

01:19:26.000 There are certainly some quota stuff in the margins, but no one's making it...

01:19:34.000 No one's doing arenas because of a quote.

01:19:36.000 You can't pull.

01:19:38.000 There's nothing you can do to get into arenas.

01:19:40.000 Yeah, people have to actually like you.

01:19:41.000 And this excuse-making that people do do as a straight white man, I can't get a break in this town.

01:19:47.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:19:48.000 When you're a straight white man and you're complaining, you got one of the most fucking captivating hands of cards. 0.99

01:19:57.000 In world history. 0.98

01:19:58.000 Yeah.

01:19:58.000 In the world history in 2019, straight white male.

01:20:01.000 Still a great hand.

01:20:02.000 Still a great hand. 0.97

01:20:03.000 You might get beat with a crazy, you know, Nanette. 1.00

01:20:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:10.000 A Nanette hand. 0.64

01:20:11.000 Take you out at the hamstrings.

01:20:13.000 Nanette will get you on the river. 0.64

01:20:14.000 Yeah, but.

01:20:15.000 Where she, what?

01:20:16.000 I know, she got number one, but it wasn't even funny.

01:20:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:19.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:20:20.000 Oh, man. 1.00

01:20:20.000 Anti-comedy? 1.00

01:20:21.000 What's anti-comedy?

01:20:22.000 All right.

01:20:23.000 My take on Nanette thing, and I haven't even seen it, it's like, do people like it?

01:20:28.000 Yeah, good.

01:20:29.000 I saw it live.

01:20:30.000 Did you like it?

01:20:30.000 Yeah, I liked it a lot.

01:20:32.000 Nice.

01:20:32.000 Where'd you see it?

01:20:33.000 I saw it in New York.

01:20:34.000 I saw it before it was on Netflix.

01:20:35.000 I saw it and met her and was like...

01:20:39.000 Was she nice?

01:20:40.000 It was an awkward conversation, I'll say that.

01:20:43.000 Well, she is a little spectrum-y, right? 0.52

01:20:45.000 She talks about that.

01:20:46.000 I think that's a fair estimation.

01:20:49.000 It wasn't easy.

01:20:52.000 Do you find that when you speak to certain women in particular, you feel almost like you're guilty of something?

01:20:59.000 Like you're a male?

01:21:01.000 Like you're an oppressor?

01:21:03.000 Do you ever feel like that?

01:21:04.000 Not too many women. 1.00

01:21:06.000 And it could just be a projection.

01:21:08.000 It could be my own...

01:21:09.000 It could be...

01:21:09.000 I'm like auto-projecting.

01:21:11.000 I'm like...

01:21:11.000 I definitely do that.

01:21:13.000 There aren't too many...

01:21:15.000 But I think you have to work against stereotypes.

01:21:17.000 You're working against tattoos, built, bald, right-wing podcasters.

01:21:23.000 Well, cage-fighting commentators, too. 1.00

01:21:25.000 Oh, fuck, I forgot about that. 1.00

01:21:27.000 Jesus, Joe. 1.00

01:21:28.000 Yeah, I'm a monster. 0.72

01:21:29.000 Yeah, so you have a lot.

01:21:31.000 I'm pretty, you know, a feat.

01:21:33.000 The way I look is a problem.

01:21:36.000 What are the odds you're not sexist? 1.00

01:21:39.000 Right, or a dickhead. 0.99

01:21:40.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:40.000 Yeah, not that good. 0.99

01:21:41.000 Yeah, like, what are the odds?

01:21:43.000 Like, so, you try...

01:21:46.000 I mean, I don't feel it too much, but I can imagine...

01:21:49.000 What percentage of women do you feel like you have to... 1.00

01:21:53.000 Do that with?

01:21:54.000 The ones who don't know me.

01:21:55.000 Once they know me, like, I'm pretty, pretty nice.

01:22:00.000 Like, go to a venue.

01:22:01.000 You go to the venue that you've never been to.

01:22:04.000 There's a woman, the backstage, one of the works for Live Nation, or she works at the venue.

01:22:09.000 Like, does she assume that you're...

01:22:11.000 Nah, not if they work for Live Nation.

01:22:12.000 I'm nice to all those folks.

01:22:13.000 But I think that if someone has a very staunch feminist perspective and they meet someone like me, they might, depending upon their perspective, they might think that I'm the enemy. 0.88

01:22:24.000 That's a possibility, that right away they look at me like the enemy.

01:22:28.000 Well, that's the thing of like, what are you absolute...

01:22:31.000 And you can tell sometimes when you're arguing with people that are super dogmatic about whatever they believe in, you can watch them go into a line of...

01:22:46.000 Logic that they then realize, I can't, because that will, like, seed some ground to this person.

01:22:55.000 They go, ugh!

01:22:55.000 And it's like, I saw you start to go down that, like, just a reason...

01:23:00.000 And I'm not saying stop believing what you believe in.

01:23:04.000 It's just like, it doesn't have to be 100%.

01:23:06.000 Exactly.

01:23:07.000 It's fine.

01:23:08.000 You can still win the popular vote.

01:23:10.000 It's just majority rules.

01:23:12.000 It doesn't have to be overwhelming.

01:23:14.000 Just don't...

01:23:16.000 It's dishonest in a way.

01:23:17.000 Because they don't want to have a chink in their armor, logically. 1.00

01:23:25.000 Yeah, they want to lump people into categories because it's easy to define them, too.

01:23:29.000 You know, we were goofing yesterday, me and Joe List were goofing around about Alyssa Milano's sex strike that she was proposing.

01:23:36.000 And I was like, one of the things that's offensive about that is, first of all, that women... 1.00

01:23:43.000 Would agree with you that they would just withhold sex from the person that they love.

01:23:48.000 Because Alyssa Milano said that. 1.00

01:23:48.000 Because Alyssa Milano said you should withhold sex because in fucking Georgia they're limiting abortion laws. 1.00

01:23:54.000 But the second thing is that you would assume that all men are responsible for this. 0.99

01:23:59.000 Not even just the voters in Georgia, but all men. 0.95

01:24:02.000 A man in Minneapolis should be denied sex from his progressive girlfriend. 0.94

01:24:07.000 Or that he's going to call his friend in Alabama. 1.00

01:24:10.000 Like, man, you better do something, because I'm not getting no pussy up here, bro. 1.00

01:24:14.000 This fucking sex strike is for real. 1.00

01:24:16.000 Bro, this is hitting us. 1.00

01:24:17.000 It's so delusional and such a dumb flag of virtue that they're throwing up. 1.00

01:24:23.000 And it's such stupid 2019 woke politics that that was actually something. 1.00

01:24:28.000 Well, by the way, it's based on Los Estrada, like an old Greek play. 0.99

01:24:32.000 Was it really?

01:24:32.000 Yeah.

01:24:33.000 No shit? 1.00

01:24:34.000 There's a sex strike in an old Greek play? 1.00

01:24:35.000 Yeah, and that's what that movie Chirac was about.

01:24:38.000 Really?

01:24:38.000 It was a sex strike in Chicago.

01:24:41.000 No kidding.

01:24:41.000 Did that work?

01:24:42.000 No.

01:24:44.000 I don't think it's ever...

01:24:45.000 I don't know.

01:24:46.000 Will you Google and see if it's ever been done? 0.99

01:24:48.000 I would imagine that girls just use an excuse to not fuck a guy they don't want to fuck. 1.00

01:24:53.000 Well, it's also like... 1.00

01:24:53.000 I'm on a sex strike. 1.00

01:24:54.000 Most of them aren't fucking anyway. 0.99

01:24:55.000 It's like, yeah. 0.97

01:24:56.000 Like, what are you gonna...

01:24:57.000 It's like Rock had that joke about, like, what are you gonna...

01:24:59.000 You can't stop... 0.99

01:25:00.000 You're already not fucking me. 1.00

01:25:02.000 Dude, when you hear women talk about not wanting to fuck their husbands, it's like, it's such a depressing... 1.00

01:25:09.000 I was listening to this gal. 1.00

01:25:10.000 She was like, well, you know, most wives don't want to have sex with their husbands. 1.00

01:25:13.000 Like, what? 0.50

01:25:15.000 You listen to that, you're like, ugh.

01:25:18.000 As a husband, it bumps you out?

01:25:19.000 Or as a human being?

01:25:21.000 Humans that are there in a situation.

01:25:23.000 Yeah.

01:25:24.000 Well, the thing that people like the most about relationships... 0.99

01:25:29.000 But besides the fact that you love someone, you care for someone, is having sex with somebody who wants to have sex with you. 0.98

01:25:35.000 It's fun. 0.98

01:25:36.000 It's a fun time.

01:25:37.000 It's very rewarding.

01:25:38.000 It feels real nice.

01:25:40.000 Especially if you take a little hit.

01:25:43.000 You really feel it.

01:25:44.000 You feel vulnerable.

01:25:46.000 It feels great.

01:25:47.000 So when you hear that someone doesn't want that, and their attitude is that most women don't want that. 0.98

01:25:52.000 Most women don't want to have sex with their husband. 1.00

01:25:53.000 They just do it because they have to.

01:25:55.000 Well, that's also, it's very hard to get a clear story about women and sexuality in that, like, it's, I don't, I think it varies from wildly.

01:26:04.000 Oh, for sure.

01:26:05.000 Hasn't it been girls you've dated?

01:26:06.000 Yeah, even the other day I put a thing on Instagram where I said, how, if you start following a guy, how long do you think he should wait to DM you?

01:26:17.000 Because as a guy, I'll have girls follow me, and because I just do jokes on there, I'm like, does this girl want to... 0.99

01:26:23.000 I don't want to be like, so you came for the comedy. 0.99

01:26:26.000 Also, dick... 0.99

01:26:30.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing. 1.00

01:26:31.000 I don't want to bum her out if she just came because she thinks I'm funny, but like, yes, but what about fucking me? 0.94

01:26:36.000 Can I introduce you in that? 1.00

01:26:37.000 What about my penis? 1.00

01:26:38.000 Yes. 1.00

01:26:41.000 And of course, the answers were all over the place.

01:26:44.000 Like, four days, five days, ten minutes, and then I said, but if he's cute, it doesn't matter, and they all wrote, nope.

01:26:51.000 Yeah, if it's Aquaman, just let them DMs slide around.

01:26:56.000 I like that you're referencing Aquaman as the paradigm of hotness, because he really is.

01:27:00.000 He's as good as it gets.

01:27:01.000 This is what my wife said.

01:27:03.000 She goes, he's everybody's type.

01:27:04.000 Yeah, including fish.

01:27:06.000 Yeah, he's a big, giant, handsome, beautiful man who seems to be extraordinarily kind.

01:27:12.000 Yeah.

01:27:13.000 He's got everything going for him.

01:27:14.000 And like, open.

01:27:14.000 He dates an older woman that's older than him.

01:27:17.000 Like, he's got, he exercises.

01:27:19.000 What does it say?

01:27:20.000 Furthermore, sex strikes have historically been affected.

01:27:22.000 I opened this and didn't read it.

01:27:23.000 As pointed by Chicagoist, in Kenya, the Philippines, Liberia, thanks Nobel Prize winner Lima...

01:27:32.000 Say that.

01:27:33.000 G-B-O-W-E. And in Colombia, where women held a 10-day strike in 2006 to end gang fighting.

01:27:46.000 Wow.

01:27:48.000 It is a great idea.

01:27:51.000 It truly is.

01:27:53.000 If you want to affect change, just get every...

01:27:55.000 I was saying to somebody last night, we all know every...

01:27:59.000 Somebody was...

01:28:00.000 Asking me about cheating.

01:28:05.000 And I was like, I'm not a cheater, but I was like, every guy...

01:28:09.000 Does what they do.

01:28:11.000 Most human achievement is because men wanted to get buildings, electricity. 0.93

01:28:18.000 If you think that scabs are a problem in unions, just trust me. 1.00

01:28:23.000 If you've got a fucking sex truck, them hoes are going to come out of the woodwork. 1.00

01:28:27.000 What am I going to use? 1.00

01:28:29.000 I have no leverage.

01:28:31.000 This is my main leverage.

01:28:34.000 But, yeah, it's a great bargaining tool.

01:28:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:38.000 I mean, it is the bargaining.

01:28:40.000 I mean, in some ways, that's most of the negotiation of a relationship is where girls go, like, women don't control it. 1.00

01:28:46.000 It's like... 0.99

01:28:47.000 They may not control it explicitly, but I know if I do something that's going to get you in a bad mood, you're not going to fuck me. 0.99

01:28:54.000 And legalized prostitution is one of the best ways to combat any kind of sex strike. 1.00

01:29:01.000 And that is one reason why women fucking hate the idea of legalized prostitution. 1.00

01:29:06.000 They don't ever want that to not be negotiable. 1.00

01:29:09.000 They don't ever want you to be able to go, oh, oh, I'm an asshole? 0.99

01:29:12.000 Yeah, I'm going for a drive. 0.99

01:29:13.000 And you go right down to the store.

01:29:15.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:29:16.000 You go to the sex store, and you pay for a 10, and she's built like Jessica Rabbit, and you bang her, and you have a time of your life. 1.00

01:29:23.000 And then you go home, and your girlfriend's got a little bit of a gut, and her ass is a little saggy, and you're like, I just, no. 1.00

01:29:30.000 You can't tell me what to do anymore. 0.99

01:29:31.000 I spent 80 bucks.

01:29:32.000 It wasn't that much.

01:29:34.000 Yeah.

01:29:34.000 If sex was legal, financially, if it was transactions, sexual transactions...

01:29:40.000 It is legal in a lot of countries.

01:29:41.000 Not a lot of countries, but a few countries.

01:29:43.000 A few.

01:29:43.000 Enough.

01:29:44.000 But if it was legal in this country, how much do you think it would shift perceptions?

01:29:49.000 I don't know, because I was just in Singapore, and apparently it's legal there.

01:29:54.000 By the way, I went to...

01:29:55.000 I was in Singapore, did some shows, excellent, and there was a place...

01:30:05.000 It's called Orchard Road, and it's a mall during the day. 0.94

01:30:09.000 And at night, it becomes a mall for prostitutes. 0.99

01:30:15.000 They have a prostitute mall? 1.00

01:30:16.000 Yes. 1.00

01:30:17.000 It's Orchard Road, and the awful saying for it is four floors of whores, which I hate the word whore. 1.00

01:30:25.000 Why do you hate the word whore? 1.00

01:30:26.000 I don't know. 0.96

01:30:26.000 It just bugs me. 0.96

01:30:27.000 It's like, you whore! 1.00

01:30:29.000 It just feels like dice or something. 1.00

01:30:30.000 You like Hooker? 1.00

01:30:31.000 I don't know. 0.85

01:30:32.000 I like hooker as a term of endearment. 0.99

01:30:35.000 I like hooker. 1.00

01:30:36.000 No, not like that. 1.00

01:30:38.000 Like Barney Miller? 1.00

01:30:38.000 Shut your mouth, hooker. 1.00

01:30:40.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:30:41.000 Like a girlfriend who's just joking around about something. 1.00

01:30:43.000 Like, shut your mouth, hooker, and everybody will laugh. 1.00

01:30:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:46.000 Uh...

01:30:50.000 So, the local guys were going there, and I was like, well, yeah, I'm going to go also, because I want to see this place, because I've read about it.

01:30:58.000 And there was a restaurant there that they ate in, which is a whole other issue.

01:31:01.000 But it's literally like a mall, like a shitty mall, not like a Glendale, Galleria, where it's just one of those square ones, where it's like four floors, there's an escalator in the middle, and then there's just basically like... 0.97

01:31:15.000 And there's just prostitutes, hookers as you call them, out... 1.00

01:31:22.000 In the walkway. 0.98

01:31:24.000 Jamie's got a visual for us.

01:31:25.000 I was trying to find something, but I found a TripAdvisor review of Orchard.

01:31:29.000 Don't go at night.

01:31:30.000 Yeah, wow.

01:31:31.000 Don't go here at nighttime unless you want to be shocked a little.

01:31:34.000 The whole place turns into countless brothel bars.

01:31:38.000 I feel like I need to scrub myself after our visit.

01:31:42.000 I was there about three minutes, and I was like, alright. 0.74

01:31:46.000 Because the thing is, There's a difference between legalized prostitution and anyone wanting to be a prostitute.

01:31:54.000 They don't want to be. 0.61

01:31:55.000 I mean, they are.

01:31:56.000 I don't think they're being forced to coerce, but life is coercing them into doing it.

01:32:01.000 What did you think about the Robert Kraft situation?

01:32:16.000 I think?

01:32:25.000 And they were threatening to release the film footage of him.

01:32:29.000 So what are you doing?

01:32:30.000 You're trying to shame him into submission?

01:32:32.000 And the fact that this guy, even though he's a billionaire, he can't stop that from happening? 0.99

01:32:37.000 Well, the funny thing is the fact that he's a billionaire and still has to go to the fucking drive-thru. 0.98

01:32:44.000 It's like, boy, I wish there was a better system. 0.99

01:32:48.000 There should be a better system.

01:32:50.000 I think it's going to be robots.

01:32:52.000 I think sex robots are going to blur the morality line. 1.00

01:32:55.000 I was at a, this is a similar thing about, like, there's no relief anywhere.

01:33:03.000 I was at a party recently and DiCaprio was there.

01:33:06.000 And there were a bunch, it was just like a huge, crazy party.

01:33:10.000 Like, crazy Hollywood party.

01:33:11.000 Like, the kind I never go to.

01:33:13.000 Just everyone's there.

01:33:15.000 And DiCaprio's girl wanted to leave. 0.88

01:33:18.000 And he goes, well, the girls are tired, so I gotta leave the greatest party ever.

01:33:25.000 Like, he had to leave.

01:33:27.000 Leonardo DiCaprio, the king of kings.

01:33:31.000 The girls are tired. 1.00

01:33:32.000 God, how long had they been at the party for?

01:33:37.000 I don't know, an hour and a half or something.

01:33:38.000 But there was like a dinner before.

01:33:40.000 But it was just a funny thing.

01:33:41.000 Like, oh, okay, so there's no...

01:33:43.000 It doesn't matter who I am.

01:33:44.000 You still...

01:33:45.000 You're at the whim.

01:33:46.000 When they're done, you gotta go.

01:33:49.000 Sometimes.

01:33:50.000 But having said that, we still all do it for some invisible...

01:33:59.000 Shangri-La. 0.97

01:34:00.000 I bet she would have stayed at the party for Aquaman.

01:34:02.000 You know what I mean?

01:34:04.000 I bet Aquaman was there.

01:34:05.000 She would have been like, it's fine.

01:34:06.000 Let's stay.

01:34:07.000 Yeah, my feet are open.

01:34:08.000 I'll take off my shoes.

01:34:10.000 Whatever. 0.98

01:34:13.000 But yeah, we're still doing it for some primal Like, all the achievements and all that shit. 0.96

01:34:21.000 It's still some... 0.97

01:34:22.000 Yeah.

01:34:22.000 Well, you want to be respected and loved and liked, and you want people to desire you.

01:34:28.000 Yeah.

01:34:28.000 That's part of it, right?

01:34:29.000 Even if you're not gonna take them up on it.

01:34:33.000 Right.

01:34:33.000 Yeah.

01:34:33.000 Like, I told an anecdote on Hell Neal Field this week about...

01:34:39.000 The best compliment I ever got.

01:34:41.000 I was doing a show in Vegas with two buddies of mine who shall remain nameless.

01:34:45.000 We get on the elevator at the end. 1.00

01:34:47.000 Woman gets on and goes, can I just say, I'm married, but I would fuck all of you guys. 1.00

01:34:53.000 And it was great. 1.00

01:34:56.000 It's like, oh, we feel accomplished.

01:35:01.000 We did a great job at the show.

01:35:02.000 You're attracted to us.

01:35:03.000 You just happened to be married.

01:35:04.000 And that's so nothing's ever going to happen.

01:35:06.000 But thank you for expressing your attraction to us.

01:35:10.000 I wonder if she was saying, even though I'm married.

01:35:13.000 No, she was saying it like, just so you know, if I weren't married.

01:35:18.000 If I wasn't married.

01:35:19.000 And she didn't mean at the same time either.

01:35:21.000 She was a little drunk.

01:35:22.000 She was a little tipsy. 1.00

01:35:24.000 She said some ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:35:25.000 But that's a very nice thing to say. 1.00

01:35:26.000 That's kind of what you want from everyone.

01:35:29.000 For a guy, yeah. 1.00

01:35:30.000 Like, hey, I would fuck you. 1.00

01:35:32.000 Girls don't want to hear that. 1.00

01:35:33.000 They're like, yeah, thanks.

01:35:35.000 Yeah, no kidding.

01:35:36.000 They don't want to hear that.

01:35:37.000 Everyone wants to, come on.

01:35:39.000 Hey, how do you like doing a podcast with Bianca?

01:35:42.000 I love doing it with Bianca.

01:35:44.000 She's hilarious.

01:35:44.000 Because she's funny.

