The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1585 - Michael Kosta

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day.

00:00:07.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:00:08.000 All day.

00:00:14.000 Yeah, his unwillingness to make money off of it, too, is interesting.

00:00:19.000 Yeah.

00:00:20.000 Yeah, Signal is...

00:00:22.000 You know, whenever someone new signs up at Signal, you get, like, this notification.

00:00:27.000 Yeah.

00:00:27.000 I've noticed that.

00:00:28.000 And so it's, like, flooding with all these people that I know that are now on Signal.

00:00:31.000 I'm like, wow.

00:00:32.000 It's gotten us, me, to re-evaluate privacy and everything.

00:00:38.000 You know, like, what is on my phone?

00:00:40.000 What are these...

00:00:42.000 When you go to that thing on the iPhone that says, you can use my location always or while using, it's crazy how many apps are just using your location.

00:00:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:00:51.000 Well, what's going to change...

00:00:53.000 By the way, this is Michael Kosta, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:55.000 We're already rolling.

00:00:56.000 Great.

00:00:57.000 Michael Kosta, you might know him from The Daily Show.

00:00:59.000 He's also a fabulous stand-up comedian.

00:01:00.000 I know him from the Comedy Store.

00:01:02.000 Please welcome Michael Kosta!

00:01:03.000 Thank you for having me, man.

00:01:05.000 My pleasure, brother.

00:01:05.000 This has been an exciting highlight for me to be sitting here with you and be on your podcast.

00:01:10.000 I can't believe what this thing has become, man.

00:01:13.000 Bizarre.

00:01:14.000 It's for you.

00:01:14.000 It must be crazy.

00:01:15.000 Well, this is what's bizarre about it.

00:01:17.000 It seems like it's just you and me talking.

00:01:20.000 Well, it is just me and you talking.

00:01:20.000 Yeah.

00:01:21.000 Yeah.

00:01:22.000 But, I mean, how many years have you been doing it?

00:01:25.000 11. 11 years.

00:01:26.000 Okay.

00:01:27.000 Yeah, 11. It started in 2009. It's...

00:01:30.000 As a younger than you comic, you know, you look to the comics older than you and you say, who is doing what I want or creating something special that's unique to them?

00:01:42.000 And that's what I always try to do.

00:01:45.000 And then to see what you've made, this is nuts.

00:01:48.000 Oh, thank you.

00:01:48.000 It's nuts.

00:01:49.000 Just dumb luck. 0.99

00:01:51.000 Dumb luck and persistence. 0.99

00:01:52.000 That's a lot of it. 0.99

00:01:52.000 That's it. 0.99

00:01:54.000 Legitimately.

00:01:54.000 I tell everybody.

00:01:56.000 Dumb luck and persistence. 0.98

00:01:57.000 And just working at it. 0.99

00:01:59.000 Conversations, there's a skill to it.

00:02:01.000 It doesn't seem like there's a skill to it, but there's a skill to it.

00:02:04.000 You realize, after you do a lot of podcasts, too, how bad a lot of people are, just regular folks are, at having conversations.

00:02:11.000 You see people just talking over each other. 1.00

00:02:13.000 You're like, Jesus, when you let him finish, and then you let her finish, like, fucking... 1.00

00:02:18.000 You guys just talk. 1.00

00:02:19.000 You just...

00:02:20.000 Clyde.

00:02:21.000 Some of the worst conversations I've ever had in my life are at that front bar at the comedy store.

00:02:26.000 Because it's always like the weirdest comics talking at you, never listening to your thing.

00:02:31.000 Right.

00:02:32.000 And I would get so frustrated...

00:02:34.000 Growing up, my mom would do this game called the tennis ball game where we were very young and she would ask us a question. 1.00

00:02:42.000 She would say, hey, Michael, how was school today?

00:02:43.000 And she would hand me the ball or toss me the ball.

00:02:45.000 And then you had to answer and you couldn't give her the ball back until you asked her a question.

00:02:50.000 And this is like...

00:02:51.000 We're like six.

00:02:54.000 So I would say, today was good.

00:02:55.000 And then I would try to hand the ball back.

00:02:57.000 And she'd say, you can't hand me the ball back.

00:02:58.000 You didn't ask me anything.

00:02:59.000 And I'd say, do you like the weather today?

00:03:01.000 And I'd hand it to her.

00:03:02.000 And she trained us like zoo animals to do this.

00:03:04.000 Wow.

00:03:05.000 But it is funny because so much of my life now, what you mentioned earlier, no one knows how to talk.

00:03:10.000 No.

00:03:11.000 No, I have a very good friend.

00:03:13.000 And she's very smart.

00:03:15.000 But her and her husband just...

00:03:17.000 Talk louder over each other!

00:03:19.000 And they don't listen.

00:03:20.000 And then one of them will walk off into the kitchen. 1.00

00:03:23.000 You're like, what in the fuck? 0.99

00:03:24.000 And if I try to have a conversation with them, if I'm in the middle of saying, well, I wonder if what it is... 1.00

00:03:29.000 They just start talking.

00:03:32.000 Like, they don't let anybody talk.

00:03:34.000 They just talk at you.

00:03:35.000 Was your home like a long-form conversation home?

00:03:39.000 I don't know.

00:03:40.000 Like, why do you feel comfortable?

00:03:42.000 For sure.

00:03:42.000 Marijuana.

00:03:43.000 Okay.

00:03:44.000 It's definitely marijuana.

00:03:45.000 Long stoner conversations.

00:03:46.000 I don't know, man.

00:03:47.000 You know, I used to do morning radio and I used to look forward to it in some markets, you know?

00:03:52.000 I think morning radio is like 8 out of 10 are just cool people that happen to be on the morning radio.

00:03:57.000 But then there's like the 2 out of 10 are people that wish they were comics.

00:04:00.000 Oh my God.

00:04:01.000 You know those.

00:04:02.000 Then they crush you when you do morning radio.

00:04:03.000 If you're not like killing, they're like, I'm better than that guy. 0.92

00:04:06.000 Yeah, they get dicky and they get weird with you.

00:04:09.000 Like, they're not friendly.

00:04:10.000 I did this one, and I don't want to say where it was, but the guy wouldn't even acknowledge that you were there until he did a bunch of other stuff while you're just sitting there.

00:04:21.000 So you're just sitting there in the stage, and he's talking about some stupid stuff they're doing outside on Applebee's.

00:04:27.000 Right. 0.98

00:04:28.000 We got five different people to try it out and no one could do it.

00:04:31.000 And then finally, oh, so then we got a comedian is here.

00:04:35.000 He's playing at the blah, blah, blah.

00:04:37.000 It's Joe Rogan.

00:04:38.000 Hi, Joe.

00:04:39.000 How are you?

00:04:39.000 And you're like, why have I been here for 20 minutes just staring at you?

00:04:43.000 It's like a power trip.

00:04:44.000 I feel like they're...

00:04:45.000 Jealous or angry that you're working the road, even though it's not like the road comic is making tons of money that week or whatever, but for some reason, morning radio, Johnny Danger, bang, bang, bang, those guys seem mad about their life lots of times.

00:05:01.000 Some of them, yeah.

00:05:02.000 And then there's a few that are excellent and awesome.

00:05:04.000 Some are just cool people that happen to be doing that.

00:05:07.000 Most of them are cool people that just happen to be doing that.

00:05:09.000 But there's enough of those...

00:05:11.000 Well, it's just like when someone is in that sort of a position where they're the one who's promoting your show, you need them to promote your show.

00:05:17.000 So you get up, you go there, and they're the star, and everybody's getting them the pieces of paper, the stuff they have to say.

00:05:25.000 There's always some super young person, at least for me, when I walk in the studio, that has just Googled me.

00:05:31.000 I'm on air...

00:05:33.000 Now.

00:05:34.000 But they're literally like, okay, say this.

00:05:36.000 And also people forget, normally you woke up at 5 a.m.

00:05:42.000 the day before for the flight, you're waking up at 5 a.m.

00:05:45.000 the next day for morning radio, and then you normally have a 5 a.m.

00:05:48.000 flight the next Sunday or whatever.

00:05:50.000 So it's like, I'm not saying being a stand-up comic is hard, but...

00:05:54.000 The stage time is this awesome one-hour whatever, but all the other work is like 5 a.m., 5 a.m., 5 a.m.

00:06:00.000 Yeah.

00:06:01.000 Well, it fucks up your rhythm, too, because your brain rhythm is off when you get up early in the morning a couple of days in a row, because you're used to doing sets till late at night.

00:06:09.000 Totally.

00:06:09.000 If you do a late-night show, you're doing a 10 p.m.

00:06:12.000 You're not out of there until 12.30.

00:06:12.000 show.

00:06:14.000 You get back to your room.

00:06:15.000 You go to bed.

00:06:16.000 It's like 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, and then you have to get up at 5 to do radio.

00:06:21.000 It's like you're just wrecked.

00:06:23.000 And be excellent.

00:06:24.000 And then wake up and try to get some sleep.

00:06:26.000 And usually drink coffee to do radio.

00:06:28.000 And then you try to get some sleep. 0.99

00:06:30.000 Your rhythm's all fucked up. 0.95

00:06:31.000 The moment I had to stop doing radio, the road became infinitely better. 1.00

00:06:35.000 That was a direct result of doing podcasts.

00:06:38.000 Because once I started doing podcasts, I was selling out without going there.

00:06:42.000 Without having to do that, I'm like, oh, yeah.

00:06:44.000 And then they would try to get you to do it anyway.

00:06:46.000 We have a relationship with the radio station.

00:06:48.000 We would love it if you came in.

00:06:49.000 Right.

00:06:50.000 Because you would promote the date on your podcast, so you would do what they were supposed to do for you.

00:06:54.000 You would do.

00:06:55.000 So then the club would ask me to do radio anyway.

00:07:00.000 They really would like you to come in.

00:07:01.000 And I'm like, I'm not getting up at 5 in the morning when I don't have to on a day where I have to do shows.

00:07:07.000 With a host that probably is a little pissed off at you for some reason.

00:07:10.000 Only the ones...

00:07:11.000 Well, there's some I had relationships with that I still did for a while, just because they're nice.

00:07:14.000 I just wanted to come in and say hi.

00:07:16.000 And I still...

00:07:17.000 There's some I miss.

00:07:17.000 I miss you.

00:07:18.000 I'm just not getting up for you. 1.00

00:07:20.000 Do some shit in the afternoon. 0.99

00:07:22.000 You know, I would... 1.00

00:07:23.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:07:24.000 I would...

00:07:24.000 I talk...

00:07:26.000 Yeah, I would welcome a weekend on the road right now to do morning radio.

00:07:32.000 Here I am bitching about it, but I miss that, you know?

00:07:34.000 I mean, nothing seems to be open.

00:07:34.000 Yeah.

00:07:36.000 I know Texas has more things open, but...

00:07:39.000 And I haven't done stand-up.

00:07:40.000 We were talking earlier, I haven't done stand-up since the pandemic, but I'm hoping to feel what you felt when you first went back up there, because I have to reevaluate how much do I enjoy it if I've really enjoyed kind of not doing it right now.

00:07:53.000 I don't know if you had any of that.

00:07:54.000 I did enjoy not doing it.

00:07:56.000 I really enjoyed learning how to cook and having a meal at dinner.

00:08:00.000 Yes.

00:08:00.000 I enjoyed space.

00:08:01.000 Space to do stuff.

00:08:02.000 Yeah.

00:08:02.000 You enjoyed cooking?

00:08:04.000 You know, dinner always took on a different meaning for me when I had shows.

00:08:09.000 It was get fuel so you could not be passing out on stage.

00:08:14.000 Whether it was LA or New York, lots of times it was crappy food, get fuel in.

00:08:20.000 But now there's time to really think about dinner, you know?

00:08:24.000 Do I want to grill?

00:08:25.000 Do I want to make something...

00:08:26.000 And I enjoy...

00:08:28.000 I think it's a much healthier way to be.

00:08:30.000 No one has ever mistaken this profession of stand-up comedy with health.

00:08:35.000 No.

00:08:35.000 But I have appreciated the healthier part of that.

00:08:39.000 Doing these shows with Chappelle has made me wonder.

00:08:42.000 I wonder how viable it is to actually do a residency in a town like Austin and continue to do it for long stretches of time.

00:08:51.000 I don't know, because I kind of think you could put together an act out here.

00:08:55.000 We kind of were doing a residency in LA, right?

00:08:58.000 At the store?

00:08:59.000 Yeah.

00:09:00.000 It's kind of what we did.

00:09:01.000 I mean, they had...

00:09:03.000 This amazingly strong lineup every single night.

00:09:07.000 And how often was it tourists in the audience?

00:09:10.000 A lot.

00:09:11.000 So people were coming to L.A. and it was becoming a destination, the Comedy Store.

00:09:14.000 From other countries.

00:09:16.000 Oh my gosh.

00:09:16.000 Totally.

00:09:17.000 So, you know...

00:09:19.000 Of course.

00:09:20.000 And this is a great city, so of course you could do a residency.

00:09:23.000 I mean, this is also, isn't that how Las Vegas works?

00:09:25.000 You sign a residency deal for two years or whatever, and now you're care top at the Luxor forever?

00:09:29.000 So Dave and I did this month, and now we're going to do January, and we're even talking about doing February.

00:09:36.000 So we're kind of doing that right now.

00:09:38.000 That's so cool.

00:09:39.000 Yeah.

00:09:39.000 And while it's happening, I'm like, okay.

00:09:42.000 And I was talking to Donnell about this, and we were like, we need a workout club.

00:09:45.000 And I'm like, we do need a workout club.

00:09:47.000 So now I'm looking at small clubs, and then I'm going to look at larger clubs, too.

00:09:51.000 And the idea is, get everything in a row, and then once the vaccines roll out, and once...

00:09:57.000 Treatments improve and they get to the point where it's not irresponsible to do an indoor show on a regular basis.

00:10:04.000 Right now we're doing outdoor.

00:10:06.000 It's an amphitheater.

00:10:08.000 Everybody's tested.

00:10:09.000 But people are still frustrated.

00:10:11.000 You're putting people at risk. 1.00

00:10:13.000 You're putting people at risk if you leave your fucking house. 1.00

00:10:16.000 Did you take a car? 1.00

00:10:19.000 When you were at the store, was that your workout spot?

00:10:23.000 Yeah.

00:10:24.000 Because it's hard...

00:10:27.000 Because it would be packed, and many people there were fans of yours, and I'm not at the stage where I have 400 fans, and I'm like, you can't disappoint your fans, but also you've got to work your shit out.

00:10:39.000 You've got to be able to do both. 0.99

00:10:42.000 It's tricky, because you're going to eat shit on a few attempts. 0.99

00:10:45.000 In front of your people that are rooting for you. 1.00

00:10:48.000 We're good to go.

00:11:08.000 Because you get to see the baby legs.

00:11:11.000 You get to see like Bambi on ice where it's like...

00:11:13.000 There's no balance.

00:11:16.000 You don't know where you're going with it.

00:11:18.000 But there's something there.

00:11:19.000 And if you...

00:11:19.000 I found, if I just stick with it, Yeah.

00:11:34.000 Yeah.

00:11:43.000 But I remember I was passed at the Comedy Store in 2008 and you were gone at that point.

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:48.000 And I don't know, you know, I didn't see you there until whenever you came back.

00:11:54.000 I forget.

00:11:54.000 2014. So for six years it was when I was passed.

00:11:59.000 It was different, man.

00:12:00.000 And you know that.

00:12:00.000 It was like three people some nights.

00:12:03.000 Monday night, three people.

00:12:05.000 And then it threw me off guard when it became the hot spot again.

00:12:10.000 It was great, though.

00:12:11.000 It was great when you came back and it was like, Rogan's back, Rogan's back.

00:12:16.000 And I was kind of like, so what?

00:12:19.000 There's a lot of great comics here, so what?

00:12:21.000 And then you kind of see, oh, it's Tuesday night.

00:12:23.000 So that was awesome.

00:12:26.000 It was fun to be a part of.

00:12:28.000 It really was.

00:12:29.000 It was fun to see.

00:12:31.000 I remember there was one time I was on stage in Chicago, and this was like maybe 2012, and And I said, I was at the Chicago Theater.

00:12:41.000 It sold out.

00:12:42.000 It's like 3,700 people.

00:12:43.000 I go, I had this bit that I was doing.

00:12:45.000 I go, how many of you guys listen to the podcast? 0.99

00:12:48.000 And this fucking roar. 1.00

00:12:51.000 No shit. 1.00

00:12:52.000 It was, yeah. 1.00

00:12:53.000 And I went... 1.00

00:12:54.000 I remember thinking, oh, shit. 1.00

00:12:57.000 I didn't expect that. 0.99

00:12:58.000 I expected, yeah, a few people.

00:13:02.000 20% of the people.

00:13:03.000 Whatever the number was.

00:13:04.000 And then I remember thinking, oh, wow.

00:13:07.000 This is kind of crazy.

00:13:09.000 I don't have to do morning radio now.

00:13:11.000 I don't pay attention to much.

00:13:14.000 I try to not pay attention.

00:13:16.000 I try to just do what I do, and I try to figure out a way to use my time wisely.

00:13:23.000 And the best way to use my time wisely is to not read anything about me, not read any comments.

00:13:28.000 So then things happen, and you're not aware they're happening.

00:13:31.000 And so that's kind of what happened with the podcast.

00:13:34.000 Which is probably good.

00:13:35.000 It's the only way you could do it and not go crazy.

00:13:37.000 Not go crazy, right.

00:13:38.000 Everybody goes crazy. 0.99

00:13:40.000 You meet any famous person, they're insane.

00:13:43.000 And is that because there's nobody giving him honesty? 0.53

00:13:46.000 It's not just that.

00:13:48.000 It's just the pressure of all these other people's opinions.

00:13:51.000 One of the things about Chappelle that's fascinating is he doesn't use any social media.

00:13:56.000 He doesn't use anything.

00:13:58.000 You know, he consumes, right?

00:14:01.000 Like, he'll go on YouTube and watch videos. 0.98

00:14:04.000 He's interested in things, but he doesn't fuck around with anything that has anything to do with him.

00:14:09.000 And he doesn't post things. 0.90

00:14:11.000 He's not showing you his life.

00:14:13.000 But he's got accounts.

00:14:15.000 Yeah.

00:14:15.000 He's got logins.

00:14:16.000 He's only got one, and he recently started it.

00:14:18.000 It was for...

00:14:20.000 Instagram to let people know that HBO Max was using the Chappelle show and he wasn't getting paid for it.

00:14:29.000 And that worked.

00:14:30.000 So they pulled it off of Netflix and they pulled it off of HBO Max now.

00:14:34.000 That's wild, huh? 0.99

00:14:36.000 Who the fuck can do that? 1.00

00:14:36.000 It's wild. 1.00

00:14:37.000 I mean, that to me was...

00:14:39.000 I mean, I get tweets because I work on Comedy Central.

00:14:43.000 I get tweets like, I don't support you because you guys haven't paid Chappelle. 0.96

00:14:46.000 As if I have any fucking thing to do with this, right? 0.92

00:14:48.000 It's like Twitter people attacking me. 0.98

00:14:50.000 It's like when people attack me because I was playing a club that Louis had played that week or something.

00:14:56.000 It's like, do you think I own Levity Live in West Nyack, New York?

00:14:59.000 Yeah.

00:15:01.000 But I was just thinking, what talent like Chappelle can just say, pull this off, and they pull it off?

00:15:08.000 I love that he just moved to Ohio out of the whole deal.

00:15:12.000 Well, he's been in Ohio for a long time.

00:15:13.000 As a Michigander, I'm like, wait, you can have a career in showbiz?

00:15:16.000 And this is what's fascinating about what's happening right now.

00:15:19.000 You guys can have a career in showbiz and not be in New York and L.A.? Yeah.

00:15:23.000 Well, he did it on purpose because he wants to be in a place where people are normal.

00:15:26.000 He lives in a small town.

00:15:28.000 He knows everybody at his grocery store.

00:15:30.000 He knows everybody at the coffee shop.

00:15:32.000 And he's like a normal resident of the community.

00:15:35.000 And he's taking a number asking for sliced turkey breast.

00:15:35.000 I love it.

00:15:38.000 And some woman's like, that's one of the greatest stand-up comics ever. 1.00

00:15:42.000 He lives right down the street.

00:15:44.000 He lives on a farm.

00:15:45.000 He's a fascinating character.

00:15:47.000 I love him.

00:15:48.000 I love him.

00:15:49.000 I love hanging out with him.

00:15:50.000 He's just so fascinating.

00:15:51.000 Comics always say that, to know him and interact with him.

00:15:54.000 And that's awesome.

00:15:57.000 He's great.

00:15:58.000 He's always been great, too.

00:16:00.000 I met him when he was 19. So did he not then get really well paid from the Chappelle show?

00:16:06.000 No, he didn't.

00:16:06.000 He must have.

00:16:07.000 No, he didn't.

00:16:08.000 Well, he walked away from a big chunk of money, right?

00:16:11.000 And that thing that he walked away from...

00:16:14.000 I was dealing with the same people at Comedy Central at the time, because that's when Stan Hope and I were doing...

00:16:18.000 The Man Show?

00:16:19.000 The Man Show.

00:16:20.000 And it was rough.

00:16:21.000 There was a bunch of people that were not comedians, and they were not creative, but they wanted to put all this creative input into the show, particularly because they had the chance to put their greasy little fingers all over it because Adam and Jimmy had left, and then they're like, okay,

00:16:37.000 now we're going to mold this into what we want.

00:16:39.000 And they gave us...

00:16:41.000 It was the bait and switch.

00:16:42.000 They told us, do whatever you want.

00:16:44.000 Swear, we'll beep it out.

00:16:46.000 Show nudity, we'll blur it out.

00:16:47.000 Go wild.

00:16:48.000 We want to get in trouble.

00:16:50.000 They were like, if we get sued, it'd be great for the show.

00:16:52.000 And Stanhope and I were like, let's party!

00:16:55.000 Wrong two guys to say that to.

00:16:57.000 And then they got fearful of it.

00:16:59.000 Very.

00:16:59.000 Well, here was one of them.

00:17:01.000 There was a time, and I think this is available.

00:17:04.000 We wound up using this, actually, and it actually wound up being a part of the promo.

00:17:06.000 There was a time where we were doing these intros, and I said, I want the intro to be when the doors bust open, Joey Diaz comes out, balls naked in a pair of Timberlands with a baseball hat on, and he yells out, let's get this party started!

00:17:23.000 And he starts dancing, and he goes, Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope, and he introduces us, and one of the ladies that was an executive was literally in tears.

00:17:33.000 She goes, how is that funny?

00:17:35.000 Oh, not tears laughing.

00:17:37.000 When we were explaining, this is what I want to do, she goes, how is that man show?

00:17:41.000 How is that funny?

00:17:42.000 I go, how is it not funny?

00:17:44.000 Like, what are you talking about?

00:17:45.000 This is Joey Diaz.

00:17:47.000 He's a human cartoon.

00:17:49.000 But they were so opposed to him and so opposed to him being on the show and introducing us naked.

00:17:56.000 So I said, let's do two different ways.

00:17:59.000 We'll do it the normal way first, and then we'll do it my way.

00:18:02.000 So we filmed two.

00:18:04.000 Here it is, right here. 0.99

00:18:05.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:18:07.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

00:18:08.000 So we do it the normal way.

00:18:10.000 It was great.

00:18:11.000 You know, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rogan does stand up.

00:18:13.000 And then we do the second one.

00:18:13.000 Great.

00:18:14.000 People are literally falling out of their chairs, screaming.

00:18:18.000 Joey's dancing.

00:18:19.000 And I turn to her and I go like this.

00:18:21.000 See?

00:18:21.000 She stormed off.

00:18:22.000 I was going to say, she's pissed off.

00:18:23.000 But she stormed off. 1.00

00:18:25.000 It's amazing.

00:18:27.000 In my experience...

00:18:29.000 Oh my god.

00:18:29.000 It is.

00:18:31.000 Hold on.

00:18:32.000 Hold on.

00:18:33.000 Start it from the beginning and give me some volume. 0.99

00:18:35.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:18:38.000 Hey, watch this. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Jesus Christ!

00:18:47.000 Look at him!

00:18:49.000 Okay.

00:18:51.000 Anyway, so...

00:18:53.000 But anytime talent is arguing about what is and isn't funny, you're already in trouble.

00:19:01.000 Well, yeah, you gotta leave people alone.

00:19:03.000 You gotta let the funny people trust their instincts.

00:19:06.000 Well, not even just...

00:19:09.000 This podcast I would have never been able to do if I had to talk to executives.

00:19:12.000 I would have never been able to interview the more controversial people.

00:19:17.000 I would have never been able to do 60% of it stoned out of my mind, literally not knowing what I'm saying while I'm saying it.

00:19:23.000 They would have never allowed it.

00:19:25.000 But that's what made it work, because it was so unproduced.

00:19:30.000 Everybody always told me everything has to be under three minutes when the internet came out, right?

00:19:35.000 It was like, you better do under three minutes.

00:19:37.000 It was like, and then if you've listened to all that, that's what's so funny about this.

00:19:40.000 You know, I look at some of your episodes, like three and a half hours, and I'm like, this is fun.

00:19:45.000 And Hamilton was talking about it when he was on, too.

00:19:47.000 That long form, now people are gravitating towards these long conversations.

00:19:52.000 There's nuance, there's subtlety, because we're getting so angry at everything just being 40 words, headline, da-da-da-da-da-da, click, click, click.

00:19:59.000 So what do we take from that?

00:20:03.000 To just trust our own instincts and follow what we want to do?

00:20:06.000 Yeah, you have to trust your own instincts.

00:20:08.000 Yeah.

00:20:09.000 Also, there was no idea of this being profitable when I started doing it.

00:20:15.000 When I first started doing it, I just did it because it was fun.

00:20:17.000 Because I like doing morning radio sometimes.

00:20:19.000 And I was like, why don't I just do an internet version of morning radio? 0.97

00:20:22.000 I'm like, no one's going to give me a fucking radio show ever. 0.55

00:20:25.000 And I actually had some conversations with Sirius and some other people about doing something. 0.98

00:20:30.000 But I was like...

00:20:31.000 This is going to be too many greasy fingers.

00:20:33.000 So let me just do this with my friends and just have fun.

00:20:36.000 Because that's all I need out of it.

00:20:37.000 Just have fun.

00:20:39.000 And Ari was one of the first people like, you've got to edit it.

00:20:41.000 He was like, you have to edit it.

00:20:42.000 No one wants to listen to that.

00:20:44.000 I go, I'm not editing it.

00:20:45.000 And I ride him into the ground about this today.

00:20:47.000 He's like, you've got to make it under an hour.

00:20:49.000 I go, no I don't.

00:20:50.000 He goes, well they're not going to listen.

00:20:51.000 I go, they don't have to listen. 1.00

00:20:52.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:20:53.000 Listener, don't listen. 1.00

00:20:54.000 You have to just trust your instincts.

00:20:56.000 And just do what you enjoy doing.

00:20:57.000 But don't do it You don't plan like, oh, if I do this, it'll be more profitable or more successful.

00:21:06.000 Just do what you want to do.

00:21:08.000 But that's...

00:21:09.000 What you just said is a trap I fall into, and I think maybe other comics do.

00:21:15.000 I will sometimes...

00:21:17.000 Think, well, this would be good for this down the line.

00:21:21.000 But really, I'm repeating what you said just so I can make sure I absorb it.

00:21:27.000 What gets me excited?

00:21:29.000 Why did I get into comedy?

00:21:32.000 And if I can follow that, that passion and enthusiasm will translate to whatever projects I do, right?

00:21:37.000 100%.

00:21:38.000 That's it.

00:21:38.000 Okay, we solved it.

00:21:40.000 People get...

00:21:42.000 Enthusiastic about things you're enthusiastic about.

00:21:44.000 Right.

00:21:44.000 It's contagious.

00:21:45.000 Right.

00:21:45.000 So if you, like, you used to be a professional tennis player.

00:21:47.000 Right.

00:21:48.000 If you just did a podcast on tennis, people who are not interested in playing tennis would listen to your podcast.

00:21:55.000 I have it.

00:21:56.000 It's called Tennis Anyone Podcast.

00:21:57.000 Do you?

00:21:58.000 Yeah, but it's okay.

00:22:00.000 It's perfect.

00:22:01.000 It's perfect.

00:22:01.000 Perfect plug.

00:22:02.000 Half the time we go tennis, half the time it's other stuff.

00:22:05.000 But people chime in, this is proving your point, all the time.

00:22:08.000 Like, I don't even know what tennis is.

00:22:10.000 I don't even know how to keep score. 0.96

00:22:11.000 I'm enjoying listening to this, because I'm, like, fucking amped about it. 0.97

00:22:14.000 Right. 0.98

00:22:15.000 You know?

00:22:16.000 But I have to constantly learn the hard way.

00:22:20.000 Just, Michael, follow your passion and trust your instincts.

00:22:23.000 And...

00:22:24.000 It seems to work.

00:22:25.000 It's a trap, right?

00:22:26.000 The trap of not doing that is the trap of you get enticed by the industry.

00:22:26.000 Yeah.

00:22:32.000 You start thinking about, maybe I can sell this show.

00:22:32.000 Yeah.

00:22:35.000 And then you bring it into a network.

00:22:37.000 And they go, well, tell us what's going on.

00:22:39.000 What's the project?

00:22:40.000 What are you working on?

00:22:41.000 And you say this.

00:22:42.000 And they go, why don't you do this?

00:22:43.000 Michael, okay, what if I have a female co-host? 0.93

00:22:46.000 A black transgender woman... 1.00

00:22:49.000 Who only speaks Chinese. 1.00

00:22:51.000 There's going to be some fucking nonsensical interjection. 0.99

00:22:56.000 And you're going to think, well, I want to sell it. 0.99

00:23:00.000 So, you know, I met with the black transgender woman and she's really cool.

00:23:05.000 Nothing against her.

00:23:07.000 She is a great piece of talent.

00:23:08.000 But now you're out.

00:23:10.000 And then, Michael, the show's great, but it's not great with you.

00:23:14.000 And we're going to bring in another person to...

00:23:18.000 I forget one year in Montreal, Louis Black gave the introduction speech, and he told the story of when he was removed from his own sitcom.

00:23:26.000 And I forget the whole thing, and I'm sure it's up somewhere.

00:23:30.000 But yeah, he got the development deal, and they actually were shooting it.

00:23:34.000 Most people just get a development deal, and that's it.

00:23:37.000 And he got fired, and they hired someone else to play Louis Black.

00:23:41.000 I mean, it's Louis Black.

00:23:42.000 He was fired off of Louis Black.

00:23:43.000 Oh, my God.

00:23:45.000 I've pitched all types of stuff, and oftentimes, I'm hosting it, of course.

00:23:48.000 That's why I'm in the room.

00:23:50.000 Oftentimes, there will be an inevitable question that will either come through the manager or back channels, which is like, would Michael feel comfortable stepping off this?

00:23:58.000 It's like all the time.

00:24:00.000 And you start to question if maybe I should step off it. 1.00

00:24:05.000 And it's like, no, fuck, believe in it. 1.00

00:24:06.000 Believe in yourself to pull this off. 1.00

00:24:08.000 Maybe now isn't the right time, but...

00:24:10.000 There's also a thing where we're talking about people like to interject in conversations because they want to be heard and they want to talk.

00:24:15.000 There's a thing that happens in a meeting when you have a bunch of executives like that.

00:24:20.000 Someone has another idea.

00:24:21.000 And that idea might not even make sense.

00:24:23.000 But if that guy's like the president of the network, he might try to shove that idea down everybody's throats.

00:24:28.000 Like, Michael's great, okay?

00:24:29.000 But we want Michael in a television in the background and the other host in front.

00:24:34.000 And every now and then they call on Michael and everybody's got to go, hmm.

00:24:38.000 I wonder.

00:24:39.000 Like, it's a terrible idea.

00:24:40.000 It's a terrible idea.

00:24:40.000 But everybody else has to chime in.

00:24:42.000 I've been in the room with those fucking terrible ideas. 0.99

00:24:44.000 I've seen it. 1.00

00:24:45.000 So are you just out of those dumb meetings right now? 0.99

00:24:49.000 I mean, because of Texas and because of the status? 0.99

00:24:52.000 You don't have to fucking go pitch the head of a network, right? 0.97

00:24:55.000 That's great. 0.99

00:24:55.000 No, I'm done. 0.99

00:24:56.000 I've been done for years.

00:24:56.000 Yeah, okay.

00:24:57.000 Yeah, I've been done for years.

00:24:58.000 So what happened with this then?

00:25:00.000 So who won the argument here?

00:25:01.000 Oh, that made it on TV. Okay, so you won, but then you won the battle.

00:25:05.000 It was one of those things where...

00:25:08.000 We were doing this all the time.

00:25:10.000 We had a game show called Make Me Hard.

00:25:14.000 This was the game show.

00:25:15.000 We had a box that you put over a guy's genitals and had a red light on it. 0.98

00:25:21.000 And the light would go off whenever he got a boner. 0.97

00:25:23.000 So we would have stuff like... 0.84

00:25:25.000 We had midgets eating bananas and all kinds of crazy stuff. 0.94

00:25:31.000 A light would go off if they got a boner. 0.98

00:25:33.000 If they got a boner. 0.90

00:25:34.000 It was fake.

00:25:35.000 We just pressed a button to make the light go off.

00:25:39.000 We had a transgender woman who is beautiful. 1.00

00:25:47.000 She's fucking beautiful. 1.00

00:25:48.000 And she climbed on top of this guy, pulled out her breasts, and put whipped cream on her breasts, and he was sucking off the whipped cream. 1.00

00:25:56.000 It was crazy. 1.00

00:25:57.000 And then pulled down her pants and showed her cock. 1.00

00:26:02.000 And they were fine with that. 1.00

00:26:04.000 But what they didn't like is the word hard.

00:26:06.000 They felt like the word hard is just rude, and they didn't like it.

00:26:09.000 So they made us change it to make me stiff.

00:26:13.000 So I was like, but stiff is, that's more offensive than hard.

00:26:17.000 It's grosser than hard.

00:26:18.000 It's stiff.

00:26:19.000 Like, make me hard is bad.

00:26:19.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 But it's that kind of arbitrary, nonsensical input that you have to give in to.

00:26:26.000 You have to give in...

00:26:26.000 Because they're the exact...

00:26:27.000 And also, no one says, make me stiff.

00:26:30.000 Make me hard, people say.

00:26:32.000 The old sign, make me hard, was in the background of episode one of the podcast that I did.

00:26:39.000 I had it behind me and Brian while we were talking.

00:26:42.000 There was a make me hard sign behind me.

00:26:44.000 Because I got to keep it.

00:26:46.000 They wouldn't use it. 1.00

00:26:47.000 But the fact that they're okay with this person pulling their dick out, that's fine. 0.99

00:26:51.000 Yeah, but not the terminology. 0.99

00:26:53.000 Or they want to feel that they had input.

00:26:55.000 That's all it is.

00:26:56.000 That's all it is.

00:26:57.000 There's too many cooks in the kitchen. 1.00

00:26:58.000 There's too many people that want to be heard, and they don't need to be heard.

00:27:01.000 They don't have the confidence to sit back and go, we love it.

00:27:04.000 This is great.

00:27:05.000 Because they have to have an input.

00:27:07.000 And this is the problem with the whole studio and network environment.

00:27:10.000 And for the longest time, you had to listen to them.

00:27:12.000 Because you needed financing.

00:27:13.000 You needed a place to go.

00:27:15.000 You needed the union to be there with the cameras and everything.

00:27:18.000 But you don't need that anymore.

00:27:19.000 Especially if you want to do this.

00:27:21.000 And this is my favorite thing to do.

00:27:22.000 Other than stand-up.

00:27:23.000 So why am I having meetings?

00:27:26.000 To be yelled at?

00:27:27.000 Yeah, I mean...

00:27:30.000 The internet has made...

00:27:31.000 GarageBand has made a lot of people be able to upload their music.

00:27:35.000 It also means there's a lot more shittier music that's uploaded.

00:27:38.000 This includes comedy.

00:27:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:40.000 I mean, I think about...

00:27:41.000 I see comics now starting, maybe not this year starting, although there are some people who started.

00:27:45.000 As soon as they get their first tape...

00:27:51.000 We're good to go.

00:28:03.000 So, I had five years, probably, where you could really put something on the internet, and I had five years to get better without people seeing that.

00:28:10.000 And it was helpful.

00:28:11.000 Yeah, I had a long time. 0.99

00:28:12.000 You had a long fucking time. 0.97

00:28:13.000 I started in 88, so I had a long time. 0.99

00:28:16.000 But there's still videos of me when I was terrible.

00:28:19.000 Yeah, sure.

00:28:19.000 You can find them.

00:28:20.000 And I encourage people to look at those because if you're thinking about doing stand-up and you think like, oh, you look at a person that's successful and they're touring and everything.

00:28:20.000 Yeah.

00:28:28.000 No, no, no.

00:28:29.000 Go back to the early days. 0.99

00:28:30.000 It's a fucking wild grind. 0.94

00:28:32.000 Like what you're talking about when you're talking about developing a new bit and doing it in front of a large crowd that's there to see you and they paid money, how nerve-wracking that is because it's a new bit and a lot of times new bits bomb. 0.98

00:28:42.000 Yep.

00:28:43.000 Add that times 100, that's your whole act, right?

00:28:45.000 Times 100 is like developing an act when you don't know what you're doing even.

00:28:50.000 I mean, you don't even have skill yet.

00:28:51.000 You don't know cadence.

