The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 2

00:00:13.000 I don't remember the bit either, but there's a few bits that you go as a comic. 0.92

00:00:19.000 I was just talking with Joe Coy about this, where you get inspired by the comics, where you go, God damn, man, I'm not working hard enough.

00:00:27.000 I'm not doing enough.

00:00:28.000 That's why it's good to see people that are really good, right?

00:00:30.000 Because you get that juice.

00:00:31.000 Just like that fuel that you get from Goggins, you get that fuel from watching Chappelle or watching Bill Burr.

00:00:36.000 Or watching you guys all touring and doing these big shows.

00:00:39.000 It's interesting.

00:00:40.000 It's exciting.

00:00:41.000 But we have to resist the idea of being jealous because it's so common in our world.

00:00:50.000 Or just subtly cunty or taking shots at kings.

00:00:55.000 Tom and I talk about this on Two Bears, One K that's coming up.

00:01:01.000 But Chris Rock got so big for a while that I think people stopped paying the respect he deserved.

00:01:07.000 100%.

00:01:08.000 And when he got COVID, I realized just how important Chris Rock was to me.

00:01:15.000 Because I think Norm had just passed, and I was the biggest Norm fan in the world. 0.95

00:01:19.000 And then Chris Rock got sick, and I did a deep dive on my own head of just how fucking great that guy is.

00:01:27.000 Well, if you go back to, like, Bigger and Blacker, or you go back to... 1.00

00:01:31.000 Bring the pain.

00:01:32.000 Bring the pain.

00:01:33.000 Those are two of the best specials of all time.

00:01:35.000 Like, if you want to look at your top ten comedians of all time, in my opinion, you have to have Chris Rock in there.

00:01:41.000 Without a doubt.

00:01:42.000 There's no questions about it.

00:01:43.000 You know who's the dark horse?

00:01:45.000 Hold on.

00:01:46.000 Give me a second.

00:01:48.000 I have a lot of dark horses, but I don't know...

00:01:50.000 Martin Lawrence.

00:01:52.000 Martin Lawrence in the 1990s.

00:01:54.000 So...

00:01:54.000 People forgot.

00:01:55.000 You Must Be Crazy? 1.00

00:01:56.000 Dude. 1.00

00:01:57.000 Are You So Crazy, rather? 1.00

00:01:58.000 You So Crazy? 0.95

00:01:59.000 And he had, like, a couple other specials that were on that same level. 0.72

00:02:02.000 He had, like...

00:02:04.000 Two or three specials that were like lightning bolts.

00:02:07.000 And it's hard because you've got to compare them for the time.

00:02:10.000 Comedy is a weird thing, man. 0.97

00:02:13.000 Even comedy movies from the 80s or 90s that you thought were the shit, some of them just don't hold up for whatever reason. 0.96

00:02:20.000 And stand-up comedy, a lot of it just seems different because the culture is so different. 0.97

00:02:25.000 Everything's evolving and changing so fast.

00:02:28.000 It's hard.

00:02:29.000 But...

00:02:30.000 There's a few guys from the 1990s that would just obliterate, like you forgot how good comics can be.

00:02:39.000 And I remember I saw Martin Lawrence at the Comedy Store many times, like seven, ten times when he was in his prime.

00:02:49.000 Somewhere around then, I remember he would come by and just sell out the main room and you would just sit there and watch him murder.

00:02:56.000 I mean murder.

00:02:57.000 I wish I'd seen that.

00:02:58.000 Like people falling out of chairs.

00:03:00.000 I mean screaming in agony because they're laughing so hard.

00:03:05.000 And it was, you know, this was 1994. Martin Lawrence was the king, dude.

00:03:10.000 I'm telling you.

00:03:11.000 The thing that Chris Rock brought, and once again I'm- But hold on, let me tell you something before we go any further.

00:03:18.000 Yeah.

00:03:18.000 One of the things that happened to Chris Rock was he had to follow Martin Lawrence.

00:03:25.000 At the store?

00:03:26.000 No, no.

00:03:26.000 They did a show together.

00:03:28.000 And Chris Rock talked about it.

00:03:29.000 He talked about how it forced him to tighten up his act.

00:03:32.000 Because he had to follow Martin Lawrence.

00:03:34.000 And he realized, no disrespect intended, white people.

00:03:38.000 He realized that he said that he'd been playing in too many white rooms.

00:03:42.000 And he realized he had gotten a little bit lazy or maybe a little slower than he should be.

00:03:48.000 Whatever, he had developed a style that maybe wasn't...

00:03:51.000 He saw Martin crush, and then he had a hard time after him.

00:03:54.000 And then after that, you get some of the greatest Chris Rock performances of all time.

00:03:59.000 After that, you get Bring the Pain.

00:04:01.000 After that, you get Bigger and Blacker. 1.00

00:04:03.000 After that, you get some of the greatest bits ever.

00:04:06.000 So he...

00:04:08.000 Like, every time you've bombed...

00:04:11.000 How many times...

00:04:11.000 Here it goes right here.

00:04:12.000 He goes, one night in Chicago, as usual, I was the headliner, and on this night, my opening act was an up-and-coming comic named Martin Lawrence.

00:04:20.000 Now, normally...

00:04:22.000 I never used to watch the opening acts, but I was in my dressing room and I heard a roar.

00:04:26.000 I got up to see what was going on.

00:04:28.000 I thought it was a fight or something, so I got up and went to the side of the stage.

00:04:32.000 When I got there, I realized it wasn't a fight.

00:04:35.000 It was people laughing so hard that the building was shaking.

00:04:38.000 People were crying, standing, stomping their feet, screaming laughter.

00:04:43.000 I was terrified. 1.00

00:04:44.000 It was like watching somebody fucking your wife with a bigger dick. 1.00

00:04:51.000 That's how good Martin Lawrence was. 1.00

00:04:52.000 I followed Martin Lawrence almost every time I worked on a night with Martin Lawrence.

00:04:57.000 Mitzi always made me follow Martin Lawrence.

00:04:59.000 I never bombed harder in my life.

00:05:02.000 With three-quarters of the audience is walking out as you're going on stage.

00:05:05.000 I mean, three-quarters.

00:05:06.000 That's how good Martin Lawrence was in the 1990s.

00:05:08.000 I'm telling you, dude.

00:05:10.000 I'm telling you.

00:05:11.000 I would watch him and I was like, this guy is hitting some crazy RPMs.

00:05:17.000 You know, if you have a sports car, like 8,000 RPMs is crazy.

00:05:20.000 Some of them go to 9. Some of them are like...

00:05:22.000 You're like, how long can you go at that RPM? Like, Martin Lawrence was on this wild RPM where he was crushing so hard, but then he had a bunch of issues.

00:05:37.000 And then he had a show, Martin, and then he had a bunch of issues.

00:05:41.000 You know, he had like a breakdown, right?

00:05:43.000 Remember that?

00:05:44.000 I do.

00:05:45.000 Is there a stroke or something?

00:05:47.000 No, no, no, no.

00:05:48.000 I mean, maybe.

00:05:48.000 I don't know about that.

00:05:50.000 I think he had a stroke in a sweatsuit or something.

00:05:51.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:05:52.000 I think he had some sort of a manic attack.

00:05:55.000 And he got arrested from wearing a sweatsuit.

00:05:58.000 No, no.

00:05:59.000 It was like a wetsuit.

00:06:00.000 He fell into a coma.

00:06:01.000 He fell into a coma.

00:06:02.000 Heat exhaustion.

00:06:03.000 From heat exhaustion.

00:06:04.000 For preparing for Big Mama's house. 0.81

00:06:06.000 So he was losing weight?

00:06:07.000 Is that what he was doing with the wetsuit on?

00:06:10.000 He had to go on a ventilator.

00:06:11.000 Jesus Christ.

00:06:13.000 But didn't they think that he had some episode?

00:06:17.000 Am I making that up?

00:06:18.000 Well, his body temperature went up to 107 degrees, so something that could have...

00:06:21.000 No, I mean like a mental episode.

00:06:23.000 I mean, that made him think that that was a good idea to do, maybe.

00:06:26.000 I don't want to judge him.

00:06:28.000 Maybe we ought to edit this. 1.00

00:06:29.000 Shit! 1.00

00:06:31.000 Too much editing. 1.00

00:06:32.000 See, my thing with Martin Lawrence is...

00:06:36.000 Is that Martin Lawrence seemed like someone that was a God gift to him, right?

00:06:40.000 The guy was just meant to entertain.

00:06:42.000 He was super duper talented, but he also worked really hard, man.

00:06:45.000 But the thing with a guy like Martin Lawrence or Jay-Z, it doesn't seem like they work hard.

00:06:50.000 Richard Pryor or Eddie Griffin.

00:06:51.000 It seems like it just is what they do.

00:06:54.000 Well, it's that too.

00:06:56.000 There's a lot of those just what they do guys that never get to that level.

00:07:00.000 What separates a guy like that You know from a guy who's just a funny dude that we all know that we hang around with at the store There's always a guy who's just like really good and they go on stage They're really good, but they never figure out how to like get to a place like those guys What's the difference with the difference for me?

00:07:18.000 I mean I know for a fact my difference is when I saw Chris Rock they talk about how he trained for a special I was like, oh, yeah, that's that he would bring in comics and pay them to watch his set and give him notes and He was working in collaboration with other people.

00:07:34.000 He had a group of peers and he would throw his ideas at them and say, you know, what do you think about it?

00:07:39.000 DePaulo, maybe?

00:07:40.000 It's brilliant.

00:07:41.000 DePaulo, Rich Voss, Richard Jenny was a big one.

00:07:44.000 There was a thing that happened.

00:07:46.000 Oh, it says, Lawrence ran into traffic in Los Angeles screaming and acting like a madman.

00:07:50.000 That's what I remember.

00:07:52.000 A loaded firearm?

00:07:52.000 Yes, that's right.

00:07:54.000 Big Mama's house actor also had a loaded firearm in his possession.

00:07:58.000 Lawrence was removed from the scene by law enforcement and hospitalized.

00:08:02.000 Martin was yelling, fight you know, don't give up, fight the power, or something like that.

00:08:08.000 A witness told KCOW. He was shouting some obscenities or something.

00:08:13.000 Maybe he's just doing his act.

00:08:15.000 Maybe he's working on a bit.

00:08:16.000 Yeah.

00:08:16.000 I'm a Martin Lawrence fan, up and down.

00:08:19.000 Listen, dude, I'm telling you, I am too, but I just think it's hard to be that good. 0.99

00:08:23.000 I think there's something about being that good as a guitarist, or something to be that good as a tennis player, or a bike rider, whatever the fuck you are. 0.96

00:08:32.000 I was just talking to a friend of mine about Tour de France. 0.99

00:08:37.000 And about Lance Armstrong, like how crazy you have to be to be that good?

00:08:41.000 Like to be that good against other people who are just like you? 1.00

00:08:44.000 Like you have to be so goddamn driven that you're better than all these other insanely driven motherfuckers. 0.99

00:08:51.000 Like you're dealing with like insane RPMs, man. 1.00

00:08:54.000 Fucking insane. 1.00

00:08:56.000 Insane. 1.00

00:08:57.000 But that's the case with anybody who's really good at anything.

00:09:01.000 And I think with a guy like Martin Lawrence, I'm telling you, dude, he was so good in the 90s.

00:09:04.000 Like how long can you keep that up?

00:09:07.000 How long can you be that good?

00:09:08.000 I don't know if there was a track record for that.

00:09:11.000 I don't think anyone looked at the longevity.

00:09:13.000 Pryor was the only guy that had a real longevity that was a wild man.

00:09:19.000 Pryor was a guy who lit himself on fire.

00:09:23.000 Jesus.

00:09:23.000 Pryor was a guy who had heart attacks and did bits about it and did crazy amounts of cocaine and free-based.

00:09:37.000 So wait, here's my question then.

00:09:39.000 So like I know my heroes.

00:09:41.000 My heroes are always the flawed dudes like Pryor, Belushi, Farley, John Daly, like the guys that are just, the golfer by the way, but like the guys are always flawed.

00:09:53.000 I know one of the things you do is really important to you is being disciplined.

00:09:58.000 Who are your heroes?

00:10:00.000 It's like a weird word, right?

00:10:02.000 I prefer to say, like, who do I admire?

00:10:07.000 And I admire people all over.

00:10:09.000 I think it's...

00:10:11.000 It's one of those things like if you want to try your best to be a balanced person, you've got to investigate all the different aspects of your interests and your personality.

00:10:24.000 I have a lot of heroes.

00:10:30.000 I think?

00:10:46.000 Goggins is one of those.

00:10:48.000 Cam Haynes is one of those.

00:10:49.000 Rhonda Patrick is one of those.

00:10:51.000 Graham Hancock is one of those.

00:10:52.000 Randall Carlson is one of those.

00:10:53.000 There's like a lot of people that I know that are these insanely unique voices.

00:10:58.000 Sam Harris is one of those.

00:11:00.000 Brett Weinstein is one of those.

00:11:01.000 Eric Weinstein is one of those.

00:11:02.000 There's a lot of them.

00:11:03.000 I can keep going forever, but they're unique people that bring a perspective that I go, oh, wow.

00:11:08.000 Like now I can see things in a light that I didn't see before.

00:11:12.000 But I feel like, as a person, it's important to encounter all sorts of different perspectives, like the pacifist perspective as well as the warrior's perspective.

00:11:23.000 I want to talk to a person who doesn't even want to eat meat.

00:11:27.000 They don't want to eat plants.

00:11:29.000 They want to eat just fruit because they know that doesn't kill the plant.

00:11:32.000 Like, there's people that literally live off fruit.

00:11:34.000 I want to talk to them as much as I want to talk to the people that only eat meat. 1.00

00:11:38.000 But the people that only eat meat seem like more interesting.

00:11:41.000 They have more energy.

00:11:44.000 They can get through the day.

00:11:46.000 They're dying. 0.99

00:11:46.000 I don't know if you should only eat fruit, but my point is I want to talk to as many fucking humans as possible that give me more insight, not just to them, but also to me. 0.99

00:11:58.000 I think the more weird people you talk to or the more things that people admit to you, the more you start to think about your own self. 0.98

00:12:05.000 And that's when I start thinking about really judgmental people and really angry people and really bitter and shitty people.

00:12:12.000 What are you trying to do? 0.99

00:12:14.000 Because are you trying to improve yourself or are you trying to shit on all the people around you? 0.98

00:12:18.000 I don't think they have an angle. 0.98

00:12:22.000 I don't mean it's shitty to them, but I don't think they have an angle.

00:12:26.000 I know for a fact it's terrifying to create your own content.

00:12:29.000 I mean, to create your own content is...

00:12:33.000 There are a lot of times you're going to fail. 0.97

00:12:35.000 I think it's easier to shit on people because I know I've done it. 0.99

00:12:39.000 I've done it. 0.99

00:12:40.000 I've definitely done it on Two Bears One Cave.

00:12:42.000 We've all done it.

00:12:42.000 On this podcast, on my podcast.

00:12:44.000 It's fun. 1.00

00:12:45.000 It's fun to shit on people. 1.00

00:12:46.000 We've all done it. 1.00

00:12:47.000 Yeah.

00:12:48.000 Especially if they kind of deserve it a little bit.

00:12:50.000 And it's also a self-correcting mechanism for culture.

00:12:53.000 People think what you're doing is whack.

00:12:54.000 They let you know and you're like, ah, and maybe you grow from it. 0.98

00:12:57.000 And sometimes you get the self-correcting bullshit and you're like, oh yeah, that's right. 0.97

00:13:02.000 Yeah, man. 0.95

00:13:02.000 I don't listen to all my podcasts. 0.95

00:13:04.000 You can also hear how other people see you or think of you.

00:13:07.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 It's a fine line between letting yourself shine and then humbling yourself for a place that maybe isn't the right place.

00:13:16.000 I think instead of letting yourself, doing your best, doing your best, but recognizing that your best is always going to be imperfect because you're a human, so you're going to stumble.

00:13:25.000 Yeah.

00:13:25.000 So the most important thing is if you do stumble, to let everybody know that you stumbled.

00:13:29.000 Don't try to pretend you didn't stumble.

00:13:31.000 That's when I can't trust you anymore.

00:13:32.000 It doesn't work.

00:13:33.000 It doesn't work in the media.

00:13:35.000 It doesn't work in anything.

00:13:37.000 When someone stumbles, they have to admit they stumbled.

00:13:40.000 It's not a bold thing.

00:13:41.000 It's the only thing.

00:13:43.000 If they don't trust you, if you're not honest, if they don't trust what you're saying to be how you really feel, they're not going to listen.

00:13:50.000 There's too many other people to listen to.

00:13:51.000 Why would they listen to you?

00:13:53.000 So just tell them the truth.

00:13:54.000 Just tell them the truth about how you feel. 1.00

00:13:55.000 If you fuck up, just say, that sucked. 1.00

00:13:57.000 And then they go, oh, Bert Kreischer's a fucking normal human. 1.00

00:14:01.000 He's just like me. 0.98

00:14:02.000 He realizes that he has good days and bad days, and he makes mistakes, and he's in a self-correcting learning process.

00:14:09.000 And there's no finish.

00:14:11.000 There's no end.

00:14:12.000 As a human being, you get to a point where you're done.

00:14:14.000 You're not done.

00:14:15.000 And we think we're done.

00:14:16.000 We get limited by that.

00:14:18.000 And then you see people who don't want to try anything new.

00:14:20.000 Well, I'm 52. Why would I learn a new language?

00:14:23.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:14:24.000 Get the fuck out. 0.99

00:14:25.000 Go outside. 0.99

00:14:26.000 Learn how to fly fish. 1.00

00:14:28.000 Learn how to fucking find birds. 1.00

00:14:30.000 Learn what mushrooms won't kill you when you eat them. 1.00

00:14:32.000 Go learn some shit. 1.00

00:14:33.000 Or take mushrooms. 1.00

00:14:34.000 Yeah, that too. 1.00

00:14:35.000 But fucking go. 0.99

00:14:36.000 Do something. 0.99

00:14:37.000 Don't just be defined by these cultural perspectives on how long you're expected to live and where you're supposed to be at various stages of your life.

00:14:45.000 Whether it's 40 or 50 or 60. Just be free.

00:14:48.000 Do what the fuck you can do. 0.98

00:14:50.000 I got into a conversation and someone was trying to explain, they were trying to tell me what my brand was, and I was like, I don't know if, and I correct, I didn't correct, I don't know whatever the fuck I said, but I was like, brand is a lazy term for authenticity. 0.99

00:15:05.000 If you want to say authenticity, I'll try to be as authentic as I am.

00:15:08.000 Like, I know what I like, I know what I dig, I like flip flops, I make my own flip flops.

00:15:13.000 That's what I like, right?

00:15:14.000 I make my own flip flops.

00:15:15.000 I like flip flops, you know?

00:15:18.000 I was talking to Yeti.

00:15:19.000 I might have been talking to Yeti. 1.00

00:15:20.000 And they were like, I was like, I like your shit, man. 1.00

00:15:23.000 I like your shit. 1.00

00:15:23.000 They have dope coolers. 1.00

00:15:24.000 They're amazing coolers.

00:15:25.000 Great tumblers. 1.00

00:15:26.000 Their growlers are fucking... 1.00

00:15:28.000 Excellent. 1.00

00:15:28.000 Amazing. 1.00

00:15:29.000 Load up a device before you go through the airport.

00:15:31.000 It's a free Yeti ad.

00:15:32.000 I like their coffee cups, too.

00:15:33.000 The little coffee cups, the little lid thing on them.

00:15:35.000 Their coffee cups are gangster!

00:15:37.000 Very good.

00:15:37.000 Solid products.

00:15:38.000 Are you saying Yeti's my brand? 1.00

00:15:40.000 Well, yeah, I like their shit. 1.00

00:15:42.000 They're my favorite shit. 1.00

00:15:43.000 I went to buy a cooler this week, and unfortunately, they were out of Yeti's. 1.00

00:15:47.000 Really? 0.99

00:15:48.000 Yeah, to buy some fucking other fake-ass cooler. 0.99

00:15:51.000 Oh, dude. 1.00

00:15:52.000 They sold them out.

00:15:52.000 That's the problem.

00:15:53.000 We traveled to Yeti, because when Dave does barbecue, you can close it up in a Yeti with some paper...

00:16:02.000 What are you saying?

00:16:03.000 I don't know, Joe.

00:16:04.000 I don't know, Joe.

00:16:05.000 Aluminum foil or something?

00:16:06.000 Nope, not aluminum foil.

00:16:07.000 Paper.

00:16:07.000 Butcher paper.

00:16:08.000 Butcher paper, yeah.

00:16:09.000 And you can put it up in a Yeti. 1.00

00:16:10.000 He knows his shit. 1.00

00:16:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:11.000 Dave definitely knows his shit. 1.00

00:16:12.000 He knows his shit if he's putting it in a Yeti. 1.00

00:16:14.000 If he's putting it in a cooler, that's next level shit. 1.00

00:16:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:16:17.000 But brand is a lazy term for authenticity.

00:16:20.000 When we say cooler, it's not cooled, ladies and gentlemen.

00:16:23.000 It maintains the temperature of the brisket and allows it to slowly come to a resting point, right?

00:16:28.000 Yeah, you got to break through that... 0.95

00:16:30.000 That's some wild shit that they figured out that you should put it in a cooler after you're done cooking it for 10 minutes before you serve it up. 0.98

00:16:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:16:38.000 Isn't that wild?

00:16:39.000 There's something about, there's like a science to bringing it down to the perfect temperature right before they bring it to you.

00:16:45.000 Uh, dude.

00:16:47.000 Science.

00:16:47.000 I wish I knew the name of the place Tom and I went.

00:16:49.000 Black Smoke or something?

00:16:50.000 Terry Black's.

00:16:51.000 Terry Black's. 1.00

00:16:51.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:16:52.000 I love that place. 1.00

00:16:53.000 Tom and I went there yesterday.

00:16:54.000 That's my spot.

00:16:55.000 I know there's a lot of spots in Austin.

00:16:58.000 I'm sure I'll visit them all eventually.

00:17:00.000 But right now, if I want barbecue, I'm just not taking any chances.

00:17:04.000 Dude, it was.

00:17:05.000 I mean, if Dick tasted like Terry Black's, I'd have bruised knees.

00:17:10.000 It was so good.

00:17:12.000 It was so good.

00:17:12.000 It's the perfect temperature, right?

00:17:14.000 There's something that, like, there's an art to cooking something just right.

00:17:19.000 And that's what every... 0.99

00:17:20.000 Even if it's fucking a beet salad... 0.99

00:17:24.000 Right? 1.00

00:17:24.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:17:25.000 There's an art, like if someone brings you a roasted beet salad and those beets are just perfectly warmed up, like, oh, you fucking nailed it. 0.67

00:17:34.000 I ate until I was going to get sick. 0.95

00:17:36.000 I broke my belt.

00:17:37.000 I was like, I can't. 0.99

00:17:39.000 I'm fucking done. 0.98

00:17:41.000 Nice. 0.99

00:17:41.000 He got it. 0.99

00:17:43.000 Your tongue chases the brisket around your mouth because it starts crumbling and your tongue's going like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you guys going?

00:17:50.000 It's an art form, man.

00:17:52.000 It really is an art form.

00:17:54.000 And it's interesting how there's a bunch of different styles.

00:17:56.000 There's a Kansas City style.

00:17:59.000 There's a North Carolina style.

00:18:00.000 There's a Texas style.

00:18:03.000 Even in Texas, there's a Dallas, a Houston style.

00:18:07.000 Really?

00:18:07.000 Yeah, man.

00:18:08.000 These people are artists, and they've been around forever.

00:18:11.000 The Salt Lake was the place that we used to come around here.

00:18:14.000 If we were performing here, we'd perform here, and then we'd park out there in the night, in their parking lot, and then wake up and go have barbecue in the morning.

00:18:22.000 They let you park there?

00:18:24.000 Solid people.

00:18:25.000 Solid people?

00:18:26.000 Yeah.

00:18:26.000 Did you tell them you're coming?

00:18:28.000 I did a thing with them through Travel Channel.

00:18:30.000 Oh.

00:18:30.000 Met his daughter.

00:18:31.000 His daughter's a very sweet young lady.

00:18:32.000 And she would always kind of block off a spot for the tour bus.

00:18:35.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:18:36.000 And then go in, grab a growler from someone, throw it on the back of your wrist, glug, glug, glug, murder food, pass out on the tour bus, and head out to Houston.

00:18:44.000 Do they have the sausage, the jalapeno sausage?

00:18:47.000 Dude, when you look at that rig they have with the chain link fence and they raise it and lower it.

00:18:55.000 It's amazing the patience, that people had the patience to slow smoke things.

00:19:00.000 How did they figure that out?

00:19:04.000 What year did they figure out smoking?

00:19:07.000 It had to be an abundance of meat.

00:19:08.000 It had to be a big buffalo kill where they're like, all right, guys, we're going to eat for the next five days.

00:19:13.000 We're going to take our time on these.

00:19:15.000 Yeah, we're going to cook these over 22 hours. 1.00

00:19:19.000 What the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:19:21.000 They have people at Terry Blacks that are working there through the night, just flipping over briskets. 1.00

00:19:26.000 They got legal pads like this, and they're writing down which brisket going in at what time, and when they put the wraps on them, when they put the butcher paper on them.

00:19:35.000 My mouth's watering right now.

00:19:37.000 Dude, it's a science.

00:19:38.000 But it's also an art form because it's like these people get a wow rush at a sink.

00:19:43.000 Even the cutters, when they're slicing up that brisket and you see how juicy it is. 0.99

00:19:47.000 And they squeeze it like it's a fucking cream pie. 0.99

00:19:50.000 Like it's a tit. 1.00

00:19:51.000 Like it's a menstruating, no, lactating tit. 0.99

00:19:55.000 Menstruating tit.

00:19:58.000 Origin is believed that smoked meat can be traced back to primitive cavemen.

00:20:03.000 No.

00:20:04.000 Caves or huts did not have a chimney, so they'd be very smoky once the fire was discovered.

00:20:09.000 It is believed that the early cavemen would hang meat to dry in their homes and then accidentally discovered that the smoke would give the meat a different flavor.

00:20:19.000 Plus, it also helped to preserve the meat better.

00:20:23.000 That completely makes sense, doesn't it?

00:20:26.000 Later on, the process of smoking would be combined with the pre-curing the meat with a salty brine or simply salt.

00:20:34.000 Do you know they used to go to war for salt?

00:20:36.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:20:37.000 That was the thing they went to war for.

00:20:39.000 Because people would drive from Portugal all the way down the African coast.

00:20:43.000 To steal salt.

00:20:44.000 To get salt or like lavender.

00:20:47.000 They drove.

00:20:47.000 They had Hondas.

00:20:48.000 Did I say drive?

00:20:49.000 They had Honda Accords.

00:20:51.000 Pretty hammered.

00:20:54.000 And they had to deal with the old school Muslims. 1.00

00:20:57.000 I read a book about it.

00:20:58.000 I read a book about it. 1.00

00:20:59.000 You got me onto that fucking moonshine in the sun, in the war of the moon. 1.00

00:21:04.000 You got it. 1.00

00:21:05.000 Summer moon?

00:21:06.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:21:07.000 The fucking thing about Native Americans. 1.00

00:21:08.000 It's about the Comanches, right here in Texas. 1.00

00:21:11.000 And then I got into that, and we're on tour this summer, and I was like, I need more shit like that. 0.96

00:21:15.000 And someone's like, hey, check out this book about the Portuguese. 0.98

00:21:19.000 And it was like a panic attack inducing book.

00:21:23.000 The Portuguese basically committed hate crimes down the African coast to get around the corner to get lavender or cardamom. 1.00

00:21:32.000 And it's just...

00:21:34.000 I wish I knew that.

00:21:35.000 Oh, I bet it's in my thing.

00:21:36.000 People were ruthless back when there was no accountability.

00:21:41.000 When there was no books.

00:21:42.000 When there was no...

00:21:45.000 No one can write anything down, and if you did, you didn't have a printing press, you had to use a feather.

00:21:51.000 Look around, and one guy with a feather, you're like, hey man, can you not write this down?

00:21:55.000 Committed atrocities in my presence.

00:21:59.000 The Portuguese find this king.

00:22:02.000 I wish I knew the name of this book right now.

00:22:04.000 Portuguese find this king.

00:22:06.000 Conquerors?

00:22:07.000 Is it?

00:22:08.000 I think it is The Conquerors.

00:22:11.000 It's about Portugal?

00:22:13.000 It's in my iBooks, I'll tell you right now.

00:22:17.000 Is that it?

00:22:18.000 Is that it?

00:22:20.000 I'm certain it is.

00:22:22.000 Let me type it in my...

00:22:22.000 How Portugal forged the first global empire.

00:22:27.000 Just scroll out, it's right there.

00:22:29.000 It's on the actual Amazon page.

00:22:30.000 It's Conquerors by...

00:22:31.000 Roger Crowley.

00:22:33.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:22:35.000 So that was awesome, huh?

00:22:36.000 Dude, they...

00:22:37.000 Well, that's Brazil, you know.

00:22:39.000 Yeah.

00:22:40.000 And Portugal's a fascinating place to me because it took all the good property on Spain, but apparently what was good property at the time was that inside the nook area.

00:22:55.000 Like, to be inside Africa. 0.98

00:22:57.000 That trading area was important. 1.00

00:22:59.000 But Portugal has all the outside, so it's all the fishing, all the And they were on that coast, and they would go down, they'd go to a king, they'd be like, bring out all your daughters, we're gonna, we wanna fuck them. 0.99

00:23:10.000 And then the king would be like, huh? 0.99

00:23:13.000 And they'd be like, or we'll kill your entire village. 1.00

00:23:15.000 So the king would show up his daughters, they'd then take his daughters, they'd then shit in his mouth, put pork on a stick, shove it down his throat, then send him home. 1.00

00:23:26.000 By the way, I could be paraphrasing. 0.99

00:23:28.000 Did you hear it right?

00:23:29.000 I possibly did.

00:23:30.000 I hope you did.

00:23:31.000 By the way, that is...

00:23:33.000 I'm telling you when I say this, it woke me up in the middle of the night on tour that they were ruthless to these kings down the coast.

00:23:42.000 Here's the thing.

00:23:43.000 This is what I really believe. 1.00

00:23:44.000 I know the shit with the stick and the pork is 100% real and the daughter is shit and then send them back and then they just kill the motherfucker. 1.00

00:23:51.000 Here's what I think. 1.00

00:23:52.000 I think people are capable of that.

00:23:55.000 Wow.

00:23:56.000 Right now.

00:23:57.000 Really?

00:23:58.000 They just need to be driven by whatever external forces, whatever ideas, whatever ideology, or whatever necessity.

00:24:07.000 If they have starving children at home, if they feel like they've been invaded by foreigners that have ill intention, if they feel like their life is on the line, people get darker and darker depending upon how much pressure they feel under to defend themselves. 0.55

00:24:23.000 If you put people in a situation Where people are just at each other's throats.

00:24:28.000 People are capable of stuff that's completely out of character.

00:24:31.000 And I'm not equating this with murder and killing, but I'm equating this to how many people have you seen that are calling for unvaccinated people to not even be treated in hospitals?

00:24:42.000 Like, how insane is that?

00:24:43.000 There's a lot of people that have been doing that.

00:24:45.000 And it's a similar thing, where people just decide, it's time to be cruel. 0.99

00:24:50.000 It's time to let these people die.

00:24:52.000 Like, people have made jokes about it, about letting people die. 1.00

00:24:55.000 Really?

00:24:55.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:24:56.000 Because you would never do that about anything else. 0.99

00:24:58.000 Who the fuck would ever say, like... 0.98

00:25:00.000 There's a lot of people that have done this. 0.99

00:25:01.000 But I don't want to name any names, but there's a lot of people who've either made light of this or have sought out other people that have similar opinions and tried to get them on their side and say together, we need to deny these people medical treatment.

00:25:16.000 We need to shame these people.

00:25:18.000 We need to make these people feel bad.

00:25:22.000 But they don't do that with anything else when it comes to health.

00:25:25.000 They don't do that with people that are overweight.

00:25:26.000 They don't do that with people who smoke.

00:25:28.000 They don't do that with people who take drugs.

00:25:30.000 It's the one thing that they feel like they should be actively shaming people for.

00:25:36.000 And it gets very confusing because when people get mean like that and they say that people should be denied treatment in hospitals, Only because they're not vaccinated, and you don't say that about anything else,

00:25:52.000 I got to say, I don't know how you're thinking.

00:25:54.000 If you don't say that about obesity, you don't say that about alcohol abuse, smoking, only this decision.

00:26:01.000 This decision to not get vaccinated is the one that...

00:26:05.000 And you go, well, that's because they put everybody else in danger.

00:26:08.000 Again, I go back to this.

00:26:09.000 I think it came from a lab.

00:26:13.000 I thought everyone agreed on that, right? 1.00

00:26:16.000 I'm a moron. 1.00

00:26:18.000 I don't know if it came from a lab. 1.00

00:26:19.000 It might have come from nature, but I think that most of the scientists now believe it came from a lab.

00:26:23.000 So if that's the case, shouldn't we be more upset with that?

00:26:27.000 Shouldn't we be paying more attention to that?

00:26:30.000 Yeah.

00:26:33.000 If that's the protocol of people's life decisions dictate whether or not you treat them, it gets super problematic.

00:26:43.000 Especially for a guy like me.

00:26:46.000 Especially when there's a situation where people are trying to figure this out.

00:26:52.000 There's a lot of people that are scared of doctors, period.

00:26:56.000 They're scared of dentists. 0.59

00:26:57.000 They're scared of all kinds of medical treatment.

00:26:59.000 There's a lot of people like that.

00:27:00.000 I don't think the best advice would ever be to shame those people in doing what you want them to do.

00:27:07.000 No.

00:27:08.000 Some people feel like that's what you have to do, but I feel like we've got to be very resistant, very hesitant, and we have to resist this idea of declaring other human beings as the other.

00:27:20.000 Because it's a real instinct that a lot of us have. 0.90

00:27:24.000 So real instinct that we have when we're dealing with people that root for other teams, like people in Philadelphia are notorious for beating the fuck out of like teams that like fans come from somewhere else to Philadelphia and root for the wrong team and people in Philly will beat the shit out of them. 0.66

00:27:39.000 But it's like that kind of thinking Is a human way of thinking. 0.93

00:27:44.000 And you can think it's like, I'm not like those thugs in Philadelphia, but you are.

00:27:49.000 You're tribal. 0.73

00:27:50.000 And when you're tribal and you want to show everyone how committed you are to your tribe, a lot of times you'll be the person that attacks the other tribe.

00:27:59.000 It's a natural human instinct.

00:28:01.000 That is ingrained in our DNA from tribal living.

00:28:05.000 When there was like 150 of us and we had to worry about marauding invaders.

00:28:09.000 This is all like deeply embedded into like who we are, like what it means to be a person.

00:28:14.000 And you can use that, you could like, that path It could go with religion.

00:28:22.000 It'd be the Protestants versus the Catholics. 0.97

00:28:24.000 It could be the Democrats versus the Republicans.

00:28:27.000 It's way more of a tribal thing than it is a real solid disagreement on what we should be doing and why we should be doing it. 0.99

00:28:37.000 There's a lot of, like, weird shit that goes on. 0.96

00:28:39.000 And this is, like, one of the reasons why it's so important to think of the United States. 0.99

00:28:45.000 Like, think of what we are as a tribe.

00:28:47.000 Like, one giant tribe. 1.00

00:28:48.000 Instead of thinking as a red and a blue, that shit is, like, super disempowering. 0.99

00:28:54.000 What we should think of is, like, we're one giant group who needs to sort shit out. 0.99

00:28:59.000 You know? 0.98

00:29:00.000 And it's almost like... 0.99

00:29:02.000 By going with this fucking left versus right thing, that's nonsense. 0.99

00:29:08.000 Most of us are both. 0.99

00:29:10.000 Most of us have some, like you think if someone breaks in your house and lights it on fire, maybe they should go to jail, right?

00:29:15.000 Yeah.

00:29:16.000 You think if someone rapes your daughter, maybe they should be punished, right? 0.94

00:29:19.000 Yeah.

00:29:19.000 But you also think, well, if someone's really poor, maybe they should get money from taxes to help them get back on their feet, right?

00:29:26.000 Yeah.

00:29:26.000 Maybe you think that people who are really hungry and poor should have access to food because it's not that difficult for cities to provide that, right?

00:29:34.000 Yeah.

00:29:35.000 Yeah.

00:29:35.000 We agree.

00:29:36.000 We agree on these things.

00:29:37.000 You think people should be able to have their own choices, but you think you should also be able to own a gun, right?

00:29:42.000 Yeah.

00:29:42.000 See, this is where we're going.

00:29:43.000 You think that people should be educated and it'd be wonderful if people had an open mind, but you also want to protect businesses.

00:29:51.000 You want to recognize that it's very difficult to keep a business afloat and people have to make hard choices and they have to fucking keep a fast pace for everybody's benefit. 0.94

00:30:00.000 There's a lot of variables and you also agree that some people that run businesses are crooks and they're mean. 0.94

00:30:06.000 They don't treat their employees right. 0.97

00:30:10.000 There's a lot of variables to being a person and when we break it down to just left versus right, We get caught up in these fucking tribes with the Dolphins versus the Eagles. 0.98

00:30:20.000 It's like some shit happens where we get stuck on teams and it's fucking dangerous and we don't recognize it. 0.97

00:30:27.000 We think it's just a normal part of being a person where you're attacking all the people that are on CNN. Look at how dumb they are. 1.00

00:30:33.000 Or you're attacking all the people on Fox News. 1.00

00:30:35.000 They're talking shit about the vaccine but they're all vaccinated. 0.96

00:30:40.000 It's way better off if we just agree to abandon everything that's connected to teams and just focus on what do we need to do? 0.99

00:30:49.000 What do we need to do to get everything back on track? 0.97

00:30:52.000 We don't need a fucking gang war between goofy ideologies. 0.99

00:30:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:58.000 What's crazy to me is that in LA, the people that don't get vaccinated are the liberals.

00:31:04.000 What?

00:31:05.000 Yeah.

00:31:05.000 No.

00:31:06.000 A lot of liberals, most of them are vaccinated.

00:31:08.000 Oh, no.

00:31:09.000 What are you talking about?

00:31:10.000 Oh, no.

00:31:10.000 Which liberals?

00:31:12.000 The diehard, healthy liberals.

00:31:16.000 Yoga people.

00:31:17.000 Yeah, yoga people.

00:31:17.000 I wonder what the vaccine rate for yoga people is.

00:31:20.000 Yeah, I think.

00:31:36.000 A lot of them.

00:31:38.000 We have a lot of them in our lives.

00:31:40.000 And same thing in Boulder.

00:31:42.000 We have friends.

00:31:42.000 We went to look at Boulder schools or whatever.

00:31:45.000 And a lot of people in Boulder won't get vaccinated.

00:31:48.000 Yeah, those hippies. 0.98

00:31:49.000 Those old school hippies. 0.76

00:31:51.000 I think you're talking about there's a different thing between liberals and hippies. 1.00

00:31:57.000 Those macrobiotic motherfuckers. 1.00

00:31:59.000 They're taking acidophilus. 1.00

00:32:00.000 And you go, it's so funny to watch the two waves collide.

00:32:04.000 Like, you ever see a wave come into the shore and then one come out?

00:32:07.000 Because the hippies are super progressive.

00:32:09.000 Yeah.

00:32:10.000 All of them.

00:32:10.000 About like...

00:32:12.000 Whatever the rights are.

00:32:13.000 Civil rights, gay rights, women's rights.

00:32:16.000 Super progressive, but they're like, I don't want to put that in my body.

00:32:19.000 Whoa, but you have to.

00:32:22.000 And it's amazing to me to watch that happen and you go...

00:32:27.000 And look, to each his own across the board.

00:32:31.000 For me, I just go, you know, do what you're going to do.

00:32:34.000 But I just find it somewhat ironic to know a mom who's like, hates Trump and hates the right, and then she's not getting vaccinated also.

00:32:45.000 And then I go, you know, that's what they said.

00:32:50.000 And she just goes, melts down.

00:32:52.000 It's different.

00:32:53.000 And you're like, okay.

00:32:56.000 Yeah, it's weird because the vaccines definitely help people, too.

00:32:59.000 It's one of those complicated issues, man.

00:33:02.000 One of the things about being a person is that oftentimes stuff is not black and white.

00:33:07.000 We want to pretend it's black and white because if it is, it suits our purposes.

00:33:11.000 It defends our opinions.

00:33:14.000 It's not black or white.

00:33:16.000 There was a study that recently came out that showed that for teenage boys, it could be more dangerous to get the vaccine than it is to get COVID. Really?

00:33:26.000 Yeah, Google that, Jamie.

00:33:27.000 I'll send you a link because I know I saved that because it's such a crazy story.

00:33:33.000 But it's one of those ones where you're like, oh, Jesus.

00:33:39.000 Do you see it, Jamie?

00:33:40.000 If you don't, I can definitely find it.

00:33:42.000 Here it is.

00:33:44.000 This one's from The Guardian.

00:33:45.000 I think I read from a different paper, but it says, go back up, please.

00:33:49.000 Boys more at risk from Pfizer jab side effect than COVID suggest studies.

00:33:55.000 Suggest study, excuse me.

00:33:57.000 U.S. researchers say teenagers are more likely to get vaccine-related myocarditis than end up in the hospital with COVID. Now this is in The Guardian.

00:34:07.000 This is a major newspaper.

00:34:09.000 So for them to say this, this is not like some fringe GeoCities page where some crazy person...

00:34:16.000 It's not clickbait.

00:34:19.000 This is...

00:34:20.000 It says most children who experience rare side effect had symptoms within days of the second shot of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, though a similar side effect is seen in the Moderna jab.

00:34:31.000 About 86% of the boys affected required some hospital care, the author said.

00:34:39.000 The thing is, young people, for whatever reason, in this disease, it seems to be a fact that young people, statistically speaking, are better at recovering from it.

00:34:51.000 That seems to be true.

00:34:53.000 And I think if we deny that, it's going to make people super suspicious.

00:34:57.000 Because they're going to say, like, okay, are we operating on information or are we operating on an ideology?

00:35:02.000 So if we're operating on information, we would say that these young people seem to be way better at surviving this infection.

00:35:11.000 We just have to make sure they don't spread it to other people.

00:35:13.000 Yeah.

00:35:14.000 So we should be better at figuring out how to test these young people regularly and then figure out what's the best treatment for the people that are in danger that are around them, whether they're vaccinated or whether they're unvaccinated.

00:35:27.000 But the idea of jabbing all these young kids with these spectacular immune systems, it's like, I don't know.

00:35:35.000 If you read that, you go, I don't know what we're doing here.

00:35:38.000 Why are we doing this?

00:35:40.000 Is it because we want to protect other people?

00:35:44.000 I don't know if that's the best way to do it.

00:35:45.000 Is this the best way to do it?

00:35:46.000 It's amazing to think that kids have done what they have done for their parents.

00:35:53.000 That they all are wearing masks.

00:35:55.000 They all quarantined.

00:35:58.000 You couldn't have kept me in my house.

00:36:02.000 Right.

00:36:02.000 We grew up without the internet.

00:36:05.000 Yeah.

00:36:06.000 Those are wilder people.

00:36:07.000 Those are monkey people. 0.99

00:36:09.000 You know, we're like one natural disaster away from cannibalism.

00:36:13.000 Dude.

00:36:13.000 You know, those people back then, when we grew up, would know internet.

00:36:18.000 When was the first time you got on the internet?

00:36:20.000 How old were you?

00:36:20.000 I was in college.

00:36:22.000 It was Prodigy.

00:36:23.000 And I got sports lines.

00:36:24.000 That was like, we get sport lines.

00:36:26.000 That was it. 0.99

00:36:26.000 Do you remember that moment where you're like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:36:30.000 My dad bought me a computer, and I brought a computer back to my house, and I plugged it in, and we hooked it to the internet, and everyone gambled in college, and the sport lines came up. 0.97

00:36:41.000 I remember thinking, so I got this one thing for the sport lines?

00:36:44.000 And then they were like, and then my teacher said, so your project tonight is to go home, take your article, cut and paste it, and then email it to me. 0.89

00:36:53.000 And I remember being so fucking lost. 0.58

00:36:55.000 I was like... 0.97

00:36:56.000 Cut and paste how?

00:36:58.000 Like, how do I get it off of what I wrote it on?

00:37:00.000 How do I cut that out and then mail it to you? 0.92

00:37:04.000 Like, I'd be so fucking lost. 0.99

00:37:06.000 And I was like, this email shit's not gonna last. 0.99

00:37:09.000 I was like, there's no way. 0.99

00:37:12.000 There's no way that people are gonna use this for real.

00:37:15.000 Somebody said that about the early home computers.

00:37:18.000 I forget what person it was, but they were mocking the idea that everyone would want a computer in their home.

00:37:26.000 I remember someone telling me that you would watch movies on your computer.

00:37:31.000 And I was like, so you're telling me, oh, Brian Gumball?

00:37:35.000 Oh, we've got to hear that.

00:37:35.000 That little tease.

00:37:37.000 Oh, that's right.

00:37:37.000 That little mark.

00:37:38.000 94. With the A and then the ring around it?

00:37:40.000 At?

00:37:40.000 See, that's what I said.

00:37:42.000 Mm-hmm.

00:37:43.000 Katie said she thought it was about.

00:37:45.000 But I'd never heard it said.

00:37:48.000 I'd always seen the mark, but never heard it said. 0.99

00:37:50.000 And then it sounded stupid when I said it. 0.99

00:37:52.000 Violence at NBC. See, there it is. 0.99

00:37:58.000 Violence at NBC, GE com.

00:38:02.000 What is internet anyway?

00:38:05.000 What is internet anyway?

00:38:06.000 Internet is that massive computer network.

00:38:09.000 The one that's becoming really big now.

00:38:11.000 What is internet anyway?

00:38:12.000 What do you mean?

00:38:13.000 What do you write to it?

00:38:15.000 Like mail?

00:38:16.000 No, a lot of people use it and communicate.

00:38:18.000 I guess they can communicate with NBC writers and producers.

00:38:20.000 Allison, can you explain what internet is?

00:38:23.000 No, she can't say anything in ten seconds or less.

00:38:26.000 Allison will be in the studio shortly.

00:38:28.000 What does it mean?

00:38:29.000 It's a giant computer network made up of...

00:38:32.000 Started from...

00:38:33.000 Oh, I thought you were going to tell us what this was.

00:38:35.000 It's like a computer billboard.

00:38:37.000 Wow.

00:38:38.000 It's a computer billboard, but it's nationwide.

00:38:40.000 It's several universities and everything all joined together.

00:38:43.000 And others can access it.

00:38:45.000 And it's getting bigger and bigger all the time.

00:38:47.000 That guy is on QAnon's website right now.

00:38:51.000 The guy who was just talking.

00:38:57.000 That's wild to see, man.

00:38:59.000 It is crazy.

00:39:00.000 By the way, I was that guy.

00:39:02.000 I sat down with Dane Cook at his house one time.

00:39:05.000 This was like 1998?

00:39:10.000 99?

00:39:12.000 And he was like, we were talking and he'd just go to his computer and go like this.

00:39:16.000 And I was like, hey, what are you doing?

00:39:17.000 He was like, hey man, can I give you a little hint?

00:39:19.000 I got this thing called MySpace that I go on and I chat with friends and it helps sell tickets.

00:39:25.000 And I was like, good luck. 0.80

00:39:27.000 I was like, that'll never fucking happen. 0.84

00:39:29.000 Next week, I'm at a party in Venice and these dudes were all doing coke and they're on their computers. 0.99

00:39:34.000 I go, what the fuck are you guys doing? 0.94

00:39:35.000 They're like, we're programming a thing called MySpace. 0.99

00:39:38.000 And I was like, huh?

00:39:39.000 And they're like, do you know who Dane Cook is?

00:39:41.000 And I was like...

00:39:42.000 Wait, I just talked to him about this thing.

00:39:44.000 And they're like, man, you should get on.

00:39:45.000 It'll really change your career. 1.00

00:39:46.000 And I was like, good luck, bitches. 1.00

00:39:49.000 The fucking biggest... 1.00

00:39:51.000 Isn't that funny? 1.00

00:39:53.000 Someone just gets so ahead of the curve, they figure it out before anybody?

00:39:58.000 Dude, there's so many of that.

00:40:00.000 I remember we used to do a tour on Myspace with Steve Hofstetter, and he had this program, and he was like, here's the deal.

00:40:06.000 The money sucks, but you get 25,000 Myspace followers.

00:40:09.000 And we did the tour. 0.87

00:40:11.000 Wow.

00:40:11.000 Yeah, it was Fever Records.

00:40:13.000 Fever Records.

00:40:14.000 But how do you get those followers?

00:40:16.000 Are they fake followers?

00:40:17.000 He had a program.

00:40:19.000 And yeah, he would have a program and he'd type it in.

00:40:22.000 Fever Records.

00:40:23.000 Type in Fever Records.

00:40:24.000 But how does that work?

00:40:24.000 How do you get people to follow you?

00:40:26.000 Just spamming them.

00:40:27.000 Spamming them.

00:40:28.000 Request, request, request.

00:40:30.000 And so we did all through Georgia.

00:40:33.000 And he got us like, and then he would say, open up a MySpace Athens, MySpace, a Burt Kreischer Athens, Burt Kreischer Augusta, Burt Kreischer Charlottesville.

00:40:44.000 And so you'd open these different ones.

00:40:45.000 And I had more followers on these one MySpaces than I had on my regular one.

00:40:51.000 Wow.

00:40:51.000 And that was the gig.

00:40:52.000 You did the show and then you got all these followers.

00:40:55.000 We're talking about like when the Vikings invaded.

00:40:59.000 We knew when the boats pulled upon the shore.

00:41:01.000 Yeah.

00:41:02.000 The large man with the beard hopped off onto the gravel and screamed out a war cry.

00:41:08.000 Like this, we're talking about history.

00:41:10.000 We're talking about like ancient history.

00:41:12.000 Ancient history.

00:41:12.000 I remember back in the day where I would turn my computer on and hear, you've got mail.

00:41:19.000 Remember you've got mail?

00:41:20.000 I do.

00:41:21.000 Dude, I remember...

00:41:23.000 What is that?

00:41:24.000 It's Myspace.

00:41:24.000 Oh, Dane Cook.

00:41:25.000 He's still there.

00:41:27.000 He's hanging in there.

00:41:28.000 But when I was at a dentist's office, I was sitting on the couch waiting to get in, and I was reading in one of the People magazines, there was an article about Dane Cook, and it said, Dane Cook, I think at the time, it was a quarter million Myspace followers.

00:41:44.000 I remember going, what?!

00:41:46.000 Like, that's insane!

00:41:47.000 They were talking about how he was blowing up because of his MySpace. 0.99

00:41:51.000 And I remember reading that going, wow, how the fuck did he figure that out? 0.93

00:41:56.000 But he was the pioneer. 0.99

00:41:59.000 He was interested in that show. 0.98

00:42:01.000 He was the pioneer in internet marketing and internet rebranding and selling whoever the fuck you are, getting your comedy out there, getting your... 0.99

00:42:12.000 Napster? 0.94

00:42:13.000 You'd go on Napster, you'd find three people. 0.98

00:42:16.000 You'd find Mitch Hedberg, Dane Cook, and fuck it, what was the band that everyone, the Napster band that blew up from now on? 0.98

00:42:27.000 Metallica? 0.99

00:42:28.000 Metallica?

00:42:29.000 They got mad. 1.00

00:42:29.000 Oh, they got fucking living. 1.00

00:42:30.000 So there was a lot of Napster, Metallica because they got mad, right? 0.99

00:42:34.000 Wasn't there?

00:42:35.000 Dane Cook was all over Napster.

00:42:36.000 You'd go on Napster and it would be like, Dane Cook, Dane Cook, and by the way...

00:42:39.000 He uploaded it, right?

00:42:40.000 Yeah, he uploaded it.

00:42:41.000 I don't know if he did that or not.

00:42:43.000 I think he did.

00:42:44.000 But those little moments in time where you go, hey, you get an opportunity, man.

00:42:48.000 You get a shot. 0.92

00:42:49.000 Kevin Hart, and I have previously jokingly talked shit about Kevin Hart. 0.99

00:42:54.000 How dare you? 0.98

00:42:55.000 I know, I know, I know.

00:42:56.000 Why'd you do that?

00:42:57.000 I don't know.

00:42:58.000 Were you jealous?

00:43:00.000 No.

00:43:01.000 Were you on pills?

00:43:02.000 No, I was drunk.

00:43:03.000 What did you say?

00:43:05.000 Was it valid?

00:43:07.000 No, not anymore.

00:43:08.000 What? 0.97

00:43:11.000 But it was that I loved hearing his hard work ethic, but I always felt like hard work for the average guy, there's a lot of guys that bust their ass and they don't move forward. 0.81

00:43:23.000 You got to acknowledge your luck sometimes.

00:43:25.000 And I just said in these Instagram posts, I want to hear about your luck.

00:43:28.000 I want to hear about the luck that you had, right?

00:43:30.000 Not realizing in doing what he does, Just how hard he works.

00:43:35.000 I don't think I ever realized that.

00:43:37.000 And I've had a small taste of what he does, like where you do a movie and you do a tour and you do all that, and you have a TV show and you have a book or whatever, and I was like, oh, I didn't realize how hard he actually worked.

00:43:46.000 I just was like...

00:43:49.000 Just give everyone the luck and they'll all get there. 1.00

00:43:51.000 And I don't think I realized just how hard he busts his ass. 0.99

00:43:54.000 I think the problem is concentrating on any one thing. 0.99

00:43:57.000 Whether it's concentrating on a person's luck or concentrating on a person's discipline.

00:44:01.000 Yeah.

00:44:01.000 It's like we've decided we're looking for a binary.

00:44:04.000 We're looking for a one or a zero.

00:44:06.000 Or we're looking for a were you lucky?

00:44:08.000 Yeah.

00:44:08.000 Was your dad rich or were you born in the projects and you're hustling and now you're a self-made person?

00:44:16.000 Which one is it?

00:44:18.000 Kevin Hart has had a couple opportunities and he capitalized on them.

00:44:24.000 And I think I misunderstood that for, like, the opportunity is the luck part.

00:44:29.000 Give that to anyone, and they all capitalize on it.

00:44:31.000 And that's not true.

00:44:32.000 But there's many more facets to that diamond.

00:44:35.000 I think there's also, he worked really hard, and that's how the opportunity presented itself in the first place.

00:44:41.000 It's not just like this opportunity was just there for anybody.

00:44:44.000 And he happened to stumble upon it, but then worked hard.

00:44:47.000 No, he worked hard to get to the point where he got the opportunity, too.

00:44:51.000 There's a lot of factors, man.

00:44:52.000 Well, I think another shot for the B-Man. 0.94

00:44:55.000 But I think what I was having a hard time doing was I was having a hard time Validating my own success.

00:45:07.000 Imposter syndrome.

00:45:09.000 Salute brother.

00:45:10.000 It's great doing this with you.

00:45:11.000 But I was having a hard time validating my own success and I was like, I know I'm lucky.

00:45:18.000 I need him to acknowledge he's lucky because I wasn't willing to admit I never wanted anyone to think I worked hard, because I was like, that takes the recipe out of the cake, you know?

00:45:28.000 I get how you would say that, and I get why you would think that, but it's a waste of time.

00:45:33.000 It's a waste of time wanting someone to admit they're lucky.

00:45:35.000 Like, if you can see that there's some fortune in how they got to who they are, just let them say it. 0.99

00:45:42.000 If they don't want to say it, who gives a shit? 0.99

00:45:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:44.000 You get it, and most people get it too. 1.00

00:45:46.000 And as long as you're honest about what you feel are your most fortunate moments, You don't have to judge other people on their fortune.

00:45:55.000 I'm the luckiest guy there is in this business.

00:45:58.000 And I do work hard.

00:46:00.000 Dude, you work hard.

00:46:01.000 You work so hard.

00:46:02.000 And I don't think I realized...

00:46:04.000 I'm always stunned.

00:46:04.000 You always have some new TV show you're doing.

00:46:06.000 There's always some new wacky shit. 0.98

00:46:07.000 I'm like, what is Burt doing over there? 0.99

00:46:09.000 You're always doing something.

00:46:10.000 But I think I wanted a way to justify where I was Where I was to like...

00:46:16.000 I just wanted to diminish it, I think, a little bit.

00:46:19.000 I understand.

00:46:19.000 But my advice to anybody, like you or me, because I'm the same way, is just like, enjoy what you're doing.

00:46:25.000 Just get to the place where you just enjoy what you're doing and try to do your best.

00:46:30.000 There's enough challenge in just trying to do your best.

00:46:32.000 Like we add external challenge almost to distract ourselves from the the real significant challenge that we face. 0.98

00:46:38.000 So we add a bunch of shit on the outside of it. 0.71

00:46:40.000 Almost like so it makes like whatever the most important thing we're really focusing on less important because we've got other stuff that's distracting us. 0.99

00:46:47.000 It gives you a built-in reason for fucking it up. 0.67

00:46:49.000 It's like a artist sabotage method. 0.97

00:46:52.000 It happens with a lot of people.

00:46:53.000 There's a lot going on with being a creative person. 0.98

00:46:56.000 There's all sorts of like Insecurities and thoughts and you know things that trip you up and sometimes they help you and like you never know what you're gonna get with your mind your mind is like filled with all sorts of interactions and Depends upon how well you sleep and how healthy are and what your perspective is that day and and all those things can greatly Interact with the rest of the world and figure out and and rather decide how your life goes Take one bad move on one bad day and shit 0.98

00:47:26.000 goes terrible. 0.93

00:47:27.000 I think about that non-stop.

00:47:29.000 It's part of being a person, man.

00:47:32.000 The problem is when you don't think about it.

00:47:34.000 That's the problem.

00:47:35.000 The problem is when you think that can't happen to you or when you're above it or when you're, you know, you've got it figured out. 1.00

00:47:42.000 That's when you're really fucked. 0.98

00:47:44.000 Because no one's got this thing figured out. 0.99

00:47:46.000 And the quicker we are to admit that and acknowledge that, the better we're all going to get along.

00:47:51.000 That's the scary part.

00:47:52.000 I want it figured out.

00:47:54.000 There's no way, man.

00:47:54.000 I think that's my control thing.

00:47:55.000 It's not possible.

00:47:57.000 This is like an ant trying to read calculus.

00:48:00.000 You might see it.

00:48:01.000 I don't know what an ant sees. 0.98

00:48:02.000 There's not enough time in the world to figure out what the fuck this is all about. 0.97

00:48:06.000 There's not enough information. 0.70

00:48:08.000 We're missing giant chunks of data.

00:48:10.000 We're in a stage, right?

00:48:11.000 If there's like ape and then enlightenment, we're like in this weird upward progress.

00:48:17.000 We're not there yet.

00:48:19.000 So that Paul Damens guy?

00:48:22.000 Stamets?

00:48:23.000 Yeah, the guy who's a mushroom specialist.

00:48:27.000 I had a really hard time with my surgery.

00:48:31.000 I thought I was going to die.

00:48:33.000 Hardcore panic attacks.

00:48:34.000 Get the surgery.

00:48:35.000 I come out on the other side and I see his documentary about the magical mushroom, whatever it is.

00:48:41.000 What is the dog?

00:48:42.000 It's the Netflix one.

00:48:43.000 Yeah, it's really great.

00:48:44.000 Fungi?

