The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1495 - Kyle Dunnigan

00:00:01.000 Kyle Dunnigan smoking marijuana.

00:00:02.000 This is dangerous.

00:00:04.000 Is it?

00:00:04.000 You're gonna go crazy.

00:00:05.000 Yes! 0.92

00:00:05.000 You think? 0.92

00:00:06.000 Don't you watch those movies?

00:00:08.000 Oh, I forgot about that. 0.74

00:00:09.000 Yeah, pot drugs will make you crazy. 1.00

00:00:11.000 They'll make you nuts. 0.75

00:00:12.000 Are you talking about those old videos, the old-timey black and white where they literally have- Reef of Madness.

00:00:16.000 Yeah.

00:00:17.000 Yeah.

00:00:17.000 Do you know where those were funded by?

00:00:20.000 Who?

00:00:21.000 William Randolph Hearst.

00:00:23.000 Was that right? 1.00

00:00:23.000 Yeah, that piece of shit. 1.00

00:00:24.000 He was a piece of shit, right? 1.00

00:00:26.000 Rosebud. 1.00

00:00:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:00:27.000 And his daughter brought a gun into a bank.

00:00:30.000 Wow.

00:00:31.000 Why?

00:00:31.000 Maybe she wanted to protect her money.

00:00:32.000 She's rich as fuck. 1.00

00:00:33.000 It's not like she's robbing the place. 1.00

00:00:34.000 Do I have the wrong person?

00:00:35.000 Patty Hearst.

00:00:36.000 That's right.

00:00:36.000 Patty Hearst.

00:00:37.000 Yeah.

00:00:37.000 Must be related, right?

00:00:38.000 What is she, the granddaughter?

00:00:40.000 I think she's the granddaughter because she's too young to be the daughter. 0.84

00:00:42.000 I like that we have no information.

00:00:44.000 Let's go with it.

00:00:44.000 We have none.

00:00:45.000 But let's broadcast it to millions.

00:00:47.000 Write this down, kids.

00:00:49.000 Get a pen.

00:00:50.000 Yeah.

00:00:51.000 Yeah.

00:00:51.000 Patty Hearst.

00:00:52.000 That's an interesting story.

00:00:53.000 Well, William Randolph Hearst is also the reason why there's wild pigs in California.

00:00:58.000 Why is that? 1.00

00:00:59.000 Because that asshole brought them to his ranch. 1.00

00:01:01.000 He wanted to have a menagerie. 1.00

00:01:03.000 I think that's the correct term.

00:01:04.000 Menagerie of animals. 0.99

00:01:05.000 He's a nutty person.

00:01:07.000 You could visit Hearst Castle. 0.96

00:01:08.000 It's this crazy place.

00:01:09.000 Yeah.

00:01:10.000 Yeah.

00:01:10.000 I want to go there.

00:01:11.000 So Northern California has kind of an infestation of wild pigs, and it's directly because of William Randolph Hearst. 0.99

00:01:18.000 The pigs that left his compound just started fucking and running through the woods. 0.99

00:01:18.000 Really? 0.99

00:01:22.000 There it is.

00:01:23.000 That's the place.

00:01:24.000 I feel like you could solve that, the bow and arrow.

00:01:27.000 No, it's very hard to solve. 0.93

00:01:29.000 Wild pigs are the hardest animal to solve in terms of invasive species because they fuck like crazy and they breed like three times a year.

00:01:38.000 So one pig can have like three litters in a year. 1.00

00:01:42.000 Pigs love to fuck. 1.00

00:01:43.000 They love it. 1.00

00:01:44.000 I've always said that. 1.00

00:01:44.000 They're dirty pigs. 1.00

00:01:45.000 There's something in Hawaii where they had some infestation and they brought in this other animal to get it, but they brought the wrong... 1.00

00:01:51.000 Animal, and then that became the infestation.

00:01:53.000 Again, something I don't have enough information about.

00:01:55.000 Yeah, I think you're incorrect about that.

00:01:58.000 Because for something that could kill pigs, it would have to be a big predator, like a cat. 0.60

00:02:02.000 Oh, no, this wasn't pigs.

00:02:03.000 This was like a different infestation.

00:02:05.000 Why?

00:02:05.000 It was slightly related to your story.

00:02:10.000 Well, I know they did that in Australia. 0.99

00:02:12.000 Australia fucked themselves up hardcore. 1.00

00:02:15.000 They brought in animals to kill animals, and those animals wound up running amok and killing everything. 1.00

00:02:19.000 That's what always seems to happen.

00:02:20.000 Yeah.

00:02:20.000 They brought in cats, like house cats.

00:02:22.000 They have an infestation of wild house cats in Australia.

00:02:25.000 Well, it's kind of cute, though.

00:02:27.000 I mean, it's better than...

00:02:27.000 But it's sick, because bow hunters are, like, paid to hunt cats.

00:02:33.000 Like, people are paid bounties for house cats.

00:02:35.000 So in Australian hunting magazines, you'll see guys holding up a house cat...

00:02:39.000 What do you get per cat?

00:02:40.000 I don't think you get a lot.

00:02:43.000 Can't live off your cat?

00:02:46.000 It's not like beaver pelts or anything like that where it's really valuable.

00:02:49.000 How high is this going to make?

00:02:51.000 Super high.

00:02:51.000 We're already gone.

00:02:52.000 We're already gone.

00:02:53.000 Really?

00:02:53.000 I hit it four times, man.

00:02:54.000 I'm already not starting off with a lot of IQ points.

00:02:57.000 I can't...

00:02:58.000 We don't need IQ points.

00:02:59.000 We're spitting facts, son!

00:03:01.000 Yeah!

00:03:02.000 About wild animals. 1.00

00:03:03.000 Fucking wild cats. 1.00

00:03:04.000 You're the one who told me about the mustard weed. 1.00

00:03:07.000 And once you said that, I can't not see mustard weed.

00:03:10.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:03:10.000 I think it came from Russia.

00:03:12.000 That crazy, beautiful, yellow weed that covers the hills in California.

00:03:15.000 It's really pretty.

00:03:17.000 It looks awesome.

00:03:18.000 I thought it was pretty until you told me it was a weed.

00:03:20.000 Now I think it looks gross.

00:03:21.000 Isn't that weird?

00:03:22.000 You call one plant one thing, another plant. 1.00

00:03:24.000 It's a fucking plant. 1.00

00:03:25.000 You know, like, we're really racist with plants. 1.00

00:03:28.000 We are.

00:03:28.000 We're plantists.

00:03:29.000 You know, we're plantists.

00:03:30.000 So if you see, like, a beautiful green grass, but it's got some weird, like, daisies popping up, people get mad at those daisies.

00:03:37.000 They're nice. 0.99

00:03:38.000 Fucking daisies ruining my grass. 0.99

00:03:39.000 They'll go pluck them. 1.00

00:03:40.000 Rip them out of their life. 1.00

00:03:41.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:03:42.000 You're not what I want. 1.00

00:03:43.000 Yeah, they're very...

00:03:44.000 I have a bunch...

00:03:45.000 What's that?

00:03:46.000 They want uniform.

00:03:47.000 Just all the grass.

00:03:48.000 Right, right, right.

00:03:48.000 Isn't that a weird thing that we do a lawn?

00:03:50.000 A lawn is a weird thing.

00:03:51.000 How so?

00:03:52.000 We're controlling nature on a large scale in our own community, our own little yard.

00:03:58.000 We have a little spot and we lock it down.

00:04:00.000 We want that grass nice.

00:04:01.000 We want that grass nice and cut and clean.

00:04:04.000 It's a thing.

00:04:05.000 People sit back.

00:04:06.000 What is happening with grass?

00:04:08.000 When you see grass, why does it make you feel so good?

00:04:10.000 I don't play golf, but I feel good when I see a golf course.

00:04:14.000 I see all that green, like, oh, that's nice.

00:04:16.000 I guess it is.

00:04:17.000 It's uniform.

00:04:18.000 You could walk on it.

00:04:19.000 There's no danger.

00:04:20.000 It's nice for your feet. 1.00

00:04:21.000 But it's also, you controlled that shit. 0.99

00:04:24.000 Like, men took that grass and bend it to their will. 1.00

00:04:29.000 Yeah, that feels good.

00:04:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:31.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:04:32.000 Only grass. 1.00

00:04:32.000 Yeah, fuck you. 1.00

00:04:33.000 Fuck you, trees. 1.00

00:04:34.000 You ever go weeding? 1.00

00:04:36.000 Yeah, fuck trees. 1.00

00:04:39.000 People chop trees down. 1.00

00:04:40.000 Fuck off, tree. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:42.000 I don't want you there.

00:04:43.000 Is that the manless job of a lumberjack?

00:04:45.000 Oh, for sure.

00:04:46.000 How many chick lumberjacks are there? 1.00

00:04:48.000 Three.

00:04:49.000 Those gotta be the toughest women on the planet. 1.00

00:04:51.000 Lumberjack chicks? 1.00

00:04:52.000 It's like female MMA fighters like Amanda Nunes and then lumberjack chicks. 1.00

00:04:57.000 After the chainsaw, though, it's a little bit like... 0.99

00:05:01.000 It's still dangerous as fuck. 0.99

00:05:03.000 You gotta do it right. 0.99

00:05:04.000 Things go wrong all the time.

00:05:05.000 People get hit with trees.

00:05:07.000 We've talked about everything I don't know anything about.

00:05:09.000 I don't know what I'm talking about.

00:05:09.000 Me too.

00:05:10.000 Maybe people never get hit by trees.

00:05:12.000 I'm pretty sure they do, though.

00:05:13.000 I think it's actually pretty safe.

00:05:15.000 It turns out lumberjacks never die.

00:05:17.000 They live older than everybody.

00:05:18.000 No, I think they die all the time. 0.99

00:05:20.000 I think, well, if you see a fucking tree, like a big-ass oak tree, my god, that's a lot of weight. 0.99

00:05:28.000 That thing could crush you so easy. 0.99

00:05:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:30.000 If you fuck up and it takes a bounce and it hits somebody or, I mean, I don't know how you chop trees down. 0.99

00:05:30.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:05:35.000 But you're just dealing with so much weight.

00:05:37.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:05:38.000 I can imagine, like, if someone fucked... 1.00

00:05:39.000 Like, if you don't know what you're doing, you're an asshole, and you just bought a plot of land, I'm gonna be a farmer! 1.00

00:05:43.000 And you start fucking chopping down trees by yourself. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:46.000 You could kill yourself. 1.00

00:05:47.000 Easy. 1.00

00:05:48.000 You gotta do the wedge.

00:05:50.000 I know what I'm talking about.

00:05:51.000 I don't know what I'm talking about either, but they do have a method to it.

00:05:54.000 But I wonder how many women... 1.00

00:05:56.000 That would be a crazy reality show.

00:05:59.000 They probably have already done it.

00:06:00.000 Yeah.

00:06:00.000 Female lumberjacks.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, they do that weird thing where they climb a pole real quick.

00:06:06.000 They do lumberjack contests.

00:06:08.000 Yeah, I remember those.

00:06:10.000 You run on a log.

00:06:11.000 Yeah, yeah, in the water, right?

00:06:12.000 That comes up a lot when you're crossing a stream.

00:06:16.000 That's a lumberjill lumberjack.

00:06:18.000 Oh! 0.60

00:06:18.000 Is that what they call them? 0.60

00:06:19.000 I just looked it up.

00:06:20.000 Oh, okay.

00:06:21.000 I don't need to be disrespectful. 1.00

00:06:22.000 I just talk a lot of shit. 0.99

00:06:24.000 Not a lot of guys wanting the lumberjill... 1.00

00:06:28.000 Calendar.

00:06:29.000 You know what I mean?

00:06:30.000 Right.

00:06:31.000 Right.

00:06:31.000 Maybe.

00:06:32.000 Lumberjack.

00:06:33.000 Oh, there they are. 0.98

00:06:34.000 Some big-ass women. 1.00

00:06:36.000 Big, strong women that'll fuck you up. 1.00

00:06:38.000 You like a strong woman, Joe? 1.00

00:06:40.000 Hell yeah.

00:06:40.000 A big, shouldered?

00:06:41.000 I don't want to check if you can't carry things.

00:06:43.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:06:44.000 These are girls that are throwing axes and shit. 1.00

00:06:46.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:06:47.000 Yeah.

00:06:49.000 Yeah, that's a tough stock.

00:06:50.000 If you wanted to make like a warrior child, you find one of them women. 1.00

00:06:53.000 Yeah, they can get through a winter.

00:06:54.000 Hell yeah.

00:06:55.000 Yeah, they can walk to the road.

00:06:58.000 Did you find a Lumberjill TV show?

00:07:01.000 I think he did. 0.99

00:07:03.000 See, we just took a guess and there's a fucking show about it. 0.97

00:07:06.000 There's a show about everything. 0.97

00:07:07.000 You know, there's like a fun game you could play where, like, try to name and come up with an app that doesn't exist.

00:07:13.000 And it's actually going really hard.

00:07:15.000 Oh my god.

00:07:15.000 I would imagine there's a bunch of wizards, like really smart kids, sitting around trying to do that right now.

00:07:20.000 Yeah.

00:07:21.000 I didn't take the picture with the sword.

00:07:23.000 Is that the end?

00:07:24.000 You can take a picture with a sword.

00:07:25.000 Awesome.

00:07:26.000 And don't you have like this like whiskey you give everybody?

00:07:29.000 Do you want some whiskey?

00:07:30.000 Is this too much?

00:07:30.000 No.

00:07:31.000 Sure.

00:07:31.000 No.

00:07:32.000 A little bit.

00:07:32.000 Come on, Kyle.

00:07:33.000 I haven't seen you in forever, man.

00:07:34.000 I know.

00:07:34.000 With the Comedy Store embargo, it's just beautiful to be in the room with you.

00:07:37.000 I know.

00:07:37.000 It actually is really nice to be with humans.

00:07:39.000 It's fun!

00:07:40.000 Oh, it's so nice to be with comics.

00:07:42.000 Yeah.

00:07:43.000 Doug Stanhope said this best, and I quote him all the time, but it really is a great quote.

00:07:47.000 He said, I could quit comedy, but I couldn't quit comics.

00:07:49.000 Oh, that's nice.

00:07:50.000 Yeah.

00:07:51.000 When I'm around normies?

00:07:54.000 Yeah, normies.

00:07:54.000 Normies.

00:07:55.000 I started dating.

00:07:58.000 This was my big year to date.

00:07:59.000 I've been focusing on career stuff, whatever.

00:08:02.000 And I'm like, I'm gonna date in 2020. Wow.

00:08:05.000 This is my big year.

00:08:06.000 And then the COVID. Yeah.

00:08:07.000 But I got on apps and I met a couple of girls I was chatting with. 0.71

00:08:10.000 Bored out of my...

00:08:11.000 I mean, sweet, nice people.

00:08:12.000 But just when you don't know someone, it's not gonna have to do with them being a comic.

00:08:16.000 It's like, if you've never met them, you're not, you know, hooking up and having dinner or whatever.

00:08:21.000 Just to talk to a stranger on the phone about their cat, it's...

00:08:24.000 I had to end all that.

00:08:27.000 Some people don't know what it sounds like when they talk.

00:08:31.000 They just drone on.

00:08:33.000 And they don't seem to know.

00:08:35.000 And you're like, oh my god, you're killing me.

00:08:37.000 You're not even paying attention to that.

00:08:39.000 I can't take what you're saying.

00:08:40.000 Yeah, read the room.

00:08:41.000 You just blah blah blah blah. 1.00

00:08:43.000 Some people just have some shit in their head and they're gonna get it out. 1.00

00:08:46.000 They're gonna vomit it out onto your ears. 1.00

00:08:48.000 It's abuse.

00:08:50.000 Does it feel like abuse?

00:08:52.000 It doesn't matter how long it takes.

00:08:54.000 Yeah, it's all coming out. 1.00

00:08:54.000 And they're gonna repeat themselves, and they're gonna make a big deal out of shit that's not a big deal, and you're gonna want to run through a fucking wall. 1.00

00:09:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:02.000 But you gotta listen to all that nonsense.

00:09:03.000 Why is it so maddening?

00:09:04.000 It feels like your life is passing you by and you're dying.

00:09:07.000 Well, it is maddening, but the good thing is, what it really does, I'm a bright side of the, what is it?

00:09:14.000 What's that expression?

00:09:15.000 The bright side of the coin, I believe it is.

00:09:16.000 That's not a real expression.

00:09:18.000 I mixed up my expressions.

00:09:20.000 The glasses came down.

00:09:22.000 I'm a glass half full person.

00:09:23.000 The glass half full of coins.

00:09:24.000 I don't know.

00:09:27.000 This is the good stuff, right?

00:09:28.000 This is the good stuff.

00:09:29.000 Buffalo Trace.

00:09:31.000 Someone's got to put a little cap on me.

00:09:34.000 Dude, I'm so hot.

00:09:35.000 I forgot what we were talking about.

00:09:37.000 No, I feel bad for any listener.

00:09:39.000 We want to make a public apology.

00:09:40.000 Yeah, already we fucked this thing up.

00:09:42.000 We're both having trouble thinking.

00:09:43.000 To 2020. To 2021. The greatest year of all.

00:09:47.000 What do they call it?

00:09:48.000 A mulligan?

00:09:49.000 Those dudes who play golf?

00:09:50.000 Oh, do you get another one?

00:09:51.000 What's a mulligan mean?

00:09:53.000 You get a do-over.

00:09:55.000 Let's just scratch this whole year.

00:09:57.000 I like to toast to things people don't agree with.

00:09:57.000 That'd be great.

00:10:00.000 Like at the last minute, they've already come in and you should be like, to 9-11!

00:10:02.000 And then you've already clinked.

00:10:04.000 How rude.

00:10:05.000 I know.

00:10:05.000 I think there's going to be a lot of good that comes out of this year.

00:10:08.000 I really do.

00:10:09.000 I like talking about positive stuff.

00:10:11.000 What are you thinking?

00:10:12.000 Well, I think people are realizing that society...

00:10:16.000 And civilization hangs on by a thread in some cases.

00:10:19.000 And when a series of events can happen, it can derail our life radically.

00:10:25.000 And I don't think people were really aware that that was possible before.

00:10:29.000 I think there's a lot of things going on.

00:10:31.000 There's a lot of competing mindsets and competing ideologies, and there's a lot of anger going on in the world right now. 0.98

00:10:38.000 And then there's this fucking fear that comes with a pandemic. 0.98

00:10:42.000 Pandemics ramp up everything. 0.99

00:10:45.000 This is how you have to think about it.

00:10:46.000 We're thinking about it as just a pandemic, but it's also there's a mind disease, like a fear disease that's sweeping through the land, too.

00:10:55.000 And I feel like your resources are being used up in so many different directions that it's like you're a little overrun.

00:11:04.000 It's one of the reasons why people are reacting so violently to things lately.

00:11:08.000 Everything is just ramped up.

00:11:10.000 And I feel like...

00:11:13.000 There's like a certain level of other things that you can tolerate in your life when you have so many things compounding and piling on top of each other.

00:11:23.000 It's like the reason why they say that people get road rage is because it's not just you're in a car and someone does something stupid, but your senses are heightened because you know you're going 60 miles an hour.

00:11:34.000 So you're very aware.

00:11:35.000 It's a very different feeling.

00:11:36.000 I didn't even consider that when I first heard about... 1.00

00:11:39.000 I thought road rage was just people being a pussy. 1.00

00:11:41.000 Like you're being mean while you're locked in this little box because you know nobody can say anything to you. 1.00

00:11:47.000 But it's not just that.

00:11:48.000 It's fear. 1.00

00:11:49.000 Because you're fucking driving fast and it's like if everybody fucks up, if someone's texting and they're going into your lane, you could die. 0.99

00:11:56.000 So because of that, because we have this in our head, it causes us to be like extra ramped up. 0.99

00:12:02.000 And I think that's how we are right now with everything.

00:12:04.000 Because of COVID, even if you don't have COVID, even if you're not worried about COVID, what it's done is it's made everybody ramp up.

00:12:10.000 So everybody's almost got road rage.

00:12:12.000 So everybody is like a little bit more stressed out than they've ever been before.

00:12:16.000 A little bit more ramped up and everything gets exaggerated and everything gets blown out.

00:12:19.000 And there's so many more instances Of scary things that you're being seen in the news, and so few instances of really nice things. 0.98

00:12:28.000 And it's like, fuck, what a weird combination of things to try to manage. 0.97

00:12:33.000 Yeah, I've never raged before in my life. 0.99

00:12:36.000 Like, screamed and raged.

00:12:38.000 And then when this thing happened, it took me where I had a few times where I raged.

00:12:43.000 It's understandable.

00:12:45.000 It's totally understandable.

00:12:46.000 Yeah, but it's totally understandable.

00:12:48.000 I mean, we're all expected to manage our energy and our anxiety and we're expected to do it perfectly. 0.98

00:12:56.000 We're expected to be exactly who we were four or five months ago before all this shit happened. 0.99

00:13:01.000 I think that's crazy. 0.98

00:13:02.000 I think people are under like mad fucking weird stress that we've never experienced before. 0.93

00:13:07.000 Right. 0.88

00:13:08.000 The economic stress, the stress of the virus, I think we just need to fucking make a collective global effort, a collected effort to just be nicer to each other. 0.63

00:13:18.000 I think it's possible.

00:13:19.000 I think we can realize that, yeah, look what can happen.

00:13:22.000 Look how sideways everything can get.

00:13:25.000 We just get lost and go in the woods.

00:13:28.000 Or, let's work together.

00:13:30.000 It's like, what do you want?

00:13:31.000 Don't you want nice neighbors?

00:13:32.000 I want nice neighbors.

00:13:33.000 So if I want nice neighbors, don't I want a whole nice city?

00:13:36.000 Don't I want a whole nice community?

00:13:38.000 Don't I want a whole nice country?

00:13:39.000 Why is that impossible?

00:13:41.000 It feels like people aren't communicating well recently.

00:13:44.000 Or hearing each other.

00:13:46.000 I think some people are trying.

00:13:46.000 Some people are trying.

00:13:47.000 It's just that it's hard to do.

00:13:48.000 There's too much of our time is spent communicating on social media stuff.

00:13:53.000 It's too much time.

00:13:55.000 It's too one-dimensional and it's too frequent.

00:13:58.000 So it's too many interactions where you're not getting real Real human feedback.

00:14:04.000 You're not getting real love.

00:14:06.000 You're not getting real friendship.

00:14:07.000 You're talking just to the ether.

00:14:09.000 Like you're typing things into glass and you know on the other end someone's gonna interpret it.

00:14:14.000 Yeah.

00:14:14.000 But it's just the worst way to communicate and that's most of what people are doing today.

00:14:20.000 So the most ineffective, unemotional, unconnecting way to communicate is the most common.

00:14:26.000 Right. 1.00

00:14:27.000 And that's why we're acting like fucking nuts. 1.00

00:14:29.000 That's part of it. 0.99

00:14:30.000 Do you think we can back off that?

00:14:32.000 Yes.

00:14:33.000 How do you back off that?

00:14:34.000 Gotta get a flip phone.

00:14:38.000 That's been the problem the whole time.

00:14:39.000 Flip phones just have to get better text recognition software or voice-to-text recognition software so you can just talk your messages into a flip phone.

00:14:49.000 So all anybody can do is text you and call you.

00:14:51.000 Just leave me off of everything else.

00:14:54.000 Group text.

00:14:56.000 People are just too worked up.

00:14:58.000 They're too worked up about everything.

00:15:00.000 Some things they should be worked up about, but the problem is there's no balance.

00:15:04.000 Because it's almost all the stuff that they're angry about, because that's what they want to text and tweet and Facebook about, and very little of the stuff.

00:15:11.000 Like, what's the ratio of, like, really cool stories that make you feel good to, like, another horror in the news?

00:15:18.000 What's the ratio?

00:15:20.000 90-something to one.

00:15:21.000 90-something to one.

00:15:22.000 There's a new one. 1.00

00:15:23.000 There's a cloud of dust that's coming from Africa across the fucking ocean. 1.00

00:15:27.000 It's gonna wipe us out. 1.00

00:15:29.000 Really?

00:15:29.000 This year is like the devil scripted this entire year.

00:15:32.000 What does this do? 0.97

00:15:34.000 African dust. 1.00

00:15:35.000 I don't know, man.

00:15:36.000 I didn't know dust could fly that far, all the way across the ocean.

00:15:39.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:15:40.000 Where is it right now? 0.99

00:15:42.000 We're at DEFCON 5 or some shit. 0.74

00:15:44.000 What happens? 0.98

00:15:45.000 I don't know.

00:15:47.000 I don't know.

00:15:48.000 I just read it.

00:15:49.000 I was like, oh my god.

00:15:50.000 And they said Yellowstone's ready to blow.

00:15:51.000 That scares me the most.

00:15:54.000 The most!

00:15:55.000 We're pretending.

00:15:56.000 We're over here pretending that this is all permanent.

00:15:59.000 It happens a few times a year.

00:16:01.000 Does it really?

00:16:02.000 It's fairly common.

00:16:03.000 But what does it do?

00:16:04.000 Is this blown out of proportion for the news?

00:16:06.000 I think just the headline sounds crazy.

00:16:08.000 The headline sounds terrible.

00:16:09.000 The one I found says it's a silver lining, so it's actually kind of maybe a good thing.

00:16:13.000 It signifies a very dry layer in the atmosphere.

00:16:17.000 And hurricanes don't like dry air.

00:16:19.000 So why protect against hurricanes?

00:16:20.000 Oh, well that's good.

00:16:22.000 Oh, see?

00:16:22.000 Okay.

00:16:23.000 We jumped the gun.

00:16:25.000 That was a great story.

00:16:27.000 How about that?

00:16:28.000 How about hurricanes? 0.99

00:16:29.000 How about the fact that every fucking year the sky becomes a monster and eats people? 1.00

00:16:36.000 It fucking throws cars through the air and shit. 1.00

00:16:38.000 Every year it happens. 1.00

00:16:39.000 And it's getting worse, right?

00:16:41.000 And the fire's getting worse, right?

00:16:43.000 See, they say that, and it makes sense that it's getting worse.

00:16:46.000 And this is not an excuse for, like, the carbon emissions.

00:16:50.000 This makes it sound way worse.

00:16:51.000 Oh my god, an enormous cloud of dust from Africa, Sahara, appears to be heading for Texas, Louisiana, and Florida. 0.99

00:16:57.000 It's like it's a missile.

00:16:58.000 And then they show a dust storm, like, taking over a city.

00:17:01.000 Oh my god, is that really what it was like?

00:17:03.000 I don't think so.

00:17:04.000 I mean, that's not what the other article I just read.

00:17:05.000 Show that video, though.

00:17:06.000 What does it say?

00:17:07.000 Massive dust storm turns the sky red in Sundanese capital.

00:17:12.000 Somewhere way far away from that.

00:17:13.000 Oh my god, man, look at that.

00:17:14.000 That was in Mission Impossible 4, I think.

00:17:17.000 Was it?

00:17:18.000 Yeah, he was on that sky rise.

00:17:20.000 He got caught in the dust storm?

00:17:21.000 And that was coming, yeah.

00:17:22.000 Dude, imagine living there and seeing that coming.

00:17:25.000 You're like, oh my god, I'm gonna be breathing dirt for the next hour.

00:17:29.000 Like, how long does it last?

00:17:33.000 How long does a dust storm last?

00:17:35.000 Do you imagine living there, man?

00:17:37.000 You gotta go to the grocery store, and you're literally walking through a dust storm, so you're dressed like one of them dudes from Lord of the Rings.

00:17:44.000 Right, right. 1.00

00:17:45.000 You dress fucking scarves across your face. 1.00

00:17:47.000 No, the guys in Star Wars. 1.00

00:17:49.000 What are they called?

00:17:51.000 No, the ones who lived in the dirt, in the sand people. 1.00

00:17:55.000 Sand people, yeah. 0.99

00:17:56.000 I don't think that was their name.

00:17:58.000 There's also the little ones.

00:17:59.000 You talking about the little ones?

00:18:00.000 Those were the...

00:18:00.000 Yeah, there was a bunch of them.

00:18:01.000 Ah, damn it. 1.00

00:18:02.000 But those sand people. 1.00

00:18:04.000 No, Ewoks were the fluffy ones.

00:18:05.000 But who were the sand people? 1.00

00:18:06.000 The Tusken Raiders.

00:18:07.000 Yeah, maybe that's it.

00:18:08.000 The Tusken Raiders.

00:18:11.000 I think that's it.

00:18:12.000 They're called Jawas.

00:18:13.000 They're called Jawas.

00:18:14.000 Are they?

00:18:15.000 Yes.

00:18:15.000 That sounds right.

00:18:16.000 I'm going to go with Jawa. 0.99

00:18:19.000 I believe you.

00:18:19.000 I think we should do a whole podcast of things we kind of know about.

00:18:24.000 We're already doing it.

00:18:26.000 We're already doing it.

00:18:27.000 I don't think, man, I mean, look, there's no way that the weather just stays the same.

00:18:33.000 It doesn't stay the same.

00:18:34.000 It's never stayed the same.

00:18:35.000 It doesn't, but we have to listen to climatologists.

00:18:37.000 100%.

00:18:38.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:18:39.000 I don't know why it drives me nuts, but I just...

00:18:41.000 But this is my point of view, legitimately.

00:18:44.000 We have a bigger concern.

00:18:45.000 One of the bigger concerns is we're not prepared if anything goes sideways.

00:18:48.000 And that's what we're finding from this COVID thing.

00:18:51.000 We're not really prepared if things go sideways.

00:18:53.000 Yeah.

00:18:54.000 And we definitely should be protecting against the human impact on the climate change.

00:19:01.000 It's real. 0.96

00:19:01.000 We really have fucked up the earth. 0.96

00:19:03.000 However, even if we didn't fuck it up, this place is so unstable. 0.98

00:19:10.000 Even if it wasn't us, the asteroids, the hurricanes that just exist and have always existed, earthquakes.

00:19:17.000 We just don't live long enough to see enough of these to be scared of them. 0.65

00:19:21.000 Because our lives are so fucking short. 0.92

00:19:24.000 Yeah. 0.90

00:19:24.000 And the life of the earth is so long that all these tectonic plates... 0.90

00:19:29.000 Like, when we go to a mountain, like, wow, that's really pretty.

00:19:31.000 It's alive!

00:19:31.000 Look what happened.

00:19:33.000 And things moving right now.

00:19:33.000 Yeah.

00:19:34.000 There's lava under it.

00:19:36.000 If you saw, like, 10,000 years a second, you would just see the whole earth.

00:19:39.000 Just boom, moving.

00:19:42.000 Oceans come in and out.

00:19:43.000 And it's constantly doing that.

00:19:45.000 It's always done that.

00:19:46.000 We definitely should stop fucking up the world that we're living in.

00:19:50.000 The world that we exist in.

00:19:52.000 But even if we didn't, this is so dangerous.

00:19:55.000 This whole place is covered with predators.

00:19:58.000 We are just super lucky we killed most of them off and boxed ourselves away.

00:20:02.000 And some people forgot. 1.00

00:20:03.000 Except for those pigs. 1.00

00:20:04.000 We've got to figure out that asteroid. 0.99

00:20:05.000 We're not looking at enough for the sky.

00:20:07.000 I think we're looking at 3%.

00:20:09.000 Dude, and you get different answers from different folks when you ask them how long it would take before they could deflect something.

00:20:15.000 I think Neil deGrasse Tyson, what did he say, 10 years?

00:20:17.000 Do you remember?

00:20:19.000 You gotta figure out how you're gonna do it.

00:20:22.000 Jesus Luizus, bro.

00:20:24.000 Jesus Luizus.

00:20:25.000 If it's too big, there's nothing you can do.

00:20:26.000 If it's too big, there's nothing you can do.

00:20:28.000 But I... I don't know.

00:20:29.000 We could get a...

00:20:30.000 You have one week to live.

00:20:32.000 Just could come on the news today.

00:20:34.000 We just saw this asteroid.

00:20:36.000 They said the Mayan calendar is supposed to technically end next week.

00:20:39.000 Oh, Jesus Christ!

00:20:40.000 That thing always comes up, though, and it's never anything.

00:20:43.000 You know what shocks me is when you have the leader of a cult, and they have doomsday, and they have the date and the time, and they all go outside, and they sing, and it doesn't happen, and then that guy convinces them to stay, and he goes, no, it's a different day.

00:20:55.000 Yes.

00:20:55.000 And they all just...

00:20:57.000 There was a guy who was taking out billboards. 0.97

00:21:00.000 There was a billboard in Woodland Hills on Ventura Boulevard, and it had this fucking billboard, and he had a bunch of them all over the place. 0.97

00:21:08.000 But it had this billboard that showed the very day the Earth was going to end. 0.98

00:21:12.000 It was like it had a date on it.

00:21:14.000 Do you remember it?

00:21:15.000 I want to say it was somewhere around April or May.

00:21:18.000 Oh, not sure.

00:21:19.000 Scientist says, reading Mayan calendar predicts end of the world this week.

00:21:24.000 The 21st is what they said.

00:21:25.000 Oh, okay.

00:21:26.000 Whatever. 0.99

00:21:26.000 That's horseshit. 0.99

00:21:27.000 That's the New York Post, bro. 0.99

00:21:28.000 I'm listening a little bit.

00:21:29.000 They're trolling you.

00:21:30.000 The Post is trolling you, son.

00:21:32.000 I like that we listen to people who just put leeches on people to cure them.

00:21:36.000 Yeah, according to the sun, actually.

00:21:38.000 You know what, man?

00:21:39.000 Oh, the sun.

00:21:39.000 They did have a weird culture.

00:21:42.000 The Mayans had a weird culture.

00:21:44.000 I don't know much about it.

00:21:46.000 I know the temple.

00:21:48.000 Didn't they kill virgins? 1.00

00:21:50.000 I don't think they killed – well, who knows?

00:21:52.000 This is great.

00:21:52.000 I don't know about this topic.

00:21:54.000 I don't know if they really know what exact people they killed.

00:21:57.000 They killed a lot of people.

00:21:58.000 But what's really interesting is how beautiful their structures were, like these amazing structures.

00:22:04.000 I thought one of – their pyramid, like those big steps.

00:22:06.000 I thought one of them was for murder for their crops.

00:22:09.000 They've speculated that there were certain platforms that they would do sacrifices on.

00:22:15.000 The Aztecs did, I think, the most sacrifices in one day, or it was like a couple of days.

00:22:22.000 They killed somewhere around, I want to say more than 80,000 people they sacrificed when they completed one of the temples.

00:22:37.000 How do you kill that many people?

00:22:39.000 Did they bury them or something? 0.90

00:22:39.000 They just killed them one after another. 0.90

00:22:41.000 That takes a long time.

00:22:43.000 The victims of human sacrifice by Mexico's ancient Mayans who threw children into water-filled caverns were likely boys and young men, not virgin girls, as previously believed.

00:22:55.000 So, wow, they would human sacrifice by throwing children into water-filled caverns.

00:22:59.000 I could see how they could help, though, your crop.

00:23:01.000 Can you imagine that, though?

00:23:03.000 Like, you believe in superstition so much, you want to drown a kid so that the crops come back.

00:23:11.000 That's a sign you, people feeling out of control, they don't know the answers to something, they can't figure out. 0.94

00:23:17.000 But how crazy do the people in almost all religions, especially the ancient ones, they lean towards these really ridiculous things like that. 0.69

00:23:29.000 Whose sacrifice... 0.87

00:23:31.000 First brings that up, like, what if we do this? 1.00

00:23:33.000 Kill our kids. 0.99

00:23:35.000 Yeah, make a sacrifice, like Cain and Abel, right? 1.00

00:23:39.000 And if your God wanted that, your God wanted you to kill your children, That's a horrible god that you're... 1.00

00:23:45.000 Or how about your god tells you to kill somebody when you're about to. 1.00

00:23:48.000 He says, no, stop.

00:23:49.000 I was just testing you. 0.99

00:23:49.000 Yeah, that's a fucked up story. 0.99

00:23:51.000 I mean, that is... 0.99

00:23:53.000 People don't...

00:23:53.000 People act like that's a normal story.

00:23:56.000 That's the God that makes the universe told you to murder somebody and since you said yes, you did the right thing by saying yes because you have to trust God even if God tells you something that you can't imagine is real.

00:24:06.000 Right, even if you didn't know in your gut it's wrong to murder your kid. 0.95

00:24:09.000 You have to murder your kid because God's telling you to. 0.99

00:24:11.000 And you were about to and you're like, okay good. 1.00

00:24:13.000 I was just checking bro.