00:28:53.000 You don't know rhythm.

00:28:54.000 You don't know the right way to introduce an idea to people.

00:28:57.000 You just have some random thoughts of what might be funny and might not be, and it's this long...

00:29:03.000 Brutal trudge through broken glass and snow and hail.

00:29:09.000 And you've got to persevere.

00:29:11.000 You've got to keep going.

00:29:12.000 And the bombings are so ruthlessly degrading your self-esteem, who you are.

00:29:22.000 It's...

00:29:26.000 Musicians can bomb, but there's still noise in the room. 1.00

00:29:31.000 We've all been to a shitty bar in Asheville, and this guy sucks at fucking the guitar. 1.00

00:29:35.000 But there's noise! 1.00

00:29:37.000 There is noise to distract. 0.99

00:29:39.000 And when we bomb, it sucks. 0.98

00:29:42.000 It's the sucking of the noise. 0.95

00:29:44.000 And oftentimes...

00:29:45.000 Oh, man.

00:29:45.000 Sweat.

00:29:46.000 Everyone's talking about flop sweat.

00:29:47.000 But I remember starting out not being comfortable with silence.

00:29:50.000 Doesn't mean you were bombing.

00:29:52.000 Now I watch better comics...

00:29:55.000 More experienced comics, silence is fine, as long as they're in control of that silence.

00:29:59.000 And I remember as a new comic, silence was like the death for me.

00:30:02.000 And as I've gotten more comfortable on stage, hey, it's good.

00:30:05.000 You got them silent.

00:30:06.000 It's good.

00:30:07.000 Well, don't you think it's like tennis in a way?

00:30:09.000 The first time you ever picked up a tennis racket, I imagine you were very young, right?

00:30:13.000 Very young, yeah. 0.98

00:30:14.000 Any skill, when you first learn it, you don't know what the fuck to do. 0.98

00:30:17.000 Your feet don't move right. 0.87

00:30:19.000 Your arm doesn't swing right.

00:30:21.000 I'm sure your swing isn't smooth.

00:30:21.000 Your...

00:30:24.000 It's just like anything else.

00:30:26.000 It takes repetition and concentration and focus and discipline, and you've got to keep grinding over and over and over again.

00:30:33.000 And then you get okay, good, and you go play a competitive tournament, and you lose 6-0, 6-0.

00:30:39.000 I mean, there's a wonderful interview of Roger Federer talking about his first tournament, 6-0, 6-0, lost.

00:30:45.000 I mean, the greatest tennis player of all time is admitting publicly, and he's not ashamed of it, he shouldn't be, Oh yeah, he goes, but then I took something from that.

00:30:53.000 I learned from that.

00:30:54.000 And I've also taught tennis forever, but one of the most common mistakes people make when you teach them tennis is they run to where the ball bounces, right?

00:31:04.000 You're not going to hit the ball there.

00:31:05.000 The ball bounces and then you should be further back.

00:31:08.000 But the biggest mistake everyone makes is they run directly to the ball.

00:31:10.000 It sounds funny, but in every sport you should be more or less where the ball bounces.

00:31:13.000 We're good to go.

00:31:21.000 We're good to go.

00:31:31.000 Yeah.

00:31:53.000 I use you as an example of people that were successful in other things and understand discipline better than most stand-ups.

00:32:00.000 Because one of the things that does trouble stand-ups is that discipline.

00:32:04.000 They like doing it, they enjoy doing stand-up, but a lot of times they wind up doing the same material over and over again because it's safe. 0.85

00:32:12.000 And because they don't have the discipline to like, oh no, no, today we're doing 10 minutes of new shit, get up there, do it, write, grind, keep going.

00:32:19.000 And people that have a work ethic and an understanding of discipline from something else, like it transfers better into stand-up. 0.97

00:32:29.000 Yeah, it does.

00:32:30.000 But the ego is strong. 1.00

00:32:31.000 And sometimes I'll have 10 minutes I want to do that's new and you get up there and it's like, oh shit, this sucks. 0.99

00:32:36.000 And you find yourself doing a bit that's four years old and I know does well. 0.99

00:32:42.000 I just don't see the negative of teaching kids...

00:32:46.000 A sport.

00:32:47.000 Now, if the kid doesn't like the sport, you're pushing him into something they don't like.

00:32:51.000 But I just had so much value came from...

00:32:56.000 For me, it was tennis because my family was a tennis family.

00:33:00.000 So that's the sport that I was thrown into.

00:33:02.000 And we lived in Michigan where there was courts.

00:33:04.000 It's not like...

00:33:05.000 Now I live in Brooklyn.

00:33:06.000 There's like one court for 8 million people.

00:33:08.000 But you just learn so much.

00:33:11.000 Problem-solving.

00:33:14.000 That's a big thing.

00:33:14.000 Disappointment?

00:33:16.000 How to handle it?

00:33:17.000 It's not the end of the world.

00:33:18.000 It feels like it is.

00:33:19.000 But I just say put kids in sports.

00:33:22.000 And also we're talking now about public health.

00:33:26.000 I mean, we have a public health crisis in the United States.

00:33:28.000 Maybe we should be more active.

00:33:30.000 Yeah.

00:33:30.000 Well, you know, you don't want to blame people that are the victims of a disease, right?

00:33:35.000 But the victims of the disease generally are people with health problems.

00:33:42.000 2.6...

00:33:43.000 Yeah, no.

00:33:45.000 2...

00:33:46.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

00:33:48.000 2.6 comorbidity factors is the average of the people that have died from COVID. Yeah.

00:33:54.000 What does that mean?

00:33:55.000 The amount of people that had COVID, only 6% of the people who died from COVID had COVID. Oh, right.

00:34:02.000 Just COVID. Okay.

00:34:03.000 Only COVID. The rest of the people that died had an average of two and a half, basically, comorbidity factors.

00:34:14.000 So they had diabetes, they had this, they had that, they had lung disease.

00:34:19.000 I mean, we have a real public health crisis.

00:34:23.000 Right.

00:34:23.000 It's a public health crisis added with capitalism.

00:34:28.000 And that is causing some serious issues because this is a capitalistic country.

00:34:33.000 We value the dollar.

00:34:35.000 We value business being open.

00:34:36.000 I'm so impressed with how businesses have adapted and Comics have adapted through social media, learning new...

00:34:44.000 I, weirdly, may get in trouble for this, but I have a newfound appreciation for capitalism. 0.94

00:34:50.000 I see these small businesses in Brooklyn, and they're building outdoor heaters and planters, and I'm like, whoa, this is fucking awesome.

00:34:57.000 This is what capitalism is driving.

00:34:59.000 Now, also that love of capitalism is our making people say, we can't shut the government, we can't shut things down.

00:35:04.000 And you mix that with public health...

00:35:08.000 I hope the end is near.

00:35:09.000 I hope it's near.

00:35:10.000 I'll take the vaccine.

00:35:12.000 The light at the end of the tunnel.

00:35:13.000 I think I said 2.6%.

00:35:13.000 Yeah.

00:35:15.000 I think what I meant is 2.6.

00:35:17.000 Okay.

00:35:18.000 2.6 factors. 1.00

00:35:19.000 What you're trying to say is people are dying from other shit. 0.99

00:35:21.000 They're dying from a bunch of different things on top of having COVID. Yeah. 0.99

00:35:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:35:25.000 Yeah.

00:35:26.000 I think that...

00:35:29.000 The real problem is these folks that are telling everyone what they can and can't do, and it's not necessarily based on data.

00:35:38.000 It's based on they have to figure out how to do something.

00:35:42.000 So like in Los Angeles, they're saying we've got to ban outdoor dining.

00:35:45.000 Right.

00:35:46.000 Well, there's no data that shows that there's an extreme risk of transmission from outdoor dining.

00:35:50.000 And you have these people that have spent thousands of dollars setting up this outdoor dining area.

00:35:56.000 Did you see the video of the woman from the restaurant?

00:35:59.000 And then across the street from her, she gets closed down.

00:36:01.000 And literally across the parking lot, a movie studio has set up their outdoor dining.

00:36:05.000 And they're fine because of the unions that pay the politicians.

00:36:11.000 It's insanity.

00:36:12.000 And that woman, you know... 1.00

00:36:15.000 That's not P.F. Chang's.

00:36:17.000 That's this one woman. 0.94

00:36:18.000 Yeah, it's her savings account.

00:36:23.000 I've just kept in touch with a lot of the New York comedy clubs during this time because these are my friends and their business.

00:36:29.000 And I say, jokingly, you have any savings left?

00:36:33.000 And they're going, no.

00:36:35.000 First of all, what savings?

00:36:36.000 We live in New York. 0.99

00:36:37.000 No one has any fucking savings. 0.98

00:36:40.000 How are the comics getting by if they're not working? 0.98

00:36:43.000 Some are doing Zoom shows for $20, and there's a few outdoor shows.

00:36:49.000 I don't know.

00:36:50.000 I have this insane protective bubble right now because The Daily Show has continued.

00:36:57.000 And so I'm receiving, thankfully, a TV paycheck.

00:37:02.000 And I'm a stand-up comic, but I'm not performing because I think it's too dangerous to perform where I live.

00:37:08.000 I think we're going to lose some comics. 0.98

00:37:10.000 How the fuck could you possibly stay afloat right now? 0.95

00:37:13.000 Well, I mean, just because they go and get a job. 0.98

00:37:17.000 But here's the other thing.

00:37:18.000 What job?

00:37:19.000 What's available?

00:37:20.000 What are you going to go to?

00:37:20.000 Right.

00:37:21.000 Where?

00:37:21.000 Wait tables?

00:37:22.000 Well, it's like 30% unemployment out there.

00:37:24.000 It's really crazy.

00:37:25.000 I mean, I don't know what jobs are even possible.

00:37:28.000 It's a grind, man, but what you said really holds true, that the people that are creative that find solutions to keep their businesses afloat.

00:37:36.000 And I think a lot of these comics are going to have to find solutions.

00:37:39.000 I mean, some of them have done a brilliant job, like Andrew Schultz.

00:37:42.000 What he's done is figured it out.

00:37:44.000 He came up with these bits to do on Instagram, these 15-minute rants.

00:37:50.000 He had already had a studio.

00:37:52.000 He had everything set up before COVID hit. 0.99

00:37:54.000 He's like, fuck, what do I do? 0.99

00:37:56.000 Well, we go to work. 1.00

00:37:57.000 We go to work and figure out how to make this happen.

00:37:59.000 He sold a show during quarantine that he created during quarantine.

00:38:03.000 And what's really hilarious is he talked about it at the beginning of quarantine.

00:38:08.000 This is a time to create.

00:38:10.000 Go to work.

00:38:10.000 Buckle down.

00:38:11.000 And now, look, he sold this four-episode series to Netflix.

00:38:15.000 And it's brilliant.

00:38:16.000 I mean, it's really, really good.

00:38:19.000 I think that's a great example of adapting to the times.

00:38:24.000 Also, some people needed to maybe chill for a sec, have dinner with their family, whatever the case may be.

00:38:29.000 But I don't know how it was in China.

00:38:32.000 In Wuhan, were all the businesses doing the same thing?

00:38:35.000 Were they building little heaters and potted plants so you could have outdoor dining?

00:38:39.000 Or was this a capitalistic thing? 0.99

00:38:42.000 I think the government shut them the fuck down. 0.51

00:38:44.000 I mean, they were bolting people inside their houses. 0.99

00:38:46.000 With, like, the evidence tape across the door and shit. 0.98

00:38:49.000 Yeah, it's not good. 0.99

00:38:50.000 I mean, the way they handled it is scary.

00:38:52.000 I don't think we should handle it the way they handled it, but even that didn't necessarily work.

00:38:56.000 I mean, didn't they have a...

00:38:57.000 We're good to go.

00:39:20.000 In terms of the strictness of their lockdowns, more than anybody, right?

00:39:24.000 They were stricter than anybody.

00:39:26.000 They have the most cases now.

00:39:28.000 I know, you were saying that, and it seems like it affects everybody differently. 1.00

00:39:28.000 They're fucked. 1.00

00:39:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:33.000 You ask a doctor a question...

00:39:35.000 You know, they don't know the answer.

00:39:38.000 Isn't our human brain trying to find patterns so we can go, okay, that's what this sickness is, but this thing seems to be all over the place?

00:39:45.000 Yeah, it doesn't have good patterns.

00:39:46.000 And it affects people very differently in terms of what it does to them.

00:39:49.000 Some people, it's like a sinus infection.

00:39:51.000 Some people, it really knocks them for a loop.

00:39:54.000 Some people don't recover and they die.

00:39:57.000 There's no pattern that makes sense.

00:39:59.000 Yeah.

00:40:00.000 We understand the flu is dangerous.

00:40:03.000 It really does.

00:40:03.000 It kills people.

00:40:04.000 But we also understand what to do.

00:40:06.000 Get a flu shot.

00:40:08.000 Boost your immune system.

00:40:10.000 Here's some medication you can take.

00:40:12.000 With this, this is so new and so scary.

00:40:16.000 That no one knows what to do.

00:40:17.000 I tried to find comfort in reading about the pandemic of 1918, the Spanish flu, because that was supposedly two years.

00:40:25.000 And I was like, okay, well, how did we get through that?

00:40:28.000 Did the economy recover?

00:40:29.000 You know, I was trying to, like, use history as a way to predict the future.

00:40:32.000 But when you read about it, at least the Wikipedia page of the pandemic of 1918, we never really fixed it.

00:40:39.000 It, like...

00:40:41.000 Possibly is still around, that virus.

00:40:44.000 And I thought, oh, maybe a vaccine fixed it.

00:40:45.000 No, it didn't. 0.99

00:40:46.000 I don't know what the fuck happened to the Spanish flu. 0.99

00:40:48.000 Was it herd immunity? 0.99

00:40:50.000 I don't know.

00:40:51.000 Probably.

00:40:53.000 Jamie will find it.

00:40:54.000 It's estimated that that's killed like 50 million people.

00:40:58.000 Yeah.

00:40:59.000 So, I hope 100 years later, we're better at this stuff.

00:41:04.000 Never really ended.

00:41:05.000 After affecting millions of people worldwide, the 1918 flu strain shifted and then stuck around.

00:41:11.000 Oh, great.

00:41:14.000 Well, there's a new version.

00:41:15.000 That's December 11th.

00:41:16.000 It's a software update.

00:41:17.000 There's a new version of COVID that's hit London now.

00:41:21.000 It's 70% more transmittable.

00:41:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:24.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:41:25.000 Fun times. 1.00

00:41:26.000 What we know and what we don't about the UK coronavirus variant.

00:41:30.000 And they think there might have been a similar variant or the same variant in Brazil a few months ago.

00:41:36.000 Crazy.

00:41:36.000 Not good.

00:41:37.000 So do we live in fear?

00:41:39.000 Yes. 0.97

00:41:41.000 We just shit our pants and hide. 1.00

00:41:43.000 Or you fucking take care of your immune system and you allow people to open up businesses. 1.00

00:41:48.000 Here's the thing. 0.99

00:41:48.000 These people that are making these decisions for us, like the mayor of LA and the governor of California, which is the worst examples. 0.99

00:41:56.000 They are not experts in the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do because what they've done has worked terribly.

00:42:04.000 It's been the worst response.

00:42:05.000 And I don't think you can do something and not have a consideration for the consequences, the negative consequences of what you're doing.

00:42:14.000 Like telling people they can't work and shut down their businesses.

00:42:17.000 When the economy collapses because all these things are shut down, And yet you still don't have a significant decrease in the cases.

00:42:26.000 What you're showing is you have this one idea, you're sticking with it, and there's no indication that you have any respect for the negative consequences.

00:42:36.000 Not only that, you don't have a plan.

00:42:38.000 How are you going to bring everybody back up?

00:42:39.000 How are you going to bring back these restaurants?

00:42:41.000 What are you going to do about these comedy clubs that are dead?

00:42:43.000 What are you going to do about these bars that are going under?

00:42:45.000 What are you going to do about these mom-and-pop shops that are never going to be around anymore? 0.99

00:42:48.000 I don't know how it is in your life but in my life numerous friends of mine in what appeared to be healthy strong relationships They're fucking toast. 0.99

00:43:01.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:43:01.000 Like, pandemic has divorced a lot of people. 0.96

00:43:04.000 Yeah.

00:43:05.000 Domestic violence is up.

00:43:07.000 Suicide's up.

00:43:08.000 Suicides are up.

00:43:09.000 So there is a different consequence to all this.

00:43:12.000 Now, I also find it entertaining that we elect these officials, and then now they have to be in charge of a health crisis.

00:43:19.000 I would much rather we elect them off of popularity or whatever it is, and then when a health crisis strikes, we have a health minister who kind of comes in and just, like, The problem with these health ministers is in a situation like this, they don't even take into account the economic consequences.

00:43:37.000 And that the economic consequences are also going to bring with them suicide, drug addiction, domestic violence, child abuse.

00:43:44.000 All those things are going to happen.

00:43:46.000 And they don't take into account that.

00:43:48.000 They take into account the health consequences.

00:43:50.000 And here's the other thing.

00:43:52.000 These governors and these mayors that shut everything down still get paid.

00:43:56.000 That's a real problem.

00:43:58.000 They are not incentivized to keep businesses open.

00:44:01.000 If they were the CEO of a company where the more money the company makes, the more money they make, they would be incentivized to make sure these businesses stay open and these people can keep paying taxes. 0.98

00:44:16.000 These fucks keep getting paid no matter what happens. 1.00

00:44:19.000 But they have a term limit. 1.00

00:44:21.000 They do.

00:44:22.000 By the time Newsome gets out, he will have destroyed that state.

00:44:28.000 And also destroyed people's faith in government.

00:44:31.000 Because people are so frustrated with him.

00:44:33.000 And then you see him at that French laundry place, sitting around maskless, right next to people, indoors.

00:44:39.000 Oh, it was outdoor dining. 1.00

00:44:40.000 Bitch, there's a chandelier above your fucking head. 1.00

00:44:42.000 Not stars. 1.00

00:44:43.000 There's not stars above your head.

00:44:45.000 There's walls.

00:44:46.000 Yeah, there's walls.

00:44:47.000 That's indoors. 1.00

00:44:48.000 I don't want to hear your bullshit. 1.00

00:44:49.000 You are a hypocrite. 1.00

00:44:51.000 And this is nonsense. 1.00

00:44:53.000 You should not be getting paid.

00:44:54.000 If you let your economy collapse due to these decisions that are not based on science, like particularly outdoor dining, that's not based on science.

00:45:02.000 There's no data.

00:45:03.000 They can't show we have overwhelming data that 50% of the transmissions are due to people eating outside.

00:45:09.000 That's not the case.

00:45:10.000 So we are fortunate in LA that you have very good weather. 0.94

00:45:14.000 So keep the fucking restaurants open that can open outside, help them, accommodate them, give them some sort of a bridge to let them get through this so that on the other side, after the vaccines and after herd immunity or whatever happens, these people will still have businesses. 0.94

00:45:30.000 In LA, were they letting people set up out on the streets? 0.98

00:45:34.000 Yes.

00:45:35.000 Okay, that's good.

00:45:36.000 They did it in a lot of places.

00:45:37.000 Venice was really good at it.

00:45:37.000 Okay, I noticed...

00:45:38.000 Okay, I noticed that here, but I feel like that here is always the case.

00:45:42.000 Here you could go inside.

00:45:44.000 Right. 1.00

00:45:44.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:45:45.000 In New York, I mean... 1.00

00:45:48.000 You were able to go on the street, but the problem is everybody's such a dumbass there. 0.99

00:45:52.000 I was afraid to eat on the street because the car's driving by. 0.99

00:45:55.000 Everybody's texting and drunk.

00:45:56.000 They're going to plow into people, dude.

00:45:58.000 Sure.

00:45:59.000 I mean, I'm like terrified.

00:46:00.000 I'm like eating like, is that a car?

00:46:01.000 Is that a motorcycle?

00:46:02.000 Yeah.

00:46:02.000 How about when the snow comes and then people start sliding sideways?

00:46:05.000 Plow into a fucking cafe. 1.00

00:46:07.000 And there's no heaters. 1.00

00:46:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:09.000 You know, there's an example of a restaurant owner who said, I'm now more of a outdoor general contractor than a restaurant owner because all I spend my time doing is finding propane for the heaters, asking someone to build potted plants.

00:46:25.000 We need more reflective lights on the outside. 0.99

00:46:27.000 This is like general contractor shit. 0.99

00:46:29.000 Meanwhile, not like, is the shrimp cooked or whatever? 1.00

00:46:31.000 Do we have shrimp?

00:46:32.000 And I was like, you got to adapt so hard in New York.

00:46:35.000 So quickly.

00:46:36.000 So anyways.

00:46:37.000 Yeah, it's not good.

00:46:38.000 It's not good.

00:46:39.000 But some will adapt and hopefully...

00:46:39.000 It's not good.

00:46:43.000 I just don't understand how businesses bounce back because they've never had to before.

00:46:47.000 And so many of these businesses are 30 years old.

00:46:50.000 Their parents opened this restaurant.

00:46:52.000 Now the sons are running it.

00:46:54.000 You know, there's a restaurant in Vegas called Gaetano's.

00:46:59.000 It's in Henderson, Nevada.

00:47:00.000 It's outside of Vegas.

00:47:00.000 And I used to go to the original restaurant that was in Calabasas.

00:47:06.000 And now the son runs it.

00:47:08.000 The father's passed on, and luckily I got to see him.

00:47:11.000 Before he passed on, I ate there a couple years back.

00:47:14.000 And now the son is running it.

00:47:16.000 And he's just doing all kinds of creative things to try to open it up and to try to have people.

00:47:22.000 They're reduced to 25% indoor capacity now.

00:47:26.000 They're selling a lot of to-go food and trying to help people out.

00:47:31.000 But this is a business that I've been going to them personally for 23 years.

00:47:37.000 You know, and now all of a sudden, they're right about, they're barely hanging on.

00:47:43.000 And they were a very successful business.

00:47:44.000 It's a great restaurant.

00:47:45.000 They were around for a long time. 1.00

00:47:47.000 But now they're fucked. 1.00

00:47:49.000 The plastic, all the to-go shit, too. 1.00

00:47:52.000 I mean, how much fucking more plastic are we using? 1.00

00:47:55.000 How many seals are going to choke to death? 0.99

00:47:56.000 I thought we were headed in the right direction on plastic.

00:48:00.000 Yeah.

00:48:00.000 New York banned the plastic bag.

00:48:03.000 And now it's like this...

00:48:04.000 I mean, everything is plastic.

00:48:06.000 Well, here's a solution for this.

00:48:07.000 It's never discussed, but it really should be.

00:48:09.000 There is biodegradable plastic that's made out of hemp.

00:48:13.000 I feel like you've had somebody like this on the show, probably.

00:48:16.000 For sure.

00:48:17.000 Well, I have.

00:48:17.000 And also I've had Boyan Slott, who is a gentleman that is, when he was 19, created a device for removing plastic from the ocean.

00:48:27.000 Is this that fucking floaty thing? 0.97

00:48:28.000 Yes. 0.98

00:48:29.000 I was like...

00:48:30.000 Like, all of humanity is hoping this works.

00:48:33.000 I think he tried it in the San Francisco Bay, maybe?

00:48:35.000 Well, no, he's doing it now.

00:48:37.000 He actually just sent me a message that he wants to send me a pair of sunglasses that are made out of the plastic that they pulled out of the ocean.

00:48:46.000 So they're not just taking this plastic.

00:48:47.000 I thought it was a pair of sunglasses he found in one of the oceans.

00:48:49.000 That'd be good too.

00:48:51.000 Recycle it.

00:48:52.000 But they're legitimately recycling.

00:48:53.000 So they're taking that plastic that was choking seals and they're reconstituting it and then making products.

00:48:59.000 And then the sales of that products will help fund this business to try to remove plastic from the ocean.

00:49:05.000 So it's actually a resource.

00:49:07.000 Now that he's figured out a way to extract the pollution.

00:49:11.000 There he is.

00:49:12.000 Beautiful person.

00:49:13.000 I love this guy.

00:49:14.000 And there's his...

00:49:14.000 Love him to death.

00:49:15.000 They're cool sunglasses.

00:49:16.000 Yeah, that's the thing.

00:49:17.000 So it's functional.

00:49:17.000 And look at all the plastic they're pulling out.

00:49:19.000 They're pulling out these big, huge chunks of plastic.

00:49:21.000 But, you know, you're dealing with something that's bigger than the state of Texas that's floating around in the middle of the ocean.

00:49:26.000 Is that true? 0.98

00:49:28.000 That trash, Guyer, or whatever they call it? 0.99

00:49:31.000 Because you Google image it. 0.99

00:49:32.000 I can never find it.

00:49:33.000 But supposedly there's this...

00:49:34.000 You know, there it is, maybe.

00:49:36.000 Well, here's the reason why you can't find it.

00:49:37.000 A lot of it is subsurface.

00:49:40.000 Some of it's 214,000 football fields.

00:49:40.000 Right.

00:49:44.000 Wow.

00:49:45.000 American football?

00:49:47.000 Ocean cleaning funded of our goal of 500,000.

00:49:51.000 This is...

00:49:52.000 Yeah, American football.

00:49:53.000 They're just talking about what he's been able to clean.

00:49:55.000 So 214,000 football fields worth of cleaning.

00:49:58.000 But it's the largest cleanup in history of the ocean.

00:50:03.000 And the...

00:50:05.000 The ocean, this garbage patch itself has been really well documented, but you're not really going to find it with Google Earth very well.

00:50:12.000 A lot of it breaks down and it gets very small and some of it's floating above the surface or just below the surface.

00:50:19.000 But where is this trash originating from?

00:50:22.000 Okay, and people are just dumping trash in the ocean?

00:50:22.000 All over the world.

00:50:25.000 Yes, a lot of people do.

00:50:26.000 And then a lot of it just accidentally gets there in the ocean.

00:50:29.000 Here's a perfect example.

00:50:30.000 When it rains in L.A., everything comes down the L.A. River, and the L.A. River is filled with trash, and it just goes right into the ocean. 0.99

00:50:38.000 The fucking L.A. River is the biggest, saddest story of humanity. 1.00

00:50:43.000 So disgusting! 1.00

00:50:44.000 I mean, they fucking... 1.00

00:50:47.000 Concreted it. 0.99

00:50:47.000 The whole thing. 0.99

00:50:48.000 In like 19-whatever it was.

00:50:50.000 I don't know.

00:50:50.000 Somebody died in a flood and they...

00:50:52.000 It is strange to me, the LA River. 0.99

00:50:54.000 It symbolizes how fucked up LA is. 0.99

00:50:58.000 Yes. 1.00

00:50:59.000 That that's the river. 0.99

00:51:00.000 The river is this concrete, shitty structure. 0.99

00:51:02.000 That's their solution. 0.91

00:51:03.000 You go to the river here and there's like paths and people biking.

00:51:06.000 And I'm like, oh, this is like an...

00:51:07.000 And it's like those bats.

00:51:08.000 It's like this is an active nature-drawn river.

00:51:12.000 And in the LA River, it's like...

00:51:12.000 Yeah.

00:51:14.000 We loved concrete, huh?

00:51:16.000 When concrete was invented, we just went ham on concrete, especially in LA. But this is unbelievable, and this is a solution, but obviously, initially, let's not throw this shit in the ocean in the first place. 0.99

00:51:28.000 Well, it's not just let's not throw it. 0.99

00:51:30.000 Things get washed in the ocean with the rain. 1.00

00:51:34.000 Assholes that throw their cigarettes out the window. 1.00

00:51:36.000 They still do that. 1.00

00:51:37.000 As if it's not littering either.

00:51:40.000 I have friends that I love to death that smoke.

00:51:43.000 And they smoke and they'll throw the cigarette on the ground and step on it.

00:51:46.000 As if it's gone now.

00:51:47.000 It's gone.

00:51:48.000 It's right there.

00:51:49.000 It's like the one thing that people don't have any problem littering with.

00:51:53.000 Yeah, it doesn't count as littering.

00:51:55.000 Are those things biodegradable, the filters?

00:51:57.000 No!

00:51:58.000 So why can't they make that biodegradable?

00:52:00.000 Well, they probably can, but it'll cost more money.

00:52:02.000 The thing about hemp is that it's like large-scale production of hemp is totally possible.

00:52:08.000 But it hasn't really been implemented in terms of, like, creating plastic in this country yet.

00:52:12.000 But you can make plastic water bottles out of hemp that'll degrade in the ground.

00:52:16.000 That'd be amazing.

00:52:17.000 Yeah, I mean, they can do it.

00:52:18.000 Like, we have this idea, like, every time you drink a water bottle, you're fucking up the world.

00:52:23.000 And, well, you kind of, sort of are, but it doesn't have to be. 0.81

00:52:26.000 There's a way to get around this.

00:52:28.000 It's totally possible to do.

00:52:31.000 As we sit here with all this water bottles.

00:52:32.000 We need to do something about this.

00:52:34.000 We have a machine too, the filter.

00:52:36.000 From now on, let's stop using water bottles.

00:52:38.000 Let's use that filter thing. 0.99

00:52:39.000 Get some glasses.

00:52:41.000 Get some glasses that are made out of plastic so I don't break them.

00:52:44.000 It seems like...

00:52:46.000 The company makes the product always before the regulation can exist.

00:52:53.000 So we get so far down the line with profit and success and Dasani and whoever, and then you have to—it's like Uber.

00:53:01.000 Now they're trying to regulate it, but it's just—the business is too big now.

00:53:05.000 And plastic is—plastic water? 1.00

00:53:08.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:53:09.000 Well, we just do a really bad job of garbage disposal. 1.00

00:53:13.000 We do a really poor job of making sure that the garbage is in a controlled environment, it's in an absolute container, and a lot of people are fucking litter. 0.99

00:53:24.000 That fucking drives me insane. 1.00

00:53:26.000 Drives me nuts. 1.00

00:53:27.000 We drive down the highway and see someone throw something out the window. 1.00

00:53:30.000 In LA, you would see these motherfuckers. 1.00

00:53:31.000 I'd drive my motorcycle down sunset sometimes, and you'd go in between the cars at a red light, and people would just throw their stuff out the window, not knowing I'm standing there, or on my bike, and it would hit you. 0.99

00:53:42.000 And it's like, beautiful street.

00:53:45.000 I've seen people throw full bags of their fast food bag, full bag, out the window.

00:53:52.000 You should be allowed to do something to them, physically, but...

00:53:56.000 Some people are gross. 0.65

00:53:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:53:58.000 Their punishment is they have to be them.

00:54:00.000 What is this?

00:54:02.000 157,000 shipping containers of U.S. plastic wakes exported to countries with poor waste management in 2018. What?

00:54:09.000 Well, wasn't China supposedly taking our recyclables, but then they stopped? 1.00

00:54:16.000 Because I'm fully convinced that that recycle bin in New York City just goes in the same fucking bin as the trash. 0.99

00:54:23.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:54:24.000 You know?

00:54:26.000 157,000 shipping containers.

00:54:28.000 There's a terrible video that I watched about them pouring garbage into a river in this poor country.

00:54:35.000 They literally would back a truck up into the river and they were pouring everything into the river.

00:54:39.000 Just garbage. 0.84

00:54:41.000 Let's get rid of it here. 0.98

00:54:42.000 I heard that Americans have on average two storage units.

00:54:47.000 So their home isn't enough storage.

00:54:50.000 So on average, most Americans own a separate storage facility somewhere for their stuff.

00:54:58.000 Maybe New York City people do.

00:55:00.000 Maybe.

00:55:01.000 Texas certainly doesn't.

00:55:02.000 New York City people kind of have to, right?

00:55:04.000 They kind of have to.

00:55:04.000 A lot of folks in New York have a storage unit where they take stuff that they don't use that often.

00:55:09.000 Bring the winter stuff in.

00:55:10.000 Yeah.

00:55:11.000 Because, yes.

00:55:12.000 But...

00:55:13.000 We have stuff.

00:55:14.000 We have too much stuff.

00:55:15.000 Yeah.

00:55:16.000 If you ever go camping and you got to take your trash out with you, that's a good lesson in learning how to minimize your trash.

00:55:24.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:55:24.000 It's disgusting how much trash we have. 0.97

00:55:26.000 Yeah. 0.79

00:55:27.000 There's just a lot of what we have is just we're not living efficiently.

00:55:36.000 No.

00:55:37.000 It's not a renewable and efficient way.

00:55:40.000 But, I mean, right now, in particular, people are thinking, well, that's the least of our problems.

00:55:45.000 Our problems are, you know, we're good at thinking about one thing at a time.

00:55:50.000 Yeah, it is kind of frustrating that, yeah.

00:55:56.000 I mean, aren't we seeing global warming changes?

00:56:00.000 Reversing a little bit right now?

00:56:02.000 More birds are migrating because there's less industry happening?

00:56:06.000 I don't know.

00:56:07.000 Well, they think air quality is improving, but the problem with global warming is the human imprint on global warming.

00:56:13.000 We're accelerating it with the carbon in the atmosphere, but it's only one factor.

00:56:19.000 There's a lot of factors.

00:56:20.000 There's so much debate on that stuff.

00:56:23.000 It's really interesting.

00:56:24.000 There's no debate whether or not human beings are having a negative influence.

00:56:27.000 They're definitely having a negative influence.

00:56:29.000 But, you know, when you go back and you look at when Earth was an ice, when there was an ice age, and most of North America was covered in a mile-high sheet of ice, and you see that, you know, there used to be dinosaurs in certain places, and are now all, like, this is not stable.

00:56:45.000 Like, none of this is stable.

00:56:46.000 This whole planet is, like, constantly in this state of change. 1.00

00:56:49.000 And these assholes that make houses and put them right next to the ocean are silly. 1.00

00:56:53.000 You're silly. 1.00

00:56:54.000 Like, that fucking shoreline varies wildly over into the next hundred years. 1.00

00:57:00.000 And yet, you're just like, here's my house, and I'm gonna put it on stilts so the water can go underneath it, but I'll be fine. 0.99

00:57:08.000 We're weird with that, man.

00:57:09.000 Like, Malibu, the most expensive coastline in America, right?

00:57:14.000 Those Malibu houses, and they're all on something that's just not gonna last.

00:57:18.000 Yeah.

00:57:19.000 And I never understood Malibu because I could never...

00:57:24.000 As a regular person, you can't really see Malibu.

00:57:26.000 It's just PCH, but it's all private beaches.

00:57:29.000 Somehow they've privatized.

00:57:31.000 It's not.

00:57:32.000 No, they pretend it's private. 1.00

00:57:33.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:57:34.000 This is the thing. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Oh, it's pretty gross. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Bastards. 1.00

00:57:36.000 Not only is it gross, it's like a crazy situation. 0.99

00:57:39.000 These people that own these houses on these beaches hire security to chase people off the beach because the beach is in front of their house.

00:57:47.000 But they don't own the beach.

00:57:48.000 They don't own the beach.

00:57:49.000 Because you can't own the beach.

00:57:50.000 It's literally like owning a chunk of ocean.

00:57:50.000 You can't own the beach, yeah.

00:57:52.000 It's not yours to buy.

00:57:54.000 You own the piece of land where your house is at, but these people pay like 20 million bucks for this little house that's right there, and they think, well, I shouldn't have people playing the drums right in front of my house.

00:58:07.000 Well, no, they're allowed to!

00:58:09.000 So are they saying that they're trespassed to get to the beach?

00:58:13.000 There's court cases because people are hiring security guards to kick people off of the land in front of their house.

00:58:21.000 But that land is public land.

00:58:23.000 So there's lawsuits going on right now.

00:58:25.000 And there's all these groups that are trying to make sure that these people don't get away with this.

00:58:31.000 Right.

00:58:32.000 And restore public access to the beach areas.

00:58:35.000 You have a certain amount of space between your house and the beach.

00:58:40.000 But it's not much. 0.99

00:58:42.000 It's like 10 feet or some shit. 0.96

00:58:45.000 But there must be a law in place that says you can't privatize the ocean, right? 0.99

00:58:50.000 Yes, there should be.

00:58:51.000 I'm happy we came up with that law.

00:58:53.000 I hope there's a law.

00:58:54.000 Yeah.

00:58:54.000 I don't know.

00:58:55.000 You know, I was talking about water and dumping in the river.

00:58:59.000 I did this piece on The Daily Show.

00:59:01.000 There's a company that gave Lake Erie A bill of rights?

00:59:10.000 They declared Lake Erie to be a person, to be a human being, legally.

00:59:15.000 So now they can defend it by pollution because I guess all these...

00:59:21.000 Defend it against pollution?

00:59:22.000 Excuse me, yes.

00:59:23.000 So all these agricultural companies have been dumping in Lake Erie forever.

00:59:26.000 They own all this land.

00:59:27.000 It's privatized.

00:59:28.000 They dump, dump, dump.

00:59:29.000 But they've actually... 1.00

00:59:30.000 Because Lake Erie's all fucked up. 0.97

00:59:32.000 I mean, it's caught on fire in the 70s. 1.00

00:59:34.000 It's like a lake that's burning.

00:59:35.000 Caught on fire?

00:59:36.000 Yes, 1974 or 78. The lake caught on fire was so polluted.

00:59:40.000 Yes.

00:59:41.000 Jesus Christ.

00:59:41.000 So it's had this long history of...

00:59:44.000 I know, like fire. 0.99

00:59:45.000 It has a long history of just being totally the worst Great Lake and totally fucked over. 0.98

00:59:49.000 But they declared Lake Erie a person. 0.97

00:59:52.000 So now they can defend it.

00:59:54.000 And it's still tied up in legal land.

00:59:57.000 But...

