The Joe Rogan Experience - June 21, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #231 - Dom Irrera

Topics
kettlebells plastic surgery Pound Puppies Facebook
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Dom Irrera
Mentioned
Kevin James Joe Bologna Brian Sandusky Tom Petty Don Marrera Tony Rock Arnold Joe Pesci Be Felix Trinidad Neil Armstrong Steve Sharippa Jesus Christ Joe Montana Joan Rivers Mark Morano Jim Norton Kilkenny Bill Romanowski Bert Kreischer and 72 more
Joe Rogan Experience #228 - Bill Burr Joe Rogan Experience #234 - Adam Scorgie

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 2 minutes

Words per minute

205.05

Word count

12,843

Sentence count

1,831

Harmful content

Misogyny

69

sentences flagged

Toxicity

521

sentences flagged

Hate speech

43

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Joe Rogan is joined by comedian Brian Downey ( ) to discuss a variety of topics, including the new Fleshlight product, his love of MyFreeCans, and why he thinks Joe Rogan should be fired from the NFL. Plus, a new segment called Joe Rogans on a Gridiron, which is a show where the guys try to find out who Joe is a gangster on a gridiron and what he's up to. Joe and Brian also discuss the NFL and what it's really like to be a black person in the NFL, and how to deal with a racist fan who spit in your face on Monday Night Football. And, of course, Joe talks about his favorite nootropic, Alpha Brain. This episode is brought to you by The Fleshlight, Onnit, and Kettlebells. Use the code ROGAN10 at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase. They re the best quality kettlebells I ve ever had, and they re made in New York City. They re made by the folks who make the best kettlebell you ve ever heard of, so you re gonna love them. Use code "ROGAN" at checkout and they'll give you 10% all off your order of $10 or $10 off your entire order of a kettlebell. You can't ask for more than $10 and they're selling them as low as $10, they're making them as cheap as that! and they are making them in NYC, too! they're made in Brooklyn, not in Los Angeles, not New York, not San Francisco, not Chicago, not Detroit, not Los Angeles. they re they re in LA, they re making them cheap as they're in LA. . And they re not going to charge you anything but $10% more than you can get them in a bag, they are going to make you a good kettlebell, not $15 off $50 or $50, they'll make you feel like that's better than you're getting a good cup of kettlebell and you'll get it in a cup of coffee, you ll get it for $50 and it's going to feel like you're going to get a better cup of tea and you're gonna feel like it's gonna feel better than that in a good place, you're not gonna get it like that, you can have it in the best place, it's $10 more than that, too.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you for the second time today.
00:00:09.000 Ow! 1.00
00:00:10.000 By The Fleshlight, the redundancy department of redundancy. 0.99
00:00:14.000 You already heard the commercials, but I gotta say them anyway because I have a fucking contractual obligation to a company that sells rubber pussies. 0.99
00:00:20.000 Here's what it is. 0.99
00:00:21.000 Do you believe in it anyway?
00:00:22.000 Yes, it's a solid product.
00:00:23.000 I would not sell it if it was not.
00:00:25.000 It's an excellent product.
00:00:27.000 Maybe the most effective thing in the world when it comes to getting rid of your loads.
00:00:31.000 Really? 0.72
00:00:31.000 It's right up there, goddammit, Dom. 0.72
00:00:33.000 Right up there with my left hand? 1.00
00:00:34.000 It feels better than a bad vagina. 1.00
00:00:38.000 It feels like a really good one. 1.00
00:00:40.000 Not that you should limit a person and making love to them to just their actual vagina. 0.99
00:00:44.000 But when you get down to brass tacks, that's what you're having sex with. 0.99
00:00:48.000 Tell me more about it, Joe. 1.00
00:00:49.000 The penis, Dominic, it goes into the vagina and it feels pretty good. 1.00
00:00:53.000 It feels pretty swell. 1.00
00:00:54.000 It pairs well with a good MyFreeCan.
00:00:56.000 There you go.
00:00:57.000 My free cams.
00:00:58.000 Oh, there were some girls that were soliciting your attention, Brian.
00:01:01.000 I don't know if you got those tweets.
00:01:02.000 Oh, I got them.
00:01:03.000 Yeah, I bet you did.
00:01:04.000 They're like, what about me? 1.00
00:01:05.000 A bunch of my free cam hookers. 0.99
00:01:07.000 I love it. 1.00
00:01:08.000 Fucking chasing after my pal. 0.99
00:01:09.000 My little buddy. 1.00
00:01:10.000 You're going to leave my little buddy alone. 1.00
00:01:12.000 Don't be mean, you dirty bitches. 1.00
00:01:16.000 Anyway, Fleshlight, Joe Rogan, enter in the codename Rogan. 1.00
00:01:19.000 That's my word.
00:01:19.000 What's my name?
00:01:20.000 Enter in the codename Rogan, save yourself 15% off.
00:01:22.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:01:24.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. 1.00
00:01:27.000 Did I ever give you any Alpha Brain stuff?
00:01:29.000 No.
00:01:29.000 I didn't.
00:01:29.000 God damn it, Tom.
00:01:30.000 You need some of this. 1.00
00:01:31.000 What do you mean I need it?
00:01:32.000 You need it.
00:01:32.000 I'm just telling you.
00:01:33.000 It's kind of hurtful.
00:01:33.000 It's bad.
00:01:35.000 Why do I need it?
00:01:36.000 Just me?
00:01:36.000 No, everybody needs it.
00:01:37.000 I use it.
00:01:39.000 I'm wanting you to try it just because I enjoy it.
00:01:42.000 What is it to help your memory?
00:01:43.000 Well, it helps your brain function better.
00:01:45.000 It's like, you know, you drink a little cup of coffee, you get a little pick-me-up.
00:01:48.000 You know what I mean?
00:01:48.000 You can think a little better.
00:01:50.000 At least I can.
00:01:52.000 AlphaBrain is like that.
00:01:53.000 It's nutrients that enhance your brain's ability to produce neurotransmitters.
00:01:58.000 It just helps your brain function.
00:02:00.000 There's a lot of controversial science behind all this.
00:02:03.000 I use it, and I use it because it's effective, and I've been using it for years.
00:02:08.000 I started using it, and I will give another plug to him because he's going to be on the podcast eventually.
00:02:12.000 Bill Romanowski's Neuro One was the first nootropic that I ever tried, and he concocted this combination of nutrients to help himself after he developed a few concussions from football.
00:02:25.000 I know.
00:02:26.000 He actually said if he didn't see stars, he didn't think he was hitting right.
00:02:30.000 Jesus Christ.
00:02:31.000 Yeah, every day.
00:02:32.000 It's like being in a car accident.
00:02:33.000 Could you imagine?
00:02:35.000 And you're a big football fan, right?
00:02:36.000 Yeah.
00:02:36.000 So you're real aware of...
00:02:38.000 I was in Denver, and we were doing something for Comedy Central, and Romanowski was...
00:02:44.000 I said, I want to interview Romanowski.
00:02:47.000 They said, no, you don't.
00:02:47.000 They said, I do.
00:02:48.000 And I go in to lunch.
00:02:49.000 He's sitting there at a table of eight alone.
00:02:52.000 The rest of the place is packed.
00:02:53.000 Whoa.
00:02:54.000 Yeah.
00:02:55.000 I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I just...
00:02:57.000 That's intense.
00:02:58.000 That's scary, dude.
00:02:59.000 I know.
00:02:59.000 Oh, he's scary, yeah.
00:03:02.000 Everybody's like, no. 1.00
00:03:03.000 Let that fucking guy eat by himself. 1.00
00:03:04.000 He was the one that spit in that guy's face on Monday Night Football. 1.00
00:03:07.000 Oh, really?
00:03:08.000 And they said it was a racial thing.
00:03:09.000 I'm thinking, no, it's not a racial thing. 0.99
00:03:10.000 He's just a nut. 0.99
00:03:11.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:12.000 Has nothing to do with anything. 1.00
00:03:13.000 He's just a fucking gangster on a gridiron. 0.99
00:03:15.000 His stuff, Neuro One, is the first nootropic that I ever tried. 0.99
00:03:19.000 If you're interested in AlphaBrain, go to Onnit.com.
00:03:21.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10% off any and all orders.
00:03:27.000 We also have kettlebells in, finally.
00:03:29.000 And they are the best quality kettlebells that we could find.
00:03:32.000 They're made by York.
00:03:33.000 And we're selling them as cheap as we can sell them.
00:03:36.000 They're excellent.
00:03:37.000 You only need to buy them once for an entire lifetime's worth of use.
00:03:41.000 And they're, in my opinion, they're my favorite workout piece of equipment.
00:03:45.000 I don't hardly do anything other than I do some bench press stuff.
00:03:49.000 I do a lot of chin-ups and body weight squats and stuff like that.
00:03:53.000 But almost everything else I do is kettlebells because it's just such an effective workout.
00:03:58.000 For like real body functional strength.
00:04:01.000 There's a lot of videos that are available on how to use kettlebells.
00:04:04.000 We'll eventually probably sell them on our site too.
00:04:07.000 We'll probably see if maybe we can buy some from Steve Maxwell.
00:04:12.000 Because I think, in my opinion, he's like one of the greatest kettlebell instructors alive.
00:04:15.000 And I've had the good pleasure of being trained by him a couple of times, so I can vouch for his stuff.
00:04:21.000 All of his videos are excellent.
00:04:23.000 They're awesome.
00:04:24.000 You can find them from Amazon and a bunch of different places, but any Steve Maxwell video on kettlebells, you can't go wrong.
00:04:30.000 Another one is Extreme Kettlebell Cardio Workout that Dragon Door sells. 0.78
00:04:33.000 I fucking love that video, too.
00:04:36.000 We don't have anything to do with any of these videos, but I'm just telling you, if you want to buy some kettlebells, that's what I recommend. 0.97
00:04:41.000 Go to Onnit.
00:04:42.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all orders.
00:04:46.000 The great Dom Irera is here. 0.73
00:04:47.000 International comedy dick slinger. 0.65
00:04:49.000 Back from a world tour! 0.95
00:04:52.000 The Joe Rogan experience.
00:04:54.000 Train by day.
00:04:55.000 Joe Rogan podcast by night.
00:04:57.000 All day.
00:05:00.000 Powerful Dom Irera.
00:05:03.000 Joe, you know how we're always doing the Irish accents to each other?
00:05:05.000 Yeah, why is that?
00:05:06.000 Why don't we do that?
00:05:06.000 Joe Rogan.
00:05:07.000 We've been doing that for decades.
00:05:09.000 Well, I went to Ireland, right?
00:05:11.000 I got to Ireland, unbelievable.
00:05:13.000 I mean, it was like, I told you over the phone, but I go in and I'm in Galway. 0.97
00:05:19.000 Don Moreira, for fuck's sake, we heard you with Joe Rogan. 0.98
00:05:21.000 We love the show. 0.99
00:05:22.000 One kid goes, I started doing martial arts because of Joe.
00:05:26.000 Do you realize you have an effect around the world?
00:05:28.000 That's beautiful.
00:05:29.000 This is Galway and Kilkenny.
00:05:30.000 This isn't even Dublin.
00:05:32.000 Well, you know what?
00:05:33.000 I don't think men are represented fairly in the media.
00:05:36.000 I don't think there's enough actual, you know, guys that are telling you what's really going on from their honest perspective as someone that you can relate to. 1.00
00:05:45.000 You know, I think a lot of people are full of shit. 0.99
00:05:47.000 I think a lot of men could use some martial arts training. 1.00
00:05:50.000 It's good for you.
00:05:51.000 I think martial arts and comedy is a great...
00:05:53.000 Great mix.
00:05:54.000 It does work.
00:05:55.000 It seems like it wouldn't, but it really does work.
00:05:57.000 You know, when I was a martial arts guy only and I got into comedy, I was almost embarrassed of having something to do with martial arts because it seemed so douchey.
00:06:05.000 It doesn't seem like that would be funny at all.
00:06:08.000 Joe, even people that beat the shit out of other people want to have a laugh once in a while.
00:06:12.000 They want to relax, too. 0.74