00:24:16.000 I like you now.

00:24:17.000 I was just checking bro. 1.00

00:24:17.000 That's the biggest bully asshole. 1.00

00:24:21.000 Metzger is actually a religious genius. 1.00

00:24:24.000 Yeah.

00:24:25.000 He knows a lot about religion and he was explaining to me the story of...

00:24:30.000 He gave me a much better understanding of the story where I think his name's Elisha.

00:24:34.000 These kids were yelling at him and they called him bald head.

00:24:38.000 He's a bald guy.

00:24:39.000 And so he asked God to sick a she-bear on the kids and it killed like 40 kids. 0.79

00:24:47.000 A she-bear. 1.00

00:24:48.000 I wish I could remember exactly what Metzger, how he explained it to me.

00:24:54.000 But the insult was much worse than just calling him baldhead.

00:24:59.000 You just have to put it into perspective with the time.

00:25:03.000 Like the way he was saying it to him was much worse than we would imagine the term would be.

00:25:08.000 We're looking at it in terms of modern language. 1.00

00:25:10.000 But still, the guy god-sicked a bear on these fucking kids. 1.00

00:25:15.000 I think Mesker was saying that it might have meant that they actually were trying to kill the man. 1.00

00:25:20.000 Yeah, from there, Elisha went to Bethel.

00:25:23.000 As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him, get out here, Baldy.

00:25:29.000 They said, get out of here, Baldy.

00:25:31.000 He turned around and looked at the, okay, the curse.

00:25:34.000 I think that's a real weird translation.

00:25:36.000 I don't think that's the best translation.

00:25:39.000 The way I've heard it before is not written exactly that way.

00:25:42.000 They have more than one translation?

00:25:44.000 Yeah, tons of translations.

00:25:46.000 He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them.

00:25:49.000 In the name of the Lord, the two bears came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the boys.

00:25:55.000 I got a bear story.

00:25:56.000 When I heard it before...

00:25:56.000 It seemed...

00:25:58.000 God, maybe I'm wrong, but it felt like it was...

00:26:01.000 In the ancient way of saying it.

00:26:04.000 And that was what Metzger explained to me.

00:26:06.000 See if there's another way of putting the words together that Metzger was saying they were going to kill him.

00:26:13.000 This is a version that has tons of translations of it. 0.99

00:26:16.000 Holy shit. 0.77

00:26:17.000 There's lots of versions. 1.00

00:26:19.000 Unless they were trying to kill the guy.

00:26:22.000 Maybe we're looking at it wrong and they were actually trying to kill the guy.

00:26:24.000 And I think that's one of the things that Metzger was trying to say.

00:26:27.000 Like they were threatening violence to the guy.

00:26:29.000 He sent a bear.

00:26:31.000 I think two bears.

00:26:32.000 Does it say two bears?

00:26:33.000 Yeah.

00:26:34.000 It says two female bears, two she bears. 0.64

00:26:36.000 Dude.

00:26:37.000 Imagine.

00:26:38.000 Call a dude a baldy and he's six bears on you. 1.00

00:26:41.000 Don't fuck with him again. 1.00

00:26:42.000 That's rude. 1.00

00:26:44.000 I was in a tent in the woods.

00:26:46.000 Yosemite.

00:26:47.000 And I was with this girl, you know, I was dating.

00:26:49.000 And before we packed up, the ranger guy was like, hey, don't have any food anywhere tied up in a tree.

00:26:57.000 They're coming out of their hibernation and they're hungry.

00:26:57.000 There's bears.

00:26:59.000 Don't you have a gum in your pocket?

00:27:01.000 You know, it really scared us.

00:27:02.000 We were the little group and we were kind of laughing that night.

00:27:04.000 Like, whatever.

00:27:05.000 Like, bear!

00:27:06.000 And just trying to scare everybody.

00:27:07.000 It's a horror movie.

00:27:09.000 It is.

00:27:10.000 Yeah.

00:27:11.000 People about to get murdered are always giggling about something.

00:27:13.000 So we're in the tent, and about an hour into sleep, I had brought a knife in my, you know, tent.

00:27:19.000 This fist-sized snout pushes into the tent, puffs her head. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Like, her head went... 0.71

00:27:26.000 Then it comes over to my head, puffs my head.

00:27:29.000 Oh my God.

00:27:30.000 And I had the thought, oh, this is what terror feels like.

00:27:33.000 Because I'd never felt the emotion before.

00:27:35.000 I'd never actually been terrified to that moment.

00:27:37.000 And we just held each other's hands like really hard and just you did everything not to breathe for two hours.

00:27:43.000 Just making the smallest amount of air come in your body.

00:27:47.000 I have a theory about that.

00:27:49.000 I think bears are figuring out that there's meat in those bags. 0.99

00:27:54.000 I think they figured out that there's...

00:27:56.000 Meat bags.

00:27:57.000 Just like they find, like when bears go to garbage cans, you can't scare them off.

00:28:03.000 They're always going to keep coming back to that garbage can.

00:28:05.000 Once they go to the garbage can, they become a problem.

00:28:06.000 They have to kidnap them and move them to some sanctuary somewhere.

00:28:10.000 Otherwise, they'd have to euthanize them. 0.98

00:28:11.000 Because once they know where something is, they keep going back.

00:28:15.000 Bears that have killed people in tents... 0.96

00:28:17.000 They keep coming back?

00:28:18.000 They keep coming back to tents.

00:28:21.000 I've heard of more than one different story about a predatory black bear attacking people in a tent.

00:28:31.000 And I think there's less deer in the place.

00:28:33.000 If there's been a bad climate, there's not enough food.

00:28:37.000 Why don't they attack us more?

00:28:39.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:28:39.000 Because we have guns.

00:28:41.000 That's the only reason why.

00:28:42.000 And in places where people don't hunt bears, they have way less fear of people.

00:28:47.000 I mean, I think they would want to get us for food immediately.

00:28:49.000 Like, oh, there's some food.

00:28:50.000 They don't know exactly what we are.

00:28:52.000 We're not a part of their natural world.

00:28:54.000 We only occur every now and then.

00:28:55.000 Right.

00:28:57.000 If you run into a grizzly bear in Alaska, you might be the first person that grizzly bear has ever seen.

00:29:01.000 They might not have any idea what you are.

00:29:03.000 So it's been alive for nine years.

00:29:05.000 It's never seen a person.

00:29:07.000 That's totally possible.

00:29:08.000 You saw a grizzly man, right?

00:29:10.000 Yes, I did.

00:29:11.000 It's one of the best comedies that wasn't supposed to be a comedy ever.

00:29:14.000 It is so funny.

00:29:15.000 It's wall-to-wall laughs.

00:29:17.000 That scene where he's at the lake and the bears walk up to him and he's going, no!

00:29:21.000 Bad.

00:29:21.000 Yeah.

00:29:22.000 Someone told me, I don't know if this is true, but the bears could sense there was something wrong with him.

00:29:22.000 Yeah.

00:29:25.000 That's why they didn't eat him earlier.

00:29:26.000 They thought he was like, he had some sort of mental disease.

00:29:30.000 I don't think those bears up there are that aggressive because there's so much fish.

00:29:34.000 And I think when the fish runs dry, that's when they get real dangerous.

00:29:39.000 He went and he was there long after they were supposed to be in hibernation.

00:29:46.000 So the one bear that killed him was really hungry.

00:29:49.000 It hadn't eaten enough food.

00:29:50.000 Yeah.

00:29:51.000 So it looked at anything and like he was just gonna eat everything that was in front of it.

00:29:55.000 So it found him and killed him.

00:29:56.000 So they were saying you should never be around when those bears are in hibernation.

00:30:00.000 If you find one that should be in hibernation and it's not, that's a desperate bear.

00:30:04.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

00:30:05.000 Dude, fuck that. 1.00

00:30:07.000 That whole movie is just fuck that. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Like why are you doing that? 1.00

00:30:12.000 Why are you camping where you know the bears walk?

00:30:14.000 And he's not saving any bears.

00:30:16.000 I'm saving these bears. 0.66

00:30:18.000 He was so crazy. 1.00

00:30:19.000 You sons of bitches, where are you? 1.00

00:30:21.000 Where are you? 1.00

00:30:22.000 Tiger King.

00:30:23.000 He was.

00:30:24.000 He was.

00:30:24.000 Very similar type.

00:30:25.000 If he got together with Tiger King...

00:30:26.000 That'd be a great show.

00:30:28.000 Well, you know what's similar about it?

00:30:29.000 There's something about weird guys that get really connected to murderous animals.

00:30:34.000 There's some sexual... 1.00

00:30:35.000 Yeah, some weird shit. 1.00

00:30:36.000 Whether it's a tiger or a grizzly bear. 0.99

00:30:39.000 I'm here protecting them!

00:30:41.000 Yeah.

00:30:41.000 Like, this dude is in Alaska, in a paper house, right?

00:30:46.000 He's got a house made out of cloth. 0.98

00:30:47.000 And he's laying on top of the ground every night protecting these fucking 1,200 pound wild dog things. 0.99

00:30:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:56.000 And he almost got the role of Woody in...

00:30:59.000 That's the only thing I remember.

00:31:00.000 Yeah.

00:31:00.000 Which is not true.

00:31:01.000 It's not true. 1.00

00:31:02.000 No, he's a crazy person. 0.97

00:31:04.000 But he's also a crazy person that found a venue for his crazy that he did some good too. 0.98

00:31:11.000 And here's one thing that he did that's good, and I'm not being facetious.

00:31:14.000 That movie's brilliant.

00:31:16.000 It's an amazing piece of entertainment.

00:31:18.000 Through that movie, millions of people have been entertained.

00:31:21.000 I don't think he would have been able to do that without that movie.

00:31:23.000 Absolutely not.

00:31:23.000 It was funnier than Cheers.

00:31:26.000 It was fucking great! 0.99

00:31:28.000 In that guy's dying that way, it's a tragic story. 0.99

00:31:32.000 It's a lesson to be learned.

00:31:34.000 And it's also hilarious.

00:31:37.000 He did it on purpose.

00:31:40.000 Werner Herzog's a really smart guy.

00:31:42.000 He made that thing funny on purpose.

00:31:44.000 You think so? 0.96

00:31:45.000 When that sheriff looks at the camera and goes, I thought he was retarded. 1.00

00:31:49.000 Tell me that wasn't like a scene in a fucking, you know, a Coen Brothers movie. 0.99

00:31:55.000 And he has that tape. 0.98

00:31:57.000 Remember he dangled that tape in front of the poor guy's mother?

00:32:01.000 He was like, oh, you don't want to listen to this.

00:32:03.000 He kept telling her that.

00:32:04.000 Yeah.

00:32:04.000 Yeah, that was crazy.

00:32:07.000 When they played, there's an audio, apparently, of the death.

00:32:11.000 It's not available online because Werner Herzog told them to destroy it, and I think he's probably right.

00:32:15.000 Yeah, I don't hear that.

00:32:16.000 But it's long, man.

00:32:18.000 The bear is eating them.

00:32:20.000 They eat them alive.

00:32:22.000 That's maybe the worst way to go.

00:32:24.000 Maybe fire. 0.74

00:32:25.000 The problem with a bear eating you alive is I think it takes a long time.

00:32:29.000 Yeah.

00:32:30.000 Because they're not going to kill you.

00:32:31.000 Like a tiger would just kill you quick. 0.94

00:32:33.000 Yeah, they grab your neck, right? 0.96

00:32:34.000 Bears start eating you from your feet down. 1.00

00:32:37.000 You know, they don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:32:38.000 They just start tearing your fucking crotch apart while you're alive. 1.00

00:32:43.000 Yeah, that and... 1.00

00:32:46.000 Dude, do you understand what that would be like to watch a bear eat you dick first? 1.00

00:32:51.000 Dick first, do you think? 1.00

00:32:53.000 Dick first. 1.00

00:32:54.000 A bear just right at your crotch. 1.00

00:32:57.000 A big fucking giant bear head clamped down on your dick and your asshole. 1.00

00:33:02.000 No! 1.00

00:33:03.000 And you're going, no!

00:33:05.000 And that's how you die.

00:33:06.000 A lot of people have died that way, man. 0.83

00:33:08.000 I guarantee you, how many people got attacked dick first by giant grizzly bears over the course of the last 20,000 years?

00:33:16.000 I bet it would be a staggering number.

00:33:18.000 It would be a shocking number.

00:33:19.000 It would surprise you.

00:33:20.000 Yeah.

00:33:21.000 He'd be like, why are we keeping these things around?

00:33:23.000 That's one thing California did that's really wise.

00:33:25.000 They exterminated all the grizzly bears.

00:33:27.000 Is that right?

00:33:28.000 It's on the flag.

00:33:28.000 I didn't know that.

00:33:29.000 Grizzly bear's on the flag.

00:33:30.000 There's no grizzly bears here.

00:33:31.000 I didn't know that. 1.00

00:33:32.000 They're like, fuck you. 1.00

00:33:33.000 Hey. 1.00

00:33:34.000 You keep eating us.

00:33:35.000 Hey.

00:33:36.000 Are you a big camp?

00:33:37.000 Do you go camping?

00:33:38.000 No, I have.

00:33:39.000 I like rooftop camps.

00:33:42.000 Like where you could camp on the rooftop.

00:33:44.000 They have rooftop tents.

00:33:45.000 I have a roof rack on my Land Cruiser.

00:33:48.000 Oh, on top of your car?

00:33:49.000 Yep.

00:33:50.000 Climb up the ladder.

00:33:51.000 I want to get that. 0.95

00:33:51.000 That way you're camping, but things aren't just going to fucking crawl up on you. 0.95

00:33:55.000 You know? 0.97

00:33:55.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:33:55.000 I want to get that Cybertruck because that is a great camping situation. 0.97

00:34:00.000 Plus, you look like you're in the future. 0.99

00:34:01.000 Fucking camping in that thing. 1.00

00:34:04.000 That's some Blade Runner shit. 1.00

00:34:06.000 I love my car in a way that I've never liked something I've bought before. 0.99

00:34:11.000 It feels like it's another thing, right?

00:34:14.000 Like it's way better than a car.

00:34:16.000 It is, and it's learning and getting better, and it feels like a child growing up and helping.

00:34:22.000 Yeah, you keep getting these new updates.

00:34:24.000 Yeah, it's like Christmas.

00:34:26.000 It drives itself.

00:34:28.000 It just drives itself.

00:34:29.000 It's amazing, because I bought mine in 2018. And how it's gotten so much better.

00:34:35.000 I mean, they're solving vision, which I think should be bigger news than what it is.

00:34:40.000 And the way they're doing it is brilliant.

00:34:42.000 They have...

00:34:42.000 People paid the money for them to send out all these fleets, and they get all the data, which is what they need.

00:34:49.000 Tons and tons of data.

00:34:51.000 And they see stoplights and stop signs now.

00:34:54.000 I kind of watched a video on how they did this, and it's...

00:34:57.000 They send out to the fleet, like, hey, send us all your stop signs.

00:35:01.000 And they all come back...

00:35:02.000 To this one place, and it learns.

00:35:05.000 And I got a stop sign near my house, and just a little piece is showing.

00:35:09.000 It's covered by bushes, but the car recognizes it.

00:35:12.000 Dude.

00:35:14.000 And that's his side job.

00:35:17.000 That's his side job.

00:35:18.000 He is the coolest person ever.

00:35:21.000 Ever.

00:35:21.000 On paper.

00:35:22.000 On paper.

00:35:22.000 I mean, in person, you know, he's...

00:35:26.000 Yeah.

00:35:26.000 I think Nikola Tesla is probably the most important inventor of all time, but Nikola Tesla, I don't think you would think he's cool.

00:35:35.000 You know, he was just a genius, and he was in love with a pigeon.

00:35:39.000 Like, he was really crazy.

00:35:40.000 Yeah, he got really crazy. 0.93

00:35:41.000 He was a really crazy guy, but brilliant, but had ideas.

00:35:45.000 Elon is like, cool, you can hang out with him.

00:35:47.000 It's super cool.

00:35:48.000 Yeah.

00:35:49.000 He was here smoking one of these.

00:35:51.000 He got in trouble for about 24 hours and then they made money.

00:35:55.000 They bounced back.

00:35:56.000 They lost 6% in his day.

00:35:59.000 Is that right?

00:36:00.000 Yeah, but it came back 9% the next day. 0.75

00:36:02.000 And I'm like, yeah, people are crazy.

00:36:04.000 He's the greatest CEO. He's always in the news.

00:36:07.000 But the fact that the Tesla thing is like his side gig is what's most ridiculous.

00:36:11.000 He is the coolest person ever.

00:36:14.000 In the history.

00:36:15.000 Also, very important.

00:36:17.000 He's doing very important things. 1.00

00:36:18.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00

00:36:19.000 We would be so far behind if it wasn't for one guy. 1.00

00:36:22.000 What would the electric car market look like today if it wasn't for one guy?

00:36:25.000 Oh, right.

00:36:25.000 And they tried to kill...

00:36:27.000 I mean, you just...

00:36:27.000 Yes.

00:36:28.000 You get the worst news.

00:36:28.000 I mean, it still happens.

00:36:30.000 Every car crash, Tesla crash on the news.

00:36:32.000 And when there was fires, which there are anymore, and there was only like a few, everyone was front page and people thought, don't those cars blow up?

00:36:39.000 Yes, yes.

00:36:40.000 It's like, you know how many gasoline cars, fires there were that year?

00:36:44.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:36:45.000 Anyway, I just get, the fact that they made such, he made such an amazing car and got past all the bullshit that was coming at him to destroy it. 0.94

00:36:55.000 He just doesn't listen. 0.99

00:36:57.000 He's like, I'm smarter than you, so he just keeps going.

00:37:01.000 He knows what he's doing, and he's been right so far. 0.93

00:37:04.000 We're fucking lucky that guy's around, man. 0.99

00:37:06.000 I don't like people to give him shit. 0.99

00:37:08.000 I mean, they should be promoting and hiding the fires. 1.00

00:37:12.000 The guy ahead of the board that looks into crashes. 1.00

00:37:17.000 I sound like an idiot. 1.00

00:37:19.000 What's the name of that board? 1.00

00:37:20.000 Anyway.

00:37:21.000 You would think you'd go, oh, I've got this car that's 15 times safer than all my other cars.

00:37:26.000 Let's help this company out.

00:37:27.000 But every – I think they investigate 500 crashes a year, this department.

00:37:33.000 Every Tesla crash they investigate.

00:37:36.000 He's just on him.

00:37:37.000 And I understand you have to in a way with the self-driving.

00:37:40.000 You have to.

00:37:42.000 But they've not been reckless about that.

00:37:44.000 Well, there's some accidents, though, that are very troubling.

00:37:48.000 One of them was a guy slams right into the side of a truck.

00:37:51.000 Yeah, that one didn't even make any sense.

00:37:51.000 Oh, I saw that.

00:37:54.000 That one was like, how does it not know there's a truck in the road?

00:37:57.000 Or does it not know what to do when a truck is in the road?

00:38:00.000 Like, what happens?

00:38:01.000 Like, a truck tips over, what do we do?

00:38:03.000 You don't know what to do?

00:38:04.000 Why are you driving?

00:38:05.000 Right.

00:38:05.000 Like, that's crazy.

00:38:06.000 Like, it's not ready for you to drive yet if it doesn't know where a truck is.

00:38:06.000 Yeah.

00:38:09.000 But you are supposed to pay attention.

00:38:11.000 Yes, you are.

00:38:12.000 It isn't self-driving yet. 0.99

00:38:13.000 I think people text and fucking email and shit. 0.99

00:38:16.000 I've dozed. 1.00

00:38:16.000 Oh, absolutely. 1.00

00:38:17.000 It's not good.

00:38:18.000 No!

00:38:19.000 Long drive.

00:38:20.000 I went to Phoenix.

00:38:21.000 It's so bad, dude.

00:38:21.000 It's so bad.

00:38:22.000 I had a seven-hour drive and I was like...

00:38:24.000 But I pulled over.

00:38:25.000 But that car, it's easy to pay attention.

00:38:29.000 Well, it's just a different kind of thing.

00:38:31.000 It's like you think of what a car is.

00:38:34.000 You think of an engine, and it pumps gas, and you're driving around in it.

00:38:39.000 That thing is like an electronic vehicle.

00:38:42.000 It's not a car.

00:38:42.000 It doesn't make any noise.

00:38:44.000 It's amazing.

00:38:45.000 It looks just like a car, but where's your engine?

00:38:47.000 It's like, where's the rumble?

00:38:49.000 Where's the stinky gas?

00:38:51.000 It doesn't have any of those things.

00:38:52.000 It's silent.

00:38:53.000 That's what I noticed. 1.00

00:38:54.000 When you look back at horses, we're like, how do people stand the stink of shit in New York City? 1.00

00:38:58.000 But then when you get an electric car, you go, oh, those other ones, that was poison. 0.99

00:39:03.000 I just got used to it.

00:39:04.000 And I was like, oh, that's what they have.

00:39:07.000 Yeah, when people just rode horses, this must have smelled terrible. 1.00

00:39:10.000 Everywhere, just horse shit everywhere. 0.99

00:39:12.000 It'd be like, yeah, I mean, really, right? 1.00

00:39:16.000 They'd shit all over the place. 0.94

00:39:17.000 If everybody was on a horse? 0.99

00:39:19.000 Yeah.

00:39:19.000 But we've got to get with the new technology, because...

00:39:24.000 Them trying to save coal jobs, I get it, and that's a really tough thing, but we better off training.

00:39:29.000 It's like them trying to save the horseshoe guys' business.

00:39:33.000 We're not going that way.

00:39:35.000 Do you know the whole learn-to-code fiasco online?

00:39:39.000 Well, someone was talking about coal miners and what they could do if they stopped mining coal.

00:39:39.000 No.

00:39:48.000 And someone had said, learn to code.

00:39:50.000 And then learn to code somehow, I'm probably fucking this up, but became like a bad thing that you couldn't say on Twitter.

00:39:57.000 Like an insulting thing that would get you banned from Twitter.

00:40:01.000 Why?

00:40:02.000 Because learn to code was some sort of an insult.

00:40:05.000 It became some sort of an insult or mocking this idea that these people...

00:40:09.000 So you can't...

00:40:11.000 I mean, it seems like the most innocuous of sentences.

00:40:13.000 Learn to code.

00:40:15.000 Is there anything wrong with learning?

00:40:16.000 No.

00:40:16.000 Is there anything wrong with learning code?

00:40:18.000 No, there's not.

00:40:19.000 So how come I can't say learn to code?

00:40:21.000 I can't say it because at one point in time it was used to describe this one thing.

00:40:25.000 Now it can kind of become funny.

00:40:27.000 Learn to code.

00:40:28.000 I don't, yeah, I don't understand why that's bad.

00:40:28.000 Yeah.

00:40:31.000 It seems like good advice.

00:40:32.000 It seems like good advice, always, but maybe it's mean to say to these coal miners they should learn to code. 1.00

00:40:38.000 But you could also use that in a lot of different ways.

00:40:38.000 I get that.

00:40:41.000 Once someone said, learn to code, and it sounds good, that's not limited to that one meaning.

00:40:46.000 Right.

00:40:47.000 You could say it as a friend, like, as a joke.

00:40:49.000 Like, learn to code. 1.00

00:40:50.000 And you're not being an asshole. 1.00

00:40:52.000 Like, your friend is like, oh, my fucking job is so annoying. 1.00

00:40:55.000 And you're like, learn to code. 1.00

00:40:56.000 Yeah.

00:40:56.000 Did you get kicked off Twitter?

00:40:58.000 Yeah, they took the whole phrase by one person saying it.

00:41:01.000 Right.

00:41:01.000 Now that phrase is locked up.

00:41:03.000 I mean, it's an unusual phrase.

00:41:05.000 I use it a lot.

00:41:07.000 Learn to code.

00:41:09.000 Why can't you say it?

00:41:10.000 I don't know, but I love Teslas.

00:41:12.000 There's just too many breaks being put on what people can and can't say.

00:41:16.000 I don't know how much of this is legit, because I know that...

00:41:20.000 Google...

00:41:21.000 What is exactly the reason why the Federalist...

00:41:24.000 And there was another thing that was...

00:41:27.000 Explain how that worked, Jamie.

00:41:29.000 How they were pulled down.

00:41:31.000 They had an issue, it says, with their AdSense.

00:41:33.000 So that's what Google controls is AdSense.

00:41:36.000 The money that you make off of your website clicks, right?

00:41:36.000 Right.

00:41:38.000 Right.

00:41:39.000 So there was an issue with...

00:41:40.000 It says...

00:41:44.000 Zero Hedge and Federalist both had comment pages, I guess, that had AdSense on it.

00:41:50.000 And there was threats of having it taken away from them.

00:41:54.000 And this article says that the Federalist bends the knee to Big Tech and deletes its awful comment section.

00:42:00.000 So I was trying to read through it to see.

00:42:02.000 It goes back to what we were talking about earlier.

00:42:03.000 It's the worst way to talk to people.

00:42:05.000 Just through text or comments.

00:42:07.000 It's a perfect example.

00:42:09.000 Comments section on a website are an example of why typing something out in print is the absolute worst way to communicate with people.

00:42:16.000 How many times do you think that you could have had a disagreement with someone?

00:42:22.000 Through text messages, but in person, you could have come to an agreement pretty easily.

00:42:27.000 All the time.

00:42:28.000 I've run into that problem.

00:42:30.000 I now know not to text if it's anything that could be taken as a call.

00:42:34.000 FaceTime's even better, just to see their face.

00:42:37.000 A lot of the kids are doing the FaceTime these days.

00:42:37.000 FaceTime's good.

00:42:39.000 They just FaceTime you out of the blue.

00:42:41.000 That's what a lot of people do now.

00:42:43.000 I'm like, okay, this is what we're doing.

00:42:44.000 I feel very aggressive when someone FaceTimes me.

00:42:46.000 It is, but some guys like it.

00:42:50.000 Now with this COVID, I'm getting way more used to it because of all the Zooming I'm doing.

00:42:50.000 Yeah.

00:42:55.000 That's the worry, though.

00:42:56.000 The worry is that this separates people even more from the emotional contact that we get, the emotional interaction we get from an actual human being.

00:43:03.000 We get more and more douchey.

00:43:05.000 What is...

00:43:07.000 What do you get extra?

00:43:09.000 Because I don't know the answer to this.

00:43:10.000 I'm Zooming with you, or I'm here now with you.

00:43:13.000 What am I getting extra?

00:43:15.000 Besides the whiskey and...

00:43:17.000 Being in person, it's a different feeling.

00:43:20.000 Like, I know you're right there.

00:43:22.000 You know, high five.

00:43:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:24.000 There you are.

00:43:25.000 We're right there.

00:43:27.000 That's different.

00:43:28.000 I don't think you can get COVID from contact anymore, contacting services.

00:43:31.000 I think someone has a spit in your face.

00:43:33.000 I lost my caring about any of this, COVID. In the beginning, I really did care, and I was really scared, and I bought into it.

00:43:40.000 And then I just hit a thing where...

00:43:42.000 You called it care fatigue.

00:43:44.000 Care fatigue, I got.

00:43:45.000 Is there a word for that?

00:43:46.000 There should be.

00:43:47.000 I think what you just invented it.

00:43:49.000 That'd be cool if I needed a saying.

00:43:51.000 I think it's care fatigue.

00:43:52.000 Is that a thing?

00:43:53.000 It's probably already...

00:43:53.000 Look, we found the female lumberjack was already a thing.

00:43:56.000 This is probably already a thing, too.

00:43:58.000 I'm going to make care fatigue t-shirts.

00:44:00.000 There's an article called Compassion Fatigue, and there's a compassion fatigue of wearing...

00:44:04.000 That's different.

00:44:05.000 My thing's different.

00:44:05.000 That's different.

00:44:06.000 But compassion fatigue makes sense, too, because most people, you know, they don't have so much to give to other folks.

00:44:12.000 They're busy.

00:44:13.000 Like Kristen Bell, people in the video, it's like...

00:44:17.000 They really are putting themselves out there and getting really crushed.

00:44:22.000 And if I were them, after the first text I did that I got blowback, I would be out.

00:44:28.000 Yeah.

00:44:31.000 I think that world, the world of actors and actresses, I think it's very difficult for them to gauge how other people view someone who's really famous who does something like that.

00:44:49.000 Like, you have to understand, I don't think they thought about skepticism.

00:44:53.000 I don't think they thought about people looking at it very cynically.

00:44:57.000 I don't think they considered that.

00:44:58.000 I think they only thought, like, they probably talked to their friends, like, we're gonna make a difference.

00:45:04.000 We're gonna make a difference with this video.

00:45:05.000 And their friends are like, you're amazing.

00:45:07.000 You're so powerful.

00:45:08.000 If anyone can make a difference, it's you, girl.

00:45:10.000 Use it.

00:45:10.000 You have the platform.

00:45:11.000 Boom.

00:45:11.000 Next thing you know, they're making this video and they're calling their friends.

00:45:14.000 Just like the one with Gal Gadot.

00:45:16.000 Same thing.

00:45:16.000 You call your friends.

00:45:17.000 We got this.

00:45:18.000 We got this.

00:45:18.000 We're going to cure this.

00:45:19.000 People are fucking dropping like flies in Italy. 1.00

00:45:22.000 Just falling off balconies and shit. 1.00

00:45:25.000 Imagine there's no heaven. 1.00

00:45:27.000 That one.

00:45:30.000 I also feel bad in a way because if your friend asks you to do something, it's hard to say no sometimes.

00:45:35.000 You got to say no and you got to tell them, this is how I would make fun of you.

00:45:39.000 You gotta realize what you're doing is crazy.

00:45:40.000 I understand that the sentiment behind it is great.

00:45:44.000 Yes.

00:45:44.000 They all mean well.

00:45:46.000 They all mean well.

00:45:46.000 And for white people when it comes to stuff like that, look, all white people feel guilty for something.

00:45:52.000 They just do.

00:45:53.000 Yeah. 0.78

00:45:54.000 Because black people used to be slaves. 1.00

00:45:57.000 So just that, just that alone, if you did not come from that, there's some sort of guilt that you're connected to the ancestors that enslaved those people. 0.94

00:46:06.000 There's something in the back of your head.

00:46:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:09.000 Especially if you're from old family, like if your family's been in this country for fucking since the 1500s or some shit, like for sure your family had something to do with slavery. 0.99

00:46:19.000 For sure. 0.99

00:46:21.000 The White Guild is real. 0.97

00:46:23.000 And it's getting pumped up right now.

00:46:25.000 I mean there's videos of – there's a video of a guy and he just was joking around.

00:46:29.000 It's a black guy.

00:46:29.000 He goes, kneel before me and prays like – and she's like kneeling and it's – Yeah, there's a bunch of those videos.

00:46:36.000 There's videos of these people kissing this black dude's feet. 0.98

00:46:40.000 I don't think this is good for black people. 1.00

00:46:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:46:44.000 Like, what is this?

00:46:45.000 It's fine.

00:46:48.000 If it's just kissing feet and kneeling, we're fine.

00:46:50.000 Is it?

00:46:53.000 I'm not smart.

00:46:54.000 Is it good?

00:46:55.000 I think it's great that white people are marching with them and that seems good.

00:47:00.000 This is what it is, man.

00:47:01.000 Society and people, we're getting better.

00:47:04.000 But we get better like this.

00:47:05.000 Oh yeah, the pendulum.

00:47:06.000 We get better in waves.

00:47:07.000 It goes this way and it comes back.

00:47:09.000 And right now we're in a crazy period.

00:47:11.000 But ultimately, I think what's going to come out of it is way less racism.

00:47:14.000 We're hitting a new stage of no racism.

00:47:17.000 People are always gonna judge people.

00:47:19.000 They're gonna judge people on everything.

00:47:21.000 They're gonna judge people based on the language you speak, where you're from, whether you're short or tall or fat or skinny.

00:47:27.000 People just judge people.

00:47:28.000 They're always gonna judge people.

00:47:29.000 But it will become more and more taboo and more and more disgusting to people if you judge people on race now.

00:47:38.000 It's like a new blip in the consciousness.

00:47:41.000 It's a more disgusting crime to actually judge people and limit who you think their potential as a human being because they're from Southeast Asia or they're from Mexico or they're from...

00:47:57.000 That's going to become a disgusting trait.

00:48:01.000 Something good can come out of this.

00:48:02.000 Something good will come out of this.

00:48:04.000 It's always been a disgusting trait, but it's going to reach a new level of it.

00:48:07.000 Yeah, not tolerated. 0.92

00:48:09.000 Yeah, you're always going to have some racists. 0.90

00:48:10.000 You're always going to have some murderers. 0.97

00:48:12.000 You're always going to have some bank thieves.

00:48:14.000 They're always going to exist.

00:48:16.000 It's like, but how do you make it better for everybody?

00:48:20.000 You just got to defund that police job.

00:48:21.000 That's all I got to do.

00:48:21.000 Yeah, that's the best thing.

00:48:23.000 But it's happening right now.

00:48:25.000 People are getting...

00:48:26.000 I really believe this.

00:48:27.000 The positive side of me says, I really feel like we're going to come out of this on the other end friendlier to each other.

00:48:33.000 And we can do that.

00:48:35.000 It's 100% possible.

00:48:36.000 Good.

00:48:37.000 This can be a good thing.

00:48:39.000 The horrors of all this can make us appreciate that things can go sideways.

00:48:43.000 So the folks who have fortunately survived, we can do better.

00:48:47.000 We've got to survive that pendulum swing.

00:48:50.000 Yes.

00:48:50.000 Like the Al Franken, the Me Too Al Franken.

00:48:53.000 That was a weird one.

00:48:54.000 Went a little too far in that swing, in my opinion.

00:48:56.000 Oh, that was a weird one.

00:48:57.000 I mean, the worst thing he was accused of is the way he held a woman while he was taking a photo with her.

00:49:03.000 And then there was the girl who was on the plane with him, though.

00:49:07.000 Yeah.

00:49:07.000 Leanne Tweeden.

00:49:09.000 That's her name, right?

00:49:11.000 Yeah.

00:49:11.000 Yes.

00:49:12.000 Let's go with Leanne Tweeden. 1.00

00:49:13.000 I'm so high. 1.00

00:49:15.000 I can't believe my fucked up name. 0.99

00:49:17.000 I'm not high at all. 0.99

00:49:18.000 I have no excuse.

00:49:20.000 She's got the best...

00:49:24.000 She's got the best case.

00:49:27.000 Yeah, what is her case?

00:49:28.000 Hers is different.

00:49:29.000 Like, there's a photo of him.

00:49:30.000 Look at that photo.

00:49:32.000 His hands over her breasts while she's sleeping.

00:49:35.000 Like, come on, man. 0.98

00:49:36.000 If that was your girlfriend. 0.96

00:49:37.000 Yeah, no, that is...

00:49:39.000 But that's when he was a comic. 1.00

00:49:41.000 He did something stupid. 1.00

00:49:42.000 They were on a comedy tour. 1.00

00:49:43.000 Yes, they were on a comedy tour. 1.00

00:49:44.000 He did something stupid. 1.00

00:49:44.000 And I'm not defending, but she's wearing a flack jacket. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Yes, and he's not touching her, but he's pretending he is.

00:49:51.000 Maybe he thought it was funny.

00:49:52.000 Maybe she didn't.

00:49:52.000 I get it.

00:49:54.000 It's not a good look.

00:49:56.000 It's not a good look.

00:49:57.000 I don't think he's an evil person.

00:49:59.000 Not that he got fired.

00:50:00.000 He resigned under pressure.

00:50:01.000 I think he's just a smart guy.

00:50:05.000 I don't know.

00:50:07.000 He got caught up in that wave.

00:50:10.000 And I think that can happen to folks.

00:50:13.000 I think Sheevan was like, I didn't want him to resign.

00:50:17.000 I should stop talking.

00:50:19.000 I'm saying things.

00:50:20.000 You didn't want who to resign?

00:50:21.000 Did you say Sheeva?

00:50:22.000 Yeah, she didn't want Shiva to resign.

00:50:24.000 She didn't want him to lose his job over that.

00:50:28.000 I think she came out and said.

00:50:30.000 Yeah, I don't think she did either.

00:50:31.000 Again, no information.

00:50:33.000 Yeah, it's, you know...

00:50:35.000 There's way worse people out there.

00:50:40.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:50:40.000 That's what's fucked up when you hear about a guy like Harvey Weinstein, right? 0.98

00:50:46.000 And you realize, like, wow, just the sheer numbers of people he fucked with. 0.99

00:50:53.000 There are really people like that out there. 0.99

00:50:55.000 Cosby.

00:50:56.000 Cosby. 0.99

00:50:57.000 One of the greatest comedians and even better rapist. 0.89

00:51:00.000 In terms of all time. 0.87

00:51:02.000 Like, they got the years.

00:51:04.000 See, anybody who says that there's nothing ever funny about rape didn't hear that.

00:51:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:51:10.000 Because that was funny.

00:51:10.000 And you're not trying to be mean.

00:51:12.000 No, I probably will get in trouble, though.

00:51:13.000 Yeah, you probably will.

00:51:14.000 Yeah, but it was funny.

00:51:15.000 And most people are reasonable, and they're going to understand what we're doing here.

00:51:18.000 I can't get canceled.

00:51:20.000 But, and that's not true, you can retro get canceled.

00:51:22.000 If you get, like, a job on a show, then they come back.

00:51:26.000 They come back and read your 2004 tweets.

00:51:27.000 Remember you said rape was great on Joe Rogan's mind?

00:51:30.000 Yeah. 0.87

00:51:32.000 That's exactly it.

00:51:32.000 And I have to say I'm sorry.

00:51:34.000 And the goalposts keep getting moved, like things that you could say readily.

00:51:37.000 One of the things I've been doing is I've been watching a lot of Adam Sandler movies.

00:51:41.000 It's funny.

00:51:41.000 Yeah.

00:51:42.000 Oh my god, man.

00:51:44.000 Some of them are so funny. 0.99

00:51:46.000 Zohan is one of the funniest fucking movies ever. 0.98

00:51:48.000 But wildly inappropriate. 0.96

00:51:51.000 And just even then, the things that you can get away with saying then, you can't do now.

00:51:56.000 No.

00:51:57.000 And Rob Schneider in Adam Sandler's movies, he would play a bunch of different races.

00:52:02.000 He played Asian guys.

00:52:04.000 He played all kinds of weird dudes.

00:52:07.000 You barely can do that today.

00:52:09.000 Do you think ever again will it swing back where people go, yeah, you can do other...

00:52:13.000 Blackface is fine. 0.96

00:52:14.000 Blackface will never be fine? 1.00

00:52:16.000 Never be fine.

00:52:17.000 But he apparently was.

00:52:18.000 It was not...

00:52:19.000 In the 80s, 90s, it was like not...

00:52:22.000 Not that big a deal.

00:52:23.000 You didn't think like, oh my God, you're...

00:52:25.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:52:25.000 Well, obviously, black people say that's example or evidence of white people being insensitive. 0.95

00:52:33.000 Right. 0.96

00:52:33.000 That you don't realize how offensive it is to put on paint to pretend to be like us. 0.96

00:52:38.000 I didn't know.

00:52:39.000 I had no idea black people, when they saw someone dressed up as Bill Cosby, like a white guy, were mad about it.

00:52:45.000 I really didn't.

00:52:47.000 No.

00:52:47.000 Right.

00:52:48.000 Well, what's confusing is if you don't have a good sense of history, you think of it and you go, well, if I saw a black guy dressed like a white guy, what would I give a fuck? 0.99

00:52:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:57.000 But then you have to go to those Al Jolson movies and shit. 1.00

00:53:00.000 That blackface was... 1.00

00:53:02.000 Weird.

00:53:03.000 Different, I feel like.

00:53:04.000 Dude, it was cartoonish and strange. 0.84

00:53:06.000 And black people couldn't act in movies, so they had white people dress up and put paint on their face so that they looked like a black person. 0.96

00:53:14.000 To me, it's like, I understand that people think that's offensive. 0.67

00:53:17.000 I understand that it's offensive to you.

00:53:19.000 I get it. 0.97

00:53:21.000 But when I watched that, to me, it is fucking fascinating. 0.90

00:53:26.000 Fascinating like almost in a scientific sense, like you're looking at a different version of human beings. 0.96

00:53:31.000 Right.

00:53:32.000 You're looking at these people that are just really interested in people dancing and running around and doing so with this weird paint on their face.

00:53:41.000 It's so dehumanizing.

00:53:43.000 So weird, man.

00:53:44.000 So weird.

00:53:45.000 And it was like, they praised him.

00:53:47.000 He went backstage.

00:53:48.000 They're like, great job.

00:53:49.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:53:50.000 Let me hear some of this shit. 1.00

00:53:51.000 Can I hear some of it? 1.00

00:53:53.000 No, nothing?

00:53:53.000 No, I can't.

00:53:54.000 We got in trouble.

00:53:55.000 I'll tell you what.

00:53:56.000 It should be in public domain, but it's not. 0.99

00:53:56.000 Damn it, Jamie. 0.99

00:53:59.000 Okay, sorry. 1.00

00:54:00.000 My heart goes out to you.

00:54:02.000 When you look at him, it's so strange looking.

00:54:06.000 Give me a little. 0.71

00:54:11.000 Imagine, he's like, I like the way black people look, but their music's too good. 1.00

00:54:18.000 So what I'm gonna do is do like a white guy version. 0.89

00:54:23.000 And just pretend I'm a black guy. 0.96

00:54:25.000 And I'm gonna do like whack white music. 1.00

00:54:28.000 That is fucked. 1.00

00:54:29.000 How many blues singers were alive back then? 1.00

00:54:36.000 What year was this?

00:54:39.000 1927, I believe.

00:54:41.000 What year was Robert Johnson alive?

00:54:45.000 Find out Robert Johnson, that's the legendary blues man, the big legend of whether or not he sold his soul to the devil, because he was so much better than everybody else.

00:54:54.000 Same time.

00:54:55.000 So, here you go, folks. 0.99

00:54:56.000 This is how whack white people are. 0.99

00:54:58.000 Jesus. 0.99

00:55:00.000 Al Jolson's pretending to be a black guy while Robert Johnson is alive and making music.

00:55:09.000 Robert Johnson, I think it's Route 66 story.

00:55:13.000 What's that?

00:55:14.000 There's supposedly where he met the devil on the highway.

00:55:14.000 I forget.

00:55:18.000 And he sold his soul to the devil to be the greatest blues man ever.

00:55:23.000 It's hard for us to see in the 2020 context when there's so much music, man.

00:55:30.000 There's so much brilliant music. 0.91

00:55:31.000 There's the Beatles and fucking Sturgill Simpson and Kiss and Rolling Stones. 0.99

00:55:37.000 There's so much fucking music that you could just get on your phone at any time. 0.99

00:55:41.000 But back then, this one dude, Robert Johnson, was so intoxicating that people thought that he had sold his soul to get that good. 0.98

00:55:52.000 That's a real legend, man.

00:55:54.000 I don't know about it.

00:55:56.000 And he was just traveling around singing the blues.

00:55:59.000 And you can listen to it today, but it's hard to put it into perspective.

00:56:03.000 Is his stuff public domain?

00:56:08.000 I'll pay for it.

00:56:10.000 Give us a little taste.

00:56:13.000 But Robert Johnson, it's like when you listen to Lenny Bruce comedy.

00:56:16.000 It's hard for it to translate to today because the times are just so different.

00:56:21.000 And this is the same thing with Robert Johnson, but you gotta think, in his day, just recorded music was like 20 years old.

00:56:29.000 Nobody even knew. 1.00

00:56:30.000 They were recording Beethoven and shit on these big stupid discs. 1.00

00:56:35.000 This is a guy that was way ahead of the curve. 1.00

00:56:39.000 I want to hear this now.

00:56:41.000 Come on, Jamie.

00:56:41.000 Give me some music.

00:56:42.000 What could it be?

00:56:42.000 40 grand?

00:56:43.000 It's really not a big deal.

00:56:43.000 Give me a touch.

00:56:44.000 Just give me a touch of Robert Johnson.

00:56:46.000 How much can you pay before you have to pay for it?

00:56:48.000 Robert Johnson.

00:57:25.000 Dust on the ground and he's on the stage.

00:57:28.000 What year is this?

00:57:29.000 19, what was it, 30?

00:57:31.000 It said he died in 38 at 27, so he wasn't even that old.

00:57:35.000 He died at 27 years old.

00:57:37.000 They all died at 27. So imagine, there's this and then this wack-ass Al Jolson singing terrible songs and pretending to be a black guy at the exact same time that Robert Johnson was alive. 0.93

00:57:48.000 Must have felt real good. 0.81

00:57:49.000 Well, and then you gotta think that Robert Johnson, you're talking about a guy who was alive like 60 years after slavery ended?

00:58:00.000 Right?

00:58:00.000 Yeah, he was born in 19...

00:58:04.000 What did it say?

00:58:06.000 Does it say how he died?

00:58:07.000 11. He was born in 1911. That's crazy.

00:58:12.000 Was that 56?

00:58:14.000 50-ish years.

00:58:15.000 That's when he's born after slavery ended, right? 0.99

00:58:19.000 So it's basically the divide between people that used to be slaves and regular folks is still so fucked up, man. 0.99

00:58:26.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:58:27.000 One thing I was reading about that I didn't know about.

00:58:29.000 Was I reading or somebody told me this?

00:58:31.000 That for the longest time after slavery, one of the big things was they would just arrest black men for anything, for loitering.

00:58:39.000 And then they would make them work for pennies a day. 1.00

00:58:43.000 They'd make them fucking break rocks and shit. 0.99

00:58:45.000 So they'd give them these crazy sentences. 1.00

00:58:47.000 So they basically kept them slaves. 1.00

00:58:49.000 They just arrested them a lot for shit. 1.00

00:58:51.000 And then imagine being a guy whose entire life you've been a slave. 1.00

00:58:55.000 Now you're 25 years old, and they've just let you free.

00:58:58.000 And you've got to figure out how to get a job, and nobody wants to hire you, and everybody's scared of you, and everybody's prejudiced against you, and there's no opportunities.

00:59:06.000 And they just start arresting you, and making you break rocks. 1.00

00:59:09.000 You're like, fuck a... 0.99

00:59:11.000 I thought you guys were gonna fix this. 1.00

00:59:12.000 This isn't any better.

00:59:13.000 This is worse.

00:59:14.000 So a whole generation had to go through that before it still got to the civil rights movement in the 60s.

00:59:20.000 It's real crazy when you think about it.

00:59:21.000 It's not that long.

00:59:22.000 Not that long, man.

00:59:23.000 I am 52 years old, and I believe Michael Yeo had on his page that A year that, like, to the very year that I was born, maybe I was alive for one year where it was illegal for a black man and a white woman to get married.

00:59:46.000 Illegal.

00:59:47.000 To, like, the late 60s.

00:59:50.000 Yeah.

00:59:51.000 I didn't know that.

00:59:52.000 Did you know that?

00:59:53.000 I don't know anything.

00:59:54.000 Dude, that's my lifetime.

00:59:56.000 I think I was a year old when they made it legal.

01:00:02.000 Wow.

01:00:02.000 Can you find out if that's accurate?

01:00:05.000 Jamie, what are you eating?

01:00:06.000 It looks delicious.

01:00:07.000 Come on, Jamie.

01:00:07.000 What do you got there?

01:00:08.000 Oh, the NeuroGum.

01:00:10.000 What does that do?

01:00:11.000 Makes you smarter.

01:00:13.000 I need one so bad, Jamie.

01:00:15.000 You do too.

01:00:16.000 I do as well.

01:00:18.000 I know.

01:00:19.000 I'll smoke a joint and drink and then try to make good points.

01:00:22.000 Dude, we're making great points.

01:00:24.000 Here we go.

01:00:25.000 1967. So the year I was born.

01:00:29.000 Interracial marriage in the United States has been fully legal in all U.S. states since 1967. There you go.

01:00:37.000 So it's like, that's not that long ago, man.

01:00:39.000 That's not that long ago.

01:00:40.000 Interesting history.

01:00:42.000 And we're still getting over it.

01:00:42.000 Yeah.

01:00:44.000 Yeah.

01:00:46.000 American Indians don't even start with that. 0.98

01:00:48.000 I'm obsessed.

01:00:50.000 You see that giant painting that I had out there, that Greg Overton painting?

01:00:53.000 No.

01:00:54.000 That big white Indian face when you walk in? 1.00

01:00:56.000 Yes.

01:00:57.000 I got obsessed with Native American history.

01:01:02.000 Obsessed.

01:01:03.000 I don't know much about it.

01:01:04.000 Can you enlighten me a little bit?

01:01:06.000 There's a book that you got to start with.

01:01:08.000 This is the one that'll get you.

01:01:09.000 It's called Empire of the Summer Moon by this guy S.G. Gwen. 0.99

01:01:12.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:01:14.000 It's all about the Comanches. 1.00

01:01:16.000 And all about how the Mexicans tricked people into settling into Texas because they knew the Comanches lived there and the Comanches were going to kill them. 0.99

01:01:23.000 They wanted a buffer between people and the Comanches. 1.00

01:01:25.000 So they gave them all this land.

01:01:26.000 They're like, Señor, this is a good place for you. 1.00

01:01:30.000 Send these poor bastards out to be slaughtered. 1.00

01:01:33.000 Wow. 1.00

01:01:34.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:01:35.000 It's the best book, I think.

01:01:37.000 In terms of a perception-shifting book, the best book I've ever read.

01:01:44.000 I actually listened to it on tape.

01:01:46.000 I never thought I was going to read.

01:01:48.000 I don't read anything.

01:01:50.000 I read mostly magazines.

01:01:51.000 I just mostly listen to books on tape.

01:01:54.000 But this one is so well written, it's so fascinating.

01:01:57.000 And the people that figured out how to conquer the Comanches, basically were the guys that figured out how to use pistols. 0.71

01:02:06.000 They had to change the way they did battle and they had to go against them on horseback.

01:02:10.000 Comanches were so good at fighting on horseback. 1.00

01:02:12.000 And these dumb Americans, you know, early Americans. 0.99

01:02:16.000 Why aren't you in a line? 1.00

01:02:18.000 They'd have to shoot their long rifle off their horse.

01:02:21.000 So they'd have to dismount from their horse, pull out their musket, boom!

01:02:24.000 And then they gotta repack it.

01:02:25.000 It takes a minute to repack it. 1.00

01:02:27.000 And these Indians were just fucking them up. 1.00

01:02:29.000 So they couldn't get past a certain point in the United States. 1.00

01:02:32.000 And that was Texas. 0.98

01:02:34.000 That's why Texas is so fucking fierce today. 0.99

01:02:36.000 Because the Texas Rangers were the first people that figured out how to fuck up the Comanches. 0.99

01:02:40.000 They lived like Comanches. 0.98

01:02:41.000 They made cold camps.

01:02:43.000 They didn't light fires. 1.00

01:02:44.000 They ate just bullshit. 1.00

01:02:45.000 They survived. 1.00

01:02:46.000 They dressed like...

01:02:48.000 Like regular people. 0.99

01:02:49.000 They did whatever the fuck they wanted and they figured out how to fight on horseback and then they figured out how to use a Colt revolver. 0.98

01:02:55.000 They were the only people using the revolver. 0.99

01:02:58.000 Nobody saw a use for something they could fire five times before it ran out of bullets.

01:03:03.000 So this guy invented this revolver when he was like I think he was like 16 years old or something crazy.

01:03:08.000 Yeah.

01:03:09.000 And the patent kind of floated around for a while and he made them, but nobody really wanted them.

01:03:13.000 But then these Rangers kept fighting these Comanches and they only had two muskets in their hand and one long one. 0.99

01:03:17.000 So they had three shots and they had to get the fuck out of there. 0.98

01:03:19.000 We can't beat these guys. 0.99

01:03:21.000 They have like 20 arrows. 1.00

01:03:22.000 This is fucked up. 0.99

01:03:23.000 And so this... 0.99

01:03:24.000 One guy got a hold of a Colt revolver, and then he goes, hey, I think we just changed the game. 0.88

01:03:30.000 They started fucking up these Indians on horseback, and they started conquering big chunks of land that the Comanches were dominating before. 1.00

01:03:39.000 It's a crazy story, man. 0.98

01:03:41.000 That's the best one to start with, because they were so ruthless to each other.

01:03:45.000 I will listen to it.

01:03:47.000 I read so slow.

01:03:49.000 I get panic attacks when there's subtitles in a movie.

01:03:51.000 I was in school.

01:03:53.000 My parents kept trying to make me read faster.

01:03:55.000 This was back before they saw if you had a reading problem. 1.00

01:03:58.000 You just were dumb. 1.00

01:03:58.000 You were an idiot. 1.00

01:04:00.000 Right. 1.00

01:04:00.000 Period. 1.00

01:04:01.000 And so they took me to this nun.

01:04:03.000 There were these nuns that had this reading machine that we heard about. 0.97

01:04:06.000 What?

01:04:07.000 Yeah.

01:04:08.000 So we drive like an hour and a half to go to this reading machine.

01:04:11.000 What did you think it was before you got there?

01:04:13.000 Magic.

01:04:14.000 I didn't know what it was going to be.

01:04:15.000 How old were you at the time?

01:04:18.000 14, maybe?

01:04:19.000 You go into a reading machine.

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:21.000 And so it's a nun.

01:04:22.000 Very sweet.

01:04:23.000 And it projects on the wall like one sentence at a time.

01:04:26.000 And it goes by...

01:04:27.000 At a certain speed.

01:04:28.000 It was like one through ten speeds.

01:04:30.000 And so she tests me where I am the first day.

01:04:32.000 And I'm level one.

01:04:34.000 I can only read the absolute slowest.

01:04:36.000 And she saw I was upset and she goes, don't worry, by the end of the summer you'll be on level ten.

01:04:42.000 And I was like, really?

01:04:43.000 So worked all summer.

01:04:45.000 End of the summer test.

01:04:46.000 Guess what level I was on?

01:04:48.000 Yes, I was on one.

01:04:48.000 I worked really hard.

01:04:50.000 And her faith in God dropped off her face.

01:04:56.000 I couldn't read and I still get angry when I read and I can't get it.

01:04:59.000 Still to this day?

01:04:59.000 I read like this.

01:05:00.000 I had to go back and then I go this way.

01:05:03.000 I'd guess words like I know how long believe is but sometimes it's a different anyway.

01:05:08.000 The problem is nobody recognized that you were actually a comedian that was trying to be a regular person.

01:05:13.000 Yeah.

01:05:14.000 I thought I was a normal person.

01:05:15.000 That was the problem.

01:05:16.000 They're like, what is he going to do?

01:05:17.000 I wish I was there.

01:05:19.000 Well, my...

01:05:20.000 I actually was very upset when I was like 12 years old.

01:05:23.000 I was voted class clown, but I wanted to be...

01:05:25.000 At that age, you want to be cool and liked by girls, you know?

01:05:28.000 Yes, for sure.

01:05:28.000 You don't want to be a clown.

01:05:29.000 Clown to me was bad. 0.84

01:05:31.000 I realized that's how they saw me. 0.97

01:05:33.000 It was like tiny.

01:05:34.000 They changed it to best personality because they heard that I was upset about it. 0.85

01:05:40.000 And then my mother proceeded to fill my room with clowns. 1.00

01:05:45.000 My room was filled and I didn't really have a voice back then. 0.89

01:05:45.000 Oh my god. 0.89

01:05:49.000 I didn't really, for whatever reason, I just let my mother fill my room with clowns. 0.97

01:05:53.000 There was one painting of a clown reading the Wall Street Journal and he was crying. 0.53

01:05:57.000 Like he had stock. 0.80

01:05:59.000 Like some clown had like stocks. 0.96

01:06:01.000 Oh my god. 0.90

01:06:03.000 Very upset about what was happening in the stock market.

01:06:06.000 I was so high, I couldn't remember Leanne Tweeden's name.

01:06:10.000 But how high was I? I was thinking, was it Luann?

01:06:13.000 But I know her.

01:06:14.000 She's nice.

01:06:15.000 She's a nice person.

01:06:16.000 The account of Robert Johnson's death is pretty crazy.

01:06:20.000 Let's hear it.

01:06:23.000 I just lost it.

01:06:25.000 I was looking at The Devil Legend 2, which is pretty interesting.

01:06:27.000 But...

01:06:29.000 He went down...

01:06:31.000 So those recordings he did were almost near the end of his life.

01:06:35.000 Because there wasn't obviously lots of recording back then.

01:06:39.000 It says he traveled to a plantation to perform at a dance party.

01:06:46.000 And he was poisoned by someone.

01:06:48.000 He was having an affair with the guy's wife.

01:06:51.000 The guy didn't know he had an ulcer.

01:06:54.000 So it said he wasn't trying to kill him.

01:06:56.000 He was trying to make him sick.

01:06:57.000 The ulcer made him really sick.

01:06:58.000 He bled.

01:06:59.000 Oh.

01:07:00.000 Then, the back of his death certificate, I'll let you read this part, because it adds to it a little bit.

01:07:07.000 It says it was written on the back of it, this part right here.

01:07:09.000 What part right here?

01:07:10.000 This paragraph in the middle.

01:07:11.000 I can't see that well.

01:07:13.000 Okay, it says, I talked with the white man whose place this Negro died, and I also talked with the Negro woman on the place. 0.93

01:07:19.000 The plantation owner said the Negro man, seemingly about 26 years old, came from Tunica two or three weeks before he died to play banjo at a Negro dance given there on the plantation.

01:07:29.000 He stayed in the house with some of the Negroes, saying he wanted to pick cotton. 0.99

01:07:34.000 The white man did not have a doctor for this Negro, and he had not worked for him.

01:07:42.000 He was buried in a homemade coffin furnished by the county.

01:07:44.000 The plantation owner said that was his opinion that he died of syphilis.

01:07:50.000 His sister then came, got him out of that coffin, tried to have his death looked into, and no one really looked into it.

01:07:57.000 And that's about the end of that.

01:07:58.000 So somebody might have poisoned him.

01:07:59.000 This wasn't found out until 30 years later.

01:08:02.000 They thought he just disappeared.

01:08:04.000 What?

01:08:05.000 Yeah.

01:08:05.000 What?

01:08:06.000 Death wasn't reported publicly.

01:08:08.000 He disappeared from the historical record and wasn't until like 30 years later.

01:08:11.000 Some people found his music and they dug into his life, found his death certificate, found out all this information way after the fact.

01:08:19.000 Wow.

01:08:21.000 So like this guy who everyone reveres as like one of the best musicians of all time.

01:08:26.000 Wow.

01:08:27.000 No formal autopsy was done.

01:08:30.000 Hmm.

01:08:31.000 It's the same time that's happening. 1.00

01:08:33.000 All that real shit. 1.00

01:08:34.000 Al Jolson's got white gloves on. 1.00

01:08:36.000 Right, making all that sweet cheese.

01:08:39.000 He's doing movies and people are clapping.

01:08:41.000 Yay, so talented.

01:08:43.000 Do you imagine what white guilt was like back then?

01:08:45.000 It must have been suffocating.

01:08:46.000 I don't think there was any.

01:08:47.000 None?

01:08:49.000 No. 1.00

01:08:49.000 The ones who were aware, they'd be like, oh my god, my race sucks. 1.00

01:08:53.000 Were they? 0.98

01:08:53.000 What did we do? 0.98

01:08:54.000 That's an interesting thing.

01:08:55.000 For the record, that was on Wikipedia that could have been organized in maybe the not most truthful way, but that's how it was put in place.

01:09:02.000 Right.

01:09:02.000 There's an album.

01:09:03.000 I didn't know any of that, man.

01:09:04.000 That's interesting.

01:09:05.000 I didn't know he was that young, too.

01:09:06.000 Yeah.

01:09:07.000 But it's kind of funny, man.

01:09:11.000 It's just weird that just a few years ago, Jimmy Kimmel, didn't he do like Karl Malone?

01:09:16.000 Didn't he do like an impression of Karl Malone?

01:09:18.000 Yeah, that is...

01:09:18.000 That was okay.

01:09:19.000 Interesting how...

01:09:22.000 What do you think about going back and canceling?

01:09:24.000 Well, it's hard because the context of the time is different.

01:09:27.000 When Jimmy Fallon was playing Chris Rock, I know you think it's offensive, but it wasn't universally considered offensive to pretend to be someone of a different race.

01:09:36.000 It wasn't automatically thought of as you're trying to be racist if you pretend you're Chris Rock, if you can do a Chris Rock impression and you put makeup on your face that makes you look like an African American.

01:09:48.000 It wasn't It wasn't necessarily racist because you were pretending to be an actual human being.

01:09:54.000 It used to be different.

01:09:54.000 Right.

01:09:55.000 Like, we thought of it differently.

01:09:56.000 Now, it's like universally thought across the board.

01:09:58.000 If you're a white person, you can't put black makeup on.

01:10:01.000 Everyone's agreed to that.

01:10:02.000 This is the new elevated standard.

01:10:04.000 And we all agree to it, right?

01:10:05.000 And if you did it now, that would be...

01:10:07.000 If you did it now, it's different.

01:10:07.000 That's different.

01:10:07.000 Right.

01:10:08.000 If you decided now, you're like, fuck you, your rules, man! 1.00

01:10:11.000 I'm fucking crazy! 1.00

01:10:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:13.000 You know, that's really what's going on. 1.00

01:10:15.000 And back then, it wasn't a problem.

01:10:18.000 People thought it was funny.

01:10:19.000 Like, oh my god, that's Jimmy Fallon pretending to be Chris Rock.

01:10:22.000 You could do it.

01:10:23.000 You could pretend to be Mr. T when I was in high school.

01:10:25.000 Like, when I was in high school, you could put makeup on your face, have gold chains around your neck, and you could pretend to be Mr. T. Did you ever do blackface just in the 80s?

01:10:34.000 I happened to not either.

01:10:34.000 No, I didn't.

01:10:35.000 I got lucky.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, but you're right.

01:10:38.000 It wasn't thought of as...

01:10:39.000 You didn't think, oh, I'm doing something bad.

01:10:41.000 No, you didn't.

01:10:42.000 I don't think they thought that.

01:10:43.000 And it's like, where does that end?

01:10:47.000 Like, hmm.

01:10:48.000 What can you not pretend to be?

01:10:51.000 As long as you...

01:10:53.000 Isn't intent what's really important?

01:10:55.000 I totally...

01:10:56.000 I absolutely think it is important.

01:10:58.000 I mean, I... I think...

01:11:01.000 Intent is what's important.

01:11:02.000 It should be.

01:11:04.000 When things become taboo and superpowered, they become very dangerous.

01:11:08.000 It's just weird because then people are so scared of saying it that they want to say it more.

01:11:13.000 And then the races have a more powerful weapon, too.

01:11:16.000 Yeah.

01:11:16.000 And we don't have to let go new ones.

01:11:19.000 You know, we've already lost certain words that we can never say again, even in jest, because they're so offensive that even uttering them is like an incantation for an ass-kicking. 1.00

01:11:29.000 You're going to call people to beat your ass. 1.00

01:11:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:32.000 Right?

01:11:33.000 I mean, that's really what it's like.

01:11:34.000 It's good to have that option.

01:11:35.000 But the real problem is intent.

01:11:38.000 It's like words are supposed to just be noises you make that let other people know what you're thinking.

01:11:45.000 That's all it's supposed to be.

01:11:46.000 And when a word becomes like a super powerful word or a deed becomes a super powerful deed, like a thing that doesn't really hurt anybody, like blackface. 0.99

01:11:55.000 When you decide, if you decided to be Mike Tyson for Halloween and you're an Italian guy and you had a fucking fake tattoo put on my fucking face, I'm fucking... 0.99

01:12:05.000 Well, champ. 0.99

01:12:06.000 People would only think it's funny.

01:12:08.000 You know, if that's your intent, especially if you're an actual Mike Tyson fan.

01:12:12.000 It's just weird that it's...

01:12:15.000 And it's because of their origins.

01:12:17.000 It's because of Al Jolson. 0.98

01:12:19.000 Al Jolson and his shitty movies for the whole reason. 1.00

01:12:22.000 Goddamn movies! 1.00

01:12:23.000 I mean, how many blackface people were there back then? 0.99

01:12:25.000 Was it that big of a deal?

01:12:27.000 I know there's an album cover with Judy Garland in blackface.

01:12:30.000 She was in blackface? 1.00

01:12:31.000 No.

01:12:32.000 On an album cover.

01:12:33.000 Oh, my God.

01:12:35.000 See, but if there was none of that, if it was just- Right.

01:12:39.000 Right?

01:12:40.000 If it never existed, if just black people did their music and they were just recognized as being musicians, and there was never a white guy who tried to pretend he's black and do it and steal their thunder, if that never existed at all- You think it wouldn't be a problem? 0.66

01:12:52.000 I don't think it would be a problem.

01:12:53.000 I'm not sure.

01:12:54.000 For the record, it didn't start with Al Jolson.

01:12:56.000 That was just the first time it was captured on film.

01:12:58.000 So that's the last record.

01:13:00.000 That's like the only thing we have to look at.

01:13:02.000 Oh, so how long had it been going on?

01:13:04.000 Since the 1830s.

01:13:05.000 Oh my god! 0.99

01:13:10.000 So dude, while slavery was still legal, white people were pretending to be black people on stage and singing shitty songs. 0.99

01:13:18.000 It's just like they're not even trying to look like black people though, which is weird. 0.98

01:13:22.000 They came up with a caricature cartoon.

01:13:25.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:13:27.000 Oh my god.

01:13:28.000 W.M.H. West's Big Minstrel Jubilee.

01:13:32.000 Now me, as a person, Just as a human being, I understand the context of what would be offensive about this and where we are today in 2020 and the progress we're making and all that stuff.

01:13:43.000 I just got to tell you, for me as a person, that is fascinating.

01:13:48.000 I am fascinated by this as just the evolution of an animal, of a human being, of a culture where we're seeing the people from that day.

01:13:59.000 What year is this?

01:14:00.000 That picture was from 1900, I think.

01:14:02.000 Okay, so 1900. So 120 years ago, the evolution of that version of a human being to our version of a human being.

01:14:11.000 We're very different from people that lived 120 years ago.

01:14:14.000 And this is a great example of how different we are.

01:14:17.000 When you see stuff from that time, it's like, I understand how it's offensive to people.

01:14:22.000 I get it.

01:14:22.000 I understand.

01:14:23.000 It should be offensive.

01:14:24.000 It should be offensive that people were treated that way.

01:14:26.000 It should be.

01:14:27.000 However, just as someone who's like watching, like if you were watching a bird and it exhibited really weird behavior a long time ago and then it stopped doing it, he'd be freaked out.

01:14:35.000 Like, wow, what happened?

01:14:37.000 Why'd they stop doing this?

01:14:38.000 Like, how did they evolve?

01:14:40.000 How are they different from the way they were back then? 0.98

01:14:43.000 If you got to, if you could fucking have a time machine and go back and watch a minstrel show, a live minstrel show, you and me, we get high as fuck. 0.97

01:14:53.000 We time travel. 0.99

01:14:54.000 We get in that time machine. 0.71

01:14:55.000 Could you imagine sitting there watching that crazy nonsense? 0.98

01:14:59.000 Like a white guy with like black paint all over his face and big exaggerated lips and he's got white gloves. 0.99

01:15:07.000 Singing these terrible songs. 0.55

01:15:12.000 Yeah.

01:15:13.000 It's weird that those things happen.

01:15:16.000 That would actually be a fascinating Oculus Rift game.

01:15:22.000 Wait a minute, what?

01:15:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:15:24.000 If you could put a game on, like one of those Oculus Rift things, if you could put a helmet on and it would just transport you back in time, not just to this place, but like to Egypt.

01:15:34.000 How about that?

01:15:35.000 How about you're in ancient Egypt?

01:15:38.000 In, like, 2000 BC with Cleopatra.

01:15:41.000 Yeah.

01:15:42.000 Actually, she lived in, like, the ADs.

01:15:44.000 10,000 AD? She lived in the ADs. 0.99

01:15:46.000 Cleopatra is not a good example. 0.99

01:15:49.000 I went to those festivals.

01:15:51.000 What do you call those?

01:15:52.000 Renaissance festivals?

01:15:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:15:53.000 Those are great.

01:15:53.000 And they were having this big, like, hear ye show!

01:15:56.000 And the guy's on stage, and there's people, you know, all dressed up watching.

01:16:00.000 And I wanted so bad to go up in my now clothes from backstage.

01:16:04.000 I could have got backstage.

01:16:05.000 Like, everybody, I'm from the future.

01:16:08.000 And they'd have to continue to pretend they're from the olden times and be like, in the future, people make fun of you and they do these festivals and they're a bunch of nerds who act like you.

01:16:17.000 And they would have to continue like, oh, you're from the future, sir.

01:16:21.000 They couldn't break character.

01:16:22.000 Anyway, I was too scared to do it.

01:16:23.000 Do you think they'll ever have a millennial festival like they have a renaissance festival? 0.99

01:16:27.000 That is so funny.

01:16:29.000 A millennial festival. 0.99

01:16:30.000 Everyone's just on their phone being a dick. 0.99

01:16:33.000 I'm an activist. 0.99

01:16:35.000 Look at all the hashtags I use.

01:16:38.000 You know what?

01:16:38.000 I think some version of that will happen.

01:16:42.000 We're kind of having 80s parties now.

01:16:45.000 Well, that's what I think about what's happening with us.

01:16:48.000 This is a good way to look at it.

01:16:50.000 We're talking about these ripples and waves and ups and downs, and we're experiencing a big crazy shift.

01:16:57.000 All that though, I think, on the other end, comes out better.

01:17:02.000 I think it comes out better for everybody.

01:17:03.000 I really do. 0.94

01:17:04.000 I think all this horrible shit that's happening to us right now as a culture needs to happen so we can be nicer to each other. 0.98

01:17:13.000 It's totally possible. 0.99

01:17:13.000 That would be great. 0.99

01:17:14.000 It's totally possible. 0.97

01:17:16.000 It can 100% be the outcome and I think it is going to be the outcome because if you look at all these people that are peacefully marching versus the people that are looting and all the crazy shit, the numbers are overwhelming. 0.93

01:17:26.000 Most people are peacefully marching. 0.77

01:17:28.000 I want people to...

01:17:29.000 My brother's a cop.

01:17:30.000 So I have like a...

01:17:32.000 You know, I really feel defensive of him because he's just such a good cop and a good guy.

01:17:37.000 And I just feel like, God, the news is just making things...

01:17:42.000 They're going a little overboard with...

01:17:43.000 Bro, they canceled Paw Patrol.

01:17:47.000 Do you understand this?

01:17:48.000 That's how serious they are.

01:17:49.000 Is that puppies being police?

01:17:50.000 Mm-hmm.

01:17:51.000 That's how seriously they are.

01:17:52.000 Well, one of them is also a fire person.

01:17:54.000 They have different jobs.

01:17:56.000 They canceled Paw Patrol because of the cop part.

01:18:00.000 That's insane.

01:18:00.000 Bro, they canceled cops.

01:18:02.000 They canceled the show cops.

01:18:04.000 The most reality of all reality shows.

01:18:07.000 That's a good way to show you what most cops are doing.

01:18:10.000 And most criminals.

01:18:11.000 We've got to know about...

01:18:15.000 The best confirmation that we ever got about Florida man came from cops. 0.99

01:18:20.000 All those accounts, the Twitter accounts and Instagram accounts that show all the crazy shit that Florida guys do. 0.99

01:18:26.000 Most of it came from that. 0.99

01:18:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:29.000 I want to...

01:18:30.000 It's also hard to even sort of bring interest in the conversation, cops and what they're dealing with.

01:18:37.000 Yes.

01:18:37.000 Because it's like you're not on the right side.

01:18:40.000 Like I am for Black Lives Matter.

01:18:44.000 But I also just want to introduce...

01:18:46.000 There's so much coming at cops right now.

01:18:49.000 I mean, they go up to these cars terrified.

01:18:51.000 Like how you go through a haunted house...

01:18:54.000 A lot of it is bad training.

01:18:57.000 They're really scared.

01:18:57.000 They're not getting enough training.

01:19:00.000 And they have a gun.

01:19:01.000 And so when you start wrestling with someone who's got a gun, suddenly who knows who has the gun.

01:19:06.000 From that point on, it's a...

01:19:07.000 And they don't have a whole lot of physical requirements on how much they learn martial arts or gun retention or any of that stuff.

01:19:14.000 Not enough.

01:19:15.000 And also, now you can't...

01:19:17.000 You know, to control the head, you control the body.

01:19:19.000 And now you can't...

01:19:21.000 Can't choke him anymore.

01:19:23.000 And look, and the guy who died, Eric Garner, Gardner?

01:19:27.000 That's the one in New York, yeah.

01:19:28.000 He actually, he didn't die from the chokehold, but I think a lot of people think he did.

01:19:31.000 They were sitting, they were like leaning on him.

01:19:33.000 He couldn't breathe.

01:19:34.000 But he was also being choked.

01:19:34.000 Yeah.

01:19:36.000 But no, but not while...

01:19:37.000 No, no, that was, listen...

01:19:39.000 That thing around the arm, around the head, no one stays there.

01:19:43.000 They don't stay there.

01:19:44.000 You have to hold them.

01:19:45.000 You have to squeeze them.

01:19:46.000 When you squeeze them, you're choking them.

01:19:47.000 If I hold you like that, I'm not putting you to sleep, but I'm slowly choking you.

01:19:53.000 If a guy has a guy the way that cop had Eric Gardner down, if I basically remember correctly, he was using a gable grip.

01:20:00.000 It wasn't a full rear-naked choke where he was choking him to sleep, but he was holding this across the neck.

01:20:06.000 And I would say anybody who doesn't think...

01:20:08.000 That that's a choke.

01:20:10.000 Let me put it on you.

01:20:11.000 Let me put it on you. 1.00

01:20:12.000 Lie on the ground, and I'll grab your neck like that. 1.00

01:20:14.000 I'm telling you, it's a choke. 0.91

01:20:15.000 I could be wrong, but I remember the video.

01:20:18.000 He did the choke, and once he got on the ground, he let the...

01:20:20.000 The guy actually didn't die from...

01:20:23.000 Do we have that video?

01:20:23.000 I think that one, you're correct.

01:20:25.000 I think Eric Gardner died from a heart attack.

01:20:28.000 They were leaning or sitting on them.

01:20:30.000 They were all over them.

01:20:31.000 But it was all so crazy because it was for loose cigarettes.

01:20:34.000 But my point is, if someone is holding your head like that, it's a choke.

01:20:40.000 It just is.

01:20:42.000 It's not a full choke where you're going to sleep.

01:20:45.000 But if someone has you in a position where they're on top of you, you're on your stomach, okay?

01:20:52.000 So all their weight is on you, which makes it very hard to breathe already.

01:20:56.000 Yeah, that guy's wrapping his arm right around his neck.

01:20:59.000 No, I'm saying he's on the ground.

01:21:00.000 His left arm in that one is not totally under the neck.

01:21:05.000 So that one is.

01:21:06.000 See how that is?

01:21:07.000 See, that is a choke. 1.00

01:21:09.000 Look at his hands.

01:21:10.000 See how his hands are gripped together?

01:21:12.000 Let me show you what I'm doing right here.

01:21:13.000 See this?

01:21:13.000 Look at this.

01:21:15.000 This is 100% a choke.

01:21:18.000 100%.

01:21:18.000 There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

01:21:20.000 That's a fucking choke. 0.99

01:21:22.000 And anybody who doesn't think that, let me put it on you. 1.00

01:21:24.000 That's a choke. 1.00

01:21:25.000 That's under the neck.

01:21:26.000 That's worse than I thought it was.

01:21:27.000 That is a 100% choke.

01:21:30.000 I could be wrong, but if you go forward in the video, I don't think the choke that he's doing on him...

01:21:37.000 I understand what you're saying.

01:21:38.000 He didn't do it for very long.

01:21:40.000 But here's the thing.

01:21:41.000 He shouldn't have done it at all, man.

01:21:42.000 That's the thing.

01:21:44.000 If that is what caused him to die, and we don't know if that was, or if it was the people on top of him, or was the stress of the event, or it was a combination of all those things.

01:21:52.000 But that had to play a factor.

01:21:54.000 That choking that dude and why?

01:21:57.000 Over loose cigarettes.

01:21:58.000 That's the most important part of that story.

01:22:00.000 Look, I'm not in defense of this situation.

01:22:05.000 I was just making the point that like sometimes when if you take away From a cop, the ability to...

01:22:13.000 I mean, also, they're not even gonna...

01:22:15.000 If you had a gun and someone is going after you, you have to assume they might kill you.

01:22:21.000 And you have to do anything you can in that situation.

01:22:24.000 Now, that situation is not a good example.

01:22:26.000 I was just making the point that he actually didn't die from that.

01:22:29.000 He died from there when they were, like, leaning on him and sitting on him.

01:22:32.000 But we don't know that, though.

01:22:34.000 Here's the thing, man.

01:22:35.000 The way he's on that guy's neck, that guy has big...

01:22:38.000 Look at the guy who's doing that.

01:22:39.000 Go back to that real quick for a second. 1.00

01:22:42.000 The guy who's doing that choke has some big ass fucking arms, dude. 1.00

01:22:46.000 He's got some big fucking strong... 1.00

01:22:48.000 Look at that guy's arm! 1.00

01:22:50.000 That's a strong motherfucker, man. 1.00

01:22:52.000 All those muscles around where his elbow is, that guy will choke the shit out of you. 1.00

01:22:56.000 Look at his shoulders. 0.98

01:22:57.000 Look at his triceps. 0.99

01:22:58.000 I am telling you, if that guy is trained in something, and it seems like he is, I guarantee you he's strong as fuck. 0.98

01:23:06.000 That is a rough thing to go through, my friend. 0.99

01:23:09.000 I'm telling you.

01:23:10.000 I don't deny it.

01:23:11.000 You can't say, if you're seeing that, you're definitely seeing that.

01:23:15.000 You're looking right at it.

01:23:16.000 You can't say that's not what killed him.

01:23:18.000 Because if that guy's holding on, I don't know how long he's holding on for.

01:23:21.000 But I think he's alive after this.

01:23:24.000 Maybe he had a heart attack because of that.

01:23:26.000 That's possible.

01:23:27.000 Because this dude is on him like a pit bull, and for what?

01:23:31.000 Loose cigarettes. 1.00

01:23:32.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:23:34.000 It's the craziest story. 1.00

01:23:35.000 I want to make it clear I'm not pro this story.

01:23:39.000 My point is that...

01:23:41.000 No, I know you're not.

01:23:42.000 But we forget what things really looked like.

01:23:42.000 Yeah, this...

01:23:46.000 I do it all the time.

01:23:47.000 I need to look at it again.

01:23:48.000 I go, oh, I didn't know it was like that.

01:23:50.000 Yeah, I have a...

01:23:51.000 I just like...

01:23:52.000 I just know if you're in a situation where...

01:23:56.000 What's up, Jamie?

01:23:56.000 The Paw Patrol thing, I was gonna say.

01:23:58.000 Did they bring it back? 0.60

01:23:59.000 It's a troll. 1.00

01:24:00.000 Oh, those motherfuckers got me! 1.00

01:24:01.000 No! 1.00

01:24:03.000 What happened?

01:24:03.000 They got me.

01:24:04.000 Paw Patrol was a troll.

01:24:06.000 They weren't really canceling Paw Patrol.

01:24:09.000 They got me. 1.00

01:24:10.000 You got me, you fucks. 1.00

01:24:11.000 But here's the thing, man. 1.00

01:24:12.000 The cops was...

01:24:13.000 Cops is real. 0.99

01:24:14.000 But in my eyes, there's something about cops that was always mocking these poor fucks that are getting arrested. 0.99

01:24:20.000 Even the theme song, bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? 0.99

01:24:24.000 What you gonna do when they come for you?

01:24:27.000 They made it funny. 0.99

01:24:28.000 They made it funny to watch these cops pull over these bumbling rednecks with those fucking red plastic cups and they're beating each other up. 1.00

01:24:35.000 Yeah, it's a great show. 1.00

01:24:36.000 It was a crazy show.

01:24:38.000 31 years.

01:24:39.000 It's probably the longest running show next to The Simpsons.

01:24:42.000 This is not a troll though.

01:24:44.000 This is breaking news.

01:24:45.000 California governor orders all citizens to wear face masks.

01:24:48.000 It's in all public places.

01:24:52.000 How did we go backwards?

01:24:54.000 I don't know.

01:24:54.000 I'll tell you how.

01:24:55.000 Protests.

01:24:56.000 No one's saying it.

01:24:58.000 Can't say it.

01:24:59.000 Don't spread it.

01:25:00.000 Don't worry. 1.00

01:25:00.000 Whatever you do, don't try to get your job back, you piece of shit. 1.00

01:25:03.000 Are you guys demonstrating? 1.00

01:25:04.000 You're killing grandma.

01:25:05.000 But protest, it's like, yay. 0.94

01:25:07.000 It's so weird.

01:25:08.000 They're making a difference.

01:25:09.000 Yeah.

01:25:10.000 And there's also like cops were these heroes. 1.00

01:25:14.000 You know, in the parades, frontline workers, and a week later, like, you're an asshole. 1.00

01:25:18.000 Well, all it takes is one or two bad cops, and there's two in a row now. 1.00

01:25:23.000 That guy in Atlanta.

01:25:24.000 Jamie was telling me the story that the guy knew that the taser that the gentleman stole from him and ran away from him and, like, pointed the taser at him when they shot him.

01:25:32.000 He knew the taser didn't work.

01:25:33.000 Oh, really?

01:25:34.000 He knew it had already been fired.

01:25:35.000 Apparently there's video, which I didn't see.

01:25:35.000 They have...

01:25:38.000 They've only shown photos.

01:25:39.000 After they shot him, they didn't do anything for like two minutes.

01:25:44.000 Or one of them tried to help, but the other one's like they stood on him.

01:25:47.000 Or someone kicked him.

01:25:48.000 I heard they kicked him.

01:25:49.000 I heard someone kicked him.

01:25:50.000 Dude, it's the best example for why we should have something other than the cops for drunk people.

01:25:56.000 Like someone who's like a nice guy who's a counselor comes in and talks to you.

01:26:00.000 Is it only one guy?

01:26:01.000 Yeah, he fell asleep in his car at the drive-thru.

01:26:03.000 Okay, we're gonna send Mike.

01:26:04.000 Mike's going to be like, hey man, you alright?

01:26:06.000 You alright?

01:26:07.000 But eventually Mike's probably going to have to call cops.

01:26:09.000 Maybe not.

01:26:10.000 Maybe Mike says, listen man, I'm going to give you a ride home.

01:26:12.000 We're going to park your car right here.

01:26:13.000 We're all good.

01:26:14.000 That's a good point.

01:26:15.000 I'll give you your keys.

01:26:16.000 Come back in the morning when you're sober.

01:26:17.000 Here's my number.

01:26:18.000 Call me.

01:26:18.000 I'll grab you.

01:26:19.000 I'll pick you up.

01:26:20.000 I'll bring you to the car.

01:26:21.000 Also homeless, maybe take that away from cops too. 0.99

01:26:24.000 Dealing with homeless people.

01:26:26.000 You're right, right?

01:26:27.000 That's a real different sort of crime.

01:26:30.000 That's like a systemic poverty crime thing.

01:26:34.000 There's something weird going on. 0.96

01:26:35.000 If that many people are homeless, how fucked up is the balance of your little community when 70,000 people are homeless? 0.96

01:26:46.000 LA has Boulder but homeless inside of it. 0.99

01:26:51.000 Really?

01:26:52.000 Close.

01:26:54.000 Boulder's like 100,000 people.

01:26:55.000 LA's got more than 70,000 and growing homeless people.

01:26:58.000 So the entire population of Boulder, no house, shove them into LA. And they have tents under the freeways and stuff.

01:27:06.000 They make little tent cities.

01:27:07.000 I don't want those people to have to live like that, but I don't want them to live there either.

01:27:11.000 You know, it's a two-pronged thing.

01:27:14.000 It's like...

01:27:15.000 How do you fix that?

01:27:17.000 I don't know how you fix it once it gets started.

01:27:19.000 You know, it's very difficult to give someone back their dignity and, you know, and to do it, you almost need one-on-one individual attention with someone who's like a counselor, a babysitter. 0.97

01:27:29.000 Someone's gonna straighten the person out and clean them up and get them to think better and get them to eat better and get them to drink water and stop shooting heroin into the dick and get a job. 1.00

01:27:41.000 You should never shoot in your dick. 1.00

01:27:42.000 That's what happened to Harvey Weinstein. 1.00

01:27:43.000 That's what I heard. 1.00

01:27:43.000 That's why he got a mushroom penis. 1.00

01:27:45.000 He's shooting things in his penis. 1.00

01:27:46.000 Well, I unfortunately googled that disease and, oh, you don't want to do it. 0.99

01:27:53.000 I don't even want to say what it's called, but it's a type of gangrene.

01:27:56.000 That diabetic men get, if they get an infection, they're...

01:28:01.000 When they get an infection, they get this horrible gangrene. 0.99

01:28:06.000 And there are some fucking images on... 0.98

01:28:09.000 There's some things that Google will censor, okay? 1.00

01:28:12.000 But not gangrene penis. 1.00

01:28:14.000 But not rotten dicks. 1.00

01:28:15.000 Rotten dicks. 1.00

01:28:16.000 It's open season. 0.99

01:28:16.000 Top of the search. 0.99

01:28:18.000 What about...

01:28:19.000 What is it called?

01:28:19.000 What's the type of gangrene called?

01:28:22.000 I don't know.

01:28:23.000 Everyone should know about it, but no one should go look it up.

01:28:27.000 I looked it up.

01:28:28.000 Don't listen to me.

01:28:29.000 Do whatever you want to do.

01:28:30.000 You just need to know it's a real thing. 1.00

01:28:32.000 And then someone texted me, it might have been Metzger, someone texted me that they heard it was because Harvey was shooting coke into his dick. 1.00

01:28:41.000 Yeah, that's what I heard. 1.00

01:28:42.000 So it's probably Mad Screen.

01:28:43.000 He probably heard it from you.

01:28:46.000 A circle of lies.

01:28:47.000 Fournieres or Fournieres?

01:28:49.000 It's a last name, I think, so it's capitalized.

01:28:51.000 So Fournieres Gangrene. 0.99

01:28:53.000 And it's gangrene of the dick, and you have been warned. 0.99

01:28:57.000 And it didn't slow him down. 0.99

01:28:58.000 You want to see a photo?

01:29:00.000 Absolutely.

01:29:01.000 I kept one on my phone because I was so confused. 1.00

01:29:04.000 Well, you need to be pretty close to a gangrene penis. 0.99

01:29:06.000 He had to get something injected by his assistants to... 1.00

01:29:09.000 To get his heart up.

01:29:10.000 Yeah.

01:29:10.000 Aren't you surprised that that didn't slow him down from his sexual assaults?

01:29:14.000 Holla at your boy. 0.81

01:29:16.000 No.

01:29:16.000 I don't even know what I'm looking at.

01:29:17.000 I'm not even offended because I don't know what I'm looking at.

01:29:19.000 Meatballs and sausage.

01:29:20.000 That's what you're looking at.

01:29:21.000 What's that tongue thing coming at? 1.00

01:29:23.000 Exactly.

01:29:24.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:29:24.000 Dude, that's a fully rotten asshole. 1.00

01:29:27.000 Like, that guy rotted out from the top of his dick to his asshole. 1.00

01:29:33.000 God. 1.00

01:29:33.000 I had a STD scare. 1.00

01:29:35.000 I don't have an STD. But this is what happened.

01:29:38.000 I woke up and the area right above my most precious area was a little puffy.

01:29:44.000 So I called the doctor.

01:29:45.000 The lady goes, what do you want to see the doctor for? 0.99

01:29:48.000 I didn't know what to say, but this is what came out of me.

01:29:51.000 I go, I have a puffy pubic area. 0.57

01:29:54.000 And she goes, eww.

01:29:57.000 Like, at receptions, at a doctor's office, their job is to make you feel like, oh, that's fine.

01:30:02.000 Puffy pubic area.

01:30:03.000 We get those all the time.

01:30:04.000 That's so funny.

01:30:05.000 Peter Power picked up puffy pubic areas.

01:30:06.000 Come on in.

01:30:07.000 So I'm like, oh, this is something she's never heard of?

01:30:10.000 Now I'm getting mobile.

01:30:11.000 So I go in there, and it's a little waiting room.

01:30:13.000 And I go up to the desk, and I go, Kyle Dunnigan?

01:30:16.000 Hopefully she'll see the chart and go, okay, sit down.

01:30:18.000 I got you.

01:30:19.000 And she goes, what are you here to see the doctor for?

01:30:21.000 Again.

01:30:21.000 And I'm like...

01:30:22.000 And I go, I have a puffy... 0.53

01:30:24.000 I have a puffy pubic area.

01:30:25.000 And she goes, oh, you talked to her.

01:30:27.000 Yeah, we were talking.

01:30:29.000 Like, they were...

01:30:30.000 Laughing and talking about it.

01:30:32.000 Oh, you talked to her.

01:30:34.000 Oh, we know that story.

01:30:36.000 Yeah, we were laughing all morning about that story.

01:30:39.000 About your puffy pubic area.

01:30:40.000 And everybody is hot, which made it worse.

01:30:42.000 And this nurse came out and she's like, Kyle Dunnigan.

01:30:44.000 And then she's walking me down the hallway and she goes, what are you here to see the doctor for? 0.98

01:30:47.000 And I was like, does anybody fucking communicate? 0.99

01:30:49.000 This sounds like a great porno. 1.00

01:30:51.000 All the girls are hot. 1.00

01:30:52.000 You got a puffy pubic area. 0.97

01:30:54.000 And she just tells you, this is going to sound crazy.

01:30:57.000 But it's because... 1.00

01:30:58.000 You have to get the cum out of your balls. 1.00

01:30:59.000 When was the last time you came? 1.00

01:31:01.000 And you're like, wow, I'm trying to not cum. 0.52

01:31:03.000 I mean, I'm doing this challenge for 30 days.

01:31:05.000 I want to respect women.

01:31:06.000 Oh my god, that's what it is. 1.00

01:31:08.000 Your cum is backed up. 0.99

01:31:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:10.000 Let's get Diane in here. 1.00

01:31:11.000 So your cum starts to work its way into your lower gut. 1.00

01:31:14.000 Michelle's got to work your balls to get out of there. 1.00

01:31:16.000 You have, like, a leaky cum container. 1.00

01:31:19.000 Like, your dispenser, it's like, it's just, you got too much in there, you know?

01:31:24.000 It's overflowing.

01:31:26.000 That is a great porno, and I don't want to dismiss that as a great porno. 0.98

01:31:30.000 So, the end of this story, the doctor comes in, and I'm in that paper roll, he opens up, looks down, looks up at me, and he goes, oh, you just got a little fat. 0.98

01:31:39.000 Right.

01:31:40.000 Then he left the room.

01:31:41.000 I got a little fat.

01:31:42.000 I didn't even notice.

01:31:43.000 That's all it is?

01:31:44.000 And I just wasted my day and humiliated myself.

01:31:47.000 That's all it is? 0.98

01:31:47.000 My puffy pubic area. 0.98

01:31:49.000 You were worried you were going to die. 0.88

01:31:51.000 Well, the reaction I was getting.

01:31:51.000 Yeah.

01:31:52.000 Al Capone style.

01:31:55.000 Well, that was the thing about Robert Johnson, too, right?

01:31:57.000 They said they'd think, oh, I think he had syphilis.

01:32:00.000 Yeah.

01:32:01.000 Somebody murdered that guy.

01:32:03.000 What are the symptoms of...

01:32:04.000 I like to be a hypochondriac.

01:32:06.000 Oh, you don't want to get into this one.

01:32:07.000 We've discussed this one too many times on the podcast.

01:32:10.000 Sorry.

01:32:10.000 Oh, all right.

01:32:11.000 Okay, I'm going to do it anyway.

01:32:12.000 Do you know what the term big wig...

01:32:15.000 I like it.

01:32:16.000 Sounds good.

01:32:16.000 Do you know what it comes from?

01:32:17.000 Because people, they lost their hair, they were wigs.

01:32:19.000 From syphilis.

01:32:20.000 And it came from these two French dudes. 1.00

01:32:23.000 Cousins or some shit? 0.99

01:32:23.000 I think, what are they? 0.99

01:32:24.000 I forget.

01:32:26.000 That's an accent you can still do.

01:32:27.000 But they were, yeah, you can do that.

01:32:29.000 You're not even a racist.

01:32:30.000 No one will hate me if I'm doing this.

01:32:31.000 Nobody cares.

01:32:32.000 No one cares at all.

01:32:33.000 You can do Italian, too. 1.00

01:32:35.000 Hey, this fucking guy over here! 0.99

01:32:37.000 We're the last! 1.00

01:32:37.000 We're the last to go! 1.00

01:32:39.000 We're the last of Mohicans!

01:32:41.000 I don't think you'll ever not be able to pick on Italians. 1.00

01:32:41.000 Nobody cares. 1.00

01:32:43.000 So what is it?

01:32:44.000 It was Louis XIV and his cousins.

01:32:47.000 So they had syphilis. 1.00

01:32:49.000 Their fucking hair is falling out in giant clumps. 1.00

01:32:51.000 Their teeth are falling out of their head. 1.00

01:32:52.000 Like when people had syphilis, they just rotted apart.

01:32:55.000 And when their hair was falling out, they just got a crazy wig.

01:32:58.000 And the more money you had, the bigger the wig you could get.

01:33:01.000 Ah, big wigs. 0.98

01:33:03.000 So all these other people got syphilis too, and then wigs became like a thing of fashion anyway. 0.99

01:33:07.000 I bet back then people just fucked everybody. 1.00

01:33:11.000 Everybody just fucked everybody. 0.99

01:33:12.000 What else are you gonna do? 1.00

01:33:15.000 Pedophilia was rampant, right?

01:33:18.000 There's all these stories of like hundreds and hundreds of years ago where pedophilia and man-boy love, like it was normal.

01:33:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:33:27.000 Guys had like little boyfriends, like famous philosophers had like a little boy that they would fuck. 0.99

01:33:34.000 Yeah, like just imagine that shift in culture, you know? 0.99

01:33:38.000 That was a good thing to get rid of, I think.

01:33:40.000 For sure, but the Catholic Church disagrees.

01:33:43.000 Yeah.

01:33:44.000 That's a whole thing we could talk about.

01:33:47.000 A tax on the powder they used on the hair to cover up the smell is what stopped it.

01:33:53.000 Like the fat of...

01:33:54.000 The tax on the powder.

01:33:56.000 So the powder became too expensive.

01:33:57.000 The smelly powder stopped the smell. 1.00

01:33:59.000 Imagine everybody smelled like perfumey, stinky pussy. 1.00

01:34:04.000 Like their hair was like a foot. 1.00

01:34:05.000 And they just had perfume all over the foot. 1.00

01:34:08.000 A stinky, rotten, fucking marathoner's foot. 1.00

01:34:11.000 You're... 1.00

01:34:13.000 You're better off being a very poor person.

01:34:18.000 I don't know if this is an entire show, but I would rather be someone who's just got a studio apartment, who makes 40 grand, whatever, than be a king back then. 0.54

01:34:28.000 You would be a king.

01:34:29.000 Imagine if you could just tell these people, if you were in ancient Europe, and you were like, I'm going to show you how I live!

01:34:36.000 You got in the shower, you turned it on, like, oh my god, now I'm going to watch TV. Oh, look, they're pumping his fucking wig with powder. 0.99

01:34:43.000 That guy's really leaning into it. 0.99

01:34:44.000 So these dudes would all, like, lose not just their hair, but their teeth would fall out.

01:34:49.000 They would get holes in their face.

01:34:50.000 And there's all these pictures.

01:34:52.000 Oh, there's Lindsey Fiteris.

01:34:54.000 Yeah, well, that's our clip we're talking about before.

01:34:55.000 Yeah, we can show our own clip.

01:34:57.000 See that image of that dude's head?

01:34:59.000 That guy's head was falling apart like that because of syphilis.

01:35:03.000 He was literally...

01:35:04.000 His skin was rotting apart.

01:35:06.000 That's how...

01:35:07.000 Apparently, that's how Al Capone died.

01:35:10.000 Oh, really?

01:35:11.000 Yup. 0.99

01:35:12.000 Fucked up. 0.99

01:35:12.000 But then wigs became fashionable, right? 0.99

01:35:14.000 Yes.

01:35:14.000 Because everyone in a wig.

01:35:15.000 Wigs became fashionable. 0.99

01:35:17.000 God damn it, that lady lost her nose. 1.00

01:35:18.000 That's so crazy looking. 1.00

01:35:20.000 That is so crazy looking.

01:35:23.000 Just a big hole where your nose used to be. 1.00

01:35:25.000 But people have like holes in their cheeks and shit. 1.00

01:35:27.000 Yeah, like eat your skin. 1.00

01:35:29.000 Yeah, and then they would die.

01:35:29.000 It's terrible, man.

01:35:31.000 I wish I had some way to eat my nose. 0.94

01:35:33.000 Shut it off, Jamie! 0.84

01:35:34.000 Shut it off! 1.00

01:35:35.000 That's somebody's skull. 0.94

01:35:36.000 Yeah, I mean, it would rot right through you.

01:35:38.000 It's really spooky stuff.

01:35:40.000 We got rid of that, though.

01:35:41.000 So anybody who doesn't like vaccines, like, hey, settle down!

01:35:45.000 Settle down! 0.98

01:35:46.000 Leave Bill Gates alone!

01:35:47.000 Yeah.

01:35:49.000 Yeah, man.

01:35:50.000 I've had this gentleman, Dr. Peter Hotez.

01:35:52.000 He's a vaccine advocate.

01:35:55.000 He's a doctor.

01:35:56.000 He's an expert in tropical diseases.

01:35:59.000 He was on the podcast talking about COVID and stuff like that.

01:36:01.000 And he gets very angry when people spout mistruths about vaccines.

01:36:07.000 You have to look at the good and the bad.

01:36:09.000 You have to be real honest about what happens with any kind of medication. 0.99

01:36:15.000 But with vaccines, oh my god, we've fixed so many fucking problems. 0.96

01:36:19.000 Your kids don't have to worry about polio anymore. 0.99

01:36:22.000 You don't have to worry about smallpox anymore.

01:36:24.000 Smallpox killed everybody! 0.99

01:36:26.000 There was so much shit that was just killing people until they figured out vaccines. 0.99

01:36:30.000 It's just people who aren't aware of that history or they don't really sink in. 1.00

01:36:36.000 They're rightfully distrustful of a corrupt government.

01:36:39.000 That's why. 1.00

01:36:40.000 So they hear about vaccines like, it's fucking Bill Gates trying to put a microchip in me. 0.99

01:36:44.000 What is that idea about Bill Gates? 0.99

01:36:46.000 I mean, to me, I can't even figure out.

01:36:49.000 He's spent so much of his money helping people.

01:36:52.000 Something happened.

01:36:53.000 Bill Gates became a bad guy.

01:36:55.000 He spent so much of his money.

01:36:57.000 Not enough, Bill. 1.00

01:36:58.000 You fuck... 1.00

01:37:00.000 I mean, would you do that? 1.00

01:37:01.000 You got $60 billion.

01:37:03.000 Are you giving away $50 billion?

01:37:04.000 I think it's good, even if he gives his kids money, it's good he's not telling them that he's giving them any money.

01:37:08.000 Dude, the moment I hit $50 billion, I'm going to live like I'm in a Jay-Z video.

01:37:12.000 I'm just going to get a giant yacht, and I'm going to have gold underwear, and I'm going to have a bottle of Dom in each hand.

01:37:17.000 Like that song, Big Pimpin'.

01:37:19.000 You're waiting for $50 billion?

01:37:22.000 Yeah, that's the number.

01:37:23.000 I think a billion are good.

01:37:24.000 No, because you have to have goods, land, you have to have a lot of things planned out. 1.00

01:37:28.000 These fucking crooks out there are not planned. 1.00

01:37:31.000 Is that the number, 50 billion, when you can relax? 1.00

01:37:33.000 I don't know what a number is when you can relax, but at that number, I'd say yes.

01:37:38.000 I think. 0.99

01:37:39.000 But even then, those fucking dudes always feel like they need more. 1.00

01:37:42.000 There you are. 1.00

01:37:44.000 When all those other dudes got yachts, Jay-Z got a fucking cruise ship. 0.99

01:37:50.000 I forgot that there was someone walking around with the Dom Peeler. 0.99

01:37:52.000 Come on, man.

01:37:53.000 This is what I'm talking about.

01:37:54.000 That would be me.

01:37:57.000 Just dancing all day.

01:37:59.000 But here's the thing, man.

01:38:00.000 The real thing.

01:38:00.000 This is appealing because you can't have it.

01:38:04.000 And the only time that feels good is when you do other shit that's hard. 0.98

01:38:08.000 If you're just doing that every day, I swear to God, you won't be happy. 0.99

01:38:11.000 It sounds fucked up, but you gotta trust me. 0.98

01:38:13.000 Human beings need puzzles. 0.99

01:38:15.000 We need to solve things.

01:38:16.000 We need games to win.

01:38:17.000 We need things to do.

01:38:19.000 We need books to write.

01:38:20.000 We need things to accomplish.

01:38:21.000 We need goals that we set.

01:38:23.000 We gotta achieve them.

01:38:24.000 If you don't do that, you're not gonna be happy.

01:38:26.000 And it's a big problem with people today.

01:38:27.000 And if every day was like Big Pimpin', you would get bored.

01:38:30.000 Big Pimpin' is for the weekends. 0.99

01:38:32.000 You bust your ass Monday through Friday, and you fucking put the pedal to the metal, and then, you know... 1.00

01:38:38.000 I mean, you look at rich kids that are disasters. 1.00

01:38:41.000 It's really not...

01:38:43.000 It's terrible.

01:38:43.000 I even...

01:38:44.000 I think you'd be really sad just giving a huge house.

01:38:48.000 You just would be sitting in this big house by yourself.

01:38:51.000 Yeah, you don't want a huge house, man.

01:38:52.000 Ugh.

01:38:53.000 Not if you're one dude in particular.

01:38:55.000 If you're Batman and you're living in one giant castle by yourself.

01:38:59.000 That's just...

01:38:59.000 No, if you're Batman.

01:39:00.000 Come on, man.

01:39:01.000 You can't be...

01:39:01.000 You're so moody.

01:39:02.000 You got Robin.

01:39:02.000 I wonder why you're so moody.

01:39:04.000 Yeah, but I don't even think he hangs out with Robin.

01:39:06.000 I think he...

01:39:07.000 I think Robin are cool.

01:39:08.000 They do the call.

01:39:08.000 I don't know about that.

01:39:09.000 They Zoom. 0.99

01:39:10.000 He's like, I might have to keep rescuing this fucking guy. 1.00

01:39:12.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:39:12.000 He does have to sort of carry the weight there. 0.99

01:39:14.000 Always going to save him. 0.99

01:39:15.000 He never pulls his own fucking weight, this Robin. 0.99

01:39:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:17.000 Do you remember the Batman movie with Alicia Silverstone? 0.99

01:39:21.000 That was maybe the worst movie ever.

01:39:23.000 Batman and Robin it was called.

01:39:25.000 I auditioned for that movie.

01:39:26.000 Oh, that's the gentleman who's on that LL Cool J cop show.

01:39:30.000 I don't know that.

01:39:31.000 Right?

01:39:33.000 Schwarzenegger was in it.

01:39:35.000 Yeah.

01:39:36.000 I will freeze you, guy.

01:39:37.000 Right, right, right.

01:39:38.000 But that guy was Robin.

01:39:41.000 Oh.

01:39:42.000 He was Robin.

01:39:43.000 What's his name?

01:39:44.000 Chris O'Donnell.

01:39:45.000 And he's on that cop show with LL Cool J. Oh.

01:39:48.000 I missed that one.

01:39:49.000 That's canceled. 0.99

01:39:50.000 Who to this day, going back to Cali, is in my fucking playlist. 0.99

01:39:52.000 Hey. 0.99

01:39:53.000 When I'm working out, I like that song.

01:39:54.000 Her bikini, small.

01:39:56.000 Heels, tall.

01:39:58.000 She said she likes the ocean.

01:40:00.000 Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. 1.00

01:40:01.000 That's a fucking great song, man. 1.00

01:40:03.000 It's a great workout song. 1.00

01:40:05.000 I put on Rocky music.

01:40:06.000 Oh, you're hardcore.

01:40:07.000 Yeah, I go right to it.

01:40:08.000 Too much trumpet for me.

01:40:10.000 It's a lot of trumpets.

01:40:11.000 Too needy.

01:40:12.000 I get really pumped up when I hear a trumpet, though.

01:40:14.000 Yeah, well, if you were running and Rocky came on, yeah, I would see it, though.

01:40:18.000 But in the regular world, you don't want to listen to it.

01:40:21.000 What were we talking about?

01:40:22.000 I forgot.

01:40:24.000 I think we were talking about something. 0.97

01:40:27.000 And then we got on to our workout music, and I'm fucking ready. 0.92

01:40:29.000 Do we get into something important? 0.92

01:40:31.000 Yeah!

01:40:32.000 It's not really possible.

01:40:33.000 Partying on the weekend.

01:40:34.000 Dude, I'm so glad to do this podcast with you.

01:40:36.000 I've been having all these serious podcasts lately.

01:40:37.000 Thank you for having me.

01:40:38.000 I can't handle it.

01:40:40.000 Yesterday was my friend Brett Weinstein. 0.99

01:40:42.000 He's an evolutionary biologist and one of the smartest fucking people I've ever met. 0.98

01:40:47.000 So it goes from him to this goofy conversation. 0.98

01:40:49.000 It's awesome.

01:40:49.000 Well, that's what I feel...

01:40:51.000 Like, bad people listening hear so many smart people.

01:40:55.000 Yeah, but they want funny people too. 0.99

01:40:57.000 Not that I'm an idiot, but I'm clearly misinformed. 0.78

01:41:00.000 And also we've been smoking, which is, I don't approve of this. 0.98

01:41:06.000 People like fun.

01:41:07.000 Yeah.

01:41:08.000 We have fun. 0.94

01:41:09.000 We're Americans, goddammit. 0.97

01:41:11.000 Goddammit, that's right. 0.98

01:41:11.000 And I bought a surfboard that came today, and I'm going surfing. 0.98

01:41:14.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:41:14.000 You're going surfing? 1.00

01:41:15.000 Can I surf?

01:41:15.000 No.

01:41:16.000 You should get a lesson.

01:41:17.000 Don't die.

01:41:18.000 I like you. 0.96

01:41:18.000 You can't die. 0.96

01:41:19.000 I really want you to survive.

01:41:20.000 You can't die surfing.

01:41:21.000 You definitely can die surfing.

01:41:21.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:41:22.000 You definitely can die. 0.99

01:41:23.000 You've never surfed, sir. 0.68

01:41:25.000 You're right.

01:41:26.000 But I do know people who have told me they almost died surfing.

01:41:29.000 How did they die surfing? 0.99

01:41:31.000 They got hit with the fucking wave and brought under, and they didn't think they were going to get back up. 1.00

01:41:35.000 Dude... 0.99

01:41:36.000 Come on, man.

01:41:37.000 Wow.

01:41:37.000 You think I'd knock out from a surfboard?

01:41:40.000 Come on.

01:41:42.000 You know, the scariest thing I ever heard anybody talk about with the ocean was not just that this guy died.

01:41:49.000 In San Diego, they were all training for like a triathlon and he got bit in half by a shark in front of everybody.

01:41:56.000 Full on half? 0.98

01:41:58.000 Full on Great White just takes him and fucking rips him in half in front of everybody. 0.99

01:42:03.000 And you're awake. 0.99

01:42:04.000 And you're in the water and you are hundreds of yards from the shore.

01:42:08.000 And the guy next to you just exploded with a sea monster, just jumped out and ripped him in half.

01:42:15.000 And you know blood fuels shark frenzies.

01:42:18.000 Yeah.

01:42:18.000 And you go real slow.

01:42:19.000 You can't really even swim fast. 1.00

01:42:22.000 At your fastest, you're fucked! 1.00

01:42:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:24.000 And you're trying to maintain a certain pace because you don't want to run out of gas.

01:42:26.000 Yeah.

01:42:26.000 Right?

01:42:26.000 You don't want to be exhausted.

01:42:28.000 You don't want to splash around either like a wounded seal.

01:42:30.000 Oh my god.

01:42:31.000 Well, um...

01:42:34.000 My friend Peter Atiyah, he swam those waters shortly afterwards because he's preparing for some crazy Hawaiian swim where he swam from like Maui to the Big Island.

01:42:43.000 What was the distance he swam?

01:42:45.000 Something really insane.

01:42:47.000 He swam from Maui to the Big Island.

01:42:50.000 I think he might have swam to Lanai as well.

01:42:53.000 He tried to do it all in one day.

01:42:55.000 So he's in these shark-infested waters, tiger sharks all around Hawaii, and they're real aggressive.

01:43:01.000 That's where he's going to go swim after he's training for swimming, right where the guy got bit in half by a shark like a week ago.

01:43:08.000 Why would he do that?

01:43:11.000 I don't know, man.

01:43:12.000 I don't know.

01:43:13.000 People are different.

01:43:14.000 Anyway.

01:43:15.000 People are different.

01:43:16.000 You should come surfing with me, dude.

01:43:17.000 I'm scared.

01:43:18.000 Are you scared of sharks?

01:43:20.000 100%.

01:43:20.000 Yeah, because you are a potential prey when you get in the water.

01:43:23.000 Yeah, I'm a pussy. 1.00

01:43:24.000 I'm not into getting eaten by a shark. 1.00

01:43:27.000 I just don't think you have many options for survival if one tries to get you.

01:43:33.000 I think you underestimate my speed.

01:43:35.000 I know.

01:43:35.000 I know you're fast.

01:43:36.000 I'm very quick, especially underwater.

01:43:39.000 I think a seal's gonna sell you out and push you towards a shark.

01:43:42.000 That's what I'm worried about.

01:43:43.000 You should probably surf with a seal.

01:43:45.000 Just hide your seal. 1.00

01:43:46.000 Just fucking throw him in the water. 1.00

01:43:47.000 We'll just get the seal first. 1.00

01:43:49.000 Yeah, it'll be like, oh, he loves seals.

01:43:52.000 Like, this is Kyle and this is his buddy, the seal.

01:43:54.000 Really, the seal's just there. 1.00

01:43:55.000 It's a fucking shark! 1.00

01:43:56.000 Boom! 1.00

01:43:56.000 And they catch you. 1.00

01:43:57.000 TMZ catches you kicking the seal into the water.

01:43:59.000 TMZ. And the shark snatches it up.

01:44:01.000 Does TMZ get you?

01:44:04.000 Do they get me?

01:44:04.000 You know, paparazzi.

01:44:06.000 I've talked to the TMZ. Most of the TMZ guys, a lot of them were comics.

01:44:10.000 So you'd run into them at the airport.

01:44:11.000 And they were usually pretty cool.

01:44:13.000 Good guys.

01:44:14.000 They're just doing a job.

01:44:16.000 It's just a weird...

01:44:17.000 Look, it's weird to not be famous and to see famous people and go, why can't I film them?

01:44:23.000 Yeah, they have a great life.

01:44:24.000 It's right there.

01:44:25.000 I want to film them.

01:44:26.000 It seems like...

01:44:28.000 But the TMZ people, honestly, they've always been pretty respectful.

01:44:32.000 If you tell them, you know, I'm too exhausted, I can't answer this complicated question after I just flew all night, you know?

01:44:39.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:44:40.000 Because that's what a lot of it is, right? 0.87

01:44:41.000 If you're fucking coming out of an airport, and you're high on edibles, which I usually am, that's how I'm flying, and I have a Starbucks in my hand, and I'm listening to Jimi Hendrix, and some dude asked me, you know, what do you think about Black Lives Matter? 0.93

01:44:53.000 I'm like, whoa, this is a loaded question right here. 0.98

01:44:56.000 You know or anything any any important issue where you could be like, you know, what do you think about it?

01:45:01.000 Biden or Trump?

01:45:02.000 What do you what kind of answer am I going to give you? 1.00

01:45:04.000 High as fuck holding on to a Starbucks? 0.99

01:45:06.000 It is the worst time to be drilled especially if you don't When you're flying you got to just accept the fact that you're flying, right? 0.99

01:45:15.000 You just sit there and you sit there and you listen to music or you look at a movie on your laptop You're basically just sitting there chilling you're like you accept where you are and then you get off You get your coffee, you start walking, and there's a question about life.

01:45:28.000 I'm not thinking about life.

01:45:30.000 I'm just chilling.

01:45:31.000 I'm trying to not think.

01:45:33.000 This is my not think time.

01:45:35.000 This is not like I'm going to do a podcast.

01:45:37.000 Let me wake up and get ready to do a podcast.

01:45:40.000 Or I'm about to stand up.

01:45:41.000 Let me ramp my brain up.

01:45:42.000 No, this is like getting off of a plane.

01:45:44.000 I'm going to give you the worst answers ever. 0.99

01:45:46.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. 0.99

01:45:48.000 And I think people go to you a little bit. 0.99

01:45:51.000 Because of your podcast.

01:45:52.000 They go to you for answers.

01:45:53.000 They'll ask Kendall Jenner something different than they're going to ask you, probably.

01:45:58.000 I'm not a guy for answers, trust me.

01:46:00.000 I'm a guy that can point you to people that might have answers, but I'm not the answer.

01:46:04.000 You've got a wide range of knowledge, though.

01:46:07.000 Yeah, but it doesn't glue together right.

01:46:09.000 It's scattered.

01:46:10.000 It's basically inoperable.

01:46:13.000 It's great for bringing things up on a podcast.

01:46:16.000 It's not great for real-world applications.

01:46:18.000 I just have weird facts about the Comanches stored in my head.

01:46:24.000 I know science things, which is completely useless.

01:46:27.000 But it's not.

01:46:28.000 That's the whole reason why we're here.

01:46:30.000 I don't know why people aren't as fascinated with science as I am.

01:46:32.000 They should be.

01:46:33.000 It is.

01:46:34.000 It's amazing that we make actual discoveries that I think are even more magical than some of the religion stories.

01:46:40.000 And people don't...

01:46:42.000 They're almost like scientists are elite nerds or something.

01:46:46.000 They're not cool to people.

01:46:47.000 I think without science...

01:46:50.000 You would just be in the woods pooping in a hole and you'd die in a week.

01:46:54.000 Well, I think we've got two things going on simultaneously.

01:46:56.000 We have the biological needs, okay?

01:46:59.000 And biological needs mean that, like, men are still in some way rewarded for being, like, big, strong, physical specimens, like a big football player or, you know, some elite athlete.

01:47:15.000 It's like, biologically, a woman's body will tell her, like, that is a man to breed with. 0.96

01:47:21.000 I'm going to make strong offspring.

01:47:23.000 There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

01:47:24.000 It is what it is.

01:47:26.000 No, you're right.

01:47:27.000 Yeah.

01:47:27.000 So, because of that, these guys have the resources and the bandwidth to create all the things they create.

01:47:35.000 Dumb guys who get a lot of pussy ain't inventing shit. 1.00

01:47:38.000 I don't have any time. 1.00

01:47:40.000 I'm not thinking that way.

01:47:41.000 There's an app that makes me handsome.

01:47:43.000 And I'll be Zooming, recording stuff with Kurt.

01:47:47.000 And I'll tell you, I relax.

01:47:49.000 I get confident.

01:47:51.000 And just because my jaw is slightly bigger.

01:47:54.000 I get a whole new personality.

01:47:56.000 I realize I developed this personality because of the face I just was given.

01:48:01.000 But on the other hand, one of the reasons why you're so funny is the perspective of life that you have coming from someone who's not totally happy with your appearance.

01:48:10.000 No, I was just very tiny and it did not go well for me.

01:48:15.000 And my sister wanted a sister. 0.98

01:48:17.000 So when I was born, I was constantly dressed up in makeup as a girl and she'd call me Kyleena.

01:48:22.000 And I had to live as like a girl.

01:48:25.000 My whole life I've had women just like... 1.00

01:48:28.000 Like, on me, just telling me what to do.

01:48:30.000 And I ended up like...

01:48:32.000 I took tap and jazz with my mother.

01:48:35.000 I didn't want to do that.

01:48:36.000 Oh my god.

01:48:37.000 I went to get the tap shoes and the guy was like, one day we'll see you on Broadway.

01:48:41.000 I remember thinking like, I don't want to...

01:48:43.000 I think they kind of raised me to be like a woman.

01:48:47.000 This sounds like the beginning of a biography of a serial killer.

01:48:51.000 Yes.

01:48:52.000 This is what it sounds like.

01:48:53.000 I still haven't.

01:48:54.000 Just tortured by your mom.

01:48:56.000 You wanted to play baseball, go fishing, and she's like, put on this dress! 1.00

01:49:00.000 I'm going to raise a gay man if it's the last of me. 1.00

01:49:02.000 I remember my parents found a nude magazine. 0.99

01:49:05.000 They weren't even nude.

01:49:05.000 They were women in underwear under my bed.

01:49:07.000 My dad was like a little relieved.

01:49:10.000 Not that he would ever be against me being gay, but he was like, I thought you were gay, but he didn't want me to have a life probably.

01:49:17.000 Right.

01:49:18.000 I mean, look, I'm built like not a tough man.

01:49:23.000 I'm not built like I'm proud to be one of your softest friends.

01:49:29.000 But didn't you tell me that you're doing a prison workout?

01:49:32.000 Yeah, now I'm going to be huge by the end of COVID. I'll be huge.

01:49:34.000 What are you doing?

01:49:35.000 Trying to keep up with your friends? 1.00

01:49:36.000 You said you were gluing rocks together and shit? 0.99

01:49:37.000 I got bricks, wrapped them in duct tape, gorilla duct tape. 0.99

01:49:40.000 Really?

01:49:41.000 And you're lifting weights with bricks?

01:49:43.000 Yeah, I'm getting...

01:49:44.000 I'll be huge by the end of this.

01:49:45.000 You really could do that.

01:49:47.000 It's actually...

01:49:48.000 It's getting all the muscles, you know?

01:49:51.000 I read a story once where there was a guy who was talking about how to become a power lifter.

01:49:55.000 He was explaining to people what to do to become a power lifter.

01:49:58.000 And one of the pieces of advice he was giving is get a manual labor job.

01:50:03.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:50:04.000 He was literally saying, if you want to get really strong, you want to lift at night after work, but you want to work all day picking up bricks and shit. 0.71

01:50:11.000 This guy, his strategy for being a stronger power lifter was get a job carrying rocks all day. 0.96

01:50:17.000 Yeah.

01:50:18.000 I bought all these ficus plants from my front yard, like 13 of them.

01:50:22.000 And they were like, you want us to help you dig a hole?

01:50:24.000 I'm like, I got it.

01:50:26.000 I swear, the dirt was so hard.

01:50:28.000 It took me about three hours per hole.

01:50:30.000 And I just did it because I was like, this is great exercise.

01:50:32.000 Great exercise. 0.99

01:50:33.000 And holy crap. 0.97

01:50:35.000 My doctor, Dr. Mark Gordon, he's been on this podcast before. 0.99

01:50:39.000 He actually does that for exercise.

01:50:41.000 He'll go out in his backyard and just dig a hole.

01:50:42.000 Yeah, digging a hole gets pretty much everything.

01:50:45.000 And I go, what are you doing with the hole?

01:50:46.000 He goes, nothing.

01:50:47.000 Fill it in.

01:50:47.000 Just digging a hole.

01:50:48.000 I'm doing it for exercise. 0.99

01:50:49.000 No, that man's insane. 0.99

01:50:50.000 No, he's not. 0.95

01:50:50.000 He should get a project, though, at least. 0.95

01:50:52.000 No, he's a bright man.

01:50:53.000 He realizes that, first of all, when you think about digging a hole, like, honestly, as someone, I mean, I'm not a kinesiologist, but I understand a little bit about exercise.

01:51:04.000 It's a smart word for a guy who knows exercise. 0.87

01:51:07.000 When you hold on to a pole and you fucking shove it into the ground with your leg and then you wrench it with your arms. 0.97

01:51:12.000 Yeah, that's what I did. 0.98

01:51:13.000 That's a workout, man.

01:51:14.000 That's a real workout.

01:51:15.000 And it's a workout that works everything.

01:51:17.000 It works your whole body.

01:51:18.000 As long as you keep switching legs and switch the way you pull the thing, you're going to use both sides of your back.

01:51:23.000 You don't want to do it this way.

01:51:24.000 You hit yourself in the face. 1.00

01:51:25.000 But you can do this shit and this shit and depending upon, obviously, the size of the handle of the The shovel, but you can get a real workout shoveling, man. 1.00

01:51:34.000 Just fucking shoveling things to the ground, stomping on it. 1.00

01:51:38.000 Digging a hole is... 0.99

01:51:39.000 And then chucking it.

01:51:40.000 I mean, it's all shoulders and neck and back.

01:51:43.000 I want this guy to feel some satisfaction.

01:51:45.000 Like, I put in some ficus trees.

01:51:47.000 I got some nice curb appeal.

01:51:49.000 Yeah.

01:51:49.000 And he's out there digging holes and...

01:51:51.000 I don't know.

01:51:52.000 I understand.

01:51:52.000 Maybe he could come to someone's...

01:51:54.000 Maybe he could do charity work where people need holes.

01:51:56.000 You know what I mean?

01:51:57.000 Yeah.

01:51:57.000 I don't want to tell this guy how to do it, but...

01:51:58.000 Well, it's his yard, man.

01:52:00.000 He wants to have a nice green lawn so he could stare at it.

01:52:03.000 Go, look at you, nature.

01:52:04.000 Look what I've done.

01:52:05.000 I've conquered you.

01:52:07.000 You have been to the will of my visual pleasure.

01:52:10.000 I'll tell you what I did.

01:52:11.000 I got some quotes on turf, fake grass.

01:52:15.000 Oh, that stuff's terrible.

01:52:16.000 How do you feel about that?

01:52:17.000 I hate that stuff.

01:52:18.000 I looked at the house ones that had that.

01:52:20.000 The whole side yard was all turf.

01:52:21.000 It was a beautiful house, too.

01:52:22.000 But was it the good turf?

01:52:24.000 It was a really good turf.

01:52:25.000 You could tell, though.

01:52:26.000 Well, you only could tell because they told you.

01:52:28.000 I mean, once you got on it, you could tell.

01:52:29.000 But it was still beautiful.

01:52:30.000 But I don't like it.

01:52:32.000 Because I want...

01:52:33.000 I mean, I'd rather have a bunch of patches of dirt and some grass. 0.99

01:52:37.000 I want the fucking earth there. 0.98

01:52:39.000 I don't want a plastic toupee that pretends to be... 0.99

01:52:43.000 Okay, I could see that. 0.99

01:52:44.000 Get the fuck out of here, plastic toupee that pretends to be plants. 1.00

01:52:48.000 I want grass or dirt. 1.00

01:52:49.000 If you saw my lawn, my lawn is all weeds. 1.00

01:52:52.000 Fuck your lawn, bro. 1.00

01:52:52.000 No, dude, don't talk about my lawn like that. 1.00

01:52:56.000 I'll fucking cut you. 0.99

01:52:58.000 Yeah, there's a... 1.00

01:52:59.000 I mean, would you want to do your lawn in the fake grass?

01:53:03.000 I'm getting a quote.

01:53:04.000 If it's a good price, I'm going to do it.

01:53:06.000 Because I try to do grass, and it's been a nightmare.

01:53:08.000 I can't get these weeds to get out of my face. 1.00

01:53:11.000 Don't be a pussy. 1.00

01:53:12.000 One dude in my neighborhood has fake grass, and I swear to God, when I take my dog, he's a nice fellow, I'm sure, no harm against him. 1.00

01:53:19.000 He's got a house with fake grass in the front.

01:53:21.000 My dog pisses on it every time.

01:53:23.000 He's like, what is this?

01:53:24.000 He just pisses on it. 1.00

01:53:26.000 It's trash. 1.00

01:53:26.000 He steps in it, and like you can see, he looks down at his feet and goes, what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:53:30.000 This isn't even grass. 0.99

01:53:31.000 He pisses on it every time he walks by it.

01:53:34.000 That thing must smell terrible. 0.98

01:53:35.000 Actually, how do I get the dog crap out of it? 0.99

01:53:37.000 You can't get the dog crap out of it. 0.99

01:53:38.000 It stays forever, and then it becomes a new thing. 0.98

01:53:40.000 Oh, for God.

01:53:41.000 I hate my life.

01:53:42.000 It becomes a new bacteria.

01:53:43.000 It leaps hosts.

01:53:45.000 I'll be patient zero for the next COVID-20.

01:53:48.000 I mean, I'm sure they make it where you can't tell, but nothing's growing through that, man.

01:53:53.000 You're covering over the earth.

01:53:54.000 I wish I had a picture of my lawn, and I think you'd feel different.

01:53:57.000 No, I wouldn't.

01:53:57.000 It's a disaster.

01:53:58.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:54:00.000 I don't think you care at all. 0.99

01:54:01.000 I think you care about my lawn.

01:54:03.000 No, I'd be like, put some time into it, or don't.

01:54:06.000 Don't cover it with some plastic.

01:54:08.000 I put so much time.

01:54:09.000 I just want it to be...

01:54:10.000 I may put just...

01:54:11.000 I don't know what to do.

01:54:12.000 Who cares?

01:54:12.000 Anyway, listen.

01:54:13.000 Isn't it strange, though, that a garden is so much more pleasant than just plants that you see on your own?

01:54:19.000 Like, a garden is like, I put this into the ground and gave it life.

01:54:23.000 Look at my tomato plants.

01:54:25.000 I think you could eat your...

01:54:26.000 Yeah.

01:54:27.000 That's cool.

01:54:28.000 Have you ever had a salad from your own yard?

01:54:30.000 No.

01:54:31.000 It's weirdly satisfying, man.

01:54:34.000 Weirdly satisfying.

01:54:35.000 Got an orange from a tree.

01:54:37.000 That's great, too.

01:54:39.000 Yeah, an orange from your own tree.

01:54:40.000 That's awesome.

01:54:42.000 Yeah, it's nothing to be neighbors.

01:54:43.000 But it's something about, like, if you can grow the lettuce, grow the tomatoes, grow some bell peppers and some onions, grow all that stuff, mix it together with a little balsamic vinaigrette, grow the carrots, chop them up, put them in the salad, and you're eating that salad. 0.65

01:54:55.000 You're like, holy shit, I grew this thing. 0.92

01:54:57.000 This is crazy. 0.99

01:54:58.000 Do you know what I thought?

01:54:59.000 I just think baby carrots were baby carrots.

01:55:01.000 What are they?

01:55:02.000 They're carrots.

01:55:03.000 They just made small.

01:55:04.000 They're just really little?

01:55:05.000 No, they just got actual carrots and they shaved them small.

01:55:08.000 Oh.

01:55:09.000 There's no baby carrots?

01:55:11.000 I might be wrong.

01:55:13.000 I may be trolled. 1.00

01:55:15.000 That's the people that are assholes. 1.00

01:55:16.000 They're telling you it's a baby carrot. 1.00

01:55:17.000 It's an old grandpa carrot.

01:55:20.000 I'm wondering.

01:55:21.000 They shaved down grandpa carrot.

01:55:23.000 Oh, man.

01:55:24.000 It's hard for me to put on weight.

01:55:26.000 I go all gut.

01:55:27.000 This way, my whole family is these giant barrels and then twig legs.

01:55:32.000 And then they come...

01:55:33.000 Waltzing up. 0.95

01:55:34.000 It looks disgusting.

01:55:35.000 So I'm constantly fighting it.

01:55:36.000 And you know my neck?

01:55:38.000 Here's a quick story.

01:55:39.000 Okay.

01:55:40.000 I woke up one day.

01:55:41.000 Here's a dream I was having.

01:55:42.000 I was turning...

01:55:44.000 Cut out of bed.

01:55:45.000 I'm turning the top of a Coke can.

01:55:49.000 The top off.

01:55:50.000 Okay.

01:55:50.000 Wrench.

01:55:50.000 Can't get it off.

01:55:51.000 Six-foot can.

01:55:52.000 I wake up with my...

01:55:53.000 Six-foot can of Coke?

01:55:54.000 Bottle of Coke.

01:55:55.000 It's a dream I'm having.

01:55:56.000 Oh, okay.

01:55:56.000 I wake...

01:56:00.000 They're so expensive.

01:56:00.000 Really bad for you.

01:56:01.000 A lot of calories.

01:56:02.000 Sorry.

01:56:03.000 So I wake up with my hands wrapped around my head.

01:56:06.000 I was twisting my own head.

01:56:10.000 That's so crazy. 1.00

01:56:11.000 So I go to the doctor feeling like an idiot. 1.00

01:56:13.000 Oh my god, that's so crazy. 0.99

01:56:15.000 They x-rayed my neck, you know, and they put it on the wall and this doctor was rubbing his chin looking at my neck.

01:56:21.000 You don't want a doctor confused looking at your skeletal bone.

01:56:25.000 Yeah, you want him super confident.

01:56:26.000 Right.

01:56:27.000 Everything looks normal.

01:56:28.000 Right.

01:56:29.000 And he goes, Jonathan!

01:56:30.000 Calls another guy in.

01:56:32.000 And now they're both just like looking at my neck and I'm thinking I'm dying.

01:56:36.000 Imagine if you were a doctor and some guy comes in and he's a patient.

01:56:39.000 And you say, well, I just got to give you a little x-ray and check to see what's going on.

01:56:45.000 And you x-ray him.

01:56:48.000 And he's got all these weird bones he's not supposed to have.

01:56:52.000 Yeah.

01:56:52.000 And this entire spinal structure is totally different.

01:56:55.000 Everything's different.

01:56:55.000 The whole thing's different.

01:56:56.000 And the doctor looks at him and goes, what?

01:56:58.000 What's going on here? 1.00

01:57:00.000 And he goes, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:57:03.000 This is another good porn movie. 1.00

01:57:05.000 Because he's from another planet. 0.94

01:57:06.000 Yeah.

01:57:07.000 He's infiltrating.

01:57:08.000 And then the nurses come in and blow him. 1.00

01:57:10.000 Yeah, they all suck his dick. 1.00

01:57:12.000 And there's peace in the galaxy again. 1.00

01:57:14.000 I love it.

01:57:16.000 So he looks at...

01:57:18.000 And the lumberjack women showed up. 1.00

01:57:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:20.000 The lumberjills. 0.98

01:57:22.000 This has just been a podcast of great porn. 0.93

01:57:24.000 Someone's scribbling. 0.85

01:57:25.000 Some porn writer's doing a lot of scribbling. 0.77

01:57:27.000 I hope so. 0.91

01:57:27.000 It was funny. 0.91

01:57:28.000 I texted Tom Segura.

01:57:31.000 Did I text him or did I put it online?

01:57:33.000 I think I might have tweeted it.

01:57:34.000 Has anybody made COVID porn yet? 1.00

01:57:36.000 Tom Segura immediately, immediately texts me a photo of this lady with a fucking COVID mask on and some guy's grabbing her ass. 1.00

01:57:45.000 I'm like, this is crazy. 1.00

01:57:46.000 So then he sends me a link and I go to it and there's a COVID porn like two days after lockdown.

01:57:51.000 They've already got something produced.

01:57:54.000 How many views?

01:57:55.000 I'm just curious.

01:57:56.000 Billions of views now.

01:57:57.000 Billions. 0.58

01:57:58.000 Everyone's jerked off to it. 0.98

01:57:59.000 Yeah. 0.65

01:58:00.000 I'll have to get on that.

01:58:02.000 Imagine.

01:58:02.000 That's the thrill.

01:58:05.000 Yeah.

01:58:08.000 Might get a virus. 1.00

01:58:09.000 Fucking during a pandemic. 0.99

01:58:11.000 It is kind of hot. 1.00

01:58:12.000 Women covering up. 0.94

01:58:14.000 Anything they covered up.

01:58:15.000 Even they used to cover up their ankles.

01:58:17.000 We were like, man, I gotta see those ankles. 0.97

01:58:18.000 Right. 1.00

01:58:18.000 It was risky to show your ankles, you dirty whore. 1.00

01:58:21.000 Now they're covering their mouths. 1.00

01:58:23.000 Yeah.

01:58:24.000 They have a lot of power.

01:58:25.000 But again, it's the change of culture.

01:58:27.000 Like we were talking about.

01:58:28.000 Just imagine living in a time just a few hundred years ago where women had to cover their ankles. 1.00

01:58:35.000 Like you have a blouse that goes all the way down to the floor.

01:58:40.000 Crazy.

01:58:41.000 But people were so animalistic. 1.00

01:58:44.000 I bet men were so out of control and disgusting that you kind of had to obscure the shape of your body or they would just try to rape you. 0.99

01:58:51.000 Oh, man. 1.00

01:58:52.000 I bet hundreds of years ago, like most guys raped. 0.94

01:58:56.000 That's what I think. 0.76

01:58:57.000 Yeah.

01:58:57.000 I bet if you go back like 4,000 years ago, I think rape is like insanely common.

01:59:02.000 Yeah.

01:59:02.000 Insanely common.

01:59:03.000 Yeah.

01:59:04.000 Like when they talk about Genghis Khan and his DNA is in something like 5% of all Asian people. 0.96

01:59:12.000 The perv men rape DNA gets spread. 0.86

01:59:15.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:59:17.000 And it's in all of us. 0.99

01:59:19.000 But the balance is the scientists don't get pussy so they don't get distracted. 0.98

01:59:23.000 And so they figure things out. 1.00

01:59:24.000 Those big gigantic football player dudes that are just fucking... 1.00

01:59:30.000 Storm style just like rawr like a fucking sandstorm just throwing dick all over the place. 1.00

01:59:35.000 Those guys don't invent anything. 1.00

01:59:36.000 No. 1.00

01:59:37.000 It's like you almost need to have no distractions and the best way to have no distractions is no one wants to fuck you. 0.99

01:59:45.000 We'll be right back. 0.99

01:59:47.000 I mean, nobody wants to say this, right?

01:59:48.000 But when you think of, like, weird sort of antisocial behavior, people getting locked into an online world, people getting disconnected from human beings, you know, all of this is...

02:00:02.000 That's not a good trend.

02:00:05.000 That that's happening more than ever.

02:00:09.000 And then with COVID, it gets ramped up even more because you have to do it that way.

02:00:12.000 Yeah.

02:00:14.000 I feel like I went...

02:00:17.000 Full circle on the being stuck alone.

02:00:19.000 And now I was lonely for a little while, and now I'm fine.

02:00:22.000 I don't know if maybe I'm turning into a psychopath.

02:00:25.000 Yeah, you're about there.

02:00:26.000 You're right about at the door. 0.99

02:00:27.000 I'm a psychopathic guy. 0.87

02:00:29.000 Yeah. 0.93

02:00:29.000 I'm surfing. 0.93

02:00:30.000 That's an insane thing to do.

02:00:32.000 I'm zooming.

02:00:33.000 Surfing looks like it's so fun.

02:00:35.000 Even being terrible at it is so fun.

02:00:38.000 You just wipe out, and it's so fun.

02:00:41.000 Oh, I didn't finish my neck story.

02:00:43.000 Oh, your neck.

02:00:43.000 We're high.

02:00:43.000 Yeah, we're super high.

02:00:44.000 We're super high.

02:00:45.000 Sorry, folks.

02:00:46.000 Sorry, folks.

02:00:46.000 Feel free to...

02:00:47.000 I went off on an alien autopsy.

02:00:49.000 Sorry.

02:00:50.000 It's not a great story.

02:00:52.000 It's just if someone's listening, they might be like, what happened to your neck?

02:00:55.000 Right.

02:00:56.000 The doctor turns to me and he goes...

02:00:58.000 Because I was like, what is it?

02:01:00.000 Am I dying?

02:01:01.000 And he goes, you have the neck of a seven-foot man.

02:01:06.000 Whoa.

02:01:07.000 That's the end of that story.

02:01:08.000 So you have a very long neck.

02:01:09.000 Yeah.

02:01:10.000 Why I brought this up, I'll never know.

02:01:13.000 I think I was talking about my weird body.

02:01:15.000 Don't, now you're looking at my neck.

02:01:16.000 It's normal.

02:01:17.000 I'm hunching, I gotta hunch it.

02:01:19.000 Yeah, you gotta just, like a wrestler.

02:01:21.000 Yeah.

02:01:21.000 Like a pro wrestler.

02:01:22.000 I wanna come back, because the Handsome app also makes my shoulders big and stuff, and it's cool.

02:01:27.000 CRISPR was just used to successfully treat some disease.

02:01:31.000 What?

02:01:32.000 I bought CRISPR. I don't have many stocks, but I got CRISPR and Tesla.

02:01:37.000 Oh, good moves.

02:01:38.000 What was it, Jamie?

02:01:39.000 He said he bought it.

02:01:40.000 I was like, okay.

02:01:41.000 Stock, bro.

02:01:44.000 Yeah, that's a lot of money.

02:01:46.000 How much do you have?

02:01:48.000 Jesus, you bought CRISPR and Tesla? 1.00

02:01:50.000 Holy fuck, bro. 1.00

02:01:52.000 But here it is. 1.00

02:01:54.000 Three people with inherited diseases successfully treated with CRISPR. So this is what the real...

02:02:03.000 Fascinating thing about CRISPR is is that they're going to be able to cure a bunch of diseases through it and here it is two people with a bait boy say that word beta Thalassemia Thalassemia and one with sickle cell disease no longer require blood transfusions which are normally used to retreat to treat severe forms of these inherited diseases and After their bone marrow stem cells were gene-edited with CRISPR. Dude,

02:02:33.000 they fucking edited their bone marrow stem cells. 1.00

02:02:37.000 That's where we're going. 1.00

02:02:38.000 Holy shit. 0.97

02:02:39.000 The preliminary results demonstrate, in essence, a functional cure for patients with beta thalassemia and sickle cell anemia. 0.99

02:02:49.000 A functional cure. 0.99

02:02:51.000 So they figured out a fucking cure for sickle cell, man. 0.99

02:02:55.000 Yeah, I think this is where... 1.00

02:02:57.000 That's crazy.

02:02:58.000 That is crazy.

02:02:58.000 I think you're going to go to your doctor with your genes soon.

02:03:02.000 Yes.

02:03:02.000 I think what we're looking at now is the tip of the iceberg, the beginning steps of this kind of technology.

02:03:11.000 They're going to be able to edit people.

02:03:13.000 They're going to be able to make you the rock.

02:03:15.000 You're going to look like the rock.

02:03:16.000 Can they shrink my neck? 0.96

02:03:17.000 They're going to shrink your...

02:03:18.000 No, they're going to give you a body to match your neck.

02:03:19.000 The rock.

02:03:20.000 I'll be seven feet tall, yeah.

02:03:21.000 Yeah, you have to be the rock.

02:03:23.000 I saw The Rock years ago.

02:03:25.000 He's at my gym at Gold's.

02:03:26.000 We're going like 2001, like early Young Rock, before he was.

02:03:30.000 Guy got a stack of hamburgers.

02:03:32.000 Probably 12 hamburgers, you say.

02:03:33.000 He's enormous.

02:03:34.000 You don't realize how enormous it is until you see him in real life.

02:03:37.000 You're like, oh, criminy.

02:03:38.000 Yeah.

02:03:39.000 But in the future, like that's an anomaly to be that big, like as big as he is and handsome and so charismatic.

02:03:47.000 But all those things are an anomaly for them all to be together.

02:03:50.000 But what if you could just edit someone's genes and turn them into a specimen like The Rock?

02:03:56.000 Be real weird, man.

02:03:57.000 Oh, you think they could edit how you come out?

02:04:00.000 Yes, I think so.

02:04:00.000 I think they're going to be able to edit how you are.

02:04:02.000 Look at that.

02:04:03.000 Jesus, son!

02:04:04.000 That's America! 1.00

02:04:05.000 He's got a fucking flag in the background. 1.00

02:04:07.000 Built like a brick shithouse. 1.00

02:04:09.000 Determined.

02:04:09.000 Covered with real sweat that he earned.

02:04:11.000 You fucks. 1.00

02:04:12.000 That's an American. 1.00

02:04:13.000 You pansy-ass fucks. 1.00

02:04:15.000 That's the greatest American that's ever lived. 1.00

02:04:18.000 I mean, I think it might be tough to edit your jawline or something. 1.00

02:04:24.000 No, they're going to just inject you with some fucking... 0.99

02:04:27.000 Super architectural. 0.99

02:04:29.000 Oh, the whole thing they have mapped out.

02:04:30.000 You pick what you want to look like.

02:04:31.000 Map out your frame.

02:04:33.000 And then you just shake like...

02:04:34.000 Do you remember that movie with... 0.99

02:04:36.000 God damn it. 0.98

02:04:38.000 I'm going to remember what it is. 0.99

02:04:39.000 It was a Vietnam movie.

02:04:40.000 A real trippy movie.

02:04:43.000 With...

02:04:43.000 The guy that was in Shawshank Redemption.

02:04:47.000 What was his name?

02:04:48.000 Oh. 0.99

02:04:49.000 Oh, crap. 1.00

02:04:50.000 The white guy. 1.00

02:04:52.000 Tim Robbins.

02:04:53.000 Okay.

02:04:54.000 Tim Robbins was in a Vietnam movie...

02:04:57.000 Where they gave the...

02:04:59.000 Jacob's Ladder?

02:05:00.000 Jacob's Ladder, that's right. 0.95

02:05:03.000 The idea was that the whole movie, spoiler alert, was kind of like a LSD or some psychedelic induced dream that the government gave him a psychedelic and gave him this crazy induced fucked up dream. 0.64

02:05:20.000 But that's how you'd go. 0.96

02:05:22.000 So they would put you in some fucking cocoon, and you'd shake like this LSD people in Jacob's lab, like... 0.99

02:05:30.000 And then, boom! 1.00

02:05:32.000 You'd come out the rock.

02:05:34.000 That's what's gonna happen.

02:05:35.000 There's gonna be no exceptional people.

02:05:37.000 There's gonna be no people that are any different.

02:05:39.000 Everyone is gonna be perfect.

02:05:41.000 But then it's going to be like living in that Jay-Z video every day.

02:05:46.000 Everyone's going to get bored.

02:05:46.000 I don't believe that's going to happen.

02:05:48.000 It's going to happen. 0.99

02:05:49.000 We're going to fuck it up. 0.99

02:05:49.000 We're going to fuck it up like we fucked up the environment and the ocean and birth control. 0.99

02:05:54.000 We fucked up everything. 0.98

02:05:55.000 Like we fucked up everything we've ever done. 0.99

02:05:57.000 We're going to fuck it up because we fuck up everything. 0.99

02:05:59.000 We fuck up everything and then we figure out what we fucked up and then we try to unfuck it. 0.99

02:06:02.000 Right. 0.99

02:06:03.000 Well, I'll tell you this is what's next.

02:06:04.000 There it is.

02:06:05.000 Jacob's Ladder.

02:06:06.000 1990. And this we will for sure fuck up. 0.99

02:06:08.000 Because with the Tesla car and they're solving vision now, they're going to be able to put this in robots. 0.97

02:06:14.000 They'll be able to walk around your house and make your sandwich.

02:06:17.000 And when you get a robot girlfriend or boyfriend that can make you laugh, has all this information, does do all this.

02:06:27.000 She's nice.

02:06:29.000 And then when you want to be alone, she goes into the closet and turns off.

02:06:32.000 What is this going to do with relationships? 1.00

02:06:34.000 Well, it depends if you're a bitch or not. 1.00

02:06:36.000 It's basically the same thing as the other things we're talking about. 1.00

02:06:40.000 You can't live in a Jay-Z movie forever! 1.00

02:06:42.000 You can't have the fucking hot maid that just sucks your dick anytime you want. 1.00

02:06:45.000 You have to have a relationship with an actual human being. 1.00

02:06:47.000 Well, now, wait a minute.

02:06:48.000 I'm talking about... 1.00

02:06:49.000 That's more fun than the robot fuck doll lady cleaner of your house. 1.00

02:06:52.000 But, Joe, you could program robot fuck lady to be kind of a bitch sometimes. 1.00

02:06:57.000 Like, you can program it to the point where you don't notice difference. 1.00

02:06:59.000 Wouldn't be real.

02:07:00.000 It wouldn't be her decision.

02:07:02.000 You want a human. 0.99

02:07:04.000 You're always going to be annoyed with something that's not a human.

02:07:07.000 It's going to be too easy.

02:07:07.000 It's like playing a game of Quake with God Mode on, where you can't be killed and you're just running over everything.

02:07:12.000 You get bored. 0.96

02:07:13.000 Part of the fun is you can get shot in the head. 0.72

02:07:15.000 But it's like a chess app. 0.95

02:07:17.000 You go to the higher level.

02:07:19.000 No.

02:07:19.000 It's not real, though.

02:07:21.000 You know it's not real.

02:07:22.000 Until you don't.

02:07:23.000 And then when you don't, it becomes effective again.

02:07:24.000 But while you know it's not real, you're never going to accept it. 1.00

02:07:27.000 Well, you know this robot lady will just suck your dick. 1.00

02:07:29.000 You're like, suck my dick, robot lady! 1.00

02:07:31.000 You can't even get hard. 1.00

02:07:34.000 It's your own cock. 1.00

02:07:35.000 She gets a little spicy with you. 1.00

02:07:36.000 You don't want that, man.

02:07:38.000 It seems like you want that because you can't have, you know, what that is.

02:07:43.000 You can't have a beautiful woman who's like wearing lingerie, who just does whatever you want. 1.00

02:07:49.000 It's like, no person wants that.

02:07:50.000 But you're still thinking she's going to do what you want.

02:07:52.000 You can program her to be exactly like your last...

02:07:54.000 But then why am I paying for her to just be a regular person? 1.00

02:07:56.000 This is bullshit. 0.99

02:07:56.000 You could change it. 0.99

02:07:57.000 I could just get a regular person.

02:07:58.000 She could be from the South one week with blonde hair. 1.00

02:08:00.000 Look, you're in a good relationship, but imagine guys who can't get laid.

02:08:04.000 That is where I think we need to remove part of their brain so they believe that robot's real.

02:08:09.000 I'm not against that, actually.

02:08:11.000 And the robot's programmed to make them a better person.

02:08:13.000 The robot is programmed to be almost like a great woman in your life is, inspires you to be a better version of who you are.

02:08:19.000 I think this is what's gonna happen. 1.00

02:08:20.000 Yes, we could do that, but they have to be morons. 1.00

02:08:22.000 They have to be morons or the robots have to be way better than they are right now. 0.99

02:08:26.000 The simulation has to be better than actual reality so that you initially submit to it. 0.99

02:08:32.000 I disagree.

02:08:34.000 Yeah, it's like a Republican tax plan they talk you into.

02:08:36.000 Like, listen, eventually this is going to work out in your benefit.

02:08:40.000 But right now you've got to submit to leaving all of your consciousness in this alternative recreated dimension.

02:08:47.000 Don't worry.

02:08:48.000 Your physical body will be safe and fine.

02:08:50.000 We're going to offer you a five-minute trial, but here's the pros.

02:08:53.000 You never have to worry about your bills again.

02:08:55.000 Everything is paid for, and you live like a rock star for the rest of your life.

02:08:58.000 And you stay alive the same amount of time.

02:09:00.000 So what are you doing? 1.00

02:09:01.000 Do you really want to just fucking struggle and get beat up by the cops and fucking lose your job because of corporate and they're downsizing, they don't give a fuck how much money you put in this fucking company? 0.99

02:09:14.000 Would you want to do it the hard way? 0.99

02:09:16.000 Or would you want to stay alive the same amount of time, but we just connect you to a machine, and the memories and life that we give you is far more exciting.

02:09:26.000 It's amazing.

02:09:27.000 You're a superhero.

02:09:28.000 You're the king of the world.

02:09:29.000 You're on top of everything.

02:09:31.000 You live like you're Dr. Manhattan.

02:09:34.000 But it's not binary like that.

02:09:35.000 You can have something a little in between.

02:09:37.000 Maybe not.

02:09:38.000 Maybe once they hit the switch, they say, listen, just try it.

02:09:41.000 Just try it.

02:09:42.000 They give you a free weekend.

02:09:43.000 They give you a free weekend.

02:09:44.000 They 100% give you a free weekend.

02:09:46.000 And everybody gets it.

02:09:48.000 Everybody.

02:09:48.000 You get the first hit free.

02:09:49.000 But I thought Mike liked working at the sawmill.

02:09:51.000 He doesn't anymore.

02:09:52.000 He wants to be Dr. Manhattan.

02:09:54.000 He wants to be one of the watchmen. 0.99

02:09:55.000 He wants to be on Mars, just jerking off. 0.99

02:09:59.000 That's what he wants to do. 0.99

02:10:01.000 I wonder how popular that one would be.

02:10:03.000 Oh yeah, I picked the Mars Jerkoff package.

02:10:05.000 Do you think we're in a simulation? 1.00

02:10:08.000 I'm way too stupid to know. 1.00

02:10:10.000 But smart people do. 1.00

02:10:12.000 Elon does.

02:10:13.000 Again, go back to Elon.

02:10:14.000 He thinks we're in a simulation.

02:10:16.000 Okay, so he's smarter than both of us.

02:10:18.000 I should say this, I don't want to put words in his mouth.

02:10:20.000 I think he's very open to entertaining the idea that we're in a simulation and that it's very possible that we're in a simulation.

02:10:27.000 Yes.

02:10:27.000 But I think it's a factor of what actual life is.

02:10:30.000 That's what I think.

02:10:31.000 What do you mean?

02:10:32.000 I think what we're thinking of, us being in a simulation, I think maybe we need to look at it even bigger.

02:10:38.000 Like maybe that's a factor of what life is. 0.92

02:10:42.000 That life always has this weird, fucked up, theatrical quality. 0.95

02:10:48.000 It always feels fake. 0.96

02:10:49.000 And it's influenced a certain amount by the way we think.

02:10:52.000 Not just, it's not just a physical thing.

02:10:54.000 Just like when people are mad at you, it feels terrible.

02:10:57.000 Like if you said something at work to a guy and you regret it and you got to go there the next day and see him and you got to run into him and we feel bad, we feel bad, I feel bad.

02:11:05.000 Like people feel bad when they have bad interactions with each other.

02:11:08.000 We're not just like, we're not just, we're definitely not Individuals that are disconnected from everyone around them.

02:11:18.000 If people around you have bad feelings, you feel bad.

02:11:21.000 There's no getting around that. 0.99

02:11:22.000 So there's some shit going on with people. 0.99

02:11:24.000 It's way deeper than just words and looking at each other. 0.99

02:11:30.000 There's like energy that's being transferred back and forth between people.

02:11:32.000 It just hasn't been defined yet.

02:11:34.000 Well, I'm definitely a little high.

02:11:37.000 That was really hard for me to follow.

02:11:39.000 But also...

02:11:41.000 They found recently—we are pixels.

02:11:44.000 Do you know that?

02:11:45.000 The smallest—the plank length, I think it's called, or like a triangle.

02:11:51.000 So you literally could make this.

02:11:55.000 You actually—you don't touch anything.

02:11:56.000 You know that, too.

02:11:57.000 You never actually touch anything.

02:11:58.000 Atoms don't touch.

02:11:59.000 Right.

02:12:00.000 I mean, that's another—there's some things that are disturbing.

02:12:04.000 But if someone touches you, they touch you.

02:12:06.000 By that, you could say, no one ever rapes anybody.

02:12:08.000 It's just like, no one ever touches.

02:12:10.000 Right.

02:12:11.000 Well, I guess you have to define the word touch.

02:12:14.000 No one ever beats anybody up.

02:12:16.000 You can't touch each other.

02:12:17.000 No assault is real.

02:12:19.000 No car accidents are real, because no one ever touches anybody.

02:12:22.000 I'm still offended you don't care about my lawn, but listen.

02:12:26.000 I do, I just don't want to be plastic. 0.76

02:12:28.000 The point is, they're gonna make robots, robot girlfriends, and I don't know which sex, this is a good question for you to answer, which sex will be more mad? 0.98

02:12:36.000 The females got these guys who have these robots that are, they're not dating anymore because they love this, or women, or will men be mad because women are totally satisfied with this guy that's like, what happened at work, what? 1.00

02:12:49.000 Oh, Teresa's a bitch. 1.00

02:12:50.000 What if all the robots that the women chose were seven-foot Jamaican dudes with dreadlocks? 1.00

02:12:56.000 That's what they wanted. 1.00

02:12:57.000 That was like the most popular robot fuck dolls for ladies. 1.00

02:13:01.000 They're called Opposite Kyle's. 0.99

02:13:03.000 Just giant, super athlete, big dong fellas with dreadlocks. 1.00

02:13:08.000 Probably.

02:13:09.000 Yeah.

02:13:09.000 Those would sell well.

02:13:10.000 I mean... 0.97

02:13:11.000 White guys would be so mad. 0.99

02:13:12.000 Everybody would be mad. 0.92

02:13:15.000 A lot of dudes would be upset.

02:13:17.000 You think about how many old people are sad and lonely. 0.99

02:13:20.000 Their wife died, their husband died.

02:13:21.000 And then you can give them this... 1.00

02:13:22.000 Viking dick. 1.00

02:13:23.000 Giant dude. 1.00

02:13:25.000 Just a huge blonde man. 0.99

02:13:26.000 Bang your grandmother. 1.00

02:13:27.000 With scars on his face. 1.00

02:13:28.000 Yeah.

02:13:28.000 His shoulders have dried blood splattered on him.

02:13:32.000 And he just gorilla fucks your grandmother. 1.00

02:13:34.000 He listens good to her, too. 0.99

02:13:35.000 He gets so hard looking at her, too.

02:13:37.000 And he wants to know about her stories.

02:13:39.000 Oh, he gets so hard...

02:13:41.000 When she crochets, it gets hard as a rock.

02:13:43.000 Can you imagine? 1.00

02:13:45.000 You got your grandmother a fucking Viking robot fuck doll. 1.00

02:13:50.000 Oh, what a gift. 1.00

02:13:50.000 He shows up with wolf skins around his shoulders and shit. 1.00

02:13:53.000 Your grandma here? 1.00

02:13:56.000 Yes.

02:13:57.000 Yes, Thor.

02:13:58.000 She's right this way. 0.99

02:14:00.000 Just dragging a fucking axe with him as he walks in the house. 0.99

02:14:03.000 I think we're 20 years away from this. 1.00

02:14:05.000 I don't think that's ridiculous.

02:14:08.000 It's not ridiculous because here's the thing, man.

02:14:09.000 If you think about what makes someone attracted to someone, right?

02:14:14.000 If you say, okay, well, a guy would be attracted to a woman who has a great personality and she's fun to be around. 0.98

02:14:21.000 She's got a pretty face and a nice body. 1.00

02:14:24.000 But that's some evolutionary code.

02:14:26.000 The same reason why a woman is attracted to a big, giant, strong man.

02:14:30.000 Like, that's good genes.

02:14:31.000 Like, there's some evolutionary code. 1.00

02:14:32.000 What if they got in there with the CRISPR and just fucking monkey wrenched that shit, and you're only sexually attracted to dying people? 1.00

02:14:40.000 Like, that's it. 1.00

02:14:41.000 Like, they could send you to, like, a cancer ward, and you just go on a fuckfest. 0.99

02:14:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:14:46.000 Because that's your thing. 0.99

02:14:47.000 Your syphilis run.

02:14:49.000 And these dudes that live in this cancer ward, they're, like, dying, you know?

02:14:52.000 But if some hot robot lady that they programmed... 1.00

02:14:56.000 Or that some person, they just programmed their genes to be attracted to that.

02:15:00.000 That person thing, though, you'd ruin that person's life.

02:15:02.000 But a robot...

02:15:03.000 Yeah, a robot would be...

02:15:04.000 Victimless.

02:15:06.000 But what if the robot's so good that it's really indistinguishable from a person?

02:15:09.000 Then when does the robot have rights?

02:15:12.000 We gotta get on this robot.

02:15:14.000 Look, man, we can't make that mistake.

02:15:17.000 You know, as human beings, we've already decided that other humans that aren't like us are not equal to us. 0.99

02:15:25.000 What if we eventually invent a fucking robot that has all the characteristics of us, including it feels pain and has emotions, and we decide that it's not? 0.94

02:15:35.000 Oh my God, have we not learned from all of the years of horrors that we've inflicted upon our fellow man, we're gonna now do this to these sentient robots? 0.98

02:15:43.000 But we gotta try to make them.

02:15:45.000 We're not gonna stop.

02:15:46.000 I always go to that scene in Ex Machina when that lady just leaves. 0.99

02:15:50.000 When she hops in that helicopter, she just leaves.

02:15:52.000 And he's, open the door, he knows he's gonna suffocate in there.

02:15:56.000 Yeah.

02:15:56.000 He's pounded on that big, thick plexiglass.

02:15:59.000 You know he's never getting out.

02:16:00.000 And she just, no emotion, walks towards the helicopter.

02:16:04.000 What if this is a simulation and this has happened over and over, our job is to create the machines that then, like our purpose we find out is to create the machines.

02:16:15.000 That makes a lot of sense.

02:16:17.000 And this just happens over and over.

02:16:18.000 These little beings that get a little smart and then they make us again and then we make another universe.

02:16:23.000 I had a joke that I did a long time ago about the Big Bang Theory.

02:16:29.000 That like, what if the Big Bang Theory is just like what people figure out?

02:16:34.000 Like they get to a point where someone, it takes like 14 billion years, they get to the point where something can invent a button, you press that button, it resets time.

02:16:44.000 And then they're all sitting around staring at it. 0.99

02:16:46.000 And one dude, he's got autism, and he's on Red Bull, and no one's ever touched his dick. 1.00

02:16:52.000 And he's like, fuck it, I'll press it. 1.00

02:16:54.000 Boom! 1.00

02:16:54.000 And he presses that button and bang! 1.00

02:16:56.000 The whole universe explodes and then contracts and then starts all over again.

02:17:01.000 And it's a big bang.

02:17:02.000 And every 14 plus billion years, we figure out how to make a big bang.

02:17:08.000 Yeah.

02:17:09.000 I mean, maybe we've...

02:17:12.000 If you think about what we're doing and what we used to be able to do, think about when I was talking about the Comanches and that pistol, there was a big deal in 1840 that someone figured out how to make a revolver, right? 0.96

02:17:22.000 That ain't shit now. 0.87

02:17:23.000 You keep going way, [... 0.99

02:17:27.000 Why is a big bang button preposterous?

02:17:30.000 I don't think it is.

02:17:30.000 No, and we're clearly missing so much information, like the big bang.

02:17:35.000 Right.

02:17:36.000 I need way more information.

02:17:38.000 Dude, it used to be how small?

02:17:40.000 Right.

02:17:40.000 The whole universe was smaller than the head of a pin.

02:17:43.000 In the gut, and our guts aren't right a lot, but it just doesn't seem, it seems like there's a huge piece.

02:17:50.000 Bro, I put that story right up there with Elisha and the two bears.

02:17:53.000 Oh yeah?

02:17:53.000 Same story.

02:17:54.000 Yeah, who the fuck knows what happened? 0.99

02:17:57.000 But we know... 0.99

02:17:57.000 Elisha and the she-bears killed the 42 boys. 0.99

02:18:00.000 We got some data, at least.

02:18:03.000 The she-bears got zero. 1.00

02:18:06.000 Yeah, we have this sound that's coming from 14 billion years ago, whatever it is, 13.9 billion years ago.

02:18:12.000 The weird thing is we're missing gravity.

02:18:14.000 It's weird.

02:18:15.000 Where does that go?

02:18:16.000 Well, not just that.

02:18:17.000 What about dark matter?

02:18:18.000 Explain that to me.

02:18:19.000 Dark matter and dark energy.

02:18:21.000 Explain it.

02:18:22.000 They don't really know.

02:18:23.000 They know what it does.

02:18:24.000 They know the impact it has.

02:18:25.000 Yeah, that's why they call it dark matter because they're dark on it.

02:18:28.000 It's crazy.

02:18:29.000 I had fun interviewing my dad on tonight's episode of Triggered.

02:18:33.000 We covered many topics, but there was only one thing I really wanted to know.

02:18:37.000 Are aliens real?

02:18:39.000 Fair question.

02:18:41.000 Hold on.

02:18:42.000 Hold on.

02:18:43.000 Scroll down.

02:18:44.000 This is the only thing I really want to know.

02:18:47.000 I want to know what's going on.

02:18:48.000 Would you ever open up Roswell and let us know what's really going on?

02:18:51.000 He's terrified of his dad.

02:18:56.000 It's a teaser.

02:18:57.000 It's coming out tonight.

02:18:58.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:18:59.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:19:00.000 They got us. 1.00

02:19:01.000 They got us!

02:19:02.000 Aliens? 1.00

02:19:03.000 No, these fucking... 1.00

02:19:04.000 These people got us to tune into this event. 1.00

02:19:07.000 I do want to see that.

02:19:08.000 They got us.

02:19:08.000 They cut it off right at the very...

02:19:10.000 If it's so important, can't you tell us?

02:19:13.000 What's with the suspense?

02:19:14.000 You're supposed to be the president.

02:19:15.000 This isn't about ratings. 0.65

02:19:17.000 Are you an alien?

02:19:18.000 Do you think aliens are here?

02:19:19.000 Yes.

02:19:20.000 What are you basing that on?

02:19:22.000 Just my imagination and hopes and dreams.

02:19:26.000 I say no way, and I'll tell you why.

02:19:28.000 First of all, people understood how far away things other stars are.

02:19:32.000 Oh my god, you're so right.

02:19:33.000 If people understood the idea of sending a video from a phone to another phone in a matter of seconds, do you know how crazy that is?

02:19:41.000 That sounds impossible.

02:19:43.000 It can't be done.

02:19:43.000 First of all, what's a video?

02:19:45.000 How is it made?

02:19:46.000 And how does it go through the air and land perfectly on Kyle's phone?

02:19:50.000 Airdrop? 0.93

02:19:51.000 What the fuck is an airdrop? 0.99

02:19:52.000 All those things... 0.99

02:19:54.000 Do not disclaim what I'm saying.

02:19:58.000 Don't...

02:19:59.000 You know, there are times when you wish you were smarter.

02:20:02.000 Yes, every day.

02:20:04.000 I just was a little bit...

02:20:05.000 No, but...

02:20:06.000 Discredit, right.

02:20:07.000 The speed of light, you physically can't go faster because your mass would be infinite.

02:20:12.000 So we got our closest stars four light years away.

02:20:15.000 It takes a second for light to go to the moon.

02:20:17.000 It took us almost a week to get there going 18,000 miles an hour.

02:20:21.000 Yes.

02:20:21.000 We think of...

02:20:22.000 Going for four years, I just...

02:20:26.000 And also, if you've got to go that far, aren't you going to say hello and you're not just going to be in the sky and disappear?

02:20:31.000 I don't know.

02:20:31.000 Well, everything you said is very good, very important.

02:20:35.000 I don't think that all we know about propulsion and the ability to travel through space and time...

02:20:42.000 The same as a civilization that's been around for thousands of years longer than us.

02:20:47.000 So if there is a civilization out there, and I'm not saying there is, but if scientists believe that there should be, I mean there was a recent thing they were talking about, they're doing some sort of an equation about our own galaxy that said there might be as many as 36 intelligent life forms in terms of planets occupied by intelligent life forms in our galaxy.

02:21:07.000 So they don't really know, they're just kind of guessing.

02:21:10.000 But you gotta assume that if it happened once, in the right set of circumstances, it could happen again, if given enough time, and the planet doesn't get blown up.

02:21:20.000 Now, if what we know about people in 2020, I mean, we're talking about sending videos through the air, and fucking SpaceX is shooting people into space again, docking at the space station, and...

02:21:32.000 There's a lot of crazy shit we're doing that didn't exist at all 100 years ago. 0.93

02:21:36.000 So if we went 1,000 years from now, how fucking bonkers would be the inventions? 0.91

02:21:41.000 You've got to assume that each invention exponentially encourages more inventions to branch off of it.

02:21:47.000 But...

02:21:48.000 It doesn't always...

02:21:49.000 I mean, when you look at...

02:21:50.000 We started off with planes, you know, the Wright brothers, and then we very quickly get into propellers and jet engines, and then we were rocketing, you know, to the moon, and like this.

02:21:59.000 And then...

02:21:59.000 So we were like, oh, in 85, we'll have flying cars, because that was the trajectory.

02:22:02.000 And it just went...

02:22:03.000 Well, they do have flying cars.

02:22:05.000 They just don't use them.

02:22:06.000 And they're not very good.

02:22:07.000 But they do exist.

02:22:08.000 You can do it.

02:22:09.000 But the ones that we were imagining would be in the 80s.

02:22:12.000 Yeah, totally.

02:22:12.000 I mean, that flattened off.

02:22:14.000 But there's also problems of everybody having a helicopter.

02:22:18.000 You know, helicopters were supposed to be the next form of transportation.

02:22:22.000 When a helicopter was invented, it was invented to...

02:22:24.000 People thought it was going to replace the car. 0.99

02:22:26.000 You're going to be able to just fucking... 0.99

02:22:27.000 Fly around in a helicopter. 0.99

02:22:29.000 Everyone in their neighborhood is so badass.

02:22:31.000 They'd be so mad at you. 1.00

02:22:32.000 This fucking twat always lands a fucking helicopter when I'm trying to take a nap. 1.00

02:22:39.000 But that's, I think, it's still, it doesn't mean we can't do it. 1.00

02:22:43.000 Everybody could have a helicopter.

02:22:44.000 It's just not practical.

02:22:46.000 People can't afford it.

02:22:47.000 You can't land them. 0.99

02:22:48.000 The sky can't be full of helicopters the way the goddamn road is filled with cars. 0.99

02:22:52.000 We'd be dying. 0.98

02:22:53.000 We'd be slamming into each other left and right.

02:22:55.000 How would you make clear lanes and paths?

02:22:57.000 Maybe it could be done.

02:22:58.000 Maybe it could be done in the future.

02:22:59.000 Maybe it'll be more efficient or more energy efficient or won't, you know, it'll be electric so it won't fuck up the environment or something.

02:23:06.000 I don't know.

02:23:07.000 But they can do it.

02:23:10.000 I mean, on the alien thing, I 100% think there's life on other planets.

02:23:14.000 I mean, just they found every star that they've looked at.

02:23:17.000 You know, they've got telescopes that have planets around it.

02:23:19.000 They didn't know that until recently.

02:23:21.000 So then you have to multiply how many more chances there are of life.

02:23:25.000 And it's...

02:23:26.000 Well, not only that.

02:23:27.000 It would be bizarre if it wasn't. 1.00

02:23:28.000 The pictures they have of these planets are dog shit. 1.00

02:23:31.000 They're nothing. 1.00

02:23:32.000 They're nothing.

02:23:33.000 You can see pictures of the moon, and they're awesome pictures.

02:23:37.000 But pictures of planets in other galaxies?

02:23:40.000 You get like a speck.

02:23:41.000 You get like a speck, or they just, they recognize by the way the sun wobbles sometimes.

02:23:47.000 They find, yeah, they find what the star is, and they recognize that there's like a certain kind of a wobble to the image that's coming, so they talk.

02:23:54.000 Pretty cool.

02:23:55.000 Yeah, pretty cool.

02:23:56.000 So they figure out that a planet's circling it, but there's no like real good photos.

02:24:00.000 We have photos of Venus.

02:24:02.000 It's insane, right?

02:24:03.000 Like Saturn or Jupiter.

02:24:06.000 Jupiter's photos are amazing, man.

02:24:08.000 Pull up a photo of Jupiter.

02:24:11.000 I have a telescope.

02:24:13.000 Look at Saturn, man.

02:24:14.000 See, that's a photo that we have.

02:24:16.000 Just imagine if you were floating around near that thing and you could look at it and realize here's this lifeless, massive object that shares a solar system with us.

02:24:29.000 I have a telescope on my lawn.

02:24:32.000 I can see Saturn's rings.

02:24:33.000 Can you really?

02:24:33.000 And I can see Jupiter's moons.

02:24:35.000 Oh, dude, you're one of those guys.

02:24:36.000 It's 845 million miles.

02:24:39.000 Wow.

02:24:41.000 Pull out the Jupiter photo.

02:24:44.000 I remember there was an event that happened.

02:24:46.000 I don't remember what year it was, but a giant asteroid slammed into Jupiter.

02:24:51.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:52.000 And they realized, like, oh, wait a minute.

02:24:54.000 They are way bigger than we thought.

02:24:56.000 Like, when that happens, an asteroid slammed into Jupiter and the explosion was larger than the size of the Earth.

02:25:02.000 Yeah.

02:25:03.000 They have pictures of that.

02:25:05.000 I think that's true.

02:25:07.000 Yeah, they do.

02:25:07.000 I might have made that up.

02:25:08.000 No, you're right, I think.

02:25:09.000 Look at that, man.

02:25:12.000 Like, that's the impact.

02:25:13.000 We need that big planet. 0.85

02:25:15.000 Look how it changed the color of the stripe.

02:25:18.000 I heard that we wouldn't be here without Jupiter because it scoops up a lot of the asteroids.

02:25:23.000 Yeah, apparently it's so massive that it sucks things into it.

02:25:27.000 It said, each SL9 nucleus hurled material into space which left a large scar when it fell onto Jupiter.

02:25:35.000 God, it's so amazing to think that there's these enormous Miami-sized rocks.

02:25:42.000 Just flying through space.

02:25:44.000 And they could just slam into us.

02:25:46.000 And then everything's off.

02:25:49.000 Everything's off.

02:25:49.000 The electricity, the power, the lights, the sun.

02:25:52.000 You can't breathe.

02:25:54.000 You know, if you're anywhere near the impact, you're dead instantly.

02:25:57.000 Anywhere near, hundreds of miles, thousands of miles.

02:26:00.000 Even in the atmosphere, I hear you burn up just from the heat of it. 1.00

02:26:03.000 Dude, you're so fucked. 1.00

02:26:05.000 You're so triple-double fucked. 1.00

02:26:06.000 That volcano that you were talking about earlier? 1.00

02:26:09.000 Mm-hmm.

02:26:10.000 When's that supposed to blow up? 0.65

02:26:12.000 Because that'll kill everybody, right?

02:26:13.000 It's a caldera.

02:26:15.000 Supervolcano.

02:26:16.000 It's a volcano that they didn't realize was a volcano until, like, they started using satellites, I believe.

02:26:21.000 They just thought that it was, like, seismically active.

02:26:24.000 Hot springs.

02:26:25.000 Yeah, beautiful.

02:26:26.000 So pretty.

02:26:27.000 Dankjewiden. 0.97

02:26:28.000 And then one day, is that the actual impact?

02:26:30.000 Oh my god, you can see the impact.

02:26:33.000 Look at that.

02:26:35.000 Watch how it hits.

02:26:36.000 And it breaks up.

02:26:37.000 Back it up.

02:26:38.000 Watch this.

02:26:39.000 Look at this.

02:26:39.000 Here's how it hits.

02:26:40.000 The gravity breaks it up, I think, before it hits.

02:26:42.000 And so there's like a bunch of old pockmarks.

02:26:44.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom.

02:26:46.000 Look at that.

02:26:47.000 So that explosion apparently was the size of the Earth.

02:26:52.000 What if that wasn't what it was?

02:26:53.000 Find out if that's true.

02:26:53.000 I could maybe use aliens, bro.

02:26:55.000 Find out if that's true.

02:26:56.000 Was that explosion the size of the Earth?

02:26:59.000 I think we shouldn't check any of what we were saying, just in case.

02:27:02.000 Let's just not check.

02:27:04.000 Assume we're right.

02:27:05.000 I don't know if I'm right, but I think it's somewhere in that range.

02:27:07.000 But if that hit us, man, that's a rapper.

02:27:09.000 I think the red dot's about our size, the red storm. 0.99

02:27:13.000 And the thing is, man, there's fucking holes all over this planet where it hit. 0.98

02:27:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:27:18.000 Things hit here all the time.

02:27:19.000 There's like no rhyme or reason to it either.

02:27:21.000 It's not like they wouldn't hit us, man.

02:27:23.000 We're like really close to 5G nationwide. 0.99

02:27:27.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.98

02:27:29.000 Those rocks are flying out of nowhere. 0.99

02:27:31.000 And by the way, if you really want to see an end to racism, it'll be when a giant rock is coming from the sky to kill us all. 1.00

02:27:38.000 Then you realize how stupid it was to care. 1.00

02:27:41.000 That's what's going to happen. 1.00

02:27:42.000 What were we all trying to feel different? 0.99

02:27:44.000 Racism, sexism, any kind of discrimination, homophobia, all of it's going to seem so stupid when you see a rock flying out of the sky. 0.99

02:27:50.000 They're like, my God, I've been so distracted! 1.00

02:27:52.000 Yeah.

02:27:54.000 I don't know if they can even knock those things out.

02:27:56.000 That was a little exaggeration.

02:27:59.000 It says one group of astronomers estimated the object to be 16.5 to 65 feet across.

02:28:04.000 Oh, same size.

02:28:05.000 Roughly.

02:28:07.000 But the explosion.

02:28:08.000 Didn't they say the explosion was some massive amount?

02:28:10.000 I thought I remembered that too, but that's not what I'm seeing.

02:28:12.000 What are they saying about the size of the explosion, though?

02:28:15.000 Because that was the thing that they were stunned by.

02:28:16.000 They were stunned by the actual size of the impact area, even though it is a gas giant. 0.97

02:28:21.000 So I don't know how the fuck it even... 0.97

02:28:23.000 What is happening? 0.93

02:28:25.000 What's happening when it hasn't...

02:28:26.000 Maybe there's a hard core at the bottom.

02:28:29.000 Probably, right?

02:28:30.000 I don't even know. 1.00

02:28:30.000 How stupid am I? It's a gas giant. 1.00

02:28:33.000 It's just a gas giant.

02:28:35.000 I would say that real confidently if I knew someone was going to question me.

02:28:39.000 I'd be like, well, you know, Jupiter's a gas giant.

02:28:40.000 Yeah.

02:28:41.000 Oh, yeah.

02:28:42.000 I'm very confident when my work can't be checked.

02:28:46.000 Venus, hottest planet in the solar system, and it's not the closest, and it's because of greenhouse gases.

02:28:51.000 Is that true?

02:28:52.000 Which we're pumping into our atmosphere.

02:28:53.000 Wow.

02:28:54.000 We are.

02:28:54.000 You can melt metal on the surface of Venus.

02:28:57.000 Yeah.

02:28:58.000 Things.

02:28:59.000 I do notice more fires.

02:29:01.000 Mm-hmm.

02:29:02.000 Well, the climate's certainly shifting.

02:29:05.000 But this is my point.

02:29:06.000 Not that there's anything wrong with recognizing that we're doing irreparable harm to the atmosphere.

02:29:12.000 We definitely are. 0.99

02:29:13.000 But we also should be aware that even if we weren't, this motherfucker is not stable. 0.99

02:29:18.000 It's not. 0.98

02:29:19.000 Even if people had a zero impact on the environment.

02:29:22.000 Absolute zero.

02:29:23.000 We don't take out.

02:29:24.000 We don't put back.

02:29:25.000 It's perfect.

02:29:26.000 It's a perfect balance and harmony. 1.00

02:29:27.000 We're still fucked. 1.00

02:29:28.000 We're gonna die before that, probably. 1.00

02:29:30.000 Yeah, we're still fucked. 1.00

02:29:31.000 We need to wrap your head around that. 0.99

02:29:32.000 I suppose that could be worded that way, that it was an Earth-sized explosion.

02:29:35.000 It does say that.

02:29:36.000 I mean, when you compare...

02:29:38.000 Hey! 0.99

02:29:38.000 I told you, son. 0.99

02:29:39.000 Look at that.

02:29:40.000 I told you, son.

02:29:41.000 It would be close to the size.

02:29:42.000 I told you, son.

02:29:45.000 But isn't the air nice in LA now?

02:29:47.000 I mean, I used to have to clean soot off my porch all the time, but now it's like...

02:29:51.000 Well, they burnt all those buildings down and just cleaned everything out.

02:29:54.000 Which ones?

02:29:55.000 All the ones they burnt down.

02:29:57.000 Oh, from the riots?

02:29:57.000 Yeah.

02:29:58.000 Yeah, but the no working is great for the air.

02:30:01.000 Terrible for the economy, but super good for the air.

02:30:04.000 If you are buying a $30,000 car, you have to buy a Tesla.

02:30:09.000 We're doing a Tesla ad.

02:30:10.000 A long one, too, right?

02:30:12.000 I just feel like...

02:30:12.000 Has it been long?

02:30:13.000 How much are they paying us?

02:30:14.000 A lot.

02:30:15.000 Good.

02:30:15.000 They're paying us with...

02:30:16.000 He keeps making cool shit. 0.99

02:30:17.000 It's amazing, though. 0.99

02:30:18.000 It's all you need.

02:30:19.000 Yeah, I just want him to keep making cool stuff and succeed. 0.98

02:30:23.000 That Roadster is fucking vaporware, though, son. 0.98

02:30:26.000 What do you mean? 0.99

02:30:26.000 When's that thing coming out? 0.99

02:30:27.000 Oh, they had to push that.

02:30:28.000 The Roadster. 0.99

02:30:28.000 You don't hear a goddamn word. 0.99

02:30:29.000 I want the Roadster, Elon. 1.00

02:30:31.000 I love the truck. 0.99

02:30:33.000 Where's the goddamn Roadster? 0.99

02:30:34.000 Everything got bumped. 1.00

02:30:35.000 What?

02:30:36.000 Coming?

02:30:37.000 This is three days old.

02:30:39.000 What is this?

02:30:39.000 That's a Taycan, bro.

02:30:40.000 That's a Porsche.

02:30:41.000 See, new Tesla Roadster next to the Porsche Taycan.

02:30:43.000 That's the Roadster?

02:30:44.000 It could be a CGI version, which does look like it is.

02:30:47.000 Looks super CGI. Doesn't look real.

02:30:49.000 Is that really the Roadster?

02:30:51.000 No.

02:30:51.000 Oh, it has the roof on it.

02:30:54.000 It's not real.

02:30:55.000 Oh, I see. 0.99

02:30:56.000 God damn, it's beautiful though. 0.99

02:30:57.000 It's gonna have rockets in the back. 0.99

02:30:59.000 That is what it looks like though, even though that CGI, since my eyes suck anyway, for me, I could be tricked.

02:31:06.000 You know what I can't be tricked by though?

02:31:08.000 Model cars.

02:31:10.000 What do you mean?

02:31:10.000 When I see a photo of a model car, even if it's perfect, it's so weird.

02:31:16.000 I don't know what that is, but there's a thing going on.

02:31:19.000 Something microscopic with the shadows and right, something you're not conscious of. 1.00

02:31:23.000 Whatever it is, I'm like, bullshit! 0.99

02:31:26.000 I call fake car. 0.99

02:31:27.000 But you know what I mean?

02:31:28.000 Like, how do you know that a model car is fake, but you do?

02:31:32.000 I haven't honestly tried.

02:31:34.000 Jamie, please do me a favor.

02:31:35.000 Jamie, can you fill some model cars?

02:31:36.000 Google.

02:31:38.000 What do you got here, buddy?

02:31:39.000 I'll tell you.

02:31:39.000 The flying Tesla.

02:31:40.000 Oh, that's right.

02:31:41.000 It lifts off the ground.

02:31:42.000 1.1 second.

02:31:43.000 That's not happening.

02:31:45.000 0-60 in 1.1 seconds? 0.99

02:31:47.000 What in the fuck is that? 1.00

02:31:49.000 What kind of nonsense was I just talking about? 1.00

02:31:53.000 What was I just saying? 0.92

02:31:55.000 I mean, it's just been two hours of nonsense.

02:31:57.000 Jamie, anything?

02:31:57.000 It's hard to hear and read at the same time.

02:31:59.000 Oh, model cars, you can tell.

02:32:01.000 Oh, that's right.

02:32:02.000 Please pull up a video, or a picture, rather, of a model car.

02:32:06.000 Pull up a...

02:32:08.000 Or a real one.

02:32:09.000 1969 Corvette model car.

02:32:12.000 Let's see that.

02:32:13.000 That sounds pretty reasonable.

02:32:14.000 Also, because it's a plastic car.

02:32:16.000 Like, the Corvette is actually a plastic vehicle.

02:32:19.000 Like, maybe that would be better to look at.

02:32:21.000 But Jamie also...

02:32:22.000 Or pull up a real one and see if you can tell.

02:32:24.000 I'm going to see if I can find a photographer that does magic and see if there's a good photo.

02:32:30.000 I don't want to look too hard.

02:32:31.000 But just give me a regular one first.

02:32:33.000 Just give me a regular one first to base it off of.

02:32:37.000 Because instantly you'll know.

02:32:39.000 And I don't know how you would ever describe this to other people.

02:32:42.000 Let me see if I know.

02:32:44.000 That's a real car, bro.

02:32:45.000 I know that car.

02:32:46.000 That's actually a real car.

02:32:47.000 Okay. 1.00

02:32:48.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:32:49.000 That's a, what that is, is a, first of all, make that bigger again, because I might take as hard as a rock. 1.00

02:32:54.000 That is a goddamn beautiful, that is um, generation three.

02:32:59.000 That's a generation three Corvette, maybe like uh, I think between 67 and like in the early 70s. 0.98

02:33:07.000 That one's got the side pipes and they got an extra wide body kit on it.

02:33:11.000 And I got a boner. 1.00

02:33:14.000 That's America, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:33:16.000 Don't go away from that car. 1.00

02:33:17.000 Go back to that car, son.

02:33:18.000 Go back to that car.

02:33:20.000 No, no, no.

02:33:20.000 Go back.

02:33:21.000 Go back.

02:33:21.000 Here's the thing.

02:33:22.000 It's not. 1.00

02:33:22.000 Because that one's got a bold white stripe right down the fucking nose. 1.00

02:33:27.000 That's ebony and ivory. 0.99

02:33:28.000 They live together in perfect harmony on this 1969 Corvette.

02:33:31.000 I love the message of that. 1.00

02:33:32.000 Yes, with side pipes and flared fucking tires! 0.99

02:33:35.000 That's what you don't get from an electric car is feeling an engine and pulling on a... 0.99

02:33:41.000 Shifting gears.

02:33:41.000 You don't get that.

02:33:42.000 You don't get the wildness.

02:33:44.000 You don't get any Leonard Skinner going on in the back of your head.

02:33:48.000 You just get a...

02:33:49.000 But it's still...

02:33:51.000 It's better.

02:33:52.000 It's like if I had to choose one car to drive for the rest of my life, whether it be a Hot Rod every day or a Tesla, I'd be like, I'm going to take the Tesla.

02:33:58.000 I remember the Hot Rod.

02:33:59.000 It's going to be always awesome.

02:34:00.000 You have the fastest Tesla.

02:34:03.000 It's amazing.

02:34:04.000 That's real.

02:34:04.000 Also, just never going to the gas station is such a pleasure.

02:34:08.000 God, it's so pretty.

02:34:10.000 Just pull up a model car.

02:34:12.000 Okay, that's a model car.

02:34:15.000 I don't...

02:34:16.000 Is that a model car?

02:34:17.000 It's hard to tell. 0.97

02:34:17.000 It's a shitty photo. 0.97

02:34:18.000 Yeah, the steering wheel is... 0.99

02:34:19.000 It looks a little fake, but it's a shitty photo. 0.52

02:34:21.000 It's hard to tell. 0.68

02:34:21.000 The resolution's not very good. 0.68

02:34:23.000 Go to model car photos.

02:34:26.000 That's what I have.

02:34:27.000 That's literally what I typed in, and that's not what's coming up. 0.99

02:34:29.000 Oh, these cunts. 0.99

02:34:30.000 They're trying to trick you. 1.00

02:34:31.000 There's one.

02:34:32.000 It's not a good picture.

02:34:34.000 Alright, let's try model car 65 Mustang.

02:34:38.000 Let's try one of those.

02:34:39.000 Because the problem with these is, like, there's probably not as many model... 0.98

02:34:43.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. 0.78

02:34:46.000 I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of them. 0.98

02:34:47.000 I would assume there's got to be an Instagram account.

02:34:49.000 Oh, yeah, someone must.

02:34:50.000 I know what I will have.

02:34:52.000 Click on that green one with the box.

02:34:54.000 That's a fake one?

02:34:55.000 Yeah.

02:34:56.000 Okay, there you can tell.

02:34:56.000 That's a fake.

02:34:57.000 It's really small.

02:34:58.000 You can't see it.

02:34:59.000 That's fake, too, though.

02:35:00.000 Yeah, it's hard to tell. 0.99

02:35:02.000 That looks fake as fuck. 0.98

02:35:03.000 No, but make it larger. 0.99

02:35:04.000 That's a perfect example, actually.

02:35:06.000 Look.

02:35:07.000 Yeah.

02:35:07.000 Like, something about you is like, nah, player.

02:35:11.000 Right?

02:35:11.000 You look at that.

02:35:12.000 Yeah, what is it, though?

02:35:13.000 I don't know, Jamie.

02:35:14.000 Look at it.

02:35:15.000 What is it?

02:35:17.000 Something about that...

02:35:18.000 I mean, where it is, it's like in the middle of a white... 0.99

02:35:21.000 I don't know, man.

02:35:21.000 I know it's little.

02:35:22.000 I wonder if you put some people around that and some tire marks.

02:35:26.000 No, no, no, no.

02:35:27.000 I think even if you CGI'd people onto that picture that were like normal-sized people relative to that car, just keep it still for a second.

02:35:35.000 Even if you CGI'd people on that, you would still be like, I don't buy it.

02:35:39.000 There's something about the perspective.

02:35:41.000 Here's one of the things.

02:35:43.000 It's because it's a photograph, right?

02:35:45.000 It's not a digital photograph because you look at how it blurs in the background.

02:35:48.000 Am I right, Jamie?

02:35:50.000 A little.

02:35:51.000 A little bit?

02:35:51.000 That's just added in.

02:35:53.000 Oh, it's added in?

02:35:53.000 Yeah.

02:35:54.000 Okay.

02:35:54.000 Could be with the camera.

02:35:55.000 But I think that's also, you recognize perspective.

02:35:59.000 And you're like, just by the way the light is playing off that thing, it seems off.

02:36:03.000 Yeah, it does have a force tilt shift perspective, which wouldn't normally happen.

02:36:06.000 Which gives things a miniature look.

02:36:08.000 Out of the gate, it makes things look fake.

02:36:10.000 Right, that might be a real car that they made look fake.

02:36:14.000 Right, right.

02:36:16.000 It's amazing what happens in your subconscious.

02:36:18.000 We're not even sure what's wrong.

02:36:20.000 That has no blur on it.

02:36:20.000 That is no blur.

02:36:22.000 See, that's a shitty picture, though. 0.70

02:36:23.000 Yeah, I know.

02:36:24.000 You really kind of want to look...

02:36:26.000 I'll make my Instagram account. 0.99

02:36:26.000 Yeah, I bet there's a lot of dudes who are seriously into those fucking things. 0.99

02:36:31.000 Miniature cars. 0.99

02:36:32.000 Cool dudes.

02:36:33.000 They have little displays of them around their house.

02:36:36.000 Would you like to see my...

02:36:39.000 Anything you collect, I think, is that women aren't into. 1.00

02:36:42.000 There's nothing where women are like, oh, that's cool you collect X. Do you think when no one's around, they make the vroom vroom sound? 1.00

02:36:47.000 Oh my god, I had a roommate once.

02:36:49.000 Do you remember when that Star Wars came out with a two-sided lightsaber?

02:36:53.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

02:36:54.000 Darth Maul.

02:36:55.000 Yeah.

02:36:55.000 I had a roommate in New York who was starting to just stand up and everything.

02:36:58.000 I come home, he's on his bed going, wow, wow, wow.

02:37:02.000 Grown man.

02:37:04.000 I bet it made him feel happy.

02:37:07.000 Yeah, but then he felt humiliation.

02:37:09.000 If they came to him in the middle of the night and they said, listen, you don't have to live this life anymore.

02:37:12.000 You'll live the same exact amount of years, but you're going to live as Darth Maul.

02:37:17.000 Is there ever a time where you would have changed your life?

02:37:19.000 I assume no.

02:37:21.000 Like a dark time, like, you know what, I'm going to switch this up.

02:37:24.000 No, I enjoy life.

02:37:25.000 I'm having fun.

02:37:26.000 Yeah.

02:37:27.000 But I think I enjoy...

02:37:30.000 There's like weird challenges to life.

02:37:33.000 That's part of what's fun about it.

02:37:35.000 Like the part of what's fun is overcoming the things that are not fun. 0.98

02:37:38.000 Just like figuring your way through problems and getting better at things and learning things and criticizing yourself and all that shit. 0.89

02:37:45.000 If you go into the matrix, man, all that's over. 0.81

02:37:48.000 Or are you already there?

02:37:49.000 The thing I don't think is right about it is I think you can program the matrix to be annoying and hard.

02:37:55.000 100%. 0.92

02:37:56.000 If you're going to program it to be life, just fuck it up and make it like life is now. 0.99

02:38:00.000 And then, like, that's the natural course of progression. 0.97

02:38:03.000 That's the only way to keep entropy.

02:38:04.000 It's the only way to keep things moving.

02:38:06.000 I'm going to look back for it up.

02:38:07.000 Good and bad.

02:38:09.000 You have to have all the things together.

02:38:11.000 It's the only way things get done.

02:38:12.000 You have to have struggles, otherwise no improvement gets made.

02:38:15.000 You have to have trauma, otherwise love is not appreciated.

02:38:18.000 You have to have all those things.

02:38:19.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:38:21.000 That's like a rich...

02:38:25.000 What's the thing that people load the most?

02:38:27.000 It might be a rich son.

02:38:29.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:38:29.000 A son who's arrogant, didn't have to work for it, he's a piece of shit, he's mean to people. 1.00

02:38:33.000 And he's miserable. 1.00

02:38:34.000 And he didn't do anything to get it. 1.00

02:38:35.000 That's a miserable fuck. 1.00

02:38:36.000 I'm the happiest when I'm working really hard on something. 1.00

02:38:38.000 Right?

02:38:39.000 And when it's done, like when you make one of those videos, and then you get a bunch of positive feedback from it, that's gotta be amazingly satisfying.

02:38:45.000 Yeah, I mean, I do it for free.

02:38:47.000 And also, like, Kurt Metzger helped with that last one. 0.98

02:38:49.000 Well, Kurt's fucking great. 0.96

02:38:52.000 Kurt's hilarious. 0.99

02:38:52.000 He's great. 0.99

02:38:53.000 And we're working on making a show, and it's like we're working so hard and no one is even asking for it, but it's really satisfying and I don't really care about the money. 0.98

02:39:02.000 I feel like you just keep doing those goddamn Instagram videos if you can. 0.96

02:39:05.000 Just keep doing them. 1.00

02:39:07.000 It's undeniable.

02:39:08.000 It's so good.

02:39:09.000 Some of those are so good.

02:39:10.000 They're so mean.

02:39:13.000 Yeah, it's funny.

02:39:13.000 I look back and go, yeah.

02:39:15.000 Oh, they're so funny.

02:39:16.000 I know.

02:39:17.000 Well, Bill Maher asked for it. 0.98

02:39:19.000 I mean, I didn't want to make a video of Bill Maher getting gangbanged, but he came on this program and he said, my impression sucked. 0.97

02:39:26.000 He was asking for it. 0.95

02:39:28.000 What am I supposed to do?

02:39:29.000 Sit there?

02:39:30.000 Listen, I'm on your side with that one.

02:39:33.000 By the way, it's very funny.

02:39:35.000 He should be laughing at that. 1.00

02:39:36.000 That shit was hilarious. 1.00

02:39:37.000 Even if you hate someone's impression, you have to pretend you like it. 1.00

02:39:41.000 There's no saying...

02:39:42.000 You can't lie.

02:39:44.000 You can't say it's not good.

02:39:45.000 It's really good.

02:39:47.000 Don't lie.

02:39:48.000 When you said, oh, let's play it, he was like, I'm leaving.

02:39:51.000 He threatened to leave if you played it.

02:39:53.000 And by the way, and I don't want to...

02:39:56.000 I'm really not mad at Bill Maher.

02:39:57.000 I like having a nemesis.

02:39:58.000 It kind of feels good.

02:39:59.000 I like Bill Maher a lot.

02:40:00.000 I agree with a lot of what he says.

02:40:02.000 The rants that he's been doing during COVID have been the very best.

02:40:07.000 The rants that he does at the beginning of his show, they're great, man.

02:40:12.000 They're great.

02:40:13.000 He's doing them with no audience, but they've been really funny and really good points.

02:40:17.000 It's like he's actually ramped it up during this pandemic.

02:40:21.000 Some of those beginning of the show rants are excellent.

02:40:24.000 He's great writers.

02:40:25.000 They got great writers, man.

02:40:27.000 It's a treasure.

02:40:30.000 That shows a national treasure.

02:40:31.000 But he did get gang banged in my video.

02:40:33.000 In your video, you get gang banged.

02:40:37.000 Both those things exist together.

02:40:38.000 Exactly.

02:40:39.000 But also, he acted like, alright, anyway.

02:40:42.000 Yes, you got a little bitter because he pretended he didn't exist.

02:40:44.000 I went to Hawaii with him in his private plane.

02:40:46.000 Yes.

02:40:47.000 He's like, I don't know him.

02:40:48.000 Now, in his defense, I'm sure I was invisible to him and he forgot me.

02:40:52.000 But like, yeah, we went to the beach, we went to dinners.

02:40:54.000 And then he kind of got, because he did know about the videos, and he told you he didn't, and then he kind of, anyway, listen, he's fine.

02:41:01.000 I get it, but I think, with all due respect, I think he's just looking at it the wrong way.

02:41:06.000 I think it's funny, and I think it doesn't make him any less brilliant, it doesn't make his show any less great.

02:41:12.000 And the show is great, and I think we both admit it.

02:41:14.000 Those rants are brilliant.

02:41:16.000 They're brilliant.

02:41:16.000 I love his rants.

02:41:18.000 I've tweeted a few of them out and said, like, bravo.

02:41:21.000 I tweeted them out.

02:41:22.000 It paid me to make a video where he was getting gangbanged.

02:41:26.000 Did it really hurt?

02:41:26.000 It hurt me.

02:41:27.000 I didn't want to do it.

02:41:28.000 It should.

02:41:29.000 It should.

02:41:29.000 It's so funny, man.

02:41:30.000 It's so funny.

02:41:31.000 And this is coming from a guy who's a fan of Bill Maher.

02:41:33.000 I was laughing hard at that video.

02:41:35.000 I love that you showed your wife and she was like, what's wrong with you?

02:41:41.000 There is a...

02:41:42.000 Comedy is, you know, it's different tastes, different strokes, but...

02:41:46.000 Yeah, it is, but it's also like...

02:41:50.000 Come on, man.

02:41:51.000 If you lighten up, it's almost all funny.

02:41:54.000 I mean, there's some fart videos.

02:41:55.000 I think fart videos can...

02:41:57.000 There's a place for them, I don't think.

02:41:58.000 There's a place for them.

02:41:59.000 But some people don't like them, and I hear about it.

02:42:01.000 There's a place for them.

02:42:02.000 Yeah.

02:42:03.000 Yeah, a good fart.

02:42:04.000 One of the funniest, that movie Norbit with Eddie Murphy.

02:42:08.000 Never saw it.

02:42:09.000 I saw it two nights ago.

02:42:10.000 It was amazing.

02:42:11.000 He plays three people in the movie.

02:42:13.000 I didn't see it.

02:42:14.000 I think it came out in 2007. I didn't see it.

02:42:17.000 Wait, Norbit?

02:42:18.000 Norbit, yeah.

02:42:19.000 Eddie Murphy plays like a nerd character.

02:42:21.000 He plays the nerd's wife, and then he plays this guy who owns this orphanage.

02:42:26.000 He plays a Chinese guy.

02:42:27.000 Dude, it is amazing.

02:42:29.000 It's so funny.

02:42:30.000 The funny parts, the moment where he hits the big laughs... 0.99

02:42:34.000 You're like, holy shit, that's him and him. 0.97

02:42:37.000 So that's Eddie playing the wife, this enormous woman who rescues him from a sandbox, spoiler alert, when he's a little kid and basically kidnaps him and makes him become her husband. 0.99

02:42:49.000 One of her brothers is Terry Crews, and the other brothers are two dudes who are built just like Terry Crews, just big fucking giant dudes, just super jacked, and they're all trying to run some scam on this lady, and Norbert has to fucking step in and save the day. 0.98

02:43:04.000 Dude, I'm telling you, it's so silly. 0.99

02:43:06.000 It's so fun. 0.96

02:43:07.000 I laughed so hard at this movie.

02:43:10.000 So hard. 0.97

02:43:10.000 These are kind of movies that I want to watch now that are just ridiculous. 0.97

02:43:14.000 So silly. 0.94

02:43:15.000 Can we get the Rotten Tomatoes on that? 0.90

02:43:17.000 It's probably like 3%. 1.00

02:43:18.000 Dude, they can suck my dick. 1.00

02:43:20.000 That's a great movie. 1.00

02:43:21.000 It's a funny movie.

02:43:23.000 What does Rotten Tomatoes say?

02:43:24.000 9%?

02:43:25.000 Wait a minute.

02:43:26.000 They're wrong.

02:43:27.000 They're wrong.

02:43:29.000 You gotta trust me.

02:43:29.000 They're wrong.

02:43:30.000 They're wrong.

02:43:31.000 Sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods.

02:43:36.000 How does it get a nine, though? 1.00

02:43:37.000 They're assholes. 1.00

02:43:38.000 Bunch of assholes in the world. 1.00

02:43:39.000 They hate life. 1.00

02:43:40.000 It's fucking great, man. 0.99

02:43:42.000 Listen, I know it's funny. 0.99

02:43:43.000 I laughed hard at that movie.

02:43:45.000 I laughed hard.

02:43:46.000 They just were looking for it to be something else.

02:43:48.000 I mean, the movie was basically like absurdist, It was really funny, man. 1.00

02:43:55.000 And Eddie Murphy played this racist Chinese guy who would say racist shit to him. 0.99

02:44:01.000 Oh, that's him right there. 1.00

02:44:01.000 But it's him saying it. 1.00

02:44:03.000 It's not a Chinese guy. 0.96

02:44:05.000 And it's in 2007, so it flies.

02:44:08.000 Because Eddie probably couldn't even get away with doing that today.

02:44:12.000 People would get so upset if they didn't realize it was Eddie saying that to Eddie.

02:44:17.000 Do you think we'll ever get back to a point where...

02:44:20.000 I think we already brought this up, but like...

02:44:25.000 We can do some other culture.

02:44:27.000 I know you can do Italians, and you can do...

02:44:30.000 You can make fun of Italians, Irish people, English people.

02:44:34.000 You just can't make fun of anybody that we decide is disenfranchised or recent immigrants.

02:44:40.000 Let's say it flips.

02:44:41.000 And then Asians are running America. 0.99

02:44:45.000 Can there be comedy where a white guy does an Asian... 0.98

02:44:50.000 There can be that right now.

02:44:51.000 Nobody cares.

02:44:52.000 I think you can't do that. 0.96

02:44:54.000 Listen, man, a black guy can do whiteface with zero problems. 0.71

02:44:58.000 Yeah. 0.86

02:44:59.000 It's because there was never an Al Jolson for white people. 0.65

02:45:02.000 Right?

02:45:03.000 Isn't that what it is?

02:45:04.000 Probably part of me. 1.00

02:45:06.000 Fucking dancing with the white gloves on. 1.00

02:45:08.000 What is that? 1.00

02:45:09.000 It's bad.

02:45:10.000 On top of everything else, what's...

02:45:13.000 I would pay $1,000 for an Oculus game that puts you and me in the front row.

02:45:19.000 We both put the headphones on.

02:45:20.000 Just to be uncomfortable.

02:45:21.000 We sit down on Apple boxes.

02:45:22.000 We watch a minstrel show that's in a tent in the middle of Kansas in the early 1900s when you're like, oh my gosh, should I just kill myself?

02:45:29.000 Like if you know how this thing turns out.

02:45:30.000 That's one of the last places.

02:45:32.000 If I could go through time or put one of those Oculus things on, it would be...

02:45:36.000 It seems like it would just be really uncomfortable. 0.99

02:45:38.000 Dude, Dorothy was happy she got picked up by a goddamn tornado. 1.00

02:45:41.000 She was happy. 1.00

02:45:43.000 She got brought to the Land of Oz.

02:45:45.000 She got ruby slippers.

02:45:48.000 Her poor life.

02:45:51.000 Hear about the munchkins were molesting her? 1.00

02:45:54.000 The real munchkins? 1.00

02:45:56.000 I don't know.

02:45:56.000 Yeah, there she is.

02:45:57.000 That's her? 0.97

02:45:57.000 Judy Garland with blackface? 0.97

02:45:59.000 Oh my god, that's crazy.

02:46:01.000 Normal thing.

02:46:02.000 She went blackface with buckwheat hair. 1.00

02:46:04.000 She doubled it up.

02:46:05.000 God, it just...

02:46:06.000 That's crazy.

02:46:08.000 Wow.

02:46:10.000 But that was a normal thing.

02:46:13.000 It's like they decided that...

02:46:14.000 I guess they decided that...

02:46:17.000 They wanted to put black people in films without putting actual black people in films and making them famous.

02:46:23.000 So they said, we've got to work around here to make white people black people. 0.96

02:46:27.000 And everyone's going to know.

02:46:28.000 Like, did they know what Al Jolson looked like in real life?

02:46:31.000 I don't know.

02:46:32.000 Or was it like Kiss in the 70s?

02:46:37.000 I have a problem with Kiss because I had a roommate in college who loved Kiss.

02:46:41.000 And he had a girlfriend in our little tiny dorm room.

02:46:46.000 Oh no.

02:46:47.000 It's like a college where it's zero degrees out.

02:46:49.000 You have the windows open.

02:46:50.000 I have to get up because I'd be breathing frost.

02:46:52.000 And he would bang this girl and he just loved kids.

02:46:56.000 And he'd take triple dip acid, go out and stare at the sun and come back.

02:46:59.000 And then one day he rearranged our furniture.

02:47:01.000 So I come home and the door won't open.

02:47:04.000 And he put the refrigerator in front of the door.

02:47:06.000 And he's like, I rearranged the apartment.

02:47:08.000 I'm like, you can't put the...

02:47:10.000 We can't open the door.

02:47:11.000 He was just so high.

02:47:13.000 Anyway, I associate Kiss with him.

02:47:15.000 I'll never like Kiss.

02:47:19.000 Boy, that guy can sell, though.

02:47:20.000 Gene?

02:47:21.000 Oh, he sells. 0.90

02:47:23.000 Paul Stanley can sing his ass off, too. 1.00

02:47:26.000 There's some great fucking songs. 0.99

02:47:28.000 Kiss had some great songs. 1.00

02:47:31.000 Come on and love me.

02:47:32.000 You ever hear that song?

02:47:33.000 How's that go?

02:47:34.000 Wish I could play it for you.

02:47:35.000 Get pulled off the YouTube.

02:47:37.000 I know.

02:47:37.000 Beth, what can I do?

02:47:39.000 That's a great song.

02:47:41.000 It's a good song.

02:47:42.000 I want to rock and roll all night.

02:47:43.000 I party every day.

02:47:44.000 I don't like that song so much.

02:47:47.000 That's not bad, I guess.

02:47:49.000 I want to rock it.

02:47:52.000 I have too much kiss trauma.

02:47:54.000 You gotta let it go, man.

02:47:55.000 It's a great band.

02:47:56.000 I had the total opposite.

02:47:58.000 My uncle was an artist for the very talent company or the advertising company that did their album covers.

02:48:08.000 Oh, those are great.

02:48:09.000 Yeah, my uncle worked in the place.

02:48:13.000 God, I'm trying to remember the name of the album.

02:48:14.000 This is Paul Stanley right here.

02:48:16.000 Gene Simmons, son.

02:48:17.000 Old school.

02:48:18.000 Branding was so good.

02:48:19.000 This is like Kiss Alive Two Days. 0.99

02:48:21.000 I know what the fuck this is, son. 1.00

02:48:23.000 You know what the fuck's going on. 1.00

02:48:26.000 This is a great fucking music, man. 1.00

02:48:29.000 For me, it just locks me into that time. 0.99

02:48:32.000 So you can't show it because then they'll charge you a royalty?

02:48:35.000 Oh man, life.

02:48:36.000 Dude, we had...

02:48:37.000 Gary Clark Jr. did a cover of Midnight Rider.

02:48:41.000 Cover of it.

02:48:42.000 And we played the cover for Instagram.

02:48:44.000 Oh no, what did they charge you for that? 0.99

02:48:45.000 They took the fucking... 1.00

02:48:46.000 They just take your money. 1.00

02:48:48.000 Give me that fucking money, that's ours. 1.00

02:48:50.000 I cannot make money. 1.00

02:48:50.000 They own the song. 1.00

02:48:52.000 Yeah.

02:48:52.000 Even the cover.

02:48:53.000 Which, by the way, he needs to release that.

02:48:56.000 He needs to release that.

02:48:58.000 If I do anything before I die, I need to talk Honey Honey and Gary Clark Jr. into doing another version of Midnight Rider. 0.75

02:49:07.000 That's got to be here before you die.

02:49:09.000 Have you ever heard it?

02:49:10.000 No.

02:49:10.000 Can I play it for you?

02:49:11.000 Yeah.

02:49:11.000 Play it for him.

02:49:12.000 How much does this cost?

02:49:13.000 Let him take the money. 1.00

02:49:14.000 These fucks. 1.00

02:49:16.000 These fucking thieves. 1.00

02:49:17.000 You fucking thieves. 1.00

02:49:18.000 The one that they did on the Instagram. 1.00

02:49:22.000 Yeah, it's just so distinctive.

02:49:26.000 So good.

02:49:27.000 They have YouTube copyright claims and all kinds of stuff.

02:49:32.000 You can't show parts of films.

02:49:34.000 If it was up to me, I would start off every podcast with Clint Eastwood talking to the Comanches. 1.00

02:49:40.000 These are my words of life and also my words of death.

02:49:43.000 These are my words of life.

02:49:44.000 Ever see that?

02:49:45.000 In the Outlaw Josie Wales?

02:49:46.000 No.

02:49:46.000 So this is them.

02:49:47.000 This is a small club in downtown.

02:49:51.000 And there's probably like...

02:49:54.000 Sorry, who is this?

02:49:55.000 That's my friend Suzanne Santo and Ben Jaffe.

02:49:58.000 They're a band called Honey Honey. 0.99

02:49:59.000 And that motherfucker behind the guitar is one of the baddest to ever do it. 0.99

02:50:03.000 That's Gary Clark Jr. I just thought about being... 0.99

02:50:06.000 How long it's been since I've been in a club of any kind.

02:50:10.000 I know, right?

02:50:11.000 I'm doing Houston next weekend.

02:50:13.000 Oh, yeah?

02:50:14.000 Yeah, I'm doing the improv.

02:50:15.000 Do they give you any, I don't know, restriction amount of people?

02:50:17.000 Don't spit in people's mouths.

02:50:19.000 That was your big closer.

02:50:21.000 That's how it was going to end.

02:50:23.000 No, man.

02:50:23.000 Just go have some fun.

02:50:24.000 They don't have like a restriction on number of people in the room or anything?

02:50:28.000 75% capacity.

02:50:30.000 They trimmed it down only 25%.

02:50:33.000 Just take care of yourself, folks.

02:50:35.000 Get your vitamins in.

02:50:37.000 Get in the sauna. 1.00

02:50:38.000 Take your vitamin D. Wear a fucking mask. 1.00

02:50:40.000 Do what you gotta do. 1.00

02:50:41.000 Is that true that D is the important one?

02:50:43.000 It's huge.

02:50:44.000 It's huge.

02:50:45.000 It's huge for a lot of things.

02:50:46.000 It's huge for muscle development.

02:50:48.000 It's huge for brain function.

02:50:50.000 It's a hormone, apparently.

02:50:51.000 As well, according to Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she's been on my podcast before, she was explaining that all these people that were in the intensive care union with COVID A giant percentage of them, like more than 80% of them in one study, had insufficient levels of vitamin D. And only 4% had sufficient levels.

02:51:11.000 And so then she told me that 70% of the United States is deficient in vitamin D. 70%.

02:51:17.000 Because we're not in the sun as much?

02:51:18.000 Exactly.

02:51:19.000 And only 29% have sufficient vitamin D, which is just like bonkers.

02:51:26.000 Only 29%, oh no, no, no, no, excuse me.

02:51:29.000 29% What was it?

02:51:33.000 I want to say had insufficient. 0.79

02:51:38.000 I'm fucking the numbers up. 0.73

02:51:39.000 But there was a very small number of people, like if it was 70% or deficient, there was a certain number of people that had insufficient levels to the point where they were vulnerable, their immune system was vulnerable, 0.97

02:51:54.000 and they could get more diseases.

02:51:56.000 It was a large number. 0.96

02:51:57.000 I'm fucking up the number, though. 0.98

02:51:58.000 I'm always low on D. You don't go outside, man. 0.98

02:52:01.000 If you don't go outside and you don't take it, you're not going to get it.

02:52:03.000 Yeah, I do take it.

02:52:04.000 But what they're discovering is there's a lot of things that have to interact together in your body to keep you healthy.

02:52:15.000 You have to have electrolytes.

02:52:16.000 You have to have amino acids.

02:52:18.000 You have to have vitamins.

02:52:19.000 You have to have all these things.

02:52:20.000 And when one of them is missing, and one of them is severely missing, and a really important one like vitamin D, The whole thing gets thrown into whack and you get vulnerable.

02:52:28.000 That's part of what we're showing here.

02:52:30.000 There's a metabolic vulnerability that a lot of people have.

02:52:35.000 And it's not just that the virus is scary, but it's also that people have really fucked up immune systems because they're not healthy, because they're not getting enough vitamins.

02:52:44.000 When you find all these athletes That catch this disease and shake it off like it's nothing.

02:52:50.000 You gotta go, okay, we were talking yesterday about these NBA players that got it.

02:52:53.000 No symptoms.

02:52:54.000 They just got it.

02:52:55.000 And then they're fine.

02:52:56.000 I know a bunch of people that have got it like that.

02:52:58.000 Like, man, I don't know.

02:52:59.000 I think this is showing vulnerability.

02:53:02.000 And people's immune systems more than anything.

02:53:04.000 We should be really concerned about that. 0.88

02:53:06.000 On top of being concerned about spreading the disease, god damn, we gotta spread information on how to strengthen your immune system. 0.92

02:53:12.000 Well yeah, I mean that vitamin D is probably a good tip. 0.97

02:53:15.000 It's a good tip, but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

02:53:17.000 The water is important.

02:53:18.000 Drink a lot of water, stay hydrated, have a lot of electrolytes, have vitamins, all the vitamins.

02:53:23.000 Risky, pot.

02:53:23.000 Make sure you get high at least once a day so you can sleep good and be scared all the time.

02:53:29.000 There's a lot of shit going on, man, but we're only here on one side. 0.99

02:53:34.000 Yeah, I haven't been to the doctor in a while. 0.99

02:53:37.000 Knock on wood, I feel pretty healthy.

02:53:40.000 I was diagnosed with celiac disease.

02:53:42.000 You're going to be in the doctor after Bill Maher finds you.

02:53:45.000 Should I be scared of him?

02:53:46.000 I should be shivering.

02:53:48.000 He might get aggressive with you.

02:53:49.000 What would Bill Maher do? 1.00

02:53:51.000 Swing right for your dick. 1.00

02:53:54.000 Don't shoot my dick with cocaine, Bill Maher. 1.00

02:53:57.000 Okay, people. 1.00

02:53:59.000 Here comes cocaine into your cock, okay? 1.00

02:54:03.000 You fuck. 1.00

02:54:04.000 That's so good. 1.00

02:54:05.000 That's such a good impression.

02:54:07.000 Anyone who says it's not a good impression, come on, man.

02:54:10.000 I do a lot of impressions.

02:54:11.000 They're not all good.

02:54:13.000 I think my Elon's pretty weak, but my bill's pretty good.

02:54:17.000 Your bill's pretty good.

02:54:18.000 It's very good.

02:54:19.000 You're Caitlyn Jenner.

02:54:20.000 Caitlyn Jenner is her voice now.

02:54:22.000 Yeah, baby! 1.00

02:54:23.000 That's her voice now.

02:54:23.000 I don't see her speaking any other way.

02:54:27.000 Why do you have those noises you had to say?

02:54:29.000 Well, she does that because she's... 1.00

02:54:30.000 I think she's alone a lot and she answers herself.

02:54:33.000 You know, she'll be like, hey, I want you to get some shoes.

02:54:35.000 And she's going, yeah.

02:54:37.000 And then I bought some Jimmy shoes.

02:54:40.000 How weird.

02:54:43.000 Where's Kim? 1.00

02:54:45.000 Anybody that thinks that's a superficial aspect of our culture today, you're out of your mind.

02:54:51.000 That Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner, it's no big deal.

02:54:55.000 The weirdness of it, not saying that she shouldn't be able to do that, she absolutely should, but the weirdness of that sort of defines how crazy life is today.

02:55:05.000 It's almost like you're seeing these little hints when you're getting close to the end of the game.

02:55:09.000 Nah! 0.99

02:55:11.000 The narrative's falling apart. 1.00

02:55:12.000 The fucking plot gets weirder and weirder. 0.99

02:55:14.000 You're like, oh my god, when is the big reveal? 1.00

02:55:16.000 He's at Olympic.

02:55:17.000 And then at the end of it, aliens.

02:55:20.000 Yeah.

02:55:21.000 Well you watch that new, now there's a new footage or simulation of the car crash.

02:55:25.000 Because originally I thought the lady stopped in front of him, but her, it was him, it was Bruce at the time.

02:55:31.000 But it looks like now that she just plowed right through these two people.

02:55:36.000 Oh my god.

02:55:37.000 And pushed him right into traffic, right?

02:55:38.000 And died, yeah.

02:55:39.000 I don't know if this simulation is right, but the one I saw in the new theory is that like...

02:55:45.000 She was on her phone?

02:55:47.000 They didn't know what she was doing, but the lady in front of her didn't slam on her brakes. 1.00

02:55:51.000 It was like they were slowing down for her life.

02:55:54.000 Let me tell you how progressive I feel saying she.

02:55:56.000 Yeah.

02:55:57.000 I keep saying she.

02:55:58.000 She. 0.93

02:55:58.000 You are. 0.93

02:55:59.000 You're a hero.

02:56:00.000 I think she was Bruce back then.

02:56:01.000 Yeah, she was Bruce.

02:56:02.000 So, what do you say about that?

02:56:04.000 Yeah, Bruce did it!

02:56:06.000 God, that Bruce can't drive, huh?

02:56:08.000 Anyway, Woman of the Year, baby!

02:56:11.000 That's what happened.

02:56:12.000 Woman of the Year after that.

02:56:14.000 Yeah.

02:56:16.000 Pretty soon after.

02:56:17.000 Pretty weird.

02:56:18.000 Kind of weird.

02:56:18.000 How does the family feel that their mom died and then they're like, oh, the speech of the woman of the year.

02:56:23.000 I'm pretty upset about that.

02:56:26.000 I mean, I don't know what the accent was exactly, but it...

02:56:29.000 It looks like pretty bad.

02:56:32.000 But it's weird how rarely it's discussed.

02:56:34.000 That's what's weird.

02:56:36.000 Well, it came at such a time where you were transphobic if you said anything about her.

02:56:41.000 So it was like the perfect timing for murder.

02:56:45.000 It wasn't murder.

02:56:47.000 For someone getting away with it.

02:56:49.000 Yeah.

02:56:50.000 Yeah, everybody was so enthralled with the idea that she was beautiful.

02:56:58.000 Like there was things you had to say.

02:56:59.000 Yeah, beautiful, hero, brave.

02:57:01.000 And I'm like, hey, hey, hey.

02:57:02.000 And also that was Bruce.

02:57:04.000 And it was like you couldn't even say really comfortably Bruce anymore.

02:57:08.000 And so Caitlin didn't do it.

02:57:09.000 Caitlin didn't do it.

02:57:11.000 Literally like she dodged the bullet.

02:57:15.000 Perfect timing.

02:57:16.000 If you're gonna scream someone into a Hummer across traffic, that's a good time. 1.00

02:57:21.000 I wonder if that was what pushed her to come out.

02:57:24.000 You know what?

02:57:25.000 Can you imagine?

02:57:26.000 Let's assume.

02:57:26.000 Let's stop researching.

02:57:27.000 Was she out before that?

02:57:29.000 She definitely was having long hair. 0.89

02:57:31.000 We're just talking.

02:57:31.000 Again, we're making up.

02:57:32.000 We're just making stuff.

02:57:34.000 We don't know. 0.97

02:57:35.000 You must be homophobic. 0.98

02:57:37.000 Or transphobic. 0.96

02:57:39.000 But that may have hurried things up.

02:57:41.000 It might have been the catalyst.

02:57:42.000 I would have.

02:57:43.000 I'll tell you, if I did that and I was transitioning anyway, I'd bump up that appointment.

02:57:48.000 Imagine if there was like a PR guy and he's like, I got a plan.

02:57:52.000 Well, I mean, anybody. 0.99

02:57:55.000 Everyone in your family with a vagina is making a lot of money. 1.00

02:57:58.000 You're doing terrible. 1.00

02:57:59.000 I mean, come on, who's going to fuck you now anyway? 1.00

02:58:01.000 Rob's next. 1.00

02:58:01.000 Let's get this party started. 1.00

02:58:02.000 All right.

02:58:04.000 Let's keep that action and hush hush.

02:58:08.000 Look at my garden.

02:58:09.000 You know what's funny about this celebrity?

02:58:10.000 Do you know she's seen it?

02:58:12.000 Oh, I know Chloe made a video where she was like, we're mad at you. 1.00

02:58:16.000 She kept doing that, but didn't say my...

02:58:19.000 That's hilarious.

02:58:20.000 I have a video where they just all say that.

02:58:21.000 That's hilarious.

02:58:22.000 So I think she saw that one.

02:58:23.000 Look, they must have a good sense of humor.

02:58:26.000 They've been taking abuse for more than a decade now.

02:58:29.000 Yeah, I think mine's so cartoonish.

02:58:31.000 Yeah, I know, when you make the noises.

02:58:35.000 Oh.

02:58:36.000 Ding, ding, yum, yum.

02:58:38.000 Dirt, doi.

02:58:40.000 Oh! 0.60

02:58:41.000 My two girls! 0.99

02:58:43.000 Bro, I saw somebody actually quote, I saw somebody on Twitter that actually said, stop calling people Karens, it's misogynistic, and it's just a convenient way of you saying bitch. 0.99

02:58:56.000 Really? 0.98

02:58:57.000 Yeah, this is so funny!

02:59:00.000 People just can't stop.

02:59:02.000 They can't stop correcting people.

02:59:05.000 No.

02:59:05.000 They can't stop telling people what to do.

02:59:07.000 Their life is a fucking mess, and they can't stop correcting other people. 0.99

02:59:12.000 It's gotta feel good. 1.00

02:59:13.000 You gotta get some charge out of it.

02:59:15.000 Can you imagine you can't call people a Karen? 1.00

02:59:17.000 I know a lot of Karens, and they're really nice people, so fuck off. 1.00

02:59:20.000 Yeah, Karens are great. 1.00

02:59:21.000 The haircut I love.

02:59:22.000 The little angled haircut.

02:59:23.000 But there's, like, women. 1.00

02:59:25.000 Their name is Karen.

02:59:26.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

02:59:27.000 Oh, yeah.

02:59:28.000 Actual Karens.

02:59:29.000 But if you complain...

02:59:30.000 You're a Karen.

02:59:31.000 It's just gonna stick around.

02:59:34.000 Someone's saying don't call women a Karen.

02:59:37.000 Is a Karen. 1.00

02:59:38.000 Oh, that's so dumb. 1.00

02:59:39.000 You're so silly. 1.00

02:59:40.000 Like, you should be laughing at all this. 1.00

02:59:41.000 This is not...

02:59:42.000 If your name is Karen, well, I could get why you're upset.

02:59:46.000 For all these years, you skated by. 0.99

02:59:48.000 And then for fucking whatever reason, Karen became the complaining white lady. 1.00

02:59:53.000 Do you know how? 0.99

02:59:54.000 Was it first a Karen?

02:59:56.000 Was patient zero a Karen?

02:59:57.000 I have no idea.

02:59:58.000 Maybe.

02:59:58.000 It's a great name for it.

03:00:00.000 It's a perfect name. 0.99

03:00:01.000 Maybe that's why.

03:00:02.000 It just seems perfect.

03:00:03.000 Yeah.

03:00:03.000 Who else would it be?

03:00:04.000 Karen's calling the manager.

03:00:05.000 Helen.

03:00:05.000 Maybe a Helen.

03:00:06.000 Helen's too old. 1.00

03:00:07.000 Right.

03:00:08.000 Helen's mean. 0.99

03:00:09.000 Caitlyn's too, or Katherine.

03:00:11.000 Caitlyn's owned by Caitlyn Jenna forever.

03:00:13.000 No kids calling their daughter Caitlyn now.

03:00:15.000 It's like just too risky.

03:00:17.000 Yeah, Caitlyn.

03:00:19.000 Caitlyn is...

03:00:20.000 It's like you can't call your kid Madonna.

03:00:22.000 Right.

03:00:23.000 Right.

03:00:24.000 You can't call your kid Caitlyn either.

03:00:25.000 Madonna's parents shouldn't have called her Madonna.

03:00:27.000 I don't think they did.

03:00:28.000 Oh, she made that up?

03:00:29.000 I think she, yeah.

03:00:30.000 Her last name is a Cuchione or something.

03:00:32.000 Cuchione.

03:00:32.000 Something like that.

03:00:33.000 I think she had a real name at one point in time in her life.

03:00:35.000 She's fallen...

03:00:37.000 She's... 1.00

03:00:37.000 I don't know. 1.00

03:00:39.000 Are you trying to be nice?

03:00:40.000 No, I'm just like, I don't have enough information with anything I've said today, so I'm stopping myself.

03:00:45.000 I hear rumors and I let people know.

03:00:47.000 Yeah, that's a good move.

03:00:48.000 Just spread the word.

03:00:49.000 Let the information...

03:00:51.000 It's not stopping anybody else.

03:00:53.000 No, it's not.

03:00:54.000 It doesn't matter, even with all this information that's available.

03:00:57.000 Why should I look something up?

03:00:58.000 Yeah, why should you? 1.00

03:00:59.000 These fucks. 1.00

03:01:00.000 They want you to do what they don't even do? 1.00

03:01:02.000 They're bidding.

03:01:03.000 There is a lot of conversations, I don't know if you've noticed, where...

03:01:06.000 Where you think you're having a conversation with somebody, but really they're just checking if you agree with every single thing they're saying.

03:01:13.000 And then you get this venom if you diverge from...

03:01:17.000 It's really weird, but I've had a few bump-ins with people.

03:01:20.000 So that if you diverge from their ideology at all, they get venom?

03:01:24.000 Yeah.

03:01:25.000 I mean, the rage that comes up surprised me a couple of times.

03:01:28.000 Like a cult feeling of you're saying the wrong...

03:01:31.000 I don't know.

03:01:31.000 What were the subjects?

03:01:32.000 Yeah.

03:01:33.000 I mean, black lives matter.

03:01:35.000 I mean, you know, my brother's a cop, and so it's like I have a little...

03:01:39.000 Well, you are in a position...

03:01:42.000 You agree, I think, with a lot of reasonable people that what that guy did was horrific.

03:01:48.000 100%.

03:01:48.000 Murder, awful, and good.

03:01:50.000 Put him in jail forever.

03:01:51.000 And there's definitely racism, and it's something definitely that we...

03:01:55.000 Well, there's also a personal issue with that guy and the cop, apparently.

03:01:59.000 You know about that?

03:02:00.000 They apparently worked together, and then they had words.

03:02:03.000 Oh, they did.

03:02:04.000 Yeah.

03:02:05.000 Because the cop was apparently very aggressive towards customers and they got angry at each other over it.

03:02:12.000 So this is a personal thing in a lot of ways.

03:02:14.000 But that said, defunding the police is crazy. 0.99

03:02:17.000 That's a very dumb idea. 0.97

03:02:18.000 I mean, they're underfunded. 0.99

03:02:20.000 Yeah.

03:02:20.000 It's also, the job, I just know, it's just so hard.

03:02:23.000 Imagine going to where people are being assholes every day, all day, for decades, and you've just... 0.98

03:02:28.000 It's just a... 0.98

03:02:29.000 They would never do this, but I think part of reform should be meditation.

03:02:34.000 I mean, they would never do this.

03:02:35.000 But you wake up in the morning, you put a bulletproof vest on, you go to work, you say about your family.

03:02:40.000 It's really mentally anguishing.

03:02:42.000 And this is not to say there isn't racism, not something to deal with.

03:02:46.000 I think it's great what's happening, but it's just...

03:02:48.000 I don't...

03:02:49.000 I personally get...

03:02:51.000 When the pendulum's falling too hard the other way against police, when the vast majority...

03:02:57.000 And my brother's just like a really nice, emotionally intelligent guy who's just suddenly getting spit on and stuff.

03:03:03.000 It's just like...

03:03:04.000 It doesn't feel good.

03:03:06.000 It's people being very short-sighted.

03:03:08.000 You need the police.

03:03:10.000 You need the police.

03:03:11.000 You just need a better trained police.

03:03:13.000 Yeah, if...

03:03:14.000 I mean, if the other side didn't have guns, I'd be like, okay, I'd take away their guns. 0.99

03:03:18.000 But even then, man, you're going to have bigger, stronger people taking your shit because you don't have guns. 0.99

03:03:21.000 Listen, none of it is good. 0.99

03:03:23.000 You need the police.

03:03:24.000 The police need to be better funded.

03:03:26.000 They need to be better trained.

03:03:28.000 And they, like all of us, need to get better.

03:03:30.000 I think the police of today are probably way better than the police of 50 years ago.

03:03:34.000 But that's still...

03:03:35.000 When you see what some of them have done to peaceful protesters while letting looters get away with it, this system is broken.

03:03:45.000 There's no way it's not broken.

03:03:46.000 It's a huge mess.

03:03:47.000 And hopefully, like you said, it'll get ironed out and stuff.

03:03:50.000 Well, Minneapolis is going to be an interesting case study because if they do defund their police, I don't know what they're going to replace it with or how they're going to redo it.

03:03:57.000 I hope they redo it with more money, but it doesn't seem like they're going to. 0.96

03:04:00.000 They should pay people more money because it's a fucking horrifically dangerous job. 0.90

03:04:04.000 And they should train people much better. 0.96

03:04:06.000 And they should train people more often.

03:04:08.000 That is it.

03:04:09.000 Because if you don't get into a situation...

03:04:13.000 And often, I mean, you know from jujitsu probably, you need to keep training to be calm.

03:04:18.000 A lot of these cops and all that mistakes happen because they're freaked out and their adrenaline is running.

03:04:22.000 It's a bad decision.

03:04:23.000 And they don't have any confidence in handling themselves.

03:04:25.000 And all of a sudden they're in a physical confrontation with some guy who's been thinking about punching them for the last three minutes.

03:04:30.000 Yeah.

03:04:31.000 The guy's thinking, when should I punch this cop? 0.83

03:04:32.000 When should I punch this cop? 0.92

03:04:33.000 No, sir. 0.97

03:04:34.000 No, sir.

03:04:36.000 I didn't think I was going fast. 1.00

03:04:37.000 He's thinking, I'm going to punch this motherfucker. 1.00

03:04:39.000 I'm just waiting for my time. 1.00

03:04:40.000 And then, boom, all of a sudden, you're in a physical confrontation.

03:04:42.000 You don't know what to do.

03:04:44.000 If you get hit first, you're in trouble.

03:04:46.000 And also, there's a gun.

03:04:47.000 It's not like the cop has a gun.

03:04:49.000 Once you're wrestling, it's a...

03:04:51.000 So cops never know when to pull their gun.

03:04:52.000 And then there's also sociopaths. 0.82

03:04:54.000 You've got guys who are cops that are sociopaths. 1.00

03:04:57.000 They can't wait to kill people. 1.00

03:04:58.000 They can't wait to shoot people. 1.00

03:04:59.000 They want a thrill. 0.96

03:05:00.000 They don't feel anything in regular life.

03:05:02.000 They want to be able to kill somebody and blame it on, you know, this person's a criminal or whatever.

03:05:06.000 There are real people that want to shoot people.

03:05:08.000 I mean, that's a part of life, too.

03:05:11.000 And we've seen videos, man. 0.99

03:05:12.000 We've seen videos of people shooting people and cops shooting people for no fucking reason. 1.00

03:05:16.000 It's horrific. 0.99

03:05:17.000 And I think it's just a symptom of the job, man.

03:05:20.000 Because it's a...

03:05:22.000 It's happening all over the place. 0.99

03:05:24.000 It seems like whenever cops get ramped up, and they have a lot of power, and they're holding a gun, there's a person in front of them, and there's some sort of a dispute, and they're yelling, get on the fucking ground! 1.00

03:05:35.000 That guy might get shot. 0.99

03:05:36.000 That guy might get shot, whether that guy's Asian, or European, or black. 0.99

03:05:43.000 He's gonna get shot by the right guy in the right situation. 0.98

03:05:46.000 And that's what the statistics show.

03:05:48.000 Statistics show that although there are these horrific cases like that George Floyd case where you get to watch it, there's less of those than there were in like 2015. There's less.

03:06:00.000 Doesn't mean it's good, but there's less black men are killed by cops now than there was before.

03:06:05.000 But one is too many.

03:06:06.000 And when you see that, part of what you're seeing is not just racism.

03:06:11.000 You're also seeing just the abuse that comes when someone has that kind of power over people. 1.00

03:06:16.000 And they're a simple-minded fuckhead. 1.00

03:06:18.000 And you've given them the kind of power that a cop has. 1.00

03:06:21.000 Yeah, there's some bad... 1.00

03:06:23.000 Bad fucking people, man. 1.00

03:06:25.000 There's bad people that do every job, man. 1.00

03:06:27.000 There's bad people that are construction workers, there's bad people that are cops.

03:06:31.000 Yeah. 0.96

03:06:32.000 And the problem is when they fuck up, it's so public and it's such a big deal because they have so much more power, right? 1.00

03:06:38.000 Their position is so crazy. 1.00

03:06:39.000 The guy who has a gun, who's literally telling you, get on the fucking ground, you have to listen to him. 0.99

03:06:44.000 I mean, no other time in life do you have to listen to a man tell you to get on the ground. 0.99

03:06:48.000 This guy is actually working for you?

03:06:50.000 He's working with your tax dollars?

03:06:52.000 You pay for the police?

03:06:53.000 Yeah.

03:06:54.000 Like, this is crazy. 0.98

03:06:54.000 This guy's about to shoot me and I pay him. 0.98

03:06:56.000 Yeah.

03:06:56.000 You know, and it's weird, you know, because if it was a regular guy telling you to get on the ground, he'd be like, why?

03:07:01.000 You know, because I smell weed. 1.00

03:07:02.000 Like, fuck you. 1.00

03:07:03.000 Like, you're just a regular guy. 1.00

03:07:04.000 But because he's a cop, even though he's still a regular guy, he has all this power to tell you what to do. 0.98

03:07:09.000 It's fucking very strange. 0.97

03:07:11.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

03:07:11.000 Like, just being a cop psychologically is very strange. 0.99

03:07:14.000 In a lot of ways...

03:07:15.000 You need strong people to do that job.

03:07:17.000 That's what you need.

03:07:18.000 You need to pay them well.

03:07:19.000 It's just like who now is going to be like, I want to be a cop when I grow up.

03:07:22.000 Somebody needs to come forth and say that.

03:07:25.000 Some governor needs to say that in an eloquent way.

03:07:27.000 Like, you guys are looking at this wrong.

03:07:29.000 We need better people. 0.99

03:07:30.000 We need to put more money into the community, more money into the police force, more money into training these fucking people. 0.99

03:07:37.000 We need to make everybody safer. 0.97

03:07:38.000 The way to make people safer is not have less cops and less funding.

03:07:41.000 It's to have... 0.81

03:07:43.000 Better cops, better paid cops, maybe even more cops and more funding and make sure that they never fucking do that, ever. 0.99

03:07:49.000 And any abuse at all, you instantly get rid of them. 0.72

03:07:52.000 Any abuse at all.

03:07:53.000 Everyone's wearing a body camera, no exceptions.

03:07:55.000 Every altercation gets reviewed.

03:07:57.000 Any abuse gets reported and you can't do that, man.

03:08:00.000 And if you don't know how to handle someone without getting abusive, And you're doing an ineffective version of that job. 0.99

03:08:07.000 And you're probably dangerous to other cops because you're gonna leave it in that person's head that cops are assholes. 1.00

03:08:13.000 Cops treat you like shit. 1.00

03:08:14.000 Cops hit you. 1.00

03:08:15.000 Whenever a cop does that for no reason, he doesn't just fuck over that person. 1.00

03:08:20.000 He fucks over all the people who watch that video. 0.99

03:08:23.000 All the people who get mad at cops. 0.93

03:08:25.000 And that's what you're seeing today.

03:08:26.000 You're seeing this probably, even though it's less, things are happening To folks because of bad cops, more people are seeing it than ever before.

03:08:36.000 Yeah.

03:08:37.000 So our idea of what a cop is is just way out of whack right now.

03:08:40.000 Yeah.

03:08:41.000 And that town in Seattle, what happened there?

03:08:46.000 There was no police and they just took over?

03:08:48.000 It's a festival.

03:08:49.000 I don't understand.

03:08:50.000 They're having fun.

03:08:51.000 I don't understand how they were like, hey, scram!

03:08:54.000 And the cops were like, I can't go in there.

03:08:55.000 They don't want me in there.

03:08:56.000 Yeah, man, I don't know how that's going to play out.

03:08:59.000 I'm sure good.

03:08:59.000 I'm sure that will end well.

03:09:01.000 Chaz. 0.90

03:09:01.000 It's called the Chaz. 0.90

03:09:02.000 Is that right?

03:09:03.000 Yeah.

03:09:05.000 Autonomous Zone.

03:09:06.000 Capital Hill Autonomous Zone.

03:09:08.000 They call it Chaz.

03:09:09.000 How did they get, say, leave cops and the cops left?

03:09:13.000 Like, what was that moment?

03:09:14.000 Well, if I had to guess, it's because there's not enough cops.

03:09:17.000 They're not well-funded, weren't prepared for this.

03:09:20.000 Bad government.

03:09:21.000 A bunch of people that are anarchists all organized, got together, did something chaotic.

03:09:27.000 Business owners fled.

03:09:28.000 People panicked.

03:09:29.000 They gave up power to these folks. 0.92

03:09:31.000 They were espousing an ideology that on paper at least seems sort of admirable, giving power to the people, getting rid of corruption, getting rid of some of the bad aspects of capitalism.

03:09:42.000 There's all sorts of parts of it that sold people on the idea, but it's not good.

03:09:47.000 They don't own any of those buildings.

03:09:49.000 They didn't build them.

03:09:49.000 They can't just take them.

03:09:50.000 You shouldn't, because that's piracy. 0.99

03:09:52.000 If someone just comes into your neighborhood and takes your fucking house, that's piracy. 0.98

03:09:55.000 You can't just let these people take over this blog. 0.99

03:09:58.000 They go, it's the people's, man.

03:09:59.000 We don't allow money. 1.00

03:10:00.000 Okay, well, you don't have to allow money, but you can't stop other people from using money, you fuck. 1.00

03:10:04.000 Just like we don't stop you from trading with tomatoes. 1.00

03:10:06.000 If you want to fucking trade, I'll give you three tomatoes, if you give me that camera, I'm like, okay, good deal. 0.97

03:10:11.000 Well, you're allowed to do that, okay? 0.99

03:10:12.000 But you're not allowed to tell people they can't use money.

03:10:14.000 So they have like a whole zone where there's no money.

03:10:17.000 Like, oh, come on, man.

03:10:17.000 This is step one to fascism.

03:10:19.000 You're just going to make your own fascism.

03:10:21.000 And then there was a video I saw of this one guy was filming something. 0.99

03:10:24.000 So these other guys came over and beat the shit out of him. 0.94

03:10:27.000 I'm like, oh great. 0.99

03:10:28.000 So then you treat one of your own the same way cops treat you.

03:10:31.000 Congratulations.

03:10:32.000 That's what will happen.

03:10:33.000 Congratulations.

03:10:34.000 They're eventually going to make up police.

03:10:36.000 They won't call it that.

03:10:37.000 Of course.

03:10:38.000 There's going to be people that patrol.

03:10:39.000 Do you remember the guardian angels?

03:10:41.000 Yeah, New York City.

03:10:43.000 I was in traffic once, and there was this guardian angel, and this dude was like doughy, like little baby arms and a little gut.

03:10:50.000 I'm like, this is crazy.

03:10:51.000 This guy's protecting anybody from anything.

03:10:53.000 And I'm looking at him with my friend. 1.00

03:10:55.000 I'm like, you look at this motherfucker. 1.00

03:10:56.000 And he looks at me and goes... 1.00

03:10:58.000 Double fingers.

03:10:59.000 Double fingers.

03:11:00.000 Just stared in the windshield.

03:11:02.000 We didn't even say anything. 0.99

03:11:04.000 We didn't say like, hey man, what the fuck are you guarding, bro? 0.98

03:11:08.000 We didn't say anything like that. 0.99

03:11:09.000 We just looked at him. 1.00

03:11:10.000 I was like, look at this motherfucker. 1.00

03:11:11.000 Look at this guy right here. 1.00

03:11:12.000 That's the guardian angel.

03:11:13.000 He's out there protecting people.

03:11:15.000 And he gave you the double bird.

03:11:17.000 He gave me the double bird with an angry face.

03:11:19.000 And I was like, oh, you shouldn't have that job.

03:11:21.000 You shouldn't be standing in the middle of cars patrolling.

03:11:25.000 Like, what are you patrolling?

03:11:27.000 Is this in New York?

03:11:28.000 New York City, yeah.

03:11:29.000 And then the main guy was on a radio show.

03:11:33.000 And there was some sort of a scandal.

03:11:36.000 Where he said he stopped some sort of a crime that didn't really exist.

03:11:41.000 Oh, I think I remember that, yeah.

03:11:42.000 When we were there, I saw him on TV. He's still on the local news there.

03:11:46.000 He still is?

03:11:47.000 But wasn't there some...

03:11:48.000 That's him.

03:11:50.000 I think so, right?

03:11:50.000 Yeah.

03:11:51.000 I think so.

03:11:52.000 Yeah, that's him.

03:11:53.000 Yeah.

03:11:55.000 So it was real weird.

03:11:56.000 They had the t-shirt on and the berets.

03:11:58.000 They'd walk down the street and dudes had like, look at that one dude has like, look at that chainmail.

03:12:02.000 He's got Kiss.

03:12:03.000 He brings you right back to Kiss. 1.00

03:12:04.000 Ah, damn it. 0.99

03:12:04.000 He's got Gene Simmons wrist straps. 0.99

03:12:11.000 That's a cool idea.

03:12:13.000 It's preposterous, son.

03:12:15.000 What about like, just their presence making people think twice about crime?

03:12:20.000 If you see a guardian angel.

03:12:21.000 Oh yeah, bro.

03:12:22.000 I hear you.

03:12:22.000 You know what I'm saying?

03:12:23.000 They had all the superheroes in Seattle walking around a couple years ago.

03:12:26.000 Right, but that's different.

03:12:27.000 Those guys actually knew how to fight.

03:12:29.000 We talked about that.

03:12:31.000 Well, not all of them, I would say.

03:12:33.000 I don't know how many of them were actually trying to stop crime.

03:12:35.000 These guys were actually trying to stop crime.

03:12:37.000 It was very strange.

03:12:38.000 It was like organized vigilantes.

03:12:40.000 Unarmed, organized vigilantes.

03:12:42.000 They had no power to do anything, though, right? 1.00

03:12:44.000 Well, they could beat your ass. 1.00

03:12:45.000 I guess that sucks. 1.00

03:12:48.000 When that guy gave me the double fingers, I was like, hmm. 0.98

03:12:50.000 I just think you might be a little bit jumping the gun here.

03:12:53.000 Imagine if a cop did that. 1.00

03:12:54.000 If you saw a cop in traffic and you're like, look at this fucking guy with a stupid blue outfit. 1.00

03:12:58.000 He's like, fuck you! 1.00

03:13:00.000 You'd be like, oh my god, that guy shouldn't be a cop. 1.00

03:13:02.000 Right.

03:13:03.000 So why should this guy be a guardian angel?

03:13:06.000 I think we should vet...

03:13:08.000 If that existed, we should vet them.

03:13:12.000 But they disbanded.

03:13:14.000 Yes.

03:13:14.000 Luckily.

03:13:16.000 Yeah, they fell apart.

03:13:17.000 But that's probably what's going to happen in a lot of these police-free zones.

03:13:21.000 You're going to have weirdos who want to be fake cops, wearing berets, wandering around giving people the finger.

03:13:30.000 That's in their code of what to do.

03:13:32.000 There's a lot of people out there that don't understand the importance of the police. 1.00

03:13:36.000 You're fucking up, man. 0.99

03:13:37.000 You're fucking it up for everybody else, too. 1.00

03:13:39.000 Who are you going to call when someone breaks into your house? 0.98

03:13:40.000 If there's no one to call, there's going to be more people breaking into your house.

03:13:44.000 Oh, yeah.

03:13:44.000 If they take away the guns from cops, I mean...

03:13:47.000 Oh, my God.

03:13:48.000 Bank robberies will be successful 100% of the time.

03:13:52.000 100% will get away.

03:13:53.000 If there's no cops to call, what's gonna stop you from robbing jewelry stores every day?

03:13:57.000 They've got AK-47s. 1.00

03:13:58.000 Bro, it's so dumb. 1.00

03:14:00.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

03:14:01.000 This should be something where it gets argued, where there's a meeting where you show all the interactions that the police have had with the community. 0.99

03:14:11.000 All the interactions, every single one of them.

03:14:13.000 It gets detailed and documented, and then you say, well, how many of these were negative?

03:14:16.000 And you look at it, if there was like three or four really strongly negative ones.

03:14:20.000 What about all the positive ones?

03:14:22.000 What about all the people that were protected?

03:14:24.000 What about all the robberies that were stopped?

03:14:25.000 What about all the crimes that were prevented?

03:14:28.000 What about all the people that were arrested that were murderers and rapists and all that?

03:14:31.000 Are you going to do that now? 1.00

03:14:32.000 Or are we just going to pretend that that shit doesn't exist? 0.99

03:14:35.000 Because there's all these interactions that the cops have, and there's some of them that are negative. 0.99

03:14:39.000 You're right.

03:14:40.000 No one's saying that's not true.

03:14:41.000 But to throw it all out, if you were arguing that, Like from data, from a data perspective, if you're in a meeting and they're like, look, we have these, these are the bad interactions and these, all these papers are the good interactions.

03:14:55.000 You'd be like, okay, well, rationally, we need to stop that from happening.

03:14:58.000 How do we do that?

03:14:58.000 How do we, how do we eliminate or at least radically reduce the number of bad interactions?

03:15:02.000 You'd work on that.

03:15:03.000 You wouldn't say defund the police. 1.00

03:15:05.000 That's like a fucking virtue gesture. 1.00

03:15:07.000 Like, look at me. 1.00

03:15:08.000 We're going to defund.

03:15:09.000 We're going to just plant flowers.

03:15:11.000 Yay! 0.99

03:15:12.000 I might be ignorant, but I feel like it's called that to cause controversy so it gets attention.

03:15:17.000 I mean, they said reform the police. 0.90

03:15:20.000 Maybe I'm ignorant and they really mean to defund it.

03:15:23.000 It just seems like...

03:15:23.000 Minneapolis said defund, specifically.

03:15:27.000 Maybe they're gonna...

03:15:27.000 If they give cops, like you were saying, before other jobs, then...

03:15:31.000 They're gonna have dudes with clubs with nails hanging out of them. 1.00

03:15:34.000 It's gonna be dudes with baseball bats wrapped in chain mail like that Deegan dude.

03:15:39.000 Deegan?

03:15:40.000 Yeah, from Walking Dead.

03:15:42.000 What's his name?

03:15:43.000 Oh, yeah.

03:15:44.000 Negan? 0.99

03:15:44.000 Negan. 0.99

03:15:45.000 That's his name, right? 0.97

03:15:46.000 The mean guy who kills people with a baseball bat? 0.95

03:15:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:15:49.000 Fuck that guy, right? 1.00

03:15:51.000 That guy's gonna be everywhere. 1.00

03:15:52.000 Fuck that guy. 1.00

03:15:52.000 He's gonna be controlling Van Nuys. 1.00

03:15:54.000 Yeah.

03:15:54.000 There's gotta be people like that everywhere you look, you know?

03:15:57.000 I'd get a gun.

03:15:58.000 That's another thing.

03:15:58.000 If you take away guns from cops, then everyone has to buy a gun.

03:16:01.000 Exactly.

03:16:02.000 Dude, it's terrible.

03:16:03.000 Anyway.

03:16:04.000 You can't do this. 1.00

03:16:05.000 This is such a dumb idea. 0.99

03:16:07.000 And also, you can't do it in a city where that thing didn't happen either. 0.99

03:16:12.000 It's not even the same people.

03:16:15.000 One guy was a horrible person.

03:16:17.000 And then another guy was a horrible person in Atlanta.

03:16:19.000 But there's a million cops.

03:16:21.000 Like, you can't...

03:16:22.000 I don't know how many there are.

03:16:23.000 There's probably close to a million.

03:16:24.000 There's one million.

03:16:24.000 Probably close.

03:16:26.000 There's a lot of fucking cops, man. 1.00

03:16:28.000 Yeah, there's hundreds of thousands of interactions that are not good, that are happening all the time, especially with the protests and stuff. 1.00

03:16:35.000 There's a lot of interaction.

03:16:39.000 Look, I think everybody got the message.

03:16:42.000 I think through this George Floyd thing, everybody got the message.

03:16:45.000 And the people that are going to flare up, that are still behaving the same way, like that guy who shot that guy in Atlanta...

03:16:52.000 They get charged with murder, man, right away.

03:16:54.000 Right away.

03:16:55.000 Right away.

03:16:56.000 Felony murder. 0.99

03:16:56.000 He could get the death penalty of that guy. 0.99

03:16:58.000 And he probably should. 1.00

03:16:59.000 He probably should, the way he shot that guy.

03:17:01.000 If he really knew that that guy had a taser that didn't even work...

03:17:04.000 Yeah, it's murder.

03:17:07.000 What's crazy is if you watch the video, the guy's compliant.

03:17:10.000 I know.

03:17:11.000 And for 20 minutes, like, can you just pull over?

03:17:13.000 They don't want to do the paperwork.

03:17:14.000 They're like, can you just...

03:17:15.000 Yeah.

03:17:17.000 He's compliant.

03:17:17.000 He just wants them to get an Uber, right?

03:17:22.000 Isn't that what he said?

03:17:23.000 Didn't he say something along those lines?

03:17:25.000 They should have done that.

03:17:26.000 There should be a way that you could ticket someone, maybe even take their license away, but like...

03:17:32.000 Get them home. 0.99

03:17:34.000 Don't fucking put them in a cage. 1.00

03:17:35.000 Like, they did something stupid, and they shouldn't be allowed to drive. 1.00

03:17:39.000 They should definitely pay a fine. 1.00

03:17:41.000 They should definitely get in trouble for driving intoxicated, for sure.

03:17:45.000 But do you really need to be violent with them and lock them in a cage?

03:17:48.000 I don't know if that's the case.

03:17:50.000 Not in that guy's case. 0.95

03:17:51.000 The way that guy was interacting with a cop, it seemed like he just was fucked up and just wanted to go home. 0.97

03:17:57.000 Suddenly it just went... 0.93

03:17:58.000 Yeah, because that's what we were talking about before.

03:18:00.000 Like when a cop has to worry when he's talking to a guy, the guy could be like super kind and just thinking about punching him in the face.

03:18:06.000 Like if I was in a situation like in a movie, like a Bourne Identity movie, and there was a cop that was interrogating me and he was saying something to me and he kept closing in on me.

03:18:14.000 I was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to knock this cop out.

03:18:16.000 Okay, I don't want them to know I'm going to hit them, so I'm just going to be really compliant.

03:18:20.000 That's what I would do.

03:18:21.000 I would go, well, sir, I definitely didn't know that that was happening.

03:18:25.000 No, sir.

03:18:27.000 Well, and then bang! 1.00

03:18:29.000 I saw a video.

03:18:30.000 You've got to be able to do it where they don't know you're going to do it.

03:18:33.000 I saw a video exactly like that last night.

03:18:35.000 This guy was just being really cool, and the cop was like, can I just search you a little bit?

03:18:40.000 He's like, yeah, man.

03:18:41.000 He's dead.

03:18:42.000 They don't show the actual last moments, but it happens.

03:18:45.000 That's how it goes down, man.

03:18:46.000 It can easily go down like that where someone can pretend. 0.99

03:18:50.000 They'll pretend they're being nice to you and then they'll shoot you.

03:18:52.000 And the cops watch these. 0.95

03:18:53.000 They make them watch them, say, like, this could happen. 0.97

03:18:56.000 But you know what's fucked up, dude? 0.95

03:18:57.000 I was reading about the Comanches doing that, the settlers, too. 0.98

03:19:01.000 People have always done that.

03:19:02.000 Yeah, everything's fine, everything's fine. 0.99

03:19:03.000 Then they fuck them up. 0.99

03:19:04.000 It's like an old trick. 0.98

03:19:06.000 Yeah.

03:19:06.000 Like I was reading this horrible story about or listening to this horrible story about these Comanches that came into these people's houses and uh they came in they just wanted their food.

03:19:15.000 They said let me have food and then people fed them and then after they ate they said uh go now no hurt go vamoose no hurt they like they forced the people out of their own house yeah and the people just didn't know what to do they just like let's run they just started running across the field they got about a half a mile the Comanches found them and one lady who was pregnant They cut the top of her head off. 0.63

03:19:35.000 Like, and they scalped her from the ears up. 1.00

03:19:37.000 So they literally cut all...

03:19:39.000 While she was alive, cut all the skin from her ears all the way to...

03:19:44.000 They removed the top skin of her skull. 0.98

03:19:46.000 They cut it off and took it with them. 0.79

03:19:48.000 And they shot her full of arrows. 0.67

03:19:51.000 And she survived for a couple days and gave birth to a stillborn baby.

03:19:54.000 No.

03:19:55.000 Bro!

03:19:56.000 This is what people were capable of in 1840, right?

03:20:00.000 So just...

03:20:02.000 We're the same thing as those people.

03:20:04.000 We're the same thing. 1.00

03:20:05.000 And when shit goes fucking completely sideways, I was watching this thing in New Mexico where this one kid hit this guy with a skateboard and then pulled a knife out on the guy and the guy reaches out of his fucking pants and pulls a gun and shoots the dude down. 1.00

03:20:18.000 And I'm like, oh my god. 1.00

03:20:19.000 This was at one of those take down a statue rallies. 1.00

03:20:23.000 Yeah, it's like fuck people are losing their mind. 0.99

03:20:25.000 I mean it's not that kind of horrific violence is not that far removed from that shit that was going on with the Settlers and the Plains Indians is not that far removed man. 1.00

03:20:36.000 It's like you're only a couple incidents away Nobody thought we'd be seeing that on a regular basis people having gunfights on the street and A dude getting attacked by Antifa and he fucking lights him up with a 9mm and drops him while everyone's screaming. 1.00

03:20:49.000 Who the fuck? 0.99

03:20:50.000 When did you ever see that? 1.00

03:20:51.000 That's pretty rare.

03:20:52.000 Now there's like a new video every couple days of something crazy happening.

03:20:58.000 Well, now that we've cheered everyone up, I think I've been hilarious the past hour.

03:21:02.000 You were very good the entire three hours.

03:21:05.000 We've done it for three hours.

03:21:06.000 Have we been here three hours?

03:21:07.000 It's 3.20.

03:21:08.000 Oh my god.

03:21:08.000 It's 3.20 right now.

03:21:09.000 What?

03:21:10.000 Yeah.

03:21:10.000 Anyway, sorry, Jamie.

03:21:12.000 Come on, bro.

03:21:13.000 It's like, let me go home.

03:21:14.000 It's awesome.

03:21:15.000 This was really fun.

03:21:15.000 It's always awesome.

03:21:16.000 Thank you, and I want to take this home.

03:21:18.000 You take that home.

03:21:19.000 You can have another one.

03:21:20.000 You want another one?

03:21:20.000 Yeah, I do.

03:21:22.000 We actually have weed giveaway bags.

03:21:25.000 Because here in California, this one good thing, marijuana is legal.

03:21:28.000 It's one of the only good things.

03:21:30.000 Yeah.

03:21:30.000 It's worked out.

03:21:31.000 Yes.

03:21:32.000 Oh, yeah.

03:21:32.000 Have they looked at the crime rates since?

03:21:34.000 That's what shows you how fucked up our government is. 0.99

03:21:37.000 They can't balance the economy, even with all that weed money. 0.99

03:21:40.000 Is it helping at all?

03:21:42.000 Yeah, it's helping them get rich.

03:21:43.000 All that weed money. 1.00

03:21:44.000 Think about how much more money is pumped into the economy and these fucking twats can't manage it. 1.00

03:21:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:21:50.000 Let's go to that town.

03:21:51.000 Which one?

03:21:52.000 Seattle.

03:21:53.000 Oh, Chaz? 0.98

03:21:54.000 Let's go to Chaz. 0.98

03:21:55.000 Hang out.

03:21:56.000 Yeah, sure.

03:21:56.000 Just like communists.

03:21:58.000 Start our lives there.

03:22:01.000 Well...

03:22:02.000 I gotta go.

03:22:03.000 I have so many important things to do.

03:22:05.000 I'd love to chat with you guys.

03:22:07.000 Kyle Dunnigan, ladies and gentlemen.

03:22:09.000 Joe Rogan, everybody.

03:22:10.000 Always fun.

03:22:11.000 Thank you, brother.

03:22:12.000 That was a lot of fun.

03:22:12.000 Enjoy this.

03:22:14.000 Bye, everybody.

03:22:15.000 Bye-bye.

03:22:16.000 That was fun.

03:22:18.000 We got into some serious stuff, too. 0.96

03:22:20.000 That's super silly. 0.94

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 19, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1495 - Kyle Dunnigan

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