00:59:58.000 That'd be interesting.

00:59:59.000 You know?

01:00:00.000 What if a river is a person?

01:00:01.000 What if a mountain range is a person?

01:00:03.000 Does it now have those rights?

01:00:05.000 And if we harm it, can we defend it?

01:00:08.000 Why do we have to make it a person?

01:00:09.000 Right.

01:00:10.000 That's what's bizarre.

01:00:10.000 Exactly.

01:00:11.000 But that's how fucked up it's gotten. 0.98

01:00:13.000 That they can't get any attention to this issue. 0.98

01:00:16.000 So...

01:00:17.000 Well, waste.

01:00:18.000 Whenever people make things, it's going to be waste.

01:00:21.000 And whenever people don't have consequences for getting rid of that waste in a detrimental way, they do it.

01:00:27.000 If they can make more profit by just dumping it off somewhere, they just dump it off somewhere.

01:00:32.000 There's the Cleveland River Fire.

01:00:34.000 Oh my god!

01:00:35.000 Right, so is this the Cuyahoga River maybe?

01:00:38.000 Cuyahoga, yeah.

01:00:39.000 Cuyahoga River.

01:00:39.000 Oh my god!

01:00:40.000 This goes into Lake Erie and...

01:00:44.000 Bro, look how dark that is.

01:00:46.000 Oh, dude.

01:00:47.000 That's 1969?

01:00:48.000 Oh, is it 69?

01:00:49.000 Make that larger.

01:00:50.000 Look how dark that smoke is.

01:00:52.000 How polluted is that?

01:00:54.000 That's the water on fire.

01:00:56.000 Yeah.

01:00:57.000 Who would have ever imagined that it would make that much smoke? 0.99

01:01:00.000 That is fucking insane! 0.99

01:01:02.000 The picture is crazy! 0.99

01:01:04.000 And I don't know, you know, I don't know the pollution.

01:01:08.000 I think it's agricultural, you know, but...

01:01:11.000 Yeah, it's...

01:01:13.000 And Midwesterners have a long history of, like, taking... 0.99

01:01:17.000 The Great Lakes for granted and just kind of like dumping all their shit in there. 0.99

01:01:21.000 But it's like, you know, this is one-fifth of the world's freshwater. 0.97

01:01:24.000 You know, those are glaciers.

01:01:26.000 They just melted.

01:01:27.000 Yeah, that's what they are.

01:01:29.000 Glaciers that melted.

01:01:30.000 There's a bunch of areas.

01:01:31.000 That was post-ice age, too.

01:01:33.000 That was one of the things that...

01:01:36.000 There's a time called the Younger Dryas.

01:01:39.000 The Younger Dryas impact theory is that during this time period, the Earth was hit.

01:01:45.000 And this was during the Ice Age.

01:01:47.000 The Earth was hit with asteroid impacts, which caused a rapid melting of the glaciers.

01:01:52.000 And there's all sorts of evidence that points to it that this guy, Randall Carlson, can point out.

01:01:59.000 And he's kind of spent his life.

01:02:00.000 It's really a crazy story.

01:02:02.000 He was on acid once, and he was overlooking this area, and he had this vision.

01:02:07.000 He realized, like, he was looking at this incredible terrain, you know, these canyons, and then he had this vision, like, oh my god, this is from water.

01:02:16.000 Like, all this erosion came from water.

01:02:18.000 What would cause this much water and this much erosion?

01:02:21.000 And then he spends literally decades researching this.

01:02:27.000 Decades obsessing about this.

01:02:29.000 And has been on the podcast multiple times discussing this.

01:02:33.000 And it coincides with the end of the Ice Age and also coincides with this time where this comet has like a cycle of passing by Earth.

01:02:45.000 And debris from this comet collided with the Earth.

01:02:48.000 And there's all sorts of...

01:02:49.000 Evidence in terms of soil, when they do soil samples, core samples, that there is what's called, I think it's called tritonite, and it's nuclear, it's literally nuclear glass, and it happens on impact sites of asteroids.

01:03:05.000 So when particles hit the Earth, literally, it's the same glass that's created when they did the Trinity test.

01:03:12.000 They did the Trinity test and they detonated a nuke.

01:03:15.000 So this stuff all exists in this time period that coincides with the end of the Ice Age.

01:03:21.000 And that also coincides with these rapid melting of these glaciers. 0.79

01:03:27.000 And then they pushed across the Earth and did this crazy shit to the surface of the Earth. 0.90

01:03:34.000 When I Google it, there's a video from NASA that pops up first now. 0.99

01:03:38.000 Wow.

01:03:38.000 That's like almost confirming his theory.

01:03:41.000 Yeah, see those...

01:03:42.000 Like NASA satellites.

01:03:43.000 This area...

01:03:46.000 Of where these glaciers rapidly thawed out and just tore through the landscape and moved these massive stones.

01:03:55.000 You'd have to listen to him talk about it.

01:03:57.000 I'm doing a really shitty job of describing it.

01:03:59.000 But it's a fascinating, fascinating thing to talk about.

01:04:06.000 But this is all, those glaciers are all remnants of those lakes, the Great Lakes.

01:04:12.000 Those are giant chunks of ice. 0.97

01:04:14.000 The fucking, most of North America was covered with a mile high sheet of ice. 0.96

01:04:20.000 And then, what's going to happen when the asteroid comes for us now? 1.00

01:04:24.000 We're fucked. 0.99

01:04:25.000 But we're going to know it's coming. 1.00

01:04:26.000 Yeah, but they can't do anything about it.

01:04:28.000 It's not an Independence Day situation or whatever that movie, Armageddon.

01:04:32.000 Yeah, they can't stop it.

01:04:36.000 There's some people that think they can stop it.

01:04:38.000 Oh, we'll just do this and we'll just do that.

01:04:39.000 But when I talk to experts like Neil deGrasse Tyson and these type of people, we're more than a decade away from being able to do something about it.

01:04:47.000 To change the trajectory of an asteroid?

01:04:49.000 Yeah.

01:04:49.000 We're good to go.

01:05:03.000 Like, if you look at the amount of objects that are circulating between Mars and Jupiter, the thing that saves us is Jupiter.

01:05:10.000 Jupiter is like our security guard. 0.99

01:05:11.000 No shit. 1.00

01:05:12.000 He's keeping everybody, all the assholes, from coming into the club. 1.00

01:05:15.000 He's like, hang on, because Jupiter has this massive amount of gravity. 1.00

01:05:19.000 Right.

01:05:19.000 So a lot of things that would hit us get sucked into Jupiter.

01:05:22.000 Is that why it has like seven moons or whatever? 1.00

01:05:24.000 It's got a lot of shit. 1.00

01:05:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:26.000 And there was one impact.

01:05:27.000 Thanks, Jupiter!

01:05:29.000 There's one impact that happened in Jupiter that really changed our understanding of what an impact does.

01:05:29.000 Right?

01:05:36.000 Because we had sort of this idea of what it would be like, and this one thing hit Jupiter and the explosion was literally the size of Earth.

01:05:43.000 And we're like, oh no.

01:05:45.000 And we realized if something like that hit us, that's a wrap.

01:05:50.000 And that, you know, obviously that's what did the dinosaurs in and the Yucatan impact.

01:05:56.000 But that's going to happen again.

01:05:57.000 It's just a matter of when.

01:05:59.000 It's always fun to have this type of conversation.

01:06:02.000 It's a movie that just came out about what you're talking about.

01:06:02.000 What is this?

01:06:04.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

01:06:05.000 Like the last couple months called Greenland. 1.00

01:06:08.000 Oh, the gladiator guy.

01:06:09.000 Yeah.

01:06:10.000 He's in there?

01:06:11.000 Well, listen, this is going to happen.

01:06:13.000 You know, remember back in 2015, Bill Gates gave a TED Talk about pandemics.

01:06:18.000 And I remember everybody was like, eh, it's not going to happen. 0.99

01:06:22.000 Well, guess what, fuckface? 0.99

01:06:23.000 Here we are. 1.00

01:06:24.000 We're in the middle of a pandemic.

01:06:25.000 We're very fortunate that this pandemic is killing less than 1% of the population, but it is a pandemic.

01:06:32.000 And 1% of the people that get it.

01:06:34.000 But this...

01:06:36.000 This is also going to happen.

01:06:38.000 It's not a matter of if we get hit.

01:06:40.000 You look at the surface of the moon.

01:06:40.000 It's when.

01:06:42.000 The surface of the moon looks like one of those steel plates at a gun range. 1.00

01:06:46.000 Dude, it's so fucked. 1.00

01:06:48.000 Yes, yes, yes. 1.00

01:06:49.000 That's because it gets hit.

01:06:51.000 Because the moon doesn't have any atmosphere to protect it.

01:06:54.000 There's going to be a third act to Earth.

01:06:57.000 And it's going to end.

01:06:58.000 But are we a part of that?

01:07:01.000 Yeah.

01:07:02.000 Well, how about this?

01:07:03.000 So why do I have to go to work then?

01:07:05.000 This is Earth 2. Okay.

01:07:08.000 You know, there was Earth 1. We got hit by a planet.

01:07:11.000 Okay.

01:07:12.000 Earth 1 existed...

01:07:13.000 We're in the sequel to Earth?

01:07:15.000 Yeah, this is the second version of Earth.

01:07:17.000 Earth 1, they think that's how the moon got formed.

01:07:20.000 Earth got hit by another planet. 1.00

01:07:24.000 Think of that shit. 1.00

01:07:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:27.000 I mean...

01:07:29.000 When I look at the ocean and when I look at the sky, I feel very insignificant and it actually gives me comfort, right?

01:07:36.000 It makes me go like, dude, chill on this.

01:07:38.000 Chill on that Tuesday morning bothered you or whatever, you know, the commute.

01:07:42.000 Don't read your mentions on Twitter.

01:07:43.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:07:44.000 Like, yo, look at the ocean, look at the sky, and it's fascinating.

01:07:49.000 And you think about men, you know, hundreds of years ago that would look up there and say, I want to go there or study or learn about that.

01:07:58.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:08:00.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:08:01.000 Well, that's another thing that I think we've done. 1.00

01:08:03.000 It's a huge disservice.

01:08:04.000 Unfortunately, a consequence of civilization is light and light pollution.

01:08:10.000 Dude.

01:08:11.000 Yes.

01:08:12.000 It's ruined our view of the most amazing thing in the world, which is the universe.

01:08:16.000 It's ruined our view of the heavens.

01:08:18.000 I can sometimes see one star from my roof in New York.

01:08:22.000 I mean, it is like, it is just a giant glow.

01:08:25.000 Yeah.

01:08:26.000 And when you go camping, or in L.A., you used to love to go camping, and you just get out, and it was just like, whoa, what is all that?

01:08:32.000 Yeah, amazing.

01:08:33.000 And then noise pollution is the other one.

01:08:35.000 Noise pollution is bad, too, but at least that kind of dies down at night.

01:08:38.000 True.

01:08:39.000 The light pollution never dies down.

01:08:41.000 I went to the Keck Observatory once in Hawaii, and it changed my life.

01:08:45.000 Like, legitimately changed my life.

01:08:47.000 Because you go up to the top, and I remember as we were driving up there, I thought we fucked up because there were so many clouds. 0.98

01:08:53.000 I was like, damn, we picked it on a cloudy day. 0.90

01:08:55.000 But you actually drive through the clouds, and you get above the clouds, and the view is insanity. 0.97

01:09:02.000 It's so amazing.

01:09:04.000 It's on the Big Island.

01:09:05.000 The peak of the Big Island is very high.

01:09:09.000 And you get up there and you see everything.

01:09:11.000 You see the full Milky Way with all the stars.

01:09:14.000 And it's so overwhelming that it makes you feel so insignificant. 0.99

01:09:18.000 You're like, holy shit! 0.99

01:09:20.000 It's the most amazing view. 0.99

01:09:22.000 And then you realize, oh my god, this is how humans used to see the sky always.

01:09:28.000 Always.

01:09:29.000 Until like 100 years ago.

01:09:30.000 And then we started ruining it.

01:09:32.000 And now we literally have the most beautiful thing ever there.

01:09:35.000 And instead... 1.00

01:09:37.000 We look down at this fucking thing. 0.99

01:09:40.000 And I think it coincides with our lack of appreciation or understanding of where we stand. 0.99

01:09:48.000 When you look at the mountains, or when you look at the ocean, you do get humbled by just the magnitude of it.

01:09:55.000 There's something comforting about it.

01:09:57.000 And I think it's one of the reasons why beach towns are kind of chill.

01:10:01.000 Totally.

01:10:02.000 And people that live in mountain towns are pretty friendly.

01:10:04.000 They're kind of cool.

01:10:05.000 I think they're humbled by nature.

01:10:07.000 Yeah.

01:10:08.000 Well, that's my biggest...

01:10:12.000 Appreciation of LA. There's a lot of fake motherfuckers there, but in general, people are interacting with nature on a daily basis. 0.99

01:10:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:20.000 That's not happening in New York, but...

01:10:23.000 I forgot what I was going to say about being humbled.

01:10:27.000 Oh, I also find...

01:10:28.000 Look at wars and...

01:10:31.000 It's always cold, people.

01:10:33.000 The military, it's always people that are freezing. 1.00

01:10:35.000 Caribbean countries and stuff, they're always like, we're not going to waste our time with that shit, isn't it? 1.00

01:10:40.000 Yeah, it's Soviet, Germans. 1.00

01:10:41.000 Yeah, it's Soviet Germany. 0.70

01:10:43.000 America, it's always like, it's not like some vast military history for Trinidad.

01:10:49.000 They're just like, why would we go through all that trouble?

01:10:52.000 Yeah, we're chilling.

01:10:53.000 We're drinking coconuts, eating fish.

01:10:56.000 Yeah, being humbled by nature, I think, is important.

01:11:00.000 Understand your perspective.

01:11:01.000 And most civilizations in history modeled their cities, like the great civilizations like Egypt and the Mayans.

01:11:09.000 The structures that still baffle us today, when we look at the Mayan structures, they modeled them after the cosmos.

01:11:15.000 I mean, they were in alignment with these...

01:11:20.000 Constellations.

01:11:21.000 I mean, that was a huge part of the way they viewed the world.

01:11:25.000 They looked at the sky.

01:11:26.000 And it must have been amazing back then.

01:11:29.000 Like, every night you just saw all these stars.

01:11:32.000 And they didn't understand...

01:11:33.000 I mean, did they know what it was?

01:11:35.000 Well, they knew enough to know that it shifted and changed.

01:11:39.000 They knew enough to line up certain structures with the sun and the summer solstice.

01:11:45.000 They knew enough.

01:11:46.000 They had a lot of understanding of it because you've got to realize these people were observing and studying and writing this stuff down for thousands of years.

01:11:54.000 Even though they don't have the kind of astronomy understanding that people have today, they still had thousands of years of observation.

01:12:04.000 And they knew how to, like, make it so in the solstice it would line up correctly, which is insane.

01:12:09.000 You know, speaking of Humble by Nature, Jordan Jonas, who you had on The Alone, one of the things that I was so drawn to with that season, or excuse me, season six of Alone...

01:12:26.000 I was always like, okay, I'm going to see some bad asses figure out how to survive in nature, but the ones that really thrive or win have this humbleness to it all.

01:12:35.000 And that's what drove me to Jordan when he's killing the Wolverine with his bare hands and shit, but he's still somehow doing this totally alpha nature predator thing, but then he would still have this like, you guys are in charge, I'm just chilling here. 0.98

01:12:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:53.000 That threw me.

01:12:54.000 I was like, oh, maybe this is probably why he's so good at this, too.

01:12:56.000 Because he's just like, you're in charge.

01:12:58.000 Let me just be a guest.

01:12:59.000 Well, he's been in nature for so long.

01:13:02.000 That was nuts.

01:13:02.000 He understands it.

01:13:03.000 And he loves nature.

01:13:05.000 That guy's spent a long time living with people in Siberia.

01:13:10.000 I know. 0.99

01:13:11.000 The reindeer and shit. 0.99

01:13:12.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

01:13:13.000 His life is pretty incredible.

01:13:15.000 I'm gonna do his survival camp.

01:13:16.000 Are you really?

01:13:17.000 Yeah, like in August.

01:13:18.000 I guess he's got some survival camp, and I signed up to do it.

01:13:21.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:13:22.000 We're gonna go to Idaho on the fucking horses and like... 0.99

01:13:24.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:13:26.000 I'm just trying to learn as much shit as I can. 0.98

01:13:27.000 Why are you doing that? 0.99

01:13:28.000 I just think it'll be fun.

01:13:29.000 I mean, I'm like...

01:13:30.000 I live in a city, you know?

01:13:32.000 But I love nature, but I gotta commit to finding time to be in it from where I live.

01:13:39.000 You moved to Brooklyn to do the show?

01:13:40.000 Yeah.

01:13:40.000 To do The Daily Show?

01:13:41.000 Yeah, right.

01:13:42.000 I was living in LA before.

01:13:43.000 What was that transition like?

01:13:46.000 I had been to New York once before for a year to do a show on Fox with Regis Philbin, rest in peace.

01:13:53.000 Oh, that'd be a great guess, but he's no longer, you can't get him now.

01:13:58.000 So I was a little more familiar with New York City.

01:14:00.000 The first time I went there, it just wiped me out.

01:14:03.000 I couldn't figure it out.

01:14:04.000 I thought everything anybody said to me, I took it personally.

01:14:08.000 I didn't understand the pace.

01:14:10.000 I didn't understand anything.

01:14:12.000 The second time I went, which is now, I was a little more confident in the rhythm.

01:14:17.000 No, she's Canadian. 1.00

01:14:17.000 Is your wife from there? 1.00

01:14:19.000 So we were in LA. I got the job, moved to New York.

01:14:24.000 My parents were living in New York City at the time.

01:14:28.000 So I actually got The Daily Show Moved to New York and stayed with my parents.

01:14:32.000 A 38-year-old sleeping at my parents' house.

01:14:34.000 My mom would lightly knock on the door and wake me up and ask me...

01:14:37.000 Honey, time to go to work.

01:14:38.000 Yeah, I'm going to go to work.

01:14:39.000 He goes, yeah, I'll take coffee.

01:14:39.000 Do you want coffee?

01:14:40.000 That's hilarious.

01:14:42.000 And then transitioned and moved everybody to Brooklyn.

01:14:45.000 But have you spent time in New York?

01:14:47.000 You never lived there, right?

01:14:48.000 I lived in New Rochelle, which is outside of New York City.

01:14:51.000 I lived there for a few years.

01:14:53.000 That was like ground zero for COVID. Did you see that?

01:14:55.000 Yeah, I heard.

01:14:56.000 Westchester.

01:14:57.000 Yes, that was crazy.

01:14:58.000 They got crushed.

01:14:59.000 So were you doing comedy at a New Rochelle?

01:15:02.000 Yeah, I had a car, right?

01:15:04.000 And I couldn't afford to live in the city.

01:15:05.000 Because if I lived in the city, I would have to park.

01:15:08.000 I remember being ashamed to tell people that I lived in New Rochelle.

01:15:11.000 Like, oh, you're one of those people living out there.

01:15:14.000 You can't hang in the city.

01:15:16.000 And I was like, I can't.

01:15:18.000 I don't have any money.

01:15:19.000 I couldn't afford it.

01:15:20.000 What was spot pay then?

01:15:21.000 Not much.

01:15:21.000 10 bucks?

01:15:22.000 But the road was where the money was at.

01:15:24.000 I lived in New York because I got signed by my manager.

01:15:27.000 And the New York scene was great, but you would have to hop from gig to gig to gig and everybody was doing like 15 minutes.

01:15:36.000 Or you could go on the road and you'd go to Connecticut and do an hour and make like 150 bucks.

01:15:42.000 That's what I was doing.

01:15:43.000 I was doing a lot of road gigs.

01:15:45.000 I needed a car, and there was no way I was going to have a car in New York City and pay, like, I don't remember what a spot was, but it was as much as my rent was from my apartment, that's how much a spot was to park your car.

01:15:58.000 Yeah, I don't know...

01:16:01.000 I'll do four shows a night, but in order to make it on time, I'll be taking $80 worth of Ubers or taxis.

01:16:09.000 So how is this working?

01:16:10.000 I don't know how...

01:16:11.000 I got into the New York scene later in comedy where I had road work I could rely on, but I just don't know how you survive and live full-time as a New York City stand-up comic.

01:16:22.000 I mean, there are people at the cellar that will tell you they've pulled it off, but they haven't bought a new winter jacket in like 12 years. 0.98

01:16:27.000 It's fucking brutal. 0.95

01:16:28.000 There's a... 1.00

01:16:29.000 It's almost an embracing of poverty.

01:16:33.000 Not just embracing, but there's a badge of honor to the poverty that you get from choosing that path.

01:16:40.000 Mark Norman drives a scooter. 0.99

01:16:43.000 He rides a fucking moped around New York City. 0.99

01:16:47.000 I go, is it dangerous? 0.99

01:16:47.000 He's like, yeah, but I feel alive. 0.99

01:16:49.000 I'm out there driving, risking my life.

01:16:53.000 Yeah, I mean, I love biking through New York City.

01:16:56.000 I love biking New York City.

01:16:57.000 It is fun, and it's similar to what Mark is saying.

01:16:59.000 But I also fall back on the fact that I'm getting exercise when I do that.

01:17:03.000 He's riding a scooter.

01:17:05.000 Oh yeah, many times I've changed in a green room at a comedy club with the helmet, and I'm sweating.

01:17:10.000 Jesus.

01:17:11.000 Louis C.K. used to ride a motorcycle.

01:17:13.000 He told me he got hit by a car. 1.00

01:17:14.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:17:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:15.000 And when you get hit by a car, he's like, okay, that's it. 1.00

01:17:18.000 Yeah.

01:17:18.000 And I was like, you were riding a motorcycle around New York City?

01:17:22.000 I got my car hit once by a guy.

01:17:24.000 I got out to talk to the cab driver.

01:17:26.000 He hit me. 1.00

01:17:27.000 He's like, hey, fuck you! 1.00

01:17:28.000 And he drove off. 1.00

01:17:29.000 There was no consequences.

01:17:31.000 And I go, give me your license and registration.

01:17:34.000 He goes, no!

01:17:35.000 And he just drove away.

01:17:37.000 That's New York. 1.00

01:17:38.000 I was like, fuck! 1.00

01:17:39.000 It's a pinball game. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Manhattan's a pinball game, and when you're on a bike, you feel like the ball sometimes, but you get to where you're going.

01:17:46.000 It's fast.

01:17:47.000 It's fun.

01:17:49.000 And it's the best way to... 0.94

01:17:53.000 Commute quickly in New York City, but you're sweaty, you're gross.

01:17:57.000 Nothing was as simple and as easy as popping in the car, 10 minutes, go to the comedy store, get a great spot, maybe do another spot up at the belly room, two shows a night, through osmosis, absorb other great comedy.

01:18:12.000 The LA world, if you were in at the comedy store, was perfect for me.

01:18:16.000 But now that I'm in New York, it's a fight.

01:18:18.000 Everything's a fight in New York.

01:18:19.000 Do you do road gigs like in Jersey?

01:18:22.000 Yeah.

01:18:22.000 That, to me, made more sense.

01:18:25.000 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 Because I need time to air my act out.

01:18:28.000 Yeah.

01:18:29.000 One of the things that I've found is that in New York City, some of the best joke writers, great crowd work guys, but...

01:18:36.000 There's a consequence of the environment of those clubs.

01:18:39.000 The environment is you're very close to the audience.

01:18:41.000 The stage is very small.

01:18:43.000 And because of that, there's a lot of interaction with the crowd.

01:18:46.000 And there's a lot of joke jokes.

01:18:49.000 For sure.

01:18:50.000 And you have short sets, so you don't have a chance to expand.

01:18:53.000 Right?

01:18:53.000 So I need time.

01:18:55.000 Because some of my bits...

01:18:55.000 Yeah.

01:18:56.000 I want to talk about something that's fucked up. 0.97

01:18:59.000 And I have to get you to trust me first. 0.99

01:19:01.000 So I have to talk to you about kind of normal shit that you can agree with and then go, let me ask you about this. 0.93

01:19:09.000 Why are we doing this really? 0.99

01:19:11.000 I need a half hour.

01:19:12.000 I need 45 minutes.

01:19:14.000 I need time to get to the real... 1.00

01:19:16.000 I can't open up with a bit about old people fucking and dying. 1.00

01:19:21.000 I need time. 0.99

01:19:23.000 I have to do bits about living with my parents up top.

01:19:26.000 Oh, we like this guy.

01:19:28.000 He's humbled, whatever.

01:19:29.000 Now we can talk about Me Too.

01:19:31.000 But in New York, it's like, hey, you got 14 minutes.

01:19:33.000 So then I would run up on stage, start my first joke on Me Too, and everyone hates me.

01:19:37.000 And I'm going, oh, wait.

01:19:39.000 Of course, I know the rule.

01:19:40.000 Why didn't I? Yeah, but you're right.

01:19:43.000 So look.

01:19:46.000 Some comedy purists make fun of the road.

01:19:48.000 To me, it's an awesome way to get good at comedy.

01:19:52.000 Those were comedy purists that don't exist anymore, though.

01:19:55.000 The ones who are successful don't make fun of the road.

01:19:58.000 That was a thing that was going on back in the day, whereas the people that lived in the city, and they existed and survived in the city, they would mock everybody who went on the road.

01:20:08.000 But those people are dead.

01:20:09.000 They don't exist anymore.

01:20:11.000 Yeah.

01:20:12.000 Because everybody does the road now, and you realize, like, no, it's your choice.

01:20:16.000 Not only that, this arrogance that only the people in New York City are the sophisticated people that are intelligent. 1.00

01:20:22.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

01:20:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:24.000 Really. 1.00

01:20:25.000 Like, yeah, are there morons in Jersey? 1.00

01:20:26.000 For sure. 1.00

01:20:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:28.000 Are there morons in Manhattan? 1.00

01:20:29.000 Yeah, that too. 1.00

01:20:31.000 Especially if you do, like, Caroline's.

01:20:31.000 Yeah.

01:20:33.000 Like, if you do Caroline's, you're doing tourists.

01:20:36.000 For sure.

01:20:36.000 It's mostly tourists, you know?

01:20:38.000 I think that's a big mistake that...

01:20:43.000 By the way, I love Carolines.

01:20:44.000 No, I'm not.

01:20:44.000 I understand.

01:20:45.000 No, but yeah, I understand.

01:20:46.000 I'm from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

01:20:48.000 Ann Arbor is this very educated, very, I will use the word pretentious, Michigan town.

01:20:56.000 And people in New York here, I'm from Michigan, and they always are like, oh, it's all like, you know, Michigan militia or Trump or whatever.

01:21:01.000 And I'm like, I don't know about you, but all of my friends' parents were like PhD doctors.

01:21:06.000 I'm not saying that's a good thing either, but I'm saying you're out of touch with what is existing in Michigan.

01:21:13.000 Yeah, and so the road could do an hour.

01:21:16.000 Now, you can get hacky on the road.

01:21:18.000 If you are just chasing laughs and you're just chasing like, you know, I want to be popular for the moment, you can get hacky and that's what you got to fight against.

01:21:26.000 Yeah, well, you know, you don't have that fear.

01:21:29.000 You're never going to be that anyway.

01:21:31.000 But there's some people that do give into that.

01:21:33.000 As an argument against that, I would use Hicks.

01:21:37.000 Do you understand that Hicks cut his teeth in the south on the road? 0.99

01:21:42.000 Like, that guy did all the places where the hacks went, but he would come in and hit them with some shit that they never saw coming. 0.99

01:21:49.000 It's a crazy story, that, right? 0.99

01:21:51.000 Yeah.

01:21:52.000 Well, he started here.

01:21:53.000 This is where he started, in Austin.

01:21:54.000 That's right.

01:21:54.000 Okay.

01:21:55.000 Yeah.

01:21:55.000 He started in Austin and Houston.

01:21:57.000 And Houston is where, you know, they had...

01:21:59.000 First of all, they had...

01:22:00.000 The Laugh Stop was originally here, and then the Laugh Stop got sold and then became Cap City Comedy Club.

01:22:07.000 And then they opened up the Laugh Stop in Houston.

01:22:07.000 Yeah.

01:22:09.000 And the Laugh Stop in Houston was the first place where I ever sold out. 0.99

01:22:13.000 No shit. 0.97

01:22:14.000 Yeah, it was the first place where I ever had a real crowd. 1.00

01:22:17.000 People would come to see me.

01:22:19.000 I did it a couple of times.

01:22:20.000 And they just loved wild comedy there.

01:22:23.000 And then I was like, oh, of course.

01:22:26.000 The people that...

01:22:27.000 When I started at the Laugh Stop, it was like 97. Like, Hicks...

01:22:31.000 And Kinison were in the 80s.

01:22:33.000 Those people were still...

01:22:34.000 The remnants were still there.

01:22:37.000 The ripples of their impact on comedy.

01:22:41.000 And plus, Houston does not get the respect that it deserves for being a diverse, interesting, intelligent city.

01:22:49.000 I have...

01:22:50.000 Zero experience with Houston.

01:22:51.000 Houston's great.

01:22:52.000 Is it really?

01:22:53.000 It's great.

01:22:54.000 It really is.

01:22:54.000 It's a great city.

01:22:56.000 It's so interesting.

01:22:58.000 There's so many different cultures there.

01:22:59.000 It's like a massive melting pot. 0.99

01:23:01.000 But you think Houston, oil, Texas, assholes, cowboy hats, big trucks. 1.00

01:23:06.000 Fuck that place. 1.00

01:23:07.000 It's not what Houston is. 1.00

01:23:08.000 Houston is filled with great restaurants and interesting people, but there's so much intelligence there.

01:23:15.000 It's a really unusual place.

01:23:18.000 But what you're suggesting is that a comedy audience, a community, can be created through listening to good comedy.

01:23:26.000 And I would believe that too, because you go to these clubs that have actually booked good comics, and you see that that audience, over the course of time, gets smarter as well.

01:23:26.000 Yes.

01:23:37.000 And gets more into comedy.

01:23:37.000 Yes.

01:23:38.000 But so much of the road also is like, hey, we just turned this bar into a thing.

01:23:42.000 Do you want to do comedy?

01:23:43.000 And you're like, oh my god, this is terrible.

01:23:45.000 Yes.

01:23:46.000 Yeah, but even that, though, I feel like that's cross-training.

01:23:50.000 It is.

01:23:51.000 As a comic, you don't want to do those gigs every week, but to do them every now and then is actually valuable.

01:23:57.000 For sure.

01:23:58.000 Doing a casino in Dubuque, Iowa, and I remember being on stage, and I'm doing 20 minutes, and it's going like, okay...

01:24:05.000 And I'm going, why don't I fly here to do an hour of okay?

01:24:09.000 Why don't we dig into all the new stuff that's probably going to be okay?

01:24:13.000 And that'll be a successful workout.

01:24:17.000 So that's what you do.

01:24:19.000 And you go, okay, great.

01:24:20.000 This works.

01:24:20.000 It doesn't work.

01:24:21.000 It doesn't matter. 0.99

01:24:21.000 It was fucking Dubuque, Iowa. 0.99

01:24:23.000 Well, you know, even Dubuque, Iowa. 0.99

01:24:25.000 Like, when people know who you are, then you have your own audience.

01:24:28.000 I don't have that problem.

01:24:29.000 Well, you can get that eventually.

01:24:29.000 Yeah.

01:24:30.000 You can get there.

01:24:31.000 I was just starting.

01:24:34.000 Like, right before pandemic, I was, like, starting to see ticket sales go up and sell out a couple things, and it's such a, like, it's so motivating, because you're like, okay, some of this shit is, like, working, and then I'm not at all complaining at all, but I'm saying, like, the ball was moving a little bit, and selling tickets is tough,

01:24:50.000 and Don't forget that.

01:24:52.000 I'm sure you won't, but it's like...

01:24:54.000 Oh, I don't forget.

01:24:54.000 You can't forget it, because I know you've spent years not, but it is like...

01:24:58.000 And then they screw you, too.

01:25:00.000 Right on the edge of that bonus.

01:25:03.000 But I know we got 500 people there.

01:25:05.000 No, it was showing 491. And then the agent says, I'll dig into it, but they never dig into it.

01:25:10.000 No!

01:25:10.000 It's a thousand bucks.

01:25:12.000 It's like, that's good money.

01:25:13.000 Dude, I had a club. 0.99

01:25:14.000 I had a club that I know fucked me one year and tried to fuck me the next year. 0.99

01:25:17.000 Listen to how crazy this was. 0.99

01:25:19.000 I know it was sold out.

01:25:20.000 The place is packed.

01:25:21.000 Of course! 0.99

01:25:22.000 You can fucking see if it's sold out. 0.98

01:25:23.000 No, it looks like it's sold out, but it's just the way we see people. 0.98

01:25:27.000 And I remember we had this conversation when he was writing me the check.

01:25:30.000 We're looking at him, and I know he's lying.

01:25:32.000 And I can't do anything about it.

01:25:33.000 So I go, okay, fine. 0.99

01:25:35.000 And then I hear from other comics that he fucked them over. 0.99

01:25:35.000 So I take it. 0.99

01:25:37.000 Fine.

01:25:38.000 Whatever.

01:25:38.000 Great club.

01:25:39.000 Good weekend.

01:25:40.000 I let it go.

01:25:41.000 The next time I'm there, it sells out in advance.

01:25:45.000 The next time I'm there, it sells out in advance.

01:25:48.000 And so as he's cutting me the check, he tells me, hey, I comped 150 tickets.

01:25:54.000 I don't know what you want to do with that.

01:25:55.000 I go, what are you talking about?

01:25:57.000 What do you mean?

01:25:57.000 He goes, well, I mean, I wanted to fill the place, so I comped 150 tickets.

01:26:01.000 I go, the show was sold out in advance.

01:26:04.000 What are you telling me?

01:26:05.000 He's like, I mean, we have a deal.

01:26:08.000 If the show sells out, we have a sellout deal.

01:26:08.000 Here's the deal.

01:26:11.000 You're supposed to give me an extra, this amount of money.

01:26:14.000 So you have to give me that money.

01:26:15.000 He goes, yeah, but I comped all these tickets. 1.00

01:26:17.000 I go, give me the fucking money, man. 0.99

01:26:19.000 I'm like, we're getting tense here. 1.00

01:26:21.000 This is two times in a row.

01:26:23.000 You're running security for yourself.

01:26:25.000 I was very frustrated.

01:26:26.000 You're running agency for yourself.

01:26:27.000 You're running law for yourself.

01:26:29.000 That's what is insane.

01:26:30.000 But why would you do that when I sold out last time?

01:26:33.000 Why would you comp 150 tickets?

01:26:35.000 What are you doing?

01:26:36.000 This time you decided to give away 150 tickets? 1.00

01:26:40.000 Bullshit. 1.00

01:26:41.000 Some people are just liars. 1.00

01:26:44.000 The kind of comedy club vibe can be a little dirty. 1.00

01:26:48.000 They're dirty people.

01:26:49.000 Is it different at the big theater, though? 0.99

01:26:52.000 Yeah, it's way different.

01:26:55.000 Guarantees.

01:26:55.000 When the theater's sold out, this is the amount of money you get.

01:26:58.000 This is how it goes.

01:27:00.000 Yeah, it's different. 1.00

01:27:01.000 And also, the agents are fucking murderers now. 0.99

01:27:04.000 They're different. 1.00

01:27:06.000 When I do an arena, the people that come in, those people are assassins.

01:27:11.000 It's John Wick.

01:27:13.000 They all come in with bulletproof vests on.

01:27:15.000 They're like, listen, we're getting paid.

01:27:17.000 You bring in Live Nation. 1.00

01:27:18.000 You don't have to worry about having that shit. 0.99

01:27:20.000 I used to love when I would start out, there would always be this successful road comic that will go unnamed, but he would always bring a buddy with him that has the clicker. 0.99

01:27:29.000 He'd have to pay his buddy to count the heads, and I was always like, what is all this?

01:27:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:33.000 Why do you have to do that?

01:27:34.000 You have to, yeah.

01:27:34.000 You have to.

01:27:35.000 I don't know how legal the clicker is in a court of law, but... 0.69

01:27:39.000 I know a guy who got fucked over by 200 tickets, and he found that out by clicking.

01:27:44.000 They were telling him it was 300, it was 500 people. 0.93

01:27:48.000 200 tickets.

01:27:49.000 Yeah.

01:27:49.000 But that's how it goes.

01:27:50.000 It's just like, you know...

01:27:52.000 But I always think, listen, I need those people.

01:27:55.000 You need club owners.

01:27:56.000 I don't want to be a club owner.

01:27:58.000 Although I guess I'm going to be a club owner.

01:27:59.000 I guess you're going to be clicking.

01:28:00.000 But I don't want to be that guy.

01:28:02.000 I don't want to do that.

01:28:03.000 That seems like really frustrating.

01:28:05.000 It's a lot of work.

01:28:06.000 It's really... 0.97

01:28:07.000 And I wouldn't want to deal with some of these crazy comedians. 0.90

01:28:10.000 Oh, my God. 0.95

01:28:11.000 I mean, like...

01:28:13.000 Like, look at any condo, comedy condo, the club.

01:28:16.000 There was always, you know, you get to a club and there always used to be free drinks.

01:28:22.000 And you're like, well, what happened?

01:28:23.000 Well, this guy.

01:28:24.000 It's always like one guy.

01:28:26.000 And... 0.99

01:28:28.000 Comics are a shit show, and that is also part of my complaint, is like, hey, comics, like, I think in general comic comedians are doing this, but like, let's pick it up a little bit. 1.00

01:28:39.000 Like, let's wash your shirt, you know? 1.00

01:28:41.000 Let's not be a total slob.

01:28:45.000 Let's learn how to have a conversation with the green room staff.

01:28:48.000 Let's tip.

01:28:50.000 Let's approach this the way that any businessman or woman, successful in their endeavor, would approach their business.

01:28:58.000 Now, it also leads to more comics being sober, more comics being super network-y, more comics climbing the ladder.

01:29:04.000 And I feel like when I started comedy, it was like this free-for-all fun, smoke pot, do drugs, whatever.

01:29:10.000 And I feel like now the younger guys and girls are more professional, but that's probably good.

01:29:16.000 Yeah.

01:29:18.000 Those road dogs...

01:29:21.000 They're always the fun guys to hang out with.

01:29:24.000 But they're the guys who do an upper-decker in the bathroom, the green room.

01:29:31.000 They always sell a t-shirt with a lightning bolt on it.

01:29:34.000 It's a reference to some joke.

01:29:35.000 And you're like, did you sell that t-shirt?

01:29:37.000 They hate the joke, but they have to do it to sell the shirt.

01:29:40.000 Yeah.

01:29:41.000 I saw that a lot when I started in Michigan.

01:29:43.000 I saw the comics that were 10 years in front of me, and I said, I don't want to be that.

01:29:48.000 The merch guys.

01:29:49.000 Yeah.

01:29:50.000 I mean, I sell some merch, but I try to, you know...

01:29:53.000 That's where they make money sometimes, when you're on the road, but then you have to ship boxes and shirts and stuff.

01:29:59.000 Yeah.

01:30:01.000 It's a lot of work, man.

01:30:02.000 They used to have the credit card machine.

01:30:04.000 Oh, no!

01:30:05.000 The carbons.

01:30:06.000 The carbons, the machine.

01:30:08.000 Yeah, it's an interesting business, you know, because there's no one to teach you how to do it.

01:30:13.000 There's no only one way to do it.

01:30:17.000 It's not like you can go to classes at Juilliard and learn how to do it correctly.

01:30:21.000 There is no way.

01:30:22.000 And you do it different than I. I do it different than Tony.

01:30:26.000 Everybody does it different.

01:30:27.000 There's no way around that.

01:30:29.000 Your personality will dictate what your comedy is.

01:30:33.000 I remember Greg Proops telling me that when I was starting out. 0.99

01:30:36.000 He was like, anything I tell you is bullshit. 0.99

01:30:39.000 Because your personality, your point of view is different. 1.00

01:30:42.000 You can live here, go here, make this, do this, do this.

01:30:45.000 And it's coming from the world of sport.

01:30:48.000 Sport isn't like that. 0.99

01:30:50.000 Sport is like, hit the ball here to this fucking point 10,000 times. 0.99

01:30:54.000 Can you do that under pressure? 0.99

01:30:56.000 That's like the big question that you have to answer.

01:30:58.000 And in comedy or arts...

01:31:01.000 It's wide open.

01:31:02.000 Yeah.

01:31:02.000 It's wide open.

01:31:03.000 Yeah, I came from the world of martial arts, which is very technical.

01:31:07.000 There's ways to do it that you're going to get hurt.

01:31:09.000 You can't do it this way.

01:31:11.000 You're in real trouble.

01:31:12.000 That is the ultimate.

01:31:14.000 That's the ultimate.

01:31:15.000 Tennis, if I make a mental error or a technical, personal error, I lose the point.

01:31:21.000 Maybe my ball goes into the net, right? 0.99

01:31:24.000 In your sport, you're fucking knocked out. 0.99

01:31:27.000 Yeah, you get hit. 1.00

01:31:28.000 You get hit.

01:31:29.000 The first time, I don't...

01:31:30.000 I don't remember the first time I fought, but I remember the first time I got hit really hard.

01:31:34.000 I remember stars going in front of my eyes.

01:31:37.000 Literally, I see a bright flash.

01:31:40.000 I remember my knees buckling.

01:31:41.000 But you're still active in the fight.

01:31:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:31:44.000 While that's happening.

01:31:45.000 While that's happening, yeah.

01:31:46.000 I think the first time I really got hurt was in the gym.

01:31:48.000 But yeah, I remember thinking like, Jesus, this is terrible.

01:31:54.000 Like, I've been hitting the body before.

01:31:56.000 Body shots hurt a lot, too.

01:31:58.000 But there's something about getting hit in the head where things shut off for a second.

01:32:02.000 They flash out, like your legs start going rubber on you.

01:32:05.000 And then you try to, like, rebound from it.

01:32:08.000 So do you have...

01:32:09.000 You or any fighter, when the flash hits or the knees buckle, is there some default of protection?

01:32:17.000 Yes.

01:32:17.000 Because, okay, I saw the flash.

01:32:19.000 I've got a split second before I'm dead.

01:32:21.000 Well, fortunately, I'd been hit a bunch of times and not hurt really bad before that, so I knew how to protect myself, sort of.

01:32:27.000 But I remember that was the first time I got hurt really.

01:32:31.000 We're good to go. 1.00

01:32:53.000 And I was like, oh shit. 0.99

01:32:54.000 And I was probably like 15. And I remember thinking like, don't do that a lot. 0.99

01:32:59.000 Whatever the fuck that is, we need to figure out how to avoid that shit. 0.99

01:33:03.000 And luckily it was in training the first time I got hit really hard. 1.00

01:33:06.000 So it was like, he didn't try to kill me.

01:33:08.000 Were you wearing the head? 1.00

01:33:10.000 No, we weren't wearing shit. 1.00

01:33:11.000 I had a mouthpiece. 0.99

01:33:12.000 That's it.

01:33:13.000 I don't want to do the equivalent of, oh, you're a comedian, tell me a joke.

01:33:17.000 But...

01:33:19.000 I'm such a non-fighter.

01:33:21.000 I don't have any experience fighting.

01:33:23.000 But what is something I could take with me if I find myself in a first fight?

01:33:27.000 What is like a must?

01:33:28.000 It's nothing.

01:33:29.000 It's nothing.

01:33:31.000 Protect my face?

01:33:32.000 Hit first?

01:33:34.000 This is the equivalent of me taking someone who's never even done anything on stage and saying, they say to me, hey, I'm going to go do stand-up tonight.

01:33:42.000 What can I do?

01:33:43.000 Right.

01:33:44.000 I would say move the mic stand out of your way.

01:33:46.000 I wouldn't even say that.

01:33:48.000 You wouldn't say that. 1.00

01:33:48.000 I would say you're fucked. 1.00

01:33:49.000 You have to just experience it. 1.00

01:33:51.000 It's like a language.

01:33:53.000 Fighting is like a language and most people can't string two words together.

01:33:59.000 They literally don't know how...

01:34:01.000 There's so much to understand with distance and defense and offense and body mechanics and when you're vulnerable and when you're not.

01:34:11.000 It's complicated.

01:34:12.000 Well, that's why, and this is good that I asked you that, because that's why I will continue to avoid fighting.

01:34:18.000 Yeah.

01:34:19.000 Yeah, as best I can.

01:34:20.000 Do you ever train any kind of martial art as exercise or boxing class or anything?

01:34:25.000 I haven't. 0.98

01:34:25.000 I've done a bullshit boxing class once. 0.98

01:34:28.000 It was very general, free with the gym membership type thing, but I would love to. 0.96

01:34:33.000 I think it would humble me, which would be good.

01:34:38.000 But I just don't have that.

01:34:40.000 I've never experienced that.

01:34:42.000 Just like I've, you know, never been introduced to that.

01:34:44.000 But I think, I mean, I feel too skinny and too lanky for that.

01:34:47.000 You're not, actually.

01:34:49.000 It's actually for jujitsu.

01:34:50.000 You have a very good frame, believe it or not.

01:34:52.000 I got a good jujitsu frame?

01:34:53.000 Why?

01:34:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:34:53.000 Because of leverage.

01:34:55.000 Leverage.

01:34:55.000 Yeah, and also shorter people like myself, I have shorter arms.

01:34:59.000 It's harder to get certain techniques, particularly like triangles and things like that. 0.99

01:35:04.000 Shit, man. 1.00

01:35:04.000 Your legs are nice and long. 1.00

01:35:06.000 You have all this room to close up chokes and do two things, and you have leverage for your techniques. 0.60

01:35:12.000 Yeah, there's actually some of the best jujitsu players are tall and long. 0.99

01:35:15.000 No shit. 0.99

01:35:16.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:35:18.000 I would be afraid of getting hit, but maybe...

01:35:20.000 Well, you don't get hit in jujitsu.

01:35:21.000 Okay, good.

01:35:22.000 Jujitsu is just grappling.

01:35:24.000 Right, okay.

01:35:25.000 I bet you'd excel at it, particularly because of your background with tennis being such a technical sport.

01:35:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:31.000 You know, tennis is extremely technical.

01:35:32.000 For sure.

01:35:33.000 And it's also very explosive, right?

01:35:34.000 You have to jump back and forth and this and that.

01:35:37.000 And in jujitsu, it's both very technical and very explosive as well.

01:35:40.000 That's interesting to hear because that's kind of what I love about tennis is the relationship between explosive power but then like very small, fine technical adjustments.

01:35:53.000 Like golfers spend like hours on their swing.

01:35:57.000 We have that and we have 10 swings and one point.

01:36:00.000 But it's interesting to hear the comparison to jiu-jitsu. 0.98

01:36:02.000 Maybe I'll fucking start getting out there. 0.81

01:36:04.000 It'd be fun to do, but it's a terrible thing to do during COVID, because you're literally on each other's face. 0.98

01:36:04.000 Yeah, man. 0.98

01:36:09.000 You have people literally sweating in your mouth.

01:36:12.000 And tennis is the best for social distance.

01:36:12.000 Right.

01:36:15.000 You're 78 feet away from your opponent, and you're divided by a physical barrier.

01:36:19.000 People are talking about that, actually.

01:36:21.000 I saw an ad where they were actually encouraging people to play tennis.

01:36:25.000 Be social while socially distancing. 0.99

01:36:27.000 But so many people's knees are fucked, and tennis seems like the worst sport if you're fucked up knees. 0.99

01:36:33.000 And for some reason in this country, all kids play on this hard asphalt court. 0.99

01:36:40.000 And in Europe, Scandinavian countries, they're playing on a soft clay in the summer and a soft carpet indoor in the winter.

01:36:50.000 And this also creates longer-term tennis players. 0.87

01:36:54.000 So yeah, in the States, it's so much hardcore and it does fuck up your knees. 0.68

01:37:00.000 It's a great, great sport. 0.61

01:37:03.000 Yeah, the lack of cushioning on hard surfaces is terrible for your knees. 0.99

01:37:08.000 Like playing anything outside on concrete, like we have a little basketball net in my backyard and my knees are fucked. 0.99

01:37:15.000 And just playing with my kids. 1.00

01:37:17.000 But what are your knees fucked from? 0.99

01:37:18.000 Jiu-jitsu, kickboxing, everything. 0.99

01:37:21.000 Impact on the floor or being hit?

01:37:24.000 Mostly being twisted.

01:37:25.000 Yeah.

01:37:26.000 Yeah, my knees are just torn.

01:37:28.000 This one is actually from...

01:37:30.000 I heard this one fairly recently in a kicking competition with a friend of mine.

01:37:35.000 Jesus Christ.

01:37:36.000 Yeah, I had this machine at the old studio, and it registered how hard you hit.

01:37:41.000 And this friend of mine, who's a world champion kickboxer, came in, and he wanted to do this kicking competition with me.

01:37:48.000 I'm like, okay. 0.97

01:37:49.000 So, with pants on, 52 years old, fucking slamming roundhouse kicks into this pad, I tore one of my, part of my meniscus. 1.00

01:37:59.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:38:00.000 Yeah, it's functional. 1.00

01:38:02.000 Like, I can, I still kick really hard with it, but afterwards it hurts a little bit.

01:38:06.000 It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's one of those things where meniscus is like...

01:38:11.000 They're really close to being able to figure out how to regenerate that tissue.

01:38:16.000 They're real close.

01:38:17.000 And some people bite the bullet and get knee replacements.

01:38:21.000 And you can do that now...

01:38:26.000 Right.

01:38:43.000 And apparently he was competing without an ACL for a long time and really fucked up his knee. 0.96

01:38:53.000 And because he fucked up his knee, he got to a point where there was no fixing it. 0.71

01:39:01.000 Isn't the hip replacement super easy now? 0.99

01:39:04.000 The hip replacement is doable.

01:39:09.000 His name is Matthew Vincent.

01:39:15.000 Highland Games.

01:39:16.000 Yeah.

01:39:16.000 See if you can find it.

01:39:17.000 Here, hold on a second, Jamie.

01:39:18.000 I'll send you his...

01:39:20.000 I always forget how to do this on Instagram.

01:39:24.000 Share profile.

01:39:25.000 Here it goes.

01:39:28.000 Hold on a second.

01:39:30.000 Yeah, I've been very lucky with knees and ankles and shoulders, but I'm also a comic now.

01:39:37.000 I can sleep all day. 0.68

01:39:38.000 You didn't fuck up your knees at all? 0.99

01:39:39.000 No, knees not at all. 0.99

01:39:41.000 That's amazing.

01:39:42.000 You got him?

01:39:43.000 Oh yeah, that's him.

01:39:45.000 Okay, so this gentleman, he's a gorilla. 1.00

01:39:47.000 Look at the size of this motherfucker. 0.99

01:39:49.000 And he won the Highland Games, and he had his knee replaced. 0.99

01:39:53.000 So go back to his profile.

01:39:56.000 So go back to his profile. 1.00

01:39:57.000 Zoom in on his dick. 1.00

01:39:59.000 Zoom in on his kayak. 1.00

01:40:01.000 Go down and you can see him after he had his knee replaced.

01:40:07.000 Go down.

01:40:10.000 That is some funny pictures.

01:40:12.000 Look at somebody's grin.

01:40:13.000 So that's after he got his knee replaced.

01:40:16.000 So what they do is they open up your knee and then they change the surface.

01:40:21.000 So where your cartilage is all torn up, they put this intensely dense plastic on the top of your femur and on the top of your tibia.

01:40:33.000 Whoa.

01:40:33.000 And they put those together, and then you heal up.

01:40:40.000 And then afterwards, I mean, this guy's...

01:40:42.000 Look, he's doing this. 0.97

01:40:44.000 But go back to his profile pics, because I want to show some of the shit that he can do now. 0.97

01:40:48.000 Scroll up a little bit. 0.93

01:40:50.000 So this is after he's...

01:40:51.000 Right there.

01:40:53.000 Look at the movement this guy can do.

01:40:55.000 He's got an artificial...

01:40:55.000 Whoa!

01:40:56.000 That's a fake knee.

01:40:58.000 Yeah, he's got a fake...

01:40:59.000 But it's not a fake knee.

01:41:00.000 It's just the surface is no longer cartilage.

01:41:03.000 Now the surface is this insanely dense plastic.

01:41:06.000 But I mean, go back to that again, please.

01:41:09.000 Look at how this man moves. 0.99

01:41:10.000 I mean, he's a fucking gorilla, but that right knee is what he's pivoting on. 0.99

01:41:16.000 That right knee is totally resurfaced. 0.99

01:41:20.000 It used to be you thought, well, you get your knee fixed.

01:41:23.000 I've seen people with artificial knees.

01:41:25.000 They move like a robot.

01:41:26.000 You're real stiff.

01:41:27.000 You can't do anything.

01:41:28.000 But he has all the original ligaments and tendons.

01:41:31.000 I'm sure those have been repaired as well because his ACL was blown out, which was one of the reasons why he had to do it in the first place.

01:41:38.000 But he can move now like an athlete.

01:41:41.000 Wow.

01:41:41.000 It didn't used to be the case.

01:41:43.000 The body...

01:41:44.000 It's amazing, isn't it?

01:41:46.000 Yeah, but they're not sure...

01:41:47.000 The tool we have?

01:41:48.000 We're real close to being able to do it with biologics or being able to do it with surgery.

01:41:54.000 What was that?

01:41:55.000 You just...

01:41:56.000 Okay.

01:41:57.000 Is he moving around in that too?

01:41:59.000 Go back to that.

01:42:00.000 Because I think he was running.

01:42:02.000 Oh, okay. 0.98

01:42:03.000 So he's doing all kinds of different Highland game shit with like kettlebells and clubs and stuff. 0.93

01:42:09.000 You can do things now with these resurfaced joints that you really couldn't do before. 0.97

01:42:16.000 So every year they're getting better and better at repairing and replacing.

01:42:21.000 But the thing that's interesting to me is...

01:42:24.000 Being able to biologically regenerate tissue.

01:42:27.000 They've done a lot of that with stem cells, and they've been able to do a lot of, like, I had a really fucked up shoulder at one point in time, and I had a full-length rotator cuff tear, completely healed from stem cells, completely, where the doctor freaked out.

01:42:27.000 Yeah.

01:42:42.000 When we did a second MRI, he was like, do you understand how crazy this is?

01:42:46.000 Like, you had a full-length rotator cuff tear, now you don't have any tear.

01:42:49.000 Like, it's gone.

01:42:50.000 And now I do everything with this arm.

01:42:51.000 I mean, they were saying I was going to need surgery.

01:42:53.000 They were like, we're going to probably have to repair that.

01:42:55.000 Where did you get the stem cells from?

01:42:57.000 It was in Vegas.

01:42:59.000 Dr. Rod McGee.

01:43:00.000 What up, Dr. Rod?

01:43:00.000 Shout out to Dr. Rod McGee.

01:43:01.000 Yeah, and I did it with him, and I also did it in a place in LA. I've done stem cells there, too.

01:43:11.000 That's in Santa Monica called Lifespan Medicine.

01:43:14.000 Shout out to Dr. Ben Ruhi.

01:43:16.000 So those guys helped me out tremendously.

01:43:18.000 You can prolong the process.

01:43:22.000 You can save yourself and you can keep yourself active. 1.00

01:43:26.000 But I fucking torture my body. 1.00

01:43:29.000 I do a lot of shit. 1.00

01:43:30.000 And it's all high impact, explosive. 1.00

01:43:33.000 I see the sauna pics, dude. 0.99

01:43:36.000 You're fucking sweating your ass off. 1.00

01:43:37.000 I do that every day. 1.00

01:43:38.000 Oh, dude.

01:43:39.000 Every day.

01:43:40.000 And now, because Texas actually gets really cold, right?

01:43:42.000 So in the wintertime, like right now, this morning, I got up, it was like 35 degrees.

01:43:46.000 It was cold this morning.

01:43:47.000 I went for a jog this morning, yeah.

01:43:48.000 So I do a hot sauna for 25 minutes at 185 degrees, and then I do a cold shower for 10 minutes.

01:43:55.000 But did you have this...

01:43:56.000 The house had the sauna?

01:43:57.000 No, I installed it.

01:43:58.000 You installed it?

01:43:59.000 Yeah, I installed it.

01:44:00.000 You gotta miss that California hiking, no?

01:44:03.000 I do a little bit.

01:44:04.000 Yeah, I enjoyed hiking with the dog.

01:44:06.000 That was like my bonding time with the dog.

01:44:08.000 But now I just hang out with him.

01:44:09.000 Yeah.

01:44:10.000 I love that...

01:44:12.000 You can hike here.

01:44:13.000 Yeah, okay.

01:44:13.000 I haven't done that.

01:44:14.000 There's trails here.

01:44:15.000 Yeah, this is the hill country.

01:44:16.000 There's actual hiking trails here.

01:44:17.000 But I used to have it right outside my door.

01:44:20.000 What's your take on Olympic athletes who have a new knee, hip?

01:44:28.000 You know, at what point...

01:44:30.000 Do we start regulating that?

01:44:32.000 Is that allowed?

01:44:35.000 It doesn't offer a performance benefit.

01:44:37.000 Unless it offers a performance benefit.

01:44:38.000 Yeah, there's no performance benefit in resurfaced knees.

01:44:40.000 In fact, it's very unlikely that you're ever going to be able to compete at the same level that someone would do before an injury like that.

01:44:47.000 But it might be close.

01:44:49.000 The resurfaced knee thing is fascinating to me because it seems like they've got it down to the point where these things aren't failing.

01:44:58.000 So these people are doing things like they're doing martial arts, they're running, and the doctors are saying it's okay to run on these things, which is like crazy.

01:45:09.000 Because what they're doing is extremely dense plastic, and they're resurfacing the tops of people's knees with this insanely dense plastic.

01:45:09.000 Wow.

01:45:21.000 It's crazy that it can live in our body and our immune system doesn't attack it.

01:45:26.000 They figured it out.

01:45:27.000 I don't know how.

01:45:29.000 Your body actually binds to it.

01:45:32.000 Your body actually grows into it.

01:45:34.000 It takes a while for it to heal, but your body accepts this plastic.

01:45:39.000 It's crazy that we can be, we can discover that, and then there's also the people that throw the full McDonald's bag out the window.

01:45:47.000 Of civilization, though.

01:45:49.000 You know, and I find myself too often focusing on the McDonald's bag.

01:45:49.000 I know!

01:45:54.000 Yeah.

01:45:54.000 And instead focus on, like, the fact that we've got people that have figured that out or know, I mean, it's unbelievable.

01:45:59.000 Well, how about the mRNA vaccine, right?

01:46:01.000 Somebody figured out a vaccine.

01:46:03.000 They figured out a way to get a COVID vaccine, fast track it, you know, inside of seven, eight, nine months, whatever it took to do this.

01:46:10.000 And they're going to be able to launch that.

01:46:12.000 And, you know, some people are apprehensive about it.

01:46:15.000 But the crazy thing is that they figured out how to do this.

01:46:18.000 And for some people... 1.00

01:46:21.000 These are human beings that coexist with the dumbest amongst us. 1.00

01:46:26.000 I know. 1.00

01:46:26.000 Some people are so fucking smart, they know how to engineer vaccines. 1.00

01:46:30.000 I truly felt this wave of emotion when I learned that this vaccines... 0.98

01:46:50.000 You're in Brooklyn.

01:46:58.000 Taken by that.

01:46:59.000 That is unbelievable human feat.

01:47:01.000 It is, but guess what? 1.00

01:47:02.000 You need capitalism to do that because those motherfuckers want to get paid. 1.00

01:47:06.000 Pfizer has a long history. 0.99

01:47:09.000 You can go back.

01:47:10.000 Pfizer has a long history of getting in trouble. 0.99

01:47:12.000 They have a long history of doing some shady shit. 0.98

01:47:15.000 And they've cut some corners. 0.99

01:47:17.000 I'm sure.

01:47:18.000 I could send you some articles, Jamie.

01:47:20.000 And did they refuse to...

01:47:22.000 No.

01:47:22.000 They didn't want to be...

01:47:23.000 I can find them.

01:47:25.000 Jamie's like, I got them in my pocket. 0.90

01:47:26.000 Yeah, Pfizer's done some shitty things.

01:47:28.000 But, listen, Pfizer fined for hiking epilepsy drug price $2,600.

01:47:35.000 Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion agrees to criminal plea. 1.00

01:47:39.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99

01:47:40.000 Pfizer pleads guilty and drug fraud. 1.00

01:47:44.000 Yeah, they've paid a lot of money because they're capitalists.

01:47:50.000 But that's also why they finance something like this.

01:47:53.000 They want a windfall at the end of this.

01:47:56.000 Like, yeah, they want to help society, and yeah, we love everybody.

01:47:59.000 They want money.

01:48:00.000 And to help society, it has to be valuable to them. 1.00

01:48:04.000 To these fucking crooks that make all these vaccines, these people that finance this stuff, they're not crooks. 0.99

01:48:10.000 They're just capitalists. 0.99

01:48:11.000 And people don't like that combination of those things that coexist together.

01:48:14.000 But that's literally how human beings work.

01:48:17.000 I said it before, I am impressed with capitalism from the standpoint of watching small businesses adapt and also this vaccine thing.

01:48:26.000 It's crazy to me. 0.99

01:48:27.000 Now, I also think Pfizer refused to be a part of Operation Warp Speed because they didn't want, like, government to be looking at their shit. 0.99

01:48:34.000 Which I think is why him and Trump and them had a disagreement about the amount of vaccine. 1.00

01:48:40.000 But I also kind of like that Pfizer was like, hey, fuck the government. 1.00

01:48:43.000 We'll do our own thing because we want to do our own secret shit in the lab over here. 1.00

01:48:46.000 So they went quick. 0.99

01:48:48.000 Well, they know the amount of money that they're going to generate after selling 300 million vaccines or whatever the fuck they're going to sell. 0.99

01:48:55.000 It's going to be insane. 0.97

01:48:57.000 This is going to be a huge financial boon to those people. 0.89

01:49:03.000 I mean, it's going to be fucking magnificent for their money.

01:49:06.000 It's going to go through the roof. 0.98

01:49:08.000 Vaccines typically are not super profitable, but because every fucking human on Earth is going to get this, yes, it is. 0.99

01:49:15.000 Yeah, it's going to be nuts. 0.99

01:49:17.000 And it's going to be fucking expensive. 0.74

01:49:19.000 I wonder how Pfizer stock's doing. 0.97

01:49:20.000 It might be too late now.

01:49:22.000 Likely end up selling close to $14 billion worth worldwide in 2021. Wow.

01:49:29.000 And they also do Viagra, right?

01:49:32.000 Yeah.

01:49:33.000 They do all the good stuff.

01:49:36.000 Are you going to take the vaccine?

01:49:39.000 You already had it, you think?

01:49:40.000 I think I already had it, but of course they recommend you take it if you already had it.

01:49:47.000 Yeah, I will.

01:49:48.000 I'll take the vaccine.

01:49:49.000 Yeah, I'm probably going to get shot up.

01:49:51.000 Yeah.

01:49:53.000 I'm wondering, though.

01:49:54.000 You do it publicly?

01:49:55.000 Because you know there'll be pressure on you to do that publicly.

01:49:57.000 Will there be?

01:49:57.000 By who?

01:49:58.000 No, no.

01:49:59.000 Nobody will put pressure on you, but people are doing it publicly. 1.00

01:50:04.000 Biden receives first dose bullshit. 0.99

01:50:06.000 You know what there's in there? 1.00

01:50:07.000 Steroids.

01:50:08.000 They're hooking them up.

01:50:09.000 They shot them up with Adderall just to keep them talking.

01:50:12.000 I think...

01:50:13.000 I think it's good to do it publicly, because I think there are some people that are really afraid and don't, or conspiracy, you know, and I think, I believe in it.

01:50:13.000 That's crazy.

01:50:21.000 I believe in it.

01:50:22.000 Well, I certainly believe in vaccines.

01:50:24.000 But this is one of the things that I do believe.

01:50:24.000 Yeah.

01:50:26.000 There's consequences to vaccines for a small percentage of the population, always.

01:50:31.000 Yeah.

01:50:31.000 Because of the biological variability of human beings.

01:50:34.000 But people focus on that a little bit too much.

01:50:37.000 But I feel like there was a perception that a vaccine was 100% perfect all the time, and whoever's in charge of vaccinating us has not done a good job explaining to people what you just said, that there will be a small percentage that will have a difficulty with this vaccine.

01:50:54.000 Well, this is the thing about COVID, right?

01:50:56.000 If you look at the amount of people that get COVID, it's a very small percentage of people who die from it, right?

01:51:02.000 It's less than 1%.

01:51:04.000 If you look at the amount of people who get vaccinated, it's a very small percentage of people that are going to have a...

01:51:11.000 But if we concentrate only on the small percentages in both cases, we have a very distorted perception of what it is. 0.71

01:51:17.000 You know, one of the things that's happened during this pandemic is the amount of people that have died from heart disease is fucking astronomical. 0.67

01:51:26.000 It's more than half a million people. 0.91

01:51:26.000 Is that right? 0.91

01:51:28.000 No, excuse me.

01:51:30.000 I think it's in the 600,000 range.

01:51:33.000 It's normally the leading cause of American death, right?

01:51:36.000 It still is.

01:51:37.000 But there's no concern with stopping heart disease.

01:51:40.000 I was trying to turn this into a joke.

01:51:44.000 The...

01:51:45.000 Outrage over COVID, and I'm like, because I think it just passed heart disease this year or something.

01:51:51.000 I think it's heart disease at 600 plus, and then cancer at 500 plus. 0.97

01:51:55.000 I had that fucked up in my head. 0.61

01:51:57.000 I think it's heart disease 6, cancer 500, and then COVID. But it's also COVID plus 2.6 comorbidity factors. 0.97

01:52:08.000 The actual COVID is only 6%.

01:52:10.000 I know.

01:52:11.000 So the actual COVID is like 60,000 people from COVID itself, which is still significant. 0.95

01:52:16.000 It still sucks.

01:52:17.000 But it's not just COVID. It's poor health. 0.99

01:52:22.000 Look, we have a fucking soft existence. 0.99

01:52:26.000 And there's a lot of people walking around there like human water balloons. 1.00

01:52:30.000 Just sloshy, gooey, just filled with cake and nonsense. 0.68

01:52:37.000 They don't take care of their meat vehicle.

01:52:39.000 You go to Europe.

01:52:41.000 You walk through everywhere.

01:52:43.000 If you see from a distance some large people, you get closer to them, they're always wearing an Ohio State t-shirt.

01:52:51.000 Sorry, Auburn.

01:52:52.000 Whatever you want to say.

01:52:54.000 He gets pissed at Ohio State.

01:52:57.000 You guys didn't even want to play this year.

01:52:59.000 Oh, that's right.

01:53:00.000 There was the COVID thing.

01:53:02.000 I'm from Ann Arbor, but I went to University of Illinois.

01:53:05.000 Illinois will play everybody because they lose to everybody.

01:53:07.000 But it's always a big, baggy American university.

01:53:11.000 Of course.

01:53:11.000 Because it's just sloppy.

01:53:13.000 We're sloppy, man.

01:53:14.000 We have a lot of food here.

01:53:17.000 And the food, a lot of it is really bad for you.

01:53:21.000 You know, I mean, we're in Texas. 0.99

01:53:23.000 There's a lot of food here that will fuck you up if you just eat it only. 0.99

01:53:27.000 Dude, this morning... 0.98

01:53:30.000 I could not get a healthy thing of food.

01:53:34.000 Where'd you go?

01:53:35.000 The hotel, it just has croissant ham cheese. 1.00

01:53:40.000 It's just shit, dude. 0.99

01:53:43.000 I'm going to feel hungover after eating it. 1.00

01:53:45.000 I'm not saying I don't dig that sometimes, but wake up morning, no.

01:53:49.000 I had a workout and wanted to...

01:53:51.000 And it's just tough.

01:53:52.000 It's just tough.

01:53:53.000 This is a good city for food.

01:53:55.000 There's a lot of good healthy food here.

01:53:56.000 You just have to look around.

01:53:57.000 I need to know where I'm going.

01:53:58.000 Yeah, it's one of those things.

01:53:59.000 You've got to find the options.

01:54:01.000 There's a lot of healthy people here.

01:54:02.000 A lot of people exercising.

01:54:04.000 And fortunately, the gyms are open, which I really appreciate.

01:54:07.000 That's one of the things that drives me crazy, the fact they closed down gyms.

01:54:11.000 Because first of all, for mental health, gyms are... 0.99

01:54:14.000 It's a real problem with people when they have...

01:54:17.000 You know, there's real consequences to people not being able to exercise.

01:54:21.000 They go crazy.

01:54:22.000 I know I would go crazy.

01:54:24.000 I would have to figure out some other way to do it.

01:54:25.000 And some people just aren't that industrious.

01:54:28.000 They don't find a bodyweight video on YouTube, a bodyweight exercise video.

01:54:32.000 They just sulk and get angry.

01:54:35.000 And those body weight videos will get you. 1.00

01:54:37.000 They'll fuck you up, man. 1.00

01:54:38.000 They will get you. 1.00

01:54:38.000 I never knew which weight my body had when I'm like, those body... 1.00

01:54:42.000 Dude, I was hotel workouts, fireman workouts, whatever you call them.

01:54:45.000 They will get you.

01:54:48.000 Those TRX things?

01:54:48.000 You know what's great?

01:54:49.000 Do you have a TRX? Is that the band?

01:54:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:54:52.000 Amazing.

01:54:53.000 Orange Theory has just been putting out a daily workout that's different every day.

01:54:58.000 Shout out to them.

01:54:58.000 I appreciate them very much for doing that.

01:55:00.000 And...

01:55:01.000 You know, you just feel better.

01:55:06.000 Every problem, if I go through a workout, it just seems more manageable after that.

01:55:12.000 Right?

01:55:12.000 A thousand percent.

01:55:13.000 I say that so often, people are mad at me.

01:55:13.000 Yeah.

01:55:16.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

01:55:16.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

01:55:18.000 Shut up about exercising, meathead! 1.00

01:55:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:22.000 It's been very true for me. 0.98

01:55:24.000 What was I going to fucking say about... 0.98

01:55:27.000 Bodyweight workouts? 1.00

01:55:28.000 You're talking about bodyweight workouts kicking your ass? 0.99

01:55:30.000 Bodyweight workouts are great. 0.99

01:55:31.000 It was...

01:55:33.000 I can't remember. 1.00

01:55:33.000 Fucking yoga. 1.00

01:55:34.000 You could find yoga videos on YouTube. 1.00

01:55:37.000 All you need is like six square feet around you.

01:55:41.000 You don't even need a large area and you can get an amazing workout.

01:55:46.000 I dread a yoga workout more than any other workout. 0.99

01:55:48.000 It's fucking hard! 0.98

01:55:49.000 Dread. 0.99

01:55:49.000 I mean, all day I'll go. 0.99

01:55:51.000 I told myself I promised I would do it, but it is so beneficial.

01:55:55.000 I find as I get older, everything needs to be unwound, untangled, and yoga does that. 0.98

01:56:02.000 But, oh, I fucking hate it. 0.93

01:56:03.000 You know what it also does? 0.99

01:56:04.000 It forces you to hold a pose and think. 1.00

01:56:08.000 It forces you to deal with your own bullshit. 1.00

01:56:11.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

01:56:11.000 Where it's like, one of the things that I love about kettlebells, right? 1.00

01:56:14.000 The kettlebells are my favorite weights to lift because you're doing things, you're thinking about these things while you're doing it.

01:56:21.000 It requires this coordination, but I don't I have to concentrate too much on myself while I'm doing it.

01:56:29.000 I get lost in the movements.

01:56:30.000 You know, clean, press, squat.

01:56:32.000 Clean, press, squat.

01:56:34.000 I'm doing these things. 0.99

01:56:35.000 But with yoga, when you're holding these poses, you're like, I really do need to clean my fucking office. 0.99

01:56:41.000 I need to get my shit together. 0.98

01:56:42.000 Why did I react that way to that person? 0.96

01:56:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:45.000 All those things.

01:56:47.000 There's a mental cleansing.

01:56:50.000 Yeah.

01:56:51.000 It's an introspective dousing.

01:56:55.000 You're forced to think about yourself when you're alone with your thoughts during these poses.

01:57:00.000 Maybe that's why I hate it, yeah.

01:57:01.000 Also, I find my willingness to quit disturbing.

01:57:07.000 When I'm holding a pose, and I know I can hold it for another 10 seconds, but I'm thinking about not.

01:57:14.000 I'm thinking about quitting. 0.99

01:57:15.000 I'm like, hey, pussy, you got 10 more seconds. 1.00

01:57:18.000 You can't hang in there for 10 more seconds? 1.00

01:57:20.000 Aren't you approaching it like the kettlebell guy?

01:57:24.000 Because wouldn't a yogi say, let your mind...

01:57:28.000 Stop doing it.

01:57:29.000 I'm like this. 1.00

01:57:30.000 I'm going to hold this fucking thing. 0.99

01:57:31.000 I said I'm going to do it. 0.99

01:57:32.000 But it's like, yo, isn't it supposed to be like...

01:57:34.000 I don't know.

01:57:36.000 I like Bikrams, right? 0.99

01:57:38.000 I know Bikram's a scumbag, but... 1.00

01:57:40.000 There's a few stories. 1.00

01:57:44.000 He seems like a very sketchy human.

01:57:46.000 That's the super, super hot one.

01:57:47.000 Yeah, but it's not him.

01:57:49.000 Even the idea of doing it in heat, he might have brought it to America, but those poses have existed for thousands of years.

01:57:54.000 The poses are what's amazing.

01:57:56.000 And what I like about the heat is there's another element that forces your body to produce heat shock proteins.

01:58:03.000 And there's actually a study that's being done right now at Harvard showing the positive health benefits of yoga in heat, and they think that it mimics the positive health benefits of sauna.

01:58:15.000 So they've done this study in Norway that showed A 40% decrease in all-cause mortality from sauna use.

01:58:22.000 I saw that.

01:58:23.000 Incredible!

01:58:24.000 Like, if you go over 20 minutes...

01:58:26.000 Man, 20 minutes, four days a week, 40% decrease in stroke, heart attack, cancer, everything.

01:58:32.000 So I am all about that.

01:58:34.000 I know it's doing something. 0.75

01:58:36.000 I fucking feel great after I get out of there. 0.90

01:58:39.000 When I do 25 minutes in the sauna and then 10 minutes of a cold shower afterwards, I just feel like a new human. 0.99

01:58:45.000 If you could give someone that in a pill, they would take it all day long.

01:58:48.000 It's amazing.

01:58:50.000 But they think there's a mimicking of that with hot yoga, and they think that also with hot yoga, you get the exercise benefit as well.

01:59:01.000 I've seen people that are in these classes that are in their 60s and 70s, and they look great.

