The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:11.000 We're up.

00:00:12.000 Oh yeah.

00:00:15.000 Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy How long has it been? 0.99

00:00:23.000 It's been months and months.

00:00:24.000 It's been all quarantine.

00:00:26.000 No, no, it's the first quarantine.

00:00:28.000 We did a podcast right when, I think, my special aired.

00:00:31.000 Right, right when it started going down.

00:00:32.000 When we smoked two separate joints because we were scared.

00:00:36.000 Was that like May or something?

00:00:37.000 It was March.

00:00:38.000 March 20th we did a podcast, I think.

00:00:41.000 Now we're ready to make out.

00:00:43.000 Yeah, little did I know I didn't need to do anyone's podcast.

00:00:45.000 Stay at home.

00:00:45.000 Home orders are really good for a special.

00:00:50.000 Special comes out March 17th.

00:00:51.000 Stay-at-home orders kick out March 15th.

00:00:54.000 Perfect.

00:00:54.000 I mean, we're talking.

00:00:56.000 Greatest timing ever. 1.00

00:00:57.000 Fuck a snowstorm, Ralphie Mae. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Right. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Everyone's at home. 1.00

00:01:00.000 Dude, it was insane.

00:01:03.000 And then the cabin came out, and I was like, I was going to hit you up to do your podcast.

00:01:06.000 I was like, you know what?

00:01:07.000 They still got stay-at-home orders.

00:01:08.000 I think we're good.

00:01:09.000 Yeah.

00:01:10.000 Well, one of the weirdest things that happened was podcasts are essential businesses.

00:01:14.000 Yeah.

00:01:15.000 Like, okay.

00:01:16.000 I'll tell you what, it kept me sane.

00:01:18.000 Me and Tom did Two Bears, One Cave.

00:01:21.000 It was the best thing that ever happened to me. 0.94

00:01:22.000 Best thing that ever fucking happened to me.

00:01:24.000 Yeah, because it gives you something to do. 0.91

00:01:25.000 Yeah, and we doubled down.

00:01:26.000 When you weren't doing shows.

00:01:27.000 We started doing one every week, and we were doing two a month.

00:01:31.000 And we just, I mean, it was like complete, and we just forgot about COVID when we got in there.

00:01:36.000 And may I be the one to say that you were the first person to figure out to do drive-through or drive-in movie shows?

00:01:41.000 See, there's a lot of people, other people try to take credit for that, Bert Kreischer.

00:01:44.000 I will listen to that podcast.

00:01:46.000 It's not some different human...

00:01:50.000 And I try to be diplomatic, because I know it was you, and I was like, you know what it's like?

00:01:56.000 It's like when someone has a hand grenade and they pull the pin, and you're like, don't let go of that thing, because that's a live hand grenade.

00:02:03.000 And they're like, no, it's not.

00:02:04.000 I'm like, okay.

00:02:05.000 Can I tell you?

00:02:05.000 Okay.

00:02:06.000 And I told you outside, I got the same Amanda Knox thing Malcolm Gladwell says she has, that guilty disorder. 0.97

00:02:10.000 Yeah.

00:02:12.000 I listened to that and I went, oh my god, I didn't create the drive-in.

00:02:17.000 Eliza did.

00:02:17.000 I didn't create it.

00:02:18.000 You thought that?

00:02:19.000 You panicked?

00:02:20.000 I was like, I stole it from her.

00:02:22.000 I was like, I know I came up with that.

00:02:25.000 March 17th, the day my special aired, I called Nick Nussiforo.

00:02:27.000 I said, yo, get me to drive-in movie theaters.

00:02:29.000 He's like, it's not a thing.

00:02:30.000 And I go, no, we'll make it a thing.

00:02:32.000 I go, they're wide open.

00:02:33.000 No one's using them.

00:02:34.000 Let's get in there.

00:02:35.000 We'll have all the feed going from my audio on a stage right next to the big screen.

00:02:39.000 We'll shoot it.

00:02:40.000 He's like, it's not a thing. 1.00

00:02:41.000 Then he hits me back.

00:02:42.000 He goes, okay, I got an electronic dance producer, EMD music, whatever.

00:02:49.000 They think they can do it.

00:02:50.000 Hotbox.

00:02:50.000 Shout out to Hotbox.

00:02:51.000 Those guys are gangsters. 1.00

00:02:53.000 He's like, the money is shit. 1.00

00:02:55.000 He's like, you got to pay for another tour bus, a thing to drag the stage around, a crew of 12. And he's like, and you gotta rent the vent. 1.00

00:03:03.000 He's like, it's money as shit. 0.98

00:03:05.000 But if you wanna do it, you can do it. 0.99

00:03:06.000 And I was like, let's do it.

00:03:09.000 And they signed me up for like 14. And I was like, hang on, let's do like a couple and see if I, I don't wanna commit to a fucking summer. 0.97

00:03:15.000 So we did the first one in a rock quarry in North Carolina, the most beautiful location. 0.93

00:03:21.000 I did an hour and 35 minutes.

00:03:23.000 In 35 minutes, I did my whole hour.

00:03:25.000 And I was like, time to tell the machine twice. 1.00

00:03:27.000 I was like, fuck it. 1.00

00:03:28.000 And I called him that night on the bus. 1.00

00:03:29.000 I was like, book me in every city.

00:03:31.000 I think we did like 60 cities.

00:03:33.000 Yeah, I remember you telling me about the idea.

00:03:36.000 I knew you came up with it, but there was a moment.

00:03:40.000 It was like a 30-second moment in the podcast while Jamie was looking it up.

00:03:45.000 Me too! 0.96

00:03:46.000 I was like, God damn it, I hope Jamie's good. 0.98

00:03:48.000 I watched it, I was like, I was out there in June. 0.99

00:03:50.000 The best thing was her reaction.

00:03:51.000 Well, that's not safe.

00:03:53.000 The difference between September and what was it?

00:03:56.000 When did you come up with it?

00:03:58.000 Your first was like June, right?

00:03:59.000 June. 0.99

00:04:00.000 And we were out all summer and it was the coolest fucking thing. 0.97

00:04:04.000 And look, I think anyone who was there, we did, I think, 2,000 cars in Philly. 0.98

00:04:08.000 That's wild.

00:04:09.000 I was telling jokes to people a quarter of a mile away.

00:04:13.000 Like a quarter of a mile away.

00:04:14.000 They couldn't even see the stage.

00:04:15.000 They just had screens everywhere.

00:04:17.000 That's crazy.

00:04:17.000 But what was great is you get done the show, you get in the back of a golf cart with a cocktail, Tito's and Soda's, shirt off.

00:04:23.000 I'd stand where the golf bags sit.

00:04:25.000 And I just drive through the line while they wait in traffic and go, thanks for coming.

00:04:28.000 Do my meet and greet that way.

00:04:29.000 And it was the funnest way to spend a pandemic summer in a bubble, on a bus, and people were, like, I think people admit, not the best comedy show they've ever seen in their life.

00:04:40.000 I mean, we did good work, but like...

00:04:42.000 Not the best environment.

00:04:43.000 Not the best environment, but everyone was grateful.

00:04:46.000 They're like, you got us out of the house.

00:04:47.000 You made us feel normal again.

00:04:49.000 Thank you very much.

00:04:50.000 Everyone was grateful.

00:04:51.000 Not one complaint the entire summer.

00:04:54.000 Look at that.

00:04:54.000 Dude, this was in Pittsburgh.

00:04:57.000 That's one of the better locations I've played at.

00:04:59.000 That's so awesome.

00:05:00.000 Butler, Pennsylvania.

00:05:01.000 It was brilliant.

00:05:02.000 It was beautiful.

00:05:03.000 I love that you did it.

00:05:05.000 It was so much fun.

00:05:07.000 No, it was a very innovative thing.

00:05:10.000 Is that what Variety gave you the award for?

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:13.000 Did they give you the award for this?

00:05:15.000 Yeah, pretty much.

00:05:15.000 Yeah, because no one was touring.

00:05:18.000 Right.

00:05:19.000 And you did it.

00:05:20.000 Listen, that's as safe as you can get. 1.00

00:05:22.000 People are in their fucking cars. 1.00

00:05:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:24.000 They're in their cars 10 feet away from each other. 1.00

00:05:27.000 It's genius.

00:05:28.000 Yeah.

00:05:29.000 It's genius.

00:05:30.000 It was an amazing idea, dude.

00:05:32.000 I love it.

00:05:33.000 Thank you.

00:05:33.000 Thank you very much, Joe.

00:05:34.000 I remember telling the idea to Tom when I came up with it, and Tom goes, looks me in the eyes and goes, you don't want to be a guinea pig.

00:05:42.000 Yes, you do.

00:05:43.000 I go, what are you talking about?

00:05:44.000 And he was like, I don't know, man.

00:05:46.000 He was like, we'll keep doing the podcast.

00:05:49.000 Stay here.

00:05:49.000 Don't worry about it.

00:05:51.000 Do you mean a guinea pig for science and medicine or for trying out a new kind of comedy?

00:05:56.000 For trying out a new kind of comedy.

00:05:58.000 He's like, it could fuck up your career.

00:06:00.000 He's like, I already sold out a whole theater tour.

00:06:03.000 And so he's like, you could fuck up your career. 0.99

00:06:05.000 How are you going to fuck up your career? 1.00

00:06:07.000 Because you do it and it's bad and you bomb and then all your fans are like, well that fucking sucked and then you lose a market. 0.99

00:06:13.000 Zoom comedy can fuck up your career. 0.99

00:06:15.000 I didn't do any of that.

00:06:15.000 I watched really great comics do Zoom comedy with no audience and their comedy looked terrible.

00:06:22.000 Like great jokes.

00:06:23.000 I saw a couple of those.

00:06:24.000 That I know is funny.

00:06:26.000 If you saw it in front of a crowd at the improv, it'll be brilliant. 0.66

00:06:29.000 Let me tell you, the award I got for Idy, I love the name of this award, it's called Damn the Torpedoes.

00:06:35.000 Is that, what's cutting out?

00:06:37.000 Is that my mic or your?

00:06:38.000 No, it's not mine.

00:06:39.000 Or my headset?

00:06:40.000 It's your headset.

00:06:41.000 I don't hear anything.

00:06:41.000 It's just, it started cutting out.

00:06:43.000 It's like fucking up. 0.99

00:06:44.000 Jamie, will you find out who said Damn the Torpedoes? 1.00

00:06:47.000 It was Winston Churchill, my favorite fucking alcoholic. 1.00

00:06:52.000 Check, check, check, check. 1.00

00:06:54.000 Here we go.

00:06:54.000 All right, we're back.

00:06:55.000 Winston Churchill said, damn the torpedoes. 0.99

00:06:57.000 Is that it? 1.00

00:06:57.000 Was he an alcoholic? 1.00

00:06:59.000 Let me put my cigar down for a second.

00:07:02.000 He looks like one. 0.80

00:07:04.000 Don't even tell me who said it, because let me just tell you about Winston Churchill.

00:07:07.000 Hey, Jamie, this is a problem.

00:07:08.000 There's something going on here.

00:07:13.000 When he's talking, it's cutting out when I'm talking, too.

00:07:18.000 Pause.

00:07:18.000 We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.

00:07:20.000 Sorry, folks.

00:07:21.000 We had to lose wire.

00:07:21.000 So Winston Churchill.

00:07:23.000 Winston Churchill would wake up every morning with a scotch and a cigar, eggs, bacon, toast, and his paper.

00:07:32.000 Now I'm hungry and I want to read.

00:07:34.000 Jamie, pull up Burt Kreischer Winston Churchill Day.

00:07:37.000 So I find out this and I go, and then he'd go to lunch.

00:07:40.000 He'd have a bottle of champagne at lunch.

00:07:42.000 A whole bottle?

00:07:43.000 A whole bottle.

00:07:44.000 A whole bottle at lunch.

00:07:45.000 How old do you think he was when he died?

00:07:47.000 I think he was like 82, 78. Wow.

00:07:51.000 That's pretty good.

00:07:52.000 So I find this out, and I become obsessed with Winston Churchill.

00:07:56.000 What's his name?

00:07:56.000 Winston Churchill.

00:07:59.000 We're not even drunk yet!

00:08:01.000 So I decide on the day of his death, I'm going to celebrate Winston Churchill Day. 0.76

00:08:05.000 Are you going to do it like he did it? 0.98

00:08:06.000 Joe, my wife sucks at presents. 1.00

00:08:08.000 I mean, sucks at buying presents. 0.99

00:08:10.000 She bought me a generator one year, an iPad. 0.97

00:08:13.000 Yeah, in a pandemic, it wasn't that bad.

00:08:15.000 And she made me a scotch, eggs, Bacon, coffee, water, toast, jam, berries.

00:08:23.000 And Joe, all these little crystal things, the toast holder, she bought that all for Christmas.

00:08:28.000 And she said, we're celebrating Winston Churchill Day with you.

00:08:31.000 That was one of the best days I've ever had in my life.

00:08:33.000 I woke up with a scotch and a cigar and smoked it in my bed.

00:08:37.000 That's pretty nice. 0.98

00:08:37.000 It was fucking out of this world. 0.98

00:08:40.000 And then I won the Damn the Torpedoes line, right? 0.99

00:08:43.000 Is that Winston Churchill?

00:08:44.000 Yeah, it was somebody else. 1.00

00:08:45.000 Motherfucker. 1.00

00:08:47.000 Full speed ahead. 1.00

00:08:48.000 Damn, how great is that? 0.99

00:08:50.000 David Glasgow Farragut. 0.99

00:08:52.000 Hey, I'm Farragut.

00:08:53.000 How do you say that?

00:08:53.000 Farragut?

00:08:54.000 Farragut.

00:08:54.000 Yeah.

00:08:56.000 Also spelled Glasgow.

00:08:59.000 C-O-E or C-O-W? Oh, in the American Civil War.

00:09:04.000 Flag officer. 0.98

00:09:05.000 So damn the torpedoes means, what does it phrase mean? 0.99

00:09:07.000 It means ignore the cautions, right? 0.98

00:09:10.000 Does it? 1.00

00:09:11.000 Damn them. 1.00

00:09:11.000 Like, fuck those torpedoes. 1.00

00:09:12.000 To dismiss the risk of a dangerous action. 1.00

00:09:17.000 And so I got that award because I did that.

00:09:19.000 I looked at Tom and I was like, yeah, I don't mind being a guinea pig. 1.00

00:09:22.000 I was like, fuck it. 1.00

00:09:23.000 If it's fun, I'll do it. 1.00

00:09:25.000 And then halfway through, I put up a video and Tom goes, oh, this is so you.

00:09:29.000 He was like, this might be more you than theaters. 0.99

00:09:31.000 Like, because we'd get there, Dave Williamson would start smoking a fucking... 0.98

00:09:35.000 Remember I hit you up in San Antonio? 0.99

00:09:37.000 I was like, we got an A5 Wagyu brisket.

00:09:40.000 Dave would wake up.

00:09:41.000 We'd get pulling the bus.

00:09:42.000 Dave would put on a brisket.

00:09:44.000 We'd start barbecuing.

00:09:45.000 We'd wake up.

00:09:45.000 Who's Dave?

00:09:46.000 Dave Williamson.

00:09:47.000 Fantastic comic and an amazing barbecue.

00:09:50.000 Really?

00:09:52.000 He's got a podcast called Meet Dave, and he knows more about barbecue.

00:09:56.000 M-E-A-T? M-E-A-T. M-E-A-T. Meet Dave.

00:09:59.000 And he is...

00:10:00.000 I mean, I could not say enough about him.

00:10:02.000 So it's like a barbecue slash comedy podcast?

00:10:04.000 Yeah.

00:10:05.000 That's a genius idea.

00:10:06.000 It's a genius idea, and he's a genius barbecuer.

00:10:09.000 Where does he live?

00:10:09.000 He lives in El Segundo.

00:10:11.000 During the pandemic, what he'd do is he'd go in and he'd get a bunch of ribs.

00:10:14.000 He's a big smoker.

00:10:15.000 Get a bunch of ribs, a bunch of briskets.

00:10:17.000 Send out a mass email to all his neighbors.

00:10:19.000 Go put in your orders.

00:10:19.000 They'll be here.

00:10:20.000 Drop off whatever you want to give me.

00:10:22.000 People would put in a rack of ribs, 20 bucks.

00:10:25.000 Dave would make enough to barbecue for himself, feed the family, make a little beer money.

00:10:29.000 He loves it, and he loves it.

00:10:30.000 He's passionate about it. 0.99

00:10:31.000 No shit. 0.97

00:10:32.000 The way you're passionate about so many different things, but when you find something, you just immerse yourself in it. 0.99

00:10:39.000 Dave was like that with barbecue.

00:10:40.000 He got into it, and now whenever we tour, the top barbecue in the area, this whole summer, would drop off huge trays for us, because they know Dave's into barbecue.

00:10:50.000 Oh, that's amazing.

00:10:52.000 What does he bring to travel to cook with?

00:10:54.000 Well, we have a RecTech Travel Smoker.

00:10:57.000 It's about this big, it fits on our bus, and we burn that thing inside and out.

00:11:02.000 It's a pellet grill?

00:11:03.000 Pellet grill.

00:11:05.000 About this big.

00:11:06.000 We put salmon on it.

00:11:07.000 He'll do a rub on the salmon.

00:11:09.000 He feeds us like kings.

00:11:11.000 Wow.

00:11:12.000 And he's a good comic?

00:11:14.000 He's a fantastic comic. 0.99

00:11:15.000 What a great fucking thing to have. 0.99

00:11:17.000 There's Dave. 1.00

00:11:17.000 There he is. 1.00

00:11:18.000 Look at him.

00:11:18.000 Dave opened with me and Mark.

00:11:19.000 He was with me and Mark Norman in Red Rocks.

00:11:21.000 Look at his shirt.

00:11:23.000 Yeah.

00:11:24.000 What is that thing?

00:11:25.000 Oh, it's a barbecue, one of them chimneys.

00:11:28.000 Oh, so he's doing it traditional style, too.

00:11:30.000 Oh, he does it everywhere.

00:11:32.000 He's got a green egg.

00:11:33.000 So he's just all about the barbecue.

00:11:35.000 He's got his own rub.

00:11:35.000 Oh, he's got his own rubs?

00:11:37.000 Yeah.

00:11:38.000 Jesus Christ, Dave.

00:11:39.000 Go to his Instagram, everyone.

00:11:41.000 It's DaveWComedy, and you can follow him, and he puts barbecue content up all the time.

00:11:46.000 Wow.

00:11:46.000 He's got his own rub, and he is an amazing comic.

00:11:49.000 Nice.

00:11:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:11:51.000 Pretty fucking bad. 0.99

00:11:52.000 Oh, look at that. 1.00

00:11:52.000 He's got his own little fucking thing on his little truck. 1.00

00:11:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:55.000 He's the best, man.

00:11:56.000 He's like the reason.

00:11:58.000 I can tour with him because he's the easiest guy to get along with.

00:12:01.000 He gets a joke.

00:12:02.000 Like one night we were drinking.

00:12:03.000 We were driving down the road and he was in the shower and I just took all my clothes off and got in with him and started yelling, party shower!

00:12:11.000 And he'd coach his water polo.

00:12:12.000 He was like, that was problematic for my kids.

00:12:14.000 Trust me.

00:12:14.000 They follow your Instagram.

00:12:17.000 But yeah, man, that was our summer.

00:12:19.000 We'd barbecue.

00:12:21.000 We'd party.

00:12:21.000 And Tommy's like, this is so you.

00:12:24.000 He did the Rose Bowl with me.

00:12:26.000 We did the Rose Bowl together.

00:12:28.000 Sold it out.

00:12:29.000 Huge venue.

00:12:30.000 Sun sets over the mountains.

00:12:32.000 Wow. 0.98

00:12:32.000 Tom's like, this is fucking awesome. 0.98

00:12:34.000 Did you do any testing at all when you were doing this?

00:12:37.000 So this was like when testing wasn't super available.

00:12:40.000 So we would test in LA and then all get on the bus and then that remained our bubble the entire tour.

00:12:47.000 So we would have zero contact with everyone and then We really stepped it up because the first time we came in and then we all quarantined in the bus for like five days at my new house.

00:12:58.000 Just sat there in a bus. 0.99

00:12:59.000 And then I was like, fuck that. 1.00

00:13:01.000 I was like, you know what? 0.99

00:13:02.000 I'm not making money on this tour.

00:13:03.000 I'm not making a ton of money on this tour.

00:13:04.000 I was like, let's get us a house in Sedona.

00:13:06.000 And let's quarantine in Sedona for five days.

00:13:09.000 That way we know we're clean and then drive into LA. And then we get tested in Salt Lake City or wherever it was there.

00:13:15.000 We get tested and drive in.

00:13:17.000 And it was the best summer, it was the best experience I've ever had, comedy-wise.

00:13:23.000 Until Red Rocks, but but it was like it was just awesome was fun and people were appreciative and Then and then couple that with the fact that I'm business partners with one of the most fucking brilliant men in the world Tom Segura And we start doing our live gigs those two bears live.

00:13:38.000 Yeah, yeah, and it was like I'd come home I do a live gig with him get blackout drunk tether our dicks together with electrodes shock each other's dicks guys did that Joe So we go to a dominatrix for one of our live gigs, right? 0.79

00:13:52.000 Right. 0.74

00:13:52.000 I heard about that, but I didn't hear the whole story. 0.74

00:13:55.000 So we go in, and I'm 100% game the second we get there.

00:13:59.000 I'm like, really game?

00:14:01.000 Tom's a little hesitant.

00:14:03.000 And so I open up a bottle of whiskey.

00:14:04.000 I go, why don't we start drinking and loosen up?

00:14:06.000 A couple buffalo traces later, Tom and I are in our underwear. 0.99

00:14:09.000 We're staring at each other, and this woman's like, so I can tether your dicks together and shock them. 1.00

00:14:14.000 I'm like, we're in. 0.99

00:14:14.000 Tom's like, I don't think this is a good idea. 0.99

00:14:16.000 Yeah, it's a bad idea.

00:14:17.000 I go, we should do it, Tom.

00:14:18.000 It'll be great for the live show. 0.98

00:14:20.000 I don't like that word with dicks. 0.98

00:14:22.000 Because what happens if someone falls? 0.99

00:14:24.000 Like, how are you tethered?

00:14:25.000 We're standing face to face.

00:14:27.000 Right, what if something goes wrong? 1.00

00:14:28.000 Like, what if your dick gets ripped off because Tom falls back? 1.00

00:14:30.000 He's not a small person. 1.00

00:14:31.000 We didn't think this through entirely.

00:14:33.000 I'm not going to lie to you. 1.00

00:14:35.000 Standing each other, we have these cock rings on our cocks. 1.00

00:14:37.000 Oh boy. 0.99

00:14:39.000 Electrode's going to two different controllers and she's just cranking us up. 0.92

00:14:44.000 Like dog collar type controllers or Taser?

00:14:48.000 I don't know.

00:14:49.000 Because like dog collar hurts, but Taser incapacitates you.

00:14:53.000 That's what I'm worried about.

00:14:54.000 No.

00:14:55.000 I think it was much more like the TENS machine.

00:14:58.000 Oh, okay.

00:14:59.000 So it was just electric.

00:15:01.000 Tens.

00:15:01.000 Yeah, so like you go to the therapist and you need muscle problems.

00:15:06.000 So she'd hit our cocks, just and then back and forth, and we're crying laughing.

00:15:12.000 What if you came? 1.00

00:15:12.000 What if you just like a fucking rocket ship? 1.00

00:15:15.000 So we get done and she looks at us and she goes, all right, that's as high as they go. 0.99

00:15:18.000 I'm like, cool.

00:15:19.000 She's like, all right, you guys want me to make you guys come?

00:15:21.000 And Tom and I are looking at each other and we're like, No?

00:15:29.000 And then she goes...

00:15:32.000 Look at you two.

00:15:33.000 We had so much...

00:15:34.000 Boy, he's hairy.

00:15:34.000 What a hairy fella.

00:15:35.000 Very hairy.

00:15:37.000 Like a gorilla.

00:15:38.000 Look at him.

00:15:38.000 This is back when he had two good arms.

00:15:42.000 And you guys are chained up while this is happening?

00:15:45.000 Chained up.

00:15:45.000 So when she said, make you come, how was she going to do that?

00:15:47.000 That's what we asked next.

00:15:48.000 We're like, so how would that happen? 1.00

00:15:49.000 She goes, ah, take you guys out in the other room, take a vibrator, put it in your cock, and you guys would just blow a load. 1.00

00:15:54.000 And we were like... 1.00

00:15:55.000 A vibrator, put it in your cock. 1.00

00:15:56.000 Put it on your cock. 1.00

00:15:58.000 A vibrator on your cock. 1.00

00:15:59.000 A vibrator on your cock until you guys come. 1.00

00:16:01.000 And both Tom and I are like... 1.00

00:16:02.000 Can you show us where you'd put it on our cocks? 1.00

00:16:04.000 Because we'll find the vibrator and do it to ourselves later. 0.96

00:16:06.000 And she was just like, ah, don't worry about it.

00:16:09.000 And then the best part is we get done, right?

00:16:12.000 We're done.

00:16:13.000 And this other dominatrix comes in. 1.00

00:16:15.000 Looks like this is like a fucking trap house for dominatrix. 1.00

00:16:18.000 You rent a trap house? 1.00

00:16:19.000 Yeah, so these dominatrix just rent a room in this house and then come in, torture a dude, and then bail. 1.00

00:16:25.000 It's like a nail salon, right?

00:16:26.000 Or like a hair salon.

00:16:27.000 Like a pop-up.

00:16:28.000 Yeah, yeah, like a pop-up for a restaurant.

00:16:33.000 So between me and Tom, I always get recognized because I'm so loud.

00:16:37.000 Tom never is the one that gets recognized.

00:16:39.000 It's always between me and it's always me. 1.00

00:16:40.000 So this girl walks in and she lights up hot as fuck. 1.00

00:16:45.000 She goes, Tom Segura! 1.00

00:16:46.000 And he's like, hey!

00:16:47.000 She was like, what are you doing here?

00:16:48.000 And he's like, oh, we're just shooting a thing for my live event.

00:16:50.000 She's like, I'm the biggest fan.

00:16:52.000 And he's like, oh, really?

00:16:53.000 And she's like, oh, my God.

00:16:54.000 Wait, can I do some stuff with you?

00:16:56.000 And he's like, well, we're all done.

00:16:57.000 She's like, oh, my God.

00:16:59.000 Would it be too much to ask if I get a picture?

00:17:01.000 And he goes, sure.

00:17:02.000 And he's like, anyone else?

00:17:03.000 Do you want to get a picture with anyone else in the room?

00:17:05.000 She looks at me and she's like, nah, just you.

00:17:07.000 I'm a big fan.

00:17:08.000 He's like, yeah.

00:17:08.000 Looks at me, gives me a wink.

00:17:10.000 They go over and she goes, all right, get on your knees, bitch. 1.00

00:17:12.000 And he's like, huh? 1.00

00:17:12.000 She's like, get on your fucking knees. 1.00

00:17:14.000 So Tom gets on his knees and gets a picture with a Dominator. 1.00

00:17:20.000 Get on your knees, bitch. 1.00

00:17:21.000 I'm a big fan. 1.00

00:17:23.000 I'm a big fan. 1.00

00:17:24.000 Get on your knees, bitch. 1.00

00:17:26.000 And Tom, just because we were such in a dom mood, we'd been dominated all day, he just got on his knees and took the picture. 1.00

00:17:34.000 Oh my god.

00:17:35.000 That's hilarious.

00:17:37.000 Dude, I miss him not living in LA. I miss you not living in LA. Come on about here, bitch. 1.00

00:17:43.000 It's a better place to live. 0.99

00:17:44.000 It's so nice out here, dude.

00:17:46.000 I'm telling you, I'm never going back.

00:17:47.000 I went back.

00:17:48.000 I did The Forum, and I did Sacramento. 0.99

00:17:52.000 Had a great fucking time. 0.98

00:17:53.000 But when I went back, I was like, Jesus Christ, the traffic, and everyone feels like they're a prisoner. 0.99

00:18:00.000 People have anxiety.

00:18:03.000 Everyone has anxiety in L.A. You don't realize it until you get out of there.

00:18:07.000 I just think that there's a thing that happens when you're around large groups of people.

00:18:11.000 There's a lot of excitement, like when you visit New York City.

00:18:14.000 It's great if New York City's popping like three years ago.

00:18:17.000 It was great.

00:18:18.000 But now it's sketching, right?

00:18:21.000 So there's a certain amount of energy, because there's a lot of people, but there's a certain amount of anxiety that comes with just being overwhelmed by population, by just large numbers.

00:18:30.000 That goes away out here.

00:18:32.000 The thing about living here, there's a million people in the city.

00:18:35.000 It's like, huh.

00:18:37.000 It goes away.

00:18:38.000 Everyone's friendly.

00:18:39.000 They're all nice. 0.97

00:18:40.000 Tom, we went to that soccer game last night and it was like, I was like, oh shit, I'm not having like panic attacks. 0.95

00:18:45.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:18:46.000 Dude, that's a lot of it.

00:18:48.000 A lot of it is just population. 0.97

00:18:49.000 When I built that apocalypse truck, that land cruiser that I got, I built it because I was telling my wife, I was like, if some shit goes down, we gotta be able to get the fuck out of here, like legitimately. 0.73

00:19:00.000 Like I need a big tank of gas and we gotta have money and we gotta have guns. 0.99

00:19:06.000 And she was like, this is such a ridiculous idea. 0.90

00:19:08.000 Then the pandemic hit. 0.85

00:19:10.000 And she saw the lines in front of gun stores, and she saw people freaking out, and then everyone was hoarding food and toilet paper.

00:19:16.000 And I was like, yeah, this is what I'm telling you.

00:19:19.000 I saw this. 0.99

00:19:20.000 I didn't see this, but I saw if shit goes south, no one's ready. 0.99

00:19:25.000 No one's ready. 0.97

00:19:26.000 And this is not a good place to be because there's no resources here.

00:19:29.000 There's no food.

00:19:30.000 There's no real water.

00:19:32.000 The water's in the ocean or reservoirs, and they'll dry up.

00:19:36.000 They have to get the water from somewhere else.

00:19:38.000 It doesn't rain there.

00:19:39.000 It's not a good place to live.

00:19:41.000 When the pandemic hit, I've always been a little bit of a conspiracy thinker and a little bit of a catastrophe thinker.

00:19:48.000 I always think of catastrophe.

00:19:50.000 What did you say?

00:19:50.000 My tongue's not working right.

00:19:51.000 It's not working right.

00:19:52.000 You need to get drunker.

00:19:53.000 I'll try.

00:19:53.000 You want another one?

00:19:54.000 I'll just kill this one. 1.00

00:19:58.000 Bring that bitch over here. 1.00

00:19:59.000 I got guns. 1.00

00:20:01.000 I got food.

00:20:02.000 How many guns do you get?

00:20:03.000 I was told not to tell anyone.

00:20:05.000 Oh, why?

00:20:06.000 Because I was telling everyone how many guns I had and where I kept them.

00:20:09.000 Oh, yeah, don't do that.

00:20:10.000 I did that on my special.

00:20:12.000 Yeah, don't do that.

00:20:15.000 I got guns.

00:20:17.000 I went to tactical.

00:20:21.000 He taught me how to use them. 1.00

00:20:23.000 I can barely say his fucking name. 1.00

00:20:25.000 He taught me how to use them. 1.00

00:20:26.000 I felt competent.

00:20:27.000 Isn't it great going there?

00:20:28.000 It's the best thing in the world.

00:20:29.000 And by the way, I've got to give a shout out to Taren, because when the pandemic hit, Reese's out.

00:20:33.000 Is there anything you need any help with?

00:20:34.000 Yeah, he's a good guy. 0.96

00:20:35.000 Fucking solid dude. 0.96

00:20:36.000 He's a good guy. 0.99

00:20:37.000 Really?

00:20:37.000 He's literally one of the best gun instructors in the world.

00:20:40.000 He taught Keanu Reeves how to shoot for John Wick, taught Halle Berry, teaches everybody.

00:20:46.000 How many different people went there?

00:20:49.000 Tons, tons of people.

00:20:50.000 But I had guns and I also had, I stockpiled meat in our outdoor freezer.

00:20:55.000 Ah, that's a good move.

00:20:56.000 And then I did your podcast and you were like, hey man, how are you on meat?

00:20:59.000 And I was like, I'm okay.

00:21:00.000 You're like, you want 10 pounds of elk?

00:21:02.000 And I was like, I'll take it.

00:21:03.000 And we've, and Leanne came up and apologized.

00:21:06.000 She was like, I didn't even think about it.

00:21:06.000 I always have a stack of cash to, we can roll with.

00:21:10.000 She's like, I thought you were crazy.

00:21:12.000 She was like, we got all this meat.

00:21:14.000 We got all this food.

00:21:15.000 We got guns. 1.00

00:21:16.000 I feel safe as fucking shit in this house. 1.00

00:21:18.000 And I was like, yeah, sometimes it's okay to have anxiety and just so you're ready for bad shit. 1.00

00:21:22.000 You just have to be prepared for the worst. 0.95

00:21:25.000 It doesn't mean that you have to think that everybody's evil.

00:21:29.000 It doesn't mean you can't be kind and friendly.

00:21:31.000 You could be all those things, but be ready.

00:21:33.000 But you also have to be charitable. 0.95

00:21:35.000 Like one of the biggest resources When shit goes south is other people. 0.97

00:21:40.000 People hoard, right? 0.97

00:21:42.000 They want to hoard, they want it all for themselves.

00:21:44.000 The problem with that is the same problem with, we all know certain people that when they become successful, they're very lonely.

00:21:54.000 Because they don't want anyone else to be successful.

00:21:58.000 They want it all about them.

00:22:00.000 Those people, they get real lonely.

00:22:04.000 Because they have no peers.

00:22:06.000 And so the only time they have friendships are these superficial friendships like they have to go to like red carpet events and weird events where there's other celebrities and they interact with those people in these real superficial ways and those are literally like some of their only social interactions with people.

00:22:21.000 So they don't have any real moments where they have, like, real friends where they could tell about their failures or their anxieties or their fears or their insecurities. 0.93

00:22:31.000 Like, shit that you and I can talk about easy. 0.99

00:22:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:34.000 They don't have that.

00:22:34.000 They don't have these kind of friendships.

00:22:37.000 That's a terrible place to be. 0.99

00:22:39.000 And when the shit goes south, like, if there's any kind of a pandemic or anything, the best thing you can have is a good crew of humans that you can count on. 0.99

00:22:46.000 You can count on them. 0.99

00:22:47.000 They can count on you.

00:22:49.000 Where, you know...

00:22:50.000 If you have five people and they all know how to get food and maybe someone's got chickens or someone has a fucking well at their house, you can help each other.

00:23:00.000 You can help each other.

00:23:01.000 That's what a tribe's all about. 1.00

00:23:03.000 These motherfuckers that... 1.00

00:23:05.000 They're only thinking about themselves. 1.00

00:23:07.000 When it goes bad, it goes real bad for them. 0.99

00:23:09.000 And those are the ones that you're seeing on Twitter that are freaking the fuck out all the time and yelling at people about random shit and just shaming people and calling people out. 0.99

00:23:19.000 Like, for what? 0.98

00:23:20.000 What's helping with this?

00:23:22.000 You're not helping anything.

00:23:23.000 It doesn't make any sense to me, the person that finds the joy in that.

00:23:27.000 It's no joy.

00:23:28.000 They just don't have any discipline or self-control or any sort of introspective understanding.

00:23:35.000 They don't have an understanding of how they interact with other people.

00:23:39.000 They're just doing it because they're scared.

00:23:41.000 And this pandemic brought so much of that out.

00:23:44.000 Because there's so many people out there that haven't experienced any sort of real adversity in their life.

00:23:51.000 You know they've had like... 0.78

00:23:53.000 Difficulties in their career and trying to get ahead but like real fucking hardcore adversity. 0.62

00:23:59.000 They've run away from that and they've sought comfort.

00:24:02.000 So whenever anything goes south, those people are the first ones to yell. 1.00

00:24:06.000 They're the first ones to try to find some enemy or try to find some scapegoat or some reason for why they're so scared or someone who's not following the rules or doing what they want you to do and wear two masks and all those motherfuckers. 0.99

00:24:22.000 Oh, I got videotaped by some lady. 1.00

00:24:26.000 Like, right at the beginning of the pandemic, we're walking the dogs, me and the girls, and I just assumed if you're outside, you don't have to wear a mask.

00:24:32.000 You shouldn't.

00:24:33.000 You shouldn't have to wear a mask outside.

00:24:34.000 But I had like a neck gait around my wrist, in case something happened, we got in contact with someone, and she's videotaping.

00:24:40.000 She's either videotaping or she's on a FaceTime call, or whatever.

00:24:44.000 But she's got her phone out, mask on.

00:24:46.000 And then lights up me and my daughters and our dogs, and she goes, and there's another one!

00:24:51.000 And I know the camera's on me.

00:24:53.000 I know this is how people get in trouble. 1.00

00:24:56.000 And I just yell out, you're a cunt! 1.00

00:24:58.000 And I just kept walking. 1.00

00:25:00.000 My daughters are like, they're like, Dad, you can't do that. 0.99

00:25:03.000 And I was like, I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:25:04.000 Like, that's not... 0.99

00:25:06.000 And I know the mental health. 0.99

00:25:07.000 I mean, I know that I'm back in therapy because even for me, and I'm a pretty level-headed dude, this pandemic, it fucks with your head. 1.00

00:25:18.000 It fucks with your head. 0.98

00:25:19.000 You don't go out in public for 17 months, and then all of a sudden, they're like, oh, just so you know, everything's up. 0.99

00:25:23.000 Go to the Denver airport.

00:25:24.000 And you're like, huh? 1.00

00:25:26.000 It doesn't just fuck with your head. 1.00

00:25:27.000 The problem is there's tears to this shit. 1.00

00:25:31.000 And the idea that this is over is nonsense. 1.00

00:25:34.000 This is not over.

00:25:35.000 This is just beginning.

00:25:36.000 This pandemic thing is just beginning.

00:25:38.000 We're gonna have to figure out a way to deal with this kind of stress in a better way.

00:25:44.000 Because I don't think this is going away.

00:25:46.000 And I think this is gonna get worse.

00:25:47.000 I really do.

00:25:48.000 Is this our new normal then?

00:25:49.000 I think our new normal is similar to this, but it might be worse.

00:25:53.000 Legitimately.

00:25:55.000 Oh, that's not what I want to hear.

00:25:56.000 Because the FDA backed off the boosters.

00:25:58.000 They say we're not going to have boosters.

00:26:00.000 But the FDA said that.

00:26:01.000 For real?

00:26:02.000 Yeah, two people resigned because they didn't see any science in the boosters.

00:26:06.000 I had my money on that Johnson& Johnson booster.

00:26:09.000 I was like...

00:26:10.000 Well, the Johnson& Johnson booster, when you do get it, within two months they said it's 94% effective against COVID. The problem is variants.

00:26:18.000 Jesus.

00:26:19.000 Yeah.

00:26:19.000 I would be...

00:26:22.000 I'm so...

00:26:23.000 Obviously, it's no one's fault that they don't know what to do.

00:26:26.000 Like, I remember the mask, no mask thing at the very beginning.

00:26:29.000 And they're like, masks aren't helpful.

00:26:30.000 Okay, masks are helpful.

00:26:31.000 I understand the whole, you gotta figure out what you're doing.

00:26:34.000 We're not gonna know until five years from now what we did right and what we did wrong.

00:26:37.000 But I'm just...

00:26:39.000 It bums me out.

00:26:41.000 Because, you know, I look at my daughters, and I know you probably look at your daughters, and my daughters spent junior and freshman year not in school.

00:26:49.000 Locked up.

00:26:50.000 Locked up.

00:26:50.000 I look at my buddy's son, now going to school over at Emerson, his senior year of high school, it was in a house.

00:26:56.000 Yeah.

00:26:56.000 And with his parents.

00:26:57.000 The worst.

00:26:57.000 And that's not good for a child's brain.

00:27:00.000 And look, my brain is already fucking broken. 0.99

00:27:02.000 I've done everything I can to it. 0.99

00:27:03.000 Dude, I think it's even worse for babies.

00:27:05.000 I think for little kids, it's the worst.

00:27:07.000 Yeah.

00:27:07.000 For little two-year-olds and three-year-olds, like their whole life, they've worn masks.

00:27:12.000 It doesn't even make sense because to them- And they don't even think about it.

00:27:15.000 They don't even think about it.

00:27:16.000 They just put them on and they just go.

00:27:18.000 Or they don't and then they get kicked off airplanes crying.

00:27:22.000 What?

00:27:23.000 Yeah.

00:27:23.000 You haven't seen the videos of people getting kicked off airplanes because their two-year-old won't keep a mask on their face?

00:27:28.000 You haven't seen that?

00:27:29.000 No. 1.00

00:27:30.000 Dude, it's the saddest shit of all time. 1.00

00:27:31.000 My two-year-olds would have never put a mask on their face. 1.00

00:27:34.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:27:34.000 They're crying, crying.

00:27:36.000 Because they can't fucking breathe right. 0.98

00:27:38.000 And it just feels uncomfortable. 0.98

00:27:39.000 And not only that, it doesn't make any sense.

00:27:42.000 Like, what we really need to do is figure out how to test.

00:27:44.000 And test quickly and safely.

00:27:46.000 There was a test that they were talking about.

00:27:49.000 And I don't know what ever came of this, but it was a saliva-based test that they were going to have where you just lick something and you would get a result within 30 seconds.

00:27:57.000 I remember someone telling me about this.

00:27:58.000 I can't remember who told me about this, but it was a person who understands and knows. 0.98

00:28:03.000 And I don't know if it wasn't effective, I don't know what the reason why we didn't get that, but that would have been the shit. 0.98

00:28:08.000 Like, so you get on a plane, everybody licks this fucking thing, you find out if you have it, and then everybody who has it, you get sent home, and everybody who doesn't have it gets on the plane. 0.99

00:28:18.000 Instead, what are we doing? 0.98

00:28:20.000 We're sitting right next to each other pretending that this little paper thing or a bandana is protecting you from the air that we're all breathing? 0.98

00:28:28.000 Who the fuck got kicked off a plane where they went into the cockpit and they filmed the pilot and the pilot didn't have a mask on? 0.98

00:28:36.000 Cody Garbrandt, that's right. 0.99

00:28:38.000 Oh, I know.

00:28:39.000 Cody No Love?

00:28:39.000 Yeah, from the UFC. Yeah, Cody No Love, yeah.

00:28:41.000 Former Bantamweight Champion. 1.00

00:28:42.000 He went into the fucking cockpit. 1.00

00:28:44.000 It was because of his baby, too. 1.00

00:28:45.000 It was the same deal.

00:28:46.000 I saw that.

00:28:46.000 I think he streamed it or I saw that on Instagram.

00:28:49.000 Yeah, he walked into the fucking cockpit and he filmed the pilots with no masks on. 0.99

00:28:53.000 He's like, we're all breathing the same air. 1.00

00:28:54.000 What the fuck is going on here? 1.00

00:28:55.000 This is so ridiculous. 1.00

00:28:57.000 But I was under the impression, and I don't have kids that young anymore, but I was under the impression that there was like an age where you didn't have to wear a mask. 0.94

00:29:06.000 There should be.

00:29:07.000 But the problem is if that kid has COVID. The thing about COVID is if a three-year-old has COVID, it's not...

00:29:15.000 I shouldn't say it's not dangerous to them.

00:29:18.000 But statistically, it's not nearly as dangerous as the flu.

00:29:22.000 And we're not testing any kids for the flu.

00:29:24.000 We're letting kids on flights all the time that have the flu.

00:29:27.000 The problem is the flu is not nearly as deadly for older people.

00:29:32.000 I don't mean like old people. 1.00

00:29:34.000 I mean people like in their 30s and 40s, right?

00:29:36.000 The COVID, for whatever reason, is more dangerous when you're in your 40s and 50s and what have you than the flu is, statistically.

00:29:45.000 Not by a giant amount, but by a significant amount where you can measure it.

00:29:50.000 But for kids, it's not.

00:29:52.000 For kids, they could have it and they could spread it.

00:29:56.000 And they don't even get sick, for the most part.

00:29:59.000 Some kids do, especially kids with comorbidities, right?

00:30:02.000 But my kids both got COVID, and it was way less than any serious cold they've ever had.

00:30:09.000 When did your kids get it early?

00:30:10.000 Yeah.

00:30:11.000 When my daughter was 12, she got it.

00:30:14.000 And she had a headache for a day.

00:30:16.000 And then my other daughter, this is my one that works out all the time, and she's very fit. 0.94

00:30:19.000 And then my other daughter, and she's not like she's not fit.

00:30:23.000 She had it, but she was younger, and she was sick for like two days.

00:30:27.000 But she didn't feel good.

00:30:29.000 She legitimately didn't feel good.

00:30:30.000 The other one was laughing when she found out she had COVID, because she got to stay home from school.

00:30:34.000 She thought it was funny.

00:30:35.000 She's wild, though.

00:30:36.000 She's a wild kid. 0.96

00:30:37.000 You get one of those and then you get...

00:30:39.000 You know how they are.

00:30:40.000 You're a parent. 1.00

00:30:41.000 I just spent time with Tom's fucking kids. 1.00

00:30:43.000 Are you kidding me? 1.00

00:30:44.000 Have you met Tom's kids? 0.99

00:30:45.000 No, he told me hilarious shit about his kid calling him Tom. 0.96

00:30:48.000 Oh, yesterday, Joe, I come in, I get off the plane, get on the couch. 1.00

00:30:54.000 Tom takes a shit. 0.99

00:30:54.000 I play with his kids for a little bit. 0.99

00:30:57.000 And his oldest, Ellis, comes in.

00:31:00.000 Christina shows up.

00:31:01.000 Tom's there.

00:31:02.000 His oldest comes in.

00:31:02.000 He goes, hey, Bert, I got you a cup of water.

00:31:04.000 And I go, oh, thanks, buddy.

00:31:05.000 I was on a plane all day.

00:31:06.000 And Tom goes, hold on, hold on.

00:31:08.000 Ellis, where did you get that from?

00:31:09.000 And he goes, the sink.

00:31:10.000 And he goes, Ellis, you can't reach the sink.

00:31:12.000 Did you get that from the toilet?

00:31:13.000 And he goes, no.

00:31:13.000 And I go, did you just get a cup of water from the toilet?

00:31:16.000 And he goes, no.

00:31:17.000 Dead serious, no.

00:31:18.000 I go, take a sip of this water.

00:31:19.000 And he goes, no.

00:31:21.000 I go, sip my water before I get it.

00:31:22.000 And he goes, no.

00:31:23.000 I go, where did you get this water?

00:31:25.000 He goes, Tom knows he got it. 0.99

00:31:28.000 And this kid is straight fucking face. 0.99

00:31:31.000 And he goes, take a sip, Bert, take a sip. 1.00

00:31:33.000 And I go, no, I'm not taking a sip of your fucking water. 0.99

00:31:35.000 I go, you take a sip. 1.00

00:31:36.000 He goes, I'm not taking a sip, you take a sip. 1.00

00:31:38.000 And then Tom goes in and he goes, don't touch the water, it's from the fucking toilet! 1.00

00:31:41.000 There was a water trail from the toilet to the fucking couch! 1.00

00:31:45.000 And he goes, Alice, did you get that from the fucking toilet? 1.00

00:31:49.000 And he goes, I did. 1.00

00:31:50.000 And he just walked out of the room.

00:31:54.000 I looked at Tom, I was like, please take me to my room. 0.99

00:31:56.000 I'm gonna lock my fucking doors. 0.99

00:31:58.000 The kid just wanted to get you to drink toilet water! 1.00

00:32:01.000 He goes, and from the fucking toilet! 1.00

00:32:02.000 But Joe, he played it like he was on Impractical Jokers. 0.99

00:32:06.000 I mean, it's like, strange things.

00:32:08.000 Well, I'm learning growing up with Tom and Christina.

00:32:10.000 I can't.

00:32:10.000 Two top shelf comics as your parents.

00:32:12.000 I walked in their house yesterday.

00:32:14.000 I walked in their house.

00:32:15.000 Ellis comes up. 1.00

00:32:15.000 Dad, you just call us fuckers. 1.00

00:32:17.000 And then I go, what? 1.00

00:32:18.000 Tom comes around the corner. 1.00

00:32:19.000 He goes, they painted the goddamn fucking walls. 1.00

00:32:21.000 They painted my fucking walls. 1.00

00:32:23.000 And I'm like, holy shit. 1.00

00:32:25.000 I'm like, I'm home, guys. 0.98

00:32:27.000 Uncle Bert's here.

00:32:28.000 I go, Ellis, you ever have gum?

00:32:30.000 And he goes, no.

00:32:32.000 And I go, ah. 1.00

00:32:32.000 And Tom goes, get the fucking gum away from him. 1.00

00:32:34.000 He's not allowed to have gum. 0.99

00:32:37.000 What's that kid gonna be like when he's 15? 0.99

00:32:39.000 He is going to be fucking hilarious. 0.96

00:32:41.000 This kid, I had more fun with this kid. 0.99

00:32:44.000 Him and his youngest brother is the sweetest goddamn thing in the world. 0.93

00:32:47.000 This kid just pulls me aside, just wants to connect with you. 0.98

00:32:51.000 He's like, I'm gonna wash dishes before mommy gets home.

00:32:53.000 You wanna wash dishes?

00:32:53.000 And I'm like...

00:32:54.000 Yeah, let's wash dishes.

00:32:56.000 And then I say to them, I go, hey, did you guys ever meet the dog that lives underneath your sink?

00:33:01.000 And they're like, there's a dog under our sink?

00:33:03.000 I go, yeah, when you put food in there, there's a dog that your parents never showed you the dog?

00:33:08.000 And they go, no.

00:33:09.000 So I go, hey, hey, come here, buddy!

00:33:11.000 And I hit the garbage disposal.

00:33:13.000 And they're like, there's a dog under there?

00:33:15.000 And then Christina just comes over and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1.00

00:33:17.000 We don't try to pet the dog. 1.00

00:33:18.000 Bert, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:33:19.000 And I was like, huh? 1.00

00:33:20.000 She's like, you just taught him how to use a garbage disposal?

00:33:22.000 And they're going to put their hand down.

00:33:23.000 I was like, okay, my bad.

00:33:25.000 Send me to my room.

00:33:26.000 Send me to my room.

00:33:27.000 Yeah.

00:33:28.000 It's been fun staying with Tommy. 0.99

00:33:29.000 I'm going to enjoy this entire fucking month. 0.99

00:33:31.000 I'm sure. 0.99

00:33:32.000 I'm here every fucking Monday, Tuesday, every fucking... 0.99

00:33:35.000 Him having kids, him and Christina having kids, is really like a science project. 0.99

00:33:39.000 Like, what is it like with parents who love fucking with each other and fucking with everybody else and laughing about anything, including people getting badly injured? 0.98

00:33:49.000 Like, what is it like growing up with them? 1.00

00:33:51.000 Dude.

00:33:52.000 And meanwhile, they both fall and break their legs.

00:33:55.000 Both of them.

00:33:56.000 There's a part...

00:33:57.000 Same time!

00:33:58.000 They both have broken legs in the house at the same time.

00:34:00.000 Like, one recovers, the other one breaks their leg.

00:34:02.000 Yeah.

00:34:03.000 There's a thing I won't talk about. 0.99

00:34:06.000 It's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life. 0.99

00:34:09.000 Why can't you talk about it? 0.99

00:34:10.000 Because it's his.

00:34:11.000 I want him to use it as a bit.

00:34:12.000 I told him last time.

00:34:12.000 Sometimes when you're with...

00:34:14.000 Sometimes, and he did this for me with my girls, he's like, this is funny as shit. 0.99

00:34:17.000 But you're so in the weeds with your kids that you're like, huh? 0.99

00:34:21.000 Right, you can't see it.

00:34:22.000 And so he takes me downstairs and shows me his kids' room. 0.99

00:34:24.000 And I go, are you fucking kidding? 0.98

00:34:26.000 And he goes, what? 0.99

00:34:27.000 I go, this is the thing?

00:34:29.000 And he goes, huh?

00:34:30.000 I go, is this a bit?

00:34:31.000 And he goes, no.

00:34:31.000 It's not funny at all.

00:34:32.000 We can't.

00:34:33.000 And I go, Tom, it's gotta be a bit.

00:34:35.000 It's gotta be a bit.

00:34:35.000 And he goes, oh yeah, that is pretty funny.

00:34:38.000 But it's like that's the way things work when you have kids. 0.99

00:34:40.000 Does he have to do with smearing shit on the walls or anything? 0.99

00:34:42.000 No. 0.99

00:34:43.000 No, it's just good.

00:34:44.000 It's just good.

00:34:44.000 And he'll figure it out on stage, and then everyone will go, oh, that's the thing Burt was...

00:34:48.000 It's just funny watching two guys who I knew when they were broke.

00:34:53.000 I mean, piss broke. 1.00

00:34:54.000 Well, she's a girl, so you rude fuck. 1.00

00:34:56.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:34:56.000 You misgendered her. 1.00

00:34:57.000 How dare you?

00:34:58.000 Two guys.

00:34:59.000 Two people.

00:35:01.000 Humans.

00:35:01.000 Two human beings that I've loved for a very long time.

00:35:05.000 We're good to go.

00:35:22.000 And they knew my family.

00:35:23.000 And I said to Leanne, I was like, hey, I'm flying down to Austin every week in October.

00:35:29.000 And I said, you gotta come down. 1.00

00:35:30.000 You gotta meet these fucking kids. 1.00

00:35:32.000 And I was like, they know our kids so well. 1.00

00:35:34.000 So well.

00:35:35.000 I mean, my daughters still call them buns. 0.69

00:35:38.000 And I go, you gotta meet his kids.

00:35:40.000 It's like, it sucks that he's down here and that we won't be a part of his family the way we were.

00:35:44.000 I mean, because when Tommy fell and hurt himself, It was like, it was a no-brainer.

00:35:50.000 I called Leanne, I said, hey, they need us.

00:35:52.000 And we just went, and we went to his house that night, stayed until like one in the morning after the fall.

00:35:58.000 I can't believe he slept on the couch with a broken arm after leaving one hospital and going to another one.

00:36:04.000 I mean, that's crazy.

00:36:06.000 I don't think he was, and I say this, and obviously Tom can say whatever he wants to say, but I don't think he was in his right state of mind.

00:36:13.000 He couldn't be.

00:36:14.000 I think he was a little out of it.

00:36:15.000 Just from the trauma, the shock.

00:36:18.000 Yeah, that affected me pretty deeply, that whole thing.

00:36:22.000 Because, you know...

00:36:23.000 Because you moved his arm. 1.00

00:36:24.000 You probably fucked him up. 1.00

00:36:26.000 Listen, I fucking saved his goddamn life. 1.00

00:36:28.000 You might have. 1.00

00:36:28.000 I might have. 1.00

00:36:29.000 You might have fucked his arm up, too. 0.99

00:36:30.000 I might not have, or I might have. 0.99

00:36:32.000 Might have.

00:36:33.000 It's hard to tell.

00:36:33.000 It's hard to tell, but, you know, doctors are doing everything they can do.

00:36:36.000 Listen, I love him to death.

00:36:37.000 And I had surgery on my arm, too. 0.99

00:36:39.000 If there's karma, I got the fucking surgery, too. 0.99

00:36:42.000 Well, you had a minor surgery in comparison. 0.99

00:36:44.000 Oh, I had a very major surgery compared to what Tom had.

00:36:47.000 You were on stage with like a robot arm on.

00:36:50.000 Yeah.

00:36:51.000 Tom had, what, a seven-hour surgery?

00:36:52.000 Yeah.

00:36:53.000 Mine was 30 minutes.

00:36:55.000 What did they do?

00:36:55.000 Just reattach your tricep tendon?

00:36:58.000 Yeah, reattach my tricep tendon.

00:37:00.000 But it didn't all tear, right?

00:37:01.000 Part of it was still attached?

00:37:02.000 59% tore.

00:37:04.000 So you could have just let it go if you didn't want to flex your triceps.

00:37:07.000 Oh, come on, bro.

00:37:08.000 You didn't want to show everybody.

00:37:09.000 I'm in...

00:37:10.000 Do dips?

00:37:11.000 I was in physically the best shape I'd ever been in when I shot that movie.

00:37:17.000 Benching 235. Wow.

00:37:19.000 For me, that's a lot.

00:37:20.000 I was throwing up clean...

00:37:21.000 Shout out to Bert Soren, and shout out to you, obviously, and everyone at On It. 0.98

00:37:27.000 All the guys at On It helped hook me up with weights, and Bert hooked me up with a fucking rack. 0.92

00:37:31.000 Yeah, he's awesome. 0.95

00:37:32.000 He really is awesome.

00:37:34.000 And you hooked me up with Bert.

00:37:35.000 And so, all that, and I was loving it, and then I got hurt. 0.98

00:37:40.000 Remember that time we all bench pressed drunk as fuck at my studio? 0.97

00:37:44.000 Yeah, I tell people about that and they don't believe it. 0.98

00:37:46.000 I go, you know, we all tried to do 220, 225 is the two plates.

00:37:50.000 That's like a man's bench.

00:37:51.000 If you're listening to this for political reasons and you've never bench pressed, then you need to know that two plates, clink clink, is a man's bench.

00:37:59.000 If you do that, then you're a man.

00:38:01.000 And so me, Tom and Ari, it was right after Sober October ended.

00:38:05.000 We were hammered.

00:38:07.000 And we were like, let's see if I can always throw up 225. In my head, I can.

00:38:10.000 And I got pinned hard.

00:38:13.000 Ari got under, got pinned worse than any of us. 1.00

00:38:16.000 Tom got it off his chest and was trembling, but Tom lifts weights, but he had a hard time.

00:38:21.000 And then you go in and you throw up a pro football combine record of like 15, 17, 18. I remember telling someone that and they're like, Joe Rogan punches 220. I go, Joe Rogan works out for...

00:38:32.000 I remember all of us are like, all right, Joe, come on, let's go to dinner, man. 1.00

00:38:35.000 What the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:38:35.000 And you just... 0.99

00:38:36.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

00:38:37.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:38:38.000 And then you get to dinner and you're like, I think I hurt myself. 1.00

00:38:40.000 I was like, something feels wrong in my peck.

00:38:43.000 But I was so drunk.

00:38:44.000 You know, when you're drunk and you're lifting weights, you ignore, like, twinges.

00:38:49.000 Yeah.

00:38:49.000 You know?

00:38:49.000 I was like, let's see how many reps we can get out of this.

00:38:52.000 I really think I only got to 13. I think I got to 13 and I stopped.

00:38:56.000 It was...

00:38:57.000 Well, that was a little bit...

00:38:58.000 There was something where I was like, this is probably...

00:39:02.000 I think you put it up at 15 and you were like, alright, I'm not going to do it anymore.

00:39:05.000 And we were all like, come on, 20 is like what a linebacker does.

00:39:08.000 Come on, Joe.

00:39:11.000 Benching is a way a lot of guys hurt their shoulders.

00:39:13.000 I was just talking to my buddy Cam Haynes. 0.98

00:39:15.000 He fucked his shoulder up benching too. 0.99

00:39:17.000 Whenever someone fucks their shoulder up, I go, were you benching? 1.00

00:39:21.000 There's something about benching.

00:39:22.000 I don't know what it is. 0.98

00:39:24.000 I don't know what about that motion, but a lot of people tend to fuck their shoulders up doing that. 0.96

00:39:30.000 I don't bench anymore. 0.96

00:39:31.000 That's the crazy thing is then, I don't bench.

00:39:34.000 I didn't bench then.

00:39:35.000 Really?

00:39:36.000 No.

00:39:36.000 I don't bench.

00:39:37.000 When I did that, when I banged out all those 225s, I don't bench.

00:39:41.000 I don't bench at all.

00:39:42.000 So what do you do in a workout?

00:39:47.000 Kettlebells.

00:39:47.000 Everything's kettlebells.

00:39:48.000 Everything's kettlebells.

00:39:50.000 That's all I do.

00:39:51.000 Dude, the video...

00:39:52.000 I don't even know what...

00:39:54.000 I barely remember things I've seen of Cam Haynes working out with David Goggins.

00:39:58.000 David Goggins is yelling, get him in the boat!

00:40:00.000 Who's gonna carry the boat?! 1.00

00:40:02.000 Who's gonna carry the boats?! 0.99

00:40:03.000 Yeah.

00:40:04.000 Well, you know what Cam told me?

00:40:05.000 Cam goes, what's crazy about Goggins is, as he gets tired, he gets more crazy, and then he pushes harder.

00:40:12.000 He goes, right when you think he's gonna be done, he starts yelling.

00:40:16.000 They don't know me, son!

00:40:17.000 They don't know me, son!

00:40:18.000 And he gets like an extra gear.

00:40:21.000 And he goes further.

00:40:23.000 That's a group of people I wish I had never.

00:40:25.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:40:25.000 Look at this.

00:40:26.000 Give me some volume on this.

00:40:27.000 David Coggins.

00:40:27.000 Yo, nobody works like David in this house!

00:40:29.000 13, come on! 0.90

00:40:31.000 14, come on! 0.97

00:40:32.000 15, shut that muscle down! 1.00

00:40:34.000 16, come on! 0.94

00:40:36.000 Get it!

00:40:37.000 17!

00:40:38.000 They don't know me, son!

00:40:40.000 18!

00:40:41.000 They don't know me, son!

00:40:43.000 19!

00:40:43.000 They don't know me, son!

00:40:45.000 20, you got some more!

00:40:47.000 21!

00:40:49.000 It's mental, I'm telling you.

00:40:51.000 His mind is bulletproof.

00:40:55.000 Look at his eyes.

00:41:01.000 Look at his eyes.

00:41:02.000 It's just like he reaches in...

00:41:07.000 He reaches into his brain and he hits a switch and juice comes out, you know?

00:41:12.000 Like psycho juice comes out.

00:41:14.000 Dude, let me tell you something. 1.00

00:41:15.000 I had that fucking voice in my head at times. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Usually I'm drunk on a plane. 1.00

00:41:18.000 You should.

00:41:19.000 Who's going to carry the boats?

00:41:20.000 David Goggins, if you make a shirt that says, who's going to carry the boats, I will buy it.

00:41:23.000 He probably has one.

00:41:24.000 I was going to wear his sweatshirt today, but I walked outside and it was too warm.

00:41:27.000 I was going to wear it on the podcast today.

00:41:28.000 He's got David Goggins gear.

00:41:30.000 It's like a battle axe.

00:41:31.000 It's like the D and the G, they form a battle axe on his shirt.

00:41:36.000 Here's the thing that I'm obsessed with these days.

00:41:43.000 Like, look, you know I don't really follow MMA or UFC. I might watch it every now and then, but I don't know the things that you know.

00:41:50.000 But I know enough that, like, I hear you say shit like, oh, Brian Ortega's got sick jiu-jitsu, but it's a fundamental jiu-jitsu. 0.93

00:41:57.000 And some people shit on fundamental jiu-jitsu, but what you really need to know is that stuff is jiu-jitsu. 0.98

00:42:01.000 Like, I listen to you say that, and then I repeat it, right? 0.97

00:42:03.000 Right. 0.99

00:42:04.000 And I don't know anything about hunting or Cam Haynes or David Goggins, but I'm fans of those motherfuckers, right? 0.99

00:42:09.000 Like, I'm a fan. 0.99

00:42:11.000 Right.

00:42:11.000 Jocko.

00:42:12.000 I don't think Jocko and I could last 15 minutes in a room and see eye to eye on anything.

00:42:18.000 Of course you would. 1.00

00:42:18.000 He would look at me and be like, this fucking sad saga shit. 1.00

00:42:21.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

00:42:21.000 He wouldn't. 1.00

00:42:22.000 I'm telling you.

00:42:22.000 But I'm a fan of that guy.

00:42:23.000 Listen to his audio book.

00:42:24.000 He wouldn't do that.

00:42:25.000 He's misunderstood.

00:42:27.000 Really?

00:42:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:29.000 Jocko's a leader.

00:42:30.000 Like, a real leader.

00:42:31.000 Like, if Jocko was running for president, I would 100% endorse him.

00:42:34.000 By the way, me too.

00:42:35.000 He's a leader, and what I mean by a leader is he's not a judgmental person.

00:42:40.000 He's not a person who looks down on people.

00:42:42.000 He endorses strength, and he endorses an honest approach to your life, and he endorses leadership.

00:42:53.000 I think that's where we'd lose... 1.00

00:42:55.000 I think he'd look at me and be like, this guy talks a lot of shit and doesn't follow it through. 0.99

00:42:58.000 But I'm telling you, he's not a judgmental person. 0.99

00:43:01.000 That's not how he is.

00:43:02.000 He just embodies leadership.

00:43:04.000 And either you get inspiration from the way he lives his life, or you don't. 0.99

00:43:09.000 But he doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:43:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:10.000 He's not like a guy that's like, look at you. 0.99

00:43:13.000 Get your shit together. 1.00

00:43:15.000 Look at you with your sad life shit in your pants when you fart. 1.00

00:43:18.000 You fucking loser. 1.00

00:43:19.000 He's not that guy. 1.00

00:43:20.000 He's not that guy.

00:43:21.000 He's just a guy like, cool, roger that.

00:43:24.000 He's a badass dude.

00:43:26.000 He's as badass as any human being that's ever walked the face of the earth. 0.99

00:43:29.000 Jiu-jitsu, surfer, fucking dad. 0.99

00:43:32.000 He's that guy. 1.00

00:43:33.000 Intimate.

00:43:33.000 I don't mean it that way, Jago.

00:43:35.000 I mean intimate.

00:43:36.000 You get to know him well.

00:43:38.000 He's as solid a human being as has ever walked the face of the earth.

00:43:41.000 I love that guy to death.

00:43:43.000 I just spent hunting camp with him.

00:43:45.000 Is that who you are?

00:43:46.000 I was just with him in Utah.

00:43:47.000 And Cam Haynes. 1.00

00:43:48.000 See, that's what I find really fascinating is when I see people, like you said, shitting on people online, trolling people, and talking shit, waiting for them to slip up to fuck with them. 0.99

00:43:59.000 I go, don't you have anyone in your life that you're not like, But you love, like, David Goggins, Cam Haynes, Jocko, fucking Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, fucking Robbie Lawler, all these dudes, I don't know anything about them. 1.00

00:44:12.000 Like, I met a fucking Cowboys Roni. 0.82

00:44:16.000 Like, these guys, I'm a fan of them. 1.00

00:44:17.000 I follow them on Instagram, they post shit, and it makes me smile. 1.00

00:44:20.000 Yeah, those guys take life and they wring that bitch out until it's like a dry sponge. 1.00

00:44:25.000 Dude, and I... I draw energy from that. 1.00

00:44:29.000 Celebrating people that I'm not...

00:44:31.000 The other day, I was just allowed to start running again, right?

00:44:35.000 And I haven't been able to run since the surgery, the movement for your tricep.

00:44:40.000 I got on my treadmill, and I was walking at an incline.

00:44:43.000 This is what I was doing.

00:44:44.000 I was like, all right, I'm going to push it.

00:44:45.000 I'm going to push it a little bit.

00:44:46.000 So I go, my litmus for health is a seven-minute mile.

00:44:50.000 If I can run a seven-minute mile, I'm good, right?

00:44:53.000 So I do my first mile, and I do it at like 13.20.

00:44:57.000 It's like a 4.5.

00:44:59.000 It's not that fast.

00:44:59.000 But I'm like, I haven't really run in a while.

00:45:01.000 And then I do my next mile.

00:45:03.000 I'm like, let's see if I can do a 10-minute mile.

00:45:05.000 Like a 10-minute mile is pretty rough for the average health.

00:45:08.000 So I do a 10-minute mile.

00:45:10.000 I'm three miles in.

00:45:11.000 Incline, slow run, 10-minute mile. 0.99

00:45:14.000 And then I go, all right, let's fucking push it. 0.99

00:45:17.000 And I start hearing these motherf... 0.99

00:45:19.000 Who's going to carry the boats?

00:45:22.000 Man, and you know me well enough to know, like... 1.00

00:45:25.000 I'm not created like David Calkins, but you hear that in your fucking head. 1.00

00:45:30.000 It's fuel. 1.00

00:45:31.000 It's fuel! 0.99

00:45:32.000 And then I hear my fucking physical therapist going, just, you know, ruptured Achilles is a game changer. 0.99

00:45:37.000 And I'm like, maybe I should slow down. 0.99

00:45:39.000 Why, do you have a bad Achilles?

00:45:40.000 No, no, I don't.

00:45:41.000 No, I don't.

00:45:41.000 But I just start hearing that after an injury.

00:45:44.000 Everything you hear is like, blown out patella is a game changer.

00:45:47.000 Ruptured femur is a game changer.

00:45:48.000 Yeah, they're all game changers.

00:45:50.000 Yeah.

00:45:51.000 But Achilles is supposed to be a rough one.

00:45:53.000 That's probably the biggest gift I've gotten from this podcast is those dudes.

00:45:59.000 Me too, I think.

00:46:01.000 You're very, you know, especially being around as early as I got to be on this podcast, to see the growth this podcast has had and the people that you've surrounded yourself with and brought in, it's like really cool to be a part of this community and know that those guys are like,

00:46:16.000 like Cam Haines will, I don't know if this is real or not, sometimes I just drink and talk.

00:46:22.000 Like, he'll text, DM me or something, you know?

00:46:25.000 Oh, it's 100% real.

00:46:25.000 Like, I'll say something.

00:46:27.000 I don't remember if he knows who I am, but, like, I'll say something.

00:46:28.000 He knows who you are.

00:46:29.000 We've talked about you.

00:46:31.000 Yeah.

00:46:31.000 Oh, yeah, he talked about me running a marathon.

00:46:34.000 Yeah, why would you say you don't know what's real? 0.96

00:46:35.000 I don't fucking remember what's real anymore. 0.99

00:46:38.000 Joe, I've told so many goddamn stories. 1.00

00:46:40.000 You've pickled your brain! 1.00

00:46:41.000 I told a story to my kids the other day, and my wife goes, I think that was Police Academy 3. I was like, what?

00:46:47.000 I was like, oh, yeah, we didn't all rent jet boats.

00:46:49.000 You're right. 1.00

00:46:50.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:46:51.000 But yeah, like it's been cool as shit, you know? 1.00

00:46:55.000 Especially, you know, I was thinking about this the other day. 0.97

00:46:57.000 I'm sitting in the hot tub. 0.99

00:46:58.000 Dude, you were on like episode 10 or some shit.

00:47:00.000 Like what episode of the podcast were you on, the first one? 0.90

00:47:03.000 Well, I was a fan.

00:47:04.000 I was a huge fan of the podcast first.

00:47:06.000 Tommy was on, like, episode three.

00:47:08.000 That's how I found the podcast.

00:47:10.000 Isla saw Uncle Tommy, Uncle Buns on the podcast, clicked on it, and there were snowflakes coming down on your faces.

00:47:17.000 Oh.

00:47:17.000 And she's sitting on my computer watching JRE 3. Oh, my God.

00:47:21.000 And I go, what are you doing?

00:47:22.000 She's like, Uncle Buns. 1.00

00:47:24.000 And I was like, oh shit. 1.00

00:47:25.000 I was like, what is this? 0.99

00:47:26.000 And it was you guys answering questions.

00:47:28.000 That's hilarious.

00:47:29.000 That's how we used to do it.

00:47:29.000 We used to answer questions off the little chat on Ustream.

00:47:33.000 Yeah, Tommy was like, he left and he talked to Redband. 0.99

00:47:35.000 He's like, what the fuck is he doing? 0.94

00:47:36.000 Like, why is he doing that in Redband? 0.99

00:47:38.000 I was like, I don't know.

00:47:39.000 Like, they all thought it was a waste of time!

00:47:43.000 Dude, by the way, not even like...

00:47:45.000 Look at that!

00:47:46.000 Episode 73. Number 73, Bert Kreischer.

00:47:49.000 So you were probably like, at this time, it was probably like a year in.

00:47:52.000 This was...

00:47:53.000 Because I don't think we were doing more than one a week back then.

00:47:55.000 If I had known how much this one event would change my life...

00:48:00.000 Right?

00:48:00.000 This one event.

00:48:02.000 Tom and I talk about paths a lot.

00:48:05.000 I don't want to put words in other people's mouths.

00:48:08.000 I talk about paths.

00:48:09.000 Tom and I talked about last night.

00:48:10.000 About certain paths you get on.

00:48:12.000 You don't know you get on those.

00:48:14.000 And I say to him, you know, Meeting Joe changed my life because I would never have...

00:48:21.000 I said this last night.

00:48:22.000 I would have never told the machine gun story on stage.

00:48:25.000 Never told it on stage.

00:48:26.000 I told it before.

00:48:27.000 I told it to you and you're like, that needs to be a stage story.

00:48:30.000 And I was like, it's not.

00:48:31.000 And I'd heard people say that before.

00:48:32.000 And you were like, no, that needs to be told on stage.

00:48:34.000 And I was like, I'm not going to tell it.

00:48:36.000 Had you not insisted and said to all the people listening...

00:48:40.000 This needs to be a stage where when he gets on stage, this man's only to be known as the machine from this point on.

00:48:46.000 And you chant it at his shows. 1.00

00:48:47.000 And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:48:49.000 And to think that that one story I have milked like a closeted dairy farmer from the 1940s. 1.00

00:48:57.000 Dude, you just got done doing a major motion picture starring you.

00:49:03.000 The machine.

00:49:04.000 From a story I told on this podcast.

00:49:07.000 Isn't that wild?

00:49:08.000 Dude.

00:49:09.000 It's wild, right? 0.97

00:49:09.000 Oh, it was so fucking surreal to think. 0.97

00:49:14.000 I had this event happen. 0.99

00:49:16.000 You want to know something really fucking crazy? 0.97

00:49:18.000 I got a phone call from my teacher the other day. 0.97

00:49:21.000 The teacher that got me into the Russian class that greenlit all those things. 0.99

00:49:24.000 She called me and she was like, you made a fucking... 0.99

00:49:27.000 I told her, she goes, you have a career off of this one fucking story? 1.00

00:49:32.000 That's exaggerating. 0.99

00:49:33.000 You have a career, period.

00:49:35.000 Just to have a career is enough in this business.

00:49:38.000 The one story is just like a couple of cylinders on your engine.

00:49:43.000 I'll tell you, man, I think about that all the time.

00:49:46.000 I tell Tommy, Charlie Murphy had wanted to go to dinner with Tom that night.

00:49:52.000 And he was walking with Charlie Murphy.

00:49:54.000 You guys were all doing that real men comedy tour.

00:49:56.000 And you stopped Tom and you said, hey man, you're really funny.

00:50:00.000 And Tom was like, in his head, he's like, I gotta leave.

00:50:03.000 But he ended up talking to you.

00:50:05.000 That one moment changed all of our lives.

00:50:08.000 Like mine and Tom's, at least.

00:50:10.000 It's because you guys became really close, started touring together, started doing the thing.

00:50:13.000 I hit up Tom.

00:50:14.000 I was like, you know, man, that podcast is awesome.

00:50:15.000 He's like, well, I'm friends with Joe.

00:50:17.000 And next thing you know, you hit me up, you're like, you should do the podcast.

00:50:19.000 Tell the machine story. 0.99

00:50:20.000 Next thing you know, I'm in Serbia, starring in a major motion picture on a story I told on a fucking podcast. 0.99

00:50:27.000 Dude, the life is awesome. 0.99

00:50:28.000 Cheers, my brother. 0.92

00:50:29.000 I'm like, I'm so fucking grateful. 0.96

00:50:31.000 Me too. 0.58

00:50:33.000 I'm so grateful for friends like you guys.

00:50:36.000 Without friends like you guys, this is all boring.

00:50:41.000 It's gotta be fun.

00:50:43.000 It's so much fun.

00:50:44.000 It's gotta be fun.

00:50:45.000 You gotta bring people along with you, and you're doing that too.

00:50:47.000 And Tom's doing that too.

00:50:48.000 Everybody's doing that.

00:50:49.000 That's the beautiful thing.

00:50:50.000 Everybody's doing the same thing.

00:50:51.000 Everybody's bringing people along with them and helping other people.

00:50:54.000 Sickler and all these other funny guys. 0.94

00:50:56.000 Sickler's podcast is fucking amazing. 0.57

00:50:58.000 Sickler's podcast is probably the best interviews I've ever heard. 0.94

00:51:01.000 He's a great guy, man.

00:51:02.000 He's a great guy.

00:51:03.000 He's a great guy.

00:51:04.000 And Sickler, it comes through.

00:51:06.000 Like, what you see on the podcast, you see when you're hanging out with that dude.

00:51:09.000 He's just a genuine sweetheart of a person.

00:51:14.000 And we're all surrounded by people like that.

00:51:16.000 And it's so different than when...

00:51:18.000 We were talking about this today, and me and you kind of talked about it a little bit.

00:51:23.000 Back in the day when we started this business, there was such cattiness.

00:51:26.000 Such like, I'm going to go up in front of that guy, I'm going to blow him off stage. 0.95

00:51:30.000 And now to sit here and think, you know, people that I met, like guys like Ari have introduced you to like Shane Gillis or Mark Normand and Chris DiStefano, Giannis Pappas, and all these great fucking dudes that are all blowing up huge right now.

00:51:49.000 Come on my podcast, on Tom's podcast, your podcast.

00:51:52.000 And it's just such a shared experience.

00:51:53.000 And that was not how this started.

00:51:55.000 No, the business is, well, you know, I don't know why.

00:52:00.000 I mean, I know why.

00:52:03.000 The business used to be everyone was competing for us a small number of spots Like if you wanted to do young comedian special there was only five comedians or whatever it is You know HBO if you want to get an HBO special like you kind of had to be somebody and You know either you had to be on one of those Rodney specials or you had to be on something else like someone had to Get you into something and Rodney was a giant influence of me because he Found comics that he loved and he boosted them up and he helped them out and I always said I wanted

00:52:33.000 to do a Rodney type special with comics that I know that are really funny That aren't getting the love you know and do something like that whether I'd be willing to do that right now Whether it's on Netflix or Amazon or even maybe I'll put it together myself and do it on YouTube but that kind of thing is like I always remember thinking,

00:52:49.000 like, how cool is Rodney Dangerfield?

00:52:51.000 That he let the world know about Bill Hicks and Dom Herrera and Sam Kinison and Lenny Clark and all these comics that I deeply admire.

00:53:00.000 And, you know, I just always felt like that's the guy I want to be.

00:53:06.000 I want to be the guy that, like, helps other comics and boosts them up.

00:53:10.000 But everybody was, like, competing for this small number of spots.

00:53:13.000 And the thing that happened with me...

00:53:17.000 Was I got insanely lucky.

00:53:19.000 I got insanely lucky.

00:53:21.000 Like, I mean, I did good on stage and everything, but there was people that were better than me.

00:53:26.000 I got lucky.

00:53:27.000 I got on MTV like fucking five years in a comedy or four years in a comedy. 0.95

00:53:34.000 It wasn't that long. 0.95

00:53:35.000 And then I got a deal and then all of a sudden I was on a sitcom.

00:53:40.000 So, I didn't have to work that hard.

00:53:42.000 Like, in a weird way.

00:53:44.000 I did road gigs, and I bombed, and I did colleges, and I traveled the country like everybody else, but it wasn't that long.

00:53:51.000 I was on TV six years in a comedy.

00:53:53.000 I was on news radio with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and Andy Dick and Maura Tierney and Vicki Lewis and Candy Alexander.

00:54:00.000 It was wild!

00:54:01.000 And Steven Root, who's like one of the greatest actors of all time.

00:54:04.000 It was madness!

00:54:05.000 Like, the idea that I was that lucky to be in this spot, You got like a master's degree in comedy.

00:54:10.000 And you got a master's degree in all...

00:54:13.000 That was like...

00:54:13.000 Right, but here's the important thing.

00:54:15.000 I didn't feel desperate, like a lot of comics do, where their career's not going anywhere.

00:54:20.000 Like they're 10 years in, they're 15 years in, they're not going anywhere.

00:54:23.000 I was comfortable.

00:54:25.000 So I started helping people.

00:54:27.000 So I found guys like Joey Diaz or Duncan or Ari.

00:54:31.000 I was taking them on the road with me.

00:54:32.000 I'm like, let's go have fun together.

00:54:34.000 So it's like I got lucky that I had this position where I didn't have years of bitterness.

00:54:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:54:43.000 I think that bitterness starts eating you up, and then you start...

00:54:47.000 It turns into, for lack of better words, like a cancer.

00:54:52.000 Yes.

00:54:53.000 And you can't see past it.

00:54:54.000 Exactly.

00:54:55.000 That's what you focus on, and then it makes more of it.

00:54:58.000 And I gotta be very honest, is that I think I was in a very unique situation in that...

00:55:05.000 It was a good stand-up.

00:55:06.000 I got on Travel Channel for eight, nine years, whatever it was.

00:55:09.000 And then I was doing this podcast with you.

00:55:12.000 I would hop on the podcast and I did my podcast and And I started my podcast, and I'd do Joey's and Ari's, but at the same time, I had also failed as a comic.

00:55:23.000 You know, like I had kind of let comedy fall into the side.

00:55:27.000 You didn't fail, you just weren't paying attention to it.

00:55:30.000 You were doing the other stuff, because the other stuff was paying the bills, and you had a family.

00:55:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:55:35.000 Like, it's not, you can't, like, shit on yourself for it. 0.99

00:55:39.000 But I remember there was a moment where I called you, And you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. 0.96

00:55:45.000 Yeah.

00:55:47.000 I'm like, what are you doing, man? 1.00

00:55:49.000 And you're like, I'm on a fucking motorcycle! 1.00

00:55:51.000 I'm in Vietnam! 1.00

00:55:52.000 I'm driving around!

00:55:53.000 I'm running through rice paddies!

00:55:54.000 And I was like, well, that's pretty wild.

00:55:56.000 That's fun. 0.95

00:55:57.000 But I remember telling you, dude, you're a really, really fucking funny guy. 0.72

00:56:02.000 And I go, you would be a great stand-up comic. 0.95

00:56:05.000 You'd be like a really, truly great stand-up comic.

00:56:07.000 But you've got to concentrate on it.

00:56:09.000 You've got to bank on yourself. 1.00

00:56:11.000 This Travel Channel shit. 0.99

00:56:12.000 Because I remember they were like... 0.99

00:56:14.000 Sort of restricting the way you talked.

00:56:17.000 I couldn't smoke weed on this podcast.

00:56:18.000 Yes, you couldn't smoke weed.

00:56:20.000 You used to hide it.

00:56:21.000 I used to hide it.

00:56:21.000 When Red Band used to work the cameras, he would turn the camera away from you and you would take a hit of weed.

00:56:26.000 Yeah.

00:56:27.000 We had to coordinate it.

00:56:29.000 I was careful about things I said about the occult.

00:56:31.000 There were certain things you couldn't say.

00:56:35.000 Is this you in Vietnam? 0.99

00:56:35.000 This is me in a fucking race boat. 0.99

00:56:38.000 That's TT right there. 0.99

00:56:39.000 That's my fixer, TT. Were you in Vietnam here?

00:56:41.000 I was in Vietnam, yeah.

00:56:43.000 It was terrifying.

00:56:44.000 But the thing is, I feel like I had...

00:56:49.000 It was like there was a light went off.

00:56:53.000 I was like, I gotta tell him to stop doing this.

00:56:56.000 Well, you and Bill Burr, who I love...

00:57:03.000 I love as well.

00:57:06.000 I'm saying this because it's going to sound like you guys are being shitty to me, but you weren't. 0.93

00:57:11.000 I walked in the back of the comedy store one time and you guys were both talking about it and you said, hey man, I remember I said something and both of you guys were like, hey man, your Travel Channel show sucks. 0.96

00:57:22.000 We love you.

00:57:23.000 You're just a better comic.

00:57:24.000 And you gotta focus on podcasting and focus on your stand-up.

00:57:27.000 I felt you were gonna become like one of those guys.

00:57:30.000 Well, and also I knew from my own personal experience, right?

00:57:34.000 Like I hosted Fear Factor for six years.

00:57:36.000 I know what that feels like to be stuck in this gig that's doing really well.

00:57:41.000 I say stuck in this gig.

00:57:43.000 That's a terrible thing to say because it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, Fear Factor. 1.00

00:57:47.000 Because it gave me fuck you money. 1.00

00:57:48.000 And fuck you money gave me this thing where I could be like, okay, I can relax. 1.00

00:57:54.000 I like nice things, but I don't need them. 1.00

00:57:56.000 You know what I need?

00:57:56.000 I need food and shelter.

00:57:57.000 And I have that now, literally for the rest of my life.

00:58:00.000 I just put some money away, and then I'm like, now I just want to live the way I want to live.

00:58:04.000 I want to do what I want to do. 0.97

00:58:06.000 And so when I saw you doing that Travel Channel shit, I was like, Burt Kreischer is too funny for this. 0.96

00:58:11.000 You're too funny to be constricted. 0.99

00:58:13.000 You're funny when you're wild. 0.99

00:58:14.000 You're funny when you get off stage, you take your fucking shirt off and you're hammered and you're free. 1.00

00:58:19.000 You can't be restricted and also be free. 0.99

00:58:22.000 It's literally not possible.

00:58:24.000 So you could live a tortured life where you make a good living, but you're not doing what you could have done.

00:58:31.000 And then all of a sudden one day you're 60. And you're looking back on your life and you're like, shit. 1.00

00:58:40.000 That could happen. 1.00

00:58:41.000 It could happen to any one of us.

00:58:42.000 It could happen to me.

00:58:43.000 It could happen to anyone, man.

00:58:46.000 You get stuck.

00:58:48.000 And sometimes you can't do anything about being stuck and you just gotta do what you gotta do in the moment and make a plan and bide your time and figure out a way to do what you're truly passionate about.

00:59:01.000 But people have obligations.

00:59:03.000 They have families.

00:59:04.000 They have bills.

00:59:04.000 They have people to take care of that they love.

00:59:06.000 I understand that.

00:59:07.000 You gotta do what you gotta do.

00:59:08.000 But I knew that for you, There was a way out.

00:59:11.000 And the way out was podcasting and stand-up.

00:59:14.000 And I knew that.

00:59:15.000 I knew that.

00:59:15.000 And I remember talking to you on the phone that day.

00:59:17.000 And I remember saying, I gotta say this.

00:59:20.000 I have to say this.

00:59:22.000 He's gotta get out.

00:59:23.000 You gotta get out.

00:59:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:24.000 And I knew they were fucking with you. 1.00

00:59:26.000 And I knew they were fucking. 1.00

00:59:27.000 I was friends at Bourdain, right? 1.00

00:59:28.000 So he was getting fucked with, too. 0.98

00:59:31.000 You know, they have very strict standards. 0.99

00:59:35.000 You know, that's their own business.

00:59:36.000 That's what they want.

00:59:37.000 They have a sort of a niche that they cater to, and they wanted people to fill that niche.

00:59:43.000 And anybody that stepped out of line, and anybody that was controversial, they didn't want anything to do with that.

00:59:49.000 And they wanted to restrict you, and they wanted to put you in this box. 0.99

00:59:52.000 But I knew you as this wild motherfucker that told that Tracy Morgan story. 1.00

00:59:56.000 I'm like, this is my friend who's this wild motherfucker, and they're turning him into a G movie. 0.98

01:00:03.000 You know, you're not a G, you're an R. And I'm like, this R is getting wasted on a G. I remember telling them, I said, they were like, what do you want to do with the rest of your, you know, for Travel Channel next? 0.97

01:00:15.000 And I said, I would love to do, you know, what Anthony Bourdain does.

01:00:18.000 I think I'm talented.

01:00:20.000 And they were like, and they just cut me off.

01:00:21.000 They're like, you, sir, are no Anthony Bourdain.

01:00:23.000 And I felt like saying, like, the way you said that, I think that would even offend Anthony Bourdain.

01:00:27.000 Yeah.

01:00:27.000 Like, I think Anthony would be bothered by that.

01:00:29.000 And I felt like going, everyone's, you gotta let everyone take their shot.

01:00:34.000 And then, luckily, I got fired.

01:00:36.000 And thank God.

01:00:37.000 And I know...

01:00:38.000 What's interesting is that, you know, when I got that award and I got on stage, my daughters were there, and they were like, you know, they give you the award and then they say, you gotta say a list of thank yous.

01:00:50.000 And I go through all my thank yous and they're all very heartfelt, sincere.

01:00:54.000 Everyone on my team, from top to bottom, UTA and EverLevity, all of them, I love them.

01:00:58.000 They've done everything for me.

01:00:59.000 But I got to a moment where I said, you know, I think I got very fucking lucky and I surrounded myself by comics that were way better than me.

01:01:08.000 And I named you guys.

01:01:09.000 I named all of you guys.

01:01:10.000 Tom, Joey, Burr, you, Ari, Dunk.

01:01:15.000 All these guys were just...

01:01:16.000 And there's a much bigger list.

01:01:18.000 I know I'm leaving people off, but like, I go, they were brutally honest with me, and they were my friends.

01:01:24.000 And that didn't happen 10 years ago.

01:01:26.000 No, 10 years ago, they'd go, quit that Travel Channel show, and it would mean, because it's good, and we don't want the competition.

01:01:31.000 You guys were saying it like, hey man, you got more talent than this.

01:01:35.000 Yeah, there's a certain bitterness that a lot of comics had, and I really think that it was... 0.97

01:01:42.000 I remember one time we were on the set of news radio, and we're on fucking TV, man. 0.91

01:01:49.000 I mean, we're living the dream. 0.98

01:01:50.000 We're on TV. And they were complaining about a show that was on another network, or that was on another time slot.

01:02:00.000 It was a really good time slot.

01:02:02.000 And we weren't on a good time slot.

01:02:03.000 We moved eight or nine times during the five years that we're on TV. And this is pre-internet, right?

01:02:09.000 So no one knew where the fuck you were. 0.99

01:02:10.000 You couldn't tweet, hey, everybody, tune in. 0.99

01:02:13.000 If Dave Foley had a million Twitter followers and he said, hey, we move to Sunday night at 8 o'clock, they'd be fine.

01:02:21.000 Because everybody would go, okay, news radio is Sunday night now.

01:02:23.000 And everybody would watch it. 0.99

01:02:24.000 This was 1990, whatever the fuck it was. 0.99

01:02:26.000 And you couldn't do that. 0.98

01:02:28.000 So we would move and no one would know.

01:02:30.000 And our ratings were terrible.

01:02:32.000 And they were all bitching that this show was on this and that show's on this and they got great shots.

01:02:39.000 And I was like, hey guys, last time I checked, we're on TV. We have a fucking sitcom. 0.99

01:02:46.000 How many people have sitcoms? 1.00

01:02:48.000 I'm like, we're living the fucking dream. 0.99

01:02:50.000 We're so lucky. 0.99

01:02:51.000 They didn't want to hear it.

01:02:55.000 Their thought was, no, we could be Sex and the City. 0.99

01:02:58.000 You know, we could be The Single Guy or whatever the fuck it was. 0.98

01:03:01.000 There was like these shows that, you know... 0.99

01:03:04.000 It's crazy what you think your high could be.

01:03:07.000 Like, mine would have been like, I mean, honestly, my high would have been be on Travel Channel for the rest of your life, sign a big deal.

01:03:16.000 And then I look back and I go, I'm so glad that I got fired.

01:03:21.000 And you think, going back to this Paths thing, You think that you're on the right path.

01:03:27.000 I was thinking this because, you know, my injury happened because I burned my leg really bad with ice.

01:03:34.000 I used to run the same loop, four-mile loop, every morning in Serbia before the movie.

01:03:39.000 And one day I felt bloated.

01:03:40.000 I'd been partying all night, and I was like, I'm going to run six miles today.

01:03:43.000 I'm going to run up to the U.S. Embassy and then run back.

01:03:45.000 And I hurt my leg. 0.97

01:03:46.000 I fucking pulled something to my calf, put ice on it, got second-degree burns on my leg from the ice because I put it directly on the skin. 0.98

01:03:54.000 And then because of that, the next day we're in the woods, I do my fall and I hurt my arm because I'm focused on my leg. 0.98

01:03:59.000 And I start thinking, I literally think I went on the wrong path.

01:04:05.000 I went the wrong direction.

01:04:08.000 And then my wife says, I don't know, maybe if you hadn't injured your arm, you wouldn't have done that promo video of you going under anesthesia, calling out Red Rocks for your surgery.

01:04:22.000 Maybe you wouldn't have sold the tickets. 1.00

01:04:24.000 And then you start going, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:04:25.000 And Tom goes, I think of this every fucking day. 1.00

01:04:27.000 Had I not injured myself, maybe I'd be a different person. 0.99

01:04:31.000 Maybe I wouldn't be as empathetic.

01:04:33.000 And then I think about Amanda Knox.

01:04:34.000 And we were just talking about this.

01:04:35.000 She spends four years in prison.

01:04:38.000 Possibly, and I listen to a lot of your episodes, possibly the most eloquent, well-spoken, interesting human beings I've ever heard on this show.

01:04:47.000 And you go, I hate to say this this way, but...

01:04:54.000 Did you need your path to get you to be this great person you are today? 0.96

01:04:59.000 Are these paths that you go through, the bad shit you go through, is that what you need to have to turn you into the person that you're gonna be? 0.84

01:05:07.000 Is every path the right path? 0.95

01:05:09.000 But it's an incredible challenge, and sometimes incredible challenges break people.

01:05:15.000 So it's like, why does it break some people, and why does it turn some people into an Amanda Knox, who's one of the most intelligent people I've ever talked to, and the most empathetic, non-judgmental, even to the guy who was the prosecutor, who was essentially trying to frame her for something she absolutely didn't commit.

01:05:34.000 If you look at the evidence, there's no fucking way that guy rationally, if he was given a set of circumstances, if he was given all the evidence that they knew eventually, in the beginning, There's no way he would have thought that Amanda Knox was guilty.

01:05:48.000 He decided early on that she was guilty and then was trying to confirm his initial suspicions. 0.96

01:05:54.000 So he was confirmation bias and he was essentially framing an innocent girl who was 20 years old.

01:06:02.000 And this is a guy with daughters.

01:06:04.000 In a different country.

01:06:06.000 In a different country that also has very sensational journalism.

01:06:09.000 I mean, they have, like, tabloid journalism is very prominent there, and it was a big deal.

01:06:14.000 Paparazzi's from there.

01:06:15.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:06:15.000 She brought that up.

01:06:16.000 I know.

01:06:17.000 I'm just repeating her.

01:06:18.000 Yeah, they were calling her Foxy Noxy and... 1.00

01:06:21.000 You know, they were trying to pretend that she was this evil Satanist, and she was a fucking kid, man. 0.99

01:06:25.000 She was a 20-year-old kid. 0.99

01:06:27.000 She didn't know.

01:06:27.000 I mean, think about who you were when you were 20. You're a knucklehead.

01:06:31.000 You know, you don't know anything. 1.00

01:06:32.000 And all of a sudden, she's in fucking Italy for the first time, and this guy breaks into the house that she was living in when she wasn't there and kills her roommate. 0.98

01:06:41.000 And they concocted some crazy fake story. 0.99

01:06:44.000 Meanwhile, this girl does four years in jail. 0.98

01:06:46.000 The whole thing, the ordeal takes like eight years until she's completely exonerated.

01:06:50.000 And then after she's completely exonerated, she's one of the most fascinating, interesting people I've ever talked to because of the ordeal and because she came out of the other side like...

01:07:03.000 She's tempered. 0.86

01:07:03.000 She's like a fucking samurai sword, where you'd taken that sword and put it in the flames and hammered it over and over and folded it and put it through all this stress, dunked it in water and hammered it. 0.86

01:07:16.000 She's a fascinating, amazing human being. 0.99

01:07:20.000 And you know who told me about her is Whitney.

01:07:22.000 Oh yeah, she was on Whitney's podcast.

01:07:24.000 Yeah, I saw that.

01:07:25.000 I didn't even watch it because I didn't want to because I don't want to be influenced by it.

01:07:29.000 But I listen to Whitney because she's one of the smartest people I know.

01:07:33.000 Whitney's a fascinating human being herself.

01:07:34.000 And when she tells you that someone's brilliant and amazing and kind and thoughtful, and you're like, really?

01:07:41.000 I go, do you think she did it?

01:07:42.000 And she's like, I don't think she did it.

01:07:43.000 This is the first thing I ask.

01:07:44.000 Do you think she did it?

01:07:45.000 We're just talking, right?

01:07:48.000 And she goes, no, you should really have her on your podcast.

01:07:50.000 And she doesn't say that about it.

01:07:52.000 Anybody.

01:07:53.000 Yeah.

01:07:53.000 I mean, maybe she said that about like two other...

01:07:55.000 I've known her forever.

01:07:56.000 She said that about like two people ever.

01:07:57.000 By the way, there's like nine people I want from Whitney's podcast on your podcast.

01:08:01.000 Tell me.

01:08:01.000 Starting with Dave Grohl.

01:08:03.000 Oh, I'd have him on.

01:08:05.000 Dave Grohl's...

01:08:05.000 Dave Grohl looks like...

01:08:07.000 You know, like I was just told...

01:08:09.000 Someone just told me spirit animal is a very offensive term.

01:08:13.000 What?

01:08:13.000 To say like, oh, Jamie, you're my spirit animal.

01:08:15.000 To who?

01:08:16.000 Native Americans, I guess.

01:08:18.000 Which name of Americans?

01:08:19.000 I don't know.

01:08:20.000 Which ones?

01:08:20.000 I don't know.

01:08:20.000 But Dave Grohl is my fucking spirit.

01:08:23.000 Who told you it was offensive? 1.00

01:08:25.000 Some fucking woke dude. 1.00

01:08:27.000 I said spirit animal and the next thing you know, shit fucking went sideways. 1.00

01:08:31.000 Someone actually said that to you? 1.00

01:08:32.000 In person?

01:08:33.000 Where's this person live?

01:08:34.000 Burbank.

01:08:36.000 Is he a comic?

01:08:39.000 No, he's not.

01:08:40.000 What does he do for a living?

01:08:42.000 Tell me what he does.

01:08:43.000 Nothing.

01:08:43.000 He does nothing.

01:08:44.000 Where is he?

01:08:45.000 He does nothing.

01:08:48.000 Let's find him.

01:08:50.000 We can call him.

01:08:55.000 Saying spirit animal is incredibly offensive. 0.99

01:08:58.000 He told me that the other day and I was like, oh shit, I've been saying that a lot. 1.00

01:09:02.000 But Dave Grohl's a fucking badass. 0.99

01:09:04.000 Dude, that guy... 0.99

01:09:07.000 He's been on Whitney's podcast. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Whitney's got a great fucking podcast. 1.00

01:09:12.000 She really does. 0.99

01:09:13.000 And I love that she went full hog in it and was like, I'm going hard.

01:09:18.000 I'm taking the big names.

01:09:19.000 I'm bringing in...

01:09:20.000 She has great guests.

01:09:21.000 It's allowed people to see who she really is.

01:09:24.000 It's like for a while, Whitney was like Whitney from the sitcom, so she was trapped in this weird sitcom world, and she's this beautiful girl.

01:09:31.000 But the beautiful...

01:09:33.000 The fact that she's beautiful is really just...

01:09:37.000 It's just incidental.

01:09:38.000 She just happens to be beautiful. 0.97

01:09:40.000 What she really is is this fascinating person who's had a really fucking troubled life. 0.98

01:09:45.000 Difficult childhood. 0.99

01:09:46.000 Very.

01:09:47.000 Hard life.

01:09:48.000 And that's why she came out on the other end who she is.

01:09:51.000 But when you talk to her, you get this...

01:09:56.000 Nuanced view of the way she sees the world.

01:10:00.000 She's a very unusual person.

01:10:01.000 She cracks me up.

01:10:02.000 Beginning of the pandemic, very beginning of the pandemic, she hits me up.

01:10:06.000 She goes, hey, we're doing this comedy gives back thing, and I'm interviewing Adam Sandler.

01:10:11.000 You're an Adam Sandler fan, right?

01:10:12.000 Love Adam Sandler. 0.99

01:10:13.000 I fucking love Adam Sandler. 0.93

01:10:15.000 She goes, hey, so I'm going to interview him, but I know you're a fan, so I thought maybe I'd invite you over. 0.98

01:10:21.000 Maybe you'd come in, crash the thing.

01:10:22.000 Oh, I saw that. 0.98

01:10:26.000 I fucked that up so bad. 0.99

01:10:27.000 You fucked the whole thing up! 0.99

01:10:29.000 I fucked that up so badly. 0.99

01:10:31.000 And Adam Sandler was like, what? 0.90

01:10:32.000 What questions did you ask him that was like...

01:10:34.000 First of all, I didn't ask him any questions.

01:10:36.000 I told him, you know me, I told him a bunch of stories about me.

01:10:38.000 And he was like...

01:10:40.000 I go, hey, Adam, you want to hear a great story?

01:10:42.000 He's like, ah, sure, sure.

01:10:43.000 And I was like, so anyway, when you were in college, when I was in college, I was at Florida State, and you came and formed, and he's just like, I don't know where this is going.

01:10:50.000 And I go, you came to Florida State?

01:10:51.000 And this girl I was dating was like, ended up hanging up with you, and then they ended up smoking pot with you and Alan Covert, and then I didn't go, and that was me, though.

01:10:59.000 And he was like, ah, cool, cool.

01:11:01.000 And this is all Zoom, right?

01:11:02.000 This is Zoom.

01:11:03.000 There's no editing.

01:11:04.000 Also, you're not in the room with him.

01:11:07.000 There's a delay, and Whitney and I have a tape measure, so we're six feet apart because it's COVID, and I'm swinging in like a boom mic, coming in going, hey, Adam, Adam, oh, this is so bad.

01:11:19.000 I can't even see it.

01:11:21.000 Look at the tape measure! 1.00

01:11:22.000 Whitney had a fucking tape measure! 1.00

01:11:24.000 That was before Whitney started coloring her hair random fucking woke colors. 1.00

01:11:30.000 And then I didn't even realize it was bad, right? 0.98

01:11:33.000 I didn't even realize it was bad.

01:11:34.000 Joe, you know that I promoted my special, right?

01:11:36.000 You know that I went.

01:11:37.000 Of course.

01:11:38.000 But I said to him, I go, do you have Netflix?

01:11:41.000 Here's the $200 million deal at Netflix.

01:11:43.000 The first I get off the phone, Big Jay Oakerson calls me.

01:11:46.000 And he goes, I just want to give you a heads up.

01:11:48.000 We just totally trashed you.

01:11:49.000 And I was like, what?

01:11:50.000 He goes, we were up after you.

01:11:51.000 And we were mocking that.

01:11:52.000 We were in the waiting room watching it.

01:11:54.000 And I go, what do you mean mock me, Jay?

01:11:56.000 And he goes, are you being serious?

01:11:58.000 I thought that interview went great.

01:12:01.000 I thought it was perfect.

01:12:03.000 Were you drunk?

01:12:05.000 No, no, I think I was sober.

01:12:07.000 That's why.

01:12:07.000 That's the problem.

01:12:08.000 Big J goes, Bert, you asked Adam Sandler if he had Netflix.

01:12:12.000 I said, yeah, because my special's on Netflix.

01:12:14.000 And he goes, Bert, he has a $200 million deal at Netflix. 0.99

01:12:17.000 He definitely has fucking Netflix. 0.97

01:12:18.000 And then he goes, and then you called his movie Happy Madison. 0.99

01:12:21.000 It's Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison.

01:12:24.000 He goes, and then you called his movie Precious Gems.

01:12:27.000 I go, it's not Precious Gems? 0.95

01:12:28.000 And then I start melting down, and I'm like, oh my god, I really fucked this up. 0.71

01:12:32.000 Yeah, that was a colossal... 0.91

01:12:36.000 God bless David Spade. 0.99

01:12:38.000 That Uncut Gems movie is fucking fantastic. 0.98

01:12:41.000 Yeah, I call it Precious Gems. 0.99

01:12:42.000 Yeah, if you want to find out who Adam Sandler really is or what he's capable of, goddamn Uncut Gems. 0.99

01:12:47.000 That is one, two hour or whatever, however long the movie is, fucking panic attack. 0.99

01:12:52.000 I gotta see it. 0.98

01:12:54.000 You haven't seen it? 1.00

01:12:55.000 Holy shit, Bert. 0.99

01:12:56.000 It's so good. 0.99

01:12:57.000 It's so crazy how good it is.

01:12:59.000 Do you know anybody who's a gambling junkie?

01:13:02.000 No, I just stopped gambling.

01:13:04.000 You did?

01:13:05.000 Yeah, I don't care.

01:13:06.000 I don't care about it. 0.99

01:13:09.000 I don't really give a fuck. 0.99

01:13:11.000 It's like, I'm just dead inside with that. 0.98

01:13:15.000 I used to gamble on fights when I was calling them.

01:13:18.000 In the early days of the UFC. Because there was guys who would come in from overseas.

01:13:24.000 Guys who'd come in who I'd watch fight in like K-1 or rings or any of those Japanese organizations.

01:13:33.000 And I knew who they were.

01:13:36.000 And I would gamble on them.

01:13:38.000 Really?

01:13:39.000 Yeah, but I was like, is this bad?

01:13:41.000 I'm commentating and I'm also gambling.

01:13:44.000 I don't know if that's smart, because I don't want to be biased.

01:13:48.000 He hit him hard! 0.99

01:13:50.000 Goddammit! 0.96

01:13:51.000 Aubrey, my partner in Onnit, Aubrey used to...

01:13:53.000 You mean the man with the most beautiful body in the world?

01:13:56.000 It's not bad.

01:13:57.000 It's not bad.

01:13:58.000 Between him and his wife, he's married, correct?

01:14:01.000 He's married.

01:14:02.000 Yes.

01:14:02.000 I might just follow him on Instagram.

01:14:03.000 Yes.

01:14:04.000 But their two bodies are just...

01:14:06.000 They're beautiful people.

01:14:07.000 I think I have all the fat they should have.

01:14:08.000 Okay.

01:14:10.000 Their bodies have zero fat on them.

01:14:12.000 And he's always got that...

01:14:13.000 He's a lovely man.

01:14:15.000 He's got that beautiful sunshine smile.

01:14:17.000 That's another thing about this podcast.

01:14:19.000 I follow people I do not know.

01:14:21.000 And I'm like, oh, look, they're wake surfing.

01:14:24.000 Do you want to meet him?

01:14:27.000 I'd love to meet Aubrey Marcus.

01:14:28.000 I'll hook it up.

01:14:29.000 Yeah, I'll call him after we're done here.

01:14:30.000 Yeah, I would love to.

01:14:32.000 What was I saying about him?

01:14:33.000 You were saying gambling on fights.

01:14:34.000 Oh, so I would give him...

01:14:36.000 That's Uncut Gems.

01:14:38.000 I would give him the tips.

01:14:41.000 Like, when guys would come in, I would say, oh my god, that line is totally wrong. 0.68

01:14:45.000 I'm like, this guy's a killer.

01:14:46.000 And we were, at one point, we were at 84%. 0.93

01:14:50.000 Where I was just giving him the tips and he was gambling, we would, 8 out of 10, I would call him right.

01:14:54.000 You know, because MMA, you can't call it right.

01:14:56.000 Yeah.

01:14:57.000 All the time. 1.00

01:14:58.000 Because wild shit happens. 0.99

01:14:59.000 Like, did you see the UFC this weekend? 0.99

01:15:01.000 I didn't and I won't.

01:15:02.000 Oh my god.

01:15:03.000 Brian Ortega.

01:15:05.000 And Alexander Volkanovski had one of the craziest title fights I've ever seen in my life.

01:15:10.000 It was wild!

01:15:12.000 And I kind of wish I was there.

01:15:13.000 I was out of town for that one.

01:15:15.000 That was my hunting trip, so I had to cancel it. 0.98

01:15:17.000 But god damn, it was so good. 0.99

01:15:19.000 It was so crazy. 0.99

01:15:20.000 That was a fight you couldn't...

01:15:22.000 Call.

01:15:23.000 Because Ortega almost won twice with two insane submissions.

01:15:28.000 Once with a...

01:15:29.000 He got him on the bottom with a guillotine, or he mounted him, rather, with a guillotine, and then he got him on the bottom with a triangle.

01:15:36.000 It was insane!

01:15:38.000 And Ortega is known for his submissions.

01:15:40.000 His submissions are some of the best in MMA periods.

01:15:43.000 He's a Torrance jiu-jitsu guy, right?

01:15:45.000 He's from the original Gracie Academy in Torrance.

01:15:49.000 That's where I trained.

01:15:49.000 Keep going.

01:15:51.000 Orion ran the school and his sons, you know...

01:15:55.000 Henner.

01:15:55.000 Yeah, Henner and Heron.

01:15:57.000 And Brian Ortega came from there.

01:16:00.000 It's like lineage.

01:16:02.000 It's lineage.

01:16:03.000 It's like some of the purest jiu-jitsu that you're going to get.

01:16:07.000 And when you say fundamentals, like Brian Ortega has perfect fundamentals.

01:16:13.000 You know, Krohn Gracie.

01:16:14.000 Perfect.

01:16:15.000 Perfect.

01:16:16.000 Perfect fundamentals.

01:16:17.000 They do everything to like this razor sharp.

01:16:20.000 When he dove on that guillotine choke, I was like, that is, like, I wish people could see how beautiful that is the way I see it.

01:16:27.000 Yeah.

01:16:28.000 Because I know how hard that is to do.

01:16:29.000 The way he slipped it in and got mount on a world champion.

01:16:33.000 Yeah.

01:16:33.000 Full guillotine mount, our world champion, and the guy got out!

01:16:37.000 I mean, he's gurgling.

01:16:39.000 It's as deep as it gets.

01:16:40.000 And when you realize how good Brian Ortega is, and what he's in right now, he's in a mount, but he's also got his legs crossed underneath, which is like the most ruthless mount.

01:16:48.000 Because a regular mount, you're on top of a guy, and the guy can kind of buck.

01:16:52.000 But Ortega's got his legs crossed.

01:16:54.000 So that kind of guillotine with a guy like that is death! 0.98

01:16:58.000 It's death! 1.00

01:16:59.000 And that crazy motherfucker from Australia got out where 99.99% of the people who have ever lived would have tapped out. 1.00

01:17:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:08.000 That fucking savage is like, not today, bitch. 1.00

01:17:10.000 I'd rather die. 1.00

01:17:11.000 I did a deep dig on Brian Ortega.

01:17:15.000 So good, dude.

01:17:16.000 He was on Schaub's Calabasas Companion.

01:17:19.000 Yes.

01:17:20.000 And probably one of the most interesting human beings I've ever heard talk.

01:17:24.000 He's an actor.

01:17:26.000 And he just doesn't come out as an actor, which is how I come at it as.

01:17:30.000 Like, just a regular person.

01:17:31.000 He's an actor?

01:17:32.000 He was acting before he did fighting?

01:17:35.000 Please correct me.

01:17:35.000 No, we don't have to pull it up.

01:17:36.000 No, no, no, no.

01:17:36.000 Is that true?

01:17:37.000 Let me know.

01:17:38.000 Hold on.

01:17:38.000 Brian Ortega was in a movie with Shia LaBeouf.

01:17:42.000 They were both in the movie, but that was like the first, or maybe he's done very few things.

01:17:46.000 Was that when he was already fighting?

01:17:47.000 When was that movie?

01:17:48.000 Very recently.

01:17:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:49.000 In Shaba, they were like, Shaba's an extra, but Brian's in it, too.

01:17:52.000 But they probably brought Brian in because, you know, he's already fought for the title before.

01:17:55.000 He fought Max Holloway.

01:17:56.000 He knocked out Frankie Edgar. 0.99

01:17:58.000 I mean, Brian Ortega's been a bad motherfucker for years. 0.99

01:18:00.000 I heard you talk. 0.99

01:18:00.000 Well, I got into a deep dive about him, and I do a thing called Open Tabs, where I keep all the tabs open in my Safari browser, and then I do a podcast about telling you about all the shit I learned over the weekend. 0.99

01:18:09.000 Huh? 0.56

01:18:10.000 And I had a big Brian Ortega one, but I took it out because sometimes with cage fighters, maybe what I say isn't what they hear, and I don't want to piss any of them off.

01:18:19.000 I know what you're saying.

01:18:20.000 Some dudes are super sensitive. 0.99

01:18:21.000 I'm sensitive as fuck. 0.99

01:18:23.000 And Brian Ortega was in this movie with Shia LaBeouf, and he told this crazy story about Shia trying to fight him. 0.99

01:18:30.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

01:18:32.000 Is that real?

01:18:33.000 No.

01:18:34.000 Is that real?

01:18:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:35.000 I heard the story.

01:18:36.000 That is hilarious.

01:18:38.000 And so, but Brian Ortega, the way he was telling the story was like, it was good, like, it was legit good storytelling. 0.97

01:18:43.000 Like, he can do jujitsu, I can tell a motherfuckers story, and the way he was telling the story... 0.95

01:18:48.000 Was like the way you would do jujitsu? 0.99

01:18:54.000 If I knew jujitsu, yes!

01:18:56.000 He was telling it good.

01:18:57.000 He was telling it good. 1.00

01:18:58.000 And I was like, who the fuck is Brian? 0.99

01:19:00.000 And then the next clip is you talking about Brian Ortega's jujitsu's flawless. 0.99

01:19:04.000 It's flawless.

01:19:05.000 But you said it's fundamental.

01:19:07.000 Yeah, what that means is there's like some basic, and the word basic gets offensive to some people because I think they misinterpret.

01:19:19.000 That's why I use the word fundamentals instead of basic.

01:19:21.000 But what I mean by basic is there's just like some amazing moves in Jiu Jitsu that are standard.

01:19:30.000 Like the arm bar is standard.

01:19:32.000 Arm bar from the guard is a standard move.

01:19:35.000 A guillotine choke is a standard move.

01:19:37.000 A rear naked choke is a standard move.

01:19:39.000 A Darce choke, we're getting a little more new school-y because there's a guy, Joe Darce, that came up with that name.

01:19:46.000 But there's a bra bow choke that's kind of similar that's in Jiu Jitsu with the Gi.

01:19:51.000 And there's a lot of techniques like Gi techniques that are very fundamental.

01:19:56.000 Like Ezekiel chokes and clock chokes. 0.97

01:19:59.000 They're basically kind of fundamental. 0.99

01:20:02.000 And then you get into this new school, like Eddie Bravo style, where he's got some of these students that are just doing this wild shit. 0.96

01:20:09.000 There's this kid, Ben Eddie. 0.98

01:20:12.000 Who teaches out of Portland.

01:20:14.000 I think he's in Portland.

01:20:15.000 And Ben Eddy's like super flexible with his wild guard.

01:20:18.000 And I was just looking at this new move that he was doing where he's got like this rubber guard, new choke.

01:20:24.000 And I was analyzing this.

01:20:26.000 I was like, whoa!

01:20:27.000 And I'm like, how many people can move their legs like that?

01:20:29.000 Like how flexible is he?

01:20:30.000 How much dexterity does he have in his legs?

01:20:32.000 The way he's applying pressure. 1.00

01:20:33.000 I'm like, can my fat ass do that? 1.00

01:20:35.000 I'm looking at how he's doing it. 1.00

01:20:37.000 I'm like, can I do that?

01:20:37.000 Or is this like out of my league?

01:20:39.000 Is this like one of them, there's some crazy flexibility moves that you have to be like a pretzel to use? 1.00

01:20:45.000 So he's doing this shit. 0.99

01:20:47.000 Ben Eddy's got amazing jujitsu. 1.00

01:20:49.000 And one of the things I love about him, He's a long-haired hippie, and he's not like a brute at all, but he's a goddamn assassin when it comes to jiu-jitsu. 0.87

01:20:58.000 Those are my favorite guys who you would think would be like kind of nerds, but they are. 0.98

01:21:04.000 They're like nerd assassins.

01:21:05.000 That's how Eddie always calls them. 0.96

01:21:06.000 He calls them like nerd assassins.

01:21:09.000 Intelligent people that are playing a complicated game.

01:21:12.000 They could have been playing chess, but they instead became a jiu-jitsu person.

01:21:16.000 They could have been a person who's like a champion video game person, but instead it's the same thing.

01:21:21.000 It's like whatever makes you good at golf would also make you good at tennis.

01:21:28.000 There's athletic limitations to some things.

01:21:31.000 To be a really good runner, you have to be fast.

01:21:34.000 There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

01:21:36.000 But there's certain things that when a person gets really fucking good at something, what that is, I think you can apply to anything with passion. 0.99

01:21:46.000 See, this guy's got wild shit. 0.98

01:21:48.000 There's another dude named Jeremiah Vance, and he might be one of the most impressive. 1.00

01:21:53.000 He moves so fast off his back.

01:21:55.000 His back...

01:21:57.000 It's terrifying.

01:21:58.000 When he's on the bottom, which is usually a difficult position to attack from, it's way easier to attack on top because you have gravity on your side.

01:22:06.000 So if you're on top of a person and you're smooshing them, you have gravity on your side.

01:22:10.000 That's an advantage.

01:22:11.000 You have more pressure on them They don't have any pressure on you.

01:22:15.000 So you have to figure out a way to attack someone without any pressure. 0.99

01:22:19.000 Goddamn, look at that. 0.98

01:22:20.000 Yeah, dude, he's a master off his back. 0.98

01:22:23.000 He caught this dude in a fly trap, and he might have been one of the first guys to ever pull this off on a high-level competition.

01:22:30.000 Dude, I'm telling you, Jeremiah Vance is an assassin off his back.

01:22:34.000 But it's like, this is not fundamental jujitsu.

01:22:38.000 This stuff that he's doing right here, this is not the basics.

01:22:41.000 This is some wild variations that these really creative assassins are coming up with. 0.99

01:22:46.000 What you see when you see Brian Ortega, I'm sure Brian could do all that shit if you show him. 0.99

01:22:53.000 I'm sure he could. 0.99

01:22:55.000 I'm sure he already knows it too, but what you see from him is all of the fundamentals, the triangle, the rear naked, the arm bar at razor sharp, razor sharp precision.

01:23:07.000 That's what's amazing.

01:23:09.000 It's not just that he got a mounted guillotine on a world champion, it's the smoothness.

01:23:14.000 Like, watch that.

01:23:14.000 Can you play Brian Ortega's submission attempt on Volkanovski?

01:23:19.000 We can't find it?

01:23:20.000 I think it's on the UFC page.

01:23:24.000 I know Ariel Helwani tweeted it.

01:23:27.000 He tweeted a video.

01:23:28.000 And he said, how?

01:23:29.000 He said, how do you get out?

01:23:31.000 How does someone get out of this?

01:23:32.000 And it's a really good question.

01:23:33.000 Because if you know how good Brian Ortega's jujitsu is, you go, this is insane.

01:23:38.000 This should be checkmate.

01:23:40.000 There's another guy, like Krohn Gracie, who's Hicks and Gracie's son.

01:23:43.000 Krohn Gracie got a guillotine on Cub Swanson. 1.00

01:23:47.000 And Cub Swanson is a legitimate fucking murderer. 1.00

01:23:51.000 He's a killer. 1.00

01:23:53.000 He's really good. 0.99

01:23:54.000 He's good all around.

01:23:56.000 He can knock dudes outstanding.

01:23:57.000 He's a black belt in jujitsu. 1.00

01:23:59.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:24:01.000 He's been around forever. 1.00

01:24:02.000 He's a veteran, just as tough as they come.

01:24:05.000 And Krohn Gracie caught his neck like a crocodile. 1.00

01:24:09.000 It was like a crocodile snatching a wildebeest by the side of a waterhole.

01:24:15.000 Is this it?

01:24:16.000 This is Ortega Volkanovski, and this is the triangle.

01:24:20.000 The fact that he got out of this is just as impressive, so we might as well watch this.

01:24:24.000 Do you know how good that triangle is? 0.87

01:24:26.000 That is so goddamn good, completely locked in. 0.98

01:24:30.000 Ortega's head is fucking purple, and his nickname, T-City, that's Triangle City. 0.99

01:24:35.000 That's Brian Ortega's nickname because he's so good at the triangle. 1.00

01:24:38.000 He had a triangle fully locked in, and Volkanovski is such a bad motherfucker that he got out of it. 0.97

01:24:46.000 And it looked like Ortega was done in the fourth round. 0.98

01:24:49.000 It looked like he was beaten down.

01:24:51.000 And he came back and he won the fifth round.

01:24:53.000 Dude, it was one of the wildest fights I've ever seen in my life.

01:24:56.000 I've called a thousand fights at least.

01:24:59.000 Maybe 1,500, maybe even 2,000.

01:25:02.000 I don't know how many fights I've called. 1.00

01:25:03.000 That, watching that shit from home... 0.99

01:25:06.000 I was like, this is one of the wildest things I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

01:25:08.000 I was screaming.

01:25:09.000 I was probably 500 yards from them at the Park MGM. All I got, I was doing a show at the Park MGM. What time was your show?

01:25:18.000 7 o'clock.

01:25:20.000 Oh, you could have gone.

01:25:21.000 Your show was there, buddy.

01:25:23.000 I know.

01:25:23.000 The fight I wanted to see was Nick and...

01:25:31.000 Yeah, Nick and Robbie Lawler.

01:25:32.000 Nick and Robbie Lawler, that's the one I definitely want to see.

01:25:35.000 Did you see it?

01:25:36.000 No, I didn't.

01:25:36.000 I didn't.

01:25:37.000 I got into the green room and they told me what happened and then I was like...

01:25:40.000 Here's my thought.

01:25:41.000 When people say that he shouldn't have fought, he was doing really well.

01:25:46.000 He was off for six years, and he was doing really well against a world-class, straight-up killer in Robbie Lawler, who used to be the UFC welterweight champion.

01:25:56.000 And Robbie Lawler, you could make an argument he's not in his prime, but he's damn close.

01:26:03.000 He's right there.

01:26:04.000 He's still capable of beating... 1.00

01:26:07.000 A lot of fucking people in the UFC. He's like a top 10 guy for sure. 0.99

01:26:12.000 Robbie Lawler's a kid.

01:26:13.000 Like, what is Robbie Lawler ranked in the UFC's welterweight division?

01:26:17.000 He could beat anybody.

01:26:19.000 All he has to do is, like, you can't look at him by, like, some of the fights that didn't go so good, because, like, you're a professional athlete in a sport that's brutal on your body.

01:26:29.000 But if you look at him, what is he still capable of doing?

01:26:32.000 Like, it's not like he's physically incapacitated.

01:26:34.000 It's not like he's really slowed down that much.

01:26:36.000 It's like, what is he capable of doing?

01:26:37.000 What is he capable of doing this? 0.99

01:26:39.000 Beating the fuck out of people. 0.98

01:26:40.000 I think the level of competition, he's gotten a little older, but the level of competition has also gotten better. 0.97

01:26:46.000 They keep getting better and better and better and better.

01:26:48.000 You get the Tyron Woodleys, and then Kamaru Usman comes along and takes it to another level.

01:26:52.000 It's a wild sport.

01:26:53.000 What's crazy is that, as a simple passerby, is I'm a fan of all of them.

01:26:58.000 Yeah.

01:26:59.000 There's no loser in a fight.

01:27:01.000 And then there's also no, like, I'm still a huge Nick Diaz fan.

01:27:05.000 Yeah, well, of course.

01:27:06.000 That's one of the beautiful things about the sport, is that you don't have to be undefeated to be special.

01:27:10.000 Like, Conor McGregor's lost a bunch of times.

01:27:12.000 He's still the biggest draw in the sport. 0.91

01:27:13.000 I fucking love Conor McGregor. 0.95

01:27:14.000 If Conor McGregor comes back, if he comes back with a metal leg... 0.99

01:27:17.000 And fights now, people will still come to see him by the droves, and they'll sing when he comes out, and the Irish support him to the end.

01:27:25.000 Dude, when he fought Nate Diaz, I mean, like, Jorge Masvidal, I saw a fight on YouTube videos when I was at a fucking Des Moines funny bone, and I texted Tommy, I was like, you gotta check this kid out.

01:27:37.000 The Kimbo Slice ones? 1.00

01:27:38.000 Yeah, the Kimbo Slice ones, yeah. 1.00

01:27:39.000 And so, like, I'm fans of all these guys, so when they...

01:27:44.000 It's like Robbie Lawler and Nick Diaz.

01:27:45.000 I was like, I want them both to win, you know?

01:27:48.000 I agree with what you're saying.

01:27:51.000 I try, even as a commentator, because I'm in a weird spot where I'm talking about the fights, I try to be as neutral as possible.

01:27:57.000 And that's why it was insanely hard when Brendan Schaub was fighting.

01:28:01.000 Dude, that was...

01:28:02.000 Watching Schaub get beat up was some of the hardest...

01:28:05.000 It was so hard for me.

01:28:07.000 It was so hard for me.

01:28:09.000 It was so hard.

01:28:13.000 Because, like, I genuinely love that dude.

01:28:15.000 Yeah.

01:28:16.000 And I saw where this was going. 1.00

01:28:18.000 And I was like, shit. 0.99

01:28:20.000 Like, you gotta get out now. 1.00

01:28:22.000 Like, you gotta get out now.

01:28:23.000 Like, this is not something...

01:28:24.000 There's a point of no return when a guy starts getting KO'd by giants.

01:28:29.000 Mm-hmm.

01:28:30.000 Giants.

01:28:30.000 I mean, like, Ben Rothwell.

01:28:32.000 You ever been around Ben Rothwell?

01:28:35.000 No.

01:28:35.000 You want to feel like a feeble person?

01:28:37.000 No. 0.68

01:28:37.000 Shake hands with Ben Rothwell, and you go, oh, well, you could just eat me if you wanted to. 0.68

01:28:42.000 There's dudes out there like that, like Tom Erickson.

01:28:45.000 He was 300 pounds natural and one of the best wrestlers in MMA. He was 300 pounds.

01:28:52.000 They called him the big cat because he was 300, but that's Ben Rothwell.

01:28:56.000 That's a giant human being that should have a battle axe in his hand.

01:28:59.000 He should be showing up on a boat with one of them dragons at the front of it. 0.99

01:29:02.000 You know those fucking viking boats? 0.99

01:29:04.000 Look at that man. 0.99

01:29:05.000 In another world, that guy would be fucking showing up at the front of the boat and you would have a real problem on your hands. 0.99

01:29:13.000 Jesus, man. 0.99

01:29:15.000 There's a bunch of those dudes, man.

01:29:17.000 I sat with Brendan when he was getting ready to tell a story about fight.

01:29:23.000 He was doing the Ari thing.

01:29:24.000 Yeah.

01:29:25.000 And Ari's like, hit me up. 0.65

01:29:26.000 He's like, hey, man, will you sit with Brendan and help him go over his story, help him figure it out?

01:29:30.000 And he told me the whole story of that fight with Travis Brown.

01:29:34.000 Yeah, Travis Brown.

01:29:36.000 Yeah.

01:29:38.000 It's fucking fascinating when you hear these guys talk about what goes, especially, I think Brandon's, I don't mean this out of disrespect to anyone else, but I think he's a little bit more insightful about the things that maybe I would feel if I walked into the ring, you know? 0.79

01:29:53.000 Like who he sees and what's happening. 0.90

01:29:55.000 Well, he's also honest and he can make fun of himself.

01:29:58.000 Yeah, it's a little more humble in the sense, and it was so connective.

01:30:04.000 We did like an hour...

01:30:07.000 He told me the soul story for an hour, and then we kind of talked about what highlights a good story and what makes a good story. 0.90

01:30:14.000 It was really fucking fascinating. 0.73

01:30:16.000 He's a great dude. 0.98

01:30:18.000 He really is.

01:30:19.000 He's a fun guy to be around.

01:30:20.000 That's why all his friends love him so much.

01:30:23.000 People don't like him because he's, first of all, whether you judge his comedy or judge his podcast or judge whether, you also have to judge how he looks and he's a beautiful man and it's a real problem for people.

01:30:35.000 He's a beautiful man and he's like six foot five.

01:30:37.000 Great head of air. 1.00

01:30:38.000 He's built like a fucking Adonis. 1.00

01:30:40.000 It really is. 1.00

01:30:41.000 It really makes people uncomfortable, me included.

01:30:42.000 I'm his friend.

01:30:45.000 He just has massive advantage.

01:30:47.000 You get a hate on him, but he's a great guy.

01:30:50.000 If you just know him, he's a great guy.

01:30:52.000 And I saw him getting hurt, and I was like, he doesn't really want to do this anymore, but he's doing this.

01:31:00.000 It's incomparable, because my martial arts competition days were very insignificant.

01:31:06.000 In comparison to his.

01:31:07.000 He knocked out Cro Cop. 0.85

01:31:09.000 He knocked out Minotauri.

01:31:10.000 So I'm not trying to compare myself to him, but I'm going to compare a moment in my life where I knew I had to stop competing.

01:31:17.000 Because I wasn't really doing it anymore.

01:31:20.000 I was training, sort of, but I was also doing stand-up comedy and I was working all day and I kind of knew that I had to get out.

01:31:28.000 But it was my identity.

01:31:29.000 And I was 21 years old and I hadn't really figured out how to make real plans for myself.

01:31:35.000 And I was realizing that I was training and competing with people that were way more into it than I was.

01:31:43.000 And I realized, oh my god, I'm not into it the same way I used to be.

01:31:46.000 Like, I forgot what it was like when I was at my peak when I was 19, when I was...

01:31:52.000 I literally have no problems in the world. 1.00

01:31:54.000 I was young and stupid. 0.98

01:31:55.000 I was out of high school, so I didn't have to go to school anymore. 1.00

01:31:58.000 And I was taking a year off of school before I went to college.

01:32:01.000 And I had all this time to just train.

01:32:04.000 And I was obsessed, and that's all I did was train all day.

01:32:07.000 But by the time I was 21, dude, I was training like four days a week, maybe five, and I wasn't training like it was my whole life.

01:32:15.000 I was doing it because it was like a thing that I always did.

01:32:17.000 And then I was fighting.

01:32:19.000 And then I realized it, I was like, I gotta stop now, or I'm gonna get my brain scrambled.

01:32:23.000 Because I'm meeting people who are like I used to be, but I'm not like them anymore.

01:32:28.000 I had lost the obsession.

01:32:30.000 I knew that Schaub lost the obsession.

01:32:33.000 I knew that he was a great athlete early on in his career.

01:32:36.000 He's way better at what he does now.

01:32:38.000 He's way better at what he does now.

01:32:40.000 He's a great fighter, dude.

01:32:41.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:32:42.000 He choked out Matt Mitrione. 1.00

01:32:44.000 People give him shit. 1.00

01:32:46.000 For what he did, Matt Mitrione is a fucking pro football player athlete with serious knockout power. 1.00

01:32:52.000 Like, serious fucking KO power. 0.99

01:32:53.000 He've KO'd Fedor, okay? 1.00

01:32:56.000 Wow.

01:32:56.000 Yes, exactly.

01:32:57.000 And Brendan Schaub choked him the fuck out. 0.83

01:33:00.000 And he can do that. 0.96

01:33:01.000 He's really good.

01:33:02.000 I mean, knocked out Krokop.

01:33:04.000 Crow Cop is legitimately one of the best strikers to ever fight in MMA. And granted, it was Crow Cop later in his life. 0.68

01:33:12.000 Granted, it was Crow Cop after he had these wars in pride and then came over to the UFC. And he had... 0.76

01:33:18.000 It's just being a human.

01:33:20.000 Getting hit a bunch of times.

01:33:21.000 You lose something somewhere along the way. 0.99

01:33:24.000 So I don't think that was the Crow Cop that fought Fedor the first time, but it was still motherfucking Crow Cop. 1.00

01:33:29.000 And Brandon Schaub KO'd him. 0.94

01:33:31.000 So it's like...

01:33:33.000 He had it at one time.

01:33:34.000 But you can see when fighters don't have it anymore when it becomes a job.

01:33:38.000 Like Joseph Benavidez just retired and one of the things that he said was that he realized he was not going to get a chance to fight for the world title again and he didn't want MMA to be just a job.

01:33:47.000 And it's a brilliant thing to say because it's brutally honest.

01:33:50.000 It's brutally honest.

01:33:52.000 And it takes a sensitive, intelligent person like him.

01:33:55.000 He goes, I don't want this to be a job.

01:33:56.000 I wanted to be the best in the world.

01:33:58.000 He was very close to being the best in the world.

01:34:00.000 He was most certainly number two for quite a long time.

01:34:03.000 Maybe even was number one, but he didn't get a shot.

01:34:05.000 It was like, you got a window as an athlete. 0.98

01:34:10.000 To be at your best before the tissue, just the RPMs and the fucking trauma of just, even just regular training, even if you're just not even getting hit, just regular training, just hitting the bag, just fucking doing CrossFit, 0.77

01:34:25.000 just doing those kind of like kettlebell exercises and plyos and jump and box jumps, your tissue is getting stressed. 0.76

01:34:32.000 Everywhere.

01:34:33.000 How long can you do that for?

01:34:34.000 Like that hardcore at a world-class level?

01:34:36.000 You might have ten years in you.

01:34:38.000 You know, they say fighters, they have like nine years.

01:34:40.000 So wait, here's my question is like, what percentage of fighters that get that...

01:34:47.000 This is a tough question.

01:34:50.000 Meaning, what's the percentage of fighters that get into the UFC that fighters that try to get into the UFC? Is it like baseball?

01:34:58.000 Because every kid plays baseball growing up.

01:35:00.000 Well, I think baseball's most certainly more popular than the UFC because it's in colleges, it's in high schools.

01:35:06.000 There's like a direct path, right, to be an ace high school player.

01:35:09.000 You get into a good college and a scholarship, you kick ass in that college, you get drafted by the Yankees.

01:35:14.000 I mean, there's a direct path, right?

01:35:16.000 There's not such a direct path as an MMA fighter.

01:35:18.000 It's more complicated.

01:35:20.000 It's more complicated because I look at...

01:35:21.000 I just started following Patty Pimblinton.

01:35:25.000 Patty the Batty! 0.99

01:35:26.000 I just like him.

01:35:27.000 Right away, one fight!

01:35:29.000 Dude, I just immediately like the kid and I go, I want to see more of him, you know?

01:35:32.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

01:35:34.000 One fight in the UFC. Sean O'Malley, too, though.

01:35:36.000 Sean O'Malley, I just...

01:35:38.000 I see the one fight, I think he hurt his foot, right?

01:35:40.000 Oh, dude, Sean O'Malley is special.

01:35:42.000 He's special.

01:35:43.000 He's special.

01:35:43.000 I love watching that dude fight.

01:35:45.000 He is a uniquely confident, wild motherfucker who's super creative, and he's fucking... 0.99

01:35:52.000 Look, man, he's... 1.00

01:35:54.000 He's insanely good.

01:35:55.000 He's still getting better too, man.

01:35:58.000 That's the wild thing about that dude. 0.97

01:36:00.000 Thomas Almeida, that dude he just fucked up, you have to understand who Thomas Almeida is. 0.63

01:36:05.000 Before Cody Garbrandt knocked out Thomas Almeida, Thomas Almeida was one of the best Like, shots to be a world champion. 0.83

01:36:14.000 Like, you looked at him when he was coming up, when he was dominating people, when he'd get caught and hurt and still come back and knock guys out.

01:36:22.000 He was a gladiator.

01:36:23.000 Thomas Almeida was, like, he was someone to watch. 0.99

01:36:26.000 And then Cody Garbrandt put the fucking knuckles to him. 0.99

01:36:29.000 In an insane way with this sidestep footwork beautiful boxing hit about a perfect place right hand and knocked him out I mean Cody Garbrandt just fucked him up. 0.99

01:36:38.000 It was wild to see because Garbrandt and Thomas Almeida at that time were both thought to be kind of on that same level like guys who are rising to the title and Thomas Almeida Was fucking dangerous man for Cody to fuck him up that way was really super impressive. 0.62

01:36:54.000 Yeah, so when you see Sean O'Malley fight Thomas Almeida and just pitch a shutout.

01:37:01.000 Just a wild shutout.

01:37:04.000 And the pace is insane.

01:37:06.000 And KO him really kind of twice.

01:37:09.000 I could have stopped him at one point in time, and the referee let him go on, and then he literally says to him, like, he puts his hands up, he goes, okay, and then he knocks him out when he's on the ground. 0.98

01:37:18.000 It was wild shit. 0.99

01:37:20.000 Wild. 1.00

01:37:21.000 I saw Jamie Kilstein do a breakdown of that fight or talk about that fight.

01:37:25.000 Dude, Shawn is insanely accurate.

01:37:28.000 His timing is just spectacular.

01:37:31.000 My point is...

01:37:31.000 So wait, hang on.

01:37:33.000 Here's my question.

01:37:33.000 So those guys that come in, and I mean this respectfully, Balls are blazing.

01:37:39.000 Sean O'Malley, Patty Pimblinton, Conor McGregor.

01:37:43.000 These guys that just show up with so much confidence.

01:37:46.000 How much confidence is walking into the ring, how much success is walking into the ring with that much confidence, that much balls, that much like Nick Diaz on his back giving the birds, or on his back going like, come on, get me, get me.

01:37:59.000 Or his brother giving the birds.

01:38:00.000 It certainly means something.

01:38:02.000 Confidence means something. 0.99

01:38:03.000 But you can have all the confidence in the world and you fight Anderson Silva in his prime and you're still fucked. 0.99

01:38:09.000 It doesn't mean jack shit. 0.99

01:38:10.000 The most important thing is skill.

01:38:13.000 Like a lot of guys have confidence.

01:38:14.000 Like all these guys having confidence is big.

01:38:17.000 It's a big part of the equation.

01:38:18.000 But it's so much fun to watch them.

01:38:20.000 But it's got...

01:38:21.000 They have everything, right?

01:38:22.000 Like, O'Malley's got a weird personality that, like, is compelling.

01:38:25.000 So does, you know, there's a lot of guys like that.

01:38:27.000 They have personalities that want to...

01:38:29.000 Cowboy.

01:38:29.000 Yeah.

01:38:30.000 It's fucking compelling as a motherfucker. 1.00

01:38:32.000 Patty Pemberton. 1.00

01:38:33.000 Something about his haircut.

01:38:34.000 I want to follow him.

01:38:35.000 Dude, I followed him?

01:38:36.000 I followed him as another guy in open tabs I didn't talk about because I was like, I don't know how these guys received that, but I just fucking watched every video about the guy.

01:38:43.000 Do you know fighters got upset by how popular he was getting?

01:38:46.000 They were making all these memes where they were putting his hair on a bunch of different fighters.

01:38:51.000 Are you serious?

01:38:52.000 Yeah, there was a whole series of them that were going around.

01:38:54.000 I don't know if fighters were doing it or if other people online were doing it, but it was really funny.

01:38:58.000 Who's the guy that he...

01:38:59.000 He's from the same town as that guy.

01:39:01.000 He's got the same type of accent.

01:39:02.000 Liverpool.

01:39:03.000 Darren Till.

01:39:04.000 Darren Till.

01:39:05.000 Dude, Darren Till.

01:39:06.000 I got into that guy.

01:39:08.000 Yeah, he's a fascinating guy, too. 0.99

01:39:09.000 He's funny as shit. 0.96

01:39:10.000 You know, he fought that last fight with a torn ACL. He should not have fought. 1.00

01:39:13.000 Yeah, he should have got surgery on his knee.

01:39:15.000 But if you look at him, he didn't look nearly as impressive as he generally does. 0.99

01:39:20.000 You know, he's a really fucking dangerous striker.

01:39:22.000 Darren Till's beaten Cowboy Cerrone in his UFC, like, his real breakout fight. 0.98

01:39:27.000 He had a couple of fights in the UFC before that.

01:39:30.000 But he knocked out...

01:39:32.000 He beat Kelvin Gastelum. 0.99

01:39:35.000 Damn, I forgot about that one. 0.99

01:39:37.000 Lost to Robert Whittaker. 0.99

01:39:43.000 I mean, he's a really good fighter.

01:39:46.000 The big one was the Woodley fight, because he had beaten Cerrone by KO. That was his big breakout fight.

01:39:51.000 And then he beat Wonderboy Thompson, who's one of the best strikers in the UFC. And then he fought Woodley, but Woodley beat him.

01:39:57.000 And then he realized that he was too small, and Woodley beat him pretty handily.

01:40:00.000 He knocked him down and strangled him.

01:40:01.000 And then he realized he had to go up to 185, because he was a big dude.

01:40:05.000 I remember the first time I saw him, I was standing next to him in the hallway. 0.92

01:40:07.000 I was like, how the fuck does that guy make 170? 0.99

01:40:10.000 He was so big. 0.99

01:40:11.000 But there's a lot of those dudes just, They just dehydrate the shit out of themselves, weaken themselves, and then try to recover as much as possible in 24 hours. 0.94

01:40:20.000 I don't know how they do that. 0.99

01:40:21.000 We did the weight loss challenge, and I was like, I can't fucking... 0.98

01:40:24.000 I can barely eat pizza. 0.97

01:40:26.000 Yeah, you were almost dead by the end of it.

01:40:28.000 My point was, why was I talking about Darren Till?

01:40:31.000 What was I saying about him?

01:40:32.000 Because he's from the same place.

01:40:33.000 He's from Liverpool, yeah.

01:40:35.000 Oh, that he tore his ACL. Oh, yeah.

01:40:38.000 So his last fight... 0.56

01:40:40.000 Think I don't think it was very many weeks out like maybe two weeks or so out he tore his ACL in training and They were gonna pull out of the fight, but he said let me see what I can do with my ACL all fucked up Not making excuses for the dude. 1.00

01:40:55.000 I like that shit. 1.00

01:40:56.000 I like that shit. 1.00

01:40:57.000 Yeah, there's a certain thing of I don't know. 1.00

01:41:01.000 I like that shit. 1.00

01:41:02.000 When guys fight injured? 1.00

01:41:04.000 Hey, Darren, I apologize for what I'm about to say.

01:41:06.000 He doesn't mean the apology, I'm telling you right now.

01:41:09.000 When we were shooting my movie, I had torn my tricep, right?

01:41:14.000 Right.

01:41:15.000 And we had a fight scene left to go.

01:41:17.000 And I was just like...

01:41:18.000 And I was like, I should be good.

01:41:20.000 And I do the fight scene, I do the fight scene, and I grab the guy, and I hear three pops, like, dot, dot, dot. 1.00

01:41:26.000 And I'm like, oh, fuck. 0.99

01:41:27.000 I think it just went off the bone. 0.99

01:41:28.000 Like, it's now retracting.

01:41:31.000 And listen, once again, Darren Till, much respect, but I was like...

01:41:35.000 I got that same who's gonna carry the boats mentality. 0.99

01:41:38.000 And I look at the director and I go, and I know this is bullshit, pussy, Hollywood stuff, but I go, let's get the fight scene. 1.00

01:41:43.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:41:44.000 I'm going into surgery. 1.00

01:41:45.000 Let's get our fucking fight scene. 1.00

01:41:46.000 And I fucking threw punches. 1.00

01:41:49.000 With your left arm? 1.00

01:41:50.000 The one that would hurt?

01:41:51.000 With my left arm. 1.00

01:41:51.000 Yeah, because I had to throw fucking hooks into the rib cage. 1.00

01:41:55.000 Did you worry about it breaking off and flying across the room? 0.99

01:41:58.000 Who's going to carry the boats, Joe?

01:42:00.000 Who's going to carry the boats?

01:42:02.000 And let me tell you something. 0.99

01:42:03.000 All these motherfuckers I've talked about, when I'm shooting that movie, in my head, I'm like, do you give them a chance to do it? 0.98

01:42:07.000 Brian will tell you, you give them a chance to do the movie I just did, and he could do those fight scenes way better than I did. 0.99

01:42:12.000 You think he'd fucking tear a fucking tricep and go, hey guys, I've got to tap out. 0.98

01:42:17.000 Yeah, he might. 1.00

01:42:18.000 He has a goddamn career in the UFC. Yeah, but I fucking went hard as fuck. 1.00

01:42:24.000 If you're a professional athlete and you tear your tricep in a movie, just stop. 1.00

01:42:28.000 Stop filming the fucking movie. 1.00

01:42:30.000 I fucking blew the fuck out of this arm. 1.00

01:42:32.000 Well, that's good for you, man, that you gutted it through. 0.99

01:42:35.000 I was like, dude, I was like, you get one shot at these things, I'm gonna fucking put everything into it. 0.78

01:42:40.000 And it's fun to watch these guys go at it because, you know, I realized just how much I couldn't fight. 0.74

01:42:47.000 Like, just because you have to do...

01:42:48.000 If that's what you really wanted to do, you could do it.

01:42:52.000 And I don't mean this disrespectfully, but I mean you could definitely do it.

01:42:56.000 There's a lot of people who could do it.

01:42:58.000 It's like, where are you now and how far would you have to travel in your mind to get to the place where you could do it?

01:43:05.000 But the idea that you couldn't do that and couldn't get there is nonsense.

01:43:08.000 But throwing punches is not as...

01:43:10.000 I think a lot of men...

01:43:12.000 I watch a lot of these football stadium fights.

01:43:16.000 Oh, in the crowd?

01:43:17.000 Yeah, and you see these guys throw punches, and you go, oh, if I knew you were going to throw those punches, I wouldn't mind fighting with you. 0.98

01:43:22.000 Yeah, but there's also guys who will knock you the fuck out in those stands. 0.99

01:43:25.000 Well, yeah, but these fucking guys, these guys in the Cowboys jerseys, I didn't see any punch I wouldn't be afraid of. 0.99

01:43:30.000 Like, they're like these Rams guys. 1.00

01:43:32.000 But you're taking a chance.

01:43:33.000 You're taking a chance.

01:43:34.000 You're taking a chance, you're going to run into Joe Schilling in a bar.

01:43:36.000 But I know...

01:43:37.000 Oh, dude.

01:43:39.000 Was that not beautiful?

01:43:41.000 Was that not beautiful?

01:43:42.000 You do not get frisky with literally one of the best strikers on planet Earth.

01:43:49.000 It was so quickly. 1.00

01:43:50.000 Can you imagine you're an asshole talking shit at a bar and you accidentally do it to Joe Schilling? 1.00

01:43:56.000 You accidentally do it to a world Muay Thai champion? 1.00

01:43:59.000 It was so quick. 0.99

01:44:01.000 I mean, of all the fucking terrible roads to go down... 0.99

01:44:05.000 Oh, that was so... 0.99

01:44:06.000 It happened so quickly that you go...

01:44:09.000 It's so funny when you watch someone throw a punch who knows what they're doing.

01:44:12.000 And you go, oh, that guy's punched before.

01:44:15.000 Yeah, not just knows what he's doing.

01:44:16.000 He's a world champion.

01:44:18.000 He's an assassin. 1.00

01:44:19.000 He's a terrifying human. 0.98

01:44:21.000 I wish I'd been the bar back. 0.97

01:44:23.000 Oh, my God.

01:44:23.000 Just standing in that little perfect spot where you heard the guy say what he said.

01:44:27.000 You know he said something.

01:44:28.000 I don't know.

01:44:29.000 He did something too.

01:44:30.000 He didn't just say something.

01:44:32.000 He bumped his chest forward towards him.

01:44:35.000 Like he bowed up on him.

01:44:37.000 Like he was going to swing on him or something. 0.99

01:44:39.000 You can't make a sharp, quick move when you're talking shit with a world champion fighter. 0.99

01:44:45.000 He's not going to let you hit him. 0.99

01:44:46.000 The thing about sucker punches, and this is something that people have to realize in any encounter.

01:44:51.000 I'm not encouraging trained killers to go out and beat on people in bars.

01:44:56.000 But what I'm saying is, the problem with sucker punching, you're gonna see it right here, like Joe just tried to walk by him, he doesn't say anything, and the guy says something and Joe turns around, and he does that.

01:45:07.000 Where he bows on him and Joe just hits him with like four punches while he's like falling.

01:45:16.000 It's like you can't just bow up on people because the problem with sucker punches is if a guy can punch, and it could be some random person, there's a lot of random people out there.

01:45:27.000 They might not be trained strikers, they might not be world champion kickboxers, but they know how to throw a punch.

01:45:33.000 It's like a lot of kids know how to throw a baseball.

01:45:35.000 If your uncle taught you to throw a punch, you could throw a good right hand.

01:45:39.000 If you just sucker punch someone out of nowhere, just throw a punch at them, they don't realize you're punching them until it's too late.

01:45:47.000 Because reaction time is way slower than action time.

01:45:51.000 It's a flaw in the human neurosystem.

01:45:53.000 If I go to slap you, you don't realize I'm slapping you until it's too late. 0.82

01:45:58.000 Until I've already been slapped. 0.82

01:45:59.000 Because there's a reaction time. 0.99

01:46:00.000 You have instincts that people build in that enhance that reaction time, but the reality of a sucker punch is if you're close enough to someone and they say something to you and you don't expect it, there's some rudeness and they throw a punch You can get knocked the fuck out. 0.99

01:46:18.000 Anybody can get knocked the fuck out. 0.98

01:46:20.000 Anybody can. 0.94

01:46:21.000 Anybody can.

01:46:22.000 Joe has lost by knockout in crazy fights.

01:46:26.000 You've got to think of all the people.

01:46:27.000 Anderson Silva's lost by knockouts.

01:46:30.000 A lot of people.

01:46:30.000 Fedor lost by knockouts.

01:46:32.000 Human beings can get knocked out.

01:46:33.000 Some of the best ever can get knocked out.

01:46:35.000 And if some guy just flexes on you, you don't know what he's going to do next.

01:46:39.000 You have no idea.

01:46:41.000 And he didn't have an idea either.

01:46:42.000 That guy did not see that coming.

01:46:45.000 I bet he woke up and he was like, did we do shots?

01:46:46.000 What happened?

01:46:47.000 He was one of Nick's training partners.

01:46:49.000 He's been a training partner of Nick's forever.

01:46:51.000 Nick?

01:46:52.000 Nick Diaz.

01:46:53.000 That guy?

01:46:53.000 Joe Schilling.

01:46:54.000 Oh my god, I thought you meant the guy that got knocked out. 1.00

01:46:55.000 I was like, wait, what the fuck? 0.99

01:46:57.000 Joe Schilling. 1.00

01:46:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:58.000 He was there at the Diaz fight.

01:47:00.000 And, you know, my thing about Nick Diaz is like, when I looked at him physically, I was like, I don't know how much he's been training.

01:47:08.000 Like, when Nick was in his prime...

01:47:12.000 He was, like, really lean.

01:47:14.000 And he was, you know, I mean, he's definitely like an older guy now.

01:47:17.000 How old, though?

01:47:18.000 I think he's like 30. I don't know.

01:47:20.000 How old?

01:47:21.000 38. 38?

01:47:22.000 Is he really?

01:47:23.000 Yeah.

01:47:23.000 But the thing is, like, I don't think you can just jump back in that easy after six years out of the sport.

01:47:30.000 I think you'd probably need more time to prepare. 0.98

01:47:32.000 He kind of got fucked, right? 0.97

01:47:34.000 Well, I don't know how much time he had to prepare and why they agreed to do a fight on short notice. 0.97

01:47:39.000 Because I think it was only like six weeks notice, which I think...

01:47:43.000 It's fine if you're Michael Chandler, if you're in peak form right now and you're ready to go and someone gives you six weeks, I bet you can get ready for a fight.

01:47:51.000 But if you're a guy who's been off for that long, you're going to need more time, I think.

01:47:55.000 I'm just guessing.

01:47:56.000 I don't know how much time it took him.

01:47:59.000 My point was, he didn't do that bad for a guy that was out six months.

01:48:04.000 You know, Robbie Lawler was pressuring him, and he was putting it on him, and he was definitely getting the better of the exchanges.

01:48:10.000 But it's not like Nick Diaz didn't have his moments, and he definitely did.

01:48:14.000 He would just have to have really, like, way more time to prepare.

01:48:18.000 And he would have to really be, like, ready to go.

01:48:22.000 Like the old Nick Diaz.

01:48:23.000 Like the Nick Diaz that fought Anderson Silva.

01:48:25.000 Like the Nick Diaz that fought George St. Pierre.

01:48:28.000 Like the Nick Diaz that fought Paul Daly in Strikeforce. 1.00

01:48:31.000 I mean, that dude was a fucking killer. 0.99

01:48:33.000 It's just like, can he still do that at 38? 1.00

01:48:36.000 Well...

01:48:37.000 Maybe, we don't know, if you just have one fight.

01:48:39.000 You need time.

01:48:40.000 If your body hasn't been used to this stuff and you haven't been training as much as you were when you were in your prime, if you still want to do it again, like legitimately, physically, you probably can.

01:48:50.000 But it's like, you know, you've run a marathon.

01:48:53.000 When you start out and you run a mile and you're dead, and you're like, I can't believe anybody can run 26 of those.

01:48:58.000 But if you do it over and over and over again, you build up.

01:49:03.000 I don't think Nick Diaz had a chance to build back up after being off for that much time.

01:49:07.000 I think you get back to where he was Nick Diaz in his best, he's gotta have some time. 0.98

01:49:13.000 Those Diaz brothers were great for their fucking pace. 0.99

01:49:16.000 They could last the whole fucking fight because of their cardio. 1.00

01:49:19.000 Well, they're always into triathlons and shit. 1.00

01:49:21.000 They got Crone Gracie into that, too. 1.00

01:49:23.000 Really?

01:49:23.000 Yeah, it's one of the reasons why he's so good.

01:49:26.000 His cardio is amazing, too.

01:49:27.000 I did a triathlon.

01:49:27.000 Most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.

01:49:29.000 Oh, my God, man.

01:49:30.000 I'm running the New York City Marathon.

01:49:31.000 When's that?

01:49:32.000 November 6th.

01:49:34.000 How are you doing that like this?

01:49:35.000 I don't know, Joe. 1.00

01:49:36.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

01:49:37.000 You want to pulverize your knees? 1.00

01:49:37.000 You saw Nick step into the cage? 1.00

01:49:40.000 I'll figure it out.

01:49:42.000 Robbie Lawler won't be there.

01:49:43.000 Why don't you just make yourself smaller first?

01:49:47.000 I don't know.

01:49:47.000 We should do another cocktail.

01:49:49.000 I'm gonna try to lose weight.

01:49:50.000 I'm gonna try lose weight, but you know, here's the thing about like, what's this?

01:49:57.000 I have some new whiskey.

01:49:58.000 Oh, what's this?

01:49:59.000 This is what Canadians get drunk. 1.00

01:50:02.000 I believe this is a gift from Eliza.

01:50:05.000 Oh, great.

01:50:06.000 Wasn't it?

01:50:07.000 I think so.

01:50:07.000 I think so, yes.

01:50:09.000 Thank you, Eliza.

01:50:10.000 Look, she loves you, dude.

01:50:12.000 Eliza and I are very cool.

01:50:13.000 It was a mistake.

01:50:14.000 Very cool.

01:50:15.000 I love Eliza.

01:50:16.000 She thought she, you know, at times we get caught, we thought we had an idea that was in your head.

01:50:21.000 If you tried to go through all the times I thought I came up with something, come on.

01:50:25.000 I do it all the time.

01:50:26.000 I'm horrible. 1.00

01:50:27.000 I'm fucking horrible. 0.99

01:50:29.000 Yeah, I'm consistently wrong. 0.99

01:50:31.000 That's what I love about you is that you say something and then you don't apologize.

01:50:36.000 You go, hey, this is who I am, man.

01:50:38.000 If you just showed up to a dance and then said, hey, that guy can't dance.

01:50:41.000 You go, yeah, that's why we're here.

01:50:42.000 Yeah, I don't know how to dance. 0.99

01:50:44.000 I don't know how to fucking dance either. 0.96

01:50:45.000 Well, when I'm talking about ideas and people are like, oh, you shouldn't express that because you're not an expert in that field. 0.98

01:50:52.000 Okay, for sure.

01:50:54.000 But this is what I'm saying.

01:50:55.000 Don't listen to me.

01:50:58.000 Don't take my advice.

01:50:59.000 But this is my opinion.

01:51:00.000 Okay.

01:51:01.000 I'm not be wrong.

01:51:02.000 I'm open to being wrong.

01:51:04.000 I love being wrong.

01:51:05.000 I really do.

01:51:07.000 Tell me what's wrong.

01:51:09.000 Why are we deciding that people can't just talk about things?

01:51:14.000 I'm not an expert.

01:51:15.000 I shouldn't be considered an expert. 0.98

01:51:17.000 If you think that I shouldn't be able to shoot the shit with my friends like I would in private, but let you listen, you don't have to listen. 0.99

01:51:26.000 But this is what we do. 0.99

01:51:28.000 This is what we've done from the beginning. 0.99

01:51:30.000 Like if you go back to the fucking snowflake days. 0.99

01:51:32.000 Dude, I said non-stop. 0.99

01:51:35.000 I remember...

01:51:36.000 You said something, and everyone's coming to me like, what do you think about what Joe said?

01:51:41.000 And I go...

01:51:42.000 Oh, it's Ivermectin.

01:51:46.000 And I was on a podcast with Drew, and he goes, so what did you think about that?

01:51:50.000 And I was like, oh yeah, I'm glad you guys know my friend now.

01:51:53.000 I go, this is who he is.

01:51:55.000 He's always been at the forefront of anything. 1.00

01:51:58.000 Alpha brain, fucking cortisol mushrooms. 0.98

01:52:02.000 You've always been curious about all that stuff. 0.99

01:52:04.000 Ever since that guy Bill Romanowski hit you up and talked about...

01:52:07.000 Yes, Neuro One.

01:52:08.000 Neuro One.

01:52:09.000 And I go, yeah, that's who my friend is.

01:52:11.000 I go, listen, I get...

01:52:13.000 How many times have you told me this is what you need to do?

01:52:15.000 Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

01:52:16.000 And then I go, okay.

01:52:17.000 And I go, that's who Joe is.

01:52:19.000 And I'm shocked that people are showing up to the dance now and going, I can't believe this is what he said.

01:52:24.000 And I go...

01:52:24.000 Well, the thing is, they're saying that I shouldn't have been saying that I took a drug that they don't think should be taken for a disease.

01:52:33.000 I'm not judging anybody. 0.98

01:52:35.000 If that's earnestly what you were told in the way it was described to you, it would sound ridiculous that some fucking meathead dummy who used to host Fear Factor and he's a cage fighting commentator... 0.99

01:52:49.000 I was telling people that he took a horse dewormer. 1.00

01:52:52.000 I'd be like, that fucking moron. 1.00

01:52:54.000 I get it. 1.00

01:52:55.000 But this is what you probably need to know.

01:52:58.000 And I'm going to send this to Jamie.

01:53:00.000 And I'm not saying...

01:53:02.000 I'm going to be really clear with this.

01:53:04.000 I'm not saying that I think that you should do anything with your life.

01:53:10.000 Whether it's get vaccinated or don't...

01:53:13.000 I am not saying any of that.

01:53:15.000 I am just sending you something.

01:53:18.000 And I would do this if you were my friend.

01:53:20.000 I would do this and I would go, what is this?

01:53:22.000 And I would talk to people, luckily because of this podcast, I get to talk to people who are like legitimate scientists.

01:53:28.000 And I ask them about the data.

01:53:29.000 I'm like, can you sort this out?

01:53:31.000 This is from, was this from June?

01:53:34.000 Of 2020?

01:53:36.000 Is that what it says?

01:53:37.000 Okay, June of 2020. It says, scroll, the FDA-approved drug ivermectin inhibits the replication of SARS-CoV-2 in vitro.

01:53:46.000 What that means is that when they put it in, it was in a laboratory, in a laboratory setting, they showed that this ivermectin, this Medication that they've used for river blindness and all sorts of parasites.

01:54:04.000 They use it in Africa.

01:54:06.000 Literally, it's been given out billions of doses.

01:54:11.000 B.I. Billions.

01:54:14.000 It says that it was an inhibitor of COVID-19 causative virus in vitro, a single treatment able to affect, I don't know what that squiggly line is, 5,000-fold reduction in virus in 48 hours in cell culture.

01:54:28.000 That doesn't mean in humans.

01:54:30.000 It doesn't always work in humans.

01:54:31.000 Sometimes when they do things in labs, it doesn't work on people.

01:54:34.000 I'm not saying it does.

01:54:36.000 Ivermectin is FDA approved for parasitic infections and therefore has a potential for repurposing.

01:54:41.000 Ivermectin is widely available due to its inclusion in the World Health Organization's model list of essential medicines.

01:54:47.000 So it's an essential medicine in the World Health Organization's list.

01:54:52.000 There's studies that show that at least in cells, in a laboratory setting, It inhibits the growth of the virus.

01:55:01.000 But yet, people will say you're taking horse tranquilizers or medication that's not for humans.

01:55:08.000 Like, what is happening here?

01:55:10.000 What is going on there?

01:55:11.000 Well, I'll tell you.

01:55:12.000 I'll tell you.

01:55:12.000 I don't know anything about ivermectin.

01:55:15.000 I will say...

01:55:16.000 I don't either.

01:55:16.000 I will say that...

01:55:17.000 I want to say I don't either. 0.99

01:55:19.000 I'm just saying shit that I've read. 0.99

01:55:21.000 I don't... 0.99

01:55:21.000 Like, if you ask me what I know, I don't know who's right. 0.99

01:55:25.000 I don't know what's right.

01:55:26.000 I have a doctor.

01:55:27.000 One of my doctors said to me, you know, I get my heart checked up every nine months, getting ready to go on tour, we do a physical.

01:55:36.000 I said, hey man, you know, Joe's my friend, but like, tell me what, and he goes, number one, a protocol is a great thing to have.

01:55:43.000 A protocol for if and when you get the disease is a great thing to have.

01:55:46.000 That's what Joe had.

01:55:47.000 You had a protocol set up, right? 0.97

01:55:49.000 Like mononucleosis or whatever the fuck it was. 0.92

01:55:52.000 Yeah, that's it. 1.00

01:55:53.000 I said, hey, get me that, the NADS drip, all the shit you had. 0.99

01:56:00.000 What I find fascinating is that he goes, hey man, this is a doctor I have that I trust? 1.00

01:56:08.000 Yes.

01:56:08.000 He goes, I don't know.

01:56:09.000 Seems to be fine.

01:56:11.000 And then he tells me other stuff, and then you're like, okay.

01:56:14.000 And you hear so much stuff from other people where it's like, hey man, you need to get the booster of Johnson& Johnson's.

01:56:19.000 Hey, this ivermectin works, or the mononucleosis works, or all these things work. 0.85

01:56:24.000 Then I go, I don't know who to fucking listen to anymore. 0.83

01:56:27.000 It's hard. 0.97

01:56:28.000 Listen, they're figuring it out as the pandemic escalates and as the pandemic evolves.

01:56:34.000 They're figuring it out.

01:56:35.000 Like, I don't think it does anybody any good to get upset at people for making the wrong decisions at any point during this very confusing time, including the people that, look, there's people that thought everyone had to be on a ventilator.

01:56:50.000 It turns out that's not true at all.

01:56:52.000 It turns out that was, correct me if I'm wrong, that was bad.

01:56:54.000 Yes, it turned out to be bad.

01:56:56.000 Yeah, it turns out that when you put some people on ventilators...

01:56:59.000 They don't come back.

01:57:00.000 Yeah, I don't know why.

01:57:01.000 Allegedly, I don't know.

01:57:02.000 But I think it was like a crazy number.

01:57:03.000 Like 80% of the people they put on ventilators didn't make it.

01:57:06.000 I don't know if they wouldn't have made it anyway, right?

01:57:09.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:57:10.000 This is just shit that I read. 1.00

01:57:13.000 It's just like, they learn as this thing goes along. 1.00

01:57:16.000 They figure out as this thing goes along.

01:57:19.000 In the beginning we thought it was on surfaces, then they realized it's not on surfaces.

01:57:22.000 But we have to be like really careful in not, like even if you get upset at me and you don't like me and what I stand for, I'm a meathead, I'm a dummy, all those things that I understand.

01:57:35.000 You got to separate me from what I said.

01:57:40.000 I'm not saying it because it's my idea.

01:57:43.000 I'm saying it because some brilliant doctors that have helped treat people told me that.

01:57:49.000 And I read a lot of papers on this.

01:57:52.000 I'm like, well, what is this really?

01:57:54.000 Why has it been so effective in certain states in India?

01:57:58.000 Why has it been so effective?

01:57:59.000 There's real interesting aspects of this.

01:58:03.000 And the fact that it would get dismissed Horse medication just shows you how fucking weird of a time we're in. 0.91

01:58:11.000 It's a weird ass time. 0.95

01:58:13.000 It's very strange. 0.99

01:58:14.000 Because here's what nobody gave a fuck about. 0.95

01:58:16.000 I got better in five days. 0.96

01:58:19.000 I was aware of that.

01:58:20.000 I think everyone was a little bit aware of that.

01:58:22.000 But that's never discussed.

01:58:24.000 People say I take horse medication.

01:58:26.000 I got better in five days.

01:58:28.000 And you tested negative in like, what, six?

01:58:30.000 Five days.

01:58:31.000 Five days.

01:58:31.000 But it wasn't that stuff.

01:58:34.000 I don't think it was any one thing.

01:58:35.000 It was a bunch of things, including the monoclonal antibodies.

01:58:38.000 That was a big thing.

01:58:38.000 Monoclonal, that's it.

01:58:39.000 I think also the NAD drips.

01:58:44.000 And the vitamin drips that I did every day.

01:58:46.000 And I'm not saying that everybody has access to this.

01:58:48.000 I'm not saying any of these things.

01:58:49.000 I'm not giving you decisions that you have to make based on my advice.

01:58:54.000 I don't have any advice.

01:58:55.000 I'm just saying it's weird that all the hullabaloo was about a medication that I took that's made for human beings and none of it was about the fact that I got better so quick.

01:59:06.000 Yeah, well, dude, I said to my crew, we're going on tour for the Birdie World Tour, starts this week, coming up.

01:59:13.000 Dude, is that a shameless plug?

01:59:14.000 It's a hardcore, because I know this conversation will go viral.

01:59:18.000 The start in Augusta, Montgomery, Augusta.

01:59:22.000 But I said to them, I said, hey, man, if we get a protocol set up...

01:59:28.000 Who wants the Rogan cocktail? 0.99

01:59:31.000 Every single one of them is like, dude, if I get fucking COVID, I'll throw the fucking kitchen sink at it. 0.99

01:59:38.000 Like, why not? 0.99

01:59:39.000 What is it, you know?

01:59:40.000 Yes.

01:59:41.000 Throw the kitchen sink at it, for sure. 1.00

01:59:43.000 Because no one wants to end up in a hospital.

01:59:45.000 You look at that young kid, Amanda Kloots' husband.

01:59:49.000 Yes.

01:59:50.000 He got on the respirator, right?

01:59:52.000 And it was heartbreaking.

01:59:53.000 I followed that whole story.

01:59:54.000 It's a horrible story.

01:59:55.000 It's a horrible story.

01:59:56.000 And he's a young guy. 1.00

01:59:58.000 You talk about the paths, but she was so upbeat during that whole fucking thing. 0.99

02:00:03.000 What a fucking solid person she was. 0.99

02:00:07.000 Singing songs to him and trying to uplift his spirits. 1.00

02:00:11.000 And that poor kid went through the fucking ringer. 0.99

02:00:16.000 And that was a lot of times where you, I mean, you can't blame anyone. 0.99

02:00:18.000 No one knew what they were doing back then.

02:00:19.000 No one knew what was happening.

02:00:21.000 You know, Michael Yeo was one of the first people that got infected. 0.99

02:00:23.000 I remember hearing that and going like, because I remember doing a podcast with you and then you did one with him and I was like, wait, this shit's real? 0.99

02:00:29.000 His doctor straight up said to him that if I put you on the ventilator, you'll die. 1.00

02:00:33.000 He said, you'll die.

02:00:35.000 Your lungs will stop working for themselves and you'll die. 1.00

02:00:39.000 And he's like, holy fuck. 1.00

02:00:41.000 And he got through it. 1.00

02:00:42.000 See, it was in the early days, man.

02:00:46.000 I remember the, we don't have enough ventilators.

02:00:48.000 Yeah, that was a big thing, right?

02:00:49.000 The New York City thing.

02:00:50.000 They were going to fill up all these different event centers, right?

02:00:55.000 Yeah.

02:00:56.000 Was it the Javits Center?

02:00:57.000 Javits Center.

02:00:57.000 Yeah, they were going to fill it up.

02:00:58.000 Over on the west side.

02:00:59.000 Is that what it is?

02:01:00.000 Yeah.

02:01:01.000 Just to put it in perspective for people listening, they do huge trade events there.

02:01:07.000 Yeah.

02:01:08.000 Like that is where a boat, a car show, a boat show would go. 0.99

02:01:12.000 And they would, and that is, they were going to fill it up with fucking ventilators? 0.97

02:01:15.000 I knew a dude who had a mob job there. 0.99

02:01:18.000 Really?

02:01:18.000 Yeah, he had a no-show job.

02:01:21.000 Buddy of mine.

02:01:22.000 He got paid, he got a check every week.

02:01:24.000 He had a no-show job.

02:01:26.000 He had a no-show job at the Javits Center back in the old days.

02:01:30.000 He was connected.

02:01:32.000 He was in the family.

02:01:33.000 Thank God I didn't get one of those.

02:01:35.000 He had a great job.

02:01:37.000 He had benefits.

02:01:38.000 He never worked a day in his life.

02:01:40.000 He just got paid.

02:01:41.000 There was a bunch of those back in the 90s, back before the internet was around, there was a bunch of people that had weird, shaky-ass gigs.

02:01:49.000 Oh, I would have loved that.

02:01:50.000 You would have never got me into comedy if I got one of those.

02:01:53.000 The world of criminals was so different before the internet.

02:01:57.000 Like, people could do all kinds, like in the John Gotti days.

02:02:00.000 Oh.

02:02:01.000 The world of criminals was so wild, you know?

02:02:07.000 Yeah, I do.

02:02:08.000 Yeah.

02:02:09.000 Al Capone.

02:02:10.000 Imagine going back to the world of Al Capone.

02:02:13.000 Imagine being around Al Capone.

02:02:17.000 During Prohibition, he's making money selling moonshine.

02:02:20.000 Buying houses in West Palm on the beach.

02:02:21.000 Dies of syphilis.

02:02:23.000 I thought that's how I'd go out.

02:02:25.000 I thought so, too.

02:02:26.000 Syphilis.

02:02:27.000 It's like I'd never know it until I was blind.

02:02:30.000 And then I was like, it's too late.

02:02:31.000 They can't fix it anymore.

02:02:32.000 Down.

02:02:34.000 I definitely thought I had syphilis.

02:02:36.000 Where's the highest concentrations of syphilis?

02:02:39.000 If you had a guess.

02:02:40.000 Don't say Liverpool.

02:02:41.000 Don't say Liverpool.

02:02:42.000 That'd be rude.

02:02:43.000 We're talking good about Liverpool.

02:02:44.000 I would say...

02:02:49.000 Syphilis.

02:02:49.000 What do you think?

02:02:51.000 Some swampy place, right?

02:02:52.000 No!

02:02:53.000 I would think it would be a swampy joint.

02:02:55.000 So it's got to be a place...

02:02:56.000 Here's where my brain goes.

02:02:57.000 High temperature.

02:02:58.000 I'm thinking low temperature.

02:03:00.000 Because you don't want to wear a condom when you're cold.

02:03:02.000 I don't think it's like that.

02:03:04.000 Really?

02:03:05.000 Oh, it's got to be Sierra Leone.

02:03:07.000 Sierra Leone.

02:03:08.000 It's got to be Sierra Leone or... 1.00

02:03:09.000 If you're really cold, you could fuck on a wetsuit on. 1.00

02:03:12.000 Oh. 1.00

02:03:14.000 Put me in that world. 0.99

02:03:16.000 Yeah, just open up the crotch. 1.00

02:03:19.000 I think it's a swampy disease, if I had to guess. 0.71

02:03:22.000 I have no knowledge of syphilis.

02:03:24.000 No, but you know what?

02:03:25.000 There's a lot of Europeans that got it, man.

02:03:27.000 Oh, for real?

02:03:29.000 Yeah.

02:03:30.000 I'm sorry if everybody's heard this story before.

02:03:33.000 Do you know where the term bigwig comes from?

02:03:36.000 No.

02:03:36.000 Big wig comes from, it started out, these two royals, and they had syphilis.

02:03:42.000 They were in France. 1.00

02:03:44.000 And they were losing their hair, and fucking they get holes in their face and shit. 1.00

02:03:48.000 And while they had syphilis, when they were losing their hair, they got wigs. 1.00

02:03:51.000 And then, because they were royalty, everybody wanted to copy them.

02:03:55.000 It's like when Kanye comes out with a new outfit.

02:03:58.000 The easy slides.

02:03:59.000 So all these dudes started wearing wigs.

02:04:02.000 So the more money you had, the bigger the wig you were. 0.98

02:04:05.000 You wore.

02:04:06.000 And it meant you had syphilis?

02:04:08.000 No, necessarily.

02:04:09.000 Not necessarily.

02:04:10.000 Dudes had to wear wigs.

02:04:11.000 Because these guys wore wigs, so everybody was copying these guys.

02:04:15.000 But the reason they wore wigs was because they had syphilis. 1.00

02:04:18.000 And their fucking hair was falling out. 0.99

02:04:20.000 And have you ever seen syphilis injuries? 0.99

02:04:23.000 Like when people get holes in their face, you can see through and see their teeth.

02:04:26.000 No.

02:04:26.000 Please pull that up.

02:04:27.000 Yeah.

02:04:27.000 Syphilis is It's wild.

02:04:28.000 When people die, their nose falls off. 1.00

02:04:30.000 It's fucking terrifying shit. 1.00

02:04:32.000 Your body just falls apart. 1.00

02:04:34.000 So these guys had syphilis, and their fucking hair was falling apart, so they got wigs. 0.99

02:04:38.000 So everybody wanted to be like them, so they all got wigs. 0.99

02:04:41.000 All these regular dudes were like families and fucking faithful to their wife and have a garden and shit and going to church. 1.00

02:04:48.000 They were wearing a wig, too, because these marauding, crazy royals were just fucking everyone and getting syphilis. 1.00

02:04:57.000 Yeah, these are legitimate syphilis injuries. 0.99

02:04:59.000 I don't think I knew what syphilis was.

02:05:01.000 I've never had syphilis.

02:05:01.000 Your nose falls off, tissue damage, necrosis, all kinds of...

02:05:05.000 Okay, I don't have syphilis.

02:05:06.000 Isn't that what it's called?

02:05:07.000 Necrosis?

02:05:09.000 I got the clap in college.

02:05:10.000 Look at that lady's got a hole in her face. 1.00

02:05:12.000 From syphilis?

02:05:13.000 Yeah.

02:05:13.000 Her nose is caved in.

02:05:15.000 Like she's got a hole in the center of her face. 0.98

02:05:17.000 Oh my god.

02:05:18.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.

02:05:19.000 A lot of that with syphilis people.

02:05:21.000 And it's not just your face, too.

02:05:23.000 It's like lots of parts of your body start falling apart like that.

02:05:26.000 It's a rotten way to die.

02:05:29.000 Yeah, they would get holes in their face.

02:05:30.000 So they documented this.

02:05:31.000 But Al Capone had syphilis.

02:05:32.000 Al Capone died of this.

02:05:33.000 And did he have holes in his face?

02:05:34.000 Make sure that's true.

02:05:35.000 Make sure that's true.

02:05:36.000 I think that's true.

02:05:37.000 That Al Capone died of syphilis.

02:05:40.000 Yep, right there.

02:05:41.000 He had the syphilis dementia.

02:05:42.000 So the holes must have been in his brain.

02:05:44.000 Oh, did he really?

02:05:45.000 It was in his brain?

02:05:46.000 Is that what they said?

02:05:48.000 Go to all...

02:05:49.000 So we can see if there's a story that...

02:05:52.000 How did Al Capone...

02:05:55.000 Syphilis in the 30s?

02:05:56.000 Syphilis.

02:05:57.000 He died of syphilis.

02:05:58.000 Since there was no cure for syphilis in the 1930s, Capone's illness worsened and led to his death at age of just 48. That's me.

02:06:06.000 That's you, dude.

02:06:07.000 Imagine.

02:06:08.000 I got the clap in college.

02:06:09.000 How is it?

02:06:11.000 I didn't like it.

02:06:12.000 Is it overrated?

02:06:14.000 I'll tell you what, I didn't give it an applause break.

02:06:16.000 It was rough.

02:06:18.000 It was rough because I think it was the first bout I had of OCD where you go, like, I'm dirty now.

02:06:27.000 Where you're like, ah, this isn't the plan I had lined up.

02:06:31.000 I think some people, like myself...

02:06:34.000 I remember our dog Priscilla had knee surgeries.

02:06:38.000 I had a hard time with that because I was like, you see a dog with an ailment, you're like, goddammit, I got a dog with hip dysplasia.

02:06:44.000 There's no perfection there. 0.99

02:06:45.000 When I got the clap, it fucked me up because I had only had sex with two chicks. 1.00

02:06:49.000 You comparing your clap experience to a dog with hip dysplasia? 1.00

02:06:52.000 Very similar.

02:06:53.000 I'm just trying to find the logic.

02:06:55.000 Very similar.

02:06:56.000 I was almost identical.

02:06:58.000 I'm trying to follow your thinking here.

02:06:59.000 It was the same thing.

02:07:00.000 I think it's an OCD thing where you go, I want life to be perfect. 0.67

02:07:05.000 And then when you're doing everything right and then you get the clap, you're like, I fucking followed the rules.

02:07:10.000 Like, how did this happen to me?

02:07:12.000 And it was hard for me.

02:07:13.000 It was a hard thing for me to figure out.

02:07:16.000 And then because then you...

02:07:18.000 Every chick I ever had sex with afterwards, I always presented, like, just, you know, I had the clap in college.

02:07:22.000 So I always wanted to be up front.

02:07:23.000 You always have to say that right away?

02:07:24.000 You don't have to, I think, but I did.

02:07:26.000 But you don't have it anymore.

02:07:27.000 I didn't, yeah.

02:07:28.000 But it's not like, you know, something you can...

02:07:31.000 I was.

02:07:33.000 That's how my brain works.

02:07:35.000 The clap is like a classic VD. Like, when was the clap?

02:07:40.000 When did that first...

02:07:41.000 It's gonorrhea.

02:07:41.000 When did that first...

02:07:42.000 Is it gonorrhea?

02:07:42.000 That's the clap, right?

02:07:44.000 It's a great name.

02:07:45.000 Why would you ever call it gonorrhea when you call it the clap?

02:07:48.000 The clap was so much easier.

02:07:49.000 It's a great name.

02:07:50.000 Why is it the clap, by the way?

02:07:52.000 I remember dudes, I want to say your name right now.

02:07:54.000 I remember dudes in my fraternity going, oh, it's the clap.

02:07:56.000 We all had the clap.

02:07:57.000 Here it is.

02:07:58.000 Why is gonorrhea called the clap?

02:08:01.000 What does it say? 0.99

02:08:06.000 Sometimes this clapping was done by smashing the penis between two... 1.00

02:08:10.000 Whoa, I should read before that. 1.00

02:08:12.000 Wait, what the fuck? 1.00

02:08:13.000 Wait, I was supposed to slam my penis between two paddles? 1.00

02:08:15.000 Okay, here is the beginning. 0.99

02:08:16.000 Now, why is it called the clap?

02:08:17.000 Will it make it a little smaller?

02:08:19.000 There you go.

02:08:19.000 Why is it called the clap?

02:08:20.000 There are a few different theories behind the nickname, but the one I like most has to do with an old-timey treatment.

02:08:27.000 Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection that can affect both the men and the women, but the men are more likely to show symptoms like greater frequency of urgency of urination Oh, God, yeah.

02:08:37.000 Oh, God.

02:08:58.000 Could forcibly expel the pus and cure the infection.

02:09:02.000 You feel like that.

02:09:03.000 When you have it, you go, if I slam this against a wall right now, it would go away. 0.99

02:09:07.000 Sometimes his clapping was done by smashing the penis between two hard objects, like two boat paddles. 0.99

02:09:16.000 You feel like that. 1.00

02:09:17.000 I fucking swear to God. 0.98

02:09:19.000 I was sitting in the ATO fraternity house thinking, I gotta get this to you. 0.99

02:09:22.000 It was so...

02:09:23.000 Hold on.

02:09:23.000 Go back.

02:09:24.000 Go back.

02:09:24.000 There's a table of different things.

02:09:26.000 But hold on a second.

02:09:27.000 Two hard objects like two boat paddles according to this article from the Women's Health Foundation.

02:09:35.000 What?

02:09:36.000 Or a book.

02:09:37.000 Or a book and a table, like this public library science blog suggests.

02:09:45.000 But the Women's Health Foundation has stories about dudes whacking boat paddles against their cocks to cure syphilis. 1.00

02:09:52.000 It was unbearable.

02:09:55.000 Like, unbearable.

02:09:56.000 Why is that?

02:09:57.000 Is that the only reference? 0.99

02:09:59.000 How do we know that that's not just someone clowning on dudes in their dicks? 0.99

02:10:03.000 If I was the woman running the World Women's Health Foundation, what is it called again? 0.99

02:10:08.000 Yes, you said it.

02:10:10.000 Women's Health Foundation.

02:10:11.000 It's also called clap because clappier is a French word for brothel. 1.00

02:10:16.000 Oh, another one. 0.59

02:10:17.000 Also a nest of rabbits, which have a reputation for being pretty sexually active.

02:10:24.000 Here's my question.

02:10:25.000 Who's patient zero?

02:10:28.000 With a clap.

02:10:29.000 How does that come out?

02:10:30.000 Here's a better question, right?

02:10:31.000 Oh, better than that?

02:10:32.000 Ari Shafir had a theory, we should call Ari to get it, that if no one had sex for three days, we'd get rid of herpes. 0.98

02:10:40.000 Um, no, because all the people with herpes keep it for life. 1.00

02:10:42.000 Ari's an idiot. 1.00

02:10:44.000 Alright, there you go. 1.00

02:10:44.000 That is a stupid fucking thing to say. 1.00

02:10:46.000 That doesn't make any sense at all. 1.00

02:10:47.000 I'm certain I misquoted him. 1.00

02:10:49.000 That is so dumb. 0.98

02:10:50.000 I bet you did, because he wouldn't say that. 1.00

02:10:52.000 If he did, he'd say that. 0.99

02:10:53.000 Oh, yeah, what the fuck was I thinking? 1.00

02:10:56.000 Fucking Ari. 1.00

02:11:00.000 Yeah, that doesn't make any sense, bro. 1.00

02:11:02.000 You keep herpes for life.

02:11:03.000 That's so crazy.

02:11:04.000 I remember getting the clap, and the doctor just telling me, like, Hey, man, I can just give you the pills or I can give you the test, but you just want the pills.

02:11:14.000 I was like, I don't have the clap.

02:11:15.000 And he's like, no, you definitely got it.

02:11:16.000 Like, yeah, trust me.

02:11:17.000 What do you have to take?

02:11:19.000 It was just like amoxicillin, I think.

02:11:22.000 It was like a penicillin type pill?

02:11:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:11:23.000 They don't give you a shot?

02:11:25.000 No, it was pills.

02:11:26.000 And it was like 10 days of pills.

02:11:27.000 You had to stay sober.

02:11:28.000 That was in college. 0.99

02:11:29.000 I was like fucking rough. 0.99

02:11:30.000 For 10 days. 1.00

02:11:31.000 The oldest virus ever found is a sexually transmitted disease.

02:11:35.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:11:36.000 It's in Kazakhstan.

02:11:38.000 Oh, hepatitis B, proven to be 4,500 years old.

02:11:43.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:11:44.000 Okay, I'll say it the way it's printed because I'm an idiot. 0.98

02:11:47.000 A virus found in the genetic fragments of several remains in Germany, Kazakhstan, Poland, and Russia were shown to have remnants Of an STI hepatitis B proving to be 4,500 years old. 0.97

02:12:02.000 So that's for sure back then they had hepatitis.

02:12:06.000 Oh, yeah.

02:12:07.000 You can get hepatitis from just drinking, right?

02:12:10.000 No.

02:12:11.000 I think that's diabetes.

02:12:12.000 Or liver failure or something. 1.00

02:12:13.000 Yeah, fuck. 1.00

02:12:14.000 No, I think hepatitis is a disease. 1.00

02:12:17.000 I'm trying to stay just shy of that.

02:12:18.000 I think hepatitis is something you catch.

02:12:22.000 It's like a virus.

02:12:23.000 Well, I know we got hepatitis.

02:12:24.000 There's alcoholic hepatitis.

02:12:26.000 That's what I'm looking for.

02:12:28.000 Caused by drinking too much alcohol.

02:12:30.000 But you have signs in the liver.

02:12:32.000 How is it possible that something you can get through sex, you can also get through drinking?

02:12:37.000 Shouldn't they come up with a new name?

02:12:39.000 It seems like you get it at the same time.

02:12:40.000 Is it the same?

02:12:43.000 But isn't it the same thing?

02:12:46.000 Like, if you...

02:12:47.000 I think it's...

02:12:48.000 So, I met a couple heroin addicts, and they are afraid of hepatitis.

02:12:54.000 That one.

02:12:55.000 Right.

02:12:56.000 The drunk one.

02:12:57.000 It's a liver failure thing.

02:12:59.000 Right, but why is it called hepatitis if a hepatitis is also something that you get from sexually transmission?

02:13:04.000 Sexual transmission.

02:13:06.000 Right?

02:13:06.000 How is it possible that those two are the same things?

02:13:09.000 That's why I only party and I don't fuck. 0.97

02:13:11.000 Well, it's also like why we're both not scientists. 0.99

02:13:15.000 Probably, yeah.

02:13:16.000 We don't understand this at all.

02:13:17.000 In my head, they're calling it a different hepatitis for a reason.

02:13:21.000 Well, they just make up another name. 0.54

02:13:23.000 It's so lazy.

02:13:24.000 I get a hepatitis A shot, correct?

02:13:27.000 Like if I travel, I get a hepatitis A shot.

02:13:29.000 And what do you get hepatitis A from? 1.00

02:13:30.000 For drinking bullshit water. 0.99

02:13:33.000 Like if you go to Tom Segura's house and his son gives you toilet water, I get a hepatitis A shot before I go there. 0.99

02:13:39.000 But like, yeah, it's crazy the way that medicine's changed.

02:13:43.000 Ketamine.

02:13:44.000 When I was in college, ketamine, cat tranquilizer, you partied with it, right? 1.00

02:13:47.000 Isn't it weird how you're scared to drink toilet water, but you're not scared to eat ass? 1.00

02:13:53.000 I'm not afraid to eat ass at all. 1.00

02:13:55.000 Isn't that kind of crazy? 0.99

02:13:56.000 Well, we clean it up first.

02:13:57.000 We don't go in there.

02:13:58.000 How much do you clean it up?

02:13:58.000 Do you clean it up like a whole bowl of water?

02:14:02.000 No, I don't. 1.00

02:14:04.000 The floor is probably lake cleaner than ass. 0.99

02:14:07.000 And you're like, get that toilet water away from me. 0.99

02:14:09.000 What I would do is I'd chug that in front of that kid and let him know. 1.00

02:14:13.000 You want to know about eating ass now? 0.99

02:14:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:15.000 Want to know what I'm scared of?

02:14:16.000 It would have been great if Tom just grabbed it, killed it, and goes, I want to tell you something about me and your mom.

02:14:21.000 The son's like, huh? 1.00

02:14:21.000 He's like, I eat her asshole too. 1.00

02:14:23.000 Woo! 1.00

02:14:24.000 Hey, hot one coming in. 1.00

02:14:25.000 Imagine, five years old, finding out about eating ass. 1.00

02:14:28.000 What year do you think you were when you found out about eating ass? 1.00

02:14:31.000 I thought you were going to say about, well, it was the same time I ate ass. 0.99

02:14:33.000 Like, I didn't know you could do it until I did it, yeah. 0.99

02:14:36.000 Did you fall asleep and then wake up and lick the wrong thing?

02:14:38.000 No. 1.00

02:14:38.000 I fucking loved eating ass. 1.00

02:14:40.000 I loved eating ass. 1.00

02:14:41.000 I loved spitting in mouths. 1.00

02:14:44.000 I loved all of that.

02:14:45.000 When I was young, it was almost like, do you remember when your parents would leave you at home and you just were like, I'm going to jack off 20 times today?

02:14:53.000 Am I the only one?

02:14:54.000 No.

02:14:55.000 That's a lot.

02:14:56.000 That's a lot.

02:14:57.000 Like twice.

02:14:57.000 Twice.

02:14:58.000 Okay.

02:14:58.000 Twice.

02:14:59.000 I've done twice.

02:14:59.000 I remember when exploring my heterosexuality in college and being like, I'm doing every page of the book.

02:15:08.000 Exploring your heterosexuality?

02:15:09.000 Yeah, like someone would explore their homosexuality?

02:15:11.000 Right.

02:15:11.000 I explored my heterosexuality and I did every page of the book.

02:15:14.000 Why can't it just be your sexuality? 0.59

02:15:16.000 Because I want to let them know that they're represented as well.

02:15:20.000 I get it.

02:15:20.000 I met a gay dude when I moved to New York, and he talked to me about being gay, and it was like reading a book I didn't expect to read, and I loved it.

02:15:28.000 He was like, yeah, I got fucked out of a loft the other day, and I was like, what? 0.98

02:15:32.000 Whoa, out of a loft? 0.99

02:15:33.000 And he had a black eye, and he came in.

02:15:35.000 Like he fell off the top? 0.97

02:15:36.000 The guy was fucking pounding him, and I remember hearing about that and being like, whoa. 0.97

02:15:41.000 And then I realized... 1.00

02:15:42.000 If you look at sexuality, I did the same shit in college. 0.99

02:15:46.000 I wasn't great at sex in high school. 1.00

02:15:49.000 I was really bad.

02:15:50.000 Did you study?

02:15:52.000 No.

02:15:53.000 Did you get a bad ride?

02:15:54.000 Did you get a coach? 1.00

02:15:54.000 For losing my virginity, it was a fucking nightmare. 1.00

02:15:59.000 Did you fuck a ghost? 1.00

02:16:09.000 Mark Norman and I were in Europe. 1.00

02:16:13.000 I came down. 1.00

02:16:15.000 We were both hungover as fuck. 1.00

02:16:16.000 You ever be in a shower and the wind's blowing so the curtain keeps touching your body? 1.00

02:16:21.000 Every day.

02:16:22.000 Every day of my life.

02:16:24.000 Mark's in the worst place. 1.00

02:16:25.000 He's hungover as fuck as shit. 1.00

02:16:26.000 Shit and blood, throwing up. 1.00

02:16:28.000 Really? 1.00

02:16:28.000 Mark can't hang for anybody. 1.00

02:16:30.000 Well, he can't hang with you.

02:16:32.000 Listen, I run that dude into the dirt.

02:16:34.000 You're uncomfortable.

02:16:35.000 Your ability to absorb alcohol makes me uncomfortable.

02:16:38.000 I enjoy now putting Mark onto his heels. 1.00

02:16:43.000 Yeah, he can't fuck with you. 1.00

02:16:43.000 He shouldn't be trying. 1.00

02:16:44.000 I got him IVs every fucking morning. 1.00

02:16:48.000 He's not big enough. 1.00

02:16:50.000 You're encompassing much more mass.

02:16:52.000 That's a factor.

02:16:54.000 So I wake up, I get down to the bus, or the car, or whatever, to go to the airport, and Mark's just not feeling good, and I go...

02:17:00.000 Mark Norman might be $1.70, right?

02:17:03.000 Maybe.

02:17:04.000 Oh, not even that much.

02:17:06.000 How much did he win?

02:17:07.000 You could hold him down, right, Jamie?

02:17:09.000 He's not too far off from me.

02:17:10.000 I'm like $1.95.

02:17:12.000 At the most I would say he's in the 70s.

02:17:15.000 I don't think 25 pounds less than me.

02:17:17.000 So Burt has got to be 240. I'm 240 right now.

02:17:20.000 Yeah, see that's a large difference for the amount of volume that the alcohol is going through.

02:17:25.000 Because I keep him at my pace.

02:17:27.000 I keep him at my pace. 1.00

02:17:28.000 And you know this motherfucker has a swollen liver. 1.00

02:17:30.000 You know his liver is like extra large. 1.00

02:17:34.000 No, not bad.

02:17:37.000 You know Roy Jones Jr. has one gigantic left bicep and his right bicep is normal size?

02:17:43.000 Really?

02:17:44.000 Yeah, his production company is called Left Hook Productions, because Roy Jones Jr., a lot of times you wouldn't even lead with a jab.

02:17:50.000 You would just lead with a left hook, because his left hook was so lightning fast, and because he threw it so many times, his left bicep is gigantic.

02:17:58.000 Look at his left bicep. 0.99

02:17:59.000 Holy shit! 1.00

02:18:00.000 Yeah, it's wild, dude. 1.00

02:18:01.000 It's wild.

02:18:02.000 Oh, so that's my liver, and that's Mark Norman's liver.

02:18:04.000 Exactly!

02:18:04.000 That's what I'm trying to tell you.

02:18:06.000 That liver gets work.

02:18:07.000 That liver gets work like Roy Jones Jr.'s left bicep.

02:18:10.000 Yeah.

02:18:13.000 I put in the work, brother. 0.54

02:18:14.000 And I get up, like, my favorite thing, and this is something that, like I said, this podcast has brought to my brain, is the benefits of busting your ass on a treadmill at like 6 in the morning, 5 in the morning, and putting in work after you partied all night,

02:18:29.000 and getting, flooding that system, water, and feeling great, right?

02:18:34.000 Yeah, you know what else is really good, too?

02:18:36.000 Glutathione. 1.00

02:18:37.000 Glutathione is my bitch! 1.00

02:18:39.000 I love that shit. 1.00

02:18:40.000 You get it on every IV. I get it on every IV. It's really good, and it actually helps you metabolize alcohol. 1.00

02:18:48.000 Make sure that's true.

02:18:50.000 Again, please, ladies and gentlemen, if I'm having a discussion about anything other than MMA, jujitsu, comedy, maybe playing pool.

02:19:05.000 Don't listen to me.

02:19:06.000 That's what I know.

02:19:07.000 I know those things fairly good.

02:19:09.000 I get glutathione every time, and then I get the big vitamin C, two vitamin Bs, 12 and 7 or whatever, and then my other thing is magnesium.

02:19:23.000 Vitamin C is huge if you're sick, too.

02:19:25.000 What's worse than poor sleep, bad diet, stress, and drinking alcohol drastically deplete your glutathione levels and restrict natural replenishment.

02:19:36.000 When there is not enough glutathione available in your blood cells and liver, these toxic chemicals start to build up in your body. 0.99

02:19:43.000 So it says NAC, which I also take, increases your body's ability to produce glutathione Which is great because I eat that too, bitch! 1.00

02:19:52.000 What's NAC? How do I get that? 0.99

02:19:54.000 We'll tell you in a minute.

02:19:56.000 I forget how to say it, but we'll tell you in a second.

02:20:00.000 Glutathione, which is an antioxidant that can reduce the toxicity causing your painful hangover.

02:20:06.000 NAC is also a useful nutrient for liver support and doesn't have any major side effects, making it ideal for combating your hangover without adding nausea or drowsiness.

02:20:16.000 I forget.

02:20:17.000 Let's find out what NAC is.

02:20:18.000 I get that every time.

02:20:20.000 How do you say it?

02:20:22.000 Okay, NAC is...

02:20:24.000 That's it right there.

02:20:25.000 Click on that.

02:20:26.000 It's N-acetylcysteine.

02:20:31.000 I don't know if I'm saying that right.

02:20:33.000 N-acetylcysteine is an antioxidant that may play a role in preventing cancer.

02:20:37.000 As a drug, it's used by healthcare providers to treat...

02:20:41.000 What is that word?

02:20:43.000 Acetaminophen.

02:20:43.000 Oh, acetaminophen, Tylenol, overdose.

02:20:47.000 So I take that stuff.

02:20:49.000 And glutathione, Dr. Mark Gordon was the first person to explain that to me.

02:20:56.000 And he endorses, he says you should take liposomal glutathione if you want to take a supplement for glutathione.

02:21:03.000 Because it's really good to take as you're drinking.

02:21:06.000 Or right when you're done.

02:21:08.000 I got to the place where I was like, I think, so I started doing IVs right after I got dosed by Ari. 0.92

02:21:13.000 I started doing IVs, and I was like, they're fucking super helpful. 0.92

02:21:17.000 Super helpful. 0.54

02:21:19.000 And then I heard you guys, I don't know if I'm telling tales and edited it out if I am, but you guys were going on the road with Chappelle, and Chappelle was like, yo, IV up, let's go.

02:21:27.000 He was the first guy that introduced me to IVs on the road.

02:21:30.000 We've done a few shows together, but one of the first ones we did together was in Tacoma.

02:21:35.000 So we did the show in Tacoma, and then he has like IVs everywhere.

02:21:40.000 I go, what's going on?

02:21:41.000 It's like everybody gets a vitamin drip, IV, and glutathione.

02:21:44.000 I'm like, I'm in.

02:21:45.000 I'm in. 0.99

02:21:45.000 So we all sat around a hotel room and got fucking IV drips. 0.99

02:21:49.000 It was awesome. 0.99

02:21:49.000 It's the greatest thing, man. 0.99

02:21:50.000 You feel almost immediately slightly more vibrant.

02:21:54.000 If you're aware of your body, and if you work out all the time, you have a pretty good sense of how hard you can push it or where it feels at a certain time.

02:22:02.000 That's one of the best ways to know if you're sick, right?

02:22:04.000 To understand your body.

02:22:07.000 When you get a little jolt, you're like, ooh.

02:22:10.000 Yeah.

02:22:11.000 This is something.

02:22:12.000 I don't think this is just a placebo effect.

02:22:14.000 There's something to this, right?

02:22:16.000 Yeah.

02:22:16.000 Dude, we got them.

02:22:17.000 Jamie, if you pull up my Instagram, I had the most beautiful morning planned.

02:22:21.000 We did Red Rocks the night before, right?

02:22:23.000 Look at you guys.

02:22:24.000 Bunch of junkies out there.

02:22:25.000 My wife's in.

02:22:26.000 I'm in.

02:22:27.000 Dave Williamson.

02:22:28.000 Tom Haislip, Dave's wife.

02:22:30.000 Mark Norman.

02:22:31.000 Who's the guy with the mask in the back?

02:22:33.000 What's he scared of?

02:22:34.000 That's actually our doctor.

02:22:35.000 That's the guy administering them.

02:22:37.000 The doctor's got a mask on.

02:22:39.000 Everybody else is drunk.

02:22:40.000 Shout out to Rocky Mountain IVs.

02:22:43.000 Look at the doctor.

02:22:44.000 We're all drinking.

02:22:45.000 The doctor's stepping way back. 1.00

02:22:46.000 He's like, thank God this shit doesn't transmit outside. 0.99

02:22:48.000 Dude, we all got IVs. 1.00

02:22:51.000 I ordered them.

02:22:52.000 I got them under the trees.

02:22:53.000 Do you have a mimosa in your hand?

02:22:54.000 I do have a mimosa.

02:22:55.000 You're drinking a mimosa while you have an IV. I just did Red Rocks the night before.

02:22:59.000 I had the greatest night of my fucking life. 1.00

02:23:01.000 Don't be defensive. 1.00

02:23:02.000 I'm asking questions.

02:23:04.000 I got everyone IVs.

02:23:05.000 This is the first round.

02:23:06.000 We got another round.

02:23:08.000 And then we all went out to Jimmy Buffett that night.

02:23:12.000 We got them the night before the show.

02:23:13.000 Mark Norman goes, you want NADS? Mark goes, I've never had it.

02:23:16.000 Let's try it.

02:23:17.000 I'm like, Mark, you're about to perform in front of 10,000 people.

02:23:20.000 Maybe you don't want to try a brand new drug.

02:23:21.000 And he goes, ah, Rogan does it.

02:23:22.000 Let's do it. 0.97

02:23:23.000 Mark comes off, he's like, that's the best goddamn thing I've ever felt in my life! 0.93

02:23:26.000 It feels good. 0.93

02:23:27.000 How long, did you guys do it for like two hours?

02:23:29.000 You watch a movie or anything?

02:23:30.000 Mark, I think they did the shot.

02:23:32.000 Oh, that's good, too.

02:23:33.000 The shot's good, too.

02:23:34.000 I've done that.

02:23:35.000 That's actually way more comfortable.

02:23:37.000 The drip is uncomfortable.

02:23:38.000 Dave Williamson gets the shot, and he goes, doesn't know what it is.

02:23:42.000 Then he goes, whoa.

02:23:44.000 Yeah, yeah, for a few minutes.

02:23:45.000 Whoa.

02:23:46.000 I think I'm having a heart attack.

02:23:47.000 And I go, is that the NAD thing?

02:23:49.000 And he goes, is there a side effect?

02:23:50.000 He goes, oh, you feel tightness in your chest, a little uneasiness.

02:23:53.000 You're going to throw up.

02:23:54.000 It feels like a heart attack, but you're going to be fine.

02:23:55.000 Dave's like, grrr.

02:23:58.000 Yeah, the drip is worse.

02:24:01.000 Really?

02:24:01.000 Yeah, that's why they do it over two hours.

02:24:03.000 You sit there for like, you watch a movie or something.

02:24:05.000 I could do that.

02:24:06.000 It's comfortable.

02:24:06.000 Oh, you know what I want to do?

02:24:07.000 Yeah, just watch a movie and you don't even notice that it's in your arm.

02:24:10.000 I want to do the...

02:24:11.000 Hyperbaric chamber?

02:24:13.000 You knew it, yeah.

02:24:14.000 Yeah, I did 60 of those over 90 days.

02:24:17.000 That's what I want to know about.

02:24:18.000 Gabby Reese calls me up right after I get my surgery.

02:24:23.000 By the way, huge shout out to Gabby and Laird.

02:24:26.000 They're awesome humans.

02:24:27.000 They're just good people.

02:24:28.000 They're amazing, and they're giant.

02:24:30.000 When you're around them, you're like, oh, I'm so tiny.

02:24:32.000 They call me up.

02:24:34.000 You know what I love? 1.00

02:24:35.000 I'm a FaceTime motherfucker. 0.99

02:24:36.000 I like that too. 1.00

02:24:37.000 I FaceTime everyone. 0.99

02:24:38.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:24:39.000 I like when people FaceTime me and don't expect it. 0.98

02:24:41.000 I like that even more. 1.00

02:24:42.000 Like I'm taking a shit? 0.99

02:24:43.000 FaceTime from Gabby Reese, right? 0.99

02:24:45.000 I'm making coffee, and it's Laird Hamilton.

02:24:49.000 And I go, I like panic, right?

02:24:51.000 This is like, dude, I've watched surf on YouTube.

02:24:53.000 I've known this guy since North Shore.

02:24:55.000 I know this guy.

02:24:56.000 And I know Gabby.

02:24:57.000 I went to Florida State.

02:24:58.000 And he goes, hey, man, I appreciate you promoting the health stuff, the turmeric and the coffee. 0.99

02:25:05.000 Yeah, his coffee shit is amazing. 0.99

02:25:06.000 His coffee's amazing. 1.00

02:25:06.000 I go, man, I'm a big fan. 1.00

02:25:08.000 And then Gabby, real quick, pulls the phone away. 1.00

02:25:10.000 She's like, all right, that's later.

02:25:11.000 Hey, what's going on with you?

02:25:13.000 Just a good person.

02:25:15.000 This is super nice.

02:25:16.000 She's like, you need to get in the hyperbaric chambers. 1.00

02:25:18.000 She's great for healing. 1.00

02:25:19.000 Fix that arm of yours. 0.87

02:25:20.000 She's like, what's your protocol? 1.00

02:25:22.000 And I'm like, Gabby, you're talking to the wrong motherfucker. 0.99

02:25:24.000 I remember I was on news radio, and I did a celebrity volleyball game once. 0.99

02:25:30.000 And she was there, and there was this dude from Baywatch who was there, and one of the kids from Home Improvement was there.

02:25:38.000 And I had a serious case of imposter syndrome.

02:25:41.000 Because nobody knew who I was, you know?

02:25:44.000 And I was there, and I was like, wow, that's Gabby Reese.

02:25:47.000 Like, that's the lady from the Olympics. 1.00

02:25:49.000 I'm like, that's the kid from Home Improvement.

02:25:51.000 And I'm like, that's that dude from Baywatch.

02:25:53.000 And literally, I don't even think I was on news radio then.

02:25:56.000 I think I was on Hardball.

02:25:57.000 I think I was on that Fox show.

02:25:58.000 No one knew who I was.

02:25:59.000 And I remember, like, I get texts from her every now and then.

02:26:02.000 I'm like, I remember, like, I saw you at that volleyball game.

02:26:04.000 And I was like, I can't believe she's really right there.

02:26:06.000 Yeah.

02:26:07.000 Oh, dude.

02:26:07.000 She was, like, growing up in Florida, she was a legend.

02:26:11.000 And I know she wouldn't be comfortable with this, but, like, she went to Florida State.

02:26:15.000 That was the one person that jumped out.

02:26:17.000 Her and Dion jumped out of Florida State and went on to a global scale.

02:26:20.000 MTV for her, Dion the pros.

02:26:22.000 She's a legit, like, one-in-a-million athlete, too, when she was a volleyball player.

02:26:26.000 Different, different.

02:26:27.000 And you know what good people they are?

02:26:29.000 They hit me up when Tom got hurt.

02:26:31.000 And they were like, hey, let us know about Tom's recovery.

02:26:34.000 We want to help him out.

02:26:34.000 We're doing stuff in the pool that might be good for his...

02:26:36.000 Like, that's how their brains work.

02:26:39.000 Yeah, dude. 0.96

02:26:39.000 Laird Hamilton is a special kind of freak human, man. 0.96

02:26:44.000 When you see that...

02:26:45.000 Like, a lot...

02:26:46.000 Like, people overuse that word.

02:26:47.000 Like, freak.

02:26:48.000 And I'm probably guilty of it myself, but listen to me on this one. 0.99

02:26:52.000 Listen to me on this one, because I'm not fucking around. 0.99

02:26:54.000 That guy... 0.99

02:26:55.000 He told me he does an airdyne machine inside a sauna.

02:26:59.000 So he gets a sauna, he puts oven mitts on. 0.93

02:27:03.000 He's doing these wild things where he's taking like 75 pound dumbbells and jumping into the pool and swimming while holding a 75 pound, you know how fucking hard that is?

02:27:18.000 Dude, I watched him the first time in a polar plunge.

02:27:21.000 Now, I had done them because I thought it was a cool thing.

02:27:24.000 What's a polar plunge?

02:27:25.000 You jump into the frozen lake or something?

02:27:27.000 No, no.

02:27:27.000 The same thing you do.

02:27:28.000 That polar plunge.

02:27:29.000 Oh, the ice bath.

02:27:30.000 Yeah, the ice bath.

02:27:31.000 I watched him in an ice bath do like four minutes or six minutes.

02:27:34.000 Something crazy.

02:27:35.000 Maybe eight minutes.

02:27:36.000 I don't know.

02:27:36.000 And I remember saying, I remember going like trying it and I could do one minute.

02:27:43.000 Yeah.

02:27:44.000 And you're looking at him top to bottom in ice and I go, so the human body can do that.

02:27:51.000 Yeah, the human body can definitely do it, but you have to be really careful.

02:27:56.000 The reason why you have to be careful is because a guy like that, or a guy, you know, like even Wim Hof, like Wim Hof can do, we discovered he can do like an hour and 20 or something like that, something insane.

02:28:10.000 A regular person who's not accustomed to those kind of conditions and doesn't know their limit, the problem is you can get to a point of no return where you can really hurt yourself.

02:28:21.000 Where you lower your body temperature?

02:28:22.000 I've done that before.

02:28:23.000 You can get legit hypothermia.

02:28:25.000 And when I did 20 minutes inside that ice bath, I was like, hmm.

02:28:30.000 I was freezing.

02:28:31.000 I drove to work. 0.87

02:28:34.000 In 95 degree Texas heat, or whatever the fuck it was, 90 degree Texas heat, and I kept the windows rolled up, and I kept the AC off the whole time, and I was still freezing. 0.89

02:28:43.000 I was freezing all the way to work. 0.95

02:28:44.000 I couldn't, I watched you, so like, so just before you did One Minute, I had done Four minutes.

02:28:52.000 My personal trainer is Lacey Mackie, Tate Fletcher's girlfriend.

02:28:58.000 She's amazing.

02:28:59.000 She's amazing.

02:29:00.000 Amazing.

02:29:01.000 So we do these Saturday morning trainings where our four families, we call them the campers, we all go and train together, and Lacey's our coach, and she does fun things for the whole family, but more importantly, we do a little bit of sauna, a little bit of polar plunge for all of us.

02:29:17.000 So we had this bathtub.

02:29:18.000 We hadn't built a house yet.

02:29:19.000 We had a bathtub that was going to our master bath.

02:29:21.000 We get like 300 pounds of ice, dump it in the bathtub.

02:29:23.000 It's in a box out in our backyard.

02:29:25.000 And she goes, four minutes.

02:29:26.000 You should do four minutes.

02:29:27.000 And I've only done a minute at that time.

02:29:29.000 And she teaches us.

02:29:30.000 We all go into the gym.

02:29:32.000 She does... 0.99

02:29:34.000 Over-oxygenated breathing, right?

02:29:36.000 So we all breathe really hard and get our breath up.

02:29:39.000 Not hallucinogenic, but we breathe really hard.

02:29:41.000 And then she teaches us box breathing.

02:29:43.000 And she goes, all right, so we'll do box breathing when you're in there.

02:29:46.000 Is she doing six, six, and six?

02:29:48.000 Four and four.

02:29:50.000 And by the way, I apologize if I'm doing the wrong thing.

02:29:53.000 Lacey, feel free to correct me.

02:29:55.000 But four breaths in, hold for four breaths.

02:29:57.000 Four breaths out, hold for four breaths.

02:29:59.000 So it's like...

02:30:01.000 For four, hold for four.

02:30:02.000 Oh, you mean seconds.

02:30:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:30:04.000 Four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then relax for four.

02:30:07.000 Out for four, and then hold for four. 0.96

02:30:09.000 And so we do four second Brock's breathing.

02:30:11.000 I go in first, and Joe, I swear to you, I think it's all in line, Jamie, but you don't have to pull it up.

02:30:17.000 I've only done a minute at this time.

02:30:19.000 I think I did four minutes.

02:30:20.000 Four minutes and I was like...

02:30:22.000 After the box breathing.

02:30:23.000 Doing box breathing.

02:30:24.000 She was like, panic breath, panic breath, coaching us through it.

02:30:27.000 Got a watch on us.

02:30:28.000 And then my daughter goes in, Georgia, 17 years old.

02:30:32.000 She goes, you can do this, George.

02:30:33.000 And George gets in and... 0.99

02:30:35.000 Does fucking four minutes. 0.99

02:30:37.000 And then all the kids go in. 0.99

02:30:39.000 They do this box breathing, four minutes.

02:30:42.000 Now my daughter Isla is obsessed with it.

02:30:44.000 And I got the Renews, I wish I knew the name of it.

02:30:49.000 Renew, like legit polar plunge like you got.

02:30:53.000 But I think it's called Renew or something.

02:30:56.000 Renew.

02:30:58.000 Renew.

02:30:59.000 I'm so sorry for that guy that Zoe would love for me to say it right right now.

02:31:04.000 We'll figure it out.

02:31:04.000 Jamie will find it.

02:31:05.000 We got it in my backyard and my daughter Isla loves to go in there, box breathe for four minutes and fucking pound out. 1.00

02:31:12.000 Yeah, there's a thing about the cold exposure is people get really excited about how you feel afterwards. 0.96

02:31:18.000 Yeah.

02:31:18.000 Because when the rush of all your blood goes to your core to try to keep your organs alive, and then you get out and it all floods to your body, you feel amazing.

02:31:27.000 Yeah.

02:31:28.000 And that was explained to me by Dr. Rhonda Patrick.

02:31:32.000 Shout out to Rhonda Patrick. 1.00

02:31:33.000 Shout out to her.

02:31:34.000 That woman's a... 1.00

02:31:35.000 She's an amazing person.

02:31:36.000 I've texted her a million times and thank you to that woman.

02:31:39.000 She's always replied and been like...

02:31:40.000 Maybe you don't want...

02:31:42.000 You should try the sauna.

02:31:44.000 She's super cool.

02:31:46.000 I've been friends with her forever.

02:31:48.000 She's a fascinating person.

02:31:49.000 But one of the things that I had a chance to do was see her first time ever in a cryo chamber.

02:31:55.000 I took her to cryotherapy in Woodland Hills after the podcast.

02:31:59.000 We all went down there.

02:32:00.000 And Jamie, you went in there too, right?

02:32:01.000 Didn't we all go in there that day?

02:32:03.000 We all went in there, and she did three minutes, and she came out, and she's like, oh my god!

02:32:07.000 Okay, now I get it.

02:32:08.000 And she's like, as a scientist, she's explaining, oh my god, the norepinephrine is running through my veins. 1.00

02:32:13.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:32:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was pretty dope. 0.99

02:32:14.000 Didn't we film that?

02:32:16.000 Didn't I film her?

02:32:17.000 It's probably on your...

02:32:18.000 I think it's on the Instagram.

02:32:20.000 I'm 99% sure.

02:32:22.000 I would love to see that.

02:32:23.000 I filmed her coming out of the cryotherapy chamber the very first time she ever did it.

02:32:28.000 But that feeling is what, yeah, there it is.

02:32:30.000 That's her. 0.88

02:32:31.000 But I think there's a video, if you find out whatever that day is, it's like that same day.

02:32:36.000 Now, there was the same people on Ventura that I think Joey and I hooked up with.

02:32:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:32:42.000 Woodland Hills.

02:32:42.000 Is that where it is?

02:32:44.000 Yeah, Cryotherapy Woodland Hills.

02:32:45.000 And I'd go in and they'd recognize me and they're like, hey, Joey Diaz was just in here. 0.57

02:32:50.000 I was like, oh, you could pick your music and go in and just fucking jam out. 0.82

02:32:55.000 Every time, Foo Fighters. 0.98

02:32:56.000 Every time.

02:32:57.000 There goes my hero's socks and gloves on.

02:33:01.000 Oh, that's nice.

02:33:02.000 You know what my go-to song was?

02:33:04.000 What?

02:33:05.000 Dragon Attack by Queen. 0.78

02:33:07.000 Wait, what's that song?

02:33:08.000 Oh my God, you don't know that song?

02:33:09.000 Uh-uh.

02:33:10.000 Well, since we're on Spotify. 1.00

02:33:11.000 Oh, shut up. 0.99

02:33:12.000 Young Jamie, get Dragon Attack. 1.00

02:33:14.000 Listen, we'll find out.

02:33:15.000 They haven't kicked us off yet.

02:33:18.000 Dude, I'm still living off Fear Factor Money.

02:33:20.000 I'm ready to go!

02:33:22.000 Let's go!

02:33:25.000 This is my freezing to death music.

02:33:28.000 250 degrees below zero.

02:33:30.000 I'd have oven mitts on, mitts on, and then I would have the earmuffs on.

02:33:34.000 You have to put the earmuffs on because you want to keep your ears from freezing and your hands.

02:33:38.000 And then I would always put my hands right over my junk because that would also get cold.

02:33:41.000 It doesn't make sense.

02:33:42.000 Yeah.

02:33:45.000 And I would dance.

02:33:48.000 Oh, this is a good song.

02:33:49.000 This is my song.

02:33:51.000 This is my I'm freezing to death song.

02:33:55.000 I knew exactly where it would cut off.

02:33:57.000 Really?

02:33:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:33:58.000 Sometimes it'd be a problem.

02:34:00.000 I would need another song.

02:34:01.000 It's 4 minutes and 27 seconds, so I had a lot of songs that were like 2.30, like some old school ACDC songs that didn't quite make it to like 3 minutes.

02:34:10.000 But this is a good solid...

02:34:11.000 So hear me, freezing to death.

02:34:15.000 God.

02:34:16.000 With a mask on, by the way.

02:34:17.000 It was my first experience with surgical masks.

02:34:19.000 Oh.

02:34:22.000 This is a good freezing song.

02:34:26.000 It's good because a lot of people don't know about it too.

02:34:28.000 I found out about this song from Joey Diaz.

02:34:29.000 He pulled into the Comedy Store pocket and goes, Cocksocker, come listen to this. 1.00

02:34:33.000 He goes, Dragon Attack, motherfucker! 0.99

02:34:38.000 Joey Diaz should be on Spotify and just do a Joey Diaz DJ channel. 0.99

02:34:43.000 Oh my god, it'd be the most amazing show on Spotify.

02:34:45.000 Because he's so good at walking you through a song.

02:34:47.000 Oh my god.

02:34:48.000 And he's a giant music fan.

02:34:50.000 Hardcore.

02:34:50.000 That'd probably be the best thing that he could ever do.

02:34:53.000 Other than his comedy, Joey Diaz doing a podcast where he just breaks down music.

02:34:57.000 How great would it be?

02:34:58.000 You come home late night, right?

02:34:59.000 You come home from the store with a comedy club and you get back to your man cave and you smoke a little weed, get a cocktail.

02:35:05.000 Uncle Joey Radio.

02:35:08.000 Just call it Uncle Jody Radio.

02:35:10.000 And have him on Spotify with all of his favorite music.

02:35:13.000 And then tell stories. 0.98

02:35:15.000 Tell stories about how Robert Plant used to go on stage every night wearing the shirt of the girl he fucked the day before. 0.99

02:35:20.000 Dude, or a Joey Diaz pump you up. 1.00

02:35:24.000 Let me tell you something, cocksucker. 1.00

02:35:25.000 We're fucking America. 1.00

02:35:27.000 And you hear fucking Ramblin' Man come on. 1.00

02:35:30.000 Can you play Ramblin' Man by... 0.99

02:35:32.000 No, no, no, no.

02:35:35.000 By Ramblin' Gamblin' Man by...

02:35:37.000 Not that one, not that one.

02:35:39.000 That's the Army Brothers, dude.

02:35:41.000 Joey Diaz turned me on to... 0.99

02:35:43.000 Goddamn Fogarty. 0.99

02:35:46.000 What's the guy's name? 1.00

02:35:48.000 Ramblin' Gamblin' Man. 0.99

02:35:48.000 Who sings it? 0.99

02:35:50.000 Joey Diaz should definitely do this.

02:35:55.000 You talking about Bob Seger?

02:35:57.000 Bob Seger.

02:35:58.000 Joey Diaz.

02:36:00.000 Joey Diaz, tell you a story.

02:36:01.000 I ain't good looking, but you know I ain't shy.

02:36:05.000 Listen, man. 1.00

02:36:06.000 Let me tell you something, cocksucker. 1.00

02:36:07.000 1969. We're fucking Americans! 1.00

02:36:10.000 This city was built on Detroit! 1.00

02:36:12.000 People got confused about Bob Seger because of that, like, lack of rock.

02:36:17.000 This is the real Bob Seger.

02:36:20.000 I was born lonely.

02:36:21.000 I was born lonely down by the riverside.

02:36:25.000 I was just 13 when I had to leave home.

02:36:32.000 I was born lonely down by the riverside.

02:36:34.000 I had to roam.

02:36:36.000 Ain't good looking.

02:36:37.000 But you know I ain't shy.

02:36:39.000 Ain't afraid to look for.

02:36:40.000 On the green!

02:36:41.000 This is Joey Diaz!

02:36:43.000 Love this!

02:36:45.000 And I give it right away.

02:36:46.000 Take a little time now.

02:36:48.000 And maybe I'll stay.

02:36:50.000 But I got you real more.

02:36:52.000 Gambling man!

02:36:55.000 Ramblin', gambling man!

02:36:58.000 The best part of this song?

02:36:59.000 There's no, like, all of a sudden it goes from this to...

02:37:02.000 Ready?

02:37:03.000 Turn it up, turn it up.

02:37:04.000 Here we go.

02:37:05.000 Here we go.

02:37:11.000 This is... 0.99

02:37:12.000 Joey Diaz needs a fucking Spotify channel where he just DJs. 0.99

02:37:16.000 Because the way he can inspire you, when you go to it... 0.99

02:37:19.000 Keep that on, keep that on.

02:37:20.000 You go to that...

02:37:22.000 Come on, honey. 1.00

02:37:22.000 Let's see if we get sued. 1.00

02:37:24.000 We're trying to promote music.

02:37:26.000 We're trying to promote Spotify.

02:37:27.000 This is Spotify. 1.00

02:37:28.000 I like that it sounds like shit. 1.00

02:37:30.000 Because it seems like someone's cassette deck. 0.99

02:37:32.000 Like I'm sitting in a 69 Camaro.

02:37:35.000 Joey Diaz, when you'd go and you'd eat too many edibles with him or smoke weed, and he'd give you a...

02:37:39.000 Let me tell you something about Roseanne Ball! 0.98

02:37:42.000 And he's just fucking going to rant? 0.99

02:37:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:37:45.000 No, listen, man.

02:37:45.000 I've learned a lot about music from Joey Diaz.

02:37:48.000 I've learned a lot about life from Joey Diaz.

02:37:51.000 My dad eats weed because of Joey Diaz.

02:37:53.000 I'm trying to get Joey Diaz to move to Texas.

02:37:56.000 It's going to take some time.

02:37:57.000 I've got a strategy, though.

02:38:00.000 Got to open up my club first.

02:38:02.000 It's been a nightmare.

02:38:04.000 I'm an entrepreneur over here, Bert Breischer.

02:38:07.000 Is it because it was on an Indian burial ground or something?

02:38:11.000 Yeah, it was a Stephen King movie.

02:38:13.000 I was in a Stephen King movie.

02:38:15.000 Oh my god.

02:38:16.000 I'll explain to you afterwards.

02:38:17.000 I'm under a non-disclosure agreement.

02:38:20.000 I can't discuss it on the Al Gore's internets.

02:38:24.000 Those NDAs. 1.00

02:38:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:38:26.000 Did you see Biden got a booster? 1.00

02:38:28.000 Biden got a booster today.

02:38:30.000 No way.

02:38:31.000 He said they've given like a billion shots.

02:38:33.000 Maybe he's talking about the whole world.

02:38:38.000 I love when Biden starts talking numbers.

02:38:40.000 The guy's doing bang up work.

02:38:42.000 Probably the best work ever.

02:38:46.000 When Kyle Dunnigan does Biden impressions.

02:38:50.000 Kyle Dunnigan's gold.

02:38:51.000 Gold.

02:38:52.000 Gold.

02:38:52.000 There's a few guys that have emerged from this pandemic stronger because of it.

02:38:57.000 Let's name him.

02:38:58.000 Andrew Schultz.

02:38:59.000 Oh.

02:38:59.000 100%.

02:39:00.000 I mean, not as MMA commentating so much, but yeah, you know.

02:39:02.000 He's doing a lot. 0.99

02:39:03.000 He's stirring up some shit. 0.99

02:39:05.000 Listen, he's my homie, and Valentina Shevchenko's going to be on the podcast soon. 0.99

02:39:10.000 No one's a bigger Valentina Shevchenko, I would say, nut rider than me, but she's a woman. 0.72

02:39:15.000 Yeah. 0.87

02:39:16.000 If she was a man, I would say I was a nut rider.

02:39:18.000 Yeah.

02:39:20.000 Schultz is great, man.

02:39:21.000 I love that guy.

02:39:21.000 I love him.

02:39:22.000 He's just talking shit. 1.00

02:39:23.000 He was funny as fuck, man. 1.00

02:39:25.000 I saw him film a special down here at the Paramount. 0.99

02:39:28.000 He filmed a special right here in Austin.

02:39:30.000 Yeah, it was awesome.

02:39:31.000 He added two shows, right?

02:39:33.000 Yeah, well, we talked about it.

02:39:35.000 I think a person filming a special should do four shows.

02:39:38.000 That's just my opinion.

02:39:39.000 Booyah.

02:39:40.000 Yeah, and I think the reason why is if you do four shows, you feel comfortable enough that you're not under the gun.

02:39:45.000 And I always go back to this, and I go back to this as a giant Bill Hicks fan, but I remember Bill Hicks, Relentless.

02:39:50.000 I'm pretty sure they only filmed one show in London at a giant theater.

02:39:55.000 And I felt like he was tight.

02:39:57.000 He was sweating, right?

02:39:58.000 Well, it's not sweating doesn't bother me.

02:40:00.000 It does, me.

02:40:01.000 And I sweat on my first special. 0.79

02:40:02.000 But it's, like, sometimes the AC's all fucked up or whatever.

02:40:04.000 I don't think it's a nerves thing.

02:40:06.000 I think he was...

02:40:06.000 No, no, no, no.

02:40:07.000 I just mean he was tight.

02:40:08.000 Yeah.

02:40:09.000 He was tight.

02:40:10.000 It didn't seem like loose Bill Hicks.

02:40:12.000 Like, there's a...

02:40:13.000 You can say a thing and be slightly uncomfortable and the audience...

02:40:19.000 Knows you're slightly uncomfortable or you can say the exact same thing and be loose as a goose and the audience gets it and they're with you and it's with with no hesitation because It's a dance like the and sometimes you step on people's toes and the the set goes weird and your best chance for that not happening My opinion after doing a bunch of specials is four shows because when you do four shows,

02:40:46.000 you know, you got it in the bag.

02:40:47.000 Yeah Like, Triggered, I used most of, like, one show.

02:40:51.000 Because it was like, I like that one the most.

02:40:53.000 And it was like, one bit.

02:40:54.000 How many did you do for Triggered?

02:40:55.000 I did four.

02:40:57.000 I did four for...

02:40:59.000 I started doing four in 2016. Because I did two in 2014, and one of them was Lady Heckler.

02:41:07.000 Rocky Mountain High?

02:41:08.000 Yeah, it was a great, it was a fun time.

02:41:10.000 The audience was awesome.

02:41:11.000 It wasn't even her fault.

02:41:13.000 It was like someone who was telling the crowd, like, they said something, they were just trying to prep everybody before the show, and they said something that they might not, it might have not been a good idea.

02:41:24.000 They said, like, Try not to yell out too much.

02:41:28.000 And I'm like, oh, don't say too much.

02:41:31.000 Say please don't yell anything out because this is a filming.

02:41:35.000 This is all you say.

02:41:36.000 And he made it almost like a challenge.

02:41:39.000 If you're a person, you've had a cup of cocktails, you think, I'm going to contribute to the show.

02:41:43.000 Maybe you've never even been to a comedy show.

02:41:45.000 But she heckled to this part of the bit where it makes sense what I'm saying if you just let me keep saying it.

02:41:51.000 Like, don't get mad now.

02:41:53.000 In a few seconds, you're going to understand where I'm going.

02:41:56.000 It's a setup for a bit. 0.99

02:41:58.000 I'm like, fuck, now I only have one show. 0.89

02:42:00.000 And the second show, I was like, I have to have that bit because it was like a cornerstone of my set. 0.98

02:42:04.000 I was like, I've got to get that bit out.

02:42:06.000 Luckily, nobody heckled me in the second show.

02:42:08.000 Rocky Mountain High was a great special.

02:42:09.000 I was on Comedy Central, I watched it on my iPad on my couch, and you had a bit about religion, correct?

02:42:15.000 I'm sure I did.

02:42:16.000 You had a bit about religion, but what was interesting about your bit about religion, and this, I see Bill Maher's name's written right here, I don't know who you had last year, but what's interesting about it is you had a take on it But it wasn't super disrespectful.

02:42:30.000 And I liked that.

02:42:31.000 I thought it was really one of those things in comedy.

02:42:33.000 There's a few points in comedy as a comic that you watch other comics and you get inspired by the way they're working.

02:42:40.000 And you as a guy that has always had an angle, a take.

02:42:43.000 You talked about religion, but the way you did it was really...

02:42:45.000 I really was inspired by that Rocky Mountain High.

02:42:49.000 I remember where I was when I was watching it. 0.99

02:42:51.000 I guarantee I was just talking shit to be funny. 0.98

02:42:53.000 I don't know what I said. 0.99

02:42:54.000 I probably don't even believe what I said.

02:42:55.000 No, but it was like...

02:42:57.000 I don't remember the bit.

02:42:58.000 I don't remember the bit either, but there's a few bits that you go as a comic.

02:43:03.000 I was just talking...

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 28, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1

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Transcript