The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1846 - Andrew Schulz

00:00:12.000 Hello, Andrew Schultz.

00:00:13.000 Hello, Joe Rogan.

00:00:14.000 How is the independent comedy production world treating you?

00:00:17.000 It's good.

00:00:20.000 It's a lot more work.

00:00:22.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:00:24.000 But you cut free from the nipple. 1.00

00:00:30.000 We did.

00:00:31.000 Without even mentioning names, tell me what happened.

00:00:34.000 I went through taping.

00:00:37.000 It was excellent.

00:00:38.000 Thank you.

00:00:38.000 Thank you for coming.

00:00:39.000 My pleasure.

00:00:40.000 And thank you for bringing Cameron.

00:00:41.000 Yeah.

00:00:42.000 Brought Cameron Haynes.

00:00:43.000 My wife came.

00:00:43.000 Dripped in Gucci, dude.

00:00:44.000 Yeah, he's hilarious.

00:00:45.000 Dude, that guy is a legend.

00:00:47.000 Because I've only seen him with his shirt off and inspirational music in the background.

00:00:51.000 Not enough of a mountain.

00:00:52.000 Bro, I thought he was going to be like Crocodile Dundee when I met him in person.

00:00:55.000 And he was just like dripping down.

00:00:58.000 Gucci.

00:00:59.000 He likes Gucci.

00:01:00.000 He likes Gucci.

00:01:01.000 And then I remember calling you and I was like, dude, this guy's so interesting to me.

00:01:05.000 Like, what does he do?

00:01:06.000 He just takes people on camping trips and stuff like that?

00:01:08.000 I'm like, what's the thing?

00:01:09.000 And I think you were like, no, I think he moderates pool levels in Oregon or moderates water.

00:01:15.000 Yeah, he works for the Department of Water and Power. 0.99

00:01:17.000 And I was like, this is a fucking fashionable. 0.98

00:01:19.000 For now. 0.98

00:01:19.000 He's a New York Times bestselling author, so he's quitting his job. 0.98

00:01:22.000 Let's go, Cam.

00:01:22.000 Yeah, he made a lot of money off the book.

00:01:24.000 I told him I'm going hunting with him.

00:01:26.000 Really?

00:01:27.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 He didn't respond to that.

00:01:29.000 What, are you gonna hunt?

00:01:30.000 I just said, we're going hunting.

00:01:32.000 He's like, okay.

00:01:33.000 Yeah, that's how...

00:01:33.000 He's like, okay.

00:01:35.000 Probably people say that to him every day.

00:01:37.000 Yeah.

00:01:37.000 You know?

00:01:38.000 But, yeah.

00:01:39.000 What would you hunt? 1.00

00:01:40.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:01:41.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:01:42.000 I'd probably...

00:01:44.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:01:45.000 Pile pigs is the best because they have to kill them. 1.00

00:01:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:01:48.000 You can eat them. 0.99

00:01:49.000 They're delicious.

00:01:50.000 Yeah.

00:01:50.000 And it's literally an imperative.

00:01:52.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 You have to, especially in Texas.

00:01:54.000 You're helping.

00:01:55.000 Yeah.

00:01:55.000 They're everywhere.

00:01:56.000 There's so many of them.

00:01:57.000 Yeah.

00:01:57.000 Millions.

00:01:58.000 I want to camp before I hunt.

00:02:00.000 First, I want to do camping.

00:02:01.000 You've never gone camping?

00:02:02.000 Never gone camping, no.

00:02:03.000 Oh, you're such a city boy.

00:02:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:05.000 Like little Duval would say, city boy, city boy.

00:02:08.000 Duval's the best, bro.

00:02:10.000 Yeah.

00:02:11.000 The camping thing... 1.00

00:02:14.000 I mean, you're in a fucking cloth house out there with monsters. 1.00

00:02:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:19.000 And that's real. 1.00

00:02:20.000 A woman got killed a couple of days ago in Montana by a grizzly bear, pulled her out of her tent, mauled her. 1.00

00:02:26.000 You're like TMZ for that kind of shit. 1.00

00:02:29.000 Yeah, well, I pay attention because I go to those places. 1.00

00:02:33.000 Yeah, I know.

00:02:33.000 It's on your radar.

00:02:35.000 But any time this happens, I feel like you're like, oh, dude, by the way, there was an alligator attack in Orlando.

00:02:41.000 Yeah, I've seen those too.

00:02:42.000 There's a lot of those.

00:02:43.000 Yeah, it's real.

00:02:45.000 We live in this bizarre sheltered world, and human beings have this interesting thought process.

00:02:52.000 We only think about threats and danger and reality.

00:02:56.000 If it's right in front of us all the time, that's how we see the world.

00:02:59.000 The stuff that's in front of us all the time, that's our reality.

00:03:03.000 And so stuff like...

00:03:04.000 That's why you ever see those...

00:03:05.000 There's a great Instagram page called Tourons of Yellowstone.

00:03:10.000 Okay. 1.00

00:03:12.000 Tourons is a tourist moron. 1.00

00:03:14.000 Okay. 1.00

00:03:14.000 And it's all people just getting launched into the air by buffalo. 1.00

00:03:17.000 Guys, okay.

00:03:19.000 Okay. 1.00

00:03:21.000 It's just these fucking idiots who come from like Chicago and they're used to cities and they never really seen a buffalo and they're trying to get close for a selfie and you know these things are in the rut. 1.00

00:03:33.000 They're trying to fuck. 1.00

00:03:34.000 Game over. 1.00

00:03:35.000 This is a 2,000 pound giant ass animal trying to fuck and you're all there cock blocking. 1.00

00:03:40.000 And they just launch these fucking people. 1.00

00:03:42.000 It's horrifying. 1.00

00:03:44.000 See, that's what makes me a little bit afraid of doing it.

00:03:47.000 Not necessarily afraid, but I didn't really understand the allure of it.

00:03:53.000 And then...

00:03:56.000 Okay.

00:03:57.000 I do understand the allure of nature.

00:03:59.000 Like, we were talking about this before.

00:04:01.000 I hit you about this before.

00:04:02.000 But I think something happens where, like, you get this, like, reset.

00:04:04.000 Yes.

00:04:05.000 You see these, like, you know, successful people.

00:04:07.000 They'll go to, like, Montana.

00:04:08.000 And they're not going to Montana to, like, let everybody know how nice their ranch is.

00:04:11.000 I believe they're going to Montana because they're like, it's cool to look at mountains.

00:04:14.000 And it's kind of, like, humbling.

00:04:16.000 Yes.

00:04:17.000 Dude, when I was...

00:04:18.000 I hit you up when I was on my honeymoon with my wife. 0.98

00:04:20.000 And I'm, like, looking at the fucking sunset off this beautiful island in Italy. 0.97

00:04:23.000 And I'm like... 0.99

00:04:25.000 I felt incredibly humbled.

00:04:27.000 Yeah.

00:04:27.000 And maybe you need that feeling.

00:04:29.000 Like, maybe your world gets so warped.

00:04:31.000 I wonder if you feel that way. 0.80

00:04:33.000 Like, do you need to be in nature and feel so fucking vulnerable because your regular day, that's not something that you're experiencing?

00:04:41.000 Yeah, I think it's a reality check of what your relationship with the world really is. 0.67

00:04:46.000 Because we live in cities, and we drive in cars, and we go into buildings, and you get confused, and you think that is the world.

00:04:53.000 But the world is filled with all kinds of variables, and one of the more fascinating variables is nature and wildlife, because they're so uncaring about you. 0.97

00:05:03.000 Like, one of the things that I always get when I'm in the mountains is like, these mountains don't give a fuck about you. 0.98

00:05:08.000 They don't give a shit how many Instagram followers you have or how well your special did or how well your podcast is doing. 0.99

00:05:14.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:05:16.000 These are just tooth and claw and fang animals trying to get by. 0.99

00:05:21.000 So we know that, that that's nature, right?

00:05:24.000 Right.

00:05:25.000 Does that give you any sort of like a compassion or empathy to the ultra-woke that are trying to over-care?

00:05:34.000 I don't think that's what they're doing.

00:05:37.000 Maybe deep down that's not what they're doing, right?

00:05:39.000 But intellectually they think that they're exercising in that way.

00:05:43.000 They think they're doing the right thing.

00:05:44.000 They're not doing the right thing, but they think they are.

00:05:47.000 And I wonder if on some level you look at how gnarly nature is and you see like what humans are kind of capable of doing.

00:05:56.000 You don't see that empathy in the animal world, I don't think.

00:05:59.000 No, there's no empathy.

00:06:00.000 The animal world has zero empathy.

00:06:02.000 Except dolphins.

00:06:04.000 Dolphins have empathy towards people. 0.97

00:06:06.000 They'll save people from sharks and shit like that. 0.97

00:06:08.000 Won't they also like feed other animals? 0.98

00:06:11.000 Isn't there like a...

00:06:12.000 Maybe they were working with...

00:06:14.000 I forget some video I saw.

00:06:16.000 They were like culling fish into this area so that the fishermen could...

00:06:20.000 Extract them.

00:06:21.000 Really?

00:06:22.000 Yeah, I saw some video of this. 0.99

00:06:23.000 I don't know where the fuck it was. 0.98

00:06:24.000 Were they cooperating with the fishermen? 0.99

00:06:26.000 I don't know if it was cooperating with the fishermen.

00:06:28.000 I don't know.

00:06:28.000 Maybe they were doing it for themselves and the fishermen would kind of take advantage of it.

00:06:31.000 That seems more likely.

00:06:33.000 But yeah, I don't know.

00:06:34.000 It's like an interesting thing that we're capable of.

00:06:37.000 To consider others discomfort and want to help.

00:06:42.000 I think it gets bastardized.

00:06:44.000 I think it gets abused.

00:06:45.000 Yes.

00:06:46.000 But the fact that we can even get there Yeah, it separates us from everything else, except for the dolphins.

00:06:52.000 They look out for other species.

00:06:55.000 That's what's interesting about them.

00:06:56.000 They look out for humans. 1.00

00:06:58.000 They also rape humans. 1.00

00:06:59.000 They do that. 0.98

00:07:01.000 But usually when they do that, it's like at a marine world type situation.

00:07:05.000 But also, do they know what that is?

00:07:07.000 No, they don't know what that is. 0.99

00:07:08.000 So they're like, oh yeah, we're just fucking and this is how fucking works. 0.99

00:07:10.000 Yeah, that's... 0.99

00:07:11.000 Well, they do infanticide, right? 1.00

00:07:15.000 Dolphins kill their babies. 0.94

00:07:17.000 Like, this is the way it works.

00:07:19.000 Like, if a female dolphin gets pregnant, she cannot mate.

00:07:25.000 For I believe it's...

00:07:27.000 Look this up.

00:07:27.000 I think it's like six years.

00:07:29.000 I think the female dolphin- That's the gestation period?

00:07:31.000 Yes.

00:07:32.000 She has to take care.

00:07:33.000 It's not the gestation period, but it's the period where the baby dolphin is vulnerable because dolphins are similar in a slight way to human beings in that it takes a long time for the animal to mature because their brains are so large and they're so intelligent.

00:07:49.000 You know, it's not like a chimp, like a chimp within like two years. 0.94

00:07:53.000 Send them out there.

00:07:54.000 Well, they're strong right away.

00:07:56.000 I remember we had an episode of NewsRadio where I don't think it ever, this part, I don't think they did anything with it.

00:08:03.000 I think it got edited out.

00:08:05.000 Because like a lot of, you know, a sitcom's like 22 minutes.

00:08:08.000 But a lot of times they'll have like 40 minutes of footage, and they're trying to just like get the most laughs and make the story move along.

00:08:14.000 So we had this thing where there was a baby chimp. 1.00

00:08:17.000 And so this baby chimp was on set. 1.00

00:08:20.000 It had a diaper.

00:08:21.000 It was like this big.

00:08:22.000 And this thing got on my back, went...

00:08:24.000 Just slapped me a couple of times, and I was just like, whoa! 0.98

00:08:29.000 It's like, it's so small and so fucking strong. 0.99

00:08:34.000 And its body felt like it was made out of wood. 0.99

00:08:38.000 Dense.

00:08:39.000 It was just so strong.

00:08:42.000 We have in our head, oh, it's 150 pounds.

00:08:46.000 I'm 150 pounds.

00:08:47.000 We're kind of the same.

00:08:48.000 You have no idea how strong those things are.

00:08:51.000 It's so different than a human being.

00:08:53.000 And we're so vulnerable in comparison to them.

00:08:58.000 What was my point?

00:08:59.000 We were talking about I had a point.

00:09:03.000 Breaking away from the tit of the industry.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, but that's not...

00:09:08.000 We went way past that.

00:09:09.000 That's what we do, baby!

00:09:11.000 Oh, that's what it was.

00:09:13.000 So they're slightly vulnerable when they're young, but they're not nearly as vulnerable as a human.

00:09:19.000 To protect them.

00:09:19.000 Yeah.

00:09:20.000 Like a human baby.

00:09:21.000 They come out, they can't even move.

00:09:22.000 Like a deer comes out, they can kind of walk a little bit.

00:09:25.000 And like fawns, you ever see how fawns, like deer fawns have like white spots all over their body?

00:09:30.000 Okay.

00:09:30.000 It's so they blend in better because they just hide in the grass.

00:09:34.000 Because they need to hide.

00:09:34.000 They need to hide because they can't run.

00:09:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:36.000 They can't run yet.

00:09:37.000 So oftentimes the mother will leave their baby behind and the baby just lays there.

00:09:41.000 So if you find a baby deer, they just lay there.

00:09:44.000 They don't try to run away from you.

00:09:45.000 And then they slowly get the ability to walk around.

00:09:48.000 Like right now in Texas, the babies have been born and they're starting to walk around now.

00:09:53.000 And it's been a few months.

00:09:54.000 So they're like on the highway sometimes.

00:09:57.000 Like you'll see a fawn.

00:09:58.000 Like the other day I was driving down this road and I had to stop the car.

00:10:01.000 And this guy was like waving his arms.

00:10:03.000 Like I saw the deer, but this guy was waving his arms.

00:10:05.000 Because there was this cute little baby and a little baby brother.

00:10:08.000 And they're like trying to make their way across the road. 0.99

00:10:10.000 But they're like this big, little tiny ass deer. 0.92

00:10:12.000 Okay, have you ever seen a situation where, like, another animal recognizes that there's, like, an infant from a different species and then doesn't murder it? 0.96

00:10:24.000 No.

00:10:24.000 No, they don't.

00:10:25.000 They just eat it.

00:10:25.000 That never happens.

00:10:26.000 No, they run up on it.

00:10:27.000 If you ever leave a baby in the woods, a bear will run up on it and eat it immediately.

00:10:31.000 Now what if the babies grow up together?

00:10:34.000 Doesn't matter. 0.99

00:10:35.000 So, but you've seen these videos of like in the zoo where like a fucking Cocker Spaniel and a lion grow up together and then for whatever reason they don't eat each other. 0.98

00:10:42.000 Oh, you mean in a domestic situation? 0.99

00:10:43.000 Yes.

00:10:44.000 Yeah, that's a little different.

00:10:45.000 As long as the animals are very well fed.

00:10:48.000 That's the thing.

00:10:48.000 They still have the instinct to kill.

00:10:50.000 A thing like a tiger or a lion or something, they're always going to have that instinct to kill.

00:10:54.000 And it's exciting to them.

00:10:56.000 If something tries to run away from them, they always have this instinct to lock onto it and chase after it.

00:11:00.000 They're never going to get away from that.

00:11:02.000 That's just a part of their DNA. You can't breed that out.

00:11:05.000 But you could breed it out in, say, a dog.

00:11:07.000 The difference between a dog and a wolf is just thousands of years of breeding.

00:11:11.000 It's the same animal, which is wild.

00:11:13.000 My dog Marshall.

00:11:14.000 Have you ever met Marshall? 0.99

00:11:16.000 Sweetest fucking animal that's ever existed. 0.99

00:11:18.000 All he wants to do is love everybody. 0.99

00:11:20.000 Oh no, I did meet him once at the old studio.

00:11:22.000 Everybody's his friend.

00:11:23.000 But he's an ancestor of a wolf.

00:11:25.000 They've turned him into this thing through thousands of years of breeding.

00:11:30.000 Just like they're trying to do to men.

00:11:33.000 Exactly.

00:11:34.000 Where's Andrew Tate when you need him? 1.00

00:11:36.000 Yes, that's just toxic femininity shit, or masculinity. 1.00

00:11:39.000 Toxic femininity is right. 1.00

00:11:41.000 That was a Freudian slip.

00:11:43.000 But toxic masculinity, what that means is like, oh, you mean the men who carve the world.

00:11:48.000 Yes, now you don't need them, so now you want to get rid of them.

00:11:51.000 But you do need them.

00:11:52.000 You just don't think you need them because you don't need them right now.

00:11:54.000 And then Russia has them, and China is making them more masculine.

00:11:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:00.000 So then what do we do?

00:12:01.000 Like, how do we recognize this trait?

00:12:02.000 Okay, we want to make life more...

00:12:04.000 We want to make life more palatable for everyone, right? 0.94

00:12:07.000 But sometimes you need some badass motherfuckers to do the things that a lot of people don't want to do. 1.00

00:12:12.000 And the second life is safe, you go, well, why do we have bad people around? 0.98

00:12:15.000 Exactly.

00:12:16.000 They might make some bad decisions.

00:12:17.000 So how do we keep the quote-unquote, like, bad guys around long enough So in case something needs to be done, they handle it. 0.96

00:12:26.000 And I think, like, the American way of doing it is going, hey, we're just gonna, like, kind of create these little organizations that do the bad shit, and the American people don't really need to know about it. 0.91

00:12:34.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:12:35.000 We'll go handle that stuff.

00:12:36.000 You don't need to know.

00:12:36.000 Enjoy your life and live your life.

00:12:38.000 Yeah.

00:12:39.000 And we'll make sure everything is cozy and cool, and then you not voting for the guy that does the bad thing.

00:12:44.000 It's kind of like a nice system.

00:12:46.000 It's a very good system for creating innovation, right?

00:12:50.000 Because you leave people the opportunity to go and do other things.

00:12:56.000 But it also is an opportunity for people to be unrealistic about the world.

00:13:01.000 Like Israelis are very realistic about the world.

00:13:04.000 They have to be.

00:13:05.000 They have to be.

00:13:06.000 Yeah.

00:13:06.000 And they also have mandatory military service.

00:13:09.000 Yes.

00:13:09.000 And there's a lot of people that have said that if America had mandatory military service, you'd have a lot more patriotism, a lot more people who understand the role that the American military plays in the world.

00:13:20.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:13:20.000 And that, you know, yeah, the American military has done some fucking terrible things. 0.98

00:13:24.000 Skin in the game. 0.96

00:13:25.000 Just like every single military organization that has ever existed in history.

00:13:30.000 That had the power to.

00:13:31.000 Yes.

00:13:32.000 That's the thing.

00:13:32.000 If you don't have power, you can't say what you would or wouldn't do with that power.

00:13:36.000 It's hard.

00:13:38.000 If you really look at the American power structure and the benevolence attached to it, that to me is the most impressive thing about a George Washington stuff.

00:13:46.000 You could have ran it back.

00:13:47.000 Everybody loves you.

00:13:49.000 You could just continue to be the new king, if you will.

00:13:52.000 Right, like Putin has done in Russia.

00:13:54.000 Literally.

00:13:54.000 And he's supported.

00:13:55.000 Yeah.

00:13:56.000 Right?

00:13:56.000 The people there, for the most part, love him.

00:13:59.000 At least that's the information we're getting.

00:14:00.000 But I even talk to guys like Lex, and it's like, yeah, there are people there that love him.

00:14:04.000 He's favorable.

00:14:05.000 Well, it's also they control the media.

00:14:06.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:14:07.000 So they're getting the shit that's out there. 1.00

00:14:08.000 100%. 1.00

00:14:09.000 I was talking to someone who has a relative over there in Russia and they were saying that they thought that Ukraine was filled with Nazis and they were over there to liberate the Ukrainian people.

00:14:23.000 So the propaganda is that Ukraine has been run by Nazis.

00:14:27.000 Yo, liberation is a great excuse for invasion, bro.

00:14:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:30.000 It's a great excuse.

00:14:32.000 It's benevolent.

00:14:32.000 Yeah, I mean...

00:14:33.000 You want to be the good guy.

00:14:34.000 It's literally what they did to go into Iraq. 0.86

00:14:38.000 Of course.

00:14:38.000 In the first war.

00:14:39.000 Yeah, or every time we invaded.

00:14:40.000 When they invaded Kuwait.

00:14:41.000 Like, oh, we have to save those Kuwaitis. 1.00

00:14:42.000 Like, why?

00:14:42.000 Those poor Kuwaitis.

00:14:43.000 People in America know what the fuck Kuwait is, can't spell Kuwait. 1.00

00:14:46.000 Right, what are we doing? 0.99

00:14:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:46.000 But I wonder if... 0.99

00:14:50.000 And I've joked around about this, but I wonder if life gets to a certain point of inconvenience where you start being okay with dark tactics being taken to return you to convenience.

00:15:00.000 Oh, for sure.

00:15:01.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:15:02.000 Yeah, once things get ugly, then you're more than happy to have the military go and do awful shit. 0.99

00:15:08.000 It's like, I got a lady in my building, right? 0.99

00:15:10.000 Who's like, she's kind of like a Karen, right?

00:15:13.000 And Joe, I love her. 1.00

00:15:16.000 Because she does the shit I want. 1.00

00:15:20.000 She's the Antifa you're building. 1.00

00:15:22.000 Somebody's fucking loud. 1.00

00:15:25.000 Somebody's having a crazy party. 0.99

00:15:26.000 I know Danielle's got it.

00:15:29.000 I don't gotta call nobody.

00:15:30.000 I might send a text like, Danielle, are you hearing this?

00:15:33.000 Already on it.

00:15:34.000 That's my CIA! Do you know what I'm saying?

00:15:37.000 She's your Antifa.

00:15:38.000 Or Antifa, or whatever the organization is.

00:15:40.000 Like, the second life, the gas prices are too high, all of a sudden, weapons of mass destruction, or the second anything is about to be inconvenient, there's the group that goes and does it, and then I don't have to feel weird, like I snitched on the person in the elevator.

00:15:52.000 I just get to sit and smile.

00:15:53.000 That's, I think, the American or, like, the Western experience.

00:15:56.000 We're removed from the things we would feel guilty about.

00:16:01.000 Like, even in America, we all say to everybody around the world, like, oh yeah, we hate that they did that thing with their weapons of mass destruction.

00:16:06.000 It's disgusting what they did in Iraq. 0.81

00:16:08.000 We like $3 gas.

00:16:10.000 Right.

00:16:11.000 That's nice for us.

00:16:12.000 Well, I mean, even things that aren't as ugly, like how about this Brittany Griner situation?

00:16:16.000 Yes.

00:16:17.000 Brittany Griner is imprisoned right now in Russia because she went over there to play basketball and she had cannabis oil vape cartridges that she had on her. 0.92

00:16:28.000 I don't know if she just didn't know they were illegal or she tried to sneak them in. 0.97

00:16:33.000 And they've got her arrested, it's against the law, and she might do ten years in jail over there, which is fucking horrific. 0.81

00:16:40.000 But let's also clarify.

00:16:41.000 She's already been over there for months. 0.68

00:16:41.000 But here's what's important. 0.68

00:16:44.000 Hold on.

00:16:44.000 People are freaking out about this, right?

00:16:46.000 They're freaking out.

00:16:47.000 Russia needs to let her go. 0.99

00:16:48.000 We have people in America right now locked up for marijuana, and they've been locked up for fucking years. 0.99

00:16:53.000 For years and years and years. 0.98

00:16:55.000 And there's not one.

00:16:56.000 There's thousands of them. 1.00

00:16:57.000 So they're not good at throwing a fucking ball into a net? 1.00

00:17:01.000 Is that what it is? 0.99

00:17:02.000 They're not good at that one thing that we like to watch? 0.99

00:17:05.000 So those fucking people don't get let out? 0.99

00:17:07.000 That's the other thing that we do, right? 1.00

00:17:09.000 We completely compartmentalize our rage.

00:17:12.000 And it's like, Brittany Griner is this perfect situation for us to like...

00:17:20.000 Right.

00:17:24.000 Right. 0.99

00:17:35.000 She knows that if it isn't a wartime where she's essentially become a proxy between America and Russia, she can bring whatever the fuck she wants. 1.00

00:17:42.000 She probably had been. 0.96

00:17:43.000 She has been.

00:17:43.000 Because she's been going over there.

00:17:45.000 Exactly.

00:17:45.000 She's been going over there playing ball for a long time.

00:17:47.000 And dealing with these, you know, what is it?

00:17:49.000 What are they called?

00:17:50.000 The oligarchs.

00:17:50.000 Russian oligarchs.

00:17:51.000 They fund all the female basketball teams.

00:17:53.000 It's like a fun pet project for them.

00:17:55.000 Do they really?

00:17:56.000 Yeah.

00:17:57.000 Do you think they pay women more to play basketball in Russia than in America because it's profitable?

00:18:01.000 I literally don't know anything about it.

00:18:03.000 Well, let's just take a test.

00:18:05.000 How well do women's sports generally do throughout the world? 1.00

00:18:08.000 I wish I could do Hans Kim's new bit about this.

00:18:12.000 What is it?

00:18:12.000 I can't, I can't, because I don't want to fuck it up.

00:18:14.000 Well, you don't have to do the accent.

00:18:16.000 No, no, no.

00:18:17.000 He doesn't have an accent.

00:18:18.000 We're going to get Shane to do it.

00:18:20.000 No, I can't do it because I don't want to ruin his bit.

00:18:22.000 Okay, fair enough.

00:18:23.000 I'll tell you after we get off the air, we'll remember. 0.98

00:18:25.000 But it's fucking fantastic. 0.97

00:18:27.000 Shout out to you, Hans. 0.98

00:18:28.000 It's so funny.

00:18:28.000 Bro, it's so funny.

00:18:29.000 That kid's an animal.

00:18:30.000 He's funny.

00:18:31.000 And when I met him, I was like, oh, it's so nice to meet you.

00:18:33.000 I've seen your stuff on whatever.

00:18:34.000 And on Instagram and YouTube, he's posting a lot of stuff.

00:18:37.000 He's going on tour with you.

00:18:37.000 So nice to meet you.

00:18:38.000 And he said two things to me that were the most Asian things ever.

00:18:44.000 He goes, it is an honor.

00:18:52.000 This is a distinguished moment or something like that. 0.99

00:18:55.000 And I was like, whoa, you were coming on thick with the fucking Asian stuff. 1.00

00:18:58.000 But he's serious. 0.99

00:18:59.000 But he's serious and he likes the comedy.

00:19:02.000 It feels like he's addicted.

00:19:03.000 He loves comedy. 1.00

00:19:04.000 He's a fucking soldier for comedy, man. 0.99

00:19:07.000 He's all in and he's a great guy and he's really, really talented. 0.99

00:19:11.000 He's really good, man.

00:19:12.000 But to his bit, Women's sports are not making that much money around the world. 1.00

00:19:16.000 Right. 0.99

00:19:16.000 And unfortunately, this is kind of fucked up, but the reality is, if they're not in a physically objectified situation, like they are in some positions, like female tennis, for example, they got them walking around with these tiny little skirts, ass cheeks, fucking hanging out. 0.99

00:19:29.000 How about volleyball? 0.99

00:19:30.000 You have to dress like a hoe. 1.00

00:19:32.000 Bro, dude, that's what I understand. 1.00

00:19:34.000 When people talk about sexism and shit, you know flight attendants have to wear heels onto the plane? 1.00

00:19:40.000 Do they? 1.00

00:19:41.000 That's a law.

00:19:42.000 Well, it's a rule.

00:19:44.000 It's not a law.

00:19:45.000 Alright, so what is the difference?

00:19:47.000 Rules are laws for the business.

00:19:48.000 The other one is the government.

00:19:49.000 Yeah, but if you want to work for them, you could turn...

00:19:51.000 Is that true?

00:19:52.000 You have to wear heels? 1.00

00:19:52.000 I asked the lady at Delta. 1.00

00:19:54.000 You have to wear heels onto the plane.

00:19:55.000 Once you're on the plane, you can turn into a flat when you leave the heel.

00:19:59.000 What? 0.98

00:20:00.000 All a heel does, I mean, you know this, it accentuates the muscles in your legs and it raises your ass to put you in like almost a doggy style type position. 0.95

00:20:07.000 Make it look nice. 0.94

00:20:08.000 There we go. 0.98

00:20:09.000 Make that butt look nice. 1.00

00:20:11.000 That is so sexy. 0.99

00:20:12.000 Isn't that way more sexy?

00:20:14.000 Does the man have to wear heels?

00:20:15.000 Nope.

00:20:16.000 Wow.

00:20:17.000 Now, a few of them flight attendants probably would enjoy that.

00:20:19.000 Yeah.

00:20:20.000 The male ones. 0.55

00:20:20.000 Did you see the people that we sent to, what was it where they sent them? 0.55

00:20:27.000 They sent that four-star admiral who's a transgender man, and then the other person who's trans too, we sent them to, was it France?

00:20:37.000 The bald one.

00:20:38.000 The trans woman. 0.94

00:20:40.000 She's a lot to look at.

00:20:42.000 I mean, I don't know what she does.

00:20:43.000 There's a lot going on there.

00:20:44.000 There's a lot going on there.

00:20:45.000 They sent them to, I want to say France. 1.00

00:20:49.000 But they were the United States of...

00:20:51.000 Ambassadors.

00:20:52.000 But that works in France.

00:20:53.000 They like that stuff.

00:20:54.000 Maybe.

00:20:54.000 I don't know.

00:20:56.000 Even in France, they're probably like, this is too much.

00:20:58.000 Is it ever too much?

00:20:59.000 This I don't like.

00:21:00.000 I really don't know what the rules are in France.

00:21:03.000 They are trying too hard.

00:21:04.000 This is...

00:21:05.000 How do they smoke cigarettes like this?

00:21:07.000 This is...

00:21:08.000 There's something about this that I don't enjoy.

00:21:10.000 Why can't they be normal? 1.00

00:21:11.000 Like, have sex with little girls and we give them asylum here. 1.00

00:21:14.000 Oh, you mean like Rowan Polanski? 1.00

00:21:16.000 Yeah.

00:21:16.000 Is he from France?

00:21:19.000 Polanski? 0.62

00:21:19.000 What's wild is like people were making movies with that guy just up until like a couple of years ago. 0.62

00:21:24.000 Dude, they do it with Woody Allen.

00:21:25.000 That's my favorite thing about the Woody Allen thing is like when they ask the actresses and they're like, do you think he did it?

00:21:30.000 They did what?

00:21:32.000 He's with her. 0.99

00:21:33.000 But like they have to say no because if they say yes, they're doing it with the guy who's that raping a girl. 0.98

00:21:41.000 Well, he's not anymore. 0.95

00:21:42.000 She's a grown woman.

00:21:43.000 Well, early on.

00:21:45.000 But when do you think he started the relationship with her?

00:21:47.000 That's where it gets squirrely.

00:21:48.000 The problem is the wife is squirrely, too. 1.00

00:21:51.000 Like, Mia Farrow, she's squirrely. 0.99

00:21:53.000 Yeah, she's a loony bin. 0.99

00:21:55.000 She's a loon. 1.00

00:21:56.000 So her version of reality, it's very hard to parse, like, what's true and what's not true.

00:22:00.000 Dude, there's no version of reality where, like, even if it's your wife's adopted daughter or whatever, it's weird, bro.

00:22:06.000 It's plain and simple weird.

00:22:08.000 She has stories of them being together before when she was really young.

00:22:14.000 Oh, I don't know if I buy that.

00:22:16.000 And then there's also his daughter Dylan that has allegations too.

00:22:20.000 But I think they looked into that and they did some crazy investigation and they found it wasn't good.

00:22:24.000 How can you?

00:22:26.000 Those are one of those things.

00:22:27.000 It's like, how do you know unless you were there?

00:22:30.000 So you can't comment on it, right?

00:22:32.000 He believes in true love.

00:22:34.000 Oh boy.

00:22:35.000 I mean, that's the only- He was a pervy dude.

00:22:38.000 You ever listen to his old stand-up?

00:22:40.000 No.

00:22:40.000 Super pervy.

00:22:41.000 Yeah, I've got some of his old stand-up.

00:22:43.000 He's just talking about girls.

00:22:44.000 I love girls. 0.98

00:22:46.000 I love the way they walk in the heels.

00:22:48.000 It was really pervy.

00:22:51.000 Kind of like Mitch Fattel.

00:22:53.000 Yes, but Mitch is playing the character.

00:22:55.000 Mitch is a character, and Mitch is being really funny with it.

00:22:57.000 With Woody, it was like, this is back in the day.

00:23:00.000 This is how I really feel.

00:23:01.000 Yeah, this is back in the day where, I don't know, man.

00:23:05.000 I think people were just more primitive in the 60s.

00:23:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:08.000 They fucking were, man. 1.00

00:23:09.000 I mean, you saw the songs, right? 1.00

00:23:10.000 Aren't there all those songs by Rolling Stones singing about 15-year-olds and shit? 0.99

00:23:15.000 Christine, 16, Kiss. 0.99

00:23:16.000 Yeah.

00:23:17.000 Yeah, there was a lot of them.

00:23:18.000 Yeah.

00:23:19.000 So maybe the age has changed.

00:23:20.000 I mean, obviously it's changed, right?

00:23:21.000 Like a woman is 13 in ancient... 0.99

00:23:25.000 Well, that's because people didn't fucking survive. 0.98

00:23:27.000 It was hard to survive back then. 0.99

00:23:29.000 When someone got to breeding age, you bred with them as quickly as you could, because they probably weren't going to make it to be 20. I mean, that's a wild debate that's happening, a bunch of few guys, like thousands of years ago.

00:23:40.000 Like, I don't want to bang these young girls, but no one's living. 0.99

00:23:44.000 They're all dying.

00:23:45.000 Well, I don't think they thought 15 was old back then, or young back then.

00:23:50.000 Because I think, you know, with the average age of death...

00:23:53.000 Well, the average age of death is complicated, right?

00:23:55.000 Because when they calculate the average life expectancy of people that lived a long time ago, really you have to factor in infant mortality, which screws everything up.

00:24:04.000 There's so many children and babies died young.

00:24:08.000 More, too.

00:24:09.000 So they make the age, like, oh, the average person lived to be 30. Well, that fucks it up because a lot of them died at one.

00:24:16.000 Yes. 0.99

00:24:16.000 Like a shit ton of them died. 0.99

00:24:17.000 And there are people who live a long time.

00:24:19.000 I think Michelangelo lived till how long?

00:24:21.000 I don't know.

00:24:22.000 I don't know.

00:24:23.000 He's probably pretty old.

00:24:23.000 But, like, there are people who live long.

00:24:25.000 There are people who lived into their 80s back in the day.

00:24:27.000 Yeah, they did.

00:24:27.000 So, it was possible.

00:24:28.000 But, again...

00:24:29.000 The actual life expectancy, like, what a person could actually live to...

00:24:33.000 Yeah.

00:24:33.000 ...was probably the same.

00:24:34.000 Yeah.

00:24:34.000 For the most part.

00:24:36.000 That's so wild to have a kid as a woman, like, that primal urge back in the day, knowing that there was, like, a 25% chance it either killed you or the baby. 0.51

00:24:44.000 Ugh.

00:24:45.000 I don't know what those percentages are, but knowing every time you're going into this...

00:24:48.000 That, you want to talk about, like, your...

00:24:51.000 That's why, I don't know, like, when I hear a lot of, like, people like our age or whatever like that, like, there's a lot of women like, I just don't want kids. 1.00

00:24:57.000 And it's like, I understand intellectually why you might not.

00:25:02.000 But there has to be a biological impulse inside of you yearning to do that.

00:25:07.000 I don't think it's for everybody.

00:25:09.000 I really don't think so.

00:25:10.000 It's not for everybody.

00:25:11.000 But I don't think the urge is for everybody.

00:25:13.000 You think there are human beings whose one purpose on this earth is to procreate, who just do not have that in them?

00:25:19.000 I don't think that's the one purpose on the earth anymore.

00:25:21.000 I think at one point in time when there was less people, I think the urge and the imperative to breed was much more strong. 0.98

00:25:29.000 It was much stronger and it was much more of a focus.

00:25:33.000 I don't think that...

00:25:34.000 I think the way nature works, and this is me just completely guessing, when there's an abundance of people, like in urban situations, people are much less likely to have children.

00:25:48.000 Do you know that that's the argument for underpopulation, right?

00:25:52.000 Population collapse.

00:25:53.000 This is why Elon keeps having kids.

00:25:55.000 The population collapse is...

00:25:57.000 It's not single-handedly trying to bring the population back.

00:26:00.000 But he literally is.

00:26:01.000 Like he's having a bunch of kids.

00:26:03.000 He's having 10 kids.

00:26:04.000 But he's having them with surrogates.

00:26:07.000 It's not like he's just shooting loads into people.

00:26:09.000 Like he's making embryos and in vitro fertilization. 1.00

00:26:13.000 It's like he's doing wild shit. 1.00

00:26:14.000 That is the dorkiest way to have kids. 1.00

00:26:16.000 To make people. 0.98

00:26:16.000 But he's trying to do that. 0.98

00:26:17.000 He's trying to make a lot of people.

00:26:19.000 Leave a load in, dude.

00:26:19.000 If you're going to do the act, if you're going to be with the person, you might as well enjoy it.

00:26:23.000 But I think genuinely he wants to make as many people as he can.

00:26:28.000 Genuinely.

00:26:29.000 That's why he's saving embryos and doing in vitro fertilization.

00:26:33.000 He's genuinely trying to contribute to the population.

00:26:37.000 He thinks that population collapse is a real issue.

00:26:40.000 If you talk to him about it, he has a compelling argument about it.

00:26:43.000 I'd like to hear it.

00:26:43.000 There's a compelling argument that relates to- I think it's a primal breeding fetish.

00:26:46.000 I'll be honest with you.

00:26:47.000 I think that's what Nick Cannon has.

00:26:49.000 And I think what happens is you just start to get addicted to this feeling of bringing life into it because there's this old impulses baked into our DNA that this is what we're supposed to do.

00:26:57.000 And he's in a financial situation where they both are, where they can do that, and there's not many restrictions put on them.

00:27:02.000 But to, like, over-intellectualize it, like, I'm trying to bring back the population.

00:27:06.000 It's like, no, you get a kick out of it.

00:27:07.000 It's fun.

00:27:08.000 You can afford it.

00:27:09.000 If you talk to him, I think you'd have a different opinion.

00:27:11.000 He genuinely thinks that it's important for people to have as many children as possible.

00:27:15.000 And he's basing this, is what I was getting to.

00:27:18.000 There's studies where they talk about urban environments and highly educated people are having less and less children.

00:27:26.000 Because the woman has a career, the man has a career, they put it off. 1.00

00:27:31.000 Did you ever see Idiocracy?

00:27:35.000 Hilarious.

00:27:36.000 I just saw it recently.

00:27:38.000 But that's in Idiocracy.

00:27:41.000 There's a couple in Idiocracy that's really highly educated.

00:27:43.000 You had him on, didn't you?

00:27:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:44.000 Mike Judge.

00:27:45.000 He's brilliant, Judge. 1.00

00:27:46.000 He's the shit. 1.00

00:27:46.000 I love him. 1.00

00:27:47.000 Great guy.

00:27:47.000 He lives here.

00:27:50.000 In that film, there's this one guy who lives in a trailer and he's got like 50 kids, keeps fucking all these women, he's fucking the neighbor, he's having kids with everybody, and then there's this super educated couple that's holding it off and putting it off until they're in their 40s, and then they can't have kids, and the guy doesn't have any sperm left, 0.99

00:28:06.000 and the girl's eggs are bad. 1.00

00:28:07.000 That's the reality of intelligent, educated people with careers, is that they have less children.

00:28:13.000 And so that's the fear of population collapse in large urban environments.

00:28:18.000 When people move up in economic status and they move up in terms of their career, that takes precedent over having children.

00:28:27.000 Yeah, I think that is happening.

00:28:29.000 I mean, look, for me, I'm 38. I don't have kids yet.

00:28:33.000 You know, my wife, she just got her MBA. We haven't started having kids yet.

00:28:38.000 I mean, I think in the very near future, you know, God willing, we'll be able to do that.

00:28:41.000 But yeah, we put these other things first.

00:28:42.000 Yeah.

00:28:43.000 Well, that's what people do.

00:28:44.000 Well, and I think that's...

00:28:45.000 I think that's partially responsible for the extreme wokeness.

00:28:54.000 Let me take you there in this.

00:28:56.000 I haven't fully formed this thought, but basically, like, I think from my friends who have kids...

00:29:01.000 Once you have kids, the world shrinks, right?

00:29:05.000 It's like, what matters is your family, what matters those kids' lives, what's going on in their lives, are they struggling, do they not have friends in school, is one of them hurt, is one of them injured, are they, like, developing emotionally?

00:29:17.000 You don't have all this extra time to be worried about all these kind of, like, manifestations of outrage, right? 0.99

00:29:25.000 Like if you have two fucking toddlers that you're carrying around all day and mustard stains all over your shirt, you're not exactly going to the march about Chappelle's show and saying this is fucked up. 0.99

00:29:34.000 That's true. 0.99

00:29:34.000 And I think what happens is in these urban centers where you're saying these like cities like New York where I live and these other ones, San Francisco and LA, people are waiting so much longer to have children so they have so many more years to focus on The outrage or focus on what is wrong with the world. 0.99

00:29:53.000 Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't put focus on that.

00:29:55.000 I'm just saying it is harder when you have three kids you have to take care of and provide for every single day.

00:30:08.000 And they become activists.

00:30:10.000 It's almost like automatic.

00:30:12.000 That's when the roles dry up, though.

00:30:14.000 Yeah.

00:30:14.000 Once the roles dry up, it's like, what do I have to do to stay on the ship?

00:30:17.000 It's a little bit of that, but it's also, it's like, they want relevance.

00:30:20.000 They want something that's important to them.

00:30:23.000 And so they want to talk about, like, the problems of the world.

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 Which women with children get a little upset, saying, well, the problems of the world, like, we have to make the world better for the next generation. 0.92

00:30:34.000 I don't want my kids getting shot in school.

00:30:36.000 That's the big problem.

00:30:37.000 Yes.

00:30:37.000 The problem isn't your pronoun.

00:30:39.000 The problem is the kid could get shot in school and I don't want that.

00:30:42.000 Well, it's also you want your children to be healthy.

00:30:45.000 You don't want the rivers to be polluted.

00:30:47.000 You don't want global warming.

00:30:48.000 You want them to inherit a world.

00:30:50.000 Yeah.

00:30:51.000 One of the things that happens when there's a giant mass of people like cities is you don't feel a primal urge to procreate.

00:30:59.000 Because the people around you aren't procreating.

00:31:02.000 Because there's so many people.

00:31:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:04.000 You know, that's what coyotes do. 0.99

00:31:05.000 Do you know, when coyotes do roll call, you know, when they howl?

00:31:09.000 When they're doing that, they're checking to see who's around.

00:31:12.000 And if one of them doesn't respond, that means they're dead.

00:31:15.000 And what happens with the female is, when a coyote gets killed out of a pack, the female coyotes will produce extra offspring in their litter. 1.00

00:31:25.000 So, like, if a coyote pack remains intact and they have no threat and they do the roll call all the time and all the coyotes respond, the female will have two or three cubs.

00:31:36.000 But if they call out and then a coyote doesn't respond or one or two is dead, then the female will have five, six, seven cubs.

00:31:46.000 There's a natural thing that happens in their body where nature realizes they have to pick up the slack because there's animals that are missing. 0.65

00:31:54.000 When you're in an environment, like an urban environment, and you are stuck on the 405, and there's fucking millions of people, the last thing you think is, man, we need more people.

00:32:06.000 It's just natural.

00:32:07.000 If it happens in other animals, you got to think that it happens in people.

00:32:10.000 This brings us back to dolphins.

00:32:12.000 Elon is a coyote.

00:32:14.000 No, Elon, he's just logical.

00:32:17.000 He thinks like math.

00:32:19.000 He's like looking at this like, oh, I see where this is going.

00:32:22.000 He's like seeing it in terms of like a hundred year curve.

00:32:24.000 It's like we need a lot of people.

00:32:26.000 People are going to stop breeding.

00:32:27.000 And there's going to be a big fall off.

00:32:30.000 Okay, you were saying with dolphins though.

00:32:31.000 Dolphins, the female has to have this baby that she protects for like six, seven years, whatever the number is. 0.98

00:32:38.000 Yeah.

00:32:39.000 So male dolphins will come along. 1.00

00:32:41.000 Kill the baby. 1.00

00:32:42.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:32:43.000 They'll kill the baby to force the female into estrus. 1.00

00:32:46.000 So she'll want to breed again and she'll fuck. 1.00

00:32:49.000 So the strategy that female dolphins have devised is they become sluts. 1.00

00:32:55.000 So female dolphins fuck as many male dolphins as possible. 1.00

00:32:59.000 So everyone thinks it's theirs and they all protect it. 0.99

00:33:02.000 That's the bonobo chimpanzees thing.

00:33:05.000 Sort of.

00:33:06.000 Chimpanzees use it for problem solving. 1.00

00:33:08.000 But they use it for problem solving and they use it for conflict resolution. 1.00

00:33:13.000 They fuck to resolve tension. 1.00

00:33:16.000 Wait a minute. 1.00

00:33:16.000 They're the only animal other than us that does it for pleasure. 1.00

00:33:20.000 My understanding was specifically the bonobo chimpanzees have sex with everybody like almost family members and everybody's fucking and the idea was if everybody's fucking we have to protect everyone because everybody could be your kid, they could be your father, they could be your uncle, etc. 1.00

00:33:34.000 Sort of, but the males fuck their kids. 1.00

00:33:37.000 Which is bad. 1.00

00:33:38.000 It's bad. 1.00

00:33:38.000 You know who doesn't fuck? 1.00

00:33:39.000 The mother won't fuck the son. 1.00

00:33:41.000 That's it. 1.00

00:33:42.000 And that's our favorite porn. 0.99

00:33:43.000 Ah, stepmom porn. 1.00

00:33:45.000 I think that's why Elon's dad didn't get much shit. 1.00

00:33:48.000 Oh, he got a lot of shit. 1.00

00:33:50.000 It was for a week. 1.00

00:33:51.000 Yeah, but nobody knows who he is.

00:33:52.000 It's like, why are you concentrating on some guy from South Africa?

00:33:55.000 I mean, it's the father of the richest guy ever.

00:33:58.000 I think that there's a reasonable amount of concentration.

00:34:01.000 Sort of the richest guy ever.

00:34:02.000 Ooh, go on that.

00:34:03.000 Yeah, it's the Saudis. 0.96

00:34:05.000 They're the richest people ever.

00:34:06.000 It's not public.

00:34:09.000 Or Putin's the richest ever.

00:34:11.000 Yeah, he's one of the richest ever.

00:34:12.000 But are you the richest ever?

00:34:13.000 The royal oil families, they don't have to disclose their income.

00:34:17.000 They're trillionaires.

00:34:19.000 I talked to Dana White about this.

00:34:20.000 But that's the family.

00:34:21.000 This is a guy.

00:34:22.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:34:23.000 The amount of wealth. 0.98

00:34:25.000 The amount of wealth from pulling billions of dollars of oil out of the ground a day is fucking insane. 0.93

00:34:33.000 Do they have weapons of mass destruction? 0.94

00:34:35.000 Some countries do.

00:34:36.000 Yeah.

00:34:36.000 I mean, there's arguments that they might.

00:34:38.000 It's like, look, you could buy it from Russia.

00:34:41.000 You could buy nuclear missiles back in the day.

00:34:43.000 That's Operation Odessa.

00:34:45.000 They tried to sell that guy a submarine.

00:34:49.000 Nuclear submarine.

00:34:50.000 Yeah, to move Coke around in, and they asked him if he wanted nuclear missiles.

00:34:53.000 He's like, what?

00:34:54.000 Huh?

00:34:55.000 Yeah, because they were just trying to make money, right?

00:34:57.000 They were just selling everything they had.

00:34:59.000 I sell you a missile as well.

00:35:00.000 That's a wild thing to do.

00:35:02.000 Wild.

00:35:02.000 Sell a nuclear missile.

00:35:04.000 Yeah, to a dude who's trying to run coke under the ocean.

00:35:07.000 Dude, I've never done coke.

00:35:10.000 You ever do coke?

00:35:10.000 No, I've never done coke.

00:35:11.000 Interesting.

00:35:12.000 Yeah.

00:35:13.000 You know why I never did coke?

00:35:13.000 I put on my gums once.

00:35:14.000 Why?

00:35:14.000 Because I had a friend and his cousin was a coke addict when I was in high school.

00:35:18.000 And?

00:35:18.000 And I got to watch his life fall apart.

00:35:20.000 Interesting.

00:35:21.000 It was bad.

00:35:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:22.000 He whittled away to like 140 pounds, just stayed in his fucking... 1.00

00:35:25.000 He had an apartment in the attic with his girlfriend. 1.00

00:35:28.000 It's in Boston?

00:35:28.000 Yeah.

00:35:29.000 And all they did was, in Newton, all they did was do coke and watch TV. Yeah.

00:35:33.000 It was fucking horrible. 0.99

00:35:34.000 I watched him vanish. 1.00

00:35:35.000 It was like someone who got bit by a vampire.

00:35:38.000 Yeah.

00:35:38.000 That's how it looked to me.

00:35:39.000 I was like, ooh. 1.00

00:35:40.000 I was always scared of anything that could turn you into a loser. 0.99

00:35:43.000 Yeah, I just... 0.98

00:35:44.000 I don't know.

00:35:44.000 I don't like the energy on Coke.

00:35:46.000 Like, I have friends who are drunk, and they're fun. 0.99

00:35:49.000 Like, we got shit-faced when we did our pod, and it was fun. 0.97

00:35:53.000 How fun was that? 0.98

00:35:54.000 It was the most fun.

00:35:55.000 That was so fun.

00:35:55.000 And you said something to be interesting about just, like, what people gravitate to in general.

00:36:00.000 Maybe this is Inside Baseball podcast, but, like...

00:36:03.000 The hang, the silliness. 0.99

00:36:06.000 We weren't trying to change the fucking world. 0.99

00:36:08.000 We were just guys busting balls and having fun. 0.99

00:36:10.000 I mean, that episode was just fucking berserk. 0.98

00:36:13.000 But I see people get drunk and I do it. 0.97

00:36:16.000 And I would see people coked up and I would be really annoyed by them.

00:36:20.000 Yeah.

00:36:20.000 And I was like, I don't want to be annoyed.

00:36:25.000 Right.

00:36:25.000 Or be annoying.

00:36:27.000 Exactly.

00:36:28.000 But drunk, like, I get friends that are high. 0.99

00:36:30.000 They're fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:36:32.000 Right. 1.00

00:36:32.000 Like, the mushroom shit, it fucks me up too much. 1.00

00:36:34.000 But, like, I see friends on mushrooms. 1.00

00:36:35.000 We're just laughing.

00:36:37.000 Whatever is going to induce that laughing.

00:36:38.000 Yeah, mushrooms are not conducive necessarily to...

00:36:40.000 Although I did do mushrooms at Post Malone. 0.99

00:36:42.000 We had a great fucking podcast. 0.99

00:36:44.000 We were tripping. 0.99

00:36:46.000 And we were laughing our asses off.

00:36:48.000 He seems like a good kid.

00:36:49.000 He's a great guy.

00:36:50.000 Post is a great guy. 1.00

00:36:52.000 He's fucking cool as shit. 0.99

00:36:54.000 He's so relaxed. 1.00

00:36:55.000 And has handled fame well.

00:36:58.000 Oh, yeah.

00:36:58.000 I always look at people who have had immense fame and how they've managed it and navigated it.

00:37:04.000 Well, he's drunk a lot.

00:37:05.000 That's one of the best ways to handle it.

00:37:06.000 That's how Chappelle does it.

00:37:07.000 But yeah, you see it, right? 1.00

00:37:10.000 He's talking to the kids, fucking dripping sweat. 0.99

00:37:12.000 It was crazy. 1.00

00:37:14.000 Did you see the recent Chappelle thing?

00:37:16.000 Oh, he did a talk.

00:37:18.000 Chappelle's most...

00:37:19.000 Oh, the Netflix thing?

00:37:20.000 Yeah.

00:37:20.000 I did not see that.

00:37:21.000 I haven't seen full...

00:37:22.000 I've just seen clips, but I gotta watch it.

00:37:23.000 But, like, the most boss move of him is using Netflix as his Instagram.

00:37:27.000 Right.

00:37:28.000 Like, he's just like, I got a video.

00:37:29.000 Put this up, Ted.

00:37:30.000 Well, they'll take anything.

00:37:31.000 From Chappelle.

00:37:32.000 Yeah, they're like, what do you got?

00:37:33.000 100%. 0.99

00:37:34.000 He's like, I'm taking a shit and playing the guitar. 1.00

00:37:37.000 Run it. 1.00

00:37:37.000 Let's go. 1.00

00:37:38.000 Run it.

00:37:38.000 Is John Mayer there?

00:37:39.000 Like, whatever makes it interesting.

00:37:41.000 He did a job singing.

00:37:43.000 Everybody's a wonderland.

00:37:45.000 But yeah, man.

00:37:47.000 Yeah, well, we were talking before the podcast about what happened.

00:37:53.000 So today is...

00:37:55.000 What's today's date?

00:37:56.000 Today is the 22nd, which is a Friday.

00:38:00.000 And just yesterday, Chappelle's show got canceled in Minneapolis in a venue that...

00:38:08.000 Did Prince own it?

00:38:09.000 I think that was the Purple Rain venue.

00:38:11.000 I don't know if you've ever owned it, but I think that was...

00:38:15.000 Like synonymous with Prince.

00:38:16.000 Right, with Prince.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, I think it was called First Ave.

00:38:19.000 And something happened where these people decided that Chappelle is problematic or transphobic or what have you.

00:38:27.000 And so the venue, at the last minute, like a couple of hours before the show...

00:38:33.000 Cancelled his performance.

00:38:35.000 Yeah.

00:38:35.000 And he had to move it to the Varsity Theater.

00:38:38.000 Yeah.

00:38:38.000 And there was protests.

00:38:41.000 Yep.

00:38:41.000 And you said one of your buddies was there?

00:38:43.000 Yeah, one of my buddies went.

00:38:45.000 So they moved it to this other theater.

00:38:47.000 And first of all, the reason why the venue cancelled is because all the people that work there threaten to not go to work.

00:38:52.000 That's what I'm hearing.

00:38:53.000 So it's not like they felt like this never-ending urge to protect the community.

00:39:00.000 They wanted Chappelle.

00:39:01.000 Everybody wants Chappelle at the venue, but if everybody is at the venue is going, I'm not going to work, then you can't exactly have a show.

00:39:06.000 So they do it at the other show, this other venue, and then the protesters went to the other venue and were kind of like, I don't know, for lack of a better term, harassing the people that were going to go to the actual show.

00:39:18.000 And my buddy went there, and they were trying to fight him.

00:39:23.000 Like he wasn't even going to the show.

00:39:24.000 He was going to see what was happening.

00:39:26.000 He wasn't like part of like an anti-protest type thing.

00:39:29.000 Did he make a video?

00:39:30.000 No, but he's a Somali kid, right?

00:39:33.000 I want to get you this.

00:39:34.000 Red Band sent me a video.

00:39:36.000 Yeah, show me.

00:39:37.000 What, of the eggs? 0.99

00:39:38.000 Where the guy was gonna throw the eggs and he got that shit kicked out of his hand? 0.99

00:39:41.000 No, no, I don't know. 0.98

00:39:42.000 Yeah, I haven't seen it, so we'll see it for the first time together.

00:39:46.000 But look at this real quick before you play the video, right?

00:39:48.000 So a guy found out, one of the guys who was protesting was trying to fight him and fuck him up, found out who he was and then sends him a message, right?

00:39:57.000 And the guy's name is Anthony, and he has his pronouns he and they in the bio.

00:40:05.000 He and they?

00:40:06.000 Yeah, he and they.

00:40:07.000 Oh, sometimes I'm a they.

00:40:08.000 Sometimes I'm a he.

00:40:11.000 And if you get it wrong.

00:40:12.000 Yeah, don't get it wrong. 0.97

00:40:13.000 You're a bigot. 1.00

00:40:14.000 Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. 1.00

00:40:15.000 So he goes, hey, Abdi, I've talked with others who were there and closer to you now that the picture has become clear. 1.00

00:40:21.000 I'm very sorry that the white guy started off the whole escalation and caused a bunch of bad assumptions.

00:40:27.000 This is 100% why, as a cis white guy, I choose to follow the directions of the activists slash organizers on the ground instead of taking the lead.

00:40:34.000 I'm there to support.

00:40:36.000 It bothers me a lot that white guys do this and leave other people to pick up the mess.

00:40:41.000 I'm going to delete my replies because they didn't pick up on what was actually happening.

00:40:45.000 You know, I see your byline in MSR and Sahan Journal and look forward to reading some of your pieces.

00:40:50.000 Hope our next meeting is more peaceful.

00:40:52.000 Good night.

00:40:53.000 Did he punch him?

00:40:54.000 I don't know.

00:40:54.000 Why did he say more peaceful?

00:40:55.000 What did he do to him?

00:40:56.000 I guess they were just beefing or something.

00:40:57.000 So this is the video that Red Band sent me.

00:40:59.000 It says trans activists protesting outside a sold-out Chappelle show in Minneapolis.

00:41:04.000 So let's play it and hear what they have to say.

00:41:18.000 We're leftists! 1.00

00:41:21.000 We know that shit! 1.00

00:41:23.000 Queer phobes go home. 1.00

00:41:26.000 We're good to go.

00:41:43.000 Oh my god.

00:41:45.000 A lot of hostility out here.

00:41:46.000 But it's not a lot of people that are hostile.

00:41:50.000 It's a small amount.

00:41:51.000 It seems like there's like, if you're watching this, it seems like there's probably like 12 or 4, I don't know.

00:41:57.000 It's hard to see.

00:41:59.000 Who knows?

00:41:59.000 Yeah.

00:42:00.000 But the thing about Chappelle's special that drives me crazy, and this is one of the things that drives me crazy about cancel culture, air quotes, outrage culture, I should say, is that people don't know the full story, and they protest, and they get crazy,

00:42:16.000 and they have a narrative that they've either read or they've seen, and then they just adopt that narrative, and they run with it.

00:42:23.000 And the narrative is that his special was transphobic.

00:42:26.000 Right.

00:42:26.000 That special is not transphobic at all.

00:42:28.000 It's essentially a love letter to a friend who committed suicide.

00:42:31.000 I think that depends on your definition of transphobia.

00:42:34.000 I've talked to some trans people about this.

00:42:36.000 And they feel, if you do not believe that they are the gender that they identify as, if you believe that they're not that, that that is considered transphobic.

00:42:47.000 So, for example, in the special he's like, I don't believe that you're a woman.

00:42:51.000 I don't hate you, but I don't believe you're a woman. 1.00

00:42:52.000 Did he say that?

00:42:53.000 Something to that extent?

00:42:54.000 I don't want to mess up the exact words.

00:42:57.000 I think he said that gender...

00:43:00.000 I don't know.

00:43:01.000 Or gender is a science or something, whatever. 0.98

00:43:03.000 I don't want to mess it up.

00:43:04.000 Sorry if I didn't get exactly right. 0.99

00:43:05.000 But I think the sentiment was like, yo, if you had a penis, it's not the same thing as a woman. 0.99

00:43:10.000 I think trans women go, yeah, we know that. 1.00

00:43:12.000 No trans woman I've spoken to is like, yeah, I understand biologically I'm not a fucking woman. 0.99

00:43:17.000 I get it. 0.98

00:43:18.000 But inside I feel like a woman.

00:43:20.000 Right.

00:43:20.000 And what is inside, I guess, matters.

00:43:23.000 Here's the question.

00:43:24.000 How do they know if they feel like a woman? 1.00

00:43:26.000 I don't fucking know. 0.99

00:43:27.000 Have you seen the documentary, What is a Woman? 0.99

00:43:29.000 It's my favorite documentary.

00:43:31.000 No.

00:43:31.000 Have you seen it?

00:43:32.000 No, you told me about it.

00:43:33.000 You gotta watch it.

00:43:34.000 It's wild.

00:43:36.000 It's Matt Walsh, who's this right-wing guy.

00:43:39.000 With the beard.

00:43:40.000 Yes. 1.00

00:43:40.000 And he has the best deadpan in the fucking business. 1.00

00:43:44.000 Because all he's doing with these people is asking questions. 0.99

00:43:47.000 He's not making assumptions.

00:43:48.000 He's not being confrontational.

00:43:51.000 He's just letting them say their stuff. 0.99

00:43:55.000 And it's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:43:58.000 There's this one lady who's talking about babies. 1.00

00:44:01.000 Knowing they're in the wrong body.

00:44:03.000 Babies. 1.00

00:44:04.000 How does a fucking baby know anything? 1.00

00:44:08.000 Babies sometimes think they're dinosaurs. 1.00

00:44:11.000 My brother was a Power Ranger.

00:44:13.000 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

00:44:15.000 I thought I was a ninja.

00:44:16.000 Really?

00:44:17.000 For how long?

00:44:18.000 And then you kind of followed through.

00:44:20.000 You did Taekwondo. 1.00

00:44:22.000 You committed to that shit way too long, bro. 1.00

00:44:24.000 Wow, I got really excited about Bruce Lee movies. 1.00

00:44:27.000 But the thing is about the...

00:44:30.000 I guess identify thing is...

00:44:34.000 I was texting you this, but I thought it was really kind of funny.

00:44:36.000 Women actually opened the door for this. 1.00

00:44:38.000 Because we were objectifying you for your body parts for a long time.

00:44:41.000 And you were like, we're more than that.

00:44:43.000 It's what's inside that matters.

00:44:45.000 And now the trans people are like, yeah, it's what's inside. 1.00

00:44:47.000 And now ladies are like, fuck, yeah, kind of. 1.00

00:44:51.000 I mean, what about my pussy? 1.00

00:44:54.000 You don't think that? 1.00

00:44:56.000 JK Rowling!

00:44:57.000 That's her whole thing! 1.00

00:44:58.000 That's not what her whole thing is.

00:44:59.000 Her whole thing is that you're not a woman just because you say you're a woman. 1.00

00:45:03.000 What makes you a woman? 1.00

00:45:04.000 That pussy, Joe. 1.00

00:45:06.000 No, actually, you're every single cell of your fucking body. 1.00

00:45:11.000 Do you know that there's a movement right now amongst archaeologists where they don't want to identify dead people as male or female because you don't know how they're identified? 0.99

00:45:21.000 Oh, God.

00:45:21.000 Yes, that's what I'm saying.

00:45:23.000 That's where it goes.

00:45:24.000 You can tell.

00:45:25.000 You can dig someone up that has been dead for 100 years and you can tell whether or not that was a male or a female, meaning did they have a double X chromosome or an XY. You could tell by the structure of their body.

00:45:38.000 You could tell by many, many things.

00:45:40.000 But trans people aren't saying that.

00:45:42.000 The ones that I speak to, they're not saying, yeah, my biology is exactly equal to a woman. 1.00

00:45:48.000 They're saying, I feel like a fucking woman inside. 0.99

00:45:50.000 I feel like I'm in the wrong body. 1.00

00:45:51.000 I don't know what the fuck that feels like, but if you say that that's how you feel, it is confusing, but I can't tell you that you don't feel like you're in the wrong body. 0.95

00:45:59.000 But that was the original way they would address it. 0.98

00:46:02.000 Now they just address it in terms of the most aggressive versions of trans people. 1.00

00:46:08.000 They're saying, I am a woman.

00:46:10.000 They're not saying, I identify as a woman.

00:46:13.000 They're saying, I am a woman.

00:46:15.000 Okay. 1.00

00:46:15.000 Well, the most extreme version of everybody sucks. 1.00

00:46:18.000 The most extreme version of a dude from Texas sucks. 1.00

00:46:21.000 The most extreme version of a dude from New York sucks. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Every extreme stinks. 1.00

00:46:25.000 Extreme right sucks. 1.00

00:46:25.000 Extreme left sucks. 1.00

00:46:26.000 But those are the people who get... 0.99

00:46:28.000 The headlines, because that's the wildest thing to react to. 0.99

00:46:31.000 Like, the reasonable human being that's on the middle and has compassion for both sides never makes a fucking headline. 0.98

00:46:37.000 Look the way they paint you. 0.96

00:46:38.000 It's like, we all know who you are, right?

00:46:40.000 And then we see how you get painted by the media because it's like, that's what's gonna get people to click on it, right?

00:46:46.000 And it's like, it's a wild thing to even experience it, because you're like, I know this guy.

00:46:52.000 Like, I know who he is.

00:46:54.000 And then you see the headline, you're like, eh.

00:46:56.000 But that's what's clickable.

00:46:57.000 Dude, even with the fucking special, and I'm not trying to plug, but there's a certain amount of things that create an article, right?

00:47:06.000 When I said I bought it back, when I said that they wanted me to cut jokes, that wasn't an article yet. 0.97

00:47:11.000 When I posted one of the jokes they wanted to cut and it was an abortion joke, ding, ding, ding, trifecta. 0.70

00:47:18.000 Media goes after it.

00:47:20.000 It's...

00:47:22.000 No censorship. 0.99

00:47:23.000 Abortion, which is a hot fucking topic right now. 0.98

00:47:26.000 And I guess buying it back is like a cool thing and like putting it on itself. 0.99

00:47:29.000 Good timing with the abortion jokes. 0.79

00:47:30.000 Bro, it just shows.

00:47:32.000 You know when I filmed it, right?

00:47:33.000 Yeah.

00:47:33.000 Last September, like so long ago.

00:47:37.000 Quite a while.

00:47:37.000 Nothing changes.

00:47:39.000 Not much.

00:47:39.000 Think about it.

00:47:40.000 There are Biden jokes in there that are still relevant.

00:47:43.000 Gas prices jokes, still irrelevant.

00:47:45.000 It was one of those things where we waited so long because we had to go through the process and everything.

00:47:49.000 But talk me through the process because we got sidetracked here.

00:47:52.000 So how did this work without naming names?

00:47:55.000 Or if you want to name names.

00:47:56.000 Look, here's the thing.

00:47:57.000 The reason why I haven't named the streamer and people have said a bunch of things is because the guy there is a good guy and he fought for it.

00:48:03.000 But people have bosses.

00:48:05.000 And...

00:48:07.000 Sometimes you have to do what the boss says.

00:48:10.000 Right.

00:48:10.000 So what was the scenario?

00:48:11.000 I sold a special.

00:48:13.000 We had it ready to go.

00:48:14.000 Even before COVID, we had the deal.

00:48:16.000 Did you sell it before you filmed it?

00:48:19.000 Yes.

00:48:19.000 Okay.

00:48:20.000 Yeah.

00:48:20.000 So you had a deal.

00:48:21.000 Yep.

00:48:21.000 Had a deal.

00:48:22.000 Everything ready to go.

00:48:23.000 Did they come to see you live?

00:48:25.000 They saw me live.

00:48:25.000 They saw those jokes?

00:48:26.000 Yes.

00:48:27.000 Wow.

00:48:27.000 Okay.

00:48:27.000 So they bought it.

00:48:28.000 They go, we like it.

00:48:29.000 This is great.

00:48:29.000 At the show you were at.

00:48:31.000 Mm-hmm.

00:48:32.000 Okay.

00:48:32.000 We're good.

00:48:34.000 Everything's good to go.

00:48:37.000 Basically, the Chappelle trance thing happens and they freak out.

00:48:43.000 Culture changed. 0.96

00:48:44.000 They freak the fuck out. 0.99

00:48:46.000 I go I'm not cutting these and they start saying these like weird like corporate terms like You know, we don't want any punching down Which is like really the most like bigoted fucking way of looking at something like you have to look at yourself higher and above another person and like I get it You see a white guy on stage making fun of every different culture and person like I'm calling I'm fucking making fun of a Somali dude I'm making fun of women I'm making fun of like whoever it is Mexican yourself too though a lot exactly I'm 0.99

00:49:16.000 teasing me constantly.

00:49:18.000 Everybody gets these jokes.

00:49:19.000 That's the ethos.

00:49:20.000 You've been at the show.

00:49:20.000 You understand what it is.

00:49:21.000 And all these people, they're coming for that. 0.98

00:49:23.000 They want to be part of it because they recognize, I don't fucking hate these people. 0.85

00:49:27.000 I'm actually curious.

00:49:29.000 I don't like dissecting comedy like that too much to other people like with the comics or do it, but like I'm curious in your culture and I want to learn about it.

00:49:35.000 And like, I understand that like as an outsider, maybe I have some cool observations that like, you know, but you didn't know other people saw.

00:49:41.000 And then you get to see that kind of get exposed, and people really like that.

00:49:46.000 They like being represented by it. 0.99

00:49:47.000 I make a joke about Albanians, the fucking Albanian community shares it like crazy. 1.00

00:49:52.000 It's a really cool thing to happen. 0.99

00:49:56.000 And we had this great fucking thing at these live shows where everybody walks in the door and they just they turn off the I'm offended by everything or whatever the world is outside and it becomes like I don't know what the I don't even know what to compare it to but it kind of becomes like remember when you're riding the bus to school? 0.89

00:50:12.000 Yes. 0.97

00:50:13.000 And it's like, yo, we're all on the bus, bro.

00:50:15.000 Yeah.

00:50:15.000 Everybody's getting made fun of.

00:50:17.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:17.000 And you're going to get some shit thrown in the back of your head, and then you're going to clap back at that motherfucker for having a big nose, and he's going to clap back at you, and this girl's got red hair, we're fucking lighting her up, and it was just the best 30 minutes on the way to school. 1.00

00:50:28.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:29.000 And it's like, we've made that, and it exists, and it happens, and all this fucking outrage shit is bullshit, and you saw it in the room. 1.00

00:50:35.000 It's beautiful. 1.00

00:50:35.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:36.000 Well, the people that were there are the people that seek out that kind of humor.

00:50:40.000 Yes, that is also true.

00:50:41.000 That's the thing.

00:50:41.000 It's like, is it okay to seek out that kind of humor?

00:50:44.000 Now, if you don't like that kind of humor, don't fucking watch it. 0.99

00:50:48.000 And this is the fucking, this is the crazy thing about it. 0.99

00:50:52.000 Because I understand somewhat the the network wants like take it down and I'm fucking grateful I was even able to buy it back Okay, that's awesome. 0.98

00:50:58.000 I put it out myself right and I put out on my website and I'm only putting out for fucking two weeks Okay, there's a two-week fucking window where you can buy it.

00:51:05.000 It stops I think August 1st or July 31st I don't know but whatever the fuck I want interesting cuz I own it That's why did you decide two weeks though urgency I saw these amazing comics put specials up on like a platform like Netflix, and it just like, 0.96

00:51:21.000 it's a fart in the wind.

00:51:22.000 Like, people go, I'll get to it eventually.

00:51:25.000 Oh, it's there forever.

00:51:26.000 I'll get to it.

00:51:27.000 There's so much content.

00:51:27.000 It's so much, and there's no urgency.

00:51:29.000 I wanted a fucking pay-per-view event. 0.91

00:51:31.000 Like, there's a reason I had fucking Bruce, and you connected me, so thank you so much for that. 0.96

00:51:34.000 But like, Bruce did the intro. 0.54

00:51:36.000 Yeah, Bruce Buffer's the man.

00:51:38.000 Dude, let me tell you something about Bruce.

00:51:41.000 And Michael Irvin has this as well.

00:51:43.000 Michael Irvin, he had a term for it, man. 0.99

00:51:45.000 I forget the fucking name for it. 0.99

00:51:46.000 But he's like, I'm a hundred percenter. 0.99

00:51:49.000 I go, what's that mean?

00:51:50.000 He goes, whatever I'm doing is a hundred percent.

00:51:54.000 Bruce is a hundred percenter.

00:51:56.000 Yeah.

00:51:57.000 He could have been easy. 0.99

00:51:59.000 He could have had fucking note cards and read off the note cards. 0.99

00:52:03.000 He even said to us, he goes, let me give it another shot. 1.00

00:52:06.000 And then fucking tore the roof off the place. 0.92

00:52:09.000 Refresh this and do it from the top. 1.00

00:52:11.000 Oh, this shit is crazy. 0.99

00:52:17.000 Oh, he put the headphones on. 1.00

00:52:28.000 This is the moment you've all been waiting for!

00:52:36.000 It's time!

00:52:41.000 Pointing out of New York City!

00:52:45.000 He is the reigning defense!

00:52:49.000 And the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world, the one, the only, the infamous Andrew He's like a tomato.

00:53:11.000 He's as red as a tomato at the end.

00:53:13.000 He's the best.

00:53:13.000 He doesn't have to do it.

00:53:15.000 Oh, of course he does.

00:53:15.000 But he's 100%.

00:53:16.000 Oh, he's all in.

00:53:18.000 He's the best announcer of all time.

00:53:20.000 Ever.

00:53:21.000 And it's like, he came through, he fucking did it. 0.99

00:53:23.000 And honestly, kind of cool story. 0.99

00:53:25.000 The song that plays afterwards is by a musician named Russ, who is like the ultimate fucking indie dude. 0.99

00:53:31.000 And he's the reason I post this shit on YouTube. 0.99

00:53:35.000 He said in an interview that he wasn't getting any traction, so he said, fucking, I'm gonna put out a song a week. 0.99

00:53:41.000 Every week I'm gonna put out a song. 0.97

00:53:43.000 And I'm just gonna get better at this and keep on putting it out. 0.99

00:53:45.000 And I was like, fuck, I'm not working hard enough. 0.98

00:53:46.000 If this guy can put out a song a week, I'm gonna put out a clip a week. 0.99

00:53:50.000 And I put out a clip a week on fucking Instagram and YouTube for a year. 0.98

00:53:54.000 And that changed everything. 0.98

00:53:55.000 So I hit him up and I told him the fucking story, and I was like, dude, it would be an honor if we could have you do a song. 0.99

00:54:01.000 And he gave us a fucking unreleased song. 0.99

00:54:03.000 That's amazing. 0.99

00:54:04.000 To put on their thing.

00:54:05.000 That's dope. 0.93

00:54:05.000 That's dope too that he was the inspiration and then he brought it all around. 0.93

00:54:09.000 Yeah.

00:54:09.000 And then he's on your show.

00:54:10.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:54:11.000 But yeah, the thing with the jokes is like, I'm not editing fucking jokes, Joe. 0.98

00:54:16.000 I don't mind. 1.00

00:54:16.000 Like, you write a movie for me, tell me what the fuck to say. 1.00

00:54:19.000 If I agree to do it, I'll fucking do it. 0.99

00:54:20.000 But I made this... 0.96

00:54:23.000 I'm so grateful for you for even shining a light on what I was doing and creating this opportunity for me.

00:54:29.000 Coming on this show for the first time, not only changed my career, but I think it changed a lot of comics' career because they also started doing the YouTube stuff and Instagram stuff and it really transformed how comedy is done now for a new generation. 0.92

00:54:41.000 Literally, it's like idea and then platform and cosign can shift the fucking industry, dude. 0.79

00:54:48.000 Yeah, it can. 0.99

00:54:49.000 It was after that fucking day, man. 0.99

00:54:51.000 It was like... 0.99

00:54:52.000 So, but I made my bones putting out comedy the exact way I wanted to put it out.

00:54:56.000 I had never done comedy on TV for a network.

00:54:59.000 So the first...

00:55:00.000 That's pretty amazing.

00:55:01.000 But the first time I do it, I'm gonna start clipping jokes and like cutting lines and watering it down. 1.00

00:55:05.000 Fuck that, dude. 1.00

00:55:06.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:55:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:07.000 So, I was able to do this and like, this company, Moment House, who does these live streaming events, they're fucking awesome.

00:55:13.000 They're like, yo, let's go do it.

00:55:14.000 And, um, and we just fucking, we did it and it was, it was awesome. 0.88

00:55:19.000 Well, you know, that's what Louis CK's been doing the last couple of times. 0.94

00:55:21.000 He's, he's the inspo too.

00:55:22.000 I gotta give so much credit to Louis because like, if he didn't, and Tom Segura and Christina P, because they were doing the, your mama's house live.

00:55:29.000 Yeah.

00:55:30.000 And I was like, okay, so people will do it.

00:55:32.000 No, but I- You need to get in on that.

00:55:33.000 They're fun, yo.

00:55:35.000 Oh my god.

00:55:35.000 I did one of them.

00:55:37.000 Crazy?

00:55:37.000 It's insanity.

00:55:39.000 The shit that they play, because you could never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever play that on YouTube. 1.00

00:55:45.000 Impossible. 1.00

00:55:45.000 You only could do it on that platform, that pay-per-view platform where people know what they're signing up for. 1.00

00:55:51.000 It's horrific, man.

00:55:53.000 I drove home like dry heaving. 0.99

00:55:55.000 I was the host of Fear Factor for six fucking years. 1.00

00:55:58.000 Like, I've seen some shit, and I'm driving home, just thinking about what the fuck I saw. 1.00

00:56:04.000 It's horrific, man. 1.00

00:56:05.000 But Louis did it, he sold his, and I was like, okay, this is possible. 0.99

00:56:09.000 Now, Louis, I'm looking at, you're a fucking superstar. 0.98

00:56:12.000 I'm like, can I do that? 0.99

00:56:15.000 Can I approach it?

00:56:17.000 I was like, I think we can.

00:56:18.000 I think that if we get the word out, we have, you know, we have a podcast and we have people who subscribe to the YouTube channel.

00:56:23.000 I think there's, and obviously my friends who are willing to support it.

00:56:25.000 I was like, I think we can do it. 0.83

00:56:27.000 And, um, but yeah, if Louis didn't fucking do that and have success, I also didn't know how successful he was. 0.58

00:56:32.000 And I kind of felt like embarrassed to ask him like, how much money did you make? 0.94

00:56:35.000 Right.

00:56:36.000 Like that feels weird.

00:56:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:56:37.000 Like money's a little gross in that regard.

00:56:39.000 And, um, but then, uh, I heard that he did pretty good.

00:56:43.000 And then Tom was giving me advice about the whole thing.

00:56:45.000 And it was, Yeah, it was just fire.

00:56:47.000 It can be done.

00:56:48.000 It can be done now. 0.96

00:56:49.000 There's ways to do it if you have a big enough reach and a big enough platform, as long as you're not getting fucking censored.

00:56:56.000 You know, if you're not getting...

00:56:58.000 As long as you have some social media where you can put it out and you have like a network.

00:57:02.000 But, you know, you've got to feel a little bit vulnerable just for relying on companies.

00:57:07.000 Relying on Instagram or Twitter and, you know, it seems like...

00:57:11.000 That's the whole reason why Elon wanted to buy Twitter in the first place, because he felt like there's just...

00:57:16.000 When Babylon Bee got censored, that was when he really stepped in. 0.94

00:57:20.000 It's like, this is ridiculous.

00:57:21.000 I thought it was really cool what he did with...

00:57:24.000 He went on their podcast after that.

00:57:29.000 And...

00:57:29.000 I've seen you do these types of things, too, which is like...

00:57:36.000 Nurture the people who have been wrongfully removed or silenced.

00:57:40.000 He don't have to do that. 1.00

00:57:41.000 That motherfucker's busy. 1.00

00:57:44.000 I mean, you saw the picture of him on the boat. 1.00

00:57:45.000 Yeah.

00:57:46.000 Like, he's been working.

00:57:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:48.000 He is the whitest motherfucker that's ever lived. 1.00

00:57:51.000 I feel like he never sees the sun. 1.00

00:57:53.000 He's a volleyball.

00:57:53.000 Yeah.

00:57:54.000 A volleyball!

00:57:55.000 I looked at the head.

00:57:57.000 He is, right?

00:57:58.000 Like, I looked at the picture.

00:58:00.000 Like a corpse.

00:58:00.000 Bro, I hit up Akash and I was like, put your money in Tesla.

00:58:04.000 And he's like, why? 0.99

00:58:04.000 I'm like, this motherfucker's working. 0.99

00:58:06.000 He's not outside. 1.00

00:58:07.000 Like, Jeff Bezos is buff and fucking tan. 0.99

00:58:11.000 Amazon's in someone else's hands. 0.99

00:58:12.000 Yeah.

00:58:13.000 But Elon is in the factory still.

00:58:14.000 Yeah.

00:58:15.000 Like, he's cooking.

00:58:16.000 Oh, 100%.

00:58:17.000 Yeah.

00:58:17.000 I mean, it's interesting because it's an independent American company that makes automobiles.

00:58:24.000 It's the biggest independent American company ever.

00:58:27.000 African American, bro.

00:58:28.000 That's true.

00:58:28.000 But it's an American company in terms of like it was all founded, started, built here.

00:58:34.000 They're even building microchips now.

00:58:36.000 They're doing everything.

00:58:37.000 Because like during the COVID crisis, one of the things that got really highlighted to a lot of people is our dependence on other companies in other countries rather to produce stuff.

00:58:47.000 Yeah.

00:58:48.000 And that's one of the reasons why, you know, the United States is, they're spending money and putting a lot of effort into the manufacture of chips.

00:58:59.000 And right before they were about to announce this, Nancy Pelosi's husband, because he knew apparently, maybe, what do you think?

00:59:08.000 Maybe he got some inside news? 1.00

00:59:09.000 Bought $5 million worth of Nvidia stock, because he knew this shit was going to go up. 1.00

00:59:14.000 Which is wild. 1.00

00:59:15.000 That relationship with Nancy Pelosi and insider trading and her husband is wild.

00:59:20.000 Do you know that she's better at stock market picks than Warren Buffett and George Soros?

00:59:25.000 She can do no wrong, bro.

00:59:27.000 She should quit what she's doing. 1.00

00:59:29.000 You know why she can do no wrong, Joe.

00:59:31.000 You know why.

00:59:31.000 Why?

00:59:32.000 Them heavies? 1.00

00:59:32.000 Them fucking heavies, bro. 1.00

00:59:34.000 The heavies? 1.00

00:59:34.000 Dude, when I saw those things, dude. 1.00

00:59:37.000 The show sends me a picture of her and next to it is a guy lifting weights. 0.99

00:59:44.000 Barnyard fucking bonkers, dude. 0.99

00:59:46.000 They're giant. 1.00

00:59:46.000 It was truly... 1.00

00:59:48.000 Like, she's got implants, right?

00:59:51.000 I don't think so.

00:59:52.000 Come on, dude.

00:59:52.000 I think they're so big.

00:59:54.000 They were just sitting high like that?

00:59:56.000 She's 80 years old.

00:59:57.000 Well, they're propped up.

00:59:58.000 No, but no freckles or nothing.

00:59:59.000 They look good.

01:00:01.000 No freckles?

01:00:01.000 You get freckles when they're big?

01:00:03.000 I mean, when you get 90. You start getting sunspots and shit. 0.99

01:00:06.000 Yeah, whatever. 0.99

01:00:07.000 She had none of them.

01:00:07.000 They were pristine.

01:00:10.000 Do you think they're fake?

01:00:11.000 They're fake, bro.

01:00:12.000 Really?

01:00:13.000 I DM'd Yoni Park afterwards.

01:00:14.000 If you're an 80-year-old lady and you said, are they fake?

01:00:17.000 No, I said, I'm leaving you.

01:00:18.000 Do you think those are real? 1.00

01:00:19.000 I think those gotta be fake, but look at that fucking body right there. 1.00

01:00:23.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:00:23.000 They look kind of fake. 0.99

01:00:24.000 No, she's got it, bro. 0.99

01:00:27.000 But yeah, is her husband a crook and is she a crook? 1.00

01:00:29.000 Absolutely. 0.99

01:00:29.000 100%. 0.99

01:00:30.000 But does she have the stupid fat tits? 1.00

01:00:32.000 Yes. 1.00

01:00:32.000 She's got freckles. 1.00

01:00:33.000 She's got titty freckles. 0.99

01:00:34.000 Look at those.

01:00:34.000 Look at those yabos.

01:00:35.000 If they are fake, should we be able to comment on them?

01:00:39.000 Oh, look at that.

01:00:40.000 The inside.

01:00:41.000 What is that?

01:00:41.000 Where they touch in the center and then the chaos.

01:00:45.000 The Grand Canyon?

01:00:47.000 That's all the stuff that's seen the sun.

01:00:48.000 Yeah, but what's underneath...

01:00:50.000 It just shows you, like, Elon's got it right.

01:00:52.000 Stay out of the sun. 0.99

01:00:53.000 Yeah, but goddamn, I had no clue. 0.99

01:00:56.000 Look at the size of those cans. 0.99

01:00:57.000 Yeah, big, big, big, big, big.

01:00:58.000 You think those are fake?

01:00:58.000 I think they gotta be fake.

01:01:00.000 I think there's something else in there.

01:01:01.000 Well, they're definitely sticking out in an unusual way.

01:01:05.000 They're not just big.

01:01:06.000 They're big and out.

01:01:07.000 They're not like a tribe lady where they're sagging down. 0.99

01:01:11.000 Those suckers are out. 0.99

01:01:13.000 Out.

01:01:14.000 Could be some sort of a support bra, like a push-up bra.

01:01:17.000 Or some silicone.

01:01:18.000 It could be a lot of that. 0.99

01:01:20.000 Yeah, and if that's the case, Joe, they are the people's titties. 0.97

01:01:25.000 If my tax dollars have paid for those titties, Those are mine a little bit. 0.96

01:01:30.000 They probably haven't paid for them.

01:01:32.000 I bet our tax dollars, whatever she gets paid per year is probably barely enough to support her mortgage. 0.99

01:01:40.000 Barely. 0.99

01:01:40.000 Well, I was just trying to find an argument so I could objectify her tits. 0.99

01:01:43.000 Oh. 0.99

01:01:44.000 You could just do that.

01:01:45.000 You think that's okay?

01:01:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:46.000 She's kind of a pro.

01:01:47.000 She's enough of a scumbag? 1.00

01:01:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:48.000 That's what I was thinking about. 1.00

01:01:49.000 It's like Ghislaine Maxwell.

01:01:50.000 Same thing.

01:01:50.000 She's got the big heavies.

01:01:52.000 Is that the way you made it back in the day? 1.00

01:01:54.000 What, having big tits? 1.00

01:01:55.000 Yeah, it's like Hillary got some sweet sweater pups. 1.00

01:01:57.000 Does she?

01:01:58.000 Have you not seen that?

01:01:59.000 I don't even think of her as a woman.

01:02:08.000 I mean, I'm sure she is.

01:02:09.000 She had a child.

01:02:10.000 What is a woman, Joe? 0.88

01:02:12.000 That's the question.

01:02:12.000 What is a woman, okay?

01:02:14.000 That's the crazy thing about this documentary.

01:02:16.000 They say it's someone who identifies as a woman.

01:02:19.000 And he goes, okay, but what is that?

01:02:20.000 If everyone who goes against you gets killed or ruined, is that a woman? 0.98

01:02:25.000 No. 0.80

01:02:27.000 That might be a woman. 1.00

01:02:28.000 The fucking Clinton hit list. 1.00

01:02:29.000 Is that... 1.00

01:02:30.000 What are you saying?

01:02:36.000 I don't know what you're saying.

01:02:37.000 I'd like to agree with you.

01:02:38.000 What is happening?

01:02:40.000 Listen, this is a comedy podcast. 0.99

01:02:42.000 We're just throwing shit out here. 0.99

01:02:43.000 Don't trust us. 0.99

01:02:44.000 You hear about the latest guy?

01:02:45.000 Who?

01:02:45.000 The latest guy who he got Epstein into the White House, I think seven times.

01:02:53.000 And he was a part of the whole island thing.

01:02:58.000 This guy hung himself with an electrical cord 30 miles from his home at a ranch and shot himself in the chest with a shotgun.

01:03:06.000 Yeah, no one does that at a ranch.

01:03:07.000 Like we were talking about earlier, it's too peaceful, it's too serene. 0.99

01:03:10.000 If you're going to shoot yourself, you shoot yourself in the head. 1.00

01:03:13.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:03:13.000 A family of Bill Clinton advisor who admitted Jeffrey Epstein into White House seven times has blocked release of files detailing the death scene after he was found hanging from a tree with a shotgun blast at a ranch 30 miles from his home. 0.96

01:03:26.000 See, this is the stuff that we didn't know before the internet.

01:03:29.000 This is wild.

01:03:30.000 Well, I knew because of a book that I read a long time ago called The Strange Death of Vince Foster.

01:03:35.000 Vince Foster was a guy who was involved in a real estate adventure.

01:03:40.000 In Arkansas, was this?

01:03:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:42.000 A corrupt real estate thing that went sideways.

01:03:45.000 And they found this guy.

01:03:47.000 He had the gun in his hand, which you never do.

01:03:51.000 When you shoot yourself, this is what happens.

01:03:52.000 You don't still hold on to the gun. 0.93

01:03:54.000 It's like this bang!

01:03:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:56.000 You don't, like, hold the gun.

01:03:58.000 He's on the ground with the gun pointing at his head.

01:04:00.000 It's like a Perry Mason TV episode. 1.00

01:04:02.000 You fucking idiots. 1.00

01:04:03.000 Like, that's not a way to kill somebody. 1.00

01:04:05.000 Not only that, there was less blood in his body, like, there was less blood at the scene of the crime than was missing from his body.

01:04:13.000 So they moved him.

01:04:13.000 So they moved his body 100%, and they put him somewhere.

01:04:16.000 Yeah.

01:04:17.000 And they put the gun in his hand, which all those things point to murder rather than suicide.

01:04:23.000 And it would have incriminated Bill, right?

01:04:25.000 Yes.

01:04:26.000 This is part of the body count.

01:04:28.000 Yes. 0.98

01:04:28.000 Now, does this prove it's worth killing? 0.98

01:04:32.000 Well, this doesn't prove anything.

01:04:34.000 He ends up becoming president.

01:04:36.000 We don't know what else he was involved in. 0.51

01:04:38.000 Look, it could have been he was banging some guy's wife.

01:04:41.000 When someone gets killed, just because that person's corrupt or involved in a corrupt thing doesn't mean they're the people that kill them. 0.99

01:04:47.000 People that are often corrupt are involved in a lot of shady shit. 0.99

01:04:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:52.000 They could be banging chicks. 1.00

01:04:53.000 They could be banging dudes. 1.00

01:04:55.000 They could be fucking selling drugs. 1.00

01:04:56.000 Who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:04:57.000 You don't only do one corrupt thing. 1.00

01:04:59.000 You're a shady guy. 0.96

01:05:00.000 There's a lot of people out there. 0.98

01:05:01.000 Yeah, you're a shady guy.

01:05:03.000 When shady people get killed, people that are involved in criminal enterprises get killed.

01:05:08.000 Who knows what else they were involved with?

01:05:10.000 These people like juice. 1.00

01:05:11.000 They like the fucking, yeah, I'm doing something bad. 1.00

01:05:14.000 They like doing bad things. 1.00

01:05:16.000 Yeah, that's their adrenaline rush.

01:05:17.000 For sure. 0.99

01:05:19.000 That said, like, who fucking knows? 0.99

01:05:21.000 So the Nancy Pelosi thing, right? 0.99

01:05:23.000 Like, she's transparent about it.

01:05:25.000 She's like, yeah, I think that private citizens should be able to trade. 1.00

01:05:28.000 My husband's a private citizen.

01:05:29.000 She says that flat out, right?

01:05:30.000 Did you see the most recent denial of whether or not she told her husband?

01:05:35.000 Was she in a bathing suit?

01:05:37.000 Because if she wasn't, I didn't see it, you know?

01:05:39.000 There was a recent, see if you can find the video.

01:05:41.000 You got it here, put the headphones back on.

01:05:44.000 Well, when he gets it, you gotta see this.

01:05:46.000 First of all, there's a lot of bad actresses out there. 1.00

01:05:49.000 Amber Heard's a bad actress. 1.00

01:05:50.000 Amber Heard looks like Daniel Day-Lewis compared to her. 0.91

01:05:56.000 She's so bad. 0.93

01:05:57.000 She's so bad. 0.99

01:06:00.000 It's so fake. 0.94

01:06:01.000 It's like, oh my god.

01:06:03.000 We're seeing this way...

01:06:06.000 Look, she's an 80-year-old woman, okay?

01:06:08.000 The internet is only like, what, 25 years old?

01:06:10.000 Okay, let's listen to this.

01:06:14.000 My husband has not bought stock based on any of my information.

01:06:21.000 What are you saying?

01:06:40.000 Absolutely not.

01:06:42.000 Okay.

01:06:45.000 She pushed the mic for that. 0.99

01:06:47.000 She could just walk away.

01:06:48.000 She doesn't have to push the mic now.

01:06:50.000 Okay, this goes away now.

01:06:52.000 Okay.

01:06:53.000 Bro.

01:06:54.000 Bro. 1.00

01:06:56.000 That shit was hilarious. 1.00

01:06:58.000 That is so bad. 1.00

01:06:59.000 Absolutely not.

01:07:00.000 Gotta go?

01:07:01.000 Gotta go!

01:07:02.000 Gotta go!

01:07:02.000 Could you imagine if you really were innocent?

01:07:05.000 You would go, that is not my character.

01:07:07.000 I would never do that.

01:07:08.000 I swore an oath to be in this office.

01:07:10.000 I'm not about making money.

01:07:12.000 I'm about helping people.

01:07:13.000 So what if I make 200 grand a year and I'm worth a half a billion dollars?

01:07:18.000 That's just luck.

01:07:19.000 Usual Suspects.

01:07:20.000 You saw the movie?

01:07:21.000 Yes.

01:07:21.000 Remember the guy that they knew did it?

01:07:23.000 The guy that they knew did it was the guy that slept that night.

01:07:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:31.000 Right?

01:07:32.000 If you were accused of something you didn't do and you could go to jail, you're never gonna sleep in the jail cell.

01:07:37.000 You're freaking out.

01:07:37.000 Your life is about to be torn away from you.

01:07:39.000 You're not comfortable at all.

01:07:40.000 The guy who knows he did it...

01:07:42.000 Sleeps like a baby. 1.00

01:07:43.000 He sleeps like a fucking baby. 1.00

01:07:44.000 I think I got this right. 1.00

01:07:45.000 I hope I did.

01:07:46.000 But that's a perfect example. 1.00

01:07:47.000 Like when you know you fucked up. 0.99

01:07:49.000 Well, she's just so used to having that kind of power and also that kind of influence. 1.00

01:07:55.000 Okay.

01:07:55.000 Why do we- Absolutely not.

01:07:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:58.000 That's that.

01:07:58.000 And nothing will happen to me.

01:07:59.000 Gotta go.

01:08:00.000 Nothing will happen.

01:08:00.000 No, nothing's gonna happen.

01:08:01.000 Ever.

01:08:01.000 That's what's crazy.

01:08:02.000 Until Republicans get in control.

01:08:05.000 If the Republicans get in control, they will do something to try to- Weren't they?

01:08:08.000 Weren't they in control in the beginning of Trump?

01:08:10.000 Well, they probably prompted too.

01:08:11.000 That's the thing.

01:08:12.000 Have you ever seen the congressional list of congresspeople who benefited on the stock market?

01:08:17.000 Boy.

01:08:18.000 That's why you need a wife. 1.00

01:08:20.000 Like, that's why you need a husband. 1.00

01:08:21.000 You need someone connected to you to do the dirty work. 1.00

01:08:23.000 That's the Hunter Biden shit, right? 1.00

01:08:25.000 Like, you can't send a friend to the Ukraine. 1.00

01:08:29.000 You gotta send family.

01:08:31.000 This is like old school, if you think about it like a...

01:08:33.000 That's how they used to do it, but the problem is then you're directly connected to it.

01:08:36.000 But isn't it better because those are the only people you can trust?

01:08:39.000 Yeah, but he didn't trust his son. 1.00

01:08:42.000 His son was a classic fuck-up. 1.00

01:08:44.000 He was smoking crack on the street. 1.00

01:08:48.000 He was smoking Vietnam street crack. 0.93

01:08:53.000 That's daddy issues right there.

01:08:55.000 100%. 0.99

01:08:56.000 I hate my father. 0.99

01:08:57.000 He probably wanted to get caught. 0.95

01:08:58.000 So that his dad would suffer because he wanted to be liberated.

01:09:01.000 His dad probably wasn't around.

01:09:02.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:09:03.000 Dad was probably a shitty dad. 1.00

01:09:05.000 And here's some... 1.00

01:09:06.000 You want to talk about toxic femininity? 1.00

01:09:08.000 This is something interesting that we subscribe to. 1.00

01:09:10.000 Why is it that dad can only fuck up a kid? 1.00

01:09:15.000 Like, if a dad's not around, the daughter becomes a hooker, a stripper, an OnlyFans, or something like that, right? 0.99

01:09:21.000 If he's fucked up Hunter in some way, like, there's no way Jill, is it Jill Biden? 0.99

01:09:26.000 Like, maybe Jill Biden made him a crackhead. 0.99

01:09:29.000 Like, Joe's busy doing political shit all the time. 0.99

01:09:33.000 Jill, what are you doing? 1.00

01:09:34.000 Make sure your son's not a crackhead.

01:09:36.000 I'm trying to say, like, I don't understand, like, why it's always on us. 1.00

01:09:39.000 No matter what happens to the kid, it's our fuck-up. 0.96

01:09:43.000 Present a mommy issues argument to me. 0.95

01:09:45.000 Well, I think with men in particular, there is a thing that happens when a man grows up without a father figure.

01:09:53.000 And then with women, the thing that happens is the woman grows up longing for male attention. 0.98

01:10:01.000 I think there's a balance in nature that male, and this is not to say that a lesbian couple can't raise a healthy child because they can, or a gay couple can't raise a healthy child because they can, and it's not saying that a single mom can't raise a healthy, because there's a lot of powerful people out there that were raised by single moms.

01:10:18.000 But in some situations, there is a longing for that figure in your life.

01:10:24.000 And you see it in other people's lives.

01:10:26.000 Like, you go to your friend's house, and the dad's cool, and he takes you fishing, and everybody goes, God, I wish I had a dad like that.

01:10:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:31.000 That fucks with people. 0.99

01:10:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:33.000 Yeah, and when your dad is...

01:10:35.000 Not just one of the most powerful people in the world, at the time he was the Vice President of the United States of America, but also hooking you up with corrupt business deals.

01:10:43.000 Yeah.

01:10:43.000 So you know.

01:10:44.000 Do you know he put his dad in his phone as Pedo Peter?

01:10:48.000 Yeah, that's wild.

01:10:48.000 Because his dad had an alter ego.

01:10:51.000 It was, I think, Peter Hutchinson?

01:10:53.000 What was Joe Biden's...

01:10:55.000 He had like a deep check in hotels under a fake name, right?

01:10:59.000 Because he's Joe Biden.

01:10:59.000 He always wanted to go and get phone calls from people.

01:11:01.000 Hey, Joe, help me out with this fucking oil deal. 0.99

01:11:03.000 Come on, I'm busy. 0.99

01:11:05.000 So, he puts his dad in his phone as Pedo Peter.

01:11:09.000 He hates his dad, bro.

01:11:11.000 It has to do with Spider-Man?

01:11:13.000 Peter Parker?

01:11:14.000 Peter Parker?

01:11:15.000 Yeah.

01:11:15.000 But it's not Peter Parker.

01:11:16.000 That's what the internet says.

01:11:18.000 Oh.

01:11:19.000 Oh, okay.

01:11:20.000 So that's why Joe Biden used the name Peter?

01:11:23.000 Okay.

01:11:25.000 Well, that doesn't explain the pedo part.

01:11:28.000 The pedo is the one we have an issue with, not Peter. 0.98

01:11:30.000 One of the fucking greatest memes I saw was that Joe's bummed out that he can't sniff kids anymore. 0.99

01:11:36.000 That's as soon as he found out that he got COVID. He couldn't sniff kids. 0.99

01:11:39.000 He's like, these kids don't smell like anything.

01:11:41.000 What's going on?

01:11:42.000 Is it officially over if he survives? 1.00

01:11:44.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:11:45.000 It was over when Chris Christie survived. 1.00

01:11:46.000 That's why I lost all my fear. 1.00

01:11:47.000 How can that fat fuck can make it through COVID? I'm golden. 1.00

01:11:51.000 When I got COVID, I wasn't even a little nervous.

01:11:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:54.000 When that guy survived, I'm like, oh, let me get what he got and I'll skate through this shit. 0.99

01:11:59.000 It's crazy, right? 0.97

01:12:00.000 Like, both of my folks who are older have it now.

01:12:05.000 Right now?

01:12:06.000 Yeah.

01:12:06.000 My parents just got over it.

01:12:08.000 Just got over it.

01:12:08.000 So it's like, were you concerned?

01:12:10.000 No, I sent them help.

01:12:12.000 You know, look, I have sent nurses to...

01:12:17.000 30 people?

01:12:17.000 You hooked my wife up.

01:12:19.000 Yeah.

01:12:19.000 You got us the monoclonal.

01:12:20.000 Yeah, I've done it to like probably 30 people.

01:12:23.000 And I'm not kidding.

01:12:24.000 Yeah.

01:12:24.000 And I do it because it's the right thing to do.

01:12:28.000 I want people to know that there's other ways to get out of this.

01:12:31.000 That, you know, you don't have to just sit around and hope that your immune system takes care of it.

01:12:36.000 Like there's treatments.

01:12:38.000 Yeah.

01:12:38.000 And it's just crazy that we could be so obsessed with a thing.

01:12:43.000 Like, do you ever... 0.97

01:12:44.000 I don't know, maybe you move on beyond this shit, but, like, the collective wisdom towards COVID now is kind of like what you got in trouble for. 0.99

01:12:54.000 Right. 0.98

01:12:55.000 And, like, is there ever a part of you that's like... 0.98

01:12:57.000 Can I get a little fucking apology? 0.98

01:13:00.000 Like y'all called me a maniac for years. 0.99

01:13:02.000 You said I was killing people.

01:13:03.000 Well, people were nervous.

01:13:04.000 In the beginning, people were scared and they really felt like if you had COVID, you did something wrong if you got COVID because they really thought the vaccine protected you.

01:13:13.000 And people were dying.

01:13:14.000 Yes.

01:13:14.000 People were dying.

01:13:15.000 Yeah, 100%.

01:13:16.000 Do you know that out of the people that even hospitalization, the vast majority of them were overweight?

01:13:21.000 This guy who I like a lot was saying how many cops were dying from COVID. I go, do you know any cops are overweight?

01:13:29.000 He was saying, this is a real thing.

01:13:31.000 Do you know how many police officers are dying from COVID? More than are getting shot.

01:13:34.000 I'm like, do you know how many police officers are fat?

01:13:36.000 It's like 80%.

01:13:38.000 There's an astonishing number of police officers that are overweight.

01:13:41.000 And all my friends in the tactical world, like all my friends that are SEALs and high-level military guys, they think it's disgusting when they see overweight, obese cops.

01:13:52.000 Do you know how crazy that is? 0.99

01:13:54.000 To be a person that might be in a situation where you have to use your body to either protect others or protect yourself, and you have slovenly eaten yourself into a fucking water balloon Of fat and cholesterol. 0.99

01:14:09.000 That is interesting. 1.00

01:14:11.000 And corn syrup, you fucking slob. 1.00

01:14:13.000 Do military folks need to meet physical requirements every year? 1.00

01:14:17.000 Is there like a...

01:14:18.000 It depends on what branch, what you do.

01:14:21.000 Like seals.

01:14:22.000 You can't be a fat seal.

01:14:25.000 I'm just saying, it seems like that's a reasonable thing.

01:14:28.000 Well, you know, that's David Goggins' thing.

01:14:31.000 He was always like... 1.00

01:14:33.000 A lot of motherfuckers, they think they're savage because they were a savage for six months. 1.00

01:14:36.000 He goes, if you're a fucking savage, you're a savage 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 1.00

01:14:40.000 Wake me up at 3 o'clock in the morning. 1.00

01:14:42.000 I'll run 100 miles, motherfucker. 1.00

01:14:44.000 And he feels like if you're going to be a savage, he's a seal. 1.00

01:14:48.000 He's like, if you want to be a savage, you're a fucking savage. 1.00

01:14:50.000 That's who you are. 1.00

01:14:51.000 That's what you do.

01:14:52.000 Stay hard!

01:14:54.000 Have you ever seen him take a nap or something like that?

01:14:56.000 I'm sure he takes naps.

01:14:58.000 But I don't see it.

01:14:59.000 We've got to find David.

01:15:00.000 He sleeps.

01:15:01.000 He sleeps?

01:15:02.000 Yeah, he sleeps when he has to.

01:15:03.000 Or, like, sneak a cupcake or something like that?

01:15:05.000 Well, you don't know what an animal that guy is.

01:15:07.000 Like, let me tell you something about that guy.

01:15:08.000 That guy, not only is his knee...

01:15:12.000 His knees are so destroyed that he was running on bone-on-bone cartilage to the point where he had to get...

01:15:18.000 Well, the cartilage was gone.

01:15:19.000 Bone-on-bone.

01:15:20.000 No cartilage, right?

01:15:21.000 Yeah.

01:15:21.000 Where he had to get...

01:15:23.000 An operation, because it's called, I think it's called Wolf Syndrome, where the bone grows in a deformity.

01:15:30.000 My dad has this.

01:15:31.000 To deal with the fact, but he was, the doctor looked at his knee and he said, I can't even believe you could walk on this, never mind run thousands of miles. 1.00

01:15:39.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00

01:15:41.000 That happened to my pops. 1.00

01:15:42.000 He was running marathons back in the day, and he had a bunch of issues, but he was running them in army boots.

01:15:47.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:15:48.000 Remember boxers back in the day.

01:15:49.000 Hagler.

01:15:50.000 Hagler.

01:15:50.000 That's what Hagler would do.

01:15:51.000 I think Ali, too.

01:15:52.000 And this was like the conventionalism.

01:15:53.000 Combat boots.

01:15:53.000 You run in a combat boot.

01:15:54.000 Now, combat boots are zero art support, completely flat.

01:15:58.000 It's a reason why I think flat-footed people don't have to go to the army or didn't have to go to the army.

01:16:03.000 They couldn't go to the army.

01:16:04.000 Yeah, they wouldn't take you, right? 0.99

01:16:06.000 And so his feet got all fucked up. 0.99

01:16:08.000 His knees were all fucked up. 0.99

01:16:10.000 No cartilage either of his knees. 0.99

01:16:11.000 And then, yeah, he started to have like one of his knees has started to like warp.

01:16:14.000 You met my pops at the wedding.

01:16:16.000 And then one of his knees started to warp a little bit and his right knee is kind of like almost like bent out.

01:16:22.000 Yeah.

01:16:23.000 It's a gnarly thing that starts to happen.

01:16:25.000 Yeah.

01:16:25.000 Did he get it fixed?

01:16:26.000 No, because he's losing his memory.

01:16:30.000 Most of the time people have to get knee replacements when that happens.

01:16:33.000 Yeah, but it's tough when like, even like getting his teeth fixed and that kind of stuff, it's a harder process when they are forgetting.

01:16:39.000 Like my dad, you know, his short-term memory is pretty much gone.

01:16:42.000 So long-term memory is still intact, but short-term is still there.

01:16:45.000 Like, memories divide into two different, I guess, segments or whatever.

01:16:49.000 So, like, the things from your past you kind of remember, but the things that are happening recently you don't attach yourself to as much. 0.99

01:16:57.000 So he forgets to do shit. 0.95

01:16:58.000 Well, yeah, he forgets the things that he says to you and that kind of stuff. 0.99

01:17:02.000 Now, weirdly, he's, like, the happiest he's ever been.

01:17:05.000 And I wonder if this is, like...

01:17:07.000 Don't remember things, you'd be happy.

01:17:09.000 Yeah, like, the stress.

01:17:10.000 Or, like, he was, you know, he'd suffer from depression and that kind of stuff.

01:17:12.000 And, like, I wonder if, in a weird way... 0.97

01:17:15.000 And this is, like, some Duval-level shit where, like... 0.97

01:17:17.000 You know, what is your perception on this? 0.97

01:17:19.000 It's very easy for me to be selfishly going, my dad doesn't remember a combo I had.

01:17:22.000 But, like, the altruistic way of going is, like, what if he's dealing with less stress and he's enjoying his day and he's reading his books and he's like...

01:17:30.000 Yeah.

01:17:31.000 I mean, that's probably the way to look at it because...

01:17:34.000 You can't change it, dude.

01:17:35.000 You can't change it.

01:17:35.000 This is what it is.

01:17:36.000 Yeah.

01:17:37.000 And, like, if he's seemingly doing the best that he can for this situation, I mean, it's stressful for my mom, but, like, if he's doing the best that he can in this situation, like...

01:17:46.000 It doesn't help him at all for me to be lamenting what he's going through.

01:17:51.000 It depends about the economic situation, right?

01:17:53.000 Like if your dad's well off enough so that he can get care and get people to take care of him and you just sort of ride off into the sunset, that is what it is, you know?

01:18:04.000 But yeah, man, it's an interesting...

01:18:06.000 It was really cool.

01:18:07.000 My mom threw him an 80th birthday. 1.00

01:18:09.000 My dad's like my fucking hero. 0.99

01:18:11.000 I mean, like, you know, you were at the wedding. 0.99

01:18:13.000 And like...

01:18:14.000 Your dad had you when he was fairly old.

01:18:15.000 40. My brother at 45. Old cum, Joe.

01:18:20.000 It does the trick. 0.99

01:18:21.000 Old nut.

01:18:22.000 Old nut.

01:18:23.000 What about Elon's dad?

01:18:24.000 He's 75 and he just shot a live one in there.

01:18:26.000 That's gonna be a great kid.

01:18:27.000 Bang! 1.00

01:18:29.000 Maybe he's doing it on purpose.

01:18:30.000 Maybe he's trying to get kids on the spectrum.

01:18:33.000 It worked with Elon.

01:18:34.000 He's like, I need as many Asperger's kids as possible. 1.00

01:18:37.000 This is how we're going to change the world.

01:18:40.000 Dude, that could be it.

01:18:42.000 I wonder.

01:18:43.000 I wonder.

01:18:44.000 I don't know.

01:18:44.000 I wonder what that is.

01:18:46.000 My mom threw him his birthday party.

01:18:48.000 80th birthday.

01:18:49.000 And this was the coolest thing.

01:18:50.000 So all of his friends from throughout life came.

01:18:54.000 There's like 50 people.

01:18:55.000 And to still have 50 people who were affected by you at that age?

01:18:59.000 That's amazing. 0.99

01:19:00.000 That was fucking touching, man. 0.98

01:19:01.000 I'm 38 and I'm already shedding friends. 0.99

01:19:04.000 So all these people here and they're dancing.

01:19:07.000 And it was the most beautiful thing because all these friends are friends from decades ago.

01:19:13.000 So it was like for a night, he had his memory back.

01:19:17.000 Because all the stories that he talked about with these people...

01:19:21.000 He remembered.

01:19:22.000 They're baked into his long-term memory.

01:19:24.000 And I don't know if he realized it, but for a night, he's normal.

01:19:27.000 For a night, he's talking about history and about things that happened.

01:19:31.000 And yet he's saying some things and repeating a couple things, but they're also dancing.

01:19:34.000 So it's like momentary interactions and a lot is like move.

01:19:37.000 My parents had a dance studio growing up, so it was a big part of what they did.

01:19:40.000 And like, it was this beautiful thing that my mom gave him.

01:19:43.000 I don't even know if she realized, like, what a gift that is.

01:19:46.000 Like, to give...

01:19:48.000 Give your husband, like, normalcy? 0.98

01:19:50.000 Right.

01:19:51.000 Yeah, I just thought it was the coolest thing.

01:19:53.000 Well, that's one of the things they think happens to people, and one of the ways to avoid some of the cognitive decline is to do a bunch of different things, like drive different ways to work, don't do the same pattern every day.

01:20:06.000 And one of the things that kills people is, like, the day-in, day-out grind of the same job, the same stuff, with the same people, a lack of novelty.

01:20:16.000 What is it?

01:20:16.000 It builds elasticity in the brain tissue or something like that?

01:20:19.000 Yeah, you should always try to do new things, try to learn new languages. 0.95

01:20:22.000 Like Bertrand Russell, who was this incredible, fascinating intellectual, was sharp as a fucking tack, like deep, deep, deep into his old age.

01:20:32.000 There's some great YouTube videos of him talking about stuff, like deep into his old age. 0.94

01:20:36.000 And he was just constantly learning.

01:20:37.000 He was constantly doing stuff, just stimulating his mind, like forcing his mind to learn and study and consider things.

01:20:47.000 I think it's probably like everything else.

01:20:51.000 It's like a muscle, right?

01:20:53.000 Like if you don't use that muscle, it atrophies.

01:20:56.000 Yeah.

01:20:56.000 And I think the mind is very similar to that.

01:20:59.000 It's not the same in like you don't see the physical growth of it, but it's like it's making connections, it's doing stuff that force it into that place where it has to be considering things and learning and growing.

01:21:13.000 Working.

01:21:13.000 Yeah.

01:21:14.000 Constantly.

01:21:14.000 Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I like so many different things.

01:21:18.000 I like to do a bunch of different things.

01:21:20.000 I think it's good for the mind.

01:21:21.000 I really do.

01:21:23.000 I'm saying that because that's like the positive effects of it, but I'm just...

01:21:29.000 Drawn to doing stuff.

01:21:30.000 To doing those things.

01:21:31.000 Yeah.

01:21:31.000 And then, yeah, that's a nice benefit.

01:21:34.000 It's a nice benefit.

01:21:34.000 To doing all these things.

01:21:35.000 But it's not like I've thought it out.

01:21:37.000 But that's the tricky thing also is like, as you get more successful and more wealthy, you can remove inconveniences from your life.

01:21:45.000 And sometimes people find it inconvenient to learn a new thing.

01:21:49.000 Like to just pick up a new sport or a new hobby because they're going to deal with like the humiliating part of sucking at something.

01:21:55.000 Yeah, you get soft.

01:21:55.000 Yeah.

01:21:56.000 You get soft.

01:21:56.000 And you're like, I'm just gonna do the things that I'm good at, and then that's it.

01:21:59.000 I'm not gonna try something different.

01:22:00.000 I'm not gonna change. 0.99

01:22:00.000 So, like, low-key, this is why fucking Larry David, I think, is the GOAT. Because, like, as a comedian, like, it's very easy, like, when you get successful. 0.99

01:22:11.000 I think sometimes people get less funny when they're less successful because you remove the inconveniences in your life that push you to write the bit.

01:22:18.000 Like, I moved back to New York because I couldn't write jokes in Miami because life was too wonderful.

01:22:23.000 Really?

01:22:24.000 Dude, it was like people there, they want to hang out with their family, they want to party, they want to listen to music loud, they want to dance, they want to eat food.

01:22:32.000 That is not anything for me to push back against.

01:22:35.000 I need you raged about something, and then I want to take away your rage.

01:22:40.000 The more outraged you are, the more I want to take away.

01:22:43.000 You hate Trump?

01:22:44.000 I'm going to defend him.

01:22:44.000 You hate Clinton?

01:22:45.000 I'm going to defend him.

01:22:46.000 Whoever you are really pissed off about, I'm going to find a joke.

01:22:50.000 That's the fun for me, right?

01:22:52.000 So it's like...

01:22:53.000 I had to go back to New York.

01:22:55.000 I had to be in a place where there are gonna be people like rubbing against me.

01:22:58.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:22:59.000 And like what I admire about fucking Larry David is that like the guy has more money than God. 0.98

01:23:06.000 He could remove himself from every bit of inconvenience in his life. 0.99

01:23:10.000 Right?

01:23:10.000 He could if he wanted to.

01:23:12.000 But he's so pure.

01:23:14.000 That even if he tried, it wouldn't work.

01:23:16.000 Well, what does he do?

01:23:17.000 Bro, do you have the video of him introducing Ariana Grande on SNL? This is...

01:23:23.000 Just watch this video.

01:23:25.000 It's just...

01:23:26.000 He can't not be himself.

01:23:29.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

01:23:30.000 All he has to do is introduce Ariana Grande.

01:23:34.000 That's it.

01:23:37.000 Just leaves.

01:23:38.000 Just leaves, okay?

01:23:41.000 He just...

01:23:41.000 He fucks up the name, but it's not like you threw out a first pitch.

01:23:45.000 Let me see this again. 0.69

01:23:49.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Ariara...

01:23:56.000 Joe, you could practice the name.

01:23:58.000 You could just say it.

01:24:00.000 You've been to Starbucks. 0.99

01:24:01.000 Grande's not the hardest fucking thing to say, right? 0.97

01:24:03.000 And he knows he messed it up, and he doesn't even try to fix it. 0.97

01:24:07.000 He goes, why? 1.00

01:24:08.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:24:08.000 My job's done. 1.00

01:24:10.000 Moves on.

01:24:11.000 It's like, why does ice need to be a circle?

01:24:13.000 What's wrong?

01:24:13.000 The world is constantly rubbing against him.

01:24:17.000 I thought initially that he did Curb, and I was like, oh, is he just trying to tell people that he was the talented one, not Jerry, and Jerry's getting all the fucking credit, right? 0.99

01:24:25.000 And he's like, let me show these motherfuckers. 0.99

01:24:27.000 This guy makes the B movie. 1.00

01:24:28.000 I'm going to make fucking Curb. 0.98

01:24:29.000 I'll show you the difference in who's a comedian here. 0.98

01:24:33.000 And then now I really think it's just there are things that bother me, and I don't do stand-up.

01:24:38.000 I do this, and I just need to get this out in the world.

01:24:42.000 It's not money.

01:24:43.000 The guy's got money.

01:24:44.000 Attention, maybe. 0.99

01:24:45.000 But I think there's a fucking purity to him. 0.99

01:24:48.000 Well, there must be, right? 0.99

01:24:49.000 Because he's not balling out of control with all that money.

01:24:52.000 He was driving a Prius for the longest time, and now he drives one of them little electric BMWs.

01:24:57.000 Wait a minute, with like the half-door thing?

01:25:00.000 Half-door thing?

01:25:01.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:25:02.000 Not that one.

01:25:03.000 The nerdy one. 1.00

01:25:05.000 The shitty one. 1.00

01:25:06.000 They're all nerdy. 1.00

01:25:08.000 It's like the I something or another. 0.98

01:25:09.000 Not the cool one that looks like a sports star.

01:25:11.000 Yeah, look at that thing. 0.99

01:25:11.000 Yeah, look at the back door. 0.99

01:25:12.000 It's like weird.

01:25:14.000 Oh yeah, it opens like suicide.

01:25:16.000 Oh, it does?

01:25:17.000 Yeah.

01:25:17.000 Oh, it opens like a Rolls.

01:25:18.000 Yeah.

01:25:19.000 But yeah, the guy is...

01:25:21.000 He's pure, man.

01:25:22.000 As far as comedy goes.

01:25:23.000 The BMW i3, that's what it is.

01:25:26.000 A cute little car.

01:25:27.000 Yeah.

01:25:27.000 A little electric car.

01:25:28.000 We were talking about this before, about like...

01:25:33.000 Like people's relationship with wealth.

01:25:35.000 Yeah.

01:25:36.000 And how, you know, you said something to me that like people will resent wealth if you showcase it and you brag about it.

01:25:43.000 And it's like, and it is true. 0.99

01:25:45.000 And I think you see this with like the Kardashians a lot where it's like people can't stop looking at them, but they also can't wait to shit on them. 0.99

01:25:51.000 Right. 1.00

01:25:52.000 And they hope they fall apart. 1.00

01:25:53.000 They fucking hope, but they can't stop looking. 1.00

01:25:55.000 So it's like, they're flaunting what they got, but every second they do something wrong, Kylie takes a jet from here to here, how dare you, you're a climate killer! 0.98

01:26:04.000 I was reading an article about all the celebrities that are eco-conscious, that are all flying private jets, but they were detailing the short jets, the short Three minutes!

01:26:17.000 But here's my favorite one.

01:26:18.000 They were talking about Mark Wahlberg, that Mark Wahlberg flew his private jet from LA to Van Nuys, and he could have taken a bus.

01:26:27.000 That's what they said.

01:26:28.000 Oh, like, yeah, let me get Mark Wahlberg on a bus. 1.00

01:26:31.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:26:33.000 You just show. 1.00

01:26:34.000 He could just be on a bus and he could just wear sandals and he could just give all his money to Africa. 1.00

01:26:39.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:26:41.000 And I think it's to your point. 1.00

01:26:42.000 There's a fucking resentment of it, but you're so drawn to it. 0.99

01:26:46.000 There's an attention thing. 0.99

01:26:47.000 You can't look away from it.

01:26:50.000 And then I thought of Jay Leno.

01:26:53.000 And that's what I was telling you earlier.

01:26:54.000 Yeah, we were talking about this earlier.

01:26:55.000 And I think something happens where, like, Jay loves cars. 0.99

01:26:58.000 He has his fucking garage full of cars. 0.99

01:26:59.000 No, no, he's got 11 garages full of cars. 1.00

01:27:02.000 11?

01:27:02.000 11 warehouses.

01:27:03.000 I went to it.

01:27:04.000 Wait, did you do the show?

01:27:05.000 I was on the show.

01:27:06.000 Yeah, I was on the show, my 65 Corvette.

01:27:09.000 Yeah, see if you can find the video.

01:27:11.000 Yeah, I have a 65 Corvette that's a Restomod. 0.99

01:27:15.000 It's a fucking beautiful car. 0.98

01:27:17.000 Have you ever seen it? 1.00

01:27:17.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:27:18.000 Have you seen that one?

01:27:18.000 Wait a minute.

01:27:19.000 Was it in the studio in LA? Maybe.

01:27:21.000 That's my car. 1.00

01:27:21.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

01:27:23.000 Yeah, that's insane. 1.00

01:27:23.000 Come on, son. 1.00

01:27:24.000 And Jay Leno's the only person besides me that's ever driven that thing.

01:27:27.000 I mean, since I bought it, rather.

01:27:29.000 I've had it for like five or six years, I think.

01:27:31.000 Probably a little more than that now.

01:27:33.000 I've been out here for two.

01:27:35.000 So me and Jay were hanging out in this in this video here.

01:27:39.000 We're hanging out in one of his garages.

01:27:42.000 One of his warehouses. 1.00

01:27:44.000 He had 11 look how I dress a fucking slob I am. 1.00

01:27:48.000 He's wearing jeans. 1.00

01:27:49.000 Yeah me too.

01:27:50.000 But on top too.

01:27:52.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:27:53.000 He's wearing a jean shirt.

01:27:54.000 That's what they call Canadian tuxedo.

01:27:56.000 But his passion for cars is 100% organic. 1.00

01:28:02.000 Look at that fucking car. 1.00

01:28:03.000 I mean, it's beautiful. 1.00

01:28:04.000 That's America right there.

01:28:05.000 Yeah, it's beautiful. 1.00

01:28:06.000 Look at that fucking thing! 1.00

01:28:08.000 God! 1.00

01:28:09.000 I was looking at that today in the garage.

01:28:11.000 I just walked around my garage and stared at it.

01:28:13.000 It's beautiful.

01:28:13.000 I love it.

01:28:14.000 It's America.

01:28:16.000 1965, son.

01:28:18.000 Here's what it is.

01:28:19.000 You care about it. 1.00

01:28:20.000 He fucking, he cares about the car. 1.00

01:28:22.000 Like he knows the things about the car. 0.99

01:28:24.000 And when there's passion attached to something, I think that you stop judgment because he's not doing it so that other people look at it.

01:28:31.000 Right. 0.99

01:28:31.000 He's doing it because he loves the fucking car. 0.99

01:28:33.000 Well, he is fascinated by automobiles and he loves them so much that it comes through. 1.00

01:28:39.000 And one of the things that I said to him, I said, you are so good at hosting this show.

01:28:44.000 I go, this is like, you feel so much more natural than when you were doing Tonight Show.

01:28:48.000 And he was like, oh, yeah.

01:28:49.000 He goes, this is the real me.

01:28:51.000 It's like, The Tonight Show is like, I'm talking to people sometimes. 1.00

01:28:54.000 I don't care about their fucking show. 0.99

01:28:55.000 You don't care about Keira Knightley's movie. 1.00

01:28:56.000 I don't care about this movie.

01:28:58.000 And not only that, he didn't get to pick.

01:29:00.000 Who was on?

01:29:01.000 Right.

01:29:01.000 That's the thing between podcasts and late night.

01:29:05.000 Late night, they bring you.

01:29:07.000 Oh, you're going to have this person and that person and then there's this band.

01:29:11.000 You've got to do your best talking to these people.

01:29:14.000 To be interested in a boring actress or actor.

01:29:17.000 I was looking at Nikki Glaser's Instagram when she was talking about sitting down with Seth Meyers.

01:29:24.000 She was like, I had a great fun time for seven minutes with Seth Meyers.

01:29:28.000 I was like, Seven minutes. 1.00

01:29:31.000 So you flew to fucking New York. 0.99

01:29:32.000 For seven minutes. 1.00

01:29:35.000 On this stupid thing that... 1.00

01:29:37.000 It's like... 1.00

01:29:37.000 Not that it's a stupid thing, but it's like... 1.00

01:29:39.000 It's not as good. 0.99

01:29:42.000 It's not as good.

01:29:43.000 It's like no one's going to get to know you in seven minutes.

01:29:45.000 You'll have a fun story and people go, Oh, I like her. 0.93

01:29:48.000 And maybe a few more people will go see you at a comedy club.

01:29:52.000 Maybe. 0.99

01:29:53.000 But the reality is, it's like a shit way to... 0.99

01:29:56.000 To have a conversation. 0.99

01:29:58.000 And that's what Jay was doing for the longest time.

01:30:02.000 And now what Jay's doing is he has people on and he hangs out with them all day.

01:30:07.000 Me and him were together for hours.

01:30:10.000 So even after you're filming, are you still looking at the cars?

01:30:13.000 Oh yeah!

01:30:14.000 He took me on a tour.

01:30:15.000 It's 100% real. 0.82

01:30:16.000 When there was no one around, he's showing me this fucking jet engine Oh, the Rolls Royce that has the jet engine, and he's got one that has a steam engine, and he has one that's like a tractor, but it had metal wheels that it rolls around on metal wheels, and he actually had to put rubber over the metal so he could take it on the street, 0.92

01:30:35.000 because he drives all of them on the street. 0.99

01:30:37.000 He's got these cars that are worth a million dollars, and he just drives them around, waving to people and shit. 0.98

01:30:42.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:30:42.000 He's real. 0.98

01:30:44.000 And when you watch it, that translates.

01:30:46.000 Yes.

01:30:47.000 That's what translates.

01:30:49.000 Authenticity.

01:30:50.000 And that's for the first time in his career, Jay Leno exudes authenticity.

01:30:55.000 You're like, oh, you're a star.

01:30:57.000 Well, the people didn't like him before because he didn't seem authentic.

01:31:01.000 Because he wasn't being authentic.

01:31:02.000 And now they love him.

01:31:04.000 That show gets no criticism. 0.99

01:31:06.000 Jay Leno's Garage is a fucking excellent show. 0.98

01:31:08.000 No one has ever said, this is too much. 0.99

01:31:10.000 Right.

01:31:11.000 No one has ever said, oh, you could be donating this money somewhere else.

01:31:14.000 Exactly.

01:31:14.000 Because it's like, you're taking away the thing he loves the most.

01:31:17.000 Right.

01:31:17.000 You don't want to take love away from...

01:31:18.000 It doesn't hurt anybody that has these fucking cars. 1.00

01:31:20.000 And clearly, he's not wasting the money on clothes or something stupid. 1.00

01:31:24.000 Right, exactly. 1.00

01:31:25.000 He fucking wears the same thing every episode! 1.00

01:31:27.000 It looks ridiculous! 1.00

01:31:28.000 I know, but that's how he dresses. 0.99

01:31:30.000 He doesn't give a fuck about what he looks like. 1.00

01:31:31.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:31:31.000 He cares about what those cars look like. 0.99

01:31:34.000 He loves those cars.

01:31:34.000 He cares about their clean.

01:31:35.000 Yeah.

01:31:36.000 I think he even has, isn't there a way to run them?

01:31:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:40.000 Because some of these are so old, you have to run them frequently, right?

01:31:42.000 Oh, no, he has a full staff that takes care of them.

01:31:44.000 A full staff of mechanics.

01:31:46.000 I know.

01:31:46.000 There's a bunch of people.

01:31:47.000 He's got fabricators.

01:31:49.000 Yeah.

01:31:49.000 You know what that means?

01:31:50.000 People that make fenders and shit. 0.99

01:31:52.000 He's got big sheet metal machines. 0.78

01:31:54.000 Oh, they're replacing Yeah, they can make stuff because a lot of these things are so old.

01:31:59.000 They don't even have the parts for them anymore.

01:32:00.000 So he has fabricators that'll make him new fenders.

01:32:04.000 So isn't that cool?

01:32:05.000 Like you see somebody who Okay.

01:32:08.000 I'll bring this to Italy a little bit.

01:32:10.000 When I was in Italy on my honeymoon, I went to Amalfi, and it was amazing.

01:32:14.000 And then I went to the Isle of Capri, right?

01:32:17.000 Which was naturally beautiful.

01:32:18.000 It's called Capri.

01:32:19.000 Capri, sorry.

01:32:20.000 Jesus Christ.

01:32:21.000 Capri's a son.

01:32:22.000 Capri's a son.

01:32:23.000 It's like a drink.

01:32:24.000 Yeah.

01:32:25.000 The best drink.

01:32:26.000 So we're on this island, and it's like, I'm there, and I realize...

01:32:31.000 It feels like everyone there wants people to know they're there and wants people to look at them and look how big my yacht is and look I'm gonna buy this thing from this store I'm gonna buy that and when I was on Amalfi it felt like people were there to enjoy the most beautiful coastline That could exist.

01:32:49.000 And there was this immediate, I don't know, it's stupid to call it disgust, but there was immediate change in energy when we went for this other place.

01:32:57.000 And there was probably equally wealthy people staying at this other place. 0.68

01:33:00.000 But they were the type of people who aren't like, hey, look how wealthy I am.

01:33:03.000 They were the type of people like, Oh, this is beautiful.

01:33:05.000 Oh, this restaurant over here is absolutely gorgeous, and I think you really like this experience. 1.00

01:33:09.000 And there was something fucking gross about seeing stupid Tommy Hilfiger's yacht with the big fucking flag. 0.99

01:33:16.000 You need them to know it's your yacht. 1.00

01:33:18.000 It can't just be a yacht, Tommy.

01:33:19.000 You need them to know that it's the Hilfiger yacht.

01:33:23.000 It's just like, I don't know, for that right there...

01:33:27.000 It's a guy who loves a thing that he's doing. 0.98

01:33:29.000 And there are people who probably collect toys that love what they're fucking doing. 0.94

01:33:32.000 And I like seeing it. 0.97

01:33:34.000 And it makes me fucking happy when I see it. 0.96

01:33:36.000 And I don't care how much money you spend on it. 0.99

01:33:38.000 And I'm not even going to call it waste because it's giving you fucking joy. 1.00

01:33:41.000 When I see the fucking Saudis ship all their cars to drive them around in London and it's a fucking orange Lamborghini. 1.00

01:33:48.000 If my daughter fucks a guy who drives an orange car, I'll fucking kill myself. 1.00

01:33:50.000 Ah! 1.00

01:33:51.000 I literally mean that.

01:33:52.000 Like, what is the point of it?

01:33:54.000 Right?

01:33:54.000 It's all just, hey, look at all...

01:33:56.000 And we have a little bit of that in us, don't get me wrong.

01:33:57.000 I like attention.

01:33:58.000 I do stand-up comedy.

01:33:59.000 But when you see something that a guy's obsessed with...

01:34:03.000 Yeah, but you like attention for your work.

01:34:05.000 That's true.

01:34:06.000 It's a different thing.

01:34:08.000 You like attention for the things that you create.

01:34:11.000 The dance that you do on stage.

01:34:14.000 The art that you create, the comedy, the way it gets into people's minds and enhances their experience and enhances their day, and they leave talking about that joke or this joke.

01:34:25.000 Remember when that happened and the Pakistani guy? 1.00

01:34:28.000 It's like you make people feel good.

01:34:31.000 It makes people feel better.

01:34:32.000 That's a different thing than like, look at what a baller I am.

01:34:35.000 That's like the lowest rung of wanting attention.

01:34:38.000 Yeah.

01:34:39.000 It's like you're associating yourself with something that has this value. 0.98

01:34:42.000 And I'm fucking guilty of it, for sure. 0.95

01:34:44.000 But, like, the real things that I admire and the people that I admire are doing the thing that they fucking love to do. 0.97

01:34:49.000 There's, like, an artsiness in it.

01:34:51.000 And I love it, dude.

01:34:54.000 And, like, I don't know.

01:34:55.000 And we were thinking about this, like, and I wonder if it's something, like, coming up in New York.

01:34:58.000 I didn't even realize this, but, like...

01:35:01.000 New York is a finance city.

01:35:02.000 We know it's finance and there's a lot of...

01:35:04.000 But there's something artsy about it. 0.99

01:35:05.000 Like, even in elementary school, they're taking us to these fucking museums. 1.00

01:35:09.000 And we're walking around like, the fuck is all this dumb shit? 1.00

01:35:11.000 But, like, they're indoctrinating us at a young age. 1.00

01:35:13.000 Like, hey, art is cool.

01:35:15.000 There's different types of art.

01:35:16.000 Right.

01:35:17.000 And you should enjoy this.

01:35:18.000 Right.

01:35:18.000 And there's something about, like, the people that get popular in New York.

01:35:22.000 Even women in New York think, like, finance bros are douchey. 0.98

01:35:26.000 Now, they're still going to marry him.

01:35:28.000 But there's a moment where they're like, oh, he's a finance bro.

01:35:31.000 There's a coolness factor.

01:35:34.000 If you're good at your art, it could be painting, it could be whatever the breakdancing, it could be whatever it is.

01:35:39.000 You're elevated.

01:35:41.000 And I think growing up with that, seeing people who are great at what they did.

01:35:44.000 My favorite comedian growing up wasn't the most famous.

01:35:47.000 Patrice wasn't the most famous, but he was the best. 0.98

01:35:50.000 And I fucking admired it. 0.90

01:35:51.000 And I was like, that's the best. 0.99

01:35:54.000 That's the best I've ever seen.

01:35:56.000 And yeah, that is what I'm always kind of inspired to do and create.

01:36:00.000 And I still want to provide for my family, but like, if it's not...

01:36:03.000 You want to do great art.

01:36:05.000 That's it, man.

01:36:05.000 And it sounds weird, like, Columbia's art.

01:36:08.000 But it is.

01:36:09.000 It's a thing you create.

01:36:11.000 Yeah, I'm not afraid of that word, art.

01:36:13.000 It's like I'm not afraid of the word love.

01:36:15.000 You know, there's a lot of people who are afraid of certain words because they can have a douchey connotation to them.

01:36:21.000 But I think art is, it could be painting, it could be like, I love art, obviously.

01:36:26.000 If you go around my studio, it's filled with art.

01:36:29.000 There's this artwork everywhere, all over this place.

01:36:32.000 It's artwork.

01:36:32.000 I'm fascinated by people's artwork.

01:36:35.000 I love it.

01:36:37.000 I think it's like the greatest thing that humans create, other than other humans, is these things where they express themselves through their work, whether it's a book or a song or furniture.

01:36:52.000 You make stuff.

01:36:54.000 I love engineering.

01:36:56.000 That's what I love about cars.

01:36:57.000 I love the way they look.

01:36:59.000 But I love that someone created it.

01:37:02.000 It's a thing made from a person's mind.

01:37:05.000 We were talking about custom cars, why I love cars like that, Corvette.

01:37:09.000 I love that someone made that. 0.99

01:37:11.000 I love this fucking clock. 1.00

01:37:13.000 This clock, someone made this. 1.00

01:37:15.000 I love this chimpanzee skull that's made out of symbols.

01:37:20.000 Brass, like, Zildjian symbols. 0.99

01:37:22.000 It's got, like, the logo on the back.

01:37:23.000 Oh, like, drum symbols?

01:37:25.000 Yeah, yeah, look right there.

01:37:25.000 Oh, wow.

01:37:26.000 See, it says Zildjian? 0.99

01:37:26.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:37:27.000 Yeah, this dude cut this up.

01:37:29.000 Shane Against the Machine.

01:37:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:30.000 On Instagram, he's the fucking shit. 1.00

01:37:33.000 I've got a few pieces of his. 1.00

01:37:35.000 I have, um...

01:37:36.000 Where's our army helmet?

01:37:38.000 Is that in storage?

01:37:40.000 Yeah.

01:37:40.000 Probably.

01:37:41.000 We brought it back from LA. But on the other old desk, we had a World War II army helmet with a bayonet that he turned into a lamp.

01:37:51.000 That's not mine exactly, but it's pretty similar.

01:37:55.000 But those are real helmets that they found in France in a battlefield.

01:38:00.000 Apparently there's an area in France where you could find these things.

01:38:04.000 They're all over the place.

01:38:04.000 They're just still there.

01:38:05.000 Yeah, because these people just died and they left them there.

01:38:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:38:07.000 So many fucking people died during World War II. No one cleans up after war. 0.99

01:38:11.000 Uh-uh.

01:38:11.000 Not in those spots.

01:38:12.000 There's a place in France that's as big as Paris that you can't go to because it's so toxic from all the bombs and the spent munitions.

01:38:23.000 What is that?

01:38:23.000 Find that spot.

01:38:24.000 There's an area that is the size of Paris in France.

01:38:28.000 It's uninhabitable just because of the war.

01:38:31.000 World War I or II? World War II. Okay.

01:38:33.000 Okay.

01:38:34.000 Pretty shorts, too.

01:38:36.000 Either way.

01:38:37.000 But still, yeah, I don't know.

01:38:38.000 It's an enormous chunk of land.

01:38:43.000 Look at this.

01:38:44.000 The red zone.

01:38:45.000 Zone rouge.

01:38:47.000 Yeah.

01:38:48.000 It's a non-contagious area, non-contiguous area throughout northeastern France.

01:38:55.000 The French government isolated after World War I. First World War.

01:38:59.000 That's the trench, yeah.

01:39:03.000 Yeah.

01:39:05.000 Yeah.

01:39:09.000 Yeah.

01:39:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:23.000 Yeah, just fucking devastated by bombs and shit. 1.00

01:39:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:27.000 And so this dude, Shane Against the Machine, go to his Instagram page so you can see some of his work. 0.99

01:39:32.000 He went there to get... 0.97

01:39:33.000 He does a lot of dope shit with metal. 0.99

01:39:35.000 He's an artist. 0.99

01:39:36.000 I have this really cool skull at home.

01:39:38.000 Look at this cool hummingbird he made.

01:39:40.000 Look how badass that is.

01:39:41.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.98

01:39:42.000 I mean, his work is fucking incredible. 0.99

01:39:44.000 Just really dope shit that this guy does. 0.99

01:39:48.000 So I think that we have like a natural attraction to purity in art. 0.99

01:39:53.000 Yeah, to things people create, man.

01:39:55.000 Yeah, and I think that you can tell the difference.

01:39:58.000 Like, I think...

01:39:59.000 For example, McDonald's is an amazing business, and they've made this incredible workflow and completely top-down integration.

01:40:10.000 It's basically a land-owning company.

01:40:12.000 To make this business was unbelievable.

01:40:15.000 That being said, the quality of the food, which is consistent, which is important, is great, but you're not going, wow, man, that was the best meal I've ever had.

01:40:22.000 But then sometimes you have meals, and you're like... 0.95

01:40:27.000 You fucking love this so much. 0.84

01:40:30.000 Like, I think partially that's why we're drawn to sushi, is you see how delicate they're putting together these, like a piece of nigiri, right? 0.99

01:40:39.000 And there's like a single flake of a thing.

01:40:41.000 And you're like, I think a little part of me is just going...

01:40:44.000 You love this, bro. 0.99

01:40:45.000 You fucking love this. 0.99

01:40:47.000 Yeah, you're shaving truffles onto that thing and adding caviar to the top and salmon roe. 0.99

01:40:53.000 It's nice to see somebody passionate about it.

01:40:56.000 And that's the Italian thing also.

01:40:58.000 I think it's like...

01:40:59.000 I don't know, just culturally, and I wonder if we get there too, but like, this culture has existed for, Italy's young, right?

01:41:08.000 Italy's, what, 1947 is when we get Italy?

01:41:13.000 What?

01:41:13.000 Italy, the country, is post-World War II, right?

01:41:16.000 It's this Italian Republic or whatever it is?

01:41:18.000 What was it before then?

01:41:20.000 1847, it was a monarchy, I think, and then before 1847- Oh, so as a government, but when was it named Italy?

01:41:28.000 I don't know.

01:41:28.000 You can look that up.

01:41:29.000 I feel it.

01:41:30.000 I think 1847, it was like the papal estates or something like that.

01:41:33.000 And I think for like a thousand years, it existed under that jurisdiction.

01:41:35.000 And then 1947, I think we have modern, right?

01:41:38.000 So Italy, as we know, it is younger than America. 0.77

01:41:41.000 Right.

01:41:41.000 But culturally, they're thousands of years old.

01:41:44.000 Yeah.

01:41:44.000 The food, the interaction, just the way of life.

01:41:48.000 We stayed in Rovello. 0.98

01:41:50.000 Ravello's fucking amazing. 0.94

01:41:53.000 I'm a big fan of Gore Vidal, and Gore Vidal used to live in Ravello. 0.96

01:41:57.000 That's where he did a lot of his writing.

01:41:59.000 He lived in Ravello, had this house just overlooked off a cliff, overlooked the bay, and did some of his great writing there.

01:42:05.000 Did you read Gore Vidal's thing on Venice?

01:42:08.000 He wrote a book about Venice?

01:42:09.000 No, I didn't.

01:42:10.000 Yeah, he's interesting.

01:42:11.000 He's good.

01:42:11.000 Oh, he was amazing.

01:42:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:14.000 Anyway, this church across from where we're staying is over a thousand years old.

01:42:20.000 It's the one in Ravella or the one in Amalfi?

01:42:22.000 The one in Ravella.

01:42:23.000 Okay.

01:42:23.000 And then underneath the church is a church so old, they don't even know who made it.

01:42:31.000 They don't know how old it is.

01:42:32.000 And there's a glass floor, and you could look down into this older church. 0.98

01:42:39.000 So they built this new church that's a fucking thousand years old on top of an old church. 0.91

01:42:45.000 So that's from my Instagram page. 0.99

01:42:48.000 Oh, wow.

01:42:48.000 Yeah.

01:42:49.000 Look at that.

01:42:50.000 Yeah.

01:42:51.000 The church in Rovell is a thousand years old and sits on top of the ruins of a far older church.

01:42:55.000 It's a glass floor.

01:42:56.000 You could look down at the old one.

01:42:57.000 The people that work there say they have no idea how old the original ruins are.

01:43:01.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:43:02.000 It was dope as fuck, dude. 0.98

01:43:03.000 But you could just walk around and look down. 0.99

01:43:06.000 And see thousands of years of human history. 0.99

01:43:08.000 This is like, how many fucking generations of humans? 0.98

01:43:12.000 And there's these paintings on the wall. 0.99

01:43:14.000 And one of them was a painting of what they thought was a whale.

01:43:18.000 But...

01:43:18.000 But they didn't know what a whale looked like.

01:43:21.000 So they had this image of a whale.

01:43:23.000 It's in that group of photos, I think.

01:43:26.000 Around the same time, Jamie, I took a...

01:43:30.000 It's like in that same time.

01:43:32.000 I found it off Google.

01:43:32.000 So this is 204 weeks ago.

01:43:34.000 Yeah, I found it off Google.

01:43:35.000 I couldn't get back to it that way. 0.99

01:43:36.000 But there was a photo of a fucking whale. 0.99

01:43:40.000 And it's the weirdest looking thing. 0.99

01:43:42.000 It looks like a fish with a human face.

01:43:44.000 It's so strange looking.

01:43:45.000 But it's like these people had this...

01:43:50.000 Version of the world.

01:43:52.000 There it is.

01:43:53.000 That was, look at that. 0.99

01:43:55.000 I mean, what the fuck is that? 0.99

01:43:57.000 It's got feet. 0.99

01:43:58.000 Yeah.

01:43:59.000 Wild, right?

01:44:00.000 Swallowing a human. 1.00

01:44:01.000 I'm just hanging out here and the fucking whale's eating me. 1.00

01:44:02.000 It's like Ari Shafir. 0.99

01:44:04.000 It looks like Ari. 0.89

01:44:05.000 It does look like Ari!

01:44:07.000 Ari getting eaten by a whale.

01:44:09.000 But yeah, I don't know.

01:44:10.000 You can just walk by something that's a thousand years old there, and it's just out in the open.

01:44:15.000 Okay, so why is that so compelling?

01:44:17.000 Well, because it's history.

01:44:19.000 I mean, it's also, it's a window into the...

01:44:23.000 Humanity, right?

01:44:23.000 Yeah, what happens to humanity over time.

01:44:26.000 Like, one of my favorite things was the Coliseum. 0.87

01:44:29.000 Because you walk around there and you're like, how fucking wild were these people?

01:44:36.000 They used to fill that place up with water and have boat fights. 1.00

01:44:39.000 They would stab each other from boats and everybody would go, ho ho ho, more wine, let me fuck kids. 0.99

01:44:45.000 And they were? 1.00

01:44:46.000 They were fucking kids, yeah. 1.00

01:44:48.000 They were fucking everybody back then. 1.00

01:44:49.000 Everybody, like there's that brothel in Pompeii. 0.99

01:44:52.000 It's like preserved.

01:44:53.000 Have you seen this?

01:44:54.000 I went to Pompeii.

01:44:55.000 I don't remember the brothel, though.

01:44:56.000 So they, you know, all the things that everyday life are preserved.

01:44:59.000 And I think Pompeii was kind of like, I think, what do you say?

01:45:03.000 I think Giannis said it was like the Hamptons for people in Rome.

01:45:07.000 Oh, really?

01:45:07.000 So it was like their getaway.

01:45:09.000 Wow.

01:45:09.000 And they have pictures on the wall of the brothel.

01:45:12.000 You can probably get it up.

01:45:13.000 Of the sex acts that you can do. 0.96

01:45:15.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:45:15.000 And it was gnarly shit, bro. 1.00

01:45:17.000 Like, fucked up shit, right? 1.00

01:45:20.000 Let me see some pictures here. 1.00

01:45:21.000 Also, big pasty broads. 0.93

01:45:25.000 What do you got there, Jamie?

01:45:28.000 Oh, look at that.

01:45:29.000 What is that? 1.00

01:45:29.000 That's a girl with a strap on banging a dude in the ass. 1.00

01:45:32.000 What is that? 1.00

01:45:33.000 She's got a tail or something. 1.00

01:45:35.000 What is it in her hand?

01:45:36.000 A whip.

01:45:37.000 Is that a whip?

01:45:38.000 I have no clue what's going on.

01:45:39.000 A mustache?

01:45:40.000 Yeah.

01:45:42.000 What is that?

01:45:43.000 Yeah, it's people banging people. 1.00

01:45:45.000 Is that two dudes?

01:45:45.000 Like, what's going on?

01:45:46.000 I think that's a girl on top. 0.99

01:45:48.000 She's just thick. 1.00

01:45:50.000 Yeah, look, he's got his cock out. 1.00

01:45:52.000 She's about to get on board. 1.00

01:45:54.000 Wild.

01:45:54.000 He's eating box, dude.

01:45:56.000 Yeah, he is.

01:45:57.000 That's, wow. 1.00

01:45:58.000 I wonder when they first ate pussy. 1.00

01:46:00.000 I mean, look at that. 1.00

01:46:02.000 A dude's banging a dude who's banging a girl. 1.00

01:46:04.000 Interesting.

01:46:04.000 They get wild back then.

01:46:05.000 Dude's banged, and that's something you could order.

01:46:07.000 Some people say these were the menus, because not everybody could read.

01:46:10.000 Oh, the menu.

01:46:10.000 So you put the picture up, right?

01:46:12.000 Yeah, yeah, give me that.

01:46:12.000 I would like a double-double.

01:46:13.000 Yeah, give me one on the butt and two on the top and suck my cock. 1.00

01:46:18.000 Okay, so here's... 1.00

01:46:19.000 So what if...

01:46:21.000 Okay.

01:46:22.000 Crazy.

01:46:22.000 Is this the example of...

01:46:25.000 And I don't want this to get too weird, but like...

01:46:29.000 Technology has increased over time, obviously.

01:46:30.000 Now we have phones and that kind of stuff.

01:46:32.000 But like, what we indulge in, in our acceptance, we might get to the end of it, and then we restart. 1.00

01:46:39.000 So we don't have cell phones yet, but they might have got to the point where it's like, yo, dude, fuck another dude, that girl's eating a goat's pussy, and then whatever it is, and that's just on the menu. 1.00

01:46:46.000 And then eventually, I think humans go, Alright, buddy. 1.00

01:46:50.000 This is getting too far.

01:46:51.000 Right?

01:46:51.000 And I wonder if that was, like, Catholicism coming in.

01:46:55.000 I wonder if the Catholicism was just like, alright, it's enough. 1.00

01:46:59.000 You're fucking animals. 1.00

01:47:01.000 Everybody's fucking a little kid. 1.00

01:47:02.000 Like, we need some sort of sweeping control and some rules... 1.00

01:47:07.000 Now here's where it gets fucked up. 1.00

01:47:09.000 Stop the boy fucking. 1.00

01:47:10.000 You're fucking too many kids. 1.00

01:47:11.000 Everybody's fucking kids. 1.00

01:47:12.000 Like every painter has a little kid that they're fucking. 1.00

01:47:14.000 Michael Stavros had a funny joke that Stavros Hulk is. 0.99

01:47:17.000 It's really funny.

01:47:17.000 He goes, they always talk about canceling R. Kelly.

01:47:20.000 Like, we haven't canceled Pythagoras.

01:47:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:22.000 We could separate the art from the artist there, you know, and they were all fucking little kids. 0.99

01:47:26.000 Or Socrates. 0.99

01:47:27.000 Socrates.

01:47:27.000 All of them.

01:47:28.000 Fucking little kids, right? 1.00

01:47:29.000 So what if Catholicism comes in and actually regulates and is the stop fucking kids religion and then fast forward 2,000 years... 1.00

01:47:40.000 And they're just known for fucking the kids. 1.00

01:47:43.000 But the way they fuck the kids is a little bit more... 1.00

01:47:45.000 We fuck them, but it's old school. 1.00

01:47:48.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:47:48.000 We don't talk about it. 1.00

01:47:49.000 It's not on the menu. 1.00

01:47:50.000 We occasionally fuck kids. 1.00

01:47:52.000 We just don't do it all day long like everybody else, you fucking animals. 1.00

01:47:55.000 And if we find out someone's fucking kids, we'll move them somewhere else. 1.00

01:47:58.000 Yeah, we'll take them to some place where... 1.00

01:47:59.000 Keep letting them fuck kids. 1.00

01:48:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:48:01.000 But what if that's what happens?

01:48:02.000 What if no matter how progressive you are, eventually over time you become the bigot, Because that's just how society works. 0.99

01:48:09.000 Like, the hippies of the 60s probably right now are going, what do you mean people are chopping off their dicks? 0.99

01:48:14.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:48:15.000 But they were the hippies!

01:48:17.000 Right.

01:48:17.000 And I wonder if, like, that is...

01:48:19.000 That's what I really get excited by when I'm in, like, Rome and I'm seeing...

01:48:22.000 You get to see, like, history in front of you. 1.00

01:48:24.000 You're having dinner in front of the fucking pantheon. 1.00

01:48:27.000 You know? 1.00

01:48:27.000 Like, and it's just... 1.00

01:48:28.000 Well, I think people are always looking for...

01:48:31.000 to resolve conflicts.

01:48:33.000 And they're looking to improve their life.

01:48:35.000 And they're looking to improve society.

01:48:37.000 And when you do that over the course of time, and then you take into account, like, surplus and luxury and, you know, time, and you don't have to worry about being eaten by wolves, 1.00

01:48:53.000 and you have a lot more money than other people because you live in this castle, and you're a king, and you want everybody to eat your shit in front of you. 0.99

01:49:01.000 Nobody's telling you what to do. 0.99

01:49:03.000 You start to indulge in whatever you want, and if nobody can check that indulgence, it starts to get weird.

01:49:09.000 Like, I'm not one of these, like, we gotta get rid of porn. 1.00

01:49:11.000 Like, fucking porn's great. 1.00

01:49:12.000 Do whatever you want. 1.00

01:49:13.000 But, like, how close are we to just dad fucks a daughter? 0.99

01:49:17.000 And is that too much? 0.99

01:49:18.000 When does it become too much?

01:49:20.000 I've seen porn where a mother and her daughter do porn together with a guy. 0.68

01:49:25.000 That is just sad. 0.73

01:49:28.000 It's sad, but it's also like this is what we do as humans.

01:49:31.000 We indulge.

01:49:32.000 We want the dopamine hit.

01:49:33.000 We go further.

01:49:34.000 We go further.

01:49:35.000 And then I think eventually, societally, there's this sweeping correction.

01:49:39.000 I imagine maybe it happened in Egypt.

01:49:41.000 I imagine it probably happened in Italy.

01:49:42.000 I think these things end up happening.

01:49:44.000 And I just wonder how far you go.

01:49:47.000 How long that takes before that, you know, before that club comes down.

01:49:52.000 One of the things that happens is you get to a point where, and I think this is where society is headed, we get to a point where we recognize that our animal instincts, our human reward systems, our need for ego, our need for control, our need for lust and revenge and all those things,

01:50:11.000 they get in the way of ultimate progress.

01:50:13.000 Our ultimate progress is achieving enlightenment.

01:50:15.000 Right?

01:50:17.000 Evolving and transcending this physical monkey body and becoming a part of like this cosmic awareness.

01:50:24.000 So how do we do that? 0.86

01:50:25.000 Well, we do that by abandoning our genitals. 1.00

01:50:27.000 We're gonna have to get past our desire to breed using sexual intercourse and people will eventually breed just by some sort of genetic manipulation. 1.00

01:50:37.000 Oh, you think we'll stop fucking? 0.99

01:50:39.000 Yes. 1.00

01:50:39.000 Yes, I think that's what the aliens are. 1.00

01:50:41.000 When you see aliens, they're almost there. 0.99

01:50:43.000 You never see an alien with a giant dick like, what's up? 0.99

01:50:46.000 I've never seen an alien. 1.00

01:50:47.000 Come down here to fuck everybody. 1.00

01:50:48.000 But aliens, like the archetypal alien that you see. 1.00

01:50:51.000 What if Lazar said that?

01:50:52.000 They all have giant hogs. 1.00

01:50:54.000 There's an extra piece in the spaceship.

01:50:55.000 It's crazy.

01:50:56.000 They have three hogs. 0.99

01:50:58.000 They all have three hogs. 1.00

01:50:59.000 They fuck three different people at once. 1.00

01:51:02.000 I think that's when you see the aliens, they have no muscles. 1.00

01:51:06.000 They have no genitals. 0.67

01:51:07.000 They have these spindly arms and these giant heads. 0.85

01:51:10.000 I think that's where we're going.

01:51:12.000 Even if aliens aren't real, I think what it represents to us is if you take where we are now and you extrapolate, you go further into the future, You say, well, where is this going to go?

01:51:24.000 Well, that's where it's going to go.

01:51:25.000 If you go back to like Neanderthal, right? 0.76

01:51:29.000 They were this hulkish, covered in hair, super muscular, dense, thick bones.

01:51:35.000 And then you go to the modern man.

01:51:37.000 Modern man, like the average person that works in an office. 1.00

01:51:40.000 They're fucking, you know, a little potbelly, little tiny arms. 1.00

01:51:43.000 Michael Cera. 1.00

01:51:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:44.000 Yeah.

01:51:44.000 Back hurts all the time.

01:51:46.000 This is like where the human body is going, and then it eventually will transcend that to become some sort of hybrid of machine and biology.

01:51:56.000 So you subscribe to we're going to be like transhumanoid, I think is the term. 0.86

01:52:01.000 Yes, transhumanists.

01:52:02.000 And some people say we already are with our phone.

01:52:04.000 Yeah, we already are.

01:52:05.000 We're already some sort of a cyborg.

01:52:06.000 We definitely are.

01:52:07.000 And this becoming attached to carrying a device around will open the door to it becoming a part of your body.

01:52:14.000 What is the argument against that?

01:52:16.000 What do people say that push back against that?

01:52:18.000 Outside of the religious argument. 1.00

01:52:20.000 I think the fucking... 1.00

01:52:21.000 If you go back in time to ancient man, they would say, I prefer to hang out in trees and throw shit at each other. 1.00

01:52:27.000 I don't want a car. 1.00

01:52:28.000 What are you, an asshole? 1.00

01:52:28.000 You could die in a car accident. 1.00

01:52:30.000 Right.

01:52:32.000 You know, I mean, it's like change is inevitable and progress is inevitable and innovation seems to be an inherent part of what it means to be a human being.

01:52:41.000 It's like how you and I are interested in art.

01:52:44.000 Well, art is creation.

01:52:45.000 Innovation is also creation.

01:52:47.000 Innovation is art.

01:52:48.000 Like, this phone is art.

01:52:49.000 Yeah, 100%.

01:52:50.000 I mean, it might have been made by slaves, and it was for sure.

01:52:53.000 If it's good.

01:52:54.000 But this thing is the designers. 0.99

01:52:56.000 It's horrible, like, who had to put it together in a fucking awful factory in China. 0.96

01:53:02.000 But the design of this is so pleasing to the eyes. 0.98

01:53:06.000 It's gorgeous.

01:53:07.000 So it's a piece of art.

01:53:09.000 I mean, it's mass-produced and everything, and it's just...

01:53:12.000 But this is a piece of art. 0.99

01:53:14.000 This iPhone is a piece of fucking art. 0.99

01:53:16.000 It's gorgeous. 1.00

01:53:18.000 If you saw this 20 years ago, you'd be like, what the fuck is that? 0.93

01:53:22.000 And if you could watch videos on it, you'd be like... 0.98

01:53:25.000 If you just saw, I mean, we don't think of ourselves as being much different than people who, like, you know, today it's 2022. If you could go back to just 2002, there was nothing like that.

01:53:37.000 I had a phone in 2002. 2002 was when Fear Factor was around.

01:53:41.000 I had a little tiny flip phone.

01:53:43.000 Yeah, the Razor.

01:53:44.000 Yeah, I had one of those. 0.99

01:53:45.000 You know that photo that I have of that prostitute that has her tit out? 1.00

01:53:49.000 No. 0.99

01:53:49.000 You know that photo that was in the bathroom of the old studio? 0.99

01:53:52.000 No, bring that up.

01:53:53.000 I was at Fear Factor.

01:53:55.000 It was downtown LA. And I was in downtown LA, and we were filming, and this lady walks by, and I'm standing out there with my phone.

01:54:03.000 I don't know if I was making a phone call or what, but she had a meatball sandwich in her hand.

01:54:08.000 And she pulls out her tit. 0.77

01:54:10.000 She goes, you want some of this? 0.99

01:54:12.000 Like this.

01:54:12.000 And I just hold my camera up, and I took a photo.

01:54:15.000 And it's such a perfect photo.

01:54:17.000 That's the photo.

01:54:19.000 I love it.

01:54:20.000 Dude, that looks like we posed.

01:54:23.000 But it looks like we worked this out, right?

01:54:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:54:27.000 No, no.

01:54:28.000 That lady just walked by. 1.00

01:54:30.000 Look, that's a production truck behind her, a tractor trailer. 0.99

01:54:33.000 Oh, wow.

01:54:33.000 And I just took a photo of her with a flip phone.

01:54:37.000 I mean, this had to be 2003 or something like that.

01:54:41.000 Fire.

01:54:43.000 Fire.

01:54:43.000 And I've had that photo forever, and then we got it blown up, and now it's on the wall.

01:54:49.000 But that was like a phone from 2003. That was as good as it could get, and I was blown away.

01:54:54.000 Look at this.

01:54:55.000 That was like a one megapixel camera.

01:54:57.000 Look at this.

01:54:58.000 Are we living...

01:55:01.000 In the greatest transformation in history?

01:55:05.000 Ever.

01:55:06.000 More so than printing press?

01:55:08.000 More so than telephone?

01:55:10.000 By far.

01:55:11.000 Okay.

01:55:11.000 More so than anything.

01:55:12.000 More so than flight?

01:55:14.000 Yes.

01:55:14.000 More so than anything.

01:55:16.000 And the people that lived before printing press and then during?

01:55:19.000 Yes.

01:55:19.000 Like, I even think that kids right now who are like 19 don't understand what we've experienced.

01:55:25.000 Right.

01:55:26.000 Because we grew up without the internet.

01:55:27.000 No internet.

01:55:28.000 Right.

01:55:29.000 Saw internet transform.

01:55:31.000 Right.

01:55:31.000 Just telephone at home.

01:55:32.000 Right.

01:55:33.000 Like, if you didn't have call waiting, it's just a busy...

01:55:35.000 Like, kids don't even know what a busy signal is.

01:55:37.000 Right.

01:55:38.000 Isn't that interesting?

01:55:38.000 That is wild.

01:55:39.000 Like, you sent me to voicemail. 1.00

01:55:41.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:55:42.000 You're lucky. 1.00

01:55:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:43.000 What do you mean?

01:55:44.000 What a joy.

01:55:45.000 You can tell me what you wanted.

01:55:46.000 Yeah.

01:55:47.000 Like...

01:55:49.000 You know how, like, when you hear about this throughout history, like, the big changes happen, there's, like, great rejection of these changes.

01:55:55.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:55:55.000 I think we've handled it pretty fucking well. 0.95

01:55:58.000 Like, we've embraced this change.

01:56:00.000 Well, because these changes provide you so much excitement and so much of a dopamine rush.

01:56:05.000 Yeah.

01:56:06.000 You know, it's easy because you're addicted.

01:56:08.000 Mm.

01:56:08.000 And it's like, oh, you know, these changes, like we've embraced Adderall.

01:56:11.000 It's because we're addicted to it.

01:56:12.000 So maybe that's how you get, if that's how you make change, you make sure it benefits the people.

01:56:18.000 Yes.

01:56:18.000 Like Amazon has changed the way that we consume goods.

01:56:21.000 Yes.

01:56:21.000 And it might be killing the mom and pop shop, but it benefits us so much.

01:56:24.000 We're like, I'm not going to complain.

01:56:26.000 Is it a union?

01:56:27.000 Okay, but no, not a union.

01:56:29.000 Is it a, what is it?

01:56:30.000 Monopoly.

01:56:31.000 Monopoly, but it doesn't matter to me because I get things so conveniently and so cheaply.

01:56:35.000 So it's like, if you want to move us in whatever direction, make sure you nurture us.

01:56:40.000 Whereas before, during monarchies, it was like, it's going to be this.

01:56:44.000 Right. 0.99

01:56:45.000 And you've got to fucking deal with it. 0.99

01:56:46.000 Let them eat cake. 1.00

01:56:47.000 Let them eat motherfucking cake. 1.00

01:56:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:49.000 Do you know what cake was, by the way? 1.00

01:56:51.000 It wasn't cake.

01:56:52.000 No, it wasn't cake.

01:56:53.000 You're talking about the Marie Antoinette quote, right?

01:56:55.000 Okay.

01:56:55.000 It was like what's left over from making bread, like the little crusts and stuff.

01:57:00.000 Oh, so that quote is completely taken out of context.

01:57:03.000 Yeah, it's not cake.

01:57:04.000 Because the quote was, give them bread.

01:57:06.000 Make sure that's true.

01:57:07.000 Make sure that's true.

01:57:08.000 But I'm pretty sure that's what that was.

01:57:10.000 I'm pretty sure let them eat cake meant the leftover scraps of bread that were left over when you put the batter into the cake tray, the bread tray, and it spilled over into the oven.

01:57:24.000 I think that was the cake.

01:57:26.000 The remnants of the bread that you could scrape out of the bottom of the pan, that was cake.

01:57:32.000 Okay, so it was the scraps.

01:57:33.000 Because the way the story's told is like they're like Marie Antoinette is like well if they're starving give them give them bread and then they're like there's no more bread well then give them cake like she was so right she was so like removed from poverty kind of both almost as what I'm reading.

01:57:46.000 We'll put it up so we can read it.

01:57:47.000 Because it was brioche so there's a difference.

01:57:50.000 Yeah, but it's just bread.

01:57:51.000 Brioche is bread bro.

01:57:52.000 Luxury bread. 1.00

01:57:53.000 But it's fucking bread. 1.00

01:57:54.000 It says it was considered luxury food. 1.00

01:57:56.000 Yeah, but it's still bread.

01:57:58.000 But still, imagine being in a bubble.

01:58:00.000 Okay, Brioche, bread enriched with butter and eggs, considered a luxury foe.

01:58:03.000 The quote was taken to reflect the princess's frivolous disregard for serving peasants or her poor understanding of their plight.

01:58:13.000 While the phrase is commonly attributed to Marie Antoinette, there are references to it prior to the French Revolution, meaning it is impossible for the quote to have originated from Antoinette and is unlikely that it was spoken by her.

01:58:29.000 But what is when they talk about the scraps?

01:58:34.000 Is that true?

01:58:36.000 Is that accurate?

01:58:37.000 Don't know.

01:58:40.000 Google let them eat cake referred to scraps left over from the making of bread.

01:58:50.000 Because I think that's...

01:58:53.000 How do we get another ice cube in here?

01:58:55.000 We just make a phone call.

01:58:56.000 Oh, good.

01:58:57.000 We know a guy?

01:58:58.000 Jamie, we know a guy?

01:58:59.000 Get some ice cubes.

01:59:00.000 You want a little top off?

01:59:00.000 Sure.

01:59:01.000 Thank you, sir.

01:59:04.000 A little Japanese whiskey.

01:59:05.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:59:06.000 Someone's trying to get me hammered.

01:59:08.000 Hey, bro.

01:59:08.000 We're going to have some fun.

01:59:09.000 We're talking history now.

01:59:10.000 Yeah, we always have fun.

01:59:11.000 You know the...

01:59:12.000 Another article about the meaning of...

01:59:15.000 Another one?

01:59:15.000 The real story behind Let Them Eat Cake.

01:59:17.000 This is the same thing as the brioche stuff.

01:59:19.000 But does it, does, cake doesn't refer, see if you can find that, because I did read an article that said it was a, it was even grosser than let them eat cake.

01:59:29.000 It was more disrespectful.

01:59:30.000 Cake tastes good.

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:31.000 That she was referring to, but apparently if they're saying let them eat cake wasn't even her phrase, that it was an older phrase.

01:59:39.000 Versailles was a letdown.

01:59:41.000 Was it?

01:59:41.000 That's where she said that.

01:59:43.000 And that's, I think, where they stormed her and her husband.

01:59:47.000 You didn't think it was cool?

01:59:48.000 No, it was kitschy and, I don't know, it was just unimpressive.

01:59:56.000 What was the most impressive thing in Europe?

01:59:59.000 Rome was the most magnificent city.

02:00:01.000 And I haven't been to Greece, because I think everything from that period of time called antiquity, I think from that period is probably the most impressive, but being in Rome...

02:00:15.000 In America, when we have ancient sites, we kind of block them off a little bit.

02:00:19.000 It's not only pay a fee to get in.

02:00:21.000 It's more like, we have to protect it.

02:00:23.000 This could go wrong.

02:00:24.000 Rome is like...

02:00:25.000 You walk around on it.

02:00:26.000 You're literally sitting in front of the Coliseum.

02:00:29.000 You can touch it if you want.

02:00:30.000 There's nothing stopping you from being immersed in this ancient world.

02:00:34.000 And to me, that was the most profound feeling I've ever had in a city.

02:00:39.000 Paris, to me, is the most overrated city.

02:00:42.000 And I... I went there thinking it was going to be awesome.

02:00:45.000 The food is insane.

02:00:48.000 They get dessert because they use butter and the Italians don't get dessert because it's just olive oil. 1.00

02:00:52.000 They just don't understand butter.

02:00:54.000 Tiramisu. 0.98

02:00:55.000 Tiramisu kind of sucks, bro. 0.99

02:00:56.000 What? 0.99

02:00:57.000 It's my favorite.

02:00:58.000 It's kind of...

02:00:59.000 I love it.

02:00:59.000 I mean, go get like real French dessert, man.

02:01:01.000 Like what?

02:01:03.000 Any of the patisserie stuff, like any of the kind of like baked goods they're incorporating, like the cream and just...

02:01:09.000 I'm hungry.

02:01:10.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

02:01:11.000 But the Italians... 1.00

02:01:13.000 And the Italians stole the shit from the Greeks. 1.00

02:01:14.000 That's the other thing about when you're in Rome and you're learning about it, you're like, oh, cultural appropriation just happens when shit is hot. 1.00

02:01:21.000 That expression sucks. 1.00

02:01:23.000 It sucks, dude. 1.00

02:01:24.000 I don't like it. 0.99

02:01:24.000 I'm not using it. 0.99

02:01:25.000 Humans take the cool shit. 0.99

02:01:26.000 It's just a way for people to control other people and try to say, that's mine. 1.00

02:01:29.000 Meanwhile, it's not yours.

02:01:31.000 It's a whole culture's.

02:01:32.000 Yes.

02:01:32.000 Like the idea that only Jamaican people can cook Jamaican food.

02:01:37.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:01:38.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:01:40.000 And the curries come from India! 1.00

02:01:41.000 Yeah, and people get mad at folks that fall in love with other cultures and, like, get really interested in whatever the fuck is that they make. 0.99

02:01:50.000 Yeah. 0.74

02:01:51.000 You know, like if someone's making Italian food, but they're actually from Spain, people get angry.

02:01:55.000 Yeah.

02:01:55.000 Like, there's this guy Rick Bayless.

02:01:57.000 He's actually Skip Bayless's brother.

02:01:59.000 He's like a renowned chef, right?

02:02:01.000 He's a famous Mexican chef, but he's a white guy.

02:02:03.000 And people hate on him.

02:02:04.000 Because he's got this incredible Mexican restaurant in Chicago.

02:02:07.000 But this guy is in love with Mexican cuisine.

02:02:10.000 And I've been following his videos for years.

02:02:13.000 I mean, he's like a genuine connoisseur of Mexican culture and Mexican food.

02:02:17.000 And they hate on him. 1.00

02:02:19.000 All the fucking woke dorks. 1.00

02:02:21.000 They get mad. 1.00

02:02:22.000 Because they don't know.

02:02:23.000 This colonizer.

02:02:25.000 That's my favorite. 1.00

02:02:25.000 Did you see that video from Portland where this fucking fat dude is yelling at this woke lady? 1.00

02:02:31.000 You fucking colonizer! 1.00

02:02:33.000 Go back where you came from. 1.00

02:02:34.000 He's like, I'm Native American!

02:02:36.000 Where do you want me to go?

02:02:38.000 What does this mean?

02:02:40.000 Colonizer.

02:02:40.000 It's just like stop talking.

02:02:41.000 I think there are a few terms you could use nowadays to just stop somebody from talking or stop somebody from maybe profiting on something.

02:02:48.000 No, they just want to stop the argument and win.

02:02:50.000 That's it.

02:02:51.000 Debate you.

02:02:52.000 They wanted the nuclear option.

02:02:53.000 Yes, yes, yes.

02:02:54.000 They drop a colonizer on you. 0.72

02:02:55.000 Boom! 1.00

02:02:55.000 You're a Nazi! 1.00

02:02:58.000 Oh, I didn't mean to colonize. 1.00

02:03:00.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:03:01.000 She's not a colonizer. 1.00

02:03:02.000 She was born in 1995. The fuck are you saying? 1.00

02:03:06.000 The fuck are you saying? 1.00

02:03:08.000 No one was colonizing in 1995, you fucking asshole. 1.00

02:03:11.000 That's the thing, man. 1.00

02:03:12.000 By the way, you're sloppy.

02:03:14.000 Yeah, you're sloppy. 0.68

02:03:15.000 You're sloppy in the way you talk.

02:03:16.000 You're sloppy in your arguments.

02:03:18.000 You're yelling at her to try to intimidate her. 1.00

02:03:20.000 You're just gross. 0.99

02:03:22.000 It was just wokeness in the grossest form possible. 0.99

02:03:26.000 In a vacuum.

02:03:26.000 Untouched wokeness.

02:03:28.000 Screaming at some lady while you did some douchey shit in traffic and you want to divert from the fact that you're an asshole by calling her a colonizer. 1.00

02:03:36.000 That's really what it is. 1.00

02:03:37.000 You divert from your own actions. 1.00

02:03:39.000 You could just call somebody something, make them radioactive, then you don't have to discuss anything with them, and then you could just be an asshole. 1.00

02:03:44.000 Yeah, well that guy's a sloppy dude. 1.00

02:03:46.000 He's probably sloppy at everything he does. 0.98

02:03:48.000 Just lazy and sloppy.

02:03:50.000 And that's why he's like yelling at her, calling her a colonizer. 0.62

02:03:53.000 It's just a sloppy way to think.

02:03:54.000 It's so embarrassing. 0.99

02:03:56.000 I bet that guy sucks at everything he does. 1.00

02:03:59.000 I bet he sucks at eating pussy. 1.00

02:04:01.000 I bet he can't play baseball. 1.00

02:04:03.000 I bet he sucks at chess. 1.00

02:04:05.000 I bet he just sucks. 1.00

02:04:06.000 There's no way that guy's really good at anything. 1.00

02:04:08.000 Ladies and gentlemen, this is why we still do comedy.

02:04:12.000 This is your Larry David moment, is that you still are affected by the world, and we need to talk about it, and we are irked, and we're pushed.

02:04:23.000 Well, it's interesting because we have foes now, and wokeness is a foe of comedy.

02:04:29.000 It's diametrically opposed to comedy, and it's absolutely killed comedy movies.

02:04:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:34.000 Comedy movies are fucking dead and buried, unfortunately. 0.99

02:04:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:39.000 It's hard to make a good comedy movie today, kids. 0.99

02:04:42.000 It's fucking hard. 0.98

02:04:43.000 You might be able to make one and then put it out yourself. 0.99

02:04:47.000 Yeah.

02:04:48.000 And then make some money on it.

02:04:49.000 Yeah, you could do that.

02:04:49.000 I think that.

02:04:50.000 Like Shane Gillis style.

02:04:51.000 Yo, Shane's sketch series was absolutely phenomenal.

02:04:54.000 Oh, I want to show you this one that hasn't been released yet.

02:04:55.000 This is from season two?

02:04:56.000 No, no, no.

02:04:57.000 This new one that hasn't been released yet.

02:04:58.000 I think season two he's going to put out.

02:05:00.000 Gillian Keeves is the series.

02:05:01.000 Yes.

02:05:01.000 So I think that it's going to come out soon.

02:05:03.000 I don't know about Seasons.

02:05:04.000 There's no Seasons.

02:05:05.000 They don't have a network.

02:05:06.000 It's nonsense.

02:05:07.000 They're trapped in the old paradigm.

02:05:09.000 But the point is, he's got one that he sent me.

02:05:12.000 It's like a new edit of this Trump one.

02:05:14.000 Can we watch it?

02:05:15.000 No, no, no.

02:05:16.000 Should I text him and ask him if we can watch it?

02:05:17.000 No, no, no.

02:05:17.000 We can't.

02:05:18.000 We can't.

02:05:18.000 It's not done yet.

02:05:19.000 He's still editing it.

02:05:20.000 When it comes out, we'll show it.

02:05:22.000 Yeah.

02:05:22.000 It's so goddamn funny.

02:05:24.000 He's great, man. 0.96

02:05:24.000 It's so funny. 0.96

02:05:25.000 He's really great.

02:05:26.000 It's about Trump.

02:05:27.000 It's about Trump and Hitler.

02:05:29.000 That's all I'm going to say.

02:05:30.000 It's so funny, man.

02:05:32.000 Like, I was watching it, and I was like, crying, laughing.

02:05:36.000 Like, oh, my God.

02:05:37.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:05:38.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

02:05:39.000 Dude, he's got... 1.00

02:05:41.000 But you could never...

02:05:41.000 My point is, like, what he's doing, you could never do if you had to run it by someone who was, like, a production company for a movie in 2022. They would never let you.

02:05:53.000 But this is the good thing about the internet right now, and this is, like, why you gotta take advantage of it, is that because there's a void, there isn't a void in interest.

02:06:00.000 Human beings still want it. 0.99

02:06:01.000 They still love hilarious shit. 1.00

02:06:04.000 They know it's just fun. 1.00

02:06:07.000 I put out a comedy special on a fucking website. 1.00

02:06:10.000 Nobody knows what the fuck it is. 1.00

02:06:11.000 People are like mirroring it from their laptops. 0.98

02:06:14.000 Hundreds of thousands of people are watching it.

02:06:16.000 That shouldn't happen if the streamers are doing their job.

02:06:19.000 If you're doing your job and putting out great content that's easy for people to access... 0.98

02:06:24.000 I shouldn't be able to sell a single fucking one. 0.96

02:06:26.000 Well, I don't know if that's true. 0.99

02:06:27.000 I don't think that's true.

02:06:28.000 I don't think that's true.

02:06:30.000 Here's why I don't think that's true.

02:06:31.000 Because you've already established that you're very funny.

02:06:33.000 And that's the only way they can get your comment.

02:06:35.000 On YouTube, on Instagram.

02:06:36.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

02:06:37.000 It's like, the fact that the streamers didn't, it's not that they didn't do their job. 0.91

02:06:42.000 They have a fucking billion hours of content. 0.95

02:06:45.000 And they can't get people to watch it. 1.00

02:06:46.000 No, they can.

02:06:48.000 They can't, Joe.

02:06:48.000 Lots of people watch Ricky Gervais' special.

02:06:50.000 Lots of people watch Chappelle's special.

02:06:52.000 Ricky Gervais is a grandfathered-in, bonafide superstar.

02:06:54.000 What about the new people?

02:06:55.000 Christina Pazitsky's special killed it. 0.96

02:06:57.000 Christina murdered it. 0.70

02:06:58.000 She did. 0.99

02:06:58.000 Murdered it. 0.99

02:06:59.000 But Christina also has her own platform where she can generate interest.

02:07:02.000 That's true.

02:07:03.000 But you do too.

02:07:03.000 I've done Netflix and I've done YouTube.

02:07:06.000 Anybody who's done Netflix and YouTube knows the difference in terms of what they give you.

02:07:10.000 And you can talk to any comic who's been on this show or you can talk to them off of the show and ask them.

02:07:14.000 What do you mean in terms of what they give you?

02:07:15.000 Your career.

02:07:17.000 How you access the people.

02:07:18.000 We know hilarious comics who have stuff on YouTube, not YouTube, on Netflix that nobody's seen.

02:07:22.000 Nobody's seen.

02:07:23.000 Literally, they can't get people to see it.

02:07:25.000 So it's like, that is a problem.

02:07:27.000 That is a big problem.

02:07:28.000 And the algorithm there is just not as good as the YouTube algorithm.

02:07:30.000 No, YouTube algorithm is the best.

02:07:32.000 Nothing beats it.

02:07:33.000 Nothing beats it.

02:07:34.000 Nothing.

02:07:34.000 So it's like, they know what you want.

02:07:36.000 They have so much fucking data. 0.99

02:07:37.000 YouTube is Google. 1.00

02:07:38.000 Yeah.

02:07:39.000 The two biggest search engines in the world are the same.

02:07:42.000 YouTube's second, Google's first.

02:07:44.000 They're both working together to give you the exact things that you want.

02:07:46.000 But what you did is put some stuff on YouTube and then use that, the fame that you got from that, and then transfer it to this new thing, and then that new thing, which is just your website, it takes off.

02:07:59.000 And it becomes hugely successful that you're just releasing your own thing, your own way.

02:08:04.000 With help from my friends like you, obviously, and other people that want to push this and want to make this happen.

02:08:09.000 That's huge.

02:08:10.000 That's an amazing thing about today is that we're all in this together.

02:08:13.000 We're publicists.

02:08:14.000 We're all publicists, bro.

02:08:16.000 And we have an organic network.

02:08:18.000 And when Shane puts something out, I go, Shane, give me the clip.

02:08:22.000 Yeah.

02:08:22.000 People need to see this.

02:08:24.000 Yes.

02:08:24.000 And we do that for one another.

02:08:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:08:26.000 Because we fucking... 1.00

02:08:27.000 We're like little art bitches. 1.00

02:08:29.000 That's what we are. 0.97

02:08:29.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:08:29.000 We love fucking good art. 0.97

02:08:31.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:08:31.000 And we want to put it out there. 0.98

02:08:32.000 And we want to showcase it.

02:08:33.000 We want to give people platforms.

02:08:35.000 And that's...

02:08:35.000 I don't know.

02:08:36.000 That's an exciting thing.

02:08:37.000 And you don't probably give yourself enough credit.

02:08:39.000 But like, I think your benevolence has made other people go, this is what you have to do.

02:08:44.000 And I say that every single time I talk to you.

02:08:46.000 But it's important that you know these things.

02:08:48.000 That...

02:08:49.000 Comedy and entertainment in general was a very selfish endeavor.

02:08:53.000 People are fighting for scraps.

02:08:55.000 They were fighting for cake, right?

02:08:56.000 It's like, I need this role, how can I beat out this person? 0.99

02:09:00.000 And you started something that made people go, oh shit, wait, you can be more successful if you help out the other guy that's successful? 0.99

02:09:06.000 Well, you just can't think of it like, once you have enough, you have enough. 0.99

02:09:10.000 Nobody in entertainment thinks like that.

02:09:12.000 Who goes, I have enough?

02:09:14.000 MGM goes, I have enough. 0.99

02:09:15.000 It's foolish. 1.00

02:09:16.000 It's foolish. 1.00

02:09:16.000 Weinstein didn't think he had enough pussy? 1.00

02:09:18.000 Right. 1.00

02:09:19.000 Well, that's a different thing, right? 0.99

02:09:21.000 He's so gross. 0.99

02:09:22.000 Yes. 1.00

02:09:24.000 He's fucking disgusting. 1.00

02:09:25.000 He couldn't believe he was banging those girls. 1.00

02:09:26.000 He's disgusting. 1.00

02:09:26.000 He probably couldn't believe it worked. 1.00

02:09:28.000 Every time he got a starlet to suck his dick. 1.00

02:09:30.000 He's like, this is crazy. 1.00

02:09:31.000 And he had a horrible dick. 1.00

02:09:33.000 Do you know his dick, he had a disease where his dick was like half rotted off? 1.00

02:09:37.000 No. 1.00

02:09:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:38.000 Yeah, one of the women who had sex with him, when she saw his dick, she thought he was trans. 1.00

02:09:43.000 She thought something was wrong with it. 1.00

02:09:44.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:09:45.000 He's got a disease where his dick is like rotting off. 1.00

02:09:51.000 So God was stepping in. 1.00

02:09:54.000 God was just like, hey, if we get rid of it, if we chop it off, he can't keep doing it.

02:10:00.000 Oh my God, imagine if that's what...

02:10:02.000 God, the creators...

02:10:03.000 Whatever, maybe it's just his own horrible conscience.

02:10:07.000 Maybe that too, but maybe that's built into the design. 1.00

02:10:10.000 The one thing, if a guy is thinking with his dick, the worst thing that could happen is his dick rotting off. 0.99

02:10:17.000 Then he can't do the bad thing. 1.00

02:10:19.000 Just chunks of it falling off.

02:10:21.000 No, it's a crazy disease, bro.

02:10:23.000 You've got to see this disease. 1.00

02:10:24.000 Google Harvey Weinstein's dick disease. 0.99

02:10:29.000 Wait till you... 0.98

02:10:31.000 He's got to do this on his laptop and now he's flagged. 0.99

02:10:35.000 Jamie has Googled art from 2,000 years ago and Harvey Weinstein's rotten cock. 0.98

02:10:40.000 That's the beauty of this show. 0.98

02:10:41.000 It's the best.

02:10:42.000 It can go anywhere.

02:10:43.000 But yeah.

02:10:44.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:10:45.000 So this is Harvey Weinstein's deformed penis explained. 1.00

02:10:48.000 Look at him. 1.00

02:10:49.000 He looks like a deformed dick. 1.00

02:10:50.000 Just a fucking rotten guy. 1.00

02:10:53.000 Maybe it's why he was so testy. 1.00

02:10:54.000 Harvey Weinstein suffers from acute infection. 1.00

02:10:58.000 An acute infection that contributed to his deformed penis according to a recent report on the convicted rapist. 0.98

02:11:03.000 A disgraced movie mogul's deformed genitalia is a result of a life-threatening bacterial infection known as Fournier's gangrene. 0.99

02:11:12.000 He is gangrene. 0.99

02:11:13.000 Yeah, gangrene in the cock. 0.98

02:11:15.000 The infection can strike middle-aged men and diabetics. 0.98

02:11:18.000 Well, he's probably diabetic.

02:11:20.000 Weinstein, yeah, 68, is both. 0.99

02:11:22.000 When bacteria enters through a cut or scratch in the genitals and spreads through the bloodstream, some patients require skin grafts, but more extreme cases, such as Weinstein's, require an operation to remove the testicles! 0.98

02:11:36.000 There it is.

02:11:37.000 The deformity was first revealed in court when actress Jessica Mann, one of Weinstein's accusers, said she felt compassion for Weinstein after she saw his deformed genitalia, which appeared to have scarring as if from burns in his nether region.

02:11:52.000 According to writer Phoebe Eaton, whose three-part series on Weinstein featured the current issue of Air Mail, Mann said that her first impression was that Weinstein might be intersex.

02:12:02.000 When she saw the deformity. 0.98

02:12:04.000 Jurors at Weinstein's New York rape trial early this year were shown nude pictures of the disgraced movie mogul, including a full frontal shot showing his deformed penis. 0.98

02:12:14.000 Among the side effects of the illness is erectile dysfunction. 0.99

02:12:18.000 So why don't we, like...

02:12:22.000 I would love to see it.

02:12:24.000 I would absolutely love to see it.

02:12:26.000 Go back there.

02:12:28.000 Go back there before you do that.

02:12:29.000 Look at this. 0.98

02:12:31.000 His assistants were often dispatched to the Secure Caverject, a drug that is directly injected into the penis before intercourse that can cause an erection. 0.99

02:12:43.000 Yo! 1.00

02:12:43.000 So here's the crazy thing about him. 1.00

02:12:45.000 He wasn't even horny, right?

02:12:47.000 Because he wasn't getting it up. 0.98

02:12:48.000 He wasn't like, I'm trying to fuck all the time. 1.00

02:12:51.000 He was so crazy that he was injecting his dick. 1.00

02:12:54.000 And maybe the injections were what caused the infection in the first place. 1.00

02:12:58.000 Because he's sticking a needle in his cock. 1.00

02:13:01.000 Okay, images. 1.00

02:13:03.000 Yo! 1.00

02:13:06.000 Yo, yo, yo. 0.99

02:13:08.000 No, keep it up. 1.00

02:13:09.000 Don't you take that down, you son of a bitch. 1.00

02:13:10.000 And everybody that's listening to audio only... 1.00

02:13:13.000 Tune into the video.

02:13:15.000 Fournier's gangrene.

02:13:17.000 No, he can't show this.

02:13:18.000 You just have to look it up yourself.

02:13:20.000 But look at these images.

02:13:21.000 This is insanity. 1.00

02:13:23.000 This is fucking repulsive. 1.00

02:13:25.000 Wow. 1.00

02:13:26.000 I mean, there's just a gaping hole on that one to the right.

02:13:30.000 Yeah.

02:13:32.000 This is horrific. 1.00

02:13:34.000 And this is what you get when you're out here raping women. 1.00

02:13:37.000 Simple as that. 1.00

02:13:39.000 Oh my god.

02:13:41.000 Hey, listen.

02:13:43.000 This is rough.

02:13:43.000 Some cultures call it karma.

02:13:45.000 Jesus Christ.

02:13:46.000 I have to pretend this is like a horror movie so I can block this.

02:13:48.000 Look at that one with this guy where you see his hip bone.

02:13:51.000 Go to that one.

02:13:52.000 I can't. 1.00

02:13:52.000 Click on it, bitch. 1.00

02:13:53.000 Which one? 1.00

02:13:54.000 The one with the hip bone.

02:13:55.000 To the right of your cursor. 1.00

02:13:57.000 You know where it is, motherfucker. 1.00

02:13:58.000 One more right. 1.00

02:13:59.000 Keep going.

02:13:59.000 Next one.

02:14:00.000 That one.

02:14:00.000 Bam.

02:14:00.000 Click on that one.

02:14:01.000 That's his hip bone, son.

02:14:02.000 Oh my God.

02:14:04.000 Oh boy.

02:14:05.000 I'm starting to shake. 1.00

02:14:05.000 That's the hip bone poking through the fucking skin. 1.00

02:14:09.000 I mean, it looks like he got bit by a shark. 1.00

02:14:11.000 Yeah.

02:14:11.000 I mean, that is just repulsive.

02:14:14.000 This is what happens, bro. 1.00

02:14:16.000 Pompeii, there were fucking animals and shit. 1.00

02:14:18.000 Volcano erupts. 1.00

02:14:20.000 Maybe sometimes there's some justice. 1.00

02:14:22.000 If there was an island and rich ladies went and Russian boys ate their pussy, would you even be mad at all? 1.00

02:14:30.000 Like if it wasn't Epstein's Island? 1.00

02:14:32.000 Let me think.

02:14:33.000 Let me think.

02:14:35.000 Less mad for sure.

02:14:37.000 Less mad for sure.

02:14:38.000 If it was like McGillicuddy Island and I'm...

02:14:43.000 There's a lady named Karen McGillicuddy, and Karen McGillicuddy, she secured a bunch of these Russian gigolos, these underage boys, most of them like 16, 17, but they had fine working cocks, and they serviced these rich ladies. 1.00

02:14:58.000 A lot of these rich ladies whose husbands left them money, but the husbands were assholes and they cheated on them and left them billions of dollars. 1.00

02:15:05.000 So these ladies would skirt off to an island near the Bahamas and these guys would be flown in and they would dress up like sailors and just go down on their pussies. 1.00

02:15:15.000 We wouldn't feel as bad. 0.99

02:15:16.000 I wouldn't feel bad at all!

02:15:17.000 You know what it is? 0.99

02:15:18.000 The age for it being fucked up to boys is younger. 0.99

02:15:24.000 At a certain age, you would feel uncomfortable. 1.00

02:15:26.000 If there were nine-year-old boys on that island, you'd go, these bitches need a die. 1.00

02:15:29.000 But 16-year-old boys? 1.00

02:15:31.000 Eh.

02:15:32.000 They'll be fine.

02:15:33.000 Maybe that's what we need to acknowledge.

02:15:35.000 Boy age is just lower. 0.98

02:15:38.000 It's different. 0.99

02:15:39.000 It's fucking different. 0.97

02:15:40.000 It's different. 0.99

02:15:41.000 Yeah, it's fucking different. 0.99

02:15:43.000 Are they manipulating these boys and making them do something? 0.98

02:15:45.000 Yes, but for whatever reason, we're less protective.

02:15:48.000 Yeah, 100%.

02:15:49.000 We kind of look at a 16-year-old boy as an adult in certain situations.

02:15:54.000 If a 16-year-old boy is around his mother and his mother is being disrespected, you're like, You're not a boy.

02:16:01.000 You're an adult.

02:16:01.000 Go protect your mother.

02:16:02.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

02:16:03.000 It's very different. 1.00

02:16:04.000 I don't put that on a 16-year-old girl.

02:16:06.000 The mother should protect that girl. 1.00

02:16:08.000 And maybe that's like baked in sexism or something.

02:16:11.000 Yeah, we look at a younger boy differently.

02:16:15.000 Yeah, we look at boys very differently.

02:16:16.000 Especially if it's female to male.

02:16:18.000 Male to male.

02:16:19.000 Different.

02:16:20.000 Different.

02:16:21.000 Right.

02:16:21.000 We look at that boy being objectified by a male because we look at the males being the...

02:16:27.000 They're the villains.

02:16:29.000 Isn't that interesting? 1.00

02:16:30.000 Because they want to penetrate with their cock. 1.00

02:16:32.000 Yo, penetration is... 1.00

02:16:33.000 There's a big difference between someone penetrating you versus you penetrating them. 0.99

02:16:38.000 Yeah, or licking them. 1.00

02:16:39.000 Or even sticking your cock inside of them. 1.00

02:16:41.000 Like, if the woman wants you to stick... 1.00

02:16:43.000 Like, I had a bit about this.

02:16:44.000 It was a bit that I think they made me remove from one of my specials.

02:16:49.000 It was a Comedy Central special.

02:16:50.000 I don't remember.

02:16:52.000 Are they still around?

02:16:53.000 They were around when I did this. 1.00

02:16:56.000 This was the bit was it was almost 10 years ago the bit was that if you see like a high school football coach that gets arrested because he was having sex with girls in the high school you'd be like that fucking piece of shit like that motherfucker needs to go to jail but if you see like some hot teacher in Florida getting taken away in handcuffs because she was banging a bunch of football players the first thing you think is which one of those pussies told his mom? 1.00

02:17:25.000 And they didn't want it. 1.00

02:17:26.000 If that was my boy, he was crying on TV. I'd be like, get in the fucking car. 1.00

02:17:34.000 What are you doing? 1.00

02:17:35.000 Why'd you tell your mom?

02:17:36.000 Listen to me, bro.

02:17:37.000 You know what's funny? 1.00

02:17:39.000 We all knew we wanted to fuck our teachers a little. 1.00

02:17:42.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:17:42.000 Like, that's where it really comes from. 1.00

02:17:44.000 We knew that there were certain teachers, like the young teachers.

02:17:47.000 Like, when I was going to school, they started having, like, assistant teachers that were, like, 20. Yeah.

02:17:52.000 And you're like, what are you doing around me?

02:17:54.000 You're three years old than me.

02:17:56.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:17:57.000 You might get it, talking like that to me.

02:17:59.000 You totally get it.

02:18:00.000 I remember once I went to a bar, and my teacher was at the bar.

02:18:03.000 Whoa.

02:18:04.000 And in New York, you have a fake ID. When you're younger, we're going out to bars and clubs.

02:18:07.000 And we were fucking drinking. 0.99

02:18:09.000 With the teacher? 1.00

02:18:10.000 With the teacher.

02:18:10.000 She was assistant teacher, but I was like, we shouldn't be doing this.

02:18:13.000 How old was she? 0.89

02:18:14.000 Probably 22, maybe.

02:18:16.000 And you were like 17, 18?

02:18:18.000 And I was 18, I think, in my senior year.

02:18:21.000 So what were you thinking?

02:18:23.000 What was I thinking, John?

02:18:25.000 I was like, I'm trying to get molested.

02:18:30.000 Let's make some headlines, baby!

02:18:33.000 They just arrested a teacher the other day. 1.00

02:18:35.000 Some hot lady with a fucking one wonky eye. 1.00

02:18:38.000 It was always like something wrong with them. 1.00

02:18:41.000 Just slightly off.

02:18:42.000 But isn't that like...

02:18:43.000 That's like the honest conversation that is hard for people to digest.

02:18:47.000 That the rules are...

02:18:48.000 They're different.

02:18:49.000 They're different.

02:18:51.000 The problem is that we know the rules are different, so then some lunatic comes on and they stretch the fact that the rules are different and then people start to listen to them because they're making a little bit of sense.

02:19:00.000 But if we had just a little bit more wiggle room in things, I don't think I think the extremists even exist.

02:19:06.000 The fact that everything's so rigid, only the loudest voices come out.

02:19:10.000 If we just listened a little bit more to both sides, any fucking debate, abortion, anything like that, if we just listen a little bit more and we're like, yeah, I kind of get where they're coming from a little bit, you don't get the extreme voices.

02:19:21.000 But when nobody's heard, the loudest voices are the only ones that make noise. 0.60

02:19:27.000 What's also, people dig in their heels and defend their side and never want to look at how other people see things.

02:19:33.000 Yeah, because it's so tribal, dude.

02:19:34.000 It's like, people like, and this is something even like, like with the special, like I had a lot of like people reaching out asking me to come on their shows.

02:19:40.000 And I'm like, like political shows.

02:19:42.000 And I'm like, political shows?

02:19:43.000 Yeah, and I'm like, I don't want to be mascotted.

02:19:46.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

02:19:47.000 Oh, like right-wing politicians.

02:19:48.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:19:49.000 It's always right-wing.

02:19:50.000 It's always right-wing.

02:19:51.000 The left-wing ones won't have anything to do with anybody like us.

02:19:54.000 They won't call.

02:19:55.000 It's crazy because what I said is I would only do one if I had the opposite to balance it.

02:20:00.000 And I go, I appreciate the support, but you got to understand, if I do this, I'll be mascotted.

02:20:05.000 And then people will make this about a political thing when it's comedy.

02:20:09.000 I'm loyal to the jokes.

02:20:11.000 My side is comedy.

02:20:13.000 Your side is comedy.

02:20:15.000 When we're doing stand-up, it's not like we're going to change the world.

02:20:19.000 It's what's the funniest thing to say. 0.99

02:20:21.000 Sometimes it is that teacher fucking... 1.00

02:20:24.000 The student is funny. 1.00

02:20:25.000 Yeah.

02:20:25.000 That's the funny thing.

02:20:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:27.000 The 16-year-old boy getting some pussy from his teacher? 1.00

02:20:29.000 That's funny. 1.00

02:20:30.000 That's funny.

02:20:30.000 Objectively funny.

02:20:31.000 Why'd you tell your mom? 1.00

02:20:32.000 High school football coach fucking a 15-year-old girl. 1.00

02:20:35.000 Not funny. 1.00

02:20:36.000 Make you angry.

02:20:37.000 Makes you pissed off.

02:20:38.000 Yeah.

02:20:38.000 So it's like...

02:20:39.000 35-year-old man, 15-year-old girl, violent. 1.00

02:20:42.000 Fuck that guy. 1.00

02:20:43.000 We gotta get him out of here. 1.00

02:20:44.000 Right.

02:20:44.000 Like, we gotta get him out of here.

02:20:45.000 But 35-year-old woman, hot, big cans. 1.00

02:20:48.000 How is that dick suck? 1.00

02:20:49.000 15-year-old boy, did you come? 1.00

02:20:51.000 Did I? Did you come?

02:20:52.000 Well, then, what the fuck? 1.00

02:20:54.000 What the fuck are you crying about? 1.00

02:20:56.000 Did she suck your dick? 1.00

02:20:58.000 Was it hard? 1.00

02:20:58.000 What are you saying? 1.00

02:20:59.000 I'm just saying.

02:21:00.000 Here's the thing.

02:21:01.000 I actually think, and this sounds crazy, but I actually think there's a little bit of heroism in those women that do that because they know no 16-year-old boy can satisfy them sexually.

02:21:12.000 At 16, I was busting off.

02:21:15.000 Yeah, but you could bust off four or five times in a row.

02:21:18.000 Once you get that second one in you, you can last a little.

02:21:22.000 Second nut?

02:21:22.000 I'm a champion.

02:21:23.000 Yeah, you can fucking last a little. 0.99

02:21:25.000 But here's where you'd get upset if you found out your 15-year-old... 0.99

02:21:29.000 So many women are judging us on our first nuts. 1.00

02:21:32.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77

02:21:33.000 Listen, back in the day, you had to come quick because a leopard might eat you.

02:21:45.000 Why did I learn this excuse at 38?

02:21:49.000 Babe! 1.00

02:21:50.000 Babe, there's leopards around! 0.73

02:21:52.000 It's built in!

02:21:53.000 That's true!

02:21:54.000 It's built into the human! 0.93

02:21:55.000 You had to come quick!

02:21:58.000 You didn't have no time to be romancing!

02:21:59.000 Bro, it's not our fault that...

02:22:01.000 No!

02:22:01.000 Nature built us this way!

02:22:03.000 And it didn't build women needing to come to get pregnant.

02:22:06.000 Right.

02:22:07.000 If it built women needing to come to get pregnant, they'd come quick too! 1.00

02:22:10.000 Yeah.

02:22:10.000 Do you know they taught me that in high school?

02:22:12.000 Wait, what? 1.00

02:22:12.000 That women have orgasms when men ejaculate inside of them. 1.00

02:22:17.000 So now you're just busting in chicks? 1.00

02:22:19.000 In the 1980s.

02:22:19.000 That's crazy.

02:22:20.000 That's how dumb sex education was in the 1980s. 1.00

02:22:22.000 Nah, that's crazy. 0.99

02:22:23.000 They taught us that.

02:22:26.000 I know I'm not remembering this wrong, because I remember being in high school, and I think I was like 14 or 15 years old going, I don't think that's right.

02:22:39.000 My limited understanding of orgasms have never been around one.

02:22:44.000 I'd never made a girl calm. 0.87

02:22:45.000 I'd never had sex.

02:22:47.000 But I kind of understood sex and I'd seen porn and I'd seen like magazines and stuff and I'm like, I don't think that's right.

02:22:53.000 I don't think that's right. 0.93

02:22:55.000 And I remember a buddy of mine was telling me, yeah, a girl can't even come unless you come inside of her. 0.98

02:23:00.000 I was like, man, that just seems sus.

02:23:03.000 This seems very suspect.

02:23:06.000 Like, this is like...

02:23:07.000 That's how you have teenage pregnancy. 0.98

02:23:10.000 But it's just...

02:23:11.000 Right?

02:23:11.000 Like, if you learn that in school, you're gonna nut in these girls.

02:23:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:23:16.000 Like, that's the worst thing you could tell a teenager who's feeling insecure and wants to satisfy a girl, and now he's gonna take the ultimate sacrifice.

02:23:22.000 Yeah.

02:23:23.000 And the first time, like, a girl came with me, it was like me going down to my girlfriend when she was like 16 and I was 16. And I was like, well, obviously the fuck... 0.99

02:23:32.000 I didn't come inside her. 1.00

02:23:33.000 This is bullshit! 1.00

02:23:35.000 But I'm like, you sure you came? 1.00

02:23:37.000 Do you remember those days where you weren't... 0.99

02:23:41.000 I remember the first time a girl made me orgasm from a blowjob. 0.99

02:23:45.000 I nutted so hard my ears rang. 0.99

02:23:48.000 I've never had that since.

02:23:51.000 It's like the first hit of heroin.

02:23:54.000 I've been chasing that monkey ever since.

02:23:56.000 I'll never forget this. 0.99

02:23:58.000 Dude, when I was younger, I'm really young, I learned what jerking off was, but I didn't cum yet. 1.00

02:24:04.000 No bullshit. 1.00

02:24:04.000 I would jerk my dick in the shower, stop, I would pee, and then I would put my finger in front of the pee, and then I'd taste my finger to see, I was like, well, is this cum? 1.00

02:24:17.000 And I swear to God, I swear to God in my life, I was tasting pee off my finger because I didn't know what an orgasm was. 0.99

02:24:27.000 I didn't know the feeling.

02:24:28.000 You don't know the feeling yet, so there's no way to understand it.

02:24:30.000 And then I remember the first time I actually did cum, and I was like, I don't even need to taste that. 0.97

02:24:42.000 One of the first times that I had sex with my girlfriend in high school, I pulled out and I shot a load in my face. 0.99

02:24:48.000 In your own? 1.00

02:24:48.000 In my own face. 1.00

02:24:49.000 Because I was on top of her.

02:24:51.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:24:51.000 And we were having sex. 0.98

02:24:53.000 And I pulled out. 0.89

02:24:55.000 And when I pulled out, I just went...

02:24:56.000 It just shot right in my mug.

02:24:59.000 Because back then, you would shoot... 0.98

02:25:01.000 Because I didn't really jerk off back then. 0.99

02:25:03.000 Yup. 0.79

02:25:03.000 You had it packed in. 0.79

02:25:04.000 So I was shooting like a broken fire.

02:25:07.000 Yup.

02:25:08.000 Yup.

02:25:10.000 Puerto Ricans playing stickball outside.

02:25:13.000 It was just going.

02:25:15.000 I hit my face once.

02:25:16.000 I hit my face.

02:25:17.000 This side.

02:25:18.000 A girl was on top, hopped off. 1.00

02:25:20.000 Boom.

02:25:21.000 Smacked this side of my face.

02:25:22.000 I hit myself right in the face.

02:25:23.000 Right in the nose, the mouth.

02:25:25.000 It was just like, whoa.

02:25:25.000 And you know what, ladies?

02:25:27.000 It's not that bad.

02:25:28.000 It's not that bad.

02:25:29.000 What's all the hullabaloo about?

02:25:31.000 It's also because it was my own.

02:25:32.000 I still don't want my own.

02:25:33.000 If it wasn't other guys, that would be a real problem.

02:25:35.000 Oh, that's true.

02:25:36.000 I don't want other guys, but theirs, I mean, we're so like intimate with them, like when we're going down on them, there's no, like the fluids are there.

02:25:42.000 Have you seen that video? 0.99

02:25:44.000 There's a girl, she's on a podcast, and she's talking to this guy about, she's a porn star, she's talking to this guy about how her boyfriend was asleep, and so she wanted to fuck her ex, so she ran down to the gas station. 0.99

02:25:57.000 Cap. 0.98

02:25:58.000 Have you seen it?

02:25:59.000 Cap.

02:25:59.000 I don't believe it's real.

02:26:00.000 Really?

02:26:00.000 It's in Toronto, right?

02:26:02.000 I saw, I think, Six Buzz, which is a Toronto Instagram account.

02:26:06.000 It's like TMZ for Toronto. 1.00

02:26:07.000 Yeah, I don't know if it's in Toronto or America, but she was saying her ex-boyfriend came inside of her, and then she came home, and then her current boyfriend ate her pussy and was talking about how good her pussy tasted. 1.00

02:26:23.000 He was eating her ex-boyfriend's cum. 1.00

02:26:24.000 Cloud chase. 1.00

02:26:25.000 Cloud chase.

02:26:26.000 Interesting.

02:26:26.000 Do you believe that, honestly, a girl would do that?

02:26:28.000 I'd like to believe it because it's disgusting.

02:26:30.000 Or is it hot? 1.00

02:26:31.000 Well, it's not hot to me, you fucking weirdo. 1.00

02:26:35.000 Let me take you to a brothel in Pompeii, bro. 1.00

02:26:38.000 We'll figure all this out.

02:26:40.000 Why are you so judgmental?

02:26:42.000 Right?

02:26:42.000 Exactly.

02:26:43.000 It's like, yo, dude, some people want to eat cum. 0.62

02:26:45.000 They've been doing this for thousands of years. 0.99

02:26:47.000 Well, there's got to be a guy out there that does want to have a girl get cream-pied and then eat the cum out of her. 1.00

02:26:54.000 Those guys are real. 1.00

02:26:55.000 And he shouldn't even know he likes it.

02:27:00.000 How's that? 1.00

02:27:01.000 Meaning, like, how much other shit do you gotta do before you're like, I wanna eat another guy's cum out of a pussy. 1.00

02:27:09.000 Like, do you know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:27:10.000 Like, how do you go through the whole gambit of things?

02:27:14.000 I've never had this conversation with a girl. 0.98

02:27:15.000 She was like, pineapple makes a guy's cum taste better. 1.00

02:27:17.000 I go, how many dicks do you have to suck before you figure that out? 1.00

02:27:22.000 I was thinking. 1.00

02:27:22.000 You like asparagus? 1.00

02:27:23.000 Nope.

02:27:24.000 Roast beef.

02:27:25.000 Don't like it.

02:27:28.000 Pineapples.

02:27:29.000 Hey! 0.99

02:27:30.000 Hey! 0.99

02:27:31.000 Funny you mention that.

02:27:32.000 I'm Hawaiian.

02:27:33.000 Blueberries.

02:27:34.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:27:35.000 Blueberries.

02:27:37.000 Dude, imagine...

02:27:38.000 Funny you mention that.

02:27:39.000 I'm Hawaiian. 0.85

02:27:40.000 Imagine what a cock connoisseur you gotta be to meet a guy and know what fruits or vegetables he's been needing to notice come taste like. 0.91

02:27:49.000 I taste coconut. 0.97

02:27:54.000 Yo! 1.00

02:27:54.000 I'm fucking crying, bro. 1.00

02:27:56.000 Imagine! 0.99

02:27:57.000 Dude, imagine the girl who feels comfortable saying that even.

02:28:01.000 Right.

02:28:02.000 Like, that's crazy.

02:28:03.000 That's crazy, yeah.

02:28:04.000 But I think she's just being honest.

02:28:06.000 And probably not even realizing how anybody's going to read into it.

02:28:09.000 Bro, I was at, there's a, what's the comedy club in Denver?

02:28:11.000 I can't believe I'm forgetting about it.

02:28:13.000 You did a special there.

02:28:14.000 Comedy Works.

02:28:14.000 Comedy Works in Denver.

02:28:14.000 A girl that works at Comedy Works in Denver told me one time, she's like, I got a douche.

02:28:18.000 I'm like, why?

02:28:19.000 And then she's like, listen, I eat red meat and drink Dr. Pepper. 1.00

02:28:23.000 My pussy don't taste that good. 1.00

02:28:26.000 That sounds perfect. 1.00

02:28:28.000 Let me decide.

02:28:32.000 I think you're wrong.

02:28:33.000 It was one of the funniest things I ever heard.

02:28:36.000 I eat red meat and drink Dr. Pepper.

02:28:41.000 That is hilarious.

02:28:43.000 What a hilarious thing to say.

02:28:44.000 How many funny people have you run into that have never done comedy?

02:28:48.000 So many, right?

02:28:49.000 Bro.

02:28:49.000 So many really, really funny people that just don't do comedy.

02:28:54.000 This is interesting.

02:28:55.000 Because like...

02:28:58.000 I don't know.

02:28:58.000 I love characters, like, in terms of people in general.

02:29:02.000 Like, I'm drawn to them.

02:29:03.000 Like, the people who are funny without even trying to be, they're just, like, so pure in their humor, you know?

02:29:09.000 And the people who make you laugh when they're being serious.

02:29:12.000 Right, right, right.

02:29:13.000 Like, your favorite people, right?

02:29:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:29:18.000 And they can't translate that to the stage.

02:29:22.000 The special ones can.

02:29:23.000 Like, Joey Diaz is one of those people who can take it from the street to the stage.

02:29:28.000 Do you know Joey had to figure that out, though?

02:29:30.000 Yeah, he said that.

02:29:31.000 Do you know that when I met Joey he was not good at stand-up?

02:29:35.000 Really?

02:29:36.000 Yes.

02:29:36.000 Joey was the king of the parking lot.

02:29:39.000 So killed in the parking lot.

02:29:41.000 Oh my god, killed.

02:29:43.000 And then what happened on stage that he just, it didn't connect?

02:29:45.000 It was contrived.

02:29:47.000 Well, Joey was trying to make it in Hollywood, right?

02:29:51.000 Like he was trying to get a sitcom, be a movie, you know, and Think he was too concerned about that. 0.81

02:29:59.000 He was too concerned about like having agents come to see him getting a manager like when you're just Scratching by and you're staying on your friend's couch like Joey was when I first met him It's like a fucking it's so the difference between being able to get an apartment and go to a restaurant and buy a meal and not It's like so delicate.

02:30:23.000 There's such a balance that I think that fear held him back.

02:30:29.000 And then one day, he just figured it out.

02:30:33.000 And it coincided with him getting fat, which is wild, because he gave up on both things.

02:30:39.000 He gave up on worrying what he looked like, and he gave up on worrying what people thought about him at the same time.

02:30:45.000 He would fart into the microphone and just like it was nothing.

02:30:50.000 Hold on, I gotta do it.

02:30:50.000 Hold on.

02:30:51.000 And then he'd keep talking like it was nothing.

02:30:54.000 Like, most people, a guy farting into a microphone, that's not even funny.

02:30:57.000 No, you gotta see Joey do it.

02:30:59.000 Because it was just, he was like, suka! 1.00

02:31:02.000 And then he'd go right back to his fucking... 0.99

02:31:04.000 It wasn't his bit. 0.99

02:31:05.000 No, it wasn't his bit at all.

02:31:06.000 It was Joey being Joey.

02:31:07.000 It was Joey being Joey.

02:31:08.000 And there's liberation from not wanting the acceptance of the industry.

02:31:13.000 I think Patrice even had a story about that. 0.98

02:31:15.000 He went to Aspen or one of these things and he played the fucking game and he was trying to be the guy and got nothing out of it. 1.00

02:31:22.000 And he was like, fuck this. 0.99

02:31:24.000 And that freedom to just be you on stage, that creates the purity and the authenticity. 1.00

02:31:31.000 But those people that are hilarious offstage...

02:31:34.000 You could never translate it?

02:31:36.000 I don't know if they can never, but they just haven't.

02:31:39.000 They could be done, they just haven't figured out how to do it.

02:31:43.000 It's nice that they don't too.

02:31:44.000 Right.

02:31:45.000 Just because they're funny, just funny.

02:31:46.000 Like Alex Jones.

02:31:48.000 Alex is genuinely funny.

02:31:51.000 Every once in a while, there's a clip that comes up on my YouTube.

02:31:55.000 It's Alex is sitting, is it right here or the old studio?

02:31:59.000 And he goes, Joe, here's the thing. 0.92

02:32:04.000 I'm retarded. 0.95

02:32:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:32:05.000 He goes, I'm kind of retarded. 0.99

02:32:07.000 I'm kind of retarded. 0.99

02:32:07.000 And I fall out of the chair. 0.99

02:32:09.000 No, no, no.

02:32:10.000 This is my fan part, right? 0.98

02:32:12.000 He goes, I'm kind of retarded. 0.85

02:32:13.000 And then you go... 0.94

02:32:15.000 There's a moment where you try...

02:32:19.000 No, no.

02:32:20.000 You try to hear him out.

02:32:22.000 And then your brain...

02:32:24.000 Like something like old in your brain just switches off and go, this is the funniest thing that I've ever heard.

02:32:29.000 Do you know that moment is so famous that people use that...

02:32:35.000 Him holding his hands up like this, and they attach it in memes.

02:32:40.000 Because people know what he said when he had his hands like that.

02:32:44.000 So he doesn't even need to say the thing.

02:32:45.000 And it's like, me in physics class, and then having Alex Jones like... 0.99

02:32:53.000 He was so funny on your fucking show. 0.99

02:32:56.000 Oh my God. 1.00

02:32:57.000 Dude, he fucking murdered. 1.00

02:32:58.000 Did they pull your... 1.00

02:32:59.000 There it is.

02:32:59.000 They pulled the first one.

02:33:00.000 Here it is.

02:33:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:33:01.000 We got to watch.

02:33:02.000 Play it from the beginning.

02:33:02.000 Your face?

02:33:03.000 Hold on.

02:33:04.000 We're going to be fine.

02:33:05.000 Listen.

02:33:06.000 I'm going to be honest with you. 0.98

02:33:09.000 I'm kind of retarded. 0.95

02:33:13.000 There's a moment and then you can hear you go. 0.96

02:33:17.000 I'm going to be honest with you. 0.99

02:33:20.000 I'm kind of retarded. 0.89

02:33:26.000 It's over. 0.68

02:33:27.000 That dude is so funny!

02:33:29.000 There's nothing left!

02:33:30.000 But he's so funny all the time like that.

02:33:34.000 We're going to have dinner with him tonight.

02:33:35.000 Yes, we are.

02:33:36.000 That's going to be wild.

02:33:37.000 What are we asking?

02:33:38.000 Oh, we're just going to talk, man. 0.99

02:33:40.000 He'll tell us some shit about the Great Reset. 0.99

02:33:42.000 Waitress, enjoy your meal. 1.00

02:33:44.000 Me.

02:33:45.000 You too.

02:33:46.000 Me.

02:33:48.000 There's so many of those.

02:33:49.000 There's so many memes like that.

02:33:53.000 I'm kidding.

02:34:01.000 That's the thing.

02:34:02.000 Funny people are funny, bro.

02:34:03.000 Yeah, funny people are funny.

02:34:04.000 And funny is something...

02:34:07.000 I don't want to like...

02:34:08.000 There's this movie.

02:34:10.000 There's this movie.

02:34:11.000 The new Thor movie.

02:34:11.000 Did you see the new Thor movie?

02:34:12.000 I haven't seen it.

02:34:13.000 Is it good?

02:34:13.000 It's good.

02:34:14.000 I mean, it's really good.

02:34:15.000 The director's really brilliant.

02:34:17.000 And Chris Hemsworth, who I know you know is a hunk.

02:34:19.000 Hunk a man. 0.70

02:34:20.000 Hunk a man. 0.70

02:34:21.000 So Chris is a genius.

02:34:23.000 I literally think he's a genius at acting.

02:34:26.000 I mean that seriously.

02:34:27.000 I know it's crazy to look at a buff, handsome guy and be like, he's really good at that.

02:34:30.000 He's...

02:34:31.000 Both funny and dramatic.

02:34:33.000 There's a few people who've done that really well. 0.94

02:34:35.000 Woody Harrelson can do that really fucking well. 0.96

02:34:38.000 He can be hysterical. 1.00

02:34:40.000 Or he can be natural born killers. 1.00

02:34:41.000 Natural born motherfucking killers. 1.00

02:34:43.000 Straight drama. 1.00

02:34:44.000 Yeah.

02:34:46.000 Jamie Foxx can do that.

02:34:48.000 Jamie Foxx, I think, is the most talented entertainer alive.

02:34:53.000 I agree.

02:34:54.000 He can do anybody's...

02:34:55.000 You see him do Floyd Mayweather?

02:34:57.000 Floyd.

02:34:58.000 Chappelle.

02:34:58.000 Yeah, the Chappelle one's insane.

02:35:00.000 He's... 1.00

02:35:00.000 Insane. 1.00

02:35:02.000 Sing.

02:35:03.000 Play piano.

02:35:03.000 They can sing like Ray Charles.

02:35:05.000 Play piano.

02:35:06.000 Act.

02:35:07.000 Do stand-up.

02:35:08.000 Do stand-up.

02:35:09.000 Do everything.

02:35:10.000 He's so...

02:35:12.000 You ever met him?

02:35:13.000 No. 1.00

02:35:14.000 Nicest fucking guy. 1.00

02:35:15.000 He's been really sweet to me. 0.99

02:35:16.000 He always comments, he reached out, and he's been really fucking awesome. 0.57

02:35:19.000 He's a great guy.

02:35:19.000 Is he cool?

02:35:19.000 Like a genuinely great guy.

02:35:21.000 And he can bust balls. 0.99

02:35:22.000 Oh yeah. 0.99

02:35:23.000 There's a video of him and Kevin Hart going on it on his radio, and yo, Kev can roast.

02:35:29.000 I'm talking about in the room.

02:35:31.000 If you go with Kev, dude is 5'5", grew up in Philly.

02:35:34.000 He knows how to throw down.

02:35:36.000 But Jamie can throw down, too.

02:35:38.000 And you think, oh, here's this Hollywood guy who's a thespian and a piano player. 0.97

02:35:42.000 He can get motherfucking busy. 0.97

02:35:44.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:35:45.000 But fucking Chris, there's the actress in the movie, I forget her fucking name, Natalie Portman, who's a brilliantly talented dramatic actress. 0.99

02:35:53.000 You can't do comedy. 0.99

02:35:55.000 Because you can't pretend to be funny.

02:35:57.000 You can pretend to be sad.

02:35:58.000 You can pretend to be happy.

02:35:59.000 You can't pretend to be funny.

02:36:01.000 She can't hit the funny. 0.99

02:36:03.000 Chris is mopping the floor with this girl, bro.

02:36:06.000 Is she trying to be funny?

02:36:07.000 She's trying hard, dude.

02:36:09.000 And I appreciate the effort, but...

02:36:12.000 It's a timing thing, right?

02:36:13.000 I don't know what it is!

02:36:15.000 Are you born that way?

02:36:17.000 But if someone writes it out for you...

02:36:18.000 Doesn't matter.

02:36:20.000 But I'm saying if someone writes it out for you, it's a timing thing that you can't get.

02:36:23.000 You don't...

02:36:24.000 Right?

02:36:25.000 Yeah, like the joke is funny, but the way that you're delivering it for whatever reason doesn't work.

02:36:30.000 Like, did you ever see Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks?

02:36:33.000 No, but I know the stand-up movie, yeah.

02:36:35.000 It might as well be Doctor Strange.

02:36:37.000 Because you're watching it, and you're like, well, this isn't real.

02:36:40.000 Like, why is everybody laughing?

02:36:41.000 It doesn't make any sense.

02:36:42.000 Like, they're killing, like, Sally Fields is killing.

02:36:45.000 And you're like, this is the worst show I've ever heard.

02:36:48.000 But, like, if you see the marvelous Mrs. Maisel, you're like, that lady's funny. 0.99

02:36:53.000 She's fucking funny. 0.98

02:36:54.000 Like, it works. 1.00

02:36:55.000 At least season one worked.

02:36:57.000 You know? 0.98

02:36:57.000 It's like, I believe that this is this frustrated housewife who gets a couple of drinks in her, and she's fucking hilarious. 0.98

02:37:04.000 Because there are people like that out there. 0.80

02:37:05.000 They really do exist.

02:37:07.000 Yeah.

02:37:08.000 There's a... 0.99

02:37:09.000 What was the guy from the fucking Honeymooners? 0.99

02:37:11.000 What's his name? 0.99

02:37:12.000 Ralph Cramden?

02:37:12.000 Is that his name?

02:37:13.000 Yes.

02:37:13.000 Yeah, Jackie Gleason.

02:37:14.000 No, Jackie Gleason.

02:37:15.000 Yeah.

02:37:16.000 So I heard, and I'm sure this is like old Hollywood lore, but like a couple drinks in him and he was the funniest human being on stage.

02:37:24.000 Oh, Jackie Gleason was hilarious, but also a great...

02:37:28.000 You know, he played Minnesota Fats in The Hustler.

02:37:31.000 That's the pool movie.

02:37:32.000 The original one that...

02:37:33.000 The original one.

02:37:34.000 And he wasn't funny at all in that movie.

02:37:37.000 Not only that, he was deadpan and dead serious.

02:37:40.000 And he was like the top gambler in the world of pool.

02:37:44.000 And Paul Newman travels from Oakland, California to New York City to play him.

02:37:49.000 And there's no funny in it at all.

02:37:51.000 And this is like after the Honeymooners. 0.99

02:37:53.000 I mean, this fucking guy cut his... 1.00

02:37:55.000 He made his bones being a comedian. 1.00

02:37:58.000 To the moon, Alice!

02:38:00.000 I mean, he was over the top funny. 1.00

02:38:02.000 And then he does this fucking movie where he plays this guy with a fucking carnation in his pocket. 1.00

02:38:07.000 It's like... 1.00

02:38:08.000 Do you like to gamble, Eddie?

02:38:10.000 Do you like to gamble money on pool games?

02:38:13.000 And he goes, Big John, you think this boy's a hustler?

02:38:16.000 And they're setting up a pool game.

02:38:18.000 There's no comedy in it at all.

02:38:20.000 And by the way, out of all the people that have ever played pool in a movie, he's the only one that can really play.

02:38:26.000 There's him right here. 0.99

02:38:27.000 He can fucking play, man. 1.00

02:38:28.000 You watch him play, look at the carnation. 1.00

02:38:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:38:32.000 But when you watch him play, like, Paul Newman couldn't play a fucking lick. 0.99

02:38:35.000 But he's a stud. 0.99

02:38:36.000 He was a beautiful man. 1.00

02:38:37.000 What a fucking stud that guy is, huh? 0.99

02:38:38.000 But when you watch this movie... 1.00

02:38:40.000 As a pool player, when I'm watching Jackie Gleason play, that motherfucker 100% could play pool. 0.98

02:38:47.000 The way he's moving around the table, the way he strokes the ball, that's a guy that's played pool thousands of hours in his life. 0.99

02:38:54.000 He could run 100 balls in straight pool.

02:38:56.000 Now what that means is straight pool is like a dying game.

02:39:01.000 Straight pool or straight pool?

02:39:02.000 Straight pool.

02:39:03.000 Straight pool is a game that's otherwise known as 14-1.

02:39:07.000 You don't play colors or solids.

02:39:09.000 It's not rotation where you're playing nine ball where you have to run one through nine.

02:39:13.000 You could shoot any ball you want, and you leave one ball on the table, you make that ball, you use it to break up the other balls, and you keep running balls.

02:39:21.000 And a really elite player can run 100 balls.

02:39:24.000 That's like if you're a stand-up, you've been doing stand-up for 10 years, and you could headline clubs.

02:39:30.000 He headlines all over the country.

02:39:31.000 He's a headliner.

02:39:32.000 That's a guy who could run 100 balls.

02:39:34.000 That's a rare thing in the world of pool.

02:39:37.000 And you're saying that he was...

02:39:38.000 He could run a hundred balls.

02:39:40.000 That's very rare.

02:39:41.000 That's hours.

02:39:43.000 Hours of time.

02:39:44.000 Thousands of hours.

02:39:45.000 And gambling.

02:39:46.000 Because he was a gambler. 1.00

02:39:47.000 So he would play pool with a fucking cigarette in his fingers. 1.00

02:39:51.000 So he would have a cigarette in his finger while he was holding the cue. 1.00

02:39:55.000 And then take a hit, put it down on the table.

02:39:57.000 They would all be playing and smoking cigarettes.

02:40:00.000 Jackie Gleason was a real pool player.

02:40:02.000 That was the guy who really lived.

02:40:05.000 You know, really gambled, drank, the whole deal.

02:40:08.000 You know, remember when, like, Texas Hold'em had this, like, revolution, not revolution, renaissance, if you will.

02:40:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:40:15.000 It came up, and I think it maybe started with the movie Rounders.

02:40:18.000 Do you remember the movie Rounders?

02:40:19.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:40:20.000 Amazing movie.

02:40:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:40:21.000 I was young and influential at the time, but I saw that movie, I started walking around with a pack of cards in my back.

02:40:26.000 I swear to God, I was in high school, I'm like, oh my God, this is the coolest thing ever, right?

02:40:29.000 Yeah.

02:40:30.000 And a horrible poker player, by the way.

02:40:32.000 I think that The same thing probably happened when Hustler came out.

02:40:37.000 100% happened.

02:40:38.000 It did, right?

02:40:39.000 Yeah, 100%.

02:40:39.000 And then The Color of Money.

02:40:40.000 It happened again in the 1980s with Tom Cruise.

02:40:43.000 And one more could make it happen.

02:40:45.000 Because there's a romanticism around the pool hall and around the shark and the characters and this weird...

02:40:52.000 We love the anti-hero.

02:40:55.000 You can be heroic within a misfit...

02:40:59.000 It's like, what's cool about Ocean's Eleven, it's like, they're heroes, but they're all villains.

02:41:03.000 They're not necessarily good people, but they're going after someone who's worse.

02:41:07.000 And we like that.

02:41:09.000 Well, what a real pool player is, is the glorious results of a misspent youth.

02:41:15.000 You have to be hanging out in pool halls to play pool good.

02:41:19.000 You don't learn how to play pool good in your basement.

02:41:21.000 You don't learn how to play pool good in a vacuum.

02:41:24.000 You have to be playing with real players.

02:41:26.000 If you want to be a really good stand-up, you gotta get dirty.

02:41:29.000 You gotta get on stage.

02:41:29.000 You gotta go to the cellar.

02:41:31.000 Yeah.

02:41:31.000 You gotta go to the store.

02:41:32.000 You gotta go to the improv.

02:41:33.000 You gotta do late night sets.

02:41:34.000 You gotta do the road.

02:41:36.000 It's the same thing with a pool player.

02:41:37.000 Pool players do the road.

02:41:39.000 You know, they play on the road.

02:41:40.000 Like, it's literally called...

02:41:42.000 There's a book called Playing Off the Rail, and it's about my friend, Tony Anagoni, and this guy, David McCumber, who was Hunter S. Thompson's editor.

02:41:56.000 When Hunter S. Thompson, I forget what newspaper he wrote for, but McCumber was Hunter S. Thompson's editor, and they wrote a book together where my friend Tony, who was a top-flight pool player, they gave him, I think, it was a certain amount of money,

02:42:11.000 like $10,000 or $20,000 in cash, and they taped it to their body and shit, and it traveled around the country playing the best players in the world and wrote a book about it.

02:42:22.000 And my friend Tony, who was a really elite pool player, but very troubled guy, during COVID jumped off a bridge. 0.97

02:42:28.000 He committed suicide.

02:42:30.000 He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

02:42:33.000 Yeah.

02:42:34.000 And very, very sad.

02:42:37.000 Very sad.

02:42:38.000 Because he was really good at a thing, but it was a thing that just, like, didn't have its time anymore. 0.95

02:42:49.000 Like, no one gave a shit about pool anymore. 0.85

02:42:51.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:42:51.000 There was a moment where there was an Asian woman that you would see on ESPN. Jeanette Lee. 0.96

02:42:57.000 Yes.

02:42:57.000 What's her name?

02:42:58.000 Jeanette Lee.

02:42:59.000 You would see her on ESPN. And ESPN was covering Poole a little bit.

02:43:02.000 And I thought Poole was going to have a little bit of a resurgence.

02:43:04.000 There was a time where there was a show.

02:43:08.000 I forget the guy's name who was the host of it.

02:43:11.000 It was a comic who hosted it.

02:43:12.000 It was called Celebrity Poole.

02:43:14.000 And Jeanette Lee was the co-host.

02:43:17.000 And I played on it.

02:43:20.000 With a bunch of other celebrities. 1.00

02:43:21.000 Did you bust their ass? 1.00

02:43:22.000 Oh, killed them. 1.00

02:43:23.000 Destroyed them. 1.00

02:43:24.000 I never lost a game. 1.00

02:43:26.000 I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. 1.00

02:43:28.000 That's the thing about you is like... 1.00

02:43:30.000 You will choose certain things and then dedicate an obscene amount of time to them.

02:43:37.000 In this space, you took me to another room and then you shot a fake elk from a football field away.

02:43:47.000 And you brought one arrow maybe?

02:43:51.000 Yeah, I pulled out one arrow.

02:43:52.000 Because you knew it was going to take one arrow.

02:43:54.000 Yeah, I do whatever you say.

02:43:56.000 I know, I know, I know.

02:43:58.000 And it was like in a very tiny spot.

02:44:00.000 So it's like, if you're competing against you in something, you don't strike me as the person who will compete if you're not proficient.

02:44:08.000 No, I'll compete if I'm not proficient to learn how to get better.

02:44:12.000 When I was playing in tournaments, when I lived in New York, when I was playing pool in tournaments, I was terrible.

02:44:18.000 I had to learn to get good, and that's how you learn.

02:44:20.000 You've got to play.

02:44:21.000 It's like if you want to do jiu-jitsu, you've got to roll.

02:44:24.000 You've got to go in there and spar with people.

02:44:26.000 Have you ever seen this show?

02:44:29.000 Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats.

02:44:30.000 Oh, wow.

02:44:32.000 Wait, that's the original guy that they were referencing in the...

02:44:35.000 No.

02:44:36.000 No, it's not.

02:44:37.000 That's actually New York Fats.

02:44:39.000 This is billiards.

02:44:40.000 This is a different game.

02:44:41.000 This is three cushion billiards.

02:44:42.000 Notice how there's no holes?

02:44:45.000 Three Cushion Billiards is a completely different game.

02:44:48.000 And what is the point of it?

02:44:49.000 You have to connect with one ball and then you go three rails, meaning it has to hit three rails and then collide with the next ball.

02:44:58.000 So watch this.

02:45:00.000 One, two, three, and then collides with that ball.

02:45:03.000 It's a very complex game.

02:45:06.000 It's not satisfying for a lot of people. 0.97

02:45:09.000 Because the balls don't disappear.

02:45:11.000 But notice how he plays it, and he makes the balls collide three rails.

02:45:16.000 This used to be the gentleman's game.

02:45:18.000 The gentleman's game was billiards.

02:45:20.000 And pool came up with it.

02:45:22.000 Pool is actually called pocket billiards, right?

02:45:24.000 But then it was Groucho Marx.

02:45:26.000 But the name pool came from the fact that people would pool their money together to gamble.

02:45:32.000 That's why it's called pool.

02:45:34.000 It's not called pool.

02:45:36.000 It's really called pocket billiards.

02:45:38.000 But pool, like pool halls where people would go to gamble.

02:45:42.000 And the joke about it was like, no gambling.

02:45:45.000 Like, okay.

02:45:46.000 Like, no gambling.

02:45:47.000 It's like bodybuilders and steroids.

02:45:49.000 No steroids.

02:45:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:45:51.000 Like, everybody fucking gambled on pool. 0.98

02:45:52.000 So billiards is the umbrella. 0.99

02:45:54.000 And then underneath that there are different games.

02:45:56.000 There's also one with like studs on these.

02:45:58.000 Yes, that's an Italian billiards.

02:46:00.000 Yeah.

02:46:00.000 Italian billiards, they would put like these little pins.

02:46:03.000 Yeah.

02:46:03.000 And the idea, I don't know how to play that, so I'm not sure, but there was a place in Vegas that we used to play.

02:46:09.000 Me and my friend Max Eberle, who's also a top flight pool player, and this guy who owned it was from Italy.

02:46:16.000 It was the best Italian food in Vegas. 0.97

02:46:19.000 And it was at this fucking little pool hall that was in a strip mall. 0.99

02:46:22.000 And this guy came from Rome. 0.99

02:46:24.000 And he would play this Italian billiards. 0.99

02:46:26.000 And he had a fucking kitchen there. 0.99

02:46:28.000 And he would have imported cheese and this fantastic pasta. 0.99

02:46:32.000 And we would go there to eat, man.

02:46:34.000 We would go there to eat and play pool.

02:46:36.000 It was amazing.

02:46:37.000 But this is the game.

02:46:38.000 I don't understand this game, though.

02:46:39.000 I don't know what the rules are.

02:46:41.000 But they would have these little pins, like little tiny bowling pins.

02:46:44.000 And I don't know if you're supposed to knock them down or if you're supposed to not knock them down.

02:46:49.000 I don't know how it works. 0.98

02:46:51.000 I don't even know where the balls go.

02:46:52.000 But they would have these guys from the old country that would be down there playing. 0.67

02:46:58.000 And a lot of people from South America and Central America, they play that three-cushion billiards.

02:47:03.000 And Europeans, too.

02:47:04.000 It's still popular in Belgium.

02:47:07.000 Three Cushion?

02:47:08.000 Three Cushion.

02:47:08.000 What you watch with Minnesota Fats, that's Three Cushion.

02:47:11.000 But Minnesota Fats wasn't Minnesota Fats.

02:47:13.000 His name was New York Fats.

02:47:15.000 He changed his name to Minnesota Fats after The Hustler because he said, that was about me.

02:47:20.000 But Minnesota Fats was never the best pool player.

02:47:23.000 Willie Moscone was the best pool player.

02:47:25.000 So Minnesota Fats and Willie Moscone used to play games together on television.

02:47:29.000 And Minnesota Fats... 0.99

02:47:31.000 Willie Moscone hated him because he was like this dirty gambler who was like a con artist. 0.95

02:47:38.000 He was a really good player. 0.99

02:47:39.000 But he was like hustling like- Yeah, he was a hustler.

02:47:42.000 Whereas Willie Moscone was the gentleman.

02:47:45.000 He would wear the suits and the ties and up until recently he held the world record in straight pool for the most amount of balls run.

02:47:53.000 Which was?

02:47:54.000 I think it was like in the 500s, ran 500 balls.

02:47:57.000 But then a guy named John Schmidt, he beat that.

02:48:01.000 And then a guy named Jason Shaw just beat it again.

02:48:04.000 Jason Shaw, I think he ran 700 plus balls, which is wild.

02:48:09.000 Yeah, that's insane. 0.98

02:48:10.000 Crazy.

02:48:10.000 But Jason Shaw is like top of the food chain professional pool player right now, currently.

02:48:16.000 There's like a few guys, there's like maybe 20 guys worldwide that are like top of the food chain.

02:48:21.000 And he's right in there.

02:48:23.000 When I was living in Barcelona.

02:48:26.000 How long were you living in Barcelona?

02:48:28.000 Like almost a year.

02:48:29.000 What were you doing there?

02:48:30.000 I just took a year off school, and I wanted to learn Spanish.

02:48:33.000 Really?

02:48:34.000 Yeah.

02:48:35.000 So I worked in an ad agency out there, and it was cool.

02:48:38.000 And that was actually really cool, because it opens up a whole world to you.

02:48:42.000 You learn another language.

02:48:43.000 You learn jokes from other people.

02:48:46.000 But I would always walk by.

02:48:49.000 I lived near this place, the Arc de Triomphe. 0.99

02:48:51.000 Also the French Arc de Triomphe that they fucking love. 0.99

02:48:54.000 That's a rip-off of the Roman one, so another reason why Paris sucks. 0.98

02:48:57.000 But I lived by the Arc de Triomphe and there was a park there and there was all these older guys that would go play, I believe it's called Bocce Ball?

02:49:05.000 Bocce Ball, yeah.

02:49:06.000 Yeah, it's an Italian game.

02:49:07.000 And I would sit and watch them. 0.99

02:49:10.000 And it gave me like this great hope because I was like, oh, when I'm 70, when I'm 70, I'm going to be able to hang out with my boys And have a shit talking game. 1.00

02:49:21.000 And they were talking shit. 1.00

02:49:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:49:23.000 Making fun of one another. 1.00

02:49:24.000 And I think that's kind of like...

02:49:25.000 That's the importance of games like pool and golf.

02:49:29.000 Like these games that don't revolve around pure physical exertion.

02:49:33.000 But rather skill...

02:49:35.000 Where you can continue to do them at an elevated age and still get the camaraderie aspect that we need as guys.

02:49:42.000 We need to be around one another, making fun of each other, like, busting balls, talking about what's happening in the world. 0.99

02:49:48.000 And I saw these guys that were so fucking happy, talking shit, and I would just sit weirdly, like, sit and watch them play. 0.99

02:49:55.000 And I was like, this is great. 0.99

02:49:57.000 That when I'm 70, I'm going to have my version of that with my guys. 0.98

02:50:01.000 Like, I think, hobbies, activity, whatever the fuck it is. 0.84

02:50:06.000 But I was like, that is important. 0.90

02:50:08.000 And I think pool is one of those.

02:50:10.000 And like, weirdly, when I was younger, it was just this incredibly popular thing.

02:50:13.000 Like, people had pool tables in their homes. 0.98

02:50:15.000 Like, if you were like a rich kid, they had a fucking pool table there. 0.98

02:50:18.000 It was like a part of your house. 0.96

02:50:20.000 And I feel like that's kind of like left.

02:50:22.000 Yeah, well, sometimes people have them, but they just don't use them.

02:50:25.000 It's like a treadmill.

02:50:27.000 Yeah, it just sits there so people think you use it?

02:50:29.000 Yeah.

02:50:31.000 A lot of people buy treadmills, they never use them.

02:50:33.000 They buy pool tables, they never learn how to play.

02:50:36.000 Like, where's your chalk?

02:50:37.000 You know how you chalk? 0.99

02:50:38.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

02:50:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:50:44.000 When I was a kid, I was like 22 or 23 when I moved to New York.

02:50:51.000 I guess I was 23. Yeah.

02:50:52.000 Where'd you live?

02:50:53.000 I lived in New Rochelle.

02:50:54.000 And the reason why I lived in New Rochelle was so I could be closer to White Plains, which is where White Plains Billiards was.

02:51:01.000 Executive Billiards in White Plains.

02:51:03.000 And that's where I started playing.

02:51:05.000 And when I would go there, one of the things, it was an old school pool hall back in the day.

02:51:11.000 Now it's not. 0.98

02:51:11.000 I think it was still around up until recently, but it became like a club, like loud music and lights and shit. 0.98

02:51:17.000 It fell apart because they needed to make money and they sold it a bunch of times to different people.

02:51:21.000 But when I was there in the 90s, Executive Billiards was a gambling pool hall where people would travel from around the country.

02:51:31.000 I remember there was a dude who came down from Montreal to play my friend Johnny B. He came down...

02:51:38.000 The guy I met?

02:51:39.000 Yeah.

02:51:39.000 No, no, no.

02:51:39.000 You didn't have Johnny.

02:51:40.000 You met Tommy.

02:51:41.000 Tommy.

02:51:41.000 I met Tommy Jr. He was another one.

02:51:42.000 He was another professional pool player at the time who had to get a job.

02:51:48.000 But these guys would...

02:51:51.000 Travel to the spot because they knew they could get action there.

02:51:53.000 There's action pool halls.

02:51:55.000 Chelsea Billiards was a big one.

02:51:57.000 Amsterdam, I think, was one.

02:51:58.000 Eh, Amsterdam was more of a high-end league place.

02:52:06.000 Where people would go and they'd play.

02:52:08.000 You could get games there, but it wasn't a dirty pool hall.

02:52:11.000 It was always very upscale, very nice.

02:52:14.000 It was like they took billiards to another level.

02:52:18.000 They took it to this really refined, very good waitresses, good service, clean tables. 0.97

02:52:27.000 Executive wasn't like that at all.

02:52:28.000 Right. 0.86

02:52:29.000 Executive Billiards was dirty.

02:52:30.000 It was like you had like a lot of homeless people that would hang out there.

02:52:33.000 People would fall asleep there because they didn't have a home.

02:52:36.000 And I remember being like a total misfit, right?

02:52:42.000 I was an amateur comedian.

02:52:44.000 He was trying to become professional and I'd moved to New York and I just started kind of working.

02:52:48.000 I'd only been doing stand-up for like three years, four years maybe.

02:52:52.000 And I was just starting to get work and go on the road a little bit.

02:52:57.000 And I would go and hang out with all these guys.

02:53:00.000 And they all had nicknames.

02:53:02.000 Everyone had a nickname.

02:53:03.000 Like Ray the Fireman.

02:53:04.000 I was Joe the Comedian.

02:53:05.000 There was Ray the Fireman.

02:53:07.000 There was Mount Vernon Tommy.

02:53:09.000 There was White Plains Charlie.

02:53:10.000 There was all these people that were...

02:53:13.000 Total misfits in the rest of society and they would go there and they would have camaraderie and I couldn't wait to go there.

02:53:21.000 I would be on a date with my girlfriend and she'd be boring and I couldn't wait to drop her off at her apartment and head down to White Plains and see my boys.

02:53:29.000 And we would play there till 4 or 5 in the morning and then we would go to the Star Diner in Mount Vernon.

02:53:35.000 We'd eat cheeseburgers.

02:53:36.000 And then after that was done, I'd go to sleep.

02:53:39.000 I'd go to sleep in my apartment. 0.96

02:53:40.000 I'd wake up at like fucking two in the afternoon. 0.99

02:53:43.000 I'd go to the gym. 0.99

02:53:44.000 I'd work out.

02:53:45.000 I'd go do a set somewhere.

02:53:46.000 And then after my set, I couldn't wait to go play pool.

02:53:49.000 I couldn't wait.

02:53:50.000 I'd just get back to that pool hall.

02:53:51.000 And I remember walking in the door. 1.00

02:53:53.000 There'd be some guy yelling at somebody, you want action, motherfucker? 1.00

02:53:56.000 I'll give you a hundred hours, a game, nine games, put up the fucking money. 1.00

02:54:01.000 And they'd start pulling out their money. 0.99

02:54:03.000 They had no intention on gambling.

02:54:05.000 They wanted to pull out the money and they just wanted to bark.

02:54:08.000 They'd bark at each other.

02:54:09.000 And then occasionally people would play and then you'd have guys who were like real top flight players who would gamble.

02:54:15.000 I saw guys play for $10,000 a game.

02:54:17.000 Yeah.

02:54:17.000 Like a game of One Pocket.

02:54:19.000 Yeah.

02:54:19.000 Not a game, but like a set.

02:54:20.000 What's One Pocket? 0.94

02:54:21.000 One pocket is a weird gambler's game where a pool table has six holes, but you would have one pocket to make your balls, and I would have one pocket to make my balls. 0.75

02:54:35.000 And it's like the end pockets, like right where you rack the balls.

02:54:38.000 I would have the right pocket, you'd have the left pocket.

02:54:40.000 And it's a very skillful game.

02:54:42.000 You've got to make sure that there's no shots for your opponent while you have shots and you're trying to bump balls and move them towards your hole.

02:54:49.000 And you have to decide when to bust out and take a chance and fire balls in your hole.

02:54:53.000 Because if you miss, then you leave it open for the other guy and you can just run out.

02:54:58.000 And it's a very skillful game, so it's a game where a lot of people like for gambling.

02:55:03.000 Because it reduces the amount of luck.

02:55:05.000 Like with nine ball, there's a lot of luck in nine ball.

02:55:08.000 What is that that, like...

02:55:11.000 Yeah, like, I guess we crave acceptance, all of us, in general, but, like, there's something about, like, and I think that this, like, inclusion within, like, the misfit communities exists in comedy as well.

02:55:22.000 Like, you're with a bunch of comics, and, like, you feel free to say the wild things that the average civilian would maybe be uncomfortable around.

02:55:31.000 There's a freedom, right?

02:55:33.000 And I think that, like, even, like, the green room, or the cellar, the back table, like, I'm sure the store, there's these things that exist, and it's like, Maybe at its core, it's just like, where can I be the closest version to myself? 0.97

02:55:46.000 And if you see yourself kind of as a little bit of a misfit around all these other motherfuckers that are also misfits, there's liberty. 0.94

02:55:54.000 You're home, dude. 0.99

02:55:55.000 Yeah, well, that's what the pool hall felt like to me at 23 years old, or 24 years old, whatever I was.

02:56:00.000 It felt like I'm finally at a place where I'm around people that are like me.

02:56:05.000 They were all misfits.

02:56:06.000 They were all guys who just got out of jail.

02:56:09.000 Why do we love the misfits?

02:56:11.000 Because they're fun.

02:56:12.000 Because they're fun and they don't care what society thinks about them. 0.75

02:56:16.000 And that is the rarest thing because most people are consumed with what the world thinks about you. 0.97

02:56:21.000 And then you have these interesting people that pop up that go, I don't really give a fuck. 0.97

02:56:26.000 And then the rest of us go, Wow, that's awesome. 0.99

02:56:30.000 I would like to not give a fuck that amount. 0.99

02:56:32.000 I want to be like you. 1.00

02:56:33.000 I want to be like you. 1.00

02:56:34.000 Even though you're a guy who maybe hasn't showered in two days and you're in a pool hall, you say whatever the fuck you want. 0.99

02:56:39.000 And everybody loves it when you show up. 0.99

02:56:43.000 Johnny's here!

02:56:44.000 Johnny, the guy who makes me feel comfortable being me!

02:56:46.000 He's here!

02:56:47.000 Yes.

02:56:48.000 It's why we need him.

02:56:49.000 I always wonder, like, the people who get consumed, and I felt a little bit of this, like, I don't want to, like, trash LA, because I think LA is actually cool, and I have, like, friends who are from there, but there was a little bit, like, I think culturally, because Hollywood is such an institution there, You gravitate to what is working, and whatever's working,

02:57:05.000 regardless if it has merit, people value it.

02:57:08.000 And naturally, as human beings, we're gonna gravitate to that thing. 0.94

02:57:11.000 But I always wondered, like, are those people ever gonna experience what it's like to just fucking let loose? 0.96

02:57:18.000 No. 0.85

02:57:19.000 Not if you need to get booked on your next gig.

02:57:22.000 You're missing out.

02:57:22.000 You can't.

02:57:23.000 Well, you can't even have unorthodox opinions.

02:57:26.000 You can't have heterodox opinions.

02:57:27.000 You have to follow whatever the ideology that's currently running the system wants you to follow.

02:57:33.000 You've got to pay the price.

02:57:34.000 That's why everybody in Hollywood is left-wing, Democrat, across the board, blue no matter who.

02:57:40.000 And even if you don't believe that, you have to say that.

02:57:42.000 Yeah.

02:57:43.000 And now, like, I think before the internet, we couldn't see it as much.

02:57:47.000 Right.

02:57:48.000 And now with the internet, like, the internet is like taking the condom off.

02:57:53.000 Do you know what I mean?

02:57:54.000 Like, I always felt that, like...

02:57:58.000 Like, you see, like, somebody have a...

02:58:00.000 Even your show, for example, like, really exposed to late-night shows, I think.

02:58:03.000 And it wasn't your intention, but, like, you saw someone have, like, a conversation here where they were, like, being themselves.

02:58:08.000 Right.

02:58:08.000 And then they would go on and have a conversation for five minutes on, like, Kimmel, and it'd be like, what am I watching here?

02:58:14.000 Right.

02:58:14.000 Like Nikki.

02:58:15.000 Like Nikki Glaser. 0.69

02:58:16.000 Exactly, right?

02:58:16.000 You know what I was talking about earlier.

02:58:17.000 So it's like, once you feel the condom off, it's hard to go back to the condom.

02:58:26.000 It's almost impossible.

02:58:27.000 It feels weird.

02:58:28.000 It feels like someone's lying to you.

02:58:30.000 It feels disingenuous.

02:58:31.000 Yeah, it feels boring. 0.98

02:58:32.000 It feels fucking boring. 0.71

02:58:33.000 So it's like... 0.95

02:58:34.000 I guess what I'm saying is like... 1.00

02:58:38.000 Human beings have a litmus test for bullshit. 1.00

02:58:40.000 They just have to show that the thing that they're watching is bullshit. 1.00

02:58:46.000 Right. 1.00

02:58:47.000 And once they see that, they can't go back.

02:58:49.000 Right.

02:58:49.000 Once you see it, you can't go back.

02:58:50.000 It's like that movie They Live.

02:58:52.000 What's that?

02:58:53.000 Once you put on the glasses and you see it.

02:58:54.000 You remember that movie, Ratty Roddy Piper?

02:58:57.000 It was like some movie where...

02:58:59.000 The Wrestler?

02:59:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:59:01.000 It was a movie like...

02:59:03.000 Were they aliens?

02:59:04.000 What were they?

02:59:05.000 They were like aliens that were running Earth, but you couldn't see them unless you put these certain glasses on.

02:59:10.000 And you put these glasses on, and that's what everybody really looked like.

02:59:14.000 And once...

02:59:15.000 Like, if you put the glasses on...

02:59:18.000 It was John Carpenter. 1.00

02:59:19.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:59:20.000 OG. Yeah. 1.00

02:59:21.000 See?

02:59:22.000 Obey. 1.00

02:59:22.000 Look at that fucking... 1.00

02:59:23.000 Well, you should get that... 1.00

02:59:25.000 We should get one of those, Jamie.

02:59:28.000 Yeah, we need to get that.

02:59:29.000 You know, large, metal.

02:59:31.000 Get that image.

02:59:32.000 That's what happens.

02:59:34.000 But that's what happens, bro.

02:59:37.000 Yeah.

02:59:37.000 And I feel like...

02:59:38.000 Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

02:59:39.000 You can't see it. 0.99

02:59:40.000 And the thing is, if you make people see things, there are a couple institutions you can't fuck with. 0.99

02:59:48.000 And if you do fuck with them, they understand the power of taking the condom off, and then they throw everything. 0.98

02:59:55.000 And I think Elon's going through that a little bit right now. 0.99

02:59:57.000 Oh, 100%.

02:59:58.000 He and I had a little exchange about that recently.

03:00:01.000 It was like, man, they're really coming after me.

03:00:02.000 Because he went after politics.

03:00:04.000 You can't go after politics.

03:00:05.000 Well, he said he would be Republican.

03:00:06.000 Exactly.

03:00:07.000 And that's when they freaked out.

03:00:08.000 Because he has so much influence.

03:00:10.000 He has like 104 million Twitter followers.

03:00:13.000 He's also what everybody believes to him to be the smartest person.

03:00:16.000 So if the smartest person says something, then you're like, well, that must have merit.

03:00:20.000 He's the smartest guy. 0.97

03:00:21.000 That's a dangerous fucking tool if you're an institution that relies on people believing the condom on is okay. 0.99

03:00:28.000 And then when you take... 1.00

03:00:29.000 This is what happened to you.

03:00:30.000 So I think you became the new version of media's Trump. 0.99

03:00:34.000 It happened to Dave Portnoy from Barstool a bit when he started fucking with finance. 1.00

03:00:39.000 If you fuck with the financial sector, they come for you. 1.00

03:00:43.000 You fuck with politics, they come for you. 1.00

03:00:44.000 It's also just success. 1.00

03:00:45.000 Like, Portnoy made a shitload of money, sold Barstool, and he's also, like, pretty brazenly masculine and open about it.

03:00:55.000 It's a target.

03:00:56.000 You're a target. 1.00

03:00:57.000 They will fucking come for your ass because there's a lot of money to be made in those institutions. 1.00

03:01:01.000 And I wonder if, like, that's interesting that he recognized that as well. 1.00

03:01:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:01:05.000 And they throw the fucking... 0.99

03:01:08.000 They throw everything at you. 1.00

03:01:09.000 Yeah, they throw everything at you.

03:01:10.000 But there's a certain thing called escape velocity.

03:01:14.000 And you've achieved escape velocity.

03:01:15.000 What's that?

03:01:16.000 Like you've gotten so far away that the gravity can't pull you back in.

03:01:20.000 You've gotten so far away they can't get you anymore.

03:01:23.000 And I think he's achieved escape velocity.

03:01:26.000 Certain people have achieved escape velocity.

03:01:28.000 It's like you can't really put that genie back in the bottle.

03:01:31.000 Good luck.

03:01:32.000 You can't catch it.

03:01:32.000 Yeah.

03:01:33.000 Like every time they try to go after you...

03:01:35.000 You get bigger.

03:01:35.000 You get bigger?

03:01:36.000 Yeah.

03:01:37.000 Every time.

03:01:38.000 Chappelle's going through it.

03:01:39.000 It's like every time, it's just bigger.

03:01:41.000 Yeah, you get bigger.

03:01:42.000 And then when you go on stage, they cheer harder.

03:01:43.000 It's wild.

03:01:44.000 Because now you're just not a comic.

03:01:47.000 Yeah.

03:01:47.000 Now they're rooting for your success because they don't like the other thing.

03:01:52.000 They don't like people telling them what to do and what to say and what's okay and what's not okay.

03:01:58.000 They don't like that.

03:01:59.000 Bro, it's like, we're Americans.

03:02:01.000 We're built.

03:02:02.000 Every person that came here...

03:02:05.000 Or two generations away is someone who gave up everything.

03:02:09.000 Literally everything, their family, they give up absolutely everything for an opportunity.

03:02:15.000 They don't like to be told what to do.

03:02:17.000 It's like weirdly, I wonder if rebellion is built into our DNA in a weird way.

03:02:22.000 I don't know if humans exist like that.

03:02:23.000 Built into our culture.

03:02:24.000 But culturally 100%.

03:02:26.000 Yeah, it was a rebellious, freedom-loving culture.

03:02:28.000 I mean, we're the only country that has, like, freedom built into its ethos.

03:02:34.000 I mean, it's a country that was literally founded by immigrants that took a chance on a boat ride before there was YouTube videos.

03:02:41.000 They didn't even have a photo to look at.

03:02:43.000 Someone drew a picture.

03:02:45.000 They're like, yo, it's fire over there.

03:02:46.000 Yeah, I like that picture. 1.00

03:02:48.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00

03:02:48.000 They took their baby and they got on a fucking boat. 1.00

03:02:51.000 To nowhere. 1.00

03:02:51.000 And who knows whether or not these people are telling the truth. 1.00

03:02:54.000 You gotta take that boat ride all the way to fucking Plymouth, Massachusetts and get out and try to carve a life. 0.96

03:03:00.000 And you're gonna tell us what to do? 0.99

03:03:02.000 Yeah.

03:03:03.000 You can't tell the kids of those people what to do.

03:03:06.000 Here's the question.

03:03:07.000 Do you think that, like, that's the only way to achieve, like, a new version of society?

03:03:18.000 Is to start again.

03:03:20.000 Like, what America did, if you go look at the Declaration of Independence, if you go look at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and forget about the fact that a lot of those people, like, by today's standards, were horrible people.

03:03:32.000 Forget about that.

03:03:33.000 Because that is true.

03:03:34.000 No doubt about it.

03:03:35.000 And you could dwell on that forever, but this is just like the times.

03:03:38.000 We're talking about ideas, not people right now.

03:03:39.000 Right.

03:03:41.000 What they did was insanely revolutionary.

03:03:44.000 What they did by setting up the system of government that we have, what they did by setting up the Bill of Rights and the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, all the different rights and rules and regulations in which to govern people by,

03:04:00.000 and set it up as like fail-safes to stop tyranny.

03:04:04.000 And it got pretty fucking far.

03:04:07.000 Got a couple hundred years in before the wheels started really falling off and Nancy Pelosi started making money from insider trading. 1.00

03:04:14.000 But when you get to...

03:04:15.000 And the Clinton body count.

03:04:17.000 But if you get... 0.97

03:04:18.000 If you think about what they did in the beginning to what they got to now, it's pretty fucking amazing.

03:04:25.000 And it's like, I wonder if it would be possible to do again.

03:04:29.000 But there's no place like North America anymore.

03:04:32.000 There's no place where you could just show up.

03:04:35.000 And have water to water.

03:04:36.000 Yeah, that's the thing.

03:04:38.000 It is an amazing miracle that happened and millions of lives were lost in the process.

03:04:44.000 And I'm not talking about Native Americans only.

03:04:46.000 I'm talking about Civil War.

03:04:47.000 I'm talking about just like there's intense life loss to create the thing.

03:04:52.000 But the most unique thing to me is that in history, when human beings have gotten power, they've usually tried to hold on to it.

03:05:02.000 And this, in my estimation, is the first time in history where it's happened and they've relinquished it.

03:05:07.000 And I'm not some historian, so tell me about where it happened in Greece. 0.99

03:05:11.000 Sure, I don't give a fuck. 0.99

03:05:11.000 It did happen in Greece. 0.99

03:05:12.000 It just fell apart.

03:05:14.000 It fell apart.

03:05:14.000 The fact that...

03:05:17.000 We were able to give it back to the people.

03:05:19.000 I mean, if you look at, like, Socrates, people quote Socrates for everything, right? 0.97

03:05:22.000 They're like, oh, this guy's brilliant, he understands humanity, all this shit. 0.93

03:05:24.000 He was like, democracy? 1.00

03:05:25.000 You gonna let these fucking idiots vote? 1.00

03:05:28.000 Right, exactly. 1.00

03:05:29.000 They did let the idiots vote! 1.00

03:05:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:05:31.000 And it fucking... 0.99

03:05:33.000 Listen, we've had trials and tribulations 100%, but I'll say this about America. 0.99

03:05:37.000 You can be the best version of you here.

03:05:40.000 Yes.

03:05:40.000 My mother is the best version of herself here.

03:05:43.000 She's not from here.

03:05:44.000 The best version of you in terms of the way you could do it under any other form of government.

03:05:50.000 This is the most freedom that you can get.

03:05:53.000 You reach the highest you here.

03:05:55.000 And the most success you can achieve.

03:05:57.000 Yes.

03:05:57.000 That's what I'm proud of.

03:05:58.000 Like fucking July 4th, I was wearing a fucking American flag shirt and there was a protest going on and these ladies are screaming at me, abortion rights. 1.00

03:06:07.000 And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, lady. 1.00

03:06:09.000 We're in New York. 0.99

03:06:09.000 Who are you fighting against? 0.99

03:06:10.000 There's abortions every fucking day here. 1.00

03:06:12.000 But for me, that's what I wear it for. 1.00

03:06:14.000 I'm going...

03:06:16.000 I can be me here.

03:06:17.000 What do you think that is about?

03:06:20.000 It's not just abortion rights, but now they're going after gay marriage too, which is so strange to me.

03:06:27.000 Marco Rubio was saying that it was a silly thing to argue about, to be concerned about, and then some other senator who is a gay woman confronted him and she was furious at it. 0.96

03:06:40.000 Because gay marriage is not silly. 0.98

03:06:42.000 It's marriage. 1.00

03:06:43.000 It's marriage from people that are homosexual. 0.97

03:06:45.000 And for them, it's important.

03:06:47.000 They want to affirm their love and their relationship.

03:06:51.000 And the fact that they're going after that now almost makes me feel like they want us to fight.

03:06:59.000 They want to divide us in the best way they can. 0.97

03:07:02.000 This is the best way for them to keep pulling off all the bullshit they're doing behind the scenes is to get us to fight over things like gay marriage or get us to fight over things like abortion. 0.98

03:07:13.000 It's just like, why are you removing freedoms? 0.99

03:07:17.000 Yes.

03:07:17.000 And, you know, and then this new thing where they're, you know, gun rights, like trying to go after the Second Amendment.

03:07:23.000 You know, you see that story that recently happened where there's a shooter in a mall?

03:07:28.000 Can we say something about the gay marriage real quick?

03:07:30.000 Yeah, please.

03:07:30.000 Like, if you're going to say that marriage is an important cultural institution to the fabric of America, you can't remove it from Americans.

03:07:40.000 Right.

03:07:40.000 You can't go and say, this is important.

03:07:42.000 This is what we do. 1.00

03:07:43.000 We create a family and we love one another and this is how we express our love and then say, ah, these Americans can't do that shit. 1.00

03:07:48.000 It's so homophobic because you're saying there's something wrong with being homosexual. 1.00

03:07:52.000 By saying that you are opposed to gay marriage, you're saying you're opposed to gay people.

03:07:57.000 Because if gay people are in love with each other, and they want to have a celebration, and they want to be legally bonded and connected, and there's all sorts of benefits to that in terms of- Financial benefits.

03:08:07.000 Financial benefits, taxes.

03:08:08.000 You're building into the system, yeah.

03:08:09.000 But not only that, if your loved one is in jail, or not in jail- On trial, you can't- Or, I was going to say, in a hospital.

03:08:18.000 Oh, that's right.

03:08:18.000 You have access to them, yeah.

03:08:19.000 You have access to them, and you're the only one that has access to them because you're their spouse.

03:08:24.000 You're the one who has power of attorney if they're incapacitated.

03:08:28.000 There's a lot to affirming that relationship. 0.99

03:08:33.000 And the fact that they're going after that now, that's the kind of shit that keeps me from being a Republican. 1.00

03:08:39.000 There's a bunch of shit that keeps me from being a Republican. 0.99

03:08:43.000 But that's one of the, like, people will say, like, oh, you know, you're a secret conservative. 1.00

03:08:46.000 Like, you could suck my dick. 1.00

03:08:48.000 You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 1.00

03:08:49.000 I'm so far away from being a Republican. 1.00

03:08:52.000 Just because I believe in the Second Amendment and just because I support the military and just because I support police.

03:08:58.000 Like, I was on welfare as a kid.

03:09:00.000 I think it's important.

03:09:01.000 I think having a social safety net is crucial.

03:09:04.000 It's crucial.

03:09:05.000 We should help each other.

03:09:06.000 We're supposed to be one big community. 1.00

03:09:08.000 I'm a bleeding heart liberal when it comes to a lot of shit. 0.99

03:09:12.000 I just also believe in discipline and hard work. 0.99

03:09:15.000 That's where I fall into the more conservative side.

03:09:19.000 And that's okay.

03:09:20.000 Yeah, but I'm not a person who wants to keep all my money and not pay taxes.

03:09:24.000 People have accused me of moving to Texas because I didn't want to pay taxes. 0.99

03:09:27.000 No, I moved to Texas because I want fucking freedom. 0.98

03:09:29.000 I didn't like the way California was telling people they can and can't work. 0.99

03:09:33.000 Telling people what is essential.

03:09:35.000 This is an essential business. 1.00

03:09:37.000 Who the fuck are you? 1.00

03:09:38.000 A liquor store is essential. 1.00

03:09:39.000 And I'm looking at insanely unhealthy people that are dictating the health regulations of what you can and can't do.

03:09:45.000 You can't dine outside. 0.99

03:09:47.000 And I'm looking at fucking Skeletor telling me this. 1.00

03:09:49.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

03:09:51.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

03:09:52.000 But that's the problem, is that the second that you agree with one thing... 1.00

03:09:55.000 Right.

03:09:56.000 They want to label you.

03:09:57.000 They label you, and it's... 1.00

03:09:58.000 Everybody, I don't care who the fuck you are. 0.99

03:10:00.000 You agree with something conservative, and you agree with something liberal. 1.00

03:10:04.000 I don't give a fuck who you are. 0.99

03:10:05.000 Just within this, like, tribal mindset where everything is black and white, what they do is they get votes by making everybody the absolute villain. 0.99

03:10:12.000 And they're abusing it for votes. 0.85

03:10:14.000 But if you're actually going to be, like, a real person...

03:10:16.000 You're gonna be both.

03:10:18.000 I mean, Chris Rock had that great joke, there's something I'm concerned about, there's something I'm liable about.

03:10:22.000 And it's like, yeah, that's every human being.

03:10:24.000 Every human being. 0.69

03:10:25.000 Except really crazy people that are just ideologically captured. 0.92

03:10:29.000 Grifting.

03:10:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:10:30.000 Well, there's grifters, but there's also people that are just in a fucking cult. 1.00

03:10:33.000 You know, and those are the people that wanted to burn Christians. 1.00

03:10:36.000 Those are the people that, you know, this is...

03:10:38.000 How far does that cult go?

03:10:41.000 That's the thing.

03:10:41.000 It's like you let that start right now.

03:10:43.000 Where does it end? 0.97

03:10:44.000 Like if they're the bad guy and they're awful and they're Nazis. 1.00

03:10:47.000 You gotta kill them. 1.00

03:10:48.000 Yeah, I mean that's what people have done throughout time. 1.00

03:10:50.000 They've othered.

03:10:51.000 They dehumanize.

03:10:52.000 Yeah, they dehumanize.

03:10:53.000 And once you're not a human, you could do anything to that person.

03:10:55.000 Right, right. 1.00

03:10:56.000 You could burn witches. 1.00

03:10:57.000 It's a witch. 1.00

03:10:57.000 You could harass them. 1.00

03:10:58.000 You could harass their families.

03:10:59.000 Oh yeah.

03:10:59.000 And it's okay because they disagree with you and they agree with something quote unquote evil.

03:11:02.000 Exactly.

03:11:03.000 When you might agree with something that your side also thinks is evil.

03:11:07.000 Right.

03:11:07.000 But you're not willing to admit it because you're scared.

03:11:09.000 Right.

03:11:09.000 They'll whisper it to you.

03:11:10.000 Exactly.

03:11:11.000 I am with you on this one.

03:11:12.000 And we meet all these people. 0.99

03:11:15.000 Sometimes these motherfuckers from super liberal organizations will DM me. 1.00

03:11:19.000 And I'll ask them about it. 0.99

03:11:21.000 And they're honest in the DMs. 1.00

03:11:22.000 And I'm like, you fucking phony? 1.00

03:11:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:11:25.000 You fucking phony, dude. 1.00

03:11:27.000 It's a grift. 1.00

03:11:28.000 That's why I think it's a grift.

03:11:29.000 It's more of a cowardice than a grift with a lot of folks.

03:11:33.000 They're just scared of encountering the wrath of the cult.

03:11:38.000 You just got to be careful that when you have the wrath of the cult, that you don't ease into the comfort of the side that supports you.

03:11:46.000 Right.

03:11:46.000 Because you'll feel their wrath the second you move away from them.

03:11:49.000 Right.

03:11:49.000 You're a man on an island, and it's hard to be on an island.

03:11:52.000 Because now both sides can be upset at you.

03:11:54.000 Right.

03:11:55.000 It's like...

03:11:57.000 Yeah, that's the trickiest thing.

03:11:58.000 When you feel like the total wrath of the opposition, it's hard to be like, but they do have a point about these certain things.

03:12:05.000 You gotta do that, though.

03:12:05.000 You have to, or else you just become the same fraud that you have.

03:12:08.000 Yeah, you become them.

03:12:09.000 And I don't subscribe to that.

03:12:11.000 I think you have to always say what you actually think about things and look at them objectively if you can.

03:12:17.000 And sometimes we're going to fail at that because in the moment you're going to be overwhelmed or captured or trapped in your thoughts.

03:12:25.000 But at the end of the day, we all want similar things.

03:12:31.000 We all want a peaceful society where your children and your family and your friends can prosper.

03:12:37.000 And you want people to have the freedom to live the way they choose.

03:12:41.000 The problem is when people start infringing on other people's freedoms.

03:12:45.000 That's what drives me crazy. 0.90

03:12:46.000 That's what's driving me crazy about this gay marriage thing. 1.00

03:12:49.000 And that's what's driving me crazy about this abortion thing. 0.99

03:12:52.000 It's like, who are you to fucking tell people what they can and can't do? 0.98

03:12:57.000 It's just... 0.98

03:12:58.000 It's not what...

03:13:00.000 It's not what benefits us as a culture.

03:13:03.000 What benefits as a culture is trying to see how the other people see and feel and find common ground.

03:13:09.000 You don't even have to agree, but a lack of rigidity.

03:13:12.000 I think most human beings, right?

03:13:14.000 I don't care how liberal you are.

03:13:16.000 Most human beings who have had a kid will say, at a certain point in time, in the belly, it's a human. 1.00

03:13:23.000 Nine months, it's a fucking human. 0.99

03:13:26.000 Okay, so we agree, at a certain point, it's a human. 1.00

03:13:29.000 Then we can back up from then, when the right or wrong, or when somebody's right it is to terminate that thing.

03:13:37.000 One week?

03:13:38.000 Okay, who knows.

03:13:40.000 To look at something and go, nine months, you should be able to do it.

03:13:43.000 That's a little much, I think, for most people, if you're being honest.

03:13:45.000 One week, We don't even know if it's gonna come to term.

03:13:49.000 I think 25% of, I think, women that are pregnant end up having miscarriages.

03:13:54.000 Some of them don't even know it because they think it might be their period.

03:13:57.000 Like, it's a very common thing that happens.

03:13:59.000 So, if we just had a little bit more, like, elasticity, and we could just be like, hey, I agree there's a point in time where, yeah, it definitely is a life and that'd be a little bit too much.

03:14:10.000 Right.

03:14:11.000 Eight months is, that's a lot.

03:14:13.000 A week?

03:14:14.000 Two weeks!

03:14:17.000 Yeah.

03:14:18.000 Two weeks is like, we got like 30 cells?

03:14:20.000 What is it?

03:14:21.000 It's like one of those really complicated and messy human dilemmas.

03:14:27.000 And that's what abortion is. 1.00

03:14:29.000 Some people are like, at the moment of conception, and I think most of those people, that's a religious notion.

03:14:37.000 And that's okay, too.

03:14:38.000 I'll go, okay, I understand where you're coming from for that perspective because you believe in that.

03:14:43.000 And that's okay.

03:14:44.000 And I understand why you feel that way.

03:14:46.000 I'll just say that.

03:14:47.000 And then I'll go, but what about these horrible circumstances?

03:14:51.000 Wouldn't you feel like it might be okay in these horrible circumstances?

03:14:53.000 And then if they could just remove themselves from the group for a second and be like, okay, maybe in those...

03:14:59.000 I'm not saying I'm giving you permission.

03:15:00.000 Ultimately, it's like God who gives them permission, but I see why someone would want to.

03:15:04.000 That's all you have to say. 1.00

03:15:05.000 And then you don't feel like you're calling someone an asshole and a murderer every fucking two seconds. 1.00

03:15:09.000 You can't have a conversation with someone who goes, you're a murderer. 1.00

03:15:12.000 But then you have people that show up at these rallies and brag about how many abortions they've had.

03:15:17.000 That's the extreme that we're talking about.

03:15:19.000 It's just like, you're proud of that?

03:15:21.000 It polarizes people in the opposite way.

03:15:23.000 You know, there's a funny clip, not funny, but it's very telling, from Joe Biden, and it's from like the 1980s, where he said, abortion should be legal and it should be rare.

03:15:37.000 And, you know, and that it's always tragic, but it should be rare.

03:15:43.000 And it's, you know, it's very interesting because it's such a nuanced perspective in comparison to the way he talks about it now.

03:15:50.000 And just the party, like the party has a line.

03:15:53.000 Someone told me this of Elizabeth Warren, that what she does is she has interns that search on Twitter for how people think about things, and then that's what she runs with.

03:16:03.000 That's what she talks about.

03:16:04.000 I don't know if that's true, but I know if you want to say cynically about certain politicians, for sure they do that.

03:16:11.000 There's certain politicians that don't give you any feeling whatsoever of sincerity and of being a real human being.

03:16:19.000 They seem like they're just poll machines.

03:16:24.000 It's a job.

03:16:25.000 And that's what scares people if you're talking about people's rights.

03:16:28.000 If you're talking about a woman's right to choose, if you're talking about a gay person's right to be married.

03:16:33.000 It's like, to have people, they have these rigid, poll-oriented perspectives on this, where I'm on the right-wing party, so I am going to say this because this is what my side believes and this is what my side wants.

03:16:50.000 What if what if politics was like jury duty in that, like, we all acknowledge we don't want to do it, but it was our civic duty to society.

03:17:00.000 So the first thing that qualifies you to be president is you not wanting to be president.

03:17:08.000 And us literally having to force you as a society. 0.99

03:17:12.000 And then you go, fucking A. I'll give it four fucking years. 1.00

03:17:15.000 Fine. 1.00

03:17:16.000 I'll do my best because I love this country. 0.99

03:17:18.000 But I don't want to tell you what the fuck to do. 1.00

03:17:21.000 I don't want to interfere with your goddamn lives. 1.00

03:17:23.000 I'm going to do the best because I love this fucking thing. 1.00

03:17:25.000 But I'd rather spend time with my fucking family and enjoy my goddamn life. 1.00

03:17:28.000 Wouldn't you trust that human being? 1.00

03:17:30.000 Well, that's what we hope for. 0.61

03:17:31.000 That's why we hate someone like Trump.

03:17:33.000 Because Trump believes he should be president and he wants to be president.

03:17:36.000 Yes.

03:17:37.000 And there's something a little icky about it.

03:17:38.000 They were like, get him out of here.

03:17:39.000 Dude, and I think that was so endearing about Bernie. 1.00

03:17:41.000 It was like, this motherfucker don't want to win. 0.99

03:17:43.000 He wants to help. 0.99

03:17:44.000 Now, is his idea of help, do you agree with it?

03:17:48.000 That's to be said by the average person.

03:17:50.000 But did you feel like he cared about winning and controlling?

03:17:54.000 No.

03:17:54.000 I never got that sense from him.

03:17:56.000 No.

03:17:56.000 I got a sense that he genuinely looks out for the working class.

03:17:59.000 Yes.

03:17:59.000 And he genuinely wants to help people.

03:18:01.000 That's why I said that I supported him.

03:18:02.000 100%.

03:18:03.000 And when he was explaining how his situation works with taxes, that they would just tax a small percentage of speculation, of stock trading, just a tiny percentage of all these trades that are happening constantly, and that that money could go to education,

03:18:18.000 that money could go to welfare, that money could go to all these different things that we'd use to benefit society.

03:18:23.000 I was like, I'm in.

03:18:24.000 That sounds good.

03:18:25.000 Is that real?

03:18:26.000 What else are you trying to do?

03:18:27.000 You trying to avoid war?

03:18:28.000 I'm in.

03:18:28.000 That sounds cool.

03:18:29.000 What else are you trying to do?

03:18:30.000 Trying to eliminate student debt?

03:18:32.000 Hey! 0.99

03:18:33.000 What else?

03:18:33.000 What about healthcare?

03:18:34.000 Free healthcare?

03:18:35.000 I'm in!

03:18:36.000 And he's a radical.

03:18:37.000 Like, what's wrong with the system?

03:18:39.000 Yeah, I mean, as long as you're not discouraging capitalism and progress and people's ability to excel.

03:18:47.000 That's it.

03:18:48.000 That's what people worry about with communism, right, and socialism.

03:18:51.000 Which they should.

03:18:52.000 Yeah, they should.

03:18:53.000 They should worry about someone impeding your ability to excel and succeed.

03:18:58.000 But if we're not impeding that ability and we're taking like a percentage of speculation We're not even talking about hard work.

03:19:03.000 We're saying you dumped a bunch of money into something.

03:19:05.000 Right. 1.00

03:19:06.000 You didn't grind for fucking hours and pull fucking turnips out of the ground. 1.00

03:19:10.000 And we're talking about a fraction of a penny per trade. 1.00

03:19:13.000 Yeah.

03:19:14.000 There's so many trades.

03:19:15.000 He was talking about this could benefit people in the tune of trillions of dollars a year.

03:19:19.000 Yeah.

03:19:20.000 That's reasonable. 1.00

03:19:21.000 And then the average person, I think, that isn't tribal with their politics goes, all right, this motherfucker... 1.00

03:19:27.000 He's a curmudgeon. 1.00

03:19:28.000 He don't want to be doing this.

03:19:29.000 Every time he goes in front of the podium, he's like, why do I have to convince you guys to take care of people?

03:19:33.000 It was really endearing.

03:19:35.000 People were trying to play games with him and have fun.

03:19:37.000 He's like, I don't want to shoot free throws, guys. 0.98

03:19:39.000 Let me just fucking help people. 0.97

03:19:41.000 It felt like that. 0.98

03:19:43.000 It genuinely felt like that.

03:19:44.000 Well, that's why it was wild that he was willing to do my podcast. 1.00

03:19:47.000 I was like, look at this motherfucker. 0.99

03:19:48.000 Coming in and sit down with me for three hours while he's running for president. 1.00

03:19:51.000 He knows!

03:19:51.000 Just hang out.

03:19:52.000 Talk shit. 1.00

03:19:53.000 And did it work? 1.00

03:19:55.000 Not really.

03:19:56.000 No!

03:19:57.000 Joe, it worked.

03:19:58.000 They went for him.

03:19:59.000 But the system...

03:19:59.000 They came for him.

03:20:01.000 He won, but the system in place with the caucuses did not allow him to win.

03:20:08.000 He was robbed.

03:20:09.000 Well, they definitely conspired to remove him.

03:20:13.000 The superdelegate thing doesn't exist with the Republicans.

03:20:15.000 That's why Trump won.

03:20:16.000 If the Republicans had superdelegates where you could have the system have one vote be worth $10,000.

03:20:22.000 What's that noise?

03:20:23.000 I don't know.

03:20:23.000 Maybe they're building something out there?

03:20:26.000 UFOs? 1.00

03:20:26.000 The fuck is that? 1.00

03:20:27.000 Is that Jeff? 1.00

03:20:28.000 Jeff's probably drilling something in the wall.

03:20:30.000 Anyway, I don't know.

03:20:32.000 And you could argue, okay, maybe he wasn't good enough.

03:20:35.000 Maybe he wasn't good enough at convincing people in any of these things.

03:20:37.000 But the idea is interesting.

03:20:38.000 And if someone else came along that was like him, that was a genuine human being, that, you know, has always been that guy.

03:20:45.000 You know, it's like, what we're scared of is someone like Nancy Pelosi.

03:20:48.000 Like, have you ever given your husband a tip?

03:20:50.000 No, never.

03:20:51.000 Oh, that's enough of that.

03:20:52.000 Get out of here.

03:20:54.000 That's what we're scared of, right? 1.00

03:20:55.000 We're scared of someone who's obviously full of shit, being in a position of power, like a Nancy Pelosi. 1.00

03:21:00.000 And he's just not that, right? 1.00

03:21:02.000 And what we need is someone...

03:21:03.000 Like, that's why everybody goes back to JFK. They go, that was the guy!

03:21:08.000 That was our guy!

03:21:08.000 They shot him!

03:21:09.000 I don't know the love of...

03:21:10.000 I don't understand what happened with JFK. I know he got shot, but I don't understand what he did.

03:21:15.000 JFK wanted to disband the CIA. He wanted to get rid of the Federal Reserve.

03:21:19.000 He thought that secret societies were repugnant.

03:21:24.000 Have you ever heard his speech about secret societies?

03:21:28.000 You never heard that?

03:21:28.000 You want to know why JFK got shot?

03:21:30.000 Talk to me.

03:21:30.000 There's a lot.

03:21:31.000 Well, first of all, there's the Bay of Pigs.

03:21:34.000 There's a lot of people that were angry at him in the military.

03:21:40.000 JFK was not a perfect person, but he was a fascinating public speaker.

03:21:45.000 And the things that he talked about, the way he described America and our hopes and dreams, resonated with people that had a hope for the future.

03:21:54.000 They had a vision in this guy, this young, vibrant guy who was the president.

03:21:59.000 Maybe he could take us there.

03:22:00.000 And when they shot and killed him, a lot of people were like, oh!

03:22:04.000 And then when you realize it's most likely a grand conspiracy, Most likely.

03:22:11.000 And you just wonder, like, what nefarious forces are trying to keep us from this thing that we all want, which is like an America that we could be proud of, a place where we see, like, intelligent, hardworking, like,

03:22:28.000 kind, compassionate people that can run the world in a better place, in a better way than it's being run now.

03:22:35.000 I think that's what we want, dude.

03:22:36.000 We want a shot at greatness.

03:22:38.000 At least give me a shot.

03:22:39.000 If I fail on my own, that's on me.

03:22:41.000 Pull up the video.

03:22:42.000 Let's end this podcast.

03:22:43.000 Pull up the video of JFK giving his speech on secret societies.

03:22:50.000 Okay.

03:22:50.000 Just give us a little piece of it.

03:22:53.000 Give us a little piece of it.

03:22:54.000 Yeah, give me a five-minute version.

03:22:56.000 Put the headphones on, son.

03:22:57.000 Let's do this. 1.00

03:22:57.000 And this is why they shot this motherfucker. 1.00

03:22:59.000 This is one of the reasons why they shot him. 1.00

03:23:01.000 It's also like...

03:23:04.000 There's a lot.

03:23:04.000 I mean, his dad was in with the mob.

03:23:06.000 There's a whole situation.

03:23:08.000 There's a lot.

03:23:10.000 Ladies and gentlemen, the very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society.

03:23:18.000 And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings.

03:23:28.000 We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweigh the dangers which are cited to justify it.

03:23:41.000 Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions.

03:23:50.000 Even today, there is little value in ensuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it.

03:23:59.000 And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment.

03:24:14.000 That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it's in my control.

03:24:19.000 And no official of my administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, Should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes,

03:24:34.000 or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.

03:24:40.000 For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means.

03:24:50.000 For expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day.

03:25:07.000 It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine, That combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic,

03:25:23.000 scientific, and political operations.

03:25:26.000 Its preparations are concealed, not published.

03:25:29.000 Its mistakes are buried, not headlined.

03:25:33.000 Its dissenters are silenced, not praised.

03:25:36.000 No expenditure is questioned.

03:25:38.000 No rumor is printed.

03:25:40.000 No secret is revealed.

03:25:43.000 No president should fear public scrutiny of his program, for from that scrutiny comes understanding, and from that understanding comes support or opposition, and both are necessary.

03:25:55.000 I am not asking your newspapers to support an administration, but I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people, for I have complete confidence And the response and dedication of our citizens,

03:26:16.000 whenever they are fully informed.

03:26:19.000 I not only could not stifle controversy among your readers, I welcome it.

03:26:24.000 This administration intends to be candid about its errors, for as a wise man once said, an error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.

03:26:35.000 We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors, and we expect you to point them out when we miss them.

03:26:43.000 Without debate, without criticism, no administration and no country can succeed, and no republic can survive.

03:26:51.000 That is why the Athenian lawmaker Sola decreed a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy.

03:26:59.000 And that is why our press was protected by the First Amendment, the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution, not primarily to amuse and entertain, Not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental,

03:27:16.000 not to simply give the public what it wants, but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to state our dangers and our opportunities, to indicate our crises and our choices, to lead, mold,

03:27:31.000 educate, and sometimes even anger public opinion.

03:27:36.000 This means greater coverage and analysis of international news, For it is no longer far away and foreign, but close at hand and local.

03:27:47.000 It means greater attention to improved understanding of the news, as well as improved transmission.

03:27:53.000 That's good.

03:27:53.000 You get it?

03:27:54.000 That's why they killed that motherfucker. 1.00

03:27:56.000 It's not far away. 1.00

03:27:57.000 It's local.

03:27:58.000 Yeah.

03:27:59.000 He's calling them out.

03:28:00.000 Yeah.

03:28:01.000 Well, he was in direct conflict with all the forces that be.

03:28:10.000 Yeah.

03:28:11.000 That's why they killed him. 1.00

03:28:12.000 That kind of shit. 1.00

03:28:12.000 You can't have that. 1.00

03:28:13.000 Wild boy.

03:28:14.000 That's a wild boy.

03:28:15.000 He was a wild boy.

03:28:17.000 Yeah.

03:28:17.000 All right.

03:28:18.000 Andrew Schultz, I love you.

03:28:19.000 I appreciate you very much.

03:28:20.000 Love you, dawg.

03:28:21.000 Congratulations on the success of your special and your podcast and everything.

03:28:25.000 I'm in your corner, brother.

03:28:26.000 I know that.

03:28:27.000 Thank you so much, bro.

03:28:28.000 Bye, everybody.

03:28:29.000 Peace.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 23, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1846 - Andrew Schulz

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