01:35:46.000 Very smart. 1.00

01:35:47.000 Smart, and she's a pain in the ass. 1.00

01:35:49.000 In terms of, like, she is very, like, no. 1.00

01:35:54.000 Like, she has her own logic.

01:35:56.000 Yeah.

01:35:56.000 She has her own belief system, and we just argue it out.

01:36:02.000 She's more in, like...

01:36:03.000 And she's also, like, ten different races. 0.57

01:36:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:36:07.000 So she's pulling from, like, her father's Middle Eastern.

01:36:10.000 She grew up in Oakland.

01:36:11.000 Like, she's got a lot of different, like...

01:36:13.000 She's got Panamanian in her, too.

01:36:14.000 She's got Panamanian. 0.93

01:36:15.000 She speaks German, I think.

01:36:17.000 Like, for real.

01:36:18.000 Like, she speaks...

01:36:18.000 She's just, like, from all over.

01:36:21.000 And she's a fun...

01:36:24.000 She's fun and funny, and she's fun to be funny around. 0.64

01:36:28.000 Is she on How Neil Feel?

01:36:29.000 Yeah, she's on How Neil Feel.

01:36:30.000 That's the name of it.

01:36:31.000 So how often do you guys do it?

01:36:33.000 Once a week.

01:36:34.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:36:35.000 Where do you do it?

01:36:36.000 Do it literally in my bedroom.

01:36:37.000 Oh, nice.

01:36:38.000 Beautiful.

01:36:39.000 Because that's the only space we have.

01:36:41.000 That's cool.

01:36:42.000 But it's like, you know, it works.

01:36:43.000 How many have you done so far?

01:36:44.000 Four.

01:36:45.000 Okay, cool.

01:36:46.000 Isn't that nice?

01:36:46.000 The beginning of a podcast?

01:36:48.000 Yeah.

01:36:48.000 That's nice.

01:36:49.000 You can see what it becomes, like low expectations.

01:36:52.000 You can be like, yeah, we're still starting out.

01:36:53.000 Yeah.

01:36:54.000 Yeah, I like it.

01:36:55.000 Have you done any at the store?

01:36:58.000 No, I literally haven't done...

01:37:00.000 Any, I don't think.

01:37:02.000 Maybe I did one in the basement once.

01:37:04.000 It's a nice little spot, man.

01:37:05.000 It's cool.

01:37:07.000 It is kind of a cocoon.

01:37:08.000 Yeah, it is.

01:37:09.000 The way they have it set up down there is pretty badass.

01:37:12.000 And the fact that, wow, we're doing a podcast at the Comedy Store.

01:37:16.000 It feels kind of historical because that is the thing that brought that place back.

01:37:20.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 Podcasts brought that place back from the brink and made it the thriving center of comedy.

01:37:26.000 I think we can all agree that is the center of comedy in the known universe.

01:37:30.000 100%.

01:37:31.000 Yeah.

01:37:32.000 And that podcast...

01:37:33.000 Even like Robbie from Netflix is like, podcasts are like the indicator of streams.

01:37:40.000 Like, you know, it's pretty direct.

01:37:43.000 Yeah.

01:37:43.000 The correlation.

01:37:44.000 And I don't know what Tom would be more popular from Netflix or the podcast.

01:37:47.000 Yeah. 0.75

01:37:48.000 They're both pretty fucking popular right now. 0.99

01:37:51.000 He's murdering it right now. 0.99

01:37:53.000 His podcast has rabid fans.

01:37:56.000 Whenever they do these Garth Brooks things, oh my god, Garth Brooks is haunted.

01:38:01.000 He doesn't know what to do.

01:38:02.000 He's so trapped by your mom's house fans.

01:38:05.000 They just won't stop with the memes and the deep fakes with Tom's face over Garth Brooks' body.

01:38:11.000 I DM'd the deepfake guy.

01:38:13.000 Yeah?

01:38:15.000 Because I was like, is it hard?

01:38:16.000 Because it's terrifying.

01:38:19.000 Someone said...

01:38:20.000 Jamie did it.

01:38:20.000 Jamie used the software to make one with me with Trump's head.

01:38:24.000 Was it easy?

01:38:26.000 Very easy.

01:38:27.000 I was talking to somebody about it, and they said, it bums me out in the way death used to bum me out when I was a little kid.

01:38:37.000 It's like, wow!

01:38:40.000 Wow!

01:38:41.000 But I know what he means!

01:38:43.000 It's just like, unfathomable, like, oh, this is not good.

01:38:46.000 This is not good.

01:38:47.000 I'm the one you made.

01:38:48.000 Check this out.

01:38:49.000 Look at this.

01:38:49.000 He said, China is, quote, not competition for us, for the U.S. Look at this.

01:38:54.000 Are you talking about which vice president?

01:38:55.000 I'm sorry, former Vice President Biden.

01:38:57.000 I apologize.

01:38:58.000 He actually looks like Joey Diaz.

01:39:02.000 Dude, that looks like me if I was fat and I had a crazy haircut.

01:39:05.000 That's me.

01:39:06.000 Everyone's competition.

01:39:08.000 I view everybody as competition.

01:39:10.000 That's so good.

01:39:11.000 How long did it take for real?

01:39:13.000 I was teaching myself how to do it, really.

01:39:18.000 This version took...

01:39:19.000 I let it run overnight because there's a little bit of what the machine learning kind of thing is doing.

01:39:22.000 The longer you let that run, the better it is is what I've been learning.

01:39:25.000 So this was just my test of like eight hours maybe, six hours?

01:39:28.000 But you could have multiples going at once.

01:39:30.000 Yeah, once I made this version of Joe.

01:39:31.000 Once you're in the hopper. 0.95

01:39:32.000 The crazy thing is porn.

01:39:33.000 They're doing that with gals. 1.00

01:39:35.000 I love that you've used the word gals twice. 0.78

01:39:38.000 I love that word.

01:39:38.000 I love it.

01:39:39.000 This is a good time to bring this up because I just saw something today, literally, and it has to do with this, and I don't know if this is real, but it sounds scary, and this is where someone's taking this technology into a weird place.

01:39:49.000 A lady has a Facebook post, that's why I don't believe it, but she said she was with her son, and while she was out of her house, her husband was called Saying that her son was kidnapped.

01:39:59.000 And that he heard his son's voice saying, like, mommy, help me, help me, help me.

01:40:03.000 And to give him money.

01:40:04.000 And the dad was freaking out.

01:40:06.000 Didn't know what to do.

01:40:07.000 Couldn't get a hold of him.

01:40:09.000 And finally did after six minutes.

01:40:11.000 And she said they couldn't even convince the dad that that wasn't real.

01:40:14.000 Like after hearing, no, I'm fine.

01:40:16.000 We're fine.

01:40:16.000 I'm with him.

01:40:17.000 But I don't know if this is even real.

01:40:18.000 How they could do that with the capability now, I'm not sure.

01:40:22.000 But they might be able to.

01:40:23.000 Oh, for sure they can do it.

01:40:24.000 Yeah, you can mod somebody's voice.

01:40:26.000 I mean, if they can do it with faces, they can do it with audio.

01:40:28.000 They did it with Tupac at Coachella like five years ago.

01:40:31.000 That was...

01:40:31.000 The way he said Coachella is exactly how he would have said it.

01:40:36.000 And they have that hologram that looks just like him, but like a little more jacked.

01:40:41.000 Just a little more six-pack-y, like he went to CrossFit in heaven.

01:40:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:49.000 Yeah, I totally believe they can do the voice shit. 0.98

01:40:52.000 That was seven years ago for that one. 0.99

01:40:54.000 Wow!

01:40:54.000 Yeah, they're so close.

01:40:55.000 Now, even if you go back and watch Game of Thrones, like season one, and what the wolves look like, they look like shit. 0.99

01:41:00.000 Really? 1.00

01:41:01.000 Yeah, they're shitty CGI wolves. 0.99

01:41:03.000 They're a little clunky. 0.98

01:41:04.000 But now they look amazing. 0.99

01:41:05.000 Now it looks like a real fucking wolf. 1.00

01:41:07.000 What is this? 0.99

01:41:07.000 That's Tupac. 0.99

01:41:08.000 Look how jacked he is.

01:41:09.000 Do you have any idea how many sit-ups you have to do to have a stomach like that?

01:41:12.000 You gotta be on that Wiz Khalifa type exercise routine.

01:41:15.000 It's also, you gotta not eat any starch, right?

01:41:19.000 I mean, any sugars of any kind. 0.98

01:41:21.000 You can't be fucking around with carbs. 0.97

01:41:23.000 Carbs will keep you from being really shredded. 0.99

01:41:26.000 I mean, not all carbs, but either doing a lot of fasting.

01:41:31.000 You gotta do something to get your body fat down that low.

01:41:34.000 Because it doesn't matter how many sit-ups you do, right?

01:41:37.000 It's not gonna...

01:41:38.000 Well, sit-ups make your ab muscles bigger.

01:41:40.000 Yeah.

01:41:40.000 They make them more defined and bigger.

01:41:41.000 I can see one of mine.

01:41:43.000 Yeah.

01:41:43.000 You've got to lose weight.

01:41:45.000 The only way is losing fat.

01:41:47.000 You guys want to see it?

01:41:47.000 No, I'm good.

01:41:48.000 It's so easy to get fat, too.

01:41:49.000 I'm so amazed at how easy I can get fat on a vacation.

01:41:52.000 Like, one week I gain 10 pounds.

01:41:54.000 If I go on a vacation and I just go drink and eat pasta, 10 pounds in a week.

01:41:59.000 Well, that's like, you're running such a small margin.

01:42:02.000 Yeah.

01:42:03.000 Just in everyday life, where it's like, yeah, if you just eat...

01:42:08.000 I mean, it's fairly massive, but it's not like...

01:42:11.000 What do you think it is?

01:42:12.000 800 calories a day?

01:42:13.000 No.

01:42:14.000 No.

01:42:14.000 Extra, I mean.

01:42:16.000 The extra?

01:42:16.000 Yeah.

01:42:16.000 I don't know.

01:42:17.000 Not with me, man.

01:42:18.000 I go hard.

01:42:19.000 When I eat on vacation, drinking and eating.

01:42:23.000 Like, just the drinking.

01:42:25.000 When I'm on vacation, I might drink four or five drinks a day.

01:42:28.000 Maybe more.

01:42:29.000 Every day.

01:42:30.000 Do you drink during the day?

01:42:31.000 If you're on vacation without your kids?

01:42:33.000 No.

01:42:33.000 Sometimes, no.

01:42:34.000 No, no.

01:42:34.000 Not without my kids.

01:42:35.000 But when my kids are there, I'm hammered.

