The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #237 - Tommy Chong

00:00:01.000 Meow. 1.00

00:00:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:00:06.000 Meow. 1.00

00:00:07.000 Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:08.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast.

00:00:09.000 Oh, just to tell you how we do this.

00:00:11.000 We do these two little commercials before we actually do the podcast, but they're very informal, and you can jump in at any time.

00:00:19.000 So if you've got something to say, don't hold your time.

00:00:21.000 I don't hear them.

00:00:22.000 Do you hear me yet?

00:00:24.000 No.

00:00:25.000 No, I don't hear him on a microphone, do you?

00:00:26.000 Can you hear me now?

00:00:27.000 Yes, there we go.

00:00:28.000 Ladies and gentlemen, that is the voice of the great Tommy Chong.

00:00:30.000 The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:33.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter the code name ROGAN, you will save yourself 15% off.

00:00:39.000 One of the most ridiculous things you could ever bring up in a conversation. 0.73

00:00:43.000 But, an excellent sex tool. 1.00

00:00:45.000 An excellent masturbation device and the number one sex toy for men. 0.99

00:00:49.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. 0.99

00:00:50.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of such delicious supplements as Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Sport, and Shroom Tech Immune.

00:01:00.000 Alpha Brain being my favorite and the most controversial.

00:01:04.000 What it is is a nootropic.

00:01:06.000 If you're interested in any of these things, I suggest you Google it first.

00:01:09.000 First and foremost, find out what they are.

00:01:11.000 They're essentially vitamins that enhance your brain's ability to function, enhances your brain's ability to produce neurotransmitters.

00:01:20.000 And it makes your brain operate more smoothly.

00:01:23.000 There have been a bunch of different tests on various nootropics.

00:01:27.000 We are working on doing a clinical trial, I guess they call it a double-blind placebo clinical trial with AlphaBrain.

00:01:36.000 As soon as we're set on our formula, and we should be doing that shortly.

00:01:41.000 And what it does is, what any of these things do, is they just enhance your body's health and function.

00:01:47.000 And we know that all these various nutrients have been very effective on helping people.

00:01:52.000 People with Alzheimer's, for instance, have taken some of these nutrients and shown improvement on them.

00:01:57.000 It just stands to reason that they're vitamins and nutrients that aid your body's function, and if you take them, it'll work better.

00:02:04.000 And that's what these are all about.

00:02:05.000 If you're interested at all, please go to Onnit.com and check it out.

00:02:08.000 We also just recently got in the kettlebells.

00:02:11.000 And I've talked about this in the podcast before.

00:02:13.000 If there's the one workout that I could do for the rest of my life, it would be kettlebells. 0.95

00:02:18.000 Because I think it's an awesome workout that translates directly into your life, into your ability to move shit, your ability to use your body. 0.95

00:02:28.000 It's a health exercise. 0.98

00:02:30.000 You know, because like a lot of bodybuilding type shit, like when you start doing bench presses and curls and stuff, I mean, it can make you look great and get big ass arms. 0.98

00:02:38.000 But the reality is your body doesn't really work like that. 0.96

00:02:41.000 You're not supposed to like isolate things.

00:02:43.000 I mean, you can if you want them to get bigger, but the best thing to do for athletic performance is to use your body as a whole.

00:02:49.000 That's why when you ever see like MMA fighters training on television, very rarely will you see them do isolation exercises.

00:02:56.000 Usually it's throwing sandbags or hitting Sledgehammers into car tires or, you know, it's climbing ropes, it's throwing ropes around, doing battle ropes, doing kettlebells, doing like Olympic clean and jerks.

00:03:11.000 It's all about using your whole body.

00:03:13.000 If you see like an Olympic clean press, like that guy's using everything, man.

00:03:18.000 He's using his legs, his arms, his back, his straps.

00:03:22.000 I mean, it's an incredible full-body movement.

00:03:25.000 And full-body movements are the ones that really get your body stronger for, like, functional things.

00:03:31.000 Like, for me, it's jujitsu.

00:03:32.000 For some people, it's, you know, anything that you like doing where physical strength comes into play, kettlebells will enhance that.

00:03:39.000 It just makes your body stronger.

00:03:40.000 It's awesome.

00:03:41.000 And you can get a good workout in 20 minutes.

00:03:43.000 We have some instructionals that are available at Onnit.com, but there's a million different videos on the internet.

00:03:50.000 All of Steve Maxwell's stuff is outstanding.

00:03:53.000 He is probably one of the best guys in the world when it comes to kettlebell training.

00:03:58.000 And he has a bunch of DVDs that are for sale, and he's a great guy, too.

00:04:02.000 So if you bought those DVDs and helped him out, it would be awesome, because he is the best in the business.

00:04:07.000 And there's videos online.

00:04:08.000 You can watch YouTube videos.

00:04:09.000 He's got demonstrations online you can do.

00:04:11.000 There's plenty of workouts that you can formulate together.

00:04:14.000 And you really don't need to go to a gym.

00:04:15.000 We also sell these battle ropes.

00:04:17.000 And those are those crazy things that you see Brock Lesnar flopping around.

00:04:21.000 And some of those workout things where he's preparing for fights.

00:04:25.000 And an incredibly hard workout.

00:04:27.000 Where he used to prepare for fights.

00:04:28.000 Yeah, used to.

00:04:30.000 I wonder if he trains like that now.

00:04:31.000 Oh yeah, I'm sure he does.

00:04:33.000 You think?

00:04:33.000 Yeah, I don't think he's stopping.

00:04:35.000 I don't think he's done.

00:04:35.000 I think he'll be back.

00:04:37.000 Not like basketball players.

00:04:38.000 I think he needed to heal up.

00:04:40.000 He needed to heal up.

00:04:41.000 I have a feeling he'll be back. 0.92

00:04:43.000 Yeah, he's too fucking good, too big, too much potential. 0.81

00:04:47.000 He could still do it, but you know what, man? 0.81

00:04:50.000 He could still get over that.

00:04:51.000 Getting kicked like that, that would quit me for two lifetimes.

00:04:55.000 Well, everybody's got a different path in this life.

00:04:57.000 I guess. 0.99

00:04:58.000 Anyway, go check all that shit at Onnit.com. 0.97

00:05:01.000 For the supplements only, use the code name ROGAN and you will save yourself 10% off. 0.98

00:05:05.000 The battle ropes and the kettlebells, seriously, are about as cheap as you can sell them. 0.97

00:05:09.000 It's very difficult to make and ship and hire people to move these fucking things around. 0.98

00:05:14.000 They're essentially sending cannonballs through the mail. 0.96

00:05:17.000 But for the supplements, you can use the code name ROGAN and you save yourself 10% off.

00:05:21.000 Also, in the supplements, any first bottle of 30 pills, there's a 100% money back guarantee.

00:05:25.000 You don't even need to return the product. 0.99

00:05:27.000 You just say, this stuff sucks. 0.88

00:05:28.000 This stuff didn't work for me. 0.97

00:05:29.000 I didn't feel it.

00:05:30.000 That's all you need to say.

00:05:31.000 You get your money back.

00:05:32.000 We're way more concerned with not having people feel ripped off than we are with making money.

00:05:37.000 And on top of that, like I said, I use them.

00:05:39.000 I benefit from them.

00:05:40.000 I know. 1.00

00:05:41.000 Lorenzo Fatida loves fucking Alpha Brain. 0.99

00:05:43.000 This stuff is spectacular. 0.99

00:05:45.000 I really enjoy it.

00:05:46.000 And we're so confident that you're going to enjoy it too that we offer 100% money back guarantee.

00:05:52.000 Alright, go to onnit.com.

00:05:53.000 O-N-N-I-T. That's it. 1.00

00:05:54.000 The great Tommy Chong is here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:05:56.000 Yeah.

00:05:57.000 Oh, thanks to Alienware for sponsoring MMA fighters too.

00:06:00.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:06:02.000 Train by day.

00:06:03.000 Joe Rogan podcast by night.

00:06:05.000 All day.

00:06:10.000 We just started using these laptops, Tommy Chong, with this alien logo.

00:06:13.000 I'm like a child.

00:06:14.000 I like little alien heads.

00:06:16.000 Do you like little stuff?

00:06:17.000 Yeah, I don't know if that's like a stoner thing.

00:06:20.000 What is that?

00:06:21.000 I should be over like little alien heads. 0.64

00:06:23.000 Nah, it's an overgrown kid thing.

00:06:26.000 Thank you very much for coming on this show, man.

00:06:28.000 To me, this is huge.

00:06:29.000 When I was a kid, my parents introduced me to Cheech and Chong movies and Cheech and Chong albums when I was a little kid, man.

00:06:38.000 My parents were hippies, especially my stepdad.

00:06:40.000 My stepdad was a huge hippie. 1.00

00:06:42.000 And he loved your shit, man. 1.00

00:06:44.000 And so for me to... 1.00

00:06:46.000 Is he still around?

00:06:47.000 Yes.

00:06:47.000 Yeah, he is.

00:06:48.000 How's he doing?

00:06:48.000 He's doing great.

00:06:49.000 Does he ever come to the fights in that?

00:06:51.000 No, he's never.

00:06:51.000 I think they've come to one.

00:06:53.000 He's not really into that.

00:06:54.000 No, he's a real hippie.

00:06:56.000 Peaceful guy.

00:06:57.000 Yeah.

00:06:57.000 I think he always felt it was really weird that I was obsessed with martial arts when I was a kid.

00:07:01.000 I don't think he really liked it that much.

00:07:03.000 But he loved you, man.

00:07:04.000 Everyone's different.

00:07:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:06.000 Everyone's different.

00:07:07.000 Yeah, maybe that's why I pushed the other way.

00:07:10.000 You know who really gets pissed off at the kettlebells?

00:07:13.000 The delivery man.

00:07:15.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:07:16.000 It's fucking hard. 0.95

00:07:17.000 The people at the UPS store, they look at me when I get them in the mail like, what? 0.99

00:07:20.000 Fucking really? 0.98

00:07:21.000 I didn't sign up to work out. 0.99

00:07:23.000 There's little girls that work there, and I'm so sorry. 0.98

00:07:25.000 And, you know, these things are 70 fucking pounds. 0.97

00:07:29.000 They go from, what, 20 to 80 or... 0.99

00:07:33.000 Oh, they give you a heavier.

00:07:35.000 There's dudes out there that use 120-pounders. 0.94

00:07:37.000 Yeah, I've seen them.

00:07:37.000 I trained at a place where they use kettlebells.

00:07:40.000 There's this dude, his name is Mike Mahler, and he's all vegan, too, which is kind of cool that he's able to put on this much mass and be all vegan.

00:07:48.000 It's all muscle, though. 0.79

00:07:49.000 Oh, he's an animal.

00:07:49.000 And he's got some of the best DVDs when it comes to really heavy weight exercises.

00:07:57.000 He throws around some heavy fucking kettlebells. 0.92

00:08:00.000 You see him doing these crazy exercises with like 125s. 1.00

00:08:04.000 That's really hard to do, these things.

00:08:06.000 If you've never seen it before, folks, it's almost like you're kind of doing gymnastics, almost.

00:08:11.000 It's like you're doing different exercises.

00:08:14.000 A kettlebell is a ball, like a cannonball, with a handle.

00:08:19.000 Yeah.

00:08:20.000 That's all it is.

00:08:21.000 It probably was.

00:08:22.000 That's probably where they got it.

00:08:23.000 I'm sure, yeah.

00:08:23.000 Probably a handle.

00:08:25.000 And they used them right at the turn of the century.

00:08:29.000 Sandow, the strongest man in the world, he always posed with his kettlebells.

00:08:33.000 Oh, yeah?

00:08:33.000 Yeah.

00:08:34.000 And it's funny how the whole bodybuilding thing went full circle.

00:08:38.000 It started out...

00:08:40.000 Back in the Greek days, they used animals to work out with. 1.00

00:08:46.000 They'd pick up a calf until it became a cow. 0.99

00:08:50.000 Really?

00:08:50.000 Yeah, that's how they trained.

00:08:53.000 How do you think anybody figured out that working hard, who was the first guy that figured out working hard makes you bigger?

00:08:59.000 Well, it goes back to the cavemen.

00:09:01.000 They figured that out? 0.99

00:09:02.000 You think, like, cavemen did, like, push-ups and shit? 0.99

00:09:04.000 Oh, no, no, no. 0.99

00:09:05.000 They did. 0.98

00:09:06.000 Push-ups meant, you know, like, pushing an animal away from them or running their ass off.

00:09:12.000 No, it's fight or flight.

00:09:13.000 You know, the humans were, we were prey when we were first on this earth.

00:09:20.000 We've always been prey, so it's always been either we fight or we run. 0.96

00:09:24.000 Until we figured out cities, and goddamn did we get ahead of the game. 0.93

00:09:28.000 The city? 0.98

00:09:28.000 The city. 0.98

00:09:29.000 As soon as we figured out cities.

00:09:30.000 Yeah, well, you know, as soon as we figured out agriculture.

00:09:33.000 It was agriculture first.

00:09:35.000 Before that it was like tribes of people going around, you know, seeing who had what.

00:09:40.000 What's really crazy is that's kind of in dispute now.

00:09:42.000 There's a bunch of different scientists now that are pointing to all these different sites that they've located where they're saying like it's real possible that like people were hunter and gatherers like way longer ago than we think.

00:09:57.000 Sure.

00:09:58.000 Absolutely.

00:09:58.000 And that there were cities and civilizations.

00:10:00.000 In between.

00:10:00.000 Yeah.

00:10:01.000 In between before.

00:10:02.000 Like many.

00:10:02.000 10, 15,000 years ago.

00:10:03.000 And it probably went back.

00:10:05.000 It probably went back to it.

00:10:07.000 Yeah.

00:10:08.000 They found recently some new spot that's underwater that's 8,500 years old.

00:10:14.000 Like Atlantis?

00:10:15.000 Well, it's just a village.

00:10:17.000 Yeah.

00:10:17.000 It's a village that was underwater.

00:10:19.000 And they say that the Earth's... 0.98

00:10:21.000 Sea levels have changed so much that there's probably a bunch of shit, like cities everywhere that's just underwater. 0.88

00:10:29.000 We have a weird view of the past. 0.94

00:10:32.000 It's so piecemeal.

00:10:35.000 It's almost like there's too much stuff to know.

00:10:38.000 Most people don't even want to know.

00:10:41.000 Yeah.

00:10:41.000 I get into some of this conversation and especially my wife, her eyes will glaze over.

00:10:47.000 Yeah, a lot of people don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:10:49.000 And they'll start looking for something, oh, excuse me for a minute, and then they leave. 0.99

00:10:54.000 But it all interests me though.

00:10:57.000 I mean, I'm really, like when I was in Paris a few years ago and I went to a museum of Beyond antiquities, where they had the cave drawings, and they had tools made by these so-called cavemen.

00:11:13.000 Well, the tools they made were made out of this rock that's like glass, you know?

00:11:19.000 I forget what it's called.

00:11:20.000 But anyway, you could do major surgeries with them.

00:11:24.000 They could get them so sharp.

00:11:26.000 And the way they formed them, it wasn't, you know, alley-oop time or, you know, You know, that typical Flintstone image, you know.

00:11:38.000 These tools were phenomenal.

00:11:41.000 You could put them today and say, I had these tools made, especially by this named artist, and everybody would go, yeah, I believe that.

00:11:50.000 Wow, and how old are they?

00:11:52.000 Oh, I don't know, a million years?

00:11:57.000 A million years?

00:11:57.000 I mean, it really goes back.

00:11:59.000 I didn't think there were even humans a million years ago.

00:12:02.000 I mean, how far back are they saying that there were humans?

00:12:04.000 I'm lousy with...

00:12:05.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:05.000 So it was just a long time ago.

00:12:07.000 We don't have to say a million.

00:12:08.000 Let's just say...

00:12:08.000 Right back to the beginning.

00:12:11.000 Well, of what they found.

00:12:13.000 What they found, they found the rock that they would sharpen the spears with.

00:12:18.000 They were actually long spear tips, but they would get so sharp because they were made of some kind of rock glass thing.

00:12:25.000 Yeah, I know.

00:12:26.000 I've seen it.

00:12:27.000 I don't know what it's called.

00:12:28.000 I don't remember.

00:12:29.000 But yeah, it's beautiful.

00:12:30.000 They would chip them and they would get them like literally razor sharp.

00:12:34.000 Razor sharp and that's how they killed the bigger animals.

00:12:38.000 What a weird thing of nature though. 1.00

00:12:40.000 I mean somewhere along the line we must have been strong enough to kill shit. 0.99

00:12:44.000 Or did we just get stronger when we started eating things and were we vegetarians before that? 0.99

00:12:50.000 Well, they found skulls of people, ancient people, and you can see the ones that were eating, you know, with the big jaw bones and the big...

00:12:59.000 They're meat eaters, basically. 0.96

00:13:02.000 It is weird that there are meat eaters and vegetarians.

00:13:06.000 It is a weird thing about life.

00:13:08.000 Like, things like deer and cows, it's kind of weird that they don't eat meat.

00:13:12.000 Like, you could just walk right by them, you don't ever have to worry about that.

00:13:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:16.000 But if they were meat eaters, you'd be fucked. 1.00

00:13:18.000 You would be fucked if a cow was a meat eater. 1.00

00:13:21.000 Could you imagine if a cow was trying to eat you? 1.00

00:13:23.000 Cows are fucking huge. 1.00

00:13:25.000 If cows had like big hippo mouths and they were just looking to eat people, we would have a real fucking problem with cows. 1.00

00:13:32.000 It's weird how there's animals that eat animals and then there's animals that don't do any animals any harm and you could basically just fuck them up. 1.00

00:13:39.000 And then the ones closest to humans are the ones that are really fucked up. 0.99

00:13:43.000 The chimps. 1.00

00:13:44.000 Yeah.

00:13:45.000 Because they're both.

00:13:46.000 They'll eat meat and they'll eat vegetables.

00:13:48.000 They'll eat whatever is there to eat.

00:13:51.000 But they'll find another chimp and he looks hungry. 1.00

00:13:55.000 He looks good. 1.00

00:13:56.000 Let's tear his ass apart. 1.00

00:13:57.000 Yeah, they could do cannibalism. 1.00

00:13:59.000 I believe it. 0.99

00:14:00.000 Chimps scare the shit out of me, man. 1.00

00:14:02.000 Yeah. 0.91

00:14:03.000 Did you hear about that kid, that guy?

00:14:05.000 Yeah.

00:14:05.000 Nailed it.

00:14:06.000 Well, he was attacked.

00:14:07.000 Apparently that sanctuary is for reintroducing chimps to the wild. 0.98

00:14:11.000 They take chimps that were kidnapped and forced to work in zoos and for pets and shit like that. 0.95

00:14:17.000 And experimented on it. 0.97

00:14:18.000 Yeah.

00:14:18.000 I mean, essentially all chimps are kidnapped.

00:14:20.000 If we admit that chimps are intelligent, right?

00:14:23.000 They are.

00:14:24.000 We know they're intelligent.

00:14:26.000 They're almost people, and yet we're just allowed to kidnap them. 1.00

00:14:30.000 And test shit on them. 0.99

00:14:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:14:33.000 Let's see what happens to them if you do this to them.

00:14:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:36.000 It's kind of fucked when you really think about it. 0.99

00:14:38.000 I guess that's why they get pissed off when they get a chance. 1.00

00:14:40.000 Yeah, that's a ruthless way of finding out shit. 0.99

00:14:44.000 You've got to go, wow, is that the only way? 0.99

00:14:46.000 Well, like the circus people.

00:14:47.000 Yeah.

00:14:47.000 Ever be around circus people?

00:14:50.000 Like lion tamers?

00:14:51.000 I met a lion tamer in Spain, I guess it was. 1.00

00:14:56.000 What a cocky bitch. 1.00

00:14:57.000 No, it was a guy. 1.00

00:14:58.000 Him?

00:14:59.000 It was a guy. 1.00

00:15:00.000 What a cocky bitch. 1.00

00:15:01.000 You could tell... 1.00

00:15:03.000 That was a generational thing.

00:15:05.000 You could tell who the lion tamer was.

00:15:08.000 There's a crowd of people.

00:15:09.000 You look at the guy with the big claw marks across his face.

00:15:12.000 Whoa, no way!

00:15:14.000 Big claw marks right across his face.

00:15:16.000 Woo! 0.99

00:15:17.000 That must be fucking terrifying. 0.99

00:15:19.000 And you can see the lions. 0.99

00:15:21.000 Because the most exciting part about the circus was watching them unload and load the animals.

00:15:27.000 How does he control these big cats?

00:15:30.000 Well, that's part of the gig, you know.

00:15:33.000 Just when you think you can trust them, you turn their back and...

00:15:37.000 How many Siegfried and Roy's have to happen before people wake the fuck up?

00:15:41.000 And everybody was like, oh, the tiger was frightened by a feather in the crowd, and so it grabbed him to drag him to safety. 0.93

00:15:49.000 Ah, I'm not buying that. 1.00

00:15:50.000 That thing's not scared of shit. 1.00

00:15:52.000 It's a fucking giant white tiger. 1.00

00:15:54.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:15:55.000 You really think it's scared of a lady with a feather in her hat? 0.80

00:15:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:58.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:15:59.000 That's a tiger. 1.00

00:16:00.000 Decided to just fuck that dude up, and that's what they do. 1.00

00:16:03.000 You see that thing on television? 0.99

00:16:04.000 What was it?

00:16:06.000 About a Bengal tiger.

00:16:08.000 This guy was, they had a little, it was in Thailand, I think.

00:16:13.000 They're all on elephants anyway. 0.51

00:16:15.000 And they were like, one guy was a gamekeeper.

00:16:17.000 He had a bamboo pole.

00:16:18.000 And they had this tiger and they watched him.

00:16:22.000 And all of a sudden that tiger, Bengal tiger, leaped over the elephant and took out one of the guy's arms, took out his hands.

00:16:33.000 And whoever was filming, they kept filming.

00:16:36.000 And then the commentator said, the animal trainer wasn't hurt bad.

00:16:43.000 And you could see the guy was missing a hand.

00:16:46.000 He was like holding his hand and screaming.

00:16:48.000 And the tiger was like up.

00:16:50.000 That high.

00:16:52.000 And then they dissected visually the cat and showed you why it could spring so high, why it could jump so high.

00:17:02.000 And it showed the tooth, the teeth.

00:17:05.000 And the reason the cat could move the way it moves is that the bones were not connected to the muscle tissue.

00:17:13.000 The muscle tissue was all separate.

00:17:16.000 And there was no ligaments attached.

00:17:18.000 And so they could...

00:17:19.000 So it's all one mass of muscle when that cat springs.

00:17:23.000 They don't have ligaments?

00:17:26.000 They showed that the bones...

00:17:28.000 The bones aren't attached to the muscle.

00:17:31.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:32.000 I don't even know how the hell that would work.

00:17:34.000 How would that work?

00:17:35.000 Well, they would have...

00:17:36.000 How does it work if the bone is not attached to the muscle?

00:17:39.000 It floats.

00:17:40.000 It floats.

00:17:41.000 It's free-floating.

00:17:42.000 So the bone is just...

00:17:44.000 It's a ribcage.

00:17:46.000 Most bones are around us to protect our innards, the way we're structured.

00:17:55.000 But this Bengal tiger, in order to make that leap, it can't be attached to anything.

00:18:03.000 The strength would tear the ligaments.

00:18:06.000 Oh, wow!

00:18:09.000 It's a design, you know.

00:18:11.000 It's like free-floating amongst the rest of the meat and everything else.

00:18:17.000 But it was interesting, and the razor claws come out automatically.

00:18:26.000 Like switchblade knives.

00:18:27.000 They come out and they're razor sharp.

00:18:30.000 Razor sharp.

00:18:31.000 Like people don't even, you can't even wrap your head around.

00:18:33.000 This ain't a house cat.

00:18:34.000 And then it's a Bengal tiger with the fangs.

00:18:37.000 And so when it gets the neck or something, like a big water bubble or something, you know, it can do damage.

00:18:45.000 Oh my God.

00:18:46.000 But it showed that cat jumping up and it took the guy.

00:18:51.000 And the guy's got a bamboo stick.

00:18:53.000 Yeah.

00:18:54.000 All of a sudden, no bamboo stick, no hand.

00:18:57.000 Oh, it was awesome. 0.99

00:19:00.000 It's pretty clear that those things are put here to clean shit up. 0.60

00:19:04.000 Those things are put here to make sure there's less things. 0.97

00:19:07.000 The less big things.

00:19:08.000 They're big things. 0.98

00:19:10.000 Everything on earth, including cockroaches and ants and everything, their whole mission is to clean shit up. 0.98

00:19:17.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:19:18.000 It's true, right?

00:19:19.000 Isn't it funny how that is?

00:19:20.000 It is funny.

00:19:21.000 It's like, it's all a big cycle.

00:19:23.000 Like, mountain lions have to kill the deers, and deers eat the grass, and yeah.

00:19:28.000 Yeah.

00:19:29.000 And they're food.

00:19:30.000 They're survival food.

00:19:32.000 Yeah.

00:19:32.000 Like, bears and...

00:19:33.000 It's just, we're so removed from that as human beings, especially lately.

00:19:39.000 And, you know, this last portion of society's last hundred years or so where you can buy anything in a grocery store.

00:19:45.000 Like, we've so removed ourselves from that whole life and death struggle for meat.

00:19:50.000 Now meat has just sort of become something you just buy.

00:19:53.000 Like, we've completely removed ourselves from this primal equation of actually killing the animal, actually taking apart the animal.

00:20:01.000 We're, like, really kind of delusional about what we do.

00:20:04.000 And using all the animal.

00:20:05.000 I mean, how many people, they eat meat, but they don't like hunting?

00:20:09.000 I don't like hunting.

00:20:10.000 It makes them sick if they see a dead animal on the road or something.

00:20:14.000 They'll turn their stomach.

00:20:16.000 That's weird, man.

00:20:16.000 That's a delusional, sort of a weird...

00:20:19.000 State of mind.

00:20:20.000 The thing is the animals, when they eat the meat too, they'll go in for the organs right away.

00:20:33.000 Yeah, isn't that cool?

00:20:34.000 Yeah, and then they'll leave the rest to rot.

00:20:37.000 Well, that's why they figure out who's the alpha wolf.

00:20:41.000 They'll eat the liver. 0.99

00:20:42.000 The alpha wolf gets to eat the liver.

00:20:43.000 Yeah.

00:20:44.000 Yeah.

00:20:44.000 It was this crazy...

00:20:45.000 You ever see that documentary, Brian, about that dude who lived with wolves?

00:20:48.000 The guy actually used to plant a kill and put a liver there and then eat the liver in front of the wolf so that he would be the one that was in control.

00:20:56.000 Oh.

00:20:56.000 Yeah.

00:20:57.000 Did he ever dance with him?

00:20:58.000 I don't think it was the same type of movie.

00:21:00.000 It wasn't in his car driving.

00:21:03.000 Yeah, it was crazy.

00:21:04.000 And then he had to go away to fix something.

00:21:07.000 He's a wolf expert.

00:21:08.000 There was some wolf invasion in this other area.

00:21:10.000 So he had to go and help somebody.

00:21:11.000 When we came back, the other wolves had decided he wasn't the alpha anymore.

00:21:15.000 So then he had to beg for forgiveness and he had to be a beta.

00:21:18.000 And it was terrifying, man.

00:21:20.000 The dude was whimpering and whimpering and doing all this.

00:21:23.000 He knew all that moves. 1.00

00:21:24.000 In front of this big fucking wolf with its teeth bared. 1.00

00:21:28.000 It's like... 1.00

00:21:29.000 It was so horrific.

00:21:31.000 You think, what would it be like to be that man right now locked in a cage with a wolf who doesn't want you to be the alpha anymore?

00:21:40.000 Especially a wolf that they're so smart.

00:21:43.000 And you know the guy was just working on his wits, just trying to keep it together while that was going on. 0.98

00:21:49.000 That must have been fucking terrifying. 0.99

00:21:50.000 Well, he became a wolf. 0.99

00:21:51.000 He obviously became a wolf.

00:21:53.000 He obviously did the right moves.

00:21:55.000 Yeah, he was going...

00:21:59.000 Put the tail aside, turn around.

00:22:00.000 It was amazing, man.

00:22:01.000 It was amazing.

00:22:02.000 He just tucked tail on that wolf and that wolf accepted it.

00:22:05.000 It was so frightening to watch, man.

00:22:07.000 It was really, it's a gripping thing. 0.99

00:22:09.000 You know, people on this podcast, the Twitter people go, man, you talk about fucking scary animals too much. 0.96

00:22:14.000 Listen, I'm sorry, folks. 0.97

00:22:16.000 I don't mean to have this as a recurring theme. 0.97

00:22:19.000 This is just how I really fucking think. 0.96

00:22:21.000 Okay? 0.99

00:22:22.000 They're scary. 0.99

00:22:24.000 That tiger that jumped on that elephant is fucking horrifying. 0.99

00:22:28.000 They're like avatar creatures. 1.00

00:22:30.000 They don't even look real.

00:22:31.000 He was acrobatic.

00:22:33.000 I mean, 20 feet, 20 feet.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, it's incredible.

00:22:37.000 It showed him spring, and 20 feet, and he went up, and boom.

00:22:40.000 It's funny that nature made something like that.

00:22:42.000 And that fast, that fast, and gone.

00:22:45.000 It's so crazy that nature decided to make something like that. 0.98

00:22:49.000 It's really ridiculous.

00:22:50.000 It's like everybody else is on a bicycle, and all of a sudden there's something that's on a Corvette. 0.94

00:22:56.000 It's total ripoff.

00:22:58.000 It's not fair at all.

00:23:00.000 A tiger's not fair at all.

00:23:02.000 You know, the fact that we can exist in the same area as tigers, like there's poor people in India. 1.00

00:23:07.000 India's a really scary place for tiger cat attacks.

00:23:11.000 Yeah.

00:23:12.000 Oh, sure.

00:23:12.000 There was a documentary where they were wearing these helmets and they had a mask on the back of the helmet.

00:23:17.000 Uh-huh.

00:23:18.000 Because the tigers don't like sneaking in.

00:23:20.000 They don't like confronting you head on.

00:23:22.000 They want to sneak up.

00:23:23.000 Oh, so if you're looking at them, they'll leave you alone.

00:23:26.000 No, they figured out after a while that it was masks.

00:23:29.000 So they started jacking dudes even though they had masks on the back of their helmets.

00:23:32.000 Big bite on the mask.

00:23:33.000 But they have these, they have armored neck things to keep the, because the cat always goes to kill you. 0.71

00:23:39.000 The cat, that's the thing about like, Chimps will just eat you.

00:23:42.000 Bears will just eat you. 1.00

00:23:43.000 But cats kill you.

00:23:45.000 They kill you and then they eat you. 0.81

00:23:46.000 Because they have to kill every day. 0.99

00:23:47.000 A chimp can find some bananas and not have to kill anything for a while. 1.00

00:23:50.000 So they have a different attitude.

00:23:52.000 That's the same as bears.

00:23:53.000 That's why, have you ever seen videos of bears eating other animals?

00:23:57.000 It's horrific.

00:23:57.000 Because they're eating them alive.

00:23:59.000 They're just holding them down and doing them just like they do a salmon.

00:24:03.000 Yeah.

00:24:03.000 That's their style.

00:24:04.000 Yeah, hold their hand, one paw down and...

00:24:06.000 Start chewing.

00:24:07.000 That's their only style of eating.

00:24:09.000 They don't ever kill you.

00:24:10.000 That couple that got killed in a tent, they recorded, they had the recorder on.

00:24:16.000 Yes.

00:24:16.000 Remember that?

00:24:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:17.000 And no one's ever heard it.

00:24:19.000 Just the one woman on that. 0.93

00:24:21.000 Yeah, it was the Grizzly Man, right?

00:24:22.000 Yeah, the Grizzly Man, yeah.

00:24:24.000 And he got chewed up, and it's all documented.

00:24:27.000 Well, not only that, it was like six minutes long.

00:24:29.000 I know, that's what I mean.

00:24:31.000 So it took him six minutes to finally find the right place.

00:24:35.000 Dude, that's so scary.

00:24:35.000 Whoa!

00:24:36.000 But the guy had a chance to get out of there.

00:24:39.000 That guy was out of his mind.

00:24:41.000 I think that was like a suicide by Grizzly Bear.

00:24:43.000 Yeah.

00:24:43.000 It's one of my favorite documentaries.

00:24:45.000 If you haven't seen Grizzly Man, folks, it's unintentional comedy at its finest form.

00:24:50.000 It is.

00:24:51.000 It's amazing.

00:24:52.000 It is like a beautiful Coen Brothers movie documentary.

00:24:56.000 Yeah.

00:24:56.000 Like if you...

00:24:58.000 You don't have to change a word of it, and it would be hilarious if it was artificial.

00:25:04.000 If you made a mockumentary, and this was the mockumentary, it would be brilliant.

00:25:08.000 You'd have people laughing in the theater.

00:25:10.000 You'd have people going, it's subtle, but it's great.

00:25:13.000 And then even a little over the top, when he was trying to convince people that he wasn't gay.

00:25:17.000 Remember when he was walking with a camera? 0.99

00:25:19.000 I mean, the fucking dude is literally walking with a camera going, well, if I was gay, it wouldn't be a problem. 1.00

00:25:24.000 Can't find a girl. 1.00

00:25:25.000 If I was gay, it would be easy.

00:25:27.000 But I'm not gay!

00:25:29.000 Like, what?

00:25:30.000 No straight guy walks around with a camera going, I'm not gay.

00:25:33.000 That's probably why he was up there.

00:25:35.000 He had an identity crisis.

00:25:37.000 Yeah, poor guy.

00:25:38.000 That's a disturbing thing, man.

00:25:40.000 When you see someone who's burdened by their actual who they are.

00:25:46.000 Who they really are.

00:25:47.000 They don't want to accept the fact that they're gay. 0.76

00:25:49.000 Well, they've been born into this mesmeric It's hypnotized society that they want to fit in, but they don't. 0.99

00:25:59.000 And so they, like a lot of the Caesars in the past, you know, cruel bastards, most of them were gay. 1.00

00:26:09.000 Really? 1.00

00:26:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:10.000 Nero and the boys, you know.

00:26:12.000 Were they gay or were they just like anything? 1.00

00:26:14.000 Did they just fuck anything? 1.00

00:26:16.000 Were they just savages? 1.00

00:26:17.000 Were they just nuts? 1.00

00:26:18.000 I think more towards the gay. 1.00

00:26:20.000 Yeah?

00:26:21.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 The little boy.

00:26:22.000 Jerry Sandowski kind of.

00:26:24.000 Well, I've always heard that when people get molested by, like a lot of molesters, when they catch them, they find out that they also were molested when they were young.

00:26:35.000 A lot of them.

00:26:35.000 So, if you live in this savage Roman time where everybody's just cutting people up with swords, how many people have morals?

00:26:44.000 How many people aren't fucking their kids? 1.00

00:26:46.000 Well, that's why Christianity was so important back in the day, you know, because it gave a whole... 1.00

00:26:55.000 Small amount of people, a moral code.

00:26:58.000 Yeah, they needed something.

00:26:59.000 It would have probably taken way longer without any sort of ideology for people just to agree to not chop each other up with swords.

00:27:07.000 It would probably take a long time.

00:27:09.000 Well, that was the whole thing.

00:27:09.000 If you had a knife, you had your sword, you used it.

00:27:12.000 There was no way about it.

00:27:14.000 And if you weren't going to use it, then you didn't hang out with those people that used it.

00:27:18.000 It's like hanging out at a bar, you know, the rowdies.

00:27:24.000 And they have swords.

00:27:25.000 When they get drunk.

00:27:26.000 No, without swords.

00:27:27.000 But, you know, I mean, nowadays.

00:27:29.000 If they had swords, there wouldn't be too many around. 0.86

00:27:33.000 Could you imagine how ridiculous that would be if people were out there? 0.69

00:27:36.000 We're lucky people don't challenge that, just start walking around with swords. 0.86

00:27:40.000 Well, they got guns in the South anyway.

00:27:42.000 Yeah, a lot of places.

00:27:43.000 A lot of places have concealed carry.

00:27:45.000 Yeah.

00:27:45.000 And there's an argument for that, really.

00:27:47.000 Do you think so?

00:27:48.000 Mm-hmm.

00:27:50.000 You know what the argument for it is?

00:27:51.000 That it's already pee in the pool.

00:27:54.000 Guns are already out there.

00:27:55.000 It's not like you can be safe.

00:27:58.000 Yeah, but they're like magnets.

00:28:00.000 Yes, in a way, yeah.

00:28:02.000 Well, you know, it's just like the martial arts.

00:28:04.000 Just like martial arts, same thing, man.

00:28:06.000 If you know how to fight, For some reason, some guy in the crowd will find you and challenge you because it's like he understands like.

00:28:17.000 God, there's silly people that have challenged like Chuck Liddell.

00:28:21.000 Absolutely. 1.00

00:28:21.000 Silly people. 1.00

00:28:22.000 People really don't realize how ridiculous some people are out there in the world. 1.00

00:28:25.000 Suicide by suicide. 0.98

00:28:27.000 Well, it's not even math. 1.00

00:28:28.000 They're just so stupid. 1.00

00:28:29.000 I know. 1.00

00:28:29.000 They might actually think they have some sort of a shot at beating his ass. 1.00

00:28:33.000 It sounds like there's no way. 0.99

00:28:35.000 Everybody knows I was a fucking multiple-time UFC champion, one of the best knockout artists ever. 0.97

00:28:41.000 Really? 0.98

00:28:41.000 You think guys are picking on him? 0.98

00:28:42.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:28:43.000 No, they really probably would. 1.00

00:28:45.000 There's got to be someone that dumb. 1.00

00:28:46.000 The world is filled with morals. 1.00

00:28:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:49.000 Well, you know...

00:28:50.000 They just can't help themselves.

00:28:53.000 They're like the wrong way.

00:28:54.000 Or a Tourette.

00:28:55.000 It's almost like a social Tourette thing.

00:28:58.000 You know, where they can't help themselves.

00:29:00.000 They have to say the worst thing, the wrong thing, and get whacked.

00:29:03.000 And a lot of that is like what we were talking about.

00:29:06.000 They were abused when they were raised.

00:29:07.000 They were raised incorrectly.

00:29:09.000 Someone didn't give them the proper amount of love.

00:29:11.000 Is that phones going on in the background?

00:29:14.000 Well, you've got good ears.

00:29:15.000 Well, of course, I'm deaf.

00:29:16.000 Are you going deaf?

00:29:18.000 Mm-hmm.

00:29:19.000 Everything's going on me.

00:29:21.000 Yeah, man, you're suffering right now from cancer, right?

00:29:25.000 Is that what's going on?

00:29:25.000 I got prostate cancer.

00:29:29.000 How far is it along?

00:29:31.000 It's slow moving, apparently.

00:29:33.000 I've had it, I guess, for about six years now.

00:29:36.000 I can tell you exactly when it happened.

00:29:39.000 I was in prison, and all of a sudden, my boner wasn't responding.

00:29:47.000 And ever since then, I said, oh, there's something wrong. 0.97

00:29:51.000 And you know the prostate gets big anyway on old guys and mine was big and then I went in and had it checked about three four times and they couldn't find anything and that's like three four times a guy's with fingers up my ass you know so it wasn't wasn't that pleasurable you know in fact one guy told me a joke he's getting an exam like that and he told the doctor he says will you stick your other finger up my butt too because I want a second opinion So

00:30:22.000 I got to the point where I had like four second opinions, you know, and they said, well, it could be, I don't think so. 0.89

00:30:31.000 Yeah, you're okay.

00:30:32.000 And then my numbers, my PSA or PSA, whatever it is, some numbers that you get in your, I just had my blood checked today and I'll know tomorrow.

00:30:43.000 If it's, you know, under control.

00:30:46.000 But apparently, everybody has cancer.

00:30:49.000 You're born with cancer cells.

00:30:51.000 Everybody has cancer cells.

00:30:53.000 And what happens when you get older, the immune system If it's, say, taxed in any way, you know, eating wrong, drinking wrong, the cancer will increase and eventually kill you.

00:31:13.000 But a cancer cell is just like a zombie cell, you know.

00:31:18.000 It doesn't know it's dead.

00:31:20.000 It's half alive.

00:31:22.000 And it can only reproduce itself, which is another zombie.

00:31:27.000 And so what you do, in order for good health, you eat things that kill cancer.

00:31:37.000 And you stay away from stuff that feeds cancer.

00:31:41.000 Like sugar, for instance.

00:31:42.000 Sugar will feed cancer.

00:31:44.000 Sugar is really the worst substance on earth.

00:31:49.000 But it's so delicious.

00:31:51.000 I know.

00:31:52.000 Isn't it funny?

00:31:53.000 It's terrifying.

00:31:54.000 That's Adam and Eve, isn't it?

00:31:55.000 Cheesecake is delicious.

00:31:56.000 Isn't it?

00:31:57.000 A nice piece of cheesecake.

00:31:58.000 You've got to have sugar to make cheesecake. 1.00

00:32:00.000 Yeah.

00:32:01.000 You know?

00:32:01.000 Everything.

00:32:02.000 Or you could get that Cheesecake Factory.

00:32:04.000 It has that sugar-free cheesecake.

00:32:06.000 That might even be worse, though.

00:32:09.000 Splenda?

00:32:09.000 Splenda bad for you?

00:32:12.000 I've worked in a cookie factory for a while and I couldn't eat the product.

00:32:16.000 Really?

00:32:17.000 It was so chemical-ed up. 1.00

00:32:19.000 There was so much crap in it. 0.99

00:32:20.000 So you saw what got put in? 0.99

00:32:22.000 I saw what went in and I physically could not eat a cookie.

00:32:26.000 Is it like Oreos or something?

00:32:27.000 They're Oreos or all those marshmallow things.

00:32:31.000 The only thing I could eat was a marshmallow.

00:32:35.000 That was kind of organic, and that was it.

00:32:38.000 Marshmallows organic?

00:32:39.000 Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know.

00:32:42.000 It didn't taste as bad as the rest.

00:32:44.000 It's not.

00:32:44.000 It's the big chemical soup like all the rest of them.

00:32:46.000 Yeah.

00:32:47.000 Well, you know, it was like lard.

00:32:49.000 They put a big thing, a couple of gallons of lard into the big mixer, like a cement mixer, and then pounds of icing sugar.

00:33:01.000 into the mixer, then you mix it all up, then you pour it into a hopper, and then it goes over top of the cookies and it comes down.

00:33:08.000 So that's how you make that?

00:33:10.000 That's how you make the center of the icing.

00:33:14.000 So the marshmallow stuff is kind of organic.

00:33:16.000 Yeah, I know it's good for the skin.

00:33:18.000 Marshmallow is good for the skin.

00:33:20.000 Really?

00:33:20.000 Do you rub it on your skin?

00:33:22.000 If it's on the skin, it's like a mask or something.

00:33:25.000 There's something, lanolin or something in it that's good for the skin.

00:33:30.000 That's interesting.

00:33:30.000 I've never heard that before.

00:33:31.000 But everything else, oh, that sugar was horrible.

00:33:35.000 So sugar is just terrible for your body, period.

00:33:37.000 It gives you all the problems.

00:33:41.000 Overweight, diabetes.

00:33:43.000 Chris Lieben lost a fight because his body went into a state of shock.

00:33:47.000 Because he ate a bunch of sugar after the weigh-ins, before his fight with Brian Stan.

00:33:52.000 He had really cut it down to the wire, so he was just dying to have something in his body.

00:33:59.000 So you've got to think he's been eating clean, watched his diet for a long time, trying to get down to weight.

00:34:03.000 He makes weight, and then eats a bunch of candy.

00:34:06.000 Oh. 1.00

00:34:07.000 And he was fucked, man. 1.00

00:34:08.000 He couldn't fight. 1.00

00:34:09.000 Later that day, he was sick.

00:34:11.000 He's in shock.

00:34:12.000 It was toxic shock.

00:34:13.000 It's a poison.

00:34:15.000 So when he didn't throw up, did he throw up?

00:34:17.000 I'm sure he did.

00:34:18.000 He just didn't fight like himself.

00:34:20.000 He still fought well, but he's just a tough dude.

00:34:22.000 But he definitely was compromised.

00:34:25.000 You could tell.

00:34:26.000 If you get sugar naturally, fruit or something like that, that's a lot better for you.

00:34:31.000 Bananas or something like that.

00:34:32.000 There's always something in there with the sugar that's good for you.

00:34:36.000 Well, that's how you're supposed to get sugar, right?

00:34:38.000 It's when you pull it out and then just eat it by itself.

00:34:40.000 It's like, what are you doing there?

00:34:41.000 You're not supposed to get that much.

00:34:42.000 Corn syrup is in everything.

00:34:45.000 That's supposed to be really bad for you, right?

00:34:47.000 The worst.

00:34:48.000 The absolute worst.

00:34:49.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:34:50.000 I go into Whole Foods now shopping because I'm on a very special diet.

00:34:56.000 And I stand in areas that I can't eat one thing.

00:34:59.000 In that area.

00:35:01.000 Like all the breads.

00:35:03.000 I can't eat bread, rice, all the starches.

00:35:06.000 What kind of a diet are you following?

00:35:08.000 It's very green.

00:35:09.000 Very green.

00:35:10.000 Kale, raw foods, carrots.

00:35:15.000 And it's actually quite delicious.

00:35:17.000 Do you make like a kale shake?

00:35:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:20.000 I've been making...

00:35:21.000 I got a juicer, a natural juicer, a worm-driven juicer.

00:35:26.000 Right.

00:35:27.000 And it's not a speed thing.

00:35:28.000 And so what it does, it squeezes the juice out.

00:35:31.000 Right.

00:35:32.000 Everything.

00:35:32.000 And I juice everything.

00:35:34.000 They say you should eat the fiber too.

00:35:37.000 The shakes...

00:35:38.000 The shakes are good for that.

00:35:40.000 You just cut them all up.

00:35:41.000 Somebody had a great idea.

00:35:43.000 One of the dudes from our message board said he didn't have enough money for one of those blenders because the Vitamax blenders are expensive.

00:35:49.000 But instead what he did is he juiced his vegetables first and then took all the pulp and then threw all that in a blender with the juice.

00:35:58.000 So he made his own smoothie.

00:36:00.000 I'm like, that's pretty clever.

00:36:01.000 So that way he's getting all the plant fiber.

00:36:03.000 He's getting the fiber too.

00:36:04.000 Yeah.

00:36:05.000 Because sometimes like when you juice, like after you go into that bucket where all the fiber drops and you like pull all the stuff out, like shouldn't I be eating this too?

00:36:12.000 Sure.

00:36:12.000 You know?

00:36:12.000 I mean, I guess you're getting a massively concentrated form of nutrients if you're just juicing though.

00:36:17.000 Yeah, but the fiber gives you that.

00:36:19.000 Fiber's good too.

00:36:20.000 Gives you that nice turd, you know?

00:36:21.000 That's what I'm talking about, dog. 0.85

00:36:23.000 You need that. 1.00

00:36:24.000 See, when you get older you appreciate a solid shit. 0.99

00:36:26.000 You can cook with that, you know, that bucket of stuff. 0.99

00:36:29.000 A lot of people make like vegetable lasagna or stuff like that.

00:36:32.000 Yeah, you could definitely cook with it.

00:36:33.000 Yeah, my wife made a carrot cake out of the carrots. 1.00

00:36:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:36:36.000 But I couldn't eat it because of the sugar.

00:36:39.000 No sugar.

00:36:40.000 I don't mind.

00:36:41.000 I don't mind at all.

00:36:42.000 So do you feel better now that you've altered your diet like this?

00:36:45.000 I'm the healthiest I've ever been in my life.

00:36:47.000 That's amazing.

00:36:48.000 And I got cancer.

00:36:50.000 That's incredible.

00:36:51.000 That's a great statement.

00:36:52.000 How long has it been that you've been on this diet?

00:36:55.000 Two months.

00:36:56.000 Two months, wow.

00:36:57.000 Let's see, May, June, July.

00:36:59.000 Yeah, three months.

00:37:00.000 It affects you a lot, huh?

00:37:01.000 Three months.

00:37:02.000 No, I'm not hungry at all.

00:37:04.000 One thing about...

00:37:04.000 No, no, no, I mean it affects you positively this time.

00:37:06.000 Oh, totally, totally.

00:37:08.000 Just, when you've got cancer, it's just the nights are kind of long.

00:37:12.000 Yeah.

00:37:13.000 You know.

00:37:13.000 You start...

00:37:14.000 You start tallying up scores and realizing I can see the end of the game.

00:37:23.000 It's the fourth quarter and we may not go into overtime.

00:37:29.000 Like last night I had a bad night.

00:37:32.000 I've been doing most of my oil, hemp oil or cannabis oil at night.

00:37:38.000 Now, explain to people the idea behind that, because I've seen that Rick Simpson stuff online.

00:37:45.000 Is he the guy who figured out that...

00:37:47.000 He's one of them.

00:37:47.000 ...cannabis oil?

00:37:48.000 One of the doctors?

00:37:49.000 One of them.

00:37:49.000 Is he a doctor?

00:37:50.000 No, no.

00:37:50.000 No?

00:37:50.000 No, he's a funny, he's an old farmer from Nova Scotia.

00:37:54.000 And how did he figure out...

00:37:55.000 An old right-wing farmer, like an old...

00:37:57.000 Really?

00:37:57.000 ...old Canadian-y.

00:37:59.000 A right-wing farmer?

00:38:01.000 He used to be right-wing.

00:38:03.000 Everybody in Canada was right-wing. 0.99

00:38:06.000 Guns and shit like that. 0.99

00:38:09.000 What he did, he had melanoma real bad. 0.99

00:38:14.000 I don't know who turned him on to it, but he said, hey, try some hash oil.

00:38:19.000 Put some hash oil on it.

00:38:21.000 And he was due into the doctor, who was in the documentary, for an operation to get most of his jaw or cheek or something.

00:38:31.000 Well, no, near his eye.

00:38:32.000 It was near his eye.

00:38:33.000 The skin around his eye was going to be taken out.

00:38:36.000 And so...

00:38:38.000 They put the hemp oil on it, cured it, sheared it.

00:38:42.000 Cured two other spots on his body too.

00:38:44.000 And so he went in with a camera to the doctor and the doctor and them threw him out.

00:38:51.000 Why?

00:38:52.000 Because they cured cancer!

00:38:55.000 That's a medical thing, you know.

00:38:57.000 But why would the doctor throw him out?

00:38:59.000 Because if the word gets out, they're charging, you know, you know, I'm gonna say charge.

00:39:03.000 I just paid $280.

00:39:04.000 But do you think the doctor himself, as a doctor, wouldn't want people to know about that?

00:39:08.000 If he came to the doctor and said...

00:39:10.000 The doctor wouldn't talk to him.

00:39:11.000 The doctor...

00:39:12.000 Really?

00:39:12.000 He went over the test with him and said, you don't have cancer anymore.

00:39:16.000 You know, it's gone totally.

00:39:17.000 Boom, boom, boom.

00:39:18.000 And so he tried to get the conversation going, and this is what cured me.

00:39:22.000 And the doctor would not hear it, and the receptionist literally called for security.

00:39:28.000 Where was this part of the world?

00:39:29.000 This was up in Canada, Nova Scotia.

00:39:32.000 I can imagine that.

00:39:32.000 Nova Scotia.

00:39:34.000 Well, Vancouver's very liberal, but there's a lot of parts of Canada that are certainly conservative, or at least were.

00:39:40.000 That's the amazing thing about these guys.

00:39:42.000 So what he did, he turned his friends on that had cancer, because there's a whole bunch of them up there that had lung cancer, prostrate cancer.

00:39:51.000 Now, how do you, it's applied topically if you have a skin cancer?

00:39:55.000 Well, if you've got skin, you apply it topically.

00:39:58.000 Do you eat it as well?

00:40:00.000 You eat it for everything else, like prostrate.

00:40:03.000 So for skin, you don't eat it as well as put it topically?

00:40:05.000 I imagine you could.

00:40:07.000 You know, I mean, if you like the high...

00:40:09.000 These guys weren't...

00:40:10.000 Because it doesn't make you high, right?

00:40:11.000 Oh, it does.

00:40:12.000 Oh, it does?

00:40:14.000 It is.

00:40:15.000 That's why I do it at night.

00:40:17.000 CBD is what doesn't make you high, right?

00:40:18.000 Is that what it is?

00:40:19.000 Is it cannabinoids?

00:40:20.000 Is it a CBD that doesn't make you high?

00:40:22.000 Yeah, it's the THC that gets you.

00:40:24.000 It alleviates anxiety.

00:40:25.000 But you can't separate it.

00:40:27.000 Oh, you can't.

00:40:27.000 You know, the oil, I mean, it's hash oil.

00:40:29.000 Oh, okay.

00:40:30.000 It's hash oil.

00:40:30.000 So it's essentially just hash oil.

00:40:31.000 It's hash oil.

00:40:32.000 I call it hemp oil.

00:40:34.000 Yeah, that's what everybody's been saying.

00:40:35.000 Oh, that's good.

00:40:38.000 So it is the same thing.

00:40:40.000 So if you take this, it's just like eating a strong edible.

00:40:44.000 Stronger.

00:40:45.000 So you've got to be very careful.

00:40:46.000 Dude, I've had some of those liquid ones, those little liquid, they come in like a little vial.

00:40:52.000 The lose-a-day?

00:40:53.000 The lose-a-day kind?

00:40:55.000 I don't know who makes it.

00:40:56.000 Where you lose a whole day?

00:40:57.000 Oh, lose a day.

00:40:58.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:40:58.000 Well, this is what it's like.

00:41:00.000 I described it.

00:41:01.000 It's like standing in front of a cosmic waterfall and you're just able to poke your head through to the other side and look at the back behind the waterfall for a little bit.

00:41:11.000 And there's another waterfall back there.

00:41:13.000 Yeah, that's how high you get.

00:41:14.000 You get reality shattering high.

00:41:16.000 I get staying bed high.

00:41:18.000 It's so self-examatory.

00:41:20.000 It makes me want to apologize to everybody I've ever met.

00:41:24.000 Everybody I've ever met, I'm so sorry.

00:41:27.000 Whatever I've done, I'm not a bad guy, I swear to God.

00:41:30.000 I get out of bed, you know, I didn't know how to take the medicine, so on the video it showed him take a little dollop on his fingertip.

00:41:39.000 So I did the same thing.

00:41:40.000 He sent me a whole kit of the oil in these big plastic syringes, you know, that you decorate cakes with.

00:41:49.000 It's super hard to make though, right?

00:41:51.000 Apparently.

00:41:51.000 They make it next door at the school.

00:41:53.000 They just bought an extractor.

00:41:55.000 Cheese it, son.

00:41:56.000 No, it's...

00:41:56.000 You want people to know where you are?

00:41:58.000 The feds, they're out there, kid!

00:41:59.000 No, they're legally allowed to do it.

00:42:00.000 There's no such thing.

00:42:02.000 There's no such thing.

00:42:03.000 For real. 1.00

00:42:04.000 If someone in Washington, D.C. is listening to this and they decide, let's go and fuck those guys up. 0.99

00:42:08.000 There's no law against that. 0.99

00:42:10.000 Do you know that?

00:42:11.000 The federal law supersedes the state law as far as...

00:42:14.000 Well, that's my whole...

00:42:15.000 That's what happened.

00:42:15.000 What happened to him?

00:42:16.000 That's my whole point of my life now is to get this shit legal so I don't have to go around corners, you know, sneak around to get my cancer medication. 0.98

00:42:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:29.000 Well, when I was a kid, okay, and I listened to your albums, and they were albums, vinyl, you know, and Who would have ever believed that here would be still in 2012 and all the children who listen to your shit have now grown up and are still passing ridiculous laws and it's still illegal. 0.99

00:42:51.000 They're still raiding pharmacies. 0.95

00:42:53.000 I think my job on earth really was...

00:42:58.000 I was born around the same time that they made it illegal, 1938. It was when they made it illegal.

00:43:07.000 That's when I came out.

00:43:12.000 I got turned on when I was 18 by a Chinese jazz musician.

00:43:16.000 He gave me a Lenny Bruce record and a joint. 1.00

00:43:20.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:43:21.000 Wow! 1.00

00:43:22.000 And he said, enjoy.

00:43:23.000 Wow!

00:43:24.000 I didn't know.

00:43:25.000 I was, you know, really scared of the joint because I'd never heard about it, but I never smoked it.

00:43:30.000 So I smoked a tiny little bit, put it out, and laughed my ass off.

00:43:35.000 Laughed until I was sick, until I was literally.

00:43:37.000 And then I had my friends come over and we all listened, but I never turned my friends on to the joint.

00:43:42.000 No?

00:43:42.000 I kept it to myself.

00:43:44.000 I didn't want to be the guy, you know?

00:43:46.000 You didn't want to turn them all into junkies?

00:43:48.000 I didn't know where I was going to get another one.

00:43:50.000 So it wasn't that you were worried you were going to turn them into junkies?

00:43:55.000 No.

00:43:55.000 It was that it was too good?

00:43:57.000 It was too good.

00:43:58.000 I didn't know where I was going to get another one.

00:44:01.000 I had no dealer.

00:44:02.000 I never even thought of it, you know?

00:44:04.000 So it lasted.

00:44:07.000 The best ever.

00:44:08.000 It was the best high.

00:44:09.000 What was the climate of life back then?

00:44:13.000 What year was this?

00:44:14.000 It was 56. How rampant was marijuana smoking?

00:44:18.000 Nothing.

