The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:14.000 And one must be sober for a month.

00:00:16.000 Must one work out every day?

00:00:19.000 Isn't that part of it too?

00:00:20.000 Must one work out every day.

00:00:21.000 Yeah.

00:00:22.000 One must work out.

00:00:23.000 One must burn 500 calories in a workout every single day.

00:00:28.000 Seven days a week.

00:00:30.000 365 days.

00:00:31.000 Well, 60. 30. 30 days.

00:00:35.000 I'm already expanding.

00:00:39.000 So is there a contest about who can burn the most calories?

00:00:43.000 No.

00:00:43.000 We're not doing that because we go crazy.

00:00:45.000 Yeah.

00:00:45.000 The problem with contests is they absorb your whole life.

00:00:48.000 Yeah.

00:00:48.000 And everybody except Ari has a family and obligations and jobs and podcasts and different things they have to do.

00:00:56.000 We did it one year, the contest, and it was pretty obvious halfway in that we were fucked. 0.94

00:01:01.000 I remember you got behind, and then you just powered through and came from behind with some crazy workouts. 0.95

00:01:10.000 Well, I was never really behind.

00:01:12.000 I mean, I might have been behind for like a day.

00:01:16.000 In the beginning, we were trying to figure out how much we were going to burn.

00:01:19.000 Because we were using this MyZones thing, so it's like you wear a chest strap.

00:01:24.000 And the chest strap gives you points with the application for however many minutes you are at 80% of your max heart rate versus 90% of your max heart rate, like 90 is 2 points, 80 is 1 or something like that.

00:01:37.000 Yeah.

00:01:38.000 And...

00:01:40.000 Ari figured out that he could watch TV while you were doing cardio.

00:01:45.000 So he watched movies on an iPad while he was doing cardio.

00:01:48.000 And he ran up a big number, like 400 in a day. 1.00

00:01:52.000 We were like, fuck! 0.99

00:01:53.000 That's a big number. 1.00

00:01:54.000 That was like two movies.

00:01:56.000 And so then we really started getting crazy.

00:01:59.000 And then one day I did 1100 points.

00:02:02.000 I did seven hours of cardio. 1.00

00:02:04.000 No shit! 0.99

00:02:07.000 Mostly what? 1.00

00:02:08.000 Running?

00:02:08.000 No, mostly elliptical machine.

00:02:10.000 Because you could watch movies.

00:02:12.000 So I watched John Wick like 50 times.

00:02:14.000 I kept rewinding it to the scene in the bathhouse where he kills everybody.

00:02:20.000 Just because it's so adrenaline-filled, you can keep going.

00:02:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:23.000 I watched some fights, I watched a bunch of shit, and it's like, it just got too crazy. 0.99

00:02:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:28.000 We were losing our minds.

00:02:29.000 All right.

00:02:30.000 We were really losing our minds. 0.99

00:02:31.000 We were talking a lot of shit to each other, and Tom got sick, Tom got the flu, and then the day he got better from the flu, he ran 13 miles. 1.00

00:02:38.000 No shit! 1.00

00:02:40.000 The day he got better, he ran 13 miles through his neighborhood, through the hills. 1.00

00:02:45.000 Damn. 0.99

00:02:45.000 That's different than a treadmill. 0.99

00:02:47.000 13 miles on the street is like...

00:02:49.000 That's real.

00:02:50.000 Yeah.

00:02:51.000 Yeah, we went crazy.

00:02:53.000 Yeah.

00:02:53.000 And like if that kept going, imagine if we had it for like six months.

00:02:58.000 We had a fitness contest for six months and at the end of six months you win like a million dollars.

00:03:03.000 Yeah.

00:03:05.000 You could have got a sponsor for that.

00:03:08.000 Easy.

00:03:08.000 Yeah.

00:03:09.000 The problem is it would become your whole life.

00:03:11.000 We would go crazy.

00:03:12.000 And Burt would die.

00:03:14.000 Burt would for sure have a heart attack.

00:03:15.000 Or he would just be content coming in last like he did last time. 1.00

00:03:19.000 He talked a lot of shit and came in last. 1.00

00:03:20.000 He did. 1.00

00:03:21.000 Yeah.

00:03:22.000 Yeah.

00:03:24.000 Yeah, it seems like a great idea for your, like for me, working out is just for my head. 0.98

00:03:30.000 I don't even give a shit. 0.96

00:03:31.000 I mean, this body I was naturally born with. 0.99

00:03:33.000 It's a gift.

00:03:33.000 Congratulations.

00:03:34.000 But my brain, if I work out, man, I just feel happy.

00:03:38.000 And if I don't, I get depressed.

00:03:40.000 So one of the things we talked about, Tom and I talked about specifically, was that When you do a lot of cardio in a day, like four hours of cardio in a day, he goes, all the internal chatter just goes away.

00:03:51.000 I go, yeah, there's no negative talk.

00:03:54.000 There's no anxiety and angst.

00:03:56.000 And I really wonder how much of that that people walk around with all day could be fixed with cardio.

00:04:02.000 It could be fixed with rigorous exercise.

00:04:06.000 They say weightlifting helps anxiety, too.

00:04:09.000 They say strength training does.

00:04:11.000 But for me, it's like cardio.

00:04:14.000 Cardio seems to put me in this place where it's just like, whatever. 0.99

00:04:19.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:04:20.000 It's just a really peaceful... 0.99

00:04:23.000 It, like, balances out what's really important to think about and worry about versus, like, things that are just sort of bouncing around in your head.

00:04:32.000 You don't know if I should pay attention to that one or that one, and what should I freak out about the most?

00:04:37.000 Like, every time I watch the news, every time I look at the news, I'm like, how engaged do I get here?

00:04:43.000 Do I freak out about Russia?

00:04:45.000 Am I gonna freak out and then my whole day will be a freakout? 0.97

00:04:48.000 Or do I recognize that there's not a goddamn thing I can do about this? 0.86

00:04:52.000 And just casually be aware of it and hope it doesn't explode. 0.95

00:04:57.000 That's the dilemma.

00:04:58.000 Basically every day. 0.98

00:04:59.000 With wild shit like the Russia-Ukraine war, most of the time I look at the news, I'm like, how much am I going to engage with this? 0.98

00:05:08.000 And not just the news, but everything in your life. 0.99

00:05:11.000 I have to do it when I listen.

00:05:13.000 I listen to books about the Civil War, because I listen to audiobooks when I go to sleep at night.

00:05:17.000 It's the only way I can sleep.

00:05:19.000 I try to find the dullest nonfiction available with a good British author, and it just puts me right to sleep.

00:05:28.000 So I've probably listened to 50 Non-fiction books in the last five, ten years.

00:05:35.000 Do you fall asleep with the headphones on?

00:05:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:38.000 Is that a problem?

00:05:39.000 It is.

00:05:40.000 Do you have dreams?

00:05:41.000 No, no, no.

00:05:42.000 I set a timer.

00:05:43.000 It goes off after 45 minutes.

00:05:45.000 You got some guy talking to you about some guy bleeding out from a musket wound in the woods.

00:05:51.000 He got shot by his own cousin because they're on the wrong side of the Mississippi.

00:05:55.000 Dude, the one I just listened to was about Jesse James.

00:05:58.000 It was pretty badass.

00:05:59.000 Jesse James was born in Missouri and Missouri during the Civil War.

00:06:05.000 When you picture the Civil War, you picture like there was the Confederate States and there was the Union States and they fought.

00:06:13.000 No. 0.99

00:06:14.000 Missouri, fucking, this family was Confederate, this one was Unionist. 1.00

00:06:19.000 And they would just go kill each other. 1.00

00:06:22.000 It was random.

00:06:23.000 And there was marauding packs of guys like Jesse James.

00:06:26.000 It was the Jesse James gang.

00:06:28.000 It was him and his brother Frank and these other guys.

00:06:31.000 And they would just...

00:06:32.000 They had like...

00:06:35.000 The press kind of like made heroes of them because they said that they were like Robin Hood.

00:06:42.000 They were given to the poor because, you know, they gave a couple of widows some money that they mostly kept. 0.99

00:06:47.000 They killed fucking thousands of people and kept all the money. 0.99

00:06:51.000 Did you ever read – you read me Malcolm Gladwell? 1.00

00:06:54.000 Yeah.

00:06:55.000 You read that thing that Malcolm Gladwell talked about with, like, the honor societies that lived in, like, Appalachia and how many of them were involved in feuds that led to, like, mass murders? 0.99

00:07:07.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

00:07:08.000 Really? 1.00

00:07:09.000 Yeah.

00:07:09.000 But the psychology behind this, the most fascinating thing, he was saying that these people come, like, they emigrated from a part of the world Where they were herders, like they're herded animals.

00:07:21.000 And when you herded animals, you had a very different reaction to transgressions than someone who like say was a farmer.

00:07:30.000 Because someone couldn't steal your farm.

00:07:32.000 Yeah.

00:07:33.000 But they could steal your animals. 0.75

00:07:34.000 Right.

00:07:35.000 So you had to be violent in your defense of your property.

00:07:40.000 Yeah.

00:07:40.000 Because it could be gathered up by somebody else.

00:07:42.000 So you had to constantly be vigilant and you had to be very wary of intruders because people did that all the time.

00:07:46.000 Yeah.

00:07:47.000 When they come in, they would steal all your sheep.

00:07:48.000 So when they came over to America... 0.98

00:07:52.000 They carried that ethic about conflict.

00:07:55.000 They were to the death.

00:07:57.000 They would go to the death.

00:07:59.000 They would come for you.

00:08:00.000 And that's just the way they lived. 0.96

00:08:02.000 Like if you stole from them, they would kill you. 0.99

00:08:04.000 If you insulted them, they would kill you. 0.95

00:08:07.000 And they were all living in the Appalachians. 0.97

00:08:10.000 Wow.

00:08:11.000 So these folks were just like, if you think about that part of the world, like why is it so uniquely violent?

00:08:16.000 Yeah.

00:08:16.000 Well, it's because those people...

00:08:18.000 And clannish.

00:08:18.000 Yeah.

00:08:19.000 Yeah.

00:08:19.000 They emanated from this population of people that grew up having to defend their animals.

00:08:24.000 It completely makes sense.

00:08:25.000 What were they like?

00:08:26.000 Scottish, mostly?

00:08:27.000 That's a good question.

00:08:30.000 I think they were Irish and Scottish.

00:08:32.000 Which also makes sense. 1.00

00:08:33.000 Wild ass drunks. 1.00

00:08:35.000 Yep. 0.99

00:08:35.000 Constantly involved in fights. 0.99

00:08:36.000 A long history of warfare.

00:08:38.000 Yep.

00:08:38.000 Those are wild people, man.

00:08:40.000 Wild fucking people. 1.00

00:08:42.000 You think about the people that are there are the descendants of people who've lived there thousands of years. 1.00

00:08:49.000 That's what's so crazy about Europe as opposed to America.

00:08:52.000 If you're not a Native American tribesperson who's on your family's land...

00:08:57.000 And it's been that land for hundreds of years.

00:09:00.000 Everyone's from somewhere else. 1.00

00:09:01.000 Yeah.

00:09:01.000 But if you're living in Scotland, there's a good chance that someone 400 years ago from your family also lived in Scotland.

00:09:09.000 Right.

00:09:10.000 Which is wild!

00:09:11.000 Yeah.

00:09:12.000 To the point, we were talking about this the other day.

00:09:14.000 When is there going to be, like, I don't know how this works, but I know that when they do a genetic test, they can find out some of your family's from Eastern Europe.

00:09:22.000 You have this percentage of Eastern Europe genes, this percentage of genes from Asia.

00:09:27.000 They can do that with, like, a 23andMe, right?

00:09:29.000 Right.

00:09:30.000 At what point in time is there an American gene?

00:09:33.000 At what point in time, like, how many generations do we have to stay in this one spot?

00:09:38.000 Or is it just such a constant melting pot with people constantly moving into here that it never will be, like...

00:09:45.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:46.000 Like, is it possible that people could say, oh, your ancestors came from America?

00:09:50.000 Yeah.

00:09:50.000 Is that even possible?

00:09:52.000 That is funny because I'll ask people in the audience, like, what's your ethnicity?

00:09:56.000 And they say white. 1.00

00:09:57.000 And I just look at them going like, what the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

00:10:01.000 And they'll be like a black person sitting right next to them and they'll be like, white! 1.00

00:10:05.000 I'm white! 1.00

00:10:07.000 It's fucking great! 0.99

00:10:11.000 What's your ethnicity? 1.00

00:10:14.000 White is not an ethnicity, right? 0.94

00:10:16.000 Isn't that odd?

00:10:17.000 Yeah.

00:10:18.000 It's kind of odd that Latino is an ethnicity. 0.99

00:10:22.000 African American is an ethnicity.

00:10:25.000 Asian is an ethnicity.

00:10:27.000 But that's not like being white. 0.71

00:10:30.000 Like if you say...

00:10:32.000 German is just white, right? 1.00

00:10:34.000 Irish is just white. 1.00

00:10:35.000 He's a white guy.

00:10:36.000 Well, you would say probably Saxon. 1.00

00:10:40.000 Who the fuck would say Saxon? 0.99

00:10:42.000 I'd be like, get out of my office! 1.00

00:10:45.000 Tad.

00:10:46.000 Tad with the whale belt and the shirt tucked in.

00:10:48.000 Well, my ancestry is Saxton.

00:10:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:51.000 Get the fuck out of his office. 1.00

00:10:53.000 Well, mine, I guess the Irish, a lot of the Irish are Normans. 0.99

00:10:58.000 The Norman invasions that were in like the 11th century or something came over. 0.90

00:11:02.000 And so like Fitzsimmons, the name Fitzsimmons literally means bastard son of. 0.98

00:11:08.000 Anytime you hear Fitz, that means bastard son of. 0.94

00:11:11.000 So originally it was Simmons, which was like wherever the Normans came from. 0.95

00:11:16.000 I guess that would be the French area or north.

00:11:20.000 And so they would come in and they would steal a parcel of land from the Irish and they would say, Simmons, this is yours now. 0.98

00:11:28.000 Now you're Fitzsimmons.

00:11:29.000 Wow.

00:11:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:30.000 So I'm a bastard. 1.00

00:11:32.000 Wow. 1.00

00:11:35.000 Remember Greg Fitzgerald?

00:11:38.000 No, Dave Fitzgerald.

00:11:39.000 Dave Fitzgerald.

00:11:40.000 Yeah.

00:11:40.000 That's right, Dave Fitzgerald.

00:11:41.000 Dave Fitzgerald was a good comic.

00:11:43.000 Dave Fitzgerald was one of the first guys that I ever saw that went straight from the Alcoholics Anonymous program to stand-up.

00:11:50.000 Yeah.

00:11:51.000 Because AA, for a lot of guys, acted as an open mic.

00:11:54.000 Yeah.

00:11:55.000 Like Dick Daugherty.

00:11:56.000 Dick Daugherty got through comedy from AA. Yeah.

00:11:59.000 A lot of those guys did.

00:12:00.000 Yeah.

00:12:01.000 Yeah, the AA rooms launched many careers.

00:12:04.000 I would name names, but it's like literally the last thing you're supposed to do.

00:12:08.000 Yeah, you're not supposed to do that.

00:12:09.000 Dave used to talk about it on stage.

00:12:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:12.000 He would talk about it.

00:12:12.000 And also, he's not with us anymore.

00:12:14.000 He was a funny guy.

00:12:16.000 That was a bummer, man.

00:12:17.000 He used to get standing o's as the feature act. 1.00

00:12:20.000 How do you like to follow that fucking guy? 0.99

00:12:22.000 He was solid. 1.00

00:12:24.000 And he had that voice.

00:12:25.000 Yeah, he was very like great comedic timing, really wrote hard, was a real good writer.

00:12:32.000 Yeah.

00:12:33.000 I think it was a postal worker, wasn't he?

00:12:35.000 I don't remember.

00:12:36.000 Because a lot of those Boston comics, like, they had good civil service jobs, and then they would do stand-up at night, and they'd be driving up to Maine with us on a Tuesday night, making 75 bucks, and then they'd have to get up the next morning and do their real job. 0.98

00:12:51.000 Well, the thing about Boston is, like, if you're a bum, they make you feel like shit. 0.99

00:12:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:56.000 People up there work. 1.00

00:12:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:58.000 They fucking work. 0.99

00:12:59.000 Right. 0.99

00:12:59.000 And so if you're going to just become a comic and you're going to quit your job at the post office, you know how hard your uncle worked to get you that job at the post office? 0.99

00:13:08.000 Exactly.

00:13:08.000 How many strings he had to pull?

00:13:10.000 Yeah.

00:13:10.000 And then you're in, but you don't want to be in?

00:13:12.000 You want to be on the road?

00:13:13.000 Yeah.

00:13:13.000 So you're off in Maine for $75?

00:13:15.000 Yeah, you get one shot at the union.

00:13:17.000 Once you're in, you're in.

00:13:18.000 Once you're out, you're out.

00:13:19.000 That's it. 0.99

00:13:20.000 Yeah, and if you leave, boy, people will be mad at you because that is a good fucking job. 0.99

00:13:24.000 And you get good benefits. 0.99

00:13:26.000 You get increased pay every year.

00:13:29.000 Dude, unions bring a lot of happiness and security. 0.60

00:13:34.000 They definitely do.

00:13:35.000 Unions have got some problems, but they have to work out the problems because the business model of a union is solid.

00:13:41.000 Everything with people has problems.

00:13:43.000 Yeah.

00:13:43.000 Everything with people.

00:13:44.000 And everything with people where people can get into a position of power and control other people and decide, like, what other people can and can't do.

00:13:53.000 It's like...

00:13:54.000 Yeah.

00:13:55.000 And that's where unions are strong.

00:13:57.000 I mean, it's like you don't want...

00:14:00.000 Just money running everything because eventually money's gonna go why are we paying you this much?

00:14:05.000 We're gonna pay you less. 0.81

00:14:06.000 Yeah You know what if we just move our shit over to this cross this river over here We can get people to work for a dollar an hour. 0.98

00:14:12.000 Did you know that? 0.97

00:14:13.000 Yeah, it'll cost us this amount of money to move our plan over there But we'll get these people over there to work they work for almost nothing and that's what's really happening right now Yeah, it's because money became more important.

00:14:25.000 It's like Is there enough money?

00:14:29.000 Are you making enough money?

00:14:31.000 If you're doing well, like if you're the head of a corporation, you're doing well, what is this constant need to make more money next year?

00:14:38.000 Do you know how insane that is?

00:14:40.000 I know.

00:14:40.000 That's so insane that they always have to continue to make more money, and that's like the ethic of the corporation.

00:14:45.000 That's the whole reason to have a corporation.

00:14:47.000 You have a duty to your shareholders.

00:14:49.000 You're supposed to make more money.

00:14:51.000 Every quarter has to be more.

00:14:53.000 There can't be a quarter where you go, hey, we're rebuilding.

00:14:57.000 It's like the fall, the winter, the spring, the seasons.

00:15:00.000 No. 1.00

00:15:01.000 Fuck you, pay me. 1.00

00:15:02.000 Fuck you, pay me. 1.00

00:15:04.000 Every quarter is a summer. 1.00

00:15:06.000 There's no winter.

00:15:07.000 Yeah, no winter. 1.00

00:15:08.000 Fuck you, pay me. 1.00

00:15:09.000 Fuck you, pay me. 1.00

00:15:12.000 It's crazy that that's how medicine is run. 1.00

00:15:14.000 Yeah.

00:15:15.000 That's what sells medicine. 1.00

00:15:17.000 Right.

00:15:17.000 That's what sells everything.

00:15:18.000 That's what sells cars. 1.00

00:15:19.000 That's what's convincing you to get a new cell phone.

00:15:22.000 I got a new phone.

00:15:22.000 That's why it's funny when somebody like you gets rich.

00:15:24.000 Because you don't have the inclination to go, well, now I need twice as much of that.

00:15:30.000 Instead of that, like, I got to thank you.

00:15:31.000 Like, I did two shows for you this week at the thing, and you handed me some money.

00:15:35.000 And I got home, and I looked at it, and I was like, oh, Joe's ethos is, I got lucky...

00:15:40.000 Not lucky.

00:15:41.000 You earned it.

00:15:42.000 But you also, there was the luck of being in an industry of podcasting.

00:15:47.000 I got a lot of luck. 0.99

00:15:47.000 Which fucking exploded. 0.99

00:15:48.000 Yeah, I got a lot of luck. 0.99

00:15:49.000 As you were the guy that was working the hardest and being the best at it.

00:15:52.000 But because of that, you've decided to open a comedy club that I know you're not going to make a lot of money in, but you're going to do it because it's a great building, developmental experience for young comics.

00:16:04.000 It'll be a place of community.

00:16:06.000 It'll be a place where you can hang with your boys.

00:16:09.000 Exactly.

00:16:10.000 And it's not about the money.

00:16:12.000 And it's so rare that somebody comes into money like you did and actually just enjoys it and uses it for good.

00:16:19.000 It's a trick.

00:16:20.000 You can get sucked into it and they'll start thinking that it's the only thing.

00:16:23.000 It'll start talking to you like, this is all you need, Greg.

00:16:26.000 You just need me.

00:16:29.000 Make more and more of me.

00:16:31.000 Concentrate on me and you'll have more of me.

00:16:34.000 Wouldn't you like a yacht, Greg?

00:16:36.000 Wouldn't you like a yacht?

00:16:38.000 Oh look, another zero.

00:16:41.000 There's a man ahead of you in the line.

00:16:44.000 Who has more money?

00:16:46.000 We need to figure out a way to beat that man. 0.97

00:16:50.000 That man is weaker than you.

00:16:52.000 With comedy, man, the thing about it that I enjoy the most is the camaraderie and the fun and the new material and the putting on the good shows and having a good time with everybody.

00:17:04.000 And I'm like, that is something that...

00:17:08.000 I feel like when I moved here I'm like I want to invest in that.

00:17:11.000 Not just like invest in it in the sense of like do it all the time and do a lot of shows with my friends like you guys last night and you know we're gonna do Atlanta this weekend like just but also like to set a place where it's like encouraged supported and then you know that if you there's a clear path now it used to be you had to get a guy to help you and go on the road And,

00:17:37.000 you know, maybe if you did well at the club, they'd have you back to feature, and you ground it out for as many years as you could, and you try to get TV credits.

00:17:45.000 And some guys got TV credits before they really could headline, like me.

00:17:49.000 I had TV credits before I could headline.

00:17:51.000 So I was headlining, like, terrible.

00:17:53.000 Doing a bad job.

00:17:54.000 Because I really didn't have 45 solid minutes.

00:17:58.000 But now, with all these podcasts, particularly like with Kill Tony and all these other comedy podcasts, like if you're in the group of people and everybody talks about you and we're all having fun, we're doing shows together, you just get entered into the ecosystem.

00:18:14.000 Then you get featured on podcast, and then you get whatever it is, a Netflix.

00:18:18.000 As long as you're funny.

00:18:19.000 The whole thing is just being funny.

00:18:21.000 That's the hardest part.

00:18:23.000 And once it's there, my goal is to make it seem more obvious how you go from there to being a professional.

00:18:31.000 And then having it in a way where you're autonomous.

00:18:34.000 So you have your own podcast.

00:18:36.000 Because if you're autonomous, then you don't have to worry about not getting cast in this thing because you had a joke about that thing.

00:18:43.000 Because that holds people back. 1.00

00:18:45.000 And you start saying woke shit. 0.99

00:18:47.000 I know people that are like regular folks that will say woke shit either on stage or on Twitter because they want to affirm that they're in a part of this group of people that will continue to work in Hollywood. 0.99

00:19:00.000 So it's like, man, why are you saying that? 0.98

00:19:03.000 It's such an obvious thing to say. 0.99

00:19:05.000 You're saying this nonsensical fucking silly virtue signaling shit that everybody else says, but I know you're only doing it because you want to stay inside this group of people. 0.99

00:19:17.000 Yeah, and if your morality or your politics lines up with that type of thinking, do a joke that shows it. 0.99

00:19:26.000 Don't say it.

00:19:27.000 Don't state it.

00:19:28.000 And it's like— And they're stating something that's obvious, like racism is bad.

00:19:33.000 Yeah.

00:19:34.000 Right, right. 0.99

00:19:35.000 There's great ways to do jokes that show that racism is bad without ever having to, you know, put a fucking light on it. 0.97

00:19:43.000 But it's just like this thing that happens when people get scared. 0.95

00:19:49.000 And there's a lot of attacking going on, where people, they go to teams.

00:19:54.000 They get into this pattern and habit of joining teams.

00:19:59.000 And if you're in Team Hollywood, there's one way to decide about things.

00:20:03.000 It's the most progressive, most left-wing, most inclusive, most this, most that.

00:20:07.000 Poll it.

00:20:08.000 Poll it with young people. 1.00

00:20:09.000 Whatever kids in college think is the most important, that's what they're going to talk about. 1.00

00:20:13.000 And if you don't do that, you're fucked. 0.99

00:20:15.000 And what's funny about it is, That's not how most people think. 0.99

00:20:19.000 No, it's not.

00:20:19.000 I mean, we go to clubs in the Midwest.

00:20:21.000 We're going to Atlanta this weekend.

00:20:23.000 It's like, you go there, people aren't far right and they're not far left.

00:20:27.000 They're far in their garage.

00:20:29.000 They're far trying to get laid.

00:20:30.000 They're far trying to just get a raise.

00:20:32.000 Yes.

00:20:33.000 They want to go out with their friends and have fun.

00:20:36.000 They want to have a fun night on the town. 0.99

00:20:37.000 They want to fucking do sports. 1.00

00:20:39.000 They want to do shit that they like to do. 1.00

00:20:41.000 Most people don't give a fuck about most of these issues that everybody's freaking out about. 0.99

00:20:46.000 That's funny. 0.98

00:20:47.000 Sports is free of politics in that sense.

00:20:50.000 Like, there's not a team that you would... 1.00

00:20:53.000 Even when Tom Brady was a giant Trump supporter and people still loved him because he was just a bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:20:58.000 Even lefties who were football fans. 0.99

00:21:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:21:01.000 If he was thrown for Tampa Bay, you were fucking pumped. 0.99

00:21:04.000 Right. 1.00

00:21:05.000 You know, that's Tom motherfucking Brady, bitch. 1.00

00:21:07.000 Who cares who he's friends with? 1.00

00:21:08.000 Yeah.

00:21:08.000 Because he's that good.

00:21:09.000 It's like when Michael Jackson music comes on. 0.99

00:21:12.000 You know he might have been a pedophile, but it's like, damn, they still play it. 0.98

00:21:16.000 Although not for Colin Kaepernick. 0.99

00:21:19.000 I mean, there's an argument that he got driven out for his politics.

00:21:25.000 Well, that, I don't...

00:21:28.000 I mean, is that...

00:21:28.000 How is his performance?

00:21:30.000 I don't know enough about football to comment on that.

00:21:32.000 I mean, he was considered a first-rate starting quarterback.

00:21:36.000 And so they stopped using him because of his protests?

00:21:38.000 I mean, it's questionable.

00:21:40.000 I mean, obviously, it's quantifiable to some degree.

00:21:44.000 I mean, you can look at a quarterback's rating and stuff like that.

00:21:47.000 That's interesting.

00:21:48.000 But if he was the best... 0.99

00:21:49.000 If he was the LeBron James of quarterbacks, if he was just like this undeniable motherfucker of motherfucker quarterbacks, I bet he would have got away with it. 0.99

00:22:00.000 He was on the bubble. 0.99

00:22:04.000 He was not an elite quarterback.

00:22:07.000 He's not the best of the best.

00:22:09.000 That's a wild thing to be good at, man.

00:22:11.000 Quarterback? 1.00

00:22:12.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:22:14.000 Aaron Rodgers is a buddy of mine who's a very, very smart guy. 1.00

00:22:18.000 Shockingly smart and peaceful and at ease.

00:22:24.000 Very in-the-moment guy.

00:22:26.000 Very interesting guy.

00:22:27.000 Intense guy, too.

00:22:28.000 But he's one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

00:22:30.000 And that dude is just so present.

00:22:33.000 It's very interesting.

00:22:34.000 Very interesting.

00:22:36.000 Because that job, man, you've got super athletes running at you, full clip, trying to take you out, and you're throwing a ball at people.

00:22:44.000 And you're a supercomputer.

00:22:46.000 You've got thousands of configurations of plays in your head that you're communicating to ten other guys in the ten seconds you have in that huddle, and then you have choices.

00:22:58.000 You've got scenario A, scenario B, scenario C, scenario D, and you're scanning all of it like a supercomputer. 0.98

00:23:05.000 While fucking 280 pound guys are running at you. 0.97

00:23:09.000 And you have to have like laser pinpoint precision with a spiraling ball. 1.00

00:23:14.000 Yeah.

00:23:15.000 It's a wild way to make a living.

00:23:17.000 Yeah.

00:23:18.000 I can see it being addictive.

00:23:20.000 Like, I can see why Tom Brady left and came back.

00:23:22.000 I can see it.

00:23:23.000 Easily.

00:23:24.000 I mean, I don't know what's going on. 0.99

00:23:25.000 You know, you read these stories in the news, you don't know how much of it is horseshit. 0.97

00:23:29.000 But, uh... 0.98

00:23:31.000 I... Yeah. 1.00

00:23:33.000 Brett Favre is in deep shit. 0.99

00:23:34.000 What did he do? 1.00

00:23:35.000 Just like a welfare fraud thing?

00:23:37.000 Yeah, he was friends with the governor of, uh...

00:23:42.000 I don't know which governor it was.

00:23:45.000 What's that?

00:23:46.000 Mississippi.

00:23:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:48.000 Because he went to Southern Mississippi University or some college and his daughter's going there and she's a volleyball player and they needed a new gym or like a stadium for volleyball games.

00:24:00.000 And so he talked to the governor and they arranged to siphon money out of a fund that was like a welfare fund meant to feed poor people.

00:24:09.000 Ha! 0.89

00:24:10.000 And they took like $6 million out of it and built a stadium.

00:24:14.000 And there's a whole text chain just, I mean, plain as day.

00:24:19.000 He even says at one point, like, is there any chance we're going to get caught for doing this?

00:24:23.000 Oh, boy.

00:24:24.000 And the governor's like, nah, don't worry about it.

00:24:26.000 We're good.

00:24:27.000 Oh, no.

00:24:28.000 Yeah.

00:24:28.000 And I mean, you think about a guy like that.

00:24:31.000 What is he making?

00:24:31.000 $20 million a year?

00:24:33.000 If you want a fucking volleyball stadium for your kid, you got that money. 1.00

00:24:37.000 You got it. 1.00

00:24:38.000 Whew.

00:24:40.000 That's so crazy.

00:24:42.000 Yeah.

00:24:43.000 And he had a legacy.

00:24:44.000 That's like a jailable offense, isn't it?

00:24:48.000 Um...

00:24:50.000 I mean, is that one of those?

00:24:51.000 I mean, that seems like one of those ones that wouldn't just be a fine.

00:24:54.000 It seems like it.

00:24:55.000 If you're stealing from welfare?

00:24:58.000 Yeah.

00:24:58.000 Like, that's the kind of stuff people go away for, right?

00:25:01.000 Well, especially because one of the millions of dollars went directly to him.

00:25:05.000 Yeah.

00:25:06.000 So, like, some of it went to the school and one of the millions went directly to him.

00:25:10.000 And he's already so wealthy.

00:25:12.000 Yeah.

00:25:12.000 Imagine how much money he would pay to not have that happen.

00:25:17.000 He'd pay half his money.

00:25:19.000 Yeah, if this scandal was about to go down right now and people found out, like, how much would you pay to not have that happen?

00:25:25.000 Yeah.

00:25:27.000 Definitely more than a million.

00:25:28.000 Oh yeah.

00:25:29.000 He'd probably give you like two million. 1.00

00:25:31.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:25:31.000 Well, he's probably worth 30 or 40 million. 1.00

00:25:35.000 He'd probably give you half of that to not tarnish the reputation.

00:25:38.000 Forever.

00:25:39.000 And not only that, but might wind up in jail.

00:25:41.000 Yeah.

00:25:42.000 You know, there's a problem.

00:25:43.000 That needs to be addressed whenever it comes to football players, fighters, combat sports athletes, is that people with CTE oftentimes have very poor decision making.

00:25:55.000 It's very complex because everybody's version and severity of CTE is different.

00:26:03.000 But one of the side effects of having too many concussions is you become very impulsive.

00:26:09.000 And you start doing risky things, risky behaviors. 0.99

00:26:13.000 Sometimes people get addicted to substances and gambling and a lot of wild shit. 0.99

00:26:18.000 And it comes from like your brain being rattled. 0.99

00:26:22.000 Like it's just not working right.

00:26:24.000 Like you have all sorts of impulse control.

00:26:27.000 Makes sense.

00:26:28.000 So I think risky things like this might have been exciting, you know?

00:26:33.000 Like, you should have obviously morally known that's not the thing to do, but there's something, I think, for guys that have been hitting the head too many times, like risky things, like, oh, they just want... 0.51

00:26:44.000 If you're a guy and you've got all your jollies out of playing football, I mean you get all your jollies out of being this badass fucking quarterback or some badass running back and the amount of excitement On Super Bowl Day must be unfathomable to us mere mortals.

00:27:03.000 To us mere mortals, the excitement of being on that field and knowing that millions of people are going to be watching around the world. 0.97

00:27:11.000 Millions! 0.99

00:27:12.000 And there's 50, 60,000 people in that place screaming their fucking heads off. 0.99

00:27:16.000 And you're playing football at the highest level of the world. 1.00

00:27:20.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:27:21.000 You want a guy like that to just go back to normal life after he's been hit in the head 50 times? 1.00

00:27:27.000 Hey, I got my own mower now.

00:27:28.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ. 0.97

00:27:30.000 That guy is going to start gambling and going to whorehouses and storing coke and punching traffic attendants. 1.00

00:27:38.000 He's fucking bored out of his mind. 1.00

00:27:40.000 Look at Lenny Dykstra, man. 1.00

00:27:42.000 Shit. 1.00

00:27:42.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:27:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:44.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:27:45.000 How about fighters, man? 1.00

00:27:46.000 I mean, think about how excited you are to go to a Super Bowl.

00:27:50.000 Think about the excitement level that person has, and now you're the guy in the center of it.

00:27:54.000 And you got the possibility, if you win, of making an extra million in your bonus or whatever else.

00:27:59.000 There's so many factors going into that.

00:28:02.000 Yeah.

00:28:05.000 There's a lot going on, and retiring from that has got to be incredibly difficult.

00:28:14.000 And that pales in comparison to someone who they ship overseas to fight in war and then bring them back to America and then just say, alright, you're done.

00:28:27.000 Just go be normal now.

00:28:29.000 Also with the head injuries.

00:28:30.000 Yeah, would you have a hundred combat engagements with the enemy?

00:28:34.000 You know, how many times did you have to shoot people?

00:28:37.000 And then you come back over here and you're supposed to be normal.

00:28:41.000 And when I talk to guys that have served and experienced combat duty and then come over here, I'm like, how much counseling do you get?

00:28:48.000 It's very little.

00:28:49.000 Yeah.

00:28:50.000 Very little guidance.

00:28:51.000 Reach out if you need help.

00:28:52.000 There's numbers you can call.

00:28:53.000 But at the end of the day, it's like that's a complex transition to go from literal war, actual war, like shooting guns at enemy.

00:29:04.000 They're shooting guns at you.

00:29:05.000 You're in a foreign land situation.

00:29:07.000 You're going through mountains.

00:29:09.000 People are yelling things in languages you don't know.

00:29:11.000 And you're hearing guns going off.

00:29:13.000 And you might die today.

00:29:15.000 Or your friends might die today.

00:29:17.000 But for sure people you know are going to die.

00:29:19.000 And also part of your training, a big part of your training is to not feel.

00:29:23.000 Yeah.

00:29:24.000 And so now you're coming back and you're being asked, hey...

00:29:27.000 Talk to us.

00:29:28.000 Let us know how you're feeling.

00:29:30.000 Good to go, sir.

00:29:31.000 Yeah.

00:29:32.000 Right, right.

00:29:33.000 That's why they found that with trauma, with PTSD with soldiers, they found a thing called EMDR, which is a way of doing therapy that doesn't involve talk.

00:29:43.000 I mean, you talk...

00:29:45.000 But it's not about recognizing feelings.

00:29:47.000 It's about they give you...

00:29:49.000 It started with like, you remember like, watch this, the shrink would take the watch and go back and forth with it.

00:29:55.000 It's about connecting the two different sides of your brain together.

00:29:58.000 Have you ever been hypnotized?

00:29:59.000 No.

00:30:00.000 I have.

00:30:00.000 Really?

00:30:01.000 Yeah.

00:30:02.000 My friend Vinnie Shorman put me under.

00:30:04.000 He does hypnosis for a lot of fighters.

00:30:06.000 He's like a mind coach for fighters.

00:30:08.000 Very interesting guy.

00:30:09.000 Yeah.

00:30:10.000 And he explained to me what it was.

00:30:11.000 I go, all right, let's give it a shot.

00:30:12.000 So on my old studio, I lay down the couch and he talked me through like this, I forget exactly how he did it, but we went through this thing like, you know, you're going to be relaxed.

00:30:25.000 And next thing you know, I was in like a state of mind.

00:30:28.000 I was like, this is really fascinating.

00:30:30.000 It's almost like you have access with someone else.

00:30:35.000 When someone helps you and guides you, you have access to a state of mind that you don't achieve independently, or I didn't know how to achieve independently.

00:30:43.000 But it's an unusual state of mind.

00:30:45.000 It's a very real thing.

00:30:46.000 So when I got hypnotized, I was realizing as it was happening, this is interesting, because this is a very real thing.

00:30:51.000 So it was almost like you're on a drug.

00:30:54.000 It's like this drug that puts you in a different spot.

00:30:56.000 Like, oh, here's...

00:30:57.000 Let me unscrew you from your life.

00:31:01.000 I'm going to put you over here and now look at your life.

00:31:04.000 And I was like, wow.

00:31:05.000 I was like, oh, this is a real way of doing...

00:31:08.000 And then someone can talk to you logically.

00:31:10.000 And they can explain things to you and would make sense.

00:31:14.000 I think everybody's afraid they'd wake up with no pants on and like, what happened?

00:31:17.000 But I don't think it works like that.

00:31:19.000 So all of a sudden you're singing Madonna with no shirt on in front of a comedy club audience.

00:31:24.000 I don't think it works like that.

00:31:24.000 Yeah.

00:31:24.000 That was amazing, though.

00:31:26.000 We used to watch Frank Santos.

00:31:28.000 Frank Santos, yeah.

00:31:29.000 R-rated hypnotist from Rhode Island.

00:31:31.000 He was amazing.

00:31:32.000 His son does it now.

00:31:34.000 That's crazy.

00:31:34.000 Yeah.

00:31:35.000 And this guy, he would literally get...

00:31:38.000 But wait, but just to stay on that, like, so what did he walk you through?

00:31:42.000 Did you have an epiphany?

00:31:43.000 Like, how similar is it to, like, doing mushrooms or something like that?

00:31:46.000 It's like a kind of a drug, maybe a little bit, but it doesn't feel scary.

00:31:51.000 It just feels relaxed, and you have some additional clarity, but it does feel like with someone's guidance...

00:31:59.000 You're allowed to escape from your mind and from your life in a weird way.

00:32:04.000 I feel like that's what it is.

00:32:06.000 Like when someone's talking you through it, it's like there's a thing about someone, like you're letting someone guide your brain.

00:32:13.000 And this is what I said about comedy before too.

00:32:16.000 When someone's killing on stage, like when Joey Diaz is killing on stage, I'm thinking the way he's thinking.

00:32:21.000 That's why it's so fun.

00:32:23.000 It's because I'm not really calculating anything.

00:32:25.000 I'm letting him control my brain.

00:32:27.000 I'm letting him and his material take me for a ride.

00:32:30.000 And that's what a hypnotist is doing.

00:32:33.000 It's like you're letting them take you for this ride of peaceful, introspective thinking and clarity on your life.

00:32:41.000 That's how it felt to me.

00:32:43.000 I was like, so this is like a mindset that can be achieved this way.

00:32:47.000 I mean, maybe it could be achieved by yourself.

00:32:50.000 I don't know how to do it, but I don't know much about achieving psychedelic states through breathing.

00:32:55.000 I really haven't really tried much other than some yoga breathing exercises that make you feel a little high.

00:33:00.000 But people trip balls from breathing exercises.

00:33:04.000 Oh, yeah.

00:33:05.000 Yeah.

00:33:06.000 Well, you know, Annie Letterman's got some hypnotist that does finances. 1.00

00:33:11.000 That helps you deal.

00:33:13.000 Because money is everything.

00:33:14.000 They'd say psychologically it's a great place to start.

00:33:16.000 Like when you come into a shrink and you negotiate the price you're going to pay them, that's the first step of your therapy because they can tell so much about you by your relationship to money.

00:33:24.000 How much you hold on to it.

00:33:26.000 How much it scares you.

00:33:27.000 And so she's got this therapist that she's worked with that she says is amazing that puts her under and then...

00:33:33.000 She said she's made a lot of money since she started working with her.

00:33:36.000 Interesting.

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 Interesting.

00:33:39.000 So the therapist is a capitalist.

00:33:41.000 Yes.

00:33:42.000 Exactly.

00:33:44.000 Well, I would imagine if you are tripping yourself up less, you'll make more money.

00:33:51.000 If you're not getting in your own way.

00:33:53.000 Because one of the things you find about talented people that get freaked out by success is that they'll start to sabotage.

00:34:00.000 They'll start to fuck things up.

00:34:02.000 They'll show up, miss a flight. 0.97

00:34:05.000 They start getting a little crazy. 0.91

00:34:08.000 It's the fear of fucking up once you've already started becoming successful. 0.98

00:34:13.000 And people start becoming self-saboteurs. 0.97

00:34:16.000 Drugs.

00:34:16.000 If you just stop that from happening, you would just naturally have an escalation in your career.

00:34:23.000 If you're good and you're getting better, you'll continue to get better.

00:34:26.000 If you keep working, you keep showing discipline, you keep having new material, you'll be fine.

00:34:30.000 But along the way, it's the getting in your own way stuff that fucks people up.

00:34:35.000 And if your therapist could just pull that out, Stop getting your own way.

00:34:40.000 Just not alone, you'd make more money.

00:34:42.000 I think it also has to do with, like my father said to me when I was growing up, we're talking about how successful some people get.

00:34:49.000 And he said, everybody is at the level that they think they should be at.

00:34:54.000 And so you can start to become successful and get scared and go, I don't belong up there.

00:34:58.000 Right.

00:34:59.000 And so you have to somehow reframe where you see yourself ending up.

00:35:04.000 Yeah, or not think about it at all like I do.

00:35:07.000 Yeah.

00:35:08.000 Just don't think about it.

00:35:09.000 I think too many people think too much about where they want to be.

00:35:13.000 I just think you should think about being better at what you do.

00:35:16.000 I think being better at what you do is a real thing because being where you want to be, you never feel like you're there.

00:35:22.000 Trust me.

00:35:23.000 No matter where you go, you always want more.

00:35:25.000 It just never ends.

00:35:26.000 The only thing that makes sense to me is concentrating on being better at what you do.

00:35:32.000 So for me, it's like the things that I concentrate the most is like stand-up and podcasts.

00:35:37.000 And then with the UFC commentary...

00:35:40.000 Man, that job is like, I'm just lucky to be a professional fan.

00:35:44.000 So all I have to do is just like know who's fighting, what their styles are like, and the thing is playing out.

00:35:50.000 I mean, I have very little to do with the thing, you know?

00:35:53.000 So that job is just like a beautiful...

00:35:55.000 Being a fan, reaction job.

00:35:57.000 But for podcasts and comedy, if I started thinking about goals where I want to be in four years and this and that, then I'd be thinking about that instead of thinking about new material.

00:36:07.000 Or I'd be thinking about that instead of thinking about, I want to be stimulated by this kind of guest.

00:36:13.000 I want to talk to this guy about this subject.

00:36:15.000 I'm watching this documentary and maybe I can get him to expand on that and explain it to me.

00:36:21.000 That's the only way it's good to me.

00:36:23.000 And that's the only reason why I think it's good, period.

00:36:26.000 Why it works.

00:36:27.000 Because I don't think about it. 0.85

00:36:28.000 Every time I've been frustrated with where I'm at career-wise, I write some new shit, I go to the club, I do it, and all of a sudden something happens. 0.97

00:36:37.000 Yes! 0.96

00:36:37.000 It's not necessarily like there's some talent agent with a cigar in the back going, this kid's a star! 0.96

00:36:43.000 It's just more of an energy that you're putting out because your juices are flowing and your confidence is up because you're realizing what you're capable of.

00:36:51.000 You just have to overcome resistance.

00:36:54.000 And that's one of the terms that Steven Pressfield uses in The War of Art.

00:37:00.000 The War of Art, not to be confused with The Art of War.

00:37:02.000 Oh yeah, you gave me that book once.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, and he talks about resistance.

00:37:06.000 And that's, the resistance is the thing that keeps you from writing.

00:37:08.000 The resistance is the thing that keeps you from doing those sets that you know you should go do.

00:37:13.000 You know, oh man, it's Tuesday night, I want to go out.

00:37:15.000 Go do that set.

00:37:16.000 Do it.

00:37:17.000 Do it.

00:37:17.000 You need to do it.

00:37:18.000 And then write.

00:37:19.000 And then write.

00:37:20.000 And then the universe will reward you.

00:37:23.000 That feeling of resistance, the feeling you get when you write something new that you know is going to be funny is one of the best feelings ever.

00:37:29.000 It's so good. 0.99

00:37:31.000 You're like, oh shit, I got one. 1.00

00:37:33.000 It's like I caught a fish through the ice. 1.00

00:37:35.000 It's like getting late.

00:37:37.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

00:37:38.000 And so then you know that you were rewarded for overcoming that resistance. 0.65

00:37:43.000 But so often you just want to like jerk off or watch a movie or eat a pizza or play a video game. 1.00

00:37:50.000 But if you could just force yourself to sit in front of that fucking computer. 0.99

00:37:55.000 Whenever I do, I come up with something. 0.99

00:37:57.000 A punchline, a tagline, a new premise.

00:38:01.000 Something.

00:38:01.000 If I could just sit there for two hours, just two hours, just drink some coffee, smoke a little weed, and just sit there for two hours, something's gonna happen, man.

00:38:12.000 That's what's amazing.

00:38:13.000 When I look at people that, like you, Bill Burr, people that really, Louis C.K., people that really create at a high level.

00:38:22.000 Like, it is the ability to not eat that pizza or play that video game.

00:38:28.000 And there's something in most people that can't resist that. 0.96

00:38:31.000 And it goes back, I can remember being in college and having a fucking term paper due. 0.99

00:38:35.000 And instead, going out for a beer or jerking off or whatever. 0.98

00:38:39.000 And, you know, and I'm like, you know, I don't know what that is. 0.81

00:38:44.000 I don't know if that's completely innate or if that's something you can build on.

00:38:48.000 You can build on it.

00:38:49.000 100% you can build on it.

00:38:52.000 It's like what you were saying before about being as wealthy or successful, rather, as you think you should be.

00:38:58.000 That everyone is as successful as they think they should be eventually.

00:39:02.000 I think it's similar to that. 0.98

00:39:04.000 I think you just decide that you're this person that fucks things up and you continue to fuck things up because that's your past. 0.97

00:39:11.000 One thing I've said before that I had to learn very early on Because, you know, when I was a kid, I got bullied a lot and, you know, I was kind of very timid and worried about people kicking my ass because we moved around a lot. 0.98

00:39:25.000 And then I became a martial artist.

00:39:27.000 And then in the process of becoming a martial artist, I realized, like, I would still get nervous when I was around people who bullied me before when I was younger.

00:39:34.000 Like, I didn't feel like... 0.99

00:39:36.000 I should have been just like, hey, fuckface, but I was still nervous around them, even though I knew I could kill them. 0.98

00:39:42.000 I was still nervous around them because I programmed myself to feel like a loser when I was in this town when I was around these people when I was in like a certain like I had like a Triggered memory and I was like oh And it made me realize like you can decide you are your worst failures or you can decide that you're you you're you right now Don't hold on to that. 0.99

00:40:04.000 That's a valuable lesson. 1.00

00:40:06.000 It sucked when someone kicked your ass or when you fell on your ass and looked like a fucking loser in front of everybody. 1.00

00:40:12.000 But those moments are very important for who you are right now. 1.00

00:40:16.000 But it doesn't mean you're still that person.

00:40:18.000 Some people are never separate from their worst memories. 1.00

00:40:23.000 The biggest mistakes, getting their ass kicked in front of... 0.99

00:40:25.000 People have gotten their ass kicked in high school and never recovered. 1.00

00:40:29.000 Never recovered. 1.00

00:40:30.000 Have been a confidence mess their whole life. 1.00

00:40:33.000 Been shell-shocked from one ass kicking. 1.00

00:40:36.000 Especially if they deserved it. 1.00

00:40:38.000 You know, they're picking on some guy and he fucking beats their ass and he gets on YouTube. 1.00

00:40:41.000 Ooh! 1.00

00:40:43.000 You might never recover.

00:40:44.000 You will constantly be in your mind.

00:40:47.000 You at your worst moment. 1.00

00:40:49.000 Instead of having the ability to come back, talk to that guy and go, dude, I was a fucking piece of shit and thank you for kicking my ass. 1.00

00:40:57.000 You're right. 1.00

00:40:58.000 You're right.

00:40:59.000 I was in the wrong.

00:41:00.000 I shouldn't have been a bully. 0.99

00:41:01.000 I was a dick. 0.95

00:41:01.000 I don't even know why I'm doing it. 0.95

00:41:02.000 I'm only 17. I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:41:04.000 I'm growing and learning. 1.00

00:41:06.000 But I'm not your enemy.

00:41:08.000 That's a beautiful moment that everyone's denied.

00:41:12.000 You're not going to see that YouTube video. 1.00

00:41:14.000 You're only going to see the video of that guy who deserved it getting his ass kicked. 0.99

00:41:17.000 And for that guy, that moment, when people experience a bad moment in their life, That moment when it's something as brutal as getting your ass kicked when you deserved it, that could fucking define you forever. 0.99

00:41:32.000 Well, not only as a kid, but I think about... 0.96

00:41:35.000 We were talking about guys and women that have gone on SNL, and after a year or two, it doesn't work out, and then they just become ghosts in the comedy world.

00:41:44.000 And then you look at Shane Gillis...

00:41:47.000 Who didn't even get on the show, but had a traumatic experience of almost getting on the show, and how he dealt with that, and how he recovered, and how he rose from those ashes, and how he got stronger.

00:41:59.000 And then you got the guys that are still, that's still their credit, that they were on SNL, and you're like, I don't remember you on SNL, and it was like 12 years ago, and they never got back on the horse again.

00:42:09.000 They lost their confidence.

00:42:10.000 That SNL thing is a totally different environment, and if you've ever heard Jim Brewer talk about it, Jim talked about on this podcast that he would come up with premises for sketches and he'd be working on a sketch and so you have to put in like a database everything you're working on and other writers would steal those premises and write their own sketches on those premises and just like take just hamstring them yeah and he confronted them and there was like yelling and screaming and Eventually his wife talked him into leaving but Jim

00:42:40.000 Brewer is a great example though of a guy Who, because he left Saturday Night Live, people kind of slept on him.

00:42:47.000 And they forgot that he's one of the best comics alive.

00:42:50.000 That dude is so funny, man. 0.95

00:42:53.000 He's so fucking good. 0.84

00:42:55.000 And he's such a good guy. 0.98

00:42:59.000 What you see is what you get.

00:43:02.000 He's a rock-solid human being.

00:43:05.000 He's a great guy.

00:43:07.000 And he became more famous over time just through like the accumulation of videos getting out there because he doesn't promote himself.

00:43:16.000 He doesn't try. 0.99

00:43:17.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:43:18.000 He's like a genuine person. 1.00

00:43:19.000 He was happy to just go and he has a legion of fans so he can go sell out comedy clubs any fucking time he wants. 0.95

00:43:25.000 He shows up in here and there and he's just killing it for the weekend and goes back home to Jersey and relaxed. 0.96

00:43:30.000 Yeah, he's out in the country.

00:43:31.000 And then when the pandemic hit and all the craziness in Jersey, he bailed and went to Florida. 1.00

00:43:36.000 He's like, fuck it. 1.00

00:43:37.000 Oh, I didn't know that. 1.00

00:43:37.000 And now he's dead in a tornado. 1.00

00:43:38.000 Oh, sorry.

00:43:40.000 That's not funny.

00:43:40.000 Is he in Florida now?

00:43:41.000 Yeah, he's in Florida. 0.99

00:43:42.000 No shit. 1.00

00:43:43.000 Imagine if he died. 1.00

00:43:44.000 I feel like such a piece of shit. 1.00

00:43:45.000 The last stop. 1.00

00:43:46.000 Why don't I feel like, I should feel like a piece of shit that everybody died there. 0.99

00:43:49.000 There's like, how many deaths have happened in that hurricane? 0.99

00:43:50.000 I don't think that many.

00:43:52.000 Did you see Don Lemon was trying to talk some climate scientist into saying that this hurricane is because of climate science?

00:43:59.000 And he's like, I'm not – it's not exactly how it works.

00:44:03.000 I'm just trying to explain to you what is going on and this is the hurricane and we can cover that more broadly.

00:44:09.000 I know.

00:44:09.000 Every time there's a cold day, all of the climate deniers say, oh, where's your global warming?

00:44:15.000 And then every time there's a hurricane, everybody on the left is like, well, this is...

00:44:19.000 Dude, that is a complex issue.

00:44:23.000 Yeah.

00:44:23.000 That's a complex issue that we're in danger of getting ideologically boxed into.

00:44:29.000 Because no one is ever going to deny that climate change is going to have a giant effect on humans.

00:44:34.000 And it seems to be increasing.

00:44:36.000 No one's ever going to deny that?

00:44:38.000 There's a lot of people denying that.

00:44:39.000 Yeah, but no one's logical.

00:44:41.000 Right.

00:44:41.000 Like, it's happening.

00:44:42.000 But what I'm saying is, like, the temperature is rising.

00:44:44.000 Yeah.

00:44:46.000 Is why people want to ignore the fact that it's always done this.

00:44:50.000 Like humans have, without a doubt, we have an effect on that. 0.84

00:44:54.000 With carbon emissions are up and who knows what the fuck the gas is in the air and all the crazy shit we do with mass production and energy consumption.

00:45:03.000 But it's always been up and down.

00:45:04.000 I had this guy, Steve Coonan, on the podcast, who's a physicist, and he wasn't even a climate scientist.

00:45:11.000 He's just a guy who just decided to examine the models.

00:45:13.000 And he's like, if you go thousands of years, it's all crazy.

00:45:17.000 It's all like this and that.

00:45:19.000 It's up by this many degrees and down by that many degrees.

00:45:22.000 It's never stable, ever. 0.99

00:45:24.000 When there was humans living in fucking caves, it was never stable. 0.98

00:45:28.000 But when they were looking at it over a hundred years, you can get these crazy spikes. 0.98

00:45:33.000 You're like, oh my God, look, we started using gas powered cars and it was going up and up.

00:45:36.000 But if you go a thousand years, that's totally normal.

00:45:39.000 All that stuff's normal.

00:45:41.000 The question is how much of an impact do we have on it?

00:45:44.000 That's not totally being quantified.

00:45:46.000 They're not exactly sure.

00:45:48.000 They know it's a significant impact, but they know this is happening anyway.

00:45:52.000 And the Ice Age happened anyway.

00:45:54.000 The Ice Age happened without us.

00:45:55.000 It didn't have anything to do with us.

00:45:57.000 It's going to happen again.

00:45:58.000 It's probably going to happen again.

00:45:59.000 It's probably this constant cycle.

00:46:01.000 X-many thousands of years, this happens, and then X-many thousands of years, that happens. 0.97

00:46:06.000 And that's why the fucking Sahara Desert used to be a rainforest. 0.99

00:46:10.000 Did you know that? 1.00

00:46:11.000 That giant ass fucking desert in Africa, that was all tropical. 1.00

00:46:15.000 Wow. 1.00

00:46:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:16.000 All that stuff's like that.

00:46:18.000 That's a constant shifting from these tropical rainforests into deserts and then back and forth over thousands and thousands of years.

00:46:28.000 We just look at things through this tiny little window of history.

00:46:32.000 What we wrote down.

00:46:34.000 What do we know?

00:46:35.000 What do we know?

00:46:36.000 It's hot this time of year, said Doris in 1822. We don't have satellite Doppler radar from 1822. So we have this window of a couple of hundred years of people paying attention and writing shit down.

00:46:49.000 But then when they do core samples of the Earth and they find the Earth's temperature, they try to do the calculations over thousands of years. 0.86

00:46:58.000 It's always shifting.

00:47:00.000 It's always going crazy. 0.99

00:47:02.000 This whole fucking world used to be connected in one island. 0.99

00:47:09.000 Pangea. 0.99

00:47:09.000 It was one big thing, they think. 0.99

00:47:11.000 And it just separated slowly in his land.

00:47:14.000 This is chaos!

00:47:15.000 Like, it's always changing.

00:47:16.000 It has nothing to do with electric cars.

00:47:19.000 It's always changing. 1.00

00:47:20.000 And if you buy one of those fucking houses on stilts, and you're in Santa Monica or Malibu, like, good luck, bitch! 1.00

00:47:29.000 What a risk you're taking! 1.00

00:47:30.000 That shit's gonna move! 1.00

00:47:32.000 It's gonna move in on A mile! 1.00

00:47:33.000 Ten miles! 0.99

00:47:34.000 Dude, there's a lot of cities like Miami, they're already saying, like, when there's a full moon and a high tide, the fucking downtown is, like, underwater. 0.98

00:47:41.000 Like, that's a big city. 0.99

00:47:43.000 This is, like, now.

00:47:46.000 You know?

00:47:48.000 Dude, it's so crazy.

00:47:49.000 And the ground in Miami around that area is porous.

00:47:52.000 Yeah.

00:47:53.000 Like, when the water goes up, it's going to go through the ground.

00:47:55.000 Yeah.

00:47:56.000 Like, it's not like something's going to stop it.

00:47:58.000 Right, right.

00:47:58.000 No, no, no.

00:47:59.000 It's just going to go right through the ground.

00:48:00.000 Yeah.

00:48:01.000 That's a swamp.

00:48:03.000 You guys have a giant, awesome city on a swamp.

00:48:05.000 And they were told years ago, they looked at it and they were like, people shouldn't live here.

00:48:10.000 And they're like, no, no, this is great.

00:48:12.000 This is great.

00:48:12.000 And they sold land to everybody.

00:48:15.000 The crazy thing is they're still selling land.

00:48:17.000 So what do they know? 1.00

00:48:18.000 It's like the bankers aren't stupid. 0.93

00:48:20.000 They would consult with people to try to figure out if someone's going to default on their loans, if they're going to sell them property right there on the beach. 0.85

00:48:27.000 Because of, you know, the insurance companies get involved.

00:48:30.000 Like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:48:30.000 How much is this house?

00:48:32.000 50 million.

00:48:33.000 Jesus Christ.

00:48:34.000 How many feet is it from the water?

00:48:36.000 Yeah.

00:48:36.000 10 feet.

00:48:37.000 10 feet from the water.

00:48:39.000 So you're...

00:48:43.000 You're willing to bet $50 million that that water doesn't move any closer than 10 feet?

00:48:50.000 Maybe go 20 feet. 0.99

00:48:51.000 You know how close 10 feet is, bitch? 1.00

00:48:54.000 10 feet is this desk, this is the water, and Jamie is your fucking house. 1.00

00:49:01.000 This is the ocean. 0.99

00:49:02.000 Dude, what about the people that are in New Orleans that are rebuilding?

00:49:06.000 Like, rebuilding for what?

00:49:08.000 I think it's the vibe.

00:49:10.000 New Orleans is another country.

00:49:12.000 I mean, it really feels like those people get to drink on the street.

00:49:15.000 They have that cool way of talking.

00:49:18.000 They got great food.

00:49:19.000 I'm going there next Friday.

00:49:21.000 It's dangerous there.

00:49:22.000 It's my second time ever being there.

00:49:24.000 Dangerous crime-wise.

00:49:25.000 They're not doing so good with the crime.

00:49:27.000 But as far as the vibe of the city, man, I know people that just swear by it.

00:49:32.000 Yeah.

00:49:33.000 But what's nice is like, when I think about how many times me and my jackass friends have gone to Vegas, and you always come home feeling like had.

00:49:41.000 You just feel that emptiness of like leaving a strip club of like, what did I just do? 0.99

00:49:46.000 And then you think you could spend that same money and go to a place like New Orleans or Nashville, where there's like a real culture, where there's like real shit that's... 0.97

00:49:56.000 Well, that's why people like to visit Austin, go see the live music. 0.98

00:49:59.000 There's so much live music here.

00:50:00.000 Yeah, we went out the other night.

00:50:01.000 It was fun. 0.96

00:50:02.000 Goddamn, there's so many musicians here. 0.97

00:50:04.000 There's so many talented people. 0.97

00:50:05.000 Yeah.

00:50:06.000 It's a crazy town in that regard.

00:50:08.000 But to have a thing that you could do like that is, yeah, that's fun.

00:50:11.000 Go have a few drinks.

00:50:12.000 Go to a real thing.

00:50:13.000 Yeah.

00:50:13.000 The problem with Vegas is it's like everyone's like, it's Vegas!

00:50:18.000 So it's like you're at a 24-7 New Year's Eve show.

00:50:21.000 Mm-hmm.

00:50:22.000 You know those New Year's Eve shows?

00:50:24.000 I don't like them.

00:50:24.000 I don't do them anymore.

00:50:25.000 I stopped doing them.

00:50:26.000 I did one a couple years back, and they were great.

00:50:29.000 People were great.

00:50:30.000 But there's a thing where it's like, it's New Year's!

00:50:34.000 It's not just a show.

00:50:35.000 It's like this thing on top of the show.

00:50:38.000 It's bigger than the show, yeah.

00:50:39.000 Everybody wants to scream and yell.

00:50:40.000 How much is it affecting your life?

00:50:42.000 This weird capturing of time in calendars and watches and cell phones.

00:50:48.000 Like, how weird is that?

00:50:50.000 Because it's just, time is this.

00:50:54.000 Right there.

00:50:54.000 Right now.

00:50:55.000 That's it.

00:50:56.000 That's time. 0.99

00:50:57.000 All that other shit, like, this year is this year, and I've done that for six months. 1.00

00:51:02.000 That's all in your head. 0.99

00:51:03.000 It's my birthday!

00:51:04.000 Yeah, oh my god. 1.00

00:51:05.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

00:51:07.000 The worst. 1.00

00:51:07.000 Bitch, you had one birthday. 1.00

00:51:08.000 It was 32 years ago. 1.00

00:51:09.000 Let it go.

00:51:11.000 Why are you interrupting my dinner with your cake?

00:51:13.000 I'm not singing.

00:51:14.000 Leave everyone alone. 1.00

00:51:16.000 You think these fucking three busboys want to be singing right now? 1.00

00:51:18.000 There's tables that need to be cleaned up. 1.00

00:51:19.000 Bro, that's a game changer for me.

00:51:21.000 If there's a buddy and he gets mad that I didn't wish him a happy birthday, we're not talking anymore.

00:51:24.000 Yeah.

00:51:25.000 You need to go to a doctor.

00:51:27.000 Whatever's really bothering you.

00:51:30.000 Aren't we men?

00:51:32.000 I mean, aren't we men? 1.00

00:51:34.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:51:36.000 How underappreciated do you feel that you need us all to say happy birthday to you and you're 47? 1.00

00:51:41.000 That's not even a thing.

00:51:43.000 That's not even a round number. 0.99

00:51:44.000 Get the fuck out of here with your birthday. 0.99

00:51:46.000 I have not gone out for my birthday. 1.00

00:51:49.000 I mean, I'll go out with my wife, maybe.

00:51:52.000 But, like, I would not ask my friends to get together and buy me a present.

00:51:56.000 I would not ask my friends to do anything.

00:51:59.000 Yeah.

00:51:59.000 I think your friends are supposed to just be your friends.

00:52:01.000 Yeah.

00:52:02.000 You know, if I need some help with something, I'll ask my friends for something. 0.99

00:52:05.000 I don't need a fucking friend to give me a happy birthday party. 0.99

00:52:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:09.000 Hey, bro. 1.00

00:52:10.000 You know, I just think it'd be really cool if you, uh...

00:52:13.000 Threw me a birthday party this year.

00:52:14.000 I mean, you're my best friend, and no one's ever thrown me a birthday party, and I figured if I was going to come to anybody, I'd come to you.

00:52:20.000 Just really like it to be at Wow Wings.

00:52:24.000 And it could be 80s theme.

00:52:26.000 It'd be really cool if it was 80s theme, and everybody dressed like that.

00:52:29.000 Yeah, we all dress like old video games.

00:52:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:32.000 Fuck out of here. 1.00

00:52:34.000 Go to a doctor. 1.00

00:52:36.000 I got registered at William Sonoma.

00:52:37.000 Oh, the registered!

00:52:39.000 Go to a doctor. 1.00

00:52:40.000 Women talk so much shit about when women register. 1.00

00:52:44.000 Oh, look what this bitch registered. 1.00

00:52:46.000 Look what she's trying to get at. 1.00

00:52:47.000 It's like you're airing your needs.

00:52:49.000 Look what you need.

00:52:51.000 A douche?

00:52:52.000 You register for a douche? 0.57

00:52:53.000 You're hoping somebody goes off.

00:52:55.000 Hoping someone goes off.

00:52:56.000 So you include some high items, high value items, just in case.

00:53:00.000 Just in case there's some well-heeled individuals coming to my big shindang. 0.99

00:53:04.000 And then it shames everybody else because they see the big ticket item and then they buy you some utensils.

00:53:10.000 Do you see that Mackenzie Bezos got divorced again?

00:53:15.000 Is that Jeff Bezos' wife? 0.88

00:53:16.000 Jeff Bezos' ex-wife.

00:53:17.000 She got remarried and now she's divorced? 1.00

00:53:18.000 Yeah, I had a bit about it that I had to bail on the bit because I felt mean and personal.

00:53:24.000 It's not mean.

00:53:25.000 The bit is that a woman worth $39 billion in the divorce settlement and then she immediately married a high school science teacher.

00:53:34.000 So the bit was about a woman worth $39 billion marrying a dude worth $3,200. 0.98

00:53:40.000 I was like, that guy doesn't have shit to say in that relationship. 0.97

00:53:44.000 I'm like, that guy doesn't get to pick any of the color of the walls. 0.99

00:53:47.000 And I'm like, you know, I know.

00:53:48.000 That's a one-sided 69 position.

00:53:51.000 Yeah, because the way I know is because I don't get to pick anything in my house.

00:53:54.000 My wife doesn't even work. 1.00

00:53:55.000 That guy's fucked. 1.00

00:53:57.000 Like, he has zero chance. 1.00

00:53:59.000 If she's that rich, I'm like, that guy's on his best behavior.

00:54:02.000 I go, he's got his pronouns in his Twitter bio.

00:54:05.000 He's drinking white wine.

00:54:07.000 He's neutered.

00:54:08.000 He's planning her birthday party a year in advance.

00:54:11.000 I'm like, that guy's a performance artist.

00:54:13.000 He's putting on a show.

00:54:14.000 He knows how much money she has. 0.99

00:54:15.000 I'm like, how long can you be cool?

00:54:17.000 Well, it turns out, 24 months.

00:54:21.000 He couldn't keep it together.

00:54:23.000 There's no way you could be yourself if your wife is worth $39 billion. 1.00

00:54:28.000 It's just too hard to be yourself.

00:54:30.000 Too hard!

00:54:31.000 Why is there a Lamborghini in the staff parking lot?

00:54:34.000 I want one!

00:54:35.000 You want $39 billion!

00:54:38.000 She's just fully committed to social justice and prison reform. 0.99

00:54:43.000 She's really kind of a beautiful soul in that regard.

00:54:46.000 She's a very, very wealthy woman who's committed to philanthropy, and she's spending all this money, billions of dollars on affordable housing, on really cool stuff.

00:54:55.000 It's really cool to see what she's doing.

00:54:57.000 She's keeping a lot of money! 1.00

00:54:58.000 She's got plenty of money! 1.00

00:54:59.000 Give him a fucking Lamborghini! 1.00

00:55:01.000 Come on! 1.00

00:55:02.000 Come on, he's late for school!

00:55:03.000 The guy was a science teacher.

00:55:04.000 He's probably fascinated by engineering.

00:55:06.000 Why not?

00:55:11.000 You're supposed to live like a baller!

00:55:13.000 I remember Joey Diaz got mad at us once when we were talking about micro houses.

00:55:18.000 About people who live off the grid and they live in these little... 0.99

00:55:20.000 What the fuck are you talking about, micro house? 1.00

00:55:22.000 Get a fucking house. 1.00

00:55:23.000 You're a baller. 1.00

00:55:24.000 You want a mansion, cocksucker. 1.00

00:55:26.000 You want people to walk over your house and go, look at this motherfucker's house. 1.00

00:55:30.000 That's what you want. 1.00

00:55:34.000 I was like, he's right!

00:55:35.000 Jeff Bezos, his ex-wife. 1.00

00:55:37.000 He should have a fucking laboratory behind the house with just all kinds of animals. 1.00

00:55:42.000 Buy him shit, Mackenzie! 1.00

00:55:43.000 Buy him a Lambo! 1.00

00:55:44.000 But the thing is, you can't because then everyone knows.

00:55:48.000 See, you get caught in that trap of philanthropy where you're not allowed to be a consumption person anymore.

00:55:54.000 You can't fly private jets now if you're a philanthropist.

00:55:56.000 Especially not the Climate Accords.

00:55:58.000 You find out how many people flew private jets to Climate Accords?

00:56:02.000 Christ, people.

00:56:03.000 This is terrible messaging.

00:56:05.000 Yeah.

00:56:05.000 But it's like, if you get in that world, you can't wear some crazy expensive watch and some crazy expensive purse.

00:56:14.000 You can't do the flashy, showy things that billionaire women like to do. 1.00

00:56:19.000 Billionaire women like to wear like half-million-dollar watches. 1.00

00:56:23.000 You know, they walk around with things that are covered in diamonds and shit. 1.00

00:56:27.000 That's what they like. 1.00

00:56:27.000 They like to show all those other bitches. 1.00

00:56:29.000 Look at all this shit I got. 1.00

00:56:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:30.000 Oh, your yacht's 150 feet, ours is 210 feet, motherfucker! 1.00

00:56:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:35.000 Like, Jeff Bezos just built the biggest yacht in the world. 1.00

00:56:38.000 I just read about that.

00:56:39.000 They were gonna deconstruct a bridge to get it through. 1.00

00:56:42.000 No shit. 0.99

00:56:42.000 And people got so angry- Were they building it in Italy? 0.99

00:56:45.000 I think it was in Netherlands.

00:56:46.000 Okay.

00:56:47.000 Oh yeah, the Netherlands.

00:56:48.000 But that's what you do.

00:56:49.000 That's what you do when you get that kind of cash.

00:56:50.000 Well, there was an article in The New Yorker about these super yachts, and it said that there was some guy that was like, it's the ultimate way of saying, oh, you got a house in the Hamptons, I got a house in the Hamptons.

00:57:02.000 You got a driver, I got a driver.

00:57:03.000 You got a helicopter, you got a helicopter.

00:57:05.000 How big is your yacht?

00:57:07.000 They're like, that's what it really comes down to these days.

00:57:09.000 Because the amount of money involved in yacht life If you go on Yacht Life, the amount of money is insane.

00:57:16.000 These are people that are making like $100 million a year.

00:57:19.000 Like, it's that kind of money to run a yacht.

00:57:22.000 I have a buddy who's got a yacht.

00:57:24.000 He's very wealthy.

00:57:26.000 And it's very strange.

00:57:27.000 How much time does he spend on it?

00:57:29.000 A lot.

00:57:30.000 He loves it.

00:57:32.000 I mean, he's fortunate enough that he runs a bunch of successful things that he can do them remotely.

00:57:38.000 So he's more of like a manager at this point.

00:57:40.000 You know, he just like handles all these various entities that he runs.

00:57:45.000 But he's very successful.

00:57:47.000 Because that's the thing.

00:57:48.000 In the old days, if you were rich and you bought a yacht, you couldn't go on it.

00:57:52.000 You needed to be running your business. 1.00

00:57:54.000 And now you can do that shit from Zoom. 1.00

00:57:56.000 What I was going to say is he's very successful, but he knows how to have fun. 1.00

00:57:59.000 And he knows the value of relaxation and fun.

00:58:02.000 And he's set it up well.

00:58:05.000 Just because he's smart.

00:58:06.000 So he parties.

00:58:07.000 So he likes to get drunk. 0.98

00:58:09.000 So he just fucking has this giant house that floats on the ocean. 0.98

00:58:15.000 And he has a whole staff that works for him there. 0.97

00:58:17.000 It's a weird life, man. 0.98

00:58:19.000 But you're like, damn, I could get used to this. 0.97

00:58:21.000 Have you been on it? 0.99

00:58:22.000 Yes!

00:58:22.000 Yeah, I hung out with him.

00:58:24.000 Our families are friends, too, so we all hung out together.

00:58:27.000 So it was just like being on there like, man, this is a wild life.

00:58:30.000 You get used to this.

00:58:31.000 But things like, where do you go from there?

00:58:33.000 And I think that's the thing about money people, people that are just interested in money.

00:58:37.000 It's like you constantly want the new, bigger, crazier thing.

00:58:41.000 I get that a yacht would be amazing.

00:58:43.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:58:44.000 But what I'm saying is, when you keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, what are you doing?

00:58:51.000 Do you ever get to the yacht that's like, this is a perfect size yacht.

00:58:54.000 We're good.

00:58:54.000 You know, let's just have fun together.

00:58:56.000 No.

00:58:56.000 No, you just want another.

00:58:57.000 You want a supersonic jet.

00:58:59.000 I heard they're coming out with supersonic private jets.

00:59:01.000 You're going to be able to go anywhere in the world in four hours.

00:59:04.000 Let's go.

00:59:05.000 And then you got to be the first guy with a supersonic jet.

00:59:08.000 Jeff Bezos is going to have one. 0.99

00:59:10.000 He's going to paint it like a dick. 0.99

00:59:11.000 That's what he's going to do. 1.00

00:59:12.000 Just big, veiny dick. 1.00

00:59:14.000 Just fucking... 1.00

00:59:18.000 You know how much it must kill him watching his ex-wife giving away all that money? 1.00

00:59:22.000 Do you think she did a prenup?

00:59:24.000 She must have done a crazy prenup with that teacher. 1.00

00:59:26.000 I hope so.

00:59:27.000 Even if he gets one ten-thousandth of her money, he'll be worth $20 million. 0.99

00:59:33.000 I hope that dude walks around with gold chains and fucking open shirts from now on. 0.99

00:59:37.000 I hope he goes full heel. 0.99

00:59:39.000 Just Ric Flair in the 90s.

00:59:41.000 Woo! 0.99

00:59:43.000 He's at the chalkboard.

00:59:44.000 His pointer's made of gold.

00:59:46.000 It's got diamonds on it.

00:59:47.000 No more teaching.

00:59:48.000 Well, that's one of the things in the bit where I was saying, like, you know the guy, like, you know, who she wants him to be is like this cool science teacher.

00:59:57.000 But you can't be that once you're married a lady worth $39 billion.

01:00:00.000 So you quit your job.

01:00:01.000 So you quit.

01:00:02.000 Please stop teaching.

01:00:03.000 And now he's got no identity.

01:00:05.000 He's the guy that hangs around the house.

01:00:08.000 Yeah.

01:00:09.000 It's a tricky relationship.

01:00:11.000 Yeah.

01:00:12.000 You know, when a woman's worth that much more than you. 1.00

01:00:13.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:00:14.000 I mean, that's not like, she makes 100 grand a year, but I make 75. You know? 1.00

01:00:20.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:00:22.000 She has 38 billion. 1.00

01:00:25.000 Shit. 1.00

01:00:26.000 That's a lot of moolah, son. 1.00

01:00:27.000 Yeah.

01:00:28.000 And for a woman like that, it's probably very difficult to know for sure if a man is sincere.

01:00:35.000 Yeah.

01:00:36.000 Because there's wolves out there.

01:00:38.000 There's male and female wolves.

01:00:40.000 There's gold diggers, but there's men that'll scam on a woman like that. 1.00

01:00:44.000 That's a target.

01:00:46.000 People will move to her town to try to coordinate a potential serendipitous meeting. 0.91

01:00:52.000 Join the right yoga class.

01:00:54.000 Yes, yes.

01:00:55.000 It gets sketchy.

01:00:57.000 Because if someone's a con man, Or someone's just sociopathic and they have a plan.

01:01:04.000 If you have a plan to start a business, what's the plan?

01:01:06.000 The plan is I'm going to do this and that and that and I'm going to make a bunch of money.

01:01:09.000 I have a plan to marry that lady because she's worth $39 billion. 1.00

01:01:15.000 It's kind of a business, right?

01:01:16.000 Being a gold digger is a business.

01:01:18.000 Yeah.

01:01:19.000 It really is.

01:01:20.000 Yeah, there was this great podcast about this guy down in Orange County.

01:01:23.000 And he had just got out of prison.

01:01:25.000 He was homeless.

01:01:26.000 And he found this rich lady. 0.75

01:01:27.000 And he just came up with a plan.

01:01:29.000 And he tracked her.

01:01:30.000 And he started...

01:01:31.000 I forgot how he met her.

01:01:33.000 But he had moved in within three days.

01:01:36.000 Jesus Christ.

01:01:37.000 And he just said that he lived in the desert.

01:01:39.000 Like, he had a house, a big mansion in the desert.

01:01:42.000 And he bought...

01:01:43.000 And he had scrubs.

01:01:44.000 And so he wore scrubs and said he was a doctor.

01:01:46.000 But he wasn't a doctor. 1.00

01:01:47.000 He just bought fucking... 0.99

01:01:48.000 Scrubs and he'd leave every day and pretend he was going to the hospital. 1.00

01:01:52.000 And he ended up killing her. 0.96

01:01:56.000 Wait, did he kill her? 0.98

01:01:57.000 I think he killed her. 0.99

01:01:58.000 And then there's a crazy final scene where the daughter knows about him and they're in a fucking empty parking garage. 1.00

01:02:08.000 And he tries to kill her and she fucking kills him. 1.00

01:02:11.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:02:12.000 Or she at least stabs him where he's incapacitated and gets away. 0.99

01:02:16.000 Oh my god.

01:02:18.000 And he had done it serially.

01:02:20.000 He had done it with a number of women.

01:02:22.000 There was a show once where they were following this guy who got scammed by those guys pretending to be women online and engaging in relationships with men where they'll send them correspondence and photos and talk to them.

01:02:39.000 I can't wait to meet you.

01:02:41.000 No.

01:02:41.000 What are you talking about?

01:02:43.000 Men pretending to be women? 0.99

01:02:44.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:02:45.000 Listen to me. 0.96

01:02:46.000 They're scammers.

01:02:48.000 And so they contact lonely men. 0.51

01:02:50.000 And they pretend to be a woman. 1.00

01:02:51.000 Like Nigerian scammers. 1.00

01:02:53.000 And they send photos.

01:02:55.000 You know, they just steal a bunch of girls' photos from Facebook. 0.92

01:02:57.000 So this poor guy went to Europe.

01:02:59.000 He was a divorced man.

01:03:01.000 and i think he was a widower and he was like in his 60s and he went to europe twice to meet with this woman and every time she had an excuse why she couldn't meet him and he went back again and the the girl's daughter was just so despondent because he's all of his money he didn't have much but all his money he's sending to her he's sending her twenty thousand dollars she has to get out of this and that and some people are coming after her She's really in trouble and she owes money.

01:03:27.000 Could you please help?

01:03:27.000 And he's helping her.

01:03:28.000 We're going to get together, my darling.

01:03:30.000 We're going to be together forever.

01:03:31.000 And then he would go there and she couldn't make it.

01:03:34.000 I couldn't go.

01:03:34.000 My mother got sick.

01:03:36.000 This poor fucking guy believed. 1.00

01:03:39.000 Damn. 1.00

01:03:39.000 And it wasn't even a good scam. 1.00

01:03:41.000 Wasn't even like physical contact, right?

01:03:43.000 Yeah, but a physical contact scam where someone could pretend they love you and you're lonely and like finally my prayers have been answered. 1.00

01:03:49.000 This person who's so amazing and then everyone's like, listen, I think Mark might be full of shit. 1.00

01:03:55.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:03:56.000 Mark's amazing! 1.00

01:03:57.000 All they think about is how good they feel now that Mark's in their life.

01:04:00.000 Mark gives them back rubs.

01:04:03.000 Loneliness is a painful thing.

01:04:05.000 I mean, of all the human emotions to feel, loneliness is at the top of things you don't want to sit with.

01:04:12.000 And if somebody can come in and they can alleviate that and they can make you feel loved and cared about, Yeah,

01:04:30.000 but it's romantic affection.

01:04:35.000 It doesn't matter how successful you are.

01:04:38.000 See, that's all nonsense.

01:04:39.000 Because once you're successful enough where you don't have to worry about food and money and housing, everything else is nonsense.

01:04:45.000 So the success doesn't help the loneliness.

01:04:48.000 As a matter of fact, it probably accentuates it.

01:04:50.000 Because it's a thing that everybody always thinks is going to make them happy.

01:04:53.000 Like, the thing that people think is going to make them happy is success.

01:04:56.000 Like, one day I'll be the boss, then I'll be happy.

01:04:58.000 Like, no.

01:04:59.000 You're gonna be happy or you're not gonna be happy.

01:05:01.000 You'll be happier having achieved your goals, but that's not gonna make you happy.

01:05:05.000 And so if you're already a rich lady and you're just rotting with loneliness, You're a drug addict who you never get cured.

01:05:15.000 You never get free of the pull of heroin.

01:05:18.000 You need it.

01:05:19.000 We all need it.

01:05:19.000 It's the worst thing they could do to you in jail.

01:05:21.000 You're in a fucking metal and cement box filled with rapists and murderers. 1.00

01:05:27.000 The worst thing they could do is leave you alone. 1.00

01:05:30.000 We're connected to each other.

01:05:32.000 And if you don't get that love from people...

01:05:34.000 I remember when I moved to LA in 94...

01:05:38.000 I came out here to do this television show and we were out here for like two weeks and I was staying in the Oakwood Gardens apartments and I didn't have any friends so I'd go to the Comedy Store at night and I would hang out there and I'd try to do a set and I was what's called a non-paid regular which means I could go up after the show because Mitzi wasn't sure about me yet and so I was doing that and I had no real interaction with anybody and then this girl that I was working with One of the other actresses on the set,

01:06:08.000 she gave me a hug.

01:06:09.000 Yeah.

01:06:10.000 And it was the best hug anybody ever gave me in my life.

01:06:13.000 It was totally just loving, non-sexual, non-flirty, just a, you're my friend, here's a hug.

01:06:20.000 And I was like, oh.

01:06:21.000 Yeah.

01:06:22.000 I was like, oh my God.

01:06:23.000 I'll never forget that feeling because I was like, oh my God, I needed that.

01:06:26.000 Dude, I got one of those out here the other day.

01:06:29.000 What's, I'm spacing the woman's name who used to work at the store. 0.99

01:06:32.000 You give hugs like that.

01:06:33.000 I love hugging you.

01:06:34.000 Yeah, yeah, I like hugging you.

01:06:35.000 Yeah.

01:06:36.000 Because we love each other.

01:06:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:37.000 We've been friends for so long.

01:06:38.000 Yep, I know.

01:06:39.000 When I hug you, it's a warm hug.

01:06:41.000 Yeah.

01:06:42.000 And there's no back padding. 0.99

01:06:44.000 Nah, there's no bullshit. 0.97

01:06:45.000 No. 0.99

01:06:45.000 There's no, hey bro. 0.99

01:06:46.000 Yeah.

01:06:47.000 But that woman, what's the woman's name? 0.89

01:06:49.000 She used to work at the store and now she's out here and I think she's going to manage.

01:06:52.000 Carrie Mitchell.

01:06:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:53.000 She's the best.

01:06:54.000 She gave me a nice hug the other night.

01:06:55.000 Oh, she's the best.

01:06:56.000 She's the best.

01:06:57.000 I'm so glad we got her out here.

01:06:58.000 Yeah.

01:06:59.000 We got a great crew.

01:06:59.000 You got a good crew.

01:07:00.000 Yeah.

01:07:01.000 We got all the all-stars.

01:07:02.000 Uh-huh.

01:07:03.000 Yeah, and we haven't even started yet.

01:07:05.000 I mean, everything's going great already.

01:07:07.000 You know, the scene here is incredible.

01:07:09.000 There's like 12 world-class comics living here, man.

01:07:11.000 I've seen it.

01:07:12.000 I've been doing shows here the last three nights, and it's just crazy.

01:07:15.000 And now you got Brian out here. 1.00

01:07:17.000 Brian Simpson is a motherfucker, dude. 1.00

01:07:19.000 He's a motherfucker. 1.00

01:07:19.000 He's coming with me to London. 1.00

01:07:21.000 He's like Mike Tyson.

01:07:23.000 He just comes at you.

01:07:24.000 Slow and steady.

01:07:26.000 Straight at you.

01:07:27.000 Such good writing.

01:07:29.000 Yeah, the writing's good.

01:07:30.000 And his attitude. 0.99

01:07:31.000 He does not give a fuck on stage. 1.00

01:07:34.000 No. 1.00

01:07:34.000 Well, he's free now. 1.00

01:07:36.000 Because now he's successful.

01:07:37.000 And now he's got a Netflix special.

01:07:39.000 And now he's killing it on the road.

01:07:40.000 And he's killing it on stage. 0.99

01:07:42.000 Like, he's free.

01:07:43.000 And he's doing it the right way.

01:07:44.000 He just works every day.

01:07:46.000 Always writing.

01:07:47.000 Always writing.

01:07:48.000 And he moved here.

01:07:49.000 Yep.

01:07:49.000 Moved here.

01:07:50.000 Crazy.

01:07:51.000 Yeah.

01:07:52.000 Yeah.

01:07:53.000 It's a good spot, dude.

01:07:54.000 Yeah.

01:07:55.000 Comedy decentralized.

01:07:56.000 Comedy separated from Hollywood is the best comedy.

01:07:59.000 It's like it's the freest.

01:08:00.000 The audiences at the...

01:08:02.000 What's the called?

01:08:03.000 Vulcan.

01:08:03.000 At the Vulcan.

01:08:04.000 You walk out and they are literally...

01:08:06.000 They look like when you're about to feed puppies.

01:08:10.000 Yeah.

01:08:10.000 They just look up at you like, I'm so excited you're about to make me laugh, as opposed to being in LA where the arms are crossed and they're like, you're not Sebastian Maniscalco.

01:08:23.000 These are real people.

01:08:25.000 Texas has real people in them, and I didn't think that was a thing.

01:08:28.000 I thought, you know, I go here, I have a good time, that's fun, but there is a general attitude that people have here that is way healthier.

01:08:36.000 They're just regular people.

01:08:37.000 It is weird, the schism in Austin between, like, I was talking about the other night, like, the cab drivers.

01:08:43.000 The Uber driver always wants to tell you how Austin used to be better.

01:08:48.000 So you've got, like, these OG Austin people that are, like, flip-flop wearing pot t-shirts.

01:08:55.000 And then you've got, like, the guys with the loafers and the dress shirt tucked in.

01:09:01.000 Yeah.

01:09:02.000 Tech guys.

01:09:03.000 Yeah, there's a lot of those people around.

01:09:05.000 A lot of banker guys.

01:09:06.000 Adam was just telling me about his apartment.

01:09:08.000 He was in an apartment and they jacked up the rent 40% on him in one year.

01:09:12.000 And I said that to a couple of people and they were like, oh no, that's standard the last couple of years.

01:09:16.000 Jesus.

01:09:17.000 The rent is going up that much.

01:09:18.000 Well, there's that much of a demand because so many people moved here.

01:09:21.000 And there's not a lot of houses to buy.

01:09:22.000 Yeah.

01:09:23.000 It's tricky.

01:09:24.000 Yeah, when I was up...

01:09:25.000 Because some people get mad at you. 1.00

01:09:26.000 Oh, when I was upstairs watching Brian Simpson last night, and he goes, so I lived in LA, but I just moved out here from California, and a guy, under his breath, just goes, fuck you. 1.00

01:09:39.000 Ah! 1.00

01:09:40.000 Ha ha [...

01:09:49.000 Tony Hinchcliffe's at a bar the other night.

01:09:50.000 Some guy comes up to him and he goes, hey, what's up, Tony?

01:09:54.000 And Tony goes, oh, hey, how you doing, man? 1.00

01:09:56.000 And he goes, fuck you for ruining my city. 1.00

01:10:00.000 And he goes, oh, I didn't know it was your city. 1.00

01:10:02.000 He goes, how long you live here?

01:10:03.000 The guy goes, 11 years.

01:10:05.000 He goes, thanks for keeping it warm for us.

01:10:08.000 We'll take it from here.

01:10:16.000 He just tapped him out.

01:10:19.000 We'll take it from here.

01:10:21.000 11 years. 1.00

01:10:22.000 Bitch, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:10:23.000 We've been here for two. 1.00

01:10:24.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:10:25.000 That's basically the same thing. 1.00

01:10:26.000 New York was like that, too.

01:10:28.000 All these people come from Iowa and moved to Brooklyn for 10 years.

01:10:31.000 Ari talks about that. 0.99

01:10:32.000 He said, those are the people that yell out at the store.

01:10:34.000 Boo! 0.83

01:10:34.000 Or at the cellar. 0.83

01:10:36.000 They don't like your premise.

01:10:37.000 Boo! 0.83

01:10:39.000 You can't wait to have blue hair.

01:10:41.000 Yeah.

01:10:46.000 It's just people, man. 0.93

01:10:47.000 Some people are gross. 0.99

01:10:50.000 Some people just, no matter what, they're on a team and they're gross. 0.99

01:10:54.000 And they can't help themselves. 1.00

01:10:56.000 It's just like they're surrounded by stupid people. 1.00

01:10:58.000 That's what they've absorbed. 1.00

01:10:59.000 Those are the patterns they've got in their head.

01:11:02.000 They've never done anything that challenged them to break out of whatever pattern they're on.

01:11:08.000 And sometimes you run into them.

01:11:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:11.000 And oftentimes they're in the crowd and they want to get drunk and yell out stupid shit. 1.00

01:11:15.000 It's so freeing when you can see them for what they are, though, and just laugh right in their faces. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:20.000 You know, like, I... God, I heard these two guys...

01:11:24.000 I'm staying in a...

01:11:25.000 I won't say what hotel, but you put me in a very nice hotel here in town.

01:11:29.000 And I walked past the lobby and these two guys, no, four guys, and they all had the dress shirts on and they all look like they do like, what do you call that workout now?

01:11:41.000 Crossfit?

01:11:42.000 Yeah, they do like Crossfit and they're all like tan and they all have crew cuts.

01:11:45.000 And I just hear one guy go, well, what about the capitalization?

01:11:49.000 And I just stopped and I went, yeah, what about the capitalization?

01:11:52.000 And then I just turned out and walked away. 1.00

01:11:55.000 LAUGHTER Fucking communist. 1.00

01:12:00.000 That guy's probably a liberal. 1.00

01:12:02.000 Yeah.

01:12:02.000 What's he doing in this hotel?

01:12:04.000 He doesn't belong in this hotel.

01:12:04.000 Probably losing money.

01:12:06.000 Yeah.

01:12:06.000 Someone else is paying for it, I bet.

01:12:07.000 Well, probably. 1.00

01:12:08.000 I'd like to see his fucking portfolio. 1.00

01:12:10.000 I bet it's shit. 1.00

01:12:12.000 I bet he's heavily weighted in small tech cap stocks. 1.00

01:12:15.000 I bet that fucking idiot invested in Bitcoin. 1.00

01:12:21.000 That's one bullet I dodged. 1.00

01:12:23.000 The thing that gets me is the NFT thing.

01:12:25.000 People that want to sell NFTs and want you to be in a partnership with an NFT with me.

01:12:30.000 I'm like, what are you saying?

01:12:32.000 I don't even know what you're saying.

01:12:33.000 Want to get on a spaceship with me?

01:12:34.000 I've had 80 people explain it to me now.

01:12:36.000 I'm like, I don't get it.

01:12:38.000 I get that guy, Beeple.

01:12:39.000 You know what he does?

01:12:41.000 Beeple does, do you know who he is?

01:12:43.000 Oh, that's pretty cool. 1.00

01:12:44.000 Dude, it's the shit. 0.99

01:12:44.000 That guy does a new piece of digital art every single day. 0.99

01:12:48.000 Oh.

01:12:48.000 So if you buy an NFT from Beeple, first of all, you're buying a physical piece of art.

01:12:54.000 Uh-huh. 0.98

01:12:55.000 And you could put it in your NFT wallet or whatever the fuck that is. 0.89

01:12:58.000 But what he's doing is creating a gallery.

01:13:00.000 He has a legitimate gallery filled with this digital art. 0.99

01:13:04.000 It's amazing shit. 0.99

01:13:05.000 And he's so dedicated to it. 1.00

01:13:07.000 He puts out one piece every fucking day, no matter what. 0.99

01:13:10.000 Always. 0.99

01:13:10.000 Wow. 0.99

01:13:11.000 Yeah.

01:13:11.000 And it's all like that kind of stuff?

01:13:13.000 Illustrations?

01:13:14.000 It's all digitally created artwork. 1.00

01:13:17.000 Some of it is like dicks and missile silos and shit. 1.00

01:13:19.000 And he goes, if people are trying to find hidden meaning, he goes, it's fucking dicks! 1.00

01:13:23.000 It's just dicks! 1.00

01:13:25.000 He's hilarious! 0.98

01:13:27.000 He's a great guy. 1.00

01:13:29.000 Have you never seen his shit? 1.00

01:13:30.000 Pull up Beeple's Instagram page. 1.00

01:13:32.000 It's amazing.

01:13:33.000 Oh, wow.

01:13:34.000 What's that, Jamie?

01:13:35.000 I'm on his website right now.

01:13:36.000 Oh, that's great.

01:13:38.000 Look at that.

01:13:39.000 That's amazing. 0.99

01:13:41.000 Naked baby Trump. 0.98

01:13:42.000 It's his endgame. 0.99

01:13:44.000 It's naked baby Trump on top of the... 0.97

01:13:47.000 I mean, how amazing is that? 0.98

01:13:50.000 Woke Island?

01:13:51.000 Wookie.

01:13:52.000 Oh, Wookie Island.

01:13:53.000 I see a W and an O. I just assume it's woke. 0.99

01:13:56.000 Reset button.

01:13:57.000 Oh, wow.

01:13:59.000 Yeah, so his stuff is all like, some of it's hilarious, some of it's really disturbing.

01:14:04.000 Santa came early.

01:14:10.000 That must be fun for a guy like that.

01:14:12.000 That's his life. 0.85

01:14:13.000 He found something he's good at, that he loves, and he found a way to wake up every morning and go, let's fucking imagine, let's play, let's do this.

01:14:25.000 And he was so consistent in how he did it that he got to, whoa, are they all changing or are you doing that?

01:14:33.000 I'm changing it.

01:14:33.000 I'm going through them.

01:14:34.000 You got a little ADD, don't you, fella?

01:14:36.000 Some of these are good.

01:14:38.000 I'm looking at it quick.

01:14:40.000 Look at that.

01:14:41.000 But the point being is like he was just so consistent and so disciplined that he just consistently put them out and now he's making hundreds of millions of dollars doing this. 1.00

01:14:51.000 Damn, no shit, really? 0.99

01:14:53.000 The art in the galleries? 1.00

01:14:55.000 He's like an R. Crumb kind of a guy.

01:14:57.000 Yeah, he's like the, in terms of NFTs and like sales of digital art, he's like the number one guy, isn't he? 0.99

01:15:07.000 No shit. 0.98

01:15:07.000 Or he's one of them. 0.98

01:15:08.000 2.4 million followers.

01:15:10.000 It's changing often now because...

01:15:12.000 Yeah, 2.4 million followers.

01:15:13.000 Plus, when you make an NFT, every time it gets resold, he makes more money off of that.

01:15:20.000 Yes.

01:15:20.000 Click on that chimp one.

01:15:21.000 But it's also like you're actually getting real digital art from this guy.

01:15:28.000 Look at that.

01:15:29.000 So what's the difference between if I buy the NFT that shows me that or me just going to his Instagram account and looking at it?

01:15:36.000 Because you get something like that.

01:15:37.000 Oh.

01:15:37.000 You get a piece, like a digital piece of art, too.

01:15:41.000 And that's where it gets squirrely with a non-fungible token.

01:15:45.000 You own the rights to that thing.

01:15:48.000 So even though some of them like Bored Yacht Club, Bored Ape Yacht Club or something like that, I don't understand.

01:15:53.000 Because it's just a photograph and you own it, I guess.

01:15:56.000 But I can take a screenshot of it and it'll be on my phone.

01:15:58.000 But I guess it's not as cool as you owning it on your phone.

01:16:02.000 Okay.

01:16:03.000 I don't totally get that.

01:16:05.000 But I get this.

01:16:06.000 I get the digital artwork and I get that's an original Beeple.

01:16:11.000 He sends you these things and go with it.

01:16:14.000 There's more to it.

01:16:15.000 And his gallery that he's doing...

01:16:17.000 He has these big displays and big things, and I'm sure you could buy those too.

01:16:23.000 It's like you're buying a real thing.

01:16:25.000 If you bought one of his art displays and it's like that, but it's like seven feet tall, and you could put it in your living room, people would come over and go, whoa!

01:16:34.000 That's a real, valuable, cool thing, a piece of art.

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:38.000 Dude, you know who's a great artist is Kevin Nealon.

01:16:41.000 Have you seen his?

01:16:41.000 Really?

01:16:42.000 Dude, pull up Kevin Nealon's.

01:16:43.000 He does caricatures of famous comedians.

01:16:47.000 Really?

01:16:47.000 He's got a new book that just came out and he just sent it to me and it's like as good as any caricatures I've seen.

01:16:55.000 Wow.

01:16:55.000 Yeah.

01:16:56.000 Kevin Nealon's a nice guy.

01:16:57.000 He's a super nice guy.

01:16:58.000 So nice.

01:16:59.000 Always friendly.

01:17:00.000 He's also one of those guys that is like, when you talk about Brewer, he is truly a funny human being.

01:17:07.000 Look at that.

01:17:08.000 That's incredible.

01:17:09.000 Isn't that awesome?

01:17:10.000 Yeah.

01:17:11.000 That's amazing.

01:17:13.000 That's Freddie Mercury.

01:17:15.000 What else have you got in there?

01:17:16.000 Kevin Nealon artwork.

01:17:17.000 So he has his own Instagram just for his art.

01:17:20.000 Wow, look at that Letterman. 1.00

01:17:21.000 Look at that fucking... 1.00

01:17:25.000 Wow. 1.00

01:17:26.000 Look at Kurt Cobain.

01:17:27.000 Jim Carrey.

01:17:28.000 That's great.

01:17:29.000 That's incredible.

01:17:29.000 Yeah.

01:17:30.000 That's really good.

01:17:31.000 Oh, wow.

01:17:32.000 Look at that Gary Shandling.

01:17:33.000 That's amazing.

01:17:34.000 Look at the capillaries in the nose.

01:17:36.000 Look at that detail.

01:17:37.000 That's amazing.

01:17:38.000 Yeah.

01:17:38.000 That's so good.

01:17:39.000 And it's such a good characterization.

01:17:43.000 It's not a realistic painting of them.

01:17:45.000 No, they're like...

01:17:46.000 Oh, wow.

01:17:47.000 Look at that Bourdain. 1.00

01:17:48.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:17:50.000 That's really good, dude. 1.00

01:17:52.000 He captures their souls.

01:17:53.000 It's not just like a funny painting.

01:17:55.000 But that's the thing about a caricature, right?

01:17:57.000 Like, they exaggerate certain aspects of you, but you know instantly who it is.

01:18:01.000 Yeah.

01:18:02.000 Wow.

01:18:03.000 That's incredible.

01:18:06.000 That's really dope.

01:18:09.000 Who's the guy that does the ones from your show?

01:18:11.000 Gary Bourdais?

01:18:13.000 Gary Brandt.

01:18:14.000 Brandt.

01:18:14.000 He does good stuff.

01:18:15.000 Yeah, he does amazing stuff.

01:18:17.000 Pull up his stuff.

01:18:21.000 He just did one of Tom O'Neill.

01:18:22.000 Tom just sent it to me yesterday.

01:18:23.000 Oh, did he really?

01:18:24.000 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 He'll show the illustrations too as he's...

01:18:28.000 Yeah.

01:18:30.000 There he's got Dave Attell.

01:18:31.000 Oh, nice!

01:18:32.000 Gabor Mate.

01:18:33.000 Look at that.

01:18:35.000 He's missing some teeth.

01:18:36.000 Yeah, he does all the guests.

01:18:39.000 Look at Eddie Bravo!

01:18:40.000 That's amazing!

01:18:42.000 That's dope. 0.93

01:18:43.000 Like cracked marble.

01:18:44.000 Yeah, not so crazy now.

01:18:48.000 Look at Mark Zuckerberg.

01:18:50.000 Look at Louis C.K. Wow.

01:18:53.000 Oh, that's good.

01:18:54.000 That's wild.

01:18:56.000 Yeah, it's a specific kind of comedy art, right?

01:19:01.000 Making a caricature of a person.

01:19:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:19:04.000 There's one that we have that makes me uncomfortable.

01:19:06.000 I don't think I'm going to hang up anymore.

01:19:08.000 It was Dostbach.

01:19:10.000 He did one of Joey Diaz.

01:19:11.000 I'm like, that one's a little...

01:19:14.000 A little disrespectful.

01:19:15.000 Oh, yeah?

01:19:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:16.000 It's blue cheese with wings and go fuck your mother. 1.00

01:19:19.000 But it's so... 1.00

01:19:22.000 It's like...

01:19:23.000 Like, if I was Joey, I wouldn't want to look at that.

01:19:25.000 Yeah.

01:19:25.000 It's kind of rude.

01:19:26.000 It's...

01:19:27.000 That one.

01:19:29.000 Yeah.

01:19:34.000 You know?

01:19:35.000 That's great.

01:19:36.000 Well, it's like going on a roast.

01:19:38.000 I've been on a couple roasts in my life.

01:19:40.000 And if you ever want to find out who you really are, if you want to know what people really think of you, because we all kind of...

01:19:47.000 It's not what's on the internet. 1.00

01:19:49.000 When you go on the internet, it's a bunch of trolls that are just saying mean shit. 1.00

01:19:53.000 But when you do a roast... 0.99

01:19:55.000 It has to make people laugh, which means it has to be grounded in a collective perception of who you really are.

01:20:02.000 And when you hear people make jokes about you on a roast, that's how you know who you really are.

01:20:05.000 And what I get is like, he looks old.

01:20:11.000 Well, you know, that was the purpose.

01:20:13.000 That was the purpose of the Hayoka in the Lakota tribes. 0.61

01:20:17.000 Oh, you were telling me about that.

01:20:19.000 That's wild. 0.61

01:20:20.000 The sacred clown.

01:20:20.000 Yeah.

01:20:21.000 They had someone who would mock everything.

01:20:23.000 Yeah.

01:20:23.000 Because if there was something that could be mocked, if it made people laugh, then you knew that it was true.

01:20:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:29.000 Or that it was bullshit. 1.00

01:20:30.000 Right. 1.00

01:20:30.000 Or that it was easily mocked. 1.00

01:20:32.000 It was a stupid thing. 1.00

01:20:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:33.000 And they used that to sort of test... 1.00

01:20:37.000 Like whether or not their thoughts were being corrupted and whether or not they were like being delusional.

01:20:45.000 Right.

01:20:45.000 And looking at things incorrectly.

01:20:46.000 Like the court jester.

01:20:48.000 Yeah.

01:20:48.000 I think the court jester was supposed to keep the king honest.

01:20:50.000 Was he really?

01:20:51.000 I think that was part of his function was to show that the king could be in on the joke. 0.99

01:20:56.000 How many of those guys got their dicks cut off and stuffed in their mouth? 1.00

01:20:59.000 Dude. 1.00

01:21:00.000 Dude, you want to talk about the history of stand-up comedy.

01:21:02.000 That was the first comedian.

01:21:04.000 Yes.

01:21:05.000 The court jester.

01:21:05.000 And he had skin in the game.

01:21:07.000 Nowadays, anybody can show up to an open mic night.

01:21:10.000 You know, you work in marketing for FedEx during the day.

01:21:13.000 But you come out at night, you put on a funny tie, and you get up and do five minutes.

01:21:16.000 If you bomb, whatever.

01:21:18.000 It hurts a little bit.

01:21:19.000 But if you're the court jester and you bomb... 0.99

01:21:22.000 Off with his head! 1.00

01:21:23.000 They'll just kill you for fun. 0.99

01:21:25.000 That's one of the things that we love about watching Game of Thrones or any of those...

01:21:28.000 I know they're fantasy, but they're supposed to be depicting a time in which there was no electronics and no civilization was crazy.

01:21:37.000 People just killed people. 0.97

01:21:38.000 They just decided I'm gonna kill them and no one could do damn thing about it. 0.97

01:21:41.000 They'll just beat you to death in front of everybody in the middle of like a dining hall and no one stops it and you realize like, well this is what people did to each other back then. 1.00

01:21:49.000 And if someone just decides that you've dishonored the queen with your jester ways, they're just gonna chop your dick off in front of everybody and stuff it in your mouth while you scream and bleed out on the stairs to the throne. 0.99

01:22:03.000 And they barely pay attention because they see it every day. 1.00

01:22:06.000 They're not even aghast by your death.

01:22:09.000 Dude, the whole Dracula...

01:22:12.000 The whole myth of Dracula, the Dracula story, the Bram Stoker version of Dracula, came out of this legend of Vlad the Impaler.

01:22:22.000 Vlad Tepes, who was a guy who was a real guy who lived, who used to torture the enemy and impaled him on spikes in front of him while he ate dinner. 0.99

01:22:35.000 No shit! 0.99

01:22:36.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:22:37.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:22:39.000 Look at what he used to do.

01:22:41.000 So here's Vlad the Impaler.

01:22:44.000 There's a depiction of him.

01:22:46.000 So he lived Vlad Dracula or Vlad Dracula.

01:22:53.000 He lived in 1476, somewhere around there.

01:22:59.000 Is that what it says?

01:23:00.000 Let's see.

01:23:00.000 Go to his...

01:23:01.000 That was his third reign.

01:23:02.000 He reigned a few different times, which I wonder how that worked, who took over while he was not reigning.

01:23:09.000 But this guy, Vlad Tepes, Vlad the Impaler, Vlad Dracula, he was known for...

01:23:16.000 He would cut pieces of a prisoner's flesh off and force them to eat it. 1.00

01:23:24.000 He did horrific shit. 1.00

01:23:26.000 So it was 1420... 1.00

01:23:28.000 What does it say?

01:23:28.000 23?

01:23:30.000 1428 to 1431. Somewhere around then he was born.

01:23:34.000 He died somewhere around 1476. So he's like 45 to 49 years old when he died.

01:23:39.000 They're not sure. 0.99

01:23:40.000 But during that time, he was fucking terrifying. 0.99

01:23:44.000 There's so many crazy ways through history that people have mutilated and killed people. 0.99

01:23:50.000 You ever heard of a Colombian necktie?

01:23:53.000 Yeah.

01:23:54.000 You know what that is?

01:23:55.000 Yeah, they slice your throat and pull your tongue through your neck.

01:23:57.000 Yeah. 0.56

01:23:59.000 It's rough. 0.99

01:24:00.000 That's fucking rough. 0.99

01:24:02.000 That's rough. 1.00

01:24:03.000 And then there's one called the Glasgow Smile or something where they take a knife and they cut your cheeks from the corners of your mouth up so for the rest of your life you look like you're smiling.

01:24:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:17.000 There's some evil fucks out there. 0.99

01:24:18.000 If you find out what the Comanches did, there's this book Empire of the Summer Moon. 0.99

01:24:23.000 Oh yeah, I read that.

01:24:25.000 That guy lives in Austin, right?

01:24:26.000 Yeah, I had him on the podcast.

01:24:28.000 He's great.

01:24:28.000 It's an amazing book.

01:24:30.000 And he found all that stuff out When he moved here.

01:24:34.000 He moved here and he started researching the history of the Native American tribes and the Plains tribes.

01:24:40.000 And then he writes this book about the Comanches. 0.99

01:24:41.000 It's like, it's a fucking crazy story. 0.99

01:24:44.000 But one of the things they did is those people would fight to the death. 0.99

01:24:46.000 They never surrendered.

01:24:48.000 Because if they surrendered, they assumed they were going to be tortured.

01:24:50.000 Because they torture everybody.

01:24:52.000 And they would take people and they would hack their arms and legs off and while they were alive, throw them on a fire to watch them squirm.

01:25:02.000 The last moments of your life, no arms, they would just hold you down and just immediately hack off your arms, hack off your legs, and then just chuck you on the fire.

01:25:09.000 Yeah.

01:25:10.000 And then they just kept doing it to more people, throwing them on the fire. 1.00

01:25:12.000 Damn. 1.00

01:25:14.000 And there was a lot of rape. 1.00

01:25:16.000 There was a lot of like, you're gonna get raped and your family's gonna watch. 1.00

01:25:20.000 And you're gonna get murdered and your family's gonna watch. 0.98

01:25:22.000 And everybody got murdered except for the younger kids that they would try to incorporate into the tribe.

01:25:30.000 And they would test them in various ways.

01:25:33.000 And if they failed the test, they would kill them. 1.00

01:25:35.000 And if they just kept their shit together, they could eventually become a part of the tribe. 0.99

01:25:39.000 And the curious thing is, a lot of those people got captured Later and released. 0.99

01:25:45.000 So the soldiers would overcome a band of Indians and find captured white settlers. 0.57

01:25:53.000 And they didn't want to leave.

01:25:55.000 They wanted to stay with the Native Americans. 1.00

01:25:57.000 That's the Cynthia Ann Parker story.

01:25:59.000 She's the woman who gave birth to Quanah Parker, who was the last Comanche chief.

01:26:05.000 And he was half white.

01:26:07.000 She was white.

01:26:07.000 She was a white settler who was kidnapped when she was nine.

01:26:09.000 She watched her mother get killed, watched her father get killed.

01:26:12.000 Didn't they take her away to Pennsylvania and then she escaped and went back? 0.54

01:26:15.000 Yeah, she went back.

01:26:16.000 Yeah, she was despondent.

01:26:18.000 When they brought her back to regular society, she was despondent.

01:26:22.000 She did not want to live like that at all.

01:26:24.000 She was in her 30s by then.

01:26:26.000 And she had just been living with the Comanche. 1.00

01:26:28.000 She was a part of their culture.

01:26:30.000 I mean, it's just, you know, it's like a romanticizing it in a lot of our eyes because everybody, you know, like romanticizes the idea of being a Plains Indian.

01:26:39.000 Wow, it must have been incredible, sleeping under the stars.

01:26:41.000 But the people that they did capture and release back in society, they didn't want that.

01:26:49.000 Nobody was going the other way. 0.99

01:26:51.000 There was no Plains Indians that were like, look, fuck all this. 1.00

01:26:54.000 I want to join you guys. 1.00

01:26:55.000 I want to be a banker.

01:26:56.000 That wasn't happening.

01:26:57.000 But people were leaving, and they were living with the Indians, and they didn't want to go back.

01:27:03.000 And it wasn't a small number.

01:27:05.000 There was some miners that struck deals with them, and various people that had made their way across the plain decided to join.

01:27:12.000 And, you know, if you got a good band of Indians that didn't want to kill you because you're a white settler, if you're in the right place at the right time and you joined in, like, for them it was like a better way of life.

01:27:24.000 No, and trying to paint the Indians as good or bad, that's not how it is.

01:27:29.000 It's complicated.

01:27:30.000 It's a culture.

01:27:31.000 And it's kind of just where racism comes in, where everybody has to be seen as good or bad.

01:27:36.000 Well, they warred on each other hardcore in horrific, horrific ways.

01:27:41.000 They cannibalized each other.

01:27:43.000 The Nez Perce were famous for cannibalizing the victims that they captured. 1.00

01:27:49.000 People did horrible things in all ethnicities, in all parts of the world.

01:27:55.000 In the barbaric times of human history, people have done absolutely terrible things to each other, to people that look like them, to people that look nothing like them.

01:28:05.000 It's just like a part of being a human being or has been a part of being a human being.

01:28:11.000 I think like less now because we're more recognizing the horrific nature that we get to discuss it.

01:28:17.000 Because everybody kind of gets to talk now because of the internet, because of education.

01:28:22.000 It's way harder to pull off a Christopher Columbus-type atrocity in 2022 and selling it to the public, like what they did.

01:28:30.000 Yeah.

01:28:31.000 You would get documentation, cell phone video footage, like, hey, why'd you cut their arms off if they didn't give you gold?

01:28:38.000 Because that's what Christopher Columbus did.

01:28:40.000 Yeah.

01:28:41.000 Bro, what those people did, like, you read the priests' accounts of how they tortured the natives when they got here, and what they did, like, bashed babies' heads on rocks and told people if they don't bring them their weight in gold, they would cut their arms off, cut their arms off,

01:28:57.000 and show the other people that they're willing to do it, and then send them out, get more gold.

01:29:00.000 Like, That was just how people behaved, which is hard for us to think about because of the world we currently live in. 0.77

01:29:13.000 But if the power went out and shit went sideways for just six months, just six months, Do you know how crazy the world would be? 0.96

01:29:22.000 How crazy was the world during, like, the BLM riots during COVID, where people were walking down the street throwing rocks into people's windows and smashing doors open and doing whatever the fuck they wanted to do for no... 0.98

01:29:33.000 There's no social justice to that. 0.82

01:29:35.000 They were just...

01:29:36.000 They were wilding.

01:29:37.000 So, like, you've seen those videos where people just...

01:29:41.000 That's what happens.

01:29:42.000 That's what happens when you get mob mentalities together. 0.98

01:29:46.000 You're going to get certain people that don't give a fuck about a social cause or whatever. 0.99

01:29:49.000 They just want to go wilding. 0.97

01:29:51.000 And they're going to jump in and come up with reasons why they can light buildings on fire.

01:29:56.000 If there's no power for six months, they run the streets.

01:30:01.000 They run the streets.

01:30:02.000 There's no way to call the cops because there's no power.

01:30:04.000 What are you going to do?

01:30:05.000 How many bullets you got? 1.00

01:30:07.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:30:09.000 Like, that's how thin the veneer of civilization is over the world. 1.00

01:30:14.000 For most of history, they behaved the way those clans, the Plains Indians did, and the way Columbus did, and the way the Mongols did, and the way the Romans did. 0.98

01:30:25.000 Like, for most of history, people were cunts. 1.00

01:30:29.000 Just horrible, murdering cunts. 0.98

01:30:31.000 Yeah, and you think about this country like kids that were born, you know, just after us, that didn't experience the Vietnam War at all, like have not seen barbarism in this country. 1.00

01:30:42.000 Short of the people that have gone to the Middle East that saw some horrible shit, for the most part, they've been guarded from that.

01:30:47.000 And I mean, obviously school shootings and, you know, the amount of homicides that take place is something, but that can't compare to the kind of barbarism that you're talking about. 0.97

01:30:57.000 Yeah, the school shootings, it's like, The reason why they're so horrific is because they're an aberration.

01:31:02.000 And the worst, most horrific aberration, someone who wants to kill purely innocent people.

01:31:07.000 You know?

01:31:09.000 The thing that no one wants to talk about with those is how many of them are on psychiatric medications.

01:31:14.000 Because it's almost all of them.

01:31:16.000 Or they've gone off psychiatric medications.

01:31:18.000 Yeah.

01:31:19.000 And then the question is, is it correlation or causation?

01:31:21.000 Are they already broken?

01:31:22.000 Is the psychiatric medication what kept them from doing it earlier?

01:31:25.000 I don't know.

01:31:29.000 The horrific things that people have done throughout history It's so fascinating how recent that was because it really was only like a few lives ago.

01:31:39.000 Like if you want to go to the the plains of Texas and the plains of North America in 1700, you are in a wild world.

01:31:53.000 Wild world.

01:31:54.000 None of the towns are there.

01:31:55.000 Nothing's settled.

01:31:56.000 It's wild. 0.99

01:31:57.000 If you're living back then And then someone can put you in a time machine just 322 years later, you'd be like, holy fuck. 1.00

01:32:09.000 Because 300 years before that was the same shit. 0.99

01:32:12.000 1400, 1700, not a lot of change here. 1.00

01:32:15.000 And then you go 300 years later after that, and you're like, holy fuck. 0.99

01:32:20.000 This is crazy. 0.99

01:32:23.000 You think about the difference in 10 years in this country.

01:32:27.000 A time machine that went 10 years ahead...

01:32:29.000 Yeah.

01:32:30.000 You know, say 20. We didn't have cell phones 20 years ago.

01:32:35.000 There wasn't, you know, you were faxing shit. 0.96

01:32:38.000 Just how about what automobiles are now? 0.98

01:32:41.000 You know, I was talking to Reggie Watts as a car guy, right?

01:32:44.000 And Reggie has a Porsche Turbo S, which is a preposterous car.

01:32:51.000 It's basically a spaceship.

01:32:53.000 It goes zero to 60 in about two seconds.

01:32:57.000 Wow.

01:32:58.000 Somewhere in the range of two seconds.

01:32:59.000 Goes 1g laterally with all-wheel drive.

01:33:03.000 The handling is outrageous.

01:33:06.000 The speed is telepathic.

01:33:08.000 It's like... 0.98

01:33:08.000 We could just go wherever the fuck it wants to go. 0.98

01:33:11.000 And I said to him, imagine bringing that car to 1970 and go drive that. 0.99

01:33:17.000 They would think you were an alien.

01:33:19.000 You must have come from another planet. 0.99

01:33:20.000 If they saw the LCD screen that lights up and all the gauge clusters are in LCDs or LEDs, they'd be like, holy shit. 0.99

01:33:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:33:28.000 This is insane. 0.99

01:33:29.000 This is insane.

01:33:30.000 Like, how do you start it?

01:33:31.000 You press that button.

01:33:32.000 Oh, my God.

01:33:33.000 How does it know that I have the key?

01:33:35.000 It's reading that you have the key in your pocket.

01:33:37.000 Just press the button.

01:33:38.000 Boom.

01:33:39.000 And then you're in this thing.

01:33:41.000 And then a voice comes through and it's your wife telephoning you from somewhere else. 1.00

01:33:46.000 And they're like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:33:48.000 Hey, honey. 1.00

01:33:50.000 Where the fuck are you? 1.00

01:33:51.000 Like, you can talk to someone in your car. 1.00

01:33:53.000 Oh, not only that.

01:33:54.000 You can say, navigate to Vulcan Gas Company.

01:33:58.000 And it goes, getting directions to Vulcan Gas Company.

01:34:00.000 That quickly.

01:34:01.000 That quickly.

01:34:02.000 Within a second.

01:34:04.000 And telling you don't go that way because there's traffic.

01:34:06.000 Rerouting.

01:34:07.000 Yeah.

01:34:08.000 Yeah.

01:34:08.000 Or how old is Mick Jagger?

01:34:10.000 It just tells you.

01:34:12.000 Like I do that all the time now.

01:34:13.000 I just ask my phone.

01:34:14.000 How old is somebody?

01:34:15.000 Yeah.

01:34:16.000 How much does that cost?

01:34:17.000 How long has that been around?

01:34:18.000 It just tells you.

01:34:19.000 Yeah.

01:34:20.000 Or you just ask your phone now.

01:34:21.000 It's like we're literally in a science fiction movie.

01:34:23.000 Yeah.

01:34:26.000 Find out.

01:34:27.000 How old is Greg Fitzsimmons?

01:34:32.000 Nope.

01:34:33.000 You have two contacts named Greg Fitzsimmons.

01:34:35.000 Tap the phone number.

01:34:36.000 Hey, that's not what I said.

01:34:39.000 How old is the stand-up comedian Greg Fitzsimmons?

01:34:46.000 Oh, Wikipedia.

01:34:47.000 Here we go.

01:34:50.000 1966. 66, baby.

01:34:52.000 How are you feeling?

01:34:53.000 I'm feeling like I need some testosterone shots.

01:34:56.000 I just got a B12 shot.

01:34:58.000 Feeling good.

01:34:59.000 We're going to get you hooked up. 0.97

01:35:00.000 Next time you come in here, you're going to be jacked. 0.79

01:35:01.000 I've been working out like a maniac, though. 0.89

01:35:03.000 Have you been?

01:35:04.000 Last year, year and a half...

01:35:06.000 Beautiful.

01:35:07.000 I joined Gold's Gym so I can be shamed.

01:35:09.000 In Venice?

01:35:10.000 Yeah.

01:35:10.000 Oh, that's the real one.

01:35:11.000 Yeah.

01:35:11.000 That's the mecca of bodybuilding.

01:35:14.000 It's been around since 1966. Those guys can get your steroids.

01:35:17.000 They will.

01:35:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:35:18.000 I'm the only guy in there.

01:35:20.000 Dude, I am the smallest guy by 50 pounds.

01:35:24.000 It's not even close.

01:35:26.000 And, like, even the women.

01:35:28.000 Like, the women are... 1.00

01:35:30.000 You know, bodybuilders, but they're fucking beautiful. 0.99

01:35:33.000 Like, they're big-ass bodybuilders, but there's something beautiful about them. 0.99

01:35:38.000 You know, the way they've sculpted their bodies to be a certain way? 0.58

01:35:41.000 And some of them get, like, fake tits and a fake tan, and they're on steroids, but you go like, wow, that's a version of the human body I hadn't thought of. 0.98

01:35:49.000 Yeah. 0.84

01:35:50.000 The fake tits and the tan is not the best part about it, but I do like the fit bodies. 0.99

01:35:57.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.79

01:35:57.000 I do like the fit bodies. 0.79

01:35:59.000 Yeah.

01:35:59.000 It's just like, but if you want to be like one of those Instagram models, there's a market for that now.

01:36:05.000 You could make a lot of money.

01:36:06.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people doing selfie workouts at Gold's Gym.

01:36:09.000 Well, you know, I'm not saying you should do that.

01:36:14.000 But what I am saying is, why is it okay to be a regular model?

01:36:17.000 And it's not okay to do that.

01:36:19.000 Like, people look down on Instagram models.

01:36:21.000 They look down on some girl who just, like, this is her job, is to look hot and take pictures in her underwear washing a car. 1.00

01:36:28.000 What do you give a fuck? 1.00

01:36:29.000 This is my take on it. 1.00

01:36:30.000 The reason why it exists is because men like me stare at it, first of all.

01:36:33.000 And B, why is that less valid than someone who starves himself to look like a coat hanger and walks down a runway?

01:36:42.000 You know, who's asking that question right now is Adam Levine's wife.

01:36:45.000 Ah!

01:36:46.000 Because she's a Victoria's Secret model and he's naming their kid after his Instagram model girlfriend.

01:36:53.000 Whoops.

01:36:54.000 Did you hear about that?

01:36:54.000 Yes.

01:36:55.000 That's a big whoops. 1.00

01:36:57.000 Dude, what the fuck? 1.00

01:36:58.000 Yeah, bro. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Yeah, not good.

01:37:01.000 Yeah, that's a...

01:37:04.000 I mean, when you see the neck tattoo, you go, alright, you're making some questionable decisions.

01:37:09.000 But in his world, that's not questionable.

01:37:11.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00

01:37:12.000 That's like, if you could get tattooed neck and shit, that's a real motherfucker. 1.00

01:37:16.000 That's a way of saying, I don't need a plan B. Plan A is working out fine. 1.00

01:37:21.000 Yeah, yeah, 100%. 0.99

01:37:23.000 Yeah, if you're like Post Malone, you're getting your face tattooed up, like he doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:37:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:37:28.000 He's like, he's free of, and he's got his whole head tattooed. 0.99

01:37:31.000 Have you ever thought about a neck tattoo?

01:37:33.000 Yeah, I'm getting one tomorrow.

01:37:35.000 Don't tread on me.

01:37:37.000 Doesn't Aaron from, what's his name, from Stained, Aaron Lewis, doesn't he have don't tread on me tattooed on his neck?

01:37:44.000 You should get a Colombian necktie tattoo. 0.98

01:37:47.000 As a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, I would never have Don't Tread On Me tattooed on my neck because it would just be way too inviting for people to choke me.

01:37:55.000 That's all they would be going for now.

01:37:57.000 They're just trying to choke me. 1.00

01:37:58.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:37:59.000 Fuck you with that stupid thing on your neck. 1.00

01:38:00.000 I'm going to strangle him. 1.00

01:38:05.000 If I saw a guy with a Don't Tread On Me thing on his neck, I might have to strangle him. 1.00

01:38:10.000 It would feel extra exciting to put the choke on him. 0.90

01:38:14.000 He's got a beautiful voice, that guy.

01:38:19.000 He turned to a country singer.

01:38:21.000 It's very interesting.

01:38:22.000 He's like a pro-Trump, god, guns, and country type dude.

01:38:28.000 Who is he?

01:38:29.000 Stained.

01:38:30.000 The guy from the lead singer of Stained. 1.00

01:38:33.000 He's talented as fuck, man. 0.99

01:38:35.000 But he's very politically active. 1.00

01:38:38.000 He's a country boy.

01:38:40.000 But I think it's legit.

01:38:43.000 I think that's actually who he is.

01:38:45.000 I don't think he's affecting a thing.

01:38:48.000 I think that's who he is.

01:38:49.000 When you listen to his lyrics and songs, it resonates more, the way he sings now.

01:38:53.000 I think he just had a great voice.

01:38:55.000 And he sung for Stained, and he's like, this is what I really want to do.

01:38:59.000 Don't tread on me, tattooed on my neck.

01:39:01.000 That's a guy that doesn't need a plan B. That's an aggressive thing to have on your neck.

01:39:08.000 Yeah.

01:39:10.000 Yeah.

01:39:11.000 That's like...

01:39:12.000 What do you think you would get if you got a neck tattoo?

01:39:18.000 Like an owl on your neck?

01:39:21.000 I think I might get that.

01:39:23.000 Whatever the logo is for the guy who is the Native American comedian.

01:39:28.000 What do you call that?

01:39:30.000 The Hayoka? 0.54

01:39:31.000 Yeah.

01:39:31.000 Is there a logo for Hayoka?

01:39:34.000 That would be a fucking badass tattoo. 0.99

01:39:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:36.000 See if there's a Lakota symbol for Hayoka. 0.99

01:39:40.000 Mmm, interesting.

01:39:41.000 Yeah.

01:39:43.000 The Lakota, you know, the Lakota are the Sioux.

01:39:46.000 It's the same Indians. 1.00

01:39:47.000 Right.

01:39:48.000 They called them...

01:39:49.000 The Sioux was like a Native American word.

01:39:51.000 I think it was for enemy.

01:39:52.000 So other people called them the Sioux.

01:39:56.000 They called themselves the Lakotas.

01:39:57.000 A crazy horse was a Lakota. 1.00

01:39:59.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:40:00.000 And I think Sitting Bull might have been also.

01:40:03.000 The fascinating thing about those cultures...

01:40:06.000 Oh, is that what it looks like?

01:40:08.000 What is that...

01:40:12.000 Heyyoka ideas.

01:40:13.000 Oh.

01:40:15.000 Huh.

01:40:16.000 That one looks cool.

01:40:17.000 The War Shield.

01:40:19.000 A guy riding backwards?

01:40:21.000 That would be cultural appropriation.

01:40:23.000 No, I think that's the goof, if you go back to that picture, is like that as a Hayoka. 1.00

01:40:30.000 Go to the image, yeah.

01:40:32.000 He's riding backwards with a spear pointing in the wrong direction on a horse. 0.98

01:40:36.000 He's being a goof. 0.97

01:40:38.000 That's a guy joking around. 0.94

01:40:39.000 So that's the idea behind it.

01:40:41.000 So the Hayoka would crack everybody up.

01:40:45.000 Oh, that one's good.

01:40:46.000 What about the guy with the flowers on his head?

01:40:49.000 Striped.

01:40:50.000 Right there?

01:40:50.000 No, two to the left.

01:40:52.000 Yeah, that guy.

01:40:53.000 Oh, so it's like a jester.

01:40:54.000 Yeah.

01:40:55.000 So they've like combined things.

01:40:57.000 Right.

01:40:57.000 Heyoka as an archetype, harnessing the power of infinite mask wearing.

01:41:02.000 Okay.

01:41:02.000 I think we stumbled into a bizarre community.

01:41:05.000 Did you see the guy that got behind Kim Kardashian yesterday and smelled her ass? 1.00

01:41:12.000 She was like coming out of her car and some fucking lunatic went up and smelled her ass. 1.00

01:41:17.000 Really? 1.00

01:41:18.000 Jamie, you gotta find that clip.

01:41:20.000 Jesus Christ.

01:41:22.000 You gotta think.

01:41:24.000 Look, everyone's got a fetish of some type. 1.00

01:41:27.000 If you look hard enough, but to own it like that and to go, I need to smell Kim's ass. 1.00

01:41:34.000 This video, I found it from 2016, but this is probably it. 1.00

01:41:38.000 Oh yeah, that is it.

01:41:39.000 Oh, I thought it just happened.

01:41:40.000 Somebody just sent it to me.

01:41:41.000 That's horrible. 1.00

01:41:45.000 What a dick. 1.00

01:41:49.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:41:52.000 What a dick. 1.00

01:41:55.000 I mean, what a life she lives. 1.00

01:41:57.000 You can't even get out of your car without somebody sniffing your ass. 1.00

01:42:00.000 Everyone's taking your picture. 1.00

01:42:05.000 God, this has got to be horrible.

01:42:07.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:42:09.000 Imagine thinking that's funny to do, too.

01:42:11.000 I don't think he thought it was funny.

01:42:12.000 I think that was his thing.

01:42:14.000 He needed a sniff.

01:42:15.000 Why do you think that?

01:42:17.000 You don't think that you lost a bet?

01:42:20.000 No, I think that there's guys that like to be humiliated, and that's part of it. 1.00

01:42:28.000 He's permanently shamed, but he's been thinking about sniffing her ass for years. 1.00

01:42:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:34.000 He stepped up.

01:42:36.000 Pfft, pfft.

01:42:40.000 Jesus Christ.

01:42:41.000 He's really inhaling.

01:42:42.000 Yeah.

01:42:44.000 So, what do you think that is, like, as a law? 1.00

01:42:47.000 He looks like a guy who would sniff an ass, too. 1.00

01:42:49.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:42:51.000 Yeah, I don't think he broke any laws.

01:42:53.000 No.

01:42:54.000 No?

01:42:55.000 It's not assault unless you touch someone, right?

01:42:58.000 I think they beat him up, though, afterwards.

01:43:00.000 So they definitely dove on him.

01:43:02.000 He got jumped by her security.

01:43:04.000 I wonder what's within their rights to do.

01:43:09.000 Right.

01:43:09.000 You know?

01:43:10.000 I think that's in their rights.

01:43:11.000 He broke the plane.

01:43:13.000 Right. 0.99

01:43:14.000 And then, are they allowed to beat the shit out of him? 0.99

01:43:16.000 Are you supposed to just hold on to him? 0.99

01:43:18.000 What are you supposed to do?

01:43:18.000 Wait until he tries to hit you?

01:43:19.000 Dude, whatever happened...

01:43:20.000 And hit him back?

01:43:21.000 I mean, what happened with Chappelle?

01:43:22.000 They beat the... 0.99

01:43:23.000 They beat the fuck out of that dude. 0.99

01:43:24.000 Yeah, they beat the fuck out of that dude. 0.98

01:43:26.000 I mean, is he allowed to sue for that? 0.92

01:43:29.000 Well, he's in jail for murder. 1.00

01:43:32.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

01:43:33.000 Yeah, or attempted murder. 1.00

01:43:35.000 Attempted murder, right?

01:43:36.000 Yeah, this guy was...

01:43:37.000 He stabbed his roommate in December of the year.

01:43:42.000 This guy that did it to Kim Kardashian, he got in trouble for doing it to somebody else too. 1.00

01:43:45.000 Oh, so he's just an ass sniffer. 1.00

01:43:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:48.000 Is it a prank thing that he does?

01:43:49.000 I believe so.

01:43:50.000 Yeah.

01:43:51.000 There's a video of five times he tried to do it. 1.00

01:43:54.000 That dude, that dude needs to get his ass kicked. 1.00

01:43:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:58.000 You do that to the wrong guy, you know?

01:44:00.000 Yep.

01:44:03.000 Do that to Francis Ngannou's girlfriend? 0.52

01:44:06.000 Yeah.

01:44:07.000 You know, do it to the wrong guy.

01:44:08.000 Do it to the wrong guy.

01:44:09.000 Alright. 1.00

01:44:09.000 You're gonna get fucked up. 1.00

01:44:11.000 That's dangerous. 1.00

01:44:13.000 Some surfer, who's apparently like a famous surfer, just got killed in a bar fight where some guy punched him and he fell and hit his head and died.

01:44:22.000 And I talk about this all the time, that people think it's safe to hit someone and just knock them out in a bar.

01:44:28.000 It's so dangerous.

01:44:30.000 On the street, it's so dangerous to knock someone out.

01:44:33.000 And you're going to spend a lot of time in jail thinking about that.

01:44:36.000 One second you thought that would be a good idea.

01:44:39.000 Yeah.

01:44:40.000 People think, like, they watch movies.

01:44:42.000 They think people get knocked out.

01:44:43.000 It's no big deal.

01:44:44.000 People die all the time when they hit their head.

01:44:47.000 There was this kid in my town who got, you know, just two guys.

01:44:51.000 They got in a fist fight.

01:44:52.000 He punched him once.

01:44:53.000 The kid fell down. 1.00

01:44:54.000 He was fucked up for the rest of his life. 1.00

01:44:56.000 He was just off. 1.00

01:44:57.000 He's like the guy in your town now who's off.

01:45:00.000 Oh, no.

01:45:00.000 Yeah.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, that's a real thing, man.

01:45:06.000 Car accidents, guys who played football, sometimes their head just gets broken.

01:45:12.000 Fighters, it just gets broken.

01:45:14.000 Like, you're not coming back.

01:45:15.000 You're this guy now.

01:45:17.000 Forever.

01:45:19.000 But, you know, Kevin James, when he was a bouncer at a bar in New York, and one of the guys that he worked with got in a fight with some patron, knocked him out, and died.

01:45:31.000 The guy died.

01:45:33.000 He punched the guy.

01:45:34.000 Guy was a drunk, fell, hit his head, and then he went to jail.

01:45:38.000 For how long?

01:45:39.000 I don't know.

01:45:39.000 It was years, though.

01:45:41.000 Lot of years.

01:45:42.000 Yeah.

01:45:42.000 I think it was like seven years or something like that.

01:45:44.000 Right. 1.00

01:45:45.000 I don't know if it was manslaughter or second-degree murder or what they convict you on, but fuck, man. 0.99

01:45:51.000 I was watching a video of these guys that robbed some kid, 21-year-old kid in New York, just walked up to him and just blasted him in the face and knocked him unconscious, and the kid falls. 0.99

01:46:00.000 Onto the curb and hits his head and he was dead in five days and you know they're trying to find the kids who did it I don't know if they found him but it's like imagine they got twenty dollars from him they stole twenty bucks Just knocking some out and not understanding. 0.98

01:46:16.000 Like, you might as well just be shooting them because you could very easily kill someone this way. 0.98

01:46:21.000 Very easily. 1.00

01:46:22.000 You're falling so far.

01:46:24.000 When you get knocked out and you're standing up, you're falling so far and you're hitting your head. 1.00

01:46:29.000 Like, if you just fall two feet dead weight and hit your head, you could get fucked up, man. 0.99

01:46:35.000 Think of something hitting you as hard as the earth. 1.00

01:46:38.000 Hitting your head from two feet away. 0.99

01:46:40.000 Oh my god, it would be devastating. 0.99

01:46:41.000 Now imagine it happening from five, six feet.

01:46:44.000 And you're getting KO'd, so there's momentum.

01:46:46.000 You're falling backwards.

01:46:48.000 It's not just as simple as just gravity.

01:46:50.000 There's actually momentum, too.

01:46:51.000 So maybe it's double the power.

01:46:53.000 There's also a lot of people talking about neck punches now, throat punches, instead of punching someone in the face and they think, Well, yeah, but...

01:47:01.000 Who are you talking to?

01:47:02.000 A lot of people are talking about neck punches?

01:47:04.000 I saw it on the internet.

01:47:05.000 I saw this compilation of people getting throat punches, just like street fights where people are intentionally doing it.

01:47:12.000 That's just as dangerous because you could break the windpipe.

01:47:18.000 Nah.

01:47:19.000 I think you're probably okay.

01:47:21.000 Yeah.

01:47:22.000 I don't think that's as dangerous.

01:47:24.000 You can get knocked out by getting hit in the neck, for sure.

01:47:27.000 You definitely can get your neck hurt.

01:47:30.000 But I wonder if you get knocked out as easily.

01:47:32.000 The chin is where it's really dangerous.

01:47:34.000 Because you get hit in the chin, a lot of times people just shut off.

01:47:37.000 Yeah.

01:47:38.000 Or you get hit in the temple, a lot of times people get shut off.

01:47:41.000 And when you get shut off and you fall back, that's the most dangerous.

01:47:45.000 You definitely, I mean, it's not good to get punched in the neck, but it's not like a smart strategy or boxers just be punching each other in the neck.

01:47:52.000 You know, they kind of a little bit do that, but it's just really like accidentally.

01:47:56.000 They're trying to hit the chin.

01:47:59.000 Kicks, though.

01:48:00.000 Some of the best head kick knockouts.

01:48:03.000 Guys will land a kick on the neck, and they're like right here.

01:48:07.000 Like right here and almost like behind your head. 0.97

01:48:09.000 Yeah.

01:48:10.000 Because if you think of someone throwing their shin up at you and where their shin is going to contact with the side of your neck, that shuts people right off.

01:48:18.000 That's how Kamaru Usman got knocked out by Leon Edwards.

01:48:23.000 I think that one actually might have hit his head.

01:48:25.000 But it was like the head, like right where the neck meets the head. 0.99

01:48:32.000 Getting hit in the head is fucking horrible for you. 0.99

01:48:38.000 So back to that Brett Favre thing. 1.00

01:48:41.000 Guarantee that has something to do with it.

01:48:44.000 Guarantee.

01:48:44.000 Yeah.

01:48:45.000 In fact, O.J. Simpson's people said that if he was to go to trial today, they would definitely bring up CTE in his defense.

01:48:53.000 But then you'd have to admit he killed them, right?

01:48:56.000 Because there's no reason why he has rage if he didn't really stab somebody.

01:49:00.000 Right.

01:49:00.000 Like, what are you saying?

01:49:02.000 I heard there was cocaine involved also.

01:49:04.000 Oh, really?

01:49:04.000 I heard that there was evidence that was not allowed about a cocaine dealer who had sold him a pretty good quantity of cocaine just before the killing.

01:49:15.000 Allegedly.

01:49:16.000 I should have to say allegedly.

01:49:17.000 Why would they suppress that?

01:49:19.000 Dude, I went to play golf.

01:49:20.000 You remember Jackie Flynn?

01:49:21.000 Yeah.

01:49:22.000 Great comic out of Boston.

01:49:24.000 And we go up to this golf course, Hanson Dam, and it's the two of us.

01:49:29.000 And we show up, and when you show up as a twosome, they pair you up with two other people to play.

01:49:34.000 So we sign in, and the starter goes, okay, you two are going to play with these two guys over here. 0.99

01:49:38.000 And we look over, and it's fucking O.J. Simpson. 0.99

01:49:41.000 Oh, my God.

01:49:42.000 And another dude, and I look up.

01:49:43.000 What year was this?

01:49:45.000 It was after the murders, but before he went to jail.

01:49:48.000 So we were...

01:49:49.000 I just look at the skies like this is...

01:49:52.000 After the murders, before he went to jail?

01:49:54.000 So before the trial?

01:49:56.000 No, after the trial, but before he went to jail for stealing his own merchandise.

01:50:00.000 Oh, right, right.

01:50:00.000 Okay, okay.

01:50:01.000 But he wasn't allowed at country clubs anymore.

01:50:03.000 He used to play at Bel Air and Riviera, all the best country clubs, and now he's playing at the same shitty publicore as I am.

01:50:10.000 And so I just look at this guy like, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

01:50:15.000 This is going to be my Tonight Show story someday.

01:50:18.000 And Jackie looks at him and he goes... 1.00

01:50:21.000 I ain't playing with that fucking murderer! 1.00

01:50:23.000 Fuck that! 1.00

01:50:24.000 He's a murderer! 1.00

01:50:25.000 And OJ just turned and walked away, and I just looked at Jackie like, how could you do this to me, man? 0.99

01:50:31.000 How could you steal?

01:50:32.000 The moment that we're on like the 11th hole, and I'm standing over a putt, and I just look at him and I go, OJ, if I sink this, you gotta tell me if you did it.

01:50:49.000 Imagine we had a video of that.

01:50:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:51.000 Jackie fucked you. 1.00

01:50:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:53.000 I'll never forgive him. 1.00

01:50:55.000 Were you hesitant at all to play with him?

01:50:57.000 No.

01:50:58.000 No, I was very excited.

01:51:00.000 I'd seen him at the driving range there before.

01:51:02.000 Would you play with him?

01:51:05.000 I don't play golf.

01:51:06.000 I play pool with him.

01:51:10.000 I would.

01:51:11.000 I would just to try to like...

01:51:13.000 Look, I've met people that kill people before.

01:51:15.000 You have?

01:51:16.000 Yeah, sure.

01:51:18.000 But not like that.

01:51:21.000 You know, I've met people that kill people in war.

01:51:24.000 Yeah.

01:51:24.000 That's a different animal.

01:51:26.000 That's different than chopping someone's heads off with a knife. 0.96

01:51:31.000 Dakota Meyer has one of the craziest stories about killing a guy with a rock. 1.00

01:51:36.000 Overseas.

01:51:37.000 Really?

01:51:37.000 Yeah, the guy, he lost his gun, is in hand-to-hand combat situation with the guy.

01:51:43.000 The guy's grabbing at his gear off of his vest.

01:51:47.000 He gets the guy to the ground and kills him with a rock. 0.76

01:51:51.000 Yeah. 0.74

01:51:52.000 He talked about it.

01:51:53.000 He's like, in that moment, he's like, me and this guy, we don't even know each other.

01:51:57.000 I don't know this guy.

01:51:58.000 I didn't have hate for this guy.

01:52:00.000 But I just had to do it. 0.99

01:52:02.000 And he had to try to kill me, too. 0.53

01:52:04.000 And how insane that situation is.

01:52:06.000 Like, you know, you're from here, and then all of a sudden you're there, and you're in this guy's town or whatever, and you're a part of a military...

01:52:18.000 Some sort of an action that they're doing that day.

01:52:23.000 And you find yourself in a hand-to-hand combat with some guy.

01:52:26.000 You don't know his language.

01:52:27.000 You don't know his history.

01:52:28.000 You don't know anything about him.

01:52:30.000 You just know it's you or him. 1.00

01:52:32.000 And you kill him with a rock. 1.00

01:52:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:36.000 That's a lot different than getting coked up and stabbing a waiter and cutting your wife's head off. 0.99

01:52:41.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:52:41.000 And then doing music videos afterwards. 0.95

01:52:44.000 Yeah.

01:52:45.000 And running fantasy football leagues and making jokes.

01:52:48.000 You ever see the video that he did?

01:52:49.000 Which one?

01:52:50.000 The rap video where he had a bunch of chicks around him and they were all topless.

01:52:53.000 No. 0.52

01:52:54.000 Oh yeah.

01:52:55.000 Was this in his Miami days or is he still in his Miami days?

01:52:58.000 I don't know where he is.

01:52:59.000 Yeah.

01:53:01.000 I know he moved to Florida.

01:53:02.000 I know he was in Miami for a while and he was definitely doing, not definitely, allegedly doing a lot of cocaine.

01:53:08.000 Allegedly?

01:53:08.000 Yeah.

01:53:08.000 Imagine doing coke with OJ. Oh, that's a good night.

01:53:12.000 Can you imagine?

01:53:13.000 Yeah.

01:53:14.000 How wild it would get if he got a little loose lips.

01:53:17.000 Do you think he even believes he killed them at this point in time?

01:53:20.000 He might not even believe he did it.

01:53:22.000 He might have been so...

01:53:24.000 He might have told that lie so many times that that's his truth.

01:53:28.000 Yeah.

01:53:29.000 You know?

01:53:29.000 It might be like...

01:53:30.000 You might never get to the real man.

01:53:33.000 He might be like a politician.

01:53:36.000 Everywhere he goes, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, he's putting on an act.

01:53:42.000 He never gets to the real OJ. But a couple of fucking Hennessys. 1.00

01:53:46.000 A few lines. 1.00

01:53:49.000 Nice, fat blunt.

01:53:51.000 Sitting in the back of the limo with a couple of topless girls. 1.00

01:53:54.000 OJ, tell me!

01:53:55.000 You want to see the video of him rapping?

01:53:57.000 Yeah!

01:53:57.000 Hell yeah!

01:53:58.000 Find the video of OJ rapping.

01:54:00.000 This is after he was acquitted.

01:54:01.000 He was doing a bunch of different things.

01:54:03.000 And then he did something.

01:54:04.000 Some sort of rap music video.

01:54:06.000 It was part of a TV show thing he called Juiced.

01:54:11.000 It's labeled as a TV special, but I think it was one of those Too Hot for TV DVDs they were trying to sell.

01:54:17.000 Oh, like Girls Gone Wild.

01:54:18.000 Oh.

01:54:19.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:54:20.000 That's why there's naked chicks in it. 1.00

01:54:22.000 Do you remember the Jamie Kennedy experiment?

01:54:25.000 Of course.

01:54:26.000 Jamie Kennedy is like the most underrated prank show guy in history.

01:54:32.000 Because people don't talk about him like when they talk about the greats.

01:54:35.000 He kind of happened in between Tom Green and Jackass was Jamie Kennedy.

01:54:41.000 Well, he had this thing called Guys Gone Nuts, and it was like the response to Girls Gone Wild.

01:54:49.000 So this is like the whole series of this.

01:54:52.000 But at one point in time, they're doing a music video.

01:54:55.000 I know we pulled it up before.

01:54:56.000 Yeah, but the thing is, I remember now that when I found it, it was not on YouTube.

01:55:00.000 Oh, so here it is right here.

01:55:02.000 But I found it on YouTube.

01:55:02.000 Oh, there it is.

01:55:04.000 So you can still have titties on YouTube? 0.95

01:55:05.000 No, this is just slipping through. 0.83

01:55:08.000 Oh, man, we're gonna ruin it.

01:55:09.000 I'm not playing it for anyone.

01:55:11.000 We're gonna ruin it.

01:55:11.000 But we're gonna ruin it.

01:55:12.000 They're gonna find it.

01:55:12.000 The YouTube people are gonna find it.

01:55:17.000 So these gals danced around with their boobies out, and there's a rap song somewhere in there. 1.00

01:55:25.000 Yeah, that was not...

01:55:27.000 There it is.

01:55:29.000 That's it.

01:56:19.000 What?

01:56:22.000 What?

01:56:22.000 What was that?

01:56:26.000 He showed the Bronco!

01:56:28.000 Yeah, with a bullet hole.

01:56:29.000 That's probably one of the skits, probably earlier on.

01:56:31.000 And him chasing somebody with a golf club.

01:56:34.000 I don't think that was him.

01:56:35.000 I think that was somebody else chasing somebody, wasn't it?

01:56:37.000 Come on, O.T., just sign the ball and it'll go away.

01:56:47.000 Gotcha.

01:56:50.000 You've just been juiced. 0.99

01:56:51.000 He was pretending he was going to kill them. 0.99

01:56:53.000 Oh, wow. 0.96

01:56:55.000 And they're running away from him.

01:56:58.000 It was a prank.

01:56:59.000 I thought you were talking about the other thing where people were...

01:57:01.000 Wow.

01:57:03.000 Maybe he just did something like he accused him of hitting his ball and then got mad.

01:57:07.000 Oh, my God.

01:57:08.000 I don't know.

01:57:09.000 It's fine.

01:57:10.000 Oh, my God.

01:57:11.000 So, it was a prank show?

01:57:12.000 Yeah. 0.69

01:57:13.000 From a guy that you knew was a murderer.

01:57:15.000 Uh-huh.

01:57:15.000 Yeah.

01:57:17.000 Along with a rap video with topless ladies. 0.99

01:57:22.000 What if he didn't do it?

01:57:25.000 Imagine if Bigfoot's real.

01:57:27.000 Imagine if all those people are telling the truth.

01:57:29.000 Yeah.

01:57:34.000 What if you're OJ, you're this guy that was in Naked Gun, and you were in Hertz commercials running through the airport, and you were a superstar athlete, and you were a great dude to everybody that ever talked to him.

01:57:47.000 Great dude.

01:57:47.000 This was an aberration.

01:57:49.000 This killing made no sense.

01:57:51.000 And what if it didn't happen?

01:57:53.000 What if there really was somebody else, and this is all hanging on him?

01:57:56.000 That would be crazy.

01:57:57.000 If it's like a movie.

01:57:58.000 Yeah.

01:57:59.000 Yeah.

01:58:00.000 It's like a...

01:58:02.000 Knives Out movie.

01:58:03.000 Right.

01:58:04.000 Like they've just like set him up the entire time.

01:58:07.000 Like a really bad book.

01:58:09.000 Who would stand to gain from that?