01:42:37.000 Yeah, you gotta be.

01:42:38.000 I'm just kidding.

01:42:39.000 Yeah, I get that.

01:42:40.000 No, but if I'm on vacation and I'm out, I might have a drink at the pool or at the beach or wherever I am.

01:42:47.000 And then at night, if I go to dinner, I might have two or three. 0.99

01:42:50.000 So I might have four or five drinks every fucking day. 0.99

01:42:53.000 That's not a normal day for me. 1.00

01:42:54.000 So that shit's just piling up. 0.99

01:42:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:42:56.000 And what are you drinking? 0.99

01:42:58.000 Whatever.

01:42:59.000 Whatever.

01:42:59.000 What do we got?

01:43:00.000 Yeah, if I'm on vacation... 0.99

01:43:02.000 I'm trying to get fucked up. 0.99

01:43:04.000 I'm trying to have a good time. 0.99

01:43:05.000 I'm doing it like it's my job.

01:43:06.000 And are you...

01:43:07.000 Does your wife get drunk? 1.00

01:43:09.000 She'll get hammered. 1.00

01:43:10.000 Yeah, that's great.

01:43:11.000 Not as much as me, though.

01:43:12.000 I get more drunk than her.

01:43:15.000 That's fun.

01:43:15.000 Yeah.

01:43:16.000 Yeah, well, if you don't know where to go and you can just walk to wherever you're supposed to be...

01:43:20.000 Yeah.

01:43:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:22.000 But ten pounds later, I'm like, you fat fuck, and I'm grabbing my sides. 1.00

01:43:26.000 When I can grab a fistful of meat right where my love handles are, I'm like, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:43:31.000 Well, because it's so like you fucked up and you just like have a thing that you have a handful of regret. 0.98

01:43:39.000 Yeah, it'd take a whole week to get everything back in line. 0.97

01:43:41.000 By the way, not that long.

01:43:43.000 I mean, that's not a very long time. 0.99

01:43:45.000 Compared to most people, like at your age, fucking people's metabolism takes them. 1.00

01:43:51.000 People get fat a little bit and then they're done. 1.00

01:43:54.000 Yeah, but I still do the same shit that I did when I was 21. Like in terms of like the amount of working out I do. 0.98

01:44:01.000 Yeah.

01:44:02.000 I'm still running hills and doing serious kettlebell workouts and martial arts and all that stuff.

01:44:08.000 At least five days a week. 0.96

01:44:10.000 And you do muscle shit every day or you do groups? 0.99

01:44:13.000 Sometimes I'll do something every day. 0.99

01:44:15.000 I'll do multiple workouts in a day because I have a gym at home.

01:44:18.000 So I'll get up in the morning and I'll lift and then I'll do yoga and then I'll do something later.

01:44:23.000 You have to keep going.

01:44:25.000 When you're 50 years old, your body requires...

01:44:28.000 You can't have too much slacking. 1.00

01:44:31.000 Because when you slack, if you get out of shape, fuck man, it's hard to get back in shape. 1.00

01:44:35.000 It's hard. 1.00

01:44:36.000 Your body is trying to die.

01:44:38.000 It's not trying to put muscle on and up your VO2 max.

01:44:44.000 It's not interested in that.

01:44:46.000 It's interested in dying. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Gotta trick that bitch. 1.00

01:44:49.000 And continuously working out as he kind of like the main if not only. 1.00

01:44:54.000 I've been cranking the sauna up to 200 degrees because Gabriella Reese told me that Laird Hamilton puts his shit on 220. 220. That's what she said, right? 0.99

01:45:03.000 220. Which is you cook meat at 220 degrees.

01:45:07.000 That's like, that's fucking hot. 0.96

01:45:10.000 And I was like, there must be some sort of benefit in that. 0.99

01:45:12.000 So I'm like, I'm going to ramp my shit up from 180 to 200. And it made a big difference. 0.98

01:45:17.000 And what's the difference?

01:45:19.000 First of all, it's way harder to do.

01:45:21.000 The difference between 160 and 160. I was at a sauna this past weekend at a gym, like a hotel gym.

01:45:28.000 It was a nice sauna, but it was not hot enough.

01:45:30.000 It was like 160-ish.

01:45:32.000 It's just not that hot.

01:45:33.000 You're sweating, and it's helping.

01:45:35.000 You're getting heat shock proteins.

01:45:36.000 It's good for your body.

01:45:37.000 It reduces inflammation, but not nearly as radically as when you hit 200. 200 is fucking hard to do. 0.97

01:45:44.000 First of all, the wood in the sauna that you're sitting on is hot as fuck. 0.99

01:45:49.000 You need your sweat to cool off the wood, because the wood is like a plank, like a cedar plank that you're cooking a filet of salmon on. 0.97

01:45:56.000 That's what the wood gets like.

01:45:58.000 How long can you stay in it?

01:46:00.000 20 minutes.

01:46:01.000 And those last five minutes are rough.

01:46:03.000 And how do you deal with the pain?

01:46:09.000 You don't want to move, right?

01:46:11.000 So are you just still?

01:46:13.000 The last five minutes, I get up and I start walking around, actually.

01:46:17.000 I feel like I have more of a hard time sitting still in the last five minutes.

01:46:21.000 Yeah, I would think you have to.

01:46:23.000 Yeah, I distract myself by stretching and moving.

01:46:25.000 Are you wearing flip-flops or they would melt?

01:46:27.000 No.

01:46:28.000 Well, you know what works, though, surprisingly?

01:46:31.000 AirPods. 1.00

01:46:32.000 Those fucking things don't die out in 200. Your phone would be dead as fuck. 1.00

01:46:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:37.000 But AirPods keep going.

01:46:38.000 So if I put my phone just outside the door and I put AirPods on, I can listen to music.

01:46:43.000 Do you think they're hot to the touch?

01:46:45.000 Yeah, they're hot.

01:46:45.000 I feel them.

01:46:46.000 But they're not breaking down.

01:46:48.000 They hang in there at 200 degrees.

01:46:51.000 Good for you, AirPods.

01:46:52.000 Yeah, they're good, man.

01:46:53.000 And you feel markedly different.

01:46:57.000 Yeah, you feel good when you get out of there, man.

01:46:59.000 Like, all your little aches and pains feel like they get a big bump, like a big reduction in the aches and pains.

01:47:08.000 And most of your aches and pains are aged and working out?

01:47:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:47:12.000 Just inflammation in general.

01:47:14.000 Hey, what age would you be pissed if you died at?

01:47:20.000 60, would you be pissed? 0.98

01:47:23.000 Do you know what I mean by piss? 1.00

01:47:24.000 Like, fucking, fuck you. 1.00

01:47:26.000 I fucking did all the right shit. 1.00

01:47:27.000 Yeah, I don't know, man. 1.00

01:47:28.000 You know, I just heard John Singleton.

01:47:30.000 He died at 51. Yeah.

01:47:32.000 You know, Luke Perry died at 51 or 52. Stroke, both those guys.

01:47:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:37.000 Like, fucking, that's me. 1.00

01:47:38.000 That's this age. 1.00

01:47:40.000 Yeah.

01:47:40.000 Stroke.

01:47:40.000 William Stevenson, even.

01:47:41.000 I mean, he was not in good shape, but like...

01:47:43.000 He wasn't old.

01:47:45.000 No, no.

01:47:46.000 Keith Robinson.

01:47:47.000 Yeah, that one.

01:47:47.000 How old was Keith when he had his stroke?

01:47:50.000 50. Fuck. 1.00

01:47:53.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:47:55.000 Yeah, like at what point would you be like, feel ripped off? 1.00

01:47:58.000 Probably right now.

01:48:00.000 So 60, you would be like... 0.99

01:48:02.000 I beat the shit out of this body, though. 0.99

01:48:03.000 It's amazing this thing works as good as it does. 0.99

01:48:06.000 You know, if I think about my body as like a car that I've been off-roading...

01:48:09.000 Do you still feel like you're beating the shit out of it, or do you feel like the jiu-jitsu stuff was beating the shit out of it? 0.85

01:48:13.000 Well, I still do that, though. 0.96

01:48:14.000 But I went running in the hills yesterday. 0.99

01:48:17.000 Hard fucking workout yesterday. 0.99

01:48:19.000 How far? 0.99

01:48:20.000 Two miles, but it's super steep.

01:48:23.000 It's like one stretch is more than a...

01:48:27.000 It's 200 yards straight up. 0.99

01:48:29.000 It's fucking hard. 0.99

01:48:31.000 It's a hard sprint. 0.99

01:48:32.000 The dog runs ahead and I'm trying to keep up with him.

01:48:34.000 Yeah.

01:48:35.000 But you get to the top of these really steep hills, man.

01:48:38.000 Your legs are on fire.

01:48:39.000 Your lungs are killing you.

01:48:40.000 But, man, it makes a difference. 0.99

01:48:42.000 But it's also, are you beating the shit out of your body or are you just doing it right? 0.98

01:48:46.000 I'm strengthening it. 0.99

01:48:47.000 I'm doing it right.

01:48:48.000 But I am putting a lot of pressure on the joints.

01:48:51.000 I'm putting a lot of pressure on the muscles.

01:48:53.000 It's not like doing yoga every day.

01:48:56.000 I'm doing some pretty heavy-duty stuff.

01:48:58.000 But...

01:48:59.000 I feel like if you do it smart and you warm up a lot and you stretch, and I've been pretty diligent about recovery, sauna in a big way, but also I've been getting trigger point muscle release therapy, which is like really hardcore,

01:49:15.000 brutal massage that...

01:49:17.000 You literally want to cry.

01:49:18.000 Like this kind of...

01:49:20.000 Yeah, but like elbows. 0.99

01:49:21.000 This lady fucking puts her elbow in the back of my neck and you're like... 1.00

01:49:24.000 But it makes a big difference, man. 1.00

01:49:29.000 All that stuff.

01:49:30.000 Cryotherapy.

01:49:30.000 All that stuff.

01:49:31.000 Everything's got a little place.

01:49:32.000 It helps.

01:49:33.000 But the main thing is consistency.

01:49:37.000 Like you can't...

01:49:38.000 You can't take months off.

01:49:39.000 You can't.

01:49:40.000 You can't take weeks off.

01:49:41.000 You can't just eat.

01:49:42.000 It'll slip away.

01:49:44.000 Your body wants to do what it's been doing.

01:49:46.000 Yep.

01:49:46.000 Like your spirit, whatever.

01:49:48.000 Whether it's like, you know, whatever the laws that body in motion stays in motion.

01:49:52.000 But it just does.

01:49:54.000 It's gonna, like sugar, same thing.

01:49:56.000 Eat sugar and you're like, we gotta get more sugar.

01:49:58.000 Don't eat it and four days later you're like...

01:50:00.000 I feel like variety is really critical too.

01:50:03.000 I make sure that I get at least one or two days of yoga in, at least one or two days of running, at least one or two days of lifting, at least one or two days of martial arts. 0.97

01:50:11.000 Do a bunch of different shit. 0.97

01:50:13.000 Mix it all up together. 0.99

01:50:15.000 Because if I don't mix it all up together, then there's too much repetitive stress possibility.

01:50:20.000 If I'm just running every day, I don't think that's wise.

01:50:25.000 And why don't you do interval training with running?

01:50:28.000 I do sometimes.

01:50:29.000 Yeah, I do. 0.99

01:50:30.000 I do a bunch of different shit. 0.98

01:50:32.000 Sometimes I just do hill sprints, and then I slowly go down the hill, I wait till my heart rate gets below 140, and then I sprint back up the hill again. 0.99

01:50:40.000 I mix it up, but the key is consistency.

01:50:44.000 No matter what you're doing, whether it's yoga or running, you've got to do something almost every day.

01:50:49.000 Yeah.

01:50:50.000 I don't do some every day, but I try to do, like, I got a treadmill and now I have a Bowflex.

01:50:54.000 I'm proud to say I'm a proud owner of a Bowflex.

01:50:56.000 You're the last guy to buy one.

01:50:57.000 I know. 0.99

01:50:58.000 You're about to go out of business, but they go, we just got a fucking order from you. 0.99

01:51:00.000 I'm from 1988, bro. 0.99

01:51:02.000 Yeah, my ex-girlfriend's roommate had a Bowflex. 0.96

01:51:06.000 I remember using this going, why in the fuck can I get out of this? 0.63

01:51:08.000 It's big, actually. 0.95

01:51:09.000 Yeah.

01:51:10.000 Like, it's like, it takes up a lot of space.

01:51:12.000 Yeah, because it's got a bow.

01:51:13.000 I didn't even put, yeah, you're right, but the bow.

01:51:16.000 Bro, come on.

01:51:17.000 They don't, that only, that's when it, yeah, it does have like a wing.

01:51:21.000 It is a winged bird.

01:51:23.000 Does it work?

01:51:24.000 Yeah, I, yes.

01:51:26.000 You got a good workout?

01:51:26.000 I got, I'm getting my gains, bro.

01:51:28.000 I still have like dumbbells and, you know, other shit, bands. 0.84

01:51:31.000 I tell people, if you really want to work out at home, all you need is a chin-up par. 0.87

01:51:35.000 Everything else you can do on the ground.

01:51:36.000 You can do bodyweight exercises, you can do...

01:51:40.000 I gotta say, I don't even think you need a chin-up bar.

01:51:42.000 I mean, again, you know 10 times more than I know, but I'm saying, like, what are you getting from a chin-up bar that you can't get from a...

01:52:10.000 I don't work my back out very much. 0.99

01:52:13.000 Am I fucking myself? 0.99

01:52:14.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

01:52:15.000 You have to strengthen that bitch. 1.00

01:52:17.000 To keep the stability in your spinal column. 1.00

01:52:19.000 You want meat.

01:52:21.000 You want that to be armored.

01:52:22.000 That's very big.

01:52:23.000 I have several machines out there that are just designed to keep my back strong.

01:52:28.000 And you just think it's good.

01:52:30.000 It's best practice.

01:52:31.000 Yeah, man.

01:52:32.000 I do that almost as much as any other kind of exercise.

01:52:35.000 I do a reverse hyper...

01:52:36.000 I do a whole series.

01:52:37.000 The reverse hyper machine, the glutes, the glute machine where you, you know...

01:52:42.000 I cannot believe how hard glutes are.

01:52:45.000 Like, it's the hardest...

01:52:47.000 That's the one after it I'm like... 1.00

01:52:49.000 Fuck, I'm gonna fucking throw up. 1.00

01:52:51.000 It's the fucking worst. 1.00

01:52:54.000 It's hard, yeah. 0.97

01:52:55.000 And you have to even, like, I was talking to a trainer, and she was like, well, you need to, like, activate your glutes.

01:53:01.000 And then part of me is like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

01:53:04.000 And then the more research, it's like, our glutes are dead.

01:53:07.000 As, like, normal people, we don't use our glutes, and they are literally atrophied. 1.00

01:53:12.000 That's why women get so disgusted by a guy's flat ass. 1.00

01:53:15.000 They're like, this motherfucker doesn't even activate his glutes. 1.00

01:53:18.000 No, but dude, you have to do a ton of shit. 1.00

01:53:21.000 You have to do a ton of shit just to... 0.99

01:53:23.000 And she's like, it would take you a couple months to even just get them activated. 0.99

01:53:27.000 And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. 0.98

01:53:29.000 I just thought it was some trainer shit. 0.99

01:53:30.000 And you have to turn them on. 1.00

01:53:33.000 Yeah.

01:53:34.000 Like, you have to, like, do bad. 1.00

01:53:35.000 Like, I do a ton of shit. 0.99

01:53:37.000 I don't even know if I'm doing it right. 0.99

01:53:38.000 They gotta get fired up.

01:53:39.000 Do you have a trainer?

01:53:40.000 You gotta get a trainer.

01:53:41.000 I should get a trainer.

01:53:41.000 Come on, man.

01:53:42.000 Yeah.

01:53:42.000 You gotta cash.

01:53:43.000 Yeah.

01:53:43.000 Get yourself a trainer, Neil Brendan.

01:53:45.000 Yeah, I should.

01:53:46.000 Plus, it's good because you have to make...

01:53:48.000 Is this your Bowflex?

01:53:49.000 No, I wish.

01:53:50.000 That's the mirror.

01:53:52.000 Look, if you think I didn't almost buy this, you're out of your mind.

01:53:54.000 We're working on magnets.

01:53:55.000 This is the mirror one.

01:53:56.000 It's like magnet weight something or other.

01:53:58.000 I've been seeing this online recently.

01:53:59.000 I was curious if you've ever heard of it or know if it works well.

01:54:02.000 That's good.

01:54:03.000 Two chords?

01:54:04.000 How much resistance?

01:54:05.000 That's what I want.

01:54:06.000 The resistance is all internally done just by magnet pressure that you set.

01:54:09.000 Well, what's the maximum amount of resistance, though?

01:54:11.000 Because I don't know if you know this, but I'm jacked.

01:54:13.000 No, yeah, I heard.

01:54:16.000 How much?

01:54:18.000 148 pounds?

01:54:18.000 That's just in the middle.

01:54:19.000 I think you're probably 200 plus pounds.

01:54:21.000 I think 148 will take care of most people.

01:54:24.000 Yeah, and if you're just doing cables, so 148 on each side, is that what it is?

01:54:29.000 I don't know, literally.

01:54:30.000 It's new, and I was just curious if you had seen anything since you guys were talking about this.

01:54:34.000 No, that looks badass.

01:54:34.000 So the mirror is showing you your form?

01:54:37.000 Your form versus video.

01:54:39.000 It's like a screen.

01:54:40.000 Form versus, like, are you doing it correctly?

01:54:41.000 Oh, look at that!

01:54:43.000 And they tell you what to do.

01:54:46.000 And it goes up and down, and it fits on the wall.

01:54:48.000 Is that a gimmick?

01:54:49.000 That's what I'm wondering.

01:54:50.000 Is there any reviews of that?

01:54:52.000 It's like brand new.

01:54:53.000 I don't even know if it's going to happen.

01:54:54.000 The reviews are all pretty strong.

01:54:57.000 Like, as you're saying, it all comes down to, are you going to do it?

01:55:01.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:55:01.000 If you do it every day, it's fucking great. 0.94

01:55:03.000 Right. 0.97

01:55:04.000 Most people won't do it every day.

01:55:06.000 Yep.

01:55:07.000 Because it's...

01:55:09.000 You've got to write it down.

01:55:11.000 Every day I brush my teeth.

01:55:13.000 Yeah.

01:55:14.000 So do that too.

01:55:15.000 But it takes longer.

01:55:16.000 I meditate twice a day.

01:55:17.000 Twice a day?

01:55:18.000 Yeah.

01:55:18.000 Really?

01:55:18.000 20. 20 each.

01:55:19.000 Wow.

01:55:20.000 TM. Interesting.

01:55:22.000 Yeah.

01:55:22.000 So how does that work?

01:55:23.000 What do you do?

01:55:25.000 Sit down, set the timer for 20, and close my eyes and repeat the mantra.

01:55:31.000 What's your mantra?

01:55:32.000 I can't tell you, bro. 1.00

01:55:33.000 Suck a cock. 1.00

01:55:35.000 Suck a cock. 1.00

01:55:36.000 Suck a cock. 1.00

01:55:38.000 Suck a cock. 1.00

01:55:39.000 Suck a cock. 1.00

01:55:40.000 And it... 1.00

01:55:43.000 I think it works.

01:55:44.000 I think I need less sleep as a result.

01:55:46.000 Really?

01:55:47.000 Since I've started.

01:55:48.000 I started like a year and a half ago, and I've needed significantly less sleep from before.

01:55:52.000 And I don't know, again, because it's impossible to know what's doing what.

01:55:57.000 What are the benefits in terms of clarity and stuff?

01:56:00.000 I don't, again, I don't know.

01:56:02.000 I think they're good, but I can't say, like, well, I was writing 4.3 jokes a month before, and now I write 4.8.

01:56:09.000 Like, I don't, there's no direct correlation.

01:56:12.000 I am happy with my output, but, like, hmm.

01:56:15.000 Isn't that funny that, like, to an average person, they'd be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, four point, you're joking, right?

01:56:20.000 No.

01:56:20.000 No, if I get four great jokes a month, that's an amazing month.

01:56:24.000 Yeah, well, it's like that, I was going to bring it up when you were talking about deer hunting.

01:56:27.000 Yeah, right.

01:56:28.000 Similar.

01:56:28.000 Yeah, if you see the special, thought of it all at once on the special.

01:56:35.000 You had a great line about writing, like writing in a notebook or on your phone, that it's like a net to catch ideas.

01:56:43.000 Yeah, that really is.

01:56:45.000 I thought about that.

01:56:45.000 I was like, that is a great way to put it.

01:56:47.000 Yeah, like here, put it on the thing and then you can look back.

01:56:51.000 You ever have an idea, write it down. 0.95

01:56:53.000 And then three days later looking, you're like, that's fucking funny. 0.63

01:56:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.95

01:56:57.000 You're funny. 1.00

01:56:58.000 Well, that's why you got to throw a lot of shit against the wall. 0.99

01:57:00.000 I have pages and pages of stuff that I review, like late night rambles, that I label them late night rambles. 0.99

01:57:07.000 Because I write a lot of times at night after the store.

01:57:11.000 By yourself?

01:57:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:12.000 Everyone's asleep.

01:57:13.000 I'm high.

01:57:14.000 I just sit in front of the computer.

01:57:16.000 And is it like you have a germ from the day?

01:57:18.000 I have, sometimes, but I have one hour that I have to write.

01:57:22.000 So there's one hour in front of that computer.

01:57:24.000 And I give myself that one hour, and then after that I can watch YouTube videos, Netflix, whatever.

01:57:29.000 But I have to get that one hour in. 0.97

01:57:31.000 And, man, there's been many times where I'm sitting there staring at that fucking computer for 20 minutes, and then... 0.98

01:57:37.000 I got an idea. 0.98

01:57:38.000 I'm like, oh my god, there's something.

01:57:39.000 And then the next day I do that on stage.

01:57:41.000 Boom! 0.99

01:57:41.000 It gets a laugh. 0.99

01:57:42.000 I'm like, fuck yeah! 1.00

01:57:43.000 That reward for the tediousness. 1.00

01:57:46.000 Just getting through the sitting in front, staring at the blank screen, staring at some fucking weird notes. 0.97

01:57:53.000 You're not even sure if they mean anything. 0.99

01:57:55.000 Trying to find some old shit where there's just a spark of an ember. 0.99

01:57:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:00.000 That can blow on and turn into a fire.

01:58:02.000 Or, like, I had a joke that I was trying, and I was like, I know it's good.

01:58:08.000 I just have to come up with the right thing.

01:58:11.000 Yeah.

01:58:12.000 And then I tried a couple of things. 0.99

01:58:15.000 The first couple times, you fuck it up. 0.98

01:58:16.000 You don't say it right. 0.96

01:58:18.000 It is the tedious and the mild embarrassment of just, like, trying and failing.

01:58:23.000 Oof.

01:58:24.000 But having an idea...

01:58:27.000 Writing it down, doing it on stage is, to me, the most rewarding thing I can think of.

01:58:33.000 It's one of the most rewarding things in all of life.

01:58:36.000 Yeah, I mean, honestly.

01:58:37.000 And I don't say that like, I just mean like, living a life, that is the thing.

01:58:41.000 And it's not, that's the one that's not really about women or not about, that's more like spiritual.

01:58:46.000 Yeah.

01:58:47.000 It's like about like...

01:58:49.000 I don't know.

01:58:50.000 Yeah, and like, you...

01:58:53.000 It goes through your filter.

01:58:57.000 Yeah.

01:58:58.000 And you're like, no one ever thought of that?

01:58:59.000 Right. 0.98

01:59:00.000 No one fucking ever thought of that. 0.98

01:59:02.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

01:59:02.000 Fuck, that's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:59:04.000 Those are the best ones. 1.00

01:59:05.000 You're like, how did I catch this?

01:59:06.000 Yeah, like, how?

01:59:07.000 What?

01:59:08.000 Thank you.

01:59:09.000 Thank you.

01:59:11.000 How often do you write on stage?

01:59:13.000 How often do you ad-lib on stage?

01:59:15.000 Very rarely.

01:59:16.000 Really?

01:59:17.000 You see, I come up with my sheets.

01:59:19.000 Yep, yep, yep. 0.97

01:59:19.000 But I have a new joke show every Tuesday in Santa Monica, so I'll go up and do as much new shit as I have and mix it in with my... 0.97

01:59:29.000 I mean, you know that when you have a hunk, then you'll put like... 0.81

01:59:32.000 I can put that part in there, so you kind of have to do some old jokes that fit in the new part.

01:59:39.000 Yeah.

01:59:41.000 And, but my, I'm like, I usually am like, if I write four jokes, one of them will work.

01:59:47.000 Yeah.

01:59:47.000 Like, and I just like, yep.

01:59:49.000 Yeah.

01:59:50.000 Alright.

01:59:50.000 Four jokes, one of them will have something.

01:59:52.000 And then sometimes the other ones, you're like, man, I don't know if you're alive or not.

01:59:55.000 I gotta stare at you for a little bit.

01:59:56.000 I gotta try to figure out a way to bring you to life.

01:59:59.000 Yeah.

01:59:59.000 This might be something there.

02:00:01.000 Yeah.

02:00:01.000 Maybe missing it on the first pass, set it aside for a couple weeks.

02:00:04.000 Or you ever have a premise and years later you'll figure it out?

02:00:06.000 Oh, years later.

02:00:07.000 A decade.

02:00:08.000 Yeah.

02:00:09.000 And you're like, oh, fuck. 1.00

02:00:10.000 And you just know how to do it now. 0.99

02:00:12.000 Maybe you have a bit that you did that taught you about something else or some other aspect of writing a bit.

02:00:17.000 And you couldn't explain it to someone who doesn't do it.

02:00:22.000 No.

02:00:23.000 It's kind of not...

02:00:25.000 I mean, maybe athletes a little bit where it's like they figure the game out in a different way.

02:00:30.000 But it's so private.

02:00:32.000 And it's so...

02:00:34.000 And that's the thing.

02:00:36.000 I was talking to somebody about this.

02:00:37.000 Like, How many funny people are there in the world?

02:00:42.000 There's a lot of funny people.

02:00:43.000 But how many of them are stand-up funny?

02:00:47.000 If they could just go on stage and make a room full of people laugh.

02:00:50.000 That's a hard one.

02:00:51.000 A couple hundred, if you're being generous?

02:00:53.000 If you're going to be really generous, how many real, legit, professional comedians that you and I respect?

02:00:58.000 Maybe 200. And there's 7 billion people in the world?

02:01:04.000 And that's the rare...

02:01:06.000 And as much as comedy is like...

02:01:08.000 Deified in ways that are sort of goofy now.

02:01:11.000 It's still like, no!

02:01:12.000 This is all...

02:01:13.000 We do everything. 0.95

02:01:14.000 It's fucking interesting. 0.81

02:01:15.000 And especially now, the way the culture is, we're the only people speaking freely in public, or at least in an organized way. 0.98

02:01:22.000 In this format as well.

02:01:25.000 Podcast and stand-up.

02:01:27.000 Those are the only two things.

02:01:28.000 Yeah.

02:01:29.000 I mean, everything else right now is compromised.

02:01:31.000 It seems like it.

02:01:33.000 Yeah, and then everybody else feels at work, you can't really talk freely.

02:01:38.000 At home, in relationships, there's like, and it's not like we're just talking extemporaneously.

02:01:44.000 Like, I don't even know where I'm going, but I don't fucking know what's going to happen at the end of this sentence.

02:01:51.000 And that's the thing that's so riveting about it, is no one else is doing it. 0.75

02:01:57.000 And there's only a few hundred people that can do it well.

02:02:00.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:02:01.000 It's also riveting, too, the creation of these little things that you come up with.

02:02:08.000 If you keep going, eventually there'll be a special.

02:02:12.000 Eventually it'll be something you actually can record.

02:02:15.000 And there's this thought, like, I'm onto something.

02:02:18.000 I'm piecing this little puzzle together.

02:02:20.000 And not even knowing.

02:02:22.000 Someone said, like, so how do you come up with it?

02:02:24.000 And I was like, I don't even know what I mean.

02:02:26.000 Yeah.

02:02:27.000 When I start and then I write the jokes, I'm like, oh, I see what I was doing or going through.

02:02:34.000 Do you sometimes rewrite a bit, like write a bit and then rewrite it from a different angle?

02:02:40.000 I mean, there's obviously like threads of like, like you just do the inverse.

02:02:45.000 Sometimes I take a bit when it's already done and I say, okay, let me put that aside.

02:02:49.000 I know it's done.

02:02:50.000 I know it works.

02:02:51.000 Let me approach the subject from a completely different angle now.

02:02:55.000 Yeah.

02:02:56.000 Let me approach the subject as a hater.

02:02:58.000 Well, couldn't you do...

02:02:59.000 You end up probably doing both of them, right? 0.97

02:03:01.000 Like, a lot of your feminism shit, the thing you were closing with, felt like you'd written half and then were like, well... 0.99

02:03:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:03:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:03:08.000 And now, my own rebuttal.

02:03:10.000 Well, I wanted to rebut myself.

02:03:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:12.000 And I also wanted to shit on myself so hard that by the time I got to shitting on the feminists, like, it worked. 1.00

02:03:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:03:19.000 Well, that's another thing where it's like, if you couch, you can say anything as long as you preface it with, like, I'm not a monster, just know that I'm not a monster.

02:03:28.000 Of course, yeah. 1.00

02:03:28.000 But some of these bitches are. 1.00

02:03:31.000 Or some of these whoever's are. 1.00

02:03:33.000 Like, I'm not a total piece of shit, but let's talk about that. 0.99

02:03:37.000 Yeah, that's the... 0.99

02:03:38.000 I'm thankful that I just thought of another, like, frame for a...

02:03:45.000 Like, I did the three mics thing.

02:03:46.000 No, I did it for Netflix.

02:03:48.000 So I thought of that frame as, like, three microphones on stage.

02:03:51.000 And I just thought of another...

02:03:55.000 It's not, like, a structural thing, but it's a way to do a show.

02:03:58.000 And... 0.99

02:04:00.000 My first thought was, fucking thank God. 0.98

02:04:04.000 Meaning, you don't want to be like, you don't want to do a premise-y show every time, because I did three mics, then I did a half hour on Netflix New Year's Day, the comedians of the world thing that Dele and Swartzen did too, and now I'm like, I would like to do a kind of, 0.98

02:04:20.000 not one-man show, we think, just not a maudlin version, but like, A way to do jokes that are more...

02:04:25.000 It's like jokes, but also if you can thread something else in it.

02:04:29.000 It's like, do you see that? 0.93

02:04:30.000 There was a girl on Siren Live, I think it was Halsey, who sang a song and fucking painted at the same time. 0.96

02:04:37.000 She painted a painting during the song. 0.98

02:04:42.000 And I was like, wow!

02:04:43.000 Wow.

02:04:44.000 See if you can bring it up.

02:04:46.000 What was the song?

02:04:47.000 We can't play it.

02:04:48.000 It was the second song on Siren Live.

02:04:52.000 Yeah, if we play it, we'll definitely get the boot. 0.99

02:04:54.000 YouTube is brutal with their copyright shit. 0.99

02:04:58.000 It's brutal. 1.00

02:04:59.000 I mean, good and bad.

02:05:00.000 Well, it's good and bad, yeah, but it's very easy for someone to claim copyright off of just to play a clip, and next thing you know, your video gets taken down.

02:05:08.000 You can't stream.

02:05:11.000 So a part of me is like, you know.

02:05:13.000 This is it right here?

02:05:13.000 So she's singing?

02:05:14.000 She's singing and painting.

02:05:17.000 And she's hot. 1.00

02:05:17.000 And by the way, great looking. 1.00

02:05:18.000 Yeah.

02:05:19.000 Okay, she's got a lot going on and she's barefoot. 0.99

02:05:21.000 Jesus Christ.

02:05:22.000 Yeah, she's barefoot.

02:05:23.000 I mean, is it amazing? 0.98

02:05:25.000 No, but it's fucking amazing for singing. 0.97

02:05:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:05:28.000 It's better than I can do not singing.

02:05:30.000 I bet she's quite a character.

02:05:34.000 That felt loaded.

02:05:35.000 That setup felt loaded, Joe.

02:05:36.000 That's what I do.

02:05:38.000 Yeah, so I thought of another premise, so I'm excited about that.

02:05:41.000 That's awesome.

02:05:42.000 When do you think you're going to film?

02:05:43.000 Your last one, three mics, was how long ago?

02:05:47.000 I've kind of written it out, but I'm going to probably do it in New York.

02:05:51.000 I did three mics where I did it sort of off-Broadway and Oh, okay.

02:05:54.000 So when you do something like that, will you do like a long run and then film at the end of the run?

02:05:58.000 Yeah, I basically did three mics at it for like two months, four nights a week.

02:06:02.000 Oh, wow.

02:06:04.000 And you did it all in New York?

02:06:05.000 Yeah.

02:06:06.000 Oh, cool.

02:06:07.000 Where'd you do it?

02:06:08.000 Some theater like on the lower east side where Birbigli does his and then...

02:06:13.000 And it was cool.

02:06:15.000 It's cool to just, like, have to do an hour every night.

02:06:17.000 It's a cool...

02:06:18.000 Like, oh, I'm going to do an hour, and I'm in the same town.

02:06:22.000 That is cool.

02:06:23.000 And I'm doing an hour every night.

02:06:24.000 And you're doing essentially, like, a play, almost.

02:06:27.000 Yeah!

02:06:27.000 Like, it was an emotional...

02:06:30.000 There was a, it was a, like an emotional fucking, I talk about emotional shit. 0.99

02:06:34.000 This will be less emotional, it'll be less wrenching emotionally. 0.99

02:06:39.000 If people saw three mics, like it's fucking pretty gut-wrenching, but this will be less gut-wrenching.

02:06:44.000 But you have a premise that's exciting to you. 0.98

02:06:47.000 Yeah, which is fucking, you know, that's like fucking excellent. 0.85

02:06:50.000 And it's also the only thing that like, it's like, well, are you going to make money? 0.98

02:06:55.000 I don't know.

02:06:55.000 I don't care.

02:06:57.000 It doesn't matter.

02:06:57.000 It's like not even a consideration.

02:07:00.000 Yeah, it seems like you're wasting your time thinking about that because all that really matters is do you enjoy doing it?

02:07:06.000 Does the audience enjoy it?

02:07:07.000 All that other stuff comes out of that, right?

02:07:08.000 Yes.

02:07:08.000 And if you enjoy it, they're probably going to enjoy it too.

02:07:11.000 Yeah, and even the thing where people go like, so what are you doing?

02:07:15.000 And you're like, you can say you're doing the podcast, or you have UFCs that go like...

02:07:19.000 Oh, you have to have something that you're working on, otherwise you feel like you're not doing anything.

02:07:23.000 I'm doing an hour comedy special for a huge streaming service that's going to broadcast fucking everywhere in the world.

02:07:31.000 What are you doing? 0.92

02:07:32.000 That's it?

02:07:33.000 That's how you're doing?

02:07:34.000 And you're like, this is what I'm doing.

02:07:36.000 It doesn't...

02:07:37.000 It's not time-consuming visibly day-to-day, but, like, it's consuming emotional, like, thinking about it.

02:07:45.000 What's your take on what's going on with Louis?

02:07:48.000 Like, what he's trying to do with stopping people from quoting his bits?

02:07:55.000 The quoting...

02:07:56.000 I mean, I think he's just trying to stop people from writing... 1.00

02:07:59.000 Leaking his shit. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:08:00.000 Which was his own fault, because he just didn't have the bag.

02:08:02.000 He didn't have the underbag.

02:08:03.000 Like, he could have, and was like, eh, it'll be fine.

02:08:07.000 What's the worst that can happen?

02:08:09.000 What?

02:08:10.000 Louie!

02:08:11.000 So now he's doing everything.

02:08:12.000 He's got the yonder bags, he's doing small clubs, and he also has a sign that he puts up saying that if you leak any of the material, that they have legal repercussions.

02:08:23.000 Good!

02:08:23.000 I mean, why should...

02:08:26.000 It's a spoiler. 0.99

02:08:28.000 It's like a fucking... 0.99

02:08:29.000 But it's worse than a spoiler. 0.99

02:08:30.000 Yeah, it is worse than a spoiler.

02:08:31.000 Because every joke is its own movie.

02:08:35.000 Right.

02:08:36.000 It's got its own little surprise.

02:08:37.000 Yeah, to exaggerate about it.

02:08:38.000 But it's like, yeah, it's a huge...

02:08:40.000 That's a huge problem, and it's also...

02:08:44.000 It goes to that 11-year-old girl thing, where it's like...

02:08:48.000 Yeah, when you have 11-year-old daughters, man, it's like you get a...

02:08:57.000 Oh, now I see how people are thinking.

02:09:00.000 Thinking like little kids.

02:09:02.000 And how would you describe it?

02:09:03.000 Like sort of like simplistic?

02:09:06.000 Yeah, looking for something to be naughty.

02:09:08.000 Someone to do something bad.

02:09:09.000 What did he do?

02:09:10.000 What did she do? 0.80

02:09:11.000 What are they doing?

02:09:13.000 We'll tell you right after the break.

02:09:15.000 And you're like, oh.

02:09:16.000 I can't wait.

02:09:17.000 Yeah.

02:09:18.000 But I don't, I mean, Louie's a hilarious dude.

02:09:22.000 And I hope, I'm interested to see what happens. 0.97

02:09:27.000 I think he's going to come out with a motherfucker of an hour. 0.99

02:09:30.000 That's what I think. 0.99

02:09:31.000 I think he's constantly touring.

02:09:33.000 He's on the road all the time doing this.

02:09:35.000 I know he's not doing it just for money, because he's only doing these little tiny places.

02:09:39.000 He's doing Zany's in Chicago right now, or Zany's in Nashville right now. 0.97

02:09:43.000 He's gonna come out with a motherfucker of a special and re-cement his position and I think there's gonna be people that are still mad at him no matter what. 0.97

02:09:51.000 I don't think that you can please most of the people that are mad at him. 0.98

02:09:55.000 No.

02:09:55.000 Meaning, and I don't, I just think it's like...

02:09:58.000 They're not reasonable.

02:10:00.000 It's more fun to not forgive him.

02:10:03.000 Yeah, it's ideological.

02:10:05.000 It feels better to not forgive him.

02:10:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:10:07.000 Fuck him. 1.00

02:10:08.000 Yeah, I get it. 1.00

02:10:08.000 I get their perspective. 1.00

02:10:10.000 But for everybody else, we're going to get treated to a monster hour.

02:10:13.000 That's what I think.

02:10:14.000 I hope.

02:10:15.000 When he's all done, I think it's probably going to be his best hour ever.

02:10:17.000 I listened to the leaked one.

02:10:20.000 Yeah, it was good.

02:10:21.000 Ten months out, man.

02:10:23.000 No comedy at all for ten months, and then he starts doing it again, and there's, you know, some bits in there that would have been great if they didn't get leaked.

02:10:30.000 The thing about, what are you going to do, cancel my birthday, is so fucking funny. 0.76

02:10:33.000 It's like, he's so fucking funny, it's bananas. 0.84

02:10:38.000 Yeah, because my life is over. 0.94

02:10:42.000 Cancel my birthday? 0.95

02:10:45.000 So goddamn funny. 0.98

02:10:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:10:48.000 Yeah, like, you know, he's a fucking hilarious dude. 0.95

02:10:51.000 Yeah, that's the front of the line. 0.93

02:10:52.000 I mean, when it comes to comedy and political correctness and the pushback, that's the front of the line for the pushback, is stand-up.

02:11:00.000 Nightclub stand-up.

02:11:02.000 The stuff that you and I both do. 0.96

02:11:04.000 We say a bunch of fucked up things and happen to also be funny. 0.97

02:11:08.000 And you're doing it in front of live crowds. 0.99

02:11:10.000 I said on stage the other night, they're going to a strip club and complaining about cellulite.

02:11:16.000 That's what it feels like. 1.00

02:11:17.000 We say a ton of shit. 0.99

02:11:22.000 Some of it doesn't work. 0.99

02:11:23.000 Some of it doesn't work because it doesn't cross the comedy barrier. 0.82

02:11:28.000 Some of it doesn't work because it's ideologically fucked up, but you don't know it until you say it. 0.97

02:11:32.000 Many great bits that you love are fucked up to someone. 0.98

02:11:38.000 To someone.

02:11:39.000 Or you have to figure out a way to make them work.

02:11:41.000 Like Chris Rock's bit about the difference between black people and the N-word.

02:11:45.000 That bit, he said, bombed for a long time before he figured out how to make it work.

02:11:51.000 It bombed shortly before he did it on his HBO show.

02:11:54.000 It's crazy!

02:11:55.000 It's crazy!

02:11:56.000 It's great, but he knew. 0.96

02:11:58.000 He's like, God damn it, there's something in this. 0.97

02:12:00.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:12:01.000 And also, it is... 0.98

02:12:05.000 Fucked up. 1.00

02:12:06.000 It is a fucked up, like, it's fucked up, you can weaponize that joke. 1.00

02:12:10.000 Sure. 1.00

02:12:11.000 A lot of white people did.

02:12:12.000 Right. 0.69

02:12:13.000 Like, a lot of racist white people were like, I told you, I've been saying that in my car for years. 0.59

02:12:19.000 Exactly.

02:12:20.000 But at the same time, you can't worry about that.

02:12:23.000 Like, I was talking to, I did a thing on the podcast where I was saying, like, I don't understand the problem with Jordan Peterson.

02:12:29.000 And you and I have talked about this at the club.

02:12:32.000 Like, And people email me and they said, well, people use Jordan...

02:12:38.000 Right-wing people use him as an example of...

02:12:41.000 I'm like, that's not his problem.

02:12:43.000 And he promotes...

02:12:45.000 Someone said he promotes an all-meat diet.

02:12:49.000 No, he doesn't.

02:12:50.000 He said he does it, but he didn't promote it. 1.00

02:12:53.000 He didn't make a commercial about the shit. 0.99

02:12:55.000 You can't worry about how someone... 0.99

02:12:59.000 Again, this goes to a point, how someone interprets your art.

02:13:05.000 There's too many interpretations.

02:13:07.000 Exactly.

02:13:07.000 And also, by the way, then throw away Taxi Driver and the Salinger book, Catching the Rye, because that's responsible for killing Lennon, shooting Reagan.

02:13:20.000 It's just like, okay, well, so these fucking dummies... 1.00

02:13:26.000 We're good to go. 1.00

02:13:49.000 Yeah.

02:13:49.000 Our intention is to create, right?

02:13:51.000 Our intention is to come up with funny things.

02:13:53.000 And like me, as a person who enjoys stand-up, I like sitting in the back of the OR and watching someone kill. 0.98

02:14:00.000 I fucking love it. 0.98

02:14:02.000 It's the best. 0.98

02:14:03.000 I told somebody, like, I'm a gym rat, but for comedy clubs.

02:14:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:14:06.000 I've been seeing you for 27 years.

02:14:09.000 Yeah.

02:14:10.000 Just hanging out.

02:14:11.000 Like, me and Chappelle were in Vegas, and some kid was like, what are you...

02:14:13.000 He was a chef at this place, Yellowtail, and... 0.77

02:14:18.000 And he was just saying, like, being a chef, you just fucking have to cook for 12, 10 years. 0.94

02:14:23.000 10, 12 years. 0.99

02:14:24.000 Just, like, it's hard and shitty. 0.91

02:14:26.000 I was like, I've known him for 28 years. 0.85

02:14:29.000 He's been going to clubs for 33 years.

02:14:32.000 Like, that's the only thing that...

02:14:35.000 It just makes sense.

02:14:37.000 It's fair and...

02:14:39.000 It's like, it's an economy that you understand.

02:14:42.000 If the idea is good enough, you will get this response.

02:14:45.000 And there's not really politics.

02:14:48.000 There's preferences, but there's not like, you know, like, oh, have him.

02:14:53.000 Although the fact that you got banned from the store is hilarious.

02:14:56.000 That is like from a movie.

02:14:58.000 Like, we'll ban.

02:14:59.000 We have to ban one of them.

02:15:03.000 And you won in the end, as it were.

02:15:05.000 But...

02:15:07.000 But it is a fair thing, and it is, like, the only...

02:15:10.000 People...

02:15:11.000 As Rock says, we're like X-Men, where it's like, they're always mad at the X-Men.

02:15:18.000 They're always mad at the X-Men, but, like, you still like the X-Men.

02:15:23.000 You're mad.

02:15:24.000 You're mad at Louis, but...

02:15:27.000 But if he went on stage on a Wednesday night, the place would go crazy.

02:15:30.000 Yes!

02:15:30.000 If he walked on stage, they would stand up and give him a standing ovation.

02:15:34.000 Yes!

02:15:34.000 And there's also...

02:15:35.000 It's almost that corporate thing where it's like, if Chinese slaves are making phones... 0.72

02:15:43.000 Did they make this one?

02:15:45.000 Right.

02:15:46.000 Like, this one...

02:15:48.000 Whereas with Louis, it's like, this one guy is responsible for all institutional sexism.

02:15:55.000 It's like, no, he's not. 1.00

02:15:57.000 He's a fucking... 1.00

02:15:58.000 He just was dumb, and he handled... 1.00

02:16:01.000 He was dumb from beginning to end about it. 1.00

02:16:04.000 And he'll tell you. 1.00

02:16:06.000 Yes. 1.00

02:16:06.000 He was fucked. 1.00

02:16:07.000 He just fucked up, and it was stupid. 1.00

02:16:09.000 But he doesn't have to... 1.00

02:16:20.000 I don't think of stand-up this way where it's like, you create joy for people.

02:16:24.000 I never think of it that way.

02:16:26.000 But he did create a lot of thought and joy. 0.99

02:16:30.000 He's responsible for a lot of positive shit. 0.98

02:16:34.000 I mean, that is what the art form is. 0.99

02:16:36.000 You're literally changing a person's state.

02:16:38.000 And as an audience member, I still love it.

02:16:42.000 And that was a struggle for me early on because I was jealous.

02:16:47.000 I could see people doing well and I wasn't doing well.

02:16:49.000 I was like, God, I wish I was doing that.

02:16:50.000 I wish I wrote that joke.

02:16:51.000 Yeah.

02:16:52.000 I wish I was doing that show.

02:16:53.000 I wish I was...

02:16:53.000 And then I realized, like, oh, this is, like, totally unproductive.

02:16:58.000 Like, the opposite of productive.

02:16:59.000 It's negative.

02:17:00.000 Yeah.

02:17:01.000 It can be activating in terms of, like, if you turn it into, well, then work harder.

02:17:04.000 Right.

02:17:05.000 Well, but the problem is, like, I wish I did that.

02:17:08.000 Like, that part of it is no good.

02:17:10.000 Or, God, why does he have to get this?

02:17:12.000 That part of it is no positive to that. 0.99

02:17:14.000 But what is positive, you watch someone kill go, God damn, he's funny. 0.99

02:17:17.000 I gotta go to work. 0.99

02:17:19.000 Yeah.

02:17:19.000 That's good, but the hate part...

02:17:21.000 Yeah, like, taking it out on him is like...

02:17:24.000 Bad instinct.

02:17:25.000 Yeah, it's not, it's counterproductive for sure.

02:17:27.000 But it's really common.

02:17:28.000 I think it's, then 11-year-old, it's, that's your first, that's the easy reaction.

02:17:34.000 Like, bleh! 0.94

02:17:34.000 Yes, yes, yes. 0.94

02:17:36.000 The 11-year-old reaction.

02:17:38.000 And then it's like, okay, but what am I, what's underneath it?

02:17:42.000 What's underneath it is like respect and respect.

02:17:44.000 And then there's certain people that it's like, I've never hated Brian Regan.

02:17:48.000 Do you know what I mean?

02:17:49.000 He's too nice.

02:17:50.000 Everyone loves him. 0.98

02:17:51.000 Yeah, and he's fucking hilarious in a way that's just like, I don't know, this fucking dude, this dude's funny. 0.99

02:17:59.000 He's so funny and so clean. 0.99

02:18:01.000 You could take your grandma to see him and never worry for a second.

02:18:04.000 Like, oh, where's he going with this?

02:18:07.000 Grandma gets sensitive. 1.00

02:18:08.000 Oh, fuck, I gotta get a drink. 1.00

02:18:09.000 Yeah, he's just, he's one of those rare cats like Gaffigan that figured out a way to make clean just as funny. 1.00

02:18:16.000 Sebastian, too, though.

02:18:17.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:17.000 Like, Sebastian, I always forget he's clean.

02:18:20.000 And Nate Bargazzi's now, like, getting into that area where he's, like, clean, southern accent. 0.96

02:18:26.000 Like, it's a big, it's like, it's a good place to be, but he's fucking so funny. 0.55

02:18:32.000 If you're naturally inclined to do that. 0.53

02:18:34.000 Yeah.

02:18:35.000 Like, if, yeah, if you're forcing yourself to do it.

02:18:38.000 But, uh...

02:18:39.000 Yeah, I think that there's a ton of value in stand-up.

02:18:45.000 I mean, it seems so obvious, but it's like...

02:18:48.000 And I think Netflix must...

02:18:50.000 There must be some metric at Netflix where... 0.98

02:18:55.000 At a certain point, they're losing a ton of programming, meaning all of their shit's licensed. 0.99

02:19:00.000 Disney's taking all their shit back in a year or two. 0.96

02:19:04.000 All of these places are starting their own apps. 0.98

02:19:08.000 And I think they realize a lot of Netflix is stand-up and documentaries.

02:19:13.000 And I think they can never monetize it in terms of...

02:19:18.000 The Ali Wong special begat this much money, but if it cost them $500,000 to get Ali Wong's first special, including everything, They made a lot of money.

02:19:32.000 You know what I mean?

02:19:33.000 Millions of people watched it.

02:19:35.000 And as well they should.

02:19:41.000 It's just the coolest thing I can imagine.

02:19:44.000 I agree.

02:19:45.000 Being a comedian is the coolest thing in the world.

02:19:47.000 That's why you're good at it though, man.

02:19:48.000 To have that appreciation and respect for something that you enjoy doing that is actually your It's your occupation.

02:19:56.000 I mean, it's a beautiful thing.

02:19:57.000 We're really, really fortunate.

02:19:58.000 Yeah, and the gifts that we get, you know what I mean?

02:20:03.000 And it's all from comedy.

02:20:06.000 Glasses, shoes, car.

02:20:08.000 Everything you're doing.

02:20:09.000 Yeah, basically.

02:20:10.000 Like, every single thing is from just a personality part.

02:20:14.000 Imagination.

02:20:14.000 Yeah.

02:20:15.000 Creativity.

02:20:16.000 Work.

02:20:17.000 Grinding, too.

02:20:18.000 I like grinding.

02:20:19.000 I really do it.

02:20:20.000 When I'm doing three, four shows a night, I get a kick out of it.

02:20:22.000 I'm like, here we go.

02:20:23.000 This is how things get good.

02:20:24.000 Work a joke out.

02:20:26.000 The best.

02:20:27.000 That's how they come alive.

02:20:29.000 I've got to wrap this up, man, Brendan.

02:20:30.000 Tell people your podcast, How Neil Feel.

02:20:33.000 Go find it.

02:20:34.000 It's on good. 0.99

02:20:35.000 It's on fucking all the tunes. 0.99

02:20:37.000 I am excited that you're doing it with her. 0.99

02:20:39.000 She's very cool.

02:20:39.000 Yeah, it's great.

02:20:40.000 We've got good chemistry.

02:20:42.000 And it's iTunes everywhere.

02:20:44.000 So go check it out.

02:20:44.000 It's just me.

02:20:45.000 It's like this, except...

02:20:46.000 It's like this.

02:20:47.000 Yeah, it's like this.

02:20:48.000 Except there's a higher pitched voice disagreeing with you.

02:20:51.000 Not much higher, Joe.

02:20:54.000 Yeah, it's kind of high, right?

02:20:55.000 Alright, bye everybody!

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 15, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1298 - Neal Brennan

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