The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1874 - Dave Attell

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 Ladies and gentlemen, David Attal.

00:00:17.000 Hey, Joe.

00:00:18.000 Thanks for having me on the show.

00:00:19.000 Good to see you, my brother.

00:00:20.000 I was telling your guys before you showed up, I was like, I'm hoping there's other guests besides me because I don't really think I'm interesting enough to hold the whole show.

00:00:28.000 We can do it.

00:00:29.000 You think so?

00:00:29.000 Yes.

00:00:30.000 All right, I believe in you.

00:00:31.000 I have zero worries.

00:00:32.000 I'm glad you brought your straw.

00:00:34.000 Thank you.

00:00:35.000 And I'm also glad you brought your hobo sack. 0.98

00:00:38.000 I'll show everybody.

00:00:40.000 He's a comedy nomad.

00:00:41.000 That's how you travel, people.

00:00:42.000 That's all he brings.

00:00:43.000 Fresh underwear and socks.

00:00:44.000 That's it.

00:00:45.000 Let's go.

00:00:46.000 Good to be back in Texas.

00:00:47.000 Good to see you.

00:00:48.000 How was the Cap City?

00:00:49.000 Did you enjoy it?

00:00:49.000 It was awesome.

00:00:50.000 I mean, you and I back in the day played the old Cap City.

00:00:53.000 Yeah.

00:00:53.000 And that was definitely an iconic club.

00:00:55.000 And this is the, I guess you can say the...

00:00:58.000 The reimagining of it.

00:01:00.000 This is the helium folks who do an amazing job.

00:01:03.000 Exactly.

00:01:03.000 The helium folks are great.

00:01:04.000 They really are. 1.00

00:01:05.000 That fucking place in Philly is the shit. 1.00

00:01:07.000 The one in Portland is the shit. 1.00

00:01:08.000 All their clubs are fucking locked down. 1.00

00:01:10.000 They're all solid as a rock. 0.99

00:01:12.000 I totally agree with you.

00:01:13.000 And they put a lot of work into it.

00:01:15.000 And let's face it, this town, you know, people will come to a show.

00:01:19.000 They really are great comedy fans.

00:01:22.000 And I'm, like, so happy that Cap City's open, too.

00:01:26.000 I want as many clubs open as possible.

00:01:29.000 I think it's sustainable.

00:01:30.000 I think there's a giant comedy audience here.

00:01:32.000 People really love it.

00:01:33.000 They love live performance overall.

00:01:35.000 Like, there's a lot of live music that goes on here.

00:01:37.000 A lot of live comedy.

00:01:38.000 So we're happy.

00:01:40.000 Texas, I was going to say, like, Texas has always been, like, you know, on the road, like, Houston, Dallas.

00:01:46.000 Yeah, fun!

00:01:46.000 You know, San Antonio.

00:01:48.000 These were always, like, the hardcore, you know...

00:01:51.000 Comedy clubs, the definitely where you couldn't wait to get there kind of shows.

00:01:55.000 Yeah, the fun spots.

00:01:56.000 I used to love Addison. 1.00

00:01:57.000 That fucking improv was the shit. 1.00

00:01:59.000 Awesome. 1.00

00:01:59.000 It still is. 1.00

00:02:00.000 Still is the shit. 1.00

00:02:01.000 It's such a great club. 1.00

00:02:02.000 Do you remember the, what was it called, in Houston?

00:02:06.000 Laugh Stop.

00:02:07.000 The Laugh Stop.

00:02:07.000 That was the best.

00:02:08.000 That's where I learned to be a headliner.

00:02:10.000 That's what I always think.

00:02:10.000 That was the club where I really got it together and I was like, I can hold an hour, you know, right here, you know?

00:02:16.000 I did my first CD there.

00:02:17.000 Oh, you did?

00:02:18.000 Yes.

00:02:19.000 Well, there you go, man.

00:02:20.000 Yeah, that place is magic.

00:02:21.000 That place was magic.

00:02:22.000 I heard that that spot is still there, which I was like, Jesus Christ, if that's the case, once we open up in Austin, I would love to open up a mothership in Houston.

00:02:32.000 Oh, absolutely, man. 0.97

00:02:33.000 If that place is still there, holy shit, that place is amazing. 0.72

00:02:36.000 Yeah, it's always been like, you know, I remember it was like me, Hedberg, and Patrice, like, we would all like rotate through there, and I was always like, if you ran into them like, oh man, I was just at the stop, I was like, oh, it must have been awesome, and you know, you'd be jealous, you know? 0.98

00:02:52.000 Crazy ass Mark Babbitt ran a hell of a club.

00:02:54.000 He really did. 1.00

00:02:55.000 A visionary.

00:02:56.000 Oh my god, he loved comedy.

00:02:57.000 That's all it takes.

00:02:58.000 It takes a crazy person that loves comedy, who's willing to like, go all out.

00:03:02.000 When the owner of the club, you know, or the manager gets it, you know?

00:03:06.000 Yes.

00:03:06.000 And then it's not just like a beer and beverage, you know?

00:03:08.000 Right.

00:03:08.000 This isn't a Dave& Buster's, this is like a real place, like where people do something special.

00:03:12.000 Yeah.

00:03:12.000 Then you can always tell.

00:03:14.000 It feels different, you know?

00:03:15.000 And he also had that long-running open mic they'd do in the front.

00:03:19.000 Mm-hmm.

00:03:19.000 You know, that front open mic was amazing.

00:03:21.000 You would get there at 8 o'clock, and the show would start, and then they'd start an open mic around the same time, and the open mic would go to fucking 2 o'clock in the morning. 0.84

00:03:29.000 Yeah. 0.91

00:03:30.000 Constantly rotating comics in there.

00:03:31.000 It was an exciting thing.

00:03:33.000 And when that place went under, it took a lot of the steam out of the scene.

00:03:38.000 For sure.

00:03:39.000 That's why your club, and you're real close now.

00:03:42.000 Real close, yeah.

00:03:44.000 Honestly, that's a game changer, especially for this town and for all of us road people.

00:03:49.000 I'm a club guy.

00:03:50.000 That's what I do.

00:03:51.000 I do clubs, so I can't wait to see it.

00:03:53.000 I can't wait to get on that stage, if I may.

00:03:55.000 You 100% would be one of the first people on that stage.

00:03:58.000 I'm going to put up the bat signal. 0.99

00:04:00.000 That would be awesome.

00:04:01.000 I'll send you in.

00:04:02.000 It's exciting to be able to do.

00:04:04.000 It's exciting to be able to do it with no stress, too.

00:04:07.000 To be able to do it the right way.

00:04:08.000 Right.

00:04:08.000 And just have an amazing club set up for comics and the audience.

00:04:12.000 And just make it so that we do our best in every corner. 0.74

00:04:17.000 Not fuck with people, appreciate them, treat them with respect. 0.96

00:04:20.000 Uh-oh, Mike's falling apart. 0.99

00:04:21.000 I'm good.

00:04:22.000 Appreciate them.

00:04:23.000 Treat them with respect.

00:04:24.000 Encourage people to work and give open mic nights.

00:04:29.000 Have things like that where you have plenty of time. 1.00

00:04:33.000 And kill Tony and that kind of shit. 1.00

00:04:35.000 Really encourage the community. 1.00

00:04:37.000 Definitely.

00:04:39.000 You know, when the club also supports the locals, it's not just like for the headliners.

00:04:43.000 That's when you know it's like a real deal situation because, you know, these local scenes, like I was just in Nashville, that scene is popping.

00:04:50.000 Here, of course, it's out of control.

00:04:53.000 And, you know, it's getting the locals, you know, on stage in front of a big crowd, you know, that's important.

00:04:58.000 Getting them on stage in front of me, giving them those spots, like the Kill Tony spots, and I've had a few of those guys like Hans Kim and William Montgomery and David Lucas, who started in LA, but he's out here now too, doing those shows with us there too, and they're exploding.

00:05:12.000 And there's also a lot of room for other clubs too.

00:05:15.000 There's a lot of room.

00:05:15.000 There's so many comics here, man.

00:05:17.000 Everybody who goes to these open mics out here, these guys who come, they go, dude, these kids are good.

00:05:21.000 They're good, and they're writing, and they're energized.

00:05:23.000 It's an exciting time.

00:05:25.000 And people are, like, really fired up about it.

00:05:27.000 And you see, like, a real clear path to being a professional, which was always weird for us.

00:05:32.000 Right.

00:05:32.000 Like, you remember the early days of Open Mic?

00:05:34.000 There was no help.

00:05:35.000 None.

00:05:35.000 It was strange.

00:05:36.000 I don't know about you, like, your, I guess, origin story, but, like, I had a job...

00:05:42.000 For, like, the first five or six years of comedy, and, like, I was such a bad comic that, like, I would sometimes go, like, oh, God, I can't wait to get back to my day job.

00:05:53.000 Oh, man, I can't wait to eat a muffin at my desk.

00:05:56.000 You know, it was like that kind of a thing.

00:05:57.000 So, yeah, I know what these people go through, and even though there's, like, all these platforming and all that stuff, it'll always be the same, like, you know, basically, you know, Whatever, I guess you could say the journey has many roads, many twists and turns.

00:06:12.000 The journey does, but at least this way, I think there's a map of the landscape now.

00:06:17.000 For sure.

00:06:18.000 Whereas when we started, you were hoping that someone would take you on the road, or you were hoping that you'd get a road gig.

00:06:25.000 You didn't know how to...

00:06:26.000 And you're doing five, ten minute spots in the beginning.

00:06:29.000 If you're lucky, you get ten minutes, right?

00:06:30.000 So then someone says, can you do 20?

00:06:32.000 And you're like, yes, but you really can't.

00:06:34.000 Right, of course, yeah. 0.99

00:06:35.000 So it's like you're opening in a bar with at least 10 bullshit minutes. 0.81

00:06:40.000 And when you're in a town like I started in New York, Long Island, all that stuff, there was a lot of open mics. 0.98

00:06:45.000 Yeah!

00:06:46.000 I was lucky where you can go to one place, bomb, and then skid mark your way over to the next one and suffer there and then the next one.

00:06:54.000 So you got a whole night of sadness, whereas some kids, especially West Coast, it's like, oh, I got a spot, one a week, and then they got to live with that kind of trauma for a whole week.

00:07:05.000 It's better there now.

00:07:05.000 It's better there now for the LA guys.

00:07:07.000 You can actually develop in LA now.

00:07:10.000 But in the early 2000s and the 90s, it was real hard.

00:07:13.000 You couldn't get spots.

00:07:15.000 Everybody was getting spots, like TV stars and actors and stuff were getting spots.

00:07:18.000 Yeah.

00:07:20.000 What year did you start?

00:07:21.000 In the late 80s, at the end of the comedy boom.

00:07:24.000 Me too.

00:07:25.000 I started in 88. Yeah.

00:07:26.000 I was like 87, and I remember comedy had just died, because I worked the door at the Old Improv in New York.

00:07:33.000 That was one of the original comedy clubs.

00:07:35.000 And honestly, it was weird to be a doorman to no audience.

00:07:39.000 You know, you basically hold the door open, there's a guy out there, oh no, he's just...

00:07:43.000 Was it a difference?

00:07:44.000 Was there a big drop-off in New York?

00:07:46.000 I think that the comedy boom, like what you saw in Boston...

00:07:50.000 Where every place was doing comedy shows, and there were so many great locals, just like hardcore killer acts.

00:07:56.000 New York, that kind of didn't really...

00:08:00.000 It dissipated, and then it kind of faded out, and a lot of these clubs kind of went down, and then we were just basically...

00:08:08.000 Hanging on, just learning to do comedy.

00:08:10.000 So it was like, we didn't care.

00:08:12.000 If it was a big room, we still would have suffered.

00:08:16.000 But still, the fact that there was only 12 people in there, it almost kind of fit where we were in comedy.

00:08:21.000 I remember those days at Dangerfields.

00:08:23.000 Did you do Dangerfields?

00:08:25.000 Yes, I did.

00:08:25.000 Those are the best.

00:08:26.000 Those shows where there was no one in the audience.

00:08:28.000 I used to call that club the humbler.

00:08:32.000 If you ever thought you were doing alright, you go in there and they take you right back to reality.

00:08:36.000 Do you remember Bobby?

00:08:37.000 The big Scottish guy that worked the door?

00:08:39.000 Yes, I do.

00:08:40.000 Yeah, I do.

00:08:40.000 I saw Bobby pick a man up by his neck.

00:08:43.000 Bobby would make his own weights.

00:08:45.000 He would fill up these 10-gallon jugs with cement.

00:08:51.000 He would make his own weights.

00:08:52.000 Oh, cool. 1.00

00:08:53.000 He did a lot of wild shit. 1.00

00:08:55.000 Bobby was this tank of a man. 1.00

00:08:57.000 It was a small club with a lot of big people in it.

00:09:00.000 Oh, my God.

00:09:01.000 It was tiny.

00:09:02.000 It was like an elevator, basically.

00:09:03.000 It was an amazing place.

00:09:04.000 And then they had that big piano in there.

00:09:06.000 I was like, you know, where am I supposed to...

00:09:08.000 I don't play the piano.

00:09:09.000 What am I supposed to do?

00:09:10.000 You had to have a piano if you had class back there.

00:09:13.000 Sure, just in case.

00:09:14.000 Class. 0.99

00:09:15.000 This is a fucking real club. 1.00

00:09:16.000 The improv used to have that problem. 0.99

00:09:17.000 I'm like, why do we have a piano up here?

00:09:19.000 Yeah.

00:09:19.000 I would always say that to Rita.

00:09:20.000 I'm like, Rita, look at me. 0.99

00:09:22.000 No one's playing a fucking piano. 0.99

00:09:24.000 Craig can bring his own piano. 1.00

00:09:25.000 He brings a piano sometimes.

00:09:28.000 Robinson wants to go up.

00:09:29.000 What I always like with the improv piano, it's like, you can tell who was raised right, who puts their drink on the piano.

00:09:36.000 Like, uh-oh!

00:09:37.000 You're gonna leave a ring!

00:09:39.000 It's probably an expensive piano.

00:09:41.000 Yeah, I don't know who uses it, but they got it there.

00:09:44.000 Yeah, I like that club too, the Melrose Improv.

00:09:46.000 I always felt really at home there.

00:09:47.000 It's a great club.

00:09:48.000 That club's great.

00:09:49.000 That was my spot after I left the store in 2007. I was at the Improv all the time.

00:09:53.000 It was great.

00:09:54.000 That and the Ice House.

00:09:55.000 Yeah, the Ice House I only played a couple times.

00:09:57.000 Oh my god, it's magic.

00:09:59.000 That room's magic.

00:10:00.000 The Ice House is one of the most underrated clubs in the country.

00:10:02.000 That's such a good room.

00:10:04.000 The big room, when it's packed, oh my god.

00:10:07.000 That room's amazing.

00:10:09.000 Do you, like, you know, you got a family and everything.

00:10:11.000 Do you still, like, having the time to go out every night and, like, you know, work on an act?

00:10:16.000 Well, my kids are young, so they go to bed right after the time I'm leaving.

00:10:19.000 Yeah.

00:10:20.000 Which is nice.

00:10:21.000 So, like, I'm leaving, like, an hour before they go to bed.

00:10:24.000 Okay.

00:10:25.000 So there's a benefit in that, and the store was even better, because at the store, most of my spots were after 10. So I was leaving, like, they were well asleep.

00:10:34.000 Yeah.

00:10:34.000 But I'm leaving the house.

00:10:35.000 And it's like, I could come home, too, and write when no one's awake.

00:10:39.000 Oh, that's good.

00:10:40.000 Which, for me, is come home, spark up a little, sit in front of the computer, and just sit there and just think.

00:10:47.000 Wow.

00:10:47.000 When everyone's asleep and the world's quiet, like, that's my favorite time to write.

00:10:51.000 You know, during the, you know, when everything was shut down, you know?

00:10:55.000 Yeah.

00:10:55.000 Like, the scariest thing was, like, I miss being on the road, you know?

00:10:59.000 I miss being out there, like, you know, headlining and all that stuff, too.

00:11:02.000 But what I really miss was, like, going to the Comedy Cellar in New York and going on and doing the spot.

00:11:06.000 And whatever version of comedy they had, the outside, the behind the place, of course I did it.

00:11:11.000 But then there were times when everything was shut, and I was like, uh-oh, I'm starting to get used to not going out.

00:11:16.000 And I got really scared.

00:11:18.000 It was like one of those, like, where you're like...

00:11:20.000 Maybe I don't need to go out anymore.

00:11:22.000 I've been doing this a long time.

00:11:23.000 I'm an old guy.

00:11:24.000 Ron White went through that.

00:11:26.000 Did he?

00:11:26.000 Okay.

00:11:27.000 I love Ron.

00:11:28.000 Ron was out here and we hadn't done shows together in...

00:11:32.000 It was like at least a year for me...

00:11:37.000 It was around eight months of no comedy at all in L.A. And we had just started doing these outdoor shows with Chappelle.

00:11:50.000 So I knew I had to freshen up, so I started doing shows at the Vulcan.

00:11:54.000 And Ron was going to do Tony's show at the Vulcan, and he's like, well, I think I'm retired. 0.99

00:12:00.000 I think I'm going to take my boat and I'm going to fucking play golf and fuck it. 0.99

00:12:04.000 I made a lot of money and I'm fine. 1.00

00:12:05.000 I'm fine with retiring.

00:12:07.000 So Tony goes, well, just do like one show.

00:12:10.000 If you want to, you can go do a set.

00:12:12.000 No pressure.

00:12:13.000 He's like, alright, man. 0.99

00:12:14.000 I'll fucking think about it. 0.99

00:12:15.000 I think I'm fucking retired. 0.99

00:12:16.000 The next day, he's like, so did you think about it? 0.99

00:12:19.000 He goes, yeah, I'm prepared.

00:12:20.000 Let's go.

00:12:21.000 I'm going to do a set. 1.00

00:12:22.000 So he goes up and fucking murders. 1.00

00:12:26.000 So Tony talks to his girlfriend and Ron had gone over his iPad. 1.00

00:12:29.000 He was fucking going over notes and listening to old recordings, taking notes. 0.96

00:12:33.000 He went up there, guns blazing. 0.99

00:12:36.000 And Ron White crushed.

00:12:37.000 And then he gets off stage, he grabs me by my shoulders. 0.99

00:12:39.000 He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're going to keep doing this. 1.00

00:12:44.000 He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do, get your fucking club open. 1.00

00:12:47.000 Let's go, Joe Rogan. 1.00

00:12:49.000 I'm like, God damn, Ron White. 0.99

00:12:50.000 I love Ron, man. 0.99

00:12:51.000 You know, he's like one of the few guys I know who is successful and really enjoys it.

00:12:56.000 He loves it.

00:12:58.000 He loves it.

00:12:58.000 He's great.

00:12:59.000 He's always writing, too, man. 1.00

00:13:00.000 He's always working on new shit. 0.99

00:13:02.000 He comes down. 0.99

00:13:03.000 We do those Tuesday and Wednesday shows at Vulcan. 0.99

00:13:05.000 He's always coming down and working on new shit. 0.98

00:13:07.000 Yeah, he doesn't have to do any of that. 0.99

00:13:08.000 He's got this new bit that murders.

00:13:08.000 I'm sorry.

00:13:09.000 He doesn't have to do any of that stuff.

00:13:10.000 It's just he loves the game.

00:13:12.000 Well, you don't have to do it either, but you do it.

00:13:13.000 It's the same thing, man. 0.99

00:13:15.000 It's like these guys who just love the thing, the stand-up, the fucking thing. 0.99

00:13:20.000 When you're set up, punchline, boom, you wrote it. 0.99

00:13:23.000 Now you're making it better.

00:13:25.000 It's killing.

00:13:26.000 It's like, this is my new chunk.

00:13:27.000 Like, woo! 0.93

00:13:28.000 I don't know if you've seen me lately.

00:13:30.000 That's very kind of you.

00:13:31.000 Yeah, no, I would say that I'm in that moment now where it's like, my crowd is so good.

00:13:35.000 The people who've been coming to see me for years now, they are so good all the different ways you want them.

00:13:42.000 They love jokes.

00:13:43.000 There's no line for them.

00:13:45.000 They don't want it.

00:13:46.000 They don't want it dumbed down.

00:13:48.000 They know I don't pick sides.

00:13:49.000 And they know that it's about the joke and that I'm trying to bring them new material every time.

00:13:54.000 And they drink and they tip hard and they're good to the staff.

00:13:57.000 So what more can I answer?

00:13:58.000 That's the best.

00:13:59.000 I'm a lucky guy.

00:14:00.000 I'm very lucky.

00:14:00.000 And anybody who works with me, they always say the same thing.

00:14:02.000 They go, Dave, your crowd is awesome.

00:14:04.000 That's beautiful.

00:14:05.000 It's a great compliment.

00:14:06.000 Well, it's because you're doing all the right things.

00:14:08.000 You're doing comedy just for comedy.

00:14:10.000 You're just having fun.

00:14:11.000 And some of us fell apart.

00:14:14.000 Some of us fell apart in this wonderful world of what's okay to talk about, what's not okay to talk about, what's a joke, and what's not acceptable.

00:14:21.000 It's like, come on.

00:14:23.000 It seems like you and I have both done the West East Coast kind of like you do your show on the road and you're like, there is no wrong.

00:14:33.000 And then you hit like a showcase show like New York or whatever.

00:14:36.000 And I'm old.

00:14:37.000 I mean, I'm 57 years old and I am so I never try and be relevant.

00:14:42.000 But irrelevant is the word.

00:14:44.000 Like, they kind of go up there.

00:14:45.000 It looks like I'm about to lead, like, a ghost hunting tour, you know?

00:14:49.000 They're, like, terrified.

00:14:50.000 But, like, the moans and the groans and all that kind of stuff, I'm kind of getting used to it.

00:14:54.000 You know, the choppy sea, as I call it.

00:14:56.000 You know, the little, like, whimpers and, like, you know, cries of foul play.

00:15:00.000 I mean, it's like, okay, that's how you guys react.

00:15:03.000 I gotta just deal with that.

00:15:04.000 But it's nothing like them back in the day when you knew immediately when you...

00:15:09.000 I mean, there's not a plate of chicken wings coming at you.

00:15:12.000 It's like, I mean, let's take it for what it is.

00:15:15.000 For people who've done those prom shows at Dangerfields.

00:15:19.000 Yeah, well, that's the thing.

00:15:20.000 It's like, you know, the reaction is different.

00:15:24.000 But I would say the, and this probably scares you too, is the cold silence of a young crowd.

00:15:28.000 You know, where they just basically, you can see it in their head.

00:15:31.000 They're buffering.

00:15:32.000 They're trying to figure out how to react.

00:15:34.000 It's interesting because there's a way to navigate those waters, right?

00:15:37.000 But these are definitely new waters.

00:15:38.000 And if you want to bring up controversial material, there's certain people that aren't even going to listen to what you're saying.

00:15:46.000 They won't listen to what you're saying.

00:15:48.000 What they want to do is just immediately react to a subject and bark.

00:15:52.000 Right.

00:15:52.000 They immediately want to, like, state their position on this subject and bark.

00:15:55.000 So you've hit, like, political or cultural hot points, and you can't even have a take on them that's humorous.

00:16:02.000 They won't allow that because they feel like they're an activist.

00:16:05.000 That's the problem.

00:16:06.000 I know what you're talking about, and, like, I'm always, like, you know, it's the joke.

00:16:11.000 And, like, I really, you know, put a lot of time into material.

00:16:14.000 So, like, anybody who knows me is, like, I check a joke.

00:16:17.000 I want to make sure that, like, I'm doing it, you know, it's my joke.

00:16:20.000 You've called me several times.

00:16:21.000 Yeah, I have, right?

00:16:22.000 Right.

00:16:22.000 That's a weird call, isn't it?

00:16:24.000 No, it's a good call.

00:16:25.000 It's a good call because it's a call from an artist.

00:16:27.000 You know, you're like, hey, this seemed like it came to me too easy.

00:16:30.000 Have you heard this?

00:16:30.000 But my friends, you know, I include you in this group, always go like, you know, your calls are almost cryptic.

00:16:37.000 Like, do you say antelope in a joke?

00:16:42.000 Do you have a joke that ends with Froot Loops?

00:16:44.000 I'm like, who is this?

00:16:47.000 You know, that kind of thing.

00:16:47.000 It's so funny because Santino called me up the other day in a frenzy.

00:16:50.000 He's like, do you have a joke on this?

00:16:52.000 I feel like you have a joke on this.

00:16:53.000 I had a nightmare that you had a joke on this in one of your old specials.

00:16:55.000 I go, nope, definitely don't.

00:16:57.000 I definitely don't.

00:16:58.000 If I do, I forgot it.

00:17:00.000 It's fair play.

00:17:01.000 Luckily, there's all these super fans now where they start quoting your old material after you.

00:17:05.000 I'm like, who is that guy?

00:17:06.000 Oh, that's me.

00:17:07.000 Oh, I forgot.

00:17:08.000 I know someone will bring up a joke and I don't even know how it goes.

00:17:12.000 Because I have to abandon them.

00:17:14.000 We all have to abandon them.

00:17:15.000 Do you smoke cigars?

00:17:16.000 No, that was my dad's thing.

00:17:18.000 I'm on these American spirits.

00:17:21.000 Those are good.

00:17:22.000 Those are healthy.

00:17:23.000 Are they?

00:17:25.000 I don't think so.

00:17:28.000 But, you know, you've been cool with that because I know when people get the call sometimes they get all like, why are you asking me this?

00:17:35.000 And I'm like, I'm just trying to check the joke.

00:17:37.000 No, man, everybody does that.

00:17:39.000 If you don't do that, then maybe you've never had an idea that came to you that's weird.

00:17:43.000 Like, sometimes an idea will come to you, it's like, is that, no one's thought that already?

00:17:47.000 Yeah.

00:17:47.000 Too easy.

00:17:48.000 A too easy joke.

00:17:50.000 Sometimes they're too easy.

00:17:50.000 Yeah.

00:17:51.000 And you don't know, man, because, like, there's shit that you might have heard when you had been doing comedy for six months and you completely forgot about it. 0.96

00:17:58.000 And then all of a sudden it pops in your head as if it's yours. 1.00

00:18:01.000 And you're like, oh, shit. 0.98

00:18:02.000 And then you also have to, because there's so many different ways to stream and platform that now it's like, oh, you know, is this a joke? 0.99

00:18:10.000 You know, like, is this one cool?

00:18:11.000 Or did someone already TikTok this idea?

00:18:14.000 Or that, you know, like, what's going on?

00:18:16.000 Is somebody memeing?

00:18:18.000 Sorry, I don't even know the terms.

00:18:19.000 So that's the point of like, it's hard and harder to check material all the time.

00:18:24.000 Yeah, but it's kind of fun.

00:18:27.000 It's part of the fun of it all. 0.69

00:18:28.000 It is a fun way to make a living, goddammit. 0.92

00:18:30.000 For sure.

00:18:31.000 And I always, you know, since I have very few marketable skills, you know, it's cool to have one where you have some control over your, you know, destiny, situation, all that kind of stuff.

00:18:42.000 You've managed to avoid all the pitfalls of social media.

00:18:46.000 No, I'm not into it.

00:18:48.000 I kind of rock with a flip phone.

00:18:50.000 I got someone who does that for me, and I answer every message I can.

00:18:55.000 I just don't...

00:18:56.000 I mean, I give you a lot of credit for what you do.

00:18:59.000 Doing this every day for hours on end, that's tough.

00:19:02.000 That's really tough, and it's hard to get up for that show.

00:19:05.000 Dude, it's easy.

00:19:06.000 Coal mining's tough. 1.00

00:19:07.000 Yeah, this is easy as fuck. 1.00

00:19:08.000 I'm talking to people like you. 0.99

00:19:09.000 How hard is that?

00:19:10.000 I'm the luckiest guy in life. 0.97

00:19:11.000 I get to talk to some of the coolest fucks that have ever lived. 0.96

00:19:14.000 It's amazing. 0.98

00:19:15.000 It's so fun.

00:19:16.000 You gotta give a lot of yourself for that.

00:19:17.000 I'm not really like, you know, like, I have trouble talking about myself and I like talking about comedy and like, you know, we were talking about this outside in the hall about like, there's a lot of dead friends of ours, you know, out there and stuff like that.

00:19:31.000 And, you know, if I could bring one up would be cool.

00:19:35.000 Gilbert, you know, who I was there when he went down, you know, Jeff Ross and I were both really close friends of the family and Gilbert.

00:19:41.000 And we had both been there, like, day of.