00:48:45.000 Is it magical fungi?

00:48:46.000 Fantastic fungi?

00:48:47.000 That's it.

00:48:48.000 That's it.

00:48:48.000 Fantastic fungi.

00:48:49.000 And so I'm like, this is fun.

00:48:51.000 He's an awesome human.

00:48:53.000 He's a fascinating person.

00:48:54.000 He's a legit mycologist, right?

00:48:56.000 He really understands.

00:48:58.000 He was the first guy to explain to me that mushrooms actually breathe air like we do.

00:49:03.000 We met that guy.

00:49:05.000 So you did a podcast with him, and then me, Ari, and Tom did the next podcast with that guy, and we met him, and you were like, you don't know who this guy is.

00:49:15.000 He's like the foremost...

00:49:16.000 This is before the Netflix documentary.

00:49:18.000 Do you mean him at the store?

00:49:19.000 No, you did a podcast with him.

00:49:20.000 Oh, that's right.

00:49:22.000 That's right.

00:49:22.000 You guys were at the same place.

00:49:24.000 Yeah, we met him.

00:49:25.000 Cool dude.

00:49:26.000 So I watched the documentary and I start going like, oh man, maybe I gotta try mushrooms.

00:49:32.000 Maybe I gotta get on mushrooms.

00:49:34.000 I've done them before, but I did them just to party.

00:49:37.000 Maybe I gotta try to open up my mind and get rid of some anxiety. 0.99

00:49:39.000 Some of the fucking shit that keeps me up at night. 0.99

00:49:42.000 And I'm thinking about this and then my daughter Isla goes, we're at the fire pit in our backyard. 0.99

00:49:48.000 She goes, Have you seen this fantastic fungi documentary?

00:49:52.000 She's like 15, and I go, I have.

00:49:54.000 She goes, I mean, that stuff makes sense.

00:49:56.000 I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ.

00:49:59.000 Jesus Christ.

00:50:01.000 You gotta explain to her?

00:50:03.000 I gotta explain to her about mushrooms.

00:50:05.000 Because part of me is now saying...

00:50:08.000 Maybe microdosing is the cure.

00:50:10.000 Well, that the cure is a problem, right?

00:50:14.000 Because it sets up this, like, false premise where there's one thing that you need to do that's going to fix the world.

00:50:20.000 But the thing that absolutely that mushrooms will do is it will help some people be more compassionate.

00:50:30.000 Let's pretend that Okay.

00:50:38.000 Okay.

00:50:54.000 And you give them a chance.

00:50:55.000 You have a decision to make.

00:50:57.000 You want to take it?

00:50:58.000 You don't have to.

00:50:59.000 I take it.

00:51:00.000 I take it in a heartbeat.

00:51:01.000 A lot of people have had good success.

00:51:03.000 Do your best.

00:51:04.000 That's what mushrooms are.

00:51:05.000 What mushrooms are, it's this...

00:51:08.000 I don't know if it's 40%.

00:51:10.000 Maybe it's only 30%.

00:51:11.000 There's a lot of people that get through real breakthrough experiences and have a completely different perspective on what it means to be a person, what it means to be alive, what it means to love people, what it means to be open-minded and kind and sincere, and what it means to experience your faults and the times you surprise yourself with the good things about human character and the times you're disappointed with yourself.

00:51:38.000 All those things.

00:51:39.000 They're all happening together.

00:51:40.000 And one, it's like this calculation we're trying to figure out. 0.99

00:51:43.000 And mushrooms allow people sometimes to see themselves for what they really are without any of that shit that fucks with your head, whether it's anxiety or insecurity or arrogance or overconfidence or ego or whatever the fuck it is. 0.97

00:51:58.000 And it's not for everybody, because if you already have a hard time with mental health, I'm not the guy that you should be listening to in terms of what you can or can't take. 0.99

00:52:07.000 Listen to a doctor, listen to a neuroscientist.

00:52:09.000 There's some people that have a slippery grip on regular reality, and I don't know if anything's good for them that just takes them and blows them out.

00:52:17.000 But for some folks, it will be.

00:52:18.000 And the only way we're going to find out is we make it legal.

00:52:22.000 There's a lot of people that have experienced amazing things on things that are absolutely illegal.

00:52:27.000 So why are they illegal if they've literally changed people's lives in a massive beneficial way?

00:52:34.000 Why are they illegal? 0.94

00:52:36.000 Because we haven't fucking had this conversation. 0.98

00:52:38.000 That's why. 0.97

00:52:38.000 It's not because there's a bunch of evidence that says they should be illegal. 0.97

00:52:41.000 It's because we haven't had this conversation.

00:52:43.000 Because we try to pretend that other adults know better than we do.

00:52:46.000 But we know they don't even have the data.

00:52:48.000 They don't have the information.

00:52:49.000 They don't have the perspective.

00:52:50.000 They're not being honest.

00:52:51.000 They're not being objective.

00:52:52.000 If they were, it would have already been legal decades ago. 0.96

00:52:55.000 There's some sort of weird fucking resistance to people admitting that they were wrong. 0.96

00:52:59.000 And that's part of the problem. 0.98

00:53:00.000 That's part of the reason why psychedelic drugs are illegal. 0.98

00:53:03.000 It's not because they're bad for you necessarily, because we're here drunk on fucking whiskey, which is like one of the worst things. 0.98

00:53:09.000 We're smoking cigars, which is not good for you. 0.95

00:53:11.000 There's nothing good for you about that, right?

00:53:13.000 That's all fine and good.

00:53:14.000 But if you take mushrooms, All of a sudden, there's a problem.

00:53:18.000 But we're resistant to change.

00:53:20.000 We're resistant.

00:53:21.000 Aren't there some cities, states that have legalized it?

00:53:25.000 Portland has decriminalized everything.

00:53:28.000 Portland, Oregon, rather, has decriminalized everything.

00:53:30.000 I think they've decriminalized even steroids.

00:53:33.000 Really?

00:53:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:34.000 Find that out.

00:53:35.000 I think they decriminalized all the hard stuff, like mushrooms and...

00:53:40.000 I think they decriminalized cocaine.

00:53:43.000 Really?

00:53:43.000 Yeah, yeah, I think so.

00:53:45.000 I love a low-grade cocaine.

00:53:47.000 They did a wild thing up there in Portland.

00:53:49.000 A clean, low-grade cocaine.

00:53:51.000 Is that true?

00:53:51.000 Did they decriminalize cocaine?

00:53:52.000 Yes?

00:53:53.000 Oh, well, hold on.

00:53:54.000 Hold on.

00:53:54.000 I was shaking my head up.

00:53:55.000 Drug decriminalization...

00:53:58.000 Whoa, I'm Burt Kreischer.

00:54:00.000 Drug decriminalization in Oregon officially begins today.

00:54:04.000 So what does it say?

00:54:05.000 Small amounts of all drugs...

00:54:08.000 Okay, wow.

00:54:10.000 That's what it's real.

00:54:11.000 Okay, Oregon became the first state in the United States to decriminalize possession of small amounts of all drugs and greatly increase access to treatment, recovery, harm reduction, and other services.

00:54:24.000 This is a direct result of a successful ballot initiative...

00:54:29.000 Spearheaded by the Drug Policy Alliance...

00:54:32.000 Why can't I say that word?

00:54:33.000 Drug Policy Action, rather.

00:54:35.000 An advocacy arm of the Drug Policy Alliance in partnership with the long-standing Oregon Allies that was approved by voters and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:54:46.000 Decriminalization of the punishment of millions and has disproportionately harmed communities of color.

00:54:51.000 So that's a great thing.

00:54:54.000 That's a very smart thing.

00:54:55.000 Because if you're decriminalizing users...

00:55:01.000 I mean, that's giving people the ability to make their own decisions.

00:55:05.000 Now, next step, educate people on the actual real risks of all these diseases or all these drugs.

00:55:12.000 That's what I want to know.

00:55:13.000 Especially unnatural ones.

00:55:15.000 The city of Ann Arbor, Michigan has decriminalized psychedelic plants and fungi.

00:55:20.000 Jesus!

00:55:21.000 What are you doing, Michigan?

00:55:22.000 How much is a microdose?

00:55:24.000 It's a good question.

00:55:25.000 It depends on how fat you are.

00:55:26.000 For real?

00:55:27.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

00:55:28.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:55:29.000 It's the, like, sub-perceptible. 1.00

00:55:30.000 Yeah, size percentage.

00:55:30.000 So, like, whatever that means means it's an microdose.

00:55:33.000 It's like most drugs.

00:55:34.000 It's not like an actual number.

00:55:34.000 Like ivermectin.

00:55:35.000 You're supposed to take a certain percentage based on the kilograms of your body.

00:55:39.000 Really?

00:55:40.000 Yeah, it's most drugs.

00:55:41.000 Most drugs are like that.

00:55:42.000 Oh, that makes sense.

00:55:44.000 Yeah, drinking.

00:55:45.000 That's why I said, like, people can't keep up with you.

00:55:48.000 You know, like a 140-pound man like Mark Norman.

00:55:51.000 What did you say?

00:55:52.000 He's a buck 35? 1.00

00:55:53.000 Buck 35 soaking wet covered in cum. 1.00

00:55:55.000 Buck 28 with his boots on. 1.00

00:55:57.000 This is fucking... 1.00

00:55:58.000 I watch that guy. 1.00

00:55:59.000 He can't drink with you.

00:56:00.000 I can't even drink with you.

00:56:02.000 I'm only 40 pounds lighter than you.

00:56:04.000 I can't drink with you.

00:56:05.000 Yeah, but you're a muscle.

00:56:06.000 But I can't drink with you.

00:56:07.000 Yeah, you can.

00:56:08.000 I give up.

00:56:10.000 No.

00:56:10.000 Tom's got to keep up with me tonight.

00:56:12.000 Oh, no.

00:56:13.000 We're going back to his house.

00:56:15.000 Open a bottle of Fitvine.

00:56:17.000 What is Fitvine?

00:56:19.000 Oh, look at this.

00:56:21.000 This is Mark.

00:56:21.000 This is baby Mark.

00:56:23.000 Mark Norman.

00:56:26.000 Look at him there.

00:56:26.000 Look at this.

00:56:27.000 I don't get it.

00:56:29.000 He's got two kids.

00:56:30.000 The guy is overweight.

00:56:31.000 He's 78 years old.

00:56:32.000 He can just go and go.

00:56:34.000 His body is different than mine.

00:56:36.000 I'm struggling.

00:56:37.000 I'm hurting.

00:56:38.000 I need time to recoup.

00:56:41.000 Yeah.

00:56:44.000 That's another song.

00:56:45.000 Round and round we go back, Jack, do it again.

00:56:51.000 That's one of the things I fell in love with John Mulaney about.

00:56:55.000 He's into music?

00:56:56.000 John Mulaney.

00:56:57.000 Music?

00:56:57.000 What's wrong with this podcast?

00:56:59.000 This podcast is cursed.

00:57:01.000 I go to the mountains, to the woods for a week and it all falls apart.

00:57:05.000 John Mulaney used to do Coke and listen to Steely Dan by himself in college. 0.99

00:57:11.000 And I go, that's a fucking romantic. 0.97

00:57:15.000 Steely Dan is one of the best bands. 0.99

00:57:17.000 And I fell in love.

00:57:18.000 This is like old school.

00:57:20.000 But on Coke, probably a different sound, right?

00:57:23.000 It's like Grateful Dead.

00:57:24.000 You only really understand them when you're on acid.

00:57:26.000 Oh, God.

00:57:26.000 And by the way, obviously John Mulaney said that's not what I said, that's okay.

00:57:31.000 But like, dude, I fell in love with it.

00:57:33.000 I heard him say that and I went, that's a guy that gets it.

00:57:36.000 He gets it.

00:57:39.000 Dirty work.

00:57:40.000 Dirty work.

00:57:41.000 Have you ever heard dirty work?

00:57:43.000 This is so...

00:57:45.000 When we did Red Rocks, I played this.

00:57:47.000 All I played was Steely Dan.

00:57:49.000 Yeah, really?

00:57:50.000 Oh, all I played was Steely Dan.

00:57:52.000 You play this backstage?

00:57:54.000 All we played.

00:57:57.000 All weekend.

00:58:04.000 Look at that.

00:58:05.000 The very best of Steely Dan.

00:58:08.000 Is that a real car?

00:58:09.000 What is that car?

00:58:11.000 I don't think that's a real car.

00:58:15.000 This reminds me of being a kid in the back of my mom's car going to the pool.

00:58:20.000 And our pools are at a Ramada Inn.

00:58:22.000 This is what men did when you couldn't be emo.

00:58:27.000 It wasn't legal.

00:58:28.000 It wasn't legal yet.

00:58:30.000 You had to come in high-pitched and sensitive.

00:58:35.000 Talking about college.

00:58:36.000 Right here, buddy.

00:58:38.000 Listen to the voice.

00:58:39.000 This ain't Jim Brown singing.

00:58:40.000 Here we go. 1.00

00:58:41.000 I'm a fool to do your dirty work. 1.00

00:58:45.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:58:47.000 This is primo.

00:58:49.000 You gotta understand, too, that this music, like, what year was this, Jamie?

00:58:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:54.000 1980, right there.

00:58:55.000 72 to 80. Okay.

00:58:58.000 72. Let's imagine what life was like in 1972. Jim Morrison was dead.

00:59:04.000 We just got out of caves like a hundred years ago.

00:59:09.000 Yeah.

00:59:10.000 Whatever it was.

00:59:12.000 Keep going, Joe!

00:59:13.000 Keep going!

00:59:14.000 It was probably a hundred thousand years ago.

00:59:16.000 I might be off by a factor of a thousand. 0.97

00:59:19.000 My point being, ladies and gentlemen, no one knew what the fuck was going on. 0.95

00:59:24.000 They were just trying to say things that made people get excited about being around them. 0.96

00:59:29.000 Whether it was a comedian like Lenny Bruce or a singer like Jimi Hendrix.

00:59:34.000 Everybody was doing the same thing.

00:59:36.000 Oh, dude.

00:59:37.000 This, Steely Dan, was like my anthem throughout Colorado. 1.00

00:59:42.000 That's your shit? 1.00

00:59:43.000 Dude, I played this. 1.00

00:59:44.000 I was in such a good mood, I could play this and just cheer up.

00:59:48.000 FM? You ever hear FM? Are you a Steely Dan fan?

00:59:52.000 He's 36. He barely knows who the fuck Steely Dan is. 0.99

00:59:57.000 If it wasn't for old people like us, he would never have any idea. 0.99

01:00:00.000 Play FM, play FM. Mark Norman, I played this for Mark.

01:00:03.000 Play FM, the song?

01:00:04.000 FM on Steely Dan.

01:00:06.000 And Mark Norman was like, I've never heard this, I've never heard this.

01:00:08.000 Because he's 30. And it's so crazy, I go, and he goes, Mark Norman called it elevator music.

01:00:14.000 Let me hear this.

01:00:17.000 This is 9th grade music.

01:00:38.000 Oh yeah.

01:00:40.000 It's grapefruit wine.

01:00:46.000 Take off your high heel sneakers.

01:00:50.000 It's party time.

01:00:52.000 The girls don't seem to care. 0.99

01:00:57.000 That's all.

01:01:03.000 This is the best part.

01:01:04.000 Ready?

01:01:09.000 The part that would flip me out all week, and I couldn't get my daughters to connect with it.

01:01:22.000 Keep going, keep going.

01:01:24.000 Oh, come back.

01:01:25.000 It's right after this.

01:01:37.000 This is the part, Joe.

01:01:49.000 It's a different world.

01:01:52.000 It sounds from a different world.

01:01:54.000 That's the thing about these old recordings.

01:01:56.000 They're like time machines.

01:01:58.000 Yeah.

01:01:58.000 You know?

01:01:59.000 You know what I listen to when I really want to get that thought into my head?

01:02:02.000 I listen to the old Robert Johnson recordings.

01:02:05.000 You know why?

01:02:06.000 Because Robert Johnson was the guy who, at the time, was so good that...

01:02:12.000 You know, he's a blues guitarist.

01:02:13.000 He was so good that they came up with this theory that he had sold his soul to the devil.

01:02:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:20.000 And he was the...

01:02:22.000 Original recipient of fake news. 0.94

01:02:25.000 He was the guy who like the fucking like if there was an inquirer back then Yeah, they would have said Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil to be so good because he was so much better than everybody else Yeah, and it's weird when you listen to it. 0.91

01:02:38.000 It's it's like a strange haunting sort of a You get a real accurate glimpse into at least one aspect of life during the time when that guy was alive. 0.97

01:02:51.000 And there's not a lot of recordings.

01:02:53.000 Play some Robert Johnson.

01:02:54.000 Give me some Robert Johnson.

01:02:56.000 It's so interesting.

01:02:57.000 That's an accurate assessment is that You play something from that time zone, and I wonder if it's just America.

01:03:03.000 It's everywhere.

01:03:04.000 It's all over the world.

01:03:06.000 When you record things, you get to get an understanding of how good people are 100 years ago, 200 years ago, yesterday.

01:03:17.000 You get this idea of progress.

01:03:19.000 But if you just hear it, and there's nothing written down anywhere...

01:03:23.000 You don't get that same advancement.

01:03:25.000 And part of the difference is the advancement of this guy versus whatever you might hear today is the layers of music and the different sounds that producers add.

01:03:38.000 It's like there's more complexity to music because they have more ability to do it. 0.99

01:03:42.000 But all of it came from this kind of shit. 0.99

01:03:46.000 And at the time, there was nothing before this. 0.99

01:03:50.000 So, the people that never heard music before, and then the people who heard amplified music, were alive during the same time period.

01:04:00.000 Like you and I, when we were around with no internet, and all of a sudden we had the internet. 0.96

01:04:04.000 These fucking people were alive where people were singing, just yelling, loud, in a room. 0.99

01:04:09.000 They had to have a closed room, and they had no amplification. 1.00

01:04:14.000 It didn't exist.

01:04:14.000 There was no electricity.

01:04:15.000 And then, a hundred years later...

01:04:18.000 People are playing this, and they have electric guitars, and there's recordings of the music, and you listen to it today, and you go, yeah, I guess that's good, but why would you think that that guy sold his soul to the devil?

01:04:29.000 Because nobody had made these sounds before!

01:04:31.000 They were the first!

01:04:33.000 Oh, so they're looking at this going...

01:04:34.000 He's doing this, and he's doing...

01:04:37.000 What the guitar rock and roll equivalent is, is Jimi Hendrix playing the national anthem on his teeth.

01:04:44.000 Jimi Hendrix had this sound where Eric Clapton felt like quitting guitar. 0.97

01:04:49.000 He watched Jimi Hendrix and was like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? 0.96

01:04:52.000 Dude, I played Castles Made of Sand to my daughters in the car in Colorado, and both of them said, who is this? 0.98

01:04:59.000 And I went, this is...

01:05:01.000 This is what you guys are looking for when you listen to music, and I'm no slight on anyone they listen to now, but I go, Jimmy Castles, handsome castles made of sand. 0.98

01:05:13.000 Like, that's fucking next level. 1.00

01:05:15.000 It's amazing shit, man. 1.00

01:05:16.000 All Along the Watchtower? 1.00

01:05:17.000 But all of it comes from what comes before.

01:05:20.000 You and I would not be here if it wasn't for Lenny Bruce or George Carlin.

01:05:23.000 No musician would be where they were if it wasn't for Robert Johnson.

01:05:27.000 And Robert Johnson learned off the other people that no one ever got to hear recorded.

01:05:32.000 There was a bunch of people before him, I'm sure, that never even got recorded.

01:05:37.000 Who would play for these bars and these roadhouse sort of shows where they would just get on stage and people would be drinking.

01:05:48.000 That was the whole thing during the speakeasy days, right?

01:05:51.000 Where they had these clubs where people were allowed to drink alcohol during Prohibition.

01:05:56.000 And they would get together and get drunk and people would go up and sing.

01:05:59.000 And they would have these shows where they were celebrating the fact they were all doing something naughty. 0.99

01:06:04.000 And I can identify with what this is, because I remember the first time seeing someone do something different on stage with stand-up, and you're like, oh shit. 0.95

01:06:12.000 What year was Robert Johnson? 0.68

01:06:14.000 That was recorded in 1936 and 7. So that's right around the time where alcohol was made legal again.

01:06:22.000 I think that was right around the time where they started going after marijuana.

01:06:27.000 Really?

01:06:27.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 I think they started going after marijuana in like 35 or something.

01:06:31.000 Prohibition at 33. 33 ended.

01:06:35.000 And when did the marijuana thing happen?

01:06:37.000 They started going after marijuana.

01:06:39.000 It was just a couple of years later.

01:06:41.000 Had to be.

01:06:42.000 A bunch of cops hanging around going, hey, come on!

01:06:44.000 1937. 1937, yeah.

01:06:46.000 What's the guy's name that owned the LA newspaper?

01:06:49.000 William Randolph Hearst. 0.83

01:06:51.000 And he was hated Mexicans. 0.52

01:06:53.000 Well, he hated losing money. 0.94

01:06:57.000 This is what he hated.

01:06:58.000 So he had, and this is a controversial sort of conspiratorial theory, but there's a lot of evidence that points in this direction, is that at one point in time, Popular Science put a cover on one of their magazines that said,

01:07:16.000 And it's because they had created a new machine called a decorticator.

01:07:21.000 And what a decorticator was, was in the old days, there it is, right there.

01:07:26.000 The new billion dollar crop.

01:07:27.000 See if you can get the whole cover of it.

01:07:30.000 The cover of the Popular Science is really interesting.

01:07:34.000 Because it was on the cover.

01:07:36.000 Is that closed, too?

01:07:37.000 Yeah.

01:07:38.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:07:39.000 The fibers of the hemp plant are very, very, very unique.

01:07:44.000 And it's something that we are right now just starting to adjust to.

01:07:50.000 Like, you can sell hemp.

01:07:51.000 You know, my company, Onnit, one of the things that we would sell is hemp protein.

01:07:57.000 I took my protein.

01:07:59.000 It was really hard because it had to be grown in Canada and then it had to be shipped to the United States in the early days before they allowed it to be grown in America.

01:08:07.000 It was so preposterous because there was no THC in it at all, but we couldn't even get it in America.

01:08:13.000 So we had to get it grown in Canada and then we'd bring it over across the border.

01:08:17.000 And we had to make sure that it didn't have any THC. The whole idea is that hemp seeds have an amazing nutritional profile.

01:08:26.000 They're really high in amino acids.

01:08:28.000 It's really easy to digest.

01:08:30.000 It's a really good solid protein.

01:08:32.000 It's really good for you.

01:08:34.000 And it's one of the best plant-based proteins.

01:08:37.000 But people are so averse to this idea of marijuana being good for you in any way that they attach it to hemp, Yeah.

01:09:02.000 It gets attached to that same thing.

01:09:04.000 It gets demonized.

01:09:06.000 And this is all back to the 1930s.

01:09:08.000 All of it.

01:09:09.000 Really?

01:09:09.000 No, 100%.

01:09:10.000 It's not based on reality.

01:09:12.000 It's not based on marijuana's killing people.

01:09:14.000 That's nonsense.

01:09:15.000 There's one real link to schizophrenic episodes, and there's a real consideration there.

01:09:22.000 Oh, by the way, I feel like I was there one time in ninth grade.

01:09:25.000 I bet you were. 1.00

01:09:25.000 I feel like I lost my shit. 1.00

01:09:28.000 I bet you became really close. 1.00

01:09:30.000 I've been close a bunch of times.

01:09:34.000 I think the thing is though that there's a certain percentage of the population that is schizophrenic I don't I think it's like 1% And I think that's pretty standard. 0.68

01:09:46.000 I think that number is pretty standard I don't think it gets higher or lower depending upon marijuana consumption And I want to be clear that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about but let's find out if that's true because I think that The numbers, so like, say if someone smokes weed and they blow their, 0.96

01:10:02.000 they get crazy. 0.94

01:10:03.000 They blow their mind and they start acting nutty and they become schizo. 1.00

01:10:07.000 Yeah.

01:10:07.000 Like, how sure are we that they weren't on their way before that happened?

01:10:11.000 That was going to happen anyway.

01:10:12.000 I think I would argue that, I mean, I would argue that everyone that I know is schizophrenic, and I know a few dude's brothers that are schizophrenic.

01:10:19.000 Yeah.

01:10:20.000 That it started with drugs, but I think it was going to happen anyway.

01:10:25.000 I mean.

01:10:26.000 But we don't know that.

01:10:27.000 Here's, I'll take the other approach.

01:10:30.000 Maybe they would have been fine.

01:10:32.000 Maybe it would have been a difficult life, but they would have gotten through it if they didn't have some crazy marijuana experience.

01:10:39.000 Maybe that marijuana experience will ruin the life.

01:10:41.000 That's possible, too.

01:10:43.000 That's possible, yeah.

01:10:44.000 There's got to be a certain number where there's a bunch of people out there that can't handle weed. 0.97

01:10:50.000 Just like there's some people that have one drink and they get gopher eyes and they just start fucking taking their pants off and running through fires. 0.99

01:10:56.000 My wife, yeah, keep going. 1.00

01:10:57.000 It happens.

01:10:58.000 Yeah.

01:10:58.000 Listen.

01:11:00.000 Schizophrenia linked to marijuana use disorder is on the rise, study finds.

01:11:04.000 Right, but that's just like a headline on CNN. They also said I ate horse medicine, okay?

01:11:10.000 But you know this is the same place.

01:11:12.000 It said I ate horse medicine.

01:11:15.000 But is it saying that there's a linked?

01:11:18.000 Okay.

01:11:19.000 How about Google this?

01:11:22.000 Google what percentage of people are schizophrenic?

01:11:29.000 Oh, it's got to be super low.

01:11:31.000 What do you think is higher, COVID or schizophrenia?

01:11:34.000 For death?

01:11:35.000 No, just in life.

01:11:36.000 How many people get it?

01:11:37.000 How many people do you think, oh, no, no, no.

01:11:39.000 Way more people get COVID. Yeah, you're right, death.

01:11:41.000 You're right, death.

01:11:41.000 In the United States?

01:11:42.000 Should we keep going?

01:11:42.000 Because I have to pee.

01:11:43.000 I'm barely hanging on there. 1.00

01:11:45.000 You have to take a shit? 1.00

01:11:46.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:11:47.000 Okay, all right.

01:11:48.000 We'll be right back. 1.00

01:11:49.000 Should we take a piss and shit? 1.00

01:11:50.000 You want to keep going? 1.00

01:11:51.000 Yeah.

01:11:51.000 I'll keep going.

01:11:52.000 Let's keep going.

01:11:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:11:53.000 Let's keep going.

01:11:53.000 Let's make this an eight-hour podcast.

01:11:55.000 Okay. 0.99

01:11:56.000 I've never once held a shit in my life. 0.98

01:11:58.000 It's important to not. 0.98

01:11:59.000 I think it's bad for you.

01:12:00.000 I think it is.

01:12:01.000 I've heard people get a...

01:12:02.000 What do we drink a beer now?

01:12:03.000 I drink a beer.

01:12:04.000 Hold on.

01:12:06.000 Ready?

01:12:06.000 One, two, three.

01:12:08.000 Oh, my fingernail almost came off.

01:12:11.000 What happened to me when I was playing golf the other day?

01:12:12.000 I was starting to sweat.

01:12:14.000 Bro, who was that guy that shot a 400?

01:12:17.000 I'm telling you, bro.

01:12:18.000 Bryson DeChambeau.

01:12:19.000 He's the man. 1.00

01:12:20.000 Oh, Bryson DeChambeau is a fucking gangster. 1.00

01:12:22.000 What was the distance? 1.00

01:12:23.000 417. That is so crazy.

01:12:25.000 417 yards for a golf ball?

01:12:28.000 Hang on, one second, I think.

01:12:31.000 By the way, I'm a big Bryson DeChambeau fan, but I think he cut some corners, went over the fans, right?

01:12:37.000 I'll show you.

01:12:38.000 And then had the wind at his back, correct?

01:12:40.000 Well, I'm sure he did with the wind, because that's how you get it.

01:12:44.000 Someone sounds like a hater. 1.00

01:12:46.000 Listen, not me, not with that motherfucker. 1.00

01:12:48.000 Dude, I watched golf for that guy. 1.00

01:12:50.000 Yeah, same.

01:12:51.000 So everybody else hit on the fairway over here on the left, because that's where it's safe to hit.

01:12:56.000 And then you knock it over to the other place. 0.99

01:12:58.000 He skipped all that shit and went over here. 1.00

01:13:00.000 Dude, he's a gangster. 1.00

01:13:02.000 So is that a crazy move that no one does?

01:13:04.000 Well, it's because you have to clear all of it.

01:13:05.000 It's 400 yards to clear all of that, and most people couldn't hit that far if they wanted to.

01:13:10.000 Plus, there's a bunch of people standing here.

01:13:11.000 You're going to hit somebody.

01:13:12.000 So how many strokes does that add?

01:13:14.000 It takes away.

01:13:15.000 I mean, a benefit in him.

01:13:16.000 At least one.

01:13:17.000 No, no, no, definitely.

01:13:18.000 No, because no one at 305 is going to get onto the green from there.

01:13:22.000 So they all have to lay up.

01:13:24.000 And he's literally, I think he was 70 yards away from the green.

01:13:28.000 72, yeah.

01:13:28.000 So is this the new thing, like super athletes who know how to whack a ball accurately?

01:13:32.000 That's what Tiger Woods started.

01:13:34.000 In the 90s.

01:13:35.000 When you brought up Domination earlier, I was going to bring up his stats of making 120 cuts in a row and won seven events in a row at one time.

01:13:42.000 That always made sense to me.

01:13:45.000 There was a thing about golfers.

01:13:47.000 I was like, these guys obviously are very good at what they do, but they don't look like regular athletes.

01:13:53.000 What if a regular athlete started playing golf?

01:13:55.000 I think that was what Tiger did.

01:13:57.000 Tiger changed the game on so many levels.

01:14:00.000 He made golf an event.

01:14:01.000 I would watch golf with my dad on the phone, and we'd watch Tiger play.

01:14:06.000 I gotta say this, too, though, is that Tiger was so powerful.

01:14:10.000 He had so much torque that that's why he's having back problems now.

01:14:13.000 And so you wonder with a guy like Bryson.

01:14:15.000 By the way, Bryson just lost a bunch of weight. 0.95

01:14:17.000 He looks fucking amazing. 0.97

01:14:19.000 Is this Australia when they're attacking the police? 0.99

01:14:23.000 They're blocking his streets.

01:14:23.000 It looks the same almost, but when he was walking up 18, the people were going so nuts that...

01:14:28.000 What kind of security is this? 1.00

01:14:29.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

01:14:29.000 They tried. 1.00

01:14:30.000 What's that guy behind him with his arms out? 1.00

01:14:32.000 Bitch, put your arms down. 1.00

01:14:33.000 There's fucking 40,000 people and one guy that's famous. 1.00

01:14:36.000 And they're all drunk. 0.99

01:14:36.000 And they're all hammered. 0.99

01:14:38.000 And you gotta remember, he was...

01:14:39.000 Luckily, they're golf people, right? 0.83

01:14:41.000 Oh, golf people would be savages. 0.98

01:14:43.000 That doesn't mean much. 0.99

01:14:44.000 Yeah, golf people would be savages. 0.99

01:14:45.000 Imagine if this was Domino's fans. 0.74

01:14:46.000 Because they're mostly just drunk guys.

01:14:49.000 Rugby fans?

01:14:50.000 John Daly came in first.

01:14:52.000 John Daly came in first.

01:14:53.000 He came in as an amateur in the US Open, correct?

01:14:56.000 And came in and started hitting these monster drives, like 350, 375. And everyone rallied, and he had a mullet.

01:15:03.000 He was like Theo Vaughn, but fat and blonde.

01:15:06.000 Right. 0.79

01:15:06.000 God, man, he is a... 0.79

01:15:07.000 With a cigarette in his mouth. 1.00

01:15:08.000 Look at this motherfucker. 1.00

01:15:09.000 Cigarette in his mouth. 1.00

01:15:11.000 Back in the day. 0.89

01:15:12.000 A real gangster in golf.

01:15:14.000 I mean, when you say...

01:15:16.000 Is he from Florida?

01:15:16.000 Because if he's not, I'll be depressed.

01:15:18.000 Oklahoma.

01:15:19.000 Close enough.

01:15:20.000 If you say hero, that's one of my heroes right there, right?

01:15:24.000 So John Daly comes in, starts hitting monster drives, and everyone's on the tee box going, grip it, rip it, John!

01:15:30.000 Grip it, rip it! 1.00

01:15:31.000 And now I know why you're into Patty.

01:15:33.000 Patty Pempleton, go to that picture that you showed me.

01:15:35.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:15:35.000 You gave me a fucking good haircut! 1.00

01:15:36.000 I'm in! 1.00

01:15:38.000 That one down there, down there to the right-hand side.

01:15:40.000 To the right-hand side.

01:15:41.000 All the way over.

01:15:42.000 All the way over.

01:15:42.000 Yeah, no, right there.

01:15:43.000 Right above that one.

01:15:44.000 Oh, my bad.

01:15:45.000 Sorry, back.

01:15:45.000 Yeah, with the goofy...

01:15:46.000 That one! 1.00

01:15:47.000 That is...

01:15:48.000 That is...

01:15:49.000 That is...

01:15:50.000 That is...

01:15:53.000 That is...

01:15:54.000 That is...

01:15:56.000 That is...

01:15:59.000 That is...

01:16:01.000 That is...

01:16:03.000 That is...

01:16:05.000 That And took a sip.

01:16:07.000 Dude, can I tell you, Joe, when I say, so TPC, 1997, he's in St. Augustine, right?

01:16:14.000 I think he went into rehab right after this, if I'm not mistaken.

01:16:18.000 Oh, I should have taken the money. 0.99

01:16:20.000 Fucked up. 0.98

01:16:20.000 It's timing. 0.98

01:16:21.000 TPC, 1997, I'm about to come out in Rolling Stone as the number one party album in the country, and we were in St. Augustine partying our balls off in John Daly's at a bar, and we just see him.

01:16:30.000 You were there?

01:16:30.000 You saw him at a bar?

01:16:32.000 And we were like, hey man, Daly's seen drinking on night before he withdrew.

01:16:37.000 You were there. 0.99

01:16:38.000 I almost jumped in that fucking... 1.00

01:16:40.000 on Hole 17 naked. 1.00

01:16:42.000 What?

01:16:42.000 I almost jumped in.

01:16:43.000 Thank God I didn't.

01:16:44.000 Wait a minute.

01:16:44.000 So you were there drinking with John Daly the night before he withdraws from an event.

01:16:50.000 The night he's at a bar in St. Augustine or Jacksonville.

01:16:54.000 We were pretty drunk also.

01:16:56.000 Jack's Beach.

01:16:57.000 Jack's Beach.

01:16:58.000 But the tournament's in St. Augustine, if I'm not mistaken.

01:17:01.000 And so we all went out to see that, and John Daly's there, and my buddies hit me like, that's John Daly.

01:17:07.000 And all I remember out of that whole fucking night was he was, and I know that he withdrew the next day, but he was so accessible. 0.69

01:17:14.000 He was so nice. 1.00

01:17:15.000 He was not being an asshole. 0.99

01:17:17.000 He was having fun. 1.00

01:17:18.000 He was having a good time.

01:17:19.000 And he's a professional athlete.

01:17:21.000 And I remember thinking, and I was like, that's the guy I want to be.

01:17:25.000 Like, that's the guy.

01:17:26.000 It says right here, he kept the crowd going.

01:17:29.000 O'Neal said.

01:17:30.000 It was obvious he was there to have a good time.

01:17:32.000 By the time he left, he definitely was feeling very little pain.

01:17:39.000 This guy, man, this guy is...

01:17:42.000 He was like...

01:17:44.000 I would go to golf tournaments with my dad to watch this guy play.

01:17:48.000 Wow.

01:17:49.000 Because he would come in, and it was a little touch and go.

01:17:52.000 Sometimes he'd be a little shaky, you know?

01:17:54.000 Because he'd hammered. 0.99

01:17:55.000 Hammered the night before, and sometimes he'd just fucking destroy. 0.97

01:17:59.000 And it was nothing more fun to watch him just... 0.65

01:18:01.000 Do you think that influenced your future choices?

01:18:04.000 100%.

01:18:05.000 I mean, 100%.

01:18:07.000 You know why this is funny?

01:18:08.000 Do you know the story about you and Tom when you were playing tennis against each other?

01:18:11.000 No.

01:18:14.000 Wait, why?

01:18:16.000 Tom hired a coach.

01:18:19.000 And Tom worked with his coach, and he was practicing with his coach, and the coach said, listen, you got your fundamentals down, you're doing great.

01:18:29.000 He goes, this guy's drinking all night. 0.97

01:18:31.000 He's like, unless he's some sort of fucking John Daly type dude. 0.97

01:18:36.000 And Tom goes, no, no, no, he's exactly a John Daly type dude. 0.98

01:18:39.000 He goes, then the coach goes... 1.00

01:18:41.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:18:42.000 And then you shut up with a fucking somewhere out of nowhere. 1.00

01:18:48.000 See me get video of this. 1.00

01:18:50.000 The tennis match.

01:18:51.000 It's gotta be online.

01:18:52.000 Out of nowhere!

01:18:53.000 You got a legit Division 1 serve. 0.98

01:18:56.000 Like, who the fuck saw this coming? 0.91

01:18:59.000 Bert Kreischer has a legit Division 1 tennis serve. 1.00

01:19:05.000 And you just fucking smoked those balls past Tommy Bunz. 0.99

01:19:09.000 He was in such agony. 1.00

01:19:12.000 He was so bummed out.

01:19:13.000 He was so sad.

01:19:14.000 I remember his son showed up and they made him leave early because he didn't want his son to see it.

01:19:18.000 Did you, at any point in time, think of yelling out to him, you should have stuck to the dance-off?

01:19:22.000 No.

01:19:23.000 Dude, I remember watching him not be able to return.

01:19:26.000 It was, like, awkward.

01:19:28.000 Like, it wasn't even hitting the strings on his racket.

01:19:30.000 It would hit the handle and shoot up in the air.

01:19:32.000 You have a sick serve.

01:19:34.000 It's crazy. 0.95

01:19:35.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:19:35.000 Like, if you develop that thing, like, some dudes are just really good at shooting fucking three-pointers. 0.99

01:19:40.000 You know, there's like guys just have this touch and you watch them doing like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:19:45.000 How are you doing that? 0.99

01:19:47.000 All right.

01:19:47.000 Well, I played tennis.

01:19:48.000 Here's the other thing is I played tennis and golfing and I was just I was an athlete.

01:19:51.000 I know I don't look like it now.

01:19:53.000 I was an athlete all growing up.

01:19:55.000 I believe you.

01:19:56.000 And so I love I love the beauty of a sport and like the the finesse, you know with golf.

01:20:04.000 I played with Tom and Ari when we were in Atlanta for the...

01:20:09.000 We went to the thing for the Sober October thing or whatever. 0.99

01:20:15.000 I would like to go with you guys and play golf and just talk shit. 0.99

01:20:18.000 Oh. 1.00

01:20:19.000 I would just like to keep smoking joints and keep talking shit. 1.00

01:20:23.000 That's half the fun. 1.00

01:20:25.000 Yeah.

01:20:26.000 But we had so much fun, and then Ari played golf for college, I think? 0.99

01:20:31.000 Who's better at golf, Ari or you guys?

01:20:35.000 Well, I mean, you know me.

01:20:37.000 I would never, ever say anyone but me, but that's my brain.

01:20:40.000 Right.

01:20:40.000 No, I get it.

01:20:41.000 I remember when you told me you could do the splits.

01:20:43.000 Yeah, and I'd never done one.

01:20:44.000 You couldn't get even close to the splits.

01:20:45.000 And I remember you'd look at your face, you're like, you've never done a split.

01:20:47.000 And then you asked me if I could do the splits, and I said, yeah. 0.99

01:20:50.000 And then I did it, and you go, holy shit, you could do the splits? 0.99

01:20:53.000 I go, I just told you. 0.99

01:20:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:55.000 You didn't believe me.

01:20:56.000 I definitely was better than Ari and Tom in golf, and I drank. 0.99

01:21:01.000 Hardcore that whole fucking day. 0.99

01:21:03.000 I don't think that counts. 0.99

01:21:04.000 You don't add points if you're hammered.

01:21:08.000 I do and I don't.

01:21:10.000 I was gambling with them hardcore and destroyed them in golf.

01:21:15.000 But...

01:21:17.000 They're not like...

01:21:18.000 Golf is different for me.

01:21:20.000 We grew up playing golf in Florida.

01:21:22.000 Your mom would drop you off the golf course and you just play...

01:21:24.000 You have to fight alligators and Cubans. 1.00

01:21:27.000 Dude, you hit a ball in the fucking lake and you go in and get it. 1.00

01:21:30.000 No way. 1.00

01:21:31.000 Yeah, go in and get it.

01:21:32.000 But there's alligators in there.

01:21:33.000 Hey, that was part of going up in Florida.

01:21:34.000 But wait, what year were you down there?

01:21:36.000 Who's this?

01:21:37.000 That's Ari. 0.99

01:21:38.000 Oh, this is Ari.

01:21:38.000 Ari's got a pretty good swing.

01:21:39.000 He played collegiate golf.

01:21:40.000 I don't like those shoes. 1.00

01:21:41.000 Is he wearing fucking clogs? 1.00

01:21:42.000 What is he wearing? 1.00

01:21:43.000 But that's...

01:21:44.000 Oh, it was terrible.

01:21:45.000 Okay.

01:21:45.000 Pull up Burt Kreischer golf swing.

01:21:47.000 He plays golf like he plays pool.

01:21:49.000 Go ahead, Jamie.

01:21:49.000 Pull up Burt Kreischer golf swing.

01:21:50.000 PXG. By the way, that PXG guy, I told you about him.

01:21:54.000 No.

01:21:54.000 Bob Parsons?

01:21:55.000 What?

01:21:56.000 Bob Parsons?

01:21:56.000 What are you saying?

01:21:57.000 Bob Parsons owns PXG. What are these words you keep using?

01:22:00.000 I'm hammered.

01:22:02.000 He does ecstasy for PTSD stuff.

01:22:06.000 Oh.

01:22:06.000 Oh, that works.

01:22:07.000 Yeah, it does work.

01:22:09.000 Yeah, that's the whole MAPS protocol.

01:22:11.000 Yeah?

01:22:11.000 Yeah, it's MDMA for PTSD and they've used it with soldiers and domestic violence victims and football players.

01:22:19.000 This is them doing me a fitting at PXG. Wow.

01:22:25.000 This is a seven iron. 1.00

01:22:27.000 Damn, dude. 1.00

01:22:29.000 That's impressive as fuck. 1.00

01:22:31.000 Is that the same as yours? 1.00

01:22:34.000 Yeah.

01:22:36.000 Exactly?

01:22:37.000 There's a thing about pool.

01:22:39.000 When you play pool, there's a magic number that if someone can hit the break shot at 30 miles an hour, it's crazy.

01:22:46.000 Really?

01:22:46.000 30 miles an hour is bananas.

01:22:48.000 Shotgun break.

01:22:49.000 See, what is the fastest break shot in pool?

01:22:53.000 Like Guinness Book of World Records.

01:22:54.000 I think it's in the 30s.

01:22:56.000 I think some dude hit like 35 or 36 or something like that.

01:22:59.000 See, that's what I live life for, though. 0.99

01:23:02.000 Records and- I don't give a shit how I play pool. 1.00

01:23:04.000 But if you look at me and you go, God damn it, that's a fucking shotgun break. 0.99

01:23:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:23:08.000 I knew a dude named Rob.

01:23:10.000 He was- I don't want to say what we really called him.

01:23:14.000 But he had one eyeball that wasn't totally looking at you.

01:23:18.000 And this dude was giant.

01:23:20.000 He was a big dude.

01:23:21.000 He was like six foot two, but like thick. 1.00

01:23:24.000 Big fucking Eastern European looking motherfucker. 1.00

01:23:27.000 And he had a crazy break. 1.00

01:23:29.000 And he used to play pool at White Plains Billiards.

01:23:32.000 Or Executive Billiards in White Plains.

01:23:34.000 New York.

01:23:36.000 Everyone would watch when he breaks.

01:23:38.000 We'd be like, watch, watch, Rob's breaking, Rob's breaking.

01:23:41.000 He was just this gorilla of a person.

01:23:44.000 He was so big.

01:23:46.000 There's certain dudes that, for whatever reason, just nature has provided them with larger limbs, bigger forearms.

01:23:54.000 Explosivity.

01:23:54.000 When I watch you kick, when you kick, There's this weird thing that I don't have, or like a regular person don't have, and it's just like, I don't know if it's fast switch, Pat McAfee calls it explosivity, where you just go, pop, and not everyone has that.

01:24:11.000 Well, I think there's a time that you have to develop it.

01:24:16.000 Really?

01:24:16.000 Yeah, I think it directly, this is from my own personal experience, I think it directly corresponds with how your body is developing.

01:24:27.000 So do you think there's a time period in your life when that started?

01:24:30.000 Yeah.

01:24:30.000 I think there's a thing that happens if you do it before puberty.

01:24:35.000 So I got into it at puberty.

01:24:38.000 Oh, wow.

01:24:38.000 That's interesting.

01:24:39.000 Yeah.

01:24:39.000 So I took Kung Fu when I was young, and then I didn't have four or five years with nothing.

01:24:47.000 And then I took a karate.

01:24:49.000 I was at a karate place for a little bit, and then I went to Taekwondo when I was 15. So when I was Kung Fu, when I learned a little bit of it, very little.

01:24:58.000 I would practice a little bit.

01:25:00.000 Like I would throw some kicks like they showed me and I figured out how to use my body a little bit. 0.99

01:25:04.000 And you say I was fucking around. 0.99

01:25:05.000 I was a little kid. 1.00

01:25:06.000 I would like throw crescent kicks and shit like that. 0.99

01:25:09.000 But... 0.96

01:25:10.000 I didn't necessarily, like, practice it until I was legitimately, like, 14, then 15. 14, a little bit of karate, and then 15, I got, like, hardcore.

01:25:20.000 And I think that, like, as, like, 15 and 16 and 17 as a man, that is when your body is filling with hormones, and you're growing, and you're coming into yourself.

01:25:31.000 And I was doing it at the same time I was learning how to throw kicks.

01:25:35.000 So I think that's what helped me.

01:25:37.000 Okay, so I've always said this.

01:25:39.000 Like, when I got injured, I thought, I'm going to recover fine because I've always done arms.

01:25:45.000 My whole life I've done arms.

01:25:46.000 That definitely helps, right?

01:25:47.000 Big arms.

01:25:48.000 And I go, I'm ready to bounce back.

01:25:51.000 But I wondered, like, I haven't done anything to do the strength of my arm because I was like, I don't want to re-injure it.

01:25:59.000 I want to let the doctors tell me what to do.

01:26:01.000 But I, my whole life, I think because I grew up in Florida, it's buys and tries. 0.98

01:26:07.000 Every day is fucking arm day. 0.98

01:26:08.000 Right. 0.99

01:26:08.000 And I don't have defined arms, but I have big arms. 0.99

01:26:12.000 Gun show, son.

01:26:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:26:14.000 Like, you fuck your wife like this, and she sees it. 1.00

01:26:16.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:26:17.000 Not your wife. 0.97

01:26:17.000 You know what I mean. 0.97

01:26:18.000 Your wife.

01:26:18.000 I get it.

01:26:20.000 And are you doing, like, a palm on the shoulder, or are you choking a bitch? 1.00

01:26:23.000 I don't choke. 1.00

01:26:24.000 I'm not that...

01:26:24.000 I wish I had that confidence.

01:26:27.000 I wish I had that confidence to go...

01:26:31.000 Some women want that. 1.00

01:26:32.000 They grab your hand.

01:26:33.000 They force it in there.

01:26:34.000 I am blown away by that.

01:26:35.000 That's an unusual trait. 1.00

01:26:37.000 That is a fucking... 1.00

01:26:39.000 That is a animalistic... 1.00

01:26:41.000 That's a wild bitch. 1.00

01:26:42.000 I've never had one of those in my life. 1.00

01:26:44.000 We can talk.

01:26:45.000 They exist.

01:26:46.000 They're out there.

01:26:47.000 They're wild folk.

01:26:49.000 You saw Ben Rothwell?

01:26:51.000 You saw that picture?

01:26:52.000 Yeah.

01:26:52.000 Right.

01:26:52.000 People are different.

01:26:54.000 Yeah, people are different.

01:26:55.000 Jesus Christ.

01:26:55.000 People are different.

01:26:56.000 I wonder if there's like...

01:27:01.000 I sometimes wonder if my wife wants that and I don't bring it.

01:27:04.000 Why don't you talk to her?

01:27:05.000 Well, I brought it up one time.

01:27:07.000 I was like, hey, do you want me to tie you up?

01:27:08.000 She's like, no.

01:27:09.000 You should do it on MDMA. Yeah.

01:27:12.000 Take some fucking ecstasy and talk to each other. 1.00

01:27:15.000 I gotta wait till the kids are out of the house. 1.00

01:27:18.000 Try it then.

01:27:19.000 I don't know.

01:27:19.000 I think...

01:27:20.000 I don't know.

01:27:21.000 I'm afraid of who my wife would be on ecstasy.

01:27:23.000 She should be afraid.

01:27:25.000 We should all be afraid of everything.

01:27:26.000 That's where it's most fun.

01:27:28.000 Yeah?

01:27:29.000 Yeah!

01:27:30.000 Have you done ecstasy?

01:27:32.000 Oh yeah.

01:27:32.000 I only did it once.

01:27:33.000 But it was enough to realize two things.

01:27:36.000 One, I can't do shows the night after I do ecstasy.

01:27:40.000 I found that out the hard way.

01:27:42.000 I couldn't even read.

01:27:43.000 I was sitting in a coffee shop trying to read a boxing magazine.

01:27:46.000 I couldn't read.

01:27:48.000 I did it in St. Louis after Ari drugged me.

01:27:51.000 And I was just shaking.

01:27:53.000 And I was like, I'm getting through this. 0.99

01:27:55.000 Fucking Ari. 1.00

01:27:55.000 All those people in that crowd, Ari should owe them all a free ticket for a new show. 1.00

01:27:59.000 Oh, it was a good show.

01:28:00.000 It was a good show.

01:28:01.000 They found out that I had gotten drunk because I was open and honest.

01:28:04.000 That's hilarious.

01:28:06.000 Alright, I take it back.

01:28:07.000 Someone said...

01:28:08.000 That's better than a regular show.

01:28:10.000 I got drugged last night.

01:28:12.000 You guys are going to hear about this on a podcast coming up. 0.99

01:28:14.000 Ari Shaffir drugged me and everyone was just like, what the fuck? 0.98

01:28:18.000 And it was, you know, it was fans. 0.99

01:28:19.000 So they were like...

01:28:21.000 But yeah, I... That was...

01:28:23.000 I can't...

01:28:25.000 I'm not an ecstasy guy. 0.81

01:28:26.000 Although it's pretty fucking awesome. 0.92

01:28:29.000 Here's the thing. 0.75

01:28:30.000 The problem is the comedown.

01:28:33.000 Comedown's horrible.

01:28:34.000 Do you know that that's one of the reasons why Onnit got started?

01:28:38.000 Ecstasy?

01:28:42.000 Aubrey came up with an idea for a product called Roll On and Roll Off.

01:28:48.000 I've heard about this.

01:28:49.000 Yeah, I know it.

01:28:50.000 It was the first products he came up with.

01:28:52.000 When Aubrey and I started talking about doing a company...

01:28:55.000 What year is this?

01:28:56.000 Ugh...

01:28:59.000 Maybe 2010, somewhere around then.

01:29:02.000 I might be wrong.

01:29:04.000 You might have already had it.

01:29:06.000 But I remember he brought it to me and he said this is for people to get off of ecstasy.

01:29:11.000 5-HTP enhances your body's ability to produce dopamine.

01:29:16.000 That's tough.

01:29:17.000 I'll swear by that guy.

01:29:19.000 Yeah, and then tryptophan converts to 5-HTP. 5-HTP is legit.

01:29:25.000 Yeah.

01:29:26.000 If you're going through an episode, like, I don't know whatever the fuck your episodes are, but, like, I do OCD anxiety episodes. 0.69

01:29:34.000 Airports. 0.92

01:29:34.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:29:36.000 Fucking The Day Before I Fly. 1.00

01:29:38.000 And that 5-HTP actually fucking works. 1.00

01:29:41.000 It definitely does. 0.99

01:29:43.000 It's like a building block for human neurotransmitters.

01:29:47.000 It's a building block for dopamine.

01:29:48.000 It's a building block for, like, literally the chemical that makes you happy.

01:29:54.000 And Neil Brennan was the first person who told me about it.

01:29:57.000 I was driving back from Sacramento with my family in the car.

01:30:01.000 I had headsets in, listening to you and Neil Brennan in your house when you did the podcast in your house.

01:30:05.000 And Neil Brennan said, I can't use my SSRIs while I use 5HTP. And then I was like, that shit must work. 0.99

01:30:13.000 Yeah, they said that he had to get off the 5HTP. Is HTTP the website? 0.99

01:30:22.000 HTP is what we're talking about, right?

01:30:24.000 It's a problem.

01:30:26.000 I might take a couple tomorrow morning.

01:30:28.000 I'm going to be firing hot at the Austin airport.

01:30:34.000 We have to figure out what's the optimal balance for all those things that are in your head.

01:30:40.000 Dude, give me a mix.

01:30:41.000 Cerex, honing, dopamine.

01:30:43.000 A little bit of mushrooms. 0.99

01:30:45.000 Adrenaline and cortisol and all that shit. 0.99

01:30:49.000 Oxytocin. 0.99

01:30:49.000 I won't take it all the time. 0.99

01:30:50.000 What's the optimum?

01:30:51.000 What I want is...

01:30:54.000 Get up in the morning, it's like, it's five in the morning, you gotta get your flight, and just a pill, like Xanax used to be, but you can take a Xanax and you just feel like, cool.

01:31:03.000 Yeah, but then you start freaking out, and it takes a year off your life.

01:31:06.000 Yeah, Xanax turns your brain into mush.

01:31:08.000 Well, getting off it, apparently, is one of the hardest things to do.

01:31:11.000 That's the Jordan Peterson thing.

01:31:13.000 Yeah.

01:31:14.000 What was that?

01:31:15.000 I never heard about that until late.

01:31:17.000 Dude, he...

01:31:19.000 Benzodiazepine, apparently, is one of the rare things that when you are addicted to it, if you get off of it and you quit cold turkey, you can die.

01:31:30.000 It's in a small group of other things that are addictive, like alcohol is another one.

01:31:36.000 If you're an alcoholic and you just cold turkey quit alcohol, you could die.

01:31:43.000 You've got to drink a lot, though.

01:31:45.000 I mean, it's like, for anyone listening, trust me when I drink a lot.

01:31:49.000 Amy Winehouse was not that old, man.

01:31:50.000 No, no, not that old, but you have to drink.

01:31:53.000 You kinda gotta drink, and look, I'm not a doctor, but you kinda gotta drink the second you wake up and the second you go to bed.

01:31:59.000 And we've all had those days.

01:32:01.000 Since we've already violated copyright law.

01:32:04.000 Amy Winehouse.

01:32:06.000 Put that rehab song on.

01:32:08.000 Put that rehab song on.

01:32:09.000 Let's listen to this.

01:32:11.000 She was amazing, man.

01:32:12.000 I remember I heard her sing, I was like, what is this?

01:32:16.000 And then I saw her in a video.

01:32:18.000 Let me see a video.

01:32:22.000 She was beautiful, too.

01:32:23.000 She was beautiful, but it's like she was from another era.

01:32:35.000 My anthem.

01:32:36.000 And if my daddy thinks I'm bad.

01:32:38.000 I'm fine.

01:32:39.000 I'm fine.

01:32:41.000 Go right here.

01:32:42.000 Here we go.

01:32:50.000 I don't have it either, Amy.

01:32:55.000 Salute, my brother.

01:32:57.000 Cheers.

01:32:58.000 Whiskey.

01:33:02.000 Here we go.

01:33:09.000 Yeah.

01:33:14.000 I love it.

01:33:27.000 How sexy was she? 1.00

01:33:34.000 You know what she was?

01:33:37.000 She was authentic.

01:33:39.000 She's trying to make me go to rehab. 1.00

01:33:45.000 I think people recognize all the elements of their self in her.

01:33:49.000 Yeah.

01:33:55.000 I love it.

01:34:01.000 I love this.

01:34:03.000 I'm gonna lose my baby So I always keep on following me If you

01:34:33.000 have an intervention with me, when I walk in the door, start playing this song.

01:34:36.000 No, keep playing it. 1.00

01:34:44.000 And with this announcement, fuck so for October! 1.00

01:34:48.000 We're out! 1.00

01:34:49.000 We're out, baby!

01:34:51.000 We're going Amy Whitehouse! 1.00

01:34:53.000 Fuck it! 1.00

01:34:53.000 I'm going hard as shit in the paint! 1.00

01:34:55.000 We're going Amy Whitehouse October, bitches! 1.00

01:34:58.000 I want Rehab November! 0.99

01:35:01.000 We're all in for October!

01:35:04.000 It's Blackout October!

01:35:08.000 I'll take January off.

01:35:10.000 I'll take it off too.

01:35:12.000 Jesus Christ.

01:35:15.000 She was so good.

01:35:19.000 Authentic, man. 1.00

01:35:22.000 There's no dentistry going on in her fucking history. 1.00

01:35:28.000 She doesn't need perfect teeth. 1.00

01:35:30.000 She's perfect.

01:35:32.000 Dude, she doesn't.

01:35:32.000 Imperfectly perfect.

01:35:36.000 I can't got the time.

01:35:39.000 But my daddy thinks I'm fine.

01:35:41.000 I can't got the time.

01:35:43.000 I said no, no, no.

01:35:47.000 Come on, son. 1.00

01:35:48.000 God damn it, man. 0.99

01:35:49.000 That's what life's all about. 0.99

01:35:50.000 That's what life's all about.

01:35:52.000 It's like there's trades.

01:35:54.000 There's trades.

01:35:54.000 You have trade-offs.

01:35:56.000 Do you want a long life eating granola? 0.99

01:35:59.000 Or do you want to get crazy and make some fucking amazing hits? 1.00

01:36:02.000 I'll tell you what I want. 1.00

01:36:03.000 Oh, I'm so crazy.

01:36:04.000 I'm going to cry.

01:36:06.000 Tommy.

01:36:06.000 Oh, I'm gonna cry.

01:36:07.000 Hold on, hold on.

01:36:08.000 I'm gonna hold it back. 1.00

01:36:08.000 Cry, bitch! 1.00

01:36:09.000 Come on, don't hold it back. 1.00

01:36:11.000 Tommy.

01:36:15.000 You're looking at Eskimo right now.

01:36:17.000 I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.

01:36:19.000 Tommy asked me what I wanted at my funeral today. 0.78

01:36:22.000 He goes, hey man, we're just bullshitting.

01:36:26.000 Is this a five hour podcast?

01:36:27.000 We're driving by a graveyard and I say, I go, hey, do you want to be buried or cremated?

01:36:33.000 He goes, I don't know.

01:36:34.000 He's like, you know, I'm Catholic.

01:36:36.000 I think I want to be buried.

01:36:38.000 Tommy's Catholic? 1.00

01:36:39.000 Yeah, his mom's a fucking soccer fan. 1.00

01:36:42.000 And so he goes, he goes, uh, His mom's a soccer fan! 1.00

01:36:48.000 He goes, I think I want to be buried.

01:36:51.000 And he goes, but I'd rather be cremated.

01:36:53.000 And he goes, what about you?

01:36:54.000 I said, I want to be buried. 1.00

01:36:56.000 I would be buried if they didn't fuck with me first. 1.00

01:36:59.000 The real problem is they want to fucking embalm you. 1.00

01:37:02.000 They want to fill your veins up with formaldehyde and preserve your body in some unnatural state so that bacteria and worms and nature can't really absorb you. 0.99

01:37:13.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:37:13.000 Like you're supposed to be absorbed.

01:37:15.000 You shouldn't be in a box.

01:37:17.000 Let the tree just eat me up. 1.00

01:37:18.000 Fuck boxes, man. 1.00

01:37:20.000 The day that we can figure out who killed everybody, whether or not you actually murdered somebody so we don't have to exhume someone and do some fucking Michael Badden domestic evidence, forensic evidence, like that fucking HBO autopsy show. 1.00

01:37:35.000 The mushroom suit digests your body after you die. 0.99

01:37:38.000 That's what I'm talking about!

01:37:40.000 I want that.

01:37:41.000 I want to contribute to the earth.

01:37:43.000 This is what we're supposed to do.

01:37:45.000 If you could plant me into a tree and then have me be a part of the tree, but have me be like a protected tree.

01:37:51.000 Avatar.

01:37:53.000 That tree, that tree that gives you all the little light things coming down?

01:37:56.000 That's what we're supposed to have.

01:37:57.000 We're supposed to die and become a part of nature.

01:38:00.000 How do I get that?

01:38:01.000 We've got to stop using funerals!

01:38:03.000 We've got to stop using coffins and formaldehyde.

01:38:06.000 Tommy said, he goes, do you want a funeral?

01:38:08.000 Oh, you wanted that? 1.00

01:38:09.000 I want a Viking funeral on a fucking boat on fire in the middle of a lake. 1.00

01:38:15.000 For real? 1.00

01:38:16.000 Yeah, 100%.

01:38:17.000 The biodegradable...

01:38:18.000 Are you kidding me?

01:38:19.000 How do you want to die? 0.95

01:38:21.000 You want to just die? 1.00

01:38:22.000 You want to be buried in some fucking stupid suit that you've never worn before in your whole life? 1.00

01:38:26.000 No. 1.00

01:38:26.000 All of a sudden you got a suit and your veins filled with chemicals made by some weird company that doesn't give a fuck about you and you're like, just like, preserved? 1.00

01:38:34.000 No, no. 0.96

01:38:35.000 My point is...

01:38:36.000 You got glass eyes.

01:38:36.000 I want the party.

01:38:37.000 Makeup on.

01:38:38.000 I want the party.

01:38:39.000 I want the funeral.

01:38:41.000 I want a funeral.

01:38:42.000 I want a funeral.

01:38:43.000 That's number one.

01:38:43.000 Okay, what kind of funeral?

01:38:44.000 You want everybody to be sad?

01:38:45.000 Oh, are you kidding me?

01:38:47.000 Yeah, I want a lot of people.

01:38:48.000 By the way, you're going to be crying too, just for the record.

01:38:51.000 I like that you acknowledge you're going to die before me.

01:38:54.000 I appreciate your honesty.

01:38:59.000 Oh! 0.60

01:39:01.000 Don't do it.

01:39:02.000 I forgot to tell you.

01:39:04.000 What?

01:39:04.000 I saw a mountain lion two days ago.

01:39:08.000 Like a real mountain lion.

01:39:11.000 No, three days ago.

01:39:12.000 A real, legit, bona fide, terrifying mountain lion.

01:39:18.000 Like an enormous mountain lion.

01:39:20.000 In Utah.

01:39:23.000 I've seen three mountain lions in my life.

01:39:26.000 The first two were very small.

01:39:27.000 The first one, it was in the distance.

01:39:29.000 It looked like a, if I had to guess, like a coyote size.

01:39:33.000 It was small.

01:39:34.000 A small animal.

01:39:35.000 How's the size?

01:39:36.000 140?

01:39:36.000 140 pounds?

01:39:37.000 Less.

01:39:38.000 Way less.

01:39:38.000 Like 50, 60 pounds at the most.

01:39:40.000 At the maximum.

01:39:41.000 The second one I saw was exactly the same kind of size.

01:39:44.000 Like maybe 60, 70 pounds. 0.99

01:39:46.000 This motherfucker was like 170 pounds. 1.00

01:39:51.000 At least. 1.00

01:39:51.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:39:52.000 It was huge. 0.99

01:39:53.000 It had a pumpkin head.

01:39:55.000 I mean like this big.

01:39:56.000 It was 30 yards from the truck we were on.

01:39:58.000 We were driving down this road and I was with my friend Colton and he yells out, there's a mountain lion.

01:40:04.000 There's a mountain lion.

01:40:05.000 He hits the brakes and his headlights of his truck light up the side of the road 30 yards away and I see...

01:40:12.000 these glowing eyes and this giant cat and it's like maybe like right before the Sun goes down but the Sun's up so it's kind of dusky and I get my binoculars out and I'm looking at a giant cat I mean,

01:40:28.000 huge forearms.

01:40:31.000 I mean, it's sitting under a tree like this, looking at us.

01:40:36.000 It's so big!

01:40:38.000 It has massive paws, massive forearms, shoulders.

01:40:42.000 It's the whole bulk of its body.

01:40:44.000 I'm like, that's as big as me!

01:40:46.000 It's a cat as big as me!

01:40:48.000 It's so big, dude.

01:40:51.000 And then it just takes off.

01:40:52.000 It just runs into the trees. 0.98

01:40:54.000 And my friend gets out of the car, and he looks around, and he's like, holy shit! 0.57

01:40:58.000 I had seen this thing- Wait, where were you? 0.70

01:40:59.000 Where were you?

01:41:00.000 In Utah.

01:41:01.000 In the mountains.

01:41:02.000 Deep in the mountains.

01:41:03.000 I had seen this thing with my binoculars.

01:41:05.000 It was on a dirt road.

01:41:08.000 I saw this thing so clearly.

01:41:11.000 This big cat.

01:41:12.000 And I remember thinking to myself, imagine all these people.

01:41:18.000 Imagine all these people that are like, you should keep the mountain lions alive!

01:41:24.000 It's so important!

01:41:27.000 They're amazing animals! 1.00

01:41:29.000 And these people are out jogging, and that motherfucker just by hook or by crook, by zinger by zag, just happens to be on the trail, and they run into this fucking 170-pound super predator cat. 1.00

01:41:44.000 How quickly they turn on that. 1.00

01:41:46.000 It's like that old Colin Quinn jerk. 0.99

01:41:47.000 Did you see this video? 1.00

01:41:48.000 Yes, I did.

01:41:49.000 The lady was running by. 1.00

01:41:51.000 That was a good-sized cat, but that was like an 80-pound cat.

01:41:55.000 That's a little cat. 0.99

01:41:56.000 Still, I tried to get a fucking 10-pound cat into a fat cat bag. 1.00

01:42:00.000 It was a shit show. 1.00

01:42:01.000 Dude, I had a cat that I tried to get spayed. 1.00

01:42:03.000 I had a wild cat at one point in time in my life.

01:42:06.000 I had a feral cat when I first lived in California.

01:42:09.000 Of course you did.

01:42:10.000 I had to take two weeks off.

01:42:13.000 No, two weeks off.

01:42:14.000 That's a lie.

01:42:15.000 Two days off and just sleep with this cat in a bedroom to get it to like me.

01:42:21.000 Yeah?

01:42:21.000 My friend Lainey, her and her boyfriend found a bunch of cats that had made a bunch of kittens underneath their apartment.

01:42:28.000 And she said, we rescued these kittens.

01:42:31.000 There's like six of them.

01:42:32.000 Do you want one?

01:42:32.000 I go, okay, I'll take one.

01:42:33.000 And I didn't know they were...

01:42:35.000 I didn't know what feral meant.

01:42:37.000 She told me they were under the...

01:42:38.000 I didn't understand.

01:42:39.000 They were wild cats.

01:42:40.000 So I'm in this apartment.

01:42:42.000 It was a house, rather, I was renting in Encino. 1.00

01:42:44.000 And this fucking cat. 1.00

01:42:46.000 I tried to let it out of the cage. 1.00

01:42:50.000 And it starts running up the fucking drapes and freaking out. 0.97

01:42:55.000 And then when I eventually slowly corner it, I would touch it. 0.98

01:42:58.000 And when I touch it and pet it a little bit, it would go...

01:43:03.000 And we start purring, rather.

01:43:05.000 And I go, oh, this little thing just doesn't understand what I am.

01:43:08.000 And it's scared and doesn't know what to do.

01:43:10.000 I go, okay.

01:43:13.000 Okay.

01:43:13.000 So I got a pile of books.

01:43:15.000 And I went into this bedroom in this spare house that I had in Encino.

01:43:20.000 And I stacked the books.

01:43:21.000 And I brought cat food.

01:43:23.000 And I brought a litter box.

01:43:24.000 So I put a litter box over here.

01:43:26.000 And I had the cat food in there.

01:43:27.000 And I just read books. 1.00

01:43:28.000 And I hung out with this fucking cat for days. 0.99

01:43:31.000 And me and this cat, like, slowly became friends. 0.99

01:43:34.000 I started patting his head.

01:43:36.000 That is so different than the man I am.

01:43:39.000 I would never...

01:43:41.000 Like, that's a representation of your sensitivity of, like, you want to connect with an animal.

01:43:49.000 I kind of look at an animal.

01:43:50.000 If it doesn't want to connect with me, I'm like, I get it.

01:43:53.000 We're not cool.

01:43:55.000 I've never been a cat guy, for one.

01:43:58.000 I'm a dog guy, but I'm kind of like, I think you're just different than I am.

01:44:02.000 Like, I have two dogs, three dogs.

01:44:04.000 Two dogs, three dogs.

01:44:05.000 Well, I'm different than I was.

01:44:08.000 Like, I wouldn't do that today. 0.99

01:44:10.000 I don't have the time to be spending two days with a fucking crazy cat. 0.98

01:44:13.000 But what was that part of your personality that was into? 0.99

01:44:17.000 Because I was a refugee, too.

01:44:19.000 I was like, I understood what this cat was going through. 0.99

01:44:21.000 He got a bad fucking hand of cards. 0.99

01:44:24.000 That's my wife. 1.00

01:44:25.000 That's my wife. 1.00

01:44:26.000 All people.

01:44:27.000 My wife is a refugee in her life, and she goes, animal, she connects more with animals. 1.00

01:44:33.000 I wish she'd talked to me the way she'd talk to animals. 0.89

01:44:36.000 Like this, she goes...

01:44:37.000 What about, what are you saying? 0.98

01:44:38.000 Like, I fucking, I get up... 1.00

01:44:41.000 What about sex? 1.00

01:44:42.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:44:45.000 I wish you'd talk to me! 1.00

01:44:46.000 I wish you'd talk to me!

01:44:47.000 I wish you'd talk to the dog!

01:44:48.000 Get down! 0.98

01:44:49.000 Get down! 0.98

01:44:50.000 Let's go! 0.99

01:44:52.000 Terrorists!

01:44:52.000 She gets up, and then it's like, she'll be tired and exhausted, and I'm like, hey, you want to hang out?

01:44:57.000 She's like, I got a busy day.

01:44:59.000 And then you'll hear her in the other room.

01:45:00.000 She's like, too, too bad.

01:45:02.000 How you doing?

01:45:03.000 Like, she'll sing songs to them.

01:45:05.000 To the dog.

01:45:05.000 To all of them.

01:45:06.000 And I go, how do I get that personality to me?

01:45:09.000 You gotta stop talking.

01:45:14.000 The problem is we talk.

01:45:16.000 And we all talk. 0.98

01:45:17.000 And we're like, bitch, that's not 100% what you mean. 1.00

01:45:19.000 And that gets other people upset. 0.99

01:45:21.000 And they don't want to talk to you.

01:45:23.000 Is your wife a big animal person? 1.00

01:45:26.000 No.

01:45:27.000 Not really.

01:45:28.000 She loves Marshall.

01:45:30.000 Marshall's a different animal.

01:45:31.000 Yeah, Marshall's like a weird human sort of slash dog thing.

01:45:36.000 How could you acclimate him to the new house?

01:45:39.000 Oh, it was so easy.

01:45:40.000 Really?

01:45:41.000 It was so easy.

01:45:42.000 He doesn't care as long as you're there.

01:45:44.000 He's so easy.

01:45:45.000 He's the best dog of all time.

01:45:48.000 That dog, like, I got an Instagram page.

01:45:51.000 It's Marshall May Rogan.

01:45:52.000 That dog is a weird dog, man.

01:45:54.000 He's an empath.

01:45:56.000 He knows how you're thinking.

01:45:59.000 I hate when people say that about their dogs as a reveal.

01:46:05.000 I hate it, but the reality is some dogs, they're tuned into you.

01:46:09.000 That dog's tuned into me. 1.00

01:46:11.000 I look at him, I go, what, bitch? 1.00

01:46:13.000 And he'll come over and start licking my face, I go, what, bitch? 1.00

01:46:16.000 And then he'll be on my back and he's kissing me. 1.00

01:46:19.000 He knows what I'm playing.

01:46:20.000 Really? 1.00

01:46:21.000 He knows fucking with him. 1.00

01:46:22.000 Yeah, he knows fucking with him. 1.00

01:46:24.000 And then he also knows like pure love. 0.99

01:46:26.000 Like when I get up in the morning, one of the first things I do, one of the first things I do in the morning, after I say hi to my family and everything like that, I go to Marshall and I go, good morning, sir!

01:46:36.000 Good morning!

01:46:37.000 And he gets so excited.

01:46:38.000 He runs and grabs a toy and he starts whimpering and running around in circles.

01:46:42.000 I go, good morning, sir!

01:46:44.000 Like he wants like the morning to be a big deal.

01:46:47.000 The average American that has a dog doesn't do that.

01:46:51.000 I don't know, man.

01:46:52.000 I don't know.

01:46:53.000 A lot of people do.

01:46:54.000 The thing about dogs is they are what you...

01:46:57.000 It's a weird animal in that there's some dogs that are legitimately always great.

01:47:04.000 And one of those is Marshall, the Golden Retrievers.

01:47:08.000 They're legitimately always super sweet family type dogs.

01:47:11.000 They're a great breed.

01:47:13.000 But the other thing is what you put into that dog is how that dog treats you.

01:47:18.000 And like, I see that with Marshall.

01:47:20.000 Like in the morning, we have this little weird ritual.

01:47:22.000 I go, good morning, sir!

01:47:24.000 And he's like, oh!

01:47:25.000 And I make a big deal out of it.

01:47:27.000 I make a big deal out of it with him.

01:47:29.000 And he gets all excited. 0.98

01:47:30.000 So when he sees me in the morning, his tail's fucking going like crazy. 0.96

01:47:33.000 And we have fun together. 0.98

01:47:35.000 It's like...

01:47:36.000 There's a thing that's...

01:47:37.000 If I just treated the morning like normal parts of the day, come on, you want to go outside?

01:47:42.000 Go outside. 1.00

01:47:42.000 Go take a shit. 1.00

01:47:43.000 Come on, let's go. 1.00

01:47:44.000 Back inside.

01:47:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:47:45.000 Like, I don't care.

01:47:46.000 Like, I made every morning, like, a special event.

01:47:49.000 Like, ooh, look at you!

01:47:51.000 And he lies in his back.

01:47:52.000 He's like, pick my tummy.

01:47:55.000 It's a different kind of dog, man.

01:47:57.000 I've had a bunch of different dogs in my life.

01:47:59.000 What was Johnny Cash?

01:48:02.000 He was a Regency Mastiff. 0.96

01:48:04.000 He was a super, super, super sweet dog.

01:48:07.000 He was a great dog.

01:48:08.000 He was wonderful, but he had a real problem with his joints.

01:48:12.000 He was a big dog.

01:48:13.000 And as he got over, it was devastating.

01:48:16.000 Towards the end of his life.

01:48:19.000 He couldn't really walk anymore.

01:48:20.000 So I had to carry him from the backyard into the house because he would move like maybe at the most 10 yards from the door.

01:48:32.000 That was the most towards the end of his life.

01:48:34.000 And I would say, at the end of the night, I'd be like, you hungry, buddy?

01:48:37.000 You want to eat?

01:48:38.000 And he would, like, get up and, like, look at me.

01:48:40.000 And I would just lift him.

01:48:41.000 And he was, like, 140-plus pounds.

01:48:44.000 And I would carry him into the house.

01:48:47.000 And I would set him down in front of his food and feed him.

01:48:50.000 And then I would let him go outside, go to the bathroom.

01:48:54.000 And then I'd pick him back up and bring him back inside.

01:48:57.000 And then at a certain point in time, I was like...

01:49:01.000 I don't want to see him die in pain over a period of several weeks.

01:49:05.000 The most humane thing would be to figure out when's the right time to stop this and put him down. 1.00

01:49:13.000 It was the saddest fucking... 0.99

01:49:14.000 It was so sad, man, because he was such a genuinely sweet dog. 1.00

01:49:20.000 It was so sweet.

01:49:22.000 Those mastiffs are uniquely sweet.

01:49:24.000 Like, they're so big.

01:49:26.000 They're so sweet.

01:49:27.000 We had Priscilla for a long time.

01:49:30.000 She's the greatest dog in the world.

01:49:33.000 I had to put her down. 0.97

01:49:34.000 I ended up telling a joke about her at Red Rocks and crying on stage.

01:49:40.000 But you know what? 1.00

01:49:41.000 It's like, fuck it. 1.00

01:49:42.000 If you're a dog person, you get it. 1.00

01:49:43.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:49:44.000 And if you're not a dog person, then go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:49:48.000 Shots fired. 1.00

01:49:49.000 If you're not a dog person, I don't think I want to know you.

01:49:52.000 If you're not an animal person, I'd love...

01:49:55.000 Yeah, but what if you got bit by a dog when you're four?

01:49:57.000 My sister.

01:49:58.000 My sister. 1.00

01:49:58.000 Damn, that's what I'm talking about. 1.00

01:49:59.000 You're so rude to your sister. 1.00

01:50:00.000 But like and then we now we got we got to come over your house.

01:50:05.000 Yeah.

01:50:06.000 Yeah.

01:50:06.000 We got two bull Mastiffs.

01:50:07.000 She gets sketched out a little bit sometimes.

01:50:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:10.000 Maybe we should be such a fucking shitty brother and put those dogs in a room. 1.00

01:50:15.000 Maybe she should learn how to get a gun. 1.00

01:50:21.000 We got two Bull Mastiffs and they're fucking sad. 1.00

01:50:24.000 I love these goddamn dogs. 1.00

01:50:26.000 Mastiffs are great dogs because they're literally designed to protect people. 1.00

01:50:30.000 But the thing about them is they're so big that a lot of them have joint problems.

01:50:34.000 I'm worried about that with Mac, our big one. 0.99

01:50:37.000 Big Mac is like 140 pounds, the biggest fucking head you've seen. 1.00

01:50:43.000 What kind of dog? 1.00

01:50:44.000 Bull Mastiff. 0.51

01:50:45.000 Do you have a Neapolitan?

01:50:47.000 No, we have another Bull Mastiff, Izzy, which is the reverse brindle that you hit me up and you're like, that's a good looking dog.

01:50:55.000 Beautiful dog. 0.99

01:50:57.000 Izzy's a fucking lunatic, but Mac is like a fucking stand at the door, like, look like a badass. 1.00

01:51:07.000 Yeah, and it is fucking awesome. 1.00

01:51:12.000 Yeah, because you got some big thing that's protecting you from the outside world.

01:51:16.000 Yeah.

01:51:17.000 That's why they were designed. 1.00

01:51:18.000 I go on the road, and then you got this fucking 140-pound monster and my dog. 1.00

01:51:23.000 That's my wife and my dog. 1.00

01:51:27.000 That was a mom joke.

01:51:29.000 Edit that out. 1.00

01:51:33.000 But it's great to have this fucking monster sitting at your front door that people are going, like, is your dog cool? 0.99

01:51:41.000 Sometimes. 1.00

01:51:42.000 Yeah, sometimes.

01:51:43.000 Sometimes he gets sketched out by a salesman. 0.98

01:51:45.000 Or he gets fucking worked up and scares the shit out of people. 0.98

01:51:49.000 I remember meeting Johnny Cash. 0.99

01:51:51.000 He was a sweet dog, right?

01:51:56.000 You got him through Fear Factor, right?

01:51:58.000 Yeah.

01:51:59.000 One of the guys who was a trainer of one of the attack dogs we used on Fear Factor, my friend Joe, he was breeding these dogs that were part Neapolitan Mastiff and part Pit Bull.

01:52:13.000 And one of the things that was amazing was how chill the dog was.

01:52:16.000 So I go to the guy and his dog, his dog named Curly, and what would happen, people put on those dog bite suits, and the people would run, the dog would attack them and throw them to the ground.

01:52:27.000 And I said, this dog is so friendly.

01:52:29.000 I go, how do you get him to do what you want him to do?

01:52:32.000 And he said, the whole thing is like, for a friendly dog, you just got to make sure that the dogs that are super aggressive, you don't breed them.

01:52:40.000 So if you have a large stable of dogs, like when a dog becomes super aggressive towards other dogs, just don't let them breed.

01:52:48.000 And the dogs that are chill, you let them breed.

01:52:50.000 And then you slowly develop, he'd been doing it for decades, you develop a breed like Marshall.

01:52:57.000 that like is just friendly to everybody yeah and it's interesting that you can do it it's interesting that you went from like because you raised pit bulls that were rescues to those bull mastiffs to now marshall which is such a family dog well i love all kinds of dogs like my oldest daughter has like a chihuahua slash um whip it mix he's this little yeah oh my god he runs to me like full clip I like all dogs,

01:53:25.000 man.

01:53:25.000 I like French bulldogs.

01:53:26.000 Have you seen the Whippet pit bull mix?

01:53:28.000 No, it's not true.

01:53:29.000 That's not what it is.

01:53:30.000 What it is is the Whippet has myostatin inhibitors.

01:53:36.000 It's like there's a missing thing in their genetics. 1.00

01:53:41.000 That thing's fucking ridiculous. 1.00

01:53:42.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:53:43.000 So it's a myostatin deficiency.

01:53:45.000 And so what this is is the dog has some crazy genetic...

01:53:51.000 Anomaly that allows it to grow many, many times the muscle that a regular whippet has.

01:53:58.000 Really?

01:53:58.000 Yes.

01:53:58.000 And humans have it sometimes, too.

01:54:00.000 So there's a whippet on the right, and on the left is a whippet with this myostatin inhibitor issue.

01:54:08.000 But there's humans.

01:54:09.000 There's a German boy that was born.

01:54:12.000 Pull him up.

01:54:13.000 Pull him up.

01:54:13.000 German boy myostatin inhibitors.

01:54:16.000 And there's been a few boys that are born around the world where they have like immense muscles at like six.

01:54:24.000 Look at that kid.

01:54:26.000 Jacked! 0.73

01:54:27.000 Look at these kids. 1.00

01:54:28.000 Oh, shut up. 1.00

01:54:29.000 Well, that's kids on roids. 1.00

01:54:31.000 Okay.

01:54:33.000 Here's another problem.

01:54:35.000 Okay, just Google German boy.

01:54:39.000 Oh, that's it right there.

01:54:39.000 That guy right there.

01:54:40.000 Which one?

01:54:42.000 Click on that kid on the second page.

01:54:44.000 I think...

01:54:45.000 Oh, that's fake.

01:54:46.000 That's so fake.

01:54:51.000 This takes time.

01:54:52.000 If you want to Google all the kids...

01:54:55.000 I was spending my night doing that.

01:54:57.000 Just see if you can Google myostatin inhibitor boy.

01:55:04.000 Look at that kid's bicep. 0.99

01:55:05.000 It's like Roy Jones Jr. Jesus Christ.

01:55:08.000 Went to a high school with a kid like that.

01:55:11.000 Really?

01:55:13.000 Myostatin boy.

01:55:14.000 Okay.

01:55:15.000 The problem is some of these kids...

01:55:17.000 Well, that kid's a perfect example.

01:55:19.000 Jesus Christ, these jacks. 1.00

01:55:21.000 Look how jacked that son is.

01:55:23.000 Got it.

01:55:23.000 Oh my goodness.

01:55:25.000 Imagine if you were in first grade with that kid, and you're like, oh my god, my lunch money's gone forever.

01:55:29.000 I remember being 13 with a kid like that.

01:55:32.000 I wish I remembered his name.

01:55:33.000 He was shaving already, and he had muscles.

01:55:36.000 He was 13, he was shaving!

01:55:37.000 13 shaving.

01:55:38.000 That's not fair.

01:55:39.000 And I remember being like, he shouldn't pitch.

01:55:41.000 Dude, that's the same story that I had.

01:55:43.000 When I was playing baseball, I was 13, I was playing baseball, and there was this kid that everybody was like, I want to see his birth certificate!

01:55:49.000 Yeah! 0.99

01:55:49.000 Dude, I wish I remembered this kid's fucking name. 0.99

01:55:52.000 He was, like, throwing heat. 1.00

01:55:54.000 Exactly.

01:55:55.000 This kid was a pitcher, too.

01:55:57.000 I mean, music, but this kid's...

01:55:58.000 Supposedly this kid's 11 years old.

01:56:00.000 He's 11!

01:56:01.000 Which kid's 11?

01:56:02.000 The one you're watching right here that's throwing everyone around.

01:56:05.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

01:56:06.000 That kid's 11?

01:56:07.000 How big is he?

01:56:08.000 How big is he supposed to be?

01:56:10.000 Alright, here's my hot take.

01:56:11.000 But he's so big.

01:56:12.000 Oh my god.

01:56:13.000 Is he really 11?

01:56:14.000 Are those 11 year old?

01:56:16.000 Yeah.

01:56:16.000 Those are 11 year old kids.

01:56:18.000 And a man throwing them around.

01:56:20.000 Oh my god.

01:56:20.000 A grown man.

01:56:22.000 Oh my goodness.

01:56:23.000 There's no way he's 11. Well.

01:56:25.000 His mom might have lied.

01:56:26.000 That's the problem.

01:56:28.000 Yeah.

01:56:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:56:33.000 Yeah, it's not fair.

01:56:34.000 That's the thing about athletics.

01:56:36.000 If you look at LeBron James versus Mighty Mouse, it's not fair.

01:56:39.000 So what advancement do you think LeBron James has by being consistently that much bigger than all the kids his whole life and then being as big as the adults?

01:56:52.000 That's a good question.

01:56:54.000 Was it The Outliers that had this, was that the book?

01:56:59.000 I believe it was the book.

01:57:00.000 It was.

01:57:01.000 I read about where they were talking about kids that were born at a certain time of the year.

01:57:07.000 So if you were born at a certain time of the year, I forget what time of the year was.

01:57:10.000 January.

01:57:11.000 You moved into the earlier grade versus the later grade.

01:57:16.000 So depending upon when you were born, you could be like a kid who's like at the extreme end of 14, and you could be with someone who is just getting into 14 at the exact same time, and you all be in 9th grade.

01:57:29.000 The problem is you're way closer to 10th grade, and they're in 9th grade, and you're going to be bigger.

01:57:35.000 So you're going to be able to get away with more things.

01:57:36.000 You have more testosterone.

01:57:38.000 You might have 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 months more development and growth, which at 14 is gigantic.

01:57:45.000 So those kids disproportionately become more successful at sports. 0.95

01:57:49.000 And since we already know that, why the fuck are we letting that happen?

01:57:53.000 Why aren't we figuring out a way to pair kids up by the actual age, like whether it's within quarters or By size. 0.97

01:58:07.000 Are you bored?

01:58:09.000 No, no, no.

01:58:10.000 All the pro hockey players are all born in January to February.

01:58:15.000 All of them.

01:58:15.000 All the pros.

01:58:17.000 And it's like at a certain point you go, well then it's a disadvantage to any kid that...

01:58:21.000 When I say all, I'm definitely wrong.

01:58:24.000 I'm gonna say all and say I'm right.

01:58:26.000 I'm definitely wrong.

01:58:27.000 I think even Malcolm Gladwell.

01:58:28.000 Was it Malcolm?

01:58:29.000 No, it wasn't.

01:58:30.000 Who was the outliers?

01:58:30.000 Who wrote that?

01:58:33.000 It wasn't Gladwell.

01:58:36.000 Was it?

01:58:37.000 It was Michael Gladwell, yeah.

01:58:38.000 Okay.

01:58:39.000 Why do I think it wasn't him?

01:58:40.000 There's another one called The Superman Gene.

01:58:42.000 It's a similar book, but it's like...

01:58:43.000 Is it Mickey Mantle Gene?

01:58:45.000 What is it?

01:58:46.000 No, that's a different thing.

01:58:49.000 What's Superman, Gene?

01:58:51.000 I realized one thing during that whole Sober October thing that we did, that fitness challenge.

01:58:55.000 I'm like, I can't be doing these because I will definitely die.

01:58:58.000 Oh, you will.

01:59:00.000 You definitely will. 0.99

01:59:00.000 We will all die. 0.99

01:59:01.000 No, you have that fast trigger brain that doesn't let you just relax. 1.00

01:59:06.000 That's it.

01:59:06.000 The rise of Superman.

01:59:07.000 Sweet.

01:59:08.000 That's right.

01:59:10.000 Steven Collar.

01:59:11.000 The Rise of Superman.

01:59:13.000 That was a real problem, though.

01:59:14.000 We were all working out way too much for one month.

01:59:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:19.000 That's like a Goggins thing or a Cam Haynes thing.

01:59:22.000 There's a certain part of your life where you have to acknowledge that that's too much time and effort.

01:59:29.000 Right?

01:59:30.000 It made me crazy.

01:59:30.000 The first time we did it, it made me crazy.

01:59:32.000 And Tom kept texting me.

01:59:33.000 He was like, you're just a comic.

01:59:35.000 Let it go.

01:59:35.000 You're just a comic.

01:59:37.000 He kept texting you about it?

01:59:38.000 Yeah, because I was losing my mind.

01:59:40.000 What were you losing your mind about?

01:59:42.000 It wasn't the first one, second one, when we wore the...

01:59:46.000 The fitness challenge.

01:59:46.000 Yeah.

01:59:47.000 And I made the mistake of challenging you, and I was like, whatever you do, I do double. 0.97

01:59:51.000 And I was joking, and you were like, oh, I'll do fucking ten times. 0.96

01:59:57.000 We started setting off sprinkler systems in your house. 0.99

02:00:00.000 I set the fucking fire alarm off in my gym. 0.99

02:00:03.000 But it started to fuck with my head because I'd wake up and I'd be like, you're at 5,000 or is it 2,000? 1.00

02:00:10.000 And I'm sitting there at like 800 going like, fuck. 1.00

02:00:14.000 I really started losing my mind about it. 0.99

02:00:16.000 Tom's like, hey man, we're having fun.

02:00:19.000 How about when Tom got the flu and he had to take like four days off and then he came back and ran 13 miles?

02:00:27.000 And you know what he was doing?

02:00:29.000 You know what he was doing?

02:00:29.000 He was doing that dance video.

02:00:31.000 Yeah.

02:00:32.000 He was doing the dance video.

02:00:33.000 He's like, yeah, I got sick.

02:00:35.000 I'm not going to do it.

02:00:36.000 I went for a hike the other day, and then all of a sudden I was like, $13,000. 0.99

02:00:40.000 I go, where the fuck did you get that from? 0.99

02:00:41.000 He goes, I don't know. 1.00

02:00:42.000 And then we go back, and it was that dance goddamn video. 0.97

02:00:45.000 Well, I got you guys on two things. 0.98

02:00:47.000 One, I got you guys on a John Wick marathon.

02:00:51.000 I watched a John Wick marathon where I watched John Wick like 13 times in a row, and I think I did 8 hours at 145 beats per minute.

02:01:03.000 That's crazy, Joe. 0.99

02:01:05.000 That's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:01:06.000 I want to see how far I can keep going. 0.99

02:01:09.000 I still think about Ari on that rowing machine when his heart rate's at like 157 and he's been doing it for an hour.

02:01:17.000 And I remember looking at that thing going like, I don't have that in me.

02:01:21.000 I don't have that in me at all.

02:01:22.000 I'm not competing in this.

02:01:24.000 But you do.

02:01:25.000 What is this, 86%?

02:01:26.000 Yeah.

02:01:27.000 And then is this the Ari thing?

02:01:28.000 Yeah, that's Ari. 1.00

02:01:29.000 Look at this. 0.99

02:01:30.000 That's 184 fucking points. 0.99

02:01:33.000 Keeping it in the yellow the whole time. 0.99

02:01:35.000 158. On this fucking thing. 1.00

02:01:38.000 This is hard, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:01:40.000 Hard work!

02:01:42.000 Oh, he's hitting the red.

02:01:43.000 He's never looked better. 0.99

02:01:45.000 That was fun as fuck, Joe. 1.00

02:01:47.000 You don't hit that fucking red. 1.00

02:01:48.000 Yeah, it was fun. 1.00

02:01:49.000 It made me crazy, but that was fun as fucking shit. 0.99

02:01:52.000 My wife made me promise that I wasn't going to do that again. 0.99

02:01:54.000 It was so much fun waking up and seeing what you guys' numbers were.

02:01:57.000 You'd look at the numbers and you'd go like, alright, I got a shot.

02:02:01.000 Alright.

02:02:01.000 This is what I think.

02:02:02.000 It's good to know that you can do that.

02:02:04.000 Yeah. 0.92

02:02:04.000 It's good to know that if shit gets crazy, you can push yourself into some weird space where you're doing seven hours of cardio a day, which is what we were all doing. 0.92

02:02:14.000 Oh, dude, I remember one night... 0.95

02:02:16.000 But it's not good to do it all the time.

02:02:18.000 It was not healthy.

02:02:19.000 It's not healthy. 0.85

02:02:20.000 I remember one night, I get on the treadmill, and I ran, and this is when I had that fucking, that one we had to run it yourself, you know? 0.94

02:02:28.000 Oh, yeah, those are the best. 0.98

02:02:30.000 Yeah, I had that one.

02:02:30.000 Self-propelled treadmills.

02:02:32.000 And I get off, and I go to bed with Leanne, and you guys all posted your numbers while I was on the treadmill.

02:02:41.000 And I went out in my neighborhood, and I ran seven miles. 0.99

02:02:44.000 Shit. 1.00

02:02:45.000 And I remember being so clear on my goal and going, like, I'd run to get my heart rate into the fucking green or the yellow or whatever. 1.00

02:02:53.000 And then you'd just run, and then you'd be like, all right, I'm here. 0.68

02:02:56.000 And then I'd study, and the green has to run harder.

02:02:58.000 It was like the clearest I've ever been with fitness.

02:03:02.000 I did that... 0.61

02:03:03.000 I remember I fucked up because at the very beginning I ran like a marathon in one day. 0.70

02:03:07.000 And everyone was like, oh, you posted dot dot dot? 0.98

02:03:10.000 Well, we'll show you what that was.

02:03:12.000 And then all of a sudden everyone's number skyrocketed.

02:03:14.000 That was the funnest...

02:03:15.000 That really was probably the funnest, at the beginning, the funnest we've ever had in Sober October.

02:03:22.000 Because it got...

02:03:23.000 I got way out of control.

02:03:24.000 You know when it turned dark?

02:03:27.000 When was it for you?

02:03:28.000 Ari Shafir watched a movie on his iPad while he was doing cardio, and he said it's way easier if you just watch a movie.

02:03:36.000 Yeah.

02:03:37.000 I was like, oh my god, he's right.

02:03:39.000 I've just been just suffering, trying to get through the suffering.

02:03:42.000 If you watch something that's interesting, it'll take away the suffering.

02:03:45.000 And so I started watching John Wick, and I watched John Wick like 150 times in a row.

02:03:53.000 I watched John Wick like literally 10 times in a day.

02:03:59.000 I just was watching only the bathhouse scene.

02:04:02.000 I was watching this scene where he walks up and he puts the gun to the bouncer's head.

02:04:06.000 He goes...

02:04:07.000 And the guy, he says hello.

02:04:09.000 He says, Mr. Wick.

02:04:10.000 And he said, oh, you've lost weight.

02:04:12.000 And he goes, yeah, I died.

02:04:14.000 He speaks in Russian.

02:04:15.000 He's like 60Q. He's like, oh, impressive.

02:04:18.000 And he says, are you here for business?

02:04:20.000 They're, afraid so, Francis.

02:04:22.000 And he goes, why don't you take the night off? 0.99

02:04:24.000 And the guy takes the fucking earphones out. 0.99

02:04:26.000 He goes, thank you, Mr. Wick. 1.00

02:04:28.000 And he moves away. 0.85

02:04:29.000 And then John Wick goes in the bathhouse and kills everyone.

02:04:33.000 And I watched that scene over and over. 0.97

02:04:37.000 And I marked it on Apple, iTunes, or ITV, or whatever the fuck it is. 0.97

02:04:42.000 I watched it over and over and over and over again. 1.00

02:04:45.000 This is when you broke your fucking house. 1.00

02:04:47.000 The fucking fire alarm. 1.00

02:04:51.000 Look at the puddle. 1.00

02:04:52.000 Look at that sweat.

02:04:53.000 Jesus Christ.

02:04:54.000 Look at that sweat.

02:04:55.000 Look at that sweat.

02:04:59.000 While that was happening, it was like... 1.00

02:05:01.000 John Wick running through the fucking Russian bathhouse with a gun, trying to kill... 1.00

02:05:09.000 Dude, I did not have that in my brain. 1.00

02:05:12.000 I did not have that in my brain.

02:05:14.000 Like, I remember...

02:05:15.000 You have it.

02:05:16.000 You just gotta dig.

02:05:17.000 Who's carrying the boats? 0.99

02:05:18.000 Weird shit has to happen to you. 0.99

02:05:24.000 Alright. 1.00

02:05:24.000 Bert, this is a legit, record-setting podcast. 1.00

02:05:28.000 How many hours, Jamie?

02:05:29.000 What do we got?

02:05:30.000 We're running up on five right now.

02:05:32.000 Five hours, son.

02:05:34.000 Let's let all these... 1.00

02:05:38.000 Pussies online, get upset, and write some articles! 1.00

02:05:42.000 Yeah, send them out, and then title them, Who's Carrying the Boats? 0.99

02:05:46.000 Who's Gonna Carry the Boats?

02:05:47.000 Who's Gonna Carry the Boats?

02:05:49.000 Who's Carrying the Boats?

02:05:50.000 That's my question.

02:05:51.000 Are you really?

02:05:51.000 And I need David Goggins to make that shirt.

02:05:54.000 I need him to make that shirt because I want to wear that shirt.

02:05:55.000 Who's Gonna Carry the Boats?

02:05:56.000 Because I want someone to see me.

02:05:58.000 The thing about merch is when they see you and they know it.

02:06:01.000 Dude, my wife says that to me all the time. 1.00

02:06:03.000 She'll just yell out, Who's Gonna Carry the Boats? 1.00

02:06:05.000 I mean, if I'm wearing that shirt and you see me and you go, who's going to carry the boats?

02:06:10.000 I go, David Goggins carries the boats!

02:06:13.000 I gotta pee again.

02:06:14.000 Good night, everybody.

02:06:15.000 I love you dearly. 1.00

02:06:16.000 Burt Kreischer, you're the fucking man. 0.99

02:06:18.000 Love you, brother. 0.99

02:06:18.000 Thank you, sir. 0.99

02:06:19.000 Love you, too.

02:06:19.000 Move to Texas.

02:06:21.000 I love you!

02:06:23.000 Good night!

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 28, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 2

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript