The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #270 - Kevin Pereira

00:00:00.000 It is live.

00:00:01.000 It was live already.

00:00:03.000 I was watching it.

00:00:04.000 Yeah, the recording thing was flashing.

00:00:06.000 It wasn't recording. 1.00

00:00:07.000 Son of a bitch recording. 1.00

00:00:09.000 Standing by for speed. 1.00

00:00:10.000 You stream thing. 1.00

00:00:11.000 You fuck. 1.00

00:00:12.000 You substitution for the expensive... 1.00

00:00:17.000 What is it that my buddy Justin used?

00:00:19.000 Yeah, TriCaster. 1.00

00:00:20.000 That's supposed to be the shit. 1.00

00:00:21.000 Yeah, they're awesome. 0.99

00:00:21.000 The Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by many things in which we love... 0.99

00:00:27.000 One of them is Audible.com.

00:00:31.000 Audible.com is something that I have used for many, many a moon, and Audible occasionally sponsors this podcast.

00:00:40.000 If you have never been to Audible.com, what Audible.com is, is it has a plethora of great...

00:00:50.000 Like, books on tape.

00:00:52.000 People who, like Steve Martin, read his book.

00:00:56.000 Didn't he read his book on tape?

00:00:57.000 Yeah, and it's one of the best ones.

00:00:59.000 I use Audible a lot, and that's one of my favorite books on tapes ever.

00:01:03.000 Yeah, and there's so many of them, so many great books there.

00:01:07.000 They also have the one book that I recommend to people on a regular basis, which is The War of Art.

00:01:13.000 For any creative people, any creative types who are trying to overcome procrastination or blocks or whatever, This guy, Steven Pressfield, calls Resistance.

00:01:25.000 It's a really brilliant, brilliant book and it is available on tape as well.

00:01:29.000 I think that Audible books are amazing and even better than, in my opinion, than regular books because what I use them for is when I'm stuck doing other things that do...

00:01:41.000 You know, if you're on a plane, you're essentially wasting time.

00:01:44.000 Unless I'm riding on a plane or... 0.97

00:01:45.000 Or unless I'm getting actual work done, it's a fucking huge waste of time.

00:01:50.000 But you can read an awesome book on a plane and get an educational experience, get an enriching and exciting experience. 0.58

00:01:57.000 The commute, same thing.

00:01:59.000 And the beautiful thing about Audible is you can download it to your iPod, you can play it in your car, you can play it at the gym.

00:02:06.000 It's just an awesome service.

00:02:08.000 And if you go to Audible.com Joe...

00:02:10.000 I don't know what happens when you go there.

00:02:13.000 It's probably better.

00:02:14.000 Check this out.

00:02:14.000 Here's a sample from...

00:02:15.000 Oh, you can try Audible free for 30 days.

00:02:18.000 That's what happens.

00:02:18.000 You get a free audio book and you get to try Audible free.

00:02:21.000 That is not really Audible.com.

00:02:24.000 Oh, that's Steve Martin.

00:02:25.000 Is that Steve Martin playing his banjo?

00:02:26.000 Yeah, it's Steve Martin playing his banjo.

00:02:28.000 He's just picking, bro.

00:02:29.000 Let him pick.

00:02:30.000 Listen, he'll... 1.00

00:02:31.000 He's a bad motherfucker, Steve Martin. 0.99

00:02:33.000 One of the underrated comedians... 1.00

00:02:36.000 I did stand-up comedy for 18 years.

00:02:39.000 Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four were spent in wild success.

00:02:46.000 My most persistent memory of Steve.

00:02:48.000 Stop it right here.

00:02:49.000 I'm going to get a boner and I'm going to want to hear the whole thing.

00:02:51.000 I know.

00:02:51.000 Yeah, I need to get that.

00:02:53.000 You know what?

00:02:53.000 I'm going to get that.

00:02:54.000 That just got me excited just hearing him. 0.95

00:02:56.000 I fucking love people even talking about comedy. 0.93

00:02:58.000 Have you not read that book? 0.98

00:02:58.000 Brian gave it to me. 0.98

00:02:59.000 Oh, it's great.

00:03:00.000 Many years ago.

00:03:00.000 But hearing him talk about it is better.

00:03:02.000 It's better than the book.

00:03:03.000 He talks about the Ice House.

00:03:04.000 He started up here in the Ice House. 0.99

00:03:05.000 Yeah, the Ice House is fucking the bomb diggity. 0.99

00:03:08.000 Anyway. 0.98

00:03:08.000 Go to Audible.com forward slash Joe and what you get is you can try Audible free for 30 days and you get a free audiobook. 0.98

00:03:17.000 So check that shit out, bitches. 1.00

00:03:19.000 And if you want to get a sexy t-shirt like the one I'm sporting here, you got to go to Desquad.tv, son. 1.00

00:03:24.000 Desquad.tv is where...

00:03:26.000 That's the original shirt.

00:03:27.000 This is original.

00:03:28.000 This is the OG kitty cat that is tattooed on numerous people.

00:03:33.000 All throughout the land.

00:03:34.000 And Kevin Pereira, our friend, is holding up.

00:03:37.000 That is the new one.

00:03:38.000 That is my favorite cat.

00:03:39.000 That creepy cat. 0.90

00:03:40.000 That cat creeps the fuck out of me. 0.97

00:03:43.000 It's like playing spot the copyright violation. 0.73

00:03:46.000 I just love adding him up in this shirt.

00:03:48.000 I'm not down with that.

00:03:49.000 Who's going to sue today?

00:03:50.000 But the cat is free.

00:03:51.000 It's a remix, Joe.

00:03:52.000 It's a remix.

00:03:52.000 But the cat's not a remix.

00:03:53.000 That cat's dope as fuck. 1.00

00:03:54.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:03:55.000 Of course.

00:03:55.000 Anyway, thank you everybody who came out to Toronto.

00:03:59.000 I saw the Dust Squad t-shirts.

00:04:00.000 I saw the Hire Primate t-shirts too, my t-shirt company I never even mentioned.

00:04:04.000 I'm the worst promoter ever for my own company.

00:04:06.000 Hire-primate.com is my t-shirt company.

00:04:09.000 If you go there, it's all t-shirts with monkeys and mushrooms.

00:04:12.000 It's monkeys and psychedelic drugs.

00:04:14.000 And I've got more coming.

00:04:16.000 I've got some new ideas. 0.92

00:04:17.000 I'm retarded, okay? 0.90

00:04:18.000 There's something wrong with me. 0.92

00:04:19.000 Obviously.

00:04:20.000 I'm a grown man with children of my own.

00:04:21.000 I have a t-shirt company that's about monkeys and drugs. 0.99

00:04:25.000 We're out of a lot of sizes right now, but we've got new shit coming in. 0.98

00:04:28.000 They sell so quick that I don't talk about them. 0.97

00:04:30.000 This is how lazy I am.

00:04:31.000 I don't talk about them because I don't want to have to replenish my supply and call people. 1.00

00:04:37.000 It's a pain in the ass. 0.99

00:04:38.000 Yeah, but this is my company. 0.98

00:04:41.000 Desquad.tv is Brian's company, so when you buy these things, these are directly supporting us.

00:04:45.000 I also have a piece of Onnit.com.

00:04:47.000 Onnit.com is the company that we've been working with for years now and selling nutritional supplements.

00:04:54.000 And I tell everybody.

00:04:55.000 And that's another thing that I've had come up to me on the road that is just humbling and amazing and inspiring.

00:05:02.000 How many people have come up to me and said they've lost a shitload of weight since they started listening to this podcast?

00:05:08.000 They think about things differently, that they're eating kale shakes every day.

00:05:11.000 I'm a big proponent of nutrition.

00:05:14.000 There's a huge difference between the way I feel when I'm eating healthy and when I feel when I'm not. 0.99

00:05:18.000 Your body needs a bunch of shit to run good. 0.96

00:05:21.000 And science has isolated the ones that affect your mind in a very positive way. 0.99

00:05:25.000 And these are called nootropics.

00:05:27.000 And what they essentially do is they help your brain produce more human neurotransmitters.

00:05:32.000 It makes your brain fire quicker.

00:05:34.000 It makes your brain... 0.98

00:05:35.000 You know the days when you just feel fucking shitty where you can't come up with names and you're scrambling? 0.99

00:05:40.000 Your brain's like firing bad. 0.97

00:05:42.000 It's just like...

00:05:43.000 They're not coming out.

00:05:45.000 Even like a normal word. 1.00

00:05:47.000 Alpha brain prevents all that shit. 1.00

00:05:49.000 For me. 0.99

00:05:50.000 It doesn't work for everybody. 0.99

00:05:51.000 If you're fucking smoking cigarettes and not taking care of yourself, I don't know how much it's going to affect you. 0.99

00:05:55.000 But it's like smacking the turbo button on an old 486 tower. 1.00

00:05:58.000 For me, it has a big effect. 0.94

00:06:01.000 I fucking love this stuff. 0.95

00:06:02.000 I take it every day. 0.99

00:06:03.000 I also take Shroom Tech Sport.

00:06:04.000 It's a Cordyceps mushroom supplement that we sell.

00:06:07.000 Cordyceps mushroom has been showed to aid your body's ability to process oxygen and it gives people more endurance.

00:06:14.000 It was sort of discovered by high-altitude herders.

00:06:16.000 They found that their cows were eating these mushrooms, and they had more activity, so people started eating them. 0.98

00:06:21.000 And it's some crazy cryptic process where you have to grow this mold on the back of a fucking caterpillar. 0.99

00:06:27.000 It's really, yeah, it's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:06:30.000 Google it, or go to Onnit.com. 0.79

00:06:32.000 All the questions, all the important, all the answers, rather, to the important questions that I'm sure you have if you're smart. 1.00

00:06:38.000 All these questions cannot be answered by a moron like myself. 0.99

00:06:42.000 When I tell you all these things about human neurotransmitters, I don't really know what I'm saying. 1.00

00:06:46.000 I'm just sort of repeating things.

00:06:47.000 You've read a PDF that knows exactly what it was saying.

00:06:49.000 Yeah, I know what that says.

00:06:52.000 I can regurgitate paragraph three and it sounds science-y. 0.99

00:06:55.000 I can sound smart as fuck, son. 0.97

00:06:57.000 But if you told me to spot, you know, like, okay, and the neurotransmitters do what exactly? 1.00

00:07:02.000 I'd be like, well, they make you fucking awesome. 0.90

00:07:05.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:07:06.000 I'm going to put that on a t-shirt with some monkeys and sell it.

00:07:09.000 Yeah, I don't have any answers to those questions.

00:07:11.000 We also sell kettlebells and battle ropes.

00:07:14.000 We have hemp protein powder that we sell that is the very finest hemp protein powder on earth.

00:07:20.000 It has raw cocoa in it and maca in it.

00:07:22.000 I need some of that. 0.99

00:07:22.000 It's fucking strong. 0.99

00:07:23.000 I'll have it sent to you. 0.99

00:07:24.000 Let me know. 0.99

00:07:25.000 Look, the way we have it at Onnit is that we're trying to sell you the very best shit possible. 0.98

00:07:32.000 Everything we sell is the highest quality. 0.98

00:07:34.000 And it's not all cheap, but it's the best you can get.

00:07:37.000 And for the nutritional supplements, for the first 30 pills, you get a 100% money-back guarantee.

00:07:41.000 If you try Alpha Brain, you don't feel like it's doing anything for you.

00:07:44.000 Your money's refunded.

00:07:45.000 You don't even have to return the product.

00:07:46.000 No one's trying to rip you off.

00:07:47.000 We are just only trying to sell you the things that I use, the things that if you can afford them, they are the very best ones available.

00:07:53.000 The kettlebells, the Troy kettlebells, they are the very best kettlebells available.

00:07:57.000 Battle ropes, the very best available.

00:07:59.000 Most of it is the cheapest we can sell.

00:08:01.000 The battle ropes are the cheapest you can find on the internet.

00:08:03.000 The kettlebells are right up there, literally as low as we can price them without losing money selling them.

00:08:08.000 So this is all like super high-end stuff, and if you use a code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements.

00:08:14.000 That sounds like a real commercial.

00:08:16.000 It's so boring.

00:08:16.000 I want, like, you need an 80s style.

00:08:18.000 Remember how they used to sell action figures in the 80s with kids busting through like foam brick walls and shit like that?

00:08:23.000 You need something like that for battle ropes. 0.84

00:08:24.000 Hmm.

00:08:25.000 Battle ropes! 0.70

00:08:28.000 I'm going to take you down with my battle rope, Jimmy! 0.99

00:08:30.000 And then there's a smoke machine that fires up.

00:08:32.000 We need like an old commercial, like one of those Atlas commercials, where he's on the beach and someone kicks sand in his face. 1.00

00:08:38.000 And he's like, you motherfucker! 0.99

00:08:39.000 And he picks up the ropes and you see his muscles just growing up. 1.00

00:08:45.000 Take that and never do well.

00:08:46.000 When you think about the movements of battle ropes, it's totally like chimpanzee movements when they're beating the shit out of something.

00:08:51.000 Or when they were clubbing a bride to drive back to the cave. 0.62

00:08:54.000 It's definitely primal.

00:08:56.000 It's good for Hammerfist, too. 0.82

00:08:58.000 Boom.

00:08:58.000 Kevin Pereira is here.

00:09:00.000 You dirty bitches. 1.00

00:09:01.000 Buckle the fuck up, kids. 1.00

00:09:03.000 Strap yourself in. 0.96

00:09:04.000 We're ready to launch!

00:09:07.000 I finished.

00:09:09.000 I'm in the refractory period.

00:09:10.000 I need ice.

00:09:12.000 Train by day.

00:09:13.000 Joe Rogan podcast by night.

00:09:14.000 All day.

00:09:15.000 All night. 1.00

00:09:16.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:09:17.000 All day, all night, all day, son. 1.00

00:09:21.000 Controversy all over the world, ladies and gentlemen.

00:09:23.000 I'm clapping for myself.

00:09:23.000 I'm clapping for you.

00:09:24.000 I'm clapping for this fucking day. 1.00

00:09:26.000 Pereira is here, bitches. 1.00

00:09:27.000 Respect. 0.98

00:09:28.000 Dude, it's so nice to see you again, my friend.

00:09:30.000 It's so good to see you as well, sir.

00:09:31.000 You have abandoned your spot on television like a real G and stepped out into the real world, man. 0.98

00:09:37.000 That takes balls. 1.00

00:09:38.000 I pulled the cord and slammed through the glass canopy. 0.97

00:09:40.000 For folks who don't know, Kevin was the host of Attack of the Show on G4 for, Jesus, how many years?

00:09:48.000 God, I was with the network for ten years, and I hosted Attack for six.

00:09:52.000 When did I first do your show?

00:09:53.000 What year was it?

00:09:54.000 We were probably two or three years into it.

00:09:57.000 So, 2007 or something like that?

00:09:58.000 Give or take, sure.

00:09:59.000 Seven or eight?

00:10:00.000 Yeah.

00:10:01.000 And we've been friends ever since, and Kevin's on the podcast several times.

00:10:05.000 We went to Things Remembered after the first show, and we got one of those little heartbreak necklaces.

00:10:10.000 Mine has B-E on it and F-R-I, and you have the other letters, and we put it together.

00:10:14.000 We summon a very sexual Captain Planet.

00:10:16.000 I'm going to make Brian jealous right now.

00:10:18.000 Brian has the arrow that goes through the heart.

00:10:21.000 Right to the knee.

00:10:23.000 Which one is the male and which one is the female? 0.96

00:10:25.000 Is the male the arrow that goes through the heart?

00:10:28.000 The circle? 0.99

00:10:29.000 The male has two circles at the bottom to represent testicles. 0.99

00:10:33.000 Really? 0.99

00:10:33.000 It should. 0.99

00:10:37.000 Write your own Google.

00:10:39.000 Update the wiki. 0.99

00:10:40.000 I'm pretty sure I got the answers to this bitch. 1.00

00:10:43.000 It totally should, right? 1.00

00:10:45.000 It should look like a dick. 0.99

00:10:46.000 Why does it have to be the symbol for mail? 0.99

00:10:49.000 Who designed those things?

00:10:50.000 It was probably someone who really couldn't draw that well, so we said, here's a stick with a loop, and we'll call that the mail.

00:10:56.000 I bet it was a dude who designed Prince's thing when he stopped being a person.

00:10:59.000 I need a symbol.

00:11:01.000 I think that was a legal thing, though. 0.98

00:11:03.000 I think that was one of those record companies fucking you over things. 0.98

00:11:07.000 Well, I'll tell you what, if you just have a symbol, your music is fucking hard to torrent. 0.98

00:11:10.000 Yeah, super hard.

00:11:11.000 If you're just like, Alt-J uses a triangle, and thankfully you can type in Alt-J, but if you just have to type the triangle, that requires extended ASCII knowledge.

00:11:18.000 My dad's not going to pirate that album.

00:11:20.000 Way too hard.

00:11:21.000 Yeah, how would you draw that print symbol?

00:11:23.000 You would have to get a font made up, and then someone would have to agree to assign a key to that font, and the OS would have to be changed.

00:11:30.000 Right?

00:11:30.000 IOS 6.5.

00:11:32.000 That will have the emoji and Prince icon set.

00:11:35.000 I don't think it's necessary.

00:11:36.000 I think he's Prince again.

00:11:38.000 What are you doing over there?

00:11:40.000 What are you doing over there? 0.99

00:11:42.000 I think it's the old screensaver shit. 0.99

00:11:44.000 That's funny. 0.99

00:11:44.000 I went on Leo Laporte's show. 0.99

00:11:45.000 That was wild.

00:11:46.000 Leo Laporte was awesome, man.

00:11:48.000 I used to love that show. 1.00

00:11:49.000 My wife would get so mad at me for watching that stupid show. 1.00

00:11:51.000 Which one did you watch? 1.00

00:11:52.000 Screensavers or Call for Help?

00:11:54.000 Screensavers.

00:11:54.000 She was like, this is so boring.

00:11:56.000 Well, that was the thing.

00:11:57.000 I loved it.

00:11:58.000 I was a super fan of tech TV and Leos and everything they did, but it's wild the notion that on television, where they're trying to reach a very broad audience, there was an hour, sometimes five-hour marathon-long show of like, you got a problem with your printer driver?

00:12:11.000 Okay, what Model HP do you have?

00:12:13.000 Alright, let's check some DLL files.

00:12:15.000 I'm like, what?

00:12:16.000 Talk about narrowcasting. 0.99

00:12:17.000 They're spending 30 minutes helping one person with their fucking printer driver. 0.99

00:12:21.000 And I loved it. 0.99

00:12:22.000 It was awesome.

00:12:23.000 I learned so much.

00:12:23.000 It taught me a lot.

00:12:24.000 Yeah, it did me as well.

00:12:25.000 I think we underestimate people's attention spans for these type of things.

00:12:30.000 I really do.

00:12:31.000 I think people are very curious about those kind of things.

00:12:34.000 And some folks aren't.

00:12:35.000 Look, there was a UFC this weekend. 0.58

00:12:37.000 Where these guys fought for the flyweight title, and it was a fucking amazing fight between Joseph Benavidez and this guy, Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson, who wanted to win a decision. 0.87

00:12:47.000 And the crowd was booing. 0.91

00:12:48.000 They were booing. 1.00

00:12:50.000 These guys were fucking throwing down. 1.00

00:12:53.000 They want to see the big power shots. 0.99

00:12:55.000 Exactly.

00:12:55.000 They want to see someone get knocked unconscious.

00:12:57.000 It was so gross. 0.99

00:12:59.000 It was such a plethora of dummies. 0.98

00:13:02.000 It was so hard.

00:13:03.000 So it's like you're never gonna get away from that.

00:13:05.000 You're always gonna have a certain percentage.

00:13:07.000 You can train people to have certain viewing habits and expectations and that's what like the Google YouTube channels that came out.

00:13:14.000 Some people are doing 30, 40 minute long shows on YouTube that are actually doing pretty well and that kind of behavior a year ago was unheard of.

00:13:22.000 The notion that someone would stare at this To stream video for an hour or half hour to watch a web show was unheard of.

00:13:27.000 So people can be trained to have different expectations of running times and length.

00:13:31.000 So you can manipulate attention spans, essentially.

00:13:35.000 It can be done.

00:13:36.000 Yes.

00:13:36.000 Well, I don't think it's really manipulating attention spans.

00:13:39.000 I think we're underestimating people's interests in things.

00:13:42.000 When we started doing the podcast, everybody told Brian and I that we had to shorten it.

00:13:46.000 I couldn't agree more.

00:13:47.000 You have these long-ass conversations, man.

00:13:49.000 You've got to shorten it.

00:13:50.000 I still agree.

00:13:52.000 I was like, there's no way.

00:13:53.000 I go, I don't get it.

00:13:54.000 It's a conversation.

00:13:55.000 If you don't like it, you shut it off.

00:13:57.000 If you don't have any more time left, you shut it off.

00:13:59.000 There's no obligation to continue with this conversation, but I want...

00:14:04.000 I like conversations that I have with my friends when we're up for a couple hours smoking pot or something like that and we have these really intense moments where I'm being aided by his intellect and he's introducing thoughts to my mind.

00:14:18.000 There's a real regeneration and refreshing of the mind when you have these kind of conversations.

00:14:23.000 Even if you're just talking stone shit about simulation theory and whether or not mushrooms really are a portal to another dimension. 1.00

00:14:32.000 Just stupid. 0.99

00:14:33.000 The shit that comes out at hour two and a half, around that mark, is when you get there, which is why you'll never see those kind of conversations on a late night talk show where you have three and a half minutes, plug your movie, get to the clip, get out, and go. 1.00

00:14:44.000 People don't realize the fun in just shooting the shit with cool people. 0.99

00:14:49.000 And that's when someone said that they were too long. 1.00

00:14:52.000 I'm like, you're crazy.

00:14:54.000 Just because everybody else is doing an hour doesn't mean it has to be an hour. 0.98

00:14:58.000 That's nuts.

00:14:59.000 Giving them too much is way better than not giving them enough. 1.00

00:15:02.000 The idea is to just put out the best shit you can put out. 0.99

00:15:05.000 And if you could keep going after two hours, why wouldn't you keep going? 0.99

00:15:10.000 This is what you're trying to do, right?

00:15:11.000 You're trying to tune people into this real conversation.

00:15:15.000 It's kind of one of the reasons that I actually ended up having to leave ATT&CK. I mean, there were a myriad reasons, but one of those things was I was getting a chance to meet so many fascinating people who I was passionate about and wanted to talk with, and I was given four minutes live with them.

00:15:27.000 Dude, you need a podcast.

00:15:27.000 And it's my first time saying hello.

00:15:29.000 You need a podcast yesterday.

00:15:30.000 In the works, sure. 1.00

00:15:31.000 Fuck the works. 1.00

00:15:33.000 In the works. 1.00

00:15:33.000 Dude, you need to do one tonight, right after this podcast. 1.00

00:15:36.000 I'll be your first guest on your podcast.

00:15:37.000 This isn't me tugging off strangers.

00:15:38.000 This is me spinning plates, alright?

00:15:40.000 I know.

00:15:41.000 I got a couple in the air right.

00:15:42.000 I'm sure you do.

00:15:43.000 But what I'm saying is your gift is that you're an intelligent, curious guy.

00:15:48.000 I mean, one of your gifts, obviously.

00:15:49.000 You're a brilliant guy. 1.00

00:15:49.000 Talk about my eyes, asshole. 1.00

00:15:50.000 I love your face, too. 1.00

00:15:51.000 You're handsome.

00:15:52.000 You have great bone structure.

00:15:53.000 Apple Maps cannot navigate you out of here if you get lost.

00:15:56.000 There's no better...

00:15:57.000 I'm lost already.

00:15:58.000 I was lost before I got here.

00:16:00.000 There's no better expression or portal for expression for you than a podcast where you can control...

00:16:08.000 Especially something like this where you can add video.

00:16:10.000 We can essentially do whatever we want.

00:16:12.000 It's so close to a real television show.

00:16:16.000 Except there's no ads ever. 0.99

00:16:18.000 There's ads in the beginning and then the whole fucking thing runs for three hours... 0.99

00:16:23.000 Yet, people will still complain. 0.99

00:16:24.000 You pretty much do that already, though.

00:16:25.000 You did stick cam last night for an hour.

00:16:27.000 I do it randomly.

00:16:28.000 I'll hop on, and if I'm gonna drum, I'll live cast some of my drumming, but then it always ends up with me sweaty and having an emotional outpour, and then I start ranting to strangers.

00:16:37.000 Oh, I did.

00:16:37.000 I will press the ham up against the webcam.

00:16:40.000 Looks like it's a Portuguese hedgehog just mashed against the lens.

00:16:43.000 There's girls right now going through your recorded YouTube, Ustream videos trying to find it.

00:16:49.000 Primarily 18 to 34 year old males going through that Ustream trying to find it. 0.99

00:16:52.000 Yeah, you're more of like a gay crush. 0.99

00:16:55.000 Yeah, am I a twink or a bear? 1.00

00:16:57.000 How does that work?

00:16:57.000 I think you're just a handsome young guy.

00:17:02.000 It looks like you could be easily overpowered.

00:17:05.000 That's what it is.

00:17:05.000 There's something sexual.

00:17:06.000 I wouldn't even fight. 0.97

00:17:07.000 I would scrap if it turned you on.

00:17:09.000 That's about it. 0.99

00:17:10.000 I might paw at your face if I thought it would make you harder.

00:17:13.000 Just that alone, that sentence is really disturbing. 0.57

00:17:17.000 I might fight if it makes you... 0.76

00:17:20.000 Oh, Brian and I were having that conversation before we went live of girls that request and demand that you strike them during the act. 0.99

00:17:26.000 Oh, that's craziness.

00:17:27.000 And I've been with one, and it was insane, and I couldn't do it for more than five or ten sessions.

00:17:32.000 Yeah.

00:17:33.000 It started to hurt my wrists. 0.96

00:17:34.000 I've never had a girl ask me to hit her, but I have had girls ask me to rape them. 1.00

00:17:39.000 Ugh. 0.99

00:17:39.000 That's even worse. 0.99

00:17:40.000 Yeah.

00:17:40.000 That's kind.

00:17:41.000 Yeah, like, I've had girls that wanted to fight me off. 1.00

00:17:43.000 Is that how that works?

00:17:43.000 Because, oh, they want you to...

00:17:45.000 Yeah, like, she explained it to me that she wanted me to rape her and she wanted to fight me off. 1.00

00:17:49.000 And I was like, fuck. 1.00

00:17:49.000 I feel like that sentence is followed with, your honor. 1.00

00:17:51.000 Well, first, you can't.

00:17:54.000 She was asking for it.

00:17:55.000 We were in an alley.

00:17:56.000 She said, let me break my nails against the concrete. 1.00

00:17:58.000 We never wound up doing it.

00:18:00.000 I should just clarify.

00:18:01.000 I just thought it was the craziest thing I'd ever heard in my life.

00:18:03.000 I was like, look, I'm into living with reality.

00:18:06.000 I don't know what you're trying to...

00:18:08.000 We'd only been dating in a little while.

00:18:11.000 We didn't need any fantasies yet. 1.00

00:18:12.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

00:18:14.000 Our regular sex life is going stale. 1.00

00:18:16.000 I need a rape fantasy. 1.00

00:18:17.000 Who you really are, who I really am, and we're both horny. 1.00

00:18:20.000 Throw me into a van and hit me with a two-by-four. 0.99

00:18:23.000 No, so she wanted to fight me off. 1.00

00:18:25.000 It was this weird thing.

00:18:26.000 She's like, but you know that it's not, so it's okay.

00:18:29.000 I go, it's not, because I'm still going to do it.

00:18:34.000 I don't want to do that.

00:18:36.000 I don't want to associate physical aggression with sexuality.

00:18:41.000 It's tough because this isn't my story to really tell, and I have a very close-knit group of friends, but someone in that group...

00:18:48.000 His name rhymes with...

00:18:49.000 Mob! 0.99

00:18:51.000 No, what's his name?

00:18:52.000 Come on, give up the dude's name.

00:18:53.000 Here's the thing.

00:18:54.000 No, no, no.

00:18:54.000 It's a brilliant story.

00:18:55.000 He started dating...

00:18:56.000 Give him a fake name.

00:18:57.000 I'm going to cliff notes this here.

00:18:58.000 My buddy Dale...

00:18:59.000 Oh, Dale. 0.98

00:19:00.000 Started to date a woman, Sharice, and Sharice told Dale it was always a fantasy of hers to be raped, but it's sort of one of those things where you can't ask to be raped because then you know, and it would ruin the fantasy. 0.89

00:19:13.000 So after they'd been dating for no less than a year, and they were both into kinky sex and weird sex circles and kind of went around in those... 0.95

00:19:20.000 Oh, Kevin Rose. 0.65

00:19:21.000 I'm not going to say yes, but I'm going to tap my nose and wink and point your way.

00:19:27.000 So my buddy Kevin was like, I mean, Dale. 1.00

00:19:29.000 That shit! 1.00

00:19:30.000 Son of a bitch! 1.00

00:19:30.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:19:31.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:19:32.000 Lucky kettlebells! 1.00

00:19:34.000 So, less than a year they've been dating, he arranges.

00:19:37.000 She's flying in from town.

00:19:38.000 He arranges for three giant dudes to pick her up at the airport, take her away, throw her in a van, pretty much run a train on her outside a gas station. 0.84

00:19:49.000 She's crying, thinks the real thing has happened.

00:19:51.000 Then he shows up and he says, happy birthday.

00:19:56.000 And she cried and thanked him and couldn't believe it.

00:20:00.000 They're still together to this day.

00:20:01.000 Wow.

00:20:02.000 Yep.

00:20:03.000 That's the first time I met Kevin Rose.

00:20:04.000 I was invited to run a train on his girlfriend.

00:20:07.000 Whoa.

00:20:07.000 I had no idea Sarah Lane and him.

00:20:09.000 We're still dating. 1.00

00:20:10.000 Stop with the fucking names. 1.00

00:20:11.000 Absolutely not him whatsoever. 0.99

00:20:15.000 That is the namesake behind this podcast.

00:20:16.000 That is a joke for 12 people.

00:20:17.000 This is all just a joke.

00:20:19.000 But that's a crazy story, man.

00:20:22.000 Insane, right? 1.00

00:20:22.000 That's a fucked up story. 1.00

00:20:23.000 And she liked it? 0.99

00:20:24.000 And so that's when I go, like, immediately I go, you know what?

00:20:26.000 I want to be clear as well.

00:20:27.000 That's not for me.

00:20:28.000 Not necessarily for me, alright? 0.66

00:20:30.000 I have a rape fantasy, and I would love for three dudes to run a train on me, sure, but I'm not going to admit that, right? 0.95

00:20:35.000 So not for me. 1.00

00:20:36.000 But on the other hand, on the flip side of that coin, that's fucking love. 0.99

00:20:40.000 Like at some point, you go, what were the odds of those two ships passing in the night, one having a rape fantasy, the other be willing to fulfill it in that capacity and go for it? 0.99

00:20:50.000 And then say happy birthday?

00:20:52.000 And then say happy birthday!

00:20:53.000 That might be the craziest story.

00:20:55.000 The frosting on the cake is on your face.

00:20:56.000 That might be the craziest story I've ever heard about a man and a woman together. 1.00

00:21:00.000 It's pretty fantastic.

00:21:01.000 I'm just trying to think who it is.

00:21:02.000 I had to see Adam Sessler doing that.

00:21:04.000 This is nobody that's in any sort of limelight.

00:21:08.000 They don't have Wikipedia. 0.91

00:21:08.000 It's really fucked up that there's these... 0.91

00:21:13.000 Variables. 0.99

00:21:13.000 Because it would be nice if rape was always bad. 0.99

00:21:16.000 It would be nice if girls did not ever have a rape fantasy, so there couldn't be any weirdness. 0.90

00:21:22.000 I can't remember which comedian it is.

00:21:23.000 It might have been Louis C.K. that had a bit about when a girl says no, and she's like, why didn't you go for it? 0.52

00:21:27.000 Because you said no.

00:21:29.000 Yeah, but it meant no playfully.

00:21:30.000 It's like, I'm not going to have sex with you on the off chance that you're into that.

00:21:34.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:34.000 There's no...

00:21:36.000 No should really mean no, and yes can mean yes.

00:21:38.000 But the problem is, that's not what she wants.

00:21:40.000 She really wants you to take it, which is crazy, because for a woman who doesn't want that, it's a horrific idea. 1.00

00:21:47.000 I always apologize after, and Hallmark needs to make cards for that. 0.93

00:21:51.000 Like, sorry you didn't want to be forcibly sexed. 0.98

00:21:54.000 Yeah, this girl that I dated that wanted me to rape her, she got over it. 1.00

00:22:00.000 She only asked for it once, but it was really weird. 0.85

00:22:03.000 Was that rooted in something else?

00:22:05.000 I don't know.

00:22:06.000 Was she a victim of a sex crime earlier? 0.99

00:22:08.000 No, I don't think so.

00:22:09.000 She liked super aggression.

00:22:12.000 She liked aggression.

00:22:14.000 Battle rope movements on her face and back. 1.00

00:22:17.000 She wanted some fucking drum beating. 1.00

00:22:19.000 She was just a wild bitch. 1.00

00:22:21.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:22:22.000 I don't know what...

00:22:23.000 Do you still have her contacted?

00:22:24.000 No.

00:22:25.000 This was many moons ago.

00:22:26.000 Can I find her on Facebook?

00:22:26.000 I don't think you can.

00:22:27.000 Do you mind if I battle rubber?

00:22:28.000 I think you should not.

00:22:29.000 She might ruin you. 0.94

00:22:31.000 I was so tiny, I would snap in half at the thought.

00:22:33.000 Plus, she's got to be like 40 now, so it's over.

00:22:36.000 I don't mind that.

00:22:36.000 I don't mind a little.

00:22:37.000 I don't mind when the tread on the tires is worn off.

00:22:39.000 I'll hop in there. 1.00

00:22:40.000 I'll fuck a rim. 1.00

00:22:41.000 Well, it depends. 1.00

00:22:42.000 You say it's over, but I saw Cindy Crawford, who was like almost 50, or she might be 50, and she is still hot as fuck. 1.00

00:22:49.000 What about Gwen Stefani? 0.99

00:22:50.000 Isn't she like 40-something now? 1.00

00:22:51.000 I don't know.

00:22:52.000 I just saw her at the airport on the cover of some magazine, and I'm like, I would absolutely toss it in her.

00:22:56.000 Not that I would ever have a chance, but...

00:22:57.000 You can't say that, though, based on a magazine cover, because that might as well be like a werewolf.

00:23:01.000 Well, I get that there's Photoshop and camera trickery and whatnot. 0.99

00:23:05.000 Oh, fuck yeah, there is. 0.98

00:23:05.000 I get that that goes on. 0.98

00:23:06.000 Have you seen those photos of Madonna recently?

00:23:08.000 Oh, my God.

00:23:08.000 God of Skeletor.

00:23:09.000 Yeah.

00:23:09.000 But then you see her in other promotional pictures and she looks hot still.

00:23:13.000 It's like, what's going on?

00:23:14.000 Who's lying to me?

00:23:16.000 Someone's lying.

00:23:16.000 My boner's confused.

00:23:18.000 I'm fucking really creeped out by this. 0.97

00:23:20.000 Like that there must be a Phantom of the Opera type thing going on. 0.99

00:23:22.000 But would you bang Madonna?

00:23:23.000 Knowing what she really looks like?

00:23:24.000 Not even for the sport?

00:23:25.000 I'm not into that.

00:23:26.000 Not for the story of it?

00:23:27.000 Not into that.

00:23:27.000 Not even to tag her ear and monitor her later?

00:23:30.000 When I was 17, I was in love with her.

00:23:31.000 Really?

00:23:31.000 Oh yeah, I had a big thing for her after that.

00:23:33.000 You loved her music.

00:23:34.000 Well, I loved that movie, Vision Quest.

00:23:38.000 She sang a song in Vision Quest, and she had a couple songs on the soundtrack, and the soundtrack was what I would use to train with.

00:23:47.000 I would always train to the Vision Quest soundtrack.

00:23:49.000 I had a Walkman, cassette Walkman dude, old school.

00:23:52.000 And when I would do my sprints, I would listen to that.

00:23:55.000 So I had this weird crush on her because of that song.

00:23:58.000 Would you have to awkwardly fast-forward the cassette to get to the crescendo of the song before a sprint?

00:24:01.000 No.

00:24:02.000 I wasn't so clever.

00:24:03.000 I want to believe you had a talk point.

00:24:04.000 It was too difficult back then.

00:24:05.000 Because back then it was like...

00:24:07.000 Stop.

00:24:10.000 It was like, it's not so easy.

00:24:13.000 You really didn't cue things up.

00:24:15.000 I would cue up the beginning of the song right before a sprint, maybe.

00:24:18.000 Okay.

00:24:18.000 So you did go through a little bit of that.

00:24:20.000 But it sucked, because the fucking cassette thing was too big, so it would slap against your dick while you're running. 1.00

00:24:25.000 Yeah, hard plastic slapping against you. 1.00

00:24:27.000 And that's how fetishes are born. 0.89

00:24:29.000 I was into Madonna back then, which is really funny, because I was 17, and then I found out she was 26. I was like, damn, that bitch is old. 1.00

00:24:35.000 That's all I can think. 1.00

00:24:38.000 It's like, I'm 45 now. 0.99

00:24:42.000 I'm fucking practically dead. 1.00

00:24:44.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Meanwhile, I feel great. 0.86

00:24:49.000 But I've just never been into the Madonna type.

00:24:52.000 I've never been into super aggressive business.

00:24:54.000 I just like that you took a flex break.

00:24:55.000 You're like, I'm going to put the podcast on hold, and I'm just going to hit it. 1.00

00:24:59.000 All right, I'd fuck me. 0.99

00:25:00.000 Anybody else? 1.00

00:25:01.000 I'd fuck me right now. 1.00

00:25:03.000 I'd let me rape me. 1.00

00:25:04.000 Joe, take me out behind an ANPF. Come on. 1.00

00:25:07.000 I won't bear Macy, I promise.

00:25:08.000 In flexing, I broke loose an eyelash and it fell on my eyeball. 1.00

00:25:11.000 Oh, I hate that shit. 0.99

00:25:12.000 I will go ahead and put a key between my fingers, but I'm not going to jab you with it. 1.00

00:25:16.000 Just come and take me.

00:25:16.000 What a shitty design our eyes are that occasionally the rafters fall off into it, and then you can't see.

00:25:22.000 What if a fucking bear was trying to get you, and the eyelash fell in your eye, like, Motherfucker! 1.00

00:25:28.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1.00

00:25:29.000 We're going to devolve very soon.

00:25:30.000 We're going to become so reliant on plastic chips in our bodies and technology to regulate us that the body's just going to stop.

00:25:36.000 They're like, we don't really need eyes anymore.

00:25:37.000 We'll figure that out with thermal cameras.

00:25:38.000 I disagree.

00:25:39.000 It's going to be so good.

00:25:40.000 I think it's going to be an assimilation. 0.96

00:25:43.000 Of course.

00:25:43.000 Yeah, we're still going to have some sort of a breeding type thing going on.

00:25:46.000 Look, eventually we are going to be those gray aliens. 1.00

00:25:50.000 There's no way around it.

00:25:51.000 We'll be Salt State Drive.

00:25:53.000 We were at the Santa Barbara Zoo the other day and got to check some gorillas out.

00:25:57.000 Oh, you actually went? 0.99

00:25:58.000 Oh, it's fucking beautiful. 0.99

00:25:59.000 Santa Barbara's amazing, man. 0.99

00:26:00.000 They have a zoo there?

00:26:01.000 I've been going there with my family.

00:26:02.000 I love Santa Barbara.

00:26:04.000 It's a gorgeous community.

00:26:05.000 It's amazing.

00:26:06.000 Nice little restaurants, beautiful neighborhoods, beautiful view.

00:26:09.000 The weather's amazing.

00:26:10.000 And they got this cool zoo.

00:26:12.000 But all zoos bum me out.

00:26:13.000 If I didn't have children, I would never go to the zoo.

00:26:15.000 Because I hate the idea of...

00:26:17.000 I don't mind the idea of hunting.

00:26:18.000 I think the hunting is the way people are supposed to live.

00:26:21.000 Well, it depends on how you're hunting as well.

00:26:22.000 If you're paying for 5,000 birds to be released so you can shoot them at close range with a shotgun. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Yeah, you're not really hunting, asshole. 1.00

00:26:29.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing they do with old rich dudes. 1.00

00:26:32.000 They just give them a shirt.

00:26:33.000 Shoot! 0.99

00:26:33.000 Shoot, Sam! 0.99

00:26:34.000 Bang! 1.00

00:26:35.000 Bang! 1.00

00:26:35.000 Or bring you out in a Range Rover and put you within three meters of an elephant and hand you a rifle. 1.00

00:26:39.000 Just point it anywhere in his general direction and pull the trigger and we'll get a photo of you with a foot on it.

00:26:44.000 That's not hunting.

00:26:45.000 Not necessarily what I mean.

00:26:46.000 I get what you're saying.

00:26:47.000 What bums me out is animal prisons.

00:26:51.000 Animal prisons bum me out way more than hunting.

00:26:54.000 Because at least if you're hunting an animal, even if you're not going to eat that animal, if you're going to just give that animal away, which is kind of weird.

00:27:01.000 Like this guy, Matt Hughes, who's a UFC champion, just got in trouble with a lot of people.

00:27:05.000 People are angry at him because he went to South Africa and shot everything.

00:27:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:09.000 Did one of those things.

00:27:10.000 Including women and children.

00:27:11.000 Like a zebra and a bunch of different animals.

00:27:14.000 But even that, to me, it's like... 0.99

00:27:17.000 That still seems to be better than the fucking zoo. 0.97

00:27:20.000 I think the zoo is one of the, like... 0.99

00:27:23.000 If you want to talk about cruelty to animals, the zoo is one of the most fucked up places on earth because those animals are denied all of their natural activities. 0.96

00:27:33.000 All of them. 0.98

00:27:34.000 We think that just because they have food, they're okay.

00:27:37.000 That is madness.

00:27:39.000 Or, hey, well, you know what?

00:27:40.000 Their forest was getting cut down, so at least we saved them.

00:27:42.000 And I'm like, is that really saving them?

00:27:44.000 Putting a natural animal that has instincts that are predatory and then dangling meat from a pole for it or having it pace in a 4x4 cell? 0.98

00:27:51.000 And they don't even fucking give them Wi-Fi. 0.98

00:27:53.000 They don't even have Wi-Fi. 0.99

00:27:55.000 They don't have anything to kill.

00:27:57.000 That's something that they do do in other countries.

00:28:00.000 In other countries, especially in Asia, when they have tiger preserves, they preserve these tigers, but they feed them live goats.

00:28:08.000 Have you ever seen that?

00:28:09.000 Brian, throw a few of those up, because there's hundreds of them online.

00:28:12.000 I've seen preserves where they feed them like they fed the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, which is a goat on a chain.

00:28:18.000 Better than just handing it the meat that's already killed, but at some point, you should let the goat go.

00:28:22.000 You should let them actually hunt.

00:28:24.000 And, you know, go through those animalistic behaviors.

00:28:27.000 Yeah, that would be better if you had, like, an ecosystem in a place.

00:28:32.000 But even that, you shouldn't contain it.

00:28:34.000 It shouldn't be that this tiger has no idea what happens if he walks 20 miles to the ocean.

00:28:39.000 It shouldn't be that. 0.98

00:28:40.000 The tiger should be able to go wherever the fuck the tiger is, if that's his habitat. 0.99

00:28:44.000 Unless we choose to make them extinct. 1.00

00:28:45.000 If we chews, they're too fucking dangerous, they're eating too many people, and we've got to start jacking them. 0.99

00:28:49.000 Which, by the way, if I lived in India, I'd be hunting tigers every fucking day of the week. 0.98

00:28:53.000 More people have died from tigers in India than anywhere in the world. 0.98

00:28:57.000 Just the Sundarbans alone is at somewhere like 300,000 people have been murdered by tigers over the last hundred years.

00:29:03.000 And that's because they're building in their habitat, or because they're trying to keep them as pets?

00:29:07.000 Because poor people are living near monsters. 0.96

00:29:09.000 Not only that, the Sundarbans is a brackish ocean.

00:29:14.000 And apparently the tigers drink this water and the water is extra salty so it makes them really aggressive.

00:29:21.000 It makes them irritated all the time.

00:29:23.000 Really?

00:29:23.000 And they're really mean.

00:29:24.000 Yeah, I had a bit about it in my act. 1.00

00:29:25.000 A true story about these poor fucking fishermen. 0.99

00:29:27.000 They were in a boat. 1.00

00:29:28.000 There was like five guys in a boat.

00:29:29.000 And this tiger swam out to the boat.

00:29:33.000 Jumped in.

00:29:33.000 Killed the guy.

00:29:34.000 Dragged him through the water to the shore. 0.98

00:29:36.000 Dropped his body off at the shore.

00:29:38.000 Jumped back in the water.

00:29:40.000 To go get the other guys?

00:29:41.000 And did it again.

00:29:41.000 Did it three times.

00:29:43.000 Oh my god.

00:29:43.000 He did it three times.

00:29:44.000 So the last two guys were just fucking... 0.98

00:29:46.000 Being that third guy in the boat. 0.99

00:29:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:48.000 Fucking start paddling. 1.00

00:29:49.000 You gotta figure something out. 1.00

00:29:51.000 You know what's happening. 0.99

00:29:52.000 Who knew tigers were that fucking evil? 1.00

00:29:54.000 Like, they really are monsters. 1.00

00:29:56.000 Because they're not doing it for food.

00:29:57.000 They're doing it because they can.

00:29:59.000 Like, at that point in time, how could you justify...

00:30:01.000 They want to swipe off the ears and make a necklace.

00:30:03.000 They're doing it for the sport.

00:30:04.000 Yeah, how could you justify keeping that thing around?

00:30:06.000 What is this, a bull?

00:30:07.000 Is this a goat feeding from a...

00:30:08.000 That's a cow, I guess, it looks like.

00:30:10.000 Oh, there it is, yeah.

00:30:11.000 There we go! 1.00

00:30:12.000 That cow seems like you rushed him a little bit to his talking shit. 1.00

00:30:16.000 I'll spear this motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:17.000 I like how they go jiu-jitsu style. 1.00

00:30:19.000 They go right to the bottom.

00:30:20.000 Could you call this like a match?

00:30:22.000 Okay, he's got side control.

00:30:23.000 He's got the neck.

00:30:24.000 As long as he's got the neck, he's good.

00:30:26.000 He's got the top of the spine.

00:30:27.000 Now, this is really hard for the cow to get anything done here.

00:30:31.000 At least the cow's standing, though.

00:30:32.000 The cow's got to figure out some way to go to his back and kick that thing off and then get back to his feet and run away.

00:30:39.000 But it doesn't look good.

00:30:40.000 The tiger's got the back of the neck. 1.00

00:30:42.000 I think he's fucked. 1.00

00:30:43.000 Don't forget to check out a new season of The Ultimate Fighter. 0.99

00:30:46.000 Friday night, 7.30.

00:30:47.000 There's the dead cow.

00:30:48.000 I don't get it.

00:30:49.000 Oh, there's a live cow. 1.00

00:30:51.000 Oh, they have them all hog-tied and shit. 1.00

00:30:53.000 Yeah, look how they bring them out. 1.00

00:30:54.000 That poor cow. 1.00

00:30:55.000 Before they let him get killed by a lion, he lives in shit. 1.00

00:31:01.000 He gets fucking ball-gagged and strung up by his hooves. 1.00

00:31:05.000 That's exactly what they did to him. 1.00

00:31:07.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:31:09.000 Yeah, so Santa Barbara Zoo was exciting for you, it was good, or it was sad? 1.00

00:31:15.000 It's cool because the kids get to see the fucking animal jail, but it's sad when you see these. 0.95

00:31:20.000 Do you explain to them, like, hey, this is not natural for these animals? 0.99

00:31:24.000 No.

00:31:24.000 Or no, you just let it be?

00:31:25.000 They're four and two.

00:31:27.000 Oh, okay.

00:31:28.000 I'm not being upset, I'm just saying.

00:31:30.000 No, you are being very passive.

00:31:31.000 Dude!

00:31:32.000 I'm just saying, when I explain to them, I just want them to repeat the names and know where it lives and what it does.

00:31:39.000 So then it serves that purpose, though.

00:31:41.000 I would rather show them DVDs.

00:31:43.000 I really would. 1.00

00:31:44.000 But kids like looking at shit. 1.00

00:31:47.000 I could never get my daughter to sit down and watch a documentary on the Congo or something like that. 1.00

00:31:53.000 But if you take them somewhere and show them some actual real shit, you know, that has a different impact on them. 0.97

00:31:58.000 But my point was, while I was standing there looking at the gorillas, I was looking at the gorilla and looking at me and then thinking about gray aliens. 0.98

00:32:05.000 I'm like, yeah, that's next.

00:32:06.000 It has to be.

00:32:07.000 That really is us. 1.00

00:32:09.000 Like, I think those fucking eyes, it's because they have, like, built-in sunglasses because we've completely fucked the environment. 0.99

00:32:15.000 You can't see anymore. 1.00

00:32:16.000 You go outside.

00:32:17.000 It's got triple UV protective layers and reflective coatings. 1.00

00:32:20.000 Why else would they have those big fucking totally black eyes? 1.00

00:32:22.000 That shit's his sunglasses. 1.00

00:32:25.000 Built-in sunglasses. 1.00

00:32:26.000 Those are Oakley's in 4022. Our eyes got way bigger after Google Goggles.

00:32:31.000 It's like an unexpected turn.

00:32:33.000 Well, Google Goggles, not only does it give you cancer of the brain, but that cancer specifically makes your eyes grow, and that changed evolution.

00:32:40.000 So that's what happened.

00:32:41.000 The human eye became large, almond-sized or shaped.

00:32:45.000 So when that happened, and then eventually we went with pure telekinesis.

00:32:49.000 People stopped talking.

00:32:50.000 The mouth shrunk up.

00:32:52.000 We won't need physical vessels once we can figure out how to digitize the consciousness.

00:32:57.000 Especially if the physical vessel is going to be universal, indiscernible, like it looks like the gray aliens are. 1.00

00:33:04.000 The gray aliens, it's not like you see a Shaquille O'Neal gray alien right next to Bridget the Midget.

00:33:09.000 You're being racist.

00:33:10.000 You're saying they all look the same, and I see completely different personalities.

00:33:13.000 I can pick out Doug from Xanadu, alright?

00:33:15.000 Okay.

00:33:16.000 Have you ever had any sort of an experience with anything that you thought was paranormal, whether it was a ghost or...

00:33:25.000 Yeah.

00:33:26.000 I mean, on Salvia, I've experienced the universe, you know, as a pixel of a human being.

00:33:31.000 I've absolutely seen it and felt it and understood it.

00:33:33.000 But sober, I haven't felt like phantoms or cold chills or...

00:33:36.000 That word sober is a very interesting word because I agree with the idea to a certain extent that...

00:33:44.000 When you're intoxicated, that that is an impaired state and that what you're saying is probably not real.

00:33:52.000 It's just a distortion of all your sensory perceptions and your body reacting to poison.

00:34:00.000 You can trick your body into synesthesia.

00:34:02.000 However, there's times when I'm high where I completely disagree that it's not...

00:34:12.000 It's not an impaired state.

00:34:15.000 It's an enhanced state.

00:34:16.000 It's very difficult to manage enhanced state and there's a lot going on.

00:34:20.000 But it's not impaired.

00:34:22.000 It's modified.

00:34:23.000 It makes reality a little slippery.

00:34:26.000 You can get socially awkward.

00:34:28.000 You can get paranoid.

00:34:28.000 There's a lot of things that can happen that what it is is you have a massive amount of extra sensitivity and it's almost the exact opposite of being drunk.

00:34:37.000 And what people don't understand is like, oh, he's in parodies on the pot.

00:34:40.000 When I'm on the pot, I play pool twice as good, maybe three times as good. 0.99

00:34:47.000 I can play professional level for long stretches of time when I'm high as fuck. 0.98

00:34:52.000 I write better comedy. 0.91

00:34:53.000 There's a lot going on that you can't say.

00:34:57.000 There's no downside to that.

00:34:59.000 It's not a detrimental situation.

00:35:01.000 Carl Sagan has said something.

00:35:03.000 It's my quote on my message board.

00:35:06.000 When he said it, I was like, thank you!

00:35:08.000 It says, I am convinced there are genuine and valid levels of perception available with cannabis and probably with other drugs, which are Through the defects of our society and our educational system unavailable to us without such drugs.

00:35:21.000 And there's real clarity in some of these experiences. 0.57

00:35:27.000 It's just so much recreational use and so much fucking around with all of us that It's been, especially with people who don't do any of these things, they don't smoke pot, they've never done mushrooms, that it seems like a recreational, silly type activity. 0.70

00:35:39.000 It doesn't seem like there's any validity. 0.98

00:35:41.000 Well, yeah, and they're still banking off of the stories and the connotations that have been handed down since the reefer madness days, from Grandpa told someone's parents that that reefer will make you silly, it'll make you crazy, it'll make you a druggie, you'll be a know-nothing, and then that just gets handed down and handed down. 0.80

00:35:57.000 It would be really cute. 0.81

00:35:58.000 It would be a cute, fun thing to watch bumble into walls if it wasn't for all the violence. 1.00

00:36:03.000 If it wasn't for, like, the shit that's going down today in Spain. 1.00

00:36:06.000 Have you seen this shit, Brian? 1.00

00:36:07.000 Have you seen the video? 1.00

00:36:08.000 Please pull up the video of the Spain protesting, because it is crazy.

00:36:12.000 Our mainstream news... 1.00

00:36:14.000 Fuck you, CNN! Fuck you, Fox News! 1.00

00:36:18.000 You guys suck! 1.00

00:36:19.000 You are fucking frauds! 1.00

00:36:22.000 They are not the news! 1.00

00:36:24.000 Cogs in a machine owned by corporations to facilitate an agenda. 0.99

00:36:28.000 It's ridiculous.

00:36:29.000 The fact that no one's covering what's going on in Bahrain. 0.54

00:36:33.000 No one is covering...

00:36:34.000 I mean, the amount of coverage in America on this Spain thing is shameful, and their depiction of it is shamefully inaccurate.

00:36:41.000 That it's just a small protest. 0.99

00:36:44.000 No, this is a fucking whole civilization rising up against their leaders. 0.99

00:36:49.000 I mean, people are looting for food in trash bins. 0.99

00:36:52.000 That's how dire the situation has got for a large section of that population.

00:36:56.000 And now they're taking to the streets.

00:36:58.000 And nobody knows about it.

00:36:59.000 And the actual reported figures of unemployment are at 25%.

00:37:04.000 But those are disputed by the population.

00:37:07.000 They say it could be even worse than that.

00:37:09.000 The reported numbers of unemployment...

00:37:11.000 And by the way, a lot of times those figures, they only count those who are actively seeking employment and are unable to find it. 0.64

00:37:17.000 Which means if 25% is statistically unemployed, there might be another 25% that has fucking given up. 0.90

00:37:23.000 You're exactly right. 0.97

00:37:23.000 And they're resorting to trash cans and now looting. 0.97

00:37:26.000 Yeah, you're exactly right.

00:37:27.000 That's the people that are still in the system that are being counted as unemployed.

00:37:31.000 And people use that as an example of our society, because our society, we try to keep unemployment down. 1.00

00:37:37.000 You don't know shit. 1.00

00:37:39.000 You don't know shit. 1.00

00:37:40.000 Absolutely not. 1.00

00:37:41.000 You know about people that are in your system.

00:37:42.000 That's it. 0.99

00:37:43.000 There's a huge amount of people out there that have fucking thrown in the towel. 0.98

00:37:49.000 And that's what's going on in Spain. 0.99

00:37:51.000 Look at the videos. 0.99

00:37:52.000 It's fucking unbelievable. 0.99

00:37:53.000 Notice the badge in the corner. 0.99

00:37:54.000 Not CNN, not MSNBC, not Fox, nothing.

00:37:59.000 We've done such a terrible job.

00:38:01.000 What does RT stand for again?

00:38:03.000 It's not Reuters.

00:38:05.000 God, I watch all their stuff all the time. 1.00

00:38:07.000 In the face with a fucking little baton while they're taking pictures of him. 1.00

00:38:11.000 This is crazy. 1.00

00:38:12.000 But what's really crazy is these fucking cops, man. 1.00

00:38:15.000 They are just employees of the machine. 1.00

00:38:18.000 They're not even the machine.

00:38:19.000 They're regular folks.

00:38:20.000 The regular folks are attacking regular folks.

00:38:22.000 But these people are fighting for their jobs right now, just as the people rioting are trying to fight for jobs.

00:38:28.000 And that's what's so sad.

00:38:29.000 This is how disconnected it is.

00:38:31.000 They have to lay down their arms.

00:38:32.000 It has to get worse.

00:38:33.000 It has to get worse to the point where the...

00:38:35.000 The cops realize, okay, we are this civilization.

00:38:39.000 We are this population.

00:38:40.000 Those people that they are clubbing?

00:38:42.000 Oh, look at that guy.

00:38:42.000 Flying sidekick.

00:38:43.000 And a roundhouse kick to the body. 1.00

00:38:45.000 Very weak roundhouse kick.

00:38:46.000 No turn of the hips at all.

00:38:47.000 Look, people are kicking him and pushing him down. 1.00

00:38:49.000 That's fucking crazy, man. 1.00

00:38:51.000 That cop's down. 1.00

00:38:51.000 Nobody took his back. 1.00

00:38:52.000 Someone should have taken his back.

00:38:57.000 Soon they'll bring out the sonic weaponry and the drones and the UAVs.

00:39:01.000 That's why this kind of dissent doesn't happen in the States right now.

00:39:04.000 Because we have a military that's a police force that will roll out with armored vehicles and assault rifles. 1.00

00:39:10.000 We have new laws protecting the cunts just in case this shit goes down. 1.00

00:39:14.000 Where they legally can do a bunch of shit that they were never allowed to do just in case... 1.00

00:39:18.000 They can detain you. 0.97

00:39:19.000 They can pull you off the streets and detain you before anything ever happens because you might be a thought leader.

00:39:24.000 Yeah.

00:39:24.000 You know, it's really disturbing to me, all these celebrities and all these different people who are standing up for Obama and campaigning for Obama.

00:39:32.000 And even guys that I respect and intelligent people are saying, he's better than Mitt Romney.

00:39:37.000 What are you looking at?

00:39:40.000 I'm like, what are you looking at?

00:39:41.000 Are you paying attention to what this guy's doing to the Constitution?

00:39:44.000 They're cherry-picking a few moral issues, which is always what it boils down to, which is sad. 0.97

00:39:50.000 I happen to agree with the moral stance of Obama versus Romney a little bit more, but it doesn't fucking matter at the end of the day.

00:39:57.000 What aspect of his morals? 0.80

00:39:58.000 Things like civil unions.

00:39:59.000 Gay rights.

00:40:00.000 Yeah, like gay rights.

00:40:00.000 That's a big one.

00:40:01.000 Well, you know what that is.

00:40:02.000 That's a democratic talking point.

00:40:04.000 Sure.

00:40:04.000 You know, he is...

00:40:06.000 Because they won't talk about money in politics, which is the root of 90% of all the fucking issues we have right now. 0.96

00:40:10.000 Nobody's going to talk about it because it's lining their pockets. 0.97

00:40:13.000 Yeah.

00:40:13.000 When it comes to something that's actually important, he is not standing up for us.

00:40:18.000 Nope.

00:40:19.000 The feds are going to raid the dispensaries here in L.A. despite saying that's not going to happen.

00:40:23.000 Well, they just did.

00:40:24.000 They just closed in on 71 of them yesterday.

00:40:26.000 Well, they sent notices to a bunch and they're suing, too.

00:40:29.000 They haven't started shattering glass yet, but believe me, that's two weeks away.

00:40:32.000 Yeah, the whole thing is really sick.

00:40:34.000 And this is supposed to be this awesome president's regime?

00:40:38.000 I mean, he's running things right now.

00:40:39.000 He's running things right now.

00:40:40.000 Well, he's running a campaign right now.

00:40:42.000 Let's be clear about that. 0.97

00:40:43.000 Well, they're not fucking doing it right. 0.96

00:40:46.000 They should be non-profit. 1.00

00:40:48.000 Shut up. 0.97

00:40:49.000 You're telling me that the DEA has nothing better to do, for real, than go after pot companies? 0.99

00:40:55.000 That is one of the weakest ways to get a caller. 0.99

00:40:57.000 By the way, 700 dispensaries can't be opened and operated unless there's fucking demand for 700 dispensaries. 0.98

00:41:06.000 Do you know what I mean? 0.98

00:41:08.000 There's a law that says you're allowed to have it here and to pretend that it's worse than anything else you've already got legal and it's a reason why you're going after it is crazy, Obama. 0.79

00:41:19.000 That's why I'm always against the medicinal marijuana argument because it ignores the recreational argument which is just as fucking valid as the medicinal one.

00:41:26.000 It certainly is, but the medicinal one, I think, while in a world of madness, there's a lot of people, not me, necessarily, I could get by without it.

00:41:35.000 The reasons that I use it for is not...

00:41:37.000 Nothing's terminal.

00:41:38.000 There's people with terminal illnesses.

00:41:40.000 There's people who...

00:41:41.000 Have cancer and marijuana is the only thing that gives them an appetite.

00:41:45.000 There's nothing else that works as good.

00:41:47.000 People that will have seizures if they do not smoke pot and yet someone is pulling the joint out of their hand and saying, no, no, no, you need to have a seizure because this needs to be illegal. 1.00

00:41:55.000 Well that's why whenever anybody talks about the human body and they're doing it from an ideological standpoint without any real medical training or even reading research, you're talking out of your ass. 1.00

00:42:07.000 Like when you got an asshole like Rush Limbaugh that's talking about some girl wanting to be a slut so she can get a birth control. 1.00

00:42:14.000 What that asshole doesn't understand is that some women get ovarian cysts if they don't take birth control. 1.00

00:42:19.000 They have medical issues. 1.00

00:42:21.000 There's a lot of them that women can use birth control with and it cleans them up. 1.00

00:42:25.000 Sorry, Joe.

00:42:25.000 He's just popped a handful of Oxycontin and chased it with alcohol so he can't hear you right now.

00:42:30.000 Because let's not forget he was chastising people who wanted to smoke pot while taking handfuls of pharmaceuticals.

00:42:35.000 Well, not only that, he was doing it illegally.

00:42:37.000 He was having his maid go out and buy his oxys for him.

00:42:40.000 They said, we researched it on Wikipedia, and it said that he was up to 30 a day, according to his mate.

00:42:48.000 Cited by Johnny Balls 17. He's the one who put that sentence in there.

00:42:51.000 And he is the most trusted source on the Wikipedia.

00:42:55.000 Cut to the Johnny Balls 17 Twitter account.

00:42:58.000 Johnny Ball 17. It was just opened.

00:42:59.000 There's a scramble for it right now.

00:43:01.000 I hope there is.

00:43:03.000 Yeah, it's insane.

00:43:04.000 And when I think about unemployment, and I think about, and I, this may transition into a TSA rant, and I apologize if it does, because it's still fresh in my head.

00:43:10.000 Yeah, well, we gotta talk about that anyway.

00:43:11.000 The biggest fucking government works program that's really going on right now are tax dollars going to create a system to create jobs to demean us and make us feel like criminals for wanting to take a flight. 0.96

00:43:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:23.000 A program that is inefficient, ineffectual by thousands of, not thousands, that's hyperbole, by hundreds of sorted papers that is inefficient, ineffectual, that demeans us, that leads to lobbyists and government kickbacks for these corporations that make machines that scan us and take nude photos of us essentially. 0.99

00:43:41.000 Well, for the folks that do it, for the folks that do the TSA, it is a shit job. 0.99

00:43:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:46.000 You're dealing with people that don't want to be there. 0.99

00:43:48.000 Absolutely.

00:43:49.000 You're dealing with people that don't want to comply.

00:43:50.000 Yeah. 0.54

00:43:51.000 And in their defense, look, there's that fucking classic Stanford study that we brought up over and over again of what happened when they just had college students have one person in charge. 0.97

00:44:00.000 You're the warden. 0.96

00:44:00.000 The other person is, yeah. 0.96

00:44:02.000 You're the prisoner.

00:44:02.000 When you do that, people abuse people.

00:44:05.000 People are supposed to be equal, folks.

00:44:06.000 That's just the way it is.

00:44:07.000 There's not supposed to be cops.

00:44:09.000 Furthermore, isn't there a law against uniforms for people that aren't law enforcement officials having markings or patterns?

00:44:17.000 Then how do you work at Burger King?

00:44:18.000 No, no, no.

00:44:19.000 Well, because you're not wearing a badge, and you're not wearing patches.

00:44:22.000 You are if you're the manager.

00:44:23.000 Do you have a sheriff, a tin sheriff badge?

00:44:25.000 I believe that Colonel Sanders gives out stripes.

00:44:28.000 Doesn't Colonel Sanders?

00:44:30.000 I'm the sheriff of this grill.

00:44:31.000 Well, you should.

00:44:32.000 But they're not, by the way, they're not cops.

00:44:35.000 They are regular folks that are wearing tin badges and patches.

00:44:38.000 And I've met a lot of them.

00:44:39.000 But there's always cops there.

00:44:40.000 There's always a stand of cops waiting.

00:44:42.000 There's airport police, and they are police officers.

00:44:44.000 They're real. 0.99

00:44:44.000 And they come in when the shit actually gets real to mace you and frisk you. 0.99

00:44:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:44:48.000 I've never had a problem at the TSA, ever, with people being rude to me.

00:44:53.000 I've never had that problem.

00:44:54.000 Do you go through the machines?

00:44:55.000 I go through the machines, and I'm friendly.

00:44:58.000 I opt out.

00:44:59.000 I'm friendly. 0.98

00:44:59.000 I'm friendly as shit, but I opt out. 0.98

00:45:01.000 Well, Brendan Walsh said that he had a problem with the same thing. 0.97

00:45:04.000 He opted out on the way to Toronto.

00:45:06.000 What I've heard is that there's radiation in those machines, they haven't really registered it yet, but if you really want to worry about radiation, you shouldn't be flying in the first place, because the flight itself is incredibly radioactive.

00:45:16.000 The radiation, to me, is a moot point.

00:45:19.000 Like, yeah, I don't think I deserve it.

00:45:20.000 You think it's a rights violation?

00:45:22.000 It's a rights violation, plus the RapidScan Corporation, which is one of the two big corporations that had the $70 million contracts to install these machines.

00:45:30.000 They were funding Chertoff, who was the ex-head of the Homeland Security Administration.

00:45:34.000 They've increased their lobbying by 50% or something since 2008 and 2010. That was the last study I read.

00:45:41.000 So, Lord knows how much money they're spending now to give kickbacks to people in power to do these no-bid contracts to put in these machines, which, by the way, Most security and defense experts tell you that they can't actually detect the plastic explosives that could blow up a 747. Like, they can't actually detect it.

00:46:00.000 Plus, there was a case in Florida, just not only, like, probably two years ago, where hundreds of thousands of the photos from people going through those machines, because it does store photos even though it doesn't display them, those photos were hacked.

00:46:12.000 And they said, we don't store these photos, they don't get taken, but they have a nude picture of you somewhere.

00:46:17.000 Lord knows how that's going to come back to haunt you.

00:46:20.000 So the radiation is, to me, a moot point.

00:46:23.000 I look good naked, dude.

00:46:24.000 I want to see it. 0.77

00:46:25.000 Release the hounds. 0.98

00:46:26.000 There's going to be TSA fetish porn. 0.99

00:46:28.000 There's absolutely going to be fetish porn. 0.99

00:46:29.000 TSA people, release the hounds. 0.89

00:46:32.000 It's just absurd to me that my tax dollars go towards buying these machines for these corrupt corporations to have them installed to make me feel like a criminal to snap a photo of me naked which don't make me any safer as I go onto a flight.

00:46:45.000 Do you think it doesn't make you any safer?

00:46:47.000 Don't you think that if people could take guns on planes they would?

00:46:49.000 If there was no metal detection you would have to deal with the same sort of instances of people being crazy in society on a plane as you would on the ground.

00:46:59.000 I think metal detectors are good.

00:47:01.000 I do.

00:47:01.000 I think the idea of checking your bags is good.

00:47:04.000 There's too many cunts. 0.94

00:47:06.000 There are certainly, there should be a standard of protection. 0.98

00:47:09.000 You know, a metal detector, if you want to scan the baggage, that's fine.

00:47:12.000 But I think we've drawn the line way too far.

00:47:15.000 And we've drawn it to a point now where, first of all, we've always been one step behind.

00:47:19.000 Let's not forget 9-11 happened with box cutters.

00:47:22.000 There was no explosives, there were no bombs, there were no guns.

00:47:25.000 Well, Kevin, that's the official story.

00:47:27.000 But here at Infowars.com, We know it was a government inside job.

00:47:32.000 Bin Laden determined to attack.

00:47:34.000 We've got the documents, ladies and gentlemen.

00:47:37.000 There is no way you can take over a plane with a box cutter!

00:47:43.000 Look at this article by Johnny Ball 17. He has done the math.

00:47:48.000 It checks out.

00:47:49.000 If you go to infowars.com and buy gold, you'll be safe.

00:47:52.000 And a crank flashlight.

00:47:53.000 And a crank fleshlight.

00:47:54.000 We need a crank fleshlight slash radio. 1.00

00:47:58.000 Fuck your way to freedom. 1.00

00:48:00.000 Yeah, if you want to believe the official story, the most fantastical story. 1.00

00:48:04.000 By the way, those fleshlights need a rechargeable battery on them so they can heat up.

00:48:08.000 I should be able to press a button and have it get warm. 0.99

00:48:10.000 We don't use them anymore, so I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:48:12.000 They could fall apart. 0.96

00:48:14.000 You don't talk about them anymore?

00:48:15.000 They're not our sponsor anymore. 0.94

00:48:16.000 Oh, that sucks. 1.00

00:48:17.000 Do you still fuck them, though? 1.00

00:48:19.000 No comment. 1.00

00:48:20.000 There's not one right behind.

00:48:27.000 They were a good sponsor, but I think it got to a point where we probably saturated their market.

00:48:32.000 And quite honestly, we made more.

00:48:35.000 He has a flashlight behind his computer.

00:48:40.000 Yeah, we're always one step behind.

00:48:41.000 So here's what concerns me.

00:48:43.000 Is that now we're at a point where let's say they take away the rapid scan machines, right?

00:48:47.000 Or let's say they have them, but someone, flying spaghetti monster forbid, decides to blow up a school, or a footlocker in a mall, or a stadium, or a concert venue.

00:49:00.000 Those machines are going to be everywhere.

00:49:02.000 What do you think would happen if you went to the airport and you had like a radiation detector and you said, I would like to go through this machine and detect the amount of...

00:49:10.000 They wouldn't let you.

00:49:11.000 There's no way they would let you.

00:49:12.000 They'd probably arrest you, right?

00:49:13.000 Yeah.

00:49:13.000 What is that machinery you're not allowed to have here?

00:49:15.000 That's some creepy police state shit right there. 0.97

00:49:16.000 In my incident in Austin, I was told I was not allowed to film it. 0.99

00:49:19.000 I was brought into a private screening room that had a giant placard above that says, this is a private screening room which I did not request.

00:49:26.000 I was taken in there.

00:49:27.000 My belongings were taken in there.

00:49:29.000 Without my request I even objected to it and they said, you have to go this way.

00:49:32.000 Did you have to?

00:49:33.000 Is that the law?

00:49:34.000 Yeah, at this point I didn't have time to fight it.

00:49:36.000 I had to catch a flight. 0.99

00:49:37.000 See, the thing is with the Patriot Act and shit like that, you don't know what the fuck is terrorism on paper these days. 0.98

00:49:41.000 They make it up as they go along, and then they have lawyers figure out how however they treated you is the legal way to treat you. 1.00

00:49:47.000 Sons of bitches. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Where you going, bitch? 1.00

00:49:49.000 They had the x-ray machine. 1.00

00:49:50.000 I gotta have you pull something up.

00:49:52.000 They have the x-ray machine in the Austin airport, and it's right next to one of those rapid-scan body scanning machines, right?

00:49:56.000 Oh, God.

00:49:57.000 And there is a long line for the rapid-scan machine.

00:49:59.000 Of course.

00:49:59.000 And that's when they say, oh, that line's getting long.

00:50:01.000 Come on through the x-rays.

00:50:03.000 So right away I'm like, you know what, if this is integral to my safety, you're now chucking my safety out the window for the convenience factor of cycling people through security.

00:50:11.000 Well, are they really saying that it's not safe?

00:50:13.000 I mean, is that really what they're saying?

00:50:15.000 The rapid scan thing or the x-ray thing is not safe?

00:50:18.000 I'm talking about if we need those body scanning machines because they can detect a whole bunch of stuff that a traditional x-ray can't.

00:50:23.000 That when it gets inconvenient because the line is too long, you're now throwing my safety out the window.

00:50:28.000 That seems inconsistent.

00:50:29.000 Seems wrong, right? 0.71

00:50:30.000 Crazy.

00:50:31.000 But I'm in line to go through the x-ray, and then randomly, they do the, oh, you need to go through the rapid scan machine.

00:50:36.000 So I say, can't I just go through the x-ray?

00:50:37.000 No, you can't.

00:50:38.000 Now they're angry with me because they even asked that.

00:50:40.000 So I opt out, as I normally do.

00:50:42.000 My belongings go through the machine.

00:50:43.000 Now I can't see them.

00:50:45.000 I say, hey, I can't see my laptop.

00:50:46.000 I can't see my phone.

00:50:47.000 I can't see any of that stuff.

00:50:48.000 It's over there.

00:50:49.000 Your belongings are fine.

00:50:50.000 How do I know that I can't see them?

00:50:52.000 They didn't give anybody to do it.

00:50:53.000 So I'm already on edge, right? 0.94

00:50:54.000 I always feel like whenever I take a fucking JetBlue flight, this is going to be my Occupy moment. 0.99

00:50:58.000 It's going to end with pepper spray to the face, and I'm going to get handcuffed, even though I'm as polite as can be, and I just want someone to watch my shit. 0.99

00:51:04.000 I get stuck in a glass box. 0.99

00:51:06.000 Where I'm next to a girl that couldn't have been more than six years old.

00:51:10.000 She has a handicap.

00:51:12.000 She's in a wheelchair and there was something mentally wrong with her. 0.83

00:51:14.000 She was stemming.

00:51:14.000 She was rocking.

00:51:15.000 She was pulling her hair and crying because there were three TSA agents trying to tell her to lift her arms so they can swab her clothes, swab her wheelchair, the back pad, the tires, the wheels, everything. 0.61

00:51:27.000 Her dad is there.

00:51:29.000 On the brink.

00:51:30.000 You can imagine how traumatic it is to try to bring somebody, a special needs child, through an airport in general.

00:51:35.000 But now they've been selected for special screening and he has to try to explain to his daughter who's having a fit, rightfully so, as strangers are groping her and, you know, swiping, swabbing her seat.

00:51:44.000 He's trying to calm her down.

00:51:46.000 Well, you know, by holding an iPad in her face and doing whatever he can to get her to relax.

00:51:50.000 Do I have to lift her out of the seat? 1.00

00:51:51.000 He asks.

00:51:51.000 Yes, you do.

00:51:52.000 He's trying to lift her up.

00:51:53.000 She's fighting it.

00:51:54.000 My heart is breaking for this guy.

00:51:55.000 The reason I'm sitting in this glass box is because after my pat down, they ran my little piece of cloth, or they ran the gloves and the piece of cloth that they swiped the bottom of my feet with through a machine.

00:52:05.000 By the way, machines which we spent more than $30 million on to install in airports.

00:52:09.000 And this machine said, I tested positive for nitrates.

00:52:12.000 I had that happen once.

00:52:13.000 Yeah, and I pulled up, uh, so what's a nitrate?

00:52:15.000 Well, sir, it's a, you know, that could be used, it's a chemical.

00:52:18.000 Okay, what does that mean?

00:52:19.000 Well, it's a chemical.

00:52:20.000 It'll be used in a lot of things.

00:52:21.000 It doesn't, it's not a bad thing.

00:52:23.000 It's not a bad thing.

00:52:24.000 Like, this isn't a problem.

00:52:25.000 And I go, no, it is a problem because I have a flight to catch and I want to know, like, why I'm being detained longer.

00:52:29.000 Well, you tested positive for nitrate, so we have to give you an even more thorough screening.

00:52:34.000 Okay.

00:52:34.000 What else can test positive for nitrates?

00:52:37.000 Guy couldn't answer it.

00:52:38.000 Second person couldn't answer it.

00:52:39.000 Third person said...

00:52:39.000 Did they ask you if you had been to a farm?

00:52:41.000 No, they did not.

00:52:41.000 But the third guy finally said, well, the head of the security mob there said, well, if you've walked on grass that has fertilizer on it, then you might test positive for nitrates.

00:52:50.000 Even certain heart medications that seniors take can test positive for nitrates.

00:52:54.000 So I'm now stuck in a glass box, detached from my valuables, watching this poor girl... 0.98

00:52:59.000 Having a meltdown as these three people are, you know, going all over and I start to cry because it just, it breaks my heart that this is happening.

00:53:05.000 This poor guy is having to go through this and I, you know, I go to put my hand on his shoulder and tell him like, I'm sorry you have to go through this and he looks back and he's choked up.

00:53:13.000 I mean, he's been in there for a good 15 minutes trying to calm down his daughter.

00:53:17.000 So then I start questioning, why are you guys doing this?

00:53:19.000 And I'm being polite, I'm being calm, being everything you could possibly be while asking how much longer this is going to take because I have a flight to catch.

00:53:25.000 They grab my belongings and start walking them away.

00:53:28.000 And I go, excuse me, what are you doing?

00:53:29.000 You're coming here to this private screening room.

00:53:31.000 No, no, no, I don't want to be in a private screening room.

00:53:33.000 I want this enhanced pat-down to happen right here because I want my girlfriend to videotape it.

00:53:38.000 Well, no, no, no, sir.

00:53:39.000 You're going...

00:53:39.000 By this time, my belongings are in the frosted glass private screening room.

00:53:43.000 Now I'm in the private screening room with them, and there's a giant placard that says, this is a private security room.

00:53:48.000 There is no filming whatsoever.

00:53:50.000 If a TSA employee tells you to stop filming, you must see its filming immediately.

00:53:54.000 You do have the right to call in a witness to be there.

00:53:57.000 And I'm thinking, why can't the camera be my witness?

00:54:00.000 Because if I'm traveling alone, who else am I going to call? 0.99

00:54:02.000 Fucking Ghostbusters? 0.99

00:54:03.000 Am I going to bring TSA in here? 1.00

00:54:05.000 So I'm in a glass box with two dudes by myself.

00:54:07.000 He swabs me down with the gloves and then he says, I'll be right back.

00:54:09.000 I have to test this glove.

00:54:11.000 Goes, puts his hand on the handle of the door with the glove on it that he just wiped me down, opens it up and walks out on his merry way.

00:54:19.000 So I look to the other guy who's left in the room. 0.99

00:54:21.000 I'm like, what the fuck was that? 0.98

00:54:22.000 And it was like the first time I had cursed. 0.99

00:54:24.000 And he goes, what do you mean?

00:54:24.000 I'm like, he just swabbed my body down with that glove, then grabbed the handle.

00:54:28.000 If someone in here earlier did have explosives on them, and he grabbed that handle with that glove, that's now on my test.

00:54:34.000 Why isn't he testing right here?

00:54:35.000 There's a machine in the room.

00:54:36.000 Oh, sir, that machine's calibration is off.

00:54:38.000 That's why it's here.

00:54:40.000 Have it in the room because the calibration's off?

00:54:41.000 Yeah, there's a tag on it that says it needs to be serviced.

00:54:43.000 Okay, so I'm waiting.

00:54:45.000 Five minutes go by.

00:54:46.000 I strike up conversation with the guy.

00:54:47.000 Hey, That little girl out there in the wheelchair that's having the fit, and I can still hear her having a poor meltdown out there. 1.00

00:54:53.000 Why are they out there?

00:54:54.000 Well, he tested positive for nitrates as well.

00:54:57.000 Oh, he did?

00:54:58.000 Yeah.

00:54:58.000 Why's the girl there?

00:54:59.000 Oh, she tested positive for nitrates.

00:55:01.000 Oh, so all three of us have tested positive for nitrates with the one machine that's out there.

00:55:05.000 You've got another one in here that needs servicing and recalibration, and you think there's nothing wrong with this situation.

00:55:10.000 Guy comes back, tells me I'm clear, I leave the room, and I see the father is still there, struggling with his daughter.

00:55:16.000 And I'm like, I'm again, like, moved to tears.

00:55:18.000 And I ask this guy, Tell me, as a human being, do you think this is right?

00:55:21.000 Do you think this treatment for this poor girl is right?

00:55:23.000 And he goes, sir, she tested positive for nitrates. 0.99

00:55:27.000 And I went, right, I get that.

00:55:28.000 But there are many other countries who deal with terrorism on a far greater level than we do, who have a far more swifter and more common sense approach to security that doesn't demean their citizenry, that doesn't cost them millions of taxpayer dollars.

00:55:43.000 Do you think that that's right?

00:55:44.000 That that girl's having a meltdown and you're swabbing her wheelchair?

00:55:46.000 Do you really think she's a terrorist?

00:55:47.000 I'm just asking you as a human being.

00:55:49.000 And there was a long pause and he sort of looked down and looked at his shoes and I thought, good, I'm finally going to have a moment, a real moment here as a human being.

00:55:55.000 He's going to take off that TSA helmet for a second.

00:55:58.000 And he looked up and looked me right in the eyes and said, she tested positive for nitrates.

00:56:02.000 And that's when I realized this is a lost cause.

00:56:05.000 This is a losing battle here.

00:56:06.000 You're dealing with a Burger King employee.

00:56:07.000 Yeah.

00:56:08.000 I used to do a joke about it that I think that the people who work at security and the people that work at Burger King are like the same people.

00:56:14.000 It's just they reach their hand into a bucket.

00:56:16.000 Who are you today?

00:56:17.000 Oh, I got fries. 0.99

00:56:18.000 Damn, I got bomb control. 0.99

00:56:20.000 Yep. 0.99

00:56:20.000 I'm on foot swabbing or I'm on rubbing the belt line. 0.99

00:56:23.000 Well, I'm security today.

00:56:26.000 Excited. 0.99

00:56:26.000 I hate mopping that fucking floor. 0.99

00:56:28.000 I'm all for people having jobs, but we need repair infrastructure. 0.99

00:56:32.000 Run after-school programs.

00:56:34.000 Do something that benefits your community and society more than this.

00:56:38.000 Well, I see.

00:56:38.000 I think that we need security at airports.

00:56:41.000 We do.

00:56:41.000 Just because there's been so many instances in the past of people using airplanes, hijacking airplanes.

00:56:49.000 The reinforcing of the doors was the best thing that happened.

00:56:52.000 That was the one security measure that said, look, now as a society, no one will ever hijack a plane again.

00:56:56.000 If it's sourced in America, if it's flown out of here, everybody in that cabin will fight and die to make sure that plane doesn't get hijacked.

00:57:03.000 And air marshals, too.

00:57:04.000 I think air marshals are important, too. 1.00

00:57:06.000 I think it's good to have a guy up there who's an actual bad motherfucker who knows how to take care of shit if some wacky motherfucker tries to blow his shoes up. 1.00

00:57:13.000 Right. 0.99

00:57:13.000 And some people even make the argument, by the way, that guns on planes would have stopped some of 9-11. 0.99

00:57:18.000 That if someone actually had a gun on that flight, you know, and the risk of a bullet going through and the sudden loss of cabin pressure is overrated, I don't know that I subscribe to that, but I could see how that's a valid argument.

00:57:26.000 I could see how someone could make that.

00:57:28.000 We do need security, but the leaps and bounds that we've gone to are inefficient.

00:57:32.000 They don't work.

00:57:34.000 It's costing us millions and millions of dollars. 1.00

00:57:36.000 The companies suck and they're dealing with gigantic numbers of employees because they have these setups at every goddamn airport in every goddamn city all over this country. 1.00

00:57:46.000 There's a lot of fucking airports. 1.00

00:57:49.000 So there's no way they're really paying attention and monitoring it on a really intense level. 0.99

00:57:53.000 And looking at it, like, how can we make this a better experience for the people?

00:57:57.000 Except for, like, those things where you go and you put your name in and you get scanned and then you go through pre, like TSA pre.

00:58:04.000 Right, like the blue or the clear programs and stuff.

00:58:06.000 But that I have another issue with, though, because sometimes you have to pay more.

00:58:11.000 So now they're creating another tiered society where the haves don't have the inconveniences. 0.76

00:58:15.000 Don't hate on the 1%, dude.

00:58:17.000 Just because they want to get through the airport, I'm one of the guys that can afford the premium tickets so I get through the TSA. I'm blessed.

00:58:23.000 I live a good life.

00:58:24.000 I see what you have.

00:58:26.000 Listen. 1.00

00:58:27.000 Listen, motherfucker. 1.00

00:58:29.000 I'm blessed. 1.00

00:58:30.000 Did you show me the keys to your car?

00:58:31.000 Sure did.

00:58:32.000 Yeah, the keys to the Kingdoms, baby.

00:58:33.000 The A7. I love it.

00:58:34.000 Oh, beautiful.

00:58:35.000 Nice car.

00:58:36.000 Thank you.

00:58:36.000 I love it.

00:58:37.000 Wow.

00:58:37.000 You want a spaceship.

00:58:38.000 That's a spaceship.

00:58:39.000 And the technology in it, it's pretty close to a car that drives itself.

00:58:42.000 I don't touch the gas pedal anymore.

00:58:44.000 Yeah, this is the Audi A7. Which they passed today, by the way.

00:58:46.000 Self-driving cars.

00:58:47.000 Self-driving cars passed today.

00:58:48.000 Let's do it.

00:58:49.000 Awesome.

00:58:50.000 Go back to old cars.

00:58:51.000 Mine has the adaptive cruise where you press the button, it'll automatically stay.

00:58:55.000 It'll match pace with the car in front of it.

00:58:57.000 So I don't really...

00:58:58.000 Even on surface streets, like city streets, I don't really touch a gas pedal.

00:59:01.000 I get it up to speed, hit a button, and I kind of...

00:59:03.000 Really?

00:59:03.000 Yeah, it's easier to send tweets that way.

00:59:06.000 Oh, you silly bitch. 1.00

00:59:07.000 But there has been a time or two where I'm just kind of zoning out. 1.00

00:59:11.000 I'm not using my phone, but I am like, oh, the car's driving itself.

00:59:14.000 And all of a sudden...

00:59:15.000 Bling! 0.99

00:59:15.000 And it has the heads-up display, so it puts my miles per hour and my turn-by-turn on the windshield. 0.99

00:59:20.000 You're seeing it out through there.

00:59:22.000 It turns bright red, and it's like warning collision. 0.98

00:59:24.000 So I have to slam on the brakes, and I'm like, fucking R2-D2 fell asleep at my wheel. 0.99

00:59:28.000 Fucking short circuit was not paying attention. 0.99

00:59:30.000 I almost slammed into the car in front of me. 1.00

00:59:32.000 Did someone just get in front of you really quick?

00:59:33.000 No.

00:59:34.000 I mean, we were just casually going.

00:59:35.000 I mean, it's much safer to use those systems on a highway where there might not be so much start and stop.

00:59:39.000 Oh, so it hiccups?

00:59:41.000 Sometimes it's a little lax. 0.99

00:59:43.000 I'm sure it's busy processing my Bluetooth audio and goes, oh shit, you're driving! 0.97

00:59:46.000 It has to switch over to that. 0.98

00:59:48.000 My favorite car that I have is my Porsche because it's the race car.

00:59:52.000 The GT3, because it doesn't have anything in it.

00:59:55.000 It has navigation, but the navigation sucks.

00:59:57.000 Does it have seats in the back?

00:59:58.000 Yeah, no.

00:59:58.000 No seats in the back.

00:59:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:59:59.000 It has nothing.

00:59:59.000 And not only that, it doesn't do anything.

01:00:02.000 There's no heads-up display.

01:00:03.000 It's just mechanical.

01:00:05.000 It's just machine, and you shift the gears yourself.

01:00:08.000 You don't allow the thing to stop and break.

01:00:10.000 It's the exact opposite.

01:00:12.000 But that does get tiring for a lot of people, especially if you work all day.

01:00:15.000 Dude, I've got to browse Reddit.

01:00:16.000 I don't have time to shift gears.

01:00:18.000 I've got to catch up on my news.

01:00:20.000 You're joking around about that, but you really shouldn't.

01:00:23.000 No one should do it.

01:00:25.000 And no one should live out rape fantasies either. 0.71

01:00:28.000 Some girls like that, though. 1.00

01:00:29.000 I don't think anybody likes running over somebody because they were tweeting.

01:00:32.000 While driving.

01:00:35.000 Yeah.

01:00:35.000 Eventually, it's going to be really smooth where you're going to be able to accomplish that stuff as you're driving.

01:00:39.000 But I don't even trust people to even...

01:00:42.000 Well, the law just passed for self-driving cars.

01:00:43.000 How do you feel about that?

01:00:44.000 In California, they're street legal now.

01:00:46.000 It's been effective.

01:00:47.000 They've been using it, and Google's been using it for quite a while.

01:00:49.000 You could find it online.

01:00:51.000 The only known collision, or at least six months ago when I was reading about it, the only known collision in one of those Google self-driving cars was when the operator took it out of self-drive mode and was manually driving it.

01:01:01.000 But they still had to document it because it was a collision with the car.

01:01:03.000 Well, I think that I enjoy driving.

01:01:06.000 I enjoy the experience of shifting my own gears.

01:01:10.000 When you have a fun car, like the GT3, driving becomes like a ride.

01:01:16.000 I take a ride home.

01:01:17.000 Right, but not when you have a commute.

01:01:18.000 Yeah.

01:01:19.000 That's not fun. 0.87

01:01:19.000 Like shifting gears when you're stopped on the 405 and holding in a clutch, that's shitty. 0.87

01:01:24.000 And so to let my car drive and then maybe free me up to do an extra hour of productive work or focus on my book on tape, my audible.com slash Joe download to focus on that, that makes sense to me.

01:01:36.000 Oh, totally.

01:01:37.000 But you know what doesn't make sense?

01:01:38.000 That kind of traffic.

01:01:39.000 You see, we've got to figure out a way to not...

01:01:42.000 That's not going to disappear anytime soon.

01:01:43.000 I am going to disappear.

01:01:44.000 I'm not going to live like this my whole life.

01:01:46.000 I tried escaping once.

01:01:48.000 I'm going to try again.

01:01:49.000 I don't know.

01:01:49.000 I'm thinking maybe Santa Barbara.

01:01:50.000 I might try Santa Barbara for a while because it's only like an hour away.

01:01:53.000 You're going to live in the zoo?

01:01:54.000 You're going to have them build you a...

01:01:55.000 You should have them build you a little cabin in a tiger cage. 1.00

01:01:57.000 That shit bums me out. 1.00

01:01:58.000 We might be living in a fucking zoo. 1.00

01:02:00.000 How about that, pal? 1.00

01:02:01.000 How about this whole planet might be a zoo?

01:02:03.000 Look at this robot guy with his Google glasses.

01:02:05.000 Oh my god, I can't wait!

01:02:07.000 I can't wait!

01:02:09.000 Did you check out Black Mirror, by the way? 1.00

01:02:11.000 Did you guys look at that shit? 1.00

01:02:12.000 Did you watch that? 1.00

01:02:13.000 No.

01:02:14.000 So many things to watch, man.

01:02:16.000 But I did see the little Wayne deposition.

01:02:19.000 Oh my god.

01:02:20.000 Did you see that?

01:02:21.000 The one that's been making the...

01:02:22.000 Have you seen it, Brian?

01:02:23.000 You've got to pull it up.

01:02:25.000 Because I just became a Lil Wayne fan.

01:02:27.000 Oh, me too.

01:02:28.000 I was not a Lil Wayne fan up until this.

01:02:30.000 I love that dude now.

01:02:31.000 It was that Chappelle skit of I Plead the Fifth.

01:02:33.000 Yeah, I'm thinking of getting a Lil Wayne tattoo.

01:02:36.000 Okay?

01:02:36.000 That's how badass this dude is.

01:02:38.000 Yeah, man.

01:02:39.000 He's suing these people because they made a documentary about him, and apparently it has a lot of false information, according to Mr. Wayne. 0.89

01:02:47.000 And so they asked him a bunch of stupid questions at this deposition, but the way he answered it was beautiful. 0.96

01:02:53.000 It was hilarious, man. 0.99

01:02:54.000 And I love the veiled threat, which many have debated whether or not it's a threat.

01:02:58.000 Oh, don't even say it.

01:02:58.000 Don't even say it.

01:02:59.000 Wait, don't spoil it?

01:03:00.000 We're going to play it, yeah.

01:03:01.000 There you go.

01:03:05.000 It happened just a couple of days ago.

01:03:07.000 It's pretty great.

01:03:08.000 And it's hard to get without the WorldStarHipHop.

01:03:12.000 That is my new homepage, man.

01:03:13.000 What is that?

01:03:14.000 The watermark?

01:03:15.000 Watermark, yeah.

01:03:15.000 I love me some WorldStarHipHop.

01:03:17.000 Yeah, that's my problem.

01:03:18.000 If you go to my computer and you type in W in the browser, it just goes WorldStarHipHop.com. 0.94

01:03:24.000 He knows I want to see some fucked up fight footage. 0.99

01:03:27.000 Are you going to watch that Kanye sex tape when it leaks on that site? 1.00

01:03:29.000 Is there a Kanye West? 0.97

01:03:31.000 There's two of them.

01:03:32.000 Two of them? 0.81

01:03:32.000 Kanye West has sex tapes? 0.81

01:03:34.000 Yeezy. 0.94

01:03:34.000 Really? 0.94

01:03:35.000 Yeah, and there's a rumor that one of them is with the Kardashian, but apparently it's a lookalike girl.

01:03:40.000 They have a video of her for some booty shaking contest, which I love that that is a competitive sport. 1.00

01:03:44.000 Is he doing this on purpose, releasing these?

01:03:46.000 He's apparently offered millions of dollars to stop the release, so I don't know.

01:03:50.000 I doubt.

01:03:51.000 At his level at this point, why would he need to do that?

01:03:53.000 So the girls are releasing it? 1.00

01:03:54.000 No, I think they were stolen off of his computer.

01:03:57.000 Stolen off of his computer.

01:03:58.000 Stolen, which who knows if someone physically stole them or hacked in or whatever, but that's what I read.

01:04:03.000 Is this it?

01:04:03.000 Oh, Animal Practice!

01:04:05.000 Let's watch Animal Practice.

01:04:05.000 Tonight with Bobby Lee.

01:04:09.000 How would you describe your image in the media?

01:04:13.000 How would I describe my image in the media?

01:04:15.000 Yes.

01:04:16.000 I wouldn't describe it.

01:04:20.000 Well, how would you describe it if you had to?

01:04:22.000 I don't have to.

01:04:23.000 Well, what image are you portraying in the media?

01:04:26.000 I don't portray anything.

01:04:28.000 I am who I am.

01:04:29.000 And you guys portray what you get.

01:04:31.000 Well, who are you?

01:04:33.000 Who is the real...

01:04:33.000 I am Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. Okay.

01:04:36.000 Do you, uh...

01:04:39.000 Like to portray yourself as...

01:04:41.000 I just answered that and said that I don't like to portray myself as nobody.

01:04:45.000 I completely beat Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. I don't portray myself as anything.

01:04:50.000 An image is self-described.

01:04:52.000 Well, you have to wait until I'm done with the question.

01:04:54.000 I don't have to wait until anything, honestly.

01:04:56.000 I mean, this guy right here may tell me that I have to wait, but personally, I don't have to do nothing.

01:05:02.000 Go ahead, ask the question.

01:05:04.000 Thank you, Your Honor.

01:05:05.000 Do you like to...

01:05:06.000 No, he can't save you, right?

01:05:08.000 In the real world.

01:05:09.000 That guy right there.

01:05:10.000 He can't save you in the real world.

01:05:12.000 Jesus.

01:05:13.000 What does that mean?

01:05:15.000 I don't have to elaborate.

01:05:18.000 Can I ask your next question, please, Mr. Ross?

01:05:19.000 Is that a threat against us?

01:05:22.000 Mr. Ross, can you just ask your next question, please?

01:05:28.000 He can't save you.

01:05:35.000 And what does that mean?

01:05:37.000 I was talking to myself.

01:05:41.000 Oh my god.

01:05:42.000 He can't save you in the real world.

01:05:44.000 Oh my god.

01:05:45.000 Love it.

01:05:45.000 He's a beautiful human being.

01:05:47.000 Love it. 1.00

01:05:48.000 What a great fuck you to that lawyer. 1.00

01:05:50.000 That was beautiful. 1.00

01:05:51.000 Yeah.

01:05:51.000 Because that guy was talking to him in that weird formal speak that you have to do if you give a deposition.

01:05:57.000 Right.

01:05:57.000 That's not human.

01:05:59.000 It's weird.

01:06:01.000 It's almost like removing a lot of context.

01:06:04.000 It's like they speak like text messages.

01:06:06.000 There's no emotion, there's no context.

01:06:09.000 It's a legal document flowing out of someone's mouth because he's writing the question.

01:06:14.000 He's transcribing it as he goes.

01:06:16.000 It needs to sound legally correct.

01:06:17.000 Well, I thought it was brilliant that he was trying to get Little Wayne to define himself. 1.00

01:06:21.000 And what a bullshit question. 0.98

01:06:23.000 How would you describe the media's portrayal? 1.00

01:06:25.000 I wouldn't.

01:06:26.000 I wouldn't.

01:06:27.000 And it also depends what site.

01:06:29.000 Depends what outlet.

01:06:30.000 You don't have to.

01:06:31.000 How would you describe the media's portrayal of you, Joe?

01:06:34.000 Fear Factor guy.

01:06:35.000 Really?

01:06:36.000 You think that's still the case?

01:06:37.000 The UFC guy, maybe?

01:06:39.000 Maybe the UFC guy.

01:06:39.000 Meathead?

01:06:40.000 Little midget meathead? 0.99

01:06:42.000 But doesn't it depend on what outlet?

01:06:44.000 Yeah, well, it depends on whether they like you or they don't like you.

01:06:46.000 Exactly.

01:06:46.000 Sure, for sure.

01:06:47.000 It depends on whether or not they have a motivation.

01:06:49.000 I think it's pretty clear at this point that what you're getting on the news is not...

01:06:54.000 Just the information of all the things that's happening all over the world.

01:06:57.000 They have an agenda.

01:06:58.000 And if their agenda is to mock you, if you're a celebrity who they love, they might talk about you in glowing terms.

01:07:07.000 Or if you're a celebrity who...

01:07:08.000 Even if you get arrested because you slammed your SUV into a pole while doing rails of cocaine, it's like...

01:07:12.000 No, no, they wouldn't then.

01:07:14.000 Then they always talk down on you.

01:07:16.000 It depends on the celebrity.

01:07:18.000 You could be a person like Jennifer Lopez is getting married, and that's a piece of news.

01:07:22.000 Or you could be like Lindsay Lohan crashed her car again.

01:07:27.000 I think it does depend on the celebrity.

01:07:30.000 Mel Gibson had another oopsie today on the side of the road.

01:07:33.000 No, they hate that guy.

01:07:34.000 That guy's done.

01:07:35.000 But there are some celebrities that they treat with kid gloves because they're worried they won't sit down for the next junket to promote their movie.

01:07:41.000 That happens.

01:07:42.000 I don't think anymore, man.

01:07:43.000 I really don't think too many people get...

01:07:45.000 I feel like I've worked in it too much to know what people will say and won't say because they're afraid they'll lose access.

01:07:49.000 I feel like when you get a certain level of fucked-up-edness, though, drunk driving, things along those lines...

01:07:55.000 Yes, if you drown kittens in a barrel, all bets are off. 0.94

01:07:58.000 But there are some...

01:07:58.000 They'll forgive some celebrities, and they'll forgive some personalities if they feel like later on it might benefit them or if they're worried.

01:08:05.000 Certainly, if they're trying to get more interviews, I guess.

01:08:09.000 Yeah, they're worried about pulling the thing.

01:08:11.000 Like, Apple is one of those companies that blogs are afraid to write about, and it's a bit of a tangent, but they're afraid to write about them in certain negative ways because they're worried they won't be allowed into their conference or get an early review unit.

01:08:20.000 Right, that has happened.

01:08:21.000 Yeah, they pulled all the plugs for Gizmodo once Gizmodo leaked that iPhone stuff, once they got the guy's iPhone from the bar.

01:08:28.000 Oh, that's right. 0.99

01:08:29.000 They said, fuck you, Gizmodo will never get a thing again. 1.00

01:08:31.000 Still? 1.00

01:08:32.000 To this day, they still don't even get in there?

01:08:34.000 They're not going to forgive those grudges.

01:08:35.000 Wow.

01:08:36.000 How rude, Apple. 0.92

01:08:37.000 Steve Jobs is dead.

01:08:38.000 Can't we all just get along? 1.00

01:08:40.000 You fucks. 1.00

01:08:41.000 You getting the five? 1.00

01:08:42.000 What's this Black Mirror?

01:08:43.000 Yeah, I am now.

01:08:43.000 Dude, I plugged Black Mirror violently on this last podcast, and everybody was like, thank you so much for introducing me to this.

01:08:50.000 This is just one of the episodes here.

01:08:53.000 It's a Channel 4 miniseries.

01:08:55.000 I don't need to belabor it because I did it last time.

01:08:57.000 And what's it about again?

01:08:58.000 It's about near future societal issues that will come about because of the rapid changing pace of technology.

01:09:04.000 That is the seed that sprouts I find it interesting that we're talking about it as like problems in the future.

01:09:19.000 It's really not problems.

01:09:21.000 We're the problem.

01:09:22.000 The reality is the assimilation is... 0.68

01:09:24.000 Well, I said the societal issues because, like, we were talking about Google Glasses, right?

01:09:27.000 When you have the ability to life vlog, when the device is light enough, powerful enough, cheap enough, and easy enough to, I record 24 hours here, whatever I see, and I can play it back like that, that's what one of the issues, or one of the episodes is about. 0.93

01:09:40.000 So you watch a couple try to navigate a relationship where every moment is fucking recorded.

01:09:45.000 So he's like, I want to see what happened June 12th when you were with that guy at 3 p.m. 0.96

01:09:49.000 Show me that moment.

01:09:50.000 Pull it up.

01:09:51.000 You know, she's frantically trying to delete it. 1.00

01:09:53.000 Hey, when we had that argument two hours ago, you said this and it really upset me.

01:09:56.000 I didn't say it like that.

01:09:57.000 Oh, yeah?

01:09:58.000 Boom.

01:09:58.000 Pull that moment up and look at it.

01:09:59.000 That's an issue that will happen.

01:10:01.000 There's a commercial that they were running really recently about a dash cam.

01:10:05.000 They sell dash cams now so the guy pulls over someone and it's like this is a reenactment of an actual accident in New York City and the woman goes this guy hit me and the guy goes up to the cop and says would you like me to tell you what happened or show you what happened and the cops what do you mean he goes I have a dashboard camera and it shows him the camera and clearly shows the woman hitting him right so he goes ma'am let me just tell you that lying to an officer is you know a crime Do you want to go to jail?

01:10:32.000 Tell me the truth.

01:10:33.000 And she goes, okay, I hit him.

01:10:35.000 Yeah.

01:10:36.000 If you search for Russian dash cam or Russian insurance fraud dash cam.

01:10:40.000 Okay, but hold on.

01:10:41.000 Is that bad?

01:10:42.000 What?

01:10:43.000 Because it seems like the guy's protected from accidents.

01:10:45.000 That seems good.

01:10:46.000 That seems good. 1.00

01:10:47.000 And maybe like a cop beating your ass. 1.00

01:10:49.000 That's another possibility. 1.00

01:10:51.000 Some cop who's having a hard day decides to kick your ass because he thinks no one's watching. 0.99

01:10:55.000 I certainly didn't mean to imply that technology will only lead to negative societal consequences. 0.99

01:11:01.000 This miniseries just happens to explore them in that way.

01:11:03.000 Just the negative ones.

01:11:04.000 Yeah, it does it in a beautiful, poetic way.

01:11:06.000 With that said, you know this, I'm a proponent of the point of singularity.

01:11:11.000 Of the Borg.

01:11:11.000 I want transcendentalism.

01:11:14.000 Like, put as much plastic, put PC parts in me. 1.00

01:11:18.000 Of course, you're already not driving your fucking car. 0.99

01:11:19.000 Exactly, let's go. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Put it in me.

01:11:21.000 I wanted to get RFID chip back when RFID first came out so I could have all my credit cards, my remote entry, and my badges to my work.

01:11:28.000 I wanted them all to be put in there so I could just swipe my hand.

01:11:31.000 You know, that was one thing that the...

01:11:33.000 What are you watching, Brian?

01:11:34.000 Is this an accident?

01:11:35.000 Yeah, I think what happened is this lady backs into a cop and what I'm guessing is that she's going to say something like, you ran into the back of me. 0.99

01:11:41.000 Well, there are great videos of people in China and Russia running at cars that are parked in the streets and then leaping onto the hoods and rolling off and then getting up and going, oh, my back!

01:11:51.000 But they're literally charging the cars.

01:11:53.000 What were you just saying before Brian showed this video?

01:11:55.000 Talking about transhumanism, about the RFID chip where you swipe and have it put in your hand.

01:12:00.000 Oh, that's it.

01:12:01.000 Mythbusters said that that was the one episode that they were not allowed to air.

01:12:06.000 They couldn't do an episode on the RFID chips.

01:12:08.000 They were told by their network that that was a subject of interest they could not explore.

01:12:13.000 You know what happened with those guys?

01:12:14.000 I don't know if you heard the story, but they were going to do it, and the guys behind the RFID tech and chip makers said, Yeah, we just want to get on the phone with you to discuss the technology and discuss the show before we help you out or whatever.

01:12:25.000 And so they hopped on the line, and on the other side of the line was like 40 lawyers from credit card companies, from security firms, saying you cannot do this episode.

01:12:34.000 You cannot talk about RFID. 0.99

01:12:36.000 It is the most unsecure fucking system in the world. 1.00

01:12:38.000 Absolutely unsecure. 0.98

01:12:40.000 You can build cheap Pringles can readers for them, pull the data right off of them, you can hack them, you can clone them.

01:12:46.000 There's good videos of the... 0.63

01:12:47.000 Okay, well, why don't you explain to everybody who doesn't know, what the fuck does RFID mean?

01:12:52.000 It's remote, I believe it's remote frequency identification. 0.69

01:12:55.000 It's basically, think of a chip the size of a grain of rice, or sometimes they're like flat.

01:12:58.000 They're very, very low to no power devices that can be passively read.

01:13:02.000 So if you have a beacon, a reader, they...

01:13:03.000 So they can put it in your phone, they can put it in your clothes.

01:13:06.000 Phone, clothes, they use it like security systems in malls.

01:13:09.000 When you walk through a reader, that's because a lot of them are RFID based.

01:13:11.000 It has pinged the product and that sent it off and said, "Okay, this is a security barrier being reached." Those little credit cards, when you tap them to readers, a lot of that is RFID.

01:13:20.000 Some of it is near field communication, which is a slightly different standard that's coming about now, but there's a lot of RFID.

01:13:25.000 Swiping for security in buildings, that all exists.

01:13:28.000 It's been hacked to high heaven.

01:13:30.000 You can buy RFID readers.

01:13:31.000 You can read all the information.

01:13:33.000 You can hack it.

01:13:33.000 Passports that have RFID in them now.

01:13:35.000 They're very unsafe.

01:13:37.000 People can pull out your info.

01:13:38.000 They can clone it.

01:13:39.000 They can copy it.

01:13:40.000 I'm not entirely sure.

01:13:42.000 There's great videos of BMWs now being hacked.

01:13:45.000 They sell blank keys that you can code the wireless key start on them.

01:13:49.000 And there's a pretty easy process to just pop it into the car.

01:13:51.000 And have it write the new key code to it, like a dealer kind of thing.

01:13:54.000 And you can start the cars and drive off.

01:13:56.000 Now, they fixed it since, and it's not just a BMW thing, but these guys can be read and hacked.

01:14:02.000 And that's why they don't want the Mythbusters to talk about it, because we're now building foundations, and we're building institutions in our daily lives that are built on faulty security premises.

01:14:14.000 Like, we're all becoming very comfortable with near-field communication and tapping things and whatever, and yet they're completely hackable and easily cloned and easily broken.

01:14:21.000 Is it something that can be fixed in the future and they don't want to alert people before they develop a fix for it?

01:14:27.000 Well, look, if they've invested millions of dollars in creating new systems and transitioning their key cards and passports to this technology, the last thing they want is a security concern.

01:14:36.000 But this is an age-old problem.

01:14:38.000 Security is always an issue.

01:14:39.000 It's built by a human being.

01:14:41.000 It'll be broken by a human being.

01:14:42.000 So there's no really fixing it.

01:14:44.000 You can make it stronger.

01:14:45.000 You can make it smarter.

01:14:46.000 Sure.

01:14:46.000 There's no real fixing it.

01:14:48.000 So the future of the world when it comes to technology and it is dependent upon our cooperation because at some point in time We're going to all have access to anything.

01:15:05.000 Essentially, we're going to all be readable.

01:15:08.000 Everywhere we go.

01:15:09.000 All the time.

01:15:10.000 We're heading that way right now.

01:15:11.000 It's almost like it's setting itself up so that no one can ever really truly be in control.

01:15:17.000 And that it does have to be sort of a group decision at the very top.

01:15:20.000 Because at a certain point in time, like right now, who's tracking us?

01:15:24.000 In what regard?

01:15:25.000 What I'm saying is, right now, if you're looking at technology, right now, the government's tracking us.

01:15:30.000 They have GPS in your phone.

01:15:33.000 So is Facebook and Apple.

01:15:34.000 There's GPS in your phone.

01:15:36.000 The GPS in your phone knows exactly where your location is.

01:15:39.000 But at a certain point in time, I'm going to know where your location is, too.

01:15:42.000 It's not going to just be the government.

01:15:43.000 It's going to be anybody who wants to know.

01:15:45.000 It's going to get to the point where everything is going to be accessible.

01:15:49.000 Well, we'll accept that for convenience.

01:15:52.000 There are apps now that allow me to find my friends, or there's an app where I can send you a temporary GPS tracking token for my phone.

01:15:59.000 So if we're all trying to meet up at a restaurant or an amusement park, you don't have to text me and say, dude, where are you?

01:16:03.000 You can pull me up on a map and see that I'm five minutes away, and it'll give you what street I'm on.

01:16:07.000 So we'll accept some of that in the name of convenience.

01:16:09.000 And fun.

01:16:11.000 It's fun.

01:16:12.000 At Coachella, oh, hey, look, we're all little dots running around.

01:16:14.000 Let's play a Pac-Man game.

01:16:15.000 That's pretty dope, actually.

01:16:16.000 Yeah, no, that will be cool, and we'll accept that to an extent, but then we will also have privacy controls, which A, will likely be able to be hacked, and B, the government will not, they'll ignore those.

01:16:26.000 The government, man! 0.98

01:16:27.000 They fucking will, though. 0.99

01:16:28.000 Did you see that Apple has a trademark or a patent on a technology that allows the government to disable the recording of a phone? 0.98

01:16:37.000 Yes.

01:16:37.000 It allows people to shut off the phone's video capabilities remotely so that you can't videotape protests.

01:16:46.000 Or they don't specifically say protest.

01:16:48.000 That's the best reason for it.

01:16:49.000 Why else would you want it?

01:16:50.000 It's for your security is what they say.

01:16:51.000 For your security.

01:16:52.000 Why would it ever be in your best interest to not be able to videotape something?

01:16:56.000 We need a new digital bill of rights that says that if...

01:16:58.000 By the way, let me just say for the record that the reason for developing this technology is that Apple is involved in many patent lawsuits and all... 0.84

01:17:07.000 And so when it comes to the ability to record bands, you're getting to a point where the new phone has 8 megapixels, the fucking video's fantastic.

01:17:16.000 You can almost get something that you could put out and it would be a really good version of it. 0.99

01:17:22.000 And the problem with that is you could record people and then put their shit online. 0.97

01:17:27.000 So they want to be able to have a concert and say, well, you can't record this concert. 1.00

01:17:30.000 Especially for stand-up comedians, it becomes a real problem when you go to a town and everybody knows your shit. 0.84

01:17:36.000 So, that's Apple's idea, is that they would set it up so that if there was a concert, you couldn't record the concert, they would shut off. 0.96

01:17:43.000 But A, I still think that's a huge security concern.

01:17:46.000 I mean, that could be a wild security concern as well. 0.98

01:17:49.000 Well, it's an awesome move for fucking Samsung. 0.98

01:17:53.000 Because everybody's just going to want to go Android. 0.99

01:17:55.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:55.000 I mean, yeah.

01:17:56.000 They'll be like, fuck this. 0.99

01:17:58.000 Or they'll build the feature into their phones and then have to pay Apple millions of dollars once they sue. 0.99

01:18:02.000 Right.

01:18:02.000 One of the two will happen there.

01:18:03.000 How does that work now?

01:18:04.000 There's a great app.

01:18:05.000 The name is escaping me, but it actually stitches together multiple recordings based off of visual cues and audio waveforms and time codes.

01:18:13.000 So if you're at a concert, if you're at a Coachella, and there's 40 people in the crowd that are filming it with their iPhones, they can all upload their video, and it will stitch those angles together.

01:18:21.000 Right.

01:18:22.000 As best as it can so you can kind of jump around.

01:18:24.000 That's badass.

01:18:25.000 That's getting awesome.

01:18:26.000 That's crazy.

01:18:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:18:27.000 That's fucking cool. 0.99

01:18:29.000 Dude, that's a mind-fucking-aff, isn't it? 0.96

01:18:31.000 But you won't be using it and streaming it live thanks to Verizon's data caps.

01:18:34.000 Aww.

01:18:35.000 What is Verizon's data caps now? 0.97

01:18:36.000 Any company that's selling limited data plans right now is stifling innovation and fucking consumers over and fucking over entire industries.

01:18:45.000 Who doesn't have limited? 0.95

01:18:46.000 Sprint's the only one, but they barely have a network.

01:18:48.000 They have a decent network.

01:18:49.000 I've been using it, dude, for Tang, and it's good.

01:18:53.000 It's a shadow of what AT&T and Verizon provide.

01:18:56.000 As far as 4G, maybe.

01:18:58.000 Right.

01:18:58.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:18:59.000 But not as far as coverage.

01:19:00.000 No, no, no.

01:19:01.000 It's fine for coverage.

01:19:02.000 But the problem is that now we're training customers and consumers to second-guess their decisions when it comes to data.

01:19:09.000 Like, could you imagine on your home computer second-guessing downloading World of Warcraft?

01:19:12.000 Well, you might because you don't play it.

01:19:13.000 But downloading a movie, streaming Netflix, any of those things.

01:19:16.000 Because you're worried about the money.

01:19:17.000 You're worried about the data cap.

01:19:19.000 We're going back, we're regressing from unlimited back to the days of you got 90 free hours or 4 free megs on Prodigy.

01:19:25.000 So it used to be unlimited and then with the iPhone it really kind of clogged up the network, right?

01:19:30.000 That was the big concern with AT&T. With smartphones in general, that signaled the shift from being a traditional voice device to now I rarely make calls on my phone.

01:19:39.000 I'm sending texts, I'm streaming videos, I'm tweeting, I'm on Reddit, Facebook.

01:19:43.000 We never talk on the phone.

01:19:45.000 Text each other.

01:19:45.000 Yeah, and we Skype because it's easier to see you.

01:19:47.000 I feel like you're so close to me.

01:19:49.000 You can cuddle me through the internet.

01:19:50.000 But to that point, I did like two Skype sessions on the road with a Verizon little 4G hotspot, a little jetpack, and I used up 3.9 gigs in just like an hour of video chat.

01:20:00.000 And so now I was afraid to check emails and do work.

01:20:02.000 And I'm like, this is bad for an entire industry.

01:20:04.000 This will stifle innovation because the Instagram of video might not get created.

01:20:09.000 If it takes up too much bandwidth.

01:20:10.000 Well, why is cellular so much more expensive than, say, broadband?

01:20:14.000 Because they can.

01:20:14.000 Is that all it is?

01:20:15.000 Because they can.

01:20:16.000 They would say it's because it's more expensive to launch the satellites and the bandwidth itself is crazy expensive.

01:20:21.000 I mean, you can throttle during peak usage, but there's no reason to limit how much data I can suck down at 3 a.m.

01:20:26.000 Your network is not that congested.

01:20:29.000 The air is there.

01:20:30.000 Is it more expensive for them if people use more?

01:20:33.000 Well, it's more taxing on their system and their infrastructure.

01:20:36.000 That's what I was going to ask you.

01:20:36.000 Or is it that their system can't handle it?

01:20:38.000 Sure.

01:20:39.000 I mean, at some point, yes, it gets to that.

01:20:41.000 So that's a way of limiting it, by getting people to pay more?

01:20:44.000 Right, but the price of...

01:20:45.000 I mean, there's been studies that show that what you pay now for bandwidth, even though it is more expensive and it's faster, what you pay now for bandwidth is exponentially higher than what you used to pay.

01:20:54.000 And bandwidth should be getting cheaper.

01:20:56.000 And the problem that I had, like I went in to get a jetpack from Verizon, and A, you have to pay to be a new customer, right?

01:21:01.000 Just to put you in a system.

01:21:02.000 You have to pay for the SIM card, essentially, that they're going to pop into your device, that you're going to tether to the account.

01:21:08.000 You have to pay for the device itself, sign up for a contract.

01:21:12.000 Then, with their data plans, you have to pay for the data, you have to buy the bandwidth, the four gigs a month, and you have to pay extra to tether to the device that you just bought, that you're under contract for.

01:21:22.000 You have to pay to tether that to the data. 0.99

01:21:24.000 Like, I don't mean to get on the nerdiest soapbox in the fucking world, but that is bullshit. 0.99

01:21:28.000 That's like going into a restaurant, paying to go into the door, paying to sit down for your table, ordering water. 0.99

01:21:34.000 You have to pay for the water, pay for the cup that it's going to go into, and then when you go to drink the water, they're like, no, no, no, no, you have to tether a straw to that water.

01:21:40.000 I know you just bought that one, you're paying monthly, you're paying out the ass for it, even though it's just coming from a garden hose, but you gotta pay to tether a straw to sip that water. 0.99

01:21:48.000 It's fucking highway robbery. 0.99

01:21:50.000 Is that gonna get better? 1.00

01:21:52.000 Maybe.

01:21:53.000 How can you fix that?

01:21:54.000 You'd have to have more companies get involved, right?

01:21:56.000 There's got to be collusion going on because once Verizon announces we're going to do this type of a data plan, AT&T follows suit.

01:22:03.000 Sooner or later, Sprint will, once their network gets more popular and the devices get sold there.

01:22:07.000 Verizon can't, you can't use data and calls at the same time, even under 4G, under the new phone.

01:22:13.000 On the new iPhone, you can't.

01:22:15.000 I think you can on LTE, can you not?

01:22:16.000 You can on LTE. Because it reverts to the 3G network.

01:22:18.000 You can on every single phone except the iPhone.

01:22:22.000 On Verizon's network.

01:22:23.000 You can or can't?

01:22:24.000 You can't.

01:22:26.000 Fantastic.

01:22:27.000 You can't do it on the iPhone, but you can do that on every single phone except the iPhone.

01:22:32.000 So if you buy the Galaxy S3, you can do it.

01:22:35.000 I love the Galaxy.

01:22:36.000 I hate those commercials. 0.99

01:22:38.000 No better way to make me not give a shit about your product than by spending three minutes of airtime telling me that I'm a douchebag. 0.98

01:22:44.000 Why are you watching commercials? 0.99

01:22:45.000 I don't watch commercials.

01:22:46.000 Well, they happen before web videos now, and sometimes they're hard to skip. 0.98

01:22:49.000 I just fucking close my eyes and hit mute.

01:22:51.000 What do you think about the Samsung Note? 1.00

01:22:53.000 You can't get me, bitch. 1.00

01:22:54.000 Have you played with the Note? 1.00

01:22:55.000 I haven't really thought about the Note much.

01:22:56.000 I'm not a tablet kind of guy.

01:22:57.000 The Galaxy Note phone that's sort of a half tablet.

01:22:59.000 Oh, that one.

01:23:00.000 We reviewed it on Attack when I was still there.

01:23:03.000 What?

01:23:03.000 It's delicious.

01:23:04.000 Holding a giant tablet to your head?

01:23:06.000 I have big hands.

01:23:06.000 It doesn't bother me.

01:23:08.000 I like it.

01:23:08.000 It looks like a Bluetooth headset on you.

01:23:10.000 It does not on me.

01:23:11.000 I love it.

01:23:11.000 It's not on me.

01:23:12.000 I need it in my life.

01:23:13.000 You haven't seen those commercials though where they show people waiting in line for the iPhone?

01:23:16.000 Oh yeah, I have. 0.99

01:23:16.000 It makes them look like assholes talking about the incremental features. 0.99

01:23:19.000 I'm like, listen, spend your 30 seconds telling me why your phone is better, which they barely do in the commercial. 1.00

01:23:24.000 They just spend time trying to make me feel like an asshole because I use an iPhone. 0.98

01:23:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:28.000 I'm not opposed to your advice. 0.99

01:23:29.000 It's a good tactic.

01:23:30.000 It's a political tactic.

01:23:30.000 Not at all.

01:23:31.000 It's a terrible tactic.

01:23:32.000 It's like Mitt Romney's doing.

01:23:33.000 Because if you want to tap into a guy like me.

01:23:34.000 Making fun of Obama.

01:23:35.000 Sell his product.

01:23:36.000 He's selling Mitt Romney by making fun of Obama.

01:23:38.000 I mean, that's what he's doing.

01:23:39.000 He's doing a great job of selling it, too.

01:23:41.000 He's doing a great job.

01:23:42.000 He knows he has to get just the 53% of the country that pays tacos.

01:23:46.000 Yeah.

01:23:47.000 Those are his people. 1.00

01:23:48.000 Fuck the freeloaders. 1.00

01:23:49.000 Don't care about them. 1.00

01:23:50.000 It's everybody else. 0.98

01:23:50.000 Anybody who doesn't pay income tax, he doesn't give a fuck about. 0.98

01:23:53.000 That was one of the biggest gaffes in political history. 0.97

01:23:55.000 That wasn't a gaffe, though.

01:23:57.000 No, it's not.

01:23:57.000 Well, it is a gaffe because you don't think George Bush Sr., George Bush W., you don't think those guys think the exact same way.

01:24:05.000 Well, that's what I mean.

01:24:05.000 Yeah, it was a gaffe in the sense that it got out and he said it, but that's what they really think.

01:24:09.000 Of course, he's a businessman.

01:24:10.000 Of course that's what they think.

01:24:10.000 There's never been a businessman that looked out for people.

01:24:14.000 You think about a guy like, and he's a ruthless businessman.

01:24:17.000 When you get to be...

01:24:18.000 The Bain Capital of the world?

01:24:19.000 You get hundreds of millions of dollars of profit, ladies and gentlemen.

01:24:22.000 You don't do it by doing what's best for people.

01:24:25.000 You do it by doing what's best for your company.

01:24:27.000 You do it by maximizing ones and zeros.

01:24:31.000 That's it.

01:24:31.000 And you do it at the expense of humanity.

01:24:33.000 It's a creepy idea that a businessman...

01:24:36.000 There's no soul on the spreadsheet.

01:24:37.000 You're a one and a zero.

01:24:38.000 You're a bottom line to a businessman.

01:24:40.000 That's it.

01:24:40.000 This smacks of racism.

01:24:42.000 I am not an Obama fan.

01:24:43.000 I do not like what he's done as far as civil liberties go.

01:24:46.000 I think as a human being, he seems like a great guy. 1.00

01:24:49.000 I don't understand why he's such a shit president. 0.99

01:24:52.000 Because as a human being, I see the way he interacts with people. 1.00

01:24:56.000 He seems like a genuine fun guy.

01:24:58.000 You hear stories of him in college.

01:25:00.000 He smoked a lot of weed.

01:25:02.000 But it's super, super disappointing to me.

01:25:08.000 There's a big difference between him and Mitt Romney. 0.66

01:25:11.000 Mitt Romney is a creepy-ass businessman and the idea that this guy being a businessman would somehow or another be better for this country I don't believe you think that. 0.99

01:25:21.000 I think you're racist. 0.99

01:25:23.000 That's what I think it is.

01:25:24.000 I think there's a lot of people that just want to believe that Mitt Romney would do a better job because he's a businessman and he would get things done.

01:25:33.000 Obama's for the redistribution of wealth.

01:25:34.000 But then you press them about it. 0.97

01:25:36.000 They really don't even know what the fuck that means. 0.79

01:25:39.000 90% of the people that talk about Obama being for the redistribution of wealth They don't even understand what the real concern amongst these socialist ideas are. 0.97

01:25:46.000 Most of what he's saying is really not a redistribution of wealth in the classical sense. 0.99

01:25:50.000 It's not like trying to steal money from people and Robin Hood the motherfucker. 0.99

01:25:54.000 But you talk to a guy like Mitt Romney and he will put ones and zeros ahead of people for fucking sure. 0.99

01:26:00.000 And he will think that if rich people get richer, they will make more jobs for the poor people and the poor people will be okay. 0.75

01:26:06.000 And he will cut away funding and he will ultimately do things that are not good for people that are struggling.

01:26:12.000 That's what I believe.

01:26:13.000 When you talk about his tax policies and you find out that middle class people will actually have to pay more money.

01:26:18.000 Taxes are going up on him.

01:26:19.000 An average $2,000 more per year. 1.00

01:26:22.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:26:25.000 For a guy who paid 14%. 1.00

01:26:26.000 Yeah, it's incredible that people would say that this guy seems like he'd be a good choice.

01:26:32.000 I say even for what he's saying he would do, I don't believe that he's going to do anything he says he'll do.

01:26:37.000 Because Obama didn't do anything he said he would do.

01:26:38.000 He didn't close down Guantanamo Bay. 0.99

01:26:40.000 He didn't stop fucking with the medical pot shops. 0.96

01:26:42.000 He didn't do anything he said he was going to do. 0.96

01:26:45.000 He didn't pull out of Iraq until years after.

01:26:47.000 We're still there, by the way.

01:26:49.000 We never really pull out. 0.99

01:26:50.000 We have a fucking enormous base there, filled with soldiers. 0.99

01:26:53.000 There's no pulling out. 0.99

01:26:54.000 There's no pulling out anywhere.

01:26:55.000 We have bases in a hundred countries plus.

01:26:59.000 But just what Mitt Romney says he would do, I'm like, you really want that? 1.00

01:27:05.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

01:27:07.000 Fuck you, you don't want that. 1.00

01:27:08.000 You just want a white guy. 1.00

01:27:10.000 I've talked to people, and I'm like, listening to the things they're saying, and they don't even really know what the fuck Mitt Romney stands for. 0.99

01:27:16.000 They don't know what he's done. 0.97

01:27:17.000 And I think that is true.

01:27:19.000 I don't necessarily know that their decision, though, is rooted in racism.

01:27:22.000 I think it's just kind of rooted in a general ignorance about what he's really done.

01:27:26.000 There's that, but there's also this wanting...

01:27:28.000 Certainly there's a swath of racists out there. 0.74

01:27:30.000 Look, he's a Mormon. 0.93

01:27:33.000 I can't say that enough. 0.99

01:27:34.000 That's a silly thing to be. 0.92

01:27:37.000 I have friends who are Mormons.

01:27:38.000 That hasn't really come up in a way that I thought it would.

01:27:41.000 Well, you can't.

01:27:42.000 You can't really bring it up because there's a lot of people in this country that are religious.

01:27:45.000 And if you start making fun of religion, you're going to lose a big giant chunk of them.

01:27:49.000 No one is saying, ladies and gentlemen, there's no God.

01:27:51.000 I am the last person to say there's no God.

01:27:53.000 You know why?

01:27:54.000 Because I haven't died, and because I've experienced some things in this life that are completely unexplainable.

01:28:00.000 I'm not sure that reality makes any sense.

01:28:03.000 I'm not sure that reality is just something you can touch and feel.

01:28:08.000 I have a feeling there's many more layers to this that we're not perceiving.

01:28:11.000 There could easily be something like a God, but I'll tell you what's not real.

01:28:16.000 Mormonism. 0.98

01:28:16.000 It's not real that a fucking kid in 1820 who was 14 years old, a kid named Joseph Smith, found golden tablets that contained the lost work of Jesus and that only he could read them because he had a magic rock. 0.98

01:28:29.000 An ex-con, by the way. 0.99

01:28:30.000 Yeah.

01:28:31.000 Well, not at 14 he wasn't.

01:28:32.000 At 14 he was just a con man.

01:28:35.000 He became an ex-con.

01:28:36.000 And a polygamist, by the way. 1.00

01:28:37.000 They fucking took over Europe because he wanted to bang multiple bitches. 1.00

01:28:40.000 He didn't want to be married to one broad... 1.00

01:28:42.000 The idea that you think that that guy had it all wrapped up, that he was the messiah, that he was the prophet, you're a fucking idiot, okay? 1.00

01:28:50.000 That's a Dr. Seuss book. 1.00

01:28:51.000 It's not even a good Dr. Seuss book.

01:28:53.000 He found a magic rock so he could read the tablets.

01:28:57.000 That's nonsense.

01:28:58.000 So if you're saying that you are a nonsense person, no, you can't be the president. 0.97

01:29:04.000 At least, like, Christianity, and at least Islam. 0.79

01:29:10.000 We don't know the people who wrote them. 1.00

01:29:12.000 This old, old, old, old, old shit. 0.99

01:29:15.000 When things get over a thousand years old, it gets super blurry as to who really wrote it. 0.99

01:29:20.000 But we know the guy who wrote the Book of Mormon! 1.00

01:29:23.000 We know the fucking guy! 0.97

01:29:24.000 You can read the wiki and see how it all got started, because Jball17 lays it out. 0.98

01:29:30.000 Did you know that they believe that there's another planet, and then the Osmond brothers had an album based on this planet?

01:29:37.000 Yes. 0.99

01:29:38.000 What is the fucking planet? 1.00

01:29:40.000 The Mormon planet? 1.00

01:29:40.000 Like Kleptar. 1.00

01:29:41.000 Oh, something ridiculous. 0.96

01:29:43.000 Mormon planet Osmond. 1.00

01:29:49.000 say this you know people say who the fuck you fucking atheist fucking this i i am not an atheist i'm not an atheist but i am not a believer in bullshit and it's a weird thing to me that in this day and age you can look at something that obvious and people resist the idea that that's bullshit you resist the idea that did jesus really come back from the dead do I'm not saying Jesus didn't exist. 1.00

01:30:12.000 I don't fucking know that Jesus existed. 1.00

01:30:13.000 But I guarantee you, he didn't fucking just die and magically come back to life. 0.99

01:30:18.000 And it's written down. 1.00

01:30:19.000 And because some crazy fucks that wrote a bunch of other questionable shit down, that clearly thought that slavery was okay, Clearly treated women as second-class citizens. 1.00

01:30:30.000 Clearly said that you should fucking be killed if you wear two different types of cloth at the same time. 1.00

01:30:34.000 I mean, there's so much Looney Tunes shit with that book. 1.00

01:30:38.000 You can't live your life based on it. 0.99

01:30:40.000 But the Mormons figured out the loophole for banging multiple wives at the same time. 1.00

01:30:44.000 You gotta hand them that, and I could see why someone would subscribe to that.

01:30:47.000 The planet is called Kolob.

01:30:50.000 Yeah.

01:30:51.000 K-O-L-O-B. And the Osmonds have in their album, well they have one album called Kolob.

01:31:00.000 And if you pull up the image of it, Brian, Osmond Brothers, K-O-L-O-B, it's really weird because they have pictures drawn inside of what they think.

01:31:09.000 Of the planet, of what it would look like, artist renderings.

01:31:11.000 I met Donny Osmond.

01:31:12.000 Donny Osmond, I did his show a couple times.

01:31:15.000 I did the Donny and Marie show with the news radio cast, and I did it by myself once. 0.97

01:31:19.000 And Donny Osmond is a very nice guy, but I showed him some pictures of some, I think some girl pulled her tits out at the comedy store. 0.95

01:31:31.000 Oh no, that's not what it was. 0.99

01:31:33.000 It was a black hooker when I was filming filming. 1.00

01:31:36.000 Let's film it Fear Factor. 1.00

01:31:38.000 I took this picture of this black hooker who's walking down the street eating a sandwich. 1.00

01:31:43.000 It's like the great Sasquatch photo from the Patterson Gimlin footage. 0.99

01:31:49.000 Half obscured by a telephone pole as she's eating the sandwich.

01:31:52.000 It's the greatest photo.

01:31:53.000 I might have found a spaghetti.

01:31:54.000 It's the greatest photo.

01:31:55.000 I don't even know if it can be found online.

01:31:56.000 If you can find it online. 0.93

01:31:58.000 Google hooker cheeseburger.

01:32:00.000 Is it online? 0.95

01:32:01.000 No.

01:32:01.000 She was eating a meatball sub, and she pulled her tit out, and she's got a meatball sub in her hand, and she's got a blonde wig.

01:32:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:32:09.000 And she pulled her tit out for me. 1.00

01:32:10.000 Well, she was a hooker. 1.00

01:32:11.000 She was trying to drum up some business. 0.99

01:32:12.000 I think that was a viral for Subway.

01:32:13.000 I think she lost her sign, and she was just pointing for a meatball sub. 0.99

01:32:17.000 I was there.

01:32:17.000 It was real.

01:32:18.000 The universe smiled upon me.

01:32:20.000 So you show it to Donnie.

01:32:21.000 I showed this to Donnie. 1.00

01:32:22.000 And I go, check this shit out. 1.00

01:32:23.000 I got this fucking picture today on the set. 1.00

01:32:26.000 And Donny Osmond looked at me like I just ate his cat in front of him. 0.99

01:32:31.000 He looked at me like I just gave him poison, shattered his world, ruined his chances at heaven.

01:32:37.000 I wish you were recording that reaction.

01:32:38.000 The poor guy was shocked.

01:32:39.000 I mean, he was legitimately shocked.

01:32:41.000 And I thought about it, I was like...

01:32:42.000 How has this guy gotten through show business?

01:32:45.000 And I've met, like, Bret Michaels.

01:32:47.000 He was a very nice guy.

01:32:48.000 I met Tom Sizemore.

01:32:49.000 I met some real freaks, you know, and they were very nice guys that, you know, have gotten through this high level of show business.

01:32:54.000 I'm like, how is this guy, like, so weird?

01:32:57.000 How is he so weird? 1.00

01:33:00.000 He's freaked out by pussy! 1.00

01:33:01.000 Has he seen Cake Farts or Two Girls, One Cup? 1.00

01:33:03.000 I don't think he's seen anything.

01:33:04.000 Because that needs to be a mission.

01:33:05.000 He's a super Mormon.

01:33:06.000 We need to get that in front of him.

01:33:08.000 Great.

01:33:08.000 We need to get it in front of him and record that reaction.

01:33:10.000 Listen to Marie order him around.

01:33:12.000 It was magical.

01:33:13.000 Is this your photo?

01:33:14.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:33:15.000 That's a real photo.

01:33:16.000 I can't show it.

01:33:16.000 You can't show it?

01:33:17.000 Yes, you can.

01:33:17.000 Oh, because of Ustream?

01:33:18.000 Really? 0.99

01:33:19.000 Listen, it's a woman's breast. 0.99

01:33:20.000 Let's take a chance. 0.98

01:33:21.000 Scroll it up real quick.

01:33:22.000 It's a real woman.

01:33:23.000 Look at that.

01:33:25.000 It got flashed by the flashing.

01:33:27.000 The woman, the breasts, was, I mean, it was perfect.

01:33:30.000 That's fantastic.

01:33:31.000 It draped over the hand.

01:33:33.000 It's literally like those photos on the moon where they're standing in a spotlight, where they're like, there's no way this could have actually been, like, set up that perfectly. 1.00

01:33:42.000 And it was a stupid-ass camera, too. 1.00

01:33:44.000 It was a shitty, like, Motorola flip phone. 1.00

01:33:47.000 Motorola E815, I think. 0.89

01:33:48.000 It's not even, like, one megapixel, I don't think.

01:33:51.000 I mean, I think it was maybe one megapixel.

01:33:53.000 It might have been a megapixel.

01:33:54.000 But it just was the perfect photo.

01:33:56.000 The lighting was perfect.

01:33:58.000 I love that picture.

01:33:59.000 I love that picture.

01:34:00.000 That is proof that there is a God.

01:34:01.000 Because they smiled favorably upon you and gave you that moment in this world.

01:34:04.000 Beautifully lit.

01:34:05.000 I feel like there's something to that.

01:34:07.000 And perfectly lit. 0.98

01:34:08.000 And it was my background image on my computer, but every time I would open it up on a plane, I'd get fucking shitty looks from people. 0.98

01:34:13.000 I had... 0.97

01:34:13.000 I would try to put folders in front of her tit, but... 0.97

01:34:17.000 You try to cover it up.

01:34:18.000 People would still get mad at me.

01:34:19.000 Icons on the privates.

01:34:20.000 Yeah, I tried to put them in there that people would still like, what?

01:34:23.000 Really?

01:34:23.000 I still leave landmines in my phone, like in my photo, just in the photo roll, because every now and then someone might pick up a phone, or if I'm on a set, I always make sure the wallpaper's interesting in case the phone goes off, so someone sees like just dudes fisting each other.

01:34:36.000 Something brilliant.

01:34:36.000 And they always kind of look at, oh, your phone, you got a tip, and they never finish what I got.

01:34:40.000 You got to, oh, okay.

01:34:41.000 It's my favorite thing in the world.

01:34:43.000 He's just thinking, like, this is the guy who calls him, and then he sees the picture of guys fisting when this guy calls him.

01:34:48.000 But no, it's every call.

01:34:49.000 Yeah, it's the default wallpaper. 0.90

01:34:52.000 There was a while where it was a Photoshop of me getting fucked by Ryan Seacrest, which someone had made for me, and put it on a cake.

01:34:58.000 To celebrate me going on E! News. 0.96

01:35:00.000 It's a brilliant photo.

01:35:01.000 That is one of my favorite things though about the iPhone is that big-ass picture that comes up and someone calls.

01:35:06.000 I think that is amazing.

01:35:08.000 That to me is like very futuristic.

01:35:10.000 Like if you call me and I look at my phone and I see your face, I'm like, wow, that's kind of crazy. 0.86

01:35:14.000 That still fucking trips me out.

01:35:16.000 Like FaceTime is getting there, but the ability to click and it's them video calling you, that's where it's at. 0.96

01:35:22.000 Did you find Kolob yet?

01:35:24.000 K-O-L-O-B. K-O-L-O-B. Yeah, you gotta see. 1.00

01:35:29.000 It's fucking nonsense. 1.00

01:35:31.000 I think it might be called The Plan. 1.00

01:35:34.000 The Plan?

01:35:36.000 Yeah.

01:35:36.000 Their album is called The Plan?

01:35:38.000 Yeah, it might not be Call Up.

01:35:39.000 It might be Call Up.

01:35:39.000 Isn't that album songs about Mormonism, too?

01:35:42.000 Yes.

01:35:42.000 It's all in there.

01:35:43.000 Yeah, they talk about the crazy shit that they believe in. 1.00

01:35:47.000 It's one of the nuttiest... 1.00

01:35:49.000 You need to see Book of Mormon.

01:35:50.000 Yeah, and I should see it.

01:35:51.000 Yeah, it's great. 1.00

01:35:51.000 It's also one of those religions where they are involved in the most arrests for having cults and fucking kids. 1.00

01:35:59.000 Whenever some polygamy guy gets busted, first of all, it could just be that they're setting him up with the kid fucking thing, but that's how they get him. 0.99

01:36:06.000 The polygamy thing. 0.99

01:36:08.000 Well, who can resist?

01:36:09.000 Well, now they're also...

01:36:10.000 Vice.com has been doing a whole series on where Mitt Romney came from.

01:36:15.000 That Mitt Romney came from a religious sect of America, American Mormons, that moved to Mexico so they could still bang multiple wives. 0.99

01:36:23.000 Because polygamy became outlawed, so they were like, well fuck you, we'll just move over here. 0.99

01:36:27.000 So now they're involved in like, armed war with the cartels. 1.00

01:36:30.000 So it's the cartels versus the Romneys in Mexico. 0.98

01:36:34.000 Like, there's drug wars going on.

01:36:36.000 They're kidnapping them.

01:36:37.000 Romneys have been kidnapped.

01:36:38.000 Other people have been kidnapped. 1.00

01:36:39.000 It's fucking craziness. 0.99

01:36:42.000 And who has more money, the cartels or the Romneys? 1.00

01:36:43.000 That's the question.

01:36:44.000 The cartels do.

01:36:44.000 I think the cartels do.

01:36:45.000 By a long shot.

01:36:46.000 They have gold everything.

01:36:47.000 Those guys make gold toothbrushes, gold guns.

01:36:50.000 Have you ever seen, like, how these guys...

01:36:51.000 Gold jet skis. 1.00

01:36:52.000 Yeah, when they kill them and they find all their shit. 1.00

01:36:53.000 It's really inefficient. 1.00

01:36:54.000 Gold pistols and...

01:36:56.000 You got any photos?

01:36:57.000 No, I don't see it.

01:36:58.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:36:58.000 I just pulled it up in three seconds, you fuck. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Come on. 1.00

01:37:01.000 Are you using Bing?

01:37:01.000 Bing it.

01:37:02.000 Just Mormon Planet Osmond Album.

01:37:04.000 Dogpilot.

01:37:05.000 Look up Mormon Planet Osmond Album.

01:37:07.000 Load Alta Vista.

01:37:09.000 And it's the first Google image.

01:37:10.000 It's called The Plan.

01:37:12.000 And if you look in the other Google images, there's one where it's got God's hand that's holding the planet.

01:37:19.000 Aw, that's kind.

01:37:20.000 It's so bizarre.

01:37:21.000 He has the whole world in his hands, Joe.

01:37:23.000 Yeah, it's so...

01:37:24.000 Yeah, look at that shirt. 0.88

01:37:25.000 No, that's not it.

01:37:26.000 I want to know who that guy is.

01:37:28.000 I like that he wore his Tommy Bahama shirt to hold light.

01:37:30.000 The Osmond Brothers, bro.

01:37:31.000 Are you talking about this right here?

01:37:32.000 Mormon Planet Osmond album.

01:37:33.000 Yes, that's the album, the plan.

01:37:35.000 And if you look deep inside the album as you...

01:37:38.000 Try album art?

01:37:40.000 Is there a Google image search?

01:37:43.000 Just do a Google image search.

01:37:45.000 I can ask Siri.

01:37:49.000 How many things do you have?

01:37:50.000 Mormon Planet Osmond album.

01:37:52.000 What do you have?

01:37:53.000 Mormon Planet Osmond Brothers plan.

01:37:55.000 The plan.

01:37:56.000 Yeah.

01:37:57.000 Get all that other stuff out.

01:38:00.000 Come on now.

01:38:00.000 Yeah, there it is.

01:38:01.000 The plan.

01:38:01.000 Come on now.

01:38:02.000 See, that's the god holding the hand.

01:38:06.000 There he is.

01:38:07.000 Holding the planet.

01:38:08.000 That's Kolob.

01:38:09.000 He just got us gripped.

01:38:10.000 That's the planet where, I guess, god limbs or something. 0.97

01:38:13.000 It's such a shitty rhyme. 0.99

01:38:15.000 Such a shitty story. 0.99

01:38:17.000 It should be a rhyme. 0.99

01:38:17.000 It should be a Dr. Seuss rhyme. 0.99

01:38:19.000 A kid who finds golden tablets. 1.00

01:38:21.000 One bitch, two bitch. 1.00

01:38:21.000 You know, they came looking for the tablets. 1.00

01:38:23.000 Like, where are these tablets?

01:38:24.000 He said, angels came and took them away.

01:38:25.000 That was his answer.

01:38:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:38:27.000 I thought, you shitbag, little fuck, bad story writing asshole. 1.00

01:38:31.000 It's live journal quality writing. 1.00

01:38:34.000 It's not even.

01:38:35.000 Live journal's way better than that.

01:38:37.000 Back in 1820, you didn't have to show your sources.

01:38:40.000 No, you'd have to cite anything. 0.98

01:38:41.000 And this fucking guy who wrote this stuff, this Joseph Smith character, it's a painfully bad story. 0.99

01:38:54.000 It's tough that it plays a role at all in society and politics. 1.00

01:38:58.000 It's insane.

01:38:59.000 That's the saddest part.

01:39:00.000 And I'm not saying, again, I'm not saying I have any answers.

01:39:03.000 I certainly don't have any answers.

01:39:05.000 But I am saying that as human beings...

01:39:07.000 Forget about religious freedom. 0.98

01:39:08.000 At a certain point in time, you have to have the ability to rationally express what the fuck is going on. 1.00

01:39:15.000 And when you take into consideration a guy's qualifications to be a leader, one of them has to be whether or not he's a gullible fuck. 1.00

01:39:23.000 It's really that simple. 0.99

01:39:24.000 You have freedom of expression when it comes to religion, and that is fine and great, believe what you want, but when your religious beliefs influence policy, which affects my freedom, well, suddenly, I don't have religious freedom, because I don't believe in the crazy shit, or what I deem to be, you know, not crazy. 0.97

01:39:40.000 That's a very good point. 0.97

01:39:40.000 And now your religion is informing my life. 0.97

01:39:42.000 It's determining what I can and can't do.

01:39:44.000 It's a very good point.

01:39:45.000 And it's also that religion, like in choosing to believe something, especially something as ridiculous as Mormonism, that in choosing to believe in it, it sort of defines you as a person, and I'm allowed to judge you in that sense if you're trying to run for a position of leadership.

01:40:02.000 I have to look at you as a potential leader. 0.66

01:40:05.000 There are a lot of people that I respect deeply in this world for their intellect, for their mind, but I've had some people that I even really deeply respect and they have these really big hiccups when it comes to religion.

01:40:19.000 And when that happens, that part of, I know, I can't have that conversation with you anymore because you've got a wall up.

01:40:26.000 You've got an illogical spot.

01:40:28.000 You've got like a little mind cancer in there where you can't...

01:40:32.000 You can't rationalize.

01:40:34.000 I remember having a conversation with a school teacher.

01:40:36.000 And he was a really smart guy.

01:40:39.000 He was an interesting guy.

01:40:40.000 And he said, someone said something about God and about how there is no other way.

01:40:49.000 I forget what it was.

01:40:50.000 And I said, so you've seen evidence of stuff that shows there's no other way that something could have existed except for a God?

01:40:58.000 And he goes, yes.

01:40:59.000 As a matter of fact, molecules...

01:41:01.000 Have been shown to be so complex, it would be impossible for us to even imagine that, let alone create them.

01:41:09.000 That alone has to be proof of a God.

01:41:11.000 And the guy was like, yes, yes, it must be.

01:41:14.000 And the woman was like, it has to be proof of a God. 0.86

01:41:16.000 I was like, that is the craziest thinking I've ever heard. 0.99

01:41:19.000 That means that a molecule to you is the proof of a God, not the The fucking universe? 0.98

01:41:27.000 The universe, which is composed of molecules, by the way, that are all touching each other. 0.99

01:41:32.000 And are all nothing.

01:41:35.000 They're all filled with air.

01:41:36.000 A thousand years ago, we didn't know there were molecules.

01:41:39.000 So it's preposterous to go, well, this is too complex, we'll never solve this.

01:41:43.000 We didn't even know, you didn't have a usage for that word or a knowledge of what it was until science discovered, oh, there are these little things.

01:41:50.000 And clearly we have light years to go, but...

01:41:53.000 But this guy, this was what he was holding on to.

01:41:56.000 And I was like, you're a teacher.

01:41:58.000 I was like, this guy's a teacher.

01:41:59.000 He's a school teacher.

01:42:00.000 And he was a smart guy.

01:42:01.000 I was like, I go, come on, man.

01:42:03.000 There's no other way.

01:42:04.000 You know, I'm not saying there's no God, but your argument is that something is super complex, so only God could have created it.

01:42:11.000 I was like, you shut off.

01:42:12.000 You have a part of your head that doesn't work.

01:42:14.000 You don't use it.

01:42:15.000 My mother, despite being presented mountains of evidence that I was putting in front of her eyes, really believed that John Edwards could talk to the dead.

01:42:24.000 Wanted to go on crossing over, really wanted to meet him, wanted to have him.

01:42:28.000 Not the presidential candidate.

01:42:30.000 Not the presidential candidate, the TV personality who claimed that he could speak to dead people and scammed Countless thousands of people out of their money by saying he would do cold readings, basically.

01:42:39.000 I'm getting something with a J. And he would do that. 0.84

01:42:41.000 And I showed her the technique.

01:42:43.000 There were books on it.

01:42:43.000 I showed where he was trained.

01:42:45.000 All that stuff.

01:42:45.000 Despite that, she refused.

01:42:47.000 She had that wall.

01:42:48.000 She wanted to believe because she needed to believe.

01:42:50.000 And at some point, if she were president, that may inform her decisions.

01:42:55.000 She might believe that those people exist.

01:42:57.000 She might go to them for foreign policy advice.

01:42:59.000 Like, Lord knows how that would influence things.

01:43:01.000 Yes, for sure.

01:43:02.000 If you're a gullible person, you should not be in a position...

01:43:05.000 I want to keep talking.

01:43:05.000 Can I flag on the plate and empty my bladder?

01:43:06.000 Yeah, go piss, man.

01:43:07.000 Thank you.

01:43:08.000 See, me, ladies and gentlemen, I can drink coffee.

01:43:10.000 Right down, open this door.

01:43:12.000 It's the last door on your left.

01:43:13.000 Me, I drink coffee.

01:43:14.000 I can handle it.

01:43:15.000 I can keep it together.

01:43:16.000 You know, my broadcast partner in the UFC... I'm feeling sexy now.

01:43:20.000 Thank you.

01:43:21.000 I feel way better.

01:43:22.000 My broadcast partner in the UFC, Mike Wahlberg, who I love to death, has the smallest bladder of any human being on the planet.

01:43:28.000 It's so bad that we count, me and the sound guys, we have a running count, and sometimes we'll have a pool.

01:43:34.000 I'll say it'll be over five or over six.

01:43:37.000 He will get up six times during the broadcast to pee.

01:43:42.000 I mean, literally, he'll get up, he'll pee, and then he'll run out and he'll pee again.

01:43:45.000 It's crazy!

01:43:46.000 I have a video of him in Vegas.

01:43:48.000 Getting up and peeing?

01:43:49.000 No, getting mad.

01:43:50.000 When I said, why do you pee so much?

01:43:52.000 And then he's like, you tell Rogan!

01:43:56.000 He gets mad that I bring it up because I was playing a drinking game for a while.

01:44:01.000 I stopped playing the drinking game because I didn't want people to torture him, but the drinking game was every time he would go get up, I would be the guy who was introducing the fighters as they would walk through.

01:44:08.000 It's usually the way it sets up is Mike Goldberg will introduce a fighter, and as the guy's walking into the octagon, it's a couple minutes, so Mike will say the guy's name, he'll maybe say some pertinent facts about the guy, And I will address his strengths as an athlete.

01:44:24.000 I will address his style and what recently he's coming off of and what I think he needs to do here tonight.

01:44:29.000 And so that people have something to think about when the guy steps into the octagon.

01:44:32.000 They don't just know the guy's name.

01:44:33.000 They also know a little bit about the guy.

01:44:34.000 But when you only hear me talking and I'm like, you know, Alan the talent belcher.

01:44:41.000 Alan's fighting out of Duke Rufus.

01:44:43.000 If it's just me talking, that means Goldberg's pissing.

01:44:46.000 And I was saying...

01:44:47.000 Are you throwing crickets in there?

01:44:48.000 Are you saying this is boring?

01:44:49.000 No, no, that's like only you are talking and Mike's gone.

01:44:52.000 I don't think it works that way, man.

01:44:54.000 That's not the use of crickets. 0.83

01:44:55.000 Yeah.

01:44:56.000 It's a roaring arena.

01:44:56.000 There's no crickets.

01:44:58.000 Why is he leaving?

01:44:59.000 He's leaving and there's a cricket all of a sudden.

01:45:01.000 It's illogical, son.

01:45:07.000 So he runs off.

01:45:08.000 And I say, if you're playing the UFC drinking game, time to take a drink, ladies and gentlemen.

01:45:12.000 And that just, you know, I think that tortured him.

01:45:16.000 I think too many people went after him.

01:45:18.000 By the way, you're in North Carolina this weekend.

01:45:20.000 There's tickets still available.

01:45:23.000 So go to where?

01:45:25.000 JoeRogan.net?

01:45:26.000 Yeah, you can go to JoeRogan.net.

01:45:27.000 And all the information is also available on my Twitter.

01:45:30.000 If you go to my Twitter page...

01:45:32.000 It's just twitter.com forward slash Joe Rogan.

01:45:34.000 I'm in Raleigh on Friday night at the Memorial Hall, and then I'm in Asheville on Saturday night at Thomas Wolfe.

01:45:41.000 I've been to Raleigh.

01:45:42.000 I love Raleigh.

01:45:43.000 I gotta holler at my boy Cliffy B! Cliffy B from Epic Games!

01:45:48.000 Cliffy lives in Raleigh, that fucking savage. 0.99

01:45:50.000 Is he coming to the show? 1.00

01:45:51.000 I gotta contact him.

01:45:53.000 Is he guesting a show of yours?

01:45:55.000 No, I'm guesting.

01:45:56.000 Yeah, like coming on to do a thing, like a live podcast.

01:45:58.000 No, I don't do live podcasts.

01:46:00.000 I think live podcasts are a rip-off.

01:46:02.000 I'm sorry for all those people out there that are doing live podcasts, that are making money doing it, but you're charging money for people to sit down and watch something that's not as entertaining as stand-up comedy in a comedy club.

01:46:14.000 That's how I feel about it.

01:46:15.000 I respect that.

01:46:16.000 I disagree with it.

01:46:17.000 What do you say it is?

01:46:17.000 I think that it's a live performance.

01:46:20.000 Like when I did Lead Up, we made sure to make it interactive and to get people on stage and make them part of it so it gives them an experience that they can't have.

01:46:27.000 Oh, that's right.

01:46:27.000 You had a whole festival about it.

01:46:29.000 Let me just explain something from a point of view of a stand-up comedian.

01:46:32.000 When I'm on stage and it's a packed crowd and there's 300 people, I know what's the best thing I can do.

01:46:37.000 The best thing I can do is not sit down and have a conversation.

01:46:40.000 The best thing I can do is stand up.

01:46:41.000 And if there was a crowd here while we were doing this, if there was 300 people watching this, I would not be able to have the same sort of conversational tone. 0.79

01:46:48.000 I would be hyper aware that all these people are watching and how fucking boring this is to a group of 300 people. 0.66

01:46:53.000 Joe, that's your pang up. 0.97

01:46:54.000 Don't project that onto me.

01:46:55.000 How dare you?

01:46:56.000 Whoa, man. 1.00

01:46:57.000 You just got fucking heavy with me, man! 0.99

01:47:00.000 Can I just say, it's a whole new fucking world. 0.99

01:47:03.000 I was trying to actively listen for the last 20 minutes, and I couldn't, and I couldn't figure out why, and it's because I had to piss so bad. 0.98

01:47:10.000 There's a study that says that if you are driving with an intense need to urinate, it's about as bad as driving drunk. 0.99

01:47:16.000 Your ability to focus and your reaction times are so impaired because your body is empty your fucking bladder. 1.00

01:47:24.000 Oh, I believe that. 0.99

01:47:25.000 And I was going through that, and I didn't realize it, so I apologize.

01:47:27.000 Dude, you were doing great.

01:47:28.000 It's a new day.

01:47:28.000 You handled it like a champ.

01:47:30.000 I was powering through, man.

01:47:31.000 It was getting bad.

01:47:31.000 See, that's why they invented commercials, because old dudes want to piss a lot.

01:47:35.000 It's also why they invented adult diapers.

01:47:37.000 Yeah.

01:47:38.000 Brian used those once.

01:47:41.000 Well, people in Times Square used them for New Year's Eve.

01:47:44.000 Yeah, I was there for New Years and I was not interested in watching the ball drop, but everybody that was talking about it was like, get there at 6 or 8 a.m.

01:47:50.000 because you won't get near enough to see anything or experience anything and you're gonna have to stand there all day.

01:47:54.000 And I was like, well, what do you do if you gotta go to the bathroom?

01:47:56.000 I'm like, oh, you have to wear diapers.

01:47:57.000 Everybody does.

01:47:58.000 Which has now changed my vision of any imagery in Times Square because the people that are up front near the ball drop, they've been waiting since 8 a.m. 1.00

01:48:05.000 and they have shit and piss in their drawers. 1.00

01:48:06.000 Yeah, and it doesn't help the smell. 1.00

01:48:08.000 My problem was that it smelled like shit everywhere I was there. 0.98

01:48:10.000 Now you know why, sir. 0.99

01:48:12.000 It smells like Depends and Werther's Originals.

01:48:14.000 No, no, no, not Times Square.

01:48:15.000 I mean, throughout the city? 1.00

01:48:17.000 No, when he shit his pants, it smelled like shit. 1.00

01:48:19.000 I used Depends. 1.00

01:48:20.000 He was at a grocery store and he shit his pants. 0.98

01:48:23.000 Target. 0.98

01:48:23.000 Oh, there you go. 0.98

01:48:24.000 Yeah, you can't do that.

01:48:25.000 But isn't that weird?

01:48:26.000 Like, next time you see the people celebrating in the streets at Times Square, just know that a good percentage of them have a load in their drawers and they're bringing in the New Year.

01:48:34.000 Is that... 0.99

01:48:34.000 That is so ridiculous. 0.99

01:48:36.000 Isn't that crazy? 0.99

01:48:36.000 Is that something that is commonly known? 0.99

01:48:38.000 I didn't know until I went there.

01:48:39.000 Is there a forum where they meet and they say, what kind of depends do you use?

01:48:42.000 Do you duct tape it in for smell protection?

01:48:45.000 They're like Disneyland pin traders talking about strategies.

01:48:49.000 What do you do if you pick up a hot girl and you make out at midnight? 0.57

01:48:52.000 You just meet and then at the stroke you start making out and you're both wearing diapers.

01:48:55.000 You gotta do a diaper swap. 0.99

01:48:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:48:57.000 We have to start 69, pull hers off, she pulls yours off, and then you bring it around, and so that way you're wearing her shit. 1.00

01:49:03.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:49:03.000 It's like back and forth forever, man. 1.00

01:49:05.000 It's the sexiest thing ever.

01:49:06.000 Is that a hot dog from 5th Street in there?

01:49:10.000 Oh, someone ate hot peanuts!

01:49:12.000 Meanwhile, someone would be into that.

01:49:14.000 For someone that would be super sexy.

01:49:15.000 Oh, there's a definite community for that. 1.00

01:49:16.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:49:17.000 There's a lot of people that want to eat some shit. 1.00

01:49:18.000 Johnny Balls 17 is doing it right now on a free cam show. 1.00

01:49:21.000 Johnny Balls 7. Yeah, if you can find people that want to get fucked by horses, you can find people that want to play with shit. 1.00

01:49:26.000 That video, when you hear the point where the horse is caught, you hear that groaning. 1.00

01:49:32.000 You're like, oh, that's the last sound you're going to be making for the rest of your life.

01:49:36.000 That is it.

01:49:36.000 I want that to be my new text alert.

01:49:38.000 I want to hear that whenever someone texts me. 1.00

01:49:40.000 I wonder what the numbers are of people that have been fucked to death by big animals like horses and shit. 0.99

01:49:45.000 Because it's not just that one guy. 1.00

01:49:46.000 Not enough.

01:49:47.000 Not enough?

01:49:48.000 I was in traffic for an hour today. 1.00

01:49:51.000 More people need to get fucked to death. 1.00

01:49:54.000 Yeah, what are the numbers? 1.00

01:49:56.000 Can we Google that?

01:49:57.000 Throughout history, I would think more than a thousand.

01:50:00.000 How many people do you think of Big Joe?

01:50:02.000 Are the numbers decreasing or are they increasing?

01:50:05.000 I think everything's increasing because the population's increasing.

01:50:08.000 Sure, but also there wasn't Twitter back then, so what else are we going to do? 1.00

01:50:11.000 You've got to get fucked by a horse. 0.99

01:50:12.000 How many people are influenced by the ability to put video of them getting fucked by an animal online? 1.00

01:50:18.000 Well, I know that... 0.99

01:50:18.000 It makes them pull the trigger. 0.99

01:50:19.000 The front-facing camera on this thing has me doing more than walking my neighbor's dog, absolutely.

01:50:24.000 There was a conversation that we had yesterday about convincing people to do things that in the FBI, in trapping people, is causing more crime.

01:50:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:50:32.000 Just in order to be able to solve it.

01:50:34.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

01:50:35.000 And that's another sign of sickness in this crazy world that you can actually talk somebody into doing something fucked up. 0.97

01:50:42.000 It's an endemic thing because of the bottom line. 0.97

01:50:46.000 They have to justify their jobs and show that they're preventing terrorism.

01:50:49.000 And the only way to do that in a lot of these cases is to go out and entrap people and create scenarios that they can jump on board with.

01:50:55.000 And the people that are doing it are people that are awesome at going undercover and pretending to be someone else.

01:51:00.000 So they're getting a rush out of that, too, by the way.

01:51:02.000 A rush out of pulling it off.

01:51:03.000 Yeah, well, sometimes...

01:51:04.000 And those are the type of charismatic people that can talk you into doing things you wouldn't have ordered to never be done.

01:51:08.000 Right, right.

01:51:09.000 Well, sometimes that's the case. 0.97

01:51:10.000 Sometimes they're taking ex-cons and they're taking people that would normally be, you know, stoolies and empowering them and saying, you go do all the illegal shit you want to do and we'll back you with the badge. 0.86

01:51:20.000 Dude, we talked about all this yesterday, unfortunately. 0.84

01:51:22.000 We went over it with my friend Tate.

01:51:23.000 We talked about Whitey Bulger and all the different, you know, the guy who was working for the FBI was the head of the Boston mob.

01:51:29.000 Yeah.

01:51:29.000 Yeah, it's a mess.

01:51:31.000 The system is fucking completely ridiculous when it comes to that. 1.00

01:51:34.000 So do you think the feds are running stings or they're encouraging people to fuck horses or get fucked by horses? 1.00

01:51:37.000 I was saying, it could be. 0.99

01:51:40.000 That is possible.

01:51:41.000 I think someone can talk...

01:51:42.000 I have a joke.

01:51:43.000 Like, where do they recruit at?

01:51:44.000 Pettings? 0.87

01:51:44.000 I had a joke in my last special about Mormons, that Mormons are afraid of gay marriage. 0.87

01:51:48.000 And if anybody should be afraid of gay marriage, that it's Mormons. 0.59

01:51:51.000 Because if someone could talk you into being a Mormon... 1.00

01:51:53.000 They could probably talk you into sucking their dick. 1.00

01:51:54.000 And it really is true. 1.00

01:51:56.000 You should be scared.

01:51:57.000 You should be scared. 0.99

01:51:57.000 Someone can talk you into something completely ridiculous. 0.99

01:52:00.000 Someone can talk people into... 0.60

01:52:02.000 There's a lot of people out there that are super persuasive.

01:52:04.000 And they can talk people into doing a lot of things.

01:52:07.000 And so when someone does something and they do it with the aid of someone who happens to be an agent... 0.99

01:52:12.000 I used to think that that was bullshit. 1.00

01:52:14.000 That person's a criminal. 1.00

01:52:16.000 If someone came along to me and told me to blow up the Capitol building, I wouldn't do it. 0.97

01:52:20.000 I'm not going to do it. 0.98

01:52:22.000 Yeah, but I'm not an idiot. 1.00

01:52:23.000 There's some people out there that are idiots, and it's not fair that someone can come along and convince this idiot that he is going to defend Islam by giving them a bomb. 1.00

01:52:31.000 Like the guy in Dallas where the cops are providing them with a fake bomb. 1.00

01:52:35.000 He pressed the button and then they moved in on him and arrested him.

01:52:37.000 They gave him a fake bomb.

01:52:38.000 They gave him the bomb.

01:52:39.000 They gave him cab fare.

01:52:40.000 They gave him everything he needed to do it.

01:52:42.000 And by the way, there are people listening to this right now that are wearing multiple Q-Ray balance bracelets because they believe it gives them the power to lift cars and balance better.

01:52:51.000 Talk to pro athletes that believe that.

01:52:54.000 Do they really believe it or do they know that they're shilling?

01:52:55.000 Dude, I had a guy who tried to do that to me.

01:52:56.000 I guess it's power of placebo, right?

01:52:58.000 It's just power of placebo.

01:52:59.000 This guy tried to do that to me.

01:53:01.000 That too.

01:53:02.000 This guy who was a salesman.

01:53:03.000 Mike Goldberg was telling me how great they were.

01:53:05.000 He was wearing one.

01:53:06.000 This guy was like, you gotta wear this.

01:53:07.000 This guy is just gonna show you.

01:53:09.000 So he brings this guy over. 0.99

01:53:10.000 And this guy tries some fucking carny tricks on me. 0.99

01:53:13.000 Where he pushes down on your hands behind you. 0.99

01:53:15.000 You clasp your hands.

01:53:16.000 I'm going to push down on them.

01:53:16.000 Look, you tilt it over.

01:53:17.000 I go, what are you doing?

01:53:19.000 I go, what are you doing?

01:53:20.000 I go, you're not doing it the same way.

01:53:21.000 I go, your angle is different.

01:53:23.000 I go, stand right here.

01:53:24.000 I go, now do it.

01:53:25.000 I go, yeah, man, what are you doing?

01:53:26.000 And then I looked at the other guy.

01:53:28.000 I go, what are you guys doing?

01:53:29.000 You're playing little carny tricks.

01:53:30.000 I go, if you want to do something, I go, let's do it exactly the same way.

01:53:33.000 I go, pull my arm down now.

01:53:35.000 And he couldn't pull my arm down.

01:53:36.000 I go, come on, pull my arm down now.

01:53:37.000 Hold on, I've got to put on another bracelet.

01:53:39.000 Yeah, I go, now I try to do it. 0.98

01:53:40.000 I go, are you crazy? 0.95

01:53:42.000 Who bought this? 0.96

01:53:43.000 I'm like, how is anybody buying this?

01:53:44.000 Millions of people bought it.

01:53:45.000 I'm like, you're moving around and showing me different angles.

01:53:48.000 I do jujitsu.

01:53:49.000 I understand how there's leverage.

01:53:51.000 You're changing the leverage points.

01:53:53.000 Some people didn't even get that, though.

01:53:54.000 Some people got convinced by an infomercial at 2am. 1.00

01:53:56.000 Dude, some people, fuck that. 0.99

01:53:58.000 Some people got convinced by this guy. 1.00

01:53:59.000 I was watching people agree with him.

01:54:00.000 Like, yeah, I do have more balance. 1.00

01:54:02.000 And I threw a fucking wet diaper into the party. 1.00

01:54:05.000 I was like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:54:06.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:54:07.000 Man, he was going to get the company bonus trip to Cabo and you ruined his numbers. 1.00

01:54:10.000 This guy grabbed my hand and pinned it to my body and was playing mercy with me and lifting my...

01:54:17.000 Now try to resist. 0.99

01:54:18.000 I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:54:21.000 This is some silly shit. 1.00

01:54:23.000 If you wanted to prove that it would give you better strength, you would make me lift weights. 1.00

01:54:28.000 You would say, lift weights now that you have this...

01:54:30.000 Well, don't you feel stronger?

01:54:32.000 Right.

01:54:32.000 You know?

01:54:32.000 Come on, you silly bitch.

01:54:34.000 So, if people can be talked into that shit, people can be talked into anything. 1.00

01:54:38.000 It's just an excuse to wear jewelry, I think. 1.00

01:54:40.000 It is.

01:54:41.000 It's really not as fashionable as a crock.

01:54:42.000 I still see people.

01:54:44.000 I see it all the time.

01:54:44.000 But what it is, is a psychological tool.

01:54:48.000 There's something that...

01:54:49.000 It's a placebo.

01:54:50.000 Yes, but in that respect, for some reason, it seems to work.

01:54:55.000 You know, with athletes even, there was a measurable difference, even in people that thought that it was a placebo, even in people that went in with a preconceived notion that it was a placebo, knowing that they were probably right, still had a benefit of it because they were trying to convince themselves that it worked.

01:55:11.000 Did we talk about the blood pressure placebo trial the last time I was here?

01:55:14.000 No.

01:55:15.000 It's worth Googling.

01:55:18.000 I'll give you the fuzzy cliff notes of it.

01:55:19.000 But basically they did a study where they gave people a placebo and told them that it was a real pill that was going to lower their heart rate and their blood pressure and work miracles for them.

01:55:28.000 Then they gave another group the same pill.

01:55:30.000 It was a sugar water pill.

01:55:31.000 And they said, this is a placebo.

01:55:33.000 This pill does nothing.

01:55:34.000 But we're doing this study to see if it will lower your blood pressure.

01:55:37.000 It did.

01:55:37.000 It did lower it in the people that were told it was a placebo.

01:55:41.000 And when the trial ended, they said, okay, that's it.

01:55:43.000 Thank you.

01:55:44.000 The people revolted.

01:55:45.000 And they said, what are you doing?

01:55:45.000 My blood pressure is going to go back up.

01:55:47.000 I need this pill.

01:55:48.000 And they're like, no, no, no, no, no.

01:55:49.000 It's a placebo.

01:55:50.000 It does nothing.

01:55:50.000 The pill does nothing.

01:55:51.000 And they had to start manufacturing placebo pills for this trial group.

01:55:55.000 This is the same story.

01:55:56.000 You're giving me a detailed description.

01:55:57.000 It's the exact same story.

01:55:58.000 I simplified it.

01:56:00.000 But you made it much more clear.

01:56:02.000 There's something weird with our brains.

01:56:04.000 There's something weird with our brains when we believe things.

01:56:06.000 Because I think that reality is more malleable than we think it is.

01:56:13.000 We've shown that there's a certain amount of effect positive energy and mood can have on people, and there's a certain amount of effect true belief in something can have on your environment.

01:56:28.000 There's something weird going on with the mind that it's not quite as simple as we like to think it is.

01:56:35.000 It's not 1 plus 1 equals 2. It's 1 plus 1 equals 2, but if you believe in magic, it might equal 5. Right.

01:56:41.000 You can have a magic variable in your equation that can change the outcome of the algorithm.

01:56:49.000 Belief in yourself is a strange thing.

01:56:51.000 Belief in things is a strange thing.

01:56:52.000 That's why I tell people, don't believe in yourself.

01:56:54.000 Stop it.

01:56:55.000 Don't believe in anything or anyone, and you'll be free.

01:56:58.000 But no, because if you believe in things, it can empower you. 0.98

01:57:01.000 That's what's really fucked up. 0.91

01:57:03.000 Positive energy begets... 0.94

01:57:04.000 Where does positive...

01:57:04.000 It's not as simple as positive energy, though.

01:57:07.000 It's not like that's sort of some hippie ideology.

01:57:10.000 What's the difference of thinking positive?

01:57:11.000 It's not just thinking positive.

01:57:13.000 It's thinking specifically about certain results and thinking positive and moving in that direction.

01:57:20.000 Certainly, you can't just sit there and wish.

01:57:22.000 Yeah, but I'm saying that there's some sort of a magical combination that when used is greater than the sum of its parts, There's something to the human mind that affects reality in a way that I don't think we've totally measured yet.

01:57:39.000 There have been studies that show that people that undergo surgery, where there's a certain rehab time, if they believe in the power of prayer, they tend to heal quicker and fuller, faster.

01:57:51.000 So there is clearly, there's some quantifiable evidence.

01:57:54.000 So you should believe in something. 0.97

01:57:55.000 You know, even believing in something that's bullshit, like if it empowers you, there's something weird about that. 0.97

01:58:01.000 You should be wearing a Q-ray balance bracelet. 1.00

01:58:03.000 Fucking rubber bracelets for some weird people. 0.99

01:58:05.000 It's what they needed. 1.00

01:58:07.000 It's that trigger that they needed to fire up that certain part of their brain that gives you the green light to expect certain results.

01:58:14.000 They needed a totem.

01:58:15.000 Like, I can't believe that just the power of thought will be enough to compel me into a positive, or propel me into a positive direction.

01:58:21.000 But you give me a rubber trinket that I can now attach that positivity to, and I go, I believe that, because that's a thing.

01:58:28.000 That has an alloy in it.

01:58:29.000 It has an earth crystal.

01:58:30.000 It's something where the mind gets the green light.

01:58:33.000 Right.

01:58:33.000 You know, what...

01:58:36.000 When I was a kid, when I was competing in Taekwondo, when I was 19 years old, I went to watch the World Cup.

01:58:43.000 I had a run from the time when I was 17 until I was 21. I won the Massachusetts State Championship every year.

01:58:52.000 And then one year I won the U.S. Open.

01:58:54.000 I came in second in the U.S. Cup.

01:58:55.000 I was like really highly ranked nationally.

01:58:58.000 And that year was the year that I went to watch the World Cup.

01:59:01.000 Because I went to Colorado Springs and I saw the best fighters in the world.

01:59:04.000 And I came back from just watching it.

01:59:07.000 And all of a sudden I was like a year better.

01:59:10.000 It was like I had made this huge leap.

01:59:12.000 And I had a friend of mine, his name was Jung-Sik, Jung-Sik Chang. 1.00

01:59:18.000 This kid was a fucking maniac. 0.99

01:59:21.000 This guy was a student. 1.00

01:59:23.000 He was a medical student.

01:59:25.000 He was going through his internship and training to be on the U.S. Olympic Taekwondo team at the same time. 1.00

01:59:30.000 He was a fucking savage. 0.99

01:59:32.000 Just the most hardest working kid I've ever met in my life. 1.00

01:59:34.000 Guy slept three hours every night, trained like a fucking madman. 0.98

01:59:38.000 But we were talking about it. 1.00

01:59:40.000 He goes, what happened?

01:59:41.000 He goes, how did you get so good?

01:59:43.000 What happened?

01:59:43.000 And I'm like, I don't know.

01:59:44.000 I went to this one place and I hit this new level.

01:59:48.000 It's like I was like this really good local guy.

01:59:51.000 And then I went and I watched the World Championships, the World Cup rather.

01:59:56.000 And then all of a sudden, I was like world class.

01:59:58.000 It happened like overnight.

02:00:00.000 It happened so quick.

02:00:02.000 I realized what was possible.

02:00:04.000 I saw those guys move and I went, oh, you can move faster.

02:00:08.000 You could do this more.

02:00:09.000 You could do that more.

02:00:10.000 But just by having a new model in my mind...

02:00:13.000 My physical body caught up to that model almost instantly.

02:00:17.000 I had already had the physical capability, but I hadn't seen it yet, so I didn't know what was possible until it was shown to me.

02:00:26.000 Yeah, you had a barrier based off your body, and then you saw that bar can be raised.

02:00:31.000 You went, oh, okay, I'll just go up there now. 0.99

02:00:32.000 Well, I also saw that those guys would fuck me up. 0.97

02:00:35.000 When you watch things objectively, if you're a competitor, The most important part of getting better is you gotta know how bad you are right now. 1.00

02:00:43.000 You gotta know what you suck at. 0.79

02:00:44.000 You gotta know where your holes are. 1.00

02:00:46.000 You gotta know what mistakes you make.

02:00:47.000 And if you don't see that, the enemy can see that.

02:00:49.000 I can see that in other people immediately. 0.99

02:00:51.000 And I'm like, man, if I can't see that in myself, that's a fucking horrible, horrible handicap. 1.00

02:00:55.000 So you look at these guys, and I went and watched these guys. 0.99

02:00:58.000 I remember going, this guy would fuck me up. 1.00

02:01:00.000 This guy would fuck me up. 1.00

02:01:01.000 That guy would knock me out. 0.99

02:01:02.000 I was like, this guy wouldn't want to fight with him. 1.00

02:01:03.000 I was like, shit! 0.99

02:01:04.000 And I just realized that there is a whole... 0.99

02:01:07.000 So all of a sudden, I was doing things that I could never do before.

02:01:11.000 I remember thinking, what was holding me back?

02:01:13.000 Was it just that I hadn't seen it?

02:01:15.000 And then I remember the thing about the four-minute mile.

02:01:18.000 Nobody thought a human being could ever run faster than a four-minute mile.

02:01:21.000 It just wasn't beyond our capabilities.

02:01:23.000 Then one guy did it, and then all of a sudden, a gang of people did it immediately.

02:01:27.000 It's like all of a sudden, these new levels get set, and new barriers get broken.

02:01:32.000 There's something to it that's not just physical.

02:01:35.000 There's something to it.

02:01:36.000 Where the belief and when the mind has new information, it changes the reality.

02:01:43.000 So where do you draw the line in?

02:01:46.000 If you can say, alright, someone who has this belief or someone who has these thoughts that empowers them and it's positive for them, when do you go, well, but your belief is wrong.

02:01:56.000 The one that you have that empowers you and propels you in positive directions that you give credit to for the positivity in your life, when do you go, okay, well, that's wrong, though, because I can prove that it doesn't exist or because I can prove that it was made up by somebody?

02:02:10.000 At what point, then, do you have the right to say that?

02:02:13.000 You don't.

02:02:14.000 Well, a lot of people, look, you know, whether it's the flying spaghetti monster or whether it's, you know, the president of the planet column.

02:02:23.000 There's something that is empowering about having belief.

02:02:29.000 And I've seen people, one of the things I was scared of when I was a kid when I was competing, I was scared of competing against religious guys.

02:02:36.000 Because I felt like they believed something more than I did.

02:02:39.000 They have God in their corner. 0.99

02:02:40.000 Yeah, I was filled with doubt about, you know, I was an idiot, first of all. 0.98

02:02:45.000 And I was filled with doubt about, you know, what would happen when I die, my mortality, whether I'm a good person or not. 0.96

02:02:50.000 And I would meet people that were like, when I would see guys like reading the Bible before they would fight, it would scare the shit out of me.

02:02:55.000 There was like one thing that really, there was a guy named Clayton, I think his name was Clayton Barber.

02:02:59.000 He was one of the top level guys in my division and he was an army guy and he was super religious.

02:03:05.000 He was like super, and he scared the shit out of me. 0.63

02:03:07.000 I was terrified of him. 0.55

02:03:08.000 He wasn't even the most dangerous guy.

02:03:09.000 He was just, to me, he was scary because...

02:03:11.000 He was too religious. 0.98

02:03:13.000 It was just too creepy.

02:03:14.000 A lot of people say that religion is what compels them to do great things.

02:03:19.000 Or horrible things.

02:03:19.000 Religion is also strong enough to have them fly planes into buildings.

02:03:22.000 Exactly.

02:03:22.000 So if a book and a philosophy can make somebody do that, Lord knows what it can make them do to you in the ring.

02:03:28.000 When you say fly planes into buildings, you're completely discounting what we have.

02:03:33.000 The documents that show remote control planes are the only way you can get a plane to make those kind of turns.

02:03:40.000 There's too much in for me.

02:03:42.000 How much corruption do you believe there is in 9-11?

02:03:46.000 I don't know.

02:03:47.000 But all I know is what is from the past.

02:03:51.000 Oh, was that a Pandora's box?

02:03:52.000 Yeah, he wants to talk about farts.

02:03:54.000 That's what it means.

02:03:55.000 Hey, good fart story.

02:03:57.000 We can talk about Olive Garden.

02:03:59.000 There's corruption in government, no question about it.

02:04:01.000 All you need to know is there's no reason to ever tell you the exact story.

02:04:05.000 So any story that happens, whether it's the way we killed Osama bin Laden, which, by the way, we've already had a difference in the story from one of the actual SEALs who was on site who killed Osama bin Laden.

02:04:17.000 There's a difference between his story and the official story that the government has put out.

02:04:21.000 Did you read his book?

02:04:22.000 No, I didn't.

02:04:23.000 Now, when you go back into the past and look at The Pat Tillman story, and you realize that they lied about what happened to the American hero and football star Pat Tillman, who was killed by friendly fire, who they think may have been actually murdered because he was complaining too much about the war.

02:04:40.000 He was a real patriot who went over there because he thought he was going to defend us against the terrorists. 0.95

02:04:44.000 And when he got there, he realized it was a massive clusterfuck and was talking about it quite openly. 0.97

02:04:48.000 And then he gets shagged by... 0.99

02:04:51.000 Shagged? 0.95

02:04:51.000 No. 0.95

02:04:52.000 Shanked?

02:04:52.000 Fragged.

02:04:52.000 Yeah, buddy.

02:04:53.000 Frag's the word. 0.72

02:04:55.000 He gets killed.

02:04:56.000 And they make a total lie. 0.52

02:04:58.000 Completely lie about what happened.

02:04:59.000 Jessica Lynch.

02:05:00.000 There's another story.

02:05:01.000 Jessica Lynch, who's a woman that they said they had to take out an armed insertion to remove her from... 0.99

02:05:08.000 She was rescued by high-level guys when she was being kidnapped.

02:05:14.000 She wasn't being kidnapped.

02:05:15.000 She was in a hospital being treated.

02:05:17.000 The whole...

02:05:18.000 They lie.

02:05:20.000 They just lie.

02:05:20.000 And I don't think it's...

02:05:22.000 I'm not blaming soldiers.

02:05:23.000 I'm blaming the very people at the top of the command who are doing this, who have always been doing it like this.

02:05:29.000 They did it since Operation Dirty Trick.

02:05:32.000 You know, when John Glenn first went into space, if John Glenn died, they were going to blame it on the Cubans.

02:05:37.000 They were going to concoct evidence.

02:05:39.000 This has all been proven.

02:05:40.000 They were going to concoct evidence.

02:05:41.000 They were going to blame it on the Cubans.

02:05:43.000 And they were going to go, well, look, we've got a win-win situation here. 1.00

02:05:45.000 Send this fucking guy into orbit. 1.00

02:05:47.000 If he blows up, we just go fuck up Cuba. 1.00

02:05:49.000 And everybody's happy. 1.00

02:05:51.000 It's called a catalyst.

02:05:52.000 It's called the way people who have ultimate control run business.

02:05:56.000 You know, this country has always been run by that.

02:05:59.000 So when something like 9-1-1 happens and...

02:06:01.000 You look at all the potential fuckery that could have taken place from the fact that people were gambling and betting on airlines failing right before it happened.

02:06:16.000 That there was a massive amount of money that was moved around. 0.92

02:06:19.000 Insurance policies taken out for buildings in the area.

02:06:22.000 The fact that evidence was destroyed minutes after the event. 0.94

02:06:26.000 This seems to indicate that there's a lot of room for potential fuckery. 1.00

02:06:30.000 And if you add that to what we know has happened in the past, I throw my hands up and I go, I don't know. 0.83

02:06:36.000 I don't really know what happened, but I am not willing to ever stop and say that the government is on this occasion...

02:06:43.000 It's telling 100% of the truth.

02:06:45.000 Even though they haven't done it in the past, and even though they've been lying about the Iran-Contra scandal, and even though they lied about virtually every fucking thing that has ever happened overseas, whether it's, you know, fucking Gulf of Tonkin, whether it's the reason why they pulled all their battleships out of World War II, out of Pearl Harbor before it happened.

02:07:07.000 We knew Pearl Harbor was happening.

02:07:08.000 They let it happen.

02:07:09.000 They received notice.

02:07:10.000 We needed a catalyst to get us involved in that war.

02:07:12.000 I told that to G. Gordon Liddy.

02:07:14.000 I said, you know, they were saying that on the History Channel.

02:07:16.000 I had G. Gordon Liddy was on Fear Factor.

02:07:18.000 Yeah.

02:07:19.000 He almost won.

02:07:19.000 He just can't see at night.

02:07:20.000 His fucking vision sucks. 1.00

02:07:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:22.000 So he crashed his car. 1.00

02:07:23.000 Did he have to eat weird shit or anything? 0.99

02:07:25.000 And who's the guy who won? 1.00

02:07:27.000 He was like a fucking... 0.99

02:07:28.000 He was like a really big star in the 70s. 1.00

02:07:34.000 And then he became a drug addict.

02:07:35.000 He was like a...

02:07:36.000 God. 1.00

02:07:39.000 I can't remember his fucking name. 1.00

02:07:41.000 Shit. 1.00

02:07:42.000 It's like a weird, obscure guy, some singer guy. 1.00

02:07:45.000 Alright.

02:07:45.000 I want to say Jared Leto, but it's not him.

02:07:48.000 He is not obscure.

02:07:49.000 His music is powerful.

02:07:50.000 Amazing. 1.00

02:07:51.000 His music moves mountains, you asshole. 1.00

02:07:52.000 But he's like that kind of a guy. 1.00

02:07:55.000 But, gee, Gordon Liddy, you know, I had a conversation with him about it.

02:07:59.000 He's like, oh, I don't believe that's true.

02:08:01.000 I'm like, hmm, that's what they're saying on the History Channel.

02:08:03.000 That's what history is saying.

02:08:04.000 Yeah, it's like they're saying that they decoded Japanese.

02:08:07.000 That's one of the reasons why they left certain ships and they took out some of the big battleships. 0.63

02:08:12.000 They allowed that to happen so that we could have an excuse to get into World War II. Right. 0.78

02:08:17.000 Which ultimately, I guess, is probably a good thing. 0.84

02:08:19.000 It would suck if the Nazis actually did win. 0.99

02:08:22.000 Is that possible that we can have a fucking Star Wars type situation where the Nazis get into a position where they can have a fucking Death Star? 0.99

02:08:31.000 We're building our way towards it. 0.99

02:08:33.000 We're going to build the Death Star.

02:08:34.000 We've already got flying drones.

02:08:36.000 We already got the drones.

02:08:37.000 We're getting there, man.

02:08:38.000 Yeah, they didn't even think of that in Star Wars.

02:08:40.000 They didn't think there'd be 30,000 drones in the air.

02:08:42.000 Yeah, why would you need people in these TIE Fighters and X-Wings?

02:08:44.000 Star Wars didn't even have Google.

02:08:45.000 Use the remote.

02:08:46.000 They didn't even have Google in Star Wars.

02:08:47.000 They had the Force.

02:08:48.000 They didn't need it, man.

02:08:49.000 Yeah.

02:08:49.000 They had the Force.

02:08:50.000 Pretty sweet.

02:08:51.000 By the way, bro, you got the Force, too.

02:08:52.000 The Force is what we were talking about.

02:08:54.000 Yeah.

02:08:54.000 The Force is the belief and the ability to accomplish things.

02:08:58.000 It's funny, on the power of positive thought, I used to be one of those guys that was, and it wasn't something I was consciously doing, but in my youth, I would be jealous of people that had success, or sometimes be angry that someone did something creative, as opposed to appreciating that, and supporting them, and being genuinely excited for them.

02:09:17.000 And I had to, Root that out of myself and examine that and go, where is this coming from?

02:09:22.000 And you know, seeds of insecurity and all sorts of stuff.

02:09:24.000 And once I was able to look at it for what it was, that sunlight disinfected it, and now being genuinely excited for people that are doing awesome things and being positive about that has fundamentally changed my life.

02:09:35.000 Yes.

02:09:35.000 And I've seen that in only the last few years, so fully subscribe to that.

02:09:39.000 I have talked about that on this podcast many, many, many, many times.

02:09:42.000 The difference between the way I looked at things as a young man who hadn't really accomplished much or was really insecure to the way I handle things now.

02:09:51.000 And somewhere along the line, I sort of figured it out.

02:09:53.000 Somewhere in my 20s.

02:09:54.000 I figured out that it was just a weakness.

02:09:57.000 But I'm really self-critical, so I had pointed that out. 1.00

02:10:00.000 And so I would see that in other people where they would be hating on other folks, and I'd be like, man, you're fucking yourself. 1.00

02:10:05.000 You don't even realize you're fucking yourself. 0.99

02:10:06.000 We should all be elevating ourselves, all of us. 1.00

02:10:09.000 And that sort of became the idea of...

02:10:12.000 What we do with this whole crew of us that we call the Death Squad.

02:10:16.000 I mean, that's really what it is.

02:10:17.000 It's like we all support each other and we all, like, get psyched for each other. 0.97

02:10:22.000 There's no one, like, Ari Shaffir right now is number one on iTunes, bitches. 1.00

02:10:26.000 Woo! 0.99

02:10:26.000 Yeah, we talked about it yesterday on the podcast, and boom, his new CD is number one. 0.99

02:10:32.000 And it's fucking hilarious.

02:10:33.000 Ari's worked very hard, and we started taking him on the road when he was... 0.96

02:10:37.000 Basically, he was an employee at the Comedy Store, and he was just starting to do real 15- and 20-minute sets many, many, many years ago. 0.85

02:10:46.000 So to see him now headlining major clubs and having the number one CD on iTunes, it's fucking amazing.

02:10:51.000 But that pumps us all up, you know?

02:10:53.000 And number two is Tommy Segura, who's also our buddy.

02:10:57.000 What is his?

02:10:57.000 White Girls with Cornrows?

02:10:58.000 Yeah.

02:10:59.000 Yeah, which is hilarious. 0.97

02:11:00.000 Tommy Segura is one of the best fucking comics in the country right now. 0.97

02:11:03.000 He's so underrated. 0.99

02:11:04.000 He is fucking hilarious. 0.96

02:11:06.000 I'm not familiar with him. 0.99

02:11:06.000 I'll have to check it out. 0.99

02:11:07.000 Oh my god, he's funny.

02:11:08.000 And he's a great guy. 1.00

02:11:10.000 And his shit is number two. 0.99

02:11:12.000 And then Joey Diaz is like number three or number four. 1.00

02:11:14.000 And Joey's been number one for months.

02:11:16.000 It's incredible.

02:11:18.000 But it benefits all of us.

02:11:20.000 It pumps us all up.

02:11:21.000 Starting a podcast here next week. 1.00

02:11:22.000 You fucking are! 1.00

02:11:23.000 Can I do it? 1.00

02:11:23.000 How do we do it? 1.00

02:11:24.000 Do it right here! 0.85

02:11:25.000 I need a logo into Photoshop.

02:11:26.000 Done. 0.99

02:11:26.000 All we need is Kevin Pereira gets shit done. 0.99

02:11:29.000 Let's do it next week. 0.99

02:11:30.000 Yes!

02:11:30.000 See?

02:11:31.000 Yes!

02:11:31.000 I love this.

02:11:32.000 Good.

02:11:33.000 Excellent.

02:11:33.000 Fist to the man.

02:11:34.000 We will now work together.

02:11:35.000 The nighttime is the right time.

02:11:36.000 Kevin Pereira, you are officially Death Squad now.

02:11:38.000 I love it.

02:11:38.000 Is there a cat t-shirt?

02:11:41.000 You've got to hug Brian.

02:11:44.000 It's uncomfortable after the first 30 minutes.

02:11:46.000 Hold him for one hour.

02:11:49.000 Does he go through stages of emotion?

02:11:50.000 He'll cry for a little bit, then he'll get aroused, then he'll get angry.

02:11:53.000 He'll start telling stories of his youth that you think are made up.

02:11:59.000 Yeah, you have to do it.

02:12:03.000 It's very hard for people who don't have things going on in their life to be happy for people who do. 0.99

02:12:08.000 You've got to use that shit as inspiration, man. 0.99

02:12:11.000 When you see someone win an Emmy and you're like, I need to write a script! 1.00

02:12:15.000 Get up and write that fucking script. 0.99

02:12:17.000 Don't hate on the guy who created Sex and the City or the woman who created... 1.00

02:12:22.000 I don't know why I said Sex and the City. 0.99

02:12:24.000 What am I living in the fucking... 0.99

02:12:26.000 I just went back in time. 0.99

02:12:27.000 Because it's a phenomenal series.

02:12:29.000 Don't hate on Louis C.K. for just winning two Emmys.

02:12:32.000 I love that.

02:12:32.000 Yeah, it's awesome.

02:12:33.000 I love the shot of him in the crowd with the two Emmys at his feet and he's just tweeting.

02:12:36.000 I don't know if you've seen that.

02:12:37.000 It's almost like he could care less, but you know he loves it.

02:12:40.000 He's beautiful.

02:12:41.000 Well, you know, he's the real deal and he's a hard-working guy.

02:12:44.000 Brilliant.

02:12:45.000 You should be excited about that.

02:12:47.000 You should see that guy and you shouldn't say, man, he's got this going on and I can't even get a middle spot.

02:12:52.000 You just got to work, man.

02:12:54.000 It's just got to work.

02:12:56.000 But you'll find it gets a lot easier to do that work and you find a lot more support when you're not pissed at people and jealous for their success.

02:13:03.000 It makes you way better.

02:13:04.000 And it's easier to be creative.

02:13:06.000 One of the hardest parts of being creative is if you're in tension with someone.

02:13:10.000 Or you have issues or you're jealous or you have any sort of negativity.

02:13:15.000 It's very difficult to be creative with any sort of negativity in your life because that becomes the blaring focus instead of letting the mind relax and go into these weird sort of patterns of thoughts that create creativity, especially comedic creativity.

02:13:28.000 I was going to say, you can create great music because you're pissed at an ex-girlfriend or you have a heroin problem, but it's really hard to make comedy.

02:13:34.000 How many great songs have been written by dudes who are just trying to get a girl back? 1.00

02:13:37.000 Probably a lot, right?

02:13:38.000 Countless.

02:13:39.000 It's so sad.

02:13:40.000 Countless.

02:13:41.000 I also love that drugs have shaped the design and sound of music throughout time.

02:13:46.000 There's been studies that show that cocaine makes you more sensitive to higher frequencies, and that's why a lot of the music from the 80s had the treble blasted way up, because dudes were just blown out on coke at the mixing board, going, yeah, give me that cymbal!

02:13:57.000 Give me that guitar scream! 1.00

02:13:59.000 Got it, man!

02:14:01.000 I just finished The Dirt.

02:14:02.000 The Motley Crue Tales.

02:14:05.000 Have you read that?

02:14:06.000 It's brilliant.

02:14:07.000 Really?

02:14:08.000 Brilliant!

02:14:08.000 Neil Strauss wrote it.

02:14:10.000 I mean, it's very well written, and it tells you the perspective.

02:14:12.000 I'm not even a Motley Crue fan.

02:14:13.000 I barely know their music.

02:14:15.000 But the stories in here seem unbelievable, but as you flip the page, you get the same tale, but from another band member's perspective.

02:14:22.000 And so, by the third chapter, you've got real perspective on incidents that happened of, like, girls being stuffed into litter boxes and guys ODing in the back of cars.

02:14:31.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:14:31.000 Like, crazy shit. 0.99

02:14:33.000 Blowjobs in private jets while people are overdosing. 1.00

02:14:35.000 Like, it's as rock and roll as rock and roll gets.

02:14:38.000 Oh, wow.

02:14:39.000 That's the program, by the way, you were talking about earlier that stitches everything in it together.

02:14:43.000 Oh, that's another one, because that is definitely not the name of it, but that's awesome.

02:14:46.000 VYClone, it's called.

02:14:47.000 Does it work on all platforms?

02:14:50.000 It's an Apple store.

02:14:52.000 Look at that fake iPhone that shows it.

02:14:54.000 See, these are a bunch of people.

02:14:55.000 All their videos are connecting.

02:14:57.000 Oh, wow.

02:14:58.000 How great is that?

02:14:59.000 That's amazing. 1.00

02:15:01.000 But that song sucks a bag of dicks. 1.00

02:15:03.000 What are you talking about, man? 1.00

02:15:04.000 Kill that song. 1.00

02:15:05.000 That was dope. 0.59

02:15:06.000 Was that Buena Vista Social Club?

02:15:08.000 I love that. 0.98

02:15:08.000 Speaking of songs, everybody keeps asking, when is this fucking end of the world party? 0.98

02:15:11.000 Tickets going on sale. 0.99

02:15:12.000 What?

02:15:12.000 They're going on sale this Friday, and it'll be...

02:15:15.000 Honey Honey, Joe Diaz, Doug Stanhope, and myself.

02:15:20.000 December 21st, 2012 at the Wiltern Theater in LA. Come celebrate the end of the world, bitches. 1.00

02:15:27.000 We're going down swinging. 1.00

02:15:29.000 We're going down with mushrooms and whiskey.

02:15:33.000 That's what we're going to do.

02:15:34.000 Are you going to throw them out to the crowd?

02:15:35.000 Confusing messages.

02:15:37.000 Look, this is the big date that all these crazy people and Terrence McKenna have been predicting of some real change.

02:15:45.000 And I don't believe that anything real is going to happen unless maybe we make something real happen.

02:15:49.000 Maybe you are the one, Neil.

02:15:51.000 Maybe you're the reason.

02:15:51.000 You've got the touch.

02:15:55.000 Dude, shut up. 1.00

02:15:57.000 I think what is going to happen, though, is we're going to have a good fucking time. 1.00

02:16:00.000 And Stan Hope and I have been talking about... 0.98

02:16:02.000 Yeah, December 21st.

02:16:03.000 That's the end of the Mayan calendar.

02:16:04.000 That's the day.

02:16:06.000 The end of the long count.

02:16:07.000 I'm not going to see 30. You will.

02:16:09.000 It's not going to end.

02:16:10.000 It's all going to end.

02:16:11.000 No, I don't buy it.

02:16:12.000 I think we're going to pull it out.

02:16:14.000 You know what I think? 0.99

02:16:14.000 I think there's a battle right now between idiocy and technology. 0.99

02:16:18.000 And I firmly believe that things improve. 0.97

02:16:22.000 And without any source of...

02:16:23.000 If we can avoid nuclear war and cataclysmic impacts by, you know...

02:16:29.000 Asteroids and...

02:16:30.000 Supervolcanoes.

02:16:31.000 Right. 1.00

02:16:31.000 Shit along those lines. 1.00

02:16:32.000 But we also have to accept the fact that the more data comes in, the more we realize there are certain parts of the planet that are habitable and then become inhabitable. 1.00

02:16:42.000 And we have to fucking accept that. 0.62

02:16:44.000 And we need to start thinking about that here in Southern California. 0.98

02:16:47.000 When it gets 110 fucking 30, 40, 50 days in a row, at a certain point in time, you got to go, what if it gets to 130?

02:16:54.000 What if it gets to 150? 0.95

02:16:56.000 Right.

02:16:56.000 What are we doing?

02:16:57.000 Are we going to stay here and wear suits everywhere we go so that we stay alive?

02:17:02.000 The gray alien sleeve.

02:17:03.000 We'll have to be buying those from Apple.

02:17:04.000 What are we going to do if this is the precursor to an Ice Age?

02:17:09.000 And what if the shift comes in dramatic form like they believe it has all throughout history?

02:17:15.000 The end of the last Ice Age abruptly happened, including massive extinction events like the Woolly mammoth, saber-toothed tiger, all sorts of animals just disappeared off the face of the earth. 0.99

02:17:26.000 And we got to accept the fact that that shit could happen here.

02:17:30.000 Just because we have a database of a couple of thousand years of civilization and all living in the same continents, we also have a fucking map of Greenland that they don't really understand where these people, excuse me, not Greenland, Antarctica. 0.99

02:17:43.000 There's a map of Antarctica that came from the 1500s That is a very detailed map of the perimeter and it's correct and they don't know who the fuck charted this thing because Antarctica has been frozen for God knows how long and the suspicion is that at some point in time Antarctica was actually inhabitable. 0.67

02:18:03.000 And there's all these sites that say there's pyramids on Antarctica that they're discovering, but I don't buy that. 0.97

02:18:08.000 That seems like fuckery. 0.99

02:18:09.000 It seems like some horseshit. 1.00

02:18:11.000 Little Yeti homes. 0.99

02:18:12.000 Yeah.

02:18:13.000 But I'm not, I'm completely convinced that in the course of human history, the hundreds of thousands of years that have been things that are remotely close to what we look like, We've had to flee.

02:18:23.000 North America was covered in ice.

02:18:25.000 A mile-high sheet of ice.

02:18:27.000 The Great Lakes were created by all this.

02:18:29.000 Giant boulders were moved.

02:18:31.000 This huge slab of ice comes down.

02:18:33.000 It's a mile high, and it pushes slowly across the land, literally erasing everything in its sight. 0.99

02:18:38.000 You've got to get the fuck out of there. 0.99

02:18:40.000 And that easily could happen to us again. 0.97

02:18:42.000 It's interesting to think, like, if there were another catastrophic environmental event that wiped us out, if thousands of years go on and another human civilization is spawned and birthed, like, what relics they would find, because they might not ever know that we developed the internet, that we had iPhones, that we had anything else.

02:18:57.000 They would get, you know, guns, maybe, maybe a clay pot or two, but they wouldn't really have a knowledge of our civilization because of the way we're storing it. 0.98

02:19:04.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:19:05.000 Yeah, they would be fucked. 1.00

02:19:07.000 Well, that's exactly what they believe happened to the people that built Baalbek in Lebanon, where they have these 10-foot tall stones that are 70, 100 feet long, and they don't even know why the fuck they got them there. 0.99

02:19:17.000 They don't even know when they got them there. 0.65

02:19:19.000 They have no idea.

02:19:20.000 And that's the really extreme people that believe in the ancient civilization's advancement.

02:19:26.000 That's their idea, is that we lost all the glass and metal, and all gets absorbed from...

02:19:31.000 We showed a Blendtec blender blending an iPhone.

02:19:35.000 We showed a video of that yesterday.

02:19:36.000 Yeah, it turned into a fine dust.

02:19:37.000 It's amazing! 0.91

02:19:38.000 What do you think would happen if that iPhone got in the bottom of a glacier and it's a mile high and it's moving a foot a year, whatever the fuck it does, just crushing everything in front of it. 0.78

02:19:48.000 Trillions of tons of ice. 0.60

02:19:50.000 You wouldn't get much more than that either.

02:19:52.000 Just crush it down to nothing. 1.00

02:19:54.000 You mentioned this war between ignorance or stupidity and technology. 1.00

02:20:00.000 Yeah, that's the battle. 1.00

02:20:01.000 It is a huge battle.

02:20:03.000 But what concerns me, and I am fundamentally an optimist, but I always raise a flag when I can.

02:20:10.000 And what concerns me is technology's role in dumbing people down.

02:20:14.000 That its role as a propaganda machine, astroturfing.

02:20:17.000 You know, where you can make it look like the opinions of many are something just with the click of a mouse.

02:20:22.000 There are companies that are designed to do this, where you can disseminate information, people can live in their bubble, where if, let's say, a Republican Googles something or a Democrat Googles something, their results are filtered and different from each other.

02:20:34.000 Like, this is happening today.

02:20:36.000 I see that, but I also, and I agree with you that that is a concern, but I also see that the free distribution of information ultimately will balance that out.

02:20:46.000 Because I see that what's going on now is more skepticism, more intolerance to corruption, more understanding of the corruption itself than it's ever existed before, and that is because of the internet.

02:20:58.000 Right.

02:20:59.000 But have you read YouTube comments?

02:21:00.000 Like, that skepticism is being fueled and powered and growing exponentially on both sides of every issue.

02:21:10.000 You know what I mean?

02:21:11.000 Like the commentary and the dissection and the editing of information, which is prevalent now.

02:21:17.000 People seek out voices that speak to the opinion that they want to have.

02:21:21.000 That is true for now.

02:21:23.000 It's happening.

02:21:23.000 But I think people are better today, I know I am certainly better today, at seeing contrary points, to seeing information that doesn't jive with me.

02:21:32.000 Because you seek them out.

02:21:33.000 Yeah, it's because I seek them out, but I think that's a trend that we could set in all sorts of people.

02:21:37.000 I hope.

02:21:37.000 I think the only way to really truly benefit is to actually truly benefit.

02:21:41.000 And the only way to truly benefit is to be honest and real.

02:21:44.000 And to know what is going on.

02:21:46.000 Not to have a distorted perception of what's going on. 0.99

02:21:48.000 Because you can only live in that distortion for so long before you go fucking insane. 0.98

02:21:52.000 And even people that are insane wish they weren't. 0.98

02:21:54.000 And I think there is a way...

02:21:56.000 That we can all figure out how to get through this and not be insane.

02:22:00.000 And the only way is truth, reality, and objective thinking.

02:22:04.000 I think the internet facilitates that in a way that nothing else before has.

02:22:08.000 I think the internet gives people an ability.

02:22:09.000 And it's only been here for a couple of decades.

02:22:11.000 Sure.

02:22:12.000 I think it hasn't even had a chance We're good to go.

02:22:34.000 That didn't before.

02:22:35.000 The access to information from the time they were a young child and the ability to disseminate information and double and triple check things. 0.79

02:22:42.000 And there's people like WikiLeaks and there's people like Anonymous that are on top of shit to make sure that everybody knows the truth. 0.75

02:22:48.000 And I think that will spawn others. 0.93

02:22:51.000 And I think that is the trend of the future.

02:22:53.000 Future is the truth.

02:22:55.000 And I think that's all being distributed through the internet and changing generations.

02:23:01.000 Again, as a fundamental optimist and an advocate for technology, I agree and I hope.

02:23:07.000 But with that said, just as the internet's ability to distribute information and disseminate truth, it's also in its infancy to distort and to deliver messages to people that are targeted and false.

02:23:18.000 Sure, but that requires conspiracy.

02:23:20.000 And the conspiracy doesn't necessarily...

02:23:22.000 But throughout history, there's been nothing but conspiracy.

02:23:23.000 Conspiracy doesn't necessarily empower the individual.

02:23:26.000 And the individual is the one who's going to break the conspiracy.

02:23:29.000 Much like WikiLeaks, much like that Bradley Manning guy did. 0.97

02:23:32.000 People are going to realize that it does not benefit them to help this big giant group of cunts. 0.96

02:23:38.000 And I think that is a trend. 0.82

02:23:41.000 Or that giant group of cunts will use astroturfing and the technology available to deliver a specific message to them on the channels that they're getting at so that either A, they believe it's truth or they feel like they need to believe it for their security or for a myriad of reasons.

02:23:53.000 Maybe. 0.58

02:23:53.000 Again, I'm the optimist. 0.58

02:23:54.000 My argument is that it's going to be harder and harder to do that.

02:23:56.000 I'm just saying we need to be vigilant.

02:23:58.000 Ever vigilant.

02:23:59.000 Yes, I agree with you.

02:24:00.000 Which is why I'm starting a podcast on Death Squad next week.

02:24:04.000 Kevin Pereira stepped up to the plate, kid.

02:24:08.000 I'm only going to talk about fisting and cake farts.

02:24:10.000 That's all you need to talk about.

02:24:11.000 Everything else is redundant.

02:24:13.000 Cake farts is still one of my favorite videos.

02:24:14.000 It's about fun, ladies and gentlemen.

02:24:16.000 That's what this life is.

02:24:18.000 You want to break it down to hippie positive energy.

02:24:20.000 You want to break it down to that. 0.99

02:24:22.000 That is one way to look at it, although that idea has been tainted by yoga instructors trying to fuck their students. 0.99

02:24:28.000 There's more to it. 0.99

02:24:30.000 And by Coca-Cola saying that that Coke will deliver a smile.

02:24:33.000 If you want fun, buy our product.

02:24:35.000 Yeah, it's possible that some products do deliver fun though, right?

02:24:38.000 They do.

02:24:38.000 Have you tried OxyContin?

02:24:39.000 What about your A7? Oh my god, so much fun.

02:24:42.000 It's an Audi we're talking about.

02:24:43.000 So much fun.

02:24:44.000 It's a spaceship on wheels.

02:24:46.000 What is an A7? It is a spaceship.

02:24:48.000 Yeah, rich guys talking about cars.

02:24:49.000 That's what the folks need in this world.

02:24:51.000 That's real change.

02:24:53.000 It's aspirational programming.

02:24:54.000 How dare you?

02:24:55.000 I'm sad.

02:24:56.000 I'm sad that it's just Obama.

02:24:58.000 I thought when Obama came into office that we were going to have like a real...

02:25:01.000 Wasn't there a moment where you really thought like... 0.99

02:25:03.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:25:04.000 You know why I thought too? 0.99

02:25:05.000 And it wasn't because I believed the campaign.

02:25:07.000 I really believed that we would see change because his first campaign was funded by the people.

02:25:13.000 And, you know, again, money and politics is the root of so many evils. 0.96

02:25:17.000 Lobbyists, super PACs, all that shit is the root of so many evils that I thought like, here is a guy who's going to be beholden to us. 0.99

02:25:23.000 Right. 1.00

02:25:23.000 Because we put him there. 1.00

02:25:25.000 I personally donated.

02:25:26.000 He's a young guy.

02:25:28.000 He comes from a single mom.

02:25:30.000 He's half black.

02:25:31.000 He's been through the system.

02:25:32.000 He's not an elitist. 1.00

02:25:32.000 He's not some blue blood cunt that went to school in Connecticut. 1.00

02:25:35.000 Yeah, I thought this is our chance. 0.99

02:25:37.000 I thought this was really going to be a chance.

02:25:40.000 The Bush-Cheney administration was clearly evil. 0.97

02:25:43.000 I mean, you could be a Republican all day, ladies and gentlemen, if you are a fan of civil liberties, if you are a fan of people looking out for people, how the fuck could you be a fan of Even on the fiscal side, fiscal conservatism, they blew up the budget with unfunded wars and everything else. 0.99

02:26:02.000 So, pretty insane. 0.92

02:26:03.000 And it was pretty telling that none of them were at the RNC. Not a single one of them was trying to erase those memories.

02:26:09.000 Isn't that hilarious?

02:26:10.000 You would think that the last sitting president, the last sitting president, two-term president, would be someone that they would bring out. 0.61

02:26:16.000 No, they are avoiding any mention of George W. He might be insane by now.

02:26:20.000 Who knows?

02:26:21.000 When was the last time we saw him get interviewed?

02:26:22.000 He might be out.

02:26:23.000 He's on a ranch right now.

02:26:24.000 He's doing fine.

02:26:25.000 I think there's got to be some disconnect.

02:26:27.000 In order for you to be a guy who's responsible for the death of hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, there's got to be some sort of a disconnect. 0.93

02:26:34.000 And ultimately, I think that's probably what fucked Ronald Reagan's head over. 0.96

02:26:37.000 I think that it fucks up a lot of people. 0.98

02:26:40.000 Look, Johnny Cochran and Robert Kardashian, both those guys died young of brain tumors.

02:26:46.000 Okay, why?

02:26:46.000 Because they got O.J. Simpson off.

02:26:48.000 They know they did something evil.

02:26:50.000 Yeah, they know. 1.00

02:26:50.000 They know they did some evil shit. 1.00

02:26:52.000 I mean, you get brain tumors. 0.99

02:26:54.000 Two guys get brain tumors.

02:26:55.000 They die of...

02:26:56.000 I think they both got brain tumors.

02:26:58.000 Those are the guys?

02:26:59.000 Either way, they're both young.

02:27:01.000 They both died young. 1.00

02:27:02.000 I mean, your health pays a fucking price for that shit. 1.00

02:27:06.000 I'm not saying I wonder if there's been studies on that where people have to lie during a study or do something they believe is morally wrong and then they test their physical health to see if that knowledge, if those secrets weighs on them because it must. 1.00

02:27:17.000 I'm sure it does.

02:27:18.000 It has to have a load bear on your soul.

02:27:19.000 It's got to. 0.99

02:27:20.000 It fucks people over, man. 0.71

02:27:22.000 You've seen people's faces when they've gone through scandal and they're dealing with negative. 0.95

02:27:26.000 Negative energy becomes real.

02:27:27.000 Talk to Jamie Kilstein. 0.99

02:27:29.000 Negative energy will fucking come down on you for real. 0.98

02:27:32.000 Has there been a study on memory recall and... 0.98

02:27:37.000 Memory recall of those who are documenting an experience versus those who are actively participating in it.

02:27:42.000 Like, for example, if I'm at a concert or if I'm at any event and I'm too busy taking photos for Instagram and tweeting about it and snapping photos and whatever, yes, I can look at those memories and I have recall of those memories, but how active is my memory of that event and, you know, on what scale would I rate that experience versus being present and enjoying it?

02:27:59.000 It's extremely subjective.

02:28:01.000 Depends on the individual.

02:28:01.000 It depends on how they viewed the past, whether or not they've had traumatic experiences at any sort of event before, whether they've had a reason to look at things in great detail.

02:28:10.000 They've also shown that people can experience things.

02:28:13.000 And then if there's a certain amount of time where someone introduces something that didn't actually happen into their thoughts and then revisits it with the same information later, that these people will agree that something happened that didn't happen.

02:28:27.000 So they'll intentionally inject, especially during emotionally charged events, they'll intentionally inject some sort of a fake memory into someone's mind, and later that becomes real.

02:28:39.000 And that's what people have argued about O.J., that O.J. actually does believe that he didn't kill them after a while, that you might even be able to fucking pass a polygraph test after a certain time. 0.94

02:28:49.000 Oh, you can absolutely introduce false memories by asking leading questions. 0.97

02:28:52.000 About the guy in the white hat.

02:28:54.000 Of course.

02:28:54.000 You know the guy in the white hat.

02:28:55.000 Oh, of course there was a guy in a white hat there because now you're asking me about that.

02:28:58.000 Well, you know that whole story about those people that were wrongly convicted of child molestation.

02:29:03.000 They were running a daycare center and they had talked all these kids into coming up with stories of someone touching them.

02:29:10.000 And it was all false. 1.00

02:29:12.000 It was all bullshit. 1.00

02:29:13.000 But they had introduced it into a child's brain. 0.99

02:29:16.000 And like, there's one thing to talk about memories and how tricky that can be.

02:29:21.000 Because on one hand, there are memories in my life that I have that I can tell you with absolutely no uncertainty whatsoever that I remember exactly what happened.

02:29:30.000 But there's some that I'm like, man, it's like a flash show in my head.

02:29:35.000 It's like a snapshot show.

02:29:37.000 I see like a slide here, a slide there.

02:29:40.000 And if I can interpolate that for you and say, well, in between slide A and slide B, this event happened, you might actually connect those dots and go, oh, I guess your event did happen because I could see that.

02:29:48.000 Being part of the progression.

02:29:49.000 Sort of.

02:29:49.000 And things get recalibrated, too.

02:29:51.000 Like, I remember I had a particular image of the house where I grew up in, and then I went back and saw it recently, and I was like, oh yeah, okay, it was over here now.

02:29:59.000 Oh, it was this way.

02:30:00.000 You know, it was like, I had to recalibrate, and now I have the revised version.

02:30:04.000 I have all the...

02:30:05.000 The updated memory.

02:30:05.000 Yeah.

02:30:05.000 I have everything put into place, but if you had made me, like, draw my street before, I might have fucked it up entirely.

02:30:11.000 Right.

02:30:11.000 I might have had different people's houses on the wrong sides.

02:30:15.000 Oh, the bridge is over to the left. 0.99

02:30:16.000 Fuck, I thought it was over here. 1.00

02:30:18.000 You can twist shit up and make it real inside your stupid head. 1.00

02:30:24.000 Maybe that's one of the benefits of the upgrade when we're going to be able to videotape things. 1.00

02:30:28.000 Record everything 24-7?

02:30:30.000 Yeah, and it's going to start out with Google goggles and then work its way to a chip that you put in your eyeballs.

02:30:35.000 It'll be contact lens with OLED and then you won't even need the lens.

02:30:38.000 Who's going to be the first person that lets their eyes get cut out for some new eyeballs that we've invented that are way better?

02:30:44.000 That's going to happen.

02:30:44.000 I'm reading a book about that right now.

02:30:46.000 It's a fictional tale about a guy who loses his leg in a traumatic accident, but he's an engineer working at this future kind of biotech company.

02:30:52.000 So he designs a better leg and then gets addicted to the fact that his bionic leg has better features and can do certain things that his real leg can't.

02:31:00.000 So he cuts off his real leg.

02:31:01.000 Oh! 0.60

02:31:01.000 The other one, so we can have two bionic legs, but then he's like, well, if my legs are better, why don't I cut off my arm? 0.60

02:31:06.000 Oh my god. 0.91

02:31:06.000 And it's like, it's that whole cycle, repeating itself is fucking awesome. 0.91

02:31:09.000 Jesus. 0.67

02:31:09.000 Yeah, you would think the six million dollar man would not be happy with just a good right hand. 0.67

02:31:13.000 You know, he throws a shitty jab, and behind comes the right hand of doom that can punch right through your head. 0.57

02:31:18.000 There's a great video of people throwing baseballs with their non-dominant hands. 0.95

02:31:21.000 I don't know if you've seen it, but it's hilarious.

02:31:22.000 It's hilarious, like the weakling little throw and the awkward motion that if you try to do anything with your non-dominant hand...

02:31:29.000 We were talking about this the other day. 0.98

02:31:30.000 Do you guys think you can masturbate using your non-dominant hand? 0.99

02:31:33.000 I can. 1.00

02:31:34.000 Absolutely.

02:31:37.000 Masturbation is just this.

02:31:38.000 It's not a lot of work.

02:31:39.000 It feels weird to me. 0.96

02:31:39.000 Playing pool left-handed is really fucking hard. 0.96

02:31:43.000 I play really good right-handed. 0.99

02:31:44.000 You're pretty much just jerking off with a cue stick, though. 0.93

02:31:45.000 That's that motion. 0.96

02:31:46.000 You were just doing a Euro grip.

02:31:47.000 Yeah, but it's not.

02:31:49.000 It's how you judge...

02:31:51.000 The plane of your arm.

02:31:54.000 You have to be in control of the speed of the motion.

02:31:58.000 There's a lot of fine motor skill movements going on there.

02:32:00.000 But it's nothing compared to drawing.

02:32:03.000 I can shoot pool.

02:32:05.000 I can make certain shots with my left hand.

02:32:07.000 I can't draw with my left hand at all.

02:32:09.000 Can you write? 0.99

02:32:10.000 Fucking barely. 1.00

02:32:11.000 It doesn't listen. 1.00

02:32:12.000 But every guy is ambidextrous when it comes to jerking off. 0.99

02:32:15.000 No, not really. 0.99

02:32:16.000 Yes!

02:32:16.000 Come on!

02:32:16.000 Every guy can switch hit.

02:32:18.000 I can.

02:32:19.000 What?

02:32:19.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

02:32:20.000 If there was nothing in front of me and I had my imagination with my right hand, I could do it.

02:32:27.000 My left hand, I think from scratch with nothing in front of me, I don't think I could even get a hard bracelet on your left hand.

02:32:32.000 I disagree.

02:32:32.000 I know you could do it.

02:32:33.000 You would just have to be horny enough. 1.00

02:32:35.000 See, when you say from scratch, you're talking about your regular life, which you beat off like a fucking spider monkey every three or four hours. 1.00

02:32:43.000 You need a highly tuned jerk-off hand for that kind of beating up. 1.00

02:32:47.000 You're a guy who watches porn all the time. 1.00

02:32:49.000 You bang porn stars. 1.00

02:32:51.000 You got a lot of ridiculousness going on in your situation. 1.00

02:32:55.000 But if you were like a guy who couldn't ever get laid, and you didn't have access to porn, and you weren't jerking off, no fleshlights, and you went without beating off for like two weeks, and then someone said, here, here's a porno film, beat off with your left hand, you'd be like, fuck yeah! 0.99

02:33:11.000 You had Peter North all over your screen. 0.99

02:33:14.000 It just seems like it's really dead.

02:33:20.000 It doesn't feel like it has any feeling.

02:33:22.000 You've got to build that up, man.

02:33:24.000 You've got calluses on a new guitar player.

02:33:26.000 You've got to build it up. 0.99

02:33:27.000 It's like my joke that I had way, way, way back in the day about having a girl jerk you off. 0.99

02:33:31.000 Having a girl jerk you off trying to brush your teeth with your left hand. 1.00

02:33:34.000 It's like just clumsy, spastic, and that your right hand is a motherfucker. 1.00

02:33:39.000 Your right hand knows where the gum line is, and it gets that fast vibration, but your left hand, it's like you have to hold it still and move your face over to the brush, because your hand is so stupid. 0.99

02:33:49.000 It doesn't have a brush right. 0.99

02:33:51.000 That's why I baby bird with two sonic hairs every night, just so I can make sure I can double fist the I put a Q-tip in each ear, and I took a shit at the same time, and then I blacked out from ecstasy. 0.64

02:34:02.000 It was the most amazing feeling ever. 0.96

02:34:04.000 You cleared all your orifices at once.

02:34:06.000 It was this wonderful feeling.

02:34:08.000 There's a new toilet add-on that they're selling, the Squatty.

02:34:12.000 It's supposed to be like a thing that stores...

02:34:14.000 You stand on it, right? 0.99

02:34:15.000 No, you sit, but it elevates your legs so that you have more of a squatting posture, which relaxes the tract so that the shit can slide out easier. 0.98

02:34:23.000 And it's been scientifically proven that squatting... 0.97

02:34:25.000 I mean, we've done it for...

02:34:26.000 Years and years and years as a society until we have bowls to sit down on that it's more efficient, it's healthier for you.

02:34:32.000 Yeah, they still do it.

02:34:33.000 China, apparently.

02:34:33.000 Yeah, they still do it in many places.

02:34:35.000 But I just think that's, I wonder if that's gonna catch on. 0.97

02:34:37.000 The shitting platform. 0.98

02:34:38.000 People are so weird about fecal matter and biological movements in general. 0.91

02:34:43.000 Well, when Brian and I were in Japan, one of the things that we...

02:34:45.000 By the way, you guys sent me these toilets, and I gotta thank this company that sent me the toilet, because I don't have the information.

02:34:54.000 You already have one?

02:34:54.000 Yeah, they sent me two of them.

02:34:55.000 I haven't set them up yet, though.

02:34:56.000 Are they the ones with the heating, massaging, and the ass jet? 0.61

02:34:59.000 Yes, the whole deal. 0.66

02:35:00.000 And they will be at the new studio. 0.99

02:35:05.000 So Brian, when you take a shit at the new studio, you will be able to clean your... 0.99

02:35:09.000 Are they toeders? 0.99

02:35:10.000 They are called...

02:35:12.000 The company's called Brondell.

02:35:14.000 And it's B-R-O-N-D-E-L-L dot com. 1.00

02:35:20.000 And Brondell has... 0.98

02:35:22.000 They sent us two of these and they're fucking badass. 0.99

02:35:24.000 They're like Cadillacs for your ass cheeks. 1.00

02:35:26.000 Everybody should be shitting with them. 1.00

02:35:27.000 One in my home office and one in the studio and it will be dope as fuck. 1.00

02:35:32.000 You said new studio? 0.98

02:35:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:35:33.000 I got a new studio in Woodland Hills.

02:35:35.000 Congrats.

02:35:36.000 Yeah, thanks.

02:35:36.000 It's all set up.

02:35:37.000 It's fucking badass. 0.97

02:35:39.000 It's... 0.97

02:35:39.000 The lease is signed and now there's... 0.97

02:35:42.000 Equipment being built right now.

02:35:43.000 I'm hiring this dude, Eric, who created Brian's cat clock over there, the desk quad clock.

02:35:49.000 Yeah, it's dope.

02:35:50.000 He's a metal worker.

02:35:51.000 He's building me this custom whole thing.

02:35:54.000 Like a desk setup kind of thing?

02:35:55.000 And it's going to be cool because it's reclaimed wood.

02:35:58.000 We're using reclaimed farm oak.

02:36:00.000 Look at you.

02:36:01.000 Upcycling.

02:36:01.000 Yeah, not only that.

02:36:02.000 I like the fact that it's got...

02:36:04.000 Some life to it.

02:36:05.000 It's old.

02:36:06.000 People have been using this.

02:36:08.000 There's vibes in it.

02:36:10.000 I subscribe to this Rupert Sheldrake idea that even objects have some sort of memory.

02:36:16.000 They resonate and some energy has been pumped into them.

02:36:18.000 That's why the old recording studios, people are like, well, these albums have been recorded there.

02:36:21.000 And I'm like, that means something.

02:36:22.000 Those vibes and that energy was captured there.

02:36:25.000 Dude, I'm going to take you after this podcast is over into the main room of the comedy room here at the Ice House and you tell me if you don't feel vibes in this place. 0.97

02:36:33.000 This place is fucking magic.

02:36:35.000 The Ice House is a perfect example of a vortex of happiness. 1.00

02:36:40.000 So many people have laughed their fucking ass off in that room. 0.97

02:36:43.000 That room has a resonance, like a Don't you feel it? 0.99

02:36:48.000 Yeah.

02:36:49.000 You know what's really badass, by the way?

02:36:51.000 Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock were both at the Comedy Store last night.

02:36:55.000 Really?

02:36:55.000 It was so weird.

02:36:57.000 I was just walking in.

02:36:58.000 It's Trippin' Tuesday or whatever. 0.99

02:37:01.000 And I'm just like, holy shit, that's... 0.99

02:37:03.000 Eddie Murphy. 1.00

02:37:04.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:37:04.000 Were they on stage? 1.00

02:37:05.000 No, they were just hanging out watching comics.

02:37:07.000 Speaking of which, we've got to get Charlie back in here, man.

02:37:09.000 We haven't had Charlie in here in a while.

02:37:11.000 I've got to contact him.

02:37:12.000 That was one of my favorite episodes when he was telling the story about Mike Tyson. 0.99

02:37:14.000 He pulled up to Mike Tyson's house and he was playing with a fucking lion. 0.97

02:37:21.000 Charlie Murph is one of the greatest storytellers ever. 0.98

02:37:24.000 Last summer, I was in Hawaii with my family on vacation, and I ran into his cousin Rich at the resort.

02:37:30.000 I was like, what are you doing here?

02:37:31.000 He's like, Charlie's here.

02:37:32.000 Eddie's here.

02:37:33.000 And I hung out with Eddie.

02:37:34.000 I had lunch with Eddie Murphy and Charlie.

02:37:36.000 It was like, this is the weirdest thing ever.

02:37:38.000 For being a kid to watching Raw, and then all of a sudden I'm talking to Eddie Murphy about comedy.

02:37:43.000 I was like, whoa, this is bizarre, man.

02:37:46.000 We're just sitting there talking to him like, this is the strangest thing ever.

02:37:49.000 He was super nice, man. 0.99

02:37:51.000 I've heard Eddie Murphy could be a dick. 0.99

02:37:52.000 He couldn't have been nicer, man. 1.00

02:37:54.000 Maybe he was on vacation.

02:37:55.000 Well, he's on vacation in Hawaii with his family.

02:37:56.000 I mean, come on.

02:37:57.000 I would hope he's a nice guy. 0.99

02:37:58.000 That was one of those things where I was talking and I was like, holy shit, I'm talking to Eddie Murphy. 0.97

02:38:03.000 This is legit. 0.99

02:38:04.000 When that moment happens, do you feel yourself projecting out of your body and getting lost in your own thoughts or do you keep it together pretty well and go, oh shit, I'm talking, but focus up. 0.95

02:38:12.000 This is a moment. 0.98

02:38:12.000 No, I stay in the moment. 0.98

02:38:14.000 There's like a little voice. 1.00

02:38:16.000 I'm like, shut up, bitch. 1.00

02:38:17.000 There's a six-year-old kid in cowboy pajama onesie. 1.00

02:38:20.000 Oh my god, Eddie Murphy!

02:38:22.000 Yeah, the kid who listened to his first CD when he was on Saturday Night Live.

02:38:26.000 It was a cassette back then.

02:38:27.000 His best work, in my opinion, wasn't even Delirious.

02:38:30.000 It was the album before Delirious. 1.00

02:38:31.000 Where he talks about putting an aftershave on his dick and washing his balls in the sink. 1.00

02:38:35.000 And his grandma came in, you lazy motherfucker, washing your dick in the sink. 1.00

02:38:40.000 You're too lazy to even take a bath. 1.00

02:38:42.000 You're washing your dick in the sink. 1.00

02:38:44.000 It's fucking funny, man. 1.00

02:38:46.000 There's a weird thing about, like, when I met Anthony Bourdain, it seemed silly, but I met him, it was a weird thing. 0.98

02:38:52.000 I was like, oh, this is fucking, I'm actually talking to Anthony Bourdain. 0.93

02:38:55.000 This is strange. 0.99

02:38:56.000 He had no reservations about it.

02:38:58.000 Yeah.

02:38:58.000 Ah!

02:38:59.000 Oh, you did it!

02:39:00.000 Boom! 0.99

02:39:01.000 When you like somebody and then you meet them, it's real weird.

02:39:03.000 So when people meet me and they get weirded out, I'll go, dude, I've been there.

02:39:06.000 Don't worry about it.

02:39:07.000 Just get through it.

02:39:08.000 Ride it out.

02:39:09.000 You realize we're all just people.

02:39:12.000 It just takes time.

02:39:14.000 That said, Kevin Smith for president.

02:39:17.000 That's who I'm voting in.

02:39:18.000 Kevin Smith?

02:39:19.000 Kevin Smith for president.

02:39:20.000 Is he running?

02:39:20.000 No.

02:39:21.000 I think I'm going to vote him in.

02:39:22.000 He's a good guy.

02:39:22.000 Seems like you would run things fairly.

02:39:24.000 Ventura's running.

02:39:25.000 He started out from scratch.

02:39:26.000 He's my guy.

02:39:28.000 Everyone talks about Gary Johnson.

02:39:31.000 People even mention me.

02:39:33.000 I think Kevin Smith.

02:39:34.000 I say he's a good dude.

02:39:35.000 Let's put him as president.

02:39:36.000 You want to be his vice president?

02:39:37.000 Kevin Pereira, vice president?

02:39:39.000 Ventura was talking about running in 2016. Howard Stern is his running mate.

02:39:44.000 I think that's awesome.

02:39:45.000 Howard Stern is his right?

02:39:46.000 Yeah.

02:39:47.000 That'd be awesome.

02:39:48.000 But Ventura is like, what's his record of everything from entertainer to book writer to government official to Navy SEAL? What about Tower 7?

02:39:57.000 That's something they never bring up is Tower 7. So good!

02:40:01.000 I was a Navy SEAL! I love it!

02:40:03.000 I want that!

02:40:04.000 Tower 7!

02:40:04.000 It's one step closer to President Camacho.

02:40:06.000 I think that he has a good grasp on the amount of fuckery in his government, but if you listen to the way he debated with Jimmy Norton when he went on the Opie and Anthony show, him and Jimmy Norton, you realize he's kind of a fuckhead. 1.00

02:40:23.000 He's got some fuckhead in him. 1.00

02:40:24.000 Don't they all? 1.00

02:40:25.000 Yeah, everybody does.

02:40:26.000 Don't they all?

02:40:26.000 Everybody does.

02:40:27.000 So this Brunel or Brunel?

02:40:29.000 We need to get them on mushrooms. 0.98

02:40:30.000 Was your Brunel a full toilet or is it one of those lids?

02:40:33.000 It's a lid.

02:40:33.000 It's just like the ones in Japan.

02:40:35.000 They take your regular lid off and they put this electronic ass clean in, biflamma jammy, warm water up your butt thing. 1.00

02:40:43.000 It's amazing. 0.99

02:40:43.000 USB cable gets in there and cleans it all out. 0.99

02:40:45.000 And it's something that makes you realize, like, wow.

02:40:47.000 Why are we so gross with our smearing poo paper?

02:40:50.000 Because that's all it is.

02:40:52.000 We need the three seashells. 0.99

02:40:53.000 We all need to have our asses cleaned like that. 1.00

02:40:55.000 It would probably be like way healthy. 0.99

02:40:57.000 That's what a good girlfriend is for. 1.00

02:40:59.000 Muslims make fun of them. 0.99

02:41:01.000 Muslims make fun of them. 1.00

02:41:03.000 Yeah, that's when you really love a chick, when you shit in front of her. 1.00

02:41:05.000 I've seen guys shit in front of their girlfriends. 1.00

02:41:07.000 I was like, I've never been that comfortable with somebody. 1.00

02:41:09.000 A real relationship, you do it on her.

02:41:11.000 I mean, just chest and plastic wrap and just get it going.

02:41:14.000 Okay, Stallone.

02:41:16.000 I think the rumors of Stallone, even if they were true, it's like, I've seen it all! 0.98

02:41:21.000 You want to fucking shock me? 1.00

02:41:23.000 Shit on my chest! 1.00

02:41:24.000 You have to read The Dirt, man. 1.00

02:41:26.000 When they're putting hotel room phones into women's assholes and trying to order room service by yelling into them. 1.00

02:41:31.000 No. 0.99

02:41:32.000 This is in the Motley Crue book?

02:41:35.000 It's a great book. 1.00

02:41:36.000 Again, not even a fan of Motley Crue, but the shit they did. 0.98

02:41:39.000 If it's on Audible, it's absolutely worth listening to. 0.99

02:41:43.000 Whoa.

02:41:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:41:44.000 Imagine you're the next person in that fucking hotel room and you go to pick up dessert. 1.00

02:41:48.000 I'm getting weird about hotel rooms now. 1.00

02:41:50.000 You should be weird.

02:41:51.000 Yeah, the remote control and the bedspread.

02:41:55.000 Not the sheets, but the bedspread.

02:41:56.000 How many naked dudes have just beat off there? 1.00

02:41:58.000 How many remote controls have been up someone's ass? 1.00

02:42:00.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:42:00.000 I don't have to clean this. 0.99

02:42:01.000 I'll put that there. 1.00

02:42:02.000 Right up their ass. 1.00

02:42:04.000 Spider-Man. 1.00

02:42:04.000 Yeah, bent over trying to use the remote from inside your ass with your sphincter. 1.00

02:42:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:42:10.000 If I do a kegel, I can watch pay-per-view.

02:42:13.000 The thing is still pointing outward, right?

02:42:15.000 You've got the IR beam coming out of the butthole. 0.99

02:42:18.000 Squeeze it with your ass to get the right numbers. 1.00

02:42:21.000 Time to check out. 1.00

02:42:22.000 This fucking podcast is in the toilet, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

02:42:25.000 That's where it should be. 1.00

02:42:26.000 Literally.

02:42:26.000 That's where it should be right now.

02:42:27.000 Literally.

02:42:28.000 And I don't like to say literally.

02:42:30.000 Kevin Smith for president, folks.

02:42:32.000 Let's get this trending.

02:42:33.000 Let's make it. 0.99

02:42:34.000 That Kevin Smith on Twitter, he's a good fucking dude. 0.99

02:42:36.000 He could run things. 0.99

02:42:37.000 I'll vote for Kevin Pereira.

02:42:38.000 Kevin Pereira and Kevin Smith.

02:42:39.000 That was my point.

02:42:41.000 We'll bring the two of them together.

02:42:42.000 Dual ticket.

02:42:43.000 Let's do it.

02:42:43.000 I love him.

02:42:44.000 I'll watch from the sidelines.

02:42:46.000 No, we need you out there.

02:42:47.000 Preaching the word.

02:42:47.000 We need the Death Squad support.

02:42:48.000 I'll do it through Twitter.

02:42:49.000 There we go.

02:42:50.000 I'll preach through Twitter.

02:42:51.000 Preach the revolution.

02:42:51.000 And occasionally YouTube.

02:42:54.000 And I'll...

02:42:56.000 Whatever. 0.99

02:42:57.000 We can go to Kevin Rose's sex parties.

02:42:59.000 We'll help you when you launch your new podcast on the Death Squad Network next week.

02:43:03.000 Kevin Pereira, ladies and gentlemen.

02:43:05.000 New top ten podcast. 0.99

02:43:07.000 I got shit to plug. 0.99

02:43:08.000 Let's do it. 1.00

02:43:08.000 Get introduced into the fucking Matrix. 1.00

02:43:10.000 We're going to change things, folks, from the ground floor. 1.00

02:43:13.000 Will Onnit sponsor me? 1.00

02:43:15.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:43:16.000 Done. 1.00

02:43:17.000 Done.

02:43:18.000 Take it.

02:43:20.000 Done.

02:43:21.000 Done.

02:43:22.000 All right, folks. 1.00

02:43:23.000 Let's fucking bring this bitch home. 1.00

02:43:24.000 Kevin, you're an animal, a great human being. 1.00

02:43:27.000 Thank you, sir. 1.00

02:43:28.000 You're a fucking fantastic guest. 0.98

02:43:29.000 Always a pleasure. 1.00

02:43:30.000 It was like we're about to run out of time on Ustream, but it's like we could do another six hours of this shit. 0.99

02:43:35.000 Yeah, right. 0.99

02:43:35.000 We've got to do this more often. 0.99

02:43:36.000 We've got to do a marathon.

02:43:37.000 We're going to.

02:43:38.000 You're going to have your own podcast.

02:43:40.000 I'm going to do yours.

02:43:40.000 You're going to do mine.

02:43:41.000 We're going to keep this party rolling this weekend, you fucking savages in North Carolina. 0.99

02:43:47.000 We will be in Raleigh at Memorial Hall Friday night, which is... 0.99

02:43:52.000 What's today?

02:43:52.000 The 26th?

02:43:54.000 The 28th.

02:43:54.000 Friday the 28th of September at Memorial Hall in Raleigh and then Saturday night.

02:44:01.000 We're at the Thomas Wolfe Auditorium in Asheville, North Carolina. 0.99

02:44:06.000 Asheville, I hear that's a bad motherfucking town. 0.99

02:44:09.000 Except for the white dudes with dreadlocks and the drum circles. 1.00

02:44:13.000 I hear that shit's gotta go! 1.00

02:44:14.000 So what we need to do is get to Asheville and introduce those kids to some fucking squats. 1.00

02:44:19.000 Some deep squats and some bison meat, okay? 0.99

02:44:23.000 Put the tofu down!

02:44:25.000 Bam! 0.98

02:44:25.000 If you don't eat bisons, they just rot or monsters come and eat them. 0.98

02:44:31.000 And then we get more monsters eating bisons. 0.99

02:44:33.000 Whatever can kill a bison, you don't want that fucking thing around, okay? 1.00

02:44:36.000 Trust me. 1.00

02:44:37.000 Kill the bison yourself. 1.00

02:44:38.000 Keep the population in line. 1.00

02:44:40.000 Have a good steak.

02:44:41.000 Build that testosterone.

02:44:42.000 Do hill sprints.

02:44:43.000 I want you to do some sandbag training. 1.00

02:44:45.000 Start taking jujitsu, my friend!

02:44:49.000 Trying to make some armies here.

02:44:50.000 And the only way the army really is going to work is if they're smart, so they've got to take the alpha brain.

02:44:54.000 Go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. Get yourself some alpha brain. 0.95

02:44:58.000 Thanks again to audible.com for sponsoring this podcast.

02:45:01.000 And if you go to audible.com forward slash Joe, you can try Audible free for 30 days and get a free audio book.

02:45:11.000 There's a lot of good ones. 0.98

02:45:12.000 Fuck, what was the one? 1.00

02:45:13.000 The Bobcat Goldthwait. 0.99

02:45:14.000 Bobcat Goldthwait's got a couple of good books up there too. 1.00

02:45:16.000 He is a brilliant motherfucker. 0.99

02:45:17.000 And he's a great guy. 1.00

02:45:18.000 We had him on the podcast.

02:45:19.000 We love him.

02:45:20.000 And that's it.

02:45:21.000 Okay, so we will see you next week.

02:45:23.000 We've got a ton of podcast guests next week, including Amber Lyon, formerly of CNN. She's awesome. 0.88

02:45:31.000 She's going to tell us what the fuck is going on in this crazy, wacky world of the media. 0.97

02:45:38.000 We also have the guys from London Real. 0.99

02:45:40.000 And London Real is a great podcast that has been, they've said themselves, they were inspired by this one.

02:45:47.000 And that's what made them start it. 0.97

02:45:49.000 And they're doing a fucking amazing job. 0.83

02:45:50.000 They've had Graham Hancock on and Simon Powell and a bunch of really interesting people. 0.98

02:45:54.000 We've talked a lot about psychedelics and martial arts and philosophies.

02:45:59.000 It's very, very similar to this show in a lot of ways and really interesting, introspective, honest dudes.

02:46:04.000 So they will be on next week as well. 1.00

02:46:07.000 And we're fucking, we got shit rolling, bitches. 1.00

02:46:11.000 Can I sneak in a 10 second plug? 1.00

02:46:12.000 I totally forgot to.

02:46:13.000 Let's ask America.tv.

02:46:15.000 It's a new game show that I'm doing, syndicated telepictures.

02:46:17.000 It's only in a few markets, but if you guys go there, click on the YouTube link, watch the first episode or two.

02:46:22.000 You might not like it.

02:46:23.000 I love it. 0.75

02:46:24.000 It's a fun, silly game show. 1.00

02:46:25.000 You should fucking be on it. 1.00

02:46:26.000 I'll do it. 0.99

02:46:27.000 You play from home using Skype.

02:46:28.000 I'll do it.

02:46:29.000 So any of your audience can sign up.

02:46:30.000 And I've seen dudes win $50,000 in 20 minutes.

02:46:32.000 I've hosted a show and handed out 50 grand for having an opinion about America. 1.00

02:46:37.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:46:37.000 On your webcam. 1.00

02:46:38.000 That's amazing.

02:46:38.000 It's a brand new game show.

02:46:39.000 I'm having a blast doing it.

02:46:40.000 So what would I do?

02:46:41.000 Would I be a judge or something?

02:46:42.000 No, you could be a contestant.

02:46:43.000 I could be a contestant?

02:46:44.000 Yeah, I mean, you'd probably have to play for charity, but...

02:46:45.000 I'll play for charity.

02:46:46.000 Done.

02:46:46.000 Okay, you'll pick a good charity.

02:46:48.000 You got it.

02:46:48.000 Okay, beautiful.

02:46:49.000 Thank you.

02:46:49.000 Let's ask America about that TV. Hopefully we'll get Ian Edwards back next week.

02:46:54.000 Ian's a fucking hilarious comedian.

02:46:55.000 He should be here today, but honestly, Kevin Perry's a better guest. 0.93

02:47:00.000 But Ian's a great guy.

02:47:01.000 No, Ian's a great guy. 1.00

02:47:02.000 What the fuck is that shit? 1.00

02:47:03.000 Check out my new podcast. 1.00

02:47:05.000 You know why he's a better guest?

02:47:06.000 Because he's here.

02:47:07.000 That's right. 1.00

02:47:08.000 He didn't have to fuck. 1.00

02:47:09.000 Cancel that flight, bitch. 1.00

02:47:10.000 You got a flight? 1.00

02:47:11.000 Cancel that! 0.95

02:47:12.000 Change it.

02:47:12.000 Move it around.

02:47:13.000 Don't cancel the podcast.

02:47:14.000 How dare you? 1.00

02:47:15.000 Millions of people listening to this shit. 1.00

02:47:17.000 This is for you. 1.00

02:47:18.000 It's disrespectful, Joe, and I'm sorry that it happened.

02:47:20.000 It's for all of us together.

02:47:21.000 We are all in this dirty thing together, ladies and gentlemen.

02:47:25.000 Remember, if I can tell you anything, give you any piece of advice, is you can be the hero of your own story.

02:47:32.000 If your life was a movie, and it started right now...

02:47:35.000 Act like you're the hero. 1.00

02:47:37.000 Get shit done. 0.99

02:47:38.000 Do what the hero would do. 1.00

02:47:39.000 And you will have a beautiful life.

02:47:40.000 Good night.

02:47:41.000 See you soon.

02:47:42.000 Next week.

02:47:43.000 Maybe I'll see you this weekend if you live in North Carolina. 1.00

02:47:45.000 If you're fucking crazy enough to just travel there. 0.99

02:47:47.000 I have a Death Squad show here Friday, by the way. 1.00

02:47:49.000 Tickets are on sale.

02:47:50.000 Who's on?

02:47:51.000 Who's on the show?

02:47:51.000 It's a secret!

02:47:53.000 You gotta say who's on the show.

02:47:54.000 No, it's a secret right now.

02:47:55.000 You know it's gonna be quality because it's Death Squad.

02:47:58.000 I'm trying.

02:47:59.000 I'm part of the family now.

02:48:00.000 You don't know who's on.

02:48:02.000 Actually, I know a couple other people.

02:48:03.000 I'm still waiting on a couple people. 0.97

02:48:05.000 This guy TBD, he's fucking hilarious.

02:48:07.000 You're gonna be on it? 0.96

02:48:09.000 You're going to be on it?

02:48:10.000 I'm going to be on it.

02:48:11.000 Randy Littke's going to be on it.

02:48:12.000 And it's a really hilarious comic named Al Jackson that was on a few of Ari Shafir's podcasts.

02:48:19.000 I just met him last night and it seems really funny.

02:48:22.000 If you want to listen to Ari Shafir's podcast, it's called The Skeptic Tank. 0.98

02:48:25.000 You can get that shit on iTunes. 0.98

02:48:27.000 Joey Diaz is the church of what's happening now. 0.99

02:48:30.000 You can get that on iTunes as well.

02:48:31.000 Tom Segura, our boy, and his wife, Christina Pazitzky, the very funny and beautiful Christina Pazitzky.

02:48:38.000 You can get them.

02:48:39.000 Their podcast is called Your Mom's House.

02:48:40.000 That is also available on iTunes. 1.00

02:48:43.000 All this shit is free. 0.99

02:48:44.000 And, of course, the Duncan Trussell Family Hour. 1.00

02:48:46.000 That is the Death Squad Universe, ladies and gentlemen.

02:48:48.000 And we'll see you guys soon.

02:48:49.000 We love you all.

02:48:50.000 We feel it.

02:48:51.000 We're moving in this thing together.

02:48:52.000 Somehow or another, we will make it all better or not.

02:48:56.000 Or it doesn't matter.

02:48:57.000 It goes on forever.

02:48:58.000 It repeats itself. 1.00

02:48:59.000 It's a fucking endless cycle. 1.00

02:49:00.000 See you on the next cycle, brother. 1.00

02:49:01.000 Yes!

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 26, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #270 - Kevin Pereira

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Transcript