The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1307 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:00.000 Yeah.

00:00:02.000 Boom, and we're live.

00:00:03.000 What are you doing, Greg?

00:00:04.000 I'm looking up the title of a book I want to talk about.

00:00:07.000 Which book?

00:00:08.000 It's an audiobook, and it was about Reconstruction.

00:00:11.000 Oh, what we were just talking about with slaves.

00:00:13.000 Yeah.

00:00:14.000 And it was about how, you know, once the slaves were freed, they still perpetuated slavery by – it's called – I've got to find it.

00:00:27.000 By – Slavery by Another Name by Douglas Blackman, and it's about how they put loitering laws in all around the country, and they would fine black people, and if they were standing around, they would arrest them.

00:00:43.000 Or if there was like a petty larceny or a domestic violence thing, they'd arrest them for fucking two years with a trial with one judge and no jury, and the judge was very often a magistrate of...

00:00:58.000 The coal mining company. 0.99

00:01:00.000 They'd send the prisoner to a coal mine for two years where he'd work seven days a week with shackles on and they would fucking whip them. 0.99

00:01:11.000 And if they tried to escape, they tracked them down with dogs and they beat them sometimes to death. 0.99

00:01:16.000 And this went on for fucking decades. 0.99

00:01:21.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:01:23.000 So people talk about, well, slavery ended back...

00:01:25.000 No, forms of slavery went on for a long time.

00:01:28.000 Not only that, slavery ended, and what effort was done to sort of rectify the situation?

00:01:37.000 What effort was done to try to give even opportunities...

00:01:43.000 For people who grew up in African-American cities that were predominantly slaves before 1865. What's ever been done?

00:01:52.000 40 acres and a mule?

00:01:53.000 Do they ever get that?

00:01:54.000 Is that real?

00:01:55.000 I don't know.

00:01:56.000 But even if you're dealing with that, even if some people got 40 acres and a mule, is that enough?

00:02:03.000 No.

00:02:03.000 The whole thing is crazy.

00:02:05.000 If you have an entire country that the ancestors that did most of the work did it against their will, and then you're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, you don't have to do that anymore.

00:02:20.000 And then people are like, we want reparations.

00:02:23.000 And white people are like, pfft, that was a hundred years ago. 0.81

00:02:27.000 Do you know, at Georgetown, do you read about this Georgetown University as giving reparations to the slaves that built the university?

00:02:35.000 So the families of the slaves, the ancestors, the families?

00:02:38.000 They tracked them down with like 23andMe or one of those companies. 0.97

00:02:41.000 And they're fucking knocking on doors and they're like, hey, are you blah, blah, blah? 0.98

00:02:47.000 Well, your great-great-grandfather... 0.99

00:02:50.000 Built Georgetown University and they're assessing the students.

00:02:52.000 I don't think it's official yet, but it looks like it's happening.

00:02:55.000 My concern.

00:02:56.000 They're assessing the students like 50 bucks each or something.

00:02:59.000 My big concern is that it's going to go the other way.

00:03:03.000 They're going to track down people's DNA and going to go, we found out that your family profited from slavery.

00:03:09.000 I'm 22! 0.99

00:03:10.000 What the fuck did I do? 0.99

00:03:13.000 Give me all your money. 1.00

00:03:14.000 All of your money.

00:03:16.000 All your ill-gotten gains.

00:03:17.000 Yeah.

00:03:17.000 And you'd be like, but no, no, no, no.

00:03:19.000 My dad had a legitimate job.

00:03:20.000 He worked for H&R Block and this and that.

00:03:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:24.000 But his grandfather got his money to raise his dad because he had slaves.

00:03:32.000 Yeah.

00:03:33.000 Well, wasn't Schwarzenegger's grandfather an SS soldier?

00:03:38.000 We're going to talk about that.

00:03:39.000 Was he?

00:03:41.000 His grandfather was?

00:03:42.000 I think he was a green shirt.

00:03:44.000 Whoa.

00:03:45.000 You know, there's a kid named John Gotti III. It's John Gotti, the gangster's grandson.

00:03:52.000 Yeah.

00:03:53.000 He's an MMA fighter. 1.00

00:03:54.000 Oh, no shit! 1.00

00:03:55.000 And he's good. 1.00

00:03:56.000 No shit! 0.99

00:03:57.000 He's good, yeah. 1.00

00:03:58.000 Wow! 0.98

00:03:59.000 So far, he's fighting on these small promotions, but he's fucking people up. 0.99

00:04:04.000 Wow. 0.99

00:04:04.000 And he's jacked. 0.99

00:04:05.000 Wow.

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:07.000 Yeah, I remember John, because I lived on Mulberry Street in Little Italy.

00:04:11.000 Yeah, I remember that place. 0.94

00:04:13.000 And it was a fucking tenement apartment, and downstairs, literally downstairs and one door over was the Ravenite Social Club, which was where Gotti met on Wednesday nights. 0.98

00:04:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:23.000 All the bosses would pull up, and the capos, and I don't know the terms, but they lined up fucking limos right up Mulberry Street. 0.99

00:04:31.000 You saw them all? 0.97

00:04:31.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97

00:04:32.000 They'd walk up and down the street smoking cigars, and John Gotti Jr. was kind of in charge at that time, which I guess would be this guy's father.

00:04:40.000 And he apparently wasn't known as being that sharp.

00:04:44.000 How dare you?

00:04:45.000 Well, the family kind of fell apart since then.

00:04:49.000 I don't think there's a... 0.96

00:04:50.000 I think the FBI just had unlimited resources, government backing, and they slowly picked the fucking organization apart and then got people to rat on each other. 0.93

00:04:58.000 They bugged the Ravenite Social Club. 0.92

00:05:00.000 They got inside and they bugged it and then when they found out it was bugged, Yeah.

00:05:11.000 Yeah.

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:24.000 But he wasn't crazy.

00:05:25.000 But he would act crazy.

00:05:26.000 So he'd walk around in a bathrobe.

00:05:27.000 Oh, in a bathrobe.

00:05:27.000 Right.

00:05:28.000 Because he was up on trial.

00:05:29.000 He was out on bail. 1.00

00:05:30.000 He was out of his fucking mind. 1.00

00:05:32.000 Yeah, that's right. 1.00

00:05:32.000 Wandered through the streets with a bathrobe on, playing crazy. 1.00

00:05:35.000 That's him. 0.91

00:05:36.000 I'm crazy.

00:05:37.000 I'm just walking around.

00:05:38.000 I'm crazy.

00:05:38.000 Dude.

00:05:40.000 That would be fun.

00:05:41.000 So they bugged him, too. 0.99

00:05:42.000 That'd be fun to pretend you're crazy.

00:05:44.000 I think he was actually the guy that they got with the hubcaps.

00:05:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:47.000 Or maybe they used that tactic more than once.

00:05:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:50.000 Because these guys, you know, they had a fucking neighborhood where they would go to, and when they were in that neighborhood, that was their territory. 0.99

00:05:56.000 Right. 0.99

00:05:57.000 Like, when you were living there, was that going on?

00:06:00.000 Like, Gotti was out of jail?

00:06:01.000 No, Gotti was in jail.

00:06:02.000 He was in jail.

00:06:03.000 Yeah.

00:06:04.000 But they still showed up.

00:06:06.000 Most of the guys, I think their real headquarters is more in Brooklyn, but they still came back to Mulberry Street.

00:06:11.000 And it is literally, across the street, was St. Patrick's School, which is where...

00:06:17.000 Robert De Niro and Scorsese went to school as kids.

00:06:21.000 And where, remember the film Mean Streets?

00:06:23.000 Yeah.

00:06:24.000 That was shot.

00:06:25.000 Remember they jump over the wall into the cemetery?

00:06:28.000 That's St. Patrick's School.

00:06:29.000 And it's across from the Ravenite Social Club. 0.99

00:06:31.000 Fuck, I don't remember anything about that movie. 0.98

00:06:33.000 I remember the movie, but I don't remember anything about what happened in it. 0.99

00:06:37.000 I need to see that one again.

00:06:38.000 Yeah, I need to see that one again.

00:06:39.000 You know what I saw again recently?

00:06:41.000 Bullet.

00:06:42.000 Oh, so did I! Did you see it on a plane?

00:06:44.000 I think I did see it on a plane.

00:06:45.000 Yeah, they show it on a plane now.

00:06:46.000 Yeah.

00:06:47.000 On United or something.

00:06:49.000 That's my car. 0.98

00:06:50.000 I saw that movie when I was young and I said, I want that fucking 69 Fastback Mustang. 0.98

00:06:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:06:56.000 That's a badass car.

00:06:57.000 It's a beautiful car.

00:06:58.000 Yeah.

00:06:58.000 I think it's a 68. Is it 68?

00:07:01.000 67 or 68. Yeah.

00:07:02.000 I think it's a 68. This is a very specific shape that the 68 had.

00:07:06.000 They had like the best rear end.

00:07:08.000 It's beautiful.

00:07:09.000 They had really a cool setup with the rear taillights at 68. It was a little broader.

00:07:15.000 It's just, it was weird looking.

00:07:17.000 Yeah.

00:07:17.000 Just real unusual compared to some of the other Mustangs, but I love it.

00:07:21.000 Yeah.

00:07:21.000 It's my favorite, I think.

00:07:22.000 And you watch those movies like that and you realize, you think it's going to be, there's one big car chase, that's it. 0.99

00:07:28.000 Yeah, and it's long as fuck. 0.99

00:07:30.000 It's long and it's slow. 0.99

00:07:31.000 Yeah.

00:07:32.000 But, you know.

00:07:32.000 Movies were different.

00:07:33.000 They were different.

00:07:34.000 They weren't afraid to do a tracking shot for two minutes with no dialogue.

00:07:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:07:40.000 Just fucking follow a guy walking down the street. 1.00

00:07:43.000 Yeah, we just assume people are stupid as fuck. 1.00

00:07:46.000 And because of comments, and because stupid people want to comment so often, the signals all skewed towards stupid. 1.00

00:07:52.000 You know, like a movie like, did you ever see Le Mans with Steve McQueen? 1.00

00:07:55.000 Yeah.

00:07:55.000 Another great Steve McQueen movie?

00:07:56.000 There's no talking at all for like the first...

00:07:58.000 X amount of minutes of the movie.

00:08:00.000 There's no talking.

00:08:01.000 It's just cars racing.

00:08:02.000 Right. 1.00

00:08:02.000 And him driving around and shit. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Yep. 0.99

00:08:04.000 There's no talking. 0.99

00:08:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:08:05.000 And if you were at a movie theater today and there was no talking, people are like, is this broken?

00:08:08.000 I know. 0.99

00:08:08.000 Did you forget the fucking part where the guy talks? 0.99

00:08:11.000 Dude! 1.00

00:08:12.000 Fucking talk! 1.00

00:08:13.000 There it is. 1.00

00:08:13.000 There he is. 1.00

00:08:14.000 Say something!

00:08:15.000 The original 68 Mustang, and that's also a 68 Charger that he's in a race with.

00:08:20.000 The original 68 Mustang, I think, just went for sale.

00:08:24.000 I think somebody just bought it. 1.00

00:08:26.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

00:08:26.000 You mean the one from this movie? 1.00

00:08:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:08:28.000 They had hero cars, you know, because they wrecked a few of these fuckers. 1.00

00:08:31.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:08:32.000 If they're doing, like, how many cars did they wreck and gone in 60 seconds? 1.00

00:08:37.000 That Nicolas Cage movie where he drove that Eleanor Mustang?

00:08:39.000 Yeah.

00:08:40.000 We must have wrecked a bunch of those. 0.97

00:08:42.000 How many fucking orange challenges do you think they needed to get for Dukes of Hazzard? 0.98

00:08:47.000 Oh my god. 0.98

00:08:48.000 I mean, they wrecked one in every episode.

00:08:49.000 That, to me, is one of the more interesting episodes in our culture.

00:08:53.000 That show, which was a beloved part of our past, is now taboo.

00:08:57.000 You'll never find it anywhere because of the Confederate flag on the roof.

00:09:01.000 And when we were kids...

00:09:02.000 Oh yeah, that's a deal breaker. 1.00

00:09:04.000 It's fucking KKK. It's racism. 1.00

00:09:06.000 It's white sheets.

00:09:07.000 It's...

00:09:08.000 When we were kids, it meant the South.

00:09:10.000 It didn't mean the same thing. 0.98

00:09:12.000 There's a fucking poster that I have over the pisser from a Leonard Skinner concert sometime during the 70s. 0.97

00:09:19.000 They have a giant Confederate flag behind them on stage. 0.99

00:09:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:09:23.000 It didn't mean they were racist.

00:09:25.000 It meant they were from the South. 0.94

00:09:27.000 But somewhere along the line, it shifted.

00:09:29.000 This is where the argument gets weird, right?

00:09:30.000 Because people will say, hey, it's not about that.

00:09:34.000 It's about Southern pride.

00:09:35.000 I understand it used to be about Southern pride.

00:09:38.000 But now, unfortunately, that flag is now connected to racism.

00:09:43.000 So you're sending out a bad signal.

00:09:45.000 So what you want that flag to mean for you, that's great.

00:09:49.000 But what that flag means for other people is now changed.

00:09:52.000 And you either accept that...

00:09:54.000 Or, you know, you're fighting against it. 1.00

00:09:56.000 Oh, you can't get me to fucking shit. 1.00

00:09:58.000 This means this to this. 1.00

00:09:59.000 People don't have time to rationally consider whether or not you're racist or whether or not you're from the South.

00:10:07.000 What are you?

00:10:08.000 Why do you have that flag?

00:10:09.000 They don't have time to consider that.

00:10:10.000 They just go, oh, you must be in the KKK. Oh, you must hate black people. 1.00

00:10:14.000 Oh, bang. 1.00

00:10:15.000 There it is. 0.99

00:10:15.000 Racist. 0.99

00:10:16.000 You got that flag. 0.86

00:10:17.000 So, something shifted, like, really radically.

00:10:22.000 And deduce a hazard is like a great metric of it.

00:10:24.000 It's one of the great things in our culture we could use to measure.

00:10:27.000 You go, look what happened.

00:10:28.000 You had a hit show that literally sparked a type of clothing, the Daisy Dukes, for gay men and for girls that are really sad.

00:10:39.000 Like, we see a girl with Daisy Dukes, like, sweetie, you don't need that.

00:10:42.000 You're hot without it.

00:10:44.000 Oh, are you kidding me?

00:10:45.000 She's trying so hard with those Daisy Dukes. 1.00

00:10:46.000 I just went to a food truck before I got here, and there was an Asian girl, and my favorite kind of Asian girl, she was, I believe, Filipino. 0.99

00:10:55.000 Big lips, tan, dark tan with Daisy Dukes, open-toed sandals, beautiful feet, nice pedicure.

00:11:02.000 Are you freaking out?

00:11:04.000 It was just me and her, so I couldn't stare.

00:11:07.000 And it was so painful.

00:11:08.000 You ever, like, you're fighting your neck? 0.99

00:11:11.000 Like, don't fucking turn. 0.99

00:11:13.000 Keep your head straight. 0.99

00:11:14.000 Here's what's interesting, and this is the dynamic that's the difference between men and women.

00:11:18.000 If we were describing this exact same thing, but you were a girl, and you were describing a guy, It would be innocent. 0.95

00:11:27.000 Yeah.

00:11:27.000 It would be nothing.

00:11:28.000 It wouldn't be creepy. 0.84

00:11:30.000 It'd be like, that girl's so horny. 1.00

00:11:31.000 Oh my God.

00:11:32.000 Like if she was like, I was in line and behind me was Jason Momoa.

00:11:36.000 You know, Aquaman.

00:11:37.000 Oh my God.

00:11:38.000 And if you think he looks good in movies, he looks so good in real life, sweetie.

00:11:42.000 I couldn't stop. 1.00

00:11:43.000 I was looking right at his dick. 1.00

00:11:45.000 I looked at his dick and I looked at his face and I looked at his dick and he started smiling and I started nodding. 1.00

00:11:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:51.000 And no one would care. 1.00

00:11:52.000 No, and you say, that girl's liberated. 1.00

00:11:54.000 She's free. 0.99

00:11:55.000 She's crazy. 0.99

00:11:56.000 That girl's wild. 1.00

00:11:57.000 She could maybe grab it on the way out.

00:11:58.000 Tap, tap.

00:11:59.000 Give a little tap. 0.67

00:12:00.000 Tap, tap.

00:12:01.000 No one's going to call the cops, right?

00:12:04.000 But if...

00:12:05.000 That's the difference.

00:12:06.000 I think this is something that...

00:12:09.000 As men, this is a shaky one.

00:12:12.000 Because there are definitely some fake male feminists out there that are just doing it because they want women to love them. 1.00

00:12:18.000 And they say a bunch of shit that really screws the curve up. 0.99

00:12:21.000 But if you're being honest and you're being rational, you have to realize that the way a woman perceives being hit on is going to be way different than the way a guy does. 0.99

00:12:30.000 Because the girl's in danger.

00:12:32.000 She's in potential danger.

00:12:34.000 Like, legitimately.

00:12:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:12:36.000 Like, if you were some fucking serial killer psychopath and you decided to follow her back to her house, that's on the menu. 1.00

00:12:42.000 That's on the menu. 1.00

00:12:43.000 How rare is it that you meet a girl somewhere and she wants to come back to your house and kill you? 0.99

00:12:47.000 It's pretty fucking rare. 0.99

00:12:48.000 You got Eileen Wuornos, that monster for the Charlize Theron movie. 0.99

00:12:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:53.000 That girl did that. 1.00

00:12:53.000 The prostitute. 1.00

00:12:54.000 Yeah, she would pick guys up and they would think they were going to go get laid and she'd kill them. 1.00

00:12:58.000 Right, and they were also, it wasn't, you know, people can demonize the John because he's picking up a hardcore hooker. 0.99

00:13:05.000 Because he wants some sex. 0.93

00:13:06.000 They see it's not victimless. 0.99

00:13:08.000 Yeah, but, you know, he just wants sex. 0.77

00:13:09.000 He doesn't want to get murdered. 0.97

00:13:10.000 You know, but she was tortured and, you know, abused so horribly in her life that men became the enemy.

00:13:18.000 Yeah.

00:13:18.000 There's a big lesson in that, man.

00:13:20.000 I've known guys and watched them as they got older and, like, failed relationship after failed relationship where they started developing this, like, resentment towards women. 1.00

00:13:28.000 You know, this is like a deep-seated, like, fuck them. 1.00

00:13:31.000 All they want is this and all they want... 1.00

00:13:33.000 Because what they're getting from the women all the time is negative. 1.00

00:13:36.000 They're getting a rejection.

00:13:37.000 Because they're trying to get laid. 1.00

00:13:38.000 They want the women to touch them. 1.00

00:13:40.000 And the women are like, nah, I'm not really into touching you. 1.00

00:13:42.000 And you're like, fuck these whores. 1.00

00:13:43.000 And they eventually develop this thing where they just hate... 1.00

00:13:46.000 Isn't there a name for those guys?

00:13:49.000 Misogynists?

00:13:50.000 No, there's like an online name.

00:13:52.000 Oh, incel.

00:13:52.000 Yeah, yeah, right.

00:13:53.000 Incels are guys who...

00:13:55.000 I think mostly they're talking about like...

00:13:58.000 A lot of those guys are genetically unfortunate. 0.95

00:14:01.000 Fucked up bone structure. 0.99

00:14:03.000 And that's why there's an argument for legalized prostitution. 1.00

00:14:07.000 Because there are men that just because of deformities or whatever reason, or maybe they're even neurotic where they can't hit on a woman. 0.85

00:14:16.000 And so there should be a place where a woman can knowingly and confidently and safely be a prostitute. 1.00

00:14:25.000 Yes. 0.71

00:14:26.000 Yes, it should be your option. 0.94

00:14:28.000 The problem is we equate prostitution with two things that are horrible, sexual abuse and sex slavery, sex trafficking. 0.80

00:14:36.000 We equate prostitution with those things. 1.00

00:14:38.000 That's why, like, when Robert Kraft got busted, one of the first things they said is, this guy's a billionaire and he was participating in sex trafficking.

00:14:45.000 That's what they accused him of.

00:14:47.000 But then they had to drop that.

00:14:48.000 I don't know if you know that.

00:14:49.000 So there was no sex trafficking there.

00:14:51.000 There was prostitutes. 1.00

00:14:52.000 There was women who wanted to have sex for money. 1.00

00:14:56.000 So they didn't come over in a sealed tanker and slept in the... 1.00

00:15:00.000 No, they were prostitutes. 1.00

00:15:02.000 And it's their choice. 0.98

00:15:05.000 And you don't hear much about that.

00:15:08.000 The sex trafficking was like a big thing, I think, to get him to plead guilty.

00:15:12.000 And they put it out there and they said they were shaming him and making it this big deal. 1.00

00:15:17.000 This guy had paid to get his dick touched. 1.00

00:15:20.000 And here he is. 1.00

00:15:21.000 What is he, like 78 years old, 80 years old or something like that? 1.00

00:15:24.000 This old guy just wanted to get his dick touched. 1.00

00:15:27.000 He paid. 1.00

00:15:28.000 It was a deal's a deal.

00:15:29.000 She probably did it 13 times that day before him.

00:15:33.000 That's what they were doing in that place. 0.98

00:15:34.000 They were jerking guys off. 0.98

00:15:35.000 But people kept coming back. 0.98

00:15:37.000 Why'd they keep coming back?

00:15:38.000 Because they hated it?

00:15:39.000 Why'd they keep coming back?

00:15:40.000 Because it was a rip-off?

00:15:41.000 Why'd they keep coming back? 1.00

00:15:42.000 No, because as adults, they wanted to get their dick touched. 1.00

00:15:45.000 And this woman was willing to do that. 1.00

00:15:48.000 And she, yeah.

00:15:49.000 Isn't that a bad job? 1.00

00:15:50.000 It's a fucking terrible job. 1.00

00:15:51.000 So is Wendy's. 1.00

00:15:53.000 So is being a dishwasher.

00:15:54.000 Those are terrible jobs too. 0.99

00:15:56.000 Do you want to be the guy who puts the coal, the fucking tar on the streets in the hot day? 0.99

00:16:00.000 Do you want to be that guy? 1.00

00:16:01.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:16:02.000 That job sucks. 1.00

00:16:03.000 Do you want to be a guy who works in a gas station where you're constantly sniffing fumes? 1.00

00:16:08.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:16:08.000 That job sucks. 1.00

00:16:10.000 A lot of jobs suck. 1.00

00:16:11.000 But it's your choice. 0.97

00:16:12.000 It's your choice as a human being to take that job or not take that job.

00:16:16.000 I feel the same way about prostitution.

00:16:18.000 I feel about massage.

00:16:20.000 It's like, if you can pay someone to touch your feet and rub your feet, you can pay a dude to just be rubbing your feet.

00:16:27.000 Why can't you pay someone to touch you? 0.99

00:16:29.000 Why can't you pay someone to touch your genitals? 1.00

00:16:31.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99

00:16:31.000 And like you said, get rid of the stigma by legalizing it. 0.99

00:16:34.000 And protect those girls.

00:16:36.000 Right.

00:16:36.000 I've been to the Bunny Ranch.

00:16:37.000 I got a tour.

00:16:38.000 I went, you know, my wife gave me permission.

00:16:39.000 Is that what you're calling it a tour?

00:16:41.000 I took a tour.

00:16:43.000 I had a map. 0.99

00:16:44.000 I had a fucking Hawaiian shirt on. 0.98

00:16:46.000 No, I had the t-shirt with the tour dates on it. 0.99

00:16:48.000 He died recently.

00:16:49.000 Dennis Hoff.

00:16:50.000 Dennis Hoff died.

00:16:51.000 Yeah, so he invited me.

00:16:52.000 He came to a show I was doing in Lake Tahoe.

00:16:55.000 No, Reno.

00:16:56.000 And he goes, hey, do you want to come take a tour?

00:16:59.000 And because of the Stern connection, I kind of knew him.

00:17:01.000 He said, do you want to come take a tour of the ranch?

00:17:03.000 And I go, let me call my wife.

00:17:05.000 And I called her and I go, I just want to see it.

00:17:09.000 I'm just gonna smell it.

00:17:10.000 And she goes, well, if you bring Kathleen Roll, who is the feature act, with you, then you can go.

00:17:15.000 So they send a limo.

00:17:17.000 And we go off. 0.99

00:17:18.000 And we walk in and there was like, one room had like a fucking trapeze in it and the other one had a hot tub. 0.98

00:17:24.000 They all had different like themes to them. 0.98

00:17:27.000 And it was like, it wasn't as skanky as I thought, but it was pretty down and dirty.

00:17:30.000 It was like trailers, but they were clean. 0.98

00:17:33.000 And while I was there, a doctor showed up and they gave them all, fucking, they checked their snatches for whatever. 0.99

00:17:38.000 What? 0.99

00:17:38.000 They had a little kitchenette. 0.99

00:17:40.000 They had somebody cooking little snacks for them.

00:17:41.000 They offered me some.

00:17:42.000 I said, I'm going to pass.

00:17:44.000 And then at the end, he pulls me aside and he goes, by the way, Greg, take any of the girls.

00:17:50.000 It's on the house.

00:17:52.000 And I go, well, Dennis, I've never been with a prostitute before, and it wasn't because of the hundred bucks.

00:18:03.000 I wasn't waiting for a freebie.

00:18:05.000 But the girls were happy.

00:18:07.000 They keep 50% of the money.

00:18:09.000 They can't use drugs on the premises.

00:18:11.000 They can refuse a customer.

00:18:15.000 And they come and go when they want.

00:18:16.000 I think people should be able to do whatever they want that doesn't hurt people.

00:18:19.000 And I think that falls into that category.

00:18:22.000 And I think it does provide a service for really frustrated men that can't get sex any other way.

00:18:27.000 And I think it's stigmatized.

00:18:29.000 I think it's stigmatized in a very weird way.

00:18:31.000 It's not a good job.

00:18:32.000 I don't want to do it.