00:19:44.000 And I was there in the morning when he went down.

00:19:46.000 And I was thinking, like, you know, here's a guy who generationally, like, since the 80s, you know, has been famous, infamous, famous, all that kind of stuff.

00:19:56.000 And we all knew him in the comedy world, like, what he was about, or at least I did.

00:19:59.000 You know, I was always a huge fan of his.

00:20:01.000 He always made me laugh.

00:20:02.000 Always made me laugh.

00:20:03.000 And it's great when you get a guy that you know and he makes you laugh.

00:20:06.000 And I was like, you know...

00:20:08.000 Social media for him was easy.

00:20:10.000 Like, he loved it.

00:20:11.000 He loved cameo.

00:20:13.000 He was like the biggest cameo guy in the world.

00:20:15.000 Like, he's huge.

00:20:16.000 Happy birthday!

00:20:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:18.000 You cock sucker. 1.00

00:20:19.000 I hope your anniversary. 1.00

00:20:21.000 You know, like, just these, like a troll sending out, you know, like, riddles.

00:20:27.000 Yeah.

00:20:27.000 But like, he loved it.

00:20:28.000 He loved it.

00:20:29.000 And it's like, it's amazing how like, you know, here's a guy who's older than me, but he somehow took to it and it worked for him, you know?

00:20:35.000 It just naturally fit his personality.

00:20:36.000 For sure. 0.99

00:20:37.000 He was a funny fucking dude, man. 0.98

00:20:39.000 I was so happy to get him in here and get a chance to talk to him. 0.97

00:20:44.000 You know, I guess I never really had that much time talking to them.

00:20:47.000 I was just like saying hi at a club here or there, but to sit down.

00:20:50.000 That's the thing about like a podcast that's different than any other kind of conversation. 0.98

00:20:54.000 You get to really know someone over hours and hours of time just shooting the shit about stuff. 0.98

00:20:58.000 True. 0.94

00:20:59.000 It's like how often do we get a chance to do, like some of the best conversations I've ever had with my friends have been public.

00:21:06.000 Everything has...

00:21:06.000 We're all different places, different times, all that kind of stuff.

00:21:09.000 But with Gilbert, I was going to say that, you know, here's a guy who, like, when I would go, hey, you're in town.

00:21:16.000 Come down to the Comedy Cellar and do a set, or I'll bring you on stage and we'll, like, do, like, a little something, you know?

00:21:21.000 And, like, you know, Jeff and I always loved, like, working with him.

00:21:24.000 You know, he's always so much fun.

00:21:25.000 But, like...

00:21:26.000 He was like, no.

00:21:28.000 Why would I do that?

00:21:29.000 I was just in Poughkeepsie, New York.

00:21:31.000 I don't need to go up in front of strangers.

00:21:36.000 He was like, the job was the job.

00:21:38.000 And then he did his other thing.

00:21:40.000 So I kind of respected that about him, too.

00:21:42.000 But he also did Cameo.

00:21:44.000 No, he loved Cameo.

00:21:45.000 So he's a complicated man.

00:21:46.000 He really was.

00:21:48.000 I'm sure the flag was that half-staff at Cameo when he went down.

00:21:51.000 I bet.

00:21:53.000 Cameos are odd.

00:21:54.000 I go to watch people's Cameos sometimes.

00:21:56.000 You know what's the saddest?

00:21:57.000 When they flub it and they don't redo it.

00:22:00.000 Come on, man.

00:22:01.000 It's really good how, like, you know, being older, like, you're like, I wonder what these surviving cast members of Magnum Piaria are up to.

00:22:07.000 I guess I can look on Cameo and see which ones are available for a happy birthday message.

00:22:13.000 What a weird thing.

00:22:15.000 People love it.

00:22:16.000 You get famous people to wish you happy birthday.

00:22:18.000 Who's the number one person on Cameo, young Jamie?

00:22:21.000 If you had to guess.

00:22:23.000 Is it...

00:22:23.000 I bet it's still Gilbert.

00:22:26.000 Was Gilbert really number one?

00:22:27.000 I think he was.

00:22:28.000 I know who it is now, I think.

00:22:30.000 At least for a while, those Island Boys took over for a minute.

00:22:33.000 Those guys that went viral online.

00:22:34.000 Are they still around?

00:22:35.000 Because of that.

00:22:36.000 It's really working still?

00:22:38.000 I think.

00:22:38.000 I hope they stay around forever.

00:22:39.000 I hope them, they get together with that girl, the Catch Me Outside girl, and they make super babies.

00:22:45.000 Yeah, she definitely would be a hit. 0.99

00:22:46.000 Super influencer babies. 0.98

00:22:50.000 It's funny when people become successful like that for no fucking reason and people get mad. 1.00

00:22:55.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:22:56.000 Why are you mad? 1.00

00:22:59.000 Like, look at this. 1.00

00:23:00.000 It's ridiculous. 0.96

00:23:01.000 It's fun. 0.87

00:23:01.000 The top earners are kind of a surprise. 0.87

00:23:03.000 It's Kevin from The Office. 1.00

00:23:04.000 Put that shit up. 1.00

00:23:05.000 Really? 1.00

00:23:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:06.000 What do we got?

00:23:07.000 That's Brian Baumgartner's name.

00:23:09.000 Interesting.

00:23:10.000 Is he really good at it or something?

00:23:12.000 I don't know.

00:23:14.000 Huh.

00:23:17.000 Click on the thing?

00:23:20.000 You got a whole day's worth of great- So that dude?

00:23:22.000 Yeah.

00:23:23.000 Wow.

00:23:23.000 Good for him.

00:23:24.000 At least at this time, which was November 21. Cost of business is 2,600 bucks.

00:23:31.000 Damn, you could rack up some numbers. 0.99

00:23:33.000 Yeah, really. 0.99

00:23:33.000 It was Gilbert. 0.99

00:23:34.000 He was up there.

00:23:35.000 Yeah, Gilbert would do like 10 a day.

00:23:37.000 I mean, if not more, you know?

00:23:39.000 That's a lot of money, man.

00:23:42.000 Michael Rappaport's in there?

00:23:44.000 How many is Rappaport doing? 1.00

00:23:45.000 How much does it cost to get Rappaport to talk shit to you? 1.00

00:23:48.000 200 bucks. 1.00

00:23:49.000 Damn, that's a good deal. 0.99

00:23:52.000 So anybody gets to pick the number? 0.99

00:23:54.000 That's Carole Baskin.

00:23:56.000 She's on it? 0.93

00:23:57.000 Joe Exotic should be on if she's on it.

00:24:00.000 Where's your husband?

00:24:01.000 Where's your husband, lady?

00:24:04.000 Yeah, I gotta learn to like make some money online or something like that.

00:24:07.000 Imagine that. 0.96

00:24:08.000 Did she really, if, let's just say if, we're not alleging anything, but if she really did feed her husband to a tiger, and you can get her to wish you a happy birthday, that is fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:24:17.000 That's how I want to go too, is food. 0.83

00:24:19.000 I think that's a great way to go out.

00:24:21.000 It is kind of weird that we kind of cheat on the food pyramid thing, because we embalm ourselves so we don't rot, so nothing can eat us.

00:24:29.000 It's a dirty trick.

00:24:31.000 Like the alligator pit would be kind of fun, don't you think?

00:24:35.000 When your body's done, just have a little celebration, throw you in a pit full of alligators?

00:24:39.000 Because they have zero respect. 0.98

00:24:41.000 You know, the way they roll, you know how they kill, they roll.

00:24:45.000 That would be just seeing myself twerking around like that.

00:24:47.000 Jamie, did I show you the video of the crocodile that's swimming with a body in its mouth?

00:24:52.000 A human body in its mouth?

00:24:54.000 Did I send that to you?

00:24:56.000 This one's rough.

00:24:59.000 Someone sent this to me on Instagram.

00:25:02.000 It's a crocodile.

00:25:04.000 And it's swimming up to this boat.

00:25:06.000 And it sounds like they're from Australia or South Africa.

00:25:09.000 It's hard to tell.

00:25:11.000 Because I'm not good at accents.

00:25:13.000 But they're trying to figure out what it is, and then they realize it's a human.

00:25:18.000 Oh, no.

00:25:19.000 Oh, dude, it's rough.

00:25:21.000 It's rough.

00:25:22.000 I'm going to try to find it.

00:25:22.000 Okay, this is the kind of stuff.

00:25:25.000 This is it.

00:25:26.000 I'm waiting for the video to load.

00:25:28.000 Could be it.

00:25:30.000 Yeah, that's a crocodile, right?

00:25:31.000 Oh, there it is on there.

00:25:32.000 No, that's not it.

00:25:33.000 No, that's not it.

00:25:34.000 That looks...

00:25:34.000 Yeah, I think they're just showing croc videos.

00:25:37.000 They're not going to show the video?

00:25:38.000 I don't think so.

00:25:39.000 Let's see.

00:25:39.000 Maybe.

00:25:40.000 This guy's fighting him off with his...

00:25:41.000 I guarantee you I have it in here.

00:25:44.000 If you just give me one second, I'll find it.

00:25:46.000 Extremely graphic footage.

00:25:48.000 Hear this?

00:25:49.000 Is this it?

00:25:50.000 No, that's another one.

00:25:51.000 Oh no.

00:25:53.000 That's another one with a body... 0.99

00:25:54.000 Yeah, this was from a month ago.

00:25:55.000 I've seen that one too.

00:25:58.000 Bro, seriously.

00:26:00.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:26:01.000 Wow.

00:26:01.000 Yeah.

00:26:02.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:26:03.000 That's the one.

00:26:04.000 Wow.

00:26:05.000 So look at that. 0.99

00:26:06.000 Bro, that is fucking rough. 0.99

00:26:08.000 He de-pantsed them, too. 1.00

00:26:09.000 That is fucking rough. 0.99

00:26:11.000 By the arm. 1.00

00:26:11.000 That is rough. 1.00

00:26:12.000 And it looks like the crocodile wants everybody to see it.

00:26:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:15.000 That's what's most fucked up. 0.99

00:26:17.000 It looks like it's swimming over. 1.00

00:26:19.000 It wants everyone to see that it killed a person.

00:26:22.000 Now, how much is that crocodile's cameo?

00:26:25.000 I just want you to look at that, how crazy that is.

00:26:28.000 That is pretty...

00:26:29.000 That we accept the fact that monsters live near us.

00:26:33.000 That we're cool with that.

00:26:34.000 Like, why are we cool with that? 0.98

00:26:37.000 What the fuck is wrong with us? 0.94

00:26:38.000 I think it puts us kind of in our place a little bit. 0.99

00:26:41.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:26:42.000 Yeah, is that necessary?

00:26:44.000 I get it.

00:26:44.000 I don't know.

00:26:45.000 I don't think we should keep those things around.

00:26:47.000 Everybody thinks we should keep them around. 1.00

00:26:49.000 Like, I think shoot them in the fucking head and turn them into shoes. 1.00

00:26:53.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

00:26:54.000 Those things eat people. 1.00

00:26:56.000 Like, we're just so far removed from nature that we think that, and I'm not advocating.

00:27:03.000 Honestly, I'm joking around.

00:27:05.000 I'm not advocating for the elimination of all crocodiles.

00:27:07.000 Right.

00:27:07.000 But the fact that people are really comfortable being around them just blows my mind.

00:27:14.000 Florida's having more and more alligator attacks every year.

00:27:17.000 Is that true?

00:27:18.000 I might have made that up.

00:27:18.000 But I think there's been a number this year in Florida.

00:27:21.000 Well, that's one of my favorite shows where the guys get to go out and cull the herd.

00:27:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:25.000 That's really cool.

00:27:26.000 The way they do that, man.

00:27:27.000 I love it.

00:27:28.000 And they're doing it now with the pythons because that's another invasive species.

00:27:32.000 That shows swamp people, right? 1.00

00:27:34.000 What is this?

00:27:34.000 Alligator attacks do happen in Florida, but not at an alarming rate.

00:27:37.000 One is an alarming rate. 0.98

00:27:39.000 If one person gets killed by a werewolf, if one a year gets killed by a werewolf, that's fucking alarming. 0.98

00:27:46.000 That's not what that guy thought. 0.97

00:27:48.000 There's only an average of six a year, I feel like.

00:27:50.000 But I think this year there was a few.

00:27:52.000 I think a few people died this year.

00:27:54.000 How many people died from alligator attacks in 2022?

00:27:56.000 Just Google that real quick.

00:28:00.000 I'm gonna guess.

00:28:00.000 I think it's six.

00:28:01.000 I think six people have died from alligator attacks.

00:28:03.000 No, that's nothing.

00:28:05.000 What about drunk driving?

00:28:06.000 What about Oxycontin?

00:28:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that too.

00:28:10.000 That too. 0.99

00:28:11.000 But fucking also alligators. 0.99

00:28:13.000 Four so far. 1.00

00:28:15.000 Four. 0.99

00:28:16.000 How many have just fucking disappeared? 0.99

00:28:18.000 How many homeless folks just vanished? 0.99

00:28:20.000 One of my favorite stories was a guy stole a car and the cops were chasing him and he jumps out of the car on a bridge and jumps in the water and lands right on an alligator and gets killed right in front of the cops.

00:28:32.000 Oh, wow.

00:28:33.000 That's great.

00:28:34.000 He just landed, boom, right where the alligator was.

00:28:36.000 Just snaps him up like right away.

00:28:39.000 Wow. 1.00

00:28:40.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:28:41.000 You've been in New York lately or no? 1.00

00:28:43.000 Yes.

00:28:43.000 Yeah, we got our own little thing going on over there now.

00:28:46.000 What's going on?

00:28:46.000 I don't know.

00:28:47.000 It's kind of like a...

00:28:49.000 You know, it's like a little bit of mayhem.

00:28:52.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:28:53.000 Like, especially the street people, like, pretty aggressive.

00:28:56.000 And, you know, it does feel like...

00:28:59.000 Like homeless folks are aggressive?

00:29:01.000 Yeah, just like, you know, there's a lot of, you know, psychosis out there.

00:29:05.000 There's a lot of whatever's going on, a lot of aggressive panhandling, a lot of just like, I can do whatever I want whenever I want going on.

00:29:11.000 So it's kind of old school New York, like more like in the 70s, 80s than it is.

00:29:15.000 And it's filthy.

00:29:16.000 You know, it is that kind of like, It's like Gotham without Batman.

00:29:20.000 That's really what it is.

00:29:21.000 It's just pretty much out of control.

00:29:23.000 But you definitely see rats.

00:29:26.000 Have you ever seen a tornado of rats?

00:29:30.000 I've seen a lot of rats before.

00:29:32.000 I was walking from the Comedy Cellar up towards Washington Square Park late at night. 0.99

00:29:36.000 And just like a bag of garbage like... 0.98

00:29:39.000 And then it was just like a circle of rats.

00:29:41.000 I was like, oh, this is like the end of days, like right here. 0.99

00:29:44.000 I was like, holy shit. 0.98

00:29:45.000 It's just like a sign. 0.99

00:29:47.000 I was like, I couldn't believe it.

00:29:48.000 I parked at this gas station once in the 90s back when you had to use payphones.

00:29:52.000 So I pulled into the gas station, started pumping my gas, and I go over to use the payphone.

00:29:56.000 And as I'm using the payphone, I'm watching rats jump on my wheel and crawl up into my car.

00:30:02.000 And you drove that car?

00:30:03.000 I had to.

00:30:04.000 What am I gonna do? 1.00

00:30:05.000 Oh shit. 1.00

00:30:05.000 I'm like, what the fuck do you do? 1.00

00:30:06.000 That's brave. 0.99

00:30:07.000 I felt like if I started up, they would jump out. 0.99

00:30:11.000 I mean, like, what the fuck are they looking for? 0.99

00:30:13.000 It's like they're looking for food or something. 1.00

00:30:14.000 They're looking for a hole to get into the car and find food.

00:30:17.000 Was it cold?

00:30:18.000 No.

00:30:19.000 Because they go under the engine, they say, under the engine block to warm up.

00:30:22.000 They're really smart.

00:30:23.000 They're so smart.

00:30:24.000 Have you seen that, Joe, the Rats documentary on Netflix?

00:30:27.000 No.

00:30:28.000 Oh my god, you have to see it.

00:30:29.000 It's incredible.

00:30:30.000 I'm always afraid they're going to swim up the toilet because that happened one time, though.

00:30:34.000 That probably happened one time.

00:30:35.000 One werewolf.

00:30:36.000 I'm staying out of the woods. 1.00

00:30:38.000 Fuck that, dude. 1.00

00:30:40.000 There was the documentary. 1.00

00:30:41.000 It shows all the diseases that they carry.

00:30:44.000 Like, there's rats out there right now that have the plague.

00:30:47.000 Yeah.

00:30:48.000 They're around people.

00:30:50.000 They caught some in Georgia, and they ran some studies on them.

00:30:53.000 They found all kinds of crazy diseases in these things.

00:30:55.000 But you know Naked and Afraid?

00:30:57.000 You know those guys?

00:30:58.000 Those guys, like they have the two guys.

00:30:59.000 They have the hunter guy and then they have the other guy who's the scrounger.

00:31:02.000 You know, he's just the scavenger guy.

00:31:03.000 And he would eat that.

00:31:04.000 He would eat it.

00:31:05.000 He'd figure out a way to like de-plague it and like skin it and like just eat it. 0.92

00:31:09.000 Eat a rat?

00:31:09.000 Yeah, he's awesome the way he does his stuff.

00:31:11.000 You can eat a rat.

00:31:12.000 You just have to cook it to like 167 degrees.

00:31:16.000 That's what kills trichinosis. 0.98

00:31:17.000 That's the most dangerous one.

00:31:18.000 But even that doesn't kill you. 0.99

00:31:20.000 There's all sorts of other shit that could be carried in those things though. 0.99

00:31:23.000 Like someone ate... 0.99

00:31:25.000 Burbot liver and they got the bubonic plague.

00:31:29.000 I think it was like a traditional dish in whatever country they're from and they ate, find that out.

00:31:36.000 Eat burbot. 1.00

00:31:37.000 B-U-R-B-O-T. It's like some weird mammal.

00:31:41.000 And they ate its liver.

00:31:43.000 And they got the plague.

00:31:45.000 Classic. 1.00

00:31:45.000 Yeah, it's just like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:31:50.000 Like, rats are around people all day long in numbers that are, like, they think that the physical size of the rat population, in terms of, like, their biological mass, their weight, is the same as people. 0.99

00:32:03.000 Wow, you mean all the people to all the rats?

00:32:05.000 Yes, all the people and all the rats. 0.82

00:32:07.000 Marmot.

00:32:08.000 Yeah, marmot meat.

00:32:09.000 He ate raw marmot meat.

00:32:11.000 So a Mongolian couple died from bubonic plague in 2019. Wow.

00:32:17.000 Sparking a quarantine that trapped tourists for days.

00:32:20.000 Yeah, see?

00:32:21.000 So marmot is like a little gopher looking thing.

00:32:24.000 Oh, okay, that's a different story. 0.99

00:32:25.000 So they ate this thing and they got the fucking plague. 0.99

00:32:29.000 I think it was, wasn't it raw? 0.99

00:32:31.000 In New York?

00:32:31.000 Yeah, they eat raw marmot meat.

00:32:33.000 Yeah.

00:32:34.000 Bro!

00:32:35.000 In New York, you know the dog park?

00:32:37.000 Yes.

00:32:37.000 There was a rat in the middle, and all the dogs were trying to be dogs.

00:32:41.000 They're trying to attack them.

00:32:42.000 But you could tell they already had been too metro, that they really didn't know what to do.

00:32:46.000 They were like, my assistant will do this.

00:32:49.000 You know?

00:32:50.000 Something like that.

00:32:51.000 We'll send a smaller dog in there.

00:32:53.000 Have you ever seen the video of the rat killing the pigeon?

00:32:56.000 I love that one!

00:32:57.000 Oh, that's a great one, isn't it?

00:33:00.000 Oh, man.

00:33:00.000 I didn't know they hunted.

00:33:02.000 Oh, God.

00:33:02.000 They're so good.

00:33:03.000 I just assumed they killed things that were already dead.

00:33:05.000 I didn't know they killed things, too.

00:33:07.000 Some people keep them as pets.

00:33:08.000 Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about.

00:33:09.000 That's an eye-opener.

00:33:11.000 This is great. 0.99

00:33:12.000 The thing about that rat, too, when a rat is that fucking brazen, a lot of times that's a rat that has toxoplasmosis. 0.99

00:33:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:20.000 Dude, most definitely. 0.99

00:33:22.000 Look at him outgunned, outnumbered.

00:33:24.000 He's still holding.

00:33:24.000 He's bouncing around in the middle.

00:33:26.000 He's not running to hide.

00:33:29.000 He's kind of like hanging out in the middle.

00:33:31.000 He could have been injured a little bit there too.

00:33:32.000 He could have been.

00:33:33.000 This is kind of like a peewee football where you want your dog to go in and make the kill.

00:33:36.000 All those dogs are going to the vet afterwards.

00:33:38.000 They're getting multiple shots. 1.00

00:33:39.000 You guys fucked up. 1.00

00:33:41.000 They're all New York dogs too. 1.00

00:33:42.000 They're like, oh my god, I'm traumatized.

00:33:44.000 Oh my god, they're going to have therapy.

00:33:46.000 They're going to have so many shots.

00:33:47.000 You have to get rabies shots.

00:33:49.000 You have to get everything.

00:33:50.000 I loved when I went to your old house out in LA, right?

00:33:54.000 The dogs you had.

00:33:55.000 Those big, big dogs.

00:33:57.000 Which ones?

00:33:58.000 The pit bulls?

00:33:59.000 The ones that were outside.

00:34:00.000 Was it the pit bulls or was it the mastiff that I had?

00:34:04.000 The mastiff.

00:34:04.000 Yeah, the mastiff was a sweetie.

00:34:06.000 He was the best.

00:34:06.000 That was Johnny Cash.

00:34:07.000 He was so sweet.

00:34:08.000 I love that dog.

00:34:09.000 He was so sweet.

00:34:10.000 Those dogs, man.

00:34:11.000 The big dogs, when they get older, it's rough on them, man.

00:34:15.000 I used to have to carry him to take him to the bathroom.

00:34:18.000 He couldn't walk anymore.

00:34:19.000 How long did he...

00:34:21.000 He lived to be 13, which is old for a really big dog.

00:34:25.000 That's amazing.

00:34:25.000 But it's so sad, man.

00:34:27.000 Yeah.

00:34:27.000 You have them from the time they're a puppy, and then all of a sudden they're 13 and they can't walk, and you're just a little boy.

00:34:33.000 You're my little buddy, and you're 13. He was like 140 pounds.

00:34:37.000 I used to have to carry him outside.

00:34:39.000 Wow.

00:34:39.000 I used to pick him up, take him outside to go to the bathroom.

00:34:42.000 Yeah, but you gave him a great life, though.

00:34:43.000 I mean, what an awesome setup you had for him.

00:34:45.000 It was a good yard.

00:34:46.000 He was a smart dog, too.

00:34:48.000 He was the one, but he got honey-potted into killing chickens by a coyote.

00:34:52.000 Did you ever tell you this story?

00:34:53.000 No.

00:34:53.000 He was really big, you know, so he was a very strong dog.

00:34:57.000 And so, like, chicken wire that kept coyotes out, that didn't keep him out.

00:35:00.000 He just didn't go in there because he didn't know that you can kill chickens.

00:35:03.000 So one day the pool guy had accidentally left the gate open that led to this other part where the pool is and where the chicken coop was. 0.99

00:35:13.000 And so this fucking coyote was teaching him to be his friend. 0.99

00:35:19.000 Oh. 1.00

00:35:19.000 And the coyote was like, come to the fence. 1.00

00:35:21.000 Like, I'm your friend.

00:35:22.000 And he was friendly.

00:35:23.000 He was like, oh, you're my friend.

00:35:24.000 He just thought it was a dog, right?

00:35:25.000 Yeah.

00:35:25.000 And then we had this chicken that was brooding.

00:35:27.000 I don't know if you know what brooding is.

00:35:28.000 No.

00:35:29.000 But when a chicken thinks that it has to raise an egg, even though the egg hasn't been fertilized, it's called brooding, they get kind of crazy.

00:35:36.000 And they pick at their feathers, and then they sit on an egg, and they just insist that this egg, even though it's not fertilized, is going to become a chicken.

00:35:43.000 But it's a real egg there.

00:35:45.000 It's a real egg. 0.76

00:35:45.000 They lay an egg, but something goes bonkers in their brain. 0.76

00:35:48.000 And they have to go through this whole cycle of when the chick would be born, before they shake out of it.

00:35:52.000 Or you take them and you isolate them in a smaller pen.

00:35:55.000 So I took them and I isolate them and you put them on this post where they have to stand up.

00:35:59.000 And if they have to stand up, then they can't brood because they can't sit on that thing. 0.99

00:36:04.000 They put their feathers out and shit. 1.00

00:36:05.000 It gets rough. 0.99

00:36:06.000 So we had this one chicken that was separated.

00:36:09.000 And so the coyote convinced Johnny to destroy the chicken coop.

00:36:13.000 Uh-huh.

00:36:14.000 So I don't know how it did it, man.

00:36:16.000 But all of a sudden, like, he never did that before, but he just destroys this thing.

00:36:21.000 He's huge.

00:36:21.000 Just pulls it apart.

00:36:22.000 And then I'm with my kids and my wife, and we're playing some board game. 0.96

00:36:26.000 And so we're sitting there in the living room, we're playing like Uno or some shit. 0.98

00:36:29.000 And then I see this coyote leapfrog over the fence with a chicken in his mouth. 0.98

00:36:36.000 It was amazing.

00:36:37.000 Wow.

00:36:37.000 It was so graceful.

00:36:39.000 Like, we had this, like, six-foot-high wrought-iron fence.

00:36:42.000 It just went like this.

00:36:44.000 Bing! 0.98

00:36:44.000 To the top of the fence. 0.98

00:36:46.000 Boing! 0.99

00:36:46.000 And then over it. 0.99

00:36:47.000 Like, it was nothing.

00:36:48.000 Like, it was nothing.

00:36:49.000 And talk about, like, your dog to a coyote.

00:36:52.000 A coyote weighs, like, what, 50 pounds?

00:36:54.000 Maybe.

00:36:54.000 Not even that, I think.

00:36:56.000 And it just carried that chicken like it was nothing.

00:36:58.000 But it convinced my dog...

00:37:00.000 To smash open this thing.

00:37:02.000 So then my pool guy fucks up again and leaves the gate open.

00:37:06.000 So Johnny decides, I'm just going to go in the big chicken coop. 0.94

00:37:10.000 So he just smashes a hole in the big chicken coop and goes on a massacre and kills nine chickens.

00:37:17.000 So I see it outside from my bathroom. 1.00

00:37:21.000 I'm like, fuck! 1.00

00:37:22.000 I run out there and I have to go through the hole that he created and I grab him and drag him out. 1.00

00:37:28.000 Man, that must have activated something deep in the back of his brain when he got that chicken blood in him.

00:37:33.000 I'm getting hard.

00:37:34.000 Well, the coyote just convinced him, like, why aren't you killing these chickens?

00:37:36.000 He's like, why aren't I killing these chickens?

00:37:38.000 Right.

00:37:38.000 And then all of a sudden, he's killing chickens.

00:37:40.000 You know the big dog.

00:37:41.000 So your dog is not the dog that they have, like, in the Russian prisons, right?

00:37:45.000 No.

00:37:46.000 Well, I don't know what ones they use.

00:37:47.000 It's the wolf something.

00:37:49.000 The wolf hound.

00:37:49.000 Oh, I've seen that.

00:37:50.000 Whatever that is.

00:37:50.000 That big crazy hairy thing.

00:37:52.000 Yeah, like it lives and it dies outside.

00:37:55.000 It's like basically, you know, it's like an outdoor dog.

00:37:58.000 You never bring it inside.

00:37:59.000 And when they do, they bring it in.

00:38:00.000 They shuffle the prisoners around.

00:38:02.000 They're just barking and growling at them the whole time.

00:38:05.000 That thing looks terrifying.

00:38:06.000 Yeah.

00:38:06.000 It looks like something from The Hobbit.

00:38:08.000 It is like, yeah, like you would see like a battle dwarf riding it. 0.98

00:38:12.000 Aren't they like fucking 200 pounds too? 0.98

00:38:14.000 They're huge. 0.99

00:38:14.000 Easily, easily. 0.99

00:38:15.000 What is that?

00:38:17.000 I don't know what it is.

00:38:18.000 It's not Australian, right? 0.99

00:38:20.000 No.

00:38:22.000 No, it's Russian.

00:38:23.000 It's a Russian.

00:38:24.000 It's their dog.

00:38:25.000 It's like crazy big.

00:38:27.000 Just Google Russian werewolf dog.

00:38:29.000 It's the one they use in their like Supermax lockdowns.

00:38:33.000 Jesus.

00:38:33.000 Like in Stranger Things.

00:38:35.000 Did they have those in Stranger Things?

00:38:37.000 No, they didn't.

00:38:37.000 They had German Shepherds.

00:38:38.000 They probably can't use those things.

00:38:40.000 They probably can't train them.

00:38:40.000 In New York, it became really cool to have a big dog again, and I think that's cruel.

00:38:44.000 I typed in Russian Wolfhound.

00:38:45.000 That's not it.

00:38:46.000 No, no, no.

00:38:47.000 That dog you would only see in an art gallery.

00:38:50.000 Try Russian Werewolf Dog.

00:38:52.000 Try that.

00:38:54.000 It's like a wolf something.

00:38:57.000 It is intimidating.

00:38:59.000 But I think if you Google Russian werewolf dog, it shows you what it is.

00:39:03.000 Ouch.

00:39:04.000 Nope, that's not it.

00:39:04.000 Maybe the one to the right.

00:39:06.000 Something like that.

00:39:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:39:10.000 No, that's not it. 1.00

00:39:11.000 That's just like a giant ass... 1.00

00:39:13.000 Those things. 1.00

00:39:14.000 Wow!

00:39:14.000 Those are cool looking.

00:39:16.000 That looks like Elton John's sister. 0.99

00:39:19.000 Did you see what fucking Biden said? 1.00

00:39:22.000 Blame it on this guy. 1.00

00:39:24.000 We're spending all the money on AIDS. Did you see that?

00:39:26.000 Did you see Biden's quote? 1.00

00:39:28.000 It's so ridiculous. 1.00

00:39:29.000 These are just wolves, I think. 0.98

00:39:31.000 Yeah, not wolves.

00:39:32.000 It's a giant Russian wolf-like dog. 0.53

00:39:36.000 I'm sorry I brought it up.

00:39:37.000 I thought it would be like an easy hit.

00:39:40.000 No, that's a wolf bear.

00:39:41.000 You're looking like a hybrid. 0.91

00:39:45.000 Google giant Russian werewolf dog. 0.97

00:39:49.000 Let's see this. 0.98

00:39:50.000 It's like a big head dog.

00:39:53.000 Yeah, it's a crazy little thing.

00:39:54.000 Here it is.

00:39:55.000 I found it right away.

00:39:56.000 Yes, that's it.

00:39:58.000 That's it.

00:39:58.000 Caucasian Shepherd.

00:39:59.000 That's it.

00:40:00.000 Look at that.

00:40:00.000 Look at the size of that thing!

00:40:03.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:40:05.000 That can't be real. 1.00

00:40:07.000 That's not real.

00:40:08.000 That's CGI. And that's a little...

00:40:11.000 That might be fake too.

00:40:13.000 Yeah, that's a little fake.

00:40:14.000 That's fake too.

00:40:14.000 But it's a big dog.

00:40:15.000 Look at her arm.

00:40:15.000 I don't like how her arm disappears in the hair.

00:40:17.000 I'm getting...

00:40:18.000 I'm getting...

00:40:19.000 It's the same lady too, I think.

00:40:21.000 I'm getting swindled.

00:40:22.000 Yeah, but that dog is a real dog.

00:40:24.000 The Caucasian Shepherd.

00:40:26.000 So Google that.

00:40:27.000 Google Caucasian Shepherd.

00:40:29.000 They're amazing looking.

00:40:30.000 Look at them in the snow.

00:40:32.000 Yeah, that's it. 1.00

00:40:33.000 That's that giant ass fucking wolf looking thing. 1.00

00:40:36.000 Look at the size of that fucker. 1.00

00:40:38.000 How big are those bitches? 1.00

00:40:39.000 Height? 1.00

00:40:40.000 2.2 feet? 1.00

00:40:42.000 Shit. 1.00

00:40:42.000 2.2 feet. 1.00

00:40:43.000 Wow.

00:40:45.000 That's not that big.

00:40:46.000 I know.

00:40:47.000 That's a cold weather dog for sure.

00:40:49.000 Is this the wrong dog?

00:40:51.000 That ain't the same dog.

00:40:52.000 I think someone did a... 0.98

00:40:53.000 What is that fucking other one though? 0.99

00:40:54.000 There's one wild looking... 0.99

00:40:56.000 100 to 170 pounds?

00:40:57.000 Dog people are so mad right now. 0.99

00:41:00.000 Because it's a big ass dog. 0.99

00:41:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:02.000 Now that was the picture, but that girl was... 0.99

00:41:04.000 That's it.

00:41:06.000 That does not look like two feet. 0.99

00:41:07.000 That thing looks fucking huge. 0.99

00:41:08.000 Not two feet on top. 0.99

00:41:11.000 But that's bigger than two feet, dude.

00:41:13.000 170 pounds max-ish.

00:41:16.000 Look at that coat.

00:41:18.000 Brian Callen would know.

00:41:20.000 I'm gonna call him right now.

00:41:22.000 Brian Callen knows about dogs.

00:41:25.000 Call Brian Callen.

00:41:28.000 I have to get to the bottom of this, Jamie.

00:41:32.000 I'm sorry for slowing down the show, but I think we'll all be better people once we know.

00:41:36.000 Brian Callen, you're live on my podcast.

00:41:38.000 You would know this. 0.94

00:41:39.000 What is that giant, crazy, scary Russian dog that looks like a werewolf? 0.99

00:41:58.000 Right, that's what we're talking about. 0.95

00:42:02.000 It's not a Caucasian mountain dog, right?

00:42:04.000 Or a Caucasian mountain shepherd?

00:42:06.000 That's a different thing.

00:42:11.000 Oh, wow.

00:42:12.000 You look a scholar.

00:42:13.000 Yes, I am.

00:42:14.000 Yes, I am a scholar.

00:42:15.000 But I have seen one in person, and it's as close to a dog bear as you can get.

00:42:22.000 It's like they bred a dog, a big dog, with a grizzly.

00:42:26.000 Wow.

00:42:27.000 That's what it's like.

00:42:27.000 And it has crazy fangs, right?

00:42:30.000 Yeah, well, they fight them.

00:42:32.000 So in the caucuses...

00:42:35.000 I like how you say that.

00:42:36.000 I like how you pronounce Afghanistan.

00:42:38.000 In Afghanistan, they fight those dogs.

00:42:40.000 In the Caucus Mountains, they fight dogs.

00:42:42.000 And that area of the world, they use those giant mountain dogs and they pit them against each other.

00:42:50.000 Anything, Jamie?

00:42:51.000 I'm looking real hard.

00:42:52.000 Caucus Mountains, giant fighting dog?

00:42:54.000 Yep, yep.

00:42:55.000 We'll find it.

00:42:56.000 We'll find it.

00:42:56.000 All right, Brian.

00:42:57.000 Love you.

00:42:58.000 Love you too, buddy.

00:42:58.000 Bye.

00:42:59.000 Wow, that was good work, Joe, man.

00:43:02.000 You got it.

00:43:02.000 I think we might have it.

00:43:03.000 Yeah.

00:43:04.000 Well, that's what the Caucasian Shepherd did. 1.00

00:43:06.000 That's it?

00:43:06.000 I mean, that's what the Caucasian...

00:43:08.000 But it looks scarier than that.

00:43:10.000 I've seen scarier ones.

00:43:11.000 Either way, it's huge.

00:43:13.000 It's a huge dog.

00:43:14.000 You get a lot of dog for your money on that one.

00:43:18.000 Boy, that's subject fizzle out.

00:43:20.000 No, I got more if you want.

00:43:21.000 I was hoping for a big ending.

00:43:22.000 I was hoping we're going to find the picture that I know that I've seen before, that thing with giant fangs.

00:43:27.000 No, you've got to go to, like, what is that lockdown show where they show them, like, using them to, like...

00:43:32.000 That's it!

00:43:33.000 That's the Caucasian Shepherd. 1.00

00:43:35.000 Okay, but that's the image that I've seen before.

00:43:38.000 Like, that one.

00:43:38.000 And then there was another one down, if you just go back to the one you just saw, there was another one down there where his mouth opened.

00:43:45.000 Oh, they're fighting it up.

00:43:46.000 Like, that's it.

00:43:48.000 What is that? 0.99

00:43:48.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

00:43:50.000 That's what I'm talking about. 0.99

00:43:51.000 Okay.

00:43:52.000 So we just looked at, like, really clean-looking, well-bred ones.

00:43:56.000 Wow.

00:43:57.000 That's it.

00:43:58.000 Oh my god, that's real.

00:44:00.000 Beauty and the Beast.

00:44:01.000 That's the real dog.

00:44:02.000 Yeah.

00:44:02.000 What'd you say, Jamie?

00:44:03.000 This lady is in all of these thumbnails, so she's fucked up this thumbnail game. 1.00

00:44:07.000 Yeah, but that seems like it's not... 0.95

00:44:10.000 Go back to that image of her next to the dog. 0.68

00:44:12.000 That seems accurate.

00:44:13.000 It seems like it's actually that big.

00:44:15.000 That dog must eat. 1.00

00:44:17.000 Oh my god, the shits that thing must take. 1.00

00:44:19.000 Oh yeah, that's a lot of work. 0.99

00:44:20.000 Good luck if you've got a regular backyard.

00:44:21.000 You have hefty bags.

00:44:23.000 They look cute there.

00:44:24.000 Look at that.

00:44:25.000 That doesn't look cute.

00:44:26.000 Oh, that's a fun... 1.00

00:44:27.000 Killing a wolf. 0.99

00:44:27.000 Man, that would be a nice oil painting. 0.99

00:44:30.000 It would be, right up your bed.

00:44:32.000 Let ladies know what they're in for. 1.00

00:44:34.000 Kills wolves. 1.00

00:44:36.000 Cool.

00:44:36.000 So now we know.

00:44:37.000 There you go.

00:44:38.000 It's a thing.

00:44:38.000 So we just got a bad image search.

00:44:41.000 It's alright, though.

00:44:42.000 I love that we went through it, but I'll tell you.

00:44:44.000 We made the journey together.

00:44:46.000 We did it.

00:44:47.000 And, you know, all I'm going to say is that it's a little too hot out here in Texas for that kind of a dog.

00:44:53.000 You know, you'd have to give him so many...

00:44:56.000 Oh yeah, I got a golden retriever, and during the summer months, it's rough for him.

00:45:01.000 But he loves swimming, so that's cool.

00:45:03.000 Yeah, they're like built for swimming.

00:45:04.000 Oh my god, yeah.

00:45:05.000 I didn't even have to teach him how to swim.

00:45:07.000 He just jumped in the water when he was a puppy.

00:45:09.000 Really?

00:45:09.000 Yeah, like immediately.

00:45:10.000 Oh, that's right.

00:45:10.000 It's in their DNA or something.

00:45:12.000 100%.

00:45:12.000 Yeah.

00:45:13.000 It was like immediately you start swimming.

00:45:14.000 Nice.

00:45:15.000 Yeah, he figured it out, like, right away.

00:45:17.000 Just had to show him where the stairs were, and he was good.

00:45:20.000 Even the little ones like to take a dip.

00:45:22.000 I like that, you know?

00:45:23.000 The thing about those dogs, too, is, like, it's interesting, retrievers, because they, that, um, teaching a dog to fetch and then bring it back.

00:45:29.000 Some dogs don't want to bring it back. 0.99

00:45:31.000 They're like, hey, motherfucker, bring the ball back. 1.00

00:45:33.000 Yeah, possessive. 1.00

00:45:33.000 Retrievers immediately bring it back. 1.00

00:45:35.000 Every time.

00:45:36.000 Every time.

00:45:36.000 You don't even have to teach him, huh?

00:45:37.000 Never. 1.00

00:45:38.000 The only time he stops is, I know he has to take a shit. 0.99

00:45:40.000 He paused. 0.99

00:45:41.000 He hasn't come back all the way.

00:45:42.000 He's got to take a dump and then he'll come run back over.

00:45:45.000 But those dogs are like designed for retrieving.

00:45:48.000 Well, you know, being on the road, I can't have a dog, so I have to kind of live vicariously through you guys with your dogs.

00:45:54.000 How often are you on the road?

00:45:55.000 How many days a week?

00:45:56.000 I'd say I kind of stepped it up.

00:45:59.000 You know, I got a lot of bills, so I've been stepping it up and trying to do, like, at least two to three weeks on the road, like, you know, full tilt, four days, you know.

00:46:10.000 Every month?

00:46:11.000 Yeah.

00:46:11.000 Wow.

00:46:12.000 And, you know, like we were talking earlier, like, the comedy boom is there.

00:46:15.000 There's definitely, like...

00:46:16.000 Like, Cap City added a show, late show on a Sunday.

00:46:19.000 Who would do that?

00:46:20.000 Why not?

00:46:21.000 Why not? 1.00

00:46:22.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Everywhere I go, it's like, oh, cool, we're close to Seoul. 1.00

00:46:26.000 Let's add a show.

00:46:27.000 I'm up for it.

00:46:27.000 I'm already there.

00:46:28.000 Why not?

00:46:29.000 What else am I going to do?

00:46:30.000 Boy, your machine gets greased when you're doing that many shows, too.

00:46:34.000 Yeah, but towards the end of the week, it does become this whole, like...

00:46:37.000 Because I know people are coming to see multiple shows, so I'm always trying to mix it up for them.

00:46:40.000 Right, right.

00:46:41.000 Sometimes that falls apart on me. 1.00

00:46:42.000 It's like a fucking... 0.99

00:46:43.000 Yeah, but people that are coming to see multiple shows appreciate that, too, that you're out there... 0.99

00:46:48.000 I guess so. 0.99

00:46:48.000 ...fucking around. 0.99

00:46:49.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:46:50.000 I mean, that's half the fun for real comedy nerds, is to watch a guy, like, start a bit, and then you see where that bit becomes in six months...

00:46:59.000 Oh, that's true.

00:47:00.000 How many bits did you start out in the first couple times you did them?

00:47:03.000 They're like, ugh, I might have to abandon this one.

00:47:06.000 You remember, this is another old-school comedy thing, but Richard Jenney, do you remember him?

00:47:11.000 Yeah.

00:47:11.000 He was always the guy who I worked with him, I used to watch him, and I was always like, nobody could crush like this guy did.

00:47:19.000 And I've talked to the younger comics about it, too.

00:47:21.000 I was like, this guy...

00:47:23.000 You know how people leave going like, oh, my belly hurt?

00:47:26.000 People basically, it was like a smackdown.

00:47:29.000 People were leaving limping and stuff like that.

00:47:33.000 My body can't take any more laughter.

00:47:34.000 He's that good.

00:47:35.000 He would just basically get everything out of them.

00:47:37.000 He was like the master of milking a bit.

00:47:40.000 He would find every angle on it.

00:47:42.000 And I wish I had that skill set where you can go like, You take the topic and you keep twisting it and twisting it and twisting it.

00:47:48.000 Brian Regan's another guy who I think is amazing how he finds all these different angles.

00:47:54.000 It's fluid.

00:47:55.000 It's seamless.

00:47:56.000 Jenny was the best at it. 0.97

00:47:58.000 He really was exceptional at writing a chunk of material.

00:48:02.000 Not just a joke.

00:48:03.000 I'm a joke guy.

00:48:04.000 He's like a chunk guy.

00:48:05.000 A chunk on anything.

00:48:07.000 Yeah, on everything actually.

00:48:09.000 Because that was back in the day.

00:48:10.000 Some of it might be a little like, you know, corny, whatever now.

00:48:13.000 But back in the day, all that stuff was solid and people couldn't get enough of it.

00:48:17.000 And I remember like 10-15 minutes on like spaghetti.

00:48:20.000 You know, like something like that, you know?

00:48:22.000 Like buying shoes.

00:48:24.000 That was like an hour and a half.

00:48:24.000 He had a whole chunk on buying a Corvette.

00:48:26.000 I'm like, how is that even relatable to people?

00:48:28.000 And it was murderous.

00:48:29.000 Yeah.

00:48:30.000 A murderous chunk about going to a dealership and buying a Corvette.

00:48:33.000 He was a good guy to watch live.

00:48:35.000 You really kind of got what a headliner does.

00:48:37.000 I tell the story, and unfortunately, if you've heard it before, people are going to hear it again.

00:48:41.000 One time we were at Eastside Comedy Club, and I got there on a Sunday, and the guy who was the host of the show all weekend said, Jenny did four different hours.

00:48:51.000 He did two different hours on Friday night, and then two shows on Saturday night.

00:48:56.000 Totally different hours.

00:48:57.000 And they were all like, I want to quit comedy.

00:48:59.000 Another thing about him is that his energy is consistent all the way through.

00:49:03.000 A lot of guys, I'm that kind of guy where it's like, yeah, first 20 minutes, you're going to see me, I'm punching.

00:49:08.000 Then it's a lot of grappling, just holding the guy.

00:49:11.000 And I feel like for him, it was almost like, you're never going to wear me out.

00:49:16.000 You're going to get worn out before I even get tired.

00:49:19.000 So I respect that too.

00:49:21.000 No, he was a special comic that I don't think gets his due.

00:49:25.000 I was always a giant fan of his, but then one day I was coming home from the Irvine Improv, and you know how sometimes your Bluetooth on your phone just randomly syncs up and plays a track that's on your phone?

00:49:35.000 It played this Jenny bit.

00:49:37.000 And I was like, oh my god, that is so funny.

00:49:40.000 I forgot how funny it was.

00:49:41.000 And then I downloaded the whole album, and I just listened to it while I was driving.

00:49:46.000 So that was the beautiful thing that was available on Apple Music.

00:49:51.000 I just went and got it, downloaded it, and now I was listening to it on the way home.

00:49:57.000 Well, that's a perfect score because there's no better place to listen to comedy than when you're driving alone.

00:50:02.000 I feel like that's where it is your thing.

00:50:06.000 Yeah, if you're listening to comedy.

00:50:07.000 Like a long drive and you get to listen to some really tasty clips.

00:50:10.000 Yes, it's fun.

00:50:11.000 And especially if you're on your way to a gig.

00:50:13.000 It puts you in a good mood.

00:50:14.000 You get to the airport laughing.

00:50:16.000 Yeah.

00:50:17.000 Well...

00:50:19.000 The whole idea of the album now is so different than it was back in the day of like, you know, this is my album.

00:50:24.000 I'm going to sell it at the show and all that kind of stuff.

00:50:27.000 Physical copies of things.

00:50:29.000 I still feel like that's the best way, even though that's what I grew up on, listening to Carlin.

00:50:33.000 Well, Skanks for the Memories was a masterpiece.

00:50:37.000 Skanks for the Memories is an all-time classic comedy album. 0.99

00:50:40.000 I know you fucking hate compliments. 0.88

00:50:42.000 No, but I really wouldn't even put it in. 0.99

00:50:44.000 It's very funny.

00:50:45.000 A lot of people come up to me and ask me about it and all that kind of stuff, but I do know that I haven't put out a lot of stuff, but that was one of the things that definitely did click with the comedy audience.

00:50:54.000 It was fun.

00:50:55.000 You guys have always been pretty cool with me about that too, but do you feel like vinyl is the future or the past?

00:51:02.000 Because there's a lot of vinyl talk out there.

00:51:04.000 Well, the vinyl talk is fun because it's like someone who's an actual enthusiast who wants to sit down with a physical copy of something.

00:51:10.000 And it's so much better than owning a CD, right?

00:51:12.000 Because if they're both obsolete, which they kind of are, the thing about vinyl over a CD is you get a dope cover. 0.97

00:51:18.000 That was always a thing, like Kiss Alive 2, you know, whenever they're on the cover, like fucking yeah! 0.84

00:51:23.000 You remember that? 0.88

00:51:24.000 Double platinum was all silver.

00:51:26.000 This is wild!

00:51:27.000 Pictures inside, you would roll joints using the album.

00:51:30.000 That's how people would roll joints.

00:51:32.000 When I would go to Tower Records, you know, and like they would have like the comedy section, it was always like the Steve Martin and, you know, Richard Pryor, of course.

00:51:39.000 But then there was like all the weirds of Dr. Demento and all those like you're like looking at these things, like looking around, see if everybody's looking at you, you know?

00:51:47.000 I went to a gas stop once and I got these cassettes that were old Richard Pryor cassettes.

00:51:53.000 From Red Fox's Comedy Club in Los Angeles.

00:51:56.000 It was like someone just set up a microphone and started recording. 0.99

00:51:59.000 And Richard Pryor was like fucking around. 0.98

00:52:01.000 He was creating new bits. 1.00

00:52:03.000 He was talking shit. 1.00

00:52:03.000 He was drinking. 1.00

00:52:04.000 You could hear the clinking of the ice cubes in the glass.

00:52:07.000 Dude, it was amazing.

00:52:08.000 And that's the cassette, right?

00:52:10.000 Cassette.

00:52:10.000 And it was like a series of them.

00:52:11.000 There was like a few that you could get.

00:52:13.000 That's so awesome, dude.

00:52:15.000 I think...

00:52:17.000 Some guy sued somebody.

00:52:19.000 I think DePaulo was involved in this.

00:52:21.000 Like a bootleg? 1.00

00:52:22.000 Yeah, someone was like selling their shit at gas station. 1.00

00:52:26.000 They're like, why is my fucking shit for sale here? 1.00

00:52:28.000 Like, who's doing this? 1.00

00:52:29.000 It was like someone had cut a deal.

00:52:31.000 Right.

00:52:32.000 I don't think it was a bootleg.

00:52:33.000 I think someone had cut a sneaky deal and not let the comics in on it.

00:52:37.000 When you go to a truck stop and like, you know, you see their CDs and DVDs and it's like always Larry the Cable Guy, you know, they have all of his stuff.

00:52:44.000 And I was always like, Larry, you know, no one else has tapped this market.

00:52:47.000 You're the only guy here.

00:52:49.000 Honestly, dude.

00:52:50.000 Congratulations.

00:52:51.000 I was like, I was like impressed that like, this is like of all the things that they have here, you know, they got like all You know, I got a little cooler.

00:52:59.000 They got all these different things that are combined.

00:53:01.000 It's like they definitely need some tapes as they're rolling, you know, rolling through down the road.

00:53:05.000 Larry the Cable Guy is a good dude.

00:53:07.000 He is, and he's a merch, king of merch.

00:53:09.000 I always respected his merch, man.

00:53:12.000 He's always been a cool guy, but the merch, man, I was like, how do you do it?

00:53:16.000 I met him when he was Dan Whitney.

00:53:18.000 Dan, yes.

00:53:20.000 He put the work in, too.

00:53:22.000 He was just starting to become Larry the Cable Guy.

00:53:24.000 He just was doing that radio show down in Florida, and he would do that character, Larry the Cable Guy.

00:53:30.000 And he would do the, um, call into all the morning radios, and he'd have to do this, and I was like, man, this is tough.

00:53:36.000 It's like 6 in the morning, he's calling in, you know?

00:53:39.000 But he's always been a cool dude.

00:53:41.000 I met him in, like, 1993 or some shit in Montreal, and nobody knew who he was back then.

00:53:47.000 Just a normal guy.

00:53:48.000 Yeah.

00:53:48.000 He was a very normal guy.

00:53:49.000 That's where I met Stan Hope.

00:53:51.000 Ah.

00:53:53.000 Stan Hope and I, we had known each other, but that's, like, Montreal, like, we really, you know, uh, Bind, whatever, together.

00:54:01.000 I consider Doug still one of the best comics ever.

00:54:04.000 He's one of the best ever.

00:54:05.000 There's no one like him.

00:54:06.000 He's one of my favorite people alive.

00:54:08.000 I love him to death.

00:54:10.000 Doug is like the real deal. 0.99

00:54:12.000 All the good and all the amazing of a guy who doesn't give a shit. 0.99

00:54:19.000 He's free. 0.99

00:54:19.000 He is. 0.99

00:54:20.000 That's a great way to put it.

00:54:22.000 Genuinely free.

00:54:22.000 He's not pretending to be free.

00:54:24.000 He's free.

00:54:24.000 Yeah.

00:54:25.000 You know, and he's just a great guy.

00:54:27.000 And, you know, when I met Doug for the first time, I'd heard of Doug before I met him.

00:54:32.000 He was friends with Joey.

00:54:34.000 So that's how I met him.

00:54:35.000 I think I met him at...

00:54:37.000 So there was like a little show that they used to do on Sunset down the street from Dublin's.

00:54:44.000 It wasn't even Dublin's.

00:54:46.000 It was the one down the street from Dublin's.

00:54:48.000 I met them there.

00:54:48.000 Like an open mic?

00:54:49.000 No, it was like a show they would do.

00:54:51.000 I mean, it wasn't necessarily an open mic because everybody was on and was a professional.

00:54:55.000 But it was like a pop-in show.

00:54:57.000 Sort of how Dublin's was.

00:54:59.000 Remember when Dublin's was a pop-in show?

00:55:01.000 See, I never really was in L.A. on that scene.

00:55:04.000 But I always heard that that's the cool show.

00:55:06.000 That's where the... 0.98

00:55:07.000 We're like, you know, if you just want to fuck around, that's a cool show. 0.97

00:55:12.000 Dublin's was a fun show. 0.98

00:55:14.000 That was a fun show.

00:55:15.000 Dublin's was kind of what launched Dane Cook.

00:55:18.000 Right.

00:55:19.000 Yeah, he was killing it at Dublin's before he was killing it everywhere else.

00:55:22.000 And then it was like, they had Dublin's, they had that other club that was down the street from Dublin's, didn't last as long.

00:55:29.000 And then they had Sal's Comedy Hold.

00:55:32.000 Remember Sal's Comedy Hold?

00:55:33.000 I remember, yeah.

00:55:35.000 That was a good spot. 0.83

00:55:36.000 There's a bunch of little fuck-around good spots.

00:55:40.000 Would you ever do that Hermosa Beach Room?

00:55:42.000 I loved that room.

00:55:43.000 The Kami Magic Club?

00:55:44.000 I loved that room.

00:55:44.000 That's like a museum to Kami.

00:55:46.000 I hope it continues, right?

00:55:48.000 That's where Elena would work out his material.

00:55:51.000 That's where Gary Shandling would go.

00:55:53.000 All the big Tosh would come by.

00:55:56.000 I remember he always wanted it clean.

00:55:58.000 That was the thing of like, I'm trying to keep it clean here.

00:56:01.000 Yeah, but he let me go up.

00:56:02.000 Yeah, I went up too.

00:56:03.000 He didn't really care.

00:56:04.000 He let me go up.

00:56:05.000 He had a problem with Joey Diaz, though.

00:56:09.000 Sure.

00:56:09.000 But it wasn't just like his regulars.

00:56:12.000 He was like, my regulars just can't handle it.

00:56:15.000 Yeah, it's that beach culture.

00:56:16.000 And that's not always the funniest crowd.

00:56:18.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:56:18.000 Like when you live near such a, like, you know, you got a beautiful sunset.

00:56:21.000 You don't really need as many laughs.

00:56:23.000 It's when you live near like a tire fire, you know?

00:56:25.000 Right.

00:56:25.000 Well, they're wealthy people, too.

00:56:27.000 Hermosa Beach is a wealthy community.

00:56:29.000 But so is La Jolla, and that club's pretty wild.

00:56:33.000 The La Jolla Comedy Store, that's a fun place.

00:56:36.000 I also like Irvine. 0.99

00:56:38.000 Irvine's fucking great. 0.97

00:56:40.000 I love Irvine. 0.99

00:56:41.000 That improv's amazing.

00:56:43.000 I did that recently.

00:56:44.000 I did that with Monty Franklin a few months back.

00:56:48.000 I did it with Shane Gillis, too.

00:56:50.000 Shane's awesome, dude.

00:56:51.000 Oh my god, dude.

00:56:53.000 Doing shows at the Improv was one of the first times that I got to see Shane's set because he killed at the Vulcan, but we were in the green room and it was packed and you couldn't hear.

00:57:02.000 There's a monitor in there and you can listen, but there were so many people were talking and we were all having fun.

00:57:06.000 I didn't get a chance to see his sets, but then getting to work with him in Irvine, I got to see his whole set. 0.97

00:57:11.000 God damn, he's funny. 0.98

00:57:12.000 He's good. 0.99

00:57:13.000 He's so funny.

00:57:13.000 I see him in the city, so I only get to see small tastes of him, but it's always interesting stuff.

00:57:21.000 The guy never panders to anybody.

00:57:23.000 He knows what he wants to do when he does it.

00:57:25.000 It's just great writing, too.

00:57:27.000 He has this new bit about going to the George Washington Museum.

00:57:29.000 That's all I'm going to say about it. 0.98

00:57:31.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.96

00:57:33.000 It's so funny, dude. 0.99

00:57:35.000 There's so many...

00:57:38.000 I always go on so late.

00:57:41.000 The people who go on early, I never really get to see them, but when I do, I'm always like, whoa.

00:57:46.000 Do you like that?

00:57:47.000 Do you like going on late?

00:57:48.000 I like it for different reasons than people think.

00:57:51.000 I like it because I don't want to screw up the show for anybody who has to follow me in case I do something nuts or crazy.

00:57:58.000 Like what?

00:57:59.000 You know, in case I, like, trash the room, you know?

00:58:02.000 So I was always like, there's that.

00:58:03.000 I don't like bumping anybody.

00:58:04.000 I don't like, you know, I think in comedy there's a lot of bumping going on, and, like, I totally understand, like...

00:58:10.000 Is that still going on?

00:58:11.000 Well, I think that's, like, a big name comes in and they want to do some material that's cool, but, like, a lot of these young comics, you know, like, they're waiting around, like, you know, to go on.

00:58:21.000 It's like, I hate being the guy who, like, puts them back.

00:58:24.000 Yeah, that's not my thing.

00:58:26.000 There's that.

00:58:26.000 And then it's also, I think later, I feel like I'm more into the, you know, in the zone of it.

00:58:33.000 You know, like, I've done everything I had to do.

00:58:35.000 Now I can just do my, you know, hassle.

00:58:37.000 What time do you like to go up?

00:58:38.000 In the city, I'd say like one in the morning, you know.

00:58:41.000 Really?

00:58:42.000 That's your general set?

00:58:43.000 One to two, yeah.

00:58:44.000 That's the first set of the day is 1 a.m.

00:58:46.000 Yeah, sometimes.

00:58:47.000 I mean, like, sometimes I'll bounce before that, but usually it's like during the week, like on a Tuesday, Wednesday night, it's probably like 12.50, one in the morning, you know.

00:58:54.000 Wow, and then how many will you do?

00:58:57.000 Of that night?

00:58:58.000 That would be just one, like a taste.

00:59:01.000 But then on the weekend I'll do two or three, and late. 0.99

00:59:04.000 So you just like to do one show a night, fuck around? 0.92

00:59:07.000 Only if I have new stuff, otherwise I feel really bad about taking the stage time. 0.98

00:59:12.000 Something new to say, but I'll go on every night, but I'll force myself to do, even if it's like telling a joke different, I gotta get up there and try it.

00:59:20.000 It's amazing your, this humility that you have about that, about stage time.

00:59:25.000 It's because like every club would die to have you go up.

00:59:28.000 Joe, I can't live up.

00:59:29.000 Every audience would love to see it.

00:59:30.000 Like this is what's crazy.

00:59:31.000 It's like you're one of the best comics alive and you have this attitude like a middle act that doesn't want to fuck up the show for anybody.

00:59:38.000 I will say one thing, like, you know, when you go on the road and you go on early and it's like, you know, you're like, whoa, these people are, you know, they're not as like...

00:59:47.000 It's harder going on late.

00:59:49.000 I like the challenge, okay?

00:59:50.000 Especially since I'm old now and there's all these young people hitting with their killer 20. So I like to see if I can still, like, bring it, you know?

00:59:57.000 I guess that's kind of ego.

00:59:58.000 But when you go on early, then you're like...

01:00:01.000 Wow, this is a different type of tight.

01:00:03.000 Ouch.

01:00:04.000 And sometimes I'll go on early just to mix it up, but I feel late is where my stuff works best.

01:00:09.000 Well, you know, it's like you're rucking.

01:00:11.000 You're out there hiking the hills with weights on your back.

01:00:14.000 Oh, you think?

01:00:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:15.000 I'm training.

01:00:15.000 And then it goes to regular workouts.

01:00:17.000 You're flying through it, like a regular show.

01:00:21.000 Yeah, I'd say that like, you know, the cellar especially is built late.

01:00:24.000 Like, it feels better late than it does early.

01:00:26.000 But, you know, the crowds there, you get a lot of different, like, I guess you got that in LA too, where it's like, you got Euros, you got locals, you got people who, you know, I guess domestic tourists, you know, people coming all the way in from Arkansas.

01:00:38.000 So, you know, you get like, kind of like a buffet of audience.

01:00:42.000 Yeah.

01:00:42.000 And you get to see like, where it hits, where it doesn't, and all that kind of stuff.

01:00:45.000 So, there's good to that.

01:00:46.000 But at the end of the day, like, I always leave like, you know, what was that about?

01:00:49.000 I I can't believe they didn't get that, you know?

01:00:52.000 Comedy becomes a destination, right?

01:00:53.000 Well, that's what's going to happen with your club, man.

01:00:55.000 I mean, honestly, I bet you it's already sold out.

01:00:59.000 We don't have any tickets available yet.

01:01:00.000 It doesn't matter.

01:01:01.000 I can only imagine that first opening week.

01:01:03.000 It's going to be nuts.

01:01:04.000 It's going to be nuts, man.

01:01:06.000 It'll be fun.

01:01:07.000 It's exciting to be able to do something from the ground up.

01:01:10.000 And to have a community that's already here.

01:01:13.000 Because we've been doing so many shows already here.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:16.000 We've been having a lot of fun for the last two years.

01:01:19.000 And...

01:01:20.000 Will you, like, you know, well, you got to be there, like, the opening for sure.

01:01:25.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:01:26.000 Yeah, we're going to be there.

01:01:27.000 And it's definitely going to be...

01:01:28.000 I want you to come, too.

01:01:30.000 It's going to make the news, buddy.

01:01:31.000 Oh, no.

01:01:31.000 It's going to make the news.

01:01:32.000 Yeah.

01:01:32.000 Not the news.

01:01:34.000 This is going to be, like, one of those, like, you know, opening a club, anyhow, is so...

01:01:38.000 People don't get it.

01:01:39.000 It's not like a guarantee.

01:01:40.000 It's not like saying, like, you know, I'm going to throw into, you know, whatever, like, you know...

01:01:46.000 It's not just a bar.

01:01:48.000 There's more to it, and it's difficult, and it's really hard.

01:01:51.000 Yeah, it's complicated.

01:01:53.000 So I give you credit.

01:01:54.000 Hire good people.

01:01:55.000 Well, Adam's awesome. 0.78

01:01:56.000 Stay the fuck out of the way. 0.81

01:01:59.000 It's like being lucky enough to have guys like I want to show it to you after we get out of here. 0.98

01:02:03.000 I showed it to Louie, and he had some great notes.

01:02:06.000 We took his notes, and we added all those things that he suggested.

01:02:11.000 Sure.

01:02:11.000 And it's fun.

01:02:12.000 It's fun.

01:02:13.000 It's fun to be able to do it the right way.

01:02:15.000 You know, do it in a way we're coming from a good place.

01:02:17.000 Just trying to make a great comedy club.

01:02:20.000 The fact that you told me there's an area for the comics to hang, not every comic club has that.

01:02:24.000 I mean, back in the day, you know this, where it's like, is there a green room?

01:02:28.000 And they're like, yeah, we're going to pull this curtain, and it's where we keep the extra chairs.

01:02:34.000 So, you know, relax. 0.97

01:02:35.000 You've got to have a place to fuck around and talk to each other before the show, and get loose and laugh. 0.97

01:02:40.000 You've got to have a place to go over your notes. 0.97

01:02:42.000 You've got to have all those things.

01:02:44.000 And, you know, I mean, hey, thanks for doing it.

01:02:47.000 My pleasure.

01:02:49.000 Thanks for sticking with it, because the one thing I do respect the most is follow-through.

01:02:54.000 I mean, like, we all have great ideas.

01:02:56.000 Few people actually make them, you know, reality, so congrats.

01:03:00.000 Yeah, I'm a big fan of follow-through.

01:03:01.000 Super important. 0.99

01:03:02.000 And that feeling that you get when you're like, shit, why am I doing this? 0.99

01:03:05.000 Like, oh my god, you're alive! 0.99

01:03:07.000 Yay! 0.99

01:03:08.000 Yeah.

01:03:08.000 You're doing something exciting.

01:03:09.000 It's supposed to be risky.

01:03:11.000 It's supposed to be weird.

01:03:11.000 That's part of the fun.

01:03:13.000 You can't always want to be comfortable. 0.97

01:03:15.000 Everybody wants to be fucking comfortable all the time. 0.86

01:03:17.000 And I think that doing something like this is the best way to do it. 0.96

01:03:21.000 No pressure on it.

01:03:22.000 It's exciting.

01:03:23.000 It's only fun.

01:03:24.000 We're doing it the right way.

01:03:26.000 Building it the right way.

01:03:27.000 We've got awesome people.

01:03:28.000 Yeah.

01:03:28.000 It's exciting.

01:03:29.000 I think it's also the timing of it.

01:03:31.000 It's going to be perfect.

01:03:32.000 Well, comedy is now separated from the mass media of Hollywood.

01:03:38.000 It used to be that there was all these gatekeepers that got to tell you whether or not you were good or got to tell you whether or not you were accepted by this or accepted by that.

01:03:47.000 Really, the only gatekeeper should be the audience.

01:03:50.000 It should be like, do people like your stuff?

01:03:52.000 Are you funny? 0.93

01:03:52.000 Are you killing it? 0.93

01:03:53.000 Do you get the respect of your peers? 0.99

01:03:55.000 And if that's the case...

01:03:57.000 Then those are the people that are going to support you now.

01:04:00.000 So you're supported by all these podcast people like Gillis and Norman and Ari and Segura and Tony and there's all this fucking giant unity of this community of podcasters and Burt. 0.55

01:04:15.000 I never saw any of that coming. 0.87

01:04:16.000 Bert especially, he's another guy like you.

01:04:18.000 It's just like you guys are good to all of us and you're good for all of us.

01:04:21.000 He's a good person.

01:04:22.000 He's a genuinely good person.

01:04:24.000 Bert likes to party.

01:04:25.000 That's what he likes.

01:04:26.000 He likes everybody to have a good time.

01:04:27.000 The reason why he likes to party is he likes to have fun and to be in a good headspace and enjoy life.

01:04:34.000 He's another guy who really does make the most of it.

01:04:37.000 I appreciate that.

01:04:38.000 Yes, he works hard.

01:04:39.000 He does. 1.00

01:04:40.000 You know, he parties hard, but that motherfucker works his ass off. 1.00

01:04:43.000 His schedule's preposterous, and he's always doing a bunch of other shit, and now he's doing Something's Burning again. 0.99

01:04:47.000 I was actually just talking to Brian Simpson, and he was on his way over to film a new episode of Something's Burning, that cooking show that he had? 0.94

01:04:54.000 I did that with Gilbert, yeah.

01:04:55.000 Yeah.

01:04:55.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:04:57.000 And I did a couple of dates on his tour.

01:05:00.000 He was doing, I guess, a small outdoor tour.

01:05:02.000 And we were hitting all these, I guess you could say, ball fields and small venue, outdoor kind of thing.

01:05:10.000 It was a lot of fun.

01:05:11.000 And it was also, I never really worked with him like that.

01:05:13.000 And he was so like, I go, hey, can I do this?

01:05:16.000 I don't want to step on him because he has to close after, you know how it is, after five acts.

01:05:20.000 You know, everybody's like, you know, up there going, blowing the light, and he still has the clothes.

01:05:24.000 I was like, I don't want to step on him, you know?

01:05:26.000 And he's like, do whatever you want to do.

01:05:28.000 His crowd was super cool.

01:05:30.000 And, you know, it's just funny to see a guy like him, like, own the stage.

01:05:35.000 Like, it's outdoors.

01:05:36.000 He's got no shirt on.

01:05:37.000 It's a half full ball field.

01:05:39.000 You know, it's like, this looks right.

01:05:41.000 I don't know why, but it looks right.

01:05:43.000 It's perfect.

01:05:43.000 And it's his idea.

01:05:44.000 Just like it was his idea to do the drive-in movie shows.

01:05:47.000 With cars.

01:05:48.000 That was his idea, too.

01:05:49.000 I only did...

01:05:50.000 How many of those did you do?

01:05:51.000 I didn't do any of them.

01:05:52.000 Oh, my God.

01:05:52.000 I did zero.

01:05:53.000 I did two of them.

01:05:54.000 And I brought...

01:05:55.000 You know Jay Oakerson, right?

01:05:56.000 Yeah.

01:05:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:57.000 He's a good friend of mine.

01:05:58.000 I love Jay.

01:05:58.000 Great friend of mine.

01:05:59.000 So we did one in D.C. And I said, this is like...

01:06:03.000 You know, Red Dawn, like the re-education camp?

01:06:06.000 You know, that scene where it's like, boys, avenge me!

01:06:09.000 I felt like we were playing to a crowd that they just wanted us to get done, and then we would give them bottles of water.

01:06:16.000 Here's your supplies.

01:06:17.000 It was really apocalyptic.

01:06:20.000 It was really cool.

01:06:21.000 That was the early days.

01:06:22.000 People were scared to be around people.

01:06:24.000 But that was funny.

01:06:24.000 I was like, hey, I'm just glad I got it.

01:06:26.000 And my opener who went on, I was like laughing, like, look at this guy.

01:06:30.000 Oh my God, look at him chewing up there.

01:06:32.000 And then it was my turn and I was like, oh no, now I'm in the blender.

01:06:35.000 Oh, this is terrible.

01:06:36.000 Oh my God, I apologize.

01:06:37.000 I screamed to him, I apologize.

01:06:40.000 That's hilarious.

01:06:40.000 Were people honking for laughs?

01:06:42.000 Honking.

01:06:43.000 They were tailgating, and I always say, like, I pop the hood.

01:06:49.000 That's like a stand to go when you let the hood up.

01:06:52.000 But still, it was just like, it's cool.

01:06:54.000 Only comedy would do that.

01:06:55.000 Every other form of entertainment, it's like, oh, it's not safe yet.

01:06:59.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:07:00.000 We're out there doing it.

01:07:02.000 Well, they're all connected to the music industry.

01:07:05.000 They had to have real strict regulations on some of the places.

01:07:08.000 Some of those people. 0.99

01:07:09.000 They're all insured and shit. 1.00

01:07:11.000 There's a lot going on there. 0.99

01:07:12.000 It's not going on with a comic.

01:07:14.000 All you need is a microphone and someone willing to sit in their car and listen to jokes.

01:07:19.000 But it's so funny when you're on that stage and there's all these headlights and you hear that generator just going behind you.

01:07:24.000 You're like, this is not good.

01:07:25.000 It's like a FEMA camp right here.

01:07:28.000 But we're so hungry for comedy that we'll do it anyway.

01:07:31.000 Yeah, the people came.

01:07:32.000 You know, give it to them.

01:07:33.000 Give it up for them.

01:07:34.000 I was very fortunate to do those shows with Chappelle at Stubbs during the pandemic.

01:07:39.000 So we did that on a regular basis.

01:07:41.000 That was amazing what he put together like that.

01:07:43.000 Oh my god.

01:07:43.000 I mean, really.

01:07:44.000 Brilliant.

01:07:45.000 Brilliant idea.

01:07:46.000 Test everybody.

01:07:47.000 Test everybody.

01:07:47.000 Even if you lose money, who cares?

01:07:49.000 Let's do comedy.

01:07:50.000 That was so awesome that he did that.

01:07:52.000 And I knew people, like I would run into comedy fans and go, I drove six hours to see this, 12 hours to go see this show.

01:08:00.000 And like, you know, I really needed it.

01:08:02.000 And that was really, honestly, tip of the hat to Dave, you know, for putting that all together.

01:08:07.000 Yeah, well, it was genius when he first started it in Ohio.

01:08:11.000 He did it at the Outdoor Wedding Chapel.

01:08:13.000 He did it there.

01:08:13.000 Genius.

01:08:14.000 And then he takes it from the cornfields and says, let's just bring it to Austin for a while.

01:08:19.000 So we did a shitload of shows in Austin, man.

01:08:22.000 That was fun.

01:08:23.000 And outdoor comedy is not that, it's hard.

01:08:27.000 It's really hard to be outdoors and doing comedy.

01:08:29.000 It really doesn't fit that well.

01:08:31.000 But the people were so enthusiastic.

01:08:32.000 They were so happy just to be out.

01:08:35.000 And it was cold some nights.

01:08:37.000 Some nights we'd go on stage with coats on, like winter coats.

01:08:39.000 It was like 35 degrees outside.

01:08:41.000 But outdoor during the day, that's like, oh man.

01:08:44.000 Yeah, just forget about it.

01:08:46.000 Forget about it.

01:08:47.000 At least at night they're drunk and it's dark and they feel like a little bit, you know, people like to be in the dark when they laugh.

01:08:53.000 They don't want to be in a brightly lit room and laugh.

01:08:55.000 They're too self-conscious.

01:08:56.000 Yeah, I guess the only place I need to do comedy now would be on a cruise ship.

01:09:01.000 I've never done that.

01:09:02.000 Have you done that?

01:09:03.000 No.

01:09:04.000 Yeah.

01:09:04.000 I feel like I've got some time.

01:09:06.000 Like, I'm almost there but not there yet.

01:09:08.000 The cruise ship years.

01:09:09.000 The cruise ship, if you're into cruise ships, I would imagine that would be a good time.

01:09:13.000 I know Alonzo Bowden does, like, jazz cruises.

01:09:17.000 Yeah?

01:09:17.000 You know, Alonzo's like a jazz fanatic.

01:09:20.000 Oh, that's cool. 1.00

01:09:21.000 Jazz shows and shit. 0.98

01:09:22.000 I would imagine if you were doing something like that. 0.98

01:09:25.000 Like, I know that those guys, the prank show.

01:09:29.000 Yes.

01:09:30.000 I know you're talking about the guys.

01:09:33.000 Impractical Jokers.

01:09:34.000 They have a mega cruise.

01:09:36.000 They have a thing.

01:09:36.000 And they do comedy on those things, too.

01:09:39.000 I mean, it's not like I'm dying to do it, but I figure eventually, you know, that's kind of where comedy always leads to the ocean.

01:09:44.000 You know, it's the reason it comes down.

01:09:46.000 It leads to the ocean.

01:09:47.000 You get banned from the country. 1.00

01:09:49.000 You have to go into international waters and talk shit. 0.98

01:09:51.000 But it would be like, you know, my always fear was like people like, well, why didn't you do it? 0.98

01:09:54.000 I go, well, I don't know, just being, you know, like, what if you bomb and then you're trapped with those people for two days and three nights, you know, like, yeah, it'd be tough, you know, stay in your cabin.

01:10:06.000 Not only that, if they're mad, you can throw you off.

01:10:08.000 Yeah.

01:10:09.000 Throw you off the boat.

01:10:10.000 A lot of things happen on those boats, you know.

01:10:13.000 There's always like a husband and a wife that get in a fight.

01:10:16.000 Yeah, only one comes back.

01:10:17.000 Only one comes back.

01:10:19.000 It's generally the husband that comes back.

01:10:21.000 He's like, I don't know what happened.

01:10:22.000 I don't know.

01:10:22.000 She was a strong swimmer.

01:10:24.000 I don't know what happened.

01:10:25.000 Keep looking. 0.99

01:10:26.000 Can you imagine going out that way, getting dropped off a cruise ship in the middle of the fucking ocean? 1.00

01:10:30.000 Like, holy fuck. 1.00

01:10:31.000 That's the scariest. 1.00

01:10:32.000 What a scary way to die.

01:10:33.000 You see it slowly going away from you.

01:10:34.000 And they'll never find you.

01:10:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:36.000 They'll never find you.

01:10:37.000 Man, this is grim.

01:10:38.000 That's a grim one.

01:10:39.000 Yeah.

01:10:40.000 Yeah.

01:10:40.000 Yeah, the ocean is so strange, man, because it's just, most of it's nothing.

01:10:45.000 Most of it's not even sharks.

01:10:47.000 Most of it's empty.

01:10:48.000 It's only like within the few hundred miles of the coasts everywhere that is really all the life.

01:10:53.000 That's why that, you know anything about the sea turtle?

01:10:55.000 Do you know anything about it?

01:10:56.000 I know it's a big animal-heavy show today, but the sea turtle, like, they have, like, a really horrible life, you know?

01:11:02.000 It's not a good life.

01:11:03.000 Like, they're, like, swimming around, like, in the middle of the ocean, like the dead zone, they call it, like, just swimming around, like, oh, there's a twig over there, let's go over there for a minute.

01:11:11.000 Like, that's, like, the highlight of their, you know, week.

01:11:13.000 But it's just, like, swimming around, nothing going on. 0.98

01:11:15.000 It sucks. 0.92

01:11:16.000 And you know what the worst is? 0.99

01:11:18.000 The moment they're hatched, it's like every day is Normandy.

01:11:22.000 Every day is storming the beach. 0.91

01:11:24.000 Most of them are going to die.

01:11:25.000 So they're making their way to the ocean.

01:11:27.000 They're getting stolen out by crabs. 0.99

01:11:28.000 You ever see a crab take a fucking turtle? 0.99

01:11:32.000 Crab, which is smaller than the baby turtle, picks up this baby turtle and walks away with it. 1.00

01:11:37.000 Wow.

01:11:37.000 It's like pulling the baby turtle away.

01:11:39.000 See if you can find that.

01:11:40.000 Crab murders baby turtle.

01:11:42.000 Or crab attacks baby turtle.

01:11:44.000 It's wild.

01:11:45.000 It picks it up and carries it away.

01:11:47.000 I've only seen the birds really enjoy it. 1.00

01:11:51.000 Birds fuck them up. 1.00

01:11:53.000 But crabs steal them. 1.00

01:11:55.000 Oh, oh. 1.00

01:11:55.000 Look at this shit. 1.00

01:11:58.000 Oh God, that's terrible. 1.00

01:11:59.000 They just drag them away. 0.88

01:12:00.000 Pinch them by their head and drag them away. 0.86

01:12:01.000 Oh my God. 0.97

01:12:02.000 Look at that.

01:12:03.000 Crabs are monsters, dude. 0.66

01:12:04.000 Look at that.

01:12:05.000 Look, he's just eating it alive.

01:12:06.000 Pulling off chunks of it and eating it and drags it into its hole.

01:12:09.000 Oh man. 1.00

01:12:11.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

01:12:11.000 Crabs scare the shit out of me. 1.00

01:12:12.000 We're really lucky they're smaller than us. 0.94

01:12:15.000 God, that's the only reason why they're alive.

01:12:16.000 I mean, at one point in time, they had to be bigger than us. 0.95

01:12:18.000 We killed them off.

01:12:19.000 Yeah, you know... 1.00

01:12:24.000 Can you imagine like fucking, what's that? 0.99

01:12:27.000 What's the fucking Starship Troopers? 1.00

01:12:30.000 Giant bugs? 1.00

01:12:31.000 Yes.

01:12:31.000 I imagine that stuff all the time.

01:12:33.000 Because I was watching that like, you know, the day the dinosaurs died.

01:12:37.000 This is like the kind of guy I am with these documentaries.

01:12:39.000 And it's like, you know, whatever.

01:12:41.000 Everything was gigantic, you know?

01:12:43.000 And then the asteroid came and kind of reset the whole, like, you know, order of the who's going to be who.

01:12:47.000 And I was like, man, can you imagine this, like, walking around and it's just like everything is, like, towering over you and your food to everything.

01:12:54.000 It's like, oh, man, this would be crazy.

01:12:55.000 But they never figured anything out, which is really fascinating.

01:12:58.000 With the asteroid?

01:12:59.000 No, no, no.

01:13:00.000 I mean, like dinosaurs.

01:13:01.000 They never got super intelligent like people.

01:13:03.000 That's the real question.

01:13:04.000 It's like, what was the thing that made the primates become a human being?

01:13:08.000 Because if you look at what happened to dinosaurs, they just stayed dinosaurs.

01:13:11.000 They got effective at staying alive, and then there was no reason to improve.

01:13:16.000 I mean, I don't understand natural selection.

01:13:18.000 This is just me talking.

01:13:19.000 I agree with that.

01:13:20.000 But you know what I'm saying?

01:13:20.000 It's like they never...

01:13:21.000 As far as we know, they never built structures.

01:13:24.000 They never developed cell phones.

01:13:26.000 As far as we know, we haven't found that yet.

01:13:29.000 Imagine we found out they were really smart.

01:13:30.000 A paleontologist is like...

01:13:32.000 They had computers and everything.

01:13:33.000 But when I was a kid and we would go to the Natural History Museum and we'd see the big dinosaur and everything, I was into that, but then I hit that age where I was like, boring, I don't care about dinosaurs, I don't care about robots, let's see some robots.

01:13:45.000 And then we'd go back and now I'm like an adult, I'm like, oh yeah, I kind of see what they're talking about because he's got the vertebrae.

01:13:53.000 I guess you get smarter when you get older.

01:13:54.000 You have more time to think about stuff.

01:13:56.000 Yeah, I brought my kids to the museum in New York a few years back. 0.98

01:13:59.000 They didn't give a fuck about those dinosaurs. 0.96

01:14:01.000 There's just too much stimulus for them now. 0.99

01:14:03.000 They're like, oh yeah, big.

01:14:04.000 Big thing.

01:14:05.000 Even D.C., you ever go to all those great museums?

01:14:07.000 You know, they've got all those amazing museums.

01:14:09.000 And it's like, after an hour, you're like, okay, well, you know, I got it.

01:14:13.000 The Vatican was the wildest one for me.

01:14:15.000 No way.

01:14:16.000 Have you been to that?

01:14:16.000 No.

01:14:16.000 It's wild.

01:14:18.000 In Vatican City?

01:14:20.000 Yeah, in Rome.

01:14:21.000 Oh, tell me.

01:14:22.000 Tell me about it.

01:14:22.000 I'm into that.

01:14:23.000 It's billions of dollars in art.

01:14:26.000 It's bananas how much art there is.

01:14:28.000 Wow.

01:14:28.000 You're walking through, they give you this guided tour, and you're walking through all this incredible art from 1,000 years ago, 1,500 years ago, 1,200 years ago.

01:14:38.000 There's a fucking Egyptian obelisk in the center of this town court area. 0.97

01:14:42.000 Really? 1.00

01:14:43.000 Where the Vatican is.

01:14:43.000 It's a giant Egyptian obelisk.

01:14:45.000 How did you get this here?

01:14:47.000 How do they do that?

01:14:49.000 Is it like a club?

01:14:50.000 Do they wand you?

01:14:51.000 Like when you go in?

01:14:51.000 Is it like that kind of a scene?

01:14:53.000 No, you have to...

01:14:54.000 I mean, it's a tourist trap, right?

01:14:55.000 So everybody goes to the Vatican.

01:14:56.000 They have all these tourists to the Vatican.

01:14:58.000 And they just guide you through the Vatican.

01:15:00.000 You get to look at all this artwork.

01:15:02.000 Why?

01:15:02.000 It's a sovereign nation within the whole thing.

01:15:06.000 Within Rome.

01:15:06.000 They can make their own laws.

01:15:08.000 They got their own money, whatever they got.

01:15:09.000 You can't extradite people.

01:15:10.000 Really?

01:15:11.000 Yeah.

01:15:11.000 Oh, sanctuary.

01:15:12.000 So if you get in trouble, wink, wink, you know.

01:15:14.000 You head over there.

01:15:14.000 Sometimes you've heard priests get in trouble.

01:15:16.000 Yeah.

01:15:17.000 Yeah, that's what they do.

01:15:18.000 Yeah.

01:15:18.000 They stick them over there.

01:15:19.000 They hide them.

01:15:20.000 And then you can't go anywhere.

01:15:21.000 And they can't take you out of there.

01:15:23.000 But it's a great place to live.

01:15:24.000 Do they have all pictures of the Popes?

01:15:27.000 I'm sure they do.

01:15:29.000 I didn't see it all.

01:15:30.000 One thing they did have in the center of this area is this huge pine cone.

01:15:34.000 That's how me and this guy bonded.

01:15:36.000 He's like, do you know the significance of the pine cone?

01:15:38.000 I said, the pineal gland, right?

01:15:40.000 He's like, yes.

01:15:41.000 Wow.

01:15:42.000 And he was like, oh, he got into it.

01:15:43.000 I go, so this is like a psychedelic drug reference.

01:15:46.000 He goes, yes.

01:15:46.000 He goes, it's probably what it was.

01:15:48.000 They're not exactly sure but there's some significance to this gland that they thought at one point in time was like the seed of the soul and that this gland is like the third eye.

01:16:00.000 On reptiles it actually has a retina or a lens.

01:16:03.000 It's like placed where the third eye would be in Eastern mysticism and so that gland is always thought to have these magical properties.

01:16:11.000 Do you think they used like hallucinogenic psychotic drugs during their ceremonies?

01:16:16.000 I think they did.

01:16:17.000 I think they did.

01:16:18.000 I think they did.

01:16:18.000 And that's the subject of a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross.

01:16:22.000 This guy, John Marco Allegro, who was hired to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls.

01:16:28.000 Yeah.

01:16:28.000 And this was like a project that took like 14 years, and they were like looking at this, the oldest version of the Bible.

01:16:34.000 And at the end of this, this guy was like an ordained minister, but he became agnostic as he's studying theology, and he found the similarities in all these different stories.

01:16:41.000 And he came up with this theory, and he wrote this book called The Sacred Mushroom on the Cross, that the entire Christian religion was really about the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.

01:16:54.000 Really?

01:16:54.000 And that all these stories had to do, they were all like ways they hid these ancient ways.

01:16:59.000 So if they got like raided by the Romans and like they, if you imagine if some people lived, you know, 3,000, 4,000 years ago and they found a bunch of mushrooms and they started eating We're all going to come together and be together as one, be loving.

01:17:14.000 And they wrote down all these ideas and these stories, and they first of all passed them down orally before they even figured out how to write things for like a thousand years.

01:17:21.000 And then they started writing them down.

01:17:22.000 Like that sounds like what the story would be.

01:17:26.000 And he traced back the word Jesus to an ancient Sumerian word that means a mushroom covered in God's semen.

01:17:34.000 No way.

01:17:35.000 Yes.

01:17:36.000 Really?

01:17:36.000 See, it's hard for me to know who's right and who's wrong, right?

01:17:40.000 Because if you wanted to break that down, you'd have to have this very complex understanding of these ancient languages, and there's no way I can know if he's right.

01:17:49.000 I didn't even know mushrooms were like—I thought it was like a regional thing.

01:17:52.000 No, but they were all over the world.

01:17:54.000 I thought it was like North America, Europe.

01:17:55.000 I didn't know it was like everywhere.

01:17:56.000 I didn't know that.

01:17:57.000 Well, they're definitely all over the world.

01:17:58.000 And there's psychedelic compounds that are all over the world.

01:18:01.000 There's certain places where they haven't found use of psychedelic compounds, where there's not like an extended history of use.

01:18:07.000 But there's stuff like the ayahuasca and the Amazon, thousands of years, thousands and thousands of years.

01:18:12.000 Mushrooms in Mexico.

01:18:13.000 I think that we do it, of course, like for the party of it.

01:18:17.000 Like very few people do it for like this enlightening thing.

01:18:20.000 But back in the day, it was like for tea.

01:18:23.000 Like they would make it into a tea.

01:18:24.000 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 And that became like, let's say you were sick or like you said, you were heading on a vision or something like that.

01:18:31.000 But like the way we do any kind of drug now is really not how it was done or why it was done back then.

01:18:37.000 I know that.

01:18:38.000 You know what happened? 1.00

01:18:38.000 They poured water on all that shit in the 60s. 1.00

01:18:41.000 The 60s and the 70s. 1.00

01:18:43.000 Uh-huh.

01:18:43.000 When they made all psychedelic drugs illegal in, I think it was 1970, this sweeping psychedelics act, they put everybody in jail.

01:18:51.000 They started raiding people.

01:18:53.000 They clamped down on people.

01:18:55.000 And marijuana arrests, all that.

01:18:57.000 You'd go to jail in some places for the rest of your life if you got caught selling marijuana.

01:19:01.000 So it was a scary-ass time, and they put the kibosh on what drugs were.

01:19:05.000 Because before then, for most of history, people have used all kinds of drugs.

01:19:10.000 They've used opium.

01:19:11.000 They've used cannabis.

01:19:14.000 They've used mushrooms.

01:19:15.000 And in different cultures, they're a part of rituals that they would do.

01:19:19.000 And this guy, Brian Mirorescu, they actually opened up a field of study at Harvard about this particular subject because of his work.

01:19:28.000 He found that the ancient Greeks, that what they were doing when they had these enlightenment ceremonies, they all get together and talk, and what was it called?

01:19:40.000 Lucidian mysteries?

01:19:41.000 Yes, that's how you say it.

01:19:43.000 They found that they had psychedelic compounds in all their wine.

01:19:47.000 Oh, really?

01:19:48.000 So when they were drinking wine, they were talking about wine, their wine had, like, drugs in it.

01:19:52.000 Really?

01:19:53.000 So they were tripping balls while they were drinking wine.

01:19:55.000 No idea.

01:19:56.000 I knew that wine was, like, pretty much the only safe drink, you know, because I've been...

01:20:00.000 Right, right, right.

01:20:01.000 I love those documentaries, like, you know, that was the only, like, type of water that they would drink because everything else was, like, you know, people bathed in it, you know, the animals, you know, whatever in it.

01:20:11.000 So that wine was really the way...

01:20:13.000 Because everybody's like, oh, they were drunk all the time.

01:20:15.000 It's like, no, they were just trying to be safe, you know?

01:20:17.000 Yeah.

01:20:17.000 Yeah, well, then that's how they figured out how to be safe.

01:20:19.000 They would drink beer.

01:20:20.000 They would drink beer and wine.

01:20:22.000 Yeah.

01:20:23.000 But these guys were just...

01:20:24.000 What Mero Rescu is saying is that, like, in these ceremonies, when they're talking about wine, all their wine they mixed with stuff.

01:20:31.000 They mixed with different herbs and spices, and they would also mix with psychedelics, and they mixed with ergot.

01:20:37.000 So they're mixing their wine with this stuff that is a compound that causes psychedelic visions.

01:20:42.000 It's very similar to LSD. So they found this stuff in these wine vessels.

01:20:47.000 So now they have definitive proof that these people are doing this.

01:20:51.000 So now they're going over all these fables and stories and all these different ways.

01:20:56.000 Oh, yeah, I get it.

01:20:56.000 This is how they figured out democracy.

01:20:58.000 I mean, democracy came from these conversations.

01:21:01.000 I totally get that now. 0.98

01:21:03.000 They were tripping balls! 0.95

01:21:04.000 But LSD, that's all man-made, right? 0.98

01:21:06.000 Well, LSD is...

01:21:07.000 But there's a natural equivalent version of it.

01:21:10.000 There's natural compounds like ergot.

01:21:13.000 Let's see what's the difference between ergot and LSD. Ergot can kill you, too, though.

01:21:17.000 One of the things it does is it gets on rye, and when there's frosts, And the rye gets like an early frost, and then when it comes back from the frost, a lot of times it's poisoned by ergot in places where that stuff exists. 0.99

01:21:34.000 And that shit is responsible for the 1950s. 0.94

01:21:37.000 There was like ergot poisoning in this farm or this town in France where they had a similar thing. 0.99

01:21:43.000 And people started having visions of hell, and they thought they were dying.

01:21:47.000 They were all tripping balls, and some of them did die from the poisoning of it. 0.97

01:21:50.000 Ergot. 0.94

01:21:50.000 Ergot does not contain lysergic acid diethylamide, but instead contains lysergic acid as well as its precursor ergotamine. 0.94

01:22:03.000 So lysergic acid is a precursor for the synthesis of LSD. So it has some sort of LSD-like It says, thankfully, LSD hallucinations are very different from the fiery visions of poor ergot victims. 0.88

01:22:18.000 Wow.

01:22:19.000 Has somebody done that?

01:22:20.000 Like, anybody modern, like, anybody recently did?

01:22:23.000 Oh, that's a good question.

01:22:24.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 I don't know.

01:22:25.000 It seems dangerous.

01:22:26.000 Yeah.

01:22:26.000 Because a bunch of people, it's poisonous.

01:22:28.000 See, ergot, look at LSD's poisonous precursor.

01:22:31.000 So it, the people, Google 1950s farm France visions of hell.

01:22:39.000 So they got ergot poisoning and people started seeing like demons and hellfire and a bunch of people died.

01:22:46.000 Amazing.

01:22:47.000 It was real bad.

01:22:48.000 It was real bad where people were poisoned by it.

01:22:51.000 Worse than coronavirus, this mysterious illness drove many to hell in the 1950s.

01:23:08.000 Of course.

01:23:09.000 Of course. 1.00

01:23:10.000 Holy fuck, man. 1.00

01:23:12.000 Yeah, there you go. 1.00

01:23:13.000 Some of them had tried to throw themselves out of their windows to stop the imagination.

01:23:18.000 Almost 300 people in the region were taken to hospitals and five died and 60 people ended up in psychiatric wards.

01:23:25.000 But the suffering did not stop easily for many as some of the affected people again started to hallucinate the visions of hell almost a month later.

01:23:34.000 So it was the rye.

01:23:35.000 Yeah, and it killed some of them.

01:23:37.000 So while many medical experts and historians claim that such mental health issues could have occurred due to rye ergot fungus, a parasite that latches onto rye crops and also wheat, barley, oats, and wild grains, in today's world this mysterious ill still sparks debate in the medical world.

01:23:55.000 But it makes sense if they could do a core sample, if they could do some sort of sample and find ergot or find that there was at least evidence of the environment where ergot could grow well.

01:24:05.000 What a cool name, Hellfire.

01:24:06.000 So that's also responsible for the, they think, the Salem witch trials.

01:24:11.000 Yeah.

01:24:11.000 Same sort of thing.

01:24:13.000 Yeah.

01:24:13.000 Which is pretty crazy.

01:24:16.000 It's cool to look at these events with this kind of knowledge.

01:24:20.000 Oh, there it is.

01:24:20.000 Historians and chemists claim the Greeks were using ergot as a chemical weapon and a psychoactive drug during the celebrations of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which were the secret rituals of the Mystery School of Ulysses and were observed regularly from 1600 BCE to 392 CE. Wow.

01:24:42.000 Wow. 1.00

01:24:43.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:24:44.000 Wow. 1.00

01:24:45.000 That's crazy.

01:24:46.000 So they did that for almost 2,000 years. 0.91

01:24:48.000 So for almost 2,000 years, they were tripping balls.

01:24:50.000 How do you come down off of that? 0.96

01:24:52.000 I mean, honestly.

01:24:52.000 Well, I think the Romans put the kibosh on it.

01:24:54.000 I think what happens is the leaders put the kibosh on it.

01:24:57.000 And with Murrow Rescue's work, the book's called The Immortality Key.

01:25:01.000 It's amazing.

01:25:02.000 I listened to the audio version of it, and Brian does the reading of it, which is fantastic because he's a A great orator.

01:25:10.000 Nobody knows more about this subject than he does.

01:25:12.000 But he said that they moved to other European countries.

01:25:16.000 There's evidence that they had these rituals in other places when they got kicked out of Greece.

01:25:22.000 Wow.

01:25:23.000 I can't believe that. 1.00

01:25:25.000 Wild shit, right? 1.00

01:25:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:25:26.000 I really didn't know there was anything like LSD because I've always thought that that was kind of the top rung of whatever. 0.99

01:25:35.000 But yeah, of course, it has to...

01:25:37.000 The idea has to come from somewhere, you know?

01:25:39.000 Well, you know, Albert Hoffman found LSD. I think they were working on a drug to induce labor.

01:25:46.000 No way.

01:25:47.000 Yeah, I think the drug was being developed to induce labor in pregnant women. 0.91

01:25:55.000 And then he was working with it. 0.97

01:25:57.000 I know I'm fucking this up. 0.81

01:25:58.000 I'm sorry if people are listening. 0.99

01:26:00.000 But he was working with it, and I think he got it on his hands, and then he went on a bike ride home, and he realized he was tripping balls. 0.98

01:26:07.000 Wow.

01:26:08.000 And figured out, I think from that bike ride, that he had figured something out, and that he had created this thing.

01:26:15.000 And that's LSD. I know they use it for the PTSD. They use it for a lot of things.

01:26:19.000 There's a lot of therapeutic ways to use the drugs.

01:26:23.000 So, unfortunately, I think you've got to go.

01:26:25.000 Is it legal here yet or you've got to go to Mexico to do it?

01:26:28.000 I don't think it's legal here.

01:26:29.000 It's still Schedule 1. But I think that's also some of the shit they did with mind control experiments. 0.97

01:26:35.000 The MKUltra shit in the 1960s. 0.99

01:26:37.000 They used to give it to John's when they would go to brothels. 0.99

01:26:40.000 That's like the CIA... I saw that guy jumping out the window.

01:26:45.000 Operation Midnight Climax.

01:26:47.000 I guess that's a whole other world of intrigue. 0.95

01:26:52.000 They would hire prostitutes to give these guys LSD. So these guys would go to these whorehouses thinking they're just going to have some fun. 0.85

01:26:59.000 And then all of a sudden they're dosed up with LSD and people are watching them through two-way windows.

01:27:05.000 I guess they were trying to figure out a way to break a guy to get his secrets, right?

01:27:11.000 I think they were doing that.

01:27:13.000 I think they tried it as a truth serum, and then they were going to use it to interrogate people on, and then it didn't really work that way.

01:27:19.000 And then they were trying to use it to program people's minds, and they did a bunch of experiments with that.

01:27:25.000 That's Timothy McVeigh.

01:27:27.000 No, not Timothy McVeigh.

01:27:29.000 Leary.

01:27:30.000 Timothy Leary?

01:27:31.000 Ted Kaczynski.

01:27:32.000 Ted Kaczynski.

01:27:33.000 That guy was a part of the Harvard LSD studies.

01:27:36.000 Oh, well, that makes some sense, right?

01:27:38.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:27:39.000 They cooked his fucking noggin. 1.00

01:27:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:41.000 I think they cooked a lot of people's noggins. 0.94

01:27:43.000 Wow.

01:27:43.000 Now, would you, if this something was like where you're like, you know, I could, you can't do it recreationally, right?

01:27:50.000 You got to do it like, you know, like with an expert with you.

01:27:53.000 Yeah, I think if in a perfect world we would have centers where you could go and you could do psychedelics under medical supervision with people who are experts who know the right dose, who have a comfortable setting and have medical staff on hand in case anything goes sideways.

01:28:11.000 That's what you're supposed to do. 0.91

01:28:12.000 If you just do an acid that you got from some guy who works at the gas station, who fucking knows what's gonna happen. 0.96

01:28:18.000 Well, I missed that whole boat, I guess.

01:28:21.000 But I would definitely see how the LSD, like, I just heard it's like, one of those things like, you want to quit smoking?

01:28:26.000 LSD. You want to do this?

01:28:27.000 LSD. Like, that's really the way to go, you know?

01:28:30.000 Mushrooms seem to have a similar effect.

01:28:32.000 So there's something that I haven't done.

01:28:34.000 It's supposed to be real rough, though.

01:28:36.000 It's called Ibogaine.

01:28:37.000 And Ibogaine is from the aboga tree, and it's apparently the best thing ever for getting people to quit any bad habits.

01:28:46.000 Really?

01:28:46.000 Yeah.

01:28:46.000 Yeah, if you've got an addiction to whatever the fuck it is, especially like hard stuff like pills, opiates and stuff.

01:28:54.000 From pills to porn. 0.99

01:28:55.000 Yeah, all the above.

01:28:56.000 But it's apparently like ruthlessly introspective and it lasts a long time and it's very uncomfortable for people.

01:29:02.000 Is that a South American thing too?

01:29:04.000 You can get that in Mexico for sure.

01:29:06.000 I know there's a lot of people that go down to Mexico to have those experiences because it's illegal in America for whatever reason.

01:29:12.000 But it does something to actually reprogram your brain.

01:29:17.000 Google that.

01:29:18.000 How does Ibogaine reprogram your brain to bypass addiction or to cure addiction?

01:29:25.000 I think it just gives you an understanding of where it's coming from, like where your impulsive, ridiculous, self-destructive, I have to gamble every day, where is that coming from?

01:29:34.000 And it shows you where it's coming from in some way.

01:29:37.000 Ibogaine may work in reversing the effects of opiates on gene expression, with resulting impacts on neuroreceptors, returning them to a pre-addiction condition, which is crazy.

01:29:50.000 Furthermore, addictive loops and pathways in the brain are reversed.

01:29:53.000 Wow.

01:29:54.000 Yeah, so...

01:29:56.000 That should be everywhere, right?

01:29:57.000 Should that be here?

01:29:58.000 If that was here, that would be a billion dollar business.

01:30:01.000 I mean, everybody would be taking that.

01:30:02.000 Everybody should be.

01:30:03.000 I mean, if you are a person who's addicted to opiates and there's a way that can actually, if that's true, stop the pathway and even reverse it, why aren't we encouraging that?

01:30:13.000 That seems like we have a giant problem in this country.

01:30:16.000 It's the number one thing that kills young people age 18 to 49 is fentanyl overdose.

01:30:22.000 Yeah.

01:30:23.000 That's some scary stuff. 0.99

01:30:24.000 Fucking terrifying, man. 0.98

01:30:26.000 Hey, do you know, let me ask you another question. 0.99

01:30:28.000 You know all this stuff, so what do you think of this cold therapy stuff?

01:30:31.000 You know what I'm talking about?

01:30:32.000 Like, we've all done the cold shower, but like, you know, there's people, it's almost like, you know, the cold will not only reset your brain, but it also, like, with your body, it sends, I don't even know what it does, but it seems like it would work, because I've taken, like, multiple cold showers, and I'm like,

01:30:47.000 I do feel like my brain is working better.

01:30:50.000 Yeah.

01:30:50.000 Like, what do you think of that stuff?

01:30:52.000 We do it.

01:30:53.000 We have one here if you want to do it.

01:30:54.000 You have a chill tank?

01:30:56.000 Yeah, a cold plunge.

01:30:57.000 Nice.

01:30:57.000 We've got this blue cube.

01:31:00.000 How long do you have to do that for that to really kick in?

01:31:02.000 You have to do that over...

01:31:04.000 It's got to be a lifestyle.

01:31:06.000 You've got to do that every day, right?

01:31:07.000 It's not going to happen one time.

01:31:08.000 It's good for a lifestyle.

01:31:09.000 That's why a cold plunge like a Morosco Forge or a Blue Cube, those are the best ways.

01:31:14.000 And there's some other companies, I'm sure, that make them.

01:31:17.000 That's the best way to do it because if you have something that's always cold, you can do it every day.

01:31:22.000 Otherwise, you're going to have to buy ice every day.

01:31:24.000 So unless you have an ice machine, if you have an ice machine, maybe that's the way.

01:31:27.000 But do you really think that that...

01:31:28.000 But it's not as cold.

01:31:29.000 Like, that's a great way to fight depression and all that kind of stuff?

01:31:33.000 It makes you feel really good.

01:31:34.000 It does.

01:31:35.000 Yeah, and a combination with that and a sauna is my absolute favorite.

01:31:38.000 Oh, yeah, that's a spritz.

01:31:39.000 Yeah, I love that.

01:31:40.000 That's cool.

01:31:41.000 To get in a nice hot sauna and then go right into the cold water and then you let your body warm up after the cold water.

01:31:47.000 Don't go in the sauna again.

01:31:48.000 Just let your body naturally warm up.

01:31:50.000 And that's where you get the most benefit out of it.

01:31:51.000 And you feel, whoa, afterwards.

01:31:53.000 Yeah.

01:31:53.000 Great.

01:31:54.000 But you are definitely awake after the cold.

01:31:56.000 A lot of people like to do it first thing in the morning.

01:31:59.000 I know guys who are doing that instead of a cold shower.

01:32:02.000 In fact, I think one of the Gracies did a video about it. 1.00

01:32:06.000 That would help me.

01:32:07.000 Yeah, it's a good way to get the morning going.

01:32:09.000 I think a lot of people do it now.

01:32:11.000 They just jump in there for a couple minutes.

01:32:12.000 You feel like you accomplished something, like you faced something that you didn't want to do.

01:32:16.000 And you're like, I did it.

01:32:17.000 Now the whole day's ahead of me. 0.98

01:32:18.000 Yeah, if you can get through three minutes of suck to start your day, the rest of the day's suck, it's going to be minor in comparison. 1.00

01:32:24.000 It's fucking cold in there, man. 1.00

01:32:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:32:26.000 It's hard. 0.99

01:32:27.000 You've got to just dig in and do it.

01:32:30.000 You've got to tighten up your bowels.

01:32:34.000 Yikes! 1.00

01:32:34.000 And then just fucking woo! 1.00

01:32:37.000 Yeah, that's another thing. 0.98

01:32:38.000 But if you do it on a regular basis, there's definitely benefits to it.

01:32:41.000 Definitely benefits to reducing inflammation and chemicals like this norepinephrine, I think, is what gets released.

01:32:50.000 You feel real good afterwards.

01:32:52.000 There's this guy, I guess he's the cold man, and he knows everything about that.

01:32:55.000 You mean the ice man?

01:32:56.000 The ice man, yeah.

01:32:57.000 I'm talking about a guy who sits in a bath of coal.

01:33:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:01.000 I think he has the world record for sitting in an ice bath, doesn't he?

01:33:04.000 He's the guy.

01:33:05.000 Something crazy. 0.99

01:33:06.000 He did like nine hours or some shit. 0.99

01:33:08.000 He's like, this is the answer to everything. 0.91

01:33:10.000 Yeah, what was his world record?

01:33:12.000 This guy, yeah.

01:33:13.000 Yeah, that's him. 0.95

01:33:16.000 That is fucking awesome. 0.97

01:33:17.000 Look at him. 0.99

01:33:18.000 Wim Hof. 1.00

01:33:19.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

01:33:19.000 And he's all about deep breathing exercises. 1.00

01:33:23.000 He's a powerful presence, too.

01:33:25.000 When you're around that guy, you get nervous.

01:33:27.000 Look at him with the iceberg.

01:33:30.000 He just climbs in water.

01:33:32.000 But it's all his breathing.

01:33:35.000 Yeah.

01:33:36.000 I mean, there's courses that he has online.

01:33:39.000 He teaches you his Wim Hof method of breathing.

01:33:42.000 Very interesting guy.

01:33:43.000 Very, very unusual.

01:33:45.000 There's not a whole lot of dudes like him.

01:33:46.000 That's something I should do.

01:33:49.000 But you smoke cigarettes.

01:33:50.000 I know.

01:33:51.000 Well, it would be some deep wheezing.

01:33:55.000 Wim Hof, oh my god. 0.83

01:33:57.000 One hour and 52 minutes.

01:33:58.000 One hour and 52 minutes and 42 seconds, something most people can only tolerate for a few seconds.

01:34:04.000 How cold was it?

01:34:05.000 That's like torture.

01:34:06.000 That's like what they do when they torture you.

01:34:08.000 How cold was the ice bath?

01:34:11.000 That's insane.

01:34:12.000 Oh man.

01:34:13.000 That's so long.

01:34:14.000 Look, he's getting a CAT scan.

01:34:18.000 Doesn't say how cold it was.

01:34:20.000 Like, his brain must be wired so differently now from, like, years of that.

01:34:24.000 Well, he traversed Mount Everest with sandals on.

01:34:29.000 I'm not kidding.

01:34:30.000 Really?

01:34:30.000 Yeah, he had, like, ice sandals.

01:34:32.000 See, we can show that picture of him.

01:34:33.000 He's in shorts with ice sandals.

01:34:36.000 Like, to, like, pass the base camp all the way?

01:34:38.000 Yeah, to go to the top.

01:34:40.000 Holy...

01:34:40.000 Wow!

01:34:41.000 Is that...

01:34:41.000 I think that's suicidal.

01:34:43.000 No, he says it's easy.

01:34:45.000 He didn't get any kind of frostbite or anything?

01:34:47.000 He doesn't want to do it again because it's too easy.

01:34:50.000 It's amazing what you could do if you really have that.

01:34:53.000 Look at him.

01:34:54.000 When was that?

01:34:56.000 Dude, he's on top of Mount Everest in his shorts. 1.00

01:34:59.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:35:01.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

01:35:02.000 This is like a north face. 1.00

01:35:03.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:35:03.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:35:04.000 This guy's out there in his shorts. 1.00

01:35:06.000 On top of Mount Everest.

01:35:09.000 What's going on there?

01:35:11.000 And he looks like a regular guy.

01:35:13.000 That's what's crazy.

01:35:14.000 When you see him, he doesn't even look like an athlete.

01:35:16.000 He looks like Luke Rockhold or something.

01:35:17.000 He looks like a regular guy.

01:35:20.000 And it's all...

01:35:21.000 And he's just like, it's his breathing and his mind and, you know, he was a yoga instructor at one point in time.

01:35:26.000 He befriended the cold.

01:35:28.000 Yeah.

01:35:29.000 He's mastered areas of human performance that most people can't even begin to comprehend.

01:35:34.000 And he's done it through breath work.

01:35:36.000 It's really interesting.

01:35:38.000 Tense guy.

01:35:39.000 Were you ever that kind of guy?

01:35:40.000 Like where you were like, you know, like a marathon running, like, you know, a run guy?

01:35:45.000 No, I never did a marathon.

01:35:46.000 I used to run with my dog in the hills, but I was never like a runner.

01:35:51.000 Yeah, that was like, there's like some people like...

01:35:55.000 They get that high.

01:35:57.000 They get a high, for sure.

01:35:58.000 I see them every day in New York.

01:35:59.000 I'm like, why are you doing this?

01:36:01.000 They definitely get a high.

01:36:03.000 There's a runner's high that's legit.

01:36:05.000 It's some release of endorphins and all your blood's flowing and your mind thinks really well.

01:36:11.000 So you can clear your mind from a good aerobic, I mean it doesn't have to be a run, but the idea is aerobic exercise.

01:36:17.000 Something about good aerobic exercise just it drains your body of bullshit and it gives you like a fresh perspective. 0.59

01:36:24.000 You just, your body feels better when you do something like that, you know? 0.95

01:36:28.000 Do you do anything physical?

01:36:29.000 I go to the gym in my clothes.

01:36:32.000 I wear these same clothes at the gym.

01:36:33.000 Do you really?

01:36:34.000 I was doing kettlebells for a while and I felt like that was a perfect fit for me.

01:36:38.000 And then after a while I just moved on to other stuff.

01:36:41.000 Why do you go to the gym in regular clothes?

01:36:43.000 I'm not a gym guy.

01:36:45.000 I never feel comfortable there.

01:36:47.000 They don't tell you you have to wear gym clothes?

01:36:49.000 No, they're cool with me because I'm like the old guy at the gym.

01:36:54.000 And it's like a legit, it's like a fight.

01:36:56.000 It's a fight gym.

01:36:56.000 It's a fight gym?

01:36:57.000 A lot of Muay Thai.

01:36:58.000 Really?

01:36:58.000 All that kind of stuff.

01:36:59.000 So it's funny in the locker room where I'm like, am I sweaty?

01:37:02.000 And these kids, they're all like tatted up.

01:37:04.000 I always say it's like walking into a Malaysian prison. 1.00

01:37:07.000 You know, it's like tigers on someone's back and there's like crazy eyes, you know, staring at you, this stink eye.

01:37:12.000 But like, they're really cool to me.

01:37:13.000 And like, you know, the kettlebells, I was doing that for a while, but To be honest, like on the road, I think I've always gotten the most out of just like jumping rope.

01:37:21.000 Jumping rope's great.

01:37:22.000 Push-ups and sit-ups and things like that.

01:37:24.000 Just stuff you could do in your room.

01:37:26.000 Yeah.

01:37:26.000 But now it's like always about like, oh, where's the hotel gym?

01:37:29.000 I got to get down there and do my...

01:37:30.000 It's like, that's not for me, you know?

01:37:32.000 One of my best workouts I ever did in a hotel room, I was...

01:37:36.000 I just pushed the bed to the side and I did yoga.

01:37:39.000 I just followed a book and I felt so good after it was over.

01:37:43.000 I was like, look at that.

01:37:43.000 I just did it just in this room by myself.

01:37:45.000 Don't you think yoga is the most misunderstood?

01:37:48.000 I know a lot of people who are like, I've got to lose weight so I'm going to start doing some yoga.

01:37:52.000 I'm like, that's not really going to do that for you.

01:37:55.000 You're talking about a long-term thing here.

01:37:57.000 It takes a long time for that to even take effect on you.

01:38:00.000 Yoga can make you lose weight for sure, but dieting makes you lose weight.

01:38:04.000 Right.

01:38:05.000 That's really what you got to do that's different.

01:38:07.000 What do you think of this intermittent fasting thing?

01:38:09.000 It's good.

01:38:09.000 It's good?

01:38:10.000 Yeah, I think it's good to give your body some chance to digest things.

01:38:13.000 Oftentimes we're like packing food on top of food that's not even digested yet and there's more food coming.

01:38:19.000 I eat one meal a day and I'm still fat, so I really do.

01:38:23.000 When do you eat?

01:38:23.000 I eat late, like two, three.

01:38:26.000 Like after your show?

01:38:26.000 Yeah, I won't eat before because then I get tired.

01:38:28.000 It's terrible.

01:38:29.000 So you don't eat until, like, 2, 3 in the morning, and then you go to sleep, and you do it all over again the next day?

01:38:34.000 Sometimes.

01:38:34.000 It's so funny.

01:38:35.000 Like, I'll eat, like, at 5 in the morning, and I'm like, oh, this is terrible.

01:38:39.000 And then, like, I won't sleep till, like, 11, and I'm like, man...

01:38:42.000 You go to sleep at 11 a.m.?

01:38:43.000 Like, an adult shouldn't be living like this, you know?

01:38:46.000 And I'm not wasted.

01:38:46.000 I'm not high or anything like that.

01:38:48.000 It's just straight up, like, nerves...

01:38:50.000 Tension, you know, just like, you know, trying to finish something, then forget it.

01:38:54.000 You know, I'm not going to do it.

01:38:55.000 Just sit here and smoke, you know?

01:38:57.000 So it's pretty sad, but it's still like, I like that weird, crazy meal at the end of the day.

01:39:01.000 Like, I could never eat before I go on stage.

01:39:04.000 You know, there's a lot of guys I know who I work with who are like, yeah, I got to eat.

01:39:07.000 Like, as they're announcing my name, I need to eat something.

01:39:10.000 I need that energy.

01:39:10.000 I was never that guy, so...

01:39:13.000 I can eat like an hour and a half before, but no later than that.

01:39:17.000 Yeah.

01:39:18.000 If it gets an hour before I go on stage, that's not good.

01:39:20.000 And you can't eat carbs.

01:39:22.000 I've done that before.

01:39:23.000 We eat like a bowl of spaghetti and like...

01:39:25.000 Or like a steak or something?

01:39:27.000 I can eat a steak.

01:39:28.000 You can eat a steak right before you go up?

01:39:30.000 Yeah.

01:39:31.000 That doesn't seem to be a problem.

01:39:32.000 It's what you eat with the steak.

01:39:34.000 It's not the steak itself.

01:39:35.000 It's usually with me fries and baked potatoes and sour cream.

01:39:39.000 I didn't know you ate that kind of stuff.

01:39:40.000 I ate that stuff.

01:39:41.000 I shouldn't eat that stuff.

01:39:42.000 Well, you're in the right place.

01:39:43.000 I mean, Texas, I mean, it's almost like a law here.

01:39:46.000 You gotta eat that.

01:39:46.000 Yeah, most of what I eat, I eat pretty clean.

01:39:48.000 But I'll go off the rails every now with some french fries and some bullshit. 0.92

01:39:52.000 But relatively... 0.95

01:39:54.000 Better than I've ever been before.

01:39:56.000 Like, I'm pretty good with my diet.

01:39:58.000 Yeah.

01:39:58.000 But I like food, man.

01:40:00.000 Food's fucking delicious. 0.99

01:40:01.000 I like pizza sometimes. 0.99

01:40:02.000 Sometimes I think it's important just to give yourself just a little mouth pleasure.

01:40:07.000 You just gotta be careful you don't do it too much.

01:40:09.000 You know?

01:40:10.000 That's all it is.

01:40:11.000 I think moderation's good for everybody.

01:40:13.000 And do you eat any of those, like, you know, what is it?

01:40:16.000 Like, You know, there's all these, like, designer dessert stuff.

01:40:20.000 Like, do you do that?

01:40:20.000 Nah.

01:40:20.000 You're not a chocolate guy, right?

01:40:22.000 You know what's great?

01:40:23.000 You ever have Craig's vegan ice cream?

01:40:26.000 No.

01:40:26.000 You know Craig's in L.A.? No.

01:40:27.000 He makes a vegan ice cream.

01:40:28.000 I know you're like, oh my god, vegan. 0.99

01:40:30.000 It's fucking great. 0.98

01:40:31.000 It's with cashew butter. 0.99

01:40:33.000 Yeah.

01:40:34.000 It's delicious.

01:40:35.000 It's this creamy, delicious ice cream.

01:40:38.000 It's not good for you.

01:40:39.000 It's got sugar in it.

01:40:39.000 But it's vegan though, right?

01:40:41.000 Yeah.

01:40:41.000 But it's like, if you want to talk about, like, a designer dessert, that one is legit.

01:40:47.000 To be honest, I drink coffee all day long.

01:40:51.000 Want some?

01:40:53.000 Drinking a bottle, I would love some, yeah.

01:40:54.000 Drinking a bottle of water is a big deal for me.

01:40:57.000 I remember one time I was on the USO tour and we were in Kuwait or Iraq or something like that.

01:41:02.000 Cheers.

01:41:03.000 To you, buddy.

01:41:04.000 To you, brother.

01:41:05.000 It was like 115 degrees.

01:41:09.000 Are you hydrating?

01:41:10.000 And I go, yeah, I'm drinking all this coffee.

01:41:11.000 They go, well, you're going to die because that's taking fluids out of your body.

01:41:16.000 You've got to drink just straight up water here.

01:41:18.000 I'm like, really?

01:41:19.000 And then I felt like I was dizzy.

01:41:21.000 I'm like, where's that water, buddy?

01:41:23.000 Hey, let me get a hose. 1.00

01:41:25.000 I think you get some water from coffee, but it's also a diuretic.

01:41:30.000 Coffee is terrible, man.

01:41:31.000 I'll drink it all night.

01:41:32.000 I love it.

01:41:33.000 You do?

01:41:33.000 Yeah, I love coffee.

01:41:34.000 I love coffee.

01:41:35.000 I kind of see you as a guy with like, you've conquered all these demons, you know?

01:41:41.000 Yeah, but sometimes I like to dance with them.

01:41:43.000 I can dance with the demon of coffee, especially. 0.95

01:41:47.000 I don't know.

01:41:47.000 The demon of marijuana.

01:41:48.000 I do know that if I don't drink it, I get like that super headache, you know, of like, where's the coffee?

01:41:53.000 I did that before.

01:41:54.000 Your brain, that's a tough thing to quit.

01:41:55.000 It's a weird one because you realize you're addicted and you didn't know.

01:41:58.000 You're like, ooh, I woke up and I had a headache.

01:42:00.000 I'm like, oh my God.

01:42:01.000 But that was actually sodas.

01:42:02.000 I was drinking these sodas.

01:42:05.000 I got into this kick of writing really late at night and I would drink these sodas.

01:42:09.000 They had these crazy small batch sodas they were selling in LA. They were spicy, they had crazy levels of caffeine in them, and they had skulls on the label and shit, and all these wild labels. 0.97

01:42:25.000 Like death coffee, right? 0.99

01:42:27.000 Something like that, but it was filled with sugar and filled with caffeine.

01:42:30.000 And I was drinking those things when I was writing.

01:42:33.000 And I was getting so much caffeine.

01:42:35.000 And then one day I woke up in the morning and I didn't have one.

01:42:39.000 And I didn't have any coffee or anything.

01:42:41.000 And I had a headache.

01:42:42.000 And I was like, oh no.

01:42:44.000 Your brain needs it.

01:42:46.000 I'm addicted.

01:42:46.000 I have a headache because I'm not getting the caffeine.

01:42:49.000 I'm like, this is not good.

01:42:51.000 You know, when I was a little kid, my mom used to give us a cup of tea before we went to bed.

01:42:56.000 I guess she had like an English thing, like we were little English lords and ladies.

01:42:59.000 But I was like, even then I was knowing like, hey, I don't think we're supposed to be drinking this kind of drink right before, maybe hot chocolate or cocoa or something.

01:43:08.000 But it's like, you know, you're sitting in your bed, you're buzzing, you know, you're like 12, you know.

01:43:12.000 So I was like, I think that's where it started.

01:43:15.000 You know, I need that kind of caffeine going there.

01:43:17.000 Well, they give you sugar first. 0.99

01:43:18.000 Sugar breakfast cereal, that's the biggest jolt of fucking drugs you're ever going to get as a kid. 0.99

01:43:22.000 Remember those? 1.00

01:43:23.000 I love it.

01:43:24.000 The only place you see those old brands now, you have to go to a really D-level hotel when they give you the free breakfast.

01:43:33.000 There you are, Honeycomb's Jr. I knew sugar paps didn't go out of style.

01:43:40.000 I had some the other day.

01:43:41.000 I forgot where I was.

01:43:43.000 Well, Froot Loops is classic, so...

01:43:45.000 I just haven't had it in a long time and it looked good.

01:43:47.000 I'm like, let me try that.

01:43:48.000 I forget what it was.

01:43:49.000 I think it was Honey Nut Cheerios.

01:43:51.000 That's what it was. 0.99

01:43:51.000 And I was like, this is fucking delicious. 0.99

01:43:54.000 Your kids, do they like, because these kids, I don't even know, I guess it took with this organic food thing, they love to talk about it, and is there an organic omelet or some kind of stuff like that? 0.98

01:44:06.000 They don't eat that kind of stuff, right?

01:44:07.000 They eat everything.

01:44:08.000 Oh, they do?

01:44:09.000 Okay, that's good.

01:44:09.000 Yeah, but they eat healthy.

01:44:11.000 They see us eating healthy, but we eat bullshit, too. 1.00

01:44:15.000 I'll let them eat Cheetos and fucking, you know, have some fun. 1.00

01:44:19.000 But it's also like your foundation of what's fueling your body should be really good nutrition. 0.99

01:44:26.000 Right.

01:44:27.000 So they'll take vitamin supplements and they're smart.

01:44:30.000 They're smart.

01:44:31.000 They eat healthy.

01:44:32.000 They know the difference between good meal and bad meal.

01:44:34.000 Yeah, but it's also like we don't put pressure.

01:44:36.000 Like my pressure is like I want you to get nutrition, but I also say let's have fun.

01:44:42.000 Let's go have some dessert. 1.00

01:44:44.000 Let's go eat some bullshit. 1.00

01:44:45.000 Have a churro. 1.00

01:44:47.000 Let's fuck around. 1.00

01:44:47.000 You know, both those things. 1.00

01:44:49.000 Let's talk about the menu at the new club.

01:44:51.000 What are we thinking?

01:44:51.000 No menu.

01:44:52.000 No food. 1.00

01:44:53.000 Fuck out of here. 1.00

01:44:54.000 You don't want food in comedy. 1.00

01:44:56.000 It's a table combination.

01:44:56.000 I always love when they have an extensive menu.

01:44:58.000 Oh, no!

01:44:59.000 Don't you want to hear a lobster tail as a guy does an impression?

01:45:05.000 People are clinking and cutting chicken parmesan right in front of you.

01:45:11.000 Get out of here.

01:45:12.000 That's crazy.

01:45:12.000 You ever worked in Lexington, Kentucky?

01:45:14.000 No, I don't think...

01:45:15.000 Maybe I did.

01:45:16.000 That's bourbon country.

01:45:17.000 No, I did.

01:45:18.000 Wasn't there an improv there?

01:45:19.000 I forget what the name of the club was.

01:45:21.000 I think I did it one night.

01:45:22.000 It was a little club.

01:45:23.000 They're a great crowd.

01:45:25.000 Louisville, Lexington, whatever.

01:45:27.000 It's a cool region, a cool market, nothing like it.

01:45:30.000 But I was like, so what's on the menu here?

01:45:32.000 And they're like, bourbon?

01:45:34.000 What else do you need?

01:45:36.000 It's like, people come here, they're gonna drink, and they're gonna watch you, and that's it.

01:45:40.000 There's not gonna be any kind of fancy, you know, this isn't a fancy sit-down, you know.

01:45:44.000 It's like, let's get the business.

01:45:45.000 And I was like, good.

01:45:46.000 That's the way to do it.

01:45:47.000 Perfect.

01:45:48.000 The places with food, I get it.

01:45:50.000 You're trying to make some extra money, and also trying to kill two birds with one stone.

01:45:53.000 Go and have some food, watch a good comedy show, nothing wrong with that.

01:45:57.000 Yeah.

01:45:57.000 But it's not ideal.

01:45:58.000 Right.

01:45:59.000 It does get in the way.

01:46:00.000 It's just weird.

01:46:01.000 I'm just used to it now, where there's the food on the tables, and you can see the people with the spinach dip waiting on the punchline.

01:46:09.000 But it's fine.

01:46:10.000 That's cool, too.

01:46:11.000 It's no big deal, but it's just I don't want to do it in my club.

01:46:13.000 I don't mind it.

01:46:15.000 I'm not a snob.

01:46:16.000 If I go to somewhere and people are eating, it's fun.

01:46:18.000 But it's not the best way to do it.

01:46:22.000 Oh, for sure. 0.96

01:46:23.000 The best way to do it is your phones are locked up in a yonder bag, you're fucking sitting there, and you're just focused. 0.97

01:46:29.000 You're having fun. 0.97

01:46:30.000 Have a few drinks, or not, you know, whatever.

01:46:35.000 Have a good time.

01:46:36.000 You just were at MSG, right?

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:39.000 There's nothing like that room, you know?

01:46:40.000 That's a wild room.

01:46:41.000 It's a weird room to be doing stand-up in.

01:46:45.000 It just seems so strange.

01:46:46.000 I mean, I did that 9-11 benefit there, and there was so many great comics on it.

01:46:50.000 Chappelle closed it out, of course.

01:46:51.000 There's no other way to do it.

01:46:52.000 And Stuart was there, and Mulaney, and Michael Che.

01:46:57.000 Everyone was there.

01:46:58.000 And they also had guys like me.

01:47:00.000 We were coming in and doing stuff.

01:47:01.000 It was like, the sound was perfect, and everybody there, they had a drink maybe, or something like that, but there was really no food or anything like that.

01:47:08.000 Everybody was focused on the show.

01:47:10.000 You could almost feel it, because I'm coming from the club world, and you're like, there's a lot of things going on.

01:47:14.000 Somebody's bringing out a fiery dish, all that kind of stuff.

01:47:17.000 So it was a different kind of game.

01:47:19.000 Well, you should do more of those big shows, because they're fun.

01:47:22.000 I don't know if I could...

01:47:24.000 I'll bring you with me.

01:47:25.000 I'll do it.

01:47:26.000 Come on, let's do something.

01:47:27.000 If I'm ever in the neighborhood, I would love to go up and just say hi.

01:47:30.000 Come on, we'll book something together.

01:47:31.000 All right, let's do it.

01:47:31.000 Let's do it.

01:47:32.000 Let's have some fun.

01:47:33.000 Let's split the difference.

01:47:34.000 I can't sell out Madison Square Garden, but I think I could sell out the Dwayne Reed next to it.

01:47:39.000 So let's go there.

01:47:41.000 Maybe we'll stop a smash and grab.

01:47:42.000 That would be great.

01:47:43.000 We can kill two birds with one stone.

01:47:45.000 I saw a smash and grab today on YouTube.

01:47:48.000 It was wild.

01:47:49.000 They just went into this store and started ripping cell phones off the walls.

01:47:53.000 It's definitely not Ocean's Eleven.

01:47:55.000 These kids, they're freestyling it.

01:47:56.000 And they're all wearing masks, which you're allowed to wear now.

01:47:59.000 So it's like, how are you going to catch them?

01:48:01.000 You like made wearing masks okay. 0.99

01:48:03.000 So everyone's wearing a mask and they're just running in there and stealing shit. 0.81

01:48:07.000 This stuff is like, honestly, it's like, I never thought this was going to be on the other side of this, but the thing that's really getting me now, and I think you probably will agree, is that like, you know, I don't know, I hate to be hacky and do kind of a joke, but it's like, I didn't know as Americans we have the right to like, 0.99

01:48:23.000 go to a fast food place and if there's something wrong, we can hop the counter and beat a man to death.

01:48:28.000 Like, I didn't know that.

01:48:29.000 Whatever happened to just eating what you get or walking away?

01:48:32.000 Like, somehow this is like some kind of honor killing.

01:48:34.000 You have to...

01:48:36.000 Confront this man.

01:48:37.000 This poor kid.

01:48:38.000 This poor kid making seven bucks an hour.

01:48:40.000 You have to confront him and like, you know, whatever. 0.99

01:48:42.000 It's ridiculous. 0.94

01:48:43.000 I never thought I would live to see that. 0.92

01:48:45.000 It really blows me away.

01:48:46.000 There's nothing like a late night fast food barn brawl.

01:48:50.000 Well, this is not like a punch up.

01:48:52.000 Like, hey, what did you say to me at the rodeo?

01:48:55.000 You know, hey, this is like full tilt.

01:48:57.000 But those barn burner brawls where people like everybody's piling on top of everybody and smashing like a barroom brawl.

01:49:03.000 Like an OK Corral.

01:49:05.000 An OK Corral fight at a 2 a.m.

01:49:09.000 Waffle House or something.

01:49:10.000 The IHOP. Everyone's favorite throw-down joint.

01:49:14.000 There's something about getting drunk people late at night in those fucking places. 1.00

01:49:18.000 And the poor people that work there, honestly, it's like they should be getting combat pay. 1.00

01:49:23.000 How often do you see a brawl at a fucking Waffle House if you work there? 0.99

01:49:27.000 Like every other day. 0.99

01:49:28.000 And the people who do work there are like shell-shocked.

01:49:31.000 They got that thousand-yard stare.

01:49:32.000 It's like, what are you having?

01:49:34.000 You know, they're like looking, like checking the corners.

01:49:38.000 How about just the fact that, like, there's no late night food anymore.

01:49:42.000 Everything closes early.

01:49:43.000 People are afraid to stay open.

01:49:45.000 What is this one?

01:49:46.000 The guy who had the axe.

01:49:47.000 He pulled an axe out of his back.

01:49:48.000 Yeah, that was in New York.

01:49:49.000 That's one of ours.

01:49:50.000 This guy took all these punches.

01:49:52.000 Why is he getting beat up?

01:49:52.000 I don't know what happened.

01:49:54.000 It's like the same normal thing, you know, like a fight at McDonald's at night.

01:49:56.000 Then he pulls out the axe.

01:49:57.000 Oh, yeah?

01:49:58.000 Yes.

01:49:59.000 I'm from New York.

01:49:59.000 The axe man.

01:50:01.000 He starts fucking everybody up. 0.99

01:50:03.000 This guy. 0.99

01:50:03.000 And here he is. 0.99

01:50:04.000 That's him?

01:50:04.000 I talked to him afterwards.

01:50:05.000 Right on the street.

01:50:06.000 Right on the street.

01:50:07.000 Look at his ears.

01:50:08.000 You got the holes?

01:50:09.000 Giant holes in his ears?

01:50:10.000 This guy is ready to go, man.

01:50:11.000 He had an axe with him.

01:50:12.000 Yeah.

01:50:13.000 You can get him at Home Depot.

01:50:14.000 That's what he said.

01:50:15.000 He might be in trouble.

01:50:16.000 Might be.

01:50:17.000 It seems like not good, but he did show a little bit of restraint letting those dudes punch him.

01:50:21.000 Yeah, no, it was the whole thing of like, that's all you got.

01:50:23.000 He kept saying, that's all you got.

01:50:25.000 The video went viral because of that, but... 1.00

01:50:26.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:50:27.000 That's just another day in New York. 1.00

01:50:28.000 Did you see the Wawa in Philadelphia?

01:50:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:50:31.000 See that video?

01:50:32.000 It's hilarious.

01:50:32.000 This lady goes, are you going to make sandwiches or are you just going to keep recording them?

01:50:37.000 She wants her sandwich made.

01:50:38.000 Can you believe it?

01:50:39.000 She's behind the counter.

01:50:40.000 And she's so nonplussed by this chaos behind her.

01:50:43.000 She's like, are you guys going to make sandwiches or are you just going to keep recording them? 1.00

01:50:46.000 I want a fucking sandwich. 1.00

01:50:47.000 I don't care about this. 1.00

01:50:48.000 That's amazing because when you're not from Philly, you love a Wawa.

01:50:52.000 You're like, man, this is so much better than 7-Eleven.

01:50:55.000 This is so much better than everything.

01:50:57.000 And then for them to desecrate it like that.

01:50:59.000 It's the craziest, like, group activity in a store that I've ever seen. 0.52

01:51:05.000 Because they all just decided to go nuts.

01:51:07.000 It's mayhem.

01:51:08.000 And it's not a small amount of people.

01:51:09.000 It's mayhem. 1.00

01:51:10.000 It's a lot of fucking people. 1.00

01:51:11.000 And they're just grabbing shit off the shelves and throwing shit on the ground. 1.00

01:51:14.000 This girl, she just wants a sandwich. 1.00

01:51:17.000 But at least she beat the line, you know, while everybody's distracted. 0.66

01:51:21.000 Oh my god, this is so crazy.

01:51:23.000 Philadelphia police said they found approximately 100 juveniles inside the Wawa, but made no arrests.

01:51:28.000 Why would you arrest somebody?

01:51:29.000 I mean, why make an arrest?

01:51:32.000 It happened to me when I was at a 7-Eleven here.

01:51:34.000 Just one guy, though.

01:51:35.000 I was going to walk to pay for a Snickers bar or something, and as I was going to walk up, he just grabbed something and walked right out.

01:51:41.000 The lady's like... 1.00

01:51:42.000 It seemed like it happened on a nightly case, like a nightly basis.

01:51:48.000 I'm sure people just steal things now.

01:51:50.000 Because in certain places, like in San Francisco, if you don't steal $900 worth of stuff, they don't even do anything.

01:51:56.000 They don't.

01:51:56.000 So it has to be more than $900 worth of stuff.

01:51:59.000 So people are going in there and just stealing whatever the fuck they want.

01:52:02.000 As long as it's not $900 worth, they just leave. 0.98

01:52:04.000 In New York, like, that happens so much that, like, you'll see it happen and then, like, they'll try and be very, like, woke about it.

01:52:11.000 Like, you know, hey, you know, people need things, whatever.

01:52:14.000 And then you'll see the same guy from the news selling this stuff, like, on the street, like, walking down.

01:52:19.000 You need some Tide?

01:52:20.000 You need some Tide because they're trying to make some money?

01:52:22.000 But at the end of the day, that...

01:52:38.000 It's a wild time, Dave.

01:52:44.000 It is wild times.

01:52:46.000 They really are wild.

01:52:47.000 I feel like I'm too old to boost.

01:52:50.000 I don't have it in me anymore.

01:52:54.000 Were you around in New York in the 90s when it was crazy in Times Square?

01:52:59.000 Yeah.

01:53:00.000 Is it like that to you or worse?

01:53:02.000 I think that...

01:53:04.000 Maybe because I'm older and I'm a homeowner now, I'm like, what is going on here?

01:53:10.000 With these kids.

01:53:11.000 Yeah, these kids.

01:53:12.000 But I think that this is just a sense of entitlement of people allowed to do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it, like driving mopeds on the sidewalk, doing all that kind of stuff.

01:53:23.000 Hey, if I feel like driving erratically, I'm going to do it.

01:53:27.000 If I feel like walking down the street holding a piece of metal and yelling at people, I'm going to do it.

01:53:33.000 Because it's more of a...

01:53:35.000 Hands-off kind of scene in New York now.

01:53:39.000 We're not going to get involved until actually something happens.

01:53:44.000 If you've got young kids or business or something like that, you really are in a bad place at the wrong time.

01:53:51.000 Outdoor dining there and guys come up and just start screaming at you, rip something off your table, that kind of thing.

01:53:56.000 I always tell the tourists that come to the cell, I go, watch out!

01:53:59.000 And I'll go like, you know, the way you're holding your bag, don't hold it like that.

01:54:02.000 It's too easy.

01:54:03.000 You know, like, put it this way.

01:54:04.000 They get a little like, like, whoa, I didn't know it was like that.

01:54:07.000 And the subway is a whole different world down there.

01:54:09.000 You know, that's like, you know, basically...

01:54:10.000 The subway's wild.

01:54:11.000 Yeah.

01:54:12.000 The subway's wild.

01:54:13.000 It's wild to be contained.

01:54:15.000 Did you see the video of Henzo Gracie getting in a fight on the subway?

01:54:18.000 That was cool. 0.99

01:54:20.000 He said he fucked his knee up. 0.98

01:54:21.000 I ran into him like... 0.99

01:54:22.000 Oh, he did?

01:54:23.000 Yeah, I ran into him like, I guess a week and a half or so later.

01:54:25.000 Talk about a great situation for what he does.

01:54:28.000 Yeah.

01:54:28.000 Like, that's it.

01:54:29.000 Exactly.

01:54:30.000 And what a terrible move by that guy.

01:54:33.000 He's telling him to speak English.

01:54:34.000 He's like, my friend, you know.

01:54:37.000 He did the right thing though, right?

01:54:38.000 He's like trying to deescalate.

01:54:40.000 He didn't even hurt him.

01:54:41.000 He just threw him to the ground and controlled him and put him in a stranglehold and let him go.

01:54:45.000 Right.

01:54:45.000 And told him to apologize.

01:54:47.000 Well, I don't know if you know.

01:54:49.000 It is right there. 0.99

01:54:51.000 Like, out of all the people to fuck with, you fucked with Henzo Gracie. 1.00

01:54:55.000 That's such a huge mistake. 1.00

01:54:57.000 He just controlled him.

01:54:58.000 The dude's trying to punch him, and Henzo's on top of him.

01:55:01.000 He's like, no, son, you're not going anywhere.

01:55:02.000 Head and arm control, half guard, puts a smush down on him, and he's strangling him right now.

01:55:12.000 Wow.

01:55:12.000 That's great.

01:55:12.000 It's just a terrible, terrible mistake.

01:55:15.000 They didn't roll onto the tracks.

01:55:16.000 Out of all the people in the world.

01:55:17.000 Oh my god, thank god they didn't.

01:55:18.000 That's what's so scary.

01:55:20.000 That would've been really tough. 1.00

01:55:20.000 Pushing people on the track shit. 1.00

01:55:22.000 Hearing about that kind of stuff. 1.00

01:55:23.000 Yeah, that's New York, man.

01:55:26.000 That's just the way it is.

01:55:27.000 There's a lot of towns like that now.

01:55:28.000 Just like where it's like, oh, I guess that's the way it is.

01:55:31.000 Have you been to Portland lately or no?

01:55:33.000 Portland's wild, huh?

01:55:34.000 Yeah.

01:55:34.000 Portland is so weird that, like, the Helium Club, they're a very cool club, you know?

01:55:39.000 And that neighborhood is kind of like, it's like the warehouse, art district, or something like that.

01:55:42.000 And, you know, they have serious, like, housing problem there.

01:55:45.000 It's very sad and all that stuff.

01:55:46.000 But I talked to somebody who, like, you know, like, whatever, who lives there, and I go, so these people are allowed to, you know, put up, like, whatever they want, wherever they want.

01:55:55.000 And he goes, yeah, and they really, you know, like, the sad thing is, like, fires.

01:55:59.000 You know, like, something will happen, and, like, you know, it could catch fire.

01:56:03.000 They're cooking meth in a tent.

01:56:05.000 Could be.

01:56:06.000 Yeah, they're cooking meth in a little plastic house.

01:56:08.000 What could go wrong?

01:56:08.000 So it's like, talk about like, you know, I don't know, like you didn't see that coming.

01:56:13.000 No, no one saw that coming.

01:56:14.000 I didn't see it.

01:56:15.000 Someone just filmed it the other day and sent it to me.

01:56:17.000 They were in Portland and showed me this road they went down, all the tents and how crazy it is and how dense it is.

01:56:24.000 It's like, wow, you're not going to do anything about that?

01:56:26.000 You're just going to let that happen? 0.98

01:56:28.000 Doesn't that seem like a fucking safety hazard, a public safety hazard, a health hazard, all the above hazards? 0.99

01:56:34.000 Isn't it litter? 0.99

01:56:35.000 It's also litter?

01:56:36.000 It's litter.

01:56:37.000 It's like in New York, they have the outdoor dining.

01:56:39.000 Have you seen these things?

01:56:40.000 Yeah.

01:56:41.000 The little cabooses?

01:56:42.000 It's like a manger.

01:56:44.000 It's like basically...

01:56:46.000 You know, you might as well do a reenactment in there, you know?

01:56:49.000 But, like, they were having, like, people having sex in there and all that, because they were all making jokes about it and everything like that.

01:56:53.000 But it's like, why wouldn't they?

01:56:55.000 It's, like, too tempting.

01:56:56.000 I mean, like, why wouldn't you?

01:56:58.000 There's no one in there, would you?

01:56:59.000 You gotta, you know, like, christen it, basically, you know?

01:57:01.000 Make it your own.

01:57:02.000 But it's just, like, filthy and, I don't know.

01:57:05.000 I guess, you know, if people really want the grunge of New York, you're seeing it right now.

01:57:09.000 Do you still enjoy living there?

01:57:11.000 No.

01:57:12.000 Have you thought about bailing?

01:57:13.000 I can't.

01:57:14.000 I can't because of my mom.

01:57:15.000 I got to be close.

01:57:17.000 I have trouble being on the road more than three or four days because I feel like I can't go overseas.

01:57:21.000 I'm afraid that I might have to come back.

01:57:23.000 But other than that, you know where I was thinking?

01:57:26.000 Vegas.

01:57:27.000 Vegas is a great place.

01:57:28.000 Yeah, but then the real heat hits me again, and I'm like, I don't know if I could do this 24-7 all year long.

01:57:35.000 Vegas has, they got their electrical system down.

01:57:38.000 Do they?

01:57:39.000 They don't have blackouts in Vegas.

01:57:42.000 Think about all the AC they got running, all the casinos, all the money involved.

01:57:45.000 They keep the AC on.

01:57:47.000 And now that there's like weird stuff happening in Vegas, like a deluge of water, like weird stuff like that.

01:57:53.000 Because I have friends who live there and they're like, yeah, it snowed here.

01:57:56.000 That was like a couple years ago.

01:57:57.000 And then now it's like, yeah, no, there's water on the floor in the casino, you know, that kind of stuff.

01:58:02.000 So I guess they're like in the middle of like, you know, whatever the climate change thing is happening.

01:58:09.000 You can see it Vegas style, you know?

01:58:10.000 Well, I think they got a long period of drought, right?

01:58:14.000 So the Lake Mead was drying up.

01:58:16.000 How cool is that to find bodies in there?

01:58:18.000 Isn't that neat?

01:58:19.000 Wild.

01:58:20.000 That is really cool.

01:58:21.000 We all thought those were stories.

01:58:23.000 Now we see it was all real.

01:58:25.000 No, there's real bodies in there. 1.00

01:58:26.000 They found murder victims, all kinds of shit. 0.99

01:58:28.000 They found a dude stuffed in a drum. 1.00

01:58:30.000 Yeah, they found boats.

01:58:32.000 I think they found like five bodies now.

01:58:34.000 Crazy.

01:58:35.000 Cement.

01:58:37.000 What can cement do?

01:58:38.000 I mean, just think about what Vegas must have been like during the mob days.

01:58:42.000 70s, yeah.

01:58:44.000 Can you imagine?

01:58:45.000 That's when it was an adult Vegas, not like now where it's like all these little things to do for kids.

01:58:50.000 But it must have been so dangerous.

01:58:53.000 Well, Stanhope, I think that's where he started, was in Vegas.

01:58:55.000 Yeah.

01:58:56.000 I think that's like, he's one of the few guys that started in Vegas.

01:58:59.000 Yeah, he did his first...

01:58:59.000 There's a scene there now, because you've got to think, they have the Cellar now in Vegas, they have the Laugh Factory in Vegas.

01:59:05.000 Jimmy Kimmel's, I think, went under, right?

01:59:07.000 No, I think that's still going.

01:59:08.000 Is it still going?

01:59:09.000 I don't know, but they have, yeah, you're right, they have a couple of rooms. 0.99

01:59:11.000 Brad Garrett's got a great fucking room. 0.97

01:59:12.000 Brad Garrett's been there for decades now. 1.00

01:59:14.000 And they have other rooms, too.

01:59:17.000 There's a couple of other rooms.

01:59:18.000 Now let me ask you a question.

01:59:19.000 Okay.

01:59:20.000 Vegas versus Atlantic City.

01:59:22.000 What do you think?

01:59:23.000 I like Vegas better.

01:59:24.000 Yeah.

01:59:24.000 I like Atlantic City, but it seems like sometimes it's like a little bit of a bitter, sad Vegas.

01:59:28.000 But I love Atlantic City just because of the sadness of it.

01:59:31.000 Is it as sad as you like?

01:59:32.000 It's one of those where like, you know, you walk out on the boardwalk and you're like, it's immediately a Death Wish movie.

01:59:39.000 You know, for some reason there's steam and like there's people coming at you through the steam, you know, fog, weird, you know, scary sounds, a lot of scary, you know, like weird stuff like that.

01:59:51.000 We saw quite a few people that looked to be involved in the drug trade.

01:59:56.000 Oh, sure.

01:59:57.000 It seemed like they were selling and buying and procuring various substances.

02:00:01.000 That's a hub.

02:00:01.000 Just walking around out there.

02:00:03.000 Yeah, but it's better than no Atlantic City.

02:00:07.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:00:08.000 Shows there are fun.

02:00:09.000 Restaurants are great.

02:00:10.000 But it's funny, like the same thing with Coney Island, when you look at the pictures from the 40s, like a guy wearing his big suit, his bathing suit, whatever, and then you look at these places now and you're like, what happened?

02:00:21.000 How do they fix that?

02:00:22.000 How do they fix the homeless problem in Portland and the tents and the chaos and all the extra violence?

02:00:30.000 How do they fix it?

02:00:31.000 I have no idea.

02:00:32.000 I'm not that guy.

02:00:32.000 I'm not a big picture guy.

02:00:34.000 All I can say is, like, you know, a little good can go a long way.

02:00:40.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:00:40.000 Like, basically...

02:00:43.000 Basically, and I'm not talking about handouts either, like, you know, give a guy a job, you know, that kind of a thing.

02:00:50.000 That would probably help.

02:01:02.000 And like, you know, then have to deal with a lot of these things and do their drug or whatever they want to do.

02:01:08.000 And just like, kind of like say, you know, I don't need to be a part of that.

02:01:11.000 And if they can get by on very little, then they'll do it, you know.

02:01:14.000 But I'm not giving them an excuse.

02:01:17.000 I'm just saying I believe in free will.

02:01:18.000 And I think you do too, that people do make choices, you know.

02:01:21.000 Yeah, I think that's the case sometimes.

02:01:24.000 And also the problem is where they're doing it, right?

02:01:28.000 Just do it on the city streets.

02:01:30.000 You can't just like decide that's where you live.

02:01:31.000 That's crazy.

02:01:32.000 We've always had like order in that.

02:01:34.000 And that's why people get along so well.

02:01:36.000 It's like they observe each other's space.

02:01:38.000 True.

02:01:39.000 When you have a house in Venice and it's worth five million dollars and right outside your house is like 50 tents.

02:01:44.000 Yeah.

02:01:44.000 Who wants to move there?

02:01:46.000 No, you can't sell that house now.

02:01:47.000 And then if now they're allowing people to like go into your backyard, like they won't kick them out, they won't do anything about it.

02:01:55.000 Well, like, you know, the free zone or whatever that was, the free zone in Portland or Seattle, whatever that was, something like that.

02:02:04.000 And I was like...

02:02:05.000 Yeah, these people are creating their own society.

02:02:09.000 Unfortunately, I got a stationary store near this free society, and I'm basically going out of business.

02:02:17.000 I got to pull my kid out of college now.

02:02:18.000 I was like, well, that's not fair, but don't say that out loud.

02:02:22.000 The problem is they were deciding that it was okay to take over people's property by force.

02:02:27.000 Right.

02:02:28.000 Whether they realize that or not, that's what they're deciding.

02:02:30.000 The only reason why people weren't reclaiming all their property and going back into that area is because they were scared.

02:02:36.000 So the problem with that is if you decide that you're righteous and you're doing this for a good reason, what if someone decides that they're righteous and then they come in and take it back from you?

02:02:44.000 And then you're just legalizing, stealing through an ideology. 0.98

02:02:47.000 Like, you think it's okay, capitalism is evil, and fuck the police, and we're gonna run this place on our own. 0.98

02:02:53.000 But if you notice what happened, they immediately started behaving like warlords. 0.99

02:02:58.000 They attacked people, they pulled out phones, they beat people up, one person got shot and killed, and then eventually everyone came to their senses. 0.99

02:03:06.000 But the fucking mayor was hilarious. 0.99

02:03:09.000 She said, maybe it's the summer of love. 1.00

02:03:11.000 Right.

02:03:11.000 Did you see that?

02:03:12.000 I saw a lot of excuses for what was going on there, but the one thing that they, on the news, they especially try and take some of the mean out of it, be like, but a free organic breakfast for all.

02:03:22.000 Doesn't matter who you, they give them a cup of granola or something like that.

02:03:25.000 Now go out and...

02:03:27.000 Go out and beat a guy with a tire iron.

02:03:30.000 Yeah, we're going to make an amazing society.

02:03:31.000 It's going to grow from here.

02:03:33.000 What kind of crackpot plan of the future do you have?

02:03:38.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:03:39.000 Steal the bank and light the fucking police department on fire, and then you're going to eventually become the best society ever, right in the middle of Seattle. 0.99

02:03:45.000 Well, it's weird how, like, you know, back in the day, like, you know, chain snatching. 0.99

02:03:50.000 Do you remember that?

02:03:50.000 Like, you're on a subway, you know, you're like a group of people and some guy come by and snatch a girl's chain off or something like that.

02:03:56.000 I think it's popular again.

02:03:57.000 Well, but now it's also, like, phones.

02:03:59.000 Like, let me get your phone.

02:04:00.000 Like, that whole thing of, like, let me take your, like, your digital life...

02:04:05.000 It's like basically reaching in and grabbing your soul right out of you.

02:04:09.000 Like, now you can't communicate.

02:04:11.000 You know, that kind of thing.

02:04:12.000 So I was always like, it's amazing how they kept pace with just the world.

02:04:16.000 But I guess chains, watches, all that kind of stuff will always be...

02:04:19.000 It's booty.

02:04:20.000 That's what it is, you know?

02:04:21.000 Yeah, and you can sell them.

02:04:22.000 Yep.

02:04:23.000 You know, you can sell a lot of stuff.

02:04:25.000 People buy a lot of hot stuff.

02:04:27.000 Luckily, I'm not a bling man.

02:04:28.000 Luckily.

02:04:29.000 Yeah.

02:04:29.000 I don't think I'm going to have to wrestle a guy for my flip phone.

02:04:32.000 You know?

02:04:33.000 That thing must have a battery that goes for days, huh?

02:04:36.000 It's awesome.

02:04:36.000 And it is a weapon, basically.

02:04:38.000 You can throw that.

02:04:39.000 You can beat a man together.

02:04:40.000 How often do you charge that?

02:04:42.000 Every other day.

02:04:43.000 No, pretty much every day.

02:04:44.000 But it's still like, you know, talk about like dropout service, you know.

02:04:47.000 It's like, you'll lose them and you'll never hear from them again.

02:04:50.000 You know, that kind of thing.

02:04:51.000 It's supposed to be like an emergency construction site phone, but I don't know about that.

02:04:55.000 Is it like 3G at least?

02:04:57.000 Ah, 4G. Oh, you get 4G. Yeah, it's almost like it's going to work on Mars, yeah.

02:05:02.000 Some old guys still hang on, but I think some comics, it's a good thing for them.

02:05:06.000 It's good for me.

02:05:07.000 Yeah.

02:05:07.000 It definitely is.

02:05:08.000 You don't want to be connected all the time to everything.

02:05:10.000 I'm not good that way, yeah.

02:05:11.000 It's too much.

02:05:12.000 And I can only imagine, like, you get all that feedback from the show, you know, it's like you can fall into that, like, that rabbit hole.

02:05:18.000 Don't do it.

02:05:19.000 Yeah, don't do it.

02:05:20.000 I tell everybody, stay away from the comments.

02:05:22.000 Do you write in front of a computer?

02:05:25.000 Do you write in front of a notebook?

02:05:26.000 How do you write?

02:05:27.000 That's a good, you know, because a lot of the young ones, they're always like, what's the process?

02:05:32.000 And I'm always like, you know, I've gotten the most out of it with writing ideas down, trying to make it as strong as possible, Going on stage, taping it, and then listening to it.

02:05:41.000 And they're always like, that's it?

02:05:42.000 And I'm like, it's pretty much kind of like watching your swing, you know?

02:05:47.000 Yeah.

02:05:47.000 And you see what's wrong with it and you can correct it.

02:05:50.000 And it's like, until I hear it on stage, I really don't even know what it is.

02:05:53.000 So the writing part, I used to beat myself up for hours.

02:05:56.000 Like, okay, why am I not Seinfeld?

02:05:58.000 Seinfeld was notorious.

02:05:59.000 He could write it to stage.

02:06:01.000 It would be almost perfect.

02:06:03.000 And he would bring it on stage and it was done.

02:06:05.000 And I was like, I want to be like that.

02:06:06.000 I want to be that guy.

02:06:07.000 And I never could do it.

02:06:08.000 I would be always like, okay, well, these are funny words and this is a left turn.

02:06:13.000 Okay, I'm up there.

02:06:14.000 Nothing.

02:06:15.000 Then I'd listen to it and I'd go, oh, I see what I was doing wrong.

02:06:17.000 So it really did help me correct a lot of my, I guess, joke writing.

02:06:23.000 But in terms of bad habits and stuff like that, that's when you listen to the tape, that's when you hear all those bad habits.

02:06:30.000 You're saying a word that you didn't even know you were saying.

02:06:32.000 You're ending everything with a...

02:06:34.000 Uh-huh.

02:06:35.000 Or like some weird noise, like, mm!

02:06:38.000 You know, like, why is that in there?

02:06:40.000 Why do I do that?

02:06:41.000 Is that a nervous tick?

02:06:43.000 But how about you?

02:06:44.000 You said that you would stay up and you would, like, write out, like...

02:06:47.000 Yeah, today's the first day I wrote first thing in the morning.

02:06:50.000 Because I got up in the morning and I had this, like, a hankering to write, so I sparked up a joint and I wrote first thing in the morning.

02:06:56.000 So I was writing at, like, 8 o'clock.

02:06:57.000 So you write every day, then?

02:06:58.000 I don't write every day, but I write a lot.

02:07:01.000 You do?

02:07:01.000 Yeah, I write at least four or five days a week.

02:07:04.000 Wow.

02:07:04.000 And I try to write at least for a couple hours.

02:07:07.000 That's good work ethic.

02:07:08.000 I try to just...

02:07:09.000 A lot of it's nonsense.

02:07:11.000 A lot of it's not going anywhere.

02:07:13.000 It's like I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bing something, maybe later.

02:07:17.000 Check it out later.

02:07:17.000 And then I'll go back later and go over it, and I'll pull that.

02:07:20.000 I'll copy and paste it into a new Word file, and I'll say, okay, what's in here for me? 0.99

02:07:25.000 And I start writing out shit. 0.99

02:07:28.000 When you said that a lot of it's garbage, that's what it is, man. 1.00

02:07:31.000 It's panning for gold. 0.78

02:07:32.000 And it's also like, once you do get that gem, that's when nothing else feels like that.

02:07:37.000 You're like, wow, where did that come from?

02:07:38.000 I can't believe that. 0.99

02:07:39.000 And then you look at all the garbage that you got, that you had to get to that. 0.87

02:07:42.000 You know, it is like canning.

02:07:44.000 You're like looking for the magical can there, you know?

02:07:47.000 Yeah.

02:07:47.000 And, you know, it's just forcing yourself to sit down and write.

02:07:51.000 It's so important.

02:07:52.000 Some comics don't want to do it.

02:07:54.000 They just have the idea and they just kind of want to go on stage with an idea.

02:07:58.000 And that's cool, too.

02:07:59.000 I don't think there's any right way or wrong way to do it. 0.99

02:08:01.000 But for me, I have definitely found that if I sit down and write, more shit will come out. 0.90

02:08:06.000 I will come up with more concepts. 0.98

02:08:07.000 I'll come up with more premises.

02:08:09.000 I'll come up with more angles.

02:08:11.000 The premise is the hardest, I think, because I, like, my jokes, like, I can change the punchline a million different ways, but it's the, you know, committing to, like, the premise, like, you know, what is this about and how does this fit together?

02:08:24.000 Right.

02:08:24.000 That, to me, is the real work of it, but when you say, like, you sit down with pen and paper or on the computer and you're writing, like, I would do that sometimes just to basically go, like, I want to get out every bad idea I have right now and I'm going to just sit here for an hour and And I'm going to just type anything that's happening to me.

02:08:41.000 I used to do that when I was really young.

02:08:43.000 I was like, I am not writing anything good.

02:08:46.000 I'd write in my notebook just to turn the page.

02:08:48.000 And I was like, if anything, what it does is it just tells your brain that you're working on this right now and that you're going to focus on it.

02:08:58.000 So for me it was good because I'm not a real disciplined guy, but that was something that I really did...

02:09:03.000 You know, take to early in comedy of, like, material.

02:09:06.000 I respect it.

02:09:07.000 I want it.

02:09:08.000 I want to be able to have new material all the time.

02:09:10.000 I don't want to waste stage time.

02:09:11.000 So I really committed to that.

02:09:13.000 Everybody wants it.

02:09:15.000 It's like there's a thing that musicians do that we don't do in that they practice.

02:09:21.000 They don't just go on stage.

02:09:23.000 They practice.

02:09:24.000 Like, remember Mo' Better Blues?

02:09:26.000 Yeah.

02:09:27.000 I remember watching Denzel Washington, that movie, being so, like...

02:09:31.000 Envious of that kind of discipline, the discipline to work on your craft all the time, even when he was not performing on stage. 0.93

02:09:39.000 Remember his girl was trying to have sex with him?

02:09:40.000 He's like, no, no, no.

02:09:41.000 I don't remember it that well.

02:09:42.000 He's like, I've got to practice.

02:09:44.000 And this is his thing.

02:09:45.000 He was this amazing trumpet player, and he had to practice.

02:09:49.000 And so I remember watching that thinking, man, if we had that kind of work ethic with comedy, if we worked on comedy the same way, that obsessive all day long, you'd have to get better.

02:10:00.000 You'd have to get better.

02:10:01.000 Yeah, you have to get better, and you also have to, you know, I don't know what to say, but it's like, you have to look at the joke a million different ways before you realize that, like, you know, okay, this is like, like I said earlier, with chunks of material, like, where else can this go?

02:10:17.000 It can't just be a standalone.

02:10:19.000 Like, there's got to be more to it.

02:10:20.000 And that's the thing of, like, bringing on stage, and now, like, okay, I want to try it this way, I want to try it this way, I want to try it that way.

02:10:26.000 So, To me, that's why when people go like, don't you get bored saying the same thing?

02:10:30.000 It's like, no, I'm never saying the same thing.

02:10:32.000 It's always a little different.

02:10:34.000 You're always tweaking it.

02:10:35.000 Tweaking it, turning it over, seeing if it can stand different places in the show.

02:10:40.000 When was the last time you filmed?

02:10:43.000 I'm coming up on shooting something soon, but I would say that I did that road work probably like five, six years ago or something like that.

02:10:50.000 When do you think you'll want to do it?

02:10:52.000 When do you think you want to film?

02:10:53.000 I don't know.

02:10:54.000 I think I'm going to, maybe before the end of the year, maybe beginning of next year, but I know the hour for me has always been tough, getting that much joke without fat in it, but I would say that the half hour I find so interesting.

02:11:09.000 I watched Earthquakes half hour and I was like...

02:11:11.000 Thunderous.

02:11:12.000 It was great.

02:11:13.000 And I was like, he's having fun.

02:11:15.000 Yeah.

02:11:15.000 He knows what he's doing.

02:11:16.000 The crowd gets him.

02:11:17.000 They're all having a great time.

02:11:19.000 It's not like this big kind of set piece battle.

02:11:22.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:11:22.000 Like where it's like, you know, the first 10 minutes, you know, and then you can tell and then it gets to that midpoint of like...

02:11:29.000 Now he has to restart the special again.

02:11:31.000 You know, that kind of thing.

02:11:32.000 And then bringing it home.

02:11:33.000 Like, that's difficult.

02:11:34.000 You've done it.

02:11:35.000 It's tough, you know?

02:11:36.000 So I was like, the half hour to me seems the right amount of time for people's attention span and also for me with what I do to get out, like, what I want to say and then get out of there.

02:11:45.000 Right.

02:11:46.000 Well, then do that.

02:11:47.000 Would you release it on Netflix?

02:11:49.000 Would you go the YouTube route?

02:11:51.000 What would you do these days?

02:11:52.000 I'll have to ask you when I get closer because I really don't even know what to do.

02:11:55.000 I really don't have that kind of pull to say, hey, I want to do it here or there.

02:11:59.000 But there's so many different types of platforming now that it would be dumb to really kind of lock it in before you even see it.

02:12:06.000 But I definitely want it to be...

02:12:10.000 You know, a club show, you know, like, because that's what I've done, and I'm coming to the end of this anyhow, so I want, you know, to kind of go out the way I do it.

02:12:17.000 The end of this? 1.00

02:12:18.000 The fuck are you talking about? 0.99

02:12:19.000 Well, I don't see many, you know, like, whatever. 1.00

02:12:23.000 You know, people always like, come on, you're like Don Rickles.

02:12:26.000 You'll do it forever.

02:12:27.000 I go, I'd like to, but I don't want to have to, you know?

02:12:30.000 Right.

02:12:30.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:12:31.000 Right.

02:12:31.000 You don't want to be up there like...

02:12:32.000 Oh my god, I gotta pay that alimony, that kind of thing. 0.90

02:12:38.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:12:39.000 So anyway, I don't know.

02:12:42.000 I mean, I think Netflix has been cool for a lot of people.

02:12:45.000 I think HBO, all these different places, they all have like, there's something interesting about all of them.

02:12:50.000 What do you like?

02:12:51.000 Now I think the beautiful thing is your fans will find it, no matter where it is.

02:12:54.000 Yeah.

02:12:54.000 Your fans will find it if it's on Netflix.

02:12:56.000 Your fans will find it if it's on HBO. The question is, like, what's going to bring in the most new fans?

02:13:01.000 True.

02:13:01.000 And I think there's a lot of people that...

02:13:03.000 I know you hate compliments.

02:13:05.000 You're one of the best comics alive, and I don't think people realize how funny you are.

02:13:08.000 People say that to me, but it means something else when it comes from you, so thanks, Joe.

02:13:11.000 It really does, and I'm not stroking you or anything like that.

02:13:13.000 We all say that.

02:13:15.000 We all love you.

02:13:16.000 Alright, well thanks, man. 0.99

02:13:18.000 The rest of the world should see what the fuck you're doing. 0.96

02:13:21.000 So whatever you do, whether you do it on YouTube or whether you do it on Netflix or HBO or whatever, people need to watch it. 0.99

02:13:28.000 They need to get a glimpse.

02:13:29.000 That's nice.

02:13:29.000 Thank you.

02:13:30.000 It's great, man.

02:13:31.000 Last time I saw you live was a couple of years back at the improv.

02:13:35.000 It was so much fun, man.

02:13:36.000 That was your show.

02:13:37.000 Yeah, it was so much fun.

02:13:38.000 I didn't tell you how nervous I was, did I? No.

02:13:40.000 I was like, I'm going to be going up there doing jokes, and Joe's crowd, they want to hear the shit, and I'm going to be doing my dumb jokes. 1.00

02:13:51.000 They loved it. 0.99

02:13:52.000 They were great.

02:13:53.000 They were so giving to me.

02:13:54.000 And then you went up there, you closed it out, and people don't realize how hard it is It's tough,

02:14:19.000 you know?

02:14:19.000 It's fun, though, man.

02:14:20.000 It's fun.

02:14:21.000 It's like we're all having a good time together.

02:14:23.000 And it's also my favorite thing to watch, too.

02:14:27.000 So I get to see great comics.

02:14:29.000 Working with really funny people on the road is the best.

02:14:32.000 You get to see them crush.

02:14:34.000 There's just something exciting about it.

02:14:36.000 There is something like when I think people also, you know, when you were touring with Chappelle and stuff like that, these are event shows.

02:14:43.000 These are like shows that you tell years, you know, for years about like I was at that show, you know, I was there.

02:14:48.000 So for the hardcore fan, these are like amazing times for comedy.

02:14:52.000 It's a great time for comedy in general because I think the world genuinely needs things to be mocked right now.

02:14:57.000 Because so many things are so off the rails and so crazy on both sides of the political spectrum, the cultural spectrum.

02:15:03.000 Right.

02:15:04.000 You know, in terms of, like, the relationship the United States has with the world, things are so bonkers right now that if you're not making fun of things...

02:15:11.000 True.

02:15:11.000 Like, it's already so high-strung and so fucking wound up and dangerous.

02:15:17.000 Like, the world is so fucking frustratingly aggressive right now. 0.90

02:15:22.000 It's so crazy. 0.99

02:15:23.000 There's so much going on with Russia and Ukraine and the climate change and fucking COVID. Have you done Europe? 0.98

02:15:31.000 Have you toured through Europe or anything like that?

02:15:35.000 Not in a while.

02:15:36.000 I'm doing the UK. I'm doing London in October.

02:15:40.000 Okay.

02:15:41.000 One show.

02:15:42.000 Just want to go there and have some fun for a few days. 1.00

02:15:44.000 Fuck around. 0.99

02:15:46.000 Yeah, that was another thing that Stanhope, he was pretty much the first guy I knew who was England, and he was doing all that kind of stuff. 1.00

02:15:54.000 He filmed a special in Oslo, didn't he?

02:15:57.000 Well, either way, they loved Bill Hicks, and he was definitely the heir apparent to him, rightfully so.

02:16:05.000 There was no one like Doug.

02:16:06.000 So, like, he would tell me, like, England and how, like, you know, what it was like over there.

02:16:10.000 And, you know, I've done a bunch of shows, like, you know, whatever, Germany, whatever, all those different places.

02:16:16.000 But I was always like, you know, it's really for the trip, right?

02:16:19.000 I mean, because, like, you know, let's face it, you know, these people, like, they're kind of polite.

02:16:22.000 They applaud or they heckle drunkenly.

02:16:24.000 But now I get it.

02:16:25.000 I think Netflix or whatever has made it international.

02:16:28.000 People get it now.

02:16:29.000 They get what comedy is.

02:16:30.000 So it's probably way better now than when I did it, you know?

02:16:33.000 They want to see it, too.

02:16:34.000 It's like, you know, there's not a lot of American comics that go to those places.

02:16:38.000 True.

02:16:39.000 I mean, like it or not, there's a lot of great comics all over the world, but it's kind of an American art form in a lot of ways.

02:16:44.000 Right.

02:16:44.000 It kind of originated here.

02:16:46.000 And the current form that you and I do it, it originated right here.

02:16:50.000 They, uh, people, comics come from all over, like, to the cellar, and you can see them there, like, studying it.

02:16:56.000 You know, it's kind of weird.

02:16:56.000 Like, protect your data!

02:16:58.000 Watch out!

02:17:00.000 That's the weird thing, when you find out people are doing your jokes in another language.

02:17:03.000 How cool is that, though?

02:17:04.000 Who do you call for that one?

02:17:06.000 Who do you call?

02:17:06.000 Like, it's the Hague.

02:17:07.000 You gotta get the world court.

02:17:11.000 So many people are bilingual.

02:17:12.000 They find out about it.

02:17:14.000 They rat them out.

02:17:15.000 There was a few French-Canadian guys that were doing that in Montreal.

02:17:18.000 But I would give it to the guy, though.

02:17:19.000 Like, if it was a guy, like, he's like, I've got your joke, but I use Tiger instead of, you know, like, makes it local.

02:17:25.000 I'd be like, all right, you can do that.

02:17:26.000 Go ahead.

02:17:27.000 Go ahead.

02:17:28.000 Well, how many guys started out in other countries just stealing jokes?

02:17:31.000 And then they had to develop their own act.

02:17:33.000 True.

02:17:33.000 Because they were doing...

02:17:34.000 That was a problem in, like, the 90s, I remember.

02:17:36.000 There was quite a few guys like that that would be stealing jokes in other languages.

02:17:41.000 Or stealing jokes from, you know, comics that people didn't know and doing it in their country where there was no comedy.

02:17:46.000 Holy, what?

02:17:47.000 Yeah.

02:17:47.000 Wow.

02:17:48.000 Yeah, comedy is now a global thing, but I think for the longest time it wasn't. 0.99

02:17:53.000 I think it was like real isolated little patches where you can get away with some shit. 0.98

02:17:56.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:17:57.000 No, I think when they come over, I think that it kind of blows them away to see what it is as opposed to what they've been doing over there.

02:18:03.000 So, you know, tip of the hat for us.

02:18:05.000 Tip of the hat.

02:18:05.000 Yeah.

02:18:06.000 Well, in these weird times, I think this is where comedy becomes actually a valuable function in society, to be able to mock things and joke around and have some fun still.

02:18:16.000 Well, dude, you basically have done the hard work for us, so this is another one of those...

02:18:21.000 I wanted to say this to you for a while, but it's like...

02:18:25.000 Years ago when I did Letterman, how impressive that was to both friends and family, and I told people I was coming on this, it's the same reaction.

02:18:33.000 They love you.

02:18:34.000 They see this as an important thing.

02:18:36.000 And I totally agree with them that you've done a lot of heavy lifting for all of us, so thanks.

02:18:42.000 It was easy.

02:18:43.000 It wasn't heavy lifting.

02:18:45.000 It was just hanging out.

02:18:46.000 I don't know.

02:18:46.000 You're taking the hits, basically.

02:18:48.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:18:49.000 You're fighting the good fight, and we're all right behind you, basically.

02:18:54.000 Thank you very much.

02:18:55.000 Thank you for taking the hits.

02:18:55.000 My pleasure, brother.

02:18:56.000 It's amazing.

02:18:57.000 It's a fun and exciting time in a lot of ways.

02:19:00.000 I think people are going to come out of this on the other end more aware of the pitfalls of certain types of thinking and behavior and what we tolerate and what we don't tolerate.

02:19:11.000 There needs to be some sort of order in society.

02:19:13.000 It doesn't mean you're bad because you want some order.

02:19:16.000 It just means you want people to be peaceful. 0.94

02:19:18.000 And that could be worked out, but there's a lot of shit that needs to be worked out in this country that just doesn't get addressed. 0.61

02:19:23.000 Like, why is all this crime originating in these areas that have been impoverished forever, and why aren't we helping them? 0.93

02:19:29.000 Why aren't we helping fix those spots where all this crime is coming from?

02:19:34.000 And there's very little effort put into doing that, but so much effort put into helping other countries.

02:19:40.000 It drives people nuts. 0.97

02:19:42.000 It's not that we shouldn't be supporting Ukraine, but where was all that fucking money when you wanted to fix Baltimore? 0.99

02:19:46.000 Where was all that money to fix Detroit? 0.98

02:19:48.000 Where was all that money to stop all the fucking street violence in the south side of Chicago? 0.98

02:19:54.000 How do you fix that? 0.98

02:19:56.000 Why isn't that being addressed like whole scale, like the entire country?

02:20:01.000 Why aren't they looking at like all these spots where they're typically riddled with crime and violence?

02:20:06.000 What do we do to mitigate that?

02:20:07.000 How do we do it to make this place safer and better for everybody that grows up there?

02:20:11.000 Well, I know in New York, like, you know, kids on, like, minibikes and ATVs and stuff like that, that, like, until you've been circled by a group of teenagers on an ATV, like, you really, it really does, like, you feel that moment of, like, you know, this is like the wolves and you're the wounded buffalo.

02:20:28.000 And it's like, only a matter, you can turn towards one, but the other one's gonna, so you really have this feeling of almost prey, I guess you could say, you know?

02:20:35.000 So I was like, yeah, this...

02:20:37.000 You know, when I was a kid, you know, we had an area to do that, but these kids, they live in the city, so I guess this is their, you know, like, area to do it, but it still, it's like, it is terrifying.

02:20:45.000 And I guess, you know, part of that's being old, the other part of it's like what you just said, that like, why is this going on?

02:20:50.000 Why isn't anyone talking about it?

02:20:51.000 It is wild.

02:20:52.000 And people don't know that in New York, they're confiscating them and destroying them.

02:20:57.000 There's video of it, and people are like, why are they destroying those?

02:20:59.000 Like, you don't understand what's going on in New York.

02:21:01.000 Like, these guys are just riding these on the streets.

02:21:04.000 I just give these kids, like, they really are great consumers, you know?

02:21:08.000 Like, it's just amazing.

02:21:08.000 Like, the coolest thing they will get somehow, you know?

02:21:12.000 And, like, they will wait online to get it, too.

02:21:14.000 Like, I've seen kids wait online for sunglasses.

02:21:15.000 Like, I never would do that as a kid.

02:21:17.000 Like, I don't care.

02:21:18.000 Like, you know, I'm 15. I gotta have the best pair of sunglasses.

02:21:20.000 I don't care.

02:21:21.000 Whatever.

02:21:21.000 I'll put my hand over my eyes.

02:21:23.000 I don't really care.

02:21:24.000 But for them, it's style.

02:21:25.000 It's showing.

02:21:26.000 It's swagger.

02:21:27.000 So, you know, if that's how they live, that's fine.

02:21:29.000 But we all don't have to be a part of it, you know?

02:21:31.000 Yeah.

02:21:32.000 You definitely don't have to be a part of it.

02:21:34.000 The dirt bike thing's wild.

02:21:36.000 Where are they getting all the dirt bikes from?

02:21:37.000 Is there a black market of dirt bikes where they're shipping them into New York City because they know kids will buy them?

02:21:42.000 And is that really the best way to put their paper route money to good use?

02:21:47.000 What about the college jar?

02:21:48.000 Put some money in there.

02:21:49.000 These guys are selling meth.

02:21:50.000 They don't have a paper route.

02:21:51.000 But it's just funny where it's like 50 guys on minibikes.

02:21:55.000 You might be able to outrun them.

02:21:57.000 Probably not, though.

02:21:58.000 But when they circle, that's really...

02:22:00.000 Is that what you just saw?

02:22:01.000 I've seen that.

02:22:01.000 I've seen a couple of...

02:22:02.000 Yeah, it's basically like a parade.

02:22:05.000 I saw one actually when the queen went down.

02:22:07.000 I'm like, I didn't know they cared.

02:22:08.000 It was like a missing man formation.

02:22:10.000 It's like, wow, I didn't know they were into that.

02:22:13.000 I remember they used to organize these motorcycle gangs, and they would, like, kids on those, like, Kawasaki Ninjas and shit like that. 0.90

02:22:20.000 Yes.

02:22:21.000 And they would, all those, like, fast bikes, they would zip around town, and, like, a giant group of them, and people would panic.

02:22:27.000 Well, that happens, too.

02:22:28.000 But this is just basically, like, kind of a stroll, like, where, like, you know...

02:22:31.000 Kind of doing like a New Orleans funeral here.

02:22:34.000 Just blowing through the red lights.

02:22:37.000 And as a driver, you're like, I better be careful.

02:22:40.000 These kids are not stopping.

02:22:42.000 They just blow through red lights?

02:22:44.000 Mm-hmm.

02:22:44.000 Wow.

02:22:45.000 They feel...

02:22:47.000 Ow. 0.99

02:22:48.000 What happened?

02:22:49.000 It's my leg.

02:22:50.000 What happened to it?

02:22:52.000 Sorry.

02:22:53.000 You got a cramp?

02:22:53.000 Yeah.

02:22:54.000 Really?

02:22:54.000 Mm-hmm.

02:22:55.000 You alright?

02:22:55.000 I'm alright.

02:22:56.000 What a great time.

02:22:57.000 Work through it.

02:22:58.000 I am.

02:22:59.000 Get the cold bath.

02:23:00.000 You know what someone told me once?

02:23:01.000 I don't know if this works.

02:23:02.000 If you pinch down on your tongue, it alleviates a cramp in your leg.

02:23:06.000 Pinch down on your tongue, see if that works.

02:23:07.000 It's not working!

02:23:09.000 No, it didn't.

02:23:10.000 Does that work?

02:23:11.000 Find out if that works.

02:23:13.000 Is that an old wives tale?

02:23:14.000 Maybe it's like, what's that stuff, like reflexology?

02:23:17.000 Might not be real?

02:23:19.000 No, I'm good.

02:23:20.000 You good?

02:23:21.000 You're back?

02:23:21.000 Yeah, that's another thing for not drinking water.

02:23:23.000 You cramp up?

02:23:24.000 Okay.

02:23:25.000 Pinch lip.

02:23:27.000 Oh, it's your lip.

02:23:27.000 Leg cramps or muscle spasms may be triggered by over-activated nerves.

02:23:33.000 Other people have described a similar technique.

02:23:35.000 They recommend pinching the center of the upper lip right under the nose for a minute or two.

02:23:42.000 How do they know if the cramp doesn't just go away?

02:23:44.000 Yeah.

02:23:44.000 He's concentrating on a new thing?

02:23:46.000 I don't know, but I think I just shit my pants. 0.97

02:23:48.000 Sorry. 0.86

02:23:49.000 Sorry.

02:23:50.000 But anyway, yeah, so that's what it is.

02:23:53.000 So that's what it is.

02:23:54.000 Yeah.

02:23:55.000 I'm glad it happened here and not out on the street.

02:23:57.000 You're back.

02:23:58.000 I would have been...

02:23:58.000 Has that happened before?

02:24:00.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:00.000 Leg cramps?

02:24:00.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:01.000 Leg cramps.

02:24:02.000 You should take Liquid IV. It's an electrolyte drink.

02:24:04.000 I knew you'd have some kind of potion or lotion for it.

02:24:07.000 Yeah, it's good.

02:24:08.000 It hydrates you.

02:24:09.000 How do you have all this time to do this stuff?

02:24:12.000 People tell me things.

02:24:13.000 Oh, okay.

02:24:13.000 And that's one of the sponsors.

02:24:15.000 Oh, is it?

02:24:15.000 Yeah, Liquid IV. They've been sponsored forever.

02:24:17.000 It's good stuff.

02:24:18.000 Take it before I work out.

02:24:19.000 Take it after I work out sometimes.

02:24:20.000 I'm just going to whisper a prayer into the ruins.

02:24:23.000 Are you back or are you cramping up again?

02:24:25.000 I'm good.

02:24:26.000 Okay.

02:24:27.000 You're scaring me.

02:24:27.000 Yeah.

02:24:28.000 Wouldn't that be weird to go down here? 0.94

02:24:29.000 That would suck.

02:24:30.000 That would get some good views, though, wouldn't it? 0.99

02:24:32.000 No.

02:24:33.000 We'd have edited it out.

02:24:36.000 No, we wouldn't.

02:24:37.000 Unless you wanted me to.

02:24:38.000 Would you want me to edit it out?

02:24:39.000 I don't know.

02:24:40.000 Seems a little disrespectful.

02:24:42.000 You think?

02:24:43.000 Yeah, for you to just croak in front of everybody.

02:24:45.000 Let me stand up and see how it works.

02:24:48.000 This is better.

02:24:49.000 You good?

02:24:50.000 Do you have, like, a sciatic nerve thing going on?

02:24:52.000 No, I think what it is is, you know, I had a hernia operation. 1.00

02:24:55.000 Oh, shit. 0.98

02:24:56.000 So I could feel it, like, with my bowels moving around differently, you know? 1.00

02:24:59.000 Oof.

02:24:59.000 And then it usually happens when I'm on the toilet, you know, like, where it's like, oh, God!

02:25:04.000 And then there's a lot of cleanup.

02:25:06.000 Pfft! 0.63

02:25:06.000 Honestly, it really is sad. 0.63

02:25:09.000 You cramp up?

02:25:10.000 Yeah, you cramp up and then it's all over the place.

02:25:12.000 You want to end this?

02:25:13.000 Are we good?

02:25:14.000 Are you okay?

02:25:15.000 Yeah, let me sit down just in case you do.

02:25:17.000 Are you okay?

02:25:18.000 I'm fine, yeah.

02:25:19.000 But it was a lot of sitting, you know. 0.99

02:25:22.000 Damn. 0.99

02:25:22.000 So maybe that was part of it, too. 0.99

02:25:24.000 I noticed my knee goes out on a plane now.

02:25:26.000 Does that happen to you?

02:25:27.000 When you sit on a plane?

02:25:29.000 What happens?

02:25:30.000 I feel like my knee, like, I have a knee injury, so it's like, I just feel like my whole leg is like, can't feel it for a minute, you know?

02:25:38.000 And then it goes, like, numb, and I'm like, oh, it's my knee.

02:25:41.000 I know, it's like my knee.

02:25:42.000 And that's just from sitting constantly on a plane.

02:25:45.000 Yeah, sitting with a knee injury is not good.

02:25:47.000 And then when you have to get up, it's stiff.

02:25:49.000 Uh-huh.

02:25:49.000 Yeah.

02:25:50.000 Well, what can you do, right?

02:25:52.000 Battle damage.

02:25:53.000 Yes.

02:25:54.000 How'd you hurt your knee?

02:25:56.000 I think... 1.00

02:25:57.000 Kick an ass and nom? 1.00

02:25:59.000 Yeah, I think... 1.00

02:26:01.000 I was a repo man.

02:26:03.000 I was the third guy in on the... 0.95

02:26:04.000 I was the dork.

02:26:06.000 I wish it was a cool story. 0.74

02:26:07.000 I think I was trying to...

02:26:08.000 I was a fat kid trying to get over a hobby horse in gym.

02:26:11.000 You know, it's like, come on!

02:26:13.000 Come on, Tubbs! 0.99

02:26:14.000 Get over that! 0.99

02:26:15.000 That was back when you were allowed to, you know, shame a fat kid. 1.00

02:26:18.000 You know, like, come on, sugar tits! 1.00

02:26:19.000 Get in there! 0.99

02:26:23.000 The good old days.

02:26:24.000 Where's the fat male models? 1.00

02:26:26.000 Exactly. 0.58

02:26:26.000 Come on. 0.58

02:26:27.000 Yeah.

02:26:27.000 How come?

02:26:28.000 That is a guilty pleasure show, my 600-pound life.

02:26:31.000 Is it?

02:26:31.000 Do you like it?

02:26:32.000 Tell me, somebody who doesn't watch that.

02:26:33.000 I don't watch it.

02:26:34.000 You don't watch it.

02:26:34.000 No.

02:26:35.000 Please take a look. 1.00

02:26:36.000 I get sad when people are that fucked up. 0.99

02:26:38.000 Oh, no. 0.99

02:26:39.000 I'm totally sad, but it's just amazing how they get through.

02:26:44.000 I mean, can you imagine being able to...

02:26:46.000 Function without moving?

02:26:48.000 No.

02:26:48.000 These people have figured it out.

02:26:49.000 It's like they're basically like a jellyfish.

02:26:52.000 They're kind of floating through life.

02:26:54.000 It's so bad.

02:26:55.000 But it is sad.

02:26:56.000 When they get glued into their couch.

02:26:58.000 Yeah.

02:26:59.000 Those people, their body integrates with their couch. 0.91

02:27:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:27:02.000 And then you're like, how are you shitting? 0.99

02:27:04.000 Who's cleaning? 1.00

02:27:05.000 What's going on?

02:27:06.000 They are very...

02:27:08.000 It's graphic because they'll...

02:27:11.000 They'll show the person, like, I have to take a shower, I'm going to see a doctor now.

02:27:14.000 So they'll show them get up and, like, blur the areas, but because they're already kind of blurred, you know, physically, that, like, you're like, what are you, you know, and then you'll see them shower and things like that.

02:27:26.000 So it is definitely not an OnlyFans moment, you know?

02:27:30.000 It's, um, human beings are so strange in that there's certain, like, patterns of behavior that people get stuck in.

02:27:40.000 Where they just can't stop eating, or they can't stop gambling.

02:27:44.000 It's emotional.

02:27:46.000 They can't stop.

02:27:47.000 Whatever it is, they can't stop.

02:27:49.000 They can't stop watching porn. 1.00

02:27:51.000 They can't stop whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

02:27:52.000 They can't stop. 0.99

02:27:53.000 They just get trapped, and they just can't stop eating.

02:27:56.000 It's wild.

02:27:58.000 It's a wild thing.

02:28:01.000 The calculating aspects of the human brain, all the emotions and all the different hormones and all the cascade of neural functions, all these things that are happening simultaneously.

02:28:12.000 And then something leads you to just want to stuff your face all the time.

02:28:17.000 And you can't stop.

02:28:19.000 It's wild.

02:28:20.000 Yep.

02:28:21.000 It's just a wild thing that the human brain can vary so much. 0.99

02:28:25.000 You know, you could be Elon Musk, who's running five different corporations, or you could be a guy who's, like, sitting on a couch who can't shit. 0.99

02:28:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:32.000 He can't get up to shit. 1.00

02:28:33.000 He has to shit where he lays. 1.00

02:28:35.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

02:28:35.000 Like, in the one day, it must be like, I can't get up to shit anymore. 1.00

02:28:38.000 I just have to shit right here. 0.99

02:28:39.000 Right. 0.99

02:28:40.000 And, you know, it's also, like, really hard on your family, too.

02:28:44.000 Oh, my God.

02:28:44.000 It's like any addiction.

02:28:45.000 You know, they suffer as well, so...

02:28:47.000 Well, and also, it's oftentimes a lot of people in the family have the same addiction.

02:28:51.000 True.

02:28:52.000 That's the kind of household that it was.

02:28:56.000 Food was the answer for a lot of things.

02:28:58.000 See, I'd rather watch Swamp People.

02:29:00.000 I watched that too.

02:29:01.000 That to me is wild.

02:29:02.000 And Naked and Afraid.

02:29:03.000 I love that show.

02:29:04.000 Do you watch that?

02:29:04.000 I've watched that a few times.

02:29:06.000 You know what my biggest revelation is?

02:29:08.000 What?

02:29:08.000 Naked and Afraid.

02:29:09.000 These people, they're all professional survivalists.

02:29:12.000 But you take away shoes from people, and we are right back to cave people.

02:29:17.000 Whoever invented shoes or sandals, this guy, honestly, this person, whoever it was, that really gave us at least...

02:29:26.000 Not equal footing with the animals, but, like, we were able to move around without, like, ow, ooh.

02:29:31.000 But supposedly, back in the day, our feet were like rocks.

02:29:34.000 Like, honestly, talk about, like, you know, you could, like, step on coals and, like, it wouldn't bother you.

02:29:39.000 You ever see what feet look like of people that walk barefoot through, like, the jungle?

02:29:42.000 Like a hand.

02:29:43.000 Yeah, they splay out.

02:29:44.000 Oh, man. 0.94

02:29:45.000 Crazy.

02:29:46.000 It's really wild.

02:29:47.000 Pull up some of the feet of people that live.

02:29:49.000 They develop these muscles in their feet that are just like a thumb muscle.

02:29:54.000 They push down on stuff.

02:29:55.000 And so when they're moving around things, they have real contact with the ground. 0.99

02:29:59.000 We have these bitch-ass feet that have been in a cast our whole lives. 1.00

02:30:04.000 I have terrible feet, too. 1.00

02:30:05.000 Look at that.

02:30:06.000 That's crazy, man.

02:30:07.000 Look at that.

02:30:08.000 Like a hand.

02:30:09.000 Like a hobbit.

02:30:09.000 Like a hobbit foot.

02:30:11.000 Crazy.

02:30:11.000 And imagine how strong those things are.

02:30:13.000 They probably choke you to death with those things. 0.97

02:30:15.000 He could, like, whatever up a tree just using his feet.

02:30:18.000 Like, you can't really do that.

02:30:19.000 Right.

02:30:19.000 They probably have, like, incredible grip with their toes.

02:30:23.000 What is that?

02:30:24.000 That's like a disease.

02:30:25.000 Yeah, it's like leprosy or something.

02:30:28.000 That's it.

02:30:28.000 That's the feet.

02:30:29.000 That's weird.

02:30:30.000 What does it say?

02:30:33.000 Hoorani Indian? 0.99

02:30:35.000 How do you say that?

02:30:37.000 Hoorani.

02:30:38.000 Hoorani?

02:30:38.000 Hoorani Indian with splayed feet.

02:30:41.000 Yeah.

02:30:42.000 Yeah, it's like my friend Steve Brinella.

02:30:45.000 He was in the...

02:30:46.000 I think he was in Bolivia.

02:30:48.000 Something like that.

02:30:48.000 And he found a bunch of people that lived like that.

02:30:52.000 Walking around barefoot.

02:30:53.000 You're not going to be able to crock your way through that kind of a foot.

02:30:56.000 That foot is like a stallion.

02:30:59.000 You can't break that foot.

02:31:00.000 That foot will never be in a shoe.

02:31:01.000 How bad is that foot?

02:31:02.000 One of them pointy toes, dancing shoes?

02:31:04.000 Oh, my God.

02:31:06.000 Oh, what is that?

02:31:06.000 Wow.

02:31:08.000 The ostrich tribe of rare two-toes.

02:31:10.000 Oh, like the lobster people.

02:31:12.000 Wow, but it's only their feet.

02:31:14.000 Wow.

02:31:15.000 Amazing.

02:31:16.000 Quite a few people have that.

02:31:18.000 That's crazy.

02:31:20.000 Wow.

02:31:21.000 Dude, what a way to end it, huh?

02:31:23.000 What a way to end it.

02:31:24.000 Weird feet.

02:31:25.000 Yeah, man.

02:31:26.000 You ever put a ball on and you step on it?

02:31:29.000 Yeah, those are great.

02:31:30.000 Talk about opening your brain, man.

02:31:33.000 You feel like, wow, I can do algebra or something.

02:31:37.000 You know what I started wearing recently is shoes with a wide toe box.

02:31:41.000 I've been wearing those more. 0.99

02:31:43.000 I've got these fucking things on right now. 0.99

02:31:44.000 They have like, uh, they're ultras I guess? 0.99

02:31:47.000 Yeah.

02:31:47.000 They have like a wide toe box so your toes can move around.

02:31:50.000 Oh that's good.

02:31:51.000 Yeah.

02:31:52.000 Yeah, no, my feet are terrible.

02:31:53.000 It's like, that's another like, uh, I guess you could say like occupational, like, I don't know, I guess standing on my feet.

02:32:00.000 Yeah.

02:32:00.000 You know, all the time, you know, whatever.

02:32:02.000 It's just not, I could just feel it like by the end of the, ah, it's like, oh man, not good, you know?

02:32:07.000 Do you think you'll ever get to a point where you're on a scooter on stage?

02:32:10.000 On a scooter.

02:32:11.000 Oh, yes.

02:32:13.000 Because clubs now, they have that lift.

02:32:15.000 So I was like, oh, we got to do it.

02:32:16.000 Disneyland scooter.

02:32:17.000 Just scoot up.

02:32:18.000 That would be awesome.

02:32:19.000 Right there.

02:32:21.000 That would be great.

02:32:22.000 And the opener can wheel me out.

02:32:24.000 Here he is, everybody.

02:32:26.000 Watch out.

02:32:26.000 I'm taking off the tarp.

02:32:28.000 And then there he is.

02:32:29.000 Would you have the opener wheel you out, or would you have one that's remote controlled?

02:32:34.000 I would like to do, well, you know, with me and the smoking, so I'll probably have a tracheotomy by then, but I would love to do crowd work, like, where are you from?

02:32:41.000 You know, like, what's...

02:32:43.000 Do they still do those?

02:32:46.000 What?

02:32:46.000 These things where you talk with a thing under your throat.

02:32:50.000 Hey, everybody.

02:32:51.000 You know, you have two.

02:32:52.000 How have they not come up with an artificial throat?

02:32:56.000 Yeah, and you can change your voice.

02:32:58.000 You should be working on that.

02:32:59.000 Like one of those...

02:33:01.000 Learn a language things, you know, like one of those apps.

02:33:04.000 You can roll your R's. 0.57

02:33:06.000 But, yeah, no, I could totally see that happening.

02:33:09.000 You know, I bought a new walker for my mom, and, like, the one that we got was, like, off-road, so, like, now she can really go anywhere, so it's kind of cool.

02:33:18.000 Like, you know, it's got these big mag wheels on it.

02:33:20.000 Like, she's, like, basically, it's like an APC of, like, walkers, you know? 0.93

02:33:24.000 Like, she can, like, handle, like, you know...

02:33:26.000 Remember those things that everybody would scoot around on, like a hoverboard with a handle?

02:33:31.000 What were those things called, Jamie?

02:33:33.000 Segways.

02:33:34.000 Yeah.

02:33:35.000 Remember those that were going to take over?

02:33:36.000 Yeah, what happened?

02:33:37.000 The Segways went away, and they got replaced by the scooter.

02:33:40.000 I still see them every day in downtown Austin, like on tours.

02:33:43.000 Oh, they have Segway tours?

02:33:44.000 A Segway tour.

02:33:45.000 That's the only place I've ever seen them.

02:33:46.000 That's San Francisco, too. 0.99

02:33:47.000 Didn't somebody famous eat shit when the power went off and they went forward? 0.99

02:33:52.000 And they got hurt? 0.99

02:33:54.000 I think with those things, the problem is if the power goes off, if it dies, you're on this gyroscope, right?

02:34:02.000 Was it like George Bush or something like that?

02:34:03.000 The millionaire owner of the Segway has died after falling off a cliff.

02:34:09.000 Yeah, the guy who invented it.

02:34:11.000 He's an interesting guy.

02:34:12.000 This guy's like a mad inventor.

02:34:14.000 He fell off a cliff?

02:34:16.000 Sad story.

02:34:17.000 He's an interesting guy.

02:34:19.000 Oh my god.

02:34:20.000 He died in a scooter cliff fall. 1.00

02:34:23.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:34:26.000 Riding one of his firm's motorized scooters, he fell off a fucking cliff. 1.00

02:34:31.000 Or was he pushed? 0.99

02:34:33.000 What does it say?

02:34:34.000 Hold on, go back to that.

02:34:35.000 Segway boss died in an act of courtesy.

02:34:38.000 What?

02:34:39.000 He was thinking of a way of a dog walker.

02:34:40.000 Oh my god.

02:34:41.000 Wow.

02:34:42.000 Trying to make way for a dog walker.

02:34:44.000 And he went off a cliff.

02:34:46.000 Man. 1.00

02:34:48.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:34:49.000 And on that note, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

02:34:50.000 That is sad.

02:34:52.000 Performing all around the world.

02:34:54.000 Joe, great to see you, man.

02:34:55.000 Always good to see you, brother.

02:34:56.000 You were not wrong about George Bush, by the way.

02:34:58.000 Oh, it was George Bush.

02:34:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:59.000 Oh, so he did eat shit. 1.00

02:35:02.000 Somewhere. 1.00

02:35:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:04.000 Yeah, he's a bike guy, I thought.

02:35:07.000 Oh man, imagine doing mushrooms to push.

02:35:12.000 Joe, thanks for having me, man.

02:35:13.000 David Tell, you're the man.

02:35:14.000 Love you to death.

02:35:15.000 Can I shout out to the fans?

02:35:17.000 Shout out to the fans.

02:35:18.000 For all of you who've come to see me, thank you so much for...

02:35:25.000 Basically, well, thank you, Joe, for getting the word out on me, and I appreciate it, because they've definitely come down, and they've said, you've got to go on, Joe, and, you know, I'd love to hear you on Joe, and Joe talks about you, so thanks for, you know, basically...

02:35:37.000 You're one of the best comics alive, man, and please, people, go see him.

02:35:40.000 Where are you playing next?

02:35:41.000 Where are you at?

02:35:41.000 Well, I think I'll be heading over to get my leg cramp.

02:35:46.000 Give or take a leg cramp.

02:35:48.000 We'll have a play next time.

02:35:50.000 I don't know.

02:35:51.000 It's up there on my site.

02:35:52.000 Davetail.com.

02:35:55.000 There it is.

02:35:56.000 I got a lot of dates.

02:35:57.000 DC Improv coming up next.

02:35:59.000 October.

02:36:00.000 First weekend of October.

02:36:02.000 DC Improv.

02:36:03.000 Oh, Skankfest in Las Vegas.

02:36:06.000 That should be fun.

02:36:06.000 Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Michigan.

02:36:09.000 October 2021. Beautiful.

02:36:13.000 Louisville Comedy Club.

02:36:14.000 All those are up.

02:36:15.000 Helium coming up in St. Louis.

02:36:17.000 All those are up on davitel.com.

02:36:19.000 Go see him. 1.00

02:36:20.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

02:36:21.000 And Joe, I can't wait for the club to be open. 1.00

02:36:23.000 I'm excited to have you.

02:36:24.000 I definitely want to come out and check it out, dude.

02:36:27.000 Lots of fun.

02:36:27.000 Honestly, thank you.

02:36:28.000 Thank you.

02:36:28.000 My pleasure.

02:36:29.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 27, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1874 - Dave Attell

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript