The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1586 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:02.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:18.000 He is one of the hottest up-and-coming stand-up comics in the world.

00:00:22.000 You might know him from the Kill Tony podcast or numerous other things.

00:00:26.000 Please welcome Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:00:28.000 Yeah!

00:00:29.000 That's my attempt at an intro.

00:00:30.000 I'm going to do that for every episode.

00:00:32.000 Just introduce the people while they're right there so they have to look at me.

00:00:35.000 Make a weird, uncomfortable moment.

00:00:37.000 You can do the radio voice and I just leave the logo on.

00:00:39.000 Hey, I can.

00:00:40.000 Very nice.

00:00:41.000 All right.

00:00:43.000 Ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:44.000 Yes.

00:00:45.000 Radio voice.

00:00:47.000 Do you guys have sound in your headphones?

00:00:48.000 You don't hear anything?

00:00:50.000 Not really.

00:00:50.000 Oh, crank the volume up.

00:00:52.000 See the volume?

00:00:53.000 Two, two, two, two, two.

00:00:54.000 Okay, there it is.

00:00:55.000 Yeah, there was some weird crackling, so we had to...

00:00:58.000 Jamie has to monkey with some things.

00:01:01.000 Make it happen.

00:01:03.000 Hey, buddy.

00:01:04.000 How you doing?

00:01:04.000 Hey, good to be here.

00:01:05.000 Welcome to Texas.

00:01:05.000 You're here.

00:01:06.000 Dude, we need to have a celebratory adult beverage. 0.98

00:01:08.000 Okay. 0.92

00:01:10.000 You said okay like you're about to get punched in the arm. 0.54

00:01:13.000 Texas whiskey.

00:01:14.000 Here we go again.

00:01:16.000 Come on, bro.

00:01:16.000 You live here now.

00:01:18.000 It's very exciting.

00:01:19.000 Amazing transition.

00:01:21.000 Dude, it's begun.

00:01:23.000 Salute.

00:01:23.000 Here we go.

00:01:26.000 Woo! 0.99

00:01:27.000 So many things are happening, ladies and gentlemen, that we can't totally talk about yet.

00:01:31.000 But things are moving.

00:01:33.000 We got pieces in play.

00:01:36.000 We got a lot of stuff happening for stand-up comedy here in Austin, Texas.

00:01:39.000 It's on the way, kids!

00:01:42.000 Woo! 0.99

00:01:44.000 Very exciting stuff.

00:01:45.000 So exciting.

00:01:46.000 Yeah, so Tim Dillon, he's in.

00:01:50.000 You're in.

00:01:51.000 Segura's in.

00:01:53.000 Segura, poor Segura. 1.00

00:01:54.000 Did you see Segura broke his fucking arm? 0.99

00:01:55.000 Yeah, what happened? 1.00

00:01:56.000 And blew his knee out.

00:01:57.000 I don't even get it.

00:01:58.000 Dunking.

00:01:59.000 Him and Burt were playing basketball, getting real competitive, and he was dunking.

00:02:03.000 Blew his patella tendon out, which is the huge tendon in the front of your knee that connects your kneecap.

00:02:08.000 And then, on his way down, fell and snapped his arm in half.

00:02:11.000 It's crazy that that would happen.

00:02:13.000 Obese guys dunking basketballs. 0.80

00:02:16.000 How dare you? 0.91

00:02:17.000 How dare you?

00:02:18.000 I mean, look at how swollen. 0.99

00:02:20.000 That's just not even swollen.

00:02:21.000 That's just fat above his elbow there.

00:02:23.000 So rude.

00:02:25.000 So, so rude.

00:02:26.000 I mean, these guys are huge.

00:02:27.000 Look at that arm. 1.00

00:02:29.000 That arm is fucked up. 0.99

00:02:30.000 That is a giant scar. 0.99

00:02:31.000 That is an entire length from his elbow all the way to his shoulder. 0.98

00:02:35.000 So they open you up like a fish, and then they have to put plates and shit in there and screws. 0.99

00:02:41.000 Yikes. 1.00

00:02:42.000 Crazy.

00:02:43.000 This is why I don't do any of that physical stuff.

00:02:46.000 Stick to golf.

00:02:48.000 Well, that was the last straw for you.

00:02:49.000 They closed golf in LA. Gone.

00:02:51.000 How'd they close golf?

00:02:52.000 I know.

00:02:53.000 How can they close golf?

00:02:53.000 That makes zero sense.

00:02:55.000 There's no way anybody's caught it out there.

00:02:56.000 It's impossible.

00:02:57.000 You're outside.

00:02:58.000 You're not anywhere near anybody.

00:03:00.000 Yep.

00:03:01.000 You literally, they're over way the fuck over there.

00:03:04.000 Even the people that you play with.

00:03:06.000 Those people, naturally, you're going to be at least 10 feet away from them the whole time.

00:03:10.000 There's other solutions that aren't going to cripple the economy, too. 0.98

00:03:13.000 Like, these goddamn rapid tests are available. 0.98

00:03:16.000 They're available. 0.99

00:03:17.000 Tonight, at the show that you and I are doing with Chappelle and Donnell Rawlings, they're going to test everyone in the whole audience. 0.99

00:03:25.000 That's 300 fucking people. 0.99

00:03:27.000 You're telling me you can't do that at a golf course? 1.00

00:03:29.000 How come we did it here?

00:03:30.000 How come we just did it here?

00:03:31.000 We did it with the security guys.

00:03:32.000 We did it with everybody.

00:03:34.000 Except Jamie.

00:03:34.000 Well, Jamie even did it.

00:03:36.000 Jamie found out he's got the nice anti-bodies.

00:03:39.000 Nice. 0.99

00:03:40.000 You can spit in Jamie's mouth. 0.96

00:03:41.000 He ain't gonna catch it.

00:03:42.000 Really?

00:03:43.000 Let's try it.

00:03:44.000 Ha ha ha ha ha! 0.99

00:03:45.000 The way he said that sounded so gay. 0.96

00:03:48.000 That's the way I sounded. 0.85

00:03:50.000 All the time with everything.

00:03:52.000 But it was like, really, let's try it.

00:03:54.000 It was like the beginning of a porno. 0.78

00:03:56.000 No hesitation.

00:03:57.000 So, yeah, I mean, I don't understand their strategy.

00:04:02.000 I don't understand why they think this is okay to do.

00:04:05.000 I don't get it.

00:04:06.000 I really don't.

00:04:08.000 There's a difference in the mentality there.

00:04:30.000 It's not good.

00:04:31.000 It's not good.

00:04:33.000 But if you're young and you're healthy and you take care of yourself, and then the deaths are much lower than they've been before because they know how to treat it better.

00:04:40.000 The treatments are available.

00:04:41.000 They're better.

00:04:42.000 I just don't think it's something I want to catch.

00:04:46.000 I don't think it's something that you should catch.

00:04:47.000 It's not good.

00:04:48.000 I think you should take precautions.

00:04:50.000 But you can do that and still open up businesses, and you've got to give people the opportunity to do what they want to do.

00:04:55.000 You've got to give people the chance to make up their own mind, make up their own decisions, and for whatever reason, LA does not want to do that.

00:05:03.000 100%.

00:05:03.000 It's so shocking what's going on there.

00:05:07.000 And, you know, from some of my own research, which is crazy that I'm the one researching it, yeah.

00:05:13.000 You're doing science?

00:05:14.000 A little bit.

00:05:15.000 I get stoned and go to the CDC website and look into these things.

00:05:20.000 And one of the main things is that it's not even hitting the areas that are completely closed.

00:05:26.000 LA County is so spread, they're closing the whole thing.

00:05:28.000 But so many of the cases are coming east of...

00:05:32.000 Downtown and east of where we work and live so often.

00:05:40.000 And 70-80% of the cases in LA are Latino people.

00:05:44.000 And nobody's talking about it.

00:05:46.000 And no one's talking directly to them about...

00:05:51.000 I just typed in LA County and this was just popping up.

00:05:54.000 In alarming shift, Latinos getting coronavirus at more than double the rate of whites in LA County.

00:05:59.000 By the way, thank you, KTLA, for not saying Latinx people. 0.99

00:06:04.000 Do you know who fucking hates Latinx more than anybody? 1.00

00:06:07.000 Latinos. 1.00

00:06:08.000 They do not like that shit. 1.00

00:06:10.000 What is that? 1.00

00:06:11.000 It's some new nonsense woke horse shit where they're trying to non-gender... 1.00

00:06:17.000 Because it's like Latino, Latina. 1.00

00:06:19.000 They're trying to take away gender from Latin people, so they're calling it Latinx.

00:06:25.000 Oh boy.

00:06:27.000 It's a part of the language!

00:06:29.000 It's a part of Spanish!

00:06:30.000 There's a way to say male and female in Spanish.

00:06:33.000 Latina, Latino. 1.00

00:06:35.000 I mean, this is a part of their fucking culture. 1.00

00:06:36.000 And they're trying to erase it with wokeness. 0.99

00:06:41.000 I wonder, I think there's probably a bunch of factors, but some of them is that a lot of Latino folks tend to live with their families.

00:06:49.000 They tend to have a lot of people under one roof.

00:06:52.000 And then on top of that, I would imagine it's a vitamin D thing as well because...

00:06:57.000 Folks with darker skin, just in general, are more protected from sunlight.

00:07:04.000 They're more protected from the dangers of sunlight because of melanin.

00:07:07.000 But because of that, it's more difficult for their body to produce vitamin D. My friend Moshe, when he was a doctor in New York, he said that they would do tests on black folks there, and they would have undetectable levels of vitamin D. He said some of them,

00:07:24.000 like, literally, you couldn't detect the level.

00:07:26.000 It was that low.

00:07:27.000 You know, he's telling these people, like, you have to take vitamin D. It's, like, it's very important because, look, it's fantastic to have dark skin if you live in Africa. 0.99

00:07:35.000 It protects you from, you know, you and I would be fucked. 0.99

00:07:38.000 Right. 1.00

00:07:38.000 Or, you know, what would really be fucked is, like, Santino. 1.00

00:07:41.000 He'd be fucked. 1.00

00:07:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:42.000 He would burst into flames. 1.00

00:07:43.000 I would, I'll tan up.

00:07:44.000 I'll tan up pretty, every single except my vitiligo spots, I'll tan up pretty good.

00:07:48.000 But Santino, like Louis C. Gay, he'll burst right into flames. 0.99

00:07:52.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:07:52.000 Yeah, those guys are fucked. 1.00

00:07:53.000 But, you know, dark folks have no problem with it. 1.00

00:07:57.000 I mean, their body's protected because of the melanin.

00:08:01.000 But that melanin also prevents you from absorbing vitamin D at the same rate. 0.96

00:08:06.000 Like, when you see a really white guy, like from Scotland or something like that, the reason why they're so fucking pale is that over generation after generation, their bodies have evolved to be like a fucking, like a solar panel for vitamin D. Right. 0.99

00:08:19.000 You know, they're just all white. 0.99

00:08:20.000 Yeah.

00:08:21.000 That's what it is.

00:08:22.000 I mean, that's literally why their skin is that color. 0.60

00:08:24.000 It's just a vitamin D thing.

00:08:26.000 Crazy.

00:08:27.000 Yeah.

00:08:28.000 So crazy. 0.97

00:08:29.000 So for Latino folks, you know, tend to be on the darker side. 1.00

00:08:33.000 It's probably like for white folks, it's a real issue, particularly for white folks who don't go outside.

00:08:39.000 But for Latino folks, it's probably a big issue.

00:08:42.000 But it's just funny to me because no one's talking to them directly.

00:08:46.000 When the Governor Newsom gives his briefings and all this, and even that, I feel like that's the first article I've ever seen about anything.

00:08:55.000 And there it is, almost probably recent.

00:08:57.000 But it's been this way the entire time.

00:08:59.000 And also...

00:09:00.000 Those numbers, the percentage of the people that have gotten it in LA, those numbers are also the ones that they know for sure are Latino or Latina or Latinx or whatever.

00:09:12.000 Don't say it!

00:09:13.000 Don't say it!

00:09:14.000 But if you look underneath that, there's a large number of unknown, and those unknowns, my guess...

00:09:22.000 Is mostly Latino and Latina.

00:09:25.000 Because how would you not know what ethnicity they are?

00:09:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:09:29.000 Maybe they don't give that information because they don't want to say or maybe they're illegal.

00:09:35.000 Dude, you really are doing research.

00:09:37.000 Look at you.

00:09:37.000 You're looking for correlating factors.

00:09:40.000 The first month of this thing, I was trying to figure out the cure, man.

00:09:43.000 They're messing with mixing things up.

00:09:46.000 No one's been more desperate than stand-ups looking to get on stage.

00:09:49.000 Ugh.

00:09:49.000 Do you remember when you were starting out, when you were an open-miker, and you'd go to a show, like an open-mic night, and hoping you'd get up, and maybe you couldn't, and you'd see people get up, and some of them would do well, and some of them wouldn't, and you'd be sitting there just dying to get up.

00:10:02.000 Do you remember that feeling?

00:10:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:10:03.000 It's a crazy feeling.

00:10:05.000 Yeah.

00:10:05.000 I never let go of that.

00:10:07.000 Absolutely.

00:10:08.000 Those were, I mean, bicycle trips, and...

00:10:10.000 And bus rides and everything.

00:10:13.000 I mean, those were crazy, crazy days.

00:10:16.000 Sometimes we would wait out.

00:10:18.000 I have very clear memories of me, Jamar, Gerard, all of us waiting out on the sidewalk during the daytime.

00:10:26.000 I mean, the sun beating down on us.

00:10:28.000 We'd have to wait outside of the improv Tuesdays at like 4 p.m.

00:10:32.000 And we would wait two hours.

00:10:34.000 That's how you got on the 6 p.m.

00:10:35.000 open mic, was just by waiting outside.

00:10:39.000 Is Jamar the most shredded stand-up comic ever?

00:10:41.000 Yeah.

00:10:42.000 He might be.

00:10:43.000 And somehow or another he pulls it off.

00:10:45.000 He goes on stage with no shirt on.

00:10:47.000 Just jacked. 0.88

00:10:49.000 Jacked and shredded.

00:10:50.000 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 And accessories go well with him.

00:10:52.000 A giant chain, a mohawk for no reason. 0.95

00:10:54.000 Maybe he glues that mohawk on his head.

00:10:58.000 Isn't he taking an amateur fight?

00:11:00.000 I think so.

00:11:01.000 Yeah.

00:11:02.000 Did he do it already?

00:11:03.000 Do you know?

00:11:03.000 I think so.

00:11:04.000 I don't know what happened, though.

00:11:06.000 I'm not sure.

00:11:07.000 I did a show... 0.98

00:11:07.000 He looks like he fucked some people up. 0.98

00:11:09.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:11:10.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:11:11.000 I did a show in his living room.

00:11:13.000 No!

00:11:13.000 Yeah, he started doing a living room show.

00:11:16.000 I mean, you want to talk about the shadiest super spreader thing that I've done during this whole time.

00:11:22.000 He asked me, and you know, we've been friends for, what, 13 years, and he never asks for anything, but he wanted me to do this show.

00:11:29.000 I agreed to it.

00:11:30.000 It was one of those ones where I forgot that I had it.

00:11:32.000 He's like, hey, you still coming?

00:11:33.000 I'm like, am I placed it in the afternoon?

00:11:35.000 I'm like, yeah, man, I sent the address.

00:11:37.000 What time is this?

00:11:38.000 It was like an afternoon thing.

00:11:40.000 It was like 4 to 6 or something.

00:11:42.000 How many people were in the audience?

00:11:43.000 He's got one coming up.

00:11:44.000 I'm not going to put it online because it's got his address on it.

00:11:46.000 Oh, okay.

00:11:47.000 Apartment show jammers.

00:11:48.000 He put that on Instagram?

00:11:50.000 Yeah.

00:11:50.000 Oh, well, put his Instagram.

00:11:51.000 This is dumb motherfuckers crazy enough to put his Instagram online. 1.00

00:11:57.000 Don't show everybody his address. 1.00

00:12:00.000 He's got a pretty legit line up there.

00:12:03.000 Okay, we're going to have to hide it because this will be a disaster, Jamar.

00:12:08.000 I mean, in his apartment, by the way.

00:12:09.000 This already happened.

00:12:11.000 This was last weekend.

00:12:12.000 Well, it doesn't matter.

00:12:12.000 People are going to be banging on the door.

00:12:14.000 When's the next show, man?

00:12:17.000 I can't even read his handwriting.

00:12:19.000 You can read that?

00:12:20.000 No.

00:12:20.000 How do you read that?

00:12:22.000 That is the worst lineup sheet I've ever seen.

00:12:26.000 First of all, he writes like he's an English scholar from the 1400s.

00:12:31.000 Like, look at his handwriting!

00:12:33.000 He's writing with long cursives, like the J's and the H's, they all dip real low.

00:12:39.000 I was looking for a picture, but the rest of it, he just put up art.

00:12:42.000 I don't know if he makes it all or not.

00:12:43.000 There's a picture of him.

00:12:45.000 Right there.

00:12:45.000 Oh, you want a picture of him shirtless?

00:12:46.000 Well, with the shirt or the mohawk or something.

00:12:49.000 There's one.

00:12:50.000 Bam! 0.98

00:12:50.000 Look at him. 0.98

00:12:51.000 Shredded. 0.96

00:12:51.000 There he is. 0.96

00:12:52.000 I mean, that's the gayest hat of all time. 1.00

00:12:55.000 Did that look? 0.95

00:12:55.000 Not on him, though. 0.95

00:12:56.000 Yeah.

00:12:57.000 On anybody else?

00:12:57.000 On me, for sure.

00:13:03.000 Look, he's fucking that dude's mouth. 1.00

00:13:05.000 He grabbed that giant head and he's fucking his mouth. 1.00

00:13:08.000 But it was so much fun. 1.00

00:13:10.000 I ended up just roasting his tiny little apartment.

00:13:12.000 I mean, there's people sitting on his bed against the wall facing you, sitting on the couch, sitting against the walls.

00:13:17.000 How many people are in the room?

00:13:18.000 My guess is 20, 25 in this tiny room.

00:13:21.000 Hey, that's a good set.

00:13:22.000 That's a good set in the OR. There's something about...

00:13:26.000 There it is, the apartment show.

00:13:27.000 That's hilarious.

00:13:28.000 Look at the people just crammed together in the corners.

00:13:31.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:13:31.000 Imagine the fucking people that are his neighbors going, what is Jamar doing? 0.99

00:13:36.000 What is this? 1.00

00:13:37.000 Yeah.

00:13:37.000 That is hilarious.

00:13:39.000 That is a fucking hilarious show. 0.99

00:13:40.000 That was one of the things I said. 0.99

00:13:41.000 I said, uh, for a guy with the last name Neighbors, he sure is bad at being one.

00:13:46.000 Ha ha [...

00:13:53.000 That's hilarious.

00:13:54.000 He kept going, because he was sitting next to me when I was doing it, and I just kept making fun of him, making fun of his place, making fun of him.

00:14:00.000 And he goes, get off me, man, get off me.

00:14:02.000 I go, get off you? 0.99

00:14:03.000 What am I, an overweight white chick? 1.00

00:14:11.000 So much fun.

00:14:12.000 There's those bonds, man, that you have with people like that, especially people like that, that you remember being in line with, that you know didn't have a car for years.

00:14:24.000 Where's Jarrod at?

00:14:25.000 Where's he been?

00:14:26.000 I haven't seen him in forever.

00:14:27.000 He kind of stopped doing stand-up pre-pandemic.

00:14:31.000 He came on the show when he did that special.

00:14:33.000 He produced that special for Drew...

00:14:35.000 What is his name?

00:14:37.000 Michael?

00:14:38.000 Yeah.

00:14:39.000 I think?

00:14:40.000 Drew Lynch?

00:14:41.000 Drew Michael.

00:14:43.000 The one that he did on HBO with no audience at all, which is a very odd choice.

00:14:48.000 But when I talked to him, he said he hadn't done stand-up in a year.

00:14:51.000 And I was like, I don't know, that seems crazy to me, like, for a guy who's that good.

00:14:55.000 Yeah.

00:14:56.000 Wild.

00:14:57.000 Yeah.

00:14:58.000 He was one of the guys that pushed all of us, you know, him and Angelo Bowers, who was killed in a car accident.

00:15:03.000 Yeah.

00:15:03.000 A couple years into our careers.

00:15:07.000 But those two guys, and I'm sure you had this probably when you started, it's like, those were the two guys that Would kill the next day with new stuff that they didn't have the day before.

00:15:19.000 We all knew what each other was writing and working on and everything because we were all so different.

00:15:24.000 And we would see each other because we were stuck performing in front of each other.

00:15:27.000 That's how it starts.

00:15:29.000 And he was so, so brilliant.

00:15:33.000 It's interesting that, you know, I don't know, these guys like getting into other things.

00:15:38.000 I just can't imagine it.

00:15:40.000 Well, sometimes the thing that makes them brilliant is they're brilliant because they have amazing amounts of enthusiasm about something that's new.

00:15:49.000 And so then that something that's new is not new anymore.

00:15:53.000 Then it's something they've become accustomed to.

00:15:55.000 Stand-up comedy is a weird art form.

00:15:59.000 You really don't get good for like 10 years.

00:16:02.000 10 years in is when you really start getting good.

00:16:05.000 I mean, you can be funny, like, two years in, three years in.

00:16:08.000 You can be funny.

00:16:09.000 But, I mean, to have a real, like, crafted set, a solid set... 0.98

00:16:15.000 It takes a long fucking time. 0.90

00:16:16.000 And some people don't enjoy the grind of it, and then they'll do other things. 0.99

00:16:23.000 Gerard's very talented, very smart.

00:16:25.000 He can do a lot of different things if he chooses to.

00:16:27.000 So I think he probably got interested in other things.

00:16:31.000 I know he's doing television and film, and he's just...

00:16:35.000 Probably just interested in different ways to express creativity.

00:16:38.000 Some people don't like one way.

00:16:42.000 They'll just start painting.

00:16:43.000 I don't want to do this anymore.

00:16:44.000 I want to play music. 0.98

00:16:45.000 I want to fucking make sculpture. 0.99

00:16:49.000 There's a purity in that, right? 0.98

00:16:52.000 You don't just want to do what's getting you the most attention or what's getting you the most positive reinforcement.

00:16:59.000 You really want to do what you feel like doing.

00:17:02.000 That's like real artistic expression.

00:17:04.000 But most of us, when you find something that you start getting some success at, especially something like stand-up comedy that's so difficult to get good at, that once you start getting good at it, you just say, this is what I do.

00:17:16.000 I'm just going to keep doing this.

00:17:18.000 Like, I don't draw at all anymore, you know?

00:17:21.000 And I used to draw all the time.

00:17:24.000 I very rarely draw.

00:17:26.000 But when I was a kid, it was my life.

00:17:28.000 Like, I was always drawing.

00:17:30.000 You know, I don't have other real artistic expressions.

00:17:34.000 Right.

00:17:35.000 You know, just stand up and that's it.

00:17:37.000 Yeah.

00:17:39.000 But for a guy like Gerard, maybe not good enough.

00:17:42.000 Huh.

00:17:43.000 Like Bobcat Goldthwait started directing movies.

00:17:46.000 Yeah.

00:17:46.000 Do you ever see Willow Creek?

00:17:47.000 No.

00:17:48.000 Dude.

00:17:49.000 Willow Creek is probably the best Bigfoot movie ever made.

00:17:52.000 Wow.

00:17:53.000 And it's a Bobcat Goldthwait movie.

00:17:54.000 You know what else he directed?

00:17:55.000 My favorite comedy movie of all time, Windy City Heat.

00:17:59.000 Oh, did he direct that?

00:18:00.000 Yeah.

00:18:01.000 You know what else he directed?

00:18:02.000 And he stars in it. 0.82

00:18:03.000 Shakes the Clown, the alcoholic clown movie.

00:18:05.000 Or he starred in it.

00:18:06.000 Did he direct it?

00:18:07.000 I'm not sure if he directed it.

00:18:10.000 He's a guy that had an interesting career.

00:18:13.000 Because he started out as a character.

00:18:15.000 Almost like Emo Phillips-esque.

00:18:18.000 Different than Emo Phillips, but Emo is this guy.

00:18:22.000 And Bobcat was this guy.

00:18:24.000 I remember it very clearly when I was a kid.

00:18:27.000 So weird.

00:18:29.000 So much energy.

00:18:30.000 But did he direct it?

00:18:32.000 He did. 1.00

00:18:34.000 It's a wild fucking movie, man. 1.00

00:18:36.000 That's a wild movie. 1.00

00:18:37.000 Shake the Clown. 1.00

00:18:37.000 Alcoholic Clown movie. 1.00

00:18:41.000 Never seen that.

00:18:41.000 It's funny, dude.

00:18:42.000 You would like it.

00:18:44.000 But he made a conscious decision.

00:18:46.000 I'm not doing that character anymore.

00:18:48.000 And he would go and do stand-up, and people would get mad at him.

00:18:51.000 Like, hey, man!

00:18:52.000 How come you're not screaming?

00:18:53.000 He's like, uh, that's not really me.

00:18:54.000 I don't really scream.

00:18:55.000 It's like a character I developed. 1.00

00:18:57.000 Fucking scream! 1.00

00:18:58.000 It's good! 1.00

00:18:59.000 Yeah.

00:19:00.000 And he's like, no, I'm not doing it anymore. 1.00

00:19:01.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:19:03.000 Wow. 1.00

00:19:05.000 It's like, you know who's unbelievably awesome is Gilbert Gottfried.

00:19:09.000 That's Gilbert though.

00:19:11.000 Yeah.

00:19:11.000 He's not a character, like he seems like a character, but it's just kind of Gilbert at 10. Yep, exactly.

00:19:17.000 Yeah.

00:19:17.000 And what's funny is that the few times that I've worked with him, or like when he did Kill Tony once in New York as a surprise guest, which was so awesome, and on the TV tapings for shows that I wrote on that he was on, He comes in at 2 and you're sort of concerned.

00:19:34.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:35.000 Is he sort of tired today?

00:19:38.000 This and that and all that.

00:19:40.000 It gives me the chills thinking about it.

00:19:42.000 When it's showtime and he hears that crowd and goes in front of the lights, he just all the way.

00:19:49.000 Not even 10. He's at 30. All the way.

00:19:55.000 Yeah, that guy's a legend.

00:19:57.000 Gilbert Gottfried is a legit comedy legend. 0.99

00:19:59.000 Is he still in New York City during all this crazy shit? 0.99

00:20:01.000 I'm sure he is, yeah. 0.99

00:20:02.000 Has he caught the COVID yet?

00:20:04.000 I don't think so.

00:20:06.000 How do you live in New York City stacked on top of people and not catch it?

00:20:09.000 Man, it's crazy.

00:20:11.000 But they also seem to have really hunkered down and sort of...

00:20:16.000 Sort of, you know, done a good job at closing it in. 0.93

00:20:19.000 I think they got the shit scared out of them in the beginning. 0.92

00:20:22.000 Because they were sort of embarrassed, right? 0.97

00:20:24.000 Because New York was the first one to really get it.

00:20:29.000 Well, you know, a lot of it was those nursing home cases.

00:20:32.000 Yep.

00:20:32.000 That's a horrific story, man.

00:20:35.000 Again, people don't even talk about this.

00:20:38.000 It's so bizarre.

00:20:39.000 It's almost like a mini-genocide, what they did.

00:20:43.000 Well, they didn't know any better, or they didn't know what to do.

00:20:47.000 What's weird is when Cuomo goes on CNN and talks to his brother, they don't even bring it up.

00:20:52.000 Creepy.

00:20:53.000 I'm going to tell you, I'm a proud Italian guy, and I can't stand those two guys. 0.95

00:20:58.000 I mean, I really, really, truly dislike them.

00:21:01.000 The Cuomo brothers.

00:21:03.000 And I hate that people like them.

00:21:04.000 Oh, but they're chemistry.

00:21:05.000 They're good together.

00:21:07.000 It makes me mad.

00:21:09.000 What makes you mad about it? 0.99

00:21:10.000 They just are such fake, phony, freaking, just, it just exudes fakeness to me. 0.97

00:21:19.000 Well, if you have to be, if you're going to be on CNN, there's a certain amount of what you do that's coordinated and programmed. 0.98

00:21:27.000 It's just how it is.

00:21:29.000 There's a certain amount of it. 0.99

00:21:31.000 It seems like Andrew is, over time, is having a hard time dealing with questions and shit. 1.00

00:21:43.000 Andrew's a big fucking guy. 0.99

00:21:45.000 Because Chris is like 6'2". 1.00

00:21:47.000 Chris is the one I dislike the most.

00:21:50.000 Yeah, well...

00:21:51.000 You know about him going out with the coronavirus and all that or not having it or whatever he did.

00:21:57.000 Well, he went to look at property that he was developing and some guy yelled at him, you're supposed to be quarantining. 1.00

00:22:03.000 He's like, fuck you! 1.00

00:22:04.000 They got into it. 1.00

00:22:08.000 On the live show, he's in his basement.

00:22:11.000 Well, that was fake.

00:22:12.000 Yeah.

00:22:12.000 Yeah, like, I'm finally coming out of the basement for the first time.

00:22:16.000 But in his defense, that is what they would ask you to do.

00:22:20.000 They would make you do something like that if you want to work at CNN. Like, if you want to work...

00:22:23.000 Forget CNN. If you want to work on a television show and they know that this is an opportunity to film you coming out of the basement, they go, come on, Chris.

00:22:31.000 I was like, well, make it like it...

00:22:32.000 He's like, I've been out of the basement the whole time!

00:22:35.000 There he is.

00:22:36.000 Ready?

00:22:37.000 No?

00:22:37.000 Back down again?

00:22:38.000 Okay, we'll try it again.

00:22:39.000 One more time.

00:22:41.000 Chris, I'd like you to come up, but this time just a little less enthusiastic.

00:22:46.000 Chris Cuomo returns from his basement quarantine.

00:22:49.000 I don't want to play the video.

00:22:50.000 No, don't. 0.97

00:22:52.000 What a doofus. 0.99

00:22:53.000 It's so phony. 0.97

00:22:54.000 He gets up there and his whole family has to play along with it.

00:22:59.000 Here it is.

00:23:01.000 Finally.

00:23:02.000 It's over.

00:23:04.000 I finally made it!

00:23:06.000 Please stop.

00:23:07.000 Stop, Jamie.

00:23:08.000 Don't make me.

00:23:08.000 It's unbelievable.

00:23:10.000 Don't make me.

00:23:11.000 It's supposed to be an honest news network.

00:23:14.000 Well, it's a program.

00:23:18.000 It's an entertainment program about the news.

00:23:21.000 That's really what it is.

00:23:22.000 And it's an opinion program about the news.

00:23:24.000 It's not just the AP. Associated Press, you read stories in the Associated Press, their tone is very...

00:23:37.000 It's neutral.

00:23:38.000 They're just explaining facts.

00:23:40.000 You know?

00:23:41.000 I try to read stuff that's just the facts.

00:23:45.000 And then I'll read opinions on both sides to try to mess my head up.

00:23:49.000 Yeah.

00:23:50.000 It's crazy.

00:23:52.000 CNN's gone haywire though, man.

00:23:55.000 I mean, they are just...

00:23:56.000 Death is coming to all of us 24-7 a day, no matter what is happening in the news.

00:24:02.000 I wonder what that is.

00:24:03.000 You think they feel like they have a responsibility and they have to warn people?

00:24:08.000 They have to get people to...

00:24:09.000 I want to break it down.

00:24:11.000 I'd love to break it down.

00:24:12.000 How are most cases being caught?

00:24:15.000 I know there's a bubble that you can see and it infuriated...

00:24:19.000 My friends, Janet and Evan, who are the owner and chef of Felix, my favorite restaurant in LA, because I sent it to them.

00:24:28.000 And you can see, like, out of restaurants, 3% of all contracted cases came from restaurants.

00:24:33.000 Like, close them down!

00:24:34.000 Like, how?

00:24:36.000 Why?

00:24:36.000 What are you doing?

00:24:37.000 Like, why would you shut down outdoor dining when just restaurants...

00:24:41.000 Alone caused 3%.

00:24:42.000 And how many of those 3% of the people that are working in the kitchen?

00:24:45.000 Are they on top of each other?

00:24:47.000 3%?

00:24:48.000 3% is like, that's everything.

00:24:52.000 3%, what business doesn't have 3%?

00:24:55.000 And then most of them have more.

00:24:57.000 Like retail, and food, and gas stations.

00:25:02.000 There's a lot of them that were higher than that. 0.96

00:25:04.000 It's ridiculous. 0.69

00:25:05.000 I wasn't supposed to even...

00:25:06.000 My plan was to come here in January or February.

00:25:09.000 And then when I was here visiting a few weeks ago, a month ago or whatever, was when on the last day before we left they said they're going to re-lock down.

00:25:19.000 We had to go back into that.

00:25:21.000 And it was just, from then on, it was just, let's go.

00:25:24.000 They're doing stay at home.

00:25:25.000 Yeah.

00:25:26.000 So what is the highway right now?

00:25:28.000 Like when you go on the highway in LA? It's still packed.

00:25:30.000 I mean, it's the same thing.

00:25:32.000 There's nothing, nothing's changing. 1.00

00:25:34.000 Some people are like, fuck you. 0.99

00:25:36.000 Everybody's, everybody that has, there's still enough people that have to work that the freeways are crazy. 1.00

00:25:43.000 And those people don't live in town.

00:25:45.000 You know, they live out of town, so they have to drive.

00:25:47.000 And people need to go to the grocery. 0.86

00:25:50.000 It's so funny that they haven't figured out a way to make shopping safer, the things that people have to do.

00:25:57.000 It's not that dangerous.

00:26:00.000 What's so dangerous about shopping?

00:26:01.000 I don't know, but I'd love to see that bubble percentage in grocery stores from people that have stayed confined and only done the absolute right thing, the necessities.

00:26:10.000 I think the people that are getting in grocery stores are the people that work in grocery stores.

00:26:14.000 I think that's, if I had to guess, I don't have to guess.

00:26:18.000 But if I'm gonna guess, that's what I would imagine.

00:26:20.000 I'd imagine it's the people that work there.

00:26:22.000 Yeah.

00:26:23.000 You know?

00:26:24.000 Yeah.

00:26:25.000 Maybe.

00:26:25.000 I mean, I just don't know.

00:26:26.000 I don't know how people are catching this thing.

00:26:29.000 But it seems to mostly be, my guess, family gatherings, not taking off work, when sick, when showing symptoms.

00:26:39.000 You know, it affects poor people, I think, the most.

00:26:42.000 That eat the worst foods, that drink the worst things, and that can't take off of work.

00:26:47.000 That are willing to work a few days sick.

00:26:49.000 I mean, that is what we're...

00:26:51.000 Well, we're taught in Ohio, right?

00:26:53.000 Just go to work.

00:26:54.000 Yeah.

00:26:55.000 Go to school. 0.85

00:26:56.000 You're sick? 1.00

00:26:56.000 Suck it up. 1.00

00:26:57.000 Yep. 0.99

00:26:58.000 It's the American way, and I think that's why, obviously, a part of it's affecting us deeply.

00:27:03.000 And we're a social place.

00:27:05.000 That's true.

00:27:05.000 You're discouraged from taking sick days.

00:27:07.000 Isn't that interesting? 0.99

00:27:08.000 Because now, if people find out you're sick, they're like, get the fuck away from me. 1.00

00:27:12.000 Stay home, Tony. 0.99

00:27:13.000 Yeah.

00:27:14.000 Now they'll be like, stay home.

00:27:15.000 Yeah.

00:27:16.000 Theo had the best thing.

00:27:17.000 He said, what is it?

00:27:18.000 Coughing is the new N-word.

00:27:20.000 Yeah.

00:27:22.000 How about sneezing? 0.99

00:27:24.000 Sneezing fucking sprays it. 0.99

00:27:28.000 Like open mouth sneezing? 1.00

00:27:29.000 Oh my god, people will want to kill you. 0.96

00:27:32.000 Yeah, it's frightening. 1.00

00:27:33.000 It's disgusting.

00:27:35.000 When are we going to come out of this?

00:27:36.000 What do you think it's going to look like on the other side?

00:27:40.000 I think once this vaccine rolls out, it's going to be party time, man.

00:27:45.000 I really do.

00:27:46.000 I think that's just the American way.

00:27:48.000 I think that people are going to go 110% once they have any inkling that they're going to be okay or that they're not going to spread it.

00:27:58.000 I think it's game on.

00:28:00.000 So today it started rolling out in the UK. They started giving...

00:28:04.000 I don't know how the English people beat us on this one, but they started rolling out the vaccine to normies today.

00:28:12.000 And so it should be close.

00:28:14.000 Want some fun Texas tobacco?

00:28:16.000 Yeah.

00:28:19.000 William Shakespeare was the first one to get it.

00:28:21.000 That's his name?

00:28:23.000 For real?

00:28:24.000 Wow. 0.99

00:28:26.000 Were they just trying to be silly? 0.97

00:28:30.000 Possibly, but that was the guy's name. 0.94

00:28:32.000 That's hilarious.

00:28:34.000 That's really funny.

00:28:35.000 William Shakespeare.

00:28:37.000 Right there, he looks like him too.

00:28:39.000 Man named William Shakespeare, one of the first to get Pfizer vaccine.

00:28:42.000 Jesus Christ, he looks like him.

00:28:44.000 Imagine if it is William Shakespeare.

00:28:47.000 Somehow or another, soul to soul to the devil to write some awesome plays.

00:28:51.000 And he's still alive, and he has to just keep moving around.

00:28:56.000 And people are like, you're not the same William Shakespeare.

00:28:58.000 He's like, okay, whatever.

00:29:01.000 Okay.

00:29:03.000 He wants to tell him, imagine if you live forever, but you have to live forever as a dying man.

00:29:09.000 Ooh, wow, that's crazy.

00:29:12.000 Like, live forever, but you live forever as a guy in his 90s who's just barely able to walk.

00:29:17.000 Oh my god, it is him.

00:29:18.000 I told you.

00:29:19.000 Bro.

00:29:20.000 Bro.

00:29:21.000 I was just kidding.

00:29:24.000 Imagine.

00:29:26.000 Imagine.

00:29:27.000 Shakespeare had an earring?

00:29:28.000 I don't, I mean...

00:29:30.000 Whoa, look at that.

00:29:31.000 Shakespeare.

00:29:32.000 It was ahead of the curve.

00:29:33.000 Yeah, baller.

00:29:34.000 Or it was behind the curve.

00:29:35.000 I mean, the earrings would probably come in waves, right?

00:29:37.000 Like when I was a kid, I had an earring.

00:29:39.000 You did?

00:29:40.000 Yeah, I had two.

00:29:41.000 No way.

00:29:42.000 One in each ear?

00:29:43.000 No, both in one ear.

00:29:45.000 Wow.

00:29:45.000 Just to leave no doubt.

00:29:47.000 Wow.

00:29:48.000 I had a hoop and I had a diamond stud.

00:29:50.000 Oh my god.

00:29:51.000 But it wasn't a diamond.

00:29:52.000 It was a cubic zirconium.

00:29:53.000 Wow.

00:29:54.000 Yeah.

00:29:54.000 I cannot picture that at all.

00:29:56.000 Oh yeah.

00:29:57.000 Would you do it again?

00:29:58.000 Oh no.

00:29:59.000 But my daughter's done it to me. 0.59

00:30:01.000 One of my holes is still active.

00:30:03.000 Wow.

00:30:04.000 That's an interesting thing to take that snip.

00:30:06.000 Jamie's got a picture.

00:30:07.000 Yeah.

00:30:08.000 Look at that.

00:30:09.000 Wow.

00:30:10.000 Very embarrassing.

00:30:13.000 But that is what it is.

00:30:15.000 That is...

00:30:16.000 I think I'm 21 there.

00:30:20.000 Or 22, maybe?

00:30:21.000 22?

00:30:22.000 Well, it says Jeff Sussman on it, so I'm probably 23. Maybe 24. 23 or 24. Look at that fucking guy.

00:30:30.000 Fucking earring. 1.00

00:30:31.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:30:33.000 You have more of a Tony Hinchcliffe-shaped skull in that picture than you currently do.

00:30:38.000 I think you'd like to believe that.

00:30:42.000 I like to believe that there was a time where my skull was shaped like yours.

00:30:45.000 Sort of.

00:30:46.000 You had a little bit of a...

00:30:47.000 You want to get it thicker?

00:30:48.000 You want to get it wider?

00:30:48.000 Yeah, I do.

00:30:49.000 A bunch of things you got to do.

00:30:50.000 How do I do it?

00:30:52.000 Testosterone, growth hormone, and deadlifts.

00:30:53.000 You got to do a lot of heavy lifting.

00:30:55.000 Okay.

00:30:55.000 You got to literally change your bone structure.

00:30:57.000 You can get your face a little thicker.

00:31:00.000 Let's do it.

00:31:01.000 Yeah, but you gotta make sure you do it the correct way. 0.98

00:31:03.000 You don't wanna fuck your body up. 0.70

00:31:06.000 What happens if you don't do it right? 0.99

00:31:07.000 We've talked about this before.

00:31:09.000 Yeah.

00:31:09.000 That you wanted to get bigger.

00:31:10.000 You wanted to bulk up.

00:31:11.000 Yeah.

00:31:11.000 It's really, really...

00:31:13.000 I've tried before.

00:31:14.000 Like, I've tried actual...

00:31:15.000 But you haven't.

00:31:16.000 By the book, weight gain things.

00:31:18.000 Listen.

00:31:18.000 Back in the day, I did.

00:31:19.000 Fuck the book. 1.00

00:31:20.000 You gotta get a trainer. 1.00

00:31:22.000 You have to get a trainer.

00:31:24.000 You have to get someone who's going to show you the stuff to do and make you do the work.

00:31:28.000 I know you think you do the work on your own, but you don't do the work on your own compared to if you had Tony Meathead reaching over, showing you how to get big.

00:31:37.000 You have to lift heavy things.

00:31:39.000 There's no way around it.

00:31:40.000 And that's one of the things that changes your structure.

00:31:43.000 Like, deadlifts is a big one because deadlifts forces your whole body to work, right?

00:31:48.000 With deadlifts, you get an over-under grip, you grab the bar, you bend down, and your whole body...

00:31:54.000 I mean, it's everything. 0.76

00:31:56.000 You're using your fucking biceps, you're using your shoulders, you're using your forearms, your back, even your chest gets a workout. 1.00

00:32:03.000 Your fucking legs get blown out. 1.00

00:32:05.000 I mean, there's so much involved in a deadlift. 1.00

00:32:08.000 That your body's like, oh Jesus, this asshole got a job lifting heavy shit. 1.00

00:32:13.000 We have to change our body. 1.00

00:32:15.000 And then you have to give your body no choice.

00:32:19.000 So you have to feed it as much food as possible.

00:32:22.000 You have to literally stuff yourself.

00:32:23.000 You get sick eating a lot of food if you want to gain weight.

00:32:26.000 And you've got to lift massive amounts of weight.

00:32:29.000 And you got to do it like for low reps.

00:32:32.000 Like if you really want to get bigger, you got to lift like two and three repetitions.

00:32:36.000 So whatever your maximum weight is, you do like 90% of that.

00:32:39.000 I did gain like eight or ten pounds during the weight gain challenge when Jeremiah and I did that a couple years ago.

00:32:45.000 You let him get fat.

00:32:47.000 That's what you did.

00:32:47.000 That was hilarious.

00:32:48.000 You just let him get fat.

00:32:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:32:50.000 That was the most ridiculous challenge ever. 0.99

00:32:52.000 It's like you weren't even trying. 0.99

00:32:53.000 He loved it. 0.99

00:32:54.000 He doesn't smoke or drink or anything, so his whole thing is he's a fucking glutton with food. 0.98

00:33:00.000 I've been on the road with him everywhere. 0.99

00:33:02.000 I take him everywhere, and he eats.

00:33:05.000 And he's so happy after he eats. 0.94

00:33:07.000 He has this crazy endorphin rush where he's silly as hell for an hour afterwards. 0.79

00:33:12.000 And so he was loving it. 0.87

00:33:14.000 He dug it the most.

00:33:15.000 He wanted to do that.

00:33:16.000 He wanted to eat ice cream for breakfast and all that stuff. 0.99

00:33:19.000 Like, he's a monster. 0.78

00:33:20.000 How much did he gain?

00:33:21.000 I think he gained like...

00:33:23.000 More than 30, right?

00:33:24.000 Yeah, I think he gained like 28, 30 pounds.

00:33:26.000 Jesus Christ.

00:33:28.000 That is so insane. 1.00

00:33:30.000 And you took off your shirt and you had a six pack, you fuck. 1.00

00:33:34.000 You didn't even try. 1.00

00:33:35.000 Yeah, no.

00:33:36.000 Look at you.

00:33:37.000 You didn't even try.

00:33:38.000 Look at those muscles.

00:33:39.000 But you didn't even try to lose weight.

00:33:43.000 Or to gain weight, rather.

00:33:44.000 You didn't try to get fat at all.

00:33:47.000 I swear to God, I did.

00:33:48.000 I overate.

00:33:50.000 I didn't do milkshakes at night and stuff like that.

00:33:53.000 Dude, he was dedicated.

00:33:55.000 Look at the difference.

00:33:56.000 How did he lose it?

00:33:58.000 I think just being normal.

00:34:01.000 Like he was overeating so much that I'm pretty sure that just like living any type of normal lifestyle took off that extra weight. 0.92

00:34:09.000 He was being disgusting.

00:34:11.000 Whole pizzas, wash it down with a milkshake, gallon of milk, cereal, cereal, cereal, cereal, candy, candy. 0.86

00:34:19.000 Like it was unbelievable.

00:34:21.000 And he was just the happiest he's ever been too.

00:34:24.000 Well, you wanted to gain muscle and he wanted to gain fat.

00:34:26.000 That was the idea.

00:34:27.000 Yeah.

00:34:28.000 But you didn't get a trainer, right?

00:34:29.000 No.

00:34:30.000 And how old are you now?

00:34:31.000 36. I did go to the gym like, I don't know, four or five days a week.

00:34:35.000 I didn't start supplementing testosterone until after I was 36. I think I was 37 or 38. I started doing testosterone replacement.

00:34:44.000 Show me the way.

00:34:45.000 Yeah.

00:34:45.000 Well, it's like as you get older, there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

00:34:49.000 Your body's going to produce less hormones.

00:34:50.000 And you can either accept that, which many people do.

00:34:52.000 You can be embarrassed about wanting to replenish your hormones, as many people are.

00:34:57.000 They're embarrassed about admitting it.

00:34:59.000 They're embarrassed about discussing it.

00:35:01.000 They want to dismiss the idea they would ever do it.

00:35:04.000 And I had a conversation with a friend of mine who, he works out a little bit, but not much.

00:35:09.000 And he's a little, he gets embarrassed about these things.

00:35:12.000 And he goes, you know, why did you start doing it?

00:35:15.000 I go, it's really simple.

00:35:16.000 I go, I want my body to work better.

00:35:18.000 I want it to perform better.

00:35:19.000 So I talked to doctors.

00:35:20.000 And I like to talk to jacked doctors.

00:35:23.000 That's what I talk to.

00:35:24.000 Legitimately.

00:35:25.000 The doctors that I know that work in hormone replacement, they're all in their 60s, and they look like they're in their 40s, and they're jacked.

00:35:34.000 They're all really fit, really strong guys, and they explain, this is what you do.

00:35:39.000 And it's real simple.

00:35:40.000 First of all, you go to a really good doctor.

00:35:42.000 You get your blood work monitored.

00:35:44.000 You find out what your levels are right now.

00:35:48.000 First thing they do is adjust your nutrition. 0.97

00:35:51.000 They want to make sure that you're eating healthy food because eating a lot of sugar and eating a lot of processed food and eating a lot of heavy carbohydrate like bread and pot and that kind of shit, that can really fuck with your hormones. 0.94

00:36:04.000 It can really crash your whole system. 0.88

00:36:06.000 Like your insulin resistance, there's a lot of problems with eating a lot of bad food.

00:36:12.000 So if they adjust your food and give you like, you know, you start eating salmon and salads and, you know, taking your essential fatty acids, supplementing with fish oil, eating red meat like grass-fed beef, that kind of stuff.

00:36:26.000 Eating rice instead of pasta.

00:36:29.000 Just a little simple.

00:36:30.000 For most people, some people have an issue.

00:36:33.000 For most people, rice is very easily digestible.

00:36:36.000 It's one of the most easily digestible of all the carbohydrates.

00:36:39.000 It's like a lot of heavy powerlifter guys.

00:36:42.000 Robert Oberst.

00:36:44.000 Robert Oberst was on the podcast.

00:36:45.000 He's a strong man.

00:36:46.000 One of the strongest men in the world.

00:36:48.000 A legitimate giant.

00:36:49.000 He's this big.

00:36:51.000 Beef and rice.

00:36:52.000 That's mostly what those guys eat.

00:36:54.000 And then you'd have to...

00:36:57.000 Once you've adjusted your hormones and you have them rechecked.

00:37:00.000 And when you have them rechecked, doctors say, look, all these things are going up.

00:37:04.000 Now we have a better understanding of what your hormone levels are at when they're optimized.

00:37:08.000 So then they say, how much sleep do you get at night?

00:37:10.000 And how do you know?

00:37:11.000 Do you wear a whoop strap?

00:37:12.000 Do you wear some kind of a fitness tracker that measures those aura rings maybe?

00:37:17.000 What do you do to measure your sleep?

00:37:19.000 Measure your sleep.

00:37:20.000 Because when you measure your sleep, it holds you accountable, right?

00:37:23.000 So I look at my sleep in the morning, like I look at how much I got and how much I recovered on my Whoop app, and it's like, it's right there.

00:37:29.000 There's no bullshitting yourself.

00:37:31.000 You can say, oh, I was good.

00:37:32.000 But if you look at your app and it says, no, no, you got 44% recovery and you only slept for five hours.

00:37:38.000 Like, this is what you really did. 0.88

00:37:41.000 Because we like to bullshit ourselves and say we're more rested and more... 0.98

00:37:45.000 So then you would concentrate on... 0.95

00:37:48.000 Making a concerted effort to get enough sleep.

00:37:52.000 Make sure that your body's fully recovered.

00:37:55.000 And then you cut out the alcohol, you cut out all these different things, and then look at your blood work again.

00:38:01.000 You have to cut out alcohol, too?

00:38:02.000 Just for a little bit.

00:38:03.000 Just to try to understand where you're at.

00:38:05.000 I mean, I don't mean cut it out entirely, either.

00:38:07.000 I mean, like right now, you had a half of a drink.

00:38:11.000 You know, this is normal.

00:38:13.000 One drink, have dinner, have a glass of wine, fine. 0.99

00:38:16.000 But getting fucked up, red band style. 0.99

00:38:18.000 That's not what I'm talking about. 1.00

00:38:21.000 Just like fucking vodka sodas and just slapping. 0.99

00:38:25.000 Burt Kreischer style. 0.99

00:38:26.000 I don't know how he does it, but Burt has got a different constitution than all of us.

00:38:30.000 If I drank like Burt, I'd be a dead man.

00:38:32.000 I wouldn't be able to sustain it. 0.99

00:38:34.000 He's got one of them fucking weird European bear. 0.99

00:38:38.000 Viking body. 0.99

00:38:39.000 Yeah, it's got these weird bodies that just can absorb booze.

00:38:42.000 Yeah.

00:38:43.000 It's crazy.

00:38:44.000 So, after that, then they would start recommending, once they knew where you're at, then they start recommending different ways to optimize you.

00:38:54.000 There's something called Samorlin, and that it is a...

00:39:00.000 I don't know exactly what kind of chemical it is, but it increases your body's natural ability to produce human growth hormone.

00:39:09.000 And then there are certain amino acids you take before you go to bed that also optimize your growth hormone production when you're sleeping.

00:39:15.000 It's a multi-step process before you get to bioreplaceable hormones.

00:39:22.000 I'm 138 pounds.

00:39:24.000 What do you think I should...

00:39:25.000 What do you think an optimal weight is for me?

00:39:31.000 Well, you don't have a large frame.

00:39:33.000 You don't have large hands.

00:39:35.000 These are things you can't change, like the width of the shoulders.

00:39:40.000 What about these shoulders?

00:39:41.000 You see that?

00:39:42.000 I'm going to have to bulk those up a little bit.

00:39:43.000 See my neck?

00:39:44.000 Yeah, I can see it.

00:39:45.000 It's right there.

00:39:48.000 Looks like I'm already on this stuff. 0.99

00:39:49.000 I think, for you, the most important thing legitimately is getting someone to show you how to work out correctly, and you're gonna be sore as fuck. 0.99

00:39:58.000 You're gonna be sore as fuck. 0.99

00:39:59.000 For months. 0.99

00:40:00.000 Mm-hmm.

00:40:01.000 Yeah.

00:40:01.000 Like, you gotta accept that most of the time you're gonna be sore.

00:40:04.000 Yeah.

00:40:05.000 Yeah, you're not gonna be all loosey-goosey.

00:40:07.000 When you do a lot of lifting weights, you're like this all the time, like...

00:40:11.000 There's days that I come in here and I sit down and I'm like...

00:40:14.000 I know what happens if I let it go.

00:40:19.000 If I let it go, then things start tweaking.

00:40:21.000 They don't work as well.

00:40:23.000 It's almost like a car that you have to drive if you want to keep your body strong.

00:40:28.000 I'm 53. When I was a kid, 53-year-olds were dead.

00:40:33.000 They were dead.

00:40:34.000 I thought of 53-year-olds. 1.00

00:40:36.000 I didn't think they were going to go to fucking kickboxing classes and lift kettlebells and do crazy shit. 1.00

00:40:43.000 None of that was going on when I was a kid. 0.99

00:40:46.000 When I was a kid, 53-year-old men were barely alive.

00:40:49.000 They were barely alive.

00:40:50.000 Are gyms open out here?

00:40:52.000 Yes.

00:40:52.000 Okay.

00:40:53.000 Yeah, you can work out.

00:40:54.000 You definitely can.

00:40:55.000 You can go to jiu-jitsu.

00:40:56.000 People in LA haven't been able to work out since the original thing.

00:41:00.000 It's going to be over a year.

00:41:02.000 They're treating everybody like babies.

00:41:03.000 This is what it is, man.

00:41:05.000 They're treating everybody like you're not allowed to make your own decisions, including business owners that have spent a ton of money opening up these outdoor cafes and outdoor restaurants.

00:41:12.000 And then they don't even supply any science.

00:41:17.000 They're essentially autocrats, right?

00:41:19.000 They're a dictator.

00:41:20.000 They come and they tell you what they're going to close and what they're not going to close.

00:41:23.000 They don't have to show.

00:41:24.000 There's an overwhelming body of evidence that shows that all this is spreading from yoga studios.

00:41:29.000 We have to stop yoga.

00:41:30.000 Right.

00:41:31.000 And even then, it'd be like, okay, inside yoga's bad.

00:41:35.000 But what about park yoga?

00:41:36.000 Is that okay?

00:41:37.000 Is it okay to do parking lot yoga?

00:41:40.000 There's no data. 1.00

00:41:42.000 So you have these people that are idiots. 1.00

00:41:45.000 They're so dumb, they keep getting busted going on vacation when they're telling everybody to stay home. 1.00

00:41:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:51.000 The mayor of Austin told people it's not time to relax while he was in Cabo. 1.00

00:41:57.000 Yeah.

00:41:59.000 You know how crazy that is?

00:42:00.000 To go to Cabo and be in a condo in Cabo and go, listen, we can't relax.

00:42:05.000 Like, don't travel.

00:42:06.000 Stay away from people.

00:42:07.000 Alright.

00:42:07.000 Take care.

00:42:08.000 Shots off a song.

00:42:11.000 They're partying. 1.00

00:42:13.000 Gavin Newsom eating fucking dinner at a fancy restaurant in Napa with his friends. 1.00

00:42:19.000 No social distancing. 1.00

00:42:20.000 No masks.

00:42:21.000 Right on top of each other.

00:42:22.000 Doors closed.

00:42:24.000 Indoors! 1.00

00:42:25.000 There's a roof.

00:42:25.000 There's a door shut.

00:42:27.000 There's a glass window.

00:42:28.000 I mean, maybe there was like a part of that door where you could open up and you can go outside. 0.99

00:42:32.000 That's not indoors, bitch. 1.00

00:42:34.000 Or that's not outdoors. 1.00

00:42:35.000 Outdoors, there's no roof over your head. 0.99

00:42:37.000 You don't have a fucking chandelier outdoors. 0.99

00:42:41.000 Outdoors you see sky! 1.00

00:42:43.000 That's outdoors, you fuck! 1.00

00:42:45.000 You can't have a roof and a chandelier and say I'm eating outdoors. 1.00

00:42:49.000 That's a lie!

00:42:50.000 You're lying!

00:42:52.000 But look out the window. 1.00

00:42:53.000 Bro, the fucking mayor of Chicago, same thing. 1.00

00:42:56.000 Gets busted getting her hair cut. 1.00

00:42:57.000 These people are gross. 1.00

00:42:59.000 They're gross. 1.00

00:43:00.000 They keep getting busted doing the things they're trying to tell people not to do. 0.96

00:43:05.000 And I don't know why they don't think they're going to get caught.

00:43:07.000 They keep getting caught.

00:43:09.000 It's crazy.

00:43:11.000 I don't understand it.

00:43:13.000 I don't understand it.

00:43:14.000 There's got to be a better way to do this that allows people to keep their businesses open.

00:43:20.000 Stay healthy.

00:43:20.000 Go outside.

00:43:21.000 I eat 100% of my meals out.

00:43:25.000 I have a weird lifestyle.

00:43:27.000 I don't eat at home.

00:43:31.000 We made friends with some of these people these past few months.

00:43:35.000 I found some new restaurants and things like that.

00:43:39.000 Once you make friends with them and you talk to them a bit, they end up sharing with you.

00:43:45.000 Like, oh yeah, this, this, but we're really struggling.

00:43:48.000 We're on our last leg.

00:43:50.000 My father, who owned a restaurant for 30 years, closed it in June.

00:43:55.000 It's already some other...

00:43:59.000 Corporate, janky, someone tagged me in a picture the other day.

00:44:02.000 Your dad in Ohio?

00:44:02.000 Yeah.

00:44:03.000 Wow.

00:44:04.000 Yeah, closed his Italian restaurant.

00:44:05.000 How long did he own that restaurant for?

00:44:06.000 Almost 30 years.

00:44:08.000 It was his entire life.

00:44:09.000 He would hang out with people at the bar, at his bar, until, you know, 1, 2, 3 a.m., and he would start making the sauce and stuff at 5 or 6. He would sleep for a couple few hours and then start another day.

00:44:24.000 His entire everything was that.

00:44:29.000 And I have to check on him, see how he's doing.

00:44:32.000 But I can't imagine him doing anything else.

00:44:36.000 I always assumed he was going to do that absolutely forever.

00:44:39.000 But this is the story for almost all restaurant owners, man.

00:44:45.000 They just don't have that.

00:44:46.000 They're more like comedians or artists or something.

00:44:48.000 They spend the money that they make...

00:44:51.000 It's sort of just a different...

00:44:52.000 You take care of so many people, you sort of want to be taken care of.

00:44:55.000 So they like vacationing, and they like doing this, and they like doing that.

00:44:59.000 So many of them, and it costs a lot of money.

00:45:01.000 And for a lot of restaurant owners, it almost is like an art form, or almost like a source of entertainment, too.

00:45:07.000 Because you're not just providing a delicious meal, You're also giving them a nice environment.

00:45:13.000 You're welcoming them.

00:45:15.000 Hospitality is a big part of it.

00:45:16.000 In so many of these places, we found this one place.

00:45:20.000 Driving around one night, we drove by this Italian restaurant.

00:45:26.000 We were starving.

00:45:27.000 Everything was closed, closed, closed, closed, closed.

00:45:29.000 It was like a Wednesday at 9. It was a long shot.

00:45:33.000 We drove by this one place and we ended up...

00:45:35.000 The kid who worked there was the grandson, the grandfather's the owner, the grandma's inside, answering the phone, unloading wine or whatever.

00:45:43.000 Like, you would see her if you used the restroom. 0.99

00:45:45.000 My point is, like, they were...

00:45:46.000 He was honest.

00:45:49.000 You know, they're just open people.

00:45:50.000 Like, yeah, we bought these heat lamps.

00:45:53.000 You know, this is crazy.

00:45:55.000 What do we have to do?

00:45:56.000 It's like an...

00:45:56.000 It was an alleyway.

00:45:58.000 And I know for a fact, even though he didn't say it, that they weren't...

00:46:01.000 They just weren't having a good year, to say the least.

00:46:07.000 And it's just frightening to think that all these places with all these good people in LA aren't going to have a chance at opening up after they spend money on the heat lamps, after they completely reorganize their entire structure.

00:46:20.000 Has there been any big cities that decided to try to stay open most of the pandemic?

00:46:27.000 I don't think so, right?

00:46:29.000 I don't think there's any big cities that are run by Republicans, are there?

00:46:35.000 Big cities run by Republicans.

00:46:38.000 That just left everything open, basically.

00:46:40.000 You mean like mayors?

00:46:42.000 Yeah.

00:46:42.000 Like, what about Miami?

00:46:45.000 I was just Googling me.

00:46:46.000 I was like, Miami might be open still.

00:46:49.000 I don't know.

00:46:49.000 Well, I think Miami, I think Florida as a whole, the governor of Florida has basically said, listen, the cure can't be worse than the disease.

00:46:57.000 Right.

00:46:58.000 And it's killing our businesses.

00:46:59.000 It's killing our people.

00:47:01.000 It's like a lot of people are committing suicide.

00:47:03.000 A lot of people are getting addicted to drugs.

00:47:04.000 And he took a pragmatic approach.

00:47:07.000 And you could disagree or agree.

00:47:09.000 And a lot of people disagree.

00:47:10.000 And I understand it.

00:47:12.000 There is an issue, though, that a lot of people who disagree with him being able to do this and opening things up, they're financially capable of surviving a year or even longer without work.

00:47:26.000 And many of them are actually in the middle of work.

00:47:30.000 I don't want to cast any aspersions.

00:47:32.000 I don't want to cast any blame.

00:47:33.000 I don't want to point any fingers.

00:47:35.000 That's not what I'm trying to do.

00:47:36.000 But what I want to say is that it's really difficult to even imagine. 0.84

00:47:43.000 And this is coming from someone who doesn't have to imagine, so I know how ridiculous this sounds.

00:47:46.000 But it's difficult to imagine the mindset of someone who's losing everything if you're not losing anything.

00:47:54.000 If your life is basically the same, and this is the problem with some of the politicians, they didn't get punished financially for their city shutting down.

00:48:02.000 They didn't get punished financially for 40% of the businesses going under.

00:48:07.000 I mean, sure, it's going to be tough for them to get re-elected, but they can say, listen, we were in a pandemic.

00:48:12.000 We saved lives.

00:48:14.000 That'll be the propaganda.

00:48:16.000 That'll be the pitch, that they saved lives by doing this.

00:48:21.000 But they don't...

00:48:23.000 They don't act the way a person would act if their entire life's work was on the line, like your dad and his restaurant.

00:48:32.000 They don't act like that person where they find a way to keep things open and keep things reasonably safe.

00:48:38.000 Where they find a way, look, there's a better solution here.

00:48:42.000 What we gotta do is keep people healthier, and that'll lower the numbers of cases, and that'll also lower the severity of cases, and that'll allow us to open places up to a reasonable extent.

00:48:52.000 How about we do this?

00:48:53.000 How about we do that? 0.99

00:48:55.000 Is there a better way to protect people than fucking handkerchiefs? 0.99

00:48:58.000 What's better, handkerchiefs or N95 masks? 0.99

00:49:01.000 Can we just get everybody an N95 mask?

00:49:03.000 It seems like that's a better way to go. 1.00

00:49:04.000 Those fucking things, like nothing gets through those. 1.00

00:49:07.000 But handkerchiefs, you can blow. 1.00

00:49:08.000 You ever see demonstrations people do with a handkerchief and a mask?

00:49:11.000 As a mask, rather.

00:49:12.000 And they light a lighter and go, and blow the lighter out.

00:49:16.000 And then they do the same thing with like a cloth mask, a little more difficult.

00:49:20.000 Then they go to an N95 mask and nothing happens.

00:49:23.000 Nothing.

00:49:24.000 It doesn't get out.

00:49:43.000 Let's do that.

00:49:45.000 Let's do that.

00:49:46.000 And if you're talking about coronavirus, like, in LA, they were saying 3%.

00:49:50.000 I think it was 3.1% was coming from restaurants.

00:49:53.000 What if those people were wearing N95 masks?

00:49:56.000 Would that drop that 3.1 down to nothing?

00:49:59.000 Would it be one?

00:50:00.000 Like, is one acceptable? 0.99

00:50:01.000 Where people can keep their fucking living? 0.99

00:50:03.000 Like, you gotta look at these people. 1.00

00:50:06.000 First of all, you gotta look.

00:50:07.000 Government's never been able to tell you you can't work.

00:50:09.000 This is unprecedented. 1.00

00:50:11.000 This is completely new shit. 0.99

00:50:12.000 Government has never been able to tell, like, everyone in an industry. 1.00

00:50:17.000 I'm in the indoor dining industry.

00:50:20.000 Everyone in your industry can't work.

00:50:22.000 Government has never had that kind of power.

00:50:24.000 Government has never, ever, in the history of the United States of America, had the power to shut all the gyms down. 0.62

00:50:30.000 So you can't...

00:50:31.000 Hey, all you healthy studs and studettes and stud Xs, you...

00:50:37.000 You can't go work out.

00:50:39.000 It's not up to you.

00:50:41.000 The people who own that business, sorry.

00:50:43.000 I know you've worked your whole life.

00:50:45.000 Maybe you did construction for 15 years and saved up half your pay and put it all away with this dream of one day opening up this amazing gym and making your living off your own business you created yourself in the community that you live in.

00:50:59.000 But no.

00:50:59.000 No, the government knows better than you, and they get to decide whether or not you can work.

00:51:05.000 They get to decide whether or not you take chances, whether or not you feel like you've adequately protected yourself from the virus, whether you test enough.

00:51:14.000 They get to the side.

00:51:15.000 And a curfew.

00:51:16.000 The psychological effect of knowing...

00:51:19.000 And by the way, they're not enforcing it.

00:51:20.000 The cops aren't pulling you over and going, what are you doing?

00:51:23.000 But they don't need to.

00:51:24.000 The fact that you know that you're supposed to have a 10...

00:51:27.000 10 p.m.?

00:51:29.000 Dude, you know what they should do?

00:51:30.000 They should have a loud siren that plays throughout the city at 10 p.m.

00:51:35.000 Just to freak you out like War of Worlds style.

00:51:38.000 What?

00:51:40.000 But I'm telling you, when we went from...

00:51:42.000 Can you imagine?

00:51:45.000 Tornado sirens in Ohio and places where they have that, they could just crank that up.

00:51:48.000 Just like that.

00:51:48.000 Like a tornado siren.

00:51:50.000 When we went from Texas back to California, it was like being on vacation and then going to boarding school.

00:51:57.000 Psychologically, it was like that.

00:51:59.000 There was no one enforcing the rules.

00:52:01.000 Boarding school.

00:52:02.000 It's more like juvenile detention.

00:52:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:04.000 Yeah, you're going to a shitty boarding school. 0.99

00:52:07.000 Except juvenile detention, at least they feed you more. 1.00

00:52:10.000 And you're with a bunch of other fuck-ups. 0.99

00:52:12.000 You get to have a good time. 0.99

00:52:16.000 But the thing's crazy, and I'm telling you, this re-lockdown, wait till we see the mental health effect of this, because I'm telling you, being out there, it's much worse than the original lockdown.

00:52:27.000 We were all in it together.

00:52:28.000 We were curious as to what was happening.