00:18:34.000 I don't want my children to do it.

00:18:35.000 I don't want your children to do it.

00:18:37.000 I don't want my kids to work as a dishwasher either.

00:18:40.000 I don't want my kids to be a coal miner. 1.00

00:18:42.000 Those things are real jobs, you know?

00:18:44.000 I just don't...

00:18:45.000 I think that if we had different attitudes about sex, we wouldn't look at it as harshly.

00:18:50.000 We would look at it as horribly as we look at it.

00:18:53.000 We look at it different because we think that intimacy is connected to romance and romance is connected to this emotional connection you have with this person that you're sharing pleasure with.

00:19:02.000 That is wonderful.

00:19:05.000 But, physical release is also very important for men.

00:19:08.000 It's very important, and it's very important for everyone to be touched.

00:19:11.000 And some people, people don't want to touch them.

00:19:13.000 They're just not doing so good.

00:19:15.000 It's just they're not in a good spot, they're not physically attractive, whatever it is. 0.65

00:19:19.000 For some people, when they have a desire and a need to be touched, and it fucking wrecks them to the soul when they're not touched all the time.

00:19:27.000 They constantly walk around filled with resentment, filled with bitterness, We're just quietly enraged inside at the hand that life has given them. 0.96

00:19:37.000 And for those people, if you had legalized prostitution, if it was like someone who, like, you could conceivably have friendships with these people that you're having sex with, if you wanted to do that.

00:19:50.000 Like, I knew a girl who, when she was younger, she was a sex worker, and she's a... 0.99

00:19:55.000 I don't want to even reveal her.

00:19:56.000 It would be too obvious if I would reveal what she does, but...

00:19:59.000 She did it for a while when she was, like, young. 0.99

00:20:01.000 And she fucked some older guys that were, like, you know, in their 60s and shit. 0.99

00:20:06.000 And they didn't have, you know, they had money, but they didn't have the time to date. 1.00

00:20:09.000 And, you know, maybe they had a wife and they wanted to have sex with somebody on the side. 0.59

00:20:13.000 And she would take money from them. 0.93

00:20:14.000 And she liked it.

00:20:15.000 She's like, it's a great way to make money. 1.00

00:20:16.000 It's a lot more money.

00:20:17.000 It's not that big a deal.

00:20:18.000 She goes, I knew who I was doing it with.

00:20:19.000 And I was like, wow, she's smart.

00:20:22.000 You know, I mean, I don't think everybody has that attitude.

00:20:24.000 And I would never want anybody to do that that doesn't have that attitude.

00:20:27.000 But if you're one of those girls, it's like hustling. 1.00

00:20:29.000 Maybe you don't have a family that backs you up.

00:20:31.000 No, there's girls that like, you know, there is legitimately, like, I got a friend who's really wealthy, and his friends have, some of them, have like a girl in New York, and they pay for her apartment, and she's going to college, and he goes to New York seven,

00:20:47.000 eight times a year, and when he does, she frees her calendar and goes out to dinner with him, goes to wherever, he sleeps there, they have sex, and it's a comfortable working relationship.

00:20:57.000 Yeah.

00:20:58.000 So, I don't know.

00:21:00.000 Where's the problem with that?

00:21:01.000 Who's the victim?

00:21:02.000 Right.

00:21:03.000 Yeah.

00:21:03.000 He's a sugar daddy.

00:21:04.000 Yeah.

00:21:05.000 Yeah.

00:21:06.000 I don't...

00:21:07.000 I think we have crazy attitudes for finite beings.

00:21:11.000 We have this crazy attitude like we're leaving this permanent...

00:21:15.000 Like, ledger of all the moral and immoral things we've done, especially when it comes to sex. 1.00

00:21:21.000 It's like, it's just sex, you fucks. 1.00

00:21:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:23.000 It's great. 1.00

00:21:24.000 Everybody wants it.

00:21:25.000 But everybody doesn't get it.

00:21:26.000 And sometimes people get rejected, and so it carries all this weight.

00:21:29.000 And so it's just like, and then you're not supposed to do it, because God doesn't want you to.

00:21:33.000 Or you could get pregnant. 0.98

00:21:34.000 Jesus Christ, are you pro-life or are you pro-abortion?

00:21:36.000 Are you pro-women's life to choose? 0.69

00:21:38.000 You should even have a say! 1.00

00:21:40.000 You have a fucking penis! 1.00

00:21:41.000 And like... 1.00

00:21:42.000 Whoa, this is so charged!

00:21:44.000 It's so charged. 1.00

00:21:45.000 And meanwhile, biologically, your brain is going, no, no, no, we gotta fuck, okay? 1.00

00:21:50.000 I got loads building up, and I gotta get rid of these things. 1.00

00:21:53.000 I used to have a bit called jerk off first, then think about it.

00:21:56.000 It was my advice for everything. 0.99

00:21:58.000 Because there's so many moments in life where you jerk off first and then you go, what?

00:22:02.000 What was I going to do? 0.93

00:22:03.000 I am not calling her. 0.99

00:22:05.000 I'm definitely not responding to that crazy fucking letter she sent me in the mail. 1.00

00:22:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:09.000 You know, when you get a letter from somebody like, oh no. 0.99

00:22:12.000 It's like sobering up.

00:22:13.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:22:14.000 Jerk off first. 0.96

00:22:15.000 Jerk off first and know your real intentions. 1.00

00:22:17.000 If you jerk off first and you still want to call someone, you really care about them. 0.99

00:22:20.000 You love them. 0.94

00:22:21.000 That's right.

00:22:21.000 It's not just lust.

00:22:22.000 Yeah.

00:22:23.000 That's empty bag thinking.

00:22:24.000 Yeah.

00:22:25.000 Yeah.

00:22:26.000 I was never good at that.

00:22:28.000 I reset the clock.

00:22:31.000 Nowadays, I pop.

00:22:34.000 Give me 24 hours.

00:22:35.000 Leave me alone.

00:22:36.000 A whole 24. I need 24 hours.

00:22:38.000 Yeah, well, that's what happens.

00:22:39.000 I think I need some of those pills you sell.

00:22:41.000 You need testosterone.

00:22:42.000 Yeah.

00:22:42.000 You need some TRT. Is that legal?

00:22:45.000 Oh, 100%.

00:22:46.000 Yeah.

00:22:48.000 I think I need some of that.

00:22:49.000 I need some energy, too.

00:22:50.000 You definitely need some of that.

00:22:51.000 Yeah.

00:22:51.000 Dude, I've been on that show for 10 years.

00:22:53.000 No shit. 1.00

00:22:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:55.000 They make it a bunch of different ways now, too.

00:22:57.000 They were making a spray for a while.

00:22:59.000 It was like under the tongue.

00:23:01.000 You could put drops in.

00:23:03.000 And then, I don't know if they're doing that anymore, but they have a cream.

00:23:06.000 The cream is good, but if you hug people, it gets on them.

00:23:11.000 It's weird.

00:23:12.000 Wait, where do you rub it on you? 0.99

00:23:13.000 You rub it on your chest or your arms, so if you have sex with your wife, your wife might grow a mustache. 0.99

00:23:19.000 Very strange. 0.99

00:23:20.000 That would be a really creepy way, if you were really into dudes, but you were married to a woman. 0.99

00:23:25.000 You're like, hmm, how do I bridge this gap? 0.99

00:23:30.000 Like I'm on TRT and you would rub it all over your chest and immediately get on her and she'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:23:36.000 Give her protein shakes, make her go to the gym a lot. 0.99

00:23:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:40.000 Hey honey, you look good with short hair.

00:23:42.000 Put her under stress too, make her work more.

00:23:44.000 There's something that happens with women apparently. 1.00

00:23:46.000 There was a study on career women and they don't know if it's a correlation or causation thing.

00:23:52.000 Because maybe the reason why they were career women in the first place is because they had a lot of testosterone. 1.00

00:23:57.000 But they would notice that women have to fend for themselves. 1.00

00:24:00.000 Women have to take care of themselves. 1.00

00:24:01.000 They generally have more testosterone.

00:24:04.000 Interesting.

00:24:04.000 Which makes sense.

00:24:05.000 But you never know what came first, the chicken and the egg.

00:24:08.000 Is that who they are or are they developing more testosterone because they have to be out there competing?

00:24:14.000 Yeah.

00:24:16.000 Yeah.

00:24:17.000 I remember I was...

00:24:18.000 I used Rogaine for a while.

00:24:20.000 I was actually...

00:24:21.000 I got approached by my agent and he goes, you got an offer to do a commercial, a series of commercials.

00:24:28.000 I said, for what?

00:24:29.000 And he goes, Rogaine.

00:24:30.000 I go...

00:24:31.000 But my hair's not thinning, and he's like, yeah.

00:24:35.000 So it's five commercials.

00:24:37.000 I was in denial about it.

00:24:38.000 I was like 29, and I guess I was starting to crown a little bit, but I didn't notice.

00:24:43.000 And so he goes, do you want to do it?

00:24:44.000 And I was like, ah, I don't know.

00:24:46.000 Um...

00:24:47.000 I'm about to move out to LA. I want to maybe do some acting.

00:24:50.000 I don't want to be seen maybe on TV as the Rogaine guy.

00:24:53.000 And he's like, I talked to them and they said, it's going to be on ESPN4 at 2 in the morning.

00:24:59.000 Don't worry about it. 1.00

00:25:00.000 And I go, all right, fuck it. 1.00

00:25:02.000 I'm moving to LA. I got no money. 1.00

00:25:03.000 I'll do it.

00:25:04.000 I'll get health insurance out of it.

00:25:05.000 I'm about to get married.

00:25:07.000 So I record the commercials.

00:25:09.000 And the tagline is, it's me in a pharmacy and I'm looking at a bottle.

00:25:12.000 And it's Minoxidil 5. They just jacked it up from 3 to 5. And I go, four out of five, the voiceover goes, four out of five doctors say this will work.

00:25:22.000 And then I go, I look at the camera and I go, four out of five, I like my chances.

00:25:28.000 Oh, Jesus!

00:25:30.000 There you are, there you are.

00:25:31.000 So I do it.

00:25:33.000 I do it, and then there is!

00:25:36.000 There's that guy!

00:25:37.000 I like the nod.

00:25:39.000 You're like, yeah, this is legit.

00:25:42.000 So all of a sudden, it starts running. 1.00

00:25:45.000 It runs during the fucking playoffs. 1.00

00:25:50.000 March Madness. 0.99

00:25:51.000 Every guy I've ever met was calling me and going, I like my...

00:25:56.000 I'm walking down the street.

00:25:57.000 I like my chances!

00:25:58.000 I don't know.

00:25:59.000 It was everywhere.

00:26:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:02.000 And so they gave me a fucking supply for years. 0.99

00:26:06.000 And I was using it. 1.00

00:26:08.000 And my wife wouldn't let me cuddle with her because you put it on your head before you go to bed. 1.00

00:26:13.000 And you cuddle up next to her and she'll get fucking hair on her neck. 1.00

00:26:17.000 And it made you all greasy. 0.99

00:26:19.000 My pillows were all greasy.

00:26:20.000 And all it really grew was like a fuzz. 1.00

00:26:23.000 Did you ever try that shit? 1.00

00:26:24.000 Yeah, I tried that shit. 1.00

00:26:25.000 I tried everything. 1.00

00:26:26.000 Yeah.

00:26:27.000 I wish I'd shaved my head way earlier.

00:26:29.000 It's so easy.

00:26:31.000 I think I'm going to do it tomorrow for the first time in my life. 0.94

00:26:33.000 Once I shaved my head, I was like, why am I fucking around with all this hair? 0.97

00:26:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:37.000 If I had a full head of hair, I'd shave my fucking head. 1.00

00:26:40.000 I'd shave my head like every two weeks. 1.00

00:26:42.000 I'd just let it grow to stubble and then shave it down again.

00:26:44.000 Let it grow to stubble.

00:26:45.000 It's like, it's so much easier.

00:26:47.000 How often do you shave it?

00:26:48.000 Every couple days.

00:26:49.000 You take a razor and shaving cream?

00:26:51.000 Oh, you just use a buzzer?

00:26:53.000 Yeah, easy.

00:26:53.000 I have one that's made for shaving your head.

00:26:56.000 It's got a handle on it.

00:26:58.000 It's like an electric razor.

00:27:01.000 So you don't miss any spots.

00:27:03.000 How long does it take?

00:27:04.000 A couple minutes.

00:27:05.000 Feel good?

00:27:05.000 Yeah, it's great.

00:27:06.000 I don't have to think about it.

00:27:08.000 That's what I like.

00:27:08.000 I don't think about this.

00:27:10.000 I used to worry about my hair.

00:27:12.000 When my hair was falling out, when something's out of your control.

00:27:14.000 For people who have a full head of hair, they really don't understand this. 1.00

00:27:17.000 When you start losing your hair, young Jamie, son of a bitch. 0.99

00:27:19.000 When you start losing your hair, you just go, oh my god, there's nothing I can do about this. 1.00

00:27:24.000 This is terrible.

00:27:25.000 There's nothing you can do?

00:27:27.000 And then you look at it like... 1.00

00:27:28.000 These fucking guys, like some guys that are like gross looking bald dudes. 1.00

00:27:32.000 And you're like, oh my god, they used to be a kid. 1.00

00:27:34.000 They used to be just like me. 0.98

00:27:36.000 And then one day it all fucking fell out. 0.99

00:27:38.000 And they were this gross dude with the horseshoe around the bottom of the head. 1.00

00:27:42.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:27:43.000 That's what I'm going to be? 1.00

00:27:45.000 And once you shave your head, like for me, I got lucky I have a good shape.

00:27:50.000 I have a good shape to my head, which is something that I watched.

00:27:52.000 I went down a rabbit hole the other day.

00:27:55.000 And I went down a plastic surgery facial reconfiguration rabbit hole because of incels connected to this conversation we were having earlier about guys who can't get laid.

00:28:08.000 These guys were going to this one doctor.

00:28:10.000 There's a particular doctor.

00:28:11.000 I think he's in Indianapolis.

00:28:14.000 He does facial reconfiguration.

00:28:18.000 He widens your jaw.

00:28:20.000 He puts implants on your cheeks and jaw. 1.00

00:28:23.000 He puts implants on your fucking head. 1.00

00:28:25.000 Maybe you have a weird shaped head. 1.00

00:28:27.000 Maybe your head is shaped like a turtle or something.

00:28:29.000 You have a weird crest on the top of your head.

00:28:31.000 This guy puts implants under your skin to give you a nice round head.

00:28:36.000 They had like before and after and this guy was like I always hated my head and now my head's amazing and I'm looking at this and I'm going oh my god like I didn't even think of that.

00:28:45.000 Well how does it look?

00:28:46.000 It looked way better.

00:28:47.000 Yeah.

00:28:48.000 But it's what it is is like genetics are responding to symmetry.

00:28:53.000 When you see When you see poor genetics, you see something weird, like weird symmetry.

00:28:59.000 Why is his face so narrow?

00:29:01.000 Why does his chin go down so low?

00:29:03.000 What's weird about him?

00:29:04.000 Why are his shoulders so narrow?

00:29:06.000 Why are his arms so long?

00:29:07.000 When you see asymmetrical or weird-looking people that don't seem to...

00:29:11.000 Like, it doesn't fit into your idea of what the accepted breeding genetics of human beings are.

00:29:17.000 Right.

00:29:18.000 The Da Vinci Code.

00:29:18.000 Yeah.

00:29:19.000 Is that what it is?

00:29:20.000 Is that what the Da Vinci Code is?

00:29:21.000 Yeah, it's based on there's a certain shape of the face that defines beauty.

00:29:26.000 The Fibonacci Code?

00:29:27.000 Is that what you're thinking of?

00:29:27.000 No, I think it's the Da Vinci Code.

00:29:29.000 I thought that was the religious thing for that movie.

00:29:31.000 Yeah, but within it, don't they talk about the symmetry of the face?

00:29:35.000 I think that's the golden ratio.

00:29:36.000 Yeah, that's the Fibonacci.

00:29:37.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:37.000 That's the Fibonacci code.

00:29:39.000 But yeah, this is the guy.

00:29:40.000 This is this guy.

00:29:41.000 Wow.

00:29:42.000 So they...

00:29:43.000 Oh, this is an article from Cut.

00:29:46.000 TheCut.com.

00:29:48.000 Yeah, this is exactly where I started.

00:29:50.000 So I started on this, and I think it was on Dig or something like that.

00:29:54.000 And then I went from that to all of the...

00:30:07.000 Mm-hmm.

00:30:14.000 And this goes back to the prostitution thing.

00:30:17.000 What do people want from those people?

00:30:19.000 Do they want the world to be a different place than it really is?

00:30:22.000 Because are we operating as if this world is exactly how it is right now?

00:30:26.000 Or are we pretending that the world is how we'd like it to be one day in a utopian society?

00:30:32.000 Because if we're doing that, I get how you're behaving. 1.00

00:30:34.000 But if you're looking at the world around you the way it is, and you don't think these guys should be able to get prostitutes, You're an asshole. 1.00

00:30:41.000 I think that kind of boils down what libertarianism is. 0.99

00:30:45.000 It's whether or not we are in a evolving utopian mindset or whether or not we're going to just say, let people be who they are and just accept how things are.

00:30:55.000 There's a little bit of that.

00:30:56.000 I think I'm on both sides of that fence sometimes.

00:31:00.000 There's definitely people that...

00:31:11.000 I don't like giving up on people.

00:31:14.000 I just don't.

00:31:15.000 It's not human.

00:31:17.000 It's not a human thing to give up on people.

00:31:20.000 Right.

00:31:20.000 So, I'm on both sides of that.

00:31:26.000 Like, part of me wants to go, like, figure it out.

00:31:28.000 And then part of me wants to go, like, we've got to help people figure it out.

00:31:31.000 Yeah.

00:31:31.000 And we have to try to engineer our society like this is a problem.

00:31:37.000 It's like what we were talking about before about...

00:31:39.000 Reparations for slavery or these communities that have always been black and poor since the slave times. 1.00

00:31:48.000 Just leave that alone and let that sort itself out.

00:31:51.000 That is never going to sort itself out. 0.99

00:31:53.000 That's like a place in your garage that's fucked up and filled with trash that you think is going to figure itself out on its own. 0.99

00:32:00.000 You've got to do something! 1.00

00:32:02.000 The garbage that you're leaving behind That's not going to make its way to the trash. 0.89

00:32:07.000 You're going to have to sort it out. 0.95

00:32:08.000 You're going to have to figure out how to do it.

00:32:09.000 You have to get it out there.

00:32:10.000 If you have an impoverished, crime-riddled community filled with drugs and gangs, it's not going to get better.

00:32:17.000 You have to do something.

00:32:19.000 Someone has to do something.

00:32:20.000 You can't just pretend.

00:32:21.000 You can't just go further and further away from it.

00:32:24.000 If we're going to act as a country...

00:32:26.000 That's what we're supposed to be.

00:32:28.000 We're supposed to be a big-ass team. 0.99

00:32:30.000 We're supposed to be looking at the spots on the team that are fucked up. 0.99

00:32:34.000 Yeah, you talk about that. 0.99

00:32:35.000 Houston is kind of famous for this. 0.99

00:32:37.000 Literally, the garbage dumps were all put in the black neighborhoods. 1.00

00:32:40.000 They just started dumping all the garbage in the poor areas with the bad schools, totally segregated. 1.00

00:32:46.000 It's the same areas that they were slave shacks way back when, and now it's the same fucking generations later living in garbage. 1.00

00:32:54.000 Whew. 0.99

00:32:55.000 All right, so what if you do a DNA test?

00:32:57.000 What if you do a DNA test? 1.00

00:32:59.000 You find out your great-grandfather was the guy who put the fucking garbage dump in the black neighborhood, and that's why you have a Cadillac. 1.00

00:33:06.000 Dude, my wallet's on the table at that point. 1.00

00:33:08.000 Take it all.

00:33:09.000 I'm so sorry.

00:33:10.000 But you didn't do anything.

00:33:11.000 You're 23. I recycle now.

00:33:13.000 Thank you.

00:33:14.000 Put stuff in the green bins, the blue bins.

00:33:16.000 You're going to save those fish.

00:33:18.000 Compost bins.

00:33:19.000 Those whales out there just eating plastic?

00:33:21.000 Yeah.

00:33:23.000 We've got to genetic engineer the whales to actually be able to digest plastic.

00:33:27.000 Yeah, figure it out, you folks.

00:33:28.000 Then we're good.

00:33:28.000 It's free food.

00:33:29.000 Yeah.

00:33:30.000 Come on.

00:33:34.000 Yeah, man.

00:33:35.000 We had a guy, Boyan Slott, on the podcast.

00:33:38.000 He's this really young genius who is in the middle of devising and implementing a way to gather up the plastic.

00:33:45.000 He's got this big machine that operates.

00:33:47.000 Oh, I saw that.

00:33:47.000 It's got a big arm on it?

00:33:49.000 Yeah, and it's got a net.

00:33:51.000 It's got a capturing.

00:33:52.000 I'm really breaking it down, like I'm paraphrasing in a shitty way, but his machine is just going to scoop plastic up, and they think they could actually reuse that plastic and make things out of it.

00:34:04.000 Yeah, I saw that.

00:34:05.000 I think they ran into some technical problems with it when they just used it.

00:34:09.000 Yeah, I think when they tried it out right away, it didn't work that good.

00:34:12.000 But he kind of figured that.

00:34:14.000 He was like, well, there's going to be a bunch of improvements.

00:34:16.000 It's like everything else.

00:34:19.000 Go buy an early Tesla.

00:34:21.000 They were terrible.

00:34:23.000 Dude, it may be over.

00:34:24.000 Tesla may not last.

00:34:26.000 Really?

00:34:26.000 Yeah, they're saying that...

00:34:28.000 Well, the problem is they call it entrepreneurial shiny object syndrome.

00:34:33.000 That's what Elon Musk has.

00:34:35.000 He can't stop. 0.70

00:34:37.000 There was SpaceX, which is fucking phenomenal, what that program has done. 0.75

00:34:43.000 They are delivering stuff to space for a tenth of the price of NASA. They have cut costs ridiculously. 0.54

00:34:53.000 NASA was so fucking bloated, which was great, but now it's like he wants to put a fucking tunnel under LA and he wants these charging stations all around the country that are going to be solar powered, that are going to be expensive. 0.90

00:35:07.000 He's just overextended himself and now Wall Street used to love him and now they're not buying it anymore and it could be the end of the company. 0.96

00:35:15.000 How would it be the end of the company?

00:35:16.000 How does that work?

00:35:17.000 Well, they need to be producing like a million cars a year to be cost effective for their assembly lines.

00:35:24.000 Really?

00:35:25.000 What it costs for their assembly lines.

00:35:26.000 And they're putting out a few hundred thousand a year.

00:35:28.000 Oh, wow.

00:35:29.000 And they need to up production to that point and they don't think they can do it.

00:35:35.000 I shouldn't say that. 0.98

00:35:36.000 I'm going to fucking tank the stock. 0.95

00:35:39.000 Yeah, it's, um, like how many different places can you charge at now? 0.98

00:35:43.000 I always charge here or I charge at home.

00:35:45.000 Yeah.

00:35:46.000 But how many places is it real easy to charge?

00:35:48.000 Can you find a lot of spots?

00:35:50.000 I have no idea.

00:35:51.000 But I know he's trying to make it really universal.

00:35:54.000 It's great if you're driving it just to work.

00:35:56.000 Like I do, I drive it to the store or drive it here.

00:35:59.000 It's great.

00:36:01.000 It's the best car I've ever driven.

00:36:03.000 But it's not ready for long-ass trips.

00:36:07.000 It takes too much time.

00:36:08.000 My friend just bought a, I think it's a Mitsubishi, and it's a hybrid, but how it works is it goes all-electric.

00:36:15.000 Until you run out of the electric charge, and then the motor kicks in, as opposed to my Prius, which is just alternating back and forth all the time.

00:36:24.000 Right.

00:36:24.000 The Prius gets ridiculous gas mileage, though, right?

00:36:26.000 It's amazing.

00:36:27.000 What do you get?

00:36:28.000 Probably 50. Wow.

00:36:30.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

00:36:32.000 Looks like dog shit, though. 1.00

00:36:33.000 I hate it. 1.00

00:36:34.000 Why do you deal with it?

00:36:36.000 Why do you do that to yourself?

00:36:38.000 You and I have had this conversation a million times where I'm like, Greg, get a muscle car.

00:36:42.000 I want a Mustang.

00:36:44.000 That's all I want.

00:36:44.000 I want one.

00:36:45.000 The new ones are amazing.

00:36:46.000 As a matter of fact, they have a new bullet Mustang.

00:36:48.000 No, they don't.

00:36:49.000 Yes, they do.

00:36:50.000 Yes, they do.

00:36:50.000 They have a bullet model.

00:36:52.000 Brand new 2019 green, emerald green, dope ass fucking Mustang with, I think it's More than 460 horsepower. 0.99

00:37:04.000 It's very fast. 0.99

00:37:05.000 It's an up-tuned version of the one that's in the GT. So it's the Coyote Generation 3 Mustang engine.

00:37:12.000 Look at that.

00:37:13.000 That's it.

00:37:13.000 Bay B. Oh my god.

00:37:15.000 Yeah, see it even says bullet on the back.

00:37:17.000 See the back badge?

00:37:19.000 That's a bullet Mustang.

00:37:20.000 That's the 2019. And you get in a stick shift.

00:37:23.000 Like a fucking man, Fitzsimmons! 1.00

00:37:26.000 Yeah, you definitely gotta get the stick shift. 1.00

00:37:27.000 You get the fucking stick shift. 1.00

00:37:28.000 You drive around. 1.00

00:37:29.000 Your balls are gonna grow back. 1.00

00:37:32.000 I need them back. 1.00

00:37:33.000 Look at that.

00:37:33.000 It's a beautiful car.

00:37:35.000 I need this TRT. Is that the testosterone?

00:37:38.000 I need that.

00:37:38.000 Testosterone replacement therapy.

00:37:39.000 You need both these things in your life.

00:37:41.000 The Prius is like... 1.00

00:37:42.000 Shut your mouth with that Prius. 0.97

00:37:43.000 I know. 1.00

00:37:43.000 Stop talking about it. 1.00

00:37:44.000 Look at that.

00:37:44.000 Mustang Bullitt 2019. It's like the 50th anniversary of the movie or whatever the hell it is.

00:37:49.000 Yeah.

00:37:49.000 When was that movie?

00:37:50.000 40th?

00:37:51.000 68th.

00:37:52.000 68th?

00:37:52.000 So, yeah.

00:37:53.000 More than 50th.

00:37:54.000 Look at that, man.

00:37:55.000 Ooh.

00:37:56.000 Wow. 1.00

00:37:56.000 God damn, that's a car. 1.00

00:37:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:37:58.000 That's a motherfucker of a car. 1.00

00:38:00.000 They make great American cars right now. 0.99

00:38:03.000 Yeah.

00:38:03.000 Right now is a great time.

00:38:05.000 So look at the two of them, the old one and the new one.

00:38:06.000 Oh, wow.

00:38:07.000 And you know the great thing is the gas mileage on these cars isn't that bad anymore.

00:38:11.000 Very good.

00:38:13.000 Yeah, they have intelligent computers running all the fuel injection and everything.

00:38:21.000 The tune of the engine is all done with computers now.

00:38:23.000 Do you want to get one, bro? 0.99

00:38:24.000 Come on, stop fucking around. 1.00

00:38:26.000 What are we going to get, younger? 1.00

00:38:27.000 You know what it is?

00:38:28.000 It's the whole college thing. 1.00

00:38:29.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:38:31.000 You're a talented comedian. 1.00

00:38:32.000 You make plenty of loot. 1.00

00:38:33.000 You're going to spend money on this stupid fucking Prius. 1.00

00:38:35.000 That thing is not free. 1.00

00:38:36.000 You have to pay for that thing. 1.00

00:38:38.000 Get a goddamn Mustang. 1.00

00:38:40.000 How much one of those bullet Mustangs? 1.00

00:38:41.000 I'm trying to sell it.

00:38:42.000 Jamie, why do you think it's funny?

00:38:43.000 You know I'm right.

00:38:45.000 You know I'm right.

00:38:46.000 I know you're right too.

00:38:48.000 How much is that?

00:38:49.000 At the end of my life.

00:38:50.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:38:51.000 Now, Fitzsimmons.

00:38:53.000 Now I'm saying, at the end of my life, when I look back, I'm going to go, oh, my kid went to college? 1.00

00:38:56.000 Fuck him. 1.00

00:38:57.000 He can take a loan. 1.00

00:38:59.000 Do you have the room for it in your driveway if you had a third car?

00:39:03.000 We park on the street.

00:39:04.000 We live in Venice.

00:39:05.000 46,000.

00:39:06.000 That's not much, buddy.

00:39:07.000 It's not bad.

00:39:08.000 That's a good deal. 1.00

00:39:09.000 Get that fucking thing. 1.00

00:39:10.000 You park on the street like a savage? 1.00

00:39:11.000 Maybe I'll start like a Kickstarter fund or something for my car.

00:39:14.000 You think people would do that?

00:39:15.000 Um, no.

00:39:16.000 Ha ha! 1.00

00:39:20.000 They would say, just do some gigs and put some money away, you son of a bitch. 1.00

00:39:24.000 I know you fucking sell out places. 1.00

00:39:26.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:39:27.000 Some dudes are just so frugal. 1.00

00:39:29.000 I always find that so funny because I'm such a slob.

00:39:32.000 But that's how we were when we started in Boston. 0.99

00:39:35.000 You were driving a fucking, was it a Celica GT or something? 0.99

00:39:39.000 No, no, no. 0.99

00:39:39.000 It was a Mitsubishi Starion. 0.99

00:39:42.000 It was like a little sporty looking car.

00:39:43.000 And you were leasing it. 0.99

00:39:45.000 And I was like, who the fuck leases a new car when they've been doing comedy for two years? 1.00

00:39:50.000 And I had a fucking, I had an 84 Volkswagen Rabbit. 0.99

00:39:54.000 And I just remember you had a fucking nice, you had a jacked up stereo system in it. 0.99

00:39:59.000 And I remember you got, it got fucking repossessed. 0.98

00:40:02.000 Oh, that was a different car. 0.98

00:40:03.000 That was the Dodge Daytona Shelby.

00:40:05.000 I got rid of the one, and then I got the second one. 0.99

00:40:09.000 And you didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:40:10.000 You went to the impound lot, and you jumped the fence to get the radio out, right? 0.99

00:40:15.000 Yeah, I had a stereo I put in it.

00:40:17.000 I installed the stereo. 0.99

00:40:19.000 I jumped the fence and pulled the fucking stereo out of the Daytona. 1.00

00:40:25.000 Because I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay for that fucking car anymore. 0.99

00:40:29.000 That was the first year of comedy. 0.99

00:40:31.000 That was my first year.

00:40:33.000 I actually got that while I was still teaching.

00:40:37.000 I was teaching at Boston University.

00:40:40.000 I was teaching Taekwondo there.

00:40:41.000 I was teaching at...

00:40:43.000 This school that I was running in Revere, and I was delivering newspapers. 0.99

00:40:47.000 So I was making a little bit of money, and I was really stupid. 0.87

00:40:50.000 And when I found out that I could get a car, like a brand new Dodge Daytona Shelby in 1988 or 1989, and I could lease it. 0.89

00:41:00.000 They would lease it to me.

00:41:01.000 I was like, perfect, let's do it.

00:41:02.000 But then somewhere along the line, I had decided I was really going to dedicate myself to stand-up.

00:41:08.000 I was like, I'm half-assing this.

00:41:11.000 And someone had told me that.

00:41:12.000 One of the guys that I was doing open mic nights, he said, you know, you were really funny like six months ago.

00:41:16.000 But he goes, but it seems like you've fallen off a little.

00:41:20.000 And he said it to me, and I didn't even respond. 0.99

00:41:22.000 I remember like, fuck, he's right. 0.99

00:41:24.000 He's right. 0.99

00:41:25.000 He's right.

00:41:26.000 I'm half-assing it. 1.00

00:41:27.000 And then that night, I was like, fuck this. 0.99

00:41:29.000 I'm quitting everything. 0.99

00:41:30.000 So I decided I was going to quit teaching.

00:41:32.000 I quit teaching at BU. I quit teaching at my school.

00:41:36.000 I shut my school down.

00:41:38.000 It's like, I'm done.

00:41:39.000 I gotta be a comic.

00:41:41.000 100%.

00:41:41.000 And then, I had no money.

00:41:43.000 So you just said, I'll live off whatever I make to stand up at that point.

00:41:47.000 I was trying to get odd jobs during the day.

00:41:49.000 Yeah.

00:41:49.000 But I couldn't have anything that I was dedicated to.

00:41:51.000 Right.

00:41:51.000 And when I was teaching, I was very dedicated to teaching.

00:41:54.000 It meant a lot to me.

00:41:55.000 Like, martial arts meant a lot to me.

00:41:56.000 So, technique means a lot to me.

00:41:58.000 So, when I was teaching people, I was very specific.

00:42:01.000 Like, it meant a lot.

00:42:02.000 Yeah.

00:42:02.000 And I would teach people and I'd bring them to tournaments.

00:42:04.000 And, you know, I'd raised kids from, like, white belt all the way up to, like, blue belt.

00:42:10.000 And I brought them to tournaments.

00:42:11.000 Yeah.

00:42:11.000 It was exciting.

00:42:12.000 It was really fun.

00:42:13.000 It meant a lot to me, though.

00:42:14.000 It meant enough to me that I was not going to half-ass it.

00:42:16.000 I was like, I'm not going to half-teach these people.

00:42:19.000 Because when I was teaching, I was very serious about it.

00:42:21.000 It meant a lot.

00:42:23.000 So I was like, once I have a thing, I'm like, that's the thing.

00:42:30.000 All these other things just get in the way of the thing.

00:42:32.000 I have to just eliminate those.

00:42:33.000 And so that's what I did. 1.00

00:42:34.000 And then they took my fucking car. 0.99

00:42:36.000 But I got the stereo back. 1.00

00:42:37.000 Yeah.

00:42:41.000 Yeah, we were always like that.

00:42:42.000 I remember because I was living with your girlfriend and you were coming over every night. 0.99

00:42:48.000 Fucking, you'd come from like Cappuccino's, the restaurant around the corner with fucking takeout. 0.99

00:42:52.000 Like, nice meals. 1.00

00:42:53.000 I was eating fucking ramen noodles. 0.99

00:42:56.000 I spent every penny I had. 1.00

00:42:57.000 You spent everything.

00:42:58.000 I didn't put anything away ever. 1.00

00:43:00.000 Come from Blockbuster with fucking five movies under your arm. 0.98

00:43:05.000 Yeah, you were living with my girlfriend and another dude. 1.00

00:43:09.000 A gay guy named Mike Coconut.

00:43:11.000 He was a great guy.

00:43:12.000 He was a great dude.

00:43:13.000 He was the first guy I ever met who had a Bowflex. 1.00

00:43:16.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

00:43:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:17.000 He was the first guy I met who was growing marijuana in his closet. 1.00

00:43:21.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:43:21.000 With lights. 1.00

00:43:22.000 That's dangerous in Boston in the 80s.

00:43:23.000 That's right.

00:43:24.000 You could go to jail, jail.

00:43:25.000 That was some skunk weed.

00:43:27.000 We used to sit around smoking that skunk weed. 0.69

00:43:29.000 You could go to jail, jail for that.

00:43:30.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.000 Massachusetts is 100% free now.

00:43:34.000 100% legal.

00:43:35.000 Go to a store and buy it.

00:43:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:36.000 How fucking beautiful is that? 0.99

00:43:38.000 I know. 0.99

00:43:38.000 Illinois House passes marijuana legalization bill. 0.99

00:43:41.000 Oh, wow.

00:43:41.000 Yes.

00:43:43.000 No, that's huge.

00:43:44.000 Sends to Pritzker.

00:43:45.000 I don't know what that means. 1.00

00:43:47.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:43:48.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:43:49.000 Legalize Illinois. 1.00

00:43:51.000 And get a gang of it out to the south side of Chicago.

00:43:55.000 Speaking of disenfranchised neighborhoods that are not going to fix themselves.

00:43:59.000 I know.

00:44:00.000 That's another one.

00:44:00.000 There was five murders there last week.

00:44:02.000 It's crazy. 0.99

00:44:03.000 And the schools are so fucking bad. 0.99

00:44:05.000 There's this really good documentary called America is Me. 0.99

00:44:11.000 Yeah.

00:44:34.000 He's got a single mom and they just lost the apartment because she lost her job and now they're living with an aunt.

00:44:40.000 There's all these circumstances going on and then you've got the white kids who are taking SAT prep classes and they've got a mom who's not working that drives them to their different sports. 0.51

00:44:51.000 It's a great documentary.

00:45:08.000 It's a different world. 0.96

00:45:08.000 And they think, well, I fucking didn't have my shoes tied, and I didn't do this, and I missed out on birthday parties. 0.96

00:45:16.000 But nobody shot you. 0.99

00:45:18.000 Nobody robbed you. 0.83

00:45:19.000 Your uncle didn't rape you.

00:45:21.000 You're not in jail. 0.99

00:45:22.000 You didn't watch your brother get killed.

00:45:25.000 Come on, man.

00:45:26.000 There's way worse hands that people get dealt.

00:45:30.000 Way worse.

00:45:31.000 And just the overall vague sense of...

00:45:34.000 Entitlement.

00:45:35.000 Well, I'm saying on the other side of being surrounded by people that are not achieving and being exposed to people that don't think that finishing high school or college is a priority.

00:45:44.000 And so it's very hard to come up with that concept yourself, especially in the absence of like two functioning parents.

00:45:51.000 Yeah.

00:45:58.000 Yeah.

00:46:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:15.000 But the idea that we're all in the same fucking starting block is just stupid as fuck. 1.00

00:46:19.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:46:20.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:46:21.000 It's a bad way to look at the world. 1.00

00:46:23.000 And when people get upset at certain aspects of life without acknowledging that...

00:46:33.000 Yeah, and then you've got people that live in abandoned factory towns, whether it's in the Appalachias or it's in Detroit, where you had jobs and your grandfather had a job and that was it.

00:46:43.000 And it was just, it was like, there was no diversity of work in that area. 0.96

00:46:48.000 And then the fucking plant closes and it's just despair. 0.99

00:46:52.000 I have a good friend and his family is from coal miners. 0.99

00:46:56.000 And the way he describes it, he's like, you have never seen that kind of poverty before.

00:47:01.000 You've never seen that kind of poverty. 0.98

00:47:02.000 You're in these cold towns, and people are just all fucked up on pills, like the whole town's fucked up on pills. 0.97

00:47:09.000 It's like, you haven't seen poverty like that. 0.97

00:47:11.000 It's dark, and there's despair, and there's no exit strategy.

00:47:15.000 There's no one to model around you.

00:47:17.000 No one's there to give you advice. 0.62

00:47:19.000 Everyone's a criminal.

00:47:20.000 Everyone's trying to get by. 0.99

00:47:21.000 Everyone's selling pills, robbing people, shooting people.

00:47:25.000 And this is just a segment.

00:47:26.000 This is just what happens with despair, right?

00:47:29.000 And this is just despair in that context.

00:47:33.000 And then there's despair in South Central LA. Just despair in East LA. Just despair in, you know, really fucked up Mexican neighborhoods in LA. Well, that's why we were talking about – I think you had a guest on that talked about how everything's getting – robots are taken over. 1.00

00:47:49.000 That's the book by – Andrew Yang.

00:47:51.000 It was probably the presidential candidate.

00:47:52.000 Yeah, you're talking about how they're going to subsidize the whole population.

00:47:56.000 Yes, yes.

00:47:57.000 They call it universal basic income.

00:47:59.000 But with that, it sounds like it may happen, that type of a system, but there's still going to be despair because you still need a sense of purpose.

00:48:06.000 You still need to work.

00:48:08.000 Yeah.

00:48:08.000 And feel good about yourself.

00:48:10.000 That's the counter to that, yeah.

00:48:11.000 And I agree with both things, unfortunately.

00:48:14.000 It's like...

00:48:16.000 I agree that most likely automation is going to take over.

00:48:20.000 Here's the thing.

00:48:21.000 When people need purpose, they still need purpose.

00:48:24.000 They need purpose now.

00:48:25.000 But would $1,000 a month, if everyone knew they had $1,000 a month coming from the government, would it make you more invested in being an American?

00:48:35.000 Would it make you more invested in keeping this thing running?

00:48:38.000 You're actually getting paid from it.

00:48:39.000 You're looking at America like it's generating income.

00:48:42.000 And you're getting paid from it.

00:48:44.000 You're getting enough money so you can eat and have a roof over your head.

00:48:47.000 Like if the three of us got $1,000 a month, that's $3,000 a month.

00:48:51.000 There's a place we could get with the three of us that was like $1,500 a month.

00:48:54.000 And then the rest of it we would just put into food and whatever.

00:48:57.000 And you could live.

00:48:59.000 You could live like that.

00:49:01.000 That's a livable wage.

00:49:03.000 If you get enough people, they get $1,000 a month.

00:49:06.000 It's not perfect.

00:49:07.000 It's not great.

00:49:07.000 So the question is, how does it make you feel about yourself and about your country?

00:49:11.000 Yeah, and this is the question, too.

00:49:13.000 Does that stop you from pursuing your dreams?

00:49:15.000 Because it's not like you're getting 50 grand a year.

00:49:18.000 Like, if you were getting 50 grand a year, like, man, it'd be hard to get me to work.

00:49:21.000 If I just had free 50 grand every year...

00:49:25.000 How much do you really need?

00:49:27.000 If you have an apartment...

00:49:28.000 I know folks that are making $50,000.

00:49:31.000 You'd be surprised.

00:49:31.000 You don't really save much.

00:49:33.000 If you have a car and a lease and either a mortgage or an apartment payment...

00:49:37.000 I get it.

00:49:38.000 I get it.

00:49:38.000 But if you had $50,000 a year, it would be really hard for you to grind.

00:49:43.000 It would be really hard...

00:49:45.000 For you to really go after something.

00:49:48.000 Just be obsessed.

00:49:50.000 Unless that's just your style.

00:49:52.000 Unless that's just who you are.

00:49:53.000 Well, it seems like a...

00:49:54.000 I don't know if it's a more manageable way to just socialize medicine and make higher education free.

00:50:01.000 I think both those things are imperative.

00:50:03.000 I really do.

00:50:04.000 Especially education.

00:50:05.000 Why should it cost money to figure out how to make people more intelligent and contribute better? 0.78

00:50:13.000 Wouldn't you want less losers? 0.89

00:50:15.000 Wouldn't you want more educated people that have a better understanding of how the world works? 0.76

00:50:18.000 Of course you would.

00:50:19.000 Especially since we're a service economy.

00:50:20.000 We're not a manufacturing economy anymore.

00:50:22.000 We need people that understand how to manage and to be entrepreneurial and communicate.

00:50:30.000 Well, just be educated.

00:50:31.000 I mean, if there's more people that are smarter, then you have more competition, then you have more productivity.

00:50:36.000 I mean, it would just be better for everybody. 0.95

00:50:38.000 You don't want ignorant people. 0.98

00:50:40.000 You don't want it. 1.00

00:50:40.000 Meanwhile, education, my son's going to college, it's fucking $65,000 a year. 1.00

00:50:46.000 That's so much money. 0.92

00:50:47.000 Times four years, times two kids, that's $600,000 a year.

00:50:51.000 What Americans got an extra $600,000?

00:50:53.000 So your kid is now saddled with a debt that he'll be paying off forever and He's underwater.

00:50:58.000 That's not $600,000 a year.

00:51:00.000 You're saying $65,000 a year and two kids.

00:51:02.000 $65,000, $70,000, $130,000.

00:51:05.000 You mean forever.

00:51:07.000 Yeah, for four years.

00:51:08.000 For four years times two kids.

00:51:10.000 I was like, $650,000 a year.

00:51:11.000 That's like $600,000 total.

00:51:13.000 Over the course of their college careers.

00:51:16.000 And you have to make more than a million to have that, by the way.

00:51:19.000 Yeah.

00:51:20.000 Because you've got to pay taxes.

00:51:21.000 Yeah.

00:51:22.000 And you're not just only spending money on that.

00:51:26.000 You've got to spend money on living expenses and your mortgage and your house.

00:51:29.000 So that...

00:51:31.000 You know, you're really talking about $2 million, probably.

00:51:35.000 And don't think your kid's coming out of college into a job that's going to be able to support himself.

00:51:39.000 You're still going to be subsidizing their phone and their car insurance and probably part of their rent for the next five, six years after that.

00:51:46.000 Playing tickets when they come to visit.

00:51:47.000 Yeah.

00:51:48.000 And if you're thinking about that over these four years, you really...

00:51:51.000 If you want $100,000, you kind of have to make $200,000.

00:51:56.000 And then you got insurance...

00:51:58.000 If you're on the market as a family of four to get health insurance in California, you're paying $20,000 a year, between $15,000 and $20,000 a year, which means, again, you've got to earn $40,000.

00:52:09.000 A lot of people are moving out of California because of state tax.

00:52:13.000 A lot of people realize, you know, I can live in Nevada and not pay any state tax.

00:52:18.000 Why would I want to pay state tax?

00:52:20.000 What am I doing?

00:52:25.000 We're good to go. 0.97

00:52:42.000 Yeah, the people who don't pay the city tax are dirty.

00:52:45.000 They work in the city and they don't pay the tax. 0.73

00:52:47.000 That's right.

00:52:48.000 Must pay the tax!

00:52:50.000 Those estates in Connecticut.

00:52:52.000 Yeah.

00:52:53.000 Those weird, soulless, gigantic, Great Gatsby-like estates.

00:53:00.000 Darien, Connecticut. 0.99

00:53:01.000 They've all got fucking Ferraris with automatic transmissions. 0.99

00:53:06.000 A buddy of mine works at a high school in Connecticut where all these rich kids go to school. 0.99

00:53:10.000 He works there.

00:53:11.000 Shout out to my boy Tommy Jr. Yeah, he works there and sees these people. 0.99

00:53:17.000 These giant fucking huge lawns. 0.98

00:53:20.000 I'm thinking about buying a place there. 1.00

00:53:25.000 I want a big lawn.

00:53:27.000 I want to be like a Kennedy.

00:53:28.000 I'd like to live next to a bunch of people that are on pills. 1.00

00:53:31.000 Out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:53:32.000 Trying to make meaning out of life. 1.00

00:53:34.000 With three billion dollars in the bank.

00:53:36.000 I want people whose heads have been reshaped by a guy in Indianapolis.

00:53:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:41.000 If you have a flat head, though, girls don't want to fuck a dude with a flat head. 1.00

00:53:45.000 No. 1.00

00:53:45.000 I'm going to shave my head, but it's not going to look good. 1.00

00:53:47.000 The back of your head is flat. 0.98

00:53:47.000 I got a bad head. 0.98

00:53:49.000 You're fine.

00:53:50.000 Well, I'm too pasty.

00:53:51.000 I'm pasty white.

00:53:52.000 Turn sideways. 0.91

00:53:52.000 Dude, shave it. 0.91

00:53:53.000 You're fine.

00:53:54.000 Really?

00:53:54.000 I'm doing it tomorrow.

00:53:55.000 Do we have the clippers from the town?

00:53:56.000 I'll do it right now.

00:53:57.000 Really?

00:53:58.000 Are they over there?

00:53:59.000 Yeah.

00:53:59.000 Are they charged up?

00:54:00.000 No.

00:54:00.000 Probably.

00:54:01.000 If it only went halfway and then cut off.

00:54:04.000 You should have that.

00:54:05.000 That should be your new look, like crisscross.

00:54:07.000 Remember they used to have their clothes on backwards?

00:54:09.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:54:09.000 You shave half the side of your head.

00:54:11.000 You shave one side, leave the other side.

00:54:14.000 And people are like, what is going on? 1.00

00:54:16.000 You're like, fuck you. 1.00

00:54:18.000 I'm handicapped. 1.00

00:54:19.000 Look at my head.

00:54:20.000 Half the crowd.

00:54:21.000 I'm doing bald jokes for half the crowd.

00:54:23.000 The other half you're doing like going bald jokes.

00:54:28.000 Dude, I had Ari Shafir on my podcast one time, and...

00:54:33.000 You ever do a podcast above the Comedy Cellar?

00:54:36.000 They've got a studio up there?

00:54:37.000 No, I haven't.

00:54:38.000 Bobby Kelly started it.

00:54:39.000 Oh, nice.

00:54:40.000 I forget what it's called.

00:54:42.000 So I'm up there doing my podcast with Ari, and it's an apartment.

00:54:46.000 There's a bedroom and a bathroom and then the studio.

00:54:50.000 And we got to talking about torture, and I go, you ever been waterboarded?

00:54:56.000 He's like, no.

00:54:57.000 I go, this is a bathroom right here. 0.99

00:55:00.000 I go, you want me to waterboard you?

00:55:02.000 No.

00:55:02.000 And you know Ari's like, yeah, sure, let's do it.

00:55:05.000 So we go inside and I put a towel over his face and he leans over backwards and his head is below his body in the shower stall.

00:55:12.000 The nozzle comes off the wall and I spray down his face and nothing, nothing, nothing. 0.79

00:55:18.000 And then all of a sudden his body's convulsing, his legs are kicking, he's fucking screaming, water is shooting out of his nose, he's choking. 0.99

00:55:26.000 And it went on for like a couple of minutes and And I'm fucking dying. 0.99

00:55:31.000 And then he starts laughing. 0.93

00:55:32.000 And we were just on the podcast laughing without saying a word for probably five minutes.

00:55:37.000 And then he goes, want me to do it to you? 0.99

00:55:39.000 I'm like, fuck yeah. 0.99

00:55:44.000 And then he waterboarded me and the same thing happened. 0.99

00:55:47.000 Wow.

00:55:48.000 Yeah.

00:55:48.000 Waterboarding is legit.

00:55:50.000 Yeah.

00:55:51.000 Yeah.

00:55:53.000 That's real torture.

00:55:54.000 Yeah.

00:55:55.000 But it's weird torture because you're not...

00:55:58.000 Permanently injuring someone. 0.99

00:55:59.000 When you think of torture, you think of someone cutting someone, lighting them on fire, shit like that. 0.99

00:56:05.000 What's the torture you would least want to be done to you? 0.99

00:56:08.000 Good question.

00:56:09.000 Maybe that one.

00:56:10.000 Maybe waterboarding.

00:56:11.000 I don't know.

00:56:12.000 I get, like, electrocution.

00:56:16.000 They electrocute you.

00:56:17.000 Ozarks? 0.94

00:56:18.000 Spoiler alert.

00:56:18.000 Remember that?

00:56:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:56:19.000 Don't say nothing.

00:56:20.000 I think being made to be cold for a long period of time.

00:56:25.000 Cold and no...

00:56:26.000 They say no sleep is actually the worst thing you can do to somebody.

00:56:29.000 Right, like Chinese water torture.

00:56:30.000 They just have their water drip on you.

00:56:31.000 Drip.

00:56:32.000 Just keeps you awake.

00:56:33.000 Drip.

00:56:33.000 Daze.

00:56:34.000 Drip.

00:56:34.000 Yeah.

00:56:35.000 That's a good tip if you're ever falling asleep while you're driving, folks.

00:56:39.000 If you stop at a gas station and get a soda or a water and some ice, and then get a wet towel with ice in it and just rub your face.

00:56:49.000 Because I used to smack myself in the face when I was coming back from gigs, and I'd be driving on the Mass Pike and there's no one on the road.

00:56:55.000 Smacking yourself in the face.

00:56:56.000 Just sticking my head out the window. 0.99

00:56:59.000 You know, just trying to stay awake.

00:57:01.000 Yeah.

