The Joe Rogan Experience - April 23, 2022


Joe Rogan Experience #1808 - Dan Soder

Topics
chipping employees attitudes Klaus Schwab superhero outfit Conspiracy Theorist Affliction MMA events breaking boards psilocybin experience check spot check spots football working out comedy stays around Colin Quinn comedy show nutria GameDog treadmills Belgian Malinois having a dog poisoning wolves wolf hunting rats in New Yorks Donnie Parton situation prion diseases Uday and Kusei weed duct tape lady zombies elite wrestling discipline wrestling Dagestan wrestlers
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Dan Soder
Mentioned
Floyd Mayweather Jr. Uday Hussein Mike Tyson Colin Quinn Chris Weidman Dude Jesus Christ Gary Clark Jr. Mark Norman Saddam Hussein Anderson Silva Nate Bargatze Mike Vecchione Bobby Kelly Jamie Ben Tim Dillon Richard Kuklinski Tim Sylvia Dan Gable Joe Rogan Podcast and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1807 - Douglas Murray Joe Rogan Experience #1809 - Jessica Kirson

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 22 minutes

Words per minute

208.37

Word count

42,147

Sentence count

5,087

Harmful content

Misogyny

115

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,675

sentences flagged

Hate speech

73

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Joe Rogan joins Dan and Soder on the pod to talk about his new stand-up comedy show, The Joe Rogans Experience, and what it's like to be a comedian in the big bad city of New York. Joe also talks about how he got his start in comedy, and why he thinks everyone who tells jokes for a living is either a psychos or a con artist. And, of course, we talk about the dangers of being chipped by other people, and how to deal with it. It's a good one, and we hope you enjoy it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Thank you for listening to this episode of the pod. Please rate, review, and subscribe to our other shows on Apple Podcasts and Podchaser, and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you don't miss out on the next new episode! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and tell a friend about what they're listening to you're listening and what they should be listening to! XOXO, Dan, Soder, Joe, and Jamie. Cheers, Cheers! -Jon and Dan. -The Joe's Experience Timestamps: 3:00:00 6:00 - 7:30 - 8:15 - 9: 11:00 | 12:30 | 15:30 16: 17:00 // 18: 19:40 | 21:15 22: 23:15 | 24:00 / 25:30 // 26: 27:40 26:40 // 27:00/28: 28:00 & 29:00 +30: 32:00 ? 35:00s 33:00 #1 36:00 Or 37:00 Is it a good idea? 39:00? 40:00 @ 3: Is it better than 4:30? 41: 39 :00 45:00 = 4:40 ? 42: 45 44: 47:00 , 45 + 6 46:00 : 47 : 45 : 48 : 46 : 47