01:58:11.000 Yeah, some bad evil detective.

01:58:15.000 Yeah.

01:58:15.000 Well, what was his name?

01:58:17.000 Mark Furman.

01:58:17.000 Yeah, Mark Furman.

01:58:18.000 Imagine. 0.97

01:58:19.000 He was a racist.

01:58:20.000 That was OJ's defense.

01:58:22.000 Yeah.

01:58:23.000 Imagine if Mark Furman's just sitting there, ha, [...

01:58:41.000 No, yeah, he described in it what if, and he described the murder from his point of view.

01:58:46.000 He signed it.

01:58:47.000 I had a signed copy of the book.

01:58:49.000 Really?

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:50.000 Wow.

01:58:51.000 Probably not a good thing to have around.

01:58:52.000 Probably not.

01:58:53.000 Yeah.

01:58:54.000 Maybe it was good she threw it out.

01:58:55.000 Yeah.

01:58:56.000 I mean, I never even read it.

01:58:57.000 I just point to people.

01:58:59.000 I go, see that?

01:59:00.000 Look at that.

01:59:02.000 I forget who gave it to me.

01:59:03.000 Might have been Sakura.

01:59:04.000 Someone like that.

01:59:05.000 What are you reading right now?

01:59:07.000 In the middle of...

01:59:09.000 I haven't been reading reading.

01:59:11.000 I've been just doing audiobooks.

01:59:12.000 But I'm in the middle of...

01:59:13.000 You know that movie, The Gray Man?

01:59:15.000 That was with Ryan Reynolds and...

01:59:19.000 No, Ryan Gosling.

01:59:20.000 Ryan Gosling.

01:59:20.000 I always confuse those handsome fellas.

01:59:22.000 Yeah, poor bastards. 1.00

01:59:22.000 Ryan Gosling and... 1.00

01:59:24.000 Who else was in it?

01:59:26.000 Chris Evans.

01:59:27.000 Chris Evans.

01:59:27.000 Captain America.

01:59:28.000 Uh-huh.

01:59:31.000 The movie that they did for Netflix, like one of the most expensive action movies ever, fun movie, but very different than the book.

01:59:39.000 The book is dark.

01:59:40.000 The book is about like a real CIA hitman.

01:59:44.000 Oh yeah?

01:59:46.000 They found when he was like 19 years old, he had committed, he had murdered some drug dealers or something like that, and they incorporated him into the CIA program where they trained him to kill people. 0.99

01:59:58.000 No shit. 0.99

01:59:58.000 True story? 0.99

01:59:59.000 No, I don't think it's a true story, but I think there's some basis in history that they have done things like that.

02:00:09.000 Oh, absolutely.

02:00:10.000 Yeah.

02:00:10.000 No, that's the CIA's MO. Yeah.

02:00:12.000 Well, they most certainly have hired killers.

02:00:14.000 Yeah.

02:00:15.000 And, you know, contractors and stuff like that.

02:00:18.000 I know people have done that.

02:00:20.000 But this book is about this one guy who's the elite of the elite, the gray man.

02:00:27.000 It's pretty intense.

02:00:28.000 That's cool.

02:00:28.000 This is a series of them.

02:00:30.000 They get a little...

02:00:31.000 You know, it's hard to keep a good idea going after a while.

02:00:35.000 Like, how come this guy's not dead?

02:00:36.000 Yeah.

02:00:37.000 Like, this is a little crazy. 0.98

02:00:38.000 Kills everybody. 0.99

02:00:38.000 Barely gets shot. 0.99

02:00:40.000 Yeah.

02:00:41.000 I know.

02:00:42.000 I just watched the...

02:00:44.000 Jeff Bridges did one called The Old Man, this series.

02:00:47.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:48.000 I watched that.

02:00:48.000 Yeah.

02:00:49.000 I watched it up until a point.

02:00:50.000 I'm like, come on.

02:00:51.000 That's what I was just going to say.

02:00:52.000 I bailed out an episode seven out of eight.

02:00:55.000 I was just like, no, no. 0.97

02:00:57.000 And the first episode was fucking great. 0.96

02:01:01.000 Some series of a perfect, perfect first episode. 0.98

02:01:04.000 The first few episodes were great, but it got to a point where they would have found him.

02:01:08.000 How are you just driving there?

02:01:09.000 You can't just drive places anymore.

02:01:11.000 It was implausible.

02:01:12.000 Not only that, you have a car that has GPS on it.

02:01:14.000 This is nonsense.

02:01:15.000 And why is the woman that he kidnapped being left alone in his apartment and she's not calling the police? 0.99

02:01:21.000 Because he fucks her good. 0.99

02:01:23.000 Because he's 80 years old. 1.00

02:01:26.000 He's not fucking anything. 0.99

02:01:27.000 No, you're wrong. 0.99

02:01:29.000 You're wrong.

02:01:30.000 He gives it to him.

02:01:30.000 He's getting B12 shots.

02:01:32.000 Yeah, he's ready to go.

02:01:34.000 He's got those killer dogs.

02:01:35.000 It would have been a really good movie that would have ended like No Country for Old Men, where it had like a weird ending.

02:01:42.000 That would have been a good movie.

02:01:43.000 But as a series, it just like...

02:01:45.000 Too much talking and explaining things, not enough showing me things, means that you didn't know how to resolve things.

02:01:51.000 You got a little television-ish for a while.

02:01:54.000 It was bad writing.

02:01:55.000 But it wasn't in the beginning.

02:01:56.000 No, it was good at the first.

02:01:57.000 In the beginning, it's like they had a great concept, and you bought into it.

02:02:00.000 Even the way he survived and the way he managed to thrive, you bought into it. 0.99

02:02:05.000 Up until he kidnaps her and takes her across the country, and you're like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:02:09.000 Right. 1.00

02:02:09.000 They're going to find you, bro. 1.00

02:02:11.000 You can't just do that.

02:02:12.000 They'll find you.

02:02:12.000 There's only so many roads.

02:02:14.000 Where are you going?

02:02:15.000 Yeah.

02:02:15.000 There's so many roads.

02:02:16.000 You get these two actors together and you don't put them in the same scene.

02:02:20.000 What's the guy from Third Rock?

02:02:21.000 What's that actor's name?

02:02:22.000 John Lithgow.

02:02:23.000 You get John Lithgow and Jeff Bridges together and they're never on screen together.

02:02:29.000 Right.

02:02:29.000 No!

02:02:30.000 Right.

02:02:31.000 Well, I think it could have been, like I said, it could have been a great movie.

02:02:36.000 After a while, it just seemed to get a little slippery.

02:02:38.000 I don't mind Liam Neeson doing action, either.

02:02:41.000 I mean, he's getting up there, and I still buy it. 0.97

02:02:43.000 He's fucking good. 0.99

02:02:45.000 He's good. 0.99

02:02:46.000 What is the main one that he did?

02:02:47.000 Taken?

02:02:48.000 Taken, yeah.

02:02:49.000 Yeah.

02:02:49.000 When he calls a guy up.

02:02:51.000 People have used that for so many reels.

02:02:53.000 I have a particular set of skills.

02:02:56.000 Yeah.

02:02:57.000 Yeah, I bought that.

02:02:58.000 I love Daniel Craig as James Bond.

02:03:00.000 Sure. 1.00

02:03:01.000 I like a good fucking assassin movie. 0.99

02:03:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:04.000 A good badass movie. 1.00

02:03:06.000 They're fun.

02:03:07.000 An aging action star.

02:03:08.000 I actually like that. 0.99

02:03:10.000 Did you see the video of the 92-year-old man fucking this young guy up on the street? 0.99

02:03:14.000 No! 0.98

02:03:15.000 Go to Lennox Lewis's Instagram page.

02:03:19.000 There's a video of these guys pick a fight with a...

02:03:22.000 I think he's 92. He's 92 years old.

02:03:25.000 And he fucks these guys up. 0.97

02:03:27.000 He takes his shirt off and starts boxing these guys in the street. 0.99

02:03:30.000 What country?

02:03:31.000 I don't know.

02:03:32.000 I don't know where it was.

02:03:35.000 Let's see if you can find it.

02:03:36.000 Just pull up Lennox Lewis's page and I'll show you which one it is.

02:03:39.000 That's it right there.

02:03:41.000 So does it say?

02:03:45.000 It says 92-year-old retired professional boxer.

02:03:47.000 So these people start getting into an argument and start pushing each other around.

02:03:52.000 It eventually turns back around normal.

02:03:55.000 And so...

02:03:56.000 So it's in front of a McDonald's.

02:03:59.000 So they're pushing this guy around.

02:04:05.000 And so this guy steps in. 0.99

02:04:09.000 The guy with the black shirt, he's the one who's gonna get fucked up. 0.99

02:04:11.000 This young guy. 1.00

02:04:16.000 So he hits him.

02:04:17.000 Boom! 0.99

02:04:18.000 The old dude just flatlined him.

02:04:22.000 No, it gets better.

02:04:23.000 It gets better.

02:04:23.000 Look at him.

02:04:24.000 This guy's 92 years old.

02:04:26.000 He flatlines that guy.

02:04:28.000 And look at him.

02:04:29.000 He's dancing around.

02:04:30.000 I mean, this is an old dude and a young guy that he just cracked.

02:04:34.000 Look at them stand in front of each other.

02:04:37.000 The guy tries to take him out.

02:04:38.000 Boom! 0.99

02:04:39.000 Drops him again.

02:04:40.000 And now the old dude's getting wild.

02:04:42.000 Now he's getting wild.

02:04:44.000 Look, he takes his shirt off. 0.99

02:04:45.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:04:46.000 Let's go, bitch. 1.00

02:04:48.000 Takes his shirt off. 1.00

02:04:49.000 Now this kid's squaring up with him. 1.00

02:04:51.000 He's fucked. 1.00

02:04:52.000 Bam! 1.00

02:04:52.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:04:55.000 Look at this.

02:04:56.000 92. He's pushing everybody the fuck away from him. 0.98

02:04:58.000 Get up, bitch. 1.00

02:05:00.000 You want some more? 1.00

02:05:02.000 Look at this.

02:05:04.000 This guy's still...

02:05:05.000 Look at how he's standing.

02:05:06.000 Squared off.

02:05:07.000 Has no idea how to box.

02:05:09.000 And the other two guys stayed down. 1.00

02:05:11.000 Stayed down, bitch. 1.00

02:05:12.000 They were down. 1.00

02:05:13.000 Look at this old dude, man.

02:05:15.000 92 years old.

02:05:16.000 He looks like Russian or something.

02:05:20.000 They age better.

02:05:21.000 And he probably thought, you know what, I'm 92. If I die, fuck it. 1.00

02:05:25.000 I'm going to have some fun. 1.00

02:05:26.000 Let's die like this. 0.98

02:05:27.000 Yeah. 0.81

02:05:27.000 But when you see that guy standing with his legs squared off in front of him, with his hands up, he has zero idea how to fight. 0.81

02:05:34.000 Yeah.

02:05:34.000 It was the perfect moment for that guy to do that.

02:05:38.000 I thought he was going to start hitting the women. 1.00

02:05:39.000 Because after he knocked out the three guys, women started coming at him.

02:05:43.000 Yeah.

02:05:44.000 That's a sticky situation to be in.

02:05:46.000 What do you do?

02:05:47.000 You don't want to let a woman punch you. 1.00

02:05:48.000 Nope. 0.99

02:05:49.000 Women can knock you out. 1.00

02:05:50.000 Yep. 0.74

02:05:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:52.000 There's women out there that can fucking knock you out. 1.00

02:05:55.000 Hell yeah! 0.99

02:05:55.000 Especially if you don't see it coming. 0.99

02:05:58.000 Like, they sucker punch you from the side.

02:05:59.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

02:06:00.000 Fucking dangerous. 1.00

02:06:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:03.000 Yeah, you can't let them hit you, but if you hit them...

02:06:06.000 It's all on video.

02:06:07.000 Oh, my God.

02:06:08.000 And if you knock a woman out, she falls and hits her head.

02:06:10.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:06:12.000 Oh, boy.

02:06:12.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:06:14.000 And she dies.

02:06:15.000 That's bad. 1.00

02:06:15.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:06:16.000 Doesn't matter who jumped you. 1.00

02:06:19.000 You punch a woman in the head and knock her out. 0.99

02:06:21.000 I punched a woman one time. 0.96

02:06:23.000 Oh my god, what happened?

02:06:24.000 It was Halloween and I was like 13. And we were running around our neighborhood.

02:06:31.000 You know, we all had...

02:06:31.000 Everybody dressed...

02:06:33.000 You call it bums. 0.93

02:06:34.000 We used to say bums. 0.91

02:06:35.000 Right.

02:06:36.000 But isn't that funny?

02:06:36.000 We used to dress as homeless people.

02:06:38.000 Yeah, that was like a costume.

02:06:39.000 That was a costume to be a bum! 0.83

02:06:41.000 Yeah.

02:06:43.000 You would never see that today!

02:06:45.000 It's true.

02:06:45.000 That's so true.

02:06:46.000 We used to wear ratty-ass clothes, and we'd put dirt on our face. 0.91

02:06:50.000 And there was a girl, and she had... 0.97

02:06:53.000 I thought it was a guy.

02:06:56.000 And she had on a mask and sprayed me in the eyes. 1.00

02:07:00.000 We used to take shaving cream, and we would put an aerosol top on a shaving cream can, and it would spray the shaving cream like 20 feet.

02:07:07.000 It was awesome.

02:07:08.000 And we'd bring eggs, and we'd go crazy.

02:07:11.000 And so she sprayed in my eye, so I can't see that well, and I chase what I thought was him, knocked him down, I'm sitting on top of him, and I punch him in the face, and then everybody's screaming, and they pull me up, they're like, dude, it's a girl! 1.00

02:07:27.000 And I was like, fuck! 0.99

02:07:29.000 So I just fucking run away. 1.00

02:07:32.000 I run away. 0.97

02:07:33.000 And it turns out it was a girl from the next town over from where I grew up.

02:07:37.000 She was one town over.

02:07:38.000 And then that winter, we were at the Tarrytown Lakes, which is, they would freeze over in the winter.

02:07:45.000 And they had these big telephone poles, and they had floodlights, and they had speakers, and they would play AM radio, and they had a big heated shack.

02:07:54.000 You'd change your skates, and during the day you'd play hockey, and then at night we'd all show up, and they would light it, and they'd stay up until like 11 o'clock at night, and that was like our social life in the winter, and we'd skate.

02:08:04.000 And, you know, you'd hide some beers in the snowbank, and you'd get fucked up, and you'd try to make out with the girl, and so it was great.

02:08:12.000 So I go there, and I'm like 13, and they go, oh yeah, that's so-and-so, she's got a crush on you.

02:08:17.000 I was like, oh, where's she from?

02:08:19.000 She's from the next town over.

02:08:20.000 Yeah, you punched her in the face on Halloween. 0.51

02:08:22.000 And I was like, dude, that says a lot about her family life, you know?

02:08:28.000 Well, maybe she felt bad that she sprayed you in the face and then she thought while you were punching her, you're kind of cute.

02:08:36.000 He's got pretty eyes and a good right hook.

02:08:40.000 Did you apologize to her?

02:08:42.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:08:43.000 No, I felt terrible about it.

02:08:45.000 Did you apologize right afterwards or did you wait till you met her at the lake?

02:08:49.000 Oh, no.

02:09:11.000 And then I find out next week, and I was kind of into her.

02:09:14.000 She was pretty. 0.97

02:09:15.000 And I find out the next week she had a crush on the guy that knocked me out.

02:09:20.000 Oh, God.

02:09:21.000 Of course she did. 0.88

02:09:22.000 She likes abuse. 1.00

02:09:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:23.000 She's all for the chaos. 0.53

02:09:29.000 She probably would have been a wild one. 1.00

02:09:30.000 Yeah.

02:09:31.000 You know?

02:09:32.000 Yep.

02:09:33.000 What is this?

02:09:34.000 I don't want to ruin the illusion of this video, but he's not 92 years old.

02:09:39.000 Oh.

02:09:39.000 How old is he?

02:09:40.000 53. He's younger than me.

02:09:43.000 He looks like shit. 1.00

02:09:44.000 He looks like a 92 year old man. 1.00

02:09:46.000 He looks like shit. 1.00

02:09:46.000 He moves like shit. 1.00

02:09:48.000 God damn it. 1.00

02:09:50.000 That guy's younger than me. 1.00

02:09:53.000 Ah, that's hilarious. 0.99

02:09:53.000 If I move like that, I'd be fucking embarrassed. 0.99

02:09:56.000 He does. 0.99

02:09:56.000 He stands straight up. 0.99

02:09:58.000 His back looks atrophied.

02:09:59.000 Yeah, he looks like a dead man.

02:10:00.000 People said this was in Ashford in the UK, and he was an older gypsy man that people recognized.

02:10:07.000 Oh! 0.60

02:10:09.000 Gypsies, man. 1.00

02:10:10.000 They're wild folks.

02:10:11.000 Love the gypsies. 1.00

02:10:12.000 The fucking Gypsy King. 1.00

02:10:14.000 Dude, do you watch Peaky Blinders? 1.00

02:10:16.000 No.

02:10:16.000 I heard it's great, though.

02:10:17.000 Oh! 0.60

02:10:18.000 It's all about the gypsies. 1.00

02:10:19.000 Is it really great?

02:10:20.000 It is up there with, you know...

02:10:24.000 Game of Thrones?

02:10:24.000 Game of Thrones.

02:10:25.000 Really?

02:10:26.000 Sopranos, like in terms of one hour dramas. 0.97

02:10:28.000 It's not quite as good, but it is fucking cool. 0.64

02:10:32.000 The guy who's the lead is just one of the most badass protagonists in any drama you've ever seen in your life. 0.74

02:10:37.000 Okay, I gotta get on there.

02:10:38.000 But it taps into that world of like they live in, I think it's Birmingham, which I guess has a lot of Irish that have moved in and a lot of like gypsy influence.

02:10:49.000 So that's their dark side.

02:10:50.000 They go there.

02:10:51.000 They kind of dip into the gypsy world a little bit. 0.98

02:10:54.000 It's cool.

02:10:55.000 We got a gypsy heavyweight champion in the world. 0.99

02:10:57.000 No shit! 0.99

02:10:58.000 Yeah, the boxer. 1.00

02:10:59.000 Really?

02:11:00.000 Tyson Fury.

02:11:01.000 He's the gypsy king. 1.00

02:11:01.000 Oh, that's right. 1.00

02:11:02.000 That's right.

02:11:03.000 I knew that.

02:11:03.000 Yeah.

02:11:04.000 I mean, he's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.

02:11:06.000 Really?

02:11:06.000 He's a gypsy.

02:11:07.000 Yeah, unquestionably.

02:11:08.000 Unquestionably one of the greatest heavyweight boxers of all time. 0.99

02:11:11.000 Damn. 0.99

02:11:11.000 And he's the gypsy king. 0.99

02:11:12.000 He talks the best shit. 1.00

02:11:14.000 He talks the most shit. 1.00

02:11:16.000 He's hilarious. 1.00

02:11:17.000 It's really funny, man.

02:11:19.000 It's hard to be a gypsy now because they won't let you just live wherever you want. 1.00

02:11:22.000 They don't?

02:11:23.000 Gypsies used to just... 1.00

02:11:24.000 They were nomads.

02:11:25.000 They would just wander.

02:11:26.000 They would sharpen knives.

02:11:27.000 They'd go to places and sharpen knives.

02:11:30.000 But they do just bring their caravans places and park them.

02:11:33.000 Yeah.

02:11:34.000 That does still happen.

02:11:35.000 But I think they're having a harder time finding places.

02:11:37.000 Oh, really?

02:11:38.000 Yeah.

02:11:39.000 I didn't know that.

02:11:40.000 Because I knew that I had a friend who lived in the UK, and one of her friends from the UK was telling her that this band of gypsies just moved into an abandoned lot on their street.

02:11:50.000 They just pulled in and just, we live here now.

02:11:54.000 And then they couldn't get them out.

02:11:55.000 They couldn't get them to move out.

02:11:57.000 These people lived in like this well-to-do neighborhood.

02:12:00.000 Where is this?

02:12:01.000 Somewhere in the UK. Wow.

02:12:02.000 I don't know.

02:12:03.000 I don't remember the story, but I remember thinking like, oh, how does that work?

02:12:06.000 What do they do?

02:12:07.000 It's like, you can't get rid of them.

02:12:09.000 They're allowed to do that in certain places. 1.00

02:12:12.000 Shit. 1.00

02:12:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:13.000 Yeah.

02:12:16.000 What was the movie where, wasn't Brad Pitt?

02:12:19.000 Yeah.

02:12:19.000 Snatch.

02:12:20.000 Snatch.

02:12:21.000 That was great. 1.00

02:12:21.000 Great fucking movie. 1.00

02:12:23.000 That was a really good movie. 1.00

02:12:23.000 That was one of Guy Ritchie's fucking classics. 1.00

02:12:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:12:27.000 That's a great movie. 0.99

02:12:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:29.000 Fucking Brad Pitt, man. 1.00

02:12:30.000 He's the real deal. 0.99

02:12:31.000 Oh my god, he's been in everything.

02:12:32.000 Yeah. 0.75

02:12:33.000 He's done some very fucking cool characters. 0.71

02:12:36.000 That poor guy. 0.93

02:12:36.000 That Angelina Jolie thing. 0.93

02:12:38.000 Yeah.

02:12:38.000 Imagine that trial.

02:12:40.000 Because you think that the fucking Amber Heard trial was wild? 0.99

02:12:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:44.000 Imagine that trial.

02:12:45.000 Woo! 0.99

02:12:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:48.000 I mean, what the fuck, man? 1.00

02:12:50.000 Who had better sex with her? 1.00

02:12:52.000 Him or Billy Bob Thornton? 0.99

02:13:00.000 Because Brad physically had it over him, but Billy Bob was wearing the blood around his neck. 1.00

02:13:05.000 They were doing some dark shit. 0.99

02:13:07.000 They cut each other's skin and dripped blood into vials and kept it on their necks. 1.00

02:13:10.000 Yeah.

02:13:11.000 Okay. 1.00

02:13:12.000 Tattooed shit about each other on their bodies. 1.00

02:13:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:17.000 I think all of us fall short of that relationship. 1.00

02:13:21.000 Good.

02:13:21.000 In terms of passion.

02:13:22.000 Good. 1.00

02:13:23.000 That shit's unsustainable. 1.00

02:13:25.000 It's like when you see people sprinting, he's smiling, she's kissing him. 1.00

02:13:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:13:29.000 I bet he was having a good fucking time, I'll tell you that. 0.99

02:13:31.000 Yeah, he had a great time. 0.99

02:13:33.000 For as long as it lasted.

02:13:35.000 She's one of the sexiest women ever.

02:13:37.000 She's pretty hot. 1.00

02:13:38.000 Ugh. 0.95

02:13:39.000 Yeah, my friend Tony always says that psychotic and erotic, they're very closely related. 0.76

02:13:46.000 Yeah.

02:13:47.000 You gotta always take that into consideration.

02:13:50.000 Some of the most psycho chicks are the most erotic, and it's not necessarily good. 0.99

02:13:56.000 Amy Winehouse. 0.92

02:13:57.000 She must have been wild. 0.92

02:13:58.000 She's probably so drunk all the time. 0.99

02:13:59.000 Yeah.

02:14:00.000 Probably not.

02:14:01.000 Yeah, the heroin doesn't help.

02:14:02.000 Drunk heroin life does not lead itself to a lot of wild sexual exploits and chaos.

02:14:08.000 It seems like there's a lot of napping and throwing up in the sink. 0.99

02:14:11.000 Yeah, Sid and Nancy didn't fuck. 0.99

02:14:13.000 If they did, it wasn't good. 0.91

02:14:14.000 Yeah.

02:14:15.000 Maybe it was.

02:14:16.000 They probably smelled.

02:14:21.000 Sid, take a shower! 1.00

02:14:24.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:14:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:27.000 Those kind of relationships, though, they don't have a long shelf life. 1.00

02:14:32.000 It's like you're sprinting.

02:14:33.000 You're tattooing your names on each other immediately and dripping blood.

02:14:36.000 Where are you going to go from there?

02:14:38.000 Yeah.

02:14:38.000 Where's that going to go?

02:14:39.000 Doesn't matter.

02:14:40.000 Eventually, it's going to peter out.

02:14:41.000 You don't even cut yourself for me anymore.

02:14:43.000 I'm like, oh, come on.

02:14:44.000 I thought we were done.

02:14:45.000 I did it already. 1.00

02:14:47.000 Your fucking name's on my arm. 1.00

02:14:48.000 Come on, leave me alone. 1.00

02:14:49.000 Yeah.

02:14:51.000 You don't care anymore.

02:14:53.000 You're just DMing hoes on Instagram. 1.00

02:14:56.000 Come on.

02:14:57.000 You haven't sacrificed an animal for me in weeks.

02:15:00.000 Ugh.

02:15:01.000 I mean, that kind of a relationship.

02:15:03.000 Like, if you get involved in that kind of crazy level of relationship where you're cutting each other and carrying each other's blood around, like, where does that go?

02:15:11.000 Yeah.

02:15:11.000 You got to look at that in terms of a long-term project.

02:15:14.000 You start out sprinting like that.

02:15:16.000 Like, how is that sustainable? 0.98

02:15:18.000 I always feel like that about ass sacks. 0.98

02:15:20.000 You know, like, save it. 0.99

02:15:22.000 Save it.

02:15:23.000 You know, you're not going to...

02:15:27.000 I think you should maybe wait till you're 65, and then finally, you got her doggy style, and you go to put it in, and she just goes, finally!

02:15:39.000 Oh, no. 1.00

02:15:41.000 You're like, I wasted all these years of butt-fucking. 0.99

02:15:48.000 That's a thing that people either like or they don't like. 0.99

02:15:51.000 Right?

02:15:52.000 Some people like it, some people don't like it at all.

02:15:55.000 And it's not supposed to be good for you.

02:15:57.000 Like Dr. Drew was talking about all the dangers involved in that.

02:15:59.000 I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 0.82

02:16:03.000 Perlapsed anus. 0.98

02:16:04.000 Oh my god, Tom Segura. 0.91

02:16:06.000 Has sent me and showed me some of the most horrific things that they show on your mom's house live when they do those shows.

02:16:12.000 Yeah.

02:16:13.000 And one of them was these two guys that had prolapsed anuses.

02:16:16.000 They're fisting.

02:16:17.000 And they're pulling their anuses out, their prolapsed anuses out, and they were rubbing them together.

02:16:23.000 So like this pink sock. 1.00

02:16:26.000 From one guy's butt, and one guy, like, apparently, like, he was internally bleeding, because they're doing such rigorous, awful stuff to their assholes. 1.00

02:16:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:16:36.000 That everything was like a bright, dark red, and the doctor was like, that guy probably died that night.

02:16:40.000 Yeah.

02:16:40.000 Like, you're not gonna live from that one.

02:16:42.000 Yeah.

02:16:42.000 Like, ooh!

02:16:46.000 Just think about wiping your ass. 1.00

02:16:49.000 How do you wipe your ass after you take a dump? 1.00

02:16:51.000 How do you heal from that where you can shit again? 1.00

02:16:54.000 You're tearing your asshole apart and then poop has to come through there on the way out? 1.00

02:16:58.000 And when it's all broken up inside and the poop is rubbing up against that, do you get infected? 1.00

02:17:06.000 What happens there? 0.99

02:17:07.000 I got a friend who's gay. 1.00

02:17:08.000 He's never had anything in his ass. 1.00

02:17:11.000 Congratulations to him. 1.00

02:17:11.000 He's a non-anal gay guy. 1.00

02:17:14.000 Good for him.

02:17:14.000 Yeah.

02:17:15.000 I met these two guys at a show once in Connecticut, and I had a joke about two guys having anal sex. 0.99

02:17:21.000 And they wanted to come up to me after the show, and they go, we thought you were really funny, but we want you to know that a lot of gay people don't have anal sex. 0.99

02:17:28.000 I go, okay. 1.00

02:17:31.000 I go, but some of them do, right?

02:17:33.000 It's still a thing?

02:17:34.000 He's like, yeah, they do.

02:17:36.000 You just want me to know that you're not one of those people?

02:17:39.000 I go, duly noted.

02:17:41.000 I'm like, I don't know where we're going with this. 1.00

02:17:44.000 He just wanted me to know that there's a whole community of gay folks that don't have butt sucks. 1.00

02:17:48.000 Right. 1.00

02:17:49.000 I'm like, okay.

02:17:50.000 But it's not like I'm making this up, right? 1.00

02:17:51.000 Like, people do fuck each other in the butt. 1.00

02:17:54.000 Yeah, I've seen the videos. 1.00

02:17:55.000 I've seen the videos.

02:17:56.000 It's real.

02:17:57.000 Yeah.

02:17:57.000 So what are we doing here?

02:17:59.000 Yeah.

02:17:59.000 You're just telling me?

02:18:01.000 There's girls that don't either.

02:18:03.000 But I know a lot that do.

02:18:04.000 Yeah, that's the crazy thing.

02:18:06.000 Like, I've heard girls yell it out in comedy clubs. 1.00

02:18:08.000 Like, a comic on stage was on stage and he was talking about it. 0.99

02:18:11.000 It's like, some girls love anal. 1.00

02:18:13.000 Me! 0.99

02:18:14.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:15.000 Like, whoa.

02:18:16.000 Yeah.

02:18:16.000 You're throwing up the bat signal.

02:18:22.000 Yeah.

02:18:23.000 I mean, a girl yelling that out? 0.99

02:18:25.000 Like, how much attention does she need? 0.98

02:18:27.000 Right.

02:18:28.000 Woof! 1.00

02:18:29.000 Damn. 1.00

02:18:29.000 What kind of choices has she made other than that bad one? 1.00

02:18:33.000 Louie used to have a funny bit about anal sex. 0.99

02:18:36.000 He's like, I never got it. 0.99

02:18:37.000 He goes, you're an inch away from the greatest thing in the world.

02:18:44.000 I just did a couple shows with him in Canada.

02:18:47.000 We went up to Vancouver and did this theater. 0.98

02:18:53.000 Man, his new hour is fucking good. 0.98

02:18:56.000 It's very good. 0.99

02:18:56.000 It's so good. 0.99

02:18:57.000 Have you seen him?

02:18:58.000 Yeah, I saw him at the Creek in the Cave.

02:19:00.000 I mean, it's just so good.

02:19:02.000 I mean, I wish I could sit here and quote it, but I know he's going to probably put it out on his next special. 0.93

02:19:07.000 Yeah, well, he's still refining it, you know, and fucking around with it.

02:19:10.000 And he was working on new stuff and playing around when he was here. 0.93

02:19:14.000 But it's interesting to watch him work again.

02:19:17.000 You know, he's freer now than he's ever been before.

02:19:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:19:22.000 He's gone through the worst, and now he's on the other end of it, and he's just still doing the same kind of comedy. 0.91

02:19:28.000 Really funny, really ridiculous. 0.99

02:19:30.000 And he's just the fucking greatest guy. 0.99

02:19:32.000 We had such a good time. 0.98

02:19:34.000 In Vancouver, the mushrooms are legal, so I walked into this shop called the Fungi Shop. 0.92

02:19:40.000 It had the mushrooms on it, and there's a girl working behind the counter, and she's got on a yellow tube top and fucking pink hair and piercings, and she's... 1.00

02:19:52.000 Good for her. 0.99

02:19:52.000 And she's like the shroom, you know, tender. 0.99

02:19:56.000 Wow.

02:19:56.000 And I got like, I got an eighth of mushrooms, like fresh, fresh out of the field.

02:20:03.000 And I took them.

02:20:04.000 I don't think Louie took them.

02:20:06.000 And then we went to an art museum.

02:20:09.000 And just when they kicked in, I was in the art museum.

02:20:11.000 And then we went to a brunch.

02:20:13.000 And then we started walking.

02:20:15.000 And we got to a bus stop.

02:20:16.000 And I go, let's just sit here and look at these people.

02:20:19.000 And then a bus pulled up.

02:20:20.000 I go, let's get on the bus.

02:20:22.000 And we got on the bus.

02:20:23.000 And the bus went hurtling out of Vancouver.

02:20:26.000 Like went over a bridge to an island.

02:20:28.000 And we just got off.

02:20:30.000 And we're just wandering around and we went to like a marina and we're looking at the boats and talking to people.

02:20:35.000 And then we found a bridge that took us back to Vancouver.

02:20:39.000 And it was like six hours.

02:20:41.000 And then when we got back to town, we realized there was a film noir festival that was happening at this little indie theater that we had seen before.

02:20:50.000 And we walk in and the movie was starting in five minutes.

02:20:52.000 And we saw a double feature film noir as I'm Coming Down.

02:20:58.000 Wow.

02:20:59.000 And I checked my steps at the end of the day, and I did 3,200 steps on mushrooms in Vancouver.

02:21:05.000 It was one of the greatest days of my life.

02:21:07.000 That sounds incredible.

02:21:08.000 Yeah.

02:21:08.000 What were the movies?

02:21:09.000 Do you remember?

02:21:10.000 Yeah, one was called Something Highway.

02:21:16.000 It was in San Francisco, and it was about these guys that had gotten a big load of apples, and they were bringing it from the country to San Francisco.

02:21:27.000 Yeah.

02:21:28.000 Thieves Highway.

02:21:30.000 Is it good? 0.99

02:21:30.000 Oh, it's fucking good. 0.99

02:21:33.000 There was one scene where this guy is engaged to this girl and she's like, you know, she seems really sweet and they kind of play it that everything is really cool between them. 0.99

02:21:47.000 And then he meets a prostitute in San Francisco and he sleeps with her. 0.85

02:21:50.000 And he's like, you're after my money. 0.97

02:21:55.000 And she's like, yeah.

02:21:57.000 At least you know that with me.

02:21:59.000 You don't even realize it with her. 0.99

02:22:01.000 And so then later on in the movie, he loses all his money and the fiance fucking leaves him. 0.99

02:22:06.000 And the prostitute just looks at him and she goes, aren't women great? 1.00

02:22:16.000 And the whole movie theater. 0.87

02:22:18.000 It was Phil Morris who it's dark and it's slow and it's quiet. 0.97

02:22:21.000 And she said that line and like 150 people fucking doubled over laughing. 0.99

02:22:26.000 It was so perfect. 0.99

02:22:28.000 Aren't women great? 1.00

02:22:31.000 Yeah.

02:22:32.000 It's human nature.

02:22:33.000 Yeah.

02:22:34.000 There's always going to be wolves.

02:22:36.000 There's always going to be wolves and there's always going to be sheep.

02:22:39.000 Yeah.

02:22:40.000 And if you're in that situation and you don't recognize the signs...

02:22:45.000 Someone's getting over on you.

02:22:46.000 Yeah.

02:22:47.000 But you know what? 1.00

02:22:48.000 He married that hooker at the end of the movie. 1.00

02:22:50.000 Did he? 1.00

02:22:50.000 Well, he went away with her. 1.00

02:22:52.000 Yeah, they happily ever after.

02:22:53.000 Maybe it worked out.

02:22:55.000 Hooker with a heart. 1.00

02:22:56.000 We all love the hooker and the heart. 1.00

02:22:57.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:22:57.000 Hooker with a heart in the movie. 0.99

02:22:59.000 Yeah, that's a pretty woman, you know? 1.00

02:23:01.000 Did you ever believe her as a prostitute in that movie? 0.61

02:23:05.000 No. 0.67

02:23:06.000 It seems unlikely.

02:23:07.000 Yeah.

02:23:08.000 She seems a little too emotionally stable.

02:23:09.000 Yeah.

02:23:10.000 She seemed a little too confident.

02:23:13.000 She seems like not scarred up.

02:23:14.000 But that's what everybody wants, right?

02:23:16.000 Like you want like someone to genuinely be a good person in a bad circumstance who can change.

02:23:22.000 Yeah.

02:23:22.000 And it's love.

02:23:23.000 Love can see through everything.

02:23:24.000 Right.

02:23:25.000 And you can see that it's not her background that you're marrying.

02:23:30.000 But the gigolo with the heart of gold, that one's not real.

02:23:34.000 Right?

02:23:34.000 The male gigolo that seduces the wealthy woman.

02:23:38.000 That was his other movie.

02:23:39.000 That's right. 0.54

02:23:39.000 He was in two hooker movies. 0.54

02:23:41.000 Yeah, he was a gigolo. 0.98

02:23:41.000 He was dating one and he was one. 0.98

02:23:43.000 Yeah, he was one.

02:23:44.000 Remember?

02:23:45.000 Call Me.

02:23:46.000 Remember that Blondie song? 0.98

02:23:47.000 It was fucking perfect at the beginning of that movie as he's laying out his ties and his shirt. 0.99

02:23:52.000 That was fucking cool. 0.99

02:23:53.000 He was fucking cool. 0.99

02:23:55.000 Yeah, he was cool as fuck. 0.99

02:23:56.000 Him and Mickey Rourke were the two coolest actors of that day. 0.98

02:24:00.000 Oh yeah, Officer and a Gentleman? 1.00

02:24:02.000 Richard Gere was a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:24:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:24:04.000 But he seemed to get a little too Sat Nam in his later years. 1.00

02:24:07.000 Too what?

02:24:08.000 A little too Namaste.

02:24:09.000 Yeah.

02:24:10.000 A little too.

02:24:10.000 Like, remember when he went up on stage after 9-11?

02:24:14.000 It's like, we should choose love.

02:24:15.000 And they were like, boo! 1.00

02:24:17.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:24:18.000 We're not in a love right now. 1.00

02:24:19.000 We'll do love in like a couple years.

02:24:21.000 Right now we need to hate for a little love.

02:24:22.000 They didn't want to hear that.

02:24:23.000 They were booing him.

02:24:25.000 But, you know, he was trying to like talk peace and love to people.

02:24:28.000 Yeah.

02:24:29.000 We don't want to hear it.

02:24:30.000 Right.

02:24:31.000 What about Mickey Rourke in Pope of Greenwich Village?

02:24:34.000 Oh, my God.

02:24:35.000 That was a badass character.

02:24:36.000 And Eric Roberts. 1.00

02:24:36.000 They got my fucking thumb, Charlie! 1.00

02:24:40.000 Charlie! 1.00

02:24:41.000 They got my thumb, Charlie!

02:24:44.000 That's one of those movies that I haven't told my son to watch yet because, like, that's one of the...

02:24:48.000 You'll find this with your daughters as they get older is when they get to start to watch, like, the first time you sit and watch The Godfather with them in movies like that.

02:24:56.000 Well, you probably had it with like...

02:24:57.000 I've tried with The Shining.

02:24:59.000 They're like, boring!

02:25:00.000 Are you serious?

02:25:01.000 Yeah, they think it takes too long.

02:25:03.000 Boring!

02:25:04.000 Wow!

02:25:05.000 That's a tough audience.

02:25:07.000 Bro, they're on TikTok.

02:25:08.000 They need to be stimulated instantaneously.

02:25:11.000 Right.

02:25:12.000 It's hard for them to watch something.

02:25:14.000 What is this?

02:25:14.000 This is the Pope of Grunge Village.

02:25:16.000 Oh, yeah.

02:25:16.000 They got my thumb, Charlie.

02:25:18.000 They got my fucking thumb off, Charlie. 1.00

02:25:21.000 The guy's a fucking psycho, man. 1.00

02:25:23.000 He'll chop you up. 1.00

02:25:25.000 Oh, man, it hurts so much. 0.88

02:25:28.000 They gave me this stuff.

02:25:34.000 They gave me this stuff at the hospital.

02:25:37.000 But I took all of it.

02:25:38.000 I've been taking it all day.

02:25:40.000 You took all of this?

02:25:42.000 I took it all, man.

02:25:45.000 Charlie, what can I do for you?

02:25:47.000 I didn't do nothing, man.

02:25:48.000 What can I do for you?

02:25:49.000 It was my life, man. 0.98

02:25:51.000 I didn't want to give the poor bastard up, but it was my life, Charlie. 0.98

02:26:00.000 You Barney ain't family. 0.98

02:26:02.000 I don't know him that much.

02:26:03.000 They Barney and put it about me, Paulie.

02:26:05.000 Paulie, I'm family.

02:26:06.000 Did they press you for me?

02:26:09.000 Yeah.

02:26:10.000 Yeah, they press me.

02:26:12.000 They press me hard.

02:26:15.000 They got my thumb, Charlie!

02:26:22.000 That's a hug.

02:26:23.000 That's a hug.

02:26:25.000 With the hole in the face.

02:26:28.000 Yeah, that's a good hug.

02:26:29.000 They got my thumb, Charlie.

02:26:32.000 What a scene. 1.00

02:26:32.000 What a great fucking scene. 1.00

02:26:36.000 The last of the method actors. 1.00

02:26:39.000 Those guys went on to do some terrible movies.

02:26:41.000 Yes, they did.

02:26:43.000 Until he came back with the...

02:26:45.000 Was it The Wrestler?

02:26:46.000 The Wrestler?

02:26:46.000 The Wrestler.

02:26:47.000 Yeah.

02:26:48.000 But he'd done some terrible movies since, too.

02:26:49.000 Yeah, it took a long time until he got to The Wrestler.

02:26:51.000 Eric Roberts did some karate movies.

02:26:54.000 Mm-hmm.

02:26:55.000 He did some terrible karate movies.

02:26:57.000 There was one like Star 69 or something.

02:27:00.000 But didn't Eric Roberts do some movie where he's a karate champion?

02:27:03.000 I remember watching this going, oh my god.

02:27:07.000 There was some karate, kumite-type movie.

02:27:12.000 What is it?

02:27:13.000 Best of the Best Two.

02:27:17.000 So imagine going from the Pope of Greenwich Village to the Best of the Best Two.

02:27:24.000 Wayne Newton.

02:27:25.000 Is there a fight scene?

02:27:26.000 Wayne Newton.

02:27:28.000 Let me see some karate.

02:27:33.000 He's going after him.

02:27:38.000 Look at this.

02:27:43.000 The lat pull-downs.

02:27:57.000 Oh, he got beefed up for that.

02:28:03.000 Yeah, man.

02:28:04.000 It's in a karate movie.

02:28:06.000 Look at this.

02:28:07.000 Karate!

02:28:07.000 Hi-yah!

02:28:12.000 Flying sidekick kicks a guy over a railing.

02:28:20.000 The best of the best.

02:28:23.000 Who thought of that title?

02:28:26.000 What if we call it the best?

02:28:27.000 Wayne Newton's in there.

02:28:29.000 No, we gotta go bigger.

02:28:30.000 Alright, what about the best of the best?

02:28:34.000 Look at this.

02:28:39.000 1993. I thought he was a comedian.

02:28:42.000 You guys didn't recognize him.

02:28:44.000 What, there was a comedian in there?

02:28:45.000 One of the guys that they just showed, I thought he was a comedian.

02:28:49.000 Didn't he have a bad accident, Eric Roberts?

02:28:51.000 I think you're thinking of...

02:28:53.000 That guy.

02:28:54.000 Who's that?

02:28:55.000 Oh, that's Sean Penn's brother.

02:28:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:28:58.000 Chris Penn.

02:29:00.000 He's no longer with us, right?

02:29:01.000 No, he's not.

02:29:03.000 No, you're thinking of the guy from Lethal Weapon who had a bad motorcycle accident.

02:29:09.000 No, I think Eric Roberts had an accident, too.

02:29:11.000 Oh, really?

02:29:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:29:13.000 What the fuck's the guy from Lethal Weapon? 1.00

02:29:15.000 The older, crazy guy. 1.00

02:29:17.000 You know the guy. 0.98

02:29:18.000 He did get in a car accident.

02:29:20.000 Eric Roberts.

02:29:21.000 Did he?

02:29:21.000 A bad one?

02:29:22.000 I think he had a rough time after that accident.

02:29:27.000 But that's two years afterwards he did this movie.

02:29:30.000 That was 93. Something happened to his hand, it says.

02:29:35.000 Karate accident. 0.99

02:29:38.000 But no, what the fuck is his name, man? 1.00

02:29:40.000 The old dude. 1.00

02:29:43.000 Gary Busey.

02:29:44.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:29:45.000 Gary Busey.

02:29:46.000 He had a motorcycle accident.

02:29:47.000 No helmet.

02:29:48.000 Yeah.

02:29:48.000 Hit his head on a curb.

02:29:49.000 And he was a big anti-helmet guy, too.

02:29:50.000 He was like an advocate for not wearing helmets.

02:29:53.000 Brr.

02:29:55.000 Dude, Eric Roberts' daughter is a huge actress now.

02:29:58.000 Emma Roberts.

02:29:58.000 Oh, yeah?

02:29:58.000 That's his daughter.

02:30:00.000 Yeah, she's huge.

02:30:02.000 People can be huge, and I have no idea who they are today.

02:30:05.000 I'm so removed.

02:30:07.000 How did Eric Roberts, how Eric Roberts went big, crashed hard.

02:30:11.000 Well, he was high on cocaine.

02:30:13.000 Eric had a horrible, horrific car accident in 1981. Oh, 81. So it was 93 that he was in that movie.

02:30:19.000 I was in a coma.

02:30:20.000 My speech was very retarded. 0.91

02:30:22.000 I had to learn how to walk again.

02:30:23.000 I don't think you're allowed to say that, Eric. 0.90

02:30:25.000 In 2018, you could say retarded stuff. 0.98

02:30:29.000 But he was also on Celebrity Rehab. 1.00

02:30:33.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

02:30:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:30:35.000 Wow.

02:30:35.000 It was a weird one.

02:30:37.000 Because he was rehabbing off of weed, so he was basically just reading a newspaper, hanging out.

02:30:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:30:43.000 A lot of people are getting itches, and they're fucking screaming at each other, Fuck you! 1.00

02:30:47.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:30:48.000 And Eric Robbins is over there drinking coffee. 1.00

02:30:53.000 He barely seemed like there's anything wrong with him.

02:30:55.000 He shouldn't be in rehab. 1.00

02:30:57.000 He's just here for the fucking sack check. 1.00

02:31:00.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00

02:31:02.000 He's addicted to fame. 0.98

02:31:04.000 Remember Stan Hope had a bit about how unethical celebrity rehab is?

02:31:09.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:10.000 It's a great bit.

02:31:11.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:31:11.000 It's a fucking great bit because it's so true. 0.99

02:31:14.000 What a terrible thing to do to people who are coming off of drugs. 1.00

02:31:18.000 Take a fucking camera in their face. 1.00

02:31:19.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

02:31:21.000 It's like the worst idea ever for someone trying to recover.

02:31:24.000 I mean, there's a reason why it's Alcoholics Anonymous.

02:31:27.000 Part of the reason why it's anonymous is that you don't want to hold somebody up as a role model for sobriety because if they then lose their sobriety, it fucks up people that were looking to them.

02:31:43.000 You're supposed to look to yourself and your higher power.

02:31:45.000 Interesting.

02:31:46.000 Yeah.

02:31:46.000 And so the last thing you want to do is put celebrities out there to encourage people to get sober.

02:31:51.000 Especially watching them deteriorate on the show, too.

02:31:55.000 It's horrible.

02:31:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:56.000 And then, like, I don't care what the fuck your check is and what the attention that you're getting. 1.00

02:32:00.000 It's not worth it. 0.99

02:32:02.000 Like, you don't want everybody judging you based on the worst.

02:32:05.000 Time in your life.

02:32:07.000 Coming off a coke. 1.00

02:32:08.000 Trying to get your shit together. 1.00

02:32:11.000 Penniless. 1.00

02:32:11.000 You need to be on this show. 1.00

02:32:13.000 You're a famous person and you're not wealthy at all.

02:32:15.000 Because you need to be on the show.

02:32:17.000 So what's the show pay?

02:32:18.000 How much does it pay?

02:32:19.000 Can't be a lot.

02:32:20.000 It can't be like for the rest of your life money.

02:32:22.000 It might get you by for the year, but now you're stuck with the memory that everybody has about you like throwing up in a bathtub.

02:32:29.000 Coming down off of opiates.

02:32:30.000 Yeah, unless you can really nail it and know you're gonna get sober.

02:32:33.000 You know, America loves a redemption story.

02:32:36.000 Dennis Rodman didn't.

02:32:37.000 All he did was run on a treadmill.

02:32:39.000 He was fine.

02:32:40.000 Yeah.

02:32:41.000 Because with him, it's like alcohol.

02:32:42.000 Like parties.

02:32:43.000 Right.

02:32:44.000 So he's just like working out all the time while he's there.

02:32:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:32:46.000 But, you know, people are saying horrible, insulting shit to each other, and then they just put that on television. 0.99

02:32:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:53.000 Ugh.

02:32:54.000 Ugh.

02:32:55.000 I could never watch that.

02:32:57.000 There was another show that was called...

02:33:01.000 It was a show where they...

02:33:04.000 Oh, Intervention.

02:33:05.000 You ever see Intervention?

02:33:05.000 No.

02:33:06.000 Same kind of thing.

02:33:07.000 Man, that's intense.

02:33:07.000 It was regular people, but you would call them and you would stage an intervention with somebody and they would think that the TV crew was following them around about something else.

02:33:18.000 Oh, God.

02:33:19.000 Until the moment where they walked into the room and their friends and family and therapist was there and then there'd be an intervention.

02:33:24.000 What a dirty trap. 1.00

02:33:25.000 It was a dirty trap, but it was a good fucking show, man. 1.00

02:33:27.000 It was powerful. 1.00

02:33:28.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:33:30.000 People get obsessed with watching people go off the rails, like hoarders. 1.00

02:33:33.000 Yeah.

02:33:34.000 People love watching that. 0.99

02:33:35.000 They love watching people off the rails, going to their houses, boxes of newspapers stacked up to the ceiling, cat shit on the floor. 0.99

02:33:42.000 It's like, whoa! 0.99

02:33:44.000 Yeah, because they're trying to make people feel better about themselves, and they've got to go pretty low.

02:33:48.000 Yeah.

02:33:49.000 Gotta shoot low to go below America. 0.76

02:33:51.000 But it is weird how we become obsessed with people whose lives are falling apart.

02:33:56.000 Like, we'll focus on, like, my 600-pound life or something like that.

02:34:00.000 Like, people, they want to go, well, I feel better.

02:34:03.000 I'm not that guy.

02:34:04.000 Yeah.

02:34:05.000 You know?

02:34:06.000 And you also realize, like...

02:34:08.000 If you think about as crazy as you've ever been in your life, like what's the worst you've ever been and how much further could it have gone if you didn't self-correct?

02:34:15.000 If you didn't course-correct in your life, would you ever have gotten to the point where you were one of those people that can't get off the couch because you're 600 pounds? 0.98

02:34:22.000 Would you be one of those people that gambles away every fucking penny you have no matter what?

02:34:26.000 And that you're in debt and you're terrified and you're like Adam Sandler in Rough Cut Gems or Uncut Gems? 0.99

02:34:31.000 Did you see that movie?

02:34:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:33.000 Great fucking movie. 1.00

02:34:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:34.000 And that movie gave me wild anxiety. 1.00

02:34:37.000 Because I was like, I know people like this.

02:34:39.000 I could see this being a real guy. 0.98

02:34:41.000 Like, he can't fucking stop. 0.99

02:34:43.000 He can't stop. 0.99

02:34:44.000 He can't stop gambling.

02:34:45.000 Yeah.

02:34:46.000 He's just addicted.

02:34:47.000 It's like, like, you imagine that was you.

02:34:50.000 Like, when I see a guy like Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems, I imagine I could be that guy.

02:34:55.000 Really?

02:34:55.000 Yeah!

02:34:56.000 With what?

02:34:57.000 If I was him?

02:34:57.000 If I was him, living his life?

02:34:58.000 With gambling?

02:34:59.000 With gambling!

02:35:00.000 You're that guy, living that...

02:35:02.000 You could see the...

02:35:03.000 That was so well done and well written.

02:35:05.000 You could see the thrill in, like, the winning. 1.00

02:35:07.000 Like, occasionally he would win, and then he would lose, and when he'd lose, he'd fucking devastated, but when he'd win, he'd be like, Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:35:14.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:35:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:17.000 Norm had that.

02:35:18.000 Norm was a gambler.

02:35:19.000 He lost everything, like, three times.

02:35:23.000 And I'm not speaking out of school.

02:35:25.000 It was documented.

02:35:26.000 He would gamble on, like my friend wrote on one of his shows, and he would gamble if there was no pro football or basketball or whatever, he would be betting on girls' high school basketball.

02:35:38.000 Jesus.

02:35:39.000 Yeah, whatever.

02:35:40.000 So how does he do that?

02:35:41.000 Does he have a bookie?

02:35:42.000 Yeah.

02:35:43.000 So he calls this guy up and goes, what do you got for me?

02:35:45.000 Yeah.

02:35:45.000 And they're like, girls' high school basketball.

02:35:47.000 I was like, let's go.

02:35:48.000 Yeah.

02:35:50.000 Jesus.

02:35:53.000 Yeah, the thrill of gambling is apparently one of the most difficult to kick.

02:35:58.000 People with gambler problems, Gamblers Anonymous, and I think it's a lot, like we were talking about with the football players, is the high, obviously it's not comparable, but their high, that's their highest of highs, is winning at gambling.

02:36:12.000 And then the thrill of chasing money and the wondering whether or not you're going to succeed and then losing it and then dodging the bookies and trying to go to another casino and gather up a stake.

02:36:22.000 Well, that's what they say is a huge part of it is it's actually the losing as much as the winning.

02:36:26.000 Yeah.

02:36:26.000 It's the fear of what's going to happen when I lose and then feeling that panic and that low.

02:36:32.000 Jesus Christ.

02:36:33.000 Yeah.

02:36:34.000 It's about the low in a way.

02:36:35.000 I knew so many guys that were gambling junkies from my pool hall days.

02:36:40.000 So many guys, like every day, they'd go to off-track betting, they would come to the pool hall, and they would gamble, they'd play cards.

02:36:47.000 And if they had a job, it was just to scratch up enough money to gamble with.

02:36:51.000 All they cared about was gambling.

02:36:53.000 They were just absorbed with it.

02:36:56.000 And it was really interesting.

02:36:56.000 What kind of gambling?

02:36:58.000 They would play poker, they would play gin, they would shoot pool.

02:37:03.000 But the problem with pool is you have to execute.

02:37:06.000 And a lot of guys didn't like that.

02:37:08.000 But you had to be able to make a shot.

02:37:10.000 And so it's nerves and controlling yourself.

02:37:12.000 A lot of these guys, their nerves are shattered.

02:37:13.000 So they were just gambling on stuff.

02:37:16.000 A lot of them were horse bettors.

02:37:19.000 I knew a guy who got barred for life from carriage racing because they caught him standing up while the horse was winning.

02:37:28.000 He was trying to slow the horses down so much he stood up.

02:37:31.000 It was like pulling back on the reins.

02:37:35.000 And they banned him for life.

02:37:36.000 And he was always talking about...

02:37:38.000 We used to call him George the Greek.

02:37:40.000 His name was George.

02:37:42.000 He's a Greek guy.

02:37:43.000 The nicknames for people were very obvious.

02:37:46.000 It was Ray the Fireman, Mount Vernon Tommy.

02:37:48.000 It's like, where are you from?

02:37:49.000 What's your name?

02:37:50.000 And George the Greek was always talking about William Kunstler.

02:37:53.000 He's my attorney. 1.00

02:37:55.000 He's going to take care of my fucking millions off these cocksuckers. 1.00

02:37:59.000 And he was a dirty racer. 1.00

02:38:03.000 He was corrupt. 1.00

02:38:05.000 Damn. 1.00

02:38:07.000 Good guy to know. 1.00

02:38:10.000 He was always running some kind of a scam.

02:38:12.000 There was always something going on with one of those guys.

02:38:14.000 He was like, listen, you should invest in this.

02:38:16.000 It's going to make a lot of money.

02:38:18.000 I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:38:19.000 Get the fuck away from me. 0.98

02:38:21.000 There was this guy who was a father of... 1.00

02:38:24.000 My daughter was on a soccer team, and one of the girl's fathers used to come to the games, and he had a brand new red Corvette, and he always had on shiny clothes, and he was a professional gambler.

02:38:33.000 And he would tell me about, like, I'm going to Vegas, he plays poker, and he makes money. 0.89

02:38:38.000 And every week, I fucking love talking to this guy.

02:38:41.000 He was just so full of life. 0.84

02:38:43.000 And then one day he shows up, and he's in like a... 0.94

02:38:46.000 78 Dotson B210 with fucking the wrong quarter panel on it. 0.97

02:38:50.000 I'm like, bad weekend in Vegas? 0.96

02:38:52.000 He's like, I don't want to talk about it.

02:38:55.000 Yeah.

02:38:57.000 He changed pink slips with somebody.

02:38:59.000 Yeah.

02:39:01.000 Yeah.

02:39:01.000 He can go off the rails.

02:39:03.000 Those gamblers, if you're betting high enough and chasing that dragon of excitement, you're probably going to risk it all.

02:39:12.000 Yeah.

02:39:13.000 Imagine the thrill of putting your wife's asleep at home. 1.00

02:39:16.000 She doesn't even know you're putting your fucking house on a game of roulette. 1.00

02:39:23.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:39:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:39:27.000 Coming to America was such a fucking great premise. 1.00

02:39:30.000 You ever see that movie, that Albert Brooks movie? 0.99

02:39:32.000 They leave L.A. It's Albert Brooks and his wife is the woman from Airplane.

02:39:38.000 Remember the woman who's the star of Airplane?

02:39:40.000 Yeah.

02:39:40.000 And so they're successful yuppies, and they're making tons of money, and they have a nice house, and they decide to sell everything.

02:39:46.000 They're going to simplify.

02:39:47.000 We're going to buy a mobile home, and we're going to spend the rest of our lives just traveling, living life.

02:39:52.000 So they put all their money into a bank account.

02:39:56.000 They get into Winnebago.

02:39:58.000 First stop out of LA to get to the Grand Canyon is going to be Las Vegas.

02:40:13.000 Wow.

02:40:25.000 Oh, I remember that.

02:40:26.000 The nest egg.

02:40:27.000 You're not allowed to say nest egg.

02:40:28.000 You're not allowed to say egg.

02:40:29.000 You can't say nest.

02:40:30.000 And then he goes to Gary Marshall, who plays the manager of the casino, and he's trying to pitch to him, what if I do a commercial for you guys and I say, hey, look, you gave the money back to a customer. 0.94

02:40:41.000 And it's fucking hilarious.

02:40:42.000 So that's the first act of the movie, and the rest of the movie is just them broke. 0.96

02:40:47.000 Oh, this is a great scene.

02:40:49.000 Play this.

02:40:50.000 Oh, it's just the trailer.

02:40:51.000 It's just the trailer of it.

02:40:53.000 Yeah.

02:40:53.000 It just happened to be the right same time.

02:40:56.000 It's her losing the money right here. 0.99

02:40:58.000 Albert Brooks was great.

02:40:59.000 Yeah.

02:41:00.000 This would be their rule.

02:41:03.000 He played a great, like, hapless guy who finds himself in terrible circumstances.

02:41:09.000 Nothing?

02:41:10.000 Well, give her $10,000.

02:41:15.000 As the boldest experiment in advertising history, you give us our money back.

02:41:20.000 We're finished talking.

02:41:26.000 One of the greatest comedies of all time.

02:41:28.000 The boldest experiment in advertising history.

02:41:36.000 No, he was great, man.

02:41:37.000 Yeah.

02:41:38.000 You know how he got started?

02:41:41.000 He grew up in Beverly Hills.

02:41:43.000 His brother was Super Dave Osborne.

02:41:46.000 Did you know that?

02:41:47.000 No.

02:41:48.000 I think I did know.

02:41:49.000 The guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

02:41:52.000 That's his brother.

02:41:54.000 And his actual name in real life is Albert Einstein, Albert Brooks.

02:41:58.000 Wow.

02:41:59.000 And so he grew up and his best friend growing up in Beverly Hills was Rob Reiner.

02:42:04.000 And so Carl Reiner is on The Tonight Show one night with Johnny Carson and Carson goes, who do you think is, I mean, you work with Mel Brooks, you've been with the greats, like, who's the funniest person that you know?

02:42:17.000 And he said, my 15 year old son's friend, Albert Einstein.

02:42:22.000 Wow.

02:42:23.000 And so Johnny goes, I want him on the show.

02:42:26.000 So they book him on the show and he comes on and he does this bit.

02:42:31.000 I don't know if this was the first bit that he did.

02:42:33.000 It might have been the first bit that he did.

02:42:34.000 He had one of those Simon Says things where you like push A and it goes A, B, and he does like a comedy routine with the Simon Says.

02:42:44.000 And he's 15. Maybe 16. He fucking destroys.

02:42:49.000 And Carson starts bringing him back. 0.99

02:42:52.000 And he did Carson like 20 times before he was like 21 years old.

02:42:57.000 Wow.

02:42:57.000 And he would always come on with these conceptual bits.

02:43:00.000 And that's how his career started.

02:43:03.000 I don't think people can even appreciate the impact of being on Carson today.

02:43:09.000 Right.

02:43:09.000 I don't think people understand.

02:43:11.000 There was three channels.

02:43:12.000 There was 20 million people watching Carson every night.

02:43:14.000 And when he likes someone, they would be successful.

02:43:18.000 Yeah.

02:43:19.000 Like a comic, like guys like Richard Jenny, who would do the Carson show.

02:43:24.000 Like, that's what made him.

02:43:25.000 Right.

02:43:26.000 People seeing him do five minutes on Carson.

02:43:28.000 Well, it's not dissimilar from doing the Joe Rogan experience.

02:43:32.000 It's different, for sure, you know?

02:43:35.000 There's a lot more options now.

02:43:38.000 Yeah, right.

02:43:38.000 It's like five million podcasts.

02:43:40.000 Right, right.

02:43:42.000 That Tonight Show thing, like... 1.00

02:43:44.000 If he didn't like you, you were fucked. 1.00

02:43:46.000 Yeah, it was over. 1.00

02:43:47.000 It all came down to that.

02:43:49.000 And if he liked you, I mean, yeah, comedians talked about it.

02:43:52.000 They said that all you had to do was tell a club booker that you did the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and all of a sudden your money went from $1,500 a week to $15,000.

02:44:04.000 Didn't Howard Stern have a famous feud with him?

02:44:06.000 With Carson?

02:44:07.000 Yeah.

02:44:07.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

02:44:08.000 They hated each other.

02:44:09.000 Oh.

02:44:11.000 That was one of those weird times where if one of those guys crossed you, if you were in a bad situation with one of those guys, it's not that many people.

02:44:19.000 Joan Rivers was the guest host for him forever.

02:44:22.000 And then Fox gave her her own talk show and he was outraged that she would compete against him.

02:44:29.000 And he never had her back on the show.

02:44:31.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:44:33.000 And she was a staple of the show. 0.98

02:44:36.000 She was, like, his go-to person.

02:44:38.000 She used to host when he was off.

02:44:40.000 Shouldn't he be, like, happy?

02:44:41.000 She's getting her own show? 1.00

02:44:42.000 You would think.

02:44:43.000 But I think, like, the competition then was a real thing.

02:44:45.000 Because we don't think of competition the same way.

02:44:47.000 Because with the internet, like, all that stuff's been eroded.

02:44:50.000 Right.

02:44:50.000 There's so many choices.

02:44:51.000 Yeah.

02:44:51.000 Do whatever you want at any time.

02:44:53.000 So if someone's watching you at 11 o'clock...

02:44:56.000 They could watch that another time.

02:44:58.000 It doesn't matter.

02:45:00.000 But back then it mattered. 0.99

02:45:01.000 You had to be in front of your fucking television at 11pm and that's when The Tonight Show came on. 0.99

02:45:06.000 Period. 1.00

02:45:07.000 End of discussion.

02:45:08.000 It only came on at one time and you had to sit there and watch it then.

02:45:11.000 And there was no VCRs and you gotta remember that this guy was on The Tonight Show.

02:45:18.000 And then if you're on The Tonight Show three times, four times, like, oh, it's Don Rickles again.

02:45:22.000 I love Don Rickles.

02:45:24.000 And you'd see him again.

02:45:25.000 Like, oh, it's Don Rickles.

02:45:26.000 And then they became a person that was in the public sphere.

02:45:30.000 Yeah.

02:45:31.000 There's nothing like that now.

02:45:34.000 I mean, we don't understand the access we have to just different content.

02:45:40.000 And there's so many more options for people to do things now.

02:45:44.000 Right.

02:45:46.000 Yeah, now it's like everybody's got a publicist because they have to work so many different avenues.

02:45:52.000 Yeah.

02:45:53.000 You know, you got to scramble to get on, you know, cable and podcasts and blogs.

02:46:00.000 Yeah.

02:46:01.000 Yeah.

02:46:01.000 It's crazy.

02:46:02.000 But it's also like some things rise up and some things get noticed.

02:46:06.000 And you're like, why is that thing getting noticed?

02:46:08.000 And some of it's artificial and that doesn't work.

02:46:11.000 You know, they'll pop up some celebrity and give them a podcast and make a big deal out of it. 0.91

02:46:14.000 But after a while, people are like, this sucks. 0.97

02:46:16.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:46:16.000 And they stop listening. 0.96

02:46:17.000 There's too many options.

02:46:18.000 When you're alone by yourself...

02:46:21.000 All that finagling and promoting things, it doesn't work.

02:46:26.000 It doesn't work.

02:46:27.000 People like what they like.

02:46:28.000 Right.

02:46:30.000 When you're alone, you get to choose.

02:46:32.000 What do I want to watch?

02:46:33.000 I want to watch this.

02:46:33.000 That's the real determination of whether or not something's good.

02:46:38.000 And we don't keep watching.

02:46:39.000 The fact that we both stopped watching The Old Man, people didn't used to stop watching.

02:46:44.000 You kept watching your series.

02:46:46.000 Yeah, I bail on stuff.

02:46:47.000 I bail all the time.

02:46:49.000 Did you see what they did in the House of Dragons?

02:46:50.000 Oh, I bailed on that last week.

02:46:53.000 House of the Dragon put all new actors in.

02:46:56.000 That's when I bailed.

02:46:57.000 I was like, what are you doing?

02:46:59.000 And the only compelling actor on the show was the daughter.

02:47:05.000 What are you doing?

02:47:06.000 Yeah.

02:47:06.000 What are you doing?

02:47:07.000 So stupid. 1.00

02:47:08.000 You could have just made her look older. 1.00

02:47:09.000 Yep. 1.00

02:47:10.000 You fucking idiots. 1.00

02:47:11.000 First of all, she looked like a 25-year-old actress playing a 15-year-old actress. 1.00

02:47:15.000 It would not have been a stretch.

02:47:16.000 And she's supposed to look 35, right?

02:47:19.000 In the next one, it's like 10 years later or whatever it is.

02:47:21.000 That's not hard to do.

02:47:22.000 No.

02:47:23.000 You could do that.

02:47:24.000 Yep.

02:47:24.000 Why did you do that?

02:47:26.000 It's crazy.

02:47:26.000 And they kept some actors?

02:47:28.000 So they kept some?

02:47:30.000 And they look exactly the same?

02:47:31.000 Yeah.

02:47:33.000 And then they just replaced people?

02:47:35.000 And they said, oh, but we cast the first people first.

02:47:38.000 And then they always knew the people that got replaced always knew they were going to be replaced.

02:47:44.000 That's still a terrible idea.

02:47:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:47:46.000 That idea sucks. 0.99

02:47:47.000 And there's not enough dragon. 0.99

02:47:48.000 I want to see dragons.

02:47:50.000 I want to see them fighting. 0.99

02:47:51.000 I want to see them torching shit up. 0.99

02:47:54.000 They occasionally use the dragons. 0.99

02:47:55.000 Yeah.

02:47:56.000 It's very occasional.

02:47:57.000 Threatened with the dragon a little bit, but nothing happens.

02:47:59.000 But it's also...

02:48:00.000 They had me until they changed actors. 1.00

02:48:05.000 And, you know, my wife was like, fuck this. 1.00

02:48:07.000 Like, what the fuck did they just do to me? 1.00

02:48:09.000 Like, what did they just do? 1.00

02:48:11.000 Why did they replace the queen? 1.00

02:48:13.000 But they kept the king?

02:48:15.000 They just made the king look older?

02:48:17.000 But you got a whole new queen? 1.00

02:48:18.000 It took me, like, five minutes to realize what was going on.

02:48:22.000 I was like, who is she?

02:48:24.000 Oh, she's her? 0.98

02:48:25.000 No.

02:48:26.000 What?

02:48:26.000 No.

02:48:27.000 No, no, no.

02:48:29.000 Why?

02:48:30.000 Yeah, and the king, I mean, look, who am I to knock anybody's acting?

02:48:33.000 But, like, I don't find the king to be very, uh, good.

02:48:39.000 Yeah.

02:48:40.000 He's like, I'm sure he's a good actor, but maybe he's not right for the part, but I'm not excited about the king.

02:48:45.000 Yeah.

02:48:48.000 It's not compelling.

02:48:50.000 No.

02:48:51.000 But the changing of the actors was a giant clusterfuck of a mistake.

02:48:55.000 Yeah.

02:48:55.000 Like whoever greenlit that, like where was the adult in the room?

02:49:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:00.000 Is there another fucking way here? 0.99

02:49:02.000 You've got people committed to these people for hours and hours. 0.99

02:49:06.000 They're committed to these particular characters.

02:49:08.000 Now you're asking this, like, you have to just accept that you have new actors.

02:49:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:14.000 So now I know it's all bullshit. 0.99

02:49:15.000 I mean, when they did it with The Crown, at least they did it from season to season. 0.99

02:49:20.000 And I think there was three different queens. 1.00

02:49:23.000 I never watched that.

02:49:24.000 It was good. 1.00

02:49:25.000 And I fucking hate The Royal Family. 0.99

02:49:26.000 I mean, first of all, I can't believe... 1.00

02:49:28.000 I just can't believe The Queen is dead.

02:49:30.000 I feel like it was just yesterday that I couldn't believe she was alive.

02:49:36.000 Yesterday...

02:49:36.000 All my queens were...

02:49:38.000 But I'm not a fan of The Royal Family, but that show is really fucking good. 0.97

02:49:44.000 Olivia Colman is unbelievable. 0.97

02:49:46.000 I haven't watched it.

02:49:47.000 But, you know, if you're going to do it every season, I guess, as long as I know you're going to do it every season, okay.

02:49:52.000 Right.

02:49:53.000 Okay.

02:49:54.000 Suspension of disbelief.

02:49:55.000 But not mid-season.

02:49:58.000 Episode 5?

02:49:59.000 Yeah.

02:50:00.000 What is it, 6?

02:50:01.000 Whatever it is?

02:50:01.000 Yeah.

02:50:02.000 Fuck outta here. 1.00

02:50:03.000 Why'd you do that? 1.00

02:50:05.000 Like, you could've made those people look old.

02:50:07.000 It's not hard to do.

02:50:09.000 Uh-huh.

02:50:09.000 It's not impossible.

02:50:10.000 You have people who look like fucking dragons, right? 0.99

02:50:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:50:12.000 You have White Walkers. 1.00

02:50:14.000 You have all this makeup.

02:50:15.000 Put some old people makeup on that young girl. 0.98

02:50:18.000 Sure.

02:50:18.000 Change her voice a little bit.

02:50:20.000 Yep. 1.00

02:50:20.000 Fuck are you doing? 1.00

02:50:21.000 But the night is still the same? 1.00

02:50:24.000 Mm-hmm.

02:50:24.000 You have the same night?

02:50:25.000 He looks exactly the same age?

02:50:26.000 Like, what are you doing?

02:50:27.000 And then they've also got, because of the time, the men are all dressed the same, and they all have black, kind of wavy, long hair.

02:50:36.000 Yeah.

02:50:37.000 And so you can't tell, is that that guy?

02:50:40.000 Right.

02:50:40.000 Or is that the other guy?

02:50:41.000 And now all of a sudden you're replacing him?

02:50:43.000 So now I've got to make that adjustment?

02:50:44.000 Right. 1.00

02:50:45.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:50:46.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:50:47.000 Here's another point. 1.00

02:50:48.000 There's another real problem.

02:50:50.000 This is a prequel to Game of Thrones.

02:50:53.000 There's black people in the prequel.

02:50:57.000 They're all gone later.

02:50:58.000 They're all gone later.

02:50:59.000 Yeah.

02:50:59.000 So what happened?

02:51:01.000 Yeah.

02:51:01.000 There's zero black people in Game of Thrones?

02:51:04.000 How many black people are in Game of Thrones?

02:51:06.000 I can't remember any.

02:51:09.000 But there's quite a few in House of the Dragon.

02:51:12.000 There's a lot.

02:51:13.000 So what's going on?

02:51:15.000 Yeah.

02:51:16.000 You went through how many seasons with no black people in Game of Thrones?

02:51:20.000 And in the prequel, they're in every episode?

02:51:22.000 Yeah.

02:51:23.000 Where'd they go?

02:51:23.000 And it's the same island.

02:51:24.000 It's the same island.

02:51:25.000 Where'd they go?

02:51:28.000 And why do they all have white hair?

02:51:30.000 I don't understand!

02:51:31.000 Are you gonna address this?

02:51:32.000 Can we just have black people giving them white hair? 1.00

02:51:35.000 Why did you do that?

02:51:37.000 Well, there was some black people in Game of Thrones, weren't there?

02:51:41.000 There were certainly those eunuchs, the slaves, right? 0.98

02:51:46.000 There was those guys.

02:51:47.000 Remember those guys that fought for her?

02:51:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:51:50.000 But they were eunuchs.

02:51:52.000 And then there was certainly places that people went that had people of color.

02:51:58.000 But they didn't have royal family.

02:52:00.000 Like in this movie, it's royal family.

02:52:02.000 Yeah.

02:52:03.000 It's like the Targaryens or the Lannisters or whatever. 1.00

02:52:07.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:52:09.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:52:10.000 Changing actors mid-show is so bonkers. 0.94

02:52:13.000 Yeah.

02:52:14.000 It's just such a bonkers idea.

02:52:16.000 And they just said, okay, this is how we're going to handle it.

02:52:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:52:21.000 You just fuck people's heads up. 1.00

02:52:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:52:23.000 You're trying to hook people into a show, and just as you build the character and get them excited about them. 1.00

02:52:30.000 And she was good.

02:52:31.000 I liked the young queen.

02:52:34.000 Right.

02:52:34.000 It was great.

02:52:35.000 And also, her uncle, the guy who molested her, spoiler alert, he's still around.

02:52:43.000 Yeah, he's still around.

02:52:44.000 And he's the same.

02:52:45.000 Doesn't look any older.

02:52:47.000 But she's like this totally different lady now. 0.74

02:52:49.000 He's in The Crown.

02:52:50.000 He plays Prince Philip in The Crown.

02:52:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:52:55.000 I haven't watched the Lord of the Rings thing on Amazon, but I heard it's a fucking disaster. 0.98

02:53:00.000 Oh, is it? 0.97

02:53:01.000 It's the most expensive TV show ever made. 0.99

02:53:04.000 Fucking disaster. 0.99

02:53:06.000 Do you know how much they spent on it? 1.00

02:53:07.000 How much?

02:53:08.000 $800 million.

02:53:11.000 Right, Jamie?

02:53:12.000 Can you look that up?

02:53:13.000 I think it was $800 million for like seven episodes.

02:53:16.000 What?

02:53:17.000 $700 million for eight episodes.

02:53:19.000 Something crazy.

02:53:20.000 And I heard that the people that did it have never run a show before. 1.00

02:53:23.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

02:53:24.000 First time showrunners? 1.00

02:53:25.000 This is $465 million.

02:53:28.000 $465 million.

02:53:29.000 This was last year, though.

02:53:30.000 Hold on.

02:53:30.000 Oh.

02:53:31.000 That's a lot. 1.00

02:53:33.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:53:34.000 That's a lot. 1.00

02:53:35.000 Yeah.

02:53:35.000 I see now $715 to date, so they might have spent more of it since the last year.

02:53:41.000 $715 to date. 0.99

02:53:43.000 Damn. 0.99

02:53:44.000 How's that doing? 0.99

02:53:46.000 What are the reviews?

02:53:47.000 What's like Rotten Tomatoes on the new Lord? 0.98

02:53:50.000 I know Elon Musk talks shit about it. 0.95

02:53:53.000 A lot of people are very upset. 0.99

02:53:55.000 84% Rotten Tomatoes. 1.00

02:53:57.000 Dorks, liars, Russian troll farms. 0.99

02:54:00.000 6.9 IMDB, that's actually pretty good. 1.00

02:54:05.000 We're good to go.

02:54:29.000 It just so speaks to human nature, this poor creature just captivated by this object.

02:54:35.000 Yeah.

02:54:37.000 Precious.

02:54:39.000 I remember being 14 and being like, wow.

02:54:42.000 Transported to another play.

02:54:43.000 Like, that was when reading was intense.

02:54:46.000 Do you remember that?

02:54:47.000 Laying in your bed at night, reading Lord of the Rings, or Lying the Witch in the Wardrobe, or one of those books, and you just get sucked in.

02:54:54.000 For me, it was Stephen King books.

02:54:55.000 Oh, yeah.

02:54:56.000 Oh, that was like my favorite when I was a kid.

02:55:00.000 Whenever I'd get a hold of a Stephen King book.

02:55:02.000 Those were thick, too.

02:55:03.000 Those were long-ass books. 1.00

02:55:04.000 That motherfucker could write his ass off. 1.00

02:55:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:55:07.000 He was so prolific, too.

02:55:10.000 This is a breakdown of the budget here.

02:55:13.000 Average of $89 million per episode.

02:55:16.000 In comparison, the whole first season, or a season of Game of Thrones cost about $100 million.

02:55:23.000 $15 million per show in the last two seasons.

02:55:27.000 Yeah, you might want to check someone's bank account.

02:55:29.000 But you paid $250 million just to get it.

02:55:32.000 Wow, just to secure the digital rights.

02:55:34.000 Wow.

02:55:35.000 Wow.

02:55:37.000 Well, maybe it's good.

02:55:39.000 I've been hearing it's a disaster.

02:55:42.000 Is that HBO? Oh, no.

02:55:44.000 Amazon.

02:55:47.000 I'll give it a shot.

02:55:48.000 Yeah.

02:55:48.000 Oh, you've got to give it a shot.

02:55:50.000 Shit, if they're going to spend that much money, I'll watch it. 0.99

02:55:52.000 I'll give you one. 1.00

02:55:54.000 Yeah.

02:55:54.000 Like that Gray Man movie.

02:55:56.000 I think that movie was a couple hundred million dollars.

02:55:58.000 How much was the Gray Man for Netflix?

02:56:01.000 I think it was the most money they ever spent on a film.

02:56:05.000 A hundred million dollars?

02:56:06.000 I think it's more.

02:56:07.000 Wait, and then the thing is with...

02:56:08.000 $200 million?

02:56:09.000 Yes.

02:56:10.000 Yeah.

02:56:11.000 Whoa.

02:56:11.000 For a Netflix movie.

02:56:12.000 $200 million?

02:56:14.000 For a Netflix movie. 0.98

02:56:16.000 And that doesn't include, like, marketing and all that shit. 0.96

02:56:20.000 Yeah, they did a one-release in the theater. 1.00

02:56:23.000 Shit. 1.00

02:56:24.000 That's a lot of mood. 1.00

02:56:25.000 They put it out for a week just so if they could win an Oscar.

02:56:28.000 That's why they put it out.

02:56:29.000 Is that why they do it?

02:56:30.000 Yeah.

02:56:30.000 It only has to play for one week.

02:56:33.000 The movie is fun, but the book is way more brutal.

02:56:38.000 Way more brutal.

02:56:39.000 Yeah.

02:56:40.000 It's hard to do something like that and turn it into a movie where you actually like the hero.

02:56:46.000 He's murdering people.

02:56:47.000 Right. 1.00

02:56:49.000 He's the best at killing people. 0.74

02:56:51.000 They pulled it off with John Wick, but that's generally hard to pull off. 0.84

02:56:57.000 Yeah.

02:56:59.000 John Wick is a hitman that everybody loves.

02:57:02.000 Iceman Cometh.

02:57:03.000 See that?

02:57:04.000 No.

02:57:05.000 Is that the docu-series?

02:57:08.000 Is that on the Iceman?

02:57:10.000 The Kulinski? 0.98

02:57:11.000 The Iceman, yeah.

02:57:12.000 Yeah.

02:57:12.000 That guy was terrifying.

02:57:13.000 Yeah.

02:57:14.000 But it is weird how you're kind of pulling for him.

02:57:16.000 Because he's got a wife and he's really sweet to his daughter. 1.00

02:57:20.000 And then he goes off in his car at night and he just fucking kills people. 1.00

02:57:23.000 Yeah, he killed people for the mob. 1.00

02:57:25.000 He killed people for fun.

02:57:26.000 Well, the thing is with him is he killed for different mob families.

02:57:30.000 He was a hired gun for the Gambinos and the—what was the other one? 1.00

02:57:35.000 I can't name all the crime families in New York, but he worked for different crime families against each other.

02:57:42.000 He was a freelance guy.

02:57:44.000 Joey Diaz gave me a book once on, it's called Murder Machine, about Roy DeMeo.

02:57:50.000 Roy DeMeo was, he was a hitman who became a serial killer.

02:57:55.000 He was basically a sociopath. 0.98

02:57:57.000 And they, just a total psychopath. 0.91

02:58:00.000 And they had, like, a room upstairs above this social club, and they would take guys to the room upstairs and just chop them up in the bathtub, and they would kill people, like, constantly. 0.94

02:58:11.000 It was killing, like, a hundred people.

02:58:13.000 A hundred people he killed?

02:58:14.000 Oh, yeah.

02:58:14.000 Who knows how many he killed?

02:58:16.000 Jesus. 0.99

02:58:16.000 Killed so many people. 0.99

02:58:17.000 Whoa.

02:58:18.000 And the book is terrifying.

02:58:20.000 The book's called Murder Machine.

02:58:22.000 But it's all about that guy.

02:58:23.000 So if you find Roy DeMeo, the story of Roy DeMeo.

02:58:26.000 Well, imagine if you're an organized crime family and you find a guy who's a serial killer.

02:58:32.000 He enjoys doing it.

02:58:33.000 Yeah, first-rate story of a mafia murder crew so deadly that even John Gotti turned aside a contract on its leader.

02:58:39.000 New York Daily News reports Mustaine and Capecci, co-authors Mobstar 1989, tell a fascinating and repellently detailed story of Roy DeMeo and the gang he raised from teenagers in Carnese, a Brooklyn neighborhood where death by natural causes is six bullets in the head,

02:59:00.000 according to one cop.

02:59:14.000 Oh, that's a good joke. 1.00

02:59:22.000 Damn! 1.00

02:59:43.000 Damn! 1.00

02:59:44.000 One murder led so easily to another that soon the Gemini method was used on anybody who got in the gang's way or annoyed them. 0.99

02:59:53.000 DeMeo presented three of his co-crazed crew with a set of custom carving knives, which they kept in their car trunks in case a quick assignment arose.

03:00:03.000 The special NYPD-FBI task force cracked the DeMeo gang.

03:00:07.000 It tagged the criminals for 75 murders.

03:00:10.000 DeMeo, who was rubbed out by fellow mobsters as the cops closed in, bragged of 100 personally, making him far more destructive than any known U.S. serial killer.

03:00:21.000 Wow.

03:00:22.000 Scary-ass book. 1.00

03:00:23.000 Damn! 1.00

03:00:24.000 You read that? 1.00

03:00:25.000 Yeah.

03:00:25.000 That would freak me out.

03:00:26.000 You gotta read this, cocksucker. 1.00

03:00:29.000 Find out about the dark side. 1.00

03:00:32.000 Yeah, man.

03:00:32.000 Well, I remember when you lived in Little Italy, when I went to visit you.

03:00:36.000 You had an apartment in Little Italy right down the street from the social club.

03:00:41.000 Next door.

03:00:42.000 While everything was going on.

03:00:43.000 Yeah, I was on Mulberry Street between Prince and Spring, and the Ravenite Social Club, which was Gotti's headquarters, was downstairs in one apartment over from me.

03:00:52.000 And they used to go Wednesday night was the night when they all met.

03:00:56.000 And so all these limos would start pulling up along the street.

03:01:00.000 They would double park all the way down Mulberry Street and they would go inside.

03:01:04.000 And the way – originally they got a wiretap inside the club at some point.

03:01:10.000 I don't know how they got it in but that's how they took down Gotti.

03:01:13.000 But then – so then Gotti found out about the wiretaps.

03:01:30.000 Wow.

03:01:33.000 Yeah.

03:01:35.000 And that was your neighborhood?

03:01:36.000 That was downstairs. 1.00

03:01:37.000 What is it like sleeping, knowing that shit was right next door? 0.98

03:01:40.000 Dude, the people that we rented our apartment from, their name were Tony and Gladys. 0.98

03:01:45.000 I'm not going to say their last name.

03:01:47.000 And they were in their 70s, and their son Gregory...

03:01:51.000 Who is in construction.

03:01:53.000 I just bought them a condo around the corner.

03:01:56.000 And so they had this beautiful condo around the corner.

03:01:58.000 And this was a six-floor walk-up apartment that I sublet from them.

03:02:03.000 And it was me and George McDonald.

03:02:06.000 And we paid...

03:02:08.000 I think we paid $1,000 a month for, it was a one bedroom, and they had illegally knocked a door down into a studio apartment next door.

03:02:15.000 So we paid $1,000 for that.

03:02:17.000 And I would pay them, the first of the month I'd go over to their condo, and they would make espressos, and they had cannolis, and we'd sit down, you always had to sit down with them.

03:02:27.000 And I'd give her, I'd give them $800.

03:02:32.000 And then when Toni would go in the next room, I would give her another 200 cash, because that was her bingo money.

03:02:38.000 And Toni don't need to know about that.

03:02:47.000 So Tony thought he was getting eight.

03:02:48.000 Yes, he thought he was getting eight.

03:02:50.000 And so we got broken into one time.

03:02:55.000 Somebody came in through the roof.

03:02:57.000 And this was when I was doing stand-up in New York, so I had a lot of cash, because you're running around doing cash spots every night. 0.81

03:03:02.000 So I had like $1,000, which at the time was a fucking lot of money. 0.93

03:03:06.000 I had $1,000 sitting on my desk, and it got stolen and some other shit. 0.94

03:03:10.000 And I told Tony and Gladys what happened, and they go, We're going to talk to some people about that. 0.77

03:03:16.000 We're going to find out who did it, because we know people.

03:03:19.000 You know who I know.

03:03:20.000 I'm not saying who I know, but you know who I know, and we're going to tell some people about it.

03:03:24.000 Don't worry about it.

03:03:26.000 We'll take care of it.

03:03:27.000 So what happened?

03:03:28.000 Nothing happened.

03:03:29.000 Yeah.

03:03:30.000 I don't know how much he really knew Gotti, but...

03:03:32.000 I'm sure he did.

03:03:33.000 Probably knew him a little, but imagine talking about that.

03:03:36.000 Mr. Gotti, I need to talk to you about something.

03:03:38.000 That's it.

03:03:39.000 That's the Raven Knight Social Club right there.

03:03:42.000 Look how they used to dress on purpose.

03:03:44.000 That's my apartment. 0.99

03:03:46.000 Dude, I walked up and down six fucking floors every day. 0.99

03:03:51.000 That's got to be good for you. 0.99

03:03:53.000 How'd you carry a couch up there?

03:03:54.000 It was all their stuff.

03:03:56.000 It all had plastic on the couch.

03:04:01.000 There was shell casings in one of the end tables.

03:04:06.000 Wow.

03:04:07.000 Yeah.

03:04:08.000 Jesus Christ.

03:04:10.000 What is that neighborhood like now?

03:04:12.000 Is it still an Italian neighborhood?

03:04:13.000 No, it's all super expensive boutique-y shops, you know, the kind of places where you walk in and they sell like six pairs of jeans and three belts for like $1,000 each and great little restaurants that have like five tables in them.

03:04:31.000 They still have those kind of places there?

03:04:34.000 Well, that tenement's still there.

03:04:36.000 Wait, one, two, three, four, five.

03:04:39.000 Maybe it was only five stories.

03:04:40.000 I thought it was six.

03:04:43.000 All right, Gregory, let's wrap this up.

03:04:44.000 Let's bring it home.

03:04:45.000 People want to see Gregory on the road.

03:04:47.000 I'm going to be coming to you New Orleans next weekend and Lafayette, Louisiana, and then I will be in Chicago at the Den Theater October 15th.

03:04:56.000 Is it gregfitzsimmons.com?

03:04:58.000 gregfitzsimmons.com, also Punchline in San Francisco, Tampa, SideSplitters, Hyenas in Dallas.

03:05:04.000 So glad Punchline's still around in San Francisco.

03:05:06.000 Yeah.

03:05:07.000 Same spot.

03:05:07.000 Remember, we almost lost that spot.

03:05:09.000 I know.

03:05:10.000 Burr and Chappelle and a bunch of people all flew up there and did shows and kind of bailed them out.

03:05:15.000 Yeah.

03:05:16.000 Amazing.

03:05:17.000 But, yeah, and then the podcast is Fitz Dog Radio.

03:05:20.000 There it is.

03:05:20.000 Tour dates.

03:05:21.000 And then I do Sunday papers on Sundays with Mike Gibbons.

03:05:24.000 We cover the news every week.

03:05:27.000 And Childish with Alison Rosen.

03:05:28.000 Oh, you're going to be out here in Dallas at Hyenas in December.

03:05:33.000 Hyenas Fort Worth, yeah. 1.00

03:05:34.000 I heard that place is a shit. 1.00

03:05:35.000 It's great. 1.00

03:05:36.000 I did it once before.

03:05:36.000 I've never done it.

03:05:37.000 I heard it's awesome.

03:05:38.000 Yeah, it's really nice.

03:05:38.000 It's kind of got an indie feel.

03:05:41.000 Greg, you're the man.

03:05:41.000 I love you.

03:05:42.000 Love you too, man.

03:05:43.000 Thanks for having me on.

03:05:44.000 My pleasure.

03:05:44.000 All right.

03:05:45.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 30, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons

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