01:59:06.000 And they're addicted to it.

01:59:07.000 They're in there every day and fit and strong.

01:59:09.000 I just think there's a real benefit to that, not just physically, but psychologically.

01:59:15.000 I remember I was doing yoga a lot, and some guy rear-ended my car while he was on his phone.

01:59:21.000 And I wasn't even angry.

01:59:23.000 I got out.

01:59:24.000 I was so peaceful.

01:59:25.000 I was like, what are you doing, man?

01:59:27.000 He's like, I'm sorry I didn't see. 1.00

01:59:28.000 And I'm like, fuck. 1.00

01:59:29.000 He didn't even have a driver's license. 1.00

01:59:31.000 He's from Mexico. 0.98

01:59:32.000 He's illegal.

01:59:34.000 And I was like, dude.

01:59:35.000 And I was like, okay, listen, the cops are coming. 0.98

01:59:37.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:59:38.000 I just told him to get out of there. 0.99

01:59:39.000 I just took off.

01:59:40.000 I was like, let's get out of here.

01:59:41.000 He's a young guy.

01:59:42.000 I go, why are you driving?

01:59:44.000 He goes, I got to work.

01:59:44.000 You don't have a license?

01:59:46.000 But it wasn't, I was like, okay, I get it. 0.99

01:59:48.000 Hey, here I am, this guy who has this fucking nice car. 0.91

01:59:52.000 And this guy plowed into me. 1.00

01:59:54.000 His car was more fucked than mine. 1.00

01:59:55.000 I drove to the store. 0.99

01:59:56.000 My rear end of my car was caved in when I got to the store.

01:59:59.000 I even made it to my set.

02:00:01.000 But I was so calm, and I think it had to be because of yoga.

02:00:05.000 I was like, okay.

02:00:07.000 I shook his hand.

02:00:08.000 I said, I'll see you later. 1.00

02:00:11.000 He was fucked. 0.99

02:00:12.000 I mean, that's nice of you. 1.00

02:00:13.000 Obviously, what are you going to do?

02:00:15.000 I'm in a position where it's just money.

02:00:18.000 My health was okay.

02:00:20.000 He was okay. 0.99

02:00:22.000 I've fucked up before. 1.00

02:00:24.000 Everybody's fucked up. 1.00

02:00:25.000 If you drive, you fuck up. 1.00

02:00:26.000 But it was one of those things where I'm like, God, I was driving. 0.99

02:00:29.000 I was like, that's got to be yoga.

02:00:31.000 Like, it has to be.

02:00:32.000 Because I'm so not concerned.

02:00:35.000 I was so relaxed about it.

02:00:36.000 It was like a different feeling of, you know, if someone, people can catch you at the wrong time in your life when you're all stressed out in the same exact situation can cause like a really bad reaction.

02:00:49.000 And I guess what I was thinking at the time was, I gotta strive to be the person I was when that guy rear-ended me as much as possible.

02:00:56.000 You know?

02:00:57.000 You were in a state, almost a hypnotic state, that you can probably put yourself in all the time with yoga.

02:01:05.000 I sometimes wonder if my workouts are too...

02:01:10.000 Explosive is the wrong word.

02:01:12.000 Agro? 0.87

02:01:13.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:01:15.000 And then I get done and I do feel this jolt.

02:01:18.000 Come on, world! 0.99

02:01:19.000 I want the guy to hit me so I can beat his ass or something, even though I don't know how to fight. 0.99

02:01:23.000 So would it benefit me to be in a more chill state? 1.00

02:01:27.000 Maybe.

02:01:28.000 Maybe that's why I dread yoga so much.

02:01:30.000 Maybe, but some people think that that would keep you from getting things done during the day, right?

02:01:36.000 Because there's a certain... 0.96

02:01:37.000 Just like you need capitalism for Pfizer to be able to make a vaccine, sometimes you need a little aggression to get shit done, to be competitive. 0.98

02:01:44.000 Yes. 0.99

02:01:44.000 People don't like to hear that, but there's a reason why there's this stereotype of the asshole businessman, right? 0.99

02:01:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:54.000 But those asshole businessmen get shit done. 1.00

02:01:56.000 I want that guy to work with me on my business. 1.00

02:02:00.000 Yeah, that's a fucking guy who's going crazy and getting cancer. 1.00

02:02:03.000 Because he's up till 2 o'clock in the morning. 1.00

02:02:04.000 He calls you up, Mike, we fucking got him! 1.00

02:02:06.000 We're going to bury these cunts! 1.00

02:02:08.000 He's like, that's my guy! 1.00

02:02:10.000 That's the guy you want to be in business with.

02:02:12.000 When I played tennis, if I was in super chill state mind, I always played okay, seemed happy, and lost.

02:02:22.000 And when I was a little bit, like, edgy and like, here we go, like, feet were moving.

02:02:22.000 Right?

02:02:27.000 Things were, you know, I could win.

02:02:28.000 Well, when I would fight, if I was really confident, I didn't fight well.

02:02:32.000 I had to be scared.

02:02:33.000 You had to be a little bit scared.

02:02:34.000 I would be nervous.

02:02:34.000 I remember fighting once in this tournament, and I was winning a lot of tournaments, so I was, like, real relaxed, and I wasn't nervous.

02:02:41.000 You were a taekwondo, right?

02:02:42.000 And when I went into this tournament, I didn't fight well.

02:02:42.000 Yeah.

02:02:42.000 Okay.

02:02:45.000 And I was in the middle of it.

02:02:47.000 I was like, God, I've got to shake out of this.

02:02:49.000 I was in the middle of a fight.

02:02:51.000 I was like, my reactions are slow.

02:02:53.000 Because I wasn't nervous.

02:02:54.000 You can't be too calm about it. 1.00

02:02:57.000 I was fighting like shit. 0.99

02:02:58.000 Whereas when I'm scared, you're on an edge. 1.00

02:03:01.000 And so much of that is fast twitch reaction.

02:03:06.000 You have to be...

02:03:06.000 At a hyper alertness.

02:03:08.000 You have to be nervous.

02:03:09.000 But no one wants to be nervous. 0.82

02:03:11.000 It's a shitty feeling.

02:03:12.000 That feeling of like, before I couldn't sleep, and I was just like, ugh.

02:03:16.000 You know, and you can't eat. 0.94

02:03:17.000 You're all fucking weirded out. 0.91

02:03:19.000 But that's the only way you perform at your best. 0.99

02:03:20.000 You have to be pressured.

02:03:22.000 I used to hate that with tennis.

02:03:24.000 If you couldn't eat, It was so detrimental because you had nerves, but you need that fuel.

02:03:30.000 In comedy, I like a little bit of nerves as well.

02:03:33.000 I think we all like a little bit of nerves.

02:03:34.000 But if I have to skip dinner, I can perform fine.

02:03:38.000 I don't eat before I perform.

02:03:39.000 I can't.

02:03:40.000 I can't eat.

02:03:41.000 But I remember with tennis, it was extra detrimental because if you're like...

02:03:51.000 Yeah.

02:04:02.000 They have to be.

02:04:03.000 Everything relies on...

02:04:04.000 I just can't imagine making a living off of my tissue.

02:04:08.000 Right.

02:04:09.000 Hoping all this stuff stays together.

02:04:11.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:12.000 And then some of them are doing wild shit on top of that, like fucking skiing and all kinds of other stuff. 0.99

02:04:17.000 God, you're putting yourself at risk all the time. 0.99

02:04:21.000 Then they'll hurt their shoulder moving their suitcase. 1.00

02:04:24.000 You just wasted fucking $15 million worth of money. 0.99

02:04:28.000 Did you used to eat a specific amount of time before you would play? 1.00

02:04:31.000 I would try to be on a little bit of a schedule, but where I was playing, I was playing minor league pro tournaments, I was in weird places, man.

02:04:41.000 You know, it was always like a different cuisine.

02:04:42.000 I was in like Kumamoto City, Japan.

02:04:45.000 And then I was in Z-Wantanejo, Mexico.

02:04:47.000 And then I was in some small windmill town in the Netherlands. 0.98

02:04:51.000 And it's like, you know, these aren't big tournaments with like catering and shit. 0.94

02:04:56.000 This is like, I got to get myself to the courts. 0.88

02:04:58.000 I got to pay for the taxi.

02:05:00.000 I got to find a breakfast and like... 1.00

02:05:02.000 So lots of times your shit was messed up, you know? 0.99

02:05:04.000 I would travel from the States with tons of granola and stuff just so I knew I could have some fuel. 0.99

02:05:12.000 I don't think the average sports fan at all ever thinks about the fuel that has to go into these athletes.

02:05:19.000 And I always wonder, American football players at halftime, they must be eating.

02:05:23.000 No?

02:05:24.000 Oh, yeah.

02:05:25.000 Like, they must be, that locker room talk, yeah, they're probably eating. 1.00

02:05:28.000 Well, those fucking guys are gigantic. 1.00

02:05:30.000 Fucking disgusting. 1.00

02:05:31.000 They have to have food constantly. 1.00

02:05:33.000 Yeah, but the thing about football, too, is like, you know, that's a long-ass game.

02:05:33.000 Always.

02:05:38.000 There's no way you're going to be exploding like that.

02:05:38.000 Dude.

02:05:41.000 Can you get by on just electrolyte drinks and some protein drinks and stuff like that?

02:05:41.000 Yes, yeah.

02:05:46.000 More and more now.

02:05:48.000 He's the fastest guy in the league.

02:05:49.000 He was caught, they're saying, but drinking a shot of pickle juice on the sideline, like in a little liquor bottle.

02:05:56.000 Is pickle juice bad?

02:05:57.000 No, it's like electrolytes.

02:05:58.000 It's sodium.

02:05:59.000 Yeah, pickle juice is sodium.

02:05:59.000 I like pickle juice.

02:06:01.000 So would they think he was drinking booze?

02:06:02.000 They didn't know what it was, yeah.

02:06:04.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:06:05.000 It looks like an alcohol from a...

02:06:07.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:06:08.000 That's funny.

02:06:09.000 He's drinking green.

02:06:10.000 But what alcohol is green like that?

02:06:12.000 I don't know.

02:06:12.000 Why would he be drinking alcohol in front of everybody?

02:06:15.000 They thought he was getting drunk?

02:06:16.000 I just make jokes.

02:06:16.000 Oh, God.

02:06:17.000 Are you allowed to?

02:06:19.000 What?

02:06:19.000 Are you allowed to have like a shot of whiskey while you're on the sidelines?

02:06:21.000 That's an interesting question.

02:06:23.000 Certainly not performance enhancing.

02:06:23.000 That's a good question.

02:06:25.000 No, not at all.

02:06:26.000 Weightlifters do it, right?

02:06:26.000 Yeah, a lot of weightlifters do.

02:06:28.000 Oh, do they?

02:06:29.000 Why?

02:06:29.000 Yeah, they drink.

02:06:30.000 I don't know.

02:06:31.000 I don't know.

02:06:32.000 I've never done it.

02:06:33.000 If you can do a breathing of a smelling salts to get a little excitement. 0.99

02:06:37.000 Well, I think those smelling salts, though, they crack those salts like powerlifters do, and they breathe that shit in, and they just... 0.99

02:06:43.000 And they lift weights. 1.00

02:06:45.000 But a lot of gay dudes like to do those before they... 0.93

02:06:49.000 Really? 0.98

02:06:50.000 Smelling salts?

02:06:51.000 Yeah, amyl nitrate.

02:06:52.000 Yeah, but I think that's different.

02:06:53.000 Are those poppers?

02:06:54.000 Yeah, that's poppers.

02:06:55.000 Okay.

02:06:56.000 I think that's different than smelling salts.

02:06:57.000 What if I just knew all about them right now?

02:06:59.000 Yeah, oh yeah, I got some right here.

02:07:00.000 Are they like these? 0.97

02:07:01.000 This is what I used to buttfuck. 1.00

02:07:03.000 These... 0.99

02:07:04.000 A male nitrate is apparently like, that stuff is terrible.

02:07:08.000 It gives you like almost instant brain damage.

02:07:10.000 It's really bad for the brain.

02:07:11.000 I was just about to say that I would actually try one of those just to see.

02:07:15.000 A friend of mine who's a doctor was telling me it was a significant issue in the gay community.

02:07:21.000 Because not only is it really bad for your brain, it also devastates your immune system. 0.74

02:07:25.000 It's really bad. 1.00

02:07:25.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:07:26.000 Like, apparently that stuff is like, they enjoy it. 1.00

02:07:29.000 Some folks enjoy it because it makes them like wild and loose. 1.00

02:07:32.000 But it just, your body's like, fuck you. 1.00

02:07:32.000 Right, right. 1.00

02:07:35.000 What did you just do to us? 1.00

02:07:36.000 It loosens up the, doesn't it loosen up their asshole or something? 1.00

02:07:39.000 Allegedly. 1.00

02:07:40.000 Allegedly.

02:07:41.000 Is this homophobic?

02:07:42.000 I'm not sure.

02:07:42.000 We love gay people.

02:07:43.000 It's not about that.

02:07:44.000 Yeah.

02:07:45.000 We're just talking about bodies and chemicals.

02:07:48.000 I know that rugby players like to booze a little, but during the game...

02:07:54.000 Do they?

02:07:55.000 Yeah, and with tennis, there's no clock in tennis, so some of these matches, pro matches, can be four or five hours, so they definitely have refueling strategies during the match, 100%.

02:08:06.000 Do you do like bananas?

02:08:07.000 Bananas are like a safe bet, right?

02:08:08.000 Yeah, bananas are a safe bet, but I think now it's like these gels, these high fructose...

02:08:13.000 Like bikers use, right? 1.00

02:08:14.000 Yes, correct.

02:08:15.000 Because you got to, man.

02:08:18.000 Yeah.

02:08:19.000 You start making mental errors and body breaks down. 0.97

02:08:21.000 I do a lot of fasted workouts, but one thing I never did fasted was jujitsu because you just get fucking strangled.

02:08:28.000 So what would you eat?

02:08:30.000 Oh, I'd eat fruit, mostly fruit.

02:08:32.000 In the morning, I'd say if I took a 10 a.m.

02:08:35.000 class and I'm up at 8, I'm eating a lot of fruit.

02:08:39.000 It has to be something like that.

02:08:41.000 I can eat fruit and then work out hard right afterwards.

02:08:44.000 Like apples or something like that.

02:08:46.000 Your body's not working too hard to break it down.

02:08:48.000 You're not doing like chicken parm before your jujitsu workout?

02:08:51.000 No, but I've done it.

02:08:52.000 It's the worst.

02:08:54.000 For whatever reason, pasta is the worst.

02:08:57.000 Pasta with cheese and sauce.

02:08:59.000 It's like you ate a brick.

02:09:01.000 Sometimes I'll get food to go, especially now, because everything's to go, and I'll be carrying it, and it's just so heavy.

02:09:08.000 And I'm going, this is all going to be in me. 0.97

02:09:10.000 All of this weight and this density that I'm carrying is going to be in my body, and that's fucking gross. 0.68

02:09:16.000 Well, I don't work out nearly as much as I used to, because I still work out a lot, but when I was doing jujitsu a lot, I was working out An hour and a half, multiple days a week, and then lifting weights on those other days. 0.98

02:09:30.000 So I could basically eat whatever the fuck I wanted to. 0.66

02:09:32.000 You're burning so much. 0.98

02:09:33.000 But the problem is, I'm a glutton, and I really enjoyed being able to eat whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to.

02:09:39.000 And then I tried to carry that on, and now I have to be careful, because I eat so much.

02:09:45.000 The volume of food I eat is so astonishing to me sometimes. 0.93

02:09:50.000 And literally, it packs into my stomach, and I look down, and I'm like, you are so disgusting!

02:09:55.000 Are you eating too fast? 1.00

02:09:57.000 No, I'm just a fucking glutton. 1.00

02:09:59.000 This is the right state for you, man. 0.99

02:10:00.000 Dude, I am done eating.

02:10:01.000 I'm not hungry anymore.

02:10:03.000 And I'm still eating. 0.97

02:10:05.000 That's a really gross thing about Americans.

02:10:08.000 We eat until we are full.

02:10:11.000 We use this term full.

02:10:13.000 Other cultures eat until they're no longer hungry.

02:10:13.000 Yes.

02:10:16.000 I have to run out of the kitchen.

02:10:18.000 Because if I don't, I'll start eating.

02:10:20.000 Someone gave us a tin of this caramel popcorn. 1.00

02:10:23.000 Dude, don't even fucking start me on that shit. 1.00

02:10:25.000 I know. 1.00

02:10:25.000 Holy shit, is it good? 1.00

02:10:25.000 You can just go like this. 1.00

02:10:27.000 I'm eating fistfuls of this.

02:10:28.000 I'm like, how many calories is this?

02:10:29.000 I'm looking at the volume of the popcorn I ate.

02:10:31.000 I'm like, how much sugar is in that?

02:10:33.000 That's so much food.

02:10:35.000 And I'm eating that after I ate dinner.

02:10:37.000 Because after you ate, if someone gives you something salty or sweet, you can keep going.

02:10:41.000 Forever.

02:10:41.000 That's like the trick that those competitive eaters do.

02:10:44.000 As long as you have fries, you can keep eating.

02:10:47.000 Because the sodium just doesn't send the signals or something? 1.00

02:10:51.000 It's like your body's like, yeah, pour more of that shit in here. 1.00

02:10:54.000 Let's keep going. 1.00

02:10:55.000 I had heard a theory that...

02:10:58.000 Genetically, that's how we were with sugar, because it was so hard to get this in our olden times that now it's like, Skittles, it's this big, keep going.

02:11:07.000 We need to load up on the sugar.

02:11:08.000 You have this opportunity for sugar.

02:11:10.000 Also, we've hijacked our system, right?

02:11:12.000 Because our body has no idea why the sugar is alone.

02:11:15.000 Why is the sugar not attached to fruit? 0.99

02:11:17.000 What the fuck is it? 0.99

02:11:19.000 Get it in there. 1.00

02:11:19.000 Let's get it all in there. 1.00

02:11:21.000 We did a story on sugar in Florida and how...

02:11:21.000 Sugar is crazy.

02:11:27.000 The industry would start polluting the oceans and it was creating the red tide that was killing all the manatees and it was fucking like they'd been dumping all of their nitrates that were a fertilizer for sugar in Lake Okeechobee in the center of Florida and it was hanging out at the bottom of the water and then eventually through a rainstorm it would come up and go to the ocean and it was like killing everything. 0.74

02:11:48.000 They had to shut down the beaches blah blah blah.

02:11:51.000 Trying to investigate sugar and sugar companies?

02:11:56.000 Watch out, dude. 1.00

02:11:57.000 They're fucking on it. 1.00

02:12:00.000 Sugar is scary. 1.00

02:12:03.000 What happened?

02:12:04.000 We couldn't get anyone to talk on camera.

02:12:06.000 We could not get an investigative journalist.

02:12:08.000 We could not get a local journalist.

02:12:09.000 We could not get a local person to go on camera and discuss their experiences with the sugar industry.

02:12:16.000 Also, it's people in Florida. 1.00

02:12:18.000 Also, it's dumbasses in Florida. 1.00

02:12:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:20.000 But it's fucked up. 0.99

02:12:22.000 I always say, why are they doing this to make sugar cheaper? 0.99

02:12:26.000 I'll pay a little more money if you take care of the environment, sugar companies, and I'll pay a little more for my sugar.

02:12:32.000 But that's not the way things work.

02:12:34.000 That's not capitalism.

02:12:35.000 But yeah, this idea you have of like, oh, I'll just pay more.

02:12:39.000 We'll just charge you more.

02:12:39.000 Oh, great.

02:12:40.000 Right.

02:12:41.000 We'll just do the right thing. 1.00

02:12:42.000 And then someone else is going to call on like, oh yeah, fuck you. 1.00

02:12:44.000 We're going to charge less and we're going to undercut you and we're going to get a hold of your distributors and we're going to talk to the people that you're selling to and we're going to look, I'll sell you this shit for half price and I'm going to poison some alligators. 1.00

02:12:55.000 Yep. 0.99

02:12:56.000 And our stock will shoot through the roof.

02:12:57.000 Yes.

02:12:58.000 Yes.

02:12:58.000 Well, that's the problem with this idea that we have of corporations.

02:13:04.000 When you have a CEO, that CEO is responsible every year for making sure they make more money every year.

02:13:10.000 Yeah.

02:13:11.000 I mean, it has to grow infinitely.

02:13:13.000 When do you stop?

02:13:14.000 Never.

02:13:15.000 Never.

02:13:15.000 And you blow up the world.

02:13:18.000 That would be an interesting regulation, if you could only grow your company a certain amount each year.

02:13:25.000 What if you hit the jackpot, and you have this amazing device, and it's sold like crazy, and then they go, oh, you're making too much money now.

02:13:32.000 Well, that's some kind of communism.

02:13:34.000 Well, like Zoom.

02:13:35.000 Zoom is up 775% this year.

02:13:40.000 Is it really?

02:13:41.000 Their stock and their earnings.

02:13:41.000 Yeah.

02:13:43.000 Whatever.

02:13:44.000 But if you're Zoom, you're going, okay, this is the year we got to capitalize, whatever.

02:13:48.000 And by the way, good job to Zoom.

02:13:51.000 I mean, no one really used Zoom that I was aware of. 1.00

02:13:53.000 And then this shit happened. 0.98

02:13:54.000 And my Zoom always works. 0.99

02:13:56.000 Works pretty good.

02:13:57.000 It works pretty good. 0.99

02:13:58.000 Skype has got to be like, hey guys, what the fuck? 0.98

02:14:00.000 What about us? 0.98

02:14:02.000 I've been kind of impressed by, like, more or less my Zooms are always working.

02:14:06.000 But, yeah, when does it stop?

02:14:08.000 It doesn't.

02:14:09.000 It doesn't.

02:14:09.000 It doesn't end.

02:14:10.000 I think the funniest thing about Zoom is the people that get a hold of Zoom conference calls. 1.00

02:14:14.000 That shit is funny. 1.00

02:14:15.000 They dive in. 1.00

02:14:16.000 They hack in. 1.00

02:14:16.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:14:17.000 They show people their assholes. 1.00

02:14:18.000 You should do that with Joey Diaz's thing. 1.00

02:14:21.000 That's fucking crazy, man. 0.97

02:14:22.000 Well, so many people got in trouble this year from doing things on Zoom calls where they thought that they were muted. 1.00

02:14:28.000 They thought that that guy from The New Yorker got caught jerking off in the middle of a conference call. 0.97

02:14:34.000 How horny is that guy? 0.99

02:14:37.000 You know what it is?

02:14:38.000 Some people are just addicted. 1.00

02:14:40.000 They are really addicted to jerking off. 1.00

02:14:43.000 They're really addicted to porn. 1.00

02:14:44.000 And I don't think we realize it until you see a guy like that who's a prominent journalist. 0.99

02:14:51.000 He's not a fool.

02:14:52.000 The undoing of Jeffrey Toobin.

02:14:54.000 The leading man of legal journalism lost his sweetest gig.

02:14:58.000 He's good.

02:14:59.000 Did he lose the gig?

02:15:00.000 Oh yeah, they fired him. 0.99

02:15:02.000 For jerking off on a Zoom call? 0.97

02:15:03.000 Yeah, that's it. 0.96

02:15:04.000 It was a mistake, though, and I think he...

02:15:07.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter.

02:15:08.000 He apologized. 0.98

02:15:09.000 But you can't jerk off and still be working for The New Yorker. 0.99

02:15:13.000 I guess you have to not jerk off ever. 1.00

02:15:15.000 Or we can't know about it. 0.99

02:15:17.000 Right.

02:15:17.000 You definitely can't do it in front of the people that you work with.

02:15:19.000 I mean, if he was naked by accident, I don't know.

02:15:23.000 I think some people saw it.

02:15:24.000 And then it was, wasn't it like on a press call and someone from Vulture like turned it over or something?

02:15:29.000 It was like, I don't know.

02:15:30.000 It was some, it was some journalists could have just been like, okay, we saw it.

02:15:34.000 No way they can sell with that.

02:15:36.000 If he was, that's like the sugar companies trying to make less money.

02:15:39.000 No chance. 0.93

02:15:40.000 If he was having sex with his wife, would he have by accident, would he have lost his job? 0.99

02:15:45.000 Maybe, yeah. 0.99

02:15:45.000 No. 0.99

02:15:46.000 Maybe? 1.00

02:15:47.000 Yeah, if she came in the room and started blowing them, they'd be like, you're a psycho. 1.00

02:15:50.000 I love that we're creating just total hypotheticals now. 1.00

02:15:54.000 Jeffrey Toobin's wife is sucking his... 1.00

02:15:56.000 He was seen lowering and raising his computer camera, exposing and touching his penis, and motioning an on-air kiss to someone other than his colleagues. 1.00

02:16:05.000 Oh, so there was someone with him. 0.99

02:16:07.000 So he was having Zoom sex. 0.67

02:16:09.000 Oh, it wasn't a full-out sexual act, but it was much more than a second.

02:16:14.000 What does MX Guessen say?

02:16:17.000 What is MX? Is that a new gender thing? 1.00

02:16:19.000 Is that a new thing?

02:16:19.000 What is that?

02:16:20.000 Fuck off! 1.00

02:16:21.000 MX. Why are you laughing? 1.00

02:16:23.000 You sons of bitches. 1.00

02:16:24.000 MX. So he wasn't... 1.00

02:16:26.000 What is MX? Is that Latinx?

02:16:26.000 What is that?

02:16:28.000 MX? I don't know.

02:16:29.000 I can't keep track.

02:16:31.000 Not Mr. Not Mrs. MX? Is that new?

02:16:34.000 Oh my god!

02:16:35.000 It's a new thing!

02:16:36.000 Gender Neutral MX is used as a title for those who do not identify as being a particular gender.

02:16:40.000 Okay. 1.00

02:16:41.000 Oh, you fuck. 1.00

02:16:43.000 You fucking crazy people. 1.00

02:16:44.000 It already has a Wikipedia page. 1.00

02:16:46.000 Gender Neutral Honorific?

02:16:48.000 What is an honorific?

02:16:49.000 Have you ever heard that expression?

02:16:51.000 Honorific for those who don't wish to be identified by gender. 0.99

02:16:51.000 No. 0.99

02:16:54.000 Oh, Christ.

02:16:56.000 Everybody wants to be special.

02:16:57.000 I'm changing all my names to Mx.

02:16:59.000 Mx or Mx?

02:17:00.000 Mx.

02:17:01.000 I'm going to call myself Mx Rogan.

02:17:01.000 Mx.

02:17:02.000 Mx Rogan.

02:17:03.000 Mx Rogan.

02:17:04.000 Mx.

02:17:05.000 Mx.

02:17:06.000 So, he probably was doing, like, he probably had a chat with, he probably had, he was probably addicted to, like...

02:17:06.000 Oh, wow.

02:17:13.000 Porn cam girl or some shit. 1.00

02:17:14.000 Yeah, cam girl. 1.00

02:17:15.000 Yeah, well, that's what happens to these dorks. 1.00

02:17:17.000 Like, guys who don't know any girls like that in real life, and then they have this online relationship with some gal, and they send her Bitcoin every day and jerk off in front of her. 0.97

02:17:27.000 And these girls make a lot of money with these guys. 1.00

02:17:29.000 Oh, yeah.

02:17:29.000 They're also doing really well during this pandemic.

02:17:31.000 I'm sure.

02:17:32.000 Yeah.

02:17:33.000 Well, unfortunately, a lot of gals who would have done other things have now resorted to that. 1.00

02:17:39.000 And, you know, the problem is that's going to...

02:17:42.000 That could possibly haunt them and haunt their reputation as they move on.

02:17:50.000 People take on screen grabs.

02:17:52.000 Assume it's being recorded.

02:17:54.000 And then what if you go on to do other things and now you have a regular job, you're working for a law firm and someone's like, that's funny because she used to finger herself while I'm marked off.

02:18:04.000 That is crazy about Jeffrey Toobin. 1.00

02:18:06.000 I thought it was just like super embarrassing and you're an idiot, but I didn't think he lost his fuck. 1.00

02:18:13.000 I mean, that's a tough job to get. 1.00

02:18:14.000 Now it's gone?

02:18:14.000 That's a tough job to get.

02:18:15.000 And he apparently was very good.

02:18:16.000 He was very good at it.

02:18:17.000 I mean, Jesus Christ, just suspend the guy for a week.

02:18:20.000 You know, like the embarrassment of it alone.

02:18:20.000 Just suspend him.

02:18:23.000 Did he do his job well? 1.00

02:18:25.000 He's probably married, kids, all that shit. 1.00

02:18:28.000 Did he do his job well? 1.00

02:18:29.000 He did. 1.00

02:18:30.000 So what the fuck? 1.00

02:18:30.000 He was good. 1.00

02:18:31.000 I know.

02:18:32.000 Did you not appreciate the guy for what he's done?

02:18:36.000 And an immediate apology.

02:18:37.000 I think it was like an hour later, like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

02:18:40.000 He didn't do it on purpose.

02:18:41.000 He legitimately made a mistake.

02:18:42.000 It's not like he's just being a creep.

02:18:44.000 You shouldn't get fired for a mistake like that.

02:18:47.000 Everything he did was legal.

02:18:49.000 He just didn't know. 0.99

02:18:50.000 He probably bored as fuck during these calls. 0.99

02:18:53.000 He's like, I know what I'll do. 0.99

02:18:54.000 I'm going to mute my camera and beat one off real quick.

02:18:57.000 It probably was much better.

02:18:59.000 Like, if he had done it and got away with it, he'd probably have done it many times before and gotten away with it.

02:19:03.000 Yeah, probably.

02:19:04.000 And he probably was, like, way better on the calls.

02:19:06.000 Like, yeah.

02:19:07.000 Yeah.

02:19:08.000 I'm amicable to this.

02:19:09.000 That is a good idea.

02:19:12.000 I'm so relaxed.

02:19:13.000 We're up, like, 25% more meetings now.

02:19:17.000 People in the workplace are reportedly having 25% more meetings now. 0.99

02:19:22.000 Because of fucking Zoom. 0.99

02:19:22.000 Why? 0.99

02:19:23.000 Everyone is just feeling like, let's connect, let's do it. 0.99

02:19:26.000 So he's probably like, this is the best way to get off these dumb meetings. 0.97

02:19:30.000 It's a good idea. 0.98

02:19:31.000 Yeah.

02:19:32.000 But people do get addicted to those kind of chat gals. 1.00

02:19:36.000 Well, they're probably enticing, right?

02:19:39.000 It's like a stripper. 1.00

02:19:40.000 But you have a one-on-one relationship with this person through the camera.

02:19:45.000 This is crazy.

02:19:46.000 It's wild.

02:19:46.000 Yeah.

02:19:47.000 But you pay them.

02:19:48.000 Well, this is just the beginning. 0.99

02:19:50.000 Wait till you get these augmented reality headsets, and then you're in the room with them, and then you put this harness on your old cock and balls, and next thing you know, you're in some suit, some fucking wet suit, haptic feedback suit, and you literally can feel everything, 0.99

02:20:06.000 and you're having sex with this person. 1.00

02:20:07.000 You think you're having sex with them. 0.99

02:20:09.000 Yeah, that's gonna happen. 0.96

02:20:10.000 That's in our lifetime.

02:20:11.000 That's in our lifetime.

02:20:12.000 In our lifetime, there'll be virtual sex that will be indistinguishable from regular sex. 0.69

02:20:17.000 Yeah.

02:20:18.000 In a matter of time. 0.99

02:20:19.000 As soon as Elon Musk comes up with this fucking Neuralink thing and they open up a quarter-sized hole in your skull and screw this thing in place and these wires are gonna go straight to your pleasure center. 0.93

02:20:29.000 There was a woman that lived in the 1970s, and she had some sort of a problem with pain medication, like an allergy to pain medication. 0.94

02:20:40.000 So they hooked her up to this device, and it literally put a wire into her pleasure centers, and it gave her a button. 0.69

02:20:48.000 And when she was feeling pain, she would hit this button.

02:20:51.000 But this button was also causing her to orgasm. 1.00

02:20:54.000 So she was just hammering that button.

02:20:57.000 They said that she developed a blister on the finger that she used to hit the button.

02:21:04.000 And she also was constantly begging them to take it out and then fighting with them when they tried to take it out. 1.00

02:21:13.000 And she also was trying to adjust the amplitude of the thing to jack it up, to make it higher.

02:21:19.000 So she was trying to hack into this device that they gave her.

02:21:22.000 I mean, isn't this like the rat and cocaine thing, where they'll stop eating and just go for it, even though they know it's killing them? 0.96

02:21:28.000 Well, even more so, rat and orgasms.

02:21:30.000 They've actually done experiments on rats and gave them the ability to have orgasms.

02:21:36.000 It's sort of the same thing.

02:21:38.000 They've adjusted these rats' pleasure centers, and they stopped eating, and they just were coming all the time. 1.00

02:21:43.000 Rats just fucking zap. 0.99

02:21:45.000 That's really sad that she's asking for it to take it out. 1.00

02:21:48.000 Oh yeah, she was begging them to take it out and then fighting them when they tried to take it out. 1.00

02:21:52.000 Is this the thing?

02:21:53.000 For the Orgasmatron.

02:21:54.000 Is that it?

02:21:55.000 The Orgasmatron?

02:21:55.000 Is that hers?

02:21:56.000 I don't know if that's the exact one she had, but there's a couple articles about this device that could be attached directly to your spinal cord.

02:22:03.000 Jesus Christ.

02:22:05.000 I had a bit about it for a while, but I couldn't really figure out a way to make it work right.

02:22:09.000 Well, this is just a matter of time for it.

02:22:10.000 That's an app on your phone.

02:22:12.000 25 grand.

02:22:13.000 It's just a matter of time.

02:22:13.000 Yeah.

02:22:15.000 Hey, what happens if I got to run to the restroom?

02:22:16.000 Can I do that?

02:22:17.000 Good, good, good.

02:22:18.000 You guys pause it or what?

02:22:19.000 Yeah, we're good.

02:22:20.000 We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen, with more Michael Kosta and Cumming.

02:22:31.000 How much time before there is an app like that where you can just press a button on your phone and nut in your pants?

02:22:37.000 Spoiler alert, anyone listening for Ready Player 2?

02:22:40.000 I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but that is sort of where they take that.

02:22:45.000 In the movie, there was a scene where they were making out, right?

02:22:49.000 She was touching him and he could feel it?

02:22:51.000 Yes, but they wouldn't have been able to feel that.

02:22:52.000 They could experience it, but not feel it.

02:22:55.000 The new book, the next generation, it's all feeling everything with no consequences in your real life.

02:23:02.000 Drugs, everything.

02:23:03.000 Oh, that's going to happen.

02:23:05.000 I'm not going to ruin the story, but it sounds awesome because it just takes over everything that was going on in the Oasis and now everyone's just living these experiences.

02:23:13.000 You know, that's one of the things that McKenna predicted in terms of worldwide or widespread psychedelic use is that they were going to figure out a way to recreate the DMT experience in some sort of augmented or virtual reality.

02:23:27.000 He was explaining...

02:23:29.000 The last time I was listening to it, it got...

02:23:31.000 I wonder if that would work, though, because the way he explains how it works in the book, he was going to experience someone doing heroin, but without the...

02:23:43.000 Addictive qualities of it.

02:23:45.000 But if you don't have the addictive qualities of it, are you really experiencing what heroin is like?

02:23:50.000 Because if you're just experiencing the euphoria, but you're not getting that, like, chase the dragon, you're not really experiencing it.

02:23:56.000 Right.

02:23:58.000 There's also probably part of it where you know it's dangerous and bad for you.

02:24:02.000 That's part of what the lure of a lot of these drugs is the self-destructive aspect of it.

02:24:07.000 And there's no risk in this situation.

02:24:08.000 Just talking about shooting heroin.

02:24:09.000 I mean, it must be good, right?

02:24:12.000 Has to be. 0.98

02:24:13.000 I never talked to Hedberg about it, but I remember before he died, they tried to get him to kick it, and he was like, no fucking way. 0.99

02:24:21.000 I'm okay to die from this. 0.98

02:24:22.000 He had no desire to kick it.

02:24:25.000 He had gangrene at one point in time, and he was in the hospital, and they were really worried that he was going to...

02:24:33.000 And he eventually wound up dying later of something similar, but he wasn't interested in kicking it.

02:24:40.000 He's like, nope.

02:24:41.000 I mean, it's crazy that we have created something that we want that badly to our own, that will create our own death.

02:24:52.000 What's crazy is how many artists used it, you know, and had amazing music, in Hedberg's case, amazing comedy that's directly influenced by that.

02:25:03.000 Do you think...

02:25:05.000 The heroin benefited his comedy?

02:25:07.000 Or do you think his brain was just a great comedy brain and he got addicted to heroin?

02:25:12.000 That's a sober person conversation.

02:25:14.000 Right.

02:25:15.000 You know?

02:25:17.000 I think they're connected.

02:25:19.000 Yeah.

02:25:19.000 You know?

02:25:20.000 I don't know if you would have been the same guy without heroin.

02:25:23.000 You obviously had a brilliant brain.

02:25:23.000 Yeah.

02:25:25.000 But was that brilliant brain influenced...

02:25:25.000 Yeah.

02:25:28.000 By heroin.

02:25:29.000 I don't know.

02:25:32.000 There's a show that I'm watching, The Queen's Gambit.

02:25:34.000 Have you seen that show?

02:25:35.000 I've watched it, yeah.

02:25:36.000 Well, you know, she had a tranquilizer thing. 1.00

02:25:38.000 Yeah.

02:25:39.000 I was so happy that they gave her some flaws.

02:25:42.000 I thought at first it was going to be...

02:25:45.000 This beautiful woman who excels at chess and that's it.

02:25:48.000 I was really happy with that.

02:25:50.000 And what episode are you on?

02:25:52.000 I just finished two.

02:25:52.000 Two.

02:25:54.000 Where is she right now? 1.00

02:25:56.000 Where is she living right now? 1.00

02:25:57.000 She was living that...

02:25:58.000 I don't want to say.

02:26:00.000 Spoiler alert.

02:26:01.000 But she'd been adopted.

02:26:02.000 Yeah, okay, so I really love the other female character, the mother character. 0.98

02:26:07.000 It's fucking great, too. 0.98

02:26:09.000 Yeah, also flawed. 0.99

02:26:11.000 All realistic, man. 0.99

02:26:12.000 Like, heavy-duty shit makes you, first of all, really appreciate the writing. 1.00

02:26:18.000 Whoever wrote that, fucking kudos. 1.00

02:26:21.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:26:22.000 Kudos to you. 0.99

02:26:23.000 Fucking great writing. 0.99

02:26:24.000 You don't see anything coming. 0.99

02:26:27.000 Everything's just really interesting.

02:26:30.000 I made an Instagram post about it.

02:26:32.000 It used to be that films were the really interesting things, but now films sort of pale in comparison to these Netflix-type shows, these streaming shows, whether it's Hulu or Amazon has Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and a bunch of other great shows.

02:26:46.000 Those shows are the best entertainment.

02:26:49.000 Because they're serial.

02:26:50.000 Like, you follow it over episode after episode, you know?

02:26:53.000 HBO, Game of Thrones, Sopranos, yeah.

02:26:56.000 I find that those streaming platforms with documentaries make six episodes and they should make two.

02:27:02.000 Yeah, there's a lot of them. 0.99

02:27:03.000 And I'm like, God, stop stretching this fucking thing out. 0.96

02:27:06.000 The Vow on HBO, I'm like, it was ten episodes? 0.99

02:27:08.000 It was just this guy driving around L.A. with voiceover.

02:27:12.000 What is The Vow?

02:27:14.000 It's the one about...

02:27:15.000 Is that the sex cult? 0.81

02:27:16.000 Yeah. 0.91

02:27:17.000 But it's not a sex... 0.96

02:27:18.000 I mean, it is a sex cult.

02:27:19.000 We find out in a different documentary on the Stars Network.

02:27:21.000 The HBO documentary is literally just this one guy...

02:27:25.000 I don't recommend it.

02:27:28.000 I recommend the Stars version, which I forget what that's called.

02:27:28.000 The Vow.

02:27:31.000 But on the other hand, like Wild Wild Country, they needed a bunch of episodes for that.

02:27:35.000 Which one was that?

02:27:36.000 The West Virginians?

02:27:36.000 No, that was the one...

02:27:38.000 No, that's the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. 1.00

02:27:40.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.98

02:27:42.000 But that's just a documentary. 1.00

02:27:43.000 The wild, wild country is the Oregon cult where they took over a town and they poisoned all the people.

02:27:48.000 That cult is wild.

02:27:51.000 That needed episodes because you had to see the beginning.

02:27:55.000 I remember my friend Todd, who's super straight-laced, a real great guy, but he watched the first episode.

02:28:01.000 He goes, the first episode, I was like, man, I want to live like them.

02:28:05.000 They're all living in this hippie commune.

02:28:08.000 They're all free love and sex and everybody's happy and chanting.

02:28:11.000 It seems like a great, fun time.

02:28:13.000 And then as it goes on, you realize that it gets really dark and it gets really crazy.

02:28:19.000 But that's a wonderful job by the filmmakers.

02:28:19.000 That's it.

02:28:22.000 To get you to go, hey, I could join that thing.

02:28:22.000 Oh, they nailed it.

02:28:25.000 That'd be fun.

02:28:26.000 Oh, yeah.

02:28:26.000 Oh, there it is.

02:28:26.000 Okay, I haven't seen that show.

02:28:27.000 It's really good.

02:28:28.000 Oh, my God.

02:28:29.000 You have to see it.

02:28:30.000 It's really good because in the beginning, you realize the appeal of this, first of all, this Osho guy.

02:28:36.000 That's not it.

02:28:36.000 That's not him.

02:28:37.000 What is that?

02:28:38.000 That looks like the dude with the nose.

02:28:40.000 What's that dude?

02:28:41.000 Owen Wilson.

02:28:42.000 Yeah, that guy.

02:28:43.000 The dude with the nose.

02:28:45.000 The Osho guy is a really interesting guy.

02:28:48.000 I actually bought his book.

02:28:49.000 I was reading one of his books that is like a philosophy book or a book of his perspective.

02:28:58.000 Is that Owen Wilson?

02:28:59.000 No, that's the actual Osho guy with someone's son who he didn't pay enough attention to when he was a boy. 0.99

02:29:06.000 Yeah, but that cult, I mean, they were all doing drugs and having free sex and free love, and they bought a fucking town. 0.99

02:29:06.000 Clearly. 0.99

02:29:15.000 And the guy, that Osho guy, had like eight Rolls Royces, had these diamond-encrusted Rolexes, he's balling out of control. 0.96

02:29:24.000 He was making shitloads of money, and they bought a fucking town, and everybody was working for him, and they were all living together. 0.84

02:29:32.000 Where was his finances coming from? 0.99

02:29:34.000 The donations from all the people.

02:29:36.000 Bro, they had Hollywood people that were donating.

02:29:39.000 I don't want to tell you too much, because it is...

02:29:40.000 I'll check it out.

02:29:41.000 First of all, I couldn't believe that I didn't know about this.

02:29:45.000 Because it was so crazy.

02:29:45.000 Right.

02:29:46.000 And then I talked to some friends that live in Oregon.

02:29:46.000 Yeah.

02:29:49.000 This is...

02:29:49.000 They're like, oh, Jesus.

02:29:50.000 Yeah, we knew about this.

02:29:51.000 This is nuts. 1.00

02:29:52.000 Like, they bought a fucking town. 1.00

02:29:54.000 That's amazing. 1.00

02:29:54.000 Yeah, they bought a town. 1.00

02:29:56.000 And then, in order to take over the town, they bust in homeless people.

02:30:00.000 So they took in all these homeless people, brought them into the community, and then used these homeless people so they could vote.

02:30:05.000 As you say, I don't even know if you can...

02:30:09.000 Can you...

02:30:10.000 Create a jurisdiction for yourself?

02:30:12.000 Well, what they did was they brought these homeless people in so that they overwhelmed the population.

02:30:17.000 They had so many people that they can control the voting.

02:30:22.000 But then they eventually got rid of all the homeless people and the homeless people felt like really abandoned.

02:30:26.000 But it was kind of sad.

02:30:28.000 It was very sad.

02:30:29.000 Because, I mean, I'm giving a lot of this away, but it doesn't matter.

02:30:31.000 It's still amazing.

02:30:32.000 The homeless people, a lot of them just, you know, like many homeless people, They're missing community and love, and they find themselves alone.

02:30:42.000 Now, all of a sudden, they got brought into this cult, and they felt like they finally had something.

02:30:49.000 Like, I'm here, and I will live my life here.

02:30:51.000 These are my people.

02:30:52.000 These are my family.

02:30:53.000 I'll do anything for them.

02:30:54.000 And they were willing to do anything for them.

02:30:56.000 And then they just used them for voting. 1.00

02:30:58.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:31:00.000 It was terrible! 1.00

02:31:01.000 And the lady, Sheila, who ran the show was the most ruthless bitch and she's still alive. 1.00

02:31:07.000 She's still alive. 0.99

02:31:08.000 She's in another country now.

02:31:09.000 She got extradited because she got tried with attempted murder and she tried to poison people. 0.97

02:31:14.000 And this is one movie?

02:31:16.000 Yeah.

02:31:17.000 Well, no, it's several hours.

02:31:19.000 It's like four episodes.

02:31:21.000 And it's worth it?

02:31:22.000 Yes.

02:31:22.000 Okay.

02:31:23.000 I want to watch it again.

02:31:24.000 I might watch it again tomorrow.

02:31:26.000 I might watch it tonight after I'm talking to you.

02:31:27.000 I'm all excited about it.

02:31:29.000 Queen's Gambit is excellent.

02:31:32.000 Costume designing is excellent.

02:31:34.000 Her outfits, I felt like I was into female fashion. 1.00

02:31:38.000 I'm like, oh, look how the purse is going with the...

02:31:41.000 I like that they're flawed.

02:31:42.000 I'm really happy now that we are creating female characters that aren't just heroic. 0.99

02:31:47.000 They're also super fucked up. 0.99

02:31:50.000 At first, the pendulum was swinging. 1.00

02:31:53.000 It was female characters, and they're all perfect and smarter than the man and more athletic. 1.00

02:31:57.000 And now it's like, hey, can we even this out and make them flawed just like anyone else?

02:32:02.000 And I like that they're doing that.

02:32:04.000 Well, I love strong female characters when they make sense. 1.00

02:32:08.000 What I don't love is like Star Wars.

02:32:10.000 When they're making like Laura Dern and what's her name?

02:32:14.000 They're making them the generals and you're like, what?

02:32:16.000 And they're telling everybody what to do and it doesn't make sense.

02:32:19.000 They don't have the right voice for that.

02:32:20.000 You just forced diversity down everybody's throat.

02:32:23.000 I know what you did.

02:32:24.000 I know.

02:32:24.000 Whereas like...

02:32:26.000 Alien is my favorite version. 0.96

02:32:29.000 Sigourney Weaver was fucking amazing and she's the hero of the movie. 0.95

02:32:32.000 And you know, my friend Matt just told me this, that they didn't have a gender in mind when they cast that. 0.95

02:32:39.000 They just cast the best actress.

02:32:42.000 Correct.

02:32:42.000 And it turned out to be Sigourney Weavner.

02:32:44.000 They tried men.

02:32:45.000 They tried everybody.

02:32:46.000 Like, that character, Ripley, could have been anybody.

02:32:49.000 Could have been a boy, a girl.

02:32:50.000 Didn't matter.

02:32:50.000 But she was perfect for it.

02:32:52.000 Didn't matter whether or not she was a woman. 0.99

02:32:54.000 But she was so good, they cast her, and no one gave a fuck that she was a woman. 1.00

02:32:58.000 Because it was just awesome. 0.99

02:32:58.000 Right. 0.99

02:33:00.000 Yeah.

02:33:01.000 That's what I like.

02:33:02.000 I agree with you on that.

02:33:03.000 I went down a pathway with Queen's Gambit where I was like, is this a true story?

02:33:08.000 Because if this is true that there was this beautiful, young, flawed woman, that's very interesting to me.

02:33:16.000 It's not a true story.

02:33:17.000 There's a lot of people on the internet who think that it is a true story.

02:33:21.000 It's based off a book, but...

02:33:23.000 Chess sales are through the roof.

02:33:25.000 You couldn't get a chess board when that thing came out.

02:33:28.000 Isn't that hilarious?

02:33:28.000 Really?

02:33:28.000 Yeah.

02:33:29.000 Chess sales were going crazy.

02:33:32.000 Chess is a beautiful sport.

02:33:34.000 And, much like long-form conversation we have here, long-form game.

02:33:39.000 I mean, months you could really play.

02:33:42.000 They get into speed chess in that show.

02:33:45.000 But you can play chess forever, man.

02:33:47.000 Yeah, I'm scared of chess.

02:33:49.000 I'm terrible at chess and I don't want to get good at it because I think it's something I would get absorbed with.

02:33:54.000 I remember there was a time where Howard Stern got obsessed with chess and he was taking chess lessons when he was talking about it on the show.

02:34:00.000 Yeah, and I remember thinking, oh, he's an obsessive.

02:34:04.000 I think he eventually bailed and stopped.

02:34:07.000 Stopped doing it, but I've had problems with video games.

02:34:10.000 I've had problems with pool.

02:34:12.000 I used to play pool competitively, and I get real obsessed with games.

02:34:17.000 And chess seems to be the most intense of all intellectual games. 0.98

02:34:22.000 It's going to trigger the shit out of your intellectual... 0.98

02:34:24.000 What kind of billiards would you play? 0.99

02:34:26.000 Nine ball?

02:34:27.000 Yeah, nine ball, ten ball, straight pool.

02:34:29.000 I played a lot of all those games, but I played a lot of pool.

02:34:32.000 I played a lot of tournaments.

02:34:32.000 A lot.

02:34:33.000 Yeah, to the point where I have...

02:34:36.000 I have a table in my old studio.

02:34:37.000 I have a table at home.

02:34:39.000 I collect pool cues.

02:34:41.000 I have a bunch of pool cues. 0.98

02:34:42.000 Pool cues are fucking cool. 0.98

02:34:43.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:34:44.000 Especially when they unscrew and you take the fucking briefcase. 1.00

02:34:49.000 The color of money. 1.00

02:34:50.000 The color of money.

02:34:51.000 What's in the case?

02:34:51.000 In here?

02:34:53.000 Doom.

02:34:54.000 That is such a good movie.

02:34:56.000 My brother Todd got obsessed with pool and we had a pool table in our basement.

02:35:01.000 But it was like classic Midwest basement in that it couldn't It wasn't fully unobstructed.

02:35:07.000 So we had this weight-bearing pole right here.

02:35:12.000 If you ever had to go in the middle... 0.99

02:35:16.000 You had to do all this creative shit. 0.99

02:35:18.000 Short stick, we sawed one down. 1.00

02:35:20.000 But Todd got really in the pool.

02:35:22.000 My dad took us to the nine-ball championships one year down in West Virginia.

02:35:26.000 And we're like, you know, these guys are like...

02:35:29.000 Excellent at pool.

02:35:30.000 I mean they'll run racks after racks and it was like wild how the brain is not how my brain works but my brother's brain would be like one ball there two ball there is you're gonna move it off here and that's like geometry chess it's all like that yeah it is and it's also finesse and touch yeah and feel yeah and great sounds yeah it's also a sport that thrives on drugs Really?

02:35:55.000 Like an Adderall type situation?

02:35:57.000 Because they would gamble and they would play for 15, 16 hours.

02:35:57.000 Yeah.

02:36:02.000 The thing about Pulu is that they would play until someone quit.

02:36:07.000 That was like the gentleman's rule?

02:36:09.000 You would never quit on somebody when you were ahead.

02:36:11.000 Right.

02:36:11.000 If you quit on someone when you're ahead, people would be mad at you.

02:36:15.000 If you played for two hours and you won $1,000 and you're like, we'll play again tomorrow, they'd be like, fuck you, stay. 0.99

02:36:21.000 And people would get mad at you. 0.99

02:36:23.000 They would really get upset and you would have a hard time getting a game because you'd be a guy that quits while you're up.

02:36:27.000 So you have to wipe out your opponent until they say, I can't do this anymore.

02:36:30.000 Yeah, it's like to the death.

02:36:33.000 Yeah, it's like amongst top players, unless there was an agreement.

02:36:33.000 To the death.

02:36:39.000 Like, you could make an agreement.

02:36:41.000 You could make an agreement, we will play two sets.

02:36:44.000 I'll play you two sets, race to 20 for X amount of dollars per set, but we're going to make an agreement right now of two sets.

02:36:51.000 That's rare, though.

02:36:52.000 Most of the time, they would post up, and they would play until guys went broke.

02:36:56.000 Like The Hustler.

02:36:57.000 The Hustler with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman...

02:37:00.000 That was the theme of the movie, is that Paul Newman is winning for like 15, 16 hours, and then Jackie Gleason has character, and Paul Newman is self-destructive, and eventually Jackie Gleason overcomes him.

02:37:12.000 I don't know if I've ever seen The Hustler, but obviously that has helped Paul Newman get cast in Color of Money.

02:37:18.000 Oh, for sure.

02:37:20.000 It was based on Color of Money.

02:37:22.000 Yeah, okay.

02:37:23.000 In fact, the Color of Money was the sequel.

02:37:23.000 That's what I wasn't sure.

02:37:25.000 Okay.

02:37:26.000 I didn't realize that.

02:37:27.000 They were both written by, I think, Walter Tevis is the guy who wrote it.

02:37:27.000 Yeah.

02:37:31.000 But I've read the books, too.

02:37:33.000 They're pretty similar.

02:37:35.000 The character in the second movie is different.

02:37:37.000 There's a lot of things in Color of Money that are different than made for Tom Cruise.

02:37:41.000 But in The Hustler...

02:37:44.000 Paul Newman retires because he makes a deal with this mob guy.

02:37:50.000 Okay.

02:37:51.000 And at the end of it, he quits playing.

02:37:52.000 Okay.

02:37:53.000 So he's retired from pool.

02:37:55.000 And then he meets Tom Cruise many decades later.

02:37:59.000 I see.

02:38:00.000 Okay.

02:38:03.000 I want to say 63?

02:38:05.000 Okay.

02:38:05.000 Somewhere around then.

02:38:06.000 That's when that movie came out.

02:38:08.000 And so Color of Money is like 1984 or something like that. 0.97

02:38:12.000 I fucking loved Color of Money when it came out. 0.93

02:38:13.000 That made pool go through the roof. 1.00

02:38:16.000 People started playing pool like crazy.

02:38:18.000 And people in the pool world have always said they need a movie like the Color of Money.

02:38:23.000 Right.

02:38:23.000 And pool hall junkies some people liked, but it never really had the same impact.

02:38:28.000 It wasn't that good.

02:38:29.000 It was okay.

02:38:31.000 Like some people liked it, but...

02:38:33.000 They couldn't really play.

02:38:35.000 If a person who plays pool like I watch, it would be very frustrating for me.

02:38:39.000 Because if you were watching someone play tennis... 0.99

02:38:41.000 Dude, it fucking infuriates me. 0.99

02:38:43.000 Any commercial with tennis, they're holding the racket wrong. 0.99

02:38:47.000 It's like, just get anyone that plays tennis to quickly advise you on the right grip.

02:38:52.000 And now I'm like, but all I can focus on is that.

02:38:55.000 And...

02:38:56.000 I believe Color of Money, I remember reading about it that they locked Tom Cruise in a room for three months and taught him how to shoot his grip.

02:39:05.000 Tom Cruise worked with Mike Siegel.

02:39:07.000 Mike Siegel is one of the greatest pool players that's ever lived.

02:39:11.000 Multiple-time world champion, literally one of the all-time greats.

02:39:15.000 I've had the opportunity to play Mike Siegel.

02:39:16.000 I played him.

02:39:17.000 I hung out with him.

02:39:17.000 He's a great guy.

02:39:18.000 And he was also left-handed, just like Tom Cruise.

02:39:21.000 And Tom Cruise was left-handed.

02:39:22.000 Yeah, and he taught Tom Cruise.

02:39:24.000 And Tom Cruise looks like a guy who can play a little.

02:39:27.000 Paul Newman in The Hustler does not really look like a guy who can play. 0.99

02:39:31.000 He does a lot of goofy shit. 0.97

02:39:32.000 But Jackie Gleason could play. 1.00

02:39:36.000 Jackie Gleason literally plays like a professional.

02:39:39.000 You watch Jackie Gleason in The Hustler.

02:39:41.000 He spent a lot of time playing pool when he was a kid.

02:39:44.000 Look, Jackie Gleason was a guy who drank and smoked and hung out in pool halls.

02:39:47.000 He was a man's man. 0.52

02:39:49.000 He was a wild dude.

02:39:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:39:51.000 And he could fucking play, like really play. 0.99

02:39:54.000 How did you get introduced to pool? 1.00

02:39:56.000 I hurt my ACL. I tore my ACL ligament and I couldn't work out for a while.

02:40:02.000 And when I couldn't work out, me and my friend John, he was a comic as well, we started going to this pool hall in White Plains, New York.

02:40:09.000 And I just stumbled upon one of the great pool halls in that area.

02:40:14.000 It's one of the reasons why I moved to New Rochelle because I could be close to White Plains because I was addicted to this pool. 0.99

02:40:18.000 People get fucking addicted to pool. 0.97

02:40:21.000 That's how my brother was, dude. 0.99

02:40:22.000 What does it say?

02:40:24.000 Yeah, the video game Doom got its name from the film.

02:40:26.000 Yeah, the video game Doom got its name from Tom Cruise opening up that because they wanted...

02:40:31.000 Yeah, because when he opened up the case and he goes, what's in the case?

02:40:31.000 I did not know that.

02:40:34.000 He goes, in here?

02:40:35.000 Oh my god, Doom. 1.00

02:40:36.000 I remember that with his dumb accent. 1.00

02:40:38.000 Yes. 0.99

02:40:39.000 He was excellent in that film.

02:40:41.000 That's what John...

02:40:43.000 Yeah, that's what they wanted to...

02:40:45.000 John Carmack wanted to say to the video game world when they released Doom.

02:40:50.000 What's in there?

02:40:51.000 Doom is in there.

02:40:51.000 Doom.

02:40:52.000 Because this game is so crazy in comparison to everything else.

02:40:55.000 Yeah, so that's where I came up with the name.

02:40:58.000 Yeah, it's something like the...

02:41:02.000 I forget the character's name in Queen's Gambit, but when she kind of lays in bed and looks up and watches the world, you kind of see pool players look at the table that way.

02:41:13.000 This goes here.

02:41:16.000 But with pool, there's execution.

02:41:19.000 The difference is you could miss a shot where you're in perfect position.

02:41:23.000 Whereas with chess, you just move the thing.

02:41:26.000 You don't have to think about your physical hand-eye coordination and skills.

02:41:29.000 So nerves don't play a factor as much in terms of your ability to move your body.

02:41:34.000 So with pool, the thing that excited me about it was it was about controlling yourself under pressure.

02:41:41.000 And you're literally applying a certain amount of pressure to a ball, and you want to control the revolutions.

02:41:49.000 That the ball makes over a long period.

02:41:52.000 So it's all touch and feel.

02:41:53.000 And the more you play, the more...

02:41:55.000 And you get in what they call dead punch or dead stroke, where you understand exactly how much impact and exactly how hard to touch that cue, exactly how much impact it has on the ball to just perfectly place that ball in position for the next shot.

02:42:13.000 It is.

02:42:15.000 It's a great game.

02:42:16.000 My brother had a book called How to Hustle Your Friends at Pool and used to read it.

02:42:20.000 And we'd have friends come over and they would always get mad that he was reading the book.

02:42:23.000 But he loved it.

02:42:24.000 It's a great gambling sport.

02:42:26.000 Yeah, it's great.

02:42:26.000 Well, it's a game where people get mad if you pretend you're not good.

02:42:30.000 Right.

02:42:31.000 And it turns out you are good.

02:42:33.000 Isn't that what the hustle is?

02:42:35.000 What's interesting about it is it's also a game where people lie about how good they are.

02:42:40.000 Men always want to pretend they're really good at pool.

02:42:44.000 It's a weird thing.

02:42:45.000 If guys don't know you play...

02:42:47.000 I play...

02:42:49.000 Pretty good.

02:42:49.000 Like, I'm a B player.

02:42:51.000 Which means, like, I'm not a pro, but if I practice for six months and really dedicated myself...

02:42:51.000 Yeah.

02:42:57.000 You'd be excellent.

02:42:58.000 I can run racks.

02:42:59.000 I've run out three, four racks in a row.

02:42:59.000 Yeah.

02:43:01.000 I can play a little.

02:43:02.000 Yeah.

02:43:02.000 And if I played a lot, I could play on a very high level.

02:43:06.000 But...

02:43:07.000 Most people can't.

02:43:09.000 Like, I played for years, eight hours a day.

02:43:11.000 I played every day.

02:43:12.000 I always played.

02:43:13.000 I took a cue on the road with me everywhere I went.

02:43:16.000 When I would go on the road and do gigs, I'd find pool halls and I'd play pool all night long.

02:43:20.000 That's what I always did.

02:43:22.000 Most men lie. 0.95

02:43:25.000 Do you play pool?

02:43:26.000 Are you good?

02:43:26.000 Oh, yeah.

02:43:27.000 Yeah, I'm pretty good.

02:43:28.000 Oh, are you really?

02:43:29.000 How good are you?

02:43:30.000 Oh, I'm good.

02:43:30.000 I always beat my friends.

02:43:32.000 Pretty good.

02:43:32.000 Are you really good?

02:43:34.000 Have you ever played in tournaments?

02:43:35.000 They'll lie. 0.99

02:43:36.000 And then you play them and they suck. 0.99

02:43:38.000 Golf is like this. 1.00

02:43:38.000 They suck. 1.00

02:43:39.000 What do you shoot? 1.00

02:43:40.000 I'll shoot about 100. You go out there and you're like, you fucking lie. 1.00

02:43:44.000 Or you cheat. 1.00

02:43:45.000 Everybody cheats at golf.

02:43:47.000 Everybody gets so surprised when they ask me if I'm good at golf and I say, I'm okay.

02:43:51.000 And they say, what do you shoot?

02:43:51.000 And I say, 110. They go, no, there's no chance.

02:43:54.000 I get out there and you really count my strokes and the time that I move the ball and the time that it followed the rules, a shot at 110. But everybody lies.

02:44:00.000 Is that a good number?

02:44:01.000 No.

02:44:02.000 No.

02:44:04.000 What's a good number?

02:44:06.000 Par is 72, but I guarantee you he's going to say he shoots in the 90s, and when we go out there and we actually play, he's going to shoot like 125, like a typical house station.

02:44:16.000 90-ish is probably a good number.

02:44:17.000 Yeah, 90's a good number. 0.99

02:44:18.000 I could get there, but...

02:44:20.000 You would need a lot of time.

02:44:21.000 You need some time.

02:44:22.000 And you don't cheat, but everybody lies.

02:44:24.000 Yeah, it's true.

02:44:25.000 People lie about pool. 1.00

02:44:26.000 Dude, the worst, if you're a single guy trying to pick up girls and you've got to play pool with them and they're fucking garbage. 1.00

02:44:32.000 They beat you. 1.00

02:44:32.000 If a girl beats you at pool, good luck getting laid. 1.00

02:44:36.000 Good luck. 1.00

02:44:36.000 They don't want to fuck you if they can beat you at pool. 1.00

02:44:38.000 Everyone knows that. 1.00

02:44:39.000 Well, there's another thing.

02:44:40.000 When you play girls in tournaments, guys would panic when they would play girls in tournaments.

02:44:44.000 Because they have to win.

02:44:44.000 Because some girls are good.

02:44:45.000 Right, right, right. 0.99

02:44:46.000 There's a lot of girls that are really fucking good, and you play them. 0.97

02:44:49.000 Because pool doesn't require any physical strength. 0.96

02:44:51.000 Well, why isn't...

02:44:53.000 Why wouldn't they be gender equal... 0.99

02:44:56.000 Why do we have a gender breakdown at pool? 1.00

02:44:58.000 Because of the break?

02:44:59.000 Well, no.

02:45:01.000 It's weird.

02:45:03.000 I'm just going to be objective about this.

02:45:06.000 There are some women that beat a lot of men at pool, but In the aggregate, when you look at the total of all the great pool players, the best pool players are all men.

02:45:18.000 But the women are excellent, and the women are capable of beating some of the best players some of the time.

02:45:24.000 But when it all averages out, the best players in the world are like, there's a bunch, like Shane Van Boning, there's Dennis Arcuglio, there's a lot of Filipinos, a few American guys, a few Europeans, they're all men.

02:45:38.000 But there's a few women... 1.00

02:45:39.000 Yeah.

02:45:40.000 What was that like?

02:45:40.000 One of them was called the Mosquito or something?

02:45:42.000 That woman? 1.00

02:45:43.000 Oh, the Black Widow?

02:45:44.000 The Black Widow.

02:45:44.000 Yeah.

02:45:45.000 The Mosquito.

02:45:45.000 Sorry.

02:45:46.000 Yeah.

02:45:47.000 She's good.

02:45:48.000 She's really good.

02:45:49.000 I always assumed she was good because she was also hot, right? 1.00

02:45:51.000 Yeah.

02:45:52.000 And that's, of course, the media.

02:45:53.000 Okay.

02:45:53.000 Yeah.

02:45:53.000 Jeanette Lee.

02:45:53.000 Yeah.

02:45:54.000 The best woman ever at the time, a woman who was winning and beating men at the time was this woman named Jean Balucas. 1.00

02:46:01.000 See if you can look her up.

02:46:02.000 Wow.

02:46:03.000 She was playing men back when women weren't really playing men. 1.00

02:46:08.000 She was playing men and beating them, and she was a fucking killer. 1.00

02:46:11.000 She was a straight-up killer. 1.00

02:46:13.000 But it's just really, really rare. 0.89

02:46:15.000 But it's not a physical strength thing.

02:46:18.000 Because pool is not a physical strength thing.

02:46:20.000 That's where it gets weird.

02:46:22.000 It's a confusing thing.

02:46:23.000 It's like a grasp of 3D space.

02:46:27.000 It's like an understanding and a perception of angles.

02:46:32.000 And men are just better at those things.

02:46:34.000 There's a competitive drive.

02:46:35.000 We don't know why.

02:46:36.000 But it doesn't...

02:46:36.000 Yeah.

02:46:37.000 Look, there's women that are way better than me. 1.00

02:46:39.000 It's not saying that all men are better than all women.

02:46:41.000 There's women that play way better than me. 1.00

02:46:44.000 But when it comes to the best players in the world, for whatever reason that we don't totally understand, it's men by a long shot.

02:46:54.000 She plays fifth when she was nine years old. 0.94

02:46:56.000 Oh, she was a killer. 0.99

02:46:57.000 Gene Balukas!

02:46:58.000 Yeah, but see if you got any video of her when she was playing. 0.99

02:47:01.000 Wow.

02:47:02.000 When Jean was...

02:47:02.000 Wow.

02:47:03.000 When she was at the top of her game, I mean, she was literally as good as any man alive.

02:47:10.000 She was... 0.97

02:47:10.000 This is her right here. 0.97

02:47:11.000 She was fucking... 1.00

02:47:12.000 Well, anybody can make that, Joe. 1.00

02:47:13.000 She was... 0.97

02:47:14.000 No, it wasn't just that.

02:47:15.000 She never... 1.00

02:47:15.000 It was... 1.00

02:47:16.000 Oh, that's not Jean Belucas.

02:47:18.000 That's... 0.99

02:47:18.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:47:19.000 Eva Mattia. 1.00

02:47:20.000 Eva Mattia.

02:47:21.000 Oh, that's Jean Belucas versus Eva Mattia. 0.93

02:47:21.000 I remember her, too. 0.93

02:47:23.000 Now, Eva Mattia is another one. 0.99

02:47:25.000 She was another killer, but she was fucking hot. 1.00

02:47:28.000 And she became pretty famous because of the fact that she was hot. 1.00

02:47:32.000 Stop fast forward.

02:47:33.000 The billiard network?

02:47:33.000 What are you doing?

02:47:35.000 That's Gene.

02:47:36.000 Yeah, there was a billiard network at one point in time.

02:47:37.000 But I think it's just an online thing.

02:47:41.000 But Jean was, in her day when she was competing and beating everybody, she was formidable. 0.94

02:47:49.000 People were nervous playing her.

02:47:52.000 What's that English version with the huge table and the small balls?

02:47:56.000 I say snooker.

02:47:57.000 They say snooker.

02:47:58.000 Snooker.

02:47:59.000 I've never understood that one.

02:48:00.000 That's a very difficult sport.

02:48:02.000 And English snooker players who come over and play pool, they excel at it.

02:48:06.000 They must think pool Yeah, because the balls are smaller, the holes are smaller, and the table's bigger, and also the mechanics are so precise.

02:48:15.000 Like, you have to have absolute precise mechanics to play snooker.

02:48:19.000 Yeah, and it's a really valuable game.

02:48:22.000 Like, the guys who do it really well, they make a lot of money, or they did at one point in time.

02:48:26.000 I think its popularity has kind of dwindled a little bit.

02:48:28.000 But I remember when I was in England, I was doing a gig over there.

02:48:32.000 And I was in my hotel room, and I just turned on the TV, and I was watching snooker on TV. I was like, this is crazy.

02:48:37.000 Dude, they love their parlor games.

02:48:39.000 Darts.

02:48:41.000 Darts is the best.

02:48:43.000 520!

02:48:45.000 So good. 1.00

02:48:46.000 They love that pub shit. 1.00

02:48:47.000 They love the pub shit. 1.00

02:48:48.000 I mean, their creation of tennis, you know, it's like this court that's super tall. 1.00

02:48:54.000 You can hit off the walls.

02:48:55.000 What do you mean you can hit off the walls?

02:48:57.000 There's like different origins of the sport of tennis.

02:49:01.000 One of them is called this like...

02:49:04.000 I forget what it's called, but it's a mix of racquetball and tennis, and you could hit off the back ceiling, and each court would be different, but there'd be a net, and you'd use this racquet and a pressureless ball, and eventually tennis evolved out of that.

02:49:16.000 But these courts still exist in the deep of English country.

02:49:20.000 What's it called?

02:49:21.000 What do they call it over there?

02:49:22.000 I'll find out.

02:49:24.000 Jamie will find it.

02:49:25.000 Jamie will find it.

02:49:28.000 And this was, how long ago did tennis get invented?

02:49:31.000 I would say 500 years ago, but Jamie can also find that out as well.

02:49:36.000 I mean, initially, the scoring is complicated, right?

02:49:41.000 That's what everyone always says, I don't get the scoring.

02:49:43.000 The elites created tennis scoring to be difficult so the poor communities wouldn't learn it. 0.98

02:49:51.000 I mean, how fucking dirty is that, right? 0.98

02:49:54.000 And it still works. 0.97

02:49:55.000 Like, to this day, people are like, I don't want to do tennis, the scoring is too complicated.

02:50:00.000 Wow.

02:50:00.000 And yeah, it was like French and English royalty kind of took the game and they both went their separate ways with it in different ways.

02:50:08.000 It might start with an S. It's not squash, is it?

02:50:12.000 No, no, no.

02:50:12.000 It's not squash.

02:50:13.000 It's like, ah, shit, I could find it, but something rack. 0.99

02:50:19.000 If you Google like old fucking English tennis origin, it's strange. 0.99

02:50:28.000 Well, pool originated on a table with no holes. 0.97

02:50:32.000 Yeah, well there's...

02:50:33.000 Isn't that Snooker?

02:50:34.000 No.

02:50:35.000 Three cushioned billiards.

02:50:35.000 That's billiards.

02:50:37.000 Steak?

02:50:37.000 Yes, yes, yes.

02:50:38.000 That's a weird E on the end.

02:50:39.000 Yes. 0.99

02:50:41.000 Let's see what that shit looks like. 1.00

02:50:43.000 That's what that's called. 1.00

02:50:43.000 It's really fucking strange. 1.00

02:50:45.000 Let's see if we can find a video of that shit. 1.00

02:50:47.000 You can find current day videos. 1.00

02:50:50.000 They still playing? 1.00

02:50:51.000 Look at this shit, dude. 1.00

02:50:53.000 In like old... 1.00

02:50:55.000 Old English town.

02:50:56.000 This is part of the origination of tennis.

02:51:00.000 Oh, like this? 0.97

02:51:01.000 It doesn't fucking look like it. 0.95

02:51:03.000 Yeah, but that's super fucking nice. 0.95

02:51:05.000 But it's in a place like Racquetball. 1.00

02:51:08.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:51:09.000 This is wild. 1.00

02:51:10.000 But depending on the farmhouse that you live in...

02:51:13.000 This would be a different dimension, like a baseball stadium has a different field, you know, or different dimensions.

02:51:19.000 So you can kind of do like a little racquetball deal.

02:51:21.000 Oh, this is wild.

02:51:22.000 It's like a bastardized racquetball versus tennis.

02:51:26.000 Right, right.

02:51:27.000 Wow, this is wild.

02:51:28.000 You ever seen High Lie?

02:51:29.000 Yes. 1.00

02:51:30.000 That's fucking... 1.00

02:51:31.000 But that's a corrupt game. 1.00

02:51:32.000 That game is full of shit. 1.00

02:51:34.000 Those guys drop the ball all the time. 1.00

02:51:37.000 Whoops!

02:51:39.000 That game is polluted by gambling.

02:51:41.000 My dad used to take us to those games in Miami and we'd bet.

02:51:45.000 It was like nobody there.

02:51:46.000 My dad was like, what are we doing here?

02:51:48.000 People would be smoking and we're betting on highlight.

02:51:50.000 But yeah, that's like the origination of tennis, which I found.

02:51:52.000 I didn't know that.

02:51:53.000 I love the sport.

02:51:54.000 Google three cushion billiards.

02:51:56.000 So the original pocket billiards, I believe, was started in America.

02:52:02.000 It was like a saloon game.

02:52:04.000 We wanted to eat the ball.

02:52:05.000 It was thought, I don't know, maybe.

02:52:06.000 I think, for whatever reason, they put holes in the table.

02:52:11.000 But when they first started doing it, billiards was like a gentleman's sport.

02:52:15.000 And it was like a parlor game for the aristocrats. 0.99

02:52:18.000 And it was a game where it was all about making a ball, hit one ball, and then bounce off of three angles and hit This shit is crazy to me, and my brother has played it. 0.99

02:52:30.000 This is very difficult. 1.00

02:52:32.000 It must be boring as fuck. 1.00

02:52:33.000 I watch it. 1.00

02:52:35.000 I've gotten into watching it lately, quite a bit, for whatever reason.

02:52:38.000 You have to hit two balls and three rails or something?

02:52:41.000 No, it's three cushions.

02:52:42.000 So you hit the first ball, and then you have to hit one, two, three cushions, one, two, three cushions, and then he collides with the other ball down there.

02:52:50.000 But what has to hit the three cushions?

02:52:54.000 The cue ball?

02:52:55.000 The ball after striking.

02:52:57.000 So once you hit the original ball, the cue ball has to hit three cushions before it hits the second ball.

02:53:06.000 And there's a bunch of different versions of this too.

02:53:08.000 There's like bulk line where you just have to collide the two balls together and try to stay within certain parameters.

02:53:14.000 So this guy's going to hit this and then he's going to go all the way around the table.

02:53:18.000 So he's going to collide this and he's going to go up table.

02:53:20.000 One, two, three, and then collide with that second ball.

02:53:24.000 See that?

02:53:25.000 But it's always going to miss it.

02:53:26.000 See, that's a very difficult game.

02:53:28.000 It's very difficult because you have to have a real understanding of angles and the harder you hit, the sharper the angle will be because you're digging into the cushion.

02:53:38.000 So it's coming off shorter.

02:53:40.000 And the reason that that's this next guy's shot is because he missed the second ball?

02:53:44.000 Exactly.

02:53:45.000 Interesting.

02:53:45.000 So he missed that ball, so now this guy is trying to figure out.

02:53:48.000 So he's going to use this yellow ball, and he's going to do the same thing. 0.94

02:53:52.000 Oh, you can fucking hit the yellow ball, too? 0.96

02:53:54.000 I think that's his ball. 0.99

02:53:55.000 I don't know.

02:53:56.000 I've never played this.

02:53:58.000 I mean, I've banged around balls, but look, see how he does this?

02:54:01.000 Oh, that was great. 0.92

02:54:02.000 This guy's body type is perfect for pool, isn't it? 0.99

02:54:06.000 All fat and lazy. 0.96

02:54:07.000 Is that what you're saying? 0.98

02:54:10.000 World record high run, 40. So he did 40 in a row like this.

02:54:16.000 Wow.

02:54:18.000 And this is 2020. So in other countries, this game is still very popular.

02:54:23.000 There was a place that I used to go to in Vegas.

02:54:25.000 There was this Italian guy who ran this pool hall. 0.97

02:54:30.000 And he had a pool hall, and it had the best fucking Italian food in Vegas. 0.97

02:54:35.000 This guy came from Rome, and he was a cook. 0.97

02:54:39.000 And he was also a guy who loved pool.

02:54:41.000 But he also had Italian billiards.

02:54:44.000 And Italian billiards was really weird. 1.00

02:54:46.000 What the fuck? 0.99

02:54:47.000 But he had a terrible business model. 1.00

02:54:49.000 Nobody plays this fucking game. 1.00

02:54:51.000 So Italian billiards have these little statues that you put- I've seen that fucking thing. 1.00

02:54:57.000 I never got it. 0.99

02:54:58.000 I was in the pool.

02:54:59.000 I was like, explain this to me.

02:55:00.000 And the guy kept trying to sell me his business.

02:55:03.000 Go on, I'm buying my business.

02:55:05.000 I sent it to you.

02:55:06.000 I'm like, I'm not buying your business, bro.

02:55:08.000 I'm not buying a pool hall in Vegas.

02:55:10.000 But see those little statues?

02:55:13.000 I don't know what those things do.

02:55:14.000 Those little pins.

02:55:15.000 And you gotta knock them over or something?

02:55:17.000 I don't even know what it is.

02:55:19.000 Isn't this interesting that every culture has some different form of like...

02:55:23.000 Yeah, it's weird.

02:55:25.000 When I would go to White Plains, to Executive Billiards in White Plains, they had one billiard table that they had set up.

02:55:31.000 And all these Mexican dudes would come in and play three-cushion billiards. 1.00

02:55:37.000 They loved three-cushion billiards.

02:55:39.000 And they would gamble in it.

02:55:40.000 Five-pin billiards.

02:55:42.000 I never understood it.

02:55:42.000 Yeah.

02:55:43.000 I was like, I don't...

02:55:45.000 What are you doing?

02:55:46.000 But a lot of the best pool players also play billiards because they have this extreme understanding of the angles and where the ball's going.

02:55:55.000 You have to have this really weird perception of where the thing's going to be.

02:56:01.000 You've got to really have a deep understanding of where the ball's going to go.

02:56:04.000 I love any sport that you can excel and wear a bow tie in.

02:56:09.000 For real.

02:56:09.000 You know?

02:56:10.000 That guy's wearing a vest with a bow tie?

02:56:12.000 That's sick.

02:56:13.000 Well, the snooker guys all dress real nice.

02:56:15.000 That's nice.

02:56:15.000 They dress slick.

02:56:16.000 And the dark guys always got a beer in their hand and they look like dark guys. 0.97

02:56:20.000 It's always fun watching someone's body type.

02:56:20.000 It's great.

02:56:24.000 Did they morph into this body type from being successful at their activity or other way around?

02:56:29.000 Are they successful at this activity because of their body type?

02:56:31.000 Well, I think if you are a person who plays that all the time, you're not doing a lot of weightlifting.

02:56:37.000 You're not running a lot.

02:56:38.000 You're just at that pool hall knocking balls around all the time.

02:56:42.000 Some of the better American guys are pretty fit, though, because they've realized that there's a great value in keeping your body strong.

02:56:51.000 You can play longer and better and concentrate better and also maintain your vitality later into your life.

02:56:59.000 I love when Tiger Woods came on the scene.

02:57:01.000 They're like, he's taking fitness seriously.

02:57:03.000 And I was like, why did golf not realize that that was going to be advantageous?

02:57:07.000 Because of John Daly? 1.00

02:57:07.000 Don't be a fat fuck and you can be better at this sport. 1.00

02:57:10.000 But John Daly was a fat fuck and he was killing it. 1.00

02:57:14.000 Tell it to Bert Kreischer. 1.00

02:57:16.000 Right.

02:57:17.000 Bert Kreischer apparently has a sick serve.

02:57:19.000 Really?

02:57:19.000 I know he likes tennis.

02:57:21.000 He cornered me once at the Irvine Improv and was like, we've got to make a tennis show.

02:57:25.000 And then he was gone.

02:57:27.000 I don't know.

02:57:28.000 Tequila on his breath.

02:57:31.000 I haven't seen Bert in ages, man.

02:57:33.000 Bert's killing it on the road.

02:57:34.000 I know he's killing it.

02:57:35.000 He does those drive-in movie shows.

02:57:36.000 I heard, but I also can't see him with his shirt off anymore. 0.85

02:57:40.000 So if I'm scrolling and I see it, I just fucking scroll faster.

02:57:43.000 So I don't know if you need to hear that, Bert. 0.66

02:57:45.000 But if I'm feeling that way, maybe other people are too.

02:57:47.000 I don't know.

02:57:48.000 It's a thing now.

02:57:49.000 He's stuck with it.

02:57:50.000 It's like Jeff Dunham without the puppets.

02:57:51.000 Right.

02:57:52.000 Well, is he talking about not having a shirt on?

02:57:52.000 You can't do it.

02:57:55.000 He just takes his shirt off and he gets on stage.

02:57:56.000 Oh, okay.

02:57:57.000 The only place he wouldn't do it is the OR. He felt weird doing it in the OR. But it was too intimate.

02:58:04.000 And also felt like it was a workout room.

02:58:04.000 Right.

02:58:06.000 It just felt weird.

02:58:07.000 But he would do it in the main room.

02:58:07.000 Right.

02:58:08.000 So every time he did a set in the main room, first of all, I would go on after him all the time and I would always have to hug him.

02:58:15.000 Oh, right.

02:58:15.000 Hug his sweaty body.

02:58:17.000 His big old sweaty body.

02:58:17.000 That's hilarious.

02:58:18.000 I mean, that's his thing.

02:58:19.000 He just wanted to take his shirt off before he goes on stage.

02:58:22.000 Well.

02:58:22.000 I don't know.

02:58:23.000 You can create your thing.

02:58:24.000 Yeah, that's his thing.

02:58:26.000 Everybody has a thing.

02:58:27.000 That's his thing.

02:58:28.000 Well, he's, you know, the life of the party.

02:58:30.000 He's the party guy.

02:58:31.000 He is, and he's always...

02:58:33.000 I have only interacted with him five times.

02:58:36.000 It's always super friendly, super fun.

02:58:38.000 One of the nicest guys ever lived.

02:58:40.000 One of the nicest guys of all time.

02:58:41.000 One of my favorite people.

02:58:42.000 I love him to death.

02:58:43.000 But yeah, he likes to party.

02:58:43.000 Oh, that's great.

02:58:45.000 It hasn't stopped or slowed down at all.

02:58:48.000 There's a video of him on his tour bus drunk with a table covered in McDonald's.

02:58:53.000 I mean, they have, like, he went to McDonald's, essentially they went to the drive-thru and ordered everything.

02:58:58.000 And all him and his opening acts were just eating.

02:59:01.000 Crushing.

02:59:02.000 I don't buy that this is still fun for him.

02:59:06.000 Come on.

02:59:06.000 In what way?

02:59:07.000 To get drunk and eat all that food?

02:59:08.000 I mean, getting drunk is fun.

02:59:09.000 But the recovery, like for me, getting drunk has always been fun.

02:59:14.000 The recovery is just getting worse and worse and worse and worse.

02:59:17.000 And now I get like mental recovery.

02:59:19.000 I get like anxiety.

02:59:21.000 Yeah, he gets that too.

02:59:22.000 And he just pushes through it over and over again.

02:59:24.000 At some point, he's got to stop with that.

02:59:26.000 Well, everyone's different.

02:59:27.000 Yep.

02:59:27.000 And you know what?

02:59:28.000 I'm not suggesting he does.

02:59:29.000 I'm just saying what's happened to me at 41 is I go like, I really got away.

02:59:34.000 Is it worth it?

02:59:35.000 Well, it's funny.

02:59:36.000 We had a conversation about this because our friend Tom Segura hurt himself really bad. 0.99

02:59:41.000 Yeah, what the fuck happened to him? 0.98

02:59:42.000 Well, Bert and him were playing a basketball game, and Tom can dunk, right? 0.99

02:59:48.000 On a 10-foot hoop?

02:59:50.000 A 9-foot hoop.

02:59:51.000 Okay, God, you've got to say that.

02:59:52.000 Sorry.

02:59:54.000 You've had this conversation before.

02:59:56.000 Up to a certain point, and this was the point.

02:59:59.000 So he blew out his patella tendon and then fell and snapped his arm in half.

03:00:05.000 Right here.

03:00:06.000 The big one.

03:00:07.000 Yeah, the big one.

03:00:08.000 And then snapped his arm in half.

03:00:09.000 Yeah, so he has no left leg, no left arm.

03:00:12.000 I saw the Instagram pictures.

03:00:14.000 Oh my god.

03:00:15.000 Horrific.

03:00:16.000 So the leg's gone, the arm's gone, and he's still in a rehab place.

03:00:20.000 He's still... 1.00

03:00:21.000 He's fucked. 1.00

03:00:22.000 Yeah, his arm has a scar that goes from his elbow up to his shoulder. 1.00

03:00:26.000 He got all that for trying to dunk on a nine-foot rim?

03:00:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:00:30.000 Oh, fuck, Tom. 1.00

03:00:31.000 Look, he's a little overweight, and he's 46 years old. 1.00

03:00:34.000 But him and Bert were doing this thing, and Bert had a conversation with me.

03:00:42.000 He goes, I was always like, because Bert would do all this exercise, and I'd be like, how are your knees?

03:00:48.000 And he goes, my knees are fine.

03:00:49.000 He goes, maybe Joe doesn't understand how knees work.

03:00:52.000 And he goes, then I realized, after seeing Tommy blow his knee out, like, oh my god, that can happen at any moment.

03:00:59.000 I've had three knee surgeries.

03:01:00.000 I've had two ACL reconstructions.

03:01:02.000 I've had my meniscus scoped.

03:01:03.000 I've gone through a lot.

03:01:05.000 I understand vulnerability.

03:01:06.000 You're familiar with their vulnerability.

03:01:08.000 They've never done that before.

03:01:10.000 So when someone... 0.96

03:01:11.000 Thinks it's gonna be okay to be 250 fucking pounds and try to dunk, and I might be generous by saying 250, and try to dunk and realize, like, oh, you're risking everything. 0.99

03:01:24.000 Like, you could blow—you're so overweight. 0.99

03:01:26.000 Like, doing all this activity, explosive activity, is exceedingly dangerous.

03:01:31.000 I mean, just overpacking a suitcase and carrying it to the car, you feel that impact.

03:01:38.000 And this is your knee that's now carrying this.

03:01:40.000 But Tom is in pretty good shape at the time, apparently.

03:01:43.000 This is before the injury.

03:01:44.000 They're playing against someone.

03:01:46.000 Do they have video footage of the injury?

03:01:49.000 That will be out on their Two Bears, One Cave live on New Year's Eve.

03:01:52.000 Oh, they're actually...

03:01:54.000 Who's he playing?

03:01:55.000 Oh, that's that kid, that YouTube kid.

03:01:57.000 That's really good.

03:01:58.000 Yeah, that kid's really good.

03:01:58.000 Yeah, he's really good.

03:02:00.000 So they were recording this, obviously from multiple angles, and Tom hurt himself.

03:02:04.000 Yeah.

03:02:05.000 Oh.

03:02:05.000 Look at Bert trying to get that guy's ball.

03:02:07.000 That kid is really good. 0.99

03:02:08.000 He's just fucking with him. 1.00

03:02:09.000 Oh, look at that. 1.00

03:02:10.000 Tom blocked that ball.

03:02:11.000 I actually, look, based off...

03:02:13.000 Jesus Christ.

03:02:13.000 Look at Bert's belly.

03:02:14.000 Oh my God, dude.

03:02:15.000 He's pregnant. 0.98

03:02:16.000 But I would say both of them move better than I would have anticipated. 0.99

03:02:20.000 He can't even fucking hold onto the ball. 0.99

03:02:23.000 Oh, I see. 0.99

03:02:23.000 They're doing a two-on-one. 0.99

03:02:24.000 Yeah, they're doing a two-on-one, and he's like 20 years old.

03:02:26.000 Well, he's really good.

03:02:28.000 He's got a bunch of videos of him going to basketball courts in neighborhoods and just schooling people.

03:02:34.000 All these people talking trash, and he's really good.

03:02:37.000 You know, Bobby Riggs is an interesting character, the guy who lost the Battle of the Sexes to Billie Jean King.

03:02:43.000 He was a former world number one, a former Wimbledon champion.

03:02:48.000 When...

03:02:51.000 Yeah.

03:03:05.000 We're good to go.

03:03:21.000 Was that, did he throw the match?

03:03:24.000 Like, was he gambling this thing away?

03:03:27.000 Now, I would make the argument he did not throw the match.

03:03:29.000 I would make the argument that Billie Jean King was a much better tennis player than him at that time in his life.

03:03:35.000 But, fascinating character, and his first Wimbledon, he bet on himself to win Wimbledon singles, Wimbledon doubles, and Wimbledon mixed doubles, and he did.

03:03:48.000 What?

03:03:48.000 And this was before it was a professional tournament, so that was how he made his living.

03:03:53.000 He bet on himself to win in its amazing character. 0.99

03:03:56.000 But anyways, watching Bert and Tom play hoops like backyard shit made me think of Bobby Riggs. 0.89

03:04:02.000 One of the things about New York City that I always thought, like, I have these romantic ideas, like, romantic ideas like living in the mountains. 0.98

03:04:09.000 That's one of them.

03:04:10.000 Another one is being a chess hustler in New York City.

03:04:15.000 Even though I can't even play chess.

03:04:16.000 But watching those guys play and just knowing that you could just show up there and get a game at any time.

03:04:23.000 And these literal grandmasters.

03:04:26.000 These people play so good.

03:04:28.000 Like in Searching for Bobby Fischer. 1.00

03:04:29.000 These guys are fucking killers. 1.00

03:04:31.000 And they all meet there every day and play chess. 1.00

03:04:34.000 They set up their board, they got their coffee, and they read the paper, and when you sit down...

03:04:38.000 And you know what? 0.98

03:04:39.000 You can sit down and be shitty at chess. 0.97

03:04:41.000 They won't sit with you very long. 0.97

03:04:44.000 They'll defeat you, but they'll maybe help you a little bit. 0.90

03:04:47.000 But yeah, it's pretty fucking cool that they do that.

03:04:49.000 Well, it's interesting that there's a community like that.

03:04:51.000 Yeah.

03:04:51.000 Yeah, that they have this place where they can go and play.

03:04:54.000 I always thought that's amazing.

03:04:56.000 That's cool.

03:04:56.000 If there's something you were really into, there was a place you knew you could go.

03:05:00.000 Well, that used to be the case with New York City with pool, too.

03:05:03.000 New York City had a strong pool community, whereas the pool has kind of died out in a lot of the country.

03:05:08.000 In Los Angeles, man, it was impossible to find a pool hall.

03:05:12.000 There was House of Billiards in Santa Monica. 0.99

03:05:13.000 I was going to say, where the fuck would... 0.99

03:05:15.000 House of Billiards in Santa Monica, there's Hard Times down in Bellflower, which is like world class. 1.00

03:05:19.000 Hard Times, but COVID's killed them.

03:05:22.000 Killed everybody.

03:05:23.000 I think Santa Monica's going under. 0.94

03:05:24.000 I think they're going to sell.

03:05:25.000 And then there's House of Billiards in Sherman Oaks, too, where I used to play.

03:05:30.000 I mean, and you need space.

03:05:31.000 You need space.

03:05:32.000 Yeah, you need a lot of tables.

03:05:33.000 Yeah.

03:05:34.000 And it's not something like a chest.

03:05:36.000 We could just go to the park and set up.

03:05:38.000 Yeah.

03:05:39.000 You need tables.

03:05:40.000 They need to be maintained.

03:05:41.000 You need lights.

03:05:42.000 There's always a little bit of a...

03:05:45.000 When you walk into a pool hall, you always feel like it's been put on like a grimy filter.

03:05:49.000 You know?

03:05:50.000 Always. 1.00

03:05:51.000 Yeah, dirty people. 0.97

03:05:52.000 And people on dates. 0.95

03:05:54.000 Right, that's true. 1.00

03:05:55.000 And dudes who don't know how to play, they talk a lot of shit. 1.00

03:05:58.000 There's always a lot of that. 0.99

03:06:00.000 It's a very American game, you know?

03:06:04.000 I've been to the house at Billiards there in Santa Monica with my brother a few times, but I just never could...

03:06:10.000 The brain didn't click as much.

03:06:13.000 Different sports, my brain clicked.

03:06:15.000 But like Billiards, it was just never...

03:06:15.000 Oh, I got that.

03:06:17.000 I still hold it like this.

03:06:19.000 I'm not supposed to do the like...

03:06:20.000 What is it like that?

03:06:21.000 Well, it depends on the shot.

03:06:23.000 Okay.

03:06:23.000 All right.

03:06:23.000 Got it.

03:06:24.000 Open bridge or closed bridge.

03:06:25.000 I would love to have my own cue.

03:06:27.000 That would have been sick.

03:06:28.000 Yeah.

03:06:29.000 Doom.

03:06:29.000 Screw it in.

03:06:30.000 For me, it was probably a thing that I never would have gotten into if I didn't get injured.

03:06:30.000 It's...

03:06:34.000 But when I got injured, when you tear an ACL, it's a long rehab.

03:06:39.000 It's months and months.

03:06:41.000 And I couldn't do any martial arts.

03:06:43.000 So I would play pool.

03:06:45.000 And so when I started playing pool, I got really lucky that the place that I went to was filled with hustlers and filled with guys who were playing big money games.

03:06:53.000 And it's a bachelor's thing.

03:06:56.000 It totally is.

03:06:57.000 These guys...

03:06:58.000 Most of them were divorced, or they're never going to get married, or they're living in flophouses, and all they did was play pool.

03:07:06.000 And they would meet together, and they would go to places, and people would come to them, and they would gamble.

03:07:11.000 It was all about gambling.

03:07:12.000 And I fell in love with it, because I was like, wow, this is like a lost part of our society.

03:07:18.000 Totally.

03:07:19.000 And it was also...

03:07:21.000 A man thing.

03:07:23.000 It wasn't that there weren't women there. 0.99

03:07:25.000 There were women there. 1.00

03:07:26.000 There were women that really got into the game as well. 1.00

03:07:28.000 But these guys were smoking cigarettes, and they were talking shit, and they were gambling, and like, you don't have any fucking heart. 1.00

03:07:37.000 You want to bet some money, motherfucker? 1.00

03:07:39.000 It was this total outlier of society thing, this outcast thing. 1.00

03:07:44.000 And I just felt like...

03:07:46.000 Look, I always felt like an outcast as a person.

03:07:49.000 I always felt real uncomfortable around people that had stable families.

03:07:53.000 That's why I got into comedy.

03:07:55.000 I felt like, oh, these people are all weirdos too.

03:07:57.000 And then with Poole, it's like, oh, these people are weirdos too.

03:08:00.000 It's like, oh, this is like this weird segment of society that they just decided, you know what? 1.00

03:08:07.000 Fuck a job. 1.00

03:08:08.000 I'm just going to hustle Poole. 1.00

03:08:09.000 I'm going to play in tournaments.

03:08:11.000 I'm going to travel on the road.

03:08:12.000 I'm going to barely get by, but I'm going to be doing what I enjoy doing.

03:08:16.000 It has, much like comedy, because when I entered the comedy community, I remember thinking like, oh, this is great.

03:08:24.000 These people don't judge at all.

03:08:26.000 At all.

03:08:26.000 Except for your set.

03:08:27.000 Then they're all fucking judging, going, that's not fine. 0.99

03:08:29.000 They literally don't give a fuck what you do, who you are, what you look like. 0.99

03:08:33.000 It's beautiful. 0.98

03:08:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:08:34.000 If you're a killer, you're a killer. 1.00

03:08:36.000 If you're a killer, you're a killer. 1.00

03:08:37.000 And I remember coming from... 0.98

03:08:40.000 My family was very structured.

03:08:42.000 Sports is very structured. 1.00

03:08:44.000 And when I entered the comedy world, it was like, holy fuck. 0.99

03:08:47.000 Anything goes. 0.99

03:08:48.000 Anything goes, and it was very freeing, and it is true.

03:08:48.000 Yeah.

03:08:52.000 When you walk into a pool hall, you see some boys in the corner smoking, and they're talking shit, and it's a little bit of a ragtag group. 1.00

03:09:00.000 Yeah, a lot of a ragtag group. 0.96

03:09:02.000 It was at the time when I first started playing pool, I realized that these were the people that they were...

03:09:12.000 They were the people that, just for whatever reason, nothing else clicked.

03:09:17.000 Nothing else clicked.

03:09:18.000 But they found this place where they were all doing drugs.

03:09:23.000 What kind of drugs?

03:09:24.000 All kinds of drugs.

03:09:25.000 Pills.

03:09:26.000 A lot of guys did pills.

03:09:27.000 Like to focus on the game?

03:09:29.000 And also just because they were junkies.

03:09:31.000 Also because they were addicted to drugs.

03:09:33.000 Coke.

03:09:33.000 A lot of guys did coke.

03:09:35.000 A lot of guys smoked pot.

03:09:36.000 It was just a wild community.

03:09:39.000 They were just different kinds of human beings.

03:09:41.000 They were wild people, man.

03:09:43.000 They were really wild people.

03:09:45.000 And they just were outcasts.

03:09:47.000 I met this one guy, his name was International Sal.

03:09:51.000 That's his first name, International Sal.

03:09:52.000 That was his nickname.

03:09:53.000 Everybody had a nickname.

03:09:54.000 But International Sal was one of the first guys to ever run scams with credit cards.

03:10:02.000 You know those things we were talking about, those credit card things?

03:10:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:10:05.000 Well, he would take those car bins and he would buy them from stores. 0.99

03:10:09.000 He had a guy in stores that would get them to him, and then they would make a duplicate of that card, and they would use those cards, and they would buy a bunch of shit and sell a bunch of shit. 0.99

03:10:19.000 And so he was like a gangster. 0.98

03:10:21.000 He would be at the pool hall, and guys would come to him with paper bags filled with money. 0.98

03:10:26.000 It's always some shady shit going on there. 0.95

03:10:28.000 Oh yeah, yeah. 1.00

03:10:29.000 And he would lose it all. 1.00

03:10:30.000 He was a loser. 0.99

03:10:32.000 International Sal? 0.99

03:10:33.000 Yeah, but he could play.

03:10:34.000 He could play too, but he would always choke.

03:10:36.000 And that was the knock on International Sal, is that when it came down to the money ball, he would always fall apart.

03:10:42.000 And he was always addicted to gambling.

03:10:45.000 So he was always trying to gamble, and he would come down to the money ball and always fall apart.

03:10:49.000 It was wild to see.

03:10:51.000 These people, they lived in this way that was so...

03:10:55.000 Outside the lines. 0.99

03:10:58.000 I mean, I'm thinking of the biathlon now, when they fucking cross-country ski, and then they lay down, and they gotta fire the gun. 0.99

03:10:58.000 That's crazy. 0.99

03:11:08.000 Yeah.

03:11:09.000 And they fire in between.

03:11:10.000 They can bring their heart rate down 40 beats a minute.

03:11:14.000 Meaning, if it's at 160, they can bring it to 120. And so they can fire in between their heartbeats.

03:11:20.000 It doesn't affect their gun.

03:11:23.000 And I'm also thinking about pool, and on the Moneyball...

03:11:28.000 It's the pressure shot, and it's a fine movement like you were saying earlier, and you do have to figure out how to execute that under pressure with such tiny motor skills.

03:11:38.000 That's crazy.

03:11:39.000 You have to not think about missing.

03:11:41.000 The thing is, when you think about missing, you miss. 1.00

03:11:43.000 You're so fucked. 1.00

03:11:44.000 It's really weird. 1.00

03:11:45.000 You've got to achieve this zen state. 1.00

03:11:48.000 But you have as much time as you want on the shot, right?

03:11:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:11:50.000 Well, no.

03:11:51.000 On some matches, they execute a shot clock.

03:11:55.000 Okay.

03:11:55.000 Oh, right.

03:11:56.000 TV billions, I've seen that.

03:11:58.000 Yeah, but that's to try to make it more interesting.

03:12:01.000 But most of the time in professional tournaments, they don't have a shot clock.

03:12:04.000 In Hustler Pool, there's no shot clock.

03:12:07.000 And that's one thing that people do that frustrates people is they'll overlook a shot, like look at a shot over and over and over again, just to drive the guy crazy. 0.99

03:12:07.000 No, there's no fucking rules. 0.99

03:12:16.000 He's sitting there watching, and people are like, well, we fucking shoot already? 0.99

03:12:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:12:19.000 And like, I'll take my time.

03:12:20.000 I'll shoot when I want. 0.99

03:12:21.000 You can shoot when you want. 1.00

03:12:22.000 And they have these arguments and shit. 1.00

03:12:23.000 But there's so much psychology involved in gambling and playing games and fucking with each other, you know? 0.99

03:12:31.000 There was this guy, his nickname was Water Dog. 0.99

03:12:35.000 And he was addicted to heroin.

03:12:36.000 And he would go into the bathroom.

03:12:41.000 Also, his other nickname was Buffalo Bill, for some strange reason.

03:12:44.000 But he would go to the bathroom, because he looked like Buffalo Bill.

03:12:46.000 He had this crazy mustache. 0.52

03:12:47.000 He would go to the bathroom, and he would shoot heroin. 0.83

03:12:49.000 And he would come out, and he would sit on a chair.

03:12:53.000 He'd sit on one of these pool stools like this.

03:12:55.000 Getting the nods.

03:12:56.000 Right.

03:12:57.000 Just sit there for like a half an hour.

03:12:58.000 And then he'd come out of it and he'd be ready to play.

03:13:01.000 And he had like dead eyes like a gerbil.

03:13:03.000 Like a shark eyes.

03:13:04.000 And he wouldn't miss. 0.99

03:13:05.000 He would not fucking miss. 0.98

03:13:07.000 And he was a world class player. 0.99

03:13:09.000 Like a legitimate...

03:13:11.000 World-class professional player. 0.99

03:13:13.000 And when he shot heroin, he couldn't fucking miss. 0.99

03:13:17.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

03:13:17.000 He played so good. 0.99

03:13:18.000 And I met him in New Jersey.

03:13:20.000 Or I met him in New York, rather.

03:13:22.000 I played with him all over the East Coast.

03:13:24.000 And then when I came to LA, I went to Hard Times Billiards.

03:13:28.000 I was on a television show.

03:13:30.000 I was on news radio.

03:13:31.000 And on Sundays, I would go play in the Hard Times tournament.

03:13:33.000 They had this professional tournament down there.

03:13:35.000 And I would always lose, but I would play.

03:13:37.000 And I went down there on Sunday.

03:13:38.000 It would be Nineball?

03:13:39.000 Yeah.

03:13:39.000 And I went down there.

03:13:41.000 Some of the best players in the world would come down to the Hard Times Sunday player.

03:13:44.000 And he was there.

03:13:45.000 And he didn't have any money to get into the tournament.

03:13:47.000 And so he was there.

03:13:49.000 And I go, hey man, what are you doing?

03:13:50.000 And he goes, what are you doing out here?

03:13:52.000 I go, I live here now.

03:13:54.000 He was out of it.

03:13:55.000 He didn't understand.

03:13:56.000 I was on television.

03:13:57.000 He didn't understand anything.

03:13:58.000 But he just knew me as Joe the Comedian.

03:14:00.000 Because I was Joe the Comedian.

03:14:02.000 And I go, are you playing?

03:14:04.000 He goes, I don't have the money to get in.

03:14:06.000 I go, I'll put you in.

03:14:07.000 And he goes, I got to get a bag though.

03:14:09.000 And I go, okay.

03:14:10.000 And he goes, can you take me?

03:14:12.000 I go, take you where? 1.00

03:14:13.000 To get a fucking bag? 0.99

03:14:14.000 I go, dude, if we get arrested, they take my car. 1.00

03:14:17.000 He goes, we won't get arrested.

03:14:18.000 I go, no, no, no.

03:14:19.000 We could easily get arrested.

03:14:21.000 I go, a white guy in a Toyota Supra in Compton looking for heroin?

03:14:26.000 Yeah, we might get arrested.

03:14:27.000 Offering to pay for his game is nice.

03:14:28.000 You don't have to take him to go get heroin. 1.00

03:14:30.000 So I put him in the tournament with no heroin and he played like shit. 1.00

03:14:33.000 Not only did he play like shit, like on purpose. 1.00

03:14:35.000 Like you could tell. 1.00

03:14:36.000 He was just so frustrated that I wouldn't take him to get heroin.

03:14:39.000 He was like really mad.

03:14:40.000 He's really mad at me for not taking it.

03:14:42.000 He's like, you're not going to lose your car.

03:14:43.000 I'm like, but I could. 0.93

03:14:44.000 I go, I'm not going to fucking risk my car. 0.86

03:14:47.000 I'm not going to get arrested buying heroin. 0.99

03:14:49.000 I'm not going to drive you to Compton buying heroin, man.

03:14:52.000 Strange.

03:14:52.000 Yeah.

03:14:53.000 And then he died a few years later.

03:14:53.000 Sad.

03:14:55.000 It was not...

03:14:56.000 Yeah.

03:14:57.000 What was the international...

03:14:59.000 Where did that come from?

03:15:00.000 International Sal?

03:15:01.000 Yeah.

03:15:01.000 Because of the amount of money that he made.

03:15:04.000 He made millions of dollars.

03:15:05.000 That was just his nickname, International Sal.

03:15:07.000 Right.

03:15:08.000 It was American Express cards.

03:15:10.000 He ran the scam with American Express cards.

03:15:12.000 This is like...

03:15:13.000 When I met him, he had already gotten out of jail.

03:15:15.000 And it was 93-ish?

03:15:19.000 93-ish?

03:15:20.000 92 maybe?

03:15:20.000 92?

03:15:21.000 Yeah.

03:15:22.000 Maybe even earlier?

03:15:23.000 Yeah, 92. So he had probably been in jail in the, like, 80s.

03:15:30.000 Like when they first invented credit cards and they first did the swiping thing, he figured out a way to make extra credit cards.

03:15:37.000 And, you know, there was no computers back then.

03:15:39.000 So you could literally make a copy of someone's card.

03:15:42.000 And by the time they figured out that it wasn't...

03:15:44.000 You got the bill at the end of the month. 0.99

03:15:46.000 You're like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

03:15:47.000 I didn't buy a car. 0.99

03:15:49.000 And then they would have to figure out a way to make money.

03:15:51.000 Now your phone goes, did you just spend whatever, whatever.

03:15:54.000 Instantly you get a notification.

03:15:54.000 Exactly.

03:15:55.000 Yeah.

03:15:56.000 Airplane tickets?

03:15:57.000 Take my airplane ticket?

03:15:58.000 Airplane ticket?

03:15:59.000 It's like hilarious.

03:16:00.000 So for whatever reason, you know, they'd call them International Sal.

03:16:03.000 That's funny.

03:16:04.000 But there was all these different guys that had these crazy names.

03:16:07.000 Some of them were real simple, like Ray the Fireman, who's just a guy who was a fireman.

03:16:10.000 You know, and then, you know, there's different people with different nicknames based on, you know, where you came from, like Mount Vernon Tommy.

03:16:17.000 He's from Mount Vernon.

03:16:18.000 White Plains Charlie was this guy that I met.

03:16:22.000 He was this old dude.

03:16:23.000 He was really old and really frail.

03:16:26.000 He probably weighed about 90 pounds.

03:16:27.000 But he was a killer pool player who just was addicted to gambling.

03:16:32.000 He would horse bet all day.

03:16:35.000 He'd bet the horses, like off-track betting.

03:16:37.000 He would do that all day.

03:16:38.000 And they would come in and play pool and would always lose.

03:16:41.000 He would win occasionally, but most of the time lose.

03:16:44.000 It's kind of a gambler's paradise as far as the sport's concerned, right?

03:16:47.000 Because each shot could be a fresh gamble, a fresh bet.

03:16:51.000 I mean, maybe that's why it attracts this type.

03:16:54.000 It was based on gambling.

03:16:55.000 See, the game pool is not pool.

03:16:57.000 Pool is a term for pooling money together to gamble.

03:17:01.000 The game is pocket billiards.

03:17:02.000 Its foundation is gambling. 0.98

03:17:05.000 Well, it's a bunch of dirtbags.

03:17:07.000 A bunch of men, in the turn of the century, in the 1900s, in New York City, there was a thousand pool halls. 0.77

03:17:14.000 A thousand.

03:17:15.000 Wow.

03:17:16.000 That's how popular Pool was.

03:17:17.000 Wow.

03:17:18.000 And it was a lot of men that didn't want to get married.

03:17:21.000 Right.

03:17:21.000 And they didn't want to live this life that they had been sort of forced upon.

03:17:25.000 And they had decided to just live like dirtbags.

03:17:28.000 And, you know, through the Great Depression, these guys just made a living hustling.

03:17:32.000 Wow.

03:17:33.000 Yeah.

03:17:34.000 That's nuts how many pool tables.

03:17:36.000 A thousand.

03:17:37.000 Yeah.

03:17:37.000 A thousand pool halls.

03:17:38.000 Pool halls were everywhere.

03:17:39.000 And there's some amazing photographs from the early 1900s from New York City.

03:17:43.000 So when The Hustler came out in 1963, pool was like probably on the downslide a little bit.

03:17:52.000 Right.

03:17:53.000 Like it probably wasn't what it used to be, but it was still way more popular than it was, you know, today it's not popular at all.

03:18:00.000 I was going to say, man.

03:18:00.000 It's really fallen off.

03:18:03.000 I haven't played in a long fucking time. 0.98

03:18:06.000 In LA, it's non-existent. 0.98

03:18:08.000 But in here, in Texas, there's still some pool halls.

03:18:10.000 There's some places you can go.

03:18:12.000 But it's just one of those things.

03:18:13.000 It takes a long time to learn.

03:18:15.000 And video games are more exciting.

03:18:18.000 A lot of kids that would have gone and played pool, they became addicted to video games instead.

03:18:24.000 It may have a resurgence after the Netflix series called The King's Pocket.

03:18:30.000 Yeah!

03:18:30.000 You know?

03:18:31.000 Well, if someone came up with a real Netflix series where they explained like the...

03:18:38.000 It would have to be like The Queen's Gambit.

03:18:40.000 It would have to be like one of those things where you had to...

03:18:43.000 You would have to explain the love and the passion that these people have for the addiction.

03:18:49.000 You know?

03:18:49.000 Yeah.

03:18:50.000 Because for...

03:18:51.000 There's a great book called McGurdy.

03:18:55.000 It's about...

03:18:56.000 I forget the author.

03:18:59.000 But it's about this famous pool hustler that lived during the Depression. 0.98

03:19:03.000 It's really kind of a fucked up book. 0.98

03:19:04.000 It's sad. 0.99

03:19:05.000 Talking about almost starving to death and just living this life trying to hustle people.

03:19:09.000 But...

03:19:12.000 We're good to go.

03:19:33.000 I always felt that handball was like this.

03:19:36.000 Oh.

03:19:37.000 But I don't know a first thing about handball, but now that I live in New York, I see the culture and the community of handball, and it seems almost like a similar vibe.

03:19:46.000 I have no idea.

03:19:47.000 A lot of people play that in prison.

03:19:49.000 A lot of boxers would play handball.

03:19:52.000 It's definitely a blue-collar vibe.

03:19:55.000 As a tennis player, I always felt like I'm probably too country club for handball, but...

03:20:00.000 It's like a small ball to hit with your hand, right?

03:20:03.000 I don't know enough things about it, but it's definitely New York City.

03:20:08.000 It's definitely got that vibe.

03:20:09.000 Yeah, it doesn't really exist anymore anywhere else.

03:20:11.000 Venice Beach has a couple.

03:20:12.000 Do they?

03:20:13.000 Yeah, I would sometimes go and watch these guys.

03:20:16.000 Two hands.

03:20:17.000 They always got jeans on, you know, what?

03:20:19.000 When I was a kid, I worked at the Boston Athletic Club when I was 19. I was a fitness trainer, teach people how to look weights and shit. 0.99

03:20:25.000 Oh, cool. 0.99

03:20:26.000 And they had racquetball courts there. 0.95

03:20:27.000 And there was this kid, this fucking super handsome kid, who was really, like, girls loved him. 0.97

03:20:33.000 And he was a racquetball champion, world champion. 0.99

03:20:35.000 Wow. 0.99

03:20:36.000 But he was fucked because no one gave a shit about racquetball. 1.00

03:20:41.000 Racquetball is trash, man. 1.00

03:20:42.000 He tried to transfer to tennis. 1.00

03:20:44.000 No!

03:20:45.000 I remember he was trying to transfer to tennis.

03:20:47.000 He was trying to figure out how to get good at tennis because he played racquetball and it just never worked out.

03:20:52.000 No chance.

03:20:53.000 And so he was like teaching people.

03:20:54.000 And I remember thinking very, very...

03:20:56.000 This is one of the reasons why I stopped fighting.

03:20:59.000 Because I remember thinking...

03:21:00.000 Because I was doing something that you couldn't get paid for.

03:21:04.000 There was no money in fighting.

03:21:05.000 I had three kickboxing matches, but they were amateur kickboxing matches.

03:21:09.000 And I got offered a professional fight, but it was like for 500 bucks or something ridiculous like that.

03:21:14.000 I'm like...

03:21:14.000 Oh my god.

03:21:15.000 I'm like, I'm in a dead-end thing.

03:21:17.000 I got really good at something you can't make any money on.

03:21:19.000 That's what I realized.

03:21:20.000 And I remember thinking about this kid when I was 19. Realizing at the time that I was kind of on the same road.

03:21:28.000 I was like, I'm fucked. 0.99

03:21:29.000 Because you can't make any money off of Taekwondo. 1.00

03:21:31.000 And this kid is not making any money.

03:21:33.000 He was like...

03:21:34.000 He looked like a winner, man.

03:21:36.000 I was around this kid.

03:21:37.000 I was like, he's a winner.

03:21:39.000 He has a beautiful head of hair.

03:21:40.000 All the girls loved him.

03:21:42.000 He was like, hi, Matt.

03:21:43.000 He was so handsome.

03:21:43.000 Hi, Matt.

03:21:45.000 He was a winner.

03:21:47.000 He was a world champion at racquetball. 1.00

03:21:49.000 He became a world champion at something that's stupid. 1.00

03:21:52.000 I remember thinking about that, going, oh, you could get fucked. 1.00

03:21:55.000 You could get really good at something where there's no endgame. 0.99

03:22:00.000 There's no windfall.

03:22:01.000 It's interesting that you made that It's an observation at that age, but also it's interesting when you talk about this podcast, how when you started it, it was like, where is this going to go?

03:22:13.000 I like doing this, I'm not going to think about the endgame.

03:22:16.000 Well, I wasn't desperate when I started this podcast.

03:22:19.000 When I started the podcast, I was already doing UFC commentary and doing stand-up.

03:22:24.000 I was making plenty of money.

03:22:25.000 So this was a bonus?

03:22:26.000 It was just for fun.

03:22:27.000 And it was a good excuse to get together with my comedian friends and just have a good time.

03:22:32.000 But when I was 19, I was scared.

03:22:34.000 I didn't have any money.

03:22:36.000 I was trying to scratch by and make a living and pay my rent and all that stuff.

03:22:40.000 And I was like, huh.

03:22:42.000 I'm good at Taekwondo.

03:22:43.000 I was like, this is not good.

03:22:44.000 I'm doing something that... 0.99

03:22:46.000 And then once I moved out of my parents' house, it was around the same time I moved out of my parents' house, I remember thinking, like, fuck. 0.99

03:22:53.000 And I was teaching, too. 0.98

03:22:54.000 I was teaching at Boston University.

03:22:56.000 I had my own school.

03:22:57.000 And I was eking by.

03:22:59.000 But I was like, this is...

03:23:01.000 I am in trouble.

03:23:03.000 And then when I found comedy, I was like, oh...

03:23:07.000 Now I'm going to be really poor.

03:23:09.000 But no, I was like, this I can make a living at.

03:23:11.000 I knew guys in Boston that made a living.

03:23:14.000 It wasn't that I was going to be...

03:23:15.000 Greg Fitzsimmons and I started out together, literally one week apart from each other, and Chris McGuire.

03:23:20.000 We all started out in the same group.

03:23:21.000 And I remember thinking at the time, all we wanted to do was make a living.

03:23:27.000 We looked at the local pros, like the Steve Sweeney's and the Don Gavins, who made a living.

03:23:32.000 And that was the dream, like one day.

03:23:35.000 To be able to make a living doing stand-up.

03:23:35.000 Yeah.

03:23:37.000 There was never a thought of getting rich, but at least I thought I could make a living.

03:23:43.000 Because I remember that racquetball champion. 0.99

03:23:45.000 That guy was fucked. 0.99

03:23:46.000 I'm surprised that he was so good, because you normally play racquetball against an older man who looks completely out of shape, looks like he plays the billiards, and he'll fucking smoke you. 1.00

03:23:58.000 Because he knows the kill shot, which is that front angle. 0.89

03:24:01.000 And I would always play these guys, but I'm fit, so I could run around, but I don't know how to play racquetball. 0.99

03:24:08.000 I just hit it against the wall, and these fucking big fat guys would come in with their goggles, and they'd just crush me. 0.98

03:24:13.000 There was a little bit of that, too. 0.99

03:24:15.000 Yeah, there was a little bit of that.

03:24:18.000 I remember coaching tennis at University of Michigan, and I was making $27,000 a year, okay?

03:24:23.000 And I was going to get a $3,000 bonus if I did camps, which camps were like three weeks in July, 16 hours a day sucked, but I did it.

03:24:34.000 So I made like $30,000 coaching tennis.

03:24:35.000 And I remember thinking...

03:24:38.000 If I leave now, I can probably make $20,000 doing comedy.

03:24:43.000 I was wrong.

03:24:43.000 First year you probably made like $4,000.

03:24:46.000 But it motivated me that I was already poor.

03:24:49.000 And I was like, you know, I'm not like real poor, but $30,000 a year poor is not great.

03:24:53.000 So I was saying, I can switch professions now and probably get close to this.

03:24:57.000 How old were you when you started?

03:24:58.000 I started when I was 24. That's a good time.

03:25:01.000 That was a good time.

03:25:02.000 I started at 21. Okay.

03:25:03.000 Once you get like 37, it gets sketchy.

03:25:06.000 Yeah.

03:25:06.000 Like, Jesus Christ.

03:25:07.000 Like, what happened to your fucking life? 1.00

03:25:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:25:09.000 But you have enough life perspective.

03:25:11.000 Maybe you can pull it off if you're disciplined.

03:25:14.000 Yeah.

03:25:14.000 But, I mean, I felt like at 24, I was still hungry enough to push, but I... Yeah, I mean, some of these guys, they get married and their wife doesn't even know them as a comic, and then they try.

03:25:25.000 It's like, you can't do it, man.

03:25:28.000 That's ugly.

03:25:28.000 Or when you have a kid, you're married, and you have kids, and you have a full-time job, and you tell your wife, look, I'm thinking about going on the road.

03:25:34.000 She's like, what are you talking about?

03:25:36.000 We need money.

03:25:37.000 We need to keep a roof over our head.

03:25:39.000 You coach Tommy's baseball team.

03:25:41.000 When you're young and poor, it's okay.

03:25:44.000 That's the time to take those chances and take those risks.

03:25:47.000 That's what I kind of knew when I was 19. I saw that racquetball player.

03:25:50.000 Fucking racquetball play really affected you, man. 0.99

03:25:52.000 That's interesting. 1.00

03:25:52.000 It did. 1.00

03:25:53.000 Because he was such a winner.

03:25:54.000 He was such a winner.

03:25:55.000 He could have been a winner at anything.

03:25:56.000 Right.

03:25:56.000 And I knew that.

03:25:57.000 I knew winners.

03:25:57.000 Right.

03:25:59.000 You know, when I was around this guy.

03:26:00.000 Yeah.

03:26:01.000 And I was already kind of a winner at Taekwondo.

03:26:03.000 I'd already won the US Open by then. 1.00

03:26:05.000 Fuck. 0.99

03:26:05.000 So I was sitting around looking at this guy. 0.99

03:26:07.000 I was thinking... 1.00

03:26:10.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:26:11.000 This guy, he's not going anywhere. 1.00

03:26:13.000 He's stuck here.

03:26:14.000 You're a U.S. champ, but... 1.00

03:26:16.000 Yeah, I was fucked. 0.99

03:26:18.000 I was working at a Boston Athletic Club, teaching people how to lift weights. 0.99

03:26:21.000 I met Bobby Orr, though.

03:26:23.000 I used to help Bobby Orr get on the VersaClimber.

03:26:23.000 I met Bobby Orr there.

03:26:26.000 Bobby Orr, that's the other thing I realized, too.

03:26:29.000 This was before I had hurt my knee.

03:26:31.000 I hurt my knee when I was 21. I realized when he was getting on this machine, I used to have to help him get on the VersaClimber.

03:26:41.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99

03:26:41.000 Because he had had so many knee surgeries. 0.99

03:26:43.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:26:44.000 His legs up and down the sides of both legs were just giant scars. 1.00

03:26:48.000 That's back when they would stitch you up with dental floss and staples.

03:26:52.000 They would just... 0.99

03:26:53.000 Whatever the fuck they could... 0.66

03:26:54.000 Never helmets. 0.98

03:26:54.000 No helmets. 0.98

03:26:55.000 His knees were gone, man.

03:26:57.000 They were gone.

03:26:58.000 I mean, he could barely...

03:26:59.000 He couldn't straighten his legs.

03:27:00.000 Like, his leg went like this to this. 1.00

03:27:02.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:27:03.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:27:03.000 He had this range of motion. 1.00

03:27:05.000 So he always walked with his knees slightly bent, and he kind of like shuffled in.

03:27:08.000 And the versiclimber was this thing?

03:27:10.000 Yeah, that thing.

03:27:10.000 So he would have to get on that thing.

03:27:12.000 Because you could kind of do that a little bit.

03:27:14.000 It was no impact, right?

03:27:15.000 So if you wanted some sort of aerobic activity, and he would play racquetball.

03:27:20.000 And you're talking about one of the greatest hockey players that has ever lived.

03:27:25.000 Yeah.

03:27:25.000 And he would play racquetball, and he would just fall down all the time.

03:27:29.000 But because he couldn't move correctly because his knees were gone.

03:27:33.000 Yeah, there's his knee.

03:27:35.000 What?

03:27:36.000 There's a Twitter account for his knee?

03:27:38.000 Oh, his knee has a Twitter account?

03:27:40.000 Bobby Orr's knee?

03:27:41.000 Yeah.

03:27:42.000 So when I was 19, I knew this guy.

03:27:46.000 What is that knee over in the corner?

03:27:48.000 That's resurfaced knees.

03:27:49.000 Those are artificial knees.

03:27:51.000 What does it say?

03:27:52.000 Bobby Orr back on great...

03:27:54.000 Click on that.

03:27:54.000 What does that say?

03:27:56.000 Bobby Orr back on...

03:27:58.000 Looks back on a great Canadian life.

03:28:01.000 Oh, is that his knees now?

03:28:02.000 He's got artificial knees now.

03:28:04.000 I'm sure he has artificial knees now.

03:28:06.000 Yeah, that's his knees.

03:28:06.000 When I knew him...

03:28:07.000 Look at his knees.

03:28:09.000 When I knew him, his knees were like that.

03:28:11.000 And that was 1986 when I was working at the Boston Athletic Club.

03:28:16.000 That was also how I found out about Sam Kinison.

03:28:20.000 It's a funny story too.

03:28:21.000 Found out that he's a comedian?

03:28:23.000 I didn't know who Sam Kinston was.

03:28:24.000 I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yet.

03:28:26.000 I just liked comedy.

03:28:28.000 But there was a girl who worked there. 1.00

03:28:30.000 There was a girl who worked there at the front desk. 0.95

03:28:31.000 She was hilarious. 0.53

03:28:32.000 She was this big volleyball player. 1.00

03:28:35.000 She was this big athletic girl. 0.64

03:28:37.000 She was really bold and funny.

03:28:39.000 And she was my friend.

03:28:40.000 And I was working in the fitness thing, and she was working at the front desk. 0.98

03:28:45.000 And she was like, oh my god, you have to see this fucking comedian I saw last night on HBO. And she tells me about this guy, and then she does the bit. 0.95

03:28:53.000 You know where Sam Kinison did this bit about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses? 0.97

03:29:01.000 You ever see the bit?

03:29:02.000 I don't know.

03:29:03.000 It's one of the great stand-up bits of all time.

03:29:05.000 It's Kinison's bit.

03:29:06.000 Where Kinison's like, he goes, imagine these guys, they're lying down, they're on the slab, they're like, well, I guess my life's over, and I'm gonna be with Jesus now, and he's like, hey, what is this? 1.00

03:29:17.000 It feels like there's a dick in my ass! 1.00

03:29:19.000 You mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead? 1.00

03:29:22.000 It never ends! 1.00

03:29:23.000 It never ends!

03:29:24.000 Oh, oh! 0.58

03:29:25.000 This girl, on the parking lot, outside... 0.96

03:29:29.000 She does this.

03:29:30.000 This girl lies down on the parking lot and she's killing me. 1.00

03:29:30.000 This is the bit. 1.00

03:29:35.000 I'm crying laughing.

03:29:36.000 And I remember thinking while she's doing this, wow, I gotta see this.

03:29:41.000 And then I got the videotape off of Blockbuster Video or something.

03:29:45.000 That's this bit.

03:29:46.000 It's one of the greatest bits of all time.

03:29:48.000 And you've got to realize, in the time, in 1986, there was nothing like this.

03:29:54.000 Ever!

03:29:56.000 How'd you even get the tape?

03:29:57.000 I got it off of Blockbuster Video, so you could rent it.

03:29:59.000 So it had gone on HBO, and then you'd get it on VHS. And then I remember watching it, and I remember thinking, oh my god, this is comedy too?

03:30:07.000 I didn't know...

03:30:09.000 I thought comedy was like Jerry Seinfeld, you roll the sleeves up, you talk about your socks. 0.99

03:30:13.000 I thought it was something that I enjoyed, but my sense of humor was always very fucked up. 0.98

03:30:19.000 I was a fighter. 0.99

03:30:21.000 I dealt with a lot of psychopaths.

03:30:24.000 My sense of humor was dark.

03:30:26.000 And so when this girl, who, God, I wish I stayed in touch with her.

03:30:30.000 She was so funny.

03:30:31.000 She was just a funny girl. 1.00

03:30:33.000 I forgot her fucking name. 0.99

03:30:34.000 I think it was Kim. 1.00

03:30:36.000 But she was lying down on the... 0.54

03:30:39.000 I'll never forget it.

03:30:40.000 See, first of all, the commitment that she had to lie down on the asphalt.

03:30:45.000 She's like, oh, oh! 1.00

03:30:46.000 You mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you... 1.00

03:30:48.000 And she knew the words, too. 1.00

03:30:50.000 She said it right.

03:30:51.000 But I was crying, laughing, watching her do an impression of Sam Kinison.

03:30:56.000 And that's how I found out about Kinison. 0.93

03:30:58.000 And when you first see comedy done, it feels so dangerous, especially if it's connecting with your sick, demented mind in whatever way. 1.00

03:31:08.000 It just feels like, holy shit, this exists? 0.99

03:31:12.000 Why haven't we all been talking about this all the time? 0.98

03:31:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

03:31:15.000 Well, I knew about Pryor, you know?

03:31:18.000 And I knew there was, like, great comedy.

03:31:20.000 There was not, like, the TV stuff.

03:31:22.000 My parents took me to see Live on the Sunset Strip when I was 15. And I was in the movie theater seeing this.

03:31:27.000 I remember that, too.

03:31:29.000 That was another really important thing.

03:31:30.000 Because I couldn't believe how funny he was just talking.

03:31:33.000 I remember thinking, I can't believe I'd seen all these funny movies, but I'd never seen anything this funny.

03:31:39.000 And all he's doing is talking.

03:31:40.000 There's no special effects.

03:31:42.000 Nothing.

03:31:43.000 Yeah.

03:31:43.000 I know, it's amazing.

03:31:44.000 And I remember looking around in the middle of the movie, and all these people were like, ah!

03:31:48.000 Like, holding on to the chair, holding on to their stomach.

03:31:51.000 And I remember that seed, and then this girl doing the Sam Kinison impression. 0.85

03:31:56.000 That's probably how I got into comedy.

03:31:57.000 But also that dude who was the really handsome racquetball player. 0.99

03:32:01.000 Not being able to make any fucking money. 0.99

03:32:03.000 I knew he was fucked, and I knew he was trying to play tennis. 1.00

03:32:06.000 It's much different. 1.00

03:32:07.000 And I was like, God damn. 0.99

03:32:08.000 But I was afraid, right? 0.99

03:32:09.000 I was a fearful person then.

03:32:11.000 Yeah. 0.94

03:32:12.000 You know, because I was worried about being a loser. 0.96

03:32:14.000 I was really worried about being a loser. 0.96

03:32:16.000 Yeah. 0.51

03:32:16.000 You know, when you're 19, especially in New England, they put a lot of pressure on you to get your act together. 0.51

03:32:21.000 I had already taken a year off of school.

03:32:21.000 Yeah.

03:32:24.000 When I went out of high school, I took a year off before I went to college.

03:32:27.000 So I was in this time in my life where I was really insecure. 0.95

03:32:31.000 And even though I was really good at something, I was really good at something nobody gave a fuck about.

03:32:36.000 Other than people that were into Taekwondo.

03:32:37.000 Yeah.

03:32:39.000 It sounds like you were at a fork, big time.

03:32:41.000 Big time, big time.

03:32:42.000 But you can be at a fork when you're 19 is my point. 1.00

03:32:45.000 That's the time to get your fucking act in order. 0.99

03:32:49.000 That's the time to figure out what you're going to do. 1.00

03:32:51.000 And that girl, lying on her stomach. 0.99

03:32:54.000 If she maybe didn't commit to that, you maybe...

03:32:54.000 That's funny.

03:32:57.000 Who knows?

03:32:58.000 There's so many little steps in your life.

03:32:58.000 Who knows, man?

03:33:00.000 What was the step that led you to decide to do stand-up?

03:33:03.000 To go on stage the first time?

03:33:05.000 Well, I remember you mentioned your parents took you to see Live at Sunset Strip.

03:33:10.000 I mean, that just says a lot about...

03:33:13.000 About your family dynamic in some capacity.

03:33:16.000 My mom took me at 10 or 11 to go see Dennis Miller.

03:33:21.000 Live?

03:33:22.000 Live!

03:33:23.000 At the Power Center in Ann Arbor.

03:33:25.000 I mean, I still don't understand half the words Dennis Miller uses.

03:33:28.000 Today!

03:33:28.000 I mean, he's kind of changed a lot since then.

03:33:31.000 But the confidence, the arrogance, the I'm an expert.

03:33:36.000 Love that.

03:33:37.000 11, 10 years old.

03:33:38.000 I was raised to be...

03:33:40.000 You know, modest, kind, humble. 0.99

03:33:42.000 When I could see that someone could just spread his feathers like that, it just seemed like, whoa, what the fuck? 0.99

03:33:47.000 You can't act like that. 0.99

03:33:51.000 He doesn't get to do what he deserves.

03:33:54.000 Because he's a right-winger now?

03:33:54.000 Right?

03:33:56.000 Is that right?

03:33:58.000 Once 9-11 happened, he went into a panic.

03:34:00.000 He went into a panic?

03:34:01.000 I mean, the Off-White album is just phenomenal.

03:34:04.000 It's phenomenal.

03:34:07.000 His rants, his HBO show.

03:34:08.000 Yeah, I've always been a big fan of his. 0.99

03:34:10.000 But I give my parents credit and my mom credit for taking me to see a fucking stand-up comedy concert. 0.99

03:34:16.000 He was swearing. 0.99

03:34:17.000 And you were 11?

03:34:18.000 I was 10 or 11. I was young.

03:34:20.000 So... 1.00

03:34:21.000 This shit affects kids, right? 1.00

03:34:23.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

03:34:23.000 What you do, what you take them to, what you show them that you're enthusiastic about. 1.00

03:34:27.000 I'm sure my mom didn't probably dig Dennis Miller's act, but she knew that I was into it, and she was there to take me.

03:34:33.000 That's cool.

03:34:33.000 The seeds that get planted.

03:34:35.000 The seeds that get planted.

03:34:36.000 But it was 13 years later before you actually got on stage.

03:34:39.000 For sure, yeah.

03:34:40.000 And I thought it was...

03:34:40.000 Had you always had it in your head?

03:34:42.000 I always wrote little funny ideas down. 1.00

03:34:45.000 Who the fuck does that? 0.99

03:34:47.000 13, 14? 1.00

03:34:48.000 I would journal a lot.

03:34:50.000 I actually need to get back to journaling.

03:34:51.000 It's something I've decided.

03:34:52.000 But I would kind of go through my day in a journal, and then for whatever reason, I would usually write down one instance throughout the day that made me laugh.

03:35:04.000 I don't know why.

03:35:05.000 Maybe because I felt good then, or, you know.

03:35:08.000 So then I... I kind of started having this collection of things that I laughed at.

03:35:15.000 And that tells you so much about your personality and your sense of humor. 0.99

03:35:18.000 Like you say you have a demented, fucked up sense of humor. 0.98

03:35:21.000 There's probably a certain genre of things that make you laugh the hardest. 0.99

03:35:24.000 And same for me.

03:35:25.000 So tennis took over my life and then joke writing became a little bit of a reprieve from the pressures of competition.

03:35:35.000 So if I had a match in a couple hours or I was waiting for a court to be done, I would go sit in the locker room or wherever I was and write jokes that Something so unrelated to tennis just to kind of help me diffuse because I put a lot of pressure on myself to play well. 0.99

03:35:50.000 So eventually, while I was coaching at Michigan, University of Michigan, sorry Jamie, I signed up for an open mic like everybody else and once you do it, you're fucked. 0.95

03:36:02.000 Did you know after you did the first set that you'd wind up doing it? 0.98

03:36:06.000 Yeah, I did.

03:36:06.000 Yeah.

03:36:07.000 My sister was there with me, drunk. 0.99

03:36:10.000 She's now sober, 15 years.

03:36:13.000 I drove her to sobriety, but yeah, I just got off the stage and just, I don't know if it was the same for you, but everything just started to click.

03:36:30.000 Yeah.

03:36:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:36:44.000 Whatever the fuck that was. 0.98

03:36:46.000 And I hate to think that I'm shallow enough that what I really need is external validation, but it might be. 0.99

03:36:52.000 I don't know if it's necessarily just external validation.

03:36:55.000 There's the same challenge that you must have experienced in getting good at tennis and learning how to play, and the challenge of trying to win.

03:37:04.000 There's a challenge in trying to get laughs and trying to figure out how to construct a joke.

03:37:09.000 Yeah.

03:37:10.000 It's problem solving at its most intense.

03:37:14.000 I mean, maybe not most intense, not like war.

03:37:16.000 But the feel of rejection is so strong that it's problem solving with real stakes, in my opinion.

03:37:24.000 And I like that challenge.

03:37:25.000 And also, let's not forget, it's great to make people feel a moment of reprieve.

03:37:32.000 I mean, that is it. 0.99

03:37:34.000 That is fucking it. 0.99

03:37:35.000 And you enjoy it as an audience member as well. 1.00

03:37:38.000 But you were a fan of it.

03:37:38.000 Yes.

03:37:39.000 Yes.

03:37:40.000 So, I mean, some of my favorite times at the store would be to perform and then hang in the back and watch.

03:37:46.000 Yeah. 0.97

03:37:46.000 And every once in a while go, I can't believe I got to just go fucking do that. 0.97

03:37:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

03:37:51.000 While this guy who I love is performing.

03:37:53.000 I just did that too.

03:37:54.000 Yeah.

03:37:55.000 So, I had gotten away from being a fan a little bit.

03:37:58.000 I don't know if it was just industry and just...

03:38:01.000 I don't know, but I'm kind of back to it now, and it's nice.

03:38:04.000 I like it better.

03:38:05.000 Just enjoying comedy. 0.99

03:38:06.000 Just, Michael, shut the fuck up and watch this and laugh. 1.00

03:38:09.000 As an audience member. 1.00

03:38:10.000 As an audience member.

03:38:11.000 It also benefited me.

03:38:13.000 I remember when I was, like, early days, in my early 20s, like 21, 22, when I was starting out, there was a time where I was very jealous of people who were doing well, and I was hoping people did badly.

03:38:26.000 Like, I was working with other people, I was like, oh, I hope he bombs. 0.98

03:38:29.000 And then I realized, like, oh my god, what a bitch way to think. 1.00

03:38:33.000 And then I realized that I had not taken the same principles that I had applied to martial arts, and I had not applied them to comedy. 0.97

03:38:42.000 I had thought this was a totally different thing, and I had allowed my weaker instincts to take over.

03:38:49.000 And then I remember being very embarrassed with myself.

03:38:52.000 Yeah.

03:38:52.000 I'd say, okay, that's a very weak way to think.

03:38:55.000 And you should think about this the same way you think about martial arts, where you should always look at the people that are good as inspirational.

03:39:02.000 Yeah.

03:39:03.000 And so did you execute that change just through willpower?

03:39:06.000 Yeah, really quickly.

03:39:07.000 Really quick change.

03:39:09.000 It was very quick.

03:39:10.000 And then I became a fan again of comedy.

03:39:12.000 And I also realized that the way to get good is to have a bunch of other people around you that are also Trying to get good.

03:39:21.000 And really, the funniest people, surround yourself with them and work together.

03:39:25.000 And then go on the road together.

03:39:27.000 Don't take bad comics on the road with you.

03:39:30.000 Go on the road with the best people you can.

03:39:32.000 Oh, it's the worst. 0.98

03:39:33.000 It's like, do you have no fucking confidence in yourself that you're going to bring this shitty opener with you? 0.98

03:39:37.000 It's weird. 1.00

03:39:38.000 Bring somebody who makes you go, oh, I better get on my shit right now. 0.88

03:39:42.000 It's weird when you see good comics do that. 0.97

03:39:42.000 Exactly. 0.97

03:39:45.000 It says something about them.

03:39:46.000 Yeah.

03:39:47.000 It's not good.

03:39:48.000 There's a website called Steve G. Tennis.

03:39:51.000 It's this guy named Steve G., duh, who compiles the world's tennis results at every level, okay?

03:40:00.000 And...

03:40:01.000 As a minor league pro tennis player, I would lose.

03:40:05.000 You always lose.

03:40:06.000 And you could go on Steve G and just look at everyone's results. 0.99

03:40:10.000 And you start to fucking go mad.

03:40:12.000 You start to go like, that guy's not that good, but he won the tournament. 0.98

03:40:15.000 This guy's won. 0.99

03:40:16.000 Oh my God, he just won fucking Vancouver. 1.00

03:40:18.000 And it would drive me mad, right? 0.99

03:40:21.000 Well, why am I doing this to myself?

03:40:22.000 And it's exactly what you just said.

03:40:24.000 I found myself at times in comedy checking Steve G. Tennis Of comedy. 0.99

03:40:30.000 That guy's not fucking funny. 1.00

03:40:31.000 What the fuck's he doing? 1.00

03:40:32.000 Why does he have a billboard? 0.99

03:40:33.000 And that's what's so crazy about comedy.

03:40:36.000 Some of these guys that you're competitive with, you drive by their billboard.

03:40:40.000 What other profession is that the case?

03:40:43.000 If you're trying to be the number one salesman of your team and then like...

03:40:47.000 So I had to kind of mature a little bit with that, too, and go, hey, man, see it as inspiration, or you don't even have to see it at all.

03:40:55.000 And just focus on your process.

03:40:57.000 Yes.

03:40:58.000 Focus on what you enjoy.

03:40:59.000 You should use it as fuel.

03:41:00.000 Yeah.

03:41:00.000 And also, you've got to realize that their success does not ever equal your failure.

03:41:05.000 It has no impact on you.

03:41:07.000 Yeah, correct.

03:41:08.000 They're a completely different human being.

03:41:09.000 Correct.

03:41:10.000 But there was a famine mentality in comedy for a long time because there was only like four networks, right?

03:41:16.000 Yeah, that was it. 0.99

03:41:16.000 And if you got a sitcom and I didn't like, fuck, Costa got it? 0.99

03:41:20.000 Shit, I could have got that. 1.00

03:41:21.000 I could have been living like a king. 1.00

03:41:23.000 Now he is.

03:41:24.000 And that's how a lot of people thought.

03:41:26.000 And so comics were very backstabby with each other.

03:41:28.000 Yeah.

03:41:29.000 And I don't think it was until the internet came around until like YouTube and podcasts and they realized that this is bounty of opportunity.

03:41:37.000 Yeah.

03:41:38.000 And then comics realized like, oh, you know what's the best thing is actually we hang around with each other and we get each other on each other's shows.

03:41:44.000 And then everybody does well.

03:41:44.000 Yeah.

03:41:45.000 Yeah.

03:41:46.000 That's...

03:41:47.000 Definitely the right way to be.

03:41:48.000 It takes some maturity to do that.

03:41:50.000 But if you're podcasting, and you're hosting a show, and you're writing a show, and everyone's this?

03:41:56.000 Well, that's one of the things you see now with comedy Twitter.

03:41:56.000 Yeah.

03:41:59.000 The most bitter of all people.

03:42:02.000 Where you see these angry, bitter people.

03:42:04.000 One thing they have in common, they're all mediocre, and they're not doing well.

03:42:08.000 And they're angry and frustrated, and it's so transparent, and they can't see it.

03:42:13.000 And they think that somehow by being mean to people that are being successful, or mean to this girl, or mean to this guy, that they're going to somehow or another stop This thing that's happening that's good for them and stop the bad feeling that they have,

03:42:28.000 this disappointment of comparing themselves.

03:42:31.000 It's one thing that these people have all in common, the bitter comedy world of Twitter.

03:42:36.000 They're just...

03:42:38.000 They're just looking at it wrong.

03:42:58.000 It's gone.

03:42:59.000 But as soon as it gets some success, then people come out.

03:43:04.000 But that's okay.

03:43:05.000 I am not doing this to be popular.

03:43:08.000 I'm doing it because I want to make people laugh, and it makes me feel good.

03:43:12.000 And so let me just make my group of people laugh.

03:43:14.000 Well, you can never be popular with everybody.

03:43:16.000 It is not humanly possible.

03:43:19.000 It's not humanly possible.

03:43:20.000 You love that Tenet movie, right, Jamie?

03:43:23.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

03:43:24.000 I was reading all these great reviews, and then I stumbled into this one review, trash, total piece of shit, why this movie's awful, and I'm like, okay, well this is just what I'm saying. 0.99

03:43:36.000 There's always going to be someone that thinks something that's amazing sucks. 0.99

03:43:40.000 You know, like, there's no getting around that.

03:43:43.000 There's certain people that just have this terrible mindset, and they just always look for the worst in things.

03:43:50.000 And I think that's, for whatever reason, well, for sure, that's been exacerbated by the pandemic, by people being forced to being at home, and also just being stuck in front of a screen all the time, and not having the input of other humans and real interactions and hugs and...

03:44:07.000 A lot of people in my life, friends, acquaintances, have experienced really fucked up things during the quarantine.

03:44:19.000 And as I tell this to other people, they all go, yeah, me too. 0.53

03:44:22.000 Divorce.

03:44:23.000 Losing jobs.

03:44:25.000 We need to get out and interact.

03:44:27.000 The screen is not, it's working like 10% as a substitute.

03:44:31.000 That's it.

03:44:32.000 And I'm hoping, yeah, I'm just trying to second what you're saying that sitting in front of a screen all day is just exacerbating our already deep down anxieties and fears.

03:44:45.000 Yeah, I mean, even wearing a mask and being 10 feet away from people only gives you like 30%.

03:44:50.000 Yeah.

03:44:52.000 We gotta be around.

03:44:54.000 We're so social, aren't we?

03:44:54.000 Yeah.

03:44:55.000 Yeah, the socialists.

03:44:57.000 We're so social. 1.00

03:45:00.000 You go to a fucking zoo, you look at the monkeys, they're fucking like sleeping and hugging and they're so close. 1.00

03:45:07.000 They sleep like so close. 1.00

03:45:08.000 I remember being like, holy fuck, yeah. 1.00

03:45:10.000 Yeah, the mental health implications of this, the impact of it, it's going to be fucking with people for years. 1.00

03:45:17.000 You think? 0.99

03:45:18.000 Yeah.

03:45:18.000 Yeah, I think there's a lot of people that got real low during this pandemic.

03:45:21.000 It's going to be a long road back for them. 1.00

03:45:24.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:45:24.000 Yeah, not good. 1.00

03:45:26.000 And especially people that are more inclined to be depressed.

03:45:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:45:33.000 I've just been telling people what you're feeling is exacerbated right now.

03:45:37.000 It's bigger than what it is.

03:45:43.000 I hope that we're not doing long-term damage, but I don't know how I could even know the answer to that.

03:45:49.000 Well, I'm hoping we come out of it like the Roaring Twenties.

03:45:52.000 You know, the Roaring Twenties, that's what they came out of the pandemic of the Spanish flu, and then they went wild. 0.98

03:45:56.000 They went crazy and fucked the world war. 0.99

03:45:59.000 Like wild animals. 1.00

03:46:00.000 All right.

03:46:01.000 Dude, we're at three hours and 45 minutes. 0.98

03:46:04.000 Are you fucking serious? 0.99

03:46:05.000 Oh, you have a fucking stand-up special. 1.00

03:46:06.000 We didn't even promote it. 0.99

03:46:08.000 How did you film this?

03:46:10.000 I filmed it before the pandemic.

03:46:11.000 How did you do that?

03:46:12.000 That was a year ago.

03:46:13.000 Yeah.

03:46:13.000 I saw you at the LA version of this.

03:46:18.000 I don't know if you remember this.

03:46:19.000 I had...

03:46:21.000 I had fucked up the booking, and I needed to do some pickups, and you had an L.A. improv show on a Saturday late night, and I shot early, and I messaged you on Twitter or whatever, and you were like, dude, come down, do the thing.

03:46:36.000 So that was very nice.

03:46:37.000 Oh, that's right.

03:46:37.000 Yeah, I forgot about that.

03:46:38.000 That's then? 0.99

03:46:39.000 Holy shit. 1.00

03:46:39.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

03:46:40.000 So it's...

03:46:41.000 When was that?

03:46:42.000 It was a year ago.

03:46:43.000 It was December.

03:46:43.000 It was a year ago.

03:46:44.000 Wow!

03:46:45.000 I shot in Detroit, New York, and LA. That's what it's titled, and it's three sets around the country.

03:46:49.000 Well, that's one thing that's really cool, because you were in Dead Punch back then.

03:46:52.000 You were doing a lot of stand-up.

03:46:53.000 Dead Punch.

03:46:54.000 I like that.

03:46:54.000 Yeah, that's a pool term.

03:46:57.000 I know.

03:46:58.000 You mentioned it earlier.

03:47:00.000 There's a lot of people that are doing these specials and they're weird.

03:47:04.000 A few people have done socially distanced specials.

03:47:07.000 Save the material, kids.

03:47:09.000 Hang on.

03:47:13.000 People have been responding to this special with some nice, like, hey, it felt really good to go to a comedy club again.

03:47:20.000 So that's cool.

03:47:21.000 Look, is that anything I expected when we shot it?

03:47:23.000 Of course not.

03:47:24.000 Did you film it at the Improv?

03:47:26.000 I filmed it at the Improv, the New York Comedy Club in the East Village, and a gem theater in Detroit.

03:47:32.000 And we bounce around those three.

03:47:33.000 Oh, nice.

03:47:34.000 When I'm in L.A., I make fun of L.A. When I'm in New York, I make fun of New York.

03:47:38.000 And then when I'm in Michigan, I make fun of the coast.

03:47:40.000 Beautiful.

03:47:41.000 Yeah, it's really fun.

03:47:42.000 So I appreciate you having me on.

03:47:43.000 My pleasure, brother.

03:47:44.000 Listen, it was great seeing you.

03:47:45.000 Great spending some time with you.

03:47:46.000 I really, really enjoyed it.

03:47:48.000 Thanks.

03:47:48.000 Thanks, Joe.

03:47:49.000 All right.

03:47:49.000 So tell people how they can see it.

03:47:51.000 What is it available?

03:47:52.000 If you just go to michaelkosta.com, I have a redirect there, or it's on Comedy Central, On Demand, and their website.

03:48:00.000 Bang.

03:48:01.000 We got it.

03:48:02.000 Yay.

03:48:03.000 One take.

03:48:04.000 Thanks.

03:48:04.000 Michael Kosta, ladies and gentlemen.

03:48:05.000 See ya!

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 28, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1585 - Michael Kosta

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript