The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1909 - Stavros Halkias

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:05.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 It's kind of a weird thing that we're here, in Austin.

00:00:15.000 Yeah.

00:00:16.000 It's weird here.

00:00:17.000 Yeah, because LA, it's like famous people are everywhere.

00:00:19.000 They're everywhere.

00:00:19.000 They know how to act.

00:00:20.000 People know how to act.

00:00:21.000 Here, it's just starting a little bit.

00:00:23.000 It's just like Matthew McConaughey.

00:00:25.000 Yeah.

00:00:26.000 Elon, but Elon never goes anywhere.

00:00:28.000 Yeah.

00:00:28.000 He's always working on five different companies.

00:00:30.000 Right.

00:00:31.000 Who else?

00:00:31.000 Who else is in Austin?

00:00:34.000 Zach Levy, but he lives out a little bit further out in the country.

00:00:39.000 Yeah, just McConaughey.

00:00:40.000 Dawson moved here.

00:00:41.000 James Van Der Beek.

00:00:42.000 Oh, that's right.

00:00:43.000 He's here.

00:00:44.000 And then the other...

00:00:45.000 There's a few guys.

00:00:47.000 Well, it's also, I think, podcast famous.

00:00:49.000 Sandra Bullock, but she's never here either.

00:00:50.000 She's always working.

00:00:51.000 Yeah.

00:00:52.000 So I think podcast fame and internet fame, it's like people, you're much more approachable too.

00:00:55.000 Yeah.

00:00:56.000 You know, because it's like you're in their ears.

00:00:58.000 Well, they 100% know you.

00:00:59.000 100% know you.

00:01:00.000 Yeah.

00:01:00.000 They know all the most embarrassing stories you told.

00:01:03.000 Seven years ago when you were like, podcasting isn't going to catch on. 1.00

00:01:05.000 And you talked about, you know, things you put in your ass in middle school. 0.99

00:01:09.000 They're like, oh. 0.99

00:01:10.000 Bro, 12 years ago for me.

00:01:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:01:12.000 Yeah, we started off with a fucking laptop using a webcam. 0.99

00:01:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:01:17.000 It's high as fuck. 0.99

00:01:18.000 Just recording directly to the webcam, like the laptop audio? 0.99

00:01:22.000 Yes.

00:01:23.000 Well, we had some sort of a USB microphone.

00:01:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:26.000 But we also did everything completely obliterated.

00:01:30.000 We were doing volcano hits.

00:01:33.000 Oh, dude!

00:01:34.000 The volcano.

00:01:35.000 That's a beautiful thing.

00:01:36.000 You didn't know why you were saying it.

00:01:37.000 While you were saying it, you're like, what am I saying?

00:01:39.000 Of course.

00:01:40.000 Well, no one's going to listen. 0.99

00:01:41.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:01:41.000 I'm just having fun. 0.99

00:01:42.000 And then they did.

00:01:43.000 Back then, it was like...

00:01:45.000 You know, a good episode would have like 2,000 people.

00:01:49.000 For real.

00:01:50.000 Now a tweet that gets 2,000, I'm like, bombed.

00:01:52.000 I know, what happened?

00:01:53.000 It went wrong. 0.91

00:01:55.000 It's fucking fascinating to see the difference in tweets now. 0.91

00:01:59.000 Because people aren't scared to post what they really think about something. 0.98

00:02:04.000 So like NBC News will post something, and then underneath it, you'll just see a cascade of people shitting all over them. 0.88

00:02:10.000 And harshly. 0.96

00:02:12.000 Right, right, right.

00:02:12.000 It's wild.

00:02:13.000 They're making death threats?

00:02:14.000 No, not that. 1.00

00:02:16.000 They're like, fuck you, Tucker. 1.00

00:02:18.000 But they can be funny again and not worry about getting banned or shadow banned or any of that stuff. 1.00

00:02:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:24.000 No, I barely...

00:02:25.000 I honestly barely use Twitter anymore.

00:02:27.000 It's just like...

00:02:27.000 Me too.

00:02:28.000 Purely for... 0.97

00:02:29.000 All social media, honestly, I just do the fucking, because it's comedy and you have to get people out to stuff. 0.97

00:02:34.000 Right, promotion. 0.94

00:02:35.000 I really don't think people should use that.

00:02:37.000 I mean, I'm not breaking any ground here, but it's like, I barely, you know.

00:02:41.000 You and I are on the same page.

00:02:42.000 Yeah.

00:02:42.000 Dude, I put my phone away for, like, this summer.

00:02:44.000 I went back to Baltimore.

00:02:46.000 I lost, like, 20 pounds with my brother.

00:02:48.000 My brother's a trainer.

00:02:49.000 And I just didn't use my phone. 0.99

00:02:51.000 I was fucking eating right. 0.97

00:02:52.000 I was working out every day. 0.99

00:02:54.000 Fucking, I felt great. 0.99

00:02:55.000 I was like, this is awesome. 0.99

00:02:56.000 I'm going to go into the next leg of the tour. 0.99

00:02:58.000 I'm in New York for like four days and I'm like, I'm just going to check Instagram to try and get pussy. 1.00

00:03:03.000 And I haven't been off it for more than 20 minutes for four months. 0.98

00:03:07.000 You know what I mean?

00:03:08.000 And I was like, you know what you have to do.

00:03:10.000 But it's like, you know, you can't stop. 1.00

00:03:13.000 And then the fucking algorithm gets you, bro. 0.99

00:03:16.000 The TikTok algorithm. 1.00

00:03:17.000 I don't fuck with TikTok, but apparently that's the worst. 0.99

00:03:20.000 I was just going to say that I was listening to Chris Williamson. 0.99

00:03:22.000 Do you know him?

00:03:23.000 No.

00:03:23.000 He's another guy who's out here in Austin.

00:03:25.000 Great.

00:03:25.000 Really interesting, intelligent guy.

00:03:28.000 He runs a great podcast.

00:03:30.000 But he had Scott Galloway on.

00:03:31.000 And they were talking about how TikTok is essentially engineered to keep us engaged and also accentuate all of our disagreements and arguments. 0.94

00:03:42.000 And make America look like a real shithole.

00:03:44.000 I didn't even think about the disagreements. 0.95

00:03:46.000 Because my feed is like, they've completely got me. 0.99

00:03:49.000 It's like fucking just a nice sandwich. 0.99

00:03:52.000 And I'm trying to get fucking jacked these days. 0.99

00:03:54.000 So it's like just fat guys' weight loss journeys. 0.99

00:03:57.000 They know everything.

00:03:58.000 And then it's like a muscle girl, which I'm into now.

00:04:01.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:04:02.000 They've created a new fetish for me just off of fucking... 0.99

00:04:04.000 It started with just like instructional stuff. 1.00

00:04:07.000 And now it's just like some girl who's just fucking... 1.00

00:04:09.000 You know, crushing a watermelon with her thighs and then deadlifting like, you know, 800 pounds and I'm like... 0.99

00:04:14.000 You like those.

00:04:15.000 I'm in.

00:04:15.000 You like those?

00:04:16.000 Yeah, I'm in.

00:04:17.000 I want those.

00:04:18.000 Because in my mind, that's got to be... 1.00

00:04:20.000 There's got to be one of them that wants to fuck a fat guy to like... 1.00

00:04:25.000 Straighten them out. 1.00

00:04:26.000 Exactly.

00:04:26.000 It's a project.

00:04:27.000 You fucking fat piece of shit. 1.00

00:04:28.000 Like just... 1.00

00:04:29.000 Just pinching my tits. 1.00

00:04:31.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:04:32.000 And I'm like... 1.00

00:04:32.000 I'm a fucking little fat fellow. 1.00

00:04:34.000 I'm your fuck pig. 1.00

00:04:36.000 She's got me oinking while she's eating my ass. 1.00

00:04:39.000 That's got to exist. 1.00

00:04:40.000 You know what I mean?

00:04:41.000 A hundred percent.

00:04:42.000 And you're going to find her after the show.

00:04:43.000 That's why I'm here, Joe.

00:04:44.000 She's reaching.

00:04:45.000 Right now, she's got her thumbs moving.

00:04:48.000 Gals, hit me up. 1.00

00:04:49.000 The DMs are open. 0.99

00:04:51.000 Girls that jacked have to be really horny, too. 1.00

00:04:54.000 You'd think so. 0.99

00:04:55.000 I bet they're super physical. 0.99

00:04:57.000 Yeah, because you're in peak physical shape, so it's like all your hormones and shit must be firing off. 0.98

00:05:03.000 And I think nature would tell you that if you're a woman and you have to lift all this heavy stuff, then you're in trouble. 0.99

00:05:12.000 The men aren't doing their job.

00:05:14.000 They're not defending the village.

00:05:16.000 You're preparing for war.

00:05:17.000 So probably all your testosterone ramps up. 1.00

00:05:21.000 You're floating the pheromones out there to get a warrior, so the pussy's probably a top notch. 1.00

00:05:27.000 Top notch. 1.00

00:05:27.000 Because if your body thinks you're in distress, they want to get a mongol to make you his wife. 1.00

00:05:33.000 Yeah, some super fucking killer viking character. 0.99

00:05:37.000 It's probably tight like a drum, too. 1.00

00:05:40.000 Absolutely.

00:05:41.000 100%.

00:05:42.000 Oh my god.

00:05:42.000 They could probably lift me.

00:05:44.000 They could probably do deadlifts. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Put my dick in, clench, and then just do squats. 1.00

00:05:49.000 That's probably possible. 1.00

00:05:50.000 If you've seen that picture, it's a meme, the type of men who wear masks in their car, and it is a woman holding a guy up while they make out, and the guy's got his legs wrapped around the woman.

00:06:02.000 By the way, I'm in.

00:06:05.000 Sounds awesome.

00:06:06.000 Do you want her to keep the wristbands on? 0.97

00:06:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:09.000 Chalked hands, like she's deadlifted.

00:06:12.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:06:13.000 I want my dick to get chained from the calluses. 1.00

00:06:16.000 I want my dick to feel like it's been at the spa all day. 1.00

00:06:20.000 Like it's been completely rubbed off. 1.00

00:06:21.000 A new layer of skin comes off every time I get jacked off by those Like a salt bath. 1.00

00:06:26.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.90

00:06:26.000 Like you've been scrubbed. 0.90

00:06:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:29.000 100%.

00:06:30.000 That's what I want.

00:06:30.000 I didn't know that about myself, but I'm in there.

00:06:33.000 And then listen, I'm still- You find out things.

00:06:35.000 You find out through the algorithm.

00:06:36.000 You don't know what you like until you see it.

00:06:38.000 No.

00:06:38.000 I did hook up with one girl that was strong, and I think she had that thing going on.

00:06:43.000 She just kind of DM'd me, and I was like, fuck yeah, let's get in there. 0.96

00:06:46.000 And it was nice. 0.99

00:06:47.000 I was going down on her, and I had like- Giant thighs just wrapped around my head to the point where I was started to no joke I'm not exaggerating just blackout like I started seeing spots and I was like if I don't make her come I'm going to die and there was like a fucking thrill to that there was like it felt like Indiana Jones sliding under the fucking thing with the You know what I mean? 0.99

00:07:08.000 I was like, I have moments to make this woman bust before I lose consciousness. 1.00

00:07:12.000 It was fucking thrilling. 0.99

00:07:14.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:07:15.000 So, I don't know.

00:07:16.000 But I guarantee you there's a thing like that.

00:07:19.000 There's gotta be.

00:07:19.000 Where a woman, like, doesn't even want a powerful man.

00:07:22.000 She just wants a guy that she could turn into a project. 1.00

00:07:25.000 Right.

00:07:25.000 Because women always do that with guys anyway.

00:07:27.000 Sure. 0.99

00:07:27.000 The same type of women that adopt, like, sad dogs. 0.99

00:07:30.000 Right. 1.00

00:07:31.000 I'm a fucked up bulldog. 0.99

00:07:34.000 A lot of people, they'll take on projects with people. 1.00

00:07:39.000 Brian Callen used to always do that.

00:07:41.000 He used to have these gals that he would date. 1.00

00:07:43.000 I'd be like, Brian, fucking stop. 0.99

00:07:46.000 It's okay. 0.99

00:07:46.000 I'm going to help you out. 0.99

00:07:48.000 It was always a disaster.

00:07:49.000 They want meth heads. 1.00

00:07:51.000 Wild shit. 1.00

00:07:52.000 I'm ready to be someone's disaster. 1.00

00:07:53.000 I'm ready to have a good three months until I slip off my diet and they're like, I found fucking oatmeal cream pies wrappers in the garbage. 0.99

00:08:03.000 I'm like, I don't know what to tell you, babe. 0.99

00:08:05.000 Somebody must have broken in and had fucking a dove bar because it wasn't me. 0.99

00:08:10.000 I was doing fucking... 1.00

00:08:12.000 Burpees. 1.00

00:08:12.000 I was doing burpees. 1.00

00:08:14.000 I was doing lat pull downs, I swear to God.

00:08:16.000 That was when I was doing hot yoga, babe.

00:08:20.000 She kicked me out.

00:08:22.000 There's a PS5 and she kicks it and just snacks fall out of it. 0.99

00:08:26.000 I've taken all the hard drive, I've taken all the games out and it's just fucking Twizzlers and fucking chocolates. 0.99

00:08:31.000 She finds a secret fridge filled with coke. 0.99

00:08:36.000 I'm like, those are my family heirlooms from Greece.

00:08:39.000 Don't touch those.

00:08:41.000 That's the sad thing.

00:08:41.000 If you're in a relationship and you have to hide what you actually like.

00:08:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:45.000 Like, oh, man.

00:08:47.000 Well, I think part of it is because a lot of my relationships...

00:08:50.000 You know, I'm big on therapy. 0.99

00:08:51.000 I've been thinking about this shit all the time. 0.98

00:08:53.000 A lot of my relationships, what I'm into is someone who just treats me way too good. 0.99

00:08:58.000 Because it's like, that's my mom kind of coddled me.

00:09:00.000 I was a mama's boy.

00:09:01.000 I was the firstborn.

00:09:02.000 I was like a...

00:09:03.000 One of those smart, precocious little kids who's always saying something fun.

00:09:07.000 And so every time I've really, really liked a girl to be in a serious relationship, she's just kind of like over the top.

00:09:14.000 I wouldn't have to hide anything because they're like, oh, you can't even help it.

00:09:18.000 And I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't. 0.97

00:09:21.000 And so I think part of me wants like, yeah, fucking throw me through the ringer. 0.99

00:09:24.000 Some hot mama. 1.00

00:09:25.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

00:09:26.000 How much stepmom porn is there out there? 0.99

00:09:28.000 There's a lot out there. 0.99

00:09:29.000 It seems crazy.

00:09:30.000 I think it's out.

00:09:31.000 What happened?

00:09:31.000 When did this emerge?

00:09:32.000 Every now and then I check in.

00:09:34.000 I don't know.

00:09:34.000 There's a whole different wave of genre going on.

00:09:38.000 That is huge.

00:09:39.000 I don't know what it is.

00:09:41.000 See, that's the weird thing. 1.00

00:09:42.000 You would think I would have mommy shit. 1.00

00:09:44.000 I don't have that. 1.00

00:09:45.000 I find it disgusting. 1.00

00:09:46.000 I think stepmom shit is different. 1.00

00:09:47.000 Stepmom is different. 1.00

00:09:49.000 Dad is divorced, but dad's rich, and dad marries this really hot slut, but dad's at work all day. 1.00

00:09:57.000 He's gotta fucking run the corporation. 1.00

00:10:00.000 And you're this jock son in college. 1.00

00:10:03.000 That's like all of them.

00:10:04.000 Absolutely.

00:10:05.000 That sounds pretty good.

00:10:06.000 You know what I'm in? 0.99

00:10:07.000 It's like a classic fucking Joseph Campbell genre. 0.99

00:10:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:10:12.000 It's the hero's journey.

00:10:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:16.000 It starts at dinner one day.

00:10:18.000 Because no one feels bad for anyone involved.

00:10:21.000 No one feels bad that she's cheating on the son.

00:10:24.000 The son is in college, so that's fine. 1.00

00:10:27.000 The dad is probably some rich piece of shit. 1.00

00:10:29.000 Yeah, emotionally abusive, neglectful. 1.00

00:10:32.000 Probably cheated on his mom, who was an amazing woman, and now he's with this floozy. 0.93

00:10:38.000 She died.

00:10:38.000 She had chemotherapy.

00:10:38.000 He wasn't there.

00:10:39.000 He wasn't there. 0.99

00:10:40.000 He didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:10:41.000 He was at the office. 1.00

00:10:42.000 No, he was at the office.

00:10:43.000 And now he's got this new one.

00:10:45.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:10:45.000 And she's a fucking weightlifter. 1.00

00:10:47.000 Oh, now we're talking. 1.00

00:10:48.000 Let's fucking get it all together. 1.00

00:10:50.000 Weightlifter wearing pumps, giant thighs, fucking jacks. 1.00

00:10:53.000 Now we're getting into what I'm liking. 1.00

00:10:55.000 She comes into my room.

00:10:56.000 She's like, why haven't you done your homework?

00:10:58.000 I'm like, you're not my real mom. 1.00

00:10:59.000 She's like, what the fuck did you say to me? 1.00

00:11:01.000 Picks me up against the wall. 0.99

00:11:04.000 That's now we're talking.

00:11:05.000 And then you lean towards and she just goes for it.

00:11:07.000 She starts making out with you.

00:11:09.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:11:10.000 She holds you up with one arm where she's grabbing your dick with the other one. 1.00

00:11:13.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:11:14.000 From behind. 0.94

00:11:15.000 But doesn't let me come the first time.

00:11:19.000 She's like, finish your homework.

00:11:20.000 Maybe you'll bust next time.

00:11:22.000 I'm like, yes, ma'am.

00:11:24.000 I've become a model student.

00:11:27.000 I'm in a little tie, shooting tie.

00:11:29.000 Well, hello, father.

00:11:30.000 Dude, we might just created the new genre of porn.

00:11:33.000 It's gotta advance. 0.98

00:11:34.000 Female trainer, like muscular female. 1.00

00:11:36.000 The thing is, like, how many, like, really jacked muscular females go into porn? 1.00

00:11:41.000 True. 0.97

00:11:42.000 Probably a very small minority.

00:11:43.000 Very small minority.

00:11:44.000 I've done the research.

00:11:45.000 It's not that many.

00:11:46.000 Half-jacked off to a couple of these videos.

00:11:48.000 I don't think that's a genre yet.

00:11:50.000 No, but we'll get there.

00:11:51.000 You have to get people to train for it, like Cirque du Soleil.

00:11:55.000 Yeah.

00:11:55.000 Get these gals going, look, there's a whole new genre.

00:11:58.000 Right.

00:11:59.000 If porn was organized the way film and television was...

00:12:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:02.000 We need a...

00:12:03.000 Look at this gal! 1.00

00:12:04.000 Holding that guy over her head, holy shit! 1.00

00:12:06.000 Look at the size of her! 1.00

00:12:09.000 How big is that dude?

00:12:10.000 He's a little guy. 1.00

00:12:11.000 But bro, she looks like she's got some fucking stock genetics. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Like that will make you a barbarian. 1.00

00:12:18.000 That'll make you a warrior. 1.00

00:12:19.000 That guy's foot could fit in her pussy. 1.00

00:12:21.000 Look at the size of her fucking legs and her ass muscles. 1.00

00:12:26.000 The way she's hoisting that guy one arm over her head. 1.00

00:12:29.000 Let's just assume he's a tiny guy.

00:12:31.000 Tiny guy.

00:12:32.000 He's gotta weigh a hundred pounds.

00:12:33.000 Let's say 5'2", a hundred pounds.

00:12:35.000 Even if he's 100 pounds over your head with one arm like that, it's crazy.

00:12:39.000 Yeah.

00:12:39.000 And the fact that it's this woman who's very womanly.

00:12:42.000 When is this from?

00:12:43.000 19th century muscle women. 1.00

00:12:44.000 I was looking at other pictures and just saw that.

00:12:47.000 Bro, that is 100% like Viking genetics.

00:12:51.000 Yeah.

00:12:51.000 Right?

00:12:52.000 A hundred percent.

00:12:53.000 Oh, you got two little guys.

00:12:55.000 Two little guys with one arm over her head. 0.97

00:12:57.000 And that's the thing, no one could, you weren't allowed to jack off to stuff, you know, plainly, this couldn't be a sex thing, but this was 100% a sex thing back then. 0.94

00:13:05.000 Look at the size of her, and she's holding three guys on her arms. 1.00

00:13:09.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:13:09.000 What did she do? 1.00

00:13:10.000 This seems like the same lady.

00:13:11.000 This is a genre.

00:13:13.000 She's lost to history.

00:13:15.000 No offense to this long-since-past woman, but she has a very masculine face.

00:13:18.000 She does.

00:13:19.000 That easily could be a guy that sells you IT service.

00:13:24.000 Right?

00:13:24.000 That's the guy who comes in with a clipboard and says, like, do you guys want high-speed internet?

00:13:31.000 Like, how many gigabytes do you guys think you use?

00:13:34.000 Oh, you don't need that upload speed.

00:13:35.000 You guys are fine where you're at.

00:13:36.000 Go back to that picture.

00:13:37.000 They don't like when I say this, but you guys are fine.

00:13:39.000 Is that the same person?

00:13:40.000 Come on, man.

00:13:41.000 That's a...

00:13:41.000 That easily could be a guy who works at Google.

00:13:44.000 Have to throw a vest on her? 1.00

00:13:46.000 Yeah, like a stout guy, too.

00:13:48.000 Look how stout she looks.

00:13:49.000 Yeah, because she's got the corset. 1.00

00:13:51.000 Who knows when she'd actually be like, damn. 1.00

00:13:52.000 Look at the fucking guns on that lady. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Oh, hell yeah, dude. 1.00

00:13:55.000 Oh my God, you like that.

00:13:57.000 Out of the back! 0.99

00:13:59.000 I'm into backs, too.

00:14:00.000 How much did they know about lifting weights and getting bigger?

00:14:04.000 Back then?

00:14:04.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:14:05.000 It is crazy.

00:14:06.000 Did you really stop and think about it?

00:14:07.000 Yeah.

00:14:07.000 Like, people didn't really figure that out until, like, a couple hundred years ago.

00:14:13.000 Well, if, like, no one looked like Ronnie Coleman until Ronnie Coleman.

00:14:16.000 No, totally.

00:14:17.000 No, there's even, like...

00:14:18.000 That's, like...

00:14:19.000 We're talking about decades of difference between Frank Zane and what they do today.

00:14:26.000 I think, was it Lynn Swan?

00:14:28.000 I don't remember who it was.

00:14:29.000 Katie Sandwina?

00:14:29.000 That's her name?

00:14:31.000 There was a running back.

00:14:32.000 It was in 1884. Look at the size of that lady. 1.00

00:14:35.000 There was a running back on the Bears.

00:14:37.000 I'm blanking on his name.

00:14:38.000 There's videos of her?

00:14:39.000 I mean, it's pictures.

00:14:41.000 That's a tough angle.

00:14:43.000 I'm actually off the Katie train.

00:14:46.000 Maybe it was later in life.

00:14:48.000 Maybe she kept accelerating. 0.78

00:14:50.000 Oh, she was enormous.

00:14:51.000 Look at the size of her. 0.99

00:14:52.000 She was 16, and his name was Hyman, who was 19?

00:14:56.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

00:14:57.000 Oh, they got married, hell yeah.

00:14:58.000 Short king and a big lady, now we're talking.

00:15:00.000 182 centimeters, how tall is that?

00:15:02.000 Now we're, I don't know.

00:15:03.000 I should know that.

00:15:05.000 Let's guess.

00:15:06.000 Six foot two.

00:15:07.000 I'm going to say 5'11".

00:15:08.000 Let's see.

00:15:11.000 597 feet.

00:15:12.000 Does it count as six foot?

00:15:13.000 Six foot?

00:15:13.000 I was right about six foot, yeah.

00:15:14.000 Oh, she's six foot. 1.00

00:15:15.000 Alright, there we go.

00:15:16.000 It's a big lady. 1.00

00:15:17.000 Big lady. 1.00

00:15:18.000 Big stout lady. 1.00

00:15:20.000 So the running back, I'm blanking on his name, but literally the trainers, he was like, hey, should I lift weights like the defensive, you know, like the linemen?

00:15:29.000 And they were like, no, that'll slow you down.

00:15:31.000 Like they literally had no one, this is in the 70s, the NFL. That was with boxing too.

00:15:36.000 It's crazy, dude.

00:15:37.000 In the boxing era, like of like Marvin Hagler and Sugar Ray Leonard, it was like commonly thought that if you lifted weights, it would slow you down.

00:15:46.000 Yeah.

00:15:47.000 And it would ruin your punching power.

00:15:50.000 They would only do calisthenics.

00:15:51.000 Like Marvin Hagler did just sit-ups and push-ups and stuff like that.

00:15:54.000 You'd have to be a freak of nature to make it, which is even more impressive.

00:15:58.000 Not necessarily.

00:15:59.000 You don't think so?

00:15:59.000 No, because there's a lot of exercise.

00:16:02.000 There's a lot of thought to just getting very efficient at the technique when it comes to fighting.

00:16:09.000 Some people believe in strength and conditioning as the primary.

00:16:12.000 They think that that's more important than anything.

00:16:14.000 There's a school of thought, like the Marv Marinovich school of thought, which was, you already know how to fight, so get in insane shape.

00:16:22.000 And so he had guys doing these crazy plyometrics and all these different jumping boxes and stuff.

00:16:29.000 You know who BJ Penn is?

00:16:32.000 BJ Penn?

00:16:33.000 BJ Penn.

00:16:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:34.000 One of the greatest fighters of all time.

00:16:36.000 Yes.

00:16:36.000 And BJ's in his prime, BJ was training with Marinovich's.

00:16:40.000 So he was just doing these unbelievably brutal cardio workouts every day and almost no martial arts.

00:16:46.000 Interesting.

00:16:47.000 And then he would go and have a gas tank that was off the charts.

00:16:51.000 When you got a guy who's already as talented as BJ with zero fear of getting tired, he was the GOAT. There was a fight that I'd If you ever want to see, it'd be Khabib Nurmagomedov in his prime versus B.J. Penn in those years in the Marinovich years.

00:17:06.000 B.J. Penn was a motherfucker, man. 1.00

00:17:09.000 He was a motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:11.000 I did have an era, actually. 1.00

00:17:14.000 My little brothers are much more into UFC shit, but the Penn era, I was in there a little bit. 0.93

00:17:19.000 We'd go to Buffalo Wild Wings at White Marsh Mall, me and my brothers, and we would watch UFC shit, but that's the last, you know, that's my last, you know, frame of reference. 0.99

00:17:30.000 Like, I don't catch up with it. 0.81

00:17:31.000 I'm not with it as much anymore, but...

00:17:33.000 BJ Penn was so unusual that he won the 155-pound title, he won the 170-pound title, and he fought heavyweight. 0.96

00:17:42.000 That's fucking wild. 0.85

00:17:43.000 He fought Lyoto Machida as a heavyweight. 1.00

00:17:45.000 That is fucking insane. 1.00

00:17:46.000 Bro! 1.00

00:17:48.000 Gangster! 0.93

00:17:49.000 He's just gangster! 0.94

00:17:52.000 When he fought Lyoto, he wasn't even doing that stuff.

00:17:55.000 That was pre-Prime BJ. That was when he would just fucking train. 0.98

00:17:59.000 And he just ate. 1.00

00:18:00.000 He's like, fuck it, I'll fight anybody. 0.99

00:18:03.000 Leota Machina was like a UFC light heavyweight champion at one point in time. 1.00

00:18:06.000 This was before the UFC, but Leota was still a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:18:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:18:10.000 BJ fought him at heavyweight.

00:18:12.000 I do love that.

00:18:12.000 It's bonkers.

00:18:13.000 I love when a guy towards the end just kind of gets a little fat, doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:18:17.000 That's the coolest. 0.99

00:18:18.000 That makes me sad.

00:18:19.000 I love it, dude.

00:18:19.000 That makes me sad.

00:18:20.000 Tony Gwynn, fat as shit, still fucking never striking out. 1.00

00:18:23.000 It was awesome. 1.00

00:18:24.000 That's different.

00:18:25.000 Baseball is different.

00:18:26.000 I guess you're right than combat sports. 0.98

00:18:27.000 Yeah combat sports when guys don't want to do it anymore They gotta stop because there's a like a one foot in one foot out thing that happens and you just get your shit And then some young guy comes up and or young gal comes up and he or she fucks you up And that's just how it goes these kids that are coming up. 0.98

00:18:42.000 They they're fucking unburdened by life Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:18:48.000 They've only been alive for 22 years. 0.99

00:18:50.000 They have fucking unbelievable bodies that recover quickly. 0.99

00:18:55.000 And if they train well, and also they grow up learning it on television and watching it on YouTube. 0.99

00:19:01.000 They're seeing martial arts from the time they were little kids. 0.97

00:19:03.000 So all these techniques, they're practicing when they're fucking around with their friends. 0.97

00:19:07.000 And there's nothing cooler than dethroning a legend. 0.98

00:19:10.000 Nothing cool.

00:19:11.000 So they're coming at you with everything.

00:19:13.000 Yeah.

00:19:13.000 Everybody wants to be Mike Tyson.

00:19:14.000 Yeah.

00:19:15.000 You know, Mike Tyson was 20 years old.

00:19:17.000 He wins the heavyweight championship.

00:19:18.000 Yeah.

00:19:18.000 And everybody's like, whoa!

00:19:20.000 Fully. 1.00

00:19:20.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:19:21.000 No one wants to be Mike Tyson getting knocked out. 1.00

00:19:24.000 No one wants to be Tyson when he retired.

00:19:27.000 I think it was 90?

00:19:28.000 Was it February 11th, 1990?

00:19:30.000 Because it was a year after I was born.

00:19:32.000 Or it was when he...

00:19:35.000 But he lost to Buster Douglas?

00:19:36.000 Yes, the Buster Douglas fight.

00:19:37.000 But even after the Buster Douglas fight, he was still Mike Tyson.

00:19:40.000 People were still terrified of him.

00:19:41.000 He was just like a little resting on his laurels, you know. 1.00

00:19:45.000 Fucking the maid. 1.00

00:19:46.000 That's the best story of all time. 1.00

00:19:48.000 He was out of control.

00:19:48.000 He'll tell you what he was doing.

00:19:51.000 He was out of fucking control. 1.00

00:19:52.000 He fought on drugs. 1.00

00:19:54.000 He fought sick.

00:19:56.000 He was sick.

00:19:57.000 When he knocked out Michael Spinks, he had some sort of venereal disease. 1.00

00:20:02.000 No bullshit. 0.96

00:20:03.000 Dude, Mike Tyson in that era... 1.00

00:20:06.000 Dick leaking. 1.00

00:20:07.000 Just fucking throwing haymakers. 1.00

00:20:09.000 You gotta think, like, part of the reason why he was so good was because he was so wild. 0.99

00:20:14.000 But also, if he wasn't...

00:20:17.000 If he just maximized his insane potential and was like a Marvin Hagler type guy who just did nothing but train and trained in solitude and yet only had his eyes on the prize, only had his eyes on beating the best in the world.

00:20:33.000 I just don't think.

00:20:34.000 It was a different person.

00:20:35.000 You know what I mean?

00:20:36.000 Exactly.

00:20:36.000 It's like, and you lose that essence.

00:20:38.000 I think fully, it's like.

00:20:40.000 Maybe.

00:20:41.000 He's one of the, I know what you mean.

00:20:42.000 It's nice to think about it as like a video game and it's like just run him through.

00:20:45.000 Right. 1.00

00:20:46.000 He's your creative character and it's like, but the same guy who had that kind of power, he needed to, he needed to fucking ask the housekeeper to suck him off. 1.00

00:20:54.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:20:55.000 Like. 0.99

00:20:55.000 When they kept, that's my favorite story about when they were like, you can't go out, Mike, you gotta, and he just fucked the maids. 0.99

00:21:00.000 And it was just like, that's who he fucking was. 0.99

00:21:02.000 And it's like, yeah, that's the guy who's gonna, he's gonna fight with gonorrhea. 0.99

00:21:06.000 Yes.

00:21:07.000 And he's still gonna be, he's still gonna knock you out.

00:21:09.000 Yeah, in one round.

00:21:10.000 Yeah.

00:21:10.000 Knocks out Michael Spinks, who's an all-time great light heavyweight.

00:21:14.000 Fully.

00:21:14.000 Who had just beat Larry Holmes.

00:21:16.000 Yeah, Tyson and his...

00:21:17.000 That's what everybody wants to be.

00:21:19.000 You want to be that young, upsurging phenom.

00:21:22.000 Like BJ was when BJ was in his youth too.

00:21:24.000 The same kind of thing.

00:21:25.000 When he was coming through the ranks, he was this young upstart.

00:21:28.000 But nothing for you...

00:21:29.000 I mean, that's what you want because that zenith is so high. 0.99

00:21:33.000 Like that moment when you're fucking taking it. 0.98

00:21:35.000 But it's like... 0.99

00:21:36.000 I don't know, man.

00:21:37.000 Wouldn't you rather just have the...

00:21:38.000 What would you rather...

00:21:39.000 The glory?

00:21:40.000 The like, you know...

00:21:41.000 And then the fall?

00:21:42.000 Or would you want to just get the glory and...

00:21:44.000 Maintain is probably the best thing, right?

00:21:46.000 That's what you want to be.

00:21:47.000 Yeah.

00:21:47.000 But if you had to choose one or the other...

00:21:49.000 I'm really into the...

00:21:50.000 I'm reading the Iliad. 0.99

00:21:53.000 I'm really into the Trojan War shit right now. 0.97

00:21:54.000 And it's like Achilles had that thing where they were like, you have two options. 1.00

00:21:58.000 You can be a short life, but you're the most fucking big dick warrior of all time. 1.00

00:22:04.000 Everyone will be scared of you. 1.00

00:22:05.000 You'll go down in the history books forever.

00:22:07.000 Or a long life, no one's ever heard of you.

00:22:09.000 You're happy.

00:22:10.000 You have kids.

00:22:11.000 And he obviously chooses that. 1.00

00:22:13.000 He chooses like, fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

00:22:14.000 Let's go fuck some shit up. 1.00

00:22:16.000 And then he's the fucking man. 1.00

00:22:18.000 He's so cool. 0.99

00:22:18.000 But then in the Odyssey, Odysseus has to go to like Hades. 0.99

00:22:23.000 And he finds Achilles. 0.97

00:22:25.000 And he's like, I fucked up, dude. 1.00

00:22:26.000 This fucking sucks. 1.00

00:22:27.000 I hate being dead. 1.00

00:22:28.000 I wish I was fucking a grandfather. 1.00

00:22:29.000 I wish I was back in the village. 0.99

00:22:31.000 And it's just like, you want that thing, but you never...

00:22:34.000 I don't know, man.

00:22:35.000 Sometimes you just think...

00:22:36.000 I'm thinking about that now with comedy where it's like... 1.00

00:22:38.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

00:22:39.000 This is cool. 1.00

00:22:40.000 I'm getting the fucking... 0.99

00:22:41.000 My special went well. 0.99

00:22:42.000 I'm getting to sell some tickets.

00:22:43.000 But I'm on the road constantly.

00:22:44.000 It's what I dreamed of when I was 19. And I'm like, damn. 0.99

00:22:48.000 It's a lot of work. 0.99

00:22:49.000 It's a lot of work. 1.00

00:22:49.000 I'm getting fat as shit. 1.00

00:22:52.000 It's hard to stay healthy. 1.00

00:22:53.000 I'm tired all the time.

00:22:54.000 Which, again, I'm not complaining.

00:22:56.000 This is my dream. 0.95

00:22:57.000 But there's got to be a balance between fucking selling out everything to get the thing. 1.00

00:23:03.000 Because then shit comes after that. 0.99

00:23:05.000 And there's so many stories of people that... 0.97

00:23:07.000 Get what they want and I mean Tyson is a pretty good example where it's like it wasn't he was still Mike Tyson but it is he was never he never reached those heights and it completely fucked his personal life up obviously obviously and so that's the thing where it's like you got to think like there's got to be a balance the thing about combat sports though that is really fascinating to me is I think it ignites in us that same weird instinct to conquer but it does so in like an agreed upon manner instead of doing so through war It's

00:23:37.000 a great way to avoid war.

00:23:39.000 How many of these guys who would be dominant MMA fighters, if they were living five, six hundred years ago, they would be dominant warriors?

00:23:46.000 Almost all of them.

00:23:47.000 Society has figured out a way through things like football, which was initially created for that.

00:23:52.000 Football was literally created as a sport to simulate- Wasn't it?

00:23:57.000 Didn't we go over that before?

00:23:59.000 That football was created, was invented to simulate war?

00:24:04.000 I mean, couldn't you say that about- Can we find that?

00:24:05.000 Let's find that with the article, because I don't want to fuck that story up.

00:24:08.000 Because it's an interesting story about the origins of football.

00:24:11.000 But there's a thing when you watch a guy win a world title fight.

00:24:16.000 There's a thing when you watch two of the best in the world fight, where everyone gets to watch.

00:24:22.000 And these guys, who are the wildest and craziest of our population, Get to do this thing, which is akin to combat.

00:24:31.000 Fully.

00:24:31.000 It's like physical combat with no weapons, but your own body, use that as a weapon, and then see who knows how to do that better, and you do it in front of the world.

00:24:41.000 Yeah, I mean, that is the ancient shit of single combat, right? 0.98

00:24:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:24:45.000 Where it's like each culture, or if you wanted to avoid a war, we pick our best guy and we fuck each other up. 0.99

00:24:51.000 And there is a feeling of that, definitely.

00:24:54.000 Especially when it's like, when it's clashes of cultures, right? 0.95

00:24:57.000 When it is like, Khabib, and it is fucking, you know, Conor, whatever.

00:25:01.000 It's like, these guys from completely different places, and it almost feels like, like, that's what's cool about the World Cup. 0.90

00:25:07.000 Obviously, it's not combat sports, but there is something sick where you're just like, these countries, this means so much to them.

00:25:13.000 So much to them. 0.98

00:25:14.000 And these people, like, they got eliminated, but Japan and Korea, if they had won, they would have played each other in the fucking World Cup, and it's like, Korea would have fucked Japan. 1.00

00:25:23.000 Like, they're so mad. 0.99

00:25:25.000 I mean, that's their oppression.

00:25:26.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:25:26.000 Like, Japan fucked Korea up. 0.99

00:25:28.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

00:25:28.000 It's like, those ancient rivalries, like, England and France fought each other for thousands of years. 0.98

00:25:33.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

00:25:34.000 It's like, there is, it's just so, there is something fucking awesome about, and whenever, whenever, like, a third world country plays America, you don't think they want to fuck America up? 0.97

00:25:43.000 Of course. 1.00

00:25:44.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:25:44.000 You got all the money in the world. 1.00

00:25:45.000 We don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:25:46.000 We know you put our dictator in power. 0.99

00:25:48.000 Exactly, yeah. 0.99

00:25:52.000 My uncle was the democratically elected guy's fucking minister of the press. 0.99

00:25:57.000 He got assassinated too. 1.00

00:25:59.000 You gotta go, motherfucker. 1.00

00:26:01.000 Yeah, this is for the CIA. This goal is for the CIA. Yeah, I mean, it's like war proxy. 1.00

00:26:05.000 It's cool.

00:26:06.000 What was that article?

00:26:07.000 You highlighted something?

00:26:09.000 No, it's a tradition of it.

00:26:11.000 I don't know that it was like an official mandate or anything like that.

00:26:26.000 So at least in some ways, obviously from that, it's like a proxy.

00:26:30.000 It's like a thing that you can do.

00:26:32.000 You can do that instead of war, or maybe it can help you practice for war.

00:26:36.000 Especially back then when they really, World Wars could pop off at any time.

00:26:40.000 At any time.

00:26:41.000 Maybe you can't, you know.

00:26:42.000 That's the thing with combat sports, too.

00:26:44.000 It's all of it.

00:26:46.000 It's the same thing.

00:26:48.000 There's a thing that people have inside of them they want to conquer.

00:26:52.000 And women want to do it, too. 1.00

00:26:54.000 They want to do it socially.