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:05.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:13.000 All good, Dan and Soder.
00:00:15.000 All good.
00:00:15.000 We're up and running.
00:00:16.000 What's happening, brother?
00:00:17.000 How are ya?
00:00:17.000 What's up, Joe Rogan?
00:00:18.000 Very nice to meet you officially.
00:00:20.000 Very nice to officially meet you.
00:00:21.000 I've enjoyed your comedy online.
00:00:23.000 It's nice to see you in person.
00:00:23.000 Thanks, man.
00:00:25.000 Friend of a friend.
00:00:26.000 Multiple friends.
00:00:27.000 You're in the tight group of excellent people.
00:00:29.000 Yeah, thanks.
00:00:30.000 You respect it. 0.99
00:00:31.000 Yeah, I got a lot of funny friends that are also fucking weirdos. 0.98
00:00:34.000 Yeah, well, I don't know a funny one that's not a weirdo. 0.98
00:00:37.000 Yeah, show me someone that's funny and they're not gonna be, you know, They can be quiet, but they're weird. 0.99
00:00:42.000 Everyone who tells jokes for a living is fucking weird. 0.99
00:00:46.000 Psychos and phonies. 1.00
00:00:47.000 I said that to Santino. 0.96
00:00:48.000 We're all either psychos or phonies.
00:00:51.000 Is there any phonies that are good, though?
00:00:53.000 They get found out.
00:00:54.000 Yeah, there's only psychos then.
00:00:56.000 No, the phonies...
00:00:57.000 They can trick you for a little.
00:00:59.000 Because you gotta have a little sweetness in it.
00:01:02.000 And then they like whip it into...
00:01:05.000 You know what it is?
00:01:05.000 It's an awes.
00:01:07.000 The phonies are awes.
00:01:08.000 They have like the big booming voice and everyone's like, oh!
00:01:11.000 And then it's just a guy behind a curtain.
00:01:13.000 And you're like...
00:01:13.000 Well, the scary for the phonies must be when they get caught stealing jokes.
00:01:18.000 Because then they have to write all their own jokes afterwards.
00:01:20.000 And they don't really know how to do that.
00:01:22.000 That's hard.
00:01:23.000 It's the hardest.
00:01:24.000 To do writing jokes.
00:01:24.000 It's the hardest.
00:01:26.000 Coming up with premises, fleshing them out, trying to figure out the right way to do them.
00:01:29.000 Seeing people with better jokes. 0.99
00:01:31.000 There's nothing more of a dick pusher than seeing someone with a great bit and you're like, oh fuck, that's so good. 0.99
00:01:38.000 Especially on a subject that maybe you were thinking about talking about and then this guy has this fucking perfect bit about it. 1.00
00:01:44.000 You're like, oh my god, I missed it. 0.73
00:01:45.000 I was just in Nashville and I saw Chris Porter do this bit about people that are worried about being chipped.
00:01:50.000 I'm not going to give away the bit.
00:01:51.000 But I watched it and I watched the angles and he got off stage and I was like, I was mad at you by like the third tag.
00:01:58.000 By the third tag, I was like, who the fuck is this guy riding a damn near perfect, where like the thought, it's not where you thought it was gonna go, but it makes the most sense. 1.00
00:02:08.000 You're like, fuck, dude. 1.00
00:02:09.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:02:10.000 Now you gotta go back to your hotel room and hate your act. 1.00
00:02:12.000 I gotta hate my act for a week. 1.00
00:02:13.000 There was a fucking company in Europe that was chipping their employees. 1.00
00:02:18.000 And for normal shit, like getting into a door and like buying something in the commissary. 1.00
00:02:23.000 But that European attitude, they're like, oh, it's fine. 0.99
00:02:26.000 I just chip in and the door opens.
00:02:29.000 The door opens, it's no problem.
00:02:31.000 I go get my little espresso and I come outside.
00:02:34.000 I'm chipped, yeah, don't...
00:02:35.000 It's always that European attitude that makes me feel like, are we...
00:02:39.000 As Americans overly paranoid or are we right?
00:02:42.000 That's why like when that Klaus Schwab guy talks.
00:02:45.000 Yeah.
00:02:45.000 I don't even know who that is.
00:02:46.000 You could have made that name up.
00:02:47.000 That sounds like a made up name.
00:02:47.000 You don't know who that guy is?
00:02:49.000 Oh my god.
00:02:50.000 He's the head of the World Economic Forum and he dresses like a bad guy in a comic book.
00:02:58.000 And I'm not kidding.
00:02:58.000 Hell yeah.
00:02:59.000 If you have that- I'm telling you, if you're that kind of power, do that.
00:03:03.000 Why not?
00:03:03.000 Do that.
00:03:04.000 Yeah.
00:03:04.000 Honestly, I think you should lean into like, you should start advertising yourself as like a Bond villain.
00:03:10.000 Think about it, dude.
00:03:12.000 You got the compound in Texas.
00:03:14.000 You know karate.
00:03:16.000 You're already a Bond villain, dude.
00:03:18.000 And then you can just sit in a chair and be like, Jamie, pull it up.
00:03:21.000 The world must pay me.
00:03:23.000 Yeah, I wish that was a real thing.
00:03:23.000 Do it, dude.
00:03:25.000 But this guy is a real thing.
00:03:27.000 Dude, I can't wait to see this guy.
00:03:29.000 Check this guy out.
00:03:30.000 Now, let me show you what he looks like, though.
00:03:31.000 Can you say his name again?
00:03:33.000 Klaus Schwab.
00:03:34.000 No, but let me show you what he looks like with his crazy outfit on. 0.99
00:03:37.000 Damn, dude, he's a basset hound. 0.98
00:03:40.000 Oh, there's a lot of pictures. 0.99
00:03:41.000 But Klaus Schwab superhero outfit.
00:03:44.000 Put that on.
00:03:46.000 Just type that in Google.
00:03:47.000 Klaus Schwab. 1.00
00:03:48.000 Because he looks like a fucking superhero. 1.00
00:03:52.000 Like a bad guy. 1.00
00:03:53.000 Like a super villain.
00:03:54.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:03:55.000 Oh, dude, there it is.
00:03:56.000 Is that Ebola?
00:03:57.000 What is this?
00:03:57.000 Oh, no.
00:03:59.000 What is that?
00:03:59.000 Space Federation.
00:04:01.000 You will never have your freedom.
00:04:03.000 We will control your chips.
00:04:06.000 He looks like he makes pod people.
00:04:08.000 Imagine walking out of the house with that on going, oh yeah.
00:04:11.000 Honey, do you have my weird insulated vest?
00:04:14.000 What is that made out of?
00:04:15.000 Is that a brooch?
00:04:16.000 Is that like the Patagonia type material? 1.00
00:04:19.000 Look at the fucking thing! 1.00
00:04:21.000 Look at the whole thing! 1.00
00:04:22.000 That makes me think he's worn a mask at an orgy. 0.98
00:04:27.000 Oh, for sure. 1.00
00:04:28.000 If you're wearing that in public, you're putting on deer antlers and a robe and fucking someone. 1.00
00:04:33.000 You're going to Bohemian Globes. 1.00
00:04:35.000 Yeah, you're one of those guys. 0.99
00:04:37.000 You're in a marble room fucking a lady that worked at Twin Peaks. 1.00
00:04:40.000 Bro, what is that outfit? 0.97
00:04:43.000 Jamie, get that photograph and we're gonna make a large metal print of it for the studio.
00:04:48.000 Hell yeah.
00:04:49.000 Klaus Schwab.
00:04:51.000 I am Klaus Schwab.
00:04:52.000 But when you hear him talk about the young global leaders of the world economic form, you're like, oh my god, you're a movie guy.
00:05:00.000 You're a character.
00:05:01.000 You're a living villain. 0.89
00:05:02.000 You're a living villain. 0.90
00:05:04.000 And lean into it.
00:05:05.000 Well, he's a guy that's like...
00:05:07.000 He should have a henchman?
00:05:08.000 Supposedly, if you follow the conspiracy theories, he's orchestrating the Great Reset.
00:05:13.000 He even wrote a book about it, the Great Reset.
00:05:15.000 And then there's conspiracy theories.
00:05:16.000 What does the Great Reset mean?
00:05:19.000 They're talking about some sort of a financial reset.
00:05:22.000 It scares the shit out of me.
00:05:23.000 No, live comic book life. 1.00
00:05:25.000 Make it weird as fuck. 0.99
00:05:28.000 I would say, if you're going to do that... 0.98
00:05:31.000 Give the conspiracy people what they want, just a little bit. 0.99
00:05:34.000 Don't actually do the bad shit. 0.99
00:05:36.000 But, like, have a photo of you with, like, a goat sacrifice. 0.99
00:05:40.000 Dude, I would pay, if I was Klaus Schwab, I would pay a lot of money.
00:05:45.000 A lot? 0.99
00:05:46.000 A lot of money, and then dress a person up as an alien, and somehow leak a photo of us shaking hands, and then just drop it on Google, and then watch everyone be like, what the fuck is this?
00:05:57.000 Yeah, you'd want to drop it through some German website.
00:06:01.000 Yeah, or a defunct paper.
00:06:03.000 And you're like, oh, this is weird.
00:06:05.000 I found this old picture of Klaus Schwab in a gray.
00:06:08.000 That's the problem.
00:06:09.000 It's like, as much as we complain about the New York Times and the Washington Post, imagine if all of your news just came from websites.
00:06:17.000 Look at it the other way.
00:06:17.000 Dude.
00:06:18.000 Look at it the other way.
00:06:19.000 It's all a thing that someone could build in a day.
00:06:22.000 Like the New York Times, you can hate them what they are, but that is an institution.
00:06:26.000 They have offices, they have a payroll, they have a history.
00:06:30.000 You can just have a website drop a picture of Klaus Schwab in a thong with a gray, and it's going to be like, where did this come from?
00:06:37.000 But then the internet does what the internet does best, and they take something and run with it.
00:06:42.000 And so then it would just be odd.
00:06:44.000 There's gonna be conspiracy theories about why Mike Tyson lit that dude up on that plane.
00:06:48.000 You know what I mean?
00:06:49.000 That's real simple. 1.00
00:06:50.000 That dude was a douchebag. 0.99
00:06:51.000 Yeah, you see the other video? 1.00
00:06:53.000 He was annoying one of the baddest motherfuckers that's ever walked the face of the earth. 1.00
00:06:57.000 Talk about kicking a beehive. 1.00
00:06:58.000 What the fuck are you doing, dude? 1.00
00:07:00.000 That's not even kicking a beehive. 1.00
00:07:02.000 It's like smashing, it's headbutting a beehive. 1.00
00:07:04.000 It's like trying to put your dick in a sleeping bear's mouth. 1.00
00:07:08.000 He just walked up and was like, I'm going to lower my wiener right into the bear's mouth. 1.00
00:07:12.000 Mike Tyson, also there's a video that came out of the angle of him talking to someone, and he's like talking shit in a way where you're like, this guy's hammered and doesn't know what's coming. 0.99
00:07:23.000 Because I bet in his head he's like, he won't punch me, he can't punch me. 0.97
00:07:27.000 I bet he's a guy that thinks Mike Tyson's hands are registered lethal weapons.
00:07:32.000 He strikes me as that guy. 0.99
00:07:34.000 By the way, I saw the guy's shape, and I was like, that guy would kick the shit out of me. 0.93
00:07:38.000 That was a thing that people would always say, right? 0.88
00:07:41.000 He had to register his hands as deadly weapons.
00:07:43.000 I think I said it.
00:07:43.000 I've spread that around.
00:07:45.000 I've been putting out that propaganda.
00:07:46.000 Be like, you know I have to register their hands as lethal weapons. 0.97
00:07:50.000 That's my level of dumb, where you tell me that, and I'm like... 0.99
00:07:53.000 I knew that was true. 0.93
00:07:54.000 I wonder if it's a state thing or a federal thing?
00:07:56.000 You start worrying, you're like, is that a county or a federal thing?
00:08:00.000 That's one of them old-school karate dojo things.
00:08:00.000 I don't know.
00:08:03.000 That's what that is.
00:08:04.000 I loved it.
00:08:05.000 I mean, you were doing karate in the 80s.
00:08:07.000 You were actually doing karate.
00:08:09.000 But what's funny about the 80s is people just put on outfits.
00:08:12.000 You've seen that a couple times in your life.
00:08:14.000 Like kung fu outfits, yeah. 0.64
00:08:15.000 You've seen that a couple times in your life.
00:08:17.000 Oh, for sure.
00:08:17.000 Because you know what I always think about?
00:08:18.000 What?
00:08:19.000 Was UFC when dudes would just rock affliction shirts.
00:08:22.000 Oh, yeah, man.
00:08:23.000 Silver foil writing.
00:08:25.000 Yeah, I lived in Tucson in the early 2000s.
00:08:27.000 And you'd just see big dudes in affliction shirts.
00:08:29.000 And here's the thing.
00:08:31.000 I'm not gonna test that theory.
00:08:32.000 There was the style.
00:08:34.000 Yeah, and they were like super gelled up hair and they're just mean mugging everyone. 1.00
00:08:38.000 I was rocking liquor t-shirts and shitty dungarees. 0.85
00:08:41.000 I was like, dude, I ain't gotta see if this guy knows how to fight or not. 0.99
00:08:43.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.98
00:08:45.000 Those are the early days. 0.99
00:08:46.000 That's when things were wild.
00:08:47.000 Affliction had their own promotion.
00:08:49.000 Yeah, I remember that.
00:08:50.000 They got Fedor, didn't they?
00:08:51.000 I remember that.
00:08:52.000 I worked at...
00:08:53.000 K-Rock in New York, when Stern left, they turned it to Free FM, and then they brought it back K-Rock with Opie and Anthony.
00:09:00.000 And I was doing overnights, and I bought...
00:09:02.000 I somehow got that Affliction fight on the TV in the old O&A studio, and that felt like...
00:09:08.000 I was like, dude, this is better than working.
00:09:11.000 I'm getting paid to watch this Fedor.
00:09:12.000 I mean, it was a quick fight, but...
00:09:14.000 Yeah.
00:09:15.000 He fought over there a couple times, right?
00:09:16.000 He fought Tim Sylvia.
00:09:18.000 Yeah.
00:09:18.000 I think he fought Andre Orlovsky over there, too.
00:09:20.000 Yeah.
00:09:21.000 He was fun.
00:09:22.000 Was that affliction?
00:09:23.000 Were they both affliction?
00:09:24.000 I don't know.
00:09:25.000 I know the Sylvia fight was affliction. 0.99
00:09:27.000 They spent a lot of fucking money, man. 1.00
00:09:29.000 They went crazy. 1.00
00:09:30.000 They tried to go crazy.
00:09:31.000 I knew one of the owners.
00:09:32.000 Shout out to Mr. Atencio. 1.00
00:09:34.000 He's a cool motherfucker. 0.99
00:09:35.000 They're cool people. 0.99
00:09:36.000 I also just had the realization that I'm talking to Joe Rogan about this.
00:09:40.000 We were just having a conversation.
00:09:42.000 I'm like, I'm talking to a guy that actually knows these people.
00:09:45.000 It's like a bar talk where you're like...
00:09:47.000 Yeah, but I do that too.
00:09:49.000 The Sylvia one was... 1.00
00:09:50.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:09:51.000 Tim Sylvia was a quick one.
00:09:53.000 So they had two events.
00:09:55.000 Shout out 2008 for me drinking beers in the K-Rock studio.
00:09:59.000 They might have had more than two events.
00:10:02.000 Yeah.
00:10:03.000 But they definitely had those two.
00:10:05.000 Did they have more than two events?
00:10:07.000 Does it say?
00:10:07.000 How many events did Affliction MMA have?
00:10:10.000 I think it was just those two.
00:10:11.000 They were high level. 0.97
00:10:12.000 I mean, that must have fucked him with the UFC. Just being like, hey, we're going to do our own fight promotion. 0.77
00:10:16.000 You're like, what's up?
00:10:18.000 You know, the UFC is like, good luck.
00:10:22.000 Good luck.
00:10:23.000 I mean, Dana is super competitive, obviously, but they were never worried about it.
00:10:27.000 They were trying to get Fedor for a long time, so it was kind of a bummer. 0.95
00:10:30.000 He was one of those guys, you want to talk about, like, villainous, that they built up online and they were like, yeah, this guy's fucking just rushing.
00:10:38.000 Did you ever watch him fight?
00:10:39.000 Oh, yeah.
00:10:40.000 It was great.
00:10:41.000 You just watch him dominate people and you're like, and I like his face.
00:10:44.000 He looks like he owns a good diner.
00:10:46.000 Yeah.
00:10:51.000 You bring beautiful wife. 1.00
00:10:53.000 You hang out and then you just watch him take Tim Sylvia, a giant, and just fuck his shit up. 1.00
00:10:58.000 Fuck his shit up. 1.00
00:10:59.000 He fucked everybody's shit up. 1.00
00:11:00.000 I like dudes who can fight that look like they're just sweet. 1.00
00:11:05.000 Well, Fedor was the ultimate because he was never ripped.
00:11:05.000 Cherub boys.
00:11:08.000 I mean, even when he was in his prime, absolute prime, he always had some body fat on him.
00:11:08.000 Yeah.
00:11:12.000 That's why, as a guy that's grown into having a body that's like, I have like 70s WWWF body.
00:11:19.000 Do you know, dude, there's something to be said for that.
00:11:22.000 Because having a little bit of fat on you doesn't look as good because you're not as shredded, but- Yeah, you jiggle.
00:11:27.000 You seem like you have a little bit more endurance.
00:11:30.000 Really?
00:11:30.000 I don't know, man.
00:11:31.000 Is it the fat?
00:11:31.000 Not too much.
00:11:32.000 Like, he was pretty fat. 0.98
00:11:34.000 He's our sloppy king. 0.98
00:11:36.000 Fedor's the sloppy king.
00:11:37.000 Yeah, look at that one picture of him there. 1.00
00:11:39.000 Fuck everybody up. 1.00
00:11:41.000 He had a brother, right? 1.00
00:11:43.000 Yes, his brother was jacked.
00:11:44.000 His brother was covered in tattoos.
00:11:46.000 So my question is, do you think Fedor, who's one of the baddest dudes of all time, is mad that his brother's got a better body?
00:11:52.000 Do you think there's that insecurity?
00:11:53.000 I don't think anything gets him mad.
00:11:55.000 If cage fights don't get him mad, why would anything get him?
00:11:57.000 He never changes his expression.
00:11:59.000 He's never angry.
00:12:01.000 He's never like when he wins.
00:12:03.000 When he wins, it's just like, yep, another day in office.
00:12:06.000 The man is hurt.
00:12:07.000 I want to go have bath.
00:12:09.000 Dude, he pulled off some of the most spectacular submissions and finishes and he would climb off like he just left a bathroom.
00:12:16.000 I would do absolutely.
00:12:17.000 If I got a finish, a quick finish in a fight, I would be jumping up on that cage.
00:12:22.000 I'd be doing somersaults.
00:12:24.000 I'd just be rolling around that ring.
00:12:25.000 Because I can't imagine to be that cool about being that badass is the coolest thing.
00:12:31.000 I think that's one of the reasons why he's that badass.
00:12:34.000 I think it's his mind.
00:12:35.000 He just can shut down.
00:12:37.000 Physically, he's got amazing tools.
00:12:39.000 He fights very well off his back.
00:12:41.000 He fights very well standing up.
00:12:43.000 His tools are amazing, no doubt.
00:12:46.000 There's nothing about him.
00:12:48.000 That's exceptional in terms of like strength or speed or it's it's all like really good Yeah, but so there's certain guys like Alistair Overeem in his prime. 0.97
00:12:56.000 It was so fucking strong. 0.97
00:12:58.000 So we're talking about superheroes. 0.98
00:13:00.000 Oh my god He was the superhero that guy was built like you could put him in just tight like with a star on his chest and be like It's Justice man, and it would look real When he was the K-1 Grand Prix champion, he was like...
00:13:12.000 It didn't make sense that anyone built like that was actually a fighter.
00:13:15.000 He was like a bodybuilder almost.
00:13:17.000 Yeah.
00:13:17.000 Which is funny because I grew up on...
00:13:19.000 Look at the fucking build of that guy. 1.00
00:13:21.000 Great comparison, dude. 1.00
00:13:23.000 He was so jacked.
00:13:24.000 Dude, look at our sloppy king on the left.
00:13:26.000 And our sloppy king would be a heavy favorite in an MMA fight between those two back then.
00:13:31.000 I not only...
00:13:32.000 Look at him there.
00:13:32.000 That's when he's fighting Brock Lesnar.
00:13:34.000 Bro! 1.00
00:13:35.000 Damn. 1.00
00:13:35.000 I mean, what the fuck? 1.00
00:13:36.000 I would, not only would I bet money on Fedor, look at you in the back, you're just looking at him like, Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00
00:13:46.000 But Fedor's a guy that I would not only bet money on a fight, but then want food recommendations. 0.98
00:13:51.000 Right, he'd probably know where the good Russian delis are.
00:13:53.000 Even the thing, he's like, you get the good blints. 0.86
00:13:57.000 And you're eating it with your friend and you know, you know Fedor told me about this? 1.00
00:14:00.000 Yeah, that fucking dude eats. 1.00
00:14:02.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:02.000 He enjoys life. 1.00
00:14:04.000 I hope he wears a lot of clothes with fur on them, because he deserves to.
00:14:08.000 Do you think he drinks?
00:14:09.000 Oh, yeah.
00:14:10.000 In a cool way.
00:14:11.000 Must.
00:14:12.000 In like a nondescript bottle into a glass... 1.00
00:14:18.000 His brother was a fucking beast, man. 1.00
00:14:20.000 And his brother drank a lot. 1.00
00:14:22.000 Those Russians and those Eastern Europeans? 1.00
00:14:24.000 I'm a Nuggets fan.
00:14:25.000 So we have Nikola Jokic.
00:14:26.000 Oh, look at him hammered.
00:14:27.000 Hammered with a bottle of vodka.
00:14:29.000 Stoli, dude!
00:14:29.000 Is that real?
00:14:30.000 Is that a real photo that looks a little photoshopped?
00:14:32.000 That also could just be a fraternity member at like Ohio State.
00:14:35.000 That could be a guy.
00:14:36.000 That could be a buck out. 0.99
00:14:37.000 Just like I fucking happened! 0.99
00:14:40.000 Or the baddest dude on the planet. 0.99
00:14:42.000 Yeah, either one.
00:14:43.000 Look at him.
00:14:44.000 Big ol' sweater.
00:14:45.000 The Last Emperor is a cool name, too.
00:14:47.000 And people used to always, online, they would make fun of his sweater of victory, because he had all these really Charlie Brown-looking sweaters.
00:14:55.000 He dressed like such a dad. 0.97
00:14:57.000 I fucking love that. 0.99
00:14:59.000 He dressed like such a dad. 0.99
00:15:01.000 He was the baddest man in Russia. 1.00
00:15:02.000 Yeah, and he was like a myth in the United States, because they couldn't get him in the UFC, so they were like, dude, this guy in Russia.
00:15:10.000 Because my friends, I'm a casual fight fan, but then my friends who were super into it, like Louis and Dave Smith, were like, dude, Fedor? 0.93
00:15:18.000 This guy's fucking crazy.
00:15:19.000 He was awesome, but the thing about it is, by the time he was coming to Strikeforce, when Fabrizio Verdun beat him, Like, he had already had so many years on the clock. 0.99
00:15:31.000 When I think about Fedor, when I think about fighters, I think about fighters during their peak period of performance.
00:15:36.000 And during Fedor's peak period of performance was the Noguera fights, it was...
00:15:42.000 And the Noguera brothers were like, they like flew them to Russia being like, this is the fight of the century, right? 1.00
00:15:47.000 Like, when they fought?
00:15:48.000 Well, when Noguera, I think, I want to say Noguera lost the title to Fedor.
00:15:55.000 See if that's true.
00:15:56.000 I'm pretty sure he lost the pride title. 1.00
00:15:59.000 Could he get the belt around his fucking torso? 1.00
00:16:02.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:16:02.000 That'd be awesome if you like- Most of the time they just carry him on their shoulders anyway. 0.99
00:16:05.000 I know, but I can't snap.
00:16:06.000 My head's too big.
00:16:07.000 I can't wear a snapback.
00:16:08.000 You can't wear any snapbacks?
00:16:09.000 No, no.
00:16:10.000 It's on the last one.
00:16:11.000 It pops. 0.99
00:16:11.000 I fucking hate it. 0.99
00:16:12.000 I like Velcro better anyway. 0.99
00:16:14.000 I do fitted because I have to wear a size 8 if anyone's wondering.
00:16:18.000 It's a big.
00:16:18.000 That's a big head, bro.
00:16:19.000 You got a lot of brain in there. 0.96
00:16:21.000 Or water. 0.62
00:16:23.000 Maybe it's just a thick skull.
00:16:25.000 Let's see if I can break this table.
00:16:27.000 Bam! 1.00
00:16:28.000 You ever seen those videos of dudes smashing bricks with their fucking forehead? 1.00
00:16:32.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:16:32.000 Tree punching videos? 1.00
00:16:34.000 Tree punching is one thing.
00:16:35.000 It hurts your hand.
00:16:36.000 It doesn't change the way you think. 1.00
00:16:38.000 Imagine being so dumb that you're gonna change the way you think on purpose. 1.00
00:16:42.000 You go, I went out to the woods and forgot a couple cousins because I was just smashing my fucking head into a tree. 1.00
00:16:47.000 This is one video of a dude tries and it doesn't work and then he tries again and he's basically KO'd and he's wobbling around because he just head-butted some fucking marble. 0.98
00:16:57.000 Is he doing that like, wait, he was doing marble? 0.99
00:16:59.000 I was on some thick-ass stone, whatever the fuck it was. 0.98
00:17:01.000 Any of those break videos. 0.98
00:17:04.000 Again, growing up on action movies in the 80s and the 90s, any time they showed the brick-breaking scenes, I'd always be like, eh, that's not for me.
00:17:11.000 I get all the training, but that just seems...
00:17:13.000 Did you ever do that in karate?
00:17:14.000 Were you breaking boards?
00:17:15.000 When we would open up a new school, we would do demonstrations.
00:17:18.000 And one of the things that people wanted to see was people breaking boards.
00:17:23.000 I broke boards.
00:17:24.000 A lot of boards.
00:17:26.000 But I only broke boards during demonstrations.
00:17:28.000 We never even practiced it. 0.97
00:17:30.000 So you wouldn't just be at home with your friend and you're like, dude, pick that board up and then just fucking jump off the couch and karate kick it? 0.93
00:17:35.000 No, we never practiced breaking boards. 0.57
00:17:38.000 We just practiced for tournaments.
00:17:40.000 So when we were breaking a board, it was just for fun.
00:17:43.000 You're just like, yeah.
00:17:44.000 You just kick it. 0.97
00:17:45.000 You just kick it. 0.93
00:17:45.000 They break easy. 0.93
00:17:46.000 They break so easy. 1.00
00:17:47.000 Yeah, but I'm trying to think of me trying to kick a board and just missing and be like, fuck, fuck. 1.00
00:17:53.000 You shouldn't be doing a demonstration. 1.00
00:17:55.000 Yeah.
00:17:56.000 Did you guys do it to music?
00:17:57.000 Did you guys come out?
00:17:59.000 You're the best around!
00:18:02.000 Nothing's gonna end!
00:18:03.000 Bring that 80s cocaine karate energy.
00:18:07.000 That Brian De Palma energy. 1.00
00:18:09.000 Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. 1.00
00:18:09.000 Just coming out with fritzy music and kicking shit. 1.00
00:18:13.000 Fucking Star Spangled Banner shorts on. 1.00
00:18:16.000 Yeah, people like me should not... 0.99
00:18:17.000 I shouldn't take karate because you're seeing I idolize all the wrong things where I'm like, I'd just be showing off for my friends.
00:18:24.000 With those things, that's what gets people into real martial arts.
00:18:27.000 The best part about even the karate kid.
00:18:29.000 Do you know how many people enrolled in karate schools after the karate kid? 0.99
00:18:32.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:18:33.000 Shit, it must have been nuts. 1.00
00:18:34.000 I mean the money they were making. 0.99
00:18:35.000 That's why I loved Fistfoot Way with Danny McRae. 0.99
00:18:39.000 Because you're like, that's probably the most realistic description of a guy who's like, fuck it, I'll make money. 0.96
00:18:42.000 Do you know about McDojo Life? 0.99
00:18:44.000 No.
00:18:45.000 Okay.
00:18:46.000 McDojo Life is an account on Instagram.
00:18:48.000 Okay. 0.99
00:18:48.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.99
00:18:49.000 It's all fake karate guys and fake kung fu guys and fake martial-like death touch guys. 0.99
00:18:55.000 Yeah.
00:18:56.000 And they all like fall down.
00:18:56.000 Like a guy comes at him with a knife and he's like, ah!
00:18:58.000 Or they do that thing where they just do a quick toss, and then they're done, and it's clearly not a move.
00:19:03.000 He had one he put up today that showed a key gong specialist.
00:19:06.000 Key gongs are like energy people, and they're making dudes come.
00:19:09.000 Look.
00:19:11.000 Who comes like that, though?
00:19:13.000 I do.
00:19:14.000 That's the only way.
00:19:14.000 I have to go like this.
00:19:15.000 I gotta fish swim, dude.
00:19:17.000 It's got music attached to it.
00:19:19.000 So is this technically a rub and tug?
00:19:21.000 No, it's a hover and tug.
00:19:23.000 He can't get popped.
00:19:25.000 The cops come in and they're like, dude, I came, but he didn't touch me.
00:19:27.000 He just did the hover and nut.
00:19:29.000 Yeah, he's pulling a nut out of you like a snake charmer.
00:19:33.000 So this guy has all of the...
00:19:34.000 Go to the one in the middle.
00:19:36.000 This one does it with his hair.
00:19:38.000 Watch.
00:19:38.000 Watch this.
00:19:39.000 Just uses his hair.
00:19:41.000 That's right.
00:19:42.000 That's great.
00:19:44.000 That's not a parody! 1.00
00:19:45.000 There was an indie wrestler that did that with his dick. 1.00
00:19:49.000 Pro wrestler. 1.00
00:19:50.000 His finishing move was someone would grab his junk and then he would flip him. 0.99
00:19:56.000 That was the whole point of his, fuck, I'm trying to remember what this guy's name is. 0.99
00:19:59.000 Johnny something. 0.99
00:20:01.000 I always love watching the videos.
00:20:04.000 You used to post a lot of them.
00:20:05.000 She did it to Ken Shamrock here. 0.96
00:20:07.000 Oh, no way.
00:20:08.000 Did he really?
00:20:09.000 Joey Ryan.
00:20:10.000 That's who it is. 1.00
00:20:12.000 This is Ken Shamrock grabbing this guy's dick? 1.00
00:20:14.000 And he like holds him there? 1.00
00:20:16.000 Come on, imagine you have to practice this?
00:20:18.000 Yeah, you're like, alright dude, just do the move.
00:20:20.000 Also, he's holding it longer for the move. 1.00
00:20:23.000 Well, it's like he's got a magnetized dick. 0.99
00:20:25.000 Yeah, but if you're Shamrock, you're like, alright buddy, you're taking like three more seconds than I need. 0.99
00:20:28.000 He just wants a lot of photo ops.
00:20:31.000 And then they do this.
00:20:32.000 But the videos that you used to post of guys that are like fake karate.
00:20:37.000 That's from this guy.
00:20:38.000 Oh, and then fighting?
00:20:39.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:20:39.000 And then I read that story about in China where that MMA fighter came here and trained.
00:20:43.000 Yeah.
00:20:44.000 And then went over there and fought like a Chinese, I don't forget what the guy's name is, but he fought him.
00:20:50.000 He was shunned by the country. 0.98
00:20:51.000 Yeah, he fucked the dude up and the country was like, Hey. 0.99
00:20:54.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:20:55.000 It's like, eh, that's kind of our...
00:20:57.000 Yeah, China does not like any disparagement of, like, their traditional martial arts or that kind of thing.
00:21:03.000 They did not like that.
00:21:04.000 They do like their martial arts fighter.
00:21:06.000 Like, there's a woman named Zhang Weili.
00:21:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:21:08.000 Yeah, she's former champion, one of the top women, 150 pound fighters.
00:21:12.000 One of the greatest fights I've ever seen in my life.
00:21:14.000 Her and Ioana.
00:21:15.000 Oh, my God.
00:21:16.000 Oh, my God.
00:21:17.000 It was insane.
00:21:17.000 Oh, my God.
00:21:18.000 First off, when you see Ioana's face after the fight, you're like, that's Photoshopped.
00:21:21.000 There's a football in her head.
00:21:22.000 Yeah.
00:21:22.000 Her head was like a football was glued onto her head.
00:21:25.000 Remember oddities on MTV where the guy would crawl out of the brain?
00:21:28.000 That's what it looked like.
00:21:29.000 That giant head.
00:21:30.000 Imagine if that lanced in the fight.
00:21:32.000 Imagine if Wei Li landed like an elbow.
00:21:36.000 Yeah, you would have been in the splash zone.
00:21:37.000 Oh my god.
00:21:38.000 It would have been like a Gallagher show. 0.62
00:21:39.000 You would have just dumped out of her head.
00:21:41.000 Because the way it formed up.
00:21:42.000 So much fluid in there.
00:21:44.000 It was crazy.
00:21:46.000 That's all blood.
00:21:48.000 She had, like, a core...
00:21:50.000 It was, like, realistically.
00:21:51.000 Yeah.
00:21:51.000 Remember when you went to high school, you had those little milks?
00:21:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:21:54.000 One of those?
00:21:55.000 Yeah, the little boxes.
00:21:56.000 A little half pint of milk?
00:21:57.000 Oh, I love the... 1.00
00:21:57.000 That was a half a pint of fluid in her fucking head. 1.00
00:22:00.000 So she could have gone, like... 1.00
00:22:01.000 Do you think if she would have walked up after the phone, like, hey, good fight! 1.00
00:22:04.000 Pfft! 0.63
00:22:04.000 Dr. Pimple Popper. 0.63
00:22:05.000 Yeah, I just pimple poppered it all over you and her as you're interviewing her. 0.69
00:22:09.000 Look at that!
00:22:10.000 Bro, it's bigger than I remember.
00:22:12.000 It looks like the Black Hole Sun video. 0.99
00:22:15.000 It looks like Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun when they make their eyes all fucked. 0.99
00:22:19.000 Dude, that's crazy. 1.00
00:22:21.000 That is nuts, dude.
00:22:21.000 I forgot how big it was.
00:22:23.000 It's insane.
00:22:24.000 That was right after the fight.
00:22:26.000 It's not like it's the next day and it's had time.
00:22:29.000 That's like...
00:22:30.000 That's so crazy.
00:22:32.000 You know what makes me think about, like, early man?
00:22:36.000 You know, when you look at those, when they find those skeletons of early man, the forehead was always so much bigger.
00:22:41.000 I wonder if they just were getting hit a lot.
00:22:43.000 By everything.
00:22:44.000 Has to be it, right?
00:22:45.000 Yeah, there weren't roads.
00:22:46.000 They'd just walk through branches, just taking shots from trees.
00:22:49.000 And enough, like, fights and stuff that would happen on a normal basis where your head would swell up like Ioana's.
00:22:56.000 But you also have to realize that we weren't as smart back then.
00:22:59.000 So, like, let's say you're a guy and you take a fall and you get a Ioana lump like that and you go back to your tribe and they're like, you have the devil in your head. 0.99
00:23:08.000 They're like, you're evil. 0.99
00:23:10.000 You have something going on because they don't understand what the fuck that it's blood. 0.99
00:23:14.000 Like, we know that. 0.83
00:23:14.000 You can immediately be like, Right, they might be thinking that you're becoming a thing. 0.83
00:23:19.000 Or maybe a god.
00:23:21.000 If you're smart, you go into it.
00:23:23.000 If you're smart, you come back with enough brain damage to be like, bow before me.
00:23:27.000 I can think more than anyone.
00:23:29.000 One thing I absolutely believe happened is people who had mushrooms, who figured out mushrooms before everybody else, they're the ones who started the cults.
00:23:36.000 It's like, dude, Vikings.
00:23:37.000 Yeah.
00:23:38.000 Oh, yeah.
00:23:38.000 They used to go rage.
00:23:39.000 Yeah.
00:23:40.000 When you go to...
00:23:41.000 I went to Sweden.
00:23:42.000 It was like one of the first vacations I took, and I was like, I want to go see Queens of the Stone Age in Sweden.
00:23:45.000 Oh, wow. 0.86
00:23:46.000 It was fucking rad, dude. 0.78
00:23:47.000 It was awesome. 0.92
00:23:48.000 It was one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life.
00:23:50.000 I had Josh on once.
00:23:51.000 I know, dude.
00:23:51.000 He's one of my favorites.
00:23:53.000 And he...
00:23:54.000 I got to see them at this outdoor amusement, you know, because it's like light there, late.
00:23:57.000 So the whole concert was light.
00:23:59.000 But I went to the Viking Museum, and they were like...
00:24:01.000 There's a part where they're like... 0.98
00:24:02.000 They try to do it quick, and you're like, dude, that's fucking... 0.97
00:24:07.000 And then you look it up, and they would rage. 0.98
00:24:09.000 And that's weird that that's a tiny part of the story.
00:24:12.000 That's a big part of the story.
00:24:13.000 Yeah, dude.
00:24:14.000 It's the motivation.
00:24:15.000 Well, they were in a zone. 0.96
00:24:17.000 They were literally tripping balls, hacking people to death.
00:24:20.000 Dude, if it didn't work, and you're just like looking around, and you're like, guys, I'm not feeling it! 0.99
00:24:26.000 And they're just burning huts and shit. 0.86
00:24:27.000 But there was a study done. 0.99
00:24:29.000 There was a guy who's, I think he was a psychologist, did a study on mushrooms, and he found that it measurably increased visual acuity.
00:24:37.000 So what his study was, the way the study worked is, they have like two parallel lines, and then they move one line slightly off parallel.
00:24:45.000 And the people on mushrooms could detect that quicker than the people who are sober. 1.00
00:24:49.000 Yeah, because your eyes are fucking. 1.00
00:24:51.000 Yeah, you're out. 1.00
00:24:52.000 When I was 16, my buddy Brian, he's easily the smartest kid I know, grew up with, and loved the most drugs, and got mushrooms, and we took mushrooms, and then we were in the Good Times Burger parking lot.
00:25:06.000 16?
00:25:07.000 And I'm sitting there and I eat it with Brian.
00:25:09.000 And he was so smart that he explained to me what was going to happen as it was happening.
00:25:15.000 So he goes, all right, you've eaten the mushrooms.
00:25:17.000 The psilocybin is going to go into your stomach lining.
00:25:19.000 And then it's going to open your retina.
00:25:21.000 You're going to let more light in.
00:25:22.000 So you're going to have a problem with shadows and distance. 0.99
00:25:24.000 And I was like, I remember smoking a cigarette in the parking lot being like, oh, fuck. 0.99
00:25:29.000 It just seemed to be like, whoa. 1.00
00:25:32.000 Because you just notice shit. 1.00
00:25:33.000 Right. 1.00
00:25:33.000 Because your eyes are just like, huh. 1.00
00:25:35.000 And then he's like, my favorite part, he's like, you're going to think you know everything.
00:25:39.000 Almost immediately, I'm like, you know what?
00:25:41.000 I think school, I don't do well in school.
00:25:43.000 I like this.
00:25:44.000 Self-diagnosing myself.
00:25:46.000 I got ADHD, I think?
00:25:47.000 I don't know.
00:25:48.000 I'm on a lot of psilocybin.
00:25:50.000 But yeah, and then as it came down, it was crazy.
00:25:52.000 It was like the best experience to do a drug for the first time.
00:25:55.000 Now imagine if you knew about that, but all the rest of your village didn't, and you knew where the mushrooms were, and you had taken them a couple of times, and you said, you know what? 1.00
00:26:04.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00
00:26:05.000 They need to be under my thumb. 1.00
00:26:07.000 They need to be under my rule.
00:26:08.000 Let's make some stew.
00:26:09.000 Just tell them what to do.
00:26:12.000 And tell them you're in touch with God.
00:26:13.000 And you're going to give them a little piece of God.
00:26:15.000 And they're like, oh my God, how do you know this?
00:26:17.000 God speaks to me.
00:26:18.000 It's the confidence.
00:26:19.000 They've done it.
00:26:20.000 They've been there.
00:26:21.000 They probably might believe it.
00:26:22.000 Yeah.
00:26:23.000 That's what I always felt about.
00:26:25.000 Whenever I've been nervous about something in comedy, you always talk to someone older and they're over it.
00:26:32.000 Like what kind of stages?
00:26:34.000 Like when I started, I went on the road with Bobby Kelly, who's one of the best.
00:26:38.000 He's like my older brother.
00:26:39.000 I love Bobby.
00:26:39.000 Bobby is one of the funniest human beings and makes me, I can call him and just laugh like anytime I want, but I open for him.
00:26:46.000 And Bobby's Bobby, you know, Boston, tough and shit. 0.99
00:26:48.000 And he's like, you fucking, you love featuring, dude. 1.00
00:26:51.000 You're featuring. 1.00
00:26:52.000 You having fun, huh?
00:26:53.000 Doing your best jokes in the middle of the show.
00:26:56.000 Call me when you're a headliner.
00:26:57.000 Have fun with that, you know?
00:26:58.000 And then I was headlining and I was in Kansas City and I was just bombing.
00:27:03.000 Bombing!
00:27:04.000 And I was doing like Wednesday through Sunday.
00:27:06.000 It's one of those long weeks.
00:27:07.000 You know, it might have been a Tuesday through Sunday.
00:27:10.000 And it's just like a Thursday and I'm walking through a hot Target parking lot. 0.98
00:27:13.000 And I call Bobby and I'm like, I'm fucking bombing, dude. 0.99
00:27:17.000 This sucks. 0.99
00:27:18.000 And I'm intimidated. 1.00
00:27:19.000 And he's like...
00:27:20.000 Yeah, you want to be a headliner, huh? 0.99
00:27:23.000 Well, now you're a headliner and you're fucking, this is what happens. 0.98
00:27:25.000 And then he told me, he's like, it's not a big deal. 1.00
00:27:27.000 It's not going to be shit in two years. 0.99
00:27:29.000 So just walk through it. 0.99
00:27:30.000 And then that confidence of him being like over it and being like, yeah, dude, whatever.
00:27:33.000 You're working a week.
00:27:34.000 You're going to do this a lot the rest of your life.
00:27:36.000 You're like... 1.00
00:27:37.000 Fuck all right, it just it was a small comfort you need those sets. 0.99
00:27:40.000 Yeah, they're they're important Those those sets that suck the humbling ones you things the great humblers when you just come through and just get ear holes It's I have some from the 90s. 0.99
00:27:51.000 I still think about I have an open mic I swear to God, Joe, I have an open mic in Tucson, Arizona at Laughs Comedy Club.
00:27:59.000 I was telling my friend Jesse Campbell about this the other month when I was in Minnesota.
00:28:02.000 I remember everything about the bomb.
00:28:05.000 It was a three-minute open mic set, and I lasted a minute 16. I couldn't even fill my time, and it was all premises.
00:28:16.000 I was just going up there being like, you guys, you ever go on a date?
00:28:24.000 My TV's busted, and it's just like I was just...
00:28:26.000 How many times had you done an open mic before that?
00:28:29.000 Oh, months.
00:28:30.000 Like, I was an open miker, but I was like making...
00:28:33.000 Here's the thing. 0.97
00:28:33.000 This is why it fucked me up. 0.97
00:28:34.000 I was making progress. 0.87
00:28:36.000 I was like getting jokes together.
00:28:39.000 And then you hit a wall. 1.00
00:28:40.000 And then just got fucking ear-holed. 0.99
00:28:42.000 And then you bomb, and then it's that thing where you have to go sit with it and just be like, what am I actually doing with my life? 0.99
00:28:49.000 You can still smoke inside then, which was cool.
00:28:51.000 I remember those.
00:28:53.000 Just those bombs?
00:28:54.000 Yeah, the bombs where you're like, I think I should quit.
00:28:56.000 Yeah, I had one.
00:28:57.000 I told this on the bonfire with Jay.
00:28:59.000 They were at Stand Up New York playing as Comedy Central Presents.
00:29:04.000 It's like 2007 or 2008 when Jay got one.
00:29:06.000 And I was like an open mic-er running around.
00:29:09.000 And I did a check spot in front of Patrice and Jay.
00:29:14.000 And bombed so hard that I walked out of the club, called the girl I was dating, and was like, I think I gotta quit.
00:29:22.000 I don't know.
00:29:23.000 I don't think this is going.
00:29:26.000 You did a check spot, meaning there's a spot where they drop the checks?
00:29:30.000 Yeah.
00:29:30.000 Only one spot, they do that?
00:29:32.000 So in New York, they do a showcase club, you know, just like a store or whatever.
00:29:35.000 But what they do is they do five comics and then a check spot where everyone pays their bills at the same time.
00:29:42.000 Oh my God.
00:29:43.000 And so that's how I got in in New York, was I was like...
00:29:46.000 No one's coming for this.
00:29:48.000 Isn't that funny that we just assume people can't keep it together when they're paying the bill?
00:29:52.000 And they can't.
00:29:53.000 But then you lose the room.
00:29:55.000 How much is it?
00:29:57.000 How much is it?
00:29:58.000 Nine bucks for a vote?
00:29:59.000 And they're like, what?
00:30:00.000 28 divided by six?
00:30:01.000 What is it?
00:30:02.000 Is it 15%?
00:30:04.000 I mean, I still get checks dropped on me in clubs.
00:30:07.000 And you're like, but...
00:30:09.000 That's also what we're talking about, like how bombs are good for you.
00:30:12.000 When I was doing a check spot, I learned how to win the room.
00:30:16.000 I learned how to, like, oh, I can get them.
00:30:18.000 Also, you also learn, like, a little bit, phonies and psychos.
00:30:21.000 You learn how to be, like, politic and be like, all right, how can I get the least amount of brutal time?
00:30:28.000 Like, how can you...
00:30:28.000 Right, right, right.
00:30:29.000 Because I don't want to...
00:30:30.000 I mean, dude, it was...
00:30:32.000 You would go up there and be talking to a room that's not paying attention.
00:30:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:36.000 Buttfucks your ego. 1.00
00:30:37.000 You get off stage and you're like... 0.96
00:30:38.000 It's crazy that they do that for one spot.
00:30:40.000 They're like one spot that's designated that way.
00:30:42.000 That's not...
00:30:43.000 Is that the right way to do it? 1.00
00:30:45.000 Why can't people just have their fucking shit together? 1.00
00:30:48.000 Well, most clubs now, like the seller does it after the show. 1.00
00:30:51.000 You do the show and then you pay.
00:30:54.000 Oh, that's the perfect way to do it.
00:30:55.000 Yeah, but there was like, but that was also, you know, I could complain about it, but that's how I got my in in New York.
00:31:00.000 I was just a glutton for punishment.
00:31:02.000 Right, you just took those check spots.
00:31:03.000 And this great comic, Mike Britt, who I love to death, I'll never forget, was like, Anytime I'm hosting at Stand Up New York, you can do the check spots.
00:31:13.000 Oh, wow.
00:31:14.000 And I was like, for me, I was like, dude, this is...
00:31:16.000 Yeah, you gotta take it.
00:31:18.000 You gotta take it.
00:31:19.000 And then you would bomb and you would watch everyone walk out.
00:31:22.000 And there would just be like the other comics, like, you're so good.
00:31:24.000 And they see you, they're like, hey, hi.
00:31:26.000 Did you ever have a good one?
00:31:27.000 Did you figure it out?
00:31:28.000 Yeah, I started getting good at it.
00:31:28.000 Was there like a skill?
00:31:30.000 You talk to...
00:31:32.000 By watching guys like Patrice and Big J, I was able to be like, oh, engage with someone and then it spreads.
00:31:39.000 Because people are naturally curious.
00:31:42.000 So if you're talking and people are laughing, they're like, what's going on?
00:31:46.000 And then you learn how to get the room to listen to you.
00:31:51.000 So it got by the end where I started doing real spots.
00:31:55.000 That was funny. 0.99
00:31:57.000 I'd go do a bar show where everyone's listening and I'm like, Oh shit! 1.00
00:32:00.000 Oh shit! 1.00
00:32:01.000 Everyone's paying attention to me. 1.00
00:32:03.000 Everyone's like there to listen to jokes.
00:32:04.000 So it was a very valuable...
00:32:06.000 But for two years, man.
00:32:08.000 Just like...
00:32:08.000 I'll be at Stand Up New York on Friday night.
00:32:11.000 Just fucking bombing. 1.00
00:32:14.000 Bombing, dude. 1.00
00:32:16.000 And then watching a guy, one time there was this, dude, I'll never forget, there was this guy, the way Stand Up New York was, it was like long tables, but they turned to watch you.
00:32:25.000 This dude's just looking forward, and I'm bombing, and I'm just like... 0.99
00:32:30.000 This fucking guy can't even look at me. 1.00
00:32:32.000 And then I see him just do this. 1.00
00:32:33.000 And I'm like, he's blind. 1.00
00:32:34.000 He's fucking blind. 0.99
00:32:36.000 I thought he was just not listening to me and instead he was like, what's up? 1.00
00:32:39.000 And you're like, oh shit, oh shit. 1.00
00:32:41.000 And now I'm bombing like it's like a inception bomb. 1.00
00:32:43.000 Right now you're mean. 1.00
00:32:44.000 Yeah, and now he can like smell me being like, it fucking sucked. 1.00
00:32:49.000 Oh my god. 0.99
00:32:49.000 But you had all those coming up. 0.99
00:32:51.000 100%. 0.99
00:32:52.000 Would you just get fucking crushed? 0.99
00:32:54.000 I did bachelor parties with no microphone. 0.99
00:32:56.000 How?
00:32:57.000 Exactly.
00:32:58.000 How the f- Bachelor parties?
00:32:59.000 They don't want to see you.
00:33:00.000 They don't want to see me.
00:33:01.000 They want to see women.
00:33:02.000 Yeah, this is a poor choice.
00:33:03.000 You're making one of many poor choices.
00:33:05.000 Dude, whenever there's a bachelor party at a comedy club, you're like, guys, who chose wrong?
00:33:11.000 Yeah, this is- Well, bachelor party at a comedy club is fine.
00:33:17.000 But a bachelor party where a dude with no microphone is telling jokes and he's been telling jokes for exactly 14 months.
00:33:26.000 You know when you describe injuries and your injuries start hurting?
00:33:29.000 I'm like, oh, my breath's getting shallow.
00:33:32.000 How do you start that show?
00:33:36.000 Do you clap a lot?
00:33:38.000 Are you like... 0.99
00:33:39.000 Well, I was young and dumb. 0.96
00:33:42.000 At the time, I was like 22. You just did it. 0.96
00:33:44.000 I just did it.
00:33:46.000 I was like, let me just do it.
00:33:47.000 Here we go.
00:33:47.000 Hey, guys.
00:33:48.000 You're doing a show.
00:33:49.000 Thank you very much.
00:33:50.000 Thanks for hiring me for your show.
00:33:53.000 Good luck with the wedding. 0.99
00:33:54.000 You're going to fucking need it. 0.99
00:33:55.000 And then everybody laughs and you go into some jokes. 0.99
00:33:59.000 I'd have to have some joke about marriage or something.
00:34:01.000 Yeah, something to get them all. 0.93
00:34:04.000 Traffic sucks. 0.99
00:34:05.000 And they're like, it does suck. 0.99
00:34:06.000 I like this stuff. 0.99
00:34:07.000 Suck getting here. 0.97
00:34:10.000 You know, I started in Tucson and there was casinos around. 0.98
00:34:13.000 And the Desert Diamond Casino would do this show on Monday nights where they'd pay $100 to open for whoever the headliner was the weekend before would stay around and it was like a good money gig for them.
00:34:25.000 And the club asked me, they were like, do you want to open Monday at the Desert Diamond Casino for Ben Creed? 0.98
00:34:30.000 And I was like, fuck yes I do. 0.94
00:34:32.000 And they're like, can you do 30 minutes? 0.99
00:34:35.000 Yeah.
00:34:35.000 I had six.
00:34:37.000 Maybe six.
00:34:38.000 Ugh.
00:34:39.000 They send me out.
00:34:40.000 It's a Monday night football.
00:34:43.000 I remember the game.
00:34:44.000 It was the Steelers-Chargers.
00:34:47.000 Bar is packed with Charger fans because Tucson-San Diego is not that far from each other.
00:34:53.000 End of the Monday night football game, the Chargers miss a field goal and lose to the Steelers in a casino where there's probably...
00:35:00.000 I don't know if there's betting going on, probably.
00:35:01.000 The guy, the bartender, goes around and turns off all of the TVs and just puts the mic on the stand.
00:35:07.000 He goes, there you go.
00:35:08.000 And I had to go out there and be like, hey!
00:35:11.000 What's up with missing field goals?
00:35:14.000 Like I had nothing.
00:35:15.000 And I bombed for 30 minutes.
00:35:18.000 But I did my time because that was like, you know, I was like, I got to do the 30 and they're not going to give me my 100. I was up on this large stage and then I announced Ben Creed and he just walks to the foot of the stage and he's like, give me the microphone.
00:35:31.000 He's like I'm not getting up on that stage and just starts murdering standing in front of him and I was like dude that walk off the tall stage I was like damn dude I bombed and I look like an idiot and then I just went and got drunk on the hundred dollars they gave me I was like this fucking sucks I did this bar gig in Boston and the first time we did it they left the television on and the hockey game was on So no one's paying attention to the comedy show.
00:35:56.000 So we came back and the booker was like, how was the gig? 0.97
00:36:00.000 And I said, well, it's good except they keep a hockey game on while you're doing stand-up and no one's paying attention.
00:36:05.000 And they're all talking and cheering.
00:36:07.000 So it's like you're doing stand-up for the few people that are paying attention.
00:36:11.000 And they said, well, that's not good.
00:36:13.000 We're going to have them take the TV and shut it off next time we have a comedy show. 0.99
00:36:18.000 So the next time we have a comedy show there... 0.97
00:36:20.000 They shut the TV off in the middle of the fucking game and said we're going to have a live comedy show, which was way worse. 0.98
00:36:26.000 Because now people are mad at you. 0.99
00:36:27.000 And they're not there if they are there for comedy.
00:36:29.000 They're embarrassed that the people are angry that they're there for comedy.
00:36:34.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:36:34.000 They're like, what the fuck's going on? 0.99
00:36:35.000 What's going on? 1.00
00:36:36.000 It was just blind Boston hockey fan rage. 1.00
00:36:39.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:36:41.000 For fucking jokes? 1.00
00:36:43.000 The New England area, be very careful what sports overlap with your comedy shows. 1.00
00:36:47.000 Because I was doing Comedy Connection.
00:36:50.000 It was the Patriots and the Ravens on a Saturday night NFL playoff game.
00:36:55.000 And they're like, hey, so there's like five minutes left in the game.
00:36:59.000 We'll just start the show in like 10 minutes.
00:37:01.000 I was like...
00:37:02.000 I will do less time.
00:37:04.000 We're going to show the end of that game.
00:37:05.000 Because I'm not having you pull that screen up and have me be like, what's going on in the world?
00:37:12.000 I wanted to watch Tom Brady beat the Ravens.
00:37:14.000 Thank God the Patriots won and the show was great.
00:37:16.000 I did like 30 minutes.
00:37:18.000 Isn't it crazy though?
00:37:18.000 If the Patriots lost, the show might have been shittier.
00:37:21.000 Dude.
00:37:22.000 It's a real possibility.
00:37:23.000 It genuinely affects how people feel.
00:37:26.000 My favorite story of this, of sports affecting it, is I used to open for Nate Bargetsy.
00:37:31.000 He's one of my best friends.
00:37:32.000 Love that dude.
00:37:33.000 He's one of the funniest human beings.
00:37:34.000 He's one of the best comics working.
00:37:35.000 Yeah, he's great.
00:37:36.000 But he... 0.99
00:37:37.000 I mean, we do shit gigs together. 0.99
00:37:39.000 You know, it's like when your buddy first starts headlining, and they're like, they're like, dude, fucking come open for me. 0.99
00:37:44.000 And you're like, absolutely. 0.67
00:37:46.000 This is great.
00:37:46.000 You feel like you're stealing money.
00:37:48.000 Right.
00:37:48.000 You're like, dude, I'll come open for you.
00:37:50.000 This is gonna be great.
00:37:51.000 We did this place in Erie, Pennsylvania called Junior's Last Laugh.
00:37:56.000 And it's a big room.
00:37:59.000 It's a real big room.
00:38:00.000 And the guy, the owner's like, Saturday's sold out.
00:38:03.000 It's a Christmas party.
00:38:05.000 This was in January.
00:38:06.000 He's like, it's a Christmas party.
00:38:08.000 550 people.
00:38:10.000 Saturday.
00:38:10.000 And the rest of the shows are sparse.
00:38:12.000 So we're like, this is going to be the big show.
00:38:14.000 It's like working up all weekend.
00:38:17.000 Nate and I go to Buffalo Wild Wings on that Saturday.
00:38:19.000 No, I'm good.
00:38:20.000 I might do more of that joint. 0.74
00:38:21.000 You rip a cigar, I'll rip a joint.
00:38:24.000 As a former cigarette smoker, cigars make me just want to be like...
00:38:28.000 It's too close.
00:38:28.000 Give me a pack of Camel Bats.
00:38:29.000 It's too close.
00:38:30.000 Stop dry humping me. 1.00
00:38:32.000 I want to smoke a fucking cigarette. 1.00
00:38:34.000 So we're at... 1.00
00:38:36.000 The Saturday comes and we're at Buffalo Wild Wings.
00:38:39.000 And Nate and I... I'm watching football, and I'm like, hey, who's the afternoon game?
00:38:45.000 And he's like, uh, Steelers-Ravens?
00:38:50.000 One of the biggest rivalries in the NFL? And we're in Steeler country.
00:38:53.000 Erie, Pennsylvania is like, Steeler country. 0.99
00:38:55.000 Dude, we show up to that show, 500 people, they said, 400 are in the bar watching the Steeler game.
00:39:04.000 100 are in this giant room waiting for comedy.
00:39:07.000 Everyone's watching the Steeler game.
00:39:09.000 It's going on.
00:39:10.000 How much more time?
00:39:12.000 The first quarter.
00:39:13.000 It's like the game aligns with the show.
00:39:17.000 And I'm featuring. 0.82
00:39:18.000 I get so fucking lucky that my set lines up with halftime. 0.90
00:39:23.000 It's halftime. 0.98
00:39:25.000 I go up.
00:39:26.000 A lot of them go in the room.
00:39:27.000 They're not that great of a crowd.
00:39:30.000 I finish.
00:39:31.000 Nate goes on.
00:39:32.000 He maybe has five minutes with him in the room.
00:39:35.000 Second half starts.
00:39:36.000 They flood out.
00:39:37.000 I'm in the room watching Nate because I'm like, dude, this is a memorable show.
00:39:40.000 There's no way I'm never going to forget this show.
00:39:43.000 And Nate has got his same tone.
00:39:45.000 Some of the best jokes. 0.99
00:39:46.000 He's just fucking saying them. 0.99
00:39:48.000 And if he would say a joke, the people in the room would laugh. 1.00
00:39:50.000 And then you'd hear...
00:39:52.000 Like out at the bar. 0.97
00:39:54.000 And it would just fucking cut through the wall. 0.98
00:39:57.000 So they were laughing or they were cheering? 0.99
00:39:59.000 Cheering.
00:39:59.000 Cheering.
00:40:00.000 Like fucking going. 1.00
00:40:01.000 Because the Steelers won. 1.00
00:40:02.000 And they're like...
00:40:03.000 And then Nate's like, my wife, you know, I come home late doing comedy, and then you hear like, it's just like tearing through. 0.96
00:40:10.000 And I'm sitting there drinking a beer being like, dude, this is, I gotta watch this, because this is a memorable, Nate's getting fucked right now by the Steelers. 0.97
00:40:17.000 It was great. 0.97
00:40:18.000 It was a very fun thing. 1.00
00:40:19.000 And now you watch them, you know, do theaters and shit. 0.99
00:40:22.000 But it's interesting, all those people had paid for tickets, but the game was so important to them, they wanted to watch it right there and then. 0.99
00:40:28.000 We'd rather waste money and stand shoulder to shoulder in a tight bar watching a fucking tiny TV. Yeah. 0.99
00:40:35.000 That's why I always think like, you know, comedy, it's always, you gotta be humble. 0.86
00:40:41.000 You just gotta be like, dude, this, we ain't shit. 0.96
00:40:43.000 For sure. 1.00
00:40:43.000 This is like, if a fucking NFL game can make people waste money, to be like, I don't give a shit about this clown. 1.00
00:40:49.000 Not just that though, but like live sporting events are really becoming like the best option for TV. Because it's the only thing that you have to watch when it's happening. 0.99
00:41:01.000 Everything else is streaming now.
00:41:02.000 Everything's streaming.
00:41:04.000 Spoilers, people take them better now, but sports is like, you can also watch it on your phone.
00:41:10.000 You can just be active in it in a way where you're like, you can watch it.
00:41:14.000 I would say the NFL is like, Probably a bigger religion than some religions in this country.
00:41:21.000 Because I know I do.
00:41:22.000 I love the 49ers.
00:41:23.000 And I put it in my calendar to be like, all right, the 49ers are playing Sunday. 0.99
00:41:29.000 I gotta be home by this time to watch them play the fucking Cardinals. 0.99
00:41:33.000 You played college ball, didn't you? 1.00
00:41:34.000 No.
00:41:34.000 I sucked at football, dude.
00:41:35.000 You never did? 1.00
00:41:35.000 You sucked at football? 1.00
00:41:36.000 I sucked at athletics. 1.00
00:41:37.000 You know what I learned? 0.94
00:41:38.000 I learned that's when I was funny.
00:41:40.000 I was like...
00:41:41.000 Did you play high school?
00:41:42.000 Yeah, I played high school football and I could run into people fast with my big head.
00:41:46.000 That was it. 0.99
00:41:48.000 I didn't know fucking schemes. 0.99
00:41:51.000 I didn't know anything. 0.99
00:41:52.000 I was just like, my friends played football.
00:41:54.000 I loved football.
00:41:55.000 I wanted to be good at it.
00:41:57.000 One in the cards, dude.
00:41:58.000 Did you ever see the origins of football?
00:42:00.000 No.
00:42:01.000 They invented it to get people's mind off a war.
00:42:04.000 They gave people a distraction.
00:42:06.000 They're like, hey, let's do tiny trench wars.
00:42:08.000 And then now it crowns people 100 millionaires.
00:42:12.000 With leather helmets on back then, too. 1.00
00:42:14.000 That shit was wild. 1.00
00:42:15.000 You know, I think... 1.00
00:42:16.000 There's part of me that thinks the more and more the CTE conversation gets brought up and they talk about helmets and stuff.
00:42:23.000 Why don't we go back to take off the face mask?
00:42:26.000 I wonder if dudes would run into each other as fast.
00:42:28.000 They will definitely.
00:42:28.000 Some dudes will.
00:42:30.000 The problem is...
00:42:30.000 Yeah, the psychos are like, I'm already numbed up.
00:42:33.000 I'll run into you full face. 0.97
00:42:35.000 Not only that.
00:42:36.000 Look at that.
00:42:37.000 That looks like a swim team now.
00:42:38.000 Look how small they were.
00:42:40.000 Dude, I bet those guys could...
00:42:42.000 You know what I mean?
00:42:43.000 I bet they were smaller.
00:42:44.000 I bet like... 1.00
00:42:45.000 But I bet they could grab you with that dad strength and you'd be like, oh shit! 1.00
00:42:50.000 Yeah, people were different. 1.00
00:42:51.000 Look at that guy laying on the bottom.
00:42:52.000 That guy laying on the bottom right there would probably run through me like a piece of paper.
00:42:57.000 The guy that's doing this Playgirl spread. 0.99
00:42:59.000 That looks like the front cover of the best gay porn ever. 0.92
00:43:02.000 They're like, ah, look, it's the running Twinks from 1882. They just could fucking run right through me. 1.00
00:43:09.000 This is a college game? 0.99
00:43:11.000 Penn.
00:43:11.000 Penn State?
00:43:12.000 Is Penn State in 1901?
00:43:14.000 Penn.
00:43:16.000 Just Penn. 1.00
00:43:17.000 Damn, dude. 1.00
00:43:18.000 Rockin' the stripes, lookin' like the Hamburglar. 0.99
00:43:20.000 So did they play with no helmets back then at all?
00:43:23.000 Oh, look at the top hat!
00:43:25.000 Look at that, dude.
00:43:25.000 If your coach had to wear a top hat like that...
00:43:27.000 Wouldn't you love to go back in time and just watch him practice?
00:43:31.000 Yeah.
00:43:32.000 Just watch him talk and...
00:43:34.000 Do you think they had helmets for anything back there besides war?
00:43:37.000 Like, there wasn't a bicycle helmet?
00:43:39.000 Oh, what?
00:43:40.000 Oh, my God.
00:43:40.000 Bicycle helmets didn't even drop to the 70s, I think.
00:43:42.000 There wasn't even safety.
00:43:44.000 I never had a bicycle helmet.
00:43:45.000 Yeah, those guys were probably like, why, you can't restrict your brain or else you'll go crazy. 0.98
00:43:49.000 Put anything on your head, you go nuts!
00:43:51.000 Because they don't have, like, science.
00:43:53.000 It's like...
00:43:53.000 As soon as they gave people bicycle helmets, they started doing flips.
00:43:56.000 For real.
00:43:57.000 That's what I mean.
00:43:58.000 That's what I mean.
00:43:59.000 With the face masks, you take a face mask off, I don't know if a dude's gonna throw his body the way he is.
00:44:05.000 Well, you know what it's gonna be like?
00:44:06.000 It's gonna be legalizing drugs. 0.97
00:44:08.000 There's gonna be a break-in period where things are gonna get fucked. 0.87
00:44:12.000 There's gonna be a period of transition. 0.88
00:44:14.000 Which is what a fun period to watch.
00:44:17.000 Yeah, fun.
00:44:17.000 But with football, that could be a real issue.
00:44:20.000 Like that period of transition where people go from playing football with pads to playing football with no pads.
00:44:25.000 Because that's what they should be doing.
00:44:27.000 Anything you could do when you're wearing armor.
00:44:29.000 You're wearing armor?
00:44:30.000 Come on. 0.97
00:44:32.000 Well, it gives you like, you know, I think that's why people talk shit online so well, because it's like you got a mask, you got an armor on, you got a distance. 0.98
00:44:40.000 Of course. 1.00
00:44:40.000 You can just fucking talk that shit. 1.00
00:44:42.000 Definitely. 1.00
00:44:42.000 So you can let stuff out. 1.00
00:44:43.000 So you're right.
00:44:44.000 It's like you take the armor off.
00:44:45.000 Yeah.
00:44:46.000 What's football?
00:44:47.000 It's a weird game.
00:44:47.000 Well, Australians do it.
00:44:49.000 Yeah, it's not disparaging football. 0.91
00:44:51.000 It's a dope game.
00:44:52.000 It's my favorite.
00:44:53.000 It's weird in that they're armored.
00:44:55.000 Like, if you look at, like, the way rugby guys play.
00:44:57.000 Yeah, it feels cool.
00:44:58.000 I'm not gonna lie, part of the...
00:44:59.000 The armor?
00:45:00.000 Yeah, of course.
00:45:01.000 It was like, dude, I sucked at it. 0.98
00:45:02.000 So knowing that I'm gonna go get laid out, I was still, like, putting on my pads, like, this is fucking cool. 0.96
00:45:10.000 And then just getting... 0.62
00:45:11.000 Dude, I got...
00:45:12.000 I used to practice when I was in high school, and I was on JV, and you'd have to go against varsity, and a guy would just grab you and just be like, you're gonna go in the dirt now, and just put you in the dirt and just hold you there, and you're like... 0.99
00:45:23.000 It fucking sucks. 0.98
00:45:25.000 Like what's funny is Shane was awesome at football. 1.00
00:45:28.000 Yeah. 0.77
00:45:29.000 And then he showed me a picture and I saw him in his pads and I was like, you would have kicked the shit out of me every day in practice.
00:45:34.000 You look, he's got helmet face. 0.81
00:45:36.000 Yes.
00:45:36.000 Like his face fits perfectly in a helmet.
00:45:38.000 It formed that way.
00:45:40.000 Exactly.
00:45:40.000 My face is so far back, but yet I have a bigger head.
00:45:44.000 Shane's got a trainer now.
00:45:45.000 I know.
00:45:46.000 He's working out.
00:45:47.000 He was puffing up on me.
00:45:48.000 Yeah, he showed me his guns.
00:45:50.000 I was like, dude, those are big.
00:45:51.000 This is my impression of Shane flexing.
00:45:55.000 That's pretty good.
00:45:56.000 The face.
00:45:56.000 He goes, touch me, dude.
00:45:57.000 The face.
00:45:58.000 The mouth.
00:45:58.000 That's pretty good.
00:45:59.000 I do a good Shane face.
00:46:01.000 But yeah, dude, we were in Nashville together, and I was like, all right.
00:46:05.000 Yeah, no, he's getting buff.
00:46:06.000 I got so soft during COVID. I just ate and sat around, and then everyone came back out, and I was like...
00:46:14.000 I'm all mushy.
00:46:14.000 It's hard if you live in an apartment, man.
00:46:17.000 If there's lockdowns everywhere and you live in an apartment and you got no...
00:46:21.000 What are you gonna do?
00:46:22.000 You gonna work out in your kitchen?
00:46:23.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:46:23.000 A lot of people did.
00:46:25.000 My poor girlfriend has to hear me breathing, doing push-ups. 1.00
00:46:28.000 Like...
00:46:29.000 Have you ever wanted to let it go? 1.00
00:46:31.000 Have you ever wanted to just be like, like, fuck Sober October. 0.99
00:46:35.000 Do like a lazy January where you just don't, you don't work out. 1.00
00:46:39.000 I'll just get depressed.
00:46:40.000 It won't be, it's not good.
00:46:41.000 Okay.
00:46:42.000 That's not smart.
00:46:43.000 That doesn't make any sense to me.
00:46:44.000 It's like, that won't feel good.
00:46:45.000 Like, I don't mind working out.
00:46:47.000 Is that just me being lazy and be like, get down in the mud, Joe?
00:46:50.000 I don't mind effort.
00:46:52.000 It's so normal to me.
00:46:54.000 Like today, I did not want to work out today.
00:46:56.000 But I knew that that's just this thing that you have to go through in the earliest part of the workout to start breaking a sweat.
00:47:03.000 So I just trudged through the first couple of minutes like I always do.
00:47:07.000 But that voice is always there. 1.00
00:47:09.000 That fuck it voice. 1.00
00:47:11.000 My voice is so good at getting me to say fuck it. 1.00
00:47:14.000 My voice is like, dude, take a nap. 1.00
00:47:16.000 It's a good salesman.
00:47:17.000 I'm like, yeah, you're right, dude.
00:47:18.000 Take a nap.
00:47:19.000 Naps rule. 0.99
00:47:22.000 It's not good.
00:47:23.000 You don't have to.
00:47:24.000 Also, your body's used to it. 1.00
00:47:25.000 Your body's used to those endorphins and shit. 0.99
00:47:27.000 It's used to it, and my mind is used to it, maybe even more than my body. 0.99
00:47:31.000 That's the most important thing. 0.98
00:47:32.000 When I have a good cardio workout, especially, nothing fucking bothers me, man. 0.97
00:47:37.000 Really? 0.98
00:47:38.000 Nothing.
00:47:38.000 I'm cool.
00:47:39.000 But no matter what, I'm like, we're good.
00:47:41.000 That's a good pitch for working out.
00:47:43.000 There's something to it, man, because I don't think it just comes from straight exercise.
00:47:48.000 I think it comes from exhaustion.
00:47:51.000 Actual exhaustion.
00:47:52.000 And then recovery from that exhaustion.
00:47:54.000 There's like a level of peace and clarity that I only achieve through these brutal workouts.
00:48:01.000 And so I'm not missing that.
00:48:02.000 Because if that was a pill, if my psychiatrist got me on that pill, I'd be like, dude, thank you. 1.00
00:48:07.000 This is the shit. 1.00
00:48:08.000 This is the one. 1.00
00:48:09.000 Oh my god, it's the one.
00:48:11.000 All my problems, my anxiety, it's all out the window now and I'm more loving, I'm more friendly, I'm more forgiving, I have more clarity.
00:48:20.000 Do you take days off?
00:48:22.000 Yeah, occasionally.
00:48:23.000 Yeah, I'll take a day off.
00:48:24.000 I'm not scared.
00:48:25.000 I have to work out every day.
00:48:27.000 It's just I know I should work out every day.
00:48:29.000 Because I take a day off, and then I'm like, what about two days off?
00:48:32.000 And then I'm like, what about three days off?
00:48:33.000 Well, sometimes I've gone too far, and I overtrained.
00:48:37.000 Like, I'm too exhausted.
00:48:38.000 I went a little nutty.
00:48:40.000 And then the next day, I'll take two days off.
00:48:43.000 I'll take a couple days off, and then I'll come back.
00:48:44.000 Do you love those days?
00:48:46.000 Sometimes.
00:48:46.000 I love days off if I earned it.
00:48:49.000 If I'm just taking a day off, say if we don't have any podcasts and I didn't do anything that day, I didn't work out, I didn't write, I didn't do shit, I just laid around the house, that's not fun.
00:49:02.000 Is it though? 0.67
00:49:03.000 It's not fun.
00:49:04.000 I don't enjoy it.
00:49:04.000 To compare my laziness with yours, I'm like, I don't know, Joe.
00:49:08.000 I would go as far as to say it is very enjoyable to just lay around.
00:49:11.000 But that's kind of what I did during the pandemic and then trying to get back. 0.90
00:49:16.000 Getting back on the road full time was like a thing where I was like, oh shit, that was in a way like I was in shape and now I'm out of shape. 0.98
00:49:25.000 I would come home on Sunday and be fucking exhausted. 0.78
00:49:30.000 Exhausted just being like I did five shows that and now it's back to being nothing, but then it was like Mentally, I didn't realize going to the airport travel. 0.97
00:49:38.000 Yeah going to the hotel preparing the sets writing jokes during the day if I so relaxed it was I missed it I missed like It's great to be back on the road now, and it's great to go back out and just do stand-up and have every show be fun.
00:49:53.000 Well, you realize what?
00:49:54.000 You almost got taken away forever.
00:49:57.000 Dude.
00:49:57.000 It's the most amazing job.
00:49:59.000 I was laughing about it.
00:50:00.000 It became funny at one point, because my end of 2019, probably the best run I've ever had in my life, to the point where I was like, So you were right there, and then they took it away.
00:50:10.000 I was having so much fun.
00:50:11.000 My girlfriend and I met, started dating.
00:50:13.000 That was awesome.
00:50:14.000 The 49ers were in the playoffs.
00:50:16.000 My buddy from middle school was coaching them.
00:50:19.000 I was having so much fun.
00:50:20.000 I put out an HBO special that I was proud of.
00:50:23.000 I was adding shows.
00:50:25.000 Everyone's like, We've got to add shows.
00:50:26.000 I'm 50% Dan, baby.
00:50:28.000 I'm apologizing to waitresses.
00:50:30.000 I'm saying I'm sorry you can't make rent this month.
00:50:35.000 And so they're like, we've got to add an early show on Thursday.
00:50:37.000 I'm like, this is what I can't.
00:50:38.000 What is this?
00:50:38.000 But I didn't have a good act.
00:50:41.000 Because I turned my special around too quick.
00:50:43.000 Didn't have an act that I was proud of, jokes I liked. 1.00
00:50:46.000 And then fucking, dude, COVID was like, sit down, bitch. 1.00
00:50:50.000 And I was like, all right. 1.00
00:50:51.000 And then just stopped doing stand-up.
00:50:53.000 But that was, I think that's the lesson I learned from COVID was it slowed me down and I got to retool and be, I don't know, kind of recalibrate in a way now that I'm having a lot more fun.
00:51:07.000 That's great.
00:51:08.000 It's like you need a reassessment sometimes, because a lot of times we operate on momentum.
00:51:12.000 Yeah.
00:51:12.000 You're just going and going and going, but you're not thinking about, like, hmm, what am I doing?
00:51:17.000 Yeah, you're not taking the steps to be like, is this good?
00:51:19.000 I also think in, like, our modern culture, it's so pushed, undefeated.
00:51:24.000 All I do is win. 1.00
00:51:25.000 It's like, motherfucker, you're boring if you just win. 0.99
00:51:28.000 The best is learning from a loss, and I think that's why, like, sports, I think it's important if you're good and shitty. 1.00
00:51:35.000 Yeah. 0.93
00:51:35.000 I was shitty at it, but, dude, You got a lot out of it. 0.93
00:51:38.000 I learned a lot about humility. 0.99
00:51:40.000 I learned a lot about, you ain't shit. 0.99
00:51:42.000 Dude, I lost a Pop Warner football game 116-0. 0.99
00:51:46.000 Whoa.
00:51:48.000 When you're a kid, when you're 11 and you're losing like 84-0, you're like, hey guys, I got the lesson.
00:51:56.000 Can we stop?
00:51:57.000 And then that drive home with my mom where she's like...
00:52:01.000 Y'all took a beating.
00:52:02.000 She can't even hide it. 1.00
00:52:05.000 She's like, shit, man, you got the fucking dick knocked off you. 1.00
00:52:08.000 You gotta experience loss. 1.00
00:52:09.000 Yeah, and I think that's always, like, people that are afraid of it push the other agenda, where they're like, all I do is win.
00:52:17.000 You're weak if you lose, and you're like, ah.
00:52:19.000 I think you're afraid to lose.
00:52:21.000 You can't be afraid to lose.
00:52:22.000 Yeah.
00:52:23.000 It means you're trying to grow and trying to step up to another level.
00:52:28.000 You're trying to figure things out.
00:52:29.000 It's a risk.
00:52:30.000 You're trying to do something you're not perfect at yet.
00:52:32.000 You're trying to get better.
00:52:33.000 Yeah, I used to be so ashamed.
00:52:35.000 Like, you want to talk about working out?
00:52:36.000 I used to be, like, so...
00:52:38.000 When I was in my 20s, and I'd go to the gym, and I'd be doing just dumbbell press, and be like... 0.88
00:52:45.000 But I'm at a Gold's gym in Tucson at like fucking 2 p.m. 0.96
00:52:48.000 No one's there. 1.00
00:52:49.000 But the guys that are there that are big and working out, I'm immediately like, dude, I look like such an asshole. 0.98
00:52:55.000 And it would deter me from coming back. 1.00
00:52:57.000 Because I'd be like, I look dumb. 1.00
00:52:59.000 But then the older you get, you're like, you look dumb for a little bit. 1.00
00:53:01.000 And then you get better at it. 0.98
00:53:02.000 And you get better.
00:53:03.000 It's like check spots. 0.99
00:53:04.000 It was like, I looked like an asshole in front of Patrice and Big J on that premiere. 0.99
00:53:09.000 But then you just keep doing it and doing it and doing it. 0.98
00:53:11.000 I think the problem with a lot of people also is that they have one thing. 1.00
00:53:15.000 So if you have one thing that you're learning and you're trying to get good at and you suck, that means you suck. 1.00
00:53:21.000 Right? 0.99
00:53:21.000 But if you have another thing that you do that you're good... 0.99
00:53:23.000 If you're putting all of it into that...
00:53:25.000 Like, say if you're trying to do stand-up, but you're also a professional chess player.
00:53:28.000 You're like a really good chess player.
00:53:29.000 So you know how to get really good at something.
00:53:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:53:32.000 And so stand-up, you suck. 1.00
00:53:34.000 But you're like, yeah, but it's a process. 0.99
00:53:36.000 Because I'm fucking good at this chess thing, and I think I'm going to be good at stand-up too.
00:53:40.000 It's complicated and it's difficult, but I'm going to figure it out. 0.70
00:53:43.000 But if you've never done anything before...
00:53:45.000 That's the the early days of stand-up are the most dangerous times for a depressed person's life Because you're the reason why you're getting into stand-up in the first place validation Yeah, most likely mommy and daddy weren't fucking hanging around so often if you're good if you're good And so these kids are already or these people are already kind of fucked and then the thing they're trying to do is just Crushing their self-esteem like like you've never felt before I always say that bombing is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother But the problem is, 0.99
00:54:14.000 there's a guy out there that would like sucking a thousand dicks in front of his mom. 1.00
00:54:17.000 He's like, this is what I do, mom. 1.00
00:54:19.000 You love me.
00:54:21.000 Number 99, mommy. 0.99
00:54:23.000 Look at your baby just sucking him down. 1.00
00:54:25.000 It is... 1.00
00:54:27.000 You would see...
00:54:28.000 What was funny about doing stand-up in New York in the open mic scene is...
00:54:32.000 I started in Tucson where they kind of...
00:54:35.000 Aided the open mic.
00:54:37.000 They would put it in front of a real show so you'd get crowds.
00:54:40.000 And then you go to New York and you're like, this is the barren wasteland. 0.95
00:54:45.000 You're seeing mentally ill people. 1.00
00:54:47.000 Like Tim Dillon is the best example. 0.94
00:54:49.000 Tim Dillon's from Long Island or whatever.
00:54:51.000 He could've started in that Long Island scene, and stayed out there, and Ben Tim Dillon, but he showed up and was like, I gotta get out of there.
00:54:58.000 They're worse than the people here!
00:55:00.000 And you just saw him, and you would see people that you're like, this guy's really funny, he'll be alright, and you kinda gotta grab each other in that moment and be like, we're gonna get through this storm!
00:55:09.000 Everybody's gonna be alright.
00:55:11.000 We have potatoes in the basement.
00:55:13.000 That was like me, List, Nate, Norman when we were coming up in New York. 0.91
00:55:16.000 We're like, guys, this is fucking awful, but we're doing it! 0.84
00:55:19.000 And booze helps. 1.00
00:55:21.000 Booze helps when you're like, let's go get beers and laugh about this shit and be dumb. 1.00
00:55:25.000 And it really... 1.00
00:55:26.000 Because you're right.
00:55:27.000 Because if you don't have that...
00:55:29.000 And you're like, you're bomb.
00:55:32.000 Well, you guys have a good camaraderie in New York now.
00:55:35.000 There wasn't a good camaraderie in New York in the 90s.
00:55:37.000 Oh, man.
00:55:38.000 Everybody had the TV mentality. 0.98
00:55:40.000 Everybody's trying to get TV shows, and if you and I were auditioning for the same television show, we'd fucking both hate each other. 0.99
00:55:47.000 Crazy. 0.99
00:55:47.000 It's like, oh, Dan Soder got that fucking part. 0.99
00:55:49.000 Yeah, that guy's playing fucking goofy neighbor. 1.00
00:55:51.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:55:52.000 I'm a goofy neighbor. 1.00
00:55:53.000 Did you guys ever do it with catchphrase commercials? 0.99
00:55:55.000 He's like, he's the fucking come and see me guy now. 1.00
00:55:57.000 Fuck him! 1.00
00:55:58.000 That fucking prick! 1.00
00:55:59.000 Guy's not even funny! 1.00
00:56:01.000 That was the thing in the 90s, and the guys that are coming up today, they don't have that attitude anymore.
00:56:06.000 Everybody does everybody's podcast, so it's way healthier.
00:56:09.000 Hey, check this guy out.
00:56:10.000 I really care about him.
00:56:11.000 Well, that's what's interesting.
00:56:12.000 I love talking to guys that have been around, because...
00:56:18.000 History repeats itself and you've been in comedy where you've watched the crash the 90s guys People don't realize about this about the mid 90s early to early 2000 comics You guys were doing it for nobody.
00:56:30.000 No one gave a fuck about comedy.
00:56:32.000 They did in certain places But you look at the store you look at the cellar Louie put up this old video of him at the cellar from like 2001 There's no one there There's like 15 people and they're just running a show all night being like, whoever comes in, they stay until they want to leave.
00:56:48.000 We put up as many comics as we can.
00:56:49.000 And now they're like, good luck getting a reservation two weeks before.
00:56:53.000 It's like a hot ticket.
00:56:55.000 So I try to tell my friends, I'm like, guys, just be aware.
00:56:59.000 That that might be coming back.
00:57:01.000 We might have reached a point in comedy.
00:57:04.000 And I think...
00:57:05.000 No.
00:57:06.000 You don't think that?
00:57:07.000 Not even close.
00:57:08.000 Really?
00:57:09.000 The opposite.
00:57:10.000 It's the opposite.
00:57:11.000 You think it's still going up?
00:57:12.000 It's the most fun thing to go see.
00:57:15.000 It is very fun to go see.
00:57:16.000 And it's live.
00:57:16.000 It's one of the rare live things.
00:57:18.000 But you don't think podcasting, specifically podcasting, started showing too many people how the sausage is made? 1.00
00:57:25.000 No, fuck the sausage. 1.00
00:57:27.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00
00:57:28.000 Tell good jokes. 1.00
00:57:29.000 I know how the sausage is made.
00:57:30.000 I still laugh.
00:57:31.000 I still love sausage. 0.99
00:57:32.000 I fucking love sausage. 0.99
00:57:33.000 When Tim Dillon, like I hadn't seen him in like six months and I went to see him at the Vulcan, he fucking murdered. 0.99
00:57:40.000 You want to talk about know the sausage? 0.99
00:57:41.000 I know that guy inside now.
00:57:42.000 I know everything about him. 0.99
00:57:43.000 He's a fucking great guy. 0.98
00:57:44.000 I'm friends with him. 0.99
00:57:45.000 I hang with him. 0.99
00:57:46.000 We talk shit together privately. 1.00
00:57:48.000 We text message. 1.00
00:57:49.000 We send memes to each other. 0.99
00:57:50.000 And I still laughed hard as fuck. 0.99
00:57:52.000 You can't know the sausage anymore than like the way I know Joey Diaz or the way I know... 0.99
00:57:57.000 I feel that way about, you know, Nate and Big J and Shane.
00:58:00.000 You still laugh though, right?
00:58:03.000 Great comedy is fun, man.
00:58:05.000 It's not going anywhere.
00:58:06.000 You can't think like this.
00:58:08.000 You're a doom and gloom guy.
00:58:09.000 Oh, I mean, I'm trying to pull out of it.
00:58:11.000 Don't do that.
00:58:11.000 I'm not a doom and gloom guy.
00:58:12.000 But I'm also trying to pull out of that, because I think that was most of my life being like, other shoes coming.
00:58:19.000 When, constantly, in everything, every relationship, everything, it was like, because probably of how I grew up and shit that happened to me when I was a teenager, I was probably like, yeah, it's doom and gloom.
00:58:29.000 If something, exact example, when I talked to you about 2019, I felt, when COVID happened, there was a part of me that was like, I was due.
00:58:38.000 You were due for a fall. 0.98
00:58:40.000 I was like, that was too much good shit. 0.99
00:58:42.000 So I think that's also why I also think every comedian, if you're a professional comedian, you should be in therapy or have a form of therapy because that's like a sports trainer. 0.99
00:58:54.000 Helping you so you don't slow your knees out. 0.98
00:58:56.000 Yeah, you just will you also like to process shit, right? 0.99
00:58:59.000 I've been able to look at like you saying I'm a doom and gloom guy. 0.99
00:59:02.000 Yeah 15 years ago.
00:59:04.000 I'd be like Like now because I know myself I'm like Yeah, no, I am.
00:59:12.000 Straight up, I am. 0.99
00:59:13.000 But I'm also trying to change that actively, because then the more I change that, the more I can enjoy shit. 0.98
00:59:19.000 Well, the reality is no one knows what's going to happen in the future, right? 0.98
00:59:22.000 Anything can happen. 0.95
00:59:23.000 And the real dark, dystopian, fucking dangerous future involves war and natural disasters. 0.98
00:59:29.000 Yes. 0.98
00:59:29.000 Those are the real scenarios that could wipe out everything. 0.98
00:59:32.000 Yes.
00:59:32.000 But if culture remains consistent, and it stays the way it is right now, with the access to the internet that people have today, comedy's not going anywhere.
00:59:41.000 It's the most fun thing.
00:59:42.000 Which is great.
00:59:42.000 Listen, that's what I want.
00:59:43.000 Let it go.
00:59:44.000 Okay, cool.
00:59:44.000 We're gonna be fine.
00:59:45.000 I'm in the middle of opening up a club, too.
00:59:48.000 I'm gonna light this joint right now.
00:59:49.000 Light that joint back up.
00:59:50.000 And just have a little fun.
00:59:52.000 Let's do it.
00:59:53.000 But no, it's not going anywhere.
00:59:54.000 It's the best time for comedy I can ever recall.
00:59:57.000 I got to do the Paramount last night.
00:59:59.000 Yeah, Paramount's dope.
01:00:00.000 Oh my god. 0.57
01:00:01.000 Dope, dope theater.
01:00:02.000 Really cool.
01:00:02.000 I've been trying to work that.
01:00:03.000 I tried to...
01:00:04.000 Cool people work in there too.
01:00:06.000 I tried to film my Comedy Central hour special there in 2015. Oh yeah?
01:00:09.000 Because I loved it.
01:00:10.000 I opened for Hannibal there at Moontower.
01:00:12.000 And I was like, that's the best set I've ever had.
01:00:15.000 It was the most fun on stage.
01:00:16.000 And I was like, I want to do my hour special there.
01:00:18.000 And Comedy Central was like, you can't do that many people.
01:00:22.000 And then I had to look at it and be like, all right.
01:00:25.000 Again, comedy humbled me. 1.00
01:00:26.000 They're like, all right, go to a fucking rock club, idiot. 1.00
01:00:29.000 So being able to do it last night meant a lot. 1.00
01:00:31.000 It's a dope spot.
01:00:32.000 I had Adrian Iappellucci there.
01:00:34.000 It was Josh out of Myers.
01:00:35.000 It was fun, man.
01:00:35.000 Look at you, pal.
01:00:36.000 Dude, it was like, that's why I hope comedy stays around.
01:00:39.000 It's not going anywhere, man.
01:00:40.000 It's the best. 0.99
01:00:41.000 Or we're fucked. 0.99
01:00:42.000 Thanks. 0.99
01:00:44.000 When COVID hit and they closed down everything and clubs shut down and they locked down.
01:00:51.000 It was two weeks to flatten the curve those days.
01:00:53.000 There was a moment when two weeks became a month and all the fear-mongering was being ramped up on television that I was like, okay, I have to accept this new world.
01:01:02.000 And in this new world, comedy's gone.
01:01:05.000 Okay, I had a great time, and I just let it go.
01:01:07.000 And then I thought, okay, now I just, I have to want, if this gets worse, I have to think about where I'm living, and I have to think about survival.
01:01:18.000 Like, you have to really think about actual, real survival. 0.99
01:01:20.000 The real shit. 1.00
01:01:21.000 Not like you're fucking LARPing for a movie, or you're doing a survival show where you're canning peaches. 1.00
01:01:27.000 No. 0.99
01:01:29.000 Large swaths of people could die.
01:01:30.000 If you make the wrong choice, it could be you.
01:01:32.000 Yeah.
01:01:33.000 Okay.
01:01:33.000 And that's how I felt.
01:01:35.000 And then when I realized it wasn't that, then I was like, why can't I do comedy?
01:01:38.000 Yeah.
01:01:39.000 And then I was like, this seems weird.
01:01:42.000 I think I honestly went through a very similar thing because, but what it did for me when I got to come back to do a weekend, I remember doing a weekend at St. Louis, in St. Louis Helium, and it was like the first time I'd done it in fucking nine weeks. 0.95
01:01:57.000 And I was like, it was like kissing a child. 0.98
01:01:59.000 You're like, my baby, I fucking miss you. 0.99
01:02:01.000 Let me hold your face. 0.99
01:02:02.000 It was just like, they dropped the checks?
01:02:05.000 I was like, yes, drop the checks.
01:02:06.000 Everyone do math.
01:02:08.000 Everyone do math in front of me.
01:02:09.000 We did the Houston Improv in July of 2020. It was a little early.
01:02:15.000 We were like, fuck it. 1.00
01:02:16.000 Let's just do a weekend. 1.00
01:02:17.000 We'll play it safe.
01:02:18.000 We'll get tested.
01:02:19.000 We'll go there.
01:02:19.000 We'll be smart.
01:02:20.000 We'll stay away from everybody.
01:02:21.000 We won't go to crowded places.
01:02:24.000 And so we...
01:02:26.000 We did it and then I got super duper high when I got back home.
01:02:29.000 And I thought, oh my god, what if I caught something?
01:02:31.000 What if I give it to somebody and they die?
01:02:33.000 And they die because I wanted to do stand-up.
01:02:36.000 That's such a specific feeling.
01:02:38.000 To the T, that I know exactly how you feel.
01:02:42.000 Because you get back and you go, What if?
01:02:46.000 Super high, dude.
01:02:48.000 Super duper.
01:02:48.000 We don't do that to you.
01:02:51.000 You'll have a great conversation with someone, right? 1.00
01:02:54.000 And then you'll leave and you'll get high and you'll be like, was I a fucking asshole? 1.00
01:02:58.000 What did I say? 1.00
01:02:59.000 Was I a fucking dickhead? 1.00
01:03:00.000 I wasn't even thinking about what we were talking about. 1.00
01:03:02.000 We were just in Nashville and we went over to Nate's for breakfast at his house and I left and I got high.
01:03:08.000 Got real high in my hotel room and I was like, did I not thank his wife for breakfast?
01:03:12.000 What? 1.00
01:03:13.000 It just became this thing where I was like, oh shit. 1.00
01:03:16.000 Dan didn't even thank you for breakfast. 0.99
01:03:19.000 We got him eggs and bacon and he ain't even gonna say thank you.
01:03:23.000 And I was like, I was just in my hotel room like, did I fuck that up?
01:03:26.000 But doesn't it always make you paranoid that you weren't a better person?
01:03:29.000 Because it's like weed wants you to be nice.
01:03:32.000 Yes.
01:03:32.000 Weed wants you to be a better person.
01:03:34.000 That's my favorite.
01:03:34.000 It really does.
01:03:35.000 One of my favorite old Bill Hicks jokes where he's like, It's impossible to start a fight on weed.
01:03:39.000 And he goes, hey, buddy.
01:03:40.000 Hey.
01:03:41.000 Hey, man.
01:03:44.000 It's possible, by the way. 0.99
01:03:46.000 Mike Tyson fought Roy Jones Jr. high as fuck. 0.99
01:03:49.000 Really? 0.99
01:03:50.000 Yeah.
01:03:50.000 Mike's high all day.
01:03:51.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00
01:03:52.000 But for that specific, he went and got fucking... 1.00
01:03:54.000 He gets high. 0.99
01:03:55.000 He didn't change what he does.
01:03:57.000 Do you think that, for fighters, loosens them up?
01:04:00.000 I think for Mike it's great, because Mike makes him calmer.
01:04:05.000 Do you know how quickly he would have killed that guy if he wasn't high all the time?
01:04:09.000 That's how annoying that dude was.
01:04:11.000 That high Mike Tyson smacked him. 1.00
01:04:14.000 Yeah, you got a fucking mellow Mike beating on you. 1.00
01:04:17.000 You're a real dickhead. 1.00
01:04:18.000 He's the most mellow. 1.00
01:04:19.000 He's very honest and introspective.
01:04:24.000 I love talking to him, man. 1.00
01:04:25.000 He knows a lot of shit, too. 0.99
01:04:27.000 Dude, he said the wisest thing I've ever heard in my life. 1.00
01:04:31.000 I was on Opie and Anthony right after Anthony got fired.
01:04:35.000 Opie was bringing in different comics, just hanging out.
01:04:37.000 And it was like me, Opie, and Jim, and Mike Tyson came in.
01:04:40.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
01:04:41.000 He knows them, so he says what's up to Opie and Jim, and he goes, who the fuck are you? 1.00
01:04:46.000 And I was like, oh! 1.00
01:04:48.000 Immediately in my head, I'm like, oh, fuck! 0.99
01:04:50.000 And then as the show goes on, he loosens up and loosens up, and somehow Jim and I bring something up about comedy, and I'm like, it always sucks when you're having a great set and you see a couple people that aren't enjoying it at all, which is normal, but it always kind of fucks with me, 0.99
01:05:05.000 and Mike Tyson's like, Looks at me.
01:05:07.000 He's like, I felt the same way when I used to walk to the ring and I'd see one guy booing me.
01:05:12.000 And I'm like, what did I do to you?
01:05:14.000 Why are you booing me?
01:05:15.000 And then Mike Tyson said the smartest thing I've ever heard in my life.
01:05:17.000 He goes, it's a scary neighborhood up here and you're all by yourself.
01:05:21.000 And I was like, he said that.
01:05:22.000 I go, yeah, Mike Tyson. 0.98
01:05:24.000 That was fucking awesome. 0.98
01:05:26.000 I walked out of that like I got fucking sage advice from the baddest man on the planet. 0.98
01:05:30.000 That's a great piece of advice too. 0.98
01:05:32.000 Because he's right.
01:05:33.000 It's a scary neighborhood up here and you're all by yourself. 1.00
01:05:36.000 And you're like, damn, dude. 0.99
01:05:38.000 You want to talk about doom and gloom. 0.99
01:05:42.000 That's exactly what it is.
01:05:43.000 You live and die in your mind in a lot of ways.
01:05:46.000 You really do.
01:05:48.000 I was talking about recalibrating and stuff.
01:05:51.000 I really tried to focus on calming down, having fun.
01:05:55.000 I love watching comics where you just know they're actually having fun.
01:05:59.000 Oh yeah, for sure.
01:06:01.000 Because you can watch guys that are up there and you're like, that guy's doing his act.
01:06:05.000 Right.
01:06:05.000 You can see guys that you're like...
01:06:07.000 Doesn't it suck when it's you?
01:06:08.000 When you feel it, when you feel that you're just doing your acts, you're like, oh no. 0.99
01:06:12.000 Yeah, it's a thing that I've been really actively trying to be like, don't just fucking do your jokes. 0.96
01:06:19.000 Because you're throwing, you're going at 50% when you're doing that. 0.98
01:06:22.000 Well, comedy is so strange.
01:06:23.000 And for people who don't understand what it is, like, it seems like we're just talking, right?
01:06:28.000 That's why it's so weird.
01:06:30.000 Because everybody just talks.
01:06:31.000 And everybody's funny.
01:06:33.000 Like, most people have said funny things.
01:06:34.000 I know a lot of my friends have said funny things, but they've never gone on stage.
01:06:38.000 I know funnier people in conversation that have never done comedy than comedians.
01:06:42.000 But my point is, almost everybody has said something funny and made me laugh, and I'm a professional comedian.
01:06:48.000 I'm like, ah, that's hilarious.
01:06:50.000 There's a giant difference between that and comedy.
01:06:53.000 And the difference is that comedy is like a state of mind that you achieve in sync with the audience, where it's almost like mass hypnosis.
01:07:01.000 And the audience is like, when someone's a great comic, like if Chris Rock's on stage, I give in to their thinking.
01:07:07.000 I just go like, tell me what's going down.
01:07:11.000 I'm not saying, what would I have done?
01:07:13.000 That doesn't seem wise.
01:07:15.000 Yeah, you're following their thought process.
01:07:16.000 I'm thinking like them.
01:07:17.000 I'm on their frequency.
01:07:18.000 They take you on a frequency.
01:07:20.000 And when they capture you and they're killing, you're thinking like they're thinking.
01:07:23.000 And it's amazing.
01:07:25.000 It's different than people think it is.
01:07:27.000 It's fun to watch like a Louis or Bill Burr and you sit in the back and you watch and they just like how fast but calm and slow they're able to be like, boom, got you, here we go.
01:07:40.000 Like Colin Quinn's new hour. 0.97
01:07:43.000 Colin's fucking amazing. 0.99
01:07:45.000 Dude, Colin is one of the most underrated comedians of all time because he's so fucking good. 0.98
01:07:51.000 I might say he's my top guy, him and Attell.
01:07:54.000 I think Colin Quinn and Dave Attell are the pillars of New York City comedy.
01:08:01.000 I would agree.
01:08:02.000 I would agree.
01:08:02.000 They're both amazing.
01:08:03.000 I think from Colin and Dave you get all the rest of it.
01:08:06.000 Yeah, Dave is another one.
01:08:07.000 You must see him if he's near you.
01:08:09.000 He's a master.
01:08:10.000 One of the highest levels you'll ever see a stand-up.
01:08:13.000 He's that good.
01:08:14.000 Which is so tight.
01:08:15.000 He's just great.
01:08:16.000 It's just polished professional, man.
01:08:17.000 He's just so good.
01:08:18.000 But Colin, you're talking about being on their frequency.
01:08:22.000 When you go watch it, you can go watch a New York story on Netflix where he explains all the races and people coming over to New York.
01:08:30.000 But when you get in his mindset, you're like, dude, this is so good. 0.99
01:08:34.000 It's funny as shit. 0.98
01:08:36.000 He's taking you on a thought journey. 0.99
01:08:38.000 You lock into his frequency.
01:08:40.000 I went out and got tickets and went and saw a show.
01:08:44.000 You become deadened for comedy when you do it long enough.
01:08:48.000 Again, you're like, I'll go down to the butcher and get you some sausage.
01:08:52.000 It's still good, but to go out and have it and to watch that new hour. 0.95
01:08:55.000 Again, I know Colin, but I was excited to see that hour and be like, damn, dude, he's got this bit, this bit. 0.99
01:09:02.000 You want to leave being like, fuck, I've got to go get better. 0.99
01:09:05.000 That's the beautiful thing about inspiration. 0.99
01:09:07.000 When you see someone who's really good, it actually gives you energy.
01:09:11.000 It fuels you.
01:09:13.000 I saw Colin.
01:09:14.000 I was one of the guests on Tough Crowd.
01:09:19.000 I was one of the guests on Tough Crowd.
01:09:21.000 But the best part of the show was Colin doing stand-up to the audience.
01:09:26.000 He did his own warm-up?
01:09:27.000 He did his own warm-up.
01:09:28.000 I don't know if he did it all the time, but he definitely did it the time I saw him. 0.69
01:09:31.000 Yeah, so he goes out there I don't remember if there was another comedian if somebody warmed it up and then brought up Colin I don't remember but I remember Colin Casually walk around the set fucking murdering I mean Murdering yeah to the point where I was like oh my god.
01:09:46.000 This is so tight this stuff so good Yeah, it's like goddamn like this sucks like that what we're doing is funny But it's not as funny as this yeah like we're like the audience is seeing a thing That's better than this guy is known for being famous for yeah I mean, everybody knew he was a funny comic,
01:10:02.000 but I'm telling you, the act was so good. 0.97
01:10:04.000 I'm like, this guy should be filling stadiums.
01:10:06.000 It's that good.
01:10:07.000 That's a great way of putting it, because you see these jokes.
01:10:10.000 He has throwaway lines, and same with the tell. 0.98
01:10:13.000 These throwaway jokes that you're like, Dude, you know how many comics would fucking kill for that? 0.91
01:10:17.000 Back in 2008, when it was McCain and Obama, I saw Colin at the cellar just have this throwaway line where he's like, eh, John McCain really smiles like a father that's about to become violent. 0.96
01:10:27.000 And they're like, that's so funny. 0.99
01:10:29.000 And then in 2016, he said like- With his fucking delivery! 0.99
01:10:33.000 Yeah, and he's like, uh-huh. 1.00
01:10:34.000 He's like, Hillary, her campaign speeches have the authenticity of a lap dance.
01:10:38.000 And you're like, it's just like these- It's like these jokes that just are so in time.
01:10:43.000 But when you see it live.
01:10:45.000 Ah, it's the best.
01:10:46.000 See, I want to be real clear about this, because he was a great host of Tough Crowd.
01:10:51.000 It was a great show.
01:10:51.000 It was very funny.
01:10:52.000 Yeah, I think it inspired my entire generation.
01:10:54.000 His stand-up that night was so funny that I was like, why aren't they just showing that?
01:10:59.000 Yeah, put that on.
01:11:00.000 Put that on.
01:11:00.000 I mean, and then, you know, what I loved is seeing Colin, living in New York, you get to, like, watch him workshop it, right?
01:11:07.000 But I don't do that.
01:11:08.000 When I see, like, Colin will do it at the Fat Black Pussycat, he'll run it on Monday nights, like, he'll build his new hour, and I, like, wait.
01:11:15.000 And I kind of am like, how far, like, I'll see him, and I'll be like, how far along?
01:11:18.000 You know, he's like, eh, it's getting there.
01:11:19.000 And then you, like, kind of wait, and then, because then you go see it, and it's like, this is worth the wait.
01:11:22.000 This is incredible.
01:11:24.000 Just, it's fun.
01:11:25.000 I love, I still have that thing about comedy where, I love watching it.
01:11:30.000 I love watching really good comedy.
01:11:32.000 You're never gonna lose it. 0.59
01:11:33.000 You're not dumb. 0.98
01:11:34.000 Yeah. 0.86
01:11:34.000 It's fun. 0.86
01:11:35.000 It's the reason why you got into it in the first place is because you liked watching comedy.
01:11:38.000 Yeah.
01:11:39.000 It was like, dude, when I moved to New York, that feeling of going...
01:11:42.000 Did you have that when you did Boston, LA? But Boston was big.
01:11:45.000 That was a big comedy city.
01:11:46.000 It was a good scene.
01:11:47.000 It was a super lucky scene.
01:11:49.000 Like when I came along in 1988 is when I started.
01:11:52.000 August 27th, 1988. We all have our launch date.
01:11:55.000 Yeah, we all have our launch date.
01:11:56.000 There was five clubs in this one small area.
01:12:00.000 Yeah, there's a great...
01:12:01.000 I watched that documentary when stand-up stood out.
01:12:03.000 It's a great documentary.
01:12:04.000 Great.
01:12:04.000 Yeah, Fran Salamita made it.
01:12:06.000 He's a guy who's from that area, so he knew the whole story, and he got great footage, and it was a really special time.
01:12:12.000 But that was before me, honestly.
01:12:13.000 I rode the wave after those guys.
01:12:16.000 Those guys like the Lenny Clarks and the Steve Sweenys, they were murderers when I was an open-miker.
01:12:22.000 They were headliners.
01:12:23.000 They were like the previous generation, and they were as good as anybody in the country, man. 0.97
01:12:28.000 When I moved to New York and became friends with Joe List, he's like the prince of Boston, so he was giving me so much fucking propaganda films. 0.96
01:12:36.000 He's like, fucking Boston's the best! 0.98
01:12:38.000 Everyone's Good's from Boston! 0.99
01:12:40.000 He always would get drunk, he'd say that, but he would show that documentary, and I saw that documentary, and I was like, man, that's such a...
01:12:46.000 What a great scene to start in.
01:12:47.000 Because you're seeing tried and true killers.
01:12:51.000 And also, you're amongst a lot of other good young comics.
01:12:56.000 It's understating.
01:12:57.000 I'm telling you.
01:12:58.000 They were the best comics in the world.
01:13:00.000 They were that good. 0.98
01:13:01.000 The audiences in Boston, especially in the 80s and the early 90s, they didn't have room for any bullshit. 0.98
01:13:10.000 These guys were rapid fire punchline machines. 0.68
01:13:13.000 They were some of the best comics in the world.
01:13:16.000 A lot of their comedy was like local comedy and a lot of their comedy was about like local stuff.
01:13:22.000 I always can bury you.
01:13:24.000 And it didn't work on the road at all.
01:13:26.000 Yeah.
01:13:26.000 It didn't work on the road at all.
01:13:27.000 You do Boston jokes in LA, they don't give a fuck about you. 0.99
01:13:30.000 They don't give a fuck about what you're saying. 0.99
01:13:32.000 You don't get all the juice that's attached. 0.96
01:13:34.000 If you're doing a local joke, just extra juice that's attached to that subject because everybody knows what you're talking about.
01:13:40.000 It's a thing.
01:13:41.000 That's what Tim Dillon and I jokingly refer to as the Long Island trap.
01:13:46.000 You go out there to work and you got a guy who's like real big in Long Island.
01:13:50.000 He's like, guess what?
01:13:51.000 I'm throwing out three wrong concomos and I'm burying you. 1.00
01:13:55.000 I'm burying your bitch ass, city boy. 1.00
01:13:58.000 It's a fucking fight. 1.00
01:14:00.000 It's a real thing. 1.00
01:14:00.000 It's a real thing. 1.00
01:14:01.000 Because then you go up there and you're like, you look almost disrespectful.
01:14:04.000 You're like, I don't know. 0.99
01:14:04.000 I don't know what your fucking people do here. 0.99
01:14:06.000 And they're like, you don't know Ron Conk, come on. 1.00
01:14:08.000 Oh, bro.
01:14:09.000 First off, I'm out from Long Beach. 1.00
01:14:11.000 And that's just fucking bullshit, bro. 1.00
01:14:13.000 And you're like, fuck, I don't know, dude. 1.00
01:14:15.000 They get really vocal. 1.00
01:14:17.000 I used to fucking, I would bring, Tim would feature for me. 0.97
01:14:21.000 But, you know, I would take him to Long Island and he'd be like, Why do I gotta go to Long Island? 0.97
01:14:27.000 You take Gary Vita to Denver, but you take me to Long Island.
01:14:30.000 So I took him to Comedy Works.
01:14:32.000 This was right before he started headlining.
01:14:33.000 I was like, dude, come to Comedy Works.
01:14:35.000 It was amazing, but he was the Long Island whisperer.
01:14:39.000 You would take him out there, and you'd fucking shout him down like a lion tamer, and then you'd go up and be like, I'm gonna do my act. 0.60
01:14:44.000 That's awesome. 0.98
01:14:45.000 He'd clear the brush in Long Island. 1.00
01:14:48.000 Fuck, this is great. 1.00
01:14:49.000 And that's also like... 1.00
01:14:51.000 When I'd go on the road with Shane, you would see like him in like an Albany or like a fucking Boston. 0.97
01:14:58.000 He's just good luck. 0.97
01:14:59.000 Good luck following him.
01:15:00.000 Good luck following Shane anywhere.
01:15:02.000 I mean now, absolutely. 0.98
01:15:03.000 Bro, Shane, that fucking Trump thing, when he closes with this Trump impression, and he can do it, he does it to a T. I'm telling you right now, I don't want to give it away, but his Navy Seals bit and his George Washington bit are things that you watch as a comic and you walk away and you're like, 0.99
01:15:20.000 I gotta go work. 1.00
01:15:21.000 He's great.
01:15:22.000 That's the thing.
01:15:23.000 That's what I love about...
01:15:24.000 Norman's got jokes like that.
01:15:25.000 I'll watch Norman and he'll just...
01:15:26.000 Or Sam Marill. 1.00
01:15:27.000 Sam Marill, you'll see him do a new 15 minutes and you're like, what the fuck, dude? 0.98
01:15:32.000 I thought, well, who's doing all this work? 0.98
01:15:34.000 I thought we're gonna work at the same pace.
01:15:37.000 Stop it! 0.99
01:15:38.000 I have one new tag from a bit I've been doing for six months.
01:15:41.000 And he comes in with a fully... 0.99
01:15:42.000 And that's what's fun is to come up with those guys and then become contemporaries with them where you're like, damn, dude, I love seeing his new shit. 0.98
01:15:49.000 Or just, you know, people do jokes where you're like... 0.87
01:15:53.000 Yeah, well that's what's inspirational about those places like if you're in New York I guess it's like the cellar and the stand is the store in LA and when you when you can be around and in Boston it was Nick's Comedy Stop and Stitches those were the two clubs that I got to see all these Boston legends.
01:16:10.000 Yeah, I got to do Nick's coming up.
01:16:12.000 Nick's was great.
01:16:13.000 Nick's would uh when I was coming up It was in a dance club Oh yeah, downstairs was a dance club.
01:16:18.000 And they would boot you, no matter what.
01:16:21.000 The show had to be over at 9, because they had to turn it into a dance club.
01:16:24.000 Oh! 0.60
01:16:24.000 And you go from feeling so cool as a comedian to being in the way instantly. 0.60
01:16:29.000 What year was this?
01:16:31.000 2007 through 2011. Oh, wow.
01:16:34.000 So it was like- So the upstairs was a dance club?
01:16:37.000 They converted the upstairs to a dance?
01:16:39.000 Yeah, it was down in the theater district.
01:16:41.000 Oh no, I worked there a ton of times.
01:16:43.000 Oh yeah, so the big stairs, you go upstairs to the big stairs and then out was like, in the sunken middle was where the audience would sit and you would be all the way against the back wall with the bar behind you.
01:16:53.000 Right, exactly.
01:16:54.000 At 9 o'clock.
01:16:56.000 Wow.
01:16:56.000 Cut the mic.
01:16:57.000 Everybody out.
01:16:58.000 They just grab all the tables and chairs and it becomes a dance club? 0.80
01:17:01.000 They're like, get the fuck out of here. 0.98
01:17:02.000 And you know, first time I'm like, one of the first times working it, I have like a good set. 0.95
01:17:05.000 And I'm like, hey, let me get another shot. 0.99
01:17:07.000 And the guy's like, get the fuck out of here. 0.87
01:17:09.000 And you're like, just a second ago, you were comping me drinks a second ago. 0.98
01:17:13.000 And they're like, get out of here.
01:17:14.000 And then all the Boston guys know. 0.98
01:17:15.000 So like Joe List or Dan Bolger or Tom Dustin's like, come on, we gotta fucking go. 1.00
01:17:19.000 And you're like, shit. 1.00
01:17:20.000 Shit. 1.00
01:17:21.000 It just goes from being special to being like, you fucking vagrant. 1.00
01:17:25.000 They used to have three comedy rooms simultaneously running in that club. 0.99
01:17:29.000 I mean, yeah, that's what's crazy about this.
01:17:30.000 It was the upstairs.
01:17:31.000 That was the regular club.
01:17:33.000 And then they had a smaller room that was downstairs. 0.99
01:17:35.000 And then they had this gigantic fucking disco. 0.99
01:17:38.000 They only did the disco a few times. 0.99
01:17:40.000 I wonder if the disco was where...
01:17:42.000 That's the downstairs.
01:17:43.000 Okay, yeah, we didn't do that. 0.83
01:17:45.000 It was a gay club.
01:17:46.000 It was like a gay nightclub, and I think they went under, or maybe they became a gay club again, but it was like a guy's hookup joint. 0.89
01:17:53.000 Yeah, so they really want you out of there. 1.00
01:17:55.000 They're like, get the fuck out of here, come on. 0.92
01:17:56.000 I don't remember when Nix had it, if there was like, maybe someone lost a lease or something, and they had it for a little while, but during the comedy, the point is that during the comedy boom, It was so great that they were running simultaneous shows with all these killers, and they were just sold out all the time. 0.91
01:18:12.000 So they were running these shows where you'd have like Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, boom, boom, boom, Mike Donovan.
01:18:19.000 These guys were murderers, man. 1.00
01:18:21.000 Don Gavin was a fucking murderer. 1.00
01:18:24.000 Steve Sweeney was a murderer. 1.00
01:18:25.000 You didn't want to be in the room. 0.98
01:18:28.000 You would get hypnotized.
01:18:29.000 And you would think that you're about to die going on after those guys.
01:18:33.000 No one's going to survive this.
01:18:35.000 There's that scene when stand-up stood out when Lenny Clark talks about, like, I opened Stitches, I went down to Nick's, closed that, opened that show.
01:18:42.000 And he's talking about all the money and the blow and everything. 0.98
01:18:44.000 And you're like, look at that fucking go. 0.99
01:18:47.000 Lenny's the best. 1.00
01:18:48.000 The seller got...
01:18:51.000 They're working like four rooms where you go do the Fat Black and then you can go do the Village Underground, walk around the corner, do the original room.
01:18:58.000 And it's like the store had that with the belly room. 0.96
01:19:00.000 It's like when you're in a comedy club and there's three rooms working, you're like, this is fucking cool.
01:19:04.000 This is cool, especially if you're a regular at the club.
01:19:06.000 You can jump on at a couple shows.
01:19:08.000 Yeah, the store was always awesome like that because there was belly room shows you could do, the OR, the main room.
01:19:13.000 Yeah, whenever I visited, because I haven't spent a lot of time in LA, I noticed that the store really is...
01:19:20.000 Almost built for that.
01:19:21.000 Like the way the hallway all converges and you're like, that room, that room, that room.
01:19:25.000 But the cellar was great because once, you know, the cellar was just that small room.
01:19:29.000 And then they opened the Village Underground and then boom, go up top and then you could just go and be like, I got four spots to stand.
01:19:36.000 They had one room and then they moved to a new place with two rooms.
01:19:38.000 You're like, this is fun.
01:19:39.000 Did you ever read any Malcolm Gladwell?
01:19:43.000 Did you ever read Outliers?
01:19:46.000 No, but I did read Blink.
01:19:48.000 Did I say Gladwell?
01:19:48.000 How did I say it?
01:19:49.000 I think you got it.
01:19:50.000 That's how high I am.
01:19:51.000 Not sure if I said his name right.
01:19:52.000 No, I think you got a Malcolm Gladwell.
01:19:54.000 Yeah, his Outliers is fucking incredible and they talk about the Beatles and the Beatles when they were in Germany when they were playing eight hours a day and They were just playing constantly.
01:20:05.000 Nonstop. 0.88
01:20:06.000 And they came back to England afterwards, and they were just a way better band.
01:20:09.000 They were way better.
01:20:10.000 Well, you know, his theory is the 10,000 hours.
01:20:13.000 But it's just...
01:20:14.000 There's a great book called Talent is Overrated.
01:20:18.000 And what the guy does is he basically builds off...
01:20:21.000 He builds with Gladwell's theory to be like, time is very important, but applied practice is more important.
01:20:27.000 So making your shortcomings strong.
01:20:30.000 He gives examples of violinists, pianists, chess players, people that have to do repetitions.
01:20:37.000 And he talks about Jerry Rice on the 49ers and about how he would do those hand clamps.
01:20:42.000 He'd just walk around with the hand clamps and people are like...
01:20:44.000 What are you doing?
01:20:45.000 He's like, I'm strengthening my hands so that when a ball gets thrown, I have stronger hands than the guy trying to take it from me.
01:20:51.000 So he would work meticulously.
01:20:53.000 Tiger Woods with his backswing.
01:20:54.000 His dad would hit him with an air horn.
01:20:58.000 So now when it happens, it's just all natural.
01:21:00.000 It's a great book because the guy really says if you spend 45 minutes a day Working on applied practice and making your shortcomings your strengths, that's how you build everything up.
01:21:12.000 Like, all together.
01:21:13.000 You just raise the whole thing.
01:21:14.000 For people, it's just hard to get going.
01:21:16.000 Yeah, absolutely.
01:21:18.000 Once you get good habits and good practices, it feels normal to keep them up.
01:21:22.000 It's just hard to get going. 0.93
01:21:23.000 I mean that's almost exactly what we're talking about with the road where it's like I got into doing that and like working that and then when it went away and I came back I was like fuck dude I gotta get back up to doing it.
01:21:35.000 Get back up to getting that energy. 0.69
01:21:38.000 Comedy is a strange thing, man, because you're never done with it.
01:21:42.000 It's never like...
01:21:43.000 Oh, yeah, and it changes.
01:21:44.000 Yeah, I would imagine if you play guitar, I don't know, I'm just guessing, but imagine you get to a level.
01:21:51.000 Like, can Gary Clark Jr. get better?
01:21:53.000 He can't get better.
01:21:54.000 I think he can do new stuff, and I think he can, like...
01:21:57.000 He's gonna create new songs, but he's not gonna get better at playing the actual guitar.
01:22:01.000 You're saying like the actual hitting chords.
01:22:04.000 Is it possible?
01:22:05.000 Probably. 0.99
01:22:05.000 I wonder what Clapton thinks about shit like that, because he's been like... 0.99
01:22:09.000 I mean, it makes sense. 0.99
01:22:09.000 You get better at everything, right? 0.99
01:22:11.000 Yeah, so I'm sure there's like ways Keith Richards plays now.
01:22:14.000 Right.
01:22:15.000 That he didn't in the 70s or 80s. 0.95
01:22:17.000 There's a thing about guitar, and I don't know jack shit about music. 0.79
01:22:20.000 Yeah, me either. 0.81
01:22:20.000 I'm just going to say this right away. 0.81
01:22:22.000 But certain people, when they play it, I know it's them.
01:22:26.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:22:27.000 Yeah.
01:22:27.000 They're like Stevie Ray Vaughan.
01:22:28.000 Yeah.
01:22:28.000 Classic example.
01:22:30.000 Like, you hear Stevie Ray Vaughan play guitar, and you're pretty sure that's Stevie Ray Vaughan.
01:22:34.000 Jimi Hendrix, you hear like...
01:22:36.000 Gary Clark.
01:22:36.000 Gary Clark Jr., same thing.
01:22:38.000 You hear him play.
01:22:39.000 They did a cover of Midnight Rider.
01:22:41.000 It was Honey Honey and Gary Clark Jr. They did an impromptu cover.
01:22:45.000 So impromptu that Suzanne from Honey Honey is reading the lyrics off her phone.
01:22:50.000 She had to Google the lyrics right before they sang the song.
01:22:54.000 So she gets the lyrics on her phone.
01:22:55.000 She's singing Midnight Rider.
01:22:57.000 And Gary Clark Jr. is playing guitar, but he did it like a Gary Clark Jr. versus the Midnight Rider.
01:23:02.000 Immediately on the spot. 1.00
01:23:03.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
01:23:05.000 Yeah, that's some crazy shit when someone can make it dares almost instantaneously and kind of put that like You know dude, is that still up? 1.00
01:23:13.000 That's on my Instagram, right? 0.98
01:23:15.000 You need to see this I put a little video of it on the Instagram You need to see it because it's like so indicative of what we're talking about It's like when he starts playing it you fucking know that's him If you if you if someone played that for you and said who is this?
01:23:29.000 Yeah, you got Gary Clark jr. Yeah, like and it but it's a guitar With someone like him, who's just from a very young age, incredible at a thing, incredible at an instrument, what do you think the coolest phase of that is as you're getting better?
01:23:43.000 What do you think the coolest, if you could cut a slice of cake out of that?
01:23:46.000 I think it's probably the early days.
01:23:48.000 Like when you're like this, where you're like, oh, I can go like this?
01:23:51.000 Yeah, I think the early days, when you first started getting really good, it would probably be the most magical.
01:23:56.000 But I thought it would be awesome to be this, though. 0.99
01:23:58.000 Listen to this shit, man. 1.00
01:24:05.000 Come on, son. 1.00
01:24:06.000 This is Midnight on a Tuesday.
01:24:17.000 Right?
01:24:17.000 I mean, you know who that is.
01:24:19.000 Have you heard that?
01:24:21.000 If you heard that, you'd be like, that's Gary Clark.
01:24:23.000 I've never heard this, and it's immediately... 0.98
01:24:25.000 It's fucking incredible, dude. 0.93
01:24:27.000 Dude, it's one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. 0.99
01:24:30.000 But how goddamn good is he? 0.90
01:24:33.000 You also watch it, and I know exactly... 0.98
01:24:36.000 He's just so fucking cool, too. 0.80
01:24:39.000 Like, look at him up there with a hat and a leather jacket. 0.92
01:24:41.000 That's what I mean.
01:24:42.000 I think of myself missing and being like... 0.94
01:24:44.000 Goddamn, that's good.
01:24:50.000 So I think what you were saying, can he get better? 0.91
01:24:53.000 I think he takes more risks now because he knows he can land them, you know?
01:24:59.000 Like trying to do that or soloing on that, the ability to solo them just riffing or whatever has got to be like, when you're that good, it's like dunking in the NBA. You want to see some crazy shit? 0.99
01:25:11.000 And you can try, and you probably have more momentum to try that. 0.99
01:25:14.000 Well, I know Gary, and he is super dedicated to music.
01:25:18.000 It's another thing.
01:25:19.000 It's like, you don't get to be like that.
01:25:22.000 He's constantly in the studio.
01:25:24.000 He's constantly practicing.
01:25:26.000 He has to be an obsession.
01:25:27.000 Constantly.
01:25:28.000 I mean, as famous as he is for music, that guy's all in.
01:25:33.000 You don't get that good without that.
01:25:36.000 You have talent, for sure.
01:25:37.000 There's people that are just geniusly creative through whatever weird quirk of their personality.
01:25:42.000 They're really creative.
01:25:43.000 Yeah, they're bent right.
01:25:44.000 But when you get to a certain level, like a Dave Attell, like a certain level of proficiency, you only get that way through work.
01:25:51.000 Dave is constantly working.
01:25:52.000 Yeah, he's running jokes.
01:25:53.000 I remember after, I think it was after the Boston Marathon bombing.
01:25:57.000 I was outside smoking a cigarette at the cellar and Attell walked up and was like, how many bombing jokes do you have?
01:26:02.000 And I was like, none.
01:26:04.000 And he was like, come on!
01:26:05.000 And I was like, none.
01:26:07.000 And he's like, I've got four.
01:26:08.000 And he walked downstairs and was like, dude, my favorite David Attell story is he loves to run bits to see if anyone else is doing them.
01:26:16.000 Because that's how original he is.
01:26:17.000 He's like, I want to make sure no one else is doing this joke.
01:26:19.000 So he'll call comics And then be like, have you heard this premise?
01:26:24.000 Have you heard anyone use this premise?
01:26:25.000 Right.
01:26:26.000 So I lived with Mike Vecchione for 10 years.
01:26:28.000 Mike Vecchione, one of the best comics in New York.
01:26:31.000 Just absolutely hilarious.
01:26:32.000 And Attell would call Vecchione, because they're buddies, and just talk.
01:26:35.000 But he'd run jokes.
01:26:36.000 Oh, wow.
01:26:37.000 So one time I'm in San Francisco, and Vecchione calls me.
01:26:40.000 He goes, hey, I'm busy.
01:26:42.000 Attell's gonna call you to run bits.
01:26:44.000 And it was like...
01:26:46.000 Like, cold water breathing?
01:26:47.000 You're like, okay.
01:26:48.000 Okay, cool. 1.00
01:26:49.000 Fucking, yeah. 0.99
01:26:49.000 Have him call me. 0.99
01:26:50.000 Have him call me.
01:26:51.000 And I get, it's a block number, and I pick it up, you know, and I'm like, hello?
01:26:56.000 And he's like, Dan, Dave Attell.
01:26:59.000 Have you ever heard anybody do this joke?
01:27:01.000 Bop, bop, [... 0.99
01:27:02.000 Fucking 20 of them. 0.99
01:27:04.000 And I go, actually, you know, for the serial one, you could tag. 0.99
01:27:08.000 He goes, not looking for tags.
01:27:10.000 And I go, oh.
01:27:12.000 Yeah, I haven't heard anybody do that.
01:27:13.000 He goes, okay, thank you, and hung up. 1.00
01:27:14.000 And I was like, fuck, fuck. 1.00
01:27:16.000 And then I get high, and I'm like, oh, fuck, dude. 1.00
01:27:18.000 Oh, fuck, I tried to give David Tell a tag. 1.00
01:27:20.000 I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00
01:27:21.000 And I called Vicki Owen like an emergency. 1.00
01:27:23.000 Like, dude, is he going to be mad at me?
01:27:25.000 And he's like, no, just he might not ever call you again.
01:27:28.000 It's just one of those things you don't know what to say.
01:27:30.000 Yeah.
01:27:31.000 It's like Gary Clark Jr. being like, does this A sound right?
01:27:35.000 Well, it's like if your friend called you and told you a bit, you'd offer him a tag.
01:27:39.000 So you just did what you normally would do.
01:27:41.000 That's what I did.
01:27:42.000 If Becky Owen would call me, I'd be like, I'd say this.
01:27:44.000 You're like, what if I die?
01:27:46.000 In the way Attell talks, him just going, not looking for tags.
01:27:50.000 I was like, I'm surprised he didn't crush my phone in my hand.
01:27:54.000 Yeah, I was mortified.
01:27:55.000 And then he called me again and I knew.
01:27:58.000 Like, you don't need to get taught that lesson twice.
01:28:01.000 The second time he called me, I was just like, nope, I haven't heard anybody do that.
01:28:04.000 And he's like, okay.
01:28:06.000 And we're out.
01:28:07.000 Okay.
01:28:08.000 All right.
01:28:08.000 I'm a reliable source again.
01:28:10.000 He hangs up.
01:28:10.000 I'm like, I just put my phone down.
01:28:12.000 Just fucking paranoid. 0.99
01:28:13.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:28:15.000 Because when your friends call, they're like, hey, I do this.
01:28:17.000 You'd be like, what about this?
01:28:20.000 Say this.
01:28:21.000 Right.
01:28:22.000 I'm not going to tell a guy that's done the 10,000 hours.
01:28:24.000 Also, they're probably great bits.
01:28:26.000 Oh, man.
01:28:26.000 Two of them.
01:28:27.000 He never has duds.
01:28:28.000 It's very rare that one doesn't.
01:28:30.000 Maybe he's trying to figure it out still.
01:28:33.000 Yeah, and it's also, if he goes on stage at the cellar, he's like Miles Davis.
01:28:36.000 If you kind of know he's going to come in sideways, you're like, this is going to be interesting.
01:28:39.000 If he's wearing his black leather gloves and his hat and he's drinking his coffee, it's going to be a weird set.
01:28:44.000 I knew drinking Dave.
01:28:47.000 I talked to Jay about that on the bonfire.
01:28:49.000 I'm obsessed with that because Jay opened for Dave while he was drinking and then right after he stopped drinking.
01:28:55.000 Well, he's one of the best examples of a guy who got way better when he stopped drinking.
01:29:00.000 He got way better.
01:29:01.000 I mean, he was always great.
01:29:02.000 He was always a very funny comic. 0.99
01:29:04.000 But he was doing that show, that late show, what the fuck is that called? 0.99
01:29:08.000 Insomniac. 0.99
01:29:08.000 Insomniac, that's right. 0.99
01:29:09.000 That show was doing him in because he was getting hammered with people all over the place and he was showing up at bars and drinking and it was part of the gig of the show.
01:29:20.000 It was part of the cell. 0.97
01:29:21.000 Drink with people, and then he would go out and, like, fucking shoot nutrias with people, you know? 0.99
01:29:25.000 I remember that, when he went down to New Orleans and they shot all those rats. 0.99
01:29:28.000 Yeah, those giant...
01:29:29.000 They're nutrias.
01:29:30.000 You ever seen one of those in real life?
01:29:31.000 Uh-uh. 1.00
01:29:32.000 You're like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:29:33.000 They're invasive. 1.00
01:29:34.000 They're a giant, invasive rodent.
01:29:36.000 I think it's from...
01:29:38.000 From Asia or Europe?
01:29:41.000 Where's a nutria from?
01:29:42.000 I don't know.
01:29:42.000 Maybe it might even be South American.
01:29:44.000 But they're fucking giant, dude. 1.00
01:29:46.000 Like this big. 1.00
01:29:47.000 Like a small dog.
01:29:49.000 Like the rats in Princess Bride?
01:29:51.000 Oh, bigger.
01:29:52.000 Let me see if you can get what a nutria looks like.
01:29:54.000 I think they get to like 40 or 50 pounds.
01:29:56.000 I just remember Dave shooting at him in an insomniac.
01:29:59.000 Yeah.
01:29:59.000 He like did.
01:30:00.000 He got killed at a club and then went out and did.
01:30:03.000 They hunt them.
01:30:04.000 They have to go out at night and hunt them.
01:30:06.000 So when you say they're invasive... 1.00
01:30:07.000 Somebody brought them over here and they started fucking. 0.99
01:30:09.000 Oh, I thought you meant like they bust into your house and shit like that. 1.00
01:30:12.000 No, they're like wild pigs. 1.00
01:30:14.000 Wild pigs are also an invasive species.
01:30:16.000 They're not native to North America.
01:30:18.000 The guy doing that...
01:30:20.000 Gotta have a smirk the whole time. 0.99
01:30:21.000 He's like, I'm bringing over some shit. 0.99
01:30:23.000 They didn't know what they were doing back then. 1.00
01:30:25.000 I was saying like, you bring those kind of rats over here and you're like, you guys want to see some crazy shit? 1.00
01:30:29.000 I'm bringing some crazy shit over here. 1.00
01:30:31.000 Imagine if you were that diabolical. 1.00
01:30:33.000 Look at that, dude. 1.00
01:30:33.000 Look at the size of that fucking thing. 1.00
01:30:34.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:30:35.000 Yeah, they're giant.
01:30:36.000 I mean, it's like a small dog, right?
01:30:38.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00
01:30:39.000 Daddy's fucking massive. 0.99
01:30:40.000 And they're all over the place. 0.99
01:30:41.000 So funny, though. 1.00
01:30:42.000 Look at the size of that fucker. 1.00
01:30:43.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:30:44.000 Because they're like two inches away from beavers who are just adorable. 0.99
01:30:47.000 Adorable.
01:30:48.000 Well, that's like rats and squirrels, right?
01:30:50.000 Yeah, squirrels. 0.99
01:30:51.000 Squirrels and rats are fucking pretty close in size and shape. 0.99
01:30:54.000 They just don't have a blowout. 0.98
01:30:55.000 It's that cool tail.
01:30:58.000 The tail that shows emotion and stuff. 1.00
01:31:02.000 But rats just have that fucking... 1.00
01:31:04.000 They got fucked in the tail department. 1.00
01:31:06.000 Yeah, there it is, dude. 1.00
01:31:07.000 Yeah, Insomniac with Dave Attell shooting at Nutrius.
01:31:09.000 And, Jamie, where did Nutrius come from?
01:31:14.000 Dude, I loved it.
01:31:16.000 They brought him over somehow or another and didn't understand what was happening. 0.98
01:31:19.000 It's gotta be the biggest mindfuck the first time you see that. 0.99
01:31:24.000 You go, dude, I think the rats are hitting the gym. 0.99
01:31:26.000 Something's up. 1.00
01:31:26.000 They're coming out fucking big and mean. 1.00
01:31:28.000 The first time someone saw one. 0.99
01:31:29.000 Just it coming out and being like, what's up?
01:31:31.000 I remember the first time I saw a muscly pit bull. 0.99
01:31:33.000 The first time you're like, what the fuck is that then? 0.99
01:31:36.000 The ones they're breeding now, they look like cartoons. 0.99
01:31:38.000 Yeah, they walk around like Schwarzenegger in the Olympia days.
01:31:41.000 You know guys exercise them?
01:31:43.000 How do you...
01:31:43.000 Do they do like a...
01:31:44.000 No, you have a fucking treadmill. 1.00
01:31:46.000 They have Pitbull treadmills. 1.00
01:31:48.000 I'm not bullshitting you.
01:31:49.000 They have GameDog treadmills.
01:31:50.000 And these GameDog treadmills are like...
01:31:52.000 Have you ever used one of them CrossFit...
01:31:54.000 Like I have one called the Air Runner. 1.00
01:31:55.000 It's the shit. 0.99
01:31:56.000 It's a self-propelled treadmill. 1.00
01:31:58.000 So the more you push off it...
01:31:59.000 Right.
01:32:00.000 No, you're pushing off of it.
01:32:01.000 It's not moving on its own.
01:32:02.000 Yeah.
01:32:03.000 So it's got a slope to it.
01:32:04.000 And I think it's something like 10% or 15% harder than just regular running.
01:32:10.000 So it actually is better for you. 0.99
01:32:11.000 Oh, so it's a double fuck that for me. 0.99
01:32:13.000 It's more difficult than regular running. 0.99
01:32:14.000 Yeah.
01:32:15.000 But that's what they do with these pit bulls. 1.00
01:32:16.000 They put them on these self-propelling treadmills. 1.00
01:32:18.000 And they're just like, fuck it. 1.00
01:32:19.000 And they're just fucking going after it. 1.00
01:32:21.000 Or they put them on ones where they make them keep up with the treadmill. 0.99
01:32:25.000 Like they have a motor treadmill going.
01:32:28.000 But they work them out, man.
01:32:29.000 They have them pull stuff.
01:32:30.000 They put things in their mouth and have them pull stuff.
01:32:33.000 They just become Magnus Vermagnuson.
01:32:34.000 They just become these world's strongest men.
01:32:36.000 If it works for a person, it would work for a dog.
01:32:40.000 That's so funny to be a dog, like an actual trainer, and you're like, I'll get your dog jacked.
01:32:45.000 Show up. 1.00
01:32:45.000 They're fucking amazing dogs. 1.00
01:32:48.000 They really are. 1.00
01:32:49.000 If they didn't like to fight other dogs so much, they'd be like the best dog.
01:32:52.000 But they want to fight other dogs, man.
01:32:54.000 If you weren't just so violent, taking my dog to the dog park and watching a dog that you know is going to be a problem, especially on New York City, those dog parks are like prison yards. 1.00
01:33:04.000 You don't know who the fuck- But here it is. 0.99
01:33:05.000 This is one of the Pitbull treadmills. 0.99
01:33:09.000 He's like, come on, don't make me work.
01:33:11.000 Okay, I'll go.
01:33:12.000 I think he wants it.
01:33:13.000 Oh, yeah, that tail.
01:33:13.000 He looks like he wants it.
01:33:15.000 He likes it.
01:33:18.000 Let me go.
01:33:19.000 Let me go.
01:33:20.000 Oh, do they let him?
01:33:21.000 They just tell him?
01:33:22.000 Now that you know, he's like, I can't wait!
01:33:26.000 Oh, my God.
01:33:27.000 Oh, my God.
01:33:28.000 That's insane.
01:33:30.000 I've never seen a dog.
01:33:32.000 Go, go, go! 0.96
01:33:33.000 Oh, my God.
01:33:37.000 Dude, that was so funny.
01:33:38.000 Bro, that is insane. 0.98
01:33:40.000 Once you realize that he was excited, that was so fucking funny. 0.98
01:33:44.000 Yeah, because you can't say that dog doesn't love that. 0.98
01:33:46.000 Look at that.
01:33:47.000 Look at him. 1.00
01:33:47.000 That dog fucking loves that. 1.00
01:33:49.000 Number one, he's got the telltale sign, which is the butt wiggle. 1.00
01:33:51.000 When the whole butt wiggles, they're super pumped. 1.00
01:33:54.000 I guess we just have to not look at it like it's involuntary.
01:33:58.000 It's clearly voluntary.
01:34:00.000 That dog wants to do this so much.
01:34:02.000 It's probably fun as hell because his body is like a super-tuned athlete's body.
01:34:07.000 Must feel amazing to just full-out sprint on a treadmill.
01:34:11.000 Yeah, let me uncap it.
01:34:13.000 Look at that.
01:34:13.000 He's like, yeah!
01:34:14.000 Yeah, but running for a dog like that, like that being held back by a chain, must feel great.
01:34:23.000 It's like you're exercising like a superhero body, like a pit bull is a superhero body.
01:34:28.000 In the world of dogs, they're supermen.
01:34:31.000 Superheroes?
01:34:31.000 Yeah.
01:34:32.000 The real superheroes are those Belgian Malinois.
01:34:35.000 Bring it up.
01:34:36.000 Bring it up, Jamie. 1.00
01:34:37.000 Let's see the fucking Malinois. 1.00
01:34:39.000 They don't even seem real. 1.00
01:34:42.000 They can jump.
01:34:44.000 30 feet through the air, like they're flying.
01:34:48.000 You've never seen anything like it.
01:34:49.000 They use them for the military.
01:34:50.000 They're attack dogs.
01:34:52.000 And it's not a dog that you want to have. 1.00
01:34:55.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:34:56.000 Look at this. 1.00
01:34:56.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00
01:34:57.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00
01:34:58.000 That's a Belgian Malinois. 1.00
01:35:00.000 That fucking dog just clapped. 1.00
01:35:01.000 Bro. 1.00
01:35:03.000 Good fucking luck. 1.00
01:35:04.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:35:05.000 Watch this. 0.99
01:35:06.000 Look at the height.
01:35:07.000 Look at the height.
01:35:08.000 Oh my god.
01:35:09.000 Got it.
01:35:10.000 In John Wick 3, Halle Berry had Belgian Malinois.
01:35:13.000 That's what that was.
01:35:14.000 Yeah.
01:35:14.000 I'm pretty sure they were Belgian Malinois.
01:35:15.000 Dude. 1.00
01:35:16.000 But these fucking things will climb up trees. 1.00
01:35:18.000 They'll run straight up a wall. 1.00
01:35:19.000 That's what you're talking about.
01:35:20.000 They can fly through the air.
01:35:21.000 And all they want to do is fuck things up.
01:35:23.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:35:24.000 We were talking about the first person that saw those big rats.
01:35:27.000 Could you imagine being in a tree, being like, I got away from this dog, and then he just flies up? 1.00
01:35:32.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:35:32.000 Look how it just climbed that roof, dude. 0.99
01:35:34.000 Look, he's walking across wires.
01:35:37.000 They're super smart, and they need exercise.
01:35:40.000 So if you're a person that has one of these, and you think you're just going to leave it in your backyard, you're torturing this thing.
01:35:45.000 I'm going to show my dog these videos to be like, hey, just know this.
01:35:50.000 These dogs are out there.
01:35:52.000 These dogs are out there.
01:35:53.000 I know you love treats, and I know you love to go to the park.
01:35:56.000 Look at that!
01:35:57.000 The military guys call them meat missiles.
01:35:59.000 They let the meat missiles go. 1.00
01:36:02.000 Dude, they will fuck you up. 1.00
01:36:04.000 They're not big dogs. 1.00
01:36:05.000 They're like 60, 70 pounds max, I think.
01:36:07.000 Do they respond to, like, I always loved watching the German Shepherds respond in ways where they're like, oh, they come trained.
01:36:15.000 Oh, yeah.
01:36:15.000 I mean, when you have a dog like that, it's like having a weapon.
01:36:19.000 It's not like a regular dog.
01:36:21.000 You have a human attacking weapon. 0.99
01:36:24.000 And so it's weird that you can have one.
01:36:25.000 It's weird that you can have like a human attacking weapon.
01:36:28.000 But you can train them and they'll be good dogs.
01:36:30.000 I've been around guys who had them and they're good dogs.
01:36:32.000 Man, just imagine having one of those in the birds and you lose a ball in a backyard and you're like, well, here's the deal.
01:36:37.000 You can get the ball.
01:36:38.000 That dog's coming right over that fence with you. 0.94
01:36:39.000 That dog is going to chase you till...
01:36:41.000 A buddy of mine had one in LA and he used to bring it to the studio.
01:36:44.000 It was a military dog. 0.99
01:36:45.000 He was cool as fuck. 0.99
01:36:45.000 That's awesome. 0.99
01:36:46.000 Cool as fuck. 0.87
01:36:47.000 Easy to be around. 1.00
01:36:48.000 But you didn't want to bring other dogs around.
01:36:49.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:36:51.000 I just know how goofy my dog is. 0.54
01:36:53.000 My dog's goofy.
01:36:54.000 Yeah, and she would just be like, hey, who are you?
01:36:56.000 And he's like, I am trained.
01:36:58.000 Do not come near me.
01:36:59.000 Yeah, because I'd have to tell him when I was bringing my dog by.
01:37:01.000 I'm like, hey man, I'm bringing Marshall by.
01:37:03.000 Marshall's a golden retriever.
01:37:04.000 His zero, like, there's no aggression in him.
01:37:07.000 It doesn't exist.
01:37:08.000 Unless you're a squirrel.
01:37:09.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:37:09.000 If you're a squirrel, he's there to bring death. 0.97
01:37:11.000 I grew up with a golden retriever.
01:37:13.000 They are...
01:37:13.000 They're the best dogs.
01:37:14.000 They are the sweetest...
01:37:16.000 Boys in the world. 0.99
01:37:17.000 Yeah, they're just so sweet.
01:37:18.000 My dog was fat, because I loved to feed him, but he could still move.
01:37:23.000 It was like Jerome Bettis.
01:37:25.000 Well, they're bird dogs.
01:37:26.000 Yeah, I would go to the backyard and play a game where I'd take two tennis balls, and so I was like growing up, and I'd throw one to one end, and then he would run down and get it, and I'd throw the other one to that one, and then he would dart across the room, and I'd just keep doing that, and at the end he'd be like, Yeah.
01:37:38.000 He just saw it in his face. 0.98
01:37:39.000 He's like, this fucking rules. 1.00
01:37:42.000 Dogs love to run. 1.00
01:37:43.000 Yeah.
01:37:43.000 You know, like that dog was jumping on that treadmill.
01:37:45.000 That's how my dog gets when I throw the tennis ball for him. 1.00
01:37:47.000 He gets fucking crazy. 0.99
01:37:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:37:49.000 He's like, let's go. 1.00
01:37:50.000 Let's fucking party. 1.00
01:37:52.000 Sometimes he starts running. 1.00
01:37:53.000 I haven't even thrown it.
01:37:54.000 I go, dude, look, it's right here.
01:37:55.000 He's like, oh.
01:37:56.000 I'm like, I didn't even trick you.
01:37:57.000 I love the play action.
01:37:58.000 You just ran.
01:37:59.000 When you run it, and they're like, got it?
01:38:00.000 And you're like, yeah, right? 0.97
01:38:01.000 Yeah, you fucking just remember that. 1.00
01:38:03.000 I got a little bit of brains on you. 0.99
01:38:05.000 He was the easiest dog that I've ever had to train to bring things back, too.
01:38:09.000 Oh, they're retrievers.
01:38:10.000 I mean, it's in the name.
01:38:11.000 I mean, it was instant.
01:38:12.000 It was instant.
01:38:12.000 Like, the fetch thing, instant.
01:38:14.000 Dude, he...
01:38:14.000 I grew up...
01:38:15.000 I got my golden retriever when I was, like, nine.
01:38:18.000 Because our other dog died, and I got him and just got to be, like, my dog.
01:38:22.000 You know what I mean?
01:38:23.000 Where he was like, this is my guy.
01:38:24.000 I came back from college.
01:38:26.000 The first Thanksgiving I came back from college, Montana, was like... 1.00
01:38:29.000 He's fucking... 0.99
01:38:30.000 He has risen! 1.00
01:38:32.000 He has risen!
01:38:33.000 I just walked in being like, I'm back, Montana.
01:38:36.000 Come and love me.
01:38:37.000 And he was like doing those things, you know, they jump up and circle around and you're like, yeah! 1.00
01:38:42.000 It's a fucking party. 0.99
01:38:43.000 That's the best, man. 1.00
01:38:44.000 Having a dog, we...
01:38:45.000 My girlfriend and I got a dog in the pandemic and it made...
01:38:48.000 That dog rules.
01:38:49.000 She comes on the road with me now. 1.00
01:38:51.000 It just fucking rules. 0.99
01:38:52.000 They're the coolest animals. 0.99
01:38:53.000 They're just like, you look at them and you're like, you're all about a good time, dude.
01:38:57.000 Yeah, they're all about love.
01:38:58.000 It's an amazing creation of the bastardization of nature.
01:39:02.000 Of a wolf.
01:39:03.000 Taking a wolf and turned it into this love machine.
01:39:06.000 Yeah, dude.
01:39:07.000 I had an old joke that I never really stuck with about just the first guy to bring a wolf in a village.
01:39:11.000 And he's like, Hey, no, it's my best friend. 1.00
01:39:14.000 Everyone's like, dude, fuck that shit. 1.00
01:39:16.000 Fuck that. 1.00
01:39:16.000 Don't bring that thing near me. 1.00
01:39:17.000 Well, people forget what wolves were.
01:39:19.000 We think of wolves as these beautiful animals that live in the mountains.
01:39:23.000 White Fang.
01:39:24.000 We have to bring them back because, you know, what happened was in the Old West days, they poisoned them. 0.79
01:39:31.000 Why do you think they did that?
01:39:32.000 Because they were coming for their kids.
01:39:33.000 Because they were eating their kids.
01:39:34.000 Like, they eat a lot of people. 0.99
01:39:36.000 Yeah, you realize that, like, we were talking about that book, The Heart of Everything, that is about Red Cloud, and, like, the Western Sioux, and they talked about when they laid the train tracks, and, you know, us whats were coming west with a repeater fucking rifle just shooting buffalo. 0.68
01:39:51.000 And then what happens is they can't use it because it's rotten meat, but then the wolves come.
01:39:57.000 So then they were like, oh, we'll clean up the wolves. 0.99
01:39:59.000 And now the wolves are just terrorizing tribes and shit because they're like, oh, these dead fucking buffalo are nearby. 1.00
01:40:04.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
01:40:04.000 God. 1.00
01:40:05.000 And then you gotta be like, yeah.
01:40:06.000 So then they started putting poison on the wolves and that just fucked everything up. 0.98
01:40:10.000 Started getting in the water and shit. 1.00
01:40:11.000 You're like, damn. 1.00
01:40:11.000 What a domino effect. 1.00
01:40:13.000 Oh, that has to happen if you're gonna kill an apex predator. 0.99
01:40:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:40:17.000 And that's, by the way, the only effective way to kill them in large numbers. 0.99
01:40:20.000 They're so smart. 0.97
01:40:21.000 Unless you have like a concerted effort to gun them down from helicopters and you chase them into open areas.
01:40:27.000 Those videos are wild.
01:40:27.000 They hunt them like that in certain areas of the world.
01:40:30.000 Yeah.
01:40:30.000 Because they have a population that they need to control.
01:40:33.000 Just be like wolves. 1.00
01:40:35.000 Can you imagine living in a place on Earth where you're like, fucking wolves, dude. 1.00
01:40:38.000 Got my girl. 1.00
01:40:40.000 I was in Canada once, and I was coming back from Alberta.
01:40:45.000 And I think I did a show there, and I must have had something on me that made this guy come up to me and ask me about hunting.
01:40:53.000 Maybe I had a magazine I was reading or something like that.
01:40:56.000 And he goes, yeah, we do a lot of wolf hunting up here.
01:40:59.000 And he was a regular guy. 0.99
01:41:01.000 I mean, he looked like a guy that you would see that goes, yeah, I sell fucking auto insurance. 0.98
01:41:06.000 Yeah. 0.88
01:41:07.000 He didn't seem like a crazy looking guy.
01:41:09.000 I go, how often do you wolf on?
01:41:11.000 He goes, every chance we can.
01:41:12.000 We got to get rid of them. 1.00
01:41:13.000 They're fucking everywhere. 1.00
01:41:14.000 I go, what? 0.99
01:41:15.000 And so he's telling me what he does is take meat, like scraps of meat and stuff, and they freeze it.
01:41:20.000 And they freeze it in like a garbage tub.
01:41:23.000 Sure.
01:41:24.000 And then they make a giant meat sickle.
01:41:26.000 And they leave it out there.
01:41:27.000 And then they wait.
01:41:29.000 And they just look going.
01:41:30.000 The wolves have figured it out.
01:41:31.000 It's harder to get them now because they've killed a few this way.
01:41:34.000 But they hide, like in tree stands, with rifles.
01:41:38.000 And that's the most effective way he's found to kill wolves.
01:41:41.000 They have to draw them in.
01:41:41.000 It's meat-sicles.
01:41:42.000 Well, the thing is, man, there's so many trees.
01:41:45.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:41:45.000 And these motherfuckers are smart, and they can smell 100,000 times better than you. 1.00
01:41:49.000 I just think about being a dumb wolf. 1.00
01:41:51.000 And they see things. 1.00
01:41:51.000 Just being a dumb wolf and being like, look at that fucking meat circle. 1.00
01:41:56.000 Just fucking catch a rifle. 1.00
01:41:57.000 Most likely young. 1.00
01:41:58.000 Yeah.
01:41:59.000 Most likely young wolves.
01:42:00.000 Because I'm sure they operate the way rats do.
01:42:02.000 Rats will send, like there's that documentary on Netflix, Rats.
01:42:05.000 You ever watch that?
01:42:06.000 No. 0.99
01:42:06.000 Fucking great. 0.99
01:42:07.000 Yeah? 0.99
01:42:07.000 Great. 0.99
01:42:08.000 Terrifying.
01:42:08.000 I need a road movie.
01:42:09.000 It's a good one.
01:42:10.000 All right.
01:42:10.000 It's a real good one.
01:42:11.000 Hell yeah. 1.00
01:42:11.000 Rats send a young dumb one out to check to see if something's poison. 1.00
01:42:15.000 And they see this one and they're like, yep, see, Harry, it's fucking poison. 1.00
01:42:20.000 It's one guy that's like, that was my kid! 0.99
01:42:21.000 They figured out poison.
01:42:25.000 Rats know what poison is.
01:42:26.000 They know that some stuff, if you eat it, it'll kill you. 1.00
01:42:30.000 How the fuck? 0.99
01:42:31.000 That battle, if you're on the human side of it, where you're stressed out, you're like, what's wrong, dude? 1.00
01:42:35.000 And you're like, fuck it, I'm in a race of new poison against rats. 1.00
01:42:38.000 I gotta fucking outsmart these things. 1.00
01:42:40.000 They knew my old poison. 1.00
01:42:41.000 They know my old shit. 1.00
01:42:43.000 I think they just keep using it and they kill dumb young rats and they think they're doing a good job. 1.00
01:42:46.000 But what this documentary exposed is that there's this sophisticated culture down. 1.00
01:42:51.000 It's a fucking ruthless, nasty, vicious culture. 1.00
01:42:55.000 But rats have a civilization. 1.00
01:42:57.000 There's more rats in New York City than there are human beings. 0.97
01:43:00.000 I know.
01:43:01.000 And living there, you're reminded of that walking through parks late at night by garbage bags.
01:43:07.000 When I first started, when I moved to New York in 07, it was one of those things where I was outside smoking at an open mic just by a mountain of trash, and you'd just see, like, bags move, and you're like...
01:43:19.000 Then you see one go and you're like oh and you you know that fact you've heard that I heard that fact by then that there's more Rats than people in New York and you're like oh those are the brazen ones Those are the ones that are like yeah you were out here.
01:43:33.000 Yeah, it was under the surface Yeah, dude are just thinking about under that dude It's fucking went to a gas station once this is back in the day when I didn't have a cell phone I had to use a fucking pay phone this how long ago this is nice and So I'm pumping my gas, and I go over to use this payphone. 0.98
01:43:47.000 And as I'm using the payphone, like 10 feet away from my car, I watch a rat run out, jump on my wheel, my tire, and then disappear somewhere in my fucking car. 0.98
01:43:57.000 Jesus Christ, just walking around. 0.99
01:43:59.000 Just went into my car.
01:44:00.000 Just in the body of your car.
01:44:03.000 Did you ever find it?
01:44:04.000 I think it went into the engine bay or something.
01:44:07.000 And then another one does it.
01:44:08.000 And then another one does it. 1.00
01:44:09.000 And then there's all these rats jumping up on my car and climbing into my fucking car. 0.99
01:44:13.000 How do you drive away with that? 0.99
01:44:15.000 Well, I shut the door and they all scattered.
01:44:17.000 I guess.
01:44:18.000 Because I never found it.
01:44:18.000 I just figured I'm just going to drive.
01:44:20.000 I'm like, I don't think they can get into the car from the engine bay. 0.99
01:44:23.000 Could you imagine me just fucking... 0.99
01:44:24.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:44:24.000 You see one in like a... 1.00
01:44:26.000 Just across.
01:44:27.000 But they were just so many of them.
01:44:29.000 The point is that as soon as you stopped your car, they jumped on your car.
01:44:32.000 They jumped over the top of your tires in the back wheel well.
01:44:35.000 And they were like running around in my car.
01:44:39.000 They were checking my car for food.
01:44:41.000 Like what if my window was open?
01:44:42.000 Maybe they would jump in and start eating a Subway sandwich.
01:44:44.000 And by the way, they're willing to risk it all for an open bag of Funyuns.
01:44:48.000 They are not scared of you.
01:44:49.000 Even remotely.
01:44:51.000 The... 0.99
01:44:52.000 New York One always puts up these videos occasionally of like the Taco Bell on 54th Street and you're just watching like 30 rats just be in the thing and you're like, holy shit! 0.98
01:45:03.000 And they did it to the Taco Bell by the restaurant I worked at. 0.95
01:45:07.000 Just go get a cheap, you know, Taco Bell, just go get a quesadilla.
01:45:09.000 And then you saw that video, you're like, oh my God.
01:45:13.000 There's so many of them.
01:45:15.000 And you go down...
01:45:16.000 One of the grossest things I've ever seen in my life is New York City summer, riding the subways, like off the train.
01:45:23.000 It's like, you know, 100 out.
01:45:24.000 It's got that humidity.
01:45:26.000 Piss smell.
01:45:27.000 Dude, I was at the West 4th stop, right? 1.00
01:45:30.000 And it's this long fucking tunnel when you're going downtown on it and you get off... 0.98
01:45:34.000 On Third Street. 0.99
01:45:35.000 It's like this long fucking tunnel where there's all these advertisements. 0.99
01:45:38.000 And I'm looking ahead and I'm watching people move. 0.99
01:45:43.000 I'm like, I got my earbuds in and I'm like watching and I'm seeing people and they're like jumping. 0.99
01:45:47.000 And I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:45:48.000 And I look, and there's this rat that has half his fur gone. 1.00
01:45:53.000 It's just fucking bald on one side, and it's dying. 0.99
01:45:56.000 And it's like, and it's fucking big, and it's like, and it's just going side to side. 0.98
01:46:01.000 Dude, I ran by it like this. 0.94
01:46:02.000 Like, I made a noise, like, running by it.
01:46:05.000 I was like, because it was going up, and I was going up.
01:46:08.000 I was like, oh, no.
01:46:09.000 Dude, it was so gross. 0.99
01:46:11.000 It was just basically like, kill me. 1.00
01:46:13.000 Fucking kill me. 1.00
01:46:15.000 God. 0.99
01:46:15.000 Dude, thinking about it now, and it was hot, and it was like, dude, this thing. 0.99
01:46:20.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99
01:46:21.000 That thing was... 1.00
01:46:21.000 Running around with people. 1.00
01:46:23.000 Like, not scared of the people.
01:46:24.000 It was dying. 0.99
01:46:25.000 It was just like, I don't give a fuck, dude. 1.00
01:46:27.000 It put me out of my goddamn misery. 1.00
01:46:28.000 I wonder if that's what it was doing. 1.00
01:46:30.000 Running around with those people.
01:46:31.000 Why wouldn't it hide to die? 0.99
01:46:32.000 Or it's the funniest rat. 1.00
01:46:34.000 When he comes back, he goes, I fucking got him. 1.00
01:46:35.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:46:36.000 I got them all, bro.
01:46:37.000 Dude, you shaved me? 0.99
01:46:38.000 Fucking scared the shit out of them. 0.99
01:46:39.000 I'm so glad we did this. 1.00
01:46:41.000 Fucking scared the piss out of them. 0.99
01:46:42.000 I lived in a house in Encino at one point in time, and it was in the hills, and you got a lot of rats up there. 1.00
01:46:48.000 A lot of coyotes and a lot of rats.
01:46:50.000 Probably.
01:46:50.000 I would get them in my garage.
01:46:52.000 They'd figure out a way to get under the garage door, and they would come into the garbage.
01:46:56.000 So I'd have the garbage in the garage, and I went out there, and the garbage was strewn everywhere. 0.99
01:47:01.000 It's like, fuck, I gotta get traps. 0.99
01:47:03.000 I got traps... 1.00
01:47:04.000 I hear the snap. 0.99
01:47:06.000 I go out there, and it's a fucking giant rat. 0.99
01:47:09.000 I mean, he's like this. 0.99
01:47:11.000 His body's this big. 1.00
01:47:12.000 I'm like, oh shit. 1.00
01:47:13.000 What's up, motherfucker? 1.00
01:47:14.000 And I'm looking at it, but I was like, I don't feel like dealing with this right now. 0.99
01:47:19.000 I'm like, I'm just going to leave this here, and I'll clean it up tomorrow.
01:47:22.000 So I leave it there, and I get up in the morning, and I open up the garage door, and they ate him.
01:47:30.000 The other rats ate him.
01:47:31.000 There was almost nothing left.
01:47:33.000 It was just the tail.
01:47:35.000 When you look into like a king rat situation where they're just like stuck together.
01:47:39.000 Yeah, what is that rat king thing?
01:47:41.000 It's like they'll climb up.
01:47:42.000 All their tails get stuck together.
01:47:43.000 And then they kill each other because they're all like. 0.98
01:47:45.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:47:46.000 They're just stuck together and they're just like, I'll fucking kill you. 1.00
01:47:48.000 That's real. 1.00
01:47:49.000 That is real. 0.98
01:47:50.000 Rat kings. 0.97
01:47:51.000 Rat kings.
01:47:52.000 So their tails just get tangled. 0.98
01:47:55.000 And then they wind up killing each other.
01:47:57.000 Is it always when there's like a shitload of them around?
01:47:59.000 That makes sense though, right?
01:48:01.000 If you have that many on top of each other.
01:48:03.000 Oh, look at that one in a tree.
01:48:05.000 Oh, baby squirrels accidentally got wrecking. 0.99
01:48:08.000 Look, they're all going ass to ass. 1.00
01:48:10.000 Ass to ass. 1.00
01:48:11.000 Ass to ass. 1.00
01:48:13.000 Dude, that's a real thing. 1.00
01:48:14.000 It's mummified.
01:48:15.000 Look at that.
01:48:15.000 I mean, dude, think about it.
01:48:16.000 If the three of us couldn't get away from each other and we didn't know why, and you just started panicking, you would wreck Jamie and I. I'm out first and then...
01:48:25.000 People would just...
01:48:26.000 It's like a Donner Party situation.
01:48:28.000 Dude, that book...
01:48:29.000 I just read a book about Donner Party that I'm like, all I want to do is talk about it.
01:48:34.000 It's so fucking crazy how one mistake...
01:48:37.000 It's called Underneath... 1.00
01:48:39.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
01:48:39.000 This is why pot sucks. 1.00
01:48:41.000 Because you read books and then you're like... 0.99
01:48:43.000 The Donner Party is the number one story of people eating people.
01:48:47.000 Yeah, but that was like...
01:48:48.000 When you see the point they got to...
01:48:50.000 Yeah. 0.81
01:48:51.000 Underneath the fuckin' something stars, they got to a point where they were like taking leather straps and boiling it down and eating leather.
01:49:01.000 Yeah, the indifferent stars above. 0.99
01:49:03.000 Fuckin' unbelievable. 0.99
01:49:06.000 Dude, it's like... 0.99
01:49:07.000 Who survived?
01:49:09.000 They had, I want to say, over 20 survivors, mostly women.
01:49:13.000 And how many people lived?
01:49:14.000 How many people died, right?
01:49:15.000 They lost over 60. And it was kids, families, and there were all these different camps.
01:49:21.000 And it was one guy just selling...
01:49:23.000 It was almost the most American story you can do, where a guy's like, I got a shortcut.
01:49:27.000 And they're like, is it good?
01:49:28.000 And he's like, of course it's good.
01:49:30.000 And then they're caught in the Sierra Mountains with like under like 15 feet of snow. 1.00
01:49:35.000 Like insane shit. 0.99
01:49:37.000 And then like they talk about eating the people and it had to be like one woman didn't want to know if it was her husband or not because her husband had died. 1.00
01:49:45.000 And she's like, just don't.
01:49:46.000 Just go mix up the meat.
01:49:48.000 Just go mix it up so I don't know that I'm eating my beloved John, you know?
01:49:53.000 And these guys got trapped and then they come out The end of that book is basically all about PTSD and about how all these people that survived were like...
01:50:02.000 That old-timey thing were like, we don't talk about that.
01:50:05.000 They just pushed it down.
01:50:07.000 How could you keep it together after eating a person?
01:50:09.000 Just coming back and being like...
01:50:11.000 Normal.
01:50:12.000 Super normal.
01:50:13.000 Stayed alive.
01:50:14.000 It's a nice day.
01:50:15.000 I ate this old lady. 1.00
01:50:16.000 Yeah, this fucking old guy died and I took a hunk of his thigh. 1.00
01:50:20.000 Also, doing the thing of dressing a human like a deer or something, where you gotta be like, oh, fuck, man. 1.00
01:50:26.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
01:50:28.000 Cannibalism really is the only thing for all humans where you're like... 1.00
01:50:32.000 Well, it's the only thing that there's a disease that prevents it.
01:50:34.000 Yeah, it's like, stop.
01:50:35.000 There's a disease.
01:50:36.000 Really?
01:50:37.000 Yeah.
01:50:37.000 What is it called?
01:50:38.000 Jakob Krutzfeld?
01:50:40.000 That's what it's called?
01:50:41.000 Is it like mad cow disease?
01:50:43.000 Yes, exactly.
01:50:44.000 So it's like it causes holes in your brain?
01:50:46.000 Prions.
01:50:46.000 Yeah.
01:50:47.000 Yeah, it's a prion disease.
01:50:48.000 I think it comes from eating human...
01:50:50.000 It's either brain tissue or neural tissue.
01:50:54.000 Dude, if you have that, you just tell on yourself.
01:50:57.000 You're like, I have that.
01:50:58.000 They're like, so you eat people.
01:50:59.000 And you go, well...
01:51:01.000 I was in Taiwan, and I was at a place.
01:51:04.000 I didn't know what it was.
01:51:05.000 They fed me.
01:51:06.000 They lied.
01:51:06.000 It wasn't on the menu.
01:51:07.000 They said it was monkey brains, and then they brought it out, and it was fucking... 0.99
01:51:11.000 You're not supposed to eat monkey brains either, bro. 1.00
01:51:13.000 Really?
01:51:13.000 No, I don't think you are.
01:51:14.000 Isn't that a good delicacy over there?
01:51:15.000 Yeah, but I think primate prions.
01:51:19.000 The thing would be like...
01:51:21.000 I don't know if people have gotten, you know, mad monkey disease, like mad cow disease, but mad cow disease comes from cows eating other cows.
01:51:29.000 Yeah, they put cow in the feed. 1.00
01:51:31.000 Not just meat. 0.99
01:51:33.000 They put cow brains and neural tissue and whatever the fuck. 1.00
01:51:37.000 What is the actual thing that causes the prions? 0.98
01:51:41.000 Is it or Jakobs Kretzfeld from eating humans?
01:51:46.000 It's either the brain tissue or it's the...
01:51:49.000 It says it's just from contaminated meat.
01:51:51.000 Not necessarily...
01:51:52.000 Oh, but that's...
01:51:53.000 No, but you're talking about mad cow disease, right?
01:51:55.000 Crutzfeldt Jacob.
01:51:56.000 Oh, well, you see that...
01:51:58.000 But that is what it means.
01:52:00.000 It is mad cow disease.
01:52:02.000 Pull up that word and then mad cow disease. 0.99
01:52:05.000 Dude, personality changes is funny.
01:52:07.000 I think it's still the same thing.
01:52:09.000 I think it's a prion disease.
01:52:10.000 But just...
01:52:11.000 See, it is mad cow disease.
01:52:14.000 Dude, what's so funny about that is it says it changes your personality.
01:52:18.000 So it is the same as mad cow disease.
01:52:20.000 No, CJD is not related to mad cow disease, although they're both considered TSEs.
01:52:27.000 Only people who get CJD and only cattle get mad cow disease.
01:52:31.000 Okay, so it's a similar because it's a prion disease, but it's not.
01:52:35.000 So if that's not mad cow disease, we can catch their prion disease too, right? 0.96
01:52:44.000 So people definitely get a prion disease from eating people.
01:52:48.000 And they definitely get a prion disease from eating cows that ate cows. 0.99
01:52:52.000 That's what they're trying to say?
01:52:54.000 But they're not the same.
01:52:55.000 It's a different disease.
01:52:56.000 I think when mad cow disease came out, we didn't know what the human variant was.
01:53:00.000 And I think it was just like, because they're similar, they're like, oh, it's mad cow disease.
01:53:04.000 But in reality, only cattle can get mad cow disease. 0.60
01:53:06.000 Right, so we're getting a similar disease from...
01:53:09.000 It's basically the rule, don't eat your own.
01:53:11.000 Yeah.
01:53:11.000 It's just nature being like...
01:53:12.000 And don't eat what ate its own.
01:53:14.000 Yeah.
01:53:14.000 Don't eat other things that eat their own.
01:53:16.000 Copy of a copy?
01:53:17.000 I mean, that's probably one of the reasons why no...
01:53:19.000 I mean, rats are just not considered delicious.
01:53:22.000 I left that rat, dead rat dude, for one evening.
01:53:26.000 Yeah. 0.89
01:53:27.000 And he was gone.
01:53:28.000 And they were like...
01:53:28.000 There was like feet left in the tail.
01:53:31.000 Also...
01:53:31.000 And they ate everything.
01:53:32.000 The one rat that was like, dude, I heard fucking Mark died in that garage. 1.00
01:53:35.000 Let's go eat him. 1.00
01:53:36.000 Fuck Mark. 1.00
01:53:37.000 He always wanted to eat his fucking eyeball. 1.00
01:53:39.000 Fat ass. 1.00
01:53:39.000 He was a fat fuck. 1.00
01:53:40.000 Fat fuck. 1.00
01:53:41.000 Always got the first garbage. 1.00
01:53:43.000 Well, yeah, you wanted to be first, Mark. 1.00
01:53:44.000 Now we're all going to eat you, you stupid dead fuck. 1.00
01:53:48.000 Dude, coming back out and seeing that, like seeing nature work, almost like those old school time-lapse videos where you watch the skull deteriorate and then like the grass grow around and shit. 1.00
01:53:59.000 Do it in a day where you come out and you're like, oh shit, it's gone. 0.98
01:54:02.000 I think it would be a buzz. 0.99
01:54:03.000 I bet if you put cameras out there and got a slow, it would be just like 10 rats at the same time just eating them alive.
01:54:09.000 Richard Kuklinski, the Iceman, That serial killer. 0.99
01:54:13.000 He would go to Bucks County, Pennsylvania and he found this cave with rats and he would put a fucking video camera and watch people get eaten. 0.99
01:54:26.000 He would just put them in there alive and come back a week later, nothing. 1.00
01:54:32.000 Nothing in that book by Philip Carlo the Iceman they talk about how this motherfucker Kuklinski would watch those videos eating sandwiches and shit like that's how cold he was he was like yeah, I'll watch this shit Dude, I got it. 0.99
01:54:45.000 That was a weird phase when you're single and you're explaining to women why you read about Richard Kuklinski so much I'm cool. 0.99
01:54:52.000 Don't worry.
01:54:52.000 His interviews are chilling.
01:54:54.000 That one was at HBO. Yeah, it's called yeah, it's like a confessions of something the The Iceman or something like that?
01:55:01.000 Yeah, there's one where the last two or three are done by a female psychologist. 0.93
01:55:06.000 The first one's this guy who's trying to goad him at one point.
01:55:10.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:55:11.000 And he goes, just real quietly, he goes, you see that?
01:55:14.000 You just made me mad. 0.98
01:55:15.000 And it's one of those things where you're like, get the fuck out of the room, dude. 1.00
01:55:18.000 Get the fuck out of the room. 1.00
01:55:19.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:55:19.000 The stories in that Philip Carlo book are fucking insane about how he would be like, you know, the Gambino family would... 1.00
01:55:27.000 Order a hit in Florida and they're like put some pizzazz on it and he would feed the guy to a shark or some shit like real crazy shit You know Saddam Hussein's sons would rape women and feed them to their dogs. 1.00
01:55:40.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:55:42.000 Yeah, how do you do that post nut? 1.00
01:55:43.000 Tell you that mean post nut how much how do you got that much fucking vinegar in you? 1.00
01:55:48.000 I heard horrible stories Yeah. 0.99
01:55:51.000 The two sons were apparently like...
01:55:54.000 Uday and...
01:55:55.000 Kusei. 0.68
01:55:56.000 Like full-on serial killers. 0.82
01:55:58.000 Game of Thrones-style serial killers.
01:56:01.000 Jesus Christ.
01:56:02.000 I know you used to torture the Iraqi soccer team. 1.00
01:56:05.000 They would, like, electrocute their nipples when they fucking do them. 1.00
01:56:08.000 Which is already, there's so much pressure on the game. 1.00
01:56:10.000 But those two sons, see, I think there was a document, or a film, about those two sons.
01:56:14.000 Isn't there?
01:56:15.000 Was there a Uday and Kuse film? 1.00
01:56:17.000 They were supposedly some evil, evil motherfuckers. 1.00
01:56:19.000 Well, good news, coming to ABC, it's two brothers. 1.00
01:56:23.000 Just trying to sitcom it.
01:56:24.000 Two brothers that do whatever the hell they want.
01:56:27.000 Could you imagine if your dad was Saddam Hussein? 0.67
01:56:30.000 The devil's double, is what it's called.
01:56:32.000 What is it?
01:56:32.000 Can you put it up?
01:56:34.000 Wait, hold on.
01:56:34.000 Is that a fictional or is it a documentary?
01:56:37.000 Dude, that is...
01:56:38.000 I can't believe this is a fictional movie.
01:56:40.000 Or just being cousins with them.
01:56:43.000 They're coming over for dinner.
01:56:44.000 I hope he doesn't kill me. 1.00
01:56:46.000 You're like, oh, fuck, dude. 1.00
01:56:47.000 How'd the national team do? 1.00
01:56:49.000 Remember that guy in Devil's Double?
01:56:52.000 Fact-based drama.
01:56:53.000 Iraqi Lieutenant Yahya is forcibly drafted into being a body double for Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's depraved elder son.
01:57:00.000 Oh, wow.
01:57:01.000 Oh, that's cool.
01:57:02.000 When did that come out?
01:57:03.000 Last year?
01:57:03.000 2011. Oh, really?
01:57:05.000 Interesting.
01:57:06.000 I remember hearing about that.
01:57:07.000 But dude, I would love...
01:57:09.000 That's like Uday Hussain's like a guy where you're like, I'll do a deep dive. 1.00
01:57:12.000 I'm gonna learn about your crazy ass. 1.00
01:57:14.000 Pull up an article on how evil they were. 1.00
01:57:17.000 See if you can find something.
01:57:19.000 It was... 1.00
01:57:21.000 Terrifying shit, man. 1.00
01:57:22.000 Oh, by the way, those Donner Party stats. 1.00
01:57:25.000 Yeah, look at that. 0.99
01:57:25.000 Uday, career of rape, torture, and murder. 0.99
01:57:27.000 Just to fact check myself, those Donner Party stats.
01:57:30.000 I don't know if that's true about the murders, but it felt right.
01:57:33.000 I just want to let you know.
01:57:33.000 I was looking stuff up about it.
01:57:35.000 I do that all the time.
01:57:36.000 There's a lot of info.
01:57:38.000 I just toss it out.
01:57:39.000 Nate always calls me on it.
01:57:40.000 He's like, is that a Souter fact? 1.00
01:57:43.000 These guys, if you're Uday Hussain and your dad is Saddam just running shit, you're gonna feel very empowered to be a fucking psycho. 1.00
01:57:52.000 Look at this, hold on. 0.99
01:57:53.000 Search for public appropriation appears to have taken over in the mid-1980s when Uday first took...
01:58:01.000 A close interest in the sport.
01:58:02.000 Footballers say he never really understood or showed much interest in the game itself, but was desperate enough for a win that he would phone up the dressing room during halftime to threaten to cut off players' legs and throw them to ravenous dogs.
01:58:15.000 Just in between it and they go, hey, uh...
01:58:19.000 Uday's on the phone for you, and you're like, hello? 1.00
01:58:23.000 I'll cut your fucking legs off. 1.00
01:58:25.000 And feed them to ravenous dogs. 1.00
01:58:27.000 As football overseer, Uday kept a private torture scorecard with written instructions on how many times each player should be beaten on the soles of his feet after a particularly poor showing.
01:58:40.000 He also carried a grudge.
01:58:41.000 Once you came to Uday's notice, he never left you alone.
01:58:45.000 The only time I managed to get away from his eyes was when I went outside Iraq.
01:58:49.000 Star performer Habib Jafar told The Guardian last April. 1.00
01:58:53.000 Fuck dude. 1.00
01:58:54.000 Damn dude, read that next one. 1.00
01:58:58.000 Oh, Uday's excess is carried over into his private life where he had a reputation for ordering any girl or woman who caught his eye to be brought to his private pleasure dome. 1.00
01:59:07.000 Pleasure dome, dude.
01:59:08.000 Which sounds so fun to get invited to.
01:59:11.000 If you're like, dude, do you want to come to my pleasure dome?
01:59:13.000 You're like, yeah, absolutely.
01:59:14.000 And he's like, it's not good.
01:59:15.000 It's Uday Hussain's pleasure dome.
01:59:17.000 Oh my god.
01:59:18.000 In 1988, he bludgeoned to death his father's bodyguard in front of horrified partygoers.
01:59:24.000 Oh my god.
01:59:26.000 He also shot one of his uncles in the leg.
01:59:29.000 The murder shootings and other erratic behavior put him in permanent disfavor with Saddam.
01:59:34.000 He was briefly exiled to Switzerland, and when he was allowed to return to Iraq, he was never again deemed suitable for succession. 0.99
01:59:40.000 Damn, he got cut off. 0.99
01:59:42.000 Whoa. 1.00
01:59:42.000 Which means, you know how much fucked up shit you gotta do for Saddam Hussein? 1.00
01:59:46.000 Scroll back to what we were looking at before, like a little bit before that. 1.00
01:59:49.000 But you know what I mean? 1.00
01:59:50.000 You know how much fucked up shit you gotta do for Saddam Hussein to be like this? 1.00
01:59:53.000 That's too much. 1.00
01:59:54.000 I'm gassing Kurds, but this is too much. 1.00
01:59:56.000 What a scary person. 0.97
01:59:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:59:58.000 To have your father be a dictator and you're a murderous psychopath. 1.00
02:00:02.000 And you're a problem for him? 1.00
02:00:03.000 Your dad's a murderous dictator and you're the problem? 1.00
02:00:06.000 You're the problem. 1.00
02:00:07.000 He changed you to Switzerland.
02:00:08.000 Go be neutral.
02:00:10.000 It's in his Switzerland.
02:00:11.000 See how they do it.
02:00:12.000 Do it like that.
02:00:12.000 It's like that Ben Affleck meme where he's smoking.
02:00:14.000 He's just outside. 0.99
02:00:15.000 He's like, Uday, I gotta fucking get rid of him. 1.00
02:00:17.000 This kid's nuts. 1.00
02:00:17.000 Can you imagine Switzerland? 1.00
02:00:19.000 Where, you know, they're not known for being violent at all. 0.99
02:00:21.000 And all of a sudden, that dude fucking moves in? 1.00
02:00:23.000 Yeah, you're putting one of those fucking attack dogs at a poodle school. 1.00
02:00:27.000 You're like, damn, dude. 1.00
02:00:28.000 Also, him being your neighbor. 1.00
02:00:30.000 He's like, Uday?
02:00:31.000 You're like, Uday Hussein?
02:00:33.000 He's like, yeah. 1.00
02:00:35.000 And you're like, fuck, dude. 1.00
02:00:36.000 I would invite you over to watch soccer, but... 1.00
02:00:38.000 I felt like when you read stories of ancient kings and dynasties and their sons and the evil princes, it's almost like that's the pattern that always happens.
02:00:49.000 The sons of dictators are ruthless.
02:00:54.000 I always think that with mafia kids, a lot of mafia kids.
02:00:58.000 They're born into it.
02:00:59.000 But you got a guy that makes his way from Sicily or up in Brooklyn and makes a made man and he's making it and then they have those kids that are just like, they saw the power their dad had so they didn't have the beginning part. 0.98
02:01:11.000 So then they're like, I got the power, you fucking respect me.
02:01:13.000 And you're like, yeah, but your dad went up the ranks. 0.98
02:01:16.000 You know what I mean?
02:01:17.000 It's just powerful people with their kids.
02:01:19.000 I'm so glad I wasn't the son of a powerful man.
02:01:23.000 What a burden.
02:01:25.000 I was a son of a very fun drunk. 0.98
02:01:29.000 That's where clowns are made. 1.00
02:01:31.000 If you were the son of a scary, forceful guy, the problem is people resist that shit. 1.00
02:01:39.000 They don't want that. 1.00
02:01:40.000 They don't want that. 0.99
02:01:41.000 They want to be their own man They don't want to be they don't want to go into your line of business and take over the family business and fuck man That's like how many stories are about that where the man has got to get away from his dad I don't want to do the business. 0.97
02:01:51.000 I'm forced to do the business It's always always always a storyline where it's like I'll go back to running my dad's factory and fucking whatever because it ain't your dream It's not your dream and sometimes dads want it to be your dream whenever I see comedians Like, children of comedians get into it? 0.99
02:02:07.000 Or athletes? 0.83
02:02:09.000 Yeah.
02:02:10.000 Like, the athletes.
02:02:11.000 Ken Griffey Jr. is so good at baseball that he was better than his dad. 0.99
02:02:16.000 Do you know how fucking crazy... 0.98
02:02:17.000 They played on the same team. 0.98
02:02:18.000 You gotta be so good at something to be like, I'm gonna go on my dad's field and I'm gonna be better.
02:02:23.000 Like, Kobe Bryant's dad, Steph Curry, these all...
02:02:26.000 Guys of great NBA players, and then they go and they're like, watch this.
02:02:31.000 Floyd Mayweather, his dad, fought Sugar Ray Leonard. 0.97
02:02:34.000 He was fucking awesome. 0.97
02:02:35.000 Floyd Mayweather Jr. was awesome. 0.98
02:02:37.000 Yeah, you forget that he's a junior.
02:02:39.000 And he's the greatest fighter, possibly greatest boxer of all time.
02:02:42.000 In my book.
02:02:43.000 Yeah.
02:02:43.000 I mean, watching him roll that shoulder and just absolutely destroy people.
02:02:46.000 If you just look at boxing in terms of how often you get hit versus how often you hit the other guy, he's the best ever.
02:02:52.000 Yeah.
02:02:52.000 And he's the son of...
02:02:54.000 So it is... 1.00
02:02:55.000 It's not a sweeping rule of if you're the son of someone, you're going to suck. 1.00
02:02:59.000 Probably. 1.00
02:02:59.000 But if you're good, you're going to be fucking great. 1.00
02:03:02.000 Right. 0.95
02:03:02.000 Because you've got that extra pressure that ends up getting behind you and pushing you. 0.95
02:03:06.000 The way him and his uncle and his father talk, I imagine...
02:03:11.000 That they were always super competitive from the time they were young.
02:03:16.000 He grew up being super...
02:03:18.000 They're super competitive. 1.00
02:03:19.000 They're competitive about talking shit. 1.00
02:03:21.000 They're competitive about all kinds of things. 0.99
02:03:23.000 So it's like that hive growing up with that all the time and the boxing skill.
02:03:28.000 Puts you in a place where you're down on the cards in a fight.
02:03:32.000 Who's that guy from Argentina that he fought?
02:03:34.000 Mardano?
02:03:35.000 Mardano.
02:03:36.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:03:36.000 If you watch that fight, he's up on the cards early, and you watch Mayweather breathe it out and just refocus, and you're like, that's what you get from growing up around all that shit. 0.99
02:03:44.000 You can focus in and... 0.91
02:03:46.000 But he always has an amazing card.
02:03:48.000 Mardano cracked him.
02:03:49.000 He caught him.
02:03:49.000 He was one of the few guys that actually hit Floyd in his career.
02:03:52.000 It was like Sugastrain and Mosley hit him once pretty good and Maidana hit him once and it was the end of a round and he clipped him and Floyd wobbled a little and the round was over.
02:04:02.000 But it was like whoa like that dude could hit.
02:04:04.000 And then he just came back and walked him down.
02:04:07.000 Yeah and then the second fight they had was even better.
02:04:10.000 The second fight they had it was a shutout.
02:04:12.000 He's like I know exactly what you do.
02:04:14.000 And this time I'm ready for it and I'm still mad that you hit me.
02:04:17.000 Can you imagine having the best guy mad at you for hitting you and you're like, I don't know, I have to.
02:04:22.000 Floyd is just the best technician ever.
02:04:24.000 Yeah.
02:04:24.000 His technique, it's flawless.
02:04:27.000 His movement, his understanding of distance.
02:04:30.000 One of the funniest things that he ever did was he fought this, there's this guy who, Tenshin, who is a, he's a huge star in Japan in martial arts, kickboxing and stuff like that, but he's a smaller guy.
02:04:45.000 But he's like a very exciting young prospect.
02:04:49.000 And they paid Floyd to box him.
02:04:52.000 This guy fights at like maybe 130 pounds.
02:04:57.000 He's a small guy.
02:04:58.000 Yeah, so he's smaller than Floyd.
02:04:59.000 Yeah, he's a lot smaller than Floyd.
02:05:01.000 I mean, I want to say he maybe fights 136. I'm not sure.
02:05:04.000 I love that.
02:05:04.000 He's not very big.
02:05:06.000 Just a fucking squirrely guy. 1.00
02:05:07.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:05:08.000 But Floyd's way bigger than that.
02:05:10.000 Yeah.
02:05:11.000 And Floyd didn't even look like he worked out at all.
02:05:13.000 He walked in there with a big smile on his face.
02:05:16.000 He didn't particularly look fit.
02:05:17.000 He didn't look ripped.
02:05:18.000 Yeah. 0.97
02:05:19.000 And he just beat the fuck out of this dude. 0.91
02:05:21.000 He beat the fuck out of this dude so bad that people thought it was a fixed fight. 0.97
02:05:24.000 They were calling me up.
02:05:24.000 Dude, you gotta see this fixed fight.
02:05:26.000 Floyd Mayweather was involved in a fixed fight.
02:05:27.000 And I watched it and I go, that's not fixed. 1.00
02:05:29.000 That's what happened to you, bitch. 1.00
02:05:30.000 If Floyd hit you, you would go down like that. 1.00
02:05:33.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
02:05:35.000 I mean, but when you get whooped by someone not in shape, the excuses out of your mouth on the walk back, you're like, yeah, I don't know, man. 1.00
02:05:40.000 It must have been something I ate.
02:05:41.000 I don't think Floyd ever gets out of shape.
02:05:43.000 Don't get me wrong.
02:05:44.000 But he wasn't shredded.
02:05:45.000 He wasn't like, look at him here.
02:05:48.000 He just walked him down like it was nothing.
02:05:51.000 Actually, he looks pretty fit there.
02:05:53.000 He looks pretty fit.
02:05:53.000 I'll take it back.
02:05:54.000 Maybe it was in my mind.
02:05:55.000 I decided that he looked smooth.
02:05:57.000 But he, I mean, when you watch...
02:05:59.000 Look at him smiling.
02:06:00.000 When you watched all those 24-7 Documentaries he was his thing was like he always just loved to go to the gym.
02:06:06.000 Yeah, dude I mean he's not as ripped as he's been in other fights, but he still looks pretty good.
02:06:10.000 Yeah, but the point is like he's so relaxed dude He's so much better than this guy if by the way if tension could kick him. 0.99
02:06:17.000 Yeah, he'd be fucked and I'm being 100% fucked. 0.99
02:06:20.000 Would they ever do that fight? 1.00
02:06:21.000 No. 0.98
02:06:22.000 Tension would fuck him up. 0.99
02:06:23.000 Like, listen to me, 100% he would fuck him up. 0.99
02:06:25.000 See where Floyd's leg is right there? 1.00
02:06:27.000 100% Tension would fuck that leg up. 0.98
02:06:31.000 100%. 0.98
02:06:31.000 And then you could only take a few of those. 0.98
02:06:33.000 Like, look, okay, just boxing, Floyd has let him survive for a minute, right? 0.99
02:06:37.000 And if this was kickboxing and Tension could kick his legs, This fight would be in grave danger of being stopped because Floyd would be fucked. 0.98
02:06:47.000 His legs would be falling apart and this dude would be chopping at him. 0.98
02:06:50.000 And look at this.
02:06:51.000 So that was the one.
02:06:52.000 They said, dude, that's fake.
02:06:53.000 That's fake.
02:06:53.000 I go, what are you talking about?
02:06:55.000 That's one of the greatest boxers the world has ever known against a guy who's like 15 pounds, 20 pounds lighter than him. 1.00
02:07:01.000 Just looking around like, fuck. 0.99
02:07:02.000 And he's a young kid. 1.00
02:07:03.000 I think at this time he was in his, I want to say he was in his early 20s.
02:07:08.000 When you have fights like that, like the original UFC's...
02:07:11.000 Look at him fire back, though.
02:07:12.000 The kid's a prodigy in kickboxing.
02:07:15.000 He's getting rocked on the side.
02:07:17.000 My worry was that this defeat was so crushing, the way it happened, was so absolute, the way Floyd just sort of walked him down with his...
02:07:25.000 He didn't even try to not get hit.
02:07:27.000 He just had no respect for him. 1.00
02:07:29.000 Anybody that thinks that's not real is out of their fucking mind. 0.99
02:07:33.000 But I got a lot of people calling me. 0.99
02:07:35.000 A lot of people go, bro, you gotta see it's a fixed fight. 1.00
02:07:37.000 Dude, the one that lands that puts him down, you're like, hell, fuck, dude, please stay down. 0.99
02:07:42.000 Look, it's still going on. 1.00
02:07:43.000 He's like, Jesus, what did I sign up for?
02:07:45.000 This is the thing.
02:07:45.000 He knocks him down three times.
02:07:48.000 So Floyd's just walking him down.
02:07:49.000 I mean, he's not even using any of his boxing.
02:07:51.000 He's got his hands up, and he's just looking for openings to crack him, and then he cracks him again. 0.99
02:07:55.000 Damn. 0.99
02:07:55.000 I think that's it. 0.99
02:07:56.000 I think it's a three-knockdown thing.
02:07:57.000 But there's no, I mean, obviously not Floyd Mayweather, but there's no way they would do that, right?
02:08:01.000 With kickboxing?
02:08:02.000 No, Floyd wouldn't do that.
02:08:03.000 Floyd would have to be broke.
02:08:04.000 He'd have to be broke and they'd have to pull up the Brinks truck, but it's not good. 0.96
02:08:07.000 It wouldn't be good.
02:08:08.000 It's not good.
02:08:09.000 Just because it changes, it adds a whole different element.
02:08:11.000 Changes everything.
02:08:11.000 Changes everything.
02:08:12.000 Now what about if you added like a kickboxer wrestler, like with the first UFC? It depends on what kind of puncher you're talking about.
02:08:18.000 So like if Mike Tyson fought a kickboxer, You still would bet on Mike Tyson in his prime, because Mike Tyson would close the distance and smash that guy with one or two punches so quick that the leg kicks wouldn't matter. 0.99
02:08:30.000 He would just be on you, and before you knew it, it was a swarm of knuckles, and you're fucked. 0.99
02:08:37.000 But Floyd is a technician. 1.00
02:08:39.000 Floyd's not like a one-punch, just smash-everybody guy. 0.99
02:08:43.000 He finds his spots, picks you apart, and fucks you up. 0.98
02:08:46.000 That takes time. 0.99
02:08:48.000 Yeah.
02:08:49.000 This guy set it up.
02:08:50.000 And when a guy's kicking your legs, you don't have any time.
02:08:52.000 You have no time.
02:08:53.000 So the only guys who I think, like Shannon Briggs, he fought Tom Erickson in a kickboxing fight, and Tom Erickson kicked his legs.
02:09:01.000 But Tom Erickson was more of an MMA fighter.
02:09:04.000 He was really a really good wrestler, a big giant wrestler.
02:09:06.000 But Shannon Briggs starches people with one punch. 1.00
02:09:09.000 It's a very particular kind of power you have to have to get in there with a kickboxer, I think.
02:09:14.000 Because the danger of just getting your legs removed, it's too hard.
02:09:18.000 If you're not used to it, you have to train for a long time to accept and check them, and also you have to condition your legs to be able to get beaten up like that.
02:09:26.000 Yeah, don't they roll out the nerves and stuff in their shins and stuff to be able to get kicked?
02:09:31.000 No, they just kick things. 0.75
02:09:34.000 They just kick things?
02:09:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:09:35.000 Fuck, just go kick stuff. 1.00
02:09:36.000 I mean, over time, it definitely gets harder just from clashing shins and hitting elbows and hitting knees. 1.00
02:09:42.000 What happens is you get these micro-fractures all over the tops of your shins from colliding with things.
02:09:48.000 It's like having cauliflower ear, but all over your shin.
02:09:52.000 Oh, okay.
02:09:52.000 That's what it's like.
02:09:53.000 I think for me, the biggest thing would probably be to stop saying, ow.
02:09:57.000 I think they just get numb, but they still break their shins. 0.99
02:10:00.000 Like, world-class kickboxers still break their fucking shins. 0.99
02:10:02.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:10:02.000 And fall down with their leg, like, dangling. 0.99
02:10:04.000 Yeah, man, like that Anderson Silva water.
02:10:05.000 Yeah, that's a perfect example. 0.99
02:10:07.000 Anderson Silva is an elite striker, and he still cracked his fucking leg in half. 0.99
02:10:13.000 Tyrone Spong. 0.98
02:10:14.000 There was this guy, Gokhan Saki, and Tyrone Spong fought, and Tyrone Spong was top of the food chain kickboxer.
02:10:19.000 And he threw this leg kick, and Gokhan checked it, and his leg just went stiff.
02:10:24.000 Chris Weidman, right?
02:10:25.000 Yeah, Chris Weidman.
02:10:26.000 I remember that one recently. 0.99
02:10:27.000 World champion MMA fighter still broke his fucking shin. 0.99
02:10:30.000 I mean, don't think his shins are conditioned? 1.00
02:10:31.000 They're conditioned as fuck. 1.00
02:10:33.000 Doesn't matter. 1.00
02:10:34.000 It's still bone, you know? 0.99
02:10:35.000 These couch warriors are like, fucking broke his leg. 1.00
02:10:38.000 Fucking pussy. 1.00
02:10:39.000 Now you should drink more milk, bro. 1.00
02:10:41.000 Dude, milk is delicious.
02:10:42.000 Drink more milk.
02:10:43.000 Yeah.
02:10:44.000 Drink more milk and apparently... 1.00
02:10:46.000 Just get your fucking leg broken, dude. 1.00
02:10:48.000 That's got to be insane to have your leg snap like that. 1.00
02:10:50.000 Have it wrap around.
02:10:52.000 Conor McGregor.
02:10:52.000 Yeah.
02:10:54.000 Conor had a fucked up leg going into that fight, it turns out. 0.97
02:10:56.000 They think he had a stress fracture on that before, you know, he even threw the first kick in the fight. 0.98
02:11:01.000 And it just breaks.
02:11:02.000 It just snapped off.
02:11:02.000 I mean, because there was no, like, big moment where it looked like, oh, that makes sense that that would break a leg.
02:11:07.000 Yeah.
02:11:07.000 There was no moment like that.
02:11:08.000 Just a small check.
02:11:09.000 Like, the Weidman fight was, like, super clear.
02:11:10.000 Yeah.
02:11:10.000 The Uriah Hall checks it, and the thing just snapped.
02:11:13.000 Oh, yeah, dude. 0.98
02:11:14.000 It looked like a fucking Stretch Armstrong arm. 1.00
02:11:16.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:11:16.000 Where it wrapped around. 1.00
02:11:18.000 See, Chris Weidman's move was, if I just full power leg kick you in the calf with the first kick, you're fucked. 1.00
02:11:26.000 Like, you're gonna be fucked, and then I'm gonna jump on you. 1.00
02:11:29.000 And Uriah Hall's a skillful striker. 1.00
02:11:32.000 He just knew how to check it.
02:11:33.000 He just checked it.
02:11:35.000 That was a tough one.
02:11:35.000 That's one of the ones where I remember, like, you know, I do shows on Saturdays.
02:11:40.000 Let's watch that.
02:11:41.000 Let's watch it again. 1.00
02:11:41.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
02:11:42.000 All right. 1.00
02:11:43.000 Chris Weidman.
02:11:44.000 I almost...
02:11:44.000 Because it's a cautionary tale.
02:11:46.000 Oh, dude.
02:11:47.000 It's a cautionary tale of this.
02:11:49.000 You don't play fighting.
02:11:51.000 That's the best way to describe it. 0.93
02:11:55.000 Anderson Silva, when he broke it on Chris Weidman, it was the same night as a Rousey fight, and I was coming back from the road, so I DVR'd the fucking event, and I was very excited to watch that. 0.90
02:12:07.000 Let's hold this thought. 0.98
02:12:09.000 Let's tell this story when we come back, because I've got to take a piss.
02:12:11.000 I've been holding it in for the last 10 minutes.
02:12:12.000 I'm going to take a piss, too.
02:12:12.000 All right, we'll take a piss.
02:12:13.000 We'll be right back.
02:12:15.000 You're going to talk about Anderson Silva breaking his leg against Chris Weidman.
02:12:18.000 We'll be right back.
02:12:20.000 And we're back.
02:12:21.000 Well, I just want to thank you, as someone that's listened to your podcast, for finally answering the question if you take piss breaks or not.
02:12:27.000 Yes, we take piss breaks.
02:12:28.000 Yeah, if you have to.
02:12:30.000 I always tell everybody, just say it, it's no big deal.
02:12:32.000 I wonder, how many guests do you think you've had that people have to piss, but they're just like...
02:12:37.000 A lot.
02:12:37.000 A lot that are like...
02:12:38.000 I see them squirming.
02:12:39.000 I start to see them squirming.
02:12:40.000 You can see it in their eyes.
02:12:41.000 Yeah, they're trying to keep it together, but they're getting distracted. 1.00
02:12:43.000 Say it, motherfucker. 1.00
02:12:44.000 And they're like... 1.00
02:12:45.000 I should probably tell more people, if you have to pee, just say it, it's no big deal.
02:12:49.000 Yeah, I think you gotta lead it.
02:12:51.000 Dude, you were like, I gotta piss. 1.00
02:12:52.000 I was like, fuck yes. 1.00
02:12:53.000 Yeah, it was getting to the point where I couldn't concentrate. 1.00
02:12:55.000 I was like squeezing my testicles, area, whatever I have down there. 0.99
02:13:01.000 Fucking shut the tube. 1.00
02:13:02.000 Whatever that pipe is. 1.00
02:13:03.000 Shut the fucking tube. 1.00
02:13:04.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, this is getting rough. 1.00
02:13:07.000 This is the Chris Weidman one. 0.98
02:13:08.000 This is the Weidman break, but before the Weidman break, Anderson Silva, when he broke it on Weidman, I had it DVR'd, and I came home, and my fucking roommate was having a party. 0.97
02:13:17.000 He didn't tell me that was going to happen. 0.70
02:13:19.000 Our other roommate, our third roommate, who's not a comic.
02:13:21.000 And I was coming back from the road, so I was tired.
02:13:24.000 And I was like, dude, I don't want this party. 0.96
02:13:25.000 And so he wasn't even fucking there. 0.98
02:13:27.000 His friends were there. 0.98
02:13:28.000 And so I kicked everyone out. 0.99
02:13:29.000 I'm like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99
02:13:30.000 His friends were partying at your house? 1.00
02:13:32.000 Yes, and he had left to go meet a girl.
02:13:33.000 This is like 2012, 2011. And I'm like, dude, get the fuck out of here. 0.98
02:13:37.000 How many people? 0.94
02:13:39.000 Ten.
02:13:40.000 Just hanging around at your house?
02:13:42.000 Dude, and I came back from here.
02:13:42.000 And then none of them lived there but you?
02:13:44.000 No.
02:13:44.000 And my spider sense went off.
02:13:45.000 How weird is that? 0.99
02:13:46.000 I was at the fucking baggage claim and I was like this. 0.99
02:13:48.000 What if he has a party? 0.99
02:13:50.000 And you know that thing where you get yourself mad?
02:13:51.000 Where you're like, I know exactly what I'd do.
02:13:54.000 And then you come home and there's a really party.
02:13:56.000 And I look and I go, where is he?
02:13:57.000 Where's Pete?
02:13:58.000 And they're like, he's not here.
02:13:59.000 He went to meet up with a girl.
02:14:00.000 And I was like...
02:14:01.000 So you came home to a party that was going on without Pete?
02:14:05.000 Yeah, he had left, and he had gone to meet up, and there was people, it was his friends.
02:14:09.000 A couple of them I had met, but most of them I didn't know.
02:14:11.000 So I'm like, hey, dude, his friend that I knew saw my face.
02:14:14.000 I put my luggage, I put my suitcase in my room, and he's like, hey, everybody.
02:14:19.000 He was cool.
02:14:19.000 He got everyone out.
02:14:20.000 I had to take a walk. 0.97
02:14:21.000 I was so fucking, I've never taken a walk, because I'm so mad. 0.99
02:14:25.000 So, Get high. 0.99
02:14:27.000 Get food.
02:14:28.000 Put on the pay-per-view.
02:14:29.000 Watch all the fights. 0.99
02:14:31.000 Pete comes home at the start of the Weidman-Anderson Silva fight and we start fucking screaming at each other. 1.00
02:14:37.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:14:38.000 You having a fucking party here? 1.00
02:14:39.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:14:41.000 Anderson Silva's legs break. 1.00
02:14:42.000 We both go...
02:14:43.000 Oh! 0.60
02:14:44.000 It was on the DVD. We were both like two dice clays. 0.57
02:14:48.000 Like, oh!
02:14:49.000 Stop the fight.
02:14:50.000 We both sat down. 1.00
02:14:51.000 We were like, what the fuck? 0.99
02:14:53.000 And then it's one of those things where you know how guys just are like, all right, don't do that again. 1.00
02:14:56.000 You bonded?
02:14:56.000 Yeah.
02:14:57.000 We were like, holy shit. 1.00
02:14:58.000 But we were like, fuck you, dude. 1.00
02:14:59.000 I was like, you're not allowed to have friends over anymore. 1.00
02:15:02.000 Like, I'm his fucking dad. 1.00
02:15:02.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious. 1.00
02:15:03.000 He's like, fuck you. 1.00
02:15:04.000 We were like yelling at each other in that break. 1.00
02:15:05.000 I was like, oh shit. 0.99
02:15:07.000 That's a weird one, though, when you have roommates and you come home and there's a gang of people in your house. 1.00
02:15:11.000 Like, ugh.
02:15:12.000 Yeah, especially because I hadn't quit drinking yet, so it's much more forgiving when you drink, because you're like, hey, party!
02:15:17.000 When did you quit?
02:15:19.000 2013. Oh.
02:15:21.000 I quit.
02:15:21.000 Joe List, Nate and I, that was our running, that was our drinking crew.
02:15:25.000 Oh, yeah?
02:15:25.000 And Joe, we all quit.
02:15:27.000 All of us are done.
02:15:27.000 Norman's the last of the Mohicans.
02:15:29.000 Norman's the last one from our group that's filled boozes.
02:15:32.000 He likes to get drunk.
02:15:33.000 He likes it.
02:15:34.000 He likes his booze.
02:15:35.000 He likes to party.
02:15:37.000 Yeah, Norman's fun.
02:15:38.000 We used to...
02:15:40.000 But List quit. 0.94
02:15:42.000 And then he was the first person I ever met that quit drinking booze and was like, it's fucking awesome.
02:15:49.000 Everyone else was white knuckling it. 0.93
02:15:51.000 Gotta work the program.
02:15:52.000 You gotta do this and this.
02:15:53.000 List was my first friend that's like, you're gonna get better at comedy?
02:15:57.000 You're gonna like life better.
02:15:59.000 That's what we were talking about that, but we didn't finish earlier.
02:16:01.000 We were talking about a tell so tell Did insomniac and you know, he was always partying always drinking.
02:16:09.000 Yeah and So I'm in LA at the improv one night.
02:16:14.000 He was hammered and he was looking for an after-hour spot and then then it was like very soon after that they decided to sober up and And then I saw him maybe a year later.
02:16:24.000 I'm like, oh my god.
02:16:26.000 His act is so tight and sharp.
02:16:29.000 And I'm like, he's still more dedicated to stand-up now.
02:16:34.000 He's got more time. 0.99
02:16:35.000 He's not feeling like shit all the time. 0.99
02:16:36.000 Exactly. 0.98
02:16:37.000 I started recently, I want to say since COVID, I used to smoke weed before every set.
02:16:44.000 Like before headlining sets, in between shows, go smoke a joint.
02:16:49.000 Stop doing that when I'm headlining.
02:16:51.000 And it almost was the same benefit.
02:16:53.000 Really?
02:16:53.000 Yeah, I could think.
02:16:54.000 I like getting high during 15 minute sets in the city.
02:16:57.000 If I'm at the cellar.
02:16:58.000 Right, for fun.
02:16:58.000 Yeah, smoke a bowl.
02:16:59.000 Try this bit.
02:17:00.000 I'm gonna try this out.
02:17:01.000 Let's play around.
02:17:02.000 Right.
02:17:02.000 But like now I'm getting to the point where I want people that come out to have a great show.
02:17:05.000 So I want to be the best, you know, and I want to do really well.
02:17:08.000 Right.
02:17:08.000 So it's like if I stopped smoking weed and it became better shows and more fun after the show to be like, after that late show, you're like...
02:17:16.000 That's interesting.
02:17:17.000 I smoke a spliff. 1.00
02:17:18.000 Your 15-minute sets, you fuck around. 1.00
02:17:22.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:17:23.000 And so you feel like in a 15-minute set, maybe the marijuana helps you a little bit?
02:17:27.000 Absolutely.
02:17:27.000 I loosen up.
02:17:28.000 You know, Big Jay will always say he makes references he normally wouldn't make when he's high.
02:17:32.000 And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense.
02:17:33.000 Because you're feeling it.
02:17:34.000 You're kind of feeling it in a different way.
02:17:36.000 Well, your brain's tuned into a different thing.
02:17:39.000 But it's so interesting to me how differently it affects people.
02:17:46.000 Just the way they talk about it.
02:17:49.000 Some people get super lazy on it.
02:17:51.000 Some people get super motivated.
02:17:52.000 They start thinking, oh my god, what am I doing with my life?
02:17:54.000 And they start getting weirded out by that.
02:17:57.000 That's always kind of what it's been for me where I get high.
02:17:59.000 I mean, I'm great at being lazy.
02:18:01.000 But I also...
02:18:03.000 I'll get high and then immediately be like, alright, I gotta get better jokes. 0.97
02:18:08.000 It just goes to the default programming where I'm like, I have to fucking write better jokes. 0.99
02:18:14.000 No matter the show, I'll like three of the jokes and then four of the bits I'll be like, what the fuck? 0.99
02:18:18.000 It's time to get going. 0.98
02:18:19.000 Yeah, time to get going. 0.60
02:18:20.000 And when you're around people like, you know, Shane and Big J and fucking Sam Marill and Mark Norman, you're seeing these people do jokes that you're like, or List. 0.98
02:18:29.000 List will come out with like 10 minutes, I'm like, fucking, let's go. 0.99
02:18:32.000 I gotta go. 0.99
02:18:33.000 Or go watch Colin in a tell.
02:18:35.000 It's like, that's good, that motivation.
02:18:36.000 But weed, for me, adds the extra, like, remember, You gotta write better jokes.
02:18:42.000 Well, it's so much better than the things that make you confident.
02:18:46.000 The things that make you confident are dangerous.
02:18:49.000 Or booze, and you get Mike Tyson punching on you on a JetBlue flight. 1.00
02:18:53.000 That guy's probably on a bunch of shit. 1.00
02:18:55.000 The guy who Mike Tyson punched, apparently, according to the New York Post, Has a lengthy criminal history. 1.00
02:19:02.000 Well, in that case, if he's had a lot of fuck-ups and he's a bad person or whatever, he's going to go to jail, at least he got to get his ass kicked by a famous person. 0.99
02:19:11.000 If you find yourself or Mike Tyson's reaching over the back of an airline seat and punching you in the face, I think you probably earned it. 0.99
02:19:19.000 I think he probably earned it.
02:19:20.000 Yeah, I don't think he...
02:19:22.000 Did you climb into a lion's...
02:19:25.000 I don't think it was for kicking his chair, you know?
02:19:27.000 Right.
02:19:27.000 I don't think it was...
02:19:28.000 He said fucking... 0.99
02:19:29.000 The guy was super annoying, man. 1.00
02:19:30.000 Yeah, and he was like over the thing.
02:19:32.000 You just can't...
02:19:32.000 Yeah, it's like people get crazy.
02:19:34.000 They think that just because he's, you know, he's Mike Tyson, he's famous, he can't just punch you.
02:19:40.000 Yeah.
02:19:41.000 You're annoying him. 1.00
02:19:42.000 He's gonna just fucking hit you like a normal person would. 1.00
02:19:44.000 You know hecklers do that though. 1.00
02:19:46.000 Yeah.
02:19:47.000 You know that. 1.00
02:19:47.000 They'll be talking and you're like, hey, shut the fuck up. 1.00
02:19:50.000 Right. 1.00
02:19:52.000 You can't talk.
02:19:54.000 Yeah.
02:19:54.000 They didn't bring you down here.
02:19:56.000 They didn't put you up at the fucking extended stay. 0.98
02:19:59.000 They're not amplifying you and stop. 0.99
02:20:01.000 Stop talking.
02:20:02.000 That's why booze, when people are like, when I have friends, they're like, I'm coming to your show, dude.
02:20:05.000 We're going to the bar first.
02:20:06.000 No.
02:20:07.000 Don't! 0.57
02:20:08.000 Don't! 0.57
02:20:08.000 Who wants to get drunk and sit silently in a dark room? 0.57
02:20:11.000 No one.
02:20:12.000 You wanna get drunk and go pay attention?
02:20:13.000 Not only that, like, if there's a guy who thinks he might be funny, that's the time.
02:20:18.000 They all think they're funny.
02:20:19.000 Yeah, they wanna...
02:20:20.000 I don't know what to say!
02:20:21.000 I gotcha!
02:20:22.000 And then, you know, the classic after the show, I helped.
02:20:25.000 And you're like, man.
02:20:26.000 I helped.
02:20:27.000 Yeah, I wonder if that guy was like, I helped that flight.
02:20:29.000 That guy that got beat up?
02:20:31.000 I was helping that flight.
02:20:32.000 I made it entertaining for everyone.
02:20:34.000 Did you see the lady that got duct tape on a flight? 1.00
02:20:36.000 Great.
02:20:36.000 They duct taped her face.
02:20:38.000 Very funny.
02:20:39.000 That's wild, man.
02:20:40.000 Yeah, they run a frat in the sky.
02:20:42.000 What do you have to do to get your face duct taped? 1.00
02:20:44.000 You gotta be saying some crazy shit where they're like, dude, fucking duct tape her. 1.00
02:20:47.000 What is she doing? 1.00
02:20:48.000 I fucking, I did it like the Sopranos. 0.99
02:20:52.000 It's just like takes. 0.99
02:20:53.000 Hot takes.
02:20:55.000 I'll say it right now.
02:20:56.000 Bryan Cranston wasn't that great in Breaking Bad.
02:20:59.000 Everyone's like... 1.00
02:21:00.000 Yeah, you've got to be an obnoxious asshole to get duct taped. 1.00
02:21:04.000 I want to know what they said she said. 1.00
02:21:07.000 Yeah, anybody out there...
02:21:08.000 Did they duct tape your mouth?
02:21:09.000 If you hear that, please reach out to us.
02:21:11.000 Tell us.
02:21:12.000 Am I imagining that they duct taped her mouth?
02:21:14.000 Or did they really duct tape her mouth? 1.00
02:21:15.000 Yeah, they got it. 1.00
02:21:15.000 Yeah, they fucking duct taped her mouth. 1.00
02:21:16.000 Damn, dude. 1.00
02:21:17.000 Did she sue? 1.00
02:21:19.000 I don't know, man.
02:21:20.000 I think she's in trouble.
02:21:21.000 Look at this.
02:21:23.000 She got fined $82,000. 1.00
02:21:25.000 Damn. 0.99
02:21:26.000 Woman duct taped aboard American Airlines flight faces record $82,000. 1.00
02:21:31.000 AA fine.
02:21:32.000 Oh, yeah.
02:21:33.000 She tried to go for the door, dude. 1.00
02:21:35.000 So the FAA is going to fine her, but does that...
02:21:39.000 Is that for sure?
02:21:40.000 The woman assaulted and bit a flight attendant after she attempted to open the forward boarding door. 1.00
02:21:45.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:21:46.000 Okay. 0.99
02:21:47.000 We're restrained for the safety and the security of other customers in our crew.
02:21:51.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:21:51.000 Damn, dude. 1.00
02:21:52.000 Someone going for the door. 1.00
02:21:54.000 So she bit somebody.
02:21:55.000 That's why they did her mouth. 1.00
02:21:56.000 She could be heard screaming, you, you, you, at passengers, filing past her as flight attendants calmly nodded their goodbyes.
02:22:06.000 Oh, wow.
02:22:06.000 So she's screaming at them while they're walking by.
02:22:08.000 Oh, it wasn't in the air, though.
02:22:10.000 Okay.
02:22:11.000 Oh, it wasn't?
02:22:12.000 No, I think they were grounded.
02:22:15.000 Oh, they were on the way to fly?
02:22:16.000 Which almost is like...
02:22:17.000 So before they even got in the air? 1.00
02:22:19.000 If they were grounded and they duct taped her, you're a fucking asshole! 1.00
02:22:24.000 They duct taped her when she was on the ground. 1.00
02:22:27.000 That's the best part.
02:22:28.000 They should lead with that.
02:22:30.000 Oh, here it is.
02:22:31.000 Agency said she attempted to hug and kiss another passenger, tried to exit the plane mid-flight.
02:22:35.000 Oh, she was in the flight.
02:22:36.000 Oh, okay.
02:22:37.000 She was on the flight.
02:22:37.000 All right, never mind.
02:22:38.000 So tried to exit the plane mid-flight and bit another flyer multiple times before the crew restrained her. 1.00
02:22:44.000 Damn. 1.00
02:22:46.000 What? 1.00
02:22:46.000 Is it a different lady? 1.00
02:22:47.000 Yeah.
02:22:48.000 Is it a different lady? 1.00
02:22:49.000 Against a woman that says, I propose to find the second largest ever against a woman on a Delta flight. 0.99
02:22:54.000 Okay, so it's a different flight.
02:22:55.000 So duct tape lady wasn't the lady from Las Vegas to Atlanta. 0.99
02:22:58.000 Okay, so this is a second flight.
02:23:00.000 Oh, I see.
02:23:02.000 Okay.
02:23:02.000 So this one, this is only 2021. She's biting people.
02:23:06.000 We're setting new records.
02:23:07.000 There's another story where there is like the duct taping.
02:23:10.000 It's been happening to multiple people.
02:23:12.000 There's a mail that happened to. 1.00
02:23:14.000 He was talking shit like my parents. 1.00
02:23:15.000 What, they just duct tape people now? 1.00
02:23:16.000 Yeah, dude, and then you're in Sigma Chi.
02:23:18.000 That's how it happens.
02:23:19.000 So, what did they do to the lady? 0.94
02:23:21.000 If that was the lady that was on the ground that got duct taped like that, so if the other story was another person that bit a bunch of people, what did this lady do that they didn't just remove her from the plane? 0.99
02:23:32.000 They just said, no, bitch, you're staying here. 1.00
02:23:34.000 Yeah, you're gonna fucking fly. 1.00
02:23:36.000 If it's on the ground, that sounds so insane. 1.00
02:23:38.000 You just pop the door open and get her the fuck out. 1.00
02:23:40.000 Yeah, you open the door, you call the cops, they get her out. 0.99
02:23:42.000 They duct taped her. 1.00
02:23:44.000 We have to fly this lady here. 1.00
02:23:45.000 That makes no sense.
02:23:47.000 Is that, are we right here? 1.00
02:23:49.000 Yeah, she was saying, yeah, she was, I think she was just fucking crazy. 0.99
02:23:53.000 Oh my god. 0.98
02:23:54.000 Can you use that excuse anymore? 1.00
02:23:55.000 Was she just fucking crazy? 0.99
02:23:56.000 Well, there's levels to that, okay, and don't be ableist, Dan Sawyer. 1.00
02:24:00.000 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, shades of crazy.
02:24:02.000 Duct taped, video shows woman duct taped a seat after trying to open airplane door. 0.99
02:24:07.000 And apparently, this is great, I love the post covering their ass, an apparently unhinged woman, You know, she's just, apparently. 1.00
02:24:15.000 That's a cute thing. 1.00
02:24:16.000 Dude, she's fucking taped to a chair. 1.00
02:24:18.000 That is wild. 1.00
02:24:19.000 As everyone's getting off.
02:24:21.000 Would you keep filming her?
02:24:23.000 Like, would you sit right in front of her and try to go to her like you would a zombie? 0.59
02:24:25.000 Like, if you saw a zombie.
02:24:27.000 Yeah.
02:24:27.000 And there was a zombie that was chained up in someone's basement.
02:24:30.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:24:30.000 And I'd be like, holy shit, it's a real zombie. 0.99
02:24:33.000 I'd be like, you know what, bitch? 1.00
02:24:34.000 What? 1.00
02:24:35.000 I'd want to see.
02:24:35.000 Ah!
02:24:37.000 Showing those dead teeth.
02:24:38.000 If I knew the zombie could not break free, you sure he can't break free?
02:24:41.000 I might get close to him. 1.00
02:24:42.000 I'd be like, fuck you, bitch. 1.00
02:24:44.000 Eat it. 1.00
02:24:44.000 Yeah, I might be thinking. 1.00
02:24:45.000 You want brains?
02:24:46.000 You want brains?
02:24:47.000 See? 1.00
02:24:47.000 You should hate brains, motherfucker. 1.00
02:24:48.000 You wouldn't be here right now. 1.00
02:24:49.000 Stop being in the fucking head. 1.00
02:24:50.000 I've seen this show. 1.00
02:24:51.000 They're like, here, they give you a Louisville.
02:24:53.000 They're like, take a swing at him. 1.00
02:24:54.000 You hit him in the leg.
02:24:55.000 So if you were on this flight, would you just put the camera in front of her and not say anything?
02:24:59.000 I would honestly think of... 1.00
02:25:01.000 Fuck you! 1.00
02:25:02.000 I would think of something fun to say. 1.00
02:25:05.000 I would want a good parting...
02:25:07.000 Right.
02:25:08.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?
02:25:09.000 It seems like you'd want to focus on her for a few seconds.
02:25:10.000 According to this person, here's the scene.
02:25:14.000 It sounds kind of crazy.
02:25:15.000 Two-hour flight July 6th from Dallas-Fort Worth to Charlotte, North Carolina had been delayed for at least three hours before it finally departed at midnight, but about an hour into the trip, chaos broke out.
02:25:27.000 This woman said that in a subsequent video describing the hectic scene, flight attendants began turning on the lights around 1.30 a.m., she said, and we see all flight attendants running up and down the aisles frantically, kind of like whispering to each other.
02:25:41.000 The plane's crew began locking bathrooms, grabbing bags from overhead bins and wouldn't say what was happening.
02:25:47.000 It was just kind of like chaos, and no one knows what's going on, she continued.
02:25:52.000 Finally, the pilot spoke over the intercom, asking people to stay in their seats, referencing to a bad situation in the plane right now, according to the passenger.
02:26:00.000 Then we're gradually starting to hear more and more screaming, and we're like, wait a minute, she noted.
02:26:07.000 Just as the plane was about to land, a flight attendant who sat near them explained that a woman with an apparent mental issue had an outburst like had the urge to get off the plane and she was saying, I need to get off this plane and she went up to the exits and started banging on the doors saying,
02:26:24.000 you need to let me off this plane!
02:26:27.000 I guess it took five flight attendants to subdue her and like literally take her down. 1.00
02:26:32.000 So she said of the incident, which was first reported by TMC, they pretty much took her down, put her in the seat and duct taped her. 0.99
02:26:40.000 Damn. 0.99
02:26:40.000 Dude, if you're... 0.99
02:26:41.000 What they don't talk about is the first guy that noticed...
02:26:46.000 Because she's not telling people what she's doing. 0.99
02:26:48.000 She just runs up to the door. 1.00
02:26:50.000 Someone's got to notice it.
02:26:51.000 Oh my God.
02:26:52.000 And you're just reading your magazine and you're like...
02:26:55.000 Has anybody ever opened up one of those doors?
02:26:57.000 I don't know that's a I mean That's gonna suck everyone out right that would just be a I wonder how easy it is to do Probably not that easy because they always talk about the weight of the door and you got the pressure of being in the sky I wonder if you can open it while the plane is moving like I wonder if there's some fail safes well I hate going with the impossibility and being like,
02:27:19.000 you can't do it, but it's physically impossible to open a door mid-flight.
02:27:23.000 Well, what if you're like Thor?
02:27:24.000 Thor Bjornsson.
02:27:26.000 What if you're a son of Odin?
02:27:28.000 What if you're like Eddie Hall, like one of those gigantic powerlifter strongman dudes?
02:27:32.000 At cruising altitude, I should say.
02:27:34.000 Okay, so up at like 30,000 feet.
02:27:36.000 Impossible?
02:27:37.000 That's...
02:27:38.000 According to this, Business Insider, which, you know, best source for this information.
02:27:43.000 Airplane doors are impossible to open at cruising altitude, which is about 36,000 feet.
02:27:47.000 Pressurization mimic conditions at 8,000 feet above sea level to keep passengers alive. 0.98
02:27:52.000 Imagine having the balls to know that this person you're traveling with is completely insane. 0.98
02:27:58.000 Maybe you're dating this lady. 0.99
02:27:59.000 And she's like, I've got to get off this plane.
02:28:01.000 I've got to get off this plane! 1.00
02:28:03.000 Shut up, Rachel. 1.00
02:28:03.000 And she runs to the door. 1.00
02:28:04.000 But you know the physics?
02:28:06.000 Yeah.
02:28:06.000 So you just go like, yeah?
02:28:08.000 What are you going to do?
02:28:09.000 You're just doing a boyfriend in an argument thing?
02:28:11.000 Are you going to leave?
02:28:11.000 You're going to open the door in the middle of the flight?
02:28:14.000 Let's address this.
02:28:15.000 Does that seem smart?
02:28:16.000 Can we talk about this?
02:28:16.000 Or are you going to try to open the door?
02:28:18.000 Do you think maybe that's selfish to the other fucking people on the plane that you just want to fly to the ground and everybody else has to... 0.97
02:28:23.000 The guy behind you going, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't prove nothing. 0.99
02:28:26.000 Get her. 0.58
02:28:27.000 Get her. 0.58
02:28:27.000 Get your girl. 0.58
02:28:28.000 What's going on?
02:28:29.000 Don't prove nothing. 1.00
02:28:31.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00
02:28:33.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:28:34.000 Yeah.
02:28:35.000 That would be terrifying to witness. 1.00
02:28:37.000 Because again, you don't know how strong this bitch is. 1.00
02:28:39.000 You know how strong this lady is? 1.00
02:28:42.000 People are crazy.
02:28:43.000 They're really strong. 0.99
02:28:44.000 They rip their arms apart trying to do something.
02:28:46.000 Dude, if she did a bump of PCP before that plane took off and then it was like, I'm going to start cooking at 30,000. 1.00
02:28:52.000 My boxing coach got his finger bitten off on PCP and had it replaced with his toe.
02:28:57.000 What?
02:28:57.000 Which toe?
02:28:58.000 His second toe.
02:29:00.000 Next to the big toe.
02:29:01.000 My toes are so weird.
02:29:02.000 That became his index finger.
02:29:03.000 And he had it curved permanently so he could throw right hooks.
02:29:07.000 Wait, so his hand just looks like this?
02:29:09.000 So when you shook his hand, he had this going on.
02:29:12.000 So it was like a toe.
02:29:13.000 He never really shook his hand, but he got a finger in there.
02:29:16.000 So the toe was this part?
02:29:17.000 Yes.
02:29:18.000 The toe was this part.
02:29:20.000 But it was permanently bent.
02:29:21.000 So you could pinch things with it, right?
02:29:23.000 But it was permanently bent.
02:29:25.000 It didn't straighten out.
02:29:26.000 It was like this.
02:29:26.000 But you could do most of the things you could do if you had a finger there.
02:29:30.000 But he got it bitten off in a street fight while he was on PCP. While he was on PCP? Yes.
02:29:35.000 That's why I walked away.
02:29:36.000 Oh my god.
02:29:37.000 Okay, after the cargo door tore off in flight, caused an explosive decompression and ejecting nine people from the plane.
02:29:45.000 Oh my god. 0.97
02:29:46.000 Damn, that was in 89? 0.99
02:29:48.000 I remember that. 1.00
02:29:49.000 Damn. 0.99
02:29:50.000 There was a flight and the people just got sucked out of the plane in mid-flight. 0.99
02:29:54.000 That was a Hawaii fright, right?
02:29:56.000 Yeah, going to Honolulu.
02:29:58.000 Yeah, that's it.
02:29:59.000 Or near Honolulu.
02:29:59.000 Oh my god, that's so scary.
02:30:00.000 Man, that fucking... 1.00
02:30:02.000 That always scared me when I saw it in movies. 1.00
02:30:04.000 Whenever they show that, they show the person just being like...
02:30:06.000 That's a wild way to die, bro.
02:30:10.000 But also, if you're ready for it, You could do some cool poses on the way out.
02:30:14.000 You could Superman on the way out.
02:30:16.000 I think your brain would be flooded with psychedelic chemicals.
02:30:20.000 Because you would absolutely 100% know you're going to die.
02:30:23.000 There's no way you're going to survive.
02:30:24.000 And you would probably get a golden geometric pattern that opens up and takes you straight to the afterlife.
02:30:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:30:33.000 You just come and shit at the same time. 1.00
02:30:35.000 Your body's like, let it all in. 1.00
02:30:37.000 And you just pass through.
02:30:39.000 And you pop on the other side on impact.
02:30:41.000 Boom! 0.99
02:30:42.000 Dude, and in reality, it just looks like a jelly sandwich hit the ground, whoever's near you.
02:30:46.000 They never talk about those.
02:30:47.000 Those people that watch people land.
02:30:50.000 Yeah, it's not good.
02:30:50.000 You're just like, oh, it's coming through the air.
02:30:52.000 It's not good.
02:30:53.000 Yeah, it's splattering.
02:30:54.000 We were talking the other day about the squirrel suit guy who slammed into the bridge.
02:31:01.000 Did you ever see that?
02:31:02.000 No, I saw the one where he went down and just didn't get the one.
02:31:06.000 Yeah, so he just goes...
02:31:08.000 This one guy hits a bridge, and it sounds like a car accident.
02:31:12.000 Because he hits this bridge going, who knows how fast they're going, like hundreds of miles an hour maybe.
02:31:17.000 It's like, probably over a 150 pound guy.
02:31:19.000 He thought he was gonna slide through the hole in the bridge, and he just didn't calculate it right, and he couldn't turn in time.
02:31:25.000 You know, those extreme sports are awesome, but you gotta pull through in order for it to be awesome.
02:31:30.000 Oh, bro, that is crazy.
02:31:32.000 It's so crazy.
02:31:33.000 And the screams of the people who realize what just happened.
02:31:37.000 It's like, because they came to see this guy triumphantly fly through the bridge in a squirrel suit.
02:31:42.000 And then you watch him get accordioned on a bridge.
02:31:44.000 Here he comes.
02:31:45.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
02:31:46.000 Just getting fucking stuffed. 0.99
02:31:47.000 Just the impact. 0.99
02:31:49.000 Yeah, that's gotta be...
02:31:50.000 That impact is so insane.
02:31:53.000 If you're standing on that bridge and you feel that...
02:31:56.000 Oh my god, you would totally feel it.
02:31:58.000 It would be like an asteroid.
02:31:59.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:32:01.000 It would be like a truck.
02:32:02.000 Boom! 0.99
02:32:03.000 Like a small, like a Pinto.
02:32:04.000 Right.
02:32:04.000 I mean, you know, obviously Pinto is much heavier than a human, but I'm saying like...
02:32:07.000 Listen to it.
02:32:07.000 I want you to listen to it.
02:32:08.000 Oh, well.
02:32:10.000 Okay, let me get that one first.
02:32:11.000 Well, we got one.
02:32:12.000 Well, this is like a guy that crashed and survived.
02:32:16.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:32:16.000 You can see the point where he crashes...
02:32:19.000 Is this a parachute guy or a wingsuit guy?
02:32:22.000 Same, same.
02:32:22.000 Wingsuit?
02:32:23.000 Okay, Jesus Christ!
02:32:25.000 He's gonna survive this?
02:32:27.000 Oh, yeah.
02:32:28.000 Boom.
02:32:29.000 So that's what he hits?
02:32:30.000 Yeah.
02:32:30.000 Impact!
02:32:33.000 Oh! 0.60
02:32:34.000 Oh my god, dude.
02:32:36.000 There's someone following him, so they have to have an angle, too.
02:32:38.000 Does he pull out of it?
02:32:39.000 No.
02:32:40.000 He just tumbles to the ground?
02:32:41.000 Yeah.
02:32:42.000 Oh, he's got a parachute.
02:32:45.000 But it wasn't open. 1.00
02:32:47.000 Damn, dude. 0.99
02:32:48.000 Do they have the audio of him being like... 1.00
02:32:49.000 Oh, my God.
02:32:53.000 Sun melted his wings.
02:32:54.000 Oh, that's the Icarus. 0.99
02:32:55.000 Oh, yeah, you put a deep quote on you fucking chomping it in a wingsuit. 1.00
02:32:59.000 Being a crazy person in a flying squirrel suit. 1.00
02:33:01.000 You put up that Icarus quote, right, when they see me eat grass. 1.00
02:33:04.000 Dude, that's fucking wild. 1.00
02:33:05.000 Doing those extreme shit like that. 1.00
02:33:07.000 But I was saying, if you're on that bridge and that guy hits you, I bet you get PTSD from that shit. 1.00
02:33:10.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
02:33:11.000 Yeah.
02:33:11.000 Yeah, I bet you wake up in the middle of the night.
02:33:13.000 You hear that thud? 1.00
02:33:15.000 You hear that thud, I bet you're like, knowing what it is, you're like, fuck. 1.00
02:33:19.000 Bridges are weird places to die. 1.00
02:33:22.000 Because you know you're not supposed to be there anyway.
02:33:25.000 Bridges are not supposed to be a place where you stay.
02:33:27.000 It's like, eh, just getting over here. 0.99
02:33:30.000 Climbing over this fucking water. 1.00
02:33:31.000 Keep moving. 1.00
02:33:32.000 Like, imagine if you could have a house on a fucking bridge. 0.99
02:33:35.000 So here's the guy. 1.00
02:33:36.000 Listen to this.
02:33:37.000 Listen.
02:33:39.000 No! 1.00
02:33:52.000 Damn. 1.00
02:33:52.000 Yeah, that guy hit... 1.00
02:33:56.000 Like, I thought he hit the side of the bridge. 0.99
02:33:59.000 I didn't realize he hit the fucking... 0.99
02:34:00.000 He hit whatever was on the top of the bridge. 1.00
02:34:03.000 Oh, man.
02:34:08.000 Oh, he did hit the side of the bridge!
02:34:13.000 Oh my god!
02:34:14.000 Oh, dude!
02:34:15.000 Oh my god!
02:34:17.000 The sound it makes! 1.00
02:34:19.000 Yeah, and there's like a big crew there, so they knew that shit was gonna happen. 0.99
02:34:24.000 You watch that, dude. 0.96
02:34:25.000 So it looked more like he was just trying to go over it, and he just miscalculated it.
02:34:28.000 I thought he was trying to go through an opening.
02:34:31.000 I think I only saw this angle, the first angle.
02:34:34.000 The second angle, it looks like he was coming over the top of it.
02:34:38.000 They said 120 miles an hour on the video.
02:34:41.000 Oh my god! 1.00
02:34:43.000 Just your fucking head hitting a beam. 1.00
02:34:48.000 Your legs severing. 1.00
02:34:49.000 Everyone witnesses it.
02:34:51.000 Oh my god.
02:34:52.000 And then you gotta be the first guy to leave.
02:34:54.000 You gotta be like, well, I gotta get out of here.
02:34:56.000 Everyone's like, dude, that guy just died on the bridge.
02:34:57.000 You're like, I'm late?
02:34:59.000 With Larry David.
02:35:01.000 You have to throw away the rest of your day.
02:35:03.000 Yeah, you can't go.
02:35:04.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:35:06.000 You're upset, but you're also like, well, I didn't really know him.
02:35:10.000 Yeah, we didn't know him at all.
02:35:11.000 We just went to the spot where you're supposed to fly over.
02:35:13.000 I saw it on the news.
02:35:14.000 I was just going to support.
02:35:16.000 And then he landed on the bridge.
02:35:17.000 It's such a horrible way to die, too.
02:35:19.000 Yeah.
02:35:20.000 Squat being splattered.
02:35:23.000 Yeah, no thanks.
02:35:24.000 It's probably instantaneous.
02:35:26.000 Yeah.
02:35:27.000 Oh, yeah.
02:35:28.000 Your brain goes through your head.
02:35:29.000 Boom.
02:35:30.000 Everything's all at once.
02:35:32.000 Which might have to be, you know...
02:35:35.000 I always think about that when you're like, if you were to fall off a building, would you want to aim your head down?
02:35:39.000 I don't think it matters.
02:35:41.000 You don't think so?
02:35:42.000 You don't think if you go legs first?
02:35:44.000 Crush.
02:35:45.000 Everything just explodes. 0.99
02:35:47.000 But if it doesn't, then it's like, God damn it. 0.90
02:35:49.000 Yeah, but nobody does that. 0.97
02:35:51.000 That's like one of the things they know when people are faking passing out is that they always catch themselves.
02:35:58.000 Sometimes people catch themselves when they do are blacking out because they're not totally out.
02:36:03.000 But when someone pretends to be out cold and they catch themselves on the way down and then still pretend to be out cold, like, I just saw you catch yourself.
02:36:09.000 I saw your movement. 0.98
02:36:10.000 You have to be, like, insane to let your face hit the ground. 0.88
02:36:15.000 Nobody does that.
02:36:16.000 As a pro wrestling fan, I always love when they do it.
02:36:19.000 That's so gangster.
02:36:20.000 Yeah, when they're like, they just take a flop.
02:36:21.000 I mean, Ric Flair, that was his thing.
02:36:23.000 He would do a couple steps and go face down on the man.
02:36:25.000 Yeah, oh my god.
02:36:27.000 But nobody goes like this, right?
02:36:29.000 Face first.
02:36:30.000 They kind of go sideways a little, right?
02:36:32.000 I think, I mean, Ric Flair would turn.
02:36:34.000 They don't land with their face.
02:36:35.000 But he would do a walk and then drop his whole face and then get back up.
02:36:38.000 Right, but when you see someone, here's one example.
02:36:41.000 When Jake Paul knocked out Tyron Woodley, all these people were telling me that that was fake.
02:36:46.000 And you're like...
02:36:46.000 And I go, watch how he fell.
02:36:48.000 Nobody falls like that.
02:36:49.000 Yeah, those knockouts are the... 0.99
02:36:50.000 When they crumble in a way where you're like, that's not...
02:36:52.000 He's not catching himself.
02:36:53.000 He fell face first.
02:36:54.000 Yeah.
02:36:54.000 Face first, didn't stop himself at all.
02:36:56.000 The ones that always impress me are the knockouts where then the punch restarts the engine.
02:37:01.000 Where they're like taking multiple punches and they're knocked out and then they get reawakened by like...
02:37:07.000 It's very rare.
02:37:07.000 Yeah, but seeing it you're like...
02:37:09.000 It's kind of a thing though.
02:37:10.000 It's a thing when a guy gets rocked and then sometimes he gets hit and that wakes him up somehow or not.
02:37:17.000 Yeah.
02:37:17.000 It's weird though.
02:37:18.000 It's not normal.
02:37:19.000 Normally when a guy gets hit and he gets hurt, the second punch hurts more and then he gets knocked out.
02:37:25.000 Generally it's like that.
02:37:26.000 Yeah, dude.
02:37:27.000 I would have just been like, leave me asleep. 1.00
02:37:30.000 Don't hit me again, you fucking asshole. 1.00
02:37:32.000 I was nice and out. 1.00
02:37:34.000 Maybe.
02:37:35.000 Depends.
02:37:35.000 These guys all want to win.
02:37:36.000 They want to win so badly.
02:37:37.000 It's like part of what the restart is.
02:37:39.000 How high do you think the highest person to fall and survive fell from?
02:37:45.000 Oof.
02:37:46.000 Oh, man.
02:37:47.000 Yeah, you can't ask any questions. 1.00
02:37:50.000 This might be a stupid... 0.98
02:37:52.000 I'll just jump in there with a number. 0.99
02:37:53.000 Go ahead.
02:37:54.000 1,000 feet?
02:37:55.000 No.
02:37:57.000 I'm going to 100 feet.
02:38:01.000 How big is 1,000 feet?
02:38:03.000 33,300 feet.
02:38:07.000 That's cruising altitude.
02:38:08.000 That's cruising altitude.
02:38:10.000 I only know that because they always tell us that.
02:38:12.000 What did he land on?
02:38:14.000 She... 1.00
02:38:14.000 Flight attendant. 1.00
02:38:16.000 Only person to survive plane crash.
02:38:19.000 72!
02:38:20.000 What?
02:38:20.000 Yeah, they tried to figure out how exactly, and the speculation was right here.
02:38:27.000 Here's what happened in the crash.
02:38:35.000 Good luck with that one. 0.99
02:38:58.000 Holy shit. 0.99
02:39:00.000 Festin was found screaming inside the wreckage by Bruno Honke, a local villager and former World War II medic who was able to administer vital first aid before rescuers arrived. 0.99
02:39:09.000 Wow.
02:39:10.000 Although she survived, she sustained extremely serious injuries and spent the following days in a coma.
02:39:16.000 She suffered a fractured skull, two broken legs, three broken vertebrae, a fractured pelvis, several broken ribs, and temporary paralysis below the waist.
02:39:26.000 Amazingly, Veston was able to walk again after 10 months, albeit with a permanent limp, due to the twisting of her spine.
02:39:32.000 There's multiple people that have fallen from over 20,000 feet, though.
02:39:35.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
02:39:37.000 How is that fucking possible? 0.99
02:39:39.000 So, she was in the plane. 0.99
02:39:41.000 Oh, yeah, she's like the number one, dude.
02:39:43.000 Like, you bring that up, you see other articles.
02:39:45.000 She's the known.
02:39:46.000 She's like, I fell.
02:39:47.000 I fell from the heavens.
02:39:49.000 Jesus Christ.
02:39:49.000 My God.
02:39:51.000 Surviving that?
02:39:52.000 Jesus Christ.
02:39:53.000 No one can complain to you the rest of your life.
02:39:57.000 Just being like, dude, I had a bad headache.
02:39:59.000 She's like, yeah, I fell out of a plane.
02:40:02.000 Oh my God.
02:40:03.000 I survived a 30,000 feet fall.
02:40:05.000 Oh my God. 1.00
02:40:05.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:40:06.000 This guy landed in a glass ceiling in Germany in World War II. His parachute didn't work. 1.00
02:40:13.000 And it says the glass ceiling probably managed to save his life. 1.00
02:40:16.000 Damn. 1.00
02:40:16.000 Oh my God. 1.00
02:40:17.000 He fell from, I think, somewhere in the range of 20,000 feet.
02:40:20.000 The glass ceiling actually managed to save his life, cushioning the fall enough so that he only had some minor injuries. 0.99
02:40:27.000 Holy shit! 0.99
02:40:28.000 I fell from a hotel. 1.00
02:40:29.000 Bro, oh my god.
02:40:31.000 17th floor.
02:40:32.000 How did he live?
02:40:34.000 Same sort, like landed on a roof.
02:40:37.000 Plummeting through the 17th floor of the building onto an overhanging roof.
02:40:40.000 From there he fell to the ground, somehow landing on his feet.
02:40:44.000 Dude, landing, sticking the landing?
02:40:47.000 Incredible.
02:40:48.000 He suffered serious injuries including internal bleeding and multiple broken bones, but was lucky to simply stay alive.
02:40:56.000 That's what I mean.
02:40:57.000 He lost his balance and fell through a window.
02:40:59.000 Oh my god.
02:41:00.000 Oh my god. 0.98
02:41:01.000 Fucking imagine when you're spacing out in the morning and you step on your sneaker wrong and you go face first over the window. 0.98
02:41:09.000 You're not 500 feet in the air. 0.99
02:41:10.000 You are.
02:41:11.000 Jamie lives in the sky.
02:41:14.000 Where do you live?
02:41:15.000 Up high.
02:41:16.000 Up high in an apartment building.
02:41:17.000 Oh man, so you're worried about it, huh?
02:41:19.000 Look out his window.
02:41:20.000 He's in the clouds.
02:41:21.000 Lightning is outside his front window.
02:41:24.000 That's what Jay's apartment in New York's up there.
02:41:26.000 It's like on the 23rd floor, and I'm like, you're in Sky Palace, dude.
02:41:29.000 Yeah, bro.
02:41:30.000 That's the best view in the world, though.
02:41:32.000 Yeah.
02:41:32.000 The view in Manhattan when you're in like a tall building, and you're in with all the buildings, and you get to look out.
02:41:38.000 My friend's dad had a, he was like a banking financier type character.
02:41:44.000 And he had this apartment in Manhattan, and we went to it and checked it out. 0.98
02:41:47.000 It was fucking insane. 0.99
02:41:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:41:50.000 It was fucking insane. 0.98
02:41:51.000 This was like when I was in my early 20s. 0.99
02:41:52.000 I'd never seen a place like this before.
02:41:54.000 You didn't know it existed?
02:41:55.000 No, it was poor.
02:41:56.000 And we're in this place. 1.00
02:41:57.000 I was like, holy shit. 0.99
02:41:59.000 The view was like a science fiction movie. 0.99
02:42:02.000 Oh, looking down over the whole city?
02:42:04.000 He's looking down, but he's also in it.
02:42:07.000 So it's like there's all these lights and buildings, and it's all right in front of you. 0.98
02:42:12.000 And at nighttime, it's fucking spectacular. 0.82
02:42:15.000 And I was like, oh, I get it. 0.99
02:42:16.000 Because I was like, why would anybody spend millions of dollars for a fucking apartment in New York City? 0.98
02:42:21.000 And then I went to this guy's place. 0.99
02:42:22.000 I was like, oh, this is what rich people do.
02:42:25.000 This is why they do it.
02:42:25.000 They do it for this crazy view.
02:42:27.000 There's the old K-Rock, when I worked overnights there, you would go into the green room, like the old Howard Stern green room, and there was these windows that would look over, I want to say on like 58th Street or like 56th Street, and there were these buildings that had fucking houses on them. 0.94
02:42:43.000 Suburban houses on the top of these buildings and you're like, that's a level of rich. 0.93
02:42:48.000 They weren't complete with a yard and shit, but you saw it and you're like, that's where someone lives for sure. 0.99
02:42:54.000 And I would just sit out there and look at them and be like, this is fucking crazy. 0.98
02:42:57.000 There's something about being on a porch and you look down. 0.98
02:43:00.000 And it's just city.
02:43:01.000 Just death.
02:43:02.000 Just fall to my death at any moment. 1.00
02:43:05.000 Any moment you could fall to your death. 0.97
02:43:07.000 And the house was back and it had a little bit of the roof. 0.99
02:43:09.000 You're like, this is fucking... 0.99
02:43:10.000 Great. 0.99
02:43:10.000 How much money do you have to be to be like, put a house on the building? 0.99
02:43:14.000 I know you've sold out all your apartments, but hear me out.
02:43:17.000 I want to go on the roof, four bedroom, three bath that I would find in a very nice part of Long Island.
02:43:25.000 Yeah, that's what I'm- Wow. 0.58
02:43:26.000 But this is like- That's a shitty one, though. 0.99
02:43:28.000 Yeah, they were like- That's a guy that yard and shit. 0.99
02:43:30.000 That's what I mean. 0.99
02:43:31.000 That is wild.
02:43:32.000 And the guy that works...
02:43:34.000 That's wild.
02:43:34.000 This old overnight guy, Cheezmo, that worked at K-Rock was like, dude, you want to see these houses?
02:43:38.000 And I was like, all fucked up. 0.98
02:43:40.000 Look at that one. 0.99
02:43:40.000 I was like, yeah, dude. 0.99
02:43:41.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.
02:43:42.000 It's crazy.
02:43:43.000 Wow.
02:43:44.000 There's something about being that high.
02:43:46.000 It's so terrifying, too.
02:43:47.000 Yeah, absolutely.
02:43:48.000 You wake up.
02:43:48.000 I bet you have the craziest nightmares.
02:43:50.000 Oh, man.
02:43:50.000 You live on like the hundredth floor.
02:43:52.000 Just falling.
02:43:52.000 Especially if you do bong hits.
02:43:54.000 Yeah.
02:43:56.000 Oh man, if you fall on the floor, falling from your bed, you're like, is this all?
02:43:59.000 Do I go all the way down? 0.99
02:44:00.000 Just that fucking primal reaction. 1.00
02:44:02.000 Yeah, fuck that. 1.00
02:44:04.000 Stay low. 1.00
02:44:05.000 Stay low to the ground.
02:44:05.000 Keep moving.
02:44:06.000 Why are you up so high?
02:44:07.000 Get out of there.
02:44:09.000 Don't get duct taped.
02:44:09.000 Do you know they say that it's a part of our primate past that we like to put the master bedroom upstairs?
02:44:14.000 Because in the olden days, you'd have to hide in the trees from predators.
02:44:18.000 Yeah.
02:44:18.000 So when we were some sort of lower primate, we're trying to get away from big cats.
02:44:23.000 That's what they did.
02:44:23.000 They tried to hide in the high branches.
02:44:26.000 Same kind of thing.
02:44:27.000 I buy it.
02:44:28.000 Like if someone breaks into your house, you're above them.
02:44:30.000 Yeah.
02:44:30.000 What's going on down there?
02:44:31.000 You always think about it.
02:44:32.000 You've got to come up these stairs if you want to get me.
02:44:34.000 That's most house you have, for real.
02:44:36.000 That's what it is.
02:44:37.000 It's just an old primate thing.
02:44:38.000 Or the meat missile gets you.
02:44:39.000 Dude, if you got that meat missile, open that door and give it a little whistle. 0.78
02:44:42.000 Do you know how excited someone must be if someone finally breaks into a guy's house who has a meat missile, just trained and ready to go, just sitting there every day, just sitting there every day hoping someone would. 0.53
02:44:54.000 Hoping someone would.
02:44:55.000 Today is your day.
02:44:56.000 Go feast, my...
02:44:58.000 Like the way that pit bull was acting on that treadmill, that's how they are. 1.00
02:45:01.000 I'm biting you in the dick. 1.00
02:45:03.000 Just can't wait. 1.00
02:45:04.000 I think that's how it would feel to know karate. 1.00
02:45:07.000 Someone fuck with you. 0.99
02:45:08.000 I feel like that's the same feeling when if someone if someone fuck with me and I was like All right, here we go, baby It's very fun when you watch a video of a guy who doesn't know how to fight and he picks a fight with someone who does and he's a total douchebag and he gets flatlined I can't even think of what the video would be called but on ebom's world when the old internet videos the There was this guy, 1.00
02:45:31.000 I want to say British, and they're in this alley, and this guy's up on his porch yelling at him, right? 0.98
02:45:37.000 And he's like fucking with his recycling bin, and this fat dude's got his shirt tucked into his thing, and he's just like talking. 0.99
02:45:42.000 You can't hear what they're saying, but he's rattling it, and then the guy steps out into the yard and just does this like confident pose, and the guy that was yelling goes, and he just does like two moves and just fucking knocks the guy out, and you're like, that's cool as shit. 0.99
02:45:54.000 That was like, I know what I'm doing. 0.97
02:45:56.000 All right, let's move a little farther out, and I'm going to do it to you. 0.95
02:45:58.000 It was fucking cool.
02:46:00.000 I wish I knew what that video was called. 0.96
02:46:01.000 There's a lot of those videos. 0.98
02:46:03.000 He's got a fat gut, and he just does something like that, and he just fucks this dude up. 0.98
02:46:07.000 I think I know what you're talking about. 0.98
02:46:08.000 You're talking about the one that takes place in a parking structure, and he hits him with a leg kick, and then the guy moves to- No, it's all hands.
02:46:16.000 He just moves to the side and hits him once.
02:46:18.000 This one's even better.
02:46:19.000 There's this dude, this cholo, and he's got a cigarette. 1.00
02:46:23.000 He takes a puff of his cigarette before he decides he's gonna fight this guy, and then he takes his shirt off. 0.99
02:46:28.000 He takes his shirt off and he puts it aside, and he walks towards the guy like, man, I'm about to fuck you up. 0.91
02:46:33.000 And this guy backs up like a skilled fighter, hits him with a leg kick, lifts him up in the air, he falls crashing to the ground. 0.98
02:46:40.000 The guy gets up like, oh, we kicking now?
02:46:42.000 And he moves towards him again because he doesn't know what to do because he's fully committed to fighting this trained killer.
02:46:46.000 And then the guy jumps on him, grabs him in a single leg, and knocks him unconscious.
02:46:51.000 So check this out. 1.00
02:46:52.000 Damn. 0.99
02:46:53.000 Oh, this is a different one. 1.00
02:46:54.000 Oh, this is where it starts.
02:46:56.000 This is how it starts.
02:46:56.000 So this guy's like chasing these guys off him.
02:46:58.000 They're talking shit. 1.00
02:47:00.000 Give me some volume. 1.00
02:47:02.000 Oh, that's right.
02:47:04.000 He fought this guy first.
02:47:06.000 That's right, he fought two guys. 1.00
02:47:08.000 Damn. 0.99
02:47:08.000 So he fights this guy first. 0.99
02:47:10.000 Hey, keep it over here, dawg. 0.99
02:47:12.000 So he's fucking this guy up. 0.99
02:47:13.000 The guy in the black shirt is the trade fighter. 0.99
02:47:15.000 Exactly. 0.99
02:47:15.000 And he's the guy that's by himself, and they're fucking with him. 0.99
02:47:17.000 Look at that leg kick. 0.99
02:47:18.000 Boom! 0.99
02:47:19.000 Yeah, dude, and he's... 0.99
02:47:20.000 He's fucking that guy up. 0.99
02:47:21.000 Also, the way the other guy moves... 0.99
02:47:23.000 He doesn't know what he's doing.
02:47:24.000 Keep that volume on.
02:47:25.000 Over here, over here.
02:47:26.000 Keep it over here.
02:47:27.000 Say, why are you throwing kicks?
02:47:31.000 Why are you throwing kicks?
02:47:33.000 Only at this moment do I identify with that guy.
02:47:35.000 We go, ow! 1.00
02:47:39.000 So he's leaving.
02:47:40.000 He's saying you're lucky. 1.00
02:47:41.000 So the guy's like, you want to keep going, bitch? 1.00
02:47:43.000 Chill, boy. 1.00
02:47:44.000 This is a fight, dog.
02:47:44.000 It's cool.
02:47:45.000 You don't want to fucking kick. 0.99
02:47:46.000 It's all right. 0.99
02:47:46.000 You want to kick, homeboy? 0.99
02:47:49.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:47:49.000 You want to kick, homeboy? 0.98
02:47:50.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:47:51.000 You want to kick, homeboy? 0.95
02:47:52.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:47:53.000 You want to kick, homeboy? 0.95
02:47:53.000 Yeah. 0.95
02:47:53.000 So look, he takes a hit of his cigarette. 0.95
02:47:55.000 You want to kick, homeboy? 0.81
02:48:00.000 Oh gee, dude. 0.96
02:48:01.000 Watch this.
02:48:02.000 Ooh! 0.96
02:48:04.000 Oh, it's worse.
02:48:04.000 So here's the leg kick.
02:48:06.000 Watch this.
02:48:06.000 It chases after him.
02:48:11.000 Head on the concrete. 1.00
02:48:14.000 Damn. 1.00
02:48:15.000 Cross-eyed. 1.00
02:48:16.000 Knocked him out cross-eyed. 0.97
02:48:17.000 That's what happens.
02:48:19.000 You don't want that in your life. 0.99
02:48:21.000 Dude, then just me walking up with my fucking car thing going like, I'm the Nissan. 0.99
02:48:26.000 I didn't see anything. 0.98
02:48:28.000 Hey guys, cool.
02:48:29.000 I'm cool.
02:48:30.000 I just need to go get some Wendy's.
02:48:32.000 That impact is horrible. 1.00
02:48:33.000 Yeah, you hear that fucking... 1.00
02:48:34.000 Does it say the guy's name? 1.00
02:48:35.000 No.
02:48:35.000 Oh.
02:48:36.000 R.I.P. That guy's absolutely a trained fighter.
02:48:40.000 Yeah, but that guy, like, it's like watching swimmers.
02:48:43.000 They just know how to move in the water.
02:48:44.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:48:44.000 Where they just can fucking... 0.99
02:48:46.000 Well, he was fucking up that other guy first, and that other guy looked like he knew, like, a little bit. 0.99
02:48:50.000 Like, he was a little shocked that this guy's fucking him up. 0.98
02:48:52.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:48:52.000 Like, he probably felt like he could fight a little bit. 0.98
02:48:55.000 That's gotta be a moment for you. 1.00
02:48:56.000 You're the toughest guy in the neighborhood, and then you go against a guy that knows what he's doing, and you're like, fuck. 1.00
02:49:00.000 You're not supposed to be this good. 0.99
02:49:01.000 When I first started doing jujitsu, it was one of the most humbling things I'd ever experienced in my life.
02:49:05.000 And I had won a bunch of martial arts tournaments. 0.98
02:49:07.000 I started doing jujitsu and I was getting fucking mauled. 0.97
02:49:11.000 I was stunned. 0.97
02:49:12.000 I was like, oh my god, I'm so helpless. 1.00
02:49:14.000 Then you just realized, you're like, fuck, I don't know. 1.00
02:49:17.000 That's how I felt when I was telling you. 1.00
02:49:18.000 I sucked at football.
02:49:19.000 You just have a guy grab you and just be like... 0.92
02:49:20.000 Yeah, hold you down.
02:49:21.000 And you're like...
02:49:23.000 Trying to move.
02:49:24.000 Let me up, dude.
02:49:25.000 Well, you're a big guy, but you're a normal big guy.
02:49:28.000 Yeah, just normal.
02:49:28.000 There's other guys that are not normal big.
02:49:30.000 They're giant big.
02:49:31.000 Yeah.
02:49:31.000 That's a different level of big.
02:49:32.000 Strong and aggressive.
02:49:33.000 Yeah.
02:49:34.000 You know what's funny is I knew I wasn't aggressive when I was like five. 0.93
02:49:37.000 I knew I was a silly boy.
02:49:39.000 When I was five, I love wrestling. 0.92
02:49:41.000 Like I said, lifelong pro wrestling fan.
02:49:43.000 But I actually wrestled five, six, and seven.
02:49:46.000 Oh, really?
02:49:47.000 Yeah, but immediately knew I wasn't good at it when you see these other little killers that are just like mow you down. 0.98
02:49:53.000 I'd be like, hey, dude.
02:49:55.000 As they're like double leg takedown in me, I'd be like, stop.
02:49:58.000 You're taking this serious.
02:49:59.000 I'd wrestle, but I knew, I just saw the difference where I was like, that kid only goes forward. 0.99
02:50:04.000 And I'm just wanting to hang out and Bullshit, you know? 1.00
02:50:07.000 I was like, dude, fuck this. 1.00
02:50:09.000 I knew it wasn't for me. 1.00
02:50:10.000 I was like, God bless.
02:50:10.000 I wrestled one year, my sophomore year in high school.
02:50:13.000 One year.
02:50:14.000 You gotta be...
02:50:15.000 It is a mindset.
02:50:17.000 Wrestlers are the most impressive with their training.
02:50:20.000 Yeah, they're the most mentally tough. 0.95
02:50:22.000 Khabib is insane. 0.98
02:50:24.000 He's so fascinating to learn against, but then also like Dan Gable and all those guys, that thought process, you're like, those are fucking tough. 0.97
02:50:32.000 You have to be. 0.61
02:50:33.000 You can't make it as an elite wrestler without being tough.
02:50:36.000 No one is just talented.
02:50:37.000 No one.
02:50:38.000 Everyone's disciplined.
02:50:39.000 Everyone's got that work.
02:50:40.000 And they're not doing it for the money, because there's no money in it.
02:50:43.000 I mean, the amount of money in amateur wrestling is extremely small.
02:50:47.000 Unless you're at Jordan Burroughs, he actually makes a great living doing tournaments.
02:50:51.000 But he's the best of the best.
02:50:53.000 He's an Olympic gold medalist.
02:50:54.000 He's phenomenal.
02:50:56.000 Just come to the WWE. He's a world champion.
02:50:59.000 I mean, there's levels of levels, right?
02:51:02.000 So at that level, but the regular level of college amateur wrestlers, they're doing it for free.
02:51:08.000 Yeah.
02:51:08.000 And they are insanely dedicated, insanely disciplined, insanely conditioned, insanely skilled.
02:51:16.000 It can walk right through you.
02:51:17.000 Walk right through you.
02:51:18.000 There's a great comic, Greg Warren, who's so funny.
02:51:21.000 I know Greg.
02:51:22.000 Yeah.
02:51:22.000 I know Greg from back in the day.
02:51:24.000 He's a really good wrestler.
02:51:25.000 Yeah.
02:51:25.000 He was an All-American in Missouri.
02:51:27.000 So you meet this guy and you're like, yo, you're so fucking funny. 0.94
02:51:30.000 And then you're just like, oh yeah, he could double leg takedown. 0.69
02:51:33.000 Adam Hunter's a really good wrestler.
02:51:34.000 Yeah, Adam Hunter was a great wrestler. 0.93
02:51:36.000 When you find out that, I always think it's fascinating because you're like, damn, dude, you were really good at a very hard thing. 0.97
02:51:42.000 Yeah, that's a mind. 0.99
02:51:43.000 Yeah.
02:51:43.000 You have to be a strong, strong person to do that.
02:51:46.000 And it's also like a culture of suffering.
02:51:49.000 Yeah.
02:51:50.000 Like, every guy likes to suffer more than the other guy.
02:51:52.000 Like, every guy likes to cut more weight.
02:51:54.000 Every guy likes to do the extra miles.
02:51:57.000 Like, there was guys on my wrestling team that we would all be fucking exhausted after practice waiting for our moms to pick us up. 0.99
02:52:03.000 And these motherfuckers would be running laps and just yelling and, you know, just getting fired up and shit. 1.00
02:52:08.000 You're like, oh my god. 1.00
02:52:10.000 They wanted it, but those are the guys that won. 0.99
02:52:12.000 The fucking insane ones were the ones who were the winners. 0.99
02:52:16.000 Yeah, didn't Kurt Angle win a gold medal with a broken neck? 1.00
02:52:19.000 Yes, a broken neck.
02:52:20.000 You gotta be... 1.00
02:52:20.000 Yeah, you gotta be fucking insane. 1.00
02:52:21.000 You gotta be wired. 1.00
02:52:23.000 You gotta be a different kind of human. 0.76
02:52:25.000 He was so good, he beat you guys with a broken neck. 1.00
02:52:27.000 Crazy.
02:52:28.000 That's how good he was.
02:52:29.000 Like, imagine if he was healthy.
02:52:31.000 Imagine with a good neck. 1.00
02:52:32.000 Yeah, imagine no neck problems, how he would fuck you up. 0.99
02:52:35.000 Yeah, that is, uh, man, it's like wrestlers when you see, even when I played football in high school and you saw what the wrestlers had to go through for training, you were like, fuck that. 1.00
02:52:44.000 Like those stairs and the fireman carriers, all the shit that they would do. 1.00
02:52:47.000 Didn't Dan Gable get to the Olympic gold without having a point scored on him? 0.97
02:52:52.000 Is that true?
02:52:52.000 Yeah, he didn't have one point scored on him in the Olympics.
02:52:55.000 You know how fucking insane that is? 0.95
02:52:57.000 To be in international competition against the very best of the best and the biggest tournament on earth against the overachievers and savages that make up the mass of amateur wrestlers all over the world? 0.99
02:53:09.000 And no one can even score a point on you.
02:53:12.000 1972 games in particular Gable won all six of his matches without giving up a point. 0.99
02:53:17.000 Damn! 0.99
02:53:18.000 You don't know how hard that man is. 1.00
02:53:21.000 That's a hard man.
02:53:23.000 Like you don't you don't make it's hard to make a person like that.
02:53:26.000 And that Sam Sheridan book, A Fighter's Mind?
02:53:28.000 Yes.
02:53:29.000 Where he interviews Gable.
02:53:30.000 It's one of my favorite interviews because Gable says that The theory of killers in the room.
02:53:36.000 You put people that really intimidate you around you, and you're gonna get better, and I was like that.
02:53:41.000 That clicked on for me early in comedy, where it was like, yeah, you got people around you that...
02:53:45.000 21 Olympic, I mean...
02:53:47.000 21 Olympic qualification in Olympic matches.
02:53:50.000 He scored 12 falls and outscored his nine other opponents 130 to 1. During his six matches at the Munich Olympics, he went unscored upon.
02:54:01.000 That's fucking insane. 0.98
02:54:03.000 130 to 1. You have to be like, if you're the one, you're like, guess who got that fucking point on Dan Cable. 0.99
02:54:11.000 But that's how good he was. 0.98
02:54:13.000 Yeah.
02:54:13.000 But I've met him, and he's an amazing guy.
02:54:16.000 Yeah.
02:54:16.000 And he paid a price physically.
02:54:18.000 Like, his body's got his knees and all these operations.
02:54:23.000 It's a lot.
02:54:24.000 He was a warrior.
02:54:25.000 Yeah.
02:54:25.000 I mean, those guys, to be that mentally tough, you push through pain, you push through injury, you push through anything.
02:54:31.000 It's a mindset thing, and that's the thing that wrestlers are known for. 1.00
02:54:35.000 One of the things about MMA is, I mean, there's tough guys in everything, right?
02:54:39.000 There's tough guys in kickboxing, there's tough guys in jiu-jitsu, but almost all the guys who came from... 1.00
02:54:47.000 There's coffee in this here, right?
02:54:48.000 But almost all the guys who came from wrestling are tough.
02:54:51.000 There's some guys in other disciplines that maybe they're not known for being tough.
02:54:59.000 They're just different levels of skill and different levels of champions and stuff.
02:55:04.000 But with wrestlers, it's like all of them.
02:55:06.000 All of them are animals.
02:55:08.000 You obviously would know much more about this than I would, but Dagestan.
02:55:12.000 Oh, perfect example.
02:55:14.000 Those guys, is that just builds wrestlers that are unbelievable?
02:55:18.000 Well, they're really technical, they're really aggressive, and it's really popular.
02:55:23.000 And when you've got guys like Islam Akachev, you've got... 0.99
02:55:29.000 Khabib Nurmagomedov.
02:55:30.000 You got all the other guys that have come out of Dagestan that are high-level wrestlers.
02:55:34.000 You got high-level strikers.
02:55:36.000 Zabit came out of there and he's a striker.
02:55:39.000 He's like a stand-up guy.
02:55:41.000 I mean, he has a ground game as well, but he's known for his wild, traditional martial arts techniques.
02:55:47.000 So it's a tough part of the world, man. 0.99
02:55:49.000 They're tough fucking people and they're really disciplined. 0.98
02:55:52.000 And I think there's something about the fact that a lot of these guys are very religious. 0.99
02:55:57.000 Yeah.
02:55:57.000 And I think there's something about that in terms of the reward of discipline and the adherence to a very strict Moral, ethical, and behavioral code.
02:56:06.000 If that's how you're living your life, if you're doing that in wrestling, it's almost like it's easy.
02:56:10.000 You're like, I do this already in my normal life, so this isn't going to be hard.
02:56:13.000 There's like a disproportionate amount of really elite fighters that are coming from that area.
02:56:16.000 And a lot of it also has to do with Khabib's dad.
02:56:20.000 And unfortunately, he died during the pandemic.
02:56:23.000 And now Khabib has taken over.
02:56:25.000 And he's basically the coach for those guys now, which is amazing.
02:56:28.000 And I love that, because Khabib, it's like Dan Gable, who then went on to Iowa and just won all those championships as a coach.
02:56:34.000 I love seeing that.
02:56:36.000 I love seeing a fighter.
02:56:37.000 His dad taught him how to coach, too.
02:56:38.000 He coached with his dad, so he'd always coach his teammates.
02:56:41.000 He grew up with an elite trainer as a father, which is amazing.
02:56:46.000 They all worshipped his dad.
02:56:49.000 Man, that's gotta be insane.
02:56:51.000 Or to be the member of the family that just isn't aggressive.
02:56:53.000 He likes to read books and play D&D. You go, guys, hold on.
02:56:57.000 I just like to live in my head.
02:56:58.000 My Sarlog got murdered by a war party. 1.00
02:57:02.000 And they're like, dude, you're fucking... 1.00
02:57:04.000 Yeah, that's got to be... 0.99
02:57:05.000 That would be a hard thing for a dude like that to just accept a son that just has no ambition to conquer.
02:57:11.000 Yeah.
02:57:12.000 Alexander the meh.
02:57:14.000 He's just like, I don't know.
02:57:16.000 I kind of want to live off what you did.
02:57:18.000 He's misanthropic.
02:57:19.000 Yeah.
02:57:20.000 He wants to spend his time helping others.
02:57:22.000 You're like, we dominate here.
02:57:25.000 But it is.
02:57:25.000 I mean, Alexander, there's got to be so many of those disappointments.
02:57:28.000 Where you're just like, you build this thing up. 0.96
02:57:30.000 Like, Uday Hussein was a disappointment to a psycho father. 0.99
02:57:35.000 To his dad. 0.98
02:57:36.000 Who is what?
02:57:37.000 You know what I mean?
02:57:37.000 He beat his trainer to death?
02:57:39.000 Is that what they said?
02:57:40.000 He beat his bodyguard.
02:57:41.000 He beat his dad's bodyguard.
02:57:42.000 Oh, the bodyguard.
02:57:42.000 That's right.
02:57:42.000 His dad's bodyguard.
02:57:43.000 Which, like, you know, if it was that sitcom, he's like, ooh, dang!
02:57:48.000 Did you kill my bodyguard at the party?
02:57:50.000 Why did I think it was his trainer?
02:57:51.000 That's how high I am.
02:57:52.000 Yeah.
02:57:52.000 I forgot already.
02:57:53.000 Hell yeah. 0.90
02:57:54.000 Imagine you have your favorite bodyguard, and you're the king of Iraq, and you come home, and your son turned him into a puddle. 1.00
02:58:01.000 Like, what the fuck kind of a demon am I living with? 1.00
02:58:04.000 You think you're mad when your dog eats a pillow. 1.00
02:58:07.000 You're like, dude, you killed the guy that's supposed to protect me.
02:58:10.000 How wild that is.
02:58:12.000 Maybe they were connected. 1.00
02:58:13.000 Maybe he was trying to tell his dad, like, hey, your son is a fucking psycho. 1.00
02:58:17.000 Yeah, and he's like, no, he's fine. 1.00
02:58:20.000 He's like, did you tell my dad I was a psycho?
02:58:23.000 Did you say that? 0.96
02:58:24.000 I'm gonna show my dad I was a psycho. 0.97
02:58:26.000 Oh my god. 0.69
02:58:27.000 That's probably exactly what happened.
02:58:28.000 The feeding the soccer players to dogs.
02:58:31.000 Is crazy.
02:58:32.000 That was the thing.
02:58:34.000 They said that they had kept dogs and they would feed people to dogs. 0.87
02:58:38.000 I don't know if that's a true story, but what I'd read in one of the articles about him was that they would just grab women and he would rape them and feed them to dogs. 0.99
02:58:46.000 I mean, if a guy has a thing called a pleasure dome, he's either a swinger or he's gonna feed those women to dogs. 1.00
02:58:52.000 Yeah, either he sells molly. 0.98
02:58:54.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:58:55.000 He's either into touchy drugs or he's going to fucking feed them to an animal. 1.00
02:58:59.000 Because that's crazy. 0.99
02:59:00.000 I mean, just like picking up people off the street.
02:59:02.000 And if you're the son of a dictator, not even like...
02:59:06.000 We see what the children of politicians do.
02:59:08.000 Imagine of an absolute...
02:59:10.000 Murderous.
02:59:12.000 My father rules with an iron fist. 0.98
02:59:14.000 Right, you've seen him kill people. 0.82
02:59:15.000 You know what he's going to do. 0.91
02:59:16.000 And I'm worse than him.
02:59:17.000 And you're like... 0.96
02:59:18.000 You probably saw him kill people growing up.
02:59:20.000 Yeah, absolutely.
02:59:21.000 I'm sure they executed people for treason or mistrust or...
02:59:25.000 A dictator doesn't just stay comfortable.
02:59:28.000 There's people that come for you.
02:59:29.000 Right, always.
02:59:30.000 Always.
02:59:30.000 So you gotta...
02:59:31.000 Yeah, he forced friends and...
02:59:32.000 He forced friends and party guests into his monkey's cage.
02:59:35.000 According to Time, Uday's demanding demeanor...
02:59:38.000 That's just funny.
02:59:38.000 He extended to leisure and frivolity.
02:59:41.000 At parties, he demanded others match him in drinking, and his tolerance was notoriously high.
02:59:47.000 Aw, dude, you gotta be hungover and wake up in a monkey cage?
02:59:50.000 He had a pet monkey named Louisa, and when he got drunk, he forced other inebriated partygoers and friends alike into the animal's cage.
02:59:57.000 Reportedly, Louisa also imbibed and would attack the guests tossed into her cage. 1.00
03:00:04.000 So she was hammered?
03:00:05.000 Yeah, get the monkey drunk and then make it fight his friends.
03:00:09.000 Former bodyguards also detailed a cage of monkeys Uday kept at his club specifically so that the animals could witness him assaulting women.
03:00:17.000 What? 0.85
03:00:18.000 He wanted monkeys to watch him rape? 0.99
03:00:21.000 What? 0.97
03:00:21.000 Click on that link. 0.97
03:00:22.000 What the fuck? 0.99
03:00:24.000 But the cage of monkeys link? 1.00
03:00:26.000 It's a link?
03:00:26.000 No, it's a different link.
03:00:27.000 Oh, it's a different thing?
03:00:28.000 There's a real long story from Time Magazine where a bunch of that was coming from that was really hard to read through because it was a really old article. 0.99
03:00:35.000 Damn, dude. 0.99
03:00:36.000 Bro. 1.00
03:00:39.000 He had a place where he would assault women. 0.98
03:00:42.000 He assaulted so many of them that he had a place.
03:00:44.000 And he had a cage full of monkeys that he would make watch.
03:00:47.000 That he would be like, watch this, monkeys.
03:00:51.000 Okay, the bodyguard said he was disgusted by Uday's activities.
03:00:54.000 He points to a floor-to-ceiling cage in the corner of the club's kitchen where he says monkeys were kept for Uday because he'd like to have the animals watch him when he was deflowering virgins. 0.84
03:01:05.000 It was his to make the singers who entertained Uday at the boat club gulp down a liter and a half of a cocktail, a combination of 90-proof alcohol, often with some drugs thrown in.
03:01:27.000 Jesus.
03:01:30.000 Jesus.
03:01:38.000 Oh my god. 1.00
03:01:39.000 Damn, man! 1.00
03:01:40.000 So he has a team of people that will go out and just grab people for him. 0.99
03:01:45.000 I want to talk about how good comedy is, man.
03:01:47.000 I mean, can you imagine walking into a Funny Bone and they're like, drink this 10 liters, drink this liter, and you're like, dude, I just wanted to do a new joke about... 0.99
03:01:56.000 About fucking about tinder and like drink this fucking booze You don't don't want to read that article unless you really want to like fuck with your mind. 1.00
03:02:06.000 Yeah, because it's Ultimate evil. 1.00
03:02:09.000 It's that thing.
03:02:10.000 It's like It's in the Game of Thrones.
03:02:13.000 It's in all those tales of a king and he has an evil son like sometimes it's even a good king and But the son grows up with ultimate power and he becomes evil.
03:02:22.000 And they are torturous and vicious.
03:02:24.000 It's a cliché, almost, to have a torturous son of a dictator.
03:02:28.000 I wonder if they, at one point, started noticing that and they're like, hey, if you got a kid, just send him to live with an uncle. 1.00
03:02:33.000 Give him the fucking... 0.99
03:02:35.000 You send him not to be... 1.00
03:02:36.000 We don't need a murderous psycho. 0.99
03:02:38.000 How to not raise a psychopath for dummies. 0.99
03:02:40.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:02:40.000 If you're a king. 0.99
03:02:42.000 Just send him to a cousin, someone you know, a college friend.
03:02:46.000 Oh, you're going to tell me more.
03:02:48.000 Let's talk about them feeding two people to lions. 0.89
03:02:51.000 The lions pounced.
03:02:53.000 I saw the head of the first student literally come off his body with the first bite and then had to stand and watch the animals devour two young men.
03:03:02.000 By the time they were finished, there was little left but for the bones and bits and pieces of unwanted flesh. 1.00
03:03:09.000 Fucking fuck. 1.00
03:03:12.000 Hold on, look at the beginning of the story. 1.00
03:03:15.000 Ahmaud was Husay's chief executioner.
03:03:18.000 Last week as Iraqis celebrated the death of his former boss and his equally savage younger brother, Husay, he nervously revealed a hideous story. 0.98
03:03:28.000 His instructions that day in 1999 were to arrest the two 19-year-olds on the campus of Baghdad's Academy of Fine Arts and deliver them to Radhwanya?
03:03:40.000 How do you say that?
03:03:42.000 Radhwanya?
03:03:44.000 On arrival at the sprawling compound, he was directed to a farm where he found a large cage.
03:03:49.000 Inside, two lions waited.
03:03:50.000 They belonged to Uday.
03:03:53.000 Guards took the two young men from the car and opened the cage door.
03:03:56.000 One of the victims collapsed in terror As they were dragged, screaming and shouting to meet their fate.
03:04:02.000 Ahmaud watched as the students frantically looked for a way of escape.
03:04:06.000 There was none.
03:04:07.000 And this one, it says, the lions pounce.
03:04:09.000 I saw the head of the first student literally come off his body with the first bite, then had to stand and watch the animals devour the two young men. 1.00
03:04:16.000 Holy fuck, dude. 1.00
03:04:18.000 You know what's crazy? 1.00
03:04:18.000 If you think about it, it is almost worse for the executioner. 1.00
03:04:22.000 Because the guy's like...
03:04:24.000 You know what I mean?
03:04:25.000 He has to sit through it all.
03:04:26.000 He's not dying.
03:04:27.000 This is when a woman was pregnant and she was beheaded.
03:04:31.000 He beheaded her.
03:04:34.000 And the woman was beheaded knowing she was pregnant. 1.00
03:04:37.000 Oh my god, I don't even read this, man.
03:04:39.000 This goes on and on and on and on and on.
03:04:41.000 There's a shitload of those stories. 0.99
03:04:43.000 He was a serial killer. 0.94
03:04:44.000 Yeah.
03:04:44.000 Which is insane.
03:04:45.000 He was killing for pleasure and fun and shit. 1.00
03:04:47.000 And he had ultimate power. 1.00
03:04:48.000 Ultimate power and he was killing for a thrill.
03:04:52.000 Yeah, and then, I mean, I think you are so happy when the United States military shows up. 1.00
03:04:56.000 You're like, please, dude, this fucking guy. 0.99
03:04:58.000 One of the things said that at the dark day was when he found the internet and started looking up ways to torture people online and then started trying that shit out. 1.00
03:05:06.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 0.99
03:05:06.000 Dude, you're like, No, don't do that. 0.99
03:05:08.000 He's like, I found this thing called Google.
03:05:11.000 You're like, no, no, no, no, no.
03:05:12.000 You know what's wild?
03:05:13.000 Let's think of this.
03:05:14.000 What do you think would have happened if the United States didn't invade Iraq the second time?
03:05:18.000 The second Iraq war didn't break out. 1.00
03:05:20.000 Shit. 0.99
03:05:20.000 What do you think that would be like now? 0.99
03:05:22.000 I have no idea.
03:05:24.000 I feel like Middle East politics is so tricky with the way that all the power struggle is and everything that is.
03:05:29.000 Could you imagine if his sons were still alive?
03:05:31.000 I mean, this comes out after someone dies and you're like, would you have seen that had they stayed alive?
03:05:37.000 Would it have been more prevalent?
03:05:38.000 Would have gotten worse?
03:05:40.000 Would it have... 0.99
03:05:41.000 Hussein, fairly old when he was executed, he fucking might have been dead by now and they would have... 0.99
03:05:49.000 Can you imagine that power struggle? 0.99
03:05:51.000 Right.
03:05:51.000 Imagine the sons trying to take over from the dad.
03:05:53.000 Oh my god. 0.99
03:05:54.000 They would definitely try to kill their dad. 1.00
03:05:56.000 Yeah, there's no way they're not. 1.00
03:05:57.000 They're trying to kill everybody. 1.00
03:05:58.000 I bet, like you said, with the bodyguard, I bet that was a thing where his dad was like, shit. 1.00
03:06:05.000 Uday got fucking Billy. 1.00
03:06:07.000 Uday got Billy. 1.00
03:06:08.000 He probably gets everybody, man. 0.56
03:06:09.000 He literally raised a monster.
03:06:11.000 Yeah.
03:06:12.000 And were they arrested?
03:06:13.000 Were they detained by the US minister?
03:06:15.000 I think they were killed.
03:06:15.000 They were killed.
03:06:16.000 In their palaces, right?
03:06:18.000 I don't know.
03:06:19.000 I don't remember.
03:06:20.000 Because you wonder if you're like- I'm trying to remember.
03:06:22.000 If they tried to get them.
03:06:23.000 If they were like, we're going to try to bring you in.
03:06:25.000 Oh my God.
03:06:26.000 Why would you?
03:06:26.000 Yeah.
03:06:27.000 Study them. 1.00
03:06:28.000 Oh fuck it. 1.00
03:06:29.000 Interview them. 1.00
03:06:30.000 Be like, what the fuck's going on? 1.00
03:06:31.000 I mean, if there's ever a justification to just kill someone and you find them. 1.00
03:06:34.000 Those guys. 0.75
03:06:35.000 You just gave about seven examples.
03:06:37.000 Yeah.
03:06:38.000 But that is the number one cliché of the sons of these dictators.
03:06:44.000 Isn't that wild?
03:06:46.000 You have to think about monarchs, right?
03:06:49.000 You have to think about kings and their prince.
03:06:51.000 The sun takes over and they go on for generations after generations. 0.99
03:06:54.000 How fucking psycho is generation three and four? 0.99
03:06:57.000 Well, you have to match your grandpa's energy? 1.00
03:07:01.000 You gotta reach up and be like, I gotta fucking... 0.95
03:07:03.000 Nah, man, I kinda wanna do my own thing. 0.98
03:07:05.000 Yeah, he's the guy that took over the kingdom.
03:07:07.000 Yeah, that he fought for and took it over and then to rule it...
03:07:11.000 You always wonder if you're one of the serfs or one of the peasants in that place and you see the new guy and you're like...
03:07:18.000 Could be better.
03:07:19.000 This guy might be nice.
03:07:20.000 Maybe, yeah. 1.00
03:07:21.000 And then you see him do that shit and you're like... 1.00
03:07:23.000 God damn it. 1.00
03:07:23.000 Another fucking king. 1.00
03:07:25.000 You imagine what that must have been like. 1.00
03:07:27.000 I would love... 0.97
03:07:28.000 There's moments in history that if I could have a fucking time machine to have a realistic view of what it was like. 0.97
03:07:33.000 That would be one. 0.99
03:07:34.000 To see what it would be like to see King Henry VIII and see all the peasants in the village below him and he's eating a giant fucking turkey leg and shit and he's all fat. 1.00
03:07:43.000 Swollen ankles. 1.00
03:07:44.000 Killing his wives when he doesn't like them anymore. 1.00
03:07:46.000 Yeah, just munching and killing. 1.00
03:07:48.000 And then you have to like see the difference between those people and then the regular people that are right next to him.
03:07:54.000 Like how crazy this is.
03:07:55.000 They have like, you know, the civilians are the regular people, the peasants, the people that aren't the royalty.
03:08:01.000 They have to stand outside the gates and know that all their money goes to this guy.
03:08:05.000 He controls the military and he was just born into this.
03:08:08.000 Yeah.
03:08:09.000 His dad was a king and he's a prince.
03:08:11.000 But that's what I mean.
03:08:13.000 By the third generation, you're dealing with the third generation of everyone else being like... 0.99
03:08:17.000 And they're inbred by then.
03:08:18.000 Yeah, dude. 0.81
03:08:18.000 The goofy teeth, weird blood. 0.81
03:08:20.000 And they're ruthless. 0.89
03:08:21.000 But they're like...
03:08:22.000 Yeah, but that also... 1.00
03:08:24.000 That inbreeding really ramps that shit up. 1.00
03:08:26.000 You got an inbred guy being like, I want to torture. 1.00
03:08:29.000 I want to torture everybody. 0.80
03:08:30.000 But they...
03:08:32.000 But you think of that third generation of everyone else.
03:08:35.000 And entitled, raised by entitled people. 0.86
03:08:37.000 So entitled psychopaths raised by entitled psychopaths.
03:08:40.000 That's what I mean though, but to keep that power. 0.96
03:08:42.000 Oh my god. 1.00
03:08:43.000 And you got third generation psychopath and third generation civilians that are like, we're gonna fuck with- Off with his head! 1.00
03:08:48.000 Yeah, and they're like, okay. 1.00
03:08:49.000 Yeah, imagine having the power to just look at someone and go, off with his head!
03:08:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:08:53.000 They just chop your fucking head off and that's legal. 1.00
03:08:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:08:57.000 It's a legal execution. 0.99
03:08:58.000 Execute him? 1.00
03:08:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:08:59.000 The king would like him dead? 1.00
03:09:01.000 Oh, you, sir. 0.78
03:09:03.000 Have insulted the king.
03:09:04.000 You splashed mud.
03:09:06.000 Yeah. 0.94
03:09:06.000 Your head comes in a basket. 0.94
03:09:08.000 They hold it off for you.
03:09:08.000 Good.
03:09:09.000 Give him to the dogs. 0.99
03:09:10.000 It sounds like something we'd be doing now with overpopulation. 1.00
03:09:12.000 But then they were just doing it for fucking shits and gigs. 0.99
03:09:15.000 Well, it's something we would do now if people get ultimate power. 0.99
03:09:19.000 If someone had ultimate power like that, that just seems to be a horrible thing for people.
03:09:24.000 Just like we were talking earlier about, like, I'm a guy who wins all the time.
03:09:27.000 Like, you gotta lose.
03:09:28.000 Like, it's important to lose.
03:09:29.000 Like, there's a balance.
03:09:30.000 Humility.
03:09:30.000 You can't always be comfortable.
03:09:31.000 That's not good either.
03:09:32.000 There's a balance.
03:09:34.000 But there's a balance of power.
03:09:35.000 And you can't have too much power.
03:09:36.000 Because too much power is an intoxicant that it seems like very few can ignore or manage.
03:09:44.000 It seems like most that get into that position act ruthlessly.
03:09:49.000 They act like psychopaths.
03:09:50.000 Well, because they don't... 0.95
03:09:52.000 Fear anyone.
03:09:53.000 There's no balance of anything.
03:09:55.000 So you can't get to the point where you're a king and you can never get voted out.
03:09:58.000 You can't get to that point because that's what those guys are.
03:10:01.000 And also no one's gonna disagree with you.
03:10:03.000 Exactly. 1.00
03:10:03.000 Because you got all the shit. 1.00
03:10:05.000 You're gonna be so delusional. 1.00
03:10:06.000 You're not even gonna be able to communicate with people in a normal way because they're all gonna withhold information from you.
03:10:10.000 They're all terrified of you.
03:10:12.000 Yeah.
03:10:13.000 That's why.
03:10:14.000 Humility.
03:10:14.000 Did you see that movie The Dissident?
03:10:16.000 No.
03:10:17.000 It's about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi.
03:10:19.000 Okay.
03:10:19.000 You know what that is?
03:10:21.000 No.
03:10:21.000 Jamal Khashoggi was a reporter for the Washington Times, or the Washington Post, rather.
03:10:25.000 I do know.
03:10:25.000 The Saudi Arabians.
03:10:27.000 Yes.
03:10:27.000 And they said that the Saudi prince ordered the hit, and the nine guys walking in, and then...
03:10:33.000 It's dark.
03:10:34.000 Yeah.
03:10:35.000 It's dark.
03:10:35.000 So imagine this is happening today with all the internet and all the ability to talk about this and films being made about it and countless articles being written about it.
03:10:46.000 Imagine when it was like 100 years ago, 200 years ago, 500 years ago.
03:10:50.000 We were talking about that before the podcast where it's like bank robberies in the 80s.
03:10:53.000 You just go do it.
03:10:54.000 Oh, yeah.
03:10:55.000 And then you just go to another town. 1.00
03:10:56.000 Put a fucking mask on. 1.00
03:10:57.000 That one fucking knows. 1.00
03:10:58.000 In the 1800s. 1.00
03:10:59.000 Yeah, 1800s, you just go right around.
03:11:01.000 I don't know.
03:11:01.000 I'm going to knock off that stagecoach.
03:11:02.000 I bet they robbed banks constantly.
03:11:05.000 There's no...
03:11:06.000 Became a job.
03:11:07.000 Yeah.
03:11:07.000 Right?
03:11:07.000 Bank robber is like a thing.
03:11:09.000 Other robbers don't have its own name.
03:11:12.000 Yeah.
03:11:12.000 A bank robber, because it was so successful.
03:11:14.000 I guess car thief. 0.95
03:11:15.000 Horse thief. 0.83
03:11:16.000 Horse thief.
03:11:17.000 There were those, but... 0.82
03:11:17.000 But like, oh, she's a purse stealer. 0.82
03:11:21.000 Yeah.
03:11:22.000 Yeah.
03:11:23.000 Well, they do.
03:11:23.000 With Kuklinski, in that book by Philip Carlo, they talk about they didn't have a national database.
03:11:30.000 They weren't sharing information the way they share information now.
03:11:34.000 So Kuklinski could go and kill in Florida, come back up to New York, or shoot kids in North Carolina at a truck stop, and no one knew that they were all connected until he was like, yeah, I did that.
03:11:45.000 That makes sense. 0.66
03:11:46.000 Yeah, that's why I'd go to Bucks County, Pennsylvania to drop those bodies in when he lived in New Jersey.
03:11:50.000 Because he's like, I'm up in New Jersey.
03:11:51.000 It's a different state. 0.99
03:11:52.000 No one fucking knows. 0.99
03:11:53.000 Wow. 0.99
03:11:54.000 That totally makes sense.
03:11:55.000 Yeah, because you're just like, they're not sharing anything.
03:11:57.000 I can get away with this.
03:11:59.000 The internet changed everything.
03:12:01.000 Everything.
03:12:02.000 When you're a good criminal now, when you get away with something...
03:12:06.000 Respect.
03:12:06.000 There was a lot of them are like the Bitcoin criminals now or crypto criminals.
03:12:10.000 They're trying to steal people's crypto coins.
03:12:13.000 I know nothing about that.
03:12:14.000 So it's like so fun to think about someone just lurking around being like, I'm a crypto.
03:12:20.000 I'm a crypto burglar.
03:12:22.000 You're like, I don't even know. 0.99
03:12:23.000 I don't even know what the fuck it is. 0.99
03:12:24.000 So good luck. 0.99
03:12:25.000 The real scary crime these days is like digital crime.
03:12:28.000 That's what people are worried about.
03:12:29.000 That's terrifying.
03:12:30.000 Yeah.
03:12:30.000 You ever had a notification on your email where they're like, someone used your Netflix, like, and it's my mom.
03:12:36.000 Like, all right.
03:12:37.000 You were signing in on your Apple TV. Netflix apparently has got a plan to crack down on that.
03:12:41.000 Good luck.
03:12:41.000 Yeah.
03:12:42.000 Good luck.
03:12:43.000 They said they had 100 million people illegally using their passwords.
03:12:47.000 I can give you four names right now, Netflix.
03:12:49.000 Call me up. 0.62
03:12:49.000 I'll rat on four people I know. 0.62
03:12:52.000 How is it so easy to do?
03:12:53.000 You just log in?
03:12:55.000 But you just log in with multiple devices all over the place?
03:12:58.000 Yeah, I'm telling you.
03:12:58.000 I've gotten that email where my mom...
03:13:00.000 I guess in a desire to make it more convenient for you, that you could watch it on your phone, you could watch it on your television.
03:13:07.000 I have it on my laptop.
03:13:08.000 I have my HBO Max open on my laptop.
03:13:11.000 I have it on my PlayStation.
03:13:12.000 So it's like I can watch it at home.
03:13:14.000 So one could be a different thing.
03:13:16.000 Or just a complete different person.
03:13:18.000 Right.
03:13:18.000 One could be a complete different person.
03:13:20.000 Or it could be you're watching two different shows.
03:13:22.000 How do you, you know what I mean?
03:13:23.000 Maybe I'll have two different TVs.
03:13:25.000 There's going to be a Netflix monitor that's like, all right.
03:13:28.000 I have severe ADHD. I like to watch things on two different screens.
03:13:31.000 Okay, show me all the devices.
03:13:32.000 I watch a laptop while I'm watching a regular screen.
03:13:35.000 I do that all the time, dude.
03:13:37.000 Yeah, I used to play video games.
03:13:38.000 I'd put your podcast on and play video games.
03:13:40.000 Oh, that's different though.
03:13:41.000 But it's like with the video.
03:13:43.000 But podcast is perfect because it's just a conversation.
03:13:45.000 You can tune in, tune out.
03:13:46.000 I do that with Last Podcast on the Left.
03:13:48.000 I love it.
03:13:49.000 I just put it on and I play video games and then I'll be like, oh, what did Jack the Ripper do? 0.96
03:13:53.000 Come back in that's how I found that Dahmer party book cuz I was like damn sounds hold on rewind that podcast this shit sounds intense I wish I could remember all the cool things that I've figured out or rather was was told on this podcast. 0.94
03:14:06.000 Oh my god I wish I could remember cuz there's so many fucking people have told me cool shit Have you ever thought about things that we googled and figured out Jay and I said did this thing on the bonfire cuz we have topics that we'd start and then Go somewhere else. 0.96
03:14:18.000 This guy was like, I want to go through and find all the topics that you never finished. 0.97
03:14:23.000 It's like, that's seven years of that.
03:14:24.000 And the guy gave up.
03:14:26.000 The guy was in it for a little bit and he's like, and I respect the fuck out of the effort.
03:14:30.000 But if someone did that for you and found all the stuff you were told from all, you know what I mean?
03:14:36.000 Right, yeah.
03:14:37.000 And just put it in the great book of knowledge.
03:14:39.000 Things you've said multiple times.
03:14:42.000 You told this story four times.
03:14:43.000 You always know that. 0.99
03:14:44.000 But at least it clogs, like, it fucks it up for liars. 0.95
03:14:48.000 Because, like, if you lie and you forget your lie, you know, you're making up stories. 0.94
03:14:54.000 And then you're coming back and being like, well, actually, what happened is, like, we got proof that this is different.
03:14:57.000 You told a different story.
03:14:59.000 You told a complete different story.
03:15:01.000 The human memory is definitely limited.
03:15:04.000 I can tell you for a fact.
03:15:05.000 At least mine is.
03:15:07.000 I only have room for so much.
03:15:09.000 I have terrible short-term memory.
03:15:14.000 But I have great long-term memory.
03:15:16.000 I can remember some stuff.
03:15:19.000 Things that I care about, I can remember.
03:15:21.000 Like I'm very good with MMA stats and statistics and I can recall past fights and stuff like that.
03:15:26.000 I know wrestling matches sometimes.
03:15:28.000 Yeah, there you go.
03:15:28.000 Exactly.
03:15:28.000 Same thing.
03:15:29.000 Boxing matches.
03:15:30.000 I can talk about boxing matches from the 80s when I was young.
03:15:33.000 But even then, sometimes I get it wrong.
03:15:35.000 Yeah, I mean stand-up, I always loved that.
03:15:38.000 Because, you know, growing up such a big fan.
03:15:39.000 I was also the first generation to grow up with Comedy Central.
03:15:42.000 When they played stand-up.
03:15:43.000 Oh, a lot.
03:15:44.000 Non-stop. 0.98
03:15:44.000 How did they fuck it up? 0.98
03:15:45.000 I don't know, dude.
03:15:46.000 What did they do?
03:15:47.000 Because they had it.
03:15:48.000 What did they have?
03:15:48.000 They have South Park now.
03:15:49.000 South Park and Daily Show.
03:15:50.000 Do they have other good shows?
03:15:51.000 Oh, the Daily Show still.
03:15:52.000 But that's all it is.
03:15:53.000 What else do they have?
03:15:53.000 I don't really know.
03:15:54.000 I don't really know, but I know- They were on top of the fucking world. 0.98
03:15:58.000 You would go to Comedy Central if you wanted to laugh. 0.94
03:16:00.000 But also, it was so consistently, when I was growing up, it was so consistent, you'd put it on at 2pm and watch a premium blend.
03:16:06.000 Well, when they went bad on Ari, that was a bad sign, not just of the fact that they were willing to do that, but that's the direction.
03:16:13.000 That's how they think about it.
03:16:15.000 Yeah, it was talking to Ari about that because I had a story and Jay had a story and we both reached out to Ari and we're like, dude, we'll cancel. 0.91
03:16:23.000 And he was like, please don't.
03:16:24.000 He's like, I need that crew to work.
03:16:26.000 Yeah, he was actually going to pay them for all their wages if they didn't have to work.
03:16:32.000 He was trying to figure out how he could do it.
03:16:34.000 Maybe he was going to take out a loan.
03:16:35.000 But he was also very hands-on with who got the show and Roy Wood Jr. rules.
03:16:40.000 Yeah, Roy Wood Jr. is awesome.
03:16:41.000 He's one of my favorite comedians.
03:16:43.000 He's the perfect sensibility.
03:16:45.000 He's a funny guy.
03:16:46.000 He's a great host.
03:16:48.000 He's great.
03:16:49.000 Everything.
03:16:49.000 All the above.
03:16:50.000 But the way they did it was just so crazy.
03:16:52.000 Like, so you can't do a Netflix special.
03:16:54.000 If you do a Netflix special and you don't do a Comedy Central special for less money and less exposure, we're going to cancel your Comedy Central show.
03:17:02.000 Yeah.
03:17:03.000 Like, what?
03:17:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:17:04.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
03:17:06.000 That's where you start being like, well, if you were smart, you'd be like, go do the Netflix thing. 1.00
03:17:10.000 Which would bring more eyes to the Comedy Central show.
03:17:13.000 That would be smart.
03:17:14.000 But the thing is, are you contractually obligated to do a special at Comedy Central?
03:17:17.000 If not, then this should be a no-brainer.
03:17:19.000 Do you have an exclusive where you could only be on Comedy Central?
03:17:22.000 And it didn't seem like there was.
03:17:23.000 But it was like...
03:17:25.000 Watching him get fired from a show that he created.
03:17:27.000 I was there when he created it, man.
03:17:29.000 I was there in the early days at the lab, the improv.
03:17:32.000 It was just called this, like, I think he called it unnamed storyteller.
03:17:36.000 No, what was it in the beginning?
03:17:38.000 He would have, like, different names for, like, what other subjects.
03:17:40.000 I think he's bringing that back.
03:17:41.000 Psychedelica.
03:17:42.000 Yeah.
03:17:43.000 I think he's bringing back the unnamed storyteller, because we did it at the Ryman as part of the national...
03:17:46.000 No, no, he calls it the unnamed storyteller show.
03:17:48.000 That's not what he called it back then.
03:17:49.000 Oh, okay.
03:17:49.000 Back then he would have, like, names for each individual subject.
03:17:53.000 Well, that's kind of how he did the episodes when it became a show, where he'd be like, sex would be an episode.
03:17:58.000 Psychedelics.
03:17:59.000 Crime.
03:17:59.000 No, that is how he did it.
03:18:01.000 But what I'm saying is that he would name it that.
03:18:03.000 It didn't have a name.
03:18:04.000 It wasn't like unknown.
03:18:06.000 He became This Is Not Happening on Comedy Central.
03:18:09.000 But before then, it was just like whatever the subject was, I think.
03:18:12.000 I think it would just be Ari Shafir presents Psychedelica.
03:18:15.000 And people would go, knowing that it was a storyteller show.
03:18:18.000 He'd explain it at the beginning.
03:18:19.000 He would tell a story.
03:18:20.000 And then he would bring people up and they would tell stories.
03:18:22.000 But he had this idea that it would be a great way to work on bits because people would accept the fact that it is a story.
03:18:28.000 So you don't feel as constrained to the set-up punchline, set-up punchline, and allow you to maybe explore ideas that you didn't really know how to breach just on stage during a regular act with your tight material.
03:18:41.000 Yeah, he was also very encouraging about it, where he would be...
03:18:45.000 When I did the show, I actually, at Moon Tower Comedy Festival, I did his show and I did this story about being in college and living with a weed dealer and getting robbed.
03:18:54.000 And I got off stage and he's like, listen, we're going to film in June, have it ready by then.
03:19:00.000 And so then I would just be on the road and work this story out in the middle of the act.
03:19:04.000 And it was so fun.
03:19:06.000 So fun learning how to, it really taught me how to write differently.
03:19:10.000 Yeah, it's an exercise in writing, and it's Ari's idea.
03:19:12.000 It was 100% created by Ari.
03:19:14.000 I watched it happen.
03:19:15.000 And it was a unique way to tell stories. 0.97
03:19:17.000 Like, he decided to put together theme-based shows and have people go up and fuck around with stories. 0.89
03:19:25.000 Like, you'd call me up, do you have any stories about drugs?
03:19:29.000 He would put on a drug show, and some of them didn't work, and some of them I pursued, and one of them I wound up doing on his show on YouTube.
03:19:37.000 It was fun.
03:19:38.000 But the thing is, it didn't make any sense that they did that.
03:19:43.000 And when they did kick him off a show that I watched him create, a show that was uniquely suited to his personality, too.
03:19:52.000 Like, he had a passion for that.
03:19:54.000 Yeah.
03:19:55.000 It was like, okay, they're going downhill.
03:19:57.000 This is not good.
03:19:58.000 Yeah, I also think the streaming services kind of blew everyone up because they had such a way.
03:20:04.000 Cable had such a grab on it from the 90s.
03:20:08.000 They were like, where are you guys going to go? 0.99
03:20:09.000 They had that attitude at the end, like, where the fuck are you going to go? 0.97
03:20:13.000 And streaming was like, right here. 0.98
03:20:15.000 Yeah.
03:20:15.000 Everyone's gonna go to streaming.
03:20:16.000 And now I can't imagine...
03:20:18.000 Appointment television now is fun when it happens.
03:20:21.000 Appointment is a great way to put it.
03:20:23.000 Appointment television.
03:20:24.000 Yeah, when you're like, Sunday night, I'm gonna sit down and watch this show and I'm gonna keep caught up with the show.
03:20:28.000 Because now most of the time you're like, did you watch the season of...
03:20:32.000 Now binging's normal.
03:20:33.000 DVR has changed everything, too.
03:20:35.000 DVR has changed it first, and then streaming and binging changed it.
03:20:39.000 I'm binging Yellowstone right now.
03:20:41.000 I know a lot of people love that. 0.99
03:20:42.000 It's fucking good, man. 0.98
03:20:44.000 I was a little skeptical. 0.98
03:20:45.000 Yeah, I'm watching that winning time.
03:20:47.000 But see, here's the thing about the Lakers show on HBO. They're doing episodes weekly, and I binged, and I think I'm about to hit.
03:20:55.000 Oh, no.
03:20:55.000 And I'm like, no.
03:20:56.000 I told Jay, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
03:20:58.000 I need more.
03:20:58.000 I need more.
03:20:59.000 Give me the whole fucking season. 0.99
03:20:59.000 I got that with Succession. 0.99
03:21:01.000 Yeah. 0.96
03:21:01.000 Succession's fucking awesome, and I got to the end. 0.96
03:21:03.000 I was like, no! 0.98
03:21:05.000 Yeah, you just wait for it.
03:21:07.000 To wait.
03:21:07.000 Yeah.
03:21:08.000 Ozark is another one you gotta wait.
03:21:09.000 I gotta get into that.
03:21:10.000 That's the one I'm in next to.
03:21:11.000 That's my next. 0.99
03:21:12.000 Damn, it's good. 0.98
03:21:13.000 And I think the next ones that come out are the last ones. 0.98
03:21:17.000 I think they come out like next week, right?
03:21:18.000 Is that when Ozark comes out?
03:21:20.000 And that's it.
03:21:20.000 It's the end of the show.
03:21:22.000 You know it's gonna be fucking insane. 0.94
03:21:23.000 That's almost like a binge challenge. 0.81
03:21:25.000 You're like, can you get there next week?
03:21:26.000 And you're like, You want to.
03:21:29.000 You want to.
03:21:29.000 It's that good.
03:21:30.000 It's one of the best shows of all time.
03:21:31.000 I love Jason Bateman, too. 0.96
03:21:33.000 Yeah, it's fucking amazing. 0.97
03:21:34.000 I gotta wrap this up, brother. 0.96
03:21:36.000 Tell everybody where you're gonna be, how they can find you.
03:21:39.000 Yeah, Winnipeg Rumors.
03:21:41.000 DanSoda.com.
03:21:42.000 I'm gonna be in Philly at Helium.
03:21:44.000 Gonna be in Tampa Bay at Sidesplitters.
03:21:46.000 I'm just on the road.
03:21:47.000 DanSoda.com.
03:21:48.000 Listen to The Bonfire.
03:21:49.000 Twitter.
03:21:50.000 SiriusXM Satellite Radio.
03:21:52.000 Me and Big J's show.
03:21:53.000 That's right.
03:21:54.000 My friend Bruce listens to that.
03:21:56.000 Yeah, we love doing the show.
03:21:58.000 It's on Faction Talk 103. Beautiful.
03:22:02.000 There's the schedule, Helium.
03:22:04.000 Yeah.
03:22:04.000 Kankerug at Helium in Philly.
03:22:06.000 One of the greatest clubs of all time.
03:22:07.000 Oh my god, I love Philly.
03:22:08.000 Alright.
03:22:09.000 Thank you, brother.
03:22:09.000 It was a lot of fun.
03:22:10.000 We gotta do this more often.
03:22:11.000 Hell yeah.
03:22:11.000 100%.
03:22:12.000 Yeah, very fun.
03:22:12.000 Do some shows together, too.
03:22:13.000 Yeah.
03:22:14.000 Alright.
03:22:14.000 Bye, everybody.
03:22:16.000 Bye.