The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #255 - Duncan Trussell

00:00:04.000 What?

00:00:05.000 It's just a bad noise.

00:00:12.000 This is my granddad's flannel.

00:00:14.000 I want you to wear it.

00:00:16.000 Doctor, you're making me very, very uncomfortable.

00:00:22.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:00:27.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. 1.00

00:00:31.000 Shroom Tech.

00:00:32.000 Shroom Tech's...

00:00:33.000 I gotta take my Alpha Brain. 1.00

00:00:33.000 I already took it once, but fuck it. 1.00

00:00:35.000 This is a late night podcast. 1.00

00:00:37.000 My man, Duncan Trussell.

00:00:39.000 Hello, friends.

00:00:40.000 We had to do another podcast today, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:43.000 We couldn't just leave well enough alone.

00:00:46.000 You want some of these, buddy?

00:00:47.000 I would love some.

00:00:49.000 Here we go.

00:00:50.000 Can you snort these?

00:00:53.000 I guess you probably could.

00:00:55.000 Probably wouldn't be the right way to do it.

00:01:01.000 What are nootropics?

00:01:03.000 All the information is available on Onnit.com and that's what AlphaBrain is.

00:01:07.000 It's a nootropic.

00:01:08.000 Essentially it's a blend of nutrients that's been designed to enhance the way your brain functions.

00:01:14.000 Go to Onnit.com for all the details.

00:01:17.000 It's O-N-N-I-T, and they can explain to you what are the findings behind each ingredient that has been designed to give you a nice boost.

00:01:28.000 It's not like anything that's going to change you and make you a smart person, but it's going to make your brain function at a good level.

00:01:36.000 But we guarantee you, we'll raise your IQ by 20 points.

00:01:39.000 No, Duncan, you're just making that up!

00:01:42.000 You can't do that in the middle of a commercial on the internet.

00:01:44.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:01:45.000 You just fucked everything up, buddy. 0.98

00:01:47.000 I didn't finish the sentence. 1.00

00:01:48.000 You fucked up the whole world. 0.99

00:01:50.000 Yeah, you don't have to finish the sentence. 0.99

00:01:52.000 It's written somewhere. 0.99

00:01:54.000 I'll tell you, it's going to need some of these fucking alpha brands. 0.99

00:01:56.000 Who? 0.99

00:01:56.000 The people living in Dallas, Texas right now getting dusted with the poison they're spraying over to kill those mosquitoes at West Nile. 0.99

00:02:04.000 What?

00:02:05.000 They're publicly chemtrailing Dallas with some kind of insecticide because these mosquitoes there have West Nile virus.

00:02:13.000 Nine people have died so far. 0.99

00:02:14.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:02:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:16.000 That's no fun.

00:02:17.000 And there's people who are just writing about it.

00:02:18.000 Someone just wrote...

00:02:19.000 Hey, let's get through with this and then we'll talk about that.

00:02:21.000 Let's get through this commercial real quick.

00:02:23.000 Let's do it.

00:02:24.000 Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. 0.87

00:02:25.000 The alpha brain has got him speaking crazy.

00:02:28.000 He wants to get to the subject before the commercial's even over. 0.99

00:02:31.000 He's insane. 0.95

00:02:33.000 Gotta go. 1.00

00:02:33.000 Duncan Trussell's insane. 1.00

00:02:35.000 There's a lot to cover.

00:02:37.000 We have so much to cover.

00:02:38.000 New to Onnit.com, we have this hemp protein powder called Hemp Force, which is amazing.

00:02:44.000 Naturally sweetened with stevia.

00:02:47.000 Macca and raw cocoa are also in it.

00:02:49.000 Raw cocoa is a...

00:02:51.000 A great antioxidant.

00:02:52.000 It's really delicious too.

00:02:53.000 It's the best tasting protein I've ever had and the easiest to digest.

00:02:57.000 Because it's a hemp protein, it doesn't make you feel bloated at all.

00:03:00.000 Your body has like a really easy time digesting it.

00:03:03.000 So I like it if I have to work out in like an hour or something like that.

00:03:06.000 I can get away with it where I couldn't if like it's a whey protein. 0.99

00:03:09.000 I might get a little bit more farty up in this bitch. 1.00

00:03:12.000 What is that? 0.99

00:03:12.000 It's cheese. 0.99

00:03:13.000 It's whey.

00:03:14.000 It's whey is like a milk product.

00:03:15.000 When I drink muscle milk, forget it.

00:03:17.000 It's like living inside a coffin in my office.

00:03:20.000 Yeah, well, your body's not really supposed to be processing that kind of milk, because it's milk without all the digestive enzymes.

00:03:28.000 You're supposed to drink milk only from your mother, right?

00:03:30.000 That's it.

00:03:31.000 But if you're going to drink milk from an animal, cow's milk is the way to go, raw.

00:03:36.000 Make sure they have an organic diet of grass.

00:03:38.000 They just eat grass.

00:03:39.000 And then that milk is actually really nutritious for you.

00:03:41.000 And it has built in, like there's enzymes in it and all the stuff that gets killed when you pasteurize it.

00:03:49.000 And that stuff is what makes it easier for you to tolerate.

00:03:52.000 So people who are lactose intolerant, oftentimes if you get them to drink natural milk, they have no problem with it.

00:03:58.000 This is like, you know how you think of videos that you'd like to see, like if you had five videos that you could see from any point in time?

00:04:07.000 Like you could go anywhere in time and see YouTube clips?

00:04:11.000 I would give anything to see the first man to drink milk from a cow. 0.99

00:04:17.000 That first person who figured out that you could fucking do that like that. 0.98

00:04:20.000 We have so much to talk about, dude. 0.98

00:04:22.000 Let's get through these commercials because we're going to miss all the people that listen to us on Sirius.

00:04:26.000 They're not going to get that part.

00:04:27.000 Oops.

00:04:28.000 They've been complaining. 1.00

00:04:30.000 We have long-ass fucking commercials. 0.99

00:04:31.000 I'm not that good at this. 0.99

00:04:33.000 This part I'm not good at.

00:04:34.000 Onnit.com.

00:04:35.000 Go get yourself some kettlebells. 1.00

00:04:36.000 Become a fucking manly man. 1.00

00:04:37.000 Alright? 1.00

00:04:38.000 I'm talking clean presses, Turkish get-ups. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Get with it, son.

00:04:43.000 If you want to get physically fit.

00:04:45.000 Garrington flips. 0.97

00:04:46.000 If you want to fucking throw some strength into your body and put a little pep in your step, go get yourself some kettlebells. 0.98

00:04:54.000 Body weight squats, chin-ups, kettlebells. 0.99

00:04:57.000 You're done.

00:04:58.000 You don't need anything else.

00:04:59.000 Get three different weights.

00:05:00.000 Get a 35, a 50 when you're feeling cocky, and a 70 once you're cock-strong from doing it for a while.

00:05:07.000 And you're good.

00:05:07.000 You never have to buy any weights equipment ever.

00:05:10.000 Done.

00:05:10.000 For life.

00:05:11.000 Fuck a gym. 1.00

00:05:12.000 But, then how are you gonna get laid, Duncan? 1.00

00:05:15.000 Didn't the guy try to fuck you recently at the gym? 1.00

00:05:17.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:05:18.000 I tried to fuck a guy at the gym. 1.00

00:05:20.000 No, didn't the guy try to, like, walk you to your car? 1.00

00:05:22.000 Yeah, I was really uncomfortable.

00:05:27.000 Because the guy's like, hey, yeah, can I walk you to your car?

00:05:32.000 It was like the end of the workout.

00:05:34.000 No one's asked ever in my life to walk me to my car.

00:05:39.000 That's so crazy to be hunted.

00:05:41.000 But my mind tried to process it.

00:05:43.000 It was like, walk me to my car. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Oh, you're trying to fuck. 1.00

00:05:47.000 Oh, God. 1.00

00:05:49.000 You want a quick little sweaty fuck in your car right after the gym. 1.00

00:05:55.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:05:56.000 That fucking ball bacteria. 1.00

00:05:58.000 That balmy ball bacteria. 1.00

00:06:01.000 Have you seen, did you see that Reddit, the guy who dipped his balls in a Petri dish? 0.92

00:06:05.000 No. 1.00

00:06:05.000 To see what shit grew on it, and it just flourished with bacteria, because there's just a sea of bacteria on every man's balls. 1.00

00:06:14.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:06:15.000 Anyway, go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, use the code name ROGAN, and save...

00:06:21.000 10% off all supplements.

00:06:24.000 That's right. 0.99

00:06:24.000 Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech, all that shit. 0.99

00:06:26.000 Codename Rogan. 1.00

00:06:27.000 Save yourself 10%.

00:06:28.000 And the kettlebells and the battle ropes, the 10% does not work on those.

00:06:34.000 Those are being sold literally as cheap as is humanly possible.

00:06:37.000 What's a battle rope? 0.97

00:06:38.000 They're fucking awesome heavy ropes. 0.98

00:06:40.000 Big, thick, like seaman's ropes. 0.99

00:06:44.000 You know, like one of those that you use to fucking nautical ropes and shit. 0.98

00:06:48.000 Giant, and there's handles on each one. 0.94

00:06:49.000 It's like, you know, capped at the ends. 0.99

00:06:52.000 And you grab a hold of them and you fucking whip them through the air. 0.96

00:06:55.000 And you do it like in sprints, like a 30-second sprint. 0.99

00:06:58.000 Oh my god, it's ruthless, dude.

00:07:00.000 It's amazing.

00:07:00.000 It's an incredible workout.

00:07:02.000 You guys are like bioengineering some army or something.

00:07:06.000 What's happening?

00:07:07.000 You're like selling smart pills and battle ropes. 0.99

00:07:09.000 Trying to get people smarter, stronger, more aware of what the fuck is going on. 0.99

00:07:13.000 Before you give the big order. 0.98

00:07:16.000 There'll be no order. 0.98

00:07:17.000 There's also no end to this commercial because I don't have a fucking musical player thing. 0.96

00:07:22.000 I don't have one, so let's fake it. 0.96

00:07:24.000 The beginning.

00:07:28.000 Battle ropes! 0.70

00:07:30.000 Now it starts.

00:07:30.000 Battle ropes.

00:07:31.000 Duncan Trussell, what the fuck is going down? 0.99

00:07:36.000 You know, I just speaking of... 0.99

00:07:37.000 What's going down?

00:07:38.000 What's going on?

00:07:39.000 What's going on?

00:07:40.000 What's going...

00:07:41.000 I saw a...

00:07:42.000 Really, speaking of battle ropes, I saw this very disturbing video today.

00:07:46.000 Have you seen the thing of the old dudes with broadswords chopping the heads off pigs?

00:07:52.000 Whoa, no way. 0.99

00:07:53.000 It's fucking weird, dude. 0.98

00:07:55.000 Because they're like... 0.99

00:07:56.000 Oh my god.

00:07:56.000 They're not like warriors.

00:07:57.000 They're just older guys at maybe a knife convention or something.

00:08:01.000 I'm not sure what it is. 1.00

00:08:02.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:08:02.000 But they have a broadsword and they're just lopping off the heads of pigs. 1.00

00:08:06.000 Oh my god. 0.96

00:08:07.000 Like hanging upside down, just lopping them off. 1.00

00:08:11.000 And the fucking swords, it really does... 0.99

00:08:15.000 Demonstrate how bloody battles used to be because they just it's like they just slide right through the neck of that fucking pig just slide through like a knife through butter and the sound is so gross this flick flick and these weird old dudes just swinging these swords it's fucking strange man Jesus Christ so glad that we got past that phase of human history thank God someone invented a gun Yeah. 0.99

00:08:41.000 Isn't that funny? 0.99

00:08:42.000 Hey, if I gotta choose, I'll take a gun, I think.

00:08:45.000 Yeah.

00:08:45.000 Yeah, I'll take a gun.

00:08:46.000 I'm sure there's far less violence today than there ever was when they were swinging swords around.

00:08:50.000 I'm sure it's like no comparison.

00:08:52.000 Well, yeah.

00:08:52.000 I mean, you could just think how easy it was if you were in a bad mood to kill somebody back then.

00:08:57.000 There's no DNA, there's no fingerprints.

00:09:00.000 If you're just wandering through a town, you just see a particularly plump young child drag that thing into the woods.

00:09:07.000 Oh, please.

00:09:10.000 Isn't it weird?

00:09:11.000 There's no Amber Alert!

00:09:12.000 That was not that long ago in human history.

00:09:14.000 You know?

00:09:15.000 Oh, no, man.

00:09:16.000 It's the weirdest thing of all humanity, is the humanity that preys upon its young.

00:09:22.000 It's like their youth was ruined, and so now they want to ruin youths.

00:09:26.000 It's almost always the same story.

00:09:28.000 It's a scary, frightening aspect of humanity.

00:09:32.000 You're talking about...

00:09:33.000 People that want to abduct kids.

00:09:35.000 Oh, yeah, demons.

00:09:36.000 Yeah, but it almost always comes from something being done horrible to them.

00:09:41.000 Well, yeah, man, that's the opposite of this thing called the disciplic succession, which is this idea that people get super, super smart from time to time by meditating or drugs or something happens to them.

00:09:53.000 and then those people like transmit that to their closest friends which gets transmitted down uh until it like ends up in the present moment it's called the disciplic succession um you know how like you get around it's like one thing to hear someone from someone happy right but when you get around someone who's really advanced and really happy you walk away with this kind of like extra thing it like gets something into you know it like they give you something from being around them.

00:10:21.000 So the idea is That certain times people have like a massive burst of that.

00:10:27.000 You know, like the monkey that came out of the tree or the monkey that first used a certain tool.

00:10:32.000 Certain people have that exact same kind of like blast.

00:10:35.000 And the people in the close proximity to them, they get it and it transforms them and then they give it to the next person and it goes through time.

00:10:42.000 The simple succession.

00:10:43.000 In the same way, there's an opposite of that. 0.93

00:10:45.000 There's like an anti-enlightenment, anti-happiness, just a foul poison that started way, way, way back when and gets transmitted from one person to the next to the next in this endless chain of shit that ends up with people doing monstrous things. 0.85

00:11:03.000 It's quite curious. 0.83

00:11:04.000 It's almost like a race between those two.

00:11:06.000 It's weird how pliable the human consciousness is.

00:11:10.000 It's weird how the human consciousness, depending upon how you're raised, can be thrust in so many different directions.

00:11:16.000 It's so weird.

00:11:17.000 We are so not an easy thing to develop.

00:11:23.000 We're super-duper complicated.

00:11:26.000 We have all sorts of crazy emotions, irrational ideas of the past, irrational views of our own memory, and we're all going through this whole weird thing together, trying to feel our way through it.

00:11:42.000 We're so irrational.

00:11:44.000 It's such a strange animal. 1.00

00:11:47.000 Well, it sucks, man. 0.97

00:11:48.000 I mean, we've got these sedimentary layers of times in history where you are just being ravaged by famine and disease. 0.98

00:11:58.000 It was rough, man.

00:12:00.000 i mean if you think about that like even now people aren't safe and you can call 911 and have cops come to your house within 30 minutes you know depending on where you're at sometimes faster if something catches on fire dial 911 little red trucks come and put it out they just trucks with water inside of them if there's no water around think about that but not very long ago man something catches on fire it's like that's just going down

00:12:26.000 You know, if somebody, if your friend hurts himself, you're not calling 911. You're going to wrap him in, like, dirty bandages and just hope for the best.

00:12:36.000 It's like, so that means that people, there's a lot of fear embedded into us genetically from those times, you know?

00:12:43.000 Angry little ape man living inside everybody. 1.00

00:12:46.000 You can see any time you get mad.

00:12:48.000 That's him howling out in the depths of your being.

00:12:52.000 The difference is some people still listen to that howling ape freak who's terrified and screaming out of the universe and believe that that's them. 0.98

00:13:03.000 And they become that crazy primal scared being and some people have started to realize or completely realize that that's just one old sort of almost outdated appendage, a psychic appendage stuck inside humans and you don't have to listen to the screaming fucking ape every time something bad happens. 0.95

00:13:20.000 You can operate from another place, you know? 0.98

00:13:25.000 Yeah, you can.

00:13:26.000 I mean, we're moving towards that.

00:13:28.000 As long as we can keep this whole society thing together, keep giving people food and purpose, we can slowly but surely make these leaps into the next stage of consciousness.

00:13:38.000 We've got to keep everybody fed.

00:13:43.000 Keep riots from breaking out.

00:13:45.000 It's really hard to keep riots from breaking out when you're blatantly lying to people.

00:13:49.000 That's the problem. 1.00

00:13:50.000 This fucking... 0.99

00:13:52.000 Julian Assange thing really gives me the spooks, man, because it's like... 1.00

00:13:56.000 Well, explain to the folks who don't know what the fuck's going on, what's happening.

00:13:59.000 So Julian Assange is this guy who created a website called WikiLeaks, and he was kind of the face behind this website that people send secrets, government secrets. 0.98

00:14:11.000 People sent him a shitload of files that showed a helicopter gunning down reporters, among other fucked up things. 0.88

00:14:19.000 And... 0.95

00:14:21.000 So he got in a lot of trouble with the military-industrial complex, essentially.

00:14:26.000 He just pissed off the military-industrial complex.

00:14:29.000 He ended up...

00:14:32.000 Because something happened in Sweden.

00:14:34.000 No one really knows exactly what it is.

00:14:37.000 But the UK is treating it... 0.99

00:14:39.000 Like, whatever he did in Sweden, like he just went around fisting nuns and setting fucking buildings on fire. 0.98

00:14:46.000 Like, they were doing everything to get him back to Sweden for what I think is a relatively small charge. 0.99

00:14:51.000 That's the party line.

00:14:52.000 I think it's called surprise sex. 0.89

00:14:54.000 Surprise sex. 0.95

00:14:55.000 A very odd thing, man. 0.83

00:14:56.000 Yeah.

00:14:57.000 And also, man, not to be a complete fucking conspiratorial weirdo, but a lot of people say that there's some basic things if you want to get somebody that you can do, and one of them is you set them up. 0.98

00:15:09.000 With some kind of sex crime. 0.98

00:15:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:12.000 You can entrap somebody.

00:15:13.000 I'm not saying he's...

00:15:14.000 I don't know what happened, honestly.

00:15:16.000 But, you know, in society now, if you were running an empire, and you had an enemy, And a really public enemy, it goes past the point where you can just assassinate them, like in the good old days.

00:15:28.000 Right. 0.97

00:15:28.000 Like in the good old days, if someone had some information, you just fucking send in one of your assassins to come through their window and give them a quick snip on the throat, leave your fucking sigil, or whatever your sign was, because sometimes you want people to know that your enemies die, and that was it. 0.97

00:15:43.000 Now, assassination is a little more complex, you know? 0.99

00:15:47.000 You've got to, like, if someone gets in the public eye, they can't just suddenly hang themselves. 0.99

00:15:52.000 You know, if suddenly Hassan just dangling in the embassy there, if they came into a bathroom and Hassan just hanging by a fucking rope, wearing women's panties, right? 0.99

00:16:04.000 Wearing women's panties with maybe some fucking kiddie porn scattered around. 1.00

00:16:07.000 We don't know. 1.00

00:16:08.000 He just freaked out in there from the stress and he tried to do auto-erotic asphyxiation.

00:16:13.000 Cut to CNN. CNN. Barely a peep about the Libor scandal.

00:16:17.000 Boom! 0.99

00:16:18.000 Pervert pedophile Assange found dangling in the embassy wearing women's underwear pink with Mickey Mouse pictures on him. 0.99

00:16:25.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

00:16:26.000 It's like that's a way that they try to defame you and make you seem like you were not valid, that no one should have been listening to you in the first place.

00:16:36.000 That's one way to assassinate somebody.

00:16:38.000 And this Libor scandal, what exactly is behind that? 1.00

00:16:41.000 They were adjusting the fucking interest rates. 1.00

00:16:43.000 They were like fucking with interest rates not based on real reality but based on the urgings of the government from my complete low level understanding of this shit. 0.99

00:16:53.000 But basically it somehow is just one of the indications Of the things that we hear all the time from some really hardcore conspiracy theorists who are saying that the world economies are just being controlled by bankers who are shifting numbers to benefit themselves. 0.99

00:17:12.000 And this is like, of course, the military-industrial complex or war quite often is benefiting someone in a massive way.

00:17:20.000 So it's just part of that idea that the way things are happening on the planet right now aren't based on Some form of humanistic logic, but are based on the economic drives of a very small amount of people who make a shitload of money when bad shit goes down. 0.99

00:17:40.000 You know, like, whenever there's a fucking war, there are people who Make so much fucking money, man. 0.95

00:17:50.000 I mean, it's nice. 0.98

00:17:52.000 You know, like, the way I, if, like, I fucking was the book at, like, Get My Own TV Show, like, if I was able to sell a show, right, that would be a big deal for me.

00:18:00.000 That'd be awesome. 0.71

00:18:01.000 That'd be an incredible moment in my life.

00:18:03.000 In that same way that I'm excited about that, there's people who are like, oh, Come on, Iran. 0.93

00:18:10.000 Say one more anti-Semitic thing. 0.99

00:18:12.000 Come on, if we just get one more sign that you want to attack Israel, we can fucking get in there. 0.99

00:18:18.000 And if we get in there, they're going to need a lot of my new XP-49 double-edged fucking missiles, and I'm going to make a ton of money. 0.97

00:18:26.000 You know, and those people have lobbyists that talk to senators and congressmen, and their point is the reason isn't for... 0.93

00:18:35.000 The reason isn't because... 1.00

00:18:36.000 It's like, you know, I imagine it's like when you're fucking a whore. 1.00

00:18:39.000 You know, the reason she's fucking you is for money. 1.00

00:18:41.000 She's not fucking you because she likes you. 1.00

00:18:43.000 She's fucking you because she wants money from you. 1.00

00:18:45.000 In the same way these powerful conglomerates are making moves that are based on their own economic gain. 1.00

00:18:54.000 This isn't obvious. 0.96

00:18:55.000 I don't mean to be so fucking obvious. 0.95

00:18:57.000 Right. 0.75

00:18:57.000 But, you know, the idea was that, I mean, That we were supposed to be shielded from that. 0.75

00:19:02.000 That was the idea.

00:19:03.000 Yeah.

00:19:03.000 That wasn't supposed to be possible.

00:19:04.000 Yeah.

00:19:05.000 When that became possible and obvious and policy, that's when the real problems began.

00:19:11.000 As far as my own personal awareness, when I started seeing it, it became much more blatant, it seemed like, later on in life.

00:19:19.000 And this most recent Supreme Court ruling about it where they said that corporations can act as individuals.

00:19:25.000 Right.

00:19:26.000 Which is insanity.

00:19:27.000 Right.

00:19:28.000 You can just give as much money as they want to give.

00:19:30.000 Like, you guys can work out a deal.

00:19:32.000 I'm going to be president.

00:19:34.000 How much do you want to give to my campaign?

00:19:36.000 How about a million bucks?

00:19:37.000 How about I love you?

00:19:38.000 Alright, I love you too.

00:19:39.000 We're going to work together. 1.00

00:19:40.000 Alright, give me some money, bitch. 1.00

00:19:41.000 Yeah, it's quite sad. 1.00

00:19:42.000 It's a sad situation.

00:19:46.000 It's a strange situation. 1.00

00:19:48.000 And it's a situation that up until this point, I mean, it was pretty easy to hide this shit. 0.98

00:19:55.000 You could really control information. 0.99

00:19:58.000 People couldn't just look in their phone and fucking Google anything. 0.89

00:20:01.000 Yeah, it's almost like everybody's waking up going, wait, what? 0.95

00:20:05.000 You know what the effect reminds me of, Joe? 0.97

00:20:07.000 I just fucking bought a TV. I'm an American. 0.99

00:20:11.000 I haven't had a TV in so long. 1.00

00:20:13.000 I went to fucking Best Buy and bought a goddamn one of those nice fucking TVs. 1.00

00:20:17.000 How long did you try to be like Mr. Bohemian, I don't need a TV? It was, I don't know, since I've been in that fucking house. 1.00

00:20:25.000 I don't know, nine months, ten months? 0.99

00:20:27.000 Listen, dude, TV is awesome. 1.00

00:20:28.000 Anybody who tells you the TV's not awesome is an asshole. 0.99

00:20:31.000 No, TV's awesome. 0.99

00:20:33.000 Listen, I didn't have a TV out of some hate for TV. I didn't have a TV because I understand my compulsion to plug that Xbox in, pop in Skyrim, and just vanish from society for four years.

00:20:43.000 That's my problem. 0.99

00:20:44.000 But the thing about this new fucking TV is... 0.99

00:20:50.000 The picture's too good. 0.99

00:20:51.000 Really?

00:20:52.000 It's too clear. 0.99

00:20:53.000 It's like you watch the X-Men and it's like seeing people who just walked out of a fucking West Hollywood aerobics class. 0.97

00:21:01.000 They just look too real. 0.99

00:21:02.000 It looks silly.

00:21:03.000 It's too real.

00:21:04.000 Something about the picture's too good. 0.99

00:21:06.000 Yeah, there's a different quality to it where it makes old movies look like shit. 0.99

00:21:11.000 Yes, it's too good. 1.00

00:21:13.000 It looks silly.

00:21:14.000 You know what looked really bad, man? 0.69

00:21:15.000 I saw Aliens 2 the other day.

00:21:17.000 The movie still holds up.

00:21:19.000 It's still a great movie.

00:21:20.000 But there's some background scenes where they had a painted spaceship.

00:21:23.000 Yeah.

00:21:24.000 And it was so bad.

00:21:25.000 Because it's so obvious with HD. Yeah.

00:21:29.000 So, in the same way, it's weird because it's like that technology is imitating, I think, what's happening to people's perception of things.

00:21:37.000 Somehow, when a president starts doing the presidential talk or when you see, like, what's happening in fucking the UK where they're saying with Assange, no, no, no, no.

00:21:47.000 Listen, we have a right. 0.76

00:21:49.000 We have to enforce the deportation of Assange to Sweden.

00:21:56.000 This has nothing to do with a thing where he leaked terabytes of information about the military industrial complex.

00:22:03.000 That's just a coincidence.

00:22:05.000 We've got to get him out to Sweden because he did a surprise rape. 1.00

00:22:09.000 Surprise sex. 1.00

00:22:10.000 Surprise sex. 0.80

00:22:12.000 I guess it's kind of the same thing. 0.95

00:22:14.000 Well, what happened was they had sex and then he was in bed with her and then he had no condom on.

00:22:19.000 Can I stop you for a second? 0.82

00:22:21.000 Supposedly.

00:22:21.000 I want to apologize to everyone that I just used the word rape.

00:22:26.000 Dude.

00:22:26.000 I am so sorry I said that word.

00:22:28.000 You should never use that word.

00:22:29.000 Ever.

00:22:30.000 I will never use it again.

00:22:31.000 That word's done.

00:22:32.000 I will never use that word. 1.00

00:22:34.000 I've taken that word and I have tied it to a fucking bed. 1.00

00:22:37.000 It's the new faggot. 1.00

00:22:39.000 Rape is the new faggot. 1.00

00:22:40.000 My neurological system cannot process that word. 1.00

00:22:44.000 I'm sorry.

00:22:46.000 I don't even hear that word.

00:22:47.000 I don't hear any bad words. 0.98

00:22:49.000 I've been taking a new fucking nootropic that makes it so that I can't hear offensive words and can enjoy a comedy show. 0.98

00:22:58.000 Because nothing ruins a comedy show more than when a comedian says something unethical or immoral. 0.99

00:23:06.000 Ooh, I hate it! 0.99

00:23:07.000 I'm just trying to have a good fucking time. 0.99

00:23:09.000 Yeah, I don't want to be lectured. 0.99

00:23:11.000 I don't want you throwing your lefty beliefs my way.

00:23:14.000 Oh, my lefty beliefs?

00:23:15.000 No, no, no.

00:23:15.000 I'm saying to the comedian.

00:23:17.000 What's that?

00:23:17.000 Or hypothetical comedian that we're just making up.

00:23:20.000 Yeah, I don't... 0.91

00:23:21.000 Yeah, comedian, person, blogger, swamp toad, hell being... 0.99

00:23:29.000 We gotta sew the mouths shut! 1.00

00:23:32.000 We gotta sew the sinners' mouths shut! 0.99

00:23:34.000 We can't let them speak. 0.87

00:23:35.000 We can't let them talk about the things that happen in the world we don't like.

00:23:39.000 What is so weird about people that they're so easy to program?

00:23:43.000 Like, they can be programmed so many different ways.

00:23:45.000 You gotta look at, like, people in North Korea, like, all crying for real in the street when their dictator died.

00:23:52.000 I mean, they were, like, for real, legit crying in the street.

00:23:54.000 And then look at people in America and see how much different we are than people in China, than people in India. 0.93

00:24:02.000 We're so adaptable and we're so fucking variable. 0.95

00:24:05.000 We're so different. 1.00

00:24:07.000 We're the strangest fucking animal ever. 1.00

00:24:10.000 We are a strange fucking creature, man. 1.00

00:24:12.000 We went from background to foreground. 1.00

00:24:14.000 It's like animals are so absorbed into nature. 0.99

00:24:20.000 When you watch a fucking squirrel running around and you see how in nature the thing is, just part of the earth, almost just the earth. 0.99

00:24:29.000 Humans are like a few steps past that. 1.00

00:24:31.000 So it's like we came out of a picture.

00:24:33.000 We like came from the background into the foreground.

00:24:36.000 This is the idea that they tried to metaphorically talk about in the story of the Garden of Eden, which is, you know, before they ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they were unaware that they were naked.

00:24:52.000 It was like they're more animals.

00:24:53.000 And then this represents...

00:24:55.000 I think McKenna said, you know, this is the representation of the expansion of the neocortex. 0.99

00:25:01.000 This is the beginning of human brain development is suddenly becoming aware of ourselves, of our bodies, of the fact that we have a fucking body. 0.99

00:25:09.000 Because, you know, animals... 0.99

00:25:12.000 They don't think about their buttholes. 0.98

00:25:14.000 Dogs aren't thinking about what their balls look like when they're running. 1.00

00:25:19.000 They're not thinking about their fucking hair if it's messed up. 1.00

00:25:23.000 That doesn't cross their mind. 1.00

00:25:24.000 A dog's never worried about its hair being messed up. 1.00

00:25:28.000 But humans, we fixate on that shit. 1.00

00:25:31.000 We spend so much time thinking about how ashamed or ridiculously proud we are of our bodies. 1.00

00:25:39.000 It's fucking hilarious how much time. 0.75

00:25:40.000 If you really consider how much time you fixate on your body one way or the other, we're just into our bodies. 0.97

00:25:47.000 Sure.

00:25:48.000 So, yeah, man, that's one of the weird, bizarre aspects of being human.

00:25:55.000 Right.

00:25:55.000 You're aware.

00:25:56.000 You're aware of all the stuff you like.

00:25:59.000 You're aware of why you like.

00:26:00.000 It's a puzzle to you. 0.99

00:26:01.000 You see a woman with a thin waist and a big ass and big breasts and you don't even know why. 1.00

00:26:08.000 Triggers are going off. 1.00

00:26:10.000 Evolution is like, that's the shape you're looking for.

00:26:12.000 That's the shape you're looking for.

00:26:15.000 Calfs, like, calves from being accentuated by the high heels.

00:26:19.000 Yeah, why is that? 0.98

00:26:20.000 It's fucking weird. 0.98

00:26:21.000 How weird is it that every woman shaves her legs? 0.99

00:26:23.000 Like, you have to.

00:26:24.000 Like, that's not really what their legs look like.

00:26:26.000 Especially girls with dark hair. 1.00

00:26:28.000 You know?

00:26:29.000 Anything, like, really, uh, what would be the word?

00:26:32.000 Spicy, you know?

00:26:34.000 Any, like, Greeks or something along those lines.

00:26:37.000 Italians. 0.92

00:26:38.000 A lot of those girls, if they didn't shave their legs, oh my god. 1.00

00:26:42.000 Do you know what kind of craziness you'd be looking at? 0.75

00:26:44.000 Well, most of the longest you've ever let your whole pubic area grow before you trimmed it.

00:26:49.000 Me?

00:26:50.000 Yeah.

00:26:50.000 Do you ever trim it?

00:26:51.000 Yeah, I trim it, but there have been long, long periods where I'm sure the thing is just... 0.87

00:26:55.000 And if you look at it, it's just ridiculous.

00:26:57.000 It's like all over the place. 0.95

00:26:58.000 It's just chaos.

00:27:00.000 It's chaos.

00:27:01.000 Yeah, and then you imagine that covering your entire body.

00:27:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:06.000 And that's what we used to be.

00:27:08.000 Just like a one walking bush.

00:27:09.000 Well, a lot of people still are.

00:27:10.000 Did you ever see George the Animal Steel?

00:27:14.000 Is that what his name was?

00:27:15.000 He was a wrestler.

00:27:16.000 I think it was George the Animal Steel.

00:27:17.000 Something in the Animal Steel. 1.00

00:27:18.000 And he looked like a fucking gorilla. 0.99

00:27:21.000 He was the hairiest human being ever. 1.00

00:27:22.000 He was huge. 0.99

00:27:23.000 He had these big, giant fucking superhuman muscles and hair covering his whole body. 0.99

00:27:30.000 Robin Williams. 0.99

00:27:31.000 This guy was more freaky. 0.99

00:27:33.000 Robin Williams is pretty fucking hairy. 0.99

00:27:34.000 Yeah, but this guy's built like a gorilla, too. 0.99

00:27:36.000 Oh, I see.

00:27:37.000 I mean, it's like, it's real close.

00:27:39.000 I mean, he was in one of those movies.

00:27:44.000 What movie was he in?

00:27:46.000 I feel like he was in a movie.

00:27:48.000 I'm not remembering it, right?

00:27:50.000 Well, man, the thing is...

00:27:51.000 I think he did.

00:27:52.000 I think he had a career in horror movies or something.

00:27:54.000 We're very close to something that's no longer here anymore, but some people are still functioning at that level.

00:28:04.000 And some people know that some people are still functioning at that level and understand how their nervous system works and are really good at tricking people.

00:28:14.000 If you still identify with a howling, screaming animal inside of you, You're really easy to manipulate. 0.99

00:28:23.000 You know, it's not that hard to fucking trick a monkey into going for a banana. 0.99

00:28:27.000 It's like legendarily easy to get a monkey to go for a banana. 0.99

00:28:32.000 I want you to come over here and just look at what George Steele looks like. 0.97

00:28:36.000 So you see what kind of ridiculousness I'm talking about. 0.94

00:28:42.000 Can you imagine? 0.86

00:28:44.000 It doesn't look real.

00:28:46.000 He's a huge dude covered in hair and he's like bent over looking at you like he's about to charge like a silverback. 1.00

00:28:53.000 He looks like a stop-motion character from Clash of the Titans or something.

00:28:57.000 It's hilarious.

00:28:58.000 Doesn't seem real.

00:28:58.000 That's weird.

00:28:59.000 Yeah, and he did some acting.

00:29:02.000 I think he was in like, yeah.

00:29:04.000 He was in Ed Wood, I believe.

00:29:06.000 With Johnny Depp.

00:29:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:09.000 What a fucking crazy looking dude. 1.00

00:29:11.000 But he used to like eat the corner. 1.00

00:29:13.000 Like they would have a turnbuckle.

00:29:15.000 He would grab it and bite it and start eating it and ripping it apart. 1.00

00:29:18.000 He was fucking crazy. 0.99

00:29:21.000 What a weird life that must have been, huh? 1.00

00:29:23.000 Being a professional wrestler.

00:29:26.000 Yeah, that's a really weird life.

00:29:28.000 That's one of the weirdest aspects of our culture ever.

00:29:31.000 Professional wrestling?

00:29:33.000 You mean like worldwide wrestling?

00:29:34.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:35.000 World Wrestling Entertainment.

00:29:36.000 I haven't watched war wrestling since The Great Kabuki, man.

00:29:39.000 People still love it, dude.

00:29:41.000 Oh, I know.

00:29:41.000 It does really well.

00:29:42.000 It does really well. 0.99

00:29:43.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:29:44.000 What is it, man? 1.00

00:29:44.000 It's like a form of fucking dance, basically. 1.00

00:29:47.000 It's like choreographed fights that you know are fake, but it's... 0.99

00:29:51.000 Well, it's fucking hard to pull off, dude. 0.98

00:29:53.000 Those guys get beat up. 1.00

00:29:54.000 Those guys are always throwing each other down in their heads and shit. 0.99

00:29:57.000 But it's not real fighting. 0.99

00:29:59.000 It's like a form of gymnastics, tumbling.

00:30:01.000 Sort of.

00:30:01.000 It's a work, you know?

00:30:03.000 That's what it is.

00:30:04.000 They do what we call hard work.

00:30:06.000 Where they really, they slap each other occasionally. 0.99

00:30:09.000 They'll fucking, they'll clothesline each other. 1.00

00:30:11.000 They really slam each other to the ground. 1.00

00:30:13.000 And you can really get fucked up doing it. 0.99

00:30:14.000 They all have like, you know, back problems and shoulder problems. 0.99

00:30:18.000 But the cool thing about it is not just the fact that they're fake fighting.

00:30:23.000 It's that there's a narrative.

00:30:25.000 Yes. 0.99

00:30:25.000 A weird rudimentary narrative that runs through the fucking thing. 0.99

00:30:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:30.000 Where everyone has rivalries. 0.99

00:30:32.000 Yeah.

00:30:32.000 And there's a...

00:30:34.000 There's always a villainous guy who has generally supernatural undertones.

00:30:40.000 Maybe he's come from hell or something, right?

00:30:43.000 There's always that thing.

00:30:45.000 The undertaker.

00:30:46.000 Yeah, that thing.

00:30:47.000 These mysterious men who've emerged from the darkest parts of the world to slap each other's backs really hard.

00:30:56.000 When I was in high school, it was Bob Backlund.

00:30:58.000 He was the champion.

00:30:59.000 And the big one that everybody wanted to see fight for the title was Jimmy the Superfly Snooker.

00:31:04.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:05.000 Yeah.

00:31:06.000 And it was a big deal, man.

00:31:07.000 And he would put up his three fingers like this.

00:31:09.000 And he would go, I love you.

00:31:14.000 That was what he was telling everybody when he had his fingers up.

00:31:21.000 I love you and he'd fly through the air.

00:31:24.000 He would fly through the air, dude, and land on guys.

00:31:27.000 And what a beating his body must have taken doing that, man. 1.00

00:31:30.000 He did some ridiculous shit. 0.99

00:31:32.000 I remember when I was a kid, getting into some fairly serious arguments with people over whether or not wrestling was real. 1.00

00:31:39.000 Because you would be like, no, no, no, this is fucking real, dude. 0.95

00:31:42.000 Do you think this is fake? 1.00

00:31:43.000 You fucking think the great kabuki, like a guy, could just blow steam out of his mouth and poison a man? 1.00

00:31:50.000 He's real. 1.00

00:31:50.000 You would get in these, like, deep... 1.00

00:31:52.000 Oh, yeah, before they had to admit it was fake for, like...

00:31:55.000 Right.

00:31:56.000 But you see that's...

00:31:57.000 Tax purposes.

00:31:57.000 You see it's still happening.

00:31:59.000 See, this is the funny thing. 0.99

00:32:00.000 It's still fucking happening. 0.98

00:32:02.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:32:02.000 Only now when you tell somebody, you know, our Congress is bought by corporations and it's not really representing the people anymore and you know that's real. 0.98

00:32:14.000 It's pretty obvious by now.

00:32:17.000 You tell that to people and they'll be like, no, it's real.

00:32:20.000 It's real, it's real, it's the realest thing there is.

00:32:24.000 How could you say that's not real?

00:32:26.000 These men, these fine men, the high seats of power, they're not getting bribed by corporations.

00:32:32.000 No!

00:32:33.000 Never!

00:32:34.000 They have integrity!

00:32:36.000 Yet again and again, time and time again, we see that these people have been supported by lobbyists to the point where I saw someone, I think one of the presidents, or I don't remember which it was.

00:32:47.000 I don't remember who it was.

00:32:49.000 Maybe Boehner, the guy who looks like Howdy Doody.

00:32:51.000 I can't remember who it was, but put all their main corporate sponsors in a NASCAR outfit.

00:32:57.000 They said senators and congressmen should start having to wear I think Robin Williams had that in his special.

00:33:03.000 Oh, he did?

00:33:03.000 Is that what he said?

00:33:04.000 I saw a picture of it on the internet.

00:33:05.000 Funny line.

00:33:06.000 But it's the truth.

00:33:10.000 But there's still people who don't want to believe that's the truth. 0.99

00:33:15.000 And this is the fucking problem, man. 0.99

00:33:17.000 Because it's not just politics. 1.00

00:33:18.000 It's religion.

00:33:20.000 There's people... 1.00

00:33:21.000 Have you seen this fucking... 0.98

00:33:22.000 It keeps popping up on the internet, but it's like this idea that evolutionists had that the way some, or the creationists believe that the way some animals got from one continent to the next is from rafts of the forests uprooted by the great flood. 0.99

00:33:38.000 So like bears and rabbits and squirrels were just like floating across the ocean on logs.

00:33:45.000 People believe that stuff.

00:33:47.000 Creationists believe that, dude.

00:33:50.000 Imagine that.

00:33:50.000 Just logs covered in rabbits and puppies and eagles.

00:33:55.000 It's the craziest thing fucking ever, but people believe that right now. 0.92

00:34:02.000 Well, there have been guys who have invested money to try to design and recreate the Ark, how they think it could have worked. 0.98

00:34:09.000 There's been dudes who've done that.

00:34:11.000 Like, there's some rich dude.

00:34:12.000 I think he's in Holland. 0.94

00:34:13.000 And he's recreating an arc based on cubits and whatever fucking crazy measurement they used back then. 0.65

00:34:21.000 He's doing the Lord's work. 1.00

00:34:23.000 How many fucking lunatics right now? 1.00

00:34:25.000 How many crazy people right now in neighborhoods and trailer parks across America are in their backyard constructing an arc because they think God told them to build it? 1.00

00:34:35.000 I bet there's at least 400 people right now hammering in their backyard on a fucking ark because they had a weird dream where God told them to build an ark. 0.97

00:34:44.000 There's definitely more than one. 0.99

00:34:45.000 I've definitely heard of more than one person.

00:34:47.000 Talk about grandiose.

00:34:48.000 Imagine you thinking you're really Noah.

00:34:51.000 But that's like, you know, if you're cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, that's an entertaining one.

00:34:56.000 You think you're Noah.

00:34:58.000 Oh my God. 1.00

00:34:58.000 I mean, but dude, imagine if like your fucking brain... 1.00

00:35:01.000 God's speaking to me. 1.00

00:35:02.000 Wait, what?

00:35:03.000 Hold, what?

00:35:03.000 Joe!

00:35:05.000 It is I, the Lord!

00:35:07.000 I'm going to flood the planet because I'm pissed.

00:35:10.000 That's why I always thought it's hilarious when you see like a fake seance. 1.00

00:35:13.000 Or a seance that looks like obviously full of shit. 1.00

00:35:15.000 Hold on. 1.00

00:35:16.000 I'm getting a signal.

00:35:18.000 He's saying there's a hole where his heart used to be.

00:35:25.000 What does that mean?

00:35:26.000 Does anyone know what that means?

00:35:27.000 Who's speaking to me? 0.86

00:35:28.000 I just fucking saw on Trinity Broadcasting Network, have you ever watched TBN? Yes. 0.97

00:35:33.000 So I just saw on Trinity Broadcasting Network, this fucking televangelist say, do you want that new house? 0.99

00:35:40.000 Do you want that new condo? 0.99

00:35:42.000 That $2,000 isn't gonna get you a condo or a new house.

00:35:47.000 Plant that seed money in my ministry and it will come back to you tenfold, a hundredfold. 0.99

00:35:55.000 So this guy is on TBN compelling people who've been saving up their money to buy a house to send that money to his fucking ministry. 0.98

00:36:09.000 He's tricking dumbasses into funneling money to him in the idea that they're going to send $2,000. 0.99

00:36:16.000 Because he says it, it's so terrible. 1.00

00:36:19.000 What he does, he's aiming at illegal immigrants.

00:36:24.000 One of the things he said is, you know, Juan whoever sent $2,000 to me, his green card had already been denied.

00:36:35.000 But he went to the mailbox, and he got a letter underneath his bills, and he opened that letter, and it said he had been accepted.

00:36:42.000 His green card had been accepted. 0.86

00:36:44.000 So you're, like, trying to hit these, like, the most desperate humans who are, like, a combination desperate and dumb, watching TV late at night, and they just have a little bit of money left, but maybe they're a little drunk. 0.95

00:36:57.000 They're like, yeah, this is it. 0.96

00:36:58.000 This is what I need to do. 0.99

00:36:59.000 This is what I fucking need to do. 0.97

00:37:01.000 I'm giving money to the ministry of Father... 1.00

00:37:04.000 Fuckface, and it's gonna come back. 1.00

00:37:06.000 It's crazy, man. 1.00

00:37:07.000 When did they start doing that, that seeding?

00:37:09.000 That's pretty recent.

00:37:11.000 It used to be just a donation thing, but then someone came up with a brilliant idea of saying that you're planting seeds, and that you get it back.

00:37:20.000 Well, see, the problem- It wasn't just a donation anymore.

00:37:22.000 It became like, you know what I mean?

00:37:24.000 Like, it wasn't like that for a while.

00:37:25.000 For a while, it was just donations.

00:37:27.000 But the problem is, man, with all this stuff, this is where religion gets confusing, is a lot of the metaphysical principles these people are throwing out there, they're real.

00:37:35.000 If you put good energy out into the world, it does come back to you.

00:37:38.000 It is true.

00:37:39.000 If you put good things out into the world, it's like throwing a fishing line out, and there's a really good chance you're going to reel back something awesome that you didn't expect to get. 0.99

00:37:48.000 But it's like, these sons of bitches, they're like... 1.00

00:37:51.000 Making it as though there's an actual spiritual economy in the universe, that there's some kind of quantifiable bank account balance, where if you send $2,000, you'll get $20,000 based on some specific crazy laws. 0.99

00:38:07.000 That's where it gets odd, and that's where it's kind of fucked up. 0.95

00:38:11.000 Because... 0.98

00:38:11.000 It is and it isn't because the wounded antelopes have always been jacked by the waterholes. 0.98

00:38:16.000 That's just the way it always been. 0.99

00:38:17.000 If you're so fucking dumb that you think that that guy's really going to be able to do that with your money, it's almost like you have to exist as an example of folly. 0.99

00:38:27.000 You have to exist as an example of Like, when anybody gets scammed by one of those Nigerians, one of them, I watched this one thing they were talking about, it was a dude who was really sad, man. 1.00

00:38:37.000 The guy just didn't have any companionship.

00:38:39.000 He didn't have a girlfriend, really wanted a girlfriend, and just spent all his retirement money sending it to this Nigerian scammer. 1.00

00:38:46.000 Went to Europe to meet this chick twice.

00:38:49.000 Twice.

00:38:50.000 He kind of broke down during the show.

00:38:52.000 Oh, it's brutal.

00:38:53.000 Because his daughter or someone had to tell him that the woman wasn't real.

00:38:59.000 Someone close to him was trying to explain to him that the woman wasn't real.

00:39:03.000 But he just wanted to believe.

00:39:04.000 He went to Europe twice to meet her, dude.

00:39:06.000 Twice.

00:39:07.000 And she said she couldn't find him.

00:39:09.000 Oh my God, I'm getting called back by my family. 1.00

00:39:12.000 And this poor fucking guy bit it. 1.00

00:39:14.000 Bit it. 1.00

00:39:15.000 He never even spoke to her.

00:39:17.000 He just kept sending money. 0.99

00:39:18.000 See, it's really cool, man, because we keep going back to talking about believing in bullshit and the effect that it has on your life. 1.00

00:39:24.000 The immediate detrimental effect it has on your life to believe bullshit. 1.00

00:39:28.000 No matter what the fucking thing is, it always fucks up your life. 1.00

00:39:32.000 Whatever the fuck it is, if you believe in something that's crap, you end up making decisions based on crap. 1.00

00:39:38.000 And so you've just summoned more and more negativity into your life from believing in bullshit. 1.00

00:39:43.000 Now, where it gets fucking weird, man, and where there's a part of me that... 0.99

00:39:47.000 It's always combating what the apparent violent and brutal, merciless aspect of nature with my own instinct to want everybody to be okay. 0.92

00:40:00.000 And, like, those two things are really fucking confusing for me.

00:40:04.000 Right. 0.99

00:40:04.000 Because you look out into the world, you know, and you see, on the Nature Channel, just, you know, watch a fucking... 0.99

00:40:11.000 Hyena taking a bath in the carcass of a fucking elephant. 1.00

00:40:14.000 Or watch fucking those tigers in the Russian circus who just attack those dudes. 1.00

00:40:20.000 Or look at the fucking, in China, the monstrous way that they slice the skin off of living dogs. 1.00

00:40:29.000 You can go on and on with examples of this kind of brutal slaughterhouses everywhere, you know? 1.00

00:40:35.000 The brutality of nature.

00:40:37.000 You know, and you can go into this Nietzschean mind state where you're like, you know, yes, that is as much a part of the universe as anything else.

00:40:47.000 And then there's another part of you that, if you start thinking that way, can become a bit nihilistic, where you start thinking like, oh, well, if there's wounded antelopes, then why help them?

00:41:00.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:00.000 But let them suffer for their own good.

00:41:03.000 Let them come to understand life through their own transgressions so that they can grow on their own and become powerful by their own volition. 0.99

00:41:11.000 And that's fucking cool, man. 0.86

00:41:13.000 There's part of me that really loves that idea. 0.95

00:41:15.000 And then there's another part that's like, yeah, but what if, you know, There's an actual concerted effort at work right now.

00:41:23.000 A concerted effort by a combination of many different conglomerates who have recognized the psychological makeup of most human beings and have figured out very intelligent ways to intentionally manipulate those human beings to become consumeristic so that they can gain from these people's lack of education and understanding.

00:41:47.000 Very educated people are often consumeristic as well.

00:41:51.000 I think consumerism is a byproduct of work and doing a lot of work that you don't really want to do.

00:41:56.000 It makes you want to buy things.

00:41:59.000 People enjoy buying things when they work hard. 0.88

00:42:02.000 But this is like from this, I think we've talked about this before, the Century of the Self, about what's called black psychology or using psychology to manipulate people into buying shit or giving the impression that they need something. 0.93

00:42:18.000 Right. 0.83

00:42:18.000 But it's an art form that they've almost got it down to a sign. 0.83

00:42:21.000 And it's a necessity. 1.00

00:42:22.000 If you're going to have a successful economy in a capitalist country, you've got to keep selling shit. 1.00

00:42:27.000 Right. 0.99

00:42:28.000 You don't want to make something that's going to last forever.

00:42:30.000 Right.

00:42:30.000 But how do we regulate it?

00:42:32.000 Do we?

00:42:33.000 Do we just let it happen so that you can have preachers? 0.90

00:42:37.000 That you can have those crazy guys on TV saying that if you send me money, I'll give you ten times?

00:42:41.000 Do we just let that happen?

00:42:43.000 If you were inclined to decide, if you had to cast your vote one way or another, how much do we limit?

00:42:53.000 I'm sorry, I just want to say, because if that guy's not legitimate, what if something comes along that is legitimate?

00:43:00.000 What if there's some sort of sustainable new environment that's being built and they want everybody to throw some money in and become a part of it, and they offer you a tangible deal and it's based on the same sort of spiritual concepts? 0.96

00:43:14.000 You're going to automatically connect it with those other assholes. 0.96

00:43:17.000 Well, no, I know this is the problem, man. 1.00

00:43:19.000 I mean, this is like...

00:43:19.000 So you can't stop it, you know what I'm saying?

00:43:21.000 It's like you couldn't stop it because you would limit stopping it for a real place.

00:43:25.000 Well, who's going to stop it, too?

00:43:26.000 Who's going to make the decisions?

00:43:27.000 Who's going to say, no, no, no, this is the right thing, and that's the wrong thing, and this is good, and that's bad?

00:43:31.000 It's like, it's almost only an egomaniac would ever even consider the notion of trying to take charge, you know?

00:43:39.000 So it is this...

00:43:41.000 You know, we end up in this curious predicament of trying to determine, okay, well then how much do we let happen?

00:43:47.000 For example, what's happening in Syria right now?

00:43:49.000 How much do we let happen? 0.90

00:43:51.000 How many more people get fucking bombed in this weird war between an oppressive regime and the people who are rising up? 0.97

00:43:57.000 And it is an oppressive regime. 0.97

00:43:58.000 The guy's been around too long. 1.00

00:44:01.000 The elections are fucked. 1.00

00:44:03.000 Syria's always been notoriously a kind of fucked up place. 1.00

00:44:07.000 It's like, now there's a civil war happening. 0.99

00:44:10.000 How much do we...

00:44:11.000 Who takes the side of Assad?

00:44:16.000 That's his name, right?

00:44:17.000 Assad.

00:44:17.000 Who takes his side?

00:44:19.000 Who's really going to stand up for that fucking guy? 1.00

00:44:21.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:44:22.000 And I'll tell you one person who has Russia.

00:44:25.000 You know what I mean?

00:44:25.000 So Russia's standing up for this guy.

00:44:27.000 Now we're in a weird situation.

00:44:28.000 I don't know how much they're supporting, but... 0.89

00:44:32.000 That's where things get fucked up because it's like, okay, I guess we just back off and let a bunch of people get slaughtered because that's the way of the world. 0.95

00:44:38.000 This is like, you know, the hardcore libertarians believe this. 0.95

00:44:41.000 I think Ron Paul's like, this isn't our business.

00:44:43.000 Well, his also, his contention is that we've created a lot of business that we shouldn't have created.

00:44:49.000 We've made things our business and things we've had blowback because of things that we've done that we shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

00:44:56.000 The idea of policing the world. 1.00

00:44:58.000 Yes, that's a problem, and we definitely put our fucking dicks in a great many hornets' nests. 0.99

00:45:03.000 But if you look at it from a perspective of just you, you're in your apartment, right? 1.00

00:45:09.000 You're in your apartment, and two doors away, someone starts screaming bloody murder. 1.00

00:45:16.000 He's fucking killing me! 1.00

00:45:18.000 He's killing me! 1.00

00:45:19.000 Call fucking 911! 1.00

00:45:21.000 I'm bleeding! 1.00

00:45:22.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:45:23.000 What do you do?

00:45:24.000 What do you do? 1.00

00:45:25.000 Are you going to fucking call 911? 1.00

00:45:27.000 Of course. 0.99

00:45:27.000 You're going to try to help, too, maybe. 0.99

00:45:29.000 You're maybe going to go over there and see if you can fucking help this person, right? 0.50

00:45:32.000 So now, all of a sudden, let's spread the radius out. 0.96

00:45:35.000 You know two buildings down that's happening to someone.

00:45:38.000 Now let's spread it out more. 0.98

00:45:40.000 You know, two miles away at a certain time, someone's going to get fucking hurt. 0.87

00:45:44.000 When do you stop helping? 0.96

00:45:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:45:47.000 And right now it appears that when you stop helping is when it's outside the fucking boundaries of your country. 0.98

00:45:52.000 At that point you're like, no, no, no, no, no. 0.98

00:45:54.000 It is the way of the world that people are slaughtered by mortars and guns and executions and dragged into secret prisons.

00:46:02.000 It's the way of the world. 0.99

00:46:04.000 And then it's a really weird fucking situation because it's like, well, it's also the way of the world to get people out of fucking... 0.96

00:46:11.000 Secret prisons and to help people who are in trouble. 0.99

00:46:14.000 You know, it's the story of our fucking, you know, our history. 1.00

00:46:17.000 The goddamn, the French helped us. 0.99

00:46:19.000 You know, it's like, sometimes people need help. 0.99

00:46:23.000 When do you help? 0.99

00:46:24.000 It's a real fucking question. 0.98

00:46:25.000 It's one of the big questions facing us right now. 0.99

00:46:29.000 It's like, when do you do something? 0.75

00:46:32.000 In the UK, if they fucking storm into the Ecuadorian embassy, if they storm into that fucking thing, in breaking the sovereignty of ecuador which is essentially invading ecuador if you go into a fucking uh yeah so in that case obviously when they if they just fucking start throwing out the whole game yeah or it's got where they're like you know we're just gonna do what we want and as 0.85

00:47:02.000 long as it suits us we'll make it seem like there's laws in place here right but when it comes down to it we're gonna fucking do what we want Isn't that kind of crazy that you've got a whole building that's a different country, and that building has sovereignty, and this guy can go there and say, can I get asylum? 0.97

00:47:18.000 And they're like, yes, good, cool, I'm staying here.

00:47:20.000 And now he has to wait.

00:47:22.000 Hold up and wait.

00:47:23.000 Can you imagine the stress of being in asylum?

00:47:27.000 Can you imagine the stress of being Julian Assange?

00:47:29.000 It must be unbearable.

00:47:31.000 I mean, the guy... 1.00

00:47:32.000 He's crazy, but he has giant balls. 1.00

00:47:35.000 Giant, giant, giant balls. 1.00

00:47:37.000 Oh, dude. 0.98

00:47:37.000 That guy's gonna be remembered as one of the great heroes, man. 0.98

00:47:40.000 That son of a bitch. 1.00

00:47:41.000 That poor fucking bastard. 1.00

00:47:43.000 Nobody... 1.00

00:47:43.000 That guy made a real goddamn sacrifice. 1.00

00:47:45.000 Because, like, I don't care how much money he was making from WikiLeaks. 0.99

00:47:48.000 I don't care if he was making a fuckload of money for WikiLeaks, man.

00:47:51.000 He knew when he leaked those documents. 1.00

00:47:54.000 Do you realize, like, when you get that much fucking information that shows that some fucked up shit is going on... 1.00

00:48:00.000 The moral responsibility, the ethical responsibility you have at that moment because you know that the moment you let this shit out, you're fucked. 1.00

00:48:08.000 Right. 1.00

00:48:08.000 Forget it. 1.00

00:48:10.000 Forget it.

00:48:10.000 Game over.

00:48:11.000 You've made the decision like, alright, I'm gonna fucking throw myself on the fire in this incarnation just because it feels better than sitting back and festering with the knowledge that there's fucking innocent people getting gunned down for no goddamn reason and that's being kept away from the people who are funding the fucking bullets blowing up their heads. 1.00

00:48:28.000 You're like, God damn it, I gotta fucking do it. 1.00

00:48:30.000 And you do it. 1.00

00:48:31.000 And you're a badass. 1.00

00:48:32.000 And then you end up fucking holed up in a goddamn embassy. 1.00

00:48:36.000 And you know that even if you do get out of that embassy, even if 50,000 Guy Fawkes mask wearing anonymous vigilantes descend on that embassy all wearing the same outfit, swarm the fucking embassy and give you the outfit to wear so that you just mix in with all of them and vanish into the fucking, 1.00

00:48:53.000 into the darkness and then end up in fucking Ecuador, you know at one point There's gonna be a moment when you wake up, and there's a guy sitting next to your bed, and he's like, hey man, I'm sorry, but I gotta fucking kill your ass. 0.99

00:49:07.000 Or maybe he doesn't say anything, or maybe they poison you, or maybe there's a fucking moment when you walk down the street and you feel a strange prick in the bottom of your leg, and the next thing you know, you get a weird sickness, a form of fucking swine flu, or some odd bacterial infection, and you just fucking die. 0.99

00:49:22.000 So tell me more about what's going on in Dallas. 0.97

00:49:26.000 It's a West Nile outbreak.

00:49:28.000 Apparently nine people died.

00:49:29.000 When did this happen?

00:49:31.000 I don't know when the outbreak happened, and I kind of keep my eyes peeled for any kind of end-of-the-world-style plague reports, but it seemed to pop out of nowhere.

00:49:39.000 Just eight people in Dallas came down with West Nile virus.

00:49:42.000 Really recently?

00:49:44.000 Yeah.

00:49:45.000 Really recently.

00:49:45.000 I think they're dusting today.

00:49:47.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:49:49.000 Just spraying out that fucking poison, you know, because they don't want the West Nile virus to spread. 1.00

00:49:55.000 Yeah, Texas gets fucking funky hot, man. 0.99

00:49:58.000 And apparently, Aubrey said that they've had a record amount of days. 0.97

00:50:03.000 They're cruising in on the current record, which is like some crazy number, like 50-something days of over 100 degrees. 0.99

00:50:11.000 Hottest fucking summer in history, man. 0.98

00:50:14.000 Yeah, it's weird. 0.99

00:50:15.000 It's weird.

00:50:17.000 We were talking about lakes drying up and rivers drying up and shit like that.

00:50:22.000 That's a disturbing thought, man, that the climate can shift really radically. 0.86

00:50:29.000 Yeah.

00:50:30.000 And it always has.

00:50:31.000 Always has.

00:50:32.000 Always has.

00:50:32.000 Our idea is that we're going to be able to stay in this one spot that we so choose to set up shop in.

00:50:38.000 That might be silly. 0.81

00:50:39.000 That might be a silly thing to do. 0.81

00:50:41.000 Yeah, it's like, as a species, we do the same thing people do as an individual. 0.92

00:50:45.000 As a species, we make this silly...

00:50:47.000 We have this crazy idea that everything's going to stay the same.

00:50:51.000 The planet's going to always be hospitable to our form of life. 0.96

00:50:55.000 We just live with that in the same way that individuals go around like they're going to live fucking forever. 1.00

00:51:00.000 They go around treating people like shit, not returning phone calls. 1.00

00:51:04.000 They go around being complete cunts as though there's going to be something I love how you say, they're treating people like shit, fucking not returning phone calls. 1.00

00:51:13.000 You know how funny that is though? 1.00

00:51:14.000 I'm pissed at my brother.

00:51:17.000 He won't call me back. 1.00

00:51:18.000 Of all the horrible shit you could have said someone does, you're like, yeah, people are fucking dog shit, man. 1.00

00:51:24.000 I love, I have these, my brother is like, I love him very much. 1.00

00:51:27.000 He's like one of my best friends on the fucking planet, but he's found like somebody that he really loves and it's really... 0.65

00:51:33.000 Don't you want somebody to love? 0.98

00:51:35.000 Don't.

00:51:36.000 So he's like absorbed into this beautiful thing that I'm very happy for him for.

00:51:42.000 But it's like that classic thing when one of your best friends gets a girlfriend. 1.00

00:51:45.000 You're like, ah, fuck. 1.00

00:51:46.000 I understand. 1.00

00:51:47.000 I've done it.

00:51:48.000 God knows I've done it. 1.00

00:51:49.000 I've been the king of that shit, man. 1.00

00:51:51.000 It's horrible. 1.00

00:51:51.000 But the point is... 1.00

00:51:55.000 People treat their lives, and I try to do this less now, sometimes people get caught up in the minutiae and they end up discounting their existence as though there's going to be some point ten years from now. 0.91

00:52:11.000 A lot of people think, okay, I'm just going to fucking party through my 20s.

00:52:14.000 And then your 20s pass, and then the 30s say, ah, I got some juice in me still. 0.99

00:52:19.000 I'm gonna just fucking do it through my 30s! 0.97

00:52:22.000 And then your 30s pass, and now you're feeling a little tired and fucked up a little bit, and your 40s come in, and you're like, into the 40s, I'm gonna settle down, and I'm gonna really become a man. 1.00

00:52:33.000 And then you just keel over and die, and that's it. 0.99

00:52:35.000 You never fucking did, you never actualized yourself. 1.00

00:52:38.000 You never jumped into the fucking fray. 1.00

00:52:43.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:52:44.000 Yeah.

00:52:44.000 So in the same way as a species, it's like we're in that situation where we think, yeah, well, it'll be fine, man.

00:52:51.000 There's infinite fucking resources. 0.98

00:52:53.000 Woo! 0.99

00:52:54.000 Come on! 0.99

00:52:55.000 And it's, you know, now we're kind of like in that part where you look and you flip the fucking... 1.00

00:53:00.000 Hotel mirror a little bit and take a look at that pink moon sprouting in the back of your fucking head. 1.00

00:53:05.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:53:06.000 There's a patch of pink there. 0.99

00:53:07.000 In the same way, there's like nice, big, thick, black, oily patches of death sprouting up all over the planet from people logging and dumping chemicals in there and like, no, it'll come around.

00:53:18.000 That little fucking radioactive patch called Chernobyl, it'll come around. 0.74

00:53:23.000 It'll be fine in a couple of thousand years. 0.99

00:53:26.000 You know what I mean?

00:53:28.000 And not even...

00:53:29.000 No, Fukushima will be fine.

00:53:31.000 It'll be fine.

00:53:32.000 It'll be fine.

00:53:32.000 That won't affect the rest of the planet.

00:53:37.000 It's so crazy. 1.00

00:53:38.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:53:39.000 So this is where we have this fucking problem, man. 1.00

00:53:43.000 Because we've got a group of people who believe that rabbits floated on rafts from one continent to the next. 0.99

00:53:49.000 We've got a group of people who really fucking believe in some very archaic, primitive bullshit, and we're really letting them We're really letting them run with it, man. 0.99

00:53:56.000 We're really letting them run with it. 0.99

00:53:58.000 Not only that, you're supposed to, if you're polite, to allow them whatever craziness they believe without ever arguing it or ever discussing it or ever disagreeing with it.

00:54:08.000 Yeah, and it's fine.

00:54:09.000 It's like, it's fine. 1.00

00:54:09.000 Okay, man, fucking believe that shit. 1.00

00:54:11.000 I don't care. 1.00

00:54:12.000 I really don't care.

00:54:13.000 And if it makes you happy, I really do mean God bless you and I'm happy you're happy. 0.93

00:54:19.000 That's fucking awesome. 0.99

00:54:20.000 But if you're making political decisions based on these belief systems, well, we got a fucking problem, man. 1.00

00:54:25.000 We got a big fucking problem because you're making political decisions based on an imaginary voice in your fucking head that thinks that a floating man is going to come down from space. 1.00

00:54:35.000 And this is a problem. 0.99

00:54:37.000 This is a problem because the decisions need to be made on a more realistic level. 0.99

00:54:41.000 Human level, which is like, hey, there's a lot of people on this fucking planet. 0.97

00:54:46.000 We need to start working together and stop blowing each other up. 0.98

00:54:51.000 As crazy an idea as that may be, it's pretty much time to put down the Bible. 0.99

00:54:57.000 Let's put down the fucking Quran. 1.00

00:54:58.000 Let's put down the old crusty old fucking scrolls and just treat it like we're living in a neighborhood. 1.00

00:55:04.000 And let's see if we can fucking... 1.00

00:55:07.000 Let's see if we can just stop blowing each other up for a second, Iran. 1.00

00:55:11.000 You don't need nuclear missiles, Iran.

00:55:13.000 Let's not make nuclear missiles. 0.99

00:55:14.000 And Israel, let's not fucking attack Iran right now. 0.98

00:55:18.000 None of the people want to fight. 0.99

00:55:19.000 None of the people want war.

00:55:21.000 We don't want to die.

00:55:22.000 I don't want to die. 0.99

00:55:23.000 I don't want anybody to get fucking blown up. 0.98

00:55:26.000 None of us want that, man. 0.98

00:55:27.000 Maybe there's 3,000 of us who want that.

00:55:31.000 Maybe there's 3,000 people who really are into it and that's it.

00:55:34.000 And there's a lot more of us than there are of them.

00:55:37.000 So at some point, something has to happen where a shift takes place, where people start prioritizing what's actually happening over what people dressed in funny outfits are telling us an invisible man is saying we should do.

00:55:51.000 It's so obvious!

00:55:53.000 For example, if you're in the woods and you get to choose between two guides, There's a guy wearing camouflage. 0.99

00:55:59.000 He's like, got a fucking Rambo knife and some fucking awesome tattoos. 0.99

00:56:04.000 And then there's a guy who comes out dressed in a black fucking cloak holding a book. 1.00

00:56:07.000 And he's like, this is a magic book! 1.00

00:56:10.000 This is my magic forest book!

00:56:12.000 And this book will give you all the answers you need in this giant, massive, deadly, dangerous, snake-filled, bear-ridden forest.

00:56:19.000 Who are you going to pick?

00:56:20.000 The guy with the magic book? 0.99

00:56:22.000 Or the fucking, the, um, the guy? 1.00

00:56:24.000 Camel guy. 1.00

00:56:24.000 You got to go with the camel guy. 1.00

00:56:25.000 You go with the camo fucking guy. 1.00

00:56:27.000 You go with the fucking camo guy. 1.00

00:56:29.000 Maybe you take down the guy in the funny robe and steal his robe to make a hammock. 0.99

00:56:32.000 But you don't fucking, you don't fucking, uh, you don't follow the guy with the funny book. 0.99

00:56:37.000 Well, unless your brain doesn't work that good, man. 0.99

00:56:40.000 That's a problem.

00:56:41.000 I think that one of the things that religion can do for people that really helps is it gives you an operating system.

00:56:48.000 And I think intelligent people use it that way. 0.99

00:56:50.000 And I think some really dumb people use it that way. 0.98

00:56:54.000 And if they didn't have it, they wouldn't know what to do. 0.99

00:56:57.000 And they might actually be a problem.

00:56:59.000 I think it gives people an operating system.

00:57:01.000 And although I don't agree with it, I think it's like, I've described it as like religion being like scaffolding.

00:57:08.000 That it's like scaffolding for expanding consciousness. 0.98

00:57:11.000 It allows you to have like some real like solid shit that you don't have to think or worry about. 0.97

00:57:16.000 And then concentrate on being positive, helping your brother, being, you know, being a generous person. 0.97

00:57:22.000 It's a vehicle.

00:57:23.000 Yeah, a vehicle for...

00:57:24.000 And if, you know, you need stories or, you know, scripture or whatever it is that you need to get you into that frame of mind that puts you on that good scaffolding... 1.00

00:57:33.000 The shit's encoded, man. 1.00

00:57:34.000 It's a fractal. 1.00

00:57:36.000 There's deep information in all the scriptures.

00:57:38.000 I certainly...

00:57:40.000 But they're all so different and their rules are so different.

00:57:44.000 That's true, man.

00:57:45.000 I know.

00:57:46.000 Some of them are just not into being happy, right?

00:57:48.000 Yeah.

00:57:49.000 Well, what it is, is it seems to be a problem of literalism.

00:57:55.000 It's like people are reading things and taking them literally and not looking into the deeper levels of things.

00:58:03.000 This is happening in every single aspect of our society.

00:58:07.000 It seems that people are becoming more and more literal.

00:58:10.000 They, they, the, the, their understanding of symbolism, parody, that kind of stuff becomes, seems to be a little muddied right now. 0.98

00:58:18.000 For example, the most recent thing that happened is, as you know, I know you know, Daniel Tosh and the fucking rape fias. 0.99

00:58:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:58:31.000 I know this has been chewed gum on this show.

00:58:33.000 Yeah, this is the third podcast in a row.

00:58:35.000 All comedians should be talking about it! 1.00

00:58:38.000 These bastards want to steal our words! 1.00

00:58:42.000 When you deal with things on the surface level, And you don't look deeper. 1.00

00:58:47.000 Well, then you get into stupid wrestling, semantic wrestling matches with comedians over the most ridiculous ideas ever. 0.99

00:58:54.000 Instead of just like, yeah, he was like throwing something out there. 1.00

00:58:57.000 He's not a rapist.

00:58:58.000 He doesn't want to rape.

00:59:00.000 He threw something out there. 0.86

00:59:02.000 It's no problem. 0.99

00:59:03.000 You know, just a little, just three inches under the surface of that fucking thing. 0.99

00:59:06.000 And it's a yawn. 0.99

00:59:07.000 It's a yawn, mostly.

00:59:08.000 It's like, whatever. 0.99

00:59:09.000 But like, on the surface, it's fucking... 0.99

00:59:14.000 So in the same way, people take these very powerful scriptures, they interpret them on the surface level, and they start arguing about the fucking surface level. 0.98

00:59:24.000 So now, when people are talking about the fucking Garden of Eden, they're arguing over, like, who was the bad guy? 0.96

00:59:32.000 Was it Eve or was it Adam? 1.00

00:59:33.000 Well, it was Eve's fault, because she listened to that darn old snake first. 0.99

00:59:38.000 People really think that. 0.99

00:59:39.000 They're like, yeah, it's the woman's fault. 1.00

00:59:41.000 That's what she got cursed with a painful childbirth. 1.00

00:59:45.000 And there's some of that in there, but it's like, come on, fuckheads. 1.00

00:59:48.000 Come on! 1.00

00:59:50.000 So then, when you get into the fucking Kabbalah, and you look at the Kabbalistic Tree of Life... 0.96

00:59:56.000 And you see something that's taking the fucking idea of the Tree of Life and the Garden of Eden and deepening it to like the really much deeper part of the fucking fractal where it's an expression of the expansion of nothingness into somethingness in the universe and it's a cool metaphysical grid that shows a thing Becoming aware of itself, or a thing waking up and then becoming aware of itself, creating a triangle which flips over because it reflects itself into the universe. 0.96

01:00:23.000 It's deep. 0.99

01:00:24.000 It's heavy shit. 1.00

01:00:25.000 It's fucking awesome. 1.00

01:00:27.000 This is Kabbalah? 0.99

01:00:28.000 That's the Kabbalistic tree of life in it. 0.95

01:00:30.000 And is this the stuff that you're not supposed to even read until you hit like 36 or some shit like that? 0.83

01:00:34.000 Yeah, that's what they say. 0.81

01:00:36.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:00:36.000 I don't go to the Kabbalah Center or anything.

01:00:38.000 I've just been reading Aleister Crowley.

01:00:40.000 And he's got like some...

01:00:42.000 Whoa, a snake sound to confirm your allegiance with Satan.

01:00:46.000 Duncan, you're a grown man.

01:00:47.000 You just hissed.

01:00:49.000 Oh, gee.

01:00:50.000 Let me tell you, man. 0.52

01:00:51.000 Shout at the devil!

01:00:53.000 I've hissed at the sun.

01:00:54.000 I found myself hissing from time to time. 0.99

01:00:56.000 Just for the fuck of it? 0.99

01:00:57.000 Hangover. 0.99

01:00:57.000 Does it feel good? 0.99

01:00:58.000 Hangover, you guys.

01:00:59.000 Oh, hangover.

01:01:00.000 You feel like a vampire?

01:01:01.000 Yeah.

01:01:01.000 Yeah, that's what vampires look like, right?

01:01:02.000 They look like they're hungover.

01:01:03.000 Like when the sun comes out.

01:01:07.000 They do. 1.00

01:01:07.000 They look fucking... 1.00

01:01:08.000 What a weird idea is that sometimes you can have vampires that follow all the vampire rules until real recently. 1.00

01:01:14.000 People got so fucking arrogant. 0.96

01:01:16.000 They were like, well, no, no, no. 0.99

01:01:18.000 Now vampires are actually your friend and they only eat deer and they don't burn when it's sunny out.

01:01:24.000 They just glisten.

01:01:24.000 They don't want to be glistening.

01:01:25.000 They sparkle, Joe.

01:01:27.000 They don't glisten.

01:01:28.000 They sparkle, Joe. 1.00

01:01:29.000 Vampires all of a sudden became cool and you could fuck them. 1.00

01:01:33.000 Oh, yeah, dude. 1.00

01:01:33.000 Well, that's Anne Rice's fault, right? 1.00

01:01:35.000 Is it her fault?

01:01:36.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:01:37.000 The fucking Interview with the Vampire. 1.00

01:01:39.000 Well, no, I don't think so, man. 1.00

01:01:41.000 Because even before Interview with the Vampire, Dracula was very sexual.

01:01:45.000 Dracula was hypnotic.

01:01:48.000 Yeah.

01:01:48.000 He was very sexual in a lot of the older movies.

01:01:52.000 You know, there was a few of them.

01:01:53.000 The Gary Oldman.

01:01:54.000 What came first, Gary Oldman or Anne Rice?

01:01:56.000 Probably Anne Rice, right?

01:01:58.000 I don't know.

01:01:58.000 For the Gary Oldman Dracula?

01:01:59.000 I think Anne Rice.

01:02:00.000 I'm almost positive, actually. 0.97

01:02:01.000 Well, no, the fucking old Dracula, I think the Brom Stoker Dracula, didn't... 0.97

01:02:06.000 Oh, that was a long time ago. 0.99

01:02:07.000 He had some tramps in the castle, didn't he?

01:02:10.000 There was a room you went into and there were all these female vampires. 1.00

01:02:14.000 Really? 0.99

01:02:14.000 Fucking hot. 0.99

01:02:15.000 As I recall... 0.95

01:02:16.000 Yeah, and like, they were seductive, and they would like, you know, they would... 0.94

01:02:20.000 Powerful Dracula!

01:02:21.000 That's the good part of it.

01:02:22.000 Yeah, everyone's hating on Dracula. 1.00

01:02:24.000 He's got these hot bitches that want to suck blood. 1.00

01:02:25.000 They're ready to throw it out. 1.00

01:02:27.000 Ugh, that's so fucking hot. 0.99

01:02:28.000 He just gets to bone him. 0.98

01:02:29.000 He never boned him in front of anybody, though. 0.96

01:02:31.000 I guess once you start drinking people's blood, that's like way cooler than boning chicks. 1.00

01:02:35.000 You just completely give up on boning. 0.97

01:02:37.000 I mean, in the world of vampires, that is boning.

01:02:40.000 The best Dracula, though, of all time, unquestionably, was Gary Oldman.

01:02:45.000 Did you see that one?

01:02:46.000 I don't think...

01:02:47.000 Oh, my goodness.

01:02:49.000 It's so good that Keanu Reeves can't fuck it up. 0.99

01:02:52.000 I don't know, because I haven't seen it, but I'll tell you my favorite fucking vampire. 0.99

01:02:56.000 By the way, I do like Keanu Reeves. 0.99

01:02:58.000 It's just a cheap joke.

01:02:59.000 I like Keanu Reeves.

01:03:00.000 It's a cheap joke.

01:03:00.000 I miss the joke.

01:03:01.000 I love you, Keanu.

01:03:02.000 Oh God, I love you.

01:03:03.000 You didn't even pay attention to my joke.

01:03:04.000 You're just waiting to say what you gotta say.

01:03:05.000 No, I was listening, Joe.

01:03:07.000 I'll tell you why.

01:03:08.000 Dracula, whatever.

01:03:09.000 No, no, no.

01:03:09.000 Here's where my mind started wandering.

01:03:11.000 You said the greatest vampire, and then I thought, no, no, no. 0.99

01:03:15.000 The greatest vampire of all time, the spookiest vampire of all time, is fucking Nosferatu. 0.99

01:03:22.000 Oh, the original. 0.99

01:03:23.000 Yeah, you're right. 1.00

01:03:24.000 Fuck that thing. 1.00

01:03:25.000 Well, also that was like really original. 1.00

01:03:27.000 I mean, and think about that guy did that.

01:03:30.000 It was like, wow, it's a silent movie.

01:03:32.000 No, man. 1.00

01:03:33.000 That thing was a scary son of a bitch. 1.00

01:03:36.000 That's what a vampire is like. 1.00

01:03:38.000 The long fingers kind of gobbling in.

01:03:42.000 Just a creepy thing pops out of the shadows.

01:03:46.000 Talk more, dude.

01:03:48.000 Keep talking.

01:03:48.000 I love it.

01:03:49.000 Sorry.

01:03:50.000 Am I yapping too much?

01:03:51.000 No, I love it.

01:03:52.000 Oh, you do?

01:03:53.000 Really?

01:03:53.000 Yeah, man.

01:03:54.000 Nosferatu.

01:03:55.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:03:56.000 That guy's fucking scary. 1.00

01:03:57.000 But, you know, the Salem's Lot vampires are pretty fucking spooky, too. 1.00

01:04:00.000 1922, brother. 0.98

01:04:03.000 1922. And I'm looking at the images of it right now.

01:04:05.000 Oh my god, it's fucking incredible. 0.97

01:04:08.000 It was legitimately frightening. 0.99

01:04:10.000 Legitimately frightening. 0.99

01:04:11.000 And it was in the fucking early 1900s. 0.99

01:04:16.000 Dude... 0.99

01:04:16.000 Incredible. 0.99

01:04:17.000 And they find fucking coffins still to... 0.99

01:04:19.000 You know, they found coffins out there where people have hammered stakes into the... 0.99

01:04:22.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:04:23.000 Well, there's probably, I'm sure, people that were fucking assholes and they just wanted to make sure they really never came back. 1.00

01:04:28.000 But this motherfucker was creepy. 1.00

01:04:30.000 You're right, man. 1.00

01:04:31.000 You know, he might be the scariest one ever.

01:04:34.000 Yeah, that... 0.98

01:04:34.000 Especially when you consider it was 90 fucking years ago. 0.98

01:04:37.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:04:38.000 That was fucking... 0.99

01:04:39.000 Well, I mean, that was based on the real thing. 0.99

01:04:41.000 Whatever was wandering around out in the fucking woods of Germany, that's what was out there. 0.98

01:04:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:46.000 What a crazy people. 0.95

01:04:48.000 Remember, it was based on a real man. 1.00

01:04:52.000 Oh my god, look at this fucking photo of it, dude. 1.00

01:04:55.000 It's a really good goddamn image. 1.00

01:04:58.000 They're really fucking scary looking. 1.00

01:05:00.000 Yeah, that's a scary vampire. 1.00

01:05:02.000 1922. Because if you go watch King Kong, King Kong's not really scary.

01:05:07.000 That's from the 30s.

01:05:08.000 Nope, not scary at all.

01:05:10.000 Not scary. 0.99

01:05:11.000 King Kong cannot fuck with Nosferatu. 0.99

01:05:15.000 No, not, I mean, I guess if I had to pick who I wanted to run from, it's gonna be a fucking Nosferatu, though. 0.99

01:05:21.000 But how weird is it that they just hijacked the whole vampire thing? 1.00

01:05:24.000 Vampires used to be the worst shit that could ever happen to you. 1.00

01:05:26.000 And now he's a hunky guy. 1.00

01:05:28.000 Well, I'll tell you why they fucking did that shit, brother. 1.00

01:05:31.000 There's money in it. 1.00

01:05:31.000 Yeah, they gotta sell it to teenagers. 1.00

01:05:33.000 It's women, man. 1.00

01:05:34.000 A lot of women. 1.00

01:05:35.000 People that want romance.

01:05:38.000 The thing about the Twilight books, so I've been told by Mrs. Rogan, is that they're very romantic, unrealistically romantic.

01:05:49.000 Because he's a vampire and it's like he's got all the super power and everything like that.

01:05:53.000 It's like he like is giving it all up just to be with her.

01:05:56.000 You know what I mean?

01:05:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:57.000 And it's this weird sort of like he needs her so much and women love that shit. 1.00

01:06:04.000 It's just a natural sort of a thing for them. 0.99

01:06:06.000 So like when you see like women that would be waiting in line to go to those movies, it just hits a chord that we don't have.

01:06:13.000 We don't know that chord. 0.99

01:06:14.000 But the chick who wrote that shit knows that chord. 1.00

01:06:17.000 So she nailed it. 1.00

01:06:18.000 You're talking about the court of love.

01:06:20.000 I'm talking about the court of affection and admiration.

01:06:26.000 I think all women want to be worshipped. 0.98

01:06:31.000 They think that's the most romantic thing for a guy who would do anything for you.

01:06:34.000 So he would do anything for that girl in those books.

01:06:38.000 He would do anything for her.

01:06:40.000 I mean, he didn't even want to bite her.

01:06:42.000 He wanted to protect her from everybody.

01:06:44.000 He was in love with her.

01:06:45.000 Meanwhile, he was like a thousand years old and she's in high school. 0.96

01:06:48.000 Like, it's really fucking creepy if you stop and think about it. 1.00

01:06:51.000 He's a thousand years old or whatever the fuck he is. 0.99

01:06:53.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

01:06:55.000 She's in high school, man. 1.00

01:06:56.000 You're fucking crazy. 1.00

01:06:58.000 What kind of conversations are you having with her? 1.00

01:07:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:07:02.000 I mean it'd be hard enough if you were 30. If you were 30 and you're dating a girl in high school, you'd be like, I gotta kill myself. 0.99

01:07:08.000 I can't take it. 0.99

01:07:09.000 I can't talk to her. 1.00

01:07:11.000 She's fucking... 1.00

01:07:12.000 All she wants to talk about is Instagram. 1.00

01:07:14.000 He's just a thousand-year-old person. 1.00

01:07:16.000 He's a fucking creeper. 1.00

01:07:17.000 He's a total creeper. 1.00

01:07:19.000 She could be his great, great... 0.74

01:07:21.000 It's not like he just was frozen for all those years like Captain America. 1.00

01:07:24.000 No, this asshole's been alive the whole time and pretended he's in high school. 1.00

01:07:29.000 It might be one of the dumbest ideas ever. 1.00

01:07:31.000 It's not fair. 0.99

01:07:32.000 He's got magical powers.

01:07:34.000 He can fly. 1.00

01:07:35.000 He's flying a fucking high school kid through the trees. 1.00

01:07:37.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:07:38.000 Did they fuck? 1.00

01:07:40.000 Yes, eventually. 0.99

01:07:42.000 Spoiler.

01:07:43.000 Yes.

01:07:44.000 Allegedly.

01:07:45.000 How about that?

01:07:46.000 I don't know.

01:07:47.000 Has it already happened?

01:07:47.000 It might have already happened.

01:07:48.000 I only saw like two of them.

01:07:50.000 I think there's been three of them. 1.00

01:07:51.000 You think he put it in her asshole? 1.00

01:07:53.000 I don't think vampires are allowed to do that. 1.00

01:07:55.000 I think it's a sin even for vampires.

01:07:58.000 I think even for vampires.

01:08:00.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:08:04.000 Female vampires are going to cut the shit. 1.00

01:08:06.000 Just stop it. 1.00

01:08:08.000 They don't even shit anymore, so it probably dries up nice. 1.00

01:08:13.000 You don't shit when you're eating blood. 1.00

01:08:15.000 You probably barely... 1.00

01:08:16.000 You don't have to urinate.

01:08:17.000 You probably get the exact amount you need.

01:08:20.000 You don't know that.

01:08:21.000 I would imagine you would get the exact amount you need.

01:08:22.000 No, man. 1.00

01:08:23.000 A vampire's asshole is swollen and broken. 1.00

01:08:27.000 Could you imagine a scene where you walk down into a New York City subway and you saw some crazy looking vampire dude just shitting blood? 1.00

01:08:35.000 Just blood squirting out of his ass. 1.00

01:08:38.000 Chunky cottage cheese blood. 1.00

01:08:41.000 That's what a vampire looks like.

01:08:43.000 In a tunnel.

01:08:45.000 A subway tunnel. 0.99

01:08:46.000 Just shitting blood. 1.00

01:08:48.000 Looking at you and thinking about sucking your blood next. 1.00

01:08:51.000 It's weird. 1.00

01:08:52.000 That's as far as they go. 1.00

01:08:54.000 Vampires suck your blood. 1.00

01:08:55.000 That's the worst thing they do. 1.00

01:08:56.000 But there's never been a supernatural creature that mouth fucks you. 0.98

01:09:00.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:09:01.000 I think we talked about that before.

01:09:03.000 Did we really?

01:09:04.000 As ridiculous as it is, I think we actually did talk about this before. 0.99

01:09:08.000 It must be on my fucking mind, man. 1.00

01:09:09.000 There's no spooky fucking bat or some creepy fucking... 1.00

01:09:12.000 That rapes people. 1.00

01:09:13.000 That was mouth-raping dudes. 1.00

01:09:15.000 I don't use that word, but a fucking horrifying, horrifying being. 1.00

01:09:20.000 It doesn't have to be a vampire. 0.99

01:09:21.000 It could just be some bug, some insect or something that came out of the earth, and that's how it does it. 0.99

01:09:26.000 It just fucking... 0.99

01:09:27.000 It lives off of the... 1.00

01:09:30.000 It lives off of, like...

01:09:31.000 People gagging.

01:09:33.000 It absorbs the energy of people gagging.

01:09:37.000 It gets powerful.

01:09:38.000 Yeah, the twitching of your body when you're trying to throw up.

01:09:41.000 Yeah, it's a gagpire. 1.00

01:09:42.000 Your pipe is clogged by a fat cock. 1.00

01:09:45.000 You can't even throw up. 1.00

01:09:46.000 You're trying to throw up and he's just holding the back of your head with a scaly paw.

01:09:51.000 Latches down.

01:09:53.000 That's what they came to do.

01:09:54.000 They just came to get head. 1.00

01:09:55.000 They have really tough dicks. 1.00

01:09:57.000 You really cannot even pierce the skin. 0.99

01:10:00.000 You can bite it as hard as you want.

01:10:02.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

01:10:03.000 When aliens face fuck you, it just goes in, you accept it, and it just fucks your throat. 1.00

01:10:09.000 You try to throw up, but it can't get past the fat alien cock that's stretching your insides out. 1.00

01:10:14.000 Pumping oxygen in. 0.99

01:10:15.000 By the way, it's keeping you alive. 1.00

01:10:17.000 Keeping you alive while you suck its cock. 1.00

01:10:22.000 It changes your whole, it blows your lungs out and actually eats them and converts it to a type of glue that keeps the cock attached to your body to keep you alive because now you no longer have lungs. 1.00

01:10:35.000 Dude, that's the worst. 0.99

01:10:36.000 You get all your oxygen through his cock. 1.00

01:10:43.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:10:44.000 Could you imagine?

01:10:45.000 That would be the worst.

01:10:46.000 And some people would say, you know what?

01:10:47.000 I don't care.

01:10:49.000 I love aliens anyway.

01:10:51.000 They're still awesome.

01:10:52.000 They're teaching us!

01:10:53.000 Listen, for him, it might be really awesome. 1.00

01:10:56.000 Maybe he loves the fact that he's getting the oxygen to that cock. 1.00

01:11:00.000 You stay alive. 1.00

01:11:01.000 Your body withers away.

01:11:02.000 You can't really move your arms.

01:11:03.000 You're flailing.

01:11:04.000 You're like impaled. 1.00

01:11:05.000 You just look like a skeleton with a fucking dildo in its mouth. 1.00

01:11:09.000 And every year it just goes deeper in your body. 1.00

01:11:12.000 The dick keeps growing. 1.00

01:11:13.000 Eventually it turns into you. 1.00

01:11:14.000 You just turn into like a cactus dick thing. 1.00

01:11:18.000 You're like a shish kebab. 1.00

01:11:20.000 A dick kebab. 1.00

01:11:22.000 Every year the dick slowly grows inside your body and starts cracking open organs and pushing ribs to the side, popping them and snapping them as it eventually goes through your body. 0.99

01:11:34.000 But it does it so slowly that you never actually die, especially since the dick is providing with oxygen. 1.00

01:11:39.000 But then when it gets to the end, the dick pops out of your asshole and you deflate like a balloon. 1.00

01:11:45.000 And that sound is known as thumping. 1.00

01:11:48.000 Like, it's like the sound of a man's final thump.

01:11:51.000 There's no worse sound.

01:11:52.000 It's like an old... 0.99

01:11:54.000 I mean, that's not any weirder than a lot of shit that's real. 0.99

01:12:00.000 It's not any weirder than those aquatic worms that gestate inside of grasshoppers and get them to commit suicide so they can be born. 0.99

01:12:07.000 That's nuts enough.

01:12:09.000 No, man.

01:12:10.000 I know. 0.97

01:12:10.000 It's not that fucking weird. 0.97

01:12:12.000 It's not weird at all, right? 0.91

01:12:12.000 But it's like we don't... 0.91

01:12:13.000 The closest to horror movies...

01:12:15.000 Of course it's weird.

01:12:16.000 It's the weirdest thing.

01:12:17.000 But it's not any more weird than like cordyceps mushrooms that grow inside ants' heads and then explode and spray the air and infect all these other ants to become zombie ants. 0.99

01:12:27.000 Turns them into fucking goddamn banelings. 0.99

01:12:30.000 God bless you, Starcraft 2. Artosis, I love you. 1.00

01:12:33.000 It turns them into bombs, right? 1.00

01:12:36.000 It turns them into fucking bombs. 1.00

01:12:38.000 It's like a fungal bomb. 1.00

01:12:39.000 It's a fungal bomb.

01:12:40.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 1.00

01:12:42.000 Yeah, dude, fucking... 1.00

01:12:44.000 The nature is insane, man. 1.00

01:12:46.000 Sometimes I think about that notion of the fungal consciousness infector, the thing that like...

01:12:53.000 I know this is chewed gum, because I know we've talked about it.

01:12:58.000 Toxoplasmosis, for example.

01:12:59.000 Yeah, I had to describe that today to Everlast.

01:13:02.000 I had to explain to him about cats. 0.77

01:13:03.000 cats but dude if you take this the next level you know this is where we get into the realm the metaphysical realm that um a lot of people believe that you know you can get fucking possessed by a spirit right and this is not just fucking christians this is like in almost every religion is this notion that a a thing can get into you and start fucking controlling you and it's like man 0.93

01:13:26.000 if it's if there's fuck you know maybe there's disembodied beings that really can like get inside You know, maybe just certain ideas. 0.95

01:13:38.000 Maybe, like, certain ideas. 0.98

01:13:39.000 I think, what's his name, Steiner?

01:13:42.000 Someone was just telling me he believed that ideas were alive, right?

01:13:47.000 What if there are certain ideas that someone could implant into your head that's the exact same thing as being possessed?

01:13:53.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:13:54.000 So you get this fucking idea and it just grows inside of you. 1.00

01:13:57.000 Much like our legendary dick alien, it grows inside of you and turns you into a fucking different person. 1.00

01:14:04.000 There are certain people that are so susceptible to ideas and words that they can get them in their head and obsess on them to the point of almost like madness. 1.00

01:14:12.000 Yes.

01:14:13.000 I had a friend who had a nervous breakdown while he was hosting a show where there was a black gentleman who was the actor in the show, a very famous guy.

01:14:23.000 And as he's warming up the crowd, Brody Stevens style, he gets this thought in his head that he can't get out.

01:14:31.000 And the thought is, don't say nigger.

01:14:34.000 Don't say nigger, whatever you do, don't say it. 0.79

01:14:36.000 He would never say it.

01:14:37.000 He's not a racist by any stretch of the imagination.

01:14:40.000 It was just madness.

01:14:41.000 So he had a complete nervous breakdown while he was doing stand-up, while he was warming up on some Hollywood soundstage.

01:14:50.000 And he just had a nervous breakdown.

01:14:52.000 He just, he could not think of not saying that word.

01:14:55.000 So it would just completely fucking freaked him out to the point where he froze and he couldn't get any words out and people were concerned about him.

01:15:02.000 They were looking at him like, is he okay? 0.68

01:15:04.000 Like, he just stopped in mid-sentence and everyone's listening to him.

01:15:07.000 He's got a microphone. 0.95

01:15:08.000 He just locked the fuck up with, and I was like, wow. 0.98

01:15:12.000 Right. 0.97

01:15:12.000 I was like, what is that like? 0.97

01:15:14.000 possessed by an idea the idea possessed him and took over his body and there's other versions of this idea you know whatever the idea is that gets in someone's head and makes them think that a solution to a problem is to wrap explosives around their body and go wandering into a cafe that person's got a bad idea that's a bad idea inside their head that's a bad thing living inside their head yeah It's a bad idea. 0.97

01:15:36.000 And it's like, there's a lot of fucking people on the planet who've got some bad ideas in their fucking heads, man, you know? 0.52

01:15:42.000 But, you know, they're just, I suppose, whether they're living or not, it's just a device to, like, help understand the spread of the thing. 0.99

01:15:50.000 It spreads more like a virus, ideas.

01:15:53.000 Spread more like a virus than they do anything else, right? 0.99

01:15:55.000 They fucking take over a person. 0.98

01:15:57.000 They get into its subjective DNA. They... 1.00

01:16:01.000 Transform its thought patterns and then that being begins to infect those around it with the similar Ideas and and then that spreads the fucking thought disease out through through the world, you know, right and that that's like Going on right fucking now, right? 1.00

01:16:17.000 goddamn Chick-fil-a I'm gonna go around to chick-fil-a and eat some fucking Chicken sandwiches! 0.99

01:16:24.000 To show my love for Jesus. 1.00

01:16:25.000 Yeah, right.

01:16:26.000 And that's a flower growing from the tree of an idea that's been planted in the minds of many people.

01:16:34.000 You know, the fundamentalists. 0.99

01:16:35.000 And it's like, fuck, man, what if it is a living thing? 1.00

01:16:38.000 What if they're actually possessed by a living force that is not that great? 0.99

01:16:43.000 It's just like that fungal thing sending the ants up the tree.

01:16:47.000 That's interesting.

01:16:48.000 That's an interesting way of looking at it, that these ideas are actually living things.

01:16:52.000 Yeah, I mean, it might be...

01:16:54.000 Who knows?

01:16:55.000 I mean, it is very strange when you think about the direction that our society goes in. 0.98

01:17:00.000 And then it does seem to be led to and fro by, like, really insane shit upon occasion. 1.00

01:17:06.000 Insane shit. 1.00

01:17:07.000 Insane, sane, sane shit. 1.00

01:17:09.000 And you're like, wait a minute, what are you doing? 1.00

01:17:10.000 Because she did what?

01:17:11.000 She danced? 0.81

01:17:12.000 What?

01:17:14.000 This is your belief? 0.87

01:17:16.000 You know, you're gonna line a woman up in the middle of the street and throw rocks at her because someone caught her dating a member of the wrong Muslim tribe? 0.93

01:17:23.000 Yes. 0.89

01:17:24.000 Oh my goodness.

01:17:25.000 It gets weird, man.

01:17:27.000 Really scary weird. 0.99

01:17:28.000 Well, it gets fucking weird because, I mean, goddamn, the first fucking, when the first monkey decided to come down out of the tree and wander out and start fucking hunting, you know, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that the other fucking monkeys that decided to stay in the fucking tree, and in this situation, I'm not saying one group is a monkey and one group's not, I'm saying we're all fucking monkeys, but the ones that decided to stay up in the goddamn tree didn't have nuclear weapons, you know? 0.99

01:17:58.000 Did you hear about the nuclear sub that was sneaking around off the coast of Mexico?

01:18:02.000 Sure did.

01:18:03.000 It was right down near San Diego.

01:18:04.000 Russian, right?

01:18:05.000 Russian.

01:18:05.000 Having a little fun out there.

01:18:07.000 Russian nuclear sub got right up next to us, just to let you know, bitch. 1.00

01:18:11.000 Holla! 1.00

01:18:12.000 Hey. 0.92

01:18:12.000 I could sneak up on you, armed with warheads. 0.92

01:18:15.000 Sure, easy.

01:18:15.000 It was a real, legitimate nuclear submarine.

01:18:17.000 Check it out. 1.00

01:18:18.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:18:19.000 Whoops! 1.00

01:18:19.000 That wasn't a message. 1.00

01:18:20.000 Oh my dear, I guess I... And they were there for a while.

01:18:22.000 We didn't know they were there.

01:18:23.000 I guess my GPS was off. 0.99

01:18:25.000 I ended up off the coast of fucking San Diego. 0.97

01:18:28.000 Most apologies in America. 0.97

01:18:30.000 Most apologies.

01:18:32.000 Our OnStar malfunction.

01:18:34.000 Malfunction GPS. Yeah, how crazy is that?

01:18:39.000 There was a warship.

01:18:40.000 The other superpower that wants to get bigger and better is run by criminals. 1.00

01:18:45.000 Here's where we come to the fucking, you know... 0.99

01:18:49.000 The thing that McKenna kept talking about. 0.98

01:18:53.000 He's like, look, we don't have time to teach people to meditate anymore. 0.99

01:18:57.000 People are possessed by this fucking idea. 0.99

01:19:01.000 We can teach people to meditate, but first they need to get super high on a psychedelic. 1.00

01:19:07.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:19:08.000 There needs to be this imperative to transform those fucking crazy thought structures that are floating around in people's heads because they've got fucking nuclear weapons. 0.99

01:19:20.000 Thanks, friend. 1.00

01:19:21.000 You can't just climb out of the goddamn tree now. 1.00

01:19:24.000 You know, if you climb out of the fucking tree, people are going to say you're a goddamn heretic. 1.00

01:19:28.000 You know, you're a goddamn anti-American heretic. 1.00

01:19:31.000 Listen to me, say there's no fucking Jesus Christ, and the goddamn rabbits got across the fucking ocean in some way that didn't involve floating on logs? 1.00

01:19:37.000 You're obsessed with this rabbit in the ocean thing. 1.00

01:19:39.000 Well, they didn't say rabbits, but I just pictured that.

01:19:41.000 They just said animals.

01:19:42.000 I don't know the spread of rabbits throughout the planet.

01:19:45.000 Floating around on logs. 0.99

01:19:47.000 Oh, yeah, but some of those fucking... 0.99

01:19:48.000 Well, you know what else is apparently everywhere on the planet? 0.99

01:19:51.000 Sasquatch?

01:19:54.000 Yeah, well. 1.00

01:19:55.000 Yeah, you fucking laugh, dude. 0.99

01:19:57.000 But I'm going squatching. 1.00

01:19:58.000 You're getting known as a Sasquatch believer.

01:20:01.000 I'm not squatching.

01:20:02.000 You know that's happening to you.

01:20:04.000 I'm down.

01:20:05.000 I'm steady squatching.

01:20:07.000 Look, man.

01:20:08.000 Have you ever watched the show?

01:20:09.000 Finding Bigfoot?

01:20:10.000 No, I just got a TV. I had Bobo from Finding Bigfoot on the podcast.

01:20:14.000 It was awesome.

01:20:15.000 He gave me a cast.

01:20:16.000 There's a cast over there.

01:20:17.000 I'll show it to you.

01:20:18.000 Foot.

01:20:19.000 Giant foot hat.

01:20:20.000 Does he believe it? 1.00

01:20:21.000 Oh, fuck yeah, he believes it. 1.00

01:20:22.000 He said he's seen it. 1.00

01:20:24.000 He said he's seen it, man.

01:20:26.000 You know what's really creepy though?

01:20:27.000 Really.

01:20:27.000 Northern California, that whole area, it's got like Ape Canyon, Ape River, Monkey Canyon.

01:20:33.000 It's like all these like weird fucking names that involve primates. 0.98

01:20:37.000 But it's not a place where there's any apes. 0.99

01:20:39.000 It's really strange.

01:20:40.000 There's a lot of sightings in one area.

01:20:43.000 A lot of sightings for the last couple hundred years and it's a really densely wooded area.

01:20:47.000 Doesn't mean that they're not bears and people aren't on mushrooms.

01:20:50.000 It's totally possible that it also could have been just an idea that one person had and they ran with it and it fucking carried on as almost a tradition. 0.91

01:20:59.000 Okay, not to take this idea too far, but fucking McKenna talked about the idea that the UFO is some kind of projection of the mystery, of novelty, of something within humans or something in fucking hyperspace. 0.94

01:21:14.000 I think that was Jung. 0.98

01:21:15.000 Yeah, Carl Jung.

01:21:16.000 Carl Jung.

01:21:17.000 Maybe McKenna was quoting Jung.

01:21:18.000 Yeah, it's aliens and UFOs and archetypes.

01:21:22.000 I forget the book, but he wrote a whole book on that concept that the UFO was almost like a ghost of our imagination.

01:21:33.000 That's probably a terrible way of describing it.

01:21:34.000 That's pretty cool.

01:21:36.000 It is a ghost of our imagination.

01:21:38.000 It's a kind of specter that rises up out of the deepest parts of ourself or our potential and manifests as like, this is what we could be.

01:21:45.000 Have you ever seen a real UFO footage?

01:21:47.000 A real photo that you were like, yes. 0.98

01:21:50.000 I have seen pictures, but every single picture is always fucked up. 0.98

01:21:57.000 They had a new Sasquatch picture, and all they got is his back. 0.98

01:22:01.000 Crystal clear, in focus, his back.

01:22:05.000 Yeah, one shot, man. 1.00

01:22:07.000 Ew, sons of bitches, alright? 1.00

01:22:09.000 But, it's not saying that this is not a real animal, and the reason why I say that is Jane Goodall. 0.98

01:22:14.000 Jane Goodall, she was 100% convinced, all the people she talked to that had the same story, and all the same sightings that there was an undiscovered primate in the Pacific Northwest.

01:22:22.000 I have no problem. 0.81

01:22:23.000 I mean, it's never, it's something, it's not anything that fucking would, I think it'd be really awesome if somebody finally, like, I caught one of those things, but it's not going to make me fucking any happier when I wake up in the morning. 0.55

01:22:35.000 Oh, it would make me happier. 0.57

01:22:35.000 I love it. 0.57

01:22:36.000 I'm like a little kid.

01:22:38.000 I'd be so happy. 0.99

01:22:39.000 But I think, what the fuck do I know about primates? 0.98

01:22:42.000 A lot of what I know about primates came, they learned from Jane Goodall. 0.99

01:22:46.000 So for me to pretend that I know more about primates than Jane Goodall, it just seems ridiculous.

01:22:51.000 So if Jane Goodall says, I'm inclined, without doing too much research, I'm inclined to believe it. 1.00

01:22:58.000 Jane Goodall, she's a badass bitch. 1.00

01:23:00.000 She's a badass lady. 1.00

01:23:02.000 A lady, not a bitch. 1.00

01:23:04.000 Scholarly lady. 0.99

01:23:05.000 Thank you.

01:23:06.000 May I ask you a question?

01:23:08.000 For sure.

01:23:08.000 And I don't mean to offend Jane Goodall.

01:23:10.000 For sure.

01:23:11.000 You think she ever humped one of those? 1.00

01:23:13.000 For sure. 1.00

01:23:14.000 Yeah, fucked the shit out of at least one, just to see what was up. 0.99

01:23:17.000 Maybe that's what kept her all those years. 1.00

01:23:19.000 I think a lot of those ladies, they wind up fucking chimps. 1.00

01:23:22.000 Chimps have big dicks. 1.00

01:23:24.000 You know who doesn't have big dicks? 1.00

01:23:26.000 Gorillas. 0.99

01:23:27.000 Gorillas have little tiny dicks. 0.99

01:23:28.000 You know why? 1.00

01:23:28.000 Nobody's trying to fuck their girls. 1.00

01:23:30.000 Look at the size of them. 1.00

01:23:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:23:32.000 Gorillas.

01:23:33.000 Silverbacks.

01:23:33.000 The smart ones.

01:23:34.000 You think about what they are.

01:23:35.000 They're these giant, enormous, but peaceful, vegetarian gorillas. 0.99

01:23:41.000 It's like nature just made them so big so you leave them the fuck alone. 1.00

01:23:46.000 And it works so good that they can have a harem. 1.00

01:23:48.000 So they have a harem and there's no need to grow a big dick. 1.00

01:23:51.000 It's not about the size of your dick. 1.00

01:23:52.000 You don't have to impress these chicks. 1.00

01:23:54.000 They're yours.

01:23:54.000 Go ahead.

01:23:55.000 Get that one. 0.99

01:23:55.000 So they have like these little tiny dicks. 0.99

01:23:57.000 They're like an inch long. 0.98

01:23:57.000 They're always falling out. 0.98

01:23:59.000 Gorillas are terrible at fucking. 1.00

01:24:01.000 Christopher Ryan, the author of Sex at Dawn, talks about this. 1.00

01:24:05.000 He was telling me about this.

01:24:06.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:24:06.000 How gorillas have fucking tiny little dicks. 1.00

01:24:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:10.000 Because they have a hair... 1.00

01:24:11.000 Yeah, it's exactly... 0.83

01:24:12.000 There's no, like, competition to grow, like, big cocks. 0.99

01:24:15.000 That's why they also... 0.99

01:24:16.000 Chimps have huge balls, too. 1.00

01:24:17.000 Because all chimps are sluts. 1.00

01:24:20.000 Female chimps are just taking dick all over the place. 1.00

01:24:23.000 So the male chimps, their balls swell disproportionately with sperm, depending upon how much promiscuity is in their clan. 1.00

01:24:31.000 So if everybody's fucking everybody, their balls are giant. 1.00

01:24:34.000 And they're just ready to shoot loads on a drop of a hat. 1.00

01:24:37.000 You've got to be ready to fuck one of these crazy bitches whenever you can hold them down. 1.00

01:24:40.000 They're just banging each other left and right. 1.00

01:24:42.000 Especially like bonobos. 0.84

01:24:44.000 They're the craziest animal ever. 0.96

01:24:46.000 They have sex to get over arguments. 1.00

01:24:50.000 Men and men. 0.71

01:24:51.000 Women and women.

01:24:52.000 This is one of the premises in this book, which is that bonobos are closer to us than chimps, or equidistant genetically. 0.99

01:25:01.000 And they fuck missionary position. 1.00

01:25:05.000 They look in each other's eyes when they're humping. 1.00

01:25:07.000 I think there's some lesbian shit that happens out there. 1.00

01:25:10.000 They're just sexually promiscuous. 1.00

01:25:13.000 Yeah, it's a social... 0.99

01:25:14.000 It's a way to solidify social bonds through humping. 1.00

01:25:18.000 They do everything except the mother doesn't fuck the son. 1.00

01:25:21.000 That's it. 1.00

01:25:21.000 That's where they draw the line. 1.00

01:25:23.000 But other than that, that's how they resolve issues. 0.99

01:25:25.000 Father fucks daughter? 1.00

01:25:26.000 Yep. 1.00

01:25:27.000 Father fucks daughter. 1.00

01:25:28.000 Brothers fucks sisters. 1.00

01:25:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:31.000 But the mom does not fuck the sons. 1.00

01:25:33.000 Nope. 1.00

01:25:35.000 Yeah, it's strange.

01:25:36.000 Well, they got something, right? 1.00

01:25:39.000 That's step one, bitches. 1.00

01:25:41.000 Next try shoes. 1.00

01:25:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:44.000 They're never going to evolve because they have the fucking thumbs on their feet and they want to fly around the trees. 0.99

01:25:48.000 They're not going to lose that. 0.99

01:25:49.000 Why would you lose that?

01:25:50.000 That's the most awesome thing ever. 0.64

01:25:51.000 Flying around the trees is way better than any cool shit that we could do on the ground. 0.67

01:25:55.000 So for them to develop cars and all that other shit, you're going to have to spend a lot of time just walking around with shoes on. 0.92

01:26:00.000 Well, no, man, this is where we get into the idea. 0.99

01:26:02.000 First of all, man, I love the fucking idea of monkeys starting to wear shoes. 0.99

01:26:06.000 That would make me wake up happy in the morning. 0.99

01:26:09.000 Catcher's mitts.

01:26:09.000 They would start off with catcher's mitts.

01:26:11.000 Just how cute would that be?

01:26:12.000 Like, you see film of, like, monkeys, like, in the cute little sandals that they made out of bush baby skin. 0.99

01:26:17.000 Holy shit, do you think a mitt would work? 0.99

01:26:19.000 I wonder if it would work. 1.00

01:26:20.000 Sure.

01:26:21.000 I wonder if they could wear a mitt, walk around with catcher's mitts on.

01:26:24.000 Sure, they could wear anything. 1.00

01:26:26.000 They could wear fucking t-shirts and helmets and goddamn boxing gloves. 1.00

01:26:31.000 It'd be the best. 1.00

01:26:32.000 What do you think we would do if we walked in on chimps in the jungle and they were making shoes? 0.99

01:26:37.000 They were tying their shoes on.

01:26:39.000 Not even weapons, just shoes.

01:26:41.000 We'd weep. 1.00

01:26:41.000 Would we shoot them? 1.00

01:26:42.000 No, we'd weep with joy because it would be the cutest thing anyone ever saw. 0.97

01:26:46.000 And also, you'd be on the front page of Reddit and like, Yes, you would be totally on the front page of Reddit.

01:26:52.000 Reddit would explode!

01:26:53.000 And also, it'd be a kind of really spooky thing, which is this idea that maybe evolution itself... 0.97

01:27:05.000 Is accelerating in all beings, not just in fucking technology, but it's like hitting everything. 0.99

01:27:12.000 It's starting to speed up everywhere, where those gorillas pop in those fucking poacher traps. 1.00

01:27:17.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:27:18.000 Maybe shit's happening everywhere, speeding up and speeding up, and things are suddenly going to just start talking, wearing fucking shoes, talking in cute English accents. 0.99

01:27:29.000 And for people who don't know, the gorillas have figured out a way to disarm traps. 0.99

01:27:33.000 They know, they figured out the mechanism behind the traps, so they trigger the traps.

01:27:36.000 Two, working together.

01:27:37.000 Yeah.

01:27:38.000 Yeah, it's really fascinating.

01:27:39.000 Really fascinating.

01:27:40.000 They figured out a way to communicate their idea, and they took out some traps.

01:27:45.000 Yeah, I mean, what would we do?

01:27:46.000 What would we do if they started evolving?

01:27:48.000 What would they do if they started developing weapons? 0.97

01:27:50.000 You know, if you came into the jungle and you found chimps and they were holding on the spears with flint tips, what the fuck do you do? 0.99

01:27:56.000 You know, what do you do? 0.99

01:27:58.000 That gets crazy.

01:27:59.000 And what if they're just using it to hunt?

01:28:00.000 They're just using it to hunt.

01:28:01.000 Then one day one kills a dog.

01:28:04.000 You know, steals a dog in Africa or somewhere.

01:28:07.000 And the next thing you know, it's on.

01:28:08.000 The war.

01:28:09.000 Could you imagine if they actually did evolve? 0.98

01:28:11.000 What if chimpanzees, this is a fucking stupid idea, strap in, but if you listen to McKenna's idea, McKenna's idea of the stoned ape theory was that there was a period of human history that scientists are a little bit confused about, and that period is over two million years, the human brain doubled. 0.98

01:28:32.000 And they don't know why. 0.99

01:28:33.000 They really don't know. 0.81

01:28:34.000 There's all sorts of thoughts, you know, like the throwing arm, like that we figured out how to throw shit and kill things that accelerated our use of tools and the brain just kept up with what we needed.

01:28:44.000 And then the craziest one is McKenna's idea. 0.52

01:28:47.000 McKenna's idea was that it was because of mushrooms.

01:28:50.000 is that we had started coming down off the trees because the climate was changing and that the rainforests were receding in the grasslands and that these animals flipped over these cow patties looking for worms and shit that they would eat and then they found the mushrooms on the top and they started eating the mushrooms and then they started experiencing enlightenment, they started having creative ideas, they started developing language.

01:29:11.000 Why hasn't someone just taken some chimps and given them some mushrooms?

01:29:16.000 Why don't they try that? 0.99

01:29:18.000 I mean, if you're willing to try lipstick on them, and let's see if this perfume is fucking toxic when turkey shoot it up your ass, they'll do all that to chimps. 1.00

01:29:26.000 They do testing on chimps from medicine, and they die. 1.00

01:29:31.000 They do horrible shit to them. 1.00

01:29:32.000 They cut their heads off and see if they can keep them alive, allegedly. 1.00

01:29:36.000 But why not give them mushrooms? 0.51

01:29:38.000 Could you imagine?

01:29:40.000 What if they could show?

01:29:41.000 We've been doing this for 45 years. 1.00

01:29:42.000 We go to some fucking bunker in Nevada. 1.00

01:29:44.000 Right. 1.00

01:29:44.000 Out in Groom Lake. 1.00

01:29:46.000 Like, these are the chimps that we have developed through our mushroom program.

01:29:49.000 And they look like cavemen.

01:29:51.000 Yeah.

01:29:51.000 Could you imagine?

01:29:52.000 We've had them for 36 years.

01:29:53.000 This is what they're starting to look like. 0.99

01:29:55.000 Man, if only we could have whatever that fucking beam that they had in Star Trek, the Genesis Ray or whatever, that makes shit evolve faster. 0.98

01:30:07.000 Because McKenna's idea of the proto-hominids chomping on those mushrooms was that it happened, of course, over a long, long time. 0.99

01:30:19.000 Two million years. 0.99

01:30:19.000 Two million years, because mushrooms at low doses, this is the other thing he mentioned in his theory, is mushrooms at low doses, man, they're great for fucking, dude. 0.99

01:30:28.000 They're great for having sex. 0.99

01:30:30.000 They're like, they really like, if you take the right dose, it's an aphrodisiac, man.

01:30:36.000 So his idea was, yeah, so it's like, It also improves visual acuity. 1.00

01:30:43.000 In the peripheral, so you can see a goddamn line sneaking up on your ass. 0.97

01:30:47.000 Not just in the peripheral, but they said that they've done tests on where they have two parallel lines, and one parallel line will move very slightly offline. 0.99

01:30:58.000 You can recognize it quicker on psilocybin than when you're straight.

01:31:03.000 Weird.

01:31:04.000 Yeah.

01:31:05.000 I forget what the scientist was who did that.

01:31:08.000 I should know.

01:31:09.000 I should remember that.

01:31:10.000 But it was one of the things that Terrence had as a part of his theory.

01:31:15.000 But nobody ever took his theory seriously.

01:31:18.000 Everybody completely mocked it and made fun of it.

01:31:20.000 Because mushrooms are like an inherently silly thing. 1.00

01:31:23.000 If you say you've done them or you think they're important, you're immediately an idiot. 1.00

01:31:26.000 Silly sub and what? 1.00

01:31:28.000 You go to a Grateful Dead concert and dance on a tapestry, you goddamn hippie? 1.00

01:31:32.000 But what's amazing, it's like it can be responsible for one of the most powerful reconsiderations of your life ever, like a real true religious experience. 0.99

01:31:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:42.000 And we're all holding back on all this shit. 1.00

01:31:44.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:31:44.000 Because we're trapped in this wonky culture, we're all sort of at least partially got the brakes on when it comes to that stuff. 1.00

01:31:51.000 No, they got the brakes on us.

01:31:53.000 We don't have the brakes.

01:31:54.000 The brakes aren't on.

01:31:55.000 We got condition. 1.00

01:31:56.000 The Reagans put a lot of fucking money into that shit, man. 1.00

01:31:59.000 This wasn't like the administration, of course, not the family. 1.00

01:32:02.000 But this was like the, you know, this is the pharmacological inquisition, as they say.

01:32:07.000 And it all stems back to the distribution of LSD through the United States, starting with the CIA's experiments to see if they had a truth serum. 0.92

01:32:22.000 What psychedelics do to a society is they fucking melt down the boundaries.

01:32:27.000 And when boundaries melt down, it causes a shift. 0.98

01:32:29.000 And that shift does not work very well for the way we've run our society for a very long time.

01:32:34.000 And so they recognize that and they stop that shift.

01:32:41.000 But it's important to realize that these breaks are being put on by people Outside of us.

01:32:47.000 I mean, if you look at shamanic cultures in the Amazon, you know, this is an endogenous part of their daily life.

01:32:58.000 It's embedded into their culture. 0.99

01:33:00.000 It's as normal as having fucking telephones, you know? 0.99

01:33:02.000 It's a way to communicate with nature. 0.99

01:33:05.000 So this is like, you know, a very essential aspect of being a human being is taking a psychedelic.

01:33:14.000 And it has been for a very long time.

01:33:17.000 And, you know, whether or not McKenna's right about the neocortex expanding and when protohominids chomp mushrooms, one thing is for certain.

01:33:26.000 Once we found out about it, we indulged.

01:33:29.000 What do you mean?

01:33:30.000 I mean, that's for certain.

01:33:31.000 Yeah.

01:33:31.000 Once we found out about it, people have been using them forever.

01:33:34.000 Bingo.

01:33:34.000 Yes, yes, yes, exactly.

01:33:36.000 And we know from our own personal experience with them that the effect is not some kind of like ridiculous... 0.97

01:33:45.000 Frat party giggle fest.

01:33:47.000 It's like if you take the right dose and you do it with the right people and you do it with the right intention, then there will be a massive shift in your consciousness akin to a form of ego death, which allows you to heal and allows you to reacquaint yourself with kind of a living, connective energy that isn't all things.

01:34:05.000 And that's a very important experience to have.

01:34:09.000 But it's amazing how well the propaganda works considering how substantial the effect of the product is.

01:34:14.000 That it's suppressed this incredible, you know, I mean you would say that in an open market eventually the cream rides to the top.

01:34:21.000 But it doesn't get a chance.

01:34:22.000 Because it's cut off and because it's illegal and demonized, this incredible, I don't know whatever you would call it, experience.

01:34:29.000 Let's call it that.

01:34:30.000 This incredible experience is kept away from you.

01:34:33.000 It's kept away from you.

01:34:34.000 What is essentially a natural experience by eating some things that people have eaten since the beginning of time.

01:34:39.000 And it's kept from you.

01:34:41.000 And it's a shame.

01:34:42.000 It's a shame that you can live your whole life without understanding that there might be some other aspects to this life that we also need to take into our body in order for us to get a better grasp on things.

01:34:53.000 And they might have aided getting us to here.

01:34:55.000 And we might be in a very sick, sick time where we're not using these things.

01:34:59.000 And that's what's responsible for this whole chaotic community that we have.

01:35:05.000 This whole chaotic thing where we're polluting the skies and polluting the ocean.

01:35:08.000 And we will do anything for profit, including invade other countries.

01:35:13.000 We're doing all sorts of really insane, twisted things that are the types of things that would be happening if we were sick.

01:35:21.000 If there was something wrong with us.

01:35:23.000 If we weren't getting our medicine.

01:35:24.000 If we weren't getting what got us to the dance.

01:35:30.000 Right.

01:35:30.000 Yeah, man.

01:35:31.000 If that's true, if that's true, if the human consciousness really did develop through psychedelics, it only makes sense that we fucking need that shit just like we need meat. 0.99

01:35:40.000 Yeah, it's almost like a vitamin, or it's like a psychic vitamin. 0.94

01:35:45.000 And in the same way that way back when, right after the agrarian revolution, when people were getting less nutritional value because of droughts, and they became emaciated and small, and you can look at skeletons of people back then, and they were much smaller, because they weren't getting the nutrition.

01:35:59.000 In the same way, we are emaciated, but in a psychic way.

01:36:03.000 So you end up with these people with these just... 1.00

01:36:06.000 Broken fucking psychic egos. 1.00

01:36:09.000 Pro wrestling fans. 1.00

01:36:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:12.000 Fucking pro wrestling fans. 1.00

01:36:13.000 No, bro. 1.00

01:36:14.000 I fucking love pro wrestling and I love your show too. 0.87

01:36:16.000 I love you too. 0.96

01:36:17.000 I'm just kidding.

01:36:17.000 It's just a joke.

01:36:18.000 I got nothing against pro wrestling fans. 0.99

01:36:20.000 Man, I'll take 700 fucking stadiums of pro wrestling fans over one Phelps family. 0.99

01:36:26.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:36:27.000 Let's talk about those fucks, man. 1.00

01:36:29.000 Yeah, those crazy God hates fags guy. 1.00

01:36:31.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:36:31.000 They're insane. 1.00

01:36:32.000 When you say Phelps though, you have to be careful because it's right after the Olympics. 1.00

01:36:35.000 People would say, what the fuck did Michael Phelps do? 1.00

01:36:37.000 That fucking pig Phelps! 1.00

01:36:40.000 Jesus Christ, that guy. 1.00

01:36:41.000 How dare he swim so fast?

01:36:43.000 He's not even like a human, man.

01:36:45.000 He breaks the laws.

01:36:46.000 Did you see the Onion headline that Michael Phelps returned to his aquarium in New York?

01:36:51.000 Like he lives in an aquarium in SeaWorld, I mean. 0.98

01:36:54.000 When he goes to the beach, he's like, there's no fucking way I'm getting in that water. 0.98

01:36:57.000 He's like, I've been in water so much, I am not fucking swimming. 0.91

01:37:01.000 He doesn't ever swim in the ocean. 0.84

01:37:02.000 He's like, I'm just sitting in the sand chilling.

01:37:04.000 I don't blame. 1.00

01:37:05.000 I mean, fuck, dude. 1.00

01:37:07.000 That guy's like, how many gold medals did that guy win? 1.00

01:37:09.000 More than anybody ever. 0.98

01:37:11.000 It's like in 20 or some shit. 0.99

01:37:12.000 Something nuts. 0.99

01:37:13.000 He moves so well.

01:37:14.000 It's incredible.

01:37:15.000 I mean, it's just like from an aesthetic point of view or even an artistic point of view.

01:37:21.000 You're looking at it and it looks like art. 0.98

01:37:25.000 It looks like a dance and there's so much flow to it as he's like fucking hurling through the water. 0.98

01:37:32.000 They move so fast that it's hard to believe. 0.90

01:37:35.000 But it is almost, I mean, if dance is impressive, isn't that impressive just as well?

01:37:41.000 I think it's an impressive physical feat.

01:37:43.000 Into a rhythm, the way they can swim to a rhythm, and then they go under, and then they under water for this long period before they bust open and start whipping it again. 0.99

01:37:53.000 What a crazy fucking sport, man. 1.00

01:37:56.000 Wild to watch. 1.00

01:37:57.000 Wild to watch people do some shit that you just cannot fucking do. 1.00

01:38:00.000 To know that that's like the capabilities of the human frame. 1.00

01:38:03.000 If it's that long and that strong and that young and that dedicated and it puts in this many hours every week, look what the fuck this thing can do. 0.99

01:38:10.000 Yeah, it's pretty amazing. 0.94

01:38:12.000 It's pretty amazing all the stuff that can happen and physically, mentally, what you can learn, the things that you can figure out.

01:38:19.000 It's amazing the amount that you can...

01:38:23.000 Send your consciousness out into the universe and understand things. 0.99

01:38:27.000 It's a fucking incredible... 0.98

01:38:28.000 This spacesuit that we're in, it's got all these parts to it that we've forgotten how to use. 0.99

01:38:37.000 Almost like some survivor of a spaceship crash has amnesia and is in this super advanced spacesuit and only uses parts of it, little parts of it to amble around. 0.98

01:38:50.000 And it's like, no, man, there's crazy fucking... 0.99

01:38:55.000 this fucking thing but you know you need help there's certain fuels that you need to like make that connection and those fuels are fucking if you're an athlete you got to eat the right food you know you can't just chomp on goddamn fruit loops and cheetos and end up like being a professional uh olympic swimmer they've got they're feeding those people like crazy we don't even know probably glows smells like cum 1.00

01:39:19.000 this special nutritional like blast that they just spray into their mouths like foie gras geese there's fucking like God only knows what these fuckers have in their bodies. 0.99

01:39:30.000 And in the same way, for your intelligence, for your spiritual growth, you need to take into your fucking being certain things. 0.99

01:39:40.000 Great scriptures, incredible writing, and on occasion a nice fucking mushroom trip. 0.98

01:39:48.000 You know, but you gotta be careful. 0.97

01:39:50.000 I feel guilty saying this stuff because some people, you're not supposed to take it.

01:39:55.000 You shouldn't take it.

01:39:56.000 You're in a bad part in your life right now. 1.00

01:39:57.000 Your fucking balls smell like the bottom of a goddamn... 1.00

01:40:03.000 Fucking the bottom of a donkey's ass. 1.00

01:40:07.000 You know, you gotta clean your balls and clean yourself and your life up before you take the experience, you know? 1.00

01:40:12.000 Some people shouldn't do it, but some people definitely should. 0.98

01:40:15.000 You definitely should.

01:40:16.000 It's very important. 0.99

01:40:18.000 Goddamn, just went on a hippie rant. 0.99

01:40:21.000 Forgive me, my friends. 0.99

01:40:22.000 Steve Jobs, though, I mean, come on. 0.94

01:40:24.000 He said that fucking LSD was like one of the biggest, one big part of his understanding of the universe. 0.98

01:40:31.000 Yeah, I think if we had a world filled with people who've all had breakthrough psychedelic experiences and they were running this country, it would be a lot easier. 1.00

01:40:39.000 As long as they got enough pussy to keep them satisfied. 1.00

01:40:43.000 If we just had robot concubines or whatever people would think would be morally acceptable, keep them sexually satisfied so they don't go tweaking and they don't do stupid shit and undermine our world just based on their need for pussy. 1.00

01:40:56.000 Dude, by the way, you don't need robot concubines. 1.00

01:40:58.000 You send out into the world, hey, it could be a form of the military. 1.00

01:41:03.000 Suck his cock and save the troops. 1.00

01:41:06.000 Satisfy the geniuses sexually like some branch. 1.00

01:41:09.000 What if that was our fucking military? 1.00

01:41:11.000 Like, troops trained just to suck off geniuses to make them fucking happy. 1.00

01:41:16.000 What if that was how we went to wars? 1.00

01:41:19.000 We just sent troops of fucking... 1.00

01:41:21.000 Blowjob masters into the homes of geniuses, into complexes, just sucking them off so they're happy. 1.00

01:41:26.000 Yeah, that's what they would take. 0.93

01:41:28.000 They should take all super geniuses.

01:41:30.000 Just bring it to some place. 1.00

01:41:31.000 Fuck getting pussy. 1.00

01:41:32.000 Fuck having this ruin your life. 1.00

01:41:33.000 We're just going to bring you constant bitches. 1.00

01:41:35.000 We're going to pay you well. 0.99

01:41:36.000 We just want you to be really creative.

01:41:38.000 Time machines, whatever.

01:41:39.000 And if you get crazy and you want a family and you want to start to have children, we can arrange that as well.

01:41:43.000 Yeah.

01:41:43.000 Matter assimilators.

01:41:45.000 They do, but then they want all the money.

01:41:46.000 They want to take it.

01:41:47.000 They want to take all the money like a bad record deal.

01:41:50.000 Yeah.

01:41:50.000 Anybody who's, you know, you're creating things for companies.

01:41:53.000 Well, but here's the thing, man. 0.99

01:41:54.000 One thing you never hear when a kid's like, I want to be an inventor, is another kid being like, you're going to get a lot of pussy. 1.00

01:42:01.000 You never fucking hear that. 1.00

01:42:03.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:42:04.000 If that happened, we'd probably be floating right now. 0.98

01:42:08.000 We'd be floating on a magnetic field, sending our fucking thought patterns out into the world instead of talking to microphones. 0.97

01:42:16.000 There was this guy that I remember who was like this famous hacker who had like a cartoon that he did online. 0.98

01:42:23.000 I don't remember what his name was, but he was a big portly guy and he's like from Germany or some shit like that.

01:42:29.000 And Kimber, that's what his name was. 0.76

01:42:32.000 I think it was Kimber.

01:42:34.000 And he had cartoons of himself. 1.00

01:42:38.000 We would go out and kill evil dictators. 0.99

01:42:42.000 And he would take pictures of himself. 1.00

01:42:44.000 The dude made fuckloads of money. 0.92

01:42:46.000 He was like a hacker. 0.60

01:42:47.000 And then he went from being a hacker to being an internet security expert that would help corporations.

01:42:51.000 And he's always driving around this crazy yacht.

01:42:55.000 Always got this crazy hooked up Mercedes. 0.99

01:42:57.000 Here we are in my private jet.

01:42:59.000 Here we are in Japan.

01:43:00.000 We just landed in Brazil.

01:43:02.000 The dude was like an international style baller.

01:43:05.000 And he just would put these pictures and videos of him just balling all over the world. 0.89

01:43:13.000 Yeah, I'm sure that fucking, like, all of those guys are definitely getting, like, some crazy experiences, you know? 0.89

01:43:21.000 They just probably have, like, refined desires, you know? 0.98

01:43:23.000 They have different ideas of what they want.

01:43:25.000 You know, I'm sure that... 0.99

01:43:26.000 Who knows what they fucking do? 0.99

01:43:28.000 Wozniak? 0.99

01:43:29.000 Yeah.

01:43:29.000 Is Wozniak married?

01:43:30.000 I don't know.

01:43:31.000 I think he is.

01:43:32.000 He's a super genius.

01:43:33.000 We don't know what he does.

01:43:34.000 No one knows what he does.

01:43:36.000 Really?

01:43:36.000 I'm pretty sure that guy could walk through walls, man.

01:43:38.000 He's, like, really fascinating and smart and kind of like...

01:43:43.000 He was only involved with Apple for a while, right?

01:43:45.000 And then he left? 1.00

01:43:46.000 Yeah, but now he's like, he's this fucking crazy son of a bitch, man. 1.00

01:43:50.000 Really? 1.00

01:43:50.000 He's like a loon. 1.00

01:43:51.000 Yeah, he's like a real like anti-authority kind of person who likes to break rules and he's got fucking like a wallet full of like professional fake IDs with like Really? 0.99

01:44:03.000 Holographically printed. 0.97

01:44:04.000 It's like it's on YouTube. 0.99

01:44:05.000 There's a video of him showing his fucking awesome fake IDs. 1.00

01:44:08.000 Really? 1.00

01:44:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:10.000 He loves to use technology to break little rules and laws and stuff.

01:44:15.000 It's kind of cool.

01:44:16.000 It's really cool, in fact.

01:44:18.000 You know, but you don't want a lot of those guys, right? 0.96

01:44:21.000 You don't want to fucking, you need to see one or two of those guys, have some fun, but you don't want 50,000 of those guys. 0.93

01:44:26.000 What happens if we got 50,000 Steve Jobs, you know? 0.99

01:44:29.000 Yeah.

01:44:30.000 Because it's like right now the thing that is driving so many of us, not me, I'm driven by my love of humanity and I want the world to be a better place. 0.99

01:44:39.000 But I've heard that many men are driven by the desire to fuck. 0.99

01:44:43.000 And a lot of... 0.99

01:44:44.000 I know this is probably shocking to you.

01:44:46.000 Where are you getting this?

01:44:47.000 I read it.

01:44:48.000 I read it on the back of a cereal box.

01:44:50.000 But I'm not...

01:44:51.000 Could you imagine?

01:44:54.000 Caution, girls. 1.00

01:44:56.000 Men are driven by a secret desire to fuck. 1.00

01:45:01.000 Why do they wear those crazy ties? 1.00

01:45:03.000 To let you know.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, man, but...

01:45:05.000 There'll be no shenanigans here.

01:45:06.000 Why, I am a gentleman with a tie on. 0.99

01:45:09.000 But a lot of fucking professions, it's very strange. 1.00

01:45:12.000 Some professions are fuck professions. 1.00

01:45:14.000 Some professions are not. 1.00

01:45:16.000 Right. 1.00

01:45:16.000 Like, fucking firemen, a fire... 1.00

01:45:18.000 Rockstar is a fuck profession. 1.00

01:45:20.000 That's 100%. 1.00

01:45:21.000 Rockstar is a fuck profession. 1.00

01:45:22.000 Mick Jagger, David Lee Roth, what do you think of them? 1.00

01:45:24.000 You think of them just getting mad pussy all over the planet? 1.00

01:45:27.000 Yeah, I mean, they've gotten so much pussy that they've like withered into jerky strips when you see them now. 1.00

01:45:34.000 Well, they're also, you know, long in the tooth, man. 1.00

01:45:38.000 It's just life.

01:45:38.000 Along in the tooth.

01:45:39.000 But no, no, no.

01:45:40.000 That's not a normal senior citizen. 0.67

01:45:42.000 These people are like somebody made a stick figure out of beef jerky. 1.00

01:45:46.000 They're fucking... 1.00

01:45:46.000 They're goddamn crazy looking from all the fucking and they're still fucking. 1.00

01:45:52.000 They're like... 1.00

01:45:53.000 They're still fucking to this day. 1.00

01:45:55.000 Viagra's like runs in their veins. 1.00

01:45:58.000 The spice. 1.00

01:45:58.000 They're fucking all the time, dude. 1.00

01:46:01.000 Still. 1.00

01:46:01.000 That's a different old man. 1.00

01:46:03.000 What do you think like Mick Jagger on a regular week? 1.00

01:46:05.000 How much young pussy does he get? 1.00

01:46:07.000 I think he's got a fucking rotation of probably 25 young girls. 1.00

01:46:11.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:46:13.000 25 coming in and out.

01:46:16.000 And women would be like, why would you want that? 1.00

01:46:18.000 Let's pretend that we have a girl on the podcast with us that is probably maybe secretly attracted to you but really upset that you're talking about this so openly.

01:46:26.000 Why would you want that?

01:46:27.000 Why would you want 20 different girls? 1.00

01:46:29.000 Why would you want that?

01:46:30.000 You're attracted to me?

01:46:31.000 Why would you want that? 1.00

01:46:32.000 Well, look, I guess I don't because I want to fuck you. 1.00

01:46:40.000 I don't want that stuff. 1.00

01:46:41.000 It's ridiculous. 0.86

01:46:42.000 I don't know, man. 0.96

01:46:43.000 I don't know why we want that, why girls might not understand that that's something guys want. 0.70

01:46:48.000 But here's the thing, though, man.

01:46:51.000 This is why I love this book, Sex at Dawn.

01:46:54.000 Who were we just saying would have 20 girls? 0.55

01:46:57.000 I believe it was Mick Jagger.

01:46:58.000 Right, Mick Jagger.

01:46:59.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

01:47:02.000 So the idea is like, this is one of the premises of this book is it's not a fucking genetic quality of being a woman that you don't want to fuck all the time. 0.99

01:47:10.000 That it's more of a culturally conditioned thing that's happened from your upbringing because we're in a very sexually repressed society and ladies like to fuck. 1.00

01:47:20.000 What does that have to do with the sexually suppressed part? 1.00

01:47:23.000 They want to fuck more because we're sexually suppressed? 1.00

01:47:25.000 They want to fuck more than they let on. 1.00

01:47:28.000 More than they let on. 1.00

01:47:29.000 Yeah, because when you're a guy, what's the number one first thing you gotta fucking do once you grow pubic hair? 0.97

01:47:35.000 What's the number one first thing? 0.99

01:47:37.000 You gotta get fucking laid, man. 1.00

01:47:38.000 You don't want to be a virgin. 1.00

01:47:40.000 Oh, I'm 23 and I'm a virgin still.

01:47:43.000 It's like a mark of shame.

01:47:45.000 Meanwhile, a hot girl is like, yeah, you know, I'm still a virgin.

01:47:48.000 I'm saving myself from men.

01:47:52.000 What?

01:47:53.000 Plus, you know that if she's 23 and she's a virgin, she's probably really good at head. 1.00

01:47:58.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:47:59.000 No shit, man. 1.00

01:48:00.000 She's figured out a way to get guys off of her mouth. 1.00

01:48:02.000 Yes, that's for sure. 1.00

01:48:03.000 Or maybe her asshole. 1.00

01:48:05.000 Oh! 1.00

01:48:06.000 Oh! 0.60

01:48:07.000 This guy over here!

01:48:08.000 Duncan!

01:48:09.000 Where's the puppet, Duncan?

01:48:11.000 Nice! 0.94

01:48:11.000 I love you! 0.94

01:48:12.000 He won't bring the puppet! 1.00

01:48:13.000 I might wanna see the fucking seance! 1.00

01:48:16.000 Dude, let me tell you, high point of my fucking comedy career is getting a goddamn message from people saying, Andrew Dice Clay says that he likes part of my fucking act. 0.99

01:48:25.000 Dude, that's intense for me. 0.99

01:48:26.000 It's hot as fuck in here, isn't it? 0.99

01:48:28.000 It's fucking hot. 0.99

01:48:28.000 Hey, I'm going to turn the air conditioning on, so why don't you just talk to the people about your life for a couple seconds. 0.99

01:48:32.000 Sit here by myself and ramble.

01:48:33.000 One second, one second.

01:48:34.000 Go ahead.

01:48:35.000 Don't be scared.

01:48:37.000 Well, friends, I'm going to do a mini rant here.

01:48:42.000 You're going to just leave me here? 0.99

01:48:44.000 Is this some kind of fucking prank? 1.00

01:48:46.000 Three seconds. 0.99

01:48:48.000 There's no need for you to feel alone in the world, my friends. 0.96

01:48:52.000 Open your heart up to the eternal spirit of life and you will find that you will draw into your orbit many beautiful things, including delightful wet pussies that comes Happy moments, happier moments. 0.94

01:49:10.000 You just have to stop hating. 0.94

01:49:12.000 Let go of the pain.

01:49:13.000 Let go of your anger.

01:49:15.000 Open your third eye and allow yourself to embrace the idea that God is love.

01:49:23.000 Visit www.duncantrussell.com www.duncantrussell.com and join my Minecraft server.

01:49:31.000 We have a Minecraft server.

01:49:35.000 I play Minecraft.

01:49:36.000 It's one of the loneliest, creepiest... 1.00

01:49:39.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

01:49:40.000 Are you transmitting? 0.99

01:49:41.000 No, I'm telling the internet to go to my Minecraft server.

01:49:46.000 That's what I'm spending my time doing.

01:49:47.000 Have you ever played Minecraft?

01:49:50.000 I just rambled for a long time.

01:49:52.000 Sorry about that, you guys.

01:49:53.000 I was disjointed rambling.

01:49:55.000 How dare you, Duncan?

01:49:56.000 How dare you do what we've been doing for two hours, right?

01:49:58.000 How dare you continue on your own?

01:50:01.000 When you're alone in the room, everything changes.

01:50:05.000 One thing that you and I have both been battering around is this idea of the simulation theory idea.

01:50:16.000 We keep bringing it up, man.

01:50:17.000 It's a point where it's like, I wonder if...

01:50:21.000 You know, if you really want to get hardcore crazy with the idea of manifesting reality with your ideas, you know?

01:50:27.000 I wonder if you can manifest that the whole thing really is some sort of a simulation.

01:50:33.000 I wonder if you can manifest that.

01:50:34.000 I wonder if it literally can morph that far around. 1.00

01:50:38.000 Dude, that sounds so hippy and stupid. 1.00

01:50:40.000 It sounds so stoner stupid. 1.00

01:50:41.000 It sounds so, dude, I just smoked a joint, man. 1.00

01:50:44.000 This is the first time I thought about that, man.

01:50:49.000 It doesn't stop it from being possible. 0.94

01:50:53.000 Well, man, I mean, when you, like, there's a lot of fucking crazy shit when you start playing around with simulation theory, and I'm so glad you brought it up, because we get this archetype in many of the world religions that involves the man-god, the god being eaten by man,

01:51:08.000 the god that gets sacrificed for the sake of humans, the god that merges in with human beings, the fucking shit movie Prometheus tried to address this in a really crap way, but, like, The notion of the creators or whatever, but what's really fascinating about the idea of being in a simulation, 0.90

01:51:26.000 like if we are in a simulation now, is that we are immortal in the sense that we are computer code that's being run through some form of operating system, and because we're just computer code, we can be, there's actually this guy from the Singularity Institute, I can't remember his name, no. 0.97

01:51:44.000 I think he's from Oxford.

01:51:45.000 It's on YouTube. 0.99

01:51:46.000 And he's talking about this idea of vivisecting the human brain, scanning the neural system, plopping that shit into a computer.

01:51:53.000 After you scan the synapses and the exact structure as close as you can, as accurately as you can, you run this through a simulator, and now you have a being with consciousness living inside a computer.

01:52:06.000 Not only do you have a being with consciousness living inside of a computer, what he said was so awesome is it could then theoretically be rewound.

01:52:14.000 Time could be sped up.

01:52:16.000 It could be pulsed.

01:52:18.000 You know what I mean?

01:52:19.000 So you could control the reality of this being in some really bizarre ways. 0.99

01:52:24.000 So where it gets really fascinating is the person who this neurological scan was based, the living being, the meat body, whose brain was put on some kind of futuristic combination deli slicer slash neurology scanner, that fucking being... 1.00

01:52:43.000 Died. 1.00

01:52:44.000 Had to die. 0.76

01:52:45.000 So that the being inside the simulator could live.

01:52:48.000 And so then you get into this...

01:52:49.000 Well, is it the only way to make this thing?

01:52:51.000 Is it slice it up?

01:52:53.000 In your crazy world?

01:52:54.000 I'll tell you this. 1.00

01:52:55.000 The only way to make a computer right now is by fucking putting the pieces of the computer together. 0.98

01:52:59.000 It's not through slicing it up. 0.98

01:53:00.000 The point is, if this is a simulation...

01:53:04.000 is that it was created by a living being right you know and that living being theoretically is mortal you know and so that mortal being has died that mortal being may have died aeons ago depending on who knows because time is a is based on the uh simulation you know what What a nutty idea that literally the universe began right as you were born.

01:53:30.000 There was nothing before that.

01:53:32.000 Nothing existed before that.

01:53:36.000 It was born.

01:53:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:37.000 Right when you were born, and everything that you think of is complete, utter horseshit. 0.99

01:53:43.000 Everything you think of is just a simulation.

01:53:44.000 The universe being born when you were born, it's just because that's when they plugged you in.

01:53:49.000 That's the moment they plugged you into the simulation. 0.99

01:53:52.000 Well, see, man, what fucking... 0.99

01:53:55.000 Yeah, it's a mind melter. 0.99

01:53:57.000 And here's where it gets even more mind fucking melty because everybody's talking about this idea of the singularity of the moment that our computers wake up. 0.78

01:54:05.000 Our machines wake up and become aware that they exist as a thing. 0.86

01:54:09.000 But where it gets really trippy is the idea that we're inside the simulation and we're the machine waking up.

01:54:15.000 We literally are the thing waking up to an awareness of itself and gaining consciousness of itself in a true way.

01:54:22.000 That's what humans are.

01:54:26.000 I almost want to rewrite the Garden of Eden story, replacing the word God with programmer, because it gets so fucking cool when the programmer made man in his own image.

01:54:40.000 What's really getting really crazy is when you get to these scientists who are saying that they found computer code concealed in superstring equations. 0.58

01:54:50.000 Not just fucking ones and zeros, but what this guy calls dual error correction code, which is some form of weird fucking shit that's already in our web browsers and based on the technology or the invention of a programmer in the 1940s. 0.98

01:55:03.000 I mean, this is some lost shit here. 0.99

01:55:06.000 This is some lost shit, but it's been dismissed, man. 0.99

01:55:09.000 I mean, I've been raving about it on my podcast, and some people, like, said that it's a real fringy theory, and, you know, who knows? 0.99

01:55:16.000 But, aside from...

01:55:19.000 I thought it was proven to be true.

01:55:22.000 It's coming from a respected theoretical physicist at the University of Maryland.

01:55:27.000 I can't remember his name.

01:55:29.000 But he's definitely not like a kook. 0.99

01:55:31.000 It's coming from a respected scientist who has found this shit in these equations they're using to represent supersymmetry and string theory. 0.94

01:55:41.000 These weird symbols he's used to try to represent it. 0.97

01:55:44.000 But yeah, man, it's still like...

01:55:47.000 It's a pretty eerie thing.

01:55:49.000 Yeah, he tried to explain it to Neil deGrasse Tyson in a video.

01:55:57.000 The whole premise of it is very hard to wrap your head around, but this guy, his name is Dr. S. James Gates Jr., and he's a theoretical physicist.

01:56:08.000 With a crazy haircut.

01:56:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:56:10.000 The John S. Toll Professor of Physics at the University of Maryland and the director of the Center for String and Particle Theory is reporting that certain string theory supersymmetrical equations which describe the fundamental nature of the universe and reality contain embedded computer codes.

01:56:30.000 These codes are digital data in the form of ones and zeros.

01:56:34.000 Not only that, These codes are the same as what makes web browsers work and our error correction codes.

01:56:41.000 Gates says, we have no idea what these things are doing here.

01:56:47.000 Whoa.

01:56:48.000 So that's where it gets crazy. 1.00

01:56:50.000 Our first contact with a fucking alien is going to be with the programmer. 0.98

01:56:55.000 But where it gets really weird, Joe, here's where it gets really fucking weird, is the idea that... 0.99

01:57:04.000 That we're running in a simulation inside a simulation. 0.76

01:57:07.000 In the same way that we're trying to simulate reality through video games, SimCity, various fucking weather pattern, supercomputers, and all the various ways we try to articulate reality through machines, this has already been done in a previous machine that's articulating itself, like some kind of mirror refracting off itself, infinitely going into itself, always inventing itself again and again and again and again.

01:57:31.000 If that is the case, what a trip it is to the idea of inventing video games while inside a simulation.

01:57:37.000 Yeah.

01:57:37.000 But see, this is where it gets cool, because maybe the simulation itself is a novelty generator.

01:57:43.000 Maybe the simulation, what it's here for, is to generate, you know, a novelty, which is like, look, man, let's see what happens if we put an entire planet full of people Who quantum, you know, nanobots have done neurological scans of their brain to do, like, kind of, like, neurological thumbprints, which we then animate within the machine.

01:58:02.000 Let's see what they do. 0.98

01:58:03.000 I mean, what we did was we invented some crazy shit. 1.00

01:58:05.000 Let's see if they invent some new shit inside the simulator. 0.99

01:58:08.000 And all of a sudden, the simulator's inventing new technologies that are going up through the goddamn, the different levels of the machine until finally it pops out and the programmer's desk is like, oh, fucking awesome. 0.99

01:58:20.000 Look at this. 0.96

01:58:21.000 One of these beings invented time travel.

01:58:23.000 Let's make a time machine.

01:58:24.000 The machine invented time travel.

01:58:25.000 Who knows?

01:58:27.000 But it's like a really great computer.

01:58:28.000 Like right now, we put into like, what's it called, Wolfram Alpha? 0.99

01:58:33.000 You can throw in some pretty awesome equations and it'll spit out, like you can do a lot of crazy shit.

01:58:38.000 But how great would it be if you had just a machine where you just seed it with living beings and it starts regurgitating inventions that these beings are creating? 0.98

01:58:47.000 How fucking awesome would that be? 0.55

01:58:49.000 You know? 0.96

01:58:50.000 You know what I found the other day, man?

01:58:52.000 It's laying around here somewhere. 0.94

01:58:54.000 It's a camera, an Apple camera from a long fucking time ago, man. 1.00

01:58:59.000 And it looks like such a piece of shit now. 0.99

01:59:01.000 It's so funny. 1.00

01:59:02.000 This is like one of the first digital cameras.

01:59:05.000 It's like a dinosaur.

01:59:06.000 And it's only from a tiny amount of years ago.

01:59:10.000 What is 15 years in the greater spectrum of the universe or just even of human history? 0.99

01:59:16.000 It ain't shit. 0.99

01:59:16.000 15 years ain't shit. 0.99

01:59:17.000 But this 15-year-old camera was fucking useless. 1.00

01:59:20.000 Just useless, stupid-looking camera. 1.00

01:59:23.000 That's another component of technological advancement is each earlier phase always seems stupid. 1.00

01:59:31.000 Stupid. 1.00

01:59:32.000 But when it comes out, it seems awesome. 1.00

01:59:34.000 Awesome.

01:59:36.000 Well, try driving like an old car.

01:59:39.000 You know, old cars, they look great, but if you try driving like a 1969 Chevelle, they're really hard to handle.

01:59:47.000 There's a lot of slack in the steering.

01:59:48.000 They have this crazy power steering where it's really numb.

01:59:51.000 It feels real strange.

01:59:53.000 They slide all over the place.

01:59:55.000 You hit the brakes, they lock up and go sideways.

01:59:57.000 I mean, they're really dangerous death traps.

01:59:59.000 And then go from that to what you drive, that Mini.

02:00:02.000 That thing is like a little go-kart. 0.99

02:00:04.000 Little fucking spaceship. 1.00

02:00:06.000 How dare you? 1.00

02:00:07.000 It ain't no go-kart.

02:00:07.000 But I mean, the way it's low to the ground like that, that thing is light.

02:00:13.000 And when you get a light car that has a really good drivetrain and a good transmission and tight steering, that wasn't even possible.

02:00:23.000 What your Mini, what people would consider a sporty economy car, that was a race car just a few decades ago.

02:00:32.000 Dude, what about this? 0.98

02:00:33.000 If I take my fucking phone, I guess you know that you've been dealing with this for years, but like I've been driving an 89 Volvo that could barely get me to the fucking grocery store for a very long time. 0.99

02:00:43.000 So for me, being on the phone, and then I get into the Mini Cooper... 0.99

02:00:47.000 And it goes into the system.

02:00:48.000 Pops into the speakers?

02:00:49.000 It's amazing.

02:00:50.000 That's crazy.

02:00:50.000 It just does it.

02:00:51.000 It knows.

02:00:52.000 It just does it.

02:00:52.000 The phone just shifts into the speakers of the car.

02:00:54.000 That's insane, man.

02:00:56.000 It's incredible if you really stop and think about it.

02:00:57.000 If you think about the fact that we're driving around like that, you know...

02:01:01.000 Just talking in the air and it's transmitted to someone else who's driving around doing the same thing.

02:01:07.000 How about the quantum teleportation shit they're doing where they're blasting photons across lakes? 0.99

02:01:13.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

02:01:14.000 And they're saying, like, in the articles that I've read, and I didn't research them deeply, but the articles I read, they're saying, well, this isn't teleportation, but it's a nice step in that direction. 0.99

02:01:23.000 Yeah.

02:01:23.000 Like, what?

02:01:24.000 Did you just say you actually made a step in the direction of teleportation?

02:01:28.000 Like, think of the effect that has on society. 0.98

02:01:31.000 Teleport-fucking-tation, man, where, like, instead of having to go through a security line at a goddamn airport, you just zap from your home teleporter to fucking Asia in a millisecond? 0.98

02:01:41.000 Where do you want to eat tonight? 0.99

02:01:42.000 France or China? 0.83

02:01:44.000 I don't know.

02:01:45.000 You decide. 0.99

02:01:46.000 You always make me fucking decide. 0.99

02:01:47.000 What about that nice little kibosh place in Egypt? 1.00

02:01:51.000 Let's go there.

02:01:52.000 Now you're just deciding anywhere on the planet that you want to go. 0.99

02:01:54.000 I think it's more like people showing up and then kicking you in the balls and then disappearing. 0.98

02:01:59.000 What's a kibosh? 0.99

02:01:59.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:01:59.000 What is a kibosh? 0.99

02:02:00.000 I just made it up.

02:02:01.000 Did you?

02:02:01.000 It's a stone food.

02:02:03.000 It's something...

02:02:04.000 On stones?

02:02:05.000 It's a mythical stoner food that exists in my simulator.

02:02:09.000 A kibosh. 1.00

02:02:10.000 Never heard of it, dude.

02:02:12.000 I think I wanted to say something between a Kabbalah and a squash or something.

02:02:17.000 I don't know.

02:02:19.000 It's a combination of the tree of life mixed in with a buttered squash.

02:02:24.000 The Kabbalah was the thing that Roseanne was into for a while and Madonna, I believe, was into it for a while too, right?

02:02:31.000 Well, yeah, man.

02:02:32.000 And before then, it's been around, like, much longer than that.

02:02:35.000 It's like, you know, tarot cards are based on it. 1.00

02:02:38.000 It's a crazy son of a bitch, man. 1.00

02:02:40.000 It's just a... 1.00

02:02:41.000 It's trying to, like, map energy flows from nothingness into somethingness.

02:02:44.000 And it's a very strange, esoteric thing, which I don't understand.

02:02:49.000 I keep...

02:02:50.000 Wanting to study it more.

02:02:52.000 When I got strep throat and was fucking blasted on codeine for five days, I spent a good two days just fucking reading the Kabbalah, and I had fucking tarot cards, and I was putting them on the floor to try to understand the way they connect to the Kabbalah, and I don't remember anything that I got out of that, but it was like a little bit of it, because it's very complicated.

02:03:14.000 Some people have emailed me and said they understand it, and I I think I might get Roseanne on my podcast and then I could ask her directly. 0.85

02:03:21.000 Dude, that would be incredible. 0.99

02:03:24.000 Roseanne Barr is a real fucking... 1.00

02:03:26.000 She's a real legend, man. 1.00

02:03:27.000 She's a firebrand. 1.00

02:03:29.000 Yeah.

02:03:30.000 Yeah, I mean, isn't she trying to run for president? 1.00

02:03:34.000 Is that what she's doing? 1.00

02:03:34.000 Yeah, she's running for fucking president, man. 1.00

02:03:36.000 She's going for it. 1.00

02:03:37.000 It's a good way to get info out there, you know?

02:03:39.000 Wow. 0.99

02:03:40.000 It gets some exposure, and she does not give a fuck! 0.99

02:03:44.000 I know, but it's also a fun thing, I'm sure. 0.99

02:03:46.000 No, but she... 1.00

02:03:47.000 She can't really think she's going to be president. 0.99

02:03:48.000 She doesn't think she's going to be president, but she's got, like, shit that she's trying to get out into the world. 1.00

02:03:52.000 I mean, if you follow her fucking Twitter stream, man, she blasts some crazy shit out there. 1.00

02:03:56.000 If Ron Paul couldn't fucking make it through... 1.00

02:04:00.000 That was a disappointing one, man. 0.99

02:04:02.000 That was almost like, wow, let's see, maybe this is real.

02:04:05.000 Maybe this is real.

02:04:06.000 But there's like so much evidence of them trying to suppress his victories. 1.00

02:04:10.000 He won a couple of states, he kept that shit under wraps. 1.00

02:04:13.000 God, we always fall for the trick. 1.00

02:04:15.000 I fall for it every fucking year, man. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Every election I fall for it. 1.00

02:04:19.000 I certainly wanted to believe with Obama.

02:04:20.000 I felt like he was the closest guy to us.

02:04:22.000 He was in his 40s, young guy, black guy, single mom, the whole deal.

02:04:28.000 You'd figure this is a guy, he's going to set us right. 0.98

02:04:32.000 Dude, I was on fucking Sunset Boulevard in Silver Lake, drunk, howling at cars with a group of hipsters when Obama got elected. 0.99

02:04:42.000 I was so fucking happy. 0.99

02:04:44.000 Really? 0.99

02:04:44.000 I voted for him. 0.99

02:04:46.000 I fucking... 1.00

02:04:48.000 Man, I was like, this is it. 1.00

02:04:49.000 This is it.

02:04:50.000 And you know...

02:04:51.000 He has done some pretty... 0.99

02:04:52.000 Now look, before I get as fucking assailed by a million tweets about the fucking drone attacks... 0.99

02:04:59.000 Guys, I fucking understand. 0.99

02:05:00.000 I do know that there is some... 1.00

02:05:03.000 That fucking his DEA has busted more goddamn dispensaries than George W. Bush's fucking DEA. You know, like, there's some fucked up shit going on. 1.00

02:05:12.000 But, you know, there are some other things that he's, you know... 1.00

02:05:16.000 The big thing was the social thing to me.

02:05:18.000 It was like, wow, we have accepted a guy who's half black from a single mom, you know, who admits he smoked marijuana, you know?

02:05:25.000 Didn't he say he did a little coke? 0.55

02:05:27.000 But this is the problem! 1.00

02:05:28.000 He fucking jokes about smoking dope and his goddamn DEA is tossing farmers in prison. 1.00

02:05:34.000 Yeah, and not only that, you know, we're selling this hemp force protein powder. 1.00

02:05:38.000 We can't even grow this hemp in America.

02:05:41.000 We have to get it from Canada.

02:05:42.000 And thank you for informing me on all this, folks.

02:05:45.000 People tweeted me that it was legal in Vermont.

02:05:48.000 So we looked into it, and it is, but the federal government is not letting people do it.

02:05:53.000 They're still saying it's illegal federally.

02:05:55.000 And this is just growing the plant hemp, which isn't psychoactive at all.

02:05:59.000 Because it's related to marijuana, they've decided that there's no way people should be able to grow it.

02:06:05.000 Which is hilarious.

02:06:06.000 So you can have it, but you've got to buy it from Canada.

02:06:09.000 So we have this wacky deal. 1.00

02:06:11.000 We have to import that shit. 1.00

02:06:13.000 Even though it's not even psychoactive. 1.00

02:06:16.000 They're just telling you that a useful plant is illegal.

02:06:19.000 It's really weird.

02:06:21.000 I mean, it's one of the weirdest...

02:06:24.000 Aspects of the drug war and, you know, the war for marijuana legalization is the actual, like, hemp.

02:06:33.000 Hemp fiber.

02:06:34.000 The actual hemp as a resource.

02:06:37.000 Yes.

02:06:38.000 Oh, yeah, man.

02:06:39.000 As a commodity.

02:06:40.000 Hemp as a commodity is very, very valuable.

02:06:43.000 It's very valuable, yet illegal to grow and harvest in this country.

02:06:47.000 And it was grown by the colonies.

02:06:49.000 Yeah.

02:06:49.000 And people don't have any idea.

02:06:51.000 That's what rope used to be made of.

02:06:52.000 That's what canvas is made out of.

02:06:54.000 When you paint all those ancient paintings, like the Mona Lisa, those are made on cannabis.

02:06:59.000 It's cannabis.

02:07:00.000 It comes from the word cannabis.

02:07:03.000 Because it's a stronger fiber. 1.00

02:07:05.000 Cotton is weak as shit compared to hemp. 1.00

02:07:08.000 We get used to cotton. 1.00

02:07:09.000 We just assume that's just what it is.

02:07:11.000 It is what it is.

02:07:12.000 But cotton is nothing compared to hemp.

02:07:15.000 Hemp paper is better.

02:07:16.000 Hemp paper is really hard to rip. 0.99

02:07:18.000 It's fucking super strong. 0.99

02:07:19.000 It's weird. 1.00

02:07:20.000 It's kind of like an alien plant, man.

02:07:23.000 The stalk is really light, but it gets real dense and hard.

02:07:27.000 Dude, don't get me going on that plant, man.

02:07:30.000 It's insane. 0.99

02:07:31.000 When you get around a nice, flourishing marijuana plant, you know like when you get around a fucking monkey and it's like dog plus marijuana plants? 0.98

02:07:43.000 Maybe I'm just projecting, but they seem like plants plus. 1.00

02:07:46.000 They seem like there's a little bit more going on in the sons of bitches. 1.00

02:07:49.000 They've got a weird... 1.00

02:07:51.000 Fucking energy field around them. 0.99

02:07:53.000 It's just different. 1.00

02:07:54.000 I went to a dispensary's grow room once.

02:07:56.000 And you walk into their back room, they had a grow room.

02:07:59.000 And the grow room was like tingly.

02:08:02.000 Yeah.

02:08:03.000 And there's all these plants that are like super healthy and super moist.

02:08:06.000 They're getting spray.

02:08:07.000 They have like a little spray thing that's timed.

02:08:11.000 Sprying them certain times during the day, and they live under these lamps, and the lamps are on for a certain amount of time, and off for a certain amount of time, and you're watching it, and it's like, these are like intelligent creatures.

02:08:22.000 They feel like they're greeting you with their energy.

02:08:25.000 Yeah, it's strange around one of those things.

02:08:27.000 But then it's even creepier that you chop them up.

02:08:29.000 like what the man you don't even let them grow you grow a certain point and then like all right time to die bitch yeah you chop them and then you light them on fire dude and that's the relationship it's the fire sacrifice man it's like this isn't you know this is like in every single religion there's a reference to burning incense there's Burning bush. 0.97

02:08:52.000 Burning bush. 0.74

02:08:53.000 It's in everything, dude. 0.99

02:08:55.000 And it's like the fact that the component has been removed from the equation, the variables, they're trying to take the variable out of the fucking equation. 0.65

02:09:04.000 It's like, sometimes when you go to certain churches... 0.96

02:09:08.000 It's like a bunch of people.

02:09:09.000 How many churches are you going to? 1.00

02:09:10.000 Oh, dude, you gotta go to fucking churches from time to time. 1.00

02:09:13.000 Are you kidding? 1.00

02:09:14.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00

02:09:15.000 They're so psychedelic and cool and interesting phenomena. 1.00

02:09:18.000 It's like, I'll go to a church over a zoo.

02:09:23.000 Really?

02:09:23.000 I'll go to a church over a laser light show.

02:09:26.000 So how often do you go into churches?

02:09:27.000 I went on for a little tear of going to a Gnostic Christian church because of this book that I read.

02:09:33.000 Really?

02:09:34.000 Yeah.

02:09:34.000 I would eat some edible marijuana and go to the Gnostic Christian church to watch the Gnostic Mass, which is this beautiful ancient ceremony, which is like...

02:09:44.000 Basically, it is.

02:09:47.000 It's an occult ritual.

02:09:48.000 It's like you're doing something called the transubstantiation, which is transforming matter into the flesh of infinity.

02:09:55.000 But the Gnostics don't take things literally. 0.97

02:09:59.000 It's a different fucking thing altogether, and it's quite beautiful. 1.00

02:10:03.000 I'm not a Gnostic Christian, but man, chop on some fucking marijuana, go to a Gnostic Christian church respectfully, don't go there like some asshole, go there respectfully, and fucking report back. 1.00

02:10:14.000 You'll find that the experience is rather moving and beautiful. 1.00

02:10:17.000 And it's, um...

02:10:20.000 You can see how that component in religion is very important, psychedelic.

02:10:25.000 See, we do psychedelics now, right?

02:10:27.000 Generally we do psychedelics, but we don't have ceremony.

02:10:30.000 We have a kind of rudimentary ceremony, the passing of the joint, certain rules based around the consumption of the substance, but there's no real ceremony after that.

02:10:40.000 I think some people do it, but It's mostly you get high and you watch them, you know, you hang out with your friends, maybe you work out, go jogging, draw, right?

02:10:48.000 There's, like, rudimentary low-level ceremonies, but no, like, chanting, candles, incense, ancient scriptures.

02:10:55.000 What's the benefit of the ceremony?

02:11:00.000 Well, the first thing to remove when it comes to spiritual stuff is the term benefit.

02:11:08.000 You know what I mean? 0.97

02:11:09.000 Because it's a weird thing that plays against a lot of the way we understand shit. 0.90

02:11:14.000 You're not going for it for so much of benefit. 0.91

02:11:18.000 Though it is entertaining, and you are getting some instant kind of benefit from just being in a beautiful space, listening to people chant when you're super baked.

02:11:26.000 There's some immediate benefit that comes from that.

02:11:31.000 I think there's a lot of...

02:11:32.000 For me, the experience was like, this is a very old thing that I don't understand that well. 0.54

02:11:44.000 And the energy in here is fucking cool. 0.85

02:11:48.000 That was it. 0.93

02:11:49.000 That was the first thing that came out of it.

02:11:51.000 And then...

02:11:54.000 The priest made a joke about marijuana, actually.

02:11:59.000 Really? 0.96

02:12:00.000 I can't remember, but I remember being like, whoa, fucking crazy, man, because I'd just been reading in this book, magic, marijuana, and religion, that cannabis was ritualistically consumed in Gnostic ceremonies. 0.94

02:12:15.000 It was kind of weird and interesting. 0.99

02:12:18.000 Anyway, man, it's a beautiful fucking thing. 0.97

02:12:21.000 But when you see rituals that don't have psychoactive components in them, sometimes it feels like you're watching people warming their hands on dry tender that hasn't been set alight and pretending that there's fire coming up out of it. 0.98

02:12:35.000 It's like to remove the psychedelic from ritual when we see in so many indigenous cultures the It's a component of their spirituality and their religion.

02:12:46.000 It's kind of interesting.

02:12:48.000 Yeah, it was a very important aspect of the growth, a very important aspect of the ceremony itself, the transcending to the next stage, the going through the experience, the trip, to having the vision quests, the peyote ritual, whether it was the ayahuasca ritual, whether it was mushrooms in South America and Mexico.

02:13:11.000 Whatever it was, it was all about a transformative experience.

02:13:16.000 It was all about getting closer to Gaia, getting closer to the energy, the true energy, which we all get off, man.

02:13:24.000 Society is very complicated.

02:13:27.000 Our social interactions are so overbearing.

02:13:30.000 The idea that there's 300 million of us jammed onto this spot interacting with each other all the time.

02:13:37.000 It's hard to stay steady.

02:13:39.000 It's hard to stay on track, not freak out.

02:13:42.000 But then there's comedy in freaking out, too.

02:13:44.000 It's a problem, too.

02:13:45.000 The more you freak out and get pissed at things, the funnier it is.

02:13:48.000 Yeah, and you gotta let yourself freak, too. 0.84

02:13:50.000 I mean, that's another thing is, like, people, this fucking thing where people are all about being happy all the time, people have confused, you know, happiness as the end goal. 0.97

02:14:01.000 Like, having this emotional state of just, I'm happy today! 0.97

02:14:04.000 Like, that's not it.

02:14:05.000 The idea is being fully yourself and the entire spectrum of emotional experience, you know, man?

02:14:11.000 And it's like, and part of the emotional experience of existing is having meltdowns from time to time.

02:14:17.000 Like, it's good to have a nice meltdown from time to time.

02:14:19.000 It's good to, like, freak. 1.00

02:14:21.000 Don't beat yourself up for fucking losing your shit. 1.00

02:14:24.000 Right. 1.00

02:14:25.000 It's gonna happen. 1.00

02:14:25.000 Why wouldn't you lose your shit? 1.00

02:14:27.000 You're in a goddamn simulator with fucking dual error correcting code at the fundamental layer of the universe and the thing is more than likely... 1.00

02:14:34.000 Allegedly. 1.00

02:14:34.000 We're too stupid to really understand that. 1.00

02:14:35.000 It's more than likely a telescoping simulation where each incremental telescoping moving out becomes more and more entropic and out of focus and we're somewhere in this like middle, mid-range of this telescoping simulator that keeps getting washed out more and more and more. 0.98

02:14:52.000 This is the principle and physics of the universe expanding and running out of energy or the idea in Hinduism of Kali Yuga, the final age of human beings or the Mayan calendar and all the various eschatological prophecies talking about the end of the world. 0.98

02:15:10.000 The fucking simulator is going to run out of juice. 0.99

02:15:12.000 Someone's going to get called to dinner and have to stop playing the fucking game. 1.00

02:15:16.000 Or, or I love my country. 1.00

02:15:20.000 I love God.

02:15:21.000 I love my guns.

02:15:22.000 That's right.

02:15:24.000 And anybody who wants to change that, they gotta come through me.

02:15:26.000 They gotta come through me.

02:15:28.000 I love my simulator.

02:15:29.000 I love the programmer. 0.97

02:15:31.000 And anybody who wants to fuck with the operating system is gonna have to go through my firewall. 0.98

02:15:36.000 I love the engineer. 0.99

02:15:37.000 I took the blue pill.

02:15:39.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

02:15:40.000 Well, then, you know, those guys are nuts. 1.00

02:15:41.000 Didn't one of those fucking guys get a sex check? 1.00

02:15:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:44.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 Wow.

02:15:45.000 Well, you know the whole controversy behind the script?

02:15:48.000 There was a woman who claimed that she had written that and given it to them, like, years before, and then they took the idea and made it a movie.

02:15:55.000 But I think she lost.

02:15:56.000 I think she lost in court.

02:15:58.000 It's got to be hard to try to get money out of the Matrix, even if it's true. 0.98

02:16:02.000 There's fucking so much money behind that machine. 0.84

02:16:06.000 But yeah, she sued. 1.00

02:16:07.000 I don't know if she's crazy.

02:16:08.000 I shouldn't even be bringing it up.

02:16:10.000 Because you never really know. 0.61

02:16:11.000 Sometimes people steal ideas, but sometimes people are kind of crazy.

02:16:15.000 Well, I mean, and also the idea of the Matrix itself is like an age-old idea.

02:16:20.000 Yeah, but I think the similarities were very extreme.

02:16:22.000 Oh, really? 1.00

02:16:23.000 Yeah, I'm talking out of my ass. 1.00

02:16:24.000 Let me pull it up real quick. 0.99

02:16:27.000 Matrix lawsuit.

02:16:28.000 What a great movie, man. 1.00

02:16:29.000 There's so much information encoded in that son of a bitch. 0.99

02:16:32.000 Yeah, but the sequels were terrible. 0.99

02:16:34.000 I don't remember the sequels.

02:16:36.000 You don't?

02:16:38.000 No, man.

02:16:39.000 I really don't.

02:16:39.000 I remember the first one.

02:16:40.000 It's almost like they gave the reins to somebody else.

02:16:45.000 Snopes.

02:16:45.000 There's a Snopes, which means it's a problem.

02:16:50.000 Right?

02:16:50.000 Isn't it usually?

02:16:51.000 What is Snopes?

02:16:53.000 Yeah, when it's Snopes, it's like they're clearing up a myth.

02:16:56.000 Isn't almost all of Snopes clearing up myths?

02:16:59.000 Yeah, it says, the claim is that she won a large judgment in a copyright infringement suit over the authorship of the film The Matrix.

02:17:06.000 That is false, apparently.

02:17:08.000 And she started in, okay, in October 4th, 2004, ended a six-year dispute involving Sophia Stewart. 0.98

02:17:16.000 And so six fucking years are dragged on. 0.86

02:17:18.000 Copyright infringement, racketeering, received and acknowledged by the Central District of California, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 0.98

02:17:25.000 Stewart, who has resided in Salt Lake City for the past five years, will recover damages from the films.

02:17:30.000 Wait a minute.

02:17:31.000 She recovered damages?

02:17:33.000 The Matrix 1, 2, and 3, as well as The Terminator and its sequels. 0.99

02:17:36.000 Holy shit. 0.90

02:17:37.000 She will soon receive one of the biggest payoffs in the history of Hollywood, as well as gross receipts of both films and their sequels to a total of $2.5 billion. 0.99

02:17:46.000 What?

02:17:48.000 I thought it just said it wasn't real.

02:17:49.000 Yeah, I got confused.

02:17:50.000 I thought they were explaining it.

02:17:52.000 Oh, this is examples.

02:17:53.000 This is examples of the various lies.

02:17:56.000 Oh, I see.

02:17:57.000 Okay.

02:17:58.000 2.5 billion dollars.

02:18:00.000 Yeah.

02:18:01.000 Apparently, she generated controversy by claiming in a lawsuit brought against directors Andy and Larry.

02:18:07.000 Which one became a chick? 1.00

02:18:08.000 Can I ask you something?

02:18:09.000 Holla.

02:18:10.000 When you deposit a huge amount of money into your bank account, how long does it take to go through?

02:18:17.000 Like, if you deposited, like, a million dollars in your bank account.

02:18:20.000 I don't know, but listen to this.

02:18:21.000 Stewart's case was dismissed in June 2005 when she failed to show up for a preliminary hearing of her case. 0.72

02:18:27.000 In a 53-page ruling, Judge Margaret Morrow of the Central District Court of California dismissed the suit, saying Stewart and her attorneys had not entered any evidence to bolster its key claims or demonstrated any striking similarity between her work.

02:18:40.000 And she didn't show up.

02:18:41.000 That's crazy.

02:18:42.000 Wow, man.

02:18:42.000 I don't know what that is.

02:18:43.000 You think they paid her? 1.00

02:18:44.000 You think they pulled her side and said, listen, bitch. 1.00

02:18:48.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:18:49.000 Maybe.

02:18:50.000 Why not?

02:18:51.000 They've got a shitload of money.

02:18:52.000 Who knows?

02:18:52.000 I don't know.

02:18:53.000 Probably not.

02:18:54.000 I wonder how close it was.

02:18:55.000 How close the case was.

02:18:57.000 I mean, who knows, man.

02:18:59.000 You can take anyone to court.

02:19:01.000 You can file suit against people.

02:19:04.000 Right.

02:19:05.000 I mean, people, when I worked at the Comedy Store, filed suit against Mitzi for sending negative telepathic vibes into their thoughts.

02:19:12.000 Right.

02:19:12.000 For reals?

02:19:13.000 Yeah.

02:19:14.000 Crazy.

02:19:14.000 So you had to go to court for that?

02:19:15.000 Kooks! 0.99

02:19:16.000 Look up the parking meter lady. 1.00

02:19:18.000 There's someone suing the city for their new parking meters.

02:19:20.000 You can Google search it.

02:19:21.000 It's like all over the news right now.

02:19:23.000 It freaked her out.

02:19:24.000 Do some people just like lawsuits?

02:19:26.000 They just get really good at it?

02:19:28.000 It's like a hobby. 1.00

02:19:30.000 Just fuck with the system. 1.00

02:19:32.000 Try to drag things through. 0.99

02:19:34.000 Well, I mean, of course, some people make a lot of money. 0.99

02:19:36.000 Like, some people will actually track down ladies' nights and sue the fucking companies. 1.00

02:19:41.000 Because they can't get in. 0.99

02:19:42.000 Yeah.

02:19:43.000 Yeah, that's hilarious.

02:19:44.000 Yeah, that's some people's bread and butter.

02:19:46.000 How hilarious is that? 0.98

02:19:48.000 People will find places that aren't equipped for people in wheelchairs and they'll fucking sue them, man. 0.99

02:19:56.000 And you know, in that way, I am very much a feminist in that I think women should be allowed to have their own fucking gym. 1.00

02:20:02.000 And I don't think you should be allowed to protest that. 1.00

02:20:04.000 I think if women want to work out in a gym with no drooling fucking ape dudes, any guy who would try to go to that gym is an asshole. 0.99

02:20:12.000 If you want to go to a gym that's just completely filled with women who don't want to be around men, they know the deal, that's what they agree to, and you want to claim that your rights are being violated because this gym is closest to you, so you just, by proximity, you should be allowed to use it? 0.99

02:20:27.000 Like, they shouldn't be... 0.94

02:20:28.000 What a ridiculousness. 1.00

02:20:29.000 You shouldn't be allowed to limit your business to only include one gender because the other gender is always trying to fuck that single gender? 1.00

02:20:36.000 Always making them uncomfortable and feel weird when they're fucking stretching out? 1.00

02:20:39.000 Yeah, that is fucked. 1.00

02:20:40.000 It's fucking gross. 1.00

02:20:41.000 It's gross. 1.00

02:20:42.000 It's gross that any asshole would actually try to sue them for that. 1.00

02:20:45.000 That you would want to go. 1.00

02:20:47.000 But that's weird because women's bathrooms are sovereign nations for women. 1.00

02:20:53.000 A man can't sue to be allowed to go into a women's bathroom. 1.00

02:20:56.000 Well, a woman can't sue to be in a man's bathroom. 1.00

02:20:58.000 Right, so in there it's accepted.

02:21:00.000 But you can sue if there's not a woman's bathroom. 1.00

02:21:02.000 If you go to a place and there's only a man's bathroom, you could sue. 0.95

02:21:05.000 Right, you have to have both.

02:21:06.000 Yeah, you have to have both.

02:21:07.000 So they would have to build a gym.

02:21:08.000 If they built a gym next to that gym for all men, one would be empty and one would be filled with women. 1.00

02:21:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:16.000 Well, you know, an all-man gym gets filled with gay guys. 0.98

02:21:19.000 Oh yeah, I forgot about that. 0.98

02:21:21.000 Gold's Gym? 0.99

02:21:21.000 Dumb joke. 0.99

02:21:22.000 I forgot about that. 0.97

02:21:23.000 When I first was on news radio, I'd work out there and I had this whole bit about it.

02:21:28.000 Doing bench press and dudes would just like spot you. 1.00

02:21:31.000 They wouldn't even ask. 0.97

02:21:32.000 They would just literally just dangle their balls right above your head. 1.00

02:21:35.000 They were like so cocky. 0.99

02:21:37.000 Like dudes were like hitting on dudes left and right in this gym. 1.00

02:21:40.000 It was crazy because that's what they were there for. 0.99

02:21:43.000 I watched these guys just fucking grunting through a set. 0.98

02:21:47.000 They were doing, the guy was doing rows, you know, so he's like bent over. 0.99

02:21:53.000 And the other guy is chest to back, okay, pressing down on him.

02:21:58.000 And the way he's spotting him is, you know, the guy is holding on to the bar and he's holding on to the top of the bar, chest to back. 1.00

02:22:05.000 And it's like he's fucking him, man. 0.98

02:22:07.000 I mean, it's like, it's really physical. 1.00

02:22:10.000 Like if I was doing that, I would, you know, if it was a chick, if I was doing that to my wife, I'd get a dick. 1.00

02:22:16.000 My dick would get hard. 1.00

02:22:17.000 If you were helping her pull and push like that, you would start to just put this fucking weight down. 1.00

02:22:22.000 What's up? 1.00

02:22:22.000 You know, you would immediately want to fuck. 1.00

02:22:24.000 I mean, it's a fucking motion. 1.00

02:22:26.000 These guys were doing that in the gym. 0.99

02:22:29.000 no it's funny how like the it's funny how the mythical the mythical world of porn like in the because in the porn universe the physics of porn are not the physics of the material world the physics of porn that happens dude you're at the gym and some chicks like hey can you spot me for a second and you're like sure i'll spot you and then like just she just starts sucking your dick and you're like wow i can't believe I guess I owe you one. 0.99

02:22:55.000 Zip. 0.99

02:22:56.000 Yeah.

02:22:57.000 That's the physics of porn. 1.00

02:22:59.000 And then another dude will come over and just start jacking off and sticking into her while she's sucking your dick. 1.00

02:23:03.000 And you don't care. 1.00

02:23:03.000 You're like, hey, what's up, buddy? 1.00

02:23:05.000 Yeah, let's run a train on this bitch. 1.00

02:23:07.000 Porn physics. 1.00

02:23:09.000 But it's weird how in places like what you're talking about, which I had this guy, this very fucking brilliant guy, Conor Habib, who also happens to be a gay porn star on my podcast. 0.98

02:23:23.000 And he was talking about fucking, he wrote actually a great essay on cruising. 0.99

02:23:28.000 and and and uh which will permanently shift your notion of rest areas permanently straight but like you know he calls those types of gyms that you're talking about I think the term he used was cruisy is the word of it so yeah so like those places that the physics in there are the same as inside porn if you're a gay dude you can go to a gym and like and you can fuck yeah you're gonna fuck Yeah, it's a completely different experience because there's no yang. 0.99

02:23:56.000 It's all just, everybody's just, or there's no yin. 0.99

02:23:58.000 I don't know which one is the hard style, but it's just, just fucking it up. 0.97

02:24:03.000 That's it. 1.00

02:24:03.000 They're just, they're just looking to fuck. 1.00

02:24:05.000 One thing I've never thought on my way to the gym is I'm probably gonna get laid in here. 1.00

02:24:11.000 I've never thought that. 1.00

02:24:12.000 I'm like, oh, I think I'm gonna get a fucking, probably get a blow job after my fucking squats today. 0.99

02:24:18.000 I told you when Bravo and I used to work out at this gym. 0.99

02:24:21.000 We used to work out at 24 Hour Fitness.

02:24:23.000 And when we would go there, there was a dude that we got friendly with.

02:24:26.000 It was the manager guy.

02:24:27.000 Real friendly guy.

02:24:29.000 And he had just transferred over from Santa Monica.

02:24:32.000 And he was just so happy.

02:24:33.000 He was so relaxed to be in the suburbs.

02:24:36.000 And I go, well, what's going on?

02:24:37.000 He goes, I was brought in there to clean it up. 0.99

02:24:39.000 And he was brought in there because they were just fucking everywhere. 0.99

02:24:42.000 They had just turned it into a gay gym. 1.00

02:24:45.000 It was not just a gay gym, but it was a gay pickup joint. 0.88

02:24:48.000 It was a disco. 0.82

02:24:49.000 So they would have a steam room. 0.99

02:24:51.000 They would fuck in the steam room. 1.00

02:24:52.000 People would constantly be walking in on guys fucking in the steam room. 1.00

02:24:55.000 They would find loads all over the benches and shit. 0.99

02:24:58.000 He'd have to come in and hose everything down. 1.00

02:24:59.000 So they had to literally clean up the whole place and tell them they've got to stop fucking. 0.99

02:25:04.000 And people would get mad at them. 0.99

02:25:05.000 Like, what?

02:25:06.000 Do you think there was like one guy who was like straight and just annoyed all the time? 0.97

02:25:10.000 Because he was always sitting in jizz and like, I just want to fucking work out, dude.

02:25:15.000 I'm sure there must have been some straight guys there. 0.98

02:25:17.000 I was straight when I worked out at Gold's Gym.

02:25:20.000 I was straight.

02:25:21.000 When I started there, before I went queer.

02:25:25.000 I was straight, and I was there, and so the guys I worked with were straight, and they were there.

02:25:31.000 It was a convenient gym.

02:25:32.000 It wasn't all gay, but it was at least 50%, maybe more gay, and they were really, like, they owned it. 0.97

02:25:38.000 They owned it. 0.91

02:25:39.000 They owned being gay. 0.99

02:25:40.000 They owned that place. 0.58

02:25:41.000 They would wear, like, Timberland boots with, like, fluffy, puffy socks and, like, shaved legs, very muscular legs with, ready?

02:25:49.000 Ready?

02:25:50.000 Daisy Duke shorts.

02:25:51.000 Yeah.

02:25:51.000 Yeah, and guys who would work out like that with a tank top on.

02:25:54.000 They were gay as fuck. 1.00

02:25:55.000 Dude, at the fucking Gold's Gym. 1.00

02:25:56.000 I used to work out at Gold's Gym in Hollywood. 1.00

02:25:59.000 On coal, that's what I'm talking about.

02:26:00.000 Oh! 0.60

02:26:01.000 Gold's on coal in Hollywood.

02:26:02.000 Oh, yeah, dude. 1.00

02:26:04.000 There was a guy in Chaps who'd work out there in a fucking black leather hat and fucking Chaps. 1.00

02:26:10.000 He was just wandered off of a fucking ranch filled with... 1.00

02:26:16.000 But it's their spot, man. 1.00

02:26:18.000 Good for them.

02:26:20.000 I've never understood anti-gay feelings.

02:26:23.000 They seem like they're having a fun time.

02:26:25.000 I know a lot of gay people and it seems like they're having a good time.

02:26:30.000 They got a lot of disposable income.

02:26:33.000 I know this gay couple, they're always driving a new car. 1.00

02:26:36.000 I feel like they're having a great time.

02:26:38.000 Yeah, man.

02:26:38.000 Yeah, no.

02:26:39.000 These fucking homophobes. 1.00

02:26:40.000 These fucks right now are really, like, really... 1.00

02:26:43.000 But it's cool, man, because, like, what's happening, what's really cool and fascinating is, like, the bigots are the ones who are being driven into the closet. 0.99

02:26:51.000 It used to be that, like, it's like reversing. 0.99

02:26:54.000 Like, gay people are coming out of the closet, and bigots are getting pushed into the closet that they came out of, which is a great fucking part. 0.99

02:27:01.000 That's a good balance. 0.99

02:27:02.000 That's what it should be like.

02:27:03.000 And I've always said that that's my take on everything, that as a human being, that I should be a humanist.

02:27:11.000 And it shouldn't matter whether I'm with the straights or with the gays or the whites or the blacks. 0.64

02:27:16.000 We should all just be with the humans.

02:27:19.000 And I've resisted any ideas of being a masculinist or any ideas of being a feminist or any ideas of being a nationalist or any ideas of being...

02:27:28.000 Yes. 0.95

02:27:31.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00

02:27:34.000 You're a fucking human. 1.00

02:27:35.000 We're all human. 1.00

02:27:36.000 And it should be real simple.

02:27:38.000 We should get in each other's way as little as possible, help each other out as much as possible.

02:27:44.000 It's really that simple.

02:27:45.000 It's very simple.

02:27:46.000 It's really that simple.

02:27:47.000 And anything else is crazy.

02:27:48.000 And that's why, you know, people got really upset about this whole Tosh thing.

02:27:53.000 And people got upset at the backlash.

02:27:55.000 But I think we can't ever pretend that intent is not important.

02:28:01.000 We can't ever pretend that there are buzzwords that you can never use or subjects which you can never cover or, you know, or you're not allowed to because someone could have possibly had a bad experience and you're going to trigger an event.

02:28:15.000 That's not comedy, man.

02:28:16.000 You can't have those sort of restrictions and have stand-up comedy.

02:28:20.000 It's not going to work that way.

02:28:21.000 You're going to miss out on a lot of great comedy. 0.99

02:28:25.000 Dude, you can't have those fucking restrictions on anything. 0.98

02:28:27.000 You can't have it on literature. 0.99

02:28:28.000 You can't have it on poetry.

02:28:30.000 You can't have it on art.

02:28:31.000 Why do these smart people want to restrict people? 0.91

02:28:33.000 Why do these smart people want to come down on it so hard when they know what is really going on?

02:28:38.000 Well, I think there's a bunch of different answers to that question.

02:28:41.000 I think there's a variety of reasons people want to do it, from the From, I suppose, people who are crusaders or true believers in what they're doing. 1.00

02:28:51.000 Really have gotten the language virus to the nth degree and really believe that they have to fucking shoot the abortion doctor in the fucking face. 0.99

02:29:05.000 Really fucking believe to all the way to the bottom level where people are trying to look fucking cool. 0.99

02:29:13.000 Or even worse, how about the guy who goes to the Sikh temple and doesn't even understand that Sikhs are very peaceful people and thinks that they're Muslims in some way. 1.00

02:29:19.000 And he's got 9-11 tattoos on his body and he kills a bunch of people.

02:29:23.000 How about that?

02:29:24.000 Unless you want to Alex Jones it up.

02:29:27.000 False flag operation!

02:29:28.000 False flag! 0.98

02:29:29.000 Well, look, man, I don't fucking know, man. 0.97

02:29:32.000 But I do think that the complexity of the... 0.99

02:29:35.000 I think that the greedy, selfish, lying people tend to use complexity to their advantage. 0.98

02:29:44.000 And people who seem to be more on the fucking beam, as the Freemasons say, have very simple ideas, very simple fucking ideas Like what Gandhi said, you know? 0.99

02:29:57.000 Very simple idea. 0.98

02:29:58.000 Find someone who needs help and help them.

02:30:01.000 It's simple. 0.99

02:30:02.000 And right away some asshole's like, yeah, but what does that mean? 0.99

02:30:04.000 What does help mean? 0.99

02:30:05.000 It's like, I'll tell you what help means. 0.95

02:30:07.000 Somebody fucking might need you to loan them some money. 0.94

02:30:10.000 Somebody might need you to bring them some soup. 1.00

02:30:12.000 Somebody might need a ride to the fucking airport. 0.99

02:30:15.000 It's not complicated, man. 0.99

02:30:16.000 It's basic.

02:30:17.000 And if everyone starts following basic principles like that...

02:30:21.000 There's plenty of resources.

02:30:23.000 Yeah.

02:30:24.000 The real problem is we got this weird competitive game that's going on and it's set up not in an efficient way where we generate just the amount that we need in order to be happy, but in some crazy way where you never think enough is enough.

02:30:40.000 And the game becomes part of what motivates you.

02:30:44.000 And instead of it just being about happiness, it sometimes morphs into just being about the numbers.

02:30:50.000 Just being about the game.

02:30:52.000 Just being about accomplishments.

02:30:54.000 And you get nutty.

02:30:55.000 And you're like, you could become Evander Holyfield when you're living in a 110-room mansion that costs a million dollars a year to keep the electricity on.

02:31:02.000 I mean, people can get like that. 0.97

02:31:04.000 I saw a piece of real estate online the other day that was a house for 40 fucking million dollars. 0.94

02:31:13.000 And I was looking at this house. 1.00

02:31:14.000 I was like, that is the craziest fucking shit I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

02:31:17.000 But somewhere, there's a dude who's like, I'm ready to take it to the next level. 1.00

02:31:21.000 I'm here with this $10 million house. 1.00

02:31:23.000 It's a piece of shit to me. 1.00

02:31:24.000 I'm ready to move up. 1.00

02:31:25.000 It's fucking international. 0.98

02:31:26.000 I want to be at the top. 1.00

02:31:28.000 Monetary gangster type motherfucker with some serious shekels. 1.00

02:31:31.000 Top of the tree. 1.00

02:31:31.000 There's a great website. 1.00

02:31:33.000 Check it out.

02:31:34.000 Awesome blog.

02:31:35.000 Rich kids of Instagram. 1.00

02:31:36.000 Have you seen this shit? 1.00

02:31:37.000 No. 1.00

02:31:37.000 Dude, Google that. 1.00

02:31:38.000 Look at the receipts.

02:31:39.000 Oh, God. 1.00

02:31:40.000 These fucking rich kids take... 1.00

02:31:41.000 They put receipts? 1.00

02:31:41.000 They take pictures of receipts? 1.00

02:31:42.000 $103,000 dinners with like...

02:31:47.000 Yeah.

02:31:47.000 The kids?

02:31:48.000 Yeah, Rich Kids of Instagram. 1.00

02:31:51.000 Fucking check it out. 0.99

02:31:52.000 Why must you do this to me, Duncan? 0.99

02:31:53.000 I apologize, but it's amazing.

02:31:55.000 It's an amazing website, man. 0.99

02:31:56.000 Fucking inflatable. 0.99

02:31:58.000 Wow, it's like the first, when I wrote Rich Kids of Instagram. 0.99

02:32:02.000 It's a beautiful site, dude. 1.00

02:32:04.000 And they're saying they're going to have to try to keep their kids from posting this shit on Instagram. 1.00

02:32:07.000 Really? 1.00

02:32:08.000 Because it's a security threat.

02:32:10.000 So it is a website?

02:32:11.000 Instagram.com?

02:32:12.000 RichKidsofInstagram.com?

02:32:13.000 Yeah.

02:32:13.000 Oh, there it is.

02:32:14.000 Oh my god.

02:32:14.000 Yeah, this is awesome.

02:32:15.000 It's amazing.

02:32:16.000 They have a giant bottle of moe and they're...

02:32:19.000 Just scroll down.

02:32:21.000 Four gallons of moe.

02:32:22.000 Yeah.

02:32:23.000 Dude, get to the receipt.

02:32:25.000 Just scroll down.

02:32:26.000 There's a $103,000 receipt in there.

02:32:28.000 Wow.

02:32:29.000 The girl's chilling in the mansion. 0.90

02:32:31.000 She's a little kid.

02:32:32.000 Yeah.

02:32:34.000 I can't find any receipts.

02:32:36.000 But they got some dope-ass houses. 1.00

02:32:37.000 Yes, they do. 0.88

02:32:39.000 Wow.

02:32:40.000 Wow. 1.00

02:32:40.000 This guy's living in a fucking castle. 1.00

02:32:42.000 Yeah, they live in castles. 1.00

02:32:44.000 It must be really hard to be like, yeah, here he is, $107,000 and put the receipt online. 0.99

02:32:50.000 What a douchebag. 0.58

02:32:51.000 But Cokes are like $10. 0.98

02:32:53.000 San Tropez, yeah.

02:32:55.000 Cappuccinos, $12.

02:32:57.000 Coca-Cola is $10.

02:32:59.000 Two Coca-Colas, $10 each.

02:33:01.000 But it's like crazy wines.

02:33:03.000 Dom Perignon, $4,000.

02:33:06.000 Another Dom, $5,000.

02:33:09.000 Oh my God.

02:33:10.000 It's crazy.

02:33:11.000 $107,000 for dinner.

02:33:13.000 What's the tip?

02:33:15.000 It doesn't show.

02:33:16.000 I know.

02:33:17.000 It just says $107,000.

02:33:18.000 It's got to be.

02:33:19.000 Maybe in Centro Pay you don't tip.

02:33:21.000 Maybe it's one of those weird places.

02:33:22.000 There's a lot of places where you don't tip.

02:33:24.000 Right.

02:33:24.000 You know?

02:33:25.000 I mean, you can.

02:33:26.000 I do.

02:33:27.000 But they don't expect it.

02:33:28.000 I'm sure the waiter gets taken care of at a restaurant that has $107,000 dinners.

02:33:33.000 Maybe.

02:33:33.000 But when you have $40,000...

02:33:34.000 I said $4,000.

02:33:35.000 I'm sorry.

02:33:36.000 I meant $40,000.

02:33:37.000 The Dom Perignon is $40,000.

02:33:40.000 So is the other one.

02:33:41.000 It's not $5,000.

02:33:42.000 It's $50,000.

02:33:43.000 Yeah.

02:33:43.000 That's why it's so high.

02:33:44.000 That's fucking incredible. 0.99

02:33:45.000 You can buy a bottle of something for $50,000? 0.99

02:33:48.000 Sure.

02:33:49.000 Are we sure it's dollars?

02:33:51.000 It's not you can buy it.

02:33:52.000 You can sell it.

02:33:53.000 That's the hopeful aspect of it. 1.00

02:33:54.000 There's dipshits out there gonna pay fifty fucking thousand dollars for your goddamn carbonated grape juice. 1.00

02:34:00.000 How dumb is that? 1.00

02:34:01.000 That's awesome! 1.00

02:34:02.000 Isn't that the craziest thing of all time?

02:34:03.000 That someone would actually spend that much money?

02:34:05.000 I mean, how good could it be?

02:34:07.000 It can't be.

02:34:07.000 There's no way it can be.

02:34:08.000 It can't be.

02:34:09.000 It's probably not even as good as Kool-Aid. 0.98

02:34:11.000 Kool-Aid is fucking delicious. 0.99

02:34:12.000 Especially if you're really thirsty. 0.99

02:34:15.000 It's sweet.

02:34:16.000 It's delicious. 1.00

02:34:17.000 Dude, if I'm paying $40,000 for something, that shit better come out of the fucking, some frozen vault of Sando's laboratories. 1.00

02:34:26.000 It better be some fucking, it better be the acid that Hoffman first generated and stored in a crystal vial somewhere deep under the Pentagon. 0.99

02:34:35.000 And even that, maybe that would be worth $50,000 because it would be so life-changing. 0.99

02:34:39.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:34:40.000 Yeah, it's kind of silly, man.

02:34:43.000 It's kind of the weird thing with wine.

02:34:45.000 Wine is such a strange beverage.

02:34:48.000 Those people that get together and work on the tastes of it, and they have educated palates.

02:34:53.000 Some of them, they become high-level sommeliers.

02:34:56.000 They can detect where the grapes are from, but just by tasting a glass of wine.

02:35:01.000 Dude.

02:35:01.000 It's weird.

02:35:02.000 It's fucking weird, but it's, I mean, definitely, like, when I went up to, like, I went up to fucking Solving once to, like, to drink, like, wine from the vineyards, and it's awesome, dude. 0.78

02:35:12.000 It's incredible, the variations and the taste and the, like, the beauty of the set, of the terrain. 0.96

02:35:19.000 It's, like, a really beautiful thing, man.

02:35:21.000 It's, like...

02:35:22.000 What's it like up there?

02:35:23.000 What's the climate like?

02:35:25.000 When we were there, it was hot, as I recall, man.

02:35:28.000 Summer?

02:35:28.000 Was it summer?

02:35:29.000 It was summer, and you get cars to drive around because you're going to get trash going to the vineyard slurping all that wine. 1.00

02:35:34.000 And our fucking goddamn driver was like an AA dude. 0.99

02:35:38.000 It's like, so our driver's this sober guy driving us to the vineyards, and you felt kind of guilty by the end of the day because you're just like in the back of the goddamn car with like crusty red wine all over your lips, like wanting to puke. 1.00

02:35:52.000 How much wine did you drink over the course of a day? 0.98

02:35:54.000 Oh, God.

02:35:58.000 There's no telling!

02:35:59.000 I didn't have to worry about a DUI and I was taking marijuana tincture at the same time.

02:36:03.000 So do you think you drank a half a gallon maybe?

02:36:08.000 Oh yeah, easily.

02:36:12.000 Half a gallon of wine.

02:36:14.000 I would imagine.

02:36:17.000 People must be falling down left and right.

02:36:19.000 Oh, they're trashed. 0.99

02:36:20.000 And by the end of the day, you're slurring your words and just gesturing at fucking things on the menu and barely talk. 0.99

02:36:28.000 I can never do that. 0.99

02:36:31.000 You don't have to get trashed.

02:36:32.000 I can't get drunk at dinner.

02:36:35.000 Ever.

02:36:35.000 Because then I'm going to come home to the kids.

02:36:37.000 I never want to be drunk around my kids.

02:36:39.000 See, that's why it's good to have kids, man. 0.99

02:36:40.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:36:41.000 The older I get, the more inhuman I feel. 0.99

02:36:42.000 Because I don't have a sweet little baby. 1.00

02:36:44.000 Oh, I'd love a little fucking tot. 0.99

02:36:46.000 Yeah, I'm sure you would, but you, first of all, have to have a relationship with a person. 0.99

02:36:50.000 What?

02:36:51.000 Deep, deep relationship with a person.

02:36:53.000 I know.

02:36:53.000 You know each other very, very, very well.

02:36:55.000 Yeah?

02:36:56.000 And you enjoy each other very much. 1.00

02:36:57.000 And if you don't, you're fucked. 1.00

02:36:59.000 And then it becomes a nightmare. 1.00

02:37:02.000 But, you know, keeps you from coming home drunk. 0.56

02:37:04.000 That's for fucksure.

02:37:05.000 No, it doesn't.

02:37:07.000 It would.

02:37:08.000 It doesn't keep a lot of people. 1.00

02:37:09.000 Well, they're fools. 0.98

02:37:10.000 A lot of people it does not keep from going. 0.99

02:37:12.000 Yeah, I think you should not be impaired around your kid.

02:37:16.000 Dude, have you seen that picture of the baby sleeping under the bar stool?

02:37:19.000 Have you ever seen that picture?

02:37:20.000 I don't want to hear about it. 1.00

02:37:22.000 Fucking dragging the kid to the bar. 0.99

02:37:23.000 I don't even want to hear about it, dude. 1.00

02:37:24.000 There's so many people that just fucking get a shit roll of the dice and they're born into a family full of dummies. 1.00

02:37:31.000 Dummies doing dumb things. 1.00

02:37:33.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:37:33.000 It's a bit of a problem. 1.00

02:37:35.000 I wonder if things are really changing, Duncan, the way I feel like they're changing.

02:37:39.000 I wonder if it's just my circle of people, and I wonder if it's just the people that we come in contact with through the podcast and through Twitter, the positive people.

02:37:48.000 I wonder how much the world shares in the sort of the vibe that we feel and that we're riding. 0.65

02:37:55.000 And I always wonder if that is what, if putting that out there, if If it's possible that we can get our shit together by using the internet, by using podcasts, by using different ways to communicate to each other, that we can somehow or another all be reached and all get our shit together.

02:38:20.000 In this generation more so than anybody's ever done before.

02:38:23.000 Well, you know, man, I mean, I think that there has to be a, you know, everyone has to keep using the technology.

02:38:28.000 It's like, dude, like when I went to fucking Cincinnati, this guy, I met this awesome guy named Izzy, who started his own podcast from listening to your podcast and listening to my podcast.

02:38:38.000 He started his own podcast. 0.90

02:38:40.000 I call it Tales from the Hard Side.

02:38:42.000 The Hard Side?

02:38:43.000 Yeah.

02:38:44.000 But he was...

02:38:44.000 No, man.

02:38:45.000 He definitely is kind of like a ripped dude.

02:38:47.000 He's definitely had a very fascinating life.

02:38:51.000 But the point is, he listened to this...

02:38:56.000 And then he started his own podcast.

02:39:01.000 There's a group of them who hang out together now from listening to your podcast and from listening to my podcast. 0.96

02:39:09.000 And they started their own fucking podcast, which is a kind of cool thing. 1.00

02:39:12.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:39:12.000 Because it's spreading it more. 1.00

02:39:16.000 The bottom line is...

02:39:19.000 You can't get hierarchical with your geography because a lot of people are like, you know, I just live in Pennsylvania. 0.99

02:39:25.000 There's no one here to have a good conversation with or wherever the fuck they say they live. 0.98

02:39:28.000 It's like, I guarantee you're surrounded by people who want to talk about philosophical shit and want to connect with someone on a level deeper than just what you had for lunch and what fucking clothes are cool or movies or whatever. 0.99

02:39:41.000 You say that, but unless you're in a city, that's probably not the case. 0.98

02:39:44.000 Dude, I was just in...

02:39:46.000 Well, you know, yeah.

02:39:47.000 Depending on how old you are, especially.

02:39:50.000 Man, all I know is that, like, I don't want to sound too weirdly patting myself on the back, but it's you, too. 0.90

02:39:57.000 Like, when you go to these fucking shows, dude, there's thousands of fucking people there, and when you talk to them after the show, they're all really fucking cool, and they didn't all just come from metropolitan areas. 0.91

02:40:07.000 These people are coming from different towns and cities, and But they have access to us. 0.99

02:40:13.000 They might not have access to people near them, is what I'm saying, that also share in those interests.

02:40:18.000 There might not be anybody around them like that.

02:40:20.000 You might think there is, but unless they're in a really large area where there's a lot of people to choose from, you might not be correct.

02:40:27.000 It takes a lot of people, a lot of focus, to get the group of 2,000 people that will come to see one of our shows.

02:40:33.000 You've got to go through hundreds of thousands of Regular people. 1.00

02:40:36.000 No, I know. 0.99

02:40:36.000 To find those 2,000 disenfranchised people that really want to say, fuck yeah, Duncan Trussell. 0.99

02:40:42.000 Bust out a little hobo, bitch. 1.00

02:40:43.000 You know? 1.00

02:40:44.000 The people that listen to this podcast, the people that... 0.98

02:40:46.000 Look, I've had people come up to me that say, I hate the word cunt, and then I loved your podcast. 0.99

02:40:52.000 The first time I heard you say cunt, it bugged me. 0.99

02:40:55.000 But now I say it every day. 1.00

02:40:56.000 Now everything's a cunt. 1.00

02:40:57.000 Everyone's a cunt. 1.00

02:40:58.000 She's a cunt. 1.00

02:40:58.000 This is a cunt. 1.00

02:40:59.000 My cat's a cunt. 1.00

02:40:59.000 My sister's a cunt. 1.00

02:41:00.000 And it just becomes a part of your vernacular. 1.00

02:41:02.000 And that's nothing I'm proud of. 1.00

02:41:08.000 with something bad or stupid, ridiculous like the word cunt. 1.00

02:41:11.000 It can happen with any sort of idea. 0.99

02:41:13.000 Any idea can get through because of a podcast, like the idea of treating each other really as if we are ourselves living in another life.

02:41:23.000 The idea of recognizing that this really is a temporary situation.

02:41:27.000 Temporary situation, and you need to live it. 0.99

02:41:30.000 You need to live this bitch up, okay? 1.00

02:41:32.000 Because you're not going to feel good unless you do. 1.00

02:41:34.000 If you hang back and be that guy that you described earlier, who's 30, well, wait till I'm 40, I'll get my shit together, and then 40, and I still don't have a career, but hey, man, I got a good job, I'm going to keep it for a little while, maybe I'm going to learn how to be an apprentice, and then one day he's dead. 0.98

02:41:48.000 Just keel over. 0.99

02:41:48.000 And he missed his ride. 0.99

02:41:49.000 Just keel over. 0.99

02:41:50.000 And then he could be a guy like you. 0.98

02:41:52.000 The guy who's gone on peaks and valleys and had dry spots and now is riding this new crazy wave where you sort of just figured out how to get on the board and really fucking travel. 0.60

02:42:02.000 Yeah, that's a fucking cool thing, man, is because it's right there and it just requires a kind of like... 0.96

02:42:10.000 The thing is, it's so fucking simple. 0.86

02:42:13.000 But it's not. 0.81

02:42:14.000 It's not.

02:42:15.000 Because to have access to people is not simple by any stretch of the imagination.

02:42:19.000 To have the right ideas, sure.

02:42:21.000 But in order to get those ideas in front of people, that takes a heroic effort.

02:42:26.000 Man, I just think, like, the thing that I'm, like, hesitating to say, because I don't want it to sound fucking culty, is, like, I really do think that people can, like, organize.

02:42:36.000 I do believe that wherever you're at, man, there's gotta be something. 0.84

02:42:40.000 There's ways that you could fucking figure out other people who, like, have this kind of interest that we talk about here. 0.90

02:42:45.000 Well, I think through Twitter, that's one way. 0.99

02:42:47.000 Where you find out people that are interested in the same kind of shows that you're interested in, and you find out that you're in your town, hey, where's the cool motherfuckers up in Tallahassee? 0.93

02:42:54.000 And you put that up on Twitter, and you know, put Tallahassee as a hashtag. 0.71

02:42:58.000 Actually, now people are doing it back and forth.

02:43:00.000 That's it, dude. 0.97

02:43:01.000 And it's like, that, that, it's really fucking important because it's not just good enough to exist in fucking digital space with people. 0.89

02:43:08.000 You need, it's like something about getting into fucking meat space with people and like exchanging ideas and like being around people. 0.91

02:43:16.000 It like, it, it, it, uh. 0.99

02:43:18.000 It kind of shines a light in the shadowy darkness that can come into you if you've isolated yourself because you feel like you're a psychotic freak with insane ideas. 0.98

02:43:28.000 Instead of realizing, no, man, a lot of people are thinking this shit right now. 0.99

02:43:31.000 A lot of people are. 0.99

02:43:32.000 A lot of people are willing to entertain all sorts of alternative ideas.

02:43:36.000 You'd be amazed.

02:43:37.000 And they're around you.

02:43:38.000 Yeah.

02:43:38.000 Like our boy Matt Staggs.

02:43:40.000 Staggs. 0.99

02:43:41.000 He's living down in, where is he, Mississippi or some shit? 0.99

02:43:43.000 Yes. 0.98

02:43:43.000 Tennessee, something like that. 0.98

02:43:44.000 Yeah.

02:43:44.000 Which Nashville is in Tennessee.

02:43:46.000 Tennessee is awesome spots.

02:43:47.000 As does Mississippi. 0.98

02:43:48.000 But, you know, he doesn't want to fucking be there anymore. 0.98

02:43:50.000 Let's get out of there. 0.97

02:43:51.000 The internet.

02:43:52.000 The internet. 0.80

02:43:54.000 Well, I think Staggs is definitely on the precipice of some crazy shit happening, because he's definitely becoming a conduit for a lot of crazy ideas, and he always hooks me up with great guests. 0.88

02:44:07.000 Yeah, and he's running the Disinfo podcast, too. 0.94

02:44:09.000 Yeah, so that's happening.

02:44:10.000 I'm supposed to do that soon.

02:44:11.000 I have to get with him.

02:44:12.000 Yeah, we're living in a strange time of transition.

02:44:17.000 I'm really curious to see.

02:44:19.000 I think the whole Terrence McKenna 2012 thing, I always laughed.

02:44:26.000 I always thought it would be really cool if it was true. 0.90

02:44:29.000 But I'm way too stupid to really understand any of the science behind it, even if it's real or not, or the arguments behind it.

02:44:35.000 Like I saw the Watson disagreement, I think it was called, the Watson objection. 0.98

02:44:39.000 Watson objection was a mathematician who deciphered the time wave zero novelty theory and had his own objection to it.

02:44:48.000 They both lost me within the first paragraph. 0.99

02:44:50.000 I was like, I don't know what the fuck you're saying. 0.96

02:44:52.000 There's also less complex mathematical refutations to the theory. 0.99

02:44:56.000 And I've heard that just like, you know, leap year wasn't accounted for.

02:44:59.000 So 2012 happened some time ago.

02:45:01.000 Right. 0.69

02:45:02.000 So it's like, you know, again, but this is like people getting caught up in the surface level shit and trying to like, no, no, it's not going to happen on December 21st, 2012. But it's like, no, look what's happening around you. 0.95

02:45:14.000 I wonder if what they calculated when they calculated the Mayan calendars, besides, you know, the moons, rather the eclipse of the moon, eclipse of the sun, I wonder if they could calculate how long it would take For a culture to grow before it imploded.

02:45:32.000 I wonder if there's like just a set number.

02:45:35.000 Like a culture can only last.

02:45:38.000 It's like you can run and then you fall down.

02:45:40.000 And they figured that out a long time ago. 0.96

02:45:42.000 They're good for like these 10,000 year pulses or whatever the fuck it is. 0.93

02:45:46.000 No, there's a guy.

02:45:47.000 I bet if you googled extinction theorist right now, that's what he's called.

02:45:51.000 He's also the guy who's like into simulation theory too.

02:45:56.000 And he tries to answer that question while we haven't encountered alien species, and it is this notion that they implode in on themselves.

02:46:03.000 I can't remember.

02:46:04.000 It's on YouTube. 0.99

02:46:05.000 I wish I could remember his fucking name. 0.99

02:46:06.000 He's brilliant. 0.99

02:46:07.000 I put a clip of him on one of my podcasts, the same podcast that I was talking about.

02:46:12.000 The guy from the University of Maryland. 0.67

02:46:14.000 He was the one who was talking about the idea of vivisecting the human brain or slicing it into fucking thin layers to scan the neurology. 0.85

02:46:25.000 I've got no extinction theorist. 1.00

02:46:29.000 Shit, man. 1.00

02:46:30.000 I can't remember his fucking name. 1.00

02:46:31.000 He's brilliant. 1.00

02:46:31.000 There's evolutionary theory, of course. 1.00

02:46:34.000 But, um, last dinosaur, extinction theory. 0.99

02:46:37.000 No, if you look up simulation theory and, like, extinction theory, he, like, studies this shit. 0.87

02:46:42.000 It's a really weird, like, ways that we can, ways that our species could blink out. 0.98

02:46:49.000 Oh, so many ways.

02:46:52.000 Anyway. 1.00

02:46:55.000 What the fuck is his name, man? 1.00

02:46:57.000 He's goddamn brilliant. 1.00

02:46:59.000 Have you seen the impact of meteors, a meteor shower all over the world they discovered 12,000 years ago? 1.00

02:47:06.000 You told me about this shit and the sedimentary layers. 0.97

02:47:09.000 Yeah, they've done core samples and it's the same spot all over the globe. 1.00

02:47:12.000 And it's the same sort of shit that exists when you have nuclear bombs going off. 0.98

02:47:15.000 It makes like a glass. 1.00

02:47:19.000 The world got pelted by fucking giant chunks of rock that explode. 1.00

02:47:25.000 Think of the sound of that shit bursting through, breaking the fucking sound barrier as it goes rocketing down into the fucking earth. 1.00

02:47:32.000 Boom! 1.00

02:47:33.000 Boom! 1.00

02:47:34.000 That must have been fucked up, man. 0.99

02:47:36.000 I wonder if they had writing back then. 0.99

02:47:38.000 Because I don't know if we know that they had writing 12,000 years ago.

02:47:42.000 I know it all depended upon whether or not that event, that 12,000 year old event, was really the sort of mass extinction event that like Graham Hancock and a lot of people think might have happened to human culture, or humankind rather, the human species.

02:48:00.000 Because there's a lot of speculation about when is the oldest civilization.

02:48:04.000 They pretty much settle on Mesopotamia.

02:48:07.000 They settle on Sumer.

02:48:09.000 But the Sumerian text details a long-lost civilization, an older, advanced civilization.

02:48:15.000 They kind of all do.

02:48:17.000 They all talk about some dudes who existed before or really had it down.

02:48:21.000 Yeah.

02:48:21.000 And Sumer was supposed to be like 6,000-ish years ago.

02:48:24.000 So imagine if that's what it was.

02:48:26.000 It's a 6,000-year trek from the time that they got pelted.

02:48:30.000 We can't even wrap our heads around how long that is.

02:48:33.000 That's so long ago, but yet nothing.

02:48:36.000 In the greater spectrum of the universe, nothing. 0.94

02:48:39.000 But in the idea of our lifetime, 6,000 years is a long fucking time ago.

02:48:46.000 And they talked about an old civilization, an old ancient civilization that existed that was wiped out.

02:48:52.000 The Epic of Gilgamesh, which is essentially very similar to the Noah's Ark story about cataclysmics.

02:48:58.000 The flood.

02:48:58.000 Yeah, floods.

02:48:59.000 Yeah, they probably experienced some fucking nutty shit, man. 1.00

02:49:03.000 Probably killed almost everybody. 1.00

02:49:04.000 That probably explains a lot of shit. 1.00

02:49:08.000 A lot of shit all over the world. 0.99

02:49:10.000 Like Gobekli Tepe, all these weird structures that they're fighting from pre-12,000 years. 0.99

02:49:16.000 Gobekli Temple is 14,000 years ago.

02:49:19.000 That means in Sumer, the really old shit in Sumer is like 6,000 plus years ago, 7,000 plus years ago. 0.91

02:49:27.000 This is double that. 0.98

02:49:29.000 So this is as old to Sumer as we are to Sumer.

02:49:35.000 As Sumer is to us. 1.00

02:49:36.000 That's fucked. 1.00

02:49:37.000 That's the distance. 1.00

02:49:38.000 That's so heavy.

02:49:39.000 The distance of people writing on clay tablets in scratches, in these little scratches, up and down and sideways, that was their whole language.

02:49:49.000 And the idea that they wrote of something from 7,000 years previous, maybe.

02:49:55.000 And that's what Gobekli Tepe shows.

02:49:56.000 It shows that there was a sophisticated civilization from 7,000 years prior to the people in Sumer and the people in Mesopotamia.

02:50:04.000 7,000 years earlier they were making these 19 foot tall gigantic stone columns.

02:50:11.000 They were carved with animals that were carved in a relief so that like they stuck out, which is a really sophisticated method of carving.

02:50:20.000 You're not carving into the stone.

02:50:22.000 You're actually making a relief.

02:50:24.000 It sticks out.

02:50:25.000 So you chipped all the rest of the stone away to reveal this frog and to reveal this bird.

02:50:31.000 This is really sophisticated stuff.

02:50:33.000 It's hard for people to wrap their heads around it. 0.97

02:50:35.000 So when they start talking about hunter and gatherers from wearing skins around their dick, that these are the ones that built this? 0.99

02:50:41.000 Boy, I don't know. 0.99

02:50:42.000 You might have more evidence of the fact that there might have been some really super advanced cultures that got fucking pelted. 0.98

02:50:52.000 Just wiped out everybody. 0.98

02:50:54.000 No talking anymore.

02:50:56.000 Changed languages. 1.00

02:50:57.000 No fucking written shit. 1.00

02:50:59.000 The dark times. 1.00

02:51:01.000 The fucking road. 1.00

02:51:02.000 It was like the road. 1.00

02:51:03.000 Worse.

02:51:03.000 Nuclear ash falling down.

02:51:06.000 Just fucking decimation. 0.99

02:51:09.000 Well, by studying genetics, I believe that they've found several extinction events in the human genome, like they've isolated several events. 1.00

02:51:18.000 I don't understand the science behind this, so I really am talking like extremely deep out of my ass.

02:51:23.000 But I believe they've shown that when studying the DNA from different human beings of all over the world, they've concluded that there have been several times where the human species has gotten very low, as low as like a few thousand people. 0.97

02:51:39.000 And that, you know, we probably had a big number and then a much smaller number.

02:51:43.000 And it got as low as a few thousand people, and then we had to recover. 0.96

02:51:46.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.80

02:51:47.000 It's amazing what they found out just by studying genes, you know? 0.98

02:51:50.000 Well, isn't this kind of like one of the ideas of, like, the Freemasons or the Rosy Crucians or the secret societies is that the information from a very long time ago has been kept secret?

02:52:04.000 Yes.

02:52:04.000 And it's like, but they kind of work...

02:52:08.000 Signs to each other.

02:52:09.000 They work symbols into the architecture of society.

02:52:12.000 Right. 1.00

02:52:13.000 Which is that fucking crazy, goddamn... 1.00

02:52:16.000 If you look at the street configurations of Washington, D.C. Have you seen that shit where it's like an anatomically correct eyeball looking out over a pyramid just like the eye and the dollar bill? 1.00

02:52:29.000 I mean, come on, dude. 0.99

02:52:31.000 How would you describe that if I was going to Google that?

02:52:34.000 Masonic symbols in D.C. I don't know.

02:52:38.000 Washington, D.C. Masonic Washington, D.C. roads?

02:52:41.000 I guess?

02:52:42.000 I don't know.

02:52:43.000 I'm a little too stoned to Google.

02:52:46.000 I'm going to go with Masonic symbols in D.C. Yep, here it is.

02:52:50.000 Yeah, they have it laid out.

02:52:54.000 Yeah.

02:52:55.000 Wow.

02:52:56.000 I mean, that's like, you gotta really believe them.

02:52:59.000 They have a pentagram.

02:52:59.000 Yeah, there's a pentagram in there.

02:53:01.000 There's a fucking optic nerve. 1.00

02:53:03.000 That's so strange. 1.00

02:53:04.000 Yeah, there's an eye.

02:53:06.000 There's an optic nerve, an eye.

02:53:07.000 There's a pentagram. 0.96

02:53:10.000 It's real weird when you look at, like, the money, and you see the fucking all-seeing eye in a pyramid on, you know, the cap of the pyramid is the all-seeing eye. 0.97

02:53:18.000 Like, what are you saying, man? 0.98

02:53:19.000 I mean, look, man, printing it on money, okay, but how about putting it into the goddamn geography of the fucking capital of the country that you made... 0.99

02:53:29.000 Trying to embody the ideals that, you know, you knew. 0.99

02:53:33.000 And you've encoded into the fucking very patterns. 0.99

02:53:37.000 I mean, look, man, there's a goddamn monolith, the Washington Monument, an obelisk, an Egyptian fucking obelisk rising up out of our nation's capital. 1.00

02:53:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:53:47.000 Remember how the Egyptians helped with the Revolutionary War?

02:53:52.000 Oh yeah, they were there for us.

02:53:53.000 Yeah, they came over!

02:53:55.000 They provided us with...

02:53:56.000 What's even crazier is that Egypt at one point in time was thriving and then there was nothing there.

02:54:05.000 They showed up and the Sphinx was covered up to its neck. 0.93

02:54:09.000 Like during the age of Napoleon, when they first found it, it was like fucking everything was abandoned. 0.92

02:54:14.000 They'd already looted all these different tombs. 0.99

02:54:16.000 Who knows how much really incredible shit was melted down for gold baubles and shit when they didn't understand historical worth. 0.98

02:54:23.000 Well, I mean, dude, like, one thing that, like, over time, that time has proven again and again and again is that shit doesn't always work out great for the smart people with good ideas. 1.00

02:54:36.000 You end up getting thrown into basements by dumb people who are like, what the fuck are you talking about, Galileo? 0.99

02:54:43.000 They end up imprisoning you. 1.00

02:54:44.000 Sometimes they crucify you.

02:54:45.000 Sometimes they embarrass you.

02:54:47.000 Sometimes they take away your property.

02:54:49.000 So over time, really smart people were like, you know what? 1.00

02:54:53.000 Why don't we just fucking keep this shit to ourselves? 1.00

02:54:56.000 Well, you know, that's the theory behind mushrooms and the church. 1.00

02:55:04.000 That's the theory.

02:55:06.000 I mean, a lot of this was Jan Irvin's work and another dude who died who turned out to be a child molester.

02:55:12.000 But he did a lot of really good work with mushrooms, with the historical.

02:55:17.000 And he was writing a book with Jack Herrer when he got arrested for being a child molester, this guy. 0.66

02:55:23.000 It fucked up Jack Herrer because it fucked up the research.

02:55:25.000 And it really sort of invalidated in a lot of people's ideas, like this work that this guy had done. 0.58

02:55:30.000 But they have so many images and photos of ancient religious art that involved mushroom symbolism.

02:55:37.000 When you looked at it over and over and over again, you're like, oh my god, this is so obvious.

02:55:41.000 First of all, the halos? 0.93

02:55:42.000 The halos did not look like the Frisbee thing. 0.95

02:55:45.000 The hula hoop?

02:55:46.000 Yes.

02:55:47.000 They looked like a mushroom cap, and they were circular behind the person's head.

02:55:51.000 And the idea was to insinuate that that person, that holy person, was under the influence of God, under the influence of the mushrooms.

02:55:57.000 Yes, and that's totally believable and that makes a lot of sense.

02:56:00.000 Totally believable.

02:56:01.000 And the images of the doors, they're shaped like mushrooms.

02:56:04.000 Doorways are shaped like mushrooms.

02:56:05.000 Mushroom symbolism in so many different places.

02:56:07.000 And there were so many images of people in bliss, naked in bliss, covered in a mushroom.

02:56:13.000 They would be in a transparent mushroom. 1.00

02:56:15.000 These are like fucking ancient paintings, man. 0.99

02:56:17.000 Well, I mean, yeah, it's definitely like, we do know that they're encoded into the fucking framework of our society and the goddamn architecture of our society with some very odd symbols. 0.99

02:56:28.000 Like, if you look at the cathedrals, you will find Gnostic symbols. 0.98

02:56:34.000 Chicken gods, Abraxas, you can see Abraxas in some cathedrals. 0.53

02:56:38.000 What is a chicken god? 1.00

02:56:39.000 It's some Gnostic fucking god. 0.99

02:56:40.000 You can Wikipedia. 0.99

02:56:41.000 Abraxas. 0.99

02:56:42.000 It happens to be the same name of the company doing this goddamn trapwire shit, too. 1.00

02:56:47.000 No way. 0.99

02:56:47.000 Yeah, look up Abraxas. 0.99

02:56:48.000 Gnostic Abraxas. 0.62

02:56:49.000 A chicken-headed guy.

02:56:50.000 How do you spell it?

02:56:51.000 A-B-R-A-X. Abraxas.

02:56:54.000 Abraxas.

02:56:55.000 Gnostic.

02:56:56.000 Wikipedia. 0.99

02:57:00.000 For some reason, the creepiest goddamn information-gathering surveillance company that's ever climbed out of the shadows or been exposed happened to name themselves after a Gnostic God with a chicken head. 1.00

02:57:13.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:57:15.000 Yeah, go figure. 1.00

02:57:17.000 A chicken god.

02:57:18.000 Wow, this thing is freaky looking.

02:57:19.000 Yeah, it's freaky looking.

02:57:20.000 And that's in cathedrals.

02:57:22.000 A lot of these symbols, the cathedrals were apparently...

02:57:29.000 I read this in...

02:57:30.000 I can't remember the name. 0.97

02:57:31.000 It's one of Graham Hancock's books that fucking Staggs sent me because he's trying to drive me insane. 0.81

02:57:36.000 But one of the... 0.99

02:57:40.000 But yeah, in this fucking book, it talks about how the cathedrals were like a nexus where... 0.99

02:57:46.000 It doesn't show it as a chicken, man. 0.99

02:57:48.000 It shows it as a man.

02:57:49.000 I've seen the one with the chicken.

02:57:51.000 It's definitely a chicken.

02:57:52.000 Oh, that's weird because this image is a man.

02:57:55.000 Look, Google Abraxas chicken.

02:57:57.000 Okay. 1.00

02:57:59.000 Best Gnostic chicken in fucking Nashville. 1.00

02:58:01.000 It's a great name for a fucking chicken joint. 1.00

02:58:03.000 It is, man. 1.00

02:58:04.000 Abraxas chicken.

02:58:06.000 Chicken god?

02:58:07.000 Chicken god. 0.92

02:58:08.000 Yeah, just Abraxas chicken.

02:58:09.000 It's got chicken head.

02:58:10.000 Hmm.

02:58:16.000 No.

02:58:17.000 I'm looking it on my phone.

02:58:18.000 I'm looking for chicken.

02:58:19.000 Abraxas.

02:58:19.000 It comes up right away.

02:58:20.000 Let's see.

02:58:22.000 Abraxas, it comes up.

02:58:23.000 Do an image search.

02:58:24.000 But the chicken doesn't come up.

02:58:25.000 Do an image search.

02:58:28.000 Oh, yeah, and the images is one of them where it looks like a chicken. 0.99

02:58:30.000 It's a fucking chicken. 0.99

02:58:31.000 Well, it's crazy, though. 1.00

02:58:33.000 It's a chicken holding a...

02:58:34.000 A whip.

02:58:35.000 A mallet.

02:58:36.000 Yeah, what are those things?

02:58:37.000 A shield on one side? 1.00

02:58:38.000 Wow, what a fucking freak animal. 1.00

02:58:41.000 Yeah, it's freaky. 1.00

02:58:43.000 Jesus Christ.

02:58:44.000 And what year is this from?

02:58:45.000 I have no idea.

02:58:47.000 So they were high when they came out with that, right?

02:58:49.000 Yeah, there's no other...

02:58:50.000 A chicken with a shield?

02:58:51.000 Chicken god. 0.92

02:58:52.000 How are you getting a chicken?

02:58:53.000 You're definitely baked if you're drawing a chicken with a shield! 1.00

02:58:56.000 You're high as fuck with this chicken god. 0.99

02:58:58.000 Wow, there's all these crazy images of it where it looked like a harpy or something. 1.00

02:59:03.000 No, read the Wikipedia entry a little bit, because Gnostic shit's very strange. 0.99

02:59:07.000 Just read a little passage from there, because it's really odd. 0.87

02:59:11.000 It's real mysterious.

02:59:14.000 Abraxis.

02:59:15.000 Abraxis.

02:59:17.000 Far more common in the sources than the variant from Abraxas.

02:59:21.000 Oh, they're using Greek letters.

02:59:24.000 The word of mystic meaning in the system of the Gnostic basilides.

02:59:31.000 B-A-S-I-L-I-D-E-S Being there applied to the great Archon, A-R-C-R-N? Archon, one of the greatest C64 games.

02:59:41.000 Really?

02:59:44.000 Gnostic cosmology, blah, blah, blah, the seven letters spelling its name, represent each of the seven classic planets.

02:59:51.000 Wow, the words of its, the letters represent planets.

02:59:55.000 The sun, the moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 16, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #255 - Duncan Trussell

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Transcript