00:26:55.000 For sure. 1.00

00:26:56.000 And some women, physically, are the ones you want to fuck. 1.00

00:27:01.000 Yeah, conquer me. 0.99

00:27:04.000 It's a weird thing that we have in us and it makes you wonder if people hadn't figured out sports and hadn't figured out games. 0.71

00:27:11.000 How much would we be fucking each other up?

00:27:13.000 It seems like that's what people are designed to do. 0.84

00:27:16.000 And all these other things that we do that all the other animals don't do are probably the thing that's allowed us to become what we are.

00:27:22.000 It's probably the things that have allowed us to figure out civilization.

00:27:25.000 You blow off a little steam.

00:27:26.000 We figured out ways to get along.

00:27:28.000 Like, let's play with a ball. 1.00

00:27:30.000 I'm gonna hit this ball instead of your fucking head. 1.00

00:27:32.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:27:33.000 I'm not gonna sneak in. 1.00

00:27:34.000 Think about it, a weapon, a bat is a fucking club. 1.00

00:27:37.000 It's a total weapon. 1.00

00:27:38.000 It's like, instead of your fucking head, which I want to hit, let's use cocoa. 0.99

00:27:41.000 I'm gonna pretend it's the coconut. 1.00

00:27:43.000 I'm gonna pretend your fucking nuts are this coconut. 0.99

00:27:46.000 Yeah, and they said back to them. 1.00

00:27:48.000 Now, I think we researched this too, but goddamn that marijuana is ruining my memory. 0.97

00:27:54.000 Respect, by the way. 0.98

00:27:55.000 This is such a great racket.

00:27:57.000 About. 1.00

00:27:57.000 Get high and shit and be like, what was that fucking meme I saw? 1.00

00:28:00.000 Was that an article? 1.00

00:28:02.000 In the Mayan, that Mayan football game.

00:28:05.000 They used to have a football game.

00:28:06.000 Which is like football and a little like lacrosse.

00:28:09.000 It was like kind of a little mix.

00:28:09.000 Yeah, you had to like knock it through like a hole.

00:28:11.000 Yeah.

00:28:12.000 And there was also talk that sometimes they used a human head, but I don't know if that was folklore or true.

00:28:19.000 And then there was another thing that I read that I never could remember if this is accurate, that the winning team would be sacrificed. 0.99

00:28:26.000 Whoa, that's fucking sick. 0.99

00:28:28.000 Go to the gods, a winner. 1.00

00:28:30.000 It'll be a long-ass game where people keep missing the ball.

00:28:33.000 What is it, Jamie?

00:28:35.000 There's an article about it that says, for instance, did the game's winners and losers get sacrificed at the end of the game?

00:28:39.000 The answer to both questions is no. 1.00

00:28:40.000 No, so it's all bullshit. 0.96

00:28:42.000 But what if they were? 0.99

00:28:44.000 You know, that'd be cool.

00:28:45.000 It wasn't meant to go through the hoop.

00:28:47.000 Dude, it wasn't?

00:28:48.000 What is the hoop for?

00:28:49.000 But that game was really violent.

00:28:52.000 There's like a hoop, right? 0.89

00:28:55.000 This is sick, dude.

00:28:56.000 That's not what it was for.

00:28:58.000 Oh, okay.

00:28:58.000 So it's like extra points?

00:29:00.000 Yeah, it's like Harry Potter.

00:29:02.000 It's all about catching the little gold thing.

00:29:04.000 It would have been horrible if your best players were sacrificed.

00:29:08.000 They would have had to find new players all the time.

00:29:09.000 Well, maybe they just did that because they have too many dudes that wanted to go to war.

00:29:13.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:29:14.000 And there wasn't any wars going on.

00:29:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:29:16.000 We've got to kill off some of these fuckheads. 1.00

00:29:17.000 I know what to do. 1.00

00:29:18.000 Yeah, I also think every ancient tradition is just some insecure guy was in power. 1.00

00:29:23.000 So maybe it was like, there's a stud, just this fucking big dick stud who's been winking at the chief's wife. 0.99

00:29:28.000 And he's like, guess what, dude? 1.00

00:29:31.000 You get to go see God because you're so good at sports, we're going to fucking kill you. 1.00

00:29:34.000 And it's like, so that your wife doesn't get fucked. 1.00

00:29:37.000 Well, how many dudes did they make fight to the death with swords for that? 0.99

00:29:40.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:29:42.000 You know?

00:29:42.000 100%.

00:29:43.000 Fucking the mountain guy. 1.00

00:29:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:45.000 You know?

00:29:45.000 And your wife is hanging around and you're the king just because you say so.

00:29:49.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:29:49.000 That guy can just fucking mush your head. 1.00

00:29:52.000 I know. 1.00

00:29:52.000 You make them fight to the death. 1.00

00:29:54.000 Yeah.

00:29:54.000 Makes sense.

00:29:55.000 I guarantee that's probably how they did a lot of those things back then.

00:29:59.000 Every tradition.

00:30:00.000 Why do you think every religion has a little hat that covers the bald spot? 1.00

00:30:06.000 Because some fucking guy, I think Yamaka's 100%. 1.00

00:30:10.000 100%. 1.00

00:30:11.000 The guy was insecure about his bald spot.

00:30:13.000 He's like, God said we actually have to cover this.

00:30:16.000 All of us.

00:30:16.000 Everyone.

00:30:17.000 Even you with the beautiful hair, Joseph. 1.00

00:30:19.000 People with the best fucking hair ever. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Like Jamie from Yellowstone. 0.99

00:30:24.000 Yeah, dude.

00:30:25.000 Just thick manes of hair.

00:30:26.000 Sorry, bud. 1.00

00:30:27.000 Tough shit. 1.00

00:30:27.000 Put it in the cap. 1.00

00:30:28.000 Wear the hat. 1.00

00:30:29.000 God wants you to wear a fucking hat. 1.00

00:30:31.000 100%. 1.00

00:30:31.000 How about the Pope gets to wear one like a fish's head? 1.00

00:30:34.000 What's that one? 1.00

00:30:35.000 What the fuck is that one? 1.00

00:30:36.000 That one's sick. 1.00

00:30:36.000 I don't know what it's called. 1.00

00:30:37.000 Imagine.

00:30:39.000 You should kind of get suspicious.

00:30:41.000 When your guy can't dress like regular people.

00:30:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:44.000 Like, if you're in a cult, if you're in a religion, when the dude shows up dressed like a wizard, you should go, hey, is this on the level?

00:30:52.000 Do we get one of those golden staffs?

00:30:55.000 Look at this cat.

00:30:56.000 Look at this cat.

00:30:57.000 Look at this cat.

00:30:58.000 He's got a golden staff, a golden helmet.

00:31:01.000 So we don't get those, huh?

00:31:02.000 Just him.

00:31:03.000 Bro, look at that hat.

00:31:05.000 This is the new Pope.

00:31:05.000 The new Pope is more chill.

00:31:07.000 See, his shit is silver. 1.00

00:31:08.000 Notice how his shit is silver? 1.00

00:31:10.000 He's humble, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:31:10.000 Look, it looks like a peasant made it, like an artist's rendering. 1.00

00:31:13.000 Yeah.

00:31:14.000 The other one was like, look at the old guy, Ratzinger.

00:31:17.000 Bartholomew? 1.00

00:31:18.000 That fucking Ratzinger guy. 1.00

00:31:19.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:31:20.000 The guy who had to step down. 0.99

00:31:21.000 Because he was probably fucking his, like, attendant or something. 0.98

00:31:24.000 What does it have, like, gold stars? 0.99

00:31:26.000 Yeah.

00:31:26.000 Well, he was...

00:31:28.000 Didn't he, like, retire?

00:31:29.000 No, no, no. 0.73

00:31:29.000 He was responsible for moving pedophiles. 0.73

00:31:33.000 Uh-huh.

00:31:34.000 And moving, without reporting them, moving them to new places. 0.99

00:31:38.000 How does that make him different from any other fucking pope? 0.99

00:31:41.000 Well, because one of them he did where this guy, he moved this guy and he went on to molest 100 deaf kids. 0.99

00:31:47.000 Oh.

00:31:47.000 A hundred deaf kids?

00:31:48.000 A hundred deaf kids.

00:31:49.000 Jesus Christ.

00:31:50.000 They moved them to some place, like a school that takes care of deaf kids.

00:31:53.000 They would just move people, man.

00:31:55.000 The fact that that's a real thing.

00:31:57.000 That's insane.

00:31:57.000 And that we all know about it.

00:31:59.000 And then deaf. 0.84

00:32:00.000 You couldn't, like, you moved them to the deaf kids? 1.00

00:32:03.000 They wouldn't be able to say anything about it.

00:32:05.000 He's sneaking up on them?

00:32:06.000 Dude.

00:32:07.000 Oh, that's brutal. 1.00

00:32:07.000 How many fucking stories? 1.00

00:32:09.000 Two hundred. 1.00

00:32:10.000 200 deaf kids?

00:32:11.000 Get his numbers right.

00:32:13.000 Get his numbers right, dude.

00:32:15.000 200 kids were...

00:32:15.000 The Will Chamberlain of molestation.

00:32:18.000 Wow.

00:32:18.000 Several American bishops repeatedly warned them that failure to act in this matter could embarrass the church.

00:32:24.000 Oh, God forbid the church gets embarrassed. 0.55

00:32:27.000 Jesus Christ, according to Church Files, only unearthed as part of the lawsuit.

00:32:31.000 Embarrass us.

00:32:32.000 Embarrass us, dude. 1.00

00:32:33.000 Hey, Mikey, you're fucking too many kids. 1.00

00:32:34.000 Come on, dude. 1.00

00:32:34.000 This is embarrassing. 1.00

00:32:35.000 Come on.

00:32:35.000 This is like when I slip on my shoelaces.

00:32:38.000 Yes!

00:32:39.000 This is embarrassing. 0.99

00:32:40.000 Aw, you sucked off 800 little boys. 1.00

00:32:42.000 Well, I got some egg on my face. 0.99

00:32:44.000 I spilled coffee in my lap on my way to work.

00:32:47.000 It's embarrassing. 1.00

00:32:47.000 That's so fucked. 1.00

00:32:49.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:32:50.000 I know. 1.00

00:32:50.000 I can't believe any, like, I don't mean to sound like hack college, you know, freshman year of college atheist shit here, but it's like, they do that. 1.00

00:32:58.000 How are you going to be in a church? 0.99

00:33:00.000 How do you go to a fucking church every week when it's like the Pope was just shifting guys around and giving him, not only shifting around, putting him to the most molestable kids. 1.00

00:33:09.000 He put them into the deaf kids. 1.00

00:33:11.000 He didn't put it to the school for jacked children where they could defend themselves. 0.99

00:33:16.000 So what do you think that is?

00:33:18.000 You think it was just always a part of the church?

00:33:22.000 And people just started talking about it later in life?

00:33:26.000 Fully.

00:33:26.000 100%.

00:33:27.000 So how does one church get so connected to that?

00:33:31.000 Well, I just think they...

00:33:32.000 Priest guilty of abusing deaf children in Argentine schools.

00:33:36.000 So this is in 2019. The previous one was like 10-12 years ago.

00:33:41.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:33:43.000 I mean, I think if you look at the history of the fucking Catholic Church, they were like, you know, popes were like... 0.99

00:33:48.000 Poisoning each other and fucking all the time and it's like even the thing where priests can't have kids It's like you look at that. 0.98

00:33:55.000 It's like were they just trying to not cover benefits like that's my guess my sincere guess is that the Pope at the time was trying to save money and Because it's like, truly, that's really what I think. 1.00

00:34:06.000 And like, because like the Greek Orthodox Church, not saying, we don't have fucking, no one fucks, I mean, I'm sure a couple guys fuck kids, but it's like, you get to have a wife in the Greek Orthodox Church. 0.99

00:34:16.000 But the church covers your like family's living expenses and shit. 0.99

00:34:20.000 And I really think like the Catholic Church was just like, nah, nah, nah. 0.98

00:34:24.000 I think the origin of it was the priests were like rock stars. 0.99

00:34:29.000 Because if you think about, if priests could fuck whoever they wanted to... 1.00

00:34:32.000 He's blinged out. 1.00

00:34:33.000 They look like Migos.

00:34:34.000 They got the necklaces.

00:34:35.000 They look like rock stars.

00:34:36.000 They're the ones who get to talk in front of everybody.

00:34:38.000 And they have a special relationship with God. 0.99

00:34:40.000 Oh, God told me you have to suck me off, actually. 0.99

00:34:44.000 I saw it in a vision. 0.99

00:34:45.000 And you've got to realize, like, up until, like, when was Martin Luther...

00:34:50.000 Whenever that was, there's a great Dan Carlin hardcore history on that, on Martin Luther.

00:34:57.000 So he was the first guy to make the Bible interpret it phonetically so that people could read it.

00:35:02.000 Yeah.

00:35:02.000 Because everybody was just like...

00:35:03.000 It was in Latin and no one read Latin.

00:35:05.000 Exactly.

00:35:06.000 So this is in 1507. So think about that.

00:35:08.000 Up until 1507, you just had to listen to the priest.

00:35:13.000 You had to trust that what he was saying.

00:35:14.000 So that guy's a rock star.

00:35:16.000 He's decked out like a wizard.

00:35:18.000 He's standing in front of everyone with a golden cane. 1.00

00:35:21.000 I bet he's fucking everybody. 0.99

00:35:23.000 And he probably gets to bathe. 1.00

00:35:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:35:26.000 When we think about who's hot in the ancient world, it's like they probably just got to take a bath.

00:35:32.000 Like, you know, Helen of Troy or whatever, right?

00:35:37.000 I guarantee you she just was a lady that, like, bathed. 1.00

00:35:39.000 Yeah, she smelled good. 1.00

00:35:40.000 She just didn't smell like dog shit. 1.00

00:35:42.000 Like, that's really it. 1.00

00:35:44.000 Because it's like, think about what a peasant looked like. 0.99

00:35:47.000 How fucked up their skin was. 0.99

00:35:48.000 Like, every hot girl I know today has a 12-step skincare routine. 1.00

00:35:52.000 Right.

00:35:53.000 Imagine, like, not only that, you don't even have water to wash your face. 1.00

00:35:56.000 You're out in the fucking fields. 1.00

00:35:57.000 So imagine these priests. 1.00

00:35:58.000 They get a little water.

00:36:00.000 They get to bathe every once in a while.

00:36:02.000 You're right.

00:36:02.000 No sunscreen.

00:36:03.000 Your face is fucked by the time you're 27. Forget about it. 1.00

00:36:07.000 For another 400 years after that, the mass was in Latin, so you had to know Latin to understand what was even happening.

00:36:13.000 Wow!

00:36:14.000 For 400 years after that?

00:36:15.000 Until what year?

00:36:16.000 Somewhere in the 70s or 85, depending on where your church was.

00:36:20.000 Oh my God!

00:36:20.000 That makes sense.

00:36:21.000 But you could still read the Bible at that point.

00:36:22.000 That totally makes sense.

00:36:23.000 You could read the Bible, but that guy's still talking this voodoo language dressed like a wizard. 1.00

00:36:29.000 And then if you go to the Vatican, dude, that's the real eye-opener.

00:36:33.000 I went to the Vatican on an edible.

00:36:35.000 Hell yeah, dude.

00:36:37.000 And when I was walking around the Vatican, it kicked in while I was there. 0.95

00:36:41.000 So I took it, and then I'm walking around, and as I'm walking around, I'm going, this is all a pedophile cult's booty. 0.95

00:36:50.000 Like, all their pirate booty. 0.97

00:36:51.000 100%.

00:36:52.000 Like, if you really think about how many people have been involved in these pre-scandals, like, what is the number?

00:37:00.000 Oh my god.

00:37:01.000 Throughout, like, history?

00:37:02.000 God knows.

00:37:03.000 God knows.

00:37:04.000 Imagine that with any other thing.

00:37:05.000 Imagine that with carpenters. 1.00

00:37:06.000 Every time you got your house built, your kids got fucked. 1.00

00:37:09.000 Look, the fucking deck is pretty good, though, huh? 1.00

00:37:11.000 You gotta keep the carpenters away from your kids. 1.00

00:37:14.000 Don't ever let the carpenters babysit your kids.

00:37:17.000 Imagine! 0.99

00:37:18.000 That would be fucking insane. 0.99

00:37:19.000 We'd be like, we're gonna abolish carpenters. 0.98

00:37:21.000 Everyone's gonna learn how to build their own house.

00:37:23.000 But when things are like a part of society for a long enough time and we grow up with them, we just accept them as being like a normal thing.

00:37:31.000 Not that anyone's normalizing abuse, but everybody...

00:37:35.000 They were, though.

00:37:35.000 I mean, the Catholic Church was doing that.

00:37:37.000 If you say Catholic priest, people think abuse.

00:37:40.000 100%.

00:37:41.000 Yeah.

00:37:42.000 Instant connection.

00:37:43.000 Doesn't mean that they're all doing it.

00:37:45.000 I'm sure most of them are absolutely not doing it.

00:37:47.000 Most of them are great people.

00:37:48.000 A couple of them are putting up some real numbers, some real molestation numbers.

00:37:51.000 Look at this.

00:37:52.000 The Vatican revealed Tuesday that over the past decade has defrocked 848 priests who raped or molested children and sanctioned another 2,572 with lesser penalties.

00:38:06.000 Providing the first ever breakdown of how it handled more than 3,400 cases of abuse reported to the Holy See since 2004. See, imagine that with any other business.

00:38:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:18.000 Any other industry.

00:38:19.000 I know.

00:38:20.000 Self-help.

00:38:20.000 Yeah.

00:38:21.000 Like, every time you went to a trader, they fucked your kid. 1.00

00:38:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:26.000 This is insane.

00:38:27.000 I know, dude. 0.99

00:38:28.000 It's fucking wild. 0.98

00:38:29.000 And it's a real thing. 0.99

00:38:30.000 I know.

00:38:30.000 It's like people are gonna get mad at us for even bringing it up.

00:38:32.000 I know.

00:38:33.000 But it's like, how can you get mad at something that's so insane?

00:38:36.000 That's my favorite.

00:38:37.000 When they asked Bill Burr about that, that clip is the funniest thing where they're like, don't you think you went a little too far with the Catholic Church jokes?

00:38:44.000 And he was like, don't you think the Catholic Church went a little too far?

00:38:47.000 It's like, that's it right there.

00:38:49.000 That's it right there.

00:38:50.000 It's perfect.

00:38:51.000 Well, that's a perfect Bill Burr line.

00:38:53.000 Want some coffee?

00:38:54.000 I'm good, brother.

00:38:55.000 Thank you. 0.99

00:38:58.000 That's why I do fuck with the Orthodox, because they got it set up. 1.00

00:39:02.000 That's a better set up. 1.00

00:39:04.000 You can't get married if you want to go high up in the church.

00:39:09.000 Well, that's another scam. 0.99

00:39:11.000 So gay guys can keep running everything. 1.00

00:39:15.000 They were probably the ones who figured it out. 0.99

00:39:17.000 It is like a very, especially back in the day, if you were a gay guy, and I'm not equating, obviously I'm not equating being gay with molesting children, I'm just saying, if you're a gay guy, the other parts of the church are pretty sick. 1.00

00:39:32.000 You're blinged out. 0.99

00:39:33.000 Right? 0.89

00:39:33.000 You're in a society where you can't be gay, you know, openly. 0.89

00:39:38.000 So it's like, fuck it, if I can't get married, if I can't be who I am, I'll just take sex out of the equation fully, right? 1.00

00:39:44.000 So you gotta think, like, yeah, dude, just fucking get some cool gold-encrusted, ruby-encrusted loafers. 1.00

00:39:51.000 Get me the fucking hat and let me run shit. 1.00

00:39:53.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:39:53.000 I've always equated being involved in the Catholic Church when I was a kid to, like, sadness and depression. 1.00

00:40:01.000 Yeah!

00:40:04.000 Did you go to Catholic school at all?

00:40:05.000 I went to Orthodox, so I went to Sunday school.

00:40:08.000 Greek Orthodox.

00:40:09.000 Greek Orthodox, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:40:10.000 Oh, fuck, by the way. 1.00

00:40:11.000 But that wasn't as guilt-ridden as Catholic school, was it? 1.00

00:40:13.000 Dude, Greek people don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:40:15.000 That's nice. 1.00

00:40:17.000 My dad would be like, you gotta go to church.

00:40:19.000 And I'd be like, why?

00:40:19.000 He's like, because I had to.

00:40:21.000 That's it.

00:40:21.000 There's no deep spiritual meaning.

00:40:23.000 There's no God told me to. 1.00

00:40:25.000 It's just like, I had to do it, motherfucker. 1.00

00:40:26.000 You're going. 1.00

00:40:27.000 And then you go to Sunday school and it's just like, yeah, you know, Jesus was pretty...

00:40:32.000 It's just like, you know, your friend's older sister.

00:40:34.000 And we got to miss church to be in Sunday school. 1.00

00:40:37.000 So it's like, yeah, fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

00:40:39.000 I'll go in a little classroom and fuck around with my friends and hear about Jesus instead of, like, sitting in church like an asshole. 1.00

00:40:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:45.000 It was great.

00:40:45.000 Well, see, that's probably the attitude that you get from people that are allowed to get married and have kids.

00:40:50.000 And so you could be, like, a normal person and also be a priest.

00:40:53.000 Yeah, and you're a real part of the community. 1.00

00:40:56.000 Like, you grow up with the priest's kid, and it's like, you know, they experience real shit. 0.99

00:41:01.000 That's another thing. 0.99

00:41:02.000 It's so weird to go to somebody for, like... 1.00

00:41:05.000 Guidance on your marriage, and it's like, he hasn't gotten his dick sucked in 48 years. 0.99

00:41:09.000 There was a kid I knew when I was in high school, and he was a really sweet guy. 1.00

00:41:14.000 Really sweet guy. 0.90

00:41:15.000 But he's pretty obviously gay.

00:41:16.000 Like, I mean, when I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco.

00:41:20.000 Because he was a really good kisser?

00:41:21.000 You could tell? 1.00

00:41:23.000 He tasted like dick. 1.00

00:41:25.000 Every time we kissed him, you're like, this is really good. 1.00

00:41:29.000 You must be gay. 1.00

00:41:31.000 I mean, I don't know if he was gay, but I would not be shocked if he was. 0.98

00:41:35.000 And I was always weirded out.

00:41:38.000 I'm like, is this guy reading so much religion because he wants to get rid of these feelings?

00:41:43.000 Yeah, I think that happens for sure.

00:41:45.000 I definitely think that happens.

00:41:46.000 He became a priest.

00:41:48.000 I don't know what happened to that, but we were all like...

00:41:50.000 Everybody who knew him was like...

00:41:52.000 A couple people were like, that's great.

00:41:55.000 It'll cure him.

00:41:56.000 He's going to be Father Bill now.

00:41:58.000 And my sister and I were like, poor guy.

00:42:02.000 Especially because, like I said, from age 7 to 11, I lived in San Francisco.

00:42:08.000 Gay people were just... 1.00

00:42:09.000 It was just normal. 0.77

00:42:10.000 It was so common.

00:42:12.000 So I grew up that way.

00:42:14.000 But moving to Florida, in particular, and then, again, moving to Boston, I realized a lot of people get real bummed out if their kid's gay.

00:42:22.000 And it seemed like this dude was just...

00:42:25.000 I mean, I could be wrong.

00:42:26.000 Maybe he was just really into religion. 0.99

00:42:28.000 But for a fucking 17-year-old to be really, really, really into religion and carrying a Bible everywhere and reading it everywhere, maybe. 0.99

00:42:35.000 Maybe. 1.00

00:42:36.000 Maybe that's changing him and giving him power.

00:42:39.000 Still.

00:42:40.000 But even still, I think anyone at that age, it's like, you don't want to lock yourself into something you can't get out of, right?

00:42:46.000 And it's like, maybe he was very into religion, but maybe, you know, that was just a coping mechanism.

00:42:51.000 And when he really sat and thought about who he was or whatever, it's like he didn't want to be it. 0.99

00:42:56.000 But then you're a fucking priest and there's all this pressure. 1.00

00:42:59.000 And then since you've been studying, there's all this religious guilt and shit. 1.00

00:43:02.000 You probably stay into it. 0.99

00:43:03.000 And I feel, you know, obviously you feel bad if somebody, you know, we don't, we're just speculating here, but if he did get trapped in that kind of shit, that's tough. 1.00

00:43:09.000 It's tough. 0.99

00:43:10.000 I mean, it's the same reason fucking kids shouldn't, like, why student debt is such a, like, bullshit situation, because it's like, yeah, you have some 17-year-old kid who's like, I want to be a marine biologist, and then he goes, and he's like, oh, I'm actually, I can't do math, I'm a fucking student. 1.00

00:43:23.000 Dumb as shit. 1.00

00:43:24.000 And now I owe $40,000. 1.00

00:43:26.000 A lot more than that.

00:43:27.000 Also, it's the only debt you can't get out of. 1.00

00:43:31.000 It's so fucked up. 1.00

00:43:32.000 It's so fucked up. 1.00

00:43:33.000 To saddle kids with that, like literal children, 17-year-olds, 18-year-olds with that, is so nuts. 1.00

00:43:41.000 Because you can get out of everything! 0.99

00:43:45.000 Do you think Sam Bankman-Fried is going to have to pay $8 billion or whatever the fuck is missing? 0.99

00:43:51.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.96

00:43:52.000 He's not going to have to pay that.

00:43:52.000 Did you see this that Sager did, this piece about Ivy League?

00:43:55.000 I think it was...

00:43:56.000 No, let's play it, because he's awesome.

00:43:58.000 Well, he was repeating Malcolm Gladwell's thing.

00:44:00.000 It's a perpetual motion thing.

00:44:02.000 Well, we'll get a sense of it.

00:44:07.000 ...of learning in the U.S. have long departed their mission statements.

00:44:10.000 They are effectively recession-proof industries set up to bilk the federal government and students while funding a pernicious ideology that is spreading across our higher elite like cancer.

00:44:19.000 At the root of it is a rigged financial system.

00:44:23.000 These industries beclown themselves because they can.

00:44:26.000 They can because students pay.

00:44:28.000 But more so, they don't even really need the students to pay anymore.

00:44:31.000 It has become increasingly clear in the size of university endowments, which Malcolm Gladwell recently revealed as a scam of epic proportions, focusing his laser on Princeton University.

00:44:41.000 Princeton is the world's first perpetual motion machine, Gladwell writes.

00:44:46.000 At the heart of his argument is this.

00:44:48.000 Quote, after a stellar year in 2021, Princeton University has an endowment of $37.7 billion.

00:44:54.000 Over the past 20 years, the average annual return for the endowment has been 11.2%, which puts Princeton's return next year at roughly $3.77 billion.

00:45:06.000 He continues, now what is Princeton's annual operating budget?

00:45:10.000 That would be $1.86 billion.

00:45:13.000 The arithmetic is not hard.

00:45:15.000 3.7 billion in investment minus 1.86 in operating still leaves you with 1.91 billion, leading him to conclude what?

00:45:24.000 Quote, Princeton could let every student in for free.

00:45:28.000 The university administrators could tell the U.S. government and all of its agencies, it's cool.

00:45:33.000 We got this.

00:45:34.000 They could take out the cash registers in their cafeteria.

00:45:37.000 They could hand out free parking to all visitors.

00:45:39.000 They could give away Princeton sweatshirts on Nassau Street.

00:45:42.000 They could fire their entire accounts receivable staff and their entire funding staff tomorrow.

00:45:47.000 In fact, his team even put together this handy little chart.

00:45:50.000 Princeton has been not just doing this recently, but for nearly two decades.

00:45:55.000 On a year-by-year basis, their endowment return, just the return, nearly exactly equals or surpasses the entire operating budget of the whole school, meaning no student would ever need to be charged tuition again.

00:46:10.000 Or you could imagine a world where students pay much, much less.

00:46:14.000 Also, as you can guess, this is not just the case with Princeton University.

00:46:18.000 It's the case with almost every Ivy League institution in this entire country, whose endowments in some cases surpass, and I'm not kidding, the GDP of small African nations. 0.89

00:46:28.000 With this mountain of wealth, why are they not doing what they were supposed to do?

00:46:32.000 They were supposed to spend it on students.

00:46:35.000 Instead, they simply reinvest the returns, build an ever-growing pile of cash, giving fees to money managers, all while continuing to raise tuition precipitously, even when you're all giving them this freaking Zoom school.

00:46:48.000 Tuition at Princeton right now is $80,000 a year.

00:46:53.000 Let it sink in.

00:46:54.000 That is 10 grand more than the average U.S. household income annually.

00:46:58.000 Which brings us to the tax code.

00:47:00.000 Now look.

00:47:02.000 Yeah, that's good enough.

00:47:03.000 But Jesus Christ, what a scam.

00:47:05.000 Ivy Leagues in general, it's like they're like, and that's, I mean, I think education should be free.

00:47:12.000 I think you should be able to go to college for free. 0.97

00:47:14.000 I think we should forgive student debt, all that kind of shit. 0.99

00:47:18.000 But it is, Ivy Leagues in general, it's like so fucked because they have the money. 0.99

00:47:21.000 Well, I think it would be wise if we gave it available to citizens. 0.95

00:47:27.000 What would be the harm in that?

00:47:29.000 They wouldn't work hard to get it because it doesn't cost anything?

00:47:33.000 Maybe.

00:47:33.000 Some people.

00:47:35.000 No, that's ridiculous. 0.72

00:47:36.000 But people need to figure out how it's not about that.

00:47:38.000 Just because it's coming to you for free, this is a unique opportunity.

00:47:43.000 For sure.

00:47:43.000 You could actually learn something.

00:47:44.000 You can get ahead in this life.

00:47:45.000 Yeah, and I think that's true.

00:47:47.000 I think, yeah, college should be free.

00:47:48.000 I think, like, well, you shouldn't have to go to college. 0.96

00:47:50.000 You should be able to go to, like, you know, trade schools, all that kind of shit. 0.93

00:47:53.000 Well, I think you can learn online, too. 0.93

00:47:56.000 I mean, there's a lot of universities.

00:47:58.000 They don't offer degrees, but they offer, like, a lot of their courses online. 0.76

00:48:01.000 But that's also another problem with, like, Ivy Leagues and shit. 0.69

00:48:04.000 It's like... 0.93

00:48:05.000 Rich people just kind of like, all their kids go, they can all afford to... 0.74

00:48:09.000 I know so many dumbasses from Ivy Leagues, but it's like this fake prestige that it's just like, no, my family just had enough money to go. 0.92

00:48:16.000 And I've had friends, I grew up in Baltimore, and I've had friends who went to like Harvard and shit, and they were like... 1.00

00:48:23.000 It fucking sucked. 0.99

00:48:24.000 Like, if you're a poor kid going to Harvard, it's like you feel out of place. 1.00

00:48:27.000 You know, everyone, it's all, you know, people, and it's just like a brutal experience.

00:48:31.000 And now, you know, he does fine. 0.99

00:48:34.000 He was smart as shit. 1.00

00:48:35.000 He's a doctor. 1.00

00:48:35.000 He was a teacher for a while. 1.00

00:48:36.000 He's just like a good person. 0.98

00:48:38.000 But, yeah, I mean, I just think Ivy Leagues in general are fucking, the endowments are crazy, and it is like a... 0.98

00:48:43.000 I think we are just fucking a generation of kids, especially when you make them feel like they have to go to school. 0.97

00:48:49.000 Well, not only that, you expose them primarily to one ideology. 0.98

00:48:54.000 And that ideology is the most aggressive, which is like woke politics.

00:48:58.000 I don't know.

00:48:58.000 So, talk to kids that are in college.

00:49:00.000 They get it crammed down their throat.

00:49:02.000 I mean, when I was in college...

00:49:04.000 How long ago was that?

00:49:05.000 You got me 15 years ago.

00:49:06.000 Different world, brother.

00:49:07.000 Different world from five years ago.

00:49:09.000 Different world.

00:49:09.000 We used to see some of it and people would be like, why are you complaining about this?

00:49:13.000 You're not in college.

00:49:14.000 I'd be like, because that's going to spill out.

00:49:16.000 That kind of crazy thinking, you just abandon that when you get your degree.

00:49:19.000 Oh, I was talking crazy.

00:49:20.000 I got off the Colts.

00:49:21.000 No, you're going to keep that and transfer it to whatever tech job you get.

00:49:26.000 The problem with tech places for me is how every tech idea is just like, hey, why don't we just not pay anyone?

00:49:35.000 Every single Uber is like, hey, you know how taxi cabs exist?

00:49:40.000 What if the driver can't go to the doctor?

00:49:42.000 It's like every tech idea is just a thing that exists, but it's not a living wage anymore. 0.99

00:49:48.000 And some cocksucker who can code gets rich, and the taxi driver and the guy who goes and gets the grocery, they don't get any fucking money. 1.00

00:49:55.000 That's my issue with tech. 0.99

00:49:57.000 Well, that's one kind of tech, yeah. 0.99

00:49:59.000 I'm reading this book now that's a fucking terrifying book. 0.97

00:50:03.000 I'm not reading it. 0.99

00:50:04.000 I'm listening to it, I should say.

00:50:06.000 You should be honest on audio.

00:50:09.000 It's called The Kill Chain.

00:50:13.000 Whoops.

00:50:13.000 And it's all about technology and how far behind America is in terms of military technology and our implementation of the current technology that we have available, like the highest levels like NVIDIA chips and what that's actually been used in the actual military equipment and machines.

00:50:31.000 It's so beyond behind the times. 0.92

00:50:34.000 The shit that's available that's at the top of the food chain. 1.00

00:50:37.000 That's what's so fucking annoying is like, where the fuck are... 1.00

00:50:39.000 That's what I can't stand about the way America's set up. 0.99

00:50:43.000 The army gets the money, so how the fuck are we behind? 0.79

00:50:47.000 This is talking about how those funds, those defense funds, is a lot of what funded Silicon Valley. 0.94

00:50:53.000 That it all started there working on military intelligence and projects.

00:50:59.000 And they dumped tons and tons of money into this stuff.

00:51:03.000 And then if you look at what's available now in terms of the top fighter jets and the top You know, all the different equipment that they use that uses computers and they're comparing like computing power with what's available.

00:51:17.000 Yeah, and China has been copying everything we do. 0.94

00:51:20.000 And then the thing with like Huawei, the reason why they banned Huawei in this country, I believe they had discovered that there's a third party access through routers.

00:51:30.000 And they'd always suspected something like that.

00:51:33.000 Which means that they could just steal your intellectual property.

00:51:35.000 So you're over here and you got a billion dollar grant from the government to make some artificial intelligence chip.

00:51:40.000 And China's just scooping out your data.

00:51:43.000 I'm ready, dude.

00:51:44.000 And banging it out before you can. 1.00

00:51:45.000 Get me a jacked Chinese woman. 1.00

00:51:47.000 I'll live under her. 1.00

00:51:49.000 Whatever you want. 1.00

00:51:50.000 I'm fucking in there. 1.00

00:51:50.000 I'm cooking all day for her. 1.00

00:51:52.000 I'm ready to be a house husband.

00:51:53.000 And talk about the magnificence of China.

00:51:58.000 I can't wait.

00:51:59.000 I'll be a spy. 1.00

00:52:00.000 Listen, if you guys need a spy, if there's any hot Chinese Beijing bitches with big-ass titties and big-ass lats, I'm in. 1.00

00:52:06.000 Are you willing to get makeup so you look Chinese? 1.00

00:52:08.000 Yeah, dude.

00:52:09.000 I'll do whatever they want.

00:52:11.000 Prosthetics?

00:52:12.000 I'll wear a little kimono.

00:52:14.000 I'll be like Stevie from Eastbound and Down.

00:52:17.000 Do you remember that scene?

00:52:18.000 Do you ever watch Eastbound and Down?

00:52:19.000 I don't know.

00:52:20.000 Dude, it's so good.

00:52:21.000 I know it's so good.

00:52:22.000 Dude, it's truly the funniest show of all time.

00:52:25.000 Danny McBride is hilarious. 0.98

00:52:26.000 Roughhouse is fucking hilarious. 1.00

00:52:27.000 Danny McBride is a motherfucker, dude. 1.00

00:52:28.000 He's funny in everything he does. 1.00

00:52:30.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

00:52:31.000 He's the man. 0.99

00:52:31.000 But yeah, there's a scene where truly this, I don't know, that show is the last, they slid under just in time, but they dress him up in a little kimono and it's like insanely racist, but it's fucking hysterical. 0.99

00:52:42.000 But yeah, I'll wear, I'll do whatever they want for me.

00:52:45.000 Will you get your feet bound? 0.98

00:52:47.000 I have fucking big feet, honestly. 0.99

00:52:49.000 I have big, wide Fred Flintstone feet. 0.99

00:52:50.000 You might have to bind them.

00:52:51.000 I don't know.

00:52:52.000 How big is their technology?

00:52:53.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:52:54.000 That's you, brother.

00:52:56.000 You're in.

00:52:58.000 That's me.

00:52:58.000 Just a Chinese powerlifter lady.

00:53:00.000 Yeah, I show up dressed like that. 1.00

00:53:02.000 They're like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.98

00:53:03.000 And I'm like, I'm so sorry. 0.98

00:53:04.000 I'll take it off.

00:53:07.000 She speaks perfect English.

00:53:09.000 Why aren't your feet bound?

00:53:10.000 I'm sorry.

00:53:11.000 I'll do whatever the Chinese empire asks of me. 0.90

00:53:15.000 Bro, this book is terrifying, because it just talks about how disjointed the American military is, and how these systems aren't communicating with each other well, and it's like, oof.

00:53:25.000 Yeah.

00:53:25.000 And about how, even today, when the pilots are sharing coordinates with different machines and different equipment, they have to, a lot of it, do it over communication.

00:53:36.000 So you can just steal it easy?

00:53:37.000 They can't share it straight through.

00:53:40.000 Interesting.

00:53:41.000 I don't want to fuck it up, because I'm obviously not technically aware of how they do everything, but the way this guy's explaining it is terrifying.

00:53:48.000 Well, there is...

00:53:49.000 If you think about anything, there's so much to be scared of.

00:53:52.000 It just feels like...

00:53:53.000 It's paralyzing.

00:53:54.000 I'm definitely in the, like...

00:53:56.000 I'm in a little, like...

00:53:59.000 Not optimistic. 0.97

00:54:00.000 I think shit's going bad, but I'm going to have a good time while it's happening. 0.99

00:54:04.000 That's kind of my view. 0.99

00:54:05.000 This is probably the last generation with air conditioning, so I'm going to crank it.

00:54:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:54:10.000 You think that's it?

00:54:11.000 I'm ready to go.

00:54:12.000 We're going back to caveman days.

00:54:14.000 And I would die quick.

00:54:15.000 Do you think they'll do it to us, we'll do it to each other, or something will hit us? 0.97

00:54:20.000 Ooh, hit us would be nice.

00:54:21.000 Galvanize us. 0.98

00:54:22.000 Yeah.

00:54:23.000 Something like a big-ass asteroid. 0.99

00:54:26.000 Slams into Greenland and turns everything into fucking nuclear winter for a couple years. 0.99

00:54:31.000 That would be almost nicer, where it's like we're just going through our day, we're just fucking having a, you know, getting jacked in the gym. 0.99

00:54:37.000 Where are you getting food? 0.51

00:54:38.000 Huh?

00:54:40.000 I'm dead.

00:54:41.000 No, I'm dead.

00:54:41.000 You misunderstand me.

00:54:42.000 I mean, let's die. 1.00

00:54:44.000 Let's go. 1.00

00:54:44.000 Let's go down like the fucking dinosaurs. 1.00

00:54:46.000 You've probably got a bunker. 1.00

00:54:47.000 You're good.

00:54:49.000 I'm gone. 1.00

00:54:50.000 If the asteroid comes, I want it to hit me in the face. 0.96

00:54:52.000 That's what I'm saying, dude. 0.63

00:54:53.000 I'm climbing a mountain to make sure.

00:54:55.000 If you survive that, I mean, I'm sure you'd want to survive if you were alive.

00:54:59.000 That's the human instinct.

00:55:00.000 But if you go back to like, you know, that movie, The Road.

00:55:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:55:04.000 If shit gets to like that point. 0.98

00:55:06.000 No. 0.99

00:55:06.000 Why? 0.99

00:55:07.000 Killing myself. 0.84

00:55:08.000 I don't want to live like that. 0.99

00:55:09.000 I like living like this.

00:55:10.000 I'm spoiled.

00:55:11.000 I'm spoiled.

00:55:12.000 I live in a world where people are nice to each other.

00:55:14.000 They wave when you let them into traffic.

00:55:16.000 I like that.

00:55:17.000 If I don't get the wave, I'm pissed.

00:55:19.000 Bro, I don't want to live like the Northmen.

00:55:21.000 Did you see that movie?

00:55:23.000 The Viking movie?

00:55:23.000 It was sick.

00:55:24.000 Hardcore. 0.99

00:55:25.000 That was fucking awesome. 1.00

00:55:26.000 That was a great fucking movie. 0.99

00:55:27.000 I can't believe that movie didn't get as much love as it deserves. 0.99

00:55:31.000 Yeah, that guy's great.

00:55:32.000 Because you know what they didn't do?

00:55:33.000 They didn't modernize it at all.

00:55:34.000 Yeah.

00:55:35.000 There was zero, there was no modern heroes, no modern...

00:55:39.000 Fully.

00:55:40.000 Yeah, it was...

00:55:40.000 Well, he does a great job.

00:55:41.000 He also, that director did The Witch.

00:55:44.000 And he did The Lighthouse.

00:55:45.000 And he loves making sure everything is like, period.

00:55:50.000 I love The Witch too. 1.00

00:55:51.000 That was a fucking sick movie. 1.00

00:55:53.000 The Witch was sick. 1.00

00:55:53.000 And The Lighthouse is pretty bizarre too. 1.00

00:55:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:55.000 No, he's a fucking sick director. 1.00

00:55:57.000 His name is escaping me. 1.00

00:55:58.000 But yeah, I love that shit. 1.00

00:56:00.000 Robert Eggers. 1.00

00:56:01.000 Robert Eggers. 1.00

00:56:02.000 He fucking rules. 1.00

00:56:03.000 Yeah, he rules. 1.00

00:56:05.000 He did a fucking fantastic job with the Northmen. 0.98

00:56:08.000 It was a perfect amount of fantasy and reality and the brutal reality of the way they fought. 0.98

00:56:16.000 There was nothing unrealistic about it. 0.99

00:56:18.000 In the beginning when they're just fucking fucking up like women and children. 1.00

00:56:22.000 You're like, yeah, this is what the Vikings were like. 0.99

00:56:24.000 That's what they did.

00:56:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:56:25.000 And that's what a lot of fucking people did throughout human history. 0.99

00:56:29.000 The Mongols did it. 0.99

00:56:30.000 It's crazy because I've been on a big history kick and I'm reading about like, I was just, you know, I'm on the Trojan War tip a little bit on some Greek.

00:56:38.000 I'm reconnecting with my roots.

00:56:40.000 A little bit, but I also just...

00:56:41.000 You got some badass roots, brother.

00:56:43.000 Yeah, ancient Greece.

00:56:44.000 The Greeks? 0.68

00:56:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.68

00:56:45.000 Come on, son.

00:56:45.000 You come from one of the most important histories in all of the human race.

00:56:50.000 No, it's the best. 1.00

00:56:51.000 It is some wild shit in your country. 1.00

00:56:53.000 Truly. 1.00

00:56:54.000 No, it's fucking awesome. 0.97

00:56:55.000 But you think about... 0.87

00:56:56.000 I'm also fascinated by medieval times, and you just think about, like... 0.92

00:57:00.000 All the history that we learn is about like, oh, this king fucked this king up.

00:57:04.000 And they always just kind of gloss over like, and you know, the army raided the countryside. 1.00

00:57:10.000 And it's like, imagine being the fucking assholes on the countryside outside of the city. 1.00

00:57:14.000 You're outside Athens, you're outside of Troy, whatever. 1.00

00:57:17.000 You just get fucked, like, every ten years when some asshole, some rich asshole, some guy with water, running water, he gets to fuck, decides he wants to fuck up your town, he just comes through, steals your shit, takes your fucking wife, kills your son, and you just have to, 1.00

00:57:32.000 like, now you fucking get turnips for him. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Or he kills you too. 1.00

00:57:37.000 It's just like, I think about how fucked up it would have been to just be a peasant that's caught in between this shit. 1.00

00:57:43.000 And it's like, you're just a piece of property that gets like, who you have to pay taxes to changes every 20 years. 1.00

00:57:49.000 And every 20 years they come in and just fuck, you know, just fuck, rape everyone, take all your gold. 1.00

00:57:55.000 Well that was what people liked about Game of Thrones too. 1.00

00:57:58.000 Like Game of Thrones, they were behaving like we would expect them to behave if they lived in this dimension.

00:58:04.000 Yeah.

00:58:04.000 Oh, fully.

00:58:05.000 It was brutal and all that kind of shit. 1.00

00:58:06.000 Horrible. 0.99

00:58:06.000 There was no, like, heroes. 0.99

00:58:08.000 There was no unrealistic, modern Marvel movie heroes.

00:58:12.000 Yeah.

00:58:12.000 Everyone was flawed and full of chaos.

00:58:15.000 It was just all horrible.

00:58:17.000 That's what I love about Greek mythology. 0.99

00:58:18.000 It's just like, you look at their gods, and you know what a fucked up society was. 0.99

00:58:23.000 Zeus is the fucking—he's God, right? 1.00

00:58:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:58:26.000 And God—he's just—this just tells you what Greek people are like, because God is a guy who cheats on his wife constantly. 0.87

00:58:31.000 Like, that's his whole big thing. 0.98

00:58:33.000 Zeus and Hera are like a fucking sitcom where it's like, oh, honey, like, that kind of... 0.98

00:58:38.000 He's just like, oh, don't get mad at me. 1.00

00:58:40.000 And he just sneaks out and, like, takes the form of a swan and fucks a woman. 0.99

00:58:44.000 And then, like, comes back. 0.99

00:58:45.000 And she's like, were you getting pussed?

00:58:47.000 And he's like, no.

00:58:49.000 You know, it's just like, that was our god. 1.00

00:58:51.000 Like, the main god, he couldn't stop getting side pussy. 1.00

00:58:55.000 That's what our ancient society was built on. 1.00

00:58:58.000 He would become a bull and just see a cow that looked hot. 1.00

00:59:01.000 He wouldn't even just fuck people, he would fuck hot animals. 1.00

00:59:05.000 And that's like the cornerstone of Greek mythology. 1.00

00:59:09.000 All the heroes, half the heroes are people that Zeus just fucked.

00:59:15.000 Where do you think those stories came from? 0.83

00:59:17.000 Where do you think the stories of, you know, obviously they were told for so long before anybody wrote them down.

00:59:23.000 For sure.

00:59:23.000 Where do you think they came from?

00:59:24.000 I think, I mean, just like everything else, it's like you, it's people trying to make sense of a crazy and chaotic world.

00:59:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:34.000 And it's just like, people are just like, that's, I think they just lived in a society where that's, that's what their rulers were like.

00:59:41.000 So that's what Zeus was going to be like.

00:59:43.000 That's what makes people join cults.

00:59:45.000 That's what makes people woke.

00:59:46.000 That's what makes people everything.

00:59:47.000 You want to make sense.

00:59:49.000 You want to put order to things.

00:59:51.000 And I will say, I like Greek mythology because it's really like, it's just interesting.

00:59:56.000 Yeah.

00:59:56.000 Oh, so fascinating.

00:59:57.000 And how many different fucking gods and shit did they have? 1.00

01:00:00.000 How many gods were there? 0.99

01:00:01.000 The main ones, there was 12 main gods of Mount Olympus, but it was like, there's demigods and like half, you know, and like, It's lesser gods and there's like hundreds and it's like it's this thing of like that's what I really like is that Greek mythology it's like you know monotheism it's pretty straightforward it's kind of boring you know what I mean it's like there's one God sometimes you know there's three of you know what I mean the Holy Spirit the Jesus all that kind of shit but it's like polytheism is fucking sick because it's like there's just a God of fucking getting fucked 0.99

01:00:31.000 up It's just a god that's like Dionysus. 1.00

01:00:35.000 He was the god of having a good-ass time. 0.98

01:00:37.000 That guy fucking rules, dude. 0.99

01:00:39.000 That was my guy. 1.00

01:00:40.000 Wow.

01:00:41.000 Yeah, there's like a hunter god.

01:00:42.000 Athena is this interesting, like, she's the goddess of wisdom.

01:00:46.000 Who's the hunter god? 1.00

01:00:48.000 Fuck, what the fuck? 1.00

01:00:49.000 I'm blanking on her. 1.00

01:00:51.000 It's a woman, though. 0.85

01:00:54.000 But there's like, you know, Aries, obviously, Aries, the god of war.

01:00:57.000 They had a lot of badass female gods. 1.00

01:00:59.000 Yeah, Athena, Artemis, that's right.

01:01:01.000 Artemis, in Greek religion, is the goddess of wild animals, the hunt and vegetation, and of chastity and childbirth. 0.83

01:01:10.000 She was identified by the Romans with Diana.

01:01:13.000 Artemis was the daughter of Zeus and Leto.

01:01:16.000 And the twin sister of Apollo.

01:01:18.000 Yeah, that's the other thing. 0.99

01:01:19.000 Zeus fucked like every goddess and just made other goddesses. 1.00

01:01:22.000 And like, Athena, just came out of his head. 1.00

01:01:25.000 So that's the interesting thing.

01:01:26.000 It's like she was all his, the wisdom of God was just like, came out of his head and now it's just all into one lady.

01:01:31.000 It's so fascinating.

01:01:32.000 Have you ever heard of Brian Murrow Rescue in the book called The Immortality Key?

01:01:38.000 No.

01:01:38.000 It's an amazing book.

01:01:40.000 And this guy dedicated like more than a decade of his life to studying ancient Greece and the use of psychedelics in wine.

01:01:48.000 Oh hell yeah.

01:01:49.000 And they've opened up a field of study at Harvard because of this.

01:01:53.000 Because of this guy's work.

01:01:55.000 He's a legitimate scholar and dedicated his time to this.

01:01:59.000 And he's like a straight-edge guy.

01:02:01.000 He doesn't do drugs. 0.98

01:02:02.000 He's got some guys like, dude, what if they were getting fucked up, man? 0.98

01:02:06.000 That's me. 1.00

01:02:07.000 That's the fucking source of it all, bro! 0.99

01:02:10.000 Now this guy's like a legit guy. 0.99

01:02:12.000 Professor Rogan. 1.00

01:02:13.000 I mean, fucking what I heard. 1.00

01:02:15.000 Eddie Bravo told me. 0.99

01:02:19.000 But these guys found these ancient wine vessels that contained psychedelic compounds.

01:02:25.000 So they found residue of ergot and a bunch of other stuff.

01:02:29.000 So when they drank wine, they didn't just drink wine.

01:02:32.000 They were tripping balls. 0.57

01:02:33.000 They drank wine with LSD in it, basically. 0.96

01:02:36.000 I think that's probably...

01:02:37.000 So the guy I was talking about, Dionysus, the god of just... 0.99

01:02:40.000 Getting fucked up. 0.98

01:02:41.000 They would have these huge festivals and they would have huge parties and literally orgies off wine and I'm sure they were drinking. 1.00

01:02:49.000 100%. 0.98

01:02:49.000 Because they're coming up with all these satyrs and they're coming up with wood nymphs and mermaids and all this kind of shit. 0.98

01:02:56.000 And it's like, was it a mermaid or was some guy drinking mushroom wine and he fucked a seal? 1.00

01:03:01.000 He's like, no, no, she was hot. 1.00

01:03:04.000 She was so fucking hot. 1.00

01:03:05.000 It was a goddess, bro. 0.99

01:03:07.000 He just dug a hole in some sand and beat off into it.

01:03:10.000 He was like, yeah.

01:03:11.000 She wasn't much of a kisser. 0.99

01:03:14.000 Fucking along the way. 0.99

01:03:16.000 Yeah, the head wasn't that great. 1.00

01:03:18.000 But the pussy. 1.00

01:03:21.000 They're like, shake dude, that's awesome. 1.00

01:03:23.000 What animal has a human being not tried to fuck? 0.99

01:03:25.000 There is not. 1.00

01:03:26.000 I bet dudes have fucked crocodiles. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Crocodile where? 1.00

01:03:30.000 100% is a guy who fucked a crocodile just to show you he could do it. 1.00

01:03:33.000 Maybe that's true. 1.00

01:03:34.000 One guy just lassoed a crocodile.

01:03:36.000 It doesn't seem very appealing.

01:03:38.000 Held it down, got hard, tied it off with a rope. 1.00

01:03:41.000 His dick like he's doing heroin? 1.00

01:03:43.000 Just to keep it hard? 1.00

01:03:44.000 Just to keep it hard. 1.00

01:03:45.000 Made a homemade cock ring out of fucking animal skins, cinched it down, and fucked that crocodile. 1.00

01:03:51.000 And became the chief of his village. 1.00

01:03:53.000 Yeah, you want to show people you're the boss.

01:03:56.000 Some tribes, they have to kill a lion to show that they've become a man.

01:04:01.000 It's like part of a coming-of-age ritual. 1.00

01:04:04.000 They've got to kill a lion with a fucking spear. 1.00

01:04:07.000 Dude! 1.00

01:04:08.000 Those guys would fuck a crocodile. 1.00

01:04:09.000 Just to show you an ostrich. 1.00

01:04:11.000 You gotta catch an ostrich, and then you gotta fuck it. 1.00

01:04:14.000 Fuck an ostrich pussy? 1.00

01:04:15.000 It's not even a pussy, they got a cloacal. 1.00

01:04:17.000 That's what I was gonna say. 1.00

01:04:18.000 I feel like it's all too spiny. 1.00

01:04:20.000 It's shit and eggs. 1.00

01:04:22.000 It's everything in there. 1.00

01:04:23.000 I'm good, dude.

01:04:24.000 You gotta do it.

01:04:25.000 You gotta show everybody who the boss is. 0.99

01:04:26.000 One time in college, we had a friend who we tried to convince him to fuck a horse. 0.99

01:04:32.000 He was the horniest guy I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

01:04:34.000 He was insane, dude. 0.85

01:04:35.000 I won't put him on blast.

01:04:37.000 I won't give any more details, but if you went to UMBC and you went with me, you know who we're talking about here.

01:04:43.000 He had an old lady who was his neighbor, and she just came over to borrow a cup of sugar. 0.99

01:04:49.000 He was like 17, and he was talking about how he would beat off thinking about fucking this old lady. 1.00

01:04:54.000 He was a fucking lunatic. 1.00

01:04:56.000 And we were like, yo dude, would you fuck an animal? 1.00

01:04:59.000 And he was like, nah, nah, nah. 1.00

01:05:01.000 And then he was like, what kind of animal?

01:05:04.000 And then we were just... 1.00

01:05:05.000 We were clearly just fucking around. 0.95

01:05:07.000 And then we were like, what about... 0.97

01:05:08.000 And then one of our friends lived on a farm.

01:05:10.000 And he was like, we have a horse in my farm. 0.99

01:05:12.000 And the guy was like, I'm not fucking a horse. 1.00

01:05:14.000 And then a minute later, he's like, what does a horse pussy look like? 1.00

01:05:17.000 So then we're just... 1.00

01:05:18.000 We're in the fucking dorms Googling horse pussy on Google Image. 1.00

01:05:23.000 Oh my God. 1.00

01:05:23.000 And honestly, we found a pretty nice pic. 1.00

01:05:26.000 And he was like, hmm.

01:05:27.000 Okay.

01:05:28.000 And then he was like, I don't think so.

01:05:29.000 We're like, what if we give you a hundred bucks?

01:05:30.000 He's like, nah, nah.

01:05:31.000 We're like, what about $400?

01:05:33.000 And he was like...

01:05:34.000 All right, I'll do it. 1.00

01:05:35.000 And then the guy whose horse it was was like, wait, you want to fuck the horse? 1.00

01:05:39.000 He was like, no. 0.99

01:05:39.000 It wasn't even the guy who was going to fuck the horse that backed out. 0.99

01:05:42.000 It was the guy who owned the horse. 0.99

01:05:43.000 Yeah, you don't want that to happen to your horse.

01:05:45.000 The horse will never trust you again.

01:05:47.000 Well, she was on her way out, apparently.

01:05:48.000 It was an old horse.

01:05:49.000 Did you ever see Zoo?

01:05:50.000 The documentary Zoo?

01:05:52.000 No.

01:05:52.000 Zoo is about this community of people that met online.

01:05:56.000 And they found that there's a few states where it's legal to fuck animals. 0.99

01:05:59.000 And one of them was Washington State. 0.99

01:06:01.000 And they all got together, and they met at this place where there's hundreds of hours of footage of them getting fucked by horses. 0.99

01:06:09.000 No! 0.99

01:06:10.000 Yes.

01:06:10.000 And one guy died.

01:06:12.000 Oh, is that Mr. Hands?

01:06:13.000 Mr. Hands.

01:06:14.000 Of course, the legend.

01:06:15.000 Yeah, so that guy died.

01:06:16.000 You've seen the video, right?

01:06:17.000 R.I.P. Mr. Hands, of course.

01:06:18.000 It's one of the greatest videos in the history of the internet.

01:06:20.000 Me and Brian Redman were going back and forth, and he was sending me horrible things, and then he sends me this one that says, I win, and it's Mr. Hands.

01:06:28.000 I was like, this is the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. 0.99

01:06:30.000 Dude, actually, I think that's how the horse... 0.98

01:06:34.000 Conversation started, because I saw that video in college with this group of guys. 1.00

01:06:38.000 It was probably like, well, I wouldn't get fucked by a horse, obviously, but would you fuck a horse's pussy? 1.00

01:06:43.000 And I think that's maybe how we got there. 1.00

01:06:45.000 Oh, God.

01:06:46.000 It's a crazy documentary, because it's sort of a docudrama, right?

01:06:49.000 They kind of recreate stuff.

01:06:51.000 I see.

01:06:52.000 Just for entertainment.

01:06:53.000 It's enough when they do interviews and stuff, and it's enough for you to get a sense of what was going haywire with these humans that they decided that this was their thing.

01:07:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:01.000 People can find a thing.

01:07:02.000 I'm into collecting stamps.

01:07:04.000 They find a thing. 1.00

01:07:06.000 It happens to be a fucking sloth pussy. 1.00

01:07:09.000 Some people just want to get fucked by horses. 1.00

01:07:12.000 That's a thing. 1.00

01:07:12.000 Somebody just wants to suck a koala's dick. 1.00

01:07:15.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:07:16.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

01:07:17.000 But there's people like that out there, for whatever reason. 1.00

01:07:20.000 They want to fuck animals. 1.00

01:07:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:23.000 I mean, that is the closest thing we have to like a Greek slur is like, you know, goat fucker or sheep fucker or something like that. 0.99

01:07:30.000 Well, there had to be a lot of that going on with those herders. 1.00

01:07:32.000 You're out there with no women for fucking months taking care of these sheep. 0.99

01:07:36.000 Come on. 1.00

01:07:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:37.000 You're going to give it a whirl. 1.00

01:07:38.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:07:38.000 You're going to give it a whirl. 1.00

01:07:39.000 They're fluffy.

01:07:40.000 They're cute.

01:07:41.000 Seems the right height, too.

01:07:43.000 Everything's lining up.

01:07:44.000 Like, God meant this for me.

01:07:47.000 Yeah, Zeus did it. 1.00

01:07:49.000 Zeus could fuck sheep. 1.00

01:07:50.000 Why not me? 1.00

01:07:50.000 Why not me, bro? 1.00

01:07:51.000 It's in the Bible.

01:07:52.000 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

01:07:53.000 Look at those fatties. 1.00

01:07:55.000 Yeah, listen.

01:07:56.000 That doesn't look that bad.

01:07:57.000 I guarantee.

01:07:58.000 I guarantee.

01:07:59.000 No ifs, ands, or buts. 1.00

01:08:00.000 Guys that fuck sheep. 1.00

01:08:02.000 Right? 1.00

01:08:02.000 That's 100%. 1.00

01:08:03.000 Oh, dude. 1.00

01:08:04.000 They're fucking sheep right now. 1.00

01:08:05.000 Right now. 1.00

01:08:06.000 So what about a monkey?

01:08:09.000 That's a harder...

01:08:10.000 Too unpredictable.

01:08:10.000 Remember Chappelle's bit?

01:08:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:12.000 He had a great bit about that. 1.00

01:08:14.000 You know how hard it is to fuck a monkey? 1.00

01:08:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:23.000 Oh my god, a monkey would fuck you up. 1.00

01:08:26.000 That's the thing, too unpredictable. 1.00

01:08:28.000 Yeah, too unpredictable.

01:08:29.000 What about a coyote? 0.99

01:08:30.000 Anybody ever fuck a coyote? 1.00

01:08:32.000 Maybe one guy, one hard-ass fucking Texas Ranger back in the day on a bat. 1.00

01:08:36.000 It would need to be two generations of domestication. 1.00

01:08:39.000 No, you lasso them. 1.00

01:08:40.000 You lasso them again?

01:08:41.000 You and the lasso. 1.00

01:08:42.000 The crocodile and the fucking coyote. 1.00

01:08:44.000 They made a lasso for a reason. 1.00

01:08:45.000 The fucking coyotes. 1.00

01:08:46.000 A lot of fucking animals. 1.00

01:08:48.000 You gotta hold on to them. 1.00

01:08:51.000 I guess you're right.

01:08:52.000 Yeah, I never thought of it.

01:08:53.000 Why they invented the lasso?

01:08:54.000 Probably.

01:08:55.000 Ride on one animal and catch the other one with it.

01:08:58.000 100%.

01:08:58.000 Right?

01:08:59.000 And then whether or not you're doing it to fuck it, I think that's more like a bet. 1.00

01:09:02.000 That's up to you. 0.99

01:09:03.000 That's like a bet or to prove a point.

01:09:05.000 I don't think that's like why they invented the lasso.

01:09:07.000 Sure.

01:09:07.000 But I do think it was probably used.

01:09:09.000 It was used, for sure. 0.95

01:09:10.000 In the fucking of all animals in all history, what percentage of them involve lassos? 0.98

01:09:16.000 More than 10. I would say more than... 0.98

01:09:18.000 I don't know, because... 0.99

01:09:20.000 Because you got to think, when the lasso was invented, you could buy some pussy at the saloon. 1.00

01:09:25.000 Well, let's find out when the lasso was invented. 0.99

01:09:27.000 Oh, this is good.

01:09:27.000 We got to get to the bottom of this.

01:09:29.000 Let's take a guess. 0.98

01:09:29.000 And then we just saw those delicious sheep pussies. 0.98

01:09:31.000 Yes. 0.99

01:09:32.000 No lasso needed for those. 0.89

01:09:33.000 Yeah, they'll probably stay...

01:09:34.000 They'll probably push back.

01:09:35.000 You just get them up against a cliff.

01:09:38.000 Isn't that the idea?

01:09:40.000 They would just back them to a cliff.

01:09:41.000 Hey, hey.

01:09:42.000 While you're there.

01:09:43.000 You teach your sheep to throw it back?

01:09:44.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:09:46.000 Exactly.

01:09:46.000 Give them treats.

01:09:49.000 You want a carrot or not?

01:09:50.000 Without question, dude. 1.00

01:09:52.000 You're gonna work for this fucking sugar cube. 1.00

01:09:54.000 For sure! 1.00

01:09:57.000 Sugar cube! 0.97

01:09:58.000 Oh, it's perfect!

01:10:00.000 What's up?

01:10:01.000 You got a guess?

01:10:01.000 Lasso.

01:10:02.000 I'm gonna say 1500s.

01:10:03.000 Lasso.

01:10:04.000 Okay.

01:10:04.000 What do you think?

01:10:05.000 That's probably way earlier than that, because they rode horses before that.

01:10:08.000 Well, that's a problem.

01:10:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:09.000 What are we thinking here?

01:10:10.000 1100s.

01:10:11.000 I'm going to say 1100s.

01:10:12.000 Okay, yeah.

01:10:13.000 What do you say?

01:10:13.000 That makes sense.

01:10:14.000 The steppe, the Turkic people. 0.72

01:10:16.000 Right.

01:10:17.000 It was probably before that.

01:10:18.000 I'll say 1200s.

01:10:21.000 Two answers to this.

01:10:23.000 1280 BC, there's images of a pharaoh holding a lasso, holding onto a bull.

01:10:29.000 But the Huns used... 0.96

01:10:31.000 The Huns, baby.

01:10:32.000 ...lassos to ensnare opponents in hand-to-hand battle.

01:10:35.000 Oh, that makes sense.

01:10:36.000 Yeah.

01:10:37.000 In around 370 AD. Wow.

01:10:40.000 They used it for people first.

01:10:41.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:10:42.000 They probably raped them. 1.00

01:10:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:43.000 They probably did everything. 1.00

01:10:45.000 But those people must have been on horses.

01:10:48.000 Yeah.

01:10:48.000 So if they were on horses, how'd they get the horse?

01:10:50.000 The person using it was on a horse probably and stopped them from running away.

01:10:54.000 Right.

01:10:55.000 Right.

01:10:55.000 But I'm saying, how'd they get the horse in the first place?

01:10:58.000 I think that's probably lassos.

01:11:00.000 Horses were wild.

01:11:02.000 Thinking about it now, a lasso's probably been invented for ancient times.

01:11:06.000 They probably had five or six of them and people held on until they could slow the horse down because they didn't have a horse to ride the lasso.

01:11:13.000 Right, right, right, right.

01:11:15.000 So, going back to our original question, though.

01:11:17.000 Is it really an original question? 0.96

01:11:19.000 I think it was like, how many animals have people fucked? 0.96

01:11:22.000 That was the original question. 0.99

01:11:24.000 The lasso.

01:11:25.000 I think a lasso hasn't been used. 0.99

01:11:27.000 I think most of it, I think most animal fucking is a matter of convenience. 1.00

01:11:31.000 I think most animal fucking is also after murder. 1.00

01:11:34.000 Like, we already killed it. 1.00

01:11:37.000 Now it's definitely not going to push back. 1.00

01:11:39.000 You can't eat the asshole. 1.00

01:11:40.000 It's definitely not going to kick me. 1.00

01:11:42.000 You think someone cleaned it all out, took the steaks off, and just left the ass? 1.00

01:11:46.000 And used it like a little proto-pocket pussy? 1.00

01:11:48.000 If you're trying to fuck a deer and it kicked you, you could get ruined for the rest of your life. 1.00

01:11:53.000 Great point. 1.00

01:11:53.000 You gotta be careful back then. 1.00

01:11:54.000 There's no doctors.

01:11:55.000 There's no doctors.

01:11:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:11:57.000 Like, if you were trying to fuck an animal, you were taking a big risk. 0.99

01:11:59.000 Which respect? 1.00

01:12:00.000 Thinking of it now, respect to the guys in antiquity that were fucking animals. 1.00

01:12:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:04.000 That's a fucking... 1.00

01:12:05.000 Because you got hurt. 1.00

01:12:06.000 Even if you just got scratched.

01:12:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:12:08.000 You can get some horrible staph infection. 0.66

01:12:10.000 Bacteria?

01:12:11.000 Forget about it. 1.00

01:12:12.000 So many fucking people die. 1.00

01:12:13.000 Dustin Poirier is in the hospital right now from a staph infection. 1.00

01:12:17.000 Jesus Christ.

01:12:17.000 Him and Connor are going back and forth about it on Instagram.

01:12:23.000 That's fucking hilarious. 0.99

01:12:24.000 Conor got mad because I said that his piss looked like it could melt the USADA cup, and he said it looks like my piss could melt the USADA cup too. 0.99

01:12:29.000 And he's correct. 0.97

01:12:30.000 Yeah, you're not fighting.

01:12:31.000 Conor, I'm not hating.

01:12:32.000 You look great.

01:12:33.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:12:34.000 And by the way, he does have a legitimate reason for doing whatever the fuck he's doing, even if he's doing nothing. 0.97

01:12:39.000 He broke his leg. 0.97

01:12:40.000 It's a different thing.

01:12:41.000 I had talked to this guy, Derek, from More Plates, More Dates.

01:12:44.000 We were discussing what's involved in trying to heal a broken bone like that.

01:12:49.000 And he's like, it is really hard.

01:12:51.000 And it's very hard for people to come back because that bone always has the potential to be weaker.

01:12:56.000 You've got screws in it now on a plate.

01:12:59.000 He said the only way it makes it better, apparently, is if they put a rod through the entire bone, then it'll actually be stronger.

01:13:06.000 But that could compromise your movement.

01:13:08.000 Totally. 0.98

01:13:09.000 And also, it takes fucking forever to heal. 0.96

01:13:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:13:12.000 So I get it, Connor. 0.98

01:13:13.000 I get it.

01:13:14.000 Yeah, I mean, the thing is...

01:13:15.000 That's Dustin's foot. 0.99

01:13:16.000 Oh, what the fuck? 1.00

01:13:17.000 Staph infection. 1.00

01:13:19.000 Goddamn, dude. 1.00

01:13:19.000 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

01:13:20.000 And apparently, he said it's actually looking worse.

01:13:25.000 Even though they have him on all these antibiotics, he's not responding to it. 1.00

01:13:29.000 I'd rather look at the horse's pussy again. 1.00

01:13:32.000 Staff infections scare the shit out of me. 1.00

01:13:34.000 Take care of your skin, kids. 0.92

01:13:36.000 Get yourself some defense soap.

01:13:38.000 If you're a grappler, in particular, if you do MMA or anything like that, please get yourself some defense soap.

01:13:43.000 It's a natural antibiotic soap.

01:13:47.000 It's probiotic.

01:13:48.000 It's good for the healthy bacteria in your skin, but it kills things like staph and stuff that's going to get you sick.

01:13:55.000 They have a whole bunch of products, but they have soaps, and it's great soap.

01:13:58.000 It's got like tea tree oil and eucalyptus oil.

01:14:00.000 It's all natural.

01:14:01.000 It doesn't fuck up your natural skin flora.

01:14:03.000 But when I learned about that stuff, I'd gotten staph twice.

01:14:07.000 Really? 1.00

01:14:07.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:14:08.000 It's staph scary, man. 1.00

01:14:08.000 I guess because of all the grappling and shit. 1.00

01:14:11.000 Thank God to my friend Tate. 0.99

01:14:12.000 He's the one who pointed it out.

01:14:13.000 I was wearing shorts and he saw my calf and we were at the airport and he goes, what's going on in your calf?

01:14:19.000 I go, it looked like little zits all over the place.

01:14:20.000 I go, nothing.

01:14:21.000 What is it?

01:14:22.000 And he goes, dude, I think that's staph.

01:14:23.000 He caught it early?

01:14:23.000 Right away.

01:14:24.000 Good, damn. 1.00

01:14:25.000 Ari got staph. 1.00

01:14:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:14:27.000 Just having sex? 1.00

01:14:28.000 Yes. 1.00

01:14:29.000 He got it on his penis? 1.00

01:14:30.000 He got it in a parking lot. 1.00

01:14:33.000 No, he had it on his knee.

01:14:35.000 Ari was doing jujitsu for a while.

01:14:36.000 Wow.

01:14:37.000 Hilarious.

01:14:37.000 He got it on his knee and we were playing pool and he was limping around.

01:14:40.000 I go, why are you limping?

01:14:41.000 Playing pool. 1.00

01:14:42.000 He goes, oh, I got a fucking spider bite. 1.00

01:14:44.000 I go, what? 1.00

01:14:45.000 I go, let me see it.

01:14:46.000 He pulls his pants up.

01:14:47.000 I go, dude.

01:14:48.000 Jesus Christ.

01:14:49.000 I unscrewed my cue.

01:14:50.000 I go, we got to go to the hospital right now. 1.00

01:14:51.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:14:52.000 He goes, are you serious? 1.00

01:14:53.000 I go, right now we gotta go to the hospital.

01:14:54.000 I go, that's a staph infection.

01:14:55.000 And it's bad. 0.99

01:14:56.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:14:57.000 It's bad. 0.99

01:14:57.000 And so he immediately had to get on antibiotics. 0.99

01:15:00.000 Jesus Christ.

01:15:01.000 If he didn't know and he let it go, it would've got way worse.

01:15:04.000 And then you can get sepsis, which is like your blood can get poisoned. 1.00

01:15:08.000 Dangerous shit, man. 1.00

01:15:09.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:15:10.000 So imagine those fucking people fucking animals. 1.00

01:15:12.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:15:13.000 Dude, one little ancient fucking sheep hoof bacteria. 1.00

01:15:17.000 Right, and if they bit you, oh, you're done. 1.00

01:15:20.000 You're done. 1.00

01:15:21.000 Whatever fuck they got in their mouth is in your bloodstream now. 1.00

01:15:26.000 Salute to my ancient Greek ancestors, and maybe modern Greek. 1.00

01:15:31.000 Anything you get bit by.

01:15:32.000 I get the worst thing to get bit by is the Komodo dragon, right?

01:15:35.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

01:15:36.000 Because they have like that nasty fucking alien saliva that's got toxins in it. 1.00

01:15:41.000 Paralyzes you and poisons you. 1.00

01:15:42.000 Botulism.

01:15:43.000 They have funk in their mouth and they have a venom.

01:15:46.000 It's like they're just toxic.

01:15:49.000 And then they'll just eat you slowly.

01:15:52.000 They'll swallow you whole.

01:15:54.000 You ever seen them swallow a deer whole? 1.00

01:15:56.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:15:56.000 Dude, you get Komodo dragon- Oh, better yet. 0.99

01:15:59.000 Komodo dragon swallows baboon whole.

01:16:02.000 Oh, hell yeah. 1.00

01:16:02.000 This one's fucked up. 1.00

01:16:03.000 This is awesome. 1.00

01:16:04.000 I love- This thing is chucking back- This thing has got its legs all fucked up and it's chucking them back whole. 0.99

01:16:11.000 Let's watch it. 0.99

01:16:11.000 I love- It's so- They're so scary, man. 0.99

01:16:13.000 This is great. 1.00

01:16:14.000 You go on YMH and I watch gay porn. 1.00

01:16:17.000 And now I go here and I watch a baboon get swallowed whole. 1.00

01:16:21.000 Bro, swallowed whole.

01:16:23.000 The thing is, like, there's a bunch of them when they're swallowing deer, too. 0.98

01:16:27.000 And the deer or the antelope, whatever the fuck it is, it's like three-quarters of the size of their body. 0.97

01:16:32.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

01:16:32.000 It's fucking insane. 0.99

01:16:34.000 It's fucking wild, dude. 1.00

01:16:36.000 This fucking monster. 1.00

01:16:37.000 It's a legitimate modern-day monster. 1.00

01:16:40.000 Look at this motherfucker. 1.00

01:16:41.000 Oh, no! 1.00

01:16:42.000 He's still fucking moving! 1.00

01:16:44.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:16:46.000 So he's got this monkey by the neck.

01:16:48.000 We don't need the music. 0.89

01:16:49.000 He's got this poor monkey by the neck. 1.00

01:16:51.000 This fucker is moving his jaw. 1.00

01:16:52.000 You're fucked, bro. 1.00

01:16:54.000 Yeah, I mean, it's just slowly crushing this monkey's neck and head. 1.00

01:16:58.000 Oh, somebody's left his golf shoes?

01:17:00.000 Look at the size of this thing, man. 0.99

01:17:01.000 Dude, that sucks. 0.99

01:17:02.000 Look at the size of this thing. 0.99

01:17:03.000 And the other one's trying to steal it.

01:17:05.000 Give me a piece, bro.

01:17:07.000 And they're just tailing it, tearing it apart.

01:17:09.000 Oh, no!

01:17:10.000 Okay, this is not the same one.

01:17:12.000 Oh, the tail is moving!

01:17:13.000 He's still alive!

01:17:14.000 He's still alive, man.

01:17:15.000 He's just literally getting pulled apart.

01:17:17.000 He's still alive. 0.98

01:17:18.000 Jesus Christ, that sucks. 0.99

01:17:20.000 I hate that. 1.00

01:17:21.000 They are so scary, dude. 0.61

01:17:22.000 Okay, that looks like a baboon. 1.00

01:17:25.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:17:25.000 That's a baboon. 1.00

01:17:27.000 That poor baboon and his little red nuts. 0.93

01:17:28.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:17:29.000 They're so scary, these fucking things. 1.00

01:17:31.000 They really are. 1.00

01:17:32.000 You know what fucks me up, though, about these videos? 0.92

01:17:34.000 Like, how convenient that you manage to be two feet away while this baboon got ahold of... 1.00

01:17:37.000 Did you push that fucking baboon towards that thing? 1.00

01:17:40.000 They definitely did, right? 1.00

01:17:42.000 They definitely did.

01:17:43.000 Or they just have a camera set up.

01:17:45.000 Look at the saliva, man.

01:17:46.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:17:46.000 The saliva that comes out of their mouth.

01:17:48.000 Look at all that funk. 0.99

01:17:50.000 Oh, they're so gross, man. 1.00

01:17:52.000 That is fucking disgusting. 1.00

01:17:54.000 Yeah, oh my god, his fucking shoulder's all fucked. 1.00

01:17:56.000 Yeah, see this guy filming it up close? 1.00

01:17:58.000 Oh, fuck, dude. 1.00

01:18:00.000 Look at the slime. 1.00

01:18:01.000 Truly disgusting. 0.54

01:18:02.000 The slime leaking out of his mouth. 0.98

01:18:04.000 Yeah.

01:18:04.000 Bro, look at that thing!

01:18:05.000 He's getting in his kayak! 1.00

01:18:06.000 Oh, dude, you're so fucked. 1.00

01:18:09.000 You are so fucked. 1.00

01:18:10.000 That thing's climbing in the kayak with you? 1.00

01:18:12.000 They're only in that little island, right?

01:18:14.000 Yeah.

01:18:14.000 Okay.

01:18:15.000 I think there's a couple islands.

01:18:16.000 Is there more than one island or just that one?

01:18:18.000 There's a couple islands in that area that have that.

01:18:20.000 How many different islands have the Komodo dragon on them?

01:18:23.000 I thought they were just in one.

01:18:24.000 Yeah, I think primarily in one.

01:18:26.000 But yeah, they definitely look like, they feel like a monster.

01:18:29.000 They're the biggest, there's a thing called island dwarfism, where like elephants, when they come out of place, they get small.

01:18:35.000 Oh, here it is.

01:18:36.000 Few Indonesian islands of the lesser Sunda group, including Rincha, Padar, and Flores, and of course the island of Komodo, the largest, 22 miles long.

01:18:47.000 They have not been seen on the island of Padar since the 1970s.

01:18:51.000 That island of Flores is where those hobbit people live. 1.00

01:18:54.000 Oh, really?

01:18:55.000 The little other ones?

01:18:55.000 Yeah, those little tiny people used to live.

01:18:56.000 Oh, are they the ones that killed a missionary or whatever the fuck? 0.99

01:19:02.000 No, I don't know. 0.99

01:19:03.000 Did they?

01:19:03.000 Is that a story?

01:19:04.000 No, it's the Sentinel Island people.

01:19:05.000 Oh, you're thinking of North Sentinel Island.

01:19:07.000 No, that's in the Indian Ocean.

01:19:08.000 Oh, okay.

01:19:09.000 That's the people that lived alongside of human beings like 100,000 years ago. 0.99

01:19:14.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:19:14.000 And they're these little tiny people that were like three feet tall. 0.99

01:19:17.000 Damn hell yeah. 1.00

01:19:18.000 And they had tools and weapons and shit. 1.00

01:19:19.000 They were just little hobbits. 1.00

01:19:21.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:19:21.000 So that's that island dwarfism thing. 1.00

01:19:23.000 In islands, for whatever reason, I guess because there's limited resources, elephants get smaller, mammals get smaller, deer get smaller, but lizards get bigger.

01:19:33.000 Whoa, that sucks. 0.99

01:19:34.000 That sucks. 1.00

01:19:36.000 That has to keep the population in check. 1.00

01:19:39.000 So that's why the island of Komodo has these fucking things with the biggest lizards on earth on an island. 1.00

01:19:46.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:19:47.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:19:48.000 Get the lizards out of there. 1.00

01:19:49.000 Go in there. 0.99

01:19:50.000 You get to feel fucking tall. 0.98

01:19:51.000 Stranded divers had to fight off Komodo dragons to survive. 0.98

01:19:54.000 Oh my god!

01:19:56.000 The divers who went missing off Indonesia were forced to beat off deadly Komodo dragons with the lead weights of their diving belts as they were repeatedly attacked.

01:20:04.000 One of the survivors disclosed last night, Can you imagine all you got is the weights on your diving belt and you have to whack a Komodo dragon with it?

01:20:12.000 What does it say here?

01:20:14.000 They spent 10 hours stuck in shark-infested waters.

01:20:17.000 Oh my god!

01:20:19.000 Oh my god, have been swept away and spun around for 10 hours in shark-infested waters.

01:20:23.000 They reached the beach on a remote island at nightfall, only to find it was inhabited by Komodo dragons, the world's largest and most deadly lizards.

01:20:31.000 Well, at least we'll get a nice night's rest on this island.

01:20:33.000 This is a great movie.

01:20:34.000 Did all of them live?

01:20:35.000 There was a woman with them? 0.97

01:20:36.000 A Swedish woman who was with the group told how she fought off a terrifying reptile three times with her weight belt!

01:20:42.000 Jesus Christ.

01:20:43.000 Used by divers to maintain their buoyancy underwater, the 10-foot carnivorous predator came within inches of biting her bare feet. 1.00

01:20:50.000 It chewed on the lead in the belt before finally retreating as the divers threw rocks at its head. 0.99

01:20:56.000 Goddamn, dude. 0.99

01:20:57.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:20:58.000 I tried to have a go at my feet.

01:21:00.000 Oh, my God.

01:21:02.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:21:03.000 Holy fuck, dude. 1.00

01:21:04.000 Jesus Christ, dude. 1.00

01:21:05.000 Yeah, I'm fucked. 1.00

01:21:06.000 Those things are so scary. 1.00

01:21:08.000 There's so many animals on this planet that just don't give a fuck about people and that are ready to eat you. 1.00

01:21:14.000 Yeah, I'm a fucking city motherfucker. 1.00

01:21:17.000 I'm scared. 1.00

01:21:18.000 I like going on a hike, but I don't want to be alone with any kind of fucking scary-ass animal. 0.99

01:21:22.000 Have you seen the video of that crocodile that has a human body in its mouth and it's swimming underneath this bridge? 0.99

01:21:28.000 No!

01:21:28.000 It literally brings it up to these people and shows it to them.

01:21:32.000 I'm like, fuck you motherfuckers. 1.00

01:21:33.000 Like literally. 1.00

01:21:34.000 You're next.

01:21:34.000 It's like, I think he's trying to show it to us.

01:21:37.000 God damn, dude. 0.99

01:21:37.000 Like the crocodile swims up to where these people are with a person in its mouth. 0.99

01:21:41.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:21:42.000 It's like, this could be you, bitch. 1.00

01:21:43.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:21:44.000 It is wild. 1.00

01:21:45.000 These guys are in a boat, and the crocodile, for no reason at all, swims towards them with a human in its mouth.

01:21:51.000 Huge flex on the crocodile part.

01:21:53.000 Huge flex.

01:21:54.000 Huge flex.

01:21:54.000 I'd like to do this to you.

01:21:56.000 I know you're in the boat.

01:21:56.000 You guys are up.

01:21:57.000 Humanity's up a million to one on animals, but here's one.

01:22:01.000 I scored a touchdown.

01:22:02.000 Anybody feeling blue?

01:22:03.000 Want to go for a dip?

01:22:05.000 Want to end it all right now?

01:22:06.000 Look at this.

01:22:07.000 Your team is losing, but you have a sick dunk.

01:22:09.000 So look, these guys are by this bridge.

01:22:11.000 This is one of two videos that I'm aware of.

01:22:14.000 But in this one, the crocodile is swimming with this human body.

01:22:18.000 Oh my god!

01:22:20.000 Swimming up to the people with this human body.

01:22:23.000 Look, he's showing it to them. 1.00

01:22:24.000 That fucking sucks. 1.00

01:22:24.000 He's looking up at them, and as the bridge goes, he goes. 1.00

01:22:29.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

01:22:29.000 So he's going down the bridge like he's on a fucking runway. 0.99

01:22:32.000 On a stroll, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:22:32.000 He's displaying his trophy to all these people. 0.99

01:22:35.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:22:35.000 He's letting them know that he killed a person. 1.00

01:22:38.000 It's like, you motherfuckers could be next. 1.00

01:22:39.000 That's a big fucking crime, too. 1.00

01:22:41.000 Bro, look at that guy. 1.00

01:22:41.000 Look at that poor guy, face down. 1.00

01:22:44.000 That was someone's son.

01:22:45.000 That was someone's baby boy.

01:22:47.000 They didn't eat him? 1.00

01:22:47.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:22:48.000 They'll eat him eventually. 1.00

01:22:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:22:49.000 But look what he's doing.

01:22:50.000 Look at the size of that thing. 1.00

01:22:51.000 Damn. 1.00

01:22:53.000 Goddamn swimming dinosaur. 1.00

01:22:54.000 Poor guy. 1.00

01:22:55.000 And we're so weird, because if crocodiles could kill all of us, if we kill crocodiles and they go, hey, we just kill all the people, then we don't have to worry about people anymore. 0.99

01:23:03.000 They'd be like, yeah, let's kill the people. 0.97

01:23:04.000 But with us, we're like, you gotta keep them alive. 0.96

01:23:06.000 They're a part of the ecosystem.

01:23:08.000 If I lived there, I would be like the punisher for crocodiles. 1.00

01:23:12.000 I would dedicate my every fucking day to killing crocodiles. 1.00

01:23:17.000 I would just go out there with a fucking spotlight and a shotgun. 1.00

01:23:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:23:21.000 And I'd just be murking them.

01:23:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:22.000 Everywhere I went, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you. 1.00

01:23:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:28.000 And then some little bird that they eat just overruns the island, but fuck it, dude. 1.00

01:23:31.000 Fine. 1.00

01:23:32.000 You got the Crocs.

01:23:33.000 Who cares? 1.00

01:23:33.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:23:34.000 I'll kill the little birds. 1.00

01:23:36.000 Yeah, take some photos of them, stuff a few dead ones, and let's end this experiment. 1.00

01:23:41.000 This fucking blows. 1.00

01:23:43.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:23:44.000 Why do we keep things around that'll kill us? 1.00

01:23:47.000 The Komodos, truly, they can go. 1.00

01:23:50.000 Yeah, they can suck my dick. 1.00

01:23:52.000 I don't fuck with those guys at all. 1.00

01:23:53.000 Get the fuck out of here, you slime-mouthed monsters swallowing baboons whole. 1.00

01:23:58.000 Show them a video of it swallowing a deer whole. 1.00

01:24:02.000 Because this is what you've got to see.

01:24:03.000 You've got to see how they can just chuck back. 0.99

01:24:06.000 No, I truly don't fuck with those things. 0.99

01:24:09.000 I mean, it's so big. 0.99

01:24:11.000 You watch how big this thing is at its walls.

01:24:13.000 It doesn't even make sense. 1.00

01:24:15.000 Dude, yeah, it's fucked up. 0.99

01:24:16.000 No. 1.00

01:24:16.000 No, this poor fucking guy. 1.00

01:24:19.000 Oh, no! 1.00

01:24:21.000 Does this swallow it?

01:24:22.000 No, they're eating this deer alive. 1.00

01:24:25.000 That's fucking atrocious. 1.00

01:24:26.000 This is awful. 1.00

01:24:27.000 This is awful. 1.00

01:24:28.000 Look at its cute little fucking eyes! 1.00

01:24:30.000 Google Komodo. 1.00

01:24:32.000 Jesus, Jamie, what are you trying to do to me?

01:24:36.000 Google Komodo dragon swallows deer hole. 1.00

01:24:40.000 Oh my fucking god, dude. 0.99

01:24:42.000 Well, people who like that with bears, I mean, bears are not much different. 1.00

01:24:46.000 They're less likely to kill you, but when they do, it's just like that.

01:24:50.000 Yeah. 0.81

01:24:50.000 Horrific. 0.81

01:24:51.000 So here it is.

01:24:53.000 Oh no.

01:24:56.000 Okay, so it's got this deer.

01:24:57.000 I mean, it's still a hole.

01:24:58.000 Oh my god.

01:24:58.000 See, that thing's already dead.

01:25:00.000 It's like a snake with a mouse.

01:25:02.000 Yeah.

01:25:02.000 Look how it does it, though.

01:25:03.000 It's even quicker than a snake, though.

01:25:05.000 Because it just- Jesus Christ.

01:25:06.000 Clamps it down, throws it back.

01:25:08.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:25:08.000 How disgusting the fucking stomach of that motherfucker is. 1.00

01:25:10.000 Look at the size of that thing. 1.00

01:25:12.000 I mean, it ate something that was probably a third of the size of its body.

01:25:15.000 Yeah.

01:25:15.000 And it's walking around right now with the hooves sticking out the front of his mouth because he can't quite swallow it all down.

01:25:21.000 Zero gag reflex.

01:25:23.000 Eat up to 80% of its body size?

01:25:26.000 Jesus Christ!

01:25:27.000 80% of its body size.

01:25:29.000 Look at it.

01:25:29.000 It doesn't even look fat.

01:25:31.000 Nah, dude.

01:25:31.000 That's a lean guy.

01:25:32.000 It just ate a whole deer. 1.00

01:25:33.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:25:34.000 And he's walking away. 1.00

01:25:36.000 But he's got a deer in his gut and now he's looking to eat more. 0.98

01:25:39.000 Dude, what a creep. 1.00

01:25:40.000 Look at that fucking creep. 1.00

01:25:41.000 I fucking hate that thing. 1.00

01:25:43.000 It's so scary that that lives alongside of us in 2022. Yeah. 0.99

01:25:48.000 That we're just out here.

01:25:49.000 Giving a little island.

01:25:50.000 We only think of what we see.

01:25:52.000 Yeah.

01:25:52.000 We really do.

01:25:53.000 Which I like. 0.99

01:25:53.000 We see birds and squirrels and shit. 0.99

01:25:54.000 I like. 0.99

01:25:54.000 I don't need to know more. 0.99

01:25:56.000 I like being dumb as shit and having a good time. 1.00

01:25:58.000 Let me see my little squirrels. 1.00

01:26:00.000 Let me see something cute.

01:26:01.000 You say you do, but you know too much.

01:26:02.000 I know.

01:26:03.000 You know too much for that to be accurate.

01:26:05.000 I'm forgetting. 0.98

01:26:05.000 I'm getting dumber every day. 0.98

01:26:06.000 I've spent the last 12 years of my life. 0.98

01:26:08.000 I was kind of smart, and then I've been doing stand-up for 14 years. 0.98

01:26:12.000 It's all dick jokes. 0.96

01:26:14.000 That's all I know now. 0.99

01:26:16.000 Yeah, but that's smart.

01:26:16.000 It's hard to do.

01:26:17.000 Smart people can't do it.

01:26:18.000 A lot of smart people that can't figure out how to do comedy.

01:26:21.000 Sure, it's a skill.

01:26:23.000 Definitely it's a skill, but it's a very special skill. 0.99

01:26:25.000 For a very specific type of fucked up personality. 0.99

01:26:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:26:29.000 And it's like most janitors are more useful to the world than me.

01:26:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:34.000 Not true.

01:26:35.000 Not true. 1.00

01:26:36.000 You're a funny motherfucker. 1.00

01:26:37.000 You provide people with a good feeling. 1.00

01:26:38.000 That's super valuable.

01:26:40.000 The good feeling is something, for sure. 0.99

01:26:41.000 It's fucking everything, man. 0.99

01:26:43.000 Going to a nightclub. 1.00

01:26:45.000 I've done a lot of shit. 0.99

01:26:47.000 A lot of fun stuff. 0.99

01:26:48.000 But going to a nightclub and just making 250 people have a good time is one of the best things on earth.

01:26:53.000 It is the best. 0.98

01:26:54.000 I mean, that's been the fucking... 0.97

01:26:55.000 I mean, this tour has been really nice. 0.98

01:26:57.000 I mean, I got really lucky.

01:26:58.000 I put my special out.

01:26:59.000 And a lot more people started coming out.

01:27:01.000 That's awesome.

01:27:02.000 You do the YouTube route.

01:27:04.000 YouTube route.

01:27:04.000 Live at the Lodge Room.

01:27:05.000 Go watch it, everybody.

01:27:06.000 Live at the Lodge Room.

01:27:08.000 It went fun.

01:27:08.000 It did really great.

01:27:09.000 I mean, I saw Sam did it.

01:27:10.000 Shane did it.

01:27:11.000 Yeah.

01:27:12.000 Ari's now 4.7 million.

01:27:14.000 Yeah.

01:27:15.000 He's closing it on five.

01:27:16.000 Yeah.

01:27:16.000 He says when he hits six, Kanye's going to apologize.

01:27:22.000 I'm so embarrassed that we were joking around back and forth in text, and I didn't even get the reference.

01:27:27.000 I was saying, dude, I think your special's gonna hit eight million.

01:27:30.000 He goes, no, I think it'll stop at six.

01:27:32.000 And I didn't even think he's saying the Holocaust.

01:27:35.000 I was like, no, you're selling yourself short. 1.00

01:27:38.000 Idiot. 1.00

01:27:39.000 I'm such a fucking moron. 1.00

01:27:41.000 I was thinking like a supportive friend and not like a Canadian. 1.00

01:27:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:27:45.000 But I'm so pumped for him.

01:27:47.000 No, it's awesome.

01:27:48.000 It's really good, man.

01:27:49.000 Yeah.

01:27:49.000 Ari Shfierd Jew, available now on YouTube.

01:27:51.000 And so it's been really great, and the tour has been really fun.

01:27:54.000 As much as the road can be hard, you're right.

01:27:57.000 The actual onstage is the best thing.

01:27:59.000 It's the best.

01:28:00.000 It's the best feeling in the world.

01:28:01.000 It's the best.

01:28:01.000 And, you know, arenas are great.

01:28:03.000 Theaters are great.

01:28:04.000 Everything's great.

01:28:05.000 It's all great.

01:28:05.000 And comedy clubs are just as great.

01:28:07.000 I mean, if I only did a 200-seat room for the rest of my life, it's the fucking best job on earth. 0.94

01:28:12.000 It really is the best thing to do. 0.81

01:28:14.000 I'm really excited because I'm trying theaters next year, and it's going well.

01:28:18.000 We're selling the Fat Rascal Tour. 0.99

01:28:20.000 Go fucking buy your tickets. 0.99

01:28:21.000 I'm all over the place. 1.00

01:28:23.000 But I have Vermont Comedy Club coming up this week, this next weekend.

01:28:27.000 I heard that's a great spot.

01:28:28.000 Great spot, dude. 0.99

01:28:29.000 And it's like, I'm happy because we booked it before my shit blew up. 0.97

01:28:33.000 So it's like, I would have probably played a bigger room, but I'm like, part of me is like, dude, it'll be fun. 0.98

01:28:38.000 I love a little room.

01:28:38.000 I opened for Bobby there.

01:28:39.000 I have great memories there.

01:28:41.000 I hooked up with a girl outside there.

01:28:44.000 I eat dumplings there. 1.00

01:28:46.000 It was a great little fucking weekend. 0.99

01:28:47.000 I can't wait to go back. 0.99

01:28:50.000 Comedy clubs like that are great.

01:28:52.000 Especially when there's no other comedy clubs around.

01:28:54.000 So they're really comedy fans that really appreciate it.

01:28:57.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:28:58.000 It'll be super fun.

01:29:00.000 Burlington's a fun little town, too.

01:29:01.000 I love Burlington. 0.99

01:29:02.000 It's cold as fuck. 0.99

01:29:03.000 That's what keeps people from moving there. 0.99

01:29:05.000 Because in the wintertime, it gets rough.

01:29:07.000 Oh, I can imagine.

01:29:09.000 Vermont gets rough. 0.99

01:29:11.000 I'm hoping there's no fucking snowstorm. 0.99

01:29:13.000 It's just kind of cute and cold. 0.98

01:29:15.000 Yeah, but the thing is, people look out for each other when it gets rough.

01:29:17.000 It's a different kind of people.

01:29:19.000 If your car gets stranded in Maine, people look out for you.

01:29:22.000 I get that.

01:29:23.000 They'll come help you, get you over the side of the road, give you a ride somewhere.

01:29:26.000 They help people.

01:29:27.000 Whenever a car's broken down on the highway in the snow in the Northeast, you'll see other cars pull over.

01:29:32.000 For sure.

01:29:32.000 Some guy in a four-wheel drive will pull over.

01:29:34.000 You guys okay?

01:29:34.000 Yeah.

01:29:35.000 They don't do shit like that in LA. No, fuck no. 1.00

01:29:38.000 They're like, Like, oh, hopefully that guy's up for the same audition and he's not going to make it. 1.00

01:29:42.000 They'll cut your brake lines between you and him for a Geico commercial.

01:29:47.000 They'll wait for you to get a tow truck and they'll steal your catalytic converter.

01:29:52.000 It's just too many people.

01:29:54.000 And you have a few people and then they have to conquer the winter.

01:29:57.000 Together.

01:29:58.000 Together, you gotta help the old lady shove herself out of the driveway. 1.00

01:30:01.000 Of course.

01:30:02.000 It's cute. 1.00

01:30:03.000 No, I fuck with Burlington big time. 1.00

01:30:05.000 I love it up there. 0.99

01:30:06.000 I haven't been there in fucking years, but I used to do gigs there all the time, back in the early days of comedy. 0.63

01:30:11.000 For sure, when you're going a few hours from your city. 0.97

01:30:14.000 Yeah, we used to do those.

01:30:15.000 I used to do Bangor, Maine a lot.

01:30:17.000 That was a lot of fun.

01:30:18.000 That's where Stephen King lived.

01:30:20.000 You could go by his house.

01:30:21.000 We're standing outside Stephen King's house.

01:30:23.000 He's like, I get it.

01:30:24.000 This is my house.

01:30:25.000 But it's like, it's so obviously his house.

01:30:27.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:30:27.000 There's like bats and shit in the wrought iron metal around the house. 0.99

01:30:33.000 He's not hiding it at all. 0.99

01:30:34.000 Leaning into it.

01:30:35.000 And he's in the middle.

01:30:36.000 It's like right there.

01:30:37.000 It's like you could throw a rock and hit his house from the street. 1.00

01:30:39.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

01:30:40.000 And I'm like, this is, he's a crazy... 1.00

01:30:41.000 And everyone just gets it. 0.97

01:30:42.000 Yeah.

01:30:42.000 Stephen King lives here.

01:30:43.000 Well, it was also like, it's a point of pride.

01:30:46.000 Like you got a guy who's like one of the, if not the greatest horror writer of all time.

01:30:50.000 For sure.

01:30:51.000 Look at, that's his house.

01:30:52.000 Oh, hell yeah.

01:30:53.000 That does look haunted for sure. 1.00

01:30:54.000 Bro, he wrote some wild shit in that house. 1.00

01:30:57.000 There are some spirits in that little fucking steeple looking thing. 1.00

01:30:59.000 Yeah, he wrote some wild shit in that house. 0.99

01:31:02.000 Yeah, I didn't do too many gigs. 0.97

01:31:04.000 I would do some Northeast stuff because I used to open for Bobby for years, Bobby Kelly.

01:31:08.000 That's my guy.

01:31:09.000 I love Bobby.

01:31:10.000 Bobby and I started out together.

01:31:12.000 Really? 1.00

01:31:13.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:31:13.000 I used to work with Bobby when he was on with Al and the Monkees. 1.00

01:31:17.000 The fucking weird little improv troupe? 0.99

01:31:19.000 Yes. 1.00

01:31:19.000 I didn't know that. 1.00

01:31:20.000 That's awesome.

01:31:21.000 They opened for me at Dick Daugherty's Comedy Hut.

01:31:25.000 And it was Al would go, Al Delbeni went up, and then Bobby would go up, and then Dane would go up.

01:31:31.000 And they would do sketches, and then they would all do like five minutes of stand-up, and then I would headline.

01:31:36.000 Interesting.

01:31:37.000 We did a few gigs like that.

01:31:38.000 That's awesome.

01:31:38.000 Yeah, I love Bobby.

01:31:40.000 I've always loved Bobby.

01:31:40.000 Oh, he's the man.

01:31:41.000 But yeah, he took me to Vermont, you know, Boston a bunch of times. 0.99

01:31:46.000 Took me to that fucking weird Chinese restaurant that used to do shit, the Kowloon. 0.99

01:31:49.000 Oh yeah, the Kowloon's great. 0.99

01:31:51.000 I did a lot.

01:31:52.000 I was there when it opened.

01:31:53.000 Yeah, I did a lot of gigs at the Kowloon.

01:31:56.000 And then there's Giggles.

01:31:56.000 You ever do Giggles and Saugas?

01:31:58.000 Never did Giggles. 0.67

01:31:59.000 That's a great club.

01:32:00.000 Never did Giggles. 0.67

01:32:00.000 That's a great club. 0.67

01:32:01.000 That's my friend Mike Clark's club.

01:32:03.000 That's Lenny Clark's brother.

01:32:04.000 Okay, nice.

01:32:05.000 Yeah.

01:32:06.000 I worked with Lenny Clark the second time I ever got paid.

01:32:08.000 I opened up for Lenny Clark.

01:32:10.000 It was like the greatest thing ever.

01:32:11.000 He had been on HBO and the Rodney Dangerfield special.

01:32:13.000 The local legends, dude.

01:32:14.000 Oh my god, he was the guy.

01:32:16.000 Those first paid gigs are awesome.

01:32:18.000 I remember the first time I ever made money.

01:32:20.000 I grew up in Baltimore.

01:32:21.000 I started doing comedy. 0.99

01:32:22.000 I did this fucking bringer, right? 0.99

01:32:23.000 I'm 19 and I bring all my friends. 0.99

01:32:26.000 And I fucking, you know, do pretty good because all your friends are there. 0.89

01:32:29.000 And some guy sees me and he's like... 0.98

01:32:31.000 I think you really got something, kid.

01:32:33.000 And I'm like, oh, really, sir? 0.99

01:32:35.000 You know, he's just some fucking guy that runs a shitty gig in southwest Virginia, right? 0.99

01:32:40.000 Five hours away from Baltimore. 1.00

01:32:42.000 Pays $50. 1.00

01:32:44.000 I spent more money on gas than to do the fucking gig. 0.99

01:32:48.000 But I bring my boys. 0.99

01:32:49.000 I'm so pumped.

01:32:50.000 And I'm like, he thinks I'm...

01:32:51.000 I'm calling the girl I'm dating. 0.94

01:32:52.000 I'm like, I think I'm going to fucking be famous anymore. 0.90

01:32:55.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

01:32:56.000 I think it's finally happening. 1.00

01:32:58.000 And I saw that guy years later, and I fucking ate my dick. 1.00

01:33:02.000 I didn't do well. 1.00

01:33:03.000 I was fucking horrible. 0.98

01:33:05.000 And I saw that guy years later, and he's like, yeah, dude. 0.99

01:33:09.000 He was like, fuck, I thought you were going to bring more people. 0.95

01:33:12.000 I mean, you brought so many people to the contest. 0.99

01:33:14.000 I was crestfallen.

01:33:16.000 I was like, what?

01:33:17.000 You didn't see potential in me?

01:33:22.000 I mean, I was doing jokes like, I mean, I need to lose some weight. 0.99

01:33:25.000 I can't even wipe my own ass. 1.00

01:33:27.000 Like, just 19-year-old fucking brutal stuff. 1.00

01:33:34.000 But those gigs where you get a gig out of town, and you're not really qualified to do it, and you're not even at a comedy club, you're at some weird bar, those teach you. 0.98

01:33:41.000 They're smoking cigarettes indoors at that point.

01:33:45.000 But those teach you about comedy, man.

01:33:46.000 Well, not only do they teach me about comedy, they tell me about life.

01:33:48.000 The end of the story is I come back and I drove with my friends, right?

01:33:53.000 I brought two friends with me.

01:33:55.000 It was like a fun time.

01:33:56.000 We're like, whoa, Stav's got a gig.

01:33:58.000 My two best friends.

01:33:59.000 We stop on the way back.

01:34:01.000 We go to an IHOP, right?

01:34:02.000 It's like 1 a.m.

01:34:04.000 I order...

01:34:05.000 In a Virginia IHOP, at 1am, I order ribs. 1.00

01:34:09.000 I order fucking ribs. 1.00

01:34:11.000 And they come out, and my friends are like, you don't want fucking eggs and pancakes? 1.00

01:34:16.000 I'm like, nah, I kind of feel like ribs. 1.00

01:34:18.000 The shit comes out, it's gray. 0.99

01:34:21.000 It's just like a slab of... 1.00

01:34:22.000 Boiled ribs.

01:34:23.000 Just, dude, microwaved, probably. 1.00

01:34:25.000 And I'm like, ah, fuck it. 1.00

01:34:26.000 You know, whatever. 1.00

01:34:27.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

01:34:28.000 And I eat it, and I'm driving, and I'm like, oh... 0.99

01:34:32.000 Hey, does somebody else want to drive?

01:34:33.000 And it's like, and they're like, okay.

01:34:36.000 And then I'm sitting in the, and then like five minutes later, I'm like, can you guys pull over?

01:34:39.000 I just start throwing up everywhere. 0.97

01:34:42.000 I'm in fucking the fetal position for two hours back home. 0.99

01:34:45.000 They dropped me off at my house in Baltimore. 1.00

01:34:47.000 I am just shitting and throwing up at the exact same time. 0.90

01:34:50.000 And that's my first ever paid gig. 0.96

01:34:52.000 I was like, I did it, baby. 0.98

01:34:53.000 I did come into getting ribs from IHOP and fucking Nice. 0.95

01:34:58.000 It was a brutal, you know, a tough learning experience. 0.97

01:35:01.000 That's hilarious. 0.97

01:35:03.000 I fucking remember very clearly those gigs. 0.88

01:35:06.000 Those are some of the most important gigs ever when you just go to some weird bar and you have to get everybody's attention. 0.97

01:35:11.000 You learn how to deliver your jokes quicker.

01:35:14.000 Fully.

01:35:14.000 Yeah, you learn how to keep people's attention span, and there were so many of them.

01:35:19.000 You could actually make a living being nobody.

01:35:22.000 Like back then, you'd make like 50 a set, 100 a set, and you could do five, six, seven sets a week.

01:35:27.000 You'd have money!

01:35:28.000 No, I remember I quit my job, because that was starting to happen to me in Baltimore, and what had happened was I just lined up every gig possible in the first three months, and I was like, well, I can make a living, and then I was like, oh no, I just did every gig for the year.

01:35:41.000 So now I'm like back at the...

01:35:42.000 I worked at a Sherwin-Williams my last year in Baltimore, but that was fun, too. 0.99

01:35:45.000 Working at a paint store, fucking... 0.99

01:35:47.000 But it is true, everywhere you go... 1.00

01:35:49.000 That's important, too. 0.99

01:35:50.000 Those shitty jobs? 0.99

01:35:51.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:35:51.000 Shitty jobs are very important as a human being. 0.99

01:35:54.000 You need to know that you don't want to do something.

01:35:57.000 100%.

01:35:57.000 My last real gig, I was a paralegal.

01:36:01.000 And I didn't really know what the law firm...

01:36:04.000 It was just right before I needed to move to New York.

01:36:06.000 And my friend was doing it.

01:36:07.000 And this was right in the middle of the housing crisis. 0.99

01:36:10.000 And I get there, and it's a fucking foreclosure law firm. 0.99

01:36:12.000 And I'm like, I don't want to fucking be a part of this. 0.98

01:36:15.000 I don't want to take people's homes because of the housing crisis. 0.99

01:36:18.000 So I just decided, I was like, fuck it, I'm just not going to do any work. 0.98

01:36:21.000 I get hired in July. 0.99

01:36:22.000 They train me for August.

01:36:23.000 September rolls around.

01:36:24.000 I'm like... 0.97

01:36:25.000 I'm just not really gonna do shit. 0.99

01:36:27.000 I'm gonna fucking work on comedy. 0.99

01:36:28.000 I'm on Facebook Messenger. 0.99

01:36:30.000 I'm gonna write jokes.

01:36:31.000 You know what I mean?

01:36:32.000 And I'm thinking I'll get like a month, two months out of this. 0.98

01:36:35.000 They don't fire me for fucking eight months. 0.98

01:36:38.000 And I'm just in there like my boss would walk by and I would hit the fucking mouse and my login screen would show up. 0.99

01:36:44.000 Like I wasn't even logged into the computer to fake work. 0.98

01:36:46.000 And I was like, I can't, I'm just taking two hour lunches.

01:36:49.000 I'm pushing it at this point. 0.97

01:36:50.000 And I'm just like, how the fuck is this still happening? 0.99

01:36:53.000 And they fucking call me into the office. 0.99

01:36:56.000 Finally, one day they call me in. 0.99

01:36:58.000 And they're like, okay, so we want to talk.

01:37:02.000 My boss would be like, hey, do you want to, like, do some work?

01:37:05.000 You know, because everyone loved me because I'm not doing work.

01:37:08.000 I'm hanging around like, Linda, what's up?

01:37:10.000 Like, how's the baby?

01:37:11.000 Like, I'm the king of the office, dude. 0.96

01:37:13.000 I'm just having a good ass time. 0.57

01:37:15.000 And everyone loved me. 0.98

01:37:16.000 And I was doing good for the, I think I was moving women's issues forward because I was the shittiest employee and I was the only man. 1.00

01:37:24.000 I was the only fucking college educated man. 1.00

01:37:27.000 I was clearly the fucking biggest piece of shit employee. 1.00

01:37:30.000 I was building the glass ceiling above my head, I feel like. 1.00

01:37:35.000 And so they call me in.

01:37:37.000 They're finally like, hey, so we were running some numbers.

01:37:41.000 Apparently they just didn't want to pay unemployment insurance.

01:37:43.000 And so they were just tracking me for months.

01:37:45.000 And they had like...

01:37:47.000 They were just like reading me everything that I had done wrong.

01:37:50.000 And they're like, so you've...

01:37:52.000 And this was like a factory thing where every time you did anything, you had to click off a step is what they called it.

01:37:56.000 So you would schedule a hearing, click off a step.

01:38:00.000 You would email a lawyer, click off a step, right?

01:38:02.000 Because they wanted to track you.

01:38:03.000 And they're like, so we were looking at your steps the last couple of months.

01:38:06.000 And people in your department, they usually average about 3,000 steps a month.

01:38:10.000 We were looking at you.

01:38:11.000 You did about 300 steps.

01:38:13.000 I was like...

01:38:14.000 They track your steps?

01:38:15.000 They do.

01:38:16.000 They track everything you do. 0.99

01:38:17.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.98

01:38:18.000 And they were like, so how do you explain that? 0.99

01:38:20.000 I was like, ah, you know, I got nothing.

01:38:23.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:24.000 I don't know what to tell you.

01:38:25.000 What are they using to track your steps?

01:38:26.000 There's some software where every time you did anything, you would have to check it off to prove that you're a good employee.

01:38:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:33.000 Oh, track your steps in terms of your motions on a computer.

01:38:36.000 Yeah, no, not on some Amazon...

01:38:37.000 I thought you were saying like walking.

01:38:39.000 No, no, no.

01:38:39.000 Not Amazon.

01:38:40.000 I was like, what?

01:38:41.000 We weren't there yet.

01:38:41.000 No, no.

01:38:42.000 It was just like, how hard are you working?

01:38:44.000 I'm confused.

01:38:45.000 No, no, no.

01:38:45.000 I blame the marijuana.

01:38:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:47.000 I should have followed that. 0.99

01:38:48.000 No, they were just fucking tracking me and I just wasn't doing shit. 0.98

01:38:51.000 They were just like, you should be doing 10 times the amount of work that you're doing. 0.98

01:38:55.000 Well, you know what people were doing when they were doing remote work.

01:38:57.000 They installed an app that moved the cursor around.

01:39:00.000 Good for them. 1.00

01:39:00.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:39:01.000 Wild. 1.00

01:39:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:02.000 Just wild.

01:39:03.000 Like, what is that app signing up for?

01:39:05.000 Yeah.

01:39:06.000 Oh, for sure.

01:39:06.000 You're getting tracked.

01:39:07.000 That app sending your fucking passwords to China. 1.00

01:39:09.000 100%. 1.00

01:39:09.000 Right now. 1.00

01:39:10.000 Yeah.

01:39:10.000 Your Facebook now belongs to Moldovia.

01:39:12.000 I'm ready for the glorious revolution.

01:39:15.000 I wanted to say one other thing.

01:39:18.000 I forgot. 0.99

01:39:18.000 I wanted to start the thing, but we started talking about animal pussy. 0.99

01:39:21.000 I have a... 0.99

01:39:22.000 It's Christmas time.

01:39:24.000 I brought some cookies.

01:39:25.000 Oh. 1.00

01:39:25.000 My mom made some fucking cookies. 1.00

01:39:27.000 You want Jamie? 1.00

01:39:28.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:39:28.000 You guys want a fucking... 1.00

01:39:29.000 You want to try a cookie? 1.00

01:39:30.000 You want to try from my girl Lil V, my mom?

01:39:33.000 Yeah, but let's not...

01:39:33.000 I mean, I'll try it if you want me to.

01:39:35.000 I don't like to eat on the air.

01:39:37.000 That's fair.

01:39:37.000 It's gross for everybody else.

01:39:38.000 You're a much better podcaster than me.

01:39:40.000 I've done it before.

01:39:41.000 People get annoyed.

01:39:42.000 Crunch, crunch, crunch.

01:39:43.000 But I definitely want to try your mom's cookies.

01:39:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:45.000 And if you want to try some of Erica's bee pollen.

01:39:48.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 0.99

01:39:49.000 Yeah, she left us some bee pollen with honey in it. 1.00

01:39:51.000 I love it.

01:39:52.000 When she was here yesterday, she actually got that.

01:39:56.000 From a beehive.

01:39:57.000 That rules.

01:39:57.000 My godfather in Greece, he's got a little beehive.

01:39:59.000 Seems so exciting. 1.00

01:40:00.000 He lives real fucking villager style. 1.00

01:40:02.000 Oh shit. 1.00

01:40:03.000 Dude, because it's like Greece, the fucking, like the economy went to shit. 1.00

01:40:07.000 So it's just like, he literally lives kind of villager shit where it's like him and my godmother moved to The island his family is from, like, historically. 1.00

01:40:15.000 He's got a little—he gets honey, his friend has fucking moonshine, his other friend has rabbits, and they literally, like, barter and shit, dude. 0.99

01:40:23.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.99

01:40:24.000 I went to Greece, I visited them, like, four years ago, and it was like, I'm getting fucked up off his friend's moonshine, we're eating fucking rabbit stew that his fucking friend hunted. 0.99

01:40:34.000 It was just like, they're broke as shit, but they're having a good-ass time in Greece. 0.99

01:40:37.000 That's nice if you could live like that. 0.99

01:40:39.000 As long as you have too many people and the resources don't get overrun, you can live like that.

01:40:44.000 If you grow your own vegetables and you cook your own food and you can hunt and you can maybe have some animals, that's a nice way to live, man.

01:40:53.000 Well, it's a lot of responsibility.

01:40:55.000 But it seems very satisfying for people, like the people that I know that are actually farmers or have a small farm.

01:41:01.000 It's almost like a spiritual experience.

01:41:03.000 It puts you in tune with life and death and how you live and what you eat.

01:41:07.000 You're directly responsible for all the food that's in your body, which I think is a normal human requirement.

01:41:14.000 There's a thing, if you just get the food from somewhere else, I bet part of you is like, where is this coming from? 0.99

01:41:19.000 Shut up. 0.99

01:41:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:41:20.000 You have to like, squash that part of your brain, it's confused. 1.00

01:41:23.000 Your body's like, what the, this fucking microwave burrito, this is not going to be in our body. 0.99

01:41:27.000 There's these human reward systems that are inside of us, and I always equate it to like, catching a fish. 1.00

01:41:31.000 When you catch a fish, there's a fucking feeling when you catch a fish, like, oh shit, there's an excitement. 0.99

01:41:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:36.000 When you catch a fish that I think is primal, and I think it goes back to that meant you feed your family. 1.00

01:41:42.000 Because back in the day when they first invented fishing, thousands of years ago, that's what it meant.

01:41:46.000 They first figured that out.

01:41:48.000 So when you get a fish, you're like, we survive.

01:41:50.000 It's so much so that people love to catch fish and put them back.

01:41:54.000 Yeah, totally.

01:41:55.000 Just for the rush.

01:41:56.000 It's leftover. 0.96

01:41:57.000 They just fuck with the fish, and they have special hooks, like when they go fly fishing, that are barbless. 0.99

01:42:03.000 So you don't fuck them up. 0.99

01:42:04.000 You catch these trout, and you just release them. 1.00

01:42:06.000 Damn. 0.99

01:42:07.000 Yeah, well, I don't think he's thinking of it spiritually. 1.00

01:42:09.000 He's just the fucking, he's drunk as shit all the time. 1.00

01:42:11.000 But it is spiritual. 1.00

01:42:12.000 I know he's not thinking about it that way, but I think there's something about it.

01:42:16.000 It's a great life.

01:42:17.000 He's also like the criminally, most criminally horny man I've ever met in my life. 0.87

01:42:21.000 Criminally horny? 0.94

01:42:22.000 Well, I'm sorry, never said that. 0.74

01:42:24.000 He's not a priest.

01:42:26.000 Just like, aggressively. 0.89

01:42:27.000 He's just a very horny man, you're right.

01:42:29.000 Don't you think that was probably most humans?

01:42:32.000 If you look at like testosterone rates in this country, oh, that's what I was gonna say earlier.

01:42:37.000 You know James Cameron said that testosterone is a toxin that men need to remove from their bodies?

01:42:42.000 James Cameron?

01:42:43.000 James Cameron said this. 1.00

01:42:44.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

01:42:44.000 But Rob Wolf posted this on his Instagram today in response to that. 1.00

01:42:50.000 Like, testosterone is the dominant hormone in women. 0.54

01:42:53.000 Mmm.

01:42:54.000 Women have more estrogen than men, but men have more testosterone than women, but women have more testosterone than they do estrogen. 0.87

01:43:03.000 Interesting.

01:43:04.000 Estrogen is just what they have more of than us.

01:43:08.000 Right, right, right.

01:43:09.000 I did not know this.

01:43:10.000 Yeah.

01:43:10.000 And Rob Wolf put that on his page today.

01:43:11.000 I had no idea.

01:43:12.000 Needed James Cameron.

01:43:13.000 Right.

01:43:14.000 James Cameron. 1.00

01:43:14.000 But the motherfucker can make a movie. 1.00

01:43:16.000 He, fuck, makes the shit out of a movie. 1.00

01:43:18.000 But in his movie, there's a lot of fucking aggressive male energy. 1.00

01:43:21.000 Yeah, there's a lot of aggressive female energy. 1.00

01:43:22.000 Female energy, too. 0.93

01:43:23.000 Aliens.

01:43:24.000 Aliens, yeah.

01:43:25.000 Aliens, dollar sign. 1.00

01:43:26.000 Yeah, that was the one where the aliens were easy to kill. 0.99

01:43:29.000 Like, in the first one... 0.99

01:43:31.000 The first one, you couldn't fucking come close to killing him. 0.99

01:43:35.000 They were so hard to find. 0.99

01:43:37.000 There's one, he was so clever. 0.82

01:43:39.000 And the second one, they're like, and boom, you shotgun him in the face.

01:43:42.000 What if that was their commando? 1.00

01:43:44.000 What if they got the fucking, the first one was just like the fucking most big dick badass fucking one of them, and then it's just a bunch of bumbling dumbasses. 1.00

01:43:51.000 I would love to see aliens from, it's like a comedy from their perspective, where they're like, ooh. 1.00

01:43:56.000 Right, the first one was a Navy SEAL, and these guys are just tech nerds.

01:44:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.92

01:44:02.000 A bunch of guys that do the back end for like fucking seamless. 0.87

01:44:07.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

01:44:08.000 In their little fucking vests. 1.00

01:44:10.000 Just getting fucking murked by that hot Latina chick. 1.00

01:44:16.000 Oh, hell yeah. 1.00

01:44:17.000 Who's that girl that was in that movie? 1.00

01:44:18.000 She was the one.

01:44:19.000 You like her, right?

01:44:19.000 Yeah, I absolutely like her.

01:44:20.000 I don't think she was Latina.

01:44:22.000 I think I've looked this up.

01:44:23.000 She's not?

01:44:23.000 I don't believe so.

01:44:24.000 She plays a good Latina. 1.00

01:44:25.000 You can't do that anymore.

01:44:26.000 Wait a minute.

01:44:26.000 Are you sure?

01:44:27.000 I The lady in Aliens?

01:44:29.000 Who is it?

01:44:29.000 Who's in Aliens?

01:44:31.000 I believe I looked this up when I was horny for her.

01:44:36.000 And I believe... 0.95

01:44:38.000 I want to say she might even be Jewish.

01:44:42.000 What?

01:44:43.000 I believe so.

01:44:44.000 We'll see.

01:44:45.000 Jamie will pull this up in any moment.

01:44:47.000 The suspense is killing me.

01:44:51.000 Good podcasting.

01:44:51.000 Her?

01:44:52.000 Yeah.

01:44:52.000 Okay.

01:44:53.000 Yeah, dude, I believe she's fucking Jewish. 1.00

01:44:55.000 She's got big old titties. 1.00

01:44:56.000 That was a great fucking movie, bro. 1.00

01:44:57.000 That was a great fucking movie. 1.00

01:44:58.000 Yeah, there she is. 1.00

01:44:59.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

01:45:00.000 That was a great fucking movie. 1.00

01:45:01.000 And I believe she has a brand of bras for big titted women. 1.00

01:45:06.000 Does she? 1.00

01:45:06.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:45:07.000 I swear to God. 1.00

01:45:08.000 Jeanette Goldstein.

01:45:09.000 Jeanette Goldstein.

01:45:10.000 No, that is the Jewish, most Jewish name ever.

01:45:16.000 Jeanette Goldstein, that's hilarious. 1.00

01:45:20.000 Oh my god.

01:45:21.000 Yeah, Private Vasquez.

01:45:22.000 Oh my god, that is hilarious.

01:45:25.000 By the way, I support her right to do that.

01:45:27.000 Look up Jeanette Goldstein bras for us. 1.00

01:45:29.000 Some people are going to get mad at her now because she played a Latina in a movie. 1.00

01:45:33.000 She was in brownface. 0.93

01:45:36.000 She got a strong tan.

01:45:38.000 The alphabet starts at D. She's got a big-titted... 1.00

01:45:41.000 Oh my god. 0.97

01:45:41.000 She's got a giant bra. 0.97

01:45:43.000 That's another thing about the algorithm for a while when I was looking at TikToks.

01:45:46.000 For a while, it was showing me influencers for big-titted women who were looking for sports bras that'll fit them. 0.99

01:45:54.000 Because I was looking up so many women with big breasts. 1.00

01:45:57.000 They were like, well, maybe he's a lady with big tits that needs a bra that works. 1.00

01:46:00.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:46:01.000 I was like, no.

01:46:03.000 Oh my god.

01:46:04.000 No. 1.00

01:46:05.000 Oh, I forgot to fucking, speaking of sexual things, we're just fucking chatting. 0.99

01:46:10.000 I wanted to also plug my 2023 erotic calendar. 0.99

01:46:15.000 Can I show you this right now?

01:46:18.000 Sure.

01:46:19.000 That's another part of my modeling career.

01:46:23.000 It's part of your hustle. 0.99

01:46:24.000 Every fucking year I do a different calendar. 0.99

01:46:25.000 I'm just amazed that people are still making calendars. 0.99

01:46:27.000 Dude, they love them.

01:46:29.000 Do you have any calendars, Jamie?

01:46:31.000 Do you own a calendar?

01:46:32.000 No.

01:46:32.000 I had a calendar for a while that I used to keep on my office wall.

01:46:35.000 Look at you.

01:46:37.000 Stabby baby, calendar for a sexy new year.

01:46:40.000 Let me see. 1.00

01:46:41.000 Flip through these motherfuckers. 1.00

01:46:42.000 Let's see the hawks. 1.00

01:46:43.000 This is my pride and joy.

01:46:44.000 Nice.

01:46:45.000 Yeah.

01:46:47.000 Jack off, you worry.

01:46:49.000 That's right.

01:46:49.000 Nice.

01:46:50.000 How about that squirt timber right there?

01:46:53.000 Clitbrary.

01:46:54.000 Munch.

01:46:56.000 Gabriel.

01:46:57.000 Oh, nice.

01:46:59.000 You like what you see, Joey?

01:47:00.000 These are good.

01:47:01.000 These are good.

01:47:01.000 You look great.

01:47:02.000 Thank you.

01:47:02.000 Shout out to my boy, Stefan.

01:47:04.000 Stefan Fleming.

01:47:05.000 Nice.

01:47:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:47:07.000 Fucktober.

01:47:08.000 So those are available, folks.

01:47:10.000 You can get them now.

01:47:11.000 The calendar sells?

01:47:12.000 People buying calendars?

01:47:13.000 The calendar sells, dude.

01:47:14.000 For fun, right?

01:47:14.000 For fun.

01:47:15.000 Like, you have any cubicle and shit? 0.99

01:47:16.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:47:17.000 You'd probably get fired if you had this in your cubicle.

01:47:19.000 Why?

01:47:19.000 There's no real...

01:47:20.000 You don't show it.

01:47:21.000 I do.

01:47:22.000 You're smart. 0.99

01:47:22.000 I don't show cock. 0.99

01:47:24.000 No, there's no cock in there, right? 0.99

01:47:25.000 At the very end, there's a photoshopped. 0.89

01:47:27.000 A little piece of tape.

01:47:28.000 Oh, there you go.

01:47:31.000 Put a little piece of tape over that part.

01:47:33.000 A friend of mine has a bar outside of town here, and he had this bathroom, and in the bathroom, in the men's room, they put up all these photos from Playboy magazine.

01:47:47.000 Hell yeah.

01:47:47.000 Old, old photos, like magazine covers.

01:47:50.000 I love that. 0.93

01:47:50.000 So it's Playboy covers from like the 60s and the 70s and some cartoons and shit, and people complained. 0.93

01:47:56.000 What? 0.99

01:47:57.000 Yeah, men complained that the naked breasts... 1.00

01:48:00.000 Well, they had kids, maybe. 0.99

01:48:03.000 Bring your little boy in there to take a leak. 1.00

01:48:05.000 No, it's like a bar slash restaurant.

01:48:08.000 Oh, okay.

01:48:09.000 It's a very nice place.

01:48:11.000 But anyway, you go into this place and go in the bathroom and one of their bathrooms was themed in Playboys. 0.73

01:48:18.000 And so they had to go over all the breasts. 1.00

01:48:20.000 And put like...

01:48:21.000 Put little stickers? 0.95

01:48:22.000 Little stickers over all the titties. 0.91

01:48:23.000 Would it come up if you're like an 11-year-old the week before they covered the titties? 0.90

01:48:28.000 You're like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. 0.61

01:48:29.000 You're like, oh!

01:48:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:31.000 And they'll allow a little bit of side boob. 1.00

01:48:34.000 A little side boob's nice. 0.98

01:48:35.000 It seems like as long as you don't see the nipples, it's a crazy thing. 0.97

01:48:40.000 It's like that one thing defines like, Oh, Jesus. 0.83

01:48:42.000 Of course. 0.92

01:48:43.000 If you just cover the nipple with stars, everyone's cool.

01:48:46.000 Everyone's great.

01:48:47.000 An X. Breasts are the weirdest fucking thing in that regard. 1.00

01:48:51.000 It's just something about showing a nipple. 1.00

01:48:54.000 Showing the nip. 0.97

01:48:54.000 Remember when Janet Jackson did it at the Super Bowl? 0.97

01:48:56.000 People were like, what the?

01:48:57.000 I know. 0.99

01:48:57.000 It was fucking wild. 0.99

01:48:59.000 Who really gives a fuck? 1.00

01:49:00.000 Let the titties out. 1.00

01:49:02.000 It's literally where children get food from.

01:49:05.000 I'm with you.

01:49:05.000 We should be able to see titties.

01:49:07.000 It's at the dinner table.

01:49:09.000 What are we doing at the dinner table?

01:49:10.000 We're seeing this?

01:49:11.000 We're trying to watch the Super Bowl.

01:49:12.000 It's wholesome.

01:49:13.000 Yeah.

01:49:14.000 They also set her up. 1.00

01:49:16.000 Janet Jackson got fucked. 1.00

01:49:17.000 She was the only one who suffered the consequences. 1.00

01:49:20.000 Justin Bieber didn't?

01:49:21.000 Justin Timberlake was good.

01:49:22.000 Oh, Justin Bieber.

01:49:23.000 Sorry.

01:49:24.000 Janet was one of the Justins.

01:49:26.000 One of them handsome fellas that's talented. 1.00

01:49:28.000 Yeah, the last generation's Justin Bieber.

01:49:29.000 So they for sure planned that, right?

01:49:33.000 You would think so.

01:49:34.000 Otherwise, it's kind of illegal.

01:49:35.000 I remember looking it up and being like, time to jack off to this.

01:49:39.000 Well, if they didn't plan it, it's highly illegal.

01:49:42.000 For sure.

01:49:42.000 If she didn't know about it, and you did it, that's highly illegal.

01:49:46.000 100%.

01:49:46.000 You would think.

01:49:49.000 So they had a plan.

01:49:49.000 And it backfired, and then he was like, oh, this is crazy.

01:49:54.000 I thought there was going to be a star underneath there. 1.00

01:49:56.000 It's fucked. 1.00

01:49:57.000 I can't believe he got the fuck. 1.00

01:49:58.000 Didn't they date for a while? 1.00

01:49:59.000 Did they?

01:50:00.000 That's unfair.

01:50:00.000 I hope they did after that.

01:50:01.000 No, I don't think it was after that.

01:50:03.000 Before that?

01:50:04.000 I think so.

01:50:04.000 Maybe that's better.

01:50:05.000 Prepare.

01:50:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:50:07.000 I don't think she was too pleased afterwards.

01:50:10.000 She became like a Muslim, I believe.

01:50:12.000 Did she?

01:50:13.000 Yeah, I believe she wears the full hijab and the whole deal now. 0.99

01:50:16.000 Nice.

01:50:17.000 I think she even moved to another country.

01:50:20.000 MJ for a while did go...

01:50:23.000 Didn't he go, wasn't he like hanging out with Farrakhan for a while?

01:50:26.000 I don't know.

01:50:26.000 Like at the end, that's pretty, that's a sick move, Michael Jackson to do.

01:50:30.000 Just go back to the fucking, yeah, that's awesome. 0.98

01:50:33.000 When you're under siege, you know, like at the end of his life, he was under siege. 0.99

01:50:37.000 Yeah.

01:50:38.000 That was a...

01:50:39.000 You need your boys.

01:50:40.000 That's how talented he is, though.

01:50:42.000 That people still play his music.

01:50:44.000 I know.

01:50:45.000 People will give you the stink eye if R. Kelly comes on. 0.95

01:50:48.000 100%.

01:50:49.000 We were talking about this the other night.

01:50:50.000 This friend of mine has a bar, and he had this dope-ass playlist.

01:50:55.000 And in that playlist was some R. Kelly.

01:50:58.000 His remix to Ignition?

01:50:58.000 And some of it he forgot, and he had to go back and remove it.

01:51:02.000 Like, oh shit, people got upset at him that it was playing. 0.98

01:51:05.000 There's a threshold of bangers. 1.00

01:51:07.000 That you have to cross to be able to let your sexual crimes be, you know.

01:51:12.000 But it's also R. Kelly's songs were so sexual.

01:51:16.000 That's the thing.

01:51:16.000 It's like, this was written about someone doing algebra homework.

01:51:20.000 You know what I mean?

01:51:21.000 Like, MJ wasn't doing it. 0.99

01:51:22.000 His were just good fucking songs. 0.99

01:51:24.000 ABC. It's the easiest one. 0.99

01:51:26.000 One, two, three.

01:51:27.000 The clues were all there.

01:51:29.000 Literally.

01:51:30.000 Well, he was a child then.

01:51:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:51:32.000 That's the thing.

01:51:33.000 When he's saying that, he was a little boy. 0.99

01:51:34.000 Yeah, I mean, this is well-trod territory, but that's a guy whose life is the most fucked up of all time. 0.96

01:51:39.000 Well, it is well-trod territory, but are you aware of the castrata theory? 0.99

01:51:44.000 The theory that he got his nuts chopped off?

01:51:46.000 Yeah.

01:51:46.000 I did not hear this.

01:51:47.000 From his own doctor.

01:51:48.000 His doctor says he was chemically castrated.

01:51:51.000 The same doctor that killed him by anesthetizing him every night, that same doctor said that he was chemically castrated when he was young.

01:52:00.000 And that's how he maintained his voice.

01:52:02.000 That's wild.

01:52:03.000 What's wild is that that was a thing.

01:52:05.000 That they used to do that to young boys to get them to sing opera.

01:52:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:52:09.000 Fucking bro. 1.00

01:52:10.000 And being a eunuch and shit, that's more history shit. 1.00

01:52:12.000 It's like, if your shit wasn't going so good, you're lower class, it's like, chop your dick off and I can trust you around my wife. 1.00

01:52:18.000 Yeah, because you can hang around the house. 1.00

01:52:20.000 Yeah, and it's like, damn, I don't know if I would have made that trade. 0.97

01:52:23.000 Bro. 0.98

01:52:24.000 That's that super creepy guy in Game of Thrones.

01:52:26.000 Yeah, yeah, Varys. 1.00

01:52:28.000 Fucking conniving little dickless wonder. 1.00

01:52:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:31.000 Out there trying to run the world.

01:52:33.000 You don't want that guy around.

01:52:34.000 They're probably more like him than they were like obedient.

01:52:37.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

01:52:38.000 They're probably angry as fuck. 1.00

01:52:39.000 You took their dick away. 1.00

01:52:40.000 I wonder... 1.00

01:52:41.000 All they get is free fruit?

01:52:43.000 Yeah, free fruit. 1.00

01:52:43.000 I wonder if you could still bust from your ass? 1.00

01:52:48.000 It's the fact that you even wonder. 1.00

01:52:51.000 You gotta figure it out. 0.99

01:52:52.000 I guess if you massage the stump while your finger and your butt... 0.98

01:52:56.000 Because they don't take the prostate out, right? 0.98

01:52:58.000 The prostate's still there.

01:52:59.000 How does the jizz come out? 0.82

01:53:00.000 It probably comes out the most disappointing looking like...

01:53:03.000 It's a dribble.

01:53:04.000 It's like soft serve ice cream.

01:53:06.000 Yeah, when the machine's down.

01:53:10.000 It's probably so sad.

01:53:11.000 Syrupy.

01:53:12.000 The saddest nut you'll ever bust.

01:53:15.000 Interesting. 1.00

01:53:15.000 I wonder if castratos could bust through their ass. 1.00

01:53:17.000 I wonder. 1.00

01:53:18.000 I wonder if they kept their penis, but they just removed their testicles. 1.00

01:53:22.000 That's more likely is what they did. 1.00

01:53:23.000 Probably.

01:53:24.000 With Unix, I don't know how they handled it.

01:53:25.000 I think they might have just the whole thing.

01:53:27.000 The whole thing's got to go.

01:53:28.000 That's tough.

01:53:30.000 Pissing from the little hole. 1.00

01:53:31.000 Oh, that sucks. 1.00

01:53:32.000 Give him a little dick. 1.00

01:53:33.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:53:34.000 The whole thing is so terrifying that that was a common practice.

01:53:38.000 Or at least common enough that we know of it.

01:53:40.000 I think it was pretty common.

01:53:41.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:53:42.000 Because in all the history podcasts and books and shit, there's a lot of fucking eunuchs running around. 1.00

01:53:48.000 And that's one of the things that throughout history people did to people in war. 1.00

01:53:53.000 Cut their dick off, stuff it in their mouth. 1.00

01:53:55.000 That's a tough one. 1.00

01:53:57.000 You got your own dick in your mouth as you're watching the axe come down. 1.00

01:54:00.000 That's gotta be a special kind of horror. 1.00

01:54:03.000 That's what it pays to have a little penis. 1.00

01:54:07.000 I'll put it under my tongue like a Tic Tac. 1.00

01:54:11.000 You could spit your dick back out at him. 1.00

01:54:13.000 What do you got to lose at that point? 1.00

01:54:14.000 So we talk about like declining sperm counts and how they're happening right now.

01:54:19.000 Like there's all these studies done on men's sperm counts since like the 1950s.

01:54:22.000 Rapid decline.

01:54:24.000 If you go back in history, doesn't it make sense that they would go up and up and up?

01:54:27.000 Like I think when it was really hard to stay alive, I think people were probably ultra hyper horny.

01:54:34.000 Because you only had a small window.

01:54:36.000 As long as you had food, where you had enough food so you weren't starving, you're probably super horny.

01:54:41.000 Because they're probably wilder people. 0.97

01:54:44.000 But at the same time, you're probably so fucking overworked. 0.97

01:54:46.000 That too. 0.97

01:54:47.000 I think it's probably the way height goes in society, where it's like, the more nourished you are, I think there's probably, we hit a point where it's like, we have the most comforts, we have the most nourished, and we're kind of like, you know, not as overworked.

01:55:02.000 Right. 0.76

01:55:02.000 And I think that's probably, just, you know, fully have no fucking clue, like I said. 0.76

01:55:06.000 No, that makes sense. 0.88

01:55:07.000 But it makes sense that you're saying it with resources.

01:55:09.000 But if there was like a resource-rich area...

01:55:12.000 Say if there was an area where people were hunter-gatherers and they grew some food and they all did like your uncle does in Greece and they all lived off the land.

01:55:22.000 They all took pictures of women's breasts with their Motorola flip phone, too? 0.59

01:55:25.000 They're well-nourished, but they're people that are living 1,000, 2,000 years ago. 1.00

01:55:30.000 They probably were horny as fuck. 0.99

01:55:34.000 There's probably like a, I would say a slim majority that is the horniest guys of all time. 1.00

01:55:40.000 All time. 0.97

01:55:40.000 But I think most of them are just so beaten down by how fucking atrocious their lifestyle is that it's like, you know. 0.97

01:55:47.000 Yeah, that's true too. 0.98

01:55:48.000 But the young guys who aren't beaten down yet, they gotta be the most horrific.

01:55:51.000 And at the same time, when you're so beaten down, what do you have if not busting a nut? 0.99

01:55:56.000 Killing people. 0.99

01:55:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:58.000 Killing people and eating roast lamb. 0.99

01:55:59.000 But the guys that didn't get to kill. 1.00

01:56:00.000 The guys that are fucking getting killed and fucking, you know. 0.99

01:56:04.000 Which is most guys. 1.00

01:56:05.000 Most guys are just fucking chaffing wheat or whatever the fuck for the fucking emperor or the fucking whoever the fuck is. 1.00

01:56:12.000 And if you live in a super brutal, horrible place, good luck inventing anything. 1.00

01:56:17.000 Oh, dude.

01:56:18.000 Good luck.

01:56:18.000 Yeah.

01:56:19.000 We talk about time off. 1.00

01:56:21.000 It's like they had their time off was the fucking Sunday because they got to go to church and see the full circle, go to the fucking priests, you know, blinged out, just fucking hang. 1.00

01:56:31.000 And that was very interesting. 0.99

01:56:33.000 I read a book about the medieval times where it's like church was just honestly, people were just hanging out.

01:56:38.000 Like it was kind of like a bar.

01:56:39.000 Social dwelling.

01:56:40.000 It was like social, yeah. 1.00

01:56:41.000 The priest was reading shit, but no one could really understand. 0.99

01:56:44.000 They didn't know Latin. 1.00

01:56:45.000 Right. 0.99

01:56:45.000 They were just fucking hanging out. 0.99

01:56:46.000 It's kind of interesting because it was like, it makes sense. 0.99

01:56:49.000 What year did they make it so the Catholic priest had to take a vow of chastity?

01:56:54.000 I don't know.

01:56:55.000 Let's find that out.

01:56:56.000 I guarantee that was in response to them banging everybody.

01:57:00.000 I guarantee you.

01:57:02.000 I still think it's because they wouldn't have to pay the equivalent of child support.

01:57:05.000 I don't think they...

01:57:06.000 That's too complicated a scheme.

01:57:08.000 I think more likely is they had to put a stop to these guys banging everybody.

01:57:13.000 But see, would that put a stop to it?

01:57:14.000 Couldn't they still keep getting... 1.00

01:57:16.000 I think they probably did it in those fucking confession booths. 1.00

01:57:18.000 That was probably their idea. 1.00

01:57:19.000 That's how it started?

01:57:20.000 The first glory hole? 0.99

01:57:22.000 In between, open that fucking door, give it all the old stuff. 0.99

01:57:26.000 How many of those were glory holes? 1.00

01:57:28.000 A hundred of them.

01:57:31.000 That's pretty cool.

01:57:32.000 All right.

01:57:32.000 I'm back in on the Catholic Church.

01:57:34.000 If you can find me artifacts of glory holes, I'm in.

01:57:37.000 I used to do a joke about it. 0.99

01:57:38.000 Like, imagine the idea where you take a guy who's not allowed to masturbate or have sex ever. 1.00

01:57:44.000 Then you make him listen to fuck stories whispered through a hole in the wall. 1.00

01:57:49.000 Yeah, absolutely. 1.00

01:57:50.000 Because that's mostly what people confess. 1.00

01:57:52.000 There's a couple of murders, but it's a lot of fuck my brother. 1.00

01:57:55.000 It's a lot of crazy stuff. 1.00

01:57:56.000 Absolutely. 1.00

01:57:57.000 You're dealing with people that, you know, 2,000 years ago, they're fucking animals, man. 1.00

01:58:00.000 Absolutely. 1.00

01:58:01.000 Animals.

01:58:01.000 Absolutely.

01:58:02.000 Wild people.

01:58:03.000 100%. 1.00

01:58:04.000 It's all like fucking Game of Thrones shit. 1.00

01:58:06.000 They're all just doing- I fucked the servant. 1.00

01:58:08.000 The servant sucked me off. 1.00

01:58:09.000 Yeah, they're fucking everybody. 1.00

01:58:10.000 They killed a guy with an axe. 1.00

01:58:11.000 Yeah.

01:58:11.000 Stole an apple.

01:58:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:13.000 That kind of shit. 1.00

01:58:14.000 Absolutely. 1.00

01:58:14.000 Bro, imagine watching someone get hacked to death when you're a child. 1.00

01:58:18.000 That's a normal thing to see.

01:58:19.000 You're seven years old.

01:58:20.000 You see a guy lose a sword fight.

01:58:22.000 Yeah, that's normal.

01:58:22.000 His head falls down, blood squirting out of his neck like a fire hydrant.

01:58:26.000 And that guy who was, in your mind, ancient, he's like 20 years old.

01:58:30.000 Oh my God. 1.00

01:58:30.000 They died so fucking soon. 1.00

01:58:32.000 So fucking soon. 1.00

01:58:33.000 Although I do wonder... 0.99

01:58:34.000 Other shit I'm reading is like some of the shit, especially in like cities and stuff like that, it wasn't as brutal and like... 0.98

01:58:40.000 Like we do have like a barbaric... 0.99

01:58:41.000 Certainly that happened a lot, but there was also like... 0.96

01:58:45.000 I think a little bit of how dirty and shit it was is a little overblown too, but I'm interested in that. 0.93

01:58:50.000 I think there was a high level of sophistication in comparison to a lot of other cultures back then, but in terms of us today, I bet we would be shocked by how savage they behave. 0.97

01:59:02.000 Yeah, probably.

01:59:03.000 I think so.

01:59:04.000 I think they're probably both intelligent and savage.

01:59:07.000 I mean, Marcus Aurelius' Meditations is like, still to this day, one of the most interesting books on philosophy and the way a guy lives his life ever. 0.98

01:59:15.000 That motherfucker wrote that as the Roman Emperor 2,000 years ago. 1.00

01:59:20.000 Damn. 1.00

01:59:21.000 What did he see? 1.00

01:59:22.000 That is wild. 1.00

01:59:23.000 What kind of shit did that guy see? 1.00

01:59:25.000 Yeah, what a fucking nerd. 1.00

01:59:27.000 You get to be the emperor, you're fucking doing homework? 1.00

01:59:30.000 I'm in the harem, brother. 1.00

01:59:31.000 He's talking about forgiveness.

01:59:34.000 He's talking about, like, forgiveness is one of the things that he talks about a lot.

01:59:38.000 Interesting.

01:59:39.000 Yeah, and about managing your mind and stoicism.

01:59:42.000 It's very interesting, man. 1.00

01:59:44.000 Yeah, I listened to an audio version of it and the song and I felt like such a pussy. 0.92

01:59:50.000 This guy's writing this from this incredible position of strength thousands of years ago and his advice to people was to learn how to be more charitable and to be nicer and kinder to each other and to forgive people. 0.99

02:00:03.000 That's a radical stance for a leader of a fucking empire. 0.63

02:00:06.000 He was trying to legitimately be a better person, seemed like, and lead by example. 1.00

02:00:11.000 But then he had this son that was a monster.

02:00:13.000 Yeah, that's how it happens.

02:00:14.000 Isn't that wild?

02:00:14.000 That's always how it happens.

02:00:16.000 His son is a fucking evil monster. 1.00

02:00:18.000 Yeah, I haven't gotten into too much Roman shit yet. 1.00

02:00:20.000 I'm still in the Greek shit. 1.00

02:00:22.000 Dude, all of it is... 1.00

02:00:23.000 Go piss, my brother. 0.99

02:00:24.000 Go piss. 0.99

02:00:25.000 I've been holding it. 0.94

02:00:26.000 I'm having a great time.

02:00:26.000 Yeah, me too.

02:00:27.000 I don't want it to end.

02:00:28.000 Yeah, dude.

02:00:29.000 All right, we'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.

02:00:30.000 Oh.

02:00:35.000 We're good to go.

02:00:46.000 Oh yeah.

02:00:47.000 It's normal for us though.

02:00:49.000 You're always on.

02:00:51.000 You're trying to say something.

02:00:52.000 So sometimes you can only hold one thought in your head and you can't hold the thought in the head that that person has because you've got something to say.

02:00:58.000 Because you've got something in the back of your head.

02:00:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:01.000 Tony Hinchcliffe is the fucking best ever. 0.99

02:01:04.000 Have you done Kill Tony? 0.99

02:01:05.000 Oh my god, you've got to do Kill Tony.

02:01:07.000 When's Kill Tony?

02:01:08.000 Do you know what it is?

02:01:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:10.000 It's Mondays.

02:01:10.000 He does it Mondays.

02:01:11.000 But when he, off the cuff, that motherfucker is so sharp. 1.00

02:01:16.000 That's how his mind works. 0.99

02:01:17.000 So his mind is like, you could be in the middle of something really important and he's gotta go with a zinger. 0.82

02:01:22.000 He's got some ridiculous pun to stick into there.

02:01:27.000 But it's like, this job is the greatest job of all time. 1.00

02:01:30.000 You just get to talk shit. 0.99

02:01:32.000 It's a great racket. 0.99

02:01:33.000 So I stopped doing my other podcast and I was like, fuck, I don't really want to do podcasts. 0.99

02:01:37.000 And then it was like six months and I was on the road and I was doing all this shit. 0.99

02:01:43.000 And also you get to talk shit, but you just get to connect with fans. 0.98

02:01:47.000 You want to be there once or twice a week. 0.98

02:01:50.000 I mean, you're there every day, but it's a cool way to connect to people. 0.98

02:01:53.000 So that's why I'm excited to fucking get my other shit popping right now. 0.92

02:01:55.000 It's a cool way to talk to people too. 0.99

02:01:57.000 Yeah.

02:01:57.000 I don't think people do that much talking to people like we do.

02:02:02.000 No, that's true.

02:02:02.000 I think it's important for yourself.

02:02:05.000 It's important for how you understand how people, like everybody has a different style of communication and everybody has a different life story and everybody has different things they do for a living.

02:02:16.000 Everybody has a different approach.

02:02:17.000 And I think I'm just gathering data all the time.

02:02:21.000 I'm so much more aware of things now than I ever was when I first started doing this.

02:02:27.000 Yeah, I think that's true.

02:02:28.000 And I think also it's like it recharges you too, right? 0.99

02:02:30.000 Because it's like, especially post-pandemic shit where it was like going out and actually getting to fucking talk to somebody. 0.99

02:02:36.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

02:02:37.000 Yeah, gather data.

02:02:38.000 Also, it's like you're in a place in your life where it's like... 0.99

02:02:40.000 It took me forever not to have every motivation in my life be getting pussy. 1.00

02:02:46.000 So it's like if every conversation wasn't leading to getting pussy one way or the other, other than being with your best friends and just kicking it. 0.99

02:02:55.000 And it's nice to mature a little bit and be like, you know, I do like it. 1.00

02:02:59.000 I just want to read about fucking... 0.99

02:03:01.000 Did the Trojan War actually happen? 0.99

02:03:03.000 I want to read about fucking, you know, this is what I want to do. 0.98

02:03:06.000 I want to talk to somebody about this thing. 0.99

02:03:08.000 I don't care.

02:03:09.000 I don't need, my needs have evolved.

02:03:12.000 Well, the thing is it's stimulating, but it's on an urge.

02:03:16.000 See, sex is stimulating, but it's an urge. 0.61

02:03:18.000 So sex is a biological urge, so you get horny. 0.97

02:03:21.000 When guys get horny, we get horny. 0.74

02:03:24.000 And you don't get intellectually horny, but it is stimulating.

02:03:29.000 So you have to trick yourself into engaging in it.

02:03:32.000 And then once you engage in it, you go, oh, this is fascinating.

02:03:35.000 That's how I am with documentaries and books, and I have to get engaged with it.

02:03:40.000 And then once I get engaged with it, I'm like, oh, I really do enjoy this.

02:03:42.000 No, that's true.

02:03:43.000 It almost feels like a rollercoaster where you have to just kind of push yourself to engage. 0.98

02:03:47.000 And then once you do, it's like fucking bombs away.

02:03:50.000 Yeah, because it's like logically you know there's a lot of things that you like to do, but you don't engage in doing them for whatever reason, right? 0.94

02:03:55.000 But then the urges are food.

02:03:57.000 You have an urge to eat.

02:03:58.000 You get hungry. 0.74

02:03:59.000 You get horny. 0.50

02:04:00.000 You get tired. 0.86

02:04:01.000 You want to go to sleep.

02:04:02.000 Oh, that's a good point. 0.99

02:04:02.000 You got to take a piss. 0.99

02:04:03.000 I never thought of that.

02:04:03.000 There's all these urges.

02:04:05.000 But you don't have an urge for intellectual curiosity or even an urge to be creative.

02:04:10.000 It's just like you know it's good to sit down and write because that's where the jokes come from.

02:04:14.000 Of course.

02:04:14.000 But you don't have an urge like you have an urge to eat.

02:04:18.000 Right.

02:04:18.000 And that's why it feels so great when sometimes it does strike you.

02:04:21.000 Yeah.

02:04:22.000 And you're like, whoa, this does feel natural, biological almost. 0.98

02:04:26.000 But you're never going to beat the fuck urge. 0.98

02:04:28.000 No, never. 0.99

02:04:28.000 Doesn't have a chance. 0.99

02:04:29.000 The fuck urge. 1.00

02:04:31.000 Sells cars and watches and houses. 1.00

02:04:36.000 Oh, dude, fully.

02:04:37.000 It's like, I want to be in a relationship for a couple different reasons.

02:04:41.000 I think, you know, I'm 33. It's about time.

02:04:43.000 I took it really seriously.

02:04:45.000 I haven't been in that many.

02:04:46.000 But it's also like from a...

02:04:48.000 As you grow up, you're like, I want to find someone I like.

02:04:51.000 I want to invest in this relationship in a deeper way. 0.87

02:04:54.000 But I also want to feel secure in that part of my life so that I can expand in every other shit that I love doing. 0.98

02:04:59.000 That bodybuilder is cracking her knuckles. 1.00

02:05:01.000 Listen to this right now.

02:05:02.000 I forgot about her.

02:05:03.000 Stabby, baby.

02:05:04.000 I'm your woman!

02:05:07.000 She's ready to go, son.

02:05:09.000 She's out there.

02:05:10.000 She's out there.

02:05:11.000 I 100% can guarantee she's out there.

02:05:14.000 It's her. 1.00

02:05:15.000 It's fucking... 1.00

02:05:15.000 Weirdly, not ancient, but modern Greek women have... 1.00

02:05:20.000 Teachers teaching Greek have gotten into my algorithm.

02:05:23.000 It's like the algorithm knows you before you know yourself.

02:05:26.000 And it's like... 1.00

02:05:27.000 What about a little woman who can kick your ass? 1.00

02:05:29.000 That's cool, too. 1.00

02:05:30.000 I'm so in.

02:05:31.000 That's the thing.

02:05:32.000 I'm...

02:05:33.000 I just want the connection, but there's plenty of things that excite me. 0.86

02:05:36.000 You know, obviously the classic big ol' titties.

02:05:39.000 Classic. 0.85

02:05:41.000 It's never gonna go away.

02:05:42.000 The curly hair big titties guy has been a classic. 0.81

02:05:45.000 It's a classic.

02:05:46.000 There's a reason why girls get them done, to make them bigger. 1.00

02:05:49.000 Sure, sure. 1.00

02:05:49.000 That's how dumb we are, though. 1.00

02:05:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:50.000 We can't have anything fake. 1.00

02:05:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:05:54.000 They could literally... 0.99

02:05:55.000 No one cares if you have fake boobs. 1.00

02:05:57.000 Oh, dude, I would love... 0.99

02:05:58.000 Dude, I... I've thought about this where it's like, what would be the equivalent to plastic surgery?

02:06:04.000 I would get penis implants if they were real, if they were the way titties look. 1.00

02:06:10.000 I'd get it tomorrow. 1.00

02:06:10.000 The thing is, a guy couldn't do that because a woman wouldn't like it. 1.00

02:06:14.000 Like, guys don't seem to care. 1.00

02:06:15.000 We're dumber. 1.00

02:06:17.000 We don't seem to care if their boobs are fake. 1.00

02:06:19.000 But if we have fake hair, they'll throw up. 0.99

02:06:21.000 Right.

02:06:22.000 Right, true.

02:06:23.000 Fake hair is a tough one.

02:06:23.000 That's why I'm looking like this.

02:06:25.000 But fake hair is nothing compared to a fake dick. 1.00

02:06:28.000 Sure. 1.00

02:06:28.000 You can't have a fake dick. 1.00

02:06:29.000 But what I'm saying is if the technology was there, I'm first in line. 1.00

02:06:34.000 The thing would be pills. 0.99

02:06:35.000 Pills to grow your cock? 1.00

02:06:37.000 Yeah, I used to have a bit about the day they invent a big dick pill. 1.00

02:06:42.000 I know that because it's like you wouldn't have to, there would have to be no advertising. 0.95

02:06:44.000 30 seconds before the first guy died of an overdose.

02:06:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:06:47.000 No one's just going to take one.

02:06:49.000 They're like, how many give me a stroke?

02:06:51.000 I'm going to take one less than give me a stroke. 0.99

02:06:53.000 And I had a whole bit about how dicks would become so big that guys would have to push them around in shopping carts and women would evolve to have these giant flying squirrel pussy people and the guys would chase them up to the top of cliffs and they would leap to safety. 1.00

02:07:06.000 It was the dumbest bit ever. 1.00

02:07:07.000 I love it. 1.00

02:07:08.000 That's when you rode high as hell.

02:07:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:10.000 But it's obviously, like, if guys had a pill that made their dick big, we'd have preposterous dicks. 1.00

02:07:15.000 We'd be too stupid. 1.00

02:07:16.000 It would be like those poor ladies that have those triple H tits. 1.00

02:07:19.000 Right. 1.00

02:07:20.000 They're so big.

02:07:20.000 They don't understand.

02:07:21.000 Like, that's too big, honey.

02:07:22.000 I'm sorry.

02:07:22.000 Like, what'd you do?

02:07:23.000 I know.

02:07:24.000 Don't do that.

02:07:25.000 That's a little much. 0.99

02:07:27.000 There's a fucking thing that I sent to Tom Segura. 0.99

02:07:29.000 Do you know these dudes that stick oil in their muscles? 1.00

02:07:32.000 Oh, those guys are weird as fuck. 1.00

02:07:34.000 The Popeye-looking motherfuckers? 1.00

02:07:35.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:07:35.000 There's one... 1.00

02:07:36.000 Is that one Russian guy?

02:07:37.000 There's a bunch of them, but this one I believe is from Brazil.

02:07:40.000 And I sent it to Tommy.

02:07:42.000 Here it is.

02:07:43.000 I'm going to send it to you, Jamie.

02:07:45.000 It's so crazy. 0.99

02:07:47.000 You look at it and you're like, what in the fuck am I looking at? 0.99

02:07:50.000 Who is this for? 0.99

02:07:51.000 Well, this guy, it's just...

02:07:54.000 I mean, it's so nuts, but it's one of those things.

02:07:57.000 It's like people get like body dysmorphia.

02:07:59.000 They don't know what they're doing.

02:08:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:08:01.000 Guys would definitely do that with dicks. 0.99

02:08:02.000 100%. 0.99

02:08:02.000 Look at what this guy's done with this oil stuff in his body. 0.99

02:08:06.000 It's so weird.

02:08:07.000 It's just...

02:08:07.000 Oh, I've seen that.

02:08:09.000 That sucks. 0.89

02:08:10.000 What happened? 0.99

02:08:11.000 Where'd he go? 1.00

02:08:12.000 Where'd that motherfucker go? 1.00

02:08:13.000 He went away. 1.00

02:08:13.000 What happened? 1.00

02:08:14.000 Yeah.

02:08:15.000 Is it a trick?

02:08:16.000 That's brutal, dude.

02:08:18.000 What happened there?

02:08:19.000 Post from Gym Fail Nation.

02:08:21.000 Yeah.

02:08:23.000 I'm on the page, look, and I can't go anywhere.

02:08:27.000 It disappeared.

02:08:27.000 That's so weird.

02:08:28.000 Do you think it's been restricted?

02:08:31.000 There he is.

02:08:31.000 I'll leave it for a second.

02:08:32.000 Yeah, it goes away.

02:08:34.000 Yeah, that looks horrible.

02:08:35.000 Go to their videos.

02:08:36.000 Go to the top of their post.

02:08:39.000 See if you can find it in there.

02:08:41.000 Maybe it's been removed.

02:08:42.000 And maybe you can only get it the very first seconds of it or something.

02:08:47.000 Oh my god.

02:08:49.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

02:08:50.000 That shit sucks, though. 1.00

02:08:51.000 But this guy, if you saw it for that brief image, this guy has done something where all of his muscles look like balloons, like right there. 1.00

02:08:58.000 That's not even letting me do that.

02:08:58.000 Wow, that's so crazy.

02:09:00.000 Well, take a screenshot.

02:09:01.000 He might be taking off.

02:09:01.000 Take a screenshot.

02:09:02.000 It's fast.

02:09:03.000 Hold on.

02:09:04.000 We're pushing Jamie to his limit.

02:09:06.000 To his technical limit.

02:09:07.000 Jamie's a wizard, bro.

02:09:08.000 Get that screenshot going.

02:09:09.000 Here he is.

02:09:10.000 Bam, screenshot.

02:09:10.000 Screenshot.

02:09:11.000 I got it. 0.99

02:09:14.000 I mean, those look like titties. 0.97

02:09:16.000 Those look like... 0.98

02:09:16.000 Well, it looks insane. 0.98

02:09:18.000 It's insane.

02:09:18.000 And his biceps are insane, too.

02:09:20.000 They don't even look like biceps. 1.00

02:09:21.000 The fucking traps are the worst part. 1.00

02:09:25.000 The traps are truly horrendous. 1.00

02:09:27.000 All of it looks crazy.

02:09:28.000 It just doesn't make any sense that you would do that to yourself. 1.00

02:09:31.000 Guys would definitely do that for dicks. 0.99

02:09:33.000 That's my point. 0.99

02:09:35.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

02:09:35.000 I need a functional penis. 1.00

02:09:37.000 I would do that in a second. 1.00

02:09:39.000 That guy doesn't.

02:09:39.000 If he could stuff that stuff in his dick, he probably has tried.

02:09:42.000 Probably put a little bit in there. 1.00

02:09:43.000 Oh, there's guys who have tried.

02:09:44.000 He's going to make it ribbed for your pleasure. 0.70

02:09:46.000 Nah, dude. 1.00

02:09:47.000 They'll do whatever the fuck you want. 1.00

02:09:48.000 Yeah, there's definitely bumps on that guy's dick. 1.00

02:09:50.000 One way or another. 1.00

02:09:51.000 Yeah, he's going to spiral it around. 1.00

02:09:53.000 A pig dick? 1.00

02:09:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:55.000 No, no, like with the bumps.

02:09:57.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:09:58.000 With some sort of a pleasure device.

02:09:59.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 0.99

02:10:01.000 If you could get a bigger dick, like, that's, isn't it fascinating that we can put satellites into orbit? 1.00

02:10:07.000 Here it is. 1.00

02:10:07.000 We got it. 1.00

02:10:08.000 For some reason.

02:10:09.000 Oh, it was safari only.

02:10:11.000 Apple was trying to suppress it. 0.99

02:10:12.000 Where are his nipples? 0.99

02:10:12.000 They're underneath. 0.99

02:10:14.000 Oh, no!

02:10:15.000 Yeah, he's stretched them down. 0.99

02:10:17.000 No, this sucks! 0.97

02:10:18.000 Or maybe he cut them off because he didn't like the aesthetic. 0.99

02:10:21.000 Oh, no! 0.99

02:10:21.000 Oh, there's his nipples. 0.99

02:10:22.000 His nipples are way below the tit. 0.99

02:10:25.000 They're not even where they're supposed to be. 0.96

02:10:26.000 He's got the tummy tuck stomach, too?

02:10:28.000 He looks brutal.

02:10:28.000 Look what he's doing to his legs, too.

02:10:31.000 He's doing it to his legs. 1.00

02:10:32.000 He's so much closer to a fuckable woman than a man. 1.00

02:10:36.000 He's also probably days from death. 1.00

02:10:38.000 Yeah, he's done, for sure.

02:10:39.000 If you're doing that to your body, your body's filled with this invasive agent that's just making you swell up.

02:10:45.000 So unnatural.

02:10:46.000 I mean, that's why I love...

02:10:48.000 The reality is I want to lose a little weight because I want to feel better, but I don't mind.

02:10:52.000 I like how I look.

02:10:53.000 That's the other thing.

02:10:53.000 I feel bad for people that are like...

02:10:55.000 Have that extreme body dysmorphia?

02:10:57.000 I think it looks...

02:10:58.000 I think it's...

02:10:59.000 Being fat's fun.

02:11:00.000 You know what I mean? 0.77

02:11:02.000 Everyone likes a jolly fat guy.

02:11:03.000 I like my hair.

02:11:04.000 You just want to be healthy.

02:11:05.000 I just want to feel better.

02:11:06.000 I want to be healthy.

02:11:06.000 That's it.

02:11:07.000 The problem is those two don't really coincide with each other that well.

02:11:10.000 But you can make a comfortable medium.

02:11:13.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:11:14.000 That's the thing.

02:11:14.000 I weigh like 300 pounds now, right?

02:11:17.000 And it's like, I could lose 60 easy.

02:11:19.000 Still be pretty fat, but be much healthier than this.

02:11:21.000 A lot.

02:11:22.000 Is it bigger here?

02:11:23.000 Same guy.

02:11:24.000 Oh, he looks horrible.

02:11:25.000 He does look bigger.

02:11:25.000 Oh my god.

02:11:26.000 He's like, oh my god, he pumped it up further. 0.99

02:11:28.000 He's got the Super Saiyan fucking editing. 0.99

02:11:31.000 That is so insane. 1.00

02:11:33.000 That guy's going to be dead, man. 1.00

02:11:35.000 I mean, literally his tits kind of turn me on. 1.00

02:11:38.000 He's going to be dead. 1.00

02:11:39.000 They're so much closer to women's breasts than they are fucking jacked fucking pecs. 1.00

02:11:43.000 What's crazy is he probably is really weak because of all that stuff, too. 1.00

02:11:47.000 Oh, for sure, yeah. 1.00

02:11:47.000 It probably inhibits his ability to move things around, so he's probably weak as fuck while being gigantic. 1.00

02:11:53.000 Yeah, and who's attracted to that? 0.99

02:11:55.000 Who's into that guy? 0.96

02:11:57.000 Well, he's clearly insane. 1.00

02:11:59.000 Yeah, he's a pretty crazy guy. 1.00

02:11:59.000 That's an insane person. 1.00

02:12:01.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:12:02.000 Oh, no!

02:12:03.000 Oh, no!

02:12:03.000 What are you doing to your arms, bro?

02:12:05.000 Dude, poke that thing. 1.00

02:12:06.000 The veins are so weird. 0.99

02:12:08.000 Fuck, that's so crazy that he's done that to his arms. 0.99

02:12:10.000 That's like what this whole page is. 1.00

02:12:11.000 I found it.

02:12:11.000 Oh, no!

02:12:12.000 This whole page of these people. 1.00

02:12:14.000 This sucks. 0.99

02:12:14.000 Look at that dude's boobies because he's got the guy on mastica. 0.99

02:12:17.000 Scroll up a little. 0.73

02:12:18.000 Sorry.

02:12:19.000 That's okay.

02:12:19.000 Look at this guy.

02:12:20.000 Ah! 1.00

02:12:20.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:12:21.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:12:21.000 That's so insane. 1.00

02:12:22.000 What is the page called?

02:12:24.000 Body Stronger Brazil.

02:12:26.000 Brazil!

02:12:27.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 0.99

02:12:28.000 That guy's got titties. 1.00

02:12:29.000 That dude grew breasts. 1.00

02:12:30.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:12:32.000 Nipple pump, it says.

02:12:33.000 Nipple pump? 1.00

02:12:34.000 Is that what it is?

02:12:35.000 He used a nipple pump? 1.00

02:12:36.000 I don't know.

02:12:36.000 That's what it says on top.

02:12:37.000 Oh, no.

02:12:38.000 Dude.

02:12:39.000 There's no way.

02:12:40.000 That's probably gnomastica.

02:12:42.000 That's what girls are doing. 1.00

02:12:43.000 Oh, my God.

02:12:44.000 Oh, no, no, no, no. 1.00

02:12:46.000 That looks like a chicken's fucking drumstick. 1.00

02:12:48.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:12:49.000 That's so crazy.

02:12:50.000 Don't do that.

02:12:50.000 That's tough.

02:12:50.000 Don't do that.

02:12:52.000 Don't do that.

02:12:53.000 I'm listening.

02:12:54.000 Oh, my God.

02:12:58.000 That's the closest one.

02:12:59.000 Take it down to eight.

02:13:00.000 Yeah.

02:13:01.000 You got a little overzealous at the end, but... 0.85

02:13:03.000 You got crazy.

02:13:04.000 You need someone who's a designer who's going to go, no, no, no, no. 0.91

02:13:07.000 Trust me.

02:13:09.000 We're good.

02:13:10.000 But I think it's one of those things.

02:13:11.000 If you can make it...

02:13:12.000 That's what's the problem with plastic surgery, right?

02:13:14.000 If you think you could change it, and then you do change it, then you want to change it a little more, better.

02:13:18.000 Yeah.

02:13:19.000 I don't like this about me.

02:13:20.000 I don't like that.

02:13:21.000 You go down the rabbit hole, just like anything else.

02:13:23.000 Yeah, I don't like this weird piece of skin. 1.00

02:13:24.000 Yeah.

02:13:24.000 Yeah, I don't like the way my nose meets my eyebrows.

02:13:27.000 Like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

02:13:29.000 And then you get to be that cat lady. 1.00

02:13:31.000 Yeah.

02:13:31.000 Right?

02:13:32.000 Remember that cat lady? 0.99

02:13:33.000 She looked like, what's her name, Beauty and the Beast? 1.00

02:13:36.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:13:37.000 Looked like fucking Hellboy in Beauty and the Beast. 1.00

02:13:38.000 It's a perfect example of someone who went down that rabbit hole and went crazy. 1.00

02:13:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:13:44.000 No, it's definitely, you can definitely go, that's why I think it's, I think, you know, you just gotta let yourself age, you just gotta fucking, that's another thing, there is like a humanity to someone who ages with grace and doesn't give a fuck. 0.98

02:13:57.000 There definitely is. 0.97

02:13:58.000 I mean, we admire that.

02:13:59.000 Absolutely.

02:14:00.000 We admire someone who doesn't turn themselves into a monster.

02:14:04.000 100%.

02:14:04.000 But it's just like, I guess, when you just start fixing this, and then fix that, and I get a little filler.

02:14:11.000 Where does it end?

02:14:11.000 These are puffy.

02:14:12.000 Can we do something about this?

02:14:13.000 Maybe I'm a cheek stick out more, then I won't have these wrinkles.

02:14:17.000 But I also, I'm lucky because, like, just big fat guy that everybody likes. 0.98

02:14:23.000 One of the fucking best guys to be. 0.97

02:14:25.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

02:14:26.000 You don't have to look good.

02:14:27.000 I never have to worry about that.

02:14:28.000 I just have to stay alive long enough to enjoy it.

02:14:31.000 You just gotta stay funny.

02:14:32.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:14:33.000 You don't want to be the bitter fat guy. 0.93

02:14:34.000 That's a tough guy to be. 0.96

02:14:35.000 But the funny fat guy, it's a great gig.

02:14:37.000 Great gig. 0.99

02:14:38.000 One of the best in the fucking universe. 0.99

02:14:40.000 I'm a good time. 0.99

02:14:41.000 I'm a great hang.

02:14:43.000 When I'm in party mode, there is...

02:14:46.000 I mean, we're eating like animals.

02:14:48.000 I know the best places. 1.00

02:14:49.000 I get fucked up all the time. 0.99

02:14:50.000 But now I'm like, let me fucking survive the road. 1.00

02:14:53.000 Let me stay sober. 0.96

02:14:54.000 So you're staying sober and you're trying to exercise.

02:14:57.000 Yeah, I'm working out.

02:14:58.000 My little brother, actually, he started a gym, Odyssey Strength, in Maryland.

02:15:03.000 He...

02:15:04.000 We did some video series.

02:15:06.000 Over the summer, we did a workout series together.

02:15:08.000 He's a great trainer.

02:15:09.000 He really is.

02:15:09.000 My brother, Nick.

02:15:11.000 And he's got a little workout plan for me where it's like, you know, if I miss a day because I'm traveling or whatever, it's a full-body workout.

02:15:18.000 He's got me on a thing.

02:15:19.000 And I haven't maintained the weight loss, but I keep working out.

02:15:22.000 I'm getting stronger.

02:15:23.000 I've stayed sober.

02:15:24.000 And it's like little baby steps because it's like...

02:15:28.000 You have to realize if this is what you want, if stand-up and touring is what you want, this is just what my life's going to be like, so I have to figure out how to get healthy within it. 0.70

02:15:35.000 At one point I was fantasizing about, I'm going to take a year off, and I'm just going to fucking do everything right. 0.90

02:15:43.000 And that would be great. 0.95

02:15:44.000 I would really enjoy that.

02:15:45.000 Because I lost a lot of weight during the pandemic because all I had to do was focus, and I really liked it. 0.98

02:15:51.000 But then life fucking happens. 0.92

02:15:53.000 And it's like, if you want to be on the road, it's hard. 0.99

02:15:55.000 There's obstacles.

02:15:56.000 And I don't have... 0.99

02:15:56.000 My fucking willpower is not great. 0.99

02:15:58.000 Yeah, but you can develop that. 0.99

02:16:00.000 You really can.

02:16:01.000 And that's what I'm trying to do.

02:16:02.000 It seems like you're doing it.

02:16:03.000 So I'm trying, step by step.

02:16:04.000 Next tour, I'm going to try doing some meal...

02:16:06.000 Meal prep?

02:16:08.000 Meal delivery stuff to the hotel and just like...

02:16:10.000 That's a great move.

02:16:11.000 That's the next move.

02:16:12.000 So step by step.

02:16:13.000 That's a really good move.

02:16:14.000 He's been great. 0.99

02:16:15.000 It's really nice to have a fucking health professional. 0.99

02:16:19.000 As a brother. 1.00

02:16:20.000 That's amazing. 0.99

02:16:21.000 And I feel like a dumbass for not reaching out. 0.97

02:16:25.000 He was like, why didn't you hit me up on the road? 0.95

02:16:29.000 Because when we went back, when I went back the summer after, I was in great shape for me after the pandemic, and then I toured for the whole year.

02:16:38.000 And dude, it was like, when I went back, I was like, let's go, bro.

02:16:41.000 Let's get jacked.

02:16:42.000 He was like, you're not even touching weights. 0.99

02:16:45.000 I was fucking opening bands up. 0.99

02:16:47.000 I was doing like fucking... 0.99

02:16:48.000 Oh, he's very smart then. 0.99

02:16:49.000 That's good.

02:16:50.000 No, he's great. 1.00

02:16:50.000 Nick is fucking... 1.00

02:16:51.000 Nico Halkis. 1.00

02:16:52.000 Check him out.

02:16:52.000 Check out Odyssey Strength.

02:16:54.000 Yeah, a friend of mine decided to start working out.

02:16:55.000 Went to this trainer.

02:16:57.000 Got three hernias.

02:16:58.000 That's what would have happened.

02:16:59.000 I'm like, what happened?

02:17:00.000 And he's like, he had me doing way too much, way too hard.

02:17:04.000 And he's an older guy.

02:17:04.000 Right.

02:17:05.000 Now he's kind of fucked. 1.00

02:17:06.000 Yeah, dude, my brother had me doing the kind of workouts an old woman does when she breaks her hip. 1.00

02:17:12.000 You know what I mean?

02:17:12.000 That's very smart of him.

02:17:14.000 Well, he loves you.

02:17:15.000 That's awesome.

02:17:16.000 No, he's the man.

02:17:17.000 You follow Action Bronson? 0.99

02:17:19.000 I fucking love Action Bronson. 0.99

02:17:20.000 My man. 1.00

02:17:21.000 Action Bronson's a shit. 1.00

02:17:22.000 I worked out with Action Bronson when he was here. 1.00

02:17:24.000 When he was in town to do my podcast, we went and worked out at the Onnit gym.

02:17:28.000 That dude gets after it. 0.97

02:17:29.000 We did a kettlebell workout under John Wolf, and he fucking gets after it every day, that guy does. 0.96

02:17:34.000 And he was so much bigger than you. 0.97

02:17:36.000 He was so big and so unhealthy, and he had a kid, and he's like, I gotta fix my life.

02:17:40.000 No, I get that.

02:17:41.000 Honestly, I love that little story.

02:17:43.000 And I do think, as much as I don't think I can take a whole year off, I am really looking...

02:17:47.000 Even this winter, I'm taking four weeks off, and I'm just going just all health before the tour starts. 0.97

02:17:54.000 And that'll be fun, because, yeah, Aksha Bronson just fucking... 1.00

02:17:57.000 He was... 0.98

02:17:57.000 Just dedicated. 0.98

02:17:58.000 Dedicated.

02:17:59.000 That's awesome.

02:17:59.000 That's awesome to see.

02:18:00.000 Still is. 1.00

02:18:00.000 He's a fucking everyday guy. 1.00

02:18:02.000 It's amazing. 1.00

02:18:02.000 That's sick. 1.00

02:18:03.000 Yeah, it's amazing. 0.98

02:18:04.000 No, I want big arms, little titties.

02:18:05.000 That's my goal, dude. 0.64

02:18:07.000 What is he doing?

02:18:08.000 Pro wrestling now?

02:18:09.000 He's wrestling now, yeah.

02:18:10.000 He's jacked now, dude.

02:18:11.000 He's awesome.

02:18:12.000 He used to be a big guy, now he's a big jack guy.

02:18:14.000 He did...

02:18:14.000 Sam Morel, me and Sam, he had a show.

02:18:18.000 Sam was the host of the show on MSG. He's the man.

02:18:22.000 He's just checking, body checking people, knocking them to the ground.

02:18:26.000 Boom.

02:18:27.000 Oh, look at this. 0.99

02:18:28.000 This is so ridiculous. 0.99

02:18:29.000 Nah, he's the man. 0.96

02:18:30.000 He did a lot for the plus-size community.

02:18:32.000 Well, he showed you there's a way out.

02:18:34.000 Yeah.

02:18:34.000 You can become healthy.

02:18:35.000 He's so much healthier.

02:18:36.000 No, him and Ethan Supli. 1.00

02:18:38.000 Ethan's a fucking man. 1.00

02:18:39.000 Yes. 1.00

02:18:39.000 Ethan's a man, too. 1.00

02:18:40.000 I love that guy.

02:18:40.000 He's the guy that I told him, I go, if I saw you today, I'd be like, that's the guy I avoided in jujitsu class.

02:18:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:45.000 Fuck outta here, you big gorilla. 1.00

02:18:47.000 He's so big. 1.00

02:18:48.000 But he started out mad.

02:18:50.000 He broke his stitches.

02:18:52.000 He got skin removed, lost the weight, and then regained it to the point where he had to get more done. 0.97

02:18:59.000 But he's honest about it all, and now he looks fucking amazing. 0.62

02:19:02.000 No, he's the man. 0.79

02:19:03.000 He's just such a cool dude.

02:19:04.000 He's just a really interesting guy, too.

02:19:06.000 Interesting guy to talk to. 1.00

02:19:07.000 And look at his fucking career. 1.00

02:19:08.000 I know. 0.99

02:19:09.000 He's worked with every cool director.

02:19:11.000 He's been around forever. 0.98

02:19:12.000 And so many fucking cool... 1.00

02:19:13.000 From childhood shit to Scorsese movies. 1.00

02:19:17.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

02:19:18.000 Whenever a person can become super healthy in front of everybody like that, That's a giant, it's a huge, like, force of energy for people. 1.00

02:19:28.000 Look how big he is now. 0.99

02:19:30.000 He's fucking jacked. 1.00

02:19:31.000 He's jacked as shit. 1.00

02:19:31.000 And look how, like, overweight he was on the left, and look who he looks like now. 1.00

02:19:35.000 I mean, for people that are, like, out there that don't have hope, and they feel like they fucked their life up impossibly, you see that guy and you go, oh, he did it in front of everybody.

02:19:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:19:46.000 He did it in front of the whole world.

02:19:47.000 Yeah, and it wasn't easy either. 1.00

02:19:48.000 Like, that shit's fucking tough. 1.00

02:19:50.000 And he fucking slipped a few times. 1.00

02:19:52.000 Yeah, and that's human. 0.99

02:19:53.000 That's the other thing. 0.99

02:19:54.000 That's the other thing is that, like, yeah, shit happens, dude. 0.99

02:19:56.000 And especially when your biggest thing is food. 0.99

02:19:59.000 Like, for me, I can do a lot of drugs. 0.99

02:20:01.000 I can fucking stop doing them. 0.96

02:20:02.000 I'm pretty lucky in that where I don't really get addicted. 0.99

02:20:05.000 It's food.

02:20:07.000 Food gets me...

02:20:08.000 It is the drug.

02:20:09.000 I've stayed sober on this tour, and I've been healthier, but I still...

02:20:15.000 My eating is what slips, and that's what...

02:20:16.000 So that's why I was like, dude, sobriety will help.

02:20:20.000 It'll keep the guardrails so you don't go crazy.

02:20:23.000 When I get high, it's like, forget it. 0.98

02:20:25.000 We're ordering fucking six entrees just to have a little taste of everything. 0.97

02:20:28.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

02:20:29.000 Yeah, after shows especially, right?

02:20:30.000 You feel like you deserve it.

02:20:31.000 There's nothing better.

02:20:33.000 Truly, like, heaven is the way I would like to do the road, and you don't get unhealthy.

02:20:37.000 Like, if you get more jacked according to how...

02:20:40.000 if you eat more, that's heaven.

02:20:42.000 It's like, I'm after a show, I'm eating 18 wings, and people are like, you should slow down.

02:20:45.000 It's like, I need the six-pack.

02:20:47.000 I gotta get the 24. I'm trying to get jacked.

02:20:48.000 Imagine if that was what got you jacked. 0.97

02:20:50.000 If your body was like a furnace.

02:20:51.000 I'd be Ronnie Coleman, bro.

02:20:53.000 The more food you throw in there, the hotter it gets.

02:20:59.000 Imagine if it's all about how much food you ate. 1.00

02:21:02.000 I would be the fucking most jacked man of all time. 0.99

02:21:05.000 We would run out of food. 1.00

02:21:06.000 We would start eating each other.

02:21:07.000 If that was the case.

02:21:10.000 People would resort to catabolism.

02:21:12.000 We'd get rid of the crocodiles.

02:21:13.000 We'd be getting crocodile barbecue for sure.

02:21:16.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:21:18.000 But yeah, no, there's nothing better than, like, after a show.

02:21:20.000 Oh my god, food after shows, especially after you smoked a joint, and you go to a place that has good food, like... 0.96

02:21:24.000 Oh, it's the fucking best. 0.95

02:21:25.000 While you're eating, it's the most amazing food ever. 0.99

02:21:27.000 And you're with your friends.

02:21:28.000 Yes, you're having fun.

02:21:29.000 And the pressure, the show's off, you had a great time.

02:21:31.000 That's the hardest part about...

02:21:32.000 The worst part about comedy is that the day doesn't end.

02:21:36.000 You have something to worry about up until midnight.

02:21:39.000 Right.

02:21:39.000 Like, you wake up, and you're less stressed than you would be at 7 p.m., but it's like...

02:21:45.000 Breakfast is the only kind of non-stressful time when you're on the road because the show is so far away. 0.96

02:21:52.000 But you're not done for the day until fucking midnight. 0.91

02:21:55.000 And then if you're eating dinner, you've got to be careful. 0.98

02:21:57.000 How many hours do I have before the show?

02:21:59.000 Like, okay, I've got to cut down the carbs and no pasta.

02:22:04.000 Nothing's going to slow me down.

02:22:05.000 Totally, totally.

02:22:06.000 Because it'll slow your brain down.

02:22:07.000 That's what you don't realize.

02:22:09.000 You don't think about it. 1.00

02:22:10.000 When you have food digesting in your body, it slows your fucking brain down. 0.99

02:22:13.000 Yeah, dude, and I was just going on stage. 0.99

02:22:15.000 I was like, I could take an edible at 3 p.m.

02:22:19.000 and have a whole pizza and I'll sleep it off.

02:22:22.000 I was in Providence.

02:22:24.000 I did this little thing on YouTube.

02:22:26.000 It was like when the pleasure stops, because my last tour was the Prince of Pleasure tour, and the last stop was Providence in Philly, and I just brought my buddy Matt Salakuse along.

02:22:36.000 He's done stuff with Sam.

02:22:37.000 He directed his rooftop special.

02:22:39.000 And it was just... 0.99

02:22:40.000 My buddy Eldis, he was fucking... 0.98

02:22:42.000 He was with me. 1.00

02:22:44.000 He produces shit for me now. 1.00

02:22:46.000 And they just had a camera going. 1.00

02:22:48.000 And it just captured like... 0.99

02:22:50.000 Bro, I'm fucking... 0.99

02:22:51.000 I took edibles. 0.99

02:22:52.000 I thought they were 10 milligrams. 1.00

02:22:54.000 It was fucking... 0.99

02:22:55.000 Or I thought they were 5. They were 50s. 1.00

02:22:57.000 And I just have 100 milligrams going. 1.00

02:22:59.000 I'm eating like shit. 1.00

02:23:00.000 We have a fucking breakfast. 1.00

02:23:02.000 And I'm just like... 1.00

02:23:03.000 And the breakfast was supposed to be like a good meal for the day. 0.99

02:23:05.000 I'm like, I'm ordering fucking... 0.98

02:23:06.000 Oh, we'll get a creme brulee French toast for the table. 0.99

02:23:10.000 The fat guy move for the table and just like, I'm crushing seven eighths of it.

02:23:14.000 You know what I mean?

02:23:15.000 It's like, wow, it's mine. 1.00

02:23:16.000 You know, that kind of shit. 1.00

02:23:18.000 And I was just fucked. 1.00

02:23:19.000 I was just like, there was a show, the Saturday show, I was like, I'm in a fugue state. 0.99

02:23:23.000 I don't remember what the fuck's going on here because I'm I'm off that. 0.84

02:23:27.000 That next day after edibles is the best feeling, like, I find where you're, like, not as high, but it's still, like, in your system. 0.98

02:23:33.000 You're relaxed.

02:23:34.000 You're just relaxed, but you're still, like, you don't want to be doing work.

02:23:37.000 Right. 0.99

02:23:38.000 You want to be fucking looking up the fucking, you know, crocodile videos. 1.00

02:23:41.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:23:42.000 You want to see baboons get their shit rocked. 1.00

02:23:44.000 And I was just like, full of pancakes. 0.99

02:23:47.000 And then we had a full, we're in Providence, so we go to Little Italy. 0.99

02:23:50.000 Full fucking Italian chicken cutlet. 1.00

02:23:53.000 I mean, I was fucked up, dude. 1.00

02:23:55.000 And you know what? 0.99

02:23:55.000 What's funny is, it does slow your brain down, but it's like, it kind of goes back to what we were talking about earlier, where I love when a fat athlete You know what I mean? 0.99

02:24:02.000 Like John Daly.

02:24:03.000 Yeah, it's John Daly because it's like, yeah, you have to have finesse.

02:24:07.000 You know what I mean?

02:24:08.000 You can't be a pure power player, so you have to actually be more aware of what you have because you're not firing on all cylinders.

02:24:15.000 And you can get by on just pure, I don't know, muscle memory, whatever.

02:24:20.000 And those were actually pretty fun.

02:24:22.000 That's the irony is I'm actually pretty good at comp.

02:24:32.000 If you're not having fun, it's very hard to be funny.

02:24:35.000 If you're not having fun, even if you're saying the same thing.

02:24:37.000 No, that's a great point.

02:24:39.000 My favorite kind of comedy is just like... 0.99

02:24:41.000 When you're trying to have a fucking good time. 0.98

02:24:43.000 When it's like, I'm telling you about me. 0.99

02:24:46.000 I'm telling you about personal stories.

02:24:48.000 I personally am not trying to make a lot of points. 0.99

02:24:51.000 I'm trying to tell you about a time my dick wasn't getting hard. 0.98

02:24:54.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

02:24:55.000 I'm telling you about embarrassing myself sexually.

02:24:58.000 You're having fun.

02:24:59.000 We were talking a little bit about podcasts.

02:25:02.000 That's what I realized.

02:25:03.000 A podcast, when you're really doing it right, is just about having fun. 0.99

02:25:07.000 I was going to just stop podcasting and then I was like, fuck it. 0.99

02:25:09.000 It's pretty fun. 0.99

02:25:10.000 No, it's the most fun.

02:25:11.000 It's the next level of what started with the Opie and Anthony show.

02:25:15.000 What started with the Opie and Anthony show was if they had comics on, they would hang. 0.97

02:25:19.000 And we'd all just talk shit to each other and it was so much fun. 0.93

02:25:21.000 And you always look forward to it. 0.99

02:25:22.000 It was the only morning show that I would legitimately always look forward to.

02:25:25.000 Oh yeah, because that's in the era where every morning show...

02:25:28.000 Thank God I came up and pop.

02:25:29.000 Like, I've only done two morning shows as a headliner.

02:25:32.000 Oh, you got lucky.

02:25:33.000 But some of them were a lot of fun, man.

02:25:35.000 There was a bunch that I used to really enjoy doing.

02:25:36.000 Guys in Philly and Arizona and Seattle.

02:25:39.000 There was a bunch that were really fun.

02:25:41.000 But, you know, some of them were dry.

02:25:43.000 And some of them, the DJ was kind of douchey.

02:25:46.000 Of course.

02:25:46.000 And some of them, they were really cool.

02:25:47.000 Because they're these little kings of their own little domain.

02:25:50.000 Exactly.

02:25:50.000 And they hate when someone actually is funnier than them.

02:25:53.000 It's also like you're the most renegade of all art forms.

02:25:56.000 You just went to bed an hour ago. 0.90

02:25:58.000 You smell like tequila.

02:26:00.000 You've got glitter on your face for some reason. 1.00

02:26:03.000 And you're sitting there talking shit and you're entertaining and you're having fun. 0.99

02:26:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:26:08.000 You know, and some guys bring the people in, like Bert Kreischer, he'll get everybody drunk with him.

02:26:12.000 Yeah.

02:26:13.000 You know, and he'll, like, bring the party to those things.

02:26:15.000 He's really good at...

02:26:15.000 He was really, always really...

02:26:16.000 I don't think he does morning shows anymore.

02:26:18.000 He probably doesn't have to.

02:26:19.000 Yeah.

02:26:19.000 But he might do them if he's doing it for a friend.

02:26:22.000 If he wants to.

02:26:22.000 Yeah.

02:26:22.000 He's also, like, the kind of lunatic that likes doing shows.

02:26:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.75

02:26:25.000 He would do it for a friend, guys that he knows from back in the day. 0.75

02:26:28.000 But the point is like- After he's been drunk all night.

02:26:30.000 I remember I was in Tampa and I was opening for Bobby and he brought me in to do morning radio with him.

02:26:39.000 We were at Sidesplitters and Bert was at the Improv or whatever. 0.98

02:26:43.000 And Bert was getting fucked up and he was about to run a fucking marathon that day or something. 0.99

02:26:49.000 And I was like, what? 0.99

02:26:51.000 Me and Bobby had driven through the night, so we only had like a few hours of sleep.

02:26:54.000 And I was like, I feel like a bus hit me.

02:26:57.000 I'm, you know, however much younger than this guy. 0.99

02:26:59.000 And he's just getting fucked up at 6 a.m. 0.98

02:27:01.000 He's gonna go do two shows and run a marathon. 0.98

02:27:03.000 Well, as much as Bert drinks, he's always consistently worked out.

02:27:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:27:07.000 I think that makes a big difference. 0.93

02:27:08.000 Because, like, when we did this Sober October fitness challenge a few years ago, he put in real fucking numbers every day. 0.97

02:27:14.000 Yeah. 0.94

02:27:15.000 Because we ought to wear a chest strap to read how much exercise you've done.

02:27:19.000 He put in real numbers every day.

02:27:20.000 So the dude, even though he would hammer the booze, he also works out.

02:27:25.000 And that's his strategy.

02:27:26.000 His strategy is to keep his body healthy so he can drink.

02:27:29.000 That makes sense.

02:27:29.000 Respect.

02:27:30.000 I respect, man.

02:27:32.000 I mean, obviously it's working.

02:27:35.000 How do you not love the guy?

02:27:36.000 He's one of the best people ever.

02:27:38.000 He's a great hang.

02:27:40.000 Yeah, he's such a character.

02:27:41.000 But no, you're right.

02:27:42.000 It is just like a...

02:27:44.000 A pod is fun.

02:27:46.000 That's what I realized.

02:27:47.000 And the last pod I did was super fun.

02:27:48.000 And this one that I'm doing now, I just started at Stavi's World.

02:27:53.000 I had Sam Morel, actually.

02:27:54.000 He was my first guest.

02:27:55.000 So it's like fun.

02:27:56.000 It's like I'm doing...

02:27:57.000 Why did you stop...

02:27:58.000 The last one?

02:27:59.000 Yeah.

02:28:00.000 Dude, I was a little burned out.

02:28:01.000 It was at the end of that tour, like we were talking about, where I was just like, I gained a lot of weight.

02:28:05.000 I had overworked myself, because coming out of the pandemic, I tried to make up for a whole year off by just never getting off the road.

02:28:12.000 Right. 0.99

02:28:13.000 And it's just like, it was little shit. 0.99

02:28:15.000 It's like, you know, I was like, I just want to focus on stand-up, and I just want to like... 0.98

02:28:21.000 And I think at a certain point, we had kind of creatively gotten a little stale, and we were all just like, I don't know, kind of like I was feeling like maybe there's another thing.

02:28:30.000 I want to pour all my energy into stand-up.

02:28:34.000 And it was just like, dude, I kind of just stopped everything.

02:28:38.000 I took a little break, and I put the special out, and I thought I was just going to take it easy. 0.98

02:28:44.000 I thought it was like, alright, I'm just gonna regroup, I'll take some time off, start building the next special slowly, and then I was just like, fucking YouTube and TikTok and all this shit, as much as we shit on it, like, that shit jumped my career up, where I was like, fuck, I can't really take a break now, 0.90

02:28:59.000 because, like, I'm selling tickets like I'd never have sold before, and it was just kind of the thing where I was planning on just taking a lot of time off. 0.96

02:29:07.000 For how long?

02:29:07.000 How long are we gonna take it off?

02:29:09.000 I was just gonna focus on stand-up and try and get healthier, kind of like that year that I was dreaming about.

02:29:14.000 And it was like the summer that I spent with my brother, I thought it was gonna be three months.

02:29:17.000 It ended up being like four weeks.

02:29:19.000 Well, here's one thing you can do.

02:29:20.000 You can hold yourself accountable by talking about it publicly.

02:29:24.000 That's true.

02:29:25.000 On your podcast.

02:29:25.000 That's true.

02:29:26.000 And when you do something like that, it's one of the things that I find whenever we do these Sober October things.

02:29:30.000 We tell everybody what we have to do every day.

02:29:32.000 Yeah, that is true.

02:29:32.000 And then we're held accountable.

02:29:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:29:34.000 Yeah, and then like you say, you have a goal and you work towards that goal and people get to see it.

02:29:38.000 And then they can become invested in it and they root for you.

02:29:40.000 That's true.

02:29:41.000 And so I feel like for podcasts, for comics in this day and age, I feel like it's just as important as social media, if not more important, to have a podcast. 0.87

02:29:51.000 It's like even if you only like talk about shit that you think about in the news, like something wacky goes down. 0.79

02:29:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:29:58.000 You know, Kanye West says he loves Hitler. 0.99

02:30:00.000 Right, right, right.

02:30:01.000 Hilarious to see somebody make Alex Jones uncomfortable. 0.98

02:30:04.000 Yeah, some wild shit goes down in the world that you didn't expect, and you could talk about it. 0.96

02:30:09.000 And, you know, just do it on a regular basis, and people enjoy it. 0.97

02:30:14.000 And it doesn't have to be long, and it doesn't have to have guests.

02:30:17.000 In fact, Bill Burr, one of my favorite podcasts ever, no guest.

02:30:21.000 Tim Dillon, one of my favorite ever.

02:30:23.000 Very rarely does he have a guest on.

02:30:25.000 Yeah.

02:30:25.000 Most of the time it's just him and his producer.

02:30:28.000 And you develop a style of talking shit that is very entertaining. 0.99

02:30:34.000 For sure. 0.99

02:30:35.000 And it helps your writing.

02:30:36.000 I know it helps Tim's, and Bill says it helps his too, because you're constantly ranting about stuff.

02:30:42.000 And every now and then you can take those rants, extract them, And especially Dylan, because Dylan is essentially doing a one-audience member show.

02:30:49.000 It's insane, yeah, yeah.

02:30:50.000 It's wild.

02:30:51.000 And it's massively improved his stand-up, but also improved the amount of people that are coming to see him because of the podcast.

02:30:58.000 It's like all those things work in synergy, and everybody wants to get on a show, right?

02:31:02.000 Get on a show, it's great.

02:31:03.000 Get a paycheck.

02:31:04.000 You could do that yourself.

02:31:05.000 I think that's over.

02:31:06.000 No, I really think like...

02:31:09.000 YouTube and podcasts are so much...

02:31:11.000 I have friends who are on TV and it does not really change your life.

02:31:14.000 Well, you become a part of a system, right?

02:31:17.000 And you have to work on this thing that the system is creating.

02:31:20.000 And your other stuff is all on the side now.

02:31:23.000 And it's not as lucrative as it used to be. 0.98

02:31:25.000 It used to be it made sense because it's like, yeah, you get that fucking check. 0.98

02:31:30.000 You're good. 0.99

02:31:31.000 Well, it used to be if you became the person who the sitcom was named after, like Roseanne or Seinfeld, that's the fucking top of the mountain. 0.98

02:31:40.000 Yeah, yeah, that's true. 0.98

02:31:42.000 Then you're set for life.

02:31:43.000 Yeah, I mean, I think what I like doing on this one, so it's Stabby's World, it came out of like, I was doing an advice show over the pandemic because I wanted, I didn't feel like I was near an audience.

02:31:54.000 So I did it on Twitch, so it was live, and people would call in and I wouldn't screen, I wouldn't screen the calls, I had a producer and And so I would just respond to whatever questions people were asking off the top of my head.

02:32:04.000 And it was like I got to kind of experience a live show.

02:32:08.000 I got to kind of do crowd work.

02:32:10.000 And there's, you know, 600 people watching on Twitch.

02:32:12.000 And it felt kind of nice.

02:32:13.000 And then I realized I kind of liked it.

02:32:15.000 Like I liked the...

02:32:17.000 Like, advice part of it.

02:32:18.000 I liked kind of, you know, sharing my perspective with people.

02:32:20.000 And then I would interview my friends. 0.99

02:32:22.000 You know, comedians are all fucking... 1.00

02:32:24.000 They have some kind of mental illness, some kind of hang-up, something. 1.00

02:32:27.000 So it was always fun to interview a friend for, like, a half hour, talk about their shit. 1.00

02:32:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:32:31.000 And then get into it with the... 0.99

02:32:32.000 And then just roast, you know, voicemails or whatever. 0.99

02:32:35.000 And it's a fun little, like, lovingly shit on your friend... 0.99

02:32:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:39.000 Like, lovingly shit on your callers and, like... 1.00

02:32:42.000 And then also try and give some good advice. 0.99

02:32:44.000 And so I'm excited for it.

02:32:46.000 And it's cool.

02:32:48.000 I got my best friend who I grew up with to be the producer.

02:32:52.000 He has no idea how to do anything.

02:32:54.000 Perfect. 1.00

02:32:54.000 So it's like he's fucking shit up. 1.00

02:32:56.000 But he's learning really good. 1.00

02:32:57.000 But it's fun.

02:32:58.000 It's really fun.

02:32:58.000 And the last show was super great too.

02:32:59.000 We had a blast.

02:33:01.000 And we made some hilarious stuff.

02:33:03.000 But it's also like you want to be doing the next thing.

02:33:05.000 And you want to always kind of be evolving a little bit.

02:33:07.000 So, I'm looking forward to it.

02:33:09.000 Well, you got a good attitude, dude.

02:33:10.000 It's smart.

02:33:11.000 Thank you, bro.

02:33:11.000 And I'm glad you're doing it again.

02:33:12.000 Yeah.

02:33:13.000 I think everybody should...

02:33:14.000 I mean, if you want to.

02:33:15.000 It doesn't mean that you don't have to.

02:33:16.000 There's a lot of great comics that don't have one.

02:33:18.000 Yeah.

02:33:19.000 Business-wise, also, it's just like...

02:33:20.000 It's smart.

02:33:21.000 It's just, you got to do it.

02:33:22.000 So, Stavi's World.

02:33:23.000 Go subscribe, everybody.

02:33:24.000 And it's on everything?

02:33:25.000 It's on everything.

02:33:26.000 It's on YouTube.

02:33:27.000 It's on Spotify, whatever.

02:33:28.000 Sam Marill was our first guest.

02:33:31.000 Our second guest, the R U Garbage guys.

02:33:33.000 I don't know if you know them.

02:33:33.000 They're very funny.

02:33:34.000 Nice.

02:33:35.000 They're really great.

02:33:35.000 And then a lot of great people, you know, Soda, Joe List.

02:33:38.000 Is that Ryan Wong, R U Garbage?

02:33:40.000 No, no, no. 0.88

02:33:41.000 His is...

02:33:42.000 I forget what Ryan's... 0.99

02:33:45.000 Are You Garbage?

02:33:46.000 is Foley and Kevin Ryan.

02:33:48.000 Philly guys, very funny guys.

02:33:50.000 There's a lot of good ones out there now.

02:33:52.000 It's a fun time for comedy because comics, there's a gang of us out there.

02:33:59.000 Where we communicate with each other.

02:34:01.000 We do each other's podcasts.

02:34:02.000 We do shows together.

02:34:04.000 It's a rare time.

02:34:06.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:34:07.000 It's an interesting time.

02:34:08.000 It almost feels like everyone is kind of reinventing a network.

02:34:14.000 You know what I mean?

02:34:14.000 It just feels like we're kind of reinventing everything.

02:34:16.000 Like you were saying, you were just getting blasted on a fucking MacBook 12 years ago. 1.00

02:34:21.000 And like, look at this shit. 1.00

02:34:22.000 We're in a compound. 1.00

02:34:23.000 There's fucking bidets in your bathroom. 1.00

02:34:26.000 I didn't have to shit. 1.00

02:34:27.000 I just put my ass on it to just be clean. 1.00

02:34:30.000 I was like, it's fucking moved. 0.99

02:34:32.000 Even YouTube, I kind of feel like I just kind of started throwing my shit up there just to see what would happen to prep for the special coming out. 0.97

02:34:40.000 Now there's a legit audience and now I get to do fun stuff like make a workout series with my brother. 0.52

02:34:47.000 That's not strictly stand-up, but it's funny.

02:34:49.000 You do anything you want, man.

02:34:51.000 It's pretty fun. 1.00

02:34:51.000 If you're into fucking baseball cards, it doesn't matter. 1.00

02:34:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:34:55.000 Do whatever the fuck you want. 1.00

02:34:56.000 That's the thing about the world that we're living in now. 0.99

02:34:59.000 There's so much more freedom of expression, even though people are trying to clamp down on it and everyone's talking about censorship.

02:35:04.000 And there's a lot of that, too.

02:35:05.000 But that just seems to be a part of the natural human experience.

02:35:10.000 Like, when people get into positions of power, they want to silence opposing voices.

02:35:16.000 Those voices bother them.

02:35:17.000 It doesn't matter if it's Republicans or Democrats.

02:35:19.000 People constantly do it.

02:35:21.000 And they always want to blame the left is always censoring and then the right is always...

02:35:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.94

02:35:25.000 But it seems like it's a fucking normal human thing to do. 0.94

02:35:29.000 And the internet is like one of the rare times ever where like a break in the dam. 0.97

02:35:35.000 Yeah.

02:35:35.000 And just...

02:35:36.000 I do think that's true where it's like you can like... 0.99

02:35:40.000 You can fucking find your... 0.96

02:35:42.000 Even if someone is trying to, quote, cancel you or whatever. 0.99

02:35:45.000 It's like, look at Shane or look at whatever.

02:35:47.000 It's like, you can figure it out.

02:35:48.000 A lot of people, like, you know, have a career despite those attempts or whatever. 0.99

02:35:53.000 And it's like, I've said some fucked up shit as a joke. 0.98

02:35:56.000 I get, you know, maybe some people try and cancel me. 0.99

02:35:58.000 But it's like, I'm trying to build my own audience and I'm trying to just, like...

02:36:01.000 You're also doing comedy live, right? 1.00

02:36:04.000 And if you're talking shit, you take chances. 0.99

02:36:06.000 And sometimes you don't even realize what you're saying while you're saying it. 1.00

02:36:10.000 You're trying to be funny.

02:36:12.000 Patrice had a great line about that.

02:36:14.000 It's like a joke that bombs and a joke that kills all comes from the same place.

02:36:19.000 The person who's just trying to be funny.

02:36:20.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:36:21.000 That's true.

02:36:21.000 It's the intention of it.

02:36:23.000 The intention is never to hurt someone.

02:36:25.000 Yeah, and you do have to, like, you know, you have to...

02:36:28.000 What did Chris Rock say?

02:36:29.000 There's been racist versions of all his jokes or something like that when he was figuring them out.

02:36:34.000 Well, Chris, that one bit that became one of his best bits ever, that I love black people but I hate N-words.

02:36:42.000 Sure, sure.

02:36:42.000 That bit is a fantastic bit.

02:36:44.000 And apparently, like, he struggled with that bit for a long time before he got it to work.

02:36:48.000 Right, right, right.

02:36:49.000 Because sometimes when you have a complicated idea in your head...

02:36:52.000 Of course. 0.99

02:36:52.000 ...you're like, how do I get this fucking thing to work? 0.99

02:36:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

02:36:55.000 And you can almost bail on it, and then it becomes, like, your closing bit. 0.98

02:36:58.000 Louie said something where he had, like, the joke about...

02:37:01.000 It's, like, molesting children.

02:37:05.000 Where it's, like, people would, like, survive if they didn't...

02:37:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:37:09.000 ...or more children would survive if, like, you know, if we didn't...

02:37:12.000 We're so mean to child molesters, which is, like... 0.99

02:37:17.000 Even saying that, I'm like, god damn. 0.98

02:37:19.000 But it would have been interesting to see where the bit went, I suppose. 0.97

02:37:25.000 But yeah, I do think there's a freedom to do whatever you want.

02:37:27.000 But didn't that bit make it on a special?

02:37:29.000 I'm not sure.

02:37:30.000 I think that bit might have made it on a special.

02:37:32.000 I just remember talking about it back in the day.

02:37:35.000 Yeah, I think he might have actually figured out a way to make that work.

02:37:40.000 Interesting.

02:37:40.000 Yeah, but he could do that.

02:37:43.000 That's what he likes to do, too.

02:37:45.000 Yeah, I do think that, like, you should have that leeway, but I also think, like, sometimes...

02:37:50.000 It is, like...

02:37:52.000 I do think, like, you should be able to say whatever you want, but it's also, like, using nuclear weapons, where it's like, yeah, Chris Rock can do it, but not every fucking open-miker can do it.

02:38:01.000 Of course. 0.61

02:38:02.000 You know what I mean?

02:38:02.000 It's like, that's what it is about.

02:38:03.000 But how do they learn how to do it?

02:38:04.000 They learn how to do it by stumbling.

02:38:06.000 They learn how to do it by trying.

02:38:07.000 But with easier stuff, right?

02:38:09.000 But they don't know that while they're doing it. 0.98

02:38:11.000 It's like, you wouldn't spar fucking, you know, you wouldn't spar with BJ Penn to learn. 0.98

02:38:15.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

02:38:16.000 But here's the thing, you might have to.

02:38:18.000 If you were in a jiu-jitsu class. 0.99

02:38:20.000 The point is, if you're a comic, but if you're a comic and you're on stage, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

02:38:25.000 You don't have a coach. 0.97

02:38:27.000 You don't have a trainer.

02:38:28.000 No one's showing you how to do it. 0.98

02:38:29.000 And if you're a dumb kid and you're 21 years old and you have this complicated idea in your head, you think you're going to figure out how to make funny in front of these people, but you fall flat on your face, you should still try it. 0.98

02:38:39.000 That's how you learn. 1.00

02:38:40.000 You learn by fucking up. 1.00

02:38:41.000 Yeah, I would say keep it to, like, but you do have this epidemic of, like, young kids who think they're ready for the big shit, and it's like, you're not, bro. 0.99

02:38:50.000 You didn't feel like that when you were young? 0.99

02:38:52.000 You talked about how you did.

02:38:53.000 I guess that's true, but I guess I didn't drop any n-bombs, I'll put it there. 1.00

02:38:57.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

02:38:57.000 I did, but I was talking about wiping my own ass and, you know, how little my... 0.98

02:39:02.000 Still the same ideas. 0.99

02:39:03.000 But everybody's delusional about their ability.

02:39:06.000 Yes, for sure.

02:39:07.000 And for young guys coming up, you have all this testosterone and fucking zero clue on how the world works yet, and you start making a living doing comedy, or you start doing open mics and getting laughs, and you think you're profound.

02:39:20.000 Yeah, absolutely. 0.69

02:39:21.000 There's a lot of people that pretend to be profound.

02:39:24.000 And then you watch back.

02:39:25.000 Pretending to be profound on stage.

02:39:26.000 One of the worst things of all time.

02:39:27.000 One of the most painful things.

02:39:28.000 I just, in general, don't like making a point.

02:39:31.000 I like telling a funny story.

02:39:33.000 It's more fun.

02:39:33.000 It's more fun to not make a point.

02:39:34.000 And a lot of people love that.

02:39:36.000 We talked about it the other day about Bill Hicks.

02:39:39.000 Bill Hicks was such a revolutionary comedian because all he had was points.

02:39:44.000 Everything was intense points. 0.73

02:39:45.000 But it fucked a lot of people up because a lot of young dorks imitated him. 0.97

02:39:49.000 Fully. 0.98

02:39:49.000 And they tried to include... 0.98

02:39:50.000 I definitely probably did.

02:39:52.000 I definitely had some...

02:39:53.000 Pontification. 0.98

02:39:53.000 Yeah, I definitely had some nonsense that I fucking tried. 0.98

02:39:58.000 Because when I first saw him, I was 21. I was super impressionable. 0.95

02:40:01.000 I was an open-miker.

02:40:02.000 There was a bunch of those guys that you'd see and you'd found yourself sounding like them.

02:40:06.000 Absolutely.

02:40:08.000 Patrice would call them babies.

02:40:10.000 He's like, Patrice's got so many babies all around town.

02:40:12.000 Oh, Patrice, for generations.

02:40:14.000 Generations had babies.

02:40:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:40:16.000 Robin Harris had a lot of babies. 0.99

02:40:17.000 There was a lot of people that imitated Robin Harris when he was at the top in L.A. Back in the 90s.

02:40:23.000 There's a bunch of those guys that are super influential, very charismatic people, and everybody just, Brody Stevens!

02:40:29.000 People would talk like Brody!

02:40:31.000 A lot of people were doing Kinane in Brooklyn when I was coming up.

02:40:34.000 There's a lot of Kinanes going on. 1.00

02:40:37.000 There's a lot of people that did Stanhope.

02:40:40.000 Oh, without question.

02:40:41.000 A lot of people did Stanhope.

02:40:42.000 Yeah.

02:40:42.000 I mean, there was times where I was just like, I couldn't...

02:40:44.000 There were some comedians that I didn't want to watch because I didn't want to, like...

02:40:47.000 Sean Patton's a great example of somebody.

02:40:49.000 He's got a special out.

02:40:50.000 Everybody should go see it on Peacock.

02:40:51.000 But I was just like, I loved Sean and I wanted to get how free he is on stage.

02:40:57.000 But I was just like, at a certain point, I was like, I don't think I can watch him because I'll just steal his swag.

02:41:02.000 You know what I mean?

02:41:03.000 You steal his fun, his energy.

02:41:06.000 And that's another thing with stand-up.

02:41:07.000 Energy is part of it.

02:41:09.000 Vibe is part of it.

02:41:11.000 And so, I don't know.

02:41:12.000 I try and just do my own.

02:41:14.000 Vibe is definitely part of it.

02:41:15.000 There's a lot What's going on up there, man?

02:41:16.000 I always say it's kind of like a mass hypnosis.

02:41:19.000 It's like everybody, like if a great comic's on stage, if you're on stage and you're killing, I'm letting you think for me.

02:41:25.000 Right, true.

02:41:25.000 I'm just sitting here like this and you're telling me these stories and all I'm doing is like letting you think for me.

02:41:31.000 You're telling me, I'm listening to what you're saying, I'm getting the picture, I'm just going along on this ride.

02:41:37.000 And when someone can do that to a large group of people, it's very similar to a kind of hypnosis.

02:41:42.000 It's a laughter hypnosis.

02:41:44.000 Yeah, no, absolutely.

02:41:45.000 It's like, and what's beautiful about it too is that like, Every show is different.

02:41:52.000 That's what I love.

02:41:53.000 A couple things that you were talking about earlier, where it's like, you are basically self-taught.

02:41:57.000 You can take a class, but it's not really...

02:41:59.000 No one teaches it like you.

02:42:02.000 Kurt Mesker's not going to teach a class.

02:42:04.000 Of course.

02:42:05.000 Mark Norman's not going to teach a class.

02:42:07.000 Right, right, right.

02:42:08.000 That's a great point.

02:42:09.000 The people that teach classes aren't usually people that did so good at it in the first place.

02:42:13.000 Exactly.

02:42:13.000 It's like they teach you to take the mic out of the stand and put the mic away.

02:42:18.000 There is no solution other than get on stage as much as possible.

02:42:23.000 You can get some advice from your peers.

02:42:25.000 That's helped me a lot.

02:42:27.000 Advice from my peers has helped me a lot.

02:42:28.000 But no one can tell you how to do it because the way you do it is different than the way Ari does it. 0.99

02:42:32.000 It's different than the way Shane does it.

02:42:34.000 You've got to kind of do it with your vibe. 0.97

02:42:36.000 And the other thing I really love is that fucking every show is different. 0.98

02:42:41.000 You'll never be in that room. 0.99

02:42:44.000 Those people will never be in the same room ever again. 1.00

02:42:46.000 And that shit rocks. 1.00

02:42:47.000 I love that. 1.00

02:42:48.000 And if people have their phones in those yonder bags, man, they're in the moment.

02:42:51.000 They're really there.

02:42:53.000 Comedy Works, great club.

02:42:55.000 They do that.

02:42:55.000 It's so good to do, man.

02:42:57.000 Every club should do it.

02:42:58.000 It changes the vibe of the show.

02:43:00.000 You're right.

02:43:00.000 People are way more present.

02:43:01.000 Oh, they're way more present.

02:43:02.000 They're not distracted at all by their phones. 0.99

02:43:05.000 And the comic's more free because you can fuck around on stage more. 0.99

02:43:08.000 Right, right, right. 0.99

02:43:08.000 The whole thing is better. 0.99

02:43:11.000 We're living in a strange time for comedy, but it's a really good time.

02:43:14.000 There's so many good comics coming up.

02:43:15.000 I think it's the best, yeah.

02:43:16.000 I love it.

02:43:16.000 I think it's like a golden era for up-and-coming talent.

02:43:19.000 And I don't even think it's a big deal.

02:43:22.000 Maybe there's a philosophical difference.

02:43:24.000 I don't even think it's a big deal to be a little restrained in what...

02:43:28.000 Because I think you can become funny around, like, societal constraints a little bit.

02:43:33.000 You know what I mean?

02:43:33.000 It's a challenge, for sure.

02:43:35.000 It's a challenge.

02:43:35.000 Jerry Seinfeld used to say that about being clean.

02:43:37.000 Right.

02:43:38.000 That it is a challenge to make a really funny joke clean.

02:43:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:43:42.000 Whereas, like, a lot of people, especially back then, they felt like swearing was somehow or another...

02:43:47.000 Cheap.

02:43:48.000 Like, cheap.

02:43:48.000 Yeah.

02:43:48.000 It was a cop-out.

02:43:49.000 Yeah.

02:43:50.000 Which is interesting.

02:43:51.000 I subscribe to that philosophy because that's how I grew up.

02:43:54.000 I started out in those clubs where I thought I was a loser because I like Dice Clay and Sam Kinnison.

02:43:59.000 I like Richard Pryor.

02:44:01.000 I like these guys who swore all the time.

02:44:03.000 Yeah, Richard Pryor was the man, of course.

02:44:04.000 But there's a value to learning how to construct a joke without swears.

02:44:08.000 Yeah.

02:44:08.000 So that when you fully express yourself where you normally would with swears, it's better because the joke stands by itself.

02:44:15.000 We watched Kinnison do his first Letterman the other day.

02:44:17.000 We did a Protect Our Parks.

02:44:19.000 And when we were watching it, we were like, look how good this guy is, and it's no swears.

02:44:23.000 He's doing Letterman.

02:44:24.000 I mean, that's an energy guy. 0.99

02:44:27.000 Where you're like, fuck, dude, this rules. 0.99

02:44:29.000 He was from another planet. 0.99

02:44:30.000 Like, no, dude, that guy, when he first came around, he changed comedy.

02:44:34.000 He was the first guy that I ever saw do comedy where I went like...

02:44:37.000 Maybe I could do comedy.

02:44:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:44:39.000 I thought comedy was like these guys sort of like rolled up sleeves, which is where I dressed like that when I first started. 0.92

02:44:46.000 Had a blazer on and shit, a funny t-shirt. 0.99

02:44:49.000 I was such a dork. 1.00

02:44:50.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:44:51.000 Little Twink Joe in the blazer. 1.00

02:44:54.000 But I was trying to imitate what a comedian was.

02:44:58.000 Of course.

02:44:58.000 I saw Kinnison and it made me think like, okay, maybe there's Other ways to do this.

02:45:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:45:05.000 And then I saw Dennis Leary, and I saw Hicks, and I saw a lot of these guys.

02:45:08.000 I was like, okay, comedy is a lot of things.

02:45:11.000 It's like you get a confused idea what comedy is.

02:45:14.000 And then luckily I started out in Boston, and all of those guys, like I talked about Lenny Clark and Don Gavin, they were all Coke snorting.

02:45:22.000 Of course.

02:45:22.000 Big, giant guys who got in barroom brawls.

02:45:25.000 I'm like, oh, this is comedy, too.

02:45:27.000 Like, whoa.

02:45:28.000 Well, Boston had a very...

02:45:29.000 I mean, because I was definitely a little fucking comedy nerd, so it's like, you know, it was one of the places that early had a very defined local scene with a lot of really good talent, where it's like...

02:45:39.000 And you see it. 0.83

02:45:40.000 You see who comes out of there from that era.

02:45:42.000 To this day, I've seen people kill harder in Boston at these local clubs, these local guys like Steve Sweeney, than I have any...

02:45:49.000 No one's killed harder.

02:45:50.000 It's like they've killed as hard as you can kill.

02:45:53.000 Right, right.

02:45:53.000 They maxed it out.

02:45:54.000 It doesn't get hard.

02:45:54.000 You get just as good.

02:45:56.000 And I've seen guys do just as good.

02:45:57.000 Right.

02:45:58.000 But they killed so hard.

02:46:00.000 And Kevin Meaney, he's another guy from Boston.

02:46:02.000 I saw him watch at Castle Rising Star with my friend from high school.

02:46:05.000 We went and sat there.

02:46:06.000 And I couldn't believe how funny it was.

02:46:09.000 It didn't make sense to me.

02:46:10.000 I didn't understand.

02:46:12.000 He would do this thing about big pants people. 0.97

02:46:15.000 That's not right!

02:46:16.000 We're big pants people!

02:46:18.000 And he was so...

02:46:20.000 So comfortable and so in the groove.

02:46:23.000 It was so funny.

02:46:25.000 It was perplexing.

02:46:27.000 I remember me and my friend Diane, we left there and we were like, how is he so funny?

02:46:31.000 How is someone so funny?

02:46:32.000 It's like for an hour and 15 minutes, he just destroyed.

02:46:37.000 Yeah, it's incredible.

02:46:40.000 It's nice because you get to just chase that.

02:46:43.000 You're like, I got to get that funny.

02:46:45.000 You just gotta just get better every time.

02:46:47.000 Just keep trying to get better, and then you're on a path, and then you'll look back.

02:46:52.000 Like, Dom Herrera said it to me once.

02:46:53.000 He goes, the beautiful thing about comedy is you can just keep getting better if you keep working on it.

02:46:57.000 It's not like a baseball player where your knees go.

02:47:00.000 Like, you can keep doing it.

02:47:01.000 You can keep getting better.

02:47:02.000 He's like, I'm so happy.

02:47:03.000 And, you know, Dom was like in his late 60s when he was telling me this.

02:47:06.000 He's like, I'm so happy I'm a comic. 0.99

02:47:07.000 I mean, Attell, you see that with Attell, because it's like, he's the fucking man. 0.99

02:47:10.000 Better than ever. 0.99

02:47:11.000 He's better than ever. 1.00

02:47:13.000 He's a monster.

02:47:14.000 And I do think sometimes it can be hard as you advance to continue to stay better because he has the discipline to... 0.95

02:47:23.000 He treats it like... 0.98

02:47:25.000 Dude, I opened for him and if he missed a little thing, you could tell he fucking hated it. 0.99

02:47:32.000 If he wasn't doing a hundred out of a hundred, it was like a fucking problem. 0.99

02:47:37.000 But that's the other thing. 0.98

02:47:39.000 It's like he thinks he messed something up.

02:47:41.000 In his mind, he didn't. 0.98

02:47:42.000 It was fucking great. 1.00

02:47:43.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

02:47:44.000 And you just see him work on his shit day after day. 1.00

02:47:47.000 The biggest thrill for me when I moved to New York was being on a show with fucking Dave Attell. 0.99

02:47:51.000 When I'm at the stand and it's the late show and he's coming in and you just see this guy, he's working on something, he's killing harder, and he has the discipline to not let being Dave Attell go to his head. 0.97

02:48:03.000 Well, the opposite.

02:48:05.000 It goes the opposite. 1.00

02:48:06.000 He fucking hates himself because of that. 0.99

02:48:09.000 He's his own harshest critic, but that's why he's so good. 0.99

02:48:13.000 That's why he's so good, because he's so harsh on himself and his delivery and his material.

02:48:17.000 Gillis is like that, too.

02:48:19.000 Gillis is like, I don't know, I want to do this George Washington bit. 1.00

02:48:22.000 I mean, shut the fuck up. 0.98

02:48:24.000 It's one of the best bits ever. 0.99

02:48:25.000 What are you talking about? 0.98

02:48:27.000 But it's like, that's why he's so good, because he's fucking hard on himself. 0.97

02:48:31.000 The guys that are like we were when we were younger, when you get delusional, you think you headline, you have 15 minutes. 0.92

02:48:38.000 That's not what you're supposed to be.

02:48:40.000 You're supposed to be the opposite.

02:48:41.000 You're supposed to be like, oh, the more you learn, the more terrified you get.

02:48:44.000 For sure. 0.97

02:48:45.000 And that's how you become a fucking, you know, an all-time great when you have that kind of work ethic. 0.99

02:48:49.000 But, you know, that's like Giannis Adetokounmpo where he's like, he works hard as fuck and he's the MVP. But I don't know, man. 0.99

02:48:55.000 I could just be a little, you know, I don't want to work that hard.

02:48:58.000 Like, I just want to have a good time also.

02:49:00.000 You don't have to work that hard.

02:49:01.000 The thing is, it's like doing what you're doing.

02:49:03.000 I want to be like Shaq.

02:49:04.000 Do what you do, but keep doing it.

02:49:05.000 It's not that you have to work that hard.

02:49:07.000 Just do it to your level of enjoyment.

02:49:10.000 Like, there's a balancing act.

02:49:11.000 If you become so obsessed that you spend all your time doing it, and then you become this miserable person who's really successful, that's not a success.

02:49:18.000 Because you're unhappy.

02:49:20.000 So there's like a balance.

02:49:21.000 Like, how much effort do you want to put in versus how much do you want to get out of it?

02:49:25.000 And you've got to figure out what that is to keep you normal. 0.99

02:49:28.000 For me, I just do a bunch of other shit, too. 0.98

02:49:31.000 That's how I keep from going nuts. 0.98

02:49:33.000 I do other things that I enjoy.

02:49:35.000 That's why podcasts help me.

02:49:36.000 Because I do this, too.

02:49:38.000 And then I do comedy, too.

02:49:39.000 And then I do the UFC too.

02:49:41.000 So in having these different things, I keep my mind occupied in different ways.

02:49:46.000 So it doesn't get burnt out.

02:49:48.000 Have you always been doing five different things?

02:49:51.000 Is that always how you were?

02:49:52.000 Usually I just do one thing.

02:49:54.000 But too crazy.

02:49:56.000 So I realized as I got older, I need other things.

02:49:59.000 I can't have just one thing.

02:50:00.000 I'm too crazy.

02:50:01.000 It's like directing my crazy in manageable doses.

02:50:05.000 Because one thing, like video games, I used to get addicted to Quake.

02:50:09.000 And I'd play eight hours a day, dude.

02:50:11.000 Hell yeah, dude.

02:50:11.000 I wouldn't stop.

02:50:13.000 I was addicted.

02:50:13.000 It was a real problem.

02:50:15.000 That's fucking hilarious. 0.98

02:50:16.000 It was a real problem. 0.99

02:50:17.000 And I get like that with martial arts.

02:50:19.000 I get like that with a lot of things.

02:50:20.000 Interesting.

02:50:20.000 So for me, I have to have other stuff.

02:50:22.000 Okay, that makes sense.

02:50:23.000 So if I have, like, I could get addicted like that to comedy, and that's great.

02:50:26.000 But the problem is like, mentally, when I get addicted to something, I get like super obsessed.

02:50:32.000 Right.

02:50:32.000 And it becomes the only thing I want to concentrate on.

02:50:34.000 So I'm thinking about it when I'm doing other stuff and I'm talking to people. 0.95

02:50:37.000 I'm really thinking about comedy or I'm really thinking about martial arts, whatever the fuck the thing is at the time.

02:50:42.000 So for me, the balancing act is having multiple interests.

02:50:45.000 Interesting, yeah.

02:50:46.000 That's just for me, though.

02:50:47.000 No, that makes sense.

02:50:48.000 Everybody's got their own weird way of managing.

02:50:50.000 Yeah, I definitely get locked into one thing at a time and I have a hard time switching gears.

02:50:55.000 So we were launching the podcast and I hadn't done stand-up in a couple weeks and now I'm about to do...

02:51:00.000 We were just trying to get everything figured out and recording some pods, because I also want to take January off, so you've got to bank some.

02:51:05.000 And so I was just in that mode, and now it's like...

02:51:08.000 It does take me a while, I feel like, to shift gears, to get into stand-up mode.

02:51:12.000 That's why the tour next year...

02:51:15.000 So it starts in February, and then we're going to go until May.

02:51:18.000 Almost the only thing I'm focusing on is stand-up, because I want to record a special at the end of that.

02:51:24.000 And then it's like, okay...

02:51:26.000 That's over.

02:51:27.000 Now I can kind of like shift gears and maybe, you know, do a little, you know, write a script, act.

02:51:33.000 I mean, I want to act. 0.99

02:51:34.000 I want to do that shit too. 0.99

02:51:35.000 But it's like, I definitely, I'm definitely in that mode where I'm like, I'm just addicted to something right now. 1.00

02:51:40.000 That's awesome.

02:51:41.000 You know, that's awesome too.

02:51:42.000 You're stating it publicly that it works.

02:51:44.000 So then people will be on your side.

02:51:45.000 They'll be with you while you're doing this.

02:51:47.000 Yeah.

02:51:47.000 Which is fun.

02:51:48.000 Yeah.

02:51:48.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:51:49.000 It's fun to put that out there.

02:51:50.000 And it also, like, it holds you accountable.

02:51:52.000 It's very difficult to do things, just decide, oh, I'm going to do this every day. 0.98

02:51:56.000 Because, like, if you don't, like, have a fucking list of shit that you have to get done, it's so easy to blow stuff off. 0.99

02:52:03.000 And also, it's like, when your fucking brain is all fucked, I don't know if you feel like you have ADD or whatever, but it's like, I definitely feel, like, I just, every time I look up an article that's like, you know, do you have, it's like, every part of it, it's like, I have that, I have Let's look it up. 1.00

02:52:19.000 How do you know if you have ADD? What are the symptoms of ADD, Jamie? 0.99

02:52:22.000 Because my boy, Ben O'Brien, he's the fucking man. 0.99

02:52:25.000 I know a Ben O'Brien. 0.99

02:52:26.000 I bet they're different guys.

02:52:26.000 Probably a different guy.

02:52:27.000 Pretty common.

02:52:28.000 A hunter in Montana.

02:52:30.000 Yeah, he's not the producer of my online content.

02:52:34.000 My creative producer.

02:52:36.000 No, he's the man. 0.97

02:52:37.000 Ben is so fucking funny. 0.96

02:52:39.000 But Ben's got like... 0.99

02:52:41.000 He has no ADD. Like, every artist, I feel like every, like, so many comedians have that shit, and Ben just doesn't. 1.00

02:52:48.000 And he was telling me, like, you definitely have this. 0.99

02:52:51.000 I was like, nah.

02:52:51.000 Well, let's find out what it is.

02:52:52.000 I'm just a little scattered.

02:52:53.000 What are the symptoms of ADD, young Jamie?

02:52:56.000 Let's go show them for children and teenagers, I guess.

02:52:58.000 Well, let's do it for that.

02:52:59.000 Yeah.

02:53:00.000 He's a teenager at heart.

02:53:02.000 Yeah.

02:53:02.000 Let's see what we got here.

02:53:04.000 Having a short attention span and being easily distracted.

02:53:07.000 Check.

02:53:07.000 Making careless mistakes, for example, in schoolwork.

02:53:10.000 Check.

02:53:11.000 Appearing forgetful or losing things.

02:53:13.000 Check.

02:53:14.000 Being unable to stick to tasks that are tedious or time-consuming.

02:53:17.000 Without question.

02:53:18.000 Triple check.

02:53:18.000 Yeah.

02:53:19.000 Appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions.

02:53:22.000 Nah, I can do that pretty good.

02:53:25.000 Constantly changing activity or task.

02:53:27.000 Check.

02:53:28.000 Having difficulty organizing tasks.

02:53:30.000 Check. 1.00

02:53:31.000 Organizing is the motherfucker. 1.00

02:53:32.000 Hyperactive and impulsiveness. 1.00

02:53:34.000 And then executive dysfunction, whatever that shit is. 0.99

02:53:36.000 Being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings. 1.00

02:53:39.000 I don't have that.

02:53:40.000 Constantly fidgeting. 0.98

02:53:41.000 I kind of have that when I'm sitting here doing podcasting, but that's just because I'm trying to be aware of my posture and shit. 0.97

02:53:46.000 Oh, nice. 0.95

02:53:47.000 Yeah, I like these chairs.

02:53:48.000 They're good.

02:53:49.000 Yeah, they're really good.

02:53:50.000 These are the only ones that I've ever found that are both comfortable and they keep me from having a sore back.

02:53:56.000 Because like office chairs, you kind of sit in a fucked up way and like the middle of my back would be tight at the end of a show.

02:54:02.000 Excessive talking, for sure I have that. 0.98

02:54:06.000 Clearly.

02:54:07.000 Excessive physical movement.

02:54:08.000 100% I have that.

02:54:10.000 I'm very excessive. 0.65

02:54:10.000 So you're a child with ADD, bro. 0.65

02:54:12.000 Being unable to wait their turn.

02:54:13.000 No, I'm not that bad at that.

02:54:15.000 I've gotten better at that.

02:54:16.000 But that's what we were talking about earlier.

02:54:17.000 Acting without thinking.

02:54:18.000 100%.

02:54:19.000 Interrupting conversations.

02:54:20.000 That's me.

02:54:21.000 Little or no sense of danger.

02:54:23.000 I'm not so good at that.

02:54:25.000 I kind of am good at it, but kind of also not.

02:54:27.000 Yeah.

02:54:28.000 I mean, I'd say I'm medium good.

02:54:31.000 Yeah.

02:54:32.000 So I have everything.

02:54:32.000 You got it all.

02:54:33.000 Except by two or three things.

02:54:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:54:34.000 But I just feel like I can't.

02:54:36.000 So I should be mad.

02:54:36.000 I need the list.

02:54:37.000 Yeah, you probably should.

02:54:38.000 Which should I be on?

02:54:39.000 Forgetfulness.

02:54:39.000 Okay.

02:54:40.000 Carelessness or lack of attention to detail.

02:54:42.000 Now this is absolutely me.

02:54:44.000 Continuing starting new tech.

02:54:45.000 What was the one?

02:54:46.000 Forgetfulness?

02:54:47.000 Which one do you...

02:54:49.000 Were you doing that as a bit?

02:54:51.000 You're like, what was that one?

02:54:52.000 Forgetfulness?

02:54:52.000 Oh, is there more of them?

02:54:53.000 This is for adults.

02:54:55.000 Oh, this one's for adults.

02:54:56.000 Okay, so carelessness and lack of attention to detail.

02:55:00.000 Not necessarily.

02:55:01.000 I pay attention to...

02:55:02.000 Things that I'm concentrating on.

02:55:04.000 Yeah.

02:55:05.000 I'm very detail-oriented with actually things I'm trying to do well.

02:55:08.000 But I think that's the flip side.

02:55:09.000 Like, I was listening to Brian Koppelman's podcast. 0.98

02:55:11.000 He was talking about how ADD can be like a fucking superpower because sometimes you're so locked in. 0.96

02:55:17.000 And he was talking about how when he was writing his first script, it was like... 0.99

02:55:22.000 He wanted to do it so bad, and sometimes I feel that way too, where I'm in the fucking zone. 0.94

02:55:27.000 When I really want to get something done, where I'm writing a script I really care about, or I'm working on a joke that I really want to get done, and I feel like when I'm in that zone, I'm like, I'm the fucking smartest man alive. 0.94

02:55:38.000 I feel like I'm on limitless.

02:55:39.000 Here's the question.

02:55:40.000 Is this really a disease, or is it a problem only because human beings are trying to interface with a complex modern society that doesn't match their genetics?

02:55:50.000 Yeah, maybe. 0.99

02:55:52.000 There's got to be some benefit to being locked into some things and being distracted by shit you don't give a fuck about. 0.99

02:55:58.000 If you were a hunter, that would help you, because you would concentrate only on the thing you're trying to do. 0.99

02:56:03.000 And you would ignore a bunch of other shit that's probably important, but in your mind, not as interesting. 0.96

02:56:08.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.95

02:56:09.000 But I also think...

02:56:11.000 I also think some people just don't have that, though, where they can just pay attention to the surroundings.

02:56:15.000 Right, some people are just scattered.

02:56:17.000 Yeah, just being scattered.

02:56:18.000 And ultimately, it's like, at the end of the day, it's like, what am I going to do now? 0.97

02:56:22.000 I'm fucking 33. I'm not like, you know... 0.94

02:56:24.000 Yeah, but it's helping you with comedy, is my point.

02:56:26.000 Probably, yeah.

02:56:27.000 Yeah, 100%, dude.

02:56:28.000 Listen, that's the thing.

02:56:29.000 Well, that's why I think a lot of people who end up in comedy or certain artistic fields or something do have that.

02:56:35.000 But that's the thing.

02:56:37.000 Is that really a disease, then?

02:56:38.000 Because that's got a great benefit to it.

02:56:40.000 It just seems like a manageable asset.

02:56:42.000 Well, it's like, you know, Boban Marjanovic has gigantism or whatever, but it is a disease, but it still makes him a good center.

02:56:48.000 Andre the Giant.

02:56:49.000 You know what I mean?

02:56:50.000 Like, so it is, but it also could help you out.

02:56:52.000 You know what I mean?

02:56:53.000 Where it's like...

02:56:53.000 Well, that's a different thing, right?

02:56:55.000 Because I think ADD is like super fucking common. 0.97

02:56:58.000 Yeah, probably. 0.84

02:56:59.000 But is it real?

02:57:00.000 It's more of a personality, probably.

02:57:02.000 But is there any debate as to whether or not ADD is actually a disease?

02:57:07.000 I mean, are there people out there that say, no, this is like a natural function of the way some people's brains work?

02:57:12.000 And some people's brains are not designed to focus on tasks they're not interested in.

02:57:16.000 But if they focus on something they are interested in, they can get really good at it.

02:57:19.000 But sometimes you don't even do that. 0.99

02:57:21.000 Yeah, but there's a fucking spectrum of dummies and intelligent people that we have to acknowledge. 0.98

02:57:26.000 That's a good point. 0.99

02:57:27.000 We don't have to set standards for every fucking human being regardless of how low their IQ is. 0.97

02:57:31.000 I'm just saying, for average human beings, isn't it possible that that's an asset? 0.98

02:57:35.000 Yeah.

02:57:36.000 Is there a debate on that?

02:57:37.000 There probably is.

02:57:38.000 Yeah, let's see what they say.

02:57:39.000 The ADHD community?

02:57:40.000 Are some people thinking that ADD is not actually a disease?

02:57:44.000 I'm sure plenty.

02:57:45.000 I wonder who's right. 0.98

02:57:47.000 I mean, but sometimes I'll take a fucking Adderall or whatever, just if I have some shit to do, and I'm like, oh, this rocks. 0.98

02:57:54.000 Yeah, but that's amphetamines. 0.99

02:57:56.000 Of course it rocks.

02:57:57.000 Yeah. 0.88

02:57:58.000 There's a reason why it's so goddamn addictive. 0.85

02:58:00.000 That's hilarious. 0.93

02:58:01.000 It's addictive.

02:58:02.000 It rocks. 0.99

02:58:03.000 It's not addictive because it sucks. 0.98

02:58:04.000 You're right. 0.93

02:58:05.000 That's a good point.

02:58:05.000 All that stuff that's addictive is awesome.

02:58:08.000 Except maybe gambling.

02:58:10.000 But if you win, it's awesome. 0.98

02:58:11.000 But when you win, that's a fucking nice one. 0.80

02:58:12.000 All of it's awesome. 0.95

02:58:13.000 There's a reason why people get addicted to things.

02:58:16.000 They're addicted to things that give them that crazy dopamine rush. 0.99

02:58:19.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

02:58:20.000 I never got into gambling because I think I got out of it at a young age. 1.00

02:58:24.000 Because we gambled in Greektown.

02:58:26.000 I grew up in Baltimore.

02:58:27.000 I grew up in Greektown.

02:58:27.000 I think two of my friends growing up just happened to be like compulsive gamblers.

02:58:32.000 We had a bookie when we were like 14. Oh my god.

02:58:35.000 And he would like call in football games.

02:58:37.000 You ever talk to Diaz about it?

02:58:38.000 No, no.

02:58:39.000 I'm like, Diaz was a bookie.

02:58:40.000 Whoa, really?

02:58:40.000 Yeah, Diaz used to answer phones, used to place calls.

02:58:44.000 Yeah, he looks like he's a bookie.

02:58:47.000 Yeah, he knew bookies.

02:58:48.000 He worked in offices.

02:58:50.000 Yeah.

02:58:50.000 Yeah, he's the real deal.

02:58:52.000 No, so I got out of that.

02:58:54.000 Good for you, man, because that's a scary one.

02:58:55.000 I've seen people lose their lives to gambling.

02:58:58.000 It's wild to see.

02:59:00.000 That's a tough one.

02:59:00.000 It's wild to see people who can't stop going to the casino.

02:59:03.000 It's wild to see people who can't stop going betting on cards or horses or...

02:59:09.000 When I moved to New York in like 92, 91, 92, whatever it was, I started hanging out at this pool hall.

02:59:17.000 And this pool hall was filled with degenerate gamblers.

02:59:20.000 I was never around those kind of people when I was younger. 0.99

02:59:23.000 And all of a sudden, as like a 23-year-old, I'm hanging around with these Fucking animals that just all would lie to each other and they were all stealing money and they were all gambling. 0.99

02:59:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:59:34.000 A bunch of guys had just gotten out of jail.

02:59:36.000 It was the wildest place to hang out.

02:59:38.000 Yeah.

02:59:38.000 Because I got to be exposed to this group.

02:59:40.000 It was mostly like bachelor men who didn't have kids, who didn't fit in with regular society.

02:59:46.000 And they were at this place where they all just hung out together with other men. 0.99

02:59:50.000 They smoked cigarettes and talked shit and gambled. 0.98

02:59:53.000 The place was open until 2 o'clock in the morning. 1.00

02:59:54.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:59:55.000 It was a wild experience for me as like a pretty fucking naive 23-year-old. 0.98

03:00:02.000 Sure. 0.99

03:00:02.000 Because you're just coming out of like, you know, fucking college or whatever. 0.99

03:00:05.000 Not even for me. 0.99

03:00:06.000 I was martial arts.

03:00:07.000 I was fighting. 1.00

03:00:08.000 Oh shit. 1.00

03:00:08.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

03:00:08.000 So I went from that to starting to do stand-up. 1.00

03:00:11.000 You were fighting that young?

03:00:11.000 Yeah.

03:00:12.000 Damn. 1.00

03:00:12.000 To starting to do stand-up when I was 21. And then all of a sudden I was around these fucking people. 1.00

03:00:16.000 That's a world of discipline. 1.00

03:00:17.000 Yes. 1.00

03:00:18.000 And then you go to like fucking degenerates. 1.00

03:00:20.000 Just full degenerates. 1.00

03:00:21.000 I couldn't believe...

03:00:22.000 I had never been around people that were addicted to gambling.

03:00:24.000 It was wild.

03:00:25.000 There were so many of them. 1.00

03:00:26.000 Yeah, they're betting on coin flips and shit. 1.00

03:00:28.000 They were always losing and winning and losing and winning and fucking, dang, I almost fucking had him, that cocksucker. 1.00

03:00:33.000 And then I missed a fucking nine ball. 1.00

03:00:35.000 That table's not level. 1.00

03:00:37.000 All these arguments and shit. 0.99

03:00:38.000 The cheating. 0.99

03:00:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:00:39.000 Oh, my God.

03:00:40.000 It was crazy.

03:00:41.000 But these people were renegades.

03:00:43.000 They were like this part of society that I didn't know existed.

03:00:46.000 People that never felt like they fit in anywhere.

03:00:48.000 And they found this one thing and they hung out there together.

03:00:51.000 Yeah.

03:00:52.000 Yeah, I could definitely see that.

03:00:53.000 I mean, the Greek town, there's like a bunch of like these, the coffee houses that like old Greek guys just hang out and they're gambling. 0.98

03:01:00.000 Drink coffee, talk shit, throw dice. 0.99

03:01:02.000 Yeah, just avoid their families. 1.00

03:01:04.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

03:01:05.000 Just fucking hang out. 0.99

03:01:07.000 Well, there was thousands of those places in New York City at the turn of the century. 0.99

03:01:11.000 At the turn of the century in New York City, I think there was close to a thousand pool halls. 0.99

03:01:15.000 Damn. 0.99

03:01:16.000 That was where men, bachelor men used to go. 1.00

03:01:19.000 And this is like after the war. 0.97

03:01:22.000 The way you're describing it sounds 100% like they're sucking each other off. 0.97

03:01:25.000 Probably were! 0.99

03:01:26.000 These bachelor men.

03:01:28.000 The Romans did it. 1.00

03:01:29.000 To clear your mind before doing some philosophy.

03:01:33.000 Pool was invented.

03:01:35.000 The word pool refers to money.

03:01:38.000 Pool your money together.

03:01:40.000 Billiards is the game.

03:01:42.000 The game is billiards or pocket billiards.

03:01:43.000 You know, the original game was three cushion billiards, and then they developed pocket billiards, mostly in America.

03:01:48.000 And when you watch them play in pool, they're playing it for money.

03:01:52.000 So all those guys back in the day, they were just these gambling addicts that lived in this time where they felt like they were outcasts of society, and they were all over New York City.

03:02:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:02:04.000 It was a wild culture to get exposed to as a young comic.

03:02:08.000 Did you ever lose money?

03:02:09.000 Oh yeah, I was terrible.

03:02:10.000 I wasn't good.

03:02:12.000 I became pretty good, but I became what's called a B player.

03:02:16.000 Most good players can beat me.

03:02:18.000 So what was the compulsion to be going there?

03:02:21.000 Just the game was so exciting.

03:02:23.000 Interesting.

03:02:24.000 And to play for money when you're down on a ball, and if you make it, you win, and if you miss it, you lose. 0.99

03:02:30.000 Damn. 0.99

03:02:30.000 And that feeling of the nerves and the excitement and when you make it and you win. 0.99

03:02:35.000 And tournaments.

03:02:36.000 We played a lot of tournaments.

03:02:37.000 That's fun.

03:02:37.000 Those are really fun because you get to match up.

03:02:39.000 You could get a tournament and all of a sudden you're matched up with a world champion.

03:02:44.000 Because they would play in, like, regular tournaments. 0.99

03:02:46.000 Just to keep the fucking knives sharp. 1.00

03:02:48.000 They always play. 1.00

03:02:48.000 Like, you can play. 1.00

03:02:49.000 And so they would make them handicap. 0.93

03:02:51.000 Like, they would have to give you extra balls on the wire or extra games on the wire, rather, or extra balls in the game.

03:02:55.000 But you would be able to play sometimes, like, straight up with a guy like Efren Reyes, the greatest pool player of all time.

03:03:01.000 There's no time where you ever could play pick-up basketball against Michael Jordan.

03:03:05.000 But if you're a pool player, you could enter into, like, a local professional tournament and you could play Buddy Hall or Steve Miserak. 0.99

03:03:13.000 Damn. 1.00

03:03:13.000 Crazy. 1.00

03:03:14.000 Johnny Archer. 0.92

03:03:15.000 Yeah.

03:03:15.000 It was amazing.

03:03:16.000 There was this place called Hard Times that I used to go to when I first moved to LA. And they had a Sunday tournament.

03:03:22.000 And the Sunday tournament was all the top players in the world.

03:03:24.000 These guys from the Philippines, like Francisco Bustamante, and Dennis Arcolo.

03:03:30.000 These names all sound fake, but I love it.

03:03:32.000 Oh, man.

03:03:33.000 That is Bustamante.

03:03:34.000 The Filipinos, man. 1.00

03:03:35.000 There's a Filipino invasion where they came over here and just fucked everybody up. 1.00

03:03:39.000 That's awesome. 0.99

03:03:40.000 Filipinos are some of the greatest pool players of all time.

03:03:42.000 Good for them.

03:03:43.000 It's crazy.

03:03:44.000 The GIs brought pool to the Philippines in the 1950s. 1.00

03:03:48.000 And then the Filipinos mastered that shit. 1.00

03:03:50.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

03:03:51.000 Also because they're playing outside, so they have all this moisture on the table, and they have fucked up tables that are out of bounds. 1.00

03:03:57.000 So they just developed the best strokes. 0.97

03:03:59.000 That's sick.

03:04:00.000 They know how to really stroke through the ball, best position play.

03:04:03.000 That's great.

03:04:04.000 Dude.

03:04:05.000 Take that, GIs. 0.77

03:04:06.000 They came over here and changed the game.

03:04:07.000 Efren Reyes, he came over here under a fake name.

03:04:10.000 He came over here under the name Cesar Morales.

03:04:13.000 And started robbing everybody.

03:04:15.000 Came over from the Philippines, unknown, with a fake name.

03:04:19.000 That rocks, dude.

03:04:20.000 And just was robbing everybody.

03:04:21.000 Just making a fortune, just hustling people.

03:04:23.000 People just couldn't believe how good he was.

03:04:25.000 Yeah.

03:04:25.000 This dude, they call him the magician.

03:04:28.000 And how long did you...

03:04:29.000 Do you still play pool?

03:04:30.000 Oh, yeah.

03:04:30.000 I have two tables here.

03:04:31.000 I'll show you afterwards.

03:04:32.000 I have two tables here.

03:04:33.000 I play all the time.

03:04:34.000 How'd you get started?

03:04:35.000 Was it just...

03:04:35.000 It just got started because I walked into that pool hall that one day.

03:04:38.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.95

03:04:38.000 Yeah, I mean, I had played a couple times with my friends, and I had this ex-girlfriend that liked to play pool. 0.95

03:04:43.000 And we played a couple of times, but we were terrible.

03:04:45.000 We didn't know what we were doing.

03:04:46.000 And then I walked in this pool hall and I watched guys play for money.

03:04:48.000 And I was like, this is wild.

03:04:49.000 People are cheering and hollering and trying to gamble more.

03:04:54.000 It was a crazy environment of guys getting to do what they really enjoyed doing. 0.95

03:05:00.000 You know, just having fun, talking shit with each other, not hindered by jobs that make you dress a certain way, or, you know, offices that make you talk a certain way. 0.97

03:05:08.000 These are just wild folk who didn't fit in. 0.99

03:05:11.000 Yeah, blowing some steam.

03:05:12.000 But unfortunately, a lot of them were gambling after. 0.84

03:05:15.000 A lot of those guys had their shins broken. 0.75

03:05:18.000 A lot of them were drug addicts. 0.90

03:05:21.000 I was exposed to the world of guys who use heroin and coke.

03:05:25.000 Everybody did something.

03:05:26.000 Everybody was doing pills.

03:05:27.000 Everybody was doing something.

03:05:28.000 They were all doing drugs.

03:05:30.000 Yeah, The Color of Money is my only...

03:05:32.000 That's all I know about.

03:05:34.000 There's moments in that movie where it's kind of maybe a little bit accurate.

03:05:39.000 It's just a great movie, but sometimes they don't nail the verisimilitude.

03:05:44.000 Well, they nailed it with, do you ever see when Tom Cruise, pull up the scene, Tom Cruise plays Grady Stevens in The Color of Money.

03:05:51.000 Oh, hell yeah.

03:05:52.000 I don't remember that one off the top of my head.

03:05:53.000 This is why this is important.

03:05:55.000 The guy he's playing is really the best player in the world at the time.

03:05:59.000 The guy he's playing is Keith McCready.

03:06:01.000 They call him the Earthquake. 1.00

03:06:02.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

03:06:03.000 Keith McCready. 1.00

03:06:05.000 When he was young, dude, he made people quit pool.

03:06:08.000 Guys would just lose $50,000, $100,000 to him.

03:06:12.000 He was an assassin. 1.00

03:06:13.000 Goddamn. 1.00

03:06:14.000 He was an assassin out of California. 1.00

03:06:16.000 And he played out of Hard Times Billiards. 1.00

03:06:18.000 And this motherfucker was like legendary through the whole country for gambling. 0.98

03:06:22.000 And the way he played, he played with a sidearm stroke because he learned how to play pool when he was so small he couldn't reach the table. 0.99

03:06:29.000 So he couldn't dangle his cue in a normal way.

03:06:32.000 He had to do his sidearm.

03:06:33.000 And he just kept there going his whole life.

03:06:34.000 And he kept it that way his whole career.

03:06:35.000 See if you can find that scene.

03:06:37.000 Tom Cruise plays Grady Stevens.

03:06:39.000 So he plays this character in this movie who's the number one pool player in the world.

03:06:43.000 What's interesting about it is he legitimately was.

03:06:46.000 So when you watch him shoot the ball and move the ball around, that's what an elite, top of the food chain, assassin for money pool player looks like. 0.89

03:06:54.000 That's sick.

03:06:55.000 Because that's what Keith McCready was. 0.94

03:06:56.000 He was an assassin for money. 0.99

03:06:59.000 Like, guys would bet, like, shit tons of money. 1.00

03:07:01.000 And then he'd be talking shit to you while he's screwing his cue together. 0.99

03:07:04.000 And the stuff that he said in the movie was stuff that he really would say to guys. 1.00

03:07:08.000 Do those guys get stiffed and shit? 1.00

03:07:09.000 Because if you're a good pool player, you're not necessarily a guy who can kick someone's ass. 1.00

03:07:13.000 They get robbed. 0.99

03:07:13.000 People show up with guns. 0.99

03:07:14.000 It happens all the time.

03:07:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:07:16.000 So that's Keith McCready.

03:07:17.000 That's the earthquake.

03:07:19.000 So this is him.

03:07:20.000 Give me some volume on this.

03:07:21.000 So when you watch him play...

03:07:24.000 That's how a really truly elite pool player looks.

03:07:28.000 Like the difference between the control, but it's also the control that he has of the cue ball.

03:07:33.000 It's like he can put that ball within a couple of inches anywhere he wants all over the table.

03:07:37.000 He was a wizard.

03:07:39.000 And so when you're watching him do this in this movie, it's 100% like it would be if he was really playing you. 1.00

03:07:47.000 Just fucking shitting on him. 1.00

03:07:48.000 Just talking shit. 1.00

03:07:50.000 You're getting your ass fucked. 1.00

03:07:51.000 There's nothing you can do about it. 1.00

03:07:52.000 The idea is that Tom Cruise has to play badly because he's playing Grady Stevens, so he has to lose so that the odds on him will be very low when he goes to a tournament because the word will get out that Grady robbed him.

03:08:02.000 Right. 0.98

03:08:02.000 So he's going to dump this money to Grady, which is all shit that people really did. 0.98

03:08:06.000 Yeah, yeah, but it's killing him. 1.00

03:08:07.000 It's killing him inside. 1.00

03:08:09.000 Yeah, because Grady's talking too much shit. 1.00

03:08:11.000 And so, eventually, Tom Cruise decides that he's going to talk shit back. 0.99

03:08:17.000 Yeah, I mean, what I love about... 0.99

03:08:19.000 Okay, this is a different...

03:08:21.000 This is when they're at the big tournament. 0.96

03:08:22.000 What I love about this movie, too, is, like, I had no idea about all the fucking actual pool shit, but it's, like, it's such an interesting movie from just a fucking film perspective, because it's, like... 0.98

03:08:31.000 Scorsese. 0.99

03:08:31.000 Scorsese, when he's just, like, fuck it, I'll be a hired gun. 0.99

03:08:34.000 Like, that wasn't his passion project. 1.00

03:08:36.000 He was just, like, I'm gonna make a fucking sick movie. 1.00

03:08:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:08:38.000 And then you have fucking Tom... 1.00

03:08:40.000 You have Tom Cruise, you have fucking, um... 1.00

03:08:43.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:08:44.000 Paul Newman. 1.00

03:08:45.000 And it's like this beautiful, almost like passing of the torch.

03:08:49.000 Yes.

03:08:50.000 I love any time a career, the guys in the movies, it really mirrors the characters.

03:08:56.000 There's something so fucking awesome and poetic about that.

03:08:58.000 Right, at the same point in their lives. 1.00

03:08:59.000 Paul Newman is the fucking old piece of ass fucking star. 1.00

03:09:03.000 And he's literally teaching, as Tom Cruise is about to ascend... 1.00

03:09:06.000 It's this fuck and then you know Paul Newman would go on to have the whole is the later You know part where he plays great, you know great roles the fucking verdict rules I don't remember those before or after this but just like I love that shit dude and it was like Tom and just to see those guys just Against each other for real as actors in the same way that their characters are going and it's like all of that directed by Scorsese And it was all written by Walter Tevis who was the same guy who wrote the Queen's Gambit Oh wow, 0.98

03:09:34.000 holy fuck. 1.00

03:09:34.000 Yeah, he also wrote The Hustler. 1.00

03:09:37.000 The original Paul Newman, Jackie Cleason. 1.00

03:09:39.000 Great fucking movie. 0.99

03:09:40.000 He wrote that, and he wrote The Color of Money, and he wrote The Queen's Gambit. 1.00

03:09:43.000 Yeah, that's sick.

03:09:44.000 Which is amazing.

03:09:45.000 And yeah, it had another thing that I really like, which is like a weird, unofficial sequel thing, where it's like, it is a sequel, but it's like no one except Paul Newman.

03:09:54.000 Yeah.

03:09:54.000 Like I love when they just extend a story and it's done.

03:09:57.000 Because like the odds of that working are so fucking low.

03:10:00.000 Right. 0.79

03:10:00.000 Especially with a star. 0.79

03:10:01.000 You've got to bring in a star like Tom Cruise.

03:10:03.000 Yeah, dude.

03:10:03.000 And they had to teach him how to play pool.

03:10:05.000 Yeah.

03:10:06.000 So they brought in Mike Siegel to teach him how to play pool.

03:10:09.000 He's one of the greatest pool players of all time.

03:10:11.000 And he's also left-handed, the way Tom Cruise is, which really benefited him.

03:10:15.000 But he taught him how to play pool like, I mean, a version, not as good, of course, as Mike Siegel, but a version of the way Mike plays.

03:10:21.000 Interesting.

03:10:22.000 You can watch Mike stroke, the way Mike moves balls around. 0.99

03:10:25.000 And what's cool about, like, I guess we didn't know that, or I wasn't lying, but it's like, you didn't know that it wasn't clear about Tom Cruise at the time, where it's like, wow, that's really impressive that he would learn how to play pool, and now the motherfucker's, like, jumping out of fucking jets. 0.99

03:10:38.000 I know. 1.00

03:10:38.000 Like, he's just, he's a fucking lunatic. 1.00

03:10:40.000 It's awesome. 1.00

03:10:40.000 Dude, you don't know how hard it is to look like you can play pool. 1.00

03:10:43.000 Yeah.

03:10:43.000 He looked like he could play pool.

03:10:45.000 For sure.

03:10:45.000 I mean, it really, you believed it.

03:10:46.000 He hit a couple shots in the movie where it's like, that's fucking impressive. 0.93

03:10:49.000 He figured out how to play pool pretty quickly, which is kind of amazing. 0.93

03:10:54.000 Fascinating guy.

03:10:55.000 Yeah, truly.

03:10:55.000 Truly a fascinating guy.

03:10:57.000 Believing in Scientology seems to work for him.

03:11:00.000 I'm not saying it's for everybody, but there's something about the way it worked for him.

03:11:05.000 For him, dude.

03:11:05.000 And just how smart it was to do the Mission Impossible movies.

03:11:09.000 His career kind of went to the next level in a strange way.

03:11:13.000 Yeah, look at that shot. 0.58

03:11:15.000 That's brilliant.

03:11:15.000 Look at that shot.

03:11:16.000 He really did that shit. 1.00

03:11:17.000 He really did that shit. 1.00

03:11:18.000 That's awesome. 1.00

03:11:18.000 You saw it. 1.00

03:11:19.000 You saw it from the beginning to the end.

03:11:20.000 And he ran the table on certain racks.

03:11:23.000 What they did is basically they set balls up for him and they let him have fairly simple, what you call, connect the dots out.

03:11:31.000 But he did it.

03:11:32.000 He still did it. 0.97

03:11:32.000 It's not fucking easy to do, man. 0.97

03:11:34.000 That guy flies jets. 0.99

03:11:36.000 He jumps off buildings.

03:11:38.000 I'm telling you.

03:11:39.000 Scientology seems to work for him.

03:11:41.000 And my favorite one of his is Collateral, too.

03:11:43.000 Oh my god, I just watched that the other day. 0.98

03:11:45.000 Dude, it's the fucking best. 0.99

03:11:46.000 It was amazing! 0.98

03:11:47.000 And it's like, there is a darkness to him that he keeps buttoned up.

03:11:51.000 Yes. 0.99

03:11:52.000 And when he gets to play the fucking assassin, the real evil guy, it's like, whoa, this is working. 0.99

03:11:58.000 Or Lestat from Interview with the Vampire. 0.99

03:12:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

03:12:01.000 Holy shit. 1.00

03:12:02.000 That one's fucking... 1.00

03:12:03.000 Collateral. 1.00

03:12:05.000 Lestat is awesome, but that movie is so campy in certain ways where it's like you see flashes of the villain, but this shit is like he is. 0.99

03:12:12.000 It's Michael Mann who's the fucking best. 1.00

03:12:14.000 He's a fucking hitman. 1.00

03:12:16.000 Dude. 1.00

03:12:16.000 And you 100% believe it. 1.00

03:12:18.000 You believe it. 0.99

03:12:19.000 You fully fucking believe it. 0.99

03:12:20.000 100%. 0.99

03:12:20.000 It doesn't matter if that's that dude from The Outsiders. 0.99

03:12:23.000 That is him. 1.00

03:12:24.000 Dude, it's fucking him. 1.00

03:12:25.000 And just the way he behaves. 1.00

03:12:26.000 I mean... 1.00

03:12:27.000 He's a bad motherfucker, man. 1.00

03:12:28.000 Yo, homie, is that my briefcase? 1.00

03:12:30.000 And then he's a pew, pew, just putting fucking two pieces, those guys. 0.98

03:12:33.000 Dude, and the way he does it, too, man, that was super smooth. 0.99

03:12:37.000 You have to really practice to be able to draw and get off those shots in close range.

03:12:42.000 The way he did it looked completely believable.

03:12:45.000 That didn't look like, you know, there's scenes in a movie where a guy pulls a gun and he shoots the other guy and you're like, okay.

03:12:50.000 Sure.

03:12:50.000 I'll suspend disbelief.

03:12:52.000 This was John Wick before John Wick.

03:12:54.000 Exactly. 0.99

03:12:54.000 I mean, Michael Mann did that shit too with Heat. 0.99

03:12:57.000 It's like, they were fucking, they were shooting machine guns, bro. 1.00

03:13:00.000 You know, Heat was basic. 1.00

03:13:01.000 Yes, dude!

03:13:01.000 Dude, this is the scene right here.

03:13:03.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:13:04.000 I love this scene. 1.00

03:13:07.000 Is that my briefcase?

03:13:08.000 Is it your briefcase?

03:13:09.000 Yeah, it is.

03:13:10.000 Why, you want a bag?

03:13:12.000 I bought your wallet.

03:13:15.000 Oh my goodness.

03:13:16.000 What else have you got for me?

03:13:21.000 Bro.

03:13:23.000 Jamie Foxx was like...

03:13:25.000 100% believable.

03:13:26.000 It did look like...

03:13:27.000 He was like, I'm free.

03:13:29.000 This guy's gonna die, but at least I'll get to just call the cops.

03:13:32.000 Dude, 100% believable, those movements.

03:13:34.000 The way he did it, knocked the guy's hand away with the gun while drawing.

03:13:38.000 One more time.

03:13:39.000 Bam.

03:13:39.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

03:13:41.000 God.

03:13:42.000 He knocks it away, at the same time draws.

03:13:45.000 Look at how he does this. 1.00

03:13:46.000 This is fucking wild shit, man. 1.00

03:13:48.000 And he's also got his gun on his hip, so it's not even the quickest place to draw from. 1.00

03:13:52.000 And he shoots from the waist.

03:13:54.000 Boom.

03:13:56.000 Boom, boom.

03:13:57.000 All this other guy's drawn.

03:13:59.000 Boom, to the head. 1.00

03:14:00.000 Come on, son. 1.00

03:14:01.000 So fucking sick. 1.00

03:14:02.000 Tactical. 1.00

03:14:03.000 Jamie Foxx.

03:14:04.000 Yeah.

03:14:06.000 Scientology works for him.

03:14:07.000 For him, it does.

03:14:08.000 It seems to work really well for him.

03:14:11.000 Whatever his belief system is.

03:14:13.000 100%.

03:14:13.000 That guy races bullies.

03:14:16.000 Motorcycles in his movies?

03:14:17.000 No.

03:14:17.000 He actually does his own stunts?

03:14:19.000 They do a great job of certain high-level talent.

03:14:22.000 They can really take you to the next level.

03:14:24.000 But they let him ride motorcycles in a movie.

03:14:27.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

03:14:28.000 He does stunts with cars and shit. 0.99

03:14:30.000 He flew the jets. 0.99

03:14:31.000 Dude. 1.00

03:14:31.000 Fucking Top Gun. 1.00

03:14:32.000 This is dangerous shit. 1.00

03:14:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

03:14:34.000 And they let him do it. 0.98

03:14:35.000 Yeah, I would just love to see him, because he's proven that he's a fucking action star, proven that. 0.97

03:14:41.000 A very unlikely action star, but earned it, right? 0.90

03:14:45.000 Look, I love taking, I love the Liam Neeson turn to action, but it's like, that's all gravitas, that's all being a great actor.

03:14:52.000 He's not doing that.

03:14:53.000 He's not doing that. 0.99

03:14:53.000 He's earned it in the way that it's like, with practical effects and stunts and shit. 0.99

03:14:57.000 So what is he doing there? 0.94

03:14:58.000 He's jumping a motorcycle off a cliff, and then he's going to parachute?

03:15:02.000 Is that real? 0.99

03:15:02.000 I'm fucking mad. 0.99

03:15:03.000 Oh my god. 0.99

03:15:05.000 That's him. 1.00

03:15:05.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

03:15:07.000 Bro, stop it. 1.00

03:15:09.000 Who's like that?

03:15:10.000 Who's like that in all of history?

03:15:11.000 Buster Keaton. 1.00

03:15:11.000 He's a fucking lunatic. 1.00

03:15:12.000 Truly. 1.00

03:15:13.000 Buster Keaton.

03:15:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:15:14.000 That's so interesting.

03:15:15.000 He's a modern Buster Keaton. 1.00

03:15:20.000 Buster Keaton was a fucking animal. 0.99

03:15:24.000 Special effects were non-existent back then. 1.00

03:15:26.000 There's no CGI. He's the fucking man for sure. 1.00

03:15:28.000 Buster Keaton risked his life every time he did a movie. 1.00

03:15:30.000 Every time he did a movie. 1.00

03:15:32.000 That guy fucking rules. 0.99

03:15:33.000 Bro, you watch those old Buster Keaton highlights, you can't even believe that guy really did that. 1.00

03:15:37.000 Look at this. 0.99

03:15:37.000 He jumps from one fucking building to another. 0.99

03:15:41.000 Look at this. 1.00

03:15:42.000 Watch this shit. 1.00

03:15:45.000 A full flight of stairs. 1.00

03:15:46.000 And then goes through the railings and catches himself.

03:15:50.000 Planned it.

03:15:51.000 Planned all that.

03:15:52.000 Bro, he planned that.

03:15:54.000 I mean, that's incredible. 1.00

03:15:55.000 He went through those fucking things. 0.99

03:15:57.000 He's like, that'll stop my fall, and then I'll catch myself on the way down. 1.00

03:16:02.000 And he did it.

03:16:03.000 I mean, that's what James Bond pretends to do.

03:16:05.000 Do you know what I mean?

03:16:06.000 And look at that.

03:16:07.000 He really did get yanked away by that car.

03:16:09.000 Like, this is actually happening.

03:16:11.000 He really did grab that car and get yanked away.

03:16:16.000 Just great choreography.

03:16:17.000 He would grab all these things and just hang on.

03:16:20.000 Well, dude, that's the other thing.

03:16:21.000 And that's why it's so...

03:16:22.000 Look at this.

03:16:23.000 I mean, what is that?

03:16:24.000 That's awesome. 0.99

03:16:25.000 They didn't fucking string him up or anything with that shit. 1.00

03:16:29.000 How the fuck could he do that? 1.00

03:16:30.000 No, you're right. 0.99

03:16:31.000 What kind of strength did he have to do that?

03:16:33.000 Just to be able to hold on to that thing with one arm. 1.00

03:16:35.000 He was a fucking unit. 0.99

03:16:35.000 I mean, he must have been a super unit. 0.99

03:16:37.000 Yeah.

03:16:38.000 He's like an acrobat.

03:16:38.000 That movement right there, what he had to do, were hang on to the back of that train like that.

03:16:42.000 Yeah.

03:16:42.000 How much strength is involved in that?

03:16:45.000 Yeah.

03:16:45.000 That's insane.

03:16:46.000 That's like Cirque du Soleil strength. 0.98

03:16:48.000 I do love watching, like, Old, old-ass movies, because we have gotten so, like, used to, like, you know, CGI and all that shit, and it's helpful for certain things, but it's, like, what you think is possible, you're like, oh, we are fucking lazy.

03:17:02.000 Or even just, like, even just, like, the, you know, how fast they would, like, build, they would make buildings and shit, and, um, but you just look at Yeah, what does he got going on here?

03:17:15.000 Yeah, he's just slowly. 0.89

03:17:16.000 He's just riding on the front of a train.

03:17:18.000 But even then, man, you fall, you die. 1.00

03:17:20.000 And you've got those wooden, stupid shoes on. 1.00

03:17:23.000 Oh my god. 1.00

03:17:24.000 What is going to happen here?

03:17:26.000 Oh, that's sick!

03:17:27.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

03:17:29.000 But, like, you see a movie from the fucking 30s, and you see the, like, the fucking, one of my favorite movies to just throw on sometimes is the old Robin Hood from the 30s. 0.99

03:17:38.000 It's this fucking spectacle, dude, where they just have thousands of fucking extras. 0.99

03:17:43.000 I haven't seen it. 1.00

03:17:44.000 Dude, it's fucking good. 0.99

03:17:44.000 Forever. 0.99

03:17:45.000 Robin Hood from the 30s?

03:17:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:17:47.000 It's Errol Flynn.

03:17:48.000 Oh, yeah.

03:17:49.000 I don't, I mean, I'm sure I saw it when I was a kid.

03:17:51.000 But it's just, like, this thing where you're, like, your mind is, like, bro, when they have these giant scenes where it's, like, You know, a king and it's a jousting tournament. 0.83

03:17:59.000 They have like fucking hundreds of people in the stands.

03:18:01.000 Today that's eight guys and they CGI it. 1.00

03:18:03.000 And you fucking watch it. 0.97

03:18:05.000 I mean the fight scenes or whatever, don't get me wrong, but like the big spectacles of them and like these huge sets and like when it's like... 0.99

03:18:14.000 The thing that really fucking shocked me was the like, I think it was the jousting or maybe the archery competition.

03:18:19.000 Is this colorized? 0.92

03:18:20.000 It is colorized, yeah.

03:18:21.000 So the original was black and white, right?

03:18:23.000 I would assume so, but I'm not sure.

03:18:25.000 38? 0.99

03:18:26.000 Just look at how fucking many... 0.99

03:18:28.000 It's just such a spectacle that you don't fucking get today. 1.00

03:18:31.000 The same thing with fucking... 1.00

03:18:33.000 Fuck, what's the Kurosawa Macbeth? 1.00

03:18:37.000 Throne of Blood? 1.00

03:18:38.000 That shit... 1.00

03:18:39.000 I mean, that's another one where you're like, God damn, dude, they were doing this shit... 1.00

03:18:43.000 And now, filmmaking is so... 1.00

03:18:45.000 Everything's on a green screen, and you're just like...

03:18:47.000 The artistry is...

03:18:48.000 That's what I'm saying.

03:18:49.000 When you're penned in, when you have limitations, you figure out how to fucking really do it, and you come with real...

03:18:57.000 I mean, they were...

03:18:57.000 Look at Buster Keaton, dude.

03:18:59.000 I would rather watch a Buster Keaton highlight reel than whatever the Marvel movie that just came out is.

03:19:04.000 You know what I mean?

03:19:05.000 I'm with you up until we talk about Avatar.

03:19:07.000 Yeah.

03:19:08.000 Yeah, I'm in on Avatar.

03:19:09.000 Avatar was so good.

03:19:11.000 I'm like, do your CGI. Do whatever you gotta do.

03:19:13.000 But that's a great example, though, because James Cameron, whatever, you know, he is a fucking... 0.99

03:19:18.000 He pushes everything to the limit. 0.99

03:19:20.000 Yeah.

03:19:21.000 Like, if he's doing CGI, it's gonna take him 15 years, and he's gonna get every ounce of, like, spectacle out of it.

03:19:27.000 And it's gonna be incredible.

03:19:27.000 It's gonna be incredible.

03:19:28.000 I can't wait for that.

03:19:29.000 Me and my...

03:19:30.000 We have my brothers and a couple, like, my closest friends.

03:19:34.000 Well, not all my...

03:19:35.000 Anyway, we have, like, a...

03:19:36.000 What is your relationship with these people?

03:19:38.000 Yeah.

03:19:39.000 Me and four guys I found outside who I call my brothers.

03:19:43.000 We're bonded in certain ways.

03:19:46.000 My brothers and like my best friends, it's a rotating cast, right? 1.00

03:19:50.000 But we like to fucking get fucked up on Christmas. 0.96

03:19:54.000 We do like a bros Christmas on top of the family stuff, kind of like the Friendsgiving version of Christmas where we'll just take a psychedelic and watch some out of control, like, you know, Star Wars. 0.99

03:20:05.000 I've never seen the new Star Wars' not on acid or mushrooms.

03:20:08.000 And dude, I don't have any idea what happens in him. 0.99

03:20:11.000 My boy Babu Frick, I don't remember which one he's in, I was laughing like a fucking lunatic because I was just on acid and just a little fucking cute puppet. 0.99

03:20:19.000 I'm like, like a little fucking kid. 1.00

03:20:22.000 We get fucked up and we just watch fucking, yeah, there's my boy, dude. 1.00

03:20:26.000 See, I'm not even aware of him. 0.99

03:20:27.000 I'm so far behind.

03:20:29.000 Imagine being on an eighth of mushrooms.

03:20:30.000 Oh my god, I can't.

03:20:32.000 And this guy pops up in a crowded theater.

03:20:34.000 You're like, oh, I love him.

03:20:36.000 He's my favorite.

03:20:39.000 Anyway, we've done mostly Star Wars.

03:20:41.000 We watched Tenet one year when it was like the pandemic.

03:20:44.000 How can you follow that around when you're sober?

03:20:46.000 I have no idea what happened, but I was having a great time.

03:20:52.000 It's a dope movie.

03:20:53.000 Watching it in my living room because it was the pandemic. 0.97

03:20:57.000 But this year we're doing Avatar fucking Way of the Water. 0.93

03:21:00.000 I can't wait, dude. 0.96

03:21:02.000 I can't wait for that to come out.

03:21:03.000 I mean... 1.00

03:21:03.000 James Cameron could say all this crazy shit. 1.00

03:21:05.000 Is this the... 1.00

03:21:06.000 He's the man.

03:21:07.000 Is this the trailer?

03:21:08.000 It's got something on their YouTube channel like four hours ago.

03:21:10.000 Oh, wow.

03:21:11.000 It's got some clips.

03:21:12.000 They're talking in between it.

03:21:14.000 The CGI, it still looks like the old Avatar. 0.99

03:21:17.000 I bet you're just going to look fucking sick in the theater. 0.95

03:21:20.000 But, I mean, there's still that uncanny valley. 0.98

03:21:23.000 Oh, for sure, for sure.

03:21:23.000 Isn't it interesting that they haven't quite passed that yet?

03:21:26.000 We'll never pass.

03:21:27.000 I mean...

03:21:28.000 I mean, they're close, man.

03:21:29.000 They're kind of close.

03:21:30.000 I don't know.

03:21:31.000 But it's still...

03:21:32.000 I mean, the original Avatar was how many years ago?

03:21:35.000 Five?

03:21:36.000 Yeah, a long time.

03:21:36.000 It's a long time ago.

03:21:37.000 So if you think about it, it's kind of crazy how close it is to the original one in terms of like...

03:21:43.000 Maybe we're just looking at a grainy copy of it.

03:21:45.000 But I also think what he really focused on was the water.

03:21:48.000 Yeah.

03:21:49.000 God, look at this. 0.99

03:21:49.000 And I think compared to other water CGI shit, he crushed it. 0.99

03:21:53.000 He also loves water. 1.00

03:21:54.000 He was deep sea exploring and shit. 1.00

03:21:56.000 No, it's amazing. 0.99

03:21:57.000 I'm just saying I can tell they're not real.

03:21:59.000 Of course.

03:22:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:22:00.000 You know what I'm saying?

03:22:01.000 There's a weird thing.

03:22:02.000 That's a thing that's a debate between special effects guys.

03:22:06.000 Guys like Rick Baker.

03:22:08.000 Guys who've done...

03:22:09.000 They do makeup and special American Werewolf in London versus CGI stuff.

03:22:14.000 There's something missing always from the CGI stuff.

03:22:17.000 I fully agree.

03:22:18.000 The best...

03:22:19.000 I mean, the thing is so sick.

03:22:23.000 All practical.

03:22:24.000 John Carpenter.

03:22:25.000 John Carpenter, the man.

03:22:26.000 And it's just like...

03:22:28.000 They did a CGI version. 1.00

03:22:30.000 Oh, I'm sure it was dog shit. 1.00

03:22:31.000 No, it was pretty good. 1.00

03:22:32.000 Really?

03:22:32.000 Yeah, it was pretty good.

03:22:33.000 Interesting.

03:22:34.000 It was good.

03:22:34.000 It was fun.

03:22:35.000 But it's still that thing where you know it's...

03:22:38.000 There's just something about those practical effects.

03:22:40.000 I think they even updated the older movie.

03:22:43.000 Got updated.

03:22:44.000 Oh, interesting.

03:22:45.000 It's in 4K, I know that, so they had to run it through the computer once. 0.98

03:22:48.000 I mean, it was one of the most fucking ridiculous movies I've ever seen in my life. 0.99

03:22:52.000 It was amazing. 0.98

03:22:53.000 When me and my brother, because we, like, I have gained an appreciation for it over, but I remember going into it, and I was just like, I was a little bit of like a film snob, because I was in college, and I was on like my film snob shit, and it was like, oh, Cameron, like, Terminator, like, he's gonna,

03:23:08.000 this is gonna be, and it's got, remember how hyped it was?

03:23:11.000 Right. 0.93

03:23:11.000 And it was super fun in like a let's get fucked up and watch an awesome action movie way, but it was not like fucking, you know, Goodfell. 0.93

03:23:18.000 It wasn't like a piece of cinema. 0.98

03:23:19.000 It wasn't casino.

03:23:20.000 You know what I mean?

03:23:21.000 And so me and my brother, dude, the part where we lost it, we were having a good time. 0.99

03:23:25.000 And don't get me wrong, the battle scenes, fucking sick. 1.00

03:23:28.000 But where they fucking fuck with their tails. 1.00

03:23:32.000 When they get their fucking little tail cocks linked up, I was like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

03:23:36.000 I was like... 1.00

03:23:37.000 It's kind of hilarious.

03:23:38.000 But it is like...

03:23:39.000 But when you go into it... 1.00

03:23:40.000 Is that any weirder than a dick and a pussy, though? 1.00

03:23:43.000 Dick and a pussy is pretty weird, too. 1.00

03:23:44.000 Pretty weird, but, you know, I'm more familiar with that, I'll say. 1.00

03:23:47.000 I get it.

03:23:48.000 I get it. 1.00

03:23:50.000 All right, Stavi, let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

03:23:52.000 Let's wrap it up, brother. 0.99

03:23:53.000 Tell everybody what's your social media, how they get a hold of you.

03:23:55.000 Yeah, Stavi Baby, Stavi Baby 2 on Instagram, Stavi Baby on Twitter.

03:23:59.000 What happened to Stavi Baby 1?

03:24:01.000 It was too erotic, bro. 0.99

03:24:02.000 I was posting too much shit like this. 1.00

03:24:03.000 They nuked your account? 0.99

03:24:04.000 They nuked the first one years ago.

03:24:05.000 No way!

03:24:06.000 You know what, actually?

03:24:07.000 Ari brought this up. 0.76

03:24:08.000 Years ago.

03:24:09.000 You guys actually looked through my Instagram way back in the day. 0.98

03:24:13.000 They nuked my shit, but Stavi Baby 2. But a new podcast, Stavi's World. 0.97

03:24:19.000 Please subscribe.

03:24:20.000 The first one with Sam is really funny.

03:24:21.000 The second one we got is coming up soon.

03:24:23.000 Is it?

03:24:24.000 Beautiful.

03:24:25.000 It's, yeah.

03:24:26.000 And we have, I have a tour coming up.

03:24:28.000 How do you say your last name?

03:24:29.000 Halkius.

03:24:30.000 Alright.

03:24:30.000 Buy the calendar.

03:24:31.000 I got a tour coming up.

03:24:32.000 I'm all over the place.

03:24:34.000 They're selling really good. 1.00

03:24:35.000 I'm really proud of that shit. 1.00

03:24:37.000 We sold a bunch at the Wilbur. 1.00

03:24:38.000 Look at that.

03:24:39.000 Sold out.

03:24:40.000 The Wilbur's the shit. 1.00

03:24:41.000 Dude, I'm so excited. 1.00

03:24:42.000 Such a good club.

03:24:43.000 Such a good theater. 1.00

03:24:44.000 We sold out four of those fuckers. 0.99

03:24:45.000 It's like three comedy clubs stacked on top of each other. 1.00

03:24:47.000 It's the shit. 1.00

03:24:48.000 Dude, I can't wait. 1.00

03:24:49.000 So we got that.

03:24:50.000 But yeah, man.

03:24:51.000 Go listen to the podcast.

03:24:53.000 Watch the special.

03:24:53.000 We hit 4 million views.

03:24:55.000 Follow my little brother.

03:24:57.000 He's an artist.

03:24:57.000 We didn't even get to talk to my brother George.

03:25:00.000 Art by Zodzie on Instagram. 0.99

03:25:02.000 And fucking, you know, go to Odyssey Strength and Conditioning. 0.99

03:25:04.000 Say that again. 1.00

03:25:05.000 Art by what?

03:25:05.000 Art by Zodzie.

03:25:06.000 D-Z-O-D-Z-I-E. How do you spell anybody to get that?

03:25:10.000 It's tough.

03:25:11.000 You said that word.

03:25:12.000 I'm like, you're just going to throw that out there?

03:25:13.000 You're right.

03:25:14.000 A-R-T by D-Z-O-D-Z-I-E. He does this really fun.

03:25:20.000 I know.

03:25:21.000 It's like Georgie, but Zodzie. 1.00

03:25:23.000 He does this really fucking wild shit. 1.00

03:25:26.000 I don't know if we can even show it. 1.00

03:25:27.000 He's got like demons.

03:25:28.000 Oh, Jesus.

03:25:29.000 He's gonna go to jail.

03:25:30.000 Put that away.

03:25:33.000 Balenciaga's gonna use that for the next ad campaign.

03:25:35.000 They're all of age.

03:25:36.000 They're all of age demons. 1.00

03:25:37.000 Thank you, brother.

03:25:38.000 It was a lot of fun.

03:25:38.000 I enjoyed it very much.

03:25:39.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 13, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1909 - Stavros Halkias

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