00:44:20.000 In Canada, you could sit in a concert and smoke it and no one would know anything.

00:44:25.000 Really?

00:44:25.000 They'd ask you and you'd say, yeah, it's Italian tobacco.

00:44:28.000 And they go, oh, it smells good.

00:44:30.000 Yeah.

00:44:30.000 Wow.

00:44:31.000 That's awesome.

00:44:32.000 Yeah.

00:44:32.000 Yeah, you could walk down the street smoking.

00:44:35.000 And then in the 60s, I remember when I was in Vancouver in the 60s and the What singing group?

00:44:46.000 The Four Tops?

00:44:48.000 I think it was the Four Tops.

00:44:50.000 You know, the, I'll be there, the Four Tops.

00:44:53.000 They were playing at the cave, a little club in the cave.

00:44:56.000 And of course, they're the Four Tops, the black guys from Detroit. 0.85

00:44:59.000 So they smoked up a joint before the show, and they put the ashtray, put the roach in an ashtray, and went and did the show.

00:45:07.000 In the meantime, the maid comes up, finds the joint, phones the cops, first the front desk, then the cops came, and the cops got the room next door, and so when the Four Tops came back from their gig, they bust in the room, and they arrested the Four Tops and a Jewish comedian. 0.79

00:45:27.000 I forget his name.

00:45:28.000 And they took him down there, and the Tops were telling his story after.

00:45:32.000 You know, it didn't last.

00:45:34.000 I mean, Barry Gordy or Motown sent the money or whatever it was, and it went away pretty quick, you know. 0.99

00:45:40.000 But you can get shit to go away back then. 0.92

00:45:42.000 There was no TMZ. No, no. 0.99

00:45:45.000 That disappeared.

00:45:47.000 But the funny thing was they took him to jail.

00:45:49.000 They took the Four Tops to jail with the comedian. 0.92

00:45:52.000 And the comedian had nothing to do with it.

00:45:55.000 He came up to the room for a drink or something.

00:45:57.000 And the comedian was saying, hey, hey, hey, I'm not with these guys.

00:46:01.000 Come on.

00:46:02.000 Come on, look at me.

00:46:02.000 Do I look like a four top?

00:46:05.000 I'm not the fifth top.

00:46:06.000 Sounds like Joe Pesci.

00:46:08.000 Could Joe Pesci play that guy in a movie?

00:46:09.000 In a minute.

00:46:10.000 In a minute.

00:46:11.000 It was very funny.

00:46:13.000 So the climate back then was much more innocent.

00:46:16.000 It was much different.

00:46:17.000 Where were you living at the time?

00:46:18.000 Well, I was in Calgary when I first got stoned.

00:46:21.000 Calgary.

00:46:22.000 First time.

00:46:23.000 And that's when I quit school.

00:46:25.000 I'm going there in a couple weeks.

00:46:26.000 Everything they said about Calgary.

00:46:28.000 Oh, I'll turn you on.

00:46:29.000 I like Calgary.

00:46:29.000 I've been up there before.

00:46:30.000 Great place.

00:46:31.000 I did the Jack Singer concert hall.

00:46:32.000 I'm doing two shows there.

00:46:33.000 It's awesome.

00:46:34.000 Right before the UFC at the Jack Singer concert hall.

00:46:37.000 Oh, did you?

00:46:38.000 Yeah.

00:46:38.000 Nice place.

00:46:38.000 Yeah.

00:46:39.000 Oh, it's beautiful.

00:46:40.000 Yeah.

00:46:40.000 Last time we did it, we actually had people on the stage.

00:46:44.000 They fucked up with the tickets somehow or another.

00:46:46.000 Oh, so you put them on stage. 0.96

00:46:47.000 Yeah, we put 50 people on stage with us.

00:46:49.000 It was crazy.

00:46:50.000 It was great.

00:46:50.000 It was so nice, man.

00:46:51.000 Oh, it's great.

00:46:52.000 You didn't even feel weird about it.

00:46:54.000 Yeah, Singer. 1.00

00:46:54.000 He was a rich guy. 1.00

00:46:55.000 Yeah.

00:46:56.000 All those guys.

00:46:56.000 Fun place.

00:46:57.000 Bellsburg.

00:46:58.000 Yeah, I grew up in Calgary. 1.00

00:46:59.000 Oh yeah, no shit. 0.98

00:47:01.000 We should come to the UFC there in a couple weeks. 0.99

00:47:04.000 Yeah.

00:47:04.000 I could hook you up.

00:47:05.000 Yeah, I want to go.

00:47:06.000 Do you want to go?

00:47:06.000 Well, I'll see how my cancer schedule is.

00:47:10.000 Well, if you feel well and you feel up to it, let me know.

00:47:12.000 That's not that.

00:47:13.000 Not that at all.

00:47:14.000 It's just, I've got to do it. 0.99

00:47:16.000 Doctors and all that shit. 0.93

00:47:17.000 Now, are you using chemotherapy? 0.98

00:47:19.000 No, no, no.

00:47:21.000 My cancer is very slow.

00:47:25.000 In fact, it's kind of weird what they say about my cancer.

00:47:27.000 They say, usually we don't tell a guy at your age.

00:47:32.000 Yeah, usually we don't tell a guy because by the time the cancer is bad, you'll be dead of some other causes. 1.00

00:47:39.000 No shit. 0.99

00:47:39.000 So that's one of the things. 0.99

00:47:42.000 That's kind of creepy that your doctor would hold that back from you.

00:47:45.000 It's very creepy.

00:47:45.000 Well, they do that.

00:47:46.000 Well, how many times do you have to see people die before they get jaded?

00:47:49.000 Yeah, well, you don't have to change your lifestyle.

00:47:52.000 See, I got a straight doctor and I got a very hip naturopath. 0.86

00:47:58.000 I thought you were going to say a gay doctor.

00:48:00.000 Yeah, the straight doctor. 0.87

00:48:03.000 And that's why you wanted to test me eight times.

00:48:06.000 The straight doctor.

00:48:08.000 He's kind of like, hey, whatever you want to do, go ahead, don't worry about it.

00:48:11.000 Here's some pills.

00:48:13.000 Take these pills.

00:48:14.000 They're very expensive, but they'll keep your prostate from growing, and it'll keep the cancer cells from growing, and so you'll be okay for a while.

00:48:23.000 Side effects, you might get Alzheimer's from it, but it's down the line too, you know.

00:48:28.000 So my naturopath, he was the opposite.

00:48:31.000 He said, well, Yeah, take those pills, but get off them as soon as you can, and here's all this natural stuff you take, like green tea supplements.

00:48:42.000 Not green tea in a glass, but condensed green tea is really good, and there's all sorts of other stuff.

00:48:49.000 Because it's a strong antioxidant?

00:48:50.000 Is that what it is?

00:48:51.000 Yeah.

00:48:52.000 A lot of oil, a lot of fish oil, a lot of krill oil, a lot of good oil.

00:48:57.000 And that's because you keep your bones and everything else oiled, and the cancer cells can't stick to it.

00:49:04.000 What?

00:49:05.000 It works that way?

00:49:06.000 Yeah, that's why.

00:49:07.000 Cancer cells will stick to things. 0.85

00:49:08.000 Like an oiled up wrestler?

00:49:10.000 Yeah.

00:49:10.000 No, internally.

00:49:12.000 Oh, internally.

00:49:13.000 Internally.

00:49:13.000 You've got to oil yourself internally.

00:49:15.000 And that's why water. 0.60

00:49:17.000 Be very careful with your water intake because that's what happened to me.

00:49:20.000 I wasn't drinking enough water.

00:49:22.000 So you dehydrated all the time?

00:49:24.000 And so I was water deficient.

00:49:26.000 Yeah.

00:49:27.000 Hydro, what do you call it?

00:49:28.000 Deficient.

00:49:29.000 Uh-huh.

00:49:29.000 I would drink tea, I'd drink all this other stuff, you know, sodas and stuff, you know, but I wouldn't drink water.

00:49:35.000 If you work out, you gotta rehydrate.

00:49:37.000 Really rehydrate.

00:49:38.000 With water.

00:49:38.000 Yeah, with water.

00:49:39.000 Or coconut juice is really good, too.

00:49:41.000 Coconut water, rather.

00:49:42.000 That's a lot of electrolytes in it.

00:49:44.000 But I went to a doctor recently, and I found out that I was three pounds dehydrated.

00:49:50.000 Because I worked out the night before and I, you know, I had eaten.

00:49:53.000 I thought I drank enough.

00:49:55.000 But he's like, you know, you can look at when they do like a body mass index thing on you.

00:49:59.000 It's like you're dehydrated.

00:50:00.000 Yeah.

00:50:01.000 Yeah.

00:50:01.000 And so for cancer, cancer loves dehydration.

00:50:04.000 They love you fucked up, huh? 1.00

00:50:05.000 Ooh. 1.00

00:50:06.000 Yeah, they like you weakened.

00:50:07.000 Well, figure it out.

00:50:08.000 Your immune system is so busy with everything else.

00:50:15.000 And I'll tell you another, I went to another healer and he gave me a great tip I'll pass on to you and your listeners, is one way to cleanse your liver and your kidneys, which really should be cleansed as much as you can.

00:50:30.000 I heard it's a blowout weekend with Jack Daniels.

00:50:32.000 That's what I heard.

00:50:34.000 I heard that's the best cleaner.

00:50:36.000 No, it's after.

00:50:37.000 I heard your liver needs a workout.

00:50:39.000 Every now and then, you just got to put your liver through an NFL combine.

00:50:43.000 The way you do it, you get a bag of Celtic salt. 0.89

00:50:45.000 Sea salt.

00:50:46.000 Sea salt?

00:50:47.000 Celtic sea salt.

00:50:48.000 Okay.

00:50:49.000 It's rock salt, but it has all the other minerals in it, too.

00:50:53.000 Uh-huh.

00:50:53.000 And you get as much, a gallon or so, of water.

00:50:57.000 Preferably, not distilled, but, you know, whatever.

00:51:00.000 Spring water?

00:51:01.000 Spring water, you know, pure, pure, pure water.

00:51:03.000 You know, you don't want tap water.

00:51:05.000 Right.

00:51:05.000 And what you do, you put a pinch of seawater in your glass, and you drink it.

00:51:12.000 Pinch of salt.

00:51:13.000 Pinch of sea salt in the glass, drink it down.

00:51:16.000 And drink, try to drink as much as you can with the sea salt.

00:51:20.000 And the thing is, the salt will make you thirsty.

00:51:24.000 In fact, that's why we love salt so much, because salt makes the body thirsty.

00:51:31.000 The body needs water.

00:51:32.000 And the body will do anything it can do to get water.

00:51:36.000 Once you put salt in it?

00:51:39.000 Normally, normally your body needs water and so it'll do whatever and the salt makes you drink more and when you put salt in like distilled water, the fresh spring water, it cleanses your whole body.

00:51:53.000 Now you could have a You know, it cleansed your, like I say, it could act like an animal sometimes.

00:52:00.000 Oh, blast you out, right?

00:52:01.000 Oh, yeah, it'll clench out.

00:52:03.000 But you should do that at least, I'm doing it at least once a month.

00:52:08.000 Once a month?

00:52:09.000 Yeah.

00:52:09.000 And when you define a pinch, what would you say that is?

00:52:13.000 You think that's like just a tiny sprinkle?

00:52:15.000 You don't want to put too much in it though, right?

00:52:17.000 Nah, well...

00:52:17.000 You've got to be careful, right?

00:52:18.000 Yeah, too much.

00:52:20.000 It's just too much.

00:52:22.000 Well, isn't it dangerous at a certain point?

00:52:25.000 Well, the water and the salt.

00:52:27.000 See, that's why it has to be saltic salt.

00:52:30.000 It can't be iodized or refined in any way.

00:52:34.000 It has to be sea salt because what you're doing, you're putting minerals back into your system.

00:52:39.000 Especially back into your kidneys.

00:52:40.000 You see, that's where you're deficient.

00:52:42.000 Because none of the supermarket foods give you minerals.

00:52:46.000 You know, that's why we have supplements.

00:52:49.000 You're talking about supplements.

00:52:50.000 We're just getting minerals.

00:52:51.000 That's all we're basically doing.

00:52:53.000 And sea salt is the cheapest, the easiest, nicest way to get your minerals.

00:52:57.000 Well, another thing is a lot of people don't realize that your land that you grow things on, you can't really keep growing things on the same spot forever.

00:53:08.000 No.

00:53:08.000 Like, you deplete the minerals from the soil.

00:53:12.000 And so then your vegetables become mineral deficient.

00:53:14.000 And that's why, you know, the leafy vegetables don't look as green and rich.

00:53:18.000 You know if they don't look like green and rich they're probably not as healthy and in the in the non-organic Fertilizer, you know, that's so bad for the whole system.

00:53:28.000 What really creeps me out is this old Monsanto thing or Monsanto is creating these suicide seeds that you know they work once and they don't make they don't make seeds and Like, you know, if you get a tomato, you can't take a tomato seed out and try to plant that seed.

00:53:44.000 That seed's useless.

00:53:45.000 They've killed them. 0.99

00:53:46.000 I love what they're doing, because what they're doing is they're identifying themselves. 0.98

00:53:50.000 As creeps.

00:53:51.000 Yeah, so we can, you look at it and go, oh, okay, give me the organic, you know.

00:53:56.000 Yeah, that's what they did with the coconut.

00:54:01.000 Monsanto was the one that ran the coconut people out of business.

00:54:05.000 Did you know that?

00:54:06.000 No, I had no idea.

00:54:07.000 Well, the coconut, everybody used coconut oil, and it's the healthiest oil on the planet.

00:54:13.000 I mean, to cook with, to wash with, you know, your hair, your skin.

00:54:17.000 I remember when they said it was bad for you.

00:54:18.000 Remember that?

00:54:19.000 Well, that was Monsanto.

00:54:21.000 Really?

00:54:21.000 They were saying that the fat would give you heart attacks and clogged up the cholesterol.

00:54:27.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:54:27.000 It's just the opposite, right? 1.00

00:54:29.000 It's the opposite.

00:54:29.000 It's really good for you.

00:54:30.000 It's really good for you.

00:54:31.000 Coconut oils are one of the healthiest things you can eat.

00:54:34.000 I got a great test now because I got a naturopath doctor and he says, what are you eating?

00:54:39.000 And I name off certain things and he'll say, don't eat that, don't eat that.

00:54:43.000 I said, coconut, eat as much as you want.

00:54:46.000 Yeah, coconut is good.

00:54:48.000 Especially the coconuts from Thailand, you know, those are the ones that have the most delicious milk.

00:54:54.000 With the white, silky.

00:54:57.000 Yeah, the Thailand's good.

00:54:58.000 They're all good.

00:54:59.000 It's all good.

00:55:00.000 They're Filipinos.

00:55:01.000 I mean, that's why the Polynesians, you know, their skin's so beautiful and they've got hair.

00:55:06.000 You know, you don't...

00:55:08.000 Such a healthy fruit too, eating the actual coconut itself, so good for you.

00:55:12.000 And did you know, here's a fact about a coconut that I didn't know about until my artist son-in-law told me, but the coconut itself is...

00:55:24.000 Insecticide.

00:55:24.000 Really?

00:55:25.000 It emits things that kill insects.

00:55:30.000 Huh, the outside?

00:55:31.000 The outside, the whole planet itself.

00:55:35.000 It's an insecticide.

00:55:36.000 It's an insecticide.

00:55:37.000 And that's one of the reasons that if you use coconut oil, you know, keep the mosquitoes away. 1.00

00:55:41.000 No shit! 0.99

00:55:42.000 That stuff works? 0.99

00:55:43.000 Yeah.

00:55:44.000 Yeah.

00:55:44.000 I've never heard of that before.

00:55:46.000 Does it work as good as off, though? 1.00

00:55:47.000 Because off stinks, but that shit works. 1.00

00:55:49.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:55:50.000 I don't want to get kind of bit because I'm being crunchy.

00:55:54.000 No, but the insects...

00:55:56.000 See, the coconut plant itself took a few years to develop this, but they needed a defense against insects and birds and...

00:56:05.000 Imagine a coconut shell.

00:56:07.000 What a perfect home that would make.

00:56:09.000 For how many birds, everything.

00:56:11.000 But you notice?

00:56:12.000 They're left alone.

00:56:14.000 They got this big leafy thing around it that protects it too.

00:56:17.000 But the plant itself is an insecticide.

00:56:21.000 It's pretty cool.

00:56:22.000 It's amazing that a coconut exists at all. 0.89

00:56:24.000 I mean, isn't it amazing that you gotta chop through all this bullshit to get to this delicious center where all this water is? 0.80

00:56:31.000 And look at the soil it grows in. 0.98

00:56:33.000 Sand.

00:56:34.000 So strange. 1.00

00:56:36.000 What a strange fucking alien plant. 1.00

00:56:38.000 That's so good for you. 1.00

00:56:39.000 Yeah, that's so good for you.

00:56:41.000 So good for you.

00:56:42.000 The most unfortunate thing about Americans is our diet.

00:56:46.000 So many people just are not eating the proper amount of nutrients, vegetables.

00:56:50.000 Well, that explains for the psychotic behavior of people.

00:56:54.000 A little bit.

00:56:54.000 Work is also the culprit.

00:56:56.000 People just go crazy.

00:56:57.000 They don't want to work anymore.

00:56:59.000 We don't work, man.

00:57:01.000 You and I haven't worked in a long time.

00:57:02.000 When you work, you're doing something you don't like.

00:57:06.000 And you're doing it all day.

00:57:07.000 And that's most of us.

00:57:08.000 Most of our country is filled with people that are working. 0.99

00:57:10.000 You're surviving.

00:57:14.000 That's why the immigration thing is such a thing. 1.00

00:57:17.000 Because it's just people migrating up where the food is.

00:57:22.000 Work means food.

00:57:23.000 That's what it is. 0.96

00:57:25.000 That's why these immigration laws are kind of ridiculous. 0.90

00:57:30.000 It just puts people in a position where they can be mean to other people. 0.75

00:57:35.000 Well, it's a crazy situation anyway.

00:57:37.000 The only reason why it exists at all is because we don't have jetpacks and portable helicopters.

00:57:42.000 You know what I mean?

00:57:43.000 It's not easy to fly around. 0.99

00:57:45.000 If everyone had a fucking plane, there would be no countries. 0.99

00:57:48.000 It would be ridiculous because you could just go anywhere you want. 0.99

00:57:50.000 They would get over the fact they can't control people.

00:57:54.000 They would have to control the airports and then people would rebel and take their airports back.

00:57:59.000 Everything in America is all front.

00:58:02.000 It's all a front.

00:58:03.000 It's all a facade.

00:58:05.000 There's nothing real.

00:58:06.000 Like when you get searched.

00:58:09.000 When 9-11 just happened, I was flying to somewhere, Houston or flying to Argentina or somewhere.

00:58:18.000 But anyway, flew into Miami.

00:58:21.000 You know the security, they got the bags going through the machines and everything.

00:58:25.000 Well, Miami, all these flights from the rest of the world, they just unload their baggage beside the machines and people just come and pick up their baggage.

00:58:39.000 When they're going to the next flight.

00:58:42.000 In other words, it's a third world country. 0.96

00:58:47.000 So we're protected everywhere, LA, New York, we're protected, protected, protected.

00:58:51.000 Then you go down to the butt of the country, Miami, you think they would have some protection there?

00:58:56.000 None.

00:58:57.000 None.

00:58:58.000 You could walk through a little barrier.

00:59:00.000 You walk around.

00:59:01.000 Oh, there's my bag over there.

00:59:02.000 Or there's somebody's bag.

00:59:04.000 Or let's put this explosive over there. 0.90

00:59:06.000 No one would have...

00:59:07.000 Are you giving terrorist ideas?

00:59:10.000 I hope not.

00:59:10.000 Are you telling them where's a good spot to attack?

00:59:13.000 I'll tell you how to sneak into the country.

00:59:14.000 How?

00:59:15.000 Puerto Rico.

00:59:16.000 Puerto Rico?

00:59:17.000 Yeah.

00:59:18.000 Yeah?

00:59:18.000 How's that?

00:59:19.000 You can get a passport in the Dominican Republic.

00:59:24.000 Then you can swim over to or get dropped off and swim to Puerto Rico.

00:59:31.000 Right.

00:59:31.000 And then you dress up or whatever, you know, and then you got your passport, your green card, and you get on a plane for anywhere in America.

00:59:43.000 Really?

00:59:44.000 It's that easy?

00:59:45.000 That easy.

00:59:45.000 You're a mastermind.

00:59:46.000 You should write books on how to break the law.

00:59:50.000 I know a lot of them, man.

00:59:51.000 Do you think that there should be no borders?

00:59:54.000 Is that what you think?

00:59:55.000 Do you think people should be able to travel anywhere they want?

00:59:57.000 Absolutely.

00:59:57.000 It's like the pot.

00:59:58.000 You know, people are saying to me, you know, well, if we legalize, then we could tax it.

01:00:02.000 I said, no, no.

01:00:04.000 Why?

01:00:04.000 Why make work for yourself?

01:00:07.000 Just legalize it.

01:00:09.000 Just eliminate the DEA. No, what you do, you transfer everybody from DEA to Secret Service.

01:00:15.000 They obviously need some corrupt people in there. 0.99

01:00:20.000 And you eliminate the DEA. So take the DEA and maybe, how about use them for something good?

01:00:28.000 How about use them for some sort of an educational program or something like that?

01:00:32.000 I can't think of one that wouldn't work because they're basically cops.

01:00:35.000 You'd have to give them another cop job. 0.89

01:00:37.000 No, no, they're criminals. 0.98

01:00:39.000 They're beyond cops. 0.81

01:00:40.000 They're not just cops.

01:00:41.000 You feel like the DEA are criminals? 0.98

01:00:43.000 DEA, they're total criminals. 1.00

01:00:44.000 They're total criminals.

01:00:45.000 And if you're not, you're not in the DEA. You have to transfer out because you can't have one bad cop Now when you say, you mean they're really corrupt. 0.97

01:00:56.000 They're totally corrupt.

01:00:58.000 We don't hear about the money that, remember all the money they used to find with marijuana? 0.97

01:01:03.000 And now they're saying they're selling more marijuana than ever.

01:01:06.000 We don't hear about the money anymore, do we?

01:01:08.000 We don't hear about the millions of dollars in drug money that gets confiscated sitting in the court until trial.

01:01:16.000 What do they do with that money?

01:01:18.000 They split it amongst themselves.

01:01:20.000 They don't have to account for it?

01:01:26.000 For real.

01:01:27.000 They put it in their pocket.

01:01:30.000 They split it up.

01:01:31.000 A hundred percent.

01:01:31.000 There's no doubt about it.

01:01:34.000 I'll name an instance.

01:01:36.000 I won't name the guy's name, but he's a friend of mine from Vancouver.

01:01:41.000 And he was down here.

01:01:43.000 He's working for the Hells Angels.

01:01:45.000 I can say that name because people know Right.

01:01:48.000 And his job was to deliver the load of B.C. Bud, which he drove down in a U-Haul trailer, to a safe house.

01:02:00.000 And then he'd drive home.

01:02:05.000 And he got ratted out.

01:02:10.000 Someone ratted him out, you know.

01:02:13.000 Could have been one of the angels, too.

01:02:15.000 You never know.

01:02:16.000 Because they control a lot of the borders up in Canada.

01:02:21.000 Anyway, the DEA arrested him in front of the Grauman Theater.

01:02:26.000 Arrested him.

01:02:27.000 Yeah, just him.

01:02:29.000 And they handcuffed him.

01:02:32.000 And they had the big trailer of weed, which he showed me.

01:02:36.000 He showed me the weed.

01:02:38.000 And then he gets taken to jail.

01:02:43.000 And he's in jail, and they won't let him use the phone or anything, and they interrogate him, and they say, where's the safe house?

01:02:50.000 So he gave up the safe house, and then about maybe two hours later, the jailer comes in and says, okay, you can go. 0.99

01:03:00.000 Kicked his ass out of the jail. 0.99

01:03:02.000 They just let him go and took the money. 1.00

01:03:05.000 They let him go.

01:03:06.000 They took the money.

01:03:07.000 Took the weed.

01:03:08.000 They took the money and took the weed and just let him go.

01:03:10.000 And that's one guy.

01:03:12.000 That's one guy.

01:03:13.000 Is that what's going on now?

01:03:15.000 That's what these raids are all about?

01:03:16.000 It's just a money grab?

01:03:17.000 No, no.

01:03:17.000 The raids are for newspapers.

01:03:20.000 It's for the press to let them know so they can get their budget.

01:03:25.000 They can get their billion dollar budget.

01:03:27.000 You know what's disturbing is that the money that could be given to them rightfully through taxes, the money that could be given to the state, is pretty substantial.

01:03:37.000 If they made it legal.

01:03:39.000 Quite substantial.

01:03:40.000 Because people aren't going to really grow it themselves.

01:03:42.000 Some people are.

01:03:43.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:03:43.000 But you don't need to invent a new system.

01:03:47.000 We've got a system in place that's called sales tax.

01:03:50.000 If you open a store, you pay taxes.

01:03:52.000 And that's all you do.

01:03:54.000 If you want to buy a bag of weed, like you buy a bag of flour, it's the same thing. 0.99

01:03:58.000 And you should be able to grow it like you grow fucking tomatoes. 0.99

01:04:00.000 You can grow your own tomatoes. 1.00

01:04:01.000 You should be able to grow your own weed.

01:04:02.000 You can.

01:04:03.000 You can.

01:04:04.000 And the only trouble is, is that...

01:04:07.000 Because of the greed involved.

01:04:09.000 That's why it's still illegal.

01:04:11.000 Because not only the people that the hemp would replace, you know, the forestry, you know, the paper industry.

01:04:22.000 Well, that's the most ridiculous thing is that hemp isn't even psychoactive and it's illegal.

01:04:25.000 Yeah, because of the paper industry and the pharmaceutical industry for the pain relief.

01:04:30.000 There's a show on TV yesterday about the marijuana pain thing, and they can't come up, the pharmaceuticals cannot match pot for what it does.

01:04:40.000 They cannot, and they've tried and tried and tried, they cannot match it.

01:04:44.000 Well, you've got to think that there's plants that we have a symbiotic relationship with.

01:04:48.000 And we know that there's a long, long relationship that people have to eating cannabis.

01:04:53.000 And we know that eating it, where it doesn't even get you high, when you just eat the plant, it doesn't get you high, is incredibly good for you.

01:05:00.000 That's, by the way, the juice.

01:05:03.000 People are juicing leaves for cancer.

01:05:10.000 And the leaves, you don't smoke the leaves anyway, right?

01:05:12.000 I used to.

01:05:14.000 You used to smoke the leaves?

01:05:15.000 But it's not as psychoactive, right?

01:05:17.000 It's not as powerful?

01:05:19.000 There's a thing about sort of like a memory, body memory.

01:05:25.000 It's like smoking a bad joint.

01:05:27.000 We used to joke about it and say this weed was only good for selling to the military.

01:05:34.000 Oh, that's fine.

01:05:35.000 Because then if they got caught, they get tested.

01:05:37.000 There's nothing in their blood.

01:05:39.000 So they would be okay.

01:05:41.000 But no, weed, I don't think it should be taxed other than just decriminalize it.

01:05:47.000 Just leave us alone, you know.

01:05:49.000 And then the economy will blossom.

01:05:52.000 You'd be the guy to answer this.

01:05:53.000 When you hear people say, well, the marijuana of today is not like the marijuana of old.

01:05:57.000 Is that totally true?

01:05:59.000 Or is it... 0.99

01:06:00.000 What I've read is that most of the marijuana back in the day was not as strong as the shit that's today. 1.00

01:06:05.000 But every now and then you get some shit that will blow your mind. 0.99

01:06:08.000 It's just as good as today's. 0.99

01:06:09.000 I'll tell you an analogy that kind of covers it.

01:06:12.000 It's like the 15 foot high diving board.

01:06:15.000 Okay?

01:06:16.000 Okay.

01:06:16.000 When you're a little kid, that's a long way down.

01:06:20.000 Then when you hit a young boy, ah, this is nothing.

01:06:23.000 I can go 30 feet.

01:06:25.000 Then as you get older and older and older, that 15 feet, finally, you're not even walking up the stairs anymore.

01:06:32.000 It's the same as a pot.

01:06:34.000 A pot has not changed.

01:06:36.000 It's impossible to change it.

01:06:37.000 It's as strong back then as it is here.

01:06:41.000 But you can still get wack weed today.

01:06:43.000 Sure, I imagine.

01:06:45.000 I've never had it.

01:06:46.000 You've never had terrible weed?

01:06:48.000 He's had Labrador before.

01:06:52.000 I've had my share of bad stuff.

01:06:54.000 I haven't had bad weed.

01:06:56.000 I think there's a great difference between like really crap weed and really high end weed.

01:07:04.000 How much of it back in the day, like when you were doing those Cheech and Chong movies, how much of it was like high grade?

01:07:10.000 Was it hard to get high grade stuff?

01:07:12.000 Not really.

01:07:13.000 No, the Vietnam War took care of all the high-grade.

01:07:16.000 Really?

01:07:16.000 We were getting Thai stick, Thai weed.

01:07:19.000 And that's like a sativa, right?

01:07:20.000 Oh, a sativa.

01:07:22.000 Yeah, that's the really powerful intellectual weed. 1.00

01:07:25.000 Put you on your butt. 1.00

01:07:27.000 Put you on your ass and make you think about the universe. 1.00

01:07:29.000 But it makes the brain work. 1.00

01:07:31.000 I love the sativa.

01:07:33.000 I mean, it's very creative, all the good weed.

01:07:37.000 That's one of the really unfortunate things about the fact that it's illegal, that most people don't even know what the difference is.

01:07:41.000 They don't even know that an indica is much more of a sleepy, sedative sort of a feeling, much more relaxing, but a sativa is a totally different trip.

01:07:50.000 It's almost like a totally different drug.

01:07:52.000 Mm-hmm.

01:07:53.000 Yeah.

01:07:54.000 It looks the same, it smells similar, but it's a completely different...

01:07:57.000 And figure it out.

01:07:58.000 Figure this out, man.

01:08:00.000 I mean, I've got cancer.

01:08:01.000 You can't get any worse than cancer.

01:08:04.000 Right.

01:08:05.000 And all that weed does for you, it cures, it kills cancer cells.

01:08:11.000 That's amazing.

01:08:13.000 It just blows me away.

01:08:15.000 It's hard to wrap your head around it, really.

01:08:16.000 I mean, it's something that you can bring up every day because it almost makes no sense. 0.92

01:08:20.000 You get repetitive after a while because it's so ridiculous that it's illegal. 0.51

01:08:24.000 When you stop and look at it, it's like, this is a magical plant. 0.91

01:08:28.000 You can eat it.

01:08:29.000 It's really good for you.

01:08:30.000 You smoke it.

01:08:31.000 It gets you high.

01:08:32.000 You can wear it.

01:08:33.000 Yeah, you can wear it.

01:08:34.000 It makes the best cloth ever.

01:08:36.000 You can live underneath it.

01:08:37.000 You can make plywood out of it. 0.99

01:08:38.000 It's fucking waterproof. 0.98

01:08:40.000 It's crazy how good it is. 0.99

01:08:41.000 It's probably the best cellulose plant there is.

01:08:44.000 Yeah, you make plastic out of it.

01:08:46.000 You can make plastic out of it.

01:08:47.000 Healthy plastic.

01:08:49.000 Biodegradable plastic.

01:08:50.000 Plastic bags that don't clog up the planet.

01:08:53.000 Yeah, people don't realize that plastic can be made from plant matter.

01:08:56.000 It can be made from hemp.

01:08:57.000 One of the reasons why hemp was also made illegal was that it was at the same time where DuPont was coming up with a chemical compound for nylon.

01:09:03.000 For nylon, yeah.

01:09:04.000 And most ropes up to that date had been made out of hemp.

01:09:07.000 Hemp is an incredible fiber.

01:09:09.000 Hemp is the best rope.

01:09:11.000 Oh, by the way, do you sell your ropes?

01:09:13.000 Are they hemp? 0.99

01:09:15.000 I don't know what the fuck they are. 0.99

01:09:16.000 You should check it out. 0.99

01:09:17.000 I should.

01:09:17.000 They should be hemp, right?

01:09:18.000 They should be hemp. 1.00

01:09:19.000 We should try to get them hemp. 0.99

01:09:20.000 Because they're a better grip.

01:09:21.000 They're a better grip.

01:09:22.000 Giant ropes from a shipyard.

01:09:23.000 You want to grip leather anyway.

01:09:25.000 The leather's at the end of them.

01:09:26.000 Oh, but I like that.

01:09:28.000 Oh, you like the fiber?

01:09:29.000 The rope feel.

01:09:30.000 Yeah, it doesn't slip out of your hand.

01:09:32.000 It's a great workout.

01:09:32.000 Have you done it?

01:09:33.000 Oh, I do it all the time.

01:09:34.000 Do you do battle ropes?

01:09:35.000 Oh, that's awesome, man.

01:09:36.000 Yeah.

01:09:36.000 Look at that.

01:09:37.000 Yeah.

01:09:37.000 So does my wife, Shelby.

01:09:39.000 Tommy motherfucking Chong throwing down some battle ropes. 0.99

01:09:41.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:09:42.000 Not at all.

01:09:43.000 Big body movements are so important for health and for your body's actual ability to work and move.

01:09:50.000 Well, that was one of the reasons, you know, back in the day when Arnold Schwarzenegger lit up a joint, you know, I said, this is all the proof anybody needs.

01:10:01.000 Here's a guy that's really the best built man in the world.

01:10:06.000 In the world.

01:10:07.000 Period.

01:10:07.000 Seven times.

01:10:09.000 Yeah.

01:10:09.000 Six, seven times.

01:10:11.000 And he's getting high.

01:10:12.000 And here's a guy that he'd spit out something if he thought it had sugar in it or something.

01:10:19.000 He would spit it out if he took a drink or a bite of something.

01:10:23.000 He's so careful about what he puts in his body.

01:10:26.000 No alcohol.

01:10:27.000 Forget all that.

01:10:28.000 But...

01:10:30.000 A joint?

01:10:31.000 Pass it over here, man.

01:10:34.000 Arnold gets high.

01:10:35.000 He must have figured that out when he was young.

01:10:37.000 I wonder when he figured that out.

01:10:38.000 Well, everybody figures it out the same way.

01:10:41.000 Everybody asks me, you know, how did you get turned on to pot?

01:10:47.000 You know, no, what kind of drugs do you take? 0.96

01:10:49.000 And I say, anything given to me by a naked lady. 1.00

01:10:55.000 Awfully.

01:10:55.000 I'd smoked pot only a handful of times in my life, maybe half a dozen, until I was 30. And then when I was 30, a friend of mine got me high, and I had a completely bad perception of the effects of marijuana.

01:11:08.000 I thought it made you lazy.

01:11:09.000 I thought it was just something that sedated you. 1.00

01:11:12.000 I thought it was something that made you slow and stupid. 1.00

01:11:13.000 And I wasn't interested in that. 0.99

01:11:15.000 And even though I had one experience to the contrary, when I was living with my friend Jimmy DiTilio, and he had a friend that was a big pothead, and we all decided to smoke some pot together.

01:11:25.000 I could never smoke pot.

01:11:27.000 I needed a Jimmy.

01:11:27.000 So we got high, and then I'm like, Jesus Christ, man, I've got to drive to a gig.

01:11:31.000 It was like two hours later, still baked out of my fucking head. 0.99

01:11:34.000 And I had never gotten high before. 0.99

01:11:36.000 And you had to do the gig.

01:11:37.000 Yeah, maybe two or three other times in my whole life before then, right?

01:11:41.000 And only usually when I had a couple of drinks in me.

01:11:44.000 So I have to drive and do this gig and I'm shitting my pants.

01:11:47.000 I'm like, I can't do my comedy high.

01:11:49.000 First of all, the audience is going to know I'm high.

01:11:51.000 I was only 21 or 22 and I had the best set I've ever had up to that point.

01:11:59.000 I was like, this is crazy.

01:12:00.000 I've never been so smooth.

01:12:02.000 Relaxed.

01:12:03.000 Yeah, relaxed.

01:12:04.000 Focused on what I'm actually saying.

01:12:05.000 Totally in the moment.

01:12:07.000 Totally in the moment.

01:12:08.000 I was like, that's incredible.

01:12:09.000 And I was like, they can't because of the weed.

01:12:12.000 I was so scared to try it again.

01:12:14.000 I never tried it again.

01:12:15.000 But I remember thinking that, like, wow.

01:12:17.000 I was like, dude, you just got lucky, okay? 1.00

01:12:20.000 If you went on stage an hour earlier, you would have fucking shit all over yourself on there. 1.00

01:12:25.000 Because I was shaky back then. 1.00

01:12:28.000 I wasn't very good.

01:12:29.000 So I would bomb a lot.

01:12:32.000 I would bomb like one out of every five times. 0.66

01:12:34.000 It would not go well.

01:12:35.000 So I was really not looking forward to this not working out while I was high.

01:12:40.000 But it was the best set I had ever had up to that point.

01:12:43.000 It was crazy.

01:12:44.000 Cheech and I, when we first got together, I had an acting group, Topless Bar, with the dancers.

01:12:53.000 I had them acting.

01:12:56.000 Topless actors?

01:12:58.000 Yeah, the girls that would go naked. 1.00

01:13:01.000 I'm thinking of doing one here, but it's a lot of work.

01:13:04.000 What's a lot of work?

01:13:05.000 Dealing with the Topless Girls? 0.99

01:13:06.000 Dealing with anybody.

01:13:10.000 You're doing a podcast, aren't you?

01:13:12.000 I am.

01:13:13.000 Yeah, I'm starting one in September.

01:13:15.000 That's awesome.

01:13:16.000 In fact, you can catch me on at Tommy Chong and Cheech and Chong, all those.

01:13:22.000 Well, let us know when that's taking place and we'll tweet it and pump it up and get everybody to listen in.

01:13:27.000 I think that's awesome.

01:13:28.000 What was I saying?

01:13:29.000 I forgot.

01:13:30.000 I forgot too.

01:13:31.000 I forgot.

01:13:33.000 We were talking about bodybuilders, smoking marijuana.

01:13:39.000 It's obviously not bad for you.

01:13:43.000 We were basically the company points that we're supposed to be... 0.99

01:13:46.000 Did you hear this Dr. Drew shit, man? 0.99

01:13:48.000 Dr. Drew got caught. 0.99

01:13:49.000 The pharmaceutical company had paid him to encourage use of certain antidepressants as a out of...

01:13:59.000 He got caught?

01:13:59.000 Yeah, he got caught.

01:14:00.000 They gave him $270-something thousand dollars.

01:14:04.000 And he was supposed to talk about the talking points of the positive sexual side effects of Wellbutrin.

01:14:14.000 Because, like, a girl would call up and say she just changed her pills to Welputrin, and now she's having, like, 10 orgasms a day, and Dr. Drew, like, telling that that is one of the possible symptoms.

01:14:29.000 And, like, he's like, he actually said the talking points.

01:14:31.000 How did he get busted?

01:14:32.000 I guess the company just lost a big lawsuit.

01:14:36.000 They just lost, they got a $3 billion-something-dollar judgment against them.

01:14:42.000 So, in the process of that, they had to release their paperwork.

01:14:48.000 And in releasing their paperwork, apparently Dr. Drew was a recipient of more than a quarter million dollars from them.

01:14:55.000 It's scary, man.

01:14:56.000 I like Dr. Drew, man.

01:14:58.000 That guy needs a joint. 0.99

01:15:00.000 You know, you get a little crazy.

01:15:02.000 He's uptight. 1.00

01:15:03.000 He's way uptight and ridiculous. 1.00

01:15:05.000 And he's got a lot of tics. 0.99

01:15:06.000 You notice those tics.

01:15:07.000 Do you know him personally?

01:15:07.000 Yeah, yeah, I know him.

01:15:08.000 I like him.

01:15:09.000 I like him a lot.

01:15:10.000 I've done his radio show a couple times.

01:15:13.000 I like him a lot. 0.99

01:15:13.000 But he gets silly. 0.99

01:15:15.000 He said to me, he said to me, he's having trouble with an ex-chapper. 0.97

01:15:19.000 I said, what kind of trouble?

01:15:21.000 He said, well, he's accusing me of sexual harassment.

01:15:24.000 I said, get a lawyer.

01:15:27.000 Dr. Drew.

01:15:28.000 So then Cheech and I were on the show, and Dr. Drew said to me, I took your advice, Tom.

01:15:35.000 I got a lawyer.

01:15:36.000 And Cheech looked at me like, what's going on here?

01:15:40.000 Fill me in.

01:15:41.000 We never did fill him in.

01:15:42.000 That's funny.

01:15:43.000 I hate to hear that, man.

01:15:45.000 But see, that's the American way.

01:15:47.000 Well, it's also, guess what?

01:15:49.000 Everybody needs something to put them in check. 0.99

01:15:52.000 If you're not doing yoga and meditating and taking some time to yourself, you're going to get caught up in one way or the other, the wrong fucking path. 0.98

01:16:02.000 Somehow or another, you're going to trip up. 1.00

01:16:04.000 When you're Captain Clean out there, wearing a fucking tie every day and pretending you do no evil, that shit, by the way, is going to chew at the back of your brain. 1.00

01:16:12.000 You've committed yourself to this crazy, unreal life where you're not going to get fucked up. 1.00

01:16:18.000 You can't do shots with your friends. 1.00

01:16:20.000 You can't go to a strip club and go, oh shit, you can't do that. 1.00

01:16:23.000 You're not allowed to. 1.00

01:16:24.000 You're not an honest human.

01:16:27.000 You're a creation. 1.00

01:16:30.000 Phony friends. 1.00

01:16:31.000 And he needs a little fucking, everybody needs a little humbling, like a natural humbling. 1.00

01:16:35.000 That's what marijuana does to you. 1.00

01:16:36.000 It's a little natural humbling.

01:16:38.000 Is that going to take him off his show, do you think?

01:16:39.000 I don't know.

01:16:40.000 I mean, hopefully he'll be acquitted.

01:16:41.000 I like him.

01:16:42.000 I hope he didn't do it.

01:16:43.000 I hope it's not true.

01:16:44.000 I hope if it is true, it makes sense.

01:16:47.000 Is there charges?

01:16:47.000 Yeah, I believe they're investigating it.

01:16:50.000 I don't know the full extent of it.

01:16:52.000 It's just been in the news lately.

01:16:53.000 But like I said, I like Dr. Drew.

01:16:55.000 He's not a bad guy.

01:16:56.000 Me too.

01:16:56.000 It's just that these people, they have this idea that they're protecting people from something.

01:16:59.000 Here's the stance.

01:17:00.000 It's not just, well, I'm fine with that.

01:17:03.000 If you want to smoke pot, that's what he always says.

01:17:05.000 I'm fine with that.

01:17:05.000 If you want to get high, go get high.

01:17:07.000 This is what I'm saying. 1.00

01:17:09.000 It can change your fucking life, and for the better. 1.00

01:17:12.000 It can make you a warmer, more compassionate person. 1.00

01:17:15.000 It makes you closer to your friends and your loved ones.

01:17:18.000 It makes you appreciate your dog more.

01:17:20.000 It makes food taste better.

01:17:22.000 It makes sex feel better. 1.00

01:17:23.000 This is ridiculous. 0.99

01:17:25.000 The idea that you would just poo-poo it and say, well, if you want to go get high. 0.99

01:17:28.000 It's not that, man.

01:17:30.000 It's something that can enhance you.

01:17:32.000 But you see what he's doing.

01:17:33.000 He's got one foot on the boat, one foot on the shore, and there's a liquor...

01:17:38.000 And he's trying to be a celebrity at the same time.

01:17:40.000 Yeah, there's a liquor...

01:17:42.000 What do you call it?

01:17:47.000 Civilization.

01:17:48.000 We're coming out of it.

01:17:49.000 We're coming out of the alcohol civilization.

01:17:52.000 You think so?

01:17:52.000 We're coming out of it, yeah.

01:17:54.000 You think it's ever possible to get out of it?

01:17:55.000 It's fun.

01:17:56.000 People like to get drunk.

01:17:57.000 Oh, they like to do shots and everything else.

01:17:59.000 But you look at the movie Ted, and the biggest laugh and the biggest thing was when the little teddy bear was doing a big bong hit.

01:18:09.000 That is one thing that is most certainly changing.

01:18:12.000 It's becoming more acceptable.

01:18:13.000 When you were doing those albums, did you guys get hassled by cops?

01:18:18.000 Did it ever become a factor in your life?

01:18:21.000 We got one hassle.

01:18:22.000 We got arrested in Tampa, Florida.

01:18:25.000 That was where Jim Morrison got arrested for showing his wiener.

01:18:31.000 Janis Joplin got arrested there.

01:18:33.000 Wasn't Cheech's dad a cop?

01:18:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:37.000 And so we were doing our show and we just did our regular show but we didn't know there was a $5,000 performance bond posted and that if the cops were called in for any reason The promoter would lose a $5,000 bond.

01:18:55.000 And so at the end of the show, we were doing a bit called The Dogs where Cheech and I were running around our hands and knees.

01:19:01.000 And Cheech walked over to a cop and he picked up his hat.

01:19:04.000 The cop was facing out to the audience in case the audience would riot or something.

01:19:11.000 I don't know.

01:19:13.000 And that's all he did.

01:19:14.000 And the cops said, that's it.

01:19:17.000 We're arresting Cheech and Chong.

01:19:18.000 And they arrested us.

01:19:19.000 And took us to jail and gave us some mug shots.

01:19:23.000 Good mug shots.

01:19:23.000 You like them?

01:19:24.000 Did you use them for anything?

01:19:25.000 Like t-shirts?

01:19:26.000 I think they're on the t-shirts now.

01:19:27.000 Yeah.

01:19:29.000 They're really good mug shots.

01:19:30.000 It shows two guys.

01:19:32.000 But Cheech was funny, man.

01:19:33.000 Because we're in this cell.

01:19:34.000 First of all, we're Cheech and Chong.

01:19:36.000 We just got off the stage.

01:19:37.000 5,000 people, you know, going crazy.

01:19:40.000 Next thing you know, we're being herded into a holding cell.

01:19:44.000 And it was weird.

01:19:45.000 It was like going to the green room, only it's a holding cell.

01:19:49.000 And there's all the drunks and everybody.

01:19:51.000 There's one old Chicano guy there, you know, and he asked Cheech in Spanish, you know, what are you in here for? 0.74

01:19:57.000 And Cheech, you know, he didn't want to say, you know, we're lifting a cop's hat with his teeth.

01:20:01.000 So he said, drugs, man. 0.87

01:20:05.000 And so the old Chicano and Spanish goes, oh, tell him a black guy sent it to you. 0.98

01:20:11.000 Tell him a black guy gave it to you. 0.95

01:20:13.000 That was his thing. 0.99

01:20:15.000 And so then the cop would come by, you know, big, big white, like a stormtrooper kind of cop would walk by, and he didn't give a shit who we were. 0.98

01:20:26.000 And then there's the old picture. 0.98

01:20:31.000 And then Cheech and I... We're not sitting down because we think we're going to get out of jail real quick.

01:20:40.000 But then a lot of time went by and pretty soon I'm not only sitting, but I'm looking for a pillow because I'm tired.

01:20:48.000 And Cheech is still standing around.

01:20:50.000 And then the cop walks over and he says to Cheech, did you come with me?

01:20:56.000 And Gigi goes, my dad's a cop.

01:20:58.000 Did I tell you?

01:21:00.000 Yeah, my dad's a LAPD. Yeah, I've been 30 years, you know, 20 years.

01:21:05.000 It was funny.

01:21:07.000 I laughed.

01:21:07.000 That's funny.

01:21:08.000 They separated us.

01:21:09.000 And then, a few hours later, we went and that's what we looked like.

01:21:15.000 Is that a trip?

01:21:16.000 Look, folks who are listening to this on iTunes, we're looking at a video of Cheech and Chung that looks like from the 60s, right?

01:21:21.000 It's 1974. Wow, it's all black and white.

01:21:25.000 Wow, 74. They didn't have color TV in 74?

01:21:28.000 Yeah, you guys actually have a really good website, chichinchongfans.com, which just is updated all the time, which I really like.

01:21:35.000 And they posted this recently on there, and there's a lot of different interviews and videos on there.

01:21:42.000 Oh, chichinchongfans. 1.00

01:21:44.000 Yeah.

01:21:45.000 Oh, I love that.

01:21:46.000 That's very cool.

01:21:47.000 Isn't that one of the coolest things about the internet?

01:21:50.000 Is it fan-created stuff that they make for you?

01:21:52.000 Does that still blow you away?

01:21:53.000 We've taken over the world, man.

01:21:55.000 We've literally, you know, starting with Egypt, Libya, you know, the internet has taken over the world.

01:22:03.000 The internet is a fascinating thing, isn't it?

01:22:05.000 Yeah.

01:22:05.000 Look at this!

01:22:06.000 Yeah, look at this, yeah.

01:22:07.000 Don't you love, like, the fan-generated stuff that they make for you?

01:22:10.000 Yeah!

01:22:11.000 Things like people that put up websites like chichanchongfans.com.

01:22:14.000 Isn't that amazing?

01:22:15.000 Now that you mentioned it, I got you a present here.

01:22:18.000 These are...

01:22:20.000 Not-a-pipes.

01:22:21.000 Not-a-pipes?

01:22:22.000 Not-a-pipes.

01:22:23.000 What does that mean?

01:22:23.000 They're necklace.

01:22:24.000 They're not a pipe.

01:22:25.000 You don't pull the string out.

01:22:26.000 Oh, it's not a pipe.

01:22:27.000 You don't pull the string out.

01:22:29.000 I thought it was like a type of pipe.

01:22:31.000 Yeah, it's not a pipe.

01:22:32.000 You don't pull the string out.

01:22:34.000 You don't put the substance in this part here.

01:22:36.000 Okay, you don't do that.

01:22:37.000 And you don't light it.

01:22:38.000 You don't light it.

01:22:39.000 And you don't smoke out of it.

01:22:40.000 Smoke out of the sand.

01:22:41.000 Okay, you don't do that.

01:22:42.000 Because it's not a pipe.

01:22:43.000 It's not a pipe.

01:22:44.000 It's a necklace.

01:22:45.000 I got it.

01:22:46.000 That's awesome.

01:22:47.000 It's not a pipe.

01:22:47.000 And it's yours, Joe.

01:22:48.000 I'll bring you one, man.

01:22:49.000 Oh, thank you, man.

01:22:50.000 I didn't...

01:22:50.000 Thanks.

01:22:51.000 There's going to be an extra...

01:22:52.000 What animal had to give up its life so I could have this not a pipe?

01:22:56.000 What is that?

01:22:57.000 Actually, it's just a piece of...

01:22:59.000 Antler?

01:23:00.000 Driftwood, I found.

01:23:01.000 Oh, it's driftwood.

01:23:02.000 Root, actually.

01:23:03.000 It's off the beach.

01:23:04.000 Oh, really?

01:23:05.000 Vancouver.

01:23:05.000 Oh, so I don't have to feel bad.

01:23:07.000 That wasn't like a little...

01:23:08.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:23:08.000 ...deer that got shot in the head.

01:23:10.000 You got to give me like a Ted Nugent pipe.

01:23:12.000 It might be a piece of wood from the tsunami.

01:23:14.000 I don't know.

01:23:15.000 Is it...

01:23:16.000 It might be.

01:23:17.000 It could be someone's house.

01:23:18.000 It might be. 1.00

01:23:19.000 Shit. 1.00

01:23:19.000 Piece of, probably some kid's toy. 1.00

01:23:22.000 It's floating around.

01:23:24.000 No, it's just a...

01:23:24.000 It's from a center cut of a root.

01:23:28.000 Awesome, man.

01:23:29.000 Thank you very much, brother.

01:23:30.000 You're welcome.

01:23:31.000 I appreciate it.

01:23:31.000 It's so cool.

01:23:32.000 Thank you very much, man.

01:23:33.000 When is the Cheech and Chong movie coming out?

01:23:36.000 I know you had like this animated movie that was...

01:23:38.000 It's done.

01:23:39.000 It's all finished.

01:23:40.000 It's in the can.

01:23:42.000 And now they're just figuring out a...

01:23:45.000 Release strategy.

01:23:46.000 It's an animated movie?

01:23:48.000 Yep.

01:23:48.000 They animated our old bits.

01:23:51.000 That's awesome.

01:23:52.000 Wow.

01:23:53.000 It seems like such a good idea, especially since you do so much work on The Simpsons and things like that.

01:23:59.000 It's a natural.

01:24:00.000 I mean, it's a natural way to go, too.

01:24:02.000 Imagine Cheech and Chong just doing voiceover work.

01:24:07.000 No more road.

01:24:09.000 Do you like doing the road every now and then, or is it just too much?

01:24:12.000 It's getting too much.

01:24:14.000 It's getting too much.

01:24:16.000 Is that what you've been doing lately?

01:24:17.000 Yeah.

01:24:17.000 Just doing shows?

01:24:18.000 Just once in a while.

01:24:19.000 Just once in a while.

01:24:19.000 Shelby and I, my wife and I go out.

01:24:22.000 We went to Denver last month or two months ago.

01:24:26.000 And before that, Cheech and I and Shelby.

01:24:29.000 Well, when you guys got back together again, that was a pretty big resurgence.

01:24:32.000 Oh, big time.

01:24:33.000 Two years, three years.

01:24:34.000 Three years ago?

01:24:35.000 Three years it's been going on.

01:24:36.000 Three years.

01:24:37.000 And we made a couple million, you know.

01:24:39.000 I remember when you guys announced that you were going to do that.

01:24:42.000 You guys had made up, and you finally got back together again. 0.99

01:24:45.000 I was like, holy shit, wow. 0.98

01:24:46.000 We had made up before. 0.99

01:24:48.000 Before I went to jail, we were working on a movie.

01:24:51.000 Oh, really?

01:24:52.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:24:53.000 And then I went to jail.

01:24:54.000 In fact, we kept working on it with Larry Charles, but a new line pulled out of me. 0.94

01:24:59.000 For people that don't know, your story of how you got arrested and wound up doing time is one of the most fucked up stories that sort of, in my eyes... 0.97

01:25:07.000 That epitomizes the insanity of the Bush administration. 0.99

01:25:10.000 John Ashcroft guy was insane. 0.74

01:25:14.000 And most people don't know this.

01:25:16.000 But if you look online, John Ashcroft singing, have you ever seen him sing?

01:25:20.000 When the eagle soars, like she's never soared before. 0.94

01:25:27.000 Completely batshit crazy. 0.97

01:25:28.000 Oh, and he covers up the titties, the cement titties? 0.99

01:25:30.000 Yeah, cement titties. 1.00

01:25:31.000 He made them cover up statues for the first time in the history of that great building.

01:25:37.000 And so people wonder, why weren't you afraid of this guy? 0.96

01:25:40.000 Because he's a nutcase, you know? 0.99

01:25:41.000 He was completely bonkers. 0.99

01:25:43.000 It wasn't my company.

01:25:44.000 Somebody sent me an album.

01:25:46.000 Some dude from the internet.

01:25:49.000 Whoever you are, dude.

01:25:50.000 I just want to thank you.

01:25:51.000 Thank you so much.

01:25:52.000 I totally don't even remember who the guy was. 0.98

01:25:54.000 But he sent me a fucking album. 0.99

01:25:56.000 It was an album of John Ashcroft and another guy singing gospel songs. 1.00

01:26:01.000 And they were just one more horrific and horrifying than the next. 1.00

01:26:06.000 The more you listened to them, the more you thought of him sweaty and black socks, fucking little boys. 1.00

01:26:12.000 There's something going on. 1.00

01:26:14.000 There's a darkness on the other side of this fucking coin. 1.00

01:26:17.000 This is not coming from a healthy person. 1.00

01:26:19.000 This is a crazy form of art you're trying to sell me on.

01:26:22.000 I like it when they went to his hospital bed when he was sick or something and trying to get him to sign.

01:26:28.000 What was it?

01:26:29.000 What were they trying to get him to sign?

01:26:30.000 A confession or something?

01:26:30.000 No, I think it was okay torture or something.

01:26:34.000 Oh, Ashcroft?

01:26:35.000 Yeah, Ashcroft was the attorney general.

01:26:37.000 He wouldn't do it.

01:26:38.000 He wouldn't do it.

01:26:39.000 I'm not signing that. 1.00

01:26:41.000 He was a crazy man. 0.97

01:26:42.000 How about the lady that put me away, Mary Beth Buchanan? 0.99

01:26:47.000 What was her deal?

01:26:48.000 She was a cheerleader in a little town in Pennsylvania where the 9-11 plane went down.

01:26:55.000 Yes.

01:26:55.000 And because she was a prosecutor there, that gave her prominence.

01:26:59.000 And they made her the chief of the prosecution.

01:27:04.000 Oh my goodness.

01:27:05.000 Yeah, she was like the chief prosecutor.

01:27:07.000 And the first thing she did was went after the bomb companies and Tommy Chong.

01:27:13.000 And by the way, you weren't even selling the bongs.

01:27:15.000 Your son was selling them.

01:27:16.000 He was making them and selling them, yeah.

01:27:18.000 And you didn't even have anything to do with it.

01:27:19.000 Well, I'd sign them.

01:27:20.000 You'd sign them.

01:27:21.000 I'd sign them.

01:27:21.000 So that was your job, and they went after you.

01:27:24.000 They went after me.

01:27:25.000 Well, what they did, they went after the company, which was very, very funny.

01:27:29.000 We got that documentary called A.K.A. Tommy Chong.

01:27:32.000 I don't know about it.

01:27:33.000 Yeah, they tried to, they entrapped us.

01:27:36.000 They tried to get us to send the stuff to their place, and we wouldn't do it.

01:27:40.000 And finally sent an undercover guy into our company, and then next thing you know, I'm arrested for bongs. 0.99

01:27:49.000 Wow. 0.98

01:27:50.000 But I'd melt the shit out of it for a while. 0.98

01:27:54.000 It's true, right? 0.99

01:27:55.000 That really gave you a nice boost once you got out of the pokey.

01:27:58.000 Wow, I was still doing material.

01:28:01.000 And I bring it up in conversations too.

01:28:05.000 When I was in jail, one time I was with two judges.

01:28:10.000 Two judges at a dinner party.

01:28:12.000 And we got to talking and the next thing you know I'm telling them about jail. 1.00

01:28:17.000 And they're kind of giving me that, oh, shit look. 0.99

01:28:20.000 Like they shouldn't be talking to me right now? 1.00

01:28:22.000 I shouldn't be listening to this.

01:28:23.000 Every now and then I'll talk to a square dude about getting high.

01:28:26.000 You know, and you see the look in their face, looking for the exit.

01:28:29.000 Yeah, well, okay, if you want to do it, that's what you're into.

01:28:33.000 You know, I like, I'm straight edge.

01:28:35.000 Yeah, I like my scotch, or I like my gin, or I like my water.

01:28:39.000 I don't mind a little boozing, but I don't smoke dope.

01:28:42.000 These judges are cool.

01:28:43.000 We're friends with them.

01:28:47.000 It's very good to have a judge for a friend.

01:28:50.000 Can you help me?

01:28:53.000 I got all kinds of friends.

01:28:55.000 You must.

01:28:57.000 There's a whole set of different people. 0.95

01:29:00.000 You're known as being an outlaw, but it's the silliest law of all time. 0.94

01:29:04.000 I'm kind of like a stoner Paris Hilton. 0.95

01:29:09.000 Where they like to have me at a party.

01:29:12.000 Everybody, we have Tommy Chong here.

01:29:15.000 We can all get high now.

01:29:17.000 And he's not wearing underwear.

01:29:19.000 Is it annoying how many people want to get high with you?

01:29:22.000 Well, it keeps me from going to places.

01:29:25.000 I'd like to do the Playboy Mansion pot thing every year, but I can't do it, man.

01:29:31.000 Too many fans.

01:29:32.000 Too many people want to get high with you? 0.60

01:29:33.000 Oh, they want to take pictures and lie and tell me stories.

01:29:37.000 Just swarm on you.

01:29:38.000 And be on their podcast, you know.

01:29:40.000 Yeah, like that's how you're here, man.

01:29:45.000 It's fun being Tommy John.

01:29:47.000 Do you smoke pot with strangers?

01:29:49.000 No.

01:29:49.000 No, me neither.

01:29:51.000 No.

01:29:51.000 If I don't know people, it's too much risk.

01:29:54.000 Sorry.

01:29:55.000 I tell people I quit smoking pot.

01:29:57.000 Really?

01:29:57.000 And I usually don't...

01:29:59.000 I have to really know where the source of the weed is from before.

01:30:03.000 I'll accept it.

01:30:05.000 Then I'll give it to friends of mine. 1.00

01:30:07.000 Tell them, this is where I got this shit. 1.00

01:30:08.000 It's exactly what I do. 0.99

01:30:12.000 There's certain people that I get high with that I know, but it's unfortunate.

01:30:15.000 I know one guy that definitely came up to me that was a cop in Cleveland.

01:30:20.000 I'm positive.

01:30:21.000 I just knew something was going on.

01:30:23.000 You know, he was asking me where I could get DMT. And the way he was asked, he had a crew cut on, he looked like he trained, he did MMA, and I'm looking at this dude and I'm like, you want what?

01:30:33.000 Strange guy that looks like a cop asking me where to get illegal drugs? 0.99

01:30:36.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:30:38.000 I once had two cops work their ass off for me. 1.00

01:30:41.000 It was funny.

01:30:43.000 I had a nightclub in Canada, where Cheech and I met.

01:30:47.000 And then I had two nightclubs, and then one got closed down and so on.

01:30:50.000 They sold the building, so then I moved.

01:30:52.000 I had a back room, you know, so I was fixing up a back room to take over the other club.

01:30:59.000 Next thing I know, I got two, a man and a girl with headbands.

01:31:05.000 They come up the stairs and they're like, they're not hippies by no means.

01:31:10.000 The headbands look like a costume, look like they're going trick-or-treating.

01:31:14.000 They're like, this is how they dress.

01:31:17.000 We need this to fit in.

01:31:18.000 So he said, so what's going on up here?

01:31:20.000 I said, I'm just putting a club together.

01:31:22.000 He said, need some help?

01:31:23.000 I said, yeah, actually I do.

01:31:26.000 And so, okay.

01:31:27.000 So they're helping, you know.

01:31:29.000 What were you thinking this time?

01:31:30.000 I'm looking at them thinking, well, I could use the help.

01:31:32.000 Who knows?

01:31:35.000 I'm not going to pay them anything, you know.

01:31:37.000 Maybe let them in the club later.

01:31:38.000 Right.

01:31:38.000 Free, you know.

01:31:39.000 So they're moving tables and washing floors.

01:31:42.000 Wow, it's so weird.

01:31:43.000 They just show up and start working.

01:31:45.000 Yeah, and they're working, and good workers too.

01:31:48.000 The more I look at them, the more I say, these aren't hippies.

01:31:52.000 Because hippies will hide behind a wall to see if they're working. 1.00

01:31:57.000 Okay, I'm out of here.

01:31:59.000 So they worked, and then we had a little break.

01:32:01.000 We're sitting around talking.

01:32:03.000 So I said, where are you from?

01:32:06.000 Oh, they're from Saskatchewan.

01:32:08.000 Been out here long?

01:32:09.000 Oh, a couple of days.

01:32:11.000 So, um, so, um, have you ever got high?

01:32:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get high all the time.

01:32:17.000 I said, well, ever done acid?

01:32:19.000 They said, yeah, oh, yeah, I love acid, yeah.

01:32:21.000 I said, well, tell me about your first acid trip.

01:32:24.000 The guy goes, I don't remember.

01:32:29.000 He said, I said, just a minute.

01:32:31.000 I gotta go to the bathroom.

01:32:32.000 I went to the bathroom.

01:32:33.000 I did a little dance.

01:32:34.000 They're cops!

01:32:35.000 They're cops! 1.00

01:32:36.000 They're fucking cops! 1.00

01:32:38.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:32:38.000 And so I went back. 1.00

01:32:39.000 I said, well, let's get to work.

01:32:40.000 We got a lot of work to do here.

01:32:42.000 So you just put them to work.

01:32:44.000 Say, scrub the floor, man.

01:32:46.000 I had them. 0.99

01:32:48.000 They were fucking, their headbands were soaking wet with sweat, man. 1.00

01:32:52.000 They were just, I worked their ass off. 0.99

01:32:55.000 And then I got on the phone, I phoned everybody I knew, you know, because we used to sell, the door lady used to sell weed right at the door.

01:33:03.000 That's the kind of club it was.

01:33:05.000 So then the club filled up, and they stayed the whole time.

01:33:09.000 They didn't go home and change or anything.

01:33:10.000 They got their little headbands on.

01:33:12.000 Or did they change?

01:33:13.000 No, I think they did change.

01:33:15.000 They went home.

01:33:16.000 They said, okay, we'll see you back later.

01:33:17.000 And then they come sat together and they looked like recruits.

01:33:21.000 They looked like recruits.

01:33:22.000 I mean, they were so, so, so out of place.

01:33:24.000 And I told everybody, everybody would walk by them like they were on display.

01:33:29.000 They just walked by, look at the cops, look at that, and walked by.

01:33:32.000 That is hilarious.

01:33:34.000 So everybody kept an eye on them, and if you wanted to smoke weed, you just made sure you knew where the cops were?

01:33:38.000 Yeah, yeah, well, first of all, you don't do anything, you know, they're cops, so no one does anything.

01:33:43.000 So no one did anything, everybody just stayed clear.

01:33:45.000 And the lady, you know, all of a sudden, it was the cleanest club in town. 0.59

01:33:50.000 Ah!

01:33:51.000 So now, at the end, did you ever let them know that you knew there were cops?

01:33:54.000 Oh no.

01:33:54.000 No, no.

01:33:55.000 No, no.

01:33:56.000 Don't give that up.

01:33:57.000 How'd you end the night?

01:33:58.000 Well, they just left.

01:33:59.000 They just left.

01:34:00.000 They couldn't make a connection, and they knew they got spotted. 1.00

01:34:03.000 You know, I'm cool, and a few people are cool, but there's a lot of people that, hey, they're fucking cops, man. 0.98

01:34:09.000 Oh, you imagine how paranoid they would have been if you got them high? 0.99

01:34:13.000 Oh.

01:34:13.000 Oh my goodness.

01:34:15.000 Oh my goodness.

01:34:16.000 I never thought of that.

01:34:17.000 I'm kind of glad, though, because I didn't want to get arrested.

01:34:21.000 Yeah, but what if you made them smoke weed first? 0.87

01:34:24.000 What if you said something like, listen, man, I got this thing.

01:34:26.000 I wonder what they would do.

01:34:26.000 Like, I don't know you, so if I don't know you, you got to smoke the weed first.

01:34:30.000 And then the guy smokes weed, and you're like, I'll smoke the weed later, but you got to smoke the weed first.

01:34:34.000 Can you imagine what that would be like?

01:34:36.000 Yeah, you get them high? 1.00

01:34:37.000 Get them high as fuck. 1.00

01:34:38.000 Especially if they don't get high. 1.00

01:34:39.000 But they didn't test guys' blood and shit back then, did they? 0.99

01:34:43.000 No, they didn't know how to. 0.99

01:34:44.000 Now they test people who work at UPS. I was in jail with a bunch of UPS guys.

01:34:52.000 They got caught?

01:34:54.000 Selling weed?

01:34:55.000 They were the Jamaican connection.

01:34:56.000 Oh, they were bringing it over from Jamaica? 0.91

01:34:58.000 All black guys, all black guys. 1.00

01:34:59.000 And they're all UPS. Yeah, FedEx and UPS, yeah. 0.95

01:35:03.000 Why else would you want to work so hard for UPS? They had a whole connection.

01:35:08.000 That's what I'm saying, you know. 1.00

01:35:09.000 That's why, you know, just legalize this shit. 1.00

01:35:11.000 We can figure out how to grow it, pack it, move it. 1.00

01:35:15.000 Well, we're suppressed, and we're just accepting the fact that we're suppressed.

01:35:19.000 It's people, they don't realize how much of a suppression it really is.

01:35:24.000 Welcome to the slave.

01:35:25.000 Yeah.

01:35:25.000 A world of color.

01:35:29.000 Because that's exactly what pot really turned everybody into. 0.94

01:35:32.000 We got turned into people of color, like Mexicans and blacks. 0.99

01:35:37.000 That's why they called it marijuana.

01:35:39.000 They never said, oh, they're smuggling hemp across the border.

01:35:42.000 Right.

01:35:43.000 They named it...

01:35:44.000 It was a wild Mexican tobacco, right?

01:35:46.000 Wasn't it?

01:35:47.000 No, marijuana is just slang for a pot.

01:35:49.000 That's all.

01:35:49.000 I thought it was originally slang for a wild Mexican tobacco.

01:35:53.000 It could be.

01:35:54.000 Yeah, that's what I thought it was. 0.97

01:35:55.000 But that could be horseshit, too. 0.95

01:35:56.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:35:56.000 Could be. 0.98

01:35:57.000 But that was one of the ways William Randolph Hearst had actually made it illegal, was telling people that Mexicans and blacks were taken.

01:36:03.000 You're not making this up, but there were actually stories in the newspaper, in the Hearst publications, that said there's a new drug, it's called marijuana, and these... 1.00

01:36:11.000 Mexicans and blacks are taking it and they're fucking all the white women. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Makes them horny for white women. 1.00

01:36:16.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:36:17.000 They use the same argument with heroin. 1.00

01:36:19.000 Really?

01:36:20.000 And cocaine.

01:36:22.000 Except the cocaine and heroin was also the Chinese opium.

01:36:27.000 See, they've just made a faulty connection, but their logic is sound. 1.00

01:36:31.000 At the bottom end of it is everybody wants to fuck white women. 1.00

01:36:34.000 So they just attributed everybody wanting to fuck white women to all sorts of shit. 1.00

01:36:38.000 Vitamin C makes you want to fuck white women. 1.00

01:36:40.000 Look, they're eating oranges and fucking these girls. 1.00

01:36:42.000 That was my line for years, you know, because when I was a musician, I ended up in a black band. 1.00

01:36:48.000 Right.

01:36:49.000 And I played for Motown, wrote songs, and I tell people on stage, I got so black, I ended up marrying a white woman.

01:36:59.000 Was that where marijuana was most prominent in the early days?

01:37:03.000 Was it in the jazz culture?

01:37:05.000 The jazz.

01:37:05.000 Reaper.

01:37:06.000 How about a stick?

01:37:08.000 A T. How would they get that?

01:37:09.000 A stick of T. How would they get that?

01:37:13.000 Puerto Ricans, probably.

01:37:14.000 I don't know.

01:37:16.000 Mexico.

01:37:17.000 I mean, if you're in L.A., Any Chicano on the street corner would sell you anything. 1.00

01:37:22.000 You could get a pound for ten dollars or two dollars.

01:37:27.000 Really?

01:37:27.000 Yeah.

01:37:28.000 A lot of it would be dirt.

01:37:32.000 Put some rocks in there?

01:37:34.000 No, they do everything.

01:37:36.000 Back in the day.

01:37:37.000 And then the dealers or the guys would break it down and roll little pinners, little tiny joints and sell them for a buck apiece.

01:37:47.000 Wow.

01:37:47.000 And they barely got you high, right?

01:37:49.000 Just nice.

01:37:50.000 Just nice.

01:37:50.000 Especially if you're a musician, you know.

01:37:52.000 You don't want to be incoherent, you know.

01:37:55.000 Take a couple of hits, oh, just get that edge, you know, and then boom.

01:38:00.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:38:01.000 You can definitely go too deep, though.

01:38:03.000 Yeah, and isn't it funny?

01:38:05.000 I've never heard heroin addicts say that.

01:38:09.000 I've never heard cocaine addicts say that.

01:38:11.000 Oh, man.

01:38:12.000 Heroin addicts.

01:38:12.000 You ever talk to someone who's in the middle of heroin and they just love it?

01:38:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:16.000 They just love it?

01:38:17.000 It's a weird feeling to think that there's something that can make you feel so good, but it's so bad for you.

01:38:22.000 Well, what it is, this is my definition of a heroin high.

01:38:29.000 It's really, you've died.

01:38:32.000 That's the feeling of death.

01:38:33.000 You've had it?

01:38:34.000 No.

01:38:35.000 This is what I think it is.

01:38:38.000 This is why they go back to it all the time.

01:38:41.000 Because for that few seconds, because basically it is.

01:38:45.000 It gets less and less as you get older.

01:38:48.000 As your body becomes immune to it.

01:38:51.000 Then it becomes, what do they call it, chasing the dragon?

01:38:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:54.000 Well, you never get it.

01:38:55.000 You never get enough.

01:38:56.000 You never get enough.

01:38:57.000 But that first time.

01:38:58.000 But the first time, that warmness that comes over you, it's that feeling.

01:39:03.000 To me, it's the feeling of what Michael Jackson was looking for.

01:39:07.000 He was looking for that feeling.

01:39:09.000 Right.

01:39:09.000 You know, and that's what heroin addicts want.

01:39:11.000 They want that peaceful, calm, gentle, sweet, whoa, everything makes sense, you know, the notes are so big you can just touch them and, you know, and that's what, and when you're making love, oh, I mean, there's, there's, what do you call it, ecstasy, after ecstasy, it just goes on and on and on.

01:39:31.000 But the second or third time your body starts You need more and more and more.

01:39:39.000 In other words, your body shuts down.

01:39:40.000 It is a poison.

01:39:42.000 It really is a poison.

01:39:44.000 What a weird poison.

01:39:45.000 It wants to get into your system and in return it gives you unbelievable feelings of love as it breaks your body down.

01:39:51.000 Is it that or is it just that it stimulates these unbelievable feelings of love and they force your body to do things that are totally unnatural because of these chemicals in the system?

01:40:00.000 And then the downside is you crash hard afterwards and you need it again to balance out.

01:40:05.000 The downside is you get sick.

01:40:06.000 You literally get sick.

01:40:07.000 You get cramps.

01:40:08.000 You throw up.

01:40:10.000 You get nauseous.

01:40:12.000 Your body is going through all kinds of changes.

01:40:15.000 I had a friend that came to visit me in LA and I didn't know it at the time but when he came here he was trying to kick it.

01:40:21.000 So as he got to my house, he was sick for like a whole week.

01:40:24.000 The dude never got out of bed, just laid around all day.

01:40:27.000 He had the flu.

01:40:28.000 Yeah.

01:40:28.000 Wouldn't tell me what was wrong with him, but I mean, that's what he did.

01:40:30.000 That's how he kicked it.

01:40:31.000 It was a terrible thing to watch, right?

01:40:34.000 In jail, more people with Oxycontin.

01:40:38.000 The whole jail was filled with them. 1.00

01:40:41.000 I got gout when I was in jail, so they give you this Purinol, some kind of shit for it. 0.98

01:40:48.000 And my gout got cured real fast and I had a whole shitload of medicine. 0.95

01:40:54.000 Really?

01:40:55.000 And the guy, the pill freak across the way, he goes, hey, you want to sell that?

01:41:02.000 You want to sell that?

01:41:04.000 No, you can have it, man.

01:41:05.000 Oh, hey, thank you, man.

01:41:06.000 Thank you.

01:41:07.000 How hard is it to get drugs in jail?

01:41:10.000 Well, the trouble with drugs, you can get anything in jail, but you get tested.

01:41:14.000 If you're a target, you know, with me.

01:41:16.000 I got offered to join every day.

01:41:19.000 Really?

01:41:19.000 And I got tested almost every day.

01:41:21.000 Do you think the people were trying to set you up?

01:41:23.000 Oh, totally.

01:41:24.000 That was their job.

01:41:26.000 They got nothing else to do. 1.00

01:41:27.000 Let's fuck with Tommy Chong. 1.00

01:41:29.000 Let's get a headliner due here. 1.00

01:41:31.000 How bad was Joe?

01:41:32.000 What was the experience like?

01:41:34.000 It was good.

01:41:35.000 It was like going to camp.

01:41:36.000 It was a camp.

01:41:37.000 It was like Boy Scouts or Army Cadets.

01:41:41.000 I was an Army Cadet, so it was like going to Army Cadet camp with old people. 1.00

01:41:46.000 They had me in an old dormitory.

01:41:49.000 But it was a chalk line around the perimeter and you couldn't step over that chalk line or you'd get yelled at. 0.99

01:42:00.000 Get your ass over there. 1.00

01:42:01.000 What are you doing over there? 1.00

01:42:03.000 But actually, it was like a spiritual...

01:42:06.000 For me, it turned into a spiritual retreat.

01:42:08.000 Because I took some books in there, including the Bible, and I really started a search for...

01:42:17.000 Yeah, I'm here.

01:42:18.000 It's a monastery.

01:42:20.000 Might as well use it.

01:42:21.000 And so I did.

01:42:22.000 I read a lot.

01:42:24.000 How long were you in jail for?

01:42:26.000 Nine months.

01:42:27.000 I'll tell you how long nine months is.

01:42:30.000 Those tubes of toothpaste, the big ones?

01:42:33.000 Three.

01:42:34.000 Three?

01:42:35.000 Yeah.

01:42:36.000 Wow.

01:42:37.000 That's a long time. 0.99

01:42:38.000 That's a long fucking time. 0.99

01:42:38.000 Doesn't it? 0.99

01:42:39.000 It seems like one will last forever, doesn't it?

01:42:42.000 Yeah.

01:42:42.000 I went through three of them.

01:42:44.000 That's a long fucking time. 0.99

01:42:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:42:45.000 It's almost a year of life. 0.99

01:42:46.000 Brushing my teeth every day.

01:42:48.000 It wasn't to brush your teeth to get something bad out of your mouth.

01:42:52.000 It's constantly blowing, guys.

01:42:55.000 Bought a toothpaste. 1.00

01:42:56.000 Got an ass-eating. 1.00

01:42:58.000 Want to stay healthy. 1.00

01:43:00.000 That's funny.

01:43:01.000 I got hit on one time.

01:43:02.000 One time?

01:43:03.000 One time.

01:43:03.000 Actually, I never got, not in jail, but I never got hit on once in jail.

01:43:09.000 Really?

01:43:10.000 No, two weeks.

01:43:10.000 Did you see any rape?

01:43:12.000 I saw the barber was gay. 0.99

01:43:15.000 The barber? 0.98

01:43:16.000 The barber.

01:43:16.000 The guy who cut hair.

01:43:17.000 How much did it cost to watch?

01:43:18.000 Was he an inmate or an employee?

01:43:20.000 He was an inmate.

01:43:21.000 Everybody's an inmate.

01:43:22.000 There's no employee.

01:43:22.000 People who work there, right.

01:43:23.000 The employees are the guards that have to wear their uniform in the scorching hot sun and like the River Kwai, you know, one of those things.

01:43:31.000 We're laying out there getting suntan and the guards are walking around.

01:43:34.000 Every once in a while I say, could you bring me some suntan lotion please?

01:43:39.000 And the guards say, what?

01:43:40.000 Oh never mind, never mind.

01:43:41.000 I thought you were someone else.

01:43:44.000 Were they nice to you ever, the guards?

01:43:46.000 Oh no, they were real nice.

01:43:47.000 In fact, they had a law, they had a rule, a Tommy Chong, no pitchers but Tommy Chong rule.

01:43:53.000 And one first day I was there, a guy, a guard named Gonzales, Next thing you know, he's in my cubicle.

01:43:59.000 Hey, John, I'm a big fan.

01:44:01.000 I love you guys.

01:44:01.000 I go back, blah, blah, blah.

01:44:04.000 And so then I was on the phone.

01:44:06.000 First time I got, I wasn't allowed on the phone for two weeks.

01:44:10.000 And then I finally got on the phone.

01:44:11.000 I phoned my wife, you know, and we're talking.

01:44:14.000 She said, how was it?

01:44:15.000 And I said, ah, not bad.

01:44:16.000 A guard came by my cubicle and he was real nice, you know, big fan.

01:44:21.000 And so then hung up the phone and Five minutes later, Chong, report to Central.

01:44:27.000 Command Control.

01:44:29.000 Chong! 1.00

01:44:30.000 So, I go down to Command Control.

01:44:33.000 Alright, who was the guard that came and said hello to you?

01:44:38.000 And he says, I don't know.

01:44:40.000 They all look alike to me.

01:44:43.000 Was he Mexican?

01:44:45.000 I never really saw his face, sir.

01:44:49.000 And then they gave up on me on that one.

01:44:52.000 Wow.

01:44:53.000 Yeah, they're looking for snitches. 0.71

01:44:56.000 Jails are run entirely by snitches.

01:44:58.000 They have a snitch culture.

01:45:01.000 Really?

01:45:02.000 Yeah, that's why a lot of guys get a lot of time.

01:45:06.000 And what they do, the jails can bargain with the ones with a lot of time.

01:45:12.000 We'll knock off time if you give up people. 0.86

01:45:16.000 That's ridiculous. 0.66

01:45:17.000 That seems like that should not be fair. 0.98

01:45:19.000 That's cheating.

01:45:20.000 The whole jail system is cheating.

01:45:22.000 Because you're going to coerce people to do things.

01:45:23.000 The whole jail system is cheating.

01:45:25.000 Well, the whole fact that it's privatized.

01:45:27.000 That's terrifying, isn't it?

01:45:28.000 It is.

01:45:29.000 And the jails are really run by inmates.

01:45:33.000 I mean, the guards have some control, but especially the camps.

01:45:38.000 If there's a hint of violence, you're out of there.

01:45:42.000 And if you even look like you want to be violent, they'll get you out of there.

01:45:46.000 Because they had old women guards, people that weren't going to hurt anybody. 1.00

01:45:51.000 They were your guards walking around with their uniforms and stuff on.

01:45:56.000 But I got into the Indian sweat lodge society.

01:46:02.000 And that took a weekend, you know.

01:46:05.000 We'd start Saturday, and then sweat Saturday, and then have to clean up the place Sunday.

01:46:10.000 And you do this while in jail?

01:46:12.000 Yeah, we had an Indian grounds.

01:46:16.000 What?

01:46:17.000 And it faced away.

01:46:18.000 At the jail?

01:46:18.000 At the jail, in the camp.

01:46:20.000 They still do.

01:46:20.000 It's mandated that the Native American Indians have their form of worship.

01:46:25.000 Really?

01:46:26.000 And their form of worship is a sweat lodge.

01:46:28.000 So every jail has a sweat lodge?

01:46:29.000 Every federal prison in America.

01:46:32.000 Wow!

01:46:32.000 That is fascinating!

01:46:34.000 They had to go to court to do it.

01:46:35.000 And some are better than others, and some are very bare bones.

01:46:39.000 But we had a phenomenal place.

01:46:42.000 The guy had been in there for I don't know how many years.

01:46:44.000 He took care of the grounds.

01:46:47.000 Maybe 15 years, something like that.

01:46:49.000 But he gathered rocks.

01:46:53.000 There's a desert, it's a desert, so he got rocks and he had little fences made, and then he had an area there for the sweat lodge itself, you know, it's all packed earth, and then it's like a teepee, you know?

01:47:06.000 Right, right.

01:47:08.000 Or a Hogan.

01:47:09.000 And then they covered, ours was covered with plastic and rain stuff, you know?

01:47:17.000 And then they had a big bonfire next to it.

01:47:21.000 That's what really attracted me was the bonfire.

01:47:24.000 We had fire in prison.

01:47:26.000 Right, right.

01:47:27.000 That's crazy.

01:47:28.000 All weekend.

01:47:29.000 And what they would do, they'd leave us alone.

01:47:31.000 Every weekend?

01:47:31.000 Every weekend.

01:47:32.000 Wow.

01:47:32.000 I'll be an Indian like that.

01:47:34.000 In a minute.

01:47:35.000 First of all, it's not an Indian. 1.00

01:47:36.000 How stupid is it we still use the term Indian? 1.00

01:47:38.000 I know. 1.00

01:47:38.000 I mean, God damn it's dumb. 1.00

01:47:40.000 That's the last, what were they, the last Chinaman. 1.00

01:47:43.000 One huge mistake from 1492 and we're still calling them Indians. 0.99

01:47:47.000 And the guy that did it was such a... 1.00

01:47:49.000 Piece of shit. 1.00

01:47:50.000 We celebrate the day, Columbus Day. 1.00

01:47:54.000 He's a goddamn serial killer. 1.00

01:47:55.000 Yeah, they did horrific things. 1.00

01:47:57.000 When you hear about what his soldiers did to the children of these Native Americans, dashing babies' heads on rocks.

01:48:04.000 Horrific stories.

01:48:06.000 Just bloodbath.

01:48:08.000 So the Native Americans.

01:48:10.000 And there was maybe a half of one in our camp.

01:48:16.000 In fact, his name.

01:48:17.000 I forgot his name.

01:48:18.000 It'll come to me.

01:48:19.000 Anyway, he was head of the thing.

01:48:22.000 He was an old biker, ex-biker, been incarcerated most of his life.

01:48:28.000 David Aiello.

01:48:29.000 David Aiello.

01:48:31.000 He wore a headband.

01:48:32.000 When you join the Sweat Lodge Society, you're allowed to wear headbands, like a gang thing.

01:48:39.000 The headband came really low around his eyes.

01:48:43.000 He wouldn't talk to anybody.

01:48:45.000 He worked in his Indian grounds, period.

01:48:48.000 That's all he had to do.

01:48:49.000 That's badass!

01:48:50.000 So he wasn't even really doing time.

01:48:53.000 No.

01:48:53.000 He was doing a different kind of time.

01:48:55.000 Once you get that, because the Indian grounds faced away from the prison.

01:48:59.000 So it was like you're on the grounds and you're looking right out into the desert.

01:49:03.000 And the desert was a magical place.

01:49:05.000 The desert had packs of wild dogs.

01:49:10.000 We were close to Bakersfield, a few miles, maybe 15-20 miles from Bakersfield.

01:49:15.000 And people would drop off puppies and unwanted dogs or just strays and just kick them out into the desert.

01:49:23.000 And the dogs packed up.

01:49:25.000 And the leader of this one pack was a big Rottweiler. 1.00

01:49:29.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:49:30.000 And they had everything from little poodles to big-ass Rottweilers to German Shepherds, all kinds. 1.00

01:49:39.000 That one dog, the real vicious looking one?

01:49:42.000 Anyway, short hair, Doberman.

01:49:43.000 Yeah, there's a Doberman.

01:49:45.000 And what they would do, there's a shitload of wild rabbits out in Taft.

01:49:50.000 And at night, they would come on the lawns, like hundreds, probably thousands of rabbits would come out and feed.

01:49:59.000 And the dogs would jack them?

01:50:01.000 Well, the dogs, they never come to the camp at all.

01:50:04.000 They would never even come close.

01:50:05.000 But what they would do, we watched them from the Indian grounds.

01:50:09.000 There's bramble bushes, you know, clumps of thorny bushes.

01:50:13.000 And the dogs would chase the rabbit into the bush.

01:50:18.000 And then the little poodle would go in and boot them out. 0.99

01:50:23.000 Really?

01:50:24.000 And the big ones would be waiting at the exit.

01:50:26.000 So they had a whole strategy.

01:50:28.000 Oh, they had a strategy.

01:50:29.000 Man, they were so brilliant.

01:50:32.000 And we tried.

01:50:33.000 And we also had wild ground squirrels.

01:50:37.000 And you'd feed them by hand.

01:50:40.000 And the ground squirrels, a whole, almost as many ground squirrels as there were prisoners.

01:50:46.000 And we'd walk around this track and take the food that they tried to feed us and feed it to the ground squirrels.

01:50:53.000 And the ground squirrels got fat.

01:50:56.000 One got so fat couldn't get back down his hole.

01:50:59.000 And then to keep the ground squirrel population down, hawks, they had these beautiful hawks way up in the light tower.

01:51:07.000 And they would sit there And they'd watch the ground squirrels.

01:51:10.000 And everyone went, wow, the ground squirrels would be looking up.

01:51:12.000 And they always had a lookout.

01:51:14.000 And they'd do some kind of whistle or something if the hawks were coming down.

01:51:18.000 And then they'd go into their holes.

01:51:20.000 Wow!

01:51:21.000 And we fed them until they got so fat.

01:51:23.000 One got so fat.

01:51:26.000 And I hung up with all the bikers, you know, the old Hells Angel types and the old bikers. 0.90

01:51:33.000 That was my set.

01:51:35.000 And we're sitting around and they would play cards and smoke cigarettes outside the dorm.

01:51:43.000 And one of the bikers was an electrician.

01:51:47.000 And part of his job was keeping all the lights working.

01:51:50.000 And the lights where they had the nest was flickering off.

01:51:55.000 I guess the nest got Tied it up with some of the wires.

01:51:58.000 And so he had to crawl way up, I don't know, 40, 50 feet up to the light tower.

01:52:03.000 And he got up there and he says, he found, he found, what do we call it?

01:52:09.000 I forget.

01:52:10.000 The ground, the fat ground squirrel.

01:52:12.000 Fatty.

01:52:12.000 They found him dead up there.

01:52:15.000 He couldn't get in his hole.

01:52:18.000 He got Americanized.

01:52:19.000 Yeah, one of the bikers, one of the bikers, you heard the story and he looked at the tower and he goes, Ain't no way in hell that ground squirrel crawled all the way up there.

01:52:32.000 Oh, my God.

01:52:33.000 And he was serious.

01:52:34.000 Oh, my God.

01:52:35.000 He was serious.

01:52:36.000 Oh, man.

01:52:37.000 That guy's put on this earth to dig holes.

01:52:39.000 There was some comedy in prison.

01:52:43.000 I mean, that was just one of them.

01:52:44.000 Are you friends with anybody from jail?

01:52:46.000 Everybody.

01:52:47.000 Yeah?

01:52:47.000 Everybody.

01:52:48.000 You stay in touch?

01:52:49.000 Yeah.

01:52:49.000 One guy is a caddy for Jeff Overton.

01:52:56.000 He's a professional golfer.

01:52:58.000 Uh-huh.

01:52:59.000 You watch TV and every once in a while you see Jeff Overton and Eric Larson.

01:53:05.000 He was one of the first guys I met when I went there.

01:53:09.000 He was doing time for cocaine.

01:53:13.000 And what happened, he was just a caddy and he was just buying.

01:53:16.000 But the dealer got busted.

01:53:18.000 And so the dealer, the cops told the dealer, give us a name and we'll let you go.

01:53:23.000 And so the only name she knew was Eric Larson because he was Mark Kalkabecki's caddy at the time.

01:53:32.000 And he was the only famous one.

01:53:34.000 And so Eric fought it, you know, because he was just a buyer.

01:53:38.000 He wasn't a He wasn't a dealer.

01:53:39.000 He wasn't distributing or nothing like that.

01:53:42.000 And so they told him, if you fight it, you go away 14 years.

01:53:47.000 And he won the first case.

01:53:51.000 They refiled the charges the next day.

01:53:54.000 They refiled the charges.

01:53:56.000 Why?

01:53:56.000 They charged him with something else.

01:53:58.000 Because the feds are assholes. 1.00

01:54:00.000 They're creepy. 1.00

01:54:00.000 They want to get it done. 1.00

01:54:01.000 They want to get it done.

01:54:02.000 They want to get you.

01:54:03.000 They get you.

01:54:04.000 And that's the way the whole drug culture is.

01:54:06.000 Jail is full of it.

01:54:07.000 And so he ended up doing 14 years.

01:54:10.000 Oh my God.

01:54:11.000 And his only crime was buying a couple of bags of coke for other golfers.

01:54:16.000 That's so sad.

01:54:17.000 But anyway, I met him and he was, at the time, he was a brilliant guy.

01:54:21.000 He's got two college degrees when he was in prison.

01:54:23.000 He was in there for 12 years. 0.98

01:54:26.000 It's so fucking sad. 0.98

01:54:27.000 He went to school, and he took advantage of it. 0.99

01:54:30.000 He learned how to grow grass, and he had a garden.

01:54:33.000 He grew his own garden.

01:54:35.000 He tried to get me to work out there with him, but my time was too short.

01:54:40.000 But I ended up going out to the garden all the time anyway.

01:54:43.000 And he would cook for us at night in a microwave.

01:54:46.000 And I had the best meals.

01:54:48.000 I swear to God.

01:54:49.000 Yeah.

01:54:50.000 All fresh garden-grown vegetables. 0.99

01:54:53.000 No shit. 0.99

01:54:54.000 It was great. 1.00

01:54:55.000 It was great. 0.99

01:54:55.000 And every once in a while we'd take our- 12 fucking years, man. 0.99

01:54:58.000 Whoever did that is evil. 1.00

01:55:00.000 Oh, yeah.

01:55:01.000 They belong in jail.

01:55:02.000 Florida.

01:55:02.000 Anybody that was a part of that, they belong.

01:55:06.000 They belong. 0.92

01:55:06.000 They should be removed. 0.92

01:55:08.000 I helped Eric out because when I met him, he was very bitter.

01:55:11.000 Yeah, as you can imagine because he not only went to jail, but he went to the toughest prisons out there and he did his he did rough time for about five years the roughest time ever and And when I met him, you know, he was very bitter and And so I started counseling him a little bit, you know, and telling him, you know, hey, you can't let prison eat you up like that.

01:55:35.000 It's just amazing that someone could do something like that to him for nothing, for a personal choice issue. 0.96

01:55:40.000 Well, the dealer could have saved his ass and said, Why did she turn him in? 1.00

01:55:45.000 She's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:55:46.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

01:55:48.000 She'd just say, you know, bite the bullet and take your time. 0.99

01:55:51.000 She should rot away. 0.99

01:55:52.000 But I eventually got to Eric, and then I made friends with a drug counselor.

01:55:58.000 Oh, really?

01:55:59.000 Yeah, big friends.

01:56:01.000 I remember when you got out, man.

01:56:02.000 I was listening to this interview, and it made me sad because they were testing you, and you couldn't get high, so you'd put yourself in the state of mind, and you could actually even give yourself the munchies, you were saying.

01:56:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:56:13.000 Yeah, it's all mental.

01:56:15.000 You can reenact that feeling any time.

01:56:19.000 That's why Cheech and Chong are so important to a lot of our people, because you just mentioned her name, and all of a sudden everybody flashes back to when they're high listening, and all of a sudden you've got a whole audience.

01:56:32.000 There wasn't that many people from that era that were defined by marijuana, like you guys were.

01:56:37.000 I mean, you guys are definitive.

01:56:40.000 Like, I know people that would say, let's go cheech and chong it.

01:56:43.000 That's what they'd say.

01:56:44.000 Like, you know, when they want to go get high, they'd say, let's go cheech and chong it. 1.00

01:56:47.000 And everybody knew exactly what they were talking about.

01:56:50.000 Yeah, there was no compromise. 0.99

01:56:52.000 We weren't guys, hey, let's get him high, he'll do some funny shit. 0.98

01:56:57.000 No, that's what I wanted. 0.98

01:57:01.000 When Cheech and I wrote Up in Smoke, that's exactly what I had in mind.

01:57:07.000 In fact, every movie I did, I said, I'm not going to waste a bit of screen time on anything unless It has to do with pot.

01:57:16.000 Then we got offered Corsican Brothers.

01:57:22.000 At that time, Cheech was ready to split.

01:57:24.000 He was ready to leave.

01:57:25.000 Cheech says, I don't want to do another pot movie.

01:57:29.000 I said, well, why don't we just make this one a non-pot movie?

01:57:34.000 Okay, so we did.

01:57:36.000 No part in it at all.

01:57:37.000 And it's a lot of people's favorite movies.

01:57:39.000 But we reached a point where just being Cheech and Jong was all we needed to be.

01:57:46.000 We didn't have this movie joint or anything.

01:57:48.000 And that's what it is now.

01:57:49.000 It was implied.

01:57:50.000 Yeah, that's what it is now.

01:57:51.000 Like when I get introduced, it's like a title.

01:57:56.000 This is Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong.

01:57:58.000 Do you still ever run into people that don't want to, especially professional people, that don't want to be associated with pot?

01:58:08.000 Actors?

01:58:09.000 Oh yeah.

01:58:11.000 There's a shitload of people.

01:58:13.000 Depends on which way the wind's blowing.

01:58:15.000 But with me, oh yeah.

01:58:19.000 Oh, listen, Saturday Night Live.

01:58:20.000 Ever wonder why Cheech and Chong have never hosted Saturday Night Live?

01:58:23.000 Why is that?

01:58:24.000 Lauren Michaels does not like Cheech and Chong.

01:58:27.000 Really?

01:58:27.000 Why does he not?

01:58:28.000 Is he conservative?

01:58:30.000 We came up when Ackroyd and Belushi were together.

01:58:36.000 And Ackroyd and Belushi caused him so much grief.

01:58:40.000 But he couldn't fire them because they were the stars.

01:58:44.000 But he never had control of those guys.

01:58:48.000 And Belushi was a big Cheech and Chong fan.

01:58:52.000 Big time.

01:58:53.000 And I guess Aykroyd was too.

01:58:55.000 But Belushi was.

01:58:56.000 He was like a fan.

01:58:59.000 Right, right.

01:58:59.000 Right from the get-go.

01:59:01.000 In fact, he was with Second City and they were trying to do an album because Cheech and Chong did an album.

01:59:07.000 Right.

01:59:07.000 And the producer kept saying, it's too Cheech and Chong.

01:59:14.000 That's funny.

01:59:16.000 Yeah.

01:59:16.000 They recently had a parody of you guys on Saturday Night Live.

01:59:19.000 Yeah, on Saturday Night Live.

01:59:20.000 And that kind of got me, because why didn't they have us?

01:59:24.000 Right.

01:59:24.000 I mean, we were available.

01:59:26.000 What was the parody?

01:59:27.000 Can you play it?

01:59:28.000 What's his name?

01:59:29.000 Is this it, Brian?

01:59:31.000 Yeah, I think it...

01:59:32.000 What's the quarterback that won last year?

01:59:35.000 The brother?

01:59:37.000 I don't know.

01:59:39.000 Manning.

01:59:40.000 One of the Mannings.

01:59:41.000 Peyton Manning?

01:59:43.000 With hot drug humor, the pair starred in several feature films throughout the 1970s.

01:59:48.000 But did you know that Cheech and Chong initially had a third member?

01:59:51.000 It's true.

01:59:52.000 Tonight, we show you the original cuts of their films with the original lineup.

01:59:57.000 Let's take a look at 1978's Up in Smoke.

02:00:00.000 We gotta get to the concert, man!

02:00:07.000 Even if we gotta speed!

02:00:09.000 Hey, you got speed, man?

02:00:11.000 Did you guys see Donnie Marie last night?

02:00:13.000 It was a hoot!

02:00:15.000 I didn't mean speed for me.

02:00:16.000 I meant speed for the car, man!

02:00:18.000 You give your car a speed?

02:00:20.000 It's heavy, man.

02:00:21.000 Oh, that's nothing, man!

02:00:22.000 My cousin Paco made a lawnmower that runs a Maui Waui.

02:00:27.000 Is that story true?

02:00:28.000 Sometimes I can't even tell with you, Cheech.

02:00:30.000 I don't know any joke, Richard.

02:00:33.000 Hey, did I tell you guys who's in town?

02:00:35.000 Greg Taylor.

02:00:36.000 Remember?

02:00:37.000 I told you about him.

02:00:38.000 He and I went to camp together.

02:00:39.000 That's great, Richard.

02:00:41.000 Hey, man, you want to get stoned?

02:00:42.000 Yeah, man, let's get toasted.

02:00:44.000 Pass.

02:00:45.000 No thanks.

02:00:46.000 Yeah, enjoy, man.

02:00:47.000 All right!

02:00:49.000 No, I better not, friends.

02:00:51.000 I have a scholarship to Indiana University.

02:00:53.000 I cannot be around drugs.

02:00:55.000 Would you mind pulling over?

02:00:57.000 Yeah, sure thing, Richard.

02:00:58.000 Right up here is great.

02:01:00.000 Thanks.

02:01:01.000 Yeah, see you, Richard.

02:01:02.000 Yeah, goodbye, Richard.

02:01:05.000 That was funny.

02:01:08.000 Yeah, but why didn't they use teaching chalk?

02:01:11.000 Well, they could use you for something else, but you wouldn't work for that, because then you would have to go back in time.

02:01:16.000 No, that's true.

02:01:17.000 But I mean, I think just out of, you know, respect for the culture, you know, they should have had us on there.

02:01:24.000 Yeah, you've never been on there once.

02:01:26.000 Never once. 0.97

02:01:26.000 That's ridiculous. 0.97

02:01:27.000 Never once. 0.99

02:01:28.000 How dare you?

02:01:28.000 I mean, they'll have Britney Spears, they'll have all these, you know...

02:01:33.000 Peyton Manning or whatever.

02:01:34.000 In my opinion, that show is always too missed for me to give it enough.

02:01:38.000 There's some hits for sure, but it's so, you know, it's hit and miss, but so much mess that I'm not willing to invest any time into it.

02:01:44.000 It's hard.

02:01:45.000 It's the hardest form of entertainment to do a live sort of a sketch comedy show once a week.

02:01:51.000 It's such a crapshoot as to whether or not things are going to actually be funny.

02:01:54.000 Well, they got no time.

02:01:55.000 They got no time to make it funny.

02:01:57.000 You say, I got an idea.

02:01:58.000 We don't have time.

02:01:59.000 Boom.

02:01:59.000 Let's do it.

02:02:00.000 Yeah, they have to hustle through things.

02:02:02.000 And some things get past you. 1.00

02:02:03.000 Like, what the fuck kind of thinking was going on there? 0.98

02:02:06.000 That's what kind of bothered me when we started doing concerts lately. 0.99

02:02:11.000 Some of the concerts.

02:02:12.000 When I started, I kind of got back into the music for a hot second.

02:02:18.000 What kind of music?

02:02:19.000 You know, rock.

02:02:20.000 It's all about, okay, you guys, you've got 15 minutes.

02:02:24.000 Get on, let's go. 0.91

02:02:25.000 You know, I've got some backstage goof, you know, telling you.

02:02:29.000 Oh, yeah?

02:02:29.000 Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

02:02:30.000 Why were they telling you when to do it?

02:02:33.000 Well, you had other...

02:02:35.000 People with you?

02:02:36.000 You know, yeah, other acts going on.

02:02:39.000 Oh.

02:02:39.000 So they're trying to get everybody on.

02:02:42.000 Right.

02:02:42.000 And then certain acts, if they're stars, they're in their trailer, they're not coming out, you know.

02:02:47.000 Right.

02:02:47.000 But any act they can bully, you know, then they would...

02:02:50.000 I just didn't...

02:02:52.000 See, there's like music festivals?

02:02:54.000 Yeah.

02:02:54.000 Is that what it is?

02:02:54.000 Yeah.

02:02:55.000 This is a few years ago.

02:02:56.000 I got both my sons, one's a bass player, one's a drummer, and I put a little thing together, you know, a little music bit together.

02:03:05.000 Uh-huh.

02:03:06.000 There's just the three of us.

02:03:08.000 It was good for one summer.

02:03:10.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:03:13.000 One thing about comedy, we command.

02:03:19.000 We're out there.

02:03:20.000 It's our stage.

02:03:22.000 I don't like sharing stages.

02:03:24.000 Well, it's hard when you have a vision of what you want to accomplish than somebody else does.

02:03:28.000 The key to being in a band, I guess, is figuring out how to compromise and making As many people happy as possible, while still getting out some fragment or portion of your creative vision.

02:03:39.000 But it's certainly much easier to get out your full creative vision by yourself.

02:03:42.000 I love it.

02:03:43.000 I love it.

02:03:44.000 You know, I thought about it, you know, now, especially now, you know, because I got, Cheech and I, you know, we finished our touring and that.

02:03:52.000 And so I was playing around with the idea of, you know, putting a band together, and then I think about the hassles.

02:03:59.000 In fact, I'd rather just drop down, you know.

02:04:02.000 I liked it when, you know, Shelby and I were out there alone, or just being alone, you know.

02:04:07.000 I don't mind that at all.

02:04:09.000 I like it.

02:04:10.000 Yeah, it's a lot easier to do whatever you want to do and not have to answer to anybody.

02:04:15.000 Mind trips.

02:04:16.000 That's what you're doing with people.

02:04:18.000 Like I put the sweat lodge in the show, and the first time I did it, this club owner came running backstage and screaming at my wife, you know. 1.00

02:04:26.000 What's he doing?

02:04:28.000 What's he doing?

02:04:29.000 He's been talking about rocks for 15 minutes.

02:04:33.000 The club owner was yelling at your wife? 1.00

02:04:35.000 Yeah.

02:04:36.000 Where was this?

02:04:36.000 This is Craig in Kansas City.

02:04:40.000 Oh, that crazy fuck? 1.00

02:04:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:42.000 Beetlejuice?

02:04:45.000 That guy's a real character, man.

02:04:47.000 What's he doing up there?

02:04:48.000 He's talking about rocks.

02:04:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:04:51.000 Yeah, he does sound like Beetlejuice, doesn't he?

02:04:54.000 Well, that's the kind of club, that's the kind of dates I did.

02:04:57.000 When I was in Denver, man, when I was in Denver, I don't know.

02:05:01.000 I don't even remember smoking.

02:05:03.000 I don't think I did.

02:05:05.000 I did five shows, and not one was like the other.

02:05:10.000 I did five totally different How come?

02:05:16.000 I just could do it.

02:05:17.000 You just could do it?

02:05:18.000 I got the audience going.

02:05:20.000 Denver is a stony town.

02:05:22.000 Once I got them going, I just never got back onto the script.

02:05:27.000 And then when my wife and I, which we do a set bit, when we hit the set bit, we literally got standing ovations.

02:05:35.000 Really?

02:05:35.000 Yeah.

02:05:36.000 Wow.

02:05:36.000 That was the greatest high.

02:05:40.000 And then we sold merch after and met everybody.

02:05:43.000 It was like old days, you know.

02:05:44.000 Wow.

02:05:44.000 Because there was a time when we used to bring a case of bongs with us, you know, selling them.

02:05:49.000 So what I did, I sold these nada pipes.

02:05:53.000 Those things?

02:05:54.000 Yeah.

02:05:55.000 Yeah, the necklaces.

02:05:56.000 I grabbed a bunch.

02:05:58.000 I don't know, something told me, yeah, take it.

02:06:01.000 Because going out with Cheech was fun and everything, but confined.

02:06:06.000 It's Cheech and Chong.

02:06:07.000 Do you find it that there's certain spots in the country where you're more welcomed or they connect with you or they're more into pot humor?

02:06:17.000 Yeah, well, Denver for sure.

02:06:18.000 Denver for sure, right?

02:06:19.000 Denver for sure.

02:06:20.000 Denver, isn't marijuana decriminalized in the city?

02:06:23.000 And then they have medical marijuana, so they have dispensaries.

02:06:27.000 I don't know if they call it Broadsterdam or what, but there's a whole street.

02:06:31.000 They even got a system of...

02:06:37.000 What do you call it?

02:06:39.000 Naming the clubs.

02:06:42.000 This is A, B, and C, I guess.

02:06:46.000 Oh, you mean like rating them?

02:06:47.000 Rating them, yeah.

02:06:48.000 Really?

02:06:48.000 Yeah.

02:06:49.000 Like the town has something like that?

02:06:50.000 Yeah.

02:06:51.000 Rating dispensaries?

02:06:52.000 The city, yeah.

02:06:52.000 Yeah, man.

02:06:53.000 It's very accepted there. 0.99

02:06:54.000 It's a fucking great town. 0.99

02:06:55.000 I love Colorado, man. 0.99

02:06:57.000 I'm going back there August.

02:06:59.000 I think I've got a show in Denver, whatever that Friday is.

02:07:02.000 I can't wait to get back there.

02:07:04.000 I think there's something.

02:07:05.000 It's my opinion.

02:07:06.000 But when you grow up in a place like Denver, where it's a city, but it's also in the face of some of the most staggering...

02:07:16.000 Mother Nature. 0.99

02:07:18.000 Like, when you look at those mountains, the Rocky Mountains are a motherfucker. 0.99

02:07:21.000 And if you're in Denver, like, I remember we were at a radio station once, we were just, it was like high up in this office building, and we're sitting there on the 20th floor, whatever the fuck it was, looking out there, and you see the Rocky Mountains, like, God damn. 1.00

02:07:32.000 Damn, son. 0.99

02:07:32.000 Would you ever get tired of looking at that? 0.99

02:07:34.000 That's the goddamn Rocky Mountains, you know? 0.98

02:07:37.000 I grew up in Calgary, so I know all about the Rocky Mountains. 0.99

02:07:40.000 I think when you see mountains and shit like that, I think it puts you in a more mellow sort of place. 0.98

02:07:46.000 More humbling. 0.99

02:07:47.000 It's humbling.

02:07:47.000 Yeah, it puts you in proportion.

02:07:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:07:50.000 The ocean does the same thing.

02:07:52.000 In the desert?

02:07:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:53.000 I don't know if the desert as much as makes you want to fuck people to death and cut them up and leave them in a hole. 1.00

02:07:59.000 All the wars are being fought in the desert. 1.00

02:08:01.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:08:02.000 So it sucks there. 0.95

02:08:03.000 You know, I watched this thing in the Taliban where the Taliban shot some woman, you know, because they accused her of adultery. 0.98

02:08:09.000 And all I could think of is... 0.99

02:08:11.000 This whole situation sucks. 1.00

02:08:13.000 Where they live sucks. 1.00

02:08:14.000 The weather sucks. 1.00

02:08:16.000 The culture sucks. 1.00

02:08:17.000 This whole situation sucks. 1.00

02:08:19.000 This would not happen if it was Brazil. 0.99

02:08:21.000 In Brazil, you don't accuse a woman of adultery. 1.00

02:08:23.000 You just deal with it and move on, bitch. 1.00

02:08:25.000 Because girls are hot as fuck and they're everywhere. 1.00

02:08:27.000 Just get over it. 1.00

02:08:28.000 But in Afghanistan, it's such a fucking struggle. 0.99

02:08:32.000 Well, it's because of the inbreeding, I think. 1.00

02:08:35.000 Maybe.

02:08:35.000 It's also because that's where the oldest culture comes from.

02:08:37.000 Yeah.

02:08:38.000 I mean, they're like the townies of the world, is what it's like.

02:08:41.000 If everything started there, Mesopotamia, Babylon, Iraq, Sumer, that's what they think.

02:08:46.000 They think that everything started there.

02:08:48.000 Garden of Eden is there.

02:08:49.000 Well, if that was real, right?

02:08:50.000 Whatever the analogy of that is.

02:08:53.000 But that, from that area...

02:08:54.000 That's where they wrote it.

02:08:55.000 That's where that whole...

02:08:57.000 The stories came from.

02:08:58.000 The stories came from.

02:08:58.000 They also had stories that supposedly had come from even earlier, that they were retold.

02:09:03.000 But my point is that's the spot where it all began.

02:09:07.000 Everybody agrees to that.

02:09:09.000 So if that's the spot where it all began, the people that are still there...

02:09:11.000 We're writing.

02:09:14.000 Mathematics, agriculture.

02:09:15.000 Math, writing.

02:09:16.000 I mean, that's how we got the great buildings there.

02:09:19.000 It was all thanks to the Arabs. 1.00

02:09:21.000 Yeah, sure.

02:09:22.000 Persians.

02:09:23.000 Algebra.

02:09:24.000 Yes.

02:09:24.000 It wasn't for algebra.

02:09:26.000 Yeah, the Arabs and the Muslims in general came up with some amazing discoveries.

02:09:31.000 What's going on now is this radical offshoot of it that seems to have been accepted. 1.00

02:09:37.000 And they backed everybody in the corner where if you accept Islam at all, you have to be on the side of these radical motherfuckers. 0.99

02:09:45.000 There's this connection in a lot of people's minds to that. 1.00

02:09:49.000 We don't even see Muslims. 0.87

02:09:50.000 We just see radical Muslims. 0.99

02:09:52.000 That's all anybody sees. 0.95

02:09:53.000 This is a religion that will not stop until this happens.

02:09:56.000 It becomes this weird form of brainwashing on our part and almost reinforcing reality on their part.

02:10:05.000 The more we talk about them willing to blow themselves up, Guarantinately, the more they're willing to blow themselves up. 0.94

02:10:10.000 The more we talk about how terrified we are of that, the more they're going to employ those tactics.

02:10:14.000 Absolutely.

02:10:16.000 That's the whole secret.

02:10:19.000 Life is like a workout.

02:10:21.000 If you look at the weights and say, Oh God, that's heavy.

02:10:24.000 I'll never be able to do that.

02:10:27.000 You're not going to be able to work out.

02:10:28.000 Right.

02:10:29.000 But if you walk in there and go, whoa, that's going to help me.

02:10:32.000 You know what the bottom translation is? 0.99

02:10:34.000 The universe does not like bitches. 1.00

02:10:37.000 That's what it is. 1.00

02:10:38.000 The universe frowns upon bitches. 1.00

02:10:42.000 That's what it is. 0.99

02:10:42.000 The universe doesn't want... 0.99

02:10:44.000 You gotta get your shit together, bitch. 1.00

02:10:46.000 There's a right way. 1.00

02:10:47.000 Every minute of every day, you're taking a decision.

02:10:50.000 You're carving a path.

02:10:52.000 You're choosing to say certain things and go certain places and act certain ways.

02:10:55.000 You know which way you could go.

02:10:57.000 You know the better way.

02:10:59.000 It's a vibe.

02:11:00.000 See, people don't really realize the kind of vibe they're putting out.

02:11:05.000 You know, that's why the pedophiles and that, you know... 0.99

02:11:08.000 They've had a fucked up life, and so they're pursuing it out there. 0.99

02:11:13.000 But for some reason, you get a crowd of people, and all of a sudden, there's one weirdo in there. 0.99

02:11:18.000 The vibe.

02:11:19.000 You pick up that vibe, and you go, whoa. 0.98

02:11:21.000 Well, one angry heckler could fuck up a whole crowd of 300 people.

02:11:24.000 Have you ever had that happen? 0.96

02:11:25.000 happen one person is angry for no reason yelling at you like what is going on with you man yeah it isn't it sometimes it could be about something you say like I some woman got super mad because I was doing this joke about that the idea being that you shouldn't there's a big difference between having a man molesting a young girl or young boy and a woman molesting a young boy and Because if a chick's hot, if a woman's hot, we barely care.

02:11:54.000 You barely care.

02:11:55.000 If you hear that some seven-year-old...

02:11:57.000 If you walked in and there was a seven-year-old getting blown by the hottest girl in the world, and he was raising his fist in triumph...

02:12:06.000 And I saw this woman go, that's it.

02:12:09.000 That's it. 1.00

02:12:10.000 And she gets up and she's like, fuck this. 0.99

02:12:12.000 I'm not listening to this. 1.00

02:12:13.000 This is fucking terrible. 1.00

02:12:14.000 It's disgusting. 1.00

02:12:15.000 And as she was saying it, she's like walking through the club, just like poisoning the atmosphere of the club. 0.91

02:12:20.000 I got lucky that I turned it into a pot.

02:12:22.000 I was like, listen, I just want to point out that there was no...

02:12:24.000 This is a work of fiction, and no real babies were blown during the making of any of this material.

02:12:29.000 So I started going on this explanation about it, about how, you know, in a Stephen King movie, Carrie can light things on fire with her eyes, right? 1.00

02:12:37.000 But you're telling me that some seven-year-old kid wouldn't like getting his dick sucked? 1.00

02:12:40.000 In my fiction, that's much more likely. 1.00

02:12:43.000 It's very, very, very touching.

02:12:45.000 Yeah, it's funny.

02:12:46.000 Because a lot of people, she's probably went through some weird thing.

02:12:50.000 A lot of people.

02:12:51.000 I think a lot of people.

02:12:52.000 I think, you know, I dodged a bullet twice in my youth from being molested.

02:12:56.000 Once when I was like 8 and once when I was like 13, I dodged two bullets.

02:13:00.000 I think a lot of people get hit.

02:13:01.000 A lot of people get fragged.

02:13:03.000 Well, I got, well, kind of molested when I was learning how to swim.

02:13:08.000 Really?

02:13:08.000 They had free swimming lessons at the YMCA. The only problem was, or the only thing was that we didn't need bathing suits.

02:13:16.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:13:19.000 There were literally 20 young guys with no bathing suits.

02:13:24.000 Oh, my God.

02:13:25.000 Swimming.

02:13:26.000 Learning how to swim.

02:13:27.000 Oh, my God.

02:13:28.000 And the YMCA guys were, okay, one more time.

02:13:31.000 Oh, my God.

02:13:32.000 Okay, boys.

02:13:32.000 I'll be here again.

02:13:33.000 Okay, now you're doing good.

02:13:35.000 So he's just watching you, or was he touching?

02:13:37.000 No, no, just...

02:13:38.000 Just watching.

02:13:39.000 Teaching you how to swim. 1.00

02:13:40.000 Wow, what a crazy asshole. 1.00

02:13:42.000 But what it was, I mean, why... 1.00

02:13:44.000 Did he stand behind a podium and beat off while you guys were swimming?

02:13:47.000 I never really...

02:13:48.000 See, at the time, you know, you don't...

02:13:51.000 You're innocent.

02:13:52.000 Yeah, you're totally innocent.

02:13:53.000 Yeah.

02:13:54.000 And then another time, I was...

02:13:59.000 We never got really hit on.

02:14:00.000 I was playing basketball at the Y in Hollywood.

02:14:04.000 And there's a locker room there.

02:14:08.000 No, this is in New York.

02:14:09.000 This is in New York City.

02:14:10.000 And there's a locker room.

02:14:12.000 And this guy comes up.

02:14:14.000 Hi, you want to catch a buzz later?

02:14:20.000 And I looked around to see who he was talking to.

02:14:22.000 He says, no, you.

02:14:23.000 I'm talking to you.

02:14:24.000 Do you want to catch a buzz later?

02:14:27.000 And he says, I don't think so.

02:14:30.000 And then he reaches in his locker and pulls out the thickest pair of glasses I've ever seen.

02:14:36.000 He puts them on and he looks at me and goes, oh, never mind.

02:14:38.000 I'm sorry.

02:14:39.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.93

02:14:42.000 Do you think that is he thought you were someone else or he found out what you really looked like and he's like, damn, I could do better than this dude. 0.50

02:14:51.000 He's like, I'm not ready to cash in my tag this early.

02:14:54.000 I'm still going to go out hunting.

02:14:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:14:57.000 I think that's what it was.

02:15:01.000 Never mind.

02:15:01.000 Thank you.

02:15:02.000 Sorry.

02:15:02.000 Wrong guy.

02:15:04.000 So how often are you going out and doing stand-up now and how can people see you?

02:15:09.000 We got one more gig in Fresno.

02:15:11.000 Do you ever do the Ice House?

02:15:12.000 Hmm?

02:15:12.000 You should do the Ice House.

02:15:13.000 You ever do the Ice House?

02:15:14.000 Cheech and I started here.

02:15:16.000 Did you really?

02:15:17.000 Yeah.

02:15:17.000 Wow.

02:15:18.000 Yeah, Bob Stain used to come.

02:15:20.000 Never paid us.

02:15:21.000 He paid us all.

02:15:22.000 He did pay us.

02:15:23.000 Wasn't much.

02:15:24.000 50 bucks, I think, for both of us.

02:15:27.000 This is back in 1970. What was 50 bucks worth back then?

02:15:33.000 It was like 100 bucks, 500 bucks?

02:15:35.000 For Cheech and I? Yeah.

02:15:36.000 That was a lot of money.

02:15:38.000 Was it $50?

02:15:39.000 I'm just trying to put it in perspective.

02:15:41.000 Well, we weren't working.

02:15:42.000 Right.

02:15:43.000 But what was it worth today with the inflation?

02:15:46.000 Let's see, what was, I don't know.

02:15:48.000 Would you say like a couple hundred bucks?

02:15:50.000 Probably five bucks.

02:15:51.000 No, no, no, what was it?

02:15:52.000 Today.

02:15:52.000 Oh, so it's five times more?

02:15:53.000 Yeah.

02:15:54.000 Okay, so 250 bucks?

02:15:56.000 Yeah.

02:15:56.000 Oh, yeah.

02:15:57.000 Okay, so every time you work you got to eat and pay your rent and all that shit. 0.92

02:16:00.000 Yeah, a little bit of rent and a little bit of food.

02:16:02.000 What was like a month's rent in an apartment back then?

02:16:05.000 But we, but Lily Tomlin used to come and try out all her material here. 0.98

02:16:09.000 Oh, really?

02:16:09.000 And, uh, Does Steve Martin work here?

02:16:12.000 Yeah, Steve Martin.

02:16:13.000 David Letterman's contract is on the wall from him working here.

02:16:17.000 He got pissed off at teaching John because after we made it, when we made it big, we mentioned every club but the Ice House.

02:16:25.000 How come he didn't mention the Ice House?

02:16:26.000 I forgot about it. 1.00

02:16:30.000 Fucking Pasadena, man. 1.00

02:16:33.000 The Troubadour. 1.00

02:16:35.000 We mentioned the Troubadour.

02:16:36.000 Right.

02:16:37.000 A few other clubs.

02:16:38.000 This is my favorite club in the country.

02:16:40.000 And then the ISOs.

02:16:41.000 I mean, comedy-wise, we killed it.

02:16:44.000 He had a clean policy for years.

02:16:46.000 Did he really?

02:16:46.000 Oh, yeah.

02:16:47.000 That's hilarious.

02:16:48.000 Because now Joey Diaz does every Wednesday.

02:16:50.000 Who?

02:16:51.000 Do you know Joey Diaz?

02:16:52.000 Joey Diaz.

02:16:53.000 He's a good friend of ours.

02:16:54.000 He's on the podcast all the time, stand-up comedian, Cuban guy.

02:16:58.000 Oh, I'm thinking of Nick Diaz.

02:17:00.000 No, that's the fighter.

02:17:01.000 Yeah, the fighter.

02:17:02.000 I know what Diaz.

02:17:03.000 Yeah, no, Joey Diaz is probably the funniest guy on the planet.

02:17:06.000 Is he?

02:17:06.000 Yeah, he's my friend.

02:17:08.000 I've been friends with him for like 10 years.

02:17:09.000 I don't know anybody who makes me laugh more than that guy. 0.99

02:17:12.000 More than 10 years, shit. 0.99

02:17:13.000 Me and Joey have been friends for like 15, 16 years. 1.00

02:17:14.000 He's stand-up.

02:17:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:17:17.000 Yeah, he's hilarious. 0.99

02:17:18.000 Ridiculous. 1.00

02:17:19.000 Ridiculous pothead, too. 1.00

02:17:20.000 Oh, of course. 1.00

02:17:21.000 Every day.

02:17:22.000 He's going to start doing, Joey's going to start doing a new Ustream show two or three days a week by himself at 6 o'clock in the morning.

02:17:29.000 Because he gets up at 6 and he smokes weed and listens to music.

02:17:32.000 And then he goes for a walk and he'll go to his dispensary and he'll buy his weed.

02:17:36.000 And he's going to document it all on Ustream.

02:17:38.000 So every morning, you know, how many days a week he chooses to do this.

02:17:42.000 He's going to do at least twice, he says.

02:17:44.000 He's going to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning. 1.00

02:17:46.000 He goes, I'm going to put on a fucking lecture for these cocksuckers. 1.00

02:17:48.000 This is how he talks. 1.00

02:17:49.000 He goes, I want to play them the right music.

02:17:51.000 I'm going to get that Ustream working. 1.00

02:17:53.000 He goes every day, fuck it, I'm up anyway. 0.99

02:17:55.000 I'm up anyway. 1.00

02:17:56.000 6 o'clock, who am I going to bother?

02:17:57.000 And he works here all the time.

02:18:00.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, all the time.

02:18:01.000 Which is hilarious. 0.99

02:18:02.000 He's so dirty. 0.99

02:18:02.000 He's like one of the dirtiest guys ever. 0.99

02:18:04.000 And he's like a regular hero.

02:18:05.000 Well, staying above at first, you know, like Lily Tomlin and all the street laughing people, you know, they would come and make an appearance here.

02:18:14.000 Right.

02:18:14.000 It was very, very straight.

02:18:17.000 That's funny.

02:18:17.000 Well, times change, you know.

02:18:19.000 Well, Cheech and Chong, well, we did our act, you know.

02:18:21.000 We never held back.

02:18:23.000 Did anybody ever try to censor you?

02:18:25.000 Not really.

02:18:26.000 Lately.

02:18:27.000 Lately, we were at a casino in Biloxi.

02:18:31.000 In Mississippi?

02:18:32.000 In Mississippi.

02:18:34.000 And we're just about to do the show, you know, doing a sound check.

02:18:37.000 Got my son working the roadie.

02:18:40.000 And we're setting the mics up and that.

02:18:42.000 And then the guy comes up.

02:18:44.000 He's old, by the way.

02:18:46.000 I just want to remind you, you know, the chief is really religious.

02:18:51.000 And I said, you've got to really watch your language.

02:18:55.000 We looked at him.

02:18:56.000 What?

02:18:57.000 He said, yeah, you've got to watch it.

02:18:59.000 I said, well, what happens if we don't?

02:19:00.000 He said, well, he could pull the plug on you.

02:19:02.000 He's been known to do that.

02:19:04.000 Wow.

02:19:06.000 So I said, wow, okay.

02:19:08.000 So then I went and told Cheech, or the guy came in the dressing room, and I told Cheech, I said, Cheech, the guy wants us to do a clean show. 1.00

02:19:18.000 Cheech said, fuck that, man. 1.00

02:19:20.000 What motherfucker wants to do a clean show? 1.00

02:19:22.000 Tell me. 1.00

02:19:23.000 Is this a motherfucker? 1.00

02:19:24.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:19:25.000 I ain't doing no fucking clean show. 1.00

02:19:28.000 So what happened? 0.98

02:19:29.000 He knew Cheech was joking.

02:19:32.000 What we did, we cut down my wife's show. 1.00

02:19:35.000 Because she gets a little out there.

02:19:38.000 She gets graphic? 1.00

02:19:39.000 Well, she gets a little out there, you know, that would piss him off.

02:19:43.000 Cheech and John, we never did anything.

02:19:44.000 So it's a sexual thing he's worried about?

02:19:46.000 No, it was just the, what do you call it?

02:19:50.000 The producer.

02:19:51.000 Right, right.

02:19:52.000 But what was the content that they were worried about?

02:19:54.000 Was it bad words?

02:19:55.000 Bad words. 0.98

02:19:56.000 What it was, he's sucking up to the chief. 0.84

02:19:58.000 Right.

02:19:59.000 You know, what it was, he never told the chief who Cheech and Chong really were.

02:20:03.000 Oh.

02:20:03.000 See, now, at the last moment, he knew.

02:20:08.000 But the chief didn't know?

02:20:09.000 I guess. 0.99

02:20:10.000 How the fuck can you be a chief and not know who Cheech and Chong is? 0.99

02:20:14.000 Well. 1.00

02:20:14.000 How dare he? 1.00

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:16.000 But anyway, we, it never hurt. 1.00

02:20:20.000 What kind of fucking leader is that? 0.99

02:20:21.000 Cheech did do one bit where a couple of people got up and left. 1.00

02:20:26.000 Really?

02:20:27.000 Yeah.

02:20:27.000 What was the bit?

02:20:28.000 It was about his favorite director and he turned out to be...

02:20:33.000 Roman Polanski?

02:20:35.000 Rodriguez.

02:20:36.000 Paul Rodriguez?

02:20:37.000 No, Robert.

02:20:38.000 Robert Rodriguez.

02:20:39.000 Robert Rodriguez, because he had great dialogue in his movie. 1.00

02:20:42.000 Pussy, pussy, pussy. 1.00

02:20:43.000 You got hairy pussy. 1.00

02:20:45.000 No pussy. 1.00

02:20:46.000 Hairy, you know. 1.00

02:20:47.000 Right. 1.00

02:20:48.000 Bald pussy. 1.00

02:20:49.000 Black pussy. Yellow pussy. 1.00

02:20:51.000 Any kind of pussy. 1.00

02:20:51.000 Get it right here. 1.00

02:20:53.000 That was it. 1.00

02:20:54.000 And a couple of pussies got up. 0.99

02:20:56.000 We've heard enough. 1.00

02:20:58.000 Enough.

02:20:59.000 It's funny how people in comedy clubs want to change your act.

02:21:05.000 They want to drive the car.

02:21:08.000 They just want to have it over you.

02:21:11.000 They don't like the fact that you're getting all the tension.

02:21:14.000 The worst is when you get booked into a club, and then once you get there, especially when I was middling, I wasn't really making real money, and I would get sent to these clubs in the middle of nowhere, and you would get there, and they would have their own standards to impose on you.

02:21:30.000 I would get off stage, like, I don't know if anybody talks to you about the language, but you can't talk like that. 0.98

02:21:34.000 You better fucking fire me, because this is what I'm doing. 0.99

02:21:37.000 This is what I do. 0.99

02:21:38.000 There's only one way to make an audience, okay?

02:21:40.000 To get people to come back and see you, you've got to do what you actually do.

02:21:43.000 Because if you pretend that...

02:21:45.000 I got booked with my act.

02:21:46.000 This is my act.

02:21:47.000 I'm going to do it.

02:21:48.000 So she had to call the booking agent, and the booking agent was like, that's what I booked, and this is...

02:21:53.000 And she was just a manager. 0.99

02:21:55.000 Just a manager that decided she was going to be a censor. 1.00

02:21:58.000 It wasn't...

02:22:01.000 Her name wasn't Connie, was it?

02:22:03.000 No, it was somewhere in New York. 0.99

02:22:04.000 It was one of those fucking comedy clubs in the middle of nowhere. 0.99

02:22:09.000 I don't even remember where it was, what part of New York it was. 1.00

02:22:11.000 One of those weird little shitty clubs. 0.79

02:22:13.000 But that's the thing that a lot of comics have to go through. 1.00

02:22:15.000 Because club owners, you know, you don't want to take a chance and have some asshole come in and run all your customers out with his foul humor. 0.98

02:22:22.000 Well, I mean, you've got to listen to your homework. 0.99

02:22:26.000 Find out who you're booking on that stage.

02:22:27.000 Exactly.

02:22:28.000 I gave them a tape.

02:22:29.000 The tape had the same material that I was doing.

02:22:32.000 Back then, that's how you'd have to get a guy to make a VHS tape of you.

02:22:35.000 And then you could make copies of it with two VHS recorders connected together.

02:22:40.000 And you always had a friend who knew how to do that.

02:22:41.000 And he could edit it.

02:22:42.000 And the edits were terrible.

02:22:43.000 And there was like a big fuzzy pause in between sets that you did in different places.

02:22:48.000 So you'd send it out to a club.

02:22:49.000 And they'd go, oh, that guy's got a good act.

02:22:51.000 Alright, I'll book them.

02:22:52.000 And that's how you got work.

02:22:53.000 You have to send tapes out.

02:22:55.000 That would be a big part of your job.

02:22:56.000 Trying to go places and send tapes out.

02:23:00.000 When you guys were...

02:23:01.000 We had albums that we sent out.

02:23:04.000 That's what we did.

02:23:05.000 That's what it was?

02:23:06.000 That's what got people to come and see you guys?

02:23:08.000 Oh yeah.

02:23:08.000 Did you have to do radio or anything back in those days?

02:23:10.000 Tons of radio.

02:23:11.000 I still do radio.

02:23:12.000 To let people know you're in town?

02:23:14.000 I love doing radio.

02:23:15.000 How often are you on Twitter?

02:23:16.000 Cheech doesn't like...

02:23:17.000 I try to be, you know, every day, but...

02:23:20.000 Cheech doesn't like radio?

02:23:21.000 No.

02:23:21.000 No?

02:23:22.000 How come? 0.58

02:23:22.000 He's, you know, lazy. 0.58

02:23:24.000 He's lazy?

02:23:26.000 Is that what it is?

02:23:27.000 Yeah, basically.

02:23:29.000 Does he like acting more than performing?

02:23:31.000 Oh, yeah.

02:23:31.000 He loves acting.

02:23:33.000 He loves getting paid for, you know...

02:23:34.000 Just talk, pretend.

02:23:36.000 Sitting around, yeah.

02:23:37.000 Is that what it is?

02:23:37.000 He's not...

02:23:38.000 He doesn't...

02:23:40.000 He's not a threat to Mencia or anybody, you know.

02:23:44.000 Oh, on stage you mean?

02:23:45.000 Yeah.

02:23:45.000 I'm not even sure what that means.

02:23:50.000 So he doesn't like, he's like if it's not, he's not like going up on weeknights and working on...

02:23:56.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:23:58.000 In fact, he never, he went out, what did he do?

02:24:02.000 He went out and emceed Latin Kings of Comedy.

02:24:05.000 Right, right.

02:24:05.000 That's about it.

02:24:06.000 Did you ever ask him what it was like working with Don Johnson for all those years?

02:24:10.000 A little bit.

02:24:11.000 Cheech and I got a different...

02:24:12.000 I got to walk on tiptoes around him.

02:24:16.000 Oh really?

02:24:18.000 Is it because you guys just worked together for so long?

02:24:21.000 No, there is a few bad decisions made that we don't talk about.

02:24:29.000 You know, when we broke up, the bond was broken.

02:24:34.000 Right now, there's still memories.

02:24:38.000 It's almost like an ex-wife.

02:24:41.000 Get together for the kids.

02:24:43.000 That's weird, man.

02:24:44.000 What drove you guys apart?

02:24:46.000 Was it ego?

02:24:47.000 Was it money?

02:24:48.000 No, it was fear of not working, I think.

02:24:52.000 Fear of not working?

02:24:54.000 Yeah, well, as soon as he got offered...

02:24:57.000 Offered something on his own.

02:24:58.000 He took it.

02:25:00.000 Was it that or was it that he just wanted to be independent?

02:25:03.000 Wanted to be able to make his own money?

02:25:06.000 I think a lot of it.

02:25:07.000 He didn't like the fact that I was the alpha dog.

02:25:10.000 You were the guy who wrote everything?

02:25:12.000 Well, I'd direct it for sure.

02:25:15.000 I'd direct it.

02:25:15.000 And a lot of decisions.

02:25:16.000 I made all the decisions.

02:25:18.000 One of the decisions I made, we got offered a big television contract back in the day.

02:25:26.000 And I turned it down.

02:25:28.000 Big money.

02:25:30.000 I don't know how I did it, but I did it.

02:25:33.000 I just said that.

02:25:33.000 What were they trying to get you to do?

02:25:34.000 Was it a sitcom?

02:25:35.000 Well, it ended up being Chico and the Man.

02:25:38.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:25:39.000 In fact, Chico and the Man was one of our bits.

02:25:42.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:25:43.000 Jimmy Comax followed us around for about four months.

02:25:48.000 Chico and the Man was one of your bits?

02:25:51.000 Yeah.

02:25:51.000 How did it go?

02:25:52.000 What was it like?

02:25:53.000 Well, we did a bit called Old Man in the Park.

02:25:56.000 And the Chicano would come up with a... 0.93

02:26:00.000 He's a real tough guy and the old guy and him would have a little argument, you know, and I would insult him pretty bad.

02:26:09.000 And so they just copied that and turned it into a sitcom.

02:26:11.000 So what he did, he got an old man, Albert, and he got Chico, Freddie Prinze, and they turned it into a sitcom.

02:26:18.000 Yeah, and for folks who don't know, Freddie Prinze, for one small but brief moment in time, was one of the biggest stars in the country.

02:26:26.000 He was a huge television star.

02:26:28.000 Huge. 0.80

02:26:28.000 He went crazy and committed suicide. 0.80

02:26:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:26:30.000 And then they tried to do the show without him.

02:26:32.000 And that's one of the reasons that I turned down television.

02:26:36.000 Because I don't like losing control.

02:26:39.000 Right.

02:26:40.000 I found nothing works.

02:26:42.000 If I don't have control of something, we don't sell anything and nothing works.

02:26:47.000 Well, it's not going to be your vision.

02:26:48.000 It's going to be someone's idea of what your vision should be, and that's not the same thing.

02:26:52.000 What it is, it's someone's vision that doesn't have an offer.

02:26:57.000 It's a production company that goes, hey, I got a great idea.

02:27:00.000 You do a teacher, you're this.

02:27:02.000 And they're the ones who put up the money, so they want their way.

02:27:04.000 They want money and da-da-da-da.

02:27:06.000 And we try to sell a bunch of stuff lately, and no one's interested.

02:27:11.000 I mean, because no is the best filter in this town.

02:27:15.000 Just say no.

02:27:16.000 If the guy wants it bad enough, he'll keep at it until you say yes.

02:27:21.000 But when they say no to Cheech and Chong, it's like, oh, okay, next.

02:27:24.000 Let's go somewhere else.

02:27:25.000 Yeah, you guys are icons.

02:27:28.000 Together, you guys doing a comedy show is no fail.

02:27:30.000 It's like if you are a respectable stoner and Cheech and Chong coming in Denver, you've got to go see them.

02:27:35.000 Yeah, but what we have to do, like if it's on television, we can't have it watered down.

02:27:40.000 Right, right, right.

02:27:41.000 Why go on television?

02:27:42.000 Just stick with the internet, man.

02:27:44.000 Do something like this.

02:27:45.000 Have a Cheech and Chong Ustream show. 0.99

02:27:46.000 You guys fucking fill arenas every day of the week. 0.97

02:27:49.000 You do do like a YouTube show, or you used to, didn't you? 0.99

02:27:52.000 Or like a blog type video?

02:27:54.000 Yeah, I did.

02:27:54.000 I did a lot of that.

02:27:55.000 Yeah.

02:27:56.000 Those were really interesting.

02:27:58.000 Did you stop doing them?

02:27:59.000 Yeah, well, we went on tour and then I couldn't get the mics working.

02:28:04.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:28:06.000 You know, we don't have a...

02:28:07.000 My son actually set it up and we started off.

02:28:10.000 Where are you doing your podcast out of?

02:28:12.000 My house.

02:28:13.000 You're going to do it out of your house?

02:28:14.000 Are you setting up a studio there?

02:28:15.000 Yeah, I got it set up.

02:28:16.000 It's all set up.

02:28:17.000 Ready to go.

02:28:18.000 Why are you going to wait until September?

02:28:19.000 Well, my son gets back.

02:28:21.000 Oh, you want to do it with him?

02:28:22.000 I'm going to wait until he gets back and then kind of build up the anticipation.

02:28:26.000 Oh, that's a good idea.

02:28:28.000 You're clever.

02:28:29.000 Look at you, you marketing genius.

02:28:31.000 We never thought about that. 0.99

02:28:32.000 We just started out just fucking goofing on it. 0.93

02:28:35.000 I've never even tried to promote this thing. 0.86

02:28:37.000 This thing became this by itself.

02:28:39.000 But you could tell.

02:28:40.000 Look where it is.

02:28:41.000 It's a room.

02:28:42.000 No, what do you need?

02:28:44.000 A comedy club.

02:28:45.000 Yeah, that's all you do need. 1.00

02:28:46.000 A room with fucking cool shit on the wall and some mannequins that look like Brian's ex-girlfriend. 1.00

02:28:50.000 And a toilet that flushes. 1.00

02:28:52.000 And zombies.

02:28:53.000 Yeah, by the way, we're getting a bidet here, dude.

02:28:56.000 We're getting one of those electronic crazy things.

02:28:59.000 When it all happens, I'll mention it on the podcast.

02:29:01.000 It's a company that's offered to send us one of those cool Japanese butthole cleaning toilets. 1.00

02:29:07.000 Oh, I'm so psyched.

02:29:08.000 Yeah.

02:29:08.000 Yeah, those are amazing.

02:29:09.000 I was in Tokyo in the bathroom.

02:29:11.000 I couldn't get out of them.

02:29:12.000 They're wonderful.

02:29:13.000 They're wonderful.

02:29:14.000 Heated. 1.00

02:29:15.000 And it squirts water right in your asshole and you just don't want to get up. 1.00

02:29:18.000 Did you beat off? 1.00

02:29:19.000 Did you beat off?

02:29:19.000 No, I just sat there for like 10 minutes just letting it just do that.

02:29:23.000 Yeah, I beat off once.

02:29:24.000 Once during the weekend.

02:29:25.000 It was fantastic.

02:29:27.000 Great. 1.00

02:29:27.000 It's warm water tickling your butthole. 1.00

02:29:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:29:29.000 Woo! 0.99

02:29:30.000 Yeah.

02:29:30.000 Why is that so terrible?

02:29:32.000 How could it be so bad if it feels so good?

02:29:34.000 That's what I have to say.

02:29:35.000 Well, the Japanese are into cleanliness. 1.00

02:29:38.000 Pleasure, too. 1.00

02:29:39.000 They figured out a lot of shit about martial arts, too. 0.98

02:29:41.000 And they make a badass car. 0.98

02:29:43.000 Yeah, they are super clean people.

02:29:45.000 They used to take showers multiple times a day.

02:29:48.000 They evolved on a totally different line than Western America.

02:29:52.000 It's very fascinating to me when I look at Japanese culture.

02:29:55.000 I think it's amazing.

02:29:56.000 The samurai culture, the fact that there's so many martial arts, Aikido, Jiu-Jitsu, Karate...

02:30:00.000 All these different things come out of Japan.

02:30:02.000 So much comes out of Japan. 0.99

02:30:04.000 It's an amazing place.

02:30:05.000 It's a little tiny island.

02:30:06.000 Japan will take it and refine it.

02:30:08.000 They'll take somebody else's martial arts. 1.00

02:30:11.000 They took it from India. 0.99

02:30:12.000 Cars.

02:30:13.000 And they'll refine it into something.

02:30:16.000 The Prius.

02:30:17.000 I drive a Prius.

02:30:18.000 All my friends. 0.96

02:30:19.000 How dare you, you hippie? 1.00

02:30:20.000 Driving Priuses. 0.98

02:30:21.000 It's very hippie.

02:30:22.000 Yeah.

02:30:23.000 Everybody loves those things.

02:30:24.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:30:25.000 They're the perfect, don't give a shit about a car, a car you can have. 0.99

02:30:29.000 You know, just, there it is. 0.99

02:30:30.000 It's a car.

02:30:31.000 It gets me from here to there, and it's easy on gas, and you can put my golf clubs in.

02:30:35.000 It doesn't sound like a Shelby Mustang.

02:30:37.000 You know what I'm talking about?

02:30:38.000 Tommy Chong, when you fire up a Shelby GT500, and you hear that.

02:30:46.000 You can shift your own gears. 1.00

02:30:47.000 You feel like a fucking man again! 1.00

02:30:49.000 You feel alive! 1.00

02:30:51.000 Only trouble is, all you see in your future is traffic school. 0.99

02:30:54.000 Yeah, you know, you can't be an asshole with it, but even just regular driving. 0.98

02:30:59.000 When you have a car like a Mustang... 0.99

02:31:00.000 I tried to, you know, customize my Prius.

02:31:05.000 And so I... Changed the exhaust?

02:31:07.000 I had it lowered.

02:31:08.000 Really?

02:31:09.000 I had it on...

02:31:11.000 Hydraulics?

02:31:12.000 Hydraulics.

02:31:12.000 Wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose?

02:31:13.000 Or the weight of the hydraulics would make the gas mileage terrible?

02:31:16.000 No, no.

02:31:17.000 Forget gas.

02:31:18.000 I had dual pipes.

02:31:19.000 I had...

02:31:20.000 Did you really have all this stuff?

02:31:22.000 Yeah.

02:31:22.000 You really have hydraulics put in there?

02:31:24.000 I had it.

02:31:24.000 I had the taillights blacked out.

02:31:26.000 You murdered that bitch. 1.00

02:31:28.000 And then I ended up getting arrested, getting a ticket. 1.00

02:31:33.000 Really?

02:31:33.000 For everything.

02:31:34.000 Well, for the taillights, for sure.

02:31:36.000 And then I had to go to court, and the guy was a fan, and he says, well, come back at one o'clock, you know.

02:31:42.000 And so I come back at one.

02:31:43.000 I thought, you know, the judge is coming back, and I'll say, thank you, goodbye.

02:31:47.000 I had to stand up in front of the thing, how do you plead, and get a $10 fine. 0.99

02:31:54.000 Damn! 0.99

02:31:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:31:55.000 $10.

02:31:56.000 And wait for everybody.

02:31:57.000 $10 because your car had tinted brake lights?

02:32:01.000 Brake lights, yeah. 1.00

02:32:02.000 Silly bitches. 1.00

02:32:03.000 So I just took it right back to what it was. 1.00

02:32:07.000 No more statement.

02:32:09.000 But was it better looking once you did that to it?

02:32:11.000 Oh, it was phenomenal looking.

02:32:13.000 It looks so good because I can lower it right onto the ground.

02:32:16.000 Have you ever seen the Lotus car that they made out of hemp?

02:32:18.000 Yeah.

02:32:18.000 The hemp Lotus?

02:32:19.000 I think I have.

02:32:21.000 No, I don't.

02:32:21.000 We showed pictures of it on this podcast before.

02:32:25.000 By the way, the first car, you know that, was made out of hemp.

02:32:28.000 Henry Ford's first body panels made out of hemp.

02:32:32.000 And there's videos of him hitting it with a hammer.

02:32:34.000 Yeah.

02:32:34.000 And it bounces up.

02:32:35.000 People don't really believe like half the shit I say because I'm obviously no scientist and I'm half retarded. 0.98

02:32:41.000 But if you just watch some of the videos of what's capable and possible with the hemp that's constructed into body panels, it's amazing that they don't do it today to this day. 0.99

02:32:54.000 Well, they had the electric car, too.

02:32:56.000 I wonder how much it would cost to get...

02:32:58.000 This is a good question.

02:32:59.000 I'm going to put this out there to the universe.

02:33:01.000 How much would it cost to get a Corvette and replace all those fiberglass body panels with hemp and have it in the exact same shape?

02:33:10.000 I don't know.

02:33:11.000 I would be willing to spend a lot of money.

02:33:11.000 You've got to go with the can, man.

02:33:13.000 Dude, do it, please.

02:33:14.000 I'd be willing to spend a lot of money on that.

02:33:15.000 Go to the can, take a leak, and then we'll come back and wrap this up.

02:33:19.000 I just want to thank everyone that came to the Doug Benson taping that we did the other day.

02:33:24.000 People brought Olive Garden breadsticks to me and people stole Olive Garden menus and it's just ridiculous.

02:33:31.000 How fun was Vegas?

02:33:32.000 Oh, it was great.

02:33:33.000 How fun was Dice?

02:33:34.000 Dice, that was another thing.

02:33:36.000 I completely forgot about that.

02:33:37.000 We went to go see Dice, and I was really kind of in the back of my head thinking, all right, this is not going to be as good, I don't think.

02:33:43.000 Why would you think that?

02:33:44.000 I don't know.

02:33:45.000 For some reason, I just didn't think he was going to be as good in my head.

02:33:49.000 Don't say that on the show.

02:33:50.000 Well, I'm just being honest, but... 0.99

02:33:52.000 Shit, I understand you being honest. 1.00

02:33:53.000 He blew me away. 1.00

02:33:55.000 Oh, you didn't think I was gonna be good, huh? 1.00

02:33:57.000 This fucking guy. 1.00

02:33:59.000 His jokes per minute, like, he's just like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. 1.00

02:34:04.000 Red group over here.

02:34:04.000 Red group.

02:34:05.000 Whatever the fuck his name is. 1.00

02:34:07.000 This cocksucker. 1.00

02:34:08.000 No, I mean, like, with certain people, you know, after a while, you're like, I wonder if they still have it. 0.99

02:34:13.000 You know, and that's just what I kind of thought.

02:34:15.000 Never doubted for a moment that we would have it.

02:34:18.000 Never doubted.

02:34:18.000 I've always been a Dice Clay fan.

02:34:20.000 Watching, when I used to work at the comedy store, I used to love to watch them get angry and yell at people.

02:34:25.000 Like, he always Dice Mean.

02:34:27.000 You know, he brings it up to this day, because I always say, I love when Dice Mean comes out.

02:34:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:34:31.000 Fucking torture people! 1.00

02:34:33.000 And he's in character, so the shit he says is so crazy. 1.00

02:34:36.000 His character is, in my opinion, one of the funniest characters in the history of comedy. 0.99

02:34:41.000 And a lot of people misunderstand it.

02:34:43.000 And a lot of people get mad at him and say, no, this is misogynism, this is racism, this is how he really thinks.

02:34:51.000 You couldn't be further from the truth.

02:34:53.000 You couldn't be more wrong.

02:34:54.000 He's a combination of reality and fiction.

02:34:57.000 He's a human walking amalgamage... 0.91

02:35:00.000 What is the word?

02:35:01.000 Amalgamism? 0.93

02:35:02.000 Amalgamism? 0.93

02:35:03.000 Quickly.

02:35:04.000 Amalgamism? 0.93

02:35:04.000 No. 0.93

02:35:05.000 What is the word?

02:35:07.000 Amalgamize when you amalgamize?

02:35:08.000 What the hell is the word?

02:35:10.000 Human amalgamism?

02:35:11.000 No, that's not the word.

02:35:13.000 You're using too big of words.

02:35:14.000 Yeah, well, whatever it is.

02:35:15.000 He's a combination of reality and his creation.

02:35:19.000 Yeah.

02:35:19.000 He's Dice Clay.

02:35:20.000 And when you watch him, you understand.

02:35:22.000 If you go and watch a full hour set, he doesn't mean what he's saying.

02:35:27.000 We came backstage after the show.

02:35:29.000 Who is this?

02:35:30.000 Dice Clay.

02:35:30.000 Oh, yeah.

02:35:31.000 We came backstage after the show, and he was so happy that we were there.

02:35:33.000 It came with Jim Norton and Anthony Cumia from Opium Anthem.

02:35:37.000 Robert Kelly.

02:35:38.000 Robert Kelly and Brian and Sam Roberts.

02:35:41.000 And so we all came backstage.

02:35:42.000 We're telling him how great it was and everything.

02:35:44.000 He was so happy.

02:35:45.000 But he tells you his formula.

02:35:47.000 He goes, I do no research.

02:35:49.000 He goes, I'm wrong about everything I say.

02:35:51.000 But I say it with such conviction.

02:35:54.000 He knows what he's doing.

02:35:56.000 It's his creation. 0.98

02:35:58.000 And it was fucking awesome. 0.98

02:35:59.000 We had a great time. 0.99

02:36:00.000 That was some of the hardest I've laughed at stand-up comedy in a while.

02:36:04.000 He's got that great New York attitude.

02:36:07.000 It's an attitude.

02:36:08.000 Yeah.

02:36:08.000 Well, he's perfected that.

02:36:10.000 He's exaggerated it. 0.98

02:36:11.000 He's so goofy. 0.96

02:36:13.000 The gangster types, you know, they'll do it every time. 0.96

02:36:16.000 I remember one time I was in Banff.

02:36:17.000 We're at some convention or something.

02:36:19.000 And the mountains are beautiful.

02:36:22.000 Where's Banff?

02:36:24.000 Banff, Alberta.

02:36:25.000 It's in the Rocky Mountains.

02:36:25.000 It's like Denver.

02:36:26.000 In the middle of the ski area. 0.98

02:36:29.000 And we're standing outside and this New York guy looks around and he goes, Ain't nature a cocksucker? 0.97

02:36:38.000 I bet it was Joey Diaz. 0.97

02:36:40.000 He's never been to Canada.

02:36:43.000 I mean, that's it.

02:36:47.000 That is what a guy from New York would say, too.

02:36:49.000 Yeah, there's that style of humor that's really not like anywhere else.

02:36:54.000 That New York attitude, it's a very different sort of...

02:36:57.000 It's endearing to a certain extent, irritating and retarded, you know, for the most part. 1.00

02:37:02.000 But there's parts of it, like when Dice nails it, that's so endearing.

02:37:06.000 That's the greatest thing about it, Zach.

02:37:09.000 That was really fun.

02:37:10.000 He was funny.

02:37:11.000 I loved Dice, man.

02:37:12.000 You know, when he did the movie, I was so sad.

02:37:16.000 Oh, God.

02:37:17.000 He wasn't good.

02:37:17.000 He had such a shot.

02:37:19.000 He had a shot.

02:37:20.000 Yeah.

02:37:20.000 But all he had to do was get a Dice Clay to direct it.

02:37:24.000 Right, right, right.

02:37:25.000 That's all he needed.

02:37:25.000 Well, that was also while the protests were going on.

02:37:28.000 People were protesting his act.

02:37:29.000 Women's group were protesting. 0.84

02:37:31.000 Gays were protesting. 0.72

02:37:32.000 Well, yeah, no, but you can't go backwards, you know. 1.00

02:37:34.000 You can't take that shit back. 1.00

02:37:36.000 Edge, yeah, take the edge back. 1.00

02:37:38.000 What you got to do is make him your friend, like you do, you know.

02:37:41.000 Well, he didn't have the internet back then, so you needed someone to put you in something.

02:37:45.000 You needed someone to, you know, unless you were doing just concerts.

02:37:48.000 Yeah, but I mean, he's a good actor.

02:37:51.000 Yeah, he is a good actor.

02:37:52.000 He's a fine actor.

02:37:52.000 I saw him in another movie, a little low-budget movie, and he played a serious role.

02:37:57.000 Well, that's why he's such a good comic.

02:37:59.000 He's got performance chops.

02:38:01.000 He's got timing.

02:38:01.000 Yeah, yeah, he's got timing.

02:38:03.000 Great timing.

02:38:03.000 It was really fun.

02:38:04.000 We saw him at the Riviera, which is also like stepping into a time capsule.

02:38:08.000 Because the Riviera has photos on the wall from the 1950s.

02:38:10.000 Oh, this is in Vegas?

02:38:12.000 Yeah, Vegas.

02:38:12.000 At the top of the Riv.

02:38:13.000 Yeah, the theater at the top.

02:38:15.000 He does a bunch of shows there, apparently.

02:38:17.000 He does it all the time.

02:38:17.000 I worked there with my wife.

02:38:19.000 Oh, did you?

02:38:20.000 Yeah, Shelby. 1.00

02:38:21.000 Shelby, you know, she's a... 1.00

02:38:23.000 I invented her, basically.

02:38:26.000 Right.

02:38:26.000 You know, she's never been on stage.

02:38:29.000 You made her get on stage? 1.00

02:38:30.000 No, but I wanted her to come on the roll with me.

02:38:33.000 Oh, that's awesome.

02:38:34.000 I said, I'll put you in the show, because she was taking acting.

02:38:37.000 And so she said, okay, right away, you know, get her job, she'll do it.

02:38:40.000 So she did five minutes, you know, introduced me.

02:38:43.000 Did you write her material?

02:38:44.000 Yeah, I wrote quite a bit of her stuff, you know.

02:38:47.000 And I got her going, and she's doing good.

02:38:51.000 Now she's happening, you know.

02:38:53.000 And so we're doing club after club, and we're doing really good, and people are loving her and that.

02:38:58.000 And so we get a gig booked with Bobcat.

02:39:02.000 Bobcat Goldflay?

02:39:03.000 Yeah, Bobcat Goldflay.

02:39:06.000 And Bobcat had just dumped his wife for a young girl, and Shelby mentioned it in her show.

02:39:15.000 Like she's just doing her show.

02:39:17.000 And she said, oh yeah, Bobcat, you got the new wife, yeah. 0.99

02:39:21.000 Something, blah, blah, blah.

02:39:24.000 Bobcat almost had a miscarriage.

02:39:29.000 He was literally crying to me.

02:39:32.000 Crying?

02:39:32.000 Yeah.

02:39:33.000 In tears?

02:39:33.000 He said, did you hear what your wife said to me, said about me?

02:39:37.000 And I looked at her and I said, am I in the wrong club or something?

02:39:43.000 You know, this is a comedy club.

02:39:45.000 This is what you do.

02:39:46.000 This is what you do.

02:39:48.000 It's just a new wife, right? 1.00

02:39:49.000 Why is that bad?

02:39:50.000 Why is it bad to have a new wife? 1.00

02:39:52.000 If you're in love with someone enough to marry him, why is it bad?

02:39:56.000 What it was is that Bobcat has never really considered himself a comic.

02:40:00.000 What?

02:40:01.000 No.

02:40:02.000 He's a movie director or something.

02:40:05.000 He's never really considered himself...

02:40:07.000 But he was for a long time.

02:40:09.000 Oh, he was.

02:40:09.000 He did his act.

02:40:10.000 But it was a character.

02:40:14.000 But I'm pretty sure he still does stand-up, and now he's done.

02:40:16.000 Probably does.

02:40:17.000 I think he got over that character, and now he does himself.

02:40:20.000 We had him on the podcast.

02:40:21.000 No, no, he's very talented and all that. 1.00

02:40:25.000 But he cried like a little fucking baby. 1.00

02:40:28.000 And he wanted me to. 1.00

02:40:29.000 What do you want me to do? 0.99

02:40:31.000 Go slap my wife? 1.00

02:40:31.000 What year was this? 1.00

02:40:34.000 In the 90s.

02:40:34.000 Yeah, see, he hadn't gotten on the internet yet.

02:40:36.000 He was a baby.

02:40:38.000 Like all of us.

02:40:39.000 Oh, maybe not.

02:40:39.000 Children of the times.

02:40:41.000 Yeah.

02:40:41.000 I mean, we all needed to be educated.

02:40:43.000 I mean, you get sensitive?

02:40:44.000 Yeah.

02:40:45.000 You know, in a comedy club?

02:40:46.000 I mean, anybody else, you know, you take your hits with everybody else, you know?

02:40:51.000 That is true.

02:40:52.000 Yeah.

02:40:53.000 Yeah.

02:40:54.000 But he was...

02:40:55.000 And Craig...

02:40:56.000 Especially at a comedy club.

02:40:56.000 Craig was there.

02:40:57.000 Same place?

02:40:58.000 Kansas City?

02:40:59.000 No, no, no.

02:40:59.000 This was in...

02:41:00.000 In Vegas, at the top of the river.

02:41:02.000 And he was there? 0.99

02:41:03.000 Was he killing hookers? 1.00

02:41:04.000 What was he doing? 1.00

02:41:05.000 He came with some weird chick.

02:41:09.000 Yeah.

02:41:09.000 But Bobcat.

02:41:11.000 And Bobcat was, oh, he was so mad.

02:41:16.000 Well, some comics do wear their heart in their sleeve. 0.96

02:41:20.000 A lot of us got into comedy because we're fucked up in the first place. 0.93

02:41:23.000 That's a big percentage. 0.93

02:41:26.000 I give him a mulligan for the 90s.

02:41:30.000 You got it, right?

02:41:31.000 I really enjoyed having him on the podcast, too.

02:41:34.000 Although I still have not seen God Bless America.

02:41:36.000 Did you see it, Brian?

02:41:36.000 No, I haven't.

02:41:37.000 Which one?

02:41:38.000 He just directed a new movie that people are almost unanimously praising.

02:41:43.000 Yeah, he's very talented.

02:41:44.000 I've heard over and over again that it's amazing.

02:41:45.000 He's a very talented guy.

02:41:47.000 I've got to check it out, but it seems kind of dark.

02:41:50.000 I don't want him to bum me out.

02:41:53.000 Isn't it funny how that is now?

02:41:54.000 Have you seen Ted's?

02:41:55.000 No, I haven't.

02:41:56.000 Go see it.

02:41:57.000 I mean, going there, you know, expecting to laugh.

02:42:02.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

02:42:03.000 Good laughs.

02:42:04.000 Well, I love Seth MacFarlane.

02:42:06.000 He's got a great attitude.

02:42:07.000 I like that dude.

02:42:08.000 I like listening to him when he does interviews.

02:42:11.000 I like his attitude.

02:42:13.000 I met him once.

02:42:14.000 He was super nice.

02:42:15.000 And what's the guy, the star, Marky Mark?

02:42:17.000 Mark Wahlberg.

02:42:18.000 He's really good. 0.99

02:42:19.000 He's getting a little bit too anal for me, though. 1.00

02:42:24.000 Anal? 0.99

02:42:24.000 Yeah, he's getting weird. 0.99

02:42:26.000 He's getting weird?

02:42:27.000 You get weird with you?

02:42:27.000 I don't know.

02:42:28.000 He's talking about, you know, he was doing the movie and he memorizes all his lines.

02:42:35.000 Right.

02:42:35.000 He comes prepared.

02:42:37.000 Right.

02:42:37.000 You know, I mean, like, so?

02:42:40.000 What was the context of him saying this?

02:42:43.000 Well, he had a lot of dialogue naming girls.

02:42:46.000 Right.

02:42:47.000 And he could rattle it off with no problem, you know.

02:42:52.000 Whereas most actors, you know.

02:42:54.000 And he nailed a few.

02:42:55.000 Randy Gotore told me an awesome story this past weekend about Jean-Claude Van Damme.

02:43:00.000 And ordinarily, I wouldn't tell it, but it just seems like this one you can get away with.

02:43:04.000 Yeah.

02:43:05.000 And especially Randy.

02:43:06.000 Randy was saying that Jean-Claude would come into set after partying all night.

02:43:10.000 He would forget his line.

02:43:11.000 And he would hold his hands up like this, like this, like to tell them to give him his line.

02:43:15.000 Yeah.

02:43:15.000 Apparently just still partying.

02:43:18.000 Jean-Claude Van Damme still going at it hard.

02:43:20.000 You gotta love it, you know?

02:43:22.000 Showing up to the set, just hammered.

02:43:24.000 That's his lines.

02:43:25.000 Well, that's what I'm talking about.

02:43:27.000 Like Wahlberg, all of a sudden, he's turned into this perfect guy.

02:43:31.000 He's evolving.

02:43:33.000 I don't know.

02:43:33.000 And happier this way, maybe.

02:43:35.000 I don't know.

02:43:36.000 I like him in things.

02:43:37.000 He did a really, really, really good job.

02:43:40.000 Yeah.

02:43:40.000 But I think he's getting a little bit too...

02:43:42.000 Too anal. 0.99

02:43:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:43:44.000 Need to get him high. 0.99

02:43:45.000 Is that what you're saying?

02:43:45.000 You want to get Marky Mark high?

02:43:48.000 He said, like his kids, well, he'll never take his kids to see this Ted, you know.

02:43:55.000 Really?

02:43:56.000 Yeah.

02:43:56.000 Because it's too graphic?

02:43:57.000 Because Ted's potty mouth. 0.64

02:43:59.000 Uh-huh. 0.70

02:43:59.000 Right. 0.70

02:44:01.000 I don't know.

02:44:01.000 Is he trying to change his image or something?

02:44:04.000 Maybe it's his wife.

02:44:05.000 Maybe his wife's real conservative. 1.00

02:44:06.000 Who knows?

02:44:07.000 Maybe he's trying to change his image.

02:44:08.000 Maybe it's just he's a businessman.

02:44:10.000 He's making a business decision.

02:44:12.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:44:13.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:44:14.000 Tommy Chong just insinuated that Mark Wahlberg may in fact be a bitch. 1.00

02:44:20.000 I can't believe he just went there. 0.99

02:44:21.000 We need to get you high again.

02:44:23.000 Whatever you smoke before the show wore off.

02:44:25.000 I like Ted, though, the teddy bear.

02:44:28.000 I can't wait for it.

02:44:30.000 I think the sequel is going to be even a better one.

02:44:33.000 You keep saying that. 0.99

02:44:34.000 You're crazy. 0.99

02:44:35.000 I think the next one is just going to be... 0.98

02:44:37.000 Well, as long as you keep the same director.

02:44:39.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:44:40.000 Because I think they'll find more weird things for the teddy bear to do.

02:44:44.000 Yeah, totally.

02:44:45.000 I can't wait to see it.

02:44:47.000 I can't wait to see it.

02:44:47.000 That's good.

02:44:48.000 I'm looking forward to that.

02:44:49.000 Mila, Mila Kunis.

02:44:51.000 Oh my god, so beautiful.

02:44:52.000 You like that, huh?

02:44:53.000 Well, I worked with her for years on that 70s show.

02:44:56.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

02:44:57.000 What was it like doing that show?

02:44:58.000 I got a Mila connection now.

02:45:00.000 Did you enjoy it?

02:45:01.000 I really enjoyed it.

02:45:02.000 Did anybody on that show ever try to convert you into Scientology?

02:45:06.000 Not really, no.

02:45:07.000 Not really?

02:45:09.000 No.

02:45:09.000 I mean, they helped me with some medical things.

02:45:12.000 I was hacking and coughing.

02:45:14.000 Scientology helped you with some medical things?

02:45:15.000 No, Danny.

02:45:16.000 Danny, he got me into vitamin C drip.

02:45:19.000 Have you ever heard of that?

02:45:20.000 Is Danny a Scientologist?

02:45:21.000 Yeah.

02:45:21.000 Yeah, and so is Laura Prepon, right?

02:45:23.000 Yeah.

02:45:24.000 Is it interesting how many actors are Scientologists, isn't it?

02:45:27.000 Well, it's like acting school, you know, when you think about it.

02:45:31.000 Yeah.

02:45:32.000 It's the ultimate acting school.

02:45:33.000 They teach you how to act in public.

02:45:35.000 Really?

02:45:36.000 Is that what it is?

02:45:36.000 And how to control people.

02:45:38.000 Yeah.

02:45:39.000 That's why they stare at people.

02:45:39.000 Did you ever get involved in it?

02:45:41.000 A little bit.

02:45:42.000 One time teaching.

02:45:43.000 We had a series of managers when we were coming up, trying to make it.

02:45:49.000 And this one guy, we didn't know he was a Scientologist until he got us booked in this club, or this hall in Hollywood.

02:45:57.000 And so before we'd go on stage, every time Cheech would have to go take a dump.

02:46:02.000 So Cheech comes back and he goes, this is a weird place, man.

02:46:06.000 You know what they got written on the walls there?

02:46:10.000 I was thrown into the malstream of the universe. 1.00

02:46:15.000 Instead of here I sit broken hearted, it's the malstream of the universe and it's all the Scientology bullshit. 1.00

02:46:22.000 Wow, while you're taking a dump. 0.99

02:46:24.000 Yeah, and so we went on stage and they're all staring at us.

02:46:28.000 They stare.

02:46:29.000 They stare.

02:46:30.000 They just stare at us.

02:46:32.000 Stepford wives, right? 0.89

02:46:33.000 They kind of, I guess they like the show.

02:46:36.000 We worked there a couple of times.

02:46:40.000 Wow.

02:46:40.000 It was fun, though.

02:46:42.000 Well, listen, man, you gotta let us know when the animated movie comes out, so we'll tweet the shit out of it. 0.95

02:46:47.000 Yeah.

02:46:47.000 And let us know when your podcast comes out.

02:46:49.000 Absolutely.

02:46:50.000 We're just gonna call it a podcast.

02:46:51.000 That's what you're gonna call it?

02:46:52.000 Podcast.

02:46:53.000 You know, there was already a podcast.

02:46:55.000 Did you know that?

02:46:55.000 A podcast.

02:46:56.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter, right?

02:46:58.000 I used to do one.

02:47:00.000 Yeah, you used to do a podcast.

02:47:02.000 And just smoke it?

02:47:03.000 That was what it was called.

02:47:04.000 It was called a podcast, but the girl I did it with was an actress, and she's like, you know what, I need to probably maybe name it something else.

02:47:13.000 We called it a popcast.

02:47:15.000 This is ruining my image.

02:47:17.000 I'm being connected with something awesome, and I'm not comfortable with that.

02:47:22.000 It may limit me from lying and bullshitting and pretending to be someone I'm not.

02:47:26.000 Makes him nervous. 0.99

02:47:28.000 Listen, man, you've been a hero to the marijuana movement and the comedy movement and everything for fucking decades, man. 0.79

02:47:33.000 It's an honor to do a podcast with you.

02:47:35.000 When I was a little kid, listening to those albums at my parents' house, I never would have imagined that we'd be able to do this.

02:47:41.000 So thank you very much for doing this.

02:47:42.000 My pleasure.

02:47:43.000 And did I tell you I got cancer?

02:47:44.000 Yeah, you did.

02:47:45.000 We went over that.

02:47:46.000 That's my new thing to ride on now.

02:47:49.000 That's your new hook?

02:47:50.000 I'm going to ride that.

02:47:51.000 That's your hook?

02:47:52.000 I'm going to ride that forever.

02:47:53.000 The cancer hook's a good hook.

02:47:54.000 Yeah, it is.

02:47:54.000 People love you.

02:47:55.000 Go see the guys.

02:47:57.000 Might be going soon.

02:48:00.000 You're going to be around for a while.

02:48:01.000 Keep laughing and eating healthy. 0.58

02:48:03.000 Apparently, if I get the right finger up my butt, I'll be okay. 0.56

02:48:06.000 I think we got that. 0.97

02:48:07.000 If you need help.

02:48:08.000 Brian has a magic finger.

02:48:10.000 Show me magic finger, Brian.

02:48:11.000 No.

02:48:11.000 This show's over.

02:48:12.000 Okay.

02:48:13.000 A creepy ending.

02:48:14.000 Thank you to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of Alpha Brain, and now the new whole sports fitness aspect to it we have in the company with kettlebells and battle ropes and protein powders coming soon and all the questions about all the different supplements.

02:48:29.000 Go to Onnit.com.

02:48:31.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. And use the code name ROGAN, you'll get 10% off all supplements. 0.96

02:48:36.000 Doesn't count for weightlifting shit, though, because the margins on these are very low. 0.99

02:48:41.000 It's as cheap as we can possibly sell them to send cannonballs through the fucking mail. 1.00

02:48:45.000 So go check that out. 0.99

02:48:46.000 And thanks to The Fleshlight.

02:48:47.000 Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight.

02:48:49.000 Use the codename ROGAN and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

02:48:55.000 And thanks to Alienware Computers for constantly supporting Mixed Martial Arts.

02:49:00.000 That's why we're using them for this podcast.

02:49:01.000 Alienware isn't even a sponsor of the podcast.

02:49:03.000 We just want to thank them.

02:49:04.000 Two different guys at this past UFC were sponsored by Alienware.

02:49:09.000 Omega Madoff and I forget the other guy's name.

02:49:12.000 I think that's how you say the guy's name.

02:49:15.000 Khabib.

02:49:15.000 The guy had a crazy long-ass Russian name and he beat Gleason Tebow.

02:49:19.000 Great fighter.

02:49:20.000 And thanks to Alienware on MMA. Go to Alienware MMA on Twitter.

02:49:26.000 Yeah, Alienware MMA on Twitter.

02:49:27.000 Tommy Chong on Twitter.

02:49:29.000 Redband on Twitter.

02:49:30.000 I'm Joe Rogan.

02:49:31.000 And we'll see you tomorrow with Kevin Pereira.

02:49:33.000 And then Wednesday, we got Adam Kokesh from Adam vs.

02:49:36.000 The Man.

02:49:37.000 And we also have a Wednesday Death Squad show in the main room.

02:49:40.000 It's going to be a super show.

02:49:41.000 It's going to be one of the bigger shows.

02:49:43.000 And then...

02:49:44.000 Who's on it?

02:49:45.000 I can't tell you.

02:49:46.000 It's a secret.

02:49:47.000 You can tell me.

02:49:47.000 It's a secret.

02:49:48.000 Is Joe Rogan going to be on it?

02:49:49.000 Joe Rogan's on it. 1.00

02:49:50.000 That's right, you dirty bitches. 1.00

02:49:50.000 And Joe Rogan, you might actually also be at Comic-Con with us, right? 1.00

02:49:53.000 I will.

02:49:54.000 Friday.

02:49:55.000 Tickets are on sale at AmericanComedyCo.com or DeathSquad.tv.

02:49:58.000 We're going to be there Thursday and Friday.

02:50:00.000 And I think Joe's just going to be there Friday.

02:50:02.000 Yeah, just on Friday.

02:50:03.000 I'll be there Friday night. 0.99

02:50:04.000 I've got to check out this Comic-Con thing and see what the fuck is going down. 0.94

02:50:07.000 Alright folks, we've got a lot of shows this week, a lot of shows next week, and a lot of people I'm still trying to get on the hook. 0.70

02:50:13.000 Thanks for all the support and all the cool vibes you send out there.

02:50:17.000 We appreciate it.

02:50:17.000 We love you guys as much as you love us.

02:50:20.000 We're not going anywhere. 1.00

02:50:21.000 We'll see you dirty bitches soon. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 09, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #237 - Tommy Chong

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