The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1809 - Jessica Kirson

00:00:16.000 Well, it's way easier for you to say that than me. 1.00

00:00:19.000 I'm watching this fucking Johnny Depp trial. 0.98

00:00:22.000 I haven't, but I'm dying to know about it. 0.99

00:00:25.000 I'm watching this trial like it's a cautionary tale. 0.96

00:00:29.000 It's a cautionary tale about believing in bullshit, forming a narrative in your head like we're rebels together. 0.99

00:00:37.000 That's what I felt like about Anthony Bourdain and his relationship too, that crazy woman. 0.99

00:00:42.000 And then you're seeing it all play out in court. 0.89

00:00:47.000 You're seeing all the crazy come out. 0.99

00:00:50.000 Do you know the fact that he talked about her shitting in his bed? 1.00

00:00:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:00:54.000 Yeah, it's great. 0.99

00:00:56.000 So hot.

00:00:57.000 Do you think?

00:00:57.000 No.

00:00:58.000 No, right?

00:00:59.000 It's a real problem.

00:01:01.000 Hard to forget.

00:01:03.000 It's a real problem.

00:01:04.000 That's hard to forget.

00:01:05.000 But she said that she used this specific makeup to cover all of her bruises that Johnny gave her, which is not true.

00:01:14.000 Specific makeup.

00:01:15.000 Well, the problem is it was a specific makeup.

00:01:18.000 It turns out that the company didn't even make that makeup at the time that she was claiming she was using it.

00:01:24.000 Oh, wow.

00:01:26.000 That's crazy.

00:01:27.000 Really?

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 But that's what happens with people like that.

00:01:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:01:30.000 People that are just completely manipulative and full of shit like that. 1.00

00:01:35.000 Doug Stanhope knows her. 1.00

00:01:37.000 Stanhope's buddies with Johnny Depp.

00:01:40.000 And he wrote something.

00:01:42.000 I forget what he wrote. 1.00

00:01:44.000 I think he wrote a little essay about how full of shit she is. 1.00

00:01:48.000 And she threatened to sue him. 1.00

00:01:49.000 And I think he had to wind up taking it down. 0.69

00:01:51.000 I hope I'm not fucking that up.

00:01:53.000 But he knows her.

00:01:54.000 He knows her well. 1.00

00:01:55.000 And he's like, she's out of her fucking mind. 1.00

00:01:57.000 And I'm like, like a crazy actress. 1.00

00:01:59.000 He's like, yeah, those are real. 0.64

00:02:01.000 Of course, there's a ton of them.

00:02:03.000 There's a lot of them.

00:02:04.000 That's why they're good.

00:02:06.000 That is why they're good.

00:02:06.000 Yeah, they're great actresses.

00:02:08.000 They can just start crying.

00:02:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:10.000 Yeah, the whole Johnny Depp thing is just...

00:02:13.000 He was famous when he was 20. And I don't think you get any kind of perspective like that.

00:02:20.000 I think you're fucked. 0.99

00:02:22.000 It's like making cement, but you don't add in all the ingredients. 1.00

00:02:26.000 And it's like, oh, it never cured right.

00:02:28.000 Yeah.

00:02:29.000 Well, I mean, Johnny Depp, what happened?

00:02:31.000 He looks...

00:02:32.000 It's rough.

00:02:33.000 It's 55 years of coke.

00:02:36.000 LAUGHTER He's not 75. He looks great for what he's doing.

00:02:43.000 He's like 60, right?

00:02:45.000 Yeah, but then he started at 5. He started doing coke at 5. How old is Johnny's up?

00:02:50.000 He's got to be 60. What is he, 58?

00:02:52.000 58. He looks like it's 55 years of donuts.

00:02:56.000 Coke would make you look thin?

00:02:58.000 Well, he's not athletic.

00:03:00.000 He's not working out.

00:03:01.000 He's not taking care of himself.

00:03:03.000 For a long time, at least he smoked cigarettes.

00:03:05.000 I don't know if he still does, but all those factors, they contribute to poor health.

00:03:13.000 The outfits aren't great either.

00:03:15.000 Where is she shopping? 1.00

00:03:18.000 Both of them, right?

00:03:20.000 She's copying him, supposedly.

00:03:22.000 She mimics his outfits.

00:03:25.000 Let's see.

00:03:25.000 What's going on here?

00:03:26.000 I just had a weird tie on.

00:03:28.000 Oh, it's just white.

00:03:30.000 Just white?

00:03:31.000 That looks like it's very short.

00:03:33.000 I think that's a vest, guys.

00:03:35.000 It's tucked into a vest.

00:03:37.000 Oh, okay.

00:03:37.000 That is a vest.

00:03:38.000 Yeah, it's hard.

00:03:39.000 We're looking at low-resolution photos.

00:03:41.000 I mean, the whole thing is just...

00:03:43.000 He has a bob.

00:03:44.000 Here's the problem.

00:03:45.000 Even if he wins, she doesn't have any money.

00:03:47.000 Like, if he gets $50 million in a settlement, the only good thing is, everybody knows now.

00:03:54.000 And this is a good thing.

00:03:55.000 This is one of the reasons why it's good that he did this.

00:03:57.000 Everyone knows now.

00:03:58.000 Like, there's something wrong with her.

00:04:00.000 There's something wrong. 0.96

00:04:01.000 There's some sort of mental issue.

00:04:06.000 There's a lot of mental issues. 1.00

00:04:08.000 And you said she shit in his bed. 1.00

00:04:09.000 I didn't say that. 1.00

00:04:11.000 They said that.

00:04:12.000 Who's they?

00:04:13.000 The people on the news.

00:04:16.000 Well, they're always right.

00:04:18.000 That's what I found out the last year. 1.00

00:04:21.000 Okay, so they said that she shit in his bed. 1.00

00:04:24.000 For what reason? 1.00

00:04:24.000 To mark territory? 1.00

00:04:26.000 Johnny Depp testified that Amber Heard ate a cheesy gordita crunch from Taco Bell.

00:04:31.000 Breaking news.

00:04:34.000 Okay, let's see.

00:04:38.000 That might be fake news. 0.99

00:04:42.000 We're going to find out whether or not Amber Heard shit in the bed next on the Joe Rogan Experience. 0.99

00:04:56.000 Okay. 0.99

00:04:56.000 Clips of Johnny Depp accusing Amber Heard of defecating in bed go viral. 0.99

00:05:01.000 Imagine, what a slow week for news. 1.00

00:05:04.000 Newsweek is like, fuck Syria. 1.00

00:05:06.000 Forget about the Ukraine. 1.00

00:05:08.000 Let's find out about pooping. 0.99

00:05:09.000 There's children's hospitals being blown up in Ukraine, but let's find out if she's shitting his bed. 1.00

00:05:14.000 Look at him. 0.97

00:05:14.000 I'm on my side of the bed. 0.97

00:05:16.000 It was human fecal matter.

00:05:19.000 Let me hear how he says it.

00:05:23.000 It wasn't a good time.

00:05:24.000 It's human fecal matter.

00:05:26.000 Jesus Christ.

00:05:33.000 It wasn't a good time to go down there.

00:05:36.000 She was sitting on one side of the couch, I was sitting on the other.

00:05:41.000 That's when she was trying to explain a few things about Coachella and then the fecal delivery.

00:05:55.000 And saying that it was the dogs.

00:05:59.000 And I'm sorry, I could not agree with her.

00:06:02.000 I lived with those dogs.

00:06:04.000 I picked up their fun.

00:06:06.000 It was not the dogs.

00:06:12.000 Look at his face!

00:06:13.000 First of all, this is a big win for Johnny Depp.

00:06:16.000 And a big loss with Pirates of the Caribbean. 1.00

00:06:19.000 How about fuck you guys? 1.00

00:06:20.000 You got rid of the best fucking pirate you've ever had. 1.00

00:06:23.000 For a crazy lady. 1.00

00:06:25.000 You fucked up! 1.00

00:06:26.000 Fecal delivery. 1.00

00:06:27.000 Yeah, fecal delivery. 0.84

00:06:29.000 Daddy, I just made fecal delivery!

00:06:33.000 Can you change me?

00:06:36.000 What's fecal delivery? 0.96

00:06:38.000 That's a nice way of saying in court. 1.00

00:06:40.000 She shit the bed. 1.00

00:06:41.000 Because you can't say that in court. 1.00

00:06:43.000 I made a fecal delivery. 1.00

00:06:45.000 What happens if he said, she shit in my bed in court? 1.00

00:06:48.000 Do they kick you out? 1.00

00:06:49.000 Do they get mad at you? 0.85

00:06:50.000 She made a dump in my bed. 1.00

00:06:53.000 I bet you could say dump. 0.97

00:06:54.000 She dumped. 1.00

00:06:55.000 Excuse me.

00:06:57.000 Objection!

00:07:01.000 The defendant is using slang. 1.00

00:07:03.000 She fucking shit in my bed. 1.00

00:07:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:05.000 Fucking bitch shit in my bed. 1.00

00:07:07.000 Did you see him smirking? 1.00

00:07:09.000 Yeah.

00:07:09.000 That's what made me laugh so hard.

00:07:11.000 Yeah.

00:07:12.000 Through all of this.

00:07:13.000 But this is like what can happen to a guy like that.

00:07:16.000 If you get caught up in that romantic idea that this is my woman.

00:07:19.000 He didn't even sign a prenup.

00:07:21.000 He was worth like $300 million.

00:07:23.000 Oh my god.

00:07:24.000 And he didn't sign a prenup. 1.00

00:07:27.000 What an idiot! 1.00

00:07:28.000 You know what, then he, like... 1.00

00:07:29.000 Well, uh, Embers insisted we were in love.

00:07:33.000 We wouldn't need a prenup. 1.00

00:07:35.000 And, like, I didn't expect her to take a fucking shit in my bed. 1.00

00:07:40.000 How long were they even married for? 1.00

00:07:42.000 I don't know, 11 days.

00:07:43.000 They're in Virginia, in Fairfax, Virginia.

00:07:46.000 That's where the court is?

00:07:47.000 Yeah.

00:07:48.000 I wonder if it's favorable for plaintiffs there, because it's a civil case where he's suing her for $50 million.

00:07:56.000 It's like a defamation case.

00:08:00.000 The thing is, there was a video or an audio recording that came out where she was admitting to hitting him.

00:08:06.000 She changed this narrative.

00:08:08.000 And the way she was talking about it publicly is that he was abusive.

00:08:11.000 And that she was just this victim and she tried to protect him by not telling anybody.

00:08:15.000 And then there's, I think that's roughly it.

00:08:17.000 And then there was this audio recording that he had secretly recorded where she's talking about hitting him.

00:08:23.000 And he said, you punched me.

00:08:24.000 And he said, I didn't punch you, I hit you.

00:08:27.000 I didn't punch you, I hit you.

00:08:29.000 Yeah, that's a good voice.

00:08:31.000 No, you punched me.

00:08:34.000 No, I didn't.

00:08:35.000 I didn't punch you.

00:08:38.000 Yeah, you did.

00:08:40.000 No, I didn't.

00:08:42.000 Yeah, you totally punched me. 0.61

00:08:47.000 You totally punched me.

00:08:48.000 No, I didn't.

00:08:49.000 I just brushed against you.

00:08:53.000 Yeah, and you deposited feces in my bed. 0.99

00:08:57.000 I think the finger argument when she cut his finger off... 1.00

00:09:01.000 This is the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard. 1.00

00:09:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:05.000 What were they arguing about?

00:09:07.000 I want to say it might have something to do with the prenup.

00:09:11.000 The finger argument.

00:09:12.000 I think it was about the depositing of feces.

00:09:16.000 Can you imagine if it was the other way around?

00:09:18.000 If the woman had 300 million dollars and the guy was like cutting her finger off because she wouldn't sign a prenup? 1.00

00:09:23.000 He'd be put in jail for the rest of- She threw a fucking bottle at him! 1.00

00:09:29.000 Why did she- find out please, because I don't want to get sued. 0.99

00:09:32.000 Did they ever explain why she deposited feces in his bed?

00:09:36.000 Well, the fecal delivery was unexpected.

00:09:42.000 I coughed and it just came out, Johnny.

00:09:46.000 She probably did X-lax cut ecstasy. 1.00

00:09:50.000 Like ecstasy that's cut with X-lax.

00:09:52.000 You know they do that.

00:09:53.000 With ex-lax?

00:09:55.000 Yes.

00:09:55.000 They cut cocaine with ex-lax.

00:09:59.000 Are you kidding me?

00:10:00.000 No, not at all.

00:10:00.000 Because cocaine is already ex-lax.

00:10:03.000 No, they definitely do.

00:10:04.000 They do it.

00:10:05.000 Why? 0.98

00:10:05.000 Because they're dirty people that are just trying to make money off you, right? 0.98

00:10:08.000 That's horrible because cocaine made me shit like a motherfucker. 1.00

00:10:12.000 Did it? 1.00

00:10:12.000 The second I did cocaine, I shit my brains out. 1.00

00:10:16.000 Really? 0.99

00:10:16.000 Yes. 0.99

00:10:16.000 It's like coffee then. 0.99

00:10:18.000 Yeah.

00:10:18.000 You never did cocaine?

00:10:20.000 No, I've never done cocaine.

00:10:21.000 I didn't know that.

00:10:22.000 That's incredible that you've never done cocaine.

00:10:24.000 It made me go right away.

00:10:26.000 It made me anxious.

00:10:27.000 So I went immediately.

00:10:28.000 When I was in high school, one of my good friends had a cousin that was selling coke.

00:10:33.000 Yeah.

00:10:33.000 And I saw him literally lose his life.

00:10:36.000 He's still alive.

00:10:37.000 Yeah.

00:10:37.000 But I mean, everything fell apart.

00:10:38.000 He lost all this weight.

00:10:39.000 It was just hiding in...

00:10:40.000 They had an attic apartment.

00:10:42.000 They were in this attic apartment all day.

00:10:44.000 And all they were doing was doing coke, selling coke, and watching TV. And I was like, whoa.

00:10:48.000 Yeah.

00:10:49.000 It's bad.

00:10:49.000 I had a very hard time on that.

00:10:51.000 I got very paranoid.

00:10:53.000 I looked out of a peephole for six hours at a time.

00:10:55.000 Depp said he painted with the blood on his finger after it was cut during a fight with Herd.

00:11:01.000 During the testimony of a violent argument in Australia in 2005, Herd claimed the result of the tip of his finger being cut off.

00:11:08.000 But what was the reason for it?

00:11:12.000 Heard threw two vodka bottles at him, and when one exploded, sliced his finger to the point where the bone was exposed.

00:11:20.000 But what was the argument about?

00:11:23.000 I think the argument was...

00:11:25.000 Well, then he then just says what he wrote on the mirror.

00:11:28.000 It had to do with Billy Bob.

00:11:29.000 Reminders.

00:11:30.000 Billy Bob and Easy Amber.

00:11:32.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:11:32.000 Billy Bob Thornton fucked her. 1.00

00:11:36.000 That guy's a stud. 1.00

00:11:37.000 He fucked Angelina Jolie. 1.00

00:11:39.000 He fucked her. 1.00

00:11:40.000 Which is so... 1.00

00:11:41.000 I mean, I would kill to fuck Angelina Jolie. 1.00

00:11:44.000 How much would you kill? 1.00

00:11:45.000 Like a puppy? 1.00

00:11:47.000 Like a whole kindergarten fucking class. 1.00

00:11:53.000 Of my own children. 1.00

00:11:55.000 Back then, too, she was super young.

00:11:57.000 She was hot! 1.00

00:11:59.000 And they were doing the blood thing where they took each other's blood and put it in a vial and hung it around their neck.

00:12:04.000 Yep.

00:12:05.000 Yep. 1.00

00:12:06.000 They must have been doing wild shit together. 1.00

00:12:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:12:10.000 Sometimes them couples, them fiery couples, they get together.

00:12:13.000 They get together and that's what happens.

00:12:16.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Yeah, they mix liquids and fucking... 1.00

00:12:20.000 Throw bottles at each other. 1.00

00:12:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:21.000 Fucking bash each other's heads into the wall. 1.00

00:12:23.000 Shit in each other's beds. 1.00

00:12:25.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:12:26.000 We're partying. 1.00

00:12:27.000 We're rock stars, bitch. 1.00

00:12:31.000 Billy Bob Thornton insists he didn't sleep with Amber Heard. 0.99

00:12:36.000 He says it's not true.

00:12:37.000 Oh.

00:12:37.000 That's what he says.

00:12:38.000 Well, if he's saying that, it's probably not true.

00:12:40.000 Her eyes.

00:12:41.000 Her eyes.

00:12:42.000 Look.

00:12:42.000 It's crazy.

00:12:43.000 Look in her eyes.

00:12:44.000 Yes. 1.00

00:12:44.000 Or he wants to fuck her again. 1.00

00:12:46.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:12:47.000 He's like, I didn't, but I will now. 1.00

00:12:50.000 Maybe he wants to fuck her again. 1.00

00:12:51.000 Maybe he's single, and she contacted him, like, this is such bullshit, like, fucking Johnny is doing this to me, and it's so traumatic. 1.00

00:13:00.000 Yeah, listen, that sucks. 1.00

00:13:02.000 Listen, don't worry. 0.95

00:13:04.000 I mean, I'll just cover for you. 0.89

00:13:06.000 If you want to deposit feces in my bed. 0.83

00:13:09.000 Wow, okay. 1.00

00:13:13.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:13:15.000 We're getting a chance to see through this Will Smith thing with Jada Pinkett, through this Johnny Depp thing with Amber Heard. 0.99

00:13:26.000 They're not just protected by publicists anymore.

00:13:29.000 It's not like they can just hide and you think of them as these impossible people who are without flaws.

00:13:35.000 And then when they die, you see the autobiography and you're like, oh! 1.00

00:13:39.000 John Crawford was fucking crazy! 1.00

00:13:41.000 Right. 1.00

00:13:42.000 That's so true. 1.00

00:13:43.000 We found out years later that they shit in a bed. 1.00

00:13:47.000 That's what it used to be like. 1.00

00:13:48.000 Now you see it. 0.99

00:13:48.000 You actually watch them shitting in a bed. 0.99

00:13:51.000 On OnlyFans. 0.98

00:13:52.000 Amber has to pay the bills. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Imagine? 0.99

00:13:54.000 It's like Amber shitting the bed on OnlyFans. 0.99

00:13:57.000 Pretty soon you're going to watch the shit come out of some celebrity's asshole. 1.00

00:14:02.000 For sure if they need money. 1.00

00:14:04.000 For sure if it gets hard.

00:14:08.000 Hard times, like in between films. 1.00

00:14:10.000 Did you see the shit come out of Britney Spears' ass on video? 1.00

00:14:15.000 It's all over their internet. 1.00

00:14:16.000 You're gonna watch someone's shit now. 1.00

00:14:18.000 Somebody had a really good point. 1.00

00:14:20.000 Who'd they compare Britney Spears to? 0.84

00:14:22.000 They were like, why is it that Britney Spears, that her parents claimed conservatorship over her?

00:14:29.000 But look at all the male celebrities. 0.99

00:14:32.000 That are off the charts fucking crazy, blowing all their money. 0.99

00:14:35.000 Who did they use as an example, though? 0.99

00:14:37.000 Someone recently. 0.99

00:14:39.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:14:41.000 A guy? 1.00

00:14:42.000 Yes, it was a guy that's out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:14:45.000 I'm trying to think of who's really out of their mind who's blowing money. 1.00

00:14:50.000 Kanye, maybe?

00:14:51.000 Maybe it was Kanye.

00:14:52.000 Does he blow money?

00:14:53.000 He does, but he has so much that it's like...

00:14:57.000 He has an unstoppable amount of money, because he's got money coming in constantly from all the Yeezys. 0.98

00:15:04.000 Yeezys fly off the shelves.

00:15:07.000 And all of his other businesses, and then his music, and then he's got that brilliant music player.

00:15:13.000 Have you seen that music player?

00:15:14.000 No. 0.99

00:15:15.000 It's fucking incredible. 0.98

00:15:16.000 It looks like a UFO. What's it called again? 0.99

00:15:19.000 Stem.

00:15:20.000 Stem player, right?

00:15:21.000 It's called a stem player.

00:15:22.000 And you can mix music on the fly with it. 0.99

00:15:26.000 Holy shit. 0.96

00:15:26.000 And he released his new album only available on this music player. 0.96

00:15:30.000 What a brilliant idea.

00:15:32.000 Brilliant.

00:15:32.000 And he sold like two million copies of it immediately.

00:15:35.000 So it's like what he's doing with this is, first of all, he's cutting everybody out, all the parasites that suck money out of them, cut them out, and he creates his own platform. 0.97

00:15:48.000 For the music. 0.98

00:15:49.000 He doesn't just create his own music.

00:15:51.000 He creates his own platform for the music to be delivered to people.

00:15:54.000 And he's so big that people are like, we're in.

00:15:57.000 That is a brilliant idea.

00:16:00.000 Brilliant.

00:16:00.000 He's a brilliant guy.

00:16:02.000 There's no doubt about it. 1.00

00:16:02.000 He's crazy as fuck. 1.00

00:16:03.000 But in the best way possible. 1.00

00:16:05.000 In the most creative way possible. 1.00

00:16:07.000 He makes fucking... 0.98

00:16:09.000 I'll show you something, but we can't show it on the podcast. 0.99

00:16:12.000 Because we'll get in trouble.

00:16:14.000 Because people get mad at us.

00:16:16.000 But...

00:16:16.000 This is something that he posted on Instagram and they took it down when he was going back and forth with Pete Davidson because Pete Davidson is banging his lady.

00:16:32.000 Which is so crazy.

00:16:34.000 It's kind of funny.

00:16:35.000 I love it.

00:16:35.000 It is kind of funny.

00:16:36.000 I love it so much.

00:16:38.000 Where is it? 0.99

00:16:38.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:16:40.000 I hate, like, lulls while I search. 0.99

00:16:43.000 But unfortunately, that's unavoidable right now.

00:16:46.000 But this, um...

00:16:47.000 That thing is crazy too, right?

00:16:50.000 Like, here you got...

00:16:52.000 I mean, Pete has got...

00:16:54.000 The hottest...

00:16:56.000 It's crazy.

00:16:58.000 Is it...

00:17:06.000 So he posts that about Pete Davidson, but here's the best part.

00:17:11.000 Underneath it, last one for tonight, maybe.

00:17:16.000 Maybe.

00:17:17.000 Maybe.

00:17:19.000 Last one for tonight, maybe.

00:17:21.000 Meanwhile, that's the biggest lie on earth, from what I've heard.

00:17:26.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:27.000 Biggest lie on earth.

00:17:28.000 About the meme, yeah.

00:17:29.000 No, about that fact.

00:17:30.000 Exactly.

00:17:31.000 About Pete.

00:17:31.000 About him, yeah, exactly.

00:17:33.000 The meme that he wrote.

00:17:34.000 Yeah.

00:17:35.000 Yeah, the kids hung a good horse. 1.00

00:17:36.000 Hung like a fucking horse from a first... 1.00

00:17:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:40.000 Kid slinging dick. 1.00

00:17:41.000 Slinging. 1.00

00:17:42.000 Slinging. 0.83

00:17:43.000 Slaying. 1.00

00:17:43.000 Whatever the fuck you want to say. 1.00

00:17:45.000 Slinging dick and slaying. 1.00

00:17:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:47.000 Both.

00:17:47.000 He's out there.

00:17:48.000 Yep.

00:17:48.000 Yeah.

00:17:49.000 Kind of amazing.

00:17:50.000 I mean...

00:17:51.000 I mean...

00:17:51.000 Just the general numbers the kids put down.

00:17:53.000 Beyond.

00:17:54.000 Yeah, like famous people, too.

00:17:55.000 Mm-hmm.

00:17:56.000 He's lovable.

00:17:58.000 Mm-hmm.

00:17:58.000 In some strange way.

00:18:01.000 I love Pete.

00:18:03.000 I've known him since he was a teenager.

00:18:05.000 He's amazing.

00:18:06.000 He branded Kim's name on him.

00:18:08.000 He did?

00:18:09.000 Branded.

00:18:10.000 Where?

00:18:10.000 Like Yellowstone.

00:18:11.000 You ever watch that show of Yellowstone?

00:18:13.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:18:17.000 Where did he brand her name on him?

00:18:19.000 I don't know, because he tattooed her name on him several times.

00:18:23.000 What?

00:18:23.000 And then she was like, well, you could always get rid of a tattoo.

00:18:26.000 And he's like, hold my beer.

00:18:29.000 This is unreal.

00:18:30.000 Good for you, Pete.

00:18:31.000 Does that sound good for you? 0.99

00:18:32.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

00:18:34.000 At this point, who cares? 0.99

00:18:35.000 I'm waiting for the trial.

00:18:36.000 I want to see the Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian trial.

00:18:40.000 I wonder where he branded... 1.00

00:18:41.000 I hope it's on his asshole. 1.00

00:18:43.000 On the asshole itself? 1.00

00:18:45.000 Yeah, why not? 0.99

00:18:45.000 That could get infected. 0.99

00:18:47.000 That's not good.

00:18:48.000 You can't cover it up.

00:18:49.000 Poop's got to come out.

00:18:51.000 Unless you fasted for a couple of days before the brand, so you cleaned out the pipes.

00:18:57.000 I don't know.

00:18:57.000 You just made me think of food for some reason.

00:19:00.000 You have an amazing vending machine here.

00:19:02.000 It's not bad, right? 0.99

00:19:04.000 I was just talking about branding assholes, and I thought of your vending machine. 0.99

00:19:08.000 It's good. 0.99

00:19:09.000 It's healthy stuff.

00:19:09.000 I just got 700 things from It's Empty.

00:19:12.000 I'm Jewish.

00:19:13.000 That's okay.

00:19:13.000 I literally pressed every button on it.

00:19:15.000 My bag is full.

00:19:16.000 We can have cases sent to you.

00:19:17.000 I'll have cases of stuff sent to you.

00:19:19.000 You don't have to steal.

00:19:20.000 I want everyone to know, has anyone talked about your vending machine?

00:19:23.000 I don't think so.

00:19:24.000 I think your people here were like, oh boy, I took a lot out of it.

00:19:30.000 Did you eat the protein bites?

00:19:31.000 Yes!

00:19:32.000 The coconut ones with dark chocolate?

00:19:33.000 I took that one.

00:19:34.000 Those are good. 0.99

00:19:35.000 He has this vending machine with all this healthy shit in it, but it's really good, and you can press whatever you want. 0.98

00:19:41.000 You don't have to put money in it. 0.99

00:19:43.000 I love free shit, so I pressed it. 0.99

00:19:47.000 Good for you. 1.00

00:19:48.000 It's great.

00:19:49.000 You should try the alpha brain stuff.

00:19:50.000 Try that stuff.

00:19:51.000 I did.

00:19:51.000 I got the...

00:19:52.000 What do you think?

00:19:53.000 Have you tried it before, though?

00:19:53.000 Never tried it.

00:19:54.000 I got the memory thing, the immune booster.

00:19:57.000 Have you ever used any kind of nootropics?

00:20:00.000 No.

00:20:00.000 Nootropics are?

00:20:01.000 No.

00:20:01.000 There are supplements that increase memory and brain function.

00:20:05.000 I got them.

00:20:06.000 I mean, I'm going to try all of them.

00:20:08.000 It's real.

00:20:08.000 There's a bunch, not only the stuff that we sell, that Onnit sells, but there's other stuff that I love, like that stuff on the table over there is NeuroGum.

00:20:15.000 That stuff's fantastic.

00:20:16.000 What's that?

00:20:17.000 What does that do?

00:20:18.000 Gum.

00:20:18.000 I have no affiliation with these people.

00:20:20.000 Although I do think they bought ads, but I don't think we ever did them.

00:20:23.000 Did we ever do a NeuroGum ad?

00:20:26.000 Maybe one.

00:20:28.000 The gum itself is good gum.

00:20:31.000 It's tasty.

00:20:31.000 They have cinnamon and mint.

00:20:33.000 But what it does is it has caffeine, it has theanine in it, and some other stuff.

00:20:38.000 And it essentially enhances brain function.

00:20:41.000 Oh, that's great.

00:20:42.000 I need that.

00:20:43.000 I'm brain dead.

00:20:44.000 You seem very elucid.

00:20:46.000 I'm very, I can focus when I'm in a conversation, but I'm really, my brain is real.

00:20:51.000 I've done a lot of drugs in my life, Joe.

00:20:53.000 When did you stop?

00:20:55.000 At this point, like a year and seven months ago.

00:20:59.000 Nothing now.

00:21:00.000 Nothing.

00:21:00.000 No coffee?

00:21:01.000 I can't.

00:21:01.000 No cigarettes?

00:21:01.000 Oh, no, I do coffee.

00:21:03.000 Oh, that's right.

00:21:03.000 Ton of coffee.

00:21:05.000 No cigarettes?

00:21:05.000 No.

00:21:06.000 I can't do a little bit of drugs.

00:21:09.000 I have an animal.

00:21:10.000 Did you ever smoke cigarettes?

00:21:11.000 Yes.

00:21:12.000 You did?

00:21:12.000 A lot.

00:21:13.000 What was harder to kick?

00:21:14.000 Drugs or cigarettes? 0.99

00:21:15.000 Cigarettes was fucking hard. 0.99

00:21:17.000 Really? 0.99

00:21:19.000 It was very hard for me to stop smoking cigarettes when I stopped.

00:21:23.000 I sobbed.

00:21:24.000 It's an oral thing.

00:21:26.000 It was such a habit.

00:21:29.000 But I'd say quitting drugs was really tough.

00:21:35.000 But it's not like I quit once and stopped.

00:21:38.000 I've relapsed at certain points.

00:21:40.000 What was your favorite drug?

00:21:44.000 Uh, I'd say, I mean, pot was always a big one, but pills mostly.

00:21:47.000 I mean, I've always, like, loved pills.

00:21:50.000 Like what kinds?

00:21:51.000 I mean, uh, painkillers, uh, I loved Ambien.

00:21:56.000 I know that might sound crazy to people, but I love, I love being knocked out, and I love, like, cooking a whole meal and not remembering it the next day.

00:22:05.000 I had a bit about it in my eye because it really did happen to Kevin James.

00:22:08.000 Kevin James went to the store.

00:22:10.000 I think he got a turkey, something crazy like that, and cooked it and forgot everything and woke up in the morning and called the police. 0.99

00:22:17.000 And he's like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:22:20.000 Somebody came into my house and cooked food. 0.99

00:22:22.000 I would be on the road and go to the vending machine and wake up the wrong way on the bed with wrappers all over me and chocolate over me. 1.00

00:22:29.000 I'm like, did I go down on someone's ass with shit all over my face? 1.00

00:22:32.000 I was like, what the fuck happened? 1.00

00:22:36.000 Did I go down on Amber Heard? 1.00

00:22:38.000 It was insane.

00:22:40.000 I just love blacking out.

00:22:41.000 So I was up to taking tons of pills a night of Ambien and then smoking tons of pot.

00:22:47.000 And I have kids.

00:22:48.000 I can't do that at this age.

00:22:50.000 I can't be taking tons of Ambien and Xanax.

00:22:54.000 When you would take that stuff, if you take Ambien, did you feel rested the next day?

00:23:00.000 No.

00:23:01.000 I felt like I was run over by a truck.

00:23:05.000 And you still took it again?

00:23:07.000 Oh, yeah!

00:23:10.000 I couldn't wait.

00:23:12.000 I'd be counting down the hours till I could take it again.

00:23:14.000 Really?

00:23:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:15.000 I wanted to die.

00:23:17.000 It's a slow suicide. 0.79

00:23:18.000 It's like wanting to pass out.

00:23:20.000 I wanted to knock myself out.

00:23:23.000 So when you take it, how long do you take it before you knock out?

00:23:26.000 Like, before you pass out?

00:23:28.000 An hour or so?

00:23:29.000 I would kind of milk it.

00:23:30.000 I'd want to stay up to feel that, like, you know, just my eyes.

00:23:35.000 Really?

00:23:35.000 You like that?

00:23:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:37.000 I love feeling whacked out of my mind.

00:23:46.000 Why is that?

00:23:47.000 I love being really...

00:23:48.000 Because my brain doesn't stop. 0.95

00:23:50.000 I'm a nuts. 1.00

00:23:51.000 My brain... 0.99

00:23:52.000 So I love just knocking myself out.

00:23:56.000 And I would have a vape pen of pot. 0.97

00:23:58.000 So I would take that and then I would just suck on that for as long as I could until I pass out.

00:24:05.000 Like, I would never take a hit or two. 1.00

00:24:06.000 I would suck on it. 1.00

00:24:08.000 Like a fucking nipple. 1.00

00:24:09.000 Like... 1.00

00:24:15.000 And then I would take Zanac.

00:24:17.000 I would just...

00:24:18.000 I'm an animal.

00:24:19.000 I'm an animal.

00:24:20.000 You just keep going.

00:24:20.000 Yeah, there was no like a little bit and just get a little hot.

00:24:23.000 I would want to knock myself out.

00:24:26.000 Go hard or go home.

00:24:27.000 Yeah, so then like I would just wake up and there'd be like chips on me and like a pill on the floor.

00:24:33.000 The TV blasting.

00:24:36.000 And my kid would just be staring like, Mama, time to get up!

00:24:39.000 Oh no!

00:24:40.000 It's crazy!

00:24:41.000 Oh my god.

00:24:42.000 I'm like, okay.

00:24:44.000 Just to sleep.

00:24:45.000 And that was because COVID really freaked me out.

00:24:47.000 And it's just like, I can't, it's not gonna work.

00:24:51.000 Oh, so you went double hard with COVID? Yeah, because I'm like, I had a whole week of, you know, my special had just come out, my Bill Burt, you know, Comedy Central special.

00:24:59.000 I just did a Tonight Show for the third time. 0.96

00:25:01.000 My career was exploding and then fucking COVID. And I'm like, oh, no, this is not, I can't be home right now. 0.88

00:25:07.000 I've been on the road for 23 years now.

00:25:09.000 All my work is canceled for a year and I'm home.

00:25:12.000 I lost it.

00:25:14.000 I'm like, I have to do drugs again.

00:25:16.000 I was like...

00:25:18.000 I'm done.

00:25:19.000 I'm not okay.

00:25:20.000 Like, I'm not going to be okay.

00:25:21.000 So I just was like, I can smoke a little pot.

00:25:23.000 And then that was it.

00:25:24.000 How long had you been sober before that?

00:25:26.000 I mean, I've had years, eight years, six years.

00:25:29.000 But, you know, when I stopped working on myself, I would start just smoking pot, and then I'd start taking pills.

00:25:35.000 But I haven't had a drink in 22 years.

00:25:38.000 22 and a half years.

00:25:39.000 That's the one that you felt like was the most toxic.

00:25:41.000 I want to keep away from that.

00:25:42.000 Yeah.

00:25:43.000 Well, no, I never loved...

00:25:46.000 Alcohol.

00:25:47.000 But when I drank, I would get cocked out of my mind.

00:25:51.000 I kind of wish I knew you then.

00:25:54.000 Everyone says that.

00:25:59.000 I think it would have been fun for you and I to get blasted one night.

00:26:03.000 I know, but you know what?

00:26:05.000 When I go out with people, every comic says this, they're like, you feel like you're more wasted than everyone in the room.

00:26:11.000 I act like I'm wasted constantly. 0.99

00:26:14.000 Well, you're silly. 1.00

00:26:14.000 Yeah, I'm so silly. 1.00

00:26:16.000 Yeah, but that's great, though. 0.84

00:26:18.000 Yeah.

00:26:19.000 That's great, because you can maintain... 0.98

00:26:20.000 There's a lot of people that get really boring and morose and fucking weird, depressed after they stop. 0.99

00:26:26.000 Oh, I know. 0.99

00:26:27.000 I'm not like that at all. 0.97

00:26:28.000 I'm so silly. 0.91

00:26:30.000 At the Moon Tower industry party the other night, I fell over. 0.89

00:26:37.000 It's on my Instagram page.

00:26:38.000 I saw that.

00:26:39.000 I fall into things all the time.

00:26:43.000 I crash into tables and chairs at uptight parties.

00:26:47.000 I'm out of my mind. 1.00

00:26:47.000 I'm like a fucking four-year-old. 1.00

00:26:49.000 How come every industry party has to have a large placard? 1.00

00:26:53.000 There has to be some wall with logos on it.

00:26:56.000 No one even takes pictures in front of them.

00:26:59.000 But I don't understand.

00:27:02.000 You can't just have a party.

00:27:03.000 You have to have that wall, right? 1.00

00:27:04.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:27:06.000 No one even addressed it. 1.00

00:27:08.000 Well, some people do, I guess.

00:27:10.000 I hate everyone so much.

00:27:14.000 But what a weird thing that people have, like that one big wall where someone's supposed to stand in front of and take photos.

00:27:21.000 I know.

00:27:22.000 I mean, it's the world's ending.

00:27:26.000 That's the only time it exists.

00:27:28.000 That kind of thing.

00:27:29.000 They got so mad at me too, the people that put it up.

00:27:32.000 For falling?

00:27:33.000 Well, I did it on purpose.

00:27:35.000 Oh, you did?

00:27:35.000 Of course!

00:27:36.000 I grabbed onto it and dragged it off.

00:27:40.000 You did it on purpose?

00:27:42.000 Of course.

00:27:42.000 Joe, I do it at every party.

00:27:44.000 Watch how I grab it.

00:27:45.000 Look.

00:27:46.000 Look.

00:27:50.000 They got mad at you?

00:27:51.000 Yeah, they're like, that's really not funny that you grabbed that.

00:27:55.000 Who said that?

00:27:55.000 That guy right there?

00:27:56.000 Yeah, I'm like, I'm okay.

00:27:57.000 I'm okay.

00:27:58.000 It's okay.

00:27:59.000 It's okay.

00:27:59.000 This is what I do.

00:28:00.000 But all the comics died laughing because they all are used to it.

00:28:03.000 The Comedy Cellar.

00:28:05.000 I do it at the Comedy Cellar all the time.

00:28:07.000 And the booker, Esty, is like, why do you have to do that?

00:28:10.000 You know Esty.

00:28:11.000 She goes, you have to crash into furniture here.

00:28:14.000 It's not funny.

00:28:14.000 You're going to break the table because I do it all the time.

00:28:19.000 But whenever a guy has to come up to a comic and say, especially a funny comic, and go, that's actually not funny.

00:28:25.000 Don't do that.

00:28:26.000 Yeah.

00:28:26.000 Oh, it's not funny to you?

00:28:27.000 Oh, no.

00:28:28.000 Because you like your placard?

00:28:29.000 Yeah.

00:28:29.000 You like this big fake wall that you put up with logos all over it?

00:28:32.000 Is that like where you get to fucking draw your line in the sand? 0.99

00:28:35.000 Well, that makes me want to burn the whole party down. 1.00

00:28:37.000 Like, I want to just take a torch and burn the whole fucking party down when someone tries to, you know, censor me or shame me. 0.99

00:28:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:28:44.000 You didn't even break it. 0.99

00:28:46.000 No.

00:28:46.000 You're pretty gentle.

00:28:47.000 I know how to do it because I do it all the time.

00:28:52.000 Everyone's like, how do you not get hurt?

00:28:53.000 I'm like, because I do it all the time.

00:28:55.000 I love when people get annoyed.

00:28:57.000 It makes me want to do it more.

00:28:58.000 I'm like a four-year-old.

00:29:01.000 I'm glad you're sober.

00:29:03.000 I hope you stay sober, but I wish I knew you when you were partying.

00:29:06.000 I'll just relapse so that you're happy.

00:29:08.000 Just a little bit.

00:29:09.000 Just relapse a little bit.

00:29:11.000 We'll have rehab on standby.

00:29:13.000 I'll go to your house and not tell anyone, and I'll just relapse with you a little bit.

00:29:18.000 No problem.

00:29:20.000 Just a little bit.

00:29:21.000 You know, the falling down thing, I have this theory about Chevy Chase.

00:29:26.000 Yeah.

00:29:27.000 Because everybody hates Chevy Chase. 1.00

00:29:28.000 He's supposed to be an asshole. 1.00

00:29:29.000 I know. 1.00

00:29:30.000 I hear that a lot.

00:29:31.000 I think he's in pain all the time.

00:29:33.000 Really?

00:29:33.000 Yeah.

00:29:34.000 Yeah, I do.

00:29:35.000 And I think he probably gave himself brain damage.

00:29:37.000 If you watch all of those old SNLs and you watch all the Fletch movies, how many times did that guy fall down?

00:29:45.000 Like all those pratfalls?

00:29:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:47.000 Those are bad.

00:29:48.000 Like some of them are really bad.

00:29:50.000 Look at him.

00:29:52.000 Like... 0.98

00:29:54.000 No bullshit. 0.93

00:29:55.000 You're right. 0.78

00:29:56.000 The guy fell constantly.

00:29:58.000 Look, I mean, there's a whole thing.

00:30:00.000 Dude, let me tell you something.

00:30:02.000 If you do this over and over and over again, you're going to get hurt.

00:30:06.000 There's no doubt about it.

00:30:07.000 You know, you're right.

00:30:09.000 And he's not like an athlete, right?

00:30:12.000 So he's falling.

00:30:13.000 He's just trying to make it the most spectacular fall.

00:30:16.000 Look how he's falling. 1.00

00:30:17.000 Look how he fell off the fucking stairs like that. 1.00

00:30:19.000 Watch this. 1.00

00:30:20.000 That is bad. 0.99

00:30:22.000 Dude, this happened fucking hundreds of times. 0.99

00:30:26.000 He did this on stage, on television, in movies. 0.99

00:30:30.000 I mean, he's not faking these falls. 0.98

00:30:33.000 I mean, he's trying to protect himself a little bit from falling down, but he's fucking falling, and he's falling a lot. 0.96

00:30:41.000 And so when you do this, and you do this dozens of times, A hundred times. 0.95

00:30:47.000 Who knows?

00:30:47.000 I guarantee you he got injured.

00:30:49.000 I guarantee you his back's fucked up and most likely his head's fucked up. 0.99

00:30:53.000 You know, you're not lying at all because when you're like that, like me, you're going to do whatever you have to do to get a laugh and to get attention because I'm filled with self-hatred and I need everyone to like me. 0.99

00:31:05.000 I'm sure he is too.

00:31:06.000 Right.

00:31:07.000 So you're going to do whatever you have to...

00:31:09.000 I mean, like, I don't care if I get hurt.

00:31:11.000 I'm going to do it.

00:31:12.000 I'm going to go full force on it to get a laugh.

00:31:15.000 Well, the thing is, if you fake fall and it looks fake...

00:31:21.000 No one laughs.

00:31:22.000 Of course!

00:31:22.000 You gotta go hard.

00:31:23.000 Yeah.

00:31:24.000 You have to slam your head into the ground if you have to to get the laugh.

00:31:27.000 He's going face first off the side of stairs just because it's gonna be funnier that way.

00:31:31.000 Yeah.

00:31:31.000 Did you know Chris Farley?

00:31:33.000 I did not know.

00:31:34.000 I met him once.

00:31:35.000 He came to a set of news radio when we were filming and he looked gray like cardboard.

00:31:41.000 Really?

00:31:41.000 I'll never forget it.

00:31:42.000 I'll never forget it. 0.99

00:31:43.000 He sweat like a thin oily sheen of sweat on his face and his skin was gray and I was like holy fuck. 0.99

00:31:51.000 He was partying with Andy. 1.00

00:31:52.000 Oh my god.

00:31:54.000 And he came to the set.

00:31:55.000 I was like, Jesus Christ.

00:31:57.000 He was, to me, one of the funniest.

00:31:59.000 I laughed so hard at him, I couldn't.

00:32:01.000 Oh, his pratfalls were insane.

00:32:03.000 His energy level was insane.

00:32:05.000 I mean, you go back and watch those movies like Tommy Boy. 0.99

00:32:09.000 He fucking went for it. 0.98

00:32:12.000 You want to talk about a guy who went for it. 1.00

00:32:14.000 Right.

00:32:14.000 That's why he was so fun.

00:32:15.000 John Belushi.

00:32:16.000 Yeah.

00:32:16.000 I mean, these people were fearless.

00:32:18.000 Fearless.

00:32:20.000 But that's my theory about Chevy Chase.

00:32:21.000 And I think it's real.

00:32:23.000 I think Chevy Chase got hurt a lot.

00:32:25.000 And I think when you get hurt like that, you're probably constantly in pain.

00:32:29.000 And the other thing is like the amount of times he fell and hit his head.

00:32:35.000 It's not a small number.

00:32:37.000 It's probably in the hundreds.

00:32:38.000 Like when you fall and hit your head like that, that's how, you know, people don't realize this, but a lot of soccer players have traumatic brain injury from heading the ball.

00:32:48.000 People who ride jet skis too much get traumatic brain injuries just from the bouncing. 0.99

00:32:55.000 That throttles your fucking brain, rattles your brain. 1.00

00:32:59.000 I guarantee you he's rattling his brain. 1.00

00:33:01.000 He's falling down over and over again.

00:33:02.000 The guy's probably got brain damage. 1.00

00:33:04.000 Like he's probably all fucked up because you keep hearing about Chevy Chase yelling at people and saying fucked up things. 1.00

00:33:08.000 I've heard horrible things about Chevy Chase. 1.00

00:33:11.000 But I think that's probably what it is.

00:33:12.000 I'm not exonerating him from responsibility.

00:33:15.000 I'm not excusing him. 0.99

00:33:17.000 But I guarantee you one of the reasons he's so fucked up is all those faults. 1.00

00:33:21.000 What's that new shit about Bill Murray? 1.00

00:33:23.000 Did he just hit on someone or something? 1.00

00:33:25.000 I do not know what he did.

00:33:26.000 I don't either. 0.78

00:33:27.000 I saw the thing that they shut down production and the fucked up thing is it's like Aziz's movie. 0.88

00:33:31.000 I know. 0.94

00:33:33.000 So Aziz is like, yikes!

00:33:34.000 Shut the movie down! 0.98

00:33:36.000 I mean, Aziz went down for a consensual sexual encounter with a girl who felt like he was too pushy. 0.97

00:33:43.000 Right. 0.77

00:33:44.000 It was something about...

00:33:45.000 Wasn't it about eating someone?

00:33:46.000 I love saying that.

00:33:47.000 He ate her out.

00:33:47.000 She blew him.

00:33:48.000 He wanted to keep going.

00:33:49.000 You know how old of a term that is?

00:33:51.000 I love saying eating out because that's from when I was younger.

00:33:54.000 Is there a new term?

00:33:54.000 Did you eat her out?

00:33:55.000 Yeah, going down on.

00:33:57.000 Isn't it like...

00:33:57.000 Going down's been forever.

00:33:58.000 I love going to third.

00:34:00.000 Third now is...

00:34:01.000 Third is fingering.

00:34:02.000 Isn't it?

00:34:03.000 You don't go third with your face.

00:34:04.000 No, I think...

00:34:05.000 You slide in face first?

00:34:07.000 No, wait a second.

00:34:08.000 People are going to talk about this from the podcast. 0.88

00:34:10.000 Second is breasts. 1.00

00:34:11.000 Yeah, third is... 0.99

00:34:12.000 First is making out.

00:34:13.000 Third is eating out. 1.00

00:34:14.000 No, you're a dirty person. 1.00

00:34:16.000 You're doing horrible things. 1.00

00:34:18.000 Wait a second.

00:34:18.000 This is going to be amazing.

00:34:20.000 Wait, a home run is sex. 0.98

00:34:22.000 Yes. 0.78

00:34:23.000 So isn't third eating out?

00:34:26.000 Well, if you ask Bill Clinton...

00:34:28.000 Who cares what he thinks? 0.99

00:34:30.000 Well, I did not have sexual relations with that girl, but it was sex because she blew him, remember? 0.99

00:34:34.000 Like everybody said, that was sex. 0.99

00:34:36.000 Right.

00:34:36.000 That's not sex.

00:34:37.000 So it's oral sex. 1.00

00:34:38.000 No. 1.00

00:34:38.000 But it's oral sex. 1.00

00:34:39.000 Right, so third is eating out. 1.00

00:34:41.000 I think that's sex. 0.97

00:34:43.000 Eating out! 1.00

00:34:43.000 I think eating someone's pussy counts as sex. 1.00

00:34:48.000 No, not to me. 1.00

00:34:49.000 Wow.

00:34:50.000 So you can just do that forever?

00:34:51.000 You're always good?

00:34:52.000 Get to third?

00:34:53.000 I think so.

00:34:54.000 And you're a virgin.

00:34:55.000 Yes.

00:34:56.000 Yes. 1.00

00:34:57.000 Sex, a penis in a vagina is home base. 1.00

00:35:01.000 Okay. 1.00

00:35:02.000 I can see it if you're playing it that way.

00:35:04.000 What do you think? 0.99

00:35:05.000 Third base has always been like touching genitals. 0.99

00:35:08.000 Okay. 0.99

00:35:09.000 Right?

00:35:09.000 Glamour Magazine agrees.

00:35:10.000 Thank you, Glamour Magazine.

00:35:11.000 It's the one thing we agree on.

00:35:19.000 Fingered somebody. 1.00

00:35:20.000 Grabbing dicks. 0.99

00:35:21.000 That's third base. 1.00

00:35:22.000 Okay, so now first base is like anal. 0.99

00:35:27.000 Apparently there was a study where they said that a lot of teenage kids, because of porn, there's a high percentage of teenage kids that are doing anal. 1.00

00:35:34.000 My thought was, what kind of fucking scientist are you? 1.00

00:35:38.000 Imagine those scientists that are engaging in that study. 1.00

00:35:41.000 Like, what do you want to study?

00:35:43.000 Do you want to study frogs being affected by climate change?

00:35:47.000 You know, the carbon in the atmosphere?

00:35:49.000 No, no, no. 0.99

00:35:49.000 How about kids butt-fucking? 0.99

00:35:51.000 How many kids are butt-fucking? 1.00

00:35:52.000 Is it more than before? 0.99

00:35:57.000 Like, you got charts and graphs. 0.98

00:35:59.000 This is when the butt-fucking really kicked in. 0.98

00:36:02.000 Somewhere around 2007. That was when smartphones came available. 0.98

00:36:06.000 Butt-fucking escalated. 0.98

00:36:09.000 I know. 0.99

00:36:10.000 It's a lot to think about when you have a teen.

00:36:12.000 When you have a daughter.

00:36:13.000 I mean, I do too.

00:36:14.000 I don't really want to think about it.

00:36:16.000 Yeah, tell them not to do that.

00:36:17.000 It's not worth it.

00:36:19.000 No, it's not.

00:36:20.000 Unless you go slow.

00:36:21.000 What were you going to say?

00:36:23.000 Hey! 0.99

00:36:25.000 Yeah.

00:36:26.000 I don't know.

00:36:27.000 You could have a fecal delivery, unfortunately. 0.96

00:36:31.000 I want to know if that's true about the ex-lax, because I'm pretty sure they cut cocaine with laxatives.

00:36:38.000 Let's make sure that's true, because I'm a non-cocaine user.

00:36:41.000 That's an evil thing to do.

00:36:42.000 I'm just saying, anyone listening to this that has done or does cocaine, it is a laxative.

00:36:49.000 Let me say this.

00:36:50.000 It's fairly evil, but it's better than fentanyl.

00:36:54.000 Don't cut it with fentanyl.

00:36:55.000 That's killing people.

00:36:57.000 Please don't cut it with fentanyl.

00:36:59.000 Let me do that.

00:37:00.000 Interesting.

00:37:01.000 This is American Addiction Centers.

00:37:04.000 Common cocaine additives.

00:37:06.000 Common cocaine additives include laundry detergent, laxatives, laxatives in there, caffeine, boric acid, local anesthetics like procaine, and creatine.

00:37:18.000 These all come in a white powder form that's visually indistinguishable from the standard form of street cocaine.

00:37:23.000 They're not particularly dangerous, but also not something that you generally want in your body.

00:37:26.000 Small particles in laundry detergent can build up in arteries and cause dangerous blockages in heart, brain, and liver.

00:37:32.000 So the only problem in that list is laundry detergent, apparently, because they singled laundry detergent out. 0.97

00:37:36.000 They don't give a fuck about you causing a fecal delivery. 1.00

00:37:41.000 What is boric acid? 0.98

00:37:43.000 I think it's also laundry detergent, a form of it.

00:37:47.000 Really?

00:37:49.000 Oh, really?

00:37:50.000 Roach powder.

00:37:51.000 Oh my god.

00:37:52.000 Oh my god, it's roach powder.

00:37:54.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:37:56.000 Oh, so it's a fucking... 0.99

00:37:58.000 Okay. 0.99

00:37:59.000 Boric acid is a weakly acidic hydrate of boric oxide with mild antiseptic, antifungal, and antiviral properties.

00:38:07.000 The exact mechanism of action of boric acid is unknown.

00:38:11.000 Generally cytotoxic to all cells.

00:38:14.000 It's used in the treatment of yeast infections and cold sores.

00:38:17.000 Well, that's good.

00:38:17.000 You won't get a yeast infection.

00:38:19.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:38:19.000 Like, while you're doing cocaine.

00:38:20.000 Because that's a pain in the fucking crotch. 1.00

00:38:23.000 I'm sure. 1.00

00:38:23.000 That's annoying. 1.00

00:38:25.000 Dudes can get those too, right? 0.86

00:38:26.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:38:27.000 It's great if you can do coke and not get itchy.

00:38:30.000 Maybe that's it.

00:38:31.000 That and cranberry juice.

00:38:33.000 All together.

00:38:34.000 Just clear it all out.

00:38:36.000 Yeah, I'd rather that than get diarrhea.

00:38:39.000 Really?

00:38:39.000 Of course!

00:38:40.000 I mean, meaning I'd rather not get a yeast infection than get diarrhea.

00:38:44.000 So what would be better?

00:38:45.000 A yeast infection or diarrhea?

00:38:48.000 Diarrhea.

00:38:48.000 A yeast infection is horrific.

00:38:50.000 You want to take a rake to your pussy. 1.00

00:38:52.000 Really? 1.00

00:38:53.000 It's horrible. 1.00

00:38:54.000 A rake to your pussy? 1.00

00:38:55.000 Yes. 1.00

00:38:55.000 I'm never going to forget that. 1.00

00:38:56.000 A rake.

00:38:57.000 Not even... 1.00

00:39:02.000 That fucking metal... 1.00

00:39:04.000 That's the name of my new special. 1.00

00:39:06.000 When you say rake, you see the rake.

00:39:07.000 I see the rake. 1.00

00:39:08.000 I see a vagina. 1.00

00:39:09.000 I'm not kidding. 0.99

00:39:10.000 And I'm like, no.

00:39:11.000 That doesn't go there.

00:39:12.000 A rake.

00:39:13.000 A full-size rake.

00:39:19.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:39:20.000 I just snorted.

00:39:21.000 I'm not kidding.

00:39:22.000 A wire brush.

00:39:23.000 It's bad.

00:39:23.000 It is so...

00:39:24.000 One of those grill brushes?

00:39:25.000 Yeah, sandpaper. 1.00

00:39:27.000 Like a fucking... 1.00

00:39:28.000 A grill brush would be amazing on that. 1.00

00:39:30.000 So what do you do when it itches that bad?

00:39:32.000 You itch it.

00:39:33.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:39:34.000 Then it gets infected? 1.00

00:39:35.000 Yeah, you take a fucking raccoon claw. 1.00

00:39:37.000 You take whatever you can. 1.00

00:39:39.000 Ha ha ha ha ha!

00:39:40.000 Ha ha ha ha! 1.00

00:39:42.000 You go outside and you fucking capture a raccoon. 1.00

00:39:46.000 I see his little tiny hand. 1.00

00:39:48.000 You kill a raccoon. 1.00

00:39:50.000 You kill a raccoon and you cut off its fucking arm and you rake your fucking pussy with a raccoon. 1.00

00:39:56.000 You do whatever you have to. 1.00

00:39:57.000 It's that aggressive.

00:39:59.000 Oh, God.

00:39:59.000 It's so itchy.

00:40:01.000 It's bad.

00:40:02.000 And what do they do for it?

00:40:04.000 You get medicine.

00:40:05.000 You have to call your gyno, and there's over-the-counter, but you have to get a prescription.

00:40:10.000 It's horrible.

00:40:11.000 I haven't had one in years.

00:40:13.000 How long does it take for that to...

00:40:14.000 I mean, now they have good medication.

00:40:16.000 It could take a couple of days, but it's horrible.

00:40:19.000 So for two days, you're just itchy.

00:40:21.000 But it's so aggressive that you get the chills.

00:40:23.000 It's like, ah!

00:40:25.000 It's bad.

00:40:26.000 I know. 1.00

00:40:28.000 I have a phantom pussy right now. 1.00

00:40:30.000 I know. 1.00

00:40:30.000 I feel that you do. 1.00

00:40:32.000 I get it.

00:40:33.000 I'm trying to imagine.

00:40:35.000 It's bad.

00:40:36.000 And it can go all over.

00:40:38.000 It's just bad.

00:40:40.000 It can go everywhere, like the outside area?

00:40:42.000 Yeah.

00:40:44.000 It's weird that we have this strange relationship to bacteria, because it's vital.

00:40:50.000 You have to have bacteria, and some of it just goes rogue, some of it goes bad.

00:40:55.000 But basically, we're an ecosystem of bacteria.

00:40:59.000 Every human being, you have more bacteria cells than you have human cells in your body.

00:41:07.000 Yeah.

00:41:07.000 I mean, you have to have, like, it's, I get it.

00:41:11.000 I know we have to have it.

00:41:12.000 It's just, I don't know.

00:41:15.000 I mean, and you can get it just from having sex too much.

00:41:18.000 I mean, it's not, like, it's hard to avoid getting those.

00:41:22.000 Does a yeast infection come from an imbalance?

00:41:26.000 Does it come from an abrasion and an imbalance?

00:41:29.000 Not an abrasion, I don't think.

00:41:31.000 No?

00:41:31.000 No.

00:41:31.000 I think it's an imbalance.

00:41:32.000 Can you look that up?

00:41:33.000 I don't know.

00:41:35.000 I think it's an imbalance.

00:41:36.000 Like some sort of...

00:41:39.000 Because they know that that's one of the things they use for...

00:41:42.000 With jiu-jitsu, a lot of people get different rashes.

00:41:46.000 Oh, really?

00:41:47.000 Ringworm is one.

00:41:49.000 It's a big one.

00:41:50.000 Have you had that?

00:41:50.000 Yeah.

00:41:51.000 Yeah, I've had it.

00:41:52.000 Here it is.

00:41:53.000 What is the main cause of yeast infection?

00:41:54.000 Yeast infections are mainly caused by a yeast-like fungus named Candida or Manila.

00:42:01.000 Okay, that's the same stuff that people get in their gut.

00:42:03.000 Candida is what makes people, when people eat a lot of sugar, Candida loves sugar. 0.99

00:42:08.000 This fungus is a normal resident in your body.

00:42:11.000 Usually your body's immunity keeps this fungus under control.

00:42:15.000 It causes infection if you are sick or are taking any antibiotics.

00:42:19.000 Right.

00:42:19.000 If you take antibiotics, you can easily get one.

00:42:22.000 Right. 1.00

00:42:22.000 So you should eat yogurt and shit like that. 1.00

00:42:27.000 Look up, is candida the stuff that people have in their gut when they eat too much sugar? 1.00

00:42:34.000 It is.

00:42:35.000 Yeah, that is it, right?

00:42:36.000 So the point was that a lot of people, to combat that, they start eating a lot of healthy bacteria.

00:42:43.000 So they eat a lot of probiotics.

00:42:47.000 Like one of the things people love is acidophilus.

00:42:50.000 Acidophilus is really good, especially like the serious stuff they keep in the refrigerator.

00:42:56.000 Yogurt, things with like active yeast cultures.

00:42:59.000 I like a lot of kimchi and kombucha.

00:43:02.000 Those are my favorite probiotics.

00:43:04.000 I like that stuff too.

00:43:06.000 I like kimchi also.

00:43:09.000 But those things are good to have a good healthy gut biome.

00:43:13.000 You gotta add some probiotic to it.

00:43:16.000 Do you ever eat sugar?

00:43:18.000 Yeah.

00:43:18.000 You do?

00:43:18.000 Yeah, I do.

00:43:19.000 I just don't eat it a lot.

00:43:21.000 I love sugar.

00:43:22.000 Everybody does.

00:43:23.000 No, I know. 1.00

00:43:24.000 I just didn't know if you stay away from sugar, white flour, shit like that. 1.00

00:43:27.000 I do. 0.99

00:43:28.000 I do for the most part.

00:43:29.000 I stay away from white flour for the most part.

00:43:31.000 Me too.

00:43:32.000 But every now and then I'll have some pizza.

00:43:34.000 I'm not dogmatic about it, but most of my diet is just meat and fruit.

00:43:40.000 That's most of my diet.

00:43:42.000 A large percentage of it.

00:43:43.000 Occasionally I'll have a corn tortilla.

00:43:45.000 Occasionally I'll have a piece of pizza.

00:43:47.000 Occasionally I'll have...

00:43:48.000 Pasta or something, but I feel like the best diet for me seems to be unprocessed, natural whole foods, very lean meat.

00:44:02.000 Game meat is my favorite, but with that you have to have bacon or something.

00:44:06.000 You have to have some fats.

00:44:07.000 You need fat.

00:44:09.000 You especially need fat if you're on a lean meat diet and you're just eating salads and lean meat.

00:44:16.000 Where's your fat coming from?

00:44:18.000 Unless you put a lot of olive oil on your salad, you're going to need some kind of fats.

00:44:23.000 Do you do cheeses and stuff?

00:44:24.000 Yeah, I like cheeses.

00:44:25.000 I eat very healthy.

00:44:25.000 I mean, I've lost a shitload of weight.

00:44:27.000 Yeah, you look great.

00:44:28.000 Thank you.

00:44:28.000 How much have you lost since I first met you?

00:44:30.000 Oh my god, I mean I've lost altogether, you're not gonna believe this, but about 150 pounds.

00:44:36.000 That's incredible.

00:44:37.000 It's incredible.

00:44:38.000 I believe it.

00:44:38.000 But I eat like the way you eat, but I don't eat sugar and white flour, but I eat like brown rice or sweet potato a little bit, not a ton.

00:44:45.000 Do you know Lar Bites?

00:44:46.000 Yes. 0.99

00:44:47.000 Laura looks fucking amazing. 0.97

00:44:48.000 Yeah, I know. 0.98

00:44:49.000 And she, when I met her, she was big. 1.00

00:44:51.000 And she just decided over COVID, she's like, hey, I realize, like, fucking fat people are dying of this shit. 1.00

00:44:58.000 That's what I, yeah, me too. 1.00

00:45:00.000 Like, I'm gonna lose weight.

00:45:01.000 Yeah.

00:45:01.000 And so she got super dedicated, but she's so brave.

00:45:04.000 Like, she posts photos of herself, like, before and after and puts it on Instagram, like, shows, like, her at her worst and shows how she looks now.

00:45:13.000 You know?

00:45:13.000 Yeah.

00:45:15.000 She just wants to let everybody know, hey, I did it.

00:45:17.000 You could do it, too.

00:45:18.000 It's totally possible.

00:45:19.000 I never thought like that.

00:45:20.000 I never thought I was ever going to be lean. 0.99

00:45:23.000 She's fucking great. 0.99

00:45:24.000 She's lost so much weight. 0.99

00:45:25.000 She's super dedicated, too.

00:45:27.000 She goes on the road with me sometimes. 1.00

00:45:29.000 She's always in the fucking gym. 1.00

00:45:31.000 I get down to the gym, she's already in there. 1.00

00:45:32.000 Already fucking hoofing on the treadmill. 0.98

00:45:35.000 She puts in her time. 0.99

00:45:36.000 It's, I mean, I think, I don't think, a big part of it was because of my kids.

00:45:41.000 Like, I'm an older mom, and I'm like, I have to be okay.

00:45:44.000 I mean, I'm not going to live long if I don't get healthy.

00:45:47.000 It's not fair to them.

00:45:48.000 Right, and then you have that thought, like, oh my god, who takes care of my kids?

00:45:51.000 Exactly.

00:45:51.000 They're going to lose their mother.

00:45:53.000 Exactly.

00:45:53.000 It's real.

00:45:54.000 It's real, yeah.

00:45:55.000 Like, Tim Dillon and I just did the podcast, and it was all, we, it was really funny.

00:46:01.000 Did you see clips of it?

00:46:02.000 No, I haven't seen any of it.

00:46:03.000 Oh my God, it's hysterical.

00:46:04.000 Was it his or yours?

00:46:05.000 It was his podcast.

00:46:06.000 But there's a clip.

00:46:08.000 It's actually on my Instagram. 1.00

00:46:09.000 You should pull it up because you're going to fucking die. 0.99

00:46:12.000 We talked about the fat movement, that people are saying it's okay to be fat. 1.00

00:46:17.000 And I'm like, it was not okay.

00:46:21.000 It was not okay how fat I was.

00:46:24.000 I don't agree with the whole thing.

00:46:26.000 It was...

00:46:28.000 I should not...

00:46:29.000 This is a very short clip. 0.64

00:46:31.000 Fat activism.

00:46:32.000 Yeah, it's...

00:46:33.000 Pro-fat movement now.

00:46:35.000 It's very interesting, the fat activism.

00:46:37.000 As people who've struggled with our weight, it's interesting to see now it's gone the other way where fat people are threatening people on social media.

00:46:45.000 I've been 330 pounds and no one should have been promoting me.

00:46:50.000 I... I was disgusting and should have been shot. 1.00

00:47:01.000 I should have been hunted down and shot. 1.00

00:47:06.000 I was an animal. 1.00

00:47:10.000 I should have gotten help. 0.99

00:47:12.000 Someone should have gotten a net and fucking put me in a cage and helped me. 0.98

00:47:21.000 So... 0.98

00:47:24.000 But there's a movement now.

00:47:26.000 Well, I needed to move.

00:47:28.000 I needed a lot of movement.

00:47:30.000 Yeah.

00:47:31.000 Oh, that's great.

00:47:32.000 I mean...

00:47:33.000 I'm in a group chat and someone sent me this...

00:47:38.000 One of the people in the chat sent me this thing about Lizzo's new show.

00:47:42.000 That's what we talked about.

00:47:43.000 Oh, okay.

00:47:45.000 Because there's this transgender person on Lizzo's show, and they're all together.

00:47:52.000 They're big girls, and they're doing exercise together. 0.99

00:47:56.000 And they're like 10, 15 seconds in, they're having fucking heart attacks. 0.99

00:47:59.000 That's what we talked about. 0.99

00:48:00.000 That's exactly what we talked about.

00:48:01.000 He said, what if someone had a heart attack?

00:48:04.000 It's possible.

00:48:05.000 It's legitimately possible. 0.87

00:48:06.000 This idea that that's okay and that's good, that's as insane as drunk activists. 0.99

00:48:12.000 That's as insane as someone who's just shit-faced 24 hours a day with no concern of their liver, and everybody's like, no, you do you, boo. 0.99

00:48:21.000 It's cool to be drunk. 1.00

00:48:23.000 Well, listen, I mean, I get how hard it is.

00:48:28.000 I've had a weight problem my entire life.

00:48:31.000 I mean, I went to fat camp as a kid.

00:48:33.000 I talk about it in my act.

00:48:34.000 What do they do in fat camp?

00:48:36.000 You get more fat.

00:48:37.000 So every summer I went...

00:48:40.000 What do they do?

00:48:41.000 I first went, I was 10 pounds overweight.

00:48:44.000 The last summer I went, I was about 100 pounds overweight.

00:48:46.000 So I got fatter every summer. 0.99

00:48:48.000 They fucked you up. 1.00

00:48:49.000 100%. 1.00

00:48:49.000 So if anyone's sensitive to fat or being heavy, it's me. 1.00

00:48:55.000 But I don't, you know, I think it's a major disease.

00:48:59.000 I look at it as a disease and an addiction.

00:49:01.000 So I don't look at it like, oh, it's just I eat too much.

00:49:04.000 Like to me, it's a real addiction.

00:49:06.000 Your mind can play terrible tricks on you.

00:49:09.000 And your mind can convince you to eat when you're not hungry and just keep eating.

00:49:13.000 Right.

00:49:14.000 And it's like this, like hate eating. 0.99

00:49:16.000 Oh, I want to kill myself. 0.87

00:49:18.000 So I, I, it's to me, it was a slow suicide. 0.95

00:49:21.000 I literally hurt myself with food.

00:49:24.000 So I'm serious. 1.00

00:49:25.000 Like I fucking, I fuck my face with food. 1.00

00:49:28.000 Like I don't chew. 1.00

00:49:32.000 What was your go-to food?

00:49:34.000 I don't chew.

00:49:34.000 You don't chew?

00:49:35.000 No, I fuck my face. 1.00

00:49:37.000 Like you can't get it in there quick enough? 1.00

00:49:38.000 No, I will eat a whole sandwich if I didn't think I'd choke to death.

00:49:41.000 Like a seagull.

00:49:46.000 You ever see a seagull swallow a rat?

00:49:48.000 No.

00:49:50.000 Jamie?

00:49:51.000 I might die if I see this, but...

00:49:53.000 There's a video, I think it's in Italy, a seagull swallows a rat whole, and it's not a small rat.

00:49:58.000 Oh my god!

00:49:59.000 It just picks this thing up, throws its head back, opens up his mouth, and just choke, watch this, here it is, watch this.

00:50:06.000 Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

00:50:08.000 Oh my god! 1.00

00:50:09.000 Birds don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:50:11.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:50:12.000 Watch this again. 1.00

00:50:13.000 Look how he picks that rat up.

00:50:15.000 He just swallows the whole thing up.

00:50:17.000 He found a dead rat laying on the street, probably poisoned, and he just swallowed the whole thing.

00:50:23.000 You know, that's a real issue with raptors.

00:50:26.000 What is that one?

00:50:27.000 A starfish? 1.00

00:50:30.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:50:30.000 I saw one that said it eats a pigeonhole, too. 1.00

00:50:32.000 I didn't click on it.

00:50:32.000 Yeah, I've seen the pigeon.

00:50:33.000 But I have a question for you.

00:50:34.000 Yeah?

00:50:37.000 How does that decompose in that thing's body, in the bird's body?

00:50:44.000 Not good. 0.71

00:50:45.000 The bird's going to die if that rat's poisoned. 0.99

00:50:47.000 Wow.

00:50:47.000 Because then the poison that's in the rat is now in the bird, and it'll eventually go through its digestive tract and enter the bloodstream.

00:50:55.000 There's an issue with owls in the hills.

00:50:58.000 Because a lot of people are poisoning rats.

00:51:00.000 So they leave rat poison out.

00:51:02.000 And then the rats get picked off by the owls and the owls wind up dying of poison.

00:51:07.000 And hawks too.

00:51:10.000 Because those are the ones that keep the rats, other than the coyotes, they're the ones that keep the rat population in check. 1.00

00:51:16.000 Oh shit. 1.00

00:51:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:18.000 So when some asshole, you know, doesn't like rats near his garbage can, instead of putting traps, he'll put poison. 1.00

00:51:24.000 That poison gets into those other animals and it fucks up the ecosystem. 1.00

00:51:28.000 That's fucked up because I think most people do that, don't they? 0.99

00:51:31.000 Well, a lot of people do. 0.99

00:51:33.000 More so in the cities.

00:51:35.000 I would assume more people use poison than they do traps.

00:51:38.000 Yeah, both of them are not that effective. 0.98

00:51:41.000 Traps can be pretty effective if rats are stupid, but the problem is once a rat sees a trap and sees another rat get snapped up in the trap, that rat will never get snapped up in a trap. 0.95

00:51:53.000 And then once a rat sees... 0.99

00:51:55.000 Like, rats send other rats out to check poison.

00:51:58.000 They send smaller, younger rats out.

00:52:00.000 Really?

00:52:02.000 Yeah, it was a Netflix documentary.

00:52:03.000 Animals are amazing.

00:52:04.000 They're pretty incredible.

00:52:05.000 Well, it's evolution.

00:52:06.000 I mean, that's how you evolve and stay alive.

00:52:08.000 It's natural selection.

00:52:10.000 They've figured out that there's an issue whenever this thing shows up.

00:52:14.000 So let's send...

00:52:15.000 There seems to be some food out here. 0.99

00:52:17.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

00:52:18.000 A whole rabbit, dude. 1.00

00:52:19.000 A whole rabbit.

00:52:20.000 Wow.

00:52:22.000 Oh my god.

00:52:24.000 Is the rabbit already dead?

00:52:26.000 It seems like it is.

00:52:27.000 Take it from the beginning.

00:52:28.000 Yeah, the rabbit's already dead.

00:52:31.000 Wow.

00:52:32.000 That's pretty crazy.

00:52:33.000 Look at that.

00:52:35.000 The fact that the rabbit is like half its body size.

00:52:40.000 I've never seen anything like that.

00:52:42.000 Look at that.

00:52:42.000 Wow, it's nuts.

00:52:45.000 Jesus Christ.

00:52:46.000 I mean, I get it.

00:52:47.000 I get eating something that big and not chewing it.

00:52:51.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:52:52.000 It's like, as evil as that is, there's something evil and remorseless about a bird swallowing something whole.

00:52:59.000 It's emotionless.

00:53:01.000 Right.

00:53:01.000 There's something mechanical about it, right?

00:53:04.000 Yeah.

00:53:05.000 Snakes take that to the next level. 1.00

00:53:07.000 I know.

00:53:07.000 Snakes are the ultimate of the serpent world, of that world of lizards.

00:53:13.000 Underneath all those feathers, that's a fucking dinosaur, right? 0.99

00:53:16.000 That's a lizard. 1.00

00:53:17.000 It is.

00:53:17.000 That's what those things are.

00:53:18.000 Yeah.

00:53:19.000 You know?

00:53:19.000 In fact, they just recently found out that pterodactyls, petro...

00:53:23.000 What do they call them?

00:53:25.000 Petro...

00:53:26.000 What is it?

00:53:27.000 Petrosaur?

00:53:27.000 Yeah.

00:53:28.000 They found out they have feathers.

00:53:30.000 Really?

00:53:31.000 Yeah, they found feathers.

00:53:33.000 That are associated with petrosaurs, like fossilized feather remnants.

00:53:38.000 So now they're reasonably certain that at least some of the pterodactyls had feathers.

00:53:42.000 Because, you know, in the movies, they always had wings like a bat, right?

00:53:46.000 Right, yeah.

00:53:46.000 They don't think so anymore.

00:53:48.000 That's so interesting. 0.99

00:53:49.000 They think they were fucking birds. 1.00

00:53:51.000 They were fucking birds. 1.00

00:53:52.000 Dinosaurs are birds. 1.00

00:53:54.000 Chickens are birds.

00:53:55.000 I mean, chickens are dinosaurs, rather.

00:53:57.000 I wonder what the biggest thing a snake can eat.

00:54:00.000 Oh, they can eat things.

00:54:01.000 There's a snake that died in Florida, because Florida is basically like a meth head version of Jurassic Park. 0.77

00:54:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:08.000 The middle of Florida.

00:54:10.000 I think the number is somewhere in the high 90s.

00:54:13.000 90 plus percent of all the mammals that used to live in the Everglades are gone.

00:54:19.000 Yeah, the Everglades.

00:54:20.000 Deer population is down to almost nothing.

00:54:22.000 Rat population down to almost nothing.

00:54:25.000 Raccoons.

00:54:25.000 Because it's all been killed by snakes.

00:54:27.000 And so the snakes have killed so many.

00:54:29.000 Because there's somewhere in the neighborhood...

00:54:32.000 A high estimate is half a million.

00:54:36.000 Half a million pythons that live in the Everglades. 1.00

00:54:39.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:54:40.000 That's a high estimate. 0.99

00:54:42.000 But these things are massive.

00:54:44.000 They just found a 19-foot one there recently.

00:54:47.000 Hundreds of pounds.

00:54:48.000 And one of them they found that had a 12-foot alligator that it was trying to eat.

00:54:53.000 So as it was trying to eat the alligator, the alligator was trying to get away and the alligator broke out of its body and they both died.

00:55:00.000 My God, can you look at that?

00:55:02.000 Look at the size of that thing.

00:55:03.000 Wait, I can't even see where the snake is.

00:55:06.000 That's the snake all around it that swallowed the alligator.

00:55:09.000 So that alligator tail is poking out of a rupture in the snake's body.

00:55:12.000 I can't even believe what I'm looking at right now.

00:55:15.000 So an alligator, his tail ripped through the side of the snake and they both died.

00:55:20.000 That is sick. 1.00

00:55:21.000 But the snake swallowed a fucking alligator. 1.00

00:55:26.000 Headfirst. 1.00

00:55:26.000 I can't even believe that. 1.00

00:55:27.000 Look at that picture.

00:55:28.000 Yeah, it's insane.

00:55:29.000 I mean, they swallowed deers whole.

00:55:31.000 They swallowed people whole.

00:55:33.000 There's a bunch of videos from other... 1.00

00:55:35.000 Look at, he's eating a fucking alligator. 1.00

00:55:37.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:55:39.000 Look at that picture. 0.99

00:55:40.000 Well, there's nothing left for them to eat.

00:55:42.000 I mean, pythons are really some...

00:55:48.000 Yeah.

00:56:04.000 I know.

00:56:05.000 Right.

00:56:05.000 What are they going to eat now?

00:56:06.000 They've eaten everything.

00:56:08.000 What do you think is going to happen?

00:56:09.000 They're going to eat each other.

00:56:11.000 And then the population is probably going to get ill.

00:56:13.000 There's probably going to be some sort of sickness that runs through.

00:56:16.000 And hopefully, I mean, I don't think there's a lot of illnesses that come from reptiles, especially not snakes, that transfer over to people.

00:56:27.000 I never really heard of any.

00:56:28.000 I wonder if that's true. 0.99

00:56:30.000 Because I know there's avian flus, and then there's swine flu, and there's a bunch of them for animals, and it's usually from agriculture, for making them live in their own shit and just disgusting conditions. 0.95

00:56:40.000 That's where a lot of those crossover bugs come from. 0.98

00:56:45.000 They come from large-scale agriculture.

00:56:48.000 But I don't think that's the case with pythons.

00:56:50.000 But I think they're...

00:56:51.000 If I had to guess, they're going to starve.

00:56:53.000 And then they're going to try to make it into people's yards.

00:56:56.000 And they're going to eat a lot of dogs and cats. 0.99

00:56:58.000 They're trying to eradicate them, but there's too many.

00:57:01.000 They would literally have to drain the swamp, like Donald Trump style.

00:57:05.000 Like, they would have to actually drain the swamp.

00:57:07.000 Like, really drain the swamp. 1.00

00:57:08.000 Like, that'd be the only way you're gonna find all the fucking snakes. 1.00

00:57:11.000 And you really have to kill them all. 1.00

00:57:12.000 Because it started off with just a few. 1.00

00:57:15.000 Just a few, and now there's a half a million enormous, enormous snakes.

00:57:20.000 They're so big.

00:57:21.000 See the most recent one.

00:57:23.000 They just recently, I think it was last year, found a 19-foot long snake.

00:57:27.000 A 19-foot long python.

00:57:28.000 Do you like snakes?

00:57:29.000 No, I don't like snakes at all.

00:57:29.000 I don't either.

00:57:30.000 At all.

00:57:31.000 At all.

00:57:32.000 I hate reptiles.

00:57:33.000 I always buy belts, specifically, out of crocodile.

00:57:38.000 Look, I'm wearing one right now.

00:57:39.000 That's a crocodile belt.

00:57:40.000 I hate them.

00:57:41.000 I buy everything.

00:57:42.000 I go, can I get that in Crocodile?

00:57:44.000 Can I get an alligator? 1.00

00:57:45.000 I hate those cunts. 1.00

00:57:47.000 I hate them. 1.00

00:57:47.000 They're fucking rotten creatures. 1.00

00:57:50.000 They're just the cleanup crew. 1.00

00:57:52.000 If you've got a broken leg and you find yourself in the swamp, guess what's going to eat you alive? 1.00

00:57:57.000 That fucking alligator. 1.00

00:57:58.000 I hate them. 1.00

00:58:02.000 Snakes freak me the fuck out. 1.00

00:58:04.000 I'm on team mammal. 1.00

00:58:07.000 Fuck snakes. 1.00

00:58:09.000 Yeah, I hate them. 1.00

00:58:10.000 I love snakes, man. 1.00

00:58:12.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:58:13.000 If you love snakes, you hate your stepdad. 1.00

00:58:15.000 For sure.

00:58:17.000 What makes you say that? 1.00

00:58:19.000 Because it's like something like, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:58:21.000 All I need is my snake. 1.00

00:58:23.000 My snake understands me.

00:58:26.000 And you just can't wait to get your band of death metal and get out on the road and get out of your house.

00:58:32.000 You know?

00:58:33.000 While you're in the driveway with the van, your dad's yelling at your mom like, we gotta go, man.

00:58:38.000 Let's just go.

00:58:39.000 Did you have pets growing up?

00:58:41.000 Yes.

00:58:41.000 Like a dog?

00:58:43.000 Yeah, dogs and cats. 1.00

00:58:44.000 Yeah, I did too, but they were all treated like shit. 1.00

00:58:46.000 Aww. 1.00

00:58:47.000 No, it's okay.

00:58:48.000 We moved and my mom forgot the two outdoor cats.

00:58:51.000 Oh no.

00:58:52.000 She's like, I just didn't remember.

00:58:54.000 I forgot them.

00:58:55.000 People were different back then though.

00:58:57.000 Oh yeah, you're right. 0.99

00:58:58.000 They were just one generation removed from the fucking depression. 0.99

00:59:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:02.000 You know, their parents had to go through the Great Depression. 1.00

00:59:05.000 They were hard people, Matt.

00:59:07.000 That's true.

00:59:07.000 Oh my god, people were starving.

00:59:09.000 Oh, there's a video, go to Nugget on Instagram.

00:59:14.000 There's a video of some kids in 1901 that are looking at a camera for the first time.

00:59:22.000 It's wild.

00:59:23.000 Looking what?

00:59:23.000 Looking at a camera for the first time.

00:59:25.000 Trying to figure out while they're filming them.

00:59:26.000 So they're filming these kids with a video camera in 1901. 1901. And you're like, look at these people.

00:59:33.000 Dude, you gotta understand, this is what our grandparents went through. 1.00

00:59:37.000 These are hard fucking people. 1.00

00:59:40.000 Like, look at that kid. 1.00

00:59:42.000 These are hard people.

00:59:43.000 Look at him.

00:59:44.000 Look at him with his thumbs in his pocket.

00:59:46.000 Yeah.

00:59:47.000 He's probably thinking, can I rob this camera?

00:59:50.000 Little hooligans.

00:59:51.000 Was that kid carrying a baby?

00:59:53.000 The one in the front?

00:59:54.000 Maybe.

00:59:55.000 It seems like he's carrying a baby.

00:59:56.000 Could be his sibling.

00:59:58.000 Yeah.

00:59:58.000 Look at that kid.

01:00:01.000 It says right there, that one kid was 75 years old.

01:00:04.000 Look at that guy who wrote that.

01:00:05.000 It's true.

01:00:06.000 He does look like he's almost 75 years old.

01:00:08.000 You could see right away.

01:00:10.000 Yeah, that kid's got a baby, I think.

01:00:12.000 And people complain so much now.

01:00:16.000 These kids had nothing.

01:00:18.000 They barely survived then.

01:00:19.000 Nobody had enough food.

01:00:20.000 No one was fat then.

01:00:21.000 No one.

01:00:22.000 No one.

01:00:23.000 They're all sharing one potato.

01:00:25.000 All four of those people.

01:00:27.000 You couldn't get fat then. 1.00

01:00:28.000 There was no fucking food. 0.99

01:00:30.000 Do you know the average size of a man in the Civil War was like 130 pounds? 1.00

01:00:36.000 Really?

01:00:36.000 Yeah.

01:00:37.000 Well, yeah, of course.

01:00:37.000 That makes sense.

01:00:38.000 No food.

01:00:39.000 Nobody had any food.

01:00:41.000 God, I wish we had no food.

01:00:43.000 Let me see if that's true.

01:00:43.000 I'm joking.

01:00:44.000 What's the average weight of a man during the Civil War?

01:00:47.000 Because I have information that's in my head.

01:00:50.000 I don't know if all of it's good.

01:00:53.000 You're like, I better check this out.

01:00:55.000 Some of it's pretty good.

01:00:56.000 No, you're much more educated than I am.

01:00:58.000 I wouldn't say that.

01:01:00.000 I wouldn't say educated.

01:01:02.000 I've memorized some stuff.

01:01:06.000 What's the average weight of a man during the Civil War?

01:01:09.000 What do you think it is?

01:01:13.000 Guess.

01:01:13.000 141. I literally just said that out of my asshole.

01:01:16.000 That's a big guy back then. 1.00

01:01:18.000 I think that guy was like the fucking, the top boss. 0.95

01:01:20.000 111. You went lower. 0.99

01:01:24.000 Fuck it, 100. 92. What's up? 1.00

01:01:27.000 Average age of 26. Average height, 5'8".

01:01:31.000 Average weight, 143. Whoa!

01:01:35.000 Pretty good.

01:01:36.000 Dude, you nailed it.

01:01:37.000 What was the age?

01:01:39.000 26. 26. That's pretty old.

01:01:43.000 Yeah, there's a lot.

01:01:44.000 I mean, I've read stories now because I've done some looking back into that time period.

01:01:48.000 There were kids that were trying to go in because they didn't have anything else to do and they wanted to go fight for the family and they would just sneak in.

01:01:53.000 So there were some kids that got in under 16 and a little younger.

01:01:57.000 Now, what is the average age of a 28-year-old man now?

01:02:01.000 Average what?

01:02:02.000 Excuse me.

01:02:03.000 Average weight.

01:02:03.000 Average age of a 28-year-old man.

01:02:06.000 That's how dumb I am. 0.99

01:02:07.000 See? 0.99

01:02:07.000 Don't say I'm educated. 0.99

01:02:08.000 Stop.

01:02:09.000 By the way, that's also, the height is interesting, 5'8".

01:02:14.000 Yeah, well, I think it's a food thing.

01:02:16.000 I think it's also a food thing.

01:02:17.000 Now it's 6'4".

01:02:19.000 So the average American 20-year-old weighs 197 with a 40-inch waist and is just over 5'9".

01:02:29.000 Wow.

01:02:29.000 Only an inch bigger, 50 pounds heavier.

01:02:32.000 That is a very high weight for an average guy.

01:02:35.000 That's a 20. I don't know why.

01:02:36.000 It says, again, I mean, it says what is the average age or average size of a 28-year-old man, and then it goes to a 20-year-old for some reason.

01:02:44.000 But that's...

01:02:45.000 Well, either way, that's heavy. 0.99

01:02:47.000 Goddamn, that's heavy. 0.98

01:02:48.000 It is heavy for an average... 0.98

01:02:51.000 Well, you know why?

01:02:52.000 Because so many of them are super fat. 0.84

01:02:55.000 What's for a woman? 1.00

01:02:56.000 I'm curious what it is for a woman. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Let's guess.

01:02:58.000 3'10".

01:02:59.000 I'm joking.

01:03:03.000 5 feet.

01:03:04.000 I'd say the average woman's height is 5'6", and I'd say the average woman's weight is 140. That's light. 0.99

01:03:11.000 I'd say 5'6", and I'd say...

01:03:17.000 155. 5'4?

01:03:19.000 170.6 pounds. 1.00

01:03:22.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:03:25.000 What?! 1.00

01:03:26.000 I'm not surprised.

01:03:28.000 The average American woman, 20 years old, weighs 170 pounds? 1.00

01:03:32.000 That's a fucking welterweight! 1.00

01:03:34.000 I'm not surprised. 1.00

01:03:35.000 That's Kamaru Usman when he weighs in.

01:03:37.000 That's crazy.

01:03:39.000 I'm not surprised.

01:03:40.000 That's so big.

01:03:41.000 What's the height?

01:03:42.000 5'6?

01:03:42.000 5'4.

01:03:43.000 5'4.

01:03:44.000 Yeah, I'm 5'4.

01:03:45.000 That's so heavy.

01:03:48.000 But I'm not surprised at all.

01:03:50.000 Well, it's food.

01:03:51.000 I mean, it's the way people eat.

01:03:53.000 It's our access to food.

01:03:55.000 And by the way, when I'm eating sugar and flour, all I want is more and more and more.

01:04:02.000 I'm telling you, my body, it's a problem.

01:04:06.000 I just physically, chemically want more.

01:04:10.000 They say it's that candida. 0.59

01:04:11.000 I don't know if that's true.

01:04:12.000 I don't know what it is.

01:04:13.000 That was this thing that I was reading.

01:04:15.000 It was saying about there was a link between gut bacteria, specific types of gut bacteria, and cravings.

01:04:22.000 See if that's true.

01:04:23.000 Link between candida.

01:04:25.000 I totally remember there's a video someone made.

01:04:27.000 It was really well, like it was a cartoon.

01:04:29.000 It looked really good.

01:04:30.000 Oh, that's right, yeah.

01:04:30.000 The information sounds really good, but then at the end of it, I think they were trying to sell something, so it seemed like, well, what is this?

01:04:35.000 It seemed hokey.

01:04:37.000 But does gut bacteria, just Google, does gut bacteria influence appetite?

01:04:44.000 All I'm going to get is that candida stuff. 1.00

01:04:46.000 Whether it's true or not, I have to dig through all sorts of stuff.

01:04:49.000 Yeah, we can't do that.

01:04:50.000 I mean, it hooks you in.

01:04:51.000 It does hook you in, but also the sugar spikes lead to crashes and lead to you want to get hungry again.

01:04:57.000 It's bad.

01:04:58.000 But when I eat mostly meat, which is what I do, and fruit, I don't have horrible cravings.

01:05:03.000 Me either.

01:05:04.000 And vegetables.

01:05:05.000 I don't crave anything.

01:05:06.000 I mean, I'm fine.

01:05:08.000 I really feel okay.

01:05:09.000 Those hangry moments, those come from eating a lot of carbs for me.

01:05:13.000 Me too.

01:05:14.000 Do you eat cheese?

01:05:15.000 Yeah, I like cheese.

01:05:16.000 I love cheese.

01:05:17.000 I love blue cheese.

01:05:18.000 I love Roquefort. 1.00

01:05:19.000 I love that fucking gnarly cheese. 0.99

01:05:23.000 I understand that. 0.99

01:05:24.000 Plus, I love the fact my kids don't like it, so it's all mine.

01:05:27.000 Most kids hate it. 0.99

01:05:29.000 Yeah, they eat the fuck out of cheddar cheese. 0.96

01:05:31.000 I love cheddar.

01:05:33.000 Yeah, me too.

01:05:33.000 I love feta.

01:05:35.000 Some people don't.

01:05:36.000 I love feta cheese.

01:05:37.000 You know, the best cheese is raw cheese, if you can get some raw cheese.

01:05:41.000 I bought a house from this guy back in the day, and he was this really nice French guy.

01:05:46.000 And he wanted to have us over for dinner.

01:05:51.000 And he had this, I think it was called Rocklot, this like style of cooking.

01:05:56.000 They would like melt cheese and vegetables all together with meats.

01:06:01.000 And he only wanted raw cheese and he couldn't get it in America because everything has to be pasteurized and homogenized.

01:06:09.000 So he smuggled cheese back from France.

01:06:13.000 And I was very worried that I would get caught at the border.

01:06:19.000 That's how much he liked that cheese. 1.00

01:06:21.000 He smuggled it in his fucking suitcases. 1.00

01:06:23.000 Cheese! 1.00

01:06:24.000 Cheese! 0.99

01:06:25.000 Big ol' fuckin' giant chunks of cheese. 0.98

01:06:28.000 That sounds good, what you're describing. 0.98

01:06:30.000 It's very good.

01:06:31.000 I mean, I would be happy with cheese, meat, and vegetables.

01:06:33.000 Just that.

01:06:34.000 It was just interesting that it was raw cheese.

01:06:37.000 In his mind, it had to be a raw cheese.

01:06:39.000 That was the only kind of cheese that was cheese. 1.00

01:06:42.000 The cheese in America was bullshit. 1.00

01:06:44.000 Yeah, I mean, it's not great. 1.00

01:06:47.000 Have you ever had raw milk?

01:06:48.000 No. 0.99

01:06:49.000 It tastes fucking good. 0.99

01:06:50.000 Yeah? 0.99

01:06:51.000 Yeah.

01:06:51.000 It tastes different.

01:06:52.000 Yeah, it's like, I don't know if this is true either, but the enzymes in raw milk, apparently, because it's not pasteurized and homogenized, your body has a much easier time processing it.

01:07:04.000 Yeah, I mean, supposedly milk and cheese is not grapefruit.

01:07:07.000 Supposedly.

01:07:08.000 Yeah.

01:07:10.000 I don't know.

01:07:10.000 I think, but this guy was saying, you know, that this doctor, he was an oncologist, the French guy, and he was saying, it is because of the bestization, the modernization, it fucks up the pH.

01:07:24.000 He was just saying that, like, for people that, like, if you, it does make sense, though, that if, like, you take milk, regular milk that comes out of a cow, you It's got to have all the natural bacteria in it and the enzymes and all the things that allow a baby cow to drink it and nourish them.

01:07:45.000 If you took that stuff and you boiled the fuck out of it so everything's dead, which is what they do.

01:07:53.000 That's what they do, right?

01:07:54.000 Pasteurization is a heating process and homogenization. 0.97

01:07:58.000 The whole idea is that when you see a jug of milk that's sitting in a refrigerator for a fucking month, that's not normal. 0.96

01:08:06.000 It's supposed to go bad. 0.99

01:08:07.000 It's supposed to go bad pretty quick.

01:08:10.000 Pasteurized milk is a raw milk that has been heated to specify temperature and time to kill pathogens that may be found in raw milk.

01:08:17.000 Pathogens are microorganisms such as bacteria that make us sick.

01:08:20.000 Yeah, raw milk can contain pathogens such as E. coli, salmonella, listeria, and other bacteria.

01:08:27.000 Yeah, it can, but it also can have none.

01:08:30.000 Just like the food you eat.

01:08:31.000 Like, you know, if you eat chicken, like chicken can have bacteria.

01:08:34.000 You cook the chicken off.

01:08:36.000 You know, and that's how you don't get salmonella, and that's how you get, you know, pasteurized milk.

01:08:42.000 But at the end of the day, some stuff is probably better for you raw.

01:08:46.000 It's just you can't keep it on a shelf.

01:08:50.000 Raw milk, raw cheese, raw butter, raw cream, and raw kefir are whole gut biome superfoods.

01:08:55.000 They seed the gut with diverse beneficial bacteria while providing the enzymes, proteins, minerals, and good fats that bacteria love to eat.

01:09:04.000 Well, yeah, that's it.

01:09:07.000 It's supposed to be better, all that stuff.

01:09:09.000 It's supposed to be better, but you and I are not nutritionists.

01:09:13.000 But I do know for me, it tastes better.

01:09:14.000 I like it.

01:09:15.000 It feels better when I drink raw milk.

01:09:17.000 I rarely drink raw milk.

01:09:19.000 People were getting arrested for selling raw milk in California for a while.

01:09:24.000 Arrested?

01:09:25.000 Yeah, I don't know what was going on with that.

01:09:26.000 There was an arrest and everybody was outraged, like how absurd it was that you're arresting people for selling raw milk.

01:09:34.000 That sounds really crazy.

01:09:37.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:09:38.000 California's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:09:39.000 Well, a lot of places are crazy. 1.00

01:09:41.000 California is off the charts right now. 0.97

01:09:43.000 They're so crazy.

01:09:44.000 I know. 0.97

01:09:45.000 It's so crazy.

01:09:46.000 It's such a mess.

01:09:48.000 I know.

01:09:48.000 It's just a big homeless encampment.

01:09:50.000 It's a what?

01:09:51.000 It's a big homeless encampment.

01:09:52.000 I think they're going to abandon LA, just run out, and it's going to be filled with tents in 50 years.

01:09:57.000 When you go back to LA, you won't even be able to drive because you'll run over all the needles.

01:10:01.000 So you're just going to have to park your car outside and you wear a hazmat suit.

01:10:04.000 It's like backing up when you go through a rental car place.

01:10:06.000 Yeah, you wear like a bulletproof hazmat suit and that's going to be how you journey through LA. And you're just going to watch people kill each other and shoot heroin.

01:10:15.000 Raw milk across state lines in the United States.

01:10:18.000 Okay.

01:10:19.000 Wow.

01:10:31.000 In 2010 and two arrests in 2011, the founder of the Rawsome Co-op, James Stewart, was again arrested last Thursday by a trio of tough-looking men in street clothes driving unmarked luxury cars.

01:10:46.000 So imagine armed raids for a guy who's selling milk.

01:10:51.000 Because he's selling raw milk.

01:10:53.000 I don't know what's going on anywhere.

01:10:58.000 I mean, New York is bad, too.

01:11:00.000 I'm not talking about the homeless thing.

01:11:01.000 Yeah, it's really bad for crime.

01:11:02.000 Crime's bad?

01:11:03.000 Well, when you don't arrest people.

01:11:05.000 I know.

01:11:05.000 It's really bad.

01:11:07.000 I know.

01:11:08.000 I mean, it's gotten so crazy.

01:11:12.000 I'm the kind of person where I say it's not good.

01:11:15.000 I did it last night in Austin, where if I think someone's being bullied or things are happening, I speak out.

01:11:21.000 It's not a good thing to do, especially because I'm a woman.

01:11:23.000 I mean, I'm being honest.

01:11:24.000 I'll be like...

01:11:25.000 You know, what are you doing?

01:11:26.000 Like, I get involved.

01:11:27.000 Did you see something on the street?

01:11:28.000 Yeah, and I stick up for people.

01:11:29.000 It's not good.

01:11:30.000 I did it last night with a little guy that was riding the bike.

01:11:34.000 He was torturing this drunk guy on the street.

01:11:36.000 He kept riding into him.

01:11:38.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:11:39.000 And I stuck up for the guy.

01:11:41.000 I shouldn't get involved. 1.00

01:11:43.000 It's stupid. 1.00

01:11:43.000 Did the guy get angry at you? 1.00

01:11:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:47.000 He's like, get the fuck out of my room. 0.99

01:11:49.000 I'm like, what are you doing? 0.98

01:11:49.000 I got involved. 0.98

01:11:51.000 And I'm a woman.

01:11:52.000 It's crazy.

01:11:53.000 But I can't not say anything.

01:11:55.000 It's crazy for guys, too.

01:11:56.000 But I know what you're saying.

01:11:57.000 I know.

01:11:57.000 I'm such a true...

01:11:58.000 I can't...

01:11:59.000 So...

01:12:00.000 But in New York, I wouldn't dare do that.

01:12:03.000 Really?

01:12:03.000 Because I'm going to get shot.

01:12:04.000 Yeah, it's bad there.

01:12:05.000 So noticeably different.

01:12:08.000 When did it shift?

01:12:10.000 Um...

01:12:12.000 I'd say during COVID. That de Blasio guy is responsible for so much damage to that city.

01:12:18.000 I agree.

01:12:19.000 I agree with you completely. 1.00

01:12:20.000 He was so fucking dumb. 1.00

01:12:22.000 He's a nightmare. 1.00

01:12:23.000 A nightmare. 0.99

01:12:25.000 So weird that that was the mayor of New York City.

01:12:30.000 Horrible.

01:12:31.000 Did you ever see that video that he released about bringing the arts back?

01:12:34.000 About how they're going to reopen the city?

01:12:36.000 No.

01:12:37.000 I heard about it, but I didn't watch it.

01:12:39.000 You should watch it. 1.00

01:12:40.000 Because it's so dumb. 1.00

01:12:42.000 It's so bad. 1.00

01:12:43.000 It seems like you're watching a scene in a Coen Brothers movie.

01:12:47.000 I bet.

01:12:48.000 Like a sketch.

01:12:49.000 Like a scene in the Big Lebowski.

01:12:50.000 Yeah.

01:12:51.000 Where these guys are doing some sort of interpretive dance.

01:12:55.000 No, I'm not kidding.

01:12:55.000 They're doing interpretive dance.

01:12:56.000 Watch this.

01:12:57.000 Play it from the beginning.

01:12:58.000 Because we need to hear it.

01:12:59.000 You need to hear it. 0.97

01:13:00.000 Because it's so goddamn crazy. 0.98

01:13:02.000 You're like, no, no, no. 0.99

01:13:03.000 Joe, you're exaggerating.

01:13:04.000 No.

01:13:04.000 Look at this.

01:13:05.000 Look at the dance.

01:13:07.000 We need a recovery that brings back the life and the heart and the energy of this city, and that everyone gets to be a part of.

01:13:14.000 And we're gonna do that.

01:13:15.000 We're gonna really bring back the heart and soul of New York City.

01:13:17.000 We need our arts and culture back, and we need people to see it and feel it, to participate in it, to know that essence of New York City has not been defeated by the coronavirus, but will come back strong in 2021. They all got masks on outside,

01:13:33.000 but then he doesn't.

01:13:35.000 Open culture is another step towards a recovery for our city.

01:13:40.000 We're launching with 115 street locations in all five boroughs.

01:13:43.000 This is the worst thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

01:13:45.000 But the music is fire, right?

01:13:48.000 And give artists, cultural institutions, and creatives a place to showcase their talents as they recover from the pandemic.

01:13:56.000 Now I'm definitely relapsing.

01:13:59.000 I just made a decision to relapse.

01:14:02.000 We got joints right here.

01:14:04.000 I'll fire one up. 1.00

01:14:05.000 That is fucking horrible. 1.00

01:14:07.000 How about the fact that they got a guy who barely can speak English? 1.00

01:14:09.000 We're going to bring back the culture. 1.00

01:14:15.000 First of all, I just decided not only am I relapsing, but I'm sucking dick for the first time in 20s. 1.00

01:14:20.000 That just made me homophobic and I'm married to a woman. 1.00

01:14:25.000 What the fuck was that? 1.00

01:14:28.000 That was paid for with tax dollars. 1.00

01:14:32.000 That's what you need to know.

01:14:33.000 In the time where people's economy, the economy's falling apart, people's businesses are collapsing, he's got everything locked down.

01:14:40.000 The dancing was all off.

01:14:43.000 All off.

01:14:44.000 It's like a scene, right?

01:14:45.000 It seemed like a scene in a Coen Brothers movie.

01:14:48.000 That was a Saturday Night Live sketch.

01:14:51.000 It's too funny for that.

01:14:54.000 That's amazing what you just said.

01:14:56.000 That was horrible.

01:14:58.000 Horrible.

01:15:00.000 They're not wearing masks.

01:15:01.000 Everyone else is.

01:15:02.000 This is the funniest thing.

01:15:03.000 Well, he's not wearing masks when he's talking, but he was wearing masks when he's sitting down.

01:15:06.000 And they're wearing masks while they're dancing.

01:15:09.000 I need to get that and play that. 0.89

01:15:11.000 I need to rub one out to that.

01:15:13.000 It was so bad.

01:15:15.000 The music.

01:15:19.000 He should be arrested for that.

01:15:22.000 That was so...

01:15:27.000 It's like so bad.

01:15:28.000 I just became an independent.

01:15:31.000 I can't even believe what you said.

01:15:32.000 Join Dave Smith.

01:15:33.000 Become a libertarian.

01:15:38.000 But it's not even about libertarians.

01:15:40.000 There's great Democrats.

01:15:42.000 There's great Democrats out there.

01:15:43.000 No, I know.

01:15:44.000 Of course there are.

01:15:44.000 And I know you feel that way.

01:15:48.000 You and I have talked a lot.

01:15:50.000 I mean, meaning, the first night I met you, we had a talk outside of the creek in the cave about how you feel.

01:15:55.000 Yes.

01:15:56.000 Yeah.

01:15:57.000 This Democrat-Republican thing is the worst thing for this country.

01:16:01.000 I know.

01:16:01.000 This idea that you could be on one or the other team.

01:16:04.000 It's so bad for people because we just inherently, we have this instinctual tribal instinct to join a group and to adopt all the ideas of the group.

01:16:15.000 It's bad for us.

01:16:17.000 It's not good.

01:16:18.000 And it's not, by the way, it's not what's happening.

01:16:21.000 Right.

01:16:21.000 Meaning most people...

01:16:24.000 Are not on one side or the other.

01:16:26.000 No.

01:16:26.000 Most people believe in different things from different sides.

01:16:30.000 Yeah, especially when it comes to financial things, things that have to do with their children, things that have to do with crime.

01:16:38.000 Yep.

01:16:38.000 You'd be amazed at how quickly people become a little more pro-police and concerned about Crime and protecting neighborhoods when you have children.

01:16:50.000 It's almost instinctively people become at least slightly more conservative in that regard.

01:16:56.000 That is true.

01:16:58.000 Yeah, because you realize, especially if you see actual crime and violence, if you actually witness this and realize, oh, you're in danger, and it takes a long time for cops to get to you, and people in New York are experiencing that right now, where they're realizing,

01:17:13.000 oh, no one's coming.

01:17:15.000 Make that phone call.

01:17:16.000 No one's coming.

01:17:17.000 Call 9-1-1.

01:17:18.000 Good luck!

01:17:19.000 Who's gonna help you?

01:17:20.000 It's also people feel differently sometimes when they live in a city or they live in suburbia.

01:17:24.000 Like there's different, or where you live, what parts of the country.

01:17:28.000 It's a lot of different factors.

01:17:31.000 A lot of different factors.

01:17:32.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:17:33.000 It's just the way they handled things, you know, particularly like post-George Floyd, giving in to the masses of people that were saying crazy shit like defund the police. 0.85

01:17:47.000 Like, what are you saying? 0.97

01:17:49.000 Like, do you know where this leads?

01:17:51.000 You're saying defund the police.

01:17:53.000 Like, no money?

01:17:54.000 Take away the money for the police.

01:17:55.000 When we're saying defund the police, we mean defund the police.

01:17:58.000 Like, oh, great.

01:17:59.000 Until you need them. 1.00

01:18:00.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:18:01.000 Do you have an arsenal in your house? 1.00

01:18:03.000 Do you know how to fend off armed thugs?

01:18:06.000 Do you know how to do that?

01:18:07.000 No.

01:18:08.000 What are you talking about?

01:18:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:18:10.000 I'll tell you there's a few people to break into your house and steal everything and kill you. 0.99

01:18:13.000 Yeah.

01:18:13.000 And if there's no cops, no one's going to do anything about it.

01:18:16.000 Yeah, I don't think...

01:18:19.000 I mean, I think a lot of people...

01:18:22.000 I think that's a very small group that say that.

01:18:26.000 It's a thing to say.

01:18:27.000 They don't believe it.

01:18:29.000 It's a thing to say.

01:18:30.000 And if they do believe it, they haven't thought it through.

01:18:32.000 But it's this thing that you say so that people know that you're on the right team.

01:18:36.000 I understand that completely.

01:18:38.000 I mean, I've always wanted to ask you this.

01:18:40.000 Do you care?

01:18:41.000 This is such a general question.

01:18:43.000 Do you care what people say about you?

01:18:46.000 You can't care what people say about you.

01:18:48.000 Well, people do care, but do you care?

01:18:51.000 I mean, look, it's not nice if people say mean things about you, but you don't have to read them.

01:18:56.000 Right, because I don't read it.

01:18:58.000 I always wonder if you read it or not.

01:19:00.000 No, it's not good for you.

01:19:02.000 It's not.

01:19:03.000 No, especially when there's a concerted effort to slander you.

01:19:07.000 There's an obvious concerted effort to attack. 0.99

01:19:10.000 You'd be a fool to read things during the times of heavy cancellation attacks. 1.00

01:19:16.000 You'd be a fool to read that. 0.99

01:19:18.000 They're literally trying to affect other people's opinions about you. 0.99

01:19:22.000 Are you going to let them affect your opinion too?

01:19:25.000 Are you going to let them change your mood?

01:19:27.000 Like, you should know who you are, and that's hard, right?

01:19:30.000 It's because you change all the time.

01:19:32.000 You're always in a state of flux and hopefully in a state of growth, but, you know, your mood changes based on the amount of stress and pressure you're under and your obligations, the amount of sleep.

01:19:42.000 So you're not a constant static thing that's, like, this is a steel cup.

01:19:48.000 This steel cup is always going to be a steel cup.

01:19:50.000 No, you're all kinds of different things.

01:19:52.000 Look at you.

01:19:53.000 You improved your life.

01:19:54.000 You got off the drugs.

01:19:55.000 Quit taking Ambien.

01:19:56.000 You lost a shitload of weight.

01:19:57.000 You're changing.

01:19:58.000 You're constantly in a state.

01:19:59.000 So knowing who you are at all times is hard.

01:20:02.000 It's complicated.

01:20:04.000 But you've got to kind of have a base understanding of who you are.

01:20:07.000 And I think that's generally based on some kind of a discipline.

01:20:10.000 You have to have some kind of a discipline.

01:20:12.000 Whether it's yoga or meditation or some sort of a ritualistic type of exercise or something.

01:20:20.000 You need something where you're pushing yourself and you're testing yourself and you're feeling some discomfort so you know yourself.

01:20:27.000 If you don't do that, you're in real trouble.

01:20:29.000 And if you don't do that and then you also read other people's opinions about you, you're in real trouble.

01:20:35.000 Very big trouble.

01:20:36.000 Yeah, so that's the answer.

01:20:40.000 I'm aware when people are mad at me, but no, I don't read it.

01:20:43.000 Yeah, I think that's a very good decision.

01:20:47.000 Yeah, you can't.

01:20:49.000 I find out about enough of it without reading about it.

01:20:53.000 I'm reluctant to adopt that position with the news.

01:20:57.000 Because I've thought about it sometimes.

01:20:59.000 Sometimes in the morning on the toilet, I'm just reading the news until my legs go numb.

01:21:03.000 And I'm like, what am I doing?

01:21:05.000 Do I really need this much news?

01:21:07.000 I don't do it.

01:21:08.000 I don't look at the news and I don't watch the news.

01:21:10.000 I can't.

01:21:12.000 Because I think it's self-destructive.

01:21:15.000 In a way.

01:21:16.000 I'm hurting myself when I do that.

01:21:19.000 I don't need to look at it.

01:21:20.000 If I need to know something, someone will tell me.

01:21:23.000 I think that too, but in a way, I feel like as a comic and as a person who talks a lot about things that are happening in the world, I kind of have at least some sort of an obligation to be informed.

01:21:34.000 Yeah.

01:21:35.000 Although Jamie's almost always informed anyway, and he lets me know when something's really fucked up. 0.84

01:21:39.000 Right. 0.82

01:21:40.000 When something's really fucked up, I'll oftentimes find out from Jamie.

01:21:43.000 Yeah. 0.79

01:21:43.000 Jamie's at the forefront. 0.79

01:21:44.000 Yeah.

01:21:46.000 That's true.

01:21:47.000 He's an internet kid.

01:21:48.000 Yeah.

01:21:48.000 He knows the internet.

01:21:49.000 It's just one of those things where you have to manage your diet in terms of what you take in mentally, just like you have to manage your diet physically, like your body, what you eat. 0.99

01:22:01.000 You have to manage what you fucking think about. 0.97

01:22:04.000 You can't just fill it up with junk, you know? 0.98

01:22:07.000 Yeah, I just know people that like, you know, they'll get accused of things or they'll, people will try to quote unquote cancel them or, you know, put stuff out about them because I've had stuff put out about me.

01:22:23.000 I know where I stand and who I am as a person, so I've learned to not get so affected by those things because I know who I am.

01:22:32.000 I'm very firm in who I am as a person and as a soul, so I don't let it affect me.

01:22:38.000 But years ago, before I did so much work on myself, I would have been crushed and fucking bedridden because I wasn't so secure with who I am as a person now. 0.98

01:22:50.000 Yeah, I've seen people really lose their shit over some minor stuff. 0.99

01:22:55.000 I know. 0.99

01:22:55.000 Or criticism or, you know. 0.99

01:22:57.000 Yeah.

01:22:58.000 It's like, you gotta be able to take that.

01:23:00.000 To be in this business?

01:23:01.000 Yeah.

01:23:03.000 And you can't dwell on it.

01:23:04.000 No.

01:23:06.000 No.

01:23:07.000 Yeah.

01:23:07.000 You can't or get out because they go after you, especially when you're successful.

01:23:12.000 Forget it. 1.00

01:23:12.000 You're fucking... 1.00

01:23:14.000 I think my feeling on all this stuff that's going on about even cancel culture, like what people are talking about as cancel culture... 1.00

01:23:22.000 It's people realizing that they have the ability to affect things around them, especially if they act in groups.

01:23:31.000 Now, I'm not saying it's good, but when people realize that they can organize a campaign to attack a politician or attack a celebrity or attack someone who they feel like is deserving of that and then they spend a lot of time online doing that.

01:23:49.000 I'm not saying it's good, but it's fascinating.

01:23:51.000 It's fascinating because it's a never-before-available portal for expressing yourself.

01:23:58.000 And I think, just like everything else in life, there's this bad aspect of things that happen, and then there's a correction that may at least potentially be good. 0.91

01:24:11.000 And I think that way when I think of all this cancel culture shit and all this criticism stuff and all the chaos and the infighting between the right and the left and the fucking battle for control of the government. 0.94

01:24:24.000 All of that stuff. 0.98

01:24:25.000 When I look at all that stuff I say this is a strange time for the Processing of information, the distribution of information, it's the Wild West, and no one knows what the fuck to do, you know?

01:24:39.000 And there's a lot of people that are trying to apply traditional models to how to handle things today, and it's not working.

01:24:46.000 Like, here's the thing, there's so much cultural shifting happening on the internet, but nobody controls the internet.

01:24:53.000 I know.

01:24:54.000 That's what's so crazy.

01:24:55.000 So this, like, for the first time in the history of human beings, Regular peep just people people who got a YouTube channel who get a fucking Twitter page who get this have a massive say a Massive say crazy right in the way people feel and think about things I think ultimately that's going to be a good thing, 0.99

01:25:14.000 but we have rough water ahead That's what's going on and all the people that are calling for censorship You're only calling for censorship for people that don't agree with you But there's gonna be people that don't agree with you and if they get the fucking reins, then that shit comes back around at you. 0.98

01:25:30.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

01:25:31.000 And that is how dictators form.

01:25:33.000 That's how they take control of governments. 1.00

01:25:36.000 Censorship is fucking dangerous because it's a mental form of dictatorship. 0.97

01:25:41.000 You're deciding what people can and can't do. 0.99

01:25:45.000 And you're deciding it based on your own ideology, and how do I know if you've examined it?

01:25:50.000 How do I know if you're introspective?

01:25:52.000 How do I know if you've done the work?

01:25:54.000 How do I know if you've, like, been honest about yourself, about your failures and your successes and your kindness and your weakness, your strengths, your flaws?

01:26:02.000 How do I know? 0.99

01:26:03.000 I don't fucking know. 0.98

01:26:04.000 But I do know this, if you want to censor people, most likely you haven't. 0.99

01:26:08.000 Most likely you haven't done the work.

01:26:10.000 Yeah.

01:26:10.000 And this is where we find ourselves, with Elon Musk about to pop up.

01:26:14.000 Yeah, I saw that.

01:26:15.000 Apparently it's going down.

01:26:16.000 It happened. 1.00

01:26:17.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:26:19.000 What?! 1.00

01:26:19.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:26:21.000 The press release has been announced. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Elon Musk just bought Twitter.

01:26:25.000 We got a movie star type of a superhero.

01:26:29.000 It's like a movie. 0.96

01:26:30.000 Like if you had a movie and there was a guy who was like a hero in the movie who happened to be a billionaire, does wild shit, like makes his own rockets and drills under the city and electric cars and then buys Twitter. 1.00

01:26:42.000 That's fucking insane! 0.98

01:26:43.000 Elon Musk agrees to buy Twitter in a $44 billion deal. 0.99

01:26:48.000 Agreement to take social media network private marks the close of dramatic courtship.

01:26:53.000 Here's why that's going to be interesting.

01:26:55.000 Yeah, tell me.

01:26:56.000 I need to hear what you think.

01:26:57.000 He believes that free speech is important, and not just important, vital for a democracy, for a functioning democracy.

01:27:06.000 And I agree with that.

01:27:08.000 And what's interesting about this is, we found out some things about Twitter, and one of the things they do is shadow ban people.

01:27:16.000 So they make it so that your content, whatever you put out, has less impact.

01:27:21.000 It has less engagement.

01:27:24.000 They limit your ability to express yourself.

01:27:27.000 They ban accounts.

01:27:29.000 And they ban accounts if the account says something that they don't agree with.

01:27:34.000 If the account says something that violates what they believe is a...

01:27:40.000 Do you know you can't deadname someone?

01:27:43.000 Right.

01:27:43.000 You know, like Bruce Jenner was Bruce Jenner his whole life.

01:27:46.000 And then he became Caitlyn Jenner.

01:27:50.000 And if you call Caitlyn by that other name, you're dead naming her.

01:27:55.000 And they'll ban you. 0.99

01:27:56.000 They'll ban you for life. 0.77

01:27:57.000 I didn't know that.

01:27:58.000 They'll ban you for life. 0.77

01:27:59.000 So me even saying his name as a name, there's nothing wrong with that name.

01:28:03.000 It's how he won the Olympics.

01:28:05.000 That was the name of the guy on the Wheaties box, right?

01:28:08.000 That was the name.

01:28:08.000 But by me saying that name...

01:28:10.000 I never knew that.

01:28:11.000 People write articles when I do it.

01:28:13.000 Like, oh, he's dead-naming her.

01:28:16.000 You're talking like you're in a cult, okay? 0.99

01:28:18.000 I'm saying a fucking name, and it was a name that someone used for a long time. 0.99

01:28:22.000 It's not meant in any way, shape, or form to be disrespectful. 0.99

01:28:25.000 Wow.

01:28:25.000 That will get you banned for life from Twitter.

01:28:27.000 That's crazy ideological shit. 1.00

01:28:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:29.000 That's what that is.

01:28:30.000 That is nuts. 1.00

01:28:30.000 That's cult shit. 1.00

01:28:31.000 Nuts. 1.00

01:28:32.000 Megan Murphy.

01:28:33.000 Do you know who she is?

01:28:35.000 Yeah.

01:28:35.000 A feminist commentator and a friend of mine who's been on the podcast before.

01:28:39.000 She got banned from Twitter because she was in an argument with someone about transgender access to women's spaces.

01:28:47.000 I think it was around the time. 1.00

01:28:50.000 Was it about the guy who became a woman and then kept his dick in balls and wanted to get him waxed? 1.00

01:28:57.000 Was that the person in Canada? 1.00

01:28:59.000 Because she's from Canada. 0.50

01:29:01.000 There was some crazy...

01:29:02.000 Anyway, point is, in this argument she goes, a man is never a woman though.

01:29:07.000 This is what she says.

01:29:08.000 This is her opinion as a woman. 1.00

01:29:11.000 You can't say, you're a dick and balls, and then I become a woman, and now you have to say that I'm a woman. 1.00

01:29:18.000 And she's saying, no, a man is never a woman. 1.00

01:29:20.000 This is what she's saying.

01:29:21.000 So that's her opinion.

01:29:22.000 It's her opinion.

01:29:23.000 And it's, you know, obviously in this day and age, that's a controversial opinion, but I believe she deserves the ability to express it, and I believe people have the ability, or deserve the ability, rather, to refute it.

01:29:33.000 And to argue and make a better argument against that.

01:29:36.000 And that's what discourse is all about.

01:29:37.000 Right.

01:29:37.000 But meanwhile they banned her from Twitter for life.

01:29:40.000 For saying that.

01:29:40.000 They banned her from Twitter.

01:29:42.000 They banned Megan Murphy from Twitter for saying that.

01:29:44.000 I don't think that's okay.

01:29:46.000 It makes no sense.

01:29:47.000 It makes no sense.

01:29:48.000 At all.

01:29:48.000 She's a valuable, interesting person who has a great perspective and she's very wise.

01:29:53.000 And she has good points.

01:29:54.000 And we're missing out on those good points.

01:29:55.000 You have to get it from her podcast or you get it from her Instagram.

01:29:58.000 But you can't get it from Twitter anymore because they decided that during that conversation she crossed the line. 1.00

01:30:03.000 That's fucked. 1.00

01:30:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:04.000 That's just fucked. 1.00

01:30:06.000 I mean, whether I agree, disagree or anything, I believe that she has a right to say it. 0.99

01:30:10.000 And I don't think that you should be banned from Twitter for saying what you want to say.

01:30:15.000 No, you shouldn't be.

01:30:15.000 And I feel that there should be, you know, like people should agree, disagree, and there should be a conversation.

01:30:20.000 There should be a conversation.

01:30:22.000 This is America.

01:30:22.000 Also, this ability to shadow ban people has to be exposed.

01:30:27.000 Right.

01:30:28.000 That happens on TikTok.

01:30:29.000 Do you remember that clip you just saw?

01:30:31.000 Yes.

01:30:32.000 Where I said I should be...

01:30:33.000 It was about me and my body and how I felt.

01:30:35.000 Yeah.

01:30:36.000 It was taken down and I was put on probation.

01:30:38.000 Well, TikTok is rough with that.

01:30:40.000 It's the roughest.

01:30:41.000 Yeah.

01:30:42.000 Well, I think they don't want anything that interrupts ad revenue and anything that gets them...

01:30:46.000 Can someone buy TikTok and please help with that?

01:30:49.000 Maybe you want to buy TikTok next.

01:30:50.000 Jesus.

01:30:51.000 But maybe the Chinese won't sell.

01:30:52.000 Maybe if they sell it, it'll be like one of them deals, like you think you bought it, but there's nothing in it.

01:30:56.000 I doubt someone's going to sell.

01:30:58.000 They're not going to sell TikTok.

01:31:00.000 They're really the worst.

01:31:02.000 TikTok's the worst.

01:31:03.000 I can't believe, I didn't think they were going to, that was going to happen with him on Twitter.

01:31:09.000 That's amazing. 0.88

01:31:10.000 Apparently it was really close yesterday, and I had heard this morning that it was probably going to happen, but the fact that it's now announced, that's fucking amazing.

01:31:18.000 Look, it'll change everything. 0.79

01:31:19.000 And I wonder how quickly it is before Donald Trump's back.

01:31:24.000 I already saw the thing.

01:31:25.000 He said he's not going to come back, even if Elon bought it.

01:31:28.000 I didn't see a reason why, but that's...

01:31:30.000 Oh, I'll tell you exactly why.

01:31:32.000 Because of his truth social media. 0.99

01:31:36.000 Why are we playing around with this Twitter shit? 0.99

01:31:37.000 We'll be on truth social. 0.99

01:31:39.000 Is that big?

01:31:40.000 That's Donald Trump's social media platform.

01:31:42.000 But is it big?

01:31:43.000 The biggest.

01:31:44.000 Is it?

01:31:44.000 It's...

01:31:45.000 The best.

01:31:46.000 It's the biggest.

01:31:47.000 The biggest of all time.

01:31:49.000 They say that Twitter's not as big.

01:31:51.000 Donald Trump says, I'm not going back to Twitter, even with Elon Musk taking over.

01:31:57.000 Donald, reconsider. 0.99

01:31:59.000 Can you imagine the fucking tweet? 1.00

01:32:02.000 I mean, look, do you want to win or not, Donald? 1.00

01:32:03.000 It would be huge. 0.99

01:32:04.000 Do you want to fucking win? 0.99

01:32:05.000 Is he running again? 1.00

01:32:06.000 Of course he's going to run again.

01:32:07.000 Do you think so?

01:32:08.000 Of course he's going to run again.

01:32:09.000 How much do you want to bet?

01:32:12.000 I don't know.

01:32:13.000 How old would he be?

01:32:14.000 80,000 years old.

01:32:17.000 How much do you want to bet?

01:32:20.000 How much do you bet?

01:32:22.000 I don't think he's going to.

01:32:24.000 Let's make a bet.

01:32:25.000 I don't know.

01:32:26.000 You're so much more loaded than I am.

01:32:29.000 What do you want to bet?

01:32:30.000 50 bucks.

01:32:30.000 Of course.

01:32:31.000 Okay.

01:32:31.000 50 bucks.

01:32:32.000 I don't think he's going to run again.

01:32:34.000 That's like a meal. 0.99

01:32:36.000 That's a shitty meal. 0.98

01:32:38.000 Yeah, but it's like a sandwich. 0.99

01:32:39.000 75 right now.

01:32:40.000 75. Yeah, he's 150,000 years old.

01:32:42.000 So he would be, what, 77?

01:32:44.000 Wait.

01:32:45.000 Yeah, 77, which is younger than Biden.

01:32:48.000 But he's got a lot more energy than Biden. 1.00

01:32:49.000 Oh, shit, a lot more. 1.00

01:32:51.000 Biden's terrifying. 1.00

01:32:52.000 When Biden is getting off stage and trying to shake hands that aren't even there...

01:32:55.000 I feel like his hand's going to fall off when he shakes.

01:32:57.000 He gets off stage and just turns like...

01:32:58.000 The person's going to walk away with his hand.

01:33:01.000 Sometimes I wonder if his whole hand's going to fall off.

01:33:04.000 There's no one to shake his hand.

01:33:05.000 That's my point.

01:33:06.000 He's trying to shake people's hands and they're not there.

01:33:08.000 You haven't seen this?

01:33:09.000 I have.

01:33:10.000 I saw it.

01:33:11.000 He just turns around and he puts his hand out.

01:33:13.000 Vinnie Brand.

01:33:15.000 From the Stress Factory?

01:33:16.000 Yeah, he made a video of him going up to shake his hand.

01:33:19.000 It's crazy.

01:33:20.000 It's crazy.

01:33:21.000 It's like, what are we doing?

01:33:23.000 We've got to get him out of there.

01:33:26.000 They should have someone.

01:33:28.000 Listen.

01:33:29.000 Kamala Harris is not the one, but someone should represent the United States.

01:33:32.000 Like, to be able to talk.

01:33:33.000 Look, he turns.

01:33:34.000 And no one's there.

01:33:35.000 Where do I go?

01:33:36.000 Where do I go?

01:33:37.000 Where do I go?

01:33:39.000 I feel bad. 0.99

01:33:39.000 This is fucking insane! 0.99

01:33:41.000 He's got two more years on the job. 1.00

01:33:42.000 This is insane. 0.99

01:33:44.000 I mean, I think probably it was accelerated by whatever the fuck they gave him to get through the debates. 1.00

01:33:49.000 I bet they had him cranked up on Adderall. 0.98

01:33:52.000 Has he fallen a lot?

01:33:54.000 Yeah, he fell on the way up the stairs once.

01:33:56.000 Remember that?

01:33:57.000 So maybe he has the Chevy Chase.

01:33:59.000 I mean, not that he's mean, but he's just a little out of it.

01:34:01.000 He had brain surgery.

01:34:02.000 You know that, right?

01:34:03.000 He did?

01:34:04.000 Yeah.

01:34:04.000 I didn't know that.

01:34:05.000 Serious brain surgery.

01:34:06.000 I had no idea.

01:34:08.000 He had like a Widowmaker type aneurysm. 1.00

01:34:11.000 And they had to take the top of his fucking head off. 1.00

01:34:13.000 They take the top of his skull off. 1.00

01:34:15.000 When did that happen?

01:34:17.000 They have to drain his head.

01:34:18.000 And most people don't survive.

01:34:21.000 Okay.

01:34:21.000 Before he was vice president.

01:34:22.000 Holy shit! 0.99

01:34:23.000 That was a long time ago. 1.00

01:34:24.000 Yeah, he's had major brain surgery.

01:34:27.000 Okay.

01:34:27.000 Yeah, I think he's had two strokes.

01:34:30.000 No, I'm not joking.

01:34:31.000 Why are you laughing? 1.00

01:34:32.000 You're a terrible person. 0.99

01:34:33.000 Look at me just laughing. 0.99

01:34:34.000 I'm a comic, Joe. 1.00

01:34:36.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:34:39.000 Because basically he's had a lobotomy and he's president. 1.00

01:34:42.000 You're telling me he's had all these brain surgeries, strokes.

01:34:45.000 Look at this.

01:34:46.000 He later required two brain surgeries for aneurysms, one which had already broken and another which had the potential to break.

01:34:53.000 The surgery saved his life.

01:34:54.000 He initially had common physical effects of strokes such as facial droop.

01:34:58.000 Following six months of recovery, he was cleared to return to work.

01:35:02.000 The aneurysm changed how Biden viewed his daily activities.

01:35:05.000 Now, more than 30 years later, he will soon be inaugurated as the 46th president.

01:35:10.000 So he was unconscious for five hours?

01:35:13.000 Yeah, that's not good either.

01:35:15.000 Yeah, it's a form of stroke with a high fatality rate, it says.

01:35:19.000 But it's a serious one. 1.00

01:35:20.000 He talked about it in a video where they literally, like, take the top of your fucking head off. 0.99

01:35:26.000 All right, so the president is the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, but it's okay. 0.99

01:35:32.000 All right, so 50 bucks.

01:35:35.000 I don't think...

01:35:36.000 Stop. 1.00

01:35:39.000 If you do that one more time, I'm gonna kill you. 1.00

01:35:42.000 Stick that fucking thing back up like Frankenstein. 1.00

01:35:44.000 That's so crazy. 1.00

01:35:46.000 I don't think Trump's gonna run again.

01:35:48.000 50 bucks is mine.

01:35:50.000 I'm gonna spend a Joe List sandwich shop.

01:35:52.000 Next time I'm in New York, I get a few sandwiches.

01:35:55.000 Joe DeRosa!

01:35:56.000 Did I say Joe List?

01:35:57.000 Did I say Joe List?

01:35:58.000 That's how much spot I've been smoking.

01:35:59.000 Joe DeRosa.

01:36:00.000 What is it called?

01:36:00.000 Joey Roses?

01:36:01.000 That's what it is.

01:36:02.000 Joey Roses sandwich shop.

01:36:02.000 I love Joe DeRosa.

01:36:04.000 He's a great guy.

01:36:05.000 Love him.

01:36:05.000 He makes a great sandwich.

01:36:06.000 Amazing.

01:36:08.000 Yeah, it looks good on Instagram.

01:36:10.000 I eat them whole.

01:36:13.000 Like a seal.

01:36:15.000 I do like that rabbit.

01:36:17.000 I'm not kidding.

01:36:18.000 That rabbit.

01:36:20.000 I just picture those two hind legs.

01:36:22.000 This is the most disturbing.

01:36:23.000 What?

01:36:24.000 Komodo dragon eating a monkey.

01:36:27.000 Yeah, because the monkeys, they grab at things, like people.

01:36:31.000 Was the monkey alive?

01:36:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:33.000 The monkey's alive.

01:36:34.000 Was it screaming?

01:36:35.000 It happens all the time.

01:36:36.000 Was it screaming?

01:36:37.000 I'm sure it did for a while.

01:36:40.000 But it's a common thing.

01:36:41.000 Why?

01:36:42.000 Komodo dragons eat a lot of monkeys.

01:36:44.000 They do?

01:36:45.000 Yeah.

01:36:46.000 I knew you were gonna bring it up!

01:36:48.000 Sorry.

01:36:48.000 Look at this.

01:36:49.000 So see him screaming?

01:36:50.000 Oh my god!

01:36:51.000 Yeah.

01:36:51.000 Oh my god.

01:36:55.000 Yeah, the music's not necessary, because there's no sound of the actual thing, but, like, I mean, the monkey's fucked, because the monkey's like a thinking creature, right? 0.99

01:37:03.000 You know what? 0.99

01:37:03.000 I understand why you hate those things. 0.99

01:37:06.000 I fucking hate those things. 1.00

01:37:07.000 That's evil. 1.00

01:37:08.000 They are, well, they just, they're remorseless, soulless, I mean, look, they don't give a fuck about their own babies. 1.00

01:37:16.000 They certainly don't give a fuck about that monkey, and they're all just gonna try to tear it apart. 1.00

01:37:20.000 Oh! 0.99

01:37:22.000 Look at its tail swinging around.

01:37:25.000 Yeah, I mean, it's aware that this is happening, and then there's no getting out.

01:37:28.000 I mean, the amount of force that those things have, imagine if you were as small as a little monkey like that, and you felt that thing clamping down.

01:37:37.000 So look at this one swallowing this deer.

01:37:40.000 It's a goat?

01:37:41.000 Look at that, swallowing that goat.

01:37:44.000 I mean, what they can do in terms of like...

01:37:47.000 That looks like me secretively eating when I was out of control.

01:37:56.000 No, at a buffet, I'll eat a salad.

01:37:58.000 I don't eat in public in front of people.

01:38:00.000 I'll dip the salad in the dressing.

01:38:03.000 But at home, look at that thing.

01:38:05.000 It's like, hello?

01:38:07.000 A lot of videos of them. 0.98

01:38:09.000 Buffets are rude to fat people. 0.69

01:38:10.000 It's rude to have all you can eat. 0.87

01:38:12.000 That is rude.

01:38:13.000 It's so crazy, because you're just letting a person eat.

01:38:16.000 Use self-control.

01:38:18.000 I feel like these monkeys are like trapped there so that we could film this video.

01:38:24.000 Did you just see it run to him?

01:38:26.000 Yeah, it's like he knows that these monkeys are going to be there.

01:38:30.000 What are you doing with this?

01:38:31.000 I was trying to read the comments to see if somebody had some insight.

01:38:35.000 I think they're all just too busy jacking off.

01:38:37.000 Look. 0.83

01:38:37.000 I think they probably either drug the monkey or I think they do it this way. 0.83

01:38:42.000 Oh my god, look at that.

01:38:44.000 Look.

01:38:44.000 Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if this was actually in captivity.

01:38:48.000 Because it seems like it.

01:38:49.000 It seems too convenient that they just happen to be there over and over again when this thing's eating monkeys.

01:38:54.000 Who's going to be that comfortable to be that close with a camera to the Polo Dragon that's hungry?

01:38:57.000 Exactly. 0.99

01:38:58.000 Get the fuck away from this. 0.99

01:38:59.000 They probably got them high. 1.00

01:39:01.000 They're such a creepy lizard.

01:39:03.000 There was one point in time where I lived in this house that had a courtyard, and I was thinking of sealing the courtyard in and getting a crocodile monitor.

01:39:13.000 You know what a crocodile monitor is?

01:39:14.000 No.

01:39:15.000 And I would just feed it rabbits and watch it there.

01:39:18.000 I thought about that for like a whole week.

01:39:19.000 Really?

01:39:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:20.000 I thought about having my own Jurassic Park in my house.

01:39:23.000 I can understand that.

01:39:25.000 But I didn't want to, like, kill rabbits like that.

01:39:27.000 Like, let the rabbit just watch the rabbit get jacked.

01:39:30.000 That's a crocodile monitor.

01:39:31.000 You could buy them as pets, which is really weird.

01:39:35.000 Go to that one in the corner with the yellow spots.

01:39:38.000 Yeah.

01:39:39.000 That's what it looks like.

01:39:40.000 Oh, right.

01:39:41.000 I know what those are.

01:39:42.000 That's very cool looking.

01:39:43.000 If I had, like, a cunty mammal population, I'd be like, you don't want to just keep killing rabbits like that.

01:39:51.000 Whoa.

01:39:52.000 That's cute.

01:39:53.000 Because if you're on team mammal and you're constantly feeding mammals to team reptile, you would feel like a little bit of a traitor.

01:40:02.000 Yeah.

01:40:03.000 I don't know if you'd want to see little rabbits getting mauled.

01:40:07.000 I'd want to see it a few times.

01:40:08.000 I don't know how many times, though.

01:40:10.000 Not enough to keep the crocodile monitor alive.

01:40:13.000 You know, that's the thing I think probably happened to Florida Everglades pythons. 0.99

01:40:18.000 Is that some asshole like me just had one and thought it was cool. 0.99

01:40:23.000 It has friends over. 1.00

01:40:23.000 Do you watch, man? 1.00

01:40:24.000 I'm going to feed him a rat.

01:40:26.000 And then after a while, they're like, I'm tired of buying rats. 1.00

01:40:29.000 I'm just going to take this fucking thing and throw it in the backyard. 0.99

01:40:33.000 What's the craziest thing you ever ate? 1.00

01:40:35.000 Because you've eaten some weird shit. 1.00

01:40:37.000 I ate a lot of stuff when I was hosting Fear Factor. 1.00

01:40:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:40.000 I ate tomato hornworms.

01:40:44.000 I ate a Madagascar hissing cockroach. 1.00

01:40:47.000 I ate sheep's eyeballs.

01:40:50.000 Oh, my God!

01:40:52.000 I don't know how you did that.

01:40:55.000 How did you do that?

01:40:56.000 I had a rocky cave spider.

01:40:59.000 Oh my god.

01:41:00.000 Yeah, I ate...

01:41:02.000 I know I keep saying, oh my god, but I mean, honestly, how you ate an eyeball, I don't...

01:41:07.000 Yeah, it was nasty.

01:41:09.000 It wasn't good.

01:41:09.000 But you would eat an eyeball if you were hungry.

01:41:11.000 No, I wouldn't.

01:41:12.000 It's basically just some kind of protein.

01:41:13.000 I don't know if I would.

01:41:14.000 I'm not kidding.

01:41:15.000 Really?

01:41:16.000 If you're starving?

01:41:17.000 An eyeball?

01:41:17.000 If you're starving?

01:41:18.000 If I was starving, I guess I would have to.

01:41:20.000 You would.

01:41:21.000 People eat people when they're hungry.

01:41:23.000 But you weren't starving.

01:41:25.000 No.

01:41:26.000 And you ate it.

01:41:27.000 Yeah, I did it for the show.

01:41:28.000 Michael Yeo.

01:41:29.000 Oh yeah, I mean Michael Yeo.

01:41:30.000 I love him.

01:41:31.000 Yeah, this is...

01:41:32.000 Michael Yeo was in episode one of Fear Factor.

01:41:37.000 Look at him.

01:41:37.000 Look how young he is.

01:41:39.000 Yeah, he was a DJ. Okay.

01:41:40.000 You don't have to see this.

01:41:42.000 He was a DJ in Miami, I think, at the time.

01:41:45.000 I'm doing his podcast this week.

01:41:46.000 Tell us an eye.

01:41:47.000 I will.

01:41:47.000 I love him.

01:41:49.000 An eyeball.

01:41:51.000 Did you ever, like, throw up?

01:41:52.000 I mean, did you ever get sick?

01:41:53.000 I only threw up once from Fear Factor, and that was watching it at home for whatever reason.

01:41:58.000 I never threw up on the set, but I was watching it at home, and there was this girl, and she was eating worms, and she kept... 0.53

01:42:05.000 Throwing them up in the glass and then trying to eat them again.

01:42:09.000 And I don't know if it was the close-up, the fact that, you know, they had like a really high-resolution close-up on it.

01:42:16.000 I'm watching on a big screen TV and I don't know what it was.

01:42:19.000 But I literally ran in the sink and threw up in the sink.

01:42:22.000 And I never threw up on the set.

01:42:24.000 Isn't that incredible that you were watching it on TV and threw up and you had never threw up from doing anything, from eating anything?

01:42:30.000 I got super used to throw up.

01:42:34.000 Super used to things that were disgusting.

01:42:36.000 The point where it didn't bother me.

01:42:38.000 People could throw up right in front of me.

01:42:40.000 And I'd be like, you alright?

01:42:42.000 Like it didn't make me go.

01:42:44.000 Like when I was in high school, like everybody remembers, if you were in school and someone threw up, everybody wanted to throw up.

01:42:49.000 Everybody would run away from the throw-up, like, oh my god!

01:42:53.000 Yeah, of course.

01:42:54.000 That doesn't work on me anymore.

01:42:57.000 Like, you could throw up right in front of me, and I would just go, hmm.

01:42:59.000 Of course, from being on that show.

01:43:01.000 Was that your favorite TV show that you ever worked on?

01:43:04.000 It was my favorite financially.

01:43:05.000 Of course.

01:43:06.000 Favorite for that.

01:43:07.000 Because it gave me, that was for real, like, it was fun to do.

01:43:11.000 Because the people were nice, like the people I worked with. 1.00

01:43:13.000 But it gave me fuck you money. 0.99

01:43:16.000 And that was the best part about that show. 1.00

01:43:18.000 It was a good job.

01:43:20.000 And then it gave me money that I didn't have to think about money.

01:43:22.000 I could just go and just do stand-up.

01:43:25.000 And that's right after that I started the podcast.

01:43:28.000 It's amazing.

01:43:29.000 I started the podcast within a year or two of Fear Factor being done.

01:43:34.000 I watched it constantly, that show.

01:43:37.000 I loved it. 1.00

01:43:38.000 I thought that fucking show was going to be canceled immediately. 1.00

01:43:41.000 You did? 1.00

01:43:42.000 That's why I signed up to do it.

01:43:43.000 I was trying to do a sitcom.

01:43:44.000 I had a development...

01:43:46.000 I had just gotten off of news radio, and then I had a development deal to do a sitcom, and then NBC came to me and said, Hey, we got this thing.

01:43:55.000 We'd really like you to do it.

01:43:56.000 And I'm pretty sure I was high for the rehearsal or for the interview.

01:44:01.000 Because it wasn't an audition.

01:44:02.000 They just wanted to talk to me.

01:44:04.000 Right.

01:44:04.000 Which is great.

01:44:05.000 And I was like, what are you talking about? 0.80

01:44:07.000 You're going to sick dogs on people?

01:44:09.000 And that was during the day where I got high a lot.

01:44:12.000 That was like my almost everyday high days.

01:44:16.000 Yeah.

01:44:17.000 During the early days of Fear Factor.

01:44:19.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 I was always getting baked.

01:44:20.000 Yeah.

01:44:21.000 So when I showed up, I was mocking it.

01:44:23.000 I was like, what are you talking about?

01:44:25.000 And that almost cost me the show.

01:44:27.000 Like, they were going to go with someone who took it seriously.

01:44:30.000 They thought I didn't take it seriously enough.

01:44:32.000 You were just like, what do you mean?

01:44:34.000 I just was laughing.

01:44:35.000 I was laughing. 1.00

01:44:36.000 They're going to stick dogs on people and make them eat dicks. 1.00

01:44:39.000 Like, this is so crazy. 1.00

01:44:40.000 Make them eat dicks. 1.00

01:44:41.000 Make them eat dicks on TV. Yeah, which they literally did. 1.00

01:44:44.000 They had a drink cum. 0.97

01:44:48.000 What kind of cum? 0.99

01:44:49.000 Donkey. 1.00

01:44:50.000 Donkey cum. 1.00

01:44:51.000 I would fucking die. 1.00

01:44:55.000 Yeah, they had to drink a whole beer stein full of it. 1.00

01:44:58.000 Like this much.

01:44:59.000 There's a video of it.

01:45:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:03.000 It's one of two times where I came to work and I found out what they had to do and I go, hey, you guys are going too far.

01:45:09.000 Only one of two times ever.

01:45:10.000 The other time was they were riding bulls.

01:45:12.000 People had to ride bulls. 1.00

01:45:14.000 And I was like, yo, these are bulls.

01:45:16.000 Yeah, that's dangerous.

01:45:17.000 The stunt guy was like, don't worry about it, boo, these are stunt bulls.

01:45:20.000 I go, stunt bulls?

01:45:21.000 I go, does that bull know he's a stunt bull?

01:45:23.000 I bet he doesn't. 1.00

01:45:24.000 I bet he thinks he's a fucking bull. 1.00

01:45:27.000 Bull with full bull hormones. 1.00

01:45:30.000 He's just a bull.

01:45:31.000 I mean, maybe he's not...

01:45:33.000 Oh! 0.60

01:45:33.000 That's how much... 0.60

01:45:34.000 Look at that. 0.98

01:45:34.000 That's how much cum they had to drink. 0.98

01:45:36.000 And the other one's piss. 1.00

01:45:37.000 So the one on the right is donkey piss, and that one's donkey cum. 1.00

01:45:40.000 Well, donkey piss is like heaven compared to... 0.99

01:45:43.000 The Lixir of the Gods. 0.99

01:45:44.000 Yeah, but look at these guys.

01:45:46.000 Plugging their notes.

01:45:46.000 And the girls were trying to get them to throw up, and so the girls were making throw-up noises next to them.

01:45:53.000 This guy's just chugging jizz.

01:45:55.000 So that's what got the show canceled.

01:45:56.000 Guess what?

01:45:57.000 What? 0.83

01:45:58.000 That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 0.91

01:46:00.000 Congratulations. 0.94

01:46:01.000 I was right there.

01:46:02.000 Right there.

01:46:04.000 Right up close.

01:46:05.000 And the fact that he did it...

01:46:06.000 And then they threw it up.

01:46:06.000 They got to throw it up in buckets, which is great.

01:46:09.000 And so, look at this. 0.97

01:46:10.000 They're just chucking up cum. 1.00

01:46:11.000 And these donkeys just feeling real bad about that. 0.99

01:46:13.000 That's what got it canceled? 0.96

01:46:15.000 Yes.

01:46:16.000 That episode?

01:46:16.000 That episode got it canceled.

01:46:18.000 Because it got leaked on...

01:46:20.000 Look at her. 0.64

01:46:22.000 That's a sexual scene right there. 1.00

01:46:25.000 100%.

01:46:25.000 Are you sure?

01:46:26.000 The producers did... 0.95

01:46:27.000 Because that's the porn I watch. 0.57

01:46:28.000 Right? 0.97

01:46:29.000 With the mascara running down the face.

01:46:31.000 Yeah, I like that.

01:46:31.000 When a woman looks like she's gonna die from giving head.

01:46:35.000 Because my mom wasn't around.

01:46:37.000 So that turns me on.

01:46:41.000 Do you think they wear mascara that runs easy on purpose?

01:46:44.000 Yes.

01:46:45.000 Because it's a look.

01:46:45.000 I know they do.

01:46:46.000 It's a look, right?

01:46:47.000 Yeah.

01:46:48.000 Yeah, of course.

01:46:49.000 And then they just start gagging.

01:46:50.000 Do you have choices with mascara?

01:46:52.000 So that's a choice.

01:46:55.000 You know what's gonna happen.

01:46:57.000 Of course!

01:46:58.000 And it runs immediately.

01:47:00.000 It's literally like, let me find the kind that...

01:47:03.000 They find the kind that immediately runs.

01:47:08.000 It's not even like...

01:47:09.000 I'm sure.

01:47:09.000 They probably missed it.

01:47:10.000 They probably put something in your eye.

01:47:12.000 You know?

01:47:13.000 Chopped onions in front of you or something.

01:47:15.000 Yeah.

01:47:16.000 Right?

01:47:16.000 For sure.

01:47:17.000 They squirt mustard in your eye. 0.74

01:47:19.000 Yeah. 0.61

01:47:24.000 It's weird, the different kinds of porn.

01:47:27.000 Because if you go to Pornhub or any of those places now, The number of stepmom videos is off the charts.

01:47:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:35.000 Like, we're in a stepmom phase.

01:47:37.000 Yeah, it's major.

01:47:39.000 And I'm wondering if this was triggered by the pandemic, where a bunch of people had to be home.

01:47:44.000 Yeah.

01:47:45.000 Right?

01:47:45.000 Like, you couldn't be out there in the wild, and maybe you had to quit college, because now college is remote, so you come home, and you're around your stepmom and your dad.

01:47:53.000 That's really funny.

01:47:55.000 You should make a bit about that.

01:47:56.000 I think that's it.

01:47:57.000 It's very funny.

01:47:57.000 Don't you think that's it?

01:47:58.000 Yeah.

01:47:59.000 Yeah.

01:47:59.000 It's really true.

01:48:02.000 Let's find out if this is true.

01:48:03.000 Boring! 0.95

01:48:04.000 The rise of stepmom porn, does that sync up with the pandemic? 0.95

01:48:10.000 I wonder if anybody's done a study.

01:48:13.000 It's always been around as a premise, but it's overwhelming.

01:48:18.000 And stepdad.

01:48:19.000 I saw that the other day.

01:48:22.000 Stepsister, too.

01:48:23.000 A lot of stepbrothers.

01:48:24.000 Step everything.

01:48:26.000 It's forbidden. 1.00

01:48:27.000 You're not supposed to fuck your mom. 1.00

01:48:29.000 It's forbidden. 1.00

01:48:30.000 Yeah.

01:48:31.000 Yeah.

01:48:32.000 That's what a lot of porn is.

01:48:34.000 It's like forbidden stuff.

01:48:35.000 Ooh, can't believe she's doing that. 0.98

01:48:37.000 Yeah, I can't even Google that.

01:48:39.000 Yeah, housekeeper.

01:48:41.000 Yes, it's a lot of housekeeper. 1.00

01:48:43.000 Yeah, gardener.

01:48:44.000 Nanny. 0.82

01:48:45.000 Yeah, the pool boy. 0.99

01:48:46.000 There is a lot of coronavirus porn.

01:48:47.000 I don't know if you know this.

01:48:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:48.000 Really?

01:48:49.000 I'm sure.

01:48:49.000 People are wearing masks and the porn to be like, you know, I don't know.

01:48:52.000 To be safe.

01:48:52.000 That's so not hot to me.

01:48:55.000 Yeah. 0.50

01:48:55.000 It's like wearing a condom. 0.50

01:48:57.000 Like, ugh. 0.99

01:48:57.000 Yeah, condom porn's gotta go. 0.99

01:48:59.000 I can't. 0.99

01:49:00.000 I'm sorry.

01:49:00.000 There was a law they passed in California for a while that you had to wear condoms in porn.

01:49:03.000 I remember that.

01:49:04.000 Which is hilarious.

01:49:05.000 Because, like, you know, what are you trying to say?

01:49:08.000 Well, we're gonna be the moral authority for pornography.

01:49:11.000 If you really cared, you wouldn't let them do it at all.

01:49:16.000 I'm sorry.

01:49:17.000 First of all, if you're going to do porn, you've got to risk getting diseases. 0.70

01:49:22.000 Get out of here.

01:49:23.000 You're not even taking the kind of risks I'm taking.

01:49:26.000 You're a pro?

01:49:27.000 I'm taking a risk of my partner finding the porn on my computer. 0.99

01:49:30.000 You better not wear a condom. 1.00

01:49:32.000 Get out of here with fucking condoms. 1.00

01:49:34.000 It's nonsense. 1.00

01:49:35.000 It's so not eternal.

01:49:36.000 I can't... 0.94

01:49:37.000 It is gross, though, that humans give each other diseases through sex. 0.87

01:49:43.000 Yeah, it is. 0.99

01:49:44.000 It's got to be one of those things where nature's like, there's too much fucking... 0.81

01:49:47.000 Like, that's probably where all that stuff came from, right? 0.97

01:49:50.000 Of course.

01:49:51.000 It's disgusting, but it's worth it sometimes.

01:49:54.000 Not a lot, but it's worth it very few times.

01:49:56.000 It's worth it.

01:49:57.000 The thing is we got so smart that we stayed alive.

01:50:00.000 We're not supposed to live this long. 0.99

01:50:01.000 So we're supposed to be so horny because we need to fuck a lot and make a lot of people because most of them are going to get eaten by snakes. 1.00

01:50:07.000 I know. 1.00

01:50:08.000 That's really.

01:50:09.000 Yeah.

01:50:09.000 That's really what it is.

01:50:10.000 It's mostly like crocodile monitors and alligator fucking attacks. 0.99

01:50:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:15.000 They're all eating kids. 1.00

01:50:16.000 The free porn sucks now, by the way. 1.00

01:50:18.000 You got to pay for it. 0.99

01:50:19.000 Really?

01:50:19.000 What do you pay?

01:50:21.000 $7,500 a month.

01:50:27.000 Is that from just the last money?

01:50:29.000 Yeah.

01:50:29.000 I made a ton this week.

01:50:34.000 No, there's that site Brazzers. 1.00

01:50:36.000 This is what I've been talking about all week.

01:50:38.000 Oh, okay.

01:50:38.000 Yeah, that's a good site.

01:50:39.000 So you pay for Brazzers? 1.00

01:50:41.000 Well, I just joined.

01:50:42.000 Do you worry about credit card fraud when you go...

01:50:45.000 I mean, I would imagine...

01:50:46.000 I don't care anymore.

01:50:46.000 I'm willing to lose my...

01:50:47.000 I'll risk it all.

01:50:52.000 I'm willing to risk my entire life savings to watch some good porn.

01:50:56.000 So free porn is just not the way to go.

01:50:59.000 I just think there's so many ads now.

01:51:01.000 I click on something and I'm like being, I don't know what's happening.

01:51:05.000 There's like, oh yeah, come on, call me. 0.98

01:51:09.000 Just leave me the fuck alone. 1.00

01:51:11.000 Yeah, I can't. 1.00

01:51:13.000 I can't. 1.00

01:51:14.000 Fuck my pussy, come on. 1.00

01:51:16.000 God, what is happening? 1.00

01:51:18.000 Who am I talking to?

01:51:20.000 I think that's how a lot of those gals make a living now. 1.00

01:51:23.000 They do stuff in front of a camera.

01:51:24.000 I know, but that's never turned me on.

01:51:27.000 I get why it turns men on.

01:51:29.000 I get it.

01:51:29.000 I think it's probably the interactive aspect of it.

01:51:32.000 I totally get it.

01:51:34.000 But as me, as a woman, it doesn't turn me on.

01:51:36.000 I get it.

01:51:37.000 I hear you.

01:51:38.000 It just doesn't.

01:51:39.000 I could never talk to someone live that I don't know.

01:51:43.000 It's just weird.

01:51:46.000 But all of it's weird.

01:51:47.000 I'd be like, hi Karen, how are you?

01:51:48.000 I just would feel so uncomfortable.

01:51:51.000 But I understand why men want that.

01:51:55.000 It's got to be really dangerous for those girls. 1.00

01:51:57.000 Because you'd imagine a lot of men would get very attached to them.

01:52:02.000 I have friends who are making tens of thousands of dollars from sending a pair of underwear.

01:52:10.000 You have no idea.

01:52:11.000 Really?

01:52:11.000 It's comics.

01:52:12.000 And it's underwear, huh?

01:52:14.000 Anything.

01:52:15.000 It's insane.

01:52:17.000 A picture.

01:52:18.000 A picture of something.

01:52:21.000 Something they've worn.

01:52:23.000 They're making so much money right now from OnlyFans or just a relationship.

01:52:29.000 Not a relationship, I mean an internet relationship of sending a picture or an article of clothing or just something they've worn.

01:52:38.000 Anything.

01:52:39.000 So how does that work?

01:52:42.000 If someone's on OnlyFans and someone wants to buy underwear from them, do you know who this person is?

01:52:52.000 Do you know their name that you're sending the underwear to?

01:52:55.000 It's not anonymous.

01:52:57.000 So you know, hey, Mike's kind of creepy.

01:53:01.000 He's buying underwear off this lady online. 0.96

01:53:03.000 She knows now that he's buying underwear off of her.

01:53:05.000 But they know each other now.

01:53:08.000 So now he's buying articles of clothing and like, let me get your socks.

01:53:13.000 Let me get some stinky socks. 1.00

01:53:15.000 Right. 1.00

01:53:15.000 That's weird shit. 1.00

01:53:16.000 Right. 1.00

01:53:17.000 But he could pay $5,000.

01:53:20.000 But my question is like, where does this go?

01:53:23.000 When I'm seeing that kind of interaction with two human beings, I'm like, does this escalate?

01:53:28.000 Does it die off?

01:53:29.000 I guess it dies off sometimes and it ends up becoming more and more and more money.

01:53:34.000 And I know people who've bought a condo from it.

01:53:37.000 Wow.

01:53:38.000 Now, this is something I wouldn't do.

01:53:41.000 You don't have to clarify.

01:53:42.000 Right.

01:53:43.000 Maybe you would.

01:53:44.000 Things go sideways?

01:53:44.000 All right, it is how I brought a house.

01:53:46.000 But let's just... 1.00

01:53:47.000 My socks with the smell of my ass are very a hot commodity right now. 1.00

01:53:52.000 Put it together in a plastic bag. 1.00

01:53:54.000 Yeah, in a Ziploc.

01:53:54.000 Leaving the sun for a while.

01:53:55.000 Yeah.

01:53:56.000 Let it heat up.

01:53:58.000 From a microwave.

01:53:59.000 But let's not get into it.

01:54:01.000 No.

01:54:03.000 Listen, I have friends who are making a ton.

01:54:06.000 But I wouldn't do it.

01:54:09.000 Unless you needed it. 1.00

01:54:11.000 Unless I was still a fat fuck. 1.00

01:54:13.000 Because I'd need to buy food. 1.00

01:54:16.000 Um...

01:54:17.000 No, it makes sense to me, but yes, it is scary.

01:54:21.000 I don't know.

01:54:22.000 I think sometimes it would escalate to a weird place.

01:54:26.000 And plus, this is the thing, Joe.

01:54:28.000 We do live shows.

01:54:29.000 Right.

01:54:29.000 That's my point.

01:54:30.000 And there's no security.

01:54:31.000 Right.

01:54:32.000 And if I'm in the middle of Ohio doing a show, who knows if this guy's going to show up?

01:54:39.000 Yeah.

01:54:40.000 I mean, there's no one's being vetted.

01:54:43.000 I know some gals that have had some real problems with internet guys online. 0.96

01:54:47.000 That scares me.

01:54:48.000 Yeah, because they're doing a show and this guy just shows up to a show and then maybe shows up to another show that's like two states away and you're like, oh boy.

01:54:55.000 And then maybe they know what hotel you're staying at.

01:54:58.000 They could easily know what hotel you're staying at.

01:55:01.000 Easily.

01:55:01.000 They might be able to talk the guy at the counter saying that you're their girlfriend.

01:55:07.000 Yep.

01:55:08.000 They want to surprise you.

01:55:09.000 You never know.

01:55:10.000 Oh, I know stories of that where they show up to your room and knock on the door. 1.00

01:55:13.000 Especially if there's some fucking idiot that's working the counter and they don't know any better. 1.00

01:55:17.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:55:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:18.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:55:19.000 Yeah, so it's like, yeah, you're getting a lot of money, but... 1.00

01:55:23.000 The thing is, like, how long can you do that?

01:55:25.000 Like, what do you do if you get...

01:55:27.000 Like, imagine.

01:55:28.000 Here's the thing.

01:55:29.000 Imagine you're a girl. 1.00

01:55:30.000 And you sell a lot of pictures of your vagina. 1.00

01:55:35.000 And, you know, you do stuff for money online. 0.99

01:55:38.000 And you're using this to pay your bills, buy a house.

01:55:41.000 But then you get in a relationship with someone.

01:55:45.000 And then it gets kind of serious, and you're thinking about getting married. 1.00

01:55:48.000 If you get married, and what if the guy says, hey, I don't think you should be sticking your pussy in front of the camera every night if we're married. 1.00

01:55:55.000 Well then, think about the amount of money she's risking by getting involved in an intimate relationship. 1.00

01:56:00.000 And it might inhibit you from getting closer to somebody.

01:56:04.000 Because you might think, hey, if this guy, if I get serious with him, and he starts telling me what to do, that I can't do this, I'm going to miss out on, like, I heard as a girl that someone knows who's making 10,000 a month.

01:56:17.000 I know someone who's making a lot more than that.

01:56:19.000 Really?

01:56:20.000 A lot more.

01:56:21.000 Really?

01:56:21.000 There's people making 10,000 a week.

01:56:24.000 Really?

01:56:25.000 Yeah, that's no joke.

01:56:26.000 10,000 a week?

01:56:27.000 Yes.

01:56:27.000 There's comics that I know.

01:56:30.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:56:30.000 Not a lot, but there are some female comics where I have seen their pussy on numerous occasions, and then I go on shows with them, and I'm like, I've seen her pussy. 1.00

01:56:38.000 Like, it feels weird. 0.99

01:56:39.000 On OnlyFans?

01:56:40.000 Yes.

01:56:40.000 Yeah.

01:56:41.000 So I don't want to have seen her.

01:56:43.000 So you subscribe.

01:56:43.000 No.

01:56:44.000 You pay for it.

01:56:44.000 We don't want to.

01:56:45.000 I don't.

01:56:45.000 I've never seen it.

01:56:46.000 You're looking for it.

01:56:48.000 No, I'm...

01:56:49.000 Meaning, I... It is hot.

01:56:57.000 I'm not going to lie.

01:56:58.000 It's hot.

01:56:59.000 But I do feel weird that I'm like on shows with...

01:57:05.000 Yeah, it does feel weird.

01:57:07.000 I'm not, because I'm not a guy.

01:57:09.000 I mean, I'm gay, but I'm not a guy.

01:57:11.000 Right. 0.97

01:57:12.000 So, I mean, I am gross. 0.99

01:57:13.000 I love porn, and I'm disgusting. 0.98

01:57:16.000 But it is different for me as a woman. 0.99

01:57:20.000 Like, I don't love being on a show with someone where I'm, like, picturing, because I am picturing that. 1.00

01:57:24.000 So I am male that way where I'm just thinking about their pussy the whole time. 1.00

01:57:27.000 And when they're showing you their pussy, is it in an artistic way? 1.00

01:57:31.000 Well, I'm not. 0.99

01:57:31.000 Like, they're not showing me I've seen pictures and videos because someone showed me. 0.99

01:57:36.000 Right, right.

01:57:36.000 But what I'm saying, when they're showing that.

01:57:38.000 Right. 1.00

01:57:38.000 They're fucking themselves with a dildo or showing their asshole and stuff like that. 1.00

01:57:44.000 So they're not getting fucked and stuff. 1.00

01:57:46.000 They're doing stuff to themselves, which is even more like, whoa. 0.98

01:57:50.000 It's all weird.

01:57:51.000 And then they're doing comedy. 1.00

01:57:53.000 So I'm like, I'm watching their set and I'm picturing them fucking themselves with a dildo, not listening to one joke. 1.00

01:57:59.000 Not the only one, right? 1.00

01:58:01.000 Every comic, every male comic that's watching them is picturing the exact same thing.

01:58:06.000 And so are you getting these images and videos from someone sending them to you?

01:58:11.000 Yeah, male comics show me everything. 0.99

01:58:13.000 So male comics that are on the road are constantly showing me women they fuck. 1.00

01:58:18.000 Oh boy. 0.99

01:58:19.000 They're showing me pictures they get because they think I'm a guy.

01:58:22.000 They see me as a guy. 1.00

01:58:23.000 So they're always like, hey Jess, check out this fucking pussy this woman just sent me or whatever. 1.00

01:58:29.000 And a lot of times, or they'll be like, should I fuck this girl? 1.00

01:58:32.000 Look what she looks like. 1.00

01:58:33.000 And I'll be like, oh my god, you should totally fuck her. 1.00

01:58:35.000 Like, I'm very much like I, you know, bro out with guys like that. 0.99

01:58:39.000 But I always feel weird because I'm also friends with so many female comics.

01:58:44.000 So I kind of don't want to see... 0.99

01:58:45.000 Their pussies. 1.00

01:58:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:47.000 Yeah, I get it.

01:58:47.000 Yeah.

01:58:48.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:50.000 Well, I just got to put that out there.

01:58:51.000 Say, hey, those road skanks, bring them over. 1.00

01:58:55.000 Yeah, those I don't care about.

01:58:56.000 Those chicks that I have to do shows with? 1.00

01:58:58.000 Yeah.

01:58:59.000 Yeah, I don't really want to...

01:59:00.000 It'll inhibit our conversations.

01:59:02.000 Yeah, I don't really want to see... 1.00

01:59:05.000 But the thing is, it's like, if you had to choose between waitressing for like $100 a night or showing your pussy for $100,000 a month. 1.00

01:59:16.000 Show the puss. 1.00

01:59:16.000 Show it. 1.00

01:59:17.000 Yeah.

01:59:18.000 Like, what are you going to do?

01:59:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:19.000 You can get $100,000 a month showing your pussy, you're going to say no? 1.00

01:59:22.000 But that's my question about like a relationship. 1.00

01:59:25.000 Like, if you're one of those girls that does that, I mean, I guess the guy just has to accept it.

01:59:30.000 Yeah, or don't be with her.

01:59:32.000 Yeah, or don't be with her.

01:59:33.000 But the thing is, maybe there's a guy that's right for you, but he's going to have a problem with that, and you're not going to want to do anything about it, because it's so much money.

01:59:42.000 I mean, that's a lot.

01:59:44.000 Some of these women make so much money, it's insane. 1.00

01:59:49.000 Yeah, which I'm for.

01:59:50.000 I'm not against this.

01:59:51.000 I'm not either.

01:59:52.000 I'm just putting it out there.

01:59:53.000 I'm just saying that's a situation.

01:59:56.000 I've never been against that.

01:59:57.000 It's also a situation with work, right?

01:59:59.000 I read about this one teacher.

02:00:01.000 She got fired from a job because they found out that she had an OnlyFans page.

02:00:05.000 And I'm like, huh.

02:00:09.000 That's a difficult one.

02:00:11.000 Yeah.

02:00:12.000 What do you do about that?

02:00:13.000 Should you be allowed to?

02:00:14.000 But like what if you work somewhere and then it becomes an issue?

02:00:18.000 Like what if you didn't tell anybody?

02:00:20.000 What if you have an OnlyFans page under a pseudonym and then you work somewhere and then it gets revealed that you have this OnlyFans page and then all the guys start getting your videos.

02:00:31.000 So the culture and the environment at work becomes weird.

02:00:34.000 Right.

02:00:35.000 I don't know about that.

02:00:37.000 If you're a teacher...

02:00:39.000 Right.

02:00:39.000 If you're a teacher, a teacher's kind of weird because there's kids involved.

02:00:43.000 Right.

02:00:43.000 There's development.

02:00:44.000 But even then, I'm like, hmm, why is that?

02:00:47.000 I remember one teacher got outed as a former porn star and she got fired.

02:00:52.000 They found out that she had done porn in the past.

02:00:54.000 That's different.

02:00:55.000 That's in the past.

02:00:57.000 Yeah, but you can still watch it.

02:00:59.000 That's the problem.

02:01:00.000 Everything is online.

02:01:03.000 So it's all available.

02:01:04.000 So if you used to love to get stuffed on camera.

02:01:10.000 Stuffed.

02:01:10.000 I love that term.

02:01:11.000 All of your fucking students don't want to respect you because they're dehydrated from jerking off to you all night. 1.00

02:01:19.000 You're in detention. 1.00

02:01:19.000 They'll be like, oh, good. 1.00

02:01:21.000 Can't wait to go to detention. 0.99

02:01:22.000 Probably the entire class is jerked off to you. 0.99

02:01:26.000 Right? 1.00

02:01:27.000 If you're a hot teacher that did a porn, every guy watched it. 0.99

02:01:30.000 Oh, it's so great having a hot teacher. 0.99

02:01:32.000 Oh my God.

02:01:33.000 It's like the greatest fantasy a man has ever known.

02:01:36.000 There's hot teachers in college and in high school.

02:01:39.000 High school?

02:01:40.000 Yeah.

02:01:41.000 Even middle school.

02:01:43.000 Hot professor with glasses.

02:01:44.000 Oh my God, that's my...

02:01:46.000 Especially if she dresses you down in front of the whole class and you get to apologize to her. 0.94

02:01:51.000 I just came.

02:01:52.000 My...

02:01:57.000 My biggest...

02:01:58.000 You're a bad boy, Bradley.

02:01:59.000 My biggest fantasy is that...

02:02:02.000 is probably like a teacher. 1.00

02:02:04.000 That whole fucking teacher thing with the glasses and the... 1.00

02:02:07.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:02:08.000 That's the biggest one?

02:02:10.000 That's a big one.

02:02:12.000 It's right up there.

02:02:12.000 Yeah.

02:02:13.000 Like the white button-down shirt, the whole fucking, oh my god. 0.99

02:02:17.000 Yeah, it's like for guys, it's like a lawyer. 0.99

02:02:19.000 Like a Catholic school thing.

02:02:19.000 Teacher, lawyer.

02:02:20.000 Yeah.

02:02:21.000 Lawyer, the whole thing.

02:02:22.000 That's mine.

02:02:23.000 It's also like a person in a position of authority.

02:02:26.000 Yeah.

02:02:28.000 Pantsuit or a, yeah. 1.00

02:02:29.000 Like if Kamala Harris started doing porn. 1.00

02:02:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:02:34.000 Well...

02:02:37.000 You like that?

02:02:38.000 No, I don't.

02:02:39.000 But you know what kind of OnlyFans interaction she would have? 0.93

02:02:42.000 What?

02:02:42.000 Probably pretty strong.

02:02:44.000 Yeah.

02:02:45.000 Oh, she would have a... 0.99

02:02:46.000 Yeah.

02:02:47.000 Who's the biggest earner on OnlyFans?

02:02:50.000 I don't know.

02:02:51.000 Black China. 0.93

02:02:52.000 Black... 1.00

02:02:53.000 What?

02:02:55.000 $20 million a month.

02:02:57.000 Oh! 0.60

02:02:58.000 What did you say?

02:02:59.000 Do you understand how much money that is?

02:03:01.000 Hold on a second.

02:03:01.000 Can I see a picture of her?

02:03:03.000 Hold on a second.

02:03:05.000 This is the lady that's suing Kim Kardashian because she supposedly got her reality show. 1.00

02:03:12.000 There was some shit with, you know, because she had a baby with Rob. 0.99

02:03:16.000 That one. 0.99

02:03:16.000 She makes $20 million a month. 0.99

02:03:18.000 So, like, I'm looking through this.

02:03:21.000 That's what I'm talking about.

02:03:23.000 These women make so much money. 1.00

02:03:25.000 That's so much money.

02:03:26.000 I know.

02:03:27.000 I'm telling you.

02:03:29.000 It's insane how much money these women make. 1.00

02:03:32.000 How is that possible?

02:03:33.000 Everyone on this list is like the top 15 earners on there.

02:03:36.000 They're all celebrities, but they maybe made that amount one time in a month.

02:03:40.000 And then something changed with all of their accounts, it seems like.

02:03:43.000 It's like Bella Thorne is number two.

02:03:44.000 She says she's making $11 million a month.

02:03:46.000 But now her account is free.

02:03:48.000 So you can't be making that money off of free stuff.

02:03:51.000 Well, right.

02:03:52.000 But they have like...

02:03:56.000 Who is Bella Thorne? 0.97

02:03:58.000 What does she do? 1.00

02:03:59.000 Actress, I think.

02:04:00.000 Cardi B. Cardi B makes nine billion bucks a month.

02:04:03.000 Look, monthly subscription, five dollars.

02:04:05.000 She only ever posted six times.

02:04:08.000 Oh, she's only posted six times.

02:04:10.000 She made 81 million subscribers.

02:04:13.000 81 million.

02:04:16.000 Tyga, rapper.

02:04:17.000 Oh my god.

02:04:18.000 He was posting, like, it says behind the scenes footage.

02:04:22.000 Seven million dollars a month. 0.99

02:04:23.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:04:24.000 But he deleted his account to go to a competitor or something, which, I don't know. 0.99

02:04:28.000 Wow. 1.00

02:04:29.000 But look at that shit, though. 1.00

02:04:30.000 $20 for a month. 1.00

02:04:32.000 He costs more than Netflix. 0.99

02:04:35.000 And you get to see, like, behind-the-scenes shit, and he was making seven million bucks a month. 1.00

02:04:39.000 That's crazy. 0.99

02:04:42.000 Okay, hold on.

02:04:43.000 Who's Erykah Mina? 0.99

02:04:43.000 Mia Khalifa. 0.99

02:04:44.000 Okay.

02:04:46.000 Erykah Mina. 1.00

02:04:47.000 They're making a lot of fucking money. 1.00

02:04:48.000 Who are these people? 1.00

02:04:49.000 Yeah, a few people have no idea who they are.

02:04:50.000 Yeah.

02:04:51.000 So go to number one.

02:04:52.000 Go to the number one.

02:04:53.000 That was Blac Chyna.

02:04:53.000 Yeah, I want to see it.

02:04:55.000 So this is what's insane.

02:04:57.000 So she charges $19.99.

02:04:58.000 I like how she's like a business person.

02:05:00.000 I know, me too.

02:05:01.000 I'm not going to charge $20.

02:05:02.000 I'm going to charge $19.99.

02:05:03.000 33 years old, too.

02:05:05.000 She's made 155 posts.

02:05:08.000 That's a lot of posts.

02:05:08.000 And amassed around...

02:05:09.000 How many likes on her only translation?

02:05:12.000 She has 18 million Instagram followers.

02:05:14.000 Some of the numbers don't add up to that number at 20 million, which I'm like, okay, well, that's fine.

02:05:21.000 She has risen to the top of the list in terms of earnings on OnlyFans.

02:05:26.000 Is she hot? 1.00

02:05:27.000 What does she look like? 0.94

02:05:28.000 She has to be hot. 1.00

02:05:29.000 She was a stripper, right? 1.00

02:05:31.000 Maybe.

02:05:31.000 I mean, she's not unattractive, right?

02:05:36.000 I couldn't pick her out of a lineup.

02:05:38.000 Can we see a picture of her?

02:05:39.000 She's balling out of control, though. 1.00

02:05:42.000 Oh, she looks great there. 0.90

02:05:44.000 Is that really what she looks like? 1.00

02:05:45.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00

02:05:47.000 I mean, that's not hot. 1.00

02:05:49.000 That's a different one.

02:05:50.000 Okay.

02:05:51.000 Okay. 0.99

02:05:53.000 That's why it's so hard to tell with these goddamn pictures. 1.00

02:05:56.000 Point is, I would assume she does some sick shit on there. 1.00

02:06:01.000 Well, she might look totally different within a year now. 1.00

02:06:05.000 But it depends what she's doing on there, too.

02:06:07.000 What are you trying to say, Mom?

02:06:12.000 If she's doing some interesting things on there, she's going to get more people to watch.

02:06:17.000 Foot Freak Mondays.

02:06:19.000 Fans only.

02:06:21.000 Link in bio.

02:06:22.000 See? 0.98

02:06:22.000 Like if she's doing foot shit and... 0.98

02:06:26.000 Foot shit's where the money's at? 1.00

02:06:27.000 A lot of people are gonna subscribe to see some shit with your feet. 1.00

02:06:31.000 How weird is that? 1.00

02:06:34.000 Do you get it?

02:06:35.000 No.

02:06:35.000 I don't either.

02:06:36.000 Not really.

02:06:37.000 I mean, pretty feet are hot. 1.00

02:06:40.000 They are hot.

02:06:41.000 I love pretty feet.

02:06:43.000 But I don't get where people jerk off their feet.

02:06:47.000 Obsessed.

02:06:47.000 I've had people ask me for pictures of my feet.

02:06:51.000 I have nice feet, but it's crazy.

02:06:54.000 I found a magazine with my friends in the woods when we were like 13, and it was Foot Action magazine.

02:07:01.000 Really?

02:07:02.000 Yeah, I talk about it on stage sometimes.

02:07:03.000 That is so funny.

02:07:05.000 It really happened.

02:07:05.000 Yeah, we found these This was like a bag that someone had stashed in the woods of porns.

02:07:13.000 Because that's where you'd find porn when I was a kid.

02:07:16.000 You'd find it in the forest.

02:07:17.000 Because it was usually some sad married guy who had to go hide in the woods and he had a stash of porn.

02:07:23.000 But this really did happen.

02:07:25.000 That's amazing. 0.99

02:07:26.000 We're going through this fucking magazine and we realized somewhere in the magazine that it's like a fetish magazine. 0.99

02:07:35.000 It looked just like it didn't make any sense. 0.99

02:07:39.000 It's like, where's the sex?

02:07:40.000 What's happening here? 1.00

02:07:42.000 It got to the end of the magazine and my friend goes, dude, that shit was all just dicks and feet. 1.00

02:07:51.000 And you were 13. That must have been so weird. 1.00

02:07:54.000 I might have been younger.

02:07:55.000 I might have been younger.

02:07:56.000 Because I was living in Florida at the time.

02:07:59.000 And that was between 11 and 13 I lived in Florida.

02:08:03.000 And we found that magazine.

02:08:05.000 I know.

02:08:05.000 I mean, of course.

02:08:07.000 We know comics who are obsessed with feet.

02:08:09.000 Yeah.

02:08:10.000 I do.

02:08:11.000 Fitzsimmons is obsessed with feet.

02:08:12.000 He is.

02:08:13.000 Yeah.

02:08:13.000 He told me that.

02:08:14.000 He gets worried about it.

02:08:15.000 He starts sweating.

02:08:16.000 Yeah, I know.

02:08:17.000 He loves feet.

02:08:18.000 Yeah.

02:08:21.000 He does.

02:08:22.000 That's so funny.

02:08:23.000 I know that.

02:08:24.000 Yep.

02:08:25.000 He's like, yeah.

02:08:26.000 But he's open about it.

02:08:28.000 Like, it's out there.

02:08:29.000 Yep.

02:08:30.000 Yep.

02:08:30.000 Do girls have a thing?

02:08:32.000 Like, a similar thing?

02:08:35.000 I'm trying to think.

02:08:39.000 Like, a weird thing.

02:08:40.000 I mean, girls love hands. 1.00

02:08:42.000 Hands.

02:08:44.000 Yeah?

02:08:44.000 With men.

02:08:45.000 I'm trying to think of what...

02:08:48.000 What else? 0.95

02:08:49.000 I mean, I have a couple of friends who love men's thighs. 1.00

02:08:54.000 Thighs. 0.87

02:08:55.000 Yeah.

02:08:55.000 Like a big thigh.

02:08:57.000 I know.

02:09:00.000 I get that, though.

02:09:01.000 Yeah?

02:09:02.000 Yeah.

02:09:04.000 Trying to think of what else.

02:09:07.000 But women love men's hands. 1.00

02:09:09.000 Hands.

02:09:10.000 Yeah.

02:09:10.000 Like if you're thinking of like, not feet.

02:09:13.000 Yeah.

02:09:14.000 It's not a thing for women. 1.00

02:09:16.000 No, weird.

02:09:17.000 At all.

02:09:18.000 At all.

02:09:19.000 It's like gross.

02:09:20.000 Gross. 0.79

02:09:21.000 Gross. 0.99

02:09:22.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:09:22.000 It's interesting. 0.95

02:09:25.000 Yeah.

02:09:26.000 Like, what about people is attractive is very interesting because we know what it is.

02:09:34.000 We know what an attractive person is.

02:09:35.000 And it's normal.

02:09:37.000 We're accustomed to it.

02:09:39.000 But if you weren't a human and you were watching humans from afar and you were like some other life form, you're like, look at how arbitrary it is.

02:09:47.000 Like, what they decide is attractive. 0.99

02:09:48.000 Like, why is this shit attractive? 0.99

02:09:51.000 Why is fake eyelashes? 0.99

02:09:53.000 I just was thinking about that recently.

02:09:55.000 Where it gets crazy?

02:09:56.000 Where they look like spiders growing out of your eyes?

02:09:58.000 I was thinking, I'm not kidding.

02:09:59.000 I was like, why are certain things attractive?

02:10:02.000 Yeah, it's weird.

02:10:03.000 Because there have been studies about this.

02:10:04.000 Yes, I'm sure.

02:10:05.000 Why certain body, like on our face?

02:10:08.000 Yeah.

02:10:09.000 Why certain features are, like why are thick eyebrows important?

02:10:13.000 Right, why is that?

02:10:14.000 And it didn't used to be for a while.

02:10:15.000 Remember girls would pluck them and they got them down to like thin little pencil lines. 1.00

02:10:19.000 And then they went back to big bushy eyebrows.

02:10:21.000 Right.

02:10:22.000 And why are thick lips?

02:10:23.000 Or why are certain noses?

02:10:25.000 That one's easy. 1.00

02:10:26.000 Oh, for dick? 1.00

02:10:27.000 Dick and kissing. 1.00

02:10:28.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.99

02:10:31.000 Thick lips are a sign of vitality.

02:10:34.000 You're juicy.

02:10:35.000 There's a lot going on with you.

02:10:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:40.000 And also for sucking dick. 1.00

02:10:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:42.000 Or long eyelashes.

02:10:44.000 Yeah, the eyelashes thing is strange to me.

02:10:46.000 And eyeliner is strange because it's so fake.

02:10:49.000 But it's so prevalent.

02:10:51.000 It's universally adopted.

02:10:53.000 Like eyeliner, lipstick.

02:10:55.000 Like why cheekbones on a woman? 1.00

02:10:57.000 Why is it so...

02:10:58.000 And not like a full face.

02:10:59.000 I mean, really.

02:11:01.000 I guess it's like a thing where you're looking for symmetry and the symmetry is present, which means like it's a...

02:11:08.000 Great representation genetically, but it's strange that we give a fuck about that so much, but that's like there's a root of sexual attraction like Obviously people have types like some people like thin people some people like big people people like all kinds of different heights and All kinds of different hair colors.

02:11:25.000 That's normal. 0.82

02:11:25.000 That's interesting too. 0.82

02:11:26.000 That is interesting But there's a there's a general attractive shape from women. 1.00

02:11:32.000 Yes Definitely.

02:11:34.000 It seems to indicate that a woman is more fertile and that a woman is better suited to have children. 0.98

02:11:41.000 Yes.

02:11:42.000 Just overall. 0.99

02:11:43.000 Wide hips, large boobs. 0.99

02:11:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:11:45.000 Big butt. 1.00

02:11:46.000 Yep. 0.99

02:11:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:11:48.000 It's a genetic thing, but the lipstick isn't, the makeup isn't, the fucking eyeshadow isn't. 0.98

02:11:55.000 That's all weird. 0.81

02:11:56.000 I think part of that is from society and media and- Oh, for sure, but what's the root of it?

02:12:02.000 I know.

02:12:04.000 I don't know.

02:12:05.000 But what's the root of it?

02:12:06.000 It's for sure from media, for sure.

02:12:08.000 But it's fascinating that it's so adopted that it's pretty much universal.

02:12:14.000 Like for a girl to walk around with no makeup on, that's a big flex. 1.00

02:12:18.000 Like for a really hot girl that has no makeup on, like she's so hot she doesn't even have to wear makeup. 0.98

02:12:24.000 I love that though.

02:12:26.000 Yeah.

02:12:27.000 But isn't that amazing?

02:12:30.000 It's so prevalent that people wear makeup that when someone doesn't, it's like, wow, she's so bold.

02:12:35.000 You know, like girls would take photos and put on their Instagram, no filter. 0.93

02:12:39.000 I know.

02:12:40.000 No filter.

02:12:41.000 Hashtag no filter.

02:12:43.000 That's what it really looked like.

02:12:44.000 Yeah.

02:12:44.000 So you know, she's so hot, she could show you her real face.

02:12:49.000 A real face.

02:12:50.000 I know, it's true.

02:12:51.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

02:12:52.000 It's gotten crazy.

02:12:54.000 These people who have so many filters and so much, I find that so unattractive.

02:13:00.000 It's weird.

02:13:00.000 I really don't, I'm not attracted to that at all.

02:13:04.000 Yeah.

02:13:06.000 The filler thing is strange.

02:13:08.000 Yeah, it really is.

02:13:10.000 Because you can get to a point where you look like you got stung by bees.

02:13:14.000 It's bad.

02:13:14.000 I mean, some people look really insane now.

02:13:16.000 It's gotten really bad.

02:13:18.000 But how many people look good and you just don't know about it?

02:13:21.000 What do you mean by that?

02:13:22.000 How many people are doing it the right way?

02:13:25.000 Is that a large number?

02:13:28.000 No.

02:13:28.000 I think most people are doing it the wrong way and getting too much done.

02:13:33.000 That gets very addictive.

02:13:35.000 The whole surgery, all the procedures.

02:13:38.000 It's not good.

02:13:41.000 In my opinion.

02:13:43.000 Yeah, well, body dysmorphia is real.

02:13:45.000 It's bad.

02:13:46.000 Yeah, it's real. 0.94

02:13:47.000 And we've all seen people with crazy fat lips.

02:13:50.000 Oh, this thing Jamie sent me. 1.00

02:13:53.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:13:54.000 He sent me this last night. 1.00

02:13:57.000 What?

02:13:58.000 No mornings.

02:13:59.000 He just sends me this.

02:14:03.000 Out of nowhere.

02:14:05.000 Just living my life.

02:14:06.000 He sends me this.

02:14:08.000 So here we are.

02:14:09.000 Some woman on the beach.

02:14:19.000 Is that the craziest thing you've ever seen in your life?

02:14:23.000 What it is, is a woman who has... 0.99

02:14:25.000 You know how you see a woman who has fake boobs and they seem preposterous? 1.00

02:14:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:30.000 Well, this woman has done that with her butt. 1.00

02:14:32.000 And it's so crazy that it looks... 1.00

02:14:37.000 She has a table.

02:14:38.000 It sticks so far out. 1.00

02:14:39.000 You could have a whole meal on her ass. 1.00

02:14:43.000 You know what's weird? 1.00

02:14:43.000 It's like when you're looking at her, she's obviously like very strong. 1.00

02:14:47.000 Like that lady is- She looks like a bodybuilder. 1.00

02:14:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:49.000 I bet if she didn't have a fake ass, her ass would be incredible. 1.00

02:14:54.000 But she just went crazy and stuffed whatever's in there. 1.00

02:14:58.000 That looks like, I guess they use implants, which is so crazy because then you're thinking of like, what kind of implants?

02:15:04.000 Like, what's it made out of?

02:15:05.000 You have to sit on it all the time?

02:15:07.000 So you're sitting on your implant all the time?

02:15:10.000 Because that's not a fat thing.

02:15:12.000 She doesn't have any fat. 1.00

02:15:13.000 That doesn't look fat. 0.93

02:15:14.000 She has no fat on her butt. 1.00

02:15:15.000 I mean, she has a tiny, tiny bit of fat. 1.00

02:15:17.000 She looks jacked. 0.99

02:15:19.000 Jacked. 1.00

02:15:20.000 With a big ol' fake butt. 1.00

02:15:22.000 So that's a sickness. 1.00

02:15:23.000 Yes.

02:15:24.000 Because that's insane what we just looked at.

02:15:27.000 She has two of your head. 1.00

02:15:29.000 Yeah, she has two of my heads. 0.87

02:15:31.000 Bigger.

02:15:31.000 Yeah, bigger than my head, one on each butt cheek.

02:15:33.000 Right.

02:15:34.000 That's sad. 0.99

02:15:35.000 If that was my daughter, I'd be so fucking depressed. 0.98

02:15:38.000 To me, it's incredibly sad. 0.98

02:15:41.000 Because something's horribly wrong with her that she had to do that.

02:15:45.000 Do you think it starts out with a little bit of this, a little bit of that?

02:15:48.000 Yes.

02:15:48.000 Yeah.

02:15:49.000 Because her face, she probably had a lot done to her face. 0.86

02:15:53.000 Right.

02:15:54.000 She looks very angry. 1.00

02:15:56.000 This fucking lip thing. 1.00

02:15:57.000 So she probably had a lot done to her face. 0.99

02:16:00.000 And then she said, oh, let me get this done.

02:16:02.000 Let me get that done. 1.00

02:16:03.000 And then she started with her ass. 1.00

02:16:05.000 But that was, she looked like everyone that looks at her is pointing her out and laughing and shocked. 1.00

02:16:12.000 Yeah, I don't think she understands that.

02:16:14.000 And she still doesn't probably think she looks good.

02:16:17.000 I think one of the things that happened with this generation of reality TV stars is you got to see some really positive plastic surgery stories.

02:16:28.000 Fortunately or unfortunately, right?

02:16:30.000 Maybe they just got better at it.

02:16:32.000 But was it Kylie?

02:16:35.000 Is she the one who had a lot of stuff done?

02:16:38.000 I can never remember.

02:16:39.000 One of them had a big wide face.

02:16:41.000 Mm-hmm.

02:16:42.000 And they shrunk it down and changed her. 0.99

02:16:44.000 They did so much to her.

02:16:45.000 You look at her now, she's stunning.

02:16:48.000 I don't know which one to.

02:16:50.000 I'm so confused.

02:16:52.000 Is that?

02:16:52.000 Yeah.

02:16:53.000 They changed her face.

02:16:55.000 And so people see that and they go, oh, well, look, that's better.

02:16:58.000 And they go, well, it definitely works.

02:17:00.000 You should just go to a good doctor, I guess.

02:17:03.000 Mm-hmm.

02:17:06.000 I'd be so scared to get all that done.

02:17:08.000 I mean, even if you go to a great doctor.

02:17:10.000 I feel like a lot of men are getting stuff done now, too.

02:17:13.000 I'm sure they are.

02:17:14.000 Like famous guys.

02:17:16.000 Like face stuff?

02:17:17.000 Yes.

02:17:18.000 Yeah.

02:17:19.000 Well, people get scared of changing, you know.

02:17:23.000 Gravity wins.

02:17:24.000 You start getting little jowls.

02:17:27.000 Maybe I'll just tighten this up right here.

02:17:29.000 I know, but what if they fuck it up?

02:17:30.000 Has Elon Musk gotten stuff done?

02:17:33.000 We just were talking about him.

02:17:34.000 I mean, his face looks...

02:17:35.000 He just eats a lot. 0.99

02:17:37.000 No, he fucking sleeps three hours a night. 0.99

02:17:40.000 He's got five different jobs he's working simultaneously. 0.99

02:17:43.000 Right.

02:17:44.000 He parties a little bit.

02:17:45.000 Okay.

02:17:46.000 The guy is probably not capable of being as healthy as he'd like to be.

02:17:52.000 Right.

02:17:53.000 I get it.

02:17:54.000 Because he's just so busy. 0.93

02:17:55.000 Do you know how many fucking literal society-changing enterprises that guy's involved in and now another one with reforming Twitter? 0.95

02:18:04.000 I know. 0.99

02:18:05.000 I guess it is from just being a fucking workaholic and not sleeping. 1.00

02:18:11.000 He doesn't sleep. 1.00

02:18:11.000 He sleeps like on a couch sometimes. 1.00

02:18:13.000 Right.

02:18:14.000 He doesn't even have a house.

02:18:15.000 Really?

02:18:16.000 He sleeps in other people's houses.

02:18:18.000 Are you kidding me?

02:18:19.000 No, I'm not kidding you.

02:18:20.000 That's insane. 0.99

02:18:21.000 Oh, he's insane. 1.00

02:18:23.000 Yeah, he could buy whatever fucking house he wants. 1.00

02:18:25.000 But he's like, oh. 1.00

02:18:27.000 He told me it was an attack vector.

02:18:29.000 It's an attack vector.

02:18:31.000 I'm like, okay, I guess it is. 1.00

02:18:32.000 If you're a billionaire and you don't even own a fucking house, what are they going to say? 1.00

02:18:37.000 Like, oh, look at you in your fucking mansion. 1.00

02:18:39.000 I don't own a mansion. 1.00

02:18:41.000 And then they got to go, oh, fuck. 1.00

02:18:45.000 He's very wise in that regard. 1.00

02:18:46.000 Yeah.

02:18:47.000 Because it is really an attack vector.

02:18:48.000 And if he really does stay at other people's houses, when he really does do that, That's so fascinating to me.

02:18:56.000 Sometimes he stays in this little tiny $50,000 house.

02:19:00.000 He has a little tiny house over by where his rocket factory is, and he stays in this little tiny house.

02:19:08.000 Yeah.

02:19:09.000 It's wild!

02:19:11.000 But hey, you know, he's Elon Musk. 0.99

02:19:15.000 He can do whatever the fuck he wants. 0.96

02:19:18.000 He is our generation's super genius. 0.98

02:19:22.000 He's our generation's radical, transformative super genius.

02:19:27.000 He's doing groundbreaking work in four different industries simultaneously.

02:19:35.000 Very strange.

02:19:36.000 There's no one like that that's ever really existed before that was very public, speaks a lot, and then with social media, tweets, memes.

02:19:46.000 Did you see what he tweeted about Bill Gates?

02:19:48.000 Let me see.

02:19:50.000 I don't know.

02:19:50.000 First of all, him and Bill Gates got into it because Bill Gates shorted Tesla stock.

02:19:54.000 And so Bill Gates reached out to him and talked to him about philanthropy.

02:19:59.000 And you could tell it's probably real because it's a text message.

02:20:05.000 It's green text from Bill Gates. 0.99

02:20:07.000 So Bill Gates is not going to own a fucking iPhone, right? 0.99

02:20:10.000 Bill Gates hates Apple. 0.99

02:20:12.000 So he probably uses an Android.

02:20:13.000 And he says, are you still shorting Tesla stock?

02:20:18.000 And Bill Gates says, unfortunately, yes, but I want to talk to you about philanthropy.

02:20:24.000 And he goes, I can't take any of your advice about climate change seriously.

02:20:29.000 When you're shorting Tesla, a company is doing the most to affect climate change.

02:20:34.000 Oh my god.

02:20:36.000 Yeah, which is true.

02:20:37.000 I mean, he's revolutionized the electric automobile business.

02:20:41.000 Revolutionized it.

02:20:42.000 He talked about emissions, like changing emissions.

02:20:45.000 Revolutionized it.

02:20:47.000 And they're superior to anything that is an internal combustion engine car.

02:20:52.000 Have you ever driven a Tesla?

02:20:53.000 Never. 0.99

02:20:53.000 It's fucking preposterously good. 0.99

02:20:55.000 They're so fast. 0.99

02:20:56.000 It's great.

02:20:57.000 I'm sure.

02:20:58.000 It is like a ride.

02:21:00.000 Like a roller coaster.

02:21:02.000 And they drive themselves. 1.00

02:21:04.000 The fucking... 1.00

02:21:05.000 The handling of everything is fantastic. 1.00

02:21:08.000 The audio quality.

02:21:09.000 The comfort level.

02:21:11.000 It's an amazing car. 1.00

02:21:12.000 So his position was like, that Bill Gates is like, go fuck yourself, right? 1.00

02:21:16.000 So then he tweets this after this conversation. 1.00

02:21:19.000 That is...

02:21:20.000 No, go all the way back so you can see the actual tweet.

02:21:23.000 Oh, in case you need to lose a boner fast, it says up there.

02:21:26.000 So this is what he tweets.

02:21:28.000 That is hysterical.

02:21:31.000 I mean, come on. 1.00

02:21:33.000 Who the fuck does that? 1.00

02:21:34.000 Look at Bill Gates. 1.00

02:21:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:37.000 Well, he's eating all those fucking plant burgers. 0.99

02:21:42.000 He's trying to tell the world they have to switch over to plant-based meat. 1.00

02:21:44.000 Hey, buddy, that shit's not good for you. 1.00

02:21:47.000 You're eating a bunch of seed oils and your gut's inflamed. 1.00

02:21:51.000 It's so bad.

02:21:53.000 For that guy to be talking to anybody about health, stop!

02:21:56.000 This is insanity.

02:21:58.000 You can't do that.

02:22:00.000 You can't look like that and talk about health.

02:22:02.000 After that text? 0.90

02:22:03.000 That is morbidly obese.

02:22:06.000 That kind of gut, when you have a gut like that, and you're in your 60s, late 60s, those are the guys that have heart attacks.

02:22:14.000 For real, why are you laughing?

02:22:15.000 Because of the picture.

02:22:17.000 The picture is incredible.

02:22:18.000 That's his gut.

02:22:19.000 He's got a big gut.

02:22:21.000 Yeah.

02:22:23.000 He's not accurate either.

02:22:25.000 That's not true.

02:22:26.000 He also has a vested interest in saying this because he owns more farmland than anyone in the country.

02:22:32.000 He does?

02:22:33.000 Bill Gates owns a shitload of farmland.

02:22:35.000 And I would assume that he's going to use that farmland to grow plant-based burgers.

02:22:43.000 I haven't had one.

02:22:44.000 Oh, I did have one.

02:22:44.000 I did have one.

02:22:45.000 My friend CK brought it when we were doing, when Dave Chappelle and I were doing shows at Stubbs, he brought these burgers backstage and some of them were plant-based burgers and I tried one.

02:22:56.000 Did you like it?

02:22:57.000 It's hard to tell because it was like mixed up with sauce and lettuce and it was okay.

02:23:03.000 It was okay.

02:23:03.000 I mean, they made something that is a reasonable facsimile of meat, you know.

02:23:10.000 I know. 0.99

02:23:10.000 There's always a ton of other shit on it. 0.99

02:23:13.000 Do you know there's a company that's cloning tiger meat and they're going to sell tiger steaks to restaurants? 0.99

02:23:22.000 Are you serious?

02:23:23.000 They're 3D printing tiger meat and a bunch of other exotic, illegal to eat animals.

02:23:30.000 They're going to take their tissue and they're 3D printed.

02:23:34.000 I don't understand.

02:23:35.000 I don't know what that means.

02:23:37.000 Exactly.

02:23:38.000 I'm neither.

02:23:39.000 I don't even know what you just said.

02:23:41.000 I'm just repeating words.

02:23:41.000 I'm repeating words that smart people say.

02:23:43.000 3D printing meat.

02:23:45.000 They're actually, and they have done this with beef, where they've actually concocted a combination of beef fat and beef muscle tissue and made a synthetic steak out of it.

02:23:55.000 So through some sort of a process of a replication of cells, they'll take a small amount of cells from animals and then they'll convert that into some sort of a petri dish slab of meat.

02:24:10.000 What?

02:24:11.000 Yeah.

02:24:12.000 Exactly.

02:24:14.000 Who's doing that?

02:24:16.000 Well, I know they've been trying to do that for a while with beef, but it's exorbitantly expensive.

02:24:21.000 Like, I think one steak is somewhere in the neighborhood of a couple hundred thousand dollars to create.

02:24:26.000 Right now.

02:24:27.000 Right now.

02:24:28.000 Right now.

02:24:29.000 Because they're experimenting and they haven't ramped up the scale of production to the point where they can mass produce and make it cheaper.

02:24:36.000 But this company apparently has some sort of tech.

02:24:39.000 But they might not, right? 1.00

02:24:41.000 It might just be morons like me. 1.00

02:24:43.000 They release a press release and it's all vaporware and then they get someone to invest and then they pump and dump. 1.00

02:24:48.000 That could be true too.

02:24:49.000 Wouldn't it be more expensive with tiger meat?

02:24:52.000 It depends where you get the tiger meat from.

02:24:55.000 If you get the tiger meat from India, I bet they kill tigers there all the time. 0.99

02:25:01.000 There's an area called the Sundarbans, and this is an area where I had a bit about it in my 2009 special, because there was one boat, I think it was like four guys in the boat and three of them were killed by tigers.

02:25:14.000 Where the tiger swam out to the boat, killed a guy, dragged him into the water, dropped him off at the beach, jumped back in the water, swam back out to the boat again, killed a guy.

02:25:24.000 Really?

02:25:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:25:26.000 They kill a lot of people out there.

02:25:28.000 They kill so many people out there that when they go to take surveys of them, they all carry rifles and they have these helmets on that are to protect the back of their neck because that's where they bite you.

02:25:38.000 They bite you in the back of the neck. 1.00

02:25:40.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:25:40.000 Helmets come down on the back of the neck and then they put a mask on the back of the helmet so a tiger would think it's a face because tigers want to attack you from behind. 0.99

02:25:51.000 How wild is that?

02:25:52.000 That's incredible.

02:25:54.000 My point is if you get your meat from there.

02:25:56.000 Here it is.

02:25:57.000 What does it say?

02:25:57.000 Primeval Foods holding tasting events for cultivated lion, tiger, and zebra meat in London and New York.

02:26:05.000 You can get zebra in Texas.

02:26:07.000 Don't impress me with zebra.

02:26:08.000 I live in Texas.

02:26:10.000 My wife saw a zebra.

02:26:12.000 Where?

02:26:12.000 She's driving home.

02:26:13.000 There's a wild zebra.

02:26:14.000 Are you kidding me?

02:26:15.000 Nope.

02:26:16.000 Nope.

02:26:17.000 A wild zebra?

02:26:19.000 She's coming back from Dripping Springs. 1.00

02:26:21.000 She saw a fucking zebra. 1.00

02:26:25.000 Because people just have zebras out here. 1.00

02:26:28.000 I've never heard that before.

02:26:30.000 Is that sushi? 0.73

02:26:31.000 My friend asked me to kill a zebra. 1.00

02:26:33.000 He's got an asshole zebra. 1.00

02:26:35.000 He said, will you kill my zebra? 1.00

02:26:36.000 Wait a second. 0.98

02:26:38.000 Back up.

02:26:39.000 I can't believe I just saw zebra sushi, number one.

02:26:43.000 Show me that again.

02:26:44.000 Is it raw? 1.00

02:26:46.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

02:26:47.000 Raw zebra. 1.00

02:26:47.000 Zebra sushi rolls. 1.00

02:26:49.000 100% cultivated.

02:26:50.000 So somebody had to shoot a zebra, I think, to get the meat, though.

02:26:54.000 It looks so well marketed. 0.82

02:26:56.000 It sounds like a troll, but I can't tell.

02:27:00.000 Well, I mean, if you're going to get people to talk about it, that's the way to do it.

02:27:04.000 Veganomics.

02:27:05.000 Is this all about vegan stuff?

02:27:06.000 I mean, I just found the press release about the event.

02:27:09.000 Well, if they find out that it's ethical and sustainable and then no animals have to die and you can eat meat and maintain health and nutrition, I wonder how healthy you get from eating tiger meat.

02:27:19.000 I need to ask you a quick question.

02:27:22.000 Why are there wild zebras in Texas?

02:27:25.000 Well, people in Texas are allowed to have domestic animals that are exotic.

02:27:32.000 Oh.

02:27:32.000 Like you can keep pets.

02:27:33.000 So someone just did what they did with the snake?

02:27:38.000 Like they just let go of a zebra?

02:27:39.000 Someone probably jumped a fence.

02:27:41.000 Oh.

02:27:41.000 They probably had a fence.

02:27:43.000 Something broke a hole through the fence and a zebra got out. 0.56

02:27:48.000 So one of your friends has a zebra on their property and wants you- He's killing the young zebras.

02:27:53.000 He's not a viable male anymore.

02:27:55.000 He's an older male.

02:27:56.000 Got it.

02:27:56.000 He's no longer sexually viable.

02:27:58.000 But when the cults are born, he kills the males. 0.99

02:28:01.000 Oh. 1.00

02:28:01.000 He's an asshole. 1.00

02:28:02.000 Yeah, so he'll go over to a young zebra and just stomp him to death. 1.00

02:28:06.000 Oh. 0.99

02:28:06.000 So he's got to try to figure out how to kill the zebra and he asked me to kill the zebra. 0.99

02:28:10.000 So he doesn't want to kill it? 1.00

02:28:13.000 Actually, he'd kill it. 0.97

02:28:15.000 He's just a friend. 1.00

02:28:16.000 He wanted me to kill it for him. 1.00

02:28:18.000 He thought it'd be fun if I killed a zebra. 1.00

02:28:19.000 Oh, I get it. 0.95

02:28:20.000 And I was going to eat it, too.

02:28:23.000 Because zebra meat is good to eat.

02:28:26.000 Even though it's weird because they look like horses, everybody that I know that has had zebra meat says it's actually delicious.

02:28:34.000 Wow.

02:28:35.000 Because it's a wild game animal, you know, essentially.

02:28:38.000 It's not much different.

02:28:40.000 But we think of them as horses because they're so close to horses. 0.99

02:28:43.000 It's a fucking beautiful animal. 1.00

02:28:45.000 Like, what a wild design. 1.00

02:28:47.000 And they know two have the same design, which is so...

02:28:50.000 And they think that design is sort of distract, like, because they're in herds, right?

02:28:55.000 They're in this big, giant group of them.

02:28:57.000 As they're running, it distracts animals where they hesitate and they can't figure out which one to go for.

02:29:02.000 Because they can't lock onto any one.

02:29:04.000 Right.

02:29:05.000 So interesting.

02:29:06.000 Wild colors.

02:29:07.000 It's not camouflaged in the sense that it hides them, but it confuses predators just long enough so they can run away.

02:29:15.000 Have you been to Africa?

02:29:17.000 I have not.

02:29:18.000 Yeah, I'd love to do that.

02:29:19.000 I'm dying to go.

02:29:21.000 Where do you want to go?

02:29:21.000 What part?

02:29:22.000 I want to travel the whole...

02:29:23.000 I really want to go to a bunch of places there.

02:29:26.000 My mom went on one of those...

02:29:28.000 Zach got this luxury trip and didn't take it, my stepbrother, and then gave it to my mother and stepfather, and they stayed in a treehouse that was glass-enclosed, and the animals came to the window.

02:29:41.000 I mean, it was really unbelievable.

02:29:43.000 And they went on the safaris.

02:29:45.000 I'm dying to do it, but it'd have to be an amazing trip.

02:29:49.000 You gotta make sure they pay attention.

02:29:51.000 Luxury.

02:29:52.000 I was reading about this lady who was staying at a safari resort.

02:29:55.000 Yeah.

02:29:56.000 Two female lions killed her in the shower. 1.00

02:30:02.000 Really?

02:30:03.000 Could you imagine?

02:30:04.000 You're in Africa, like, I'm gonna go to Africa, and I'm gonna hang out with nature.

02:30:09.000 This is gonna be amazing. 1.00

02:30:10.000 And you're in there washing your pussy, and you hear... 1.00

02:30:13.000 Another pussy comes and kills you. 1.00

02:30:16.000 That's a good... 1.00

02:30:19.000 You sound like my ex.

02:30:22.000 Is that what she sounded like?

02:30:24.000 No, I'm joking.

02:30:25.000 When she was about to eat me out. 0.98

02:30:35.000 That's such a good impression.

02:30:37.000 Can you imagine that sound, like hearing that sound and knowing it's the last noises you're going to hear?

02:30:41.000 That is the worst thought I could ever...

02:30:45.000 Man devoured by lions by taking a shower in Zimbabwe.

02:30:51.000 He used a whole pride of lions while taking a shower in a camp in the north of the country.

02:30:57.000 The conservation body said, why did I have thought it was a woman? 0.99

02:31:00.000 It might have been.

02:31:01.000 This could be a different story.

02:31:02.000 I can't imagine this happened only once.

02:31:04.000 Yeah, it's happened.

02:31:05.000 I think they probably know to go after people.

02:31:07.000 Hearing that sound right before you're going to die is just... 0.99

02:31:12.000 Is that worse though, or is the fucking Komodo dragon worse? 0.99

02:31:18.000 Watching that thing eat you foot first. 1.00

02:31:20.000 The dragon's worse.

02:31:23.000 The dragon.

02:31:28.000 Going into that thing one piece at a time with that chomp is worse than a lion just...

02:31:36.000 Because you would die, I think, from the lion quicker.

02:31:39.000 Yeah, the thing about Komodo dragons is they have poison in their saliva and their mouths are infected.

02:31:46.000 It's a combination of...

02:31:48.000 There's botulism in their saliva and a bunch of toxins and they bite you and then they follow you.

02:31:56.000 They don't kill you, like chase you down and kill you.

02:31:58.000 They bite you and then they slowly watch you wither away until you can't run anymore. 0.67

02:32:03.000 They're horrible.

02:32:04.000 And then they tear you apart.

02:32:05.000 And they always go guts first.

02:32:07.000 They always eat guts first because that's the softest spot.

02:32:10.000 So they go after your guts.

02:32:11.000 So you'd be lying on your back poisoned and this thing would just be pulling your entrails out. 0.61

02:32:18.000 Right. 1.00

02:32:20.000 Heartless, thoughtless, emotionless, fucking creeps. 1.00

02:32:26.000 But being bitten by a lion while you're naked in a shower and just seeing that thing look at you and about to... 1.00

02:32:34.000 What a fucking horrible way to die. 1.00

02:32:35.000 It would suffocate you quick, though. 1.00

02:32:37.000 Yeah, right. 0.93

02:32:37.000 You'd die immediately, I think. 0.93

02:32:39.000 Yeah, they just go for your neck. 0.93

02:32:41.000 Right.

02:32:41.000 They all go for your neck.

02:32:42.000 They just clamp on your neck. 0.68

02:32:44.000 That's the difference between getting eaten by a thing like a lion and getting eaten by a thing that just starts eating.

02:32:51.000 But that's interesting because they carry their babies by the back of the neck. 0.98

02:32:54.000 So when you said that, that was interesting to me.

02:32:56.000 Well, they scruff.

02:32:58.000 They carry them by the scruff.

02:32:59.000 When they get your neck, they're going to get you here.

02:33:01.000 They'll get you here, too, though.

02:33:02.000 Their head is so big. 1.00

02:33:03.000 I mean, with our little bitch-ass necks, a lion would just wrap around the whole neck. 1.00

02:33:08.000 I mean, a lion's head is like, lion's heads are so big. 1.00

02:33:11.000 They're so big it's insane.

02:33:13.000 And it's all designed for killing. 0.99

02:33:14.000 You have to go to Africa. 1.00

02:33:16.000 I do have to go to Africa. 0.76

02:33:17.000 You would be in heaven!

02:33:18.000 My kids were young and I didn't want to give them malaria medication.

02:33:21.000 That's all it was.

02:33:22.000 Because I was like, I'm not going there by myself.

02:33:24.000 And I wanted to go to Tanzania.

02:33:27.000 And I wanted them to see all these animals in the wild.

02:33:30.000 But the malaria thing was like, wait, wait, what is this medication?

02:33:35.000 What's the side effects?

02:33:36.000 What does it do?

02:33:37.000 And then my friend Dave, he was supposed to go to Africa back in the day when we were on news radio and he was taking malaria medication and apparently you're not supposed to drink while you take this stuff.

02:33:49.000 And he was drinking and just like blacking out and saying crazy shit and trying to start fights with people. 0.61

02:33:54.000 Oh my god. 0.95

02:33:55.000 And if you knew Dave, you know how hilarious that is.

02:33:57.000 Because he's like the nicest guy on earth.

02:34:00.000 He's so peaceful.

02:34:01.000 But he took a reporter's...

02:34:04.000 We were at this press thing.

02:34:05.000 He took a reporter's tape recorder and dunked it in his drink. 0.64

02:34:09.000 It's made him crazy. 0.58

02:34:10.000 It made him crazy, yeah.

02:34:11.000 It does that to people though.

02:34:13.000 It's a common side effect of some types of that malaria medication when you drink alcohol. 0.99

02:34:19.000 Like you just like, you go fucking bonkers. 0.84

02:34:22.000 I forgot you have to take all, you have to, my mom had, yeah. 0.99

02:34:25.000 Yeah, you have to take stuff. 1.00

02:34:26.000 Really jacked up on that shit. 1.00

02:34:27.000 In advance. 1.00

02:34:28.000 Right, I know.

02:34:29.000 My buddy's had malaria three times.

02:34:31.000 I have a good friend of mine who's got malaria.

02:34:33.000 He runs Fight for the Forgotten, which is a, it's a, um, They build wells for the pygmies in the Congo, in Zimbabwe now, too. 0.96

02:34:45.000 Or Uganda, rather.

02:34:46.000 And they're building these wells, and he goes over, and he was staying in the Congo on multiple times. 0.99

02:34:52.000 He got fucking malaria, Justin Wrenn. 0.98

02:34:54.000 He got malaria three times. 1.00

02:34:55.000 Oh my god.

02:34:56.000 While running this charity, while trying to help these people make wells.

02:35:01.000 Oh boy.

02:35:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:35:03.000 Like, it fucks you up. 0.97

02:35:04.000 He also had some sort of a parasite that infected his brain, and it took them How long did it take them? 0.99

02:35:11.000 Something like six months to clean it up.

02:35:13.000 Whatever it was. 1.00

02:35:14.000 He was fucked. 1.00

02:35:16.000 Legitimately fucked for six months and they didn't even know what it was. 1.00

02:35:19.000 It might have been more than six months. 0.99

02:35:20.000 It might have been a year.

02:35:21.000 But he detailed it on the podcast.

02:35:23.000 We're like, what?

02:35:23.000 It was some sort of a brain bacteria.

02:35:26.000 This is like- Scary.

02:35:28.000 All while he's going over to Africa- To help people.

02:35:31.000 To help people.

02:35:32.000 There's people that are better than us.

02:35:35.000 They're better than us, Jessie.

02:35:37.000 I know.

02:35:37.000 They're better.

02:35:38.000 I know.

02:35:39.000 So much better.

02:35:40.000 They're better people.

02:35:40.000 And then they get sick.

02:35:42.000 Mm-hmm.

02:35:43.000 But, you know, he almost died from malaria.

02:35:45.000 He's like, it's no joke.

02:35:46.000 He's like, it's a terrible, terrible disease.

02:35:49.000 Malaria has killed, I think the number that we found out that seems to be accurate, they think malaria has killed more than half of the people who have ever died ever.

02:36:01.000 Really?

02:36:02.000 Yeah.

02:36:03.000 In the world, you mean?

02:36:04.000 Like the numbers that's ever died ever in the history of...

02:36:08.000 Yeah.

02:36:09.000 I think they think it's somewhere...

02:36:12.000 Like it's hard to substantiate because people have been dying from malaria for so long.

02:36:16.000 Yeah.

02:36:16.000 But it's so prevalent.

02:36:18.000 It's probably the number one killer other than like old age and injury and stuff like that.

02:36:25.000 Malaria is horrible.

02:36:25.000 Oh my God, I didn't know that.

02:36:27.000 Horrible disease.

02:36:31.000 What does it say?

02:36:32.000 I know we've done this before, but I don't remember the results.

02:36:34.000 Do you?

02:36:35.000 So I'm looking at both things.

02:36:38.000 I was going to correct it, and then the third link down says the exact thing that you just repeated.

02:36:44.000 Yeah.

02:36:44.000 So when I Google in how many people have died from it, it says maybe between about 150 million and 300 million lives, which is 2% to 5% of all deaths.

02:36:54.000 That's every year?

02:36:55.000 No.

02:36:56.000 Ever.

02:36:56.000 Total.

02:36:57.000 In the 20th century alone.

02:36:58.000 Yeah, but then the other, what's the other link say?

02:36:59.000 That's the 20th century alone.

02:37:00.000 Right.

02:37:01.000 But then this says it's killed nearly half of all people.

02:37:04.000 But this is as of 2002, and I feel like we've dug through this at one point, and then it was like it couldn't have, because there's been like 54 billion people.

02:37:12.000 Right.

02:37:13.000 So it's been, has there only been 50?

02:37:16.000 Isn't that wild?

02:37:17.000 There's like 8 billion people now, and there's only been 50 billion people ever.

02:37:21.000 Right.

02:37:23.000 Oh my god.

02:37:24.000 Isn't that wild?

02:37:25.000 Really?

02:37:26.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

02:37:27.000 We're fucking like rats on a sinking ship right now. 1.00

02:37:30.000 We're everywhere. 1.00

02:37:32.000 There's only been 50 billion people ever.

02:37:36.000 I think that's the number.

02:37:38.000 And there's 8 billion now?

02:37:39.000 Yeah.

02:37:40.000 See if that's true.

02:37:42.000 That's insane. 0.99

02:37:42.000 I might be just making shit up left and right. 0.99

02:37:44.000 It sounds incredible. 0.99

02:37:46.000 54 billion deaths is like an estimate I'm looking at right now.

02:37:51.000 A historical death toll.

02:37:53.000 How many immortals?

02:37:54.000 Subtract the immortals. 0.99

02:37:56.000 One or two maybe then.

02:38:01.000 Some people on another podcast dug through that same article.

02:38:06.000 At some time during the 19th century, malaria reached its global limits.

02:38:10.000 In absolute numbers and in the proportion of humanity now affected, malaria was exacting its highest ever toll of sickness and death.

02:38:20.000 Well over one half of the world's population was at significant risk from malaria.

02:38:25.000 Of those directly affected by malaria, at least one in ten would expect to die from it.

02:38:31.000 Jesus.

02:38:33.000 It's crazy.

02:38:33.000 It's a scary, scary disease.

02:38:35.000 And it's all stagnant water and mosquitoes.

02:38:39.000 And one of the things they're trying to do to combat is they're creating different kinds of mosquitoes that don't get malaria.

02:38:48.000 And they're going to have these mosquitoes breed with other mosquitoes. 1.00

02:38:55.000 Some sort of weird genetically engineered mosquito thing.

02:38:58.000 And everybody's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

02:39:00.000 What happens?

02:39:01.000 What's the long term on this? 0.98

02:39:03.000 Do you know what the fuck's going to happen when you release genetically modified mosquitoes? 1.00

02:39:07.000 This sounds like a goddamn horror movie. 1.00

02:39:09.000 Doesn't that sound like a zombie movie? 1.00

02:39:11.000 Yeah.

02:39:11.000 How are they going to have...

02:39:13.000 But how can you make mosquitoes that don't get malaria?

02:39:17.000 Well, it's like Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park.

02:39:20.000 It's a strange thing.

02:39:23.000 When you manipulate nature.

02:39:25.000 What was his quote? 0.99

02:39:26.000 How the fuck do you do that? 0.99

02:39:27.000 Life finds a way. 0.99

02:39:28.000 Oh, life finds a way.

02:39:29.000 That's what it was.

02:39:30.000 What he's doing is...

02:39:33.000 They're making a mosquito to combat the mosquitoes that are carrying malaria.

02:39:39.000 How they're doing it, I'm not sure.

02:39:40.000 And whether or not they know for sure that that malaria will never mutate.

02:39:48.000 That's so scary.

02:39:48.000 And that genetically modified mosquito will never mutate.

02:39:51.000 I'm not sure.

02:39:53.000 Maybe they know.

02:39:55.000 Life on your way.

02:39:56.000 So weird.

02:39:58.000 Yeah.

02:39:58.000 Like you can make a mosquito.

02:40:00.000 Here it is.

02:40:01.000 Anophilus mosquitoes that have been genetically engineered with multiple anti-malaria molecules acting at different stages of the malaria life cycle are strongly resistant to the parasite that causes malaria and unlikely to lose that resistance quickly according to a study.

02:40:18.000 Wow.

02:40:19.000 Yeah.

02:40:19.000 We've never do this large scale.

02:40:22.000 The thing that I would worry about is some sort of mutation.

02:40:25.000 Right.

02:40:27.000 Or another disease.

02:40:28.000 This is all so crazy.

02:40:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:40:30.000 If malaria decides, like, oh, all we have to do is just change a little, and this stupid fucking mosquito becomes the perfect carrier for malaria. 1.00

02:40:37.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

02:40:44.000 I don't know if you just said this, but is it as bad now?

02:40:49.000 Malaria?

02:40:50.000 Yeah.

02:40:50.000 Still bad.

02:40:51.000 Yeah, it's still very bad.

02:40:52.000 It's bad in jungle areas in particular because of stagnant water.

02:40:56.000 But it's just an extremely prevalent disease in third world countries.

02:41:02.000 Scary stuff.

02:41:04.000 Especially hot climates, obviously, with stagnant water.

02:41:08.000 They had a malaria outbreak in the United States at one point in time.

02:41:12.000 Yeah.

02:41:13.000 Everyone's just constantly complaining here.

02:41:15.000 We have it so good.

02:41:16.000 We got it pretty soft. 0.99

02:41:17.000 I can't fucking handle it. 0.99

02:41:19.000 In comparison. 0.99

02:41:20.000 I know.

02:41:20.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:41:21.000 Are you worried about anything right now?

02:41:23.000 Are you worried about nuclear war with Russia?

02:41:25.000 No.

02:41:26.000 Nice.

02:41:27.000 No, I'm not.

02:41:27.000 Good.

02:41:28.000 I'm going with you.

02:41:29.000 I don't...

02:41:30.000 Are you worried about that?

02:41:36.000 I'm not not worried.

02:41:40.000 I mean, I just don't think that's like an immediate thing with him.

02:41:45.000 No, it could happen tomorrow.

02:41:48.000 Yeah, I'm not worried about it in the next five minutes.

02:41:50.000 It's not right now.

02:41:51.000 Right now we're just chilling.

02:41:52.000 Do you really think that that is...

02:41:53.000 Really?

02:41:54.000 Yes.

02:41:55.000 Let me hear why.

02:41:56.000 Well, he has them.

02:41:57.000 I get it. 0.99

02:41:58.000 And he's killing people. 0.94

02:41:59.000 He's killing people in Ukraine. 0.97

02:42:01.000 He's killing a lot of people in Ukraine. 0.71

02:42:02.000 Thousands and thousands of people.

02:42:04.000 The difference between, let's say, the civilian casualty and Ukrainian casualty number is up to, let's say it's 5,000.

02:42:14.000 Maybe it's 10,000.

02:42:15.000 What's to stop a nuclear bomb that'll kill 100,000?

02:42:18.000 Why wouldn't he?

02:42:23.000 What if he's cornered?

02:42:24.000 What if, like, there's no way out of this without, there's no way to save face?

02:42:28.000 I mean, I haven't watched the news, like I told you, but listen, isn't he taking over the country?

02:42:33.000 Isn't he successful right now in what's happening?

02:42:36.000 In taking over Ukraine?

02:42:37.000 Yes.

02:42:38.000 That's why I don't think he would.

02:42:40.000 Like, does he have a reason to do that right now?

02:42:43.000 Russia has definitely taken over some cities.

02:42:45.000 Right.

02:42:47.000 That's why I'm saying, why would he do that now if he's succeeding?

02:42:51.000 Because they've lost a lot of Russian troops.

02:42:53.000 The casualty numbers have been very high.

02:42:56.000 They don't know how many.

02:42:57.000 Because they have a literal crematorium that they're carrying on wheels where they're throwing...

02:43:04.000 This is according to...

02:43:05.000 Was it Garcia said that?

02:43:08.000 Who said that?

02:43:09.000 The guy was on the podcast.

02:43:16.000 What's going on is...

02:43:17.000 And he had just gotten back from there, right?

02:43:21.000 They are traveling around, and when the Russian troops would die, they have a specific truck that's an incinerator truck, and they just throw the bodies into the incinerator.

02:43:32.000 So they're literally dragging around a crematorium.

02:43:36.000 So they don't know how many people are dying from it.

02:43:41.000 I guess what I'm thinking is if he were losing the war, like if he's not getting what he wants, I would be more worried.

02:43:53.000 I don't know if he's getting what he wants because I think there's a lot of economic sanctions that are in place that are crippling the country.

02:43:59.000 I think these oligarchs are freaking the fuck out because they're getting their yachts repossessed and fleeing to all parts of the globe. 0.98

02:44:05.000 I think he's going to lose support of a lot of those guys.

02:44:08.000 And if Russian troops keep dying, I don't know what the numbers are, but there could be a point in time where, look, this war is fairly recent.

02:44:18.000 What if we're dealing with high casualty levels for the next year, two years, three years?

02:44:25.000 At what point in time does he decide to use weapons that he has that Ukraine doesn't? 0.96

02:44:30.000 Got it.

02:44:31.000 Now, if he did do that, what do you think is going to happen?

02:44:34.000 That's what I'm scared of.

02:44:35.000 That's what I'm really scared of.

02:44:37.000 Because if he nukes something and we do nothing, that's really scary.

02:44:42.000 If he nukes something and we do something, that's really, really scary.

02:44:45.000 That's even scarier.

02:44:46.000 Yeah.

02:44:47.000 Both of them are scarier.

02:44:47.000 Much scarier.

02:44:48.000 They're both scary.

02:44:49.000 Because if he nukes Ukraine and then decides to annex or just take over all of the countries that used to be a part of the Soviet Union.

02:44:56.000 I know.

02:44:57.000 If he tries to reassemble the Soviet Union.

02:45:00.000 He's a ruthless guy. 0.96

02:45:01.000 He's a ruthless dictator. 0.94

02:45:03.000 I know.

02:45:03.000 And it's not like they haven't put pressure on him.

02:45:08.000 It's all really strange stuff because there's so many things at play.

02:45:14.000 I watched this whole video that this guy put up on YouTube.

02:45:18.000 It's a really interesting video, long video explaining the long history of Ukraine and the conflicts and why Russia is interested in Ukraine and why they took over Crimea and all that.

02:45:29.000 It's a very complicated, very complicated part of the world.

02:45:34.000 I want to watch that because I want to know more about it.

02:45:37.000 Yeah, I'll send it to you.

02:45:38.000 It's fascinating to me.

02:45:40.000 It could spill over to the United States, I think.

02:45:47.000 No one expected this.

02:45:48.000 No one expected this hot war between Russia and Ukraine when they used to be a part of the same country just a while ago.

02:45:56.000 Just a few decades ago, they were part of the same country, and now they're killing each other. 0.99

02:46:01.000 For a lot of people, this was a much more serious thing than they expected.

02:46:08.000 Yeah, this happened, like, I know, it's very...

02:46:11.000 Spooky.

02:46:13.000 I don't think that...

02:46:15.000 I actually think if he did use nuclear weapons that the countries would not stand by and do nothing.

02:46:22.000 Would you worry about living in New York City?

02:46:24.000 Mm-hmm.

02:46:25.000 Because I think that would be a good spot to nuke.

02:46:26.000 I do.

02:46:27.000 I would be worried about living in New York.

02:46:28.000 I always worry about living in New York City during any kind of conflict around the world.

02:46:34.000 Because it's such a target, right?

02:46:36.000 Of course.

02:46:36.000 Yeah.

02:46:37.000 Yeah.

02:46:38.000 I mean, I lived there on 9-11.

02:46:41.000 I was running in the street.

02:46:42.000 Oh my God.

02:46:43.000 Yep.

02:46:44.000 Did you see the planes hit or did you see the tower go down?

02:46:46.000 I didn't see the planes hit.

02:46:47.000 I saw smoke in the air for six months.

02:46:52.000 I was uptown.

02:46:54.000 I was working in the election that day.

02:47:00.000 What's it called?

02:47:01.000 I was making $100 working in You know, in a school where people were doing the ballots and all that stuff and then there was a cop in there and I heard it on his radio.

02:47:13.000 It was the scariest thing.

02:47:15.000 We got a situation down here!

02:47:17.000 And everyone was like, a plane just hit the World Trade Center.

02:47:21.000 It was crazy.

02:47:22.000 I heard it on the radio. 0.95

02:47:25.000 And then when the second plane hit, I ran out of there and just fucking grabbed my stuff and ran. 0.91

02:47:30.000 And then everyone was running in the streets.

02:47:32.000 It was a very real feeling.

02:47:33.000 It was insane.

02:47:33.000 It was going to keep happening.

02:47:35.000 Oh my God.

02:47:36.000 I was like, I'm going to get hit.

02:47:37.000 I ran to my apartment.

02:47:39.000 My phone didn't work.

02:47:41.000 My family had no idea if I was okay.

02:47:43.000 My stepfather was a lawyer and he was doing a deposition, so he was running in the street covered in soot.

02:47:48.000 His whole suit, his whole...

02:47:50.000 He couldn't get out of the city and he had to walk over the bridge.

02:47:53.000 It was horrible.

02:47:54.000 Horrible.

02:47:55.000 I was traumatized from that.

02:47:58.000 So I haven't taken a subway since that day because I will never...

02:48:03.000 I was so...

02:48:05.000 I always think that New York will be...

02:48:09.000 I have to tell you I am shocked that just the other day something happened on a subway.

02:48:18.000 I am shocked that nothing has happened since 9-11 on a subway.

02:48:23.000 And that was just one crazy dude.

02:48:25.000 Exactly.

02:48:26.000 But I can't believe that there hasn't been a terrorist attack on a subway since 9-11.

02:48:32.000 Do you think you're gonna stay there forever?

02:48:34.000 No, I don't live in New York City.

02:48:36.000 I live on Long Island.

02:48:37.000 I bought a house.

02:48:38.000 I love New York City, but I mean, now I would never live in New York City.

02:48:47.000 It's too dangerous.

02:48:50.000 Tim said that too.

02:48:51.000 Tim Dillon said the exact same thing.

02:48:53.000 Yeah.

02:48:54.000 We talked about it the other day.

02:48:56.000 I mean, it's crazy.

02:48:57.000 My friend who's a comic was riding his bike and some guy, like, he went on his bike by mistake at a red light and some guy got out of his car.

02:49:11.000 He made a mistake on his bike and, like, went when he wasn't supposed to.

02:49:15.000 A guy got out of his car, punched him right in the ribs.

02:49:18.000 Just like caught out of his car and punched him in the ribs for making a mistake and going.

02:49:23.000 It's just there's people aren't, they're not thinking twice about just being violent at this point.

02:49:29.000 There's no cops.

02:49:30.000 The cops are not acting the way they acted before.

02:49:33.000 It's not at all.

02:49:36.000 But there is performative dance.

02:49:38.000 Yes, and it's amazing.

02:49:43.000 It's really beautiful.

02:49:45.000 We're gonna bring it back with the arts.

02:49:46.000 We're gonna start with the arts.

02:49:48.000 Well, the cops are doing interpretive dance when there's a crime now.

02:49:57.000 That's what they do.

02:49:58.000 We've been doing this for three hours already.

02:49:59.000 We have?

02:50:00.000 Yeah.

02:50:01.000 I can't believe it.

02:50:02.000 Is that right?

02:50:02.000 Yeah.

02:50:03.000 How nuts is that?

02:50:04.000 It doesn't feel like three hours.

02:50:06.000 It really doesn't.

02:50:08.000 It doesn't.

02:50:08.000 Well, it's fun.

02:50:09.000 It's fun talking to you.

02:50:10.000 Yeah.

02:50:10.000 I love talking to you.

02:50:11.000 I love talking to you, too.

02:50:13.000 If you ever decide to move out of Long Island, this is a good spot.

02:50:16.000 I love it here.

02:50:17.000 I love it here, too.

02:50:18.000 It's great.

02:50:19.000 I want to show you the club.

02:50:20.000 We'll show you the club later.

02:50:21.000 Yeah, I'm dying to see it.

02:50:23.000 Thank you, Jessica.

02:50:24.000 I appreciate you very much.

02:50:25.000 You put together a great thing here.

02:50:26.000 I mean, I just saw the whole setup. 0.98

02:50:28.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.99

02:50:29.000 It's pretty wild. 1.00

02:50:30.000 Great.

02:50:30.000 Have you talked about it on air?

02:50:32.000 No.

02:50:32.000 It's amazing.

02:50:33.000 People don't know.

02:50:34.000 Well, the bathroom is really beautiful.

02:50:39.000 It is, right?

02:50:40.000 Yes.

02:50:40.000 Got a float tank in it.

02:50:42.000 All right, my friend.

02:50:43.000 Thank you very much.

02:50:44.000 Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on social media, website stuff.

02:50:47.000 Yes, so all my dates are up and consistently go up on jessicacerson.com.

02:50:52.000 I'm on TikTok, which is funny because I put crowd work videos on TikTok, which is rare.

02:50:57.000 I've seen them on Instagram.

02:50:58.000 Yeah, yeah, they're on Instagram, TikTok, jessicacerson, Instagram, jessicerson, and I'm on tour right now.

02:51:05.000 Beautiful.

02:51:06.000 Yeah, jessicacerson.com. 0.97

02:51:07.000 You're really fucking funny. 0.87

02:51:09.000 I'm very excited that you're out there. 0.96

02:51:11.000 Thank you, Joe.

02:51:12.000 You're the best.

02:51:12.000 No, you're the best!

02:51:13.000 All right, that's it.

02:51:15.000 Bye, everybody.

02:51:16.000 See ya.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 26, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1809 - Jessica Kirson

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Transcript