The Joe Rogan Experience - March 25, 2021


Joe Rogan Experience #1623 - Doug Stanhope

Topics
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Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Doug Stanhope
Mentioned
Jamie Cohen Joe Rogan Podcast Greg Chaley A.T. Brendan Walsh Austin Doug Stanhope Donald Trump Jr. Joey Coco Diaz Hunter S. Thompson Jesus Christ Bukowski Jerk Bobby Caldwell Adam Sandler Royce White Bobby Orr Josh Fox Tracy Mark Zuckerberg and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1622 - Marcus Luttrell Joe Rogan Experience #1624 - Mark Sisson

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 50 minutes

Words per minute

172.7

Word count

29,400

Sentence count

3,551

Harmful content

Misogyny

63

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,029

sentences flagged

Hate speech

39

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the comedian and podcaster talks about his upcoming trip to Arizona. He talks about how he packed for the trip, how he's been a shut-in for the past year, and what it's like to leave your house after a year of not leaving your house. He also talks about what it s like packing for a big trip, and how he s feeling about it. Also, he talks about why he doesn t want to wear pants again, and why he thinks he should wear pajamas instead of pants. And he talks a little bit about the weirdest thing he s been wearing for the last year, which is pajama pants. It s a good thing he hasn t worn them in a year, because he s going to need them in Arizona, which means he s not going to be comfortable in them. And that s not a bad thing, since he s leaving in less than a week and a half and is going to travel in a car with his wife and kids in the backseat of his car, and it s a 13-hour drive from Los Angeles to Phoenix, Arizona. And it s not like he s planning on going back to Los Angeles in the middle of the winter, which he s used to do, but now he s here in Arizona in the summer, and he s excited to go back to LA in the fall. And he s really excited about it, and can t wait to do it, so why not do it again? Check it out! - it s gonna be a lot of things. Joe Rogans podcast, check it out. - The Joe's Podcast by Day, by Night by Night by Night, all day, by night, by day, and by night by night - all day all day by day All day long, all by night. by day and all day long by night all day and night by day by night all by day. All by night and night, By night and day, by all day - by night with you re-listen to this is what it means Joe s Podcast by Night and Night by night! - By night, Joe s podcast by night? - Joe s Pajamas by day & all day with his life by night , by night... What s going through his life? By day, he s trying to figure out how to pack for his trip, what s he s wearing?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:15.000 Douglas. 0.99
00:00:16.000 I am fucking nervous. 0.99
00:00:18.000 Why? 0.99
00:00:18.000 For real? 0.99
00:00:19.000 Yeah.
00:00:19.000 Why?
00:00:20.000 No, it's a good thing. 0.99
00:00:22.000 I haven't left my fucking house in a year. 0.99
00:00:24.000 You've been totally locked up. 0.99
00:00:26.000 Well, I mean, I go to the grocery store.
00:00:28.000 How did you avoid getting it?
00:00:30.000 You didn't get it at all, right?
00:00:32.000 No.
00:00:32.000 The cooties?
00:00:33.000 No. 0.91
00:00:33.000 Because everyone I know is a shut-in, too. 0.91
00:00:36.000 And I fucking loved it. 0.99
00:00:39.000 I left a day after my year anniversary. 0.98
00:00:44.000 I packed a week before coming here.
00:00:47.000 So all you've done is go to the food store?
00:00:49.000 Yep.
00:00:49.000 Wow.
00:00:51.000 I went up to Phoenix for New Year's to see...
00:00:55.000 It's a long story.
00:00:56.000 To see a dog that I almost kept...
00:01:00.000 But I gave away. 0.98
00:01:01.000 Anyway, so yes, basically, no, I have not left fucking Bisbee, Arizona in a year. 0.98
00:01:06.000 Wow. 0.97
00:01:07.000 And I didn't think it affected me until I left.
00:01:11.000 It's like if you stayed in bed for a year going, I don't need to walk.
00:01:15.000 I know how to walk. 1.00
00:01:17.000 And then after a year, you're like, fuck my legs. 1.00
00:01:20.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:01:22.000 What feels the weirdest?
00:01:24.000 Just figuring out how to pack for the road.
00:01:28.000 I packed everything.
00:01:29.000 I drove, and I left Sunday to be here Wednesday.
00:01:33.000 It's a 13-hour drive.
00:01:35.000 I could have done it in one shot.
00:01:38.000 But I was so excited.
00:01:39.000 I'm going to leave on Sunday and just take the back roads.
00:01:44.000 I practiced talking on the phone before I came here.
00:01:48.000 An hour and a half before.
00:01:50.000 I'm just calling people.
00:01:52.000 I don't talk to anyone on the phone.
00:01:54.000 The only time I use the phone is to figure out where to meet you to talk.
00:01:59.000 I don't socialize on the phone.
00:02:01.000 You and I talk maybe twice a year tops.
00:02:04.000 And when I see it's you, I go, do I have an hour?
00:02:09.000 Okay, I'll make an hour because we don't...
00:02:11.000 But otherwise...
00:02:13.000 So I was like, I haven't talked to people other than, do you have a room available?
00:02:18.000 For three days.
00:02:19.000 Right.
00:02:20.000 Three and a half days.
00:02:21.000 So I was calling, you know, Bingo and Brian Hennigan going, just talk to me. 0.99
00:02:28.000 You know, I packed what I thought was a carload of shit. 0.95
00:02:33.000 I forgot vodka, which is my go-to drink, and a shirt. 0.99
00:02:38.000 I only had the t-shirt that I was wearing that after three days started to stink and I went, fuck, I didn't pack another shirt. 0.95
00:02:45.000 Did you go shirt shopping then? 0.98
00:02:46.000 Yeah, I went to the thrift store.
00:02:48.000 Oh.
00:02:48.000 Thrift store?
00:02:49.000 Yeah.
00:02:50.000 Of course.
00:02:50.000 Yes.
00:02:52.000 You notice I'm fucking, I didn't, like I brought two different suits, like goofy suits. 0.99
00:02:57.000 Right. 0.97
00:02:57.000 And I'm like, I've been wearing pajamas for a year. 0.97
00:03:00.000 I think I would be even more awkward if I was wearing a suit, especially with stupid hair. 0.99
00:03:05.000 When did the goofy suits become a thing with you? 1.00
00:03:07.000 Like what year?
00:03:08.000 Do you think that?
00:03:09.000 1989, it started in telemarketing because my mother would send me goofy suits like that because they had just gone out of style like in that earlier, that decade. 0.97
00:03:20.000 So they're, you know, fucking, it's like buying acid wash jeans now. 0.99
00:03:25.000 They're a fucking nickel a pair at the thrift store. 0.99
00:03:27.000 I think Jamie has a few pairs. 0.99
00:03:29.000 Do you have any of those?
00:03:29.000 Acid wash sweatpants.
00:03:31.000 Oh yeah, that's right.
00:03:32.000 Sweatpants. 1.00
00:03:34.000 Yeah, but that's your signature shit now. 1.00
00:03:37.000 The goofy suit. 1.00
00:03:39.000 Yeah, and I go, I don't think I'm ready to put on a goofy suit.
00:03:42.000 I don't know if it would clash with the goofy hair.
00:03:45.000 Because people will show up at my shows in goofy suits, but they'll have plaid on plaid, and you go, no, that doesn't work.
00:03:53.000 I accessorize perfectly in a goofy suit, but I go, I have the goofy hair now.
00:03:58.000 Is that like polka dots on plaid?
00:04:00.000 I don't know.
00:04:01.000 Right, have you gone too far?
00:04:02.000 Yeah, I want to be comfortable here, so I'm wearing pajamas like I have for the last year.
00:04:06.000 Why don't you just wear pajamas?
00:04:09.000 That's what I'm wearing.
00:04:11.000 Pajama pants.
00:04:12.000 Are those pajama pants?
00:04:13.000 Yeah.
00:04:13.000 Okay.
00:04:14.000 There you go.
00:04:15.000 And this was my old travel shirt.
00:04:18.000 I wore this any time I traveled.
00:04:20.000 I'm like, yeah, I want to be comfortable.
00:04:21.000 I don't want to...
00:04:21.000 You've stayed within your means very well.
00:04:25.000 Look, you've never had to worry about finances.
00:04:29.000 You dialed that in early.
00:04:32.000 Yeah.
00:04:33.000 You never fell into the trap a lot of people do.
00:04:35.000 Whether they buy a bigger house or buy a bigger car or this or that. 1.00
00:04:40.000 My shit's paid for. 0.99
00:04:42.000 After a year of not working, I go, ooh, I always bragged about how much fucking I don't need to work. 1.00
00:04:49.000 And then I go, alright, now I'm starting to worry. 0.99
00:04:52.000 Should I buy this dumb plastic shit from Amazon or not? 0.99
00:04:58.000 When do you think you're going to start working again? 1.00
00:04:59.000 Are you going to get the vaccine?
00:05:00.000 I got my first shot.
00:05:02.000 Which one?
00:05:02.000 The Pfizer or the Moderna?
00:05:03.000 No, Moderna.
00:05:04.000 I got my first shot.
00:05:09.000 About two weeks ago.
00:05:11.000 Two weeks ago tomorrow.
00:05:12.000 Why is it funny? 0.99
00:05:13.000 Because I just realized I still have the fucking band-aid when I take a bath. 1.00
00:05:19.000 I'm such a fucking slothful pig when it comes to bathing. 1.00
00:05:23.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
00:05:24.000 And it's still there.
00:05:26.000 I didn't wash that hard that it came off even last night.
00:05:29.000 They're resilient, those band-aids.
00:05:31.000 They'll stick around for a while.
00:05:32.000 Well, I'm going to get my follow-up shot two weeks from now from the same lady, and I want her to see the same dirty bandage and make her pick it off. 1.00
00:05:41.000 I know that's rude, but I think it's funny.
00:05:44.000 So you're getting the shots in Bisbee?
00:05:46.000 Is it hard to get it?
00:05:47.000 Or do they have a good supply?
00:05:49.000 Yeah, well, it just...
00:05:55.000 I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but I'd probably cut a line.
00:06:00.000 Yeah, I get it.
00:06:01.000 But yesterday, Cochise County tweeted, Okay, now 18 and up.
00:06:07.000 And I go, yeah, that's great you tweeted that, but maybe nine people in all of Cochise County are on Twitter. 0.98
00:06:13.000 You get to go door to door to fucking alert these people. 0.92
00:06:18.000 The UFC contacted me. 0.99
00:06:19.000 They have a large supply of Johnson& Johnson vaccines.
00:06:23.000 That's the one you only take one shot.
00:06:25.000 It's different on mRNA vaccines, a different vaccine.
00:06:29.000 What is it called?
00:06:30.000 An adenovirus?
00:06:31.000 Is that what it's called?
00:06:33.000 Do you know what it's called?
00:06:34.000 Some sort of different shot.
00:06:37.000 They want to give it to me this weekend.
00:06:39.000 Oh, so you haven't had your first yet?
00:06:41.000 No.
00:06:42.000 I don't know your...
00:06:47.000 I hear about you.
00:06:50.000 I think he's an anti-masker.
00:06:53.000 Well, maybe he's an anti-vaxxer.
00:06:55.000 No, I'm neither anti-mask or anti-vax.
00:07:00.000 I'm neither one of those things.
00:07:01.000 But I'm not worried about the virus.
00:07:04.000 Everyone that I know that got it, they were sick for like a day.
00:07:06.000 My whole family got it and I didn't get it.
00:07:13.000 Okay.
00:07:28.000 It says Gandhi.
00:07:30.000 Gandhi's the guy?
00:07:30.000 That's the doctor.
00:07:31.000 How weird.
00:07:32.000 Change your name, bro.
00:07:33.000 You know?
00:07:34.000 That's like Dr. Hitler. 0.83
00:07:35.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:07:36.000 Like, maybe time for a fucking name change. 0.99
00:07:39.000 Well, maybe he's changed his name up. 0.99
00:07:42.000 Like, oh, I was Dr. Hitler. 0.57
00:07:44.000 I should change it to something more easily consumable.
00:07:48.000 He became Gandhi.
00:07:49.000 The shell is an adenovirus, which normally causes colds, but it has been modified so it no longer replicate and make you sick.
00:07:57.000 Alright, you don't need to read all that.
00:07:58.000 We'll have people tune out in the third hour.
00:08:01.000 They're tuned out already.
00:08:02.000 So, uh...
00:08:03.000 Yeah.
00:08:04.000 So, no, I'm not anti...
00:08:05.000 People get mad at me because I said, I don't think I need the vaccine.
00:08:08.000 Wait, here's the thing.
00:08:09.000 You have the longest...
00:08:12.000 It's a platform in the shortest attention span society's ever known. 0.99
00:08:17.000 So when people put the viral clip of Burr telling you, don't act like we know what the fuck we're talking about. 0.98
00:08:26.000 Right, right, right. 0.96
00:08:26.000 That was like 22 seconds of a three-hour podcast. 0.96
00:08:30.000 So they go, oh, Rogan's a fucking anti-masker. 0.99
00:08:33.000 That was me trying to get Burr riled up. 0.99
00:08:35.000 Yeah, but I'm saying people don't...
00:08:38.000 There's no context anymore.
00:08:39.000 Right, of course.
00:08:40.000 It's done.
00:08:43.000 It is weird.
00:08:44.000 Because you think, like, people know what you're doing.
00:08:47.000 Like, with Bill, you're always like, come on, are you going to listen to them? 0.97
00:08:49.000 You're always going to say that to him, like, wah, wah, and then you fucking crank him up and let him go. 0.98
00:08:54.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:08:55.000 You know, so I'm like, you really think these fucking masks work? 1.00
00:08:57.000 You know, they say masks are all bullshit, and then next thing you know, Bill's, ugh, ugh, that fucking Irish face gets red, and he's on a rant. 1.00
00:09:05.000 I mean, obviously, masks do something. 1.00
00:09:08.000 You're breathing through a filter.
00:09:10.000 The question is, like, how much does it filter?
00:09:13.000 I don't know.
00:09:13.000 I mean, some people say it does nothing because the air is getting in and the particles are smaller than the air.
00:09:18.000 And some people say it blocks a lot of what's coming out, like a certain percentage of it.
00:09:23.000 But here's the thing.
00:09:24.000 Like, look at how few people got the flu this year. 0.65
00:09:27.000 That's my hypocrisy.
00:09:29.000 First of all, COVID for me for a year has been the best excuse I've ever had.
00:09:35.000 This is one of the best years of my life was 2020 plus one.
00:09:42.000 To have an excuse to not socialize, to not work. 0.98
00:09:45.000 Because I'm legendary for every three years going, fuck this, I'm done with comedies. 0.98
00:09:49.000 Yeah, you quit for like six months. 0.99
00:09:51.000 And I know that I'm lying.
00:09:53.000 Right.
00:09:53.000 But like mentally, this time I had an excuse to not work.
00:09:58.000 I had an excuse why you couldn't come over where generally I'm polite and you want to come down and visit.
00:10:03.000 But yeah, COVID. And then, well, you really believe that shit? 1.00
00:10:07.000 Well, the people around me do. 1.00
00:10:09.000 And then I can put the blame on, you know, Chaley and Tracy.
00:10:13.000 Yeah.
00:10:14.000 Everyone else is worried.
00:10:15.000 I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.
00:10:18.000 And then I get this shot.
00:10:20.000 My first one.
00:10:22.000 Did the first one bother you at all? 1.00
00:10:23.000 Did it fuck with you? 1.00
00:10:24.000 I'm so afraid of needles that I started drinking at 9am for a 5pm shot. 1.00
00:10:31.000 So the next day when I was sweating through fucking comforters... 0.98
00:10:36.000 I don't know, is that hangover or flu residual? 0.99
00:10:40.000 But the hypocrisy is that I've always shit on Chaley and Tracy for getting flu shots. 0.98
00:10:45.000 You should get a flu shot. 0.99
00:10:47.000 No, I don't like needles. 0.99
00:10:50.000 Well, I might be killing as many old people by not getting a regular flu shot, but I don't give a fuck about old people and they're not in my life. 1.00
00:10:59.000 Which I think, subliminally, a lot of people If coronavirus was killing that many babies and children, I think the same anti-maskers would be attacking you with a crowbar for not wearing a mask in public. 1.00
00:11:19.000 You're fucking risking my kid's life! 1.00
00:11:22.000 Probably. 1.00
00:11:23.000 People get fucking ape-like over their children. 0.99
00:11:25.000 They'd be very different. 1.00
00:11:26.000 I think that's a fucking natural selection kind of thing. 0.99
00:11:31.000 I don't give a fuck about old people. 1.00
00:11:33.000 They're taking food from the fucking family and the herd. 1.00
00:11:36.000 Let them die off. 1.00
00:11:39.000 I've been studying evolutionary psychology. 0.93
00:11:44.000 I downloaded a book on Audible about it, 16 and a half hours, and listened to it on the way out, so I should have a degree, even though I didn't understand most of what they were talking about.
00:11:53.000 What's the book?
00:11:55.000 The Moral Animal.
00:11:57.000 Oh, who is that?
00:11:58.000 Who wrote that?
00:12:00.000 It's like when you started comedy and you go, that guy was really funny.
00:12:04.000 What was his name?
00:12:05.000 I have no idea.
00:12:05.000 I just went to comedy night and there was a guy that was really funny.
00:12:09.000 What got you into this moral animal book?
00:12:13.000 That's why I love long drives.
00:12:16.000 That's why I left three days early.
00:12:18.000 There's nothing that makes me more creative.
00:12:21.000 Like your sensory deprivation tanks. 1.00
00:12:24.000 A fucking road trip from Arizona across New Mexico and West Texas? 1.00
00:12:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:12:31.000 Nothing but fucking... 1.00
00:12:34.000 Two lanes to focus on. 1.00
00:12:36.000 Nobody out there.
00:12:37.000 And yeah, your mind spirals.
00:12:40.000 That was why I had to practice talking.
00:12:42.000 Sometimes it's great.
00:12:43.000 I stopped and did one podcast, my own podcast, which I should promote.
00:12:46.000 I never promote my own.
00:12:48.000 I'm putting more effort into it.
00:12:49.000 We're doing Patreon.
00:12:50.000 Are you doing Patreon now?
00:12:52.000 Yeah.
00:12:54.000 Did you just get tired of doing ads?
00:12:56.000 Well, we've got to make money.
00:12:58.000 I started that podcast as a default open mic.
00:13:04.000 I started my podcast back when we really thought everyone has a podcast.
00:13:11.000 And since COVID, I have two people that I keep in touch with.
00:13:16.000 One's in a mental institution for murdering his mother.
00:13:20.000 Whoa.
00:13:20.000 Actually in a halfway house now.
00:13:23.000 They're gonna let him out?
00:13:24.000 Yeah, he's got a job.
00:13:25.000 Killed his mom?
00:13:26.000 Yes. 0.99
00:13:27.000 I assume stabbed her to death.
00:13:29.000 I never really got into the details.
00:13:31.000 He's come to my shows.
00:13:32.000 He gets day passes and...
00:13:35.000 Nice kid.
00:13:35.000 And then Bobby Caldwell.
00:13:37.000 Notes from the pen.
00:13:39.000 Hold up.
00:13:39.000 Let's not gloss over this.
00:13:41.000 Nice kid, stabbed his mom?
00:13:42.000 What happened? 1.00
00:13:43.000 Yeah, he's a mental illness.
00:13:45.000 And they're gonna let him out? 0.96
00:13:46.000 Did they fix it?
00:13:47.000 He's out.
00:13:48.000 He only went back in because of COVID. How long is he in for?
00:13:52.000 Not very long.
00:13:53.000 I think it was 2014. How's his mom's family feel about this?
00:13:57.000 2014?
00:13:58.000 Really?
00:13:58.000 Yeah, that quick.
00:14:00.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99
00:14:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:02.000 You go to jail for eight years?
00:14:04.000 He thought his mother was the devil and was going to hurt the rest of the family.
00:14:17.000 This isn't like... 0.99
00:14:18.000 This isn't cool mental illness.
00:14:20.000 Like, I'm kind of bipolar, so excuse my behavior. 0.81
00:14:24.000 This is like serious mental illness. 0.99
00:14:26.000 Voices in your head. 1.00
00:14:27.000 That's like Jason Voorhees shit. 1.00
00:14:29.000 Like, why do they let him out? 1.00
00:14:31.000 Well, they put him in...
00:14:33.000 He got found not guilty by reason of insanity.
00:14:36.000 Went to a mental institution.
00:14:38.000 Showed great progress.
00:14:40.000 Uh...
00:14:44.000 And now he's out.
00:14:45.000 Well, he's happy with us.
00:14:47.000 He's got a job and a bank account, and he was employee of the month at his job.
00:14:52.000 Who hires him?
00:14:54.000 Knife company?
00:14:55.000 Knife company.
00:14:56.000 He doesn't have sponsorship, but the point is, he's starting a podcast.
00:15:01.000 Bobby at notesfromthepen.com.
00:15:05.000 He accidentally killed his wife during a suicide attempt.
00:15:09.000 Wait, what?
00:15:11.000 He's the other guy.
00:15:13.000 Jesus Christ.
00:15:14.000 That guy's brilliant.
00:15:15.000 He's really strong.
00:15:17.000 He was drug addicted and tried to kill himself. 0.88
00:15:20.000 The bullet went behind him as his wife was trying to stop him. 0.99
00:15:24.000 Killed her.
00:15:26.000 He's doing 15 years. 0.74
00:15:28.000 He's four years away from release in Michigan. 1.00
00:15:34.000 Hopefully, fucking Michigan starts. 0.99
00:15:38.000 They don't have a good behavior kind of thing, where Bobby would be out by now. 0.99
00:15:43.000 That guy's actually a legit writer.
00:15:46.000 He does, on his website, he's a comedy fan, and he has all these different comics.
00:15:56.000 Pull up notes from the pen.com and how comics would fare in prison, because he rates all the comedians how they would, and of course, you do very well.
00:16:08.000 Go pull it up.
00:16:11.000 This book that you have, too.
00:16:12.000 The point is, they both have podcasts.
00:16:14.000 Bobby's podcast is really popular now.
00:16:17.000 Let me see Andrew Santino.
00:16:19.000 Seven out of ten.
00:16:19.000 Redhead.
00:16:20.000 Quick wit.
00:16:21.000 Relatively young.
00:16:22.000 Confident.
00:16:22.000 He'd find his crew.
00:16:24.000 I feel like redheads fight more than usual, so he'd probably get into a few altercations, but generally would be alright with a few, some new stories and a few scars. 0.90
00:16:34.000 Go up a little bit.
00:16:35.000 Go to Rogan.
00:16:38.000 Amy Schumer.
00:16:39.000 Question mark.
00:16:42.000 Adam Sandler, 9 out of 10. If I had only seen his comedies, I would have scored him lower.
00:16:48.000 But there's a depth, even darkness under the circles.
00:16:51.000 Have you seen Uncut Gems? 0.99
00:16:53.000 It's fucking fantastic. 1.00
00:16:56.000 It's fucking fantastic. 0.99
00:16:57.000 It's like, if you think you know who Adam Sandler is, watch Uncut Gems. 0.98
00:17:02.000 I mean, that guy's an incredible actor. 0.98
00:17:05.000 Like, if you see Waterboy, and then you see this, you'll go, wait, wait a fucking minute. 0.97
00:17:10.000 This is the same guy? 0.93
00:17:11.000 Like, how come you haven't been doing this the whole time?
00:17:15.000 Like, he's so good. 0.95
00:17:16.000 You wonder, like, it's crazy that he does these, like, silly movies. 0.95
00:17:21.000 Which I guess he loves. 0.65
00:17:22.000 I love Zohan.
00:17:23.000 Zohan's one of my favorite movies. 0.99
00:17:24.000 There's one that I watched on Hangover Sundays where you go, I just need something dumb, but not too dumb. 0.97
00:17:34.000 I forget what it was. 0.99
00:17:35.000 It was one of the dumb ones. 1.00
00:17:37.000 I swear he's... 1.00
00:17:39.000 Someone's dad and comes back into his life.
00:17:41.000 I think that is probably seven of his movies.
00:17:43.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:45.000 He's got a gang of those kind of movies. 0.99
00:17:47.000 This is so perfectly dumb for what I need in my head right now. 0.92
00:17:52.000 Yeah, they're fun movies. 0.97
00:17:55.000 Me and the family, when we went into the COVID lockdown, we watched every Adam Sandler movie.
00:18:00.000 We had movie night basically every night because we were just trapped at home.
00:18:04.000 In the beginning, everyone was trapped.
00:18:06.000 That's all we did.
00:18:06.000 We stayed at home, we watched movies, we went to the grocery store.
00:18:09.000 And then slowly but surely, people started getting annoyed with it.
00:18:12.000 Well, the difference is...
00:18:16.000 And it was triggering to hear when you said, me and the family.
00:18:20.000 Because that's the part of Joe Rogan no one ever considers, is you do actually have a family.
00:18:27.000 I do not.
00:18:28.000 So for me at home, it was just the usual suspects that would come over and in the summer we'd have movie nights out on the patio.
00:18:37.000 Yeah.
00:18:38.000 Watch The Jerk. 0.98
00:18:39.000 Why would you watch The Jerk again?
00:18:41.000 Because we're locked down. 1.00
00:18:42.000 It's a good fucking movie. 0.99
00:18:42.000 Yeah, and having cocktails on the patio. 0.99
00:18:44.000 The Jerk is kind of historic, too.
00:18:45.000 It's not just a good movie.
00:18:48.000 It's like you're watching a chunk of history.
00:18:51.000 This is... 1.00
00:18:52.000 When Steve Martin came out with that movie, back in the day, that movie was the shit. 1.00
00:18:56.000 It was the shit. 1.00
00:18:57.000 And it still is. 1.00
00:18:58.000 It is.
00:18:58.000 I don't know if younger people appreciate a lot of the stuff that we do.
00:19:04.000 The Jerk?
00:19:05.000 But I think The Jerk held up in front of an audience of younger people. 0.99
00:19:09.000 It's fucking great. 1.00
00:19:10.000 Some of them, you go, even myself, like Kentucky Fried Movie, you go, oh, that was the shit in 1979. And then you watch it, you go, this is the dumbest fucking movie ever. 1.00
00:19:20.000 I didn't see that. 0.99
00:19:21.000 I think I saw it back in the day, but I haven't seen that recently.
00:19:25.000 Movie 42 is the one that we found.
00:19:28.000 What's that?
00:19:30.000 I think it's called Movie 42. Hey, I wanted to see Rogan, how Rogan fared in prison on notes from the pen.
00:19:37.000 Movie 42 is like a sketch comedy, but huge names are in it. 0.77
00:19:42.000 Like Hugh Jackman, he's got balls on his chin. 1.00
00:19:46.000 It's just really dumb. 1.00
00:19:49.000 It's basically sketch comedy, but filmed like a movie. 0.99
00:19:54.000 Okay. 1.00
00:19:55.000 Anyway, it was one of the things that we found just watching dumb shit. 1.00
00:20:00.000 Movie 43. Sorry. 0.99
00:20:01.000 The biggest cast ever assembled.
00:20:03.000 That's why I have to have you fact check me, Jamie.
00:20:05.000 Kristen Bell.
00:20:06.000 Joey Diaz, 9 out of 10. This is pointless.
00:20:09.000 Joey Coco Diaz has already done time. 0.99
00:20:11.000 Oh, you're fucking 10 out of 10. Oh, I got 10 out of 10. Visually and physically, multiple black belts. 1.00
00:20:17.000 Son of an Irish cop from Boston.
00:20:19.000 New Jersey, actually.
00:20:21.000 First choice for victim.
00:20:24.000 Respectful, intuitive, and disciplined.
00:20:26.000 Cakewalk.
00:20:27.000 Perfect score.
00:20:28.000 Oh.
00:20:30.000 There we go.
00:20:30.000 You don't even have to read it.
00:20:32.000 I love where it says, Joe List.
00:20:34.000 See Chris Hardwick with glasses. 0.99
00:20:39.000 But I talk to Bobby a few times a week, and he's a fucking great guy. 0.95
00:20:46.000 My point was, he has merch. 0.95
00:20:48.000 He doesn't just have a podcast, he's selling merch.
00:20:51.000 So when I started my podcast, I thought, this is just a throwaway, because everyone has a podcast.
00:20:57.000 Now I have two friends in prisons or mental institutions that have podcasts, and are probably pushing more merch than me.
00:21:04.000 So the guy who killed his mom, he has a podcast as well?
00:21:08.000 I don't think he has a lot of listeners.
00:21:10.000 Well, he does now.
00:21:11.000 He just put out two.
00:21:14.000 What's it called?
00:21:15.000 The Ward.
00:21:16.000 Oh, wow.
00:21:18.000 But he does open mics in the mental institution.
00:21:23.000 What?
00:21:24.000 Yeah.
00:21:25.000 Mental institution has open mics?
00:21:26.000 He started it.
00:21:28.000 Isn't comedy bad for your mental health?
00:21:30.000 If his comedy is bad for everyone else's mental health, I'll be...
00:21:33.000 And I'm very honest with him.
00:21:36.000 He sends me clips of him and I go, I didn't even know when I would give you a polite laugh because I didn't know where the joke was.
00:21:46.000 That's not good.
00:21:47.000 He's getting out.
00:21:49.000 But he's a great...
00:21:51.000 He's aware of his psychosis.
00:21:54.000 He thought Lorne Michaels...
00:21:57.000 Was secretly telling him he was going to be on Saturday Night Live.
00:22:01.000 So what he does, he murders his mother.
00:22:03.000 Stay with me.
00:22:06.000 Then he drives from the southeast up to New York City.
00:22:11.000 He gets on the set of Saturday Night Live.
00:22:15.000 Texts pictures to his sisters saying, see, I'm on the set.
00:22:20.000 Then finally security sees the error in their ways.
00:22:24.000 They escort him off.
00:22:25.000 Huge fan of Legion of Skanks. 0.93
00:22:28.000 So he goes down, he hangs out at the Cave and Creek.
00:22:31.000 The podcast, Big J, they know who this guy is.
00:22:34.000 They know his deal? 0.98
00:22:35.000 Actually, I just did Legion of Skanks and I fucking, I dialed Twyman. 0.98
00:22:40.000 I could call Twyman right now. 0.99
00:22:41.000 Oh boy.
00:22:42.000 But I won't.
00:22:43.000 Yeah, if not.
00:22:44.000 Jesus Christ, that's hilarious.
00:22:46.000 And then they finally caught him and he went to Rikers Island and then he got found not guilty.
00:22:50.000 Anyway, he's a big comedy fan.
00:22:52.000 Oh, there you go.
00:22:52.000 Said to say hi.
00:22:53.000 Tell him I said hi back.
00:22:55.000 It's a real bummer when you like someone, and then you hear their comedy.
00:23:00.000 And you're like, I can't.
00:23:02.000 I can't be friends with you.
00:23:04.000 Well, this is...
00:23:07.000 Yeah.
00:23:08.000 Well, he's a different case.
00:23:09.000 Yeah.
00:23:10.000 But you know, like, when you're, like, at the store, there was always an interesting hodgepodge of beginners and veterans.
00:23:17.000 People that had been, you know, doing the road forever, and then there'd be people that, you know, you hung out with, you're like, oh, he seems like a funny guy. 0.67
00:23:25.000 And then you see his set, and you're like, oh, shit, I can't hang out with you.
00:23:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:23:29.000 I just can't, because you're not going to make it. 0.99
00:23:32.000 You've never dated a comedian.
00:23:34.000 No.
00:23:34.000 I did when I was 21. When I was 21. I was in a relationship for a year and a half.
00:23:42.000 It can get rough.
00:23:43.000 And they're working out bits, and you can't...
00:23:47.000 I can tell Twyman.
00:23:49.000 I don't get why you would even think that's a joke.
00:23:52.000 Right.
00:23:52.000 And he can handle it.
00:23:53.000 Because who's he going to kill?
00:23:54.000 Me?
00:23:54.000 Me?
00:23:57.000 If he kills another person, he's really going away this time, for real.
00:24:02.000 None of these meds are going to work.
00:24:04.000 The dating comedian thing, it works sometimes.
00:24:09.000 Like Tom Segura and Christina Positsky, it works great.
00:24:13.000 Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Voss.
00:24:15.000 It's funnier than Voss, so the power dynamic.
00:24:18.000 Yeah.
00:24:19.000 Well, they're both funny.
00:24:21.000 They're both very funny.
00:24:22.000 And as is Christina and Segura.
00:24:25.000 They're both very funny.
00:24:26.000 The problem is when one is not.
00:24:28.000 And then it's usually like an ugly male comic who's funny and a hotter female comic who's not funny who needs someone to punch up. 0.90
00:24:37.000 Yeah, writes their jokes for them.
00:24:39.000 It's always the case.
00:24:41.000 They're always like half-assed writers. 0.98
00:24:43.000 And they get hooked up with some really funny comic who's fucking way above his head. 0.97
00:24:49.000 The old troll guy like me or Bill Amar. 0.99
00:24:51.000 And he's fucking way above his head. 0.99
00:24:53.000 And so he helps punch up her act. 0.99
00:24:56.000 I've had a lot of friends that have had those kind of...
00:24:59.000 Weirdo.
00:25:00.000 Natasha Leggera and Moshe Kasher.
00:25:02.000 That's another good relationship between two funny people.
00:25:04.000 But there's been a lot of those relationships where one of them is not good.
00:25:12.000 How many times have you fallen into the trap of the comedian that you see them do five minutes in the belly room or whatever?
00:25:21.000 You go, that guy's got some...
00:25:22.000 He's really funny.
00:25:24.000 And then you realize, oh, he stumbled into two accidentally funny jokes that he doesn't even understand are funny, but you're already promoting him.
00:25:33.000 I knew a girl who was like that.
00:25:36.000 For whatever reason, it never clicked.
00:25:39.000 I don't want to say her name, but it never clicked. 1.00
00:25:41.000 But I saw her at an open mic night one time, like 15, 16 years ago, and I was like, holy shit, she's a fucking monster. 0.99
00:25:49.000 I was like, she is going to be huge. 1.00
00:25:51.000 She's going to be goddamn huge. 1.00
00:25:53.000 And she never put it together, but she had one open mic night set in the belly room. 0.96
00:25:56.000 And I watched it and I was like, Jesus Christ, that is a funny person.
00:26:00.000 This is a trap as well.
00:26:02.000 When you say, I'm not going to say their name.
00:26:05.000 So right now, there's 130 women thinking, he's talking about me.
00:26:10.000 Is he talking about me?
00:26:12.000 No, the one I'm talking about, she's doing great with other stuff.
00:26:16.000 So it's not like, you know, that's the thing with comics.
00:26:19.000 It's like either they make it or they're a tragedy.
00:26:22.000 Either they make it as a comedian or whatever it is that sought them, that made them seek out becoming a comic, ruins whatever's left of their life.
00:26:31.000 If they can't make it in comedy and they see all these other people make it in comedy, then they're depressed and angry and bitter and they just want to burn the world down.
00:26:40.000 But this woman's not like that. 1.00
00:26:42.000 She actually became successful at other stuff.
00:26:45.000 Have you had people turn on you because they thought you were going to help them as much as you helped other comics?
00:26:51.000 No, no, not really.
00:26:53.000 I help people as much as I can.
00:26:55.000 There's only so much you can help.
00:26:58.000 And there's some people you can't help.
00:27:00.000 What you're doing is so poor.
00:27:03.000 There's nothing there.
00:27:04.000 I don't know what you need to do to change.
00:27:07.000 The way you're interfacing with reality?
00:27:09.000 What about older comics that...
00:27:11.000 Oh, that's bad.
00:27:13.000 They just stopped trying.
00:27:16.000 Yeah, we're going in a different direction on this tour.
00:27:19.000 Imagine if you were still doing your act from like 2000. You had some great bits in 2000. I remember your act in 2000. It was funny as fuck.
00:27:28.000 Imagine if you just hung on to that and you kept doing it on the road. 0.99
00:27:31.000 There's a lot of guys like that.
00:27:32.000 We know them.
00:27:34.000 And they're out there. 1.00
00:27:35.000 They're just fucking... 1.00
00:27:37.000 It's like... 1.00
00:27:38.000 I mean, if you're in a band, it's a different story, you know?
00:27:42.000 Like, I think band members don't mind doing old songs.
00:27:47.000 Like, the Stones will go out there and they'll do an old album, and I don't think it's a problem, but a comic.
00:27:56.000 It's just like, there's something...
00:27:57.000 It's death. 1.00
00:27:59.000 There's something about rehashing an old perspective and trotting it out there like you give a fuck. 0.99
00:28:05.000 I find myself in that position where I still do give a fuck about issues. 1.00
00:28:13.000 Because you and I both talk about shit that's horrible in society. 1.00
00:28:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:28:19.000 Generally.
00:28:20.000 And when that doesn't change, and you're still angry about it, but you already did like three different bits from three different angles, and I can't eat this pie with a different fork again. 0.98
00:28:31.000 The fuck do I do? 0.97
00:28:33.000 Right. 1.00
00:28:34.000 And then sometimes you find a better perspective. 0.98
00:28:35.000 And everything new is fucking, I don't understand. 0.96
00:28:39.000 How much are you on social media? 0.99
00:28:41.000 The point is, I don't know about a lot of shit, but I'm aware of what I don't know, so try not to launch an opinion. 0.91
00:28:50.000 Yeah, the old perspectives that are still valid are weird too, because it's like nothing's changed. 0.96
00:28:57.000 Some old perspectives that you had, they are still good.
00:29:01.000 They are still valid.
00:29:02.000 I guess I'm not talking about that.
00:29:04.000 I'm talking about comics that just become like a carpenter.
00:29:10.000 Not that there's anything wrong with being a carpenter, but they've got tools. 0.98
00:29:13.000 They're just like, oh, this one needs a fucking T-square. 0.98
00:29:16.000 I'm going to use a hammer on that. 0.99
00:29:19.000 They're not comics anymore.
00:29:20.000 They're just like...
00:29:23.000 Tradesmen. 1.00
00:29:23.000 Yeah, they're playing fucking Tetris. 1.00
00:29:25.000 Alright, this point of view fits into this. 0.99
00:29:28.000 Yes, that's a good way to put it.
00:29:30.000 Yeah, with a very dated reference, because that's the last video game that was on a phone that I saw.
00:29:36.000 Oh, they still have Tetris?
00:29:37.000 And I still use the reference. 0.99
00:29:38.000 So yeah, at some point you're going to suck unless... 0.97
00:29:42.000 I don't know what's worse, is being the guy who has dated references because he doesn't know... 0.95
00:29:48.000 Now video games are in 3D or 4D. Immersive fucking experience. 0.98
00:29:56.000 Or being the old guy that still watches whatever kids watch and uses those references. 1.00
00:30:04.000 70-year-old guy playing Twitch games online.
00:30:08.000 It's like Grand Theft Auto 6?
00:30:12.000 Is it 7 yet?
00:30:13.000 I don't know.
00:30:14.000 How many Grand Theft Autos are there, Jamie?
00:30:16.000 There's still on five.
00:30:17.000 Five?
00:30:18.000 Yeah.
00:30:18.000 Ten years.
00:30:19.000 I'm close to it.
00:30:20.000 Ten years?
00:30:21.000 It's been a while.
00:30:22.000 We're still promoting it, though.
00:30:24.000 You mean Grand Theft Auto V came out ten years ago?
00:30:26.000 It came out right around the time I did a job with it.
00:30:28.000 So that's even a dated reference?
00:30:30.000 Eight, nine years, yeah.
00:30:31.000 I'm using a ten-year-old reference as a new reference of something I don't understand.
00:30:36.000 It's so popular, so no, you're not really that wrong, to be honest with you.
00:30:40.000 Are they making a new one?
00:30:43.000 They're very quiet about that, so no one knows.
00:30:46.000 They're very quiet about a lot of things.
00:30:48.000 If you were a comic that maybe eight years ago was hired to be a comic that's in the game, and you put on the whole fucking CGI suit, and you did your act in front of a fake audience so they can put it in the game, 0.91
00:31:03.000 but you had to sign all sorts of non-disclosure agreements, like it's the biggest secret that you're going to be on the game, and then you're never on the game, you still to this day could not fucking talk about it. 0.95
00:31:14.000 That's my point.
00:31:15.000 Annie Letterman's one of the bigger voices in that game.
00:31:17.000 Is she really?
00:31:18.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:31:18.000 I fucking love her! 0.96
00:31:20.000 I love her. 0.99
00:31:21.000 The Comedy Store documentary.
00:31:24.000 Yeah, she was great in it. 0.97
00:31:25.000 She was great in it. 0.74
00:31:26.000 One of the good things about COVID, and I could go on about all the great things about COVID. And I'm sorry if half a million people are collateral damage to the joy that I've gotten out of COVID is I get to learn about a lot of new comics that I don't watch comedy because I'm always afraid,
00:31:45.000 oh, I'm gonna, you know.
00:31:46.000 Yeah, she's one of my favorites. 0.99
00:31:47.000 And that was that comedy store documentary that maybe, oh, fuck, I love this chick. 1.00
00:31:53.000 Turns out she went to the Death Valley party. 0.97
00:31:57.000 They had a resurgence of it.
00:31:59.000 A small core group went out to Death Valley in October, and she showed up, and I pussied out. 0.99
00:32:05.000 Like, I don't want to drive fucking 13 hours to fucking Death Valley. 0.98
00:32:09.000 You get to meet her anyway. 0.99
00:32:13.000 I'm trying to get her to move out here. 1.00
00:32:14.000 She probably will. 0.99
00:32:15.000 She's fucking brilliant, man. 0.99
00:32:16.000 She's the real deal. 1.00
00:32:18.000 Nate Bargazzi is fucking hilarious. 0.99
00:32:20.000 I'm trying to think. 0.98
00:32:21.000 Nate Craig was one.
00:32:23.000 Sam Morrill.
00:32:24.000 Sam Morrill is very funny.
00:32:25.000 Very funny.
00:32:26.000 I actually sat down and watched a bunch of people.
00:32:29.000 There's a great crew coming up.
00:32:31.000 Do you pay attention to Andrew Schultz?
00:32:34.000 You listen to his stuff?
00:32:37.000 There's a few that I... I'm terrible, and so are you, at following up a lot of times.
00:32:45.000 Like, hey Joe, on Sunday, what time on Wednesday and where do I go?
00:32:52.000 I didn't text you back.
00:32:54.000 No, no.
00:32:55.000 It affected all my travel plans.
00:32:59.000 I'm sorry. 0.98
00:33:00.000 And then I asked the fucking worst person ever, hey, uh... 0.99
00:33:04.000 Who'd you ask? 1.00
00:33:05.000 Red Band?
00:33:06.000 No, no. 1.00
00:33:06.000 Red Band's the one who fucking got... 1.00
00:33:08.000 He was the hero. 1.00
00:33:10.000 No, Brett Erickson and fucking Carrie Mitchell. 1.00
00:33:12.000 I'm like, can you at least tell me, like, do you know, like, what part of Austin so I can book a hotel near it? 0.99
00:33:18.000 Yeah.
00:33:19.000 And they gave me...
00:33:19.000 They didn't say, I don't know.
00:33:21.000 They gave me the wrong information. 0.99
00:33:23.000 They gave me the information of the fucking new place. 0.99
00:33:26.000 And he lives like 10 minutes north of there. 0.94
00:33:31.000 Does he do the podcast there? 0.98
00:33:33.000 I want to be like Uber distance, but if you live out in fucking buttfuck rich part of town, they might not have Ubers. 0.99
00:33:40.000 Ron White fucked us like that once. 0.99
00:33:42.000 Did he? 1.00
00:33:42.000 Well, yeah. 1.00
00:33:43.000 He's like, yeah, after the show in Atlanta, he showed up and did a guest spot.
00:33:48.000 But you have to come to my house to party afterwards.
00:33:51.000 It's just right down the road. 0.95
00:33:53.000 It's like fucking almost an hour away.
00:33:56.000 We're gonna be on the tour bus, so we'll take all of you on the tour bus and we're coming back through this way. 0.95
00:34:02.000 Anyway, tomorrow we'll drop you back off and we party through the night. 0.77
00:34:05.000 Like one of the hardest fucking hangovers I've ever lived through with a show the next night. 0.96
00:34:11.000 Ron White's sober now. 0.98
00:34:12.000 Oh, you told me that, but...
00:34:14.000 So, the next morning, as we're still, like, vaguely awake, he's like, you guys gotta get an Uber.
00:34:23.000 Like, I thought the tour bus is taking us back.
00:34:26.000 Change of plans.
00:34:27.000 Oh, God. 0.99
00:34:28.000 And then it's gated community on a golf course and a fucking Uber takes two and a half hours. 0.99
00:34:34.000 So we're drinking again to fucking tamp down the hangover. 0.98
00:34:38.000 And then it was one of the worst shows I've ever had that night where I said, if I gave refunds, this would be the show. 0.93
00:34:44.000 But I don't.
00:34:47.000 Yeah, I heard he do some like ayahuasca.
00:34:51.000 Yeah, he's more than 60 days sober now.
00:34:55.000 Sharp as a tack.
00:34:56.000 I did the Chappelle shows with him last week.
00:35:00.000 I did Sunday and Tuesday with him last week.
00:35:02.000 And I did Vulcan Gas Company in town too.
00:35:05.000 I did that with him too. 1.00
00:35:06.000 He's fucking sharp as fuck. 1.00
00:35:08.000 And just completely sober. 1.00
00:35:10.000 He went to the doctor.
00:35:11.000 Big mistake, right?
00:35:12.000 Don't go to the doctor.
00:35:13.000 Nope.
00:35:14.000 Nope.
00:35:15.000 Went to the doctor. 0.99
00:35:16.000 The doctor gave him the old once-over and go, we gotta fucking hit the brakes on this train. 0.97
00:35:21.000 Like, this runaway train is heading right for a cliff. 0.95
00:35:23.000 Did he tell you why he went to the doctor?
00:35:25.000 Nope.
00:35:25.000 I didn't ask.
00:35:26.000 I feel like Ron White tells you everything he wants to tell you.
00:35:28.000 Oh, I do.
00:35:29.000 I... Because that's my doctor.
00:35:31.000 Is...
00:35:32.000 Who did I just talk to?
00:35:34.000 Uh... 1.00
00:35:34.000 Fuck it. 1.00
00:35:36.000 Jordan Zevon, Warren's son. 1.00
00:35:39.000 Oh.
00:35:40.000 Who I've known peripherally through MySpace and social media.
00:35:46.000 We've DM'd here and there.
00:35:48.000 He sent me Warren Zevon's original practice amp. 0.99
00:35:53.000 Fucking cool guy. 0.93
00:35:54.000 And I said, hey, I want you on the podcast. 0.98
00:35:56.000 It was just a couple weeks ago.
00:35:58.000 And he's like, I'm probably not that interesting.
00:36:01.000 I'm not Jordan Springsteen.
00:36:06.000 But here's my number anyway, because I don't drink anymore.
00:36:10.000 And I called him up and I go, I'll tell you if you're interesting or not.
00:36:13.000 And he told me the most interesting story.
00:36:15.000 You get diagnosed with cirrhosis and then I'm wrapped.
00:36:19.000 Like, well, what made you go to the doctor to begin with?
00:36:22.000 What symptoms should I be looking for that you had?
00:36:26.000 It's like Hedberg's old joke.
00:36:27.000 My girlfriend wanted me to get an AIDS test.
00:36:30.000 So I called my friend.
00:36:32.000 I said, hey, Brian, do you know anyone with AIDS? And he said, no.
00:36:38.000 And I said, well, you know me.
00:36:45.000 What should I look for?
00:36:46.000 I have none of those symptoms.
00:36:47.000 I think I'm good.
00:36:49.000 You're a moderate regular drinker.
00:36:53.000 That's what I would say.
00:36:55.000 Well, it's also 1.30 in the afternoon.
00:36:58.000 Yeah, but I mean, you drink a lot of light beer.
00:37:01.000 No, that's like 13 years ago.
00:37:05.000 I moved to cocktails because I don't know anything. 0.99
00:37:09.000 I need you as a fucking personal trainer of life. 0.99
00:37:13.000 In 2008, I quit smoking for a year, and I got really fat. 0.99
00:37:21.000 So what I did is I switched from Miller Lite to vodka cranberry straight, thinking, oh, cranberry is a juice, which is good for you. 0.99
00:37:32.000 No, it's got like eight times the fucking sugar. 0.96
00:37:34.000 Have you ever had like an actual cranberry? 1.00
00:37:37.000 They're disgusting.
00:37:38.000 Oh, yeah.
00:37:38.000 Cranberry juice cocktail is just sugar.
00:37:41.000 Yeah, now I do vodka soda with just a splash of juice.
00:37:46.000 That's a good way to go.
00:37:47.000 Yeah, but at first I go, oh juice is better for me.
00:37:50.000 I'm not considering sugar makes you fat. 1.00
00:37:53.000 Yeah, that shit's real fatty. 1.00
00:37:56.000 But the cigarettes, what happens when you get off the cigarettes? 1.00
00:37:58.000 That's my problem.
00:38:00.000 Cigarettes jack up your metabolism, right?
00:38:02.000 It does something, and when you get off of it, it slows you down.
00:38:05.000 It kills your appetite.
00:38:06.000 Oh, is that what it is?
00:38:07.000 Yeah.
00:38:07.000 But also, doesn't the nicotine rev you up?
00:38:10.000 Yeah.
00:38:10.000 It burns calories, too?
00:38:11.000 Yeah.
00:38:13.000 If I'm on a bender, the hangover will kick in when I light my first cigarette the next day, and then I'll get...
00:38:22.000 Like booze shakes.
00:38:23.000 Oh.
00:38:24.000 It's after the first cigarette.
00:38:26.000 Hmm.
00:38:27.000 That's interesting.
00:38:28.000 Well, I guess that means it does jack you up.
00:38:31.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:38:32.000 Like you're holding a drink with two hands like leaving Las Vegas where you can't sign the fucking banknote. 0.99
00:38:39.000 I remember that movie. 0.99
00:38:41.000 I like smoking cigarettes before shows.
00:38:43.000 I did it once with Hinchcliffe.
00:38:45.000 You smoked cigarettes?
00:38:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:46.000 I remember when you barely drank.
00:38:48.000 I remember one podcast we did a million years ago where you had like three beers and you were saying you were drunk.
00:38:56.000 Really?
00:38:57.000 Yeah, it was a long time ago.
00:38:59.000 Yeah, but I mean, that was like 2009 when I started podcast.
00:39:06.000 I have no idea of time.
00:39:07.000 I was for sure drinking, like actual drinking then.
00:39:11.000 Well, you're older.
00:39:13.000 You don't have the memory that I do.
00:39:15.000 Yeah, I'm over by like, what, two months?
00:39:17.000 No, tomorrow's my birthday, and you turn your February, right?
00:39:21.000 No, I'm August.
00:39:22.000 How old are you tomorrow?
00:39:23.000 Oh wait, I'm older than you!
00:39:25.000 Yeah, I think so.
00:39:26.000 Alright, I thought you were a month older than me.
00:39:28.000 No.
00:39:28.000 Alright, well, you're a kid, you have no idea what you're talking about.
00:39:31.000 I'm 54 tomorrow.
00:39:33.000 I'll be 54 in August.
00:39:36.000 Isn't that weird?
00:39:36.000 When I was a kid, I thought 54 people, that was a dead person.
00:39:40.000 You aren't doing shit. 1.00
00:39:42.000 You're just laying around waiting to rot out from the inside. 0.98
00:39:44.000 I know, and I still feel like that, and everyone's aging beautifully, and I'm not gonna keep up. 0.98
00:39:50.000 Ron White was a fucking luxurious head of hair, and now that he's 60 days sober, sharp as a tack, I think he's gonna pull through this swimmingly. 0.95
00:39:58.000 I don't remember him not being sharp as a tack. 0.99
00:40:01.000 Well, he was always great, even when he was drunk.
00:40:03.000 I mean, he was always a great comic, for sure.
00:40:05.000 Even when he was drinking, like, every day.
00:40:08.000 But, you know, like I said, I didn't ask for specifics, what it is that was getting him.
00:40:13.000 But something was getting him.
00:40:14.000 Something bad enough where he got so scared that not only did he get off the booze, but then he went to Costa Rica and did multiple ayahuasca ceremonies.
00:40:26.000 Oh! 0.60
00:40:27.000 And he wants to talk about it, but I don't want to talk to him about it until he talks about it on the podcast.
00:40:31.000 I go, let's just tell me on the air, because the first time you tell me, it'll be the best.
00:40:36.000 Because I'm always in that mindset of...
00:40:40.000 Like Jordan Zivon, that conversation. 0.99
00:40:42.000 We talked for almost an hour and I go, I just wasted a fucking podcast. 0.99
00:40:46.000 I'm monetizing in my head. 1.00
00:40:49.000 Even without money, I'm monetizing, capitalizing on a personal conversation where I'm like, fuck, that would have been a great deal. 0.94
00:40:56.000 You could look at it that way, but you could also look at it like you want to share this in its purest and best form with all the people that enjoy your podcast. 0.50
00:41:03.000 That's why when I saw you, I go, just tell me the stuff that we're not going to talk about on the podcast. 0.99
00:41:09.000 Don't fucking waste a breath. 0.72
00:41:11.000 Well, that stuff will be soon. 0.99
00:41:13.000 The stuff that I told you not to talk about, it's just a matter of we have to get up and running. 0.97
00:41:20.000 Yeah, I don't want to waste a breath that's worth shit. 0.89
00:41:25.000 What is this? 0.94
00:41:26.000 TX whiskey?
00:41:27.000 That came from a fan.
00:41:29.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:41:30.000 It's probably tainted.
00:41:31.000 Now, I just opened it before because I had the booze shakes before you showed up, and I go, I should open this now because I don't want to be quivering.
00:41:39.000 Smells good.
00:41:41.000 I did a podcast yesterday with Marcus Luttrell.
00:41:43.000 That is not a sponsor.
00:41:45.000 TX. I brought that bottle on purpose.
00:41:49.000 For Texas? 1.00
00:41:50.000 If I get a fucking... 1.00
00:41:51.000 If I had a whiskey sponsor on my podcast, I would be making bank. 0.99
00:41:56.000 We have a whiskey sponsor.
00:41:57.000 We have Buffalo Trace. 1.00
00:41:58.000 That's shit. 1.00
00:41:59.000 You ever have that? 1.00
00:42:00.000 Yes, I have.
00:42:01.000 Phenomenal.
00:42:02.000 And I could...
00:42:05.000 If there is anything I could sell on my podcast, it's liquor.
00:42:10.000 When I was a Miller Lite drinker on stage, I think my first five specials of whatever, like CDs or DVDs when they made the transition, You can hear me saying, can I get another Miller Lite up here?
00:42:24.000 And I wasn't pushing the product.
00:42:26.000 It's just what I drank.
00:42:27.000 But on the road, they would sell out of Miller Lite. 0.93
00:42:30.000 If I was doing a week by fucking first show Friday, they're sold out of the brand I'm drinking. 0.99
00:42:36.000 I'm like, it tastes exactly like fucking Coors Light or Bud Light. 0.99
00:42:39.000 I couldn't tell the difference. 1.00
00:42:41.000 A whiskey I could fucking sell. 0.99
00:42:42.000 So yes, I am actively fucking searching out a whiskey sponsor. 0.99
00:42:47.000 Maybe we should go to the doctor first, get checked out. 0.98
00:42:50.000 Make sure everything's okay.
00:42:51.000 I feel great.
00:42:51.000 Okay, fine.
00:42:53.000 Do I look bad?
00:42:54.000 No, you look great.
00:42:56.000 Like I said, Ron White's 10 years older than you.
00:42:58.000 And he's been going hard forever.
00:43:01.000 He's been going hard for 50 years.
00:43:05.000 Is he...
00:43:05.000 He was a cigar smoker?
00:43:07.000 Yeah.
00:43:07.000 Still smokes cigars.
00:43:08.000 He still smokes weed.
00:43:10.000 But he's...
00:43:11.000 I've been doing the edibles.
00:43:12.000 Have you?
00:43:13.000 Really?
00:43:13.000 Yeah.
00:43:14.000 I saw that on your Instagram or your Twitter, rather.
00:43:17.000 I was like, look at this.
00:43:19.000 Yeah, it's...
00:43:20.000 You're paranoid?
00:43:22.000 No, no, no.
00:43:23.000 Not really. 0.97
00:43:24.000 But I've been doing them mostly during a fucking year of COVID, so... 0.96
00:43:30.000 That would make you paranoid, though? 0.98
00:43:31.000 Just be...
00:43:32.000 Don't you just, like...
00:43:33.000 Just think of mortality and life and death and people used to know.
00:43:37.000 Not 10 milligrams.
00:43:37.000 Well, sometimes.
00:43:38.000 Oh, little baby.
00:43:39.000 Little baby doses.
00:43:40.000 Yeah.
00:43:40.000 Yeah.
00:43:42.000 I mean, I get paranoid anyway. 0.97
00:43:44.000 I get fucking paranoid on the road. 0.98
00:43:46.000 Driving through West Texas. 0.99
00:43:48.000 I know.
00:43:49.000 How far have you been from Austin?
00:43:51.000 I've been.
00:43:52.000 In a car.
00:43:53.000 Not recently, but I've been.
00:43:55.000 I've driven, you know, down to Houston, Dallas.
00:43:59.000 West Texas.
00:44:00.000 Yeah, West Texas, you might as well be in a vampire movie.
00:44:03.000 Especially when I'm in that headspace.
00:44:04.000 Okay, I just did 450 miles.
00:44:08.000 Stopping to piss once with my gator up. 0.99
00:44:13.000 The gator's fucking great because it hides my fucking old man neck flesh. 0.99
00:44:17.000 Well, there was a lot of guys that were rocking the neck bandana anyway for a long time. 0.99
00:44:22.000 And now, you know, they just keep it going. 0.99
00:44:24.000 By the way, that neck bandana doesn't do jack shit. 0.89
00:44:27.000 I talked to my doctor about it. 0.99
00:44:29.000 He was like, you might as well not have a fucking mask on with that thing. 0.99
00:44:32.000 If I'm in a place, I put a fucking N95 and then I put this over it. 0.99
00:44:38.000 Are you taking any vitamins or anything to try to protect yourself? 0.98
00:44:42.000 Yeah, I took four B12s before I came here.
00:44:43.000 I get chewable zincs with C. At home, I load up on C. I wake up, I drink a smoothie that has carrot juice, beets.
00:44:54.000 If it's a red one, I'll do beets and strawberries, spinach.
00:44:58.000 I don't fucking do kale, broccoli, and I have the green mix, flaxseed and peanut butter for protein.
00:45:06.000 If it's green, I do cucumber and celery for flavor, green apple, pineapple. 0.96
00:45:11.000 Are you feeling better from doing this? 0.99
00:45:14.000 No, I feel like shit all the time. 0.98
00:45:15.000 That doesn't help at all? 0.99
00:45:17.000 I'm sure it does, but I don't notice.
00:45:19.000 I'm really bad with cause and effect.
00:45:22.000 Like...
00:45:24.000 I get nervous.
00:45:25.000 When I started this, I'm like, I'm nervous and I love it, but I'm not mentally aware that I'm nervous.
00:45:31.000 I know physically that I'm nervous.
00:45:33.000 When I book the UK, I'm so terrified of the UK for some reason, even though they're very welcoming to me.
00:45:42.000 I'm terrified of their audiences because generally I think they're smarter and funnier than most American comedians.
00:45:50.000 Just the average guy in the crowd...
00:45:54.000 I know when I can't brush my tongue because I gag that I'm nervous, where I wasn't really aware that I was nervous until I think they have very high standards for your work in the UK. They don't tolerate sloppiness so much.
00:46:13.000 They want you to be prepared.
00:46:16.000 But I don't know what they expect.
00:46:19.000 Because you don't know the culture as well.
00:46:21.000 Right.
00:46:21.000 I can't profile like you can in the States where you can look at a person and know by what they're wearing or how they carry themselves.
00:46:35.000 Over there, everyone's just a mutated head like me. 0.65
00:46:39.000 I don't know.
00:46:43.000 They're generally very accepting towards American comics, though.
00:46:49.000 American comics have gone over there.
00:46:50.000 They've done really well.
00:46:51.000 Bird did his last special there.
00:46:54.000 Obviously, Hicks became huge over there.
00:46:56.000 A lot of guys go over there and do really well.
00:46:59.000 I don't know why, but I just don't know...
00:47:04.000 They're very polite there, too, right?
00:47:06.000 During the day.
00:47:07.000 A few pints later, then all their aggro that they've swallowed because of their culture. 0.97
00:47:15.000 Oh, it's impolite to say this, and that's why they're fucking smashing each other in the head with pint glasses at the end of the night at last call, or whatever they call last call. 0.96
00:47:24.000 They got a lot of stabbings over there. 0.97
00:47:27.000 It's a weird thing, because, you know, it's hard to get a gun.
00:47:30.000 Yeah.
00:47:31.000 There's an old bit I used to do.
00:47:33.000 We have all the shootings, but less of the fistfights.
00:47:41.000 We have no healthcare. 0.97
00:47:45.000 They can afford to beat the fuck out of each other because they don't have to pay for the stitches. 1.00
00:47:51.000 Yeah, they don't have a copay. 0.71
00:47:53.000 Tell me about this book.
00:47:55.000 Oh, Sam Talent.
00:47:56.000 Yes.
00:47:57.000 Running the light, that's for you.
00:47:59.000 Thank you.
00:48:00.000 I think someone else told me about this and I wasn't paying attention.
00:48:05.000 It's the best depiction of road comedy.
00:48:08.000 There's never been any movie in the United States that shows stand-up comedy for what it is.
00:48:17.000 What was Adam Sandler?
00:48:19.000 Back to Adam Sandler.
00:48:20.000 The one he did where he's the old bitter comic that thinks he has cancer but he's wrong.
00:48:29.000 Yeah, funny people.
00:48:31.000 I never saw that. 0.97
00:48:33.000 But it wasn't applicable to road comedy, where this is someone who's still doing one-nighters in fucking Amarillo, Texas. 0.98
00:48:42.000 He's an old guy. 0.98
00:48:43.000 And he's 53. We were talking before the podcast about Bill Maher's book.
00:48:49.000 A lot of people don't know it.
00:48:50.000 It's one of the things that I... Before I talk to Bill Maher, I want to tell him. 1.00
00:48:55.000 Did you tell his fucking writers to stop stealing my fucking bits? 1.00
00:49:01.000 Are they stealing your bits? 1.00
00:49:02.000 Really? 0.99
00:49:02.000 That Patreon was supposed to go out fucking three weeks ago, but Chaley was on vacation. 0.99
00:49:07.000 Yeah, so again... 0.89
00:49:08.000 What bit?
00:49:09.000 Well, this time, it's subtle hints at it.
00:49:15.000 It was about...
00:49:18.000 Well, my bit was about the 10k fun run for your own ego, I think was the track title.
00:49:24.000 But his was, we have to stop raising awareness for raising awareness.
00:49:28.000 And then there's things that are absolutely specific to my bit from four years ago when it was relevant.
00:49:36.000 He goes into...
00:49:38.000 And football!
00:49:39.000 Can you stop with the pink shoes?
00:49:43.000 I'm trying to watch the game here.
00:49:46.000 Specific lines in my cadence. 1.00
00:49:50.000 I know you fucking... 1.00
00:49:52.000 I don't think Bill Maher stole shit because I don't think he's that committed to his own show. 1.00
00:49:57.000 I think he walks into his writer's room and says, what's my opinion this week? 0.99
00:50:01.000 You, go.
00:50:02.000 You, go. 0.99
00:50:04.000 But he's fucking ripped me off since 2007 as a PR stunt basically when Bristol Palin was announced that she was pregnant at like 17 when Sarah Palin was a vice presidential candidate. 0.98
00:50:21.000 We put up a website. 0.99
00:50:24.000 Savingbristol.com, where I was offering her like 25 grand to have an abortion so she doesn't ruin her life and get stuck in that cult. 1.00
00:50:31.000 The next day or within that week, he put up a fucking Levi, the father of the baby, a website saying we're going to raise money to fucking... 0.99
00:50:43.000 Like, mirror... 0.99
00:50:45.000 Like, this is fucking specific, and this last one was... 0.99
00:50:51.000 He's talking about NFL players wearing pink shoes, the bit I did, like, five years ago, where the NFL hasn't done pink shoes for years, and it's not even football season, and you're using the exact same fucking... 0.99
00:51:05.000 Wow. 0.98
00:51:06.000 Wow.
00:51:07.000 It's probably his writers.
00:51:08.000 You're probably right. 1.00
00:51:09.000 Fucking abortion is green. 1.00
00:51:10.000 It's one of my favorite bits I did a long time ago. 1.00
00:51:13.000 Yeah, he did that.
00:51:15.000 That bit?
00:51:16.000 I remember that bit very well.
00:51:17.000 Yeah.
00:51:21.000 That's the problem with writers.
00:51:23.000 We've always had a problem with that at the store.
00:51:26.000 Guys would come in, writers would sit in the back of the room, and then you'd hear certain comics' bits on someone's monologue.
00:51:33.000 We had that problem with the man show.
00:51:36.000 It's a reverse problem. 0.88
00:51:40.000 We know we're going to take the bad beat for doing shitty bits. 0.94
00:51:46.000 The sketch is like, do you remember the time we had to do some fucking awful... 0.97
00:51:53.000 Bit that... 0.93
00:51:54.000 Where we were talking...
00:51:57.000 Yeah, I know what you're saying.
00:51:58.000 But we forgot that we were...
00:52:00.000 We forgot we were mic'd up and we were talking about... 0.99
00:52:04.000 This fucking bit we're about to fucking... 0.99
00:52:06.000 We forgot that the head writer was listening to the entire thing. 0.99
00:52:11.000 The problem is...
00:52:12.000 I still feel bad about that.
00:52:13.000 I don't feel bad about that.
00:52:14.000 We were forced into that situation.
00:52:16.000 That was a trick.
00:52:17.000 You know, I tell people what happened with that show.
00:52:20.000 You and I got pulled aside.
00:52:21.000 But that specific incident where... 0.97
00:52:24.000 Like, if we had talked to Tom to his face and said, this thing sucks... 0.99
00:52:31.000 But he had to hear it from me smoking backstage by a fucking dumpster and you talking to me. 1.00
00:52:37.000 We're like, who fucking wrote this? 1.00
00:52:38.000 Jesus Gun. 0.99
00:52:39.000 Good God.
00:52:41.000 I can't believe I... I would never do a show like that ever again.
00:52:45.000 I don't think you can ever do a show where you bring in producers that aren't comics, that don't understand your sensibility, and then you have network executives that have their opinions and they're not funny and they all want to get their greasy little hands on the recipe.
00:53:01.000 And it becomes a disaster.
00:53:03.000 You know Olivia Grace? 0.65
00:53:06.000 Yes.
00:53:06.000 Very funny.
00:53:07.000 I met her when she was like 16. Yeah, she has a fucking tattoo of a quote of my bit on her belly from when she was like 16. And I go, I'll pay for you to get that covered up. 1.00
00:53:19.000 Get that lasered off, kid.
00:53:21.000 But we're pitching a show, a series now...
00:53:24.000 On what network?
00:53:26.000 For what?
00:53:28.000 Well, the premise is...
00:53:31.000 I don't know if you saw my Louis episode, where the character was named Eddie that was going to kill himself.
00:53:39.000 And it ends with me driving off to my last gig to kill myself.
00:53:43.000 But what if Eddie didn't kill himself?
00:53:46.000 And here, 15 years later...
00:53:49.000 It's kind of a Harold and Maude thing.
00:53:52.000 And it's through a British production company where you go, oh, okay.
00:53:57.000 It's a huge difference.
00:53:59.000 But we're pitching it homegrown network.
00:54:03.000 The point is that I don't need it now.
00:54:08.000 When we did the man show, I needed that and you didn't because you were doing Fear Factor.
00:54:13.000 Like, if you weren't doing Fear Factor, you had the... 1.00
00:54:17.000 The presence to go, fuck this. 1.00
00:54:19.000 I'm not doing this. 1.00
00:54:20.000 No, we're doing it this way.
00:54:21.000 And I was the guy that was in the office every day going, uh, whatever you say.
00:54:27.000 I think that's funnier.
00:54:28.000 Well, I only did it because I was going to do it with you.
00:54:32.000 Like, I was very specific with them.
00:54:34.000 Like, they pitched a bunch of other people and I said, no.
00:54:37.000 I said, I'm doing it with Stan Oper.
00:54:39.000 I'm not going to do it.
00:54:39.000 I'm like, I need a real comic.
00:54:42.000 I'm like, I need a crazy person.
00:54:43.000 Yeah, but I did not have... 1.00
00:54:44.000 You didn't have the ability to say fuck you. 1.00
00:54:46.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:54:47.000 But now I do.
00:54:49.000 So now it's kind of fun to pitch a series.
00:54:51.000 I don't need it.
00:54:52.000 I think it would be funny.
00:54:53.000 I love the premise and it would be dark like that episode idea.
00:54:57.000 Well, she's great.
00:54:58.000 I'm down for anything that she does.
00:55:00.000 But I just feel like at this day and age, anytime you bring other people into the mix, it's a mess.
00:55:05.000 You've got to be autonomous. 0.99
00:55:07.000 But I'm saying now I have that presence of mind where I wouldn't do something stupid because a suit went, how about instead of you're a suicidal drunk guy, you're a crazy guy who wears funny hats. 1.00
00:55:20.000 I would not capitulate. 0.98
00:55:22.000 Like, if we were in the same situation that we were in way back then with The Man Show, today, we would be like, no.
00:55:28.000 We're not doing this sketch.
00:55:29.000 Like, there was a bunch of sketches that were, like, they shouldn't have been on the show.
00:55:32.000 They just were not good.
00:55:34.000 And these guys, they had this idea of what it is. 0.99
00:55:37.000 My favorite fucking scene was the Joey Diaz bursting out naked to introduce us. 0.99
00:55:43.000 I remember Zoe Friedman cried. 1.00
00:55:47.000 It aged her like a president. 0.52
00:55:53.000 Where she became a frumpy old woman, looking at Joey Diaz, bursting through that, going, do you think this is what man's show is about?
00:56:02.000 Well, no, no, no.
00:56:03.000 That was before he did it.
00:56:05.000 Before he did it, she thought that.
00:56:07.000 And then once he did it, that became the number one thing on the show.
00:56:10.000 That was all the promos.
00:56:12.000 That was the thing.
00:56:13.000 Like, when they show the ads.
00:56:14.000 They only did it once, right?
00:56:15.000 Yes!
00:56:16.000 But when we did it, that became a part of the promos.
00:56:19.000 When Joey burst out naked and started dancing, that became a big part of the promo.
00:56:24.000 But before then, I said, I made a compromise.
00:56:27.000 I go, we'll do it your way first, and then we'll do it our way.
00:56:30.000 And then we don't have to show this again.
00:56:34.000 People can find it online.
00:56:36.000 But Joey's the best.
00:56:38.000 I'm so bummed out he's in New Jersey.
00:56:40.000 I'm trying to trick him into coming out here.
00:56:42.000 Once I open my club out here, I'm going to slowly trick him into coming out here.
00:56:46.000 I just have to figure out what's the proper strategy.
00:56:51.000 I'll come out here more because you're on the perfect side of the country. 0.73
00:56:56.000 Everything east of the 35 corridor goes all the way from the fucking bottom of Texas up through Kansas City and Minneapolis. 0.81
00:57:07.000 I could drive everything west of there the long route and listen to fucking audible books and be in bliss and in my most hyper-creative place. 0.96
00:57:19.000 You still got that white Suburban? 0.98
00:57:21.000 We call it the van. 1.00
00:57:24.000 We still tour in that fucking thing. 0.99
00:57:27.000 And you don't want someone to know. 1.00
00:57:29.000 You just had a fucking creeper come up to the door here. 0.99
00:57:35.000 Yeah, you don't want someone to know what you're driving. 1.00
00:57:37.000 That's why I have trained killers out there.
00:57:38.000 You know, I still, I do gigs in shitholes where they don't have a green room. 0.99
00:57:43.000 So I sit in the van and smoke cigarettes till fucking Chaley comes out and taps on the window, goes, come on in through the kitchen, we'll get you on stage. 0.99
00:57:53.000 And we call it mobile green room. 0.99
00:57:55.000 So we always call it the van on the podcast so people don't look for a white suburban.
00:58:00.000 Well, you shouldn't say that again.
00:58:01.000 We'll bleep that out.
00:58:02.000 No, no, no, don't bleep it out.
00:58:04.000 Bleep it out, James.
00:58:05.000 No, don't bleep it out.
00:58:06.000 You can put a rap on it.
00:58:07.000 Camouflage it.
00:58:08.000 People still say, oh, hey, you gave out...
00:58:10.000 My address is public.
00:58:12.000 Yeah.
00:58:13.000 Well, I remember.
00:58:14.000 You had those people coming over to your house for the Super Bowl party.
00:58:16.000 But I was saying it's an open invitation to, like, the town.
00:58:21.000 And you said, so it's like anyone who shows up can go?
00:58:24.000 I go, yeah, but I was talking about the town.
00:58:26.000 So people still email me.
00:58:27.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:58:29.000 You weren't.
00:58:29.000 You were on the podcast actively giving out your address, calling the world to come to Bisbee, Arizona to come to your party.
00:58:37.000 Don't bullshit me. 0.96
00:58:38.000 You were 100% saying you were putting it out there. 0.99
00:58:42.000 Okay, well, I might have been led into it because of the power dynamic.
00:58:47.000 Oh my god.
00:58:49.000 The power dynamic.
00:58:50.000 So it was never...
00:58:52.000 People still will randomly show up and they're taking pictures. 1.00
00:58:58.000 It's just a fucking house. 0.99
00:58:59.000 It's not a compound or anything. 1.00
00:59:01.000 It's got a lot of loud colors.
00:59:05.000 So we had a couple problems with people who think that I'm talking to them.
00:59:11.000 Oh, those guys.
00:59:12.000 What's the frequency, Kenneth?
00:59:14.000 Yeah.
00:59:14.000 Did you get any of the chip in the head guys?
00:59:17.000 Any of those guys?
00:59:18.000 I don't gauge them enough, but still, they think that the podcast is secretly talking to you, like Twyman, who murdered his mother, thought that Lorne Michaels...
00:59:31.000 Was telling him to come on Saturday Night Live. 0.97
00:59:33.000 Had a couple of those where fucking Chad Shank is great. 0.98
00:59:38.000 I don't do Facebook, but when he sees problems coming like that, he fucking gives me a head up. 0.98
00:59:43.000 So two times, once I had to... 0.83
00:59:46.000 Have you had to do a restraining order yet?
00:59:48.000 Not yet.
00:59:49.000 I had my first.
00:59:51.000 I felt like, ooh, I'm someone to get my first restraining order.
00:59:55.000 The second one, I warned the cops ahead of time.
01:00:00.000 And the guy, I'm watching on security camera as the guy's updating his Facebook and Chad Shank is updating.
01:00:10.000 Yep, he's in town.
01:00:13.000 He's hitchhiking.
01:00:15.000 Okay.
01:00:16.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
01:00:17.000 And then I alerted the cops who fucking... 0.99
01:00:22.000 Bisbee cops have been so fucking cool with me. 0.95
01:00:25.000 Are you friends with the cops in your town?
01:00:27.000 Well, now a lot of them are judges.
01:00:29.000 They became judges?
01:00:32.000 Well, one of them, but they've all been cool with me.
01:00:36.000 A couple friends that are now judges.
01:00:39.000 Are you there for life?
01:00:40.000 Is that your spot now?
01:00:41.000 Yeah.
01:00:44.000 Let me get to Comedian Grove in a minute.
01:00:47.000 Comedian Grove?
01:00:47.000 Yeah.
01:00:50.000 When I left on this trip, right before I left on Sunday, my buddy Raider found a spot where you go, oh, we could make Comedian Grove, like Bohemian Grove for comics.
01:01:04.000 And it was the first time that I really thought, oh, I could leave Bisbee and move there.
01:01:10.000 Comedian Grove, meaning you have a place that comics can all move to.
01:01:14.000 Yeah.
01:01:16.000 Where we could set up, it's got 17 casitas, 29,000 square...
01:01:26.000 What is a casita?
01:01:26.000 Little...
01:01:26.000 Little houses?
01:01:27.000 Cabins, but southwest...
01:01:29.000 That's one of those things that I've read, but I've never looked up.
01:01:32.000 Like a casita?
01:01:33.000 Yeah, so they say cabin.
01:01:35.000 Yeah.
01:01:36.000 With a main house that's 4,000 square feet, like a ballroom, which would be the showroom, 2,000 square feet...
01:01:45.000 42 miles from a secondary airport where you go, oh, yeah, we could...
01:01:51.000 Do you remember the cave house outside of Bisbee?
01:01:55.000 Yeah, I talked about Vineet.
01:01:56.000 Remember?
01:01:57.000 I talked...
01:01:57.000 Yeah, and then we said if we...
01:01:59.000 It was a million dollars.
01:02:01.000 And I go, if we get 10 comics to pitch in, 100 grand, we could have this. 1.00
01:02:07.000 Like a fucking Comedians. 0.99
01:02:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:02:09.000 Like you always had that idea of the League of Extraordinary Comedians. 1.00
01:02:13.000 Yes.
01:02:14.000 Like a Skull and Bones.
01:02:16.000 This would be a place we could have a performance space, 17 different places where people could come in, like a private club, free speech zone. 0.99
01:02:27.000 I don't know what the fuck they... 0.97
01:02:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:02:30.000 With a showroom, a vacation destination, and I spent half of this drive turning off my fucking Audible book. 0.98
01:02:38.000 Thinking about it. 1.00
01:02:39.000 Fucking fantasizing. 1.00
01:02:40.000 Listen, let's pause you right here. 1.00
01:02:43.000 Let's join voices.
01:02:45.000 Let's join forces, Doug Stanhope.
01:02:48.000 Austin, Texas is calling you.
01:02:49.000 That's what I'm doing here.
01:02:51.000 That's my plan.
01:02:52.000 My plan is to...
01:02:54.000 I mean, I've already got...
01:02:55.000 Tim Dillon moved here. 0.99
01:02:56.000 Fucking Dillon moved here? 0.99
01:02:58.000 Dillon moved here. 1.00
01:02:59.000 Tom Segura moved here.
01:03:00.000 He's on the road.
01:03:01.000 He's doing gigs.
01:03:02.000 It's the best place to do gigs because you're in the middle of the country.
01:03:04.000 You could fly...
01:03:05.000 It's the middle up, middle down.
01:03:08.000 I mean, it's not the middle down, but it's the middle left, middle right, the middle up.
01:03:12.000 It's like to get to everything.
01:03:13.000 It's in the center.
01:03:14.000 But that's...
01:03:15.000 This is making a new L.A. Uh-uh.
01:03:18.000 No.
01:03:19.000 It's making no Hollywood L.A. This is Bohemian Grove for comedy.
01:03:26.000 This is like an invite only.
01:03:29.000 No.
01:03:30.000 No, it's not. 0.98
01:03:32.000 I just spent fucking three days fantasizing about this. 0.97
01:03:35.000 I understand, but I'm telling you. 0.99
01:03:37.000 Don't fantasy cockblock. 0.95
01:03:38.000 I'm not fantasy cock-blocking. 0.91
01:03:39.000 I moved here to do this.
01:03:41.000 It's one of the reasons why I moved here.
01:03:42.000 My plan was move here, get settled, live in a place where there's less people, and also separate stand-up comedy from the entertainment industry outside of comedy.
01:03:50.000 Because we're always been, like, entertainment industry adjacent, right?
01:03:54.000 Movies and TV shows, they corrupt comics in a way.
01:03:59.000 You know, in the opposite way you would think.
01:04:02.000 You know, you think of like people getting corrupted, it's usually for the worse.
01:04:05.000 But they get corrupted and they get watered down.
01:04:07.000 They become politically correct and woke and a part of the system.
01:04:10.000 We've seen it with talk show hosts and even comics that are good that start working in Hollywood. 0.99
01:04:15.000 They start quoting things like fucking Sacha Baron Cohen. 0.92
01:04:20.000 He made a Facebook message to Mark Zuckerberg asking him why a post from... 0.98
01:04:28.000 There's a legendary portrait artist from Australia.
01:04:33.000 Is it Lushux?
01:04:35.000 How do you say it?
01:04:35.000 A-U-S-H-U-X? I've never said his name out loud.
01:04:40.000 He's brilliant.
01:04:42.000 He's a brilliant portrait artist who does parody.
01:04:47.000 And Sacha Baron Cohen...
01:04:50.000 Was saying to Mark Zuckerberg, why do you still have this up?
01:04:54.000 It's a parody of Bill Gates with a needle, like a vaccine needle, saying, are you ready for your upgrade?
01:05:03.000 Or something along those lines.
01:05:04.000 It's just funny.
01:05:05.000 He did one of Elon Musk, after Elon Musk was on my show, smoking a joint.
01:05:10.000 He did that.
01:05:12.000 He does these massive murals, and he's a brilliant artist.
01:05:17.000 Sasha Baron Cohen. 1.00
01:05:20.000 Ali G. The fucking man. 1.00
01:05:22.000 I love him. 1.00
01:05:23.000 I love his work.
01:05:24.000 He's calling for parody to be taken down off of Facebook.
01:05:28.000 They get corrupted.
01:05:29.000 They get in.
01:05:31.000 They get in with this crowd of weird people who want to comply.
01:05:35.000 They all want everybody to be on the same page and we're working for social justice and inclusiveness.
01:05:42.000 And it's like, Jesus, man.
01:05:44.000 Like, your work is parody.
01:05:46.000 This is parody.
01:05:47.000 How did you get caught in this trap where you think that parody should be taken down?
01:05:51.000 This is so crazy.
01:05:53.000 Pull it up so we can see what it is.
01:05:56.000 Anybody that would think that this was real and this isn't kind of funny, look at this.
01:06:01.000 Time to install your update.
01:06:03.000 So you're saying Zuckerberg is taking this down?
01:06:05.000 No, no, no. 0.99
01:06:05.000 Who's fucking corrupted here? 0.99
01:06:06.000 No, you're not listening. 1.00
01:06:07.000 No, you said a lot of words.
01:06:09.000 Sacha Baron Cohen says, Mark Zuckerberg, how do you sleep at night? 1.00
01:06:12.000 Oh shit, Sacha Baron Cohen? 1.00
01:06:12.000 Yes! 1.00
01:06:13.000 Oh, I thought you were saying...
01:06:13.000 No, look at this.
01:06:15.000 This is on Facebook's Instagram right now.
01:06:18.000 Your algorithm is still recommending lies about COVID vaccines.
01:06:21.000 How many people have to die before you act?
01:06:23.000 Stop death for profit.
01:06:25.000 He's being serious.
01:06:27.000 And this is...
01:06:28.000 This is a...
01:06:29.000 This guy...
01:06:30.000 Pull up some of Lushuk's other stuff. 1.00
01:06:31.000 Do you have any idea why that bolsters my opinion of a fucking place out in the middle of the fucking desert? 0.99
01:06:40.000 Here's another one. 0.99
01:06:41.000 Sorry, but he made it afterwards.
01:06:43.000 He did a...
01:06:44.000 That's, I guess, his version of Ali G. But pull up the one of Elon Musk.
01:06:48.000 He did a brilliant Elon Musk.
01:06:49.000 He's really good.
01:06:50.000 But the point is, he does brilliant stuff.
01:06:52.000 It's cool to see.
01:06:54.000 But Sasha Baron Cohen, you go out to Ali G and...
01:06:57.000 And Bruno and all his different...
01:06:59.000 It's all parody. 0.99
01:07:00.000 But he got caught up in thinking somehow or another that this parody piece, which is making fun of like QAnon people who think they're getting a fucking microchip installed with the vaccine. 0.98
01:07:11.000 He's making fun of them. 0.97
01:07:12.000 And Sacha Baron Cohen gets caught up in it.
01:07:15.000 They've bifurcated comedians.
01:07:18.000 He's going all out.
01:07:19.000 Now he's making fun of Ali G. Look, he's genius, man.
01:07:24.000 His stuff is really good.
01:07:25.000 Is that his Instagram?
01:07:26.000 What's his Instagram? 0.91
01:07:27.000 Lush Sucks, I think, is what it is.
01:07:28.000 Let's make sure we know what it is so we can tell everybody. 0.93
01:07:32.000 Oh, he keeps going after him! 0.99
01:07:33.000 There's absolutely no one in the comedic field that I think has more balls than fucking Sacha Baron Cohen. 1.00
01:07:42.000 No one. 1.00
01:07:42.000 Nobody. 1.00
01:07:43.000 He just got caught up in the thing.
01:07:45.000 He got caught up in the thing.
01:07:47.000 He's probably so successful now and he's probably hanging out with other successful people and all the Hollywood people.
01:07:53.000 He's out of the loop.
01:07:54.000 He should know who that guy is.
01:07:57.000 Everybody should know who that guy is.
01:07:58.000 That guy is really good. 0.99
01:08:00.000 He does these massive fucking murals too. 0.99
01:08:03.000 He's Australian, correct? 1.00
01:08:05.000 Yeah, he does these massive... 0.99
01:08:07.000 He's a really fucking talented artist. 0.96
01:08:09.000 So for him to be making fun of this QAnon meme of installing a microchip in a vaccine, and for Sacha Baron Cohen, stop death for profit? 0.99
01:08:19.000 Man!
01:08:21.000 No.
01:08:22.000 No.
01:08:22.000 I get you didn't get it, but no, man.
01:08:25.000 No.
01:08:25.000 I mean, Ollie G in the house, have you seen that?
01:08:28.000 It's one of my all-time favorite comedy movies.
01:08:30.000 It's Ollie G in a movie.
01:08:32.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:08:33.000 It's fucking genius. 1.00
01:08:34.000 Where he starts fucking the guy thinking they're going to die. 1.00
01:08:37.000 It was just one of the best scenes ever. 0.99
01:08:40.000 Was that in that movie?
01:08:41.000 I don't know.
01:08:41.000 It's the only movie I remember him in, other than the...
01:08:45.000 Dude, I bought a special VHS player just so I could play his old show from the UK. It's that old?
01:08:56.000 It's VHS? Well, back in the day it was.
01:08:58.000 See, here was the deal.
01:09:00.000 There was different regions.
01:09:03.000 Sorry, there's two parts of my brain working here, and one of them is I have to piss.
01:09:08.000 Oh.
01:09:08.000 And that's one of the reasons I said, hey, why isn't Tim Dillon here?
01:09:12.000 So you could focus on him while I go piss.
01:09:14.000 Just tell me when you have to pee.
01:09:16.000 Don't worry about it, man.
01:09:17.000 Go pee.
01:09:17.000 Go pee.
01:09:18.000 I'll wait.
01:09:18.000 I'll wait.
01:09:19.000 It's all good.
01:09:20.000 Talk to Jamie.
01:09:21.000 I'm going to talk to Jamie.
01:09:21.000 Yeah, have a discourse behind my back above me that I can listen to.
01:09:25.000 I will.
01:09:26.000 I will.
01:09:26.000 I will.
01:09:27.000 There we go.
01:09:28.000 Nice pants.
01:09:29.000 Look at them.
01:09:30.000 They're PJs.
01:09:31.000 They're PJs.
01:09:35.000 When I haven't seen Doug in a while, we have to get into a rhythm together.
01:09:39.000 This is what I feel like with him.
01:09:42.000 I love him to death.
01:09:43.000 I love him like a family member.
01:09:46.000 But I don't see him enough.
01:09:48.000 So we have to get into a rhythm when we start talking.
01:09:52.000 I just hope Sacha Baron Cohen doesn't think I don't like him.
01:09:55.000 I love that guy.
01:09:56.000 I'm a giant fan.
01:09:57.000 I think he's amazing.
01:09:58.000 I just think he didn't understand what was happening.
01:10:02.000 I just thought it was silly.
01:10:04.000 But my point was, and I'll explain it to...
01:10:07.000 I don't have to explain it to Doug.
01:10:08.000 He's not going to remember.
01:10:09.000 I'll explain it to you.
01:10:10.000 You know the regions thing on VHS recorders?
01:10:12.000 Do you know the old VHS? There was a region for VHS players in the UK, and it was like a different type of VHS tape.
01:10:24.000 Do you remember that?
01:10:25.000 Vaguely.
01:10:26.000 I don't know how it worked though.
01:10:28.000 I know when this came out, I remember watching it, but that was still off the internet.
01:10:31.000 I might be fucking this up.
01:10:33.000 Now that I'm thinking about it, I might be fucking it up and confusing it with DVD players. 0.91
01:10:38.000 Is it a DVD player thing?
01:10:40.000 It may be.
01:10:41.000 Either way, it's some sort of a recording thing that you could only...
01:10:45.000 You can only play stuff from the United States if you bought one from the United States.
01:10:50.000 So if you tried to buy one of the...
01:10:52.000 Whether it's VHS or DVD, I can't remember because it's so long ago.
01:10:56.000 If you tried to buy them...
01:10:57.000 No, that's correct.
01:10:59.000 So the U.S. uses NTSC standards while UAK uses PAL, P-A-L standard, and it says they will not play on VHS standards.
01:11:07.000 Okay, so it was VHS. What was interesting is you would have to give a non-region VHS tape, a VHS player, and the VHS players that were really cheap for some reason would work on everything.
01:11:22.000 The ones that were more expensive would only work on US VHS tapes.
01:11:26.000 So I bought a special VHS player just to watch the Ali G stuff.
01:11:31.000 Because I loved him.
01:11:33.000 His interviews, like, by the way, Trump is one of the few guys that he didn't get.
01:11:37.000 Have you ever watched his interview with Trump? 1.00
01:11:39.000 Like, he sits down with Trump and he's doing his, like, Ali G thing where he does this character and he just acts like a moron. 0.99
01:11:45.000 And a lot of people got, like, really upset with him. 0.98
01:11:47.000 They didn't think it was funny at all.
01:11:49.000 But you could see Trump right away was like, what?
01:11:51.000 This is nonsense. 0.99
01:11:52.000 I'm just getting the fuck out of here. 0.96
01:11:54.000 But there were some legendary interviews where people, like, genuinely got upset with him.
01:11:59.000 One of the books I listened to on the way out, a guy who lives in Austin, Zha Zhang, wrote a book called Rejection Proof, where he was born in Beijing, and he lives in Austin, and he was trying to be an entrepreneur,
01:12:14.000 but he found himself afraid of rejection.
01:12:16.000 So for 100 days, he went out every day and did something where he had to face rejection, and he would film it for a video blog back then, and he wrote a book about how he over...
01:12:27.000 But the things he was doing is like, I asked a man for $100.
01:12:32.000 And then I learned something from...
01:12:34.000 I asked a man if I could tie his shoes.
01:12:38.000 It was inspirational because it's very sweet and heartfelt and he was facing his own fears.
01:12:44.000 But the pranks were so, like, base level.
01:12:47.000 I'm like, if you had four gin and tonics, this would be a four-page book. 0.99
01:12:52.000 Like, fuck it, I'll just... 1.00
01:12:53.000 Ask. 1.00
01:12:54.000 And when you look at, you know, Sacha Baron Cohen, or even the Impractical Jokers, who I love.
01:13:00.000 It was nonsense things, but it was still inspirational. 1.00
01:13:05.000 But the fucking balls on that guy. 1.00
01:13:09.000 That's a good move, right? 1.00
01:13:10.000 If you're having a real hard time with people rejecting you, just go get rejected a lot.
01:13:15.000 That's what he did.
01:13:16.000 That's really bold.
01:13:17.000 Yeah, and he was facing his own fears, but he also had a lot of insight that went back to...
01:13:25.000 Evolutionary psychology.
01:13:26.000 And the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. 0.99
01:13:29.000 And I go, I just listened to that in a smart fuck book about, oh, that's why the hairs on your fucking back of your neck stand up is because your animal instinct is to look bigger. 0.99
01:13:38.000 You go, oh, wow. 1.00
01:13:40.000 Like dogs.
01:13:41.000 Yeah.
01:13:41.000 Cats.
01:13:42.000 Cats, too.
01:13:43.000 Cats arch their back, too.
01:13:44.000 Try to get bigger.
01:13:46.000 Anyway.
01:13:46.000 I'm sorry.
01:13:47.000 I had to piss and fucking ruin the entire flow of this. 0.95
01:13:49.000 No, you didn't ruin it at all. 0.98
01:13:50.000 It's, um...
01:13:53.000 It's weird because if you were a reductionist, you could look at someone get rejected and go, oh, get over it.
01:13:59.000 It's nothing.
01:14:00.000 They didn't hurt you.
01:14:00.000 They just said no.
01:14:02.000 But it's not real.
01:14:03.000 We know that's not real.
01:14:04.000 But that's what he gets into is exactly Darwinian theory about there's a reason that you don't You are afraid of rejection because in your ancestral place, yeah, rejection would make you not be an available mate,
01:14:22.000 or you know what I'm saying.
01:14:24.000 Yes, I know what you're saying, yeah. 1.00
01:14:26.000 And it would wreck your confidence, and your confidence, I think it probably has- And then chicks wouldn't fuck you and you wouldn't spread your seed. 1.00
01:14:33.000 Right, but don't you think that has something to do, like the confidence thing, must have something to do with either fighting off enemies or predators? 0.99
01:14:39.000 Yeah.
01:14:40.000 I learned the pecking order, there's a reason they call it the pecking order, is because some naturalist realized, oh, chicken A will peck at chicken B, or chicken C will peck at D, but they don't do that.
01:14:55.000 D doesn't fight A because they know it would disrupt, they would lose, and then they wouldn't spread seed.
01:15:01.000 Yeah, I've seen it happen.
01:15:03.000 It's with chickens, rather.
01:15:05.000 Oh, I thought open mic night.
01:15:06.000 That, too. 0.99
01:15:11.000 I had to stop ourselves from getting into, oh, yeah, we know shit about fucking evolutionary psychology just because I read a fucking long book while I was scared of Alpine, Texas. 0.99
01:15:21.000 You know a touch. 0.96
01:15:22.000 You know, I think that that's one of the reasons why people are attracted to risk-takers, too.
01:15:26.000 And I think this has actually been proven, or it's at least, I shouldn't say proven, been theorized that, like, guys like dudes who do those BMX jumps and shit and guys who do, like, crazy risk-taking, like, things, there's something about that, that a person who's willing to risk their health and life is attractive to the opposite sex because that's a person who has courage.
01:15:47.000 Even though it's a weirdly bastardized form of courage, you know, it's not the courage to go fight The enemies of the town that are coming in to try to steal your women and children.
01:15:55.000 But it's courage nonetheless.
01:15:57.000 So we recognize that courage by itself is very powerful.
01:16:03.000 The ability to do something that's very dangerous and you can take a risk.
01:16:07.000 I think that even applies to why people are attracted to people that go on stage.
01:16:11.000 Exactly.
01:16:11.000 And that comes up in Zhejiang's book.
01:16:17.000 Adding humor and humor where humor fits into it.
01:16:22.000 It's a weird thing, right? 0.99
01:16:24.000 People like people that can handle shit. 0.99
01:16:28.000 Men and women, man. 1.00
01:16:29.000 If you find a woman who can take care of shit and handle a situation, like when things go sideways and she can laugh it off. 1.00
01:16:36.000 Or not be fucked up by the fact that you are going to live this life and you do your own thing. 1.00
01:16:40.000 Yes. 1.00
01:16:41.000 It doesn't need you to go to theater with her to offset the time she went to fucking MMA with you. 1.00
01:16:47.000 How about you do your own thing? 0.99
01:16:49.000 And that's beautiful.
01:16:51.000 Yeah.
01:16:51.000 Yeah, the confidence to do your own thing.
01:16:53.000 And I think that's one thing where women in particular lose a lot of... 1.00
01:16:57.000 They lose a lot of respect for men when men cave.
01:17:03.000 That's the thing where the guy used to be into certain sports or something like that.
01:17:10.000 He's like, why do you watch that? 1.00
01:17:11.000 That's for morons. 1.00
01:17:12.000 And then he starts not watching it. 1.00
01:17:15.000 Why do you hang out with those guys? 1.00
01:17:16.000 They're idiots. 1.00
01:17:17.000 You think they're funny? 1.00
01:17:18.000 They're fucking idiots. 1.00
01:17:19.000 Stop hanging out with them. 1.00
01:17:20.000 Like... 1.00
01:17:21.000 And those women don't want to fuck those guys anymore. 1.00
01:17:24.000 It's so crazy that that's what happens. 1.00
01:17:26.000 When they beat a man down like that, separate him from his friends, don't let him play sports, don't let him get into things that she thinks are stupid. 1.00
01:17:33.000 Like, I dated a girl. 0.99
01:17:34.000 I've talked about this in the podcast before.
01:17:36.000 She was older than me.
01:17:37.000 I was like one of the few girls that I ever dated when I was young.
01:17:39.000 She was very hot, too, and fun. 1.00
01:17:41.000 And she would tell me what to do.
01:17:43.000 And I would listen.
01:17:44.000 I was 21 and she was 25. And I got in a car accident.
01:17:48.000 Some fucking guy... 1.00
01:17:49.000 I ran a light and slammed into my car. 1.00
01:17:52.000 And she, when my car was, we had to clean the car out because the car couldn't be driven.
01:17:58.000 She took my Whitesnake cassette and threw it away.
01:18:01.000 She made me throw it away.
01:18:02.000 I had a Whitesnake cassette.
01:18:04.000 Well, that's because here I go again on my own was on it.
01:18:06.000 And she goes, he's not going to have that anthem. 1.00
01:18:09.000 No, she was saying that it's stupid. 1.00
01:18:11.000 She's like, why do you listen to this? 1.00
01:18:13.000 This is so dumb. 1.00
01:18:14.000 And I was like, ooh, okay. 1.00
01:18:15.000 Like, I fucking just gave into it. 0.63
01:18:17.000 And then one day, years later, a fan who had heard the story sent me a cassette to the old, sitting on the old studio, right by Jamie's little amplifier. 0.97
01:18:27.000 It's a Whitesnake cassette.
01:18:29.000 But that was one of those things.
01:18:31.000 It's like, I knew where this was going.
01:18:32.000 I was like, okay, this girl's gonna keep telling me what to do.
01:18:35.000 And, uh...
01:18:35.000 Bingo.
01:18:36.000 Bingo and I, our worlds don't collide often.
01:18:40.000 The hair does.
01:18:41.000 You have the same color hair?
01:18:42.000 Yeah.
01:18:42.000 No, no, no.
01:18:43.000 She's... 1.00
01:18:44.000 No, I had to...
01:18:45.000 Because Chaley, Tracy, and Bingo all have dyed hair. 1.00
01:18:49.000 That's our fucking team. 1.00
01:18:52.000 That's the team colors. 1.00
01:18:53.000 So when I did this early COVID... Just as a goof, I go, oh, now I can die.
01:18:58.000 Like, I did the mohawk first.
01:19:00.000 Yeah, I like it, dude.
01:19:01.000 And, uh, yeah, I think I might keep it.
01:19:03.000 I think you should keep it.
01:19:04.000 It felt perfect when I saw you.
01:19:06.000 I was like, that looks...
01:19:07.000 There's no better feeling than shaving your head.
01:19:09.000 Oh, to me, it's so nice.
01:19:11.000 It's so nice, because I was trying to keep up with my hair loss when I got to a point where I was like, this is never...
01:19:16.000 I'm losing this fight.
01:19:17.000 I need to tap out.
01:19:18.000 Yeah, our good friend from Alaska, Billy Badd, he did the same thing.
01:19:23.000 He almost died from his transplant.
01:19:25.000 Oh my god.
01:19:26.000 He's got the same Charlie Brown...
01:19:28.000 Yeah, infection.
01:19:30.000 Imagine that.
01:19:31.000 So did...
01:19:32.000 What's the sports guy?
01:19:33.000 Joe Buck.
01:19:35.000 Joe Buck almost died from a hair transplant?
01:19:37.000 Yeah.
01:19:37.000 Really?
01:19:38.000 Yeah, I'm sure he was on Stern talking about it. 0.99
01:19:42.000 But he still get the Charlie Brown scar in the back and he just fucking wears it well. 0.98
01:19:46.000 But he's a badass like you. 0.97
01:19:47.000 That's why they call him Billy Ben.
01:19:48.000 This is my public service announcement.
01:19:50.000 Just accept your hair loss.
01:19:52.000 If you look at me from the back of the head, I want you to make fun of me.
01:19:54.000 Feel bad.
01:19:55.000 Feel bad. 1.00
01:19:55.000 There's a big stupid smile. 1.00
01:19:57.000 My forehawk... 1.00
01:19:58.000 It just goes back to my bald spot.
01:20:00.000 Yeah, perfect.
01:20:02.000 It's a thing, you know, if you have a good shaped head, it's a lot easier.
01:20:07.000 I have a friend who has a flat head.
01:20:09.000 I have a friend who's, the back of his head is totally flat.
01:20:12.000 Well, mine's the opposite.
01:20:13.000 I wish I could trade.
01:20:14.000 It's got extra brain back there.
01:20:15.000 Yeah, it's alien.
01:20:16.000 It's memories.
01:20:17.000 Yeah, they're big long ones.
01:20:18.000 Like, they do that with planks.
01:20:20.000 They squeeze people's heads. 0.97
01:20:21.000 But, like, I think it might take men longer To realize it doesn't fucking matter what you look like if you have a personality. 0.93
01:20:33.000 Well, it definitely matters what you look like, but it doesn't matter enough for you to be spending all your time thinking about it. 0.93
01:20:40.000 And there's other things to think about.
01:20:44.000 Like, your personality is the most important thing.
01:20:47.000 Like, it's everything.
01:20:48.000 If you don't have that, yeah, you don't have anything. 0.57
01:20:50.000 We could list all the people that should never have gotten late in their life, but they're fucking cool or they can play music or whatever.
01:20:59.000 Yeah, they got some talent. 0.72
01:21:00.000 The looks are the last thing.
01:21:04.000 I knew a guy was in a band, and he was not a good looking guy.
01:21:08.000 And he had terrible genetics.
01:21:10.000 Just one of those guys.
01:21:12.000 And he had this smoking hot girlfriend, and she just ran the show.
01:21:18.000 She just ran the show. 1.00
01:21:19.000 You know, he's this, like, feeble fellow and just wasn't, like, good with confrontation.
01:21:25.000 And he wasn't, uh, gigantically successful, but he was successful enough that, like, it was starting to get to him.
01:21:32.000 There was a little pressure.
01:21:33.000 And then he was always, like, checking in on this super hot girlfriend.
01:21:35.000 You okay?
01:21:36.000 You need anything?
01:21:37.000 Like, there was, like, she was, like, his handler.
01:21:39.000 Have you been that guy?
01:21:40.000 No, I haven't been that guy.
01:21:42.000 Except that one relationship with that 25-year-old woman. 1.00
01:21:45.000 I didn't mean anything.
01:21:45.000 No, it's okay.
01:21:46.000 It's okay.
01:21:46.000 But it was weird to watch.
01:21:49.000 It was like a predator wasp had taken over a bumblebee and just controlling the bumblebee.
01:21:56.000 And the bee's like, where should I go?
01:21:57.000 Where should I do?
01:21:58.000 But that bumblebee had talent. 0.91
01:22:00.000 That bumblebee could sing his ass off. 0.99
01:22:01.000 So he'd be out. 0.99
01:22:02.000 And then he'd get off stage immediately, grab her and kiss her, mouth kiss her in front of everybody.
01:22:06.000 That was his thing.
01:22:08.000 He wanted everybody to know.
01:22:10.000 Yeah.
01:22:10.000 It's, um, the dynamics, like power dynamics like that are very weird with people.
01:22:15.000 I have some questions I wrote on the road.
01:22:18.000 That's why I was so fucking jacked coming in here after three days of driving, is all of those thoughts about, okay, oh, I can talk to him about this, and then, oh, I'm going there, I can't remember three days of thoughts, I'm gonna belch them all out like a breach, 0.98
01:22:35.000 birth, fucking abortion, all in the first 30 minutes and have nothing to say. 0.98
01:22:40.000 Douglas will always have something to say. 0.99
01:22:42.000 It went to nowhere because I don't know enough references of new comics or new hot comics.
01:22:49.000 I was going to do the Power Dynamic game.
01:22:51.000 I'll save this for Kreischer because he loves games.
01:22:55.000 Does he?
01:22:55.000 Yeah, like we always would like, okay, we're going to do top three comics that you could tour with if you wanted to tour and like, okay...
01:23:06.000 I picked Chappelle, and I go, Bamford! 0.99
01:23:09.000 You're like, fuck, I should have picked Bamford! 1.00
01:23:11.000 Back and forth. 1.00
01:23:12.000 But it was the power dynamic game, where if there were two, like, equal parties, and they had a relationship, let's just say the easy Kreischer-Segura, let's say they were in a gay relationship, and one of them wanted to say the other one took advantage of me.
01:23:31.000 Because of their power dynamic.
01:23:33.000 But you have to make it difficult.
01:23:34.000 Like, okay, who does have...
01:23:36.000 You just said Moshi and...
01:23:38.000 Natasha.
01:23:39.000 Yeah.
01:23:39.000 I don't know either of them, you know, well enough.
01:23:43.000 Like, who would have the power dynamic that they could claim he took advantage of me because...
01:23:49.000 I don't think they do have...
01:23:50.000 Or she... 0.70
01:23:51.000 I don't think either one of them have it.
01:23:52.000 I think that's one of the reasons why they work so well.
01:23:53.000 I think they're both really funny.
01:23:55.000 That's why it's...
01:23:56.000 It's a game.
01:23:56.000 We started this with who would you rather day drink with?
01:24:00.000 Bukowski or Hunter S. Thompson?
01:24:03.000 Hunter.
01:24:03.000 All day.
01:24:05.000 Day drink is a different thing, Joe. 1.00
01:24:07.000 Day drink means you're just sullen at a fucking... 0.99
01:24:10.000 The light's coming through the tavern door. 1.00
01:24:13.000 Hunter would be way too fucking ecstatic to go shoot things. 0.99
01:24:18.000 He's a night drunk. 0.99
01:24:19.000 I think Bukowski. 0.99
01:24:21.000 But the power dynamic game, I gave up on because I don't know enough of the fucking... 0.99
01:24:25.000 I would take either. 0.98
01:24:27.000 I would be super excited to drink with Bukowski.
01:24:30.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:24:31.000 But when it comes to a fan of the work...
01:24:34.000 We stopped playing that game, by the way, when no one could top Bill Murray.
01:24:38.000 Oh yeah, he's the best, right?
01:24:40.000 You'd want to hang out with him.
01:24:41.000 Yes.
01:24:41.000 Number one.
01:24:42.000 Bucket list.
01:24:42.000 Bill Murray would be number one.
01:24:44.000 Yeah.
01:24:45.000 But, you know, that's over people.
01:24:48.000 Yeah, I guess so.
01:24:49.000 I'm going to my notes.
01:24:52.000 Two other things.
01:24:53.000 Bukowski would be great to hang with, no doubt.
01:24:56.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:24:57.000 One of the things that I love about Bukowski more than anything is that he was in the post office until he was like in his 40s.
01:25:02.000 I used to use him as a negative inspiration. 0.99
01:25:06.000 In my 30s, where I, like, be lazy, and I go, ah, fuck it. 0.99
01:25:12.000 Bukowski didn't write shit until he was, like, 43 years old, so I would use that as negative inspiration for why I can not work, because now I'm 53. Well, there's, like, you get a different... 0.99
01:25:25.000 You get a different product, right?
01:25:27.000 It's like, you could cook a steak, and you could sear it for five minutes on each side, or you could cook a brisket, and it takes 18 hours.
01:25:36.000 They're very different things.
01:25:37.000 You could do it both ways. 0.99
01:25:39.000 You could start off and be gung-ho out of the gate when you're 21 years old, or you could be a fucking Bukowski. 0.98
01:25:45.000 But you don't get a Bukowski if you're gung-ho out of the gate when you're 21 years old. 0.95
01:25:48.000 You get a Bukowski after the work, after like...
01:25:51.000 Struggling at a job, bad relationships.
01:25:52.000 But I would just focus on his age going, okay, I don't have to do anything until then.
01:25:59.000 You have to understand.
01:26:02.000 You have to drive from Tucson.
01:26:07.000 Where you get to Van Horn and go, should I take the scenic route through Marfa and Alpine? 0.99
01:26:12.000 Or should I go right to Fort Stockton and check into a fucking horrible hotel that I'm terrified to go in with a pink mohawk in West Texas? 1.00
01:26:22.000 And do I wear a mask? 0.99
01:26:23.000 Are they going to mock me for wearing a mask?
01:26:25.000 Yeah, you should cover the mohawk up with a hat. 0.99
01:26:30.000 Motel Kitzmiller in fucking Fredericksburg. 0.98
01:26:33.000 I have to give a shout out to them because that was a place. 0.98
01:26:37.000 I don't know if this is a sketchy motel or if it's retro. 0.99
01:26:42.000 And I go, you know, fucking... 0.99
01:26:46.000 Texas is a scary place if you don't know where you are. 0.99
01:26:49.000 And this guy, before I could hand him my ID, he said, just want you to know I'm a big fan. 0.98
01:26:56.000 And I'm like, oh, thank God, because I didn't know if I was going to get fucking murdered here. 0.96
01:27:01.000 That's hilarious. 0.97
01:27:02.000 Texas has got a lot of open space.
01:27:04.000 That's the weird part about it.
01:27:05.000 Like, you feel like you could drive for days.
01:27:09.000 It just feels like that.
01:27:10.000 There's some spots where you're like, wow, there's like nothing out here.
01:27:13.000 There's a long road where there's not a lot out there.
01:27:16.000 And you get this weird feeling of like, man, if I just vanished, how long would it take before they found me?
01:27:22.000 Yeah, this is...
01:27:22.000 Well, if you don't know, you have seen No Country for Old Men.
01:27:28.000 Yes.
01:27:28.000 That's West Texas.
01:27:29.000 Yes.
01:27:30.000 So I was thinking...
01:27:31.000 Perfect reference.
01:27:32.000 Joe Rogan...
01:27:34.000 Do you think, at your best moment, a better host or a better guest?
01:27:43.000 Are you giving me the booger sign?
01:27:45.000 No, no, I'm scratching my nose.
01:27:46.000 Oh, good.
01:27:47.000 I don't know.
01:27:49.000 Okay, well, the question evolved as the miles went by to, if you were on the Howard Stern show...
01:27:59.000 One shot only.
01:28:01.000 Of the five places on the Howard Stern Show, where would your personality best fit in?
01:28:10.000 As the host, the guest, the Artie chair, the Fred chair, we all know that's Greg Chaley's chair.
01:28:17.000 I thought I would be the best Robin Quivers.
01:28:20.000 Would you be the best guest for one episode or the best host?
01:28:24.000 Because you kind of do both here.
01:28:26.000 His show is so different, though.
01:28:28.000 His show is so different than any other show.
01:28:30.000 He's way away from everybody, and he's up in that podium.
01:28:34.000 It's like an interview.
01:28:35.000 He's doing an interview.
01:28:35.000 I'm saying there's two open spots on the Howard Stern show that we have to fill in for.
01:28:41.000 I'd probably be the Artie.
01:28:42.000 Take the Artie chair.
01:28:42.000 I did that a few times, you know.
01:28:44.000 So did I. Yeah.
01:28:46.000 I did it back after Jackie left.
01:28:49.000 To me, that was like when Jackie left the Howard Stern show.
01:28:51.000 I was like, what?
01:28:53.000 How can they break up?
01:28:54.000 I sat in auditioning for the Artie chair, knowing that even if I got it, it would be a coin flip, or it would be a hard decision.
01:29:04.000 If they offered me the job, would I live in New York City to take that job?
01:29:10.000 Yeah, I've never been really interested in living in New York.
01:29:14.000 I think New York is good for two things.
01:29:17.000 It's good for doing short comedy sets, and it's good for playing pool.
01:29:20.000 There's a lot of pool halls in New York City.
01:29:22.000 You get to hop around, go to good places, and find good players.
01:29:25.000 Yeah, I forget you're a shark.
01:29:26.000 I'm not a shark.
01:29:27.000 I'm terrible.
01:29:28.000 I'm terrible now, man.
01:29:29.000 I played last night.
01:29:30.000 Embarrassing.
01:29:31.000 I just don't have a table here.
01:29:33.000 I could never play on a legit big table.
01:29:39.000 Bar tables, quarter tables.
01:29:41.000 Those are fun.
01:29:42.000 On acid, I had my best pool games ever.
01:29:46.000 Makes sense.
01:29:46.000 You're more in tune with what's going on.
01:29:50.000 That was the dumb question. 0.98
01:29:51.000 The guys who used to gamble a lot used to take... 1.00
01:29:54.000 I think they called them black beauties. 0.99
01:29:56.000 I believe...
01:29:57.000 Look up what...
01:29:59.000 Speed.
01:29:59.000 It is speed.
01:30:00.000 Some kind of amphetamines.
01:30:02.000 And they would gamble for like 16, 17 hours in a row.
01:30:05.000 And they would all do...
01:30:06.000 The best pool players from the day in the 70s were all speed freaks.
01:30:09.000 And there was one of them, the guy's named Buddy Hall...
01:30:12.000 Buddy Hall wrote a book.
01:30:13.000 It's a crazy book because it's so obviously...
01:30:16.000 It's him and his friend Woody.
01:30:18.000 Woody wrote it down.
01:30:21.000 I have a copy of it, but it's a rare book.
01:30:23.000 You have to buy a used copy of it.
01:30:26.000 And this book is basically about his gambling days when he's this young kid.
01:30:32.000 In Kentucky, they called him the Rifleman and he would just get fired up on speed and play people like $10,000 and fucking just never miss.
01:30:41.000 He was like this legendary guy.
01:30:43.000 Like Buddy Hall is like one of the best pool players of all time.
01:30:47.000 But like in his day, it wasn't just that he was a great pool player, he's a gambler and like a stone cold killer. 0.97
01:30:54.000 Like you would bring in guys from the Philippines and they would have fucking backers and piles of cash. 0.98
01:30:59.000 It's like every which way but loose. 0.98
01:31:01.000 But it was legit, and they would go to play the Rifleman.
01:31:04.000 They would bring him for big money games, and he just would hold up.
01:31:08.000 He would win.
01:31:09.000 He would beat everybody.
01:31:10.000 And he was doing it.
01:31:11.000 A lot of these games, these guys were all speeded up.
01:31:14.000 And apparently, I've never done amphetamines like that, but they say that when you're playing pool and you're on speed, not only can you stay awake, but you see things, like super sharp and clear.
01:31:25.000 You see the angles.
01:31:26.000 It's like it's all mapped out for you.
01:31:28.000 Yeah, acid.
01:31:29.000 This was a comedown of acid, which is different than peaking, where the felt wasn't breathing.
01:31:36.000 This is when you're coming down.
01:31:38.000 You've got to see what this dude looks like.
01:31:39.000 Pull up a photo of Buddy Hall from the 1970s.
01:31:44.000 That's what you want to see.
01:31:45.000 You want to see bell-bottom Buddy Hall when he was real thin, because he got real big as he got older, when he got off the speed.
01:31:52.000 But...
01:31:53.000 You know, they all did it.
01:31:55.000 That was the thing that players all did, and he talked about it in his book, and they've talked about it in other books, too, that would talk about pool.
01:32:00.000 These guys that would gamble for hours and hours at a time, they would all do it on speed.
01:32:07.000 That's him.
01:32:08.000 That was him back in the day.
01:32:09.000 Go to that picture above it, though.
01:32:10.000 That was a little later in his life.
01:32:13.000 That one right there.
01:32:14.000 That's him when he's young, and that's Earl Strickland, who's another one of the greatest players of all time.
01:32:18.000 And that's probably from the early 80s, if I had to guess.
01:32:22.000 And that guy to the left, that one with no beard right there, the lower corner, that's Buddy Hall.
01:32:28.000 That's Buddy Hall when he was in his prime.
01:32:31.000 Jay Leno?
01:32:32.000 That's Buddy Hall when he was in his prime and they would bring him around to places.
01:32:37.000 And guys would seek him out to play him.
01:32:41.000 But he did this for decades and decades. 0.90
01:32:43.000 Billiards is kind of like bowling where if you get too good at it, it sucks.
01:32:48.000 This guy's going to run the table or maybe miss one shot.
01:32:52.000 Sort of.
01:32:53.000 This guy's either going to get a strike or a spare.
01:32:55.000 Yeah, but bowling, you're seeing the same thing every time.
01:32:57.000 You're seeing variations once you knock one pin or another, but it's basically like a break shot over and over and over again.
01:33:04.000 The complexity of pool is so much more interesting to me because there's so many options.
01:33:09.000 Every game is different, and it's all about getting angles to...
01:33:13.000 Yeah, but it's like...
01:33:14.000 If you know the game.
01:33:16.000 If you know the game and you're watching a guy like Buddy Hall play, it's art form.
01:33:20.000 It's an art.
01:33:21.000 Like, he's known for being, like, this slow, smooth player.
01:33:25.000 Like, he never does anything, like, erratic.
01:33:28.000 Everything is perfect cue ball control.
01:33:30.000 It's just so much precision that if you're a person who plays and you know how hard it is to do what he's doing, it's an art form.
01:33:38.000 Tracy, J. Lee's Tracy, she is a hockey fanatic.
01:33:43.000 So when football would end and hockey would start, it's just the same dudes that there's no football anymore.
01:33:52.000 And she'd put on hockey.
01:33:54.000 I don't get it.
01:33:55.000 It's just really fast.
01:33:56.000 You think it's all luck.
01:33:57.000 And she would have to explain the rules.
01:33:59.000 Like it's a bunch of dudes that are sad without football.
01:34:02.000 And here's this chick that's like, no, well, this is what icing means.
01:34:06.000 And this is what offsides is.
01:34:07.000 And this is high sticking.
01:34:09.000 And then I still never appreciated it till she made me watch the All-Star game where they do this skills competition. 0.99
01:34:16.000 And then it's like fucking Harlem Globetrotters. 0.99
01:34:19.000 Guys are bouncing, dribbling a puck on top of their stick and then fucking whipping it under their legs and fucking hitting coffee cups out of fucking cutouts and like, oh, it's not all luck. 0.99
01:34:31.000 There is skill involved in this. 0.99
01:34:32.000 Oh, there's super skill.
01:34:34.000 Hockey's fun to watch.
01:34:35.000 But if you don't know the skill, a lot of that's wasted.
01:34:38.000 If you don't know the game, a lot of that's wasted.
01:34:41.000 You know what they did with hockey that's really smart?
01:34:43.000 They put that circle over the puck. 0.96
01:34:45.000 So when you watch it on TV... That's like 15, fucking 20 years ago. 0.79
01:34:50.000 Yeah, but that's as many times as I've watched hockey. 0.98
01:34:52.000 I know, I just love it when you're as fucking dated as I am. 0.98
01:34:55.000 Even though you're a kid. 0.98
01:34:57.000 Did I tell you that I watched, that I rather used to help train Bobby Orr?
01:35:04.000 I used to work at the Boston Athletic Club when I was 19. I teach people to lift weights and stuff like that.
01:35:10.000 I was a trainer.
01:35:10.000 And I used to help Bobby Orr get on to the VersaClimber.
01:35:15.000 He had so many knee surgeries. 0.99
01:35:18.000 It was the craziest shit you've ever seen. 0.99
01:35:20.000 Both sides of his knees were just covered in scars. 1.00
01:35:23.000 People have no idea what fucking athletes go through. 0.99
01:35:26.000 Why are they getting paid more than our teachers? 1.00
01:35:29.000 Because they fucking die early. 0.99
01:35:31.000 Yeah, and his surgeries that he went through... 1.00
01:35:35.000 I mean, we're talking a long-ass time ago when they opened you up like a fish and stitched shit together and it all blew apart. 0.50
01:35:41.000 They didn't know how to make it... 0.97
01:35:42.000 And you had to bite on a ruler and saw your leg off.
01:35:45.000 Oh, wait, that's a civil war.
01:35:46.000 His leg...
01:35:46.000 No, it was a little different than that.
01:35:48.000 His legs didn't...
01:35:49.000 They don't extend.
01:35:50.000 They don't fully lock out.
01:35:52.000 They were always, like, partially bent and there was a range of motion of just, like, a few degrees.
01:35:56.000 He couldn't, like, really get up onto the machine.
01:35:59.000 So you had to kind of help him.
01:36:00.000 Like he had to put like one leg up and then the other leg up.
01:36:04.000 Couldn't be the nicer guy.
01:36:05.000 Super nice guy.
01:36:06.000 And you almost couldn't believe it was really Bobby Orr.
01:36:09.000 I remember I swore around him once. 0.99
01:36:11.000 Someone said something and I was like, get the fuck out of here with that nonsense. 0.99
01:36:15.000 And then Bobby Orr was like, oh, look at the language these kids today are using. 0.99
01:36:19.000 And I remember being so embarrassed.
01:36:20.000 Like, oh my god.
01:36:22.000 I swore around Bobby Orr. 1.00
01:36:24.000 What a piece of shit I am. 1.00
01:36:27.000 That was back when I was convinced I was a piece of shit too. 1.00
01:36:31.000 Can I go back to my next question? 0.99
01:36:34.000 Do you really want to go through those?
01:36:36.000 Okay.
01:36:36.000 No, no, no.
01:36:37.000 The next question was, and I put this on Twitter as a poll, but I really thought it was an interesting question for you.
01:36:45.000 Would you rather be the first person to take an untested vaccine or the first person to ride in the backseat on the freeway of a driverless car?
01:36:58.000 Oh, take the driverless car all day.
01:37:00.000 You'd be the first person to do that? 1.00
01:37:02.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
01:37:02.000 Well, untested vaccine? 1.00
01:37:04.000 I don't want to be there to test it.
01:37:06.000 Untested, but it's an untested driverless car.
01:37:09.000 I understand that.
01:37:10.000 Would you be...
01:37:11.000 I would imagine the driverless car, there's more...
01:37:14.000 You're on the freeway.
01:37:16.000 More examination of the possibilities.
01:37:18.000 They kind of have the camera situation set up.
01:37:22.000 Have you ever driven in a driverless car?
01:37:23.000 Have you ever driven in a Tesla when it does it?
01:37:24.000 That's what made me think of this, is you have a Tesla, and I thought maybe one perk is maybe you give me a ride around the block. 0.99
01:37:32.000 You're hanging out with Berth Kreischer too much, and you're trying to turn this into a fucking game show. 0.99
01:37:36.000 I don't like it. 0.99
01:37:38.000 I don't like it.
01:37:38.000 Well, then we could just skip it.
01:37:39.000 I don't know.
01:37:40.000 Maybe I would do the car thing.
01:37:40.000 I wrote it down, so I thought I'd say it.
01:37:42.000 I'd do the card thing, or if I was talking to a scientist that made the vaccine, if they had some reasonable explanation.
01:37:47.000 Thank you very much.
01:37:48.000 It would have to be like, you know, this is why we know this vaccine's safe, and we don't have to worry about it at all.
01:37:53.000 You can pull your notes out.
01:37:54.000 I'm just kidding.
01:37:54.000 I can't even read them.
01:37:56.000 I don't have my readers on.
01:37:57.000 Use my readers.
01:37:59.000 I have mine right here.
01:38:01.000 I brought the orange tinted ones.
01:38:04.000 Those are fresh.
01:38:05.000 Well, they also hide the bags under your eyes a little bit.
01:38:07.000 The same way I love the mask, because I have crow's feet.
01:38:10.000 When I wear the mask in a supermarket, crow's feet let people know that I'm smiling without having to see my ugly yellow teeth.
01:38:18.000 And I use these, and I brought them for getting, oh, it's been a year.
01:38:23.000 This isn't Zoom.
01:38:24.000 I don't need reading glasses.
01:38:26.000 We need a thing on your mask where you can hit a button and it makes like a Cheshire cat grin.
01:38:34.000 Like it pops up in LEDs. 0.99
01:38:36.000 I did buy a bunch of the stupid novelty masks where I have a beard and a stupid missing tooth or whatever. 1.00
01:38:45.000 I didn't even go to a fucking supermarket. 1.00
01:38:47.000 Do you want me to read those? 0.99
01:38:48.000 No, I'm just seeing if any of them are any good.
01:38:51.000 But you're doing this thing.
01:38:53.000 This dredge.
01:38:54.000 Yep. 1.00
01:38:56.000 That's a fucking... 1.00
01:38:56.000 Oh, in Bisbee? 1.00
01:38:59.000 Yeah.
01:38:59.000 Michael Bean lives there now.
01:39:01.000 Who's Michael Bean?
01:39:03.000 Exactly.
01:39:03.000 You know who he is.
01:39:05.000 He was...
01:39:07.000 I can never remember.
01:39:09.000 He was the original guy in the first Terminator that comes back.
01:39:14.000 He's in the Abyss.
01:39:15.000 He's in Aliens 2. I think he was in the second Terminator, right?
01:39:19.000 No, he was in the first Terminator, second Aliens, and the Abyss where he swears, I wasn't a bad guy in that.
01:39:27.000 Nah, you kind of were.
01:39:28.000 Everyone sees you like that.
01:39:29.000 Yeah.
01:39:31.000 So we're going to start a podcast.
01:39:33.000 You and I, too.
01:39:34.000 I'll tell you the premise afterwards.
01:39:36.000 Let's go back to...
01:39:37.000 We were talking about this before you left to pee.
01:39:39.000 Whether you would hang out with Bukowski or Hunter S. Thompson.
01:39:43.000 Both would be great.
01:39:45.000 It would be a different thing.
01:39:47.000 But day drinking, as a veteran drunk, there is a difference between day drinking...
01:39:54.000 Where today I'm day drinking.
01:39:55.000 Right. 1.00
01:39:56.000 I don't want to go fucking do shit with you. 1.00
01:39:59.000 I don't want to go MMA and up. 1.00
01:40:00.000 Yeah, you just want to lounge. 0.99
01:40:02.000 Yeah, I don't want to go out with Hunter and fucking blow shit up. 0.99
01:40:05.000 That's a nighttime thing. 0.99
01:40:06.000 I don't think he always did that, though. 0.97
01:40:07.000 If you look at his whatever routine that they documented that was famous for being a ridiculous list that you could read online of all the different shit that he did during the day. 0.59
01:40:19.000 And then who turned that into a song? 0.97
01:40:26.000 Fitzsimmons and I were reading the list and...
01:40:27.000 Yeah.
01:40:30.000 As he looks that up, I'll say...
01:40:33.000 Because I'll go back to the Howard Stern thing.
01:40:35.000 Would you fire Jamie to get Fred Norris...
01:40:38.000 No. 0.97
01:40:39.000 I'm being silly. 0.96
01:40:41.000 And it's going to get worse as I drink and turn into Huntress. 0.95
01:40:47.000 Mostly what he was doing was coke and drinking all day long.
01:40:51.000 He just hung out and did coke and drank and then waited until 6 o'clock in the afternoon and then he would start writing.
01:40:58.000 You've never done coke?
01:40:59.000 No.
01:40:59.000 The last thing you want with a day drinker is someone who talks a lot.
01:41:04.000 You fucking slouch with your seahorse posture and you look at the other guy and you go, I wonder what he really was doing during the days. 0.97
01:41:24.000 I mean, how much of it is just folklore and mythology? 0.99
01:41:27.000 Because it's fun.
01:41:28.000 It's a fun mythology.
01:41:29.000 I remember reading Stedman's You brought this up earlier about comedians.
01:41:47.000 Yeah.
01:41:51.000 I don't have that constitution.
01:41:54.000 I'm a one drunk...
01:41:56.000 Everything I do in my career, if it's a show, that's why I only do one show a night, because I drink the perfect amount to have a confident show...
01:42:09.000 You do a million things a day.
01:42:12.000 Imagine if you had to blow a load for all of your projects. 0.66
01:42:16.000 Okay, I'm going to do two podcasts, then I'm going to go do fucking 30 minutes at the comedy store, and then I'm going to fly to... 0.99
01:42:23.000 But imagine if you had to fucking actually ejaculate at everything you do during a day. 0.99
01:42:29.000 I'm good for one load a day, so I'm a one drunk a day person. 0.99
01:42:34.000 I'm not leaving here to go do sets at a place.
01:42:37.000 Uh...
01:42:40.000 I forget my point.
01:42:41.000 As you stare at me awkwardly.
01:42:44.000 I'm just waiting for you to finish.
01:42:45.000 I was waiting for you to say, yeah, I couldn't do that.
01:42:48.000 But the look you gave me was like, I could blow four loads a day.
01:42:52.000 The last four would be sad.
01:42:55.000 Exactly.
01:42:55.000 The last three.
01:42:57.000 It's also like, there's an art form to doing less.
01:43:03.000 There's definitely something to be said for having less things.
01:43:06.000 I would like to live multiple lives simultaneously.
01:43:10.000 So I could just pursue my individual interests in each one of those lives.
01:43:14.000 And just singularly, you know, not think about business stuff, just think about one thing that I like to do, and just live like that.
01:43:22.000 Because there's a real, it's really attractive to me, people that just get dedicated to, whether it is painting or just making music, whatever it is, you've got one thing that you're dedicated to.
01:43:33.000 I think that's something very interesting about that to me.
01:43:37.000 I don't even have the attention span for a lap dance, and I can't remember the last time I was even in a titty bar, but someone would buy you a lap dance, like Don King.
01:43:49.000 I don't know if he's still around here.
01:43:51.000 The titty bar king of Austin. 0.98
01:43:53.000 He would be like, yeah, after your Austin show, we'll bring you to the fucking yellow rose, or he flip-flopped between the titty bars. 0.99
01:44:00.000 I'll buy you a lap dance. 1.00
01:44:01.000 I don't have the attention span.
01:44:03.000 Like, I don't know how to react to the girl.
01:44:05.000 Like, I'm too old to go, ooh, you're so hot.
01:44:10.000 I'm looking at the other dancers, and that's in a three-minute song.
01:44:14.000 So your attention span.
01:44:16.000 I don't know how you're so well-adjusted.
01:44:20.000 I mean, you do drink. 0.99
01:44:21.000 You fucking smoke weed all the time, and you still persevere professionally. 1.00
01:44:29.000 You're baffling to me. 1.00
01:44:30.000 Yeah, I just do what I do.
01:44:32.000 I don't know.
01:44:33.000 It doesn't seem that hard to me.
01:44:34.000 I know people that do really hard things, so it's not that hard in comparison.
01:44:39.000 It's also baffling to me.
01:44:40.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:44:41.000 You told me I was fucking... 0.99
01:44:43.000 Before you even moved here, you said, hey, I'm moving to Austin. 0.99
01:44:47.000 If I fly you out, will you do my podcast?
01:44:50.000 And I said, no, but I'll drive out.
01:44:53.000 And you go, you drive that far? 1.00
01:44:55.000 You're fucking crazy! 1.00
01:44:56.000 I don't think I said it like that. 1.00
01:44:58.000 Yeah, you did.
01:45:00.000 I know because it made me feel powerful. 0.97
01:45:03.000 Like, oh, Joe Rogan wouldn't drive fucking two days? 0.98
01:45:06.000 I would drive that. 0.99
01:45:07.000 It's boring.
01:45:08.000 I find it boring.
01:45:09.000 I don't like to be in a car for 16 hours.
01:45:11.000 Yeah, it's my special place.
01:45:13.000 But I get it.
01:45:14.000 I get it.
01:45:14.000 I get it that a lot of people enjoy it, man.
01:45:17.000 They like long road trips and listening to books on tape and chilling and just thinking.
01:45:21.000 A lot of people really enjoy it.
01:45:23.000 Again, west of the 35 corridor. 0.99
01:45:26.000 You get me fucking... 0.99
01:45:28.000 I went through Fredericksburg on the 290. I went that way because I have a growing vertigo problem behind the wheel. 0.99
01:45:40.000 And what do they call them?
01:45:41.000 Like clover leaves or the connectors?
01:45:43.000 Oh, those things freak you out?
01:45:45.000 Like, to a point...
01:45:49.000 Where my arms, well, you know when you lift a weight, you would know.
01:45:54.000 You lift a weight to a point where, like, if you pick up a coffee cup afterwards, you don't know if you're going to smash it or drop it.
01:46:02.000 Right.
01:46:03.000 I get like that with vertigo, where I go, I can't.
01:46:07.000 Really?
01:46:08.000 Yeah, I can't.
01:46:08.000 What does it do to you?
01:46:09.000 Like, other than shake, make you shake, what's going on in your head when you...
01:46:13.000 Again, I don't understand cause and effect.
01:46:16.000 I don't know what's creating that fear.
01:46:19.000 But my lucid dreaming has become so...
01:46:26.000 You know that feeling in a dream where you're in a high precipice and you think you're gonna fall.
01:46:33.000 Now in a dream, I can jump off of it.
01:46:35.000 I know, oh, I'm in a dream. 0.99
01:46:37.000 I can fucking... 0.99
01:46:38.000 I'm jumping. 0.99
01:46:39.000 I'm gonna float or fly or sink slowly and safely to the ground.
01:46:43.000 I get the same feeling in real life on a high...
01:46:47.000 We were crossing the Mississippi once. 0.98
01:46:50.000 And I was behind the wheel and I started to have this panic attack and fucking Chaley's editing in the passenger seat. 0.97
01:46:57.000 And I'm like, take the wheel, take the wheel. 0.97
01:47:00.000 I'm freaking out a bit. 0.99
01:47:01.000 So now I need to be a fucking regular dosage of Xanax. 0.96
01:47:08.000 Hold on, before you get into that, let me take you back to the lucid dreaming thing. 0.96
01:47:12.000 Like, when did that start?
01:47:15.000 Over the years.
01:47:17.000 Recently?
01:47:18.000 Well, no, over many years.
01:47:20.000 Five years?
01:47:20.000 How many years?
01:47:21.000 It's getting better all the time.
01:47:23.000 You're better at lucid dreaming than you were before.
01:47:25.000 Was it a...
01:47:26.000 I had to come out this morning.
01:47:28.000 I took a Seroquel, which I try not to take.
01:47:31.000 What's that?
01:47:31.000 It's a very powerful anti-psychotic that...
01:47:38.000 It's probably bad for your liver.
01:47:40.000 Why are you taking an antipsychotic? 1.00
01:47:42.000 Because I fucking sleep. 1.00
01:47:44.000 I can sleep like 14 hours. 1.00
01:47:47.000 I'll get up to piss.
01:47:50.000 Go, like, lucidly out of the dream, remembering the dream, and go back, hang on, I have to piss.
01:47:57.000 Just like I pissed here on the podcast, I can get up out of a dream, say, please hold, dream, piss, lucidly, I'm not in a closet like Sean Rouse.
01:48:08.000 So Seraquil does that for you?
01:48:11.000 Yeah, and that's why I use it very sparingly.
01:48:15.000 Jesus Christ, that sounds amazing. 0.98
01:48:17.000 It's fucking the best. 0.99
01:48:19.000 What else does it do, though? 0.99
01:48:20.000 What's the bad part?
01:48:21.000 The problem is you cannot share dreams with people. 0.84
01:48:23.000 I know it's a hack premise, but where I woke up this morning, I went to bed after fucking Red Band finally called me.
01:48:31.000 And told me, oh, yeah, I prompted Joe Rogan to finally respond to you.
01:48:35.000 What time am I going to be?
01:48:37.000 I didn't know what time I'm supposed to be here.
01:48:39.000 He told me the address.
01:48:40.000 I think you were texting the wrong number.
01:48:42.000 No.
01:48:42.000 I'm pretty sure.
01:48:43.000 No, no, myth me.
01:48:45.000 Myth me. 0.99
01:48:46.000 If you want to put a half a million dollar bet, I'll use your half million as a down payment on that fucking Comedian Grove. 0.99
01:48:55.000 That's Comedian Grove. 0.99
01:48:56.000 I'll show you the texts.
01:48:57.000 We were just saying something, though.
01:49:00.000 Yeah, about lucid dreaming.
01:49:02.000 Lucid dreams.
01:49:03.000 So, I was in such a state when I woke up this morning from dreams where, you know the dream where you wake up and go, oh, fucking thank God everything was going for me.
01:49:12.000 Right, but this is what I want to know.
01:49:13.000 Did the lucid dreams start independently of the Seroquel stuff?
01:49:17.000 Oh, no, since I was a kid.
01:49:19.000 Oh, you've always had lucid dreams.
01:49:21.000 I remember when I was probably an early teenager, the first time that I could correlate that stomach drop feeling of when you're about to fall off of something, but you could fly.
01:49:33.000 Yeah.
01:49:34.000 Do you have flying dreams?
01:49:35.000 Sometimes.
01:49:36.000 Yeah.
01:49:36.000 But those have grown.
01:49:39.000 Where, okay, now I can fly.
01:49:41.000 Now I know I'm in a dream.
01:49:42.000 I can kind of control it.
01:49:44.000 I know what's going on.
01:49:46.000 And I can wake up and piss and go back to bed and get right back into the same dream.
01:49:51.000 Did you read books about this?
01:49:53.000 No.
01:49:53.000 Is this something that you just figured out as you were doing it, as you were having these lucid dreams?
01:49:57.000 Yeah, but the same problem that everyone who has dreams, you can't quite remember it, but the feeling, the stomach drop feeling, the, oh, I'm floating.
01:50:06.000 Things that connect your brain back to, okay, I know I'm in a dream, but I'm not going to wake up. 0.99
01:50:13.000 Let's fuck with this. 0.97
01:50:14.000 But you got better over the years just by having lucid dreams over and over again and realizing what's the thing that you do that gets you out of the dream. 1.00
01:50:23.000 Don't do that and just figure out what to do to stay in that state.
01:50:27.000 Sometimes you wake up or sometimes you're only alerted to the fact that you're dreaming because you hit bap, bap, bap.
01:50:33.000 Oh, I get a text message.
01:50:35.000 Okay, reality's on the outside. 0.99
01:50:36.000 It's fucking me up. 1.00
01:50:37.000 Shut off your phone before you go to bed. 1.00
01:50:40.000 But the Syroquil is more extreme.
01:50:43.000 It makes you sleep longer?
01:50:45.000 I don't know.
01:50:46.000 I don't know the science behind it.
01:50:48.000 But is the Syroquil making you have more lucid dreams or better control of your lucid dreams?
01:50:53.000 It's making me sleep longer and making me more aware that I'm in a dream.
01:51:01.000 I don't know.
01:51:02.000 I just, I know Seroquel dreams. 0.89
01:51:05.000 I've fucking lived an entire, these altered states.
01:51:09.000 Where I woke up and I'm like, is there still a receipt in my pocket from that dream that I can prove there's two different worlds? 0.99
01:51:16.000 It was that fucked up, but you can't explain that to people. 0.93
01:51:19.000 I wanted to call anyone. 0.99
01:51:21.000 I woke up and I was like, it was just a dream. 0.61
01:51:24.000 There's a movie about recording dreams that was pretty fucking good that I saw the other night.
01:51:31.000 I think it's called Come True. 0.55
01:51:33.000 And it's about apparently there is some technology that they're working on right now where they can record certain aspects of your thoughts.
01:51:43.000 Like if you're thinking about a triangle, it'll show an image of a triangle.
01:51:46.000 And they think they're going to get to the point Where they're going to be able to get at least some sort of a reasonable facsimile of the visuals that you're having in your dreams. 0.65
01:51:57.000 Oh my god, wouldn't that fuck with cancel culture? 0.63
01:51:59.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:52:00.000 If we could go, oh, hey, what were you thinking about when you heard this?
01:52:04.000 Yeah. 0.96
01:52:05.000 Well, that's what's really going to fuck cancel culture is when we get mind reading software. 0.66
01:52:11.000 When we get Neuralink and mind-reading software, people are going to recognize intent.
01:52:16.000 That's going to be a thing. 0.99
01:52:17.000 Whether it's 50 years from now or 100 years from now, they're going to be able to figure out when you're just being a cunt. 0.95
01:52:23.000 When you're really trying to change the world and make it for the better, or whether you want people to think better of you. 0.92
01:52:29.000 And in the meantime, all it takes is a few dedicated PIs to follow around. 0.99
01:52:36.000 What's that cunt from fucking TMZ? The guy that... 1.00
01:52:39.000 Yeah, all of them. 1.00
01:52:41.000 Until you can read his thoughts, go through his trash, fucking follow him like Scientologists do, and find out what dirt do we have on you. 0.99
01:52:48.000 Hey, I'm canceling TMZ because they went through my trash and found a few text messages that were printed. 0.99
01:52:55.000 All right.
01:52:57.000 I know what you're saying.
01:53:00.000 We're going to be able to read each other's intentions for sure.
01:53:05.000 Maybe not within our lifetime, but in time.
01:53:08.000 They're getting closer and closer to figuring out what's going on in your head during all sorts of different things.
01:53:14.000 During anger, during passion, during love, during hate, during jealousy.
01:53:18.000 Intent is everything.
01:53:20.000 Well, that's the thing.
01:53:22.000 It's going to kill comedy.
01:53:23.000 You know, mind reading software is going to destroy comedy.
01:53:26.000 Oh.
01:53:27.000 All that mind reading software.
01:53:29.000 It would save me.
01:53:31.000 If I were even cancelable, my intent is always...
01:53:36.000 Well, sometimes.
01:53:39.000 But in my comedy, my intent is always positive.
01:53:44.000 And I sleep good at night knowing that.
01:53:47.000 Yeah, your intent is always positive and to get laughs.
01:53:50.000 The weird thing about cancel culture and comedy is that they exist simultaneously at the same time.
01:53:59.000 Comedy is like the things you're saying inappropriate things most of the time.
01:54:05.000 Things that would get you fired from almost every other occupation and it's part of the occupation.
01:54:10.000 But how did they figure out how to split comedy into wings?
01:54:14.000 If there were as many Genres?
01:54:19.000 Genres of how they...
01:54:21.000 There's like 18 kind of gender slash sexualities now, but... 0.56
01:54:29.000 If you're only two wings, like, oh, he's left wing, he's right wing. 1.00
01:54:35.000 So stupid. 1.00
01:54:36.000 Like, fucking legions of skanks is this right wing culture. 1.00
01:54:40.000 No, don't. 1.00
01:54:41.000 I'm not a wing.
01:54:42.000 I've never been political.
01:54:43.000 I'm pragmatic. 0.99
01:54:45.000 I have fucking opinions about stuff, and we both agree that we don't know shit about what we're talking about half the time. 0.99
01:54:53.000 I'm all over the place with my leanings. 1.00
01:54:56.000 Unless I take a 22-second clip and make it viral, then you're a fucking... 1.00
01:55:01.000 Then I'm a right-wing lunatic. 1.00
01:55:02.000 I was fixating on you this morning where... 0.91
01:55:06.000 Sorry, go ahead.
01:55:07.000 No, go ahead.
01:55:08.000 When I see comics that I know and respect, and when I say I know them...
01:55:19.000 Comedians pretty much know each other.
01:55:21.000 I don't know them personally. 0.98
01:55:22.000 But when they take pot shots at you on fucking Twitter, usually comics like when Dane Cook... 0.98
01:55:28.000 Well, people are jealous of my fame. 1.00
01:55:30.000 People are jealous of a dollar amount that you made on fucking Spotify. 0.95
01:55:34.000 I think most of those comics are considering... 0.99
01:55:40.000 If I had this...
01:55:42.000 This reach.
01:55:43.000 If I could influence people, I would do it different than what Joe Rogan's doing.
01:55:48.000 And they think you're different. 1.00
01:55:49.000 No, you're just a fucking dumber like me that has a podcast that somehow went fucking huge with due respect to your effort. 0.99
01:55:59.000 But you're doing nothing different than you were doing 10 years ago when you started this. 0.99
01:56:05.000 Exactly.
01:56:05.000 The idea is that since you influence people, you should change what you're doing.
01:56:09.000 Because what you're doing is influential.
01:56:10.000 I think a lot of comics say, well, if I had that much reach, I would steer people in a different direction.
01:56:16.000 For sure, there's jealousy involved.
01:56:17.000 There's always jealousy involved with comedians.
01:56:19.000 So many comedians are narcissists that anytime anyone's doing well, they get upset.
01:56:23.000 I experienced it personally myself.
01:56:26.000 I used to feel that way when I was younger.
01:56:28.000 I've talked about it openly.
01:56:29.000 I would see people being successful and I would want them to fail because it would make me feel better.
01:56:34.000 I'd want But I don't think that's the case with you.
01:56:37.000 But there's a part of it.
01:56:38.000 There's a part of it when people are successful. 0.99
01:56:40.000 Other people want to shit on them. 0.98
01:56:42.000 There's also a thing where the idea that you have a certain amount of reach and because of that reach you have a certain amount of responsibility. 0.99
01:56:50.000 You have a responsibility to be yourself.
01:56:52.000 The problem is if you only lean into that responsibility and you think of it as this thing that you must do because you have a civic duty to spread this kind of information or that kind of information, then you can't be yourself anymore. 0.99
01:57:05.000 You can't just be whoever the fuck you are. 0.98
01:57:09.000 You have to be this thing that they think is more acceptable. 1.00
01:57:14.000 I think that's nonsense. 0.91
01:57:15.000 That's nonsense. 0.99
01:57:16.000 I think you just stopped yourself from saying retarded. 0.99
01:57:18.000 I was thinking of a better word. 0.77
01:57:20.000 Exactly.
01:57:20.000 Retarded, I'm not against saying it, but it's not the right word at the time.
01:57:25.000 It's like...
01:57:29.000 There's an inclination to tell other people what they should and shouldn't do.
01:57:34.000 And I think it's part of the problem with social media is that you can impact people.
01:57:39.000 You can get people to say things and not say things.
01:57:42.000 You can.
01:57:42.000 You really can do it.
01:57:44.000 You can get regular people to put their fucking gender pronouns on their bio. 0.99
01:57:49.000 Like regular folks that you've known forever, and all of a sudden it says he, him. 0.99
01:57:53.000 Like, really, Bob?
01:57:55.000 He, him?
01:57:55.000 Like, no one knows?
01:57:56.000 Like, what kind of game are we playing?
01:57:58.000 There's an argument for that? 0.99
01:58:01.000 That you don't want to be the old guy that's saying the fucking... 0.99
01:58:05.000 Yeah, you don't want to be Archie Bunker. 0.99
01:58:08.000 Exactly.
01:58:10.000 There is, but there's also a forced compliance to this culture.
01:58:14.000 That's the problem with it. 1.00
01:58:15.000 It's a bunch of assholes that are trying to tell other people what to do because they get a kick out of it. 1.00
01:58:19.000 It's just like the same people that want to yell at you when you're across the street to put your mask on. 1.00
01:58:22.000 They're like, listen, there's nothing to do with you.
01:58:25.000 Just stop.
01:58:26.000 There's too much of this going on.
01:58:28.000 There's too much of people wanting to tell people what to do.
01:58:31.000 And because of social media, they have this ability to interact with people.
01:58:35.000 And one of the things that people like to do is they like telling people what to do.
01:58:38.000 They like criticizing people. 0.99
01:58:40.000 They like shitting on them. 1.00
01:58:41.000 They like being mean. 1.00
01:58:43.000 It's just a weird thing.
01:58:44.000 It's part of human nature.
01:58:47.000 And it's rapid cycling to the point where you can't really keep up.
01:58:51.000 Yeah.
01:58:51.000 Yeah, just don't keep up.
01:58:53.000 Just be yourself. 1.00
01:58:54.000 You know, Bill Burr had a great response to this kind of shit on Bill Maher's show. 1.00
01:58:59.000 He was like, who, 200 fucking people on Twitter? 1.00
01:59:02.000 He's like, I don't read that. 0.99
01:59:04.000 I'm not listening to that.
01:59:05.000 They were talking to him about people getting upset at his bits and stuff like that.
01:59:08.000 You did that to me when you moved here.
01:59:10.000 Yeah.
01:59:11.000 If I was a new comic, you are the equivalent to Carson right now, where you have that much reach.
01:59:19.000 If I were a new comic and I was doing the Joe Rogan show, I would be nervous for every other reason than I was nervous today, which is I haven't been out in the real world in a year.
01:59:31.000 Right.
01:59:32.000 Like, if I was a new comic, I'd be shitting my pants, but it's that frog in boiling water kind of, yeah, I'm doing Rogan.
01:59:40.000 Right. 0.99
01:59:42.000 Your nurse here that gave me this swab to make sure that I'm fucking cancer free or whatever. 0.99
01:59:48.000 COVID free. 0.98
01:59:48.000 Yeah, she's like, what are you here to talk about? 0.98
01:59:50.000 I go, you don't talk to Rogan about stuff. 0.98
01:59:53.000 Rogan talks to you and you answer and you fucking wait your turn. 0.98
01:59:56.000 Yeah, I'll have to tell her to stop doing that. 1.00
01:59:58.000 I want a pre-interview.
02:00:00.000 Oh, she was making light.
02:00:01.000 Yeah, but that's a problem.
02:00:02.000 If you start thinking about what you're actually going to say. 1.00
02:00:05.000 Oh, I've been doing that since Sunday, you fucking asshole. 1.00
02:00:09.000 That poor prick, the guy that said I'm a big fan at the fucking Motel Kitzmiller in Fredericksburg, once he said I'm a big fan, I wanted to talk to him about all the things I've been thinking for 650 miles. 1.00
02:00:26.000 I asked, hey, if you want a cocktail, I'm making cocktails in room 8. Did you say it to him? 0.99
02:00:31.000 Yes, I did.
02:00:32.000 Wow.
02:00:34.000 And that's when I called Chaley and I go, let me do a Zoom podcast right now because my head is so fertile.
02:00:42.000 And Chaley said three words for an hour and 12 minutes while I just spouted off a million things I've been thinking on the road.
02:00:50.000 But you have to understand, in a year, I probably wrote down seven or eight premises in a notebook in a year. 0.99
02:00:58.000 Fucking comedy for me... 0.98
02:01:02.000 That's why I was not engaged. 0.99
02:01:04.000 I did not enter into any Twitter battles with anyone about anything that's going on.
02:01:11.000 Because if I don't have a stage to perform it on, it's useless information.
02:01:17.000 It's just going to make me pent up and angry.
02:01:20.000 Yeah, but you do it on the podcast, though.
02:01:21.000 You do talk about stuff on your podcast. 0.99
02:01:23.000 I'm talking to people who also don't give a fuck. 0.99
02:01:28.000 What do you mean? 0.99
02:01:30.000 Chaley and Chad Shank, we're just sitting around for a year. 0.99
02:01:34.000 They don't give a fuck? 0.99
02:01:34.000 What do you mean? 0.99
02:01:35.000 About the outside world.
02:01:37.000 Oh, okay.
02:01:38.000 The outside world is for business purposes only.
02:01:42.000 If I have an opinion about something that really doesn't affect my day-to-day...
02:01:48.000 Why get angry about something I'm just going to yell at my wife about?
02:01:52.000 So the inside world is Bisbee, and the outside world is just for business purposes.
02:01:57.000 So you have home base.
02:01:57.000 Pretty much.
02:01:58.000 That's a good way to handle it.
02:02:00.000 Home base.
02:02:01.000 I'm not having this argument at Safeway.
02:02:03.000 By the way, I don't know where the camera is.
02:02:05.000 I brought Signature Brand Cola.
02:02:08.000 Safeway.
02:02:09.000 If you want to shop for groceries, go to Safeway.
02:02:12.000 Buy Off Brand.
02:02:14.000 I don't have any sponsors.
02:02:15.000 Is it just as good? 0.98
02:02:16.000 I don't fucking know. 0.96
02:02:17.000 I just mix it with whiskey. 0.98
02:02:19.000 I'm looking for a whiskey sponsor that says, our whiskey is so good, you don't need Safeway brand off-brand cola.
02:02:28.000 Maybe you should catch up with drinking. 1.00
02:02:30.000 I feel like I'm the stupid one. 0.99
02:02:32.000 I don't think they're going to approve that for a marketing campaign. 0.99
02:02:36.000 Yeah, Safeway.
02:02:37.000 I would have loved to have gotten a hold of, I was going to say, the Coca-Cola that used to have cocaine in it.
02:02:42.000 That stuff must have been amazing.
02:02:44.000 Imagine what it was like back then when people didn't know that getting coked up all the time was bad for you.
02:02:48.000 I bet Depp has some in his basement.
02:02:50.000 I bet he does.
02:02:50.000 I bet he's got a wine cellar of it.
02:02:53.000 But it seems like a kind of thing that would...
02:02:56.000 I wonder what culture was like back then when a lot of people were doing coke.
02:03:00.000 It's probably really weird, right?
02:03:03.000 Did you ever see Ollie Joe Prater?
02:03:05.000 I never saw him live.
02:03:09.000 There's a six-episode, ten-minute series, ten-minute YouTube segments.
02:03:18.000 Sam Tallent's the one that hit me to that, the guy that wrote that book, Running the Light. 0.88
02:03:22.000 And he's just this coke head. 1.00
02:03:24.000 He's only like 5'1", and he's doing like really racist shit. 1.00
02:03:27.000 But he's like 5'1 wide, too. 0.99
02:03:29.000 Yeah, 300 and something pounds.
02:03:31.000 There was always a photo of him at the store of him climbing out of the limo.
02:03:36.000 He was like climbing out of the Comedy Store limo, and he's like, literally like, You can't even imagine he can get through the doorway, and he's holding the door open, and he's got a big smile on his face. 0.66
02:03:44.000 The urban legend that I attributed to John Fox, who was kind of his predecessor of, don't eat the mayonnaise in the condo, where his nose starts fucking dripping blood during a set, spilling onto his shirt,
02:04:01.000 and the audience is aghast.
02:04:03.000 And he doesn't know why, and he keeps plowing through his 80s cocaine comedy, which was edgy at the time.
02:04:12.000 And he realizes what happens, and he looks at himself, and he looks at the blood on his fingers and goes, What, nobody parties anymore?
02:04:24.000 John Fox was a hard partier.
02:04:26.000 I forgot about that guy.
02:04:27.000 Oh, he was the worst. 0.99
02:04:28.000 He was the guy that did the same act for fucking, like, 40 years. 0.99
02:04:33.000 Archibald Barasol. 0.99
02:04:35.000 Two firemen are butt-fucking in a smoke-filled room. 1.00
02:04:39.000 Chief walks in and goes, how'd this shit get started? 1.00
02:04:44.000 No, give him mouth-to-mouth. 1.00
02:04:47.000 He goes, how do you think this shit gets started? 1.00
02:04:49.000 Uh... 0.99
02:04:50.000 But I worked with him once when I was a kid in Reno.
02:04:54.000 And I said, didn't you have the nosebleed?
02:04:58.000 He goes, that's Olly Joe Prater! 1.00
02:05:00.000 Why are you fucking putting that shit on me? 1.00
02:05:03.000 I'm like, you kind of fit the bill. 1.00
02:05:04.000 And when I did Bill Burr's podcast once, coked out of my head after partying with Manson.
02:05:10.000 He goes, yeah, you're like the new John Fox where you don't...
02:05:14.000 I go, I have that reputation?
02:05:16.000 Am I the new John Fox?
02:05:18.000 Still kills me.
02:05:19.000 No, you turn over material much quicker.
02:05:24.000 I get sick of it way quicker.
02:05:26.000 I never saw that guy.
02:05:27.000 I think I've only seen him live once or twice.
02:05:29.000 I saw him at the Laugh Actor, I believe.
02:05:30.000 John Fox.
02:05:33.000 There's those guys that do that road.
02:05:35.000 That road, man.
02:05:38.000 Especially during the 80s.
02:05:39.000 Those guys, that was the first road.
02:05:43.000 I think, legitimately, the road popped up during the comedy boom in the early 80s.
02:05:48.000 Because that's when clubs started showing up all over the place.
02:05:51.000 And that was the oversaturation of stand-up.
02:05:53.000 What year did you start?
02:05:54.000 89?
02:05:55.000 90. 90. In 84, apparently, was like the roaring heyday of Boston.
02:06:02.000 And there was all these clubs around Boston.
02:06:04.000 But it's also when I think they started popping up all around the country.
02:06:08.000 Like, the comedy club world is a pretty recent world.
02:06:11.000 Well, there's the road, like Kansas City, let's say.
02:06:15.000 St. Louis.
02:06:16.000 Chicago.
02:06:17.000 But then the road I started was like Tribble gigs.
02:06:21.000 Billings, Montana.
02:06:23.000 The smallest of towns where they have comedy.
02:06:27.000 But it was huge still.
02:06:29.000 Like a Tuesday night in Missoula was packed to the gills because there was no...
02:06:34.000 Yeah.
02:06:35.000 Cell phone.
02:06:36.000 But you did those gigs at the same time where those comedy clubs existed in all these cities as well.
02:06:41.000 Hoping to get into one of those.
02:06:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:06:43.000 But my point is, before that time, those comedy clubs did not exist in those cities.
02:06:48.000 So if you went back to the 1970s, there was nothing.
02:06:51.000 And if you go to the 1960s, these guys were doing variety shows, like the old Lenny Bruce tapes, where he would be a host of a variety show.
02:06:58.000 He'd bring up a band, there would be a dancer and a musician.
02:07:01.000 Burlesque, basically.
02:07:01.000 Yeah, it was burlesque, yeah.
02:07:03.000 Latter-day Catskills.
02:07:05.000 Similar kind of stuff.
02:07:08.000 Vaudeville, that's the word I was looking for.
02:07:10.000 Latter-day vaudeville.
02:07:12.000 So those guys like Fox and all those road dogs, that was a new world.
02:07:16.000 That world was a new thing.
02:07:19.000 It didn't exist before.
02:07:20.000 And you could do the same act.
02:07:23.000 Over and over again for decades.
02:07:25.000 Nobody watched your show.
02:07:26.000 There's no YouTube.
02:07:27.000 And if you were a really good...
02:07:29.000 There was good road comics.
02:07:30.000 There was, like, comics that were, like, good, solid comics that only did the road.
02:07:34.000 And, you know, they would go to a different town all the time, and no one knew their act.
02:07:37.000 They'd never seen them on television.
02:07:39.000 They could crush.
02:07:39.000 Four acts that you could watch the same set...
02:07:45.000 Like, Junior Stapka comes to mind.
02:07:47.000 I'll bring Junior Stapka.
02:07:49.000 Yeah, no.
02:07:50.000 Play the hits.
02:07:51.000 Well, Brody was always...
02:07:52.000 Brody.
02:07:52.000 We always used to yell out to Brody.
02:07:54.000 I heard you were a model!
02:07:56.000 He was like, I was a model in Serbia!
02:07:59.000 And he would do this...
02:08:00.000 I fought in the Iraq War.
02:08:02.000 I was an Iraqi soldier.
02:08:05.000 That's neither here nor there. 0.99
02:08:07.000 But like Hedberg, we went down a Hedberg fucking rabbit hole the other day just laughing our asses off. 0.99
02:08:15.000 For sure him. 0.99
02:08:16.000 Well, you know, where I started out in Boston, that was what you would see these headliners do the same act over and over and over again.
02:08:24.000 Most of them didn't do television, or if they did, it was like little clips on Evening at the Improv, like little quick 15 minutes or something like that.
02:08:32.000 But they all had murderous acts that you could watch over and over again.
02:08:36.000 Like, I could watch Steve Sweeney a hundred times in a row, and it was the same act.
02:08:41.000 You didn't care.
02:08:42.000 Like, you wanted to laugh at it.
02:08:43.000 Yeah.
02:08:44.000 Yeah, it's like people would go to see him knowing he was going to do the same act.
02:08:48.000 But it was so good.
02:08:49.000 I don't know if you knew me when I did the jizz in the face thing.
02:08:54.000 When I finally stopped doing that, people were like, you didn't do the jizz in the face.
02:08:59.000 But that's when I was starting to get a voice.
02:09:02.000 I don't even know if my voice is my own anymore.
02:09:08.000 When I've written books, and I go, I'm mimicking a writer.
02:09:13.000 I think I'm mimicking being a comic to this day.
02:09:17.000 I saw what one was.
02:09:19.000 I mimicked it poorly until I got to a place where I could mimic my own voice.
02:09:24.000 But I don't know if I've ever had...
02:09:26.000 Like, we know real funny people.
02:09:29.000 Yeah.
02:09:30.000 That you want to...
02:09:31.000 Joey Diaz, obviously...
02:09:33.000 Dude, I think you've got a thing.
02:09:36.000 I think you've got imposter syndrome.
02:09:37.000 I think a lot of great artists have it.
02:09:40.000 And what it is, it's one of the things that keeps you good.
02:09:43.000 Because one of the things that fucks you is if you start taking yourself really seriously and you think your work is important or you think your work is great. 0.51
02:09:50.000 I went through that. 0.95
02:09:51.000 Anybody can go through that. 1.00
02:09:52.000 And that fucks you harder than anything in this goddamn business. 1.00
02:09:56.000 And so one of the best ways to avoid that was always think you're a fraud. 1.00
02:10:00.000 It's like, so your brain's protecting you.
02:10:03.000 That's imposter syndrome.
02:10:04.000 And it usually means you're conscientious. 0.58
02:10:05.000 Dave Attell is definitely the worst because he hates himself.
02:10:09.000 He's so meticulous about, I don't want that out there.
02:10:13.000 It's not as funny as the...
02:10:15.000 Right.
02:10:16.000 He's a legitimately funny guy and that self-hatred keeps him producing.
02:10:23.000 Yes.
02:10:23.000 Which is attractive.
02:10:26.000 The opposite is very unattractive.
02:10:29.000 The opposite is someone who has an inflated sense of their ability, and then they're not really that good.
02:10:36.000 That's the opposite, right?
02:10:38.000 That's so unattractive.
02:10:39.000 Whereas the Attell thing is, you're like, Jesus Christ, dude, you're one of the best comics that's ever lived.
02:10:43.000 How could you not?
02:10:45.000 I won't release that special.
02:10:47.000 But it's so much funnier.
02:10:49.000 Again, the opposite is...
02:10:52.000 Well, the people, you know, the cliche with Joey, and there's other people I could name that I can't think of, where he could read a phone book and it would be funny.
02:11:05.000 Right.
02:11:05.000 If you and I read a phone book, at best you'd memorize the phone numbers.
02:11:09.000 Yeah, it wouldn't be that funny.
02:11:10.000 We're writers.
02:11:11.000 I won't put you in this.
02:11:13.000 I'm a writer that makes it sound like it's off the top of my head.
02:11:18.000 Yeah.
02:11:18.000 I mean, I think we all are in a way.
02:11:21.000 Every comic, I mean, when you're saying you're a writer imitating a writer, but you know when Hunter S. Thompson used to write, one of the things he did when he was younger, he'd write The Great Gatsby over and over and over again.
02:11:33.000 He'd just write it out, word for word, just to get an understanding of the beats and the way, you know, F. Scott Fitzgerald, right?
02:11:40.000 Who wrote that?
02:11:42.000 The way he would write out the prose, and that's how he learned how to do it.
02:11:46.000 And we all learn how to do comedy by watching other comedians.
02:11:49.000 And you learn how to write by reading other writers.
02:11:51.000 I purposely tried to not sound like Dice Clay when I started Open Mics.
02:11:55.000 And that's why I think I had that weird affectation. 0.99
02:11:59.000 Don't fucking put it up, Jamie. 0.94
02:12:01.000 But there's me six months into comedy that's on YouTube. 0.99
02:12:06.000 And I'm like...
02:12:07.000 Even my first evening at the improv, which is like a year into comedy, when they had a fallout.
02:12:13.000 I'm like... 0.99
02:12:14.000 I talk fucking weird. 0.99
02:12:16.000 You're talking some weird affectation? 1.00
02:12:17.000 I have no idea what I... But I remember I don't want to sound like Dice Clay because he's the reason I got into comedy.
02:12:24.000 Right.
02:12:25.000 Is it weird when you hang out with that guy?
02:12:27.000 Is it weird you out still?
02:12:29.000 Oh, Dice Clay?
02:12:30.000 No, I've only met him like two times.
02:12:32.000 Oh, really?
02:12:33.000 You've never hung out with him at the store? 1.00
02:12:34.000 Fuck no! 1.00
02:12:35.000 Oh, no. 1.00
02:12:36.000 I'd love to have you hang out with him.
02:12:37.000 One time he followed me at the store in the OR when I just got past, and he went, nice try!
02:12:45.000 Like, I was trying to be him.
02:12:47.000 And that's long after I was out of my, like, don't be Dice Clay phase, and it... 0.98
02:12:52.000 And the second time was on Opie and Anthony, where he came in and fucking... 0.98
02:12:58.000 Like, no one in my career has had that presence of a Kinison or Dice, where he just came in and took over the fucking room. 0.99
02:13:06.000 Like, literally... 0.97
02:13:07.000 And they're like, uh, Dice is gonna smoke. 0.98
02:13:10.000 He walked in and lit up a cigarette long after it's completely illegal to smoke anywhere in the fucking world except in a field. 0.98
02:13:17.000 And they're like, uh, Dice is gonna smoke. 0.99
02:13:20.000 We're gonna get in trouble. 1.00
02:13:22.000 And he's like, fucking you! 1.00
02:13:24.000 You're funny! 1.00
02:13:25.000 I saw you're special!
02:13:26.000 And then I started to tell him about how he was the influence.
02:13:30.000 He goes, I already told you you're funny!
02:13:32.000 You can stop talking now! 1.00
02:13:35.000 Like just this, like that old fucking late 80s vibe of fuck everything! 1.00
02:13:41.000 I'm gonna come in here, kinnison, coked up on Stern. 0.99
02:13:45.000 Like no one has that ever since.
02:13:50.000 No.
02:13:50.000 No, he was a different thing.
02:13:52.000 Well, rocking...
02:13:54.000 He's a fun guy to hang around with, too.
02:13:57.000 Like, Dice is a fun guy to be around.
02:13:58.000 Like, when you're hanging around with him at the store.
02:14:01.000 He's very friendly to comics.
02:14:03.000 When I was an open-miker in Vegas...
02:14:07.000 He came and he's playing some show and we're drunk after an open mic and we go, oh, Dice is at this whatever casino.
02:14:15.000 And we went in and he was in a lounge area, VIP, with his bodyguards.
02:14:21.000 And I go, oh, I'm going to give one of these, my jokes to Andrew Dice Clay.
02:14:26.000 And I walked up and I'm like, oh, I just want to give him one of my jokes.
02:14:31.000 Just like crazy person out front of your place or crazy guy that comes to my house. 1.00
02:14:37.000 And they're like, get the fuck out of here. 1.00
02:14:39.000 And I'm like, fuck Dice Clay. 1.00
02:14:40.000 This was a great joke. 1.00
02:14:42.000 Wow.
02:14:43.000 It's important. 0.99
02:14:45.000 When you know the douchebag that you used to be, you have empathy for the douchebag that's now trying to email me a joke. 0.98
02:14:57.000 I listened to Dice Clay with a girlfriend of mine when we were 19, sitting in my car, laughed my ass off. 0.98
02:15:02.000 I'll never forget it. 0.99
02:15:03.000 My ass off. 0.98
02:15:04.000 I'm with a girl, I'm laughing my ass off. 0.99
02:15:07.000 Well, she was laughing too. 0.82
02:15:08.000 We were laughing our asses off, I should say.
02:15:11.000 She thought it was hilarious too.
02:15:13.000 It was just...
02:15:15.000 It's always weird when you know someone like that and then all of a sudden you're hanging around with them.
02:15:18.000 That was one of the things the store was very strange for me from the very beginning.
02:15:23.000 One of the first times I was ever there, I saw Damon Wayans on stage.
02:15:27.000 I was like, Jesus, that's really Damon Wayans.
02:15:32.000 I'm still like that.
02:15:36.000 Where I'm still starstruck by people.
02:15:43.000 That I have to explain who it is, which is what my fan base has to do.
02:15:48.000 Like, hey, people are never going to believe.
02:15:51.000 Like, I'll drunk dial a fan that emailed me randomly.
02:15:54.000 I had a guy...
02:15:56.000 He just sent me, like, I'm so, so, and I think you're great.
02:16:00.000 But he included his phone number, and I was in the mood.
02:16:03.000 So I drunk-dialed him. 1.00
02:16:05.000 He goes, holy shit! 0.99
02:16:07.000 He's somewhere in Arkansas going into a Lowe's. 0.99
02:16:10.000 He's like, no one's ever going to believe that you called me.
02:16:12.000 I go, well, no one's going to know who I am.
02:16:16.000 And he told me he was just walking into a Lowe's and I bet him some, you know, small bet.
02:16:22.000 Like, okay, I'll send you this.
02:16:24.000 If you can find one person in that Lowe's who knows who I am, no one's ever going to believe me because they're not going to know who I am.
02:16:32.000 And I made him walk around a Lowe's talking to anyone that would listen.
02:16:37.000 Do you know who Doug Stanhope is?
02:16:39.000 No, no.
02:16:40.000 I'm failing here.
02:16:41.000 Hang on.
02:16:42.000 There's not a lot of people in here.
02:16:45.000 Yeah, I love my level of fame.
02:16:48.000 Does that guy call you now all the time?
02:16:50.000 No, he did send me...
02:16:51.000 I think I bet him...
02:16:53.000 I have a copy of Mad Magazine or something I can send you.
02:16:57.000 I'm like, okay, and I'll send you an autographed thing if you win.
02:17:03.000 That's cool.
02:17:04.000 But yeah, I kind of like that level of fame.
02:17:06.000 Fun for him. 0.94
02:17:07.000 It's pretty fucking cool for him. 0.81
02:17:09.000 Yeah. 0.96
02:17:09.000 You know? 0.96
02:17:10.000 Except you have no one to share it with.
02:17:12.000 Like dreams.
02:17:12.000 That's perfect.
02:17:13.000 But that's perfect.
02:17:14.000 Yeah.
02:17:14.000 He's got a memory.
02:17:15.000 It's better than dreams.
02:17:16.000 Because dreams' memories are weird.
02:17:18.000 You know, you wake up from a dream and it's like...
02:17:20.000 It's slippery.
02:17:22.000 You can't really get a hold of it.
02:17:23.000 You know?
02:17:24.000 It's there and it's gone.
02:17:25.000 It's like...
02:17:26.000 But I'm saying you can't share that experience.
02:17:29.000 Yeah.
02:17:29.000 His experience of getting a phone call from Doug Stanhope.
02:17:32.000 I had a joke where I said, well, it's not a joke, it's the truth.
02:17:37.000 I'm only famous within a hundred feet of my gig for a half hour before and after the gig.
02:17:46.000 Other than that, nobody knows who I am.
02:17:49.000 But I just realized on the drive out here, I also, my job is being famous.
02:17:56.000 So for that hour...
02:17:59.000 On stage and half an hour before and after, I do live in a world of a famous person.
02:18:05.000 So if someone says to me, you're famous?
02:18:08.000 I've never heard of you.
02:18:09.000 I go, well, I don't work for you.
02:18:12.000 I work for my audience, and to my audience, I'm famous.
02:18:15.000 So I do live the same experience.
02:18:18.000 My off time is way easier.
02:18:21.000 Yeah, makes sense.
02:18:22.000 Like a teacher, I have summers off.
02:18:23.000 Jamie, pull up that thing that I was asking about the technology that they're going to use to record dreams.
02:18:30.000 Because this is something that they're actively working to try to...
02:18:37.000 Make a reality.
02:18:38.000 As you pull that up, I'm trying to find my other can of this.
02:18:43.000 Spindrift.
02:18:44.000 Are you advertising more booze?
02:18:46.000 I'm advertising a million things that have nothing to do with me, just things I enjoy.
02:18:51.000 Okay.
02:18:52.000 Safeway Cola.
02:18:54.000 I just enjoy Safeway.
02:18:55.000 Safeway was the hardest thing during COVID because I live in a small town where the only corporate thing there other than Burger King, which is the worst fast food ever, and I hate them.
02:19:08.000 Is Safeway.
02:19:09.000 And I know everybody at Safeway. 0.99
02:19:11.000 And the only people I missed during the first six months that I did not go out was Susie and Anna and fucking Ricky. 0.95
02:19:21.000 All my people at Safeway. 0.95
02:19:23.000 The workers there. 0.98
02:19:24.000 I fucking put them in the liner notes to, I think, the special. 0.98
02:19:28.000 Do you know that you're the producer on my latest special? 0.99
02:19:31.000 I didn't know.
02:19:32.000 Thank you.
02:19:33.000 I just wanted to be a producer.
02:19:35.000 Yeah, it's a text message that I go, hey, listen, we recorded it in 2019. It didn't come out until a year later.
02:19:44.000 And I said, listen, can I put you on as a producer so maybe we get some fucking Netflix leverage on this? 0.93
02:19:51.000 Oh, yeah, that's right. 1.00
02:19:52.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00
02:19:53.000 Yeah, I remember that. 1.00
02:19:54.000 Yeah, I don't care.
02:19:54.000 What are you showing me, Jamie?
02:19:56.000 What's this video?
02:19:56.000 I was hoping the video was going to be better and show something.
02:19:59.000 It's the device you just asked me.
02:20:01.000 Oh, so it's a legit functional device?
02:20:03.000 Sort of.
02:20:04.000 Dormio interfacing with dreams.
02:20:06.000 Make that a little larger so I can read it.
02:20:08.000 No, that thing about...
02:20:09.000 Yeah.
02:20:10.000 Sleep is a forgotten country of the mind.
02:20:13.000 A vast majority of our technologies are built for...
02:20:16.000 The waking state, even though a third of our conscious lives, a third of our lives are asleep, current technological interfaces miss an opportunity to access the unique, imaginative, elastic cognition ongoing during dreams and semi-lucid states.
02:20:33.000 In turn, what is this saying, though?
02:20:35.000 That's exactly...
02:20:37.000 This is a little better explanation in this article about this.
02:20:40.000 Go to the top, please, so I can read the title.
02:20:42.000 The title.
02:20:44.000 Yeah.
02:20:45.000 MIT researchers develop a way to record and even alter dreams.
02:20:48.000 Yeah.
02:20:49.000 That was what I was talking about.
02:20:51.000 TDI. There's so much of this stuff that if there was a...
02:20:56.000 Whoa, look at this, though.
02:20:57.000 Targeted dream incubation.
02:21:01.000 They can alter your dreams.
02:21:04.000 They can guide the dreams towards particular themes.
02:21:08.000 TDI is a protocol that we utilized within an app on the wearable sleep tracking device, Donamo, to record the wearer's dreams.
02:21:18.000 Additionally, it's also possible to guide the dreams towards certain ideas when the wearer is in the process of going to sleep by targeting them with information.
02:21:28.000 Around the idea repeatedly.
02:21:29.000 Oh, so they put like a panda bear in your head over and over and over again.
02:21:33.000 I've heard of people being able to practice things like this, and it sounded so BS to me.
02:21:40.000 I was like, okay, they can learn guitar while they're sleeping.
02:21:42.000 Look up, I'm gonna guess 1978. What year did the Shah of Iran die?
02:21:50.000 Because I remember I would sleep with AM radio on, hoping to hear Air Supply, because I was in love with a girl, and I woke up, and my dad said, oh, the Shah of Iran died, and I go, that's so fucked up! 0.95
02:22:05.000 I had a dream about it, and then realized later, I had slept with AM radio on, so I heard it on the news. 0.92
02:22:13.000 79. Boom!
02:22:15.000 Look at that.
02:22:16.000 Soon thereafter, the Iranian monarchy was formally abolished.
02:22:19.000 I didn't have a dream about that.
02:22:21.000 Well, radio can only be so detailed.
02:22:25.000 Well, I also got over that girl, and I stopped roller skating.
02:22:29.000 Did you think of yourself as John Cusack standing outside of her window holding up the boombox?
02:22:33.000 Remember that scene?
02:22:33.000 I wish I had a...
02:22:36.000 I did, you know, when we were late 90s, there was a million or middle 90s.
02:22:41.000 I did a bit about that when stalker was first coined a term.
02:22:46.000 And I'm like, yeah, but if John Cusack holding the boombox, that's a stalker, but he's cute.
02:22:55.000 So it's romantic.
02:22:56.000 Well, it also comes into play again.
02:22:59.000 Everything.
02:22:59.000 All the bits that you do about priests molesting kids and they think it's a new thing every time it's popular in the news.
02:23:07.000 No, that was going on in the early 90s when I started comedy.
02:23:12.000 I remember Becker's bit about an open mic going, yeah, what we have here is failure to excommunicate.
02:23:19.000 And then all of a sudden priest molestation is a new thing in the 2000s.
02:23:24.000 And then it's a new thing again.
02:23:26.000 Stalker was a thing.
02:23:28.000 Pre-small station, no, it's always been a thing.
02:23:31.000 Everybody knew about it in the 50s and 60s.
02:23:33.000 But it's not always in the news.
02:23:35.000 When did it start being in the news?
02:23:37.000 I mean, there's been a ton of documentaries and news stories.
02:23:40.000 And then the one big one was when the Pope turned out he used to be a bishop that was letting go these guys after they got caught molesting kids.
02:23:50.000 And one of them went on to molest 100 deaf kids.
02:23:55.000 They did a documentary on it. 1.00
02:23:57.000 It's dark shit, man. 1.00
02:23:59.000 He was involved with a lot of the moving around of those pedophile priests. 1.00
02:24:04.000 And that's one of the reasons why there was one point where they said he couldn't leave the Vatican because there were certain parts of the world that wanted to try him with crimes against humanity.
02:24:14.000 So he had to stay there.
02:24:15.000 Like, those guys are, like...
02:24:17.000 But when you hear a comic that's a new comic doing bits like, this is just...
02:24:23.000 Oh, like they think it's breaking new ground?
02:24:26.000 Yeah, but it's not.
02:24:27.000 Do they, though?
02:24:28.000 I don't know.
02:24:28.000 In this day and age?
02:24:29.000 I think it's something to talk about.
02:24:30.000 Well, in this day and age, I didn't start in this day and age.
02:24:34.000 There was whatever's in a newspaper, like a physical newspaper.
02:24:38.000 There was not Twitter or what's trending.
02:24:41.000 Now, everything's in the news for about 48 hours at best.
02:24:46.000 Yeah, and then it flies away.
02:24:47.000 Which is kind of good.
02:24:48.000 It's kind of good, but it's kind of fascinating to watch just the glut of information being poured down our throats.
02:24:54.000 It's just happening at a pace.
02:24:56.000 You can't keep up with everything.
02:24:57.000 There's just too much going on.
02:24:59.000 When they say that there's more data being created...
02:25:02.000 There's some crazy statistic.
02:25:03.000 More data being created in a day in 2021 than...
02:25:08.000 The last thousand years.
02:25:10.000 What is the statistic?
02:25:12.000 It's something really nutty.
02:25:13.000 I know I butchered it.
02:25:14.000 The one that pops up today.
02:25:16.000 In the last two years alone, the astonishing 90% of the world's data has been created.
02:25:22.000 That's insane.
02:25:23.000 2.5 quintillion bytes of data are produced by humans every day.
02:25:28.000 That is insane.
02:25:29.000 And it keeps accelerating.
02:25:31.000 It's like there's no way you can keep track of all of it.
02:25:34.000 Which is good.
02:25:36.000 Yeah, you can't in our day when there was like three sitcoms Yeah, you could make a joke about Alice.
02:25:46.000 Lorena Bobbitt.
02:25:47.000 Oh, yes.
02:25:48.000 Remember that one?
02:25:49.000 Yep.
02:25:49.000 Yeah, there was Monica Lewinsky jokes.
02:25:52.000 Lorena Bobbitt happened at the same time as... 1.00
02:25:56.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:25:57.000 Because me and Becker were on meth. 1.00
02:25:59.000 And we went out in Scottsdale.
02:26:02.000 Hey, try this, Zha Zhang.
02:26:05.000 Rejection proof.
02:26:06.000 Do some meth and go out in a median in Scottsdale. 1.00
02:26:10.000 Need money to have penis reattached. 1.00
02:26:15.000 And cops finally shoot us off. 1.00
02:26:17.000 What was the other one at the same time?
02:26:19.000 The two biggest hackneyed premises.
02:26:23.000 Anyway. 0.93
02:26:23.000 Remember he did porn? 0.93
02:26:25.000 He had his dick reattached and did porn? 1.00
02:26:26.000 Yeah, Frankenpenis or something it was called. 1.00
02:26:29.000 She threw it on the side of the road and the cops found it.
02:26:31.000 Ouch. 0.99
02:26:33.000 At this point, it would be like the fucking COVID vaccine where I go, I didn't even feel it happen. 1.00
02:26:39.000 You know, they give guys new dicks now. 1.00
02:26:41.000 Guys who have their dicks blown off or something's happened to their dick. 1.00
02:26:46.000 They've got an infection. 1.00
02:26:48.000 If I could get a new dick, I would make it something freak show-ish, like a two-headed penis with a little baby head coming off. 1.00
02:26:57.000 So I could just sell pictures. 1.00
02:26:59.000 You'd have to get a transplant. 1.00
02:27:01.000 Like, you'd have to find a two-headed dick to get a two-headed dick. 1.00
02:27:03.000 I'd take a Cerequah and sleep through the whole thing and have lucid dreams about it. 0.99
02:27:10.000 I have an answer for everything after a certain amount of cocktails.
02:27:13.000 I get it.
02:27:14.000 I get it. 0.99
02:27:15.000 But they can't give guys dicks now, which is crazy. 0.98
02:27:18.000 You know what they can't do? 0.99
02:27:19.000 They can't give you balls. 0.99
02:27:20.000 Because it's unethical. 1.00
02:27:21.000 Because if a guy died, you can't have his testicles. 1.00
02:27:24.000 Because his testicles will be shooting out his sperm. 1.00
02:27:26.000 Even if it's yours. 1.00
02:27:28.000 Even if it's in your body.
02:27:29.000 So you'd be making his babies. 1.00
02:27:31.000 Which is wild.
02:27:32.000 Right? 1.00
02:27:33.000 Like, so if someone got a hold of your balls, if you died, and you donated your balls to science, and some guy needed a new pair of balls, if he got your balls, he would be shooting your loads for the rest of his life. 0.99
02:27:43.000 So he'd be making Doug Stanhope babies. 0.99
02:27:45.000 And they'd be like, but Doug Stanhope is dead!
02:27:48.000 Dun, dun, dun! 0.86
02:27:49.000 Meanwhile, your zombie nuts be activated in this guy's body. 0.93
02:27:54.000 Just like if you cut a guy's hand off and then reattach another person, he gets the fingerprints of that dead guy. 0.79
02:28:01.000 You get the loads of the dead guy.
02:28:03.000 It's actually happened three times.
02:28:04.000 They were in cases of twins.
02:28:06.000 Really?
02:28:07.000 All cases were twins. 0.99
02:28:08.000 Yeah, the first two cases, I guess one of the brothers didn't have testicles. 0.99
02:28:12.000 Wow. 0.99
02:28:13.000 And then another one, it looks like one might have died.
02:28:15.000 Well, there's that documentary about the...
02:28:18.000 Guy that was a fertility doctor, but he used his own sperm, so he's got...
02:28:22.000 Yeah, he's pregnant with like 100 people. 0.93
02:28:25.000 Factoid for you.
02:28:27.000 One of these books I read was The Most Children Recorded by a Single Father.
02:28:34.000 Was it that guy?
02:28:35.000 No, no, no. 1.00
02:28:36.000 This is some fucking pharaoh of fucking turkey before it was called turkey or something. 1.00
02:28:41.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
02:28:42.000 What about Genghis Khan?
02:28:43.000 I don't know who it was, but look it up.
02:28:45.000 I think it's 880 children.
02:28:48.000 Most children.
02:28:50.000 That is crazy. 1.00
02:28:52.000 But that was in the Darwin book about why chicks fuck older guys. 1.00
02:28:58.000 Like, if I ignored all the big words, just like that story he just put up. 0.99
02:29:04.000 Here it is. 0.94
02:29:05.000 Like, if you ignore all the big words, if they talk dumb to you, you... 0.97
02:29:09.000 Look what he said. 0.60
02:29:10.000 Monarch of Morocco had a harem of 500 women and registered 522 boys and 342 girls. 0.72
02:29:19.000 In total, an observation was made that 1,042 children and then eventually after his death, the total rose to 1,171.
02:29:31.000 Wow.
02:29:31.000 And again to 1,248.
02:29:33.000 1,248.
02:29:35.000 I don't know how they figured that out.
02:29:37.000 Maybe they did some DNA testing or something.
02:29:39.000 And what year is this?
02:29:40.000 Uh...
02:29:41.000 That's crazy.
02:29:43.000 That's a lot of people. 1.00
02:29:44.000 That guy liked to fuck. 1.00
02:29:47.000 Am I right, people? 1.00
02:29:48.000 Am I right?
02:29:49.000 But Genghis Khan, his DNA is in some insane amount of people in the area.
02:29:55.000 In the area where he lived.
02:29:57.000 That's why they call them mongoloids. 1.00
02:29:59.000 I'm cancelled!
02:30:02.000 There he is.
02:30:03.000 1672 to 1721. Wow, look at that guy.
02:30:07.000 Out there partying.
02:30:12.000 Wow.
02:30:12.000 1672. Just fucking up a storm.
02:30:14.000 Not paying attention to any of your kids. 1.00
02:30:16.000 You got hundreds of them.
02:30:18.000 A thousand.
02:30:19.000 Twelve hundred kids.
02:30:20.000 You're not paying attention to those kids.
02:30:22.000 Yeah.
02:30:23.000 There's no way.
02:30:24.000 Well, they're homeschooled. 1.00
02:30:25.000 What a fucking animal. 1.00
02:30:27.000 Guy's just shooting loads all over the kingdom. 1.00
02:30:30.000 Well, if every load that you ever blew...
02:30:34.000 Became a baby.
02:30:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:30:36.000 Even the ones he jerked off. 0.98
02:30:37.000 He probably never jerks off. 1.00
02:30:38.000 Why would he jerk off? 1.00
02:30:39.000 Because he has that fucking harem. 1.00
02:30:41.000 He has 500 wives. 1.00
02:30:42.000 Why would he jerk off? 1.00
02:30:44.000 500 wives is so preposterous. 1.00
02:30:47.000 Those poor girls. 1.00
02:30:49.000 I would propose the argument of... 1.00
02:30:52.000 You don't have to fucking talk to them or buy them breakfast. 0.99
02:30:56.000 There's 500 of them, though. 0.99
02:30:58.000 Sometimes you'd rather go, when is it my turn?
02:31:00.000 And you're going to be like, a year and a half. 0.99
02:31:02.000 No fucking way. 1.00
02:31:03.000 I think I became an adult when I'd go, I should just jerk off rather than fuck this girl who thinks I like her. 1.00
02:31:09.000 Because I know I won't like her. 1.00
02:31:11.000 I quote you all the time, the post-cum syndrome.
02:31:14.000 Yes.
02:31:15.000 Where you go, oh, I really did think I liked you until I came.
02:31:19.000 Yeah, I used to do a bit about it.
02:31:20.000 Jerk off first, then think about it.
02:31:22.000 That was my best advice to people. 0.99
02:31:25.000 Jerk off first, then think about it. 1.00
02:31:27.000 Because that is a weird fucking thing with men. 0.99
02:31:29.000 Like, you really think, especially when you're young, like when I was in my early 20s, you think differently. 0.99
02:31:35.000 Like, you think, like, oh, maybe she could be my wife, and then you nut, and you're like, I gotta get out of here.
02:31:40.000 What am I doing? 0.99
02:31:41.000 And it's a fucking horrible feeling. 0.99
02:31:43.000 But it's true. 0.99
02:31:43.000 It's like it's real thinking. 0.99
02:31:45.000 It's not like you're...
02:31:46.000 Like, women, a lot of times, I think, for sure, some guys are deceptive, and most guys can be deceptive if they're trying to get laid.
02:31:54.000 But there's also, you're being deceptive to yourself. 1.00
02:31:56.000 Like, your dick is lying to you. 1.00
02:31:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:31:59.000 Yeah.
02:32:00.000 You wish you could have some kind of way to put that perspective in, like...
02:32:08.000 Listen to what my brain was telling me.
02:32:10.000 Put my brain in your head for a second.
02:32:12.000 You'll understand.
02:32:14.000 Now I feel bad about it.
02:32:16.000 And it's not even a power dynamic. 0.99
02:32:18.000 It's a bullshit dynamic, maybe. 0.96
02:32:22.000 But I really felt that way until I came. 0.98
02:32:26.000 And that is...
02:32:29.000 One thing I gleaned off of Darwinian psychology theory. 0.76
02:32:34.000 Yeah, you're supposed to keep the same mindset before you come as after you come, which is ridiculous.
02:32:40.000 Like you're supposed to look at things the same way after you come as before you come.
02:32:44.000 But it's not ridiculous to people who don't understand that, meaning women.
02:32:51.000 Because they always think the same way.
02:32:53.000 That's not true either.
02:32:54.000 That's not true at all either.
02:32:55.000 They must have an enormous relief. 0.98
02:33:00.000 See, this is my problem with reading a smart fuck book for 16 and a half hours, listening to it. 0.99
02:33:06.000 Now I think I know what the fuck I'm talking about, and I don't! 0.99
02:33:10.000 Yeah, but you're just talking. 0.98
02:33:11.000 But it makes sense.
02:33:12.000 You don't have to know what you're talking about.
02:33:13.000 You're just talking.
02:33:15.000 I know.
02:33:15.000 I was trying to dumb myself down with alcohol.
02:33:19.000 When we were talking earlier about when you start believing your own bullshit, my sense of humor is Brendan Walsh. 0.99
02:33:29.000 It's not the yelling guy on stage that I am. 0.99
02:33:32.000 That's who I became on stage. 0.99
02:33:34.000 What I laugh at is Brendan Walsh in a fucking neck brace doing prank phone calls. 1.00
02:33:40.000 That's what I grew up being. 1.00
02:33:42.000 Then I heard Dice Clay.
02:33:44.000 Then I started doing stage. 1.00
02:33:45.000 I fucking love Brendan Walsh being ridiculous and silly and fart diarrhea. 1.00
02:33:53.000 Fart sounds. 1.00
02:33:54.000 It's one of the best follows on Twitter.
02:33:55.000 Didn't they ban his account?
02:33:56.000 Yeah.
02:33:57.000 What was it for?
02:33:59.000 Because he...
02:34:00.000 Pull it up! 0.91
02:34:02.000 Brennan Walsh, I think it's still his pinned tweet.
02:34:05.000 They abolished his verified account because he...
02:34:10.000 A parody.
02:34:11.000 Yeah, he was pretending to be Donald Trump Jr. Oh, that's what it was.
02:34:16.000 And it was as benign as the Australian artist that Sacha Baron Cohen has a problem with.
02:34:21.000 I remember reading it and being annoyed.
02:34:23.000 He was crestfallen.
02:34:24.000 I love when I get drunk and I find a big word like crestfallen. 1.00
02:34:30.000 He was fucked up over being, you know, cancelled by Twitter over some silly shit. 0.99
02:34:37.000 Brendan Walsh is one of the funniest Twitter people. 0.99
02:34:41.000 He's now at, at Brendan Walsh.
02:34:45.000 At, and then spelled out, at Brendan Walsh.
02:34:47.000 A.T. Brendan Walsh, yeah.
02:34:49.000 So what was it?
02:34:50.000 Me and Eric are putting on a pot of coffee and we're gonna...
02:34:54.000 I'm sorry.
02:34:55.000 We're going to put on a pot of coffee.
02:34:57.000 We're going to figure this out.
02:34:58.000 Tonight, we're in the White House.
02:35:00.000 Sleepy Joe is in a cheap motel where he belongs.
02:35:02.000 And it's a Donald Trump Jr. fake tweet.
02:35:04.000 Well, here's the thing.
02:35:05.000 When you have the verified symbol, you can put anything underneath it, which I used to...
02:35:11.000 Like, if I was fighting with an airline, I could...
02:35:15.000 I changed who I am to Condonast travel writer. 1.00
02:35:23.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99
02:35:24.000 He's got 300,000 followers and he's a travel writer. 1.00
02:35:28.000 But he actually pretended to be Donald Trump Jr. because he was verified.
02:35:33.000 Yeah, but it said Brendan Walsh.
02:35:34.000 I know. 0.99
02:35:35.000 It's so dumb. 0.99
02:35:36.000 It's funny. 1.00
02:35:37.000 That's funny. 1.00
02:35:38.000 It's so stupid. 1.00
02:35:41.000 There's so many people that have to fucking speak up In whatever the culture is, there's a million different cultures that have all been boiled down into left wing or right wing, but when you fucking talk to people off the record that are in whatever groups... 1.00
02:36:01.000 They go, this is so fucked up. 1.00
02:36:03.000 I live in Hollywood. 1.00
02:36:04.000 I'm a writer.
02:36:05.000 I'm a whatever.
02:36:07.000 And they don't speak for me, but I can't. 1.00
02:36:10.000 Like, fucking white males can't save you now. 0.99
02:36:14.000 Like, yeah, you have to speak up and go, hey, that fucking person doesn't speak for me, but they're all worried. 1.00
02:36:21.000 Well, they're worried about losing their jobs. 0.98
02:36:22.000 Exactly.
02:36:23.000 But we're just losing our sense of humor.
02:36:25.000 It's just, that's...
02:36:28.000 The idea that they would just pull that down and pretend that he's being an imposter.
02:36:34.000 No, he's being funny.
02:36:35.000 You've got to have room for parody, folks.
02:36:37.000 This is the internet.
02:36:38.000 You're going to ruin Twitter?
02:36:39.000 It's already ruined.
02:36:40.000 You're going to ruin it even further and further?
02:36:41.000 You have to have room for fun.
02:36:43.000 What we do is they shut down a loophole, we open up a new one. 0.99
02:36:49.000 That's how the fucking cycle goes. 0.98
02:36:51.000 Okay, you can't do that. 0.99
02:36:53.000 Well, you can't do that on Twitter anymore.
02:36:55.000 Then you go...
02:36:55.000 And you don't go parlor.
02:36:58.000 That's the problem with any one of those things, right?
02:37:00.000 Whenever they have a new one of those things, it always becomes like a right-wing haven.
02:37:04.000 Because by getting people...
02:37:06.000 It's really kind of brilliant in a way.
02:37:08.000 Because by getting people to...
02:37:13.000 Since there's this heavy left-wing bias on Twitter, when people abandon Twitter or they get kicked off of Twitter, they're almost always right-wing.
02:37:21.000 And when they go to these places that say, we don't have any censorship, well, what's the big censorship on Twitter?
02:37:27.000 The big censorship is in saying offensive things.
02:37:30.000 Saying things that have been deemed culturally inappropriate. 0.98
02:37:33.000 So that's, of course, especially if you're some fucking 16-year-old kid, you don't care about the future of this app. 1.00
02:37:39.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00
02:37:40.000 You want to say all the shit you know you can't say on Twitter, but you can say at blah, blah, blah, whatever the new app is. 1.00
02:37:46.000 So they go over there and they ruin it. 0.98
02:37:47.000 And so you have the main town square, which is Twitter.
02:37:52.000 And every new one that pops up sort of...
02:37:55.000 Miserably fails.
02:37:56.000 Because they become so right-wing.
02:37:59.000 Like, it's all the people that are using it are right-wing people.
02:38:01.000 And this is only a few of them that I've looked into, but a couple of them, I mean, maybe there's some new ones I'm not aware of.
02:38:07.000 Jamie, are there any new ones?
02:38:08.000 New social media apps that are on the up-and-up, on the rise?
02:38:12.000 But isn't it the same thing, am I correct, that they become like super right-wing?
02:38:19.000 I don't know.
02:38:19.000 Wasn't that the thing with Parler that they were saying that that's how a lot of those QAnon guys were communicating?
02:38:25.000 Probably why I made the news.
02:38:25.000 I'm straining to find a better example that's not social media.
02:38:30.000 But whatever, a law passes, you can't do this anymore.
02:38:35.000 Okay, but you can't smoke in bars anymore.
02:38:38.000 But we could have outdoor smoking.
02:38:41.000 Okay.
02:38:41.000 And then they go, no outdoor smoking.
02:38:43.000 So then you have a cigar bar can have...
02:39:04.000 They're not applicable.
02:39:05.000 It's way different than a law or anything else that creates a loophole.
02:39:09.000 But I'm saying we always, as human beings, find a way to usurp a law, whatever it is.
02:39:15.000 If it's Twitter law, government law, you find a loophole, then they find a way to shut it down, then you open up another... 0.97
02:39:25.000 Throughout history, you find a way to fuck the system. 1.00
02:39:28.000 And then the system fucks you. 1.00
02:39:30.000 It could take decades to get out of this Twitter power... 0.89
02:39:33.000 You could say the same thing about, like, why does the Chinese government have control of all their one billion people?
02:39:40.000 Well, eventually they won't.
02:39:41.000 Okay, well, how long is that going to take?
02:39:43.000 A hundred years? 0.99
02:39:44.000 And they'll elect a new government that fucks them. 1.00
02:39:46.000 But this is the problem with this thing that Twitter is. 0.99
02:39:51.000 Because we look at...
02:39:53.000 And it's not all a problem.
02:39:54.000 But we look at social media apps like a thing that you use.
02:39:58.000 It's just a thing you use.
02:39:59.000 You don't have to use it.
02:40:00.000 It's a private company.
02:40:01.000 They can do whatever they want.
02:40:02.000 But it's way bigger than that.
02:40:04.000 It's something that can influence billions of people.
02:40:10.000 It's a way of distributing ideas that's never existed before.
02:40:13.000 And if it gets controlled in terms of like there's people like that.
02:40:18.000 They're kicking off Brendan Walsh for pretending that he's Donald Trump.
02:40:21.000 I mean, come on.
02:40:22.000 Junior.
02:40:22.000 Whatever.
02:40:23.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:40:25.000 You gotta have parody.
02:40:26.000 You gotta have fun.
02:40:27.000 You can't have it so locked down and rigid.
02:40:30.000 It's just... 0.92
02:40:30.000 But we have to understand that we're fucking old, and the kids will figure out a way... 0.92
02:40:38.000 Maybe. 1.00
02:40:39.000 To fuck the system. 1.00
02:40:40.000 Maybe. 1.00
02:40:40.000 And then the system will fuck them back. 1.00
02:40:42.000 The system always fucks the people and the people find a way to find a loophole. 0.99
02:40:48.000 Maybe.
02:40:49.000 Maybe.
02:40:50.000 But this is a different thing.
02:40:51.000 We've never experienced this kind of a thing before.
02:40:54.000 This thing is so much more powerful than any other new thing that's ever existed in terms of the ability to get out ideas and how much it can change culture.
02:41:02.000 I mean, maybe kids will figure out a way around it, or maybe it'll warp people to the point where they're willing to accept some sort of totalitarian regime as long as they think it's ethical and moral.
02:41:14.000 Which they've always done.
02:41:14.000 Yeah, as long as they think it's like the ethical and moral thing to do, like it's a great ethical, moral, totalitarian regime, and they'll hop on board, and then you're going to be cool with, you know, 2020s McCarthyism.
02:41:27.000 It's like, it's going to be very similar. 1.00
02:41:29.000 And then 2030s will go, fuck this, and they'll figure out another way to fuck them, and then the system will fuck them again. 1.00
02:41:37.000 Maybe. 1.00
02:41:38.000 Maybe.
02:41:38.000 Maybe they'll stay controlled just like the Chinese government.
02:41:40.000 This is the thing.
02:41:42.000 It's like once something has control...
02:41:43.000 People are really terrified about Facebook.
02:41:45.000 They're really terrified about Twitter.
02:41:47.000 They're terrified about YouTube.
02:41:49.000 The amount of control that these companies have, they're not egregiously abusing it like they possibly could.
02:41:55.000 If one of them really went heavy off the rails, there's a lot of power that these people have.
02:42:01.000 It's so much money.
02:42:03.000 That's why that...
02:42:04.000 Have you watched that Social Dilemma, that documentary? 0.96
02:42:07.000 And it fucking terrified me twice. 0.99
02:42:10.000 Scares the shit out of you. 0.99
02:42:11.000 And then the Bill Hicks bit. 0.96
02:42:12.000 I look out my window.
02:42:14.000 Cricket.
02:42:15.000 Cricket. 1.00
02:42:15.000 Where's all this shit happening? 1.00
02:42:17.000 Yeah, I remember that. 0.99
02:42:18.000 Do you want to know my neighbors' names? 0.99
02:42:20.000 I'll start with fucking... 1.00
02:42:22.000 Well, Morgan Murphy rents at the end. 0.99
02:42:25.000 I'm sure you know your neighbors.
02:42:26.000 I get what you're saying.
02:42:27.000 The point is...
02:42:27.000 You're close to your real world.
02:42:28.000 I know their fucking pets' names. 1.00
02:42:31.000 They're welcome at my house. 1.00
02:42:32.000 That's great, but it's still...
02:42:34.000 You're not going to get away from the impact of this stuff.
02:42:36.000 So if I tell people, listen, if you just stop procreating to a point where you actually know the people that you're talking to and...
02:42:46.000 Humanity isn't just this vast load of nameless people.
02:42:50.000 Well, they're not going to do that. 1.00
02:42:52.000 They're going to keep fucking. 1.00
02:42:53.000 They're going to keep making more people. 0.99
02:42:56.000 Every social dilemma argument that me and Chad Shank have while we're drinking always ends up with overpopulation.
02:43:07.000 Too many people.
02:43:08.000 That's definitely part of the problem.
02:43:09.000 But it's not just the problem.
02:43:11.000 Even if you have less people, they're still communicating the same way.
02:43:14.000 And they're still branching off into these echo chambers.
02:43:18.000 And we're more divided than we've ever been before.
02:43:22.000 And here's the problem with that whole population argument.
02:43:26.000 I like people. 0.99
02:43:28.000 Like, if you stop fucking and then there's no people, then we go away. 1.00
02:43:31.000 And then there's no more people. 1.00
02:43:32.000 Like, I like them.
02:43:33.000 I like having them around.
02:43:35.000 I think the only way you have them is if you make more of them.
02:43:38.000 But I think the only way you appreciate them if they're in...
02:43:43.000 You have less of them.
02:43:44.000 Yeah.
02:43:44.000 That's the problem with LA in New York, right?
02:43:46.000 There's a...
02:43:47.000 You don't feel connected to a billion people.
02:43:50.000 There's too many of them.
02:43:52.000 There's a burden. 0.99
02:43:53.000 A fucking million-year-old bit of mine... 1.00
02:43:58.000 You love a kitten, but if you came home and there was 8,000 kittens in your fucking one-bedroom apartment, you'd put on golf shoes and stomp them to death. 1.00
02:44:08.000 Because scarcity is... 0.99
02:44:12.000 Yeah, the numbers that we live in, whether it's...
02:44:14.000 I mean, that's one of the things that I noticed immediately upon moving to Austin.
02:44:17.000 It's like it's more relaxed here.
02:44:19.000 There's less humans. 0.99
02:44:20.000 Like, it's not good to be in that kind of fucking high RPM buzzing of LA. I love your love of Austin, but I almost moved here from Bisbee when I first moved to Bisbee, and I had a fucking issue there, 0.98
02:44:37.000 and I go, fuck it, I'll move to Austin. 0.98
02:44:39.000 I'm like, Austin, the traffic here, which is my number one consideration, along with weather of where to live, Like, the traffic here is so fucking awful. 0.99
02:44:50.000 No, it's not.
02:44:51.000 It's nothing.
02:44:52.000 It's a joke.
02:44:52.000 It takes you an extra 10 minutes to get places.
02:44:54.000 It took me 15 minutes in a Walmart parking lot to get out of it when I took a wrong right turn to try to get some food yesterday.
02:45:02.000 Oh, just go up Ben Adams.
02:45:04.000 Jamie, back me up on this. 0.99
02:45:06.000 This traffic is bullshit, right? 0.99
02:45:07.000 It's a joke. 1.00
02:45:08.000 It's not that the roads are...
02:45:09.000 You mentioned that the other day.
02:45:10.000 The roads are terrible. 1.00
02:45:11.000 The roads are stupid. 1.00
02:45:11.000 They fucking made a bad idea. 1.00
02:45:12.000 Yeah, whoever the civil engineer is that started the city, they did it for horses. 1.00
02:45:16.000 Oh, wait.
02:45:17.000 You're on my side.
02:45:18.000 Well, in terms of the way it's engineered, it's terrible. 1.00
02:45:20.000 Yeah, it's fucked up. 0.97
02:45:21.000 Yeah, but the amount of traffic is a joke. 0.99
02:45:23.000 It's not a crisp, clean grid that's easy to follow. 0.99
02:45:27.000 The amount of fucking people trying to leave a Walmart taking a right turn on Ben Adams on a fucking one-way frontage road. 0.99
02:45:36.000 I get it. 1.00
02:45:36.000 You're used to Bisbee. 1.00
02:45:38.000 Yeah, I know.
02:45:38.000 Bisbee is way, way sleepier.
02:45:41.000 It's my first forage out of my bed in a year.
02:45:45.000 I knew I was going to...
02:45:47.000 That's good.
02:45:47.000 Stay there, then.
02:45:49.000 You've got a good spot, as long as you don't talk it up too much.
02:45:53.000 No, no.
02:45:53.000 It's a terrible place.
02:45:55.000 It's a horrible place. 0.91
02:45:56.000 That's it.
02:45:56.000 That's what you've got to say about everything.
02:45:58.000 We're going to start saying that about Austin, too.
02:45:59.000 Don't come here.
02:46:01.000 But, of course, people are going to come.
02:46:03.000 It's better.
02:46:03.000 It's better than L.A. I don't understand the L.A. thing anymore, especially now for comics.
02:46:09.000 It doesn't make any sense to me, because it used to be that you wanted to be connected to television, and you wanted to be connected to the movie industry, but Comics today are more connected to podcasts than ever before, which means you could be anywhere. 0.93
02:46:21.000 You could be in fucking Arizona. 0.95
02:46:23.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00
02:46:24.000 Zoom.
02:46:25.000 Nashville.
02:46:25.000 Yeah.
02:46:26.000 Another benefit of COVID. Thank you, 500,000 fucking mostly elderly people that died so I could figure out Zoom. 0.99
02:46:35.000 And I'll tweet. 0.99
02:46:38.000 Hey, if you want to talk, send me a Zoom link and I'll fucking talk to you. 0.95
02:46:43.000 And then I'm talking to someone from wherever. 0.97
02:46:46.000 Just some strange person.
02:46:47.000 Yeah.
02:46:48.000 Fun. 0.99
02:46:49.000 I brought my goddamn reading glasses because I'm so used to Zoom. 0.99
02:46:52.000 I have to... 0.99
02:46:53.000 Yeah, I... I don't like doing podcasts over Zoom, though.
02:46:58.000 They just feel so flat.
02:47:00.000 I mean, they're better than no podcasts at all if you want to talk to someone from the UK or something like that, but it just feels flat.
02:47:07.000 It's like the interaction you have is so limited, you know?
02:47:12.000 Sounds good. 1.00
02:47:12.000 This kind of shit's better. 1.00
02:47:14.000 Well, it's obviously better, but where I live... 1.00
02:47:19.000 Now I'm getting actual, like, I fucking drunk dial fucking Mike from Nickelback. 0.99
02:47:25.000 Mike from Nickelback? 0.99
02:47:26.000 Who's that, the lead guy?
02:47:27.000 Nah, he's the brother, I guess.
02:47:29.000 I don't know.
02:47:30.000 But, like, over a year, like, yeah, I have reached out. 0.97
02:47:34.000 I've fucking rejection-proofed myself. 0.99
02:47:38.000 Fucking Dr. Hook. 0.99
02:47:41.000 Dennis, the lead singer of Dr. Hook, who when we get drunk and we play karaoke in the funhouse, we play Dr. Hook all the time, and he just randomly... 0.99
02:47:52.000 Hey, I'm a big fan.
02:47:54.000 I'm an American rock guy.
02:47:57.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:47:58.000 Wait, you think I don't know who you are?
02:48:00.000 That's funny.
02:48:01.000 I'm just a big fan. 0.98
02:48:02.000 I'm like, are you fucking kidding? 0.97
02:48:04.000 Dr. Hook is a fan of us? 1.00
02:48:05.000 We drunk fucking carol your songs like fucking horrible Christmas carolers. 1.00
02:48:12.000 Sylvia's mother said... 1.00
02:48:17.000 Anyway.
02:48:18.000 Anyway.
02:48:19.000 Let's wrap this up.
02:48:20.000 Yeah.
02:48:21.000 It's four o'clock. 1.00
02:48:22.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
02:48:23.000 Yeah, time flew. 1.00
02:48:25.000 We did, uh, it was like three hours, right?
02:48:28.000 Douglas.
02:48:29.000 Where are you going to do this Comedians, uh, Bulimian Grove thing?
02:48:32.000 It's, uh, well...
02:48:33.000 Can you tell me?
02:48:35.000 Off the air?
02:48:35.000 Yeah, no, it's in Arizona.
02:48:38.000 It's 100 miles away from where I live.
02:48:40.000 Okay.
02:48:41.000 But it's 42 miles from the Tucson airport.
02:48:43.000 Oh! 0.60
02:48:44.000 So it's easy to get in, easy to get out, and I just need $500,000 of seed money.
02:48:50.000 Oh, you need a GoFundMe?
02:48:52.000 Yeah, no, I need you.
02:48:53.000 I need you.
02:48:55.000 Busy.
02:48:55.000 Very busy out here.
02:48:56.000 No, I just need your money.
02:48:59.000 See?
02:49:00.000 We'll talk.
02:49:00.000 No, no, this is Zha Jing.
02:49:01.000 I don't think that's going to be happening. 0.99
02:49:02.000 This is Zha Jing's fucking rejection proof. 0.99
02:49:04.000 He just asked. 0.99
02:49:05.000 And he said...
02:49:07.000 Well, then you're rejection proof, so it doesn't bother you.
02:49:09.000 Yeah, I don't really need to do that.
02:49:11.000 I don't think you need that kind of money to do that.
02:49:15.000 I like to bring an accountant to go over your paperwork.
02:49:19.000 Well, that's why I have Raider to do all the paperwork.
02:49:22.000 Do you think they're going to move there?
02:49:23.000 The comics are going to move to this spot?
02:49:24.000 No.
02:49:24.000 They're just going to visit?
02:49:25.000 No, I'm just going to move my compound.
02:49:27.000 I'll tell you the other part of it. 0.88
02:49:31.000 Why I want to get the fuck out of Bisbee. 0.98
02:49:33.000 Oh, there's another part. 1.00
02:49:34.000 Yeah, it's just one bad, bad man.
02:49:36.000 All right. 1.00
02:49:37.000 He's fucked me over. 1.00
02:49:38.000 I love you, Doug Stano. 1.00
02:49:40.000 I'm sorry you had to have me on.
02:49:43.000 Come on more often.
02:49:44.000 It'd be more comfortable.
02:49:45.000 Thanks for the book, too.
02:49:47.000 Sam Talent.
02:49:47.000 Sam Talent.
02:49:48.000 Running the light.
02:49:49.000 I'm going to check it out.
02:49:50.000 Vodka Juice Box.
02:49:51.000 Oh, Bingo.
02:49:52.000 Sorry.
02:49:53.000 Bingo.
02:49:54.000 Heard you were an anti-masker.
02:49:55.000 I'm not.
02:49:56.000 I know.
02:49:57.000 Well, she sent you a mask.
02:49:58.000 Oh, what's it said?
02:49:58.000 Bingo is...
02:49:59.000 Her and her musician partner have made a band, Vodka Juice Box.
02:50:05.000 All right.
02:50:07.000 And...
02:50:07.000 There you go.
02:50:08.000 We'll get a picture afterwards.
02:50:09.000 It's a good one.
02:50:10.000 Smells good.
02:50:12.000 I've only worn it twice.
02:50:13.000 Bye everybody!
02:50:13.000 Bye!