00:52:30.000 Now, a lot of the people, at least in Los Angeles, feel like... 0.99

00:52:35.000 What the fuck am I doing? 0.96

00:52:36.000 It was funny to watch the evolution of the talks that I was having with my friends about moving to Austin a few months ago to now. 0.99

00:52:44.000 They were the ones that were like, but what are you going to do?

00:52:47.000 Are you just going to hang out with Joe Rogan and Ron White?

00:52:50.000 What about all your other friends?

00:52:52.000 You've built an entire thing here.

00:52:53.000 What about when the store opens up and you're going to have the best spot now?

00:52:58.000 To cut to a week ago or two.

00:53:00.000 And all those same people are literally like, good for you, man.

00:53:04.000 You know, this is great for you.

00:53:06.000 This is awesome for you.

00:53:07.000 It was total, total difference.

00:53:10.000 They were more like, are you gonna get to go?

00:53:14.000 It's like Snowpiercer out there.

00:53:16.000 These people are all stuck on a train trying to survive, trying to move up, and there's no way to do it.

00:53:22.000 And the conductor does not want to let go of the wheel.

00:53:25.000 That conductor never wants to let go.

00:53:27.000 Those mayors, they love shutting off people's water and power and flexing their muscle and telling people you can't get together to have a party.

00:53:36.000 Golf.

00:53:37.000 Golf.

00:53:38.000 Golf.

00:53:38.000 And by the way, my last time that I was here, we talked about golf, and I have a new golf coach...

00:53:44.000 Who's in Dubai.

00:53:45.000 Who sends me updated video updates.

00:53:47.000 Alex Riggs out in Dubai.

00:53:49.000 And he...

00:53:51.000 Now...

00:53:51.000 I mean, if I would have lived there, I wouldn't have even gotten to do that.

00:53:55.000 You know what I mean?

00:53:56.000 Starting to work on a distraction from all of this.

00:54:00.000 And they're like, no.

00:54:01.000 Golf.

00:54:02.000 Golf.

00:54:02.000 Again, just like stand-up.

00:54:04.000 I always thought...

00:54:06.000 You know, instead of writing on shows and this and that, I'm like, well, one thing that nobody will ever be able to take away is live shows.

00:54:13.000 So double down on stand-up, double down on live podcasting.

00:54:17.000 Live audiences will never go away.

00:54:19.000 Boom.

00:54:20.000 Boom.

00:54:21.000 Gone.

00:54:21.000 But my backup plan, out of nowhere, starting in June, was golf.

00:54:25.000 And I'm like, this is golf.

00:54:28.000 This is the most socially distanced, and it's fun, and it's relaxing, and it's cool, and gone.

00:54:35.000 There's a real danger in telling people to stay home that you know better than them.

00:54:42.000 It's observable that the people telling you a large number of them are not doing what they're telling you to do.

00:54:49.000 It's very bad for the fabric of society.

00:54:53.000 It's going to increase the amount of violent crime.

00:54:56.000 It's going to increase the amount of theft.

00:54:58.000 It's going to increase lawlessness because they don't believe in the system. 0.98

00:55:01.000 And there's going to be more and more people that are financially fucked. 0.95

00:55:05.000 And those are the kind of people that take risks. 1.00

00:55:07.000 Those are the kind of people that maybe would never do anything criminal or are trying to go on the straight and narrow, but they have to feed their fucking kids. 0.99

00:55:15.000 And they have to do something. 0.99

00:55:17.000 And this is where these politicians that keep getting these steady paychecks, but keep making these decisions, they are making horrible mistakes.

00:55:26.000 Horrible mistakes.

00:55:27.000 Because it's not just about protecting people from the virus.

00:55:31.000 It is about protecting people from the virus.

00:55:33.000 It is about that. 0.99

00:55:33.000 But it's also about protecting their fucking livelihoods. 0.99

00:55:37.000 And that has been given no attention. 0.99

00:55:40.000 No attention.

00:55:41.000 You gotta protect their livelihoods too.

00:55:43.000 And if all you're doing to protect their livelihoods is allowing them to work, that's it?

00:55:49.000 We're not talking about businesses that are going under, like the savings and loan crisis where they save the banks.

00:55:56.000 No, we're talking about places that are going under because they're not allowed to work.

00:56:01.000 It's not like the businesses have dried up and disappeared.

00:56:03.000 They need a loan to restructure.

00:56:05.000 No, no, no.

00:56:06.000 You're not allowing them to show up.

00:56:08.000 They have to sit at home and watch everything they work for, for your dad's case, 30 years.

00:56:14.000 Just go away. 0.98

00:56:15.000 Yeah.

00:56:16.000 And their routines.

00:56:17.000 Again, the mental health.

00:56:19.000 I mean, what is a guy like that?

00:56:22.000 An Italian guy that used to cook everything and on top of that, socialize every night.

00:56:29.000 Tell your dad to come to Texas.

00:56:31.000 He ain't coming to Texas.

00:56:32.000 He's old school.

00:56:33.000 He doesn't even...

00:56:34.000 Unbelievable.

00:56:35.000 Really?

00:56:35.000 Truly, truly the best.

00:56:37.000 Let's work something out.

00:56:38.000 He's so...

00:56:39.000 He could have been in New York or LA or Vegas decades ago. 0.99

00:56:43.000 Come down here and shoot a couple of guns. 0.99

00:56:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:56:47.000 Get a shot of this stuff.

00:56:48.000 You start thinking, I could live here.

00:56:51.000 Listen, man, I was thinking I could live here in 99. I still can't believe I live here.

00:56:55.000 With that said, I am absolutely shocked at the restaurant scene here.

00:56:59.000 They're amazing.

00:57:00.000 And they're open.

00:57:01.000 Mind-blowing.

00:57:02.000 Mind-blowing.

00:57:03.000 There's so many good restaurants.

00:57:04.000 We were talking about this a bit earlier, but better Mexican food than L.A. immediately.

00:57:09.000 It's a different style.

00:57:10.000 It's like Tex-Mex versus Mexican, but that's maybe my favorite food.

00:57:16.000 It's right up there.

00:57:18.000 Because I love spicy, right?

00:57:20.000 Spicy and...

00:57:22.000 You know, especially if I'm drunk.

00:57:24.000 If I'm drunk, I want to go to a taqueria all day.

00:57:26.000 Like if I have a choice of treatment, if I'm drunk, like drunk food, Mexican food is the best food to have after you've been drinking.

00:57:33.000 And spicy, you're right.

00:57:34.000 And something I was doing yesterday was spicy food with a spicy margarita.

00:57:39.000 So you're trying to wash it down and the drink sometimes is spicier than the food. 0.99

00:57:43.000 I had a great Indian place near me in LA. I wonder if there's good Indian food out here.

00:57:48.000 I haven't seen that yet.

00:57:50.000 There's gotta be.

00:57:51.000 There's good sushi here.

00:57:52.000 The barbecue's off the charts.

00:57:54.000 Best Japanese meal I've ever had in my life, Ron White took us to.

00:57:58.000 Oh, yeah, you tell me.

00:57:59.000 Fukumoto.

00:58:00.000 Yeah, he's the guy.

00:58:01.000 Yeah.

00:58:01.000 He's the king of Texas.

00:58:02.000 Yeah.

00:58:03.000 If you have any questions, you go to Ron White.

00:58:05.000 I was with him last night.

00:58:06.000 Ron White.

00:58:07.000 So we did Tony's show.

00:58:08.000 We did Tony's show at Vulcan Gas Company.

00:58:10.000 And I hadn't done stand-up since I did stand-up in Houston in July.

00:58:14.000 And I was kind of relegated to not doing it until the pandemic was over.

00:58:19.000 I even passed on doing Dave's shows in Ohio because it was in the process of moving here.

00:58:26.000 And I was like, I just, I know me.

00:58:28.000 If I do a set there and have a good time, I'm going to want to go on the road again.

00:58:33.000 And right now I can't do that.

00:58:34.000 I'm moving here.

00:58:35.000 I need to get the studio set up.

00:58:36.000 I need to get my house set up.

00:58:38.000 I need to get my kids, you know, completely relaxed with this environment, get them happy and healthy and everything.

00:58:44.000 And then just, I'm like, let's just accept the fact that there's no standup.

00:58:48.000 But then your show.

00:58:50.000 So Ron White hadn't done any stand-up since March.

00:58:53.000 Nothing. 0.99

00:58:53.000 Not a fucking joke. 0.99

00:58:55.000 And he's like, man, I'm probably retired. 1.00

00:58:58.000 Saying all this shit. 0.99

00:58:59.000 And I'm like, you're not retired. 1.00

00:59:00.000 And he goes, oh, fucking who wants to see me? 0.99

00:59:02.000 Jesus Christ, Ron White. 0.99

00:59:04.000 We have these conversations sometimes where he sort of gets down.

00:59:07.000 And I'm like, Ron White, you're one of the funniest human beings that's ever lived.

00:59:10.000 You're one of my favorite people.

00:59:11.000 He just wants to hear us say that.

00:59:12.000 He wants to hear it.

00:59:13.000 He wants to hear it.

00:59:14.000 But he knows he's gonna hear it, too. 0.99

00:59:16.000 I'm like, you're funny as fuck, man. 0.99

00:59:18.000 Come on. 0.99

00:59:18.000 You're awesome. 0.99

00:59:19.000 Just go up there and kill it. 0.99

00:59:21.000 So this was his attitude before the show, right? 0.99

00:59:24.000 We have a couple adult beverages. 0.99

00:59:27.000 Ron White goes up there, and he hasn't missed a goddamn beat. 0.99

00:59:30.000 Not a single punchline was off. 0.99

00:59:33.000 Ripped the roof off the door.

00:59:35.000 45 second, minute long.

00:59:37.000 I saw someone tag a video on Instagram.

00:59:40.000 He's just absorbing this standing ovation.

00:59:42.000 Looking up at the balcony.

00:59:44.000 Tipping his hat.

00:59:45.000 Cheers in his drink.

00:59:47.000 Time just keeps rolling.

00:59:49.000 Before he brings you up, after he says thank you, I'm Ron White.

00:59:52.000 He's the king.

00:59:53.000 He's the king.

00:59:55.000 And they love him here.

00:59:56.000 He's so Texas.

00:59:58.000 He's the coolest.

01:00:00.000 We're neighbors now.

01:00:00.000 It's amazing.

01:00:01.000 We are literally like across the street neighbors.

01:00:05.000 My walk to his place is two minutes.

01:00:08.000 Well, he's a part of everything we do out here.

01:00:10.000 If we're going to do something out here, Ron White's going to be a part of that for sure.

01:00:14.000 But so anyway, he goes up, murders, destroys, and he brings me up.

01:00:18.000 He brings me up.

01:00:19.000 He gives me this big giant hug. 0.99

01:00:20.000 He's fucking beaming. 0.99

01:00:22.000 Beaming when he brings me up. 0.99

01:00:23.000 And then I get off stage.

01:00:25.000 And he grabs me by both shoulders.

01:00:26.000 He goes, no matter what we do, we gotta keep this going.

01:00:30.000 No matter what we do.

01:00:31.000 He was so fired up.

01:00:33.000 I swear to God, one of my favorite highlights of that night, it's funny because I didn't even know that, but one of the highlights of that night to me was when he brought you up, he came back up the stairs to the green room area because I was in the hallway half anyway,

01:00:50.000 and he gave me one of those big hugs where his hands slap against my back so hard that you could tell he couldn't even control it.

01:01:02.000 This wise grown man could not contain his excitement for something that he hadn't done in months.

01:01:10.000 Almost a year.

01:01:10.000 The longest break of his, I think he said, what, 40 year career?

01:01:15.000 30 or 40 years.

01:01:17.000 Longest break he's had.

01:01:18.000 Eight months.

01:01:19.000 Eight months of no stand-up at all and then murders.

01:01:22.000 And then, you know, I think he's a smart guy, right?

01:01:26.000 So the pandemic is raging.

01:01:28.000 He's got a wonderful girlfriend.

01:01:30.000 He's very happy and he's got a lot of money. 0.97

01:01:33.000 And so he's like, hey man, I'm just gonna fucking hang back. 0.85

01:01:36.000 I'm just gonna drink my tequila. 0.59

01:01:38.000 He's got a tequila company.

01:01:39.000 Numero one tequila.

01:01:41.000 He's got things happening.

01:01:43.000 He doesn't need to do anything. 0.98

01:01:44.000 So he just decides, I'll fucking sell my house in Beverly Hills. 0.98

01:01:48.000 Come out to Austin. 0.99

01:01:50.000 Relax.

01:01:50.000 I guess I'm retired.

01:01:52.000 I guess I'm retired. 1.00

01:01:54.000 He was talking all that shit. 1.00

01:01:56.000 I told you that story, right? 1.00

01:01:57.000 About how I asked him when we first got there.

01:02:00.000 I asked him, I go, Hey Ron, so are you going to do a guest spot tomorrow night on my show?

01:02:05.000 We'll keep it super top secret.

01:02:06.000 We won't promote it.

01:02:08.000 The opener will just bring you up.

01:02:10.000 You'll bring up Joe if he performs.

01:02:13.000 And he goes, nah, I'm retired.

01:02:15.000 And then, like a half hour later, we're eating barbecue dinner, and he goes, yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow after your show at about 11.30.

01:02:24.000 I'm taking the tour bus to Nashville.

01:02:26.000 I go, oh, you're coming to the show?

01:02:27.000 He goes, coming.

01:02:28.000 I'm performing on it.

01:02:29.000 You asked me earlier.

01:02:31.000 I'm like, oh, okay. 1.00

01:02:32.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:02:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:36.000 He didn't change it.

01:02:37.000 He knew he was going to perform the second I asked him.

01:02:39.000 He just wanted to pretend.

01:02:40.000 He's so funny.

01:02:41.000 I think people protect themselves, though, from expectation.

01:02:44.000 Oh, absolutely.

01:02:45.000 That's the thing that people do.

01:02:47.000 They just protect themselves from disappointment.

01:02:49.000 And when you're a guy who, you know...

01:02:53.000 Ron White had a normal person's life until he was in his 40s.

01:02:57.000 And then got on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and became a superstar.

01:03:02.000 Yeah.

01:03:03.000 And...

01:03:06.000 I mean, for a guy like that to just shut it off.

01:03:09.000 But like I was saying, he's a smart guy.

01:03:11.000 So he can figure out a way to be happy.

01:03:13.000 He's not going to cry, woe is me, and be depressed and scream.

01:03:18.000 He's just going to find a way to be happy with this life.

01:03:22.000 Happy with everything he accomplished.

01:03:23.000 Happy with his girlfriend.

01:03:25.000 Happy with his life.

01:03:26.000 Just have a good time.

01:03:28.000 Just hang back and relax.

01:03:29.000 And we talked about doing some stuff because he does a lot of things on his phone.

01:03:33.000 He talks to his phone.

01:03:34.000 I go, you should do that on a weekly basis.

01:03:36.000 Just you give your thoughts on things.

01:03:38.000 You know, about life.

01:03:39.000 About anything.

01:03:40.000 Just have a cocktail.

01:03:41.000 Sit in front of your iPhone.

01:03:42.000 It doesn't have to be formal.

01:03:44.000 It could be ten minutes long.

01:03:45.000 It could be five minutes long.

01:03:46.000 It could be a minute.

01:03:47.000 It doesn't matter.

01:03:48.000 Just promise you're going to do it like Ron White's Friday night take.

01:03:52.000 Here's what I saw.

01:03:54.000 This is what I think about this and that.

01:03:56.000 Love you guys.

01:03:57.000 Bye.

01:03:58.000 Do that on a regular basis.

01:03:59.000 So we started talking about that.

01:04:00.000 He kind of got excited about that.

01:04:02.000 I was like, you can do anything you want, man.

01:04:05.000 It doesn't have to be just in front of a crowd.

01:04:08.000 But eventually, it's going to be in front of a crowd again.

01:04:10.000 And you can't forget what you've done.

01:04:14.000 Because...

01:04:15.000 You know, I've been doing stand-up comedy for a long time.

01:04:19.000 I've seen a lot of guys perform. 0.97

01:04:20.000 You still make me laugh really fucking hard. 0.81

01:04:24.000 He's really good. 0.95

01:04:25.000 He's so funny.

01:04:25.000 It's crazy.

01:04:26.000 His writing is so tight.

01:04:28.000 Got here two days ago, and night one, because again, I live across the street from him, I hit him up and we all hung out and...

01:04:37.000 Everything he does.

01:04:39.000 You know, you'll forget for a few minutes because you're just hanging out with a friend.

01:04:42.000 And then just...

01:04:43.000 He just slices you right down the middle.

01:04:47.000 You know, I can't remember any of the things.

01:04:49.000 But it's also just like his cadence and delivery.

01:04:51.000 And he knows what's funny about him.

01:04:53.000 And he knows when he gets you.

01:04:55.000 You know, like a comedian.

01:04:56.000 He'll move on to the next thing while you're still laughing.

01:04:59.000 Like, anyway, what are we doing? 1.00

01:05:02.000 It's like, shit. 0.99

01:05:03.000 And I said out loud that two nights ago, I go... 1.00

01:05:07.000 I forgot again how much fun it is to hang out with comedians.

01:05:12.000 It's just the store being completely closed.

01:05:16.000 That's the hardest part, man. 0.99

01:05:18.000 The hardest part is not being able to hang out with people who genuinely don't give a fuck and will say the most rude and ridiculous thing to you with a giant smile on their face and then you'll laugh at that and fall to the ground. 0.99

01:05:30.000 They could have said the worst shit about you and you'll fall down laughing like... 0.99

01:05:35.000 I mean, the conversations that we've had after shows, like on the road, just laughing and just having a good, like everywhere we went, we were home. 0.99

01:05:46.000 It was weird.

01:05:48.000 You know, it's weird to be in this place and that place and fly here and fly there and you and me and Diaz in a hotel somewhere.

01:05:55.000 But when we're together and we're all talking, like we're at home.

01:06:00.000 Without a doubt.

01:06:01.000 Yeah, we're just laughing and having fun.

01:06:03.000 And I've met a lot of really good people.

01:06:07.000 But it's not just comics that are good people.

01:06:12.000 There's a lot of people that I really enjoy talking to that there's nothing funny about them.

01:06:17.000 They're never going to be funny.

01:06:17.000 They don't have any desire to be funny.

01:06:21.000 Um, but to talk to comedians is a different animal.

01:06:26.000 It's like there's a different element in the room. 0.99

01:06:28.000 Like, you're fucking with each other. 0.98

01:06:30.000 You're playing off each other. 0.99

01:06:32.000 You're making each other laugh.

01:06:33.000 Yeah.

01:06:34.000 And you know you're also comedians.

01:06:37.000 Like, we're playing a game.

01:06:38.000 It's like we get to, like, throw a ball around.

01:06:41.000 Like, hey, let's go eat and throw the ball around.

01:06:43.000 Like, we're playing a game.

01:06:44.000 We're playing a fun...

01:06:45.000 Let's be silly fun game.

01:06:47.000 Yeah.

01:06:47.000 And it's fun because none of my non-comedian friends almost ever, you know, try to make fun of me or shoot down a thought or anything like that.

01:06:57.000 It's usually quite the opposite. 0.99

01:06:59.000 And around you guys, you guys truly don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:07:04.000 So if I say something, you know... 1.00

01:07:05.000 I can't wait for you to say something ridiculous. 0.99

01:07:08.000 I know. 1.00

01:07:10.000 I can't wait for you to say something dumb. 1.00

01:07:13.000 I'm like, please say something dumb so I can attack! 1.00

01:07:16.000 And to sound dumb, it's a fun feeling. 0.98

01:07:18.000 It's a foreign feeling, which creates the element of surprise, which creates laughter. 0.99

01:07:23.000 I love when I'm dumb. 0.98

01:07:25.000 I do. 0.99

01:07:26.000 I love when someone catches me doing something dumb and I can laugh at it myself. 0.74

01:07:30.000 You know what's funny is people don't even... 0.82

01:07:32.000 I'm not even a pun guy. 1.00

01:07:33.000 You think I'm a pun guy because I like doing that dumb shit. 1.00

01:07:37.000 You're the king of puns. 1.00

01:07:37.000 I'm not. 1.00

01:07:38.000 You say that all the time and people hit me up and tag me.

01:07:42.000 Hey, you're the king of puns.

01:07:42.000 Did you ever see this pun book?

01:07:44.000 I'm like, what?

01:07:45.000 I don't even do that. 0.97

01:07:46.000 But I do do that in front of you because it's so funny to me to do a dumb joke And watch you shoot it down. 0.69

01:07:54.000 I don't mean you're the king of puns on stage. 0.85

01:07:57.000 Right.

01:07:57.000 No, I know that.

01:07:58.000 But it's a different kind of performing.

01:08:01.000 See, you are doing stand-up when you do those puns with me because you know I'm going to laugh.

01:08:06.000 Right?

01:08:08.000 It's the kind of performing you do for a great friend.

01:08:11.000 But it is a performing.

01:08:13.000 You're doing a show for me.

01:08:15.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:08:15.000 Like, if you do that, like, when you, me and you are in a car together, we're driving, dude, one of the funniest bits in your fucking act right now is something you said when you and I were on the road, we were driving to Fresno. 0.97

01:08:27.000 From Santa Barbara. 0.90

01:08:28.000 And crying, laughing, like, tears in my eyes.

01:08:31.000 Yeah.

01:08:32.000 Like, wiping my sleeves.

01:08:33.000 Oh! 0.60

01:08:35.000 Yeah.

01:08:35.000 I'm like, you gotta say that on stage.

01:08:37.000 You were doing stand-up.

01:08:38.000 It's a form of stand-up.

01:08:40.000 It's just a one-person form.

01:08:41.000 It's true.

01:08:42.000 What's crazy about that is just the two of us in that car that first time that I riffed that joke.

01:08:49.000 All the energy was trapped in that expedition or suburban or whatever it was.

01:08:54.000 And to think what that's done to arenas since then.

01:08:58.000 I know.

01:08:59.000 Isn't it crazy? 1.00

01:09:00.000 It's crazy where an idea will come to you like a fucking... 1.00

01:09:04.000 Like a magic trick. 1.00

01:09:06.000 Yeah.

01:09:07.000 Like something just appears out of nowhere that you had before or that you didn't have before, but then all of a sudden you have a new way of thinking about a subject, a new angle on something.

01:09:23.000 A new twist on things.

01:10:04.000 Yeah.

01:10:05.000 Then sometimes it's because it comes after a bit that's something, or maybe if you reposition it to the beginning or the end, and all these, there's so many adjustments that are possible, and sometimes you just end up...

01:10:15.000 You gotta abandon it.

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:17.000 I've had abandoned bits that were at one time killing, and then they stopped working.

01:10:22.000 Like, they just, either I lost interest in it, or it didn't make as much sense with the rest of my act, or there's a problem if you have, like, two different takes on the same subject, and one of them was,

01:10:37.000 like, the original take, and you were kind of married to it, and then the other one's better.

01:10:41.000 And then you have the two of them together, but then the original one starts to suck, because it's connected to the second one, to the more powerful one.

01:10:49.000 It's a magical art form.

01:10:52.000 It really is.

01:10:53.000 I love it to this day.

01:10:54.000 I went to see Bill Burr Friday night.

01:10:57.000 Went down to see him.

01:10:58.000 I think he's in Dripping Springs.

01:11:01.000 I think that's where the outdoor arena was.

01:11:05.000 It's about a half hour from here. 0.97

01:11:11.000 And I enjoyed the shit out of it. 0.98

01:11:12.000 I enjoyed it. 0.98

01:11:13.000 I had a great time.

01:11:14.000 I was watching comedy.

01:11:15.000 You just went and watched?

01:11:16.000 Yeah, yeah, just sat down and watched.

01:11:17.000 Yeah, I watched Dean.

01:11:19.000 Dean had a great set.

01:11:20.000 Oh, cool.

01:11:20.000 And then I watched Bill.

01:11:21.000 I'm like, this was fun.

01:11:23.000 I enjoyed it as an audience member.

01:11:26.000 Yeah.

01:11:26.000 I enjoyed it as a fan of stand-up comedy.

01:11:29.000 I'm like, God, this is great.

01:11:30.000 I was watching before the comedy store closed again.

01:11:33.000 There was a couple times where I got to really sit down and watch Don Barris through the front window.

01:11:38.000 And it's like he's trying to...

01:11:40.000 It's this thing that works so well.

01:11:43.000 He's the king of late night at the store.

01:11:45.000 He could wake the dead there at 2.30am.

01:11:49.000 And trying to do it through a window and watching him surgically...

01:11:53.000 And by the way, I was dying.

01:11:56.000 Whereas a lot of perhaps maybe the normal people that didn't know who he was on the patio were sort of like, what?

01:12:02.000 What's this guy doing?

01:12:04.000 Why is he talking about that? 1.00

01:12:06.000 Why does he keep asking us who out there likes to fuck? 1.00

01:12:12.000 And why do half the people go crazy? 0.99

01:12:14.000 And why do they seem like they know him anyway?

01:12:17.000 It's fun to get to watch that, but it's also so sad to know that, oh my god, this guy would be having the time of his life if they would just let these people on the other side of that wall.

01:12:30.000 The difference between doing it in a window and outside...

01:12:35.000 With that huge disconnect and one speaker coming from the corner, it's like...

01:12:39.000 It's also, you're doing it through an aquarium window.

01:12:41.000 Yeah.

01:12:42.000 What is that?

01:12:42.000 Yeah.

01:12:43.000 Like, people...

01:12:44.000 There's stand-up comedy.

01:12:46.000 I always say, when you watch it on television, it's like...

01:12:51.000 Maybe 60 or 70% as good as it is if you're there.

01:12:54.000 Right.

01:12:55.000 I think it's even less than that.

01:12:58.000 It's probably 60, I think, in my mind.

01:13:01.000 When you're there, there's a magic in the room.

01:13:03.000 When you're there, there's a moment before a comic goes on stage when you're in the audience.

01:13:08.000 I remember this from the early days when I would go to see people.

01:13:12.000 When I was just starting out, I'd go to see Sam Kinison or Jerry Seinfeld.

01:13:16.000 I paid to see people.

01:13:17.000 I sat down in the audience.

01:13:19.000 There's a moment.

01:13:20.000 When the audience lights dim and the spotlight comes on, you're like, whoa, here we go.

01:13:25.000 You can feel it.

01:13:27.000 You feel it in the room, man.

01:13:29.000 You feel it.

01:13:30.000 Forget about just the show itself.

01:13:32.000 That is an acknowledgement of the energy of the live performance.

01:13:35.000 The moment that the show is about to start, everybody gets jazzed up.

01:13:40.000 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ron White!

01:13:44.000 And he goes on stage.

01:13:47.000 And everybody can feel it.

01:13:49.000 And then when the people next to you are laughing, you're laughing harder.

01:13:52.000 He hits a punchline and you could hear laughter everywhere.

01:13:56.000 And it's like...

01:13:58.000 We're all in it together.

01:14:00.000 You're in a sea of feeling with hundreds of other people that you don't know.

01:14:05.000 And you're all feeding off of each other.

01:14:07.000 It's a very, very strange sensation.

01:14:10.000 And you don't get it on television.

01:14:11.000 On television, you get good writing.

01:14:13.000 You get personality and charisma.

01:14:15.000 You watch it.

01:14:16.000 You laugh.

01:14:17.000 I loved Bill's Paper Tiger, the last one.

01:14:21.000 Loved it.

01:14:22.000 Yeah.

01:14:22.000 But I'm also a big fan of stand-up, so I'm excited to see him, looking forward to it.

01:14:28.000 But if I was there in the room while he did it, I could see it, I'd look around, the lights and the feeling.

01:14:34.000 That's a real experience.

01:14:36.000 And you just don't get that unless it's in front of a live crowd.

01:14:40.000 Right.

01:14:40.000 Everything else is the worst version of it for sure is zoom stand-up.

01:14:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:46.000 I would beg and plead, please don't do it.

01:14:48.000 Right.

01:14:49.000 I've seen like real world-class professionals do zoom stand-up and it was atrocious.

01:14:55.000 Yeah, no bueno.

01:14:56.000 First of all, because they have timing that's developed in front of audiences and there's no audience.

01:15:03.000 So nothing looks weirder.

01:15:07.000 Than you.

01:15:08.000 Talking like this.

01:15:12.000 When there's no one else there.

01:15:14.000 You know, if you were talking to one person and they were talking like this, you're like, what are you doing?

01:15:18.000 Right.

01:15:19.000 What's with all these dramatic pauses?

01:15:21.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:15:22.000 This is ridiculous. 0.98

01:15:23.000 Why do you keep putting the microphone close to your face when you say the last word? 0.99

01:15:29.000 Right.

01:15:30.000 Weird.

01:15:31.000 I'm like, putting...

01:15:35.000 You know that thing?

01:15:37.000 Yeah.

01:15:38.000 It's a weird way of talking.

01:15:39.000 It seems terrible on Zoom.

01:15:41.000 It just doesn't work.

01:15:42.000 There's no one there.

01:15:43.000 Live is better.

01:15:45.000 First night here I saw live music.

01:15:48.000 Ate a burger while a band was playing in the corner.

01:15:52.000 Yeah, they do that here.

01:15:53.000 Yeah.

01:15:54.000 It's real.

01:15:54.000 Yeah.

01:15:55.000 Haven't seen live music in Los Angeles in this year.

01:15:58.000 You know who's doing the best stand-up or the best version of online stand-up?

01:16:03.000 Andrew Schultz.

01:16:04.000 Oh yeah.

01:16:05.000 Direct to camera.

01:16:07.000 Well written.

01:16:07.000 Direct to camera.

01:16:08.000 Super well written.

01:16:09.000 New punchline every couple seconds.

01:16:11.000 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

01:16:12.000 And now he's got a Netflix thing coming out.

01:16:14.000 Yep.

01:16:14.000 You seen that?

01:16:15.000 Yeah.

01:16:15.000 He's doing that thing straight to it.

01:16:17.000 Dude.

01:16:18.000 Brilliant.

01:16:19.000 That's different.

01:16:20.000 See how the pace is so much different than his stand-up?

01:16:23.000 Yeah.

01:16:24.000 See, he figured it out.

01:16:25.000 His stand-up is at a more casual and relaxed pace.

01:16:30.000 But he recognized that this is not regular stand-up.

01:16:33.000 It's kind of stand-up-y, but it's not regular stand-up.

01:16:36.000 And he adapted perfectly.

01:16:39.000 He's a smart dude.

01:16:41.000 Very smart dude.

01:16:42.000 He's the man.

01:16:43.000 He's a really smart dude.

01:16:44.000 He figured it out.

01:16:45.000 He figured out how to make it through.

01:16:46.000 And other folks have not.

01:16:47.000 And other folks have made these errors, you know, different ways of...

01:16:52.000 No fault of their own.

01:16:54.000 Just trying different ways to do it.

01:16:56.000 But he's figured it out.

01:16:58.000 That's the way to do it.

01:16:58.000 And, you know, I think that not only that, but he's...

01:17:02.000 He goes hard.

01:17:04.000 You know what I mean?

01:17:05.000 He has no network notes.

01:17:07.000 He's doing it his way.

01:17:09.000 That's like a modern day Jon Stewart or Jon Oliver, except there's no network notes coming in.

01:17:18.000 But it's much harsher.

01:17:19.000 He's much harsher.

01:17:20.000 And he's also not woke.

01:17:23.000 Those guys, especially Jon Oliver, if you're going to do a show on HBO, one of those opinion shows, You've got a serious left-wing bend almost always, right?

01:17:37.000 If it's a comedy show.

01:17:39.000 But Schultz is straight down the middle.

01:17:42.000 He just calls it like he sees it.

01:17:44.000 He doesn't have a left-wing bend or a right-wing bend.

01:17:47.000 I would say probably more left than right, but he's not ideologically driven by one party.

01:17:55.000 He'll mock everybody ruthlessly.

01:17:58.000 You came to LA, I think it was January, and we did a super show.

01:18:02.000 Me, him, Tim Dillon, and Santino, all four of us, we each did like a half hour or whatever.

01:18:08.000 And at the end, all four of us went out with microphones and did like this super crowd work thing.

01:18:13.000 Wow.

01:18:14.000 And I would love, man, I remember they were recording it, but...

01:18:19.000 Who's recording it?

01:18:20.000 I think it may have been Schultz.

01:18:22.000 Oh, okay.

01:18:23.000 I gotta figure out where that video went.

01:18:26.000 Yeah.

01:18:26.000 Ask him.

01:18:27.000 Because we did some diabolical stuff.

01:18:29.000 I don't want to give anything away, but there was a Chinese woman named Shu we found out at one point in the front.

01:18:36.000 Me, Dylan, Santino, and Schultz.

01:18:38.000 All with microphones at once.

01:18:39.000 It was crazy.

01:18:40.000 That was back when people weren't as sensitive about pointing out that someone's Chinese.

01:18:44.000 Right.

01:18:44.000 In January, it was okay to be Chinese.

01:18:47.000 Yep, not anymore.

01:18:48.000 There's so many people that would get angry at someone for just being Chinese.

01:18:53.000 Yeah. 0.81

01:18:53.000 Wasn't there a senator that said something really crazy the other day, like, Chinese people have been stealing and lying for the last 5,000 years, like something like crazy over the top. 0.81

01:19:06.000 Oh, God.

01:19:08.000 And I remember reading that going, wow, imagine someone saying this before the pandemic.

01:19:14.000 Alright.

01:19:15.000 She got torn apart for it.

01:19:18.000 I mean, people were very, very, very upset with her.

01:19:22.000 Like, Chinese people. 1.00

01:19:23.000 There's a lot of, like, Chinese comments.

01:19:26.000 Michigan Senator says racist comments made during oversight hearing makes no sense.

01:19:31.000 She said it makes no sense?

01:19:33.000 I don't know.

01:19:34.000 I was trying to get...

01:19:38.000 Hey, did Rudy Giuliani, does he have the vid?

01:19:42.000 Yep.

01:19:43.000 He's got it.

01:19:43.000 Supposedly, yeah.

01:19:44.000 He does not look healthy.

01:19:48.000 He's been coughing for a long time, though, that guy. 0.99

01:19:50.000 They wanted to kill him. 0.98

01:19:51.000 They should just show him that scene in Borat over and over and over again. 0.94

01:19:54.000 In what?

01:19:55.000 Borat.

01:19:56.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:56.000 He's in the hospital.

01:19:58.000 They show him that scene in Borat over and over and over again.

01:20:01.000 Where they try to scam him.

01:20:02.000 He's just tucking his pants in.

01:20:04.000 Poor just old guy.

01:20:05.000 Bad back.

01:20:05.000 Trying to tuck his pants in.

01:20:07.000 They come in like he's jerking off. 0.99

01:20:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:09.000 So weird. 0.99

01:20:10.000 So weird, dude. 0.91

01:20:12.000 Borat is a goddamn funny movie, though. 0.97

01:20:14.000 Did you watch it? 0.99

01:20:15.000 Not the new one, no.

01:20:18.000 He still goes for it.

01:20:19.000 He still goes for it. 1.00

01:20:23.000 That fucking movie is... 1.00

01:20:24.000 There's some wild scenes in that movie. 1.00

01:20:28.000 What, the hair?

01:20:29.000 The hair dye? 1.00

01:20:29.000 Do you see the one where the hair dye drips into that black guy with the giant dick? 1.00

01:20:34.000 Leaning over the side of the bed? 1.00

01:20:37.000 Have you seen that one yet?

01:20:39.000 No?

01:20:40.000 Poor Rudy Giuliani.

01:20:42.000 That doesn't even make sense.

01:20:43.000 Why does he have hair dye and the hair that's on the side of his head?

01:20:47.000 He was once such a respected mayor.

01:20:50.000 He was.

01:20:51.000 It's not ending well, right?

01:20:52.000 Post 9-11, that guy was a hero.

01:20:55.000 He was.

01:20:56.000 A lot of people wanted him to be president.

01:20:57.000 Yeah.

01:20:58.000 Yeah.

01:21:01.000 Wow.

01:21:02.000 And then there's a lot of people that are in the Republican Party that don't like the way he's handling the case.

01:21:08.000 But you know what was really funny to me was that one lady who was testifying.

01:21:14.000 I think she was testifying.

01:21:16.000 She was Rudy Giuliani's star witness.

01:21:19.000 And she looked like she had literally just stepped off the bar, did a bump of coke, and just started talking and testifying. 0.99

01:21:28.000 She had glasses on.

01:21:31.000 She looked like she was a little trashed. 0.64

01:21:33.000 And look at her.

01:21:34.000 That's her. 0.88

01:21:35.000 You gotta hear her talk.

01:21:37.000 She's like, you know, she's talking about the balance.

01:21:39.000 What'd you guys do?

01:21:39.000 Something crazy with it?

01:21:40.000 That's what she said.

01:21:41.000 She was talking about, like, the numbers.

01:21:43.000 Like, you're gonna see some videos of her testifying.

01:21:45.000 You haven't seen this?

01:21:47.000 Uh-uh.

01:21:47.000 Well, come on.

01:21:48.000 You gotta watch this because it doesn't seem like a real person.

01:21:50.000 It seems literally like a Saturday Night Live sketch.

01:21:53.000 Like if a Saturday Night Live sketch was, let's take a lady from Staten Island who just got off work and she had a couple of cocktails. 1.00

01:21:59.000 Let's let her testify. 1.00

01:22:01.000 Like all these QAnon supporters that work in your office want to tell you, let me tell you something. 0.99

01:22:06.000 There's fucking gold underneath the White House and they're protecting it from the Iranians. 1.00

01:22:11.000 You gotta listen to this lady talk. 1.00

01:22:14.000 Listen to her.

01:22:15.000 Give me some volume.

01:22:16.000 Off by 30,000?

01:22:18.000 I'd say that poll book is off by over 100,000.

01:22:22.000 That poll book?

01:22:24.000 Why don't you look at the registered voters on there?

01:22:27.000 So, my question then is if the...

01:22:31.000 Guess how many...

01:22:31.000 Wait.

01:22:32.000 What about the turnout rate?

01:22:35.000 120%?

01:22:37.000 Rudy's banging there.

01:22:38.000 You know he's banging there.

01:22:38.000 Let's let Representative Johnson ask his question.

01:22:41.000 My question is, we're not seeing the poll book off by 30,000 votes.

01:22:45.000 That's not the case.

01:22:46.000 What did you guys do?

01:22:47.000 Take it and do something crazy to it?

01:22:53.000 What did you guys do?

01:22:54.000 This is like watching some sort of a...

01:22:56.000 They did Rudy Giuliani dirty in Borat. 0.99

01:23:00.000 Because they did make it look like he was jerking off. 0.99

01:23:02.000 Right. 0.97

01:23:03.000 He was just tucking his shirt in his pants after he took the microphone out. 0.99

01:23:08.000 You know, you take your microphone out, it's cords and shit. 0.98

01:23:10.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97

01:23:10.000 He had to tuck it back in. 0.97

01:23:12.000 So he's laying back, tucking his pants in, and...

01:23:15.000 Borat comes out.

01:23:16.000 And they slowed it down, too.

01:23:17.000 You know that, right?

01:23:18.000 Did they slow it down?

01:23:19.000 Yeah.

01:23:21.000 That girl, though, that played Borat's daughter.

01:23:24.000 First of all, there's no way he thought she was 15. That's horseshit. 0.99

01:23:28.000 That lady does not even look remotely 15. But she's so good. 1.00

01:23:33.000 Dude, there's a scene.

01:23:34.000 I don't want to say any more.

01:23:35.000 I don't want to give it away, but there's a scene at a dance where they go to a dance.

01:23:39.000 You saw it, right?

01:23:40.000 Oh, yeah.

01:23:40.000 Bro.

01:23:41.000 Bro, were you crying?

01:23:43.000 I was like...

01:23:44.000 Knowing how they probably filmed it, yeah.

01:23:46.000 I was crying.

01:23:47.000 That part probably happened.

01:23:49.000 Oh, it happened.

01:23:50.000 I was crying.

01:23:52.000 Wow.

01:23:53.000 There's some funny moments, man.

01:23:55.000 Some really funny moments.

01:23:57.000 The guy's a genius.

01:23:59.000 Oh, when he played Trump?

01:24:00.000 Yeah.

01:24:04.000 Yeah, that was good too.

01:24:05.000 That's him?

01:24:06.000 Yeah, it's him with a rubber face.

01:24:07.000 A whole rubber suit thing on.

01:24:09.000 It's good, dude.

01:24:10.000 It's really good.

01:24:11.000 There's some really funny moments.

01:24:13.000 He goes to a county fair and dresses up like this character and goes on stage with like... 0.95

01:24:19.000 He's got overalls on and fucking like a flannel shirt and he sings this horrific song about like injecting Obama with the Wuhan flu. 0.95

01:24:32.000 It's like, and he's getting people to sing along with it. 1.00

01:24:35.000 Chop him up like the Saudis do. 1.00

01:24:36.000 This is him. 0.75

01:24:37.000 Oh my god.

01:24:37.000 You want to hear it?

01:24:38.000 Yeah.

01:24:39.000 Oh, we can't play it, right?

01:24:39.000 No.

01:24:40.000 Yeah.

01:24:41.000 But it's on Amazon.

01:24:42.000 It's on Amazon Prime.

01:24:43.000 I'll watch it.

01:24:43.000 It's very good.

01:24:45.000 It's so ridiculous to watch people sing along with this thing. 0.77

01:24:48.000 I'm like, oh my god. 0.94

01:24:50.000 It's just so not fair.

01:24:52.000 It's so not fair.

01:24:53.000 First of all, they're at the county fair.

01:24:55.000 Second of all, they're probably drunk.

01:24:56.000 Third of all, they have no idea what this is. 1.00

01:24:58.000 They don't know what the fuck this is. 0.99

01:25:00.000 They just think it's silly. 1.00

01:25:01.000 Some guy's singing.

01:25:02.000 Everybody's singing along.

01:25:03.000 I'll sing along.

01:25:04.000 Chop them up like the Saudis do. 1.00

01:25:09.000 And the next thing you know, you're the punchline. 0.99

01:25:12.000 It's a crazy movie, man.

01:25:14.000 Yeah, he's great at what he does.

01:25:16.000 But they did Rudy Giuliani dirty.

01:25:18.000 That was unfair.

01:25:20.000 Just the way they depicted it to promote the movie.

01:25:24.000 I guess they did it because he works for Trump.

01:25:26.000 If anybody works for Trump, man, they're the enemy.

01:25:31.000 That's how people look at it.

01:25:33.000 I guess so.

01:25:34.000 What do you think?

01:25:35.000 He runs again in 2024?

01:25:36.000 Yeah.

01:25:37.000 He comes back smoother, less angry.

01:25:41.000 He figures out a way to explain things and realizes the things that tripped him up, corrects his game, or...

01:25:52.000 Someone else comes along that the rest of the Republicans support.

01:25:56.000 Maybe someone who shares some of his economic beliefs but is not so bombastic and someone who doesn't cause as many problems.

01:26:04.000 President Dan Crenshaw?

01:26:06.000 He could do it.

01:26:07.000 Yeah.

01:26:08.000 He's a very, very logical guy.

01:26:10.000 Very reasonable.

01:26:11.000 Who's a ooh? 0.99

01:26:12.000 What happened?

01:26:13.000 I'm trying to get this.

01:26:14.000 We just gotta fix Crenshaw's marijuana policy.

01:26:17.000 Yeah, he's got a goofy policy on marijuana.

01:26:20.000 I follow him on Instagram because I love him.

01:26:23.000 And he said the funniest thing the other day because he was talking about when the House passed the marijuana bill.

01:26:31.000 And he's like, you know, some of these, we have to really look at how marijuana operates.

01:26:36.000 He said, you know, someone might take an edible, for example, and an hour later try to drive their car.

01:26:43.000 It's true.

01:26:44.000 Right.

01:26:45.000 It's true.

01:26:46.000 And they're going to learn.

01:26:47.000 Right.

01:26:48.000 They can't drive.

01:26:49.000 The only people that would be scared by that are people that wouldn't have an edible, but exactly what you just said.

01:26:54.000 It's like, well, you learn immediately after sitting on the side of the road for three hours after that watching cars go by.

01:27:01.000 I can't, I can't, I can't.

01:27:05.000 Sounds like a nightmare.

01:27:06.000 It does sound like a nightmare.

01:27:09.000 He doesn't get high.

01:27:12.000 People who don't get high have this really crazy idea of what happens.

01:27:15.000 Dude, I've taken edibles to the point where I was basically in another dimension and gone to jiu-jitsu class.

01:27:22.000 And did really well.

01:27:23.000 Had a good day.

01:27:25.000 Yeah, man.

01:27:26.000 You don't lose your coordination at all.

01:27:30.000 I mean at all.

01:27:31.000 If you and I sat down, polished off a bottle of whiskey, and then I tried to do jujitsu, I would be sloppy and slow, and I'd probably miss things.

01:27:39.000 If I had to operate a drone or something, I'd probably have it crash into a tree.

01:27:46.000 Your hand-eye coordination's off.

01:27:47.000 Everything's off.

01:27:48.000 When you do marijuana, it's not off.

01:27:51.000 You just get weirded out and freaked out.

01:27:53.000 But your ability to move is no different.

01:27:56.000 Some people think it's enhanced because you're more sensitive.

01:28:01.000 I know a lot of people who like to smoke pot and lift weights.

01:28:04.000 Because they feel it in their muscle tissue.

01:28:07.000 They feel what's moving and what they're working on.

01:28:11.000 They can really tune in to the specific body part and how to do it right and how they're really hitting it perfectly and what happens when they hit it wrong.

01:28:18.000 100% with golf you have to remember like 25 things at once.

01:28:22.000 With your head, with your arms, with your hips, with your shoulders.

01:28:25.000 And marijuana is unbelievable with that.

01:28:28.000 You might be talking to squirrels in your golf cart in between shots, but like, you know, putting it all together...

01:28:35.000 The drive is a very coordinated movement.

01:28:39.000 It's really interesting to watch people do it, especially because I don't know how to do it.

01:28:43.000 I get to watch it purely without thinking about how I would do it.

01:28:47.000 I'm like, I see what he's doing.

01:28:49.000 You'd be great at it because you could just pop your hips, that central core.

01:28:53.000 You'd be crazy.

01:28:55.000 Yeah, I don't want to do it.

01:28:56.000 You should try it.

01:28:57.000 We should go to Topgolf.

01:28:58.000 Have you ever seen that place?

01:28:59.000 I've done that.

01:29:00.000 You have? 1.00

01:29:00.000 I've sent those motherfuckers flying. 1.00

01:29:02.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:29:02.000 Let's see that, man. 1.00

01:29:04.000 That's the videos that everyone wants to see.

01:29:06.000 You driving golf balls? 0.99

01:29:08.000 I could drive the fuck out of a golf ball. 0.99

01:29:10.000 Yeah, but I only hit it eight out of ten times. 1.00

01:29:13.000 Two out of ten times, I scalped that fucking floor. 0.99

01:29:17.000 Yeah, that happens. 0.99

01:29:18.000 That's part of it.

01:29:19.000 When you're starting out.

01:29:21.000 But when you hit it right, that feeling...

01:29:23.000 Tank! 0.98

01:29:24.000 Yeah, it's whoop!

01:29:25.000 You watch that thing.

01:29:29.000 Yeah.

01:29:30.000 There's one dude, I think we talked about him a few times, that does it where he steps to it and lifts his leg up.

01:29:36.000 He's like famous for it.

01:29:38.000 I think he's got the world's longest drive.

01:29:39.000 He has the world's longest, right?

01:29:41.000 Maybe.

01:29:42.000 Let me double check. 1.00

01:29:43.000 This motherfucker, he looks like an athlete. 1.00

01:29:45.000 He looks like he's a football player or something, like strong, big fucking guy. 1.00

01:29:49.000 And he throws his leg up and steps into it. 0.98

01:29:53.000 So like he throws, almost like a pitcher does.

01:29:55.000 You know, like a pitcher does that before they pitch?

01:29:57.000 He kind of does that before he steps in for the drive.

01:30:00.000 That makes sense. 0.99

01:30:01.000 And just sends him fucking flying. 0.98

01:30:03.000 He goes to those top golf places and just... 0.99

01:30:05.000 You see it hit the back net at the very top. 0.94

01:30:09.000 Like, ridiculous. 0.88

01:30:10.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:30:10.000 Just a ridiculous drive. 0.98

01:30:12.000 Here he is. 0.94

01:30:13.000 Look at this move.

01:30:16.000 Wow.

01:30:18.000 That's... 1.00

01:30:19.000 Silly. 1.00

01:30:20.000 Watch this. 1.00

01:30:21.000 Boom! 1.00

01:30:22.000 Look at that fucking ball. 1.00

01:30:23.000 Look how straight that goes. 1.00

01:30:24.000 He's a big fuck. 1.00

01:30:26.000 Look at that guy. 1.00

01:30:26.000 He's like, oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:30:29.000 I just need the balls to stay inside the net.

01:30:31.000 Yeah, they're not staying inside the net. 1.00

01:30:32.000 He's a big fuck. 1.00

01:30:33.000 Look at that dude. 1.00

01:30:34.000 That dude's stout.

01:30:35.000 What's his name?

01:30:36.000 The Swing Man is his name like online.

01:30:38.000 He's kind of a real name, right?

01:30:39.000 I'll look it up.

01:30:41.000 Why isn't Manny Pacquiao getting cracked?

01:30:42.000 What is Tim Dillon doing?

01:30:44.000 What are you looking at?

01:30:45.000 You're talking about him, so I had some stuff right here.

01:30:48.000 Go to the Instagram page.

01:30:50.000 Jamie's Tabs.

01:30:52.000 Does it say his name?

01:30:54.000 Jeremy Nowak.

01:30:55.000 There he is.

01:30:57.000 Wow. 1.00

01:30:57.000 That motherfucker can knock a golf ball. 1.00

01:31:00.000 He must suck at putting to not be a professional golfer. 1.00

01:31:05.000 That's the catch. 0.96

01:31:06.000 Because there's so many aspects of the sport.

01:31:10.000 Interesting.

01:31:11.000 Maybe just not accurate with that.

01:31:13.000 Yeah.

01:31:14.000 Maybe just to get that kind of distance. 0.93

01:31:16.000 Putting in itself is such a freaking head case of a game.

01:31:20.000 How good is Ron at golf? 0.94

01:31:22.000 Unbelievably great.

01:31:23.000 Really?

01:31:24.000 Yeah.

01:31:24.000 Unbelievable.

01:31:25.000 Plays a lot of golf.

01:31:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:27.000 And he's a fucking winner, man. 0.99

01:31:29.000 He's great. 1.00

01:31:30.000 Do you guys gamble?

01:31:30.000 No!

01:31:31.000 Me gamble with him?

01:31:32.000 Come on.

01:31:33.000 Don't golfers gamble?

01:31:34.000 Yeah, but I'm not near his league yet.

01:31:39.000 Golf's sort of like jujitsu in the way that it definitely takes time.

01:31:44.000 There's no like, even if you're a natural, it's still a nightmare.

01:31:48.000 Also, there's a rating, right?

01:31:49.000 Yeah.

01:31:50.000 That's interesting because there's kind of a rating for pool.

01:31:54.000 But it's not.

01:31:55.000 You know, it's like in amateur events, there's a rating.

01:32:00.000 Like the amateur events, there's like a B player, an A player, and there's like different ones that have like numbers.

01:32:08.000 I think it used to be, there was a league that I used to play in, in House of Billiards.

01:32:13.000 I forget.

01:32:15.000 I forget what the governing body of the league was, but there was like a number, like you're a 70, this guy's an 80, and so if he's an 80, he has to give you a ball or something like that, or has to give you one or two games on the wire or something like that.

01:32:28.000 But once you get to the professional level, there's no like some guys are this handicap, other guys are that handicap.

01:32:35.000 Like golf is so specific because you're playing your game.

01:32:41.000 You're not playing against someone.

01:32:42.000 You are in that they're scoring and you're scoring and trying to do better than them.

01:32:47.000 But they don't ever get to do anything to you.

01:32:50.000 Whereas with pool, you're playing, like a person can play safe.

01:32:55.000 A person can do, they can make a decision and leave you a really shitty shot.

01:32:59.000 They can do things that affect the game.

01:33:01.000 So you're genuinely playing that person.

01:33:05.000 I heard that Queen's Gambit on Netflix is supposed to be badass.

01:33:09.000 There's the pool rating thing.

01:33:10.000 Ah!

01:33:11.000 Fargo ratings.

01:33:12.000 Pockability ratings for the world.

01:33:14.000 I haven't seen that one.

01:33:16.000 That might be a new one.

01:33:17.000 213,000 players.

01:33:20.000 16 million games.

01:33:21.000 Not a lot of people play pool, man.

01:33:24.000 My golf clubs made it, but my pool sticks still in LA. So sad.

01:33:30.000 You don't care.

01:33:30.000 We'll get it back out.

01:33:31.000 First pot.

01:33:32.000 Maybe you'll never go back to LA. Maybe Kill Tony becomes a fucking worldwide success coming out of Austin. 1.00

01:33:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:40.000 And you're like, fuck you. 1.00

01:33:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:42.000 Could have someone pack all my stuff.

01:33:44.000 And then the zombie virus hits LA. And LA only.

01:33:49.000 It gets contained.

01:33:50.000 They put a big fence around Orange County.

01:33:54.000 It's rough there, man.

01:33:55.000 There's a couple shows like that where a giant wall gets put around L.A. I didn't see it, but...

01:34:00.000 I didn't see the zombie L.A. show past the first season, but the first season was good.

01:34:04.000 The fear of the walking dead?

01:34:06.000 The first season was good.

01:34:08.000 Really good acting.

01:34:10.000 Acting better than the other one, dare I say.

01:34:15.000 Do you remember anyone that was in it?

01:34:16.000 There's this lady who's the main lady. 1.00

01:34:19.000 I forget her name.

01:34:20.000 She's been in a million things. 0.99

01:34:22.000 She's really fucking good. 0.95

01:34:24.000 And then there's some people that are semi-famous. 0.99

01:34:28.000 But I think they try to keep...

01:34:30.000 I think with shows like that...

01:34:33.000 There's a real value in having a good actor that people don't know.

01:34:37.000 Yeah.

01:34:38.000 Because then you relate to the character more than Matthew McConaughey.

01:34:41.000 It's not Matthew McConaughey caught the zombie virus.

01:34:43.000 No, it's some guy that's really good.

01:34:46.000 You know, it's not a very well-known person.

01:34:49.000 Yeah.

01:34:49.000 Not that Matthew McConaughey wants to do a zombie show.

01:34:51.000 Right.

01:34:51.000 But I think a lot of these shows, they go out of their way to get people that are good actors but that don't have big names.

01:34:58.000 Yeah.

01:34:59.000 No, I agree.

01:35:00.000 So maybe you're like, oh, it's that guy.

01:35:01.000 I saw that guy in a movie once.

01:35:03.000 But it's not that's Chris Pratt.

01:35:07.000 I think about that a lot.

01:35:08.000 It's like you used to have guys come out of nowhere really back in the day.

01:35:14.000 Who knew who Michael Keaton was when Beetlejuice came out?

01:35:17.000 He was a comic.

01:35:18.000 He was on a television show before that.

01:35:21.000 Really?

01:35:21.000 Yeah.

01:35:22.000 Michael Keaton was on a sitcom.

01:35:24.000 I'm trying to think of what it was.

01:35:27.000 Mr. Something.

01:35:28.000 Right?

01:35:30.000 Hmm.

01:35:30.000 Mr. Big?

01:35:31.000 Is that a thing? 0.75

01:35:32.000 Goddammit, I don't remember.

01:35:33.000 But it was a sitcom.

01:35:35.000 Working.

01:35:36.000 Working.

01:35:37.000 What was it about?

01:35:38.000 Working Stiffs.

01:35:39.000 Working Stiffs?

01:35:41.000 He also did a little...

01:35:42.000 He was around.

01:35:44.000 The Tony Randall Show.

01:35:45.000 Tony Randall Show.

01:35:46.000 Let me just pop up with this.

01:35:48.000 He was a stand-up.

01:35:50.000 He was on Evening at the Improv.

01:35:52.000 Yeah, he's got a big neon at the comedy store.

01:35:55.000 All's fair in the Mary Tyler Moore hour, it says.

01:35:59.000 Yeah, he was around for a while.

01:36:01.000 And, you know, there's a lot of people that are really reluctant to accept him as Batman.

01:36:07.000 Hilarious.

01:36:08.000 Because he's kind of like this thin guy.

01:36:10.000 He's not jacked.

01:36:13.000 Might have been the best Batman ever.

01:36:15.000 Without a doubt.

01:36:16.000 Might have been the best Batman ever.

01:36:19.000 No question about it.

01:36:20.000 And that's including Christian Bale.

01:36:21.000 Yeah.

01:36:22.000 Not only was he the best Batman, he was also the best Bruce Wayne.

01:36:26.000 Believable.

01:36:27.000 Glasses, tip of his nose.

01:36:28.000 Yeah.

01:36:29.000 Researching. 1.00

01:36:29.000 You know, they all had a stupid, fake voice, though. 1.00

01:36:33.000 There he is. 1.00

01:36:34.000 Oh, Batman, he's had a fucking fake voice. 0.99

01:36:37.000 Did you see The Founder? 0.99

01:36:38.000 Whoa, he's being considered for a Batman role.

01:36:41.000 There's a TV, I think he was going to be on the TV show.

01:36:44.000 Who's he going to be?

01:36:45.000 No, Batman, there's like a TV show.

01:36:47.000 Oh.

01:36:48.000 The flag he has is going to pop up in The Flash, I think is what I heard.

01:36:51.000 Wow, he is in talks to play Batman.

01:36:55.000 That's crazy.

01:36:56.000 This was in the summer, they talked about it, yeah.

01:36:58.000 Wow.

01:36:59.000 We see you're using an ad blocker, Jamie.

01:37:01.000 Yeah.

01:37:07.000 Backlash.

01:37:09.000 Who is the worst Batman?

01:37:10.000 The least believable?

01:37:12.000 Clooney.

01:37:13.000 Ben Affleck.

01:37:14.000 Yeah.

01:37:15.000 Clooney?

01:37:15.000 Ben Affleck.

01:37:16.000 Affleck?

01:37:16.000 Ah, well.

01:37:18.000 Both of them.

01:37:18.000 How about that?

01:37:19.000 I think Affleck has to take it, but I don't even...

01:37:22.000 Affleck's doing it still.

01:37:23.000 That's the problem.

01:37:24.000 Really?

01:37:24.000 Yeah.

01:37:25.000 They're doing a new movie now and Affleck's Batman again.

01:37:29.000 He's Ben Affleck.

01:37:30.000 He's not Batman.

01:37:32.000 He's Ben Affleck.

01:37:33.000 I don't not like Ben Affleck.

01:37:35.000 I like Ben Affleck.

01:37:36.000 But that's not Batman.

01:37:38.000 They also have the guy from Twilight as going to be him too, right?

01:37:42.000 Oh yes!

01:37:43.000 Pattinson.

01:37:44.000 Yeah.

01:37:45.000 Again, that's the guy from Twilight.

01:37:47.000 That's not Batman.

01:37:48.000 Affleck is taking Michael Keaton's spot in The Flash.

01:37:52.000 A month later, they announce Affleck's going to be him.

01:37:55.000 Who knows?

01:37:56.000 They need a new guy.

01:37:58.000 You need a new guy who's jacked. 0.93

01:38:02.000 Me after I get on testosterone. 0.55

01:38:05.000 You're going to need a few years.

01:38:06.000 I could be Robin now, though.

01:38:09.000 You could.

01:38:11.000 The original one, it's so funny, because there was the Batman comic books that were very 1950s, that sort of style.

01:38:21.000 And then there was the Batman, those illustrated books.

01:38:28.000 What do they call those?

01:38:29.000 Graphic novels. 0.96

01:38:30.000 The graphic novels were very different because then the graphic novels, it was very dark and very, like, really cool, really well-drawn and, like, heavy-duty shit. 0.53

01:38:41.000 Like, it was a different Batman. 0.96

01:38:42.000 Like, Batman was jacked. 0.99

01:38:44.000 And, you know, there's like a lot of like serious storylines and a lot of heavy-duty shit. 0.99

01:38:50.000 Now, that was the Batman that sort of existed. 0.98

01:38:55.000 That was the Dark Knight.

01:38:56.000 That was like the Christian Bale Batman.

01:38:59.000 That kind of made sense. 0.83

01:39:01.000 But the original Batman for TV was ridiculous. 0.80

01:39:04.000 Look at him. 0.95

01:39:05.000 Look how he's dressed.

01:39:07.000 Everything.

01:39:08.000 Jeremiah after the weight gain challenge.

01:39:11.000 The dude looked like he never worked out. 0.96

01:39:13.000 He had this ridiculous belt on. 1.00

01:39:15.000 He had silly shorts on. 0.99

01:39:18.000 The cape. 1.00

01:39:20.000 The show was so dumb. 1.00

01:39:22.000 Look at his muscles. 1.00

01:39:23.000 They're non-existent.

01:39:24.000 Wow.

01:39:26.000 Even the suit, it's like so campy and corny.

01:39:29.000 But it was that way on purpose.

01:39:30.000 Like when you punch guys, you'd see like a BAM in front of the screen.

01:39:33.000 Do you remember Batman? 0.82

01:39:34.000 You're too young.

01:39:36.000 Did you watch it at all?

01:39:37.000 Yeah, I would like play on the Adult Swim or whatever.

01:39:42.000 Batman!

01:39:43.000 It was so corny.

01:39:47.000 It was so campy and corny.

01:39:50.000 But that's what it was.

01:39:52.000 And then when they went to Michael Keaton, that movie was very different.

01:39:56.000 It was brooding.

01:39:57.000 And then when you get to Heath Ledger, when Heath Ledger's playing Batman...

01:40:01.000 He was the Joker. 1.00

01:40:02.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:40:02.000 Excuse me, the Joker. 1.00

01:40:03.000 When he was playing the Joker against Batman, rather, you're getting this violent...

01:40:09.000 Weird sort of character that is interacting with Batman and taking over the city.

01:40:14.000 There's half face. 0.99

01:40:16.000 Literally half his face is fucking seared off. 0.99

01:40:19.000 Incredible. 0.99

01:40:20.000 Hans Zimmer stepped it up on that one too.

01:40:22.000 The music.

01:40:22.000 Mr. Freeze.

01:40:24.000 Wow.

01:40:25.000 The Freeze Meister.

01:40:26.000 Wow.

01:40:27.000 Who is he supposed to be?

01:40:28.000 Yeah.

01:40:28.000 It's Mr. Freeze.

01:40:29.000 That's the name?

01:40:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:40:30.000 Yeah.

01:40:31.000 Those were terrible.

01:40:32.000 That was the Clooney one, right?

01:40:34.000 Yes.

01:40:35.000 That was like, let's get as many famous people as we can in a movie. 0.99

01:40:37.000 Let's just throw as much shit against the wall as we can, see what sticks. 0.98

01:40:41.000 They're right there, actually. 1.00

01:40:42.000 Jim Carrey.

01:40:43.000 Wasn't Michelle Pfeiffer in that, too?

01:40:45.000 Uh, yeah.

01:40:47.000 She was poisoned.

01:40:47.000 No, that was the one before.

01:40:48.000 She was in the Michael Keaton one where she was a Bat-cat woman member. 1.00

01:40:53.000 Is that George Clooney?

01:40:54.000 Yes.

01:40:54.000 He looks good.

01:40:56.000 Looks like a good Batman.

01:40:57.000 It's weird.

01:40:58.000 They totally redid the suit.

01:41:00.000 They gave him some fake abs. 0.98

01:41:03.000 Fake titties. 0.98

01:41:05.000 It's very odd. 0.98

01:41:07.000 It's very odd, you know?

01:41:10.000 DC's always played second fiddle to Marvel.

01:41:13.000 I think so, right?

01:41:14.000 When I was a kid and I was a comic book collector, I enjoyed some DC comics, but I enjoyed way more Marvel.

01:41:20.000 I was a Marvel guy.

01:41:23.000 They had Doctor Strange.

01:41:25.000 They had Blade.

01:41:26.000 I loved Blade.

01:41:28.000 That's the vampire slayer that Wesley Snipes played.

01:41:31.000 That was a comic book for a long time.

01:41:33.000 They had Conan.

01:41:34.000 They had Conan the Barbarian in the comic book.

01:41:36.000 They had the Avengers.

01:41:38.000 They had the X-Men.

01:41:40.000 They had the Fantastic Four.

01:41:41.000 They had everything.

01:41:42.000 They had all the cool ones.

01:41:43.000 They had Spider-Man.

01:41:44.000 They had the Hulk.

01:41:45.000 They had Iron Man.

01:41:48.000 For whatever reason.

01:41:50.000 DC had some cool ones.

01:41:51.000 But Superman? 0.98

01:41:52.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:41:54.000 Get the fuck out of here, bro. 1.00

01:41:57.000 Right. 1.00

01:41:57.000 He was the king for the longest time, right? 1.00

01:42:01.000 He was the king until the Marvel ones started coming out.

01:42:03.000 And then they're like, yeah, that is kind of corny.

01:42:06.000 This guy's from another planet, comes down here, and all he wants to do is help people.

01:42:10.000 Batman's not even super.

01:42:12.000 No, he's just rich.

01:42:13.000 He's just rich, so he's even cornier. 1.00

01:42:14.000 Fucks up with fucking poor people. 1.00

01:42:17.000 Right, he finds poor people that are just trying to get by, sell a little drugs, Batman comes in and kicks your balls off. 1.00

01:42:26.000 No, he was, you know, the Joker's obviously an evil villain. 0.97

01:42:31.000 That's a good foil for Batman.

01:42:33.000 Yeah.

01:42:34.000 The best Joker, though, is Joaquin Phoenix.

01:42:39.000 He's the best joker.

01:42:40.000 They just made that guy up almost.

01:42:43.000 He lost like 50 pounds to play that role. 0.98

01:42:47.000 He existed on this really fucking strict diet to get his body into this really creepy shape. 1.00

01:42:54.000 He's a bad motherfucker, that guy. 1.00

01:42:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:57.000 That movie, whether you like it or not, and here's what I don't like about that movie. 1.00

01:43:00.000 That movie inspired a lot of fucking losers to start smashing windows when the looting started. 0.99

01:43:06.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:43:07.000 They're like, it's real!

01:43:09.000 It's real! 0.99

01:43:10.000 Guys who've been wearing the same underwear for a month just ran outside with cans of gasoline and fucking rocks to throw through Payless. 1.00

01:43:19.000 These assholes, they're just so happy. 1.00

01:43:21.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:43:22.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:43:22.000 Fuck you and everything you've worked for! 1.00

01:43:24.000 We're gonna take America back! 1.00

01:43:27.000 This portrayal and the celebration of attacking the wealthy and killing the elite and killing the government and when he shot that dude in the head right on that television show. 0.92

01:43:39.000 Spoiler alert.

01:43:41.000 That movie was a catalyst, I think, in a lot of ways for violence.

01:43:45.000 And I'm not blaming them for violence, and I loved the movie.

01:43:48.000 I thought it was really good. 1.00

01:43:50.000 I left that movie going, that dude is a bad motherfucker. 0.99

01:43:53.000 And they have Todd Phillips, the guy who made the Hangover movies, directs this? 1.00

01:43:58.000 Like, what a beast! 0.99

01:44:00.000 But then I remember thinking, man, if they think video games cause violence, that fucking movie... 1.00

01:44:05.000 And my wife said the same thing. 0.99

01:44:06.000 She goes, you know, we're not that far away from that.

01:44:08.000 I go, I know, we're not that far away from that.

01:44:10.000 This is pre-pandemic. 0.81

01:44:12.000 Then once the pandemic came and then the looting started and then all the craziness, I remember having a conversation with my family where we were like, let's get the fuck out of here.

01:44:23.000 And everybody was like, you're just talking.

01:44:25.000 And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. 0.99

01:44:27.000 I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. 0.51

01:44:28.000 Like, I see where this is going. 0.94

01:44:30.000 I see where this...

01:44:31.000 And then the lockdowns and all the businesses shutting down, all the restaurants shutting down.

01:44:36.000 I'm like, I see where this is going.

01:44:38.000 Yeah.

01:44:39.000 It's bad.

01:44:41.000 That looting really took a lot out of it for me.

01:44:44.000 Well, you live in a prime looting area.

01:44:46.000 That's the problem.

01:44:48.000 Like, where you live, there was a shitload of looting across the street from your apartment.

01:44:53.000 You used to tell me how you loved your neighborhood.

01:44:56.000 Like, I could walk here and go have lunch.

01:44:58.000 I would go there.

01:44:59.000 I knew people.

01:45:00.000 It was really cool.

01:45:02.000 It's a great place.

01:45:03.000 It's a hub.

01:45:04.000 There's a lot of activity.

01:45:05.000 And then the looting just took it all away from you.

01:45:09.000 Yeah.

01:45:09.000 And the thing that made it great is it was all small businesses.

01:45:13.000 Real inspirational energies.

01:45:16.000 And gone.

01:45:18.000 Completely, completely wiped away.

01:45:21.000 Even the most successful restaurant in my neighborhood, the one that was always packed, is now covered with boards.

01:45:29.000 Covered with boards.

01:45:30.000 Closed and boarded up for their own protection.

01:45:34.000 And I'm telling you, the psychological...

01:45:38.000 The vibe of that for the entire neighborhood is crazy.

01:45:42.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:45:43.000 How many people were depressed already before the pandemic?

01:45:49.000 How many people were suffering from depression?

01:45:51.000 It's a common ailment.

01:45:54.000 It's a real problem with people.

01:45:58.000 Especially now.

01:45:59.000 It's only going that direction.

01:46:03.000 I had a weird conversation with someone about that.

01:46:05.000 They're like, do you think that depression is something that people can fix on their own without medication?

01:46:15.000 And I said, I think there's a lot of cases where people could probably fix their depression.

01:46:21.000 But depression is one of those weird things where we don't look specifically at the disease itself or what it is itself, whatever you want to call it, the condition itself.

01:46:33.000 We look at how'd you get there.

01:46:35.000 How about you pull yourself up?

01:46:36.000 How about you figure this out?

01:46:38.000 Because it's a feeling, a malady of the mind, and because it's an illness of the mind, we hold the person who has that illness responsible for it somewhat.

01:46:49.000 It's very strange. 1.00

01:46:50.000 Because everything else, even people that have liver cancer, like, oh, did you drink your fucking 20s and 30s away, asshole? 1.00

01:46:58.000 Now you've got liver cancer? 1.00

01:46:59.000 Yeah, well...

01:47:01.000 That's what happens.

01:47:02.000 When we see people with liver cancer, we give them chemotherapy, we treat them, we feel bad for them.

01:47:07.000 Do you hear Mike's mom has liver cancer?

01:47:09.000 Like, oh no.

01:47:10.000 You feel bad that she did something horrible and ruined her life, but you don't want to bring it up a lot.

01:47:17.000 You want to go, well, shouldn't have been boozing.

01:47:19.000 You know, hey, maybe get your life together.

01:47:21.000 And then get on some medication.

01:47:25.000 It's a weird illness where it's like...

01:47:28.000 We all know that attitude is malleable.

01:47:32.000 You can have a good attitude or a bad attitude.

01:47:35.000 You can make some changes in your life sometimes, and they affect everything you do in the future.

01:47:40.000 Just changes where you decide to be happier and healthier by whatever means you think is the most effective.

01:47:47.000 And then you see you get better.

01:47:49.000 You see you're happier than you used to be, but you used to be depressed.

01:47:51.000 And then people, why don't you do what Mike did?

01:47:54.000 Mike did it.

01:47:55.000 Yeah.

01:47:55.000 He didn't like what he was doing, so he lost weight, started drinking water, started walking around the block and jogging, started entering marathons.

01:48:01.000 Now he's super happy.

01:48:03.000 Now he's successful.

01:48:04.000 Do what Mike did.

01:48:06.000 It's not that easy.

01:48:07.000 Right.

01:48:26.000 And there's a lot of us out there that didn't get taught how to do that.

01:48:32.000 I got very fortunate.

01:48:33.000 I figured out how to move even when I don't want to very early on.

01:48:37.000 Get things done even when I don't want to very early on.

01:48:40.000 But a lot of people never get taught that.

01:48:42.000 They never get taught that.

01:48:44.000 And then they get depressed.

01:48:46.000 And so you can say, well, why don't you just do this?

01:48:48.000 Or why don't you just do that?

01:48:49.000 But it's almost...

01:48:53.000 It's almost never going to happen when you do that. 0.79

01:48:56.000 A person needs to, there has to be, it's almost like they're trapped in a tunnel, or a cave rather, and they're trying to figure out a way out, and they find this little pop fucking hole of sunlight coming through.

01:49:08.000 Like, look, up there, up there!

01:49:10.000 And you climb up to the top, like, you fucking shift your way out, and you get above the top, and then you can get through. 0.83

01:49:17.000 But if you don't find a ray of light, You just keep living. 0.92

01:49:22.000 You just keep doing what you're doing and being more and more depressed and you never get out of it.

01:49:27.000 And you look for more and more distractions and so now you're farther away from the cure.

01:49:33.000 And it gets harder to get out of bed.

01:49:35.000 Like literally get out of bed.

01:49:38.000 It gets harder to even, not only that, but...

01:49:41.000 Pull the blinds up to even let sunlight in to even begin getting out of the bed.

01:49:45.000 And time just flows and flies.

01:49:47.000 That's why shows like My 600-lb Life are important.

01:49:51.000 Because that guy wasn't 600 pounds when he was born.

01:49:54.000 So what happened?

01:49:56.000 How did it get there?

01:49:59.000 Obviously, he's not healthy.

01:50:00.000 How did he get there?

01:50:02.000 Obviously, he ate way too much food and he didn't move.

01:50:05.000 He's still stuck in this trailer somewhere.

01:50:07.000 How did this happen?

01:50:09.000 Because that is what can happen to people.

01:50:11.000 It might not be what can happen to you, but whoever you are... 1.00

01:50:17.000 It's a bunch of shit, man. 1.00

01:50:19.000 It's not just you. 1.00

01:50:20.000 You're not like a mug.

01:50:22.000 See that mug?

01:50:23.000 That mug is a mug.

01:50:24.000 It is what it is. 0.99

01:50:24.000 There's different shit that's in it, but what it is, it is. 0.99

01:50:27.000 You're not a Tony. 0.98

01:50:29.000 You know, you're Tony in relationship to your life, to the people that you love, to what you're doing for a living, what your commute is like, how much money you're making, what kind of stress are you under, what kind of friends do you have,

01:50:46.000 what good experiences have you had, what bad experiences have you had, what trauma have you had, what injuries have you suffered?

01:50:52.000 That's what you are.

01:50:54.000 Yeah.

01:50:54.000 To think you're this one thing, I kind of know you.

01:50:58.000 I know you very well.

01:51:00.000 You're a great friend.

01:51:01.000 But I kind of know which version of you I'm going to see every day.

01:51:05.000 There's a range that you have that Jamie has and I have that we all have.

01:51:09.000 There's a range of who you are.

01:51:11.000 And it's based on all sorts of different fluctuating factors, man.

01:51:16.000 But the depression thing is a weird one because we blame the people for it. 0.98

01:51:21.000 It's fucking weird.

01:51:23.000 It's also interesting because maybe they acknowledge it and maybe they are getting help and it can also be worse than... 0.98

01:51:33.000 Doctors can analyze, unlike something that you can test and see.

01:51:37.000 Like, oh, the tumor has gotten bigger.

01:51:39.000 Right.

01:51:39.000 You've got a broken arm.

01:51:40.000 We need to fix you up like Tom Segura. 0.95

01:51:43.000 It could also, since it's a mental illness, it can disguise itself.

01:51:49.000 Just like how physically sometimes someone will feel better when they end up at a doctor's office for something.

01:51:55.000 And they're like, well, you know what?

01:51:55.000 It doesn't really hurt as much as it did yesterday or whatever.

01:51:58.000 It's the same thing with...

01:52:00.000 Hey dude, should we call Tom Segura on the podcast?

01:52:02.000 Let's do it.

01:52:03.000 Yeah.

01:52:04.000 Should we see if he'll come on the podcast?

01:52:07.000 For whatever reason, I just got a crazy idea.

01:52:09.000 We're talking about injuries and being depressed.

01:52:12.000 I don't know if he's depressed, but I know he's got to be kind of bummed out.

01:52:21.000 I wonder which army answers the phone with.

01:52:24.000 His right arm.

01:52:26.000 It's the one that's not broken.

01:52:28.000 Oh, he broke his left arm?

01:52:29.000 Yeah.

01:52:31.000 You're happy now, right? 1.00

01:52:32.000 Wipe your ass, jerk off easy. 1.00

01:52:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:34.000 You don't have to relearn how to write.

01:52:37.000 Relearning how to write is rough.

01:52:38.000 It's been forwarded to...

01:52:39.000 Oh, God.

01:52:45.000 Maybe.

01:52:45.000 I'll leave it right there in case he calls back.

01:52:48.000 Poor Tommy Bunz.

01:52:49.000 I called him the day of the injury because I saw his post on Twitter.

01:52:57.000 Looks like surgery was a slam dunk.

01:53:00.000 These are just the issues one has when you're really, really, really strong.

01:53:07.000 So funny. 0.99

01:53:09.000 His knee's fucked. 1.00

01:53:11.000 Yikes. 1.00

01:53:12.000 His entire left side.

01:53:14.000 I know, right?

01:53:16.000 Knee and arm. 1.00

01:53:17.000 Takes a long time to recover from that shit. 1.00

01:53:21.000 But Whitney Cummings, anything for attention. 1.00

01:53:25.000 Look at Bert Grazer.

01:53:27.000 Looks like the surgery was a slam dunk, all caps.

01:53:31.000 It's so rude.

01:53:32.000 How do you put up Bert 2, Tom 0 in their challenges?

01:53:35.000 Oh my god.

01:53:36.000 That's hilarious.

01:53:38.000 Well, he wins.

01:53:39.000 Bert wins.

01:53:40.000 Yeah.

01:53:41.000 Tom's got to bow down now.

01:53:43.000 He's got to bow down. 0.93

01:53:45.000 The tennis thing apparently was ridiculous. 0.97

01:53:46.000 I didn't see it, but Bert, according to Tom, Tom took all these classes to learn how to play tennis and everything, and he talked to his coach right before they played, and the coach said, the only thing that would fuck you over is if he has, like, a world-class serve. 0.93

01:54:01.000 And it's like, he probably doesn't have a world-class serve.

01:54:03.000 He's got a world-class serve.

01:54:04.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

01:54:05.000 Apparently, Bert Kreischer hits the fucking ball like a Division I player in college. 1.00

01:54:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:11.000 And he's hung over his shit. 1.00

01:54:13.000 And he's hung over. 1.00

01:54:14.000 And he's fat.

01:54:15.000 And he didn't have a shirt on, probably. 0.98

01:54:16.000 And apparently his serve is preposterous.

01:54:20.000 Wow.

01:54:21.000 Yeah, like, world-class serve.

01:54:24.000 That's so funny.

01:54:28.000 I can't believe it.

01:54:29.000 Because he practiced so hard for that.

01:54:32.000 Tom did.

01:54:33.000 Tom did.

01:54:34.000 Wow.

01:54:34.000 And Burt just owned him.

01:54:36.000 Yeah, I guess Burt's good at golf, too, from what I understand.

01:54:39.000 We're supposed to do this big golf tournament coming up. 0.93

01:54:42.000 His coach specifically said, unless he's one of those John Daly types, he's not really athletic, but he's just fucking really good at things.

01:54:49.000 He goes, oh, he's exactly one of those John Daly types. 0.94

01:54:52.000 Unbelievable.

01:54:56.000 He calls it the Mickey Mantle gene. 0.93

01:55:00.000 Silly Bert.

01:55:01.000 You can kind of see him serving there. 0.58

01:55:03.000 I can't believe that Tom broke both his arm and his leg, though. 1.00

01:55:06.000 That is so fucked. 1.00

01:55:08.000 Wow. 1.00

01:55:10.000 Oh, he really is.

01:55:12.000 Oh, he can play.

01:55:12.000 You can see by his technique.

01:55:14.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:55:14.000 Look at him there. 1.00

01:55:15.000 His technique's excellent.

01:55:17.000 And you know, he runs, so his legs are probably in pretty decent shape.

01:55:22.000 Even though he's kind of heavy, he can carry his body around.

01:55:26.000 Wow.

01:55:27.000 Kreischer versus Segura.

01:55:28.000 Apparently he just destroyed him.

01:55:30.000 Winner takes all.

01:55:31.000 Yeah, not good.

01:55:32.000 Not good for Tom.

01:55:36.000 And Tom has been boxing a lot.

01:55:38.000 And briefly, the idea was to banter it around.

01:55:41.000 I go, nah, you shouldn't fight him.

01:55:44.000 I go, you guys shouldn't have a fight.

01:55:45.000 I go, that would be too weird. 0.99

01:55:46.000 Like, what if one of you got knocked the fuck out? 0.97

01:55:48.000 Like, you don't want that. 0.99

01:55:49.000 Like, one of you gives the other one brain damage.

01:55:51.000 For the rest of the person's life, they have an earache.

01:55:54.000 They have a headache.

01:55:56.000 No matter what, bright lights hurt.

01:55:59.000 Who do you think would do that to the other? 0.97

01:56:00.000 Who do you think would win?

01:56:01.000 Huh?

01:56:01.000 I don't want to say.

01:56:03.000 Yeah, you have to say.

01:56:04.000 We already know the answer.

01:56:08.000 One's a world-class athlete and the other can't move half his body right now.

01:56:13.000 World-class athlete is hilarious.

01:56:15.000 Apparently Tom broke his knee by dunking though.

01:56:17.000 Apparently Tom can dunk.

01:56:19.000 Wow.

01:56:20.000 You don't believe it?

01:56:21.000 It's a nine foot hoop.

01:56:22.000 Yeah.

01:56:23.000 How big was the trampoline?

01:56:25.000 I don't know if he had a trampoline either.

01:56:26.000 He didn't say that.

01:56:27.000 He just said it was a nine foot hoop. 1.00

01:56:29.000 This fucking guy. 1.00

01:56:30.000 He's out there like the Phoenix Suns gorilla mascot. 1.00

01:56:35.000 Well, you know, he's another guy that is capable of a lot more than people would think.

01:56:42.000 He, when we were doing that fitness challenge, he had a day where he came back after being sick for like three days.

01:56:48.000 He had the flu. 0.97

01:56:50.000 So he was feeling like shit for like three days. 0.98

01:56:52.000 And then he ran 13 and a half miles. 0.99

01:56:54.000 Because he was trying to catch up.

01:56:56.000 13 and a half miles. 1.00

01:56:59.000 Like, he's a strong fuck too. 0.99

01:57:02.000 Here's him doing deadlifts, right? 1.00

01:57:03.000 Yeah.

01:57:04.000 Is it training Tom Segura to beat Joe Rogan in Sober October?

01:57:08.000 That's cute.

01:57:09.000 That's hilarious.

01:57:10.000 Clickbait. 0.99

01:57:12.000 There was a talk about doing some sort of weight lifting competition, but I was telling them, I go, okay, but you gotta understand that we are old fucks. 0.93

01:57:21.000 And the idea of lifting the most weight, this is not working out. 0.95

01:57:26.000 Okay, this is a competition.

01:57:27.000 If you're just gonna say who can lift the most weight, there's a considerable likelihood that someone's gonna get hurt.

01:57:36.000 So I think the idea wasn't that we would try to lift the same amount together.

01:57:40.000 I think the idea was like we would find out where we're at, like what's your max, and then you would add to it.

01:57:46.000 The problem with that is they're gonna sandbag.

01:57:50.000 Yeah.

01:57:51.000 They're gonna pretend.

01:57:52.000 Right.

01:57:53.000 And yours is...

01:57:54.000 They tried it out when we were drunk on Sober October.

01:57:57.000 Yeah, they all got under the bench.

01:57:59.000 There was 225 pounds on the bench.

01:58:02.000 None of those pipsqueaks could lift 225 pounds. 0.93

01:58:06.000 Really?

01:58:06.000 Neither one of them?

01:58:07.000 None of them.

01:58:08.000 Not the three of them.

01:58:09.000 They all got pinned there.

01:58:10.000 Like, just victims.

01:58:12.000 Wow.

01:58:13.000 Dying.

01:58:14.000 Being crushed by the weight of 225 pounds.

01:58:17.000 But benching is a very specific thing.

01:58:19.000 If you don't do that, and I don't even do that.

01:58:21.000 I do just do push-ups.

01:58:23.000 I don't bench.

01:58:24.000 When I bench, I've found I hurt my shoulders easier when I do a lot of bench pressing.

01:58:29.000 I like to do dips.

01:58:31.000 I like to do push-ups.

01:58:34.000 And I do weighted push-ups.

01:58:35.000 I'll do elevated push-ups.

01:58:37.000 But I do a lot of push-ups. 0.85

01:58:38.000 It seems like there's something about that motion, like weighted, with a lot of weight, a lot of guys wind up fucking up their shoulders. 0.70

01:58:46.000 I don't know what that is, you know, what the cause of it is.

01:58:50.000 Some press, pressure on the tendons, just something about it, but it's a really common injury.

01:58:55.000 And I know a lot of people that avoid it.

01:58:57.000 They avoid bench pressing because of that. 1.00

01:58:59.000 But not 225 pounds, you weak bitches. 1.00

01:59:02.000 Right. 1.00

01:59:02.000 I can put that up. 1.00

01:59:04.000 That's just, just throw it up.

01:59:07.000 Yeah.

01:59:08.000 I mean, I couldn't do it, but at my weight class, that would be sort of an anomaly.

01:59:15.000 Well, with Tom and Bert and those guys, it's basically their body weight.

01:59:18.000 It's a little bit less rather than their body weight.

01:59:20.000 But if they wanted to do that...

01:59:24.000 They would probably be really strong really quick.

01:59:26.000 They're big dudes.

01:59:27.000 They'd probably be stronger than me pretty quickly.

01:59:31.000 They're both a lot bigger than me.

01:59:33.000 They're big dudes.

01:59:34.000 But to do it in a competition, this was just what I was getting to.

01:59:40.000 You're going to get hurt.

01:59:41.000 If you just decide at 46 years old you're going to lift the most amount you can, you're going to blow something out.

01:59:48.000 You're doing deadlifts.

01:59:50.000 What's he got here?

01:59:51.000 Three plates plus 50. So, 315, 365?

01:59:56.000 That's a lot of weight. 0.99

01:59:58.000 He's strong as fuck like this. 0.99

01:59:59.000 Watch this. 0.99

02:00:01.000 That's a lot of weight, man.

02:00:04.000 Wow.

02:00:04.000 Look at him.

02:00:05.000 Look at him go.

02:00:07.000 From bread lifts to dead lifts.

02:00:09.000 But my point is, if we decided to do that as a competition, if everyone was honest about how much they can actually weigh a lift, and we tried to do that as a competition, there's a huge likelihood someone's going to blow a knee out.

02:00:20.000 A huge likelihood.

02:00:21.000 Someone's going to tear their shoulder.

02:00:23.000 Depends on what the lifts are.

02:00:24.000 You know, like clean and press. 0.99

02:00:26.000 You want to do Olympic shit? 1.00

02:00:27.000 Clean and press. 1.00

02:00:28.000 There's such a good chance that us old fucks are going to blow our shoulders out or blow our backs out. 0.99

02:00:34.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:00:35.000 The Sober October challenge that we did was a good one because it was just cardio.

02:00:39.000 It was just willpower.

02:00:41.000 It was just who's willing to do 80% of your max heart rate the longest.

02:00:45.000 You guys didn't do that this year?

02:00:47.000 No.

02:00:48.000 No.

02:00:48.000 I was the only one who did the Sober October thing this year.

02:00:52.000 And everyone mocked me.

02:00:53.000 I did a podcast with Ari recently. 1.00

02:00:55.000 He's like, you fucking loser. 1.00

02:00:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:00:59.000 It's like, ah, you fucking idiot. 1.00

02:01:01.000 Why'd you do that? 1.00

02:01:02.000 The whole month you were sober.

02:01:04.000 Oh, good job.

02:01:06.000 Sounds rough.

02:01:08.000 I've been deep into drinking the past month.

02:01:11.000 It's been so much fun.

02:01:12.000 Just like better drinks.

02:01:13.000 I've gotten into cold sake.

02:01:16.000 Nigiri? 1.00

02:01:17.000 Drinking's fun.

02:01:18.000 Yeah.

02:01:19.000 You ever have cold sake?

02:01:22.000 Yeah, I've had hockey a bunch of different ways.

02:01:24.000 Yeah.

02:01:24.000 That's great.

02:01:25.000 Yeah.

02:01:26.000 You know who got the most fit during Sober October was Ari. 1.00

02:01:29.000 That was the most impressive.

02:01:31.000 Ari became obsessed.

02:01:32.000 He was really legitimately trying to win.

02:01:34.000 And he got a six-pack.

02:01:36.000 He lost a ton of weight.

02:01:37.000 He became shredded.

02:01:38.000 Towards the end of Sober October, one month.

02:01:40.000 One month of hard training.

02:01:42.000 Ari was shredded. 0.62

02:01:43.000 Huh.

02:01:44.000 Like, if he just decided to work out all the time, he'd be shredded.

02:01:47.000 Did he stop doing yoga online?

02:01:50.000 I don't know.

02:01:51.000 He started that when it started up.

02:01:53.000 That's not enough, though.

02:01:54.000 He needs, like, real workouts.

02:01:55.000 Like, the kind of stuff he was doing online, that's good.

02:01:58.000 But you need some weightlifting.

02:02:00.000 Like, as you get older.

02:02:01.000 One of the good things about when you get older, you lose bone mass.

02:02:05.000 Look at him go there.

02:02:06.000 This is when we were at the studio. 0.96

02:02:08.000 We did a podcast and after the podcast he went and used the studio gym and he was trained at fucking 90% of his max heart rate on the rowing machine. 0.98

02:02:18.000 He was just savage. 0.96

02:02:19.000 He was really trying to win.

02:02:21.000 Wow.

02:02:23.000 It was fun.

02:02:25.000 How long is he out there?

02:02:28.000 18 minutes.

02:02:29.000 Yeah.

02:02:31.000 That says 18 hours.

02:02:32.000 I don't know.

02:02:32.000 He was doing it for a long time.

02:02:33.000 I remember like he did it most of the podcast.

02:02:36.000 Look at his six-pack.

02:02:37.000 Look at him.

02:02:37.000 Look at his six-pack.

02:02:39.000 Dude, he's got a legitimate six-pack.

02:02:46.000 He was so driven.

02:02:48.000 You know what he figured out that helped all of us?

02:02:50.000 Movies.

02:02:52.000 You watch movies where you're doing cardio.

02:02:54.000 You don't even notice you're doing cardio.

02:02:56.000 Really?

02:02:56.000 Yeah.

02:02:57.000 Big difference.

02:02:59.000 Interesting.

02:03:00.000 Huge difference.

02:03:00.000 If you watch a fun movie, I watched so many movies during that Sober October challenge, because I just put my elliptical in front of the TV, and I had the Apple TV, and I just started watching movies.

02:03:10.000 I watched, like, I don't know how many movies.

02:03:12.000 I watched a shitload of movies.

02:03:13.000 I watched a lot of fights, and I watched John Wick a hundred times.

02:03:19.000 Wow.

02:03:20.000 Really?

02:03:21.000 Yes.

02:03:22.000 I don't know how many times I've watched a scene where he kills everybody in the bathhouse, the Russian nightclub.

02:03:27.000 Is that the most recent one?

02:03:28.000 No, it's John Wick 1, the original, the OG. He goes to the Red Circle Bar, and there's this Russian bathhouse in the basement, and he gets in there and fucking, spoiler alert, kills everybody. 0.98

02:03:42.000 It's a wild fucking scene, man. 0.99

02:03:45.000 And it's so hyper-violent, so hyper-crazy that it just gets my adrenaline going. 0.99

02:03:49.000 This is a scene in the bathroom.

02:03:54.000 The movie is a masterpiece of violence.

02:03:57.000 It's a masterpiece of violence.

02:03:59.000 Because it's just crazy enough in every way that you start rooting for this... 0.99

02:04:06.000 Complete psycho to kill everybody to get to this guy who killed his dog and stole his car. 0.98

02:04:12.000 He's literally killing a hundred people in this movie just to get the one guy who stole his car and killed his dog. 0.99

02:04:22.000 This is what the movie's about.

02:04:24.000 It's an American masterpiece. 1.00

02:04:27.000 It's a masterpiece, this fucking movie. 0.99

02:04:29.000 I didn't get to see two, but I saw three on an airplane. 1.00

02:04:34.000 Watch this scene right here.

02:04:35.000 Looks over at the guy he's supposed to kill, that guy, shoots the guard, points the gun at him, doesn't shoot him, and kills the other guy in front of him.

02:04:43.000 Watch this. 0.95

02:04:45.000 Boom! 0.99

02:04:46.000 Just made the dude put his gun down by pointing a gun at him. 0.99

02:04:50.000 This movie was fucking wild, dude. 0.99

02:04:53.000 Wow. 0.99

02:04:54.000 There's so much violence in this movie.

02:04:57.000 This movie's the craziest, most violent masterpiece ever.

02:05:04.000 And for workouts, these scenes are so insane.

02:05:08.000 There's so much action and violence packed in these scenes.

02:05:12.000 When you're doing cardio, you're like...

02:05:14.000 You're just complete...

02:05:18.000 You're completely lost in the pace of the movie.

02:05:23.000 You're at 179 beats a second, and you just keep going.

02:05:27.000 You don't even notice it. 1.00

02:05:28.000 Damn. 1.00

02:05:29.000 Literally, the movie is fuel. 1.00

02:05:31.000 He just goes to this nightclub, killing everybody, man. 1.00

02:05:36.000 Spoiler alert, this is a wild, fucking murderous movie. 1.00

02:05:40.000 There's my boy Tate Fletcher. 0.99

02:05:41.000 Shout out to Tate. 0.84

02:05:43.000 Tate Fletcher gets killed in so many movies I love.

02:05:46.000 Look, he's running out.

02:05:47.000 He's here!

02:05:48.000 He's here! 0.99

02:05:48.000 And then they go looking for John Wick and he's running out in the hall just fucking shooting everybody. 0.99

02:05:52.000 Look at this, bro. 0.99

02:05:53.000 Wow. 0.99

02:05:53.000 I mean, are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

02:05:55.000 When has there ever been a movie like this? 0.99

02:05:58.000 This is the craziest... 0.99

02:05:59.000 It took every movie and every violent, crazy, psychopathic movie and just jacked that motherfucker up to ten. 0.99

02:06:11.000 It's a masterpiece, man. 1.00

02:06:13.000 It's fucking incredible. 0.98

02:06:16.000 It's like that one scene from The Matrix where they go into the thing, but the whole movie. 0.99

02:06:20.000 Three times.

02:06:22.000 It's amazing.

02:06:23.000 It's an amazing movie.

02:06:25.000 It's the best, most violent movie ever.

02:06:28.000 The other ones are really good, too.

02:06:30.000 I mean, I enjoyed two and I enjoyed three, but it's number one for me.

02:06:35.000 Guns are pretty.

02:06:35.000 I mean, when it comes to violence, though, I would take the...

02:06:39.000 Crazy 88 scene from Kill Bill over a gun shooting thing.

02:06:44.000 The slicing and actual blood that happens from a Hattori Hanzo sword.

02:06:51.000 Night and day difference.

02:06:52.000 I love the movements.

02:06:53.000 I get it.

02:06:54.000 But I still would have to put Kill Bill ahead of most of these things.

02:06:59.000 It's my favorite fight scene.

02:07:00.000 That's not a bad fight scene.

02:07:01.000 You got a good point.

02:07:02.000 That's a wild fight scene.

02:07:04.000 Yeah.

02:07:04.000 Maybe I should switch it up.

02:07:05.000 Start watching this scene.

02:07:07.000 The noises in this, the sound, the music.

02:07:11.000 I think there's like three, four, five different songs that happen during this insane stuff.

02:07:16.000 And you know, I read that they had to make it black and white, this part, so that it could stay rated R and not NC-17 because there's so much blood during this part.

02:07:27.000 They should release a director's cut where it's red and white.

02:07:30.000 I've seen it.

02:07:31.000 Really?

02:07:31.000 His original print is called Kill Bill, A Whole Bloody Affair, and I think it's only been shown literally like 15 times.

02:07:39.000 Oh, Jesus Christ!

02:07:41.000 She just chopped that dude's head off and he sprang all over the place. 1.00

02:07:44.000 It's just so cartoonish, man.

02:07:45.000 So good.

02:07:47.000 Yeah, old school kung fu style. 0.98

02:07:49.000 You have to suspend both.

02:07:50.000 Oh my God!

02:07:52.000 I forgot how good this is, dude.

02:07:54.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:07:56.000 Tony Hinchcliffe, good call.

02:07:57.000 This lasts forever.

02:07:58.000 Good call.

02:07:59.000 Remember, when you watch this, sound up.

02:08:01.000 Because it's incredible strategically what happens here.

02:08:07.000 Anyway, they had to turn the lights off, and you remember coming up, she flips a switch and the...

02:08:10.000 Hold up.

02:08:11.000 Pause, please.

02:08:12.000 Back that up a little bit.

02:08:14.000 Let's cover this real quick. 0.99

02:08:16.000 How the fuck... 0.99

02:08:18.000 Does she jump all the way up there like it's nothing? 1.00

02:08:21.000 But then when she gets to the top, she can barely make it over the edge.

02:08:25.000 Watch this.

02:08:25.000 Look at this.

02:08:26.000 Leaps to the top like it's nothing.

02:08:28.000 Look at this.

02:08:28.000 And then massive struggle.

02:08:31.000 Well, that makes sense, though.

02:08:32.000 No!

02:08:33.000 Her arms are tired.

02:08:34.000 She jumped off of a sword. 0.98

02:08:34.000 I mean, it gave her a big boost. 0.98

02:08:36.000 The way she leaped up there, and the way she grabbed her arms and threw herself, like she's just gonna go over it with ease.

02:08:42.000 And then all of a sudden she's actual Uma Thurman, making it over the wall.

02:08:45.000 The magic sword did it. 1.00

02:08:47.000 Fuck outta here, bro. 1.00

02:08:48.000 Watch this. 1.00

02:08:48.000 Look, right here. 1.00

02:08:49.000 Look at the struggle.

02:08:50.000 Watch the sword.

02:08:51.000 Her arms are tired.

02:08:52.000 I know she jumped, but watch this.

02:08:53.000 Look at this.

02:08:53.000 Makes it more realistic.

02:08:56.000 Shows that she's still a human.

02:08:58.000 Come on, man. 1.00

02:08:58.000 She's in the middle of fucking sword fights. 1.00

02:09:00.000 She'd be jazzed up, but then she can move amazingly, right? 0.99

02:09:05.000 I forgot how wild this...

02:09:06.000 Look at that guy.

02:09:07.000 He jumps to the top.

02:09:08.000 He just floated up there.

02:09:09.000 Why not? 1.00

02:09:09.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:09:10.000 Have him fly. 1.00

02:09:11.000 You make the rules if you're making the movie, right?

02:09:15.000 You make a movie, you can have all sorts of ridiculous things happen.

02:09:18.000 You can have people with a time machine that bring people back from the dead that you thought were dead.

02:09:22.000 I saw yesterday, Christopher Nolan was a little upset that all these people that have movies that they've made, I guess they're already done, but they went in making them with the intentions of them being in the theater, and now he's mad that Warner Brothers or HBO Max is going to put them all out online.

02:09:38.000 He's mad they're going to do that?

02:09:39.000 Sort of.

02:09:39.000 I mean, I guess he's sticking up for the other directors who maybe don't have a voice, but I don't know.

02:09:46.000 What's your feelings on that?

02:09:47.000 Let's get to see them.

02:09:48.000 Yeah, you get to see them.

02:09:50.000 Better than being shelved.

02:09:52.000 Yeah, I mean, I get it.

02:09:54.000 If you're watching it on TV and you're at home and the sound's not good, it's not the full experience that the person created when they made the movie, but you kind of know that.

02:10:04.000 But I really like seeing movies in the theater with the sound.

02:10:08.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:08.000 At least action movies, I should say.

02:10:11.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:11.000 It's almost pointless to see it at home.

02:10:13.000 And comedies, in a lot of ways, it's like there's a lot more when you see it with other people laughing.

02:10:19.000 It's just like an audience at a comedy club.

02:10:21.000 Like, I went to see something about Mary.

02:10:23.000 I'll never forget this.

02:10:25.000 Because, you know Steve Sharippa from The Sopranos?

02:10:28.000 Steve Sharippa from The Sopranos described it best.

02:10:30.000 He goes, it was like a comic killing movie.

02:10:34.000 It was.

02:10:35.000 When she had the jizz in her hair, the laugh from the audience was so intense, it was like a comic killing.

02:10:41.000 It was different than any other movie that was funny.

02:10:47.000 It hit another level.

02:10:49.000 It was so funny.

02:10:51.000 I remember my sister standing up from sitting next to me during Home Alone.

02:10:57.000 We couldn't even imagine anything like that.

02:11:01.000 That many gags one after the other.

02:11:04.000 When he really set up the house and Joe Pesci and what's his name?

02:11:09.000 I mean, it was just crazy.

02:11:11.000 Chaos.

02:11:12.000 One after the other.

02:11:13.000 When you realize that it's just joke, [...

02:11:18.000 But you laughed a lot.

02:11:21.000 You know?

02:11:35.000 I mean, they've closed a bunch of them.

02:11:38.000 Forever.

02:11:39.000 For sure.

02:11:40.000 Yeah.

02:11:41.000 Those are giant facilities.

02:11:42.000 Huge.

02:11:43.000 And companies that do movie theaters went under.

02:11:46.000 Can you imagine you have hundreds of employees and then all of a sudden you can't work for a year?

02:11:51.000 You just go, what do we do?

02:11:52.000 We can't do anything.

02:11:53.000 What do you mean we can't do anything?

02:11:55.000 Let's do something.

02:11:57.000 Nope.

02:11:57.000 How about we have 10 people in a movie theater?

02:11:59.000 Nope, they won't let you.

02:12:00.000 They won't let you have 10 people.

02:12:02.000 Can I have 10 people 20 feet apart?

02:12:04.000 No.

02:12:04.000 Can't have that.

02:12:06.000 What is it?

02:12:08.000 I did.

02:12:09.000 Here.

02:12:10.000 Yeah.

02:12:10.000 A couple months ago, yeah.

02:12:11.000 But here's different, man.

02:12:13.000 I'm telling you, here represents a more accurate version of the actual virus.

02:12:18.000 It's not like everybody's completely dismissive.

02:12:21.000 Everywhere you go, people are wearing masks.

02:12:23.000 People are taking precautions.

02:12:25.000 You go to restaurants, they check your temperature.

02:12:27.000 They take your information down in case you do get sick.

02:12:30.000 They have contact tracing.

02:12:32.000 You get asked, have you had contact with someone within the last, I think they say the last 14 hours or something like that.

02:12:42.000 Or four days.

02:12:43.000 I forget.

02:12:43.000 There's a four in there.

02:12:44.000 But they basically do their best to keep the business open and at the same time be safe.

02:12:52.000 They don't want to die.

02:12:53.000 They don't want to get sick.

02:12:54.000 But they're also realizing for most people it's not that.

02:12:58.000 It's not this horrible pandemic that they thought it was going to be. 0.99

02:13:02.000 It still sucks. 0.98

02:13:03.000 It's still not good. 0.99

02:13:04.000 But it's not what they thought it was going to be.

02:13:05.000 But they're still behaving like it was going to be what they thought it was going to be.

02:13:11.000 Where like 10% of the population is dead.

02:13:13.000 Right. 0.95

02:13:14.000 I remember being fucking terrified in the beginning and just really nervous. 0.89

02:13:20.000 But also, ironically now, thinking people are going to come together with this. 0.95

02:13:25.000 It's going to make people come together.

02:13:27.000 Nope.

02:13:28.000 Nope.

02:13:29.000 I think it would have if it wasn't for the closed downs.

02:13:33.000 I really do.

02:13:34.000 I think there's something about...

02:13:35.000 There's a feeling of helplessness that comes from being told you can't work, told you can't go anywhere, you can't go golfing.

02:13:44.000 You can't go golfing.

02:13:46.000 You can't do something you do outside in the sun.

02:13:48.000 Where it's been proven that the coronavirus dies in the sun.

02:13:51.000 Yeah.

02:13:52.000 There's no night golfing, right?

02:13:54.000 Am I right?

02:13:54.000 Right.

02:13:55.000 Yeah.

02:13:56.000 Well, then what the fuck? 0.99

02:13:57.000 And they even, they made changes to things, like there's this thing now on the stick that's in the hole. 0.99

02:14:03.000 Yeah.

02:14:04.000 To where there's a little thing there, a little ledge, and you can, with your putter, lift it up, and there's a bottom of the cup that lifts up as well, and your ball just rolls out to you.

02:14:14.000 So you don't have to touch anything.

02:14:14.000 They even found a way to take the one thing that you might touch out of it.

02:14:22.000 It's so frustrating.

02:14:24.000 Yeah.

02:14:25.000 And it's also frustrating that there's not the same approach to all activities.

02:14:33.000 Like, you can protest and everyone thinks you're doing a good thing.

02:14:37.000 No one says, hey, this is a legitimate protest, but we should be really careful about spreading this disease.

02:14:43.000 Right.

02:14:44.000 On the contrary, they say things that, they yell things over each other's shoulders again and again in a loud volume.

02:14:52.000 Over and over and over and over and over again.

02:15:05.000 However, once we do that, once we have 60,000 people in downtown LA, once you have all these people, if you let people make that choice, everybody there knows this is a COVID pandemic.

02:15:18.000 Everybody there made a choice that is more important to them to protest than it is to really keep it safe and keep away from crowds.

02:15:28.000 We support their decision to do that.

02:15:31.000 Why can't other people do that in other things?

02:15:34.000 Why is it only a protest where you're allowed everybody to get together?

02:15:37.000 Why can't you decide what you do and what you don't do with your own health and your own life?

02:15:43.000 Because you can in all these other ways.

02:15:44.000 The thing to get you with is because you could spread it to someone else.

02:15:48.000 So it's like, wow.

02:15:49.000 We're losing everything on that.

02:15:52.000 We're losing everything on this one thing.

02:15:55.000 That you can be irresponsible and get it and spread it to someone else.

02:15:58.000 I could.

02:15:59.000 Or I could be forced to stay home for a year and lose everything I've ever worked for and maybe be suicidal.

02:16:06.000 That's possible too.

02:16:07.000 And they didn't consider that part of it.

02:16:09.000 They only considered the one part.

02:16:11.000 They considered the one part.

02:16:13.000 Like, someone could spread it.

02:16:14.000 Okay, let's shut it down.

02:16:15.000 Hold on.

02:16:16.000 No one was there going, wait a minute.

02:16:18.000 How are these people going to eat?

02:16:20.000 How are these people going to pay their rent?

02:16:22.000 Who are we to tell 20 million people you can't go to work?

02:16:26.000 I was thinking the other day that they should give a fat stimulus check to the people that have serious pre-existing conditions that are affected by this and everyone else.

02:16:40.000 Work.

02:16:40.000 All the way open.

02:16:42.000 All the way up.

02:16:42.000 Do not hang out with those people.

02:16:44.000 If you're around other people, take 14 days. 0.63

02:16:47.000 Sorry, people with pre-existing conditions, but this is going to a little bit extra suck for you while we...

02:16:56.000 Make sure that our money stays money.

02:16:59.000 It could have been done.

02:17:00.000 Yeah.

02:17:01.000 It could have been done.

02:17:02.000 I don't know if there's a real way you can make the people stay home, though.

02:17:08.000 The people with pre-existing conditions... 1.00

02:17:11.000 They might be like, fuck you. 1.00

02:17:13.000 I'm going to go out anyway. 1.00

02:17:15.000 That's the thing.

02:17:16.000 Is it okay to be irresponsible normally?

02:17:19.000 Yes.

02:17:20.000 But is it okay to be irresponsible now?

02:17:22.000 No.

02:17:22.000 But we've got a bunch of people that are just always irresponsible.

02:17:26.000 And now all of a sudden you're saying, you've got to get your shit together because there's a pandemic. 0.99

02:17:30.000 I understand that you want them to get their shit together, but people don't get their shit together that easily. 0.99

02:17:35.000 Right. 1.00

02:17:36.000 But do you let them just fuck up and let the disease burn itself to the population? 0.99

02:17:42.000 Or do you let the government shut everything down and then you have a disease of poverty burning through the entire population? 0.99

02:17:50.000 You have a disease of despair.

02:17:52.000 There's a lot of other things that aren't good besides just the illness.

02:17:56.000 The question is like, what's the balancing point, right?

02:17:59.000 Like, how much illness do we have to stop and how much business do we have to keep open and where is it at its healthiest?

02:18:06.000 And I don't think anybody knew that coming in, and I don't think anybody's ever really looked at it that way.

02:18:11.000 They don't discuss it that way.

02:18:13.000 They only discuss the bad aspects of not locking down.

02:18:18.000 The bad aspects of not...

02:18:21.000 Stopping all travel and stopping all non-essential businesses.

02:18:27.000 Stopping the golfing.

02:18:28.000 There's something happening on those golf courses and people are dying.

02:18:31.000 We need to stop all the golfing.

02:18:33.000 How many people have died from golfing from the pandemic?

02:18:37.000 Four?

02:18:37.000 I mean that.

02:18:39.000 Maybe.

02:18:40.000 But that seems like it could be a stretch.

02:18:41.000 Even though old guys do love golfing. 1.00

02:18:44.000 They do.

02:18:46.000 They're good at it, too.

02:18:47.000 Jamie, what do you think the number is of dudes that have been killed while golfing?

02:18:52.000 What are you looking?

02:18:55.000 I say it's four.

02:18:58.000 Four people.

02:18:59.000 What do you think?

02:19:00.000 I'll say seven.

02:19:01.000 Seven.

02:19:03.000 Even though I also think...

02:19:04.000 I just looked.

02:19:05.000 It said that...

02:19:06.000 Or maybe it's certain courses, I guess.

02:19:09.000 It says you can golf.

02:19:11.000 In LA? In LA. What?

02:19:15.000 Tony, is this all fugazi?

02:19:17.000 They canceled our reservations.

02:19:19.000 We were on public courses.

02:19:21.000 Maybe certain courses or something.

02:19:23.000 Oh, so the private courses can still...

02:19:26.000 If they couldn't adhere to the rules...

02:19:28.000 Here's what I think it is.

02:19:29.000 Private courses, you can only golf with people in your household.

02:19:32.000 That's what they change.

02:19:33.000 Which, by the way, makes it impossible to golf.

02:19:37.000 I'm sure this week there was thousands of groups of guys, probably different races and everything, showing up saying, hey, we're all roommates.

02:19:46.000 Yeah, we're all brothers and sisters under God.

02:19:49.000 But that's what they said, is you can golf with people that you live with, which is, again, that doesn't make sense.

02:19:56.000 Just test everybody.

02:19:57.000 Just test them when they get there.

02:20:00.000 You want people to be able to golf?

02:20:01.000 Just test them. 0.99

02:20:02.000 I feel like this is all shit that makes sense if you're talking about it in March. 0.97

02:20:09.000 But when we're all the way here in December of the following year... 0.96

02:20:15.000 I mean, the same year, but I mean, we're like almost 2021. And there's things we could work out that we could handle better.

02:20:24.000 They have to take into consideration the consequences of stopping things, not just of stopping you from doing things, and the negative that comes from you doing these things.

02:20:32.000 You have to take into consideration what happens when you stop those things.

02:20:37.000 Where do those people get the food from? 0.98

02:20:39.000 Where do those people get the money from?

02:20:41.000 How many people are involved in this business?

02:20:43.000 How many people are supported by this one restaurant?

02:20:46.000 All their food, all their home, their housing, everything they buy, vacations they go, all from this one restaurant.

02:20:53.000 Might be 100 people, man.

02:20:55.000 And then what about those people?

02:20:56.000 How are they going to pay their rent?

02:20:58.000 How's the landlord going to pay his rent or his mortgage if no one pays rent, no one has any money?

02:21:04.000 How far does this bubble out when you've got a 30% unemployment rate?

02:21:07.000 How far does this bubble out when 40% of the restaurants go under, 50% of the restaurants go under?

02:21:12.000 Like, how far does it go?

02:21:13.000 And have you guys calculated this?

02:21:15.000 Or have you only calculated deaths?

02:21:18.000 Or have you only calculated hospital beds?

02:21:20.000 Have you only calculated ICU? That's important shit to calculate. 0.99

02:21:24.000 Don't get me wrong. 0.99

02:21:25.000 It's very important to calculate.

02:21:26.000 But there was never a discussion of both things.

02:21:28.000 There was only a discussion of what's the negative aspect of people going to work.

02:21:33.000 Do we have to flatten the curve? 0.98

02:21:33.000 The flattening the curve shit was supposed to be two weeks. 0.98

02:21:36.000 Two weeks. 0.98

02:21:37.000 Remember that?

02:21:37.000 Yeah.

02:21:38.000 Here we are. 0.99

02:21:39.000 It's fucking December. 0.99

02:21:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:42.000 Dude, what is today?

02:21:43.000 The 8th?

02:21:44.000 Yeah.

02:21:44.000 December 8th.

02:21:45.000 What the fuck? 0.99

02:21:47.000 And no hospital ever reached capacity. 1.00

02:21:49.000 No one went without what they needed to, right?

02:21:53.000 And there's a curfew.

02:21:55.000 Explain that.

02:21:56.000 What happens after 10?

02:21:57.000 What happens that leads you to be able to tell people that they can't be out?

02:22:03.000 That they have to be home. 1.00

02:22:05.000 Who the fuck are you? 1.00

02:22:06.000 Like, why can you tell them that they can be home? 1.00

02:22:08.000 Because there's a virus?

02:22:09.000 You already told them they can't work.

02:22:11.000 So now you're telling them they can't go out?

02:22:13.000 Yeah.

02:22:14.000 They can't just go somewhere?

02:22:15.000 They have to stay home?

02:22:16.000 And somehow or another that's going to stop the virus at 10?

02:22:18.000 Only at 10?

02:22:19.000 Not at 9.15?

02:22:21.000 Not at 10.35?

02:22:22.000 Not at 11.15?

02:22:24.000 Don't tell the governor, but a few nights ago, the night that I drove here, I left at 10.30.

02:22:28.000 Oh my god.

02:22:30.000 Can you believe that?

02:22:30.000 I think you're allowed to leave at 10.30.

02:22:35.000 What is the fucking rule? 0.98

02:22:38.000 What happens if you're out there and it's past 10? 0.99

02:22:41.000 It's just a thing to mess with people's minds.

02:22:44.000 Bro, imagine being a cop now.

02:22:48.000 This is the roughest year ever to be a cop.

02:22:50.000 Yeah.

02:22:51.000 Ever.

02:22:52.000 I pulled up next to one the other day at a red light, and I can't remember how we got into it.

02:22:56.000 I think my window was down or something, and I'm like, hey, what's up?

02:23:00.000 Nice car.

02:23:01.000 And I go, yeah, if you ever see it, don't give me a ticket.

02:23:05.000 And he goes, don't worry, man.

02:23:07.000 We don't even worry about that stuff anymore.

02:23:11.000 I bet they don't.

02:23:11.000 The light turned green and I went.

02:23:13.000 I bet they don't.

02:23:14.000 Just peeled out of there.

02:23:15.000 No, I'm kidding.

02:23:17.000 You left a smoke show.

02:23:19.000 Goodbye.

02:23:21.000 Donuts.

02:23:21.000 If you really think about it, that's probably the last thing they want to do is pull someone over for speeding now.

02:23:27.000 Yeah.

02:23:29.000 I mean, especially after those two cops got shot in the face, just sitting in their car, just totally unrelated to any incident.

02:23:36.000 Somebody walked up and just shot two cops in the face in LA. It's a rough year for being a cop.

02:23:42.000 I get it.

02:23:43.000 I understand why people are upset.

02:23:45.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:23:47.000 But man, you need cops. 0.91

02:23:49.000 You guys are crazy if you don't think we need cops. 0.97

02:23:52.000 It's crazy. 0.78

02:23:53.000 They definitely need better training, 100%.

02:23:56.000 Yep.

02:23:57.000 Yeah.

02:23:59.000 LA County Sheriff, deputies won't enforce Newsom's stay-at-home order.

02:24:04.000 Sheriff Villanueva?

02:24:07.000 Villanueva?

02:24:08.000 Did you say Villanueva?

02:24:10.000 Said businesses have been through enough.

02:24:12.000 He's right. 1.00

02:24:13.000 Fuck yeah, he's right. 1.00

02:24:15.000 I'm with that guy. 1.00

02:24:15.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:24:17.000 Let them stay open, man.

02:24:19.000 If people are vulnerable, they don't want to go out, they can stay home.

02:24:23.000 But you can't make people stay home.

02:24:25.000 You can't make people not keep their businesses open.

02:24:28.000 You can have rules.

02:24:29.000 Masks make sense.

02:24:32.000 Filtration systems make sense.

02:24:35.000 Temperature checks make sense.

02:24:36.000 Contact tracing make sense.

02:24:38.000 All that stuff makes sense. 0.68

02:24:39.000 But telling a person like your dad, who's had a business for 30 fucking years, All of a sudden, you've got to shut it down for a year. 0.99

02:24:48.000 That's crazy. 0.95

02:24:49.000 If you're going to do that, you've got to put something in place to freeze rent for all these different people.

02:24:55.000 It should be the moment the government tells you...

02:24:59.000 That you can't work, your rent is frozen.

02:25:02.000 And that rent is paid by the government.

02:25:04.000 If you can't pay the rent, then you can't tell someone they can't work.

02:25:07.000 Because you set into motion something, you're like, I created a problem for you.

02:25:11.000 You figure it out.

02:25:12.000 The government's not supposed to be in the business of creating problems for you.

02:25:16.000 It's supposed to be in the business of managing things and making life better for you in some way by good decisions.

02:25:22.000 That's not a good decision.

02:25:24.000 It's a terrible decision.

02:25:26.000 And there's no protection on people for losing their homes.

02:25:29.000 No protection on people for getting evicted.

02:25:31.000 No protection on people for getting their house repossessed.

02:25:36.000 And they expected these folks to just figure it out.

02:25:38.000 Figure it out.

02:25:39.000 The repercussions are gonna be insane.

02:25:41.000 We have not begun to see it yet.

02:25:43.000 Especially the second lockdown.

02:25:45.000 This is just beginning.

02:25:47.000 All these people that worked in restaurants, the few people on a staff that were lucky enough to get shifts on the limited basis of everything, limited tables, limited business, are now not working.

02:26:01.000 They were the lucky ones.

02:26:04.000 They were the senior employees, probably 10, 15, 20 years or more at a restaurant.

02:26:10.000 And a lot of these people in the service industry drink and treat themselves.

02:26:17.000 It's like part of that side of the business.

02:26:19.000 You know what they should do, really?

02:26:20.000 Wake everybody up?

02:26:23.000 If you really think that you should shut down all these businesses that aren't essential, how about shut everything down?

02:26:31.000 Shut everything down.

02:26:32.000 Shut everything down.

02:26:33.000 Gas stations, supermarkets, supply train, everything.

02:26:37.000 Shut everything down.

02:26:40.000 Then you realize how crazy what you're doing is.

02:26:43.000 Yeah.

02:26:44.000 But Whitney Cummings got in trouble for a tweet that she made yesterday. 1.00

02:26:48.000 She's like, I'm getting canceled for this stupid fucking tweet. 1.00

02:26:51.000 But it totally made sense. 1.00

02:26:54.000 She's like, all these rich, progressive people that want to keep everything shut down except delivery drivers and Right. 1.00

02:27:06.000 Hospital employees.

02:27:08.000 Yeah.

02:27:08.000 Uber drivers.

02:27:09.000 Postmates.

02:27:10.000 Postmates.

02:27:11.000 People work in supermarkets.

02:27:14.000 Nannies.

02:27:14.000 She listed all these things.

02:27:15.000 These people have to work.

02:27:16.000 It's so true. 0.84

02:27:18.000 Yeah.

02:27:19.000 The people that...

02:27:20.000 And again, I get it.

02:27:23.000 I'm not a person that's in the position that I'm talking about.

02:27:27.000 So I'm talking about this just out of consideration.

02:27:30.000 But if a person can't work...

02:27:33.000 And the other person that's telling them they can't work has no financial repercussions at all.

02:27:41.000 And is working while telling them to not work.

02:27:44.000 Is working while telling them to not work and in many cases even going on vacations and doing things, going to restaurants while telling people to never go out.

02:27:51.000 Like, it's madness.

02:27:52.000 And it's going to erode the confidence that people have in government in a way that we've never seen before.

02:28:00.000 Because government has never taken your whole livelihood away from that many people.

02:28:05.000 Government has never made decisions that force people to lose their life's work in a few months.

02:28:11.000 It has now.

02:28:13.000 And so these people that you thought were buffoons But they didn't affect your life directly, now have radically affected millions of people's lives directly with their incompetence and their lack of sight, their lack of foresight, 0.62

02:28:28.000 their lack of vision, their lack of understanding. 0.70

02:28:30.000 There's consequences to both things.

02:28:31.000 You only keep talking about this one thing.

02:28:34.000 You're not talking about the consequences of the economic impact on these people.

02:28:37.000 There are serious health consequences to poverty, right?

02:28:42.000 There's serious health consequences to the stress of losing a business that you've worked for for 30 years.

02:28:48.000 Mental health problems, drug addiction problems, suicide.

02:28:50.000 All these things are upticking.

02:28:52.000 And if you were an accountant, if you wanted to bring them to court, you would go, we're going to just show you the impact of these decisions.

02:28:59.000 And you'd map it out as a case against their decision.

02:29:02.000 Like, look at the impact of these decisions.

02:29:06.000 And look at the financial impact.

02:29:08.000 Look at all the suicide.

02:29:09.000 Look at the uptick in suicides.

02:29:10.000 Look at the uptick in drug addiction.

02:29:12.000 Look at the uptick in all these different things.

02:29:13.000 Violent crime, murder, harms, all these different things.

02:29:16.000 Armed robbery.

02:29:16.000 You show the uptick.

02:29:18.000 And then you say, look what you've done.

02:29:20.000 Look what you did.

02:29:22.000 You looked at one side of it.

02:29:23.000 You talked about one side of it.

02:29:25.000 You never even discussed remotely the consequences for these people that did nothing wrong, who are going to lose everything.

02:29:31.000 And there's no aid.

02:29:32.000 $1,200 check once.

02:29:34.000 Some companies got aid.

02:29:36.000 Some companies got some loans to try to take care of their employees and stay afloat.

02:29:42.000 Some big companies.

02:29:43.000 They served a lot of large corporations.

02:29:46.000 They didn't serve small businesses.

02:29:49.000 You know, they ignored a lot of small businesses.

02:29:52.000 It's dark, dude.

02:29:54.000 It shows people one thing, though, that's really important.

02:29:57.000 It shows you how important real leadership is and how rare it is.

02:30:03.000 People with character.

02:30:04.000 It's one of the things I love about Dan Crenshaw.

02:30:06.000 He's a Navy SEAL, man.

02:30:09.000 He's got real character.

02:30:11.000 Like, it's real.

02:30:13.000 Like, you meet enough of those guys to become a Navy SEAL? To be a Goggins, to be a Jocko, you've got to be an extraordinary human.

02:30:21.000 To be an Andy Stump, you've got to be an extraordinary human.

02:30:24.000 It's not a regular person.

02:30:26.000 It's a person with intense discipline.

02:30:29.000 The ability to push through when other people would quit.

02:30:32.000 That's a Dan Crenshaw.

02:30:34.000 That's a real leader.

02:30:35.000 We've got a lot of fake leaders.

02:30:37.000 We've got a lot of leaders that they auditioned for roles that nobody wanted.

02:30:42.000 They went out there and they got jobs that some people wanted.

02:30:46.000 Of course other people wanted to be mayor of Los Angeles.

02:30:48.000 But exceptional people?

02:30:50.000 Like really intelligent, successful people?

02:30:52.000 No, they make more money doing other things.

02:30:54.000 And they have other interests.

02:30:55.000 They don't do it.

02:30:56.000 So you get these people that make these decisions. 0.99

02:30:59.000 And they're not necessarily in the stiffest fucking competition. 0.93

02:31:04.000 There's not a whole lot of people vying to be the mayor of Ventura. 0.97

02:31:08.000 How many people are there?

02:31:10.000 But you can make decisions if you're in a...

02:31:14.000 I don't mean to pick on the mayor of Ventura. 1.00

02:31:16.000 I don't even know who the fuck it is. 0.99

02:31:17.000 But you can make decisions if you're a governor of a state. 0.99

02:31:20.000 That can affect millions of people in a negative way.

02:31:23.000 You can make poor decisions.

02:31:25.000 You can decide...

02:31:28.000 That you're gonna start locking people up who go to the park.

02:31:32.000 You can decide that.

02:31:33.000 You can decide that.

02:31:34.000 And you're gonna do it for the safety of the people.

02:31:36.000 That's not your job.

02:31:39.000 It's never been your job.

02:31:40.000 It's never been your job to tell people when they have to go to bed or when they have to be home.

02:31:44.000 It's never been your job.

02:31:45.000 Yeah, we realized with this whole pandemic thing how powerful, I think a lot of people realize how powerful governors actually are, state to state to state.

02:31:53.000 And it made me wish, this time made me wish, that California had Schwarzenegger now.

02:31:59.000 I would have loved to have seen how he handled this whole thing.

02:32:02.000 Maybe we can start a campaign to bring him back.

02:32:04.000 Can he be governor again?

02:32:05.000 How's that work?

02:32:06.000 That's a good question.

02:32:07.000 Jerry Brown did it.

02:32:08.000 Jerry Brown was governor way back in the Disney.

02:32:10.000 You're right.

02:32:11.000 Yep.

02:32:12.000 Because Jerry Brown was governor back when he was running for president opposite Bush Sr. and Ron Paul.

02:32:22.000 No, no, no, not Ron Paul.

02:32:24.000 Excuse me.

02:32:25.000 The guy I think of when I think of Ron Paul.

02:32:29.000 The old dude who ran for president who was an oil guy. 0.99

02:32:35.000 God damn it, Jamie. 0.99

02:32:37.000 Ross Perot. 1.00

02:32:38.000 Ross Perot.

02:32:38.000 Thank you.

02:32:39.000 Thank you very much.

02:32:39.000 I know how he talks.

02:32:41.000 Explain to you about IRS. This is how it works.

02:32:44.000 That guy took so many votes away from Herbert Walker Bush that he wound up losing to Clinton.

02:32:50.000 So Jerry Brown was in the primary.

02:32:54.000 He was running for president but didn't get the nomination.

02:32:57.000 That was around the same time as Ross Perot and Herbert Walker Bush.

02:33:03.000 And they think that Clinton won and that H.W. didn't win re-election because Ross Perot took so many votes.

02:33:10.000 I voted for Ross Perot.

02:33:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:33:12.000 Ross Perot was the fucking man. 1.00

02:33:14.000 Everybody was like pumped up about Ross Perot. 1.00

02:33:16.000 Yeah.

02:33:16.000 He was like the cool guy.

02:33:18.000 Yeah.

02:33:18.000 He was like the original Bernie.

02:33:20.000 Well, he was a businessman and he explained taxes in a one half hour program.

02:33:28.000 Is that available online?

02:33:30.000 Can someone watch the Ross Perot?

02:33:33.000 I bet it's on YouTube.

02:33:34.000 YouTube has everything.

02:33:37.000 But he did this explanation. 0.97

02:33:39.000 He bought a whole half hour of television, primetime TV, pre-internet, and just had a fucking piece of cardboard and explained everything. 0.97

02:33:47.000 And at the end of it, you're like, what? 0.97

02:33:49.000 Like, dude, back then, nobody understood taxes. 0.97

02:33:54.000 Now people kind of get it's horseshit. 0.98

02:33:56.000 They get the Federal Reserve's nonsense. 1.00

02:33:58.000 This is nonsense.

02:33:59.000 Like, what?

02:34:00.000 Interest?

02:34:01.000 What?

02:34:01.000 How much debt?

02:34:02.000 What?

02:34:03.000 What is inflation?

02:34:04.000 What does all this mean?

02:34:05.000 What are we doing?

02:34:06.000 What's the stock market?

02:34:07.000 But he was explaining it to the whole country.

02:34:10.000 And lemmings like me were like, I'm in!

02:34:13.000 Ross Perot's a rebel!

02:34:14.000 You know, I was probably like 22. I was an idiot. 1.00

02:34:18.000 I gotta pee. 1.00

02:34:19.000 You knew I could tell!

02:34:20.000 I could tell!

02:34:22.000 I could tell you had a look in your face.

02:34:23.000 I'm like, you gotta pee, don't you?

02:34:25.000 I should've asked. 1.00

02:34:27.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:34:28.000 Jerry Brown was the governor twice. 1.00

02:34:31.000 Yeah, he was the governor in the 80s, and then he was the governor again recently, before Gavin Newsom.

02:34:37.000 Correct, until 2019. I'm on the Wikipedia for it, which is probably not the best place to find the law, but it's not listed on here.

02:34:45.000 How many terms did he do back in the Disney?

02:34:49.000 So, the most you can do at once, for sure, is just like the president, where you can do eight years consecutive, like two back-to-back terms.

02:34:55.000 But can you do it again later?

02:34:57.000 I mean, he did.

02:34:58.000 Maybe Arnold can, too.

02:35:00.000 I'm trying to figure out maybe there's a length.

02:35:03.000 Why not?

02:35:04.000 I've learned.

02:35:06.000 I've gotten better.

02:35:06.000 I'm sorry.

02:35:07.000 I've been naughty.

02:35:08.000 Nixon was the only one that was an unsuccessful candidate for governor in California that won presidential.

02:35:14.000 He lost in 62 to Jerry Brown's father, Pat Brown.

02:35:21.000 I don't know enough about Nixon.

02:35:24.000 I don't know enough about him.

02:35:26.000 He seems like an odd dude.

02:35:28.000 Hunter S. Thompson always hated him.

02:35:31.000 Which makes him funny.

02:35:33.000 But the actual human, like what he did, if that happened today, he was spying on his rivals, right?

02:35:42.000 They bugged Watergate, right?

02:35:45.000 That was what it was about.

02:35:47.000 If that happened today, would anybody even bat an eye?

02:35:51.000 I mean, honestly, didn't the Obama administration spy on the Trump administration?

02:35:56.000 I would say yes, but taking their side of it, they had a reason to do it because they were told you need to check into this for all these reasons. 0.97

02:36:06.000 So they didn't just say, hey, he's my opponent, let's go fucking look. 0.94

02:36:10.000 Right. 0.99

02:36:10.000 They thought that he was in collusion with Russia. 0.99

02:36:13.000 Correct.

02:36:14.000 Yeah.

02:36:15.000 But still.

02:36:18.000 Is that okay?

02:36:21.000 You know?

02:36:23.000 I mean, that's not okay, but what Nixon did, or that's okay, but what Nixon did is not okay.

02:36:28.000 Because Nixon did it to a guy, they were campaigning, they were looking for dirt.

02:36:31.000 Is that what it was?

02:36:32.000 And Nixon wasn't, no, Nixon was a president.

02:36:36.000 That's why it was the issue.

02:36:37.000 Because he had the power to do it.

02:36:39.000 In the Obama administration, he was president while Trump was president-elect.

02:36:44.000 But Obama was not up for re-election.

02:36:46.000 Right.

02:36:47.000 And Nixon was.

02:36:48.000 Oh, okay.

02:36:48.000 Yeah, that makes it different.

02:36:51.000 Obama was the best president ever in terms of how he came off.

02:36:55.000 Yeah.

02:36:56.000 He's a GOAT in terms of speeches, celebrity.

02:37:00.000 Also, the most composed.

02:37:04.000 He felt like a president.

02:37:06.000 He felt like a guy who was way smarter than you, who was going to handle it.

02:37:10.000 He would give speeches the way he would talk.

02:37:14.000 It was commanding, big, big.

02:37:19.000 And then W was the most hilarious, because he would just be buffoonery. 0.99

02:37:23.000 But we ain't seen shit until this Biden presidency. 0.97

02:37:26.000 This is gonna be... 0.98

02:37:27.000 Did that W movie come out while he was still there, or did that come out after the fact?

02:37:32.000 That's a good question.

02:37:33.000 Probably after, right?

02:37:34.000 Did Josh Brolin play him?

02:37:36.000 Yeah, he was unbelievable in it.

02:37:38.000 Josh Brolin's a beast, man.

02:37:39.000 He's Thanos, bro.

02:37:40.000 You saw Biden broke his foot.

02:37:42.000 Just talking to people.

02:37:44.000 His foot just snapped.

02:37:45.000 I thought he said that he grabbed his dog's tail while he was in the shower.

02:37:50.000 Did you see this?

02:37:52.000 Ask him tomorrow.

02:37:53.000 It'll be a new story. 0.99

02:37:56.000 Bro, we ain't seen shit. 0.98

02:37:58.000 Let me tell you something. 0.99

02:37:59.000 As stand-up comedians, we just hit the lottery.

02:38:02.000 We hit the lottery because two things are happening that's beautiful.

02:38:05.000 One, Trump is gone.

02:38:06.000 Here's why that's good.

02:38:07.000 Because these people that thought that Trump was the root of all problems now have to face up to real problems.

02:38:14.000 Yep.

02:38:14.000 Now I have to realize, like, oh, that guy was annoying, and I didn't like the way he talked, but he wasn't the problem.

02:38:20.000 The bureaucracy, the system, the crud, the fucking swamp, the wars, the endless wars, the fucking military-industrial complex. 0.99

02:38:30.000 That's the problem. 1.00

02:38:32.000 When this guy becomes president, and now the jokes will free flow.

02:38:37.000 They will free flow.

02:38:39.000 Because people will have gotten rid of the bad man.

02:38:41.000 They won't be a bad man anymore.

02:38:43.000 They'll just be a guy who's falling apart.

02:38:45.000 And then they're going to tell you you can't make fun of him.

02:38:47.000 Well, he's falling apart because it's rude.

02:38:48.000 You're like, hey, you got to get him out of there then.

02:38:50.000 Right.

02:38:50.000 Get him out of there and I'll stop making fun of him.

02:38:52.000 But you can't.

02:38:53.000 You know what's going on.

02:38:54.000 Either it doesn't make sense or it does make sense.

02:38:58.000 So if I make fun of Barack Obama the way I make fun of Joe Biden, it wouldn't work.

02:39:03.000 If I said to you, I think Obama is like going with a bad flashlight on a long walk in the woods, you'd be like, that doesn't make any sense.

02:39:13.000 But when I say it about Biden, that it's like taking a flashlight with a bad battery and going for a long walk in the woods, you're like, yeah, it is.

02:39:21.000 Yeah, it is.

02:39:21.000 You know he's not going to make it to eight years.

02:39:23.000 You fucking know it. 1.00

02:39:24.000 You fucking know it. 1.00

02:39:25.000 But if I said that about Obama, it wouldn't make any sense at all. 0.99

02:39:28.000 Right.

02:39:28.000 Right?

02:39:28.000 Jokes work because they work.

02:39:30.000 They work because they make sense.

02:39:32.000 And if they don't make sense, they don't work.

02:39:34.000 So if people start saying that we can't make fun of Joe Biden because it's rude or it's able...

02:39:38.000 So you gotta get him out of that job then.

02:39:40.000 Because you know what's going on.

02:39:41.000 These jokes work because they're accurate. 0.99

02:39:44.000 The more people mocked him during the campaign, the best at it, fucking for sure, is Kyle Dunnigan. 0.99

02:39:49.000 Without a doubt. 1.00

02:39:50.000 He's the GOAT. Yeah.

02:39:52.000 He's the GOAT. Yeah, it's unbelievable.

02:39:54.000 He does so many different people.

02:39:56.000 And the Biden is off the charts.

02:39:58.000 So good. 0.98

02:39:59.000 You know, he said he has to do some fucked up things to his voice to get it that way. 0.96

02:40:04.000 And he can't talk afterwards. 0.98

02:40:05.000 Wow. 1.00

02:40:06.000 Is to fuck his voice up to hit that tone that Biden is. 0.99

02:40:10.000 That's so cool. 0.99

02:40:12.000 That's so awesome.

02:40:13.000 Here, play it.

02:40:13.000 Play it.

02:40:14.000 It's the best.

02:40:15.000 Deal, man.

02:40:16.000 Go from the beginning.

02:40:17.000 SpaceX.

02:40:19.000 SpaceX launch.

02:40:22.000 Cool.

02:40:23.000 Elon, Joey B here.

02:40:25.000 Wish you a congratulation on your face space launch.

02:40:27.000 Big deal, man.

02:40:28.000 Face space.

02:40:29.000 No, not face space.

02:40:29.000 It's SpaceX.

02:40:31.000 Space Sex Launch. 0.81

02:40:33.000 Oh, cool. 0.96

02:40:35.000 Sorry, who's this?

02:40:37.000 Joey B., former vice principal under Barack Tobago.

02:40:40.000 Come on, man. 0.95

02:40:41.000 Prisoner of rape. 0.98

02:40:42.000 Oh, cool. 0.66

02:40:44.000 Sorry, I'm distracted with COVID-19.

02:40:47.000 Kids will do that to you. 1.00

02:40:49.000 I think you think of my son AXF-12.

02:40:53.000 COVID-19 is different and very much not very good.

02:40:57.000 Well, take care of them all, man.

02:40:58.000 Hey, wait a minute.

02:40:59.000 I got to congratulate Elon.

02:41:01.000 No, you're a bad dude.

02:41:03.000 Remind me of corn pop. 0.98

02:41:04.000 Got a razor blade in his shoe, wasn't it?

02:41:06.000 No, not corn pop.

02:41:07.000 Frankenberry.

02:41:07.000 If it soaks up all the milk, look.

02:41:09.000 What are you talking about?

02:41:10.000 Count Chocula was a good cop.

02:41:12.000 4, 4, 5, 45, how about a 55, 55, 75, sold to Barack Obama!

02:41:22.000 Did he just auction off his grandkids?

02:41:26.000 Is he dead? 1.00

02:41:29.000 Goddammit! 1.00

02:41:34.000 Elon, enjoy beer!

02:41:37.000 How good is that?

02:41:38.000 He's so talented.

02:41:41.000 He's another guy, but he did this before COVID, but he's another guy who's figured out a complete new wrinkle in social media.

02:41:49.000 He's figured out a way to do top flight comedy writing and little sketches, but get them all within a minute, minute and a half.

02:41:57.000 Punches them up big time, Barack toboggan.

02:42:00.000 Come on, man.

02:42:01.000 We're going to have some fun times with this guy.

02:42:04.000 As long as China doesn't take over.

02:42:06.000 I don't want to learn Chinese. 0.98

02:42:08.000 I don't want the government watching everything I do.

02:42:10.000 That seems annoying.

02:42:12.000 And this all happened right when, what, Hong Kong was protesting.

02:42:19.000 What do we do?

02:42:20.000 What do we do?

02:42:23.000 Are you worried?

02:42:25.000 I'm not, I mean...

02:42:26.000 A little bit.

02:42:26.000 A little bit, yeah.

02:42:27.000 I mean, everyone has to be.

02:42:29.000 Are you worried, Jamie?

02:42:30.000 Well, I mean...

02:42:35.000 More about this stuff.

02:42:36.000 What stuff?

02:42:37.000 That Galactic Federation show.

02:42:37.000 Oh yeah, that was coming up.

02:42:39.000 Yeah.

02:42:40.000 And why they won't talk about it or will talk about it.

02:42:42.000 Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it.

02:42:49.000 A galactic federation has been waiting for humans to reach a stage where we will understand what space and spaceships are.

02:42:58.000 How do you say his name?

02:42:59.000 Chaim Eshed said, I can help everybody.

02:43:04.000 Me.

02:43:06.000 Mushrooms.

02:43:08.000 Everybody get on mushrooms.

02:43:09.000 All of us.

02:43:10.000 The whole planet.

02:43:11.000 One day.

02:43:13.000 One day.

02:43:13.000 Let's take a day off.

02:43:14.000 You want to really take a day off?

02:43:15.000 Take a day off.

02:43:15.000 Everybody.

02:43:16.000 Mushrooms.

02:43:17.000 The aliens will just start landing.

02:43:19.000 They'll start landing.

02:43:20.000 They'll pop out of nowhere.

02:43:21.000 Thin air.

02:43:22.000 Just appear.

02:43:23.000 Football fields.

02:43:24.000 I was once almost positive that there was one of those, and it turns out that I found out the next day, it wasn't a spaceship, but that a father and a son in the distance were playing with two lightsabers.

02:43:38.000 Whoa.

02:43:39.000 But once in Joshua Tree, I was positive that I saw UFO land, red and green lights, and then they told me I was tripping my balls off.

02:43:47.000 Yeah, that's a little different.

02:43:49.000 Maybe it was a UFO too.

02:43:51.000 Maybe the UFO only comes out when you're tripping and you want to see a UFO because you saw lasers.

02:43:56.000 It'll just show up.

02:43:57.000 Weird stuff does pop up when on mushrooms though.

02:44:00.000 Oh for sure.

02:44:01.000 I think you hit a weird frequency like where you tuned into other dimensions.

02:44:06.000 You know, when Ari started Shroom Fest, Shroom Fest 1, we celebrated at the Comedy Store condo in La Jolla.

02:44:11.000 It was me, him, Matt Edgar, and I think Dan Madonia.

02:44:15.000 Anyway, we fasted.

02:44:17.000 We didn't eat anything.

02:44:19.000 We grinded up a bunch of mushrooms, mixed them with orange juice.

02:44:22.000 We did all the research on how mushrooms can hit you the hardest.

02:44:26.000 Anyway, a few hours in, we're standing out on that patio, and you know how walking traffic comes on both sides?

02:44:32.000 And far away in the distance, we see these super crazy lights, and they're coming closer and closer.

02:44:40.000 And as it got closer, we realized that it was a family, a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter who were tiny kids. 0.98

02:44:48.000 And they're all covered from head to toe in different Just tripping your balls. 0.99

02:45:24.000 Illegal. 1.00

02:45:26.000 Illegal.

02:45:28.000 Mushrooms are the best.

02:45:31.000 There's a lot of lessons in those things.

02:45:34.000 We saw an evergreen growing out of a rock one time we found one in Joshua Tree.

02:45:39.000 How so?

02:45:40.000 I don't know.

02:45:41.000 You mean a rock and then the evergreen was wrapped around the rock?

02:45:44.000 It was on top of it.

02:45:44.000 Yep.

02:45:46.000 Found just enough roots.

02:45:48.000 Yep.

02:45:48.000 Got all the way to the dirt.

02:45:51.000 Somehow, someway through the rock.

02:45:53.000 How weird.

02:45:54.000 Yeah.

02:45:55.000 Did you take a picture of it?

02:45:57.000 I once looked it up and I found it.

02:45:59.000 I once googled because I assumed other people would have seen it at some point because it wasn't that far from our campsite in Jumbo Rock, I think it was, in Joshua Tree.

02:46:10.000 So I googled Joshua Tree Evergreen Out of Rock or something like that.

02:46:15.000 Did you ever go to the rainwood, the redwood forest rather?

02:46:19.000 No, I never made it there.

02:46:20.000 I really wanted to though.

02:46:21.000 It's very interesting.

02:46:22.000 Yeah.

02:46:22.000 They're so big.

02:46:23.000 They're so big it's weird.

02:46:25.000 There's one of them that, I think more than one, but one that I went to that they cut a hole through it and let cars drive through it.

02:46:32.000 And I remember it from when I was a kid that we had visited when I was a kid, like really young, like seven.

02:46:37.000 And then when I went to it again as an adult, I remember thinking, what a weird thing that they did.

02:46:43.000 They took this insanely big tree.

02:46:46.000 It's so big. 0.99

02:46:47.000 Somebody was like, I think we can get a fucking car through there. 0.99

02:46:49.000 And the other one was like, let's do it. 0.99

02:46:51.000 So they literally cut a hole in this life form.

02:46:55.000 And they left just enough to keep it alive, but it has this massive scar, and these little primates get in their metal boxes and roll through the hole.

02:47:06.000 That's why they did it.

02:47:07.000 That's it right there, yeah. 0.97

02:47:08.000 Crazy.

02:47:09.000 It's weird, man.

02:47:11.000 It's weird, because you get inside of it, and you're just like, is this worth it?

02:47:17.000 No.

02:47:17.000 It's strange that people would want to drive a car through it, and then someone wouldn't go, hey, hey, stop.

02:47:25.000 I got an idea.

02:47:26.000 How old is that?

02:47:27.000 4,000 years old? 1.00

02:47:28.000 Let's dig a hole in it and drive cars till it'll be the shit. 1.00

02:47:34.000 They thought about Instagram before Instagram existed. 1.00

02:47:36.000 This is what you have to think. 0.99

02:47:37.000 Who gave a fuck if you drove through that tree? 0.99

02:47:40.000 Wow, look at that. 0.99

02:47:41.000 This happened in the 20s or something.

02:47:43.000 Look at that.

02:47:46.000 But that just affirms. 1.00

02:47:49.000 It should really just show you how slow these goddamn trees grow. 0.99

02:47:54.000 If you think about the fact that that was... 0.99

02:47:56.000 When did they do it?

02:47:57.000 I don't know.

02:47:57.000 I just saw a horse and buggy going through it, so it might have been done even before that.

02:48:00.000 Oh my god.

02:48:01.000 Yeah, look.

02:48:02.000 Oh my god, that's crazy.

02:48:04.000 But that might have been at the same time, because photographs weren't until the mid-1800s, right?

02:48:10.000 I know we went over this before.

02:48:12.000 When's the photograph?

02:48:13.000 Was it like 1850 or something?

02:48:15.000 Depends on what the photograph is you want to consider a photograph, but they've been able to copy stuff with light and shit like that on like 10 for a little while.

02:48:24.000 Not 200 years, but longer than you might think.

02:48:27.000 It's cut in 1881. That was when it was cut?

02:48:31.000 Yep.

02:48:31.000 Wow.

02:48:33.000 Imagine having that shitty job with the tools that you had in 1881. An ice pick and a hammer. 0.98

02:48:41.000 Yeah.

02:48:41.000 Every day.

02:48:42.000 Enlarging an existing scar, it says.

02:48:44.000 Oh.

02:48:45.000 So there was an existing scar.

02:48:47.000 Yeah, that's what they sat after.

02:48:48.000 Yeah.

02:48:49.000 Shamed for it.

02:48:50.000 It was already cut.

02:48:51.000 I just made it big enough for my truck.

02:48:56.000 It's such a douchey human move to drive a hole through a tree.

02:49:01.000 But even with the hole in it, it's so impressive.

02:49:04.000 They're so big.

02:49:05.000 It's weird.

02:49:07.000 It's like, you know, you put your hands on it and you look around and you're like, wow.

02:49:12.000 Wow.

02:49:13.000 Wow.

02:49:13.000 I think I took pictures.

02:49:14.000 See if my Instagram back in the dizay. 0.99

02:49:18.000 You know someone's gonna make a meme because of this with the big black guy with his dick hanging out and there's gonna be a car driving through the bottom of it. 0.99

02:49:26.000 It's almost 200 years for the first photograph. 0.99

02:49:28.000 1826. Wow.

02:49:30.000 I think it was that thing or whatever that is actually. 1.00

02:49:33.000 Blurry piece of shit. 1.00

02:49:34.000 I want my money back. 1.00

02:49:36.000 That's a zero megapixel camera. 0.95

02:49:41.000 Cameras today on phones are so ridiculous. 0.73

02:49:43.000 You know how people have a hard time taking photos of the moon? 0.74

02:49:47.000 You ever try to take a photo of the moon?

02:49:49.000 That's right.

02:49:49.000 I mean, yeah.

02:49:50.000 Yeah.

02:49:50.000 Well, Galaxy Note 20 actually has a moon mode.

02:49:56.000 Huh.

02:49:57.000 Yeah, the menu, first of all, the camera's incredible, but the customization, the menu, is pretty...

02:50:04.000 Samsung does a really good job with that, giving you not just really good cameras, but a bunch of different ways you can fuck around with your camera, like built into the camera app.

02:50:13.000 And one of them is moon mode.

02:50:15.000 They have like a moonshot mode.

02:50:17.000 And so through that, it adjusts the aperture so you can take a photo of the moon, and it actually looks like the moon.

02:50:24.000 See if you can find out...

02:50:25.000 The first one, it came up, it wasn't a good picture.

02:50:28.000 It's almost like...

02:50:28.000 Still not like what you could do with your camera.

02:50:31.000 You've seen what the fucking moon looks like. 0.98

02:50:32.000 You've seen tons of pictures, so it's like, how do I know this one was taken with that, but... 0.98

02:50:36.000 On the drive out here, we had one of those nights where it came over that ledge and was like Joe vs.

02:50:42.000 the Volcano style.

02:50:43.000 It was massive.

02:50:44.000 Bro, that is really good.

02:50:45.000 Are you kidding me?

02:50:46.000 That's a photo from a cell phone of the moon?

02:50:48.000 That's incredible.

02:50:49.000 That's the part of, like, it says it is. 1.00

02:50:51.000 Oh, these lying fucks. 0.99

02:50:51.000 But you don't know if it is. 0.99

02:50:52.000 I'm just going to assume it is.

02:50:54.000 Let's just go with it is.

02:50:55.000 I'm going with you, man. 1.00

02:50:56.000 It's more fun to think they're full of shit. 1.00

02:50:57.000 Yeah, I mean... 1.00

02:50:58.000 That's CGI, bro.

02:50:59.000 That says it's a P40. Eddie Bravo had a really good point.

02:51:03.000 He goes, let me ask you this.

02:51:06.000 Who took the picture of the spaceman in the Tesla flying over the Earth?

02:51:13.000 Who took the picture?

02:51:15.000 The camera they had on it.

02:51:17.000 Yeah, they had a camera attached.

02:51:19.000 Hey, you're ruining my fun.

02:51:22.000 I mean, it's an easy question.

02:51:24.000 Eddie's under the assumption that there's a photographer out there like, I just gotta do this with one picture.

02:51:29.000 Who took the picture?

02:51:30.000 He thought we were both high at the time.

02:51:32.000 I was like, hmm.

02:51:33.000 I wonder.

02:51:35.000 I wonder who took that picture.

02:51:37.000 I assumed there'd be an answer.

02:51:39.000 But there he is.

02:51:40.000 Listen, I'm not buying it, man.

02:51:42.000 I'm not buying it.

02:51:44.000 Come on.

02:51:45.000 The side one.

02:51:46.000 That was my favorite one.

02:51:47.000 Who took that picture, Jamie?

02:51:49.000 I don't see a camera in the front either.

02:51:51.000 How's this happening?

02:51:53.000 That's a good point.

02:51:56.000 Good point.

02:51:56.000 Who's taking that one, Jamie?

02:51:58.000 That's an amazing picture.

02:51:59.000 Oh, there it is.

02:52:00.000 No, you can see the bar there.

02:52:01.000 It wasn't even a picture really.

02:52:02.000 It was a live stream on YouTube.

02:52:03.000 I took the same picture with my screenshot on my laptop.

02:52:07.000 How can they live stream it?

02:52:08.000 How can they do that?

02:52:09.000 What do you mean?

02:52:10.000 Yeah, that is true.

02:52:11.000 They livestream the astronauts going there.

02:52:13.000 They just have a camera going.

02:52:14.000 I know, but I mean, how does it get all the way down?

02:52:16.000 How does it get all the way down to us?

02:52:18.000 Data.

02:52:18.000 They have a strong bandwidth pipe that no one else is allowed to use.

02:52:22.000 And he can do that all the way up there with a car?

02:52:24.000 Wouldn't you have to have additional equipment or anything?

02:52:27.000 It's not still live.

02:52:29.000 No.

02:52:31.000 Imagine it's a 24-hour spaceman cam you get tuned into.

02:52:36.000 You know what my favorite story was? 0.99

02:52:37.000 That that was some guy who fucked Elon Musk's girlfriend. 0.99

02:52:42.000 Stuffed him in a space chute, shot him off into space, which just hurls around in infinity. 0.99

02:52:46.000 And I was like, if that's true, that's the best story.

02:52:49.000 I'd like that story to be true.

02:52:51.000 That's awesome.

02:52:53.000 Ground control to nature, Tom.

02:52:56.000 Goodbye, my dear friend. 1.00

02:52:58.000 Yeah, I read an article the other day where someone was trying to make the argument that Elon Musk is an idiot. 0.99

02:53:03.000 Wow, that's a tough argument to make. 1.00

02:53:05.000 But it made me happy. 1.00

02:53:07.000 Because it just goes to show you that no matter what, there's someone out there that's going to call you an idiot. 0.99

02:53:14.000 Think about all the great things that Bill Gates has done in terms of charitable foundations and all the money they donated to try to help poor people. 0.99

02:53:25.000 They've done a lot of really good things.

02:53:26.000 But then a crazy rumor, a fake thing online would be about he's a pedophile or that he wants to kill children or he wants to microchip you. 0.75

02:53:35.000 And that's all you'll hear about.

02:53:37.000 Forget about all the good things this guy did.

02:53:40.000 Elon Musk confirms, yes, I have moved to Texas.

02:53:42.000 Wow, this is today.

02:53:45.000 Wow, look at that.

02:53:47.000 Yeah.

02:53:48.000 Looks like I got here at the right time.

02:53:50.000 Dude.

02:53:51.000 What a brilliant move.

02:53:53.000 I'm telling you, once we open up shop, once the comedy club's open, get that ball rolling...

02:54:02.000 Wild.

02:54:02.000 We can do a lot of great stuff, man.

02:54:04.000 We can do a lot of fun things.

02:54:06.000 Yeah, because we can.

02:54:07.000 Yeah, you can do things out here.

02:54:08.000 We're physically allowed to.

02:54:09.000 You're physically allowed to, and it's in the long run.

02:54:13.000 Look, it's not good for anybody who lost loved ones, and it's not good for anybody who lost businesses, but in the long run, for us, As comedians and as people that are kind of in custody of an art form.

02:54:26.000 That the custody should lie in the people who make the art form.

02:54:30.000 In the Dave Chappelle's, in the Bill Burr's, in the Tony Hinchcliffe's, in the Joey Diaz's, in the...

02:54:36.000 All the people that make the art form are the ones that you want to be in control of the art form.

02:54:42.000 And in LA, we were all under...

02:54:45.000 There's always like this...

02:54:47.000 There's a prostitution aspect of it. 1.00

02:54:54.000 I don't mean that in a bad way, but I mean like in terms of you're going to sell yourself for a television show, you're going to sell yourself for a movie.

02:55:01.000 All those options are available.

02:55:03.000 And when those options are available, the stand-up changes.

02:55:07.000 Your willingness to take risks changes.

02:55:10.000 Your approach to the art form changes.

02:55:12.000 Because you don't just think, I'm just going to do the thing that I think is the most funny.

02:55:15.000 You're like, ooh, will this get me in trouble?

02:55:16.000 Will this stop me from getting cast in a movie?

02:55:18.000 Will this stop me from getting cast in a television show?

02:55:21.000 In a lot of cases, it will.

02:55:23.000 If it's between you and some other guy, that's pretty good.

02:55:26.000 But you said something crazy, all of a sudden, that guy gets the role.

02:55:30.000 And you don't want the role.

02:55:33.000 You want to be a comic.

02:55:34.000 Right. 0.97

02:55:54.000 Being in a hub that's connected to television or film is silly.

02:56:01.000 That's a different thing.

02:56:02.000 If you want to do that thing, that's one thing.

02:56:04.000 But the art form of stand-up comedy should be autonomous.

02:56:08.000 It should not be connected to anything else other than itself.

02:56:12.000 Yeah.

02:56:13.000 With a live audience.

02:56:14.000 For the same reason why we were talking about those conversations we had at dinner.

02:56:18.000 Where we get together and we just make each other laugh.

02:56:23.000 Comics should be in control of how comedy gets formed and made.

02:56:31.000 And if we can be in control of a scene...

02:56:34.000 That would help so much.

02:56:36.000 You know, it'd be 100% pro-comic, 100% encouraging people to do it, have open mic nights with not a single consideration of the fact you're not going to make as much money as you would on a night without an open mic night.

02:56:51.000 Because everybody said the reason why, like, if you go on the road, some clubs don't have open mic nights.

02:56:55.000 Right.

02:56:56.000 And they go, well, those lose money.

02:56:57.000 I go, yeah, but they make comedians.

02:56:59.000 Right.

02:56:59.000 And then you develop local talent and you have a scene, like, you're investing in the scene.

02:57:03.000 Yeah.

02:57:03.000 You have to invest in the scene.

02:57:05.000 And if you look at it only like a business, you're not going to invest in the scene.

02:57:09.000 So you'll take those Mondays and those Sundays and you'll turn those into headliner shows.

02:57:14.000 You go, oh, D.L. Hughley's willing to come in Monday night.

02:57:17.000 He's willing to come in and do two sold-out shows.

02:57:19.000 Are you going to do that?

02:57:21.000 Or are you going to...

02:57:23.000 Put up a show where there's a bunch of open micers. 0.97

02:57:26.000 DL can go anywhere the fuck he wants.

02:57:28.000 But if you want to create a scene, you better have an open mic show. 0.97

02:57:31.000 You got to have an open mic show.

02:57:32.000 You have to have a community of people that are trying to get better.

02:57:35.000 They push each other and they value good talent.

02:57:38.000 And then people come into town and they get to see these people and they take them on the road.

02:57:44.000 You'll say, hey man, you're really good.

02:57:45.000 You want to come with me to Ohio?

02:57:46.000 Hey, have you ever worked at this guy's place?

02:57:49.000 I'm going there.

02:57:50.000 I'll give him your number.

02:57:51.000 Yeah.

02:57:52.000 Critical.

02:57:52.000 Yeah.

02:57:53.000 Critical.

02:57:53.000 I mean, even the improv and things like that, like I said, when we were doing them, we were standing outside at 4 to do the open mic at 6. It wasn't a real show.

02:58:02.000 There couldn't even be an audience to come in if they wanted to.

02:58:06.000 It was us.

02:58:07.000 Yeah.

02:58:07.000 Like, even if it's just that, that was enough for us to see if we missed one.

02:58:12.000 We were there every Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday, whenever it was at that time, because it switched so many times.

02:58:18.000 Yeah.

02:58:19.000 And I remember all of this so clearly because it was so critical.

02:58:23.000 It was so important because there is no other way.

02:58:26.000 I remember finding out that there were...

02:58:28.000 I didn't know how to become a comedian.

02:58:30.000 No one does.

02:58:31.000 There's no book.

02:58:31.000 There's no college, right?

02:58:33.000 So it's like when I first started figuring it out and realizing like, oh, that's what an open mic is.

02:58:40.000 It's not just like...

02:58:42.000 I think I thought it was just where you sang country music or something.

02:58:45.000 Like, oh, that's where the music showcase.

02:58:49.000 It was also for comedy and finding out how it worked.

02:58:54.000 And there's nobody that tells you how to write the jokes.

02:58:56.000 Yeah.

02:58:57.000 There's no courses available online.

02:59:00.000 Yeah.

02:59:01.000 I was telling my friend the other day because we were walking by...

02:59:08.000 We were walking by this horrible location, La Brea and Santa Monica, where I first lived when I was a comedian.

02:59:17.000 And my buddy, Matt Edgar, and I would go to that Starbucks, horrible location, and we did all the worst comedy writing you can ever imagine.

02:59:24.000 And I was telling her that we did everything completely backwards.

02:59:32.000 We were literally going, well, what do people think is funny?

02:59:36.000 What do people see?

02:59:37.000 Let's see, there's a dog, so let's go.

02:59:39.000 People have dogs, people walk dogs.

02:59:42.000 We were just doing everything wrong, wondering what everyone else thought was funny instead of what we thought was funny.

02:59:48.000 You know what I mean?

02:59:50.000 Just completely backwards, but that intersection reminds me so deeply of being...

02:59:55.000 Not only bad, but just completely unaware.

02:59:59.000 Complete opposite mentality, in fact.

03:00:02.000 Trying to think of what other people would think would be funny.

03:00:06.000 And trying to figure out how to get the laughs.

03:00:09.000 It's like a magic fairy dust that you see occasionally at night and you try to catch it in a net.

03:00:16.000 Like, how do I get it?

03:00:17.000 How do I get those laughs?

03:00:19.000 Maybe you get a little bitty laugh and then the next show it's like a little better and then you bomb the next show after that like, no!

03:00:27.000 You come off stage embarrassed, just feeling terrible about yourself, and the worst is when you bomb and then someone goes on after you and kills, and lets you know it's not the room, it's you.

03:00:38.000 Oh yeah.

03:00:39.000 Oh, it's you.

03:00:39.000 I think maybe I told you this story before, but one of my first gigs on the road was opening up for Sam Tripoli, and halfway up on the trip, we were going to Modesto, and halfway up, and by the way, I'm intimidated at this time by Sam.

03:00:54.000 I am honored to have this gig.

03:00:57.000 I think I'm going to get paid for this.

03:00:59.000 I might get 20, 40, who knows, bucks.

03:01:01.000 This is crazy to me.

03:01:03.000 So I'm pretty reserved and just chilling during this drive.

03:01:07.000 And halfway up, I remember going, what is this gig that we're doing?

03:01:10.000 You said it was a private gig.

03:01:11.000 He goes, yeah, bro, it's a convention for all the owners of 7-Elevens.

03:01:17.000 I'm not good at impressions.

03:01:18.000 And he goes, it's a convention for all the 7-Eleven owners from all around the country.

03:01:23.000 And I laugh.

03:01:24.000 Like, I thought he was making a joke.

03:01:26.000 I truly did.

03:01:27.000 And I didn't want to follow up.

03:01:28.000 Like, hey, you're kidding, right?

03:01:29.000 Because I didn't want to be the annoying opener guy, right?

03:01:32.000 You told me about this.

03:01:33.000 And I swear to God, it actually was.

03:01:35.000 A convention of 7-Eleven owners from around the country.

03:01:39.000 It was a nightmare.

03:01:40.000 And I'm eating it.

03:01:41.000 I mean, and I had to do like five minutes and he said I had to be clean.

03:01:45.000 Yeah.

03:01:46.000 I literally, I don't think I had 20 seconds of clean material to my name, but I'm trying my best.

03:01:52.000 And there's only one laugh you can hear, and it's from the back of the room, and it's...

03:01:57.000 Triple E! Yeah, and with the oldest camera phone, this is like 13, 14 years ago, it's him and he's recording me.

03:02:06.000 I remember it was like a flip phone, and him just laughing and recording it. 0.90

03:02:10.000 I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

03:02:13.000 And by the way, my point with telling this story is, guess what? 0.98

03:02:16.000 He went up and within 20 seconds just smashed city.

03:02:20.000 Everybody's turning their chairs around to face him.

03:02:22.000 Like, it was a debacle when I was up there.

03:02:25.000 Just the hottest death.

03:02:26.000 Only Sam laughing.

03:02:28.000 And he went up there and just...

03:02:31.000 You know, had him.

03:02:32.000 Because he actually was mentally prepared for a convention of 7-Eleven owners.

03:02:36.000 So he's up there making jokes.

03:02:38.000 Like, you guys are looking at me like I work at ExxonMobil.

03:02:40.000 And he's just getting these huge laughs.

03:02:45.000 He also was laughing because he knew.

03:02:47.000 Like, we all go through that stage, you know?

03:02:50.000 We all go through that stage in the beginning.

03:02:52.000 We're just not that good.

03:02:53.000 You have bad moments, bad times.

03:02:55.000 It's a beautiful art form that everybody's got their own path.

03:02:58.000 You've got to figure it out.

03:02:59.000 If you stick around long enough, you'll find what's funny about what you think.

03:03:06.000 You'll find it.

03:03:09.000 But it's not easy.

03:03:12.000 It's not easy.

03:03:13.000 It's a weird art form.

03:03:14.000 And to have that art form being controlled by other people.

03:03:19.000 One of the most brilliant things that Mitzi Shore ever did at the comedy store is she let the inmates run the asylum. 1.00

03:03:26.000 She really did.

03:03:27.000 She just let us run amok. 1.00

03:03:31.000 She just let us go on stage, say whatever they want. 0.99

03:03:34.000 Occasionally she didn't like some of my bits. 0.89

03:03:35.000 She'd tell me, that was disgusting. 0.89

03:03:41.000 She had these ideas about putting you in tough spots, which was very valuable because everybody wants to do well.

03:03:48.000 People want to go on after people that aren't that good because they don't want a lot of pressure.

03:03:53.000 She would always put you in tough spots and she would let you just run amok.

03:03:57.000 And she let the comics sort of figure out how to do it on their own. 1.00

03:04:03.000 And that's really what comedy needs.

03:04:06.000 Every comic, female, male, gay, straight, they all need to figure out what it is about the way they think.

03:04:17.000 What's the best way to optimize their thoughts?

03:04:21.000 To get it out there and find out what is it about what they see and think and say that's really funny.

03:04:27.000 And it's the best way to say it.

03:04:29.000 And everybody's just different.

03:04:30.000 You can tell people principles of comedy.

03:04:33.000 You can sort of teach them a little bit about economy of words and how to conceal a punchline, how to set things up and make it not so obvious when the punchline rolls around.

03:04:43.000 How to squeeze the most out of a premise, but don't beat it into the ground.

03:04:48.000 There's little subtle things you learn over time.

03:04:50.000 But what makes you funny versus what makes another person funny, Sebastian funny?

03:04:57.000 It's very different.

03:04:57.000 It's a good example, Sebastian, right?

03:05:00.000 Hilarious, but extremely different than you.

03:05:03.000 100%.

03:05:04.000 And if he had to coach you to do comedy his way, you wouldn't do it.

03:05:08.000 It wouldn't work.

03:05:09.000 And then if you had to coach him to do comedy your way, It wouldn't work.

03:05:14.000 Yeah.

03:05:14.000 It wouldn't work.

03:05:16.000 Comedy's a fucking weird art form, man. 0.99

03:05:18.000 You know, I once suggested a joke to him. 0.99

03:05:20.000 I don't know if I ever told you this story, but I fucking love it.

03:05:24.000 So, I once connected to a Chipotle that, weirdly enough, Sebastian and I would sometimes run into each other there. 0.73

03:05:32.000 Because we both like Chipotle, believe it or not.

03:05:35.000 Good spot.

03:05:36.000 Yeah, there's a place connected to it at our location called Bibbombop.

03:05:40.000 And I went in there once, and I literally felt...

03:05:44.000 It's the only time I ever felt like I was inside of a Sebastian bit.

03:05:49.000 I'm just going to keep it super short.

03:05:51.000 But I ended up thinking that, and then that night I saw Sebastian at the comedy store.

03:05:56.000 And I'm always very, almost shy when it comes to Sebastian, and basically only Sebastian, because he sort of reminds me of my...

03:06:04.000 Italian father and that side of the family and the whole thing.

03:06:08.000 So it's like, even though I find it hilarious, there's also this part where I'm just sort of like intimidated by a cool Italian guy.

03:06:15.000 So I gather all my courage one day in the hallway and I go up to Sebastian.

03:06:20.000 I go, Sebastian, you know, I think, have you ever tried the place that's connected to the Chipolis?

03:06:26.000 Like, what are you talking about?

03:06:27.000 I'm like, I think you have to try this place out because I feel like I was inside of one of your bits.

03:06:32.000 Yeah.

03:06:33.000 And I'm like, it's this place called Bibimbap, and it's like, you have to, like, make your own Asian bowl.

03:06:39.000 It's a whole thing.

03:06:40.000 It's, like, puzzling, but you just have to try it, because it's healthy, and you'll enjoy it.

03:06:45.000 And I think he could sort of feel, like, my, like, nervousness and, like, The tension that I had riding on this moment.

03:06:50.000 And it was just me and him in that hallway right by the swing doors.

03:06:53.000 And he goes, what was it called again?

03:06:56.000 Bib and bop.

03:06:58.000 And he like does it Sebastian style. 1.00

03:07:02.000 And I fucking died, man. 0.99

03:07:04.000 I wanted to like just run out of the building. 1.00

03:07:07.000 So cool.

03:07:08.000 Did you ever bring that up to him years later?

03:07:10.000 No.

03:07:11.000 No.

03:07:13.000 Who knows?

03:07:13.000 He might have one by now.

03:07:15.000 But probably not.

03:07:16.000 Uncomfortable moments when you're first starting out?

03:07:18.000 Yeah. 0.96

03:07:19.000 Fucking hilarious when you look back as you become an established comedian. 0.99

03:07:24.000 One time Dice met my mom. 0.98

03:07:26.000 He was super nice.

03:07:27.000 This was like 13, 14 years ago.

03:07:31.000 I introduced Dice to my mom and he was so nice to her.

03:07:35.000 And then I found out from like Eleanor the next day or something like that.

03:07:40.000 She's like, yeah, he made me wash his glove off.

03:07:43.000 He was disgusted shaking him.

03:07:44.000 It was like something about how you find out he didn't really want to shake my mom's hand.

03:07:49.000 Well, Dice is a bit of a germaphobe.

03:07:51.000 Right, of course.

03:07:52.000 That's why he wears those weightlifting gloves.

03:07:54.000 Yeah, and I get it, but it's always worth the more you find out.

03:07:59.000 I know. 0.98

03:08:01.000 Does Dice still do all that crazy shit on his Instagram? 0.99

03:08:04.000 He's doing these little one-minute things on his Instagram, a lot of them with Eleanor. 0.98

03:08:10.000 Pre-COVID, they would do a lot of little things from the gym, little things they'd plan out.

03:08:15.000 He's so great.

03:08:16.000 I love the part of him in that Comedy Store documentary.

03:08:19.000 That thing was awesome, huh?

03:08:20.000 It's pretty wild.

03:08:21.000 Yeah.

03:08:22.000 Pretty sad to know that it's not open.

03:08:26.000 You know, watch that and see the incredible history of it and know that if that documentary came out while it was open, that place would be sold out for a year.

03:08:35.000 Right.

03:08:36.000 I mean, people would just buy tickets in advance.

03:08:38.000 It'd be one of those things.

03:08:39.000 You know, some restaurants, you can't get a reservation for the next five months.

03:08:42.000 That's how the Comedy Store would be.

03:08:44.000 Yeah.

03:08:44.000 Because it would go from being a place that was sold out every night to a place that sold out in advance.

03:08:51.000 Yeah.

03:08:53.000 They could give away season passes to the Comedy Store.

03:08:56.000 Yeah.

03:08:56.000 I mean, they really could.

03:08:59.000 Hey! 0.99

03:09:03.000 They did a lot of sketches.

03:09:05.000 It's so fun.

03:09:07.000 Well, Eleanor was the best because she was a waitress for so long before she was ever a comic. 0.99

03:09:12.000 So she knew how fucking crazy comedians were. 0.96

03:09:16.000 Like, she really got a sense of how completely insane so many comics are. 1.00

03:09:23.000 And then decided, that's me.

03:09:25.000 I gotta do that.

03:09:26.000 What am I doing?

03:09:27.000 Why am I doing waiting tables?

03:09:28.000 I need to do stand-up.

03:09:29.000 Like, she was a waitress for like 20 years before she ever did stand-up.

03:09:32.000 Yeah, she's... 0.99

03:09:34.000 Literally the best.

03:09:35.000 She's hilarious.

03:09:36.000 She's a great...

03:09:38.000 I don't think it was 20 years, but it was at least 10. She was a great judge of whether or not someone was good.

03:09:45.000 I would ask her.

03:09:46.000 I would go, hey, did you see that guy?

03:09:47.000 He's here from New York.

03:09:48.000 He's supposed to be really funny.

03:09:49.000 She'd be like, eh... 1.00

03:09:51.000 I go, really?

03:09:51.000 She's like, like, really?

03:09:54.000 And you'd go see if she'd tell you someone's a hack.

03:09:56.000 You believed her.

03:09:57.000 Like, she's seen every joke.

03:09:59.000 Those waitresses are there from 8 p.m. 0.99

03:10:02.000 to 2 a.m. 1.00

03:10:03.000 every fucking night. 1.00

03:10:06.000 Serving drinks and hearing jokes over and over and over again. 1.00

03:10:09.000 For Eleanor, just like a seed grew into a tree. 1.00

03:10:12.000 She's like, fuck, I gotta do this. 0.98

03:10:14.000 She was one of the original people that helped me at the store. 0.99

03:10:17.000 I think she helped me get a job.

03:10:18.000 She helped me keep that job.

03:10:20.000 She was a huge... 0.98

03:10:22.000 She's a big part of the inner workings of the store, too.

03:10:25.000 Yeah, well, she was one of those important backbones of the store that you really didn't get much of in that documentary. 0.72

03:10:32.000 It's not just the comics that work there.

03:10:34.000 There's a thing to that place.

03:10:36.000 It's the folks that work behind the bar, the managers, the everything.

03:10:41.000 There's a lot going on in a place like that.

03:10:43.000 It's the most important part to the people that know about it, like us.

03:10:47.000 And you can't, that's like a thing that you can't just have good talent at a club.

03:10:53.000 You also have to have good talent in terms of like the management and the wait staff.

03:10:57.000 You have to have people that are cool.

03:10:58.000 Like you want to see them, they want to see you, everybody's friendly.

03:11:01.000 Like we would go to the back bar and everybody would be like, what's up?

03:11:04.000 It was always very friendly, always.

03:11:06.000 And some of the people that work there are funnier than some of the comedians.

03:11:08.000 We know that for a fact.

03:11:10.000 Yeah.

03:11:10.000 That's true.

03:11:10.000 Rose, Carrie.

03:11:12.000 We would try to get Rose to do comedy forever. 1.00

03:11:14.000 Yeah.

03:11:15.000 Right?

03:11:15.000 How long did we try to get Rose to do comedy?

03:11:17.000 And she could.

03:11:17.000 She also looks more like a rock star than most of the comedians.

03:11:22.000 Acts like one.

03:11:23.000 100% could have been a comic or could still be a comic.

03:11:26.000 She might go the Eleanor route.

03:11:27.000 One day just decide to dive in. 0.99

03:11:29.000 Just start killing. 0.97

03:11:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:11:31.000 Punky's now on Saturday Night Live.

03:11:32.000 Yep.

03:11:33.000 What?

03:11:33.000 Not surprised.

03:11:35.000 What?

03:11:35.000 Yep.

03:11:35.000 Punky goes from being one of the bartenders at the Comedy Store to being a cast member on Saturday Night Live.

03:11:40.000 She officially quit as a bartender after being hired on Saturday Night Live as a full-time cast member.

03:11:48.000 She was still technically a bartender at the Comedy Store.

03:11:51.000 That's amazing.

03:11:53.000 And she never stopped or slowed down the entire time she was going, working, killing. 0.92

03:12:00.000 Yeah, there's a lot of hustle in that building, man.

03:12:03.000 A lot of hustle in that building.

03:12:05.000 There's a lot of people that were out there trying to make it happen.

03:12:09.000 A lot of people went on road gigs and...

03:12:13.000 A lot of people out there that were responsible for keeping that club awesome that had nothing to do with telling jokes.

03:12:19.000 You know?

03:12:20.000 Danny the sound guy.

03:12:22.000 Huge.

03:12:22.000 You know?

03:12:23.000 We've known these guys forever.

03:12:24.000 Jeff Scott.

03:12:25.000 Same deal.

03:12:26.000 Known Jeff Scott forever.

03:12:28.000 There's a lot of what the Comedy Store Is the melt of everybody.

03:12:36.000 All the artists and the employees and the management and the staff, the waitresses, the waiters, the bartenders, everybody.

03:12:44.000 Everybody together.

03:12:45.000 It created this cool family vibe that we would go there and everybody would be fun.

03:12:51.000 And you'd see people hammered more than not.

03:12:55.000 And everybody was cool.

03:12:56.000 They kept it together.

03:12:57.000 It was a good place to be.

03:12:59.000 Yeah.

03:13:00.000 If we do anything out here, we have to pay special attention to that.

03:13:04.000 Like, it can't just be staff and comics.

03:13:10.000 Like, we gotta find cool people.

03:13:12.000 Right.

03:13:13.000 Gotta find cool people, and you gotta find cool people that like each other.

03:13:18.000 Like, that's hard too.

03:13:19.000 The worst is like when you would hear like management squabbles.

03:13:22.000 You know what she said? 1.00

03:13:23.000 This fucking bitch? 1.00

03:13:23.000 As soon as we were shut down, she's like, and I was like, and then they go to management, and then you know there's a squabble, and like there was a few of those at the store before they found the right mixture. 1.00

03:13:33.000 You know, like, what did she say to you?

03:13:35.000 What did she say to you?

03:13:35.000 She didn't say nothing.

03:13:36.000 Oh, let me tell you what she said.

03:13:38.000 Yeah.

03:13:38.000 Everybody was, like, upset at this girl.

03:13:40.000 You could always tell when someone wasn't going to last, like, two or three weeks either.

03:13:44.000 Like, a waitress with a bad attitude, it's like, oh, you don't know. 1.00

03:13:48.000 That's so funny.

03:13:50.000 Waitresses that would correct comedians on their jokes? 1.00

03:13:52.000 That would be the best.

03:13:53.000 You know, what you're saying is really, really rude and not accurate.

03:13:57.000 What?

03:13:59.000 You see the comic turn around like, what is happening here?

03:14:02.000 It's the only place where a comedian can give you a red slip or whatever, a pink slip.

03:14:07.000 It's interesting, too, to watch people get busted for stealing.

03:14:10.000 That's the thing.

03:14:11.000 You're around thieves.

03:14:13.000 They're like, just charge them a little more.

03:14:16.000 Charge them a little more.

03:14:18.000 You know, that little temptation.

03:14:20.000 They look a little drunk.

03:14:21.000 It's 500. You're like, oh...

03:14:28.000 Especially if you think people are paying cash.

03:14:30.000 Oh yeah.

03:14:31.000 Charge them a little more.

03:14:32.000 They're not paying attention.

03:14:34.000 Tack a few drinks onto that bill.

03:14:36.000 Oh, yeah.

03:14:37.000 Some clubs have a scam going.

03:14:39.000 Like, there was a place that I worked at in Boston that had a scam going.

03:14:41.000 They got busted.

03:14:42.000 The waitresses and the bartender had a scam. 0.92

03:14:45.000 They would tack drinks on.

03:14:49.000 Add a few drinks on the bill.

03:14:51.000 Interesting.

03:14:52.000 Yeah.

03:14:53.000 Charge people just a little bit more than they're supposed to get charged for things.

03:14:56.000 And just hope that in the dark at the end, trying to rush out of there, they didn't notice.

03:15:01.000 No, they split up the money.

03:15:02.000 They would have X amount of drinks.

03:15:06.000 So the waiter would bring them up for...

03:15:10.000 Say if people wanted three Cokes.

03:15:13.000 Cokes aren't something you track.

03:15:14.000 It's syrup.

03:15:15.000 So for three Cokes, they would charge the person for the three Cokes, but the bartender would not charge the waitress for the three Cokes.

03:15:24.000 So she would say, it's $32 for whatever you ordered, including the Three Cokes.

03:15:30.000 But the Three Cokes never made it into the official list.

03:15:33.000 Because this was back in No Computer Days.

03:15:36.000 1988. They had to write everything down.

03:15:38.000 Yeah. 0.88

03:15:40.000 Just thieves.

03:15:41.000 Stealing from the men. 0.98

03:15:42.000 I deserve more.

03:15:44.000 What I make is not enough.

03:15:46.000 Thieves.

03:15:47.000 You ever steal anything?

03:15:49.000 Yeah.

03:15:49.000 I got arrested stealing a candy bar when I was like 13, 12 or 13. They arrested you.

03:15:56.000 They wanted to teach you the hard way.

03:15:57.000 Not really.

03:15:57.000 Not arrested.

03:15:58.000 I should say I got accosted by security personnel and brought into a room for interrogation. 1.00

03:16:04.000 It just made me feel bad because I was a stupid kid that thought I could steal a candy bar without anybody watching. 1.00

03:16:09.000 Right. 1.00

03:16:09.000 They had eyes on us the moment we came to the place. 1.00

03:16:11.000 I think I'd probably stolen a few candy bars and I had decided I was pretty good at it.

03:16:15.000 Yeah.

03:16:17.000 It was so embarrassing.

03:16:19.000 So embarrassing.

03:16:20.000 So humiliating in front of my friends.

03:16:22.000 Yeah.

03:16:23.000 I'll never forget my friend Tom said this to me.

03:16:24.000 He goes, why'd you do that for?

03:16:26.000 He goes, did you do it for status?

03:16:28.000 I mean, that was what he said to me.

03:16:30.000 Wow.

03:16:31.000 That was the question, you know, when we were 13. And I was like, what a weird, I didn't have an answer.

03:16:36.000 I'm like, what a weird question.

03:16:37.000 Like, why did I do it?

03:16:38.000 Like, I didn't have a clear answer.

03:16:40.000 I did it because I wanted a candy bar and I didn't have any money, for sure.

03:16:43.000 But also I did it because there was a thrill to try to steal that candy bar and get away with it.

03:16:47.000 Yeah.

03:16:48.000 Because I did it a couple times.

03:16:49.000 And I recognized there's a thrill and walking to a store pretending...

03:16:54.000 Just taking something and putting it in your pocket.

03:16:56.000 And this dude just came up and grabbed him by my arm.

03:16:59.000 I was like, oh no.

03:17:01.000 Wow.

03:17:01.000 Yeah.

03:17:02.000 I don't remember who he called or how I got out of it.

03:17:06.000 I just remember I gave the candy bar back and they kicked me out of there.

03:17:10.000 So it wasn't like I was exaggerating when I got arrested.

03:17:14.000 I don't even think he was a cop.

03:17:15.000 He was a security guard.

03:17:16.000 But I don't think there was real repercussions.

03:17:20.000 I don't even know if my parents found out about it.

03:17:23.000 I think I just got kicked out of there. 0.85

03:17:24.000 But they scared the shit out of me.

03:17:26.000 Do you remember what candy bar it was?

03:17:29.000 I think it was a Hershey's bar.

03:17:32.000 I think it was a... 0.95

03:17:33.000 That's all I'm getting in my head when I'm reaching back into my shitty memory. 0.94

03:17:37.000 Just a plain chocolate bar? 0.98

03:17:38.000 Yep.

03:17:38.000 That's what I liked.

03:17:39.000 I like the ones with almonds.

03:17:41.000 Oh yeah, those are good.

03:17:42.000 Those are good.

03:17:42.000 Hershey's with almonds.

03:17:43.000 I like them plain too though, dude.

03:17:45.000 Mr. Good Bar?

03:17:46.000 Come on.

03:17:47.000 That's Hershey's with peanuts. 0.96

03:17:48.000 It's pretty goddamn good. 0.97

03:17:49.000 Oh, Henry's pretty goddamn good, too. 0.95

03:17:51.000 How about that? 0.89

03:17:53.000 100 grand?

03:17:54.000 Pretty good.

03:17:56.000 Snickers overrated, right?

03:17:58.000 No.

03:17:59.000 What are you, a communist?

03:18:01.000 The nougat?

03:18:02.000 There's too much nougat.

03:18:03.000 What?

03:18:03.000 Oh my god.

03:18:04.000 Jesus Christ, stop.

03:18:06.000 Anybody ever just raw dog go for nougat?

03:18:09.000 Nope.

03:18:09.000 Straight up nougat bar?

03:18:10.000 Mike, that's a good point. 1.00

03:18:12.000 Milky Way fucking sucks because of nougat. 1.00

03:18:14.000 Too much nougat. 1.00

03:18:14.000 What's a nougat look like? 1.00

03:18:16.000 You ever seen nougat? 1.00

03:18:16.000 That white horse shit. 1.00

03:18:17.000 I know, but outside of a candy bar, you ever seen a nougat? 1.00

03:18:19.000 No.

03:18:19.000 What does nougat look like?

03:18:20.000 I don't know where you find it.

03:18:21.000 Where do you buy nougat?

03:18:22.000 How do you make it?

03:18:23.000 Is it real?

03:18:24.000 No one knows. 0.98

03:18:24.000 Did they make nougat up just to fucking validate the extra space in Snickers bars? 0.98

03:18:29.000 That's just some semi-sugary horse shit. 1.00

03:18:32.000 It is. 1.00

03:18:33.000 It's not that good.

03:18:34.000 Nougat's just dead air.

03:18:36.000 By itself, it's terrible. 0.99

03:18:38.000 But if I had to choose, I would go Reese's Peanut Butter Cups over all those bitches. 1.00

03:18:43.000 Absolutely. 1.00

03:18:43.000 You can't beat them. 1.00

03:18:44.000 You can't beat it.

03:18:45.000 Just chocolate and peanut butter.

03:18:46.000 There's no wrong way to eat one.

03:18:48.000 What do you think nougat's made of? 1.00

03:18:49.000 Shit. 1.00

03:18:50.000 Human shit. 1.00

03:18:52.000 Milk, malt. 1.00

03:18:53.000 It's like three ingredients.

03:18:56.000 Really?

03:18:56.000 Yeah.

03:18:57.000 One of them is sugar, so I'll let you have that one.

03:18:59.000 Sugar.

03:19:00.000 Eggs?

03:19:00.000 Sugar or honey, it says.

03:19:03.000 Eggs?

03:19:04.000 Whipped egg whites.

03:19:05.000 Okay.

03:19:06.000 And then there's one more thing in it, I guess. 1.00

03:19:07.000 Shit. 1.00

03:19:08.000 That's where the shit comes from. 1.00

03:19:09.000 It says nuts and or fruit. 1.00

03:19:11.000 Nuts and or fruit?

03:19:12.000 Yeah, what is nougat made of is what I'm looking at.

03:19:15.000 Nougat.

03:19:16.000 Yeah, that's a good point on nougat.

03:19:18.000 Aerated whipped egg whites and boiled sugar syrup.

03:19:21.000 It just takes up space.

03:19:22.000 Makes your candy bar seem thicker.

03:19:24.000 Yeah.

03:19:25.000 Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, you just got some good peanut butter and some good chocolate.

03:19:28.000 Can't mess it up.

03:19:29.000 You know, there's a dude who took all the peanut butter out of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

03:19:33.000 They, like, surgically chopped up the peanut part and, like, tried to eat it as peanut butter and said it was terrible.

03:19:41.000 Huh.

03:19:42.000 It doesn't really taste like peanut butter.

03:19:44.000 Interesting.

03:19:44.000 Yeah, because if you think about it, when you're eating it, they call it peanut butter cup, but it's not really peanut butter.

03:19:50.000 It's something that's like peanut butter, but it doesn't taste like peanut butter.

03:19:55.000 Because, you know, it's like, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter.

03:19:58.000 Remember those old commercials?

03:19:59.000 Yeah.

03:19:59.000 They bump into each other in the street.

03:20:00.000 One guy was eating a chocolate bar, and the other guy was eating a peanut butter, and they would dip it in and start eating.

03:20:05.000 Hey, this is pretty damn good.

03:20:07.000 And they'd both be sharing it.

03:20:09.000 You ever seen these videos of the food surgeon where he's literally taking surgical tools and taking candy and cutting it apart like it's a surgery?

03:20:17.000 Wow.

03:20:18.000 This is called a transplant where he takes Oreo cream and puts it inside of a Reese's cup. 0.96

03:20:24.000 This guy for sure has killed people.

03:20:25.000 Yeah, absolutely.

03:20:27.000 This guy's Dexter all day.

03:20:28.000 I could see him doing that to someone's eyeballs while they're strapped to a table with a vice clamping their head down.

03:20:33.000 It cleans it all the way out as carefully as possible. 0.99

03:20:37.000 This is ridiculous. 0.79

03:20:38.000 And then he puts Reese's in there? 0.95

03:20:40.000 Or Oreos in there?

03:20:42.000 He covers it back up.

03:20:42.000 Oh, is it good?

03:20:44.000 I would imagine.

03:20:45.000 He should say.

03:20:46.000 I want to hear if it's good.

03:20:48.000 Imagination.

03:20:49.000 Wow.

03:20:50.000 I do enjoy chocolate and peanut butter though.

03:20:54.000 I really do enjoy the two of them together even more than I enjoy Reese's peanut butter cups.

03:20:58.000 I buy dark chocolate and I buy peanut butter and just scoop it up and just eat it.

03:21:03.000 Amazing. 1.00

03:21:03.000 Organic peanut butter is great but it's annoying because you got to fucking stir that shit. 1.00

03:21:08.000 You got to get that... 1.00

03:21:11.000 When you have real, regular peanut butter, that is the most annoying fucking thing before you eat it. 0.99

03:21:17.000 You're gonna spill it all over the table. 0.97

03:21:19.000 And what's the proper tool? 0.55

03:21:21.000 Has anybody ever figured out the proper tool for taking organic peanut butter and getting that shitty oil off the top of it and getting it into the peanut?

03:21:28.000 No.

03:21:29.000 Butter knife.

03:21:30.000 But that's not enough.

03:21:32.000 It's like the one thing that people do where there's no tool for or they desperately needs a tool.

03:21:37.000 Hey Shark Tank.

03:21:38.000 One of those Theraguns with like a thing on the bottom.

03:21:42.000 We need a, what's it called?

03:21:45.000 Accessory or attachment.

03:21:46.000 You need some kind of mixing device.

03:21:49.000 Some stabbing sort of mixing device.

03:21:51.000 But it's amazing that none exist.

03:21:54.000 Think of all the things that people do in the kitchen, right?

03:21:57.000 Can openers exist.

03:21:59.000 Blenders exist. 0.96

03:22:00.000 Whisks, they exist.

03:22:02.000 Pizza slicer.

03:22:03.000 So many things exist.

03:22:05.000 You can figure it out on your own. 1.00

03:22:06.000 I don't need a fucking pizza slicer. 1.00

03:22:09.000 Peanut butter mixer. 1.00

03:22:10.000 A peanut butter mixer.

03:22:11.000 Yeah.

03:22:12.000 How do these people mix their peanut butter? 0.75

03:22:14.000 Show me how.

03:22:15.000 What is the correct way to mix organic peanut butter?

03:22:18.000 I got a fun fact for you.

03:22:20.000 Oh, hit me with it.

03:22:22.000 1963, the Hershey Company bought the Reese's Company from the brothers.

03:22:29.000 They're probably on Coke.

03:22:30.000 They're like, we're going to buy everybody! 1.00

03:22:32.000 It took less than six years for the Risa Cup to become their top seller, beating the fucking chocolate bar. 0.99

03:22:37.000 Of course it did. 0.99

03:22:38.000 In 50 years. 1.00

03:22:38.000 They got a fucking city named after it. 1.00

03:22:40.000 Listen, I'm not stupid. 1.00

03:22:41.000 It's better. 0.71

03:22:43.000 It's better than just plain chocolate.

03:22:46.000 100%.

03:22:47.000 But what's better than Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is dark chocolate and peanut butter.

03:22:52.000 An actual peanut butter.

03:22:53.000 Dipping it in there and chewing it together.

03:22:55.000 That's better.

03:22:56.000 My thing lately?

03:22:57.000 Olives.

03:22:58.000 Red wine.

03:22:59.000 Crazy olives.

03:23:00.000 Give me your craziest olives from around the world.

03:23:02.000 What's a crazy olive? 0.99

03:23:03.000 I don't know.

03:23:04.000 The fancy ones at the fancy stores.

03:23:07.000 What'd he say?

03:23:08.000 Kalamata?

03:23:09.000 Go to a fancy French market or your Whole Foods.

03:23:13.000 Go to the olive section.

03:23:14.000 Get a variety.

03:23:15.000 Bottle of red wine.

03:23:17.000 Good night, Irene.

03:23:18.000 That's your move?

03:23:19.000 The rest is history.

03:23:20.000 That's your move?

03:23:21.000 You're an olive and red wine guy?

03:23:23.000 Yeah.

03:23:24.000 Is that what we're doing tonight?

03:23:25.000 We're going to have some olives and red wine?

03:23:26.000 Let's go.

03:23:27.000 I'll bring some olives.

03:23:27.000 I bought some today.

03:23:28.000 You bought olives today?

03:23:30.000 Yes, I did.

03:23:30.000 This is destiny.

03:23:32.000 This is crazy.

03:23:32.000 This is full circle.

03:23:33.000 You should get an olive tree.

03:23:34.000 They have olive trees, you know?

03:23:35.000 Yep.

03:23:36.000 Make your own olives.

03:23:37.000 That way you can...

03:23:37.000 I think it's a lengthy process.

03:23:40.000 Olive oil?

03:23:40.000 If you make olive oil...

03:23:42.000 Well, even olives themselves, like to eat the olives.

03:23:44.000 I think it's a long process.

03:23:46.000 I don't think it's like as simple as just like...

03:23:49.000 I have no idea.

03:23:50.000 I have no idea about the olive business.

03:23:54.000 Jamie has to pee.

03:23:55.000 He just left.

03:23:59.000 Some days I can't believe I don't have to pee yet.

03:24:01.000 I was going to say, when I was peeing, I was thinking to myself, like, there must be...

03:24:07.000 Because I pee pretty casually.

03:24:08.000 You and I are friends.

03:24:09.000 I know that we'll hang out again no matter what.

03:24:12.000 But most people that do this show, I'll bet you, I'll bet you, like, maybe 15 to 20% of all of your hours of show, the guest has had to pee.

03:24:24.000 Oh, yeah.

03:24:25.000 Yeah.

03:24:25.000 It's almost like hot ones, but it's like for peeing.

03:24:31.000 Because I realized during the Ross Perot part of this, I was really, and it happened last time I did it too, it's really hard to focus on anything.

03:24:40.000 When you have to pee.

03:24:41.000 When you really have to pee.

03:24:43.000 And before this show, also, for the listeners, you have to factor in, you know you're going to talk with Joe Rogan, so you drink water, and you drink coffee, and you want to get in the right mind space, and then...

03:24:55.000 Whiskey comes into the mix out of nowhere at one in the afternoon and your body tries to flush itself.

03:25:02.000 Yep.

03:25:02.000 And then you have to pee most of the time.

03:25:04.000 Then you have to pee.

03:25:05.000 So imagine how bad the guest has to pee when they say they have to pee.

03:25:09.000 That's like final level.

03:25:10.000 They can't think.

03:25:11.000 They can't hear you anymore.

03:25:12.000 This is the look in your face.

03:25:13.000 Ready?

03:25:14.000 This is you.

03:25:14.000 Ready?

03:25:18.000 I heard a ringing in my ears at the end of it.

03:25:22.000 You got to a point where it's like, oh no.

03:25:25.000 There was a part where I was gonna bail out, but you were talking about something interesting, and I did the two-handed headphone grab, where you grab each ear for a second, but then I'm like, no.

03:25:35.000 Hang in there!

03:25:36.000 Hang in there!

03:25:39.000 We can wrap it up, man.

03:25:40.000 It's already 4.30.

03:25:41.000 We got a show tonight.

03:25:42.000 But I'm glad we did it.

03:25:44.000 Jamie had to pee, too?

03:25:45.000 It was burning, huh?

03:25:46.000 When he went, I had to go, and I was like, alright, I'll hold it.

03:25:49.000 We're 30 minutes past three hours.

03:25:51.000 I can wait for hours now.

03:25:53.000 But sometimes I can't.

03:25:54.000 I'm not 100% consistent.

03:25:56.000 Sometimes I have to pee. 0.99

03:25:58.000 Like, in the middle of the show, I have to fucking pee. 0.99

03:25:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:26:00.000 I think it depends on how much I pee through the day.

03:26:02.000 Like, the real problem is if I drink too much after a workout, like a lot of times I'll have a hard workout and then I'll drink like a couple of liters of water, and then I gotta pee for hours, like every hour, like every hour for hours.

03:26:14.000 So I might get here only an hour after I've done working out, and even though I haven't had much to drink during the show, I gotta pee again. 0.99

03:26:20.000 Like, fuck. 0.99

03:26:21.000 It definitely has a lot to do with your working out and how much you're sweating. 1.00

03:26:24.000 We golfed a couple months ago in 110 degree weather.

03:26:28.000 Where at?

03:26:29.000 In the valley, Woodland Hills, or Woodley Park, or Woodley Lakes.

03:26:35.000 Anyway, and they didn't have...

03:26:37.000 No, it was Encino Balboa.

03:26:39.000 Anyway, it doesn't matter.

03:26:40.000 They didn't have carts available when we went, so we all walked that day.

03:26:44.000 And it was like, again, a true 110 degrees. 0.99

03:26:48.000 Jimmy Schubert was out there fucking struggling. 0.98

03:26:51.000 Jimmy's got an artificial hip, right? 0.99

03:26:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:26:54.000 He's out there sweating bullets.

03:26:55.000 I gave him his first liquid IV out there.

03:26:57.000 I shared some of mine with him.

03:26:58.000 It was like having a canteen in the desert.

03:27:00.000 There's a guy that went from limping to walking perfectly.

03:27:04.000 Yep.

03:27:04.000 There's a guy where medical science, like, remember he always has that hitch in his step?

03:27:08.000 Oh, it's unbelievable how hard he had that hitch.

03:27:10.000 You could see the bend in his leg.

03:27:12.000 And when I first met him in, like, whatever it was, like, 94, 95, something like that, he didn't have a limp at all.

03:27:17.000 Wow.

03:27:18.000 Yeah.

03:27:19.000 Slowly over time, it got bad towards the end, and then all of a sudden he was gone.

03:27:23.000 I looked at him, I go, dude, you're not even limping.

03:27:26.000 He goes, yeah, I got it all fixed. 0.54

03:27:27.000 I got it all fucking up here and down there. 0.97

03:27:29.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.98

03:27:31.000 But we didn't pee that day.

03:27:33.000 We noted that we didn't have to pee because we were sweating so much.

03:27:36.000 Oh, that makes sense.

03:27:38.000 Yeah, if you sweat enough, you don't have to pee too much.

03:27:42.000 Yeah.

03:27:42.000 Yeah, if you're doing really hard cardio and sweating for long hours, I bet it's rare that you pee.

03:27:49.000 Dude, I'm so happy you're here.

03:27:51.000 Yeah, we live in Austin, Texas.

03:27:53.000 Cheers.

03:27:53.000 Absolutely.

03:27:54.000 I'm so happy you moved out here, for real.

03:27:57.000 I'm happy Maura moving.

03:27:59.000 It's cool.

03:28:00.000 Segura's moving out here.

03:28:01.000 A lot of people are moving out here.

03:28:02.000 It's exciting.

03:28:03.000 It's good to be free. 0.98

03:28:04.000 And when the clubs start opening and we get the scene happening out here, man, I think we could do some big shit. 0.99

03:28:10.000 And I think a big part of that is going to be Kill Tony. 0.87

03:28:13.000 And the reason why I think it is because I think Kill Tony is the best show that's ever existed in terms of putting potential talent into a compromising situation.

03:28:25.000 We're doing one minute You get your name drawn out of a hat.

03:28:29.000 You have no idea you're gonna go on stage until you're on stage.

03:28:31.000 You have professionals judging your act and mocking you.

03:28:34.000 You got Jeremiah in the crew and everybody's shenanigans and craziness. 1.00

03:28:40.000 It's a great fucking show, man. 0.99

03:28:42.000 And it's a show that is amazing for young talent. 1.00

03:28:46.000 It really is.

03:28:47.000 It's amazing for comics that get a chance to go up In that wild environment, and also it creates a community.

03:28:55.000 It creates a community of fans, and it created a community of people that do the show, and have been on the show, and the regulars of the show, and then they get a chance to be on other little shows.

03:29:04.000 It gives them a little bit of momentum.

03:29:05.000 It gives them a springboard.

03:29:07.000 And again, establishes the community.

03:29:10.000 Having Kill Tony here in Austin is going to be one of the big things to get the community going.

03:29:15.000 Because the community is not just Ron White and me and whoever else decides to come live here.

03:29:20.000 The community is the people coming up.

03:29:23.000 That's the big thing.

03:29:24.000 And the people coming up that have the same ethic that we have.

03:29:27.000 What's funny?

03:29:28.000 We're just trying to be funny. 0.98

03:29:30.000 We're just trying to be ridiculous. 0.96

03:29:32.000 And mock each other and mock everything and know that you're a part of an art form. 0.88

03:29:39.000 And it's an art form that's protected by the people that do it.

03:29:43.000 We know what you're doing.

03:29:44.000 We're not going to pretend you don't.

03:29:46.000 The people that do pretend you don't, they're doing a terrible disservice. 0.99

03:29:50.000 The people that are comics that pretend that someone really means something when they're saying something ridiculous, you're doing a terrible disservice to hilarious shit. 0.99

03:29:58.000 Right. 0.87

03:29:59.000 You're cutting back on the chances that a person will take.

03:30:04.000 Comics need to be protected by other comics. 0.99

03:30:08.000 And in this time, I think it's very important that we reinforce that because this is the last frontier when it comes to saying wild shit. 0.98

03:30:15.000 Stand-up's the last frontier. 0.99

03:30:17.000 It's true.

03:30:17.000 And it's real important that we protect that.

03:30:21.000 It's real important we establish what that is.

03:30:23.000 It's not real cruelty.

03:30:24.000 It's not mean.

03:30:26.000 No, it's trying to be funny.

03:30:27.000 That's what it is.

03:30:28.000 It's trying to be funny.

03:30:30.000 Trying to be funny the way Kill Bill wasn't real violence.

03:30:33.000 Right.

03:30:33.000 Okay?

03:30:34.000 Yeah.

03:30:34.000 It's entertaining.

03:30:35.000 Yeah.

03:30:36.000 We're trying to be funny.

03:30:37.000 They're entertaining.

03:30:38.000 John Wick's not really killing anybody, folks.

03:30:40.000 You can sleep tight knowing you didn't see any murders.

03:30:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:30:43.000 You saw a fun fucking movie, though. 0.99

03:30:45.000 It's the same thing with stand-up. 0.99

03:30:46.000 It's like, you gotta understand what we're doing. 0.98

03:30:49.000 And to pretend, because we're just talking, we just have a microphone, there's no special effects, no Uma Thurman doing fucking backflips. 0.98

03:30:56.000 To pretend... 0.97

03:30:57.000 Zoe Bell doing the backflips.

03:30:59.000 That's her stuntwoman. 1.00

03:31:00.000 Oh, is it?

03:31:00.000 Yeah.

03:31:00.000 She's a freak stuntwoman.

03:31:02.000 Well, I'm sure.

03:31:03.000 Yeah.

03:31:03.000 You think Uma could do a back lip?

03:31:05.000 No.

03:31:05.000 Really?

03:31:06.000 Yeah.

03:31:06.000 Not with a sword in her hand either, right?

03:31:08.000 Point is, welcome to Texas.

03:31:11.000 I'm excited.

03:31:12.000 We did it.

03:31:12.000 Tonight.

03:31:13.000 Let's do it.

03:31:14.000 Tonight begins the first of our shows at Stubbs.

03:31:16.000 We're doing five of them here with Dave, and Dave's doing five of them on his own.

03:31:20.000 And then we get the ball rolling soon.

03:31:22.000 Tony Hinchcliffe, welcome to Texas.

03:31:24.000 Thanks, buddy.

03:31:24.000 Goodbye, everybody.

03:31:25.000 See ya!

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 30, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1586 - Tony Hinchcliffe

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Summary

Transcript