The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1491 - Bill Burr

00:00:00.000 Hello, family man.

00:00:02.000 Hello, sir.

00:00:03.000 Good to see you, brother.

00:00:03.000 Good to see you, too.

00:00:05.000 We were just talking about, like, you have two kids now.

00:00:08.000 You have a real family.

00:00:09.000 You've got to get an SUV. Yeah.

00:00:12.000 Oh, yeah, we had something, but once you get the two car seats in the back and then, you know, with all the shit for the kids and then all the shit your wife has, all of a sudden it's just like, oh, I now understand. 0.99

00:00:22.000 Remember the Suburban? 0.99

00:00:23.000 Yeah.

00:00:23.000 Which was a long, like, blazer?

00:00:25.000 And you look at that thing like, who the fuck needs all of that unless you're, like, homeless and that's where you live? 0.98

00:00:30.000 But then you're like, oh, I get it. 0.99

00:00:32.000 Again, if you have three, four kids, yeah, you definitely need one.

00:00:34.000 You definitely need one. 1.00

00:00:35.000 They always bring a bunch of shit with them, too. 0.99

00:00:37.000 They want to bring stuff. 0.99

00:00:39.000 You have to have room for a toy or this or that.

00:00:39.000 Oh yeah?

00:00:43.000 Those Tesla ones you were talking about, those are great.

00:00:45.000 The X with the crazy doors?

00:00:47.000 Yeah, the Lambo doors.

00:00:48.000 Yeah, those are dope. 0.90

00:00:49.000 Have you ever seen them dance?

00:00:51.000 No.

00:00:51.000 Tiffany Haddish had one.

00:00:52.000 She was in the back of the comedy store.

00:00:54.000 I heard that.

00:00:54.000 And she set it to dance and she puts music on it and the wings start going up and the car starts turning left and right.

00:01:01.000 It's actually pretty badass.

00:01:03.000 It's fun.

00:01:04.000 She's one of the most fun people I've ever hung out with.

00:01:06.000 She's very fun.

00:01:07.000 I wish I was there for that.

00:01:09.000 She had the COVID. She had it.

00:01:11.000 She got it over.

00:01:12.000 She kicked it. 1.00

00:01:14.000 I'm surprised more comics didn't get it the way we're shaking hands and meeting people after shows.

00:01:21.000 Yeah.

00:01:22.000 My wife had the kids, so we had to get tested, so I was...

00:01:25.000 You're clean?

00:01:26.000 Yeah.

00:01:27.000 Big Jay Oakerson got it.

00:01:28.000 He had it, and he's clean.

00:01:30.000 It feels weird to be talking to people that have it.

00:01:32.000 Yeah.

00:01:33.000 I know a lot of people that got it.

00:01:35.000 Yeah.

00:01:35.000 I know about nine...

00:01:36.000 You're naming names like Joe McCarthy over there.

00:01:40.000 They're fine now.

00:01:42.000 Well, I like people who've had it now because they have the antibodies.

00:01:44.000 They think they can walk on fire.

00:01:46.000 It's like, dude, this thing is a brand new thing.

00:01:48.000 I don't know if you want to be testing...

00:01:50.000 You know, I got a buddy of mine ended up getting it, and then he was just like, well, I got tested.

00:01:55.000 I got the antibodies.

00:01:56.000 So now I think he feels like he's bulletproof, so...

00:01:59.000 They don't even know if you can catch it again.

00:02:01.000 They really have no idea.

00:02:02.000 Well, people are going to find out.

00:02:04.000 Yeah, we're going to find out.

00:02:05.000 Yeah, because when I was driving over here, I actually got into a moderate level of traffic on the highway.

00:02:10.000 Like, I've noticed it's just...

00:02:12.000 At some point, I mean, considering people are just kind of doing what they want to do, and a lot of people were. 0.96

00:02:19.000 After two weeks, everyone just sort of, depending on where your ego was, like, you're not going to fucking tell me. 0.98

00:02:24.000 This is all a fucking something. 0.99

00:02:26.000 I'm going to go outside. 1.00

00:02:27.000 Those people, they just kept it going.

00:02:29.000 So now I just feel like, well, you can't have 60% of the population go broke because less than 1% has something.

00:02:36.000 Yeah.

00:02:36.000 So...

00:02:38.000 I don't know.

00:02:39.000 I think we're just going to go back, and if you get it, you get it, and if you die, you die, and if you don't, you don't, and then eventually they're going to get something that'll slow it down or stop it or something like that. 0.99

00:02:52.000 Your fucking immune system. 0.99

00:02:52.000 Here's what slows it down. 0.99

00:02:54.000 They don't tell you a goddamn thing about that. 0.98

00:02:55.000 They don't tell you how to take care of your immune system. 0.97

00:02:57.000 There's no word about that.

00:02:59.000 Put a mask on.

00:03:00.000 Wash your hands. 0.95

00:03:01.000 No one's telling you sleep more, drink water, take vitamins.

00:03:04.000 There's none of that.

00:03:05.000 Yeah, and I know this one guy who brought up vitamin D on his big podcast and then you couldn't find it anymore. 0.99

00:03:09.000 Dude, you're like fucking Oprah when she attacked the meat industry. 0.97

00:03:12.000 I just saw a clip. 0.99

00:03:13.000 Oh, this guy on Rogan.

00:03:15.000 Of course, I didn't even research who the guy was.

00:03:17.000 It was just like, take vitamin D. It was a woman. 1.00

00:03:18.000 It was a woman. 0.60

00:03:19.000 That's how much I pay attention. 1.00

00:03:20.000 And then I go to the fucking health food store. 0.99

00:03:22.000 It's all gone. 0.99

00:03:23.000 And there was something like this bootleg vitamin D. It was like vitamin D plus.

00:03:27.000 I'm like, what is that?

00:03:29.000 What is that?

00:03:30.000 I know that that's probably going to make me catch it.

00:03:32.000 I just take vitamin C and I try to get eight hours sleep.

00:03:36.000 I've been doing a pretty good job.

00:03:38.000 I'm pretty antisocial like a lot of comics, so I haven't had a problem.

00:03:42.000 Keep it away from everybody?

00:03:45.000 I quarantine in my house.

00:03:46.000 My wife says, are you guys going to sit down and have dinner with us?

00:03:48.000 I'm always over in the corner.

00:03:50.000 If I'm alone, no one can hurt me. 1.00

00:03:56.000 Just leftover childhood shit. 1.00

00:03:58.000 Just coming from a family of loners. 1.00

00:04:00.000 Do you feel weird not doing stand-up?

00:04:02.000 What has that been like?

00:04:05.000 I did not miss it at all.

00:04:08.000 But I think that whenever there's something painful in my life, I think that that's what I do.

00:04:13.000 I just go, I don't care. 0.99

00:04:14.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:04:15.000 I really learned a lot more about myself during this quiet time of not running around and going to airports and kind of sitting with myself and being like, wow, I thought I was way further down the road Working on myself than I was, but I have a lot of fucking childhood issues left over. 0.99

00:04:35.000 Isn't that crazy? 0.95

00:04:36.000 All these puzzle pieces just started coming in, and I was able to look all the way back where I was to where I am now and how I got here, and these little fucking things that happened to me. 0.94

00:04:49.000 You know, good things and bad that just sort of knocked me down this road that I'm on. 0.63

00:04:54.000 Just sitting alone with alone time?

00:04:56.000 Yeah, well, you know, my wife was going through, you know, the third trimester, you know, when they're just over it, and you're like, oh God, there's six weeks to go.

00:05:05.000 I made it happen now!

00:05:06.000 He's like, oh no.

00:05:10.000 You know, I'd finally, you know, get my daughter to bed, get her to bed, everything was good, made sure all the doors were locked, and then I was just sort of like, why, you know, all these years of doing stand-up, I'm just up at that hour.

00:05:21.000 Right.

00:05:21.000 So I was just sort of, you know, sitting kind of by myself, like I... I don't know.

00:05:27.000 I haven't been watching TV, like the news.

00:05:29.000 You just brought up three things. 0.99

00:05:30.000 You see, he's going on Seattle with the fucking FCC, whatever he says. 0.99

00:05:33.000 I don't even know what it is. 0.99

00:05:36.000 What is Tifa?

00:05:37.000 Antifa, they call themselves anti-fascists. 1.00

00:05:40.000 And they wear masks and carry sticks and helmets and shit. 0.99

00:05:46.000 And intimidate people? 0.99

00:05:47.000 Exactly.

00:05:48.000 To stop fascism.

00:05:49.000 They use fascism to stop fascism.

00:05:51.000 And they blocked off, I think, six blocks of Seattle and they declared it a police-free zone.

00:05:56.000 This is occupied by the people of Seattle and you can't use money in that police-free zone.

00:06:01.000 You know, Joe, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's not going to end well.

00:06:04.000 It's not going to end well at all. 0.99

00:06:05.000 The only thing that's going to keep it from ending badly is that Seattle is kind of a fucked up city. 0.99

00:06:10.000 They tolerate a lot of homelessness. 0.98

00:06:12.000 Seattle's got a lot of weird laws.

00:06:15.000 I forget the way it's described.

00:06:18.000 I think it's a mutual combat state.

00:06:19.000 That's what it's described. 1.00

00:06:20.000 So if you're in front of a cop, say if I'm a cop, and you and Jamie decide to duke it out, you can just say, you want to fight, motherfucker? 1.00

00:06:27.000 And he'll go, yeah, I want to fight. 0.99

00:06:29.000 And the cops will let you fight. 1.00

00:06:31.000 Because it's some Wild West mining shit from like the fucking 1600s. 1.00

00:06:35.000 Settled it like men. 1.00

00:06:36.000 No lawsuits.

00:06:37.000 I like it.

00:06:38.000 You can duke it out in the middle of the street.

00:06:40.000 It's very dangerous though. 0.94

00:06:41.000 People getting knocked out on the street is fucking terrifying because they fall and they hit their head and they go unconscious. 0.92

00:06:47.000 And there's no refs to stop those last nine hammer fists. 1.00

00:06:50.000 Well, I think the cops are supposed to do that. 0.98

00:06:51.000 The cops are supposed to act as a referee too. 1.00

00:06:53.000 There's videos of guys getting into street fights in Seattle and cops just standing around watching.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, it's real weird.

00:07:01.000 I don't have a problem.

00:07:02.000 If two people are willing to do it, and they know the risks, you know if you get hit, you're going to fall and crack your head on the back of the curb there?

00:07:13.000 A lot of them are drunk, though.

00:07:14.000 They don't know the risks.

00:07:15.000 There was one of them, this kid, I think his last name is Fodor.

00:07:20.000 I think Carlos Fodor.

00:07:21.000 He was an MMA fighter, and he would dress up like a superhero.

00:07:25.000 See if you can find out.

00:07:26.000 Do you remember his name?

00:07:28.000 Anyway...

00:07:31.000 Well, I... I don't have any sympathy for those people.

00:07:54.000 I think he called himself Phoenix Jones. 1.00

00:07:55.000 If I saw a guy walking around dressed like a superhero, I'd be like, that guy's out of his fucking mind. 0.99

00:08:00.000 And I would give him a wide berth. 0.99

00:08:03.000 Hoping he was on his way to his place of solitude, whatever.

00:08:08.000 Maybe he's on his way home to his ice house.

00:08:11.000 He's on his way to the Batcave or some cosplay convention. 0.99

00:08:14.000 But if I was younger, yeah, I might have, you know, if I was standing in a crowd, yeah, I probably would have done some fucking punk shit like that. 0.98

00:08:21.000 Couple of whiskeys in, yeah? 0.99

00:08:22.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:08:23.000 Get my fucking orange wig slapped off. 1.00

00:08:25.000 Yeah, probably. 1.00

00:08:29.000 So Seattle is run by a warlord. 0.99

00:08:32.000 One fucking dude, apparently, according to my friend, who's a SEAL, was running this entire seven block or six block area of Seattle. 0.99

00:08:41.000 They spray painted all the windows on this. 1.00

00:08:43.000 Yeah, you know.

00:08:43.000 Okay.

00:08:44.000 Talk to me in three days.

00:08:46.000 It's been going on a lot longer than that.

00:08:47.000 It'll be fine.

00:08:48.000 You think so?

00:08:49.000 Yes.

00:08:50.000 When is this going to happen?

00:08:50.000 Do you think this warlord's what?

00:08:52.000 Is he going to have 10 blocks and then 11 and then he's going to take over all of Washington?

00:08:56.000 I mean, he's going to run out of men.

00:08:58.000 They have guns.

00:08:59.000 Okay.

00:09:00.000 That's the problem.

00:09:01.000 The problem is that they're openly carrying rifles inside this six-block thing.

00:09:05.000 I know, but they need to eat, okay?

00:09:07.000 And then no supplies are going to get in that seven blocks.

00:09:10.000 They're just going to wait them out.

00:09:11.000 Or they're going to come in with superior firepower.

00:09:14.000 It's not going to end well, Joe.

00:09:16.000 I don't think it's going to end well.

00:09:17.000 I don't know how it's going to end.

00:09:19.000 Alright, let's guess the scenario.

00:09:22.000 Okay.

00:09:23.000 Alright, how many bodies?

00:09:24.000 What's the over-under?

00:09:25.000 It makes four people die.

00:09:27.000 How many are there?

00:09:28.000 How many of them are there?

00:09:29.000 Thousands, I think.

00:09:31.000 Thousands and you're only going with four.

00:09:33.000 That's a good number. 1.00

00:09:34.000 That's like a Vegas number where you're like, fuck. 1.00

00:09:36.000 They always pick the perfect. 1.00

00:09:37.000 Do I go over or do I go under this?

00:09:39.000 The Price is Right. 0.98

00:09:40.000 I don't know how many fucking people are in there, but the photos that I saw, the place is packed, filled with people like they're just getting out of a Chappelle show. 0.99

00:09:47.000 Look at this. 0.99

00:09:48.000 These are the people.

00:09:49.000 They took City Hall.

00:09:50.000 Oh, they took City Hall.

00:09:51.000 They own City Hall now?

00:09:52.000 Oh, now most of them are white, so I don't see the staying power of this. 0.99

00:09:56.000 Wait, what did you just say?

00:09:57.000 They opened the door for them?

00:09:59.000 Yeah.

00:10:00.000 They gave them City Hall.

00:10:01.000 So this is City Hall they're walking into right now?

00:10:03.000 Yeah, this is, yeah.

00:10:04.000 Well, this is going to be funny now when they get in and they don't know what to do.

00:10:07.000 Let me hear some volume on this, Jamie. 0.99

00:10:09.000 I want to hear what the fuck they're yelling. 0.99

00:10:17.000 Something about Jamie Masada. 0.99

00:10:24.000 Jamie's got to go?

00:10:25.000 Yeah.

00:10:27.000 The Laugh Factory in Long Beach got looted last night.

00:10:30.000 Oh God, I can't imagine how many puppets they took.

00:10:35.000 Is there puppets in the Laugh Factory in Long Beach? 1.00

00:10:37.000 There's these giant creepy fucking mannequins. 0.99

00:10:39.000 That place is, you know, I love that place. 1.00

00:10:41.000 I love performing there.

00:10:42.000 But some of the Jamie's decor. 0.99

00:10:44.000 One of my favorite things to do in this business is shit on Jamie Masada. 0.99

00:10:47.000 He knows I love him. 0.99

00:10:48.000 Buddy.

00:10:49.000 Bill Burr.

00:10:50.000 Black Lives Matter, buddy.

00:10:52.000 Don't burn down my club.

00:10:53.000 Yes, please, buddy.

00:10:56.000 This business has always been weird like that.

00:10:58.000 No, that's why you're the king, dude, because you got outside of it, but you're totally in it, and they can't get you.

00:11:04.000 They can't get you.

00:11:05.000 I'm piling up some stories here, being in the Matrix.

00:11:10.000 I won't get into them, but it's the same.

00:11:13.000 It's just the same old... 0.98

00:11:15.000 Corporations only know how to do business one fucking way, and it's just... 0.98

00:11:19.000 Well, they push their advantage. 0.99

00:11:21.000 They push their advantage, they have their leverage, and they want the biggest slice of the pie.

00:11:26.000 That's what they do.

00:11:27.000 I don't have a problem with that.

00:11:28.000 It's when they go beyond that and they just straight up steal.

00:11:30.000 Are they stealing from you?

00:11:31.000 Everybody does.

00:11:32.000 Every time you get in business with corporate guys, this is how it works.

00:11:35.000 It's like the check.

00:11:37.000 We're in business to make money from them and then you get in business with them and then the check goes to the corporate guy and then you get your cut off of his checkbook. 0.99

00:11:45.000 So right there, I am immediately in a situation where there's no way I can steal from him, but he can rob me fucking blind. 0.97

00:11:51.000 Right. 0.76

00:11:52.000 And you can add a bunch of expenses on the things that- Front end load expenses to make it look like they're losing money.

00:11:58.000 And yeah.

00:11:58.000 That's Hollywood accounting.

00:11:59.000 Yeah.

00:12:00.000 No, it's stealing.

00:12:01.000 It's stealing is what it is.

00:12:02.000 They just call it Hollywood accounting.

00:12:03.000 But it's not Hollywood accounting.

00:12:05.000 It's corporate accounting. 0.96

00:12:07.000 It's scumbag accounting. 0.91

00:12:08.000 And it's how they do it, and they sleep at night, and then they always have, oh, that's over in the accounting section of the building, not over here where me and my yacht are. 0.92

00:12:19.000 I'm like artist friendly. 0.90

00:12:20.000 You know, I majored in fucking liberal arts in college.

00:12:23.000 Well, what was really interesting when podcasts started to take off, they started to try to get in with the old model and weasel into podcasts and buy pieces of podcasts. 0.97

00:12:35.000 Your deal is gonna... 0.85

00:12:38.000 If you think the fucking industry is gonna sit back when they didn't get to wet their beak on that thing, I'm going to tell every young comic when we get back to this shit, is what they're going to do now is what the music industry did, where they started signing straight across the board deals. 0.99

00:12:52.000 They're going to get some young kid who's got no power in the business and is just like, you know, we'll help you create a podcast. 0.99

00:12:58.000 You know, we're signed with so-and-so, blah, blah, blah. 0.99

00:13:00.000 And what they're going to do is they're going to own the podcast, the advertising money is going to go to them, and they're going to rob them fucking blind. 0.99

00:13:06.000 100%. 0.97

00:13:07.000 They're going to 100%, 100% going to fucking steal from them, rob them, fucking blind, and then when they get audited and they get caught stealing, they're going to label that kid, that young comic, difficult to work with. 0.99

00:13:19.000 Meaning difficult to steal from. 0.99

00:13:21.000 It's already happening.

00:13:22.000 Yeah.

00:13:24.000 I know guys, young guys, I won't name any names, but they've come up to me and go, hey, I'm signed to this management company, they want to sign me, but they want a piece of my podcast, they want a piece of this, and they want it in perpetuity.

00:13:37.000 There's no reason, there's no reason.

00:13:39.000 You've got to tell people that.

00:13:40.000 Oh, I tell them.

00:13:41.000 You've got to tell people, do not- I tell them, don't give up anything.

00:13:44.000 Don't give up anything.

00:13:45.000 It's all you.

00:13:45.000 Don't ever.

00:13:46.000 Because they're not going to do anything for you. 0.71

00:13:47.000 What they're going to do is move the ball quicker that first fucking two years, and then the rest is all going to be you. 0.81

00:13:53.000 If you just hang in there and struggle a little bit, like... 0.98

00:13:56.000 You've got to grind.

00:13:58.000 You've just got to hang in there and keep going.

00:13:59.000 I mean, I've got a lot of offers to buy half of the podcast, or to buy...

00:14:03.000 And I... Nothing.

00:14:05.000 I won't do it.

00:14:06.000 I'll never do it.

00:14:07.000 But then Spotify came along and they said, we'll give you a licensing deal.

00:14:11.000 So just put it on our network for three months, but you still own it.

00:14:14.000 I'm like, alright, we're in.

00:14:15.000 And that's why we did it that way.

00:14:17.000 But this comic that I won't name, he was telling me that this management company, they wanted to sign him, they wanted to own a piece of his podcast forever. 0.96

00:14:25.000 And I'm like, that is fucking crazy.

00:14:27.000 Yeah, because what they're going to look at it is they're going to make it like if you started a podcast while you were with this manager or while you were with this agent, it'll be like back in the day when you booked a sitcom. 0.97

00:14:38.000 And then if you left the agency or the manager throughout the lifetime of that sitcom, you owed the commission to them.

00:14:38.000 Exactly.

00:14:44.000 Exactly.

00:14:45.000 But back then, you needed them to do that. 0.96

00:14:46.000 You don't need them for the podcast, but they're going to do that, so then you're going to leave this manager, and then for the rest of your fucking life, you're going to be paying this never-ending alimony.

00:14:55.000 I mean, there'll be guys, eventually, they'll try to take 50, 60, I own your podcast, managers will start, agents will start podcast networks, because there's nobody regulating them.

00:15:06.000 To not do that anymore.

00:15:08.000 I got an offer just five years ago from a company that was a radio company that wanted 50% of the podcast.

00:15:14.000 They were going to give me no money.

00:15:15.000 They wanted 50% of the podcast just to be associated with them.

00:15:18.000 And they're like, we're going to pull together all these advertisers and it's going to help your revenue.

00:15:23.000 50%.

00:15:25.000 No, but that's the same model.

00:15:25.000 And they never deliver with what they say they're gonna, and then they come in and they just gut the thing.

00:15:31.000 Well, the beautiful thing about podcasts is podcasts all get big on word of mouth.

00:15:35.000 Like, I've never advertised this podcast.

00:15:37.000 I never did anything with it.

00:15:38.000 I never bought billboards or put ads up anywhere.

00:15:41.000 It's just from word of mouth. 0.87

00:15:43.000 And the way other podcasts grow is people get on people's podcasts and they say, hey, you listen to Bill Burr's podcast, Monday Morning Podcast, fucking hilarious. 0.78

00:15:51.000 And then it just grows.

00:15:53.000 But I think it's the job of people making money in podcasting to let new podcasters know, do not sign those deals ever. 0.97

00:15:59.000 Do not let the fox into the henhouse because they're going to fucking rob you blind. 0.88

00:16:05.000 And you don't need them. 0.98

00:16:06.000 I saw this documentary one time on this heavy metal band, Anvil, right?

00:16:10.000 This crazy thing about this band that just was around forever and never quite made it.

00:16:14.000 And I think it was that one.

00:16:16.000 It's one of those ones about an old metal band from the 80s.

00:16:19.000 And this guy said... 1.00

00:16:20.000 The truest shit ever. 0.99

00:16:21.000 When he was talking about the music business, and this goes straight across podcasts and everything, he goes, you're better to own something 100% and only sell 20,000 copies than you are to not own it at all and sell 20 million. 0.99

00:16:35.000 You're literally going to make more if you just sell 20 million.

00:16:37.000 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

00:16:38.000 Yeah, no, they're fucked. 1.00

00:16:39.000 And then another thing that they do, oh my god, dude, another thing that they do is then all the people that they lose on, they dump that on you. 1.00

00:16:47.000 Yes, yes.

00:16:48.000 Like I remember one time, I forget what it, I was with this network and I had a CD that was already made.

00:16:56.000 I already made it and I just wanted them to put it out on their label and they wanted to own the CD. And I was like, no, I don't want you to own it.

00:17:05.000 I just need you to distribute it.

00:17:08.000 I need you as a distributor.

00:17:09.000 And the guy said to me, he goes, well, you know, ownership shouldn't be that big a deal for you.

00:17:13.000 It should be about exposure.

00:17:15.000 I said, all right, well, let me ask you this.

00:17:16.000 If ownership shouldn't be that big a deal to me, why is it such a big deal to you?

00:17:21.000 And he started, like, stammering.

00:17:22.000 And then he basically said, well, you know, we get in business with something.

00:17:26.000 He named a couple other comics whose CDs didn't sell.

00:17:29.000 And we have to recoup those losses.

00:17:31.000 It's like, that ain't my fault.

00:17:32.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

00:17:33.000 I could have told you not to sign that fucking jerk off. 1.00

00:17:36.000 It's not my fault you didn't do the fucking work. 1.00

00:17:39.000 So that's the way... 0.99

00:17:42.000 I had another one, one time I signed, this was back when I made like CDs and I did one and I had a 60-40.

00:17:47.000 You get, you know, I was getting 60 and they were getting 40, but their 40 was off the gross, mine was off the net, and all expenses for the album was on me.

00:17:56.000 It's like, I thought we were doing this together.

00:17:57.000 Every fucking thing, the artwork, printing it, all of that, all of those expenses came to me, and in the end, that 60-40, 60 net, 40 gross, they made way more money than I did. 0.98

00:18:09.000 It's just how they... 0.99

00:18:09.000 And you're like, oh, okay, well, I'm getting $6 on every 10. Yeah, plus... 0.99

00:18:13.000 But anything...

00:18:15.000 It's just hilarious that they would come up to you and tell you that we did some deals with some other comics. 0.99

00:18:19.000 Dude, I got in business one time to make this TV show and the fucking guy sends the bill for the whole fucking thing. 0.96

00:18:25.000 I shouldn't be saying that, but this is a while ago, right? 0.98

00:18:28.000 The guy was going to bill us $2,500 a month to use his copier machine and another, I don't know, $4,500 to use his editing.

00:18:36.000 It's like, dude, we have both of those things.

00:18:38.000 We don't need those.

00:18:39.000 Let's take that money and put it on the screen.

00:18:41.000 We're trying to get this thing to go. 0.99

00:18:44.000 Oh, it's the funniest shit ever. 0.98

00:18:46.000 He goes like, I'm insulted by those questions or something like that, which is my favorite thing ever. 1.00

00:18:55.000 You're a fucking thief and you actually have the audacity. 1.00

00:18:59.000 To be, like, taken aback. 1.00

00:19:01.000 Like, fanning yourself.

00:19:02.000 Like, I can't believe you just... 1.00

00:19:03.000 How many fucking shows are you charging $2,500 a month to go, you know, fucking... 1.00

00:19:08.000 Use your copy machine. 1.00

00:19:10.000 Yeah.

00:19:10.000 That's a lot of money.

00:19:11.000 That's rent for a nice apartment. 1.00

00:19:14.000 No, fucking thieves. 1.00

00:19:17.000 For a copy machine? 1.00

00:19:18.000 How much does it cost to use that copy machine, really?

00:19:21.000 First of all, the copy machine probably doesn't even cost $2,500.

00:19:24.000 He's probably renting it. 0.99

00:19:25.000 Probably rents it for a couple hundred bucks a fucking month. 0.99

00:19:28.000 But even to buy a copy machine. 0.99

00:19:29.000 He probably has nine shows paying $2,500 a month for him to go, that's it.

00:19:34.000 If you have a really big one, one of those commercial-grade copy machines, what does it cost, $10,000?

00:19:39.000 How much could it cost?

00:19:41.000 I mean, I think he's bought a couple of houses off of owning that copier machine. 0.98

00:19:46.000 And I just love telling these fucking stories because these are the things that you like. 0.98

00:19:50.000 What's great about podcasting is you can say this. 1.00

00:19:52.000 This is for every person out there who has a fucking business. 0.98

00:19:56.000 And, you know, there's that thing where you want to take it to the next level. 0.99

00:20:00.000 And then these guys come in and then they're all just like, yeah, well, hey, we're going to take a piece of it. 0.98

00:20:05.000 And they take a big fucking chunk out of it. 0.94

00:20:07.000 And what they do is their risk is all the way down here. 0.96

00:20:10.000 Yours is up here.

00:20:11.000 And then somehow they just I'm telling you, like, you're better.

00:20:15.000 You better just sell 20,000 copies, own it 100% than 20 million and not own any of it because you're going to make more money.

00:20:21.000 That's just how the game is played. 1.00

00:20:23.000 And those fucking guys who steal from people, they sleep very comfortably. 0.99

00:20:27.000 But it's also just podcasts, just the stress of dealing with other people is eliminated. 1.00

00:20:32.000 Just the stress of dealing with production people, executives.

00:20:35.000 It slows it down.

00:20:36.000 Yeah, it's awful.

00:20:37.000 It's awful.

00:20:38.000 Yeah, I mean, the only thing Spotify has ever done so far...

00:20:42.000 Is ask, do you know who the first guest will be?

00:20:46.000 And already I'm like, ugh.

00:20:49.000 They're going to be who they're going to be.

00:20:51.000 They're going to be great.

00:20:52.000 I'm going to try to get my best friends, the funniest people.

00:20:54.000 That's them justifying their desk. 0.98

00:20:57.000 I can't just sit here like, Joe knows what he's doing.

00:21:00.000 Any idea?

00:21:02.000 I'd like to start an email chain and we could maybe circle back later and have a conference call.

00:21:08.000 And they're just trying to fill up their...

00:21:10.000 Yeah, they're just having to use time.

00:21:12.000 But the Spotify people have been great.

00:21:14.000 They literally said, we don't want to do anything.

00:21:16.000 We want you to just do what you're doing.

00:21:18.000 Just do what you're doing.

00:21:19.000 But even asking me who the guest is going to be, I was like, oh no.

00:21:22.000 Please let this be the only question.

00:21:25.000 Yeah.

00:21:26.000 I'm never available.

00:21:27.000 And that's nothing, though.

00:21:28.000 That's nothing.

00:21:29.000 I mean, they're great.

00:21:30.000 But could you imagine if you were doing that with a network?

00:21:32.000 Like, imagine if you were in business with ABC or something like that, and they were helping produce your podcast.

00:21:36.000 You'd have to go in for meetings.

00:21:38.000 You'd have to go and sign into the office. 1.00

00:21:40.000 Bill, you sign in here, you go and sit down and waste your fucking afternoon having some dopey conversation. 0.99

00:21:45.000 You kind of complain a lot when you read these letters, Bill. 0.99

00:21:50.000 Do you have to when people are signing the emails?

00:21:52.000 Maybe you should be happier.

00:21:53.000 Can we get a reread on the blah, blah, blah?

00:21:57.000 How do you feel about product placement?

00:22:00.000 Because we've got a great deal with Coca-Cola.

00:22:05.000 Look, I just wanted to tell a few of those younger people out there because it actually really bothers me.

00:22:12.000 That people do that to people.

00:22:14.000 Yes.

00:22:14.000 It really bothers me.

00:22:16.000 And I love comics.

00:22:17.000 And I love seeing new comics coming up that have talent. 0.98

00:22:20.000 And I hate seeing them get fucked over. 0.96

00:22:22.000 So hopefully people listen and they do it. 1.00

00:22:25.000 But they're fucking worms, man. 1.00

00:22:27.000 They're fucking worms. 1.00

00:22:28.000 There's a lot of worms out there. 1.00

00:22:30.000 And there's a lot of worms that try to grab comics that are talented but real raw.

00:22:34.000 And they try to lock you up to some enormous lifetime management deal.

00:22:39.000 And when you take off and you have something...

00:22:42.000 Dude, I remember back in the day when everyone... 0.53

00:22:46.000 Companies were like shooting specials before comics started shooting them and the amount of guys that got that yeah We only got enough money for to shoot one You know to only you can only shoot at one time, but you're gonna crush it man You got this hour down We only got enough in the budget and then they'd show up early and they'd be shooting another comic special Off their money the deal to double them as a management company what they would get or an agency the amount of fucking times that that happened with the same audience Do you want to hear the best one I ever heard?

00:23:15.000 Jim Brewer was filming a special, sold out this theater, and the people that were filming the special told him that the money for the ticket sales was theirs because it was all about the production.

00:23:28.000 Because the money that people were paying for the production, he's like... 0.99

00:23:32.000 The fuck are you talking about? 0.99

00:23:34.000 This is my audience. 1.00

00:23:35.000 Like, that's my money.

00:23:37.000 His management tried to steal the money from ticket sales and say that it went towards production.

00:23:45.000 Went all the way to court with it. 0.99

00:23:47.000 His manager's on the way to court, has a fucking panic attack, goes to the hospital. 0.99

00:23:51.000 Like, the whole thing's a nightmare. 0.99

00:23:54.000 I think Jim won.

00:23:55.000 Yeah, of course he won.

00:23:56.000 Well, it's thievery.

00:23:59.000 It's thievery.

00:24:00.000 People are paying to see Jim Brewer. 1.00

00:24:02.000 I have a million of those fucking stores. 1.00

00:24:06.000 I have a lot of those, too. 1.00

00:24:07.000 But this is the thing.

00:24:08.000 This is what kills me about a lot of this...

00:24:13.000 There's rhetoric that's going on out there, which I agree with 90% of it, but if you agree with 100% of it, you and I are not supposed to be having stories like this.

00:24:21.000 We're supposed to be the ones doing it.

00:24:24.000 What do you mean?

00:24:25.000 As far as the whole, oh, you're a white male, heterosexual, doors just fly open, and people are like, hey, what are your dreams? 1.00

00:24:35.000 I'm not saying, and I'm obviously not bitching, but I'm just saying that Like, people will fuck you. 1.00

00:24:42.000 It's all about money. 1.00

00:24:43.000 It's all about money. 1.00

00:24:43.000 They don't give a fuck, and they all, those people that do that shit, really... 1.00

00:24:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:49.000 Well, there's a long history of Hollywood accounting.

00:24:51.000 There's a long history of that.

00:24:52.000 I mean, there's been so many stories about people who made killer hit movies and never got paid.

00:24:57.000 Because Hollywood's like, look, you know, we have this much had to go to advertising, and this is the production. 0.98

00:25:02.000 Look how bad Elvis got fucked. 0.99

00:25:04.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:25:05.000 Elvis got fucked so bad, and then one of the main ways he got fucked on the road, he only did one out-of-the-country date, I believe he did Toronto, and he never traveled the world because his manager had something going on with his visa, and he was worried if he left, he wouldn't be able to come back. 0.99

00:25:19.000 So that kind of, like, fucked him out of a ton of fucking money and seeing the world or whatever the fuck he might have wanted to do. 0.99

00:25:27.000 Keep doing these movies, Elvis! 0.99

00:25:29.000 You know how to go on the road!

00:25:30.000 That is hilarious.

00:25:32.000 Well, you know, the best version of breaking down how corrupt the music business is was by Courtney Love.

00:25:38.000 They said she had a ghostwriter.

00:25:40.000 I don't know, but she did. 1.00

00:25:41.000 But it's a great article that she wrote documenting exactly how much you get paid versus how much money gets generated and where it all goes and how they fuck you. 0.99

00:25:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:52.000 No, it's...

00:25:54.000 They've always done it that way.

00:25:55.000 I mean, that's always the way they've done it.

00:25:58.000 That's the answer.

00:25:59.000 They take these young people. 0.99

00:25:59.000 That's the answer to it. 0.99

00:26:01.000 Well, I mean, that's how it's done.

00:26:03.000 So, whatever.

00:26:03.000 That's how we do it.

00:26:04.000 I don't want to fucking sit here bitching the whole time. 0.99

00:26:05.000 Hey, are you smoking cigars? 0.99

00:26:06.000 Are you done?

00:26:07.000 I quit, but I smoke like one or two a month. 0.99

00:26:13.000 Oh, God damn it, Joe. 0.99

00:26:15.000 I got these from Mike Binder. 0.99

00:26:17.000 They're good, too.

00:26:18.000 Yes.

00:26:18.000 What?

00:26:21.000 Well, I guess I didn't quit today, did I? Come on, Billy.

00:26:28.000 Fun times.

00:26:28.000 Are we doing this?

00:26:29.000 Yes, let's do it.

00:26:30.000 All right.

00:26:31.000 You had a kid.

00:26:31.000 Come on, we've got to celebrate.

00:26:33.000 You have to.

00:26:34.000 There you go.

00:26:34.000 It's my birthday yesterday, too.

00:26:35.000 Oh, that's right.

00:26:36.000 Happy birthday.

00:26:36.000 Thank you.

00:26:37.000 You're 38 again.

00:26:39.000 52, brother. 1.00

00:26:40.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:26:41.000 That's me, too. 0.99

00:26:42.000 52 pickup.

00:26:43.000 Isn't that a weird number?

00:26:44.000 Like you say it, it doesn't seem real.

00:26:47.000 Well, I think in your 50s, nothing matters until the odometer flips to 60. And then you're just like, fuck. 1.00

00:26:52.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:26:53.000 60? 0.99

00:26:53.000 Guys in their 60s that fucking hang in there? 0.99

00:26:55.000 Yeah, sorry. 1.00

00:26:56.000 Guys in their 60s that hang in there.

00:26:57.000 Is this the Ted Nugent one? 1.00

00:26:58.000 Look at this with the fucking... 1.00

00:26:59.000 That's a serious one. 1.00

00:27:00.000 That's from Benchmade Knives.

00:27:04.000 That's an awesome knife company.

00:27:05.000 They gave me a good cigar cutter.

00:27:09.000 Mmm.

00:27:10.000 Mmm. 0.99

00:27:12.000 You sound like Bill Murray in fucking What About Bob, which I just watched the other day, you know, when he's eating the food? 1.00

00:27:17.000 Great fucking movie. 0.99

00:27:17.000 That's a perfect movie. 0.99

00:27:22.000 When he's fucking eating. 0.99

00:27:25.000 We did a family movie night, basically every day of the pandemic. 1.00

00:27:30.000 It was...

00:27:32.000 First couple of months...

00:27:38.000 Basically every night we watch a new movie.

00:27:40.000 Watched every single Adam Sandler movie.

00:27:42.000 Watched Groundhog Day again.

00:27:44.000 I forgot how good Groundhog Day was.

00:27:50.000 These are delicious.

00:27:52.000 Shout out to Mike Binder.

00:27:55.000 Yeah, they're very good.

00:27:59.000 Anyway.

00:28:00.000 Anyway.

00:28:01.000 But podcasting is fun.

00:28:02.000 Yes.

00:28:02.000 Look, it's a great business.

00:28:04.000 I mean, I started off because I was kind of depressed because I had to move back here from Colorado.

00:28:10.000 I thought I had escaped.

00:28:11.000 I thought I was gone.

00:28:12.000 I was like, I'm out. 1.00

00:28:13.000 Fuck LA. I can't take these crowds and everything. 1.00

00:28:16.000 I want peace and I want the wilderness.

00:28:18.000 I live in the mountains.

00:28:19.000 I remember that. 0.99

00:28:20.000 And then you had to have a Glock when you went out to go get your mail so you didn't get eaten by a fucking bobcat or something. 0.99

00:28:25.000 Mountain Lion. 0.99

00:28:26.000 Mountain Lion, yeah.

00:28:26.000 Yeah, I saw one in the yard.

00:28:28.000 That could be an issue.

00:28:31.000 I know.

00:28:32.000 That's basically a middleweight tiger.

00:28:35.000 It's a welterweight.

00:28:37.000 150 pounds.

00:28:37.000 Welterweight.

00:28:39.000 147. Welterweight tiger.

00:28:44.000 Welterweight boxing, at least.

00:28:45.000 Welterweight MMA is 170. Yeah.

00:28:48.000 Yeah.

00:28:49.000 It's a weird animal to see in the woods, too, because you know if that thing runs at you, you literally have no chance.

00:28:54.000 They're scared of you, though.

00:28:55.000 They don't want nothing to do with you for the most part. 0.99

00:28:57.000 If they're really hungry and really old, they'll fuck you up. 0.98

00:29:00.000 That's why I try to tell, you know, My wife, whenever you're outside, I'm like, Mama Bear is next to the cub. 0.99

00:29:07.000 Always, always.

00:29:09.000 I go, there's coyotes, and they're getting bold because everyone was inside. 0.99

00:29:12.000 And they come down every night looking for a little dog or a little fucking cat. 0.99

00:29:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:16.000 You hear that shit going down. 1.00

00:29:18.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:29:19.000 In the hills, every wife, you're like, you know, once two, you just hear... 0.99

00:29:23.000 Which is basically the dog like, what the fuck is that? 0.99

00:29:26.000 You know? 0.99

00:29:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:27.000 Fucking brutal. 1.00

00:29:28.000 Yeah, it's gross. 0.99

00:29:29.000 It's scary because a little cleanup crew goes around and catches animals slipping in the backyard.

00:29:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:36.000 I don't understand people who let little dogs out because those fucking coyotes, they'll figure out a way in. 0.99

00:29:41.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:29:42.000 Well, they're very smart.

00:29:43.000 They have to survive.

00:29:45.000 They figure out a way. 1.00

00:29:47.000 Little creepy fucks. 1.00

00:29:49.000 Yeah, they are little creepy fucks. 1.00

00:29:50.000 They're everywhere. 1.00

00:29:51.000 They're in every city.

00:29:51.000 Can I promote this movie?

00:29:53.000 F is for Family, too.

00:29:54.000 F is for Family, season four.

00:29:56.000 It's coming out tomorrow.

00:29:59.000 Tomorrow I got two big things coming out and then that's it.

00:30:01.000 I'm dried up.

00:30:02.000 Because everybody in the interview is like, what's next for you after these two things?

00:30:04.000 That's it.

00:30:05.000 It's the pandemic.

00:30:07.000 Are you going to start going on the road at all?

00:30:09.000 Clubs are opening up.

00:30:11.000 Yeah.

00:30:11.000 I'm going to see how you guys do.

00:30:15.000 I'll let you guys walk towards the atom bomb that they just... 0.69

00:30:18.000 I mean, I got a little one at home, so I think I'm going to chill until like September, unless it's just wide open.

00:30:25.000 By chill, I mean if things go well, I'm going to try to do some shows at the Troubadour, because I know that they're hurting, and that's one of my favorite venues.

00:30:34.000 All these bands that I love have played there.

00:30:36.000 The Troubadour on Santa Monica?

00:30:37.000 Yeah, so they're in a bad way because of this, so I'm going to try to do a little run of shows down there.

00:30:44.000 Are they available?

00:30:45.000 You can do that?

00:30:46.000 Not available yet, but when they are available, I'm going to try to do like a three-night thing down there, you know, work for free, get the rust off, have people pay for tickets, buy a bunch of booze and some Troubadour t-shirts, and keep that place going, man.

00:30:58.000 Oh, that's great.

00:30:59.000 Yeah.

00:30:59.000 I'll do that.

00:31:00.000 Yeah, well, shit. 1.00

00:31:01.000 I'll do that, too. 1.00

00:31:02.000 Let's do it.

00:31:02.000 I'll do it.

00:31:03.000 Yeah.

00:31:03.000 That sounds like fun.

00:31:05.000 Yeah.

00:31:05.000 I went there twice this year.

00:31:07.000 I saw Everlast there, and I saw Sturgill Simpson there.

00:31:09.000 Yeah.

00:31:09.000 And Steve Martin opened for Richard Pryor there.

00:31:12.000 Wow.

00:31:12.000 I read this great Steve Martin article where he was talking about opening for him there.

00:31:17.000 So it also has some comedy history there, too.

00:31:20.000 Well, when I was there, I was saying, this is a perfect venue for comedy.

00:31:23.000 It's like 500 seats.

00:31:24.000 It's awesome.

00:31:25.000 It's got a balcony.

00:31:26.000 It could be a great place for stand-up.

00:31:28.000 Yeah.

00:31:29.000 The store needs help, too.

00:31:31.000 Everybody needs help.

00:31:32.000 Improv needs help.

00:31:33.000 Well, I know the store.

00:31:34.000 Once they can open up, I know they're going to be fine.

00:31:39.000 Because I'm going to be down there all the time anyway.

00:31:41.000 Yeah.

00:31:42.000 So as far as...

00:31:43.000 I think between now and September, if they start opening things up, there's a bunch of little theaters that are around...

00:31:51.000 That I would just pop in and do a night.

00:31:54.000 Like I said, just work for free.

00:31:55.000 Have the people pay whatever for some tickets and buy whatever they're selling there.

00:31:59.000 Knock the rust off.

00:32:00.000 Yeah, because I'm not going to have people pay full price.

00:32:04.000 I mean, I haven't taken this amount of time off since I started.

00:32:07.000 Yeah.

00:32:08.000 My last gig was...

00:32:11.000 March 10th, the Dean Del Rey Bon Scott tribute.

00:32:13.000 Dude, you should have come down for that, man.

00:32:15.000 I couldn't.

00:32:15.000 I had another thing.

00:32:17.000 It looked like a lot of fun. 1.00

00:32:18.000 Dean fucking murdered. 1.00

00:32:20.000 The band murdered. 1.00

00:32:21.000 It was fucking... 1.00

00:32:21.000 And we had a great comedy show. 1.00

00:32:22.000 Dean's got a crazy voice.

00:32:23.000 It's so good.

00:32:24.000 He does.

00:32:25.000 It really sneaks up on you.

00:32:26.000 Because he'll sing in the car.

00:32:27.000 You're like, but then you see him when he's with the band and goes...

00:32:30.000 The microphone and everything. 1.00

00:32:31.000 When that video that you guys put on Instagram or him singing a whole lot of Rosie, I was like, holy fuck! 0.99

00:32:36.000 He's really good. 0.98

00:32:38.000 Well, he did it for like 15, 20 years.

00:32:40.000 You could tell.

00:32:41.000 Yeah.

00:32:41.000 I mean, he's legit.

00:32:43.000 Yeah.

00:32:44.000 That was a good time.

00:32:46.000 And then it was over.

00:32:49.000 And then it was over.

00:32:50.000 Yeah.

00:32:51.000 Strange.

00:32:52.000 Yeah, I got some gigs lined up.

00:32:54.000 I'm gonna announce them next week. 0.99

00:32:56.000 But I'm just gonna hit the road, do some fucking clubs. 0.99

00:33:00.000 Knock the rust off. 0.99

00:33:01.000 It looks like the store is not listed as a bar.

00:33:04.000 It's listed as an entertainment, a live entertainment venue.

00:33:08.000 Because they're opening up bars and restaurants and all these different things.

00:33:12.000 And the store, they kind of, they tried to label it as a nightclub.

00:33:16.000 But Peter Shore is like, it's not a nightclub.

00:33:18.000 No one's milling around.

00:33:20.000 You sit down.

00:33:21.000 You go in and sit down.

00:33:22.000 It's more like...

00:33:23.000 So what do they need to be classified as to open up?

00:33:26.000 Well, they need a different distinction for comedy clubs.

00:33:29.000 They don't really have one.

00:33:30.000 And, you know, there's a good argument, a real good argument, that comedy clubs should be some sort of an essential business.

00:33:34.000 Because people need to blow off some steam.

00:33:36.000 It feels good.

00:33:37.000 It's really good for you.

00:33:39.000 Look, if I was a guy working a regular job and I was used to going to the store every couple months to knock some laughs into me, I mean, I'd be... 0.87

00:33:47.000 Fucking chomping at the bit to go see some comedy right now. 0.80

00:33:50.000 Oh, I think they're gonna be packed. 0.98

00:33:51.000 I remember I was in New York during 9-11 and I was like, is anything ever gonna be funny again? 0.97

00:33:57.000 And it was like a two-week lull and then they were just fucking packed.

00:34:03.000 And it actually became almost like a second boom or whatever. 0.88

00:34:09.000 Way back in the day.

00:34:10.000 I'm worried about a second wave of the corona.

00:34:12.000 I'm worried about them locking things down.

00:34:13.000 Someone's gotta step in and stop them from doing that.

00:34:16.000 Next wave, you guys gotta be proactive.

00:34:18.000 You gotta do something about people's immune systems.

00:34:20.000 You gotta lock down old people and sick people. 1.00

00:34:23.000 Let regular people do whatever the fuck they want. 0.99

00:34:25.000 You can't just lock people's freedom down for something that killed a small fraction of what you thought it was gonna kill. 0.95

00:34:33.000 The whole thing is... 0.90

00:34:34.000 It's just fucking creepy to have guys like Mayor Garcetti be in charge of telling people whether or not they get to work. 0.95

00:34:41.000 Like, that's not what a governor is supposed to be. 0.98

00:34:44.000 That's not what a mayor is supposed to be.

00:34:45.000 But they're trying to look out for your best interests and trying to get 400 million people to all pull in the same direction. 0.99

00:34:52.000 It's fucking... 0.99

00:34:53.000 You can't get 40 comics to pull in the same direction. 1.00

00:34:55.000 But they did.

00:34:56.000 They have, like, an impossible...

00:34:57.000 Well, they did and they didn't. 0.82

00:34:59.000 There was people fucking right... 1.00

00:35:01.000 The whole fucking time, there's been fucking assholes on my street walking around, no masks, you know, not quarantining like the people that come by the houses. 1.00

00:35:10.000 You see the fucking, you know, the same people that were going in and out of the house who are not part of their family still going in and out of the house. 1.00

00:35:15.000 You want people to walk down the street with a mask on? 0.99

00:35:18.000 Let's not start this, John.

00:35:19.000 Do you, though?

00:35:19.000 Let's not start this.

00:35:21.000 I don't want to start this.

00:35:21.000 Let's start it.

00:35:22.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:35:23.000 I'm not going to sit here with no medical degree, listening to you with no medical degree, with an American flag behind you, smoking a cigar, acting like we know what's up, better than the CDC. All I do is I watch the news once every two weeks. 1.00

00:35:35.000 I'm like, mask or no mask?

00:35:37.000 Still mask?

00:35:37.000 All right, mask.

00:35:38.000 That's all I give a fuck about. 0.99

00:35:39.000 I don't care. 0.99

00:35:40.000 But even they say you shouldn't wear a mask unless you're treating a coronavirus patient.

00:35:43.000 The World Health Organization literally said that.

00:35:45.000 Yeah, but they didn't say that initially.

00:35:46.000 They didn't say it initially.

00:35:46.000 No, they didn't.

00:35:47.000 And then it gradually...

00:35:47.000 They did.

00:35:48.000 Wait, wait, wait. 1.00

00:35:49.000 And then everybody wore the fucking masks. 1.00

00:35:51.000 This is like rollerblading. 1.00

00:35:52.000 Everybody fucking rollerbladed. 1.00

00:35:54.000 And then there was that one fucking homophobic joke and then everybody acted like they never did it. 1.00

00:35:58.000 And then a hundred million fucking rollerblades got thrown into the fucking ocean. 1.00

00:36:02.000 We all wore masks. 1.00

00:36:03.000 I never rollerbladed. 0.99

00:36:04.000 And then all of a sudden, people are fucking sitting there. 0.99

00:36:05.000 What? 1.00

00:36:06.000 You don't have the body type for it, dude. 1.00

00:36:07.000 Your fucking knuckles would scrape on the ground. 1.00

00:36:10.000 Even with that extra two inches. 1.00

00:36:15.000 I just love how wearing a mask became like this fucking, like, soft thing that you were doing. 0.99

00:36:20.000 Like, being courteous. 0.99

00:36:22.000 Being courteous. 1.00

00:36:22.000 Why is it for bitches? 1.00

00:36:23.000 That was so stupid. 1.00

00:36:26.000 First of all... 1.00

00:36:27.000 Oh God, you're so tough with your fucking open nose and throat. 1.00

00:36:30.000 Gee, Joe, and your five o'clock shadow. 1.00

00:36:32.000 This is a man right here.

00:36:34.000 A man doesn't wear a mask.

00:36:37.000 Why does it always become like that? 0.98

00:36:38.000 It's always like the man versus the bitch. 1.00

00:36:41.000 That's what men do. 0.98

00:36:42.000 We make fun of things.

00:36:44.000 Anything.

00:36:45.000 Anything that seems like you're not taking chances, right?

00:36:48.000 That's what the mask is.

00:36:49.000 I don't have a problem with that unless you were already wearing the mask and then you're acting like you didn't. 1.00

00:36:53.000 And then all of a sudden people watch your thing and then they all pile up, oh look at this bitch wearing the mask. 1.00

00:36:58.000 It's like, you were fucking doing it two weeks ago. 1.00

00:37:00.000 I was scared out of my mind in the beginning. 0.99

00:37:03.000 In the beginning?

00:37:04.000 Like when the first, when everybody's shutting down in the beginning and people are stockpiling food, I was convinced.

00:37:10.000 I was like, Jesus Christ.

00:37:11.000 Dude, you have like nine elk in your basement.

00:37:13.000 You were the one person I knew was fine.

00:37:15.000 Tom Papa's making bread.

00:37:16.000 I've got plenty of food.

00:37:16.000 I knew he was fine.

00:37:17.000 That's not what I was worried about.

00:37:18.000 I was worried about people I knew getting really sick and dying.

00:37:20.000 And then I was convinced that I had it.

00:37:22.000 At one point in time, I was like, God, I do feel like I'm breathing heavy.

00:37:26.000 I felt like my breath is coming short.

00:37:30.000 I did.

00:37:31.000 I had psychosomatic issues thinking about it.

00:37:34.000 I got over it, though.

00:37:36.000 I got over it. 1.00

00:37:38.000 Guy had a fucking panic attack, sitting on fucking 12 elk. 1.00

00:37:41.000 You had a fucking panic attack. 1.00

00:37:43.000 In the sauna. 1.00

00:37:43.000 And then you felt bad about yourself, and then you attacked people with masks. 1.00

00:37:47.000 And that's how the hatred starts, and that's right now why seven blocks of Seattle, you can't go now and get yourself...

00:37:47.000 That's how it works.

00:37:52.000 I'm going to go, and I'm going to drop off free food for those folks, those fine protesters.

00:37:58.000 Joe, there's a major American city where seven blocks, the people have took over it, and I had no idea what you were talking about.

00:38:03.000 So...

00:38:04.000 That's great.

00:38:05.000 Anything that I say.

00:38:06.000 I don't watch it.

00:38:06.000 I envy you.

00:38:07.000 At all.

00:38:08.000 I envy that.

00:38:09.000 That you just do that.

00:38:10.000 You just shut everything down.

00:38:11.000 Me, every day, I check what part of the world's on fire right now.

00:38:14.000 I don't like hysteria.

00:38:15.000 I don't like making decisions with hysteria.

00:38:20.000 When I first became a dad, the hysteria of other parents, I would be looking at them, but I wasn't listening.

00:38:29.000 Because...

00:38:30.000 That's what was the tone of everything we're saying.

00:38:32.000 You know, better get some sleep now.

00:38:34.000 And you'd be like...

00:38:35.000 And then anytime you say anything positive about your kid...

00:38:38.000 How old's your kid?

00:38:39.000 Seven weeks.

00:38:39.000 Oh, yeah?

00:38:40.000 How old is...

00:38:40.000 Ah, she's great.

00:38:41.000 Oh, wait till seven and a half weeks.

00:38:41.000 She's great.

00:38:44.000 It's like... 0.99

00:38:45.000 It's like, dude, maybe you suck at it. 0.99

00:38:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:49.000 How about that?

00:38:49.000 Yeah.

00:38:50.000 You're sitting there with your fucking legs trembling, right? 1.00

00:38:52.000 All nervous and shit. 1.00

00:38:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:53.000 I don't... 0.99

00:38:54.000 I don't like... 1.00

00:38:56.000 You know, I'm already fucked in the head. 1.00

00:38:58.000 I'm already fucked in the head. 1.00

00:39:00.000 I don't need 24-hour news network. 1.00

00:39:02.000 Like, who's that guy on Fox News?

00:39:04.000 I always joke with Neil.

00:39:05.000 He's got great hair, but horrible points.

00:39:05.000 Tucker?

00:39:07.000 Like, if his points were as good as his hair.

00:39:10.000 He looks like a Kennedy.

00:39:10.000 Which guy?

00:39:12.000 I mean, he's just, he is the white guy's white guy. 0.99

00:39:15.000 He was talking about black people going, and when they come for you, and they will, they go, you know, it's just like, what are you fucking talking about? 0.99

00:39:21.000 Is it Hannity? 0.99

00:39:23.000 No, it's not Hannity.

00:39:23.000 I don't know who he is.

00:39:24.000 Hannity was the guy who they put with that fucking rooster at the end, a chick in the end of his life looking guy. 0.99

00:39:32.000 Like, here's your liberal. 0.99

00:39:34.000 Dude, and all my relatives who are conservative, like, I mean, look at him!

00:39:37.000 I mean, he's so meek!

00:39:38.000 It's like, this thing is cast like a show.

00:39:41.000 Yeah, who was that guy that he was with?

00:39:43.000 Hennany and Combs.

00:39:44.000 Hennany and Combs.

00:39:44.000 Remember that?

00:39:45.000 And the one guy looked like he was on death's door, and he was the liberal.

00:39:48.000 Oh, he was gray.

00:39:48.000 Yeah.

00:39:49.000 He was gray.

00:39:49.000 And the other guy looked like a football hero, astronaut with a square jaw.

00:39:53.000 Yeah, big, thick face. 0.99

00:39:53.000 Nice fucking head of hair. 0.99

00:39:54.000 The other guy with the little glasses. 1.00

00:39:54.000 Yeah, nice head of hair. 1.00

00:39:56.000 He looked like Mr. Burns, right?

00:39:58.000 Yes.

00:39:59.000 And he had no spine.

00:40:00.000 He wasn't a strong arguer.

00:40:03.000 He was the Washington Generals.

00:40:06.000 And the other guy was the Globetrotronist.

00:40:09.000 Conservative point!

00:40:11.000 And then... 1.00

00:40:13.000 And then you put on CNN and you got all those fucking nitwits with the Situation Room and all of that. 0.99

00:40:19.000 How about Cuomo and his brother? 0.98

00:40:20.000 This is why I wish that there was a comedy club because there's a bit that's already come and gone.

00:40:26.000 What I loved was when Colin Kaepernick, when he was taking a knee, right?

00:40:32.000 All the liberals were just like...

00:40:34.000 Well, hey man, it's just like his opinion, man.

00:40:37.000 This is a time to listen, man. 1.00

00:40:40.000 And then everybody on the right is like, shut the fuck up and play football, you fucking piece of shit. 1.00

00:40:45.000 Don't disrespect the flag, right? 1.00

00:40:46.000 And then Drew Brees tweets something conservative.

00:40:50.000 And then all of a sudden, everybody on the right is like, hey man, this is just like his opinion, man. 1.00

00:40:55.000 And then everybody on the left is like, you fucking racist piece of shit, I'm going to fucking cancel you. 1.00

00:40:58.000 They literally do this. 1.00

00:41:00.000 Everybody believes in freedom of speech as long as you're saying what they want to fucking hear. 0.99

00:41:05.000 And that's why I fucking hate both of those news channels. 0.99

00:41:11.000 It makes my blood boil when I walk into a house... 0.99

00:41:11.000 Very divisive. 0.99

00:41:16.000 With people I know, and if they're watching CNN or Fox, I can't get past...

00:41:20.000 When people watch the Kardashians, it's like, why would you do that to your brain?

00:41:27.000 It is what it's like.

00:41:28.000 I mean, it's very toxic.

00:41:31.000 It's very toxic, both sides.

00:41:33.000 And they never see any good points that the other side is making.

00:41:37.000 And every video on the internet starts after the thing happened. 0.99

00:41:43.000 And it's like you're getting eight episodes in, and you're like, what the fuck? 0.96

00:41:48.000 It's like, you don't know what's... 0.99

00:41:50.000 Like, if you watch the last scene of Jaws, you're like, why the fuck did he kill that shark? 0.99

00:41:56.000 There's enough sharks dying out there. 0.97

00:41:59.000 You didn't see that this thing was specifically targeting human beings, and he needed to do this, right?

00:42:05.000 How does that relate to the news?

00:42:07.000 I'm saying, when you watch the news...

00:42:10.000 People don't like... 0.99

00:42:11.000 They're not filming what leads up to whatever fucking confrontation happens. 0.99

00:42:15.000 Okay? 0.98

00:42:16.000 So you're getting a very skewed...

00:42:19.000 You don't know what happens.

00:42:21.000 You know what a good version of that is?

00:42:22.000 What they're saying happens.

00:42:24.000 Could be what happened. 1.00

00:42:25.000 Or a bunch of other shit. 0.99

00:42:26.000 I don't understand how I'm supposed to watch something. 1.00

00:42:31.000 You know, like, there's obviously obvious shit. 1.00

00:42:34.000 Like, that shit in Minneapolis was the most obvious shit ever. 1.00

00:42:36.000 That guy's a murderer, and those other three guys sat around and just watched him fucking do it. 1.00

00:42:40.000 A guy's calling out, I can't breathe, and all of this shit, and calling out for his mother was fucking sickening. 1.00

00:42:44.000 That guy's a monster, had the audacity to have a shocked look on his fucking face. 1.00

00:42:48.000 That guy's terrible, right? 1.00

00:42:49.000 But, like, what I'm saying is that thing had all of this... 1.00

00:42:53.000 He kind of got the whole fucking thing. 0.98

00:42:55.000 When they came up, you had the whole thing. 1.00

00:42:57.000 There's so many other...

00:42:58.000 I'm not talking about cop stuff.

00:42:58.000 And I'm not just...

00:43:00.000 I'm just talking about anything.

00:43:02.000 Taking a little piece of somebody's stand-up routine or a politician says this or voted...

00:43:09.000 He voted no on this. 1.00

00:43:10.000 And what it is is the shit that... 1.00

00:43:12.000 It's usually the shit that was attached to it. 1.00

00:43:15.000 Which is something I don't understand with politics. 0.99

00:43:17.000 Like, why can't you just vote on what you're voting on?

00:43:20.000 Like, should we have clean water?

00:43:21.000 Yes, we should. 1.00

00:43:22.000 And then, like, the shit that's attached to it. 1.00

00:43:24.000 But we can still fucking dump toxic shit in here. 1.00

00:43:27.000 And then when the guy goes to, or the woman goes to run, it's like, oh, this person voted against the Clean Water Act. 1.00

00:43:33.000 This is your tree hugger?

00:43:35.000 I'm Joe Blow and I approve of this message.

00:43:37.000 Well, here's a good version of that.

00:43:39.000 Remember the Covington school case?

00:43:41.000 The kid had a MAGA hat on and the Native American was beating the drums and the kid was smiling, looking at him, and they took it pretending that this kid walked up to this Native American beating the drums and was smiling in his face and mocking him.

00:43:53.000 What really happened is these kids were on a field trip for high school.

00:43:57.000 They're selling MAGA hats.

00:43:59.000 The kids are 16. They're being jerk-offs. 0.98

00:44:01.000 They buy these hats and put them on. 0.98

00:44:02.000 They're just having fun.

00:44:03.000 Very little supervision.

00:44:05.000 While they're there, these Native Americans are beating their drums and this guy walks up to the kid and gets in the kid's face and is beating the drum.

00:44:13.000 Now CNN, all these people went with this narrative that these kids were mocking him.

00:44:16.000 The kid just stood there smiling while this Native American got in his face. 1.00

00:44:20.000 But the photo of the kid doing that.

00:44:21.000 It's disturbing that those, you know, there used to be rules on ownership of media.

00:44:26.000 Yeah.

00:44:27.000 I think way back in the day it was like a rule of sevens, like no one person could own seven, any combination of radio, TV, because you can literally influence public opinion.

00:44:34.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97

00:44:34.000 And that's why, like, I've watched, and I, dude, 12 years ago, I went down the Federal Reserve fucking rabbit hole. 0.97

00:44:41.000 I became a fucking, the guy you didn't want to talk to. 0.99

00:44:43.000 About the Federal Reserve? 1.00

00:44:44.000 All of that shit, the private thing, it's not, it's federal, it's the Federal Express, I went down. 0.99

00:44:48.000 Jekyll Island. 0.99

00:44:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:50.000 All of that shit. 1.00

00:44:51.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:44:51.000 And, like, I just feel like in the last I don't know how many years where it's just all of a sudden they stopped being just sort of everything they were I think reporting was always perverted to some level and now it's just it's just you're sort of watching like op-ed pieces so I don't know this is somebody who doesn't watch anything and reads like you know autobiographies of football players in the 1950s so in this Covington school kid case they sued the kids sued and won The 0.98

00:45:21.000 CNN paid him out to be a monster.

00:45:23.000 They were getting death threats.

00:45:24.000 And did CNN issue a retraction?

00:45:28.000 I don't know what they did, but they paid him.

00:45:30.000 I don't know what they...

00:45:31.000 That's why I don't like either one of those channels because of that.

00:45:35.000 And it causes, I think, rational people...

00:45:37.000 Like that guy, the fat dude in the bicycle suit ripping those pieces of paper out of those girls' hands.

00:45:44.000 Oh, yeah, Jesus Christ.

00:45:46.000 Yeah, that guy, that is the result, I think, of watching one of those channels 24-7 and then going on Facebook and writing in capital letters.

00:45:54.000 Could you imagine if you were there watching that guy rip pieces of paper out of a little girl's hand like that that he didn't even know?

00:46:00.000 Yelling in her, running up to her where the mother is yelling, you stop touching her! 0.99

00:46:04.000 Get your hands off her! 1.00

00:46:06.000 Oh, that was a mom?

00:46:07.000 I thought that was a friend.

00:46:08.000 Whoever that was.

00:46:09.000 It sounded like a woman. 1.00

00:46:10.000 It sounded like a woman yelling because it was a little girl. 1.00

00:46:13.000 He was doing everything but growling.

00:46:15.000 Yeah.

00:46:16.000 Because then it gets to the point of, like, what is in your head that you're trying to defend?

00:46:22.000 Like, that's a guy...

00:46:23.000 But then everybody vilifies the guy, which I would rather sit down and talk to that guy and be like, let me ask you this.

00:46:28.000 When you watch that, you know, Floyd video, like, what is it that you see? 0.97

00:46:35.000 Because just yelling at somebody, canceling him and making him lose his fucking job, you're just going to make the guy even more angry. 0.99

00:46:41.000 And he probably has grandkids that he's going to fill there before he dies. 0.99

00:46:45.000 So what's the solution?

00:46:46.000 Sit down and talk to him?

00:46:48.000 I think that should be part of it.

00:46:50.000 Like, buddy, let's just sit down for a second.

00:46:53.000 You were on a bicycle.

00:46:55.000 You wanted to burn some calories.

00:46:56.000 You're obviously into it by the way you're dressed.

00:46:59.000 Okay?

00:47:03.000 You're enjoying America's great parks.

00:47:05.000 Right.

00:47:06.000 You come across these kids You know, do you like kids?

00:47:10.000 Have you ever attacked a kid before?

00:47:13.000 They're just putting a piece of paper up with the point of view, like, what do you think led up to that level of a response? 0.99

00:47:22.000 Because I have to be honest, like, we've all fucking snapped and done shit. 0.99

00:47:26.000 I would like to think I have. 1.00

00:47:27.000 And afterwards, I'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:47:29.000 Why did I argue that? 0.99

00:47:30.000 Why did I say that?

00:47:31.000 Why did I do that?

00:47:32.000 And the only way... 1.00

00:47:35.000 To kind of prevent from you being a fucking asshole again is you have to kind of walk back and look at it. 1.00

00:47:41.000 Right. 1.00

00:47:42.000 So, going at the guy, which I totally understand, because it was so bad it was almost comical.

00:47:49.000 Because he was borderline growling at them.

00:47:52.000 Well, you know what was really bad?

00:47:53.000 He didn't even get the paper from the girl.

00:47:55.000 He grabs the girl, the girl clenched her fist down and held onto the paper. 0.99

00:47:59.000 My favorite part was the sound of the bottom of his shoes that clip into the pedals.

00:48:06.000 He sounded like a little show pony.

00:48:10.000 He was trying to growl like a tiger, and he sounded like my pretty pony, like somebody should have been combing his hair. 0.98

00:48:16.000 And I was sitting there going, look at this crazy old guy. 0.56

00:48:22.000 I don't know how old I thought he was, but then he was like 60. I was like, this guy's only eight years older than me.

00:48:28.000 So he graduated high school eight years before me.

00:48:30.000 So this guy is almost part of my generation.

00:48:33.000 What experiences did he have that he...

00:48:37.000 Looks at this whole thing like, you know, I mean, I'm not that thing saying all cops are like those guys.

00:48:46.000 It's like, no, it's like you have to get those guys off of the force.

00:48:50.000 That's what I think.

00:48:52.000 So I just don't understand, like, and my understanding, what they were putting up there was specific to the Minneapolis case.

00:49:01.000 So my thing is, as a human being, how could you have...

00:49:14.000 I don't know what she put up.

00:49:15.000 I'm not sure what she put up.

00:49:16.000 It was definitely about the George Floyd protest.

00:49:21.000 See, that's a great point.

00:49:22.000 I couldn't see what was written on the paper, and I filled that in when I watched it.

00:49:27.000 But I really couldn't get over the sound of his shoes, though. 0.97

00:49:31.000 It was really fucking funny. 0.95

00:49:32.000 I just couldn't get over it. 0.98

00:49:33.000 And when he started walking faster with the bike, it was almost like a great movie trailer for a horror film.

00:49:39.000 Yeah.

00:49:40.000 No?

00:49:41.000 The 60-year-old fat bike rider?

00:49:42.000 Imagine if that was your daughter.

00:49:44.000 Imagine if your daughter, you're sitting there, and that guy runs up to your daughter, and he's grabbing the paper out of her hand.

00:49:50.000 He's running at her, grabbing the paper while a woman's screaming at him to not touch her.

00:49:56.000 Don't you touch her.

00:49:59.000 Yeah, I mean.

00:50:00.000 Imagine.

00:50:01.000 Yeah, I mean there's only one response as a father.

00:50:04.000 Yeah, murder.

00:50:06.000 Yeah.

00:50:07.000 I don't like murder.

00:50:07.000 Yeah.

00:50:09.000 No?

00:50:10.000 What do you like?

00:50:11.000 Mame.

00:50:12.000 I want him to remember that he did it.

00:50:14.000 That's interesting.

00:50:18.000 That's another level.

00:50:19.000 Start with the blown out ACL, and you go from there.

00:50:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:22.000 Beat him with his stupid shoe. 1.00

00:50:24.000 Why do people wear... 1.00

00:50:25.000 I actually had to look up why people wore those shoes.

00:50:28.000 I know they do, but I'm like, what is the advantage of that?

00:50:28.000 They clip in.

00:50:31.000 Is there an advantage?

00:50:32.000 Yeah, I think it's when you're coming up this way.

00:50:32.000 It's hard.

00:50:35.000 Oh, you don't...

00:50:36.000 You can still pull with your legs, so you're getting more of an efficient motion.

00:50:40.000 Oh, that makes sense.

00:50:41.000 This guy's really into...

00:50:43.000 Biking.

00:50:44.000 Biking and not putting paper on trees.

00:50:48.000 Don't put their dead relatives in their faces.

00:50:50.000 Just a man that would run up to a little girl like that and grab her. 0.99

00:50:54.000 Grab paper out of her hand.

00:50:56.000 There he is.

00:50:58.000 Click, click, click, click.

00:50:59.000 That's before he grabs her, Jamie.

00:51:02.000 Yeah, back it up from the beginning.

00:51:04.000 Now, as far as you, with your martial art background, you've got to be impressed with the way he's using his bike there.

00:51:09.000 No.

00:51:10.000 He's sort of like trying to be a little herd.

00:51:12.000 Bicyclists in Maryland.

00:51:13.000 What does it say?

00:51:14.000 Rewind it?

00:51:14.000 See, right there.

00:51:16.000 That's where...

00:51:19.000 A bison was caught on video earlier attacking teenagers who were posting flyers.

00:51:23.000 It's a little girl.

00:51:23.000 Is that a teenager?

00:51:25.000 Is that really a teenager?

00:51:26.000 She might be 13. He just runs up to her.

00:51:29.000 He's yelling at her.

00:51:30.000 He's towering.

00:51:30.000 I mean, look.

00:51:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:51:32.000 Look at her, though.

00:51:33.000 Good for her.

00:51:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:35.000 See, I don't know if that's a woman or her friend, but that girl's got balls or ovaries. 1.00

00:51:41.000 I like the little skip step, too, like a cornerback. 0.98

00:51:44.000 Well, he's running at the guy with the camera and knocks him over.

00:51:47.000 The man achieves his goal, okay?

00:51:49.000 As much as you don't approve of what he's doing.

00:51:51.000 He achieves his goal?

00:51:52.000 No, she's still got the paper in her hand.

00:51:54.000 I know, I'm joking.

00:51:55.000 He grabbed her arm.

00:51:56.000 Whatever happened to that guy?

00:51:59.000 I don't know, but they're promoting my movie right there.

00:52:01.000 Look at that!

00:52:02.000 King of Staten Island.

00:52:03.000 What are the odds?

00:52:04.000 On demand, everywhere, Friday. 0.95

00:52:06.000 You know, I would be in the news with a big ol' fuckin' orange jumpsuit on if that was happening to my daughter. 1.00

00:52:18.000 Oh my god. 0.98

00:52:19.000 That'd be a real problem.

00:52:20.000 If I caught someone doing that to anybody... 1.00

00:52:22.000 Dude, you would be like a fucking badger on that fucking... 1.00

00:52:25.000 Your biggest problem would be, what do I use? 1.00

00:52:33.000 I almost think for half a second, like, you would be...

00:52:36.000 Elbow, what do I do? 0.99

00:52:38.000 Choke him, what do I fucking... 0.99

00:52:40.000 Dude, that spinning heel kick I saw you do, if you ever hit me with that, I have to learn how to talk again. 0.99

00:52:45.000 Yeah...

00:52:47.000 Yeah, Joe, it didn't happen to your daughter, right? 1.00

00:52:49.000 You just went to a dark fucking place there. 1.00

00:52:49.000 I know, I know. 1.00

00:52:52.000 I go there all the time, Bill.

00:52:54.000 It's a real problem with me.

00:52:56.000 I know, I do too.

00:52:56.000 I go there all the time.

00:52:57.000 I do think, talking about Elise's protest, I think something really positive is going to come out of this because of the fact that so many white people are also getting involved in it and so many cops were vocal saying that they shouldn't do that.

00:53:08.000 So I think something good is going to come out of this.

00:53:11.000 I couldn't agree more.

00:53:12.000 I really do.

00:53:13.000 I do, and I hope so too because it's... 0.97

00:53:16.000 It's been wrong for way too long, and I also hope that a bunch of other groups don't use this as a piggyback thing To then do some other shit, which will then... 0.97

00:53:28.000 Escalate. 0.78

00:53:29.000 Will make people who want things to stay the same, they'll be able to shift focus of like, you know, like how they try to make like the protesters and the rioters, like the looters, the same people.

00:53:40.000 Right, right.

00:53:41.000 Where it's just, yeah, there's only, yeah, you did that and then at night you did this.

00:53:44.000 No.

00:53:45.000 Yeah, the way that, so, I don't know.

00:53:46.000 They're gonna do it anyways.

00:53:47.000 I think there's, once the looting died down, you're seeing peaceful protests that are very encouraging.

00:53:53.000 I think it's great.

00:53:54.000 I really do.

00:53:55.000 I mean that downtown LA one was amazing. 0.99

00:53:57.000 50,000 fucking people filled the streets. 0.98

00:53:59.000 And no crime, or very little, nothing I heard of. 0.99

00:54:02.000 It was just mostly people chanting and holding signs.

00:54:06.000 It looked promising.

00:54:09.000 The thing that disturbs me is this idea that they should defund the police.

00:54:13.000 You can't get rid of the police.

00:54:14.000 What you need to do is spend more money and train them better and have higher standards.

00:54:19.000 And do it the way you do the military, where it's very difficult to get in, and you weed people out that are weak. 1.00

00:54:25.000 Like, that guy was a pussy. 1.00

00:54:26.000 That guy leaning on that guy's neck like that, that guy's a monster. 1.00

00:54:29.000 There's no way that guy should have ever been a cop.

00:54:31.000 Yeah, because he knew he was being filmed, too, and he just had no... 0.94

00:54:34.000 Yeah, I mean, that's like hands in his pockets like he was just fucking, you know, waiting for an Uber or something like that. 1.00

00:54:41.000 He's a monster. 1.00

00:54:42.000 He's a monster. 0.99

00:54:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:43.000 And that guy had been doing that forever.

00:54:44.000 You know, there's new evidence that they worked together and they fought.

00:54:49.000 They argued about the way that cop was treating the customers.

00:54:52.000 They worked together at security at the same club. 1.00

00:54:55.000 And that cop was a fucking asshole to people at the club. 1.00

00:54:58.000 And they argued about it. 1.00

00:55:00.000 So they had a personal issue.

00:55:02.000 And there's some people that wanted to be elevated to first-degree murder because of that.

00:55:06.000 That he did it on purpose.

00:55:08.000 Oh, he knew?

00:55:09.000 He knew that guy.

00:55:10.000 Oh, man.

00:55:11.000 I mean, it's just...

00:55:12.000 Yeah, they argued when they worked together, apparently. 1.00

00:55:14.000 One of the guys that worked with them said that George Floyd was always telling that guy he's a fucking asshole the way he treats customers. 1.00

00:55:21.000 Because he would mace people and shit, that kind of stuff. 1.00

00:55:23.000 Pepper spray folks. 0.99

00:55:25.000 He just was the first guy to use violence right away.

00:55:29.000 Escalate the situation.

00:55:29.000 He had a history of complaints back to 2006. My friend Joe Schilling, the kickboxer, I'm talking about him again, but his fucking page is the most disturbing page right now because all he's done over the last five, six days is post videos of police brutality.

00:55:43.000 And it's police brutality on black women, white women, white old men, black old men, young guys. 0.98

00:55:53.000 It's just police brutality over and over and over and over again.

00:55:57.000 There's a problem of racism in this country for sure. 0.88

00:56:00.000 There's also a real problem with people that have the kind of power the cops have that are weak people, that are sociopaths.

00:56:07.000 And that's as much of a problem as any of this.

00:56:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:10.000 You tack the racism onto it and you got a horrible situation, but those people are psychopaths. 1.00

00:56:14.000 They're monsters. 1.00

00:56:15.000 That guy who did that is a fucking monster. 1.00

00:56:19.000 I remember talking to a security guy and he said the best guys are the guys that de-escalated. 1.00

00:56:26.000 This guy used to put together crews of guys to rock concerts and stuff.

00:56:31.000 And he said you didn't want to get guys that wanted to fight. 0.69

00:56:36.000 You didn't want to have those guys because those guys would be a fucking headache and every night there was going to be something and there was going to be lawsuits. 0.92

00:56:42.000 What he was saying you ultimately wanted was nothing to happen. 0.97

00:56:47.000 Yeah.

00:56:48.000 So I remember, because I was joking with him, I remember a long time ago, the Grill 93, this old Dick Doherty room.

00:56:57.000 I remember that joint.

00:56:58.000 So two guys were about ready to go at it in the club and the bouncer gets him outside Okay, and this guy's trying to say his point of view, and he put his hand on his shoulder.

00:57:07.000 He goes, no, all I was trying to do, he barely went like that on his shirt.

00:57:12.000 And he goes, okay, first of all, don't touch me.

00:57:13.000 That's what the bouncer said. 0.94

00:57:14.000 And just immediately, it was here, and then it went to here, and then those two guys started yelling at each other, and then within, I don't know what the fuck, he just twisted the guy up and took him out. 0.98

00:57:24.000 And I forget who the fuck I was with. 0.98

00:57:26.000 We were fucking dying laughing. 0.99

00:57:29.000 It just became a catchphrase between us. 0.98

00:57:31.000 He would come up, hey Bill, you working this weekend?

00:57:33.000 Okay, first of all, don't touch me.

00:57:35.000 You immediately just escalate it. 0.99

00:57:38.000 Where it just becomes a what the fuck? 0.99

00:57:39.000 And then, first of all, don't touch me. 0.99

00:57:42.000 From 90% of guys is immediately going to put you in your ego. 1.00

00:57:45.000 Where it's like, oh fuck, now he's on top of me and I'm the bitch. 0.99

00:57:48.000 I gotta at least get at his eyebrow level. 1.00

00:57:52.000 I have to come back with something else.

00:57:55.000 It was inevitable.

00:57:55.000 The second he said that, first of all, don't touch me, I did like the three slide steps down.

00:58:00.000 Because I learned that young, watching fights.

00:58:03.000 You know, you don't want to have a really good seat.

00:58:05.000 Because it's like a tornado.

00:58:06.000 You don't know where it's gonna go.

00:58:07.000 And you think you're like 20 feet away?

00:58:10.000 That meant me at a Bruins game.

00:58:13.000 The old Boston Garden.

00:58:14.000 And it was like one of those, you know, just everybody smoking.

00:58:17.000 You probably couldn't smoke in the garden at that point. 0.97

00:58:19.000 I just remember like smoky bars and shit. 0.92

00:58:21.000 So we went in there and everybody was hammered. 0.99

00:58:23.000 I was hammered, drinking like fucking Heffernreffers. 0.98

00:58:24.000 Remember the Green Death, right? 0.99

00:58:26.000 Like, dude, this is like 6% alcohol.

00:58:28.000 So, um...

00:58:30.000 One of those two rows of fans fighting, which is always great, because the people that are a row up are just throwing down. 0.99

00:58:36.000 These guys are getting fucking pounding. 0.97

00:58:38.000 There's always a loafer laying there, right? 0.99

00:58:40.000 Mike Milbury picking it up.

00:58:42.000 So I remember the cops ran up there, and I ran up too to watch the fight, and they started grabbing guys and coming down the stairs.

00:58:50.000 And it was the Boston Guard, and there was nowhere to go.

00:58:52.000 And I just remember this big cop Bounding down the stairs.

00:58:56.000 He literally had a handful of this guy's neck.

00:58:58.000 It was like his whole neck and his jugular.

00:59:00.000 And this guy was two colors.

00:59:02.000 I just remember he was going, try to push me down the stairs, try to push me down the stairs.

00:59:07.000 And he came down like, and I was trying to get out of the way. 0.95

00:59:09.000 And I think the guy who he had grabbed, like his knee fucking hit me in the back. 0.59

00:59:14.000 You know, I just got caught by the debris of this guy running by. 0.85

00:59:17.000 And that's when I kind of learned like... 0.94

00:59:19.000 You know, how to watch a fight, which you watch a fight and you're looking at your exits, because like I said, it's like you don't know where it's going to fucking go. 0.96

00:59:27.000 And I learned that lesson. 0.98

00:59:28.000 So when I saw that guy say that, first of all, don't touch me.

00:59:31.000 I was just like, okay, sliding over here.

00:59:33.000 Let some other people settle in in front of me.

00:59:36.000 I like doing that.

00:59:37.000 Yeah, that's the same as if, yeah, you want to be above, slightly above, looking down at all the altercations.

00:59:44.000 You got a better viewpoint there, anyway. 0.97

00:59:46.000 Yeah, I suck at it, dude.

00:59:47.000 I stopped fighting in, like, junior high. 0.95

00:59:49.000 That was it.

00:59:50.000 I just knew.

00:59:51.000 I mean, I just knew.

00:59:53.000 I was like, this is not my thing.

00:59:55.000 I can't slip a punch. 1.00

00:59:56.000 I am slow as shit. 1.00

00:59:59.000 I got a big head. 1.00

01:00:00.000 I got a huge target.

01:00:02.000 This is not going to go three rounds.

01:00:04.000 It's just not.

01:00:06.000 I fought up until around sixth grade.

01:00:09.000 I think I probably had my last one. 0.97

01:00:11.000 And then all of a sudden, kids started to get 120, 130, 140 pounds, and they started being blood and fucking people missing a couple days of school after a beatdown. 0.98

01:00:20.000 I was just like, you know what? 0.98

01:00:21.000 Okay.

01:00:22.000 I think I'll be the funny guy.

01:00:27.000 It's weird how things go sideways like that when there's a feeling in the air.

01:00:31.000 Whenever chaos breaks out like that and there's a real melee, there's a feeling in the air.

01:00:36.000 It's like you feel it.

01:00:38.000 It's like, oh, this is nuts.

01:00:39.000 This is really dangerous.

01:00:41.000 There's a mob mentality feeling that you get that's real weird when things go crazy.

01:00:47.000 I remember it took me having to leave Boston for about seven years.

01:00:52.000 I was gone for seven years before I finally walked into a bar and just felt the normal energy.

01:00:57.000 I think the city's changed a lot, but sort of that tail end of the craziness.

01:01:02.000 I walked into a bar and you could just feel it.

01:01:04.000 It's like somebody's going to get suckered.

01:01:06.000 Not now.

01:01:07.000 It's about 90 minutes away.

01:01:09.000 You could just feel the level of drunkness.

01:01:12.000 The energy...

01:01:13.000 Well, guys would go out looking for fights.

01:01:15.000 Some guys would go out looking for fights.

01:01:18.000 Yeah, I knew guys like that.

01:01:19.000 There's a guy I used to train with, Mike Blythe.

01:01:21.000 He used to work at the Ratskeller.

01:01:22.000 He was a bouncer.

01:01:23.000 He would go...

01:01:24.000 He would wrap his hands.

01:01:25.000 He would wrap his hands on his way to work.

01:01:28.000 I knew a guy.

01:01:29.000 I knew a guy. 1.00

01:01:30.000 Tape his wrists and shit. 1.00

01:01:31.000 I knew a guy who was a bouncer, and he used to bring a mouthpiece to work, but he used to carry it all the time. 1.00

01:01:39.000 And I remember when he would get in a fight, he would fucking... 0.96

01:01:42.000 It was something where he would... 0.99

01:01:43.000 It was a mouth guy, he would bite down.

01:01:44.000 It wasn't like what you guys wear.

01:01:46.000 But it would totally psych the other guy out.

01:01:48.000 Like he would come out and he would just put this thing in and the guy would be like, this guy brought equipment? 0.93

01:01:52.000 Like what the fuck is going on here? 0.95

01:01:55.000 And I remember one time he got suckered. 0.99

01:01:59.000 He knew it was going to be a fight and for some dumb reason he sat down on the stairs and the guy was standing above him.

01:02:05.000 And one of his friends jumped down and just punched him and I saw the mouthpiece. 0.98

01:02:08.000 It was like fucking Buster Douglas Tyson. 0.90

01:02:10.000 I saw his mouthpiece fly towards us and then just... 0.98

01:02:14.000 I shouldn't tell these stories.

01:02:16.000 Why?

01:02:16.000 I don't know.

01:02:17.000 It's my version of...

01:02:19.000 It was a long, long...

01:02:21.000 You're not naming names.

01:02:23.000 It was like 30 years ago and what happened was we were in an off-campus apartment.

01:02:30.000 And I can't believe I'm gonna tell this story.

01:02:32.000 I'm gonna tell the quick version.

01:02:34.000 Tell the whole version.

01:02:35.000 No.

01:02:36.000 Two of my buddies left to go upstairs. 0.99

01:02:40.000 It was one of those, you know, those old fucking Boston... 0.98

01:02:43.000 It looked almost like a three-family house, but it wasn't. 0.99

01:02:45.000 It was one of those big ones that has all apartments in it, right?

01:02:48.000 So they left the party we were on on the first floor, and then they went upstairs.

01:02:53.000 And like 20 minutes, they came back.

01:02:56.000 One of my buddy's shoulders was separated.

01:02:58.000 The other guy's fat lipping.

01:02:59.000 He had a flat top, too. 0.99

01:03:00.000 I remember we had this big fucking gash coming right down here and blood coming down his face. 0.99

01:03:04.000 And we were like, what the fuck happened? 1.00

01:03:06.000 What the fuck happened? 1.00

01:03:07.000 He was like, we just asked this guy for a drink and the whole party started beating on us. 0.99

01:03:11.000 So this whole mob goes up the stairs to go fight the party, right? 1.00

01:03:18.000 And I'm going upstairs like, what the fuck am I doing with my big fucking head? 1.00

01:03:21.000 I'm going to get knocked out here. 1.00

01:03:22.000 But I have to go because they're my friends. 0.98

01:03:23.000 So we fucking go up there. 0.98

01:03:26.000 And we hear the party. 0.98

01:03:29.000 So, my buddy, the mouthpiece guy, like the most innocent Voight Ever, knocks on the door, he goes, hey!

01:03:35.000 He's like, is there a party going on in there?

01:03:36.000 Right? 1.00

01:03:36.000 And the fucking door opens up, and it was like a fucking Wild West movie. 1.00

01:03:40.000 Like a saloon fight. 1.00

01:03:42.000 Just fucking haymakers. 0.99

01:03:43.000 I remember, I didn't even want to go in. 0.99

01:03:45.000 I was so scared, because I was like, oh my god, this is going to be fucking nuts. 0.92

01:03:47.000 And just the mob just sent me in. 0.92

01:03:49.000 And it was just like, everybody's just throwing.

01:03:51.000 I remember this dude jumping over my back, punching me in the face, right?

01:03:55.000 Boom! 0.99

01:03:57.000 And the smoke fucking clears, and it all settles. 0.99

01:04:00.000 You know, it was all like fucking 15-second melee, and it all fucking settles. 0.98

01:04:04.000 And we look at the party, and there's like six or seven guys, six or seven girls, and there's like a board game that's tipped over, and we had gone to the wrong party. 0.97

01:04:14.000 Swear to God, I know this sounds like a joke.

01:04:16.000 The real party where they got hit was upstairs. 0.99

01:04:20.000 I don't remember what happened, but they were actually rich kids and they sued my friends for going in whatever the dumb shit they did. 0.99

01:04:27.000 We all went in to the wrong party. 0.97

01:04:29.000 And they were in there having like a couples thing and they were playing like fucking Monopoly or something and all of a sudden there was a knock on the door.

01:04:36.000 Hey, is there a party? 0.98

01:04:37.000 And then everybody just came fucking running in. 0.98

01:04:41.000 Can you imagine them? 0.99

01:04:43.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:04:44.000 That's why I didn't want to tell it, because I felt really bad.

01:04:48.000 When I was in high school, the first real brawl that I ever saw was when I was like 17. I think I was a senior in high school.

01:04:56.000 And there was a rich kid that moved into the neighborhood and he wanted to make friends.

01:04:59.000 So he put on this crazy party.

01:05:01.000 He just invited everybody.

01:05:03.000 So kids from all kinds of different high schools.

01:05:05.000 We're coming.

01:05:07.000 Newton North, Newton South, a bunch of kids from all sorts of other places.

01:05:10.000 And I happened to be at the right place at the right time when I saw it pop off.

01:05:15.000 People were already robbing this guy.

01:05:16.000 I saw people taking stuff out of bedrooms and running down the stairs with it.

01:05:20.000 It was real sketchy because there was way too many people for this guy's party.

01:05:24.000 But then this girl, I still to this day don't remember what she did.

01:05:27.000 She either slapped this guy in the face or she threw a drink in his face. 1.00

01:05:31.000 I don't remember.

01:05:32.000 I think she slapped him.

01:05:33.000 But what I remember is he uncorked a perfect right hand on her.

01:05:38.000 He knew how to punch.

01:05:39.000 Like I remember thinking, wow, this guy's trained.

01:05:41.000 Because he snapped it.

01:05:44.000 Joe, always the commentator.

01:05:46.000 Listen, I've been doing it for a long time.

01:05:48.000 But whatever she did, I'm pretty sure she slapped him.

01:05:51.000 But he went like this.

01:05:54.000 Blah!

01:05:54.000 I mean, it was a perfect right hand.

01:05:57.000 Hit her right in the face. 1.00

01:05:58.000 Her head goes back.

01:06:00.000 This guy behind her catches her.

01:06:02.000 She's totally unconscious.

01:06:03.000 And then, blah!

01:06:07.000 Chairs flying!

01:06:07.000 Chaos!

01:06:08.000 Bodies piling it up!

01:06:10.000 And I'm on the stairs.

01:06:11.000 So I'm watching this through the railings.

01:06:13.000 I see the guy punch the girl.

01:06:14.000 As I'm coming up the stairs, I see it all play out. 1.00

01:06:16.000 I'm like, holy fuck! 0.99

01:06:18.000 And I'm like, I gotta get out of here. 1.00

01:06:20.000 Yes.

01:06:20.000 And there was a pile.

01:06:22.000 I didn't hit anybody and nobody hit me.

01:06:24.000 It was like a movie.

01:06:25.000 Like, excuse me, pardon me.

01:06:26.000 Crawling out. 0.98

01:06:27.000 I fucking dodged everything. 0.99

01:06:30.000 Meanwhile, I was fighting at the time. 0.99

01:06:33.000 I was traveling to tournaments all over the country and fighting.

01:06:36.000 So my friends were looking for me.

01:06:37.000 They're like, you know, go get Joe.

01:06:39.000 And there's piles of people brawling.

01:06:42.000 And I'm just ducking the piles.

01:06:43.000 And then I ran into my friend Jimmy.

01:06:45.000 And I'm like, where is everybody?

01:06:46.000 And we gathered our friends and got in the car and drove off.

01:06:49.000 We were laughing our asses off.

01:06:50.000 But it was like when we left, the cops were just starting to arrive. 0.98

01:06:53.000 There was piles of kids beating the shit out of each other on the lawn.

01:06:57.000 Dude, I remember my friend who separated his shoulder in that fight. 0.95

01:07:00.000 We popped it back in, and he went back up, threw a punch with the same arm, and missed.

01:07:07.000 It came out again.

01:07:08.000 And I remember him flopping on the ground like a fish out of water.

01:07:11.000 And afterwards, we said to him, like, dude, why didn't you throw the other hand?

01:07:14.000 And he goes, because I wanted this hand to get its revenge.

01:07:17.000 I swear to God.

01:07:20.000 Like, he had made part of his body like a karate movie.

01:07:23.000 Like, he had to avenge his shoulder's death.

01:07:28.000 Dude, that's, and I have to tell you something.

01:07:30.000 When people talk about, you know, you're a funny comedian and blah blah, the characters that I grew up with, and what I loved about what they did and what they said was they weren't trying to be funny.

01:07:42.000 Like, he was dead serious.

01:07:44.000 He wanted revenge for this horror movie.

01:07:46.000 Yeah, and then we were driving home, hammered, And we were three abreast in the pickup truck.

01:07:56.000 It was this guy's dad's truck.

01:07:57.000 And he had the flat top, so he's got dried blood on his forehead.

01:08:01.000 And we're just driving home, and nobody's saying anything.

01:08:03.000 And the dude in the middle has got these sunglasses on.

01:08:07.000 And he's just sitting there like this. 0.99

01:08:09.000 And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he just fucking goes like that, scared the fucking shit out of me. 0.99

01:08:14.000 And I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

01:08:16.000 And he goes, ah, sorry. 0.99

01:08:18.000 He goes, I took a little acid.

01:08:21.000 He goes, I was looking at this bug.

01:08:24.000 He goes, I thought it was on the windshield.

01:08:29.000 He goes, it turned out it was on the inside of my glasses. 0.99

01:08:32.000 Now, I don't know if that was true, but dude, there's no way you could ever reenact how much he flipped it, like how much you would freak out on acid if you thought a bug was over there, but then your mind told you that it was on the inside of your fucking glasses. 0.98

01:08:45.000 And I just remember all three of us just crying, laughing, driving home, Just the whole fucking situation. 0.91

01:08:54.000 That was like every weekend of my life for like... 0.98

01:09:01.000 Probably, like, two and a half, three years. 0.99

01:09:03.000 Every single fucking weekend. 0.98

01:09:05.000 And we used to go in to this, there was this club, this bar in Chelsea. 0.99

01:09:11.000 Oh, boy.

01:09:12.000 Yeah, well, dude, I was such a babyface.

01:09:14.000 That was the only place where you could get served, right?

01:09:16.000 That's a rough place.

01:09:18.000 Yeah, it was, yeah. 0.99

01:09:20.000 And they were, like, selling fucking... 0.99

01:09:23.000 Blow out of there. 1.00

01:09:24.000 So they didn't give a fuck if you looked like you were 12 years old like I was when I'd go up to order my vodka Collins. 1.00

01:09:30.000 It was like the only drink. 0.99

01:09:31.000 How old were you?

01:09:34.000 I wasn't of age.

01:09:36.000 Like 19 or 20. Probably 20. And I would go in there.

01:09:40.000 And I just remember one time standing outside that bar... 1.00

01:09:44.000 And there was this fucking dude who looked like Rob Halford from fucking Judas Priest, just fucking totally gacked out of his fucking mind, standing in front of his motorcycle. 0.99

01:09:54.000 And he was telling this story about riding his bike and his drug thing. 1.00

01:09:58.000 He got stuck.

01:10:00.000 He just kept saying, I'm going around the apex.

01:10:02.000 I'm going around the apex.

01:10:03.000 I'm going around the apex, right? 0.99

01:10:05.000 And I'm fucking hammered. 0.97

01:10:06.000 And I'm like making fun of the guy in front of him to my buddy. 1.00

01:10:09.000 I'm looking at my buddy and I'm so shit-faced. 0.99

01:10:10.000 I'm going around the apex. 0.99

01:10:12.000 I'm going around the apex and he's hitting me because the guy's staring at me.

01:10:15.000 Yeah, no.

01:10:16.000 It was a...

01:10:18.000 And I didn't understand...

01:10:19.000 Because I never did coke, so I didn't understand what was going on.

01:10:24.000 I'm gonna leave it at that.

01:10:25.000 I didn't understand what was going on.

01:10:27.000 But all I knew is I just seemed to be the guy that wanted to go home first. 0.99

01:10:32.000 That was a fucking dangerous place. 0.99

01:10:32.000 I'll leave it at that. 0.99

01:10:34.000 Boston was dangerous. 0.99

01:10:35.000 No, this is when I figured out what the fuck was going on. 0.99

01:10:38.000 It was one time I went into the bathroom by myself to take a leak, and it was one of those things, you walk in, there was a sink, there was a stand-up urinal, and then there was a stall, which just had one toilet. 0.99

01:10:48.000 And I walked in, and there was two fucking legs guys in there, and I was like, what the fuck are those guys doing? 1.00

01:10:55.000 My dick's already out and I'm taking a piss. 1.00

01:10:58.000 And the thing, because it didn't have a latch, opened up and they were doing blow. 0.99

01:11:03.000 And I was taking a piss because it was weird.

01:11:05.000 There was two guys in there and I kind of glanced over as I'm already pissing. 0.99

01:11:08.000 I look over and this guy's all fucking hammered. 0.98

01:11:10.000 I look like a little werewolf. 1.00

01:11:11.000 He's like, what the fuck are you looking at? 1.00

01:11:12.000 And I was just like, pee, pee. 0.99

01:11:18.000 Didn't wash my hands after that one.

01:11:20.000 No, there was a lot.

01:11:22.000 I don't know why.

01:11:24.000 Because a lot of easy targets really got hit, and I was beyond an easy target.

01:11:30.000 Somehow I just never...

01:11:32.000 You got lucky.

01:11:34.000 Yeah, I did.

01:11:35.000 I did, because I would have got really...

01:11:38.000 I was not as tough as my friends were. 1.00

01:11:40.000 My friends were fucking lunatics. 1.00

01:11:43.000 My grade was cool, but the grade above me and the grade below me, they were like some fucking... 1.00

01:11:47.000 They were crazy, crazy kids. 0.99

01:11:50.000 But I talked to friends that grew up in other places. 0.90

01:11:54.000 They didn't have the same amount of fight stories.

01:11:56.000 I think Boston is a particularly fighty place.

01:12:00.000 Fighty.

01:12:00.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:01.000 I don't know what...

01:12:02.000 Yeah, there was something going on.

01:12:05.000 But I think a lot of those East... 0.99

01:12:06.000 Like New York and...

01:12:08.000 This thing's going on. 1.00

01:12:08.000 Ah, fuck. 1.00

01:12:10.000 A lot of those... 1.00

01:12:12.000 I find the people in New England, Long Island, tri-state area.

01:12:19.000 It's all sort of the same. 0.84

01:12:20.000 Savages. 0.99

01:12:22.000 Savage children of immigrants. 1.00

01:12:25.000 That's what it is.

01:12:25.000 Yeah, but you go out to the Midwest and that's like German, a lot of Slavic people, Polish people.

01:12:30.000 I don't know what...

01:12:30.000 So, I mean, that's...

01:12:32.000 I think they just had more space out there, so it wasn't as intense.

01:12:36.000 You weren't so, like, packed in.

01:12:38.000 Yeah, you're in a cornfield.

01:12:39.000 There's something about Boston, though, in particular.

01:12:41.000 I think even more so than New York.

01:12:44.000 Boston was just a lot of fights, man.

01:12:47.000 My boxing coach got his finger bitten off on a fight.

01:12:51.000 He was on PCP. This guy bit his finger off.

01:12:53.000 And he had his toe removed and replaced his finger with a toe.

01:12:59.000 No, I remember that was the move back then.

01:12:59.000 Did I tell you this?

01:13:01.000 So he had it curved permanently so that he could still throw right hooks.

01:13:06.000 So when you would shake his hand, he would always give you one of these.

01:13:11.000 Yeah, I knew a guy from Boston too.

01:13:13.000 He had this weird looking nose and some guy...

01:13:16.000 It bit it off and had it reattached.

01:13:19.000 Guys lost ears.

01:13:20.000 Dude, that's why I'm saying why, you know, right around sixth grade, I was just like, yeah, this is like becoming blood sport.

01:13:26.000 Like, I think I'm going to try to be funny here.

01:13:29.000 But yeah, there was a lot of, you know, the sports scene back in Boston is just...

01:13:39.000 Well, hockey.

01:13:39.000 It was insane.

01:13:41.000 Well, hockey, though.

01:13:41.000 Because hockey was big in Boston, and hockey is the only sport that involves actual fights.

01:13:45.000 It's the only sport where fighting is a part of the sport.

01:13:48.000 I'm reading this book right now.

01:13:49.000 I'm reading, like, I got three sports books I'm reading right now, right?

01:13:52.000 I read a few in the lines, and then I read a couple chapters over here, and I'm reading this one called, Bartnick gave it to me, called The Code.

01:13:59.000 And it breaks down.

01:14:00.000 For anybody who never understood why there was fighting, which I never quite understood either.

01:14:04.000 I just knew I liked it.

01:14:06.000 Um...

01:14:08.000 And how the players have to police the game.

01:14:11.000 I'm not far enough into the book, but it's really eye-opening.

01:14:15.000 Like, what goes on out there?

01:14:17.000 And they have all these enforcers talking about it.

01:14:20.000 Like, sometimes you had to fight.

01:14:22.000 Sometimes guys would just skate out.

01:14:24.000 They'd put them out.

01:14:25.000 Just the guy being out on the ice.

01:14:26.000 Sometimes he'd say something like, Hey, we don't settle it down out here, boys.

01:14:30.000 Somebody's gonna get hurt.

01:14:31.000 A guy would just say that.

01:14:32.000 And then people are like, Alright.

01:14:33.000 Alright.

01:14:33.000 Okay.

01:14:34.000 Let's fucking... 1.00

01:14:34.000 Sticks back down. 1.00

01:14:35.000 Everybody play old-time hockey. 0.99

01:14:37.000 Whatever the fuck he was supposed to do. 0.99

01:14:38.000 All-star hockey. 0.99

01:14:40.000 And...

01:14:40.000 Just as far...

01:14:43.000 And then as far as like... 0.99

01:14:45.000 How there's this whole code of, and there's all these, there's like, you know, the heavyweights, like a heavyweight only fucks with a heavyweight unless some middleweight is doing some shit and you gave him a warning and he didn't, then he has to take a fucking beating. 1.00

01:14:57.000 And if he doesn't take the beating and turtles up, that means one of his fucking teammates is going to get the beating and then he's going to be a fucking asshole in the locker room. 1.00

01:15:04.000 I mean, it is this whole web of, Of fascinating shit. 1.00

01:15:08.000 Because everybody just looks at the sport and they just think, oh, drop gloves, fucking beat the shit up. 0.99

01:15:11.000 There's a whole fucking thing that is going on out there that actually, because of that, keeps the game safer. 0.99

01:15:20.000 Which I don't understand. 0.99

01:15:22.000 I don't understand.

01:15:22.000 I don't understand it either, but I just think it's fascinating that there's this one sport where it's okay to fight.

01:15:27.000 What are you talking about?

01:15:29.000 The sport you do.

01:15:30.000 That's all they do is fight.

01:15:31.000 But that's the whole sport.

01:15:32.000 That's the sport itself.

01:15:34.000 But there's no fighting in basketball.

01:15:36.000 There's agreed upon fighting in hockey that doesn't exist in any other sport.

01:15:40.000 Where everybody backs off and these guys go at it.

01:15:42.000 No, lacrosse.

01:15:42.000 You can do it in lacrosse.

01:15:44.000 Who the fuck plays professional lacrosse? 0.99

01:15:48.000 I don't know, but I wouldn't want to say that. 1.00

01:15:49.000 I wouldn't want to say that to one of them. 0.99

01:15:51.000 This full fucking cage. 1.00

01:15:53.000 Those guys are savages for no reason. 1.00

01:15:53.000 I wouldn't say that. 1.00

01:15:55.000 What about the cross-country skiers and all of a sudden they got a rifle and they're doing like they're in a gun range.

01:15:59.000 That's different. 1.00

01:16:00.000 That's that stupid fucking... 1.00

01:16:01.000 What is that? 1.00

01:16:02.000 That's not the decathlon.

01:16:03.000 You know what that's like?

01:16:04.000 That's like Tex-Mex food. 1.00

01:16:06.000 Asian infused fucking Americana. 1.00

01:16:06.000 Right. 1.00

01:16:11.000 That's all it is.

01:16:11.000 It's just people...

01:16:12.000 Tex-Mex.

01:16:13.000 People are, you know, doing their version of cross-country skiing.

01:16:16.000 Like that's like...

01:16:18.000 Yeah.

01:16:19.000 I like that cross-country skiing where you then shoot.

01:16:22.000 That's like the beginning of a lot of James Bond things.

01:16:24.000 They always seem to be in the snow.

01:16:25.000 Yeah.

01:16:26.000 Well, the whole idea is the elevated heart rate.

01:16:28.000 It's hard to control your shot.

01:16:29.000 Because I think they're supposed to shoot off-handed, too.

01:16:32.000 You know, they're not supposed to have a rest.

01:16:34.000 I know. 0.97

01:16:34.000 See, I don't know shit about hunting, and that's the thing that I lived for on the hunting shows. 0.97

01:16:38.000 What? 0.98

01:16:39.000 Was when the guys, after the kill, and then they'd just be like, oh man, I was so scared. 1.00

01:16:45.000 I was just saying all this fucking shit. 1.00

01:16:47.000 I get it if you're shooting like a lion. 1.00

01:16:49.000 It's a nerve-wracking thing because you don't want to fuck up. 0.99

01:16:53.000 Because people are going to make fun of you? 1.00

01:16:54.000 No, because you're going to hurt an animal.

01:16:56.000 You don't want to wound the animal. 0.99

01:16:58.000 You want to kill it. 1.00

01:16:58.000 You want to kill it cleanly. 1.00

01:17:00.000 And you have to keep it together while you're pulling the trigger on an animal. 1.00

01:17:04.000 You're going to end its life.

01:17:05.000 It's very nerve-wracking.

01:17:07.000 Can't you just give them the second one?

01:17:09.000 Second bullet? 0.90

01:17:09.000 Oh, you're saying if he rends away and then he thinks suffers. 0.90

01:17:12.000 If you nick it, you know, you shoot it in the leg or something like that, it's very likely it's going to get away and die slowly and get eaten by coyotes or something.

01:17:20.000 It's really bad. 0.98

01:17:21.000 Dude, I got one for you. 1.00

01:17:22.000 Because you got me watching those fucking videos. 1.00

01:17:25.000 Which ones? 1.00

01:17:26.000 First of all, I love bears, but I can't watch them kill anything, because they don't...

01:17:30.000 Did you see the recent one?

01:17:31.000 The bear took down the buffalo at Yellowstone?

01:17:33.000 They don't kill it.

01:17:33.000 Why won't they kill it?

01:17:34.000 Oh, he killed it. 1.00

01:17:35.000 Well, they kill it because they start eating it before it's dead. 0.54

01:17:38.000 They just hold it down. 0.64

01:17:39.000 And start eating.

01:17:40.000 Yeah.

01:17:40.000 That's what bears do.

01:17:42.000 I got one for you.

01:17:43.000 Have you watched the praying mantises videos?

01:17:43.000 Okay.

01:17:46.000 Oh, yes, I have.

01:17:47.000 Did you see the one where the praying mantis eats the lizard and tries to eat him? 0.99

01:17:50.000 Well, because he fucking alligator armed it. 1.00

01:17:52.000 He was like, I'm gonna kill you. 1.00

01:17:54.000 He kind of did the little flicky, he gave him a little jab, and then that thing just grabbed him. 1.00

01:17:58.000 He was like, ah, what the fuck? 0.99

01:18:00.000 Yeah, he like licked at him. 1.00

01:18:01.000 Then started eating his jaw.

01:18:04.000 But if he let his hands go, as you guys say, with his tongue, I think he could have pulled that thing in and crushed him.

01:18:11.000 No.

01:18:12.000 No. 0.99

01:18:13.000 A praying mantis is so fucking strong. 0.99

01:18:15.000 They're so much stronger than you would imagine them being because they have these little stick arms. 0.99

01:18:19.000 Yeah, I watched one eat a hummingbird. 1.00

01:18:22.000 They eat all kinds of shit. 1.00

01:18:22.000 Oh yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:18:24.000 They eat everything that they get a hold of.

01:18:25.000 We're lucky they're little.

01:18:26.000 Praying mantises are amazing. 0.99

01:18:28.000 I fucking love those little things. 0.99

01:18:30.000 They're crazy. 0.99

01:18:31.000 What they can do to a bird or something much larger than them...

01:18:35.000 The lizard was the most impressive because the lizard thought it was going to eat him.

01:18:38.000 And that thing was totally immobilized.

01:18:41.000 Yeah.

01:18:42.000 It was like... 1.00

01:18:43.000 It reminded me of watching the shit that you say, where he's passed his guard, now he's going for this. 1.00

01:18:48.000 That thing was just like, oh! 1.00

01:18:49.000 It's exactly like that.

01:18:50.000 Because their clamp is so...

01:18:52.000 It's like if somebody got you in a dars.

01:18:54.000 It's the same thing.

01:18:55.000 Someone gets this grip and then cinches it up to a dars choke. 1.00

01:19:00.000 You're trapped in there.

01:19:01.000 There it is.

01:19:01.000 That's what it was like.

01:19:02.000 There's this poor fuck. 1.00

01:19:04.000 Look, he thinks he's going to get him. 1.00

01:19:05.000 And he's like, bitch, you ain't getting nothing. 1.00

01:19:07.000 But look how he holds his mouth open. 1.00

01:19:10.000 And then he's like, oh dude, I feel so...

01:19:12.000 The strength!

01:19:13.000 But this lizard, he gets away.

01:19:14.000 He gets away for a second.

01:19:15.000 But this is what's crazy.

01:19:17.000 For a second?

01:19:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:18.000 He starts eating his mouth.

01:19:18.000 Look at...

01:19:21.000 He just starts slowly pulling them apart.

01:19:22.000 I know what he's doing, Joe.

01:19:23.000 I know what he's doing.

01:19:24.000 I love it.

01:19:25.000 Have you ever seen Praying Mantis versus a murder hornet?

01:19:28.000 You know, everybody's afraid of murder hornets.

01:19:30.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:19:30.000 He's like, fuck, what did you do to my face? 1.00

01:19:32.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:19:33.000 He's like in pain.

01:19:34.000 He's shaking it off. 1.00

01:19:35.000 And the Praying Mantis is like, bitch, I'm not done with you yet. 1.00

01:19:38.000 Like, he's in agony and he's spazzing around. 0.99

01:19:40.000 And the Praying Mantis just locks onto him again and slowly starts pulling him apart.

01:19:45.000 And at the end, he's dead.

01:19:46.000 He just starts eating his brain. 0.94

01:19:48.000 Look at that.

01:19:49.000 They just can pull that skin apart and bite right through it. 1.00

01:19:53.000 But a thing's so much bigger than him.

01:19:55.000 That's like you eating a cow.

01:19:56.000 That's like you holding a cow down.

01:19:58.000 I wouldn't do that to him.

01:19:59.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:20:00.000 He's eating his fucking brain. 1.00

01:20:02.000 Lizard's dead as fuck. 1.00

01:20:03.000 Well, that part's not a problem for me right here, because now it's dead. 1.00

01:20:06.000 Yeah, but it died this way.

01:20:08.000 That was the part I wanted to avoid.

01:20:08.000 I know it did.

01:20:09.000 I love it.

01:20:11.000 I'm a big fan of the praying mantis.

01:20:13.000 I like their technique.

01:20:15.000 I'm not going to begrudge what they do.

01:20:17.000 I don't need to see.

01:20:18.000 Pull the video of the grizzly taking down the buffalo.

01:20:21.000 It was only two days ago.

01:20:22.000 It was in Yellowstone.

01:20:23.000 It linked me to a 30-minute video of it just fucking up all sorts of animal art.

01:20:27.000 Prank mantis?

01:20:28.000 Yeah.

01:20:28.000 Oh, put that on.

01:20:29.000 Oh, by the way, there's so many fucking people. 1.00

01:20:32.000 Here it goes. 1.00

01:20:33.000 What's he fucking up this one? 0.97

01:20:35.000 All kinds of things. 0.95

01:20:36.000 Leaf bugs.

01:20:36.000 What is that?

01:20:37.000 Oh, wow.

01:20:37.000 It's a leaf bug, I think.

01:20:38.000 What a weird-looking creature.

01:20:39.000 Oh, the prank mantis is pink.

01:20:42.000 He's camouflaged himself.

01:20:45.000 Oh wow, now he's the color of the leaf bug.

01:20:47.000 Yeah, this is a good 10 million views on this praying mantis video.

01:20:50.000 They're amazing animals, man.

01:20:52.000 What were you gonna say?

01:20:53.000 What were you mad about?

01:20:55.000 I wasn't mad about anything.

01:20:56.000 I was just like...

01:20:57.000 You know...

01:20:59.000 I love bears, right?

01:21:00.000 Yes. 0.99

01:21:01.000 I love when they ride the bikes at the fucking circus. 0.99

01:21:07.000 I love bears. 0.99

01:21:09.000 I love when they ride the bike at the circus.

01:21:12.000 This is my thing about that.

01:21:14.000 What did they have to do to that bear? 0.99

01:21:16.000 When you see what this thing can do to a bison, what did they do to that bear to get him to get on a fucking bicycle? 0.99

01:21:23.000 Give him food. 0.99

01:21:25.000 That's how they train them.

01:21:25.000 Is that how you did it?

01:21:27.000 You got a bear in the back?

01:21:27.000 I've never done it before.

01:21:28.000 Just the confidence, the way you said that.

01:21:30.000 Because I've seen them train them.

01:21:32.000 I've seen them train bears.

01:21:33.000 Yeah.

01:21:34.000 Are you one of those guys who doesn't need any sleep? 1.00

01:21:36.000 Like, of all the random fucking things. 1.00

01:21:38.000 I've seen it. 0.99

01:21:39.000 This is the one where the bear freaks out.

01:21:40.000 Oh, with the whip?

01:21:42.000 That little whip there? 1.00

01:21:43.000 He's just on a bike.

01:21:44.000 I don't think he freaks out.

01:21:47.000 I don't think he's beating the bear.

01:21:49.000 I'll tell you right now, that guy's not dressed to be attacked by a bear.

01:21:53.000 No. 0.58

01:21:54.000 Well, the bear's got a muzzle on, and it's a little-ass bear. 1.00

01:21:57.000 Dude, fuck you, man. 1.00

01:21:59.000 Fuck you? 1.00

01:21:59.000 They got the Freddy Krueger claws. 1.00

01:22:05.000 He got four of them.

01:22:06.000 He's on a Vespa now.

01:22:07.000 Look at that.

01:22:08.000 Wow.

01:22:09.000 I mean, can you humiliate a bear even more?

01:22:11.000 He's got to wear that frilly outfit.

01:22:13.000 Didn't give him a motorcycle.

01:22:15.000 You're the one who's a big fan of the bears riding bikes.

01:22:16.000 I was joking.

01:22:17.000 Me too.

01:22:18.000 I was joking.

01:22:20.000 I didn't know.

01:22:21.000 Maybe the bear should have a mask on.

01:22:22.000 I actually watched a whole training video of how, like, where do you find, what part of the internet are you on?

01:22:28.000 Well, I don't know. 0.99

01:22:29.000 I was trying to figure out why people are like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:22:32.000 That guy's got a giant grizzly bear on the back of his bike. 0.99

01:22:36.000 And playing a horn.

01:22:36.000 And it's playing a trumpet.

01:22:38.000 Does he got any volume on this trumpet?

01:22:39.000 Let me hear this.

01:22:41.000 Oh.

01:22:42.000 Bag it up there.

01:22:46.000 Hello.

01:22:48.000 That says the bus. 1.00

01:22:51.000 This person that's filming this is an idiot. 1.00

01:22:54.000 You think it can't break out of that seatbelt and just... 1.00

01:22:58.000 Did you see the bear flipping them off? 1.00

01:22:59.000 That thing has on a fucking lap belt! 1.00

01:23:01.000 Yeah, what is the bear doing? 1.00

01:23:03.000 Imagine?

01:23:03.000 He's just...

01:23:04.000 This has got to be Russia, right? 0.99

01:23:07.000 I mean, the only way they would allow this is in Russia.

01:23:09.000 Yeah.

01:23:10.000 Yeah, look at the language in the back of that truck. 1.00

01:23:12.000 He's yelling at the fucking traffic. 1.00

01:23:13.000 Jesus Christ, let's fucking go! 1.00

01:23:15.000 Size of that fucking thing. 1.00

01:23:17.000 My God. 1.00

01:23:18.000 Just throwing his arms up, just thinking about ripping a person apart.

01:23:21.000 No, he isn't.

01:23:22.000 Yeah, he's thinking like, I used to be in the woods. 0.97

01:23:24.000 I could fucking eat whatever I wanted. 0.96

01:23:26.000 The weird thing about bears is if you train them when they're young, they're almost like dogs. 0.99

01:23:30.000 They become your buddy.

01:23:33.000 It's weird, those people that have them. 1.00

01:23:35.000 The day somebody tells that bear that it's riding, bitch, that guy fucking, that guy riding the motorcycle is gonna be in trouble. 1.00

01:23:43.000 He's riding on the side cart. 1.00

01:23:45.000 Yeah, he's gonna be in trouble.

01:23:47.000 Remember those side carts?

01:23:49.000 Whatever happened to those?

01:23:50.000 You never see those, a motorcycle with a side cart.

01:23:52.000 You ever see the racing?

01:23:53.000 No, they do sidecar racing.

01:23:55.000 Sidecar racing, and when they go around a turn, okay, and it's on the side where the guy's riding.

01:24:00.000 The side is lifted up.

01:24:01.000 That guy, he has to stand up. 0.98

01:24:04.000 Dude, they're going like, I don't know how many fucking miles an hour. 0.93

01:24:06.000 He has to stand up and lean over, all the way over on this side of the bike because of the weight of the sidecar plus his weight. 0.93

01:24:12.000 So it doesn't, yeah, and they can go through the turn at a higher speed.

01:24:12.000 So it doesn't fall off.

01:24:15.000 I mean...

01:24:17.000 It's bad enough when you're the guy in the car with the map.

01:24:19.000 You ever seen those when they have two drivers?

01:24:22.000 Yeah, the one guy's yelling, turn and 100 yards, left, right, left.

01:24:26.000 Yeah, those are those rally drivers, right?

01:24:28.000 I never understood that.

01:24:29.000 Do you know what they're doing?

01:24:30.000 They're yelling out directions of the road, right?

01:24:32.000 But they have notebooks that tells them, like, what's the next turn, next turn right, next turn left.

01:24:37.000 I would guess that the course is so long that they can't memorize it. 0.99

01:24:42.000 Or maybe it's just through a fucking town. 0.99

01:24:44.000 Yeah, it must be. 1.00

01:24:45.000 Yeah.

01:24:46.000 This is a sidecar racing?

01:24:48.000 He's on the back of the driver, I believe.

01:24:50.000 Can you see how he moves over there? 1.00

01:24:52.000 Boy, they're going fast as fuck. 0.99

01:24:53.000 They're going really fast. 1.00

01:24:55.000 Oh my god.

01:24:57.000 You're the one who turned me on to those bike races in the Isle of Man.

01:25:01.000 I was supposed to go to that this year.

01:25:03.000 Oh! 0.60

01:25:04.000 You would be on the side?

01:25:05.000 Oh, no. 0.99

01:25:07.000 No, no, no fucking way. 0.99

01:25:08.000 No, I planned to befriend some people in town with a balcony. 0.99

01:25:13.000 Even then, like, God knows some part of the bike could come flying up.

01:25:17.000 I want to go to that before they outlaw it.

01:25:19.000 Do you think they get outlawed?

01:25:20.000 Just because people die every year?

01:25:22.000 More people have died than years they've had it.

01:25:25.000 And it's still like...

01:25:25.000 Whoa.

01:25:26.000 Look at these motherfuckers. 1.00

01:25:28.000 They are flying. 1.00

01:25:29.000 This is insane.

01:25:29.000 So more than one person dies every year.

01:25:33.000 That's what that would mean, right?

01:25:34.000 Basically average.

01:25:35.000 Yeah.

01:25:36.000 And I think way back in the day, way more people died.

01:25:38.000 Like the safety...

01:25:40.000 Equipment is much better, but as you see, they're going by brick walls and trees, and there's just no...

01:25:45.000 Jesus Christ. 0.92

01:25:46.000 When you say safety equipment, what the fuck kind of safety equipment's going to save you here? 0.94

01:25:51.000 Yeah, well, they have an airbag, which is a really amazing piece of technology, where it can tell when you've let go of the bike and you're falling instantaneously, and it protects your... 0.86

01:26:00.000 Organs?

01:26:01.000 Yeah, but obviously your brain's in the fluid, so it doesn't protect that. 1.00

01:26:06.000 I tell you, but the best racing out there, MotoGP, is the shit. 1.00

01:26:11.000 It's better than this? 0.99

01:26:14.000 Well, I don't know.

01:26:17.000 Yeah, I would actually say, because I like the passing.

01:26:20.000 There's so much passing.

01:26:21.000 Kind of like with Formula One, where the Mercedes and Ferrari are just so much better than everybody else.

01:26:27.000 It kind of comes down to the two of them.

01:26:29.000 And every year, since I've been watching since 2015, so I'm new to the sport.

01:26:32.000 Italian GP right here.

01:26:34.000 Yes, that's DiVizioso, Marc Marquez, I believe.

01:26:36.000 You know these guys?

01:26:37.000 Yeah.

01:26:38.000 Wow.

01:26:38.000 So Marc Marquez, the guy in second place, he's the Jordan of the sports right.

01:26:44.000 Really?

01:26:44.000 Davizioso is actually in third.

01:26:46.000 I don't know who's in first.

01:26:47.000 So that's a Ducati, a Honda Ducati, and I think a Suzuki.

01:26:51.000 Do you ride?

01:26:53.000 I did for three months out here.

01:26:55.000 I always wanted to ride.

01:26:55.000 My parents would never let me.

01:26:56.000 So finally out here, I took a motorcycle safety course.

01:26:59.000 I got my license and everything.

01:27:00.000 And then I had a bike for like two months.

01:27:02.000 And it was just...

01:27:03.000 LA is not the place to learn how to ride.

01:27:05.000 And everyone was texting while driving.

01:27:08.000 You want to go to Wyoming?

01:27:10.000 I think I want to get a dirt bike.

01:27:12.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

01:27:14.000 But this is the type of shit, like with this racing, what I like is, like three or four races last year on the final lap, there was like two guys that would pass each other like four or five times. 1.00

01:27:28.000 Like that shit right there. 0.99

01:27:30.000 So then you try to come on the brakes, the latest on the brakes, but not overshoot the turn. 1.00

01:27:36.000 I mean, there's just so much shit that's... 0.99

01:27:38.000 You sort of learn as you're watching. 0.99

01:27:40.000 I still don't know shit about it, but these guys are fucking incredible. 0.89

01:27:43.000 Would you be into going to a track? 0.98

01:27:44.000 Learning how to ride on a track?

01:27:46.000 That seems like the safest way to do it.

01:27:47.000 Absolutely.

01:27:48.000 That is the way to do it.

01:27:49.000 And then wear all of that gear and then have fun and you can open up.

01:27:53.000 Dean sent me a video today of this guy on a Porsche that could go 200 miles an hour. 0.99

01:27:57.000 But he fucking does it on a highway, and it's just like, you're going to kill somebody or kill yourself. 0.99

01:28:01.000 It's like, take that thing to the track. 1.00

01:28:02.000 Yeah, don't do that.

01:28:03.000 And God forbid you hit some debris.

01:28:06.000 What's going to happen to your car? 0.98

01:28:08.000 I think there's a lot of people that buy high-performance shit that go into a track either that is not available, it doesn't enter their mind. 0.65

01:28:16.000 Somebody like myself, it wasn't until I started watching racing... 0.98

01:28:19.000 I kind of learned a little bit about it.

01:28:21.000 I'm like, oh, there's like a track, you know, out in the Inland Empire.

01:28:23.000 You know, there's a day where the general public can come down or whatever.

01:28:27.000 You can pay to rent the track.

01:28:29.000 And it's kind of like, you know, a lot of these guys you see driving around in Ferraris.

01:28:33.000 The only time I ever drove a Ferrari was I drove one on the track. 0.98

01:28:36.000 It was fucking unbelievable. 0.94

01:28:37.000 Like, how hard you could stomp on the brakes without the thing locking up. 0.99

01:28:41.000 And...

01:28:43.000 You're trying to impress the guy you're riding with, and you think you just want to be like flooring it and blah, blah, blah.

01:28:47.000 And what you really want to be doing is smoothly going around.

01:28:51.000 The smoother you go, both on the gas and braking, then it becomes like this really... 0.93

01:28:58.000 Like, finesse thing where it looks like you just grab it by the fucking throat and, you know, like I said, I only did it one time, but, like, I immediately learned that, like, made me appreciate what they were doing a lot more. 0.99

01:29:08.000 Plus, I only went around five times and my fucking brain was like... 0.99

01:29:12.000 The G-force and all that. 0.99

01:29:13.000 Yeah!

01:29:14.000 Like, I almost felt a little bit, uh...

01:29:17.000 I'm not sick. 0.99

01:29:18.000 I just felt a little fucked up. 0.95

01:29:19.000 Like, I'm gonna sit down here for a couple of seconds, not say it to any of the guys I'm driving with. 0.99

01:29:23.000 Hey, fine, fine.

01:29:24.000 I could do that all day.

01:29:25.000 Jimmy, pull up Porsche Rally Driving.

01:29:28.000 The dirt road Porsche drivers.

01:29:30.000 Those are the guys that are reading left, right, left, right.

01:29:33.000 They have a notebook.

01:29:35.000 You need a driver next to you that's got a notebook.

01:29:39.000 That looks like a lot of fun.

01:29:40.000 Apparently, that's a great way to learn how to really drive, too, is on the dirt.

01:29:44.000 Same with dirt bikes, because, you know, you slide a lot.

01:29:46.000 So you learn how to counter-steer, and you learn how to handle the weight out back.

01:29:51.000 Like, as it's kicking out, you learn how to counter it.

01:29:53.000 I have this weird thing where I am fascinated by machines, and everything that I see, I want to learn how to drive it or fly it or whatever.

01:30:01.000 But I'm not a speed guy.

01:30:03.000 Like, I'm just not into, like...

01:30:06.000 Because you're smart.

01:30:07.000 Going fast as...

01:30:08.000 I don't know.

01:30:09.000 It's dangerous.

01:30:09.000 I like chilling.

01:30:10.000 Yeah, these guys.

01:30:11.000 See, there's the guy with the book.

01:30:12.000 This is a regular rope. 0.99

01:30:13.000 Look how fucking... 0.98

01:30:14.000 So it's got a digital thing telling him what gear he's in. 0.98

01:30:18.000 And here's what fascinates me is the trust between those two guys.

01:30:22.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

01:30:23.000 Look how fucking fast he is. 1.00

01:30:24.000 This guy is driving like a fucking lunatic, and this guy is looking down at his paper. 1.00

01:30:29.000 You know when your friend starts driving like a lunatic, you're looking at him going, dude, dude, slow down, slow down! 1.00

01:30:33.000 This is a road. 0.97

01:30:34.000 People and trees and cars and houses on both sides. 1.00

01:30:38.000 This guy's flying down this fucking road. 0.99

01:30:40.000 And he's going sideways all the time. 1.00

01:30:43.000 You see him counter-steering all the time. 1.00

01:30:44.000 We see his ass end kick out. 0.99

01:30:46.000 Like, all the time. 0.99

01:30:48.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

01:30:49.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:30:49.000 And how about these fucking people that are so confident they can stand on the side of the road while these maniacs are fucking... 1.00

01:30:54.000 I used to think racing was just this stupid, mindless thing, and now I think it's one of the coolest sports out there. 1.00

01:31:00.000 Oh, it's a very cool sport. 0.95

01:31:02.000 I like driving cars just to feel the mechanical, just the gears moving and all the things that are happening.

01:31:09.000 I have an old Porsche, a 93, that's no power steering.

01:31:14.000 It doesn't have a radio.

01:31:16.000 It doesn't have anything.

01:31:16.000 That's awesome.

01:31:17.000 And it's all air-cooled, so it sounds like...

01:31:20.000 It's really mechanical.

01:31:23.000 Have you ever seen it?

01:31:23.000 I'll show it to you after we're done.

01:31:24.000 Is that that red one?

01:31:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:26.000 I wish I had the key with me here.

01:31:27.000 I'd let you drive it.

01:31:28.000 It's fun, but it's not fast.

01:31:30.000 It's the slowest car I have, but it's fun.

01:31:33.000 It's so fun to drive.

01:31:35.000 You feel everything.

01:31:36.000 You feel every bump.

01:31:38.000 There's nothing between you and the wheels in terms of steering.

01:31:41.000 There's no power.

01:31:42.000 You're steering the wheel all by your hand.

01:31:43.000 It's really hard to steer.

01:31:44.000 It's not that safe, either.

01:31:46.000 You can't make quick turns. 1.00

01:31:48.000 You've got to really muscle that motherfucker. 1.00

01:31:50.000 Look at these guys! 1.00

01:31:52.000 Oh, Jesus Christ! 1.00

01:31:54.000 Look at these fucking crazy assholes standing by with these guys. 1.00

01:31:57.000 I like the guy with the propeller hat. 1.00

01:31:58.000 He's just like, yep, I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:32:00.000 I'm enjoying this, though. 1.00

01:32:01.000 Look at the fucking height, and this guy catches the ground with two wheels. 0.99

01:32:05.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

01:32:06.000 It does land good.

01:32:06.000 Does it land good?

01:32:07.000 That's amazing.

01:32:09.000 But I drive that car to the Comedy Store.

01:32:11.000 If I want to do like, if I'm really working on something or I really want to be jazzed up for a set, I'll take that car to the Comedy Store. 0.84

01:32:19.000 Because it's so loud and fucking smoky and...

01:32:23.000 Everything's like, your whole body, you feel it. 0.76

01:32:28.000 You're excited when you get there.

01:32:30.000 It's like you're on a stimulant.

01:32:31.000 Yeah, I know.

01:32:32.000 It's fun, man.

01:32:35.000 All of that stuff.

01:32:35.000 I love them.

01:32:36.000 Woo! 0.99

01:32:36.000 Look at these guys. 0.99

01:32:37.000 Jesus Christ.

01:32:40.000 You know, since the last time I did this show, I got to finally fly an A-Star, which was what the cops and the news guys fly.

01:32:48.000 And that was the coolest thing.

01:32:49.000 A-Star helicopter, we should tell people.

01:32:51.000 Is the coolest thing I've ever flown as far as like... 0.99

01:32:58.000 Just the power it had, compared to what, you know, I fly these little fucking egg beaters or whatever, but like, I did until all that bullshit happened.

01:33:05.000 But I got, one of the last flights I did, I got to fly, a buddy of mine who was training me to get my instrument, like I passed the test. 0.93

01:33:14.000 And then after you pass the test, you have two years.

01:33:16.000 So I still have two years, I have to December of next year to pass it, so I gotta finish that part of it, you know?

01:33:23.000 Did we do a podcast since you took me up?

01:33:25.000 Have you done one since you took me up?

01:33:27.000 I think we did.

01:33:28.000 I think we did, yeah.

01:33:29.000 Did we, Jamie?

01:33:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:30.000 Fuck, that was fun. 1.00

01:33:31.000 We went over downtown LA and you realize how many of those buildings have helicopter spots on the top? 1.00

01:33:35.000 Yeah.

01:33:36.000 That was fun, man.

01:33:38.000 It's crazy to me that with a helicopter, you could just kind of go wherever you want to go.

01:33:42.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:33:43.000 Just fucking float around. 0.99

01:33:44.000 Just go wherever you want to go. 1.00

01:33:45.000 Like a hummingbird.

01:33:45.000 You can just stop.

01:33:47.000 But then what it is is you give up speed.

01:33:50.000 Yeah.

01:33:51.000 For that design.

01:33:52.000 There's all kinds of drag in just the way it's designed for what you want to do with it.

01:33:56.000 You give up speed.

01:33:57.000 So I get envious of planes where even if you get like a Cessna, they can just fly.

01:34:04.000 I mean, I think even like the...

01:34:07.000 Some of the smaller ones can fly faster than some of the faster heli...

01:34:11.000 I mean, you'd have to have an 8 million dollar helicopter.

01:34:13.000 Maybe that could fly faster. 0.98

01:34:13.000 But anything that I've fucked with, you can't come anywhere near. 0.98

01:34:16.000 Most of them, 120, 130 knots. 0.98

01:34:19.000 And then it depends on headwind or tailwind.

01:34:21.000 What's a knot to a mile an hour?

01:34:23.000 Well, it depends on how the wind... 0.99

01:34:26.000 Because you can literally be flying 90 knots and have like a fucking 50... 0.88

01:34:30.000 Not what I fly, but a significant headwind. 1.00

01:34:33.000 This is all shit you have to know on the test, and the second you take the test, you fucking forget. 1.00

01:34:37.000 I forget. 1.00

01:34:38.000 But you'll actually be going slower. 0.96

01:34:41.000 I've had times, especially out in Palm Desert and stuff, where there's a Venturi with the way the mountains are, and when the fucking... 0.92

01:34:49.000 The wind comes in, which can be really fucking scary as far as how it throws you around. 0.94

01:34:53.000 You're looking down at the highway with what I fly and they're going faster than you. 0.76

01:34:57.000 And you're just sitting there like... 0.98

01:34:58.000 And then that's when it sucks. 1.00

01:35:00.000 Because also with a helicopter, you can't just like take your hands off as shit. 0.99

01:35:05.000 So you have to, you're literally, it's like your Porsche, like you're, you know, I'm imagining like trying to parallel park that car, even though it's a lighter car. 0.92

01:35:05.000 Right. 0.92

01:35:14.000 It's a nightmare.

01:35:15.000 I have a 68 Ford F100 when I first had it, I didn't have power steering, dude, and it was just light.

01:35:19.000 I mean, I remember when you brought that thing to the ice house. 1.00

01:35:22.000 That thing is the shit. 1.00

01:35:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:23.000 I love that old truck. 1.00

01:35:25.000 That's kind of my thing.

01:35:26.000 I like the trucks, and then I like old, like, not pimp cars.

01:35:32.000 Like, the guy who is a pimp, but he's not a pimp.

01:35:36.000 Like, you know what I mean?

01:35:38.000 Like, not literally a pimp. 0.99

01:35:39.000 He doesn't have a stable of bitches, but he's crushing life. 1.00

01:35:42.000 Like, I like that car. 0.99

01:35:43.000 Like, if I was going to get another car, I would get a 67 Cadillac Eldorado.

01:35:48.000 And it's actually the color that I loved. 0.99

01:35:51.000 It was in the Tarantino movie, but somebody was selling one, and I swear to God, by the time I saw the YouTube video it was already sold, I would have bought that fucking car. 0.99

01:35:58.000 It's the most gangster man's car. 0.98

01:36:03.000 Just the back end of that car, it's perfection. 1.00

01:36:06.000 I absolutely love that fucking car. 0.99

01:36:08.000 That's a beautiful car. 1.00

01:36:09.000 67 Eldorado.

01:36:10.000 Would you get a convertible or a regular?

01:36:12.000 No, I hate convertibles.

01:36:13.000 Do you really?

01:36:14.000 All convertibles?

01:36:15.000 Yeah, I'm a little sexist with the convertible.

01:36:19.000 There's one convertible that I like, the one that I have, the 65 Corvette.

01:36:24.000 That's a 70. No, no, that's...

01:36:26.000 What year is that?

01:36:27.000 It's the car that the woman playing Margot Robbie... 1.00

01:36:32.000 There it is, there it is, there it is.

01:36:34.000 Right there.

01:36:34.000 Looks like it's green there, but I think it was blue.

01:36:38.000 Not that one.

01:36:38.000 No, not that one.

01:36:39.000 The guy with the suspenders, right to the left of that.

01:36:43.000 Yeah.

01:36:44.000 That one there?

01:36:44.000 That car.

01:36:45.000 Oh, wow.

01:36:46.000 You got to see the back end of that car.

01:36:48.000 What year is that?

01:36:49.000 That's a late, the 67 or 68 or something like that.

01:36:53.000 But the back end, look up a 67 Cadillac Eldorado rear end. 0.99

01:36:58.000 This is what I do while you're learning how to train a fucking bear to ride a bicycle. 1.00

01:37:03.000 I look at this shit. 1.00

01:37:06.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:37:07.000 Click on that first one.

01:37:08.000 Click on the first one.

01:37:08.000 We can see a little bit of the side of the car.

01:37:10.000 I mean, look at that.

01:37:10.000 That's beautiful.

01:37:12.000 That is beautiful.

01:37:13.000 You need one of those in your life, Bill.

01:37:14.000 I do.

01:37:15.000 I need you driving one of those.

01:37:16.000 This is what I love about my wife.

01:37:18.000 I'll show her that.

01:37:19.000 I go, what do you think about that? 0.99

01:37:20.000 She's like, that's a fucking good looking car. 1.00

01:37:22.000 She would be cool if I got something like that, I think. 0.99

01:37:25.000 For sure.

01:37:26.000 But look at that color.

01:37:26.000 Yeah.

01:37:27.000 I'm too fair-skinned to drive that.

01:37:29.000 You need olive skin.

01:37:30.000 No, no.

01:37:30.000 Or more.

01:37:31.000 You could pull it off.

01:37:32.000 You could pull it off.

01:37:32.000 You need one of them paperboy hats, though.

01:37:34.000 No, that thing would fucking... 1.00

01:37:37.000 That thing would blend too much in with my beard. 0.99

01:37:40.000 Yeah.

01:37:42.000 I just look like it'd be the ginger mobile. 0.91

01:37:44.000 What color would you get?

01:37:46.000 There's a year they got...

01:37:48.000 There's a blue that they have.

01:37:51.000 It's not that blue.

01:37:53.000 It's more of a...

01:37:54.000 Oh, look at that red one. 0.86

01:37:55.000 Click on that red one in the middle.

01:37:57.000 But look at the front end.

01:37:58.000 When your lights are flipped out, look at that thing.

01:38:00.000 Look how good that looks in red.

01:38:00.000 Oh my God.

01:38:02.000 That's a fucking beautiful car. 1.00

01:38:05.000 Oh. 0.99

01:38:06.000 But the lines in that car, that's just like...

01:38:08.000 And then that's the kind of... 0.99

01:38:09.000 I mean, you're not going to smoke a cigar driving down the street riding that fucking thing? 0.99

01:38:11.000 You have to. 1.00

01:38:12.000 Yeah.

01:38:13.000 That's beautiful.

01:38:14.000 I think I'm going to get one.

01:38:16.000 Get one!

01:38:17.000 I know.

01:38:17.000 Where am I going to put it?

01:38:18.000 Then I'm going to be that guy with the fucking garage. 0.99

01:38:20.000 Put it here. 0.99

01:38:21.000 You can park it here.

01:38:22.000 I'll give you a key.

01:38:24.000 I got plenty of room.

01:38:25.000 Hey! 0.99

01:38:25.000 All right! 0.99

01:38:26.000 Dude.

01:38:27.000 This is why you're the number one podcast in the world.

01:38:29.000 I'm trying to help people.

01:38:31.000 I'm trying to encourage irresponsible behavior.

01:38:34.000 Yeah, and if you continue to own your podcast, you can buy something like that. 0.99

01:38:37.000 And if you don't, your fucking agent will buy that. 0.99

01:38:40.000 Yeah, I love them. 1.00

01:38:42.000 I love Cadillac convertibles, too, though.

01:38:44.000 I don't like muscle car convertibles after a certain...

01:38:47.000 Like mine, that Corvette that I have out there?

01:38:50.000 You've seen that silver one?

01:38:51.000 I love that in a convertible.

01:38:53.000 But that has an aftermarket suspension, an aftermarket frame.

01:38:57.000 I've seen all those cars.

01:38:58.000 The fact that the old ones, the frame, there's too much bounce.

01:39:03.000 There's too much shake and wiggle.

01:39:04.000 You have to have an aftermarket chassis.

01:39:06.000 It's far stiffer.

01:39:07.000 They make it so that it's very, very rigid.

01:39:10.000 It doesn't bounce around nearly as much.

01:39:11.000 Yeah, didn't they just make a sway bar or something that you would put in there? 1.00

01:39:14.000 Because I know in my truck, when I take a turn, I have to grab underneath the seat and hang on so I don't slide into the door.

01:39:20.000 They can upgrade your coilovers and stuff like that and put a better suspension on it so it handles a little better.

01:39:26.000 I have a nice balance of a little bit of modern on it and still fighting it so you feel like...

01:39:30.000 Because it still shifts on the column which I think is badass.

01:39:33.000 But then when I get on the highway I gotta stay in the right lane, you know?

01:39:35.000 Three on the tree, right?

01:39:36.000 Yeah.

01:39:37.000 Do you have disc brakes on it?

01:39:38.000 Do you swap disc brakes out?

01:39:41.000 It had just the shoes on it.

01:39:44.000 The drums?

01:39:45.000 The drum brakes, yeah.

01:39:46.000 And then I converted those.

01:39:48.000 Christopher Titus helped me with those.

01:39:51.000 And then what did I do after that?

01:39:54.000 I switched out the radiator because they tended to run hot, so they put an aluminum one in.

01:40:00.000 And what else did we do to it?

01:40:03.000 Titus used to have.

01:40:04.000 Power brakes and then power steering.

01:40:06.000 Titus used to have a sweet, I think it was a 55 Chevy that they made for him on the show Rides.

01:40:14.000 It was incredible.

01:40:15.000 Oh, that Chip Foose car, right?

01:40:16.000 Yeah, I think Chip Foose made it, yeah.

01:40:18.000 It was incredible, though.

01:40:20.000 Just, I don't know if he still has it.

01:40:22.000 He might have lost it when he got divorced and all that jazz.

01:40:25.000 No, I think he got it back.

01:40:26.000 I think he got it back.

01:40:26.000 Did he?

01:40:28.000 See if you can find it.

01:40:29.000 Christopher Titus' car.

01:40:30.000 I like those Resto Mod Cars.

01:40:34.000 It's sort of the perfect.

01:40:35.000 There it is.

01:40:35.000 Look at that fucking thing.

01:40:37.000 God damn. 1.00

01:40:39.000 That is a work of art. 1.00

01:40:41.000 God, it's beautiful.

01:40:41.000 It's all very modified, too.

01:40:43.000 56 Bel Air Custom by Chip Foose.

01:40:47.000 Go down, Jamie, into that one on the left hand right there with Titus right there.

01:40:51.000 I think that's him.

01:40:52.000 Yeah, look at that. 1.00

01:40:53.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:40:54.000 I mean, that's a badass car. 1.00

01:40:55.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:40:57.000 That is incredible. 1.00

01:40:59.000 That car is incredible.

01:41:00.000 Like when do you like look at that or drive that and not smile?

01:41:05.000 Yeah.

01:41:05.000 That's what I don't know.

01:41:07.000 I like also... 0.99

01:41:09.000 I'm into those cab-over-engine fucking trucks. 1.00

01:41:12.000 I like weird shit. 1.00

01:41:13.000 What's a cab-over-engine? 1.00

01:41:14.000 What is that?

01:41:15.000 Look those up.

01:41:15.000 Those were the trucks' 40s and 50s, and the reason why they had that was there was some weird law where they didn't want trucks to get too long.

01:41:25.000 So they kept the tractor-trailer long, and then they put the engine...

01:41:31.000 Cab-over-engine is what it stands for.

01:41:33.000 Oh, so the engine's below you while you're sitting there. 0.90

01:41:35.000 Yeah, so if you look at some of the ones that people have fixed up, they're fucking wild. 0.96

01:41:39.000 That is wild. 0.97

01:41:40.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:41:41.000 Yeah.

01:41:43.000 Wow. 0.95

01:41:44.000 But the thing is, if you do a gig in, like, Wyoming, you can find an all-original one just, like, sitting in, like, junkyards and shit. 1.00

01:41:50.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

01:41:52.000 Goddamn, that's beautiful. 1.00

01:41:52.000 Like, I always wish, like, one of those car shows, like, Fast and Loud, the ones I've watched throughout the years, I always wish that somebody would do one of those. 1.00

01:41:59.000 I had that guy on the podcast.

01:42:00.000 He was awesome.

01:42:02.000 Yeah.

01:42:02.000 He brought his own tequila.

01:42:03.000 Oh, there's another great one from when I was a kid.

01:42:05.000 That yellow one down.

01:42:07.000 That's a Ford.

01:42:08.000 Yep.

01:42:09.000 I love those because that was like the fire engines looked like that thing.

01:42:13.000 But it's like, what would you do with it?

01:42:15.000 Drive around.

01:42:15.000 Take it to the store.

01:42:18.000 It's for sale, Gateway Classic cars.

01:42:20.000 I know. 1.00

01:42:21.000 But that's like the dumb shit. 1.00

01:42:23.000 I like those... 1.00

01:42:24.000 I like those kind of...

01:42:25.000 The GMC RV from Stripes. 0.99

01:42:28.000 And you got to do it in the Palm Desert fucking... 0.99

01:42:31.000 The Ron Burgundy green. 0.99

01:42:34.000 You like very odd cars. 0.94

01:42:37.000 Yeah, well at first I think you're into Mustangs and you're into fucking like the GTOs and the ones you're supposed to like. 0.63

01:42:44.000 And then, I'll ignore what you just did there. 0.95

01:42:47.000 And then, I mean, look at that. 0.99

01:42:48.000 You gotta get the interior on that fucking thing. 0.99

01:42:50.000 It's a Scooby-Doo mobile. 1.00

01:42:52.000 That's the mystery mobile.

01:42:53.000 No, they had a van.

01:42:55.000 Okay, click on the one, you're on the right, the lower left, all the way to the lower left, from the cluster on the right.

01:43:03.000 Yeah.

01:43:04.000 Is that it? 1.00

01:43:05.000 Click on that fucking thing. 1.00

01:43:07.000 No, that's not it. 1.00

01:43:08.000 No.

01:43:08.000 Is that one there?

01:43:10.000 Which one do you want?

01:43:11.000 It's the best green one they have.

01:43:13.000 Just click.

01:43:14.000 There it is.

01:43:15.000 Look at that.

01:43:16.000 And inside, it looks like a Ron Burgundy suit. 1.00

01:43:19.000 Like it's the green plaid type shit. 0.99

01:43:23.000 Get a little humidor in there. 0.99

01:43:25.000 Drive around, do some fun.

01:43:26.000 I mean, look at that.

01:43:26.000 Look at that.

01:43:27.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:43:28.000 That's the fucking shit. 1.00

01:43:31.000 So you like those old cars, like GTOs and Firebirds and shit like that? 1.00

01:43:35.000 I like all of those, but what I don't like about them is the baby boomers like them, and they have a zillion dollars. 0.99

01:43:42.000 So then all of a sudden it's like, you know, this is a Mustang Shelby.

01:43:46.000 We're going to start the bidding at $250,000. 1.00

01:43:49.000 It's like, oh, fuck yourself. 1.00

01:43:51.000 So I like... 1.00

01:43:55.000 I like a 65 Ford Galaxy.

01:43:57.000 That's what Frank Murphy, Season 4, F is for Family.

01:43:59.000 That's what he drives.

01:44:01.000 I like station wagons.

01:44:02.000 Have you ever seen those Icon Thriftmasters?

01:44:05.000 Do you know what that is?

01:44:06.000 Jonathan Ward, the guy from Icon, he takes an old Thriftmaster and redoes it completely from the bottom up. 0.91

01:44:15.000 It's the fucking most incredible car. 0.94

01:44:17.000 It drives like a car, but look at that. 1.00

01:44:19.000 It looks insane.

01:44:22.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:44:23.000 And they do it from the bottom up.

01:44:25.000 So it's all like modern brakes, modern suspension, beautiful interior.

01:44:29.000 That's what I love.

01:44:29.000 But then when you go inside, I want it to look like the year that that truck was.

01:44:33.000 Look at that silver one.

01:44:34.000 The one right above your cursor.

01:44:35.000 Yeah, look at that. 0.99

01:44:36.000 Fucking A. Actually, I looked at one. 0.99

01:44:39.000 I accidentally came upon that one.

01:44:41.000 God, that's beautiful.

01:44:42.000 I got another one that's a weird one.

01:44:43.000 Look up GMC. I always pick up the name of these things.

01:44:47.000 Parade of Progress.

01:44:49.000 That's what it's called?

01:44:51.000 They would drive these things like elephants into town.

01:44:54.000 They were like a living room, giant truck slash RV thing. 0.99

01:44:58.000 What the fuck are these things called? 0.97

01:45:02.000 That thing? 1.00

01:45:03.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

01:45:05.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:45:06.000 How do you even know about this? 1.00

01:45:08.000 So the great thing is you open the door and there's like a spiral staircase where you go up.

01:45:13.000 And in there, what they usually had was back in the day because they would open it up on the side.

01:45:17.000 They would drive them in like elephants and make like a semicircle and people would walk in.

01:45:22.000 What is that?

01:45:23.000 I don't know what they have in there.

01:45:25.000 Yeah, that's an airplane engine or something.

01:45:27.000 Why is there an airplane engine in the middle of that?

01:45:29.000 I don't know, because somebody...

01:45:31.000 Oh, they customized it.

01:45:32.000 Power for the air age.

01:45:33.000 I think it was this weird sort of after World War II. See, there they are in the black and white.

01:45:38.000 There they are driving them into town.

01:45:42.000 And look at the steering wheel.

01:45:43.000 You were right in the center and there was like a little spiral staircase that you walked up.

01:45:47.000 Because those things go for like, I forget how much, like two, three million bucks or something.

01:45:52.000 Oh, that's 1936. It says Parade of Progress.

01:45:54.000 So it shows you what I know. 1.00

01:45:55.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00

01:45:57.000 Yeah, that's just weird. 1.00

01:45:58.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:45:59.000 That's what you want. 1.00

01:46:01.000 One of those?

01:46:01.000 A rolling podcast studio.

01:46:04.000 No, that shit is too weird, but I appreciate it. 0.98

01:46:08.000 Like, you know that old BMW where the whole front of the car opens up and the steering wheel disconnects and goes out with the front of the car? 0.99

01:46:17.000 I haven't seen that one.

01:46:18.000 It would help if I knew the names of the cars.

01:46:22.000 The steering wheel disconnects?

01:46:24.000 Mm-hmm.

01:46:26.000 I know Steve Urkel had it and Family Matters.

01:46:26.000 BMW has said it.

01:46:28.000 That's all I know about it.

01:46:29.000 That's it?

01:46:30.000 Yeah.

01:46:31.000 Look at this!

01:46:32.000 So how you get in is you like open the front...

01:46:36.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:36.000 Click on the red one.

01:46:37.000 Yeah.

01:46:37.000 There it is.

01:46:38.000 Whoa.

01:46:38.000 See, and there's the steering wheel.

01:46:40.000 Oh, does it disconnect?

01:46:41.000 There's something weird.

01:46:41.000 No, it seems like the steering wheel stays put, but it looks like it disconnects.

01:46:45.000 Well, maybe it adjusts and comes back.

01:46:45.000 That's crazy.

01:46:48.000 You enter through the front.

01:46:49.000 So if you get in a front-end collision, you've got to kick the windows out to get out of the car.

01:46:53.000 Yeah, and it's three wheels, too.

01:46:55.000 There's one wheel.

01:46:56.000 Look at Urkel.

01:46:58.000 I forgot about Urkel.

01:46:58.000 Urkel.

01:47:00.000 Well, his came off in the car.

01:47:02.000 I met him one time. 0.99

01:47:02.000 He's like the coolest fucking guy ever. 0.99

01:47:04.000 I heard he's really nice. 0.99

01:47:05.000 I guess it bends over there.

01:47:06.000 Do you see how it's turned down to the side?

01:47:09.000 Oh, it bends, and then you step over it.

01:47:12.000 Whoa.

01:47:13.000 Yeah, I knew there was something.

01:47:15.000 Wow.

01:47:16.000 There was something about the steering wheel. 1.00

01:47:17.000 Yeah, there's a lot of weird shit out there. 0.98

01:47:19.000 But you like weird stuff. 0.95

01:47:20.000 You're not necessarily, like, you have an aversion to cool things.

01:47:25.000 No, it's like if you get into music, if you really get into a band, like if you're into ACDC, can you really listen to You Shook Me All Night Long again?

01:47:34.000 You're like, no dude, you gotta listen to What's Next to the Moon.

01:47:37.000 Get It Hot.

01:47:38.000 Or like COD. After a while, you're just like, alright.

01:47:44.000 I would say Shook Me All Night Long is the Mustang GT of ACDC songs.

01:47:49.000 And it's just like, if you're out here, there's a zillion Mustangs.

01:47:52.000 But it's like, after a while, you want to see...

01:47:54.000 It's part of human beings.

01:47:56.000 You want something a little bit different.

01:47:58.000 It's a little different.

01:47:59.000 I kind of learned from Fast and Loud that the...

01:47:59.000 It's cooler.

01:48:03.000 Was it the Ford Falcon or something? 0.99

01:48:04.000 It had the same chassis as the fucking Mustang. 0.99

01:48:07.000 But it's just a way cooler car because everybody goes for the Mustang. 1.00

01:48:13.000 You want to spend all that money and then some other fucking asshole shows up and he has one too? 1.00

01:48:18.000 That doesn't bother me. 1.00

01:48:21.000 Bugs me. 0.99

01:48:22.000 It's like when you're in a comedy club, and even if somebody just touches on the topic, you're like, ah, fuck, I can't talk about that. 0.99

01:48:28.000 Yes, I get that. 0.99

01:48:29.000 Because then it becomes like, oh, they all do that.

01:48:31.000 I get that, but there's a reason why everybody loves Mustangs.

01:48:34.000 I love them too.

01:48:35.000 But I have this weird thing where I love the interior up to 66, but I like the back end on 60...

01:48:41.000 67, 68? 0.99

01:48:43.000 Yeah, I like that back end, but that's when they got the shit steering wheel. 1.00

01:48:46.000 Like the steering wheel in the 60s looks like an old school steering wheel. 0.96

01:48:51.000 And that one that they have in 67 or 68 was when they first came out with that one.

01:48:55.000 That one starts to look like, oh, cars are going to get ugly now, quickly.

01:48:58.000 Yeah.

01:48:59.000 The last muscle car that I like, that I vividly remember like the last year would probably be the 70 Camaro with like that shark nose front tooth.

01:49:07.000 I like that.

01:49:09.000 And then there's a few, there's a Buick Riviera, the Boattail from the early 70s that I like.

01:49:15.000 I'm really into those big two-door sedan sort of like...

01:49:20.000 You know, he's his own man.

01:49:22.000 I love those cars. 0.99

01:49:25.000 I fucking love those cars. 0.99

01:49:28.000 I'm trying to think. 0.99

01:49:29.000 There's a few cars in the 80s.

01:49:31.000 It really tapers off, though.

01:49:32.000 But I like Ford trucks right up into 86. I didn't like when they did that first design of the aerodynamic headlights.

01:49:39.000 I didn't like.

01:49:40.000 But then there was one in the early 90s.

01:49:42.000 The one OJ had.

01:49:43.000 That front end on his Bronco. 1.00

01:49:45.000 That one is the shit. 1.00

01:49:46.000 Yeah, I saw one yesterday. 1.00

01:49:47.000 Exactly like OJ's. 0.99

01:49:50.000 Totally restored.

01:49:52.000 I like muscle cars up into 71. 71 seems like the last year.

01:49:57.000 71 Barracuda is still a really nice car.

01:49:59.000 Then it gets into 72, they start looking sketchy.

01:50:01.000 73, they look sketchy.

01:50:04.000 The worst thing was they kept the model name and then it was just completely de-balled.

01:50:09.000 Yes. 0.99

01:50:10.000 Like when your friend starts going out with just some total cunt and all of a sudden he can't hang out anymore. 1.00

01:50:15.000 Like there was that era. 0.99

01:50:17.000 You know, the Mustang II Cobras.

01:50:19.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97

01:50:20.000 Once they got into the 80s with Mustangs, they were useless. 0.88

01:50:24.000 Late 70s, early 80s.

01:50:26.000 Once the gas crisis hit, they started making economical Mustangs, Mustangs that didn't eat so much gas. 0.96

01:50:32.000 They were useless. 0.53

01:50:33.000 It's a hard fall. 1.00

01:50:36.000 If you go from 67 to 77, it's like, what the fuck happened to you? 0.96

01:50:41.000 And also, the Mustang got all fat, like the Mach 1 and everything. 0.96

01:50:44.000 It was like...

01:50:46.000 Kind of got into its Elvis years.

01:50:47.000 You know, hey, I'm the Mustang.

01:50:48.000 I'm resting on my laurels here.

01:50:51.000 Well, there's no pizzazz to them.

01:50:52.000 You know, like late 70s, 79 Mustang.

01:50:55.000 There's no pizzazz.

01:50:56.000 This is how bad it went.

01:50:57.000 It became so quickly.

01:50:58.000 If you watch like the...

01:50:59.000 Remember when they had a game show network?

01:51:00.000 I used to love that because I was fascinated with prices.

01:51:04.000 You know?

01:51:05.000 And like, they would be like...

01:51:07.000 They actually tried to pass off a Chevy Vega as a sports car.

01:51:12.000 Really?

01:51:12.000 And these people were losing their minds.

01:51:14.000 And I remember the Chevy Vega... 0.80

01:51:16.000 A lot of guys who knew shit about cars back in the day, they would try to jam Corvette engines into them because they couldn't afford a Corvette, but they knew about how to build cars and stuff.

01:51:28.000 Vegas were real light, too.

01:51:29.000 Yeah, there was always somebody who had one of those, like an El Camino up on blocks.

01:51:33.000 Yeah.

01:51:33.000 I'm going to finish that someday, man.

01:51:35.000 Yeah, and the El Camino is a rare breed of person that wants a pickup truck that's fucked a Chevelle. 0.92

01:51:41.000 That's really what it is. 0.96

01:51:42.000 It's like a Chevelle front end.

01:51:44.000 It looks good in the front, and then you get to the back, like, oh.

01:51:47.000 And then the early, the 80s.

01:51:49.000 Look at that.

01:51:49.000 Look at that Vega.

01:51:50.000 Yeah, that was considered sporty. 0.97

01:51:51.000 That was back before girls had butts. 1.00

01:51:53.000 That's impressive. 0.89

01:51:55.000 Well, girls with butts didn't get put on TV. Isn't that funny? 1.00

01:51:58.000 That's another amazing thing.

01:51:58.000 Yeah.

01:52:00.000 What happened when we realized?

01:52:02.000 Was it Sir Mix-a-Lot?

01:52:04.000 What woke us up? 0.99

01:52:05.000 He made the ass mainstream. 1.00

01:52:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:07.000 I'm going to give him credit.

01:52:08.000 Might have been.

01:52:09.000 Before that, who else was it? 0.99

01:52:13.000 It was all about tits. 1.00

01:52:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:15.000 White guys were running shit, and it was about tits. 1.00

01:52:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:20.000 I don't know why. 0.98

01:52:21.000 It was all about titties. 0.90

01:52:23.000 Something happened. 0.99

01:52:24.000 Something happened and it became, asses became really important. 0.99

01:52:29.000 But then I think like, yeah, because now the fake ass, I think is probably more prevalent than the fake titty. 0.99

01:52:36.000 Like remember by the 90s was like sort of the apex of the fake titty. 0.99

01:52:40.000 You'd watch porn and the tit almost looked like bloodshot. 0.96

01:52:43.000 There'd be like veins on the side, like they'd stretch the skin. 0.91

01:52:45.000 You see, oh yeah.

01:52:46.000 That was really bad.

01:52:47.000 That was a really bad. 0.93

01:52:48.000 You have fat bottom girls before that. 1.00

01:52:51.000 Yeah.

01:52:52.000 But that was just a song.

01:52:54.000 Yeah, they didn't...

01:52:54.000 I don't think...

01:52:55.000 He was still Freddie Mercury printing around in the video, I think.

01:52:58.000 Yeah.

01:52:58.000 Good song, though.

01:53:00.000 Yeah, what was it?

01:53:03.000 Like, who was like... 0.99

01:53:04.000 It wasn't Jennifer Lopez who wasn't known for the first big ass. 1.00

01:53:07.000 Because I was always an ass man. 0.99

01:53:10.000 I always just felt like that was the nucleus of a woman. 1.00

01:53:10.000 Always. 1.00

01:53:13.000 If she had a nice ass, the rest of her body was going to be nice. 1.00

01:53:15.000 I didn't give a shit a guy. 1.00

01:53:16.000 Eat cupcakes, eat great. 1.00

01:53:17.000 They won't be hanging on your fucking knees when I'm 50. Bald, smoking a cigar, doing a podcast. 1.00

01:53:24.000 It's weird, though, that the shape caught on.

01:53:28.000 It's very strange, like what guys are attracted to changed. 0.98

01:53:33.000 Well, I think because white people were so dominant with fucking owning everything that their idea of beauty became the standard. 0.98

01:53:44.000 Right, but white guys' idea of beauty changed too. 0.99

01:53:47.000 That's what's strange.

01:53:49.000 I would say it's somewhere Yo MTV raps.

01:53:52.000 Somewhere around there. 1.00

01:53:55.000 Just making up shit. 1.00

01:53:56.000 Somewhere around there. 0.99

01:53:57.000 I'm going to give Ed Lover and the other Dr. Dre credit.

01:54:01.000 I think it happened around the same time girls lost their pubes. 0.99

01:54:07.000 Because when we were in high school, everyone had pubes.

01:54:10.000 Even in college, everyone had pubes.

01:54:12.000 The apex of pubes was the 70s.

01:54:15.000 Yeah, but in the 80s they had it too.

01:54:16.000 But you were proud of your pubes.

01:54:18.000 In the 70s?

01:54:19.000 In the 70s.

01:54:20.000 Yeah.

01:54:21.000 Dude, I remember like you'd go to the fucking public pool and the chicks had like the... 1.00

01:54:25.000 There was like shit coming out the sides. 1.00

01:54:28.000 I remember thinking while I was a little kid, like, oh my god, I can see her pubes. 1.00

01:54:37.000 Yeah, pubes were hot. 1.00

01:54:39.000 Now pubes are disgusting. 1.00

01:54:40.000 There was muffs. 0.99

01:54:41.000 Yeah, if you're a girl and you got a full bush now, you're a dangerous woman. 1.00

01:54:45.000 But then I would say...

01:54:47.000 That that was probably Dr. J and the ABA crossing over.

01:54:53.000 Made women prouder than muffs. 1.00

01:54:55.000 What?

01:54:58.000 There's no research.

01:54:59.000 We just started talking.

01:55:00.000 Just making this up.

01:55:03.000 There is a clear shift that happened.

01:55:06.000 It's just like, what happened?

01:55:07.000 What made that clear shift?

01:55:08.000 Porn caused the people to get rid of the pubes. 1.00

01:55:11.000 That's definitely what happened. 0.76

01:55:12.000 Because porn led the way.

01:55:14.000 They trimmed the pubes first, and then everybody trimmed the pubes. 1.00

01:55:17.000 Then it went too far.

01:55:17.000 And now it's universal.

01:55:18.000 Yeah, now no one has pubes. 0.99

01:55:20.000 No, then it went too far, yeah.

01:55:21.000 Too far.

01:55:22.000 You're like a little bush.

01:55:23.000 Yeah, I would like, yeah. 0.68

01:55:24.000 You should look like a woman. 1.00

01:55:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:28.000 Not like a cancer patient.

01:55:29.000 Yeah.

01:55:30.000 Yeah.

01:55:31.000 So...

01:55:33.000 Listen, if you're banging me, I'm just happy.

01:55:36.000 Happy you showed up.

01:55:37.000 God bless you.

01:55:38.000 Take it on for the team.

01:55:38.000 Yeah, you can find beauty in everything.

01:55:40.000 But when I was a kid, I mean, everyone had pubes.

01:55:44.000 It was a thing. 0.70

01:55:46.000 That's a weird moment in our culture, that we all just decided pubes are disgusting.

01:55:53.000 I think more that they need to be maintained.

01:55:56.000 Yes.

01:55:56.000 If there's going to be a camera an eighth of an inch from it.

01:55:59.000 And then...

01:56:05.000 Gynecological. 0.97

01:56:05.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:56:07.000 So...

01:56:07.000 So what's this movie you did?

01:56:10.000 I did this movie.

01:56:11.000 It's called The King of Staten Island.

01:56:13.000 Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson.

01:56:15.000 Look at your mustache!

01:56:16.000 Hell yeah. 0.59

01:56:17.000 Oh, you need one of those in your life.

01:56:19.000 Why don't you grow one of those?

01:56:21.000 Keep it.

01:56:23.000 It was really annoying to eat with.

01:56:25.000 Because Club Soda Kenny told me...

01:56:26.000 Because he was the guy I was saying, am I doing this right here?

01:56:29.000 Because there's a whole way to grow it where it's like...

01:56:31.000 He goes, all right.

01:56:32.000 He goes, if you're going to do the cop fireman one, he goes, the hair has to go over your top lip.

01:56:38.000 And Kenny had all these great old IDs from when he was a cop.

01:56:43.000 And...

01:56:44.000 What is this movie about?

01:56:47.000 It's sort of autobiographical...

01:56:53.000 Of Pete Davidson's life where he's playing a kid whose dad is a firefighter who died in a fire.

01:56:58.000 It's not 9-11 like Pete's real dad.

01:57:02.000 And it's basically his mom hasn't dated.

01:57:05.000 They just sort of froze.

01:57:07.000 Which I think was something that kind of happened in his family.

01:57:12.000 And then all of a sudden his mother started dating and it was weird for him.

01:57:15.000 So basically... 0.88

01:57:18.000 His mother, you know, through whatever circumstances I want to ruin it, I end up meeting her after me and Pete, you know, his character, I don't like his, and I'm coming to his house to fucking yell or whatever, and then I see... 0.93

01:57:30.000 His mom, played by Marissa Tomei, and then all of a sudden, you know, we click or whatever, we start dating or whatever, and then he fucking hates it and the comedy ensues.

01:57:40.000 But it's, you know, it's got a lot of heart, you know, it's not 100% comedy.

01:57:45.000 But, yeah, Marissa Tomei, Dom Lombardozzi, Steve Buscemi.

01:57:52.000 No, it's streaming everywhere except Netflix.

01:57:54.000 It's like that kid movie, Trolls.

01:57:57.000 Whatever they did is what Universal is doing with this one, where it's going to be anywhere where you can stream movies and stuff.

01:58:02.000 So it was supposed to be in the movie theater.

01:58:03.000 It was going to be in the movie theater, and then all of this stuff happened.

01:58:06.000 So then people who make movies are deciding, are we going to hold on to some of this stuff, which they're doing with some movies.

01:58:12.000 This thing, fortunately, they're going to put out.

01:58:14.000 There it is.

01:58:14.000 Apple TV, Verizon, YouTube, Google Play, Amazon Prime.

01:58:20.000 Basically, why wouldn't Netflix hop on board with this?

01:58:23.000 Come on, Netflix.

01:58:24.000 I don't think it's a come on Netflix thing.

01:58:27.000 I think eventually it'll probably end up there.

01:58:28.000 But I think first they do this.

01:58:30.000 This is the way they're going to get their box office, I guess.

01:58:33.000 You get it on Microsoft.

01:58:34.000 How many people are buying movies on Microsoft?

01:58:36.000 You'd be surprised.

01:58:37.000 I would be.

01:58:38.000 That's why I'm asking.

01:58:39.000 There would be, I would think...

01:58:41.000 That's such an easy answer.

01:58:45.000 You'd be surprised.

01:58:46.000 That was like a political answer.

01:58:48.000 I had no answer for you.

01:58:50.000 Let the record show...

01:58:52.000 Many people are buying it on Microsoft.

01:58:55.000 Yeah.

01:58:56.000 Do you think this is a good thing that movies are being forced to stream?

01:59:00.000 I kind of like it.

01:59:01.000 I mean, I don't want movie theaters to go under, but I do like the option of being able to watch a newly released movie at home.

01:59:09.000 Yeah, I think everything's going to adapt, but I don't think the movie theater is ever going to go away because I still enjoy going to the movies.

01:59:15.000 It's a way to get out of the house.

01:59:17.000 You get a sitter.

01:59:18.000 You reconnect with your wife.

01:59:20.000 That's right.

01:59:20.000 We're friends.

01:59:21.000 Popcorn.

01:59:21.000 This is fun.

01:59:22.000 All of a sudden, your jokes come back.

01:59:24.000 Right.

01:59:24.000 You're having fun.

01:59:26.000 Anytime I hang with my wife, if we get a couple days away, the magic, instant.

01:59:32.000 Instant comes back, and then when we get back to the house, it's like the grind again, and we just start laughing.

01:59:38.000 We're like, we gotta remember those two days. 0.88

01:59:40.000 So the key is to have those two-day little things enough that you don't forget it so you don't start fucking growing apart.

01:59:46.000 Do you guys do date nights?

01:59:48.000 Yeah.

01:59:48.000 I do date nights with my wife and we were doing them when I was at the store all the time when comedy was up.

01:59:54.000 I was doing them on Saturday night because she didn't have to get up early in the morning for the kids, take the kids to school so she could be rested and refreshed.

02:00:01.000 Didn't have to go to school the next day, so didn't have to get up on Sunday.

02:00:05.000 So it was a good day.

02:00:07.000 So I just would take Sunday off of stand-up and we do date nights.

02:00:11.000 And this is the thing. 0.97

02:00:12.000 As much as women seem impossible to guys, especially someone like me with all of my fucking issues, it's like just something like that does wonders for your connection. 1.00

02:00:24.000 And then we also had like once a week we were doing like before we got pregnant again, we were doing a family dinner and that was the best. 0.97

02:00:34.000 And what we were going to was a bunch of like just mom and pop places in like the valley and Out in Pasadena and stuff like that are these places that are just legendary in that area but they don't have a chain.

02:00:47.000 So it's cool because you feel like you're giving regular people money and business and we would go there.

02:00:53.000 That was a big thing when I was growing up. 0.98

02:00:55.000 Before you had all these screens and all of this shit, going out to dinner with your family. 0.98

02:01:00.000 I remember being excited. 0.99

02:01:01.000 They used to have this chain in Massachusetts.

02:01:03.000 Remember Pewter Pot?

02:01:04.000 Yeah.

02:01:05.000 They basically, they made muffins.

02:01:07.000 Somehow they were a chain that made muffins, and then they expanded into having full dinners.

02:01:12.000 And everything was made out of wood.

02:01:13.000 It was very, like, 70s.

02:01:15.000 And that was, like, a big thing.

02:01:17.000 My dad came up, we're going to Pewter Pot tonight!

02:01:19.000 And you were, like, psyched!

02:01:21.000 And I would always get whatever, like cheeseburger and fries, and then a blueberry muffin.

02:01:25.000 Such a weird order.

02:01:27.000 But I was a kid, and you wouldn't get fat. 0.98

02:01:28.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.88

02:01:29.000 So I want my kids to have a little bit of that, that sort of, I don't know, I'm probably romancing it. 0.99

02:01:37.000 But I think it's, because it was from my childhood, but I think it's an important thing to do shit like that. 0.90

02:01:41.000 Yeah, I'm a big fan of mom-and-pop restaurants. 0.96

02:01:43.000 There's a place we used to go to in Woodland Hills called Brandywine.

02:01:47.000 And the owner, Peggy and Chris, the owners, the female owner was the chef, and the male owner was the maitre d'.

02:01:56.000 And they were a married couple.

02:01:57.000 They'd been together forever.

02:01:58.000 And when we met them, they were probably...

02:02:03.000 I want to say in their 70s, like pretty deep in their 70s.

02:02:07.000 They were already fairly along.

02:02:10.000 Pretty far down the road there.

02:02:11.000 And then they eventually sold the place.

02:02:13.000 They sold the place.

02:02:14.000 It was sad.

02:02:15.000 And then some new people bought it, but I think it went under now.

02:02:18.000 But it was a great little place, a small place.

02:02:21.000 It didn't seat very many people.

02:02:22.000 Do you know how I get over that sadness? 0.99

02:02:23.000 I get old, because that shit really used to depress me. 0.98

02:02:26.000 What I look at was like, you know, when they opened this restaurant and they were young, there was old people that were upset about whatever they cleared out. 0.99

02:02:33.000 And it just happens, you know what I mean?

02:02:35.000 Well, I was just upset that I couldn't see them.

02:02:38.000 You know, I just enjoyed their company.

02:02:40.000 It was always, you know, we had been going there for 10 years.

02:02:43.000 It was one of those places.

02:02:43.000 Well, what I do is I take the humanity out of it, Joe.

02:02:46.000 Yeah.

02:02:48.000 A cycle of life.

02:02:49.000 It's just like the praying mantis and the lizard.

02:02:51.000 I know, dude. 1.00

02:02:52.000 I tell you, this fucking... 1.00

02:02:53.000 This whole quarantine thing really... 1.00

02:02:59.000 I never realized what a fucking idiot I am. 1.00

02:03:02.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:03:03.000 Yeah, you're telling me this.

02:03:04.000 Just everything I'm doing. 0.98

02:03:06.000 Why the fuck did I just do this? 0.99

02:03:07.000 Why did this need to fucking be on here? 1.00

02:03:09.000 You wanted to. 0.99

02:03:10.000 No big deal.

02:03:10.000 Why, Joe?

02:03:11.000 You're a clean freak or something.

02:03:12.000 Look at me. 0.99

02:03:13.000 I'm cutting up his ashes like it's coke.

02:03:18.000 That takes me back to Chelsea, going around the apex.

02:03:21.000 I have a cocaine memory from, I never did coke, but of this lady doing it. 1.00

02:03:26.000 I was coming home from Kelly's Roast Beef.

02:03:28.000 Joe Rogan on coke.

02:03:29.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:03:29.000 Wow.

02:03:31.000 I'm smart enough to realize it's not for me.

02:03:33.000 Yeah.

02:03:33.000 What about me?

02:03:36.000 I can snap on weed.

02:03:40.000 I don't need to be doing coke.

02:03:42.000 We eat an espresso and you're ready to fight.

02:03:44.000 We're driving back from Kelly's Roast Beef.

02:03:47.000 Do you remember Kelly's Roast Beef in Revere?

02:03:48.000 Yeah.

02:03:49.000 Great.

02:03:49.000 You know what's so funny?

02:03:50.000 I don't think I ever went there.

02:03:51.000 I drove by it a million times.

02:03:51.000 Really?

02:03:53.000 I was going by Cappy's Liquors on the way up to the Kowloon.

02:03:56.000 Kelly's Roast Beef was great.

02:03:57.000 Remember Cappy's Liquors?

02:03:58.000 Yeah.

02:03:58.000 I do.

02:03:59.000 Yeah.

02:03:59.000 Near Kowloon.

02:04:00.000 Yeah.

02:04:00.000 You drive up there.

02:04:01.000 Kelly's Roast Beef had clams too.

02:04:03.000 Didn't they have clams?

02:04:04.000 Those fried clams?

02:04:06.000 That was one of those places I meant to get to.

02:04:08.000 I always meant to get to that and then that steakhouse with the giant cactus.

02:04:12.000 Oh yeah, that's right!

02:04:13.000 That place! 1.00

02:04:14.000 What the fuck was that place called? 1.00

02:04:15.000 Hilltop Steakhouse. 1.00

02:04:16.000 Yes!

02:04:17.000 And I was going to eat there someday.

02:04:19.000 I just love the cows, the fake cows out front.

02:04:22.000 And we were living on the North Shore then, so we would drive my dad into work and we would always go down Route 1. And we would go buy that and I would think like you know and there was also a hockey rink up there that had a Bruins emblem that they were allowed to use before like all the corporate people really like you can't use our logo so their Bruins thing and I was convinced that's where the Bruins practiced.

02:04:43.000 I went to Hilltop Steakhouse once and it was for some reason I have it connected in my mind with a boxing match that was on TV because I was so bummed out.

02:04:54.000 Sugar Ray Leonard fought Terry Norris.

02:04:57.000 I know that name, I should say. 0.56

02:05:00.000 Terry Norris was a monster. 1.00

02:05:01.000 So was Sugar Ray when he was in his prime, but he got older and he fought Terry Norris, and Terry Norris was a fucking, just a demon. 0.99

02:05:09.000 He was so good, and Sugar Ray just had no business fighting him. 0.98

02:05:13.000 And I remember eating food, just being bummed out, just... 0.99

02:05:17.000 Just thinking, fuck, is this just what happens to all these guys? 0.97

02:05:20.000 Like, they all decide, they all decide, one more fight, one more fight, let me do it. 1.00

02:05:26.000 And he came back and beat a few, see if you can find that.

02:05:29.000 Couldn't you imagine if your body broke down in around 35, you couldn't do stand-up anymore?

02:05:33.000 You'd definitely try to go for one more set.

02:05:35.000 Yeah, but it's different.

02:05:36.000 It's different.

02:05:37.000 It is.

02:05:38.000 I thought it was the same.

02:05:39.000 It's different.

02:05:39.000 You're right.

02:05:40.000 Terry Norris was in his prime, and he was just so fast and elite, and Sugar Ray was just...

02:05:46.000 I want to say he was like 38 or something like that.

02:05:49.000 I don't know how old he was, but it was hard to watch.

02:05:53.000 From Madison Square Garden in New York City.

02:05:56.000 But that's not something, when I think of Sugar Ray Leonard, I don't think...

02:05:59.000 I mean, what about that division he was in?

02:06:00.000 Oh, my God.

02:06:02.000 Hagler, Hearns, Duran, and Leonard.

02:06:04.000 I mean...

02:06:05.000 Well, he fought Hagler long.

02:06:08.000 I mean, he came back and fought Hagler, and then Hagler retired after that one loss.

02:06:13.000 He's just like, I'm good.

02:06:15.000 But it was just watching Terry Norris faster and quicker.

02:06:17.000 Yeah, he went to Italy and started making movies.

02:06:19.000 Yeah, hilarious movies.

02:06:21.000 I got a buddy of mine that is convinced that fight was fixed by the Italian mob, and then his payoff was they gave him a movie career in Italy.

02:06:28.000 It might be true.

02:06:30.000 Your buddy might be right.

02:06:31.000 There's something about it that I've watched.

02:06:33.000 I'm like, man, it almost looks like Hager's taking something off of his punches.

02:06:36.000 I just don't see him doing that.

02:06:38.000 I don't see him ever doing that.

02:06:41.000 But I also didn't see him retiring like that. 0.94

02:06:43.000 I think he might have gotten fucked on a decision on that fight. 0.92

02:06:47.000 Because that fight, I really felt, could have... 0.97

02:06:49.000 I was such a Hearns...

02:06:51.000 I'm a Hagler fan.

02:06:52.000 And also, what about Tommy Hearns?

02:06:54.000 Being as tall as he was, but could make that weight.

02:06:58.000 When he fought Sugar Ray, I think he was only 22. And he was 147. Sugar Ray stopped him after Angelo Dundee gave him that speech in the corner.

02:07:08.000 You're blowing it, kid!

02:07:10.000 Remember that?

02:07:10.000 I'll never forget that.

02:07:12.000 You know what I remember?

02:07:13.000 One of the greatest ones I saw, Corner Guy, was that...

02:07:17.000 Corrales-Castillo fight.

02:07:20.000 And when he gets in the corner and he'd been knocked down for like, I don't know how many times, kept spitting out his mouthpiece and they took away a point or something.

02:07:27.000 He goes into his corner and I remember his manager or whatever you call the guy is in the corner. 0.98

02:07:34.000 He goes, you better fucking get inside now. 0.97

02:07:36.000 I don't even know what that means. 0.99

02:07:38.000 I forget he said that and then this fucking guy, Charlie Murphy, rest his soul, told me about that fight. 0.98

02:07:42.000 He's like, Bill, you got to see this fight. 0.99

02:07:44.000 He goes, I woke up my whole family. 0.77

02:07:47.000 It was a wild ass fight.

02:07:48.000 And he actually, Charlie, he was such a funny guy, man.

02:07:51.000 He hurt his foot.

02:07:52.000 That's how much he was into it.

02:07:54.000 Like when he came back after getting knocked down and then knocked out the other guy.

02:07:59.000 I always forget Corrales Castillo.

02:08:01.000 Corrales is the guy who won that fight, right?

02:08:04.000 Well, they fought more than once, I believe.

02:08:07.000 Um, Diego Corrales...

02:08:08.000 Yeah, he's the guy and he died on a motorcycle, I think, right?

02:08:11.000 Exactly, that's what I was gonna say, yeah.

02:08:12.000 Terrible.

02:08:13.000 I'll tell you, an underrated fight. 0.99

02:08:14.000 This was back when I had time, I used to watch this shit, was Evander Holyfield versus Michael Dokes. 0.97

02:08:21.000 Oh, yeah, I remember that. 0.95

02:08:21.000 Do you remember that fight? 0.95

02:08:22.000 That was a great one.

02:08:23.000 That was a great fight.

02:08:24.000 Holyfield had so many great fights.

02:08:26.000 He was a...

02:08:27.000 That guy was a warrior.

02:08:28.000 Is.

02:08:29.000 He's coming back.

02:08:29.000 Yeah.

02:08:31.000 Do you know that?

02:08:32.000 I want to see that.

02:08:33.000 He's training.

02:08:34.000 Mike Tyson's training.

02:08:36.000 They're both training.

02:08:37.000 In their 50s.

02:08:39.000 Yeah, here it is.

02:08:40.000 Michael Dokes.

02:08:43.000 Yeah, it was...

02:08:44.000 I mean, it's just amazing how much longevity Holyfield had.

02:08:48.000 And Holyfield started as a cruiserweight.

02:08:50.000 I remember when he beat Dwight Muhammad Kawi for the cruiserweight title and then gained all this weight to go up.

02:08:57.000 I remember when he was a cruiserweight in the 80s when I was lifting and I was young and all that shit.

02:09:01.000 I was like, that's the body I want. 0.74

02:09:03.000 That's what I'm going for.

02:09:04.000 Of course, I couldn't get it, but I was like, that's the shape I want to be in. 1.00

02:09:07.000 You know how stupid I look if I fucking look like that? 1.00

02:09:09.000 Oh, you look amazing. 1.00

02:09:11.000 Going on stage, telling jokes.

02:09:12.000 Just wear something that covers it up a little bit.

02:09:14.000 What, a poncho?

02:09:18.000 Going out with a big square body.

02:09:20.000 Outlawed Josie Wales. 1.00

02:09:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:21.000 Outlawed Josie Wales poncho. 1.00

02:09:23.000 Yeah, you flip it over and you got a Mikey to take it out.

02:09:25.000 Wah, wah, wah.

02:09:27.000 Yeah, oh my God.

02:09:28.000 This is round 10. Look at the people standing up.

02:09:31.000 I mean, this shit was just... 1.00

02:09:33.000 Oh, man. 1.00

02:09:34.000 Now watch Stokes.

02:09:35.000 Oh, right hand.

02:09:36.000 That's it.

02:09:36.000 They stop it.

02:09:37.000 That was it.

02:09:38.000 Richard Steele.

02:09:39.000 Richard Steele was the same guy that stopped Julio Cesar Chavez and Meldrick Taylor with like two seconds left to go in the final round.

02:09:46.000 When...

02:09:47.000 Meldrick Taylor was up on the fight, and Julio Cesar Chavez dropped him.

02:09:52.000 Meldrick Taylor got up, and Richard Steele was like, are you ready to go on? 0.99

02:09:57.000 Dude, he has more muscle in his trapezi, whatever the fuck that's called, than traps I have in my whole fucking body. 0.99

02:10:03.000 He was a specimen. 1.00

02:10:05.000 Holyfield was a specimen.

02:10:07.000 What's interesting about Holyfield too, he was like the first guy that ever really put weight on successfully.

02:10:13.000 Like he had this crazy strength and conditioning program that he did to go up to heavyweight where, you know, he was fairly thin when he was a cruiserweight and started lifting weights.

02:10:23.000 And lifting weights back then, most people thought lifting weights was terrible for you.

02:10:27.000 There was a big thing in basketball, don't lift weights, it's gonna fuck up your shot.

02:10:31.000 They thought you were gonna send the ball past the rim.

02:10:34.000 Well you know what it is, it's from being stiff and sore. 0.98

02:10:36.000 When you're stiff and sore, it does fuck you up. 0.54

02:10:39.000 It fucks you up with boxing, it fucks you up with everything, but it's a matter of doing it correctly so that your body recovers enough so that when you actually fight, you're not stiff and sore, but you have all that extra muscle. 0.90

02:10:49.000 So this is great by the way.

02:10:50.000 Cars, fights, cigars, praying mantises.

02:10:53.000 Men stuff! 0.61

02:10:54.000 Yes!

02:10:54.000 I love it, right?

02:10:56.000 Yeah.

02:10:58.000 Yeah, that era of boxing, man.

02:11:00.000 Those are the golden era when we were kids.

02:11:03.000 My God.

02:11:04.000 You know, ABC, Wide World of Sports.

02:11:06.000 Get up and watch the fights.

02:11:08.000 Yeah.

02:11:08.000 I remember watching the Leon Spinks, Muhammad Ali.

02:11:11.000 They showed it on TV. It must have been a replay.

02:11:14.000 I remember watching that and just kept thinking Muhammad Ali was going to come back.

02:11:18.000 It was the one that he lost against Leon Spinks.

02:11:22.000 I also remember the Mike Tyson...

02:11:27.000 Michael Spinks fight.

02:11:29.000 And I remember the pizza didn't even get there.

02:11:32.000 And I remember my buddy was all excited.

02:11:34.000 Dude, my dad ordered the fight! 0.95

02:11:36.000 And they had just finished their basement.

02:11:38.000 And we went downstairs and we were sitting there to watch it.

02:11:41.000 It was over in like 90 seconds. 0.99

02:11:43.000 And I just remember my buddy, he got off the couch and he was on all fours, like an inch from the TV, just screaming, what the fuck? 1.00

02:11:50.000 What the fuck? 0.99

02:11:51.000 Because we didn't understand. 1.00

02:11:53.000 There wasn't the education, mainstream education, of what a body blow did to you.

02:11:57.000 So unless somebody got hit in the head and their mouthpiece went flying, we didn't understand because that last shotty was a hook to the body.

02:12:04.000 And you didn't understand.

02:12:05.000 Like, literally their internal organs just slammed to the other side of their rib cage.

02:12:09.000 You didn't understand that that was happening.

02:12:10.000 Here it is.

02:12:11.000 Here's the whole fight.

02:12:13.000 Yeah, this was an amazing, amazing moment because Spinks was another guy who went up from light heavyweight, beat Larry Holmes, and then became the heavyweight champion that was fighting Tyson, but it just was too small.

02:12:23.000 Yeah, we were yelling this Spinks jinx because we just wanted to, we were rooting for Tyson, but we wanted to see a fight. 0.99

02:12:28.000 Spinks had a good right hand, but you could see he's paralyzed here.

02:12:33.000 I mean, he's fighting a guy that's just so much bigger than him, and he's getting smashed.

02:12:36.000 Mike Tyson was just such a force in nature at the time.

02:12:39.000 Spinks just really had no business fighting legitimate heavyweights. 1.00

02:12:43.000 He fought Larry Holmes when Larry was past his prime, and he beat Larry by decision.

02:12:50.000 Oh, I thought he beat him bad.

02:12:51.000 I thought like that was like, oh no, you know what I'm thinking of was the time Holmes fought Ali.

02:12:51.000 No.

02:12:56.000 And he was looking over at the ref like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:12:56.000 Yes, that was bad. 0.99

02:12:58.000 Are you going to stop this?

02:12:59.000 That was bad.

02:13:00.000 People to the end of Larry Holmes' career didn't appreciate him because of that.

02:13:00.000 That was bad.

02:13:05.000 They loved Ali so much.

02:13:06.000 So you heard him with this right hand here, and then he's swarming on him.

02:13:11.000 I remember seeing this video of Muhammad Ali promoting.

02:13:15.000 Here it is right here.

02:13:16.000 Boom. 0.90

02:13:17.000 Body shot.

02:13:18.000 He goes down.

02:13:21.000 Spinks gets up. 0.98

02:13:22.000 Referee gives him an eight count.

02:13:24.000 He says, I'm fine.

02:13:26.000 Oh, I thought he went down on that one.

02:13:27.000 No, that was a body shot.

02:13:28.000 And then he gets hit with a right hand right here.

02:13:30.000 Tyson steps.

02:13:31.000 Bing! 0.98

02:13:32.000 There it is.

02:13:32.000 Oh, that was...

02:13:33.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:13:34.000 See, I forgot about that.

02:13:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:38.000 He's just like, fuck this, man. 1.00

02:13:40.000 Fuck this. 1.00

02:13:41.000 His body's like, fuck this. 1.00

02:13:42.000 Dude, do you realize the fucking balls it takes to fucking walk? 1.00

02:13:46.000 Oh, you do. 1.00

02:13:46.000 You did it. 1.00

02:13:47.000 Jesus Christ.

02:13:49.000 I mean, those guys, you walk into an arena shirtless.

02:13:51.000 It's scary. 0.99

02:13:52.000 That's fucking amazing. 0.98

02:13:54.000 What's really scary is, it's like you think about it for weeks and weeks up to it, and obviously I never did it at this level, but at that level, when the whole world is watching, and you know that this is just an enormous moment, and you just got waylaid by one of the greatest heavyweights of all time and flattened. 0.98

02:14:12.000 That was a crazy knockout. 1.00

02:14:13.000 You know what I was watching about?

02:14:16.000 He was so fun to watch because he annoyed so many people because he was so cocky.

02:14:20.000 And he had such a weird style as that Prince...

02:14:23.000 Oh my God, is that guy fun to watch.

02:14:26.000 You know Tyson had syphilis or something like that in that fight.

02:14:26.000 Oh, he was amazing.

02:14:29.000 No, that was Buster Douglas.

02:14:31.000 Did he?

02:14:32.000 Yeah, he had the clap or something.

02:14:34.000 I think it was this fight.

02:14:35.000 I think it was the fight he won.

02:14:36.000 Yeah.

02:14:37.000 When he fought Buster Douglas, he just didn't train very hard for it.

02:14:41.000 Just really was just dominating everybody and just took it for granted.

02:14:46.000 He still almost won.

02:14:48.000 Still dropped Buster.

02:14:49.000 And to this day, if you watch that fight when Buster's down, it's more than 10 seconds.

02:14:54.000 Yeah, but the thing was he didn't go to the corner fast enough, I thought.

02:14:57.000 And he picked up the count.

02:14:59.000 I thought he would have got up.

02:15:00.000 I don't know.

02:15:01.000 I remember where I was when I watched that. 1.00

02:15:03.000 I remember all of that shit. 0.99

02:15:04.000 I was at my buddy Mitch's house. 1.00

02:15:05.000 We were upstairs on his fucking square TV. And I was like... 0.99

02:15:11.000 You know, because you cheer for the underdog.

02:15:12.000 And he was all bummed out.

02:15:14.000 Going, I want to see Mike lose.

02:15:15.000 And I was just like...

02:15:16.000 I didn't realize what...

02:15:18.000 I had lost as a sports fan because you're losing greatness.

02:15:23.000 Not that he's not great, but you know what I mean?

02:15:24.000 You wanted to see that undefeated, keep going thing.

02:15:27.000 And then afterwards, you know, it's a weird thing.

02:15:29.000 But the Buster Douglas in that fight, do you know the whole story behind it?

02:15:33.000 His mom died.

02:15:33.000 Yeah.

02:15:34.000 And he was devastated.

02:15:35.000 And so he was always a really, really talented guy that just didn't work hard enough. 1.00

02:15:39.000 But that fight, he trained like a motherfucker. 0.99

02:15:41.000 He trained like a real champion. 1.00

02:15:43.000 Probably because he came out.

02:15:44.000 Yeah, didn't want to face, didn't want to think about it, so he probably just focused on...

02:15:47.000 Well, was that maybe also he was like doing it, he was dedicating it to his mom.

02:15:51.000 But he threw some beautiful punches.

02:15:52.000 Once again, the human element that I just removed.

02:15:55.000 I just...

02:15:58.000 I'm a robot.

02:15:59.000 I am.

02:16:01.000 I am.

02:16:02.000 Is this what you're finding out from the pandemic, being locked up and having too much alone time?

02:16:08.000 I understand my anger now.

02:16:10.000 I don't know how to fix it, but I understand it.

02:16:12.000 What is it?

02:16:13.000 What is your anger?

02:16:15.000 It's feeling like I'm not going to be heard.

02:16:17.000 And things are going to go in a way I don't want them to be.

02:16:20.000 So the second is, there's a suggestion different than mine.

02:16:24.000 I catastrophize in my head.

02:16:26.000 And I don't just go be like, well, you know what?

02:16:28.000 Actually, I can't do that because I'm doing Joe's podcast.

02:16:30.000 Maybe I could do that tomorrow.

02:16:31.000 I just hear the information and feel like I have no power. 0.99

02:16:35.000 And then I go, oh, what the fuck? 0.99

02:16:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:37.000 Then my wife's like, I just asked a question. 1.00

02:16:39.000 And then I am so fucking up here, I have to like, it only takes me like two minutes. 0.69

02:16:45.000 And then I come in, I put my head to the side of her head, and I just go, I'm sorry. 1.00

02:16:51.000 I don't want to tell you, you married a fuck-up. 1.00

02:16:55.000 You blew it. 1.00

02:16:56.000 You're not good at reading people.

02:16:59.000 You have no one to blame but yourself. 1.00

02:17:01.000 I apologize like an asshole. 1.00

02:17:05.000 There's another thing, too. 1.00

02:17:07.000 I also, in this, have never loved my wife more. 1.00

02:17:10.000 You know, gave me a son, and it's just like, it's one of those things where, you know, you really sit there going, like, I am way, way more of a fucking asshole than I thought I was. 0.99

02:17:24.000 I knew I was, but I didn't think I was that bad. 0.99

02:17:27.000 So, you realize you've got issues, but you don't know how to solve them.

02:17:31.000 That's what it is?

02:17:32.000 I realized that I had issues that I thought I was past. 0.79

02:17:36.000 That's what fucked me up.

02:17:38.000 But you feel like, all right, so I've taken care of that. 0.95

02:17:41.000 Now I can focus on this.

02:17:43.000 And it's like, no, no, this is still in this pile.

02:17:45.000 You thought it was six feet high.

02:17:47.000 It's 12 feet high.

02:17:48.000 And it was demoralizing.

02:17:53.000 Don't you think no one is part of the way to fix it, though?

02:17:57.000 Yeah, but then you have to go through the torture of it.

02:18:00.000 Because it's not like the Dr. Phil episode. 1.00

02:18:04.000 You need to understand you fucking yellow people, whatever the fuck. 1.00

02:18:09.000 And you go, okay, thanks, Phil. 1.00

02:18:10.000 And you're just going to go do that. 1.00

02:18:13.000 It's like then you have to do the fucking work. 0.99

02:18:16.000 And it's so easy to just go back into your... 0.99

02:18:19.000 It's a deep groove worn into your personality and you're trying to get out of the rut.

02:18:24.000 And it's just easy to go back into it.

02:18:26.000 And just be on autopilot. 0.96

02:18:29.000 Asshole autopilot. 0.64

02:18:31.000 That's why people like psychedelics.

02:18:32.000 Because it separates you so much from who you are, you get a chance to look at yourself.

02:18:36.000 It's one of the things that comes out of it.

02:18:38.000 I should have done that when I was younger.

02:18:40.000 Can't do it now?

02:18:41.000 Like right now?

02:18:43.000 On this podcast?

02:18:44.000 I don't think that would be very professional.

02:18:46.000 I'm supposed to be promoting one of these feature films.

02:18:48.000 We've already done it.

02:18:49.000 We've promoted it.

02:18:50.000 It looks great.

02:18:50.000 I'm excited.

02:18:51.000 I'm excited to see you with a mustache.

02:18:54.000 Oh, so you're saying I'm done and then I can now do this?

02:18:57.000 You can do a little drugs.

02:19:00.000 Just a little mushrooms.

02:19:01.000 Listen, Joe, I know you're an influencer, but you ain't gonna win on this one.

02:19:01.000 Be good for you.

02:19:04.000 Influencer?

02:19:08.000 Influencer.

02:19:08.000 That's a dirty word to me.

02:19:10.000 I will be... 0.99

02:19:11.000 Kids get out of the house and they're fucking great people. 0.98

02:19:16.000 Hopefully, if I did the job, then... 0.99

02:19:17.000 Then?

02:19:18.000 So when they're 18?

02:19:19.000 Okay, we'll go.

02:19:20.000 When they're 18, I'm gonna take you somewhere.

02:19:22.000 Alright, when I'm 70 and you're 71. Yeah, we'll get blasted together on mushrooms.

02:19:26.000 Yeah, I'll finally get that Cadillac.

02:19:27.000 We'll go to the Pacific Northwest, which will be burnt to the ground once the looters take over those six blocks.

02:19:33.000 They're eventually going to expand to 12. There'll be no more Seattle.

02:19:37.000 The trees will regrow.

02:19:38.000 I love Seattle.

02:19:38.000 Don't say that.

02:19:39.000 You ever play the Moore Theater?

02:19:40.000 Love it there.

02:19:41.000 It's great.

02:19:41.000 I love Seattle.

02:19:42.000 I love Seattle.

02:19:43.000 I'm a big fan.

02:19:44.000 I used to love that Bellevue place.

02:19:46.000 The pool hall.

02:19:48.000 It was a pool hall connected to a comedy club.

02:19:51.000 Remember that?

02:19:52.000 Did you ever do that place?

02:19:53.000 I didn't know I did that one.

02:19:54.000 Went under.

02:19:55.000 Went under real recently. 0.99

02:19:56.000 It was fucking great. 0.97

02:19:57.000 I'm trying to remember the name of the place. 0.99

02:19:59.000 But it was in Bellevue.

02:20:01.000 And I first went there with Callan.

02:20:03.000 Callan was the one who told me about it.

02:20:05.000 I was like, this is my dream.

02:20:07.000 A pool hall connected to a comedy club.

02:20:09.000 This is the greatest thing I've ever heard of.

02:20:10.000 I love that guy.

02:20:11.000 He is one of the fastest minds ever. 0.84

02:20:15.000 That's unbelievable how fucking funny that guy is. 0.90

02:20:17.000 It's very funny, dude. 0.98

02:20:19.000 There it is.

02:20:20.000 The parlor.

02:20:21.000 Yeah.

02:20:21.000 Permanently closed.

02:20:23.000 Talented guy, too. 1.00

02:20:24.000 I saw him one time with a bow and arrow, just talking all of this shit, and he hit a bullseye, and then he did the next one, and he split his fucking arrow. 1.00

02:20:33.000 Talking shit the whole fucking time. 1.00

02:20:34.000 Brian Cowan? 1.00

02:20:35.000 Yes.

02:20:35.000 Where'd you see this?

02:20:36.000 At this guy's house that had one of those things.

02:20:38.000 That was dead luck.

02:20:40.000 Brian Cowell is a terrible archer. 1.00

02:20:42.000 He doesn't know jack shit about archery. 0.99

02:20:43.000 Hey, listen. 0.99

02:20:44.000 I know what I saw.

02:20:45.000 Were you dreaming?

02:20:46.000 No, I saw this. 1.00

02:20:47.000 He talked shit the whole time and he did it. 1.00

02:20:50.000 It was fucking great. 1.00

02:20:51.000 It was like I was watching a movie. 0.99

02:20:52.000 I bought him a bow.

02:20:54.000 Listen, I gotta tell you something.

02:20:55.000 I think you need to move him a little bit higher up in your brain.

02:20:57.000 He's one of my best friends.

02:20:59.000 That's how you talk about a friend.

02:21:00.000 I love him.

02:21:01.000 But I bought him a bow.

02:21:02.000 I bought him a Hoyt.

02:21:04.000 Carbon spider.

02:21:05.000 Really nice bow.

02:21:06.000 Never used it once.

02:21:08.000 He goes, wait, I gotta use that bow.

02:21:09.000 I gotta use that bow one day. 1.00

02:21:11.000 I'm like, get a fucking target. 1.00

02:21:13.000 He's probably standing on the string doing curls knowing him. 1.00

02:21:16.000 Maybe.

02:21:16.000 He boxes.

02:21:17.000 Likes to go to the boxing gym.

02:21:19.000 Likes to mix it up.

02:21:20.000 He goes in there and spars.

02:21:21.000 I'm like, Brian, you're gonna get brain damage.

02:21:24.000 You're 53 years old. 0.99

02:21:25.000 You can't be getting punched in the face.

02:21:27.000 Yeah, but he's like a Jason Statham, 53. Because you have to know that, dude.

02:21:37.000 Now that we're these old fucks, okay? 0.99

02:21:40.000 We're hanging in there. 0.98

02:21:41.000 Because you see people, I see at this point, I remember that's when I first felt old, was when I would meet people after shows, and I'd be like, oh, this guy's got at least five years on me, and I'd find out they were five years younger than me. 0.99

02:21:52.000 Like, I'd be like 33, I'd be like, you're fucking 28. And he was like a real 28, married, three kids, and I saw what that looked like, you know?

02:22:00.000 You know this fucking business. 1.00

02:22:02.000 This business you get shit on. 1.00

02:22:03.000 I love the harassing to a point on social media. 1.00

02:22:10.000 Hey, Billy Boo's face.

02:22:10.000 Harassing?

02:22:14.000 Hey, Billy Fat Tits and all that shit. 1.00

02:22:15.000 That motivates me. 1.00

02:22:17.000 You gotta honestly look at yourself.

02:22:19.000 They're right.

02:22:20.000 They're hanging a little bit.

02:22:22.000 I need to do some push-ups. 1.00

02:22:24.000 They will fucking bully you into getting in shit. 1.00

02:22:28.000 It's all how you process the information. 1.00

02:22:32.000 Yeah, there's something to that.

02:22:32.000 No?

02:22:34.000 Yeah, look, you're talking about fat shaming. 1.00

02:22:36.000 I'm telling you that if I wasn't in this business, I would be a fat fuck. 1.00

02:22:40.000 I'd get those blonde Oreo cookies, root beer floats. 1.00

02:22:44.000 I would be fucking hammering that shit. 1.00

02:22:47.000 So being in the business keeps you skinnier? 1.00

02:22:49.000 Yeah, because then on Twitter I would just have the fucking, the pussy picture, just the egg one. 1.00

02:22:54.000 You know, when nobody knows who you are and I could be a fat fuck being like, you know, just giving people shit. 1.00

02:22:59.000 You got a little fatter since the last movie. 1.00

02:23:01.000 I would have a blast doing that.

02:23:04.000 How's your shoulder?

02:23:05.000 It's great.

02:23:06.000 It's better?

02:23:07.000 Because I've been, I finally, that was another thing.

02:23:11.000 Is this, like, the shoulder thing also caused me that I had to slow down.

02:23:16.000 And, like, the patience you need to rehab it.

02:23:21.000 Like, you're sitting there with, like, at first it's just the weight of your arm doing the crawls up the wall.

02:23:26.000 Then you lay on your side.

02:23:27.000 Then it's just the weight of your arm.

02:23:29.000 And then a tuna can.

02:23:32.000 Then I went into a can of clams.

02:23:34.000 And now I'm up to the pink weight.

02:23:36.000 The one pounder.

02:23:37.000 And then this is the big tipping point.

02:23:40.000 When you go from one pound to two pound, as ridiculous as that sound, you're increasing the weight load by 100%.

02:23:45.000 And that's when you get hurt, because you want to get, like, I used to be able to do like 15 pound, you know, 20 pound, 25, those sets you used to do.

02:23:54.000 Yeah.

02:23:55.000 And now, you know, when it's really hurting, I reach for some salt.

02:23:58.000 I'm like, ah, it resets it.

02:24:00.000 So what I do is I just get, slowly work my way up to three sets of 20, And then when I go to two pounds, when I do it, I'll just do three sets of three.

02:24:08.000 So I'm way beneath the weight load that I did. 0.98

02:24:11.000 And then you gradually, it requires all of this patience that I don't fucking have. 0.97

02:24:16.000 What is wrong with it? 0.97

02:24:18.000 This one I had a bursitis. 0.92

02:24:20.000 This one I actually, I fucked up something else.

02:24:23.000 And this one is totally fine now.

02:24:25.000 But I'm not using it as much because I'm not using this one.

02:24:27.000 So I do the rehab on both sides just to keep them equal. 0.92

02:24:31.000 I've been doing a lot of core work, a lot of back shit that I never did, which is how my shoulder got fucked up. 0.96

02:24:35.000 Because I just did the 80s things. 0.94

02:24:36.000 You know, this, everything up here, what I could see, I worked on. 0.99

02:24:40.000 So all back here was like, we can't fucking hold this shit. 0.98

02:24:43.000 So everything, my shoulders bowed in and one was higher than the other. 0.99

02:24:47.000 And then eventually it just got pinched.

02:24:49.000 Yeah, it was... 1.00

02:24:50.000 Yeah, I do these fucking things. 0.99

02:24:51.000 I know that's for this, but I didn't do anything for the middle of my back or lower back, all of this. 1.00

02:24:57.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

02:24:58.000 You ever used bands? 0.98

02:24:59.000 Yeah.

02:25:00.000 Bands are a good way to not get hurt.

02:25:02.000 I'm a big fan.

02:25:03.000 There's a product called Crossover Symmetry.

02:25:07.000 It's a series of different weight bands.

02:25:09.000 I'll show it to you out here.

02:25:10.000 I have it attached to one of the bars, one of the cages.

02:25:15.000 And these bands, they come in 15 pounds.

02:25:19.000 25 pounds, 40 pounds, a bunch of different weights.

02:25:22.000 I'd take these things and I'd do a whole series of exercises with my shoulders.

02:25:26.000 It keeps everything strong and you're not really...

02:25:26.000 It's great.

02:25:29.000 You're not pushing it in the same with weights.

02:25:31.000 Yeah, I'd like to look at that.

02:25:32.000 I'm not going to do it, but once I get to a certain level of strength...

02:25:36.000 But the thing is, you can do it.

02:25:38.000 It's not going to hurt you because you're not...

02:25:40.000 You're just doing it lightly like this.

02:25:41.000 You've got a lawsuit coming your way, buddy.

02:25:45.000 Look, this is...

02:25:46.000 Oh, I just thought of something.

02:25:47.000 I just forgot. 1.00

02:25:48.000 Something that I learned about myself with that shit. 1.00

02:25:50.000 That'll come to me. 1.00

02:25:51.000 As far as like...

02:25:53.000 With rehabilitation?

02:25:54.000 Yeah, but it also came into my personality.

02:25:56.000 Just something that I kind of...

02:25:58.000 Oh, this is what I learned about myself.

02:26:01.000 And why I didn't miss stand-up, because it was freaking me out.

02:26:04.000 Is because what I experienced as a kid, straight across the board...

02:26:10.000 It made me go to this mental place of like, I don't care. 1.00

02:26:15.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:26:16.000 I don't care. 1.00

02:26:16.000 I don't need it. 1.00

02:26:17.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

02:26:17.000 And that's what caused everything to get walled off. 0.99

02:26:21.000 And that actually feeds into rehabbing injuries. 0.89

02:26:25.000 Because it was a big moment for me where I got this fucking console thing that I'm trying to put in my podcast studio. 0.89

02:26:34.000 And they're supposed to deliver it and bring it in there, right? 0.98

02:26:37.000 So the day they were going to deliver it, my wife went into labor. 0.77

02:26:42.000 So, I went to the hospital, and then they showed up, and I didn't want them going out in my garage. 0.98

02:26:46.000 I got all my memorabilia and shit.

02:26:47.000 I just didn't want people in there unless I was there. 0.93

02:26:49.000 So I said, I just have them drop it off.

02:26:51.000 I thought it was going to be a box, and it was already assembled. 0.96

02:26:53.000 And it was fucking big, right? 0.93

02:26:56.000 And it was also the weight load of it. 1.00

02:26:58.000 I was like, ah, fuck it. 1.00

02:26:59.000 If I keep my arms in like this, it's mostly biceps, and I was going to do this stupid German-Irish. 1.00

02:27:06.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:27:06.000 And what it was going to do was going to set me back... 1.00

02:27:11.000 Once again, I had a big setback in February. 0.99

02:27:14.000 I had an acting gig, and they said, hey, it was just a stupid little action thing. 0.99

02:27:18.000 There's a wall. 0.99

02:27:19.000 Put your hands on it.

02:27:20.000 Hop over.

02:27:21.000 Can you do that?

02:27:22.000 I'm like, yeah, my shoulder feels pretty good.

02:27:23.000 And the second I went like that, I felt like lightning going down my shoulder. 1.00

02:27:25.000 And I was like, ah, fuck. 1.00

02:27:26.000 Right back to the fucking tuna canning and all that shit. 1.00

02:27:29.000 So I actually had a friend come over. 1.00

02:27:34.000 We were going to do it.

02:27:35.000 I said, you know what, dude?

02:27:36.000 I'll... 1.00

02:27:37.000 I owe you a fucking dinner or something. 1.00

02:27:39.000 I'm not doing this. 1.00

02:27:40.000 And I called up this guy that I knew who has a construction company.

02:27:44.000 I go, you got a couple of strong young guys that can just move this thing in there.

02:27:47.000 And I just had them do it.

02:27:50.000 And that's something that I'm pushing through where it helps me as a comic. 0.99

02:27:56.000 It also helps me deal with highly emotional shit because I can just shut shit off and just... 0.99

02:28:02.000 Do what I have to do. 0.99

02:28:04.000 Which works. 0.96

02:28:05.000 Like back in the day when you're going to do Letterman, which was fucking terrifying. 0.95

02:28:07.000 It's freezing cold. 1.00

02:28:09.000 And you just have to be like, fuck this. 1.00

02:28:11.000 It's just fucking people. 1.00

02:28:12.000 This is just a different shiny floor that's freaking me out. 1.00

02:28:15.000 And there's an icon sitting at that desk.

02:28:17.000 I had the tools to shut that off, which is great for that moment. 0.99

02:28:22.000 But it's terrible for the rest of your fucking life. 1.00

02:28:25.000 Like, there's shit that's, like, I just realized there's this shit in me that I needed to, that I have not dealt with. 1.00

02:28:32.000 Death of friends, all of that shit is just sitting in here. 0.99

02:28:36.000 And I think that's also like when... 1.00

02:28:41.000 People then go like, oh, hey, can you do this? 0.99

02:28:43.000 Oh, what the fuck? 0.99

02:28:44.000 Like, it's not all just that I'm not going to get what I want. 1.00

02:28:47.000 A lot of that is like, you got all of this shit that you're sitting on. 0.98

02:28:51.000 So you're sitting on all that and you haven't addressed it. 0.99

02:28:54.000 So then it just, the only way for the steam to come out is like for you to snap or whatever.

02:29:01.000 So, which is really not fair to the people around you, to be honest with you.

02:29:07.000 So, I don't know.

02:29:09.000 Have you gone to therapy?

02:29:14.000 Yeah.

02:29:15.000 What about meditating?

02:29:16.000 You ever meditate? 0.99

02:29:17.000 Yeah, but I find the guy's voice is fucking annoying. 0.97

02:29:19.000 You don't have to listen to a guy. 0.99

02:29:21.000 He won't shut up. 0.99

02:29:25.000 Every time I'm getting there, he starts fucking talking again. 0.99

02:29:28.000 And then he's using this really soothing, caring voice that makes me face all of that shit that I didn't get growing up, which makes me angry at this person that's trying to help me. 0.99

02:29:42.000 Wow. 0.97

02:29:43.000 Yeah.

02:29:45.000 Quarantine is not a bad thing.

02:29:49.000 For what it's worth, you're always fun to hang around with.

02:29:51.000 I always enjoy your company.

02:29:53.000 I don't have any issues with any of your crazy behavior.

02:29:55.000 Because I have a crushing need to be liked. 0.98

02:29:58.000 So I tone down my cuntiness when I'm around you. 0.98

02:30:06.000 Listen, my wife knows me. 0.98

02:30:07.000 Hang out with her one time. 1.00

02:30:09.000 She'll tell you some fucking stories. 1.00

02:30:10.000 I'm sure. 1.00

02:30:12.000 Yeah.

02:30:13.000 Well, the you that I get, I like.

02:30:17.000 If that helps you.

02:30:18.000 Yeah.

02:30:18.000 You know the deal.

02:30:19.000 You don't know anybody until you live with them.

02:30:21.000 Alright.

02:30:22.000 You know?

02:30:25.000 I will not accept your compliments.

02:30:27.000 That's another part of my personality.

02:30:32.000 Who's the guy that's running the meditation app that's annoying you?

02:30:35.000 Do you know whose app you're using?

02:30:37.000 I don't want to put the guy on blast, but yeah, I do.

02:30:39.000 Okay.

02:30:40.000 Let me know later.

02:30:41.000 And he's great.

02:30:41.000 He's great at what he's doing.

02:30:43.000 He's trying to help people.

02:30:44.000 I understand.

02:30:45.000 Yeah.

02:30:46.000 You should do it without an app.

02:30:48.000 Dude, I have a story.

02:30:50.000 I can't say what I said nowadays. 0.57

02:30:53.000 I can't say what I said, but I remember one time I was playing pickup hockey and I suck, right?

02:30:58.000 But I'm having a good time out there.

02:30:59.000 I'm just, you know, I'm out there trying to get a sweat going, right?

02:31:02.000 And, you know, I'm having my head down and we're playing no contacting because it was really my fault. 0.95

02:31:06.000 I had my head down and this guy fucking knocked me down on the other team. 0.88

02:31:09.000 And he goes, are you all right? 0.99

02:31:12.000 Yeah, what I said to that guy, I still fucking regret. 0.73

02:31:17.000 I was so mad at him that he was caring in that moment. 0.95

02:31:22.000 And that's one of those things.

02:31:24.000 It was like, what is wrong with me?

02:31:27.000 Wow. 1.00

02:31:29.000 You're really trying to come to grips with all this shit right now. 1.00

02:31:33.000 Yeah, because I don't want to pass this shit on to my kids. 1.00

02:31:36.000 That's what happens. 1.00

02:31:37.000 As they're growing up.

02:31:39.000 Yeah, when people are like...

02:31:42.000 If people say my kids are not like me, I'm like, good.

02:31:48.000 That's weird, but I do think that a lot.

02:31:50.000 If they're like, oh yeah, she's like, you know, happy-go-lo.

02:31:53.000 I'm like, great.

02:31:55.000 Like, I forget what somebody said one time about my daughter, because she's this angel, right?

02:32:00.000 And they made some sort of, you know, comic.

02:32:04.000 Made the comment, you know, thinking it was going to hurt me. 0.98

02:32:06.000 And I was like, yeah, dude, that's fucking music to my ears. 0.94

02:32:09.000 I don't want her to be like me. 0.99

02:32:12.000 Don't.

02:32:13.000 Do you think they were trying to hurt you when they said it?

02:32:16.000 No, it was one of those comic things where they don't have kids, and it was the guys, and they don't know what to say. 0.99

02:32:21.000 So then they gotta, like, make a fucking joke. 0.98

02:32:25.000 Like, I had a buddy of mine, a comedian, on my birthday. 1.00

02:32:28.000 He goes, hey, happy destroying your mother's uterus day. 0.60

02:32:35.000 And I just remember laughing, going like, oh, there's a guy who has to do a little more work than I have to.

02:32:39.000 Or you're just being funny.

02:32:40.000 I know, but I mean, I know what it is. 0.92

02:32:44.000 It was a Boston comic, and he couldn't just say, happy birthday, because that would be gay. 1.00

02:32:50.000 Right. 0.52

02:32:50.000 So he has to go to so overcorrect that, has to go to that level. 0.52

02:32:57.000 It's so fucking stupid. 1.00

02:32:58.000 It's probably why guys die before women. 1.00

02:33:00.000 You hang on to shit, and there's all that stuff, you know? 1.00

02:33:05.000 Can't say you enjoy a sunset, Joe. 1.00

02:33:07.000 You can't do that.

02:33:08.000 Why can't you? 1.00

02:33:10.000 Shut up. 1.00

02:33:11.000 You know why. 1.00

02:33:12.000 I know you do. 1.00

02:33:13.000 I know, but the thing about you is you can also beat the shit out of most people in a fucking room. 1.00

02:33:17.000 So you got that. 1.00

02:33:18.000 So people can be like, oh, wow.

02:33:19.000 You know, they actually want to hear that from you.

02:33:23.000 When they see you spinning heel kick, they want to know that you enjoy a sunset. 0.99

02:33:26.000 Because if this guy's as angry as I am and can do all of that shit, what are my odds of getting out of here? 0.99

02:33:32.000 So you want to see that out of a guy like you. 0.99

02:33:35.000 But a guy like you don't want to see it.

02:33:37.000 Don't want to see you enjoying a sunset.

02:33:39.000 Joe, I don't read. 0.99

02:33:40.000 I don't fucking read it. 0.99

02:33:41.000 I don't know what it is. 0.98

02:33:43.000 I am too in here to understand me.

02:33:48.000 This is interesting, dog.

02:33:50.000 I have a very weird thing.

02:33:53.000 I have an alley of my personality that works that I somehow turned into a living.

02:33:58.000 But the rest of it looks like Fred Sanford's yard. 0.98

02:34:06.000 Old radiators and bed frames and shit. 1.00

02:34:08.000 It's a fucking mess. 0.99

02:34:08.000 It's interesting because I've never seen you this introspective where you're really trying to work it out. 0.99

02:34:12.000 You're really thinking about it more than I've ever seen you think about it before.

02:34:16.000 You've always joked around about it.

02:34:19.000 In all the years I've known you, it's always been a part of the things you talk about.

02:34:22.000 But it seems much more at the forefront of your consciousness right now.

02:34:28.000 It's something you really need to work on.

02:34:30.000 You really realize, I've got to fix this.

02:34:34.000 Yeah, I think it started last year doing the movie.

02:34:36.000 Oh, he brings back the movie. 0.97

02:34:39.000 There was a bunch of shit that I had to play that I never had to play before. 1.00

02:34:45.000 You want me to be a loud fucking asshole, I can do that. 1.00

02:34:48.000 But then all of a sudden, I had a lot of anxiety about a lot of the stuff. 1.00

02:34:53.000 My character had two kids, and the first time I meet the kids, it's classic acting, where it's just like, you just show up.

02:35:01.000 I remember I took this acting class...

02:35:04.000 This guy, Brendan Hughes, he was great.

02:35:06.000 He was talking about what it's like to go on a movie set.

02:35:08.000 It's how you have to have access to all these emotions because you're showing up.

02:35:12.000 And it's just like, okay, you're this guy, and this is your dad, and your mother just died.

02:35:17.000 And action.

02:35:18.000 And it's just like, what?

02:35:20.000 Because that's the way it goes.

02:35:21.000 It just goes real quick.

02:35:23.000 So I have to play like this.

02:35:26.000 So I got two kids here.

02:35:27.000 So the first day I met them...

02:35:30.000 We had to do the family photo.

02:35:32.000 They wanted to have one of those things in the background for a scene, so you have to... 0.99

02:35:35.000 And I'm sitting there going like, ah, fuck, you know, I gotta act like I love these kids the way I love my kids. 0.98

02:35:43.000 And that was really confronting for me as far as how I'm wired. 1.00

02:35:47.000 Well, fuck you, I don't need anybody. 1.00

02:35:49.000 So I had like a fucking panic attack before. 1.00

02:35:55.000 Even that thing, just being like, just that comic thing where you're just like, dude, I stand on stage, I do shit jokes for a fucking hour, you give the check and then I fucking leave. 0.99

02:35:55.000 Really? 0.99

02:36:05.000 I smoke a cigar, just fucking leave me alone, right? 0.98

02:36:08.000 And this thing here, it's like, no, you're now on a schedule. 0.99

02:36:12.000 Somebody tells you where you have to be.

02:36:14.000 So like, you know, I was like a cat on a leash all of a sudden, like, yeah, I have to be all these places.

02:36:18.000 So I was freaking out about that.

02:36:19.000 And then I had to do the picture with the kids.

02:36:23.000 So what I did was...

02:36:25.000 I just, I got myself into a really silly mood.

02:36:28.000 And I was deliberately, I was joking with all the other actors.

02:36:32.000 I was making fun of myself.

02:36:34.000 I was joking with anybody that had anything to do with the movie. 1.00

02:36:36.000 I got this really silly, stupid mood. 0.99

02:36:38.000 And I just, to get myself in that headspace. 1.00

02:36:40.000 And then I met them.

02:36:41.000 I started joking around about what I look like.

02:36:43.000 And this is what your dad looked like.

02:36:44.000 And then they started laughing.

02:36:46.000 So when they took the picture, we were actually laughing about a joke I was making about myself.

02:36:50.000 And then I looked at the pictures.

02:36:52.000 And they looked real.

02:36:53.000 They looked like I love these kids.

02:36:56.000 So, I got over that hurdle. 0.99

02:36:58.000 So, like, throughout the shoot, you know, obviously the shit yelling at Pete, it's like, I can fucking do that all day. 0.98

02:37:04.000 But all that other stuff, and it's like, okay, and, you know, Jeb would be like, okay, and then you meet Margie, and you're smitten. 0.99

02:37:12.000 And it's like smitten.

02:37:13.000 You know, I've never had...

02:37:15.000 I've been smitten in life, but I've never...

02:37:18.000 You know, as a comedian, I don't think you ever really go on stage. 0.99

02:37:21.000 And if you were to do something where you were smitten, you're making fun of that emotion and the stupid things that you do. 0.99

02:37:27.000 And it's like, no, we need you to play this real. 0.99

02:37:29.000 Like you really have just...

02:37:31.000 And I'm like, oh, so I'm like into her?

02:37:33.000 He goes, no, you're lovestruck, like a lightning bolt.

02:37:37.000 And I'm just like... 0.99

02:37:39.000 I don't know how to fucking do this. 0.99

02:37:42.000 I'm in my head. 0.99

02:37:44.000 This person's won an Oscar. 0.99

02:37:46.000 They're going to think I suck. 1.00

02:37:47.000 Just going through all of that shit. 1.00

02:37:49.000 So it took me probably two weeks on the film. 0.99

02:37:54.000 I was two weeks in. 0.98

02:37:55.000 They had shot enough of my shit where I was like, alright, they're not going to fire me. 0.99

02:37:59.000 I can kind of relax a little. 1.00

02:38:01.000 And then after that, I had a great time. 0.99

02:38:04.000 I had a fucking great time. 0.97

02:38:06.000 Best time I've had on any acting gigs. 0.98

02:38:08.000 And I've had a lot of fun throughout the years.

02:38:10.000 So I think that's what sort of started it.

02:38:13.000 And I was kind of like...

02:38:15.000 You know, trying to communicate it to my wife, and she doesn't know what I'm talking about. 0.98

02:38:21.000 This is fucking great! 0.98

02:38:21.000 She's like, you're doing a movie! 0.98

02:38:22.000 And she has access, you know, opposites attract, so she has access to all of that shit. 1.00

02:38:27.000 She's actually, you know, a fucking way better actor than I am and stuff, so she helps me out a lot. 0.97

02:38:33.000 So after those two weeks, I was able to chill, and then I had a great time, and I got over a bunch of hurdles, and I was kind of like, oh, this is like growing as a comic.

02:38:43.000 Where it's like, okay, I know how to do this as a comic.

02:38:47.000 What if I try to act something out?

02:38:49.000 Oh, that's not my safe space.

02:38:50.000 Now I start feeling like an open mic-er again.

02:38:52.000 They're not going to like me.

02:38:53.000 I'm not going to stop getting spots at the store.

02:38:56.000 Go home, live home with my parents. 1.00

02:38:57.000 I start doing that shit. 1.00

02:38:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:00.000 There's a whole show going on up here, Joe.

02:39:02.000 Did you watch it after it was done?

02:39:04.000 Yeah, I watched the initial cut of it, and then I saw the vinyl version of it and everything.

02:39:12.000 Did you enjoy it?

02:39:13.000 Yeah, it's one of those things, you know everything that was there and wasn't there, especially with jokes.

02:39:23.000 There was some...

02:39:26.000 You know, there's always gonna be stuff that you, ah, God, I wish, why did they cut there?

02:39:30.000 I wish they put this in.

02:39:31.000 But, like, as far as, like, the movie itself, I loved it, how it worked, and the way they put it together.

02:39:37.000 And there's the opening scene that's in the movie, initially was in the middle of the movie, and somebody, Judd, I don't know who, came up with the brilliant idea to put that scene first, and it totally changed the tone of the movie, and that's when it, like, took off.

02:39:51.000 Because I saw a real raw cut, and it was like, this is a bunch of funny shit, Everybody I've ever talked to who edits a movie, when they watch their first cut in the movie, they're like, oh my god, I'm never going to work in this business again. 0.98

02:40:03.000 I just wasted my fucking... 0.98

02:40:04.000 I was actually talking to one of the actors who had directed one of my favorite movies, Trees Lounge. 0.99

02:40:12.000 Steve Buscemi made that movie, and he told this fucking hilarious story about the first cut that he watched of it. 0.98

02:40:21.000 He just went home like a zombie. 0.97

02:40:23.000 You know, like going, oh my God, like, how am I going to make...

02:40:26.000 And it's such a great movie by the time he was done editing it, but his first, like, look at it.

02:40:31.000 So that helped me out.

02:40:33.000 A guy as good as him having that type of thought. 1.00

02:40:37.000 I was just like, oh, jeez, I think that shit all the time. 0.98

02:40:40.000 You know, this guy's an icon. 0.99

02:40:41.000 If he thinks that, then this is normal. 1.00

02:40:43.000 So I was like, all right, I guess I'm kind of normal to think this shit. 0.99

02:40:46.000 So I think that started it. 0.99

02:40:46.000 So yeah. 0.99

02:40:48.000 And then I just kind of would have...

02:40:50.000 Just been happy to get through the movie.

02:40:52.000 And then that would have been it.

02:40:53.000 And then I had to be quarantined.

02:40:56.000 Oh, we all got quarantined.

02:40:57.000 I'm talking like myself.

02:40:58.000 Typical self-involved me.

02:41:00.000 Everybody's quarantined.

02:41:01.000 And then that just became me sitting around.

02:41:03.000 And I was like, I'm not watching TV because this is just going to... 0.99

02:41:06.000 Fucking make me feel like claustrophobic watching all this news and shit trying to be informed. 0.99

02:41:11.000 So I kind of went away from that. 1.00

02:41:13.000 And then I was just in the house with me just sitting there and everybody was asleep.

02:41:17.000 Just thinking.

02:41:20.000 Thinking.

02:41:20.000 But not in a bad way.

02:41:22.000 I don't think.

02:41:23.000 I don't know.

02:41:24.000 Well, it doesn't seem like it's a bad way.

02:41:26.000 It seems like you've isolated some of the things that you have a problem with that you need to work out.

02:41:31.000 I mean, that's one great leap on the way to figuring it out is knowing what you're trying to work on.

02:41:31.000 Yeah.

02:41:38.000 Some people go their whole life not understanding what the fuck is wrong with them. 0.98

02:41:41.000 I'm jealous of those people. 0.98

02:41:44.000 I grew up with a lot of those people.

02:41:45.000 Those people watch TV all the time?

02:41:47.000 No.

02:41:48.000 They just...

02:41:49.000 They are who they are. 1.00

02:41:51.000 And they just fucking do that. 0.99

02:41:53.000 There is something... 0.99

02:41:54.000 I have actually... 0.99

02:41:56.000 It's so fucked up. 0.99

02:41:58.000 There's people... 1.00

02:41:59.000 Like, when I look at people that just do whatever the fuck they want to do, you know? 0.99

02:42:06.000 Like, who doesn't want to just fucking eat a large cheese pizza and then finish it off with a pint of ice cream? 0.99

02:42:11.000 Like, those people that do that, I know they pay for it, but there is something to be... 0.98

02:42:16.000 I'm reading this book right now on Bobby Lane, who was a quarterback...

02:42:21.000 For the Detroit Lions.

02:42:23.000 And there's all these legends.

02:42:24.000 His story is so legendary.

02:42:26.000 You don't even know where the legend is and where the truth is.

02:42:29.000 But like this guy, Art Donovan, used to tell a story about, you know, he was on the other team and he sacked him.

02:42:35.000 And, you know, he's getting up and Bobby breathed on him. 0.99

02:42:38.000 He goes, Jesus Christ, man, where the fuck did you go last night? 0.99

02:42:41.000 And Bobby allegedly said last night, he goes, I had a couple of pops at halftime. 1.00

02:42:45.000 These guys were fucking lunatics. 0.99

02:42:47.000 And he lived this life where he had this wide array of friends, really progressive, where he, through playing sports, he had African-American friends. 1.00

02:43:00.000 And if they were to go in someplace and they said, your friend can't come in, he goes, no, we're not fucking going in.

02:43:04.000 I mean, this guy was doing this in the 50s and 60s, right? 0.81

02:43:07.000 And he was always like that.

02:43:09.000 But he died at like 58 or 59. And it was hard for all of his friends to see him, you know, not being like the legend.

02:43:17.000 But there's a great part in the book where he's talking about his life.

02:43:21.000 And...

02:43:23.000 Like knowing that, you know, he probably should have gone easier.

02:43:26.000 But like this big smile came on his face that he kind of did it the way he wanted to.

02:43:30.000 Because believe me, dude, I would love to go home and kill a bottle of bourbon right now.

02:43:33.000 I would love to. 1.00

02:43:34.000 Smoke another fucking five of these fucking things. 1.00

02:43:37.000 But I got too many people dependent on me. 1.00

02:43:40.000 But there is something to be said about living.

02:43:43.000 You know those people, they just...

02:43:45.000 I like booze.

02:43:47.000 I like getting drunk. 0.99

02:43:48.000 If I want to do it every night, I'm fucking going to do it. 0.99

02:43:51.000 I live at home. 0.99

02:43:52.000 I want to get a pizza, I'm going to have a fucking pizza. 0.99

02:43:54.000 You do pay for it, but there is... 0.99

02:43:56.000 It made me think of like, well, what's that life like? 1.00

02:44:01.000 As opposed to being like, well, you know, I got to make sure I eat my Brussels sprouts and you kind of inch your way to death as opposed to just being like, fuck it. 1.00

02:44:12.000 Pizza tastes good. 1.00

02:44:13.000 I want a pizza.

02:44:15.000 I'm having one. 1.00

02:44:15.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:44:17.000 Let's try every bourbon. 1.00

02:44:18.000 I love that in the Lemmy doc when he just had all those bottles of bourbon.

02:44:23.000 The greatest thing in the Lemmy thing is when those guys were saying, Lemmy goes, hey, you want some Jack Daniels?

02:44:28.000 They go, yeah.

02:44:28.000 And he takes a bottle down and then hands both of them their own bottle.

02:44:32.000 And they were like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:44:34.000 And he starts drinking out of this like he's having a Coke. 1.00

02:44:38.000 Dean Del Rey said something fucking hilarious about when he watched the Lemmy doc. 0.74

02:44:42.000 He goes, dude, if I saw that thing when I was in my 20s, and I knew Lemmy was going to live to be 70, he goes, I never would have stopped. 0.79

02:44:51.000 His last days were rough, though.

02:44:53.000 I think everybody's last days are rough, unless you drop dead.

02:44:56.000 But his last days on performing.

02:44:58.000 I mean, he basically performed until the wheels fell off.

02:45:02.000 There's a video of him, like one of the last shows that he did, where he had to walk off stage in the middle of his performance. 0.98

02:45:09.000 He was such a fucking badass. 0.98

02:45:11.000 Even like just the way he had the microphone, the way he would sing, where he just came in and the fucking bass was all low. 0.99

02:45:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:45:18.000 Can't teach that, man. 1.00

02:45:19.000 That kid was fucking in his DNA. Well, he lived it, that's for sure. 1.00

02:45:24.000 And he is a legend.

02:45:25.000 And there's something to be said for that.

02:45:29.000 It's all what you put your energy to.

02:45:31.000 Yeah, it's kind of how you... 0.97

02:45:33.000 It's the balls to live that life. 0.97

02:45:33.000 You know what it is? 0.97

02:45:35.000 Yeah, indulgent and wild.

02:45:37.000 Yeah, where there's all this heroism to sobriety, which there is. 0.93

02:45:43.000 Being sober and just taking life in the face every day is fucking hard. 0.99

02:45:49.000 And I think to see somebody that has the balls, even with all this Surgeon General shit, as I'm sitting here smoking a fucking cigar, looking for a toothpick if you have one. 1.00

02:46:00.000 No. 1.00

02:46:01.000 No?

02:46:02.000 Toothpick?

02:46:02.000 Who's got that piece of stick right there?

02:46:04.000 You can turn that into a toothpick. 0.97

02:46:05.000 Yeah, but I can't fucking stick it in here. 1.00

02:46:09.000 This is why I had to stop cigars, because I'll smoke it right down on my fucking fingers. 0.99

02:46:13.000 Here. 0.99

02:46:14.000 Whittle that thing down. 1.00

02:46:16.000 Jesus Christ, Joe.

02:46:17.000 Give me that stick. 0.88

02:46:18.000 Oh.

02:46:18.000 Is that the way you're supposed to hand somebody a knife?

02:46:21.000 Well, I was gonna...

02:46:22.000 Oh, you were gonna do it?

02:46:23.000 Yeah.

02:46:24.000 I don't need you, Joe.

02:46:25.000 I don't need anybody.

02:46:25.000 Good luck.

02:46:29.000 You need a roach clip.

02:46:31.000 You want another cigar so you don't have to do that?

02:46:35.000 No, this is the best part.

02:46:36.000 That's the best part of the cigar?

02:46:38.000 Yeah, the smoke goes right to you.

02:46:40.000 Yeah?

02:46:42.000 Okay.

02:46:44.000 I feel like I'm in therapy now.

02:46:45.000 I feel like I'm a therapist right now.

02:46:47.000 Listen, don't switch to kid glove tone with me, alright? 0.99

02:46:50.000 I'm just fucking around here. 0.98

02:46:51.000 I'm sorry, Bill. 0.98

02:46:52.000 See that?

02:46:55.000 Just trying to assess the situation.

02:46:58.000 Is that what your training has taught you?

02:46:58.000 Oh, are you?

02:47:01.000 You talk to all these whack jobs on your fucking podcast? 1.00

02:47:06.000 The Lemmy thing is, you know, that's one of the things that people love about him, right? 0.99

02:47:11.000 Because everybody knows you're supposed to eat well. 0.99

02:47:14.000 Everybody knows you're not supposed to get fucked up every night. 0.99

02:47:17.000 Everybody knows you're supposed to be responsible and mature and smart. 0.99

02:47:24.000 But what he did was just wild.

02:47:27.000 It didn't work? 1.00

02:47:28.000 No, it's going to be slipping off the fucking thing. 1.00

02:47:28.000 No? 1.00

02:47:29.000 Look at him there.

02:47:31.000 He was just wild.

02:47:32.000 Wild to the end.

02:47:33.000 And it worked.

02:47:34.000 Yeah, and I think you need people like that.

02:47:36.000 You do.

02:47:37.000 Because you can get a lot out of the way that they live where every once in a while you can be like, you know what, fuck this. 0.99

02:47:43.000 Let's be Lemmy today. 0.98

02:47:45.000 Yeah, you get great art out of those people too. 0.97

02:47:48.000 Those wild people, the Bukowskis and the Sam Kinisons and the Lemmys and the people that just fucking go hard.

02:47:56.000 There's something to that. 0.91

02:47:57.000 Yeah.

02:47:58.000 There's something to that too.

02:48:01.000 Yeah.

02:48:01.000 There's also something to people that are stoic.

02:48:04.000 You know, what's interesting to me is just the range of people.

02:48:10.000 I can get things out of people that just drink water and meditate, and I'm fascinated by them.

02:48:16.000 I'm fascinated by people.

02:48:17.000 Like, I was watching some...

02:48:19.000 Do you know Russell Simmons?

02:48:21.000 He lives in like...

02:48:22.000 Where does he live in?

02:48:22.000 Like Bali or Indonesia or something like that?

02:48:25.000 He was doing an Instagram Live. 0.99

02:48:29.000 And he's doing it cross-legged with some crazy yoga shawl over his knees and shit. 0.99

02:48:37.000 It looked like an ashram. 0.99

02:48:38.000 And he's basically talking like a yogi in an ashram.

02:48:43.000 This guy was the head of Def Jam.

02:48:46.000 And he got really, really into yoga. 0.99

02:48:49.000 And now he lives in some country somewhere and just fucking does yoga. 0.97

02:48:56.000 I was doing Instagram Live talking to people, like a guru. 0.98

02:49:01.000 Yeah, I ain't gonna go that hard.

02:49:05.000 I'm not either.

02:49:06.000 I'll do a yoga. 0.98

02:49:08.000 I mean, I kind of do my own version of yoga, just shit that I've learned. 0.95

02:49:12.000 Do you do a little yoga? 0.98

02:49:13.000 I stretch all the time.

02:49:15.000 Yeah?

02:49:15.000 I have to, because I, you know, you just get to a certain age.

02:49:20.000 If you don't, I mean, you know.

02:49:22.000 Yeah, I love stretching. 0.99

02:49:23.000 Yeah, you kind of got to do all of that shit. 0.99

02:49:25.000 So anyway, enough of that. 0.99

02:49:28.000 You ever take a yoga class?

02:49:30.000 Yeah.

02:49:31.000 Like hot yoga?

02:49:32.000 You ever do that?

02:49:32.000 I almost, I just felt like I couldn't breathe.

02:49:34.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:49:35.000 And I remember too, also like my back was fucked up. 0.97

02:49:38.000 That's why I went to the class and the position she started out with, the twisting was happening too quickly. 0.98

02:49:46.000 So I kind of just went down to the mat and I was doing all the thing and the teacher got like all freaked out by it.

02:49:52.000 She's like, come on, you know, try to stay with the class. 1.00

02:49:52.000 Really? 1.00

02:49:54.000 You can't be like busting out all these different asanas. 0.98

02:49:57.000 And I just started fucking laughing where I was just thinking like, this is all supposed to be about listening to your body. 0.98

02:50:04.000 And you're literally, you're like the oil man in here trying to control. 1.00

02:50:08.000 This is your own little fucking economy. 1.00

02:50:09.000 And just the fact that I fuck, you're walking around like you got it all figured out. 1.00

02:50:14.000 You got 99% of people here all doing what the fuck you say and one guy goes down to his mat because his back is fucked up and you process it like I'm fucking with your authority in a yoga class. 1.00

02:50:28.000 So, with my broad brush, I said, fuck hot yoga. 1.00

02:50:37.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

02:50:38.000 Yoga teachers like everything else.

02:50:41.000 Some of them you're gonna enjoy, some of them are gonna be really good at it, and some of them are gonna annoy the fuck out of you.

02:50:46.000 What annoys the fuck out of me is when they start giving you motivational advice and telling you how to live your life.

02:50:52.000 We've got to learn to let go of things.

02:50:54.000 Like for me, and then tell some personal story. 0.96

02:50:57.000 And so what I got out of that, like Jesus Christ, can we fucking move on here? 0.93

02:51:01.000 I didn't come here to hear your first grade. 0.92

02:51:04.000 I used to go to this one.

02:51:05.000 It was a great class. 0.98

02:51:07.000 It was a great class, but the dude, he had, it was fucking awesome. 0.94

02:51:13.000 After a while I would go, I was just psychologically breaking this guy down.

02:51:19.000 And something happened to him at a Gold's gym. 0.94

02:51:22.000 I don't know what happened to him.

02:51:23.000 He just was forever making fun of muscle heads.

02:51:28.000 And I was thinking, you know, because I've had the hybrid thing going on. 0.81

02:51:31.000 Like, you know, back before I fucked up my shoulder, I loved lifting weights. 0.97

02:51:34.000 I loved going to the gym and all that shit. 0.98

02:51:36.000 And I liked the energy in a gym. 0.99

02:51:39.000 You know, I liked it.

02:51:41.000 And the old school ones, right? 1.00

02:51:44.000 When the guys used to walk around with the towels tucked into their fucking, you know, that shit. 1.00

02:51:48.000 And he was forever shitting on it. 1.00

02:51:51.000 And then another thing that he would do was he would also somehow steer it toward like a subtle comment about lovemaking. 0.96

02:52:00.000 And the way to...

02:52:01.000 And he was putting out like...

02:52:03.000 His vibe that he was good in bed at the same time.

02:52:09.000 That's a yoga guy move. 1.00

02:52:12.000 You know, and he had the little ponytail and shit. 1.00

02:52:15.000 It was fucking... 1.00

02:52:16.000 No, it was like a Will Ferrell character. 1.00

02:52:18.000 It was fucking funny. 0.98

02:52:19.000 It was like... 0.99

02:52:20.000 This is like...

02:52:21.000 It was like a real-life Will Ferrell...

02:52:26.000 Like, just really, just like, I know everything kind of vibe.

02:52:30.000 He wasn't as bad as that, but it was just...

02:52:32.000 I get it.

02:52:33.000 It was funny, though, and I used to sit there...

02:52:33.000 Yeah.

02:52:37.000 Yeah, this was like this dude in New York. 0.95

02:52:38.000 I remember it was fucking hilarious. 0.93

02:52:40.000 And what was hilarious was I was bad at yoga. 0.97

02:52:43.000 You're not supposed to even say that.

02:52:44.000 If you're doing it, man, you just, you know, wherever your body's at is where you're supposed to be, right?

02:52:48.000 And I just remember when he would walk around the class and he would adjust people.

02:52:52.000 He'd always skip me and then adjust some hot chick who was way more flexible than me. 1.00

02:52:57.000 And it's just like, really?

02:52:58.000 I'm doing it right as I'm sitting over here?

02:52:59.000 For some reason, I never needed an adjustment.

02:53:01.000 Of course. 1.00

02:53:02.000 And this was like the 90s, so you could get away with this shit. 1.00

02:53:05.000 There was a lot of adjusting like this, almost cupping a titty and fucking shit on the hips and stuff. 1.00

02:53:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:53:12.000 Hey, God bless him.

02:53:13.000 It's like a Pied Piper.

02:53:14.000 You got all these hot chicks in there and you get them all stretched out before he banged them. 1.00

02:53:18.000 And it worked.

02:53:19.000 So I couldn't hate on him for that, but it was...

02:53:23.000 To get through the class, because I have such fucking ADD, I was just, there was like a comedy show going on within it, like, you know, like a house, and then I got a couple buddies, like, dude, you gotta go. 0.99

02:53:35.000 You know, we'll do, you know, like a bet when he's gonna shit, how many times he's gonna shit on the gym. 0.99

02:53:40.000 What does he say? 0.99

02:53:44.000 What would he say?

02:53:46.000 He would talk about the muscle heads coming in there, and they had no flexibility, and how everything was all overdeveloped. 0.89

02:53:58.000 We'd always been doing some fucked up pose or something, and he goes, this works on your psoas. 0.83

02:54:05.000 Like, what machine in the gym... 0.90

02:54:09.000 Is there a psoas machine?

02:54:12.000 I can't remember.

02:54:13.000 It was a long time ago.

02:54:17.000 At first it pissed me off. 0.98

02:54:18.000 It's just like, I like fucking doing curls. 0.99

02:54:20.000 What's wrong with curls? 0.99

02:54:25.000 And then it just became funny to me.

02:54:27.000 There's a specific type of guy that's like that.

02:54:30.000 I went to a yoga guy once who used to sing in classes.

02:54:32.000 He wound up banging this lady that was there.

02:54:38.000 Back in the day, you can't do it now.

02:54:40.000 There was a lot of banging back then.

02:54:42.000 This was like, I guess this was late 90s, early 2000s maybe.

02:54:47.000 And he would sing in class and it was so cheap.

02:54:50.000 It was so disingenuous.

02:54:54.000 Like you would do these yoga songs. 0.99

02:54:56.000 I'm like, you are so gross. 0.98

02:54:59.000 I'm glad I wasn't the only one. 0.97

02:55:01.000 No, yoga guys are famous for that.

02:55:03.000 But there was some really good ones that I found. 1.00

02:55:08.000 Oh, fuck you. 1.00

02:55:09.000 Yeah, there's some really good ones. 1.00

02:55:11.000 This is really, this guy I go to, I mean, you hear him talk, you think he's gonna be annoying. 0.86

02:55:17.000 He's got pierced nipples, the whole deal.

02:55:19.000 But he's really sincere.

02:55:21.000 He's really into it. 0.99

02:55:22.000 He's so gay. 1.00

02:55:23.000 He's so gay, it's like oozing when he talks. 1.00

02:55:26.000 But, you know, he's just so gay. 1.00

02:55:28.000 I already know what that means. 0.99

02:55:29.000 The way it's so gay. 1.00

02:55:31.000 Like, the way he talks, we're here. 0.91

02:55:33.000 We're here.

02:55:35.000 You're supposed to be here.

02:55:37.000 Let it go.

02:55:38.000 But that's who he is.

02:55:40.000 Like, he's comfortable.

02:55:41.000 He's who he is, and I love his class.

02:55:43.000 Well, that's the thing, is if it's genuine, then it becomes this great thing.

02:55:51.000 It's who he is. 0.99

02:55:54.000 It's like, whoever the fuck you are, if that's who you are, I like it. 1.00

02:55:59.000 I don't want you to try to sell me on who you are. 1.00

02:56:04.000 Like, the guy with the love-making talk.

02:56:05.000 That goes the last two hours of this podcast.

02:56:10.000 The selling you on who they are is where it gets really gross, pretending to be something they're not.

02:56:15.000 I mean, I like flaws.

02:56:18.000 We all have them.

02:56:18.000 It's good.

02:56:21.000 My favorite people are all flawed.

02:56:24.000 I don't mind.

02:56:25.000 And it's not even that that guy was flawed.

02:56:27.000 He was just...

02:56:29.000 Normally, you would think if a guy was talking like that, teaching a yoga class, this is not going to be fun.

02:56:36.000 But it was great.

02:56:37.000 Yeah.

02:56:38.000 There's a lot of people that are really good at it, man.

02:56:40.000 It's just finding them, you know?

02:56:41.000 So the place that I go to, I just look at the schedule.

02:56:44.000 I'm like, oh, that's a good one.

02:56:46.000 I'll take her class.

02:56:47.000 I like him.

02:56:48.000 He's fun.

02:56:49.000 Yeah.

02:56:50.000 And there's this one dude, he had his weird tattoos.

02:56:53.000 Like, real strange.

02:56:55.000 It always has to be clean, too, because there's so much sweating going on.

02:56:58.000 I hate when you go, like those hot yoga classes, there's just no way to get this.

02:57:01.000 The floors were sweating.

02:57:03.000 Like, there's just no way to...

02:57:04.000 He's got to accept it.

02:57:06.000 It's so good for your body.

02:57:07.000 It's so good for your stretching, too, because you can get into positions when you're doing hot yoga that you're not going to get into, and it's like really stretching that tissue out and extending your range of motion.

02:57:17.000 I love it. 0.96

02:57:20.000 I'm a fucking evangelist for it, though. 0.99

02:57:21.000 I tell so many people to do it. 0.99

02:57:23.000 A lot of people have listened, but more people just get annoyed. 0.96

02:57:25.000 Well, I love that when you guys do the Sober October, you know, and I watch Segura and fucking Kreischer dry out, and like three weeks in, they start looking like movie stars and shit. 0.97

02:57:38.000 That's always... 0.91

02:57:39.000 Well, when we did the fitness one, we did one Sober October fitness challenge.

02:57:42.000 We all wore these straps and we had to compete to see who can get the most fitness points and stuff like that. 0.99

02:57:49.000 Ari got a fucking six pack. 1.00

02:57:51.000 Like, Ari got shredded. 1.00

02:57:53.000 Like, he doesn't even work out.

02:57:54.000 Before that, he was never working out.

02:57:56.000 And over the course of the month, by the end of the month, he had a legit six pack.

02:58:00.000 And he looked great.

02:58:01.000 But he's always pretty wiry, though.

02:58:03.000 Yeah, pretty thin.

02:58:04.000 Yeah.

02:58:05.000 He got fat at one point in time because he was eating nothing but candy.

02:58:08.000 He was literally eating candy all day long. 0.99

02:58:10.000 He always had a bag of gummy bears with him and shit like that. 0.99

02:58:14.000 I don't know if I still have the message. 0.97

02:58:16.000 When we're done with this, I got to play the message.

02:58:18.000 Him congratulating me on having a kid. 0.96

02:58:20.000 It's so fucking funny. 0.99

02:58:20.000 It's so arty. 0.99

02:58:23.000 But yeah, he dried out with that.

02:58:27.000 He never gained it back, but he never had that six-pack again.

02:58:31.000 He was shredded.

02:58:32.000 Because he was super competitive.

02:58:34.000 He was really trying to win.

02:58:35.000 It was really interesting.

02:58:37.000 It was interesting to watch.

02:58:38.000 And I liked how Burt would do it, too.

02:58:40.000 Where Burt would have like...

02:58:42.000 He would always have like a crazy build-up that was totally against...

02:58:49.000 He told me this story... 0.98

02:58:52.000 About him running the fucking LA Marathon and like drinking the night before. 1.00

02:58:57.000 It's just like, dude, you could have fucking died. 1.00

02:59:00.000 Not only that, he never really trained for it. 1.00

02:59:03.000 But he's mentally strong.

02:59:06.000 He just got himself from this mindset of put one foot in front of the other and I am not stopping until I get to the finish line.

02:59:15.000 26 miles. 1.00

02:59:16.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:59:16.000 It's a fucking hell of a haul for a fat guy. 1.00

02:59:19.000 He did it. 1.00

02:59:20.000 Yeah.

02:59:22.000 You won't catch me doing that.

02:59:23.000 No?

02:59:23.000 No marathon running?

02:59:24.000 No.

02:59:25.000 Do you ever run at all?

02:59:28.000 No, I used to ride a bike.

02:59:32.000 I did that for a while.

02:59:34.000 I got so into it.

02:59:36.000 I remember one time, I actually was drinking in the afternoon, and I still had to go on a bike ride. 0.99

02:59:40.000 I got on a bike, shit-faced. 0.99

02:59:42.000 It was sweating. 0.99

02:59:44.000 This was the 80s, too. 0.99

02:59:45.000 No helmet, no nothing, and just fucking rode like 12 miles. 0.98

02:59:53.000 And I never had heard the expression. 0.99

02:59:55.000 I never felt hitting a wall.

02:59:58.000 Like whatever the electrolytes or there was just nothing left.

03:00:02.000 And I was like six miles away. 0.95

03:00:05.000 This is the East Coast, so there's all kinds of hills and shit from my house. 0.95

03:00:08.000 And I was like, I don't think... 0.96

03:00:11.000 What am I going to do?

03:00:12.000 And there was no cell phones.

03:00:13.000 Like, what am I going to do?

03:00:14.000 So I just kept riding.

03:00:17.000 And then it was like this five-minute, like, I'm going to die.

03:00:20.000 I'm not going to get through this.

03:00:21.000 And then I just got to the other side where I think my body was just like, all right, there must be something...

03:00:27.000 Like, death must be chasing us, so we need to go into something else here.

03:00:31.000 And I pushed through into that.

03:00:34.000 That's what they say happens when you do those ultra-marathons.

03:00:36.000 Those people, they get to a point where they think there's no way they can keep going.

03:00:39.000 They're doing 100 miles, and they're 38 miles in, and they're ready to quit.

03:00:43.000 But they just manage to just keep left, right, left, right, left, right.

03:00:47.000 And eventually you get into a zone, and you cross the finish line.

03:00:52.000 20 hours later.

03:00:53.000 Hey, God bless him. 0.99

03:00:54.000 Now that's, that I would just say, well that, you have all the people handing you cups of shit and you can just tap out. 0.99

03:00:59.000 Yeah, you gotta eat. 0.96

03:01:00.000 There's a lot of things you have to do in those, those 24 hour races, you have to eat.

03:01:04.000 Like you run dry, it's not like a regular marathon.

03:01:08.000 Yeah, no, I'm not.

03:01:09.000 Yeah.

03:01:10.000 Those triathlons.

03:01:11.000 Bill Burr, this has been a great therapy session.

03:01:13.000 Thank you.

03:01:15.000 I'm excited about your movie.

03:01:16.000 F is for Family season four coming out tomorrow.

03:01:18.000 I don't know how you have time to do that. 0.99

03:01:19.000 How the fuck do you have time to do F is for Family as well as stand up, as well as all the other shit you do, play the drums? 1.00

03:01:26.000 Delegation. 1.00

03:01:27.000 Yeah.

03:01:27.000 You surround yourself with super talented people.

03:01:31.000 You do your job.

03:01:32.000 They do their job.

03:01:33.000 And you're able to do that.

03:01:38.000 I'm able to do it.

03:01:38.000 But I needed this break though.

03:01:41.000 I'm not going to lie to you.

03:01:42.000 I needed it too.

03:01:43.000 I didn't think I needed it.

03:01:44.000 I thought it was fine. 0.98

03:01:45.000 But now I am like fucking chomping at the bit to get back on stage. 0.98

03:01:49.000 Me too. 0.98

03:01:50.000 I can't wait. 1.00

03:01:50.000 And I miss hearing people laughing and hanging with comics and hearing the crazy shit they say. 1.00

03:01:55.000 Next time I see you, I hope it's at the store. 0.99

03:01:57.000 Yes.

03:01:57.000 Or the Troubadour.

03:01:58.000 The Troubadour.

03:01:59.000 Either one.

03:01:59.000 Either or.

03:02:00.000 I'm in.

03:02:00.000 Bill Burr, ladies and gentlemen.

03:02:02.000 Thank you so much.

03:02:02.000 Bye, brother.

03:02:03.000 All right.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 12, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1491 - Bill Burr

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