00:06:15.000 Yeah, comedy is great for you.
00:06:17.000 Martial arts, great for you.
00:06:19.000 Everybody.
00:06:20.000 And it's beautiful when I hear stuff like that.
00:06:22.000 Oh, it was great.
00:06:23.000 I got such a kick out of it.
00:06:25.000 I mean, it happened every night.
00:06:27.000 Every night, guys came because they heard me on the podcast.
00:06:30.000 That's awesome.
00:06:31.000 Yeah.
00:06:32.000 That's awesome.
00:06:33.000 I get people sending me pictures of their kale shakes.
00:06:36.000 Because I drink kale shakes every morning.
00:06:38.000 So I got a lot of people doing this.
00:06:40.000 Kevin James got me onto it.
00:06:41.000 Kevin James lost 80 pounds for this movie where he played an MMA fighter. 0.98
00:06:46.000 And looked fucking fantastic. 1.00
00:06:48.000 His fucking face became thin. 1.00
00:06:49.000 He always told me how strong he was. 1.00
00:06:51.000 He's an animal.
00:06:52.000 Kevin James loves to eat. 1.00
00:06:53.000 He eats like a motherfucker. 1.00
00:06:55.000 But physically, that guy, he's a bear, dude. 1.00
00:06:57.000 He's a big, boned...
00:06:59.000 He hits hard. 1.00
00:07:01.000 He's a big, scary motherfucker. 1.00
00:07:02.000 And he really could have been a fighter if he ever chose to go down that path. 1.00
00:07:07.000 He has serious power, especially in his hands.
00:07:09.000 But he hit mitts with Mark Della Grotti.
00:07:12.000 And I was watching him hit the mitts.
00:07:13.000 He's like a real athlete, even though he's this big guy.
00:07:16.000 So he lost all this weight and he looked so good.
00:07:19.000 I was so blown away. 0.99
00:07:19.000 I was like, what the fuck did you do? 0.99
00:07:21.000 And he said, the most important thing is everything. 0.99
00:07:23.000 I switched to an all-vegetable diet.
00:07:25.000 Everything was vegetables.
00:07:26.000 He didn't eat any animal products at all.
00:07:28.000 And he did this for a long time.
00:07:30.000 He went back to it eventually.
00:07:32.000 But he would have a kale shake every morning.
00:07:35.000 And the idea was you have this thing called a Vitamix.
00:07:39.000 You throw kale, cucumber, celery, pears.
00:07:43.000 And then I throw ginger and garlic in there.
00:07:45.000 Raw garlic. 1.00
00:07:46.000 And it tastes like ass. 0.99
00:07:48.000 I mean, it's barely eatable. 1.00
00:07:51.000 Every time I do it, it's like a little victory.
00:07:53.000 I just won.
00:07:54.000 I got through that.
00:07:55.000 Next day, I win again.
00:07:57.000 Every time I do it, I feel like I win.
00:07:59.000 Go ahead.
00:08:01.000 But I was just saying, but nutrient-wise, it's incredibly dense.
00:08:04.000 It opens up your bowels. 1.00
00:08:06.000 Your shit comes out like it's just lubed up and on one of those water slides. 1.00
00:08:12.000 It's like your body, you feel way healthier. 1.00
00:08:14.000 Water slide shit. 0.99
00:08:16.000 I've always wanted. 1.00
00:08:17.000 Shits are spectacular. 0.99
00:08:18.000 My shits, when I have these kale shakes, are spectacular. 1.00
00:08:19.000 You wish you could invite people to do one of your shittings. 1.00
00:08:21.000 I wish I did. 1.00
00:08:22.000 I wish people could, if I could record it and then play it back for you, you could feel how great it feels when it's so gently, effortlessly pours out of my ass. 0.99
00:08:34.000 It's good to be back on the show. 1.00
00:08:35.000 My shit's entirely green. 1.00
00:08:37.000 You're kidding. 1.00
00:08:38.000 It goes right through me entirely green.
00:08:40.000 It's crazy. 1.00
00:08:41.000 And it's like, man, how clean is my asshole? 1.00
00:08:43.000 My asshole is like vegetable fresh. 1.00
00:08:45.000 It's Martian ass. 1.00
00:08:46.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:08:46.000 So that's how I learned from Kevin. 1.00
00:08:48.000 And that's like people send me these pictures now all the time of their kale shakes.
00:08:51.000 I get it all the time on Twitter.
00:08:53.000 You know when we went to dinner?
00:08:54.000 I'm going to see my kale shake, Joe.
00:08:56.000 I went to dinner at the Palm that night.
00:08:58.000 Yeah.
00:08:58.000 At the steakhouse.
00:08:59.000 Yeah.
00:09:00.000 Great place.
00:09:00.000 And I noticed, yeah, Kevin was in a great mood, talking, laughing.
00:09:03.000 As soon as the food came, he was like on a mission. 0.98
00:09:05.000 He didn't fucking look up. 0.97
00:09:07.000 Like, it was his last meal. 0.98
00:09:08.000 Well, that's when Kevin had gotten back to eating again.
00:09:11.000 Oh, okay.
00:09:11.000 Yeah, that was, because he had really like, he's all in or nothing.
00:09:15.000 He's like, he's kind of like me in a lot of ways.
00:09:17.000 We're very similar.
00:09:18.000 And one of the ways is that we get crazy about things. 0.99
00:09:20.000 You know, he'll get crazy about golf and just be like, fuck, I'm going to play golf all day for a year. 0.99
00:09:24.000 Right. 1.00
00:09:25.000 You're like that in pool.
00:09:26.000 Yeah, I got real problems.
00:09:28.000 You're starting to warm up after three hours.
00:09:29.000 Joe, I'm tired.
00:09:31.000 I played a dude the other day and we only played a race to five.
00:09:35.000 It was like, God, it was such a tease.
00:09:36.000 I wasn't even warmed up yet.
00:09:38.000 For me, pool is like a three or four hour experience.
00:09:42.000 Well, you have that long time.
00:09:44.000 Like I said to you, you have the marathon runner and I have a sprinter mentality.
00:09:50.000 Like when I'm on stage... 0.99
00:09:51.000 If I'm doing really well, I can't wait to get the fuck off because I'm doing really well. 0.98
00:09:54.000 I want 45 minutes. 0.99
00:09:56.000 I'm out of there.
00:09:57.000 Bing, bang, boom.
00:09:58.000 Yeah, but you love to be up there for a couple hours, and it's great.
00:10:02.000 Only if I can maintain the energy.
00:10:05.000 I've never seen you not.
00:10:06.000 Well, I think also you have to factor in the audience's energy.
00:10:09.000 I don't do shows as long as I used to do. 0.94
00:10:11.000 I've done some stupid two-and-a-half-hour shows, and the problem with that is people don't want to hear you talk for two-and-a-half hours. 0.94
00:10:17.000 After a while, they're bored. 0.99
00:10:18.000 And then the end of it, it always became like this question and answer section.
00:10:23.000 And it felt to me like what I was doing was I was having this killer hour and ten minutes of comedy, and then I was ending it with like an hour of mediocrity. 0.98
00:10:32.000 And I was like, this is like the question and answer sometimes would be awesome, but sometimes it would just sort of become a fucking yell fest. 0.99
00:10:39.000 People yelling shit and just become gross. 0.99
00:10:42.000 Well, some of that. 1.00
00:10:43.000 You know the Dave Chappelle thing with the five hours?
00:10:46.000 Yes.
00:10:46.000 I said to the...
00:10:47.000 I think it was up to seven.
00:10:49.000 Okay, whatever. 0.92
00:10:50.000 Something ridiculous.
00:10:51.000 And I said to the booker of the club, I said, did he do material?
00:10:54.000 She goes, it was all new material.
00:10:55.000 I said, well, I don't believe that.
00:10:57.000 So I asked the staff.
00:10:58.000 They go for material.
00:10:59.000 He asked one guy where he was from three times.
00:11:02.000 The guy says, I'm still from Pittsburgh.
00:11:06.000 That's hilarious.
00:11:07.000 Well, you know, if people are willing to just sit there and you just sit around talking, does that still stand up?
00:11:14.000 You know, it's like your stand-up is you're a craftsman.
00:11:19.000 When you go up there, you've got jokes, you've got punchlines, you've got setups.
00:11:22.000 You can't wait to get to them because they're killer.
00:11:25.000 But I have no idea how to write. 0.81
00:11:26.000 I swear to God.
00:11:27.000 That's not true.
00:11:28.000 I don't.
00:11:28.000 I don't have any idea how to write a joke.
00:11:30.000 How did you say that?
00:11:30.000 Because it has to come out in its own way.
00:11:35.000 I don't know how to like mathematically...
00:11:37.000 Remember Rita Rudner?
00:11:38.000 Uh-huh.
00:11:39.000 People like that are like joke technicians.
00:11:41.000 Right.
00:11:42.000 Do you know how to write a joke or you just say funny things?
00:11:45.000 I just write.
00:11:46.000 What I do is I write blogs, like blog entries, and then in writing about something, since there's no pressure to be funny, then I get the ideas for jokes out of that.
00:11:57.000 Or I have ideas and I'll slowly work them out on stage.
00:12:00.000 I do a bunch of different ways.
00:12:02.000 Sometimes I don't have anything written.
00:12:03.000 It's just this idea that's been fucking with me, and then I go on stage and I try it one way, and then I say, well, that idea was missing something, and I'll try it another way the next time, until eventually I get it. 0.97
00:12:13.000 I had dreams the last two weeks of shit that was killing in my dream. 0.97
00:12:19.000 You told me that when we were playing pool! 0.99
00:12:21.000 Oh yeah, and I had another one since then.
00:12:23.000 But I was having this dream about organic alcohol.
00:12:26.000 What was the one that you told me when we were playing pool?
00:12:29.000 About relief pitchers?
00:12:30.000 Yes, yes.
00:12:30.000 I had this dream.
00:12:31.000 I woke up fucking 70,000 people. 0.99
00:12:33.000 I'm going, what's up with relief pitchers? 0.99
00:12:35.000 I mean, you know, what's a relief if they get off? 1.00
00:12:37.000 You know, it's like such stupid non-joke. 0.99
00:12:40.000 And I'm fucking like, there was a part of me that I think I knew I was asleep and I said, I can't wait to wake up to fucking write this down. 0.99
00:12:47.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.98
00:12:48.000 Nothing was funny.
00:12:49.000 It was so unfunny, it's funny.
00:12:52.000 And you were killing in your dreams. 1.00
00:12:53.000 I was killing my fucking throngs of people. 1.00
00:12:55.000 I know I've done that before. 1.00
00:12:56.000 I know I've had dreams where I was killing on stage.
00:12:59.000 I can't remember.
00:12:59.000 I'm going, God, this is the best stuff I've ever written.
00:13:02.000 Yeah.
00:13:02.000 And I couldn't wait to write it down.
00:13:03.000 Then I woke up, I'm like, what are you talking about, idiot? 1.00
00:13:05.000 You ever wake up laughing, Joe? 1.00
00:13:07.000 Sometimes, yeah.
00:13:07.000 I had a dream.
00:13:08.000 When I was first moving to New York, And my dream was I had a job, and it was involved.
00:13:14.000 I had to sit in soup to see how long scientists would stand around with these charts, see how long it took soup to cool.
00:13:20.000 And it was chicken gumbo soup, right? 0.95
00:13:22.000 And I remember sitting in the soup, and I was like, ah, it's fucking hot, ah, ah. 0.94
00:13:25.000 And then I sit down and I turn to the camera. 0.95
00:13:28.000 There's a camera in my dream.
00:13:29.000 And I go, hey, $8 an hour for sitting in soup?
00:13:31.000 How bad could it be?
00:13:33.000 Then I moved to New York.
00:13:35.000 And then the rest is history.
00:13:37.000 That's hilarious.
00:13:38.000 I think if you laugh a lot and you're used to laughing a lot, it's more likely that you're going to laugh in dreams.
00:13:43.000 Yeah, I wonder if Bert Kreischer just sits there and laughs nonstop in his dreams. 0.99
00:13:47.000 I'll tell you what, Bert is a happy motherfucker right now. 0.97
00:13:51.000 I've never met anybody who's more thankful for his success and things that are going well in his life and so happy. 0.98
00:13:58.000 He's such a happy, nice guy.
00:14:00.000 I always wonder about guys who are always depressed, like Marc Maron.
00:14:03.000 Yeah.
00:14:04.000 I love Marc.
00:14:05.000 But Marc is one of those guys that was always so depressed.
00:14:08.000 Now he's successful and he's got a really nice girlfriend.
00:14:11.000 I go, is this bothering you?
00:14:12.000 He goes, I don't know what to do.
00:14:13.000 I don't know what to do with my feelings because he's so used to being miserable.
00:14:17.000 He's got to be careful, man, because all that is really bad for you.
00:14:21.000 All that years of...
00:14:22.000 And that's not like woo-woo.
00:14:24.000 That's real.
00:14:25.000 Years of harboring resentment and bad feelings and selfishness like that. 0.99
00:14:29.000 All that negativity, that fucks with you, man. 0.98
00:14:32.000 It keeps you from sleeping right. 0.99
00:14:33.000 He seems better to me, though.
00:14:34.000 I'm sure he is.
00:14:35.000 I'm sure he is.
00:14:36.000 I mean, he's a smart guy.
00:14:37.000 He knows.
00:14:37.000 I mean, he's been...
00:14:38.000 One of the things is doing a podcast where you very...
00:14:45.000 Very openly bear your soul.
00:14:47.000 When he does these monologues where he talks about things in the beginning of his podcast, he's very honest about all of his transgressions and his thoughts about him in the past and all sorts of different things.
00:15:02.000 So I think it's super therapeutic in a way to do something like that. 0.99
00:15:05.000 You can really get over your shit when you broadcast it. 0.99
00:15:09.000 I think... 1.00
00:15:12.000 I think we all have a tendency.
00:15:13.000 It's so easy to go towards the negative.
00:15:16.000 It's just so dangerous.
00:15:17.000 It's so dangerous to think that that's the more profound way to think. 1.00
00:15:20.000 It's so fucking stupid for you. 1.00
00:15:22.000 I never really let somebody else's success diminish me. 1.00
00:15:27.000 You never have.
00:15:28.000 You've never been a jealous guy ever about anybody.
00:15:30.000 Somebody said one time about Eddie Murphy, does it bother you?
00:15:33.000 I said, what? 0.97
00:15:34.000 What the fuck's Eddie Murphy have to do with me? 0.99
00:15:35.000 He's tremendously talented. 0.99
00:15:37.000 It's not like if he didn't do 48 hours, I would've.
00:15:40.000 Well, you know what I always loved about you, Dom?
00:15:42.000 Not just that you were a great comic, but you really love stand-up comedy.
00:15:47.000 Everyone had this idea at some point in time in comedy that...
00:15:52.000 I mean, not everyone, but a lot of people in Hollywood.
00:15:54.000 You put together an act, and then you got a sitcom.
00:15:58.000 And then you got a sitcom, and then you went from a sitcom to a movie career, and that's the only way to do it.
00:16:02.000 And anywhere else is not fun.
00:16:04.000 But you were like, I like being a comic.
00:16:06.000 I do.
00:16:06.000 I'm making plenty of money.
00:16:08.000 I got a nice car.
00:16:09.000 I live in a nice house. 1.00
00:16:10.000 What the fuck do you want from me? 1.00
00:16:12.000 What do I need? 1.00
00:16:12.000 Yeah, what do you want from me? 1.00
00:16:13.000 What else?
00:16:14.000 Yeah.
00:16:15.000 One guy says to me, he goes, what else you got coming up?
00:16:17.000 Did I ever tell you this?
00:16:18.000 He's like the deli man.
00:16:20.000 What else?
00:16:20.000 What else?
00:16:21.000 That's all you're going to have.
00:16:22.000 And I said to him, I got this Nickelodeon really cool movie and we're going to series.
00:16:27.000 He goes, you got anything big coming up? 0.98
00:16:29.000 What the fuck big you got coming up? 0.99
00:16:31.000 A Jiffy Loop? 0.99
00:16:32.000 A new muffler?
00:16:33.000 I don't bother.
00:16:34.000 I don't judge other people's careers.
00:16:36.000 It's a funny thing, though. 1.00
00:16:37.000 People will talk shit. 1.00
00:16:38.000 I've seen so many people talk shit on Twitter about random people's careers. 1.00
00:16:42.000 Like, whatever happened to RIP to this guy's career. 1.00
00:16:46.000 Like, who the fuck are you? 1.00
00:16:47.000 What is that weird free shot? 1.00
00:16:50.000 That's a bizarre thing.
00:16:52.000 Like sports writers who couldn't make their grade school football teams are critiquing guys like Romanowski, critiquing guys that are great players.
00:17:00.000 They never played.
00:17:01.000 They never played anything.
00:17:02.000 Well, I've critiqued fighters.
00:17:03.000 Well, I fought kickboxing in Taekwondo, but I've never fought an MMA fight.
00:17:07.000 All I do is critique people.
00:17:08.000 Yeah, but you would have if it came up when you were coming up, you would have fought them.
00:17:12.000 Yeah, I would have.
00:17:13.000 And I'd probably be...
00:17:14.000 I'd probably be a mess right now.
00:17:17.000 Right about now.
00:17:18.000 Physically.
00:17:19.000 I'll never forget the fight that I came to see you and the mother and the sister were sitting next to me and the guy that got knocked out.
00:17:24.000 That's when reality hits you.
00:17:27.000 When you're sitting next to the relatives.
00:17:28.000 Yeah.
00:17:29.000 Well, especially if they get badly KO'd.
00:17:31.000 There's a visceral fear that comes from people getting badly KO'd because it looks like they're done.
00:17:37.000 A guy gets head kicked or something.
00:17:39.000 You remember when we went to that fight in Vegas and the guy got hit and the ref caught him?
00:17:42.000 I do.
00:17:43.000 He was so light.
00:17:44.000 You remember?
00:17:44.000 It was Felix Trinidad.
00:17:45.000 Really?
00:17:46.000 Yeah.
00:17:46.000 We saw Felix Trinidad.
00:17:48.000 I forget who he was fighting, but it was when Trinidad was really coming up. 0.98
00:17:52.000 It was when he was light.
00:17:54.000 I think it was a welterweight fight.
00:17:56.000 But yeah, he caught him with a left hook. 0.68
00:17:58.000 Bam! 0.98
00:17:58.000 Dropped him. 0.98
00:17:59.000 Felix Trinidad had a wicked left hook.
00:18:01.000 But the ref caught him.
00:18:02.000 Was that the one the ref caught the guy before he hit the ground?
00:18:04.000 Yep.
00:18:04.000 At least the back of his head didn't hit.
00:18:06.000 Just the front of his head was hurt.
00:18:07.000 Yeah, we saw a couple great fights in Vegas.
00:18:10.000 I don't remember who else we saw fight there, but I remember we saw a couple good fights there.
00:18:15.000 Boxing live is weird.
00:18:17.000 I'm used to it at the UFC because I'm the voice of it, but it's weird when you're sitting there and you don't hear any commentary. 0.99
00:18:22.000 Watching guys just fucking get their shit kicked out of each other. 0.99
00:18:26.000 Just the sounds of it and the sweat and the blood. 0.99
00:18:29.000 Yeah, the impact sounds and the O's of the audience. 1.00
00:18:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:18:33.000 Oh shit I told you what I realized After seeing that stuff And I want to do it again You know I loved it But I love violence I do I love I just don't like fake violence Like I don't like violent movies Because I don't like that I don't like seeing somebody Like Joe Pesci Be able to beat Some 25 year old stud Because he's the star Right right right I just don't buy that shit Get out of here! 1.00
00:18:53.000 You know, it's like... 0.99
00:18:54.000 Yeah.
00:18:55.000 You know, Joe Pesci almost got beat up by the bouncer at the Laugh Act.
00:18:59.000 Oh, you know that story, right?
00:19:00.000 Yeah.
00:19:00.000 That was Red.
00:19:01.000 Red was the mulatto guy. 1.00
00:19:03.000 He looked like a human wall.
00:19:04.000 Well, this was a different story then, because I'm talking about Ken.
00:19:08.000 Big Ken, the rapper.
00:19:09.000 Oh, it was Ken?
00:19:10.000 Yeah.
00:19:10.000 I thought it was red.
00:19:11.000 Was that the one where he says, this ain't a movie? 1.00
00:19:15.000 This ain't no movie, motherfucker. 1.00
00:19:16.000 Oh, it was Ken. 1.00
00:19:18.000 Yeah.
00:19:19.000 You remember Ken, right?
00:19:20.000 Yeah, yeah, of course. 0.99
00:19:21.000 Ken was a big fucking dude. 0.99
00:19:22.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:19:22.000 He was a football player and a rapper. 1.00
00:19:25.000 And apparently something happened and Joe Pesci, he tried to go crazy with him.
00:19:30.000 He yelled at him or something. 1.00
00:19:32.000 And Ken was like, This is a fucking movie, bitch. 1.00
00:19:34.000 And he got fired. 1.00
00:19:35.000 Ken got fired.
00:19:36.000 Did he get fired for that?
00:19:37.000 Yeah.
00:19:38.000 Really?
00:19:38.000 Uh-huh.
00:19:38.000 Oh, wow.
00:19:39.000 That's sad.
00:19:40.000 That makes me sad, Jamie Masada.
00:19:42.000 You'll have to come on the podcast and bust his ball.
00:19:44.000 Buddy, it's only business, buddy.
00:19:46.000 I want you to come on that podcast and bust his ball.
00:19:47.000 What am I going to do, buddy?
00:19:48.000 Buddy.
00:19:49.000 The guy scream. 1.00
00:19:50.000 He scream at this guy's fucking movie star, buddy. 1.00
00:19:55.000 People that see the podcast are saying, who's the Mexican with you? 1.00
00:19:58.000 They're asking...
00:19:59.000 He's a crazy story.
00:20:01.000 Jamie Masada, the owner of The Laugh Factory, was a dishwasher at the comedy store.
00:20:04.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:20:05.000 And he decided to pool together some money and start his own fucking business. 0.99
00:20:08.000 What kind of money did he get together that he bought The Laugh Factory for? 0.99
00:20:11.000 On stage, I always say that he came over here as a...
00:20:14.000 He was a Jewish guy from Iran through Israel.
00:20:17.000 He came over here as a Jew.
00:20:20.000 Busted, broke.
00:20:21.000 Which, for a Jew, was like a couple million dollars.
00:20:23.000 Yeah.
00:20:24.000 Is this thing on?
00:20:26.000 So anyway, the podcast is called Dom Rare at the Laugh Factory Live.
00:20:30.000 Live at the Laugh Factory, something like that.
00:20:32.000 And when did you start doing this?
00:20:34.000 About four weeks ago.
00:20:35.000 Oh, that's awesome.
00:20:36.000 It's a perfect podcast for you.
00:20:38.000 It's perfect.
00:20:39.000 We're hoping to get Joe Rogan.
00:20:40.000 I hear he's gonna do it.
00:20:42.000 Once he gets back from Brazil with his fancy friends.
00:20:45.000 And who are you doing today?
00:20:47.000 Tony Rock.
00:20:48.000 Tony Rock.
00:20:48.000 Powerful Tony Rock.
00:20:49.000 He's funny, man.
00:20:50.000 Tony's good, yeah.
00:20:51.000 He's very funny.
00:20:52.000 I remember I saw him years ago, and then I saw him recently.
00:20:57.000 Maybe six months ago or so, maybe a year ago.
00:20:59.000 It's gotten so much better.
00:20:59.000 He got really good.
00:21:00.000 Isn't it interesting to see it click in?
00:21:02.000 I love watching people get good at anything.
00:21:04.000 Whether it's jujitsu or comedy.
00:21:07.000 I love watching people get good at pool. 0.99
00:21:08.000 I just love watching people figure shit out. 0.99
00:21:11.000 I love knowing that that whole process of figuring shit out is possible. 0.99
00:21:15.000 I love people when their fucking life is falling apart and they pull it together. 1.00
00:21:18.000 I love that shit. 1.00
00:21:20.000 I love it. 1.00
00:21:21.000 It's one of my favorite things in life. 0.99
00:21:22.000 A goddamn Rocky movie. 0.99
00:21:25.000 I gotta do it. 1.00
00:21:25.000 I'm starting to reach the depths of alcoholism. 1.00
00:21:28.000 For real?
00:21:29.000 Yeah.
00:21:30.000 Well, we talked about the whole Xanax thing.
00:21:32.000 You gotta try marijuana, Dominic.
00:21:34.000 I think I do.
00:21:35.000 I think you do.
00:21:36.000 I don't like smoke, though.
00:21:37.000 Well, you don't have to.
00:21:38.000 You can eat it.
00:21:39.000 Here you go.
00:21:40.000 Joey Diaz style.
00:21:41.000 Don't give him...
00:21:42.000 Jesus Christ!
00:21:43.000 I gotta drive.
00:21:44.000 First of all, you gotta do legit.
00:21:45.000 Yeah, you gotta drive.
00:21:46.000 And then you should do it legit.
00:21:47.000 Get a license.
00:21:49.000 You can get a marijuana prescription for various ailments.
00:21:51.000 I always wanted to take a couple hits.
00:21:52.000 It's been a while.
00:21:54.000 It's good for your glaucoma.
00:21:56.000 Maybe next time you do the podcast, we'll plan it out.
00:21:58.000 So I'm driving.
00:21:59.000 You don't have to worry about driving anywhere.
00:22:01.000 And we'll bake you out on air. 0.94
00:22:02.000 Okay.
00:22:03.000 What do you think?
00:22:04.000 Good?
00:22:04.000 I suppose I get paranoid.
00:22:06.000 Well, that's very likely.
00:22:07.000 That's very likely.
00:22:10.000 How much does it take to get you high?
00:22:11.000 Just a little bit.
00:22:13.000 This is really strong weed, you know?
00:22:15.000 They keep talking about that in the news, and we've talked about this on the podcast before.
00:22:19.000 The numbers of...
00:22:22.000 The THC is so high that this is not your father's marijuana.
00:22:26.000 It's totally true. 0.99
00:22:27.000 It's fucking really strong weed now. 0.98
00:22:29.000 But it's still not going to hurt you. 0.99
00:22:30.000 It's not going to kill you.
00:22:31.000 How long does it take to wear out?
00:22:32.000 It's not dangerous.
00:22:32.000 It just freaks you out.
00:22:34.000 You can take hours depending on your body.
00:22:36.000 That's the only thing.
00:22:37.000 I don't like getting stuck in something.
00:22:38.000 Yeah.
00:22:39.000 If I don't like it.
00:22:40.000 Well, it could be an issue.
00:22:41.000 Stanhope, he doesn't like it.
00:22:43.000 Stanhope hates weed.
00:22:44.000 Really?
00:22:44.000 See, I like alcohol.
00:22:45.000 I like anything damn. 0.99
00:22:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:22:47.000 Did I tell you that one of my best friends is prosecuting the Sandusky case?
00:22:51.000 Oh my God, really?
00:22:52.000 I knew about this like over a year and a half ago, but they had been gathering evidence, and it's really interesting.
00:22:59.000 I mean, it's...
00:23:01.000 We were doing, like, role-playing and trying to see what Sandusky would say if he took the stand.
00:23:05.000 His wife's on the stand today.
00:23:07.000 Wow.
00:23:07.000 Can you imagine?
00:23:08.000 That's crazy.
00:23:09.000 Oh, my God.
00:23:09.000 And, like, we're doing things like, why would 10 kids, you know, embarrass themselves or come out?
00:23:15.000 Well, I don't know.
00:23:16.000 Maybe they misremembered it.
00:23:18.000 I love that misremember. 1.00
00:23:19.000 That bullshit. 1.00
00:23:21.000 It's so scary. 1.00
00:23:22.000 The whole story is so scary because they protected him.
00:23:25.000 Yeah.
00:23:26.000 They protected that guy. 0.92
00:23:27.000 When people freaked out, when everybody went on a goddamn rampage because Joe Paterno got fired, I wonder what information they had. 0.97
00:23:37.000 Joe, wouldn't you just go to the cops? 0.98
00:23:40.000 Oh, yeah, you have to go to the cops.
00:23:41.000 Why would you go for the chain of command?
00:23:43.000 What is this, Nazi Germany?
00:23:44.000 I don't understand.
00:23:45.000 I don't understand what happened.
00:23:46.000 The commandant?
00:23:47.000 I don't understand what happened.
00:23:48.000 Well, what they said happened was he went to another assistant coach, went to his father, and then they went to paternal, and paternal went to somebody else.
00:23:56.000 I would have gone to the cops right away.
00:23:58.000 If I see somebody hurting a kid, bam, I'm out of here. 0.74
00:24:01.000 And how do you not beat him to death right there on the spot? 0.74
00:24:04.000 Yeah. 0.53
00:24:05.000 You know, that's got to be an instinct, too.
00:24:06.000 Sure. 1.00
00:24:07.000 You'd want to beat him to death. 1.00
00:24:08.000 That guy's raping a boy. 1.00
00:24:10.000 Ugh, the whole thing is just so creepy. 0.98
00:24:12.000 If it really happened the way they're saying it happened, I mean, I'm assuming at this point in time that he's guilty.
00:24:18.000 I mean, I guess that's not...
00:24:20.000 Why would all these kids come in?
00:24:21.000 Yeah, you're right.
00:24:22.000 No, I mean...
00:24:23.000 They didn't come from the same club. 0.99
00:24:24.000 I would certainly not argue it, but I just, you know, for the sake of being fair, the whole thing is fucking horrifying. 0.95
00:24:30.000 It's so terrifying. 0.97
00:24:31.000 It's so terrifying that they had this monster protected.
00:24:36.000 If that's really the case, that's so scary to me.
00:24:40.000 It is.
00:24:40.000 Well, it's Catholic Church type stuff.
00:24:42.000 How else could they not know?
00:24:44.000 I mean, how could they not know? 1.00
00:24:46.000 The Catholic Church type stuff is fucking horrifying, Tom. 1.00
00:24:50.000 We used to have a priest that molested us when I was in summer camp. 1.00
00:24:53.000 Really? 0.88
00:24:54.000 He never got me because I was such a nut.
00:24:55.000 I was always a light sleeper and afraid of the dark like a real man. 1.00
00:24:59.000 And I would have a flashlight on under my sheets.
00:25:02.000 Oh, wow.
00:25:03.000 I slept real light, you know, but...
00:25:06.000 And we knew about it.
00:25:07.000 And nobody said anything because he was a priest.
00:25:09.000 Oh my god.
00:25:10.000 And then they just had a whole thing about him.
00:25:12.000 Even though he's dead, they condemned his actions and stuff in the Philly Papers recently.
00:25:17.000 What did he used to do? 0.92
00:25:18.000 He would just like, you know, jerk off kids in their sleep or play with them or whatever.
00:25:22.000 I don't think he did any of the Sandusky type level stuff because it was mostly a sleep thing.
00:25:28.000 It's amazing when you find out how many of them.
00:25:31.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:25:32.000 Well, apparently the whole not having sex thing, abstinence thing doesn't work.
00:25:37.000 Well, not only does it not work, who's signing up for that?
00:25:41.000 It's not like you go to a different heaven than me.
00:25:43.000 All I have to do is be a good guy and follow God's word, and I go to heaven too. 1.00
00:25:47.000 And you don't get pussy? 1.00
00:25:48.000 I get to fuck my wife? 1.00
00:25:49.000 But that's ridiculous. 1.00
00:25:52.000 No natural person would accept that. 0.99
00:25:54.000 Something wrong with you in the first place. 1.00
00:25:56.000 It's bad for your prostate not to cum. 1.00
00:25:57.000 It is. 0.99
00:25:58.000 You can get prostate cancer.
00:25:59.000 Yeah.
00:25:59.000 It's terrible.
00:26:00.000 And not only is it terrible, like, how could an organization exist that has this many people that fuck kids? 1.00
00:26:08.000 Could you imagine if they just started up tomorrow? 1.00
00:26:10.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:26:10.000 If the Catholic Church started up tomorrow, and all of a sudden, you know, like, there was no Catholic Church, and then all of a sudden they said, listen, we just found this new religion, we're really sure this is what Jesus really meant, and they just started fucking kids. 0.99
00:26:21.000 20% of us fuck kids. 0.99
00:26:23.000 The rest of us... 1.00
00:26:23.000 Like, right away, people would stop it. 1.00
00:26:25.000 They would go, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99
00:26:27.000 You can't do this. 0.99
00:26:28.000 Well, you know, the shifting of the people was just as bad as some of the acts.
00:26:31.000 It's horrible.
00:26:32.000 You're putting a predator in a new area.
00:26:34.000 Well, that was Ratzinger, the guy who's the pope right now. 1.00
00:26:37.000 He was in charge of that shit. 0.99
00:26:39.000 You know what he said about... 1.00
00:26:40.000 Yeah, he said something about why...
00:26:41.000 Because in Ireland, the churches are empty.
00:26:45.000 And they said, why, you know, with so much molestation?
00:26:48.000 He said, it's a mystery. 1.00
00:26:49.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:26:50.000 What kind of answer is that? 1.00
00:26:51.000 Like, everything's a mystery.
00:26:53.000 It's a mystery.
00:26:53.000 It's not a mystery.
00:26:54.000 The universe is a mystery. 0.99
00:26:55.000 Irish people are fucking smart. 0.99
00:26:57.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:26:57.000 That's why. 0.99
00:26:58.000 They are smart.
00:26:58.000 They are smart.
00:26:59.000 They're smart as fuck. 0.99
00:27:00.000 I love doing stand-up up there. 0.99
00:27:02.000 They're rowdy, smart people. 1.00
00:27:04.000 They're not buying your bullshit. 1.00
00:27:06.000 You can only fuck their kids for so long. 1.00
00:27:07.000 The rest of the world has to catch up. 1.00
00:27:10.000 That's right.
00:27:10.000 Ireland's figured it out.
00:27:11.000 Yeah, you can't fuck our kids, asshole. 1.00
00:27:13.000 I've been going to Kilkenny more than any of the other Americans. 1.00
00:27:16.000 I really know a lot of people there.
00:27:18.000 It's so fun.
00:27:19.000 I go in to the grocery store next to the hotel, and this Asian guy calls me Don Moreira.
00:27:24.000 Don Moreira!
00:27:25.000 And he goes...
00:27:27.000 An Asian guy with an Irish accent?
00:27:28.000 It's half Irish, half Asian.
00:27:30.000 I can't do it.
00:27:32.000 You gotta try it.
00:27:34.000 You gotta try it.
00:27:35.000 He makes me a sandwich.
00:27:36.000 He goes, this on me.
00:27:38.000 You'll come back again next year. 0.97
00:27:41.000 I thought, how fucking nice is that? 0.96
00:27:43.000 8,000 miles away from my house. 0.96
00:27:45.000 You got a friend.
00:27:46.000 Yeah, give me a sandwich.
00:27:48.000 Thanks a lot, mister.
00:27:49.000 A free sandwich.
00:27:50.000 But it was really cool of him.
00:27:52.000 What is cool when you go to a place and you develop friends that you see once a year.
00:27:56.000 Oh, yeah.
00:27:57.000 It is nice.
00:27:58.000 It's one of the nice aspects of the road.
00:27:59.000 Absolutely.
00:28:00.000 I mean, a little town, Kilkenny, walking down the street.
00:28:02.000 Don't worry, Dom.
00:28:03.000 I hid the USA Today for you.
00:28:05.000 I know you like the sports there.
00:28:07.000 Because they don't like basketball.
00:28:09.000 They like soccer and hurling.
00:28:13.000 Hurling?
00:28:14.000 Hurling.
00:28:15.000 It's not throwing up. 0.99
00:28:17.000 It's like fucking rugby with sticks. 1.00
00:28:19.000 It's such a crazy game. 1.00
00:28:20.000 Oh, it's a crazy game.
00:28:22.000 Oh, my God.
00:28:23.000 Dude, I've never heard that. 1.00
00:28:24.000 Throw that shit up. 1.00
00:28:25.000 It's like a rougher side of lacrosse. 1.00
00:28:28.000 Irish people are savages. 1.00
00:28:30.000 They're fun. 0.98
00:28:30.000 I'll tell you what I did, Joe. 0.98
00:28:32.000 I'm telling you I have a problem with drinking.
00:28:33.000 I actually told the audience, I give up, you win.
00:28:36.000 I can't compete.
00:28:37.000 I came here thinking I was an alcoholic.
00:28:39.000 I realized I'm a moderate social drinker. 1.00
00:28:41.000 You fucking people win. 1.00
00:28:43.000 I've never met people less understandable that were speaking English than Northern Ireland. 1.00
00:28:48.000 Oh yeah, because they don't move their mouth.
00:28:50.000 They're like ventriloquists. 1.00
00:28:51.000 Oh my god, look at this fucking game. 1.00
00:28:56.000 What are they doing? 1.00
00:28:57.000 This is called hurling, huh?
00:29:00.000 Yeah.
00:29:02.000 Yeah, the Kilkenny Cats are the local team. 0.97
00:29:04.000 So they must hit the fuck out of each other with those sticks, too. 0.96
00:29:07.000 Oh, yeah, they do. 0.99
00:29:08.000 Oh, my God.
00:29:09.000 An axe-shaped stick.
00:29:10.000 Look at this.
00:29:10.000 Oh, this is crazy.
00:29:11.000 They're smashing them into each other.
00:29:13.000 3,000 years of sporting heritage. 0.96
00:29:17.000 Oh, what a crazy-ass game. 0.99
00:29:18.000 They're beating the fuck out of each other with these sticks! 0.99
00:29:20.000 I told you. 0.97
00:29:21.000 Oh, my God.
00:29:23.000 Oh! 0.60
00:29:24.000 And they run right into each other, full clip? 0.99
00:29:26.000 And that's why they think American football is such pussies, because they have so much equipment on. 1.00
00:29:30.000 Oh, this is the craziest game ever. 0.98
00:29:33.000 I did not know this existed.
00:29:35.000 Yeah.
00:29:35.000 How can I be alive for this long?
00:29:38.000 Oh, there's no rules.
00:29:39.000 This guy just grabbed the ball, threw it up in the air, and then hit it.
00:29:41.000 Did you say no rules or new rules?
00:29:43.000 New rules! 0.92
00:29:46.000 These guys are animals.
00:29:50.000 How long have you known about this?
00:29:52.000 Since I've been going there.
00:29:53.000 You know, I used to wear their shirt when I could still fit into it when I was in Montreal.
00:29:58.000 Boy, I hate seeing that.
00:29:59.000 Look at me, the image.
00:30:00.000 I have no idea that I look like that.
00:30:02.000 It's like a cat without whiskers that thinks they can get through any small space.
00:30:07.000 I have no idea how bloated I am.
00:30:09.000 My eyes look like they're half open.
00:30:12.000 You know what my doctor, Castiglione, said to me?
00:30:14.000 He said to me, Craig Ferguson, because he uses this old kind of language. 0.98
00:30:17.000 He goes, I saw you on fucking Ferguson. 0.98
00:30:19.000 You look like a Chinaman. 1.00
00:30:20.000 I said, who says Chinaman?
00:30:22.000 Yeah, last time you were here, you were talking about how you look like an Inuit.
00:30:25.000 What?
00:30:26.000 You said you were looking like an Inuit.
00:30:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:27.000 Like you were starting to develop.
00:30:30.000 And I can still, even at that look, I can still get women because of my act.
00:30:35.000 Thank God for my act.
00:30:37.000 Powerful Don Marrera.
00:30:38.000 You're just in Atlanta?
00:30:40.000 I'm in Atlanta.
00:30:41.000 I was in Atlanta this week.
00:30:42.000 I went great.
00:30:43.000 Punchline?
00:30:43.000 And I'm in Atlantic City on the 30th of June at Tropicana.
00:30:49.000 Oh, nice.
00:30:50.000 I was telling my friend McGettigan...
00:30:52.000 Are tickets available for that?
00:30:53.000 How do people get those tickets?
00:30:54.000 I guess just call the Tropicana box office.
00:30:57.000 If I was telling my friend McGettigan, who's doing the Sandusky trial, is there any way he could plug my date?
00:31:03.000 He said, how can I do that?
00:31:04.000 I said, well, you know, you go open with Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Your Honor.
00:31:09.000 This band, Sandusky, has caused so much pain to so many people, unlike comedian Don Marrera, who will be at the traffic camera on June 30th.
00:31:16.000 Eight o'clock, tickets available.
00:31:19.000 That would be hilarious.
00:31:20.000 Could you imagine if you actually did that?
00:31:21.000 Yes. 1.00
00:31:22.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:31:23.000 Talk about taking the credibility away from a trial. 0.99
00:31:25.000 Yeah, that might fuck up the whole trial.
00:31:27.000 He might get off.
00:31:29.000 Yeah, you can't really joke around.
00:31:31.000 You can't joke around at all.
00:31:31.000 He was reading some of the opening statements to me and somebody said, well, was he reading it for you to punch it up?
00:31:36.000 I go, no.
00:31:37.000 Just to bounce it off somebody.
00:31:39.000 I'm not supposed to punch it up.
00:31:40.000 So he's the prosecutor?
00:31:42.000 Yeah, he's the head prosecutor.
00:31:43.000 I send him all my positive energy.
00:31:45.000 Thanks. 1.00
00:31:46.000 Get that motherfucker. 1.00
00:31:47.000 Get him. 1.00
00:31:48.000 He's a genius, man.
00:31:49.000 It's amazing that a guy like Sandusky is still alive. 0.99
00:31:52.000 You know, with all the negative shit that that guy's done, how is his body still holding up? 0.99
00:31:56.000 How is he still alive? 0.99
00:31:57.000 How about when he waves to people like he's running for office? 1.00
00:31:59.000 He's smiling and shit. 1.00
00:32:01.000 You can see how psychotic he is. 1.00
00:32:03.000 I mean, if anybody else accused, if you're innocent, if you're accused of all this, you'd be out of your fucking mind. 0.99
00:32:09.000 It's so weird to even think about it, man. 0.99
00:32:12.000 It's so sick and gross.
00:32:17.000 There's so few things in life that disturb people more than someone taking advantage of children. 0.95
00:32:22.000 Oh, that's the worst. 1.00
00:32:23.000 Because they know that the whole future is, that kid's future is fucked. 1.00
00:32:25.000 You're poisoning that kid's mind. 1.00
00:32:27.000 Well, that's the one thing in prison, they say, that child molesters get their ass kicked. 0.99
00:32:30.000 Yeah, of course, because a lot of people are tortured. 0.99
00:32:34.000 Victims, yeah.
00:32:34.000 Yeah, as children.
00:32:35.000 It's fucking... 1.00
00:32:37.000 They said, I love when people go, I hope they do that to him in jail, but who's going to want to fuck him? 1.00
00:32:42.000 That fucking stretched out gray ass. 1.00
00:32:46.000 They're going to kill him. 1.00
00:32:47.000 If he goes into the general population, they'll beat him to death eventually. 0.99
00:32:50.000 Well, he's 69 now, right?
00:32:51.000 Yeah.
00:32:52.000 And then if they put him in solitary and isolation, I mean, it seems like they're just going to convict him.
00:32:59.000 I mean, it seems like the evidence is pretty overwhelming.
00:33:02.000 You know what the problem is with these kind of trials?
00:33:04.000 It has to be 100%.
00:33:05.000 It can't be a hung jury.
00:33:07.000 If one person is not sure, then they have to do a retrial.
00:33:10.000 This one seems so crazy, though.
00:33:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:33:12.000 It almost requires a second case. 0.98
00:33:14.000 It requires him to be guilty and then you to go back to the whole school and everyone involved and go, how the fuck didn't you see this? 0.93
00:33:21.000 Well, that's going to come down. 0.86
00:33:21.000 After this, the president, the guys who resigned, they have their day in court. 0.86
00:33:28.000 Paterno's dead, right?
00:33:29.000 Didn't he die?
00:33:29.000 Yeah, he died.
00:33:30.000 That killed him, too.
00:33:31.000 I mean, he had cancer, but I mean, he would have fought it.
00:33:34.000 He just was a beaten man.
00:33:36.000 I mean, what a terrible position to be in, you know?
00:33:39.000 Imagine having all those years of incredible success, and he was king of Nittany Valley, you know, Penn State, and then boom. 1.00
00:33:46.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
00:33:47.000 It just shows you, this ain't a fucking movie. 1.00
00:33:50.000 This ain't a movie. 0.99
00:33:51.000 This world is strange.
00:33:53.000 It operates. 0.99
00:33:54.000 It's fucking strange. 0.99
00:33:56.000 And you know, they're famous for their linebackers. 0.99
00:33:58.000 They called it Linebacker U. And you know who was the coach of the linebackers?
00:34:02.000 Sandusky.
00:34:02.000 So he was a revered.
00:34:06.000 Revered?
00:34:06.000 Revered.
00:34:09.000 Coach.
00:34:10.000 I'm turning to Irwin Corey.
00:34:12.000 I feel he was revered.
00:34:16.000 Wow, that's nuts.
00:34:17.000 Well, there's a lot of guys who do really good at coaching because they really like men.
00:34:22.000 That makes sense, right?
00:34:24.000 Yeah.
00:34:24.000 Well, you're really looking out for them.
00:34:27.000 Yeah, people put themselves in situations.
00:34:29.000 That's what's scary about it.
00:34:30.000 Some people really do love kids, and they love to see them successful. 0.98
00:34:34.000 I mean, I was a great fourth grade teacher because I fucking loved the kids. 0.98
00:34:37.000 And I told them, I said, I don't care. 0.98
00:34:39.000 I said, I want you to be happy.
00:34:41.000 I want you to have high self-esteem.
00:34:43.000 Right. 1.00
00:34:43.000 You learn this shit great. 1.00
00:34:44.000 I said, but let me tell you, you're never going to be in a... 1.00
00:34:47.000 Some of this math is such bullshit. 0.98
00:34:49.000 I said, you're never going to be in a bind to go, man, if I only knew the Pythagorean theorem, I'd get out of this gym. 0.99
00:34:54.000 It's better they're happy than learn.
00:34:56.000 I said, pass the marks because I don't want to get in trouble, but basically I want you to go to the gym and have fun in life.
00:35:04.000 That's a good teacher.
00:35:05.000 That's a great advice if you don't want any mathematicians for the rest of the human history.
00:35:11.000 But the mathematicians are going to come out anyway.
00:35:12.000 Kids that are eggheads who are brilliant in it.
00:35:15.000 You just shouldn't force kids like me who had nothing.
00:35:19.000 Is it possible to teach really complex things and just make it fun?
00:35:22.000 Yeah.
00:35:23.000 The only thing they couldn't understand, I could never get through to the kids, was the relativity of up and down.
00:35:29.000 How there's no absolute up or down.
00:35:30.000 It's relative to a point.
00:35:32.000 Because we're in the universe.
00:35:33.000 Yeah.
00:35:34.000 I mean, like, you know, people go, well, they don't understand how people in Australia are not upside down.
00:35:39.000 Right, right, right, right.
00:35:41.000 And I could never explain that from a relative point, but they're only 9, 10 years old.
00:35:45.000 Right.
00:35:46.000 Well, it is hard to grasp the whole organic spaceship thing.
00:35:49.000 Oh, yeah, that we're all floating out here.
00:35:51.000 Yeah.
00:35:52.000 We're looking for land, looking for property, Dom, looking to settle down, put a house down. 1.00
00:35:57.000 No, there's nothing permanent, stupid. 1.00
00:35:59.000 The whole earth is a convertible, and it's flying through the universe. 1.00
00:36:02.000 A convertible that can be easily hit by another convertible.
00:36:06.000 Yeah, and it happens.
00:36:07.000 That's the whole theory about the moon's creation. 0.99
00:36:09.000 The most recent theory is that there was Earth 1, and Earth 1 was like a fiery fucking ball of flame or whatever the fuck it was. 0.98
00:36:19.000 Different. 0.97
00:36:19.000 I don't know what about it was different than Earth 2, but it got hit by another planet. 0.97
00:36:23.000 And that created the moon and it changed the whole orbit of Earth and changed the atmosphere and that's the reason why everything exists today.
00:36:30.000 I mean the reason why we're able to sustain life because our temperature is remarkably consistent because of the fact that we have a moon.
00:36:39.000 Is that it?
00:36:40.000 I don't know how it stays within a couple of degrees.
00:36:42.000 Yeah, that's part of it.
00:36:43.000 Part of it is the moon.
00:36:45.000 The moon keeps our orbit really steady.
00:36:47.000 Somehow or another, like, its gravity interacts with us.
00:36:50.000 I don't understand it.
00:36:51.000 I don't understand gravity.
00:36:52.000 I mean, we're supposed to understand what makes things float in space and what makes things stick to those things.
00:36:58.000 I used to have a fear when I went to the beach that I would be sucked up into the air and gravity wouldn't work just for me. 0.99
00:37:04.000 I swear, just that day, all of a sudden, I'm going, fuck gravity. 0.97
00:37:07.000 Thanks a lot. 0.98
00:37:08.000 And I can't get down.
00:37:09.000 Gravity is a crazy thing to wrap your head around.
00:37:12.000 There's stuff floating.
00:37:13.000 When you get outside of the gravity of the Earth, so you pass a certain distance from the Earth where it no longer pulls on you, you can float.
00:37:20.000 Yeah.
00:37:21.000 Like, the Earth has...
00:37:22.000 It's not that far.
00:37:23.000 It's not that far.
00:37:24.000 It's a few hundred miles, right?
00:37:25.000 I mean, 30 miles or something, right?
00:37:28.000 Yeah, I think it's like...
00:37:28.000 Just as soon as you get out of the ionosphere...
00:37:31.000 How many miles is it?
00:37:31.000 Am I making things up?
00:37:33.000 300 miles is like space shuttle.
00:37:34.000 That's where the space shuttle goes.
00:37:37.000 They go to like 250, 300 miles.
00:37:40.000 They go somewhere around there.
00:37:41.000 It's crazy.
00:37:42.000 Obviously, that's where the space station is.
00:37:44.000 You can float around up there.
00:37:46.000 But I don't know at what height you can start floating.
00:37:50.000 What height do you come crashing to your death, and what height can you just float around?
00:37:54.000 Because that's a real fine line, man.
00:37:57.000 I was doing a roast with, who was the first man on the moon?
00:38:01.000 Neil Armstrong.
00:38:02.000 Neil Armstrong.
00:38:03.000 I think it was Neil Armstrong.
00:38:04.000 It was one of those guys.
00:38:04.000 Buzz Aldrin?
00:38:05.000 Buzz Aldrin, yeah.
00:38:06.000 He was a member of the Friars Club.
00:38:08.000 Really? 0.99
00:38:08.000 I did a roast, and I remember saying, like, what the fuck could scare you? 0.99
00:38:13.000 You've been to the moon. 0.99
00:38:14.000 Can I imagine sitting in a ship going, boys we're off to the moon today.
00:38:19.000 If you really went to the moon.
00:38:22.000 Wait a second.
00:38:23.000 Was it a Disney film?
00:38:25.000 Joe, are you telling us that nobody ever really went to the moon?
00:38:28.000 I think it's very possible that people went to the moon.
00:38:31.000 It's also very possible they faked the whole thing.
00:38:34.000 Well, if they did, it was like the best orgasm I ever had.
00:38:37.000 They did a good job.
00:38:38.000 They got us all excited.
00:38:40.000 People think I'm retarded for thinking this, and they're right. 1.00
00:38:42.000 I am retarded. 0.91
00:38:43.000 You're not retarded. 1.00
00:38:44.000 You're special.
00:38:45.000 Thank you.
00:38:46.000 Like, what is her name?
00:38:49.000 Special.
00:38:51.000 So special.
00:38:52.000 What is that song?
00:38:53.000 I don't know.
00:38:53.000 I gotta have some of your attention.
00:38:56.000 Oh, yeah.
00:38:58.000 Paddy. 1.00
00:38:59.000 The fuck? 1.00
00:39:00.000 The Pretenders. 1.00
00:39:01.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:02.000 No, no.
00:39:03.000 Not The Pretenders.
00:39:05.000 Yeah, I think it was The Pretenders.
00:39:07.000 Was it?
00:39:07.000 It was...
00:39:08.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:39:09.000 I can't remember the name now. 1.00
00:39:10.000 What was Tom Petty's band?
00:39:12.000 The Heartbreakers.
00:39:12.000 Heartbreakers.
00:39:13.000 Why did I think he was a pretender?
00:39:15.000 He was a heartbreaker, not a pretender.
00:39:17.000 I used to work with him on the old Gary Shaling show.
00:39:20.000 Oh, really? 1.00
00:39:20.000 Tom Petty's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:39:22.000 We used to sing Beatles songs together. 1.00
00:39:24.000 I remember when I was a kid, I was about 13 years old, and this girl was telling me how cute she thought Tom Petty was.
00:39:30.000 And I'll never forget this.
00:39:31.000 I was like, Tom Petty is such...
00:39:32.000 Chrissy Hines.
00:39:33.000 Chrissy Hines, thank you. 0.99
00:39:34.000 And I was like, Tom Petty is such a bad motherfucker that this girl, they think he's cute. 1.00
00:39:39.000 Well, because he's, like, cute, ugly. 0.99
00:39:41.000 Because he's talented. 0.78
00:39:42.000 Because he's so talented.
00:39:43.000 That's the advantage of being a man.
00:39:44.000 You think any guy goes Susan Boyle.
00:39:47.000 Oh, man.
00:39:47.000 Nope.
00:39:48.000 I'd love to bang her. 1.00
00:39:49.000 Nope. 1.00
00:39:49.000 Look at all the fucking awards she's won. 1.00
00:39:51.000 Well, there's a few dudes out there that will marry, you know, famous monsters. 1.00
00:39:55.000 There's a few girls that'll do that. 1.00
00:39:57.000 That'll pick up a good looking guy that's kind of lost and clueless.
00:40:02.000 That happens.
00:40:02.000 That does happen.
00:40:03.000 You get a himbo. 1.00
00:40:04.000 There's girls that are powerful women that have himbos. 1.00
00:40:07.000 I've seen that shit. 1.00
00:40:08.000 But it's not as common. 1.00
00:40:09.000 No, not even close.
00:40:11.000 Not even close. 0.74
00:40:12.000 But women will genuinely, legitimately be attracted to some really successful gross guys.
00:40:17.000 Thank you.
00:40:19.000 I appreciate the compliment.
00:40:21.000 Well, I was setting you up, Tom.
00:40:23.000 I wasn't...
00:40:23.000 I know you had something to say about the subject.
00:40:27.000 It's a weird thing.
00:40:29.000 Thank God we're men.
00:40:30.000 Being a woman is much, much more difficult.
00:40:33.000 Really difficult.
00:40:34.000 I mean, the whole thing about makeup and getting ready. 0.98
00:40:38.000 Oh, I was at a fucking... 0.98
00:40:40.000 I was at a... 0.99
00:40:41.000 Well, I don't even want to say where it was.
00:40:43.000 I ran into...
00:40:45.000 A woman that was very hot in, like, the 1970s.
00:40:48.000 And now she's, you know, now she's getting along in her age. 0.99
00:40:53.000 And she's got all this plastic surgery and shit. 1.00
00:40:55.000 And it was so weird to see. 0.99
00:40:58.000 She's a famous person.
00:40:58.000 I want to say her name.
00:40:59.000 Not Joan Rivers.
00:41:00.000 I won't say it.
00:41:01.000 No.
00:41:01.000 It wasn't Joan Rivers.
00:41:02.000 Joan Rivers looks like a cat now. 0.99
00:41:03.000 Like a space cat.
00:41:05.000 She looks like an alien or something. 1.00
00:41:06.000 It's fucking scary. 1.00
00:41:07.000 It's weird. 1.00
00:41:07.000 Egyptian. 1.00
00:41:08.000 Yeah.
00:41:08.000 And I wonder if what she's doing, if that's permanent, can you like...
00:41:12.000 No, it's permanent, yeah.
00:41:13.000 It's permanent?
00:41:14.000 You can't like relax and stop doing what you're doing that makes your face like that?
00:41:19.000 No, I remember I worked with somebody who I love, who I don't want to really go into it, but she had had plastic surgery and kept an eye on it.
00:41:27.000 Yeah.
00:41:27.000 And when she smiled, when she laughed, her face didn't move.
00:41:31.000 She would go... 0.99
00:41:32.000 That was fucking scary. 0.99
00:41:34.000 That's that Botox. 0.99
00:41:36.000 Could be Botox. 0.96
00:41:37.000 You're shooting a poison in your face.
00:41:40.000 Oh yeah, a guy who used to run a casino in Vegas, he had Botox and he was going, give me an emotion. 0.94
00:41:49.000 I go, happiness.
00:41:51.000 He would never make a face.
00:41:52.000 He couldn't move his face.
00:41:54.000 Does that look better?
00:41:55.000 Well, it just looks tighter.
00:41:57.000 I don't know if it looks better. 1.00
00:41:58.000 I think you just gotta deal with the fact that you're getting older, bitch. 1.00
00:42:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:42:01.000 That shit is just weird. 1.00
00:42:03.000 I need to get some Botox for my girlfriend's pussy. 1.00
00:42:05.000 Oh, man. 1.00
00:42:06.000 You know, you don't say much, but when you come in, bam, the show comes to a lot.
00:42:10.000 We realize while you're here.
00:42:12.000 Your true talent shines.
00:42:14.000 Did you feel the halt this show came to when he made that confident?
00:42:17.000 He swings on a lot of pitches, and I'm trying to get him to calm down at the plate.
00:42:21.000 That was my 3 p.m.
00:42:22.000 halt.
00:42:23.000 That was your what?
00:42:24.000 3 p.m.
00:42:24.000 halt, because I heard Don had to leave at 3. Oh, do you have to leave at 3?
00:42:28.000 I can do another 15 minutes.
00:42:30.000 All right, another 15 minutes.
00:42:31.000 10, 15. That's why you did it?
00:42:32.000 Mm-hmm.
00:42:33.000 Really?
00:42:33.000 You planned it out?
00:42:34.000 Yep.
00:42:34.000 You are smart, man.
00:42:36.000 I take it back.
00:42:37.000 He's sort of like a suicide bomber for podcasts.
00:42:40.000 LAUGHTER Yeah, you see the difference?
00:42:45.000 Is your podcast available on iTunes?
00:42:47.000 I think it is.
00:42:48.000 And what is it?
00:42:49.000 Is it under Laugh Factory?
00:42:50.000 They started with Laugh Factory, Dom Herrera Live, or something.
00:42:53.000 Now it's Dom Herrera Live at the Laugh Factory.
00:42:56.000 We should figure out how these people can find this, Tom.
00:42:58.000 How do they find this?
00:42:59.000 I know.
00:42:59.000 That should be better.
00:43:00.000 I mean, don't you think when you ask me about the Tropicana, I should know how to call it?
00:43:03.000 Yeah.
00:43:03.000 I better get over.
00:43:04.000 I've got to do some press and fillings.
00:43:06.000 Yeah, well, you're one of the great comedians of our era, and you're out here with a barely functional website and very little Twitter presence.
00:43:14.000 I know.
00:43:14.000 Do you use the Twitter now?
00:43:16.000 I see you have it.
00:43:16.000 I have it.
00:43:17.000 My goddaughter moved in with me yesterday, so with her living there, she's going to keep me updated.
00:43:23.000 Oh, that's great.
00:43:24.000 There you go.
00:43:25.000 Beautiful.
00:43:26.000 You can't do it yourself?
00:43:27.000 You've given up on the idea of doing it yourself?
00:43:30.000 I've done it myself at times.
00:43:31.000 But you know, my thing is, I have mostly sports things that come to my head.
00:43:36.000 People like that. 0.99
00:43:36.000 Bill Burr does sports shit all the time. 0.99
00:43:38.000 Does he? 1.00
00:43:38.000 And people get mad at him. 1.00
00:43:39.000 Oh, I'm going to unfollow you if you do one more sports quote. 1.00
00:43:42.000 Fuck you! 1.00
00:43:43.000 Really? 1.00
00:43:43.000 It fucking gets real mad at you. 1.00
00:43:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:43:45.000 You should do his show.
00:43:46.000 He's fun.
00:43:46.000 I would love to.
00:43:47.000 He just did mine the other day.
00:43:48.000 He's terrific, isn't he?
00:43:49.000 Yeah.
00:43:50.000 He's done this podcast.
00:43:51.000 He's done the Ice House Chronicles one.
00:43:53.000 You've got to do that sometimes, Dom.
00:43:55.000 That is the most fun.
00:43:56.000 He's done?
00:43:57.000 He's done Ice House Chronicles?
00:43:58.000 Did you, Dom?
00:43:59.000 I don't know.
00:43:59.000 Oh, you did it when I wasn't here.
00:44:00.000 Yeah.
00:44:01.000 Yeah, you did it when I wasn't here.
00:44:02.000 When all the boys are here?
00:44:03.000 Yeah, when everybody's hanging around.
00:44:04.000 I love that.
00:44:04.000 They're so much fun.
00:44:05.000 Yeah.
00:44:06.000 Not this Friday coming up, but next Friday.
00:44:10.000 Are you around, Brian?
00:44:12.000 I don't know.
00:44:13.000 Let's do the Ice House.
00:44:15.000 We do have one this Friday.
00:44:17.000 You have one this Friday?
00:44:17.000 Who's on this Friday?
00:44:19.000 I think it's going to be mostly the Bone Zone guys, but I haven't really put the complete show together.
00:44:25.000 I'll announce it next day or so.
00:44:27.000 Let's set one up for the 29th.
00:44:28.000 Don Barris is definitely doing it, though.
00:44:30.000 Powerful Don Barris.
00:44:32.000 We'll set one up for the 29th next Friday.
00:44:35.000 Alright, fella?
00:44:36.000 Alright, sexy face?
00:44:37.000 Make it happen?
00:44:39.000 I like that hat.
00:44:40.000 But, Dom, if you're ever around on a weekend, you've got to come and join us on one of these Ice House shows.
00:44:45.000 I love that stuff.
00:44:46.000 I love hanging out with everybody. 0.89
00:44:46.000 The crowds are fucking amazing. 0.89
00:44:49.000 It's all podcast fans now. 0.97
00:44:50.000 I was talking to Bob Fisher about when he was saying when you tell the people to come.
00:44:54.000 I said, I was here on a Wednesday night at midnight.
00:44:57.000 There's no club in the city that's packed on Wednesday night at midnight.
00:45:00.000 It was amazing.
00:45:00.000 It was sold out too.
00:45:01.000 And it was so fun.
00:45:03.000 The crowds are amazing.
00:45:04.000 And you've got some great fans.
00:45:06.000 Smart.
00:45:07.000 I'm saying they're smart because they laugh at us.
00:45:09.000 Well, we're super lucky.
00:45:11.000 I don't know.
00:45:11.000 We pulled it off somehow or another.
00:45:13.000 But it's by...
00:45:16.000 It's by what those guys in Ireland were saying.
00:45:19.000 It's by just telling people, you know, what's helped you.
00:45:23.000 Telling people what you're really into.
00:45:25.000 Stop pretending. 0.99
00:45:25.000 Everybody tell the goddamn truth. 0.99
00:45:27.000 My nephew's 20, and he's never been more excited about me being on anything since Hey Arnold, right, when he was a kid. 0.99
00:45:35.000 Because they don't really relate to, like, Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld and all.
00:45:39.000 They don't relate to any of those credits.
00:45:41.000 They love this.
00:45:42.000 They love like you with the tough, you know, AMA guy who's funny.
00:45:46.000 AMA. Ask me anything.
00:45:50.000 American Medical Association. 1.00
00:45:52.000 See how fucked up they are. 1.00
00:45:54.000 They gotta have a good act, Joe, huh? 1.00
00:45:56.000 Thank you for your therapy.