00:57:01.000 Because you're just...

00:57:02.000 Something about the hypnotic white lines just... 0.99

00:57:04.000 Dude, I used to fucking... 0.97

00:57:05.000 I used to drive from Boston to New York like once a week for like a year and a half. 0.99

00:57:10.000 Oh my God.

00:57:11.000 I had a place I could crash in the city and I'd finish my gigs on Saturday night. 0.98

00:57:15.000 I'd be at the fucking Worcester Aku Aku. 0.96

00:57:17.000 The show would end at like, you know, midnight. 0.97

00:57:20.000 And I'd get in my car and I'd drive the three, three and a half hours to the city.

00:57:24.000 And I regularly...

00:57:28.000 Slept while driving and then snapped out of it. 0.98

00:57:32.000 Like, how fucking crazy is that? 0.98

00:57:34.000 I once wrecked a car. 0.99

00:57:35.000 I fell asleep on the highway once.

00:57:38.000 How old were you?

00:57:39.000 I was in college and I had to go down to Providence for a court date.

00:57:45.000 I got into a fight in Providence and I got arrested, spent the weekend in jail.

00:57:50.000 And I had to come back for the court appearance.

00:57:52.000 So I borrowed my ex-girlfriend's car and I'd been up the night before all night drinking.

00:57:58.000 And so I drove down and I did the court appearance, got out of it. 0.95

00:58:04.000 And I'm driving home, and I'm on 95 North, and I just fucking fell asleep. 0.92

00:58:10.000 And I hit the guardrail, spun out, hit a truck. 0.98

00:58:13.000 Oh, my God.

00:58:14.000 And thank God, I cut my mouth.

00:58:18.000 I hit my mouth on the steering wheel.

00:58:19.000 This is probably no airbags, too, right?

00:58:21.000 No airbags.

00:58:22.000 It was an old Toyota Corolla. 0.99

00:58:24.000 Fucking totaled the car. 0.99

00:58:26.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:58:26.000 My ex-girlfriend's car. 1.00

00:58:27.000 Oh, no.

00:58:28.000 Yeah.

00:58:29.000 How does she feel?

00:58:30.000 She was alright with it.

00:58:31.000 Really?

00:58:32.000 She was happy you were alive?

00:58:33.000 She was a great girl.

00:58:34.000 Aww.

00:58:35.000 Yeah, Cindy Murtha.

00:58:36.000 Shout out to Cindy. 0.99

00:58:37.000 So, you probably were relieved because of the court date, right?

00:58:42.000 Yeah.

00:58:43.000 You were relieved.

00:58:44.000 I got off.

00:58:45.000 I can't believe I got off.

00:58:46.000 Right.

00:58:46.000 And then you're driving back.

00:58:50.000 Dang. 1.00

00:58:50.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:58:51.000 What a feeling, man. 1.00

00:58:52.000 You talk about adrenaline rushing into your body.

00:58:54.000 That second, it can't get no more intense than that.

00:58:57.000 Kid I knew from high school died that way. 1.00

00:58:59.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

00:59:00.000 Really? 1.00

00:59:00.000 Yeah, he hit the underside of a bridge. 1.00

00:59:05.000 Damn. 1.00

00:59:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:06.000 He was asleep or he was drinking?

00:59:08.000 Fell asleep.

00:59:09.000 Fell asleep. 1.00

00:59:11.000 Damn. 1.00

00:59:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:13.000 Happens all the time, man.

00:59:14.000 My father.

00:59:15.000 My father was a big drinker, and he was driving home drunk one time, and my mom was following him in another car.

00:59:24.000 That's how complicit alcoholism was back in the 70s.

00:59:28.000 Yeah.

00:59:28.000 Wives were just like, all right, honey, I'll follow you because you're drunk.

00:59:32.000 Oh my God.

00:59:32.000 And so he's driving and he falls asleep at the wheel and he goes head first into a tree.

00:59:37.000 Oh Jesus.

00:59:38.000 Cuts his jugular vein and his arm, the veins in his arm.

00:59:42.000 My mom drives to get an ambulance. 0.77

00:59:44.000 He has no cell phones.

00:59:45.000 They come.

00:59:46.000 By the time they get there, he has no vital signs. 1.00

00:59:48.000 He's fucking dead. 1.00

00:59:49.000 Oh my God. 1.00

00:59:50.000 And they brought him back to life and he was in the hospital for like two weeks.

00:59:54.000 Well, how'd they bring him back to life? 0.98

00:59:55.000 I have no fucking idea. 0.97

00:59:57.000 I was like five. 0.98

00:59:59.000 I was like four or five.

01:00:01.000 Jesus.

01:00:02.000 I said they have some stuff they set aside.

01:00:04.000 Yeah.

01:00:04.000 They really like a guy.

01:00:05.000 You're right.

01:00:05.000 And use that Pet Sematary injection.

01:00:08.000 Bring him back.

01:00:09.000 That's right.

01:00:10.000 Bring him back. 0.99

01:00:11.000 Spike him in the chest. 0.97

01:00:12.000 I didn't see the new Pet Sematary.

01:00:14.000 I heard it was eh.

01:00:16.000 Was that based on the Stephen King book?

01:00:18.000 Yeah.

01:00:18.000 The book is great.

01:00:19.000 Yeah.

01:00:20.000 Yeah.

01:00:20.000 The movie, the first movie was alright.

01:00:22.000 It was alright.

01:00:23.000 They're fun.

01:00:24.000 They're campy.

01:00:25.000 The difference between his books and his movies though are so profound.

01:00:28.000 Yeah.

01:00:28.000 His books are terrifying.

01:00:30.000 His books like get to the heart of the worst aspects of human nature and demonic possession.

01:00:37.000 Maximum Overdrive would be a great one to remake now.

01:00:39.000 Yeah, right? 1.00

01:00:39.000 For all the fucking robots or any machine takes over and kills everyone. 1.00

01:00:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:00:44.000 No shit, right? 1.00

01:00:45.000 Yeah, to have it like with modern electric trucks and shit. 1.00

01:00:48.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:00:49.000 The Shining was the only one that was as scary as the book.

01:00:52.000 Well, it was different.

01:00:53.000 Very different than the book.

01:00:55.000 How was it?

01:00:56.000 Yeah, I read the book.

01:00:57.000 The Shining, the movie with Jack Nicholson, apparently bothered Stephen King because Jack Nicholson was on edge from the beginning of the movie.

01:01:05.000 He was always crazy. 0.98

01:01:06.000 He was always just kind of barely fucking hanging on. 0.99

01:01:11.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:01:12.000 That was his whole thing.

01:01:13.000 In the book, the guy clearly becomes mad.

01:01:17.000 He becomes possessed.

01:01:18.000 He's a normal guy who's just struggling.

01:01:20.000 He's trying to be a writer, and he uses this as an opportunity to write, and then the house takes him over.

01:01:25.000 It's more sinister.

01:01:26.000 More of an arc.

01:01:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:28.000 Well, there's nothing you can do.

01:01:31.000 It's him getting pumped up for the scene.

01:01:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:35.000 He's getting fired up.

01:01:36.000 Look at him.

01:01:37.000 Yeah.

01:01:39.000 Was that Kubrick?

01:01:40.000 Yeah.

01:01:41.000 Yeah.

01:01:41.000 Yeah, Kubrick...

01:01:42.000 Look at... 1.00

01:01:42.000 He doesn't want to get killed by a fucking axe. 1.00

01:01:45.000 Axe-wielding Jack Nicholson. 1.00

01:01:46.000 Yeah, I could see that.

01:01:47.000 Once Kubrick takes over, you're not going to have a lot of say in how the thing is directed.

01:01:51.000 Well, not only that, Kubrick put all this moon landing stuff in it.

01:01:55.000 There was all these moon references.

01:01:58.000 Really?

01:01:58.000 Yeah, the kid had an Apollo sweater on.

01:02:01.000 Like, there was...

01:02:01.000 There's someone made a documentary...

01:02:05.000 That was...

01:02:06.000 All the numbers and all the things that are attached to that movie.

01:02:12.000 Room 237, that's what it's about.

01:02:14.000 Because it's 237,000 miles to the moon when they made the launch.

01:02:19.000 So he's got the USA Apollo sweater on, the little boy did.

01:02:21.000 There's a bunch of things.

01:02:24.000 There's a ton of things that Kubrick did on purpose.

01:02:28.000 Because he would put weird stuff like that in his movies.

01:02:31.000 He's a fascinating guy, man.

01:02:33.000 You know, he was like a high-level mathematician. 0.99

01:02:35.000 No shit. 0.99

01:02:36.000 Yeah, he would do high-level mathematics for fun while he wasn't doing movies. 1.00

01:02:41.000 Wow.

01:02:42.000 Yeah, they had an exhibit at LACMA in L.A., a Stanley Kubrick exhibit for like six months. 0.99

01:02:48.000 It was fucking wild. 0.99

01:02:50.000 That place should be flattened. 1.00

01:02:51.000 They should take all the homeless people and move them there. 1.00

01:02:53.000 That place is the biggest abomination of all of Los Angeles. 0.90

01:02:57.000 I went there.

01:02:57.000 There's a clear plastic box that was a piece of art.

01:03:00.000 I went in it.

01:03:01.000 Like, this box is art.

01:03:03.000 It's like, this is the art.

01:03:04.000 This is our art.

01:03:04.000 It's our space.

01:03:05.000 We made this box, and this is our art.

01:03:08.000 Like, what?

01:03:08.000 Like, they have it roped off so you don't sit on the box.

01:03:11.000 It's like a plexiglass box. 0.99

01:03:12.000 Like, get the fuck out of my face with this. 0.99

01:03:14.000 You know what you're doing. 0.99

01:03:15.000 Another piece of art was, like, people throwing basketballs in the net.

01:03:19.000 There was, like, videos of basketballs, like, over and over and over again.

01:03:22.000 People throwing basketballs. 1.00

01:03:23.000 I'm like, hey, hey, hey, fuck you. 1.00

01:03:26.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:03:27.000 I know what you're doing. 1.00

01:03:28.000 I know what you're doing.

01:03:30.000 This is not art.

01:03:31.000 You know this is not art.

01:03:32.000 You know.

01:03:33.000 And there was some art there when there was some of that stuff. 1.00

01:03:36.000 There were some things you're like, hey, fuck you with this box. 1.00

01:03:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:38.000 I know what you're doing. 1.00

01:03:39.000 And you get paid for this?

01:03:40.000 Yeah.

01:03:40.000 Who's paying you?

01:03:41.000 Is this taxpayer funded?

01:03:43.000 Isn't it?

01:03:45.000 Blackma? 0.99

01:03:45.000 Yes. 0.99

01:03:46.000 Yeah, they probably have to pay the people to rent their art. 1.00

01:03:50.000 Bro, the fucking real estate they're living in. 1.00

01:03:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:52.000 I just heard something recently about museums that only something like 7% of most collections are what you see. 1.00

01:03:58.000 There's so much stuff in storage, like cool shit that people might want to see that there's not room for because the buildings aren't big enough.

01:04:05.000 Really? 0.93

01:04:05.000 Lots of instruments, for instance, 300-year-old violins get used by kids because it's... 0.93

01:04:13.000 Cheaper to just keep them in use and send them around than it is to just store it and hope and restore it eventually after it's unused for 25-30 years because of all the old horse hair or whatever it is they used to make each thing.

01:04:24.000 But there's really cool art by probably Da Vinci or who knows what's hidden in some of these places.

01:04:29.000 But people that work there know and get to see some of it.

01:04:31.000 You know what's interesting to me?

01:04:33.000 People that buy dinosaur skeletons.

01:04:36.000 Apparently there's a giant market for them in China.

01:04:39.000 They'll spend like a million dollars And buy a dinosaur skeleton. 1.00

01:04:43.000 You walk in this motherfucker's house. 1.00

01:04:45.000 Fuck your artwork, bitch. 1.00

01:04:47.000 That's pretty badass. 1.00

01:04:48.000 You got a goddamn T-Rex in my living room. 0.99

01:04:49.000 I like that. 1.00

01:04:50.000 Can you imagine?

01:04:51.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:04:51.000 You walk into some guy's palace, some emerald palace, and you open these two fucking teakwood doors, and you see a dinosaur in the middle of his front entrance. 0.96

01:05:03.000 That's what they're going for. 0.98

01:05:04.000 So they're buying these things.

01:05:06.000 Nicholas Cage returns stolen Mongolian dinosaur skull he bought at Gallery.

01:05:12.000 Tyrannosaurus...

01:05:12.000 What is that animal?

01:05:14.000 Tyrannosaurus batar?

01:05:16.000 Have you heard of that?

01:05:16.000 B-A-T-A-A-R? It will be repatriated.

01:05:20.000 Ah, I like that word.

01:05:22.000 After it was bought by the actor from Beverly Hills Gallery in 2007. A T-Rex skull.

01:05:27.000 Wow.

01:05:28.000 Wow.

01:05:29.000 What?

01:05:29.000 He bought it for $276,000.

01:05:32.000 That's a pretty good deal.

01:05:33.000 Well, it was 2007, I think he said.

01:05:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:36.000 Shit wasn't worth as much back then, son. 1.00

01:05:38.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:05:38.000 Nothing stops you in your tracks. 1.00

01:05:41.000 Museum of Natural History is a good fucking dinosaur skeleton. 1.00

01:05:44.000 Especially the ones that eat things. 1.00

01:05:46.000 Like, eat meat. 1.00

01:05:47.000 I don't want that big-ass, stupid, plant-eating brontosaurus. 1.00

01:05:50.000 Get that bitch out of my face. 1.00

01:05:51.000 What is that? 1.00

01:05:51.000 That's a weird elephant. 1.00

01:05:53.000 He's a fucking vegan. 1.00

01:05:54.000 Who wants to hang out with a vegan? 1.00

01:05:55.000 Get him out of here.

01:05:56.000 I'm not scared. 0.83

01:05:57.000 I want to see teeth.

01:05:59.000 Let me see teeth and claws. 1.00

01:06:01.000 What a shit design, huh? 1.00

01:06:02.000 Giant head, little tiny baby arms. 1.00

01:06:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:05.000 What a shit design. 1.00

01:06:06.000 What is he doing with those arms? 1.00

01:06:09.000 What the fuck is the purpose of those arms? 0.99

01:06:11.000 This is the only animal that I can think of that developed that way. 0.99

01:06:16.000 And was he a plant eater?

01:06:18.000 No.

01:06:19.000 T-Rex?

01:06:20.000 Oh, T-Rex.

01:06:21.000 Yeah, I'm thinking of the other one.

01:06:22.000 They don't know if T-Rex was a predator or if T-Rex was a scavenger.

01:06:28.000 They think by the shape...

01:06:29.000 There's some talk that by the shape of his bones, that what he might have been doing was using those bones to crush giant dinosaur bones, and that he might be surviving on dead things.

01:06:40.000 Yeah.

01:06:41.000 And that they also had some speculation that they might have had...

01:06:44.000 They don't know what they really looked like because they don't know the skin color. 0.99

01:06:48.000 They had some speculation that they might have had faces like vultures, like red, fucked up, really brightly colored faces, just to let you know they're disgusting. 1.00

01:06:59.000 When you see vultures, it's not a coincidence that they're the grossest fucking looking animal on the planet and all they eat is dead shit. 1.00

01:07:07.000 And they're big. 1.00

01:07:09.000 Vultures are fucking big. 1.00

01:07:11.000 That's a big animal. 1.00

01:07:12.000 Flopping around with these giant wings.

01:07:14.000 But we're not nearly as impressed by them as we are with an eagle. 0.99

01:07:17.000 You see, like, the vulture's never gonna be that fucking national bird. 1.00

01:07:20.000 Get out of here with that bullshit. 1.00

01:07:22.000 We kill it ourselves, bro. 1.00

01:07:24.000 We're not here for some scavenger-ass, fucked-up, red-faced, stupid bird. 1.00

01:07:29.000 The Smithsonian, I think it opens on the 8th of June. 1.00

01:07:32.000 They have this brand-new, deep-time natural history dinosaur exhibit.

01:07:37.000 And this is some of the highlights of what they have there.

01:07:39.000 They have this T-Rex eating a triceratops.

01:07:43.000 And this giant Irish elk, a saber-toothed cat.

01:07:47.000 Bunch of cool stuff.

01:07:48.000 You're just talking about it.

01:07:49.000 I'm sure they might have some of these answers to the questions you have.

01:07:52.000 And this is where?

01:07:53.000 D.C. Smithsonian.

01:07:54.000 Natural History.

01:07:55.000 When does this come out?

01:07:57.000 It's opening now.

01:07:58.000 They just built it and they're just doing all the press.

01:08:01.000 Seems pretty cool.

01:08:02.000 Yeah, I mean, who owns the dinosaur skeletons?

01:08:04.000 Who owns that?

01:08:05.000 The Smithsonian, I think, is free because it's U.S. taxes.

01:08:09.000 So some of the stuff, I guess, we technically own, I guess.

01:08:12.000 I don't know.

01:08:13.000 Is it D.C. or New York?

01:08:14.000 One of them doesn't charge for any of the museums.

01:08:16.000 I think it might be D.C. Yes, the Smithsonian stuff is all free.

01:08:19.000 When it's open, it should be free.

01:08:21.000 My friend John Dudley knows a dude who owns a ranch in Montana, and they found a T-Rex on his property. 0.99

01:08:26.000 No shit! 0.99

01:08:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:27.000 Wow! 1.00

01:08:28.000 They found a bone.

01:08:30.000 Out there moving around stuff on his property. 0.99

01:08:32.000 Like, what the fuck is this? 0.98

01:08:33.000 Starts cleaning it up. 0.99

01:08:34.000 Finds something.

01:08:35.000 Brings in some paleontologists.

01:08:37.000 They start digging.

01:08:38.000 And they're like, whoa, daddy.

01:08:40.000 Yeah.

01:08:41.000 We got a T-Rex here.

01:08:42.000 Right.

01:08:42.000 Yeah.

01:08:43.000 Yeah, that's a fucking job. 1.00

01:08:45.000 People get obsessed with that and they go, I'm going to be an archaeologist when I get older. 1.00

01:08:49.000 And then you're standing in a fucking desert with a toothbrush for eight hours a day trying to find a bone. 0.99

01:08:56.000 Ch-ch-ch-ch. 1.00

01:08:57.000 Fuck that! 1.00

01:08:59.000 Who was that dude, Sam? 1.00

01:09:00.000 The guy's name from Sam O'Neill?

01:09:02.000 Sam Neill?

01:09:03.000 Sam Neill.

01:09:03.000 Sam Neill from Jurassic Park?

01:09:05.000 Yeah.

01:09:06.000 Nobody wants to be him.

01:09:07.000 Everybody wants to be Jeff Goldblum, the guy who shows up with a sexy jacket and says, um, life finds a way.

01:09:14.000 Huh.

01:09:14.000 It appears.

01:09:15.000 It appears that life finds a way.

01:09:17.000 World's biggest T-Rex discovered.

01:09:18.000 Jesus Christ, what is this?

01:09:20.000 Estimated 19,500 pounds.

01:09:23.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:09:25.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:09:26.000 Damn. 1.00

01:09:27.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:09:28.000 And what can those arms even do? 1.00

01:09:30.000 Look at those things.

01:09:31.000 Yeah, the arms are weird, man.

01:09:32.000 They're so weird. 0.88

01:09:33.000 And look how big the feet and legs are and the giant-ass head. 1.00

01:09:36.000 That's the thing.

01:09:37.000 They're thinking that this wasn't something that chased things down.

01:09:41.000 It just sort of bent over and just jacked whatever was on the ground.

01:09:45.000 Yeah.

01:09:46.000 But I don't know if that's like...

01:09:48.000 I think there was some speculation.

01:09:51.000 We should Google this.

01:09:52.000 Because there was something about the physics of its body...

01:09:55.000 That it wouldn't be able to run fast.

01:09:58.000 Because it's so weirdly shaped. 1.00

01:10:00.000 They're trying to figure out why is its head so big, it has little tiny ass arms, and these big ass legs, this big fucking tail. 1.00

01:10:06.000 Can that thing run? 0.99

01:10:08.000 And then there's also some speculation that the atmosphere was way different back then.

01:10:14.000 And the atmosphere was much more oxygen rich.

01:10:17.000 Maybe things just were different.

01:10:20.000 You think they could run longer and faster?

01:10:22.000 Maybe even the physics of Earth was a little different in terms of the way we interacted with the gravity.

01:10:28.000 We interacted with the atmosphere, rather.

01:10:31.000 The atmosphere held them up somehow or another.

01:10:34.000 It was thicker. 0.98

01:10:37.000 But I read things that I'm high and I don't remember what the fuck I read. 0.92

01:10:39.000 I think this is just saying that it should have been slower maybe than like they were shown in the Jurassic Park. 0.92

01:10:44.000 It wouldn't have been running that fast.

01:10:45.000 Here it says, running would have broken an adult Tyrannosaurus Rex's legs.

01:10:50.000 See, I don't...

01:10:51.000 Okay, Google this.

01:10:54.000 So now we know that there's people that think that he couldn't run because of the shape.

01:10:59.000 Google the atmosphere was different during the Jurassic period.

01:11:07.000 Because there was some...

01:11:09.000 I mean, it might have been horseshit.

01:11:10.000 It was just an article that was written about how, like, we have to take into account the whole world was, like, different. 0.87

01:11:16.000 Before that giant asteroid came and fucked up everything and slammed into Chichen Itza, you know, that...

01:11:23.000 It says that the oxygen levels might have been about 20 to 30% higher during that time period.

01:11:28.000 So it might have been harder to breathe, I guess?

01:11:31.000 I'm not sure.

01:11:32.000 Harder to breathe?

01:11:33.000 A sudden drop in oxygen from roughly 30% of the atmosphere to about 10% may have contributed to mass extinctions.

01:11:39.000 Oh, from the impact, the dinosaurs.

01:11:41.000 So that was one of the things they thought killed.

01:11:43.000 There's a bunch of different ideas they have of how quickly the dinosaurs died off.

01:11:47.000 But one of the more interesting ones that I saw recently was that they all died almost instantly.

01:11:52.000 It says it would have made it more humid with higher levels of carbon dioxide and more likely more cloud cover.

01:11:59.000 It just says gasping for breath.

01:12:00.000 I just keep seeing that stuff.

01:12:01.000 It's just harder to breathe.

01:12:02.000 Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with the way they move, though. 0.98

01:12:06.000 I remember reading something about the way a T-Rex moves, but it's a fucking mystery. 0.91

01:12:11.000 You look at a crocodile, you're like, oh, I get it. 0.99

01:12:13.000 It uses those four legs to get you with his big, fat face.

01:12:16.000 It makes sense.

01:12:17.000 Then you look at a T-Rex, it's like, why are you up in the air like that?

01:12:20.000 Why is your head so big?

01:12:21.000 What's with the little legs? 1.00

01:12:22.000 The ones in the front, what are those things?

01:12:24.000 What's with the arms?

01:12:25.000 What's up with this weird body you have?

01:12:26.000 The weight of that head is illogical. 0.91

01:12:29.000 Giant head.

01:12:29.000 Yeah.

01:12:30.000 It's a crazy head. 1.00

01:12:30.000 He needs to go to Indianapolis, get that thing fucking shaved down. 1.00

01:12:33.000 Yeah, he's an insult. 1.00

01:12:34.000 Maybe that's why he's so mad. 1.00

01:12:37.000 Can't fuck. 1.00

01:12:37.000 Yeah, how did they fuck? 1.00

01:12:38.000 How do they fuck? 1.00

01:12:39.000 How do they fuck? 1.00

01:12:41.000 Jesus Christ, with that tail. 1.00

01:12:42.000 How do you get at the pussy with that tail? 1.00

01:12:44.000 That's a crazy ass tail. 1.00

01:12:46.000 You'd have to come at it from the side. 0.99

01:12:47.000 You'd have to tackle her. 0.95

01:12:49.000 You'd have to blindside her. 0.82

01:12:50.000 Tackle her. 1.00

01:12:51.000 Get a leg up in the air.

01:12:53.000 Get in like that.

01:12:54.000 You'd have to get one of them legs. 1.00

01:12:55.000 But then what the fuck? 0.99

01:12:56.000 You have no arms. 1.00

01:12:57.000 So you can't.

01:12:58.000 No, she can't give you a hand job. 1.00

01:13:00.000 T-Rex tiny arms may have been vicious weapons. 0.52

01:13:03.000 Save it, nerd.

01:13:05.000 Save it, nerd. 1.00

01:13:08.000 What, unlike his fucking giant face filled with huge swords? 1.00

01:13:12.000 He's got a huge head filled with swords. 1.00

01:13:18.000 Oh, they're saying it might be the remnants of little wings of flightless birds.

01:13:23.000 Yeah, that's what I thought I was looking at.

01:13:23.000 I thought maybe at one point I'd heard that one scientist thought those were remnants of wings.

01:13:29.000 Oh, that makes sense.

01:13:30.000 And they weren't actually maybe arms, but they were wings. 0.80

01:13:32.000 Well, that totally makes sense when you think about ostriches and shit like that, that they used to have wings and they turned into those things. 0.55

01:13:37.000 Let me see it again. 1.00

01:13:38.000 Let me see his fucking little shitty arms. 1.00

01:13:41.000 That makes way more sense. 1.00

01:13:43.000 That makes way more sense, that they're the remnants of four wings.

01:13:46.000 Because if you think about what an ostrich looks like, you could kind of morph an ostrich into a T-Rex.

01:13:53.000 Right?

01:13:53.000 Yeah.

01:13:54.000 I mean, they don't have a tail, but they do have those fucked up legs, giant ass legs, and a weird body, and a fucking head. 1.00

01:14:00.000 And when they look at you, they look at you like they look right through you. 1.00

01:14:03.000 Like, you don't mean shit. 0.99

01:14:05.000 Like, if you got run over by a truck in front of an ostrich, they wouldn't even flinch. 1.00

01:14:08.000 They don't give a fuck about you. 0.97

01:14:10.000 And just like a dinosaur, they just have this bird face. 0.99

01:14:14.000 They have zero compassion for you.

01:14:16.000 Yeah, ostriches have no empathy.

01:14:18.000 That's why they have small arms.

01:14:19.000 They never hug anybody. 1.00

01:14:21.000 No, assholes. 1.00

01:14:23.000 All of those fucking creatures that fly around or used to, they can all suck it. 1.00

01:14:30.000 All birds. 1.00

01:14:31.000 All birds are gross.

01:14:32.000 I love when people keep them as pets.

01:14:34.000 See if you can find a bird as a pet.

01:14:37.000 My bird loves me.

01:14:38.000 Yeah, keep your window open.

01:14:39.000 See what happens.

01:14:43.000 T-Rex used to look like Vulture.

01:14:47.000 This is a weird one.

01:14:48.000 They don't even know if they're covered in feathers.

01:14:50.000 They think they might have been covered in feathers.

01:14:52.000 That's a more recent speculation.

01:14:54.000 They think that all dinosaurs were covered in feathers.

01:14:57.000 Wow.

01:14:58.000 Yeah, or most of them.

01:14:59.000 That's why you see chickens.

01:15:02.000 Chicken literally is a dinosaur.

01:15:04.000 Just one that lived.

01:15:07.000 One that made it.

01:15:08.000 Oh, that's one.

01:15:08.000 It's creepy looking.

01:15:11.000 No, there was one where it had a red face.

01:15:13.000 There was some...

01:15:15.000 Yeah, that's it right there.

01:15:16.000 Exactly.

01:15:17.000 Yeah.

01:15:19.000 Yeah.

01:15:19.000 So, yeah, that's how they had it done.

01:15:21.000 With like feathers and shit. 0.99

01:15:23.000 Feathers and a big ol' red face. 1.00

01:15:27.000 I don't know why we're attached to like one idea what that fucking thing looked like. 0.99

01:15:31.000 All we have is bones. 0.99

01:15:32.000 We have no idea what the skin was like.

01:15:35.000 Easily could have been covered in feathers.

01:15:37.000 Isn't it amazing that every kid, I don't know if it's girls too, but every boy gets fascinated with dinosaurs at a certain age.

01:15:44.000 Isn't that weird?

01:15:44.000 Oh yeah.

01:15:45.000 It's like archetypal.

01:15:46.000 There's something deep in your brain that wants to know and connect with dinosaurs when you're like four or five years old. 0.99

01:15:54.000 Because it's such a fucking wild Hail Mary by nature. 0.98

01:15:58.000 And they ruled for so long. 1.00

01:16:01.000 And they were snuffed out by a rock. 1.00

01:16:04.000 Like, if that rock didn't hit Earth, we would be under the rain of these vicious fucking reptiles. 1.00

01:16:12.000 Roaming the planet, eating everything. 1.00

01:16:13.000 We would have never evolved to where we are.

01:16:15.000 We would have been hiding in little holes in the ground.

01:16:17.000 We'd be little mammals.

01:16:18.000 That's as good as you're ever going to get. 1.00

01:16:20.000 You're never going to develop a fucking city. 1.00

01:16:22.000 Good luck, bitch. 1.00

01:16:22.000 There's raptors everywhere. 1.00

01:16:24.000 They're just running around jacking things.

01:16:26.000 You don't think Homo sapiens would have, uh...

01:16:28.000 Never.

01:16:28.000 Never made it.

01:16:29.000 Never got to that part.

01:16:31.000 We were moles for hundreds of millions of years. 1.00

01:16:35.000 We were these weird fucking creatures. 0.98

01:16:38.000 And then, from 65 million years ago, that mole evolved into a human being. 1.00

01:16:43.000 According to these fucking scientists. 1.00

01:16:46.000 All their fancy... 1.00

01:16:47.000 They have an agenda.

01:16:48.000 $65,000 a year that you have to pay for education.

01:16:52.000 Yeah.

01:16:53.000 Uh...

01:16:53.000 This book I was just listening to about music and the brain talked about the first instrument found is this, I think it was like a rib flute of like an elephant or something that's like 50,000 years old.

01:17:04.000 But because it's a flute, they go, that's probably most likely not the first instrument being used because it was probably drums to get to a flute that's making sounds.

01:17:14.000 It's a big evolution.

01:17:15.000 Yeah.

01:17:15.000 Like how farther back do you think they were just using drums before they had language, you know?

01:17:20.000 Oh, that's a good point.

01:17:22.000 The haka in New Zealand, that whole thing.

01:17:24.000 Yeah.

01:17:24.000 Which is just a lot of sounds and grunts.

01:17:26.000 Yeah, screaming. 0.98

01:17:27.000 But that was a way to communicate.

01:17:29.000 Yeah, like, what is the accepted timeline for the invention of language?

01:17:34.000 Let's take a guess.

01:17:35.000 I don't know what it is, but let's take a guess.

01:17:38.000 I want to say language was invented 100,000 years ago.

01:17:42.000 What do you think?

01:17:44.000 I don't even think it's that long.

01:17:46.000 I'm going to say it's 40. I'm going to say language was invented 40,000 years ago.

01:17:50.000 It was Homo sapien, right?

01:17:52.000 Yes, but Homo sapien didn't always have language.

01:17:55.000 Right.

01:17:55.000 Homo sapien, I think, is 250,000 plus years old.

01:17:59.000 There's like the argument from like 250, it gets shaky, to like 350, 400, whatever it could be.

01:18:05.000 But they think somewhere around there.

01:18:07.000 And the other thing is like they intersected with, was it Neanderthal man that came before him?

01:18:12.000 And originally they just thought that one ended and the next one started.

01:18:16.000 Yeah.

01:18:16.000 But then in fact they actually existed together.

01:18:18.000 Right.

01:18:19.000 Yep.

01:18:19.000 For a long time.

01:18:21.000 And they fought.

01:18:22.000 Yep. 1.00

01:18:22.000 And they fucked. 1.00

01:18:23.000 And Neanderthal was around way longer. 0.99

01:18:25.000 Neanderthals survived for half a million years.

01:18:28.000 So Neanderthal was alive way longer than humans have been alive, than modern Homo sapiens.

01:18:34.000 Yeah.

01:18:36.000 What's that?

01:18:37.000 Everything I keep finding just says, like, it starts with ancient Egypt.

01:18:40.000 That can't be right.

01:18:41.000 Maybe written language.

01:18:43.000 That's probably written language.

01:18:44.000 How about spoken language?

01:18:45.000 The origin date of spoken language.

01:18:48.000 Well, Neanderthal was bigger and stronger, but Homo sapien, they organized.

01:18:55.000 Yeah.

01:18:56.000 Well, I would like to know what really happened.

01:18:59.000 Because Neanderthals actually had bigger brains.

01:19:02.000 Oh, really?

01:19:03.000 Yeah, but they're also built way better, way different.

01:19:06.000 So it might have been their bigger brains was to control their much stronger body because they were like 5'7", 250 pounds, like 220 pounds.

01:19:14.000 Yeah, they were built different than us. 0.64

01:19:16.000 Yeah, they were thick-ass bones, man.

01:19:18.000 Like a 5'7", 200-pound man today, like, man, that guy's got to be lifting some weights.

01:19:23.000 It's basically my height.

01:19:24.000 I'm 5'8".

01:19:25.000 I weigh 200 pounds.

01:19:26.000 So I'm built like a Neanderthal.

01:19:28.000 Yeah.

01:19:29.000 Like, legitimately.

01:19:30.000 Yeah.

01:19:30.000 That's what they were all built like.

01:19:31.000 Yeah.

01:19:32.000 That and thicker.

01:19:33.000 Right.

01:19:33.000 But with way denser bones than me.

01:19:35.000 And bigger heads, right?

01:19:36.000 Bigger heads, bigger arms, bigger bones, the bones in the forearm, the arms, the legs, everything was thicker.

01:19:42.000 They were just more sturdy than us.

01:19:44.000 They, like, naturally, like, they didn't have to lift weights. 1.00

01:19:46.000 They would rip your fucking arms off. 0.99

01:19:48.000 They were just built, like, almost like a half a chimp, like, on the way from being, you know, Australia, or, you know, Homo erectus, or Australopithecus, or any of those... 1.00

01:19:58.000 Early man type species.

01:20:01.000 They were in that, you know, they think there was dozens of them.

01:20:05.000 They think there's the ones out of Russia that they found out about.

01:20:07.000 I think they're called Denisovans.

01:20:09.000 There's those little hobbit people that were in the Isle of Flores. 1.00

01:20:15.000 They think there might be ones in those places too.

01:20:18.000 Even in Vietnam, they have one they call the Orang Pendek, I think that's how you say it.

01:20:23.000 And that's like a little monkey man, like a little hairy man that lives in the forest out there.

01:20:30.000 And before this hobbit discovery, which was only like a decade ago, the people that live in the island of Flores, and they found out that there was absolutely...

01:20:39.000 Three foot tall, little hairy people that had stone tools, and they organized, and they lived in these places, and they used fire. 0.95

01:20:47.000 That was a real goddamn thing. 1.00

01:20:49.000 No shit. 1.00

01:20:50.000 Yeah, and they just found that out within the last decade or so. 0.99

01:20:55.000 I mean, how many of them were out there?

01:20:56.000 How many other ones were out there that we just don't have fossils of? 0.85

01:20:59.000 And when you talk to a guy like Graham Hancock, who has that amazing book right there called America Before, fuck, that's a good book.

01:21:05.000 I can't find anything with evidence. 0.73

01:21:06.000 About 10,000 years ago seems to be the most agreed upon potential for spoken language.

01:21:13.000 I think they might only have evidence that goes back that far.

01:21:16.000 There's people that say it probably should go back as far back as 60,000 years, but I don't believe they have any evidence of that to support that.

01:21:24.000 How would you?

01:21:26.000 That's the problem.

01:21:27.000 Well, there's the...

01:21:27.000 When they developed the larynx, the voice box, I think they trace it to that.

01:21:33.000 Yeah.

01:21:34.000 That's the problem with history, right? 0.99

01:21:37.000 Like, who knows what the fuck Lincoln said? 0.98

01:21:39.000 All we know is what Lincoln wrote. 0.99

01:21:42.000 Okay? 1.00

01:21:42.000 When you have Lincoln holding hands with his boyfriend, going for a walk through the garden, bitch, you're just making shit up. 1.00

01:21:48.000 You're making shit up. 1.00

01:21:49.000 Wait, is that a thing now? 1.00

01:21:49.000 Well, there is speculation that Abraham Lincoln was a gay man. 1.00

01:21:53.000 Huh. 0.54

01:21:54.000 And then he slept with a man for long periods of time in the same bed.

01:21:59.000 But apparently people did that very often back then for warmth. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Because, you know, you lived in a place that was made out of wood that you chopped down your fucking self. 0.99

01:22:09.000 I should have been for four years, though. 0.99

01:22:11.000 Listen, it's cold for four years in a row.

01:22:13.000 It'd be tough to share a bed with Lincoln. 0.99

01:22:15.000 He was fucking huge. 0.99

01:22:17.000 Yeah, he's all strong, too. 0.99

01:22:19.000 He's a wrestler.

01:22:20.000 Was he?

01:22:20.000 Yeah.

01:22:21.000 Huh.

01:22:22.000 Yeah, he was an excellent wrestler, supposedly.

01:22:24.000 And he shared a bed with his captain of his bodyguards whenever his wife was away.

01:22:29.000 Hip-hop hooray.

01:22:30.000 Maybe he was cold.

01:22:32.000 I don't know.

01:22:32.000 Hey.

01:22:33.000 It might be both.

01:22:34.000 I mean, you know, we have to, you know, think about it in context, right? 0.87

01:22:38.000 I think if you go back to the Greeks and the Romans, gay sex was way more common. 0.82

01:22:44.000 I mean, it was almost like everybody was half gay, right? 0.98

01:22:48.000 Yeah. 0.77

01:22:49.000 And pedophilia was just a normal thing.

01:22:55.000 Young boys.

01:22:56.000 Like if you read Socrates, you read the history of him or of a lot of scholars and like really respected thinkers, they had young boys that they would bang.

01:23:08.000 So what today is a horrific crime against humanity was completely normal back then.

01:23:16.000 So when did that stop?

01:23:19.000 When did dudes just stop banging dudes? 1.00

01:23:21.000 And did they just kind of do it and not talk about it? 0.96

01:23:24.000 It seems like Christianity first brought about the shame, the sexual shame that we have today. 0.96

01:23:31.000 So I would probably trace it back to like 2,000 years ago.

01:23:38.000 Here's a question.

01:23:39.000 How much of being gay is stopped by society's expectations?

01:23:46.000 Like what is the percentage of people who are actually gay who just can't act on it because it just – whether their mom or their religion or their church they go to or they got married and they had kids but they really want to be gay. 0.77

01:24:02.000 How much of that exists today?

01:24:05.000 Like, what percentage?

01:24:06.000 Out of all the gay activity, if you could put it on a pie chart... 1.00

01:24:10.000 You mean how many more gay people would there be if they didn't conform to social pressures? 1.00

01:24:16.000 Yeah, if there's no expectations from religion, no expectations from your community...

01:24:20.000 I'd be in.

01:24:21.000 Would you be in? 1.00

01:24:22.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:24:23.000 Do you think you'd be a top or a bottom? 1.00

01:24:25.000 Top.

01:24:25.000 That's what everybody thinks.

01:24:28.000 I'd be a screaming bottom.

01:24:32.000 A lot of crying.

01:24:34.000 Waterboarding.

01:24:34.000 I'd be a running bottom.

01:24:36.000 It would be just like when you were waterboarding. 0.99

01:24:38.000 You'd be fucking spasming uncontrollably. 0.93

01:24:45.000 And it turns out that's what a lot of the guys are into, unfortunately. 0.99

01:24:49.000 That's the biggest kink in the community. 1.00

01:24:52.000 Waterboarding and getting buttfucked. 0.99

01:24:56.000 Getting buttfucked by waterboarding. 0.99

01:24:59.000 It's the new black waterboarding. 0.99

01:25:04.000 It's the new thing.

01:25:06.000 Yeah, it's the rage.

01:25:07.000 It's all the rage.

01:25:08.000 Nipple clamps and... 0.68

01:25:10.000 Did you ever watch Orange is the New Black?

01:25:13.000 A couple times.

01:25:14.000 Was it any good?

01:25:15.000 It's not bad.

01:25:16.000 I just...

01:25:16.000 I didn't...

01:25:22.000 Dude.

01:25:24.000 Dude.

01:25:37.000 Really?

01:25:38.000 Yeah, and she talked about they were all victims. 0.99

01:25:40.000 We were talking about earlier about women who were abused, and every fucking one of them was abused, sexually, physically. 0.99

01:25:49.000 Almost all of them are in jail because of a guy. 0.99

01:25:52.000 They were carrying drugs for a guy. 0.99

01:25:54.000 They fucking killed a guy because he kept attacking her. 1.00

01:25:58.000 It was pretty rare. 1.00

01:26:01.000 And a lot of it was obviously drug use, but that stems from usually childhood abuse.

01:26:06.000 Yeah.

01:26:08.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:26:09.000 But for a lot of them, my mom said it was the best environment they'd ever lived in because there was a solidarity among a lot of the women. 0.98

01:26:17.000 There was a lot of support.

01:26:18.000 There was education.

01:26:19.000 There were support groups.

01:26:21.000 And they developed relationships with women without men around.

01:26:26.000 And so they were able to foster and nurture real female-empowered relationships. 1.00

01:26:33.000 Yeah.

01:26:34.000 That's so sad and cool at the same time.

01:26:38.000 It's sad, but it's like, well, it's nice that something is working out for them.

01:26:42.000 Women in jail seem to have a way better time of it than men in jail. 1.00

01:26:48.000 It just seems like a better deal.

01:26:49.000 I think so.

01:26:50.000 You're probably not getting beat up as much.

01:26:53.000 Isn't there a new reality show about women in jail where they're following these women in jail? 1.00

01:26:57.000 It's not just women. 1.00

01:26:58.000 It's mostly women. 1.00

01:26:59.000 I saw it.

01:26:59.000 It's called Jailbirds on Netflix.

01:27:01.000 I watched the first episode.

01:27:02.000 Yes, that's right.

01:27:03.000 Is that good?

01:27:03.000 It's not bad.

01:27:04.000 Yeah, it follows them in the Sacramento jail where they're in holding. 0.95

01:27:07.000 It seems like there's so many fucking shows about people in jail that it must be like prisoners must get agents now. 0.98

01:27:13.000 Oh, my God. 0.98

01:27:14.000 I got an offer from MSNBC for lockup.

01:27:17.000 Greg, they like you, but they'd like you to just get some face tattoos.

01:27:22.000 They'll put you on A&E. A&E. Bad guys show.

01:27:28.000 Bad guys in jail.

01:27:29.000 Greg Fitzsimmons.

01:27:32.000 We're giving you a two-year option.

01:27:34.000 But I'm only in here for one.

01:27:35.000 You follow golf, right?

01:27:37.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:27:37.000 I wanted to talk to you about this because it's so ridiculous. 0.98

01:27:39.000 I saw this guy got suspended from his serious golf show because he was talking about the LPGA. And he goes, who's going to win the LPGA? He goes, let me go out on a limb and say it's going to be a Korean. 0.99

01:27:54.000 Because apparently Koreans win a lot of them. 1.00

01:27:56.000 70% of the LPGA is Korean.

01:27:58.000 Exactly.

01:27:58.000 Crazy.

01:27:59.000 And then he said, he goes, pick a name. 0.88

01:28:01.000 He goes, is it Lee?

01:28:02.000 He goes, how many Lees do we have that entered?

01:28:05.000 And it's like six Lees.

01:28:06.000 Six Lees.

01:28:07.000 He goes, there's six Lees.

01:28:08.000 They said he was racist and sexist, and they suspended him for those comments.

01:28:13.000 Like, first of all...

01:28:14.000 It's not bad to win, okay?

01:28:16.000 When he's saying, who do you think is going to win?

01:28:19.000 Probably a Korean. 0.99

01:28:20.000 Well, that's good. 1.00

01:28:21.000 That means the Koreans kick ass at golf. 1.00

01:28:24.000 That's not fucking racist. 1.00

01:28:25.000 It's not racist to say that. 0.96

01:28:27.000 It's also not racist to say, maybe their name is Lee.

01:28:31.000 Because there's a lot of Lee's.

01:28:32.000 That's not racist.

01:28:34.000 That's accurate.

01:28:35.000 Turns out there were six Lee's.

01:28:36.000 Like, come on, folks.

01:28:38.000 We're not saying anything bad.

01:28:39.000 You're talking about something that everybody loves, which is golf.

01:28:42.000 You all love it.

01:28:43.000 That's why you're listening to golf radio. 1.00

01:28:45.000 And you're talking about an impoverished country that has found a way, like black people found boxing, or Irish guys found the fucking police force. 0.99

01:28:56.000 You find something to rise up out of. 0.99

01:28:58.000 Well, Koreans work hard.

01:29:00.000 I mean, I guarantee you that's part of it.

01:29:02.000 It's a part of the culture.

01:29:04.000 I had a very good friend of mine that I've talked about many times in this podcast who was a U.S. national champ while he was in medical school.

01:29:10.000 National Taekwondo champ.

01:29:11.000 Wow.

01:29:12.000 And I realized how hard some people were.

01:29:14.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:15.000 Jung Sik Chang. 0.55

01:29:16.000 That was his name. 1.00

01:29:16.000 Damn. 1.00

01:29:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:18.000 Great guy.

01:29:19.000 One of my favorite people I've ever met.

01:29:20.000 I loved him to death.

01:29:21.000 I don't know why it's women, but in men's golf, and men's golf is very international now.

01:29:26.000 It's never had more players from around the world, but not a lot of Koreans.

01:29:31.000 There's like a Japanese guy who's way up top, and there's another Korean guy who's good, but nothing like LPGA. That's interesting. 1.00

01:29:37.000 I didn't know anything about Koreans in golf before I saw that.

01:29:42.000 But we have to make a differentiation between something that is about a race and something that's racist.

01:29:51.000 This is not negative.

01:29:53.000 You're literally talking about a positive thing.

01:29:57.000 They're winners.

01:29:59.000 Don't you want to win?

01:30:00.000 You're trying to win, right?

01:30:01.000 Well, they win a lot.

01:30:02.000 They're awesome at it.

01:30:04.000 They're not cheating. 0.99

01:30:05.000 They're just kicking ass. 1.00

01:30:07.000 They're better at golf. 0.99

01:30:08.000 And some of them are named Lee.

01:30:10.000 There's nothing racist here!

01:30:11.000 This is not racist.

01:30:12.000 They're upset because the ratings for the LPGA are way down because they want to see Americans playing.

01:30:19.000 Yeah.

01:30:21.000 Is that what it is?

01:30:22.000 Yeah, it's a big issue because of ratings.

01:30:24.000 So you think his attitude is racist because he's like mocking it because Koreans are winning it so he doesn't care?

01:30:31.000 I don't know that that's his intention.

01:30:33.000 That's inferring a lot, right?

01:30:34.000 No, I don't think it's his intention.

01:30:35.000 I think there's a sensitivity about it because it's become an issue.

01:30:40.000 I get that.

01:30:41.000 I get that.

01:30:42.000 That makes sense.

01:30:43.000 But it just doesn't make sense if you're just going off what he said. 0.90

01:30:47.000 What I'm getting is you're being super fucking sensitive with how you treat people that are talking about winners. 0.75

01:30:55.000 That's the case with Filipinos and pool. 0.96

01:30:59.000 Filipinos are some of the greatest pool players of all time.

01:31:01.000 Some of my all-time favorite pool players are from the Philippines.

01:31:07.000 Francisco Bustamante, Efren Reyes, Rodolfo Luat, Alex Pagulayan, some of the greatest of all time.

01:31:15.000 Dennis Orculo.

01:31:17.000 All those guys were Filipino.

01:31:19.000 They're the top of the food chain, man. 1.00

01:31:21.000 When you saw those guys playing the tournament, you're like, fuck. 1.00

01:31:24.000 You knew they were winning. 0.99

01:31:25.000 I mean, Efren Reyes won everything.

01:31:27.000 Bustamante won everything. 1.00

01:31:28.000 These guys are murderers.

01:31:30.000 And if you said, like, who's going to win this tournament? 1.00

01:31:33.000 Probably a Filipino. 0.98

01:31:34.000 Everybody would start laughing.

01:31:35.000 Like, yep, probably.

01:31:36.000 It wouldn't be a negative.

01:31:38.000 It'd be a positive.

01:31:39.000 They're some of the best in the world at pool.

01:31:42.000 That's not racist.

01:31:44.000 That's accurate.

01:31:45.000 Yeah.

01:31:45.000 Now, what is it with MMA? What are the big nationalities?

01:31:50.000 That's a good question.

01:31:51.000 Russians? 0.99

01:31:52.000 Russians are murdering it right now. 1.00

01:31:54.000 There's a lot of badass Russians. 0.99

01:31:55.000 Wherever life is hard, you're going to find fighters.

01:31:58.000 And you're going to find people that survive where life is hard and thrive.

01:32:02.000 And that's how you get a Khabib Nurmagomedov. 1.00

01:32:04.000 You get a hard motherfucker who knows how to fight and then he scares shit. 0.99

01:32:09.000 Same thing with Conor McGregor. 1.00

01:32:10.000 You get a hard neighborhood, a hard life.

01:32:13.000 Growing up in Dublin, dangerous.

01:32:15.000 Fighting since he was young.

01:32:17.000 That's how you get these beasts.

01:32:19.000 But a lot of American MMA guys come from...

01:32:22.000 Wrestling.

01:32:22.000 Or the military, right?

01:32:24.000 Yeah, some of them.

01:32:24.000 Some of them from the military.

01:32:26.000 It's rare.

01:32:27.000 We had Special Forces guy like Tim Kennedy, of course, who's probably one of the most famous.

01:32:31.000 Brian Stan, also a military veteran.

01:32:35.000 And you look at these guys that are...

01:32:37.000 The guys that are capable of being SEALs or Rangers or Green Berets, they're just elite humans.

01:32:44.000 They're people that know how to do things and push themselves in a way that other people don't.

01:32:48.000 Sometimes that translates over the fighting and sometimes it doesn't.

01:32:52.000 Sometimes they just don't have the physical capability of it.

01:32:54.000 They might have the mindset to survive war.

01:32:57.000 And the ability to get through buds and to get through grueling physical training, but he ain't beating Jon Jones.

01:33:04.000 There's levels to this thing.

01:33:06.000 There's genetic levels.

01:33:07.000 Jon Jones has some of the best genetics ever and then uses them as good as anybody that's ever existed.

01:33:13.000 Best at controlling distance of all time.

01:33:16.000 He's got two brothers that are NFL players, so this is like super genetics in the household.

01:33:21.000 Both his brothers are NFL stars.

01:33:23.000 That's amazing.

01:33:24.000 And he's the baddest light heavyweight of all time.

01:33:27.000 And he's smart.

01:33:28.000 So it's not just physical.

01:33:29.000 It's also intellectual.

01:33:31.000 He also sets traps for people.

01:33:33.000 He measures them.

01:33:34.000 He sees what they're doing.

01:33:35.000 And he feels them weakening.

01:33:36.000 He pressures them.

01:33:37.000 He puts heavy pressure on people.

01:33:38.000 He knows when to ebb and flow.

01:33:40.000 He's just a genius at fighting.

01:33:42.000 Do lightweights have longer careers?

01:33:44.000 No.

01:33:44.000 No, I would say the opposite.

01:33:46.000 I would say the bigger guys actually have...

01:33:49.000 They can compete at a higher level deep into their 30s and even 40s.

01:33:53.000 Like Randy Couture, I think he re-won the heavyweight title when he was 42. Because I would think there'd be more knockouts with heavyweights.

01:34:01.000 There's a lot of knockouts with heavyweights.

01:34:03.000 But their bodies maintain...

01:34:08.000 What got him to the dance later in life.

01:34:10.000 Like George Foreman.

01:34:11.000 George Foreman won the heavyweight title.

01:34:13.000 I think he was 46 when he knocked out Michael Moore.

01:34:17.000 He's like the oldest ever heavyweight champion.

01:34:20.000 And that's just unheard of at welterweight.

01:34:23.000 You're not going to see 46-year-old welterweights winning the world title against Earl Spence Jr. or something like that.

01:34:29.000 You're just not going to see that.

01:34:29.000 He's 43. He was 43?

01:34:31.000 Randy was, yeah.

01:34:32.000 And find out how old George Foreman was when he knocked out Michael Moore.

01:34:35.000 So that's crazy.

01:34:36.000 That's crazy old, 43. You don't see that at 125 pounds. 0.55

01:34:39.000 You just don't.

01:34:40.000 You just don't.

01:34:42.000 At 125 pounds, no one wins the title at 43 years old.

01:34:45.000 So just the mass almost helps you survive.

01:34:47.000 Something like that.

01:34:49.000 I also think they lose less as they get older.

01:34:52.000 He was 45. So yeah, George Foreman was the oldest ever heavyweight champion at 45. Crazy.

01:34:58.000 Wow.

01:34:59.000 That is so unusual as a middleweight.

01:35:02.000 The only one who maintained a world championship caliber skill set deep into his 40s was Bernard Hopkins and Archie Moore when Archie Moore was younger.

01:35:13.000 We're talking about the Rocky Marciano days.

01:35:16.000 He fought deep into his 40s as well, but he was just a real crafty veteran.

01:35:20.000 He actually also trained George Foreman, which is very interesting.

01:35:23.000 So that crafty veteran trained George Foreman to be a crafty veteran and maintain his power.

01:35:30.000 He had a real unusual, I don't know if you remember, but George Foreman used to almost put his hands up like he didn't know how to fight.

01:35:36.000 Like, don't hit me, don't hit me, don't hit me.

01:35:38.000 Almost like that, but that was his defense.

01:35:40.000 He would move forward like this because he was so big.

01:35:45.000 He was such an enormous man with these enormous arms.

01:35:48.000 So when he would stack them on top of each other and walk towards you like that, it was this weird offense.

01:35:53.000 And he learned that from Archie Moore.

01:35:55.000 Part of his defense, holding his hands up in a weird way, he learned from Archie Moore.

01:36:00.000 Right.

01:36:01.000 Well, you know, the oldest hockey player in the NHL is also the biggest.

01:36:07.000 Six foot eight.

01:36:08.000 The guy Zidane Achara on the Bruins.

01:36:10.000 How old is he?

01:36:12.000 43. What's that name?

01:36:14.000 What is his name?

01:36:15.000 Zidane Achara.

01:36:16.000 He's Slovakian.

01:36:17.000 Yeah, that dude was from the Lord of the Rings.

01:36:20.000 Listen to that name.

01:36:21.000 They gave birth to him in a meadow.

01:36:24.000 They rode a horse out there.

01:36:26.000 There was destiny.

01:36:27.000 They predicted how long he'd play when he was young. 1.00

01:36:28.000 Midwives and shit. 1.00

01:36:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:30.000 There's that name.

01:36:31.000 There he is.

01:36:32.000 He came out and ate his own. 1.00

01:36:32.000 He was like a fucking Viking. 1.00

01:36:33.000 He's an animal. 1.00

01:36:35.000 And he fights?

01:36:35.000 Oh yeah.

01:36:36.000 I saw this one fight where he hit a guy and the guy kind of took a dive and he leaned down and picked him up with one hand and started punching him with the other.

01:36:46.000 Lifted him off the ice with one hand. 0.98

01:36:48.000 I saw one thing that a guy did that's really fucked up. 0.97

01:36:52.000 A guy hip-tossed a dude. 0.97

01:36:55.000 He judo threw him.

01:36:56.000 Like, he swept him. 1.00

01:36:58.000 Like, he grabbed a hold of him, swept his leg out, kicked his leg out like an Uchimata, and slammed his fucking head onto the ground. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:37:05.000 It was rough. 1.00

01:37:06.000 Yeah.

01:37:06.000 Yeah, I was like, man, that ain't the same as fighting.

01:37:10.000 Like, you know you're on ice.

01:37:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:13.000 I mean, no one told him he couldn't do it, but he used some really fucking sneaky shit. 1.00

01:37:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:18.000 You know? 1.00

01:37:20.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 Yeah, the fighting in the NHL, it's funny, there's really great clips of guys talking to each other before fights, and it's amazingly calm.

01:37:30.000 They literally go like, hey, you want to go?

01:37:33.000 And the guy will be like, y'all go.

01:37:35.000 And then they fight.

01:37:37.000 And then as soon as the other guy goes, yeah, they just throw their gloves down and they start fighting.

01:37:42.000 It's all part of the game. 0.98

01:37:44.000 It's all fucking orchestrated. 0.98

01:37:45.000 And there's players that fight and there's players that don't. 0.99

01:37:47.000 And if you're on the ice with another goon, then it's expected that you guys are going to fight at some point. 0.96

01:37:53.000 Jesus.

01:37:54.000 Yeah.

01:37:55.000 What a crazy way to make a living.

01:37:56.000 Bare knuckle fighting on slippery floor.

01:37:59.000 Yeah, but you know, they don't get hit that much because they get the jersey up.

01:38:03.000 They do.

01:38:03.000 They get hit enough, though.

01:38:04.000 I've been watching dudes who have skills now.

01:38:07.000 You're seeing way more guys who have boxing skill doing this.

01:38:11.000 Guys who land short uppercuts and left hooks where you're like, oh my god, that guy turned that punch over.

01:38:16.000 That guy knows how to punch.

01:38:17.000 Yeah, there's not as many overhands. 0.53

01:38:19.000 All you're doing with the overhand is hitting the guy in the helmet with your fist.

01:38:23.000 Yeah, the flailing.

01:38:24.000 Sometimes you don't see that. 0.99

01:38:25.000 Sometimes you're seeing guys who throw fucking straight punches. 0.99

01:38:27.000 Yeah, right. 0.99

01:38:29.000 You don't know how to fight, and then this guy knows how to do that while he's on.

01:38:32.000 Yeah, this one.

01:38:33.000 Look at this.

01:38:34.000 Boom, boom, boom.

01:38:37.000 That's a good KO. And then he gives him one while he's going down.

01:38:41.000 And then he goes down.

01:38:42.000 He's out cold.

01:38:43.000 Yeah.

01:38:45.000 Boom, boom, bang! 0.77

01:38:47.000 Look at that.

01:38:48.000 Yeah, he punches right from the shoulder.

01:38:51.000 Oh yeah, that guy can punch. 0.65

01:38:53.000 You're punching in the face while he's punching you in the face too.

01:38:56.000 It's chaos.

01:38:57.000 It's a terrible way to punch people.

01:38:58.000 Not only a great fighter, one of the best players in the league.

01:39:01.000 Is he really?

01:39:02.000 And also a great fighter?

01:39:03.000 Wow.

01:39:04.000 That's a crazy sport, man.

01:39:06.000 It doesn't get enough love.

01:39:07.000 Get the average person to name a famous hockey player who's currently playing.

01:39:11.000 I know.

01:39:12.000 This is the same guy.

01:39:13.000 This crazy thing happened this year.

01:39:14.000 This is an insane video to watch.

01:39:16.000 I can't show it.

01:39:17.000 People at home might have seen this, but the puck literally flies and hits him right in the face, and he barely moves.

01:39:24.000 I should show it again in slow motion right here.

01:39:26.000 Check to see if his teeth got knocked out.

01:39:28.000 Oh, man.

01:39:29.000 He got pucked right in the mug.

01:39:31.000 Yeah.

01:39:33.000 Bro, that is hard.

01:39:35.000 Wow, that guy can take it. 1.00

01:39:36.000 Fuck hitting that, dude. 1.00

01:39:37.000 This is insane. 1.00

01:39:38.000 Dude, do you know the fucking Bruins, and they actually dropped game one last night against the Blues, but the Bruins are set to win the Stanley Cup, which means Boston will win the fucking Super Bowl, the World Series, and the Stanley Cup in one year. 1.00

01:39:52.000 And remember when we lived there, they couldn't win shit? 1.00

01:39:54.000 It was like they had such an inferiority complex. 0.99

01:39:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:58.000 And they would get close.

01:39:59.000 The Celtics were good.

01:39:59.000 They had Larry Bird and Danny Ainge.

01:40:01.000 But now they have it forever.

01:40:03.000 When was the last time the Yankees won the World Series?

01:40:05.000 How long ago was that?

01:40:07.000 2008?

01:40:10.000 So it's been 11 years.

01:40:12.000 I could be way off on that.

01:40:14.000 But they still have it.

01:40:15.000 They're still the Yankees.

01:40:16.000 But for the Red Sox, they never pulled it off.

01:40:20.000 And then that Bill Buckner thing.

01:40:21.000 Bill Buckner just died.

01:40:22.000 I know.

01:40:24.000 So sad.

01:40:25.000 And that's the thing about being in Boston, because I grew up a Mets fan.

01:40:28.000 We had season tickets to the Mets since I was a little kid. 0.99

01:40:30.000 And so when they got into the World Series and I was going to school in Boston, surrounded by mass holes, watching these fucking games, and they're just... 0.99

01:40:38.000 I'm sorry, if you're from Boston, take it the fuck easy about your sports. 0.99

01:40:43.000 They're so... 0.94

01:40:44.000 Like last night with the Bruins game, they boo the entire...

01:40:50.000 They introduced the Blues. 1.00

01:40:51.000 They boo every fucking player. 1.00

01:40:53.000 It's just... 1.00

01:40:54.000 It's barbaric.

01:40:55.000 They're animals.

01:41:12.000 It took a bad hop.

01:41:14.000 Watch the video.

01:41:14.000 It took a bad hop.

01:41:16.000 And he missed it. 1.00

01:41:17.000 And they fucking... 0.99

01:41:18.000 There were death threats. 1.00

01:41:20.000 They dropped him that year.

01:41:21.000 He went down to Pawtucket in Rhode Island to play in the minors. 0.99

01:41:25.000 They showed up there and fucking terrorized him. 0.99

01:41:27.000 He had to move out to Arizona to hide. 1.00

01:41:30.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:41:30.000 Because of these fucking Boston fans. 1.00

01:41:32.000 I remember people walking the streets. 1.00

01:41:35.000 What year was that?

01:41:36.000 84?

01:41:37.000 86. 86?

01:41:38.000 I remember people walking the streets...

01:41:41.000 They'd just be walking around the neighborhood with their hands in their hair. 1.00

01:41:44.000 Like, fuck! 1.00

01:41:46.000 Yeah, after they lost? 1.00

01:41:47.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:41:47.000 Yeah, just walking the streets, man. 1.00

01:41:49.000 People were so mad.

01:41:50.000 It was all anybody wanted to talk about.

01:41:52.000 Right.

01:41:53.000 Because they hadn't won a World Series since 2017 or something?

01:41:57.000 Oh, it was crazy.

01:41:58.000 I was already over...

01:41:59.000 I mean, 2019-17.

01:42:00.000 Yeah, 1917. I was already over baseball at that point.

01:42:03.000 I wasn't interested in baseball anymore.

01:42:05.000 So for me, it was really fascinating to watch.

01:42:07.000 Yeah.

01:42:08.000 Watch these people.

01:42:08.000 Because I had grown from...

01:42:10.000 Caring about baseball to being obsessed with martial arts.

01:42:13.000 And that was in the...

01:42:15.000 I got obsessed with martial arts in like 81. So by the time 86 rolled around, I was like, what the fuck are you people paying attention to? 0.98

01:42:21.000 Some guy dropped a ball? 0.98

01:42:23.000 You gonna be okay?

01:42:23.000 Yeah.

01:42:24.000 Like, what is this?

01:42:25.000 Not only that, but that same year, I believe it was that same year, the...

01:42:30.000 The Mets.

01:42:31.000 That same year the Patriots lost to the Bears in the Super Bowl and it was one of the biggest blowouts in Super Bowl history.

01:42:39.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

01:42:39.000 So they were riding off of that too.

01:42:41.000 It was rough times.

01:42:42.000 Rough times for Boston.

01:42:43.000 I don't want to live there because I can't deal with the cold. 1.00

01:42:48.000 I'm too much of a pussy these days. 1.00

01:42:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:50.000 But I love those fucking animals. 1.00

01:42:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:53.000 Oh, Boston's the best. 0.95

01:42:54.000 I fucking love Boston. 0.96

01:42:56.000 They're different, man. 0.98

01:42:57.000 Yep, yep.

01:42:57.000 They're characters.

01:42:58.000 They're different.

01:42:59.000 Growing up there, I think for both of us to start, and to start our comedy careers there, I think was insanely valuable.

01:43:05.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:43:05.000 Because they're not taking any bullshit there. 0.92

01:43:07.000 They're not taking any half-assed act that's slow and meandering and self-absorbed. 0.97

01:43:13.000 Not happening.

01:43:14.000 No.

01:43:15.000 And it's still like that.

01:43:16.000 It's still like that.

01:43:16.000 I was just there.

01:43:17.000 And it's like, they don't...

01:43:19.000 Here's what it is.

01:43:20.000 When you walk on stage in Boston, the audience doesn't automatically, by default, give you credit for being in charge.

01:43:27.000 Right.

01:43:28.000 You have to earn it every time.

01:43:29.000 Yep. 1.00

01:43:30.000 Your first joke in Boston is fucking clutch. 0.99

01:43:33.000 You gotta get up there and get a laugh fast. 0.99

01:43:35.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:43:35.000 It's fucking cold there in the winter. 0.98

01:43:37.000 It makes harder people. 0.99

01:43:38.000 Yeah, that's right. 0.99

01:43:39.000 It makes people that know how to get past that fucking hump. 0.99

01:43:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:44.000 That's a three-month hump where it sucks. 0.86

01:43:47.000 You remember that. 0.98

01:43:49.000 Yeah, it's brutal.

01:43:50.000 December. 0.99

01:43:51.000 It's fucking windy. 0.99

01:43:52.000 Getting down to Stitches on fucking Com Ave. 1.00

01:43:55.000 It's fucking freezing. 1.00

01:43:56.000 Waiting for the tea. 0.99

01:43:58.000 Just trembling while you wait for the train.

01:44:00.000 Outdoors. 1.00

01:44:00.000 How about a fucking underground subway? 1.00

01:44:02.000 No. 1.00

01:44:03.000 Outside.

01:44:04.000 Outside.

01:44:06.000 No underground. 1.00

01:44:06.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:44:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:08.000 Everybody's smushed together.

01:44:09.000 Everybody's freezing. 0.99

01:44:09.000 Every time the door opens, everyone's fucking freezing. 0.99

01:44:11.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1.00

01:44:12.000 You get in your car in the morning to start it. 1.00

01:44:14.000 Like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1.00

01:44:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:18.000 So cold.

01:44:19.000 And then they also have the...

01:44:20.000 It's an immigrant city, too.

01:44:22.000 You know, they had all the Italians and the Irish. 0.96

01:44:25.000 They all came in and they fucking fought it out over real estate, where they were going to live, who's going to get the union jobs. 0.97

01:44:31.000 And it created a very tough... 0.97

01:44:33.000 It's like Philly or the Bronx.

01:44:35.000 There's just cities where they had that fighting at the turn of the century.

01:44:39.000 Yeah, and I think it was the magical ingredient for stand-up.

01:44:44.000 That's part of the magical ingredient.

01:44:46.000 The magical ingredient wasn't just that there was guys like Barry Crimmins and Lenny Clark and Steve Sweeney and Don Gavin and Mike Donovan and all these brilliant comedians that we saw that we were so lucky to see.

01:44:56.000 It was also that their audiences were savages.

01:45:00.000 So they're like, great!

01:45:02.000 How about another joke?

01:45:03.000 You know, great!

01:45:04.000 How about another one?

01:45:05.000 Like, they're like, keep coming!

01:45:06.000 Keep coming with the jokes!

01:45:07.000 Right.

01:45:08.000 Jokes!

01:45:08.000 Like, they want joke, joke, joke.

01:45:10.000 Like, those guys, like, when you'd watch, like, Lenny Clark murder a room, there was no, no one's getting a break.

01:45:16.000 There's no breathing room.

01:45:17.000 Yeah.

01:45:18.000 You're just getting pounded.

01:45:19.000 Yeah. 0.70

01:45:19.000 You're just smashing you. 0.70

01:45:20.000 Right.

01:45:20.000 Like, those guys developed in that style where people just were constantly wanting to be amused.

01:45:26.000 Like...

01:45:27.000 Let's go! 1.00

01:45:27.000 Let's go with the fucking meandering! 1.00

01:45:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:45:30.000 And they want it with attitude.

01:45:33.000 They want anti-authoritarian attitude.

01:45:36.000 It was always like, I remember Kenny Rogerson's joke of like, I remember, I'm not saying I was drinking a lot, but I drove into a lake.

01:45:45.000 Got pulled over by the Coast Guard.

01:45:47.000 They said, have you been drinking?

01:45:49.000 I go, I'm in a lake. 1.00

01:45:56.000 It was always just fuck you to authority. 1.00

01:45:59.000 Everything was like, so I'm doing a bump. 1.00

01:46:02.000 Everything was like doing lines and drinking and chaos.

01:46:06.000 John Tobin, who runs the Laugh Boston, he's telling me this story. 1.00

01:46:10.000 He's a fucking... 1.00

01:46:11.000 If you ever want to hear Gavin stories for an hour straight, go to lunch with John Tobin and bring a fucking handkerchief. 1.00

01:46:16.000 Because he's got Don Gavin stories. 0.98

01:46:19.000 He's talking about how Gavin, who likes to drink white Russians, does a late show and goes up there and repeats a joke.

01:46:25.000 And he walks off stage and one of the comedians goes, Don, you said the same joke twice up there.

01:46:32.000 And he goes, record six.

01:46:40.000 Imagine saying the same joke six times.

01:46:43.000 Oh my god.

01:46:44.000 How drunk are you? 0.99

01:46:45.000 You're like on death's door. 0.99

01:46:47.000 You're like rubbing your face on the door of death.

01:46:50.000 Like, hello, let me in. 0.99

01:46:52.000 But it's also the not giving a shit that he did it six times. 1.00

01:46:55.000 Oh, he didn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:46:55.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:46:56.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:46:57.000 He still didn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:46:58.000 Last time I saw him, still Don Gavin. 0.99

01:47:00.000 Has it slowed down.

01:47:01.000 Drinking one hand.

01:47:02.000 Big smile on his face.

01:47:03.000 He's always been my favorite.

01:47:04.000 He's one of the greatest of all time, in my opinion.

01:47:07.000 From what I've seen, I mean, he was so sharp in the 80s and the early 90s when we were around.

01:47:13.000 He was so sharp.

01:47:15.000 His punchlines would come one after the other and you didn't see him coming and they would just catch you off guard.

01:47:21.000 Little offbeat punchlines.

01:47:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:47:23.000 Little throwaways.

01:47:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:24.000 Like throwaway line that was like some of the funniest shit you ever heard. 0.99

01:47:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:27.000 That whole bit that he used to do about going to a salad bar. 0.99

01:47:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:30.000 Oh, my God.

01:47:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:32.000 He was a murderer.

01:47:33.000 He goes, up front, they got chickpeas. 0.99

01:47:35.000 In the back, you got the lobster giving you the finger.

01:47:41.000 We're just so lucky, man.

01:47:42.000 We're so lucky we got to experience that.

01:47:44.000 Because I think it's so different out here now.

01:47:47.000 Like where we're at now is like...

01:47:51.000 If comedy was an education, we're hanging around with a bunch of tenured professors, right?

01:47:56.000 In LA? Yeah.

01:47:58.000 Everyone's got tenure.

01:47:59.000 Whether it's Jessel Neck or Neil Brennan or you.

01:48:04.000 It's just a gang of headliners.

01:48:06.000 Like a swamp of headliners.

01:48:09.000 But when we were doing it, man, it was...

01:48:13.000 So uncertain.

01:48:14.000 There was not that thing where there was like this established community of like...

01:48:25.000 No, nobody had any TV credits.

01:48:28.000 Nobody had any TV credits.

01:48:31.000 Not one headliner.

01:48:32.000 It was all about...

01:48:33.000 And the beauty of it was it was a total meritocracy because there were guys like Gavin and Sweeney.

01:48:39.000 There were half a dozen guys that could draw.

01:48:42.000 And the rest of us were hired because there was a comedy night... 0.99

01:48:47.000 Somebody fucking hand drew comedy on a sign and put it in front of a Chinese restaurant. 0.99

01:48:51.000 And you showed up and you got booked because the booker thought you could kill. 1.00

01:48:55.000 It's all that mattered was that you could do a good job.

01:48:58.000 That's it.

01:48:59.000 Can you do it?

01:49:00.000 Not what credits you have. 1.00

01:49:01.000 Not what fucking Twitter account you have. 0.99

01:49:04.000 Once you got credits though, then you could do the road. 0.99

01:49:06.000 That was the difference.

01:49:07.000 Yeah, to get out of Boston, you needed a credit.

01:49:09.000 Yeah.

01:49:09.000 When you're doing The Road, they all wanted to know what TV show you've been on.

01:49:14.000 They all wanted to know that.

01:49:15.000 Yeah.

01:49:16.000 Have you done Comedy Spotlight?

01:49:17.000 What about Half Hour Comedy Hour?

01:49:19.000 Have you done this? 0.99

01:49:20.000 If you had HBO special, holy shit. 0.99

01:49:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:23.000 That was the bomb diggity.

01:49:24.000 You were headlining every club you wanted to.

01:49:26.000 Yeah, this guy's got an HBO special.

01:49:29.000 But back then, everyone that we knew had nothing.

01:49:33.000 I remember Bud Friedman came to town in the early 90s when it was Evening at the Improv was like the original strip shot stand-up comedy show that put A&E on the map.

01:49:44.000 It was their first big show.

01:49:45.000 Yeah. 0.54

01:49:46.000 I remember he came to town and there was a showcase at Duck Soup and we all went up and then Bud Friedman, who's a fucking great guy, takes us all out to dinner afterwards and sits us down and he goes through each of us.

01:50:00.000 He goes, you did a great job. 0.87

01:50:01.000 You need a little bit more work.

01:50:03.000 I like that bit you did.

01:50:04.000 And he gets a Dave Fitzgerald and he goes, you got it.

01:50:07.000 You're doing the show. 1.00

01:50:08.000 And we were just all like, fuck, man. 0.99

01:50:11.000 Fitzgerald is one people thought they forgot about. 0.99

01:50:14.000 He was very funny.

01:50:15.000 Yeah, he was great.

01:50:16.000 Very funny.

01:50:17.000 Tight.

01:50:17.000 Great drinking stories.

01:50:19.000 Yeah.

01:50:19.000 He's another guy that found his stage legs during Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

01:50:24.000 That's right.

01:50:24.000 There's a few of those guys.

01:50:26.000 He's like, you know, they say you go to AA meetings and you end up just getting addicted to coffee.

01:50:33.000 Yeah.

01:50:33.000 I never walked out of a Dunkin' Donuts with a wildebeest on my arm.

01:50:38.000 My arm.

01:50:39.000 My arm.

01:50:40.000 My arm.

01:50:43.000 And the more Boston accent you had in Boston, the more they loved you.

01:50:50.000 Lenny was the only one who had legitimate credits.

01:50:52.000 Because at that time, even in the 80s, Lenny had already been on Rodney Dangerfield's special.

01:50:56.000 The HBO show.

01:50:58.000 I think when I worked with him, it was after he had been on Rodney Dangerfield's.

01:51:02.000 I had Lenny on... 0.96

01:51:05.000 Like three weeks ago, four weeks ago, he was a fucking hilarious. 0.96

01:51:09.000 He's still so funny, man. 0.97

01:51:10.000 He's all healthy now, totally sober, exercises.

01:51:14.000 But I opened up for him the second time I ever got paid.

01:51:18.000 And I think it was after he had already been on HBO. I think it was right afterwards.

01:51:23.000 That's early.

01:51:24.000 He was partying with Kinnison, and he was in the middle of his run, where he got his television show out here.

01:51:31.000 Yeah.

01:51:32.000 He talked about that too, about how he got ripped off.

01:51:34.000 His agent stole all of his money. 1.00

01:51:36.000 No shit. 1.00

01:51:37.000 You don't know that story? 1.00

01:51:38.000 No.

01:51:38.000 Oh my god, I'll send you the link.

01:51:40.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:51:40.000 I don't want to repeat the story because you want to hear him say it. 1.00

01:51:43.000 Wow.

01:51:44.000 There was a big scandal.

01:51:46.000 I think it was called Spotlight Agency.

01:51:47.000 I forget what the agency was.

01:51:48.000 Oh yeah, Spotlight.

01:51:49.000 Remember they stole everybody's money?

01:51:50.000 Yep.

01:51:51.000 Yeah, they stole everybody's money.

01:51:53.000 Yeah, one agent just snuck away.

01:51:55.000 Yeah, they used to book a lot of colleges and stuff.

01:51:58.000 But there's a story about how Jim McCauley, who booked The Tonight Show forever, he said he'd heard about Boston.

01:52:06.000 And they're telling him, and this is back in maybe the mid-'80s, and they're telling him about how you've got to go to Boston.

01:52:12.000 All the great comics are in Boston now.

01:52:14.000 They're talking about all the names we just said.

01:52:17.000 So he sets up a showcase at the, what was that Chinese restaurant that was like the original room?

01:52:26.000 Which one?

01:52:27.000 Kowloon? 0.67

01:52:27.000 No, way back. 0.67

01:52:29.000 Oh, the Ding Ho. 0.99

01:52:30.000 Ding Ho. 0.51

01:52:30.000 Yeah. 0.51

01:52:31.000 They set up a showcase of the Ding Ho, and all the guys come down, and they're in the green room, and they're drinking, they're doing blow, they're cracking each other up, and they all go up there, and they do fucking, you know, local references, and they're doing jokes about the Boston accent, 0.94

01:52:47.000 and Macaulay's just sitting there going, what the fuck is going on here? 0.65

01:52:51.000 And then Stephen Wright goes up, and he does Stephen Wright. 0.96

01:52:56.000 And they find out a couple days later, nobody got it except Stephen Wright.

