The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1563 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

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00:00:12.000 Hello Tony.

00:00:13.000 Yeah.

00:00:13.000 Salute my friend.

00:00:15.000 Good to see you on the right side of America.

00:00:19.000 Feels good out here.

00:00:20.000 Feels good, right?

00:00:21.000 Whole different feel.

00:00:22.000 Feels normal.

00:00:23.000 Yeah.

00:00:23.000 People aren't terrified.

00:00:25.000 Correct. 0.98

00:00:25.000 They got everybody scared as fuck in California. 0.98

00:00:28.000 It's horrible, man. 0.99

00:00:29.000 Everything's shut down.

00:00:30.000 Everything feels bad.

00:00:32.000 It's sad.

00:00:33.000 It is sad.

00:00:34.000 The more businesses are completely closed, the sadder it is.

00:00:38.000 It's seeing stuff that you know.

00:00:40.000 Yeah.

00:00:41.000 In the memories that you have there.

00:00:43.000 It's also, I think it's harder to bounce back in big places.

00:00:47.000 I think it's harder for big places to bounce back.

00:00:50.000 Because you get, like, all these stores closed down.

00:00:53.000 Like, all the stores that got hit hard with the looting on Melrose, like, they're still closed, right?

00:00:57.000 Yeah.

00:00:58.000 Most of them.

00:00:59.000 Have any of them come back?

00:00:59.000 Most of them.

00:01:00.000 Yeah.

00:01:00.000 When you drive down, the last time I was there, it's like boarded up, boarded up, boarded up, four lease, four lease, four lease.

00:01:06.000 I'm like, this takes a long time to come back.

00:01:09.000 It feels that way for sure.

00:01:11.000 Some places are open, but it's not the same vibe.

00:01:14.000 Yeah, out here they're not interested in shutting things down the same way, especially the governor.

00:01:19.000 He's like, we've got to keep businesses open.

00:01:20.000 And he's right.

00:01:21.000 Like, you can do it safely.

00:01:23.000 I mean, I think you could do it safely here better than California because there's lower numbers.

00:01:27.000 There's less people.

00:01:28.000 It's not just, you know, everyone's on its smooshed in together.

00:01:32.000 And everyone's more relaxed because of that.

00:01:34.000 It makes you realize, when you come to a place that has less humans, it makes you realize, like, oh, that's better.

00:01:40.000 Like, there's plenty of people out here.

00:01:41.000 It's not like we're in the farms.

00:01:43.000 In the country, in the middle of nowhere, in the mountains.

00:01:45.000 It's not like that.

00:01:46.000 It's a city.

00:01:47.000 But it's a less populated city.

00:01:49.000 And everything's just a little more...

00:01:52.000 Yeah, relaxed.

00:01:53.000 LA is a giant county.

00:01:56.000 People think it's a city, and it's just a massive, huge place.

00:02:01.000 And it smushes in with Orange County, which is even more populated, right?

00:02:06.000 No, LA is probably more populated than Orange County.

00:02:09.000 Orange County is so dense, though.

00:02:11.000 The traffic in Orange County on the 405 is mind-blowing.

00:02:15.000 It's mind-blowing.

00:02:16.000 When you're driving down to San Diego, and you're just like...

00:02:19.000 Where are all these people coming from?

00:02:21.000 Right.

00:02:21.000 There's so many of them.

00:02:23.000 And north, too.

00:02:24.000 I went up to Pebble Beach a couple weeks ago.

00:02:26.000 Traffic's just crazy.

00:02:27.000 I mean, six lanes.

00:02:29.000 You're all in with the golfing.

00:02:30.000 Look at you.

00:02:30.000 It's unbelievable.

00:02:31.000 You took a trip to Pebble Beach.

00:02:32.000 I'm telling you, dude, it's the greatest thing.

00:02:35.000 Out of nowhere.

00:02:36.000 I went to go smoke pot with my buddy Pete one day, and then, you know, he's like, yeah, I'm golfing.

00:02:41.000 I'm like, great, I'll smoke pot with you there.

00:02:43.000 I figured I would just drive the cart and have fun.

00:02:46.000 The rest is history.

00:02:47.000 Addicted.

00:02:48.000 I caught myself the other day watching a thing on the TV, like golf lessons or whatever, and at the same time I was on my iPad on YouTube not realizing I was doing two at once, learning how to chip.

00:03:02.000 It's so much fun.

00:03:03.000 It's very dangerous.

00:03:04.000 It's why I never played.

00:03:05.000 Why is it dangerous?

00:03:06.000 Because it's a suck of time. 0.97

00:03:08.000 It sucks time. 0.98

00:03:09.000 Not that it's bad. 0.98

00:03:10.000 People enjoy it.

00:03:11.000 And as far as activities that suck time, I mean, at least you're walking around, you're out in nature, you got all that beautiful green grass, you know?

00:03:21.000 There's positives to it.

00:03:22.000 It's definitely an interesting thing to suck time because it gives me energy and when I'm away from it, I can think more clearly about everything else.

00:03:31.000 It's very meditative.

00:03:33.000 You're always thinking about your next shot or your last shot, what you did wrong, what you could have done better for the next one.

00:03:40.000 So it's like when I'm out there, I'm not looking at my phone for four or five hours, which is great.

00:03:45.000 I'm not thinking about anything else so that when I do afterwards, And you know, normally most days, if I don't do that, I sort of like crash out around evening time.

00:03:57.000 But if it's a golf day, even if I'm up at 6, 5, 7am, I have energy all day, all night after that.

00:04:04.000 Those are the best days now.

00:04:06.000 Yeah, it's probably like archery's like that.

00:04:10.000 It's meditative.

00:04:11.000 It helps clear your mind.

00:04:12.000 Because it's so difficult, right?

00:04:14.000 You're concentrating so hard on each individual putt and shot.

00:04:18.000 Did I say it right?

00:04:19.000 Putt?

00:04:19.000 What do you call them?

00:04:20.000 Shots?

00:04:20.000 Drives?

00:04:21.000 It depends on what you're shooting.

00:04:23.000 The drive is from the tee.

00:04:23.000 Talk to me about your knowledge.

00:04:24.000 Yeah, the drive is from the tee.

00:04:26.000 That's the first shot.

00:04:27.000 That's power.

00:04:28.000 Hopefully some accuracy.

00:04:29.000 You're aiming for the middle.

00:04:31.000 Is that the hardest to get good at?

00:04:33.000 No, putting's the hardest.

00:04:34.000 Really?

00:04:34.000 Yeah.

00:04:35.000 But what about miniature golf?

00:04:36.000 It's all touch.

00:04:37.000 Putting's the most, like, archery.

00:04:38.000 Miniature golf isn't really the same.

00:04:41.000 It's not.

00:04:42.000 No, on the golf course, there's no windmill to knock it back at you.

00:04:45.000 Gotta get it up that ramp.

00:04:46.000 That ramp's narrow.

00:04:48.000 The ramp?

00:04:48.000 Yeah, the ramp to get to the windmill.

00:04:51.000 Right, you gotta get it in the clown's mouth, just like at Pebble Beach. 0.98

00:04:54.000 I'm like, excuse me, where are your clowns?

00:04:57.000 There's no other sport that's worth millions of dollars, if you're the best, that also has a miniature version that little kids play.

00:05:03.000 Right? 0.93

00:05:04.000 Like a fucked up version with all like bumpers everywhere and weird holes. 0.98

00:05:10.000 It's fun though. 0.99

00:05:11.000 It's on concrete with fucking fake grass over it, right? 0.99

00:05:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:15.000 I guess there's bumper pool, but pool's not nearly as popular as golf in terms of money, you know?

00:05:24.000 Golfers make legit cash.

00:05:26.000 This is Bryson DeChambeau.

00:05:27.000 You know who that is?

00:05:28.000 Powerful drive.

00:05:29.000 423-yard drive.

00:05:31.000 That is insanity.

00:05:32.000 That's so far.

00:05:34.000 And he did this on purpose.

00:05:35.000 There was an interview recently about him because he's been getting popularity.

00:05:38.000 He decided to get jacked.

00:05:41.000 He hits it 40, 50 yards farther than Tiger Woods ever did.

00:05:45.000 Jesus.

00:05:46.000 So he's just decided to get really big.

00:05:47.000 He looks like a football player.

00:05:49.000 Yeah.

00:05:50.000 Who's that one dude that does the thing at the driving ranges where he steps his leg up in the air like he's throwing a pitch and then he steps forward?

00:05:58.000 Crazy torque.

00:05:59.000 He's got this crazy move he does where he lifts his leg up and then he steps into it.

00:06:03.000 And wax it.

00:06:04.000 Yeah, there's videos of him on YouTube.

00:06:06.000 We've actually talked about him before.

00:06:08.000 I don't think he's hitting it that far, though.

00:06:10.000 I don't think anybody's hitting it 423. Maybe some weird pro driver guy, but yeah, this guy's a freak.

00:06:15.000 Well, also, this guy's accurate.

00:06:17.000 I mean, he's hitting it exactly in the middle.

00:06:19.000 Look where it lands.

00:06:20.000 And he just won the Masters, I do believe.

00:06:23.000 No, that's what's going on right now.

00:06:24.000 He won the U.S. Open.

00:06:25.000 Yeah, the US Open.

00:06:26.000 And what's crazy about him, so what's crazy about the sport of golf is that that's your first shot, and then after that, touch.

00:06:33.000 As you get closer to the hole, touch becomes so much more important.

00:06:36.000 So this guy can do that, and he can also make a 10-foot putt that has a hill from right to left, and then bends from left to right, like...

00:06:45.000 There's a comparison, I guess, to pool, the break shot.

00:06:49.000 Some guys have crazy break shots with a lot of power.

00:06:53.000 And then afterwards, it's a touch and finesse game.

00:06:56.000 Right.

00:06:56.000 And some guys might get in their head on the eight ball, which is every hole, every putt.

00:07:00.000 It's the most frustrating, yet rewarding part.

00:07:03.000 Also, you guys, you're not playing on flat surface.

00:07:05.000 You've got little hills you have to look at.

00:07:07.000 You've got to get low and try to figure out where you hit it on the hill to make it drop into the hole.

00:07:11.000 And in the morning, because the ground's moist, Especially in California, they water everything and then you're just in a desert.

00:07:19.000 So if you start at, say, 7 or 8 a.m., it's pretty straight.

00:07:26.000 And also, it's slower.

00:07:28.000 Because it's wet.

00:07:29.000 Right.

00:07:30.000 And by 10, 11, 12, once the heat kicks up, things are moving much faster.

00:07:35.000 So you have to adjust throughout the day from slow to fast and all these things.

00:07:40.000 So every hole literally changes as it goes on.

00:07:43.000 Yeah, that's the same with pool with moisture.

00:07:46.000 If you're playing in a place that has a lot of moisture, like some of the best players on Earth come from the Philippines.

00:07:52.000 And what happened is, soldiers, I believe in the Second World War, brought over to the Philippines pool.

00:08:00.000 They taught them pool.

00:08:01.000 And they play a lot of pool outside. 0.96

00:08:04.000 So they have these outside areas, like chickens running around and shit, and they're playing pool, like a lot of open air pool tables. 0.91

00:08:12.000 And obviously it's an island, so it's near the ocean. 0.92

00:08:14.000 There's probably a lot of humidity in the air.

00:08:16.000 And the tables, they also have this weird thing they do where they pour powder on the rails.

00:08:20.000 So they have baby powder because everything gets so slick because it's wet and sweaty and sticky and moist.

00:08:28.000 So they put baby powder near the pockets and they all touch the baby powder on their fingers and then the cue runs smoothly through your hand.

00:08:35.000 But then you're always touching the table.

00:08:36.000 So you're putting baby powder all over the table. 0.97

00:08:38.000 So the table gets really dirty.

00:08:39.000 So they're playing on these dirty, slow, wet tables.

00:08:43.000 And so they develop these real fluid strokes because they're so used to having to power the ball around these disgusting tables.

00:08:53.000 Not disgusting, but...

00:08:55.000 You would be upset if you played on a table like that in America.

00:08:58.000 You'd say, why don't you guys clean the table? 1.00

00:08:59.000 But over there, they don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:09:01.000 Also, they don't give a fuck if there's a bunch of people around the table. 1.00

00:09:03.000 So they have these games. 0.99

00:09:04.000 And I watch these games. 0.98

00:09:06.000 Like, if you looked at my YouTube feed, you'd fucking laugh. 0.90

00:09:08.000 Because, like, the suggested videos, the vast majority of them are Filipino pool. 0.97

00:09:17.000 I watch Efren Reyes.

00:09:19.000 If you look at Jeff Galing production, Jeff Galing is a guy who films simple stuff.

00:09:26.000 They film it with a tripod and a cell phone, and then they just film these pool matches.

00:09:32.000 And people get obsessed with watching Efren Reyes play these young guns in the Philippines.

00:09:37.000 Efren Reyes is probably the greatest pool player of all time.

00:09:40.000 Pretty widely regarded.

00:09:42.000 He's like the Hicks and Gracie of pool.

00:09:44.000 He looks like Manny Pacquiao, right? 0.98

00:09:48.000 Manny Pacquiao is a killer, by the way.

00:09:50.000 Manny Pacquiao is a killer pool player. 0.99

00:09:52.000 Really?

00:09:53.000 Oh my god.

00:09:54.000 Like, world class.

00:09:55.000 Like, Manny Pacquiao could play professional.

00:09:57.000 Wow.

00:09:58.000 Yeah.

00:09:59.000 Like, he gambles with professionals. 1.00

00:10:01.000 Damn. 1.00

00:10:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:02.000 My friend Max Eberle, who's... 0.99

00:10:04.000 You've met Max.

00:10:05.000 I think so.

00:10:06.000 I know you have.

00:10:07.000 He's a legit pro.

00:10:08.000 Like, Max is like world champion caliber pro and he's gambled with Manny Pacquiao.

00:10:14.000 And he said Manny Pacquiao's good.

00:10:15.000 He says you have to really bear down to beat him.

00:10:17.000 Like, they play a race to 10. He might beat Manny because Max is world class.

00:10:22.000 But he might beat Manny like 10 to 7 or 10 to 6. Whereas he beat me like 10 to 1 or 10 to 2. Like, Manny's much better than me.

00:10:29.000 He's really good.

00:10:30.000 Manny's better than you at pool?

00:10:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:32.000 He's legit.

00:10:33.000 There's Manny right there.

00:10:34.000 Yeah, dude, look at that.

00:10:35.000 Look at him kick that ball in, son.

00:10:37.000 Wow.

00:10:38.000 And get positioned on the six.

00:10:40.000 He's super legit.

00:10:42.000 Super legit.

00:10:43.000 And he's got a great stroke.

00:10:44.000 And he's also left-handed. 1.00

00:10:46.000 I think there's a thing about left-handed people, and I say this as a right-handed person, I think generally they're better at shit. 1.00

00:10:53.000 Yep. 1.00

00:10:54.000 I agree.

00:10:55.000 One of my best golf buddies who helps me get a lot better because he's great.

00:10:59.000 Look how good he is.

00:11:01.000 Dude, seriously. 0.99

00:11:02.000 Look how fucking good he is. 0.99

00:11:03.000 He bumped the 8. I don't know if he got positioned on the 5 there. 0.99

00:11:05.000 He might have fucked that up.

00:11:07.000 But he plays really good.

00:11:10.000 Yeah.

00:11:11.000 Like I said, if I saw him in a tournament and I didn't know it was Manny Pacquiao, I'd be like, oh, this guy's really good.

00:11:17.000 He's a pro.

00:11:18.000 He's essentially a pro.

00:11:19.000 But that's also because he's in the Philippines.

00:11:22.000 Look how good he gets!

00:11:24.000 Perfect position on the seven!

00:11:26.000 Watch this.

00:11:26.000 Seven to the eight, eight to the ten, and he's out.

00:11:29.000 Ten ball.

00:11:30.000 Watch this.

00:11:30.000 Pop!

00:11:32.000 If you watch how he strokes the ball, everything's super precise.

00:11:36.000 Look at his position.

00:11:37.000 He's a professional.

00:11:39.000 Like a legit professional.

00:11:41.000 So if Manny decides to retire from fighting and goes into professional pool, he might win some world championships. 0.92

00:11:49.000 Like, no bullshit.

00:11:50.000 I mean, he's still fighting actively. 0.98

00:11:52.000 They're actually talking about him fighting Conor McGregor right now, which is kind of bonkers.

00:11:56.000 Look at that.

00:11:56.000 Gets out.

00:11:57.000 Beautiful position.

00:11:58.000 Why do you say it's kind of bonkers?

00:12:01.000 Because you think Manny would dominate Conor?

00:12:05.000 Is that a question?

00:12:06.000 You're talking about one of the greatest boxers of all time against a guy with one professional boxing match.

00:12:11.000 I agree, and I'm a huge Manny Pacquiao fan.

00:12:14.000 Butt? 0.99

00:12:14.000 Is there a butt coming? 0.99

00:12:15.000 There is a butt coming. 1.00

00:12:16.000 I can't believe it. 0.89

00:12:17.000 The other week, I re-watched McGregor Mayweather since it's been done.

00:12:25.000 It was on my Showtime app, and I wanted to watch some boxing.

00:12:29.000 It popped up, and I clicked on it.

00:12:31.000 And I did not remember.

00:12:33.000 I remembered Connor shocking me with how good he did.

00:12:37.000 But I did not remember it being as close as it truly was.

00:12:41.000 Let me explain something.

00:12:43.000 The reason why it was close is because Mayweather let him blow his wad.

00:12:48.000 He just let him...

00:12:49.000 Look, he clipped Mayweather with a legit left uppercut early in the fight.

00:12:54.000 And I was kind of stunned.

00:12:55.000 I was like, wow, that's really legit.

00:12:58.000 Watch this.

00:12:58.000 Here we go.

00:12:59.000 See, what Connor, look at that.

00:13:01.000 If you see it, watch this left uppercut.

00:13:04.000 I don't think they replay it.

00:13:05.000 It's really quick.

00:13:06.000 Oh, so let's rewind a little bit just so I can see it because it's really, really good.

00:13:11.000 Look at that.

00:13:12.000 Left uppercut.

00:13:13.000 Here's the thing.

00:13:14.000 Mayweather had to figure out Conor's timing.

00:13:16.000 Because what Conor is, Conor is not a professional boxer, okay?

00:13:20.000 So because he's not a professional boxer, he's not as efficient and he's going to get tired easier.

00:13:26.000 Mayweather is one of the greatest, if not the greatest boxer of all time.

00:13:30.000 I say there's a real good argument he's the greatest of all time.

00:13:32.000 Yeah.

00:13:52.000 And gets everybody wanting to root for him to lose.

00:13:55.000 He'll show you all his Rolls Royces.

00:13:56.000 He'll show you all his money.

00:13:58.000 He'll show you all his watches.

00:13:59.000 And everybody's like, he's gonna go broke.

00:14:01.000 He's gonna go broke.

00:14:01.000 But he never does.

00:14:03.000 He keeps making money.

00:14:04.000 He keeps making money.

00:14:06.000 So...

00:14:07.000 Because if you look at his style, he's got a brilliant style.

00:14:12.000 His style is take the minimal amount of damage, find your openings, and then establish your game, and then dominate.

00:14:19.000 And that's what he's done to everybody.

00:14:20.000 That's what he did to Manny Pacquiao in their fight. 0.96

00:14:23.000 Manny Pacquiao apparently had a fucked up shoulder, but that's what he did to Ricky Hatton. 0.93

00:14:27.000 Dominated Ricky Hatton at the time was... 0.82

00:14:30.000 You know, one of the best in the world and a guy that a lot of people were interested in seeing how he would do against Mayweather.

00:14:36.000 And then the second fight with Maidana, you get to see the brilliance of Mayweather because you knew he got clipped in the first fight.

00:14:42.000 So he digested all of Maidana's movements and what he did wrong in the first fight and he came out in the second fight and just put on a clinic.

00:14:50.000 He's the best of all time.

00:14:51.000 Yeah.

00:14:51.000 But Conor...

00:14:54.000 He's a freak.

00:14:55.000 He's an explosive guy.

00:14:57.000 He's so fast.

00:14:58.000 And there's no remedy for that.

00:15:00.000 Right.

00:15:01.000 Other than getting a guy tired.

00:15:02.000 So what Mayweather was doing was boxing with him, but preserving.

00:15:07.000 Being safe.

00:15:09.000 Got clipped a couple times.

00:15:10.000 Realized that Conor can punch.

00:15:11.000 Conor can punch.

00:15:12.000 But just drag him into deep water.

00:15:15.000 Drag him into deep water.

00:15:16.000 And that's what a guy like Mayweather would do.

00:15:18.000 He's the most intelligent.

00:15:22.000 In terms of his overall strategy to preserve his health, yet to always win.

00:15:26.000 I mean, he's the most intelligent.

00:15:27.000 He's so good.

00:15:29.000 You know, all the greats have suffered losses and setbacks, except him.

00:15:35.000 Yeah.

00:15:35.000 Except him.

00:15:36.000 We don't even know what it's like.

00:15:37.000 We don't even know how he would recover.

00:15:39.000 We know he's had tough fights.

00:15:40.000 He's had a couple of tough fights. 0.98

00:15:42.000 Dude, he's so goddamn good. 0.96

00:15:44.000 He's so protected. 0.97

00:15:45.000 He knows where to be and where not to be.

00:15:48.000 He's so composed.

00:15:49.000 Look at that.

00:15:50.000 Look at that movement.

00:15:51.000 Look how he moves away from everything.

00:15:53.000 So you're punching at air, and you're still threatening, but you're not really hitting him, and he's making you throw punches. 0.99

00:15:59.000 And occasionally you clip him with a shot as he's moving away and he rolls with a lot of shit. 0.99

00:16:04.000 You gotta be a guy like Sugar Shane Mosley clipped him. 1.00

00:16:08.000 Really clipped him.

00:16:09.000 Like really hurt him. 1.00

00:16:10.000 And he just grabbed a hold of him and held on to him and eventually started kicking Sugar Shane's ass. 1.00

00:16:14.000 Just took time. 0.99

00:16:17.000 If you're a young boxer and you want to know what it's like to be a 41-year-old and still be at the top of your game, you've got to be like him.

00:16:25.000 Or like Bernard Hopkins.

00:16:26.000 When Bernard Hopkins was at the top of his game, he was older.

00:16:30.000 He was in his 40s.

00:16:32.000 I think he was 36 when he beat Felix Trinidad.

00:16:35.000 And a lot of people were like, Bernard's done.

00:16:36.000 It's over.

00:16:37.000 Felix Trinidad.

00:16:38.000 Tito Trinidad is the future.

00:16:39.000 And he lit Felix Trinidad on fire.

00:16:42.000 Yeah.

00:16:43.000 And then the same thing with Kelly Pavlik.

00:16:45.000 He lit Kelly Pavlik on fire.

00:16:46.000 I was just going to say, I was not expecting that.

00:16:47.000 We were expecting that to be Kelly Pavlik's big return, and he got smashed.

00:16:52.000 Bernard Hopkins is a national treasure.

00:16:55.000 Look at that.

00:16:57.000 Conor pops him with that jab, and that was uncomfortable, but...

00:17:01.000 Look how calm he is.

00:17:03.000 Stop.

00:17:03.000 Back that up.

00:17:04.000 Back that up a second. 0.99

00:17:05.000 Look how goddamn calm he is. 0.98

00:17:07.000 Watch his jab come to Floyd's face. 0.99

00:17:09.000 He doesn't even blink.

00:17:10.000 It touches him in the nose, but he knows it's not going to hurt him.

00:17:13.000 Look at this.

00:17:14.000 Watch this.

00:17:14.000 Look at this.

00:17:15.000 Look at this.

00:17:15.000 He doesn't even move!

00:17:17.000 Wow.

00:17:17.000 He doesn't even move.

00:17:18.000 He's a master of distance.

00:17:20.000 He really is.

00:17:21.000 A master of distance.

00:17:23.000 Bernard was a master of distance, too, and Bernard was a different kind of style, different kind of defensive style.

00:17:29.000 Bernard, like, would frustrate guys a lot.

00:17:31.000 He would clench with them, tie you up, make it very physical.

00:17:34.000 And guys get real frustrated, and they didn't know what to do, and they just wanted to fucking start winging punches, and then he'd get right in your face again and clench a hold of you, but then break with you and catch you with the left hook, break, catch you with the right hand.

00:17:45.000 Always defensive, always protected, always disciplined, you know?

00:17:49.000 Frustrating your opponent in boxing is one of the interesting things, right?

00:17:53.000 Like Holyfield Tyson, it's crazy.

00:17:55.000 Everybody remembers the ear bite, but not a lot of people talk about the massive amount of clenching and headbutts that Holyfield was landing on him in that fight.

00:18:05.000 It's very clear when you watch it again.

00:18:08.000 Well, the headbutts are interesting.

00:18:09.000 It's like the question is, did he do it on purpose?

00:18:11.000 And that's what Tyson was saying, that he's doing this on purpose.

00:18:15.000 He's trying to cut me, and he's cutting my face, and that's when Tyson bit his ear.

00:18:19.000 And Tyson's idea, at the time at least, was that he was doing it on purpose.

00:18:24.000 But it's also his style.

00:18:26.000 His style is to put his head on your chest.

00:18:30.000 Put his forehead on your chest and just make it a test of wills. 0.59

00:18:35.000 Very few human beings have the kind of will that Evander Holyfield has.

00:18:39.000 You ever watch the Riddick Bowe fights?

00:18:41.000 Yeah.

00:18:42.000 Those are crazy to watch because Riddick Bowe was way bigger than Holyfield.

00:18:45.000 You've got to remember, Holyfield is a cruiserweight champion.

00:18:48.000 So Holyfield...

00:18:50.000 I wanna say he fought light heavyweight in the Olympics.

00:18:53.000 I might be wrong about that.

00:18:56.000 I wanna say he fought at like 176 in the Olympics.

00:19:02.000 Find out what he fought at.

00:19:03.000 I used to have a subscription when I was a kid to The Ring Magazine.

00:19:07.000 Oh yeah.

00:19:08.000 The Bible of Boxing, son.

00:19:10.000 They have a lineal heavyweight belt.

00:19:12.000 They give out their own belt.

00:19:14.000 The Ring belt is as prestigious as any other belt.

00:19:17.000 WBC, WBO, WBA. It has the red, white, and blue side straps.

00:19:21.000 Yeah, it's got like crazy ruffles to it and like old school.

00:19:24.000 Looks like something Jack Johnson would have wore.

00:19:26.000 So cool.

00:19:27.000 Oh, it's the coolest.

00:19:28.000 It's weird how like cool trophies and stuff sometimes get weird.

00:19:32.000 Like I was thinking about that the other day about the green jacket.

00:19:35.000 The masters, they give you a weird, basically the ugliest jacket.

00:19:40.000 It's like, you're such a badass, you can wear a disgusting jacket. 0.61

00:19:44.000 Yeah.

00:19:45.000 And you see those guys when they're all together, and it's like, hey!

00:19:49.000 They're so happy to be wearing these ugly jackets together. 0.99

00:19:52.000 Fucking diamonds and Rolexes wearing a gross jacket. 1.00

00:19:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:57.000 It says his first professional fight was at Light Heavy, but right before that, he was listed around age 21 at 178, which is around the time he was in the Olympics.

00:20:07.000 So he probably fought at light heavyweight.

00:20:10.000 So if his first professional fight was light heavyweight, and then he went on to be the cruiserweight champion, he beat Dwight Mohamed Kawi, who used to be Dwight Braxton.

00:20:20.000 Dwight Braxton was 5'7", 200 pounds.

00:20:24.000 He was a tank.

00:20:26.000 And he would come at you like real low. 1.00

00:20:28.000 He would get in a crouch and guys would be like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:20:30.000 He'd be like, way down here. 1.00

00:20:32.000 And he was just fucking jacked. 1.00

00:20:34.000 And he was another guy out of prison, so just tough as shit. 1.00

00:20:38.000 Like Bernard Hopkins. 0.99

00:20:40.000 Bernard Hopkins learned a lot of his discipline by being locked up.

00:20:42.000 He's like, I never want this to happen to me again.

00:20:44.000 There's a famous story about Bernard leaving prison and one of the guards saying, you'll be back.

00:20:50.000 And he was like... 1.00

00:20:52.000 Not me, bitch. 1.00

00:20:53.000 I'm Bernard Hopkins, motherfucker. 1.00

00:20:55.000 I'm going to be a world champion and I'm going to get this chapter out of my life. 0.99

00:21:00.000 And went on to be one of the most disciplined boxers ever.

00:21:03.000 That's why he was able to compete deep into his 40s.

00:21:06.000 He lost to Joe Smith.

00:21:07.000 I think he was 51 when he lost his final fight. 0.99

00:21:10.000 And Joe Smith Jr. is just fucking savage. 0.99

00:21:13.000 Like one of those barbarian construction workers who still has a full-time job but still fights at a world-class level. 0.99

00:21:20.000 Scary.

00:21:21.000 Savage.

00:21:21.000 Savage human being.

00:21:23.000 Did you see the fighter who had his jaw split and fought for like four more rounds with it?

00:21:29.000 What?

00:21:30.000 The bottom mandible.

00:21:32.000 That happens.

00:21:32.000 It breaks in half right here and it goes up and down.

00:21:34.000 Oh.

00:21:35.000 Yeah, check this out. 1.00

00:21:36.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:21:37.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:21:38.000 Oh, no.

00:21:39.000 Look how it's dropped down.

00:21:41.000 They said it happened in the second round and they kept fighting.

00:21:43.000 And he kept fighting?

00:21:43.000 He wanted to fight, but they had to tell him, hey, your jaw's broken.

00:21:47.000 That's not good.

00:21:49.000 Well, the problem...

00:21:50.000 Oh my god, that's so broken.

00:21:52.000 The problem is it'll tear all the tissue in there and it'll never heal right.

00:21:56.000 Oh my god.

00:21:57.000 Benjamin Hussein from Australia.

00:21:59.000 Who hit him?

00:22:00.000 Uh...

00:22:03.000 Ben Mahoney.

00:22:04.000 They thought it just dislodged his mouthpiece, and then a bunch of blood started coming out.

00:22:10.000 There was a woman who had that in an MMA fight. 1.00

00:22:15.000 Kim Couture.

00:22:16.000 She was Randy Couture's wife at the time.

00:22:18.000 And her jaw did the same thing.

00:22:20.000 Dropped down.

00:22:21.000 You can see it moving.

00:22:22.000 Oh, my God.

00:22:23.000 That is crazy.

00:22:25.000 That's crazy.

00:22:26.000 Look at the...

00:22:26.000 Oh, my God.

00:22:28.000 Oh, my God.

00:22:31.000 Good lord.

00:22:33.000 Can you imagine the headache the next day?

00:22:36.000 I saw a video of a lion that got kicked by a gazelle and had a broken jaw. 0.99

00:22:41.000 That's some hard shit to look at because you're like, ooh, this is not going to last. 0.99

00:22:46.000 There's no recovering from that, right? 0.99

00:22:48.000 No.

00:22:49.000 If you're a lion because you can't eat.

00:22:50.000 Hospitals.

00:22:50.000 Right?

00:22:51.000 No lion hospitals.

00:22:53.000 Lions have one shot at getting injured.

00:22:55.000 They get injured once in their life and then it's over.

00:23:00.000 So how long do you think they last after an injury like that?

00:23:03.000 Dead.

00:23:03.000 Dead within a couple weeks.

00:23:04.000 They usually starve to death.

00:23:05.000 How do you not starve to death if you can't eat?

00:23:07.000 You think the lion keeps thinking... 1.00

00:23:08.000 You think they have memories and they're like, that fucking gazelle. 1.00

00:23:11.000 That fucking gazelle. 1.00

00:23:12.000 Nope. 1.00

00:23:13.000 I think they hold no grudges.

00:23:14.000 Right.

00:23:15.000 I think grudges are connected to cognitive function, like our ego, our understanding of ourself.

00:23:21.000 That's like, oh, I'm going to get him back.

00:23:22.000 Because it's like your ego.

00:23:23.000 I don't think animals have an ego.

00:23:25.000 They have a sense of fair, though.

00:23:27.000 Animals have a sense of fair.

00:23:29.000 Some animals do, at least.

00:23:30.000 Chimps do.

00:23:31.000 One of the reasons why chimps attack people is because if people give something to someone else and they don't give it to them, they have a real sense of fairness.

00:23:39.000 Wow.

00:23:40.000 Yeah, there's a famous story of this guy who had a pet chimp.

00:23:44.000 And then the thing about chimps is you can keep them when they're young and then they get older and it's like a man, but a man that's five times stronger than you.

00:23:52.000 And like, why is he going to listen to you?

00:23:53.000 He's not going to listen to you.

00:23:55.000 So I think he started biting off fingers.

00:23:57.000 It's one of the things that chimps do. 0.52

00:23:59.000 When chimps get mad at you, they bite off your finger.

00:24:01.000 Yeah, just to let you know.

00:24:02.000 They're the boss. 0.99

00:24:03.000 Like, they don't give a fuck if you're injured. 0.99

00:24:04.000 They have no remorse, right? 0.98

00:24:06.000 And they're intelligent.

00:24:07.000 So you have this thing that's not a dog.

00:24:09.000 It's not a person.

00:24:10.000 It's this weird in-between thing.

00:24:13.000 It's an animal, but it's also intelligent.

00:24:15.000 And so when you do something for someone else, but you don't do something for them, they get rage.

00:24:20.000 Like, horrific rage.

00:24:22.000 So this guy gets rid of this chimp, brings it to a shelter. 1.00

00:24:25.000 The shelter takes it in.

00:24:27.000 And he goes to visit it every year, and the chimp goes to see him, like, oh, my friend, I miss you, I miss you, why can't I come home? 1.00

00:24:32.000 But he can't come home, ever, because he would just take over the house, right?

00:24:35.000 Because he's a grown chimp. 1.00

00:24:37.000 They don't castrate chimps, the way they castrate dogs.

00:24:41.000 When you castrate a dog, it's standard.

00:24:43.000 People think it's good.

00:24:45.000 Oh, did you get your dog neutered?

00:24:46.000 Yeah, I did.

00:24:47.000 And you're like, you want your dog to have no testosterone. 1.00

00:24:50.000 You want your dog to have no balls. 1.00

00:24:51.000 But then it becomes a different thing. 0.99

00:24:53.000 Then it's like tired.

00:24:56.000 Have you ever seen a dog get snipped?

00:24:58.000 I had one of my dogs get snipped when it was five years old.

00:25:01.000 He was just too aggressive.

00:25:02.000 And so someone talked me into it.

00:25:03.000 And then when I got him snipped, all of a sudden he was just tired all the time.

00:25:06.000 He was lazy.

00:25:07.000 And I realized, oh, he didn't have any testosterone anymore.

00:25:09.000 It's all gone.

00:25:10.000 I'm like, wow.

00:25:11.000 So the dog's a different dog now.

00:25:14.000 So you can't do that to the chimps.

00:25:15.000 For whatever reason, you can't do that to the chimps.

00:25:17.000 You can't neuter a chimp. 1.00

00:25:19.000 So this guy goes to visit the chimp and he brings a birthday cake. 1.00

00:25:21.000 Happy birthday, buddy. 0.99

00:25:22.000 And the other chimps that are in cages right next to him are like, this motherfucker didn't bring me a cake? 1.00

00:25:28.000 I can't believe this shit. 1.00

00:25:30.000 So they figure out a way to get out and they got out and they attacked the man and they tore him apart. 1.00

00:25:35.000 They tore his face off. 1.00

00:25:36.000 They tore his dick off. 1.00

00:25:37.000 They tore his feet off. 1.00

00:25:38.000 They bit his fingers off.

00:25:40.000 It's one of the most horrific, cruel attacks you'll ever hear of because they did it to try to take away from him the things he wants and needs.

00:25:49.000 Like, chimps recognize you need your fingers in order to do things. 0.99

00:25:52.000 You need your face in order to see. 1.00

00:25:53.000 You need your dick in order to fuck. 1.00

00:25:55.000 So that's the things they go after. 1.00

00:25:57.000 Fucking assholes. 1.00

00:25:58.000 They don't they don't just try to kill you they try to take away what it means to be a human so if you try to hide your hands they'll pull your hands away from and open them up and bite them off like crazy with a rage filled look in their eye and They don't communicate with language So they only have this sense in their head of what's fair and what's not fair and what you've done to them. 1.00

00:26:19.000 So if you do something that makes them jealous, they think immediately you've done something bad to them.

00:26:25.000 They don't think that, no, no, I just gave my friend a cake.

00:26:27.000 Uh-uh.

00:26:28.000 You made them feel bad.

00:26:29.000 So it's you.

00:26:30.000 You made them feel bad.

00:26:31.000 So they'll go right after you.

00:26:34.000 It's like a sort of a, it's an interesting study in the way sometimes people look at things.

00:26:41.000 Like we've all been jealous, right?

00:26:42.000 You've been jealous of someone.

00:26:43.000 You see someone who's doing something well and you go, oh, I wish I was that guy.

00:26:48.000 But you don't go attack that person, right?

00:26:51.000 People recognize, like, it's not his fault that I feel bad that he has this Corvette.

00:26:57.000 I have to just... 1.00

00:26:58.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:26:59.000 I just gotta appreciate the guy's hustle. 1.00

00:27:01.000 Guys out there kicking ass. 0.98

00:27:03.000 Alright. 1.00

00:27:04.000 I gotta get my shit together.

00:27:05.000 But there's a thing that we have initially, especially when they're children. 0.95

00:27:09.000 We feel angry, like you feel upset, like you feel like you've been shorted, like someone's, oh, why didn't I get that? 1.00

00:27:17.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

00:27:18.000 He gets it and I don't. 1.00

00:27:19.000 It's a fascinating part of humans.

00:27:23.000 And then humans, as we get older and more sophisticated with language, but still carry the same childish emotions, we find reasons to be upset at someone for being successful.

00:27:35.000 We find reasons.

00:27:36.000 Eat the rich.

00:27:38.000 We find these weird little ways that we can justify our jealousy or our anger or our disdain for those who are more successful than we.

00:27:48.000 So it's like we're coming up with complicated, sophisticated ways to justify these primal behaviors that chimps exhibit in just violent rage. 0.96

00:27:57.000 So this guy, it's a famous case.

00:28:00.000 You can see the pictures if you want to see the pictures.

00:28:03.000 Of the cake guy?

00:28:04.000 Of the guy who got his face ripped apart and fingers bitten off.

00:28:07.000 Yeah, I mean, he was in the hospital.

00:28:08.000 That sounds great.

00:28:10.000 Folks at home, prepare.

00:28:13.000 Don't show it on the screen because it's rough.

00:28:15.000 But Tony needs to see this before you go give a tramp a cake. 0.80

00:28:19.000 Yeah, I'm not doing that.

00:28:21.000 Wow!

00:28:22.000 No nose.

00:28:22.000 See how he bit his nose off?

00:28:24.000 God.

00:28:24.000 Yeah.

00:28:25.000 Look at his face. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:28:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:28:28.000 Unconscious, they said, after this happened.

00:28:30.000 Oh, yeah, of course.

00:28:31.000 See his right hand?

00:28:32.000 The fingers bitten off?

00:28:33.000 Wow.

00:28:34.000 That's what they do.

00:28:34.000 They bite off your fingers.

00:28:35.000 That's the chimp right there. 0.88

00:28:37.000 Click on the chimp in the right-hand corner.

00:28:39.000 That's his chimp. 1.00

00:28:41.000 Wow.

00:28:43.000 What is that picture?

00:28:44.000 I'm surprised he let him keep his ears.

00:28:47.000 Oh, that's the guy's face, Jamie.

00:28:48.000 That's what that is.

00:28:49.000 He's got a trach because he can't breathe out of his mouth.

00:28:52.000 Yeah.

00:28:52.000 Well, I don't think that, you know...

00:28:56.000 Chimps exactly know the human anatomy all that well, but they know what's important to you. 0.99

00:29:00.000 Your face, your fingers. 0.99

00:29:02.000 Fucking hell. 1.00

00:29:03.000 Tore this guy apart. 1.00

00:29:04.000 So if he would have brought pieces of cake and given them to all the chimps in all the cages... 0.99

00:29:09.000 They would all be happy.

00:29:10.000 But they're also angry that they're captive.

00:29:13.000 So when they get captive...

00:29:14.000 Look, being captive for a chimp is probably a similar feeling. 0.99

00:29:21.000 As to what it would be to be captive as a person, right?

00:29:24.000 If you see a chimp at the zoo, and you're in this big...

00:29:27.000 They're in this big containment, and all these monkey bars and stuff they could hang on, but there's a bunch of people staring at them.

00:29:33.000 Like, all day long, people are staring at you through glass, and there's a ceiling, right? 0.99

00:29:36.000 There's a net over the top so you can't go over the top, and there's fences, and you're just like, fuck! 1.00

00:29:41.000 Every day is boring. 0.99

00:29:43.000 Nothing happens.

00:29:44.000 Nothing happens every day.

00:29:46.000 There's no lions.

00:29:47.000 There's no fruit to go pick, right?

00:29:50.000 There's no places to go journey to, to explore.

00:29:53.000 Like, chimps travel around, man.

00:29:55.000 They don't just sit in one particular 100-yard area for the rest of their life.

00:29:59.000 And it's not even 100 yards, right?

00:30:00.000 If you go to the LA Zoo, you ever see how small that enclosure is?

00:30:03.000 Yeah.

00:30:04.000 I went to the LA Zoo once, really high, really high, like on an edible.

00:30:10.000 And I wrote a piece on my website called Animal Prison. 0.61

00:30:15.000 And I was like, because it made me feel, because you know when you're really fucking super baked, you're sensitive to everything.

00:30:22.000 But just, I recognize how, instead of thinking about myself and thinking about, you know, oh, I'm going to go to the zoo and see the monkeys, I went there and I immediately felt sadness.

00:30:34.000 I was like, oh no, these poor creatures.

00:30:38.000 Like, they don't want to be here.

00:30:39.000 Like, what are we doing?

00:30:40.000 Like, we can't do this.

00:30:42.000 I was thinking, like, I've got to get out of here.

00:30:44.000 It's true.

00:30:45.000 No, you're right, and it's very bizarre.

00:30:47.000 Same thing with SeaWorld, same thing with all those places.

00:30:50.000 Oh, SeaWorld's worse?

00:30:50.000 Yeah.

00:30:51.000 Because they're as smart as us, if not smarter.

00:30:53.000 Yeah.

00:30:53.000 We don't even really know how smart orcas are, right?

00:30:57.000 Or dolphins, because we put them in these weird categories, like how much emails do they send?

00:31:02.000 Do they make houses? 1.00

00:31:04.000 No, they must be stupid. 1.00

00:31:05.000 But they have a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than ours. 1.00

00:31:09.000 We don't know how smart they are.

00:31:11.000 They also, they communicate.

00:31:12.000 They have a weird, sophisticated language that we can't decipher.

00:31:16.000 We can't decipher it.

00:31:18.000 We don't know what their language is.

00:31:19.000 They've been able to recognize specific accents.

00:31:22.000 So, you know, there's a southern accent and a Cleveland accent.

00:31:27.000 There's a Chicago accent.

00:31:29.000 Orcas have accents.

00:31:31.000 Like, we can tell by the sound, oh, this is an orca from Alaska or this is an orca from Seattle.

00:31:37.000 Yeah.

00:31:38.000 It's crazy. 0.99

00:31:39.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 1.00

00:31:40.000 Meanwhile, we put them in a swimming pool. 1.00

00:31:42.000 A fucking swimming pool. 1.00

00:31:44.000 It's so sad how their fin droops once they get depressed. 1.00

00:31:47.000 It's not that they get depressed.

00:31:49.000 They don't use it.

00:31:50.000 It atrophies.

00:31:51.000 It's like an arm that you don't pick anything up with.

00:31:53.000 It just gets limp.

00:31:55.000 You ever break your arm?

00:31:57.000 Um, no.

00:31:59.000 When you break your arm, they put it in a cast.

00:32:00.000 One of the weird things is you get your arm out of the cast.

00:32:02.000 It's so little.

00:32:03.000 It's like your arm atrophies.

00:32:05.000 Mine's always like that.

00:32:06.000 I always look like I had a broken arm for three years.

00:32:10.000 I did break my leg once. 0.93

00:32:11.000 That was fucked up right before wrestling season. 0.91

00:32:13.000 Got run over by a car. 0.99

00:32:15.000 What happened?

00:32:16.000 My girlfriend at the time dropped me off after school.

00:32:24.000 And I was getting my backpack out of her trunk, but she forgot that I was behind her car getting a backpack out of her trunk, so she started backing up. 0.99

00:32:32.000 Your girlfriend backed over you on purpose, and now you're justifying it.

00:32:34.000 And I almost made it out of the way.

00:32:36.000 It was the last second I was spinning out of the way.

00:32:39.000 And then she hit the gas, right?

00:32:40.000 Yeah.

00:32:40.000 And turned the wheel.

00:32:41.000 Yep.

00:32:41.000 Cracked my leg into two pieces a month before my senior year of wrestling started.

00:32:47.000 Big senior year.

00:32:48.000 What's up, Jamie?

00:32:49.000 I'm sorry to turn this back to this chimpanzee story, but it's a little bit crazier than you probably stopped looking into this.

00:32:56.000 Oh, crazier?

00:32:57.000 He won a lawsuit against West Covina to keep the chimp in the 60s because the judge said the chimp, quote, doesn't have the traits of a wild animal and was somewhat better behaved than some people.

00:33:10.000 I was reading more about the story. 0.95

00:33:13.000 According to the reports, it ate his testicles also. 0.99

00:33:16.000 There was some report that it ate part of his brain. 0.97

00:33:19.000 They cracked open his skull and got a piece of his brain.

00:33:22.000 This chimp was later put into another holding place, escaped again in 2005 or 2008 or something.

00:33:32.000 The original story happened in 2002 maybe.

00:33:36.000 The people who originally owned the chimp rented a helicopter to go find it.

00:33:41.000 There was more lawsuits.

00:33:42.000 But you say that he ate his brain. 0.98

00:33:45.000 It wasn't that chimp that ate his brain. 1.00

00:33:46.000 It wasn't his chimp. 0.99

00:33:47.000 I don't believe so, but this chimp got involved with... 1.00

00:33:50.000 It's his chimp that got involved? 1.00

00:33:52.000 There was a police officer that got into...

00:33:55.000 When it got out one time, it got into an altercation with a cop.

00:33:59.000 Cops? 0.98

00:33:59.000 There's like 80% of cops, they suck at fighting drunks. 0.98

00:34:03.000 Imagine fighting a chimp. 1.00

00:34:04.000 How many videos have you seen of cops trying to pull a guy over and the guy winds up kicking their ass? 1.00

00:34:08.000 It happens a lot. 0.99

00:34:09.000 The policeman has required $250,000 in medical treatment for the policeman.

00:34:14.000 Lori Allred was defending the chimp in court. 1.00

00:34:16.000 Wow.

00:34:18.000 I swear to God, it gets insane.

00:34:21.000 Yeah.

00:34:24.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

00:34:26.000 It said the two chimps that bit him the first time didn't have good enough lawyers. 0.61

00:34:29.000 This is like on a lawyer website I'm reading about it. 0.99

00:34:31.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:34:31.000 That is so crazy. 1.00

00:34:33.000 The chimps have lawyers.

00:34:35.000 How can a chimp have a lawyer? 1.00

00:34:38.000 Dogs don't get lawyers, right? 0.98

00:34:39.000 So if a dog bites you, they just put the dog down.

00:34:41.000 But if a chimp bites you, they're like, hold on! 1.00

00:34:43.000 This chimp sounds so good, he almost represented himself in court. 1.00

00:34:47.000 This guy escaping from prison, eating brains? 1.00

00:34:50.000 Tired of bullshit. 1.00

00:34:51.000 I don't think it's the same chimp that ate the brains. 1.00

00:34:53.000 I think it's the chimp that attacked the guy and tore his dick off that ate his brains. 1.00

00:34:56.000 They do take your testicles off. 1.00

00:34:58.000 They seem to know that that's where your cum is stored. 1.00

00:35:01.000 No good. 0.98

00:35:02.000 That's not good.

00:35:03.000 That's not cool.

00:35:05.000 That is not cool.

00:35:07.000 It's so crazy.

00:35:08.000 Well, you know the one about the lady in Connecticut, right?

00:35:11.000 No?

00:35:12.000 No.

00:35:12.000 Oh, this one's even freakier.

00:35:13.000 This lady had a giant chimp, like a 200-pounder. 1.00

00:35:16.000 And it lived with her and slept in her bed.

00:35:19.000 Oh, wow.

00:35:20.000 And she gave it Xanax and red wine. 0.80

00:35:22.000 And one day, this lady, her friend came over cock-blocking. 0.98

00:35:27.000 And this chimp didn't like it. 1.00

00:35:29.000 So he tore her apart. 0.99

00:35:30.000 He tore a lady apart.

00:35:31.000 Same way that tore that man apart.

00:35:33.000 Tore this lady apart. 0.98

00:35:34.000 Tore her face apart.

00:35:36.000 Horrible story.

00:35:38.000 Terrifying story.

00:35:39.000 This lady thought this chimp was like a pet. 1.00

00:35:41.000 And then she realized, like, this chimp has no idea what the rules are. 1.00

00:35:44.000 And you can't tell what to do.

00:35:46.000 Because he was tired of this lady coming around. 0.99

00:35:48.000 And it wasn't the lady that was giving him red wine?

00:35:50.000 No, it was another lady telling her to not give him red wine and not give him Xanax. 1.00

00:35:56.000 And he was like, this bitch is cock blocking. 1.00

00:35:57.000 You think the chimp looked for testicles and was like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:36:01.000 No, he probably knew it was a female. 1.00

00:36:03.000 But I don't even know. 0.98

00:36:04.000 I'm joking around about the cock blocking part. 0.99

00:36:06.000 But he, for whatever reason, didn't like that lady and just decided to tear her apart. 0.93

00:36:10.000 You just can't keep them as pets.

00:36:14.000 They're two...

00:36:15.000 It's so strange.

00:36:17.000 They're animals, for sure.

00:36:18.000 But they're also so close to humans.

00:36:20.000 Have you thought about getting any wild animals?

00:36:22.000 While I'm in Texas?

00:36:23.000 Now that you're in Texas?

00:36:25.000 Funny you say that.

00:36:26.000 I have a couple giraffes on order.

00:36:30.000 I would have giraffes.

00:36:31.000 I've had a bit in my act about giraffes, you know, about the only animals in the zoo that don't seem bummed out at all are giraffes.

00:36:40.000 Because they're just like, another day with no lions.

00:36:43.000 They just stroll around.

00:36:45.000 They're so happy.

00:36:46.000 They're so calm at the zoo that they let babies feed them.

00:36:49.000 Like when my daughter was two, we brought her to the zoo.

00:36:51.000 She holds out a piece of lettuce and the giraffe come over.

00:36:54.000 It's a giraffe.

00:36:54.000 They didn't train it.

00:36:55.000 And his tongue reaches out and grabs ahold of the lettuce.

00:36:59.000 It's really kind of cool the way they do it.

00:37:00.000 Yeah.

00:37:01.000 But that's the only animal that I would keep as a pet because they don't seem to care.

00:37:04.000 They seem to like it.

00:37:06.000 They're stress-free.

00:37:07.000 They just chill.

00:37:08.000 I held a koala when in Australia this last time.

00:37:11.000 So I went with the whole Kill Tony crew.

00:37:13.000 So I'm like, okay, I'll do the touristy stuff that I've never done there in the seven or eight or whatever times I've been there.

00:37:19.000 And we went and held koalas and they feed them eucalyptus the whole time.

00:37:23.000 That's all they eat.

00:37:24.000 And the reason why they keep feeding them eucalyptus is because the second you stop giving them eucalyptus, like truly within three seconds of them not having the next leaf, they turn more into a bear.

00:37:37.000 Like it's like they start acting.

00:37:39.000 Instead of being this mellow little bundle of joy, you feel they're...

00:37:42.000 Claws tighten up and you feel it. 1.00

00:37:46.000 It's a fucking bear. 1.00

00:37:48.000 They're like cute and slow and dumb. 1.00

00:37:52.000 And then as soon as they... 1.00

00:37:53.000 It's a straight up drug.

00:37:55.000 It's an IV drip of just heroin to them.

00:37:58.000 And if they come off...

00:37:59.000 Is there another animal like that that only eats one plant?

00:38:03.000 I don't know.

00:38:04.000 That's a good question, right?

00:38:06.000 Cows eat grass.

00:38:07.000 Sheep eat grass.

00:38:10.000 But they just eat eucalyptus.

00:38:12.000 Yeah.

00:38:12.000 Like one weird plant.

00:38:13.000 They smell like it.

00:38:15.000 Oh! 0.60

00:38:16.000 Oh yeah.

00:38:17.000 I wonder what they taste like.

00:38:18.000 That's a good question.

00:38:19.000 Let's do it.

00:38:20.000 Did they get real cunty with you?

00:38:21.000 Would you cook one?

00:38:22.000 Yeah.

00:38:23.000 You felt like a little aggression from them, right?

00:38:25.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:38:25.000 I put it down.

00:38:26.000 Fucking leaves! 1.00

00:38:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:27.000 Where's my fucking leaves? 1.00

00:38:28.000 Like a fake baby. 1.00

00:38:30.000 Yeah.

00:38:30.000 Do you remember that story about a girl that this couple adopted and they thought they were adopting like a 10-year-old and it turned out to be a tiny person and a tiny person who's completely insane and was pretending to be a little kid?

00:38:44.000 Do you know that story?

00:38:46.000 Scary.

00:38:47.000 It's a terrifying story.

00:38:49.000 Because this couple had this little tiny person in their house that was like Chucky.

00:38:54.000 They wanted to kill them.

00:38:55.000 And then they realized, oh, this lady's 30. Right here. 0.99

00:38:59.000 Ukrainian orphan, the center of an adoption scandal, might be an adult.

00:39:02.000 Here are eight adults who are caught posing as children.

00:39:05.000 That's happened that many times. 1.00

00:39:06.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:39:07.000 Yeah, so look at that. 1.00

00:39:09.000 Imagine that's a 30-year-old playing with your baby.

00:39:11.000 And you're like, oh, we're going to help her.

00:39:13.000 She's going to have a better life.

00:39:14.000 Meanwhile, she's doing heroin when you're not around. 0.95

00:39:17.000 Whoa.

00:39:19.000 Yeah.

00:39:19.000 That might be the scariest thing ever.

00:39:21.000 These are the different stories.

00:39:23.000 Okay, click on that one. 0.99

00:39:26.000 Come on, you fucking pop-up. 1.00

00:39:29.000 Oh, you son of a bitch! 1.00

00:39:30.000 Looks like you're using an ad blocker. 1.00

00:39:32.000 We're here to cock-block your ad blocker.

00:39:37.000 That's hilarious.

00:39:38.000 Why don't you just shut off the ad blocker?

00:39:40.000 I don't mind ads.

00:39:41.000 All right.

00:39:41.000 Parents who are accused of abandoning an eight-year-old Ukrainian girl say they adopted say she was actually a 22-year-old mentally disturbed adult.

00:39:51.000 Look at the parents.

00:39:52.000 It's a movie.

00:39:53.000 It's a Coen Brothers movie, right?

00:39:55.000 Yeah.

00:39:55.000 Those two winding up in jail.

00:39:58.000 Well, it all started when we tried to do a good thing and adopt a baby.

00:40:03.000 Yeah.

00:40:04.000 You know? 0.99

00:40:05.000 Daryl's balls didn't work. 0.99

00:40:06.000 So we decided... 1.00

00:40:09.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:40:10.000 Crazy, right? 1.00

00:40:11.000 That's frightening.

00:40:12.000 Hold on a second.

00:40:13.000 Scroll back up again.

00:40:14.000 We just...

00:40:15.000 Yeah.

00:40:15.000 Christine Barnett says Natalia terrorized her family.

00:40:19.000 An interview with the Daily Mail.

00:40:21.000 Trusted source.

00:40:22.000 Christine Barnett said that the adoption was a scam.

00:40:25.000 The girl was not who they thought she was. 0.83

00:40:27.000 Christine Barnett said that she and her now ex-husband...

00:40:30.000 Oh, they got divorced over this.

00:40:34.000 She said she didn't know many details about Natalia's background, but we're told her previous adopted parents gave her up for undisclosed reasons, like maybe because she's 20. Christine Barnett said that Natalia terrorized her family, tried to stab them when they were sleeping,

00:40:49.000 and once tried to push her towards an electric fence and poured bleach in her coffee.

00:40:54.000 Ah, there you go.

00:40:54.000 Get rid of the coronavirus.

00:40:56.000 The media is painting me to be a child abuser, but there's no child here, she said.

00:41:01.000 Natalia was a woman. 1.00

00:41:02.000 She had periods!

00:41:04.000 She had adult teeth.

00:41:05.000 She never grew a single inch.

00:41:09.000 Which would happen even with a child with dwarfism.

00:41:13.000 The doctors all confirmed she was suffering from a severe psychological illness only diagnosed in adults.

00:41:20.000 That's scary.

00:41:22.000 Natalia has a type of dwarfism called, whoa, how about this word? 1.00

00:41:25.000 Help me out.

00:41:31.000 Spondyloepiphyseal?

00:41:32.000 How do you say that?

00:41:35.000 Spondyloepiphyseal.

00:41:35.000 Okay.

00:41:36.000 Dysplasia, which makes her age difficult to actually record without a birth certificate.

00:41:41.000 Wow.

00:41:42.000 Wow.

00:41:42.000 Though she was said to be 6 when the Barnetts adopted her in 2010, NBC News said it saw hospital records showing her age as about 8 in June of 2010. Oh, well that doesn't mean anything.

00:41:55.000 Okay, citing court documents, WISH-TV and Indianapolis CW affiliate reported that the girl's age was changed from 8 to 22 in 2012. It said a skeletal survey at the Peyton Manning.

00:42:09.000 Holla, Peyton Manning has his own children's hospital.

00:42:12.000 Peyton Manning Children's Hospital deemed her to be 11 at the time.

00:42:16.000 Wow, she was 22 with a 22-year-old skeleton when she was 11. Wow.

00:42:21.000 Well, she made a career perpetuating her age facade. 1.00

00:42:25.000 Scroll back up.

00:42:25.000 It's weird that they did the test at a children's hospital.

00:42:28.000 Wow.

00:42:28.000 Natalia was an adult.

00:42:29.000 The document hasn't been verified, but says that she made a career of perpetuating.

00:42:35.000 That's a weird word.

00:42:36.000 How often do you say that?

00:42:37.000 Perpetuating.

00:42:38.000 Her age facade. 0.64

00:42:39.000 I don't say that very often.

00:42:40.000 I read it a lot.

00:42:42.000 Continue to fool those who had the best intentions.

00:42:45.000 That's crazy.

00:42:46.000 Where is she now? 0.93

00:42:48.000 I mean, being a kid is pretty awesome.

00:42:50.000 You don't have to work, you get free food, you're chillin'.

00:42:53.000 You get to stab people while they're sleepin'. 0.92

00:42:57.000 They think you're a little kid. 0.98

00:42:58.000 It's freaky, man.

00:42:59.000 Imagine you adopt an eight-year-old and you keep like, all right, let's check your height, and you do a little pencil mark on the door.

00:43:05.000 You couldn't even make that movie because people say that you were being an ableist. 1.00

00:43:09.000 You could make that movie about ten years ago, but if you try to make that movie today, people call you a piece of shit. 1.00

00:43:14.000 Like, the studios wouldn't fund it. 1.00

00:43:15.000 They'd be scared of the backlash.

00:43:17.000 It's so sad what's going on with movies.

00:43:18.000 You make fun of little people.

00:43:19.000 I saw some stat the other day about how they're doing remakes, and there's no original anything anymore.

00:43:25.000 They're taking stuff out of movies.

00:43:26.000 I saw Poltergeist the other day.

00:43:29.000 Hey, I almost went to the drive-in last week and saw that.

00:43:32.000 That was playing at a local drive-in.

00:43:34.000 I haven't seen it in forever.

00:43:35.000 I didn't remember so much of it.

00:43:37.000 It's probably been 20 plus years since I saw it.

00:43:40.000 But one thing I recognized when I saw it was like, the times were so different when that movie came out. 0.90

00:43:46.000 I want to say that movie's It was like 84 or some shit?

00:43:53.000 When do you think that came out? 0.82

00:43:54.000 I guess 82. You forgot the rest of the story.

00:43:58.000 She got adopted again and went on and did more interviews and said that she was 16, not 33. The girl on the thing. 0.52

00:44:05.000 See a picture of her on the thing?

00:44:07.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

00:44:08.000 Oh my god.

00:44:09.000 Oh my god, she looks like she's 40. That's her? 0.96

00:44:11.000 Yeah.

00:44:12.000 That's the little girl? 0.90

00:44:12.000 Yeah. 0.90

00:44:13.000 She totally looks like an adult.

00:44:14.000 Natalia Grace Barnett, I'm 16, not a 33-year-old scam artist.

00:44:18.000 Oh, she's old. 0.92

00:44:19.000 Look at her face.

00:44:20.000 That's not true.

00:44:22.000 Look at her face.

00:44:23.000 Go back up to that face.

00:44:24.000 That is not a 16-year-old's face.

00:44:27.000 That's a woman's face. 1.00

00:44:28.000 Yeah.

00:44:28.000 That's crazy.

00:44:30.000 But look how small her hands are in relationship to the rest of her face, too. 1.00

00:44:34.000 If I adopted an 8-year-old and that's what showed up at my door, immediate return. 1.00

00:44:40.000 But I think when she was 20, she pulled it off.

00:44:42.000 Like, if you saw that other picture of her, the other picture of her, she looked young.

00:44:46.000 Yeah.

00:44:46.000 She looked like a little kid, but she doesn't look like a little kid.

00:44:49.000 You know, from 20 to 33, she does not look the same.

00:44:53.000 That's crazy.

00:44:56.000 I thought we had even watched it or something and we heard her talk.

00:44:59.000 Did we?

00:45:00.000 I remember it was all flashing back.

00:45:03.000 Dude, I was on my YouTube feed watching Filipino Pool the other day and an old interview came up with us with someone I didn't even remember was a guest.

00:45:12.000 If you had said, has this guy been a guest?

00:45:14.000 I'm like, no, never heard of him.

00:45:16.000 Meanwhile, I sat down with a guy for three hours doing a podcast. 1.00

00:45:19.000 My memories turned to dog shit. 0.99

00:45:21.000 It's like there's too many people in there. 1.00

00:45:23.000 There's too many.

00:45:24.000 It's like overwhelmed.

00:45:26.000 I have no room.

00:45:27.000 I have no hard drive space.

00:45:29.000 Yeah, you gotta get rid of the old and new.

00:45:31.000 It's like when you find an old joke.

00:45:33.000 That ever happen to you?

00:45:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:35.000 It's the best feeling.

00:45:36.000 It's crazy.

00:45:37.000 It's like, I wrote this in 1998?

00:45:39.000 Yeah.

00:45:39.000 Look at that.

00:45:40.000 There's something in there.

00:45:41.000 Like I was telling you, Ron White's doing a guest spot on the show I'm doing tonight here in Austin, and he's going back looking over his stuff, and today he was.

00:45:51.000 I was hanging with him, and at one point he goes, you know what? 0.99

00:45:55.000 This shit's pretty goddamn funny. 0.99

00:45:59.000 That's Ron. 1.00

00:46:00.000 Yeah.

00:46:01.000 What were we talking about?

00:46:03.000 Poltergeist.

00:46:04.000 Oh, here's what.

00:46:06.000 The movie, I think, is...

00:46:07.000 What year is it?

00:46:08.000 83?

00:46:09.000 82. 82. Okay.

00:46:10.000 So the movie is in the early 80s, and apparently it was okay to be a piece of shit back then. 0.99

00:46:15.000 It was, like, super normal. 0.99

00:46:17.000 Because, like, there's a scene where this 16-year-old daughter goes outside, and there's these people doing construction in their backyard.

00:46:23.000 And, I mean, like, the window's right there, the parents are right there, and these construction workers are like, yeah!

00:46:29.000 Look at you!

00:46:30.000 And the guy's got like a tube and he's looking at her through a paper towel tube.

00:46:35.000 He's looking at her like, yeah, I love you.

00:46:38.000 I love you. 1.00

00:46:39.000 She's like, fuck you. 1.00

00:46:40.000 And the mom is laughing that her daughter almost got raped. 1.00

00:46:44.000 It is the craziest scene. 0.98

00:46:45.000 Like, look at this.

00:46:47.000 Look at him.

00:46:47.000 He's looking at her like, yeah, look at you.

00:46:51.000 I love you.

00:46:53.000 Yeah, and look at this.

00:46:54.000 What?

00:46:55.000 Huh? 1.00

00:46:57.000 She's like, fuck you! 1.00

00:47:00.000 She gave him the this fuck you. 1.00

00:47:01.000 This is like the soft finger. 1.00

00:47:04.000 It's a lot more motion.

00:47:05.000 You have to use your arms.

00:47:06.000 But the wife, watch the mom react to it. 1.00

00:47:09.000 She's like, yeah.

00:47:11.000 And they're laughing.

00:47:12.000 Watch when they go to the mom, though.

00:47:13.000 They did give her the finger. 1.00

00:47:15.000 The mom's like, oh, boys will be boys. 1.00

00:47:17.000 Out there raping. 0.99

00:47:18.000 If that was today, if you put that in a movie and tried to pass it off like it was normal behavior, people would fucking freak out at you. 1.00

00:47:26.000 And at minimum, you'd have to kill off those guys. 0.98

00:47:28.000 What's even more interesting is that's not establishing them as bad guys that get killed later on, right? 0.99

00:47:34.000 Those guys survive.

00:47:35.000 Oh, yeah!

00:47:36.000 Right.

00:47:36.000 Which is even crazier.

00:47:38.000 At least if you did it, you'd have to fit it in the storyline.

00:47:40.000 Like, oh, these guys are going to be the first to get killed because they're bad people.

00:47:44.000 Instead, the whole family has to deal with hell after that.

00:47:48.000 And those guys are going on about their day.

00:47:49.000 They got paid for the construction they did.

00:47:51.000 Well, later on in the movie, the guy steals coffee.

00:47:54.000 That guy?

00:47:55.000 The construction guy?

00:47:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:56.000 Steals food.

00:47:56.000 He reaches in, he grabs, like, she's cooking spaghetti, so he dips the spoon in the sauce, tastes the sauce, reaches in through the window.

00:48:03.000 And she's like, how is it, Earl?

00:48:05.000 I was like, well, it's very good, thanks. 1.00

00:48:06.000 Like, no, people were pieces of shit back then. 1.00

00:48:10.000 It was standard. 1.00

00:48:11.000 It was, like, cute to watch.

00:48:13.000 Like, instead of getting outraged as an audience member, which you most certainly would today.

00:48:18.000 That's one of those freaky movies.

00:48:19.000 You learned about the history of that, right?

00:48:23.000 What, the daughter?

00:48:23.000 The little girl, rather?

00:48:24.000 The little girl.

00:48:25.000 There's like a lot of things that happen on that.

00:48:27.000 It's like a super cursed movie.

00:48:29.000 Yeah?

00:48:30.000 Tell me.

00:48:30.000 Tell me what's up.

00:48:31.000 So, man, I wish I could remember all of them.

00:48:35.000 But I remember her thing was very controversial.

00:48:37.000 Like, she should have been taken to a hospital much sooner than she was.

00:48:41.000 Like, it was like...

00:48:42.000 It was a sloppy, sloppy ending.

00:48:45.000 I can't remember all the things.

00:48:46.000 And I get it confused with the Twilight Zone movie quite a bit, too.

00:48:50.000 Four cast members...

00:48:51.000 There it is. 1.00

00:48:52.000 Fucking pop-ups. 1.00

00:48:52.000 Shut up, you're fucking... 1.00

00:48:53.000 That was for Amy. 1.00

00:48:54.000 Four cast members died during and soon after the filming of the series.

00:49:01.000 So there was more than...

00:49:02.000 How many of them were there?

00:49:05.000 There was, I think, at least three.

00:49:08.000 Carol Ann Freeling.

00:49:10.000 I like number two.

00:49:11.000 Number two, I think, was at the hotel, right?

00:49:13.000 That crazy hotel.

00:49:14.000 Well, Carol Ann's the little girl.

00:49:15.000 So go back up to the top.

00:49:19.000 Carol Ann Freeling was the young point of the series, played by Heather O'Rourke.

00:49:23.000 Only six years old, when the first Poltergeist film was released, O'Rourke captivated audience.

00:49:29.000 She was misdiagnosed with Crohn's disease in 1987. The following year, O'Rourke fell ill again, and her symptoms were casually attributed to the flu.

00:49:38.000 A day later, she collapsed and suffered a cardiac arrest.

00:49:41.000 After being airlifted to a children's hospital in San Diego, O'Rourke died during the operation to correct a bowel obstruction.

00:49:48.000 It was later believed that she had been suffering from a congenital intestinal abnormality.

00:49:53.000 Oh, so she had...

00:49:55.000 Yeah, basically, she was bleeding.

00:49:58.000 But that was something she was born with.

00:50:00.000 On the inside.

00:50:01.000 So here's another one.

00:50:02.000 Dominic Dune, who prayed the original older sister.

00:50:04.000 Oh, that was the girl who gave up the finger. 1.00

00:50:07.000 Equally tragic and unforeseen fate.

00:50:09.000 82, Dune separated from her partner, John Sweeney. 1.00

00:50:23.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:50:26.000 Jeez. 1.00

00:50:30.000 Oh my god, if that was my daughter. 0.96

00:50:31.000 Can you imagine?

00:50:33.000 Your daughter...

00:50:33.000 Like, three years is not that long, okay?

00:50:35.000 Here we are in 2020. Three years ago?

00:50:38.000 2016 and a half?

00:50:39.000 Or not even, because we're halfway in, right?

00:50:41.000 More than halfway in.

00:50:42.000 We're towards the end.

00:50:43.000 Summer.

00:50:44.000 Summer of 2017. What?

00:50:46.000 And all of a sudden this guy's out who choked her daughter to death?

00:50:49.000 I know chimps have been in prison more than that guy. 0.99

00:50:52.000 They should be. 0.99

00:50:53.000 They should put him in with a chimp. 1.00

00:50:54.000 That's what they should do. 0.99

00:50:55.000 Ah.

00:50:55.000 Yeah.

00:50:56.000 You choke a woman to death, they put you in with a chimp, and they make you feed the other chimp the birthday cake. 1.00

00:51:00.000 It's also interesting how they wrote that. 0.93

00:51:02.000 Choked her until she was unconscious and then left her to die. 0.80

00:51:05.000 No, you mean killed her? 0.99

00:51:06.000 Right. 1.00

00:51:07.000 Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:51:08.000 Choked her to death. 1.00

00:51:09.000 Yeah, choked her to death. 0.76

00:51:11.000 I never wrote that.

00:51:12.000 Yeah.

00:51:12.000 Is that the guy that wrote it?

00:51:15.000 Anyway, I left her to die accidentally.

00:51:17.000 Whoops.

00:51:18.000 Yeah, maybe he's just really into choking.

00:51:20.000 Have you ever been with a girl that wants to get choked?

00:51:22.000 Yeah.

00:51:24.000 Weird, right?

00:51:24.000 Yeah, I'm not into it.

00:51:25.000 Not into it.

00:51:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:27.000 I don't want to let that fucking genie out of the bottle. 0.99

00:51:29.000 Last thing you want to do is be really into choking. 0.99

00:51:31.000 Right.

00:51:32.000 You know?

00:51:33.000 Yeah.

00:51:33.000 It's like being really into feet.

00:51:35.000 Yeah, weird.

00:51:36.000 But way worse, because it could lead to death.

00:51:39.000 Yeah.

00:51:40.000 Because if you're really into feet, and then you date a normal girl, and you're like, oh, you know, I'd like to, you know, with your feet.

00:51:47.000 She's like, what?

00:51:47.000 Like, for a lot of gals, that would be like a deal breaker.

00:51:50.000 Looking for a husband, looking for a man to take care of your children, looking for a person to be responsible.

00:51:55.000 You don't want a guy who wants to beat off on your feet, right?

00:51:57.000 Mm-hmm.

00:51:57.000 So, for a guy who's really into feet, and then he breaks up with this woman and tries to get a new one, it's like, hmm, feet thing's kind of important.

00:52:08.000 But at least that's not dangerous.

00:52:11.000 It's just creepy.

00:52:12.000 But for someone who's into choking people, you've got to be real careful to test those waters. 0.98

00:52:18.000 If you were with a girl and you had a crazy relationship for 10 years, all you did was fucking choke each other. 0.99

00:52:24.000 And you're like, damn, that's what I miss. 1.00

00:52:26.000 I miss choking and fucking. 1.00

00:52:29.000 Holding's fun. 1.00

00:52:30.000 Grabbing's fun.

00:52:31.000 Grabbing by the throat's fun.

00:52:33.000 Applying pressure isn't fun.

00:52:36.000 It's not fun.

00:52:37.000 Grabbing is fun.

00:52:38.000 You ever been with a girl and you're hooking up and she says, hit me?

00:52:41.000 No.

00:52:42.000 Really?

00:52:42.000 Yeah.

00:52:43.000 Yeah.

00:52:44.000 Whoa.

00:52:45.000 And I go, it stopped everything.

00:52:47.000 Whoa.

00:52:47.000 What do you mean?

00:52:48.000 What do you mean?

00:52:51.000 And then she goes, slap me. 1.00

00:52:52.000 And I'm like, okay, that's different. 0.67

00:52:55.000 That's different than hit.

00:52:56.000 Yeah.

00:52:57.000 Because hit and slap are two very different things.

00:53:01.000 Yeah, but they're still hitting.

00:53:03.000 Right, slapping's weird.

00:53:04.000 If you slap a woman and she calls the cops, the cops say you hit her and it's assault.

00:53:08.000 Stocks and slap.

00:53:09.000 I think that's something.

00:53:10.000 They do that in a fight. 0.75

00:53:13.000 Spitting in someone's face is assault.

00:53:15.000 There's this crazy video of this woman screaming in this cop's face in New York. 1.00

00:53:20.000 She's like, you fucking fascist! 1.00

00:53:22.000 And he's just standing there taking it and she spits in his face. 1.00

00:53:24.000 He's like, oh, okay.

00:53:25.000 Time to arrest you.

00:53:26.000 And he grabs her and she's screaming, what are you doing?

00:53:28.000 Why are you touching me? 0.93

00:53:29.000 Spitting is assault. 1.00

00:53:31.000 If you're gonna spit in someone's face, you might as well kick them in the balls. 1.00

00:53:34.000 Absolutely. 1.00

00:53:35.000 That is the...

00:53:36.000 We are fighting.

00:53:37.000 Yeah, it's a fight.

00:53:38.000 Yeah.

00:53:39.000 You spit in someone's face.

00:53:40.000 It's straight punches. 0.99

00:53:41.000 You might as well have just gotten a sucker punch in. 0.98

00:53:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:43.000 Should have just thrown the punch. 1.00

00:53:46.000 It's assault.

00:53:46.000 Is there anything worse than that?

00:53:48.000 Is there anything worse than spitting in another human's face? 0.63

00:53:50.000 Well, the only difference is you spit someone, you know you're not going to kill them. 0.99

00:53:53.000 But if you hit someone, you really could kill them. 0.92

00:53:56.000 If you hit someone, you knock them out and they fall and hit their head on the concrete. 0.99

00:53:59.000 They could die. 0.95

00:54:00.000 That really can happen.

00:54:02.000 I don't think it's the same assaults. 0.99

00:54:04.000 It's fucking gross. 0.99

00:54:06.000 It's mean. 1.00

00:54:08.000 You're basically as close to starting a fight as you can without hitting a person.

00:54:12.000 But if you're going to have a scale of murder down to spitting in the face, there's a difference in what you're doing.

00:54:21.000 You're certainly provoking someone to extreme violence.

00:54:24.000 If you spit in someone's face, you don't leave them a lot of options.

00:54:27.000 Especially if they have a temper.

00:54:29.000 Like, most people you spit in their face, they're gonna throw.

00:54:32.000 Yeah.

00:54:32.000 But if you hit someone and they fall and they die, it's not the same thing as spitting in someone's face.

00:54:38.000 Believe me, you're gonna go to jail for a long time.

00:54:40.000 Unless you get the judge that gave the guy three years for choking a girl to death.

00:54:44.000 Yeah.

00:54:45.000 In 1982. But it's like, I'm telling you, the world was a different place back then.

00:54:49.000 Like, women are right. 1.00

00:54:51.000 How about that? 0.80

00:54:52.000 Like, I know a lot of these feminists went crazy, and some of them went way over the edge to the point where they actually don't like men. 1.00

00:54:59.000 But they're right.

00:55:01.000 You watch movies like that, and you see a woman who got choked to death, and the guy only got three years, and she was a movie star?

00:55:08.000 Right.

00:55:09.000 She was in Poltergeist, and she got choked to death, and the guy still only got three and a half years.

00:55:14.000 Crazy. 0.99

00:55:15.000 Dude, being a woman, for most of history, must have been fucking terrifying. 1.00

00:55:20.000 For most of history. 0.99

00:55:22.000 Still terrifying, but for most of history, like, you hook up with a guy, you gotta really worry about this guy killing you.

00:55:29.000 It's probably not gonna happen one out of a hundred times, but one out of a hundred is like...

00:55:35.000 Yeah, like, who's that chick that died while hanging out with Christopher Walken and whoever? 0.98

00:55:39.000 Huh?

00:55:40.000 Yeah, the girl that was murdered, Jack Wagner.

00:55:45.000 Is that a name?

00:55:46.000 How come you haven't had any of your drink?

00:55:48.000 This is like pure diesel fuel.

00:55:51.000 Texas whiskey.

00:55:52.000 Is that what this is?

00:55:53.000 Cheers.

00:55:53.000 I don't know.

00:55:54.000 I need California pussy whiskey. 1.00

00:55:56.000 Well, there's a bunch of those stories, like Natalie Wood. 0.99

00:56:00.000 Is that it?

00:56:01.000 That's the one, right?

00:56:02.000 She drowned on a boat.

00:56:03.000 Christopher Walken was there.

00:56:04.000 Robert Wagner, I think, was the one who people were pointing the finger at.

00:56:09.000 But Christopher Walken, I think, was, like, hanging out.

00:56:11.000 They're, like, all on the boat or something.

00:56:12.000 I was there.

00:56:14.000 Not paying attention.

00:56:16.000 Seems weird that he just...

00:56:18.000 Here I am, on a boat.

00:56:19.000 Seems like he would be a...

00:56:20.000 Yeah, Natalie Wood's death.

00:56:22.000 Christopher Walken breaks his silence.

00:56:23.000 Oh.

00:56:24.000 They were arguing.

00:56:27.000 It's true.

00:56:28.000 I watched him the other day.

00:56:31.000 I just watched a preview of that movie where he can see the future or holds people's hands.

00:56:38.000 Was it called Dead Zone?

00:56:40.000 Was that what it is?

00:56:40.000 I don't know.

00:56:41.000 Stephen King book?

00:56:42.000 I think it's the Dead Zone.

00:56:43.000 Yeah.

00:56:44.000 That was wild.

00:56:45.000 He was so young, baby-faced. 0.50

00:56:48.000 And there was a guy in it who was played by Michael Sheen, who was going to be the president, a crazy egomaniac president, and he wanted to detonate nukes. 0.63

00:56:57.000 He wanted to start a nuclear war.

00:57:00.000 Christopher Walken could see the future.

00:57:02.000 There he is.

00:57:04.000 He died and came back to life, and when he came back to life, he could see the future when he touched your hand, like he holds your hand, and he could see what's going to happen to you.

00:57:11.000 What a badass.

00:57:12.000 Look at young Christopher Walken. 1.00

00:57:14.000 Look at that fucking guy. 1.00

00:57:15.000 Oh, he's great. 1.00

00:57:16.000 He's been great forever.

00:57:18.000 Him and Harvey Keitel, they don't get enough love.

00:57:22.000 Christopher Walken's been in so many great movies, man.

00:57:25.000 What's that vampire movie?

00:57:26.000 Scroll down.

00:57:27.000 What is that? 0.99

00:57:29.000 What the fuck is that movie? 0.99

00:57:32.000 Sleepy Hollow. 1.00

00:57:33.000 Sleepy Hollow.

00:57:34.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

00:57:36.000 No shit. 0.98

00:57:37.000 I don't remember that at all. 0.99

00:57:40.000 There's too many movies.

00:57:42.000 Tim Burton just watched Beetlejuice for the first time in a while.

00:57:47.000 Oh, it's a classic.

00:57:48.000 God, it's so good.

00:57:49.000 My family and I, we watch Nightmare Before Halloween or Nightmare Before Christmas.

00:57:53.000 We watch that every year.

00:57:54.000 That's great. 1.00

00:57:55.000 It's fucking fantastic. 0.99

00:57:57.000 And it's incredible. 0.98

00:57:58.000 While watching Beetlejuice, I was thinking about what we were talking about earlier, about what executive would make that today, not knowing that it's a hit.

00:58:06.000 Never.

00:58:07.000 Just like, okay, so there's this couple that dies, and they're like, okay, well...

00:58:12.000 At least they're not a likable couple, right?

00:58:15.000 No, a super, super likable couple.

00:58:17.000 They die within the first five minutes of the film.

00:58:21.000 And then they go back to their...

00:58:23.000 There's a couple of the ones that people want to buy the house after they die.

00:58:27.000 They take over the house.

00:58:28.000 It's basically a creepy movie about real estate and them not listening to the leader of purgatory that tells them to do anything but say Beetlejuice three times, but they do.

00:58:41.000 The exec would be like, what are you talking about?

00:58:43.000 Get out of here.

00:58:46.000 Beetlejuice?

00:58:46.000 Okay, pal.

00:58:47.000 Great.

00:58:48.000 Yeah, we'll let you know.

00:58:49.000 You know what I watched again recently?

00:58:51.000 Coraline.

00:58:52.000 Did you ever see that?

00:58:53.000 I think that's Tim Burton as well.

00:58:55.000 99% sure.

00:58:57.000 It's amazing.

00:58:58.000 It's really good.

00:58:59.000 It's really creepy, animated.

00:59:01.000 No?

00:59:02.000 It's not?

00:59:03.000 Who is it?

00:59:04.000 It's not Tim Burton?

00:59:05.000 Henry Selick.

00:59:08.000 Tim Burton's not involved at all?

00:59:09.000 I'm double-checking to make sure you didn't produce it or something.

00:59:12.000 Why don't you check Snopes?

00:59:14.000 You know what else I watched the other day?

00:59:15.000 How dare you.

00:59:18.000 We've been going back and forth about Snopes.

00:59:20.000 What's Snopes?

00:59:21.000 What do you mean?

00:59:23.000 Watched Kingpin the other day.

00:59:25.000 Oh, that's a great movie.

00:59:27.000 Unbelievable.

00:59:28.000 Oh, probably their most underrated movie.

00:59:31.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

00:59:32.000 It's so good.

00:59:33.000 And what I realized watching it this time is that...

00:59:39.000 Bill Murray plays the bad guy.

00:59:41.000 Oh yeah!

00:59:42.000 With his crazy hair.

00:59:43.000 Yeah.

00:59:43.000 The circular hair.

00:59:44.000 And he's a hilarious bad guy.

00:59:47.000 And Woody Harrelson plays the good guy.

00:59:49.000 And Woody Harrelson, a great dramatic actor. 0.69

00:59:52.000 And Bill Murray's the silliest guy of all time.

00:59:55.000 And it just works perfectly. 0.69

00:59:58.000 It's an amazing movie.

01:00:00.000 And it's an amazing movie about bowling.

01:00:02.000 Yep.

01:00:02.000 Yeah, Bill Murray.

01:00:04.000 He's great as a bad guy.

01:00:05.000 He was a bad guy in Groundhog Day.

01:00:07.000 He's a bad guy that became a good guy by the end of the movie.

01:00:10.000 He's a great golfer.

01:00:11.000 Bill Murray's here next to Donald Trump's hair.

01:00:15.000 Who wore a better...

01:00:17.000 You should see Bill Murray out on the golf course.

01:00:20.000 He's so funny, man. 0.99

01:00:22.000 He's really silly out there. 0.99

01:00:24.000 I saw a video of him. 0.99

01:00:27.000 He called over the guy with a microphone.

01:00:29.000 You know how you hear golf shots when they happen?

01:00:32.000 The guy that holds that thing.

01:00:34.000 He called him over.

01:00:35.000 He said, come over here.

01:00:36.000 Get closer. 1.00

01:00:36.000 I want you to hear this fucking bomb I'm about to hit or something like that. 1.00

01:00:40.000 The guy gets closer and he sets up again. 1.00

01:00:43.000 He goes, closer.

01:00:44.000 He goes, closer.

01:00:45.000 The guy gets right up on it.

01:00:46.000 He does this Big backswing.

01:00:48.000 He slams the hell out of this ball, man. 0.99

01:00:51.000 And it sounded like fucking heaven when he hit it. 0.99

01:00:54.000 Because the guy is right on. 0.99

01:00:56.000 He had him right next to it.

01:00:57.000 He can play.

01:00:58.000 Oh, I heard.

01:00:59.000 I heard he's like a pro.

01:01:00.000 Yeah.

01:01:01.000 Do you see it anywhere?

01:01:02.000 Tim Burton?

01:01:03.000 Coraline?

01:01:04.000 Nothing?

01:01:05.000 It came up that people were asking about like he didn't direct or produce it.

01:01:08.000 Wow.

01:01:08.000 Because it came out the same time or similar time as the other thing.

01:01:11.000 It looks like one of his movies.

01:01:12.000 That's what's crazy.

01:01:13.000 I assumed he did it.

01:01:15.000 Because it's so Tim Burton-like.

01:01:18.000 But it's probably someone who's a fan.

01:01:20.000 Does similar, weird, absurd, strange, creepy...

01:01:23.000 I think that guy worked with Tim Burton.

01:01:25.000 Here's an article that says he stepped out of his shadow to make Coraline.

01:01:28.000 Oh, there it is.

01:01:29.000 So maybe he's a protege.

01:01:30.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:32.000 Interesting.

01:01:33.000 Burton didn't produce or direct it.

01:01:34.000 Interesting.

01:01:35.000 Neil Gaiman book.

01:01:36.000 Just like Nightmare Before...

01:01:37.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:37.000 Cool.

01:01:38.000 Well, he nailed it.

01:01:39.000 Whoever that gentleman is.

01:01:41.000 It's really good.

01:01:42.000 It's just a strange movie about these people that move into this house, and it's all animated.

01:01:47.000 And this little girl finds this door that's been sealed off, like this little tiny two-foot door. 0.98

01:01:55.000 She's like, what the fuck is this? 0.93

01:01:56.000 But it's been covered in wallpaper, and she finds a key for it, and she opens it up, and it has a tunnel. 0.99

01:02:01.000 She goes through it and finds a version of her family that's way nicer than her family, but they have buttons for eyes.

01:02:10.000 Like the mom is like doting.

01:02:12.000 Like her parents are writers and all they're doing is like, we have to work!

01:02:15.000 Get out of here! 0.99

01:02:16.000 I'm trying to work!

01:02:16.000 And they're like, they're not into hanging out with the kids.

01:02:19.000 She's bored and it's rainy and shitty and then she goes through this weird tunnel and all the people over there are mirrors of her parents.

01:02:28.000 But much nicer.

01:02:29.000 All they're into is her.

01:02:30.000 They care about is her and her wishes.

01:02:32.000 And they give her the most delicious food.

01:02:34.000 And they're with her all the time.

01:02:35.000 But they want her to have button eyes. 0.99

01:02:38.000 They want her to stay there forever. 0.86

01:02:40.000 And eventually she realizes something's really fucking wrong here.

01:02:43.000 And she's going back and forth between the two worlds. 0.97

01:02:46.000 It's really cool.

01:02:48.000 So, whenever you have kids, Tony, whenever you shoot a live one into the old lady, and you make a little baby kid, little baby Tony, make them watch Coraline.

01:02:58.000 Okay. 1.00

01:02:59.000 Say it could be worse, you little fuck. 1.00

01:03:01.000 Look, this lady wants to sew buttons into your eyeballs. 1.00

01:03:05.000 Sounds scary.

01:03:06.000 It's a cool movie.

01:03:07.000 And they get creepier and creepier as the movie goes on.

01:03:11.000 The parents get progressively weirder and creepier.

01:03:14.000 It's a nice slow burn.

01:03:16.000 They start off real sweet, spoiler alert, and they keep getting weirder and weirder.

01:03:21.000 Edward Scissorhands turns into a Christmas movie at the end.

01:03:25.000 Does it?

01:03:25.000 Yeah.

01:03:26.000 I don't think I ever watched that.

01:03:28.000 It's a good one.

01:03:29.000 I'm sure.

01:03:29.000 That's a fun one to watch.

01:03:31.000 How many movies has Johnny Depp been in?

01:03:33.000 Jesus Christ.

01:03:34.000 They booted him out of this new movie because he lost a lawsuit.

01:03:38.000 See that?

01:03:39.000 Yeah.

01:03:41.000 Crazy.

01:03:41.000 Do you hear the recordings where she's admitting to hitting him?

01:03:45.000 She's admitting to punching him?

01:03:46.000 Yeah. 0.76

01:03:47.000 I guess the judge is just insane on this case.

01:03:51.000 Well, it was a civil suit, right?

01:03:54.000 Where he was suing a tabloid for describing him in an inaccurate manner.

01:04:03.000 Or describing his life.

01:04:04.000 And then he lost that suit.

01:04:05.000 And because he lost that suit.

01:04:07.000 I wonder if it's like just the optics of him losing that suit.

01:04:11.000 So the studio has to step in and get rid of him.

01:04:15.000 Right.

01:04:16.000 Is that what it is?

01:04:17.000 I think so.

01:04:18.000 That's just what they do nowadays.

01:04:19.000 They're like, okay, you're not working.

01:04:21.000 Not working.

01:04:22.000 I think they still have to pay him, though.

01:04:24.000 I think that's also part of the thing.

01:04:26.000 He still gets an eight-figure paycheck.

01:04:28.000 And he gets to stay home.

01:04:33.000 Beautiful.

01:04:34.000 Doesn't have to do the press releases.

01:04:37.000 Doesn't have to walk the red carpet.

01:04:38.000 He gets to just be Johnny Depp out there.

01:04:40.000 Wouldn't it be nice if it just...

01:04:42.000 He doesn't do the movie, but that money just pays her off. 0.56

01:04:47.000 Get out! 0.98

01:04:48.000 Yep.

01:04:49.000 Stop.

01:04:49.000 Leave me alone.

01:04:50.000 I don't think she gets any money anymore. 0.80

01:04:52.000 I think he's suing her now.

01:04:54.000 I think that's what's happening.

01:04:56.000 You know who's a badass?

01:04:57.000 Jeff Bezos.

01:04:59.000 Got a divorce.

01:05:01.000 Made his ex immediately the richest woman of all time.

01:05:06.000 You know, immediately she became that.

01:05:08.000 $36 billion.

01:05:09.000 The richest woman of all time won it all in a divorce. 0.99

01:05:13.000 And then, right after that, which was 2019, he goes and he doubles or triples his overall wealth.

01:05:21.000 So he got out.

01:05:24.000 Right before making her twice over the richest woman of all time.

01:05:29.000 So she got $36 billion or whatever instead of $72 billion, which she would have gotten a year later once the pandemic hit.

01:05:37.000 That probably pisses some women off that the way the richest women get to be the richest women is through divorce. 1.00

01:05:43.000 There's probably a lot of women right now that just don't even want to fucking hear that shit. 1.00

01:05:46.000 Can we just not mention that? 1.00

01:05:48.000 Stop it.

01:05:49.000 Richest woman of all time. 1.00

01:05:51.000 We're trying to be over here kicking ass. 1.00

01:05:52.000 Yep. 1.00

01:05:53.000 She did it by getting cheated on. 1.00

01:05:56.000 Did she?

01:05:57.000 I think they were already broken up.

01:05:58.000 Do you want a cigar?

01:06:00.000 I know you do.

01:06:00.000 She's number 22 on the list overall as of September.

01:06:04.000 Yeah, shut your mouth. 0.99

01:06:06.000 Of richest people. 1.00

01:06:07.000 Shut your mouth. 1.00

01:06:07.000 Right, she's the richest woman. 1.00

01:06:10.000 22 for women? 0.72

01:06:11.000 Of all people.

01:06:12.000 Right, of all people.

01:06:13.000 She's the richest woman, though. 1.00

01:06:14.000 Yeah, but most of the money was in stock.

01:06:16.000 Why are you splitting hairs, Jamie?

01:06:17.000 Oh, I'm not. 0.95

01:06:18.000 No, I'm just saying she's still fucking got some of that money, too. 1.00

01:06:20.000 Did you read that on Snopes? 1.00

01:06:24.000 She got fucked? 1.00

01:06:25.000 She did not get fucked. 1.00

01:06:26.000 Oh, no, she made like $35 billion, right? 0.99

01:06:29.000 Didn't she?

01:06:30.000 Yeah, yeah, but I was saying the point was that he got her out before all the stock went up.

01:06:35.000 She just went up with the stock also.

01:06:37.000 He knew what was coming.

01:06:40.000 He probably did.

01:06:42.000 Probably did.

01:06:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, here you go.

01:06:44.000 35?

01:06:45.000 35 billion?

01:06:46.000 Okay.

01:06:47.000 Yeah, at the time, she was the third wealthiest woman in the world. 0.61

01:06:50.000 Now she's the most, whatever, how it's gone up in just a year.

01:06:55.000 She gave a bunch of money to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, too.

01:06:59.000 Like, I think some Billys. 0.71

01:07:02.000 Crazy.

01:07:03.000 Gave a lot of money. 0.90

01:07:05.000 The Giving Pledge is what that's called.

01:07:07.000 What is?

01:07:08.000 The charitable giving campaign in which she willingly committed to give away almost most of her wealth to charity over her lifetime or in her will, it says.

01:07:18.000 Can you take that back?

01:07:20.000 It's a legally non-binding.

01:07:23.000 Good.

01:07:25.000 Change of mind.

01:07:25.000 That makes sense.

01:07:26.000 When you get older, stop having periods, start getting mean, develop some testosterone.

01:07:31.000 That's one of the things that you see old ladies with mustaches. 1.00

01:07:33.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.000 They get testosterone.

01:07:36.000 Really?

01:07:36.000 Yeah.

01:07:36.000 Their body stops producing as much estrogen.

01:07:39.000 Get a little more rugged, especially if you have to fend for yourself.

01:07:42.000 That's the amount of testosterone that I have naturally.

01:07:45.000 I have the testosterone of an old lady.

01:07:47.000 Old angry lady with no periods. 1.00

01:07:49.000 Same mustache.

01:07:51.000 By the way, I'm not a doctor.

01:07:53.000 I don't know if that's true.

01:07:55.000 I do know that women who fend for themselves and who run businesses and women who are like entrepreneurs and go-getters, they do statistically have higher levels of testosterone. 0.94

01:08:07.000 And they think there's a correlation between not just their actions, but when they're forced into the role of the breadwinner and forced into this role, they actually naturally develop more testosterone than they would if they were in a situation where they were married to Jeff Bezos and they could just chill.

01:08:25.000 Right.

01:08:25.000 That makes sense.

01:08:27.000 Totally makes sense.

01:08:29.000 People are adaptable.

01:08:31.000 Yeah.

01:08:32.000 And, like, testosterone, I mean, of course.

01:08:34.000 They have to.

01:08:35.000 Who's gonna have that type of go-getter, go-get-it energy without it?

01:08:42.000 Like that chick from, um... 1.00

01:08:44.000 Oh, man.

01:08:46.000 Oh.

01:08:47.000 The one that tried to make the machine where it tests your blood.

01:08:52.000 Oh, I was gonna bring her up.

01:08:53.000 Elizabeth Thanos.

01:08:54.000 Yeah.

01:08:55.000 Yeah.

01:08:55.000 You know that's a fake voice?

01:08:56.000 That deep voice she had.

01:08:58.000 So scary.

01:08:59.000 She faked a voice.

01:09:01.000 I want to hear a real voice.

01:09:02.000 People caught her talking on the phone and they were like, who was in your room?

01:09:05.000 And they walked in there and saw her and she saw them.

01:09:08.000 Hey, let me call you back.

01:09:11.000 She pretended to be like a female Steve Jobs. 1.00

01:09:14.000 She's like, I know what to do.

01:09:15.000 I'll just act like a man.

01:09:16.000 I'll put on black turtlenecks.

01:09:18.000 And everybody celebrated her.

01:09:20.000 Everybody's like, you're amazing.

01:09:21.000 You're amazing.

01:09:22.000 They wanted a woman to be an entrepreneur so bad.

01:09:24.000 She was the richest self-made woman ever.

01:09:27.000 I think at one point in time she was worth more than $9 billion.

01:09:31.000 For nothing, too.

01:09:33.000 It was all a lie.

01:09:35.000 Yeah.

01:09:35.000 It was certainly a lot of lies.

01:09:37.000 I don't know if it was all a lie.

01:09:39.000 I don't think it worked.

01:09:40.000 I think they really exaggerated what it could do.

01:09:44.000 And they sold it to Walgreens.

01:09:48.000 And the thing is, it's not just as simple as they lied.

01:09:52.000 It's also that people got medical screenings with that device that weren't accurate.

01:09:58.000 So, like, maybe you don't feel good, maybe you have a history of cancer in your family, and you're like, oh my god, I think I might have something.

01:10:04.000 And then you go to wherever, and you get that Theranos blood screening, and they go, no, Mike, you're fine.

01:10:12.000 And you're like, whew, back to boozing.

01:10:14.000 Oh my god.

01:10:16.000 Meanwhile, Mike's got colon cancer or Mike's got a tumor in his liver or Mike's got... 0.56

01:10:20.000 And you never find out because this blood scanner thing is horseshit.

01:10:26.000 How long did they put her away for? 0.87

01:10:28.000 They haven't put her away.

01:10:29.000 She hasn't lost in court yet.

01:10:32.000 I believe the company went bankrupt.

01:10:37.000 They owe so much money.

01:10:39.000 I think Betsy DeVos, I think she's into them for some astounding amount of money. 0.99

01:10:47.000 I think she went in for, I want to say it's more than $50 million.

01:10:53.000 And a lot of other really high-profile people got sucked into the narrative.

01:10:58.000 The narrative was, here's this genius woman who's really like the female Steve Jobs, and she even dressed like Steve Jobs. 1.00

01:11:05.000 And it sounded great.

01:11:06.000 I remember hearing the story, like, wow, this chick's badass. 1.00

01:11:09.000 I remember thinking, like, oh, that's cool.

01:11:11.000 I can get a blood test just by a finger prick?

01:11:14.000 Way better.

01:11:15.000 Because I get blood tests all the time.

01:11:17.000 I always want to find out where my body is. 0.98

01:11:19.000 Because I take so many vitamins and nutrients and testosterone replacement and all this shit and NAD. I want to find out how healthy I am. 0.93

01:11:27.000 Theranos, Holmes may pursue mental disease in her defense. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Yeah, I heard about that.

01:11:31.000 Yeah, she might say she's mentally ill, which is why she lied a lot.

01:11:37.000 But there's a really great podcast series about her. 0.62

01:11:43.000 The Dropout.

01:11:44.000 It's called The Dropout.

01:11:45.000 It's excellent.

01:11:47.000 It might be Wondery.

01:11:49.000 Find out if it's Wondery.

01:11:51.000 Find out who makes it.

01:11:52.000 Turn into a TV show.

01:11:53.000 Yeah, but the podcast series is amazing.

01:11:58.000 When I was living in California, I listened to it back to back to back until it was over.

01:12:03.000 Every week when the new episode would come out, I'd get pumped.

01:12:06.000 ABC Audio, it says.

01:12:07.000 ABC Audio.

01:12:09.000 Whoever made it, thumbs up.

01:12:10.000 You guys killed it because it was so compelling.

01:12:13.000 You find the story.

01:12:14.000 There's a guy named Sonny who was her boyfriend who drove a Lamborghini.

01:12:17.000 He's a real flashy guy.

01:12:19.000 And the two of them put the scam together, but he claimed to not know what she was doing.

01:12:23.000 You watched the whole thing on HBO, right?

01:12:25.000 I didn't, no.

01:12:27.000 Oh, man, yeah.

01:12:28.000 I know all about Sonny.

01:12:30.000 You gotta watch it, man.

01:12:31.000 They go to work together.

01:12:32.000 They live together.

01:12:33.000 And no one knew they were banging.

01:12:35.000 Right.

01:12:35.000 Yeah, they were hiding it, which is kind of hot.

01:12:37.000 Yeah, totally.

01:12:38.000 Pretending.

01:12:39.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:12:39.000 I'm so tired of Sonny's shit. 1.00

01:12:41.000 I'm thinking about firing him. 1.00

01:12:42.000 Right.

01:12:43.000 She's like...

01:12:43.000 Yeah.

01:12:44.000 Yeah.

01:12:47.000 Sunny's like, I think Elizabeth's lost her mind.

01:12:51.000 Every day.

01:12:54.000 Rolling into work together.

01:12:56.000 Hooking up at night.

01:12:58.000 Borrowing a bunch of money for a product that was never going to work.

01:13:02.000 Do you think they were doing coke or something?

01:13:04.000 Because I think when you see decisions like that that you know, like there's no way this is going to work.

01:13:09.000 What's happening here?

01:13:10.000 I usually think someone's on some sort of speed.

01:13:14.000 Amphetamines, coke, something.

01:13:15.000 Something crazy.

01:13:16.000 Very easily could have been.

01:13:19.000 So you know all about this and you never watched the HBO documentary series?

01:13:23.000 No.

01:13:24.000 Oh, it's absolutely incredible.

01:13:26.000 I'm sure it's good.

01:13:27.000 I got the whole story from the ABC podcast series.

01:13:32.000 Seeing it's pretty crazy though.

01:13:34.000 Oh, sure.

01:13:34.000 The machine is like, it was never going to work.

01:13:38.000 And every scientist is showing you it was never going to work.

01:13:41.000 And it shows you the needles and the glass vials just breaking.

01:13:44.000 It was just pools of blood in these dirty, plastic, I mean, they had to get these orders out to Walgreens.

01:13:54.000 And as you probably know, they were training people at Walgreens, cashiers that had no experience of the such, how to...

01:14:04.000 Because they ended up having to draw the blood of these people.

01:14:08.000 Because they just kept lying to people.

01:14:10.000 They're like, oh, this thing isn't working today.

01:14:11.000 You got the pass for the...

01:14:14.000 What was it again?

01:14:15.000 Thanos?

01:14:15.000 Theranos.

01:14:17.000 But, unfortunately, today it's down, so we're just going to take your blood with a syringe.

01:14:22.000 And they had to train these Walgreens employees.

01:14:26.000 To tap into veins?

01:14:28.000 Yes.

01:14:28.000 Oh my god.

01:14:29.000 That's crazy.

01:14:30.000 And that's how they kept the con going on for even longer.

01:14:35.000 Because once Walgreens was behind it, they paid the money.

01:14:38.000 They're like, well, let's at least...

01:14:39.000 There's something fascinating about cons.

01:14:42.000 Yeah.

01:14:43.000 Something fascinating.

01:14:44.000 Super fascinating.

01:14:46.000 You know, like, I went to a boxing gym once in North Hollywood, and the boxing coach, never forget this, he's like, you should invest in this thing I'm doing.

01:14:56.000 I'm like, what is it?

01:14:57.000 It was a pyramid scheme.

01:14:58.000 And he starts describing it to me.

01:15:00.000 I was like, well, you buy in, and then when you get other people to join up, then you cash out.

01:15:06.000 I go...

01:15:07.000 I go, you're talking about a pyramid scheme.

01:15:10.000 He didn't know what a pyramid scheme is?

01:15:12.000 He's like, dude, I've been making some money off of this.

01:15:14.000 I go, do you know what a pyramid scheme is?

01:15:15.000 He goes, no.

01:15:16.000 I go, what you described is a pyramid scheme.

01:15:18.000 There's no Google back then. 0.72

01:15:20.000 And I was like, goddammit.

01:15:21.000 And I'm like, I've got to stop coming here.

01:15:22.000 Because the guy wouldn't stop talking to me about this scheme.

01:15:25.000 Really, I'm telling you, you should invest in this.

01:15:27.000 It's a great deal.

01:15:28.000 I'm getting money back.

01:15:29.000 I'm putting money in.

01:15:30.000 You get a bunch of people to join in.

01:15:32.000 I go, where's the money going?

01:15:33.000 Well, they're investing.

01:15:34.000 And what?

01:15:35.000 In what?

01:15:37.000 He didn't understand.

01:15:40.000 It's like the biggest pyramid scheme ever, the biggest Ponzi scheme, is Bernie Madoff.

01:15:45.000 It was just super, super, super sophisticated.

01:15:48.000 He got Steven Spielberg.

01:15:50.000 Really?

01:15:50.000 Oh, yeah!

01:15:51.000 Wow.

01:15:51.000 He got some sophisticated people.

01:15:53.000 The guy who made Poltergeist also got taken.

01:15:56.000 See, find out all the famous people that got taken by Bernie Madoff.

01:16:00.000 It's a big list.

01:16:01.000 Jeez.

01:16:02.000 Yeah, because he was bringing back real returns.

01:16:05.000 Like, real returns.

01:16:06.000 Like, you'd get, you know, a certain percentage every year.

01:16:09.000 Like, he was just nailing it.

01:16:11.000 And there was a lot of financial people that were like, what is this?

01:16:15.000 What are you doing?

01:16:16.000 Like, this doesn't add up.

01:16:17.000 What's happening here? 0.99

01:16:19.000 What are the odds that his fucking last name was made off? 1.00

01:16:22.000 Is that the weirdest? 1.00

01:16:25.000 It's like OJ's last name being Cold-Blooded Murder. 0.68

01:16:30.000 It's insane.

01:16:30.000 He made off with a bunch of money.

01:16:32.000 Or Wiener.

01:16:35.000 Right!

01:16:36.000 That's another perfect one. 1.00

01:16:38.000 The guy who likes to show his dick. 1.00

01:16:39.000 Is it Andrew Wiener? 1.00

01:16:42.000 Anthony?

01:16:42.000 Anthony Wiener.

01:16:43.000 Where's he?

01:16:47.000 He's out of jail, right?

01:16:48.000 He should be doing stand-up.

01:16:49.000 That's a good idea.

01:16:51.000 That guy's a comic.

01:16:52.000 Steven Spielberg.

01:16:53.000 The director's charity, the Wonder Kinder Foundation, lost an undisclosed amount in November 2006. It had assets of $12.6 million in 70% of its interest.

01:17:04.000 And dividend income reportedly came from Madoff.

01:17:08.000 Wow.

01:17:10.000 Kevin Bacon.

01:17:11.000 They got taken.

01:17:12.000 And Kira Sedgwick.

01:17:13.000 She got taken.

01:17:14.000 Norman Brandman.

01:17:16.000 Whoever that is.

01:17:18.000 Ira Rennert.

01:17:19.000 Look at him.

01:17:20.000 He should be taken.

01:17:21.000 I don't trust your tie.

01:17:22.000 I don't like the color of your shirt. 1.00

01:17:24.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:17:25.000 Zsa Zsa Gabor. 1.00

01:17:26.000 God damn. 1.00

01:17:26.000 They took Zsa Zsa? 1.00

01:17:27.000 You piece of shit. 1.00

01:17:28.000 She suffered a $10 million loss. 1.00

01:17:30.000 Oh no!

01:17:31.000 She's from Green Acres, bro.

01:17:33.000 Oh my goodness, they got the Holocaust survivor too.

01:17:35.000 Sandy Koufax.

01:17:36.000 Sandy Koufax.

01:17:37.000 Wow.

01:17:38.000 Wow.

01:17:39.000 Who else?

01:17:40.000 Malkovich.

01:17:41.000 Oh my god, Malkovich! 1.00

01:17:43.000 You son of a bitch! 1.00

01:17:44.000 They should kill him for that. 1.00

01:17:46.000 It says most of them have recovered. 1.00

01:17:48.000 Oh, shut up. 0.99

01:17:50.000 Recovered. 0.99

01:17:50.000 Finally receiving payouts. 0.99

01:17:52.000 They've not recovered everything.

01:17:53.000 They're just finally starting to get money back, but this is 2017. $4 billion of recovered funds.

01:17:57.000 Look at his face.

01:18:00.000 One of the things they said that was really fascinating about him, the cops that handled him and all the people that brought him to court, he never felt any remorse.

01:18:08.000 Never. 0.94

01:18:08.000 He was a straight-up sociopath. 0.94

01:18:10.000 He didn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:18:11.000 He kept demanding things. 0.99

01:18:13.000 He felt he should get more things.

01:18:15.000 Better treatment.

01:18:16.000 Wanted better rooms.

01:18:18.000 No remorse.

01:18:20.000 Never felt bad.

01:18:21.000 All these retirees, these people that saved their whole life and they were going to put all their money in his account.

01:18:27.000 Norman, I think we're going to get a good return on our money.

01:18:31.000 He just stole it.

01:18:32.000 Stole it all.

01:18:33.000 Why steal that much money?

01:18:35.000 Because that was what his business was.

01:18:37.000 But what's the difference between $4 billion and $1 billion? 1.00

01:18:39.000 $3 billion, you fucking idiot. 1.00

01:18:41.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:18:43.000 When I am giving you math advice, you've got a real problem.

01:18:50.000 But what can you buy with four that you can't buy with one?

01:18:53.000 Island.

01:18:54.000 But does anyone do that?

01:18:56.000 Yeah.

01:18:57.000 No one wants their own island.

01:18:58.000 You're so naive.

01:18:59.000 Listen to me.

01:19:01.000 It's like everything.

01:19:02.000 When you're playing a game, okay, let's say you're playing golf, right?

01:19:07.000 What's a good handicap? 1.00

01:19:10.000 Zero.

01:19:10.000 Zero, okay.

01:19:12.000 And say, what are you at right now?

01:19:14.000 Horrible.

01:19:15.000 I don't know.

01:19:16.000 Whatever.

01:19:17.000 We'll say... 0.96

01:19:18.000 Everybody starts shitty. 0.98

01:19:18.000 Whatever you are, you're better than me. 0.98

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:20.000 What are you?

01:19:21.000 I'm not sure of my exact handicap right now.

01:19:24.000 30?

01:19:24.000 Sure.

01:19:24.000 Okay.

01:19:25.000 You want to be 15, don't you?

01:19:26.000 Right.

01:19:27.000 Then you want to be 5. Yeah.

01:19:29.000 Okay. 1.00

01:19:30.000 Well, when you're Elon Musk and you're worth 20 billion or whatever, you look at Jeff Bezos, you're like, that piece of shit's stealing my ideas. 1.00

01:19:37.000 His fucking Project Blue or whatever, that bullshit rocket formula thing he's got, lying about his achievements. 1.00

01:19:44.000 I want to beat him! 1.00

01:19:46.000 Right.

01:19:46.000 When you're Jeff Bezos, and you realize you're worth $150 billion, but you realize some Saudi oil guys are probably worth a couple trillion.

01:19:53.000 Wouldn't it be nice to be the first legit trillionaire from the Western world?

01:19:58.000 Why wouldn't Bezos quit?

01:20:00.000 Why doesn't he stop working? 0.99

01:20:02.000 Why isn't he just lying on a beach somewhere, get his balls massaged and drink coconut juice? 0.99

01:20:06.000 Why? 0.98

01:20:07.000 Why do people keep working?

01:20:08.000 They keep working because it's a sickness.

01:20:10.000 Because numbers.

01:20:11.000 You get numbers, you want more numbers.

01:20:13.000 It's one thing if you're getting numbers doing what you love to do.

01:20:16.000 Like if you're a baseball player and they keep paying you more and you love baseball. 0.96

01:20:19.000 But if you're just a straight up numbers man, you're never fucking satisfied. 0.65

01:20:24.000 You want more numbers. 0.95

01:20:26.000 What is it?

01:20:26.000 Bernie Madoff asking Trump to reduce his prison sentence for massive Ponzi schemes.

01:20:31.000 What year is this?

01:20:33.000 This is last year.

01:20:33.000 I hope he does.

01:20:35.000 I hope he does just for the spectacle at all.

01:20:37.000 I hope he pardons Snowden, and I hope he pardons Julian Assange.

01:20:43.000 Let's Madoff out, gives O.J. Simpson a full pardon.

01:20:47.000 What else?

01:20:48.000 OJ. Yeah.

01:20:50.000 Exonerates Mike Tyson.

01:20:51.000 It goes down the list of everyone who ever went to jail for...

01:20:55.000 How many pardons do you get?

01:20:57.000 As many as you want, I believe.

01:20:58.000 Unlimited.

01:20:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:59.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:59.000 What if he just opens up the prisons?

01:21:01.000 Everyone!

01:21:02.000 Pardon!

01:21:03.000 He might.

01:21:03.000 Donald Trump loves you and you can all vote.

01:21:05.000 What if he changes that, opens up the prisons, makes everyone pardoned for every crime ever.

01:21:12.000 And then you can all vote.

01:21:13.000 Everything except murder and rape. 0.99

01:21:14.000 That'd be an interesting storyline.

01:21:18.000 He's going to push back on this thing.

01:21:20.000 I don't know what's going to happen, but that'd be an interesting movie.

01:21:23.000 A president who's mad that he didn't get re-elected, so he lets out his anger on the country and just uses all of his power.

01:21:29.000 Well, he already fired...

01:21:31.000 What was it?

01:21:31.000 The Secretary of State?

01:21:32.000 No.

01:21:33.000 The Secretary of Defense?

01:21:35.000 Yeah.

01:21:35.000 He fired the Secretary of Defense.

01:21:37.000 I mean, when you're firing people two months in.

01:21:40.000 And there was a...

01:21:42.000 Maybe it was a New York Times article I was reading about his schedule.

01:21:46.000 They were saying he shows little interest in his job right now.

01:21:51.000 Yeah.

01:21:52.000 But what do you expect?

01:21:54.000 He just lost the election.

01:21:55.000 Do you expect a guy that played golf more than any other president ever in the history of presidents who complained about Obama playing golf, who's playing golf more than anybody ever, when you tell him the job's over, he's not going to keep working.

01:22:09.000 Why would he do that?

01:22:10.000 Yeah.

01:22:10.000 Why would he keep working?

01:22:11.000 Plus, you don't believe in the people that...

01:22:15.000 Why help the people that went against you?

01:22:19.000 Well, not everybody went against you.

01:22:20.000 Right.

01:22:21.000 I agree.

01:22:22.000 I mean, look, I've always been weirdly...

01:22:25.000 I sort of like the guy.

01:22:29.000 Well, you like bad guys.

01:22:31.000 Yeah, but I don't think...

01:22:32.000 I like bad guys that are actually good guys, but are bad guys.

01:22:36.000 You know what I mean?

01:22:36.000 Have you watched Cobra Kai?

01:22:38.000 No.

01:22:38.000 You should watch it.

01:22:39.000 That's the whole theme of the movie.

01:22:40.000 Really?

01:22:40.000 The show.

01:22:41.000 The series.

01:22:41.000 Yeah.

01:22:42.000 You remember the bad guy that Ralph Macchio fucked up? 0.94

01:22:44.000 Mm-hmm. 0.64

01:22:45.000 He's the guy you root for in the Cobra Kai series.

01:22:48.000 Wow.

01:22:48.000 It's really good.

01:22:49.000 It's really good and it's really cheesy.

01:22:50.000 In a good way, it's like watching a really well-written 1980s movie, but it goes on for hours and hours and hours.

01:22:56.000 Wow.

01:22:57.000 It's like a Netflix 1980s movie with 2020 writing, but like an homage to 1980s movies.

01:23:06.000 And Ralph Macchio.

01:23:08.000 What's Ralph Macchio doing this?

01:23:10.000 He's the bad guy, but he's also a good guy. 0.95

01:23:13.000 He's a good guy, but he's making some really fucking petty decisions, and you kind of root against him. 0.99

01:23:19.000 And the bad guy is kind of a fucking loser, but you kind of root for him. 0.99

01:23:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:24.000 Ralph Macchio's a winner. 1.00

01:23:25.000 He's got a car agency.

01:23:26.000 He's doing real well.

01:23:28.000 Yeah, LaRusso.

01:23:30.000 LaRusso Auto Sales. 0.98

01:23:31.000 Fucking great. 0.97

01:23:33.000 You know, when Trump was at Madison Square Garden, I just didn't get the vibe from him that he was a bad guy. 0.98

01:23:41.000 Oh, well, that's good enough.

01:23:43.000 You saw him from a distance.

01:23:46.000 Jesus Christ, Tony.

01:23:48.000 You're the average American voter.

01:23:50.000 Hey, 70 million people can't be wrong.

01:23:54.000 Of course they can.

01:23:56.000 That's him.

01:23:57.000 Wow.

01:23:58.000 Johnny Lawrence.

01:23:58.000 Yeah, Johnny Lawrence.

01:24:00.000 What is his real name?

01:24:04.000 He's really good though.

01:24:05.000 The actor.

01:24:06.000 I don't know what he's done since Cobra Kai.

01:24:09.000 I hope he's had regular jobs.

01:24:12.000 I haven't seen him in anything.

01:24:14.000 Mike Barnes?

01:24:16.000 No.

01:24:17.000 How far into this did you get?

01:24:19.000 I'm always surprised by the things you end up watching and not watching.

01:24:23.000 This is a Bill Burr suggestion.

01:24:26.000 William Zabka.

01:24:28.000 I knew it was a Z. Zabka. 1.00

01:24:30.000 He's really good.

01:24:31.000 He's really good in it.

01:24:32.000 I knew a lot of those karate douches when I was a kid. 0.99

01:24:36.000 I knew a lot of those guys.

01:24:38.000 Those never surrender!

01:24:39.000 No retreat!

01:24:41.000 Never surrender! 0.99

01:24:42.000 And then you just kick them in their chest and they surrender immediately. 0.95

01:24:45.000 Well, they weren't the best schools. 0.93

01:24:49.000 Like, my school...

01:24:50.000 I was really lucky.

01:24:52.000 I found this school when I was 15 years old.

01:24:56.000 I had a place that I went to before that in Newton.

01:25:01.000 It was Joe Esposito's karate school.

01:25:05.000 And he was like a Newton legend.

01:25:07.000 He was a karate guy.

01:25:08.000 It was a good school.

01:25:09.000 But I didn't have...

01:25:11.000 We're good to go.

01:25:31.000 Like, two blocks away from the Jaehyun Kim Taekwondo Institute, and I found it when I was 15. I got super, super lucky, because they were the most hardcore.

01:25:40.000 And this was in 1980. It was just different.

01:25:45.000 I guess I was 15, so it was 81-ish.

01:25:48.000 81, 82. They were hardcore, man.

01:25:52.000 But they weren't like, no retreat, no surrender! 1.00

01:25:55.000 There was none of that shit. 1.00

01:25:57.000 It was, yes sir, no sir, honor, bowing. 1.00

01:26:00.000 It was like you had the tenets of Taekwondo that you had to follow. 0.83

01:26:04.000 There was no shenanigans or fuckery. 0.99

01:26:07.000 But there was no tough guy shit either. 0.99

01:26:10.000 It was very stoic. 0.99

01:26:14.000 But we would go to tournaments and you would see those, no retreat, no surrender.

01:26:19.000 You'd see those guys.

01:26:19.000 They weren't good.

01:26:21.000 Right.

01:26:21.000 That was part of the problem.

01:26:22.000 They were trying to make up for the lack of skill.

01:26:27.000 It's all about lineage, man.

01:26:29.000 It's all about who's teaching you.

01:26:31.000 Whether or not you learn your techniques correctly. 0.99

01:26:34.000 Because if you go to a bad school, one of the things that I found out when I was teaching is it's really hard to unlearn shit. 0.96

01:26:41.000 When I would teach people things, like if they had a background in a martial art that... 0.98

01:26:47.000 In the 70s and the 80s, there was no YouTube, right?

01:26:51.000 So you had to find a good instructor, and you didn't know who the good instructors were.

01:26:56.000 Some guys had bad technique, but they were just badasses, and they figured out how to win with bad technique.

01:27:01.000 But then they would go up against someone who was also a badass who had better technique, and then you would see the difference.

01:27:06.000 The really good guys, the tough guys that didn't have the right technique, they would eventually fall off.

01:27:13.000 And it was really hard for them to relearn stuff.

01:27:15.000 So when I would teach people, it would be real hard to relearn stuff.

01:27:18.000 Like, the best students were people that knew nothing.

01:27:21.000 The best students were girls. 1.00

01:27:24.000 Because they didn't have any macho bullshit. 0.98

01:27:26.000 Like, one of my best students was a girl that I trained from the time she was 15 to she was like 18. I was so proud of her. 0.99

01:27:34.000 I would take her to karate tournaments, these taekwondo tournaments, and she would do well.

01:27:37.000 It was like this crazy, weird mentor relationship I had with this girl.

01:27:41.000 She would listen to everything.

01:27:43.000 She never thought she knew more than you.

01:27:46.000 So I'd have like 50 people in my class, but this one girl just would show up every day. 1.00

01:27:50.000 Her parents would bring her and they would encourage her.

01:27:53.000 It was really cool.

01:27:54.000 But girls wouldn't, they wouldn't fight you on things. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Like guys, I would teach them, I'm like, you gotta pick your knee up.

01:27:59.000 Well, sometimes when a guy's close, I like to do it like this.

01:28:01.000 I'm like, okay.

01:28:04.000 Listen to me.

01:28:05.000 You gotta pick your knee up. 0.91

01:28:06.000 Do you want to kick like that guy?

01:28:08.000 You want to kick like John Lee?

01:28:09.000 You gotta pick your knee up.

01:28:10.000 You gotta do it right. 0.99

01:28:11.000 Guys would have like this weird ego shit. 0.99

01:28:13.000 Girls wouldn't have it. 1.00

01:28:14.000 I would say, you have to pick your knee up.

01:28:15.000 They would go like this.

01:28:16.000 And they'd go like, yes.

01:28:17.000 And then turn like that.

01:28:18.000 And they would just do it.

01:28:19.000 And if you learn the right way, you had a way better path. 0.93

01:28:23.000 So I got stupid lucky that I walked into the right school and found these people that were like hardcore with technique.

01:28:31.000 Everything had to be done correctly. 0.97

01:28:32.000 And if you were off at all...

01:28:36.000 Every instructor was Mr. Mr. O'Malley or Mr. Kim.

01:28:39.000 Mr. O'Malley or Mr. Kim, they would correct you.

01:28:41.000 Not like that, like this.

01:28:42.000 Didn't matter how hard you were hitting the back.

01:28:44.000 If your knee was low or if your position was wrong, your foot wasn't pivoted, they would correct you.

01:28:50.000 Technique's everything.

01:28:51.000 You know that from wrestling, right?

01:28:53.000 100% everything.

01:28:54.000 And golf.

01:28:55.000 It's everything.

01:28:56.000 Technique is everything. 1.00

01:28:57.000 Any moron that would take a golf club and go, I'm going to hit this ball so hard without doing the 30 things at once that you have to do. 1.00

01:29:05.000 Fall over and look like a complete moron. 1.00

01:29:26.000 Like, whatever it is. 1.00

01:29:27.000 Whether it's martial arts or whether it's even pool.

01:29:30.000 I would remember when I would play in tournaments a lot, there was guys that never got better.

01:29:34.000 Like, they were where I was when I first started and then I got way better and they were the same.

01:29:39.000 Same with martial arts.

01:29:41.000 There's some people, they do something for a long time but they never do it right.

01:29:44.000 They always have like these weird flaws in their style or their execution or their technique.

01:29:50.000 But I think getting good at anything, whether it's Chess or golf or playing a musical instrument I think that's one of the most important things a person can do is learn something from scratch where you suck at it I'm trying to think of the next thing because I'm I'm not great at archery,

01:30:08.000 but I'm pretty good.

01:30:09.000 I'm pretty good. 0.89

01:30:10.000 I'm pretty proficient I know how to keep my shit together when it comes to like the moment of truth when I look in a bow hunting scenario because I've been nervous a lot doing stand-up and fighting and all the other shit I've ever done but I need something new.

01:30:23.000 I'm trying to figure out what it should be. 0.88

01:30:26.000 But I think guns, like learning how to shoot pistols correctly, like that terror tactical, that helped a lot.

01:30:32.000 That was an interesting thing to do, to get better at that.

01:30:35.000 Because you realize that this is a totally different thing than anything else you do.

01:30:38.000 And so you, and learning from all the people there, like, how to hold it correctly, grab it really hard with your right hand, but your left hand, or your left hand, rather, but your right hand, you don't really grab that hard, which is interesting, because that's the trigger finger, but you don't have a lot of tension in that.

01:30:51.000 The tension is more in your left hand.

01:30:53.000 And all these techniques you learn from those, like, people that win these world championships and shooting, anything you're doing, man, whatever it is, whether it's yoga or any, just try something new.

01:31:05.000 Right.

01:31:05.000 And get better at it.

01:31:07.000 Yeah.

01:31:07.000 I play golf with one guy who wants to be good, so he's not getting any better because he's, like, cheating.

01:31:17.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:19.000 He cheats?

01:31:19.000 Yeah.

01:31:20.000 And we all know that he cheats, but he doesn't know that we all know and that we're watching him the whole time, so it's one of the funniest running things.

01:31:27.000 Three out of the four of us know that the one is cheating continuously.

01:31:30.000 So he'll do this thing where...

01:31:33.000 Where he'll go, he'll find his ball, if he finds his ball, by the way, which if he can't find his ball, he'll just say that he found his ball and drop another ball.

01:31:42.000 He'll pull his cart over and then go to the other side of his cart so that we're all blocked out and he'll magically find his ball.

01:31:49.000 Are you playing golf with Donald Trump?

01:31:51.000 Yeah.

01:31:52.000 No.

01:31:52.000 Because that's what he does.

01:31:54.000 That's what everybody says.

01:31:55.000 No. 1.00

01:31:55.000 These people are full of crap. 1.00

01:31:56.000 You watch Tiger Woods, he'll tell you he's one of the best golfers that he's ever golfed with. 1.00

01:32:01.000 I'd say that too if I wanted to go to Mar-a-Lago.

01:32:04.000 I live in Florida.

01:32:05.000 I want to go to Mar-a-Lago.

01:32:06.000 I don't want to be banned like Joe Scarborough.

01:32:09.000 No.

01:32:10.000 That's why they don't show you clips of Trump playing golf, because they don't want people to know how good he is at it.

01:32:15.000 I'm dead serious.

01:32:16.000 Stop.

01:32:17.000 I will not. 1.00

01:32:17.000 Listen to me, stupid. 1.00

01:32:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:18.000 Don't you think Trump would have videos of him being awesome at golf? 1.00

01:32:22.000 Yeah, that's out there.

01:32:24.000 Let's watch them.

01:32:25.000 Okay.

01:32:26.000 Do you think you have videos of Trump, like you have videos of Manny Pacquiao running out in the pool?

01:32:30.000 I told you Manny Pacquiao's like a legit pro.

01:32:32.000 You saw it.

01:32:34.000 Do you think there's videos of Trump playing like Manny Pacquiao plays pool?

01:32:37.000 Trump probably doesn't release the videos because he thinks people will compare him to pro golfers. 0.78

01:32:42.000 But to a non-pro golfer, he's a freak. 1.00

01:32:45.000 Listen to me, bitch. 1.00

01:32:46.000 I'm telling you, I'm right about this. 1.00

01:32:48.000 You're talking nonsense.

01:32:49.000 How and why President Trump treats golf even when he's playing against Tiger Woods.

01:32:53.000 Yeah, fake news.

01:32:56.000 Golf.com.

01:32:57.000 Yeah, golf.com.

01:32:58.000 It's on golf.com!

01:32:59.000 Sure, you can go to the New York Times and they'll tell you Trump is bad at some point.

01:33:02.000 Bro, if anybody's conservative, it's golf players.

01:33:06.000 So you think Tiger Woods...

01:33:07.000 How many conservative golf players do you think there are?

01:33:11.000 Is it a thousand percent?

01:33:12.000 There's a lot.

01:33:13.000 Trump owns like ten of the best courses.

01:33:14.000 I understand.

01:33:15.000 But people that play golf are generally business-oriented folks.

01:33:18.000 Business-oriented folks want better tax breaks.

01:33:21.000 They're the kind of people that are going to be conservative.

01:33:23.000 Yeah.

01:33:24.000 So they're going to buy a golf magazine.

01:33:26.000 Yeah.

01:33:27.000 People who write about golf may be a little bit more liberal because they're journalists?

01:33:31.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:33:32.000 Every journalist is liberal.

01:33:34.000 Not everyone.

01:33:35.000 I mean, there's a couple, but nobody's reading them.

01:33:39.000 What's a conservative newspaper?

01:33:41.000 Trump doesn't just cheat at golf.

01:33:43.000 He cheats like a three-card Monty dealer.

01:33:46.000 He throws it, boots it, and moves it.

01:33:49.000 He lies about his lies.

01:33:50.000 He fudges and foozles and fluffs.

01:33:54.000 At Winged Foot, where Trump is a member, the caddies got so used to seeing him kick his ball back onto the fairway, they came up with a nickname for it.

01:34:03.000 Pele.

01:34:04.000 That's a nickname for him.

01:34:05.000 Pele.

01:34:05.000 Get out of here.

01:34:07.000 I played with him once, says Brian Marshall, a longtime Winged Foot member, and the chair of the coming 2020 Men's U.S. Open.

01:34:15.000 I would say that's a legit source.

01:34:17.000 His quote, it was a Saturday morning game.

01:34:22.000 We got to the first tee, and he couldn't have been nicer.

01:34:25.000 But then he said, you see those two guys?

01:34:28.000 They cheat.

01:34:28.000 See me?

01:34:29.000 I cheat.

01:34:30.000 And I expect you to cheat, because we're going to beat those two guys today.

01:34:34.000 He's being funny.

01:34:35.000 So, yes, it's true.

01:34:37.000 He's going to cheat you.

01:34:38.000 But I think Donald, in his heart of hearts, believes that you're going to cheat him, too.

01:34:44.000 So, if it's the same, if everybody's cheating, he doesn't see it as really cheating.

01:34:50.000 Okay.

01:34:50.000 Well, that makes sense.

01:34:51.000 Because I would think that a lot of his friends are dirtbags, too. 0.57

01:34:54.000 Like, one of the things about joke thieves, right?

01:34:56.000 We all know this.

01:34:57.000 They take kids on the road with them, and those kids become joke thieves, right?

01:35:00.000 We don't have to name names.

01:35:01.000 Yep.

01:35:01.000 But we know comics who started out working for thieves.

01:35:06.000 Yep.

01:35:06.000 And those comics became thieves.

01:35:08.000 No doubt.

01:35:09.000 Yeah, because they realize, like, this guy's got a Mercedes.

01:35:11.000 Yeah.

01:35:11.000 Lives in a nice house.

01:35:12.000 Yep, and that's how it's done.

01:35:13.000 That's how it's done.

01:35:14.000 Right.

01:35:14.000 If you grow up in the wrong environment, you really...

01:35:19.000 You think that that's the way to do it, you know? 0.99

01:35:22.000 And I think if you're in that fucking dog-eat-dog, crazy, egomaniac, pre-internet business world, which Trump is 74, right? 0.99

01:35:30.000 He was 50 when the internet came around. 1.00

01:35:33.000 Stop and think about that, right?

01:35:36.000 Yeah.

01:35:37.000 They weren't expecting that.

01:35:38.000 Come on, son. 1.00

01:35:39.000 Thought you could just keep being a douchebag. 0.99

01:35:42.000 Speaking of cons, I stopped one the other day. 0.99

01:35:47.000 Stopped a con?

01:35:48.000 Yeah, I felt really good about it.

01:35:49.000 So I was leaving my place, going to get a coffee, and I see this guy leaning out of his brown bronco.

01:35:58.000 Yelling at this lady in the car in the lane next to him.

01:36:00.000 He's got a Bronco?

01:36:01.000 Yeah, something like that.

01:36:02.000 Like a nice one?

01:36:03.000 No, like a beat up one.

01:36:05.000 Like an OJ one? 0.97

01:36:05.000 Yeah, like an old beat up OJ one. 0.97

01:36:08.000 And it's like beat up and brown and something just didn't look right about it.

01:36:12.000 And the guy's like yelling like, no, seriously, pull over lady, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?

01:36:17.000 And I noticed it and I'm like, something seems shady, what's going on over there?

01:36:20.000 And then their light turns green and he's like beeping at this lady aggressively that's in the lane next to him.

01:36:26.000 Whatever, I go get my coffee and Ten minutes later, I pull into a gas station to get something.

01:36:32.000 And I see the same car.

01:36:34.000 And this guy...

01:36:35.000 There's a lady pulled over at the gas station. 0.99

01:36:38.000 And he's yelling at this lady.

01:36:40.000 And the lady's like... 1.00

01:36:41.000 And I'm trying to listen, but I'm not. 0.96

01:36:44.000 And again, I'm like, screw it. 0.86

01:36:45.000 I'm going to mind my own business.

01:36:46.000 And I go in the gas station.

01:36:48.000 And then she... 1.00

01:36:50.000 Is in line behind me.

01:36:51.000 She's going to the ATM. And I'm like, hey, just out of curiosity, what'd that guy say to you?

01:36:57.000 She goes, I think I'm being scammed.

01:36:59.000 And I go, you are.

01:37:01.000 It turns out that this guy was screaming at ladies that because of how they were driving, he had to swerve and hit a car.

01:37:08.000 And he doesn't want to have to go through the insurance, so just give him a few hundred bucks now.

01:37:13.000 Since I saw him do it to two different ladies at two different cross streets...

01:37:19.000 I caught on to it and he was just about to get her.

01:37:21.000 She was literally at the ATM putting her card in when I say, what's that guy talking with you about?

01:37:27.000 And she knew it in her gut.

01:37:29.000 She was right.

01:37:30.000 She was scared though.

01:37:31.000 So she was just going to do it.

01:37:32.000 Right.

01:37:33.000 And that's how they get you.

01:37:35.000 There's a lot of those, man.

01:37:37.000 That's weird about LA. You don't see a lot of those three-card Monty things.

01:37:41.000 Have you ever seen three-card Monty in New York?

01:37:43.000 Is that what the Cubs...

01:37:46.000 Yeah, or cards.

01:37:48.000 Three card monies with cards, but the cup thing is a similar kind of scam.

01:37:52.000 It's like a little ball into the cup and they move the cups around and it's just like sleight of hand.

01:37:57.000 When you see David Blaine manipulate cards, you realize like, oh, okay, there's levels to everything. 0.98

01:38:06.000 David Blaine can do crazy shit with cards. 1.00

01:38:08.000 He did shit with my daughter. 1.00

01:38:10.000 He did these card tricks and I was watching everything he did and I have no idea how he did it. 1.00

01:38:16.000 He did things where he had a stack of cards and he'd keep tapping the stack and the stack would go smaller and smaller until there was two cards.

01:38:23.000 You have no idea how he did it.

01:38:25.000 You're just looking at him like, what are you doing?

01:38:27.000 It's like he's got access to time travel.

01:38:30.000 He's pulling those cards out when you're not looking and then coming back to normal time.

01:38:34.000 It didn't make...

01:38:35.000 Right?

01:38:36.000 I know how to do a couple of minimal card tricks, and I'm not very good at them, but I have an idea of what's happening. 0.97

01:38:42.000 You need trick decks and shit for the one time.

01:38:44.000 I'm not good at them. 0.98

01:38:46.000 He was freaking me out.

01:38:47.000 I was watching him do one, I swear.

01:38:48.000 I was like, I'm going to catch him right now. 0.99

01:38:49.000 I'm going to fucking catch him. 0.97

01:38:50.000 I was two feet from him, and he did something. 0.99

01:38:53.000 It just disappeared.

01:38:54.000 How about the ones we did where the guys were holding his wrists?

01:38:57.000 We had our security guys hold each of his wrists.

01:38:59.000 He asked them to do it.

01:39:00.000 Hold each of his wrists.

01:39:01.000 He rolled his sleeves up.

01:39:03.000 And he made these cards disappear.

01:39:05.000 And you're like, what is happening?

01:39:06.000 Oh my god.

01:39:07.000 What are you doing? 1.00

01:39:08.000 Magicians are crazy. 0.97

01:39:10.000 It's like psychology and misdirection. 0.88

01:39:14.000 He's mixing it all together at a level that we can't understand.

01:39:16.000 He's so advanced.

01:39:18.000 Yeah.

01:39:19.000 I took one writing gig like six or seven years ago with Justin Willman, who's a genius, great magician.

01:39:25.000 He's the Netflix guy now.

01:39:30.000 I took the job because Robert Morton, who used to be the executive producer of Letterman, was the EP of this.

01:39:38.000 Anyway, I take the job just because it's a short two-four week.

01:39:42.000 We're making a pilot for this magician.

01:39:44.000 I'm like, I like magic.

01:39:45.000 Magic's cool.

01:39:46.000 And Morty's the EP, so this will be a cool thing to work on, right?

01:39:50.000 Short job.

01:39:51.000 So I show up day one, and basically we're all in a big writer's room or whatever, and I go, yeah, you know?

01:39:58.000 And they're like, we got Tony here, because he's gonna add some edge to the comedy on this show, because it was Comedy Central's first ever magic comedy show.

01:40:07.000 The pilot.

01:40:08.000 And I go, yeah, you know, I'll punch up whatever.

01:40:12.000 You guys show me the tricks that you want to do and I'll write jokes around the trick.

01:40:17.000 And this is when I realized how cool this job was about to be.

01:40:22.000 The main guy goes, no, you write the trick and you write the jokes.

01:40:28.000 And I'm like, so you'll be able to do whatever my imagination thinks would be a cool magic trick?

01:40:34.000 And him and four other magicians, which was basically the rest of the creative staff at the same time, were like, Yup.

01:40:42.000 And that's what excites them.

01:40:46.000 Because they can't even think of things.

01:40:48.000 You know what I mean?

01:40:49.000 They can, but they want to hear what a different mind thinks would be impossible.

01:40:54.000 And then they figure out how to do it?

01:40:56.000 What's an example?

01:40:58.000 Well, we ended up, because it was a pilot of a show, we ended up having to figure out a theme for just the pilot.

01:41:05.000 So, for example, that was technology.

01:41:09.000 So, one of the things was him versus a 3D printer.

01:41:15.000 Yeah.

01:41:17.000 In making things appear.

01:41:20.000 It was really funny because there was this kid, they went to this, we ended up finding this like nerdy smart school where this kid was excited about his 3D printer and basically it was just him making things appear out of absolutely nowhere while one kid was still printing one thing with a 3D printer.

01:41:41.000 It took forever and he ended up just pidge and pidge and pidge and pidge and car, car, car, car, car.

01:41:45.000 Like it ended up being...

01:41:46.000 It's a comedy.

01:41:49.000 I'm trying to think of what other ones.

01:41:51.000 There were some really crazy ones.

01:41:53.000 I think it's a whole world where there's things that they understand, they know, where the average person...

01:42:01.000 You look at a deck of cards, you have an idea of what's possible with that deck of cards, but they have...

01:42:10.000 10x times more options.

01:42:12.000 How to hold them, how to move them, how to maneuver those cards, how to distract you with the other hand.

01:42:18.000 I'd like to hang around with David Blaine for a few months and watch him do tricks.

01:42:22.000 It ended up being one of the most fun gigs I ever worked on.

01:42:25.000 I'd get home after a day of work and I'd find the seven of spades in my shoe.

01:42:31.000 I'm like, this guy forgot to finish that one trick.

01:42:33.000 He stuffed a folded card under Jeff's watch band.

01:42:38.000 And he's like, where's the card?

01:42:41.000 And Jeff's like, where'd it go?

01:42:42.000 He goes, look at your wrist.

01:42:43.000 And he's like, what?

01:42:44.000 And he realized it was folded and stuffed under his watch band. 0.99

01:42:49.000 And he has a fucking G-Shock, right? 0.97

01:42:51.000 So it's not like a loose, crazy watch band. 0.99

01:42:55.000 It's a tight, buckle, rubber strap watch band.

01:43:00.000 He stuffs it in there. 1.00

01:43:01.000 And he's like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:43:03.000 And I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:43:04.000 No one saw it. 0.99

01:43:07.000 Jamie, you were filming some of it, right?

01:43:09.000 Didn't you film some of it?

01:43:10.000 Other people did.

01:43:11.000 I was a big fan of his growing up because I was a huge fan of Magic, David Copperfield, but after I figured out how the fake that was, I moved into Street Magic because it's a little harder to do, and that's what he was big on.

01:43:24.000 So I waited my whole life to watch him up close and he's got to be two feet from like I said and I wanted to just I wanted to try to catch him and he was so good at he did like seven tricks in front of me can't he's a really nice guy really nice guy like genuinely nice on camera off camera with everybody with security guys with my family with everybody Like,

01:43:45.000 you can tell.

01:43:45.000 It's just a really nice, friendly, genuine guy.

01:43:48.000 But some of the stuff he does is fucking weird. 0.97

01:43:51.000 Like, he made me shove an ice pick through his bicep. 0.97

01:43:53.000 Yeah, what was that like?

01:43:55.000 I mean, are you...

01:43:57.000 Here's the thing.

01:43:58.000 Yeah.

01:44:00.000 Um...

01:44:00.000 It's not a trick, right?

01:44:02.000 It's just pain.

01:44:04.000 And, um...

01:44:07.000 I think pain is just a sensation, right?

01:44:11.000 And if you could just tolerate the sensation, it's not deadly.

01:44:15.000 And one time I hit a nerve and we had to back it out and do it again.

01:44:18.000 I had to do it a second time because I got in there and he said, stop, stop, stop!

01:44:21.000 Like it hit the nerve.

01:44:23.000 So I had to back out and do it again.

01:44:26.000 I think it was supposed to be more disturbing and impressive than I reacted to it.

01:44:35.000 First of all, I'm used to pain.

01:44:39.000 I've been doing martial arts most of my life, so I'm always hurt.

01:44:43.000 I've had a bunch of surgeries.

01:44:45.000 And also I've butchered animals.

01:44:47.000 I understand muscle tissue.

01:44:51.000 It's just like, why are we doing this?

01:44:53.000 It was more why are we doing this than, oh my god, I can't believe we're doing this.

01:44:57.000 That one was not a good one for me.

01:45:00.000 Because it's like, okay, I could do that too.

01:45:02.000 If you want to shove that through my arm, I could just sit here while you shove that through my arm.

01:45:07.000 I wouldn't like it though.

01:45:08.000 Did he bleed?

01:45:09.000 Yeah, he bled a little bit.

01:45:10.000 Yeah.

01:45:11.000 We had to stop and re-film because he had like a little bit of a hematoma, right Jamie, wasn't it?

01:45:17.000 Like a little...

01:45:18.000 Building up, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:45:19.000 Yeah, and so the security guys had to put like a fucking band-aid on it and shit and check it out. 0.99

01:45:24.000 One of them's a medic. 0.99

01:45:26.000 How do you think...

01:45:26.000 Do you think he went through the muscle?

01:45:28.000 I pushed it through his fucking arm, dude. 1.00

01:45:30.000 Like his muscle? 1.00

01:45:32.000 100%.

01:45:32.000 Not between the bone and the muscle?

01:45:34.000 No.

01:45:35.000 No, I shoved it through his muscle.

01:45:38.000 100%.

01:45:39.000 But you can do that though.

01:45:40.000 How thick was it?

01:45:42.000 The needle?

01:45:42.000 It was an ice pick.

01:45:45.000 But I'm telling you, you can do that.

01:45:49.000 You know, there's guys, this is one of the things we found out during the show that I didn't know.

01:45:52.000 There's guys that would shove swords through their body.

01:45:55.000 Their whole gig was shoving swords through their body.

01:45:59.000 And we watched it live.

01:46:00.000 I mean, not live.

01:46:01.000 We watched videos of these guys shoving swords through this one guy's body who was famous for it.

01:46:07.000 So it would take like a long thin sword and they'd shove it through his chest and come out the other end.

01:46:13.000 And he'd just be standing there with his sword through him.

01:46:16.000 Yeah, so here's me.

01:46:17.000 Did you see this?

01:46:19.000 No.

01:46:19.000 So here's me shoving...

01:46:20.000 Heard about it.

01:46:21.000 What?

01:46:22.000 Yeah, he's like showing me how to do it.

01:46:25.000 The...

01:46:25.000 Push it through here.

01:46:26.000 Yeah, just shove it through.

01:46:27.000 No.

01:46:28.000 Yeah, poked it right through.

01:46:29.000 100% real.

01:46:30.000 But again...

01:46:32.000 That's not the best one for me.

01:46:35.000 Because if you're a person who doesn't necessarily see a lot of pain or you haven't used to surgery or someone getting...

01:46:47.000 If you did that to a doctor, the doctor would be like, okay, I see what you're doing.

01:46:51.000 Just pushing something through the muscle and it probably hurts, right?

01:46:56.000 It's not a good joke or a trick.

01:46:58.000 It's not an illusion.

01:47:00.000 You're just doing something that hurts.

01:47:02.000 Like, okay.

01:47:02.000 Like, Steve-O could do that.

01:47:04.000 Steve-O's probably done that a hundred times.

01:47:05.000 He does things like that.

01:47:06.000 Yeah. 0.70

01:47:07.000 Didn't he go to clown college or something like that, I think? 1.00

01:47:10.000 Steve-O climbed in a fucking tree and had lions come chasing after him. 1.00

01:47:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:14.000 He's the best. 1.00

01:47:15.000 Yeah, he does a lot of shit that hurts. 1.00

01:47:17.000 He did the frog thing, too, though. 1.00

01:47:18.000 That was a different thing.

01:47:20.000 He swallowed a frog. 0.69

01:47:21.000 He swallowed a shitload of water. 0.70

01:47:23.000 So during the podcast, he probably drank 15 bottles of water or something crazy. 0.95

01:47:33.000 And then he swallowed this frog.

01:47:34.000 And then the frog is in his stomach with all the water that he swallowed.

01:47:38.000 And then he spit up the water slowly but surely in a bucket.

01:47:42.000 We had an ice bucket on the table.

01:47:43.000 And then he eventually got to the point where he felt the frog coming up and he spit the frog out into my hand.

01:47:51.000 Okay.

01:47:52.000 Good lord.

01:47:53.000 Yeah.

01:47:54.000 I mean, he knows how to do it.

01:47:57.000 Man.

01:47:58.000 That's the difference between David Blaine and Steve-O. Steve-O eats the frog.

01:48:01.000 You're watching it come out of a different hole.

01:48:03.000 The frog comes out of my nose!

01:48:05.000 Here it comes. 0.99

01:48:05.000 Put the plunger to my butthole. 0.99

01:48:09.000 That stuff holds up, man. 0.98

01:48:11.000 Those movies, nothing makes me laugh like those movies.

01:48:14.000 I swear to God. 0.92

01:48:15.000 Jackass? 0.99

01:48:15.000 Yep. 0.99

01:48:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:48:16.000 Nothing. 0.98

01:48:16.000 Those guys are crazy. 0.98

01:48:17.000 I could watch it over and over and over again.

01:48:20.000 What's amazing is that Steve-O walks around like he's fine.

01:48:23.000 It doesn't seem that hurt.

01:48:24.000 I mean, one time, real recently, he had a bunch of skin grafts.

01:48:28.000 Remember, he got real badly burnt?

01:48:30.000 Yeah.

01:48:30.000 One of the things he was doing.

01:48:31.000 Oh, yeah, because he put together this new special.

01:48:33.000 I actually...

01:48:34.000 He had me come over to...

01:48:36.000 To watch it.

01:48:37.000 And I'm telling you, it is so freaking good.

01:48:41.000 He saved a lot of his favorite things that he wrote himself for this.

01:48:45.000 Did you ever see the one where Tim Kennedy choked him unconscious on stage?

01:48:50.000 Is that this one?

01:48:51.000 This new thing?

01:48:52.000 No, this one's a while ago. 0.98

01:48:54.000 But my friend Tim Kennedy, who was a top-notch middleweight in the UFC, put the fucking choke to him, choked him completely unconscious, and let him go. 0.98

01:49:03.000 And he falls and bounces his head off the ground. 0.98

01:49:05.000 It's like, ooh.

01:49:07.000 This most recent one?

01:49:08.000 Oh, this is the one he taped himself?

01:49:10.000 Oh, he's so funny.

01:49:12.000 He does my favorite thing I've ever seen on this one where he pretends like he's a bicyclist.

01:49:18.000 You know how bicyclists wear those goofy outfits? 1.00

01:49:21.000 Is that his dick? 1.00

01:49:22.000 Yeah, so he just painted himself like he's... 1.00

01:49:26.000 Meanwhile, his dick's hanging out? 1.00

01:49:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:28.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:49:28.000 And all these people, he always falls next to somebody and they're just about to help him and then they see that his dick and balls are just painted black. 1.00

01:49:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:37.000 Doesn't really have a bike. 0.99

01:49:38.000 Look at this! 1.00

01:49:39.000 Oh my god, Johnny Knoxville just kicked him right in the balls and dick. 1.00

01:49:43.000 That's pieces of his skin. 1.00

01:49:46.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:49:48.000 Yeah.

01:49:49.000 Giant boils.

01:49:50.000 At one point, I think he does a shot of it.

01:49:51.000 Does a shot glass of one of his infected burn pouches.

01:49:57.000 Yeah, that's not good.

01:49:59.000 It's very funny, though.

01:50:00.000 It's a weird way to make a living, though, right?

01:50:02.000 Because after a while...

01:50:05.000 Realize, you know, you're going to go Houdini eventually.

01:50:08.000 Someone's going to hit you with something. 0.84

01:50:10.000 You're going to die. 0.94

01:50:11.000 Something's going to go wrong.

01:50:13.000 But maybe not, because he's been doing it.

01:50:14.000 How old is Steve-O? 45?

01:50:17.000 Probably, yeah.

01:50:18.000 45?

01:50:19.000 46. He's been doing it a long-ass time.

01:50:23.000 Yeah.

01:50:24.000 I think he was going to let Chuck Liddell punch him.

01:50:27.000 That's not a good idea.

01:50:28.000 I think that was one of the things he was doing.

01:50:31.000 Something was going to happen.

01:50:32.000 Johnny Knoxville got knocked out by Butterbean.

01:50:35.000 Oh.

01:50:36.000 It was an enormous man.

01:50:38.000 Yeah.

01:50:38.000 And he let him knock him out.

01:50:40.000 He had a boxing match with Butterbean, which means you're going to let Butterbean knock you out.

01:50:44.000 Right.

01:50:45.000 Because you're not going to win.

01:50:46.000 Probably gave Butterbean a little bit of a thicker boxing glove on that one. 1.00

01:50:50.000 Right?

01:50:51.000 No.

01:50:52.000 No?

01:50:52.000 No!

01:50:53.000 No, it was a regular glove.

01:50:55.000 Looked like a nice regular 10-ounce glove.

01:50:57.000 Sent him into the DMT dimension.

01:51:00.000 Scary.

01:51:02.000 It's a regular glove, right?

01:51:04.000 I don't think it's even a sparring glove.

01:51:06.000 I don't think it's a 16-ounce or an 18-ounce glove.

01:51:08.000 I think it's a legit 10-ounce heavyweight boxing glove.

01:51:14.000 Butterbean, who is this?

01:51:15.000 The early days of Jackass.

01:51:16.000 What's that?

01:51:17.000 It's the early days of Jackass when they were doing all sorts of shows on MTV still.

01:51:20.000 Not even just their movies.

01:51:22.000 Oh, this is different.

01:51:23.000 He fought him in a ring, too.

01:51:24.000 This is him fighting him in a store.

01:51:26.000 He hits his head on a display, I think. 0.99

01:51:28.000 Look, he beats the shit out of him. 0.99

01:51:31.000 That's legit. 0.99

01:51:32.000 He just beat him down. 1.00

01:51:33.000 And this lady's like, what in the fuck? 1.00

01:51:35.000 Look at these people. 0.99

01:51:36.000 Like, but this is legit.

01:51:38.000 Like, he's not, like, faking it.

01:51:40.000 So, this means that Johnny Knoxville got knocked out by Butterbean more than once.

01:51:45.000 Because those, actually, those look like 16-ounce gloves, I'm going to be honest.

01:51:48.000 Those are bad gloves that Johnny has on.

01:51:50.000 Because they have Velcro on them.

01:51:53.000 Oh, he's letting them hit them.

01:51:54.000 He let them have a couple.

01:51:55.000 Oh, but Johnny does not have a punch.

01:51:56.000 That's not fair.

01:51:57.000 And then he KOs them.

01:51:59.000 Yikes.

01:52:00.000 Terrible.

01:52:01.000 But there was also one, maybe it was Steve-O. Someone boxed him in a ring.

01:52:05.000 See if it's Steve-O. You know what you might be thinking about?

01:52:07.000 You might be thinking about the Tough Enough Pro Wrestling Tournament. 0.87

01:52:12.000 No, I'm thinking about, for sure, Jackass.

01:52:15.000 Where someone boxed Butterbean in a ring.

01:52:20.000 It was an actual ring.

01:52:21.000 I think that was all they did with him.

01:52:23.000 It might have been something else.

01:52:24.000 I'm pretty sure someone boxed him in a ring.

01:52:26.000 See, that's why it's...

01:52:28.000 WrestleMania?

01:52:29.000 Yeah, but it's not that.

01:52:30.000 See Butterbean KO's...

01:52:32.000 Butterbean KO's Steve-O. I just have Jackass and Butterbean.

01:52:36.000 Yeah, but just take off Jackass. 0.92

01:52:38.000 Just Butterbean knocks out Steve-O. One of the guys fought...

01:52:45.000 So is it only in the store?

01:52:48.000 What's that one?

01:52:48.000 Keep going now.

01:52:50.000 The one right below Eric...

01:52:51.000 Yeah, that one right there.

01:52:53.000 That's the...

01:52:53.000 No, no, right below that.

01:52:55.000 Sorry.

01:52:55.000 The same one we just watched.

01:52:56.000 Is that the same thing?

01:52:56.000 It's all Giant Knoxville.

01:52:57.000 But there's one in a ring.

01:52:59.000 Maybe it's like a false memory.

01:53:02.000 So, the WWE once did this thing. 0.99

01:53:04.000 They had a horrible idea.

01:53:06.000 It's famously one of their worst ideas ever.

01:53:08.000 I think it was called the Tough Enough Tournament.

01:53:10.000 And Vince's big idea, because UFC was just gaining popularity, was to have...

01:53:16.000 He took, like, 16 of his least favorite pro wrestlers that were, like, cutting, you know, on, like, the...

01:53:24.000 He quickly could be fired.

01:53:26.000 Yeah.

01:53:27.000 And he decided to make this tournament called the Tough Enough Tournament.

01:53:31.000 And what he didn't realize is that some people were just better fighters than others.

01:53:35.000 And the guy that ended up winning it all, he didn't expect to win it.

01:53:40.000 So then he put him up against Butterbean at WrestleMania.

01:53:43.000 And Butterbean absolutely demolishes him.

01:53:47.000 Oh yeah, here it is.

01:53:49.000 It's really sad.

01:53:52.000 So famously, they hyped this guy up.

01:53:57.000 Oh, the right hand is wide open.

01:53:59.000 See how low his left hand is?

01:54:01.000 That's so crazy.

01:54:03.000 That's so crazy.

01:54:04.000 You can't do that.

01:54:05.000 And he's going to get up because he's tough.

01:54:07.000 It ruined this guy's career.

01:54:09.000 Because now he's been beaten by a boxer in a pro wrestling ring, so it was over.

01:54:13.000 Well, not only that, he got beaten, like, legitimately.

01:54:16.000 I don't think he got up from that.

01:54:19.000 Oh, I guess he did.

01:54:20.000 Yeah, he does.

01:54:21.000 Immediately.

01:54:22.000 Yeah, they dust him off.

01:54:23.000 Look, he still got his left hand low.

01:54:25.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:54:25.000 Oh, my God, that is so bad.

01:54:27.000 That's so bad.

01:54:28.000 That's such a bad KO. Go back to that again.

01:54:32.000 So, that guy, that fight's over.

01:54:34.000 Look.

01:54:35.000 Oh, my God.

01:54:37.000 That's horrendous.

01:54:38.000 That's horrendous.

01:54:42.000 Yeah.

01:54:43.000 That's bad.

01:54:46.000 God, I have this false memory of Butterbean fighting Johnny Knoxville in a ring.

01:54:52.000 Yeah, I typed in a few things.

01:54:53.000 I was looking for any other celebrity or something that did, maybe.

01:54:57.000 Maybe it's not Steve-O? K.O. by Butterbean?

01:55:02.000 Either way. 1.00

01:55:04.000 Butterbean was a fucking tank of a human. 1.00

01:55:06.000 He was a weird guy because he was like the king of the three-rounders. 1.00

01:55:09.000 Or was it five-rounders?

01:55:10.000 Would they make him fight?

01:55:11.000 But he didn't really have the endurance to go 12, so he would go short distances, but he was so big.

01:55:18.000 Butterbean versus Conor McGregor, who wins?

01:55:20.000 Butterbean.

01:55:21.000 Three rounds?

01:55:22.000 Butterbean.

01:55:22.000 Conor gets to go crazy.

01:55:23.000 Butterbean.

01:55:24.000 King of the four-rounders, they called him.

01:55:25.000 Yeah, Butterbean.

01:55:27.000 Dude, he hits him once.

01:55:28.000 It's a weird number to land on, right?

01:55:30.000 That means he's really tired by round five.

01:55:32.000 He's so big, you're not going to KO him.

01:55:35.000 He doesn't have a neck.

01:55:36.000 His head starts at the top.

01:55:38.000 His neck starts here.

01:55:39.000 It goes straight out.

01:55:41.000 A lot of getting KO'd is you get twisted.

01:55:44.000 Right.

01:55:45.000 Your head washes around. 0.98

01:55:47.000 Your brain washes around inside your head. 1.00

01:55:48.000 Dude, I had a crazy dream. 1.00

01:55:50.000 And now I'm remembering it.

01:55:51.000 That a friend of mine was telling me that he's got an opening between his skull and his brain.

01:55:56.000 He has to close.

01:55:57.000 And I was like, what are you talking about?

01:55:58.000 And he, like, lifted his skull up.

01:56:00.000 And I was, like, looking into his brain.

01:56:02.000 And there was all this space.

01:56:03.000 It was, like, his brain and then all this space and then the skull on the outside.

01:56:08.000 And I was like, whoa, you got to get that fixed.

01:56:11.000 What a crazy dream.

01:56:12.000 That is freaky.

01:56:13.000 I had one the other day, so it reminds me of that, where one of the guys that works at the comedy store was coughing hysterically, and he was coughing, and blood started shooting out of his neck and then out of his ear, and each cough just...

01:56:26.000 You know what that is?

01:56:27.000 What?

01:56:27.000 That's the comedy store dying in your head, realizing that it can only sustain itself for so long the way things are going.

01:56:35.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

01:56:37.000 We'll see.

01:56:38.000 Yeah.

01:56:39.000 Crazy times, man.

01:56:41.000 I think everybody has to move to Texas.

01:56:44.000 It's the only way to keep comedy alive.

01:56:46.000 They're going to keep LA on lockdown for a long time, man.

01:56:49.000 Definitely seems that way.

01:56:50.000 Some news hit today just a little bit ago while we've been on.

01:56:53.000 Joe Biden's found the cure for cancer.

01:56:54.000 No, not like that.

01:56:55.000 But Billboard posted something that is for Ticketmaster for Tickets about getting tested and having it linked to an app.

01:57:02.000 Yeah.

01:57:02.000 John Joseph sent me this.

01:57:03.000 Yeah.

01:57:04.000 Yeah, that also...

01:57:05.000 Vaccines.

01:57:07.000 They're going to have it connected to vaccines.

01:57:10.000 Ticketmaster.

01:57:11.000 I saw Ticketmaster.

01:57:12.000 To get into a Live Nation venue or something.

01:57:14.000 Yeah.

01:57:14.000 So if you're going to come to a show...

01:57:16.000 Listen...

01:57:20.000 This is very controversial, right?

01:57:21.000 I'm all for testing.

01:57:23.000 If you can test the day of and then get in.

01:57:26.000 Like, there's rapid tests, like we did rapid tests today.

01:57:28.000 You do a 15 minute test.

01:57:31.000 The problem with the vaccine is, right now, like the Pfizer vaccine, if you read into it, 90% are effective.

01:57:39.000 It's really good.

01:57:40.000 But the people that do it, they get horrific headaches and real bad hangovers.

01:57:45.000 And what they're experiencing sounds a lot worse than what Jamie experienced having actual COVID. Tell me what it was like having actual COVID. I've said it a few times.

01:57:58.000 I thought I was getting a sinus infection.

01:58:00.000 That's what it felt like was coming.

01:58:02.000 I've had one before.

01:58:03.000 It's like, okay, I know it's about to happen.

01:58:04.000 I'm about to maybe have two or three days of...

01:58:07.000 Nose, pain, whatever, head pain.

01:58:10.000 It never actually came.

01:58:11.000 So that's why I was like, maybe it's still coming, or it's like, just never got that bad.

01:58:16.000 How many days was it like that?

01:58:18.000 One, really.

01:58:19.000 And I never even felt like worse than maybe 60-70% of normal life.

01:58:23.000 I was like, I just kind of, I'm starting to feel funky, whatever.

01:58:27.000 Maybe tomorrow will be worse.

01:58:29.000 And it was, like, not worse.

01:58:30.000 It was not really much better, but it wasn't worse.

01:58:33.000 And then even as the days went by, though, a little better.

01:58:36.000 And that's when I came in, I was like, I think I'm fine.

01:58:39.000 I felt bad a couple days ago, but not now.

01:58:41.000 Yeah, you didn't think you had it.

01:58:43.000 You thought you had hay fever or something.

01:58:44.000 Right, yeah, that's what I thought.

01:58:45.000 Because I was looking online, ragweed was real bad here.

01:58:48.000 They said even, like, don't go outside if you have ragweed allergies.

01:58:51.000 It's, like, very, very bad.

01:58:52.000 Just stay inside today.

01:58:53.000 Yeah, people get weird allergies.

01:58:55.000 There are weird allergies out here.

01:58:57.000 There's a cedar allergy around here, but it's not really cedar.

01:59:03.000 Pollen?

01:59:04.000 No, it's a kind of plant.

01:59:07.000 It's a tree.

01:59:08.000 It's a type of tree.

01:59:10.000 It's not really cedar. 0.98

01:59:12.000 It's like juniper or some shit. 0.93

01:59:13.000 They call it cedar fever. 0.94

01:59:15.000 What is it actually?

01:59:16.000 I'm looking.

01:59:16.000 I think it's juniper.

01:59:18.000 There's something that gets you, for whatever reason they call it cedar allergies, but it's not really cedar.

01:59:27.000 But apparently, for a lot of folks out here, they don't get it the first year.

01:59:32.000 They don't get it the second year.

01:59:33.000 They get it like the third year.

01:59:35.000 Yikes.

01:59:35.000 I was like, what?

01:59:36.000 Yeah, it says that symptoms for the cedar fever include fatigue, headache, facial discomfort, a sore throat, partial loss of smell, and a feeling of having plugged ears. 0.99

01:59:44.000 And what is the actual plant that gives you that shit? 0.99

01:59:49.000 Mountain cedars is what this says. 1.00

01:59:51.000 Hmm.

01:59:51.000 Cedar fever is an allergic reaction to pollen from mountain cedars, according to Texas at Med Clinic.

01:59:55.000 Oh.

01:59:56.000 Hmm.

01:59:57.000 So it could be a different...

01:59:57.000 Why don't you Google cedar fever is actually from blank.

02:00:04.000 Because someone was telling me that it's a different plant.

02:00:07.000 I was like, why do they call it cedar fever then?

02:00:09.000 He's like, oh.

02:00:11.000 But anyway...

02:00:13.000 Ah, there you go.

02:00:13.000 Blame it.

02:00:15.000 Blame it on, this is a joke, but it says blame it on the patriarchy.

02:00:18.000 The patriarchy?

02:00:19.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:00:20.000 Is that how you say patriarchy?

02:00:21.000 It's only male plants. 1.00

02:00:21.000 Jamie's so addicted to bullshit, he doesn't even say patriarchy. 1.00

02:00:25.000 That's what the thing says. 1.00

02:00:26.000 Look, it says patriarchy.

02:00:27.000 It's like, they're trying to make it funny.

02:00:29.000 Ah, patriarchy.

02:00:32.000 Um, yeah.

02:00:34.000 What is the actual plant, though?

02:00:36.000 Are they saying cedars as well? 1.00

02:00:38.000 Maybe the guy who told me it was different and it's full of shit. 1.00

02:00:41.000 Maybe he's one of those guys who likes to know things, but he doesn't believe in Google. 1.00

02:00:46.000 Snopes only.

02:00:49.000 That's weird, man. 1.00

02:00:50.000 Those fucking bullshit artists used to be a thing, you know? 1.00

02:00:54.000 Guys would just tell you stuff, and you're like, really? 1.00

02:00:57.000 Yeah, man.

02:00:57.000 Well, when JFK was killed, they immediately went underground.

02:01:04.000 What do you think would have happened if the JFK... I don't know.

02:01:07.000 This is a weird question.

02:01:08.000 You can't say today or if the internet existed then, but...

02:01:12.000 What do you think would have been different about that if that had happened during an information age like this?

02:01:18.000 Or would it not have happened?

02:01:19.000 The murder?

02:01:20.000 Yeah.

02:01:21.000 See Jeffrey Epstein.

02:01:23.000 Here's the thing about murders today.

02:01:26.000 It is equally horrific as murders in 1963, but there's also more information coming at you.

02:01:32.000 It never ends.

02:01:33.000 It never ends.

02:01:34.000 It's like voting controversy, Antifa takes over Seattle.

02:01:41.000 You just constantly get inundated with information to the point where you forget about what you were mad at two days ago.

02:01:49.000 That's part of the problem with today.

02:01:51.000 You get an information overload.

02:01:53.000 Like I was telling you, I don't remember having this conversation with someone on a podcast that I just saw a clip of.

02:01:58.000 I'm like, oh yeah, I fucking completely forgot about that guy.

02:02:03.000 That is like, if I had a really interesting conversation, if it was rare for me to have an interesting conversation with people, if I worked in a factory, and very rarely I get to sit down and have a cup of coffee with some scientist who tells me some really cool shit, I would be telling everybody about that story. 0.98

02:02:19.000 I'd be like, dude, I had this conversation three hours, just me and this scientist, and he was telling me all kinds of crazy shit.

02:02:25.000 I would remember all of it. 0.98

02:02:27.000 But I see too many.

02:02:29.000 I have too many of those stories.

02:02:31.000 And they just get lost in my head.

02:02:33.000 I think that's how we are with everything today. 0.99

02:02:36.000 That's why no one gives a fuck who killed Jeffrey Epstein. 0.97

02:02:39.000 If you had a national... 0.99

02:02:42.000 If there was a clock or a chart, rather...

02:02:46.000 That showed national interest in the Jeffrey Epstein murder.

02:02:49.000 It was like 20% and now it's like 000.1. 0.99

02:02:54.000 Nobody gives a fuck. 0.98

02:02:57.000 Google Jeffrey Epstein murder on Twitter. 0.99

02:02:59.000 You know, like three crazy people that also are into QAnon and they're bringing up the Epstein thing.

02:03:06.000 Someone found the records.

02:03:07.000 Remember?

02:03:08.000 The records from the flight logs are out. 1.00

02:03:10.000 Everyone's fucked. 1.00

02:03:11.000 They're all going to jail. 1.00

02:03:14.000 Came and went.

02:03:15.000 Nobody cares.

02:03:16.000 Bill Gates went.

02:03:17.000 Did you hear Bill Gates went?

02:03:20.000 Came and went.

02:03:21.000 Nobody cares.

02:03:22.000 Nobody cares.

02:03:23.000 Right?

02:03:24.000 Google Trend.

02:03:24.000 Popular in the summer when that stuff came out and now back down to...

02:03:27.000 Down to nothing.

02:03:28.000 Wow.

02:03:29.000 That's how we are.

02:03:31.000 That's...

02:03:31.000 I mean, they probably anticipated that when they killed him.

02:03:36.000 Yep.

02:03:36.000 You know?

02:03:37.000 There's so much news.

02:03:38.000 Yep.

02:03:39.000 Yeah, they probably just figured we can get away with this.

02:03:43.000 And they kind of can.

02:03:44.000 And if things get more and more chaotic, which they appear to be doing, it's going to get worse with that.

02:03:50.000 It's going to get even more strange.

02:03:53.000 It's going to get weirder.

02:03:55.000 Where do you think it all goes?

02:03:56.000 Where does this crazy never-ending news cycle...

02:03:59.000 Mexico starts being more safe to the United States.

02:04:01.000 People start moving to Mexico.

02:04:03.000 United States gets more and more crazy.

02:04:05.000 Or you go to Canada, but Canada doesn't let us in.

02:04:07.000 It's too cold there.

02:04:08.000 Well, it's not even that.

02:04:10.000 They don't want us.

02:04:11.000 Well, great.

02:04:12.000 I'm glad they don't want us.

02:04:13.000 We become Mexico.

02:04:14.000 Canada becomes the United States.

02:04:18.000 It's not too cold there.

02:04:20.000 It is.

02:04:20.000 You and I have been there.

02:04:21.000 I know, but we go...

02:04:22.000 Yeah, we go straight into a car and straight to a hotel and straight to the venue and straight to a restaurant and then back home.

02:04:30.000 Remember, we talked about this on the show when that story leaked about...

02:04:34.000 It was like a hot mic.

02:04:36.000 ABC News producer got...

02:04:39.000 The Epstein thing?

02:04:40.000 Yeah.

02:04:41.000 NBC. Wasn't it?

02:04:42.000 No, this was ABC. A different one?

02:04:43.000 She's suing ABC for $10 million.

02:04:45.000 Was I wrong?

02:04:47.000 Is it NBC or ABC? This is ABC. Let me see the lady. 1.00

02:04:49.000 Oh, ex-ABC news staffer sues Disney-owned network over leaked Jeffrey Epstein tape.

02:04:57.000 Ashley...

02:04:57.000 Oh, it is ABC. Seeking $10 million.

02:05:00.000 Yeah, okay, I was wrong then.

02:05:02.000 According to the New York...

02:05:03.000 I thought it was NBC. This is the tape.

02:05:05.000 They're like, I can't believe they wouldn't put it out.

02:05:07.000 Is that her?

02:05:09.000 No, I don't know.

02:05:10.000 Oh, it's a different one.

02:05:11.000 This is not the reporter.

02:05:12.000 This is the girl who found the tape.

02:05:14.000 Right.

02:05:14.000 The reporter was the girl who was saying, I broke that story.

02:05:17.000 I knew that story, but then they buried it.

02:05:20.000 The girl got fired for leaking it or something like that, I think. 0.98

02:05:23.000 Oh, that girl got fired for leaking the tape. 1.00

02:05:25.000 Oh, good for her. 0.96

02:05:27.000 Good for her.

02:05:27.000 I hope someone hires her.

02:05:30.000 Remember, I think she was doing what they were supposed to do, like labeling things with certain whatever, and then they were like, how did this leak?

02:05:37.000 She said she didn't do it.

02:05:40.000 So she did.

02:05:41.000 Good.

02:05:41.000 She should.

02:05:42.000 That's a crazy thing to hide.

02:05:44.000 Here's the tape that you probably, the video you're remembering.

02:05:46.000 That's it.

02:05:47.000 That's her. 0.88

02:05:48.000 Yep.

02:05:50.000 Yeah.

02:05:51.000 Good.

02:05:53.000 Whatever happened to that lady? 1.00

02:05:54.000 The lady who leaked it? 1.00

02:05:55.000 See, the real worry is that they would blackball someone like that and keep them from working again. 0.97

02:06:01.000 Someone needs to come up with a legit network online.

02:06:04.000 Like a legit news network.

02:06:07.000 Of like really trusted news people.

02:06:11.000 And just give them total autonomy.

02:06:15.000 Never restrict them.

02:06:17.000 And then give them a security detail.

02:06:19.000 Everywhere they go.

02:06:21.000 It's expensive. 1.00

02:06:21.000 Fuck yeah it is. 1.00

02:06:23.000 But if you think about how much money they make. 1.00

02:06:25.000 Like Fox News and...

02:06:27.000 If they want to go seek a store, you've got to fly to somewhere, stay in a hotel for weeks, weeks, weeks, pay money to get information.

02:06:36.000 No doubt.

02:06:37.000 It's not cheap.

02:06:38.000 Look at what's happening right now with Fox News.

02:06:41.000 People are abandoning Fox News.

02:06:44.000 Because they think that Fox News is turning on conservatives because there was people in the Trump campaign that were talking about the election results, the election results being fraudulent and all these different things.

02:06:59.000 And so Fox News said these are unfounded accusations, so they cut away from this guy explaining this, and the conservatives are freaking out.

02:07:09.000 Right.

02:07:10.000 Because what Fox News is trying to say is like, hey, you guys, this is not true, according to them.

02:07:17.000 Or it's at least not accurate.

02:07:20.000 Like the amount of voter fraud is not accurate.

02:07:23.000 Or maybe it's not enough to sway the election one way or another.

02:07:26.000 It hasn't been proven.

02:07:27.000 So when someone says it, they, for whatever reason, decide that they're going to stop voting.

02:07:33.000 That person saying it from broadcasting it on the air.

02:07:36.000 It's an interesting choice.

02:07:37.000 Because on one hand, I see their point.

02:07:40.000 If it's not true, you really shouldn't put it on the air.

02:07:43.000 But on the other hand, it's like the president's people are saying this, so it makes it news.

02:07:49.000 Even if it's not accurate, I think you're supposed to let it air and then say, this is what's wrong with what he said as far as what we know right now.

02:08:01.000 But it's a tough call. 0.98

02:08:03.000 Like, if you're the head of Fox and someone starts coming out on the air and saying some shit that you think is fake, what do you do? 0.99

02:08:10.000 What do you do? 0.98

02:08:11.000 Especially if he's not really the president anymore.

02:08:14.000 If it seems like it's going to be Joe Biden in office, you've got to hedge your bets.

02:08:22.000 Because if you get into a situation where...

02:08:25.000 Imagine if...

02:08:27.000 And this is not outside of what's possible. 0.98

02:08:31.000 Imagine if, whether it's Biden or the next administration, whoever the fuck it is, gets into power and they say, we're going to make laws... 0.96

02:08:39.000 That punish people for spreading false propaganda. 0.98

02:08:45.000 Punish people who spread fake news.

02:08:47.000 We're going to make laws against it.

02:08:49.000 And we're going to decide what's fake and what's real.

02:08:51.000 And so then Fox News gets fined.

02:08:54.000 $100 million, $500 million.

02:08:56.000 They go blank.

02:08:59.000 They go dark for a week.

02:09:01.000 They have to stay off the air for a week. 1.00

02:09:03.000 Some crazy shit. 1.00

02:09:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:04.000 If they decide that they're enemies of the current administration, and the current administration gets the support of the people, because the support of the people, like, if most of the people are into the president, and they can, like, what if they have control of the House?

02:09:16.000 Or control the, you know...

02:09:17.000 They could do it.

02:09:18.000 Technically, they could do it.

02:09:19.000 You never know.

02:09:20.000 Not now.

02:09:21.000 Right now, I don't think they can do it, but it's not impossible.

02:09:25.000 If you think of the people that have been silenced from Twitter, right?

02:09:28.000 The people that have been kicked off of Twitter, people that have been kicked off of Facebook, New York Post.

02:09:33.000 New York Post got kicked off of Twitter for that Hunter Biden story.

02:09:36.000 That would have never, you never would have imagined that being possible just a few years ago.

02:09:42.000 Right.

02:09:42.000 But it's possible now.

02:09:43.000 So now we have a new sense of what's possible. 0.75

02:09:46.000 If you keep taking that further and further, you can see how Fox News would be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, kill that.

02:09:52.000 We got a business here.

02:09:54.000 Rupert Murdoch, he's alive, right?

02:09:58.000 Uh-uh.

02:09:59.000 Rupert Murdoch's not alive anymore?

02:10:01.000 No, the son's got it now.

02:10:03.000 Right?

02:10:03.000 He doesn't control it, but he's still alive.

02:10:06.000 Yeah, the other guy died.

02:10:08.000 Doesn't Rupert have a super hot wife? 0.96

02:10:10.000 I think he's got a super hot wife. 1.00

02:10:12.000 That would make sense. 0.91

02:10:14.000 I heard she's a real fox.

02:10:15.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:10:16.000 Come on! 0.61

02:10:18.000 Come on! 0.61

02:10:20.000 There's something about those purely transactional relationships.

02:10:26.000 Oh yeah.

02:10:28.000 What's the new one?

02:10:30.000 Mick Jagger's ex.

02:10:32.000 What?

02:10:32.000 Jerry Hall.

02:10:33.000 Jerry Hall.

02:10:33.000 What?

02:10:34.000 Come on, son.

02:10:35.000 For real?

02:10:36.000 Let me see a picture of her and him together.

02:10:38.000 Give me that one right there. 0.98

02:10:41.000 Whoa.

02:10:41.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:43.000 Damn. 1.00

02:10:43.000 She's just waiting. 1.00

02:10:45.000 She's waiting.

02:10:46.000 Well, maybe he's nice to her. 0.99

02:10:47.000 Wow, she was hot as fuck back when she was with Mick. 1.00

02:10:49.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

02:10:51.000 Wow.

02:10:52.000 Let me see that upper left picture that you just clicked on.

02:10:54.000 Upper left?

02:10:55.000 Oh.

02:10:55.000 No, upper left?

02:10:56.000 Yeah.

02:10:56.000 Look at that again.

02:10:57.000 Hmm.

02:10:58.000 Yeah.

02:10:58.000 Nice.

02:10:59.000 Just checking his pulse every day.

02:11:01.000 Maybe he's nice to her.

02:11:02.000 Just holding onto that wrist.

02:11:03.000 Maybe she loves him, Tony.

02:11:04.000 Maybe.

02:11:05.000 Look at that hot body he's got.

02:11:08.000 He does have a hot body.

02:11:10.000 If you're really into anatomy, you want to know where the skeletons are?

02:11:15.000 That's what I like in a man.

02:11:16.000 I want to know where all his joints are.

02:11:18.000 I don't want anything to be cloaked by meat.

02:11:20.000 There's his heart, very clearly.

02:11:22.000 I can see it beating through his weird, translucent ribcage.

02:11:32.000 How old do you think you're going to live to be?

02:11:36.000 I don't really think about it.

02:11:38.000 Honestly.

02:11:39.000 If nothing happened, if you were to go natural causes, because you're a very, very healthy guy, what would you guess?

02:11:46.000 If you were to go from old age, as healthy as you are, the life that you've had.

02:11:50.000 If I stay wealthy, I'm going to live a long time. 1.00

02:11:53.000 Unless I do something really stupid. 0.99

02:11:54.000 No, you're going to stay wealthy. 0.99

02:11:56.000 It's going to be interesting.

02:11:57.000 You'd have to do some pretty crazy stuff.

02:12:01.000 I mean, islands and islands, right?

02:12:04.000 Yeah, I'm not into buying things like that.

02:12:06.000 I think it's possible today to live to be 120. And I think what we're dealing with now, we're on the cusp of what's possible.

02:12:18.000 I don't want to say any names, but I was having a conversation the other day with a billionaire, a very wealthy man who believes he's going to live to be 200 years old.

02:12:26.000 Wow.

02:12:27.000 Yeah.

02:12:28.000 He was explaining to me all the different things that he does and where he thinks medicine and science is going to go.

02:12:35.000 Any simple advice?

02:12:37.000 Is there a secret out there?

02:12:38.000 Celery juice or something?

02:12:39.000 Don't do all the things you did in this podcast.

02:12:43.000 Don't drink whiskey and smoke cigars.

02:12:47.000 I think, for sure, exercise.

02:12:49.000 It seems to be the number one thing.

02:12:52.000 You have to keep your body moving.

02:12:53.000 You have to keep your blood flowing.

02:12:55.000 And you have to keep your body strong.

02:12:57.000 Keep your body vital.

02:12:58.000 There's a difference between working out and overtraining.

02:13:04.000 Overtraining seems bad for you.

02:13:06.000 I have a friend, he's 28, who caught the COVID, and he's in really good shape, but he caught it when he was working out really hard.

02:13:14.000 He was doing a fitness instructional, and he was training way, way, way too hard, really beating his body down.

02:13:21.000 And then he caught it, and he caught it pretty bad.

02:13:22.000 And he had it bad for a couple weeks.

02:13:24.000 He's young and healthy.

02:13:28.000 The thing about training, and this is the thing about guys training for fights, they get sick a lot.

02:13:33.000 It's because you're breaking your body down.

02:13:40.000 There's a fine line between training hard and overtraining.

02:13:44.000 It's a really fine line.

02:13:46.000 It's hard for people to find the exact spot to land in.

02:13:51.000 A lot of fighters overtrain.

02:13:54.000 Tim Kennedy, the guy we talked about earlier, he famously overtrained for his last fight with Kelvin Gastelum because he had a fight cancel.

02:14:03.000 He went through a full six-week training camp and then a fight canceled.

02:14:06.000 And then he got another fight come up in another six weeks or five weeks, I think.

02:14:09.000 And he went straight...

02:14:10.000 I'm not sure about the time, but he went straight into another full camp.

02:14:13.000 And then by the end of that camp, he was so tired.

02:14:16.000 He just never gave himself a...

02:14:18.000 Your body can't sustain peak performance levels for very long.

02:14:24.000 You can sustain a good level for a long time, but you've got to know when to peak and when to back off.

02:14:30.000 Really good fight trainers, they know when a fighter is too sharp.

02:14:35.000 They're like, you're peaking.

02:14:36.000 We're going to pull you back.

02:14:37.000 So they'll pull them back and they'll say, take a few days off.

02:14:40.000 They'll tell you.

02:14:41.000 Go watch TV. Go lounge in the pool.

02:14:44.000 Swim a little bit.

02:14:46.000 Just relax.

02:14:46.000 Go for a hike.

02:14:48.000 Chill the fuck out. 0.98

02:14:49.000 Let your body recover. 1.00

02:14:50.000 Let your body recover.

02:14:51.000 Let all that broken down tissue rebuild itself.

02:14:55.000 Let your body just rebound and then come back at it again, but do it slowly.

02:15:01.000 So the smart ones, they're monitoring heart rate, heart rate variability.

02:15:05.000 This thing that I wear, the WHOOP strap, that's what that's all about.

02:15:08.000 It's all about monitoring how well your body's recovered.

02:15:11.000 Like every morning when I check my app, I check my WHOOP app and it tells me how well I've recovered from the night before.

02:15:16.000 Whether or not I'm good to go for today or whether or not I should take an easy day.

02:15:22.000 It'll show you based on your heart rate variability.

02:15:25.000 But a lot of guys don't do it that way. 1.00

02:15:27.000 They just don't want to be a pussy. 1.00

02:15:28.000 They just want to keep pushing and keep pushing. 1.00

02:15:31.000 And you can break your body down doing that.

02:15:34.000 And that's when guys get sick.

02:15:35.000 And if you get sick when your body's already tired and compromised and then a virus gets in there and weakens you even further, you can get really sick.

02:15:43.000 I had pneumonia once for a tournament that I went to. 0.99

02:15:47.000 It was when I was training like a moron. 0.99

02:15:51.000 I never wore a heart rate monitor. 0.99

02:15:52.000 I wasn't even taking vitamins back then.

02:15:54.000 I was just eating whatever and training like a terrorist.

02:15:57.000 And then I came out here.

02:15:59.000 I came out to California.

02:16:01.000 I fought in this tournament in Anaheim.

02:16:03.000 I was 19, so it was like 1986. I fought in the Nationals in Anaheim, and I had pneumonia.

02:16:11.000 And I fought three times with pneumonia.

02:16:13.000 It was horrible. 0.98

02:16:14.000 And then the next day, I was so, so fucking beaten down. 0.95

02:16:19.000 I was so tired. 0.96

02:16:21.000 And I can't believe it.

02:16:22.000 I was like, how did I fight yesterday? 0.99

02:16:23.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

02:16:24.000 But that's also what happens when you take yourself past fitness and you don't want to be a pussy. 1.00

02:16:32.000 So you keep pushing, keep pushing. 1.00

02:16:33.000 But it's really dumb. 0.95

02:16:35.000 Like a smart athlete knows when to back off. 0.98

02:16:38.000 Like an experienced athlete knows their body really well and they know when to back off.

02:16:43.000 But the right way to do it is with heart rate monitors.

02:16:46.000 The right way to do it is like Steve Maxwell told me that a long time ago.

02:16:49.000 You should check your heart rate in the morning.

02:16:51.000 And if it's more than X amount of beats per minute over your standard resting heart rate, it means your body hasn't recovered yet.

02:16:57.000 So you should not work out that day.

02:16:59.000 And it's hard for people to do that.

02:17:01.000 Or if you do work out, you should work out really light.

02:17:03.000 Maybe do some positional drills that doesn't tax your body.

02:17:07.000 Do some things where you're framing and just go through everything in slow motion where you never really break yourself down.

02:17:14.000 But it's also sometimes people want to do too much too soon.

02:17:18.000 Like my friend Cam Haynes.

02:17:20.000 Cam Haynes, when he's training for ultramarathons, will run a marathon every day.

02:17:26.000 It's not fake.

02:17:27.000 I've seen him do it.

02:17:28.000 I know he does it.

02:17:29.000 He shows me his Under Armour app that he uses or tracks his distance every day.

02:17:37.000 It's bananas.

02:17:38.000 But he's done it because he's done that slowly but surely he's built up this base over decades of training hard.

02:17:47.000 We're good to go.

02:17:57.000 He's running marathons every day.

02:17:59.000 Because there's levels.

02:18:00.000 Like, you can build up.

02:18:02.000 So the athletes that stay in shape have a much better chance at getting through a training camp and not being overtrained.

02:18:10.000 But the athletes that take a lot of time off and party, those are the ones that wind up a foul.

02:18:19.000 I think I'm going to pee my pants.

02:18:21.000 Oh, go pee. 1.00

02:18:22.000 Okay.

02:18:22.000 Jamie's gone too.

02:18:23.000 You're going to pee with Jamie.

02:18:25.000 This is the first time ever that I've been left alone on a podcast, ladies and gentlemen.

02:18:30.000 And I already talked too much.

02:18:31.000 So now what to do?

02:18:35.000 I think that all of us are real nervous right now.

02:18:40.000 I think this is an unprecedented time in history where everyone is wondering what's going to happen next.

02:18:47.000 Everyone is wondering.

02:18:49.000 And it's so easy to say that we need to be more empathetic and we need to be more nice to each other.

02:18:55.000 But I really do think that that is something that we need to concentrate on.

02:19:00.000 This idea that people are making lists of people that voted for Trump and supported Trump and that they're going to put them on these lists and they're going to send these lists out to potential employers.

02:19:15.000 You've got to give people the opportunity to make mistakes, and you've got to give people the opportunity to grow, and you've got to give people the opportunity to have a different opinion than yours.

02:19:26.000 And just to say that if you support that guy, you support this or that or whatever horrible thing it is, whether you think it's racism or fascism or whatever ism it is.

02:19:38.000 I really think now more than ever is a time to come together as a country and to realize this is not healthy for anybody, to divide ourselves into these two groups.

02:19:50.000 And the more we push against, especially the people that won, the people in the Biden camp are now like, now we're going to make, even AOC wrote that, we're going to make a list of all the sycophants and supporters of Trump.

02:20:03.000 I don't think that's the right way to do it.

02:20:06.000 I think historically, blacklists and lists of people that are forbidden from working or forbidden from being considered a part of accepted culture, it's very dangerous.

02:20:21.000 People are malleable and people, they make mistakes, they fall into groups of people that have different opinions.

02:20:29.000 We just got to be...

02:20:30.000 Legitimately got to be nicer to each other.

02:20:33.000 That's what I think.

02:20:35.000 And it sounds so cliche that we have to be nicer to each other. 0.99

02:20:38.000 But that's what this country fucking needs. 0.97

02:20:40.000 We need to realize, like, yeah... 1.00

02:20:42.000 Yeah, it's fucked up. 1.00

02:20:43.000 Yeah, we're in a fucked up place. 0.99

02:20:44.000 Yeah, it's fucked up that people are rioting in the streets, and it's fucked up that there's police brutality, and it's fucked up that there's COVID, and it's fucked up that people are losing their jobs. 0.99

02:20:52.000 But the only thing we have together, if we really truly are a community, is to treat each other like we're a community. 0.97

02:21:00.000 You know, you could be...

02:21:02.000 Like, I imagine a world where there's a Republican and a Democrat living right next door to each other, and they joke around, and they laugh about stuff, and they talk to each other, and they have different opinions.

02:21:17.000 What?

02:21:18.000 Snopes?

02:21:19.000 No, I need like a five-minute...

02:21:20.000 I need to...

02:21:23.000 I can't just still sit here for a little bit.

02:21:24.000 I need to go to the bathroom.

02:21:25.000 Oh, okay.

02:21:26.000 I can let it run.

02:21:26.000 I thought you went.

02:21:27.000 I did.

02:21:28.000 You came back when you saw?

02:21:29.000 Oh, go back.

02:21:30.000 And I'm like, I gotta...

02:21:31.000 You don't have to tell us.

02:21:32.000 Alright, I didn't know if you wanted to stop.

02:21:34.000 Go or what?

02:21:35.000 I'll be back in the conference.

02:21:37.000 What's happening? 0.99

02:21:38.000 Jamie just, he cut his pee short and now his balls are aching. 1.00

02:21:41.000 He's got a shit? 1.00

02:21:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:42.000 He cut a shit himself. 1.00

02:21:43.000 Wow. 1.00

02:21:43.000 Yeah, I really had to pee and then I had reached maximum pee and then once I saw Jamie go, I'm like, Jamie's peeing. 1.00

02:21:51.000 And then I really started thinking about peeing and I simply couldn't take it anymore.

02:21:54.000 I understand.

02:21:55.000 People really, you know, they, I bet a lot of people towards the middle end of your podcast, you don't realize it because your body's, you know, superhuman or whatever.

02:22:04.000 But they have to pee a lot because people get extra hydrated to do your show.

02:22:09.000 And then they drink coffee.

02:22:10.000 And whiskey.

02:22:12.000 Yeah.

02:22:12.000 It makes you pee.

02:22:13.000 Yeah.

02:22:14.000 I don't know why I don't have to pee.

02:22:15.000 I don't have to pee at all.

02:22:16.000 It's weird.

02:22:17.000 Sometimes I do, though.

02:22:18.000 I've had podcasts where, particularly after yoga, because after yoga I drink a fuckload of water because I do that hot yoga, and I'll bring a 64-ounce hydro flask with me filled with ice and water.

02:22:31.000 I'll drink that whole thing during a yoga class.

02:22:32.000 Then afterwards it's wee!

02:22:34.000 Just pee-pee-pee-pee-pee.

02:22:36.000 Yeah.

02:22:36.000 Can't stop it.

02:22:38.000 Yeah, it happens, man.

02:22:39.000 Are you worried about the future, Tony?

02:22:41.000 Yeah, sure.

02:22:42.000 I mean, no more than I was two years ago.

02:22:45.000 Really?

02:22:46.000 Yeah.

02:22:46.000 It's no different?

02:22:47.000 It's just a different focus on it.

02:22:50.000 You know, it's different.

02:22:52.000 How so?

02:22:53.000 I'm just concerned about...

02:22:56.000 You know, here, let me do this.

02:22:59.000 Let's go back to what you were just talking about, about being nicer to one another in a unified front.

02:23:04.000 I had this thought the other day, which was...

02:23:08.000 I was thinking about America after 9-11, when we had a terrorist attack, and we had what appeared to be a clear enemy, and it brought us all together.

02:23:18.000 That's probably the closest we've all been together, right?

02:23:21.000 As a country.

02:23:22.000 Sure.

02:23:23.000 How old were you?

02:23:27.000 Boy, I was in high school.

02:23:29.000 I was a sophomore in high school, so I don't know, 16?

02:23:32.000 15?

02:23:33.000 How old are you now?

02:23:35.000 36. Yeah, that makes sense.

02:23:36.000 Because I think I was 30. And I think I remember hearing about it going, holy shit. 0.99

02:23:44.000 I couldn't believe it. 0.98

02:23:46.000 I mean, I was 31. I couldn't believe it.

02:23:50.000 And then I remember thinking, wow, everyone's so unified.

02:23:53.000 All these people with American flags on their cars.

02:23:56.000 Do you remember that?

02:23:56.000 Yeah.

02:23:57.000 Super, super unified.

02:23:59.000 Do you remember Jay London?

02:24:00.000 Yeah.

02:24:01.000 Jay London used to sell those American flags you stick in your car.

02:24:04.000 Wow, really?

02:24:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:24:05.000 Jay and I... Is that pre-Last Comic Standing?

02:24:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:24:09.000 Wow.

02:24:10.000 Yeah, because Last Comic Standing was later in the 2000s, right?

02:24:14.000 Wasn't it?

02:24:14.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:24:15.000 2003 or 2004, he was on Last Comic Standing?

02:24:18.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

02:24:18.000 He had a moment in the sun there for a while.

02:24:21.000 Yeah.

02:24:22.000 But before that, he was essentially...

02:24:24.000 It was just like a street vendor.

02:24:27.000 He was selling these American flags.

02:24:29.000 Little ones that attach to your window.

02:24:33.000 Wow.

02:24:33.000 You roll up the window and the flag's blowing.

02:24:35.000 So one of my conspiracy theories, going back on that, to that 9-11 thing, is that one of the reasons why this country is sort of turning in on one another is because right now we don't have, for the first time in forever,

02:24:51.000 because we're pulling out troops of everywhere, We don't have an enemy, you know?

02:24:57.000 We don't have an actual targeted, let's unify to beat this opponent type of situation.

02:25:03.000 Instead, troops are coming home for the first time in forever from Afghanistan and this and that.

02:25:07.000 And we realize that we were fooled into getting into Iraq and all of this other stuff.

02:25:17.000 It's all becoming so clear.

02:25:18.000 And since we don't have an enemy, we're starting to...

02:25:22.000 There's a little bit of that for sure.

02:25:23.000 Yeah.

02:25:24.000 And then there's also COVID and the lockdown which exacerbated everything because so many people are stressed out and out of work.

02:25:30.000 There's some crazy number like 30% of the people in this country can't pay rent.

02:25:34.000 Right.

02:25:35.000 Yeah.

02:25:36.000 That's never happened before in our lifetime.

02:25:38.000 It's insane.

02:25:39.000 And how does that bounce back?

02:25:41.000 That's my point about Melrose.

02:25:43.000 Like in a big city, who's going to invest in going back into those places, you know?

02:25:49.000 When you see these closed down places, to bring them back up. 0.99

02:25:54.000 To imagine a time where you're going to drive down Melrose and all those stores are filled again and there's all hustle and bustle and traffic and people walking on the streets and not dangerous fucking gangsters everywhere. 0.97

02:26:06.000 Like it seems weird now, right? 0.98

02:26:08.000 Yeah.

02:26:09.000 Yeah.

02:26:09.000 And sometimes it picks up, you know, a nice warm Saturday afternoon.

02:26:14.000 It looks sort of the same out there.

02:26:17.000 Sort of?

02:26:18.000 Yeah.

02:26:19.000 30%?

02:26:19.000 I know, it's weird.

02:26:20.000 I'm trying to rationalize it in my head.

02:26:22.000 It's not the same.

02:26:23.000 It's not.

02:26:24.000 No.

02:26:24.000 I remember we did...

02:26:26.000 This thing for the Comedy Store where it was Whitney Cummings and Bill Burr and Paul Rodriguez and Annie Letterman and Jay Leno and me and we're on a roof with Mike Binder and it was the first time I've been in Hollywood in a long time and the first time I've been at the store in a long time and it was really emotional And it was sad.

02:26:48.000 And I was sitting there hanging out and you realize there's no one on Sunset.

02:26:53.000 No one.

02:26:53.000 And every now and then like Lamborghinis would go racing down Sunset.

02:26:58.000 Like flying.

02:26:59.000 Like you would hear like going 90 miles an hour plus down Sunset.

02:27:07.000 No cops.

02:27:08.000 I was like this is crazy.

02:27:11.000 Like this is so strange.

02:27:13.000 It's very surreal.

02:27:14.000 One of the last times I was at the comedy store, I got pulled over because my muffler was too loud.

02:27:22.000 The cop pulled you over?

02:27:24.000 The cop pulled me over.

02:27:25.000 So what's that like?

02:27:25.000 That just seems like a scene out of a comedy movie.

02:27:28.000 Cop walks up to you and then what?

02:27:30.000 Does he ask for the ID? No.

02:27:32.000 No.

02:27:32.000 He goes, I was pulling you over because your muffler's too loud.

02:27:36.000 I go, it's a factory muffler.

02:27:40.000 Right.

02:27:41.000 I have an M3 from 2005. It's a Dinan, and it comes with a Dinan muffler.

02:27:47.000 You know what an E46 is?

02:27:48.000 E46 M3? Not really.

02:27:50.000 No.

02:27:50.000 There's a sweet spot.

02:27:52.000 Do you know anything about BMWs?

02:27:53.000 You used to have a 5 Series?

02:27:56.000 Yeah.

02:27:56.000 Beautiful car.

02:27:57.000 Yeah.

02:27:57.000 Great car.

02:27:58.000 That year that you had was 2002, 2004, something like that.

02:28:03.000 Same year as the E46. A lot of people think it's the Goldilocks zone of BMWs because it's before BMW became this really cushy It's a luxury car and was more of a driver-focused car.

02:28:19.000 And the year that I have is 2005. I actually got it from a guy who contacted Jamie, who we were talking about E46s, and he's like, I got one that only has 15,000 original miles.

02:28:33.000 It's a silver E43. It's beautiful.

02:28:36.000 It's like a classic-looking car.

02:28:39.000 But it's not that loud. 1.00

02:28:41.000 This cop was just looking for shit to fuck with people by. 1.00

02:28:45.000 And if I was just some asshole or maybe a young black guy, I might be getting a ticket. 1.00

02:28:54.000 I might be in trouble. 1.00

02:28:55.000 Like, he just decided to pull me over for nothing.

02:28:57.000 I wasn't speeding at all.

02:28:59.000 I just took a right out of the Comedy Store parking lot and all of a sudden the lights were on.

02:29:03.000 Like, immediately.

02:29:05.000 I pulled over and he pulls over And I go, what did I do?

02:29:10.000 And he goes, seems like you got an aftermarket muffler in your car.

02:29:14.000 I go, hey man.

02:29:15.000 I go, how you doing?

02:29:16.000 And he goes, hey, what's up?

02:29:17.000 And I go, I don't have an aftermarket muffler.

02:29:19.000 I go, it's a dine-in.

02:29:20.000 This is the way it comes from the factory.

02:29:22.000 And he goes, well, it seemed pretty loud.

02:29:24.000 He goes, will you rev it for me?

02:29:25.000 I go, Okay.

02:29:27.000 So I give it a little voom, voom.

02:29:29.000 And he's like, yeah, that might be too loud.

02:29:31.000 You might want to get that checked.

02:29:32.000 I go, okay.

02:29:33.000 What do I do now?

02:29:34.000 And he's like, nothing.

02:29:35.000 You're all right.

02:29:36.000 I go, okay.

02:29:37.000 He goes, I'm not really trying to pull people over for this.

02:29:40.000 You know, we're looking for bad guys and drunk drivers.

02:29:42.000 I go, I understand.

02:29:43.000 It's okay.

02:29:44.000 And I'm like, all right.

02:29:46.000 That was a fame-privilege moment.

02:29:49.000 Right.

02:29:49.000 And a white-privilege moment.

02:29:51.000 I was driving away from that knowing, like, if I was just to...

02:29:55.000 A 25 year old kid, white, black, whatever.

02:29:58.000 I was probably getting a ticket for a loud muffler.

02:30:00.000 It wasn't even loud.

02:30:01.000 It was just a cop looking to fill.

02:30:03.000 He had like, you probably have like, this is controversial because some cops say it's not true.

02:30:12.000 And I've talked to cops to say it is true.

02:30:14.000 Like they have We're good to go.

02:30:30.000 Just, that was it.

02:30:31.000 There was no, I mean, I was, he was going left, I was going right, he did a U-turn, pulled me over.

02:30:36.000 It was instantaneous.

02:30:38.000 Yeah.

02:30:38.000 I got off on a warning recently.

02:30:40.000 The guy just lied to me.

02:30:42.000 He's like, I got you doing, what was it, 45 in a 35. We should point out that you drive a Corvette.

02:30:50.000 Yeah.

02:30:51.000 You probably were doing 45. Yeah, but I realized he didn't say 45. I knew I was doing 45 in a 35. He said I was doing like 49 or something like that, but I knew I wasn't.

02:31:01.000 Literally, this model Corvette has like three speedometers that you can't miss.

02:31:06.000 There's a giant digital one, there's one there, and then there's one on the other side that shows you another speed.

02:31:12.000 What?

02:31:13.000 You have more than one speedometer?

02:31:14.000 Almost positive there's three. 1.00

02:31:16.000 I think you have a tack, you fucking Luddite. 1.00

02:31:18.000 You don't even know what you have. 1.00

02:31:19.000 Oh my god.

02:31:21.000 What are you talking about?

02:31:21.000 Who cares?

02:31:22.000 I got the engine.

02:31:23.000 No, it's a tachometer. 1.00

02:31:24.000 It shows you how many revolutions per minute your engine's going, you fucking dummy. 0.99

02:31:28.000 I know what an RPM is. 1.00

02:31:30.000 I don't call it a tack.

02:31:31.000 I'm not some cool car guy.

02:31:33.000 What are you talking about?

02:31:34.000 It's standard.

02:31:35.000 This is what you have.

02:31:36.000 You have a speedometer and a tachometer.

02:31:38.000 They're right next to each other on every single car that's a performance car.

02:31:44.000 You know what there is?

02:31:45.000 There's a regular speedometer.

02:31:46.000 I'm almost positive of this.

02:31:48.000 There's a regular one.

02:31:49.000 And then a digital one.

02:31:49.000 And then the digital one tells you right in the middle with big numbers.

02:31:54.000 Right.

02:31:54.000 And then over the digital one, on top of the RPMs, there's also one that digitally shows you.

02:32:02.000 Two digital ones? 0.99

02:32:03.000 You don't know what the fuck your car does. 0.99

02:32:05.000 Yeah, there it is. 1.00

02:32:06.000 Wait.

02:32:06.000 Oh, yeah, there's two.

02:32:09.000 First of all, that one you're looking at is a fucking TAC. On the left? 0.99

02:32:14.000 Yeah.

02:32:15.000 No, on the left is a speedometer.

02:32:17.000 That one in the middle is a tach.

02:32:19.000 That's a tachometer.

02:32:20.000 And in the tachometer, then it has miles per hour in the center of the tach.

02:32:24.000 So the tach will show you when you hit red line, if you're using your paddle shifters. 1.00

02:32:28.000 So most of the time, a Luddite like you, I'm sure you put it in drive like a fucking dork. 1.00

02:32:33.000 You don't even use those paddles, do you? 1.00

02:32:35.000 Who needs them? 0.64

02:32:36.000 Oh, how dare you! 0.99

02:32:39.000 You know what it's like if you press the pedal all the way down and drive?

02:32:43.000 It goes fast.

02:32:43.000 Yeah.

02:32:45.000 It's all you care about, right?

02:32:46.000 Yeah.

02:32:46.000 It's the best feeling in the world.

02:32:49.000 You don't need a clutch.

02:32:50.000 I don't need anything.

02:32:51.000 I don't need any of it.

02:32:52.000 You don't need to shift?

02:32:53.000 Have you shifted for yourself ever?

02:32:55.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:32:55.000 As a grown man?

02:32:56.000 Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

02:32:56.000 When's the last time you did it?

02:32:58.000 In that car?

02:32:59.000 I don't know.

02:32:59.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

02:33:00.000 I mean a real shift.

02:33:02.000 Left foot, clutch, right hand.

02:33:04.000 Yeah, I used to have one.

02:33:05.000 What'd you have?

02:33:06.000 Well, I used to own a Hyundai Elantra.

02:33:10.000 Oh, sporty.

02:33:12.000 Powerful.

02:33:13.000 That got me prepared for my Corvette.

02:33:17.000 But no, when I rent cars and stuff sometimes on the road, I'll get one.

02:33:21.000 What?

02:33:22.000 They don't rent you a stick shift.

02:33:24.000 Sure they do.

02:33:25.000 Who's renting you a stick shift?

02:33:26.000 There's a lot of janky cities out there, Joe.

02:33:29.000 Really?

02:33:29.000 Yeah.

02:33:30.000 What do you rent?

02:33:31.000 What's the last time you rented a stick shift?

02:33:32.000 I can't.

02:33:33.000 I don't.

02:33:33.000 I mean, it's all a blur.

02:33:35.000 Just keep making shit up. 0.99

02:33:36.000 Go ahead. 1.00

02:33:36.000 What do you mean? 1.00

02:33:37.000 You don't think rental cars have stick shifts?

02:33:38.000 They do, but you have to really ask for it.

02:33:43.000 Most of the time they drive automatics.

02:33:45.000 There's stickers that people put on cars that say anti-theft deterrent and it just shows a manual transmission.

02:33:53.000 Because most people just don't know how to drive a manual.

02:33:55.000 I liked it.

02:33:57.000 And if the car was manual, I would have done that.

02:34:02.000 It's fun.

02:34:03.000 It's fun to have stuff to do.

02:34:06.000 I like it.

02:34:07.000 That's really what it is.

02:34:08.000 It's fun to have stuff to do.

02:34:09.000 They're on their way out.

02:34:11.000 Manuals?

02:34:12.000 Yeah, unfortunately.

02:34:13.000 You know, they used to have manuals on motorcycles where it was an actual stick shift, the really old ones.

02:34:19.000 Yeah, Josh Serlin.

02:34:20.000 He's the owner of Black Bear brand.

02:34:24.000 They're a real cool clothing company.

02:34:25.000 They built me this really dope leather jacket, man.

02:34:28.000 It's really cool. 0.98

02:34:29.000 He makes really interesting handmade stuff, like clothing and shit. 0.90

02:34:35.000 And he's into craftsmanship and old stuff. 0.96

02:34:38.000 And he has a motorcycle.

02:34:40.000 I think it's like, if you go to his Instagram, Black Bear brand, he drives this really old motorcycle. 0.99

02:34:46.000 He's crap at doing it. 0.58

02:34:46.000 There's Brad Pitt doing it. 0.58

02:34:48.000 I think they call it a suicide shifter because you have to reach down and imagine Brad Pitt, beautiful as he is, no helmet, just driving around.

02:34:56.000 See it in the upper right-hand corner?

02:34:58.000 That picture?

02:34:59.000 That's what it's like.

02:35:00.000 So you shift Like a clutch.

02:35:04.000 Like you press and shift it by hand.

02:35:06.000 Just go to BlackBearBrand on Instagram because he does it...

02:35:10.000 He's got videos of him driving through tunnels.

02:35:12.000 It looks so badass.

02:35:14.000 And he sat...

02:35:15.000 I talked to him about it and he was like, it's the most alive I ever feel.

02:35:19.000 He goes, the tank only lasts for like 20 miles. 0.62

02:35:22.000 Like it's this little ass tank and this engine just eats gas. 0.89

02:35:26.000 It's so inefficient because it's a really old bike. 0.99

02:35:29.000 But he just...

02:35:31.000 And shifting with one arm on the handlebar and shifting like this.

02:35:35.000 But there's something about...

02:35:36.000 There he is.

02:35:36.000 Look at this.

02:35:38.000 That's Josh. 1.00

02:35:39.000 So he's driving this thing and then when he shifts, see that thing over by his dick? 0.99

02:35:45.000 That's his shifter. 0.99

02:35:46.000 Look at that.

02:35:46.000 See, he has to reach down to shift gears.

02:35:49.000 Weird, right?

02:35:50.000 Yeah.

02:35:52.000 How could they make a motorcycle more dangerous?

02:35:54.000 First time I ever saw that was a drug dealer in Phoenix.

02:35:58.000 I met this drug dealer when we were at the Improv in Tempe.

02:36:03.000 Tempe Improv, yeah.

02:36:04.000 That sounds about right.

02:36:05.000 Yeah, and he's like, hey man, you come hang out with us.

02:36:07.000 I was like, hmm, I don't know.

02:36:10.000 Cut to you holding on him on the back of his motorcycle.

02:36:14.000 Crazy shifter you got there! 0.66

02:36:16.000 I didn't. 0.99

02:36:17.000 I avoided him.

02:36:18.000 Yeah.

02:36:18.000 Because he just seemed like trouble.

02:36:19.000 He was a little too enthusiastic about hanging.

02:36:21.000 It was a little cocaine enthusiastic.

02:36:23.000 Yeah, that Tempe improv is, uh, wow.

02:36:26.000 Yeah.

02:36:27.000 Well, Tempe is a college town, and it's surrounded by that Scottsdale area, which is notoriously...

02:36:36.000 It's an upper town.

02:36:40.000 That's the place where I think Tyson got arrested there for coke.

02:36:43.000 It's a lot of coke. 0.95

02:36:45.000 I'm ignorant to coke.

02:36:48.000 I've never done it. 0.98

02:36:49.000 Me too.

02:36:50.000 Never, not once.

02:36:51.000 But I was with Red Band, who's done it a lot.

02:36:53.000 And Redman and I were in a club, and he goes, you know, everyone's on coke.

02:36:57.000 I go, what?

02:36:57.000 He goes, look around.

02:36:58.000 Everyone's talking real loud to each other, and they're all touching their nose.

02:37:01.000 And it was almost like I couldn't unsee it anymore.

02:37:03.000 I was like, oh my god.

02:37:05.000 He's like, dude, everyone's on coke here.

02:37:06.000 I go, whoa, really?

02:37:08.000 He goes, yeah, they're all on coke.

02:37:10.000 Makes sense, though.

02:37:12.000 That Scottsdale area, a lot of rich folk, a lot of people like to party.

02:37:16.000 Yeah.

02:37:17.000 I like hanging out with those people because I don't get tired until 4, 5, 6am normally in old normal life.

02:37:25.000 Sometimes I'm completely oblivious to it and I don't realize that they're doing that and they don't want me to know that they're doing it so they keep it secret from me and everybody wins.

02:37:34.000 We're all having fun.

02:37:35.000 Have you ever had a desire to try it?

02:37:37.000 To see what the fuss is all about?

02:37:38.000 No, there's nothing really with anything that's an upper that excites me.

02:37:44.000 One time, I took a half of one of the pain pills that my dentist gave me when I had a wisdom tooth removed.

02:37:52.000 And I immediately...

02:37:54.000 Half.

02:37:56.000 And he told me to take two or something crazy.

02:37:58.000 He's like, take two of these if you feel any pain.

02:38:00.000 I took a half of one.

02:38:01.000 And I could see how people would love to do heroin and all of it.

02:38:06.000 I could immediately...

02:38:09.000 The warm, sweaty feeling of pure happiness went over me.

02:38:14.000 And I was smiling ear to ear, just so happy.

02:38:18.000 And so that's a scary one.

02:38:21.000 And that was done.

02:38:23.000 I remember one time I got a hold of the old school NyQuil.

02:38:27.000 This was like in the 90s.

02:38:29.000 I was sick and I got a hold of old school NyQuil and I took it and I was lying in bed and I was just like, I was like melting into my pillow.

02:38:37.000 I was like, ah, it felt so good.

02:38:40.000 Yeah.

02:38:41.000 It felt so good.

02:38:43.000 Just drift away.

02:38:45.000 Just be comforted.

02:38:46.000 I felt like you were in the womb.

02:38:48.000 Yeah.

02:38:48.000 Like, everything's gonna be okay, Tony.

02:38:51.000 Everything's gonna be okay.

02:38:53.000 You're gonna get a big, warm hug by the world.

02:38:56.000 That's it.

02:38:57.000 That's exactly how I felt that day.

02:39:00.000 The argument for people that don't have anything going on in their life, like, why should I not do that?

02:39:04.000 Right.

02:39:04.000 You know?

02:39:05.000 Right.

02:39:06.000 Luckily, I had already started the adventure of doing stand-up and all that and had a reputation or whatever because I could totally, 100% see myself.

02:39:20.000 It made me feel so good.

02:39:21.000 Yeah.

02:39:22.000 Well, I think a lot of people, if you don't have a good enough...

02:39:27.000 like a discipline a thing you're into that requires work that you really get joy out of if you don't have that and then you find the drug early before you've had the good feeling of accomplishment right that drug feeling could take you over and then it's really hard to like sacrifice it's really hard to do embrace discomfort when you're really into that codeine feeling yeah Just drift away.

02:39:56.000 All your worries go away, Tony.

02:39:58.000 That's the big problem with people with opioid addictions.

02:40:02.000 If you don't have something better than that, a lot of people are like, why should I abandon it?

02:40:08.000 Right.

02:40:08.000 You know?

02:40:09.000 And it's a tough argument because what's your argument for that?

02:40:13.000 What do you say?

02:40:14.000 Hey, you should suffer in a factory.

02:40:16.000 You should work your way up to a mediocre existence of debt and struggle and hate your job every day and stay clean.

02:40:26.000 Yeah, that's rough.

02:40:27.000 What do you do?

02:40:28.000 What do you tell them?

02:40:31.000 That's the number one problem I think people have when they don't have a lot going for them and they also get into drugs.

02:40:37.000 Like, how do you fix that?

02:40:39.000 What do you think about mushrooms being legal now in Oregon?

02:40:42.000 Dude, steroids are illegal in Oregon.

02:40:44.000 Whoa.

02:40:44.000 Or legal, rather.

02:40:45.000 Everything's legal.

02:40:46.000 Well, that's what I'm going to do. 0.99

02:40:47.000 I'm going to go to Oregon, get fucking buff. 1.00

02:40:49.000 Just get jacked. 1.00

02:40:49.000 Trip my balls off. 1.00

02:40:50.000 Become like Dorian Yates. 1.00

02:40:52.000 Do acid.

02:40:53.000 Who's Dorian Yates?

02:40:54.000 How dare you?

02:40:55.000 Oh, no.

02:40:56.000 How dare you?

02:40:57.000 Dorian Yates is one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time.

02:40:59.000 You know who Lee Haney is?

02:41:00.000 No. 1.00

02:41:01.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:41:02.000 How about Ronnie Coleman? 1.00

02:41:03.000 Does he use a tack speedometer?

02:41:05.000 No, I know Ron Coleman.

02:41:06.000 Columbus, Ohio.

02:41:07.000 The Ohio State University.

02:41:09.000 Oh, okay.

02:41:09.000 Clearly.

02:41:10.000 Yeah.

02:41:11.000 Ronnie Coleman?

02:41:12.000 Ohio?

02:41:13.000 Ronnie Coleman was...

02:41:14.000 You're thinking of Mark Coleman.

02:41:16.000 Oh, I am thinking of Mark Coleman. 1.00

02:41:17.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:41:18.000 That's a white guy. 1.00

02:41:20.000 Ronnie Coleman's like one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time.

02:41:23.000 He was so big, he doesn't even seem real.

02:41:26.000 Look at Ronnie Coleman.

02:41:27.000 Jesus, son.

02:41:27.000 Get out of here.

02:41:28.000 Yeah.

02:41:30.000 He did the podcast recently.

02:41:32.000 Look how big he was, dude.

02:41:34.000 He was so big.

02:41:35.000 Now that guy I could picture throwing an ice pick in one of his biceps.

02:41:39.000 Oh yeah, he wouldn't even notice it.

02:41:42.000 He's had every single disc in his back fused.

02:41:47.000 Except like one or two, I think.

02:41:49.000 God.

02:41:50.000 A bunch of back surgeries. 0.99

02:41:52.000 His back is all fucked up from just lifting immense amounts of weight and pushing himself. 0.95

02:41:58.000 To be that big and that strong, you have to have a crazy work ethic. 0.99

02:42:02.000 Look at his back.

02:42:03.000 Go to that upper right-hand corner picture.

02:42:05.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:42:06.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:42:07.000 That's alien. 1.00

02:42:08.000 God.

02:42:09.000 That's so crazy. 0.98

02:42:10.000 Look at his butt cheeks. 0.98

02:42:11.000 Jesus. 0.98

02:42:12.000 Jesus.

02:42:13.000 Jesus.

02:42:14.000 Goodness.

02:42:15.000 Jesus.

02:42:16.000 Yeah, so that's what you could look like if you moved to Oregon.

02:42:20.000 Start lifting.

02:42:21.000 There's Dorian.

02:42:22.000 Look at Dorian.

02:42:23.000 Dorian's also been on the podcast.

02:42:25.000 He's a normal-sized guy now.

02:42:26.000 But back then, when he was the champ, go to that one in the middle right there.

02:42:31.000 Bam.

02:42:31.000 Look at that.

02:42:32.000 Fucking come on, son. 1.00

02:42:35.000 Look at the size of him. 1.00

02:42:36.000 That's what I look like after lifting 25-pound kettlebells a few times in my head.

02:42:42.000 Look at the size of him.

02:42:45.000 He was, for his day, like, extraordinarily massive.

02:42:50.000 And that was like, he sort of was one of the group of the next level of bodybuilders that took mass to a new level.

02:42:59.000 And when he, you know, he talked about it on the podcast, he said he basically lived like a monk.

02:43:05.000 Like, all he did is eat and train.

02:43:07.000 Like, he was just obsessed with being the best.

02:43:09.000 Is it just a life of pain?

02:43:11.000 Tearing your muscles so that they build, grow back...

02:43:14.000 Bigger again and again and again?

02:43:16.000 That's a lot of it, but it was just the results.

02:43:18.000 He was addicted to standing on that stage going BAM! And everybody would be like, holy shit! 1.00

02:43:23.000 He wanted to just unveil. 0.99

02:43:26.000 People have a narrow-minded perspective of what art is.

02:43:31.000 And I think bodybuilding is an art.

02:43:33.000 But I think it's an art that only people who participate in it truly appreciate.

02:43:40.000 I think there's a lot of arts like that.

02:43:42.000 I think Poole's an art like that.

02:43:44.000 When I watch a guy, like I was saying, Efren Reyes, when I watch him play, you watch that guy play, you're like, wow.

02:43:50.000 The way he gets out, it's beautiful.

02:43:52.000 But only people who really understand Poole know how difficult the shots are or how he changed the angle with English.

02:43:59.000 And I think bodybuilding, when you see a guy like Dorian Yates or like Lee Haney or like Ronnie Coleman, when they get to that peak form when they're on that stage, only a person who really knows how difficult it is to be that massive and that shredded and to be standing there with veins on your feet all the way up to your calves.

02:44:36.000 Yeah, they cut all the water.

02:44:42.000 Yeah.

02:44:43.000 Yikes.

02:44:44.000 It's a big yikes.

02:44:46.000 It's a crazy way to live.

02:44:47.000 But for them, because they understand the dedication involved, people that are really into that, man, it's like a tight-knit community of people that are really into looking shredded and vascular and what it means to be that guy, you know?

02:45:03.000 Yeah.

02:45:03.000 To be Mr. Olympia.

02:45:05.000 As you can tell by my body, not really my thing.

02:45:08.000 Well, but your thing is killing. 0.99

02:45:10.000 Killing on stage. 0.71

02:45:11.000 Like, I was talking to...

02:45:13.000 Well, I've talked to a bunch of comics about this, but I think recently I was talking to Segura about it.

02:45:17.000 We're like, can you imagine living your whole life and never killing?

02:45:20.000 Never knowing what it's like to just...

02:45:23.000 To just crush.

02:45:25.000 Thank you, goodnight.

02:45:26.000 You know?

02:45:27.000 To lay down a Netflix special.

02:45:29.000 You know?

02:45:30.000 And have people watch it all around the country.

02:45:32.000 I can't go without it.

02:45:33.000 I know, it's hard.

02:45:35.000 Doing it tonight.

02:45:37.000 That weekend that we did in Houston, man.

02:45:40.000 So much fun.

02:45:41.000 That was the last time I did it.

02:45:41.000 That was July.

02:45:42.000 Really?

02:45:43.000 August, September, October, November.

02:45:44.000 That was four months ago.

02:45:45.000 And that was only one weekend.

02:45:48.000 Imagine how much fun you'd have if you came out tonight.

02:45:50.000 Maybe I will.

02:45:51.000 Cheers.

02:45:52.000 Maybe I will. 0.99

02:45:53.000 I'm a little fucked up. 0.99

02:45:54.000 It's gonna be fun. 0.99

02:45:57.000 You and me and Ron White.

02:45:59.000 Who else is on the show?

02:46:00.000 The young Tony Casillas.

02:46:03.000 You can't call him young Tony Casillas.

02:46:05.000 There's one young.

02:46:06.000 Huh?

02:46:06.000 Young Jamie.

02:46:07.000 Oh.

02:46:08.000 I don't know.

02:46:09.000 Is he still young Jamie after the coronavirus?

02:46:11.000 Didn't that put a little...

02:46:13.000 No. 1.00

02:46:13.000 Sick for a day, you son of a bitch. 1.00

02:46:16.000 That's why I beat it. 1.00

02:46:17.000 He beat it.

02:46:18.000 That's why I beat it.

02:46:18.000 Oh, okay.

02:46:19.000 He beat it because he's young Jamie.

02:46:20.000 People get mad because he's got gray hair now and I still call him young.

02:46:23.000 That's because I have stopped dyeing it. 0.99

02:46:25.000 I've always had fucking gray hair. 0.99

02:46:26.000 When did you start having gray hair? 0.99

02:46:28.000 I was 12. You know, you can go to a hair salon out here.

02:46:31.000 Well, yeah. 0.90

02:46:31.000 You should go to a black one and get cornrows. 0.90

02:46:33.000 Why don't you go?

02:46:34.000 Why don't you get cornrows? 0.86

02:46:35.000 I've had it once.

02:46:36.000 Cornrows?

02:46:37.000 Yeah.

02:46:37.000 I need to see that picture.

02:46:39.000 Do I have a picture of it?

02:46:40.000 I'll give you a raise if you get cornrows. 1.00

02:46:42.000 Ooh! 0.96

02:46:44.000 That high contact?

02:46:46.000 That glance he just gave you?

02:46:48.000 Do it on the show or what?

02:46:49.000 Will you get in trouble if you wear cornrows?

02:46:52.000 Will that be cultural appropriation?

02:46:54.000 Have they let that go?

02:46:55.000 Probably.

02:46:56.000 I would imagine so, yeah.

02:46:57.000 It's for white girls. 1.00

02:46:58.000 It's a real issue. 0.97

02:46:59.000 But for a guy, it might be a goof.

02:47:01.000 It hurt.

02:47:02.000 Ooh, I would imagine.

02:47:03.000 Very tight.

02:47:04.000 Uriah Faber got that when he fought.

02:47:06.000 Because Uriah, the California kid, he's got some long hair.

02:47:08.000 Yeah.

02:47:09.000 He would get some cornrows.

02:47:10.000 You could do it during a show.

02:47:12.000 You could just have one of the cornrow people behind him doing it. 0.99

02:47:15.000 With the pig and the whole deal?

02:47:16.000 I think I did it before.

02:47:17.000 It was when I was still in a band.

02:47:18.000 I had long hair back then.

02:47:20.000 I forgot you were in a band.

02:47:21.000 Do you have any recordings?

02:47:23.000 Yes.

02:47:24.000 We're going to end this show with one of your songs.

02:47:26.000 Absolutely not.

02:47:27.000 Yeah, we have to.

02:47:28.000 No, no, no.

02:47:29.000 It's not good.

02:47:30.000 That's why it's good.

02:47:32.000 Come on, let me make fun of you. 1.00

02:47:33.000 Is it on YouTube?

02:47:34.000 No.

02:47:34.000 There was no YouTube.

02:47:35.000 It was a long time ago.

02:47:37.000 I think it's on YouTube.

02:47:39.000 No, it's not.

02:47:40.000 We should put it on YouTube.

02:47:42.000 We should put it on the JRE channel.

02:47:44.000 Probably not.

02:47:46.000 Do you have it?

02:47:47.000 You wouldn't even know I'm in the band, though.

02:47:49.000 I'm not singing.

02:47:50.000 What are you playing?

02:47:51.000 I'm playing bass and guitar in the band, so there's a bunch of other people that probably wouldn't be big fans of that being out there, either.

02:47:57.000 Have you thought about bringing that back now that we're in the center of live entertainment?

02:48:00.000 This is the place.

02:48:01.000 I have.

02:48:01.000 Have you really?

02:48:02.000 You thought about coming back?

02:48:03.000 Yeah.

02:48:04.000 Really?

02:48:05.000 People last night were trying to book me a gig already.

02:48:07.000 I was like, calm down.

02:48:09.000 I was like, I haven't even barely put in my guitar.

02:48:10.000 Oh my goodness.

02:48:12.000 What was the name of your band? 1.00

02:48:14.000 Eat Shit? 1.00

02:48:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:48:15.000 Pretty much.

02:48:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:48:18.000 Please welcome Eat Shit. 0.82

02:48:19.000 Thank you so much. 0.99

02:48:20.000 We're Eat Shit. 0.97

02:48:21.000 Good night. 1.00

02:48:24.000 What kind of music?

02:48:26.000 It was like heavy metal rock music, you know.

02:48:28.000 Dude, you were playing metal?

02:48:29.000 Uh-huh.

02:48:30.000 Wow.

02:48:30.000 I have an ear for music.

02:48:32.000 I turned you on to that fucking badass song by Aaron Jones. 0.99

02:48:35.000 Yes. 0.99

02:48:36.000 Dude, he's really good. 1.00

02:48:38.000 I've got into a bunch of his shit. 1.00

02:48:40.000 His people reached out. 0.99

02:48:41.000 He's going to send us the album, he said, but it's not done yet.

02:48:44.000 He's very good.

02:48:45.000 He's very good and very unique.

02:48:48.000 Seattle sound, I think, is what they're calling it.

02:48:50.000 How much good music came out of Seattle?

02:48:53.000 That is a crazy part of the world.

02:48:55.000 A lot of despair and rainy days.

02:48:57.000 That's it. 1.00

02:48:58.000 Yeah, motherfuckers go inside. 1.00

02:49:00.000 Like, how much good music comes out of Miami? 1.00

02:49:03.000 Right.

02:49:04.000 And by the way, you know, Seattle has one more day of rain per year than Cleveland.

02:49:10.000 And Cleveland averages one more day of clouds than Seattle. 0.96

02:49:13.000 So they have an equal amount of shitty days. 1.00

02:49:16.000 A lot of great shit comes from Cleveland. 1.00

02:49:18.000 Yep. 1.00

02:49:18.000 That's where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is. 1.00

02:49:20.000 Suzanne Santo from Honey Honey.

02:49:22.000 Yeah.

02:49:23.000 Yep.

02:49:24.000 Honey Honey came out of...

02:49:25.000 A lot of people come out of Cleveland. 0.98

02:49:29.000 Those places that really suck, those people have a lot of pride.

02:49:32.000 It's weird. 0.99

02:49:33.000 People who live in places that are awesome, they don't give a fuck about those spots. 0.99

02:49:37.000 But people that fucking hang in there in Pittsburgh, we're gonna fucking hang in here! 1.00

02:49:43.000 Pittsburgh or death! 1.00

02:49:44.000 You know, there was a dude who came to my Cleveland show who had a t-shirt on that said, Cleveland or death.

02:49:49.000 And I put him on my Instagram.

02:49:51.000 I was like, that shirt needs to be seen.

02:49:53.000 That was what it said, right?

02:49:54.000 That makes sense, I'm sure.

02:49:55.000 It's something like that.

02:49:56.000 Yeah.

02:49:57.000 I picked death on that one.

02:50:01.000 Youngstown!

02:50:01.000 People from Youngstown dream of moving to Cleveland.

02:50:04.000 Yeah, no, I know, I'm kidding.

02:50:06.000 But, yeah, you know, being from those places is great, but getting out of there is better.

02:50:11.000 It only works if you get out. 0.99

02:50:13.000 Well, this is fucking winters, man. 0.99

02:50:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:50:16.000 That's what I'm talking with Joey Diaz about. 0.99

02:50:18.000 It's like, Joe Rogan, this fucking winter's gonna be a cold one. 0.99

02:50:21.000 I can feel it. 0.99

02:50:21.000 I go, there's always a place for you in Texas. 0.99

02:50:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:50:24.000 He's dreading winter like a fucking Game of Thrones character right now. 0.99

02:50:27.000 We're playing games. 1.00

02:50:28.000 We're playing games.

02:50:29.000 I'm eventually gonna get him out here.

02:50:31.000 It's just gonna take some time.

02:50:32.000 I saw White Walker the other day, Joe. 0.99

02:50:34.000 They're coming.

02:50:35.000 Let me know when you open up that club. 0.98

02:50:37.000 Open up that club. 0.99

02:50:38.000 He'll be there day one.

02:50:39.000 The floodgates will open.

02:50:41.000 I'm gonna put out the bat signal. 0.96

02:50:42.000 Yeah.

02:50:43.000 Because I don't think the comedy store is going to open up and I don't think the clubs in New York are going to open up.

02:50:47.000 I think it's going to be a while.

02:50:48.000 But we have rapid testing here.

02:50:50.000 We do it at the studio.

02:50:51.000 I think if I hired...

02:50:52.000 This is my thought.

02:50:54.000 If we have a parking lot and in that parking lot you have a team of 10 nurses and you tell everybody to come an hour before the show.

02:51:02.000 The show's at 8, get here by 7, you get tested.

02:51:06.000 You just have a name.

02:51:08.000 Everybody wears a mask.

02:51:10.000 It's a quick nose swap.

02:51:12.000 It's not hard.

02:51:13.000 You do a quick test.

02:51:15.000 Everybody goes inside when you're clear. 0.98

02:51:18.000 And when you're not clear, they get you the fuck out of there.

02:51:21.000 But I bet most people would be clear.

02:51:24.000 And you'd maybe catch a few here or there that didn't know they'd have it.

02:51:27.000 If you have it, if you think you don't feel good, please don't come.

02:51:30.000 Or get tested at this resource and come on down.

02:51:33.000 And then...

02:51:35.000 You have people, they get tested, they go inside, and then they can have a drink and wait for the show to start.

02:51:40.000 Show starts at 8 or 8.30, give people plenty of time.

02:51:43.000 That's not unreasonable to ask for.

02:51:45.000 Not at all.

02:51:45.000 People, before the doors open up at the store, people wait in line for longer than 15 minutes.

02:51:49.000 Right.

02:51:49.000 Yeah.

02:51:50.000 So if you could have 10 nurses, I mean, you've got your test today.

02:51:54.000 It literally takes five seconds to administer the test.

02:51:57.000 Well, 10 seconds, right?

02:51:59.000 It's 10 seconds of swabbing your nose.

02:52:01.000 Yeah.

02:52:01.000 So they swab your nose.

02:52:03.000 They do the test.

02:52:04.000 It takes 15 minutes to get the results.

02:52:07.000 But you could do that if you have a name and a number, like number 79. That's me.

02:52:12.000 You're clear.

02:52:13.000 Alright, good.

02:52:14.000 You got your ticket.

02:52:15.000 Maybe you have a QR code or something like that.

02:52:17.000 They scan it at the door.

02:52:19.000 It's not hard to imagine that you could do a real show out here.

02:52:22.000 Like a real show.

02:52:24.000 Like 300 people packed.

02:52:26.000 Like in a place the size of the comedy store main room.

02:52:30.000 350, 400 people.

02:52:32.000 You could do that here.

02:52:32.000 Yeah.

02:52:36.000 Because there's a disease doesn't mean there's not a workaround where everybody can still be safe and still be like we're doing right now.

02:52:44.000 Everyone in this room has been tested.

02:52:46.000 We're okay.

02:52:46.000 So then we can just sit across from each other and have fun and not even think about it.

02:52:51.000 That could be done in a comedy club.

02:52:53.000 It can be done.

02:52:54.000 And is it easy to do right now?

02:52:56.000 No.

02:52:56.000 It's a little complicated.

02:52:57.000 It's a little expensive.

02:52:58.000 But is it better than not doing it?

02:53:01.000 Yeah.

02:53:02.000 Yeah.

02:53:02.000 Especially if you're a fan of comedy.

02:53:04.000 If you know that you can just get tested and then you can go perform in front of a real crowd, packed like the old days where everybody's clean, We were having so much fun.

02:53:16.000 We were having too much fun.

02:53:17.000 But this is the wake-up call.

02:53:19.000 It's a little reminder that you and I and Diaz and Ari and Duncan and so many others, we lived through the golden years of the Comedy Store.

02:53:29.000 It was the golden years.

02:53:31.000 And almost like poetically, it ended at the peak.

02:53:36.000 It was sold out every night.

02:53:38.000 Yeah.

02:53:38.000 Every night.

02:53:39.000 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

02:53:41.000 Multiple shows at night.

02:53:42.000 Main room, OR. I remember going in there on a Tuesday night.

02:53:46.000 There was two shows sold out in the main room.

02:53:48.000 The show in the OR was completely...

02:53:50.000 They were doing two shows in the OR. Remember that?

02:53:52.000 They started doing an early show and another late show because there were so many people.

02:53:56.000 You had to rotate the crowd.

02:53:58.000 Belly room was packed.

02:54:00.000 Packed!

02:54:01.000 Everything was packed!

02:54:02.000 Those were always two or three shows a night in the belly.

02:54:05.000 Yeah, and people were flying in from all around the world.

02:54:08.000 It was literally the golden age of comedy.

02:54:11.000 And then it ended. 1.00

02:54:12.000 And now tell me what you were telling me about LA, how fucked up they are. 0.99

02:54:16.000 They won't even let people... 0.99

02:54:17.000 You're doing a show with no audience in the main room streaming it to people in the parking lot and they won't let you do it.

02:54:24.000 Right.

02:54:24.000 They gave the comedy store a ticket because we were streaming the show...

02:54:29.000 From inside to outside on television.

02:54:32.000 But you can also stream other things.

02:54:34.000 You can play the Lakers.

02:54:36.000 You can play UFC. You can show anything you want that's live.

02:54:39.000 You just can't show what's happening inside the building live outside to the parking lot.

02:54:47.000 So...

02:54:47.000 How does that make any sense?

02:54:49.000 Right.

02:54:49.000 It doesn't.

02:54:50.000 It's ridiculous.

02:54:52.000 And by the way, the system's so messed up that one week it'll be one person, and the next week a different person says that that's okay, but this isn't allowed.

02:55:00.000 And...

02:55:02.000 Performing in a window is okay, but streaming it to screens isn't.

02:55:06.000 Or it changes continuously because there is no consistency and they don't know what to do.

02:55:12.000 And then at one point, it got approved by West Hollywood that they were allowed to do certain things.

02:55:21.000 Shows?

02:55:22.000 Yeah.

02:55:22.000 In the parking lot?

02:55:23.000 Yeah.

02:55:23.000 They sent out a newsletter?

02:55:25.000 Yep. 0.99

02:55:25.000 I was like, oh shit, they're going to do shows in the parking lot? 0.99

02:55:27.000 Yep. 0.99

02:55:28.000 And then the city of LA shut it down.

02:55:29.000 Yep, LA County.

02:55:32.000 It was like, nope, even though you're your own thing, West Hollywood, we're not allowing you to do that.

02:55:37.000 Do you think that's political?

02:55:41.000 It's all a mess, man.

02:55:44.000 How does that make sense if you can go eat at Boa and that's outside?

02:55:47.000 Right.

02:55:48.000 How does that make sense?

02:55:49.000 Right.

02:55:49.000 And also, when you factor in that people will be talking less than they would be, especially, you know, right around the corner is the Saddle Ranch, which is playing music and you have people at tables.

02:56:02.000 We're good to go.

02:56:27.000 And then the comedy store was also proposing a big shield, a plexiglass shield between the audience and the stand-up.

02:56:34.000 Yeah.

02:56:34.000 And they're still like, nope.

02:56:35.000 Right.

02:56:36.000 Because it's live entertainment.

02:56:37.000 And they think that if they do that, people are going to just start dancing or something, making out.

02:56:42.000 I don't know what's going on.

02:56:43.000 Doesn't make any sense.

02:56:44.000 It's what I talked to Dave Smith about yesterday.

02:56:47.000 We're like, these governors and these mayors, they all suddenly have power, and it's very difficult to let that power grow.

02:56:52.000 It's not nice.

02:56:54.000 And they keep getting paid.

02:56:56.000 What should happen is, their income should be based entirely on the income of the city or the state.

02:57:03.000 So when the income of the city and the state is drastically reduced, the salary...

02:57:08.000 Of the governor and the salary of the mayor should be radically reduced as well.

02:57:13.000 It's brilliant. 0.98

02:57:14.000 And then you would see how quickly these motherfuckers would open things up. 1.00

02:57:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:57:18.000 100%. 1.00

02:57:19.000 And on that note, fuck faces. 1.00

02:57:22.000 That's it. 1.00

02:57:23.000 That's it.

02:57:24.000 Where you at tonight?

02:57:25.000 Well, people will find out tomorrow.

02:57:26.000 Yeah.

02:57:27.000 But I'm at Vulcan Gas Company tonight in Austin.

02:57:30.000 Is that you, Jamie?

02:57:31.000 And...

02:57:32.000 What is this? 1.00

02:57:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:57:33.000 Is this you? 1.00

02:57:34.000 No.

02:57:35.000 Where are you at?

02:57:35.000 That you right there?

02:57:36.000 Play this shit. 1.00

02:57:37.000 Come on, play it. 1.00

02:57:40.000 We'll leave with this.

02:57:43.000 That's not good.

02:57:44.000 Play it!

02:57:46.000 It's not bad.

02:57:47.000 Give me some volume. 0.99

02:57:51.000 Man, Eat Shit's pretty good. 0.99

02:57:53.000 This is our last concert, I think. 1.00

02:57:55.000 Eat Shit, coming to 6th Street. 0.99

02:57:59.000 Okay, stop. 1.00

02:58:00.000 Turn it back on.

02:58:01.000 We're going to close out with this. 1.00

02:58:03.000 Chase your dreams, bitches. 1.00

02:58:05.000 I'm in Dallas this weekend, though, at Hyenas. 0.99

02:58:07.000 Hyenas, that's a good club.

02:58:08.000 Four shows.

02:58:09.000 Yeah, I go there all the time.

02:58:10.000 It's so much fun.

02:58:11.000 Keep that volume going.

02:58:13.000 Who are you working with?

02:58:14.000 Very good guitar player.

02:58:15.000 Just me.

02:58:15.000 Just you?

02:58:15.000 Yeah.

02:58:16.000 Do you have an opening act?

02:58:17.000 Yeah, I'm working.

02:58:18.000 Tony Casillas, again, is going to be there.

02:58:20.000 And, yeah, someone else.

02:58:25.000 I'm not sure.

02:58:26.000 Someone else.

02:58:27.000 Yeah.

02:58:27.000 Another incredible local talent.

02:58:29.000 Alright.

02:58:29.000 It's between two guys.

02:58:30.000 Well, that's it.

02:58:31.000 Dallas.

02:58:32.000 This weekend.

02:58:33.000 Come.

02:58:34.000 Get.

02:58:35.000 Some. 0.97

02:58:35.000 Watch Kill Tony. 0.97

02:58:36.000 Golden Pony.

02:58:37.000 You're moving here, right?

02:58:39.000 Yes!

02:58:40.000 Say yes!

02:58:40.000 Yeah, we just gotta get everything open here.

02:58:43.000 Tom Segura's moving here.

02:58:44.000 Red Bend already bought a house, you know that?

02:58:45.000 Yeah, crazy. 1.00

02:58:46.000 Yeah, come on, bitch. 1.00

02:58:47.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:58:48.000 Come on, come on. 0.99

02:58:50.000 January.

02:58:52.000 January's when I'm opening up.

02:58:53.000 I'm gonna wait.

02:58:54.000 I wanna wait until the new, once Biden gets in office, I wanna see what they do.

02:59:00.000 I'm worried about lockdowns.

02:59:02.000 I'm worried about nationwide mandates and weirdness for them.

02:59:06.000 I'm hoping that they recognize that there's a way to do things and open things up and also they recognize that people have to go to work.

02:59:13.000 You can't just keep everybody shut down. 0.99

02:59:16.000 A lot of waitresses and a lot of waiters and bartenders that got fucked over during this shit. 1.00

02:59:21.000 Let's bring them back. 1.00

02:59:23.000 100%.

02:59:23.000 Get everybody back to work.

02:59:24.000 Bring back some comedy.

02:59:26.000 Yeah.

02:59:26.000 Texas.

02:59:27.000 Let's do it.

02:59:28.000 Tony!

02:59:28.000 I'm in.

02:59:29.000 Come on, Tony!

02:59:30.000 Okay, I'll do it.

02:59:31.000 I just decided. 1.00

02:59:32.000 Eat shit coming to 6th Street. 1.00

02:59:34.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00

02:59:35.000 We're gonna have to get some new band members.

02:59:39.000 Looks like they already have.

02:59:40.000 What's up with this monk machine?

02:59:42.000 I mean, it's about a billiard hall.

02:59:43.000 They were doing the best they could.

02:59:44.000 A billiard hall?

02:59:45.000 You played pool and had music?

02:59:48.000 They had it, yeah.

02:59:49.000 A lot going on.

02:59:49.000 We had two singers.

02:59:50.000 There's a lot happening.

02:59:51.000 That guy's screaming.

02:59:52.000 Yes.

02:59:52.000 He's got one guy that sounds like Tool, the other guy that sounds like Megadeth.

02:59:55.000 That was the goal.

02:59:56.000 You figured us out.

02:59:57.000 It's a fusion.

02:59:58.000 Only you knew us back then.

03:00:00.000 Good night, everybody.

03:00:01.000 Good luck.

03:00:02.000 Godspeed. 1.00

03:00:03.000 Let's keep it together, bitches. 1.00

03:00:05.000 Woo! 1.00

03:00:07.000 That's it.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 12, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1563 - Tony Hinchcliffe

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Summary

Transcript