00:45:58.000 Well, that's awesome.
00:45:59.000 Well, if there's anything we could do to make this world a little bit better place is help the young men.
00:46:07.000 Help the young men that are coming up and give them some sort of fucking perspective that's different than the one they're getting every day, either at work or in school or in the media. 0.99
00:46:15.000 Getting this perspective that you have to be some asshole who doesn't exist. 1.00
00:46:19.000 Some guy who doesn't exist. 1.00
00:46:20.000 You have to fucking... 1.00
00:46:22.000 You have to abide by their silly laws of political correctness. 1.00
00:46:26.000 You can't tell the truth.
00:46:27.000 You can't be honest about what you like. 0.99
00:46:30.000 It's a fucking terrible place where people have to live in just this shitty state of despair all the time. 0.99
00:46:37.000 It's not necessary. 1.00
00:46:38.000 I like to watch two women. 1.00
00:46:40.000 Sometimes I get a little lazy.
00:46:41.000 Holla! 1.00
00:46:42.000 Do you like watching two women? 0.98
00:46:44.000 What, like a video?
00:46:45.000 That doesn't really do it for me.
00:46:47.000 No?
00:46:47.000 No.
00:46:48.000 I mean, I guess if they were right there in real life, I'd be like, wow, this is crazy to watch.
00:46:52.000 I've only seen it once in real life.
00:46:54.000 Well, I've seen it a couple times, but once that was like a video where they were actually making a video.
00:46:59.000 And it was like one of the most sexless things I've ever seen.
00:47:03.000 Oh, you saw them filming it.
00:47:05.000 Yeah, it was real weird.
00:47:08.000 One of the dudes who was a writer for news radio was a porno writer as well. 0.96
00:47:14.000 Oh yeah, porno writer. 0.98
00:47:16.000 I think you're going to score. 0.95
00:47:18.000 He dated a bunch of girls that were in the business.
00:47:22.000 This was a long time ago.
00:47:24.000 We're talking about like 95. 4, I guess.
00:47:28.000 Somewhere around then.
00:47:29.000 And he broke up with this girl.
00:47:32.000 Because they were out at dinner.
00:47:35.000 And this is when reality set in to him.
00:47:37.000 They were out at dinner.
00:47:38.000 And she was just really tired.
00:47:41.000 And she wasn't in.
00:47:41.000 And he was like, what's the matter?
00:47:42.000 Did I say something?
00:47:43.000 She's like, oh no. 0.99
00:47:44.000 I had to do anal with this guy all day. 0.99
00:47:47.000 And it's just, God. 0.99
00:47:49.000 Don't you hate that?
00:47:50.000 And all he could think of is like, what?
00:47:51.000 Can't wait till Friday.
00:47:53.000 How does that even fit in to the world that I'm living in? 1.00
00:47:56.000 How is it that the woman I love is taking dick in her ass all day at work? 1.00
00:48:02.000 I know. 1.00
00:48:02.000 Like, what? 1.00
00:48:03.000 Yeah, that's quite the job.
00:48:04.000 I remember we were at the Riviera.
00:48:06.000 Steve Sharippa was there.
00:48:08.000 And, you know, he didn't want to go up.
00:48:09.000 I mean, Steve is very faithful to his wife.
00:48:12.000 You know Steve, right?
00:48:13.000 Yeah, sure.
00:48:13.000 And he tells me, he says, you want to go up and watch them shoot porn or up in the penthouse?
00:48:17.000 I'll get you up there. 0.97
00:48:18.000 I said, yeah, I go in and this girl's peeing on this other girl. 1.00
00:48:21.000 I go, wow, this is romantic.
00:48:24.000 Where?
00:48:25.000 Are they in the tub or something?
00:48:26.000 Yeah.
00:48:26.000 And then that night, we went up there and me and Sophie, Sophie wanted to see it, my girlfriend, you know.
00:48:34.000 And the girls needed so much attention, but when they weren't getting attention, there's one girl who lays down on the piano, and she goes, you want to see my trick? 1.00
00:48:41.000 And she put a cigar holder, like a little capsule that they put cigars in, like a metal thing.
00:48:48.000 She put it inside of her, and she popped it out. 0.99
00:48:51.000 But she shot it so hard, it fucking hurt the girl's forehead. 1.00
00:48:55.000 She was like, she's standing there, and the girl goes, pew! 0.99
00:48:58.000 Can you imagine? 1.00
00:48:59.000 Oh, fuck! 1.00
00:49:00.000 Left a permanent mark. 1.00
00:49:02.000 Right.
00:49:02.000 What happened to you?
00:49:03.000 I don't want to talk about it. 1.00
00:49:06.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:49:08.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:49:09.000 Yeah.
00:49:10.000 But you're right about having the wife and, you know, a husband and wife and one of them does porn and the other doesn't and both of them do it.
00:49:16.000 That's weird.
00:49:17.000 It's weird.
00:49:18.000 So this dude took me to a set and these girls were doing it. 1.00
00:49:22.000 And it was Jill, Kelly, and Janine.
00:49:26.000 Sadly to say, I'm a fan.
00:49:29.000 They're both beautiful.
00:49:30.000 Janine is really her.
00:49:31.000 Yeah, and this was back in the day.
00:49:33.000 She only had, I don't know if she had any tattoos. 1.00
00:49:35.000 Maybe she had a couple, but now she's like fully sleeved and shit. 0.99
00:49:38.000 Oh yeah, I don't know. 0.92
00:49:39.000 Yeah, it's weird.
00:49:40.000 And they were just two girls like eating each other out. 1.00
00:49:43.000 I was like, this is just so strange.
00:49:46.000 Without the music and the whole.
00:49:47.000 The whole thing, watching the cameras, you know, circle them and seeing the lights and the guy with the boom mic.
00:49:54.000 And I was like, this is so odd.
00:49:56.000 It just seems so strange.
00:49:58.000 Has anybody got any gum?
00:49:59.000 It was just real, almost like clinical or something.
00:50:03.000 Yeah, of course. 1.00
00:50:04.000 It didn't seem like, you know, like if these are two girls and they were just sitting on the couch and all of a sudden one girl just started eating the girl's ass, he'd be like, whoa, what the fuck? 1.00
00:50:13.000 Fuck, like you'd be nervous. 1.00
00:50:15.000 Right, right. 1.00
00:50:15.000 You'd be like, what is happening here? 1.00
00:50:17.000 This is crazy.
00:50:18.000 But to watch it, like to go and like it's sort of orchestrated and action.
00:50:23.000 Okay, you know, I want two fingers now.
00:50:25.000 Okay, let's spit on it. 0.98
00:50:27.000 Spit on it. 1.00
00:50:28.000 Put your ass higher. 1.00
00:50:29.000 Raise your... 0.99
00:50:29.000 I was at the Magic Castle and a friend of mine and one of the dancers from the Cher tour came in who I knew years ago. 0.99
00:50:37.000 So I can just say that because there's so many of them.
00:50:40.000 And we go back to my house, and we're by the pool table, and Christy, you know, my old girlfriend comes out, and I shouldn't say her name.
00:50:49.000 Well, it doesn't matter.
00:50:49.000 It's not her last name.
00:50:50.000 I still love you. 0.60
00:50:52.000 And she has huge breasts, and she took her bra off and just had her T-shirt on. 1.00
00:50:57.000 They were sticking straight out, and the girl just casually walks over to her, lifts her thing, and starts sucking her tits. 1.00
00:51:03.000 Whoa! 1.00
00:51:03.000 And me and my friend, Ollie, we're just, like, there, like, holy shit. 1.00
00:51:08.000 And, you know, Russell Peters always does that joke about acting like he's going to jerk you off. 0.99
00:51:15.000 It's a joke.
00:51:16.000 He's like, hey, come here, let me take care of you today, tough guy.
00:51:18.000 And it was just so odd.
00:51:21.000 And it was sexy to a point, and then...
00:51:24.000 One of the girls wanted to go down, the other one, that's where I drew the line. 1.00
00:51:28.000 Imagine if there were as many, like, really openly bisexual men as there were openly bisexual girls.
00:51:34.000 Yeah, it's just different.
00:51:34.000 It's different.
00:51:35.000 Well, it's different because it's bullshit. 0.99
00:51:36.000 Because a lot of them aren't really bisexual. 0.99
00:51:38.000 Some of them are, for sure. 0.97
00:51:39.000 Are you calling them fakers? 0.94
00:51:41.000 I'm saying they're faking, Dom.
00:51:43.000 They're putting on an act for us.
00:51:44.000 Nah! 0.99
00:51:45.000 See?
00:51:45.000 Don't break my fantasy.
00:51:46.000 And there's no stigma attached to it.
00:51:48.000 No social stigma.
00:51:50.000 Some girls genuinely like girls, of course. 0.99
00:51:52.000 But there's a lot of fake lesbians out there. 1.00
00:51:54.000 We all know this. 0.99
00:51:55.000 I know the girls that are in the porn that are girls are all real.
00:51:59.000 Oh yeah.
00:52:00.000 A lot of them.
00:52:01.000 Yeah.
00:52:02.000 Not all those girls. 0.97
00:52:02.000 You can't say all those girls. 0.97
00:52:03.000 Most of them.
00:52:04.000 I mean, if they're not gay, they tell you. 0.99
00:52:06.000 Well, I'm not talking about girls that are, like, into hardcore sex, either. 0.99
00:52:09.000 I'm talking about girls, like, making out with girls at bars and shit like that, where they don't actually do anything more. 0.98
00:52:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.71
00:52:14.000 There's a lot of that going on, where they're doing it for attention. 0.71
00:52:16.000 Well, you ever hear of lugs?
00:52:18.000 Lugs?
00:52:19.000 Lugs.
00:52:19.000 It's a phrase in high school and college, the girls use.
00:52:24.000 It's lesbian until graduation. 0.93
00:52:26.000 No.
00:52:26.000 Yeah, like some girls just take...
00:52:28.000 That's new?
00:52:28.000 Well, I just...
00:52:29.000 One of my friend's daughters is a lug. 1.00
00:52:32.000 Really?
00:52:32.000 That's what she said.
00:52:33.000 She said she's only going to be a lesbian until she graduates. 0.94
00:52:36.000 Wow.
00:52:36.000 And then what happens?
00:52:37.000 She graduates to cock. 1.00
00:52:38.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:52:39.000 I don't know what happens.
00:52:40.000 I like how you said that.
00:52:41.000 You raised your eyebrows. 0.99
00:52:42.000 It's a cock. 0.99
00:52:43.000 No rules! 0.99
00:52:46.000 That's hilarious.
00:52:47.000 Yeah.
00:52:48.000 Wow. 0.98
00:52:49.000 Lesbian until... 1.00
00:52:49.000 I've heard gay for the stay for guys that go into prison. 1.00
00:52:53.000 Oh, really? 0.59
00:52:53.000 Yeah. 0.59
00:52:53.000 You never heard of that? 0.59
00:52:54.000 No.
00:52:54.000 They go gay while they're in prison only?
00:52:56.000 Just gay for the stay? 1.00
00:52:57.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:52:58.000 You never heard that, Brian?
00:52:59.000 No.
00:53:00.000 Well, you don't watch enough Mexican gang movies. 1.00
00:53:03.000 You don't watch enough Mexican gay porn. 1.00
00:53:06.000 Settle down. 1.00
00:53:07.000 I don't think that exists.
00:53:09.000 Does it?
00:53:09.000 Yes.
00:53:10.000 Yeah, you know because you're watching all the time.
00:53:12.000 Oh, it's a trap!
00:53:13.000 Oh, I tricked you.
00:53:15.000 I drew you into my less than obvious web.
00:53:18.000 My lair. 1.00
00:53:18.000 Your gay cave. 1.00
00:53:21.000 I caught you in a gay trap. 1.00
00:53:24.000 You fell on some gay spears. 1.00
00:53:28.000 Dominic Herrera! 0.99
00:53:29.000 Joseph, thank you for having me on, my brother.
00:53:30.000 It's always a pleasure, my friend.
00:53:32.000 We've got to do this more often.
00:53:33.000 Definitely.
00:53:33.000 We're back to playing pool at least once a month, it seems like.
00:53:36.000 I'm back after the 4th of July, after I did the Atlantic City gig.
00:53:40.000 I'll come back.
00:53:40.000 I'm taking a couple days there, and then I'll be here for at least a month.
00:53:43.000 Beautiful.
00:53:43.000 What are you doing this week?
00:53:45.000 What do you got going on this week?
00:53:46.000 This week I'm doing a thing for all the radio guys in Miami Beach, like all the disc jockeys.
00:53:53.000 It's called Boot Camp for all the morning hosts.
00:53:57.000 Oh, yeah?
00:53:58.000 That'll be fun.
00:53:59.000 What is it?
00:54:00.000 What do you do?
00:54:00.000 I just do stand-up.
00:54:01.000 Is it like a show?
00:54:03.000 Well, I'm the show.
00:54:04.000 I'm just giving them a break from all the...
00:54:06.000 It's like a convention.
00:54:07.000 Oh, I see, I see.
00:54:09.000 And then they hire comedians to come and perform at the convention.
00:54:11.000 Oh, I didn't even know that disc jockeys have conventions like that? 0.58
00:54:14.000 Yeah, I didn't know either.
00:54:15.000 I mean, I'd heard about it, but I never saw it. 0.99
00:54:17.000 Why don't we have a fucking convention? 0.99
00:54:19.000 Why not? 1.00
00:54:19.000 We should have a fucking convention. 1.00
00:54:21.000 We need a Death Squad celebration. 1.00
00:54:23.000 Well, that's what Montreal is like. 0.88
00:54:25.000 Well, the Death Squad would be fun.
00:54:27.000 I'd love hanging out with those guys.
00:54:28.000 Yeah, Montreal, that's one place.
00:54:31.000 That's a legit celebration and gathering of comedians.
00:54:34.000 But after a while, I stopped doing it because it was like it would kind of cost you money.
00:54:41.000 If I spend like a week and a half in a place, I can't spend that much time away.
00:54:46.000 You created your own niche.
00:54:48.000 You're smart.
00:54:50.000 That's why I'm surprised you're going to Brazil.
00:54:52.000 Well, I like working for the UFC too.
00:54:56.000 I think you've got to do more than one thing in life.
00:54:59.000 I'm not happy when I'm doing only one thing.
00:55:01.000 I agree.
00:55:02.000 I told you I'm doing Raging Bull 2 next week.
00:55:06.000 I've got a one-day shoot.
00:55:07.000 I'm playing Joey Lewis.
00:55:08.000 Raging Bull 2. First of all, I guess Jake LaMotta must have all the rights to his own life.
00:55:17.000 I don't know how they could do it.
00:55:20.000 I think it's under his auspices.
00:55:23.000 It doesn't seem like Raging Bull to me without De Niro and Scorsese, but I heard the script was really good.
00:55:29.000 Who's doing it?
00:55:30.000 Who's directing it?
00:55:31.000 Zac Efron is...
00:55:32.000 Jason Bieber as...
00:55:37.000 Spencer Pratt as...
00:55:40.000 Did you look it up?
00:55:41.000 Who's in it?
00:55:41.000 Oh, I don't know.
00:55:43.000 I think it's on...
00:55:44.000 Isn't that funny, though?
00:55:46.000 One day at the Tropicana, one day, Raging Bull 2. Yeah, so this Raging Bull 2, what's the premise?
00:55:53.000 Is it his later life?
00:55:55.000 After boxing?
00:55:56.000 Who plays him?
00:55:58.000 I think Joe Bologna.
00:56:00.000 It looks like it's...
00:56:01.000 There's a guy named Joe Bologna.
00:56:03.000 You never heard of Joe Bologna?
00:56:04.000 Don't say it like that.
00:56:06.000 William Forrest.
00:56:08.000 Bologna.
00:56:10.000 Bologna is like, we call it Bologna.
00:56:12.000 But Italy has a city. 1.00
00:56:15.000 I know that Italy has a city, but that city can go fuck itself. 1.00
00:56:18.000 That's Bologna. 1.00
00:56:19.000 Hey, take it easy, Joe.
00:56:21.000 Who's William Forsyth?
00:56:23.000 Joe Montagna.
00:56:24.000 Joe Montagna.
00:56:26.000 Oh, Joe Montagna, the actor?
00:56:28.000 Oh, he's a good actor.
00:56:29.000 The famous actor?
00:56:30.000 He's a great actor.
00:56:31.000 Paul Sorvino's in it?
00:56:32.000 Oh, this is like a legit cast.
00:56:35.000 Natasha Hendricks?
00:56:36.000 She's the chick from Species. 0.91
00:56:37.000 It wasn't legit when I was just in it.
00:56:39.000 No, it wasn't.
00:56:40.000 No, it took away credibility.
00:56:42.000 I had Penelope Ann Miller.
00:56:44.000 Okay, that is a very legit cast.
00:56:46.000 There's a lot of people.
00:56:47.000 I'm trying to scroll.
00:56:48.000 Am I listed?
00:56:49.000 Does it say Dama Rare in there?
00:56:51.000 No. 1.00
00:56:52.000 What kind of bullshit is this, Dom? 1.00
00:56:53.000 I think it does. 1.00
00:56:54.000 It better be goddamn listed. 0.97
00:56:55.000 They did last week. 0.98
00:56:55.000 Maybe they took me out. 0.98
00:56:56.000 They don't want a death squad boycott.
00:56:58.000 You'll be listed.
00:56:59.000 Oh, man.
00:57:00.000 Dom Herrera.
00:57:01.000 Yeah, see?
00:57:02.000 That's my Tommy voice.
00:57:04.000 Yeah, you're still listed.
00:57:05.000 I'm listed.
00:57:06.000 And you're also listed right before that for Pound Puppies, which is cute. 0.53
00:57:10.000 Pound Puppies?
00:57:12.000 Am I really?
00:57:13.000 Are you serious?
00:57:14.000 Dom, you were on Pound Puppies?
00:57:16.000 Yo, I don't want to talk about it.
00:57:17.000 I don't want to ruin my Tang Guy image.
00:57:22.000 I was a beautiful dog from Pound Puppies.
00:57:25.000 I think...
00:57:26.000 You were the fraud princess. 0.83
00:57:30.000 Yeah.
00:57:30.000 Or you were your princess.
00:57:31.000 I was so beautiful, I thought I was a girl.
00:57:33.000 But I was really a tough guy looking for a little...
00:57:35.000 Bada boom. 1.00
00:57:37.000 Who was my father in that?
00:57:39.000 Or my owner?
00:57:40.000 I don't know.
00:57:41.000 Ted, like some famous actor that used to be on that.
00:57:44.000 Where are you?
00:57:44.000 Which one are you, Doc?
00:57:45.000 I can't tell by looking.
00:57:47.000 I think I'm the one with the...
00:57:49.000 Let's get some volume on this.
00:57:51.000 I never heard it.
00:57:52.000 Pound puppies.
00:57:53.000 Homeward pound.
00:57:54.000 Now go dogs, go!
00:57:56.000 Well, I'll be a Malamute's uncle. 0.99
00:57:59.000 Bonus features include a lesson on how to draw lucky.
00:58:03.000 I'm not necessarily in this one. 0.99
00:58:03.000 Have some fun with Holy shit. 0.99
00:58:07.000 Hey, Joe, you got to make a living, all right? 1.00
00:58:08.000 That looks like it's designed to rob children of their brain cells. 0.99
00:58:13.000 It sucks your brain out.
00:58:15.000 When did you do that one? 0.99
00:58:17.000 Last year.
00:58:19.000 I played a few dogs in a few movies.
00:58:21.000 I don't want to brag.
00:58:22.000 I was in...
00:58:23.000 What was the book?
00:58:24.000 Buck at the Barnyard you were in.
00:58:25.000 What was Kevin James?
00:58:26.000 You were Duke the Dog.
00:58:26.000 I was Duke the Dog.
00:58:27.000 Yeah.
00:58:28.000 And you also were in...
00:58:29.000 Never Age, Joe.
00:58:30.000 Cartoons is the way to go.
00:58:32.000 Cartoons is a great gig.
00:58:33.000 Animation.
00:58:33.000 If you could be like a voice of the symptoms, like Harry Shearer.
00:58:36.000 Oh, yeah.
00:58:36.000 I mean, Harry Shearer's rolling.
00:58:38.000 He's been doing that forever.
00:58:40.000 You were on Dr. Katz a lot.
00:58:42.000 Yeah, I was on the most.
00:58:44.000 I love that show.
00:58:45.000 I love that guy.
00:58:46.000 Yeah, John Katz.
00:58:47.000 He's a hilarious comic.
00:58:48.000 And what was the other one...
00:58:50.000 Hey Arnold, I mentioned that earlier.
00:58:52.000 Yeah, what was Hey Arnold again?
00:58:53.000 Hey Arnold was great.
00:58:53.000 He was a kid with the football head.
00:58:55.000 Remember that?
00:58:56.000 He had like a football head and he lived in a boarding house.
00:59:00.000 He didn't have parents, but his grandparents and all the people loved him and took care of him.
00:59:05.000 And I was Ernie Potts, demolition guy.
00:59:08.000 I'll level it today.
00:59:10.000 He wanted to level everything.
00:59:11.000 That's Hey Arnold.
00:59:12.000 He's like Stewie, but grown up.
00:59:15.000 You like doing, like, little kid shows and cartoon voices and stuff?
00:59:18.000 It's fun, right?
00:59:19.000 It's been such a great contrast for my lives in nightclubs, you know?
00:59:22.000 Right, right, right.
00:59:24.000 It's fun.
00:59:24.000 Yeah, I got to read a kid's book once.
00:59:26.000 You'd be great at it, man.
00:59:26.000 You'd do a lot of voices.
00:59:27.000 Yeah, I could do some fake voices.
00:59:30.000 They're real, Joe.
00:59:31.000 Okay.
00:59:32.000 I'd do them, they're real. 0.97
00:59:33.000 You know, some kid, she was so dumb, she goes, I was Duke the dog, and I was in my DUI class. 0.91
00:59:38.000 I took my, one of my teachers, his kid loved barnyards, so I took a picture of Duke and signed it for her. 0.97
00:59:47.000 She goes, you don't look like Duke. 1.00
00:59:49.000 I'm thinking, you fucking idiot. 1.00
00:59:51.000 It's a cartoon. 1.00
00:59:53.000 How old was the kid?
00:59:54.000 She was like eight or nine. 1.00
00:59:56.000 It's You called the 8 or 9 year old a fucking idiot. 1.00
01:00:00.000 She was. 1.00
01:00:02.000 She was a cute kid but my god. 0.99
01:00:05.000 Can't you tell it's animated?
01:00:06.000 And on that note, Dom Irira.
01:00:09.000 Thank you very much.
01:00:09.000 Thank you for stopping by.
01:00:11.000 It's always a pleasure, Dom.
01:00:12.000 You're one of the funniest comics of all time and I'm proud to call you a friend.
01:00:16.000 Love you, Rogan.
01:00:18.000 Powerful Dom Herrera can be found on Twitter.
01:00:21.000 It's two R's in the beginning. 0.99
01:00:23.000 Dom Herrera.
01:00:26.000 Right?
01:00:26.000 Two in the beginning?
01:00:27.000 I-R-R-E-R-A. I-R-R-E-R-A. Don't fuck that up.
01:00:32.000 I-R-R-E-R-A. Follow him on Twitter. 0.99
01:00:35.000 I promise he will use it as well as this young relative.
01:00:38.000 It will get Dom Herrera to post photos.
01:00:41.000 Perhaps an account with Instagram.
01:00:45.000 Brian, can we make this happen?
01:00:47.000 Nah.
01:00:48.000 Nah. 1.00
01:00:48.000 What the fuck are you saying, son? 1.00
01:00:50.000 It's not that early! 1.00
01:00:52.000 Instagram can eat my dick. 1.00
01:00:54.000 Brian says Instagram can eat his dick. 1.00
01:00:57.000 You hear that, Instagram? 1.00
01:00:58.000 I say you reach out to Brian.
01:00:59.000 Especially since they're owned by Facebook now.
01:01:01.000 I like Facebook.
01:01:03.000 What, you hate Facebook?
01:01:04.000 Facebook's lame now. 0.96
01:01:04.000 Don't be rude. 0.96
01:01:05.000 Don't be mean. 0.53
01:01:07.000 Facebook's lame.
01:01:08.000 This was live?
01:01:09.000 This was live.
01:01:09.000 I didn't know that.
01:01:10.000 This motherfucker and Facebook. 1.00
01:01:11.000 There's nothing wrong with Facebook, son. 1.00
01:01:12.000 Facebook's boring.
01:01:13.000 Don't be a hater.
01:01:15.000 MySpace isn't even boring.
01:01:16.000 How about that?
01:01:17.000 Brian, you're a good kid.
01:01:19.000 Get it together.
01:01:20.000 So you haven't felt that lately you don't like Facebook as much?
01:01:24.000 Oh, quite honestly.
01:01:25.000 It's already turning into MySpace for me.
01:01:27.000 I don't even like going to it.
01:01:28.000 No, quite honestly, I barely use it.
01:01:30.000 I use it a little bit for gigs, and I'll answer the occasional email.
01:01:33.000 Don't worry about it!
01:01:34.000 Love ya!
01:01:35.000 Thanks to the Fleshlight.
01:01:36.000 Go to JoeRogin.net, click on the link, enter in the code name ROGIN, save yourself 10%.
01:01:40.000 Thanks to OnIt.com.
01:01:42.000 Oh, did I say 10?
01:01:42.000 Yeah.
01:01:43.000 No, 10 is the next one.
01:01:44.000 I should do these in order.
01:01:45.000 They should both be 15. They should be 15, goddammit. 0.77
01:01:48.000 We'll get on that. 0.82
01:01:49.000 Oh, we'll get on it.
01:01:50.000 Get on it.
01:01:51.000 That's a lot to give people every week.
01:01:53.000 Just raise it $5.
01:01:54.000 I think Fleshlight's only good once.
01:01:56.000 Just raise it 5%. 1.00
01:01:56.000 You can't be like some pervert trying to save 15% off every week, jacking off into fake pussies. 1.00
01:02:02.000 That's the end. 1.00
01:02:03.000 Show's over.
01:02:04.000 Onnit.com, codename Rogan, 10% off there.
01:02:07.000 Get some kettlebells, son. 1.00
01:02:08.000 Stack on some fucking meat, son. 1.00
01:02:11.000 Get yourself some farmer strength. 1.00
01:02:13.000 Alright, you dirty bitches. 1.00
01:02:14.000 We'll see you next week. 1.00
01:02:15.000 We've got a lot of people next week.
01:02:17.000 We're still trying to get in touch with Josh Barnett, but we've got Giorgio Tsoukalos next week, Jim Norton next week, and...
01:02:23.000 What?
01:02:23.000 Jim Norton?
01:02:24.000 Yes, powerful Jim Norton on the 27th.
01:02:26.000 Sweet.
01:02:26.000 And then on Friday, we've got Adam Skorgy, who is the writer, director, producer of the movie The Union, that cannabis documentary that I was in many years back.
01:02:34.000 Holla at your boy! 1.00
01:02:35.000 See you dirty bitches next week. 1.00
01:02:37.000 Big kiss! 1.00
01:02:37.000 Love y'all! 1.00