01:53:01.000 And Stephen Wright at that time, Lenny told him, I think it was Lenny, one of them sat Stephen Wright down and goes, Steve, you're a sweet guy.

01:53:09.000 You're a terrific kid.

01:53:10.000 This isn't for you.

01:53:11.000 Yeah.

01:53:12.000 Because he used to bomb in Boston because he was monotone and he was doing a shtick and it didn't play in Boston.

01:53:18.000 Wow.

01:53:19.000 The way it did for these guys.

01:53:20.000 They told him you should stop.

01:53:21.000 Oh my God.

01:53:21.000 And then he got the Tonight Show.

01:53:23.000 They fly him out.

01:53:24.000 He does a set.

01:53:26.000 Johnny liked him so much.

01:53:27.000 They said, can you stay another week?

01:53:29.000 Did another spot. 0.99

01:53:31.000 And in that first year, he must have done four Tonight Shows and he became fucking huge. 0.92

01:53:36.000 He got a special out of it. 0.82

01:53:38.000 And they're all sitting at home going like... 1.00

01:53:39.000 I fucking killed that night. 1.00

01:53:41.000 He didn't kill. 1.00

01:53:44.000 Yeah.

01:53:45.000 Whoops.

01:53:46.000 Telling them to quit.

01:53:48.000 That's hilarious.

01:53:49.000 Yeah.

01:53:49.000 Comedy had only been around for 30 years.

01:53:51.000 Yeah.

01:53:51.000 How are you telling them to quit?

01:53:52.000 Nobody knows how to do it yet.

01:53:53.000 Right.

01:53:55.000 You don't imagine?

01:53:56.000 I'm an expert in this.

01:53:58.000 You gotta quit.

01:54:00.000 Like, nobody can really tell you that you can never figure it out.

01:54:04.000 Because comedy is not that different than anything else.

01:54:08.000 And that if you really put a lot of time and effort and attention to it, you get better at it.

01:54:12.000 So if you got any laughs at all, you might not be doing it the right way, but that's part of the process, right?

01:54:19.000 Yeah, I think George Carlin said no matter how bad a comedian is, there's always one joke in his act that I go, God, I wish I wrote that joke.

01:54:27.000 And if you have that one joke, it means you're capable of writing one.

01:54:31.000 Yes.

01:54:31.000 And sometimes your life changes, and it puts you in a different space that makes you a better comedian, whether it's your performance or your writing.

01:54:40.000 And comedy is, you're displaying what's going on inside of you.

01:54:46.000 When you're on stage, on some level, your anger, your fear, whatever it is, it comes out in your performance.

01:54:52.000 Yeah.

01:54:52.000 And so if something changes fundamentally in your life, sometimes it's getting married, sometimes your father dies, whatever, you see people change.

01:54:59.000 They get sober.

01:55:00.000 And they can suddenly get good.

01:55:03.000 Yeah.

01:55:03.000 It can happen.

01:55:06.000 It's like anything else in your life.

01:55:08.000 You run into someone and they lost 100 pounds. 1.00

01:55:10.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:55:10.000 You lost 100 pounds? 1.00

01:55:12.000 How did you do it?

01:55:13.000 I just made a change.

01:55:14.000 I just decided I'm not doing that anymore.

01:55:16.000 I'm going to live my life different.

01:55:17.000 And then I started riding that momentum and then here we are.

01:55:20.000 Right.

01:55:20.000 16 months later.

01:55:21.000 Yeah.

01:55:22.000 That could happen with anything.

01:55:23.000 I remember Jim Norton when he started.

01:55:25.000 Wasn't that funny.

01:55:27.000 Struggled.

01:55:27.000 And all of a sudden, boom, found his voice.

01:55:30.000 He's fucking great. 0.95

01:55:32.000 Yeah, it's weird when someone can't find their voice, right? 0.98

01:55:35.000 It's like there's that uncertainty of life.

01:55:39.000 Is this going to work out?

01:55:40.000 Am I wasting my time?

01:55:42.000 And then you find it.

01:55:44.000 Yeah.

01:55:44.000 Or not.

01:55:45.000 Or not. 0.99

01:55:46.000 And again, it's dependent also about how good are you at recognizing when you're fucking up. 0.98

01:55:51.000 Do you gloss over mistakes or do you examine them and learn from them? 0.96

01:55:55.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:55:56.000 Because if you gloss over, god damn, it takes forever to figure it out because you've got to play little games with yourself and pretend you didn't do bad. 0.98

01:56:03.000 So if you didn't do bad, you don't feel bad. 0.99

01:56:05.000 If you don't feel bad, you're not going to change. 0.95

01:56:06.000 That's part of the reason that exists, that horrible feeling when you fuck something up.

01:56:14.000 That's the biological buzz. 1.00

01:56:19.000 Like, hey, fuckface, you lost. 1.00

01:56:22.000 This is bad. 1.00

01:56:23.000 Figure this out.

01:56:24.000 But if you can lie to yourself, you don't feel that buzz.

01:56:27.000 You're like, I'm fine.

01:56:29.000 It was amazing. 0.99

01:56:30.000 The crowd sucked.

01:56:31.000 Well, that's why getting sober can affect that change because that's ultimately what sobriety is. 0.98

01:56:36.000 If you have a problem, you keep lying to yourself and you go, you know, I'm fine.

01:56:40.000 It was just last night.

01:56:42.000 I'm not going to do that again.

01:56:43.000 Yeah.

01:56:44.000 Or you can say, it was that crowd.

01:56:47.000 And then, you know, you'll see them struggle in some sort of weird way.

01:56:51.000 But comedy is, it's so ebb and flow, dependent on day to day.

01:56:56.000 It's like talking to people, you know, you're talking to people on a day to day basis, like the people are different day to day.

01:57:05.000 They subtly this way or that way. 0.99

01:57:07.000 And when you get enough people in a fucking room, and they're drinking, and it's weird, and then maybe you're a little tired, and then it comes off strange, and you're like, God, that set sucked. 0.99

01:57:16.000 I need to get another set under my belt. 0.99

01:57:18.000 And then the next set, you're like, boy, I don't want it to be like that last set, so I'm going to fire the fuck up. 0.93

01:57:22.000 And then, oh, this one was good, good, good. 0.95

01:57:24.000 Let me relax now.

01:57:26.000 I don't have to work that hard.

01:57:28.000 I already had that good set. 0.93

01:57:30.000 Oh, this set sucked. 0.93

01:57:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:57:32.000 Motherfucker. 1.00

01:57:33.000 And then you're like, okay, we're playing this game, are we? 1.00

01:57:35.000 Yeah.

01:57:35.000 That's the process.

01:57:37.000 Yeah, and I never have a better set than after a bad set.

01:57:41.000 Yeah.

01:57:41.000 Always.

01:57:42.000 You're on your toes.

01:57:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:57:43.000 I try to play a little game with myself where I pretend I just ate shit. 1.00

01:57:47.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:57:47.000 Right before I go on stage, I pretend I just ate shit. 1.00

01:57:49.000 It gives me a chance to redeem myself. 0.99

01:57:51.000 Let's go.

01:57:51.000 Wow.

01:57:52.000 Yeah.

01:57:53.000 I play little games with myself sometimes.

01:57:55.000 Yeah.

01:57:56.000 Last night I had...

01:57:57.000 Who was sitting in the crowd?

01:57:59.000 Oh, Andy Kindler was sitting in the crowd with... 1.00

01:58:01.000 That son of a bitch. 1.00

01:58:03.000 Sorry, Andy. 1.00

01:58:04.000 I'm just kidding.

01:58:05.000 Andy and...

01:58:06.000 I love Andy. 0.98

01:58:07.000 And who the fuck else was out there? 0.65

01:58:09.000 Oh, and Harlan Williams, who are both like... 0.92

01:58:12.000 I love Harlan Williams.

01:58:13.000 Such interesting comedians that they're watching me and you feel... 0.71

01:58:17.000 I usually don't give a fuck who's watching me, but last night was the improv and it was like nobody there. 0.53

01:58:21.000 And I felt like I can't mail it in with a regular set. 0.99

01:58:24.000 I gotta fuck around here a little bit. 0.99

01:58:26.000 And I just had a fucking great set because it made me dig in a little bit. 1.00

01:58:31.000 Yes. 0.99

01:58:32.000 Yes.

01:58:32.000 That's one of the really good aspects about the Comedy Store these days, too.

01:58:36.000 Because there's always people that you respect in the room.

01:58:38.000 Yeah.

01:58:39.000 There's always someone there.

01:58:40.000 Right.

01:58:41.000 There's always Ron White's there.

01:58:43.000 You know?

01:58:43.000 Sebastian gave me a big compliment the other night on one of my jokes.

01:58:47.000 That felt nice.

01:58:48.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 Sebastian's a guy that struggled.

01:58:51.000 Struggled.

01:58:51.000 Did he?

01:58:52.000 Early on, yeah.

01:58:53.000 No, I didn't know that.

01:58:53.000 He had a hard time.

01:58:54.000 Had a hard time finding his voice.

01:58:56.000 And I didn't get a chance to see how good he had become.

01:59:01.000 And I watched him on Showtime in a hotel room in Vegas.

01:59:05.000 I was there for UFC or something.

01:59:07.000 And I watched Sebastian at a Showtime special. 0.99

01:59:10.000 And I was like, God damn, this is good! 0.98

01:59:12.000 And I think I tweeted about it. 0.98

01:59:14.000 I either tweeted it or I emailed him. 0.99

01:59:16.000 I don't remember which, but I was like, that is fucking, he's fucking good. 0.98

01:59:19.000 Yeah, yeah, he's really good. 0.99

01:59:21.000 I watched him at the store the other night.

01:59:23.000 I mean, Jesus, he is bigger than life up there.

01:59:27.000 He just dominates the room.

01:59:29.000 He's very good.

01:59:30.000 And it took a while.

01:59:31.000 It took a while for him to find that thing.

01:59:33.000 And it happened while I was not around the comedy stores.

01:59:37.000 I really didn't get a chance to see his sets.

01:59:39.000 So before he was funny.

01:59:41.000 He was funny.

01:59:42.000 But he would have good sets and bad sets.

01:59:43.000 He was kind of struggling a little bit.

01:59:46.000 Hmm.

01:59:46.000 But then he found it.

01:59:48.000 Yeah.

01:59:48.000 Just took his time.

01:59:49.000 Worked hard.

01:59:50.000 Always hustled.

01:59:51.000 Found it. 0.99

01:59:52.000 Dude, Jeselnik's last special is so fucking good. 0.98

01:59:56.000 He's so good. 0.97

01:59:57.000 I mean, it's like, I've always liked him.

01:59:59.000 I've always enjoyed watching.

02:00:00.000 And I don't watch people's whole hour, rarely.

02:00:03.000 But I've always watched his whole hours.

02:00:04.000 His writing is just so, like, intensely...

02:00:07.000 He's a craftsman.

02:00:08.000 He works hard.

02:00:09.000 Oh, there it is.

02:00:10.000 2013. Dude, Carty's special in the hotel room.

02:00:12.000 Laugh my ass off. 1.00

02:00:14.000 Let's podcast, you sexy bitch. 1.00

02:00:17.000 Yeah, so that was 2013. I had been still out of the store. 1.00

02:00:23.000 I'd been out of the store for like, at that point, shit, that was six years. 0.98

02:00:30.000 I hadn't been in the store in six years. 0.98

02:00:32.000 The special was excellent.

02:00:34.000 I just love guys like him, and Harlan's one of those guys too, that their comedy is very specific to them.

02:00:45.000 Like, Brody was a great example of that.

02:00:47.000 Brody's comedy is so specific to Brody.

02:00:49.000 Like, if you say, 818 till I die!

02:00:52.000 Like, why is that funny?

02:00:53.000 But to you and I, you immediately got a smile thinking about Brody saying it.

02:00:57.000 His comedy was so specific to him.

02:01:01.000 I was a male model in Pakistan.

02:01:05.000 I was on the cover of Camel Beat.

02:01:11.000 Oh, he was so funny.

02:01:12.000 We would ask him to do those jokes, too.

02:01:14.000 Like, please do the male model joke. 0.56

02:01:16.000 You'd yell out to him, Brody, did you ever do any modeling?

02:01:19.000 Funny ask.

02:01:22.000 Rogan, supportive.

02:01:24.000 I'd go, Brody, how did you get to the store tonight?

02:01:27.000 La Cienega, North.

02:01:29.000 Took it to San Vicente.

02:01:32.000 He would just say names of roads in L.A. for five minutes.

02:01:36.000 And it was funny for whatever reason.

02:01:38.000 Yeah.

02:01:39.000 God, I miss that guy.

02:01:40.000 He was like, to me, it was always like he was trying to make people laugh and he was also trying to blow himself up.

02:01:47.000 He was trying to fill himself up.

02:01:49.000 It was like he was doing self-affirmations with his comedy.

02:01:53.000 He wasn't boasting.

02:01:54.000 He was trying to convince himself that he was good enough to be up there.

02:01:58.000 Forever in my office, I had a photo, a laminated photo that said, Office Depot Employee of the Month, and it was Brody.

02:02:05.000 And he took this photo.

02:02:07.000 It was like what he was using as a headshot.

02:02:11.000 And I kept it just to give you a smile while I was riding.

02:02:14.000 I put it up on my little cork board.

02:02:16.000 Wow.

02:02:17.000 See if you can find that, man.

02:02:17.000 I needed to get another one of those.

02:02:19.000 I don't know what the fuck happened to it. 0.98

02:02:20.000 When he died, I've never seen... 0.99

02:02:23.000 I don't think I've ever seen a turnout for a comedian dying.

02:02:26.000 Is that it?

02:02:27.000 The way his memorial was.

02:02:28.000 That's exactly it.

02:02:29.000 Oh, that's great.

02:02:29.000 That was laminated in my office.

02:02:33.000 Please do me a favor and print that up and let's get it.

02:02:36.000 Get that turned into another one that I put in my office.

02:02:39.000 Because somewhere in the move from this studio, from the old studio to this studio, I lost it.

02:02:46.000 But I always had that in my office.

02:02:49.000 Just to look at...

02:02:51.000 Just because Brody was just so Brody.

02:02:54.000 Yeah, he was just open, raw.

02:02:58.000 And he was one of those guys where you really have to be there.

02:03:03.000 You have to see him.

02:03:04.000 Yeah.

02:03:04.000 He doesn't translate.

02:03:07.000 No one translates 100. That's a dirty little secret about comedy specials.

02:03:12.000 You don't translate 100% of what you're experiencing when you're in that room.

02:03:16.000 That's why your writing has to be even sharper.

02:03:18.000 And your act-outs have to be even sharper.

02:03:21.000 Everything has to be tightened down.

02:03:23.000 Because you're not experiencing the physical presence of all the audience members and the comedian all in this room together.

02:03:30.000 Because it's an intangible, right?

02:03:31.000 So if, like, going to see you live at the Wilbur Theatre, if that's 100%, watching you on Netflix is like 80%.

02:03:40.000 Yeah.

02:03:40.000 That you take away all the other people.

02:03:42.000 There's no other people there.

02:03:43.000 It's just you.

02:03:44.000 You can pretend they're there, but they're not there.

02:03:46.000 So you don't have that feeling of being in a public place with a bunch of other people, which lights you up.

02:03:51.000 And then you don't have the comic that you came to see right in front of you.

02:03:54.000 You don't have that.

02:03:55.000 Yeah.

02:03:55.000 You don't have the air.

02:03:56.000 You're all sharing the same air.

02:03:58.000 You're all in the room together.

02:03:59.000 You feel each other in some sort of a weird way.

02:04:01.000 So it's like 20% of every show.

02:04:03.000 But with Britney, it was even more.

02:04:04.000 There's also the momentum of like, if you come to a comedy show, you're surrounded by people...

02:04:10.000 That have an agenda to laugh. 0.99

02:04:11.000 They got a babysitter, they paid money, they sat down, they are motivated to laugh.

02:04:17.000 And so now you're surrounded by, if you're the Wilbur Theater, you got a thousand people that all have that energy together.

02:04:22.000 You're sitting in your underwear under a blanket on a couch watching a show.

02:04:27.000 Yeah, it's 80% though, for the most part.

02:04:30.000 Yeah.

02:04:31.000 Maybe, might be in the 70s, 79%.

02:04:34.000 What's the best stand-up comedy special of all time in your mind?

02:04:39.000 They're era-dependent.

02:04:40.000 The thing about them is none of them really last.

02:04:44.000 They're not...

02:04:45.000 Comedy is one of the most rapidly depreciating art forms in the culture.

02:04:52.000 In terms of its staying power.

02:04:54.000 Try and watch a movie we loved in the 80s.

02:04:57.000 Try to watch a comedy movie.

02:04:59.000 I know, I try to with my kids all the time and they look at me and they go, why are you showing me... 0.98

02:05:04.000 Garbage. 0.95

02:05:04.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:05:05.000 A few of them stand up.

02:05:07.000 Blues Brothers.

02:05:09.000 But does it really?

02:05:10.000 It stands up because it's a classic, but if it came out today, would it be that much of a classic?

02:05:15.000 Probably not.

02:05:16.000 Probably not.

02:05:17.000 Things change.

02:05:18.000 They evolve.

02:05:19.000 In comedy, they evolve rapidly.

02:05:21.000 And they're unforgiving.

02:05:23.000 Like, I always say Lenny Bruce, who I think is the main guy that started this whole thing.

02:05:28.000 He started it.

02:05:29.000 I mean, there was other guys that were kind of doing it.

02:05:31.000 You know, there was Mort Sahl.

02:05:33.000 There's a few guys who were doing some similar stuff, I'm sure, that didn't become famous.

02:05:38.000 But as far as guys that became famous at that time who were genuinely regarded almost universally as being brilliant comedians, Lenny Bruce was the Mac Daddy.

02:05:48.000 He was a guy who did all the television shows.

02:05:51.000 He did all those shows.

02:05:52.000 And they wanted him to come on, and he was brilliant, and he would go on there with great material, and it was clean, and then he morphed. 1.00

02:05:59.000 He just kept expanding and morphing and got more into drugs and just started just at the end of his career was really losing his fucking mind. 0.96

02:06:07.000 He was just fighting these obscenity cases. 0.99

02:06:09.000 And he was going on stage.

02:06:11.000 There's videos of him.

02:06:12.000 You could watch videos of him that you could buy that I bought VHS tapes of back in the day where he would read the transcripts of his trial on stage.

02:06:21.000 And people were like, tell jokes! 0.99

02:06:23.000 Come on, where's the fucking jokes? 0.99

02:06:25.000 Like in the end, he just completely went off the rails. 0.99

02:06:29.000 But his steps, I think, were the first steps of modern stand-up comedy.

02:06:34.000 So anything he did was the greatest thing of all time, back then.

02:06:37.000 And you watch it now, and it does not hold up at all.

02:06:41.000 It does not hold up at all.

02:06:43.000 No.

02:06:43.000 But neither does a lot of other...

02:06:44.000 Pryor holds up.

02:06:46.000 Pryor holds up.

02:06:47.000 Yeah, Pryor holds up.

02:06:49.000 Hicks holds up, but in a weird way. 0.96

02:06:52.000 Hicks holds up in a way where you're realizing, like, wow, this guy was doing some shit that No one else was doing back then. 0.95

02:06:59.000 A young man on acid realized that life is just... 0.93

02:07:03.000 You know that whole bit that he does about positive stories in the news?

02:07:06.000 I don't remember exactly how the bit works, but it's a hilarious bit.

02:07:08.000 That's a brilliant bit.

02:07:10.000 Well-crafted bit.

02:07:11.000 He had a lot of those.

02:07:12.000 Old people should do stunts in movies. 1.00

02:07:14.000 Yes.

02:07:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:18.000 I mean, he had some great shit, man. 1.00

02:07:20.000 They were great bits. 1.00

02:07:22.000 He was a different guy.

02:07:23.000 What he did is he made people in the audience think about ideas that you probably wouldn't have thought about if not for his act.

02:07:33.000 And he challenged you to be smarter.

02:07:36.000 There was part of that, one of the things that Hicks was doing.

02:07:38.000 It's like, Kinnison went this way, right? 1.00

02:07:41.000 Kinnison was like, Ronald Reagan's the fucking president! 1.00

02:07:44.000 And we're gonna kick ass! 1.00

02:07:45.000 Woo! 0.99

02:07:46.000 But he was also smart.

02:07:49.000 And he had great points.

02:07:50.000 The only reason why that bit about the African people that were starving to death, that bit about those late night television shows, which is one of his darkest bits ever, and one of his best bits. 0.97

02:08:01.000 But it worked because he was smart.

02:08:06.000 Because he had points that were irrefutable.

02:08:08.000 It wasn't just these African kids starving to death.

02:08:11.000 Let me tell you what's funny about that.

02:08:13.000 Nothing's funny about that.

02:08:14.000 It was him saying, why don't you feed him?

02:08:16.000 You're right there!

02:08:17.000 And then he... 0.99

02:08:20.000 Would have these kind of bits that were fucked up, but they were so well-crafted. 0.98

02:08:27.000 You're like, Jesus, this guy. 0.98

02:08:29.000 This is so good.

02:08:30.000 And so for then, he was the greatest of all time. 1.00

02:08:32.000 When Kinison came along, man, he was a motherfucker. 0.99

02:08:36.000 No one had ever seen anything like that before. 0.99

02:08:38.000 Yeah, I remember how much you were affected by him. 0.99

02:08:40.000 You and Mike McDonald, he was fucking... 0.97

02:08:42.000 Mike McCarthy. 1.00

02:08:43.000 Mike McCarthy.

02:08:44.000 Yeah, the comedy barbarian.

02:08:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:08:47.000 Yeah, we both were huge Kinison fans.

02:08:50.000 He just made me think, oh, that's comedy too.

02:08:54.000 I didn't know you could do that.

02:08:55.000 That's a different thing.

02:08:56.000 This guy's screaming, I was married!

02:08:59.000 Twice! 0.99

02:08:59.000 Ow! 0.99

02:09:00.000 Ow! 1.00

02:09:01.000 And he was fat, and he had a beret on, and an overcoat.

02:09:04.000 Dude, he would come into the Stern show drunk after being up all night and do, without a doubt, the best Stern appearances of all time. 0.98

02:09:11.000 He's an animal.

02:09:12.000 Yeah.

02:09:16.000 Dude, TJ Miller.

02:09:35.000 He had some kind of a brain thing happen to him, and he got treated for it, and he recovered, but that's when he started acting kind of erratic.

02:09:44.000 Whoa.

02:09:45.000 Yeah.

02:09:46.000 It happens.

02:09:47.000 People get irrational, and you get impulsive.

02:09:49.000 You get very impulsive.

02:09:51.000 It happens with ex-football players, ex-fighters.

02:09:53.000 Right.

02:09:55.000 But that's what happened to Sam.

02:09:56.000 He got hit by a car.

02:09:57.000 His brother wrote a book about it called Brother Sam, his brother Bill.

02:10:01.000 And that's one of the things he talks about. 0.99

02:10:03.000 Sam was like, this normal kid gets hit by a fucking car, and then all of a sudden he's this wild man, like a wild demon, no control. 1.00

02:10:10.000 Just didn't give a fuck! 1.00

02:10:13.000 That's a guy that I wish I'd met. 1.00

02:10:15.000 I'm like, fuck! 1.00

02:10:17.000 Damn, I really wanted to meet that guy. 1.00

02:10:19.000 We met Hicks, though. 0.99

02:10:20.000 We did meet Hicks.

02:10:21.000 We saw him.

02:10:22.000 We were in the room with him.

02:10:23.000 We didn't hang out with him right now.

02:10:24.000 We said hi to him in the green room.

02:10:26.000 That was about it.

02:10:26.000 Hi.

02:10:28.000 I always think of that when a young comic comes in the green room to say hi to me. 0.97

02:10:31.000 I always think, fucking be nice to this kid, because this means more to him than you can imagine. 1.00

02:10:37.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:10:38.000 Just the fact that Hicks acknowledged I was alive. 1.00

02:10:40.000 Yeah.

02:10:42.000 Yeah, we got an amazing comedy education, my friend.

02:10:46.000 Yeah.

02:10:48.000 We're good to go.

02:11:08.000 It's crazy.

02:11:10.000 He says his whole bit about rape that's like, I couldn't believe.

02:11:14.000 It was on Sirius XM radio the other day.

02:11:17.000 And like, you know, his show got canceled. 0.99

02:11:19.000 He's got another fucking show. 0.99

02:11:20.000 But without those, it doesn't matter. 1.00

02:11:22.000 You get your shit up on the internet. 0.99

02:11:24.000 You do a podcast. 1.00

02:11:25.000 You tour.

02:11:26.000 You don't ever have to do the Tonight Show again.

02:11:28.000 You don't have to do, you know.

02:11:30.000 Yeah, there was only a few avenues back then.

02:11:33.000 Yeah.

02:11:33.000 Now it's infinite.

02:11:34.000 Yeah.

02:11:34.000 You just have to be good.

02:11:36.000 Yeah.

02:11:37.000 You just have to be interesting.

02:11:38.000 Or not even, man. 0.98

02:11:39.000 I mean, there's a lot of fucking people that just do makeup tutorials and they make millions. 0.99

02:11:43.000 The world's crazy. 1.00

02:11:44.000 Yeah.

02:11:45.000 Like, don't think that it's supposed to be fair. 0.99

02:11:46.000 Like, all those guys back in Boston, hey, what the fuck? 1.00

02:11:49.000 I killed that night. 1.00

02:11:50.000 Same thing.

02:11:51.000 Like, don't think this world's supposed to be fair. 0.97

02:11:52.000 This thing's not, this thing, no one knows what the fuck is going on. 0.93

02:11:55.000 This kid is making $30 million reviewing toys on YouTube? 0.95

02:11:59.000 Yep.

02:11:59.000 That's just how it is.

02:12:00.000 Because he loves toys and that's what he started doing.

02:12:02.000 What do you love?

02:12:04.000 Just that's how it is.

02:12:06.000 You getting upset about that doesn't help anybody.

02:12:08.000 Yeah, the kid makes 30 million reviewing toys.

02:12:11.000 Go figure it out.

02:12:12.000 Figure your thing out.

02:12:13.000 Don't get mad at the kid. 1.00

02:12:15.000 Fuck that kid. 1.00

02:12:16.000 I got money. 1.00

02:12:17.000 I just want 1 million a year.

02:12:19.000 That's all I want from you.

02:12:20.000 Come on, kid.

02:12:21.000 You can give it to me.

02:12:22.000 You're not even going to use it.

02:12:23.000 You're 7. I was a veteran.

02:12:25.000 Got some veteran reviewing toys online.

02:12:28.000 Got 12 views.

02:12:29.000 This toy is for good little queers. 1.00

02:12:32.000 This fucking doll. 1.00

02:12:34.000 This little doll. 1.00

02:12:37.000 This fucking soldier never saw the shit. 1.00

02:12:39.000 I saw the shit. 1.00

02:12:41.000 Yeah, this fake G.I. Joe bullshit fucking soldier. 1.00

02:12:45.000 Yeah, what is the next thing? 1.00

02:12:46.000 Like, it's not veterans reviewing toys.

02:12:49.000 It's not going to be that.

02:12:50.000 But what would be the next thing?

02:12:53.000 The next thing...

02:12:58.000 I think it's got to be something that lets people interact more.

02:13:06.000 That's what people are looking for.

02:13:07.000 I mean, you've got social apps, but how do you take a social app and make it something that you sit down and watch every day as programming?

02:13:15.000 Yeah.

02:13:15.000 Right.

02:13:17.000 How do you do that?

02:13:18.000 What's the clip show?

02:13:22.000 Who's the host that can take social media and do like what TalkSoup did with cable TV shows?

02:13:34.000 Yeah.

02:13:39.000 Yeah.

02:13:40.000 Yeah.

02:13:53.000 Most people that I know are addicted to their phones.

02:13:57.000 They stare at their phones all day.

02:13:58.000 They can't help it.

02:13:59.000 They're drawn to the next text message.

02:14:01.000 They want the next tweet, whatever it is.

02:14:04.000 They want to see that next Facebook post, that Instagram post.

02:14:08.000 They're addicted to it.

02:14:09.000 And what...

02:14:13.000 What we're doing is making it more addictive.

02:14:18.000 They're making it better.

02:14:20.000 Everything keeps getting better.

02:14:21.000 The cameras keep getting better.

02:14:23.000 The apps are better.

02:14:24.000 The algorithms, they figure out how long it should take to reload and to move to another page and when to present the next graphic.

02:14:34.000 The same guys have figured out how slot machines should work in Vegas to keep you putting quarters into them.

02:14:39.000 They figure out how often you need to win and how loud the bells should be.

02:14:45.000 And then they extract your data.

02:14:47.000 Right.

02:14:48.000 And then they sell that data.

02:14:50.000 And then they make infinite amounts of money.

02:14:52.000 And they want to keep you on the tit.

02:14:55.000 And so they're going to keep that tit juicy.

02:14:57.000 With all kinds of new stuff.

02:14:59.000 What about these anti-vaxxers?

02:15:00.000 They're moving into your neighborhood.

02:15:01.000 What? 1.00

02:15:02.000 Fuck they are! 1.00

02:15:03.000 Next thing you know, you're embroiled in a Facebook anti-vax debate. 1.00

02:15:07.000 It keeps you up in the middle of the night.

02:15:08.000 You go back to check the post. 1.00

02:15:09.000 What the fuck did he write? 1.00

02:15:10.000 The fuck did he write? 1.00

02:15:11.000 Ooh! 1.00

02:15:12.000 Oh, he's got to go to sleep, and now I'm going to let him know.

02:15:15.000 I'm going to keep him a piece of my mind. 0.99

02:15:17.000 How many people are just ready to blow their fucking brains out, stand in front of the computer at night, and arguments with people on Facebook? 0.99

02:15:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:24.000 First of all, that is one of the worst ways to communicate. 1.00

02:15:28.000 I understand that it's a really effective way to communicate, but just text messages, just text, just writing things, it's like one of the crudest ways that we know.

02:15:38.000 You might as well send a raven.

02:15:39.000 Yeah.

02:15:40.000 Really?

02:15:41.000 Right. 0.99

02:15:41.000 Wrap a fucking piece of paper around that raven's foot and send it and I'll read it when I, oh, okay, this is what he means. 0.99

02:15:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:15:47.000 Like, we could talk to each other now. 0.99

02:15:49.000 We should limit the amount of texting we do.

02:15:52.000 I really think that.

02:15:53.000 Well, what about video texts?

02:15:55.000 Yeah, I haven't seen much of that.

02:15:56.000 A lot of people.

02:15:57.000 Like, hey, Joe, what's happening, man?

02:15:58.000 Give me a call later.

02:15:59.000 Send. 0.97

02:16:00.000 That's because you're white. 0.97

02:16:01.000 Yesterday, Wiz Khalifa was here and he was saying that everybody, FaceTimes now, Oh, yeah? 0.99

02:16:06.000 And I know this for a fact because I was taking a shit when Killer Mike FaceTimed me. 0.84

02:16:11.000 So he is also a member of that prestigious community. 0.97

02:16:15.000 And yeah, they're FaceTiming each other now, which I'm for.

02:16:18.000 Yeah, that's great.

02:16:19.000 That's better.

02:16:20.000 That's better.

02:16:21.000 That's connecting everybody.

02:16:22.000 That's better.

02:16:22.000 No, you called me on the phone yesterday.

02:16:24.000 Yes.

02:16:24.000 And you were like, that's it.

02:16:25.000 I'm done with texting.

02:16:26.000 I'm only calling it. 0.99

02:16:27.000 And I was like, that's what fucking Joey Diaz does. 0.99

02:16:29.000 Yeah, I'm doing that now. 0.99

02:16:31.000 Joey gets offended and almost angry if you email him.

02:16:35.000 I mean, I'll text people details for things and addresses and stuff like that, but if it's somebody I like, I want to talk to them.

02:16:41.000 I'll say hi.

02:16:42.000 And there's another thing that's happened.

02:16:43.000 When you keep in touch with people with texts, you realize how rarely you talk to them on the phone.

02:16:49.000 There's a few of my friends that I hardly ever see.

02:16:51.000 So I've been trying to make time for dinner plans, go to hang out with friends, instead of just always working.

02:17:01.000 I feel like I'm always, every plan that I make in terms of what I do with my time is either family related or work related.

02:17:08.000 And I feel like I've got to reach out to friends more in a one-on-one, face-to-face sort of way.

02:17:15.000 It's the best.

02:17:15.000 There was just this comprehensive study that started in the 1930s by Harvard University about what causes happiness.

02:17:23.000 And the number one thing was friendship.

02:17:26.000 Yeah.

02:17:27.000 People talk about family, they talk about work, and you overlook community.

02:17:31.000 You know, friendship means, it's almost like, like sometimes I feel like, I really love my wife. 0.97

02:17:37.000 I got so fucking lucky.

02:17:39.000 She, I hear her voice and I get happy. 0.97

02:17:42.000 When she walks in the door, I jump up.

02:17:45.000 I want to talk to her.

02:17:46.000 But to the point where, on a Saturday night, we just go out to dinner.

02:17:49.000 We just go do something.

02:17:51.000 During the day, we just hang out.

02:17:52.000 And sometimes I think, I should be spending more time with friends. 0.99

02:17:57.000 Especially since then I can talk shit about her. 0.99

02:17:59.000 There you go. 0.99

02:18:00.000 It's a good call.

02:18:01.000 But, you know, it really is like, you know, you don't carve out that time.

02:18:05.000 And this study said that gratitude and friendship are the two main things for happiness.

02:18:10.000 Well, it's great that you're married to your friend.

02:18:12.000 That's beautiful, too.

02:18:13.000 Right.

02:18:14.000 You know?

02:18:15.000 When you have friends, when you have people that you can confide in and talk to, you have different perspectives, different points of view.

02:18:23.000 It's always best if it's in your house.

02:18:25.000 If it's your wife, it would be amazing. 0.99

02:18:27.000 I'm very, very pro getting your shit together in terms of the way you run a relationship. 0.99

02:18:40.000 How nice are you? 0.98

02:18:42.000 How well do you guys get along?

02:18:45.000 And I think it should extend not just to your spouse, but also to all your friends.

02:18:51.000 How nice are you to your friends? 1.00

02:18:52.000 How little bullshit do you give them? 1.00

02:18:55.000 How much compliments do you give them? 1.00

02:18:58.000 How objective are you with the way you guys interact with each other?

02:19:03.000 How often do you tell them that you care about them?

02:19:06.000 Yeah, how often do you take them for granted?

02:19:07.000 I'm very pro-analysis.

02:19:10.000 And I think all of us could do well to analyze how we interface with each other.

02:19:16.000 Because I think most problems that people have...

02:19:19.000 It's like one thing happens, then this thing happens, and that thing happens, but if the first thing didn't happen, would the second thing have happened?

02:19:25.000 If the first slight didn't happen, if the first way you greeted someone was with a big smile and a handshake, and maybe the whole conversation would have rolled in a totally different way, and then afterwards someone said, hey, I thought you were mad at Greg.

02:19:38.000 You know what I was, but the way he came over and shook my hand and smiled at me, I'm like, who cares?

02:19:42.000 What am I worried about? 1.00

02:19:43.000 Whereas if you came over with an attitude, oh, this fucking guy, and then he's like, oh, that fucking guy hasn't dropped it yet, We're still arguing about the stupid fucking thing. 1.00

02:19:51.000 You know I'm right. 1.00

02:19:53.000 Half of it is the way we interact with each other. 0.99

02:19:56.000 Male, female, boy, boy, whatever the fuck. 0.98

02:19:59.000 It's just human beings. 0.99

02:20:00.000 Half of the way.

02:20:01.000 Human beings.

02:20:03.000 The way things go.

02:20:05.000 Half of it is how we interact with each other.

02:20:07.000 Yeah, the energy.

02:20:08.000 I go to the comedy store sometimes and if I show up and like...

02:20:11.000 I show up three minutes before my spot, and then I park the car and I'm walking in, and somebody I like will say hi to me.

02:20:18.000 I'll see Dove Davidoff or somebody I haven't seen in a while, and he says, what's up?

02:20:23.000 And I kind of brush past him because I'm late.

02:20:26.000 That fucks up the relationship because that person feels like, oh, I thought I meant a lot to that guy.

02:20:31.000 Right.

02:20:31.000 So it's like, I gotta show up early and think before I walk in.

02:20:36.000 Be available to people.

02:20:38.000 Because, you know, it is, you're right.

02:20:40.000 It can be very subtle.

02:20:41.000 How you shake someone's hand.

02:20:43.000 How you, like, don't hug them or hug them.

02:20:46.000 Yep.

02:20:47.000 Yep.

02:20:48.000 A friend of mine goes, the other day, we play beach volleyball on Sundays.

02:20:51.000 That's my big social thing.

02:20:54.000 15 years I've been playing with the same guys. 0.99

02:20:56.000 No shit. 0.99

02:20:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:20:56.000 That's great exercise, too. 0.99

02:20:58.000 It's great, and we call ourselves the shirts because we're the only guys on the beach playing with our shirts on. 0.99

02:21:04.000 And we're fucking terrible. 0.98

02:21:06.000 We never get any better. 0.99

02:21:07.000 And so we go out and I hugged.

02:21:12.000 I showed up and I hugged everybody.

02:21:14.000 And then this one guy, Evan, goes to me.

02:21:16.000 He goes, you know, I don't think you should hug everybody all the time.

02:21:19.000 I think a hug should be like for a special moment so it actually means something. 0.98

02:21:23.000 And I go, you have intimacy problems and don't fucking put them on me. 0.99

02:21:29.000 I won't hug you, but I'm fucking hugging everybody else. 1.00

02:21:32.000 I love it. 0.98

02:21:33.000 I love a moment where I can hug somebody.

02:21:35.000 The comedy store should be called the Hug Festival.

02:21:38.000 That place is all about hugs.

02:21:39.000 Everyone's always hugging everybody.

02:21:42.000 You know, the more people that you can have like that in your life...

02:21:46.000 The more people that you want to hug, the better off you are.

02:21:49.000 That's a community of people that you actually care about. 1.00

02:21:52.000 I hug the shit out of my kids. 0.95

02:21:54.000 Yeah, it bums me out when people don't like to. 0.99

02:21:57.000 It bums me out when people don't like to hug their kids.

02:22:00.000 It's a bummer.

02:22:01.000 It's a real bummer.

02:22:03.000 When you know someone who doesn't like being a parent, it's rough.

02:22:06.000 Yeah.

02:22:08.000 You know, you know that feeling.

02:22:11.000 It's one of the things about having children, you realize it's all about trying to foster love.

02:22:19.000 It's all about that.

02:22:20.000 It's all about you want them to be loving people that meet other loving people.

02:22:25.000 This is possible.

02:22:26.000 This is possible.

02:22:27.000 If this family can get along, and we all love each other and care about each other so much, why can't the human race, why can't all these people get along better?

02:22:36.000 Why can't they?

02:22:36.000 They can, in the ideal circumstances.

02:22:38.000 You're under ideal circumstances.

02:22:41.000 And most people aren't.

02:22:42.000 Well, it's fear.

02:22:44.000 I think that's what keeps people from being vulnerable and hugging and expressing how they feel about each other and supporting, like, unconditional love is getting rid of the fear.

02:22:57.000 You can't be afraid that this love is going to turn on you and this person's going to hurt you.

02:23:02.000 Right.

02:23:02.000 And you have to have had that happen a few times.

02:23:04.000 So you're like, well, I know what that is.

02:23:06.000 Yeah.

02:23:06.000 I must have been annoying.

02:23:08.000 Right.

02:23:12.000 Yeah.

02:23:13.000 Analysis.

02:23:14.000 It's part of the problem.

02:23:15.000 Yeah.

02:23:16.000 We're all part of the problem.

02:23:18.000 Yeah, man.

02:23:20.000 I think it's an interesting time for people to communicate, though.

02:23:23.000 I don't think anybody has ever really gotten to the bottom of things in the past, the way people are trying to get to the bottom of things now.

02:23:33.000 There's a lot of noise.

02:23:35.000 What do you mean, emotionally?

02:23:36.000 I think emotionally, the way we communicate with each other, even the way people are examining government and And examining foreign policy and examining the office of the president and examining voting and the electoral process.

02:23:49.000 There's things that people are analyzing now and looking at it. 0.98

02:23:53.000 I think because of all the chaos of the internet, we kind of lose sight of all the crazy shit that it's doing. 0.59

02:24:00.000 Like, it's doing so many different things and changing things so much that it's rewiring the way people are looking at the world itself. 0.80

02:24:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:24:09.000 And that's why all these fucking drugs are getting legalized. 0.99

02:24:13.000 A giant part of why psilocybin is getting legalized now. 0.99

02:24:17.000 It's decriminalized in Denver.

02:24:19.000 Marijuana is being decriminalized left and right.

02:24:22.000 It's because people here, people like you and me and anyone else that has a brain that understands about drug laws, hear them talking about it.

02:24:32.000 And you go, this is crazy.

02:24:33.000 You can't lock people up for mushrooms and you should take them.

02:24:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:24:36.000 You should fucking take them. 0.99

02:24:37.000 They'll probably fix your brain. 1.00

02:24:38.000 They'll probably give you a new perspective and make you realize you were being a dick. 1.00

02:24:42.000 It's half of what's wrong with us. 0.99

02:24:44.000 Right.

02:24:45.000 We're just worried about how we interface with each other.

02:24:48.000 So you're saying the internet is giving people insights and information that's changing the way we live?

02:24:55.000 I think so, for sure.

02:24:56.000 I think the access to information, because the stream is so large, so much nonsense comes through it, that you lose perspective of all the positive changes taking place because of the internet.

02:25:06.000 Right.

02:25:11.000 All of the information that's been distributed online, whether it's through videos, or through people talking about it, or podcasts, or comedy routines, or just facts with facts-based news organizations.

02:25:25.000 Here's the real facts about marijuana.

02:25:27.000 And, you know, and fatalities.

02:25:29.000 And this is, these are the real facts about where the money's going, how it's going right now to fund cartels, and how this is crazy because we're literally creating an organized crime empire because we're making something that everybody wants.

02:25:41.000 Yeah.

02:25:42.000 Right.

02:25:43.000 I think?

02:26:00.000 Yes, I did.

02:26:01.000 That's the Noah Yuval Harati.

02:26:03.000 Right.

02:26:03.000 The guy that wrote Sapiens.

02:26:05.000 And it basically says that, you know, stories trump facts.

02:26:10.000 And that basically, we are a culture, the human species, has always believed the myth, whether it's religion or whether it's a political dogma, that we are more apt to ignore facts that don't support a story.

02:26:27.000 Because telling facts, being factual, is difficult, because sometimes that fact doesn't jive with what you thought was true, and now you have to rectify that, and that's hard.

02:26:39.000 And so it's easier for us to just say, you know, we're all – Jesus came, and when we die, our sins will be forgiven, and we're supposed to do this, and then if facts come up to negate how long ago man – you know, all the things we know from archaeology – I think it's 46%.

02:27:08.000 Yeah.

02:27:10.000 46% of the country thinks that.

02:27:12.000 But they only think of it in terms of they won't denounce the Bible.

02:27:16.000 Do they really?

02:27:17.000 I mean, if you had a gun to their head, do they really think that?

02:27:19.000 I don't think it's that high. 0.99

02:27:20.000 I think it's a lot of horseshit. 0.76

02:27:22.000 I think there's a lot of people that say, if that's what the Bible says, is that what the Bible says? 0.96

02:27:26.000 Right.

02:27:27.000 I want to believe the story.

02:27:29.000 What did you tell him, Bert?

02:27:29.000 I told him, that's what the Bible says, mama.

02:27:31.000 Good boy!

02:27:32.000 There's a lot of that. 0.99

02:27:33.000 Then he's with his friends, and he cracks open a beer, and he's like, what the fuck does my mama know about how old the fucking earth is? 0.99

02:27:40.000 She barely knows how old she is, and they're just drinking. 0.99

02:27:43.000 Now, a lot of people go to church on Sunday because culturally that's what you do.

02:27:46.000 It doesn't mean they subscribe to all that stuff.

02:27:48.000 But then you got, you know, every four years the government puts out an environmental study that is done by, I think, 12 different departments in the government.

02:27:59.000 And it's considered the quintessential update on where the environment is internationally.

02:28:05.000 And that came out in November.

02:28:07.000 And it was damning about pollutants.

02:28:11.000 And the administration put it out on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving at 3 o'clock in the morning, and they buried it.

02:28:18.000 And in it is everything about global warming you ever needed to know.

02:28:23.000 And they're no longer calling it global warming.

02:28:26.000 They're no longer calling – it's no longer fossil fuel.

02:28:33.000 It's freedom – what is the new thing they're calling it?

02:28:36.000 Freedom.

02:28:37.000 Freedom juice?

02:28:38.000 Yeah.

02:28:39.000 Something like that.

02:28:39.000 Jesus come?

02:28:40.000 They're literally changing the name of fossil fuels.

02:28:44.000 This is the Trump administration?

02:28:45.000 Yeah.

02:28:46.000 Natural gas is being rebranded to Freedom Gas.

02:28:51.000 Wow. 1.00

02:28:52.000 This is like some Team America World Police type shit. 0.99

02:28:55.000 And it's like people that want to deny global warming, it's like the facts are there. 0.99

02:29:01.000 Unrefutable.

02:29:02.000 Well, I don't think anybody's denying that the planet's warming.

02:29:05.000 Right.

02:29:05.000 I think they're denying how much of an impact human beings have and whether or not it's worth...

02:29:10.000 Changing the way we do in industry.

02:29:14.000 And whether or not we need to impose more restrictions on exhaust fumes and factories. 0.79

02:29:23.000 You ever drive by a factory and you see that pillowing smoke in the air? 0.91

02:29:27.000 How the fuck are we allowing that? 0.98

02:29:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:29:30.000 There's places to this day where you drive there and you go, oh, this group gets to pollute the air that the babies breathe. 0.99

02:29:39.000 They do.

02:29:40.000 For this business. 0.99

02:29:41.000 Whatever the fuck they're doing. 0.99

02:29:42.000 What are they, making tires? 1.00

02:29:43.000 They get to pollute the air.

02:29:45.000 What is the worst polluter? 0.99

02:29:46.000 When you drive by a factory and you see the black smoke shooting in the sky, what the fuck are they doing? 0.99

02:29:52.000 Dude, cruise ships. 0.98

02:29:53.000 I think I read they're the number one polluter.

02:29:56.000 They're terrible.

02:29:57.000 We did a thing where we were trying to figure out, was it with, who was it with?

02:30:04.000 Someone was explaining how much devastation cruise ships do in terms of the amount of fuel that they burn and the impact that they have and the fact, oh, it was Valentin Thomas, was it her?

02:30:21.000 They were talking about each cruise ship, how much actual fuel they burn off.

02:30:27.000 It's preposterous.

02:30:28.000 I think I read they're the biggest burners of fossil fuels in the world. 1.00

02:30:32.000 It's a giant fucking metal thing in the water. 0.99

02:30:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:30:35.000 You ever try to push a fucking rowboat? 0.99

02:30:37.000 It's a lot of work. 0.99

02:30:38.000 It's a lot of work. 0.99

02:30:41.000 What assholes are people where they built something like the Titanic? 1.00

02:30:44.000 Just what kind of an asshole says, not only am I going to make it out of metal... 1.00

02:30:51.000 I'm like, can't we just use a bunch of small boats and get people? 1.00

02:30:53.000 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

02:30:55.000 I'm going to make the biggest, biggest boat ever, and when I ride on it, even God can't sink it.

02:31:02.000 I mean, I'm Noah. 0.99

02:31:05.000 Imagine what an asshole you have to be to write, even God can't sink it, on the side of the boat. 1.00

02:31:12.000 Oh, is that what they wrote? 1.00

02:31:13.000 Yes!

02:31:13.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:31:14.000 Wasn't that?

02:31:15.000 That's a fact, right?

02:31:16.000 That better not be an urban myth.

02:31:17.000 I think it said on the side of the Titanic, even God can't sink it.

02:31:21.000 Yeah.

02:31:22.000 Yeah.

02:31:23.000 They wanted these people to be excited.

02:31:25.000 And they're going nowhere.

02:31:27.000 Cruise ship.

02:31:27.000 Just going nowhere.

02:31:28.000 Well, it was something to do back then, man.

02:31:30.000 Imagine living back then.

02:31:33.000 No air conditioning.

02:31:36.000 No TV. What year was that?

02:31:40.000 Titanic?

02:31:41.000 1920s?

02:31:43.000 Yeah, the Roaring Twins.

02:31:44.000 Did it say what I think it said?

02:31:49.000 That's a quote someone said, an employee.

02:31:51.000 I don't know if it was written on it.

02:31:52.000 I thought it was written on it.

02:31:54.000 Oh, it's a launch quote?

02:31:56.000 It was 1911?

02:31:57.000 Quote, rather.

02:31:58.000 1911. Fuck living then. 1.00

02:32:00.000 That's more than 100 years ago. 1.00

02:32:02.000 What kind of cave people were they back then?

02:32:05.000 We were?

02:32:06.000 I said, what kind of cave people were they back then?

02:32:08.000 Yeah.

02:32:08.000 They didn't even have x-ray machines.

02:32:09.000 How the fuck did they sit your broken leg? 0.97

02:32:11.000 What'd they do? 0.99

02:32:12.000 Yeah.

02:32:13.000 What'd they do?

02:32:13.000 This is the thing on the cruise ships.

02:32:14.000 It's a video about how much they pollute.

02:32:17.000 Whoa.

02:32:17.000 Watch a cruise ship pollute as much as 13 million cars in one day is what this video is called.

02:32:23.000 Wow. 1.00

02:32:23.000 No shit. 1.00

02:32:25.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:32:27.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:32:27.000 They've just gotten so much bigger too over time. 1.00

02:32:30.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:32:31.000 19 million cars. 0.99

02:32:33.000 Well, let's just ban cruise ships.

02:32:36.000 Trump.

02:32:36.000 Is there a Trump cruise ship?

02:32:40.000 Why doesn't he have a cruise ship?

02:32:41.000 Only because he hasn't thought of it yet.

02:32:43.000 He's going to hear this podcast.

02:32:46.000 Let's wrap this up because I've got to pee really bad.

02:32:48.000 Gregory, you'll be with me tonight at the Improv.

02:32:51.000 Can't wait.

02:32:52.000 Good times with Monty Franklin, Ally McCroskey.

02:32:55.000 You got some dates?

02:32:56.000 Got some dates coming up, people.

02:32:58.000 I'm going to be in lovely Atlanta at the Punchline June 6th. 0.99

02:33:02.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:33:02.000 Punchline's back? 0.99

02:33:03.000 It's back.

02:33:04.000 It's in a different location.

02:33:05.000 How is it?

02:33:05.000 It's great.

02:33:06.000 It's more intimate.

02:33:08.000 Ooh, nice.

02:33:09.000 And then I'll be in Tampa at SideSplitters on June 13th to the 15th, and then I will be in Buffalo, New York at Helium Comedy Club on June 27th through the 29th.

02:33:24.000 Fitsdog.com for tickets.

02:33:25.000 The podcast is Fitsdog Radio.

02:33:28.000 And then Childish is my other podcast with Allison Rosen. 0.99

02:33:31.000 How fucking professional is he? 0.99

02:33:33.000 It's like you do it for a living. 1.00

02:33:34.000 Oh, wait.

02:33:35.000 All right.

02:33:36.000 Bye, everybody.

02:33:39.000 How long was that?

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 31, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1307 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript