The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1526 - Ali Macofsky

00:00:02.000 Hello, Allie.

00:00:03.000 Hi.

00:00:03.000 Oh, you fired up the vape?

00:00:05.000 Is it the vape?

00:00:05.000 Yeah.

00:00:05.000 I brought two jewels.

00:00:06.000 So you brought cigarettes, two jewels, and camels.

00:00:09.000 Coffee and a smoothie.

00:00:11.000 I wasn't sure what to expect.

00:00:12.000 What was your worst case scenario?

00:00:15.000 Oh my god, worst case scenario, I poop my pants right off the bat.

00:00:18.000 Oh, have you done that before?

00:00:19.000 Like when you get nervous?

00:00:20.000 Not when I get nervous, but I used to, well only once in college.

00:00:24.000 You pooped your pants?

00:00:25.000 Yeah.

00:00:25.000 Were you drinking?

00:00:26.000 Yeah, I was hungover.

00:00:27.000 I ate Chipotle.

00:00:28.000 I ate Chipotle pretty much every day in college.

00:00:31.000 That's not good for your brain.

00:00:32.000 It was not good at all.

00:00:33.000 Trying to learn?

00:00:34.000 Yeah.

00:00:34.000 Actually, Chipotle, like those bowls, they are pretty good.

00:00:37.000 They're so good.

00:00:38.000 Like if you get like one of those steak bowls with rice, like that's about as clean as you can eat.

00:00:42.000 Yeah.

00:00:43.000 Really.

00:00:43.000 And in college it was nice because you could eat like half of a bowl and be like super full and then eat the other half later.

00:00:49.000 And you can do the tricks of getting half steak, half chicken or something.

00:00:54.000 That's a trick.

00:00:54.000 That way they give you more.

00:00:55.000 Oh, is that a trick?

00:00:56.000 I don't think it is a trick.

00:00:57.000 I think they have like a scooper.

00:00:58.000 It's kind of a trick.

00:00:59.000 They have a scooper, but if you say you want half this and half that, they're not going to put half in the scooper.

00:01:04.000 They're putting a full scooper in there.

00:01:06.000 And then you're getting a full pooper on the couch in college.

00:01:09.000 Yeah.

00:01:10.000 It's hard to hear about the poop in the pants.

00:01:12.000 It's alright.

00:01:12.000 People are very embarrassed about that, but it does happen if you take chances.

00:01:15.000 I feel like it happens to everyone.

00:01:17.000 Everyone has a poop story, I hope.

00:01:19.000 If you don't, I feel like you're just not taking enough chances with your diet.

00:01:23.000 No, and it's like, I think everyone's poop story starts out with them being like, oh, I thought I was going to fart.

00:01:28.000 Mm.

00:01:28.000 And then it was not a fart.

00:01:30.000 Yeah, that's in the car.

00:01:32.000 That's when it happens.

00:01:32.000 I was honestly on the drive up here.

00:01:35.000 I had a little bit of gas and I was like, just wait until you're there.

00:01:39.000 Hold it because you don't want to take any risks right now.

00:01:43.000 So I, you know, it actually worked out.

00:01:45.000 I let it out.

00:01:46.000 There was a podcast once where I legitimately thought...

00:01:49.000 Do you remember who it was? 0.84

00:01:50.000 I legitimately thought I was going to shit my pants.

00:01:52.000 I was pinching my abs down. 0.90

00:01:56.000 I was crunching myself.

00:01:57.000 I was like, listen, if I don't get out of here right now, I don't know if I'm going to make it.

00:02:01.000 Do you remember who it was?

00:02:01.000 I don't know.

00:02:02.000 I might even set it on the air.

00:02:04.000 Yeah, I remember it happening, but I don't remember who was in the room.

00:02:07.000 I barely got out.

00:02:08.000 It's kind of a nice feeling, though.

00:02:09.000 I like that adrenaline rush of, like, I need to hold...

00:02:13.000 It really tests my skills.

00:02:15.000 Like cramming for a test.

00:02:16.000 Yeah.

00:02:16.000 Like, oh my god, there's not much time left.

00:02:18.000 Yeah, I dropped out of college, so I feel like me trying to hold in a poop is the most cramming for a test I feel like I do now. 0.89

00:02:26.000 That is a psychological thing, the cramming thing.

00:02:28.000 They say that some people procrastinate until they know they have to, like, okay, I'm going to stay up all night.

00:02:35.000 I'm a procrastinator.

00:02:36.000 Yeah.

00:02:36.000 Always.

00:02:37.000 Most comics are.

00:02:38.000 You think so?

00:02:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:40.000 Look, we're all broken.

00:02:42.000 We're all broken toys.

00:02:43.000 And most comics, there's something about the laziness and the non-conformity and the unwillingness to do trudgery.

00:02:54.000 Is that a word?

00:02:55.000 I think so.

00:02:56.000 Yeah, the unwillingness to do boring, mundane life choices, jobs.

00:03:02.000 That's what leads people to comedy. 0.99

00:03:04.000 Like, oh, maybe I can just talk shit. 1.00

00:03:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:03:06.000 I literally thought, I always knew I wanted to entertain people somehow.

00:03:11.000 I didn't know exactly how until my senior year of high school, but before that I was like, maybe I'll be a singer or a comedian, you know?

00:03:18.000 Well, you have a great voice.

00:03:19.000 I have a decent voice.

00:03:20.000 You have a very good voice.

00:03:21.000 Thank you.

00:03:21.000 And you use it in your act sometimes.

00:03:23.000 I try.

00:03:24.000 You do.

00:03:25.000 You started doing stand-up, how old were you?

00:03:28.000 I think I did my first open mic when I was like 17. But I didn't start then.

00:03:34.000 There's only one other person I know, Olivia Grace.

00:03:37.000 Yes, I love Olivia.

00:03:38.000 I met her at, I think it was Brea.

00:03:40.000 She came up to me and she was like 16. Yeah.

00:03:43.000 And I was like, what?

00:03:44.000 And she had been doing it since she was like 14 or 15. That's crazy.

00:03:47.000 Crazy.

00:03:48.000 She's very funny too. 0.77

00:03:48.000 She's so funny. 0.77

00:03:49.000 And super cool.

00:03:50.000 Yeah so I when I started I was living in Long Beach at my parents house and so I would go back and forth between Orange County and LA and Olivia was in Orange County and she was like the first person my age kind of you know that I like met and so we became friends and I was like I was like you're so funny like it's so cool that she had already had so much time under her belt when I was like 18 you know yeah yeah it's crazy so that's a I didn't know you could start until you're 21 No,

00:04:20.000 I didn't either.

00:04:20.000 I had no idea.

00:04:22.000 I also didn't know that open mics happened at coffee shops and bars and literally anywhere at all.

00:04:30.000 Laundromats.

00:04:31.000 When I started, I waited until my 21st birthday, but then I met my friend Robbie and he was 19. I was like, how did you get in?

00:04:37.000 And they're like, they'll let you in, but you can't drink.

00:04:39.000 I was like, oh.

00:04:41.000 Yeah.

00:04:41.000 Is that still the case?

00:04:43.000 Like at the store?

00:04:44.000 If they had a show, an open mic night?

00:04:47.000 No.

00:04:47.000 Did they let you in?

00:04:48.000 Well, when I started doing open mics for real, I was maybe 18, on the verge of 19 or something, and I would go to the comedy store.

00:04:57.000 But I had already been doing open mics around town, so all the guys who worked at the comedy store as door guys knew me.

00:05:03.000 They didn't know how old I was, so no one ever checked my ID, and I never talked about being young or anything.

00:05:08.000 So I would just perform, hang out, And then when they found out I was under 21, I got kicked out for a year.

00:05:15.000 And I couldn't perform there again.

00:05:17.000 So I had already been doing Kill Tony.

00:05:20.000 And then they found out?

00:05:21.000 And then they found out.

00:05:23.000 And so then I would do shows, do open mics, and then I would just come to the comedy store and hang out on the sidewalk.

00:05:28.000 And just be like, hey guys, what's up?

00:05:30.000 That's hilarious.

00:05:31.000 And on my 21st birthday at midnight, I walked in.

00:05:34.000 Really?

00:05:35.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 That's hilarious.

00:05:36.000 And I remember Red Band was there and George Perez and on my 21st birthday they each gave me $21.

00:05:43.000 And then on my 22nd birthday I was at the Comedy Store and they gave me $22 and I was like, you guys better live for a long time.

00:05:50.000 That's a crazy place to be when you're 21 years old, you know, to be around, I mean, just the people you just named, George Perez and Brian Redband, and you're 21, like, hello!

00:05:59.000 Yeah.

00:05:59.000 Like, a little fawn.

00:06:01.000 Yeah.

00:06:01.000 Like, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, walking out to the field.

00:06:03.000 I still feel like that. 0.98

00:06:04.000 Well, that place is, I mean, especially when you're dealing with, you know, so many, like, you're going there, you're 21 years old, and you're just seeing Like Jessel Nick and all these big time headliners and Joey Diaz and Chris Rock shows up and Dave Chappelle's there and you're fucking 21. You're walking around going, 0.89

00:06:25.000 this is crazy.

00:06:26.000 Yeah, it felt so surreal just like being there and hanging out and feeling kind of like I was a part of it, you know, like in a small way.

00:06:35.000 Yeah, you were a part of it.

00:06:35.000 Yeah, I'm super grateful for Kill Tony, because I feel like that's what helped me become more ingrained in the scene at the store.

00:06:43.000 Well, that's how I found out about you.

00:06:45.000 Yeah.

00:06:45.000 I found out about you through Kill Tony, and Tony kept raving about how good you were.

00:06:49.000 And then I saw you do some sets.

00:06:50.000 And your progression, it's kind of a hilarious story, like you opening for me.

00:06:55.000 I know.

00:06:56.000 Because you did a couple shows at the improv, a couple shows at the comedy store, and then I'm like, hey, you want to do Vegas?

00:07:05.000 Well, no.

00:07:06.000 What happened was you had been the guest on Kill Tony, and I was a regular, so you had seen one minute of my material, maybe two times.

00:07:15.000 No, I'd seen you other times.

00:07:17.000 I'd been in the room while you were doing stand-up a couple other times.

00:07:19.000 But then you invited me.

00:07:21.000 I remember Tony hit me up one day and he was like, hey, is it cool if I give Joe your phone number?

00:07:26.000 And I was like, Joe.

00:07:28.000 And he was like, Rogan.

00:07:29.000 I was like, what?

00:07:33.000 I was like, yeah, of course.

00:07:34.000 And so then you text me.

00:07:36.000 You were like, hey, do you want to do some shows at the improv with me this week?

00:07:39.000 And I was like, yeah, of course.

00:07:40.000 You're like, are you available?

00:07:41.000 I'm like, I think I can be available for that.

00:07:44.000 Well, I knew you were funny.

00:07:45.000 You know, I mean, that's...

00:07:47.000 How I do it.

00:07:48.000 When I think someone's funny, I'm like, all right, let's see.

00:07:50.000 Yeah.

00:07:50.000 Let's see what they do in front of a packed house.

00:07:53.000 Yeah.

00:07:53.000 You know, with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell and Ari Shaffir and just like, let's see what's up.

00:07:59.000 Yeah.

00:07:59.000 Let's see what's up.

00:07:59.000 And then I had been doing that for a couple months, I'd say, just like doing the hosting spot or like little opening spots at the improv and the comedy store.

00:08:09.000 And then you were like, oh, I I was like, oh, I saw that you're going to be in Vegas this week.

00:08:13.000 I think I'm going to drive and come watch you because I'd never seen you in a bigger venue than a comedy club.

00:08:19.000 And you were like, okay, do you want to open?

00:08:23.000 And I was like, well, I wasn't hoping you'd say that, but I was kind of hoping you'd say that.

00:08:27.000 So you did Vegas.

00:08:29.000 That was the coolest experience of my entire life still to this day.

00:08:33.000 One of the highlights of my life.

00:08:35.000 It was really fun.

00:08:36.000 It was really fun.

00:08:37.000 But you were so composed and so, like, on top of it, you crushed.

00:08:41.000 And then I said, okay, do you want to do an arena?

00:08:47.000 You went from...

00:08:48.000 I mean, how many times have you been paid to do stand-up, other than the times opening for me and, you know, like, a couple little gigs on the road?

00:08:55.000 Yeah, I mean, I never really got paid to do comedy, like, besides, like, drinks or, like, a couple bucks for gas.

00:09:02.000 So you do the Mirage, which is like...

00:09:05.000 I think the Mirage is 1,300 people or 1,200 people.

00:09:08.000 It's a good-sized place.

00:09:09.000 Yeah.

00:09:09.000 Good-sized place.

00:09:10.000 Then we do a fucking gigantic basketball arena... 0.98

00:09:14.000 You know what I think helped me with the Mirage? 0.98

00:09:17.000 Was in my head, I was like, 1200 is giant.

00:09:20.000 I was like, this is going to be huge, crazy, and I over-hyped it so much that by the time I saw the venue, it was so beautiful and it felt intimate for some reason.

00:09:32.000 Well, it's the most intimate place in Vegas in terms of those big theaters you can play.

00:09:37.000 It's my favorite place in Vegas.

00:09:38.000 I love it.

00:09:39.000 Yeah, so as soon as I got there, I was like...

00:09:41.000 I got this.

00:09:42.000 I was doing bigger places there, and I came back to the Mirage just because it's a better setup.

00:09:46.000 Yeah, and I feel like the people who run that place were really helpful.

00:09:50.000 They're awesome.

00:09:50.000 They're the best.

00:09:51.000 They're the nicest folks, and they all love comedy.

00:09:53.000 There you are.

00:09:54.000 That's you, kid.

00:09:55.000 Aw, Jamie was taking pictures.

00:09:56.000 I was like, can you get more?

00:09:58.000 My mom really wants to see me.

00:09:59.000 Yeah, it's too bad you can't really see the audience in there, too.

00:10:03.000 So then you go from that.

00:10:05.000 What arena did we do?

00:10:08.000 We went to, I believe, Denver Was it Portland?

00:10:12.000 Oh, yeah, it was the Moda Center. 0.99

00:10:14.000 Yeah, that place is fucking huge! 0.99

00:10:16.000 Yeah, oh my god. 0.99

00:10:17.000 And it was in the round.

00:10:18.000 The first one was in the round.

00:10:20.000 So there's literally people all around me.

00:10:22.000 I'm like, I don't know where to stand.

00:10:24.000 I don't know how to use the space of the stage.

00:10:27.000 Yeah, that's like 13,000 or 14,000 people.

00:10:29.000 Oh my gosh, yeah.

00:10:30.000 It was bananas.

00:10:31.000 But I told you after, I was like, you know what I hate about this?

00:10:34.000 Is that this feels the best way to perform.

00:10:37.000 I was like, this is where I feel the most myself.

00:10:41.000 Well, it's definitely the biggest pop.

00:10:44.000 The rush that you get from a big joke that kills in a 15,000-seat arena or whatever, it's bananas.

00:10:53.000 The biggest I did was Chappelle and I did the Tacoma Dome.

00:10:57.000 We did 25,000 people.

00:10:59.000 That looked crazy.

00:10:59.000 It was bonkers.

00:11:01.000 When you would hear the laughs, they were deafening.

00:11:04.000 It was 25,000 people screaming.

00:11:06.000 Was there an echo, a wave?

00:11:10.000 It's nuts.

00:11:11.000 It's wild.

00:11:11.000 Because I remember after the Moda Center, which is like an inside arena, then we did that outdoor amphitheater in the Bay Area.

00:11:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:21.000 Where the Grateful Dead played.

00:11:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:11:23.000 Yeah, that was fun too.

00:11:24.000 That was fun, but that was cool because it was outdoors and I was like, there's a lawn?

00:11:28.000 It was just crazy because when I was little I would always go to concerts and I would always watch the performer and I'd be like, I want to do that.

00:11:36.000 So the first time I got to do the arena and the amphitheater I was like, I'm literally doing what I've always wanted to do.

00:11:43.000 Yeah, those shows are fucking awesome, but I still think 200 people, that's the right size.

00:11:51.000 Two to 300 people is the right size. 0.85

00:11:53.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:11:54.000 Like, if you wanted it, there's nothing wrong with those shows.

00:11:58.000 They're awesome.

00:11:58.000 I love doing arenas.

00:12:00.000 But, you know, like the original rooms, like 190 people, that shit is perfect. 0.99

00:12:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:12:06.000 When everything's popping... 0.98

00:12:08.000 I like the 200, 300 range, or even smaller, because that's when you get the honest feedback.

00:12:15.000 And I think that's why it's fun to also do the arena or amphitheater, because it's the jokes that you've been working on that you know work.

00:12:22.000 And so you're getting the response that you want from those jokes, and you kind of almost expect that response.

00:12:27.000 But when you're doing the smaller, intimate shows, that's when you get the pause where you're like, huh, maybe that joke needs tweaking, or you can figure out.

00:12:36.000 Yeah.

00:12:36.000 And that way, when you do get a pop in a smaller room, you're like, oh, that really works.

00:12:41.000 Yeah, small crowds late at night, that's when you find out if you're full of shit. 1.00

00:12:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:46.000 Because you get to see the fat in your act. 1.00

00:12:49.000 You get to see the clunky fucking, those weird segues that you do. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Or when you act something out and it seems cheap and stupid, you're like, oh my god, you're just doing it in front of three people. 1.00

00:12:59.000 You're like, oh, this material's terrible. 0.97

00:13:01.000 Yeah, that's why I liked working at the comedy store, because you'd have to be there until the last person's offstage.

00:13:07.000 How much comedy have you done during the quarantine?

00:13:11.000 I've done a decent amount of Zoom shows, and then...

00:13:15.000 How weird are those?

00:13:16.000 They're weird.

00:13:17.000 I kind of just like...

00:13:17.000 I think I grew up always being on the internet and interacting with strangers online, so I felt like I was prepared for something like a Zoom show, and I also was like, okay, don't look...

00:13:30.000 Don't expect to get anything out of this or get the same feeling out of this.

00:13:34.000 Like, just have fun.

00:13:36.000 Engage with the people watching as best you can and, like, see where it goes.

00:13:40.000 Have no expectations.

00:13:41.000 It's just something to do, right? 1.00

00:13:43.000 But it fucking sucks. 1.00

00:13:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:43.000 Yeah, it fucking blows. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Mark Norman said it best. 0.99

00:13:46.000 He said, like, it's like methadone comedy.

00:13:48.000 Yeah.

00:13:49.000 He was talking about how he did stand-up in the park.

00:13:53.000 Yes, I was watching his YouTube, Park Normand.

00:13:56.000 So good.

00:13:57.000 But it's, you know, we're all like desperate to get back.

00:14:01.000 In LA, we're not doing any comedy, but New York is doing stand-up again.

00:14:05.000 Yeah, I've seen that.

00:14:06.000 Yeah, which is crazy.

00:14:07.000 I feel like I'm starting to see some shows.

00:14:10.000 My friends are doing some shows outdoors here.

00:14:13.000 So I don't know.

00:14:14.000 I'm kind of hopeful, but I'm also like, if I get an offer to go to a state that's open and doing comedy, I would take it.

00:14:23.000 Are you taking vitamins?

00:14:25.000 Are you taking care of yourself?

00:14:26.000 You just tested negative.

00:14:27.000 I just tested negative.

00:14:28.000 You don't have the vid.

00:14:29.000 I don't got the COVID, but I've been getting tested a lot because my sister just moved to Arizona last year.

00:14:36.000 So I've been going out there a lot, which is hot for the Rona.

00:14:41.000 Yeah.

00:14:42.000 And so I've been getting tested really frequently.

00:14:45.000 Whenever they say it's hot for the Rona, I always wonder, what makes some place hotter than others?

00:14:50.000 Why are other places more susceptible?

00:14:52.000 What's going on there?

00:14:54.000 I don't know.

00:14:54.000 Well, I guess with Arizona, everything's open.

00:14:57.000 It's almost like Corona never happened there. 0.99

00:14:59.000 Yeah, they don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:15:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:00.000 Well, that's a wild west town. 1.00

00:15:02.000 I know.

00:15:02.000 I told them.

00:15:02.000 I'm like, they're the COVID cowboys.

00:15:04.000 They're wearing maskless chaps. 0.93

00:15:06.000 They have open carry.

00:15:08.000 Like, you could have a gun in your pocket and just walk into a store.

00:15:11.000 I did a show in Arizona.

00:15:12.000 I was like, what are you guys going to do?

00:15:13.000 Shoot COVID when you see it? 0.67

00:15:14.000 Is that your defense? 1.00

00:15:16.000 Well, in their defense, like, they're on the border of Mexico, and that is a place that has literally changed very little since people came across the fucking country and covered wagons. 0.98

00:15:25.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:15:26.000 Like, that's Arizona.

00:15:27.000 Yeah.

00:15:27.000 Arizona, like, Phoenix is as big as it gets.

00:15:30.000 I love Arizona.

00:15:31.000 It's great!

00:15:31.000 I love it there.

00:15:32.000 I love it.

00:15:32.000 It's so beautiful.

00:15:34.000 There's so much to do.

00:15:35.000 I filmed my 2005 special there.

00:15:37.000 Okay, Bragg.

00:15:38.000 I love it there.

00:15:39.000 I've been going there forever.

00:15:41.000 I just love that Tempe Improv.

00:15:42.000 That place is great.

00:15:43.000 Dude, Tempe is my favorite!

00:15:46.000 That was the first place I headlined.

00:15:48.000 And Casey, the manager there, one of the best people ever.

00:15:53.000 I feel like every comedy club manager should take a class under Casey because... 0.99

00:15:59.000 He's like so compassionate and he gets it and he's like not full of bullshit. 0.91

00:16:04.000 He's just like an honest, caring dude. 0.52

00:16:06.000 I feel like he runs that club so well.

00:16:09.000 Well, that place has a history of cool people running it because Adam Egott used to be there.

00:16:12.000 Yeah, and Paige from the improv.

00:16:14.000 Yep, that's where I met both of them.

00:16:16.000 I think I met Paige there.

00:16:17.000 Yeah, I think I met Paige there.

00:16:20.000 I just feel bad for those people now.

00:16:21.000 Oh, you're taking the...

00:16:23.000 I was like, what's that sound?

00:16:25.000 How addicted to those things are you?

00:16:27.000 So addicted.

00:16:27.000 Completely addicted.

00:16:28.000 Yeah.

00:16:29.000 Well, when I was at my mom's house during lockdown, my mom's a smoker. 0.96

00:16:34.000 Oh, boy.

00:16:34.000 I know.

00:16:35.000 It's this weird thing when they get to be a certain age and they're still smoking all the time.

00:16:39.000 I know.

00:16:39.000 Like, ooh, you are on the edge, huh?

00:16:41.000 Well, she was trying to read that book, Alan Carr's book, to stop smoking.

00:16:45.000 How about just stop smoking?

00:16:47.000 Well, I guess if you've been doing it all your life, I don't know.

00:16:50.000 Take up another hobby.

00:16:51.000 I know.

00:16:52.000 You'll have to talk to her.

00:16:53.000 We'll get her on the pod.

00:16:55.000 No one's going to listen.

00:16:55.000 Yeah, no.

00:16:56.000 When you're in it, you're in it, you know?

00:16:58.000 But when I was with her, she was smoking and I'm like, I don't want to be smoking.

00:17:03.000 Because my mom always says, don't smoke, it's bad.

00:17:05.000 And I've just been smoking since I was like 17. But I quit for two months off the Juul, off cigarettes.

00:17:14.000 When did you do that?

00:17:14.000 At the beginning of lockdown for two months.

00:17:16.000 So why'd you start back up again?

00:17:17.000 Because then I came back home to LA and I was like, What was the first one like? 0.99

00:17:21.000 Did you know that you were being a loser? 0.99

00:17:22.000 No! 0.99

00:17:23.000 When you were reaching for that first one?

00:17:26.000 No, because in my head I'm like, it's just one hit of the jewel.

00:17:30.000 I'm fine.

00:17:32.000 I'm not going to get addicted again.

00:17:34.000 I got this.

00:17:36.000 And then a couple more times I hit my friend's jewel and I was like, I need to buy my own.

00:17:41.000 Yeah.

00:17:42.000 That's what happened with cigarettes.

00:17:43.000 Like, I wasn't addicted.

00:17:44.000 Like, I think people think that if you smoke one cigarette, you're going to be addicted.

00:17:48.000 And that's not the case.

00:17:50.000 I smoked one and I was fine.

00:17:52.000 No, I've smoked one multiple times before shows.

00:17:55.000 Yeah.

00:17:56.000 I started with Tony.

00:17:57.000 I smoked one of Tony's before a show, back when Tony used to smoke.

00:18:01.000 And I was like, dude, this gives you a crazy rush.

00:18:03.000 You smoked mine in St. Louis or St. Paul or something, and you were buzzing.

00:18:08.000 I took some cigarettes from Dave Chappelle when we did shows together.

00:18:11.000 A cigarette before a show gets you buzzed.

00:18:14.000 A cigar doesn't quite get you that buzzed.

00:18:16.000 You gotta inhale.

00:18:17.000 And I think there's whatever funky chemicals they put in those cigarettes to get you addicted.

00:18:21.000 Those are good.

00:18:22.000 Yeah.

00:18:23.000 They're so yummy. 1.00

00:18:24.000 Those chemists are fucking... 1.00

00:18:25.000 They know what they're doing. 1.00

00:18:27.000 They do.

00:18:27.000 It's so yummy.

00:18:28.000 Unfortunately, they kill people.

00:18:29.000 Yeah.

00:18:29.000 It's crazy that no one's trying to stop it, but yet it kills half a million people a year.

00:18:34.000 That's what's bizarre.

00:18:36.000 Everybody's worried about COVID. COVID has killed less than 200,000 people.

00:18:40.000 Cigarettes have killed, probably in the same time of COVID, more than 200,000 people.

00:18:45.000 It's always crazy when you find out someone's family member or friend got lung cancer and never smoked.

00:18:52.000 That always freaks me out.

00:18:54.000 Yeah, you can get lung cancer. 0.98

00:18:55.000 You can get lung cancer from toxins in the air, you can get lung cancer from genetics, you can get environmental shit if you work in a factory that has a lot of weird fumes. 0.99

00:19:04.000 But there's also so many things that kill people, like fast food is so unhealthy. 0.99

00:19:09.000 I love that too.

00:19:11.000 What's your go-to?

00:19:12.000 Taco Bell.

00:19:13.000 Really? 1.00

00:19:14.000 You like eating garbage. 1.00

00:19:15.000 I love garbage. 1.00

00:19:17.000 That's why you're shitting your pants all the time. 1.00

00:19:19.000 It was once, okay? 0.97

00:19:21.000 Only once?

00:19:22.000 Yeah.

00:19:22.000 I've shitting my pants at least once this month.

00:19:25.000 You've got a couple more years on me. 0.93

00:19:26.000 Yeah, yeah, but I mean I also eat like a lot of meat. 1.00

00:19:30.000 Yeah, doesn't that make you shit? 1.00

00:19:31.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:19:32.000 It's crazy.

00:19:33.000 Does meat give you loose stools? 1.00

00:19:34.000 Oh my god, it gives you the most ridiculous diarrhea. 0.98

00:19:37.000 Like, I told Tom Segura, you gotta try this carnivore diet because he was trying to lose weight, and I lost 12 pounds in a month. 0.99

00:19:43.000 I got shredded.

00:19:45.000 But isn't that kind of unhealthy to lose that much weight in a month?

00:19:48.000 I don't know.

00:19:48.000 It felt great.

00:19:49.000 Okay.

00:19:50.000 I don't know.

00:19:50.000 Yeah.

00:19:51.000 I really don't know.

00:19:52.000 I was going to get my blood work done, but then I had to travel, and then the COVID hit.

00:19:55.000 I was like, oh, Christ.

00:19:57.000 Yeah.

00:19:58.000 I forget what my excuse was.

00:19:59.000 I had an excuse.

00:20:00.000 Yeah.

00:20:01.000 Not a good one, but I had an excuse.

00:20:02.000 Do you ever eat fast food?

00:20:03.000 Oh, when you called me yesterday, you were at In-N-Out.

00:20:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:20:06.000 You had the craziest order.

00:20:08.000 Well- I thought you were feeding your whole family with your order.

00:20:11.000 He was on speaker.

00:20:11.000 He was like, yeah, can I get like 12 flying Dutchmen?

00:20:14.000 No, four.

00:20:15.000 I just had four flying Dutchmen.

00:20:17.000 It's not that much meat.

00:20:18.000 I guess.

00:20:19.000 Is that one patty or two?

00:20:20.000 Two patties with cheese.

00:20:22.000 So that's a total of eight patties?

00:20:23.000 Yes.

00:20:25.000 Okay.

00:20:25.000 Gotta feed all this meat, you know?

00:20:28.000 Do you eat like three meals a day?

00:20:30.000 No.

00:20:30.000 One.

00:20:31.000 Generally, I eat very light in the morning.

00:20:34.000 Usually, unless I have a really hard workout.

00:20:37.000 And then, like this morning, I just had eggs.

00:20:40.000 Just a couple, like three eggs.

00:20:42.000 Yeah.

00:20:43.000 How do you cook them?

00:20:45.000 Fry.

00:20:46.000 Fried eggs.

00:20:47.000 I thought that I would know how to cook eggs at this point in my life.

00:20:51.000 You know, I'm 24. That's something that's pretty basic.

00:20:54.000 You don't know how to do it? 0.99

00:20:54.000 I keep fucking up eggs. 0.99

00:20:56.000 How do you fuck that up? 0.99

00:20:57.000 I get really impatient, and so I put the heat on the pan way too high, and then the eggs are just, like, fried instantly.

00:21:03.000 But I've gotten better.

00:21:04.000 I'm getting better.

00:21:05.000 But I don't think I could fry eggs.

00:21:07.000 This is not that complicated.

00:21:08.000 You know, you have a very minor issue that you're complaining about here.

00:21:13.000 So I eat that, you know, I'll eat like a light breakfast before workout, and then I work out, and then I won't eat until dinner.

00:21:19.000 I usually eat twice a day.

00:21:20.000 Okay.

00:21:20.000 And I eat a large dinner.

00:21:21.000 Yeah.

00:21:22.000 I see it on your Instagram.

00:21:23.000 Well, you've seen me eat live.

00:21:26.000 Yeah, in real time.

00:21:27.000 Yeah.

00:21:27.000 I eat a lot.

00:21:27.000 It's an experience.

00:21:29.000 It's like going to the zoo and feeding a giraffe.

00:21:32.000 You're like, whoa!

00:21:33.000 Well, people don't believe it.

00:21:34.000 When I go to a restaurant and I order two entrees, the waiters are like, what are you doing?

00:21:41.000 You're not going to eat all that. 1.00

00:21:42.000 I'm like, just watch me, bitch. 1.00

00:21:43.000 It's fun going out to eat with you, because when I was growing up, I have two older sisters, and my dad was kind of a single dad, shopped food on a budget. 0.99

00:21:52.000 And so he'd be like, you know the drill, no soda, water only, like the bare minimum.

00:21:58.000 So then when we get to go out after shows and eat, I'm like, I can get two entrees if I want and an appetizer?

00:22:05.000 Yeah, that is the good thing about growing up poor is that you really appreciate when, you know, you get good stuff.

00:22:12.000 Yeah.

00:22:13.000 I don't want to say I grew up poor, but we weren't like, you know.

00:22:16.000 Right, you weren't starving.

00:22:17.000 Yeah.

00:22:18.000 Well, I grew up, you know, I mean, we weren't starving either, but we were poor.

00:22:22.000 Yeah.

00:22:23.000 You know, we were on welfare when I was a kid.

00:22:24.000 We drank powdered milk, you know, the whole deal.

00:22:27.000 We're on food stamps.

00:22:28.000 Yeah.

00:22:29.000 I'm on food stamps now.

00:22:30.000 Are you?

00:22:31.000 Yeah.

00:22:31.000 That's so crazy.

00:22:32.000 I know.

00:22:33.000 I'm on unemployment.

00:22:34.000 Whew.

00:22:35.000 It's crazy.

00:22:36.000 How much are they giving you?

00:22:37.000 How much do they give you for unemployment?

00:22:38.000 I think you have to like put in all of your information and like you know whatever and so I think I'm getting like $400 a week.

00:22:47.000 The good news is you're living with your mom, right?

00:22:50.000 No, I'm living at my house.

00:22:51.000 Oh, you are?

00:22:52.000 Yeah.

00:22:52.000 You were with your mom for a little while?

00:22:54.000 Yeah, but I kept my place because I was like, who knows how long this is going to last, who knows if I want to stay at my mom's house, whatever.

00:23:00.000 It's nice to know I have that as an option because my parents live in the greater Los Angeles area.

00:23:05.000 I read that there was a ban on evictions and forcing people to pay rent.

00:23:14.000 Yeah.

00:23:15.000 But that's going to go up September 1st.

00:23:17.000 They're going to force people to start paying again. 0.93

00:23:20.000 I've just been paying my rent.

00:23:22.000 But what happens to those people if you have five months of back rent and the rent is $3,000 a month or something?

00:23:29.000 That's crazy.

00:23:30.000 Yeah.

00:23:30.000 And all of a sudden you have to pay it all?

00:23:32.000 Yeah, it makes no sense.

00:23:34.000 That's why I was like, I'm going to pay mine now because who knows how much money I'm going to have saved up after this, so I might as well just pay.

00:23:42.000 Luckily, my rent is cheap, so it's manageable.

00:23:46.000 And if I ever was in a pinch, I know my parents would help me out.

00:23:49.000 How long did you think this was going to last?

00:23:53.000 Everyone was saying it was going to last like three months, but I was like, this is going to last longer.

00:23:58.000 There's no way things are just going to be like, okay, if we do this, it's all going to go back to normal.

00:24:04.000 It just felt too big for it to be over that quickly.

00:24:07.000 Well, I was optimistic, unfortunately.

00:24:09.000 I really did think it was going to be three months.

00:24:11.000 I thought it was going to be two months, really.

00:24:13.000 I was like, look, you get sick, and then you're only sick for like a week, right?

00:24:19.000 So if everybody just stays home, the people that are sick will get better.

00:24:23.000 People won't get infected.

00:24:24.000 This is simple.

00:24:25.000 I just feel like Americans are so, like, don't tell me what to do. 0.99

00:24:31.000 Yes.

00:24:32.000 And America's such a big country.

00:24:35.000 How would you expect everyone to be on the same page?

00:24:39.000 Well, it's a big country. 0.95

00:24:41.000 We're all crazy. 0.95

00:24:42.000 Yeah.

00:24:42.000 And we travel around a lot.

00:24:43.000 Yeah.

00:24:44.000 Yeah, and spit in each other's face.

00:24:45.000 Yeah.

00:24:45.000 And here you go.

00:24:46.000 Here we are, five months later.

00:24:48.000 Is it five now?

00:24:49.000 Yeah, right?

00:24:51.000 Yeah, it's five months. 0.99

00:24:52.000 Five fucking months. 0.99

00:24:53.000 No end in sight. 1.00

00:24:54.000 Do you feel like it's gone by fast or slow for you?

00:24:56.000 Slow.

00:24:57.000 It doesn't feel good.

00:24:58.000 I don't like it.

00:24:59.000 I'm not worried about myself.

00:25:00.000 I'm worried about other people and I'm worried about the city.

00:25:02.000 I'm worried about the economic aspects of this as much as I'm worried about the health aspects of it.

00:25:07.000 Yeah.

00:25:07.000 Because it just, I don't know how, look, when people get sick, they get better, right?

00:25:11.000 Hopefully.

00:25:12.000 But when a city gets that far gone, like as far as LA is right now, I don't know how a city bounces back.

00:25:18.000 I've never seen it happen.

00:25:19.000 I've seen cities that used to be big.

00:25:22.000 Have you ever been to Detroit?

00:25:23.000 Do we ever do a gig in Detroit?

00:25:24.000 Detroit is interesting.

00:25:26.000 Because Detroit used to be one of the most wealthy cities in the world. 0.91

00:25:30.000 At one point in time, during the height of the auto industry, you'd go to Detroit and it was fucking crazy.

00:25:36.000 Cadillacs and Camaros and Corvettes and it was beautiful and everybody was making money and it was just amazing. 0.99

00:25:42.000 Now Detroit is sketchy as fuck. 0.99

00:25:44.000 Isn't it getting... 0.99

00:25:45.000 Coming back a little bit.

00:25:47.000 Yeah.

00:25:47.000 A little bit, but when you drive through Detroit, you could buy a house for like five bucks.

00:25:50.000 Crazy.

00:25:51.000 The guys from Top Gear, they have a new show now.

00:25:54.000 It's called The Grand Tour.

00:25:55.000 Is that what it's called?

00:25:56.000 Something.

00:25:57.000 Grand Tour.

00:25:58.000 They bought homes in Detroit.

00:26:01.000 They went to Detroit and just bought houses.

00:26:03.000 They bought a house for like $2,000.

00:26:04.000 And then they were showing what you can buy for $2,000, and then they were driving their cars crazy around it.

00:26:10.000 So crazy.

00:26:10.000 I think once I make a good amount of money, the first thing I'm going to do is invest.

00:26:15.000 Move to Detroit.

00:26:16.000 Yeah.

00:26:16.000 Move to Detroit.

00:26:18.000 No, I think I would invest in real estate.

00:26:21.000 That's what everyone says, right?

00:26:22.000 Yeah.

00:26:22.000 Don't listen to everyone.

00:26:23.000 Okay.

00:26:24.000 Yeah, I mean, investing in real estate is generally a good idea if you do it in the right place.

00:26:28.000 Yeah.

00:26:29.000 But, you know, I don't know. 1.00

00:26:31.000 Just keep kicking ass. 0.99

00:26:32.000 I remember when COVID first started, I hit you up. 1.00

00:26:34.000 I was like, Joe, I'm scared.

00:26:35.000 Do you have a guest house?

00:26:37.000 And you're like, I'm scared too.

00:26:38.000 I'm like, that's not the answer I was looking for.

00:26:40.000 I was scared in the beginning.

00:26:41.000 If you're scared, I'm scared.

00:26:43.000 In the beginning I was real scared.

00:26:44.000 First of all, the information you get from China is so filtered by the Communist Party or the Chinese government.

00:26:56.000 So who is telling the truth?

00:26:59.000 How bad is this?

00:27:01.000 And then when you see them driving on the street with those big tanks spraying the houses, did you ever see those videos from China?

00:27:08.000 No, I don't.

00:27:09.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:10.000 Like big Lysol trucks?

00:27:12.000 Looks like Ghostbusters.

00:27:12.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:27:13.000 I was like, this is not good.

00:27:14.000 No.

00:27:15.000 What are they doing?

00:27:16.000 And then you were getting information from cruise ships that were saying that it lasts up to 17 days just on surfaces. 0.99

00:27:22.000 I'm like, oh my God, we're fucked. 0.99

00:27:24.000 I know. 1.00

00:27:24.000 This is a superbug. 1.00

00:27:25.000 I was on a cruise at the beginning of the year, so I got it out of the way.

00:27:29.000 You were on a cruise?

00:27:30.000 Yeah, I got booked to perform on a rave cruise.

00:27:33.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:27:34.000 And I was like, this might be the worst experience of my life, but there's no way I can pass up on having that, you know?

00:27:40.000 Was it good?

00:27:41.000 It was so fun.

00:27:43.000 It honestly like changed my life.

00:27:46.000 I was like, first of all, who goes on a rave cruise?

00:27:49.000 Second of all, who goes to see comedy on a rave cruise?

00:27:53.000 And so I was like, I need to bring a friend.

00:27:55.000 So I brought my friend Danny and I was like, he's going to be the perfect person to have whether this is the best or the worst time.

00:28:00.000 And we pull up to the port in Miami and it's like 11am and there's people in like blue wigs and fishnets drinking like Jack Daniel.

00:28:07.000 Oh! 0.60

00:28:08.000 Oh, that's me.

00:28:10.000 Look at that smile.

00:28:11.000 You look so happy.

00:28:12.000 I was.

00:28:13.000 And look at everybody has no mask on.

00:28:14.000 No mask.

00:28:15.000 This was, oh, what a good time.

00:28:17.000 The old days.

00:28:18.000 Look at it.

00:28:19.000 It looks like I have abs in that picture.

00:28:20.000 When do you think we're going to go back?

00:28:21.000 This is January 21st.

00:28:22.000 This is right before the world ended.

00:28:24.000 Yeah.

00:28:24.000 When do you think we're going to go back to no masks?

00:28:28.000 Do you think some people are just going to wear masks forever now?

00:28:30.000 I think so, yeah.

00:28:31.000 I watched this Japanese reality show, and it's so good.

00:28:37.000 It's called Terrace House, and they just film people in this house.

00:28:40.000 It's beautiful.

00:28:41.000 And people over there wear masks when they're sick.

00:28:44.000 That's just always been a thing.

00:28:46.000 And so I think maybe that's something that'll be implemented.

00:28:49.000 Well, they did a really good job in stopping COVID because of that.

00:28:53.000 Yeah.

00:28:53.000 Just because they wear masks all the time.

00:28:55.000 They didn't stop their businesses.

00:28:56.000 Yeah.

00:28:57.000 They didn't close down.

00:28:58.000 And I think only a thousand people died.

00:29:01.000 Yeah.

00:29:02.000 See if that's true.

00:29:03.000 I think that's the number.

00:29:04.000 And they're starting to have resurgence in cases, unfortunately.

00:29:07.000 But that's what happens.

00:29:08.000 And now everyone's like losing their hair.

00:29:10.000 What?

00:29:11.000 They are?

00:29:11.000 Yeah, I heard that.

00:29:12.000 What, Melissa Milano? 0.91

00:29:14.000 And other people.

00:29:15.000 I think with her, she might have a little stress in her life.

00:29:19.000 Stress, yeah.

00:29:19.000 She seems like a little high strung.

00:29:21.000 That lady needs a joint. 1.00

00:29:22.000 What is that?

00:29:23.000 I don't know.

00:29:26.000 Recovered 35,000.

00:29:27.000 1,000 deaths.

00:29:28.000 That's amazing.

00:29:29.000 1,073 deaths in Japan.

00:29:31.000 That's amazing.

00:29:32.000 That's incredible.

00:29:33.000 Yeah.

00:29:33.000 That's incredible.

00:29:34.000 I mean, how do they do that?

00:29:35.000 I don't know.

00:29:35.000 And look at their big spike.

00:29:36.000 The big spike is like towards the end of, it looks like April 22nd.

00:29:40.000 Do you think that this is like mostly accurate as best?

00:29:44.000 I think Japan is honest.

00:29:46.000 Yeah.

00:29:46.000 I mean, they're just very disciplined.

00:29:48.000 You know, they're very disciplined and they follow order.

00:29:51.000 Yeah.

00:29:51.000 You know, like if you, have you ever gone?

00:29:53.000 No, I want to.

00:29:54.000 It's beautiful.

00:29:55.000 Well, I wanted to.

00:29:55.000 It's really interesting.

00:29:57.000 I love when people are just human beings, but they have a whole different way of doing things.

00:30:03.000 Like you go, they're like, oh, look how they do it.

00:30:05.000 Yeah.

00:30:06.000 You walk down the street, everybody's like real polite.

00:30:08.000 Like nobody's bumping into each other, yelling at each other.

00:30:11.000 It's like very orderly.

00:30:12.000 Yeah.

00:30:12.000 And you know, it's interesting.

00:30:14.000 It's like really packed with people, but there's no litter.

00:30:17.000 Yeah.

00:30:18.000 What's your favorite country you've been to?

00:30:22.000 Well, I'm a big fan of America.

00:30:25.000 I love Canada.

00:30:26.000 I've never been.

00:30:27.000 I mean, I guess that's kind of a country that's separate from us because you could walk over there, but I mean, you could walk to Mexico too.

00:30:33.000 Yeah.

00:30:33.000 I love Canada perform.

00:30:35.000 They're so nice up there.

00:30:36.000 They're like America, but I always say with 20% less douchebags. 1.00

00:30:40.000 That's nice. 0.99

00:30:41.000 They're fucking nice. 0.96

00:30:42.000 They're really nice. 0.99

00:30:43.000 And it's cold. 0.61

00:30:44.000 So it violates my dickhead cold weather theory. 0.93

00:30:47.000 I used to have a dickhead cold weather theory because I grew up in Boston. 0.98

00:30:50.000 I was like, why is everybody so dickheads here? 0.99

00:30:52.000 Because it's fucking freezing. 0.99

00:30:53.000 But it's not because Canada's colder than that and they're nice. 0.99

00:30:55.000 If you go from Boston to Montreal, it'll ruin your dickhead cold weather theory. 0.98

00:31:00.000 Because I'm like, well, it's fucking colder here and people are nice. 0.98

00:31:03.000 Maybe it gets so cold that they're forced to be nice. 0.95

00:31:07.000 Yeah, because they're all struggling.

00:31:08.000 They have to stay together.

00:31:09.000 Have you been to Montreal?

00:31:10.000 No, I've never been to Canada.

00:31:12.000 Oh, you've got to go.

00:31:12.000 It's awesome.

00:31:13.000 I was hoping to do new faces this year.

00:31:16.000 But if I had a bail off the continental North America, if I had to get out of this spot, I would go to Australia.

00:31:23.000 I love Australia.

00:31:24.000 Really?

00:31:24.000 I've never been, but it's not a place that I'm super dying to go to.

00:31:29.000 I really want to go to New Zealand.

00:31:31.000 I would go there too.

00:31:32.000 I've never been, but it looks amazing.

00:31:33.000 Road trip!

00:31:35.000 They just had four new cases.

00:31:37.000 They had no cases.

00:31:39.000 They're pretty impressive.

00:31:41.000 But Australia, the first thing I would do if I did move there is try to convince them to drive on the right side of the road.

00:31:47.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:31:48.000 It's weird.

00:31:49.000 Why are you over here with you staring on the wrong side?

00:31:51.000 How did that happen?

00:31:52.000 What happened when we came over to America was someone just like, let's just switch it all up. 1.00

00:31:57.000 Everybody's jealous of us because we're the shit. 0.99

00:31:59.000 Instead of like, they do it like that, we're going to do it like this. 0.99

00:32:02.000 Do you know why though, honestly?

00:32:04.000 No, that's why I'm asking.

00:32:05.000 The reason why is they drive on the left side of the road because if you were a knight and you were in combat, you would want to have your enemy on your right side.

00:32:16.000 So if you were riding towards them, you would want to have your enemy so you could slash at them with your dominant arm.

00:32:25.000 Yeah.

00:32:26.000 That's also why when you shake someone's hand, you shake someone's hand with your right hand.

00:32:29.000 Because that's your dominant arm, supposedly.

00:32:31.000 So that's your sword arm.

00:32:33.000 So these are all sword people. 1.00

00:32:34.000 They're all fucking barbarians. 0.99

00:32:36.000 What type of cars were knights driving? 1.00

00:32:38.000 Like a Cadillac, Escalade?

00:32:39.000 They were on horses, honey.

00:32:40.000 Oh, okay.

00:32:40.000 Got it.

00:32:42.000 When they'd run up to each other and stab each other, they would want to do it with their right arm.

00:32:47.000 So they'd want the enemy to be on the right side of them. 0.93

00:32:49.000 Crazy.

00:32:50.000 Yeah.

00:32:50.000 So they were on the left side of the road.

00:32:52.000 Hmm.

00:32:52.000 It's weird to think that that's like...

00:32:54.000 I might have made that up, by the way.

00:32:55.000 Maybe.

00:32:55.000 You know, I just trust...

00:32:56.000 I have blind faith.

00:32:57.000 I'm like, I know less, so I'll just take that as a fact.

00:33:00.000 Yeah, I still talk like the days before the internet. 0.97

00:33:02.000 I just start saying shit, and I'm not sure if I fully researched it. 0.98

00:33:05.000 I know. 0.99

00:33:05.000 But that's the crazy thing about the internet, is I feel so confused all the time. 0.99

00:33:10.000 You can with many things.

00:33:12.000 With many subjects, you can get really confused.

00:33:14.000 Is that a fact? 0.99

00:33:14.000 I mean, I'm pretty sure that's right, but I know America drives on the right because we're like, fuck that. 0.99

00:33:19.000 We're not driving on the left. 0.99

00:33:20.000 We invented cars, bro.

00:33:22.000 Did we? 1.00

00:33:22.000 Fuck that, we're driving on the right. 1.00

00:33:23.000 Detroit. 1.00

00:33:24.000 Ford, motherfucker. 1.00

00:33:25.000 But it's an anti-drive on the left is why we drive on the right. 1.00

00:33:28.000 It's because they drive on the left is why we drive on the right kind of.

00:33:31.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:33:32.000 Yeah, we're like the younger sibling who's like, fuck you, we do it our own way. 1.00

00:33:36.000 Oh, that's how you drive with horses? 1.00

00:33:37.000 Well, with cars.

00:33:38.000 We're gonna just flip it.

00:33:39.000 I don't know.

00:33:39.000 I mean, what is the reason why they decided to drive on the right?

00:33:42.000 There's got to be a reason.

00:33:43.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:33:45.000 It's like colonization.

00:33:46.000 Just to be different?

00:33:47.000 In the early colonization of North America, English driving customs were followed and the colonies drove on the left.

00:33:53.000 Ah, after gaining independence from it.

00:33:55.000 That makes sense.

00:33:56.000 They were anxious to cast off all remaining links with their British colonial past and gradually changed to right-hand driving.

00:34:04.000 Aha! 0.94

00:34:05.000 That makes sense.

00:34:07.000 Have you ever, did you, when you were in Australia, did you like rent a car and drive yourself on the left side?

00:34:12.000 No, I have never driven a car on the left-hand side.

00:34:14.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:34:14.000 I remember reading about Matthew Broderick, and he was over in Ireland, I believe, and he got in a fatal car crash, smashed into someone, and the speculation was that he was on the wrong side of the road, like he was coming home from the set, and then he fucked up. 0.97

00:34:27.000 I remember reading that, I don't know if that's the case, but I do know he was in a bad car crash, and I was like, oh my god, you gotta be... 0.99

00:34:33.000 On your fucking P's and Q's if you're driving the left side of the road. 0.96

00:34:36.000 Do you know when you're driving, you get in that weird auto mode where you just... 1.00

00:34:42.000 You ever be in your car and then all of a sudden...

00:34:44.000 I don't know how I get home sometimes.

00:34:45.000 How did I get here?

00:34:46.000 Do you text and drive?

00:34:47.000 No.

00:34:48.000 No, I do not.

00:34:49.000 I do not.

00:34:50.000 It's too tempting.

00:34:51.000 I have a little slot in my car for my phone.

00:34:53.000 It just goes right in there. 0.98

00:34:55.000 I don't do shit. 0.98

00:34:56.000 In every car you have, you have a slot? 0.99

00:34:57.000 Well, in the car that I drive the most.

00:34:59.000 The Tess?

00:35:01.000 The Tesla's a slot.

00:35:02.000 But the thing I like to do is this.

00:35:03.000 I like to do, hey Siri, text Ally Makovsky.

00:35:06.000 And I'm like, what would you like to say? 1.00

00:35:08.000 And then that kind of shit. 0.99

00:35:08.000 Did your phone go off and I said, hey Siri? 0.99

00:35:11.000 People get mad at you.

00:35:13.000 Like, if they listen to the podcast, they get mad.

00:35:15.000 I have, like, an iPhone, too, so I don't have to worry about it.

00:35:18.000 It's fine.

00:35:18.000 Half the time, it's dirty.

00:35:20.000 Oh, that?

00:35:21.000 Yeah.

00:35:21.000 Why don't we...

00:35:22.000 Well, we're not replacing in the new studio.

00:35:24.000 Are you going to visit us in Texas?

00:35:26.000 Duh! 1.00

00:35:27.000 Duh! 1.00

00:35:27.000 I was like, when you called me yesterday, I was like, maybe he, like, wants me to, like, move with him. 1.00

00:35:33.000 And then you're like, don't do the podcast.

00:35:34.000 I'm like, fine, I guess I'll stay in LA. Well, once everything's up and running.

00:35:39.000 I'll babysit.

00:35:40.000 Okay.

00:35:40.000 Well, good.

00:35:42.000 I've got nothing over here.

00:35:43.000 My daughter likes you.

00:35:44.000 I know.

00:35:44.000 She's so cute.

00:35:46.000 Adorable.

00:35:46.000 She's so cute.

00:35:47.000 I was like, are you on TikTok?

00:35:49.000 That's like how I, whenever I meet a young person, I'm like, are you on TikTok?

00:35:51.000 I know the dances.

00:35:53.000 The Chinese government is watching you.

00:35:55.000 Do you think they're actually going to ban it?

00:35:57.000 Yes.

00:35:57.000 I think they're going to force a sale.

00:35:59.000 That's what I think.

00:36:00.000 I think probably some big American tech company is going to buy it.

00:36:03.000 Because there was a group of software...

00:36:06.000 I don't know if a group or some software engineer that back-engineered TikTok.

00:36:10.000 And they said, this is the worst application we've ever seen in terms of violation of privacy.

00:36:15.000 It's the worst. 0.99

00:36:16.000 It tracks fucking everything. 0.99

00:36:19.000 And they send that information directly to the Chinese government. 0.99

00:36:22.000 So they're data mining. 0.99

00:36:23.000 Is it bad that I... Don't give a fuck? 1.00

00:36:26.000 Don't give a fuck? 0.99

00:36:27.000 Should I care more that people are taking my privacy? 0.99

00:36:31.000 This is how I feel about that.

00:36:33.000 Okay, tell me.

00:36:33.000 You are a 24-year-old stand-up comedian.

00:36:37.000 25 next month.

00:36:37.000 So you're like, what am I going to do?

00:36:40.000 What are you going to do? 0.99

00:36:40.000 What are you going to find out where I shit? 0.99

00:36:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:36:42.000 Are you going to find out where I take naps?

00:36:43.000 I keep my laptop on with the camera on when I'm pooping just in case.

00:36:47.000 If the government's watching, I want them to get the full range of me. 0.98

00:36:50.000 I feel like if they're paying attention to hedge fund guys who are trying to overthrow governments, they're paying attention to important shit. 0.98

00:36:57.000 They don't care about me? 0.97

00:36:58.000 What do we do?

00:37:00.000 I know nothing. 1.00

00:37:01.000 We talk shit. 1.00

00:37:02.000 The people that think that the government's watching everything you do are like, bro, you're boring. 1.00

00:37:07.000 They're not paying attention to you.

00:37:09.000 I guarantee you they're not.

00:37:10.000 But...

00:37:11.000 They're probably watching you, don't you think?

00:37:13.000 Yeah, they're watching me.

00:37:14.000 They listen to everything I say, I'm sure.

00:37:16.000 But I say everything publicly.

00:37:17.000 Yeah.

00:37:18.000 The things that get me in the most trouble, I say right here.

00:37:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:37:20.000 You're just talking shit. 1.00

00:37:22.000 But, you know, that's the business. 1.00

00:37:24.000 The business is the talking shit business. 1.00

00:37:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:37:26.000 What are you going to do? 0.99

00:37:27.000 But that's the thing, to get back to, like, being so confused about information now, because there's so much information, I don't know what to believe.

00:37:36.000 Isn't it crazy, like, having a podcast and then, like, saying something and being like, I don't know if that's right?

00:37:41.000 Well, that's what Jamie's for.

00:37:42.000 Jamie!

00:37:43.000 Jamie's the best.

00:37:44.000 Jamie pulls things up all the time that I thought were right.

00:37:47.000 I know, I've always wanted to.

00:37:48.000 Actually...

00:37:50.000 Actually, you're wrong. 1.00

00:37:51.000 Well, I mean, if you're coming to me as your major source of information, you are already fucked. 0.98

00:37:57.000 If I say something that I absolutely know to be sure, I will say that I absolutely know this to be sure. 0.92

00:38:03.000 And if I say something and I go, I don't know if that's true, please Google it.

00:38:08.000 I'm not supposed to be a source of information.

00:38:10.000 I'm just not.

00:38:11.000 It's not my thing.

00:38:12.000 You just have a lot of information.

00:38:14.000 Whether it's factual or not. 1.00

00:38:16.000 I'm a shit talker. 1.00

00:38:18.000 That's what I am. 1.00

00:38:18.000 A professional shit talker. 1.00

00:38:19.000 I talk shit. 1.00

00:38:20.000 Eight out of ten times, I don't even mean what I say. 1.00

00:38:23.000 Yeah.

00:38:24.000 That's the crazy thing too about the internet is that some people will just like assume that everything you say is real and it's like, no, there's some, you know, there's some like...

00:38:33.000 I'm going to put this up later.

00:38:35.000 Here, I'll send this to you, Jamie, right now.

00:38:38.000 This is Tim when he was getting his COVID test.

00:38:42.000 This is something that I'm sure people are going to be pissed about.

00:38:44.000 But this is a perfect example of what I like.

00:38:49.000 I don't need everyone to be serious or telling the truth.

00:38:54.000 And I like the fact that I can tell the difference. 0.99

00:38:57.000 And I like when people say outrageous shit that they don't really mean. 0.95

00:39:01.000 And that's one of the things that frustrates me the most about this internet culture is that people love to take something like that Tim Dillon would say in this clip and put it in quotes and pretend that he really means it. 0.98

00:39:12.000 Play that.

00:39:12.000 And have it totally out of context.

00:39:14.000 Oh, it's actually a fairly large video.

00:39:18.000 You got it?

00:39:19.000 Oh, you got it.

00:39:20.000 Put it up there and then give us some volume.

00:39:22.000 This is Tim Dillon taking his COVID test.

00:39:26.000 Here we go.

00:39:28.000 I'll put it on the internet after the podcast.

00:39:37.000 How's that, buddy?

00:39:38.000 I don't like it.

00:39:40.000 You don't like it?

00:39:40.000 I don't like it.

00:39:41.000 This disease doesn't exist.

00:39:42.000 What?

00:39:44.000 This is outrageous.

00:39:45.000 I can't even put this on the internet.

00:39:47.000 This does not exist.

00:39:48.000 It's fake.

00:39:49.000 Oh, no.

00:39:52.000 See, now, there's a lot of people that would be like, that's Jamie.

00:39:57.000 He added his emoji.

00:40:00.000 But it's like... 0.99

00:40:02.000 There's so many people that are like, you know how many fucking people died? 0.99

00:40:06.000 147,000 Americans! 1.00

00:40:07.000 That's what they would do.

00:40:08.000 They would take that clip, and they'd go, oh, you're yucking it up?

00:40:11.000 Ha, ha, ha.

00:40:12.000 Grandma's dead.

00:40:13.000 Yeah, what are we supposed to do?

00:40:14.000 Be sad about Grandma all the time?

00:40:16.000 All the time.

00:40:17.000 All the time.

00:40:17.000 24-7.

00:40:18.000 We're supposed to be sad.

00:40:18.000 Everything's supposed to be serious.

00:40:20.000 Humorless fucks who spend all day complaining about things. 1.00

00:40:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:25.000 But I get it.

00:40:25.000 Because there's no work.

00:40:26.000 Yeah.

00:40:27.000 What are you going to do? 0.88

00:40:27.000 Like, of course it's sad, but that's like why comedy is so important and to make light of things and be ridiculous. 0.88

00:40:33.000 Because it's like there needs to be a balance.

00:40:35.000 For sure.

00:40:37.000 That's what we do.

00:40:38.000 And it's also like what we enjoy. 0.99

00:40:40.000 Like one of the things about the Comedy Store is that I enjoyed the most is like going there and people would go like talk shit to you. 0.99

00:40:45.000 You really wearing that? 0.99

00:40:46.000 Like what?

00:40:47.000 Are you really wearing that?

00:40:49.000 And then all of a sudden it'd be like a roast fest.

00:40:51.000 You'd be standing there like, what did I do? 0.98

00:40:53.000 And then you're shitting on my clothes or shitting on my shoes or, you know, it's like, it's fun. 0.98

00:40:57.000 It's fun. 0.99

00:40:58.000 Like in saying things you don't mean are fun. 0.94

00:41:01.000 I remember when it was like me, you, and Santino out somewhere and we were getting brunch and I was like wearing a shirt and you're like, what the fuck is that tattoo on your arm? 0.71

00:41:09.000 And I was like, what's that tattoo on your arm? 0.61

00:41:11.000 We were just going back and forth. 1.00

00:41:13.000 That's dumb. 0.99

00:41:14.000 What does that mean? 1.00

00:41:15.000 You had that at a thrift store?

00:41:17.000 What is that tattoo?

00:41:18.000 I don't know.

00:41:18.000 I forget.

00:41:19.000 It's a rowboat with a flower in it.

00:41:20.000 Mmm.

00:41:21.000 Okay.

00:41:22.000 I got it for 10 bucks.

00:41:23.000 I won a raffle.

00:41:24.000 That's a good deal.

00:41:24.000 It stays with you forever.

00:41:25.000 Yeah.

00:41:26.000 When you're 80 years.

00:41:26.000 It's not even going to look like that.

00:41:29.000 Today it's a thousand dollars.

00:41:32.000 My friend got a tattoo gun on Amazon.

00:41:35.000 You know that anyone can just buy a tattoo gun on Amazon?

00:41:38.000 You can just start tattooing yourself.

00:41:40.000 Oh my god, you tattooed your palm?

00:41:41.000 I saw the Post Malone episode and I was like, I gotta get another tap before I come on.

00:41:45.000 Were you thinking about getting one in your cheek?

00:41:47.000 No, not yet.

00:41:48.000 Would you do like a little star?

00:41:49.000 I have thought about a face tattoo.

00:41:51.000 Right above your eyebrow?

00:41:52.000 Like a tiny little one over here.

00:41:53.000 Ooh.

00:41:54.000 Maybe.

00:41:55.000 There's been multiple face tattoos on this podcast.

00:41:58.000 And you know the one I forgot?

00:41:59.000 Who?

00:42:00.000 Mike Tyson.

00:42:01.000 I forgot he has a face tattoo.

00:42:03.000 Yeah.

00:42:03.000 I forgot.

00:42:04.000 A prominent one.

00:42:04.000 The first one, though, was Kat Von D. She was number one.

00:42:08.000 She has a gang of them. 0.86

00:42:09.000 She's got little stars all over the place. 0.95

00:42:12.000 And then the second one...

00:42:15.000 Was the second one Tyson?

00:42:19.000 Who else?

00:42:20.000 You had Kat Von D on? 0.73

00:42:22.000 Well, yes.

00:42:23.000 Yeah.

00:42:24.000 Early in the day.

00:42:25.000 She's awesome. 0.83

00:42:26.000 Yeah.

00:42:26.000 But Travis Barker probably has the most tattoos.

00:42:28.000 He's so talented.

00:42:29.000 He's a great guy, too.

00:42:31.000 He's like a legend.

00:42:32.000 He's so cool.

00:42:33.000 He's such a sweetheart of a person, like a really genuinely nice guy.

00:42:36.000 But he's got face, head, neck, everything.

00:42:40.000 He was on his Instagram the other day getting new tattoos.

00:42:42.000 He's like, I'm out of space.

00:42:43.000 Yeah.

00:42:44.000 So they're just like drawing over old tattoos, like new writing.

00:42:46.000 Yeah.

00:42:48.000 Do you think he'd get, like, a skin graft just so he can do, like, a new...

00:42:51.000 Well, he's actually had skin grafts.

00:42:53.000 Yeah.

00:42:53.000 Because he had a plane crash.

00:42:54.000 Yeah.

00:42:55.000 Yeah.

00:42:56.000 I don't think he would. 0.99

00:42:58.000 Skin grafts are fucking painful. 0.99

00:42:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:00.000 Yeah.

00:43:00.000 But he's got everything covered.

00:43:02.000 Have you ever had one?

00:43:02.000 Yeah, I had a skin graft once.

00:43:03.000 Oh.

00:43:05.000 He's got literally them everywhere.

00:43:09.000 He's got them everywhere.

00:43:10.000 Really?

00:43:10.000 Yeah, yeah, everywhere.

00:43:11.000 Like, top of his head, all the way down, his hands, his arms, his legs, everything's tattooed.

00:43:18.000 Like, see if you can find the video.

00:43:19.000 The video's kind of crazy.

00:43:21.000 I have a weird amount of tattoos where I'm like, I feel like I'm playing blackjack right now.

00:43:26.000 I'm like, should I quit?

00:43:28.000 Yeah, look.

00:43:29.000 He's out of space. 1.00

00:43:30.000 Damn. 1.00

00:43:31.000 It's everywhere. 1.00

00:43:32.000 Under his chin.

00:43:33.000 There's still some face room.

00:43:35.000 Yeah.

00:43:36.000 Some cheeks.

00:43:37.000 Well, there was a fake picture that somebody, it might have been him, that he posted of his face fully tattooed. 0.98

00:43:43.000 It was like, damn, he might have went all in. 0.98

00:43:45.000 But it was fake. 0.97

00:43:47.000 How old were you when you got your first tattoo?

00:43:50.000 23, maybe?

00:43:53.000 Do you remember what it was?

00:43:54.000 Yeah, I still have it.

00:43:55.000 It's like a demon with a jester's hat on.

00:43:58.000 Nice. 1.00

00:43:59.000 Stupid. 1.00

00:44:00.000 I know. 1.00

00:44:00.000 All my tattoos are so stupid. 1.00

00:44:01.000 It's there to remind me that I used to be a moron. 1.00

00:44:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:44:04.000 I feel like that's what these are.

00:44:05.000 I'm like, you know what?

00:44:06.000 You're going to be a different person. 0.99

00:44:07.000 Well, I'm still a moron, but I'm definitely less of a moron than when I was 23. Yeah. 0.99

00:44:13.000 That's why I really liked being at the store and having people like you and Tony and Santino and just all the people there.

00:44:24.000 Because for me, being a young person in comedy, I'm always like, were you guys bad when you first started?

00:44:31.000 Oh, we were terrible.

00:44:31.000 I'm like, did you guys know what you wanted to talk about?

00:44:34.000 And it's so cool being able to ask you guys for advice and have these mentors.

00:44:39.000 Well, it's also, the guys you're talking about, everyone's genuinely honest.

00:44:45.000 They'll tell you the times they bombed.

00:44:47.000 The worst is people that don't admit they bombed or don't admit when they bombed.

00:44:52.000 Because, okay, you're protecting yourself and you're damaging our relationship.

00:44:55.000 Yeah.

00:44:56.000 By protecting yourself, first of all, it doesn't really work.

00:44:58.000 You're not really protecting yourself.

00:44:59.000 And two, you're damaging our relationship.

00:45:01.000 Because now I can't listen to you. 1.00

00:45:02.000 Because now I think you're full of shit. 1.00

00:45:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:04.000 That's not good. 1.00

00:45:07.000 Remember when we were in St. Paul in the arena and I said, what's up St. Louis?

00:45:18.000 That was rough.

00:45:19.000 Oh my god.

00:45:21.000 You barely recovered from that one.

00:45:22.000 I thought I was gonna get burned alive after the show.

00:45:25.000 They got mad.

00:45:26.000 And I opened it up.

00:45:27.000 I was the first one on stage.

00:45:28.000 I was like so excited.

00:45:29.000 I'm like, what's up?

00:45:30.000 Oh no!

00:45:32.000 Dead silence.

00:45:33.000 And I'm like, that's not how this works.

00:45:35.000 Oh no.

00:45:36.000 Yeah.

00:45:37.000 But then I recovered, thank god.

00:45:39.000 I think I've done that before.

00:45:40.000 I think I called Minneapolis, Michigan once.

00:45:43.000 Yeah, I retired saying what's up wherever I'm at.

00:45:47.000 I'm like, I'll just get into it.

00:45:49.000 Well, there's some places that demand respect.

00:45:52.000 Like, if you go to New York and you call it Philly, your show's over.

00:45:54.000 Yeah.

00:45:55.000 What's up, Philly?

00:45:56.000 What?

00:45:57.000 They would just, boo!

00:45:59.000 That's a mistake you can't make!

00:46:01.000 Boo! 0.83

00:46:03.000 Some mistakes you can't make. 1.00

00:46:04.000 But if you call St. Paul, St. Louis, you're like, oh my god, I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:46:08.000 Like a couple minutes later, if you have some good jokes, they'll forget. 1.00

00:46:11.000 Yeah.

00:46:12.000 New York will never forgive you if you call it Philadelphia.

00:46:14.000 If you call New York Philadelphia.

00:46:15.000 Or if you call Philadelphia New York. 1.00

00:46:17.000 They'll kick your ass. 1.00

00:46:19.000 Wouldn't you know the difference between Philly and New York? 1.00

00:46:21.000 Not if you're drunk.

00:46:22.000 You don't drink.

00:46:23.000 I don't drink.

00:46:23.000 When did you stop with the booze and then everything else?

00:46:26.000 I stopped everything the day after Halloween of 2015. Was it a rough Halloween?

00:46:33.000 It was a rough Halloween.

00:46:35.000 Yeah, not one of my best moments.

00:46:37.000 So you were 19 then?

00:46:39.000 I was 19. Wow.

00:46:40.000 I think I was 20. Yeah.

00:46:43.000 So right around then.

00:46:44.000 Yeah, I woke up half naked on my dad's couch, and I was like, this is not the way I want to be waking up.

00:46:53.000 This is not a pretty sight.

00:46:55.000 Were you out all night?

00:46:56.000 Yeah, and I was moving to LA November 1st, 2015, and I was like, okay, I still want to go out for Halloween, but I need to be respectful.

00:47:06.000 No hard alcohol, just a couple beers. 0.98

00:47:10.000 Get your shit together. 1.00

00:47:11.000 Don't be a piece of shit. 1.00

00:47:13.000 Blacked out. 1.00

00:47:13.000 That's amazing. 1.00

00:47:14.000 Woke up half naked.

00:47:15.000 So whenever people are like, how long have you lived in LA? I'm like, uh...

00:47:19.000 Four years, seven months, you know, whatever days.

00:47:22.000 Right, you can get it down to the Alcoholics Anonymous chip.

00:47:25.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:47:27.000 Jim Norton's the same way.

00:47:29.000 Norton stopped when he was 19. Oh, really?

00:47:31.000 Yep, yep. 0.99

00:47:32.000 He realized, he's like, I'm a fucking mess and I can't do this. 0.99

00:47:35.000 And I thought when I started comedy, I was like... 0.99

00:47:38.000 I was like, everyone who is successful drinks.

00:47:40.000 Like, it's just part of it.

00:47:41.000 Like, you have to be boozing and schmoozing and, like, having a good time after the show and, like, partying it up and have this, like, rock star attitude.

00:47:50.000 And then I realized that there were so many successful comedians who don't drink, and I was like, okay, maybe this is, like, possible.

00:47:57.000 Yeah, it's very possible.

00:47:58.000 Yeah.

00:47:58.000 I mean, Hicks did his best work after he cleaned up.

00:48:01.000 Yeah.

00:48:01.000 He didn't, you know, didn't do anything.

00:48:03.000 Yeah.

00:48:04.000 When he was like in his 30, I think he quit like at like 30 or something like that.

00:48:10.000 But then whatever he had done caught up to him already.

00:48:13.000 But he smoked a lot of cigarettes, which is just as bad, my friend.

00:48:17.000 Yeah.

00:48:18.000 He's your favorite, right?

00:48:19.000 He's your favorite, yeah.

00:48:20.000 No, no, he's not my favorite.

00:48:23.000 He's not the funniest.

00:48:25.000 He was a great mind.

00:48:27.000 And I think he had really interesting thoughts.

00:48:30.000 And I think that his comedy was very revolutionary in that it changed the way people thought about doing comedy.

00:48:37.000 Because you could do comedy and talk about important issues.

00:48:40.000 You could talk about complex things.

00:48:42.000 And it inspired me to talk about more complex things.

00:48:46.000 But Kinison...

00:48:46.000 But you didn't start out talking about complex things, did you?

00:48:50.000 No.

00:48:50.000 Okay, thank God.

00:48:51.000 No, no. 1.00

00:48:52.000 Because I'm like, my ass, whatever my jokes are, sucking dick, doing whatever, you know, the dumb shit. 1.00

00:48:59.000 Of course. 1.00

00:49:00.000 And I'm always like, I hope I'm, I mean, I don't mind if I keep talking about whatever, like dumb shit. 0.99

00:49:05.000 I just wanted to be like a little bit more elevated. 1.00

00:49:08.000 Well, some people talk about dumb shit forever, and it's great. 0.99

00:49:12.000 There's no rules. 0.99

00:49:13.000 It just has to be funny.

00:49:14.000 I used to be so insecure about my dumb jokes, which I think are funny, but it's not like I'm breaking boundaries or opening people's minds to new thoughts. 0.99

00:49:25.000 But the problem is the people that want to do that all suck. 0.98

00:49:28.000 The people that want to break boundaries, the people that want to open people's minds, they're almost always annoying. 0.97

00:49:33.000 I think the jokes should be...

00:49:36.000 There's two things that should be possible, right?

00:49:38.000 First of all, what you're saying for the people in the audience should be entertaining, should be interesting.

00:49:43.000 That was one of the things that Hicks said.

00:49:45.000 Like, just try to be interesting.

00:49:47.000 He had like a, see if you can find this.

00:49:49.000 He had like a rules to comedy thing that he wrote that's very insightful.

00:49:54.000 It's really interesting.

00:49:54.000 I mean, when you think about it, the guy died.

00:49:56.000 I think he was only like 33 when he died.

00:49:59.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:49:59.000 He was just really fucking smart. 0.98

00:50:02.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:50:03.000 You know, just really smart and also started comedy really young.

00:50:08.000 So here it is.

00:50:09.000 Bill Hicks Principles of Comedy.

00:50:11.000 If you can be yourself on stage, nobody else can be you, and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

00:50:18.000 The act is something you fall back on if you can't think of anything else to say.

00:50:23.000 Number three, only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it's not that funny to you.

00:50:32.000 Number four, never ask them, is this funny?

00:50:36.000 You tell them this is funny. 1.00

00:50:38.000 Number five, you are not married to any of this shit. 1.00

00:50:40.000 If something happens, taking off on a tangent, never go back and finish a bit, just move on. 1.00

00:50:46.000 Number six, never ask the audience how you doing.

00:50:50.000 People who do that can't think of an opening line.

00:50:53.000 They came to see you tell them how they're doing. 1.00

00:50:56.000 Asking that stupid question up front just digs a hole. 1.00

00:50:59.000 This is the most common mistake. 1.00

00:51:01.000 I like how he writes that in all caps.

00:51:03.000 Is the most common mistake with a, well not all caps, front word, first letter caps.

00:51:08.000 The most common mistake made by performers, I want to leave as soon as they say that.

00:51:14.000 Number seven, write what entertains you.

00:51:16.000 If you can't be funny, be interesting.

00:51:18.000 That's what I was talking about.

00:51:19.000 You haven't lost the crowd.

00:51:20.000 Have something to say and then do it in a funny way.

00:51:23.000 Number eight, I close my eyes and walk out there and that's where I start.

00:51:27.000 Honest.

00:51:28.000 Number nine, listen to what you are saying.

00:51:31.000 Ask yourself, why am I saying it and is it necessary?

00:51:35.000 This will filter all your material and cut the unnecessary words.

00:51:41.000 Economy of words.

00:51:42.000 You're super into that.

00:51:43.000 Economy of words is everything.

00:51:44.000 It's everything with jokes.

00:51:45.000 Number 10, play to the top of the intelligence of the room.

00:51:48.000 There aren't any bad crowds, just wrong choices.

00:51:51.000 That's not true.

00:51:52.000 Yeah.

00:51:53.000 That's just not true.

00:51:54.000 There are definitely bad crowds.

00:51:56.000 Number 11, remember this is the hardest thing there is to do.

00:51:59.000 That's not true. 0.78

00:52:00.000 Being a soldier, way fucking harder. 0.61

00:52:02.000 If you can do this, you can do anything. 0.99

00:52:04.000 Nope, you can't tell people jokes and then do brain surgery. 1.00

00:52:08.000 I can't do shit. 1.00

00:52:09.000 Yeah, that's not true. 1.00

00:52:10.000 I'm useless.

00:52:11.000 Number 12, I love my cracker roots.

00:52:13.000 Get to know your family.

00:52:14.000 Be friends with them.

00:52:15.000 Well, that's not the worst advice.

00:52:17.000 But the thing that is a problem with any of that stuff is this is how you do it.

00:52:23.000 The beautiful thing about comedy is there is no this is how you do it.

00:52:26.000 There's Mitch Hedberg and there's Sam Kinison.

00:52:29.000 Those are two all-time greats.

00:52:31.000 There's Richard Pryor.

00:52:33.000 And there's Louis C.K. There's Dave Chappelle, and there's Emo Phillips.

00:52:37.000 There's Bobcat Goldthwait, and there's fucking, you know... 0.99

00:52:40.000 I mean, you can do that all day. 0.98

00:52:42.000 But I think that just goes back to, like, just be who you are on stage.

00:52:45.000 Yes, yes.

00:52:46.000 But also, do what you feel like doing.

00:52:48.000 Like, Gaffigan likes to do his kind of comedy.

00:52:52.000 Yeah.

00:52:52.000 Right?

00:52:52.000 If all of a sudden Gaffigan had to do, like, you know...

00:52:56.000 Someone else's act, like Bobby Lee or something like that.

00:52:59.000 It wouldn't be.

00:53:00.000 It's not what he's interested in.

00:53:02.000 You find what you like to do.

00:53:05.000 Some people are country music stars.

00:53:07.000 Some people are rappers.

00:53:09.000 Everyone's got their own thing they're doing.

00:53:11.000 And that's the thing with comedy is I feel like when you're starting out, it can feel so...

00:53:20.000 I feel like I have to look at it like music.

00:53:27.000 It's like, oh, I like a rapper and I also like this corny pop musician.

00:53:32.000 They're in totally different lanes.

00:53:33.000 They're not competing against each other.

00:53:35.000 They're not looking at each other being like, why are they doing that?

00:53:38.000 They're doing their own thing and I can appreciate both artists or both songs or whatever.

00:53:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:53:44.000 I do know what you mean, but some people can't, and some comics can't.

00:53:47.000 Some comics decide that they don't like what you do.

00:53:51.000 So you shouldn't be doing it.

00:53:52.000 They get angry.

00:53:53.000 You know, you shouldn't be talking about sex.

00:53:55.000 You should be talking about, you know, like, whatever, absurd things.

00:54:00.000 But that's because comedy is...

00:54:03.000 If you go to a comedy club, it's just a comedy club.

00:54:06.000 Nobody goes to a music club and doesn't know what kind of band is playing.

00:54:11.000 If you go to see rock and roll and all of a sudden a folk singer shows up, you get upset.

00:54:16.000 There's no other venue like that where someone will go on stage and they're Metallica and then right afterwards would be Sarah McLaughlin.

00:54:25.000 That's a weird combination.

00:54:26.000 But in comedy, that's a combination that exists all the time.

00:54:29.000 You will see weird combinations like that all the time, where if you're on a 10-person show, like at the store, where 10 people are doing 15-minute sets, you are likely to see the full spectrum of comedy. 0.97

00:54:42.000 All kinds of weird shit.

00:54:44.000 That's why I like the original room so much, because it goes until 2 in the morning, sometimes longer, and you get to see the weirdest stuff. 0.97

00:54:52.000 Yeah.

00:54:52.000 Yeah, well that's where I saw Laura.

00:54:54.000 Laura Beetz.

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:55.000 I mean, and I became a giant fan of hers and I put the post on my Instagram because me and Kreischer, we did a show, this big ass sold out show in the main room and then Bert and I sat down in the back of the room and Laura was on stage and there was like maybe...

00:55:10.000 I mean, 15 people or something?

00:55:13.000 Something like that?

00:55:13.000 A small-ass crowd.

00:55:15.000 By the time she was offstage, the crowd had doubled.

00:55:17.000 Yeah.

00:55:18.000 Because they were coming in to sit down to listen to her.

00:55:21.000 And that doesn't seem like a lot.

00:55:23.000 You know, oh, there's only 30 people.

00:55:24.000 But that's a big jump.

00:55:26.000 Yeah.

00:55:26.000 And for the OR at, like, whatever time that was, she's so talented.

00:55:30.000 She's so funny.

00:55:31.000 And just so, like, ah!

00:55:34.000 Yeah, I love her style.

00:55:36.000 And it's like what he was saying.

00:55:37.000 She's herself.

00:55:37.000 She knows how to do it.

00:55:39.000 And she works so hard.

00:55:40.000 Like her and I talked about writing and she showed me her notebook.

00:55:43.000 First of all, everything is like, there's like a line and then a space.

00:55:46.000 Like she leaves a whole line bare and then the next space. 1.00

00:55:50.000 I'm like, oh, you're fucking organized as fuck. 1.00

00:55:52.000 She's like, yes, I'm serious. 0.99

00:55:54.000 I have a friend who her notes are color-coded.

00:55:57.000 Ooh.

00:55:58.000 She has it like color coded jokes that like really work, jokes that need some work on them, brand new jokes and then like certain parts of the joke are color coded differently and I'm like my brain does not work like that.

00:56:09.000 Does she use highlights or does she use tabs? 1.00

00:56:10.000 She does it on her computer and phone.

00:56:13.000 Oh.

00:56:13.000 Yeah.

00:56:13.000 And then like when she's doing a show I think she just like transfers what she wants to do into the notebook.

00:56:18.000 Oh, interesting.

00:56:20.000 Well, everybody's got their own interesting way of doing it.

00:56:22.000 Ron Funch said something really interesting.

00:56:24.000 I heard!

00:56:25.000 I listened to the pod.

00:56:27.000 Ron was like, write what you love, you hate, and then what you fear.

00:56:31.000 I was like, oh.

00:56:33.000 And I texted him after the podcast.

00:56:35.000 I go, I ask that question all the time.

00:56:37.000 Like, what's your process?

00:56:38.000 Rarely do I get an answer that makes me go, oh, I'm going to implement that.

00:56:44.000 And so I told him that.

00:56:45.000 I mean, I know it's probably a standard writing exercise, but I wasn't aware of it.

00:56:49.000 Yeah, it's probably just a great way to really figure out your perspective on things and figure out your point of view and the angle that you want to take.

00:56:58.000 For a bit, it seems like the perfect combination because you always want to combine those three things.

00:57:02.000 What scares the fuck out of me, what I love, and what I hate.

00:57:05.000 Those things are awesome together.

00:57:06.000 That really is comedy.

00:57:08.000 It's a very smart way to write.

00:57:10.000 I was like, that made a big difference.

00:57:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:57:12.000 I just can't wait till it fucking opens up again! 0.98

00:57:14.000 I know, I feel like I'm in retirement. 0.98

00:57:16.000 I'm like, do I go to Palm Springs and...

00:57:19.000 Well, I was saying to people like you, You're in the middle of your development.

00:57:24.000 This is when the party's happening.

00:57:25.000 This is when everything's rocking and rolling and you get shut down, right?

00:57:29.000 I was saying to Chappelle Lacey the same thing.

00:57:31.000 Like here you are in the middle.

00:57:32.000 Everything's starting to rock and roll and kicking up and you start to do sets and it's picking up and it's picking up and it's picking up and all of a sudden boom!

00:57:40.000 I know.

00:57:40.000 I did my first headlining show, and then I was on my way to do my second headlining weekend in Denver at Comedy Works.

00:57:47.000 And then the day that I got there, things got really crazy, and they were talking about the LA lockdown, and I was like, I don't know what that means.

00:57:53.000 Like, I can't do the rest of the shows here.

00:57:55.000 So then I flew home, canceled the rest of the shows.

00:57:58.000 Oh, you were worried that they were going to lock down where you can't fly in?

00:58:00.000 Yeah, I think I texted you.

00:58:01.000 I was like, I don't know what to do.

00:58:03.000 Like, I'm already here.

00:58:04.000 I feel bad canceling.

00:58:05.000 Like, I don't know.

00:58:06.000 Yeah.

00:58:07.000 It's one of those things where it was, it was really obvious that everything was going to cancel.

00:58:12.000 Because we were at the store, and I was supposed to do the main room.

00:58:15.000 And I think I was doing the main room, I think it was more than one show.

00:58:20.000 It might have been two nights.

00:58:20.000 Yeah, I was supposed to host.

00:58:21.000 Yeah.

00:58:22.000 And then they called me up and they said, hey, the state is putting a, they're making a limitation.

00:58:28.000 So you can only have 200 people in a room, and obviously the main room is bigger than that.

00:58:32.000 So we're going to shut the shows down.

00:58:33.000 I'm like, yeah, that's probably a good idea.

00:58:35.000 And they're like, would you rather do the OR? We'll move your show to the OR and move as many people there as you can.

00:58:41.000 And I'm like, I don't know if we should do shows.

00:58:44.000 I was like, what if we all get sick?

00:58:48.000 And that was in the early days when no one knew what it was and what's going to happen to us.

00:58:53.000 I was in Vegas.

00:58:55.000 I think it was, like, first week of March.

00:58:57.000 That was the last time we had a Vegas show with a live audience.

00:59:01.000 And it was this packed T-Mobile arena.

00:59:04.000 And I remember thinking, like, this feels weird.

00:59:07.000 Like, people were on the plane.

00:59:09.000 Some had masks.

00:59:10.000 Some didn't.

00:59:10.000 This guy wanted to shake my hand.

00:59:12.000 And I was like, I'll shake your hand.

00:59:13.000 He's like, you sure?

00:59:14.000 I'm like, yeah.

00:59:15.000 I'm still shaking hands.

00:59:16.000 It was, like, March 7th or something like that.

00:59:19.000 Crazy.

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 Here we are.

00:59:21.000 I think it's been so unorganized with how to handle it, and that's why I think there's so much resistance towards doing things now.

00:59:30.000 Wow, it's like they didn't know.

00:59:32.000 No one knew.

00:59:35.000 I was saying this on the podcast the other day.

00:59:37.000 When you become a governor, you don't become a governor because you pass a bunch of tests that show that you accurately know how to handle each and every situation.

00:59:45.000 You become a governor because you're popular.

00:59:47.000 You win a popularity contest.

00:59:48.000 You back the right bills.

00:59:49.000 You say the right things.

00:59:50.000 You got the best hair.

00:59:51.000 And people are like, I like him. 1.00

00:59:53.000 Let's see if he can run shit. 1.00

00:59:54.000 And then something like this happens and you realize like, oh, these motherfuckers, they don't know what they're doing. 1.00

01:00:00.000 This is just guesswork. 0.99

01:00:01.000 And like, we're going on science.

01:00:03.000 No, you're not.

01:00:04.000 Yeah.

01:00:04.000 Stop saying that.

01:00:05.000 You're not going on science.

01:00:06.000 Because if you were, you'd be telling people to take vitamin D. You'd be telling people to take zinc. 0.99

01:00:10.000 You'd be telling people large doses of vitamin C. You'd be handing that shit out. 0.99

01:00:13.000 You'd be on every corner. 0.98

01:00:14.000 People would be able to get vitamin D, vitamin C, and zinc.

01:00:17.000 You'd pass it out.

01:00:18.000 You don't know what you're doing.

01:00:19.000 Is that the magic?

01:00:20.000 That's a big combination.

01:00:22.000 Vitamin D, vitamin C, and zinc.

01:00:25.000 The virus apparently has a very difficult time replicating in your system when you have all those things.

01:00:30.000 And this is all, they don't know why, they don't exactly know what the deal is, but there's some direct evidence that points to that, including a bunch of studies that have been done on people that are in the ICU. More than 80% of them in the ICU have low levels of vitamin D,

01:00:46.000 insufficient levels of vitamin D. Only 4% have sufficient levels.

01:00:50.000 Is vitamin D the sun one?

01:00:52.000 Yes.

01:00:52.000 Okay.

01:00:53.000 That's the one that we have a real problem with.

01:00:54.000 I've been going to the beach a lot.

01:00:56.000 Well, that's good.

01:00:56.000 You need to take it too, though.

01:00:58.000 Oh.

01:00:59.000 Unfortunately, because we're really supposed to be outside all day. 0.99

01:01:02.000 All this house shit, that's not really... 0.99

01:01:04.000 Nature doesn't know what we're doing. 1.00

01:01:06.000 Nature's like, why are you bitches... 1.00

01:01:07.000 Where's your sun? 0.99

01:01:08.000 Yeah.

01:01:09.000 Like, we're designed to get sun all the time.

01:01:12.000 I always think about your joke.

01:01:14.000 You know when there's certain people, I've told you this before, but there's certain jokes that just always stand out to you, like you always just kind of like think about them.

01:01:21.000 The joke about houses and how underwater there's no houses, there's nowhere to hide.

01:01:27.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:29.000 That's the most dangerous neighborhood in the world, is the ocean.

01:01:33.000 Because there's no indoors.

01:01:34.000 But it's so true.

01:01:35.000 It's like, houses are such a weird concept.

01:01:38.000 Like, obviously they make sense, but it is a weird concept to be like, this is my safe space.

01:01:43.000 Don't enter.

01:01:43.000 There's locks on the door.

01:01:44.000 I have my own bedroom in my house so the people in my house can't come in.

01:01:47.000 Well, that's why human beings have figured out a way to manipulate the entire world.

01:01:51.000 Whereas...

01:01:54.000 Whereas people in the ocean, like dolphins, ocean people, they never figured it out.

01:01:59.000 They never rest.

01:02:01.000 Yeah.

01:02:01.000 They're always, ah, shark, ah, octopus, ah!

01:02:04.000 They're always just running away from shit. 1.00

01:02:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:06.000 They never have a chance to sit down and close the door and go, whew. 0.99

01:02:09.000 What the fuck am I doing with my life? 0.99

01:02:10.000 Like that's what you have when you have a living room and a gun. 0.99

01:02:13.000 You can shut the door and you feel a little bit safe and you can start thinking about things.

01:02:17.000 Like people had to develop weapons and they had to develop housing.

01:02:19.000 Yeah.

01:02:20.000 They had to develop shelter.

01:02:21.000 They had to figure out where to stockpile food and that's how we figured out how to become human.

01:02:26.000 Yeah.

01:02:26.000 But until then we were basically like the smartest animals.

01:02:29.000 We were the animals that figured out how to use tools. 1.00

01:02:32.000 And now we're just dumb. 0.99

01:02:34.000 Now we're just soft. 1.00

01:02:35.000 Jelly. 1.00

01:02:38.000 Little fucking bags of water. 1.00

01:02:41.000 I don't drink enough water. 1.00

01:02:43.000 Why not?

01:02:44.000 I don't know.

01:02:44.000 It's free.

01:02:45.000 I know.

01:02:45.000 Drink it.

01:02:47.000 I'm going to just stockpile all these.

01:02:49.000 Make a deal with your mom.

01:02:50.000 You drink water, I'll stop smoking cigarettes.

01:02:53.000 I mean, she's going to listen to this episode.

01:02:55.000 Will she?

01:02:55.000 Oh my god, yeah.

01:02:56.000 She's jazzed.

01:02:58.000 Well, your mom's a very nice lady. 0.98

01:02:59.000 I know.

01:03:00.000 I met your mom.

01:03:00.000 She wanted to say thank you.

01:03:01.000 Oh, I love her.

01:03:02.000 She's great.

01:03:03.000 She's sweet.

01:03:03.000 Stop smoking, lady.

01:03:04.000 Yeah, I'm Jennifer.

01:03:05.000 While I'm smoking weed.

01:03:06.000 Stop smoking.

01:03:08.000 Uh, yeah.

01:03:09.000 Jennifer.

01:03:11.000 Jenny.

01:03:12.000 Get it together.

01:03:13.000 Both of my parents work together.

01:03:14.000 I think it's so funny.

01:03:15.000 They've been divorced since I was like five or six, and they have the same job.

01:03:19.000 That's funny.

01:03:20.000 And every once in a while they'll work together and send a selfie to me and my sisters.

01:03:23.000 There was something that I tweeted today that says marijuana stops people from getting COVID. That can't be real.

01:03:31.000 It was going around early.

01:03:33.000 I'll see if it's the same thing that was happening.

01:03:36.000 I bet Tommy Chong wrote it under a pen name.

01:03:38.000 That's probably fake.

01:03:40.000 So when do you decide to pull out the real cancer-causing cigarette and leave the jewel alone?

01:03:47.000 Me?

01:03:48.000 Yeah.

01:03:48.000 When do I stop at all?

01:03:49.000 No, sometimes he smokes cigarettes.

01:03:51.000 May 18th, 2020. New Canadian study reportedly says marijuana may prevent the coronavirus.

01:03:58.000 Aha! 0.94

01:03:59.000 Yeah, it said that they had, like, one strain of a sativa, I believe.

01:04:02.000 I remember reading this back then, that, like, might have some...

01:04:06.000 I don't know if I believe that.

01:04:09.000 Let's study this though.

01:04:10.000 Please study it. 0.83

01:04:11.000 This is probably dumb, but when you smoke anything, marijuana, cigarettes, whatever, does that go into your bloodstream or just your lungs? 0.97

01:04:21.000 It goes into your bloodstream from your lungs. 0.99

01:04:23.000 Yeah.

01:04:24.000 Strong objection to the believe treatment has been extended to the source for Dr. Kovaluk's report.

01:04:32.000 The source is who wrote this actually.

01:04:33.000 This is posted in the source blog magazine.

01:04:36.000 Oh, okay.

01:04:37.000 I understand.

01:04:37.000 Not like the source.

01:04:39.000 Right.

01:04:40.000 But strong objection.

01:04:41.000 Like, look at that.

01:04:42.000 Look at the post that says at the bottom again.

01:04:44.000 Go back to the bottom part.

01:04:46.000 Strong objection to the believe treatment has been extended to the source for Dr. Kovlux.

01:04:51.000 But that doesn't mean anything.

01:04:52.000 Why does it say Shabia Allah at the bottom?

01:04:56.000 I don't know.

01:04:56.000 Yeah, I mean, someone reached out and said that's not true.

01:04:59.000 About the author?

01:04:59.000 That's the author's name, I guess.

01:05:01.000 No, no, no.

01:05:01.000 I mean, someone...

01:05:02.000 Well, it says about the author, Shabi Allah.

01:05:05.000 That's what she's talking about.

01:05:06.000 Oh, that's their name.

01:05:07.000 I was saying this.

01:05:07.000 I know, we're talking about different things.

01:05:09.000 But it's a strong objection to the believe treatment has been extended to the source for Dr. Kovalchuk's work.

01:05:17.000 But strong objection, what was the objection?

01:05:19.000 And who is it from?

01:05:21.000 Why would you just, that one sentence is like a weird sentence.

01:05:24.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:05:25.000 Isn't it weird to put that at the end of a thing?

01:05:27.000 Strong objection to the believe treatment?

01:05:29.000 So it's pretty much saying like, this is not real.

01:05:33.000 Well, it's not saying that, though.

01:05:36.000 It's saying someone's strong objection to the belief treatment has been extended.

01:05:40.000 That's what it's saying.

01:05:41.000 So someone objected, but they're not saying who objected.

01:05:45.000 They're not saying what they said.

01:05:46.000 Is that kind of like nine out of ten doctors recommend this, and there's that one doctor who's like, hmm, Colgate, not for me.

01:05:53.000 That's maybe who he is.

01:05:54.000 Maybe it's Dr. Colgate.

01:05:56.000 Okay, Jamie's Googling it.

01:05:57.000 Turn on the fan.

01:06:00.000 Posting this, it got posted like clickbait when it first came out. 0.98

01:06:03.000 So people were like, oh, okay, yeah, the weedheads, everyone wants weed to be the fucking thing that fixes it. 0.98

01:06:07.000 Of course they do. 0.99

01:06:09.000 You think that's real?

01:06:10.000 No.

01:06:11.000 You think it's real?

01:06:11.000 No, I don't.

01:06:12.000 No, it doesn't sound right.

01:06:14.000 Um, can you turn the fan on please?

01:06:16.000 We have a fan that sucks all the smoke out of here.

01:06:19.000 You don't have to think about it.

01:06:20.000 Ready?

01:06:20.000 Here it goes.

01:06:22.000 We thought of everything.

01:06:23.000 I know.

01:06:24.000 Just sucks it out of here.

01:06:25.000 You really have this all down to a science.

01:06:27.000 How many years has it been since you first started?

01:06:29.000 Eleven.

01:06:30.000 Eleven.

01:06:31.000 Yeah.

01:06:32.000 I love doing this, playing the game of how old was I? You were a baby.

01:06:36.000 I was a baby, yeah.

01:06:37.000 I think I was like...

01:06:37.000 Yeah, you were in high school.

01:06:38.000 Yeah.

01:06:39.000 Yeah.

01:06:40.000 Weird.

01:06:41.000 No TikTok back then, though, huh?

01:06:43.000 What a shame.

01:06:44.000 So boring.

01:06:44.000 I know.

01:06:45.000 You could have been a TikTok superstar.

01:06:46.000 I know.

01:06:46.000 Maybe you would have got started being professional TikTokers.

01:06:49.000 Because some people who are just professional TikTokers, they actually make a living TikTok-ing.

01:06:55.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:56.000 A good living, too.

01:06:57.000 Dancing.

01:06:57.000 Yeah.

01:06:58.000 Just fucking TikTok-ing. 0.99

01:06:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:00.000 It's all the rage.

01:07:00.000 So what happens?

01:07:01.000 How do you get money?

01:07:03.000 I think you reach enough followers and likes where companies start coming in and being like, we can profit off of putting something in your video and making money off of you.

01:07:13.000 And then apparently, you know, they have enough talent to be in like Super Bowl commercials and whatever.

01:07:19.000 So you...

01:07:21.000 I really like TikTok.

01:07:22.000 I know you do.

01:07:23.000 I can tell.

01:07:24.000 Oh my God, this guy has 79 million.

01:07:26.000 That's the top girl in there. 1.00

01:07:28.000 Who is it?

01:07:30.000 That's Charli D'Amelio.

01:07:33.000 Within seven months?

01:07:34.000 She's like 16?

01:07:35.000 15?

01:07:36.000 16?

01:07:37.000 Her sister has a bunch of followers and now have a YouTube channel.

01:07:39.000 They have a makeup line.

01:07:41.000 Dude.

01:07:42.000 First of all, I apologize for calling her a dude because all I saw was the number.

01:07:46.000 I don't know why I assumed it was a guy.

01:07:48.000 Probably because I'm sexist.

01:07:50.000 But that one in the beginning, that first video that you just played?

01:07:55.000 I don't know.

01:07:55.000 The first one, to the left, where she's TikTok-ing, where she's dancing and moving.

01:07:59.000 In the future, if you were watching a movie that was made in the 1980s about how fucked up the world would be in 2020, and this was something that just millions and millions and millions of people would be into, just seeing people do this...

01:08:14.000 But here's the thing with TikTok.

01:08:16.000 Sure, everyone knows about the dancing and the lip-syncing and whatever.

01:08:21.000 But the thing that I like about TikTok is that your main feed is based on videos you like.

01:08:28.000 So if you're not liking dance videos, you're not going to see dance videos on your feed.

01:08:32.000 Oh, what were you saying?

01:08:33.000 And it's not based on people you follow.

01:08:35.000 This is how old I am and how little I know about TikTok.

01:08:37.000 No, I love this.

01:08:37.000 I thought it was all people doing this.

01:08:38.000 No, I finally get to teach Joe something.

01:08:40.000 They don't?

01:08:41.000 You haven't seen Christina Positsky's curations? 0.71

01:08:43.000 No.

01:08:44.000 She has a whole different version of what TikTok is.

01:08:47.000 Oh my god, her TikTok algorithm scares the shit out of me. 0.73

01:08:50.000 What does she do on TikTok? 0.85

01:08:51.000 She has a TikTok.

01:08:52.000 She posts a lot of YMH clips on there and stuff, but she posts what her feed looks like on her stories on Instagram, and it'll be the most country, bumpkin type of people, no teeth, kissing their brothers and sisters.

01:09:08.000 It's wild.

01:09:09.000 Is that because of stuff she posts?

01:09:11.000 It's because of the stuff that she likes.

01:09:13.000 I think she likes that weird, like, deep, like, southern part of TikTok.

01:09:20.000 That's funny. 1.00

01:09:20.000 Well, they love absurd shit. 1.00

01:09:22.000 Oh, I know. 1.00

01:09:23.000 Your mom's house is such a good podcast, first of all.

01:09:26.000 It's so good.

01:09:26.000 It's the two of them together.

01:09:27.000 You got two literally of the best stand-up comedians on earth that happen to be married to each other.

01:09:32.000 And one of the only arguments, other than, like, there's a few other arguments, like Moshe Kasher and Natasha.

01:09:37.000 Yeah.

01:09:38.000 Leggero.

01:09:39.000 That is a great example of two really talented, really funny, really smart people that it actually works as a marriage.

01:09:45.000 But you don't get too many of those.

01:09:46.000 You get like Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane.

01:09:48.000 That's a good example. 0.99

01:09:49.000 Both fucking hilarious. 1.00

01:09:50.000 Both really smart. 0.99

01:09:51.000 Don't you just want to like spy on them?

01:09:53.000 I always want to like go to their house and be like, what do you guys do when you're not like...

01:09:57.000 They're just funny.

01:09:58.000 I know.

01:09:59.000 They're funny with each other, too.

01:10:00.000 Their podcasts, I don't know if they still do it.

01:10:02.000 Are they still doing that podcast?

01:10:04.000 It was on Sirius.

01:10:06.000 I'm calling it a podcast, but it was on satellite radio.

01:10:10.000 I remember stopping in the parking lot once at Disneyland and listening to it.

01:10:17.000 I had to go inside.

01:10:19.000 I had to go get something from the car.

01:10:22.000 My wife hates me. 0.95

01:10:23.000 Is it still on?

01:10:24.000 Is it on...

01:10:28.000 Sorry, this is so disjointed, folks.

01:10:29.000 This is a podcast.

01:10:30.000 This says it's on the Riotcast Network, which I think...

01:10:32.000 The newest episode came out last month.

01:10:35.000 So is it on iTunes and all that stuff, too?

01:10:37.000 Seems like it, yeah.

01:10:37.000 I don't know.

01:10:38.000 But anyway, I remember parking in my car and just sat in the car for five minutes listening to how the story finished out.

01:10:44.000 Yeah.

01:10:45.000 Because the two of them together, like, Rich is like one of the best guys ever at taking a joke. 0.88

01:10:50.000 He's like when on the Opie and Anthony show like he was fantastic at going with it and taking a joke and then when they would fuck with each other like Rich Voss comes from this old-school New York City stand-up world where there's always some shit going on in the crowd There's always some people that are causing a ruckus. 0.91

01:11:10.000 There's always and he's just a master at handling shit like that just so Relaxed, under pressure, and work in the crowd. 0.95

01:11:20.000 Rich Voss is a master crowd work guy. 0.97

01:11:22.000 And Big Jay Oakerson.

01:11:24.000 Masterful.

01:11:24.000 Big Jay's a master.

01:11:25.000 It's such a skill outside of stand-up.

01:11:27.000 Just jokes.

01:11:28.000 Did you see what happened to Big Jay last night?

01:11:30.000 Yeah, who fell off the stage?

01:11:32.000 He got yanked off the stage.

01:11:34.000 What happened? 1.00

01:11:34.000 It said that he was talking shit to a girl in the crowd, and that was the boyfriend. 1.00

01:11:38.000 He got pissed. 1.00

01:11:39.000 What?

01:11:40.000 That's what happened?

01:11:41.000 That's what I read.

01:11:41.000 Is he okay?

01:11:43.000 I think so.

01:11:44.000 Dude, that looked horrible. 1.00

01:11:46.000 He's a funny fucking dude. 0.99

01:11:48.000 Big J is very funny. 0.99

01:11:50.000 His stand-up comedy album is excellent.

01:11:53.000 It's really funny.

01:11:54.000 Yeah, that's like one of those skills that I'm like, what?

01:11:58.000 Well, he's a great storyteller too, you know?

01:12:00.000 So, oh, that's funny.

01:12:03.000 Thank you all the well wishes.

01:12:05.000 As you can see, I'm all good.

01:12:08.000 Mad chillin'.

01:12:09.000 Oh my god, he's funny.

01:12:10.000 Those guys, all those Legion of Skanks guys, they are, they're doing like comedy for savages. 1.00

01:12:17.000 Oh yeah. 0.87

01:12:18.000 Only savages.

01:12:19.000 Yeah.

01:12:19.000 Like just even the name, Legion of Skanks, you know?

01:12:22.000 It's a dirty crowd. 0.93

01:12:23.000 But it's like they're embracing it. 0.91

01:12:25.000 Have you ever gone to a skank fest?

01:12:27.000 I have not.

01:12:28.000 I was supposed to, but then corona hit.

01:12:29.000 Lots of smells.

01:12:31.000 Lots of smells.

01:12:33.000 Lots of smells.

01:12:34.000 That's what stands out to me. 1.00

01:12:36.000 Goddamn comedy. 0.99

01:12:37.000 And I went once when I was in New York. 0.99

01:12:40.000 I did some shows and it was like they did it like in the dead heat of summer.

01:12:45.000 So everyone's sweating.

01:12:46.000 Everyone has hair everywhere.

01:12:48.000 And it was just the smelliest event.

01:12:50.000 But the most fun, you know, their fans are like so into it and they're like so down for a good time.

01:12:55.000 I think that's why I like the rave cruise because everyone's just so down.

01:12:59.000 Well, it's also people that are just shirking all responsibility.

01:13:03.000 This is it?

01:13:03.000 And just having fun.

01:13:05.000 Okay, so here, Jay's on stage.

01:13:07.000 The guy kick him off the stage?

01:13:09.000 That's what it looks like.

01:13:10.000 I think that was Louis.

01:13:11.000 Jay Gomez, like, watching.

01:13:13.000 Oh, the guy grabbed his leg.

01:13:16.000 Wait, one more time, one more time.

01:13:17.000 So there's a guy grabbing his leg and pulling him off the stage. 1.00

01:13:21.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:13:21.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.99

01:13:21.000 You can get really hurt like that. 0.99

01:13:23.000 Yeah, that's fucked. 1.00

01:13:25.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:13:27.000 I don't know what he said to the dude.

01:13:29.000 Neither do I. I mean, that wasn't published.

01:13:31.000 Crazy.

01:13:31.000 But there's no excuse for that, sir.

01:13:33.000 Have you ever been beat up performing?

01:13:35.000 No, I have not.

01:13:35.000 No.

01:13:37.000 It's always possible.

01:13:39.000 Do you kind of like almost, not when you're performing, but do you almost like want a fight to initiate so you can like prove your skills?

01:13:45.000 No.

01:13:46.000 No.

01:13:46.000 I do.

01:13:47.000 No.

01:13:48.000 I don't want anybody to get hurt.

01:13:50.000 I just want to have fun.

01:13:51.000 I almost got into a fight at the park.

01:13:54.000 I started skating during lockdown.

01:13:56.000 Skateboarding.

01:13:57.000 Yeah.

01:13:58.000 You any good?

01:13:59.000 You know, I've gotten better.

01:14:00.000 Are you shredding?

01:14:01.000 I'm shredding. 0.99

01:14:02.000 I'm fucking ripping it up out there. 0.95

01:14:03.000 Do you do it on TikTok? 0.96

01:14:04.000 Is that a section of TikTok?

01:14:04.000 I do put it on TikTok, yeah.

01:14:05.000 You do?

01:14:06.000 Yeah.

01:14:06.000 None of my videos go viral.

01:14:08.000 I'm too old.

01:14:10.000 Maybe if I was skating and dancing at the same time, it would work.

01:14:13.000 It's like, age on TikTok is like, there's a certain age, I would imagine, where it gets cool again.

01:14:19.000 Like when your 90-year-old grandma's on TikTok, you're like, that's cool.

01:14:23.000 That's my feed.

01:14:24.000 There's like 90-year-old grandmas who their grandkids are telling them what to do.

01:14:28.000 But like guys my age, 53-year-old guys TikTok dancing?

01:14:32.000 They're on there, and it's frightening.

01:14:34.000 No, they're doing this stuff?

01:14:35.000 Yes.

01:14:35.000 Now, where did this come from?

01:14:36.000 Where is this TikTok-y movement? 0.98

01:14:40.000 Honestly, it's the dumbest, because there's that girl, Charlie, who has so many fans, she is a dancer. 0.96

01:14:47.000 She grew up dancing, so she knows how to dance, but TikTok warps your brain into doing the most bare minimum type of dances. 0.98

01:14:54.000 It'll be like, they'll do a song, and in the song, it'll say, my heart beats, and then the dance is like...

01:15:01.000 You're pretty much doing, like, interpretive dance and then making it a trend.

01:15:05.000 You know, it's not like skilled dancing where you're like, wow, it's just like...

01:15:09.000 Who would have ever thought that that interpretive dance...

01:15:13.000 Like, I've got an app I want to put on the App Store.

01:15:16.000 Guys, I'm telling you this is going to be huge.

01:15:18.000 Well, what is it?

01:15:19.000 It's interpretive dance. 0.99

01:15:20.000 Get the fuck out of my office. 1.00

01:15:21.000 Why do you keep bringing these morons in here? 1.00

01:15:23.000 No one wants to do interpretive dance. 1.00

01:15:25.000 There's a market for it.

01:15:26.000 My heart beats.

01:15:28.000 And then, this is what I don't like about TikTok, is that there's these young...

01:15:32.000 Everyone's on it. 1.00

01:15:34.000 And there's young people, there's old people, but, like, there'll be songs that are like, yeah, suck my dick and blah, blah, blah. 0.99

01:15:40.000 And then the dance to that is, like, you're putting your hand above where a dick would be, and then you're doing, like, a bouncing motion. 1.00

01:15:48.000 And there's, like, 13-year-old girls doing this. 0.97

01:15:51.000 And I'm just like, ah, there's...

01:15:54.000 There's creepy people, and I want to stop it, but you can't.

01:15:59.000 And I've also been a middle schooler on weird websites where there's creepy dudes.

01:16:05.000 There's this website called Omegle, and you can talk to complete strangers.

01:16:09.000 It's kind of like chat roulette.

01:16:11.000 And I was on that when I was in middle school, and now that I'm an adult, I'm like, why was I ever on there?

01:16:16.000 You know who does those kind of stings where they pretend that they're a little kid and then set people up?

01:16:23.000 Yeah.

01:16:24.000 Set up pedophiles?

01:16:26.000 Shaquille O'Neal.

01:16:27.000 What?

01:16:28.000 Yes.

01:16:29.000 Wait, he dresses like a girl? 0.98

01:16:30.000 No, he goes on chat rooms and pretends he's a young girl.

01:16:34.000 Like for fun?

01:16:36.000 No, to catch pedophiles.

01:16:38.000 Whoa.

01:16:39.000 Yeah, he was telling me he did that.

01:16:40.000 He's like a legit sheriff's deputy.

01:16:44.000 Yeah, where is Shaquille O'Neal?

01:16:45.000 He's like a sheriff's deputy or something.

01:16:47.000 I don't know if he still is.

01:16:48.000 And he's also a DJ? He's also the biggest human I've ever met in my life.

01:16:52.000 He's a giant.

01:16:53.000 He's so big.

01:16:54.000 He did Fear Factor with me, and it was like me, like I was with my dad.

01:16:58.000 I was like a six-year-old with his dad.

01:17:00.000 He's so big.

01:17:02.000 He's like, three, two, one, go! 1.00

01:17:05.000 He has to have a huge dick, right? 1.00

01:17:07.000 Even if it's regular size, he's so big, it has to be ridiculous. 1.00

01:17:10.000 Yeah.

01:17:11.000 When he did that, he was still in the NBA. That was in 2005 in Roanoke, Virginia.

01:17:17.000 But he is a resident in Georgia where he is an honorary deputy in Clayton County.

01:17:24.000 Yeah.

01:17:24.000 But honorary deputy, that's like being an honorary graduate student from USC. Yes.

01:17:30.000 It's not totally legit.

01:17:32.000 He's not like, you know, whipping out a pistol and driving down the freeway.

01:17:36.000 You probably have to do something.

01:17:37.000 Yeah.

01:17:38.000 And I think it allows you to carry a gun in a lot of places you couldn't ordinarily.

01:17:42.000 He said he's actually going to run for sheriff, but this was a couple years ago, so this would be now.

01:17:46.000 He's a super nice guy.

01:17:48.000 He's so big though.

01:17:51.000 It's interesting that a guy that big is actually too big for fighting.

01:17:56.000 Because the UFC doesn't have a super heavyweight weight class.

01:17:59.000 Look at the size of him!

01:18:00.000 Oh my god!

01:18:02.000 His head looks so small.

01:18:04.000 It's because it's far away.

01:18:07.000 There's a guy who makes him look small?

01:18:08.000 Yeah, I'll show you a picture of it.

01:18:09.000 What? 0.98

01:18:10.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

01:18:13.000 Yeah, humans come in all sorts of sizes. 0.99

01:18:15.000 We're like dogs.

01:18:16.000 Yeah.

01:18:17.000 That's how I like going to the spa, like the Korean spa.

01:18:20.000 Because you get to see everyone naked and you're like, oh, my body's not that weird.

01:18:23.000 What's that gentleman's name?

01:18:24.000 Yao Ming.

01:18:25.000 And how tall is Yao?

01:18:26.000 7'7", 7'6", somewhere in there.

01:18:29.000 That is crazy. 1.00

01:18:30.000 Damn. 1.00

01:18:31.000 7'7". 1.00

01:18:32.000 For China. 0.89

01:18:33.000 He made China big, huge in the NBA. And this was him and the smallest guy in the NBA. Wow.

01:18:39.000 That guy's so cute.

01:18:41.000 That's crazy.

01:18:43.000 He's so enormous.

01:18:45.000 Genetics are weird.

01:18:47.000 It's interesting that he's Chinese, because there's a bunch of really tall guys from China, right?

01:18:52.000 A few.

01:18:54.000 There's quite a few.

01:18:55.000 When did that start?

01:18:56.000 When did dudes from China start being giant?

01:19:01.000 And coordinated?

01:19:02.000 I don't know.

01:19:03.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:19:04.000 Like, if you look at, like, specific body types, there's, like, places that you recognize as having, like, enormous body types.

01:19:11.000 That's why I was saying that, because they're, and coordinated, I added, because it would be going to, like, scouting and recruiting, because you would have to, there's a movie Shaq was in called Blue Chips in the 90s that, like, You went and found the guy, which is what they do in the NBA now.

01:19:25.000 You can make some guy from Africa, for instance, who doesn't know how to play like the Antetokounmpo brothers who came from Africa and went to Greece.

01:19:34.000 Tall, giant, skinny, uncoordinated, but have athletic ability way more than anybody could ever do.

01:19:41.000 So if you can get them to shoot a little bit, get them practicing shooting, they can be the best basketball player of all time, which you're seeing actually right now with one of them.

01:19:48.000 He's only like 24. And he is, they call him the Greek freak, he's an insane basketball player.

01:19:54.000 And his little brothers are now getting recruited and put on every team.

01:19:57.000 Interesting.

01:19:58.000 If you find somebody deep in like I don't know where they're finding people in China, but there's probably some people deep in Russia or who knows where.

01:20:05.000 Yeah, I wonder what that is, though.

01:20:06.000 What is it about a certain group of people?

01:20:09.000 When you see people from Iceland and those giant strongman competition dudes, so many of them are from Iceland.

01:20:16.000 But that makes sense.

01:20:18.000 Look at the size of that dude with The Rock!

01:20:19.000 The Rock is so big, you don't realize how ridiculous that picture is unless you've actually been around The Rock.

01:20:25.000 Are you guys friends?

01:20:26.000 I know them.

01:20:27.000 I've met them.

01:20:28.000 But you're not like, what's up, bro?

01:20:30.000 I mean, I hug him when I see him just because I respect him and I love him a lot.

01:20:33.000 Is he tall?

01:20:34.000 He's enormous.

01:20:34.000 He's like 6'9".

01:20:35.000 Oh, really?

01:20:36.000 He's so big.

01:20:37.000 Oh.

01:20:37.000 He's a cartoon.

01:20:38.000 You meet him, you're like, how are you a real thing?

01:20:40.000 Yeah.

01:20:40.000 He's so big.

01:20:41.000 Like, he's so jacked, too.

01:20:43.000 What a crazy career trajectory.

01:20:45.000 Listen, that guy works hard.

01:20:47.000 He works hard.

01:20:49.000 When you look at someone like The Rock, are you like, I need to stop my game?

01:20:52.000 Yes, always.

01:20:53.000 Always.

01:20:54.000 Look at that. 0.99

01:20:54.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

01:20:56.000 Look at his body. 1.00

01:20:57.000 That's too much.

01:20:58.000 No, no, no.

01:20:59.000 That's the right amount.

01:21:00.000 Six-six?

01:21:00.000 I like scrawny little, like, lanky...

01:21:03.000 And he wears cowboy boots, too, or some shit. 0.99

01:21:05.000 He's so big. 0.99

01:21:06.000 But he's also, like, insanely disciplined.

01:21:09.000 He's not just an enormous human being from just being born big.

01:21:13.000 He's insanely disciplined.

01:21:14.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:21:15.000 I mean, you follow his Instagram feed, you feel really fucking lazy.

01:21:19.000 That up one, back up where you were, where you just were, there was a grid of images. 0.86

01:21:25.000 Oh my god.

01:21:27.000 Yeah, seriously.

01:21:28.000 Scroll down to that one where he doesn't have a shirt, keep going, right there, the one with the plate. 1.00

01:21:31.000 What the fuck, son? 1.00

01:21:33.000 Jesus, that's insane. 1.00

01:21:36.000 That makes me uncomfortable.

01:21:38.000 Years and years and years and years and years and years of grinding.

01:21:43.000 That's what that is.

01:21:44.000 You don't get built like that.

01:21:45.000 Like, sure, there's some Mexican supplements involved in there.

01:21:47.000 And sure, there's some genetics.

01:21:49.000 But you gotta work to get a body like that.

01:21:53.000 But why do you need that body? 1.00

01:21:56.000 Shut your mouth, woman. 1.00

01:21:57.000 What's the point of having it? 1.00

01:21:58.000 Oh my god, you're such a girl.

01:22:00.000 What does he need to do?

01:22:02.000 He wants to be the ultimate man.

01:22:04.000 Look at him.

01:22:04.000 For what?

01:22:05.000 What are you talking about?

01:22:06.000 Take some days off.

01:22:07.000 Chill.

01:22:08.000 Are you kidding me?

01:22:10.000 The ultimate man.

01:22:11.000 Look at him.

01:22:11.000 I guess.

01:22:12.000 It's a fucking perfect specimen. 1.00

01:22:13.000 For some people. 1.00

01:22:14.000 How dare you?

01:22:15.000 I'm sorry.

01:22:16.000 What are you into?

01:22:17.000 Like real emo guys who cough a lot?

01:22:19.000 Yes.

01:22:19.000 I like weak, fragile boys.

01:22:22.000 Yes.

01:22:23.000 On scrawny men who want to be the baby spoon. 0.99

01:22:28.000 I want to be Mama Spoon.

01:22:29.000 Let me warm you up.

01:22:31.000 Guys who are always cold.

01:22:34.000 I think I'm sick.

01:22:35.000 Check my forehead.

01:22:36.000 Oh my god, yeah.

01:22:38.000 Meanwhile, look at him. 0.99

01:22:40.000 Look at this fucking build on that man. 1.00

01:22:44.000 That's a man! 1.00

01:22:46.000 That's a specimen.

01:22:48.000 I get it.

01:22:49.000 You're into TikTokers. 0.95

01:22:50.000 Yeah.

01:22:53.000 Oh my god.

01:22:54.000 Yeah, I mean it's a crazy thing to be like insanely dedicated to and it's also...

01:22:58.000 Yeah.

01:22:59.000 I mean the amount of effort that that guy has to put out to keep his body looking like that.

01:23:03.000 The effort's insane.

01:23:04.000 If you ever worked out, you realize like just to maintain that all the time like that, the way he does.

01:23:09.000 Yeah.

01:23:09.000 That's insane.

01:23:10.000 Can I go peer?

01:23:11.000 Does that kill the vibe?

01:23:12.000 No, no, no.

01:23:12.000 Not at all.

01:23:13.000 I got a...

01:23:14.000 This is a TikTok conspiracy thing I like read about.

01:23:18.000 I'd like to pass it by you and let you know if you think it's like...

01:23:21.000 Okay.

01:23:22.000 If this makes sense.

01:23:23.000 Because there's a lot of kids on there, they figure out how that algorithm works to help themselves get bigger on it or whatnot.

01:23:30.000 So they say that if you start a new account, one of the first things they'll do with one of your first couple posts is they'll almost make it go viral.

01:23:37.000 So they'll...

01:23:38.000 I don't know how they send it out to more people or whatnot.

01:23:41.000 But you have a video that then baits you back in.

01:23:45.000 Whereas most people have not had the chance to go viral or have their 15 seconds of fame online.

01:23:51.000 So they'll give it to you like a little drug dealer and give you that dopamine.

01:23:54.000 So now you come back and keep trying to do it again and trying and trying and trying.

01:23:59.000 And it worked.

01:24:00.000 I mean, it may or may not have worked.

01:24:03.000 That makes sense.

01:24:04.000 I mean, they're trying to rope you in.

01:24:06.000 The best way to rope you in is give you some success, right?

01:24:09.000 I mean, they're not giving you money, but no one...

01:24:12.000 Well, don't you think that in a way...

01:24:14.000 Well, I guess it's not really comparable.

01:24:16.000 I was talking about the Apple algorithm they use for podcasts, where the new...

01:24:21.000 It's probably similar a little bit, because the way you first started, yeah, they'll shoot you up to the top, so you can be like, we have the most successful podcast, and we just started?

01:24:29.000 That's amazing.

01:24:30.000 Let's keep at this thing.

01:24:31.000 And then, once the algorithm...

01:24:33.000 It's a weird algorithm, like it tricks you.

01:24:35.000 Because if you have a new podcast, what are the specifics?

01:24:39.000 Do we know the specifics?

01:24:40.000 No one knows, so it's just guessing.

01:24:42.000 That's interesting.

01:24:43.000 Trying things out to figure out, like, this actually works.

01:24:45.000 It's funny how people like Apple and also things like Netflix.

01:24:50.000 Like Netflix, you never have any idea what the numbers are.

01:24:56.000 What number of people are viewing things.

01:24:58.000 It doesn't say it like a YouTube clip does.

01:25:00.000 You have to kind of guess.

01:25:01.000 They know, but they don't tell anybody.

01:25:03.000 But it's kind of the same thing in a way.

01:25:06.000 I've seen people say the NBA ratings are way down right now.

01:25:10.000 These are almost preseason games.

01:25:12.000 A lot of people watch the last two games of the regular season anyway.

01:25:16.000 The games have already been figured out next week when the playoffs start, then check the ratings and see where they're at.

01:25:22.000 But it's interesting to me when you have no idea what the algorithm is, whether it's the iTunes podcast algorithm or Netflix's algorithm.

01:25:31.000 You really don't know.

01:25:32.000 They know.

01:25:32.000 When we were kids, we thought TRL was people calling and voting to make the most popular video on MTV every day.

01:25:38.000 That wasn't happening.

01:25:39.000 Dude, how crazy was Rob Lowe saying that he was on the worst show on television, meaning it was the least rated show on television, and it was 19 million people watched it?

01:25:48.000 Yeah.

01:25:49.000 That's because there wasn't any TikToks back then.

01:25:51.000 But how bonkers is that?

01:25:53.000 Yeah.

01:25:54.000 And that was, what was that, the 80s?

01:25:55.000 Yeah.

01:25:56.000 Yeah.

01:25:58.000 I think so.

01:25:58.000 19 million now, you'd be for sure the biggest hit on any TV. Well, we decided, right?

01:26:02.000 Didn't we look at it?

01:26:03.000 I think so, yeah.

01:26:03.000 We found NCIS is like number one and that has like 15 million.

01:26:07.000 Crazy.

01:26:08.000 Which sounds like an enormous number.

01:26:10.000 Yeah.

01:26:10.000 The fact that 19 million, which was the worst rated show, would be the biggest, most highly rated show now.

01:26:18.000 Yeah.

01:26:19.000 That's because there's so many different ways to watch things.

01:26:22.000 So much content.

01:26:23.000 Speaking of content, don't you have a podcast?

01:26:25.000 I do have a podcast.

01:26:26.000 Oh, how about that segue?

01:26:27.000 Thank you.

01:26:28.000 You're a professional.

01:26:29.000 Yeah, I have a podcast called Resting Bitch. 0.92

01:26:34.000 It's perfect. 0.73

01:26:35.000 That's what it's called.

01:26:36.000 But I made the mistake.

01:26:37.000 I didn't know.

01:26:37.000 I just, like, went into it.

01:26:39.000 I'm like, I have a resting bitch face, I have a resting bitch voice, like, and I'm going to be doing it on a couch and I look like I'm resting bitch, you know? 1.00

01:26:45.000 Right. 1.00

01:26:46.000 And, oh, look at that. 1.00

01:26:47.000 Resting bitch with Alan Wachowski. 1.00

01:26:49.000 He's the best. 1.00

01:26:50.000 He's the best.

01:26:51.000 There you go.

01:26:52.000 So, yeah, I have that podcast.

01:26:53.000 Oh, remember when I used to do shows?

01:26:55.000 Oh.

01:26:55.000 Dan.

01:26:56.000 Annie practically.

01:26:58.000 Oh, Annie.

01:26:58.000 Annie assaulted me on this episode.

01:27:00.000 She tried to eat me out. 1.00

01:27:01.000 I love her.

01:27:02.000 Me too.

01:27:03.000 She's so funny.

01:27:05.000 She's awesome in that they're doing a Comedy Store documentary.

01:27:08.000 I gotta see a clip with her in it. 1.00

01:27:10.000 I'm nervous.

01:27:11.000 I'm supposed to be in that.

01:27:13.000 We'll see.

01:27:13.000 I'm nervous.

01:27:14.000 But yeah, I do that podcast from my producer Anthony's house and yeah, it's fun.

01:27:21.000 That's awesome. 0.70

01:27:21.000 Yeah, but because it has the word bitch in the title, it doesn't pop up right away. 0.70

01:27:26.000 Oh no. 0.95

01:27:27.000 Yeah, I made the mistake.

01:27:29.000 Whatever, next podcast.

01:27:31.000 The Ally Makovsky Experience.

01:27:33.000 So did they censor that?

01:27:35.000 I don't think they censor it.

01:27:36.000 I just think on YouTube, it's not going to be top of the recommended or something. 0.95

01:27:41.000 Because of the word bitch? 1.00

01:27:42.000 Yeah, but also because it's not the most poppin' thing. 0.97

01:27:45.000 But it's definitely a little bit hidden.

01:27:47.000 Not shadow banned, but...

01:27:49.000 You could just call it Resting B. Yeah, Resting B Pod. 1.00

01:27:52.000 Or just call it your fucking name, kid. 1.00

01:27:56.000 That's the easiest way. 0.99

01:27:57.000 Because I think, like, I like names of shows that are interesting, but if I want to see the Joey Diaz show, I want to see the Joey Diaz show.

01:28:05.000 Where's the Joey Diaz show?

01:28:07.000 I don't care what you call it.

01:28:08.000 What is it?

01:28:08.000 Yeah, Joey Diaz.

01:28:10.000 It's the fucking canoe on top of the house. 0.99

01:28:12.000 What? 1.00

01:28:12.000 That's the name of my show, the canoe on top of the house. 1.00

01:28:15.000 Is he moving to?

01:28:15.000 He is moving to.

01:28:17.000 He's moving to New Jersey.

01:28:19.000 Ugh.

01:28:19.000 Yeah.

01:28:21.000 Everyone's going.

01:28:22.000 I give them a year of ice and snow.

01:28:25.000 That's what I said about you.

01:28:26.000 Really?

01:28:27.000 Yeah.

01:28:27.000 You give me a year?

01:28:28.000 Yeah.

01:28:28.000 We'll see what's up.

01:28:29.000 I don't know.

01:28:30.000 I feel, are you keeping your place out here?

01:28:32.000 Yeah.

01:28:33.000 Okay, yeah.

01:28:34.000 That's good.

01:28:34.000 Good.

01:28:35.000 For now.

01:28:36.000 Okay.

01:28:36.000 We'll see.

01:28:37.000 Yeah.

01:28:38.000 So it's just vacant?

01:28:39.000 That means like if someone, one of your friends who's like 24. I got people.

01:28:44.000 Yeah.

01:28:44.000 Okay.

01:28:46.000 This is a weird state right now.

01:28:47.000 It is weird.

01:28:48.000 I don't know what to do.

01:28:49.000 I keep debating.

01:28:49.000 I'm like, do I move in with my parents?

01:28:51.000 Do I stay at my place?

01:28:53.000 Well, it's never a bad thing to be with other folks.

01:28:56.000 Especially if you don't mind it and you actually enjoy being around them. 0.93

01:28:59.000 Because this is like a fucking strange time. 0.95

01:29:01.000 People need help. 0.99

01:29:03.000 Sometimes people are sick and they don't want to admit it.

01:29:05.000 And you gotta go, hey, are you okay? 0.97

01:29:07.000 And you gotta fucking get them to the hospital as quick as you can. 0.98

01:29:10.000 Wait, what do you mean? 0.99

01:29:11.000 Old people that get coronavirus.

01:29:13.000 Yeah.

01:29:14.000 Are you saying my parents?

01:29:15.000 Anybody.

01:29:16.000 Not just you, but anybody.

01:29:17.000 Like, living with your parents is not a bad move.

01:29:19.000 Yeah.

01:29:20.000 But the problem is you have to be really responsible with what you do.

01:29:24.000 There's a lot of kids that want to live with their parents and then they want to go party. 0.97

01:29:27.000 Like, you could kill your parents. 1.00

01:29:29.000 Like, that shit is happening to people. 1.00

01:29:31.000 There was a 21-year-old kid who came home and gave it to his dad. 1.00

01:29:34.000 His dad was in the fucking ICU. I would feel so guilty. 1.00

01:29:39.000 Didn't know.

01:29:39.000 Probably didn't even know he had it.

01:29:41.000 I had a friend I was with who tested positive and I'm like, that sucks because then you have to act like you have an STD or something and text her, hey, we had a really good time last week but I have some bad news.

01:29:51.000 You gotta get tested.

01:29:53.000 Yeah.

01:29:54.000 People have done that at parties.

01:29:55.000 They're having these influencer parties.

01:29:58.000 And, you know, they just go buck wild, no masks, start drinking.

01:30:01.000 Yeah.

01:30:02.000 There was a video, like, apparently they have houses.

01:30:04.000 This is a thing, like, influencers get houses.

01:30:06.000 Yeah.

01:30:06.000 And then they do parties.

01:30:08.000 Jamie's laughing, because it's like I'm learning about fire.

01:30:10.000 So you hit sticks, you rub them, you make fire, it's warmer.

01:30:16.000 I joked about the Hype House this weekend, and I was totally making a joke, and she's like, yeah, that's where they live. 0.82

01:30:20.000 I was like, oh, I don't even know why I know that that's a thing, but it's a thing.

01:30:24.000 So there's a bunch of people doing that now.

01:30:27.000 They get houses.

01:30:28.000 Yeah.

01:30:28.000 I mean, they go crazy.

01:30:29.000 My sister just had her bachelorette party, but everyone got tested before we stayed in the Airbnb the whole time.

01:30:39.000 So I think there's ways of doing it that are okay.

01:30:42.000 Yeah.

01:30:43.000 There's ways of doing it that are okay. 0.91

01:30:46.000 You can't be drinking and fucking jumping on top of each other in the pool and, you know, there's 190,000 of you. 0.96

01:30:53.000 I mean, they're having these fucking parties with like 200 people jammed into a house and everybody's breathing each other's air. 0.99

01:30:59.000 Where's my invite, Charli D'Amelio? 0.99

01:31:01.000 COVID parties are a pandemic urban legend that won't go away.

01:31:05.000 Oh, but that's what people trying to catch it.

01:31:07.000 Right, that's what you said.

01:31:07.000 Just so there's a clarification on that that people don't think...

01:31:10.000 Well, that's a different thing. 0.94

01:31:12.000 What we're talking about is influencer parties where they don't give a fuck about the rules. 0.64

01:31:16.000 Leonardo DiCaprio had a party on his yacht and everyone was wearing cowboy hats and I'm pretty sure he stole my COVID cowboy theme.

01:31:25.000 At least I'm gonna say that.

01:31:26.000 That sounds very schizophrenic and probably don't mention that in public.

01:31:30.000 No, Leo's watching.

01:31:31.000 He's aware of what I'm talking about. 0.97

01:31:33.000 These COVID parties where people are trying to catch COVID, that's bullshit though, right? 0.96

01:31:38.000 Yeah, but these aren't. 0.88

01:31:39.000 Remember, I was telling you, they were saying there's like these giant L.A. Hollywood Hills mansion parties that are going to start shutting down.

01:31:45.000 These were on TV. They had like...

01:31:48.000 The cameras that are usually doing the high-speed chases, they were like watching these.

01:31:52.000 Well, my, yeah, that thing's weird because the mayor, rather, is going to shut off the power and shut off the water to these people, right?

01:32:02.000 There's a certain amount of houses, I think, that no one lives in.

01:32:04.000 They're just normally rented out for houses for parties in general, and they're probably, people were just like, oh, we're going to use one of those.

01:32:10.000 That was like what Bilzerian was doing, right? 1.00

01:32:12.000 Yeah, he rented this big giant-ass house in Bel Air and he'd have these big crazy influencer parties.

01:32:18.000 People get real mad. 0.50

01:32:19.000 Yeah. 0.82

01:32:20.000 If you live in these neighborhoods and you're a regular person with a regular life, and then all of a sudden an influencer party moves in next door, and all day long they're just blasting music and fucking smoking weed, and you're like, oh no!

01:32:34.000 Yeah, well I remember Jake and Logan Paul used to have a house right by the improv.

01:32:39.000 Yes.

01:32:39.000 And kids would just show up at their house.

01:32:41.000 There would be like, it looked like a block party.

01:32:43.000 There were all these teenage girls.

01:32:45.000 Yelling out their window.

01:32:46.000 And all the neighbors were like, we're just trying to live. 1.00

01:32:48.000 Yeah, they fucked up. 0.99

01:32:50.000 And now that one of the brothers, Jake or Logan, got raided. 1.00

01:32:54.000 His house got raided.

01:32:55.000 I think that was Jake.

01:32:55.000 There were guns everywhere.

01:32:57.000 Yeah, well, he was the guy that was at the Arizona mall.

01:33:00.000 Yeah, looting.

01:33:01.000 Yeah.

01:33:04.000 Whoops.

01:33:05.000 Why people looting is very interesting.

01:33:07.000 It's not good. 0.99

01:33:12.000 Yeah, it's weird watching people just steal shit and run out of stores. 0.98

01:33:15.000 You're like, wow, this is so weird. 0.99

01:33:17.000 It's just weird watching.

01:33:18.000 Yeah, it feels very like an apocalyptic movie.

01:33:22.000 It does.

01:33:23.000 Well, it comes out in these big bursts, too.

01:33:27.000 Like what happened in Chicago, these big bursts of looting.

01:33:30.000 And you're watching on television and you're like, this is such a crazy virus that's in the air. 0.99

01:33:34.000 But it's indicative of all these people needing things and being broke as fuck, man. 0.99

01:33:38.000 Like not having any work at all for months and months and months and watch the economy crumble with no like you would steal too I think we would all steal if we were 20 years old and fucked up and You're that that's where you live and everybody else is stealing like let's do it. 0.99

01:33:51.000 Let's fucking do it.

01:33:52.000 You run in that store You know There's a thing that happens to people when there's a bunch of us and things go sideways like chaos big chaos moments and Well, there's always chaos, but it's like somewhat controlled, you know? 0.99

01:34:07.000 The chaos is organized in a way where you feel like there's no chaos and things are smooth.

01:34:11.000 And I think this just kind of cracked it open where it's like, oh, we can just kind of do whatever.

01:34:16.000 Well, the thin veneer of civilization has been exposed.

01:34:21.000 There's some cracks, and you see right through it.

01:34:24.000 And you saw through it during the looting. 0.98

01:34:25.000 In Santa Monica, I was watching this guy run around with a gun, and he's pointing it at people, and this other guy was yelling at him, and he's sticking the gun at him, and then he runs into traffic, and people are honking, this guy's got a gun, and there's just people running out of stores stealing shit. 0.93

01:34:38.000 And I remember watching that video going, whoa, this is Santa Monica? 0.95

01:34:42.000 Yeah.

01:34:43.000 This is wild.

01:34:44.000 There was a movie, and in the movie, a disease spread that made people reckless and wild.

01:34:52.000 And they started stealing and assaulting each other and carrying guns everywhere.

01:34:56.000 It was just a disease that flew through the air.

01:34:58.000 You'd be like, what a crazy movie.

01:35:00.000 Like, this is Santa Monica 2020. Like, meh, meh, fuck. 1.00

01:35:04.000 Santa Monica? 1.00

01:35:05.000 It was like someone had sprayed something in the air that made people hyper-aggressive and reckless and crazy.

01:35:13.000 That's what it seemed like.

01:35:14.000 Because you go into that fight or flight mode.

01:35:16.000 You're like, I don't know what's going to happen.

01:35:17.000 I don't know where I fit into this equation.

01:35:20.000 There's that, but I think there's also something else going on.

01:35:22.000 When they say that term mob mentality, have you ever felt it?

01:35:27.000 For sure.

01:35:27.000 Have you ever been in a place where a fight breaks out at a basketball game or something like that?

01:35:32.000 Anywhere where there's a large group of people and a fight breaks out, there's a crackling in the air.

01:35:38.000 You're ready to stab somebody. 0.97

01:35:39.000 It's nuts. 0.99

01:35:40.000 That's how I felt at the UFC. I was like, I'm taking jiu-jitsu right now.

01:35:44.000 Sign me up.

01:35:46.000 That's a little different. 1.00

01:35:47.000 But I'm talking about lawless shit. 0.99

01:35:49.000 The violence that you see at the UFC is the best substitute because it's completely controlled. 1.00

01:35:54.000 Everybody has a hold of it.

01:35:55.000 There's rules.

01:35:56.000 There's a referee.

01:35:57.000 There's doctors.

01:35:58.000 There's trained fighters.

01:35:59.000 There's so many rules.

01:36:00.000 Yes.

01:36:00.000 It's very well set up and very important.

01:36:02.000 But the thing about it is...

01:36:05.000 That is violence, but it's just violence in the most controlled and safe way.

01:36:10.000 What I'm talking about is lawless violence. 0.97

01:36:12.000 When shit breaks out like a scrap in a parking lot when people are fighting, that's when things are strange. 0.99

01:36:18.000 Because that's that feeling like fucking anything can happen. 1.00

01:36:21.000 Someone can shoot somebody, somebody can run people over. 0.99

01:36:23.000 People generally never run people over on purpose, but they do when they're yelling at each other.

01:36:28.000 Like if you're at a gas station, you see someone fucking run someone over on a YouTube video, you're like, oh my god, like what is happening?

01:36:34.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:36:35.000 They're going sideways.

01:36:36.000 Conflict makes me so anxious.

01:36:38.000 I hate seeing, like, fights or any...

01:36:42.000 Like, it just makes me sweat.

01:36:43.000 Yeah.

01:36:44.000 Well, it's dangerous.

01:36:44.000 Like, verbal altercation stresses me out.

01:36:46.000 I was at a...

01:36:48.000 It turned into a riot where seven or eight...

01:36:51.000 I think 13 cars got flipped over after Ohio State beat Michigan one year.

01:36:55.000 We were headed to the national championship.

01:36:57.000 And you could feel around 4 o'clock when one couch was on fire in the middle of the street that, like...

01:37:03.000 We're in the hornet's nest. 0.99

01:37:04.000 This shit's about to go down later, and it definitely did. 0.99

01:37:06.000 I remember seeing the SWAT team get up at the end of the street, knee-knocker bullets getting blasted out, tear gas, almost like what's been going on now. 0.99

01:37:13.000 This was like 18 years ago.

01:37:15.000 But as you were sort of saying, I was like, actually, that one time after the Conor and Khabib fight, I was in the crowd right where that was happening.

01:37:24.000 For about three minutes, it felt crazy.

01:37:26.000 And then they kind of got a hold of everything and they were like, it's fine, but it felt nuts there for a second.

01:37:31.000 That could have been crazy.

01:37:32.000 It could have been really crazy.

01:37:34.000 That was one of those moments where, you know, those lawless melee moments.

01:37:39.000 That was pretty controlled as far as a lawless melee.

01:37:42.000 There was a bunch of police around or whatever, but just for that little spot, because I was right there and there was some drunk guy next to me.

01:37:47.000 The thing about that one, though, it was so entertaining because it was two of the best fighters in the world involved in post-fight brawls, right?

01:37:56.000 So Connors getting beat up by these dudes who were jumping over the cage.

01:38:00.000 Complete chaos, excitement, and it's just like, hey, we got overtime.

01:38:03.000 But that's what I think kept people from fighting in the crowd.

01:38:06.000 What they were seeing was so entertaining.

01:38:08.000 You don't get in a fight in the middle of a great fight.

01:38:10.000 You get in a fight when something happens and then you decide...

01:38:14.000 It was just weird.

01:38:15.000 It was weird.

01:38:16.000 I was putting myself back in the feeling of like, hold on, the fight's over.

01:38:19.000 And now what's going on around me?

01:38:21.000 This is crazy. 1.00

01:38:21.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:38:22.000 That's the only time I've felt that again. 0.99

01:38:24.000 When the cars were getting flipped, me and my friends, we knew better than to get in it.

01:38:29.000 Doesn't it feel like something changes in the air?

01:38:33.000 Yeah, plus you could smell the tear gas that day, but yeah Yeah, but there's something about like chaos where I think it's because of war I think every human being that's alive today is the descendant of people who are successful in war It just seems like war has always been around right and ever since the first you know really Primitive primates hit each other with rocks and figured out that it's a better way to do it than just biting each other. 0.84

01:39:00.000 You know, the first animal that figured out how to start, you know, attacking other groups and dominate them and gain success and gain their food and gain their women. 0.80

01:39:10.000 They've just been doing that ever since.

01:39:11.000 So we are the people that survived that.

01:39:14.000 I think there's a switch that goes off when there's like a riot, when it's some chaos. 0.99

01:39:19.000 Any fucking thing can happen right now. 0.99

01:39:22.000 And people do shit they would never do. 1.00

01:39:24.000 It's like a melee button that gets hit. 0.76

01:39:29.000 You felt it, right?

01:39:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:31.000 Shit's scary. 1.00

01:39:32.000 And this is what we're seeing as a country. 1.00

01:39:34.000 Like, the whole country hit this melee button.

01:39:36.000 And that's where the looting and the...

01:39:37.000 I mean, people are way more aggressive.

01:39:39.000 I mean, I'm watching people drive different.

01:39:41.000 People just running red lights.

01:39:43.000 Broke people run red lights sometimes. 1.00

01:39:45.000 Like, fucking five months! 1.00

01:39:47.000 They just don't want to stop. 1.00

01:39:50.000 They're cutting people off.

01:39:52.000 I'm watching this lady just pull out of this COVID test place and clip some lady's car. 1.00

01:39:57.000 She was frantic.

01:39:59.000 It does feel like people are more on edge now.

01:40:01.000 100%.

01:40:01.000 Yeah, I think people being inside and this kind of unknown feeling is really causing people to go through a lot of mental anguish.

01:40:10.000 And then we go back to the financial shit. 0.99

01:40:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:13.000 They're like, how do I get out of this?

01:40:15.000 Yeah.

01:40:16.000 How do I get out of this?

01:40:17.000 Yeah.

01:40:18.000 Like, if it's already five months in, and I know this is gonna go on until January, how do I get out of this?

01:40:26.000 Yeah, and it's like when things open up and I can start doing shows again, it's like, but am I gonna be doing enough shows to, like, be, like, am I gonna have to work at a chicken wings restaurant again?

01:40:36.000 I don't know.

01:40:37.000 Are there gonna be real shows anytime soon?

01:40:39.000 When do you think those are gonna happen?

01:40:41.000 When is it gonna be the first show?

01:40:43.000 The first real show in LA? I'm thinking January or February at the earliest.

01:40:48.000 Yeah.

01:40:49.000 That's what I think.

01:40:49.000 Do you think magicians are struggling right now?

01:40:51.000 Do you think they feel the same way? 0.92

01:40:52.000 I think they're killing it. 0.99

01:40:53.000 They're out there killing it.

01:40:54.000 TikTok?

01:40:55.000 TikTok music?

01:40:56.000 Do they have magicians on TikTok?

01:40:59.000 Probably.

01:41:00.000 Seriously, anything you can think of, there's TikToks about it.

01:41:05.000 Is there archery?

01:41:06.000 Probably, yeah.

01:41:08.000 Trick shots could be good on there, yeah. 1.00

01:41:10.000 Oh, there's dudes who do crazy shit. 1.00

01:41:11.000 There's a guy who can shoot a... 1.00

01:41:13.000 What's the circle?

01:41:15.000 Lifesaver.

01:41:16.000 Ping pong out of his coochie?

01:41:17.000 He throws a lifesaver in the air, and he can shoot it and hit it while it's in the air. 0.98

01:41:20.000 What the hell? 0.97

01:41:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:41:22.000 In case you want to kill a bug with your bow.

01:41:23.000 Yeah.

01:41:26.000 Tick-tocking.

01:41:27.000 Tick-tock.

01:41:29.000 Yeah, I think January is probably the earliest we're going to see clubs open up here.

01:41:33.000 Yeah.

01:41:34.000 Because here we are in August.

01:41:35.000 There's no chance.

01:41:37.000 Anytime soon.

01:41:39.000 Oh, archery on TikTok.

01:41:41.000 It's half a billion views for the hashtag archery.

01:41:43.000 Oh, that's crazy.

01:41:45.000 Go dive deep.

01:41:47.000 Archeries.

01:41:47.000 Go to that one right there.

01:41:49.000 Bam.

01:41:49.000 That dude's about to whack that elk.

01:41:51.000 No, he's not.

01:41:52.000 It's too small.

01:41:53.000 He's going to let it go.

01:41:54.000 What do you mean it's too small?

01:41:55.000 That is a big animal, but that's a young elk.

01:41:59.000 You want a big old elk?

01:42:00.000 Well, you don't want to shoot the young ones unless they have an overpopulation of them, and then they give out what they call a spike tag, because they would call that a spike elk.

01:42:08.000 Well, it didn't know he was there.

01:42:11.000 When the elk are horny in particular, which is when you find him in the rut, they scream.

01:42:17.000 You ever heard of Elk Scream?

01:42:19.000 Mm-mm.

01:42:19.000 Go to the Busy Wild Instagram page.

01:42:22.000 There we go.

01:42:23.000 They make the most amazing sound.

01:42:25.000 Or Cameron Haynes.

01:42:26.000 Cameron Haynes has it on his page.

01:42:27.000 Go to Cameron Haynes' Instagram page.

01:42:29.000 There's a video of an elk standing and then screaming.

01:42:35.000 And as it's screaming, the smoke is coming out of its mouth because it's the hot air and the cold air.

01:42:42.000 Cold winter mountain and the hot air coming out of its mouth and you can see it all spraying in the air.

01:42:47.000 No, not that one.

01:42:49.000 There's another one.

01:42:50.000 The one on the far...

01:42:51.000 That's it, right there.

01:42:52.000 Oh my god.

01:42:52.000 Give me some volume.

01:42:54.000 Look at this.

01:43:02.000 Look at that.

01:43:03.000 Yeah.

01:43:04.000 And look at the smoke.

01:43:06.000 The smoke coming out of his mouth.

01:43:08.000 All the steam.

01:43:09.000 I mean, how dope is that?

01:43:10.000 Watch this.

01:43:11.000 That's the king of the mountain. 1.00

01:43:18.000 That big motherfucker is the king of the mountain. 1.00

01:43:20.000 Is that a female or a male? 1.00

01:43:22.000 That's a male.

01:43:23.000 That's a bull. 1.00

01:43:24.000 Damn. 1.00

01:43:24.000 See the antlers? 1.00

01:43:25.000 Those antlers are 100% to let the bitches know and to fuck up other dudes. 1.00

01:43:31.000 That's what they do. 1.00

01:43:32.000 They kill each other with those things all the time. 0.99

01:43:34.000 Crazy. 0.97

01:43:34.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:43:35.000 They run into each other and stab each other with the weapons that nature has bestowed upon them.

01:43:40.000 They grow them out every year and then they fall off.

01:43:44.000 So that?

01:43:45.000 That would fall off.

01:43:47.000 And then new ones would grow in a couple of months.

01:43:49.000 Is that real?

01:43:50.000 Yes, that's real.

01:43:52.000 Yeah.

01:43:52.000 It's the king of the mountain.

01:43:54.000 Crazy.

01:43:55.000 I don't think it's on that same page.

01:43:57.000 I wish I could find the page it was on because I forgot to bookmark it.

01:44:01.000 But there was a crazy video of this elk running away from this pack of wolves.

01:44:05.000 And this pack of wolves is just snapping at its legs and just running up behind it and chasing it, snapping at its legs.

01:44:12.000 And then they eventually just swarm it.

01:44:14.000 It is ruthless.

01:44:16.000 Yeah.

01:44:17.000 It is so wild to see that these...

01:44:21.000 These just giant ancestors of dogs exist free in the mountains. 0.94

01:44:27.000 It's really fucking pretty amazing. 0.88

01:44:29.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:44:30.000 So in North America, wolves taking out a giant elk and you could watch the video.

01:44:36.000 I mean, I don't know if they did it from a drone or what because it was up in the sky and it's so ruthless.

01:44:43.000 Is this one?

01:44:44.000 This is where the wolves are chasing them.

01:44:48.000 But when they get one, and they can run really good in the snow because their feet at the end of them are webbed almost like a snowshoe.

01:44:57.000 They have really enormous feet.

01:44:59.000 Whereas the elk kind of sink in the snow and it hinders their movement.

01:45:04.000 Can you imagine?

01:45:06.000 That has been playing out, that war between wolves and elk.

01:45:10.000 That's been playing out for thousands and thousands of years.

01:45:13.000 When did you get into all of the hunting and stuff like that?

01:45:17.000 Look at how they bite them on the legs. 0.97

01:45:19.000 This is how they go after them.

01:45:20.000 They bite them on the legs.

01:45:24.000 Yeah, this is the video.

01:45:25.000 This is it.

01:45:25.000 So this is where I saw it on Instagram.

01:45:29.000 I'm not showing it on screen because you can't.

01:45:30.000 Yeah, the elk is running and the wolfpack is behind it.

01:45:35.000 And you can see he keeps going deeper and deeper into the snow and he's stumbling.

01:45:39.000 And the wolves just eventually get him.

01:45:41.000 And when they get him, it's ruthless.

01:45:43.000 We don't have to watch it.

01:45:45.000 Wolfpack gives chase to a group of elk.

01:45:48.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:45:49.000 And there's another one.

01:45:49.000 Grizzly bear chases elk in Yellowstone Park.

01:45:52.000 Somebody posted one yesterday.

01:45:54.000 I wish I saw it.

01:45:56.000 I wish I bookmarked that one, too.

01:45:57.000 But it was a bison hitting another bison and making it fly through the air.

01:46:02.000 That's crazy.

01:46:03.000 So these people are in the road, right?

01:46:04.000 And they're watching these bison walk across the road. 0.99

01:46:07.000 And the bison start fucking with each other. 0.98

01:46:09.000 And one of them gets mad and runs at the other one and launches him into the air. 0.97

01:46:12.000 So you're looking at a 2,000 plus pound animal and this other 2,000 plus pound animal throws it through the air with its head.

01:46:20.000 Just makes it go flying.

01:46:22.000 Have you ever accidentally hit an animal when driving?

01:46:25.000 Just hit squirrels.

01:46:26.000 Yeah, it's a bummer.

01:46:27.000 Do you feel sad? 0.99

01:46:29.000 Yeah, because you hear them tumble inside your wheel well and shit. 0.99

01:46:34.000 One time I ran over a bunny and I was traumatized. 0.98

01:46:37.000 Yeah.

01:46:39.000 It's sad.

01:46:40.000 That is sad, Allie.

01:46:41.000 Thanks for letting us know.

01:46:42.000 You didn't bring Marshall.

01:46:42.000 I wanted to meet the dog.

01:46:44.000 Yeah, unfortunately. 0.98

01:46:45.000 I'm gonna go shoot guns after this. 0.97

01:46:47.000 I'm going next week. 0.96

01:46:48.000 Yeah?

01:46:48.000 Where are you going?

01:46:49.000 I think Angeles Forest.

01:46:51.000 Oh, okay.

01:46:51.000 Yeah, I know where that is.

01:46:52.000 Just the outdoor.

01:46:53.000 Yeah, there's a great range out there.

01:46:54.000 Yeah, my friend Toks has a bunch of guns.

01:46:56.000 Have you done it before?

01:46:57.000 I went with him once before and I cried the first time.

01:47:01.000 Cried the first time you pulled the trigger?

01:47:03.000 Mm-hmm.

01:47:04.000 In ecstasy?

01:47:05.000 No, yeah fear cuz I was just like it was just so scary.

01:47:09.000 It's such a powerful feeling And it really freaked me out and then I started to have fun and I was like Wow.

01:47:17.000 You got into it.

01:47:18.000 You went the other way.

01:47:19.000 Yeah.

01:47:20.000 But it was like one of those things where I'm like, I'd be fine if I never did.

01:47:24.000 I wasn't like, I have to keep doing this, but if the opportunity presents itself.

01:47:28.000 So it didn't become an obsession, but you were entertained.

01:47:32.000 Yeah.

01:47:32.000 There were certain guns that I liked shooting more than others that were more fun.

01:47:36.000 It's a smart thing to learn how to do.

01:47:38.000 Yeah.

01:47:38.000 Unfortunately, when you see the Santa Monica scene, you see the thin veneer of civilization pulled off and how easily people can go crazy.

01:47:48.000 It's a bummer, but it's real.

01:47:49.000 Yeah.

01:47:51.000 Yeah.

01:47:52.000 I just hope it all gets better.

01:47:54.000 Me too.

01:47:55.000 I feel like everyone's so negative.

01:47:57.000 Are you eagerly anticipating what's going to happen during the election?

01:48:02.000 Are you weirded out by, like, the possibility that no matter who wins, it could be chaos? 0.95

01:48:07.000 Yeah, I think, like what you were saying, it's like it's already, you know, we already kind of see through the government and realize it's all pretty fucked, regardless of whoever wins, no matter how good the candidate is.

01:48:17.000 But I also think that this has shown us, like, we do have so much power to influence what happens.

01:48:23.000 It's not so much who the figure is or the person wearing the suit, it's more about, like, people coming together and, like, making some change themselves.

01:48:32.000 You sound like a person who bought in all the political propaganda that they're pumping out in the news right now. 0.99

01:48:37.000 It's really about big businesses and special interests making as much money as possible and keeping people fat and stupid. 0.99

01:48:43.000 And they do their best to keep us uneducated, trapped inside our house with low vitamin D. And then they create viruses. 0.99

01:48:50.000 And then they release those viruses on purpose.

01:48:54.000 No, I don't think that.

01:48:55.000 I know, I know, I know. 0.99

01:48:56.000 Only fucking around if you didn't get it, people at home. 0.99

01:48:59.000 Yeah, I don't know. 0.99

01:49:00.000 I think we're just realizing that we do have more power to influence how things go.

01:49:06.000 Sure, we do.

01:49:07.000 We have more of a voice, for sure, than ever before.

01:49:10.000 It's very interesting.

01:49:12.000 I just want people, hopefully, to use their voice in a positive way.

01:49:16.000 I think that it's really easy to attack people, regardless of whether it's political or not nowadays.

01:49:22.000 With anything going on, it's so easy to be a negative voice.

01:49:27.000 You feel angry.

01:49:29.000 The anger that most people have is accentuated by the economic situation and the virus situation.

01:49:36.000 Right?

01:49:36.000 So even if you are already like an angry person, you're gonna be really angry now and frustrated.

01:49:43.000 And it doesn't seem like a way out.

01:49:44.000 I almost like the way people are behaving today with all the tension and all the infighting and all the chaos.

01:49:53.000 It's almost like this isn't, it's not even their fault.

01:49:58.000 I really almost feel that way.

01:50:00.000 I feel like most people are so unprepared for something this stressful and anything that's really stressful like that gets you so out of your head.

01:50:07.000 And when everybody's out of their head and no one can just calm down, it's not a good combination.

01:50:12.000 It's not good for anybody.

01:50:14.000 And the real problem is there's not a real clear antidote for it.

01:50:19.000 Yeah.

01:50:19.000 There's not a real clear path out of this.

01:50:21.000 That's what makes me real nervous.

01:50:23.000 That's why I know it sounds so Miss Congeniality, but I think like if people were just like nicer to each other, it sounds so corny, but not all the time.

01:50:32.000 It doesn't need to be like phony niceness, but rather than being like mean or negative or attacking, just don't say...

01:50:40.000 I mean, I don't know, I just...

01:50:42.000 People have requirements, and one of the requirements is they have to be able to make a living.

01:50:45.000 Yeah.

01:50:46.000 You know, and as much as I think that universal basic income, like one of the things is this whole pandemic shit, it's shown us that it's not a bad idea to have a certain amount of money that you have allocated to everybody so that they could pay their bills and pay for food.

01:51:01.000 It seems like we should have figured that out.

01:51:03.000 And Andrew Yang was talking about this in terms of automation, but...

01:51:07.000 It's just as important, or more important, with this, with the pandemic.

01:51:12.000 You don't have any choices.

01:51:13.000 If automation comes and takes your job, maybe you can figure out another job. 0.87

01:51:17.000 But if there's no fucking jobs because no one's allowed to work, then that's the best argument ever for universal basic income. 0.93

01:51:26.000 You can't do anything. 0.98

01:51:27.000 It's not your fault.

01:51:28.000 I feel like OnlyFans is like the new trading of furs.

01:51:33.000 It's like, here's nudes.

01:51:35.000 Can I make money?

01:51:36.000 Do you need anything?

01:51:36.000 That is such a great joke!

01:51:38.000 You shouldn't have said that on the podcast.

01:51:40.000 You should have saved that one.

01:51:41.000 Okay, I'm putting it in the bank. 0.98

01:51:42.000 Yeah, we have to fucking delete that. 0.97

01:51:44.000 No, keep it in. 0.97

01:51:45.000 It's funny.

01:51:46.000 It's very funny.

01:51:47.000 People, yeah.

01:51:47.000 It's very funny.

01:51:48.000 I need any funny moments so I can get it.

01:51:51.000 Leave it the way it is and then just expand upon it as a bit because you're totally right.

01:51:57.000 It is like the new trading at first.

01:51:58.000 Because I was thinking, I'm like, okay, well, if comedy's dead and there's, like, I can either sell chicken wings, but, like, I don't know.

01:52:05.000 There's only so many.

01:52:06.000 I want to go back to trading, but there's only so much you can trade and, like, the only thing I have is my feet.

01:52:10.000 During times of great prosperity, being a ho is a choice. 1.00

01:52:16.000 Yeah.

01:52:17.000 Right?

01:52:17.000 But there's a lot of reluctant hoes I'm a scared hoe.

01:52:21.000 On the inside, I'm like, I'm a bad bitch. 0.98

01:52:23.000 I listen to Meg Thee Stallion, Cardi B, Wet Ass Pussies, My Anthem, and then I'll talk to a guy on a dating app, and I'm like, do you want to go to the park? 0.99

01:52:32.000 I don't know. 0.91

01:52:33.000 What do you want to do?

01:52:35.000 Even though you enjoy those art forms and people's expression, in general, you're a pretty calm person.

01:52:40.000 Yeah.

01:52:41.000 That's why.

01:52:41.000 Yeah.

01:52:42.000 You like that music because it's fun, but that doesn't define you.

01:52:45.000 No.

01:52:46.000 How funny was that Ben Shapiro thing?

01:52:48.000 Oh my... 1.00

01:52:49.000 The wet-ass pussy thing? 1.00

01:52:51.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:52:51.000 That's the result of a gynecological situation. 1.00

01:52:53.000 Yeah.

01:52:54.000 How did he say it?

01:52:55.000 I don't even know. 1.00

01:52:56.000 He was reading them and he's like, well, in conclusion, a wet-ass pussy is actually not that wet. 1.00

01:53:03.000 Um, Ben. 1.00

01:53:04.000 Benny.

01:53:05.000 Stay in your lane.

01:53:06.000 Benny, boy.

01:53:07.000 Oh my god.

01:53:09.000 I mean, I like Ben Shapiro.

01:53:11.000 Let me just state this.

01:53:12.000 I think people get the wrong impression about him all the time.

01:53:16.000 I think he's a very nice guy.

01:53:17.000 He's a very smart guy.

01:53:18.000 But he has his blind spots, like we all do. 1.00

01:53:22.000 And when you think that wet-ass pussy is a gynecological condition, mmm. 1.00

01:53:29.000 Whoops. 1.00

01:53:30.000 Let me tell you something.

01:53:34.000 The mass humiliation of Ben Shapiro.

01:53:36.000 I don't like him.

01:53:37.000 He scares me.

01:53:39.000 I like him as a human.

01:53:40.000 I know him as a human being.

01:53:41.000 And that's a problem.

01:53:42.000 Like you see someone who does like performative work about politics because part of what he does is funny.

01:53:49.000 Like he has a mug that says leftist tears.

01:53:52.000 You know, when he serves you water, like when Ezra Klein from Vox was on his show, he drank out of a cup that said, left his tears.

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:00.000 And they were actually talking about it.

01:54:02.000 Like, he's like, don't you think this is an issue?

01:54:04.000 He's like, I think it's funny.

01:54:05.000 Yeah.

01:54:06.000 He leans into it.

01:54:07.000 Look, he's a good guy.

01:54:08.000 He's just not perfect.

01:54:09.000 Not like all of us.

01:54:10.000 This is the thing. 0.99

01:54:11.000 You want to find one thing wrong with a person and fucking hate him. 0.99

01:54:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:14.000 It's just silly. 1.00

01:54:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:16.000 You can still think he's a nice guy and still think it's fucking silly to make fun of wet pussy. 1.00

01:54:20.000 Totally. 1.00

01:54:21.000 Or it's like, I might not like the guy, but I don't need to, like, attack him.

01:54:25.000 Yeah, I'm telling you, he's a good guy. 0.94

01:54:27.000 But he does have a goofy-ass little smirk. 0.92

01:54:29.000 Well, he's a professional. 1.00

01:54:32.000 Look, one of the reasons why people love Floyd Mayweather is because he talks so much shit. 1.00

01:54:38.000 He talks so much shit. 1.00

01:54:39.000 He's always showing his money. 1.00

01:54:40.000 He's kind of trolling in a way.

01:54:42.000 That's become such a thing in fighting.

01:54:44.000 And then, well, with him, he was so good at it.

01:54:47.000 Because he was a guy who was very safety first as a boxer.

01:54:51.000 Like, incredibly skillful.

01:54:53.000 Like, arguably the best boxer of all time.

01:54:55.000 But...

01:54:57.000 He didn't go after guys and just engage in wars.

01:55:01.000 He fought very tactically and he's fighting the best fighters in the world.

01:55:04.000 So he has to fight very cautiously sometimes.

01:55:07.000 That's the correct way to do it.

01:55:09.000 But he figured out a way to get people to pay attention because That generally, like, being the most skillful is great, but you want people to pay attention.

01:55:18.000 So you want to be like a Mike Tyson guy who knocks everybody out.

01:55:21.000 Well, if you're not a Mike Tyson guy that knocks everybody out, the best way to get people to pay attention is make them want you to lose.

01:55:28.000 Show them all your money.

01:55:29.000 Oh, look at that watch.

01:55:30.000 It's a million dollars.

01:55:30.000 Look at this hat.

01:55:31.000 Look at these diamonds.

01:55:32.000 Look at this jet. 1.00

01:55:33.000 I just flew in and bit you and get shit. 1.00

01:55:35.000 No! 1.00

01:55:36.000 And you just want to beat him up. 1.00

01:55:37.000 You want him to get his ass kicked. 1.00

01:55:38.000 But meanwhile, he's the best boxer ever. 1.00

01:55:40.000 And so he's just outboxing all these people and he never gets his ass kicked. 0.99

01:55:43.000 It's kind of funny. 0.99

01:55:45.000 I mean, if you really pay attention to it, it's kind of funny.

01:55:47.000 Well, Ben Shapiro, that's kind of what he does.

01:55:50.000 He says things knowing it's going to piss people off and then they're paying attention to him.

01:55:54.000 But he also says some things that make sense.

01:55:56.000 He's very good at debate.

01:55:58.000 He's very good at arguing with...

01:56:03.000 Uneducated people who just automatically subscribe to left-wing ideas.

01:56:07.000 He can chop those up quick if you don't have your thoughts dialed in and your argument dialed in.

01:56:13.000 But he's, you know, he's a person.

01:56:15.000 Yeah.

01:56:15.000 He's a very nice guy.

01:56:16.000 I like him.

01:56:17.000 We're all people.

01:56:18.000 Just people.

01:56:18.000 Why can't we all just get along?

01:56:19.000 Because we're all scared.

01:56:21.000 I know! 0.94

01:56:21.000 But we, this is the, this is the, if I can, you know, people go, oh, it's fucking easy for you guys. 0.94

01:56:25.000 You're fucking making money. 0.98

01:56:26.000 You're a comedian. 1.00

01:56:27.000 You're this and...

01:56:28.000 You're right.

01:56:29.000 But what Allie's saying...

01:56:33.000 If we just be nicer to each other is the solution.

01:56:37.000 I think it is.

01:56:38.000 If there's more camaraderie and understanding and seeing that people like Ben or Alex Jones, all your fun friends, you know, they're all people.

01:56:46.000 Yeah, they're human beings.

01:56:47.000 You know, I don't, yeah.

01:56:48.000 This is the thing that's like, this is one of the real problems with cancel culture.

01:56:52.000 Like, they'll say something like, oh, Matt Lauer's got plenty of money.

01:56:57.000 Make up a person who's been cancelled.

01:57:00.000 Oh, they're fine.

01:57:00.000 They got plenty of money.

01:57:02.000 You're not thinking about what hurts.

01:57:05.000 Yeah, it's material.

01:57:06.000 Yeah, what hurts is the psychological aspect of whatever it is.

01:57:11.000 What we're doing is we're lashing out at people for mistakes and we're saying it in a way where there's no way you can get better.

01:57:22.000 This is who you are forever.

01:57:23.000 Yeah, and there's a narrative that people create.

01:57:26.000 They assume that they know things about you and want to create this story to make it look a certain way to validate their point when it's like no one knows anyone entirely.

01:57:35.000 You have kids.

01:57:36.000 You don't know exactly who they are because they're their own little thing, you know?

01:57:40.000 Exactly.

01:57:40.000 And as much as you think you know something about someone, you just don't.

01:57:45.000 And I feel like everyone should be worthy of redemption.

01:57:49.000 And again, we're not talking about crimes.

01:57:51.000 I'm not talking about people stealing or murder or rape or chaos or stabbing or shooting.

01:57:57.000 I'm not talking about that.

01:57:58.000 What we're talking about is...

01:58:00.000 Public execution.

01:58:02.000 Yeah.

01:58:02.000 There's a thing that people are doing now where they just love the pile on.

01:58:06.000 And it's because there's...

01:58:07.000 They're not in a good place.

01:58:09.000 There's so much negativity.

01:58:11.000 I was watching this one pile-on where this guy was...

01:58:15.000 Oh, this is from Douglas Murray's book.

01:58:17.000 That's what it was.

01:58:18.000 Douglas Murray's book, The Madness of Crowds.

01:58:21.000 He's a brilliant man and author who is often...

01:58:25.000 Misrepresented.

01:58:26.000 They often misrepresent his positions on things because he takes a pragmatic, non-woke... 0.95

01:58:31.000 But he's a gay man. 0.81

01:58:33.000 Gay man from England who's brilliant.

01:58:35.000 And so it's hard...

01:58:36.000 They get real confused. 1.00

01:58:38.000 They run into him and they're like, shit! 1.00

01:58:40.000 Yeah, but being gay or having something that makes you stand out doesn't make you a... 0.99

01:58:44.000 Well they have a problem like if he has opinions on trans people or if he has opinions on even on gay people even on like his his opinions are he thinks what he thinks and he's smart enough to be able to express it in a way that's very difficult to argue yeah and because of that people they get pissy about it I remember what I was talking about like what was the initial point Uh,

01:59:07.000 public execution.

01:59:09.000 No, it was before that.

01:59:10.000 People being, uh... 1.00

01:59:12.000 Shit! 1.00

01:59:13.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:59:14.000 I had a point. 1.00

01:59:14.000 Did you take your alpha brain? 1.00

01:59:15.000 I didn't today.

01:59:16.000 What were you talking about right before that, though? 0.97

01:59:18.000 Um, just about, fuck, people deserving second chances and redemption, and that we're all material things, like you can take away someone's money or whatever, they have enough money, they should be fine. 0.96

01:59:31.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:59:32.000 I have a terrible memory.

01:59:33.000 No alpha brain.

01:59:34.000 Beta brain.

01:59:35.000 I can't believe I forgot the story.

01:59:37.000 What is that shirt?

01:59:39.000 The hundreds!

01:59:40.000 Shout out to Bobby and Ben!

01:59:43.000 What is that, Jamie?

01:59:45.000 How dare you?

01:59:46.000 How dare I? It's Back to the Future.

01:59:48.000 That's Back to the Future?

01:59:49.000 Yeah, it's Doc and Barney.

01:59:51.000 Oh, okay.

01:59:52.000 It looks like a blob and a lightning bolt.

01:59:57.000 Let me put my glasses on.

01:59:59.000 Joe's about to roast.

02:00:01.000 I can barely see that.

02:00:02.000 Can you tell?

02:00:03.000 Yeah.

02:00:05.000 Back to the Future. 1.00

02:00:07.000 Goddammit, I'm trying to remember the fucking story, and I can't. 0.99

02:00:10.000 What are you drinking, that yellow? 0.99

02:00:12.000 This is the Laird Hamilton Turmeric Superfood Coffee.

02:00:18.000 Have you had any of that?

02:00:19.000 No.

02:00:20.000 You should try it.

02:00:20.000 Okay.

02:00:21.000 Are you into any health shit right now? 0.99

02:00:26.000 Just like in terms of like eating and drinking? 0.99

02:00:29.000 Just taking care of yourself.

02:00:30.000 Are you exercising?

02:00:31.000 Yeah, well skating.

02:00:32.000 I've been doing that like almost every day.

02:00:34.000 Skateboarding?

02:00:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Do you wear pads and shit? 1.00

02:00:36.000 If I'm trying to do something crazy, I will, but if I'm just kind of like cruising around trying to work on my ollies and shavits and whatnot, I won't wear the pads. 0.98

02:00:46.000 But if I'm trying to like drop in, which I'm really afraid to do, then I'll put on like the knee pads, wrist guards, uh, helmet.

02:00:55.000 I'm not trying to get a concussion. 1.00

02:00:57.000 Are you doing crazy shit? 0.99

02:00:58.000 Like you going over the lip and like scraping the bottom of your board and dropping back down in? 1.00

02:01:03.000 No, I'm using my way into it.

02:01:04.000 Look at you.

02:01:05.000 You look ferocious.

02:01:07.000 Oh yeah. 0.87

02:01:07.000 Like you're ready to shred. 0.87

02:01:09.000 I am. 0.80

02:01:09.000 You're ready to go down a railing. 0.80

02:01:11.000 It's so fun. 1.00

02:01:12.000 Do you do the railing shit? 1.00

02:01:13.000 No. 1.00

02:01:14.000 See, I was trying to drop in.

02:01:15.000 This guy helped me.

02:01:16.000 His name's Chris.

02:01:17.000 He just like came up to me.

02:01:18.000 He saw me struggling and he was like, here, let me help you. 1.00

02:01:21.000 But if he wasn't there, I would've eaten shit. 0.99

02:01:23.000 Looks like you were about to. 0.99

02:01:24.000 I was about to, for sure.

02:01:26.000 What happened there?

02:01:27.000 That was just me posted up, cross-eyed.

02:01:30.000 Thought you were injured.

02:01:31.000 No, not yet.

02:01:32.000 So why did you decide that was the thing?

02:01:36.000 So, okay, so I got back to my house.

02:01:39.000 I had a room that was open to rent.

02:01:41.000 One of my roommates left.

02:01:42.000 And my friend was like, oh, I have a buddy who's looking for a place.

02:01:45.000 So this guy comes to my house, checks out the room.

02:01:48.000 My roommates are asking him questions like, what do you do for work?

02:01:50.000 And he's like, oh, like skate stuff, whatever.

02:01:52.000 He was very vague.

02:01:53.000 And when he was walking out to leave, I saw my skateboard.

02:01:57.000 I've had this board for like four or five years.

02:01:59.000 I got it from Supreme.

02:02:00.000 I like the deck.

02:02:01.000 I thought that I was going to be like a skater.

02:02:03.000 I thought that everyone would fall in love with me.

02:02:05.000 No one did, so I stopped skating.

02:02:07.000 And so I've had it just sitting in my front yard for like four or five years.

02:02:12.000 And so he's leaving and I see my board and I'm like, can I resell this?

02:02:15.000 Like, is there any value or do I just like give it to a kid?

02:02:18.000 Like, what do I do with this old board?

02:02:20.000 And he picks it up and he looks at the deck and he's like, this is my pro model board.

02:02:25.000 What?

02:02:25.000 Yeah.

02:02:26.000 And so then ever since then, we've been skating together.

02:02:29.000 His name's Donovan Piscopo.

02:02:31.000 He's so tight.

02:02:32.000 He's so nice.

02:02:33.000 He's so tight.

02:02:34.000 Yeah, he's so tight.

02:02:35.000 He's so sick. 1.00

02:02:36.000 He fucking shreds. 1.00

02:02:37.000 He's so dope. 1.00

02:02:38.000 I remember the story.

02:02:39.000 This is a story.

02:02:40.000 This really progressive left-wing person.

02:02:42.000 Here we go.

02:02:43.000 Was tweeting something, this tweet storm of like, you know, why does everyone have to be sexist and racist?

02:02:49.000 Like, he adds all these, like, super woke things. 0.99

02:02:52.000 And they said, and just sitting around eating fucking fast food and watching Netflix. 0.98

02:02:56.000 That's where he made a mistake. 0.99

02:02:57.000 Because then he was fat shaming.

02:02:59.000 And he didn't realize he was fat shaming when he said that.

02:03:00.000 And so the people started attacking him.

02:03:02.000 Like, he said everything in the most woke way possible.

02:03:04.000 Wait, what did he do?

02:03:05.000 This is in Douglas Murray's book, Madness of Crowds.

02:03:07.000 And then he goes on this Twitter apology stream that I think Murray said it lasted 15 tweets.

02:03:14.000 He's literally begging for his career not to be ended.

02:03:17.000 Whoa.

02:03:17.000 For saying that people ate junk food.

02:03:20.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:03:21.000 Ate garbage. 0.99

02:03:22.000 And like, why does everybody have to do all these things that are awful plus get fat? 0.99

02:03:26.000 And like, why are we lazy? 1.00

02:03:27.000 Why are we stupid? 1.00

02:03:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:28.000 That's what he's saying. 1.00

02:03:29.000 But you fucked up. 1.00

02:03:30.000 And by saying, like, sitting around eating garbage food, you're fat shaming. 1.00

02:03:36.000 You don't even realize you're being hateful. 0.99

02:03:38.000 And you can't.

02:03:39.000 There's no room.

02:03:41.000 There's no room. 1.00

02:03:42.000 There's no room for fucking around. 1.00

02:03:44.000 Like, you can't. 0.99

02:03:45.000 If you want to be a woke person, you can get cancelled at any moment because you never know when the standards have shifted.

02:03:53.000 They've become more and more radicalized.

02:03:55.000 And so someone's saying something that five, six years ago would be completely reasonable and make a lot of sense. 1.00

02:04:00.000 The fuck up was talking about people who are fat. 1.00

02:04:04.000 You can't do it. 1.00

02:04:05.000 Yeah.

02:04:05.000 Yeah, I think, well, and you can't explain yourself.

02:04:08.000 There's no room to explain what you mean or your side.

02:04:12.000 You know, no one wants to hear it.

02:04:13.000 People just want to be like, you're wrong and you're bad.

02:04:16.000 Well, it's tag, you're it.

02:04:17.000 It's a game.

02:04:18.000 Yeah.

02:04:19.000 There's no room for nuance.

02:04:20.000 No.

02:04:21.000 So a person like that, like, well, listen, you really should eat healthier food.

02:04:25.000 Why are we lying?

02:04:26.000 Why are we saying that these people eating fast food, why are we saying...

02:04:29.000 And saying fast food's bad doesn't mean being fat is bad.

02:04:32.000 Well, being fat's bad.

02:04:34.000 It's not healthy.

02:04:35.000 It's not good for you.

02:04:36.000 But you can't- But I have good friends who are fat.

02:04:38.000 It's like, listen, people have problems.

02:04:40.000 Yeah.

02:04:41.000 I'm gonna be, I know, I know, I'm gonna hit like 32 and I'm just gonna, oh yeah.

02:04:47.000 Or you're gonna crossfit.

02:04:48.000 You might go either way.

02:04:50.000 Maybe.

02:04:50.000 But my point is, it doesn't mean that fat is good for you just because you love fat people.

02:04:56.000 It's still bad for you.

02:04:57.000 Like if you talk to a doctor, like if you talk to a medical doctor, it's bad for you.

02:05:02.000 Yes.

02:05:02.000 So, it's not good.

02:05:04.000 So, like, pretending it's okay, like, you can be healthy and fat is nonsense.

02:05:07.000 But the thing is, like, if you say that, you're fat-phobic, or you're fat-shaming, or you're hurting people.

02:05:14.000 But it's just a fact.

02:05:15.000 Yeah.

02:05:15.000 It doesn't mean you hate these people.

02:05:18.000 Yeah.

02:05:18.000 It just is what it is.

02:05:20.000 Yeah.

02:05:20.000 That's a problem.

02:05:21.000 Whenever you can't say what it is...

02:05:23.000 Like, no one can handle it.

02:05:25.000 We're just playing pretend.

02:05:26.000 Right.

02:05:26.000 So if a person says all these things you agree with, and then you find this one thing, instead of saying, Bob, I'm totally with you on all of that, but sometimes the people that are eating fast food are just poor.

02:05:37.000 You're like, you're right.

02:05:38.000 You're right.

02:05:39.000 I should have switched that.

02:05:40.000 And that should be the end of it.

02:05:41.000 Yeah.

02:05:41.000 A person, like, when you have an opinion, if you put out a tweet, like, one of the things I see people get attacked the most for is errant views in tweets.

02:05:50.000 But when you have a tweet...

02:05:52.000 And you put it out there.

02:05:52.000 That's not your rock-solid married-to position or anything.

02:05:58.000 It's a thought.

02:05:59.000 You're thinking out loud, but you're thinking in a typed form, which is weird. 0.96

02:06:02.000 So if you see it in a typed form, like if you said something fucked up to me, but it was just in the moment, you said something, you thought it was funny, it was fucked up, that's one thing. 0.79

02:06:11.000 But if you write it down, that's a different thing. 0.93

02:06:13.000 Totally.

02:06:14.000 And it's a thing we don't really understand.

02:06:15.000 Like, you see something written, like, I know what you said, but I'm going to decide that you meant it this way.

02:06:20.000 And you can change it and switch it around and move it. 1.00

02:06:23.000 And we were talking about this earlier, that you could even take a thing that would make sense if you said it, like, how about suck it, bitch? 1.00

02:06:30.000 Like, if you just say that out of nowhere... 0.99

02:06:33.000 But you write it down, it's like, what does that mean?

02:06:35.000 Where's that coming from?

02:06:36.000 In the moment, it was hilarious.

02:06:38.000 But when you write it down and just print it somewhere, it's like, what is that?

02:06:42.000 Because there's no tone.

02:06:43.000 No context.

02:06:44.000 And we're pretending.

02:06:46.000 This is what everybody's doing, canceling people for tweets and getting angry at people for things that they've said.

02:06:51.000 You're canceling people based on the...

02:06:53.000 You're trying to deny nuance.

02:06:56.000 You're trying to deny that people shift and they grow and they learn.

02:07:00.000 And that's the other thing.

02:07:01.000 It's like I feel like everyone hopefully you're like trying to grow as a person and learn new things and have new ideas and so it's like if I said something in 2014 it's probably not how I feel about something now. 0.78

02:07:13.000 Or I'm fucking digging my heels in. 0.78

02:07:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:16.000 Let me tell you why I believe it.

02:07:17.000 Yeah.

02:07:18.000 Yeah.

02:07:19.000 But I think, and I've said this before too, but I think the real problem is we can't really read each other's minds.

02:07:25.000 We rely on language.

02:07:26.000 Yeah.

02:07:27.000 I don't know what you're really thinking.

02:07:29.000 Yeah.

02:07:29.000 I don't know what you're really thinking.

02:07:30.000 Yeah.

02:07:30.000 You know, some people are slicker with their words.

02:07:34.000 Some people are better at convincing.

02:07:35.000 Some people have their game down. 1.00

02:07:37.000 Some people have manipulated enough people that they're, you know, like salesmen and shit or strippers. 0.98

02:07:42.000 Like people are just really good at selling things. 0.98

02:07:44.000 Yeah.

02:07:44.000 They know.

02:07:45.000 They know what they're doing.

02:07:47.000 I was learning sign language before COVID. I would go to like deaf meetups.

02:07:53.000 There's like deaf meetups at Starbucks.

02:07:55.000 Why were you doing that? 0.98

02:07:56.000 My grandma was deaf and I never took the time to like really learn sign language, which now that I think about it is kind of fucked up. 0.91

02:08:02.000 That's like if your grandma spoke like Italian and only Italian and you're like, I'm just gonna speak English and hope you figure it out. 0.94

02:08:09.000 I would love to see roast battle with sign language.

02:08:11.000 Oh, that would be a lot of body movements, a lot of eyes, big.

02:08:15.000 That would be a great show.

02:08:17.000 That's what Netflix should do if they really want to be inclusive.

02:08:20.000 Yeah.

02:08:20.000 There's more deaf people probably than a lot of malign people.

02:08:26.000 What is this?

02:08:27.000 Oh, I love interpreters at concerts.

02:08:29.000 That's such an important job.

02:08:33.000 When we were at the amphitheater in the Bay Area, there was an interpreter, and it made me so happy.

02:08:37.000 Look how fast she's moving, though. 1.00

02:08:39.000 She's killing it. 1.00

02:08:39.000 Because they're rapping. 1.00

02:08:40.000 I picked up a fast song, Eminem's Rap God.

02:08:42.000 Oh, wow.

02:08:43.000 Jesus Christ, look at her go. 1.00

02:08:45.000 Sign language is so fascinating to me.

02:08:48.000 I love it.

02:08:49.000 That's crazy.

02:08:49.000 Look how fast she's moving.

02:08:51.000 She's TikTok-ing! 1.00

02:08:52.000 She's TikTok- Chinese! 1.00

02:08:54.000 That's what it is.

02:08:54.000 The Chinese government is tricking people into talking in sign language.

02:08:58.000 I'm on ASL TikTok.

02:09:00.000 What does that mean?

02:09:01.000 American Sign Language TikTok.

02:09:04.000 You are?

02:09:04.000 Yeah, I love it.

02:09:05.000 I love sign language.

02:09:07.000 So you TikTok using actual words?

02:09:09.000 I don't, but I watch people who are either deaf or interpreters and they make videos on sign language.

02:09:14.000 But you're learning how to TikTok and sign language at the same time?

02:09:17.000 Well, I kind of stopped learning sign language during the pandemic.

02:09:21.000 Oh.

02:09:22.000 Is it one of those things that you have to stay up on?

02:09:23.000 Like, you have to sign with people?

02:09:25.000 Like, you have to talk?

02:09:25.000 Yeah, it's like any language, where it's like, if you want to get fluent in it, you want to be talking in it all the time, and I don't really have a lot of deaf friends around to speak to, but it was cool going to, like, those deaf meetups at Starbucks.

02:09:39.000 That is cool.

02:09:41.000 How much do you really understand a person based on sign language?

02:09:48.000 You're not fluent at it though, right?

02:09:50.000 No, but I can sign decent enough.

02:09:53.000 To have a conversation?

02:09:54.000 Kind of, yeah.

02:09:55.000 But I would have to tell them slow, slow.

02:09:58.000 Do you think that when you get to a point like that interpreter at the concert, you get that good at sign language, you could communicate as clearly? 1.00

02:10:05.000 Yeah.

02:10:06.000 But it's the same as any language, where it's like, I might be like, what's up, y'all?

02:10:11.000 It's lit.

02:10:11.000 And you might be like, oh, I'm older.

02:10:13.000 I don't understand what lit means.

02:10:15.000 Oh, I know what lit means.

02:10:16.000 I just thought it had already gone away.

02:10:19.000 I'm bringing it back.

02:10:20.000 Tight was what threw me off.

02:10:23.000 When you're like, he's tight.

02:10:24.000 I'm like, uh-huh.

02:10:26.000 But it's like if you go to a different part, like if you go to a different state, sometimes the way that people speak, maybe like in Texas, in certain rural parts, you wouldn't really understand certain things that they say or how they say them.

02:10:37.000 So it's the same with sign language. 0.96

02:10:39.000 Like you can say doctor like this or like this, but if you're learning and you only know this way to say it, then if someone does that, you're like, what the fuck does that mean? 0.89

02:10:47.000 Hmm. 0.96

02:10:48.000 One more time.

02:10:48.000 So doctor is touch your wrist to check your pulse like that.

02:10:51.000 Yeah.

02:10:51.000 And there's a D, so doctor.

02:10:53.000 Oh, where's the D? D. Oh, wow.

02:10:56.000 But when you go down and touch it, now it becomes...

02:10:59.000 So now it's just doctor on your wrist, I guess.

02:11:00.000 A P that fell over on its back.

02:11:02.000 Would anyone there be different, like, not ASL? Because I didn't...

02:11:06.000 Once I learned American Sign Language, I was like, wait a second.

02:11:09.000 Your French Sign Language, Spanish Sign Language.

02:11:12.000 Oh, that's annoying.

02:11:14.000 How much different is it?

02:11:16.000 It's very different.

02:11:16.000 I don't know.

02:11:17.000 It's very different.

02:11:18.000 Completely different language.

02:11:18.000 So if you went over there, I'd be like, you don't even know the language.

02:11:21.000 Nope. 1.00

02:11:21.000 Oh, you fucks. 1.00

02:11:22.000 You had the one chance to make a universal language. 1.00

02:11:24.000 I know.

02:11:26.000 It's so fascinating.

02:11:27.000 I'm like very interested in like the deaf community and sign language and all of that.

02:11:32.000 Linguistics.

02:11:33.000 I got super high once.

02:11:34.000 I think it was in the tank.

02:11:36.000 And when I came out I had this idea that alien life If it wanted to communicate with us would come up with a way like a type of language that everyone could understand like a language that got right into your brain a Language that instead of you having to interpret what the sounds mean and turn them into words It's some new kind of technology that allow like as they're making this sound as they're putting out the signal it's going straight into you and And you automatically understand

02:12:07.000 it.

02:12:07.000 Yeah.

02:12:08.000 Without knowing what they're saying.

02:12:09.000 Without having actual...

02:12:10.000 Bob said you guys should come to the spaceship.

02:12:12.000 Instead of seeing you know what it means without having hearing sound.

02:12:17.000 Like you'll have to disassociate the idea of these sounds meaning these words.

02:12:21.000 You'll just know what it means.

02:12:22.000 Yeah.

02:12:24.000 Oh, that movie?

02:12:24.000 Yeah.

02:12:25.000 Oh, that movie was crazy.

02:12:26.000 Well, didn't they do it like visually?

02:12:27.000 Yeah.

02:12:28.000 It was like time doesn't matter.

02:12:29.000 Right.

02:12:29.000 There's no sentences.

02:12:30.000 It was all memes and like...

02:12:32.000 Right.

02:12:32.000 It was like they would spray black ink into the sky, right?

02:12:36.000 What did they do for like...

02:12:37.000 Let me see what it looked like again.

02:12:38.000 Yeah, there it goes.

02:12:39.000 They spray black ink and it makes like weird patterns and that's how they would communicate.

02:12:45.000 Have you seen...

02:12:46.000 But that makes sense.

02:12:47.000 Yeah.

02:12:47.000 Have you seen the trailer for Tenet?

02:12:50.000 Is that what it's called?

02:12:51.000 Mm-hmm.

02:12:52.000 I've been excited for the movie to come out for a while.

02:12:54.000 I think there's a guy named Ray Kurzweil and he's this brilliant guy who wants to live to be a thousand years old and he's got this series of patents that he's come up with.

02:13:06.000 I mean he's really like a legitimately genius guy and I got a chance to interview him once way back.

02:13:12.000 But one of the things that we talked about was he was talking about downloading consciousness into a computer.

02:13:19.000 And they think that there's going to come a point in time where you will be eternal because you're going to figure out a way to take whoever Ali Mikofsky is and put it in a computer and download it.

02:13:29.000 And your material body, your physical body, your biological body won't mean anything anymore.

02:13:33.000 You're going to exist as you inside this computer, inside this thing.

02:13:40.000 I've always thought that that's probably what alien life is.

02:13:45.000 What alien life is is something that has gotten to the point where it doesn't need a physical form anymore.

02:13:50.000 Like, whatever consciousness is, they've figured out a way to contain it in non-biological systems.

02:13:56.000 So they take whatever you are when you're born, but then the thing is, like, how does that thing replicate?

02:14:01.000 What are they doing to make sure the power stays on?

02:14:06.000 Like, what are they doing?

02:14:08.000 Keto?

02:14:09.000 Probably.

02:14:09.000 Squats.

02:14:10.000 I think life could be all kinds of shapes.

02:14:14.000 I think life could be...

02:14:15.000 There was some speculations these scientists were trying to figure out whether or not light could be a life form.

02:14:21.000 Like, there could be forms of life that are made entirely of light.

02:14:25.000 Well, everything's energy, right?

02:14:28.000 I don't know if everything's energy.

02:14:29.000 I don't know.

02:14:30.000 I thought I'd throw that out and it would make sense.

02:14:32.000 Just really lazy.

02:14:33.000 But like we're made of energy, you know?

02:14:37.000 Yeah, we're made of energy.

02:14:38.000 But what we think of as life, we think of as like a frog.

02:14:42.000 Or like an Ally Makovsky or a Jamie Vernon.

02:14:45.000 Something with a pulse.

02:14:45.000 Yeah, but it's possible that life might be...

02:14:48.000 Like I thought about ideas.

02:14:49.000 Like when you have an idea and then that idea gets in your head like, man, I don't like that idea.

02:14:53.000 And then you start working to...

02:14:56.000 Fulfill that idea.

02:14:58.000 You build a thing.

02:14:58.000 Maybe you have an idea how to build a thing.

02:15:00.000 And then you build a thing.

02:15:01.000 That's a thing that forced you to make it. 0.98

02:15:06.000 It's like you had an idea that bumped, jumped into your brain, and then it's like, listen, bitch, you need to make a canoe, like a canoe. 1.00

02:15:14.000 How would I make a canoe? 0.99

02:15:15.000 You take a log, you fucking hollow out the sand, you roll around inside of it, just go down the river.

02:15:19.000 And then all of a sudden, this idea that pops into your head, and you start doing all the work, now you have a physical thing that literally allowed itself to be born by getting this idea that invades your consciousness and tricks you into making things. 0.63

02:15:33.000 Doesn't that make you think that everything's already kind of decided?

02:15:37.000 Like, you know, you have free will and control, but to some extent everything's kind of already, what's going to happen is going to happen.

02:15:45.000 That's not necessarily true.

02:15:46.000 I think you do have free will, but I think you also have determinism.

02:15:51.000 I think this is something that people have argued successfully where you really have to take a step back and go, okay, what do I think about who a person is right now? 0.96

02:16:01.000 Like if I meet a person and I meet this woman and she's all fucked up and she lies a lot and she likes to do drugs and she doesn't know what she's doing with her life and she cries. 1.00

02:16:10.000 Like, oh, get your shit together, bitch. 1.00

02:16:13.000 Is that what you think? 1.00

02:16:14.000 What do you think when you meet a person like that?

02:16:16.000 Do you take any consideration, like, oh, this is a person who is the granddaughter of alcoholics, and it all boiled down to genetics and terrible...

02:16:25.000 So all of her systems that came online when she was two and five and six...

02:16:30.000 They all came online during alcoholic households and people were physically abusive and you're hiding in the corner of your bedroom and it was all chaos and drinking when you're 12. Like when you get to that 35-year-old person and they've gone through this insane pattern without any intervention.

02:16:49.000 Nothing switches.

02:16:50.000 How much of their life are they really responsible for?

02:16:53.000 It's a real question.

02:16:54.000 It's like, who are you? 1.00

02:16:56.000 You are the combination of all the things that have ever happened to you, your genetics, all the weird shit that you inherit from your parents. 0.99

02:17:03.000 You inherit a lot of ideas, they think, even from your parents. 0.99

02:17:06.000 Not just learn from them, but actually inherit these ideas.

02:17:10.000 And then you do the best with what you got.

02:17:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:17:14.000 And some people's got is fucking terrible. 0.98

02:17:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:17:18.000 Do you think we're living in a simulation? 1.00

02:17:21.000 I'm too dumb. 1.00

02:17:23.000 Same. 1.00

02:17:23.000 To take that into consideration. 1.00

02:17:26.000 But I think it seems legitimately weird.

02:17:31.000 It seems like it changes too much.

02:17:35.000 Like, reality itself changes too much.

02:17:39.000 And things come up that seem like if there was going to be a simulation, this is how it would go down.

02:17:45.000 Like, I remember when I first started reading about simulation theory, it was right around the time where Anthony Weiner got busted for sending pictures of his deck.

02:17:55.000 I'm like, what are the odds?

02:17:56.000 Yeah.

02:17:57.000 Like, that seems like...

02:17:58.000 It's so on the nose.

02:18:00.000 It seems like some of you would really...

02:18:01.000 It's so on the Weiner.

02:18:01.000 If your name was Weiner, you'd avoid showing people your heart.

02:18:04.000 Yeah.

02:18:04.000 I'm like, this is terrible.

02:18:05.000 You'd castrate yourself.

02:18:07.000 No more Weiner.

02:18:08.000 Yeah.

02:18:09.000 But if we're going to come up with one someday, obviously not you and me, but someone really smart is going to come up with a simulation, it's going to eventually get good enough where you can't tell that you're in a simulation. 0.93

02:18:19.000 That's what's fucked up. 0.96

02:18:20.000 That's what's fucked up. 0.98

02:18:21.000 What's fucked up is if it isn't here, it's coming. 0.97

02:18:24.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:18:25.000 This took me a long time.

02:18:26.000 Like, I had a conversation with this guy, Nick Bollstrom, who's a brilliant guy who is a big proponent of this concept.

02:18:35.000 And he was explaining it through, like, probability theory.

02:18:40.000 I was a little too dumb to understand what you're saying, but basically what you're saying is, if you do, if it's possible that someday someone, essentially, I'm paraphrasing, Someday we'll have a simulation.

02:18:53.000 Like, what are the odds that this is a simulation? 0.92

02:18:56.000 It's more likely that this is a simulation than not.

02:18:59.000 Yeah.

02:19:00.000 You just gotta pray that whoever's doing the simulation is looking out for you.

02:19:05.000 The other possibility is that we know the simulation's coming.

02:19:08.000 That's the other possibility.

02:19:09.000 And that's why everybody's freaked out.

02:19:11.000 Everybody's freaked out because even though it's not here, it's inevitable.

02:19:14.000 If you follow the pattern of innovation, if you go from pioneers, to people who live in cities, to cell phones and internet and fucking Space Force, and you just keep going, eventually you get to a point where someone figures out how to make an artificial version of life.

02:19:31.000 Whether it's Ray Kurzweil's thing, where it downloads you into a computer, Or whether it's a thing you sit and connect to.

02:19:37.000 Yeah.

02:19:38.000 Someone's going to come up with something.

02:19:39.000 Do you think we know that we're in the simulation when it happens? 0.79

02:19:41.000 Then it would suck. 0.97

02:19:42.000 Then it would suck. 0.99

02:19:43.000 You don't want that. 0.72

02:19:44.000 Yeah, no.

02:19:44.000 You want something where it's crazy.

02:19:46.000 Yeah.

02:19:46.000 You don't even know you're in it.

02:19:48.000 Yeah.

02:19:48.000 Like, oh my god, am I in the simulation?

02:19:50.000 Who knows?

02:19:51.000 That's the best simulation.

02:19:53.000 The best simulation is you have no idea.

02:19:56.000 You're locked completely into it.

02:19:58.000 So that's where our problem lies.

02:20:00.000 We don't know if that's actually going on right now.

02:20:03.000 Like for Trump, if somebody brought Trump aside, like sat Trump aside and said, Mr. Trump, All of this seems highly unlikely, doesn't it?

02:20:11.000 Well, here's why.

02:20:12.000 You are in a simulation.

02:20:15.000 This simulation was started 78 years ago.

02:20:18.000 And this is the pattern.

02:20:19.000 It plays out.

02:20:20.000 You're given a large amount of money to start your own businesses.

02:20:25.000 You're gonna put your name on everything.

02:20:27.000 You're gonna be the best, the best, the best.

02:20:29.000 But you have crazy hair.

02:20:29.000 But that's okay.

02:20:30.000 You just fucking spray it down. 1.00

02:20:32.000 You're good. 1.00

02:20:32.000 You have a few flaws in your life. 1.00

02:20:34.000 People are mad at you though, but you're gonna be the best.

02:20:36.000 You're gonna have the best things.

02:20:37.000 The biggest.

02:20:38.000 You're gonna have the business.

02:20:39.000 Everything's gonna be amazing.

02:20:41.000 And then you come up to them and you wake them up and you say, listen, this seems crazy.

02:20:46.000 It seems crazy because it is.

02:20:48.000 And you settled upon a very bizarre pattern in your simulation.

02:20:53.000 And this is how it came out.

02:20:55.000 And everyone else is mad at you, but they just don't understand.

02:20:57.000 This wasn't your fault.

02:20:58.000 You didn't mean to.

02:20:59.000 But then you think of all the things that we counted before, like poverty, abuse, drug addict parents, all the different things that make a person who they are, right?

02:21:08.000 Those are really kind of like...

02:21:12.000 Factors in if you had a game like if you were playing some sort of a large-scale role-playing game You're like what is my character gonna be like?

02:21:19.000 Oh your character is a barbarian.

02:21:21.000 You're in the matrix.

02:21:22.000 That's what you're showing me You're describing like when Morpheus talks to Neo, he's like, hey, what do you think?

02:21:28.000 The red pill or the blue pill?

02:21:30.000 Yeah, it is like that.

02:21:31.000 And it is essentially what it will be. 0.99

02:21:34.000 If we stay in this human form, essentially someone's going to figure out a way to put a helmet on you or put a fucking spike in the back of your head that locks your central nervous system into this gigantic computer that starts sending signals to your brain and tricks your brain to think it's riding on a horse through the fucking... 0.99

02:21:53.000 The Saudi Arabian Desert. 0.99

02:21:55.000 That's gonna come.

02:21:56.000 It's just whether or not it's here yet.

02:21:58.000 It's gonna come.

02:21:59.000 They're gonna keep making things.

02:22:00.000 If we don't blow each other up, there's gonna be a cell phone that lets you see God. 0.65

02:22:04.000 You're gonna call God.

02:22:06.000 God's gonna be in front of you, hugging you, giving you love.

02:22:09.000 Isn't that what psychedelics are kind of like?

02:22:11.000 Yeah.

02:22:12.000 Well, that could be what we're trying to recreate.

02:22:15.000 What we're trying to get to could be like a state that's similar to what exists already in nature.

02:22:20.000 Maybe they're interconnected in some sort of a way.

02:22:23.000 Maybe someone who is anti-drug will figure out a way to recreate psychedelic experiences using only technology that...

02:22:30.000 Interfaces with your brain and turns all those chemicals on.

02:22:33.000 But don't you think we're capable of doing that ourselves because we're part of nature in a way like we're all connected to the universe in some way and so if we just focused on like not to sound like Russell Brand but like if we all just like took time to like meditate and like get in contact with ourselves and like realize that we're all connected in a strange web that we could potentially have that like That would definitely help.

02:22:56.000 And this is the other thing about people that are angry all the time or people that are lashing out at people all the time.

02:23:01.000 That energy that you put out is not a one-way thing.

02:23:05.000 It comes back at you.

02:23:06.000 Totally.

02:23:07.000 And it also makes you feel a certain way.

02:23:09.000 So it poisons you as well.

02:23:11.000 Well, and it poisons the other people. 1.00

02:23:13.000 If I go and attack you and I'm like, Joe, you fucking, whatever, you suck, blah, blah, blah, and I'm attacking you, then there's going to be, I mean, I know you're tough and whatever, but there's still a part of that energy, the negative energy that's going to go into you and go, 1.00

02:23:28.000 maybe for a second, I don't know how long, but depending on how weak or strong-willed or minded you are, you're going to attach part of that to yourself and be like, maybe I am bad, and I'll just lean into that. 1.00

02:23:39.000 Some people do.

02:23:40.000 Some people definitely lean in. 1.00

02:23:41.000 If you call them an asshole, they just become more of an asshole. 1.00

02:23:43.000 I think that might be the case with Trump. 1.00

02:23:45.000 I think if you look at who he was before he became president and how antagonistic he is now that he is president, there was some of that before, like when you get mad at Rosie O'Donnell or someone and insult people.

02:23:58.000 But it seems like now it's like...

02:24:00.000 Way more prevalent in his behavior. 0.98

02:24:03.000 I think a lot of that is probably connected to the fact that so many people fucking hate him and they're criticizing him. 0.96

02:24:08.000 Like his last days, if you think about who he is, right? 0.98

02:24:12.000 He's 75 years old or something like that, right?

02:24:14.000 He's so hot.

02:24:15.000 How old is he?

02:24:20.000 Somebody must think he's hot.

02:24:22.000 For sure.

02:24:23.000 For sure.

02:24:23.000 How old is he?

02:24:25.000 Just turned 74. Do you think Melania thinks he's hot?

02:24:27.000 No.

02:24:28.000 She does what she can, what she's got.

02:24:30.000 But he's 74 years old.

02:24:34.000 You know, that's...

02:24:35.000 It's such a weird age to have a president.

02:24:39.000 But it makes sense because then you learn a lot from life.

02:24:43.000 I guess.

02:24:43.000 But what I was going to say is...

02:24:46.000 Generally, you don't live to be much older than 90. Most people.

02:24:51.000 So the last years, before that, he's in rap songs.

02:24:55.000 Everybody's like, he's got his own show on NBC. You're fired.

02:24:58.000 Yeah, everybody loves when he does that.

02:25:00.000 I love when he fires people.

02:25:01.000 I love when he's mean.

02:25:02.000 He was the hero.

02:25:03.000 He was like this guy who was like this badass businessman that had his name on everything, and now all of a sudden everybody hates him.

02:25:09.000 But it's like, What do you want?

02:25:13.000 What do you really want?

02:25:14.000 Because if you want to be the top guy, you want to be the President of the United States.

02:25:19.000 You want to be that one person that dictates policy, could literally change the way our society functions.

02:25:25.000 You have this weird power where if your friends go to jail, you could exonerate them.

02:25:29.000 Allie, I'm going to let you out.

02:25:31.000 I'm going to give you a presidential pardon.

02:25:33.000 We still have presidential pardons. 0.73

02:25:35.000 Crazy.

02:25:35.000 Like a person could just decide.

02:25:36.000 They're the president, so they get to do it. 0.99

02:25:38.000 Like we let this medieval shit exist in 2020 where you could just decide. 0.97

02:25:42.000 And I feel like most presidents don't do much. 0.99

02:25:45.000 Oh, they do a lot with it.

02:25:46.000 Really?

02:25:46.000 Oh yes, they do.

02:25:48.000 They pardon hundreds of people.

02:25:50.000 There's so many people in jail who don't need to be...

02:25:53.000 That's true.

02:25:54.000 Yeah.

02:25:54.000 Well, that's where people like the Innocence Project and I have these guys on my show.

02:25:58.000 Yeah, I know.

02:25:59.000 Yeah, two guys.

02:26:00.000 Did you ever get into Serial, that podcast about Anand Syed?

02:26:05.000 Anand Syed?

02:26:06.000 What is that?

02:26:07.000 Serial.

02:26:08.000 It was like a super popular podcast about this girl who was murdered and they put her boyfriend in jail.

02:26:15.000 But the story, it's like...

02:26:17.000 The podcast is them going into the story and all the details and it's just interesting hearing about...

02:26:24.000 She was innocent?

02:26:25.000 I don't know.

02:26:26.000 That's up to the audience to decide.

02:26:29.000 That's again...

02:26:29.000 But he was like...

02:26:30.000 He was 17. So, I don't know.

02:26:33.000 Part of me wants to be... 0.95

02:26:34.000 I'm very naive and young and somewhat dumb for the most part. 0.80

02:26:38.000 And so, there's part of me that's like... 0.72

02:26:40.000 But if he did do it.

02:26:42.000 If he did murder his ex-girlfriend and he was 17...

02:26:47.000 And he's in jail for life.

02:26:48.000 No option of parole at this point.

02:26:51.000 And it's like, I feel like prison systems should be able to have a rehabilitation process so that way someone like him who might not be a guy, even if he did it, he's not going to do it again.

02:27:03.000 It's like, do you know what I mean?

02:27:05.000 Let me take a breath.

02:27:08.000 What are you trying to say?

02:27:11.000 If you go to jail for murder, but you're not the type of person who's like, you're not like a serial murderer.

02:27:18.000 You're just like, he was in high school, maybe he was misguided by his friends.

02:27:21.000 He didn't know what to do.

02:27:23.000 Ex-girlfriend, yeah.

02:27:25.000 But did he?

02:27:25.000 I don't know.

02:27:26.000 So there's two things possible. 0.98

02:27:28.000 One, I think if you kill your girlfriend, I think you forfeit your life. 0.99

02:27:32.000 Sure.

02:27:32.000 Because if we don't have unbelievably strict rules like that, you're going to have people doing that more often.

02:27:39.000 There is something that influences people to be good, and most of it is being a good person feels good, but part of it is punishment.

02:27:51.000 Part of it is punitive stuff.

02:27:53.000 Do you think for life?

02:27:54.000 But here's the thing.

02:27:55.000 You don't let me finish my sentence because this is the most important part.

02:27:58.000 We'd have to know for sure you did it.

02:28:00.000 And I don't think they do that now.

02:28:02.000 So that's one of the real problems we have.

02:28:04.000 And then once you get into the system, even if they know you're innocent, it takes months sometimes before you get out, right?

02:28:10.000 Even if you have an appeal, like there's a lot going on there.

02:28:13.000 And that's kind of the thing.

02:28:14.000 That's the thing.

02:28:15.000 It's like, I think that if you take someone's life like that, you forfeit your life.

02:28:20.000 But how do I know you did it?

02:28:22.000 How do I absolutely know you did it? 0.98

02:28:23.000 Because I definitely know that people are in jail for shit they didn't do. 0.88

02:28:26.000 Until you have a completely just, non-biased justice system that isn't pressured by different attorneys or different prosecuting attorneys or governors or anybody. 0.98

02:28:42.000 You just have this magical fucking super intelligent group of humans that know exactly the right choice in how to punish someone.

02:28:52.000 We don't have that. 1.00

02:28:53.000 So the death penalty and all that shit, it's like, yeah, in theory, I think you should kill people that kill people. 1.00

02:28:59.000 Yeah, in theory, we don't want the world to be filled with serial killers. 1.00

02:29:03.000 We don't want someone who thinks it's cool to go to a park and shoot kids to stay alive.

02:29:07.000 In theory, I'm with you.

02:29:08.000 The problem is when we don't know. 0.99

02:29:10.000 Now, if we do know for sure this person did it, like there's video of them doing it, But even video now, it's like, fuck. 0.98

02:29:16.000 When is that going to be unreliable? 0.99

02:29:18.000 Yeah.

02:29:19.000 But the thing is, like with this guy, there wasn't enough, I personally think there wasn't enough evidence to say 100% without a doubt he was guilty, he should be in jail for life.

02:29:29.000 And then it's like, okay, so what if they prove that he is innocent, but he's been in jail since he was 17 years old.

02:29:34.000 He's been in prison since he was 17. How old's he now?

02:29:37.000 I think this case was in like 2000, early 2000s, maybe 2003. And so now he's only known his life as someone who's been in the prison system.

02:29:46.000 And maybe for something he didn't do.

02:29:47.000 Yeah, and so if he gets out, how is he supposed to know what to do and be a productive member of society?

02:29:54.000 The event that led to the case happened in 1999. Oh my god.

02:30:00.000 Yeah.

02:30:02.000 That's where it's horrific if someone's innocent.

02:30:04.000 That's where it's horrific.

02:30:06.000 And again, I go back to this again, but we've got to be able to read each other's minds.

02:30:09.000 That's what they're going to say.

02:30:10.000 You know how they're doing contact tracing with COVID? We need to know who you've contacted, Allie.

02:30:15.000 Allie, if you've contacted someone who's positive, we need to know.

02:30:17.000 And if you haven't, you should be able to go in any restaurant you want.

02:30:19.000 Just have your app ready and wear your wristband.

02:30:22.000 And this is what we're probably going to do with that, too.

02:30:25.000 But then isn't that like, uh...

02:30:27.000 Ali, you can't commit crime if I can read your mind, right?

02:30:29.000 And you don't want to commit crime, do you?

02:30:31.000 No?

02:30:32.000 Then let me read your mind.

02:30:33.000 Just put the helmet on, we'll all read each other's minds, and no one ever goes to jail unjustly. 1.00

02:30:38.000 If your own privacy is more important than all these people that are doing life in prison for shit they didn't do, what, because you want to let people read your mind and find out that you masturbate to fucking feet? 1.00

02:30:52.000 That's my thing. 1.00

02:30:53.000 I told you not to say that on the podcast.

02:30:56.000 Dirty feet, too.

02:30:57.000 I like hangnails.

02:30:59.000 Caked in clay.

02:31:00.000 I just picture someone.

02:31:02.000 That's what we're going to do.

02:31:03.000 The way it's a slippery slope to contact tracing, you want to keep people safe, it's going to be, don't you want no crime to exist?

02:31:11.000 Don't you want no people to be unjustly punished?

02:31:13.000 Then let us read your mind.

02:31:15.000 We're gonna just read each other's minds.

02:31:16.000 I think the separation between each other's thoughts like that we enjoy now where you can deceive each other and we can, you know, you can spin a yarn or be a good salesperson. 1.00

02:31:25.000 That shit's going out the window. 0.99

02:31:26.000 That's like blockbuster video. 1.00

02:31:27.000 That's gonna be a useless thing. 0.97

02:31:30.000 Crazy. 0.96

02:31:30.000 That's what I think. 0.96

02:31:31.000 Okay. 0.99

02:31:32.000 But I'm dumb. 0.88

02:31:33.000 I might be wrong. 0.98

02:31:34.000 Same.

02:31:34.000 I might be wrong.

02:31:37.000 So, let's wrap this up.

02:31:38.000 Allie, when we do get a comedy club set up in Texas, you must come.

02:31:42.000 I'm so down.

02:31:43.000 Grace us with your presence.

02:31:45.000 I think we'll start looking around the spring.

02:31:49.000 Oh. 1.00

02:31:50.000 When hopefully this shit bowls over. 1.00

02:31:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:53.000 I'm so happy for you.

02:31:54.000 I'm happy for you.

02:31:55.000 I'm bummed you're leaving.

02:31:56.000 Not that I really see you that often.

02:31:58.000 I'll be here.

02:31:58.000 I'll be there.

02:31:59.000 I'll be moving around.

02:32:00.000 Once you move around a little bit, I'll be moving around.

02:32:03.000 Okay.

02:32:03.000 I'm still always going to come to the store.

02:32:05.000 Sweet.

02:32:06.000 Alright, my friend.

02:32:06.000 Thanks for having me on.

02:32:08.000 My pleasure.

02:32:08.000 Tell everybody your Instagram.

02:32:09.000 My Instagram's notallymac, N-O-T-A-L-I-M-A-C. My podcast is Resting Bitch, and that's all you need to know about me. 0.90

02:32:17.000 That's all you need to know. 0.59

02:32:18.000 Alright, bye everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 15, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1526 - Ali Macofsky

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