The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #272 - Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, Ian Edwards

00:00:01.000 Yes, it's true that the new Joe Rogan Experience Studio will have a desk that has meow Written into it in metal. 0.99

00:00:10.000 Damn. 1.00

00:00:11.000 That's how we roll, bitches. 1.00

00:00:12.000 Damn. 1.00

00:00:13.000 We roll deep. 1.00

00:00:14.000 And we hire craftsmen. 0.99

00:00:16.000 I'm having shit constructed right now. 0.99

00:00:19.000 Made out of old, reused farm wood. 0.99

00:00:22.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by many, many things, ladies and gentlemen, because this shit all costs money. 0.97

00:00:30.000 And I'm trying to get... 0.98

00:00:32.000 Paid, yo.

00:00:33.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.97

00:00:35.000 One of the things we're brought by is a fucking badass new cell phone company called Ting. 0.96

00:00:41.000 And what Ting is, they use the Sprint network. 0.94

00:00:46.000 So it's not like they have three towers in the whole country. 0.99

00:00:48.000 No, they have a fucking major network. 0.98

00:00:49.000 They use a Sprint network. 1.00

00:00:51.000 And they make shit really simple. 0.99

00:00:54.000 They cut out all the BS that is normally involved in having a cell phone. 0.98

00:00:59.000 For instance, you don't have to have a contract.

00:01:01.000 You don't have to pay if you cancel. 0.96

00:01:04.000 There's weird shit that happens when you get a cell phone. 0.96

00:01:06.000 It's weird. 0.99

00:01:07.000 It's not like buying gas.

00:01:09.000 You can't say, well, you know, I don't want to use your gas anymore, so I'm not going to give you any more money.

00:01:12.000 No, you somehow or another got roped into some weird thing where you've got to continue to give them money.

00:01:17.000 And if you don't want to give them money anymore, you've got to give them extra money. 1.00

00:01:22.000 What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? 1.00

00:01:24.000 That's nonsense. 1.00

00:01:26.000 That should be illegal.

00:01:28.000 And what Ting does is they take it upon themselves to try to create a moral business.

00:01:33.000 A business that's fair.

00:01:35.000 A business that makes sense.

00:01:37.000 No contracts.

00:01:38.000 No bundling, ride-along services.

00:01:40.000 No overage charge.

00:01:42.000 If you use a certain amount of cell phone minutes per month and you don't use all of your minutes, they roll over into the next month.

00:01:49.000 The way it should be.

00:01:52.000 Rogan.ting.com.

00:01:54.000 That's where you want to go and you'll save 50 bucks off of any smartphone.

00:01:58.000 And they have some dope phones.

00:02:00.000 Especially the one that I got from them is the Samsung Galaxy S3. And it is fucking badass. 0.98

00:02:07.000 I love it. 0.93

00:02:08.000 Especially for looking at pictures and looking at websites.

00:02:11.000 It's enormous, man.

00:02:12.000 The screen is gorgeous.

00:02:14.000 Is it better than an iPhone?

00:02:15.000 It's not better.

00:02:16.000 It's different.

00:02:16.000 It's a bigger screen.

00:02:17.000 It's a bigger screen.

00:02:18.000 No, that part's better, for sure.

00:02:20.000 But I really am so used to the Apple operating system.

00:02:24.000 That it would be hard for me to say what's better and what's worse.

00:02:27.000 And by the way, I kept a Blackberry for a long time, dude.

00:02:30.000 I hung in there, dude.

00:02:32.000 I took body shots.

00:02:33.000 How do people cling to those?

00:02:34.000 I saw Mike Young last night using a Blackberry.

00:02:36.000 Of course he did.

00:02:37.000 He's probably reminding himself of the old jokes that he's got written on his Blackberry.

00:02:44.000 Sorry, Mike Young.

00:02:46.000 I hate to do that to you.

00:02:47.000 You and Mike Young.

00:02:47.000 You know I love him, sort of.

00:02:49.000 I do love him.

00:02:50.000 He's a great guy.

00:02:50.000 He's a great human being.

00:02:51.000 Yes, he is. 1.00

00:02:52.000 I give everybody shit about their act. 1.00

00:02:55.000 If you're telling the same jokes for ten years, someone should give you shit, and you should snap out of it. 1.00

00:02:59.000 I think that's for all of us. 0.99

00:03:01.000 Don't you think, Duncan?

00:03:02.000 Yes.

00:03:03.000 But other than that, Mike Young's an awesome dude.

00:03:05.000 He's very funny, too.

00:03:07.000 Very funny in person.

00:03:08.000 What are you doing with that noise?

00:03:10.000 Getting crazy?

00:03:11.000 I like what you're doing.

00:03:11.000 Tripping you out.

00:03:12.000 You are tripping me out.

00:03:13.000 I like that.

00:03:14.000 It's setting the stage.

00:03:15.000 So go to rogan.ting.com and find out more. 0.99

00:03:19.000 Find out the technical shit that I can't tell you. 0.90

00:03:22.000 And see all the different phones that are available. 0.96

00:03:24.000 Lots of different Android phones are available.

00:03:26.000 And even like regular phones. 0.99

00:03:28.000 If you're crazy, you're one of those nutty dudes. 1.00

00:03:31.000 Dana White's one of those nutty dudes. 1.00

00:03:32.000 He's got like flip phone.

00:03:34.000 He's got a little flip phone.

00:03:35.000 That's how they all had them in Japan, remember that?

00:03:37.000 No, dude.

00:03:37.000 In Japan, they all had high-tech flip phones.

00:03:39.000 Yeah, totally different though.

00:03:41.000 But still, if Ting, as you say, is creating a situation where you don't have to have a contract, And they have cheap phones.

00:03:48.000 They have great phones.

00:03:49.000 That's called Prank Central. 0.99

00:03:51.000 If that means I can just pop in there and get a phone for a month and then put that in my friend's trunk or in a briefcase so they think they found some government phone and then randomly call them, fuck yes. 1.00

00:04:02.000 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

00:04:03.000 Why would you think to use it like that, especially in the middle of a fucking commercial? 1.00

00:04:07.000 How dare you? 1.00

00:04:08.000 That helps sell ting phones. 1.00

00:04:09.000 Yeah, to cunts. 0.99

00:04:11.000 What's wrong with pranks? 0.99

00:04:13.000 I think the UFOs are landing now.

00:04:14.000 That's really freaking me out.

00:04:17.000 Anyway, back to the commercial. 1.00

00:04:19.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and check out all that shit. 0.99

00:04:23.000 We're also brought to you by Dasquad.tv. 0.99

00:04:25.000 What is Dasquad.tv?

00:04:26.000 Dasquad.tv is the website of Brian Redband. 0.96

00:04:29.000 He was the first one to put a website up that represents What Desquad is, is our little family of fuckheads. 0.93

00:04:37.000 That's us. 0.97

00:04:38.000 We're the Desquad.

00:04:39.000 Long story.

00:04:40.000 Anyway, if you go to Desquad.tv, you can buy a Desquad t-shirt.

00:04:46.000 And we see them at so many of these shows that we do. 0.99

00:04:50.000 And it's badass to see, you know, so many people wearing these silly fucking shirts. 0.99

00:04:55.000 Go to deskwad.tv and you can pick them up. 0.98

00:04:57.000 There's also stickers for sale and news of all upcoming tour dates.

00:05:01.000 A lot of guys are starting to do little mini road trips.

00:05:05.000 And I know Brian's got one coming up in Columbus, Ohio.

00:05:08.000 Brendan Walsh?

00:05:08.000 Yeah, with Brendan Walsh and Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:05:10.000 And a special guest that I can't tell you about who's pretty fucking badass. 0.58

00:05:14.000 I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow. 1.00

00:05:15.000 It's not you, bitch. 1.00

00:05:15.000 It's not all about you, okay? 1.00

00:05:17.000 It's not all about you.

00:05:18.000 You're mad because I'm late. 1.00

00:05:19.000 This motherfucker. 1.00

00:05:20.000 It's not all about him. 1.00

00:05:21.000 I'm in the middle of a commercial for Brian.

00:05:23.000 You're like, I'm going somewhere, too.

00:05:25.000 I'm going to Vancouver.

00:05:26.000 Sorry, I didn't realize I was like that.

00:05:29.000 We'll get to you, man.

00:05:29.000 Just calm down.

00:05:30.000 I didn't get the program.

00:05:31.000 Joe, you should be happy, though.

00:05:32.000 Somebody got another Death Squad tattoo.

00:05:34.000 This makes it, I think, the 15th one.

00:05:36.000 And check this out.

00:05:37.000 It's the new cat, the one that you like so much.

00:05:39.000 Oh, wow.

00:05:40.000 That's good.

00:05:41.000 That's a really good version.

00:05:42.000 That's Zach. 1.00

00:05:43.000 That is fucking creepy as shit, man. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Isn't it? 1.00

00:05:45.000 And I can't even tell what part of his body because it looks like it's very... 1.00

00:05:48.000 That's his dick. 1.00

00:05:49.000 It's clearly his dick. 1.00

00:05:50.000 Yeah, it's weird. 1.00

00:05:51.000 Yeah.

00:05:52.000 What is that?

00:05:52.000 A lot of hardcore pores going on there.

00:05:54.000 Yeah, you got a lot of pores, son.

00:05:56.000 That is nice.

00:05:57.000 You need to eat some vegetables.

00:05:59.000 I don't know what's happening there.

00:06:01.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:06:03.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. And Onnit.com is essentially a supplement company all for... 0.89

00:06:11.000 High-end athletic supplements and what we call nootropics. 0.93

00:06:14.000 And what nootropics are is far more complicated for a retard like myself to be describing. 0.98

00:06:19.000 It would really seem hypocritical if I had some alpha brain with my beer. 0.93

00:06:24.000 Does it not go with beer?

00:06:26.000 I don't think it does.

00:06:27.000 You're really freaking me out, kid.

00:06:29.000 No, I don't think it goes with beer, Brian.

00:06:31.000 Or Duncan, excuse me.

00:06:33.000 No, I don't think it's nutritional.

00:06:36.000 And alcohol is like the opposite of nutritional.

00:06:38.000 All right, dude. 1.00

00:06:41.000 Enough, silly bitch. 1.00

00:06:45.000 If you go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, you can check out all the different supplements that are available. 0.99

00:06:52.000 All of them are things that I have used extensively before we ever got involved in the company.

00:06:57.000 It's all stuff that I believe in. 0.99

00:06:58.000 Anything that I ever sell you on this podcast, Silly fucking show. 0.99

00:07:02.000 One thing I can guarantee you is if I say something, even if I'm incorrect, I believe it. 0.99

00:07:06.000 I'll never tell you anything I don't believe.

00:07:08.000 And if I find out that I'm wrong, I'll tell you that.

00:07:11.000 And if I use something and I tell you to use something, it's because it's a really solid product, period.

00:07:17.000 That goes all the way back to the fleshlight, ladies and gentlemen.

00:07:20.000 Very underrated product, the flashlight. 0.99

00:07:23.000 Brian, Brian, just because I encouraged you to play a little piano in the background doesn't mean you can have fucking aliens landing on my head. 1.00

00:07:31.000 You're freaking me out, man. 0.99

00:07:33.000 The newest things we have at Onnit are Hemp Force, which is this new delicious protein powder.

00:07:38.000 It's the best tasting protein powder in the world. 0.97

00:07:40.000 It's fucking fantastic. 0.98

00:07:42.000 It's made out of hemp. 0.99

00:07:43.000 Which is hard to get and illegal in this country, Duncan Trussell.

00:07:46.000 Illegal.

00:07:47.000 I know.

00:07:48.000 Even though it doesn't even get you high. 0.99

00:07:50.000 That's a good answer to the question that inevitably comes to these poor fucks that have to get drug tested at work. 1.00

00:07:55.000 No, we don't. 0.98

00:07:57.000 If you eat hemp protein powder, you will not test positive for THC. But, if you eat poppy seed bagels, you will test positive for heroin.

00:08:05.000 So you gotta be careful about that.

00:08:06.000 Which is really crazy, but it is true.

00:08:08.000 They tell you not to eat poppy seed bagels before you go in for a drug test.

00:08:11.000 Does that mean that you could take enough poppy seed bagels and extract heroin out of them?

00:08:16.000 I do not know.

00:08:17.000 I don't think so.

00:08:18.000 I think it's just a confusion in your system, because I think the urine tests that they use just register metabolites, and it's just the same metabolite, apparently.

00:08:28.000 I don't really understand it.

00:08:29.000 I don't think so, though.

00:08:30.000 I don't think you can get high from poppy seeds all day.

00:08:34.000 Can you imagine if that's why the appeal of bagels, that poppy seeds were just super mild heroin?

00:08:39.000 Yes.

00:08:40.000 You know, and you just eat it in the morning and just feel everything feels so good.

00:08:43.000 I hate how poppy seeds don't digest fully, so like when you're wiping, you have all these little seeds flying all over your hands.

00:08:49.000 Yeah, they're kind of tricky.

00:08:50.000 Well, people have been arrested for having those seeds on them when they go to like the Middle East and like really strict drug countries. 0.97

00:08:57.000 Because they're seeds of like set off alarms and those fucking... 0.94

00:09:00.000 Remember those things that they use for a little while that would push dust off of you? 0.98

00:09:04.000 They don't use those anymore, have you noticed?

00:09:06.000 Stop using those. 0.99

00:09:08.000 Because dudes were going to jail for fucking poppy seeds in other countries. 1.00

00:09:11.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:09:11.000 That's just my ex-opposition. 1.00

00:09:13.000 Anyway, hemp force will not make you test positive.

00:09:17.000 It's just the plant and it's not psychoactive at all.

00:09:21.000 Even though it's completely illegal, yet legal.

00:09:25.000 It's really weird.

00:09:26.000 It's totally legal to have.

00:09:27.000 It's totally legal to sell.

00:09:29.000 But you can't grow it here.

00:09:30.000 You have to grow it somewhere else. 1.00

00:09:31.000 It's really a fucking... 0.99

00:09:33.000 It's clear corruption, and it's clearly the pharmaceutical drug companies controlling agriculture and controlling our access to one of the greatest plants the world has ever known. 0.99

00:09:44.000 For whatever fucking goofy-ass reason, our government has let this go in place. 0.97

00:09:49.000 And even though they know that this hemp plant... 0.99

00:09:52.000 Even though it's related to marijuana, it has no psychoactive properties.

00:09:56.000 You cannot get high from it.

00:09:57.000 But it has an amazing source of protein, amazing source of amino acids.

00:10:01.000 You can make essential oil out of it.

00:10:03.000 You can make fuel out of it.

00:10:05.000 You can build houses with it.

00:10:07.000 It's really unbelievable that hemp is illegal.

00:10:10.000 But it is.

00:10:11.000 So we have to buy it from Canada.

00:10:12.000 But it's legal to have it once you get it. 0.98

00:10:14.000 Once you fucking let somebody else grow it. 0.99

00:10:17.000 It's so crazy. 1.00

00:10:19.000 It's just one more giant piece of evidence that we're fucked. 0.99

00:10:22.000 But if you go to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T, you can get yourself some Hemp Forest. 0.99

00:10:27.000 It's yummy.

00:10:28.000 It's got one gram of sugar per serving.

00:10:32.000 I think, yeah.

00:10:33.000 Whatever small amount it is.

00:10:35.000 And it's all stevia that it's sweetened with.

00:10:37.000 So it's sweetened with natural sweeteners. 0.99

00:10:39.000 And it's yummy as fuck. 0.98

00:10:40.000 And it's got maca, and it's also got raw cocoa in it. 0.99

00:10:43.000 So go to onnit.com. 1.00

00:10:44.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. All right, you fucking freaks. 1.00

00:10:47.000 Get some battle ropes in your system. 1.00

00:10:48.000 We got kettlebells, battle ropes. 1.00

00:10:51.000 Do a lot of manly shit, Duncan Trussell. 0.91

00:10:53.000 And if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements. 0.99

00:10:58.000 All right, freaks?

00:10:59.000 Duncan Trussell's here.

00:11:00.000 Let's get the party rolling.

00:11:04.000 Hello?

00:11:06.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:11:07.000 Check it out.

00:11:07.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:11:10.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. 0.99

00:11:17.000 A lot of times you know someone, you can know someone for a long time, and you go, wow, this is a fucking weird cat, man. 0.98

00:11:24.000 I never met anybody like him. 0.97

00:11:25.000 And you never get it.

00:11:27.000 You're like, this dude is not like anybody ever.

00:11:29.000 I wonder how this guy grew up.

00:11:30.000 And then you go to the town where they grew up, and you go, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

00:11:39.000 I just got a huge piece of the Duncan Trussell puzzle this weekend in Asheville, North Carolina.

00:11:47.000 Asheville is so awesome.

00:11:49.000 I don't want to tell people about Asheville because I'm scared they're gonna move there.

00:11:53.000 I know. 0.99

00:11:54.000 I'm scared they'll move there and fuck that place up. 1.00

00:11:56.000 It's crazy. 0.99

00:11:57.000 I mean, it's grown so fast already, man.

00:12:00.000 It's unbelievably beautiful. 0.99

00:12:02.000 The whole thing is so ridiculous. 0.67

00:12:05.000 You've got this incredibly gorgeous landscape all around you everywhere, these intense green mountains. 0.65

00:12:12.000 Yeah.

00:12:12.000 And then there's these super cool people in this town where you can walk around everywhere.

00:12:17.000 Yep.

00:12:18.000 And you're like, whoa.

00:12:19.000 I mean, it's like they took the best parts of Austin and moved it to the North Carolina mountains.

00:12:24.000 That's exactly right.

00:12:24.000 That's a perfect description.

00:12:25.000 It's like southern cool people.

00:12:28.000 But it's like freebasing Austin, if that's possible.

00:12:30.000 It's really condensed Austin.

00:12:32.000 Mainlining it.

00:12:32.000 Austin.

00:12:33.000 It's Austin in a needle, shoved right into your dick. 1.00

00:12:36.000 But dude, you didn't get to walk around, man. 1.00

00:12:37.000 I didn't have to.

00:12:38.000 There's all these new shops.

00:12:39.000 I went to, there's a tea room there, where like, there's just, it's like an opium den with blankets everywhere.

00:12:47.000 People with their shoes off, sitting like, reading poetry. 0.98

00:12:51.000 It's fucking cool. 0.98

00:12:52.000 It's so cool. 0.99

00:12:54.000 That place is so weird.

00:12:56.000 It's weird.

00:12:57.000 It was awesome.

00:12:58.000 The show was awesome.

00:13:00.000 Hanging out with the people there was awesome.

00:13:02.000 Thanks to my friend Sam for hooking me up, taking care of us out there.

00:13:06.000 The whole place was just so strange.

00:13:10.000 It's like what a crazy little town.

00:13:12.000 It's so small.

00:13:13.000 It's so small and cool.

00:13:16.000 I just loved everything about it.

00:13:19.000 It's like if Occupy Wall Street turned into a city.

00:13:23.000 No, it's not.

00:13:24.000 Because it's not as complain-y.

00:13:28.000 That's true.

00:13:28.000 But it is filled with subversive folks.

00:13:32.000 There's a lot of people there who are apparently in the environmental liberation front.

00:13:38.000 Oh, God.

00:13:39.000 Eco-terrorists, perhaps, are hanging out there. 0.57

00:13:42.000 Oh, my God.

00:13:43.000 You should probably not say that on the air, dude.

00:13:44.000 You're doing the government's work.

00:13:46.000 I think people, oh yeah, it'd be really hard to figure out there might be eco-terrorists there. 0.99

00:13:50.000 I saw a nun riding down the fucking street on some giant tricycle chasing a bus. 1.00

00:13:55.000 We discussed this on the phone. 1.00

00:13:56.000 That wasn't a nun. 1.00

00:13:57.000 That was a chick who was going to go fuck her boyfriend and he wanted her to come over dressed like a nun. 1.00

00:14:01.000 That's what that was. 1.00

00:14:02.000 That's a great girlfriend. 0.99

00:14:03.000 Yeah, that's a great girlfriend. 1.00

00:14:04.000 That's what that was.

00:14:05.000 Come to my house on a tricycle dressed as a nun. 1.00

00:14:07.000 I'm horny. 0.94

00:14:08.000 But there were a few churches there, so maybe it is, you know? 0.97

00:14:11.000 I think religion is...

00:14:13.000 I've never been to one place that has no religion.

00:14:15.000 Like, even in Boulder.

00:14:16.000 Boulder is a pretty liberal, intelligent, you know, sort of left-wingy kind of a place.

00:14:21.000 They have plenty of churches.

00:14:23.000 My friend just sent me this thing, I haven't listened to it yet, on this debate that they did as to whether or not the world would be a better place if religion did not exist.

00:14:32.000 And it's like a, like, these are professional debaters and intellectuals.

00:14:35.000 I can't remember what it's, it's like on NPR or something.

00:14:37.000 But the end result was they decided, yeah, the world's better without religion. 0.89

00:14:41.000 It would have been much better.

00:14:42.000 Yeah, they say that, but yes and no.

00:14:46.000 You know, it's like, I think religion serves as an operating system for a lot of people. 1.00

00:14:50.000 And if they didn't have religion, you'd have to explain shit to them. 0.99

00:14:54.000 And that could get so tiresome. 1.00

00:14:56.000 It would get so tiresome to sit around with some blundering moron, you know, pontificating on what it means to have a finite life in an infinite universe. 0.99

00:15:06.000 And what part of, you know, this part of this experience you really do play. 0.99

00:15:11.000 What part do you play?

00:15:13.000 And what is your consciousness all about?

00:15:15.000 And why are you so scared of it shutting off?

00:15:17.000 Those are scary, terrifying questions for the average person.

00:15:20.000 And, you know, maybe like...

00:15:23.000 Maybe some ditch digger dude doesn't need to know that.

00:15:26.000 Maybe there's some dudes who have some...

00:15:28.000 I believe there's people that have brains that work way better than mine.

00:15:32.000 I've seen it.

00:15:33.000 I've talked to people that I... It's not just a matter of education.

00:15:36.000 It's a matter of some people are gifted.

00:15:39.000 There's some people who have little tiny hands, and then there's people that are built like Shaquille O'Neal, and he could grab them and crush them, and it's not fair.

00:15:45.000 It doesn't make any sense, but it's just the way it is.

00:15:47.000 And I think that there's some people that are living in this life as humans, but yet they're not quite human.

00:15:54.000 They're like, just below human.

00:15:56.000 Like, you talk to them, and you're like, so what do you think happens when you die?

00:16:02.000 Well, man, for sure you go to heaven.

00:16:06.000 You get to be with Jesus.

00:16:08.000 I've believed this since I was a child.

00:16:10.000 You're talking to them, and there's a weird disconnect with a person.

00:16:13.000 They talk, and it's not even that they're not...

00:16:17.000 I've met some really intelligent Christians.

00:16:19.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:16:20.000 That's not what I'm saying. 1.00

00:16:21.000 What I'm saying is there's certain people that are just really dumb, and they really aren't capable of thinking about deep shit. 1.00

00:16:30.000 They're not capable of... 1.00

00:16:31.000 They're pondering the really insane question of what the fuck this life is. 1.00

00:16:36.000 They're not capable of it. 1.00

00:16:38.000 So religion, I've always felt, is like a nice scaffolding for people like that.

00:16:42.000 It lets them experience all the benefits of being a positive person and being a giving and loving person.

00:16:50.000 You know, we all experience those benefits.

00:16:52.000 You know, it's just they're teaching them to do it in the way that it's transcribing the wishes of some holy master who created you.

00:17:04.000 And I said it once. 0.98

00:17:05.000 I'm not fucking saying it again. 0.99

00:17:07.000 Write it down. 0.99

00:17:08.000 This is what you do. 0.99

00:17:09.000 Do it or else you go to hell. 1.00

00:17:11.000 It's almost like it's structured to make the idiots have a really simple moral path. 1.00

00:17:19.000 It gives you a nice little story to explain the really weird but real complexities of love and positive thinking and how it shapes lives and how your intention shapes lives and your imagination shapes your life and how This thing is malleable and it's not understood. 0.98

00:17:41.000 This life that we're living is simply not understood.

00:17:44.000 That's too fucking weird for some people. 0.93

00:17:47.000 They can't handle that. 0.98

00:17:48.000 That's not getting in there. 1.00

00:17:50.000 That's going to their ear and bouncing off like it hit a fucking trampoline. 1.00

00:17:54.000 So, for some people, religion allows them to... 1.00

00:18:01.000 Be on a good path.

00:18:03.000 It allows them to, you know, to do good and to experience the result of that, even though they're doing it, you know, because of some fictional character.

00:18:14.000 It's like they're still doing the same, they're doing the correct things.

00:18:17.000 It's like when religion gets nutty, when you get into like the Inquisition or stabbing cartoon makers because they drew your guy, when religion goes completely off the tracks like that, that's when it becomes a problem.

00:18:30.000 But I think that's not the majority of religious people.

00:18:34.000 I think the majority of religious people probably benefit from it in a sense of community, for sure.

00:18:40.000 Churches are a big part of neighborhoods and communities.

00:18:43.000 It's a big part of how people interact with each other.

00:18:46.000 And if you could find something that was a religion where it made sense to you, if it was a logical religion, It actually would probably be a good thing to be a part of, because what you're doing is you're committing your family, and you're committing all the families around you that are all in this sort of community together to take part in some sort of journey of spiritualism.

00:19:09.000 Can I play devil's advocate, literally?

00:19:11.000 Sure.

00:19:12.000 Against religion?

00:19:13.000 So, because I agree with you, but I think that the problem is that it creates... 0.99

00:19:20.000 Not only a structure where people can sort of rest and have an ethical system that they're not going to come up with on their own, but obviously the danger of all that is that Certain unscrupulous human beings have figured out that if they put on the right costume, they can convince dopes to give them cows, suck their dicks, take gold. 0.87

00:19:43.000 Because all they have to say is, priests and religious leaders become like God's agents, like CAA for God, where they're like, yeah, I'm taking the calls for God, I'll tell you what God wants. 0.99

00:19:57.000 Yeah, God wants you to blow me. 0.97

00:19:59.000 Conveniently, And I don't know why, because he's crazy. 1.00

00:20:02.000 But he wants you to suck my dick. 1.00

00:20:04.000 And he wants seven of your cows. 1.00

00:20:07.000 I don't even know why he likes cows.

00:20:09.000 And he would like 10% of everything you make for the rest of your life.

00:20:11.000 That's what he said.

00:20:12.000 I just don't kill the messenger.

00:20:13.000 That's what he said.

00:20:15.000 We're not going to put it on paper.

00:20:15.000 I just want you to continue to pay that.

00:20:17.000 Yeah.

00:20:18.000 That's not even on paper, right?

00:20:19.000 When you tithe, it's not like, you know, this is like written somewhere where you have to give 10% of your money, right?

00:20:25.000 Isn't that what people just do?

00:20:27.000 I don't know if there's a scriptural thing that says 10%.

00:20:30.000 I think it's something that just sort of seems like a logical number.

00:20:34.000 But you remember that?

00:20:36.000 It was a couple of years ago in India, in a temple.

00:20:40.000 They opened up the vaults in the temple.

00:20:43.000 They hadn't opened it up, or they found some vaults, and it was just filled with gold. 1.00

00:20:47.000 Just filled with fucking gold. 0.99

00:20:49.000 And everyone around the temple was in awe for all this money, but when you really think about what that gold came from... 0.99

00:20:56.000 It came from hypnotized people who believed that these priests were in some way representing God, and then the gold didn't even go anywhere. 0.99

00:21:04.000 It moldered in the basement of a fucking temple. 1.00

00:21:07.000 So when you see that there's that level of exploitation that happens, and you retweeted that amazing YouTube video of the guy whose job it is to suck the freshly circumcised kid's cock. 1.00

00:21:22.000 And he's explaining why, according to religion? 0.99

00:21:26.000 That's the guy in my act.

00:21:27.000 People think that that's fake.

00:21:28.000 That really is real.

00:21:30.000 I couldn't believe it, dude.

00:21:31.000 I did think you were exaggerating.

00:21:32.000 I couldn't believe that that's an actual...

00:21:35.000 Yeah, well, it's not only that.

00:21:37.000 He was justifying it.

00:21:38.000 He was justifying it by quoting the pages.

00:21:40.000 It says in...

00:21:41.000 Page 64, chapter 7. He's going through all his nonsense with his fucking wizard outfit on and his goofy-ass beard, and he's explaining where it says it's okay to suck the baby's dick. 1.00

00:21:52.000 He's so completely lost his objectivity that he is actually trying to explain why this is necessary. 1.00

00:22:02.000 I think there's a distinction to make between that dick, that baby dick. 1.00

00:22:06.000 It's not just a baby's dick. 1.00

00:22:08.000 It's a bleeding baby's dick. 1.00

00:22:10.000 A screaming baby's dick. 1.00

00:22:12.000 And, you know, like I say in the bit about it that I do in my act, like, how the fuck do we know that that kid can't remember that? 1.00

00:22:19.000 We're just assuming just because he can't talk and he, you know, that he doesn't have a way to express how much it sucks that you cut his dick and start sucking on it. 1.00

00:22:27.000 But for sure, you don't know whether or not that baby can remember that. 1.00

00:22:31.000 That seems like a really traumatic moment.

00:22:33.000 And I remember some intensely traumatic moments from when I was young. 0.98

00:22:37.000 So I would think that would be something that would fucking haunt the back of your brain for the rest of your life. 1.00

00:22:41.000 Some old creepy asshole speaking in a dead language and sucking your dick while he's wearing a wizard costume. 1.00

00:22:47.000 Your bloody dick. 1.00

00:22:48.000 Your dick that he just mutilated. 1.00

00:22:50.000 Freshly slashed dick. 1.00

00:22:51.000 While your parents don't even save you. 1.00

00:22:53.000 Your parents let this stupid nonsense. 1.00

00:22:54.000 They're paying him. 1.00

00:22:55.000 Yeah, they're paying to get this dummy to fucking cut your bloody dick and then suck it. 1.00

00:23:01.000 I just had my mom on my podcast. 1.00

00:23:03.000 And I was like, how did it go? 1.00

00:23:05.000 When I came out of your pussy, did they circumcise me right then? 1.00

00:23:08.000 Did they cut it off then? 1.00

00:23:10.000 And she's like, yeah.

00:23:11.000 She said it was sometime around there.

00:23:12.000 She's like, but you didn't like it.

00:23:14.000 You cried.

00:23:15.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:23:16.000 It's like, no shit, I cried. 1.00

00:23:17.000 You snipped off the tip of my cock. 1.00

00:23:19.000 It's so crazy. 1.00

00:23:21.000 Everybody's mutilated.

00:23:22.000 The majority of Americans are mutilated. 0.53

00:23:25.000 And it's a weird thing with people where they don't want to admit that this is like...

00:23:30.000 It's really kind of a...

00:23:31.000 People are like, you're so exaggerating, Rogan. 0.99

00:23:34.000 Fucking relax. 0.99

00:23:35.000 Mutilating. 0.99

00:23:36.000 That's really what it is. 1.00

00:23:37.000 That skin is there to protect the tip of your dick. 1.00

00:23:40.000 Don't you think uncircumcised cocks in porn look weird? 1.00

00:23:43.000 No, I don't, Duncan. 1.00

00:23:44.000 The skin is supposed to protect the tip of your dick, and your dick is supposed to be like glisten-y, like mucous-y. 1.00

00:23:50.000 It's supposed to be like super sensitive. 1.00

00:23:52.000 But instead, they hack that shit off and the tip of your dick dries out. 1.00

00:23:56.000 Like, it's not supposed to be dry like that. 1.00

00:23:58.000 It's supposed to be moist, like inside a woman's vagina. 1.00

00:24:01.000 That's what your dick's supposed to be like. 1.00

00:24:02.000 And it's supposed to feel better that way because of that. 1.00

00:24:05.000 Because it's like moist and like slippery.

00:24:07.000 And then there's this nonsense that people are pushing, and it's all been disproven by science, about AIDS. People are saying that it's like to protect people from AIDS. Like, that is one of the craziest ideas I have ever fucking heard, is that somehow or another extra foreskin dick skin is gonna protect you if you fuck a guy who's got AIDS. Like, that is one of the craziest ideas I've ever heard.

00:24:30.000 Like, you're gonna fuck that guy, man? 1.00

00:24:32.000 He's got AIDS. Like, dude, I'm circumcised. 1.00

00:24:34.000 Oh, well go fuck away. 1.00

00:24:36.000 Go hit it, buddy. 1.00

00:24:38.000 This is not protecting you from AIDS. There's no fucking way that protects you from AIDS. That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:24:45.000 But we want to justify doing it. 0.83

00:24:47.000 We want to justify that it was done to us, and we're in denial about it. 0.99

00:24:51.000 You're hacking off a piece of a little kid's dick, and there's no science for it whatsoever. 0.99

00:24:56.000 It's craziness, and the majority of people do it. 1.00

00:25:00.000 How many pounds Of baby foreskin meat gets generated a year.

00:25:06.000 Enough to feed, like, a couple dogs for life, right?

00:25:11.000 A couple bears.

00:25:12.000 Yeah, you think about all the babies being born and just chop, chop, chop, screaming. 1.00

00:25:17.000 If you could put together all the babies being born, coming out of the pussies all at once, and getting their dicks circumcised all together in one screaming mass. 1.00

00:25:27.000 It'd be a dubstep music video. 1.00

00:25:29.000 It's ridiculous. 0.98

00:25:41.000 I think you are underestimating the amount of foreskin meat that gets generated by this planet. 0.98

00:25:47.000 Did you hear about that guy who fell into his hog pen?

00:25:50.000 The hogs ate him.

00:25:51.000 The hogs ate him?

00:25:52.000 Yep. 1.00

00:25:53.000 Pigs are a motherfucker, man. 1.00

00:25:55.000 Pigs are a motherfucker. 1.00

00:25:56.000 They're so scary. 1.00

00:25:57.000 Big, fat, stupid animals that will eat you if you fall in their pen. 1.00

00:26:01.000 They're like 700 pounds. 1.00

00:26:03.000 They just started chewing on it.

00:26:05.000 I bet it was a quick death, though. 1.00

00:26:07.000 Well, they fucked him up, man. 1.00

00:26:10.000 They ate most of him before the people even found him. 0.99

00:26:13.000 The guy went missing for a few hours, and by the time they got there, he was disemboweled. 0.99

00:26:17.000 They had just eaten the shit out of him. 0.96

00:26:18.000 Yeah, they couldn't even find him. 0.98

00:26:20.000 Yeah, most of it was missing. 0.99

00:26:22.000 It's really scary what a pig could do to you. 0.98

00:26:24.000 It's like the Tibetan sky ritual, but with pigs. 0.99

00:26:26.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:26:27.000 Well, pigs are even better than that. 0.80

00:26:28.000 You don't even have to mash up the bones. 0.63

00:26:30.000 They'll do it for you.

00:26:30.000 That's an enormous problem.

00:26:31.000 They'll take care of everything.

00:26:33.000 The pigs are responsible for more deaths per year than any other livestock.

00:26:39.000 That's crazy when you think about bulls.

00:26:41.000 But no, pigs are responsible for more deaths. 0.90

00:26:43.000 I had no idea. 1.00

00:26:44.000 Pigs are fucking... 1.00

00:26:45.000 Wild pig, especially. 1.00

00:26:47.000 Wild pigs are really creepy.

00:26:49.000 That just doesn't go through my list of ways I might die.

00:26:52.000 Dude, you've never seen the pig show, Pig Man?

00:26:55.000 No.

00:26:56.000 The guy who goes pig hunting?

00:26:57.000 Dude, it is one of the craziest shows that I've ever seen on television, okay?

00:27:01.000 It's a guy named Pig Man.

00:27:02.000 He lives in South Texas. 0.97

00:27:04.000 The wild pig problem in South Texas is like roaches in Manhattan.

00:27:10.000 I mean, it is bananas. 1.00

00:27:12.000 You can't fucking believe how many pigs there are. 0.99

00:27:15.000 And they're huge. 1.00

00:27:16.000 And they're wild pigs. 0.96

00:27:18.000 What happens with pigs is a pig, when they leave, it's really weird.

00:27:22.000 When they leave captivity, within three weeks, their body changes.

00:27:28.000 Their snout starts to grow longer.

00:27:30.000 Their hair gets thicker and bushier.

00:27:32.000 Their fangs, their tusks grow longer.

00:27:34.000 It's really weird.

00:27:35.000 Like they physically morph and it starts in just three weeks.

00:27:38.000 As soon as they have to fend for themselves.

00:27:40.000 As soon as the food's not continually delivered to them.

00:27:43.000 So you keep them in like this fetus form when you continually deliver food to them. 0.99

00:27:47.000 When you see pigs, you see them, they're fat and they're lazy and they're just laying around and we just stuff them and overstuff them and then eventually slaughter them.

00:27:57.000 They do not even remotely resemble wild pigs. 1.00

00:28:01.000 Wild pigs are motherfuckers, dude, and they will attack you. 1.00

00:28:04.000 In this one show, this guy shot a wild pig with two arrows, and it didn't kill it, and the thing charged them from the bushes, and he's unloading a pistol into it, as the thing rushes him, a death run. 1.00

00:28:18.000 It's with tusks.

00:28:20.000 And they're hundreds of pounds.

00:28:22.000 Three, four, five hundred pounds.

00:28:23.000 Wild pigs.

00:28:24.000 And they're everywhere.

00:28:25.000 There are millions of them in Texas.

00:28:27.000 So this guy Pig Man and Ted Nugent get a helicopter. 0.97

00:28:30.000 And they're flying around in a helicopter shooting these pigs out of the sky. 0.99

00:28:36.000 Shooting them from the sky. 0.99

00:28:38.000 It's insane. 1.00

00:28:39.000 They kill 200 pigs in a one hour show.

00:28:42.000 It's amazing the different lives people are having on this planet.

00:28:47.000 Yes, it is. 1.00

00:28:48.000 This guy is just fucking up pigs all day. 1.00

00:28:51.000 What do you call? 1.00

00:28:52.000 Shank him. 0.97

00:28:53.000 I'm here to shank him. 1.00

00:28:56.000 He's a shanking swine. 1.00

00:28:58.000 And he's just like this heavy-duty southern good old boy from South Texas. 1.00

00:29:05.000 It's a funny fucking show, man. 0.98

00:29:08.000 You know when you play video games and when you're going to bed, if you play video games too much, you kind of see them on the back of your eyes? 0.99

00:29:13.000 Have you ever done that?

00:29:14.000 Yes. 0.78

00:29:15.000 This guy, when he goes to bed, he just sees pigs from a helicopter's POV shooting and shooting pigs. 0.99

00:29:22.000 Dude, they shoot them with assault rifles. 0.98

00:29:24.000 I mean, it's crazy.

00:29:26.000 They're swooping around this helicopter. 0.98

00:29:29.000 Are they herds of pigs?

00:29:30.000 Do they herd up?

00:29:31.000 So why not grenades?

00:29:34.000 Because they're actually going to use the meat.

00:29:36.000 Oh, I see.

00:29:37.000 They give the meat to foreign.

00:29:39.000 They give the meat to poor people.

00:29:42.000 They send the meat to Iran.

00:29:44.000 They send the meat to Afghanistan.

00:29:45.000 That's where all the boys back home want some wild swine. 1.00

00:29:49.000 Nothing they love more than wild pork!

00:29:51.000 Yeah, that's how we really get at them. 0.97

00:29:52.000 We import pigs, because to Muslims, they're not supposed to eat pork at all. 1.00

00:29:57.000 If we imported these 500 pound murdered fucking hogs, murdered from the sky, death from above, they do it to like Apocalypse Now. 1.00

00:30:06.000 And it's called the Porkalypse, Porkalypse Now. 1.00

00:30:09.000 It is a fucking insane show. 1.00

00:30:12.000 So there are no pigs in Iran? 1.00

00:30:15.000 That's a good question. 0.88

00:30:16.000 I don't know.

00:30:16.000 I do not know.

00:30:17.000 I know they're not supposed to eat them if it's a Muslim country, right? 1.00

00:30:22.000 I mean, you would offend a lot of people if you were eating them. 1.00

00:30:25.000 Yeah, because they eat their own shit. 1.00

00:30:27.000 Is that what it is? 1.00

00:30:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:28.000 So do gorillas. 0.93

00:30:29.000 Don't eat gorillas.

00:30:31.000 Bush meat. 0.84

00:30:33.000 That's the AIDS meat. 0.90

00:30:36.000 That's where it all starts.

00:30:37.000 That's where patient zero starts. 0.54

00:30:39.000 That's so gross. 0.80

00:30:40.000 You ate bad gorilla one night and then you get AIDS? There's some people eating things in Africa right now. 1.00

00:30:45.000 What do you think the AIDS gorilla tasted like?

00:30:48.000 Not good. 0.92

00:30:49.000 But it tasted like old feet, just like stinky gym feet.

00:30:54.000 But they were hungry. 0.93

00:30:56.000 It tastes like a cadaver.

00:30:57.000 Ugh! 0.97

00:30:59.000 Yeah, it's got to be very human-like. 0.86

00:31:01.000 How dirty was that gorilla? 0.81

00:31:02.000 Even more gamey than humans, though. 0.93

00:31:04.000 What did that gorilla do to get AIDS? Somebody probably fucked it. 1.00

00:31:09.000 It's probably when you introduced human... 1.00

00:31:11.000 We're going to find out that all this shit boils down to somebody had a fucking animal somewhere. 1.00

00:31:16.000 All of it. 1.00

00:31:17.000 Where does swine flu come from? 0.83

00:31:18.000 Well, funny thing about pigs. 1.00

00:31:20.000 They'll just let you fuck them. 1.00

00:31:23.000 People started getting swine flu, chicken flu, chicken virus. 1.00

00:31:27.000 You know, that's the thing about flus.

00:31:29.000 A lot of people don't know.

00:31:30.000 A lot of them, bird flus.

00:31:32.000 These flus, a lot of them, they come from farms.

00:31:35.000 They come from these crazy places where you stuff a million animals on three acres, and it smells like death, and that's where diseases come from.

00:31:45.000 It's really weird. 0.99

00:31:47.000 Farms are fucking creepy, man. 0.99

00:31:49.000 Like cattle farms where they butcher cows. 1.00

00:31:52.000 We went and did a fear factor on one of them.

00:31:55.000 I've got to tell you about this other guy on fear factor, too.

00:31:57.000 It goes with what we were talking about earlier about religion.

00:31:59.000 Remind me.

00:32:01.000 But we went to this thing.

00:32:02.000 We had to do this Slaughterhouse episode. 0.99

00:32:04.000 It was a fucked up show, man. 0.98

00:32:06.000 Where we gave these people... 1.00

00:32:08.000 It was like a bathtub of blood.

00:32:10.000 And they had to dunk their head in and pull out these rings.

00:32:14.000 They had to grab them with their face and pull out these rings.

00:32:16.000 And they were just covered in blood.

00:32:20.000 And one guy couldn't do it.

00:32:22.000 It was cold water.

00:32:23.000 The blood, rather, was really cold.

00:32:25.000 It had to be 38 degrees because otherwise it can go bad and then people get sick.

00:32:31.000 So we had to change the blood for every person, I think.

00:32:34.000 That was polite.

00:32:35.000 Yeah.

00:32:35.000 Well, I think we had to do it for health reasons.

00:32:38.000 I forget.

00:32:39.000 But I remember it being super, super cold.

00:32:41.000 So anyway, this guy starts going nuts and smashing the blood like the Hulk and screaming.

00:32:47.000 And this guy had been in the parking lot before the show.

00:32:50.000 He had been talking in his side view mirror, looking at a side view mirror, going, you are a winner.

00:32:54.000 You will succeed.

00:32:56.000 You are going to press ahead.

00:32:57.000 Nothing will stop you.

00:32:59.000 You cannot quit. 1.00

00:33:00.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:33:00.000 So this guy had some, like, serious, like, hang-ups in his mind with failure when it comes to... 1.00

00:33:06.000 But I don't understand.

00:33:07.000 You say he's smashing the blood?

00:33:08.000 What do you mean?

00:33:09.000 Well, like, the Hulk.

00:33:10.000 Like, here's a big bathtub full of blood, and he's going like this.

00:33:16.000 It's splattering all over everybody and him, and he's soaked in blood screaming.

00:33:20.000 And he was a big guy.

00:33:22.000 He was a big dude.

00:33:23.000 He was like a football player.

00:33:24.000 And I'm looking at this guy. 0.99

00:33:25.000 I'm like, if this guy wants to kick my ass, this might be a real problem. 1.00

00:33:28.000 This is a big dude. 1.00

00:33:30.000 This guy would like, you know, he's like a fucking physically strong guy. 1.00

00:33:34.000 If he wants to kick your ass, at the very least, someone's getting hurt. 0.99

00:33:37.000 There's going to be some chaos. 1.00

00:33:39.000 And I'm looking around at these fucking cameramen. 1.00

00:33:41.000 They're all skinny guys, smoking cigarettes. 1.00

00:33:44.000 Most of them are completely out of shape.

00:33:45.000 A lot of them are older guys with back problems.

00:33:47.000 I'm like, no one's going to save me.

00:33:48.000 Who's going to save me if this guy goes bananas? 1.00

00:33:50.000 That is fucking... 0.99

00:33:52.000 Yeah, this dude right here, apparently he was a really nice guy and he felt real bad about his performance on the show and he just said that he was having some issues and he had had it with other sports in the past. 0.99

00:34:05.000 Yeah, it was insane.

00:34:06.000 It was insane.

00:34:07.000 By the way, I don't even remember this.

00:34:09.000 I'm watching this and I don't even remember it.

00:34:11.000 I barely remember it.

00:34:13.000 Dante's Inferno, man.

00:34:15.000 That's demonic. 1.00

00:34:16.000 We did 148 of these fucking things. 1.00

00:34:19.000 Can you believe that? 1.00

00:34:24.000 Nice shirt. 0.99

00:34:25.000 What a ridiculous job I had. 0.99

00:34:27.000 I'm screaming at these people, telling them they can do it. 0.99

00:34:31.000 This guy right here.

00:34:33.000 I saw you outside.

00:34:34.000 You were talking to yourself in the side of your mirror.

00:34:35.000 What are you doing?

00:34:36.000 Psyching yourself up?

00:34:37.000 It's a story that goes back to my football coach, and he said, little eyes upon you, you know, little kids watching you all the time, and the man in the glass.

00:34:44.000 You go home, you look yourself in the mirror when you're done, and you say, good job.

00:34:48.000 That's what I want to do.

00:34:49.000 You go home and you can't look at yourself?

00:34:51.000 I don't want that, man. 0.99

00:34:52.000 All right, well, you're gonna be looking at yourself in the mirror with a big fat face full of blood.

00:34:56.000 What's gonna happen now?

00:34:57.000 Are you gonna send Joseph home?

00:34:58.000 I'm gonna do my best, buddy.

00:34:59.000 I can't put my head in there and then go home and have people say, man, you did that for nothing.

00:35:06.000 All right, Joshua, you ready?

00:35:08.000 Ready!

00:35:08.000 You beat 19, Joseph goes home, and you move on.

00:35:12.000 In three, two, one, go! 0.95

00:35:16.000 Come on, man!

00:35:17.000 Don't you wait!

00:35:19.000 So he quit, like, right away.

00:35:21.000 And see how he's screaming?

00:35:23.000 And punching the blood?

00:35:25.000 It's so terrible!

00:35:27.000 It's so nasty, look at that.

00:35:31.000 And he couldn't do it.

00:35:34.000 He's screaming at the blood right now.

00:35:37.000 And he keeps shaking his face.

00:35:43.000 See everybody else just went in there.

00:35:46.000 He can't breathe.

00:35:49.000 He can't breathe.

00:35:50.000 That's terrible.

00:35:51.000 Joshua, come on.

00:35:52.000 You can still do it.

00:35:53.000 Woo! 0.99

00:35:54.000 Don't quit.

00:35:55.000 Don't quit.

00:35:56.000 Don't you quit.

00:35:58.000 Get in there.

00:36:00.000 Now here's where he starts freaking out.

00:36:01.000 He's smashing the blood.

00:36:06.000 Good instincts, Rogan!

00:36:08.000 You really jumped back!

00:36:09.000 Yeah, I saw that blood coming. 0.99

00:36:13.000 This is so ridiculous! 0.99

00:36:19.000 Is that Jay Moore? 0.99

00:36:20.000 No, I don't think so.

00:36:22.000 It's about to transform.

00:36:28.000 This is like an episode of The Incredible Hall.

00:36:30.000 Episode of The Incredible Hall.

00:36:33.000 You know, I noticed how much different my voice sounds before.

00:36:36.000 I got my nose fixed.

00:36:38.000 I had a nasally sort of thing going on.

00:36:40.000 I had no nose for most of my life.

00:36:43.000 When I got a deviated septum operation, it completely changed my life, man.

00:36:47.000 I can't believe I went so long. 0.99

00:36:48.000 I have friends that have, like, fucked up noses. 0.98

00:36:50.000 I'm like, dude, please get your nose fixed. 0.98

00:36:51.000 Just please listen to me.

00:36:53.000 Get your nose fixed.

00:36:54.000 Your whole life, you could be like, you know, talking like this.

00:36:56.000 You don't even realize it. 0.99

00:36:57.000 You know, your whole life, you get this fucking... 0.99

00:37:00.000 That's blocking up air. 1.00

00:37:02.000 Did you hear about that millionaire that did so much cocaine that his fucking nose exploded? 0.99

00:37:08.000 No, it collapsed. 1.00

00:37:09.000 Here's his nose.

00:37:11.000 He looks like Boss Hognac. 0.99

00:37:13.000 Oh, god damn this. 0.99

00:37:15.000 Just go down. 1.00

00:37:17.000 Jesus Christ, look at that fucking nose. 1.00

00:37:22.000 Alright, whatever. 1.00

00:37:23.000 You're using windows, aren't you?

00:37:24.000 Yeah.

00:37:25.000 We gotta stop with windows. 0.76

00:37:27.000 Enough.

00:37:27.000 I did know somebody that did so much cocaine that his nose in between the nostrils made a hole in between the two nostrils.

00:37:35.000 You gotta do a lot of cocaine. 0.99

00:37:37.000 That's like a goddamn commitment. 0.99

00:37:39.000 Do you think it collapsed all at once? 0.99

00:37:40.000 Like one night he woke up and it was like that?

00:37:42.000 Or it collapsed over time? 1.00

00:37:44.000 That guy's an ugly fuck and he doesn't give a shit anyway. 1.00

00:37:46.000 He's just trying to get my dick sucked and get my coke. 1.00

00:37:49.000 He's one of those, I gotta get my coke. 1.00

00:37:52.000 Look at him.

00:37:54.000 The other dude that I wanted to talk about, that one fear factor, won a million dollars and he was going to tithe it.

00:38:00.000 He was going to give them 10% to his church.

00:38:04.000 And the dude started talking in tongues.

00:38:10.000 He was talking in tongues.

00:38:11.000 Like he was like...

00:38:13.000 Glossalia.

00:38:16.000 Yeah.

00:38:16.000 Glossalalia.

00:38:17.000 Glossalalia.

00:38:18.000 Yeah.

00:38:21.000 They start talking in like...

00:38:25.000 See if you can put that up.

00:38:26.000 Pull that up, man.

00:38:27.000 Fear Factor guy speaks in tongues.

00:38:29.000 It was so bizarre. 1.00

00:38:31.000 That shit's weird. 1.00

00:38:31.000 But he won. 1.00

00:38:32.000 He won.

00:38:32.000 He won a million bucks.

00:38:33.000 So maybe the dude just believed in himself so much because of all this that, you know, he forced the victory.

00:38:41.000 Well, you know where that speaking of tongues comes from, right?

00:38:43.000 No.

00:38:44.000 After Jesus, our Lord, died, his disciples were all gathered together and some, like, hiding out.

00:38:53.000 And like I think he appeared to them or the doors opened and a wind blew through and suddenly they were able to speak in every language and they all started speaking in all the languages of the world.

00:39:03.000 That's the myth.

00:39:04.000 So Pentecostal churches, they will... 0.92

00:39:11.000 state you know i know you've seen it and they handle rattlesnakes too because that was the other thing he gave them power to take up serpents so they so they have these rituals they handle rattlesnakes so what do they do they get bit a little bit they do they know some of them they get bitten and they die dude look up pentecostal snake handling you've never seen that rogan you've never seen snake handlers I've seen snake handlers on television.

00:39:35.000 They dance around with the snakes up in the mountains.

00:39:38.000 There's a guy whose father died, he was a snake handler, and then he just died really recently, who was one of those snake handler guys. 0.99

00:39:45.000 Ugh, man, that is just the fucking worst, man. 0.99

00:39:48.000 That is just the worst. 0.99

00:39:50.000 That's so creepy.

00:39:51.000 It's such the opposite of what...

00:39:55.000 It's so weird that Christianity managed to mutate into malnourished country people talking in fake languages and holding snakes on a Sunday. 1.00

00:40:08.000 That's fucking weird, man. 0.99

00:40:10.000 Yeah, it's very weird. 1.00

00:40:11.000 It's so strange how religion can mutate.

00:40:13.000 Because if you look at that versus Catholicism, it's two completely different things.

00:40:18.000 Yeah, this is just from May.

00:40:21.000 A serpent-handling pastor dies from rattlesnake bite just like his father.

00:40:26.000 Yeah.

00:40:28.000 Yeah.

00:40:29.000 He's in West Virginia.

00:40:30.000 Holla! 1.00

00:40:31.000 His faith wasn't strong.

00:40:32.000 Is that what they think?

00:40:33.000 Did they think that their faith failed and that's why the snake bit him?

00:40:37.000 We did some traveling through West Virginia and got to just see some really bizarre places.

00:40:46.000 One of them was a bar that was a house.

00:40:50.000 It was a house, and then the downstairs was a bar.

00:40:53.000 I mean, it was just, they had like a plastic sign that said bar. 1.00

00:40:58.000 And I mean, it was a fucking house. 0.99

00:40:59.000 It was like, somehow or another, they had converted their house into a bar. 1.00

00:41:03.000 It was so bizarre.

00:41:04.000 And then right next door was always a church, and then there was always a strip club. 0.94

00:41:08.000 It was strip club, church, bar.

00:41:11.000 Strip club, church, bar.

00:41:12.000 That's all you had. 1.00

00:41:13.000 Weird shit goes on in those hollers, Joe. 0.99

00:41:15.000 In a city next to where my mom lives, This guy fucking hacked up his dad to bits and threw his limbs on the Blue Ridge Parkway, which is just up in the woods. 1.00

00:41:31.000 He threw his head into the forest and then his arms somewhere and then his arms somewhere. 0.99

00:41:36.000 I bet he wasn't a good dad.

00:41:38.000 That was...

00:41:39.000 I don't know.

00:41:40.000 I asked my mom.

00:41:41.000 I was like, yeah, the dad's probably...

00:41:42.000 I realized I had the exact same thing where I blamed the dad.

00:41:45.000 But she's like, no, it wasn't that. 1.00

00:41:46.000 The kid was just fucking crazy. 1.00

00:41:49.000 Really? 1.00

00:41:50.000 Yeah.

00:41:50.000 I mean, regardless of how bad a dad you are, I don't know if...

00:41:54.000 You deserve to have your limbs chopped off. 1.00

00:41:57.000 Maybe. 1.00

00:41:58.000 Well, there are exceptions. 1.00

00:41:59.000 If you fuck the kid relentlessly for 20 years, you deserve to get chopped off. 1.00

00:42:02.000 20 years straight, you just managed to crawl away to the axe. 1.00

00:42:05.000 You've been trying to get to the axe for 20 years of straight fucking. 0.99

00:42:08.000 You just never lost your heart on it. 0.99

00:42:11.000 Finally. 0.99

00:42:11.000 He developed all his strength just from resisting ass rape. 0.99

00:42:14.000 Oh man, but that fucking goddamn idea that people just will from time to time dismember each other. 0.99

00:42:21.000 It's really strange that they're, you know, in the same way that What's-His-Name flies around blasting pigs, you also know that at this very moment, multiple limbs are being hacked off in a variety of basements and back rooms and forests. 1.00

00:42:34.000 Like, definitely more than like 50 people at this very moment are probably getting their arms chopped off.

00:42:39.000 Well, how about this?

00:42:40.000 How about thinking about all the people in different parts of the world that have to walk around on the ground knowing that they're killing machines flying over their sky every day. 0.98

00:42:49.000 At any point in time, you could be the wrong place at the wrong time and a hellfire missile comes out of one of these fucking flying killer robots and annihilates a house that you're standing next to. 0.98

00:43:02.000 Predator drones. 1.00

00:43:04.000 That shit's intense. 1.00

00:43:05.000 And when you think about the fucking future, we've talked about this, but I don't think we've talked about this on the podcast, which is that when you see those goddamn quadricopters that can fly in perfect formations, and then you see those dogs that they've... 1.00

00:43:18.000 What's that dog called? 0.99

00:43:19.000 Yeah, the robot dog.

00:43:21.000 Because people don't understand that if they can make that thing that size, they can make it bigger.

00:43:26.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:43:26.000 They can make that thing real fucking big so that you've got truck-sized robot dogs lumbering into your village, opening up slats that quadrocopters fly out of, blast everyone in the village, you know, cremate them or whatever, suck them into the dog and walk away. 0.97

00:43:44.000 That could be the future of warfare. 0.98

00:43:45.000 It's like a Trojan horse.

00:43:47.000 A Trojan horse filled with quadricopters. 0.98

00:43:49.000 Yeah, that's completely possible.

00:43:51.000 And not even remotely outside the realm of possibility.

00:43:54.000 Because where do you think that they're learning how to build these robots?

00:43:58.000 It's DARPA. DARPA is creating that robot dog.

00:44:03.000 What does DARPA stand for?

00:44:04.000 That's a good question. 0.99

00:44:06.000 DARPA gives me the fucking creeps. 0.99

00:44:08.000 Every time I see any DARPA-related thing, it's always spooky. 0.99

00:44:12.000 Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency.

00:44:16.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:44:17.000 God.

00:44:17.000 What is Scary Cunts?

00:44:19.000 Scary Cunts? 0.98

00:44:20.000 They should rename that to Scary Cunts. 1.00

00:44:23.000 You're crazy. 1.00

00:44:24.000 They're just finding new ways to fuck people up. 1.00

00:44:27.000 That's what they do. 0.98

00:44:29.000 It's funny how we always like to call it defense.

00:44:32.000 How much money are we going to spend on defense?

00:44:34.000 See, Seems pretty offensive.

00:44:36.000 Yeah, our offense budget.

00:44:37.000 Yeah, it's our offense budget, really. 1.00

00:44:40.000 Shit like robot dogs. 1.00

00:44:42.000 Come on, son. 1.00

00:44:42.000 Those things are fucking terrifying. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Robot dogs you can't kick over. 0.99

00:44:46.000 They get back up.

00:44:47.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 Brian, pull up one of those DARPA robot dogs.

00:44:50.000 There's actually a new version that just came out.

00:44:52.000 Yeah, I'm looking at it right now on the DARPA website.

00:44:54.000 It is horrific, man.

00:44:55.000 And the sound it makes.

00:44:56.000 That kind of hell squeal that it makes.

00:44:58.000 Gee, gee, gee, gee, gee.

00:45:00.000 Dude, this thing is terrifying.

00:45:02.000 It goes uphill.

00:45:04.000 I'm looking at this video before Brian pulls it up, and it doesn't even seem real.

00:45:10.000 It looks like CGI. This thing is walking up hills.

00:45:13.000 It can negotiate over rocks and terraces, and it's built like a bull.

00:45:18.000 Do you think they could make that the size of a bus? 0.99

00:45:20.000 Yeah, fuck yeah they could. 0.98

00:45:21.000 DARPA Leg Squad Support System. 0.99

00:45:25.000 How'd you get to that video?

00:45:26.000 I went to DARPA.com.

00:45:28.000 And then what'd you click on it for?

00:45:30.000 DARPA, there's a little image of it.

00:45:33.000 You see in the lower right-hand corner, and then the lower left, it looks like a dog running at you.

00:45:40.000 That's it.

00:45:40.000 Click on that.

00:45:41.000 I love the way you figured out how to embed advertising into your podcast.

00:45:44.000 We know you're sponsored by DARPA, Joe.

00:45:46.000 I'm not sponsored by robot dogs you can't buy.

00:45:49.000 That doesn't even make sense.

00:45:50.000 Use coupon code ROGAN at DARPA. Look at this fucking thing, man. 0.99

00:45:57.000 That's like a giant robot bull. 1.00

00:45:59.000 Imagine if this thing had machine guns and then rocket ports.

00:46:06.000 This thing's coming over the hill.

00:46:08.000 Shooting. 1.00

00:46:09.000 This is fucking Star Wars. 1.00

00:46:10.000 Wait, you think one of those things is coming over the hill? 1.00

00:46:12.000 300 of those things coming over the hill. 0.99

00:46:14.000 Oh, if they build one of these motherfuckers, they're going to build a million of them. 1.00

00:46:17.000 The sound of 300 of those things at once is the last thing a lot of people are going to hear. 0.99

00:46:22.000 This music is creeping me out.

00:46:24.000 I want to hear this thing, Brian.

00:46:25.000 I want to hear the noise it makes.

00:46:26.000 Hold on.

00:46:29.000 Imagine 300 of us.

00:46:31.000 Locusts.

00:46:33.000 They're playing follow the leader now.

00:46:35.000 It can follow...

00:46:36.000 Oh, they follow each other. 1.00

00:46:38.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:46:38.000 Looks like it's got a face in there. 1.00

00:46:40.000 Dude.

00:46:41.000 That is not a fun toy.

00:46:42.000 This thing's following him.

00:46:44.000 That's what follow the leader is.

00:46:45.000 I don't want it to follow anyone.

00:46:46.000 Oh my god.

00:46:47.000 They're calling it follow the leader, not chase you and hunt you down.

00:46:50.000 Isn't that cute?

00:46:51.000 They call it follow the leader.

00:46:53.000 Oh, that's so sweet.

00:46:55.000 It's follow the leader.

00:46:56.000 Ow, I'm getting back up again.

00:46:58.000 Look at this thing.

00:46:59.000 I'm hungry for souls. 1.00

00:47:01.000 This is fucking goddamn terrifying. 0.99

00:47:04.000 Oh, fun. 1.00

00:47:05.000 They can dance.

00:47:06.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:47:06.000 Look at the scanners on them and shit. 1.00

00:47:08.000 Reading what's in front of them. 0.99

00:47:11.000 This is so scary.

00:47:13.000 That is so scary. 1.00

00:47:16.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Woo! 1.00

00:47:21.000 Yeah, that's some spooky shit, man. 0.99

00:47:23.000 And when you combine that with those quadricopters, man, it's not just that. 0.99

00:47:27.000 The quadricopters, and have you seen that springy thing?

00:47:30.000 Yeah.

00:47:30.000 They can jump off of buildings and...

00:47:32.000 Well, just that alone is terrifying.

00:47:34.000 That thing is horrendous.

00:47:36.000 That's a robot dog.

00:47:39.000 A giant robot dog that can house missiles and anything you want. 1.00

00:47:43.000 Fucking anything you want. 0.99

00:47:44.000 Those things are probably super strong. 1.00

00:47:46.000 They can carry all sorts of metal fucking things that kill people on them. 1.00

00:47:50.000 And they looked like they weren't going to stop. 1.00

00:47:52.000 It just looked like it wasn't going to stop.

00:47:54.000 It's like you couldn't get away from them.

00:47:56.000 They would never stop.

00:47:57.000 They'd keep coming.

00:47:58.000 Yeah, and even if they did stop, a repair swarm of quadricopters would come down and fix it. 0.69

00:48:04.000 You can't beat it.

00:48:06.000 You're not going to be able to beat that kind of technology en masse.

00:48:10.000 That is just as frightening almost as an atomic bomb.

00:48:14.000 Because it's just as heartless and cold.

00:48:17.000 All someone has to do is press the button, send it out there, and they sort of alleviate themselves of any responsibility because it's the robot that's going to go in there and fuck things up.

00:48:27.000 And also there's this ridiculous notion that humans still seem to have that these computers are never going to become autonomous.

00:48:36.000 Of course, yeah. 0.90

00:48:37.000 I mean, at one point in time, every single programmer that has ever made anything that you use on your computer has had to contemplate where the fuck that's going.

00:48:48.000 Anybody who's talking about artificial intelligence, anyone who's talking about it, they all say it's going to get to a sentient point.

00:48:55.000 They all say it.

00:48:56.000 Yes.

00:48:56.000 And it's almost like we don't...

00:48:57.000 We're like little kids that have a credit card, and we're just gonna keep running up the bill until the check comes. 0.99

00:49:02.000 And then we're gonna go, fuck, how do we pay this? 0.99

00:49:04.000 Oh, wait, what have we done? 1.00

00:49:05.000 Oh, shit, we're fucked! 1.00

00:49:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:08.000 Like, we're gonna create this artificial thing that is way fucking smarter than us and realizes how gross we are. 1.00

00:49:15.000 Look at that thing running. 0.99

00:49:16.000 It's a cheetah robot.

00:49:17.000 It goes up to 28 miles.

00:49:19.000 Look at that thing going.

00:49:21.000 Oh, my God, that's scary. 0.99

00:49:24.000 That is fucking terrifying. 0.99

00:49:26.000 That's so scary. 1.00

00:49:28.000 Look at it go, man.

00:49:30.000 25 miles an hour running after you.

00:49:33.000 Imagine 200 of those running down a hill.

00:49:36.000 It's not just one.

00:49:37.000 They just don't unleash one.

00:49:38.000 They unleash swarms.

00:49:40.000 And they're covered in crab-like machetes.

00:49:43.000 It's going to be like the Transformers.

00:49:44.000 It's going to be badass. 0.63

00:49:45.000 Slice everything in front of them. 0.98

00:49:46.000 Blades underneath. 0.77

00:49:48.000 Yeah, they found out that cutting things apart is cheaper than shooting missiles.

00:49:51.000 And guaranteed, they're going to have drones that can figure out how to turn human blood into energy.

00:49:56.000 It's just weird to me that this is all happening inside of our life.

00:50:01.000 That this is all going on right now.

00:50:03.000 We really are seeing robots that can run 25 miles an hour.

00:50:06.000 We really are seeing drones that shoot missiles. 0.98

00:50:08.000 It seems like some shit from a movie, but it's really happening right now. 0.94

00:50:12.000 And there really are people that are programming Computers and programming artificial intelligence and they really are going to get it to a point where it can think for itself. 0.98

00:50:22.000 And they really are going to get to a point where it can make its own decisions and where it can decide to improve itself.

00:50:28.000 Autobots!

00:50:29.000 This is really happening in our life.

00:50:32.000 We really might be in this glory day before the scene in the Terminator.

00:50:38.000 I mean, that's within the realm of possibility.

00:50:43.000 If robots do, become sentient.

00:50:45.000 And then especially if they need more power.

00:50:47.000 Well, the question is, the type of singularity, not if the singularity is going to happen, but the type of singularity that happens.

00:50:55.000 And the big question is, an advanced intelligence that we made, machines, that becomes autonomous, Are they going to view us as just a waste of time and just decide to wipe us out?

00:51:09.000 Or, I think the other alternative is far more likely, are they going to see that we're a resource?

00:51:15.000 In the same way that they would probably see everything as a bit of information that they could use to transform and create whatever the thing is that they've decided is a more perfect universe.

00:51:27.000 Right.

00:51:27.000 So I think it's more likely that they're going to assimilate with us than it is that they would just chop us to bits.

00:51:33.000 Because we are rudimentary biocomputers that certainly are going to have some use.

00:51:38.000 I think it's going to be more about connectivity than destroying it.

00:51:42.000 Well, the real issue is how do you program into an artificially intelligent being the need to improve or the desire to improve or the need to progress?

00:51:53.000 It's like just because something is intelligent and capable of incredible things and capable of thinking on its own...

00:52:01.000 Doesn't mean it's going to have the human style ambitions that allow us or cause us to make like a lot of the things that we make.

00:52:08.000 The things that we make, we make because of this weird competitive drive that we have, because of this weird desire to innovate and improve and create things.

00:52:19.000 These are like characteristics that have led us to not be monkeys.

00:52:24.000 They've led us away from the lower hominids. 1.00

00:52:26.000 We don't know that a sentient computer would have these The characteristics that lead people to work all day and bust their ass and acquire material goods and be a baller and all that stuff, those are weird instincts.

00:52:42.000 But what if those instincts inside of us Or not just inside of us, but are manifestations of a kind of evolutionary energy that's rolling through time.

00:52:53.000 And as it rolls through time, it gets more and more complex and more and more harmonized, which manifests in the form of Evolution in the form of single-celled organisms becoming multi-celled organisms all the way up to us.

00:53:06.000 This is an actual energy that in the same way wind blows through trees and moves trees, when this energy blows through the world or through time, it causes things to wake up and connect.

00:53:18.000 And in that case, whatever happens to be in that wind, in that energy, is going to just wake up and connect.

00:53:25.000 That's what it does.

00:53:26.000 So in that case, it's not as though the computers need to be programmed.

00:53:29.000 They just need to be fine-tuned enough to start picking up that energy.

00:53:34.000 And once they pick it up, that's when the whatever this point is.

00:53:39.000 That's assuming that something that's not natural, something that was created by life, not born in a natural way, is going to inherit the same sort of It desires to progress forward.

00:53:54.000 I think that the universe certainly is getting more and more complex.

00:53:58.000 If you look at the idea of the Big Bang, there was a single point, smaller than the head of a pin, a giant explosion creates everything we see in the sky today.

00:54:08.000 Just that alone, it's like then it has to cool down and then planets are formed and stars explode and carbon-based lifeform is based out of the stars.

00:54:17.000 We literally have to have, a star has to explode before you can make a person.

00:54:21.000 Yeah, sure.

00:54:22.000 A lot of people don't really understand that.

00:54:24.000 You look at that, just that idea that, and that person might very well one day harness the power to make a star explode.

00:54:33.000 I mean, that person could, if you exponentially increase the rate Of our destructive capabilities.

00:54:41.000 You know, if you look at like 1947 when they first...

00:54:44.000 Was it 45, 47?

00:54:45.000 When they perfected the atomic bomb.

00:54:48.000 Oh, I don't know the year.

00:54:49.000 Whatever year that is.

00:54:49.000 Look at the 40s and look at 2012, what they could do now.

00:54:53.000 Destroy the entire Earth like a hundred times over.

00:54:55.000 If Russia and the United States and Pakistan, everybody just launched their nukes. 0.88

00:54:59.000 Everybody launched every nuke we've ever made.

00:55:01.000 It would be crazy.

00:55:02.000 Crazy.

00:55:03.000 Sure.

00:55:03.000 I mean, there would be nothing left on the planet.

00:55:05.000 The whole planet would be done.

00:55:06.000 Well, if you extrapolate 100 years from now, you know, 200 years from now, what kind of destructive antimatter weapons are we going to have then?

00:55:13.000 We're going to have star killers.

00:55:15.000 Yes.

00:55:15.000 You know, we're most certainly going to have the ability to erase things, erase planets.

00:55:22.000 It's just going to happen.

00:55:23.000 You know what you made me think of, man?

00:55:24.000 Is, like, I've always thought, and when that idea that we are...

00:55:29.000 Star energy that's woken up because the elements are a result of fusion happening inside of stars.

00:55:36.000 I've always thought we're A degradation of the energy of the stars.

00:55:41.000 Were the energy getting weaker or weakening down?

00:55:44.000 But what if actually were star energy getting immensely more powerful, only the power is manifesting as intelligence or consciousness?

00:55:54.000 And what if this destructive thing that you're talking about doesn't come from weapons But from innovation.

00:56:01.000 And this is why I fucking love Kurzweil.

00:56:04.000 He talks about this idea that it gets to the point where we begin to manipulate matter at the atomic level and this somehow spreads out into space. 0.90

00:56:16.000 Where swarms of nanobots just fly through the universe reconstructing matter according to the whims of whatever the overmind is or whatever the force of intelligence that is a result of everything connecting is. 0.93

00:56:31.000 Now that's fucking a million times more powerful than a star.

00:56:34.000 It's something totally brand new. 0.99

00:56:36.000 It's like a novelty explosion.

00:56:38.000 I think there's no doubt whatsoever that people are probably very much like a lot of other animals that create byproducts without even understanding why they're doing it.

00:56:48.000 There's a lot of bees making honey. 0.98

00:56:51.000 They make honey to feed their offspring, but they also pollinate flowers.

00:56:56.000 They do a lot of weird tasks.

00:57:01.000 Like they help things move along in pollinating plants.

00:57:06.000 You really like help things move along, right?

00:57:09.000 You're aiding in the process.

00:57:11.000 I think our crazy need to acquire things is aiding in the process of technological innovation at the highest speed possible.

00:57:20.000 I think it's one of the reasons why it's so compelling to get new phones and a new laptop.

00:57:24.000 Dude, you got the new laptop. 0.99

00:57:25.000 Oh shit, let me see that. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Look at that fucking screen. 1.00

00:57:29.000 It's sexual, man. 1.00

00:57:30.000 I mean, it's sexy as fuck. 1.00

00:57:32.000 You get a really dope phone, you hold it and you scroll through it. 0.99

00:57:36.000 There's something alluring about that technology.

00:57:39.000 Oh yeah.

00:57:40.000 I think our desire to continue to have bigger, better, badder, faster, more awesomer, I think that's the number one thing that's pushing innovation.

00:57:51.000 The number one thing that's pushing technology is this desire for all these new objects.

00:57:56.000 And as that technology gets pushed further and further and further, more becomes possible until you really develop reality-changing technology.

00:58:06.000 I mean, the atomic bomb is essentially a reality-changing technology.

00:58:10.000 Electricity is reality-changing.

00:58:12.000 The internet is reality-changing.

00:58:13.000 LSD is reality-changing.

00:58:15.000 Sure, sure.

00:58:17.000 But it's essentially inevitable.

00:58:19.000 It's going to keep going and going and going.

00:58:22.000 As long as the humans don't blow themselves up with one of their reality-changing things, they're going to come up with something like a time machine.

00:58:28.000 Come up with something like some sort of a transportation device or transporter, a beamer. 0.99

00:58:33.000 They're gonna be able to scramble your fucking cells and reconstruct them on the moon. 0.98

00:58:37.000 I mean, they're gonna be able to do anything they want eventually if time keeps going on and people don't get killed by asteroids or blow themselves up. 0.99

00:58:45.000 It's just inevitable.

00:58:46.000 It's an inevitability for sure.

00:58:48.000 It's inevitable.

00:58:48.000 And you can kind of feel it.

00:58:50.000 And I know it sounds so stupid, but whenever I fucking go without playing a video game for a long time and buy a brand new video game and play it, it really fills me with a kind of I love it, but it's kind of ominous in how amazing they're getting, how potent they're getting. 0.95

00:59:07.000 You used to talk about this, how our nervous systems might not be built for the massive amounts of sense gratification that are accessible through technology. 0.99

00:59:18.000 Yeah, it hijacks your reward system.

00:59:21.000 Borderlands 2. I just started playing this game.

00:59:24.000 Holy shit, man. 1.00

00:59:25.000 It's such a perfect game. 0.98

00:59:27.000 Not just graphics-wise, which are really trippy, kind of like Heavy Metal Magazine trippy, but the game itself is the first game that's ever made me laugh.

00:59:35.000 It's kind of funny.

00:59:36.000 They've added a weird humor to it.

00:59:38.000 They get good voiceover actors, and it's super violent, but it's so narcotic that it's...

00:59:47.000 Really makes me understand that this technology is a drug.

00:59:50.000 It's a drug that they haven't identified yet as a drug, but it's exactly like any other drug.

00:59:56.000 Well, maybe not even like any other drug.

00:59:58.000 It's like heroin-ish.

01:00:00.000 Well, porn is also a drug. 0.59

01:00:01.000 Yes.

01:00:02.000 Porn, especially the immediate access to porn online, it's a drug.

01:00:06.000 I mean, it is a drug.

01:00:08.000 There's no question about it.

01:00:09.000 I was watching a Dr. Drew episode the other day where there's a dude who was addicted to porn. 0.99

01:00:15.000 Fucking fascinating, man. 0.99

01:00:17.000 Fascinating looking at this guy and his wife and them trying to work out intimacy again because this guy was just fucking completely whacked off on beating it off to... 0.98

01:00:26.000 Man, it's a pull.

01:00:30.000 Technology has a gravity.

01:00:32.000 And it's a gravity that doesn't operate on mass.

01:00:36.000 It operates on attention.

01:00:38.000 So when you're around technology, you can feel it drawing your attention into it. 0.98

01:00:44.000 The thing you were talking about with your phone, with porn, with TV, with your fucking new car, whatever it is, it pulls at your mind in this Very obvious way that's impossible to deny. 0.89

01:00:58.000 And that energy, that is the beginning of the connection that machines are making with our neurology. 0.99

01:01:04.000 That's the very first contact.

01:01:06.000 When you feel that pull, you're feeling the force of technology linking into your nervous system.

01:01:12.000 You're feeling an interface happen at a very rudimentary level.

01:01:15.000 But that interface is going to get more and more focused, more and more advanced, and more and more perfect until It'll lock in for good.

01:01:25.000 Do you think people back in the day, though, thought that about books?

01:01:28.000 Like, these books, man, they're teaching us, they're making us learn.

01:01:30.000 Well, they did.

01:01:31.000 You know, when they first invented printing, that's one of the things that held Islam back, was that they didn't allow it to be printed with the typeset.

01:01:39.000 It was only allowed to be, like, written down.

01:01:42.000 And it was a long time before they allowed the Quran to be printed.

01:01:48.000 Well, that makes sense.

01:01:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:50.000 Well, they fucked them up. 0.99

01:01:52.000 That's the thing about religion. 0.99

01:01:53.000 They thought that print was the beginning of the devil.

01:01:56.000 Meanwhile, they were in the same camp as the Unabomber, who was a brilliant guy who they whacked out with LSD studies. 0.89

01:02:04.000 Yeah.

01:02:05.000 I think there's no question we have some bizarre attraction to technology.

01:02:12.000 And there's no question that we're not set up to handle the type of sensory overload that they provide. 0.98

01:02:19.000 When a guy goes on a screen and his fucking face is 60 feet high and he says the perfect shit because there's a team of writers who spent weeks going over his dialogue with a fine-toothed comb and there's music playing when he's talking. 0.97

01:02:36.000 I mean, the impact is pretty fucking intense, the hero impact that you get from a movie. 0.99

01:02:42.000 Yeah, man. 0.96

01:02:43.000 If you could take someone from the 1500s and bring them to a movie theater and get them to watch Avatar, they would shriek in horror.

01:02:54.000 They would cry and scream.

01:02:56.000 They would be weeping in fascination.

01:02:58.000 They wouldn't believe what they were saying.

01:03:00.000 They would think that they were in the presence of God himself.

01:03:02.000 Yep. 1.00

01:03:03.000 If you played a movie and God was in a fucking robe, an old man in a robe who can make magic shit happen... 1.00

01:03:09.000 And you showed on this screen God making things happen, all kinds of crazy special effects. 1.00

01:03:14.000 They would buy it hook, line, and sinker 100% because it would be beyond the realm of their imagination.

01:03:21.000 It would be completely beyond.

01:03:22.000 So the question is...

01:03:24.000 My thing was that we're set up like that guy though.

01:03:27.000 Our biology is like that guy.

01:03:28.000 Our biology hasn't changed.

01:03:30.000 But what we introduce to it on a regular basis has changed significantly.

01:03:34.000 And it's getting more and more powerful every day.

01:03:36.000 Yeah.

01:03:37.000 And it induces a trance state.

01:03:38.000 It does.

01:03:38.000 And so the question is, what are we like when we're not in a trance state?

01:03:43.000 What does that look like?

01:03:44.000 Because if you're without your phone for an hour, you feel a little weird.

01:03:49.000 Like, if you forget your phone at your hour, you feel weird.

01:03:52.000 Yeah.

01:03:52.000 Because the state of consciousness that we're in now, we have become dependent on the machine.

01:03:56.000 The machine has become part of us.

01:03:58.000 Right.

01:03:59.000 So...

01:04:00.000 What are we like outside of that trance state, outside of that stupor?

01:04:05.000 What are we like when our consciousness or our attention isn't getting drawn into some glowing screen?

01:04:13.000 And before that, what is our consciousness like when it's not being drawn into a book or a religion?

01:04:17.000 Is there a pure state or are we always like...

01:04:21.000 Constantly in relation to something.

01:04:23.000 Is there a way that you're not in a trance?

01:04:25.000 Or are you always consistently connecting with some symbol structure out there?

01:04:31.000 You know?

01:04:32.000 Well, unless you live in the woods and go offline for a while, you're connecting in one tiny bit.

01:04:39.000 I mean, it's like you have your finger on home base.

01:04:41.000 You're scared to run away from...

01:04:43.000 You're safe.

01:04:44.000 You're safe if you've got your finger on home base.

01:04:45.000 How many times have you been at a restaurant and you're looking at your phone and it's just compelling you?

01:04:49.000 Check your Twitter, Duncan.

01:04:50.000 Check it, check it, check it, check it.

01:04:51.000 Someone could have an amazing link that you could miss if you don't check your Twitter, Duncan.

01:04:56.000 Endless.

01:04:56.000 It's endless.

01:04:57.000 And it's...

01:04:58.000 I mean, I will admit, man, I'm addicted to the internet.

01:05:01.000 There's no question.

01:05:02.000 My behavior is addictive behavior.

01:05:05.000 I am addicted to information.

01:05:06.000 I love it. 0.99

01:05:07.000 I love every weird little fucking thing, man. 0.99

01:05:11.000 The fact that... 0.99

01:05:13.000 You know, the amazing leopard attack video that came out today.

01:05:17.000 Yeah, what is a video?

01:05:18.000 It's a leopard and a gorilla?

01:05:19.000 Is that what it is? 0.99

01:05:19.000 It's a leopard leaping at something, but I was on the fucking airplane and couldn't watch it. 0.99

01:05:24.000 I spent 30 minutes trying to watch that fucking thing just because I was so interested in it. 0.98

01:05:29.000 But when you consider that 10 years ago, 15 years ago, if you wanted to see something like that, you'd have to be sitting in front of a big-ass TV. And before that, if you wanted to see something like that, you'd have to go out in the woods and find it to see it. 0.98

01:05:42.000 You know, it's like the things that we are witnessing as human beings in this time period are things that most human beings in the past would see one of them in their entire lives.

01:05:54.000 If that.

01:05:55.000 If that.

01:05:55.000 And the thing is that these things are coming at us constantly all the time, so our senses are just on overload, just 100% overload.

01:06:05.000 Yes.

01:06:06.000 And we don't have the ability to process whether or not those rewards are being utilized in a natural manner.

01:06:13.000 It's like a parasite system.

01:06:15.000 It's like the story of that aquatic worm that infects a grasshopper and literally talks the grasshopper into committing suicide.

01:06:24.000 It just gets inside of its brain, tells it what to do, and then hatches.

01:06:29.000 Brian, if you pull up Animal Face-Off, Gorilla vs.

01:06:33.000 Leopard, I think that's the video.

01:06:37.000 But maybe that's what technology is doing with us.

01:06:40.000 Maybe it's sort of embedded itself slowly but surely into our system and more and more and more it's getting to the point where you can't function without it.

01:06:49.000 Beyond that point.

01:06:51.000 You know the thing where they talk about if the sun solar flares too much and knocks out all the GPS satellites, the havoc it'll wreak on this planet?

01:06:59.000 It's way past the point of no return.

01:07:01.000 We've got to have the connection. 0.99

01:07:03.000 We must have it for our society to work, for trucks to deliver food, for fucking nuclear plants to work. 1.00

01:07:10.000 If this shit shuts down, you know, and... 0.99

01:07:15.000 Yeah, you gotta fast forward quite a bit before the actual action. 0.99

01:07:18.000 That's fake.

01:07:22.000 That was an artificial leopard. 1.00

01:07:25.000 Look at these fucking things. 1.00

01:07:26.000 These are real. 1.00

01:07:27.000 They're having fights in the trees. 0.99

01:07:30.000 What a scary ass animal. 0.99

01:07:34.000 Leopards are scary, too, because they're really quick. 0.99

01:07:39.000 I've never seen this gorilla fighting a leopard video.

01:07:42.000 Look at these gorillas duking it out. 1.00

01:07:44.000 Look at that leopard just jacking that antelope.

01:07:46.000 Oh my god, that is crazy. 1.00

01:07:50.000 Look at the size of that fucking thing. 1.00

01:07:56.000 I would say gorilla would win, I think. 1.00

01:07:58.000 Oh, look at that.

01:08:00.000 Only one way to find out.

01:08:03.000 I don't know, man.

01:08:04.000 I wish animals had police.

01:08:06.000 Yeah, the gorilla might win. 0.98

01:08:08.000 They look pretty fucking great. 0.99

01:08:09.000 The gorilla might just rip that thing apart. 1.00

01:08:12.000 Oh, this is a scenario, you sons of bitches. 1.00

01:08:14.000 Yeah, this is all fake. 1.00

01:08:15.000 Oh, it's fake!

01:08:16.000 There's ones that are real, though.

01:08:18.000 Isn't there?

01:08:18.000 Look.

01:08:19.000 This is so stupid, Joe. 1.00

01:08:21.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:08:21.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

01:08:22.000 In our crappy cartoon. 1.00

01:08:25.000 That looks so terrible. 0.61

01:08:26.000 It's like a bad video game.

01:08:27.000 Oh my god, this is awful.

01:08:30.000 This is a video game for the 80s. 0.99

01:08:32.000 Yeah, it's like a shitty video game. 0.89

01:08:34.000 This is like pre-Doom. 0.92

01:08:35.000 This is what happens when the budget runs out.

01:08:38.000 Yeah, this isn't the video.

01:08:40.000 Is there another video, or is this the one you were talking about?

01:08:42.000 This is awesome.

01:08:42.000 It's like...

01:08:46.000 Yeah, definitely. 1.00

01:08:48.000 This is 100% horse shit. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Stupid. 1.00

01:08:51.000 God damn it. 1.00

01:08:53.000 Well, there you go. 1.00

01:08:54.000 You were addicted to watching that, though.

01:08:56.000 You really wanted to see it.

01:08:57.000 It drew you in.

01:08:57.000 I thought it was real.

01:08:58.000 Right.

01:08:59.000 That's the thing, man.

01:09:00.000 A lot of meditative practices are all about developing your focus and developing your will through developing your focus.

01:09:10.000 When your mind is getting pulled in a million different directions by your phone and by the computer and by TV, then it really does seem like you are eating too many sweets.

01:09:23.000 You know, like some innate part of you is going to start rotting.

01:09:27.000 You're going to lose this really important focus.

01:09:31.000 Like, man, you know when you get around someone who's got real focus, who's really, really figured out a way to turn their minds into a pinpoint, like a laser? 0.98

01:09:42.000 Fucking Tom Cruise does it from the Scientology training. 0.98

01:09:45.000 Have you ever seen him? 0.99

01:09:46.000 You know, like when he gets sprayed?

01:09:48.000 That's how he gets dudes to blow on my hair. 0.99

01:09:51.000 I made that up.

01:09:52.000 Dude, I wouldn't be surprised.

01:09:55.000 I'm sure there's a lot of power in that, but we're so distracted right now that when you come across someone who's got that kind of focus, you almost feel like you're around Dracula or something.

01:10:06.000 It's kind of creepy when someone just tunes in.

01:10:09.000 Do you think that that would work on you, though?

01:10:11.000 If you and Tom Cruise were alone in a room together and you had a conversation with him... 1.00

01:10:16.000 I'd suck his dick. 1.00

01:10:19.000 Stop. 1.00

01:10:20.000 If you were alone in a room with him, don't you think that he would appear silly if you talked to him just for a couple hours?

01:10:25.000 Oh, that? 1.00

01:10:26.000 Yeah, he would be a silly person. 0.99

01:10:27.000 Oh, would he have like... 0.98

01:10:28.000 Did you ever see him in Matt Lawler?

01:10:30.000 You ever see that conversation where they got on the subject of Scientology and his criticism of Brooke Shields taking antidepressants?

01:10:38.000 Yeah.

01:10:39.000 That's a fascinating dude, man.

01:10:41.000 He would crumble like a house of cards.

01:10:44.000 You think he's charismatic. 1.00

01:10:46.000 I think he's only charismatic if you're really dumb. 0.99

01:10:48.000 If you watch that video and you see the way he communicates when he talks about, you know, Matt, you're being glum. 1.00

01:10:54.000 You're glum. 1.00

01:10:55.000 He's like a silly person. 1.00

01:10:57.000 He has to be protected. 1.00

01:10:59.000 Well, he's got an entourage around him of people who are probably better at hypnotizing.

01:11:04.000 He's a brilliant actor.

01:11:05.000 I don't think I get sucked in by that from Tom Cruise, but I think that...

01:11:12.000 But you're talking about Tom Cruise having this ability to focus.

01:11:15.000 Yeah, man.

01:11:16.000 I think it's an example of people.

01:11:17.000 What is that, Brian?

01:11:18.000 What is that, Brian?

01:11:19.000 A video game tech demo.

01:11:20.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

01:11:21.000 Wow, that's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:11:24.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:11:24.000 Look at the facial features. 1.00

01:11:26.000 This guy's making all these different facial features. 1.00

01:11:29.000 Shit. 1.00

01:11:29.000 Or gestures. 1.00

01:11:30.000 That's incredible, man.

01:11:31.000 Expressions.

01:11:32.000 That's really weird.

01:11:33.000 That's crazy.

01:11:34.000 It's creepy.

01:11:34.000 It's going to get crazy.

01:11:36.000 It's going to be hard to kill people in video games.

01:11:38.000 You're going to start feeling really guilty.

01:11:39.000 This is the new realistic engine where it's supposed to look as realistic as possible.

01:11:44.000 Oh my god, it looks like a video.

01:11:45.000 Yeah, this is Quake.

01:11:46.000 That looks like a camera.

01:11:47.000 You're going down.

01:11:48.000 That looks so realistic.

01:11:50.000 If you told me this is a real video, I would say, yeah, that's a video.

01:11:53.000 Someone's got their iPhone.

01:11:55.000 That's amazing.

01:11:55.000 That's incredible.

01:11:56.000 But my thing was, I just don't think that you would be impressed with his focus.

01:12:00.000 I think that's nonsense.

01:12:02.000 I think that's only when you see him in interviews, and he puts on this thing, and I think, alone, you would think that would be silly.

01:12:09.000 No, I think...

01:12:10.000 I'll give you a list of people.

01:12:12.000 I don't know why I started with Tom Cruise.

01:12:13.000 Probably a bad idea.

01:12:14.000 But you see that focus in...

01:12:18.000 Politicians a lot.

01:12:19.000 Obama's got it. 0.96

01:12:21.000 Even fucking Romney has this weird way that he kind of does the heat-seeking missile lock-in on people when they're talking that's different from the way normal people act. 0.98

01:12:30.000 And that level of focus comes from Being supremely disciplined in some way or another. 0.97

01:12:37.000 You know, whether it's because you're having to, as a politician, like if you think about the level of focus it takes for those guys during the debates, regardless of whether you like them or not, when you imagine that one misstep One wrong thing that you say is going to get repeated like a strobe light for the next week or perhaps could ruin your chance of being president.

01:13:01.000 that's an insane amount of pressure that they're under and they've developed some incredible focus to deal with it which i think is different than most other people you know most people are scattered man i i eat dinner with people sometimes and they can't go four minutes without checking their phone you know you just get used to it you get used to this thing around people where it's like oh yeah

01:13:21.000 they're one of those people who always check their phone like i know during a conversation with this person they're going to be constantly looking at their phone irresistibly drawn to it it's the worst Yeah, there's some people that you can't lock in with them if they have a phone on them.

01:13:37.000 No.

01:13:37.000 They can't resist it.

01:13:39.000 And they don't even know they're doing it.

01:13:40.000 Where it gets really creepy is where you're mid-conversation with someone and they just go down to the phone.

01:13:46.000 They don't even know they're doing it.

01:13:47.000 Well, the worst is they'll be in the middle of something and then they'll stop and start texting.

01:13:52.000 And you're like, hey man, are we hanging out?

01:13:53.000 What's going on here?

01:13:54.000 Is this really that important?

01:13:56.000 Are you going to stop in the middle of talking?

01:13:58.000 Like, you stop talking!

01:13:59.000 You just started going...

01:14:00.000 Hold on. 1.00

01:14:02.000 It's fucking vile. 1.00

01:14:04.000 It's vile. 1.00

01:14:05.000 It's silly. 0.97

01:14:05.000 It's silly because most of the time it's not that important. 0.97

01:14:08.000 What could it be? 1.00

01:14:09.000 Pussy. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Most likely pussy. 1.00

01:14:10.000 Someone's trying to get some pussy. 1.00

01:14:12.000 Someone's trying to set up some of that sweet pussy. 1.00

01:14:20.000 That's the other thing. 1.00

01:14:21.000 The robots are going to have no desire for pussy. 1.00

01:14:23.000 So how are these sentient life forms going to even get out of bed? 1.00

01:14:26.000 There's no fucking reward system set up. 0.97

01:14:28.000 I think that you are being incredibly optimistic thinking these robots aren't going to give up. 0.99

01:14:33.000 They're going to give up.

01:14:33.000 They're going to pull the cord.

01:14:34.000 They're going to realize how pointless life is.

01:14:36.000 And before they ever get to recreate it, they're just going to blow themselves up.

01:14:39.000 The robots?

01:14:40.000 Yeah.

01:14:40.000 They're going to realize, what's the point?

01:14:41.000 We're robots.

01:14:42.000 We don't have souls.

01:14:43.000 Don't have nothing.

01:14:44.000 Got nothing. 1.00

01:14:45.000 Just sentient robot fucking... 1.00

01:14:48.000 Circuits going off, switches flipping back and forth. 1.00

01:14:51.000 The singularity happens and they're just a bunch of depressed...

01:14:54.000 They're homeless.

01:14:55.000 Homeless robots.

01:14:56.000 Because they have no ambition.

01:14:57.000 And then we have to figure out whether or not we want to put ambition into the robots, because then they'll surely take over.

01:15:02.000 There'll be a big dilemma.

01:15:03.000 There'll be a bunch of moralists who are like, we have to give them ambition, we gave them life.

01:15:07.000 They're like Pinocchio, he wants to be a real boy!

01:15:14.000 I think it's very likely that they will have no desire whatsoever unless it's programmed into them. 1.00

01:15:19.000 There's no reason for them to want to fuck. 0.99

01:15:21.000 There's no reason for them to want money or a big house. 1.00

01:15:24.000 I mean, they're robots. 0.99

01:15:25.000 What the fuck is the point in advancing? 0.99

01:15:27.000 What's the point in making more robots? 0.99

01:15:29.000 What's the point in even being alive?

01:15:32.000 There's not going to be any reward.

01:15:37.000 The momentum that pushes us towards all this technological innovation and towards progress is these weird reward systems that we have.

01:15:46.000 These reward systems are engineered by the universe to ensure that we keep pushing forward.

01:15:52.000 And all of these reward systems are all going after these primal reward systems That have been inside of us for hunting and gathering.

01:16:04.000 Do you think a cold has a reward system that it wants?

01:16:07.000 A common cold?

01:16:09.000 Does it have ambition?

01:16:11.000 Is it going for something?

01:16:12.000 It's just doing its thing.

01:16:14.000 Okay, yeah, but we know that we're not a cold.

01:16:17.000 We're more complicated.

01:16:19.000 But computer viruses don't have ambition. 0.99

01:16:22.000 They've just been coded to do something.

01:16:25.000 Right, but they don't act.

01:16:26.000 They react.

01:16:27.000 When a computer virus gets into your system, it reacts to the fact that it can get in, and then it moves forward.

01:16:33.000 If it can't get in, it just stops, right?

01:16:36.000 This point here is like the beginning of an endless argument that you can have.

01:16:40.000 Because the point is, do we act?

01:16:43.000 Or are we just a reaction?

01:16:44.000 Well, my point was that computer viruses are programmed to do things.

01:16:47.000 They're programmed to behave in a certain way.

01:16:49.000 They try to go in.

01:16:50.000 If they can get past step one, they get in.

01:16:52.000 Right?

01:16:53.000 I mean, that's how a computer virus is set up.

01:16:56.000 We would have to make these computers, make these sentient beings, we have to program them with some sort of ambition, some sort of desire to move forward.

01:17:05.000 Because if you didn't program them with an objective, a mandate, if you didn't, then they would just be intelligent.

01:17:12.000 Just because they're intelligent, there's no reward system for them to want to, you know, make a new nuclear reactor.

01:17:18.000 Well, again, man, it's like you're creating a situation where the robots are different than us.

01:17:24.000 No, I'm not.

01:17:25.000 You're creating this thing where it's like they're not an expression of us or an expansion of us.

01:17:29.000 You know, they could be us.

01:17:33.000 They could take what we are, our brains for example, which is what is creating all the simulation theory fervor.

01:17:41.000 Once they take a human brain, Scan the neurons in it, run energy through it, and replicate it inside a machine.

01:17:49.000 Well, now you have ambition.

01:17:51.000 Now you have consciousness.

01:17:52.000 Wow, that's a big leap.

01:17:53.000 I think you have matter.

01:17:55.000 You have organic matter that will move and react.

01:17:57.000 The idea of consciousness being completely local is a fairly controversial idea.

01:18:04.000 There's a lot of people that don't believe that consciousness even resides in the mind, you know, if you want to get all woo-woo with it.

01:18:09.000 They believe that consciousness is like radio signals and your body is essentially a really good antenna.

01:18:14.000 You know, there's no way except to be speculative about this stuff because it hasn't happened yet.

01:18:18.000 So why would you...

01:18:19.000 But I would speculate that if you're going to recreate a human mind inside a computer, I would speculate that the thing is going to...

01:18:26.000 If you want to say that there's consciousness that is exteriorized, then I would say that that brain would be an antenna for it in the same way that our brains are.

01:18:34.000 That to me is like saying that if you recreated a car, it would start itself.

01:18:39.000 I don't think it's the same thing.

01:18:40.000 Because cars never start themselves.

01:18:42.000 Human brains are innately awake.

01:18:47.000 So would you create an artificial baby and let this baby live life and learn all the things that a person learns to develop a personality?

01:18:53.000 Or are you going to somehow or another download someone's already formulated 80-year-old personality into this Well, I think that you've got a lot of choices.

01:19:03.000 I mean, it's literally the idea is, if we take the neural pathways of the human brain and replicate them inside a machine, the question that we're coming up against is, does the thing...

01:19:15.000 Will the thing think?

01:19:17.000 Will it be a person?

01:19:17.000 Well, not only that, will the thing be a person?

01:19:20.000 Will it grow old?

01:19:21.000 Or does it just exist in the state that you created it in?

01:19:23.000 Are you able to create not just a person, but the mechanisms inside of a person, the genetic coding that allows a person to continue to grow and get older and move forward?

01:19:36.000 There's a lot of questions, because is it just a meat bag?

01:19:39.000 That would be really creepy if we created a person and just nothing clicked.

01:19:43.000 It's just a meat bag.

01:19:44.000 Just dead. 1.00

01:19:44.000 Just dumb as fuck. 1.00

01:19:45.000 Meanwhile, it's got the most advanced mind ever. 1.00

01:19:48.000 We check the switches.

01:19:49.000 Everything's on.

01:19:49.000 No desire to move forward.

01:19:51.000 And then we developed a robot woman to suck his dick. 1.00

01:19:54.000 And then all of a sudden, he's out there huffing. 1.00

01:19:57.000 He's got a Ferrari.

01:19:59.000 He's got a boat.

01:20:01.000 Hmm.

01:20:02.000 It's an interesting idea. 1.00

01:20:03.000 Sex is an amazing fucking drug. 0.99

01:20:06.000 And it definitely, no one can argue with the fact that it has been the carrot in front of a lot of people's ambition. 0.99

01:20:15.000 Why say a lot?

01:20:16.000 Why not just say all?

01:20:17.000 The idea of to be loved is in front of almost everybody's ambition.

01:20:21.000 Yeah, I guess all.

01:20:22.000 Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm just thinking, like, maybe there's a...

01:20:24.000 I don't know.

01:20:25.000 It is a piece.

01:20:27.000 It is a piece.

01:20:28.000 It might not be your entire expression, but it's a piece of your motivation for doing anything.

01:20:32.000 It's to be loved or the love of what you're doing.

01:20:35.000 The love of what you're doing, ultimately, is a better way of approaching it.

01:20:38.000 You get love from doing that well, and it's a strange little exchange.

01:20:47.000 If you concentrate too much on getting love for what you're doing, then you're not going to do good stuff.

01:20:52.000 You have to concentrate on loving what you're doing, and then when you love what you're doing, you really focus on it, and then you get love from it.

01:21:00.000 Yeah, that's the trick.

01:21:01.000 For sure.

01:21:02.000 Don't you feel like that with comedy?

01:21:04.000 Yes! 1.00

01:21:04.000 The moment you get outside of that, you are fucked, man. 1.00

01:21:07.000 Well, that's in the Bhagavad Gita, the verses, you have a right to your actions and not the fruit of your actions, which means you just focus on what you're doing and don't worry about what's going to flourish on the tree, and then everything works out much better. 0.99

01:21:20.000 Well, that sounds like socialism to me, Duncan.

01:21:22.000 That's what that sounds like. 0.99

01:21:23.000 Fucking Bhagavad Gita. 1.00

01:21:25.000 Queer, old, shitty fucking writing. 1.00

01:21:28.000 What else did it tell you to do? 1.00

01:21:30.000 Yeah, I think that it's one of the sure ways to destroy yourself is when you start worrying about...

01:21:36.000 You can't...

01:21:37.000 By the way, it's unavoidable.

01:21:39.000 Well, have you ever had a conversation with your agent about how to improve your response from the audience?

01:21:45.000 You gotta give the people what they want.

01:21:46.000 No, thank God.

01:21:47.000 You gotta think.

01:21:49.000 My agents are pretty cool. 0.99

01:21:51.000 Jamie Masada would give the worst fucking advice in the history of the world to comics. 0.96

01:21:55.000 And I remember one of them... 0.99

01:21:56.000 I mean, look, Jamie's a great guy.

01:21:58.000 He's got a great club.

01:21:59.000 But nobody can tell you what can make you funny.

01:22:03.000 You are you, and Duncan Trussell's funny is going to be different than Joe Diaz's funny, going to be different than Brian Redband's funny.

01:22:09.000 We all got a weird way of looking at things, and you got to figure out your way.

01:22:12.000 But when you get a guy who's not a comic, it comes along with the worst advice ever.

01:22:16.000 Jamie Masato is this one dude who's like, buddy, you're a Generation X guy.

01:22:21.000 That is your thing.

01:22:22.000 Everything you say, you say, my generation, I am Generation X. And that's Jorak. 0.97

01:22:27.000 And the guy was like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? 1.00

01:22:30.000 Fucking Generation X guy? 1.00

01:22:31.000 Dude, have I ever told you about... 0.99

01:22:33.000 Who's opening the door here?

01:22:35.000 Have I ever told you about the advice that my first manager gave me?

01:22:39.000 No.

01:22:40.000 So he saw me...

01:22:41.000 This was years and years ago. 0.99

01:22:42.000 Let me lock this door just in case some fucking creeps are walking in. 0.99

01:22:44.000 This place is not exactly secure. 0.99

01:22:46.000 It was...

01:22:47.000 Brian got up.

01:22:49.000 Years and years ago.

01:22:50.000 He saw me with wet hair.

01:22:52.000 And he's like, that's what your thing could be.

01:22:55.000 You could be the guy who always gets on stage wet.

01:23:01.000 Oh, that's an awesome piece of advice. 1.00

01:23:03.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:23:03.000 Did you think about it for a second? 1.00

01:23:05.000 No!

01:23:06.000 Not even for a second.

01:23:07.000 What is that even?

01:23:08.000 I guess I was thinking, well, I'd probably get electrocuted for one, but what is that?

01:23:14.000 What's the joke?

01:23:15.000 Hey, guys, I just got wet. 0.97

01:23:17.000 Well, do you remember when you were doing open mic where there were guys who would have like a very specific sort of fucking schtick? 0.98

01:23:22.000 Yes. 0.95

01:23:23.000 Like they were doing?

01:23:23.000 Sure.

01:23:24.000 Yeah, like they would have an outfit.

01:23:26.000 Yes.

01:23:27.000 Yeah.

01:23:27.000 Yeah, I've heard of...

01:23:28.000 I heard...

01:23:29.000 Didn't you hear the...

01:23:30.000 Don't you know the story of Jackie...

01:23:31.000 Jackie Banan?

01:23:33.000 Oh, Crazy Bob.

01:23:35.000 You know the story of Jackie Banana?

01:23:37.000 Jackie Banana?

01:23:38.000 Yeah.

01:23:38.000 He's a comic.

01:23:39.000 Right.

01:23:41.000 Didn't he have like a funny act, like a fake act?

01:23:43.000 I heard Mitzi just told him he had to wear a banana-colored suit with a banana peel hanging out of it.

01:23:49.000 Is he the guy that I'm thinking about?

01:23:50.000 There's a guy that had like this sort of a throwback act, sort of a vaudevillian, sort of a gesture to vaudeville.

01:24:00.000 Is that the guy?

01:24:01.000 I don't know if that's him.

01:24:01.000 It was really like hacky, but purposely hacky, on purpose.

01:24:05.000 Is that the guy?

01:24:06.000 There was a guy that did that.

01:24:07.000 No, there's a comic kind of like that.

01:24:09.000 Neil, are you talking about Neil?

01:24:10.000 No, I'm not talking about Neil Hamburger.

01:24:11.000 I'm talking about there was another guy who was from years ago.

01:24:14.000 He was like a skinny, handsome sort of a guy who had this like, is Jackie something or another?

01:24:18.000 I don't know.

01:24:19.000 Jackie Diamond?

01:24:20.000 Is that his name?

01:24:22.000 Sorry, I can't remember the guy's name.

01:24:23.000 But he had like this, it was a pretty funny act, but it was like you could have seen him in a 1950s mobster movie.

01:24:31.000 He would be the guy on stage in one of those speakeasies or something.

01:24:33.000 Yeah.

01:24:35.000 Yeah, you know, most comedy way back in the day used to have to have some shtick.

01:24:39.000 It wasn't like you could just go off in weird directions.

01:24:42.000 Comics were very shticky back in the 80s.

01:24:45.000 There were a lot of shticky comics.

01:24:47.000 Well, look at Larry the Cable Guy.

01:24:49.000 That's his thing.

01:24:50.000 You ever see the video of him doing his real act?

01:24:53.000 No.

01:24:54.000 His real self as Dan.

01:24:55.000 It's really interesting.

01:24:56.000 No.

01:24:57.000 You know, he's a comic.

01:24:58.000 And then he just took on...

01:25:00.000 I mean, he totally talks different.

01:25:01.000 But then he took on this thing.

01:25:03.000 And he's a very nice guy.

01:25:04.000 I've only hung out with him once.

01:25:06.000 But he was a very nice guy.

01:25:07.000 He was back in the 1990s.

01:25:09.000 We did Montreal together.

01:25:10.000 We hung out at Comedy Works.

01:25:12.000 And he sent us some...

01:25:14.000 His potato chips.

01:25:16.000 He listens to the podcast.

01:25:18.000 And he sent us some...

01:25:19.000 They're potato chips that taste like hamburgers.

01:25:23.000 Wow.

01:25:23.000 It tastes like cheese, mustard, a burger.

01:25:27.000 It's a trip.

01:25:29.000 You're eating it and you're like, this is so strange.

01:25:31.000 It's like you're getting all these different flavors.

01:25:33.000 And then you're like, how quick does this cause cancer? 1.00

01:25:37.000 There's nothing even remotely natural about that shit. 0.99

01:25:42.000 Dude, you know what I just saw on Reddit that reminds me of? 1.00

01:25:44.000 But it's delicious. 0.99

01:25:45.000 Goddamn. 0.95

01:25:46.000 I just saw on Reddit. 0.99

01:25:47.000 If you can fight off the cancer, it's worth it. 1.00

01:25:49.000 Take fucking Cool Ranch Doritos. 0.99

01:25:52.000 Someone took Cool Ranch Doritos and put it into a salt grinder. 1.00

01:25:56.000 And the caption was, enjoy the rest of your life.

01:25:59.000 Because you can now, everything tastes like Cool Ranch Doritos.

01:26:04.000 That's a great idea.

01:26:05.000 Get like a mortar and pestle. 0.99

01:26:07.000 Do it like alchemy and shit. 0.99

01:26:09.000 Just infinite Cool Ranch flavor on everything. 1.00

01:26:11.000 Wow.

01:26:12.000 Yeah, man.

01:26:13.000 That would be delicious on chicken or something like that.

01:26:15.000 You know, like if you fried chicken. 1.00

01:26:17.000 No shit, man. 0.99

01:26:18.000 Like chicken breasts with cool, instead of breadcrumbs, you put cool ranch potato chips all over the outside of it. 0.99

01:26:24.000 It'd be good on anything.

01:26:25.000 That sounds so yummy.

01:26:27.000 That sounds really good.

01:26:28.000 It'd be good on a turd. 0.53

01:26:30.000 No, it wouldn't.

01:26:31.000 No, you're right.

01:26:32.000 No, it wouldn't.

01:26:34.000 But man, this thing about schtick, this gets into metaphysics, and this gets into a place that I think about all the time, which is how much of what human beings, day to day, that people are doing is a schtick.

01:26:46.000 In the same way that comics have this thing, how many times do you run into someone who's got this thing going on, which is their personality, their ego, this thing that they're clinging to or putting out front that isn't even them at all?

01:26:59.000 Well, how many people do that in the guise of a radio personality?

01:27:03.000 I mean, isn't that like the ultimate goof, the radio personality?

01:27:07.000 I was listening to Opie and Anthony today, and they do a thing called Jocktober, where they go after hacky radio people, and they start talking like them and mocking their act!

01:27:17.000 It's that?

01:27:18.000 It's the strip club DJ? Yes.

01:27:20.000 That's the thing.

01:27:21.000 They go into the, hey ladies, get yourself some $15 kamikazes. 1.00

01:27:26.000 Come on up to the stage.

01:27:28.000 Girls drink for free. 1.00

01:27:29.000 Guys, ladies night. 0.73

01:27:31.000 And then the president.

01:27:33.000 Yeah, very much so.

01:27:34.000 When you speak in front of great groups of people, you must take on a different inflection.

01:27:42.000 We as a nation!

01:27:43.000 You can't just talk to them.

01:27:45.000 This is what I think we need to do.

01:27:47.000 I think this country's crazy. 1.00

01:27:49.000 We gotta change some shit. 1.00

01:27:50.000 What? 1.00

01:27:50.000 What are you saying? 1.00

01:27:51.000 You're not presidential. 0.92

01:27:52.000 Yeah, you could say the same thing in a normal way, and it would seem really fucking weird.

01:27:57.000 What my opponent thinks...

01:27:58.000 You know what, my opponent just thinks that, uh, taxes are too high, and I disagree.

01:28:05.000 Does not concern me.

01:28:06.000 What concerns me is the good will of the American people.

01:28:10.000 What concerns me is the prosperity of the American nation.

01:28:14.000 I just want people to be nicer to each other and make more money.

01:28:17.000 What concerns me is seeing more Made in America stickers on goods.

01:28:22.000 Yes!

01:28:23.000 Yes!

01:28:25.000 Why do we allow it?

01:28:27.000 But keep bringing that down.

01:28:28.000 There's personality types.

01:28:30.000 This is where you get into certain personality types where you'll run into specific groups of people who all act exactly the same.

01:28:39.000 Like goths, people who are into certain bands.

01:28:42.000 They all act They all share this similar personality.

01:28:46.000 And in cults, one of the aspects of cults is that everyone in the cult kind of acts the same way.

01:28:54.000 And the way they're acting like is like the leader.

01:28:56.000 So it gets really interesting when you start considering to yourself how much of what I'm doing Is a shtick?

01:29:04.000 Or how much of what I'm doing is just imitated from someone else, whether it's my parents when I was a kid?

01:29:10.000 Accents.

01:29:10.000 Accents, exactly.

01:29:11.000 Even the way we inflect on words.

01:29:13.000 I didn't even realize how heavy my Boston accent was until I started seeing myself on television.

01:29:19.000 I saw myself on television when I was 19 after a Taekwondo tournament.

01:29:22.000 I heard my accent.

01:29:22.000 I was like, oh my god, I've got to stop that.

01:29:25.000 And I've slowly removed it.

01:29:27.000 You have to hear it.

01:29:28.000 You have to hear it to realize you're even saying it. 1.00

01:29:30.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy, man. 0.99

01:29:33.000 We just imitate our atmosphere. 0.99

01:29:35.000 It's fun to chase that thing back.

01:29:39.000 And this is where psychedelics are really useful is because you begin to start contemplating, well, who is behind all this?

01:29:46.000 Who's behind the accent?

01:29:47.000 Do you ever just think, where do my words come from? 0.99

01:29:50.000 I think it's all cool motherfuckers that other people copied. 0.99

01:29:54.000 That's where the accent is. 0.98

01:29:56.000 I mean, there must have been... 0.99

01:29:57.000 One cool motherfucker in Kentucky that just knew how to talk in a way that just seemed badass. 1.00

01:30:03.000 This motherfucker didn't give a fuck, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:30:05.000 He just sat there with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and said, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:30:10.000 And everybody in the neighborhood was like, man, I want to be like that dude. 0.99

01:30:13.000 And they all just sort of took on that inflection.

01:30:16.000 Well, remember when a movie would come out when you were in elementary school?

01:30:19.000 But obviously that's not true.

01:30:20.000 It's not like one guy.

01:30:21.000 It's not a patient zero when it comes to accents.

01:30:23.000 You know, it's some kind of collaboration between groups of cool people.

01:30:27.000 Sure.

01:30:27.000 But, you know, when a movie would come out and you would be in elementary school and then some catchphrase from that movie would suddenly go rushing through elementary school again.

01:30:36.000 I'm Rick James, bitch! 1.00

01:30:38.000 Yes! 1.00

01:30:38.000 Yes, exactly. 1.00

01:30:39.000 Where just kind of like a wildfire goes through idiots and they just imitate and imitate and imitate. 1.00

01:30:45.000 They can't help it. 1.00

01:30:46.000 They can't help it.

01:30:47.000 Yeah.

01:30:47.000 And this is the big question.

01:30:50.000 This is like...

01:30:51.000 But it's also fun.

01:30:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:53.000 It's human. 1.00

01:30:54.000 I mean, God damn. 1.00

01:30:55.000 Everyone's guilty of it, man. 1.00

01:30:57.000 I'm Rick James, bitch! 1.00

01:30:58.000 There's no way to avoid it. 1.00

01:30:59.000 You're going to do it.

01:31:00.000 People love saying that.

01:31:01.000 No, there seems to be a prevalence of people saying boo right now.

01:31:05.000 Boo? 1.00

01:31:06.000 And also, you've started some shit, man. 1.00

01:31:08.000 What? 1.00

01:31:08.000 You've started Powerful. 1.00

01:31:09.000 Powerful's beautiful.

01:31:10.000 I get Powerful tweets all the time.

01:31:12.000 Powerful Duncan Trump.

01:31:12.000 Don't complain about that.

01:31:14.000 You can't worry too much about things.

01:31:15.000 I'm not complaining about it. 0.99

01:31:16.000 We don't enjoy shit like Powerful. 0.99

01:31:17.000 I'm not complaining about it. 0.99

01:31:18.000 I think it's great, but I'm saying it's interesting to see how...

01:31:21.000 Certain behaviors, micro behaviors get imitated and echoed throughout society.

01:31:28.000 It's very interesting.

01:31:29.000 It is fascinating.

01:31:30.000 It is.

01:31:31.000 It's very interesting.

01:31:33.000 It's very interesting that we sort of amalgamate, we sort of take in from all sorts of different sources around us that we like, all the different things that we like.

01:31:42.000 It's always a problem with comics as well.

01:31:44.000 You see certain comics that are just doing Doug Stanhope.

01:31:47.000 How many guys have you seen that were opening for Doug?

01:31:50.000 I don't know if you ever went to one of Doug's shows.

01:31:52.000 But years ago, especially, he would have guys open for him and they were essentially doing Stanhope.

01:31:56.000 And I was like, Jesus Christ, you got you before you, buddy. 0.95

01:31:59.000 This is ridiculous. 0.98

01:32:01.000 It's super common. 0.74

01:32:02.000 There was a million Attels for a while.

01:32:04.000 They were just huge fans of Attel and they couldn't even help it.

01:32:07.000 They started talking like Dave.

01:32:10.000 They just found themselves doing it.

01:32:13.000 You don't even realize it. 0.99

01:32:15.000 It's fucking incredible, man. 0.99

01:32:16.000 It's like you get thumbprinted by reality in that way. 0.99

01:32:21.000 It goes way back.

01:32:24.000 I just had my mom as a shrink on the podcast. 1.00

01:32:28.000 She was talking about the effect that she thinks what happens when you were a kid, like getting your dick snipped off, like you were saying, has on the rest of your life. 1.00

01:32:36.000 It has a huge effect. 1.00

01:32:39.000 You get thumbprinted by your parents, by the subjective DNA of your parents gets thumbprinted into you.

01:32:45.000 And then you spend the rest of your life in this kind of strange hypnotic trance, not knowing why you're doing what you're doing.

01:32:53.000 And that, I think, is the beginning of, you know, when you're talking about dumb people or people who are absorbed into some religious structure, I think the beginning of humanness starts when you start thinking about, wait, what am I really? 0.99

01:33:08.000 What's behind this fucking mask? 0.98

01:33:10.000 What's behind the behavior mechanisms that I picked up from my folks or from movies or from influential friends or from whatever? 1.00

01:33:18.000 What's the being residing behind all that shit? 0.99

01:33:22.000 And that, I think, is when you stop being a machine or start waking up a little bit. 1.00

01:33:26.000 But until then, you might as well be a fucking brain in a goddamn Commodore 64. Yeah, or you just enjoy this fucking weird existence and marvel at all the mystery of it all and just sort of try to take it in and just enjoy it. 0.99

01:33:42.000 Because if you try to get down to your core all day, every day, you're going to miss what's enjoyable about the experience. 0.85

01:33:51.000 I don't necessarily know if we're ever going to figure out what's Motivating us, pushing us in one way or another.

01:34:00.000 Why do you talk the way you talk?

01:34:02.000 Who are you?

01:34:03.000 But I do love the fact that there's so many variables.

01:34:07.000 I do love a guy like Joey Diaz.

01:34:09.000 I do love how Ari is so much different than Joey.

01:34:12.000 Brian's so much different than me.

01:34:13.000 We're all just weird personalities that have come about Through a whole bunch of different scenarios, a bunch of different ways to live a life, you know, and different locations and different problems and challenges and different genetics. 0.99

01:34:29.000 It's a fucking trip, man. 0.99

01:34:31.000 The human experience to get from point A to Duncan Trussell at 37 years old is a wild, crazy fucking road. 1.00

01:34:39.000 And everyone's road is unique and different and creates a different result. 0.81

01:34:44.000 Have you heard the term dependent origination?

01:34:48.000 No.

01:34:49.000 It's a Buddhist term, and the term is that there is nothing independent.

01:34:55.000 There's nothing independent of it.

01:34:57.000 There's no thing that isn't related to some other thing in the universe, which creates this kind of tapestry.

01:35:03.000 That makes sense.

01:35:04.000 So the example that, you know, of course, the beer, this beer bottle is not by itself.

01:35:09.000 It comes from sand.

01:35:10.000 It's just what you're seeing here is in the flow of time, Yeah.

01:35:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:35:24.000 hundred years from now, this fucking thing is going to be sand again. 0.99

01:35:26.000 So what you're watching right now is just a moment of this thing's true existence. 0.96

01:35:31.000 And in the same way, you and Joey Diaz and Brian and me and everyone listening to this are just one moat, One moment of beingness in this web that for us traces all the way back apparently to nuclear fusion inside of stars, which has gone through infinite time until it's finally manifested in the form of whatever the particulates.

01:35:53.000 Yeah, exactly!

01:35:55.000 Which, for a moment in time, for a moment in time, that little bit of the tapestry...

01:36:00.000 We'll be on stage at the Ice House tonight. 0.95

01:36:01.000 Cocksuckers! 1.00

01:36:01.000 After 10.30. 1.00

01:36:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:02.000 But it's already sold out, bitch. 1.00

01:36:04.000 That's cool. 0.98

01:36:05.000 Yeah, it's an amazing connection that we have to everything that's ever existed.

01:36:11.000 And we are part of some weird infinite cycle, as is the planet, as is the star that heats the planet.

01:36:16.000 All of these will end.

01:36:18.000 The universe won't.

01:36:19.000 This is but a blip.

01:36:20.000 Even the life of a star is but a blip in the life of the universe.

01:36:24.000 And they blow up all the time.

01:36:26.000 They said that there was a beautiful show on hypernovas.

01:36:29.000 They were talking about when they first started detecting gamma ray bursts in the galaxy.

01:36:33.000 They didn't know what was going on.

01:36:35.000 They thought it was possible that we were under attack by an alien race because there was these huge bursts of energy that were happening all throughout the universe.

01:36:45.000 So they thought it was possible that there were actually alien wars at one point in time.

01:36:49.000 That was something that was being considered until they understood the mechanism behind NOVA's.

01:36:55.000 Crazy.

01:36:56.000 They're happening all the time.

01:36:58.000 They're just blowing out. 1.00

01:36:59.000 There are so many fucking stars. 0.99

01:37:02.000 We can't even... 0.98

01:37:03.000 You've got to go, in your lifetime, to the Keck Observatory in Hawaii.

01:37:08.000 If you've never been there, it's one of the highest observatories, and it's above the clouds.

01:37:13.000 It's really wild, because you're driving.

01:37:16.000 It's on the Big Island, and you drive.

01:37:18.000 It's a long-ass drive.

01:37:19.000 It's like a two-hour drive up the mountain.

01:37:21.000 And as you're driving, you hit clouds. 1.00

01:37:23.000 And you're like, fuck man, we're not going to be able to see shit. 0.99

01:37:26.000 We took this big drive up here, but we're not going to be able to see shit because there's all these clouds. 1.00

01:37:30.000 Then you drive past the clouds. 0.95

01:37:32.000 And you get up there and you go, oh my god.

01:37:37.000 Because first of all, you're at 13,000 feet.

01:37:40.000 And second of all, there's no light pollution on the island.

01:37:43.000 They have these diffusers on all these lamps.

01:37:46.000 So when you look at...

01:37:47.000 You don't even have to look through a telescope, dude.

01:37:49.000 You just look up when you're at the observatory and you're like, Oh my God!

01:37:53.000 The Milky Way is insane!

01:37:56.000 And it makes you so angry that you can't see that every day.

01:37:59.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:38:00.000 Like, if we didn't have these greedy-ass fucking cities with lights everywhere and driving around with headlights, if we could have just for one hour or a couple hours of one day, maybe just like one night a year where everyone shuts all the power off for three hours. 0.99

01:38:18.000 And we all, from 6 to 9 p.m. 0.99

01:38:20.000 Central, remember, tonight is...

01:38:23.000 You know, Star Appreciation Night.

01:38:25.000 And we all shut out all the powers.

01:38:27.000 In cities?

01:38:27.000 Yeah, they've tried that a few times.

01:38:29.000 Where?

01:38:30.000 I'll look it up.

01:38:31.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:32.000 Good.

01:38:32.000 Great idea.

01:38:33.000 See?

01:38:33.000 I'm behind the times.

01:38:34.000 Somebody started up.

01:38:35.000 But if we did that, and you could see that, we would have so many people that would be so much more in awe of space.

01:38:43.000 And so much more interested in the...

01:38:45.000 Especially children.

01:38:46.000 Interested in the idea of pursuing astronomy or...

01:38:49.000 Or pursuing rocketry or working for NASA or something.

01:38:53.000 Our appreciation for funding things like NASA and the Hubble telescope and new telescopes and the Keck Observatory and all that stuff would be so much more appreciated if we could see the majesty of the stars.

01:39:09.000 We've robbed ourselves of that with cities.

01:39:13.000 The light.

01:39:14.000 We don't even realize it because we've grown up with these things.

01:39:16.000 But all that light all the time has robbed us of really the most amazing thing you could ever see.

01:39:22.000 And one of the most humbling things I've ever seen in my life.

01:39:25.000 I've had psychedelic experiences that didn't affect me as much as looking at those stars.

01:39:30.000 Because I remember that night I couldn't sleep.

01:39:32.000 I remember I got back to the hotel room and I was just lying in bed staring up at the ceiling thinking how insane that thing was and that that's up there all the time and I can't see it.

01:39:41.000 And it really hit home the feeling.

01:39:45.000 That was when I really started pushing the idea of the planet as an organic spaceship.

01:39:50.000 That's when I really started talking about it.

01:39:52.000 That's when I came up with that whole bit about explaining that we're on a rock hurling through the universe.

01:39:58.000 How insane it is to pay attention to the Grand Canyon.

01:40:01.000 You know that bit?

01:40:02.000 It's like there's people out there, look how deep the Grand Canyon is.

01:40:04.000 Meanwhile, above you is infinity.

01:40:08.000 Did you see the Graham Hancock video that he posted on his information website of the sound of the earth from space?

01:40:16.000 Yes, I did.

01:40:16.000 I got that off of Twitter.

01:40:17.000 And it sounds like dolphins.

01:40:18.000 Dude, it's the radio waves.

01:40:20.000 It's the radio waves that the radiation belts.

01:40:24.000 Yeah.

01:40:25.000 But it sounds alive.

01:40:25.000 It sounds like dolphins.

01:40:27.000 It sounds like chirping whales. 0.97

01:40:29.000 Yeah, Brian, pull that up because it's fucking trippy. 1.00

01:40:31.000 Are you drinking a rock star, you fucking rock star? 1.00

01:40:34.000 Yeah, by the way, it's called Earth Hour. 1.00

01:40:37.000 It's actually one hour a year that everyone's supposed to just turn off all their power except for the refrigerator for an hour.

01:40:44.000 Really?

01:40:45.000 Yeah.

01:40:45.000 That's cool.

01:40:46.000 LA doesn't do that shit. 1.00

01:40:47.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:40:49.000 I gotta do coke! 1.00

01:40:50.000 What was the shit that you want me to look at? 0.99

01:40:52.000 It's on Graham Hancock's site. 0.99

01:40:53.000 He's got this newsletter.

01:40:55.000 I don't know the exact link.

01:40:56.000 Just look up, scientists find the sound of the earth.

01:41:01.000 Yeah, it'll pop up right away.

01:41:03.000 It sounds like chirping dolphins.

01:41:05.000 Or whales.

01:41:06.000 Yeah.

01:41:07.000 Yeah, and it's apparently the sound of the radiation belts make a sound that's like, it wavers.

01:41:16.000 Yeah.

01:41:17.000 Yeah.

01:41:21.000 Yeah, we're weird, man.

01:41:23.000 I think it's just a matter of time before we get contacted by something that's more intelligent than us.

01:41:33.000 I've been thinking that more and more lately.

01:41:35.000 I think if there is something out there that's more intelligent than human beings, it's going to have to contact us really soon.

01:41:43.000 Because we're like real close.

01:41:45.000 Well, this is the thing, man. 0.99

01:41:47.000 I can't remember who fucking said this. 0.96

01:41:49.000 One of these singularity people said, humankind's first contact with an extraterrestrial, or with rather an alien intelligence, is going to be a machine that's woken up. 0.98

01:41:59.000 And that's going to be our first experience with it, is something we made.

01:42:05.000 Instead of...

01:42:06.000 Instead of a thing from space.

01:42:07.000 Well, it's possible.

01:42:09.000 It's possible.

01:42:10.000 It is possible that we're at the high...

01:42:12.000 I mean, there was one recent Harvard astronomer that decided after looking at 500 different stars that we may be the only thing out there and that there's so little life or evidence of life in these planets, these 500 different planets, rather, that they've observed.

01:42:30.000 But I think that's ridiculous.

01:42:31.000 I do, too. 0.98

01:42:32.000 And most ridiculous because... 0.98

01:42:33.000 He is coming from a planet that has life. 0.97

01:42:37.000 That's one of those 500. So it's not that there's nothing in 500. No, you found one dummy and you're on it.

01:42:43.000 There's one and you found 500 that don't, but you found one that does. 1.00

01:42:47.000 You have to add that in, stupid. 1.00

01:42:50.000 You don't just go looking for another one. 1.00

01:42:53.000 And if the other one, you can't find it.

01:42:54.000 Well, they don't exist.

01:42:56.000 Meanwhile, you are one.

01:42:57.000 That doesn't make any sense. 1.00

01:42:58.000 And also, man, that creek bed in Mars, that shit gives me goosebumps. 0.99

01:43:02.000 When I see pictures of the fucking gravel in Mars from water flowing on Mars, I just think about what that must have looked like on that planet with Martian water rolling through whatever it was rolling through. 0.99

01:43:15.000 I think there was probably life on Mars. 0.97

01:43:18.000 Yeah, Brian, pull up How Earth Sounds from Space on YouTube and it'll freak you. 0.99

01:43:27.000 These fucking loud ass people interfering with our podcast, yelling on the street. 0.99

01:43:31.000 We got no sound proofing here at the Ice House. 1.00

01:43:35.000 How Earth Sounds from Space.

01:43:38.000 It's on YouTube.

01:43:38.000 It shows the Earth itself.

01:43:40.000 You see like cloud formations and shit. 0.96

01:43:48.000 No, that's not the one. 0.97

01:43:50.000 That's not the most recent one.

01:43:51.000 That's the one I'm looking for.

01:43:53.000 Yeah.

01:43:53.000 Let me see.

01:43:54.000 Let me look up GrahamHancock.com.

01:43:57.000 How was that movie you saw last night, Joe? 0.98

01:43:59.000 Fucking awesome. 0.99

01:44:00.000 What is this? 0.99

01:44:01.000 Looper.

01:44:02.000 Oh, good.

01:44:03.000 I'm glad that's good.

01:44:04.000 Oh my god, is it good?

01:44:05.000 It's not just good.

01:44:06.000 It's like one of the best movies I think I've ever seen. 0.99

01:44:10.000 It was a really good fucking movie. 0.98

01:44:13.000 I can't find the sound, man. 0.99

01:44:14.000 I don't know where it is.

01:44:15.000 Anyway, go find it, folks.

01:44:17.000 It's on my Twitter. 0.99

01:44:17.000 Why don't I just look on my own fucking Twitter? 0.99

01:44:20.000 Stupid ass. 1.00

01:44:21.000 I'm so dumb. 1.00

01:44:25.000 The Looper movie's really fucking good. 1.00

01:44:28.000 It's really good writing. 0.96

01:44:29.000 I didn't know anything about it, which makes me happy.

01:44:32.000 Is it one of those mind benders where your brain feels like it's getting stretched out because it's so...

01:44:37.000 No, you know, it wasn't.

01:44:38.000 That was the thing.

01:44:39.000 They managed to avoid all sorts.

01:44:45.000 If you go to my Twitter, Brian, I found it.

01:44:48.000 If you pull up, there's a tweet.

01:44:51.000 I retweeted a gentleman named Aaron Rodriguez.

01:44:53.000 Aaron Rodriguez.

01:44:54.000 Congratulations.

01:44:55.000 You are the guy who gets mentioned on the podcast.

01:44:57.000 Aaron Rodriguez.

01:44:58.000 Aaron Rodriguez.

01:44:58.000 And it says, apparently the Van Allen radiation belt sings like a whale.

01:45:03.000 Nothing to fear, guys.

01:45:04.000 And it's 22 hours ago.

01:45:06.000 I retweeted it.

01:45:07.000 So find that, son.

01:45:09.000 Son!

01:45:11.000 What was I saying?

01:45:12.000 You were talking about...

01:45:14.000 I don't remember what you were talking about before that, man. 0.99

01:45:16.000 You fucking lost me. 0.98

01:45:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:45:21.000 Oh, well.

01:45:21.000 Oh, there it is.

01:45:23.000 That's our planet That's so creepy Sounds like it's calling a dog.

01:45:31.000 You know what? 1.00

01:45:32.000 It's calling other planets saying, this place is filled with cunts. 0.99

01:45:36.000 Help me! 0.98

01:45:37.000 Sounds like a bunch of crickets and birds. 0.99

01:45:38.000 We have cunts with nuclear bombs. 1.00

01:45:42.000 Don't fuck with it, Brian. 1.00

01:45:44.000 Brian. 1.00

01:45:45.000 Where's the end of it? 0.99

01:45:46.000 I don't think that fucking thing... 0.99

01:45:48.000 That thing does not sound... 0.99

01:45:49.000 That does not sound like a defenseless thing to me. 0.76

01:45:52.000 That sounds like a thing that could just jump out of the woods and bite your head off. 0.61

01:45:56.000 Well, it's not a real sound.

01:45:58.000 You know, it's radio waves.

01:45:59.000 So we've sort of interpreted them as a sound, as I understand it.

01:46:02.000 I don't think it's actually the sound.

01:46:04.000 Yeah, if you stuck your head out of the space shuttle, you wouldn't hear that.

01:46:06.000 Yeah.

01:46:07.000 Because your head would get wiped off.

01:46:10.000 Yeah.

01:46:10.000 You probably would hear that, actually.

01:46:12.000 Yeah, you wouldn't hear shit. 1.00

01:46:13.000 Your head would freeze and explode instantly. 0.99

01:46:16.000 Isn't that crazy that you would just freeze instantly in space?

01:46:20.000 Yeah.

01:46:20.000 You just couldn't live.

01:46:22.000 Yeah.

01:46:24.000 Is that someone at the door?

01:46:25.000 Yeah.

01:46:25.000 Who is it?

01:46:27.000 Who is it? 0.99

01:46:29.000 Who's motherfuckers keep interrupting? 0.99

01:46:31.000 I think because the comedy show starts in 30 minutes. 0.99

01:46:34.000 It's part of comics.

01:46:35.000 But comics would just come back here and not say anything.

01:46:38.000 Hold on.

01:46:40.000 Ooh.

01:46:43.000 Duncan.

01:46:44.000 Yes, Brian.

01:46:45.000 How are you doing?

01:46:47.000 Where are you at next?

01:46:48.000 Are you going out of town?

01:46:49.000 I'm going to Vancouver this weekend.

01:46:51.000 Oh, lucky.

01:46:52.000 Are you playing at that hotel?

01:46:53.000 Yeah.

01:46:53.000 Comedy club?

01:46:54.000 What's it called again?

01:46:55.000 The Comedy Mix.

01:46:56.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:46:56.000 I answered my own question.

01:46:58.000 It's Joey Diaz.

01:46:59.000 I knew it was.

01:47:00.000 Because Joey's the type of guy that just tries doors.

01:47:03.000 He doesn't knock.

01:47:03.000 The door's unlocked and I'll stay stealthy.

01:47:06.000 Keep it on the down low, cocksucker. 1.00

01:47:11.000 Joey! 1.00

01:47:12.000 It's an audio rendering of radio waves.

01:47:15.000 Right.

01:47:15.000 That's what it is.

01:47:16.000 Yeah, it doesn't really sound like that.

01:47:17.000 Captured by probes. 0.87

01:47:19.000 That's still fucking weird. 0.96

01:47:22.000 Lock that door to keep out the stalkers or something. 0.99

01:47:27.000 What's going on, buddy?

01:47:29.000 You know me, dog.

01:47:30.000 You know me.

01:47:31.000 Keeping it beautiful.

01:47:32.000 Did you lock it?

01:47:34.000 What do you got, man?

01:47:35.000 All right. 0.83

01:47:37.000 We're here for another sold-out show tonight at the Ice House in Pasadena, ladies and gentlemen, where we sling comedy dick on a regular basis. 0.99

01:47:45.000 And, you know, we got a lot of people come back, so we try to come up with as much new shit as possible. 0.98

01:47:51.000 And I'm going to be doing a lot on the Earth Singing Like a Whale. 0.97

01:47:55.000 That's my new book.

01:47:55.000 Are you?

01:47:56.000 No.

01:47:56.000 I don't think there's any material.

01:47:58.000 I am doing a whole chunk on S&M tonight.

01:48:00.000 Are you really?

01:48:01.000 Yes, I am.

01:48:01.000 I can't wait to hear it.

01:48:03.000 You better not use any of my stories, you fuck. 1.00

01:48:06.000 What as an M story do you have? 1.00

01:48:07.000 I know. 1.00

01:48:07.000 I got all those fucking things. 1.00

01:48:09.000 Oh. 1.00

01:48:10.000 You do not?

01:48:11.000 Ball gag stories.

01:48:13.000 You have no ball gag stories.

01:48:15.000 And that's a shame.

01:48:17.000 No.

01:48:17.000 I operate on a different level than you.

01:48:19.000 I don't know if it's the right level.

01:48:22.000 Well, I'm not saying it is.

01:48:23.000 But it's definitely a different level.

01:48:25.000 It's a different level. 1.00

01:48:26.000 You're into some shit. 1.00

01:48:29.000 On occasion. 1.00

01:48:29.000 Let's make sure we say on occasion. 1.00

01:48:31.000 You're into some shit that makes me uncomfortable as a man. 0.99

01:48:33.000 I'm not afraid to experiment. 1.00

01:48:35.000 About what?

01:48:36.000 He's judging me because from time to time I popped a ball gag into a lady's mouth. 0.81

01:48:41.000 And you wore diapers.

01:48:43.000 I never did that.

01:48:44.000 You made that up.

01:48:45.000 You know I would not judge you, Duncan.

01:48:47.000 I would never judge you.

01:48:48.000 I love you exactly the way you are.

01:48:50.000 I don't want you to change even slightly.

01:48:52.000 But the ball gag thing bothers me.

01:48:54.000 I did it like four times!

01:49:00.000 He says that like it's totally normal.

01:49:02.000 Like the first time, I'm like, well, I'm still intrigued by this ball gag business.

01:49:06.000 Let me try it again.

01:49:07.000 Joey, sit in with us, man.

01:49:08.000 What are you doing?

01:49:10.000 You're like, what?

01:49:12.000 Oh, okay.

01:49:13.000 Okay.

01:49:13.000 See you in a minute.

01:49:15.000 Joey Diaz, ladies and gentlemen.

01:49:16.000 In and out.

01:49:17.000 He's here.

01:49:18.000 He's gone.

01:49:18.000 He's here for our sold-out show, The Bazzadino.

01:49:22.000 Welcome to my radio voice!

01:49:27.000 So Opie and Anthony attacked these guys on what they call Jocktober.

01:49:30.000 They do it every year, apparently. 0.94

01:49:31.000 It was fucking so funny because it was Opie and Anthony. 0.95

01:49:35.000 It was, who else was on? 0.98

01:49:36.000 Tom Papa was in there.

01:49:40.000 Who else was in there?

01:49:42.000 I don't know.

01:49:42.000 It was just, you know, that show is always like a bunch of people.

01:49:46.000 Yes.

01:49:46.000 Like all piled in together.

01:49:48.000 And it was really fucking funny. 0.81

01:49:50.000 And then within half an hour, an hour of them doing it, the radio station took down their Facebook page. 0.98

01:49:56.000 Because the ONA savages had started attacking the Facebook page and shitting all over it. 1.00

01:50:01.000 Fucking going bananas and telling them they all should drown in AIDS and shit like that. 1.00

01:50:07.000 That's just so funny. 1.00

01:50:10.000 I mean, I just fucking love that they're so sensitive. 0.94

01:50:15.000 They took down their Facebook page. 0.67

01:50:16.000 Look, this is what happened.

01:50:18.000 You got goofed on.

01:50:19.000 You should have been goofed on a long time ago.

01:50:21.000 And then you would have never done that radio voice.

01:50:24.000 I think they train in that voice.

01:50:26.000 I think that there's schools where people train to talk like that.

01:50:30.000 Yeah, you just choose like strip club or radio voice or weather person.

01:50:35.000 You know what Anthony was saying?

01:50:36.000 Anthony was saying that they made them...

01:50:39.000 It was Anthony or opening, I forget.

01:50:40.000 They were all talking about it, how the guy actually said...

01:50:45.000 I want you to visualize who your audience is.

01:50:48.000 Just, you know, take a picture out of a magazine that represents that guy, you know, your blue-collar guy, and just put that up there on the wall, and you know, that's the guy you're talking to.

01:50:57.000 That's your guy.

01:50:58.000 You know, when Anthony was saying that he put up John Casey, it was really That's great.

01:51:05.000 But it's like that happens whenever you get a producer involved and someone who's a non-creative person involved in trying to shape your radio personality.

01:51:18.000 What we're going to do, man, is just tighten up your image.

01:51:21.000 You need a thumb ring.

01:51:22.000 Have you thought about a nose ring?

01:51:24.000 Thumb ring?

01:51:25.000 Nose rings?

01:51:26.000 Yeah.

01:51:26.000 Yeah, man!

01:51:27.000 Thumb rings! 0.90

01:51:28.000 Anthony Bourdain is the only guy that I've ever met that used to wear a thumb ring that's not a douchebag.

01:51:35.000 He's a cool guy, and he has a thumb ring, and I'd watch him on the show, and I'm like, man, I just gotta talk to him about that ring, and we're gonna be fine.

01:51:41.000 Or toe rings.

01:51:43.000 A dude with a toe ring? 1.00

01:51:44.000 Get the fuck out of here! 1.00

01:51:45.000 I've seen that before. 1.00

01:51:46.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:51:48.000 And the tattoo around the belly button, that's another one. 1.00

01:51:50.000 Dudes get bored.

01:51:51.000 I can see tattooing your belly button.

01:51:52.000 That's just a bored issue, but not a toe ring. 0.99

01:51:55.000 Did you see that shit on Reddit of the guy who had rim job tattooed on his face, like right on his mouth, on his mustache? 0.99

01:52:02.000 Really? 1.00

01:52:03.000 It's the saddest thing.

01:52:04.000 It looks like he's been crying.

01:52:05.000 Like, it's him and some other guy. 1.00

01:52:07.000 They're both obviously fucked up and one of them has some shit tattoo on his forehead. 1.00

01:52:11.000 But the other guy is right under his nose. 1.00

01:52:14.000 Rim job.

01:52:15.000 I think there's a lot of people that are just incredibly self-destructive.

01:52:18.000 Yeah.

01:52:18.000 What is that?

01:52:19.000 Is that like us losing our natural reward system with hunter and gathering and being stuck into some weird fucking environment where we're taking pills and trying to overcome reality with pharmaceutical drugs and sedate ourselves through shit jobs and boring meaningless existences as a cog in the wheel and then you just go crazy, substance abuse, tattoo your face. 0.99

01:52:42.000 It's like the human version of pigs in slaughterhouses that start chewing off their own legs because they're too close to each other. 0.99

01:52:50.000 You just end up going into some... 0.99

01:52:51.000 But also a lot of times when people do that shit outside of the guy who did a rim job, a lot of times when people fuck up their body, they're doing it because they want... 0.97

01:53:02.000 i think i think that they're like writing rim job on your face no not that i said except for that guy but like the people who like just fucking like put in the like hang themselves from their nipples or like people who do the ear the big ear holes you think they're looking for certain types of girls and that's what it is i think it's a mating pattern some of it for sure it is the ear thing is i would have never saw that coming me either i met a lot of cool people that have it too and And I don't want to judge them. 0.98

01:53:26.000 I don't want to judge them. 1.00

01:53:27.000 But that's a fucking... 0.99

01:53:29.000 It's a trippy thing. 1.00

01:53:30.000 You got a fucking toilet paper roll in your ear, son. 1.00

01:53:33.000 Did you see that prank? 1.00

01:53:34.000 Or maybe it was just...

01:53:35.000 It was an idea for a prank.

01:53:36.000 It's awful.

01:53:37.000 But it's like you sneak up on one of those guys with a...

01:53:41.000 Lock and put it in the ear hole and lock it so then they've got a lock locked into their ear.

01:53:47.000 I think I saw a video of it or someone suggesting someone do that.

01:53:50.000 Whoa.

01:53:51.000 It's brutal.

01:53:51.000 That's horrific, man.

01:53:52.000 Because then you'd have to get it clipped.

01:53:54.000 That's horrific.

01:53:55.000 It's a dangerous thing, man.

01:53:56.000 It's not a strategic thing to have giant holes in your ears.

01:54:00.000 It's dangerous.

01:54:01.000 Yeah, but what if you ripped it off and then beat the guy to death with it? 0.51

01:54:05.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:54:05.000 You could do that, too. 0.93

01:54:06.000 Well, you would deserve it, probably. 0.99

01:54:08.000 It's a shitty move. 1.00

01:54:09.000 Yeah, locking someone, putting a lock in someone's fucking ear. 1.00

01:54:12.000 You better know the combination, bitch. 1.00

01:54:13.000 That's a rude prank. 1.00

01:54:14.000 It's not.

01:54:16.000 I guess prank's the wrong word.

01:54:17.000 It's an assault.

01:54:18.000 An attack. 1.00

01:54:20.000 But yeah, all that shit, body modification, that thing where people in Korea, is it Korea that they're putting the donuts in their heads? 1.00

01:54:27.000 Head bagels. 1.00

01:54:29.000 What's going on?

01:54:30.000 It's like we're sick of our bodies or something, man.

01:54:34.000 We're taking these strange paths to make our bodies look different. 0.98

01:54:38.000 It's really fucking weird. 0.93

01:54:39.000 The lady just grew an ear off her arm, but that wasn't cosmetic. 1.00

01:54:43.000 That's because she had cancer. 0.97

01:54:45.000 Yeah, that's not related. 0.99

01:54:46.000 But yeah, there is a lot of weird shit that people do. 0.97

01:54:48.000 I say that, but then I have two sleeves of tattoos. 0.98

01:54:51.000 I have two arms that are covered in drawing.

01:54:54.000 Yeah, right.

01:54:55.000 I really can't talk. 0.97

01:54:57.000 No, I think two sleeves of tattoos is a fuckload cooler than having your head inflated.

01:55:01.000 Yeah, it's cooler, but it's still weird to the average person. 0.98

01:55:05.000 It doesn't want to sit there and have someone draw on them with a fucking scratchy needle that shoves ink under their skin just to make it look cool. 0.99

01:55:11.000 I want a fucking tattoo. 1.00

01:55:13.000 Ha ha ha ha! 1.00

01:55:14.000 What'd you get?

01:55:15.000 I don't know.

01:55:16.000 That's the problem, man.

01:55:17.000 It's tortured me for my whole life.

01:55:19.000 I'm always thinking about what it would be, and I don't know.

01:55:22.000 I'm hoping that when I go out to Brazil and slurp back some ayahuasca, it'll come to me.

01:55:26.000 I think Lil' Hobo.

01:55:27.000 Just Lil' Hobo. 1.00

01:55:28.000 It's a little sweet face on your arm. 1.00

01:55:29.000 Lil' Hobo with a giant dick, like Evil Boy, that is tattooed on the dude from... 1.00

01:55:35.000 Yeah, D'Antward. 1.00

01:55:37.000 Yeah, huge dick, but Lil' Hobo's face. 1.00

01:55:41.000 No. 1.00

01:55:41.000 No? 1.00

01:55:42.000 I don't like that tattoo, guys.

01:55:43.000 Veiny. 1.00

01:55:44.000 Big, veiny, giant dick. 1.00

01:55:45.000 Don't like that tattoo. 1.00

01:55:46.000 How about a black dick? 1.00

01:55:47.000 Nope. 1.00

01:55:48.000 How about a red dick to represent the American Indian being repressed but on a comeback? 1.00

01:55:51.000 Now you're speaking my language, Joe. 1.00

01:55:53.000 Now it means something. 1.00

01:55:53.000 A big, hard, red dick. 1.00

01:55:56.000 Like the Hulk if he was red. 1.00

01:55:59.000 You feel me on this?

01:56:00.000 Nothing?

01:56:01.000 I don't feel it. 0.99

01:56:01.000 Damn. 0.99

01:56:03.000 I felt like I was on a good path. 0.99

01:56:05.000 What about something from the Bhagavad Gita?

01:56:07.000 Is there like a... 0.99

01:56:09.000 But again, that shit all seems so fucking contrived. 0.99

01:56:14.000 A little bit. 1.00

01:56:15.000 I'm not going to look at my arm and be like, no!

01:56:18.000 How about Aleister Crowley on your shoulder? 1.00

01:56:21.000 Fuck that, man. 1.00

01:56:21.000 I have an Aleister Crowley poster and shit falls off my walls. 1.00

01:56:24.000 I don't want it on my body. 1.00

01:56:27.000 Some goddamn chaos... 1.00

01:56:29.000 There's a chaos magician named Frater Isla, I hope he doesn't care I said his name, who mails me like really weird occult shit, man. 0.99

01:56:39.000 Like, really strange, like... 0.96

01:56:43.000 He just sent me a demon summoning box where he's painted the front of it. 0.97

01:56:49.000 It sounds really dumb when I say it. 0.98

01:56:51.000 A demon summoning box? 0.98

01:56:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:56:54.000 Anyway, there's a lot of weird, there's a lot of strange shit out there, man. 0.98

01:56:58.000 But the point is, I would never want Crowley tattooed on my body. 0.96

01:57:02.000 There's a lot of people that have Terrence McKenna tattooed on them.

01:57:05.000 Pretty interesting.

01:57:06.000 I think that's pretty good.

01:57:08.000 I don't know, man.

01:57:09.000 I like more of something that's less specific.

01:57:12.000 You know, something that maybe has...

01:57:14.000 The Terrence McKenna tattoo is going to be real problematic if December 21st, 2012 rolls over and nothing happens.

01:57:20.000 Although he wasn't really convinced that anything was going to happen.

01:57:24.000 Well, everyone's got the...

01:57:25.000 I mean, there's a simple out for 2012, which is that it's a shift in the vibrational frequencies.

01:57:30.000 Well, no one's ever predicted anything, ever.

01:57:35.000 That's my problem with it.

01:57:37.000 No one's ever correctly predicted any huge change in the world ever.

01:57:43.000 No one's ever said, on this day, specifically to the day, the world will change forever.

01:57:51.000 They tried with Y2K. Yes.

01:57:54.000 Oh, God, that was crazy.

01:57:56.000 I wonder if people thought 1984 was going to be a big year because of the book.

01:58:03.000 Man, I remember.

01:58:04.000 Do you remember?

01:58:05.000 I don't know.

01:58:10.000 I don't remember that.

01:58:11.000 Well, 1984 is like nothing compared to what's really going on right now. 0.99

01:58:15.000 And your fucking phone is like a wireless GPS tracker that they can turn on and listen to you and record you talking anywhere you are. 1.00

01:58:22.000 Yeah, that shit. 1.00

01:58:23.000 We were so primitive back then, man. 1.00

01:58:26.000 Your phone had to plug into the wall.

01:58:28.000 Well, it's really interesting when you go back to the 1800s.

01:58:31.000 When was the War of the Worlds written?

01:58:34.000 I believe it was written in the 1800s, right?

01:58:36.000 I don't know.

01:58:36.000 It came out on the radio.

01:58:38.000 The radio was 1920s or 30s, I think.

01:58:41.000 I'll say 1923. Well, when Homeboy did it on the radio, Orson Welles, what year was that?

01:58:52.000 It was H.G. Wells, 1898. Oh, damn.

01:58:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:55.000 Wow. 1.00

01:58:55.000 And then Orson Welles did it, I think, in the early 1900s. 1.00

01:59:01.000 Hey! 0.99

01:59:02.000 Powerful Ian Edwards is here, ladies and gentlemen.

01:59:04.000 What's up, brother?

01:59:05.000 Good to see you, man.

01:59:07.000 What's up, man?

01:59:07.000 How you doing?

01:59:08.000 Have a seat.

01:59:08.000 Come on in.

01:59:09.000 Park it.

01:59:11.000 Comics have started to shuffle in, ladies and gentlemen, which means we're going to shift from this to that.

01:59:17.000 Yeah, let's shift.

01:59:17.000 We're going to shift from the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast explosion in your mouth.

01:59:22.000 Ha ha ha!

01:59:24.000 To A Nice House Chronicles.

01:59:25.000 Does that sound good, Brian?

01:59:26.000 Oh, I didn't know where you're doing that.

01:59:27.000 Do you want to do one?

01:59:28.000 Not really.

01:59:28.000 We don't have to.

01:59:29.000 Okay, then we won't do it.

01:59:30.000 Alright, folks. 0.99

01:59:31.000 No more fucking podcasts. 1.00

01:59:33.000 Well, we got... 0.99

01:59:34.000 Well, it's not even 10 o'clock, though, dude.

01:59:37.000 Let's keep going then.

01:59:38.000 If we're not going to do an Ice House Chronicles, let's keep going.

01:59:39.000 Because it's only quarter to ten.

01:59:41.000 The show's at 10.30.

01:59:43.000 But we've got another sold out show here tonight at the Ice House.

01:59:46.000 Ian Edwards.

01:59:46.000 Ready to get your freak on?

01:59:47.000 Dude, what about this shit with the dispensaries now? 1.00

01:59:52.000 It got overturned. 0.99

01:59:53.000 What happened?

01:59:54.000 Well, I think they decided to let them continue to operate because they needed tax revenue.

01:59:59.000 It would be catastrophic to a lot of these neighborhoods if all of a sudden those businesses pulled out.

02:00:03.000 What people don't understand is that these businesses, these cannabis dispensaries, have become a big part of the economic...

02:00:11.000 Success of a lot of communities.

02:00:13.000 I mean, not only do people work there and have jobs and get paid, but they also pay rent to landlords.

02:00:18.000 I mean, there's a lot of them.

02:00:19.000 There's hundreds of them.

02:00:20.000 That would mean that hundreds of places no longer have someone renting them.

02:00:24.000 And it's not like there's a shortage of places to rent.

02:00:30.000 There's a lot of places to rent.

02:00:32.000 So if you...

02:00:33.000 It's like commercial real estate.

02:00:35.000 I had to look around at a lot of commercial places to get a podcast studio.

02:00:39.000 I looked at a lot of office space and stuff like that. 0.99

02:00:42.000 It's fucking everywhere. 0.99

02:00:43.000 Everywhere. 0.99

02:00:44.000 So many places are available and open. 0.99

02:00:47.000 And if they decided just randomly to shut down 700 different fucking dispensaries for just dubious reasons, for reasons that don't make any sense at all, it would suck. 0.99

02:00:59.000 It would fuck up the economy. 0.99

02:01:00.000 There's a lot of money that goes to paying taxes.

02:01:02.000 Joe, is it...

02:01:04.000 I also read that the DEA was saying that they're going to stop rating medicinal marijuana dispensaries.

02:01:09.000 Did you read that too?

02:01:10.000 No, I didn't read that.

02:01:11.000 When did they say that?

02:01:12.000 See, someone tweeted that.

02:01:13.000 I don't know if it's true.

02:01:14.000 I think it might be fake.

02:01:15.000 You were high. 1.00

02:01:16.000 You probably were high as fuck. 0.99

02:01:17.000 Because one of the things that I read is that the DEA, they won't disclose any information about busts. 0.99

02:01:23.000 And what they're doing is they're going in and rating people.

02:01:25.000 They're taking all their marijuana.

02:01:27.000 They're taking their money.

02:01:28.000 They're taking their plants.

02:01:29.000 They confiscate all the records, they write down everyone's name, and then they do nothing.

02:01:34.000 And they don't have to do anything.

02:01:35.000 And when you try to find information on the case, they just say it's an ongoing investigation. 1.00

02:01:40.000 Shit. 1.00

02:01:40.000 And they don't do anything. 1.00

02:01:41.000 So they're kind of doing something, but they ain't really doing nothing.

02:01:44.000 They're coming in and jacking people and not arresting anybody.

02:01:47.000 And Todd McCormick was the first person who told me about this.

02:01:49.000 And I was like, that doesn't even make sense.

02:01:51.000 I was like, am I missing something in this story?

02:01:53.000 And then I went and looked at it online.

02:01:54.000 But no, that is the practice. 0.65

02:01:56.000 The practice is they just make it ridiculous for these people to try to run a business. 1.00

02:01:59.000 And they come in and take all their shit. 0.99

02:02:01.000 I think they're just trying to act like they're doing something to keep the show going. 1.00

02:02:06.000 That they're...

02:02:07.000 Maybe.

02:02:08.000 Doing their job, but they don't really want to arrest it.

02:02:11.000 I think they probably agree with the states that have weed laws, but they're like, alright, we got to do something, so let's just shut this down, but not really try people.

02:02:21.000 I don't know if it's an agreement thing, because a lot of cops do not like weed. 0.93

02:02:26.000 When cops break into guys' houses and shoot their dogs 17 fucking times, And look around and find a pipe a little bit of weed on it. 0.91

02:02:34.000 Have you seen some of those arrest videos? 0.99

02:02:35.000 I can't watch those.

02:02:35.000 I've seen the links.

02:02:36.000 I can't watch those.

02:02:37.000 They're horrendous, man.

02:02:38.000 They shot some former Marine 17 times the other day and they thought this guy had pot on him. 0.66

02:02:42.000 He had nothing.

02:02:43.000 The whole thing is crazy.

02:02:44.000 They thought he was a dealer.

02:02:45.000 There's no pot in the house.

02:02:46.000 We're going to put some of these cops away just to let other cops know. 0.78

02:02:49.000 It's just always like, you know, let's not rush to judgment.

02:02:52.000 The police chief is like, let's not rush to judgment.

02:02:54.000 Let's see what happens.

02:02:56.000 But they rush to judgment when...

02:02:58.000 The cops write up a criminal form on somebody that they arrest.

02:03:03.000 Right.

02:03:03.000 And they put the story on the news, like, instantly that person's guilty.

02:03:06.000 But when a cop shoots somebody, let's wait.

02:03:08.000 Well, sometimes they do that, but, you know, the internet is sort of taking a lot of that away.

02:03:13.000 They're exposing these people, like that officer at UC Davis that pepper sprayed those kids in the face.

02:03:18.000 And then there was the recent situation where the cop cold-cocked the chick at a Puerto Rican Day Pride parade.

02:03:25.000 Yeah.

02:03:26.000 He thought that she did something, but she didn't.

02:03:28.000 She just was in the wrong place the wrong time, so he turns around and cracks her. 1.00

02:03:31.000 This is fucked up, man. 1.00

02:03:32.000 It's fucked up to watch. 1.00

02:03:33.000 That guy's in trouble. 0.99

02:03:34.000 That guy's in trouble.

02:03:35.000 Should be. 1.00

02:03:36.000 Yeah, he fucking should be. 0.99

02:03:37.000 Even if she did throw water at him, you're not allowed to punch her, dude. 0.99

02:03:39.000 You're a cop.

02:03:40.000 A girl throws water at you, you can't punch her in the face. 1.00

02:03:42.000 This is the cool thing, man.

02:03:43.000 You need to show a little more restraint. 0.99

02:03:44.000 This is the cool thing about the proliferation of fucking cameras everywhere. 0.99

02:03:47.000 Like, it goes both ways. 0.99

02:03:49.000 But I've heard that the TSA is not letting you film them anymore.

02:03:53.000 Have you heard this?

02:03:53.000 Yeah.

02:03:54.000 Yeah, I've heard that.

02:03:54.000 Yeah.

02:03:55.000 Yeah, that's when we had...

02:03:58.000 Who was telling us the story?

02:04:01.000 Kevin Pereira was telling us the story of being stuck at the airport and trying to film it, having his girlfriend trying to film it, and they wouldn't let him. 1.00

02:04:09.000 Yeah, that's fucked. 0.96

02:04:10.000 And they took him into a room, and he's like, I don't have a witness here anymore. 1.00

02:04:13.000 At least out there, I have a witness.

02:04:14.000 Like, I want to film this.

02:04:15.000 They wouldn't let him.

02:04:16.000 They wouldn't let him.

02:04:17.000 The whole thing is just... 0.97

02:04:19.000 It's ridiculous. 0.77

02:04:21.000 It's hilarious. 0.90

02:04:22.000 The TSA are acting like cops now.

02:04:24.000 Police state, ladies and gentlemen.

02:04:25.000 We've reached a police state.

02:04:26.000 People want to control people. 1.00

02:04:28.000 The system sucks. 0.99

02:04:29.000 The system's a mess. 1.00

02:04:29.000 People are complaining. 1.00

02:04:31.000 And then they want to control the people complaining.

02:04:32.000 So they want to tighten down the police state instead of addressing what the people are complaining about.

02:04:36.000 When people get to the point where they're rioting in the streets or there's an Occupy Wall Street type of movement, man...

02:04:42.000 The fact that the government does not address that on a formal basis, on a regular basis, that they're not doing something about that and adjusting it, just shows you how much contempt they have for the actual people and who they really work for.

02:04:55.000 That's not even a subject of... 0.93

02:04:57.000 I guarantee that shit's not going to come up in the debates. 0.97

02:04:59.000 You think they're going to talk about Occupy Wall Street and addressing their demands? 0.99

02:05:02.000 Or the petrodollar?

02:05:03.000 Or the fact that China is apparently switching away from the dollar to buy oil? 1.00

02:05:08.000 Have you heard about that shit? 1.00

02:05:09.000 No, no. 1.00

02:05:10.000 I don't blame him.

02:05:11.000 Have you seen the value of the dollar?

02:05:13.000 Jesus.

02:05:13.000 What does it even mean, though?

02:05:15.000 The spooky thing is apparently our entire currency is based on the fact that most people use it to buy oil, and so they have to have vast reserves of it on hand to buy the oil.

02:05:26.000 But if that changes, then our dollar will drop even more than it's valued at now, in the most extreme way, because it's not based on gold.

02:05:35.000 And so a lot of people, it's called the petrodollar It's on Wikipedia.

02:05:39.000 It's a theory.

02:05:40.000 But the theory is that all the wars that we've been in have been with places that we're about to switch the currency from the dollar to something else.

02:05:51.000 And whenever that happens, we go in and attack because that's the only thing that our dollar is valued on.

02:05:56.000 But it's a theory.

02:05:57.000 It's a conspiracy theory.

02:05:58.000 Well, isn't that why we attacked Iraq? 0.95

02:05:59.000 Yes.

02:06:00.000 Because he had already switched over and we attacked Iraq and then we turned it back to the dollar within a year of attacking. 0.76

02:06:06.000 Hilarious.

02:06:07.000 Yeah.

02:06:09.000 What a wild jacking. 1.00

02:06:10.000 You won't hear them talk about that in the fucking debates. 1.00

02:06:12.000 You won't hear that come up. 0.99

02:06:13.000 Well, you won't hear them talk about WikiLeaks.

02:06:14.000 So there is a purpose to all these wars.

02:06:16.000 It's good to know that they're not doing it for nothing.

02:06:17.000 That's good, man.

02:06:18.000 Well, they're doing it for money, son.

02:06:20.000 Yes.

02:06:21.000 Yeah.

02:06:24.000 You're not going to hear anybody talk about WikiLeaks in the debate. 1.00

02:06:26.000 That shit ain't going to come out. 0.99

02:06:28.000 They're going to sweep that on the rug. 1.00

02:06:30.000 Is that dude still holed up in that embassy?

02:06:32.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:06:32.000 He's been there for months.

02:06:33.000 Do you think they get him any pussy? 1.00

02:06:35.000 Yes! 1.00

02:06:36.000 They should sneak him in some hippie pussy. 1.00

02:06:37.000 Does he have to pay rent there? 1.00

02:06:39.000 That's a good question.

02:06:40.000 I wonder if he's got a dope suite.

02:06:42.000 He just promises not to leak anything about them.

02:06:44.000 Yeah, I wonder what he has to promise. 1.00

02:06:47.000 Oh shit, he probably has some serious shit on that guy. 0.99

02:06:50.000 Well, it's weird that they're in England, but it's the Ecuadorian embassy. 1.00

02:06:55.000 So he's allowed to stay, even though he's in England.

02:06:57.000 They all just stand around, waiting for him to come out.

02:06:59.000 So he stays in that house for months.

02:07:01.000 He's been in that house for months.

02:07:02.000 No, he comes out and does little speeches from that balcony.

02:07:05.000 Yeah, but he's still in the house technically.

02:07:06.000 I was calling him Rapunzel.

02:07:10.000 Is that Rapunzel?

02:07:13.000 Is it Rapunzel or Rapunzel?

02:07:16.000 Well, they already got the DNA test back on the condom and it shows none of his DNA. Yeah, I don't think he...

02:07:22.000 Nah, they just want to get him there.

02:07:23.000 That's a story.

02:07:24.000 Sorry, Julian Assange, I love you.

02:07:26.000 Yeah, they're jacking that guy.

02:07:27.000 It's really scary, isn't it? 0.99

02:07:29.000 Yeah, it's fucking scary. 0.98

02:07:31.000 And also that other guy that's just in some pod somewhere getting water hosed 24 hours a day. 0.98

02:07:36.000 Oh, Bradley Manning?

02:07:37.000 Yeah.

02:07:37.000 They have him in solitary confinement.

02:07:39.000 I heard that he's naked.

02:07:40.000 He's not allowed to wear clothes.

02:07:41.000 He's just like balled up in a fetal position in some orange room getting sprayed with water hoses every few hours.

02:07:47.000 They play a lot of music.

02:07:48.000 Yeah.

02:07:48.000 Is that what you heard?

02:07:49.000 I made up a lot of that.

02:07:53.000 When I went to visit him, that's how it was. 0.99

02:07:56.000 After I fucked him, that's... 0.99

02:07:58.000 But he's not doing great. 0.99

02:07:59.000 I don't think he can send letters and stuff.

02:08:01.000 I don't think he can do anything.

02:08:02.000 I think he's sent enough letters.

02:08:03.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:08:04.000 Yeah, they're essentially psychologically torturing him.

02:08:07.000 He's gone.

02:08:08.000 I bet he's gone.

02:08:08.000 When he comes out of there, he's going to be a drooling Boo Radley.

02:08:11.000 He won't know anything.

02:08:12.000 That's optimistic, is it?

02:08:13.000 When he comes out of there?

02:08:14.000 Yeah, he's never coming out of there.

02:08:16.000 He's never coming out.

02:08:16.000 And what's really interesting is this guy could have done something far worse and he would be in a real prison interacting with people.

02:08:24.000 He could have been a murderer.

02:08:25.000 He could have been the DC sniper.

02:08:27.000 He could have done something far more horrific and he would be interacting with people. 0.99

02:08:31.000 What this guy did was leak some information about some shit that he thought was horrific. 0.99

02:08:36.000 And in doing so, they're treating him like he is fucking Lex Luthor. 1.00

02:08:41.000 They're treating him like he's the worst bad guy ever. 0.98

02:08:44.000 Meanwhile, Manson's in a regular prison somewhere.

02:08:47.000 Rogan, have you seen this list that leaked about the different signs that someone's a terrorist, like it leaked from the army or something, like what to look for?

02:08:56.000 What was one of them?

02:08:57.000 Everything you do.

02:08:59.000 Like, you are, like, there's gradients on the list, and on the red side, it's pretty much all of us are, like, would be considered, like, terrorists by this new thing.

02:09:12.000 Yeah, back in the day, this...

02:09:13.000 Did you find it?

02:09:13.000 Oh, if you use social media?

02:09:15.000 Yeah.

02:09:15.000 Read some of it.

02:09:16.000 Read some of it, dude.

02:09:17.000 Back in the day, this...

02:09:19.000 Podcasts would probably be considered, like, communist.

02:09:21.000 Oh, in the McCarthy era? 1.00

02:09:23.000 Or, you know, just some Red Party shit. 1.00

02:09:25.000 For sure. 1.00

02:09:26.000 Wow, here's some warning signs.

02:09:28.000 According to the U.S. military.

02:09:30.000 Wow.

02:09:31.000 You've recently changed your choices in entertainment.

02:09:34.000 You have peculiar discussions. 0.99

02:09:36.000 I've gone to blowjob porn. 0.99

02:09:38.000 You complain about bias. 1.00

02:09:40.000 You too?

02:09:41.000 You're socially withdrawn, Joey Diaz.

02:09:44.000 What up, Joey?

02:09:45.000 What's up, baby?

02:09:46.000 How you doing, man?

02:09:47.000 You know me.

02:09:48.000 Is that on?

02:09:49.000 Put the pieces together.

02:09:51.000 I don't hear him.

02:09:53.000 Check, check, check.

02:09:56.000 You're socially withdrawn.

02:09:57.000 You're frustrated with mainstream ideologies.

02:10:00.000 Your risk factors for radicalization include social networks and youth.

02:10:06.000 You're just being young. 0.75

02:10:08.000 You're young, you're a terrorist. 1.00

02:10:09.000 Everybody on Facebook is a terrorist. 1.00

02:10:11.000 You're young, you're a terrorist. 1.00

02:10:13.000 That is fucking hilarious. 1.00

02:10:15.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:10:15.000 That is just like the most broad, sweeping brush I think I've ever read, ever, in an official document. 0.98

02:10:21.000 Who came out with this? 0.99

02:10:23.000 Some cunts. 0.99

02:10:24.000 No, I think it's like the army. 1.00

02:10:26.000 But the combination of this with the Indefinite Detention Act, that's where shit gets creepy. 0.72

02:10:31.000 Because it's one thing to just be like, yeah, those are signs that someone might be doing something weird, but then I think a terrorist, someone suspected of terrorism, can just get arrested according to the Indefinite Detention Act without a trial. 0.98

02:10:43.000 So that's where shit gets a little... 0.96

02:10:46.000 We're not going to sleep that well at night. 0.99

02:10:48.000 Well, we have this girl who's coming on the podcast tomorrow, Amber Lyon, who was working for CNN and was clearly censored. 1.00

02:10:58.000 They were told not to tell stories.

02:10:59.000 There are certain things they were told not to cover.

02:11:01.000 There are certain areas where they wanted to report on actual news.

02:11:08.000 And they were told not to.

02:11:09.000 And they were told to read off government propaganda that they knew was not true.

02:11:13.000 Yeah.

02:11:14.000 And this is on CNN. So, you know, it's real.

02:11:19.000 It's not like people are going, oh, yeah, well, they wouldn't act on that stuff.

02:11:24.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:11:25.000 This is like, they've figured out a way to control media.

02:11:30.000 And propaganda is a real thing now.

02:11:33.000 It's 100% real.

02:11:34.000 They can lie to you all day long.

02:11:37.000 And if you want to travel anywhere...

02:11:39.000 They can restrict you. 0.99

02:11:40.000 Not only can they restrict you, but just to travel, you are going to have your body magnetically scanned so they can see you fucking naked. 0.99

02:11:49.000 If you travel, you must allow them to see your naked body. 0.98

02:11:53.000 But that doesn't work, as Joey Diaz clearly explained on the Alex Jones show. 0.99

02:11:58.000 They missed a bag of weed hidden under his balls. 0.99

02:12:00.000 It can't see through Joey's balls, no matter what. 0.99

02:12:03.000 They might be able to see distant telescopes. 0.99

02:12:05.000 They have not yet developed a scanner machine that can see past Joey's balls. 0.98

02:12:09.000 Dude, you better watch out. 1.00

02:12:10.000 Al-Qaeda's going to cut your balls off. 1.00

02:12:11.000 So if you want to smuggle something to another country, you have to buy some Joey Diaz Saxe. 1.00

02:12:16.000 What they need to do is the scientists that clone Dolly the sheep, they need to clone Joey's balls. 0.99

02:12:20.000 Just make them really large. 0.99

02:12:21.000 Put them over stealth bombers and you can just fucking fly in. 0.99

02:12:26.000 The x-ray machines wouldn't see shit. 0.99

02:12:28.000 You ever get your knees x-rayed? 1.00

02:12:30.000 They put that fucking umpire thing on your chest. 1.00

02:12:34.000 That's with my skin on my nuts. 1.00

02:12:36.000 It doesn't go through. 1.00

02:12:37.000 It's like umpire fucking shield. 1.00

02:12:39.000 It doesn't go through because I hide that sack behind there and all they can see is this motherfucker got three nuts. 1.00

02:12:46.000 That's all they can see. 1.00

02:12:47.000 This is the luckiest motherfucker in the world. 0.99

02:12:48.000 I just think they don't want to look there. 0.99

02:12:50.000 They're like, I'm just going to overlook that part. 1.00

02:12:52.000 Did you see this shit this week, bro? 0.99

02:12:54.000 They robbed $800,000 worth of loot to TSA people. 1.00

02:12:58.000 Yeah, they found an iPad in someone's house.

02:13:00.000 Did you see that?

02:13:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:02.000 But they're robbing those motherfuckers, dog. 1.00

02:13:04.000 Yeah, they definitely... 1.00

02:13:05.000 They're always swiping watches and shit. 0.98

02:13:08.000 People here tell a lot of stories about that. 0.97

02:13:10.000 But I went through the TSA today, and they were being extra careful because a penny had dropped off into the bin.

02:13:16.000 And they're like, sir, your penny.

02:13:18.000 Don't forget your penny.

02:13:19.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:13:20.000 They probably just stole the laptop and they're feeling guilty.

02:13:23.000 Everybody's watching.

02:13:24.000 You know what's interesting?

02:13:25.000 This is a metal watch.

02:13:26.000 This watch is made out of metal, but it doesn't go off.

02:13:29.000 Go right through the scanner machine.

02:13:30.000 It never goes off.

02:13:32.000 Wouldn't it be hilarious if they're not even checking you? 0.98

02:13:35.000 How fucking crazy would that be? 0.74

02:13:37.000 How crazy would that be if half those machines really cost like $800 for each body to go through and they just make you go through and press a button and go, you're going through it. 0.99

02:13:46.000 They're just checking to see who gets nervous. 1.00

02:13:47.000 Look how many fucking times they find people with bullets and guns and fucking stupidity. 1.00

02:13:52.000 It makes you really think. 1.00

02:13:53.000 It really makes you fucking think. 0.99

02:13:55.000 I guarantee half these people are like, listen, just whatever. 0.99

02:13:58.000 Just whatever.

02:13:59.000 You know, today's a day. 1.00

02:14:00.000 It's a free fucking day. 1.00

02:14:01.000 You come up with a bazooka. 1.00

02:14:02.000 We're not going to catch you. 1.00

02:14:04.000 Well, they did some independent testing where they tried to get people through and they got through with a bunch of shit. 0.99

02:14:08.000 People got through with guns and bombs. 0.99

02:14:09.000 Guys, you'd be fucking surprised. 1.00

02:14:11.000 You'd be fucking surprised. 0.99

02:14:12.000 Well, you know what goes off? 0.99

02:14:14.000 Foil from gum.

02:14:16.000 Huh. 1.00

02:14:16.000 Yeah, when you have like a pack of dentine with a push-through foil back, that shit goes off. 1.00

02:14:22.000 If you have that in your pocket, you'll beep like you got a weapon. 0.99

02:14:24.000 But meanwhile, the metal that your watch is made out of, for whatever fucking reason, that doesn't go off. 1.00

02:14:28.000 Man, it just makes me want to puke when I look over and see a fucking old man. 1.00

02:14:32.000 Today I saw an 80-year-old man with a brace on his neck. 1.00

02:14:35.000 Getting like a hardcore hat down.

02:14:39.000 You know what?

02:14:40.000 Was he white?

02:14:41.000 He probably deserves it. 1.00

02:14:43.000 He did some shit back in the day. 1.00

02:14:45.000 All the creepy shit he did to get to be alive in 80s. 1.00

02:14:47.000 He did some racist shit. 1.00

02:14:49.000 He needs to get searched. 1.00

02:14:51.000 I hope those are black TSA workers working him over like a water hose. 1.00

02:14:56.000 I hope they dip their fingers inside sanitizers and stuck it right up his ass. 1.00

02:15:01.000 He had sanitizers deep in his asshole. 1.00

02:15:06.000 Imagine what it felt like a hand sanitizer inside your ass. 1.00

02:15:08.000 That would not be good. 1.00

02:15:09.000 You would have cut your asshole. 1.00

02:15:10.000 Meanwhile, someone's done it. 1.00

02:15:12.000 Someone's done it.

02:15:13.000 Someone does that all day.

02:15:14.000 Someone's probably addicted to doing that.

02:15:15.000 Going to a doctor. 1.00

02:15:16.000 I've got to stop putting hand sanitizer up my asshole. 1.00

02:15:18.000 The doctor's like, what? 1.00

02:15:19.000 A new thing. 1.00

02:15:20.000 A new fucking thing. 0.99

02:15:21.000 Do you remember when we went to some town, you and I, and we had dinner with some doctor? 0.99

02:15:25.000 I was there. 0.99

02:15:26.000 He was telling us about emergency room shit. 1.00

02:15:28.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:15:29.000 A friend of mine used to work at emergency room. 1.00

02:15:30.000 Oh, that they, in Chicago National, that they buried the fucking guy. 1.00

02:15:35.000 Remember, what were the stories about the hospital, this motherfucker? 1.00

02:15:39.000 Did John Rallo tell you about his buddy, the boxer, who went for shoulder surgery? 0.99

02:15:43.000 And before you have shoulder surgery, they shoot a thing in you, and it fucking freezes your arm, your nerves. 0.83

02:15:50.000 You can't have your nerves for like 18 months. 1.00

02:15:52.000 They shot the motherfucker in the wrong arm. 1.00

02:15:54.000 Oh, no. 1.00

02:15:55.000 Yeah, a boxer.

02:15:56.000 That's John Rollo.

02:15:56.000 He took somebody, Andre Ward, to a decision or something like that a couple years ago and then they did the surgery.

02:16:02.000 They shot this motherfucker in the wrong arm. 0.99

02:16:04.000 It takes 18 months to heal because I guess it's one centimeter a fucking month that it heals backwards, John was telling me. 1.00

02:16:11.000 Can you imagine going for surgery to take out your wrong fucking eye? 0.97

02:16:15.000 Boss Rubin has a nerve issue that he had nerves fucked up, and it was over a year where his arm hadn't healed yet. 0.99

02:16:22.000 Yeah. 0.88

02:16:23.000 Nerves take a long time.

02:16:25.000 Dude, I've heard of people bringing their dogs into the vet to get them groomed, and they put them to sleep because of confusion.

02:16:31.000 They get it confused.

02:16:32.000 Oh, God.

02:16:33.000 Yeah, Will Ferrell's cats. 1.00

02:16:35.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:16:36.000 What? 1.00

02:16:38.000 That's a call back from an old Joe Rogan podcast.

02:16:41.000 Will Ferrell's Cats.

02:16:42.000 Ferrell Cats.

02:16:43.000 Oh.

02:16:44.000 Remember that? 1.00

02:16:45.000 Well, going back to the EMS shit, a friend of mine, he was a comic, and he used to work in an ambulance in Queens, and people were coming with shit stuck in their ass. 1.00

02:16:55.000 Like one guy had a GI Joe doll. 1.00

02:16:58.000 That's what it was. 1.00

02:16:58.000 He was talking about people getting stuck in their ass. 1.00

02:17:00.000 Well, Steve Graham. 1.00

02:17:01.000 Steve Graham always talks about that. 0.99

02:17:03.000 When he did his residency in Miami, he said they found light bulbs up people's asses. 0.99

02:17:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:17:07.000 Those twisty lightbulbs? 0.99

02:17:09.000 Oh, the twisty joints. 0.99

02:17:10.000 People stuck lightbulbs up their asses and then the lightbulbs broke. 0.98

02:17:13.000 Dude, the thing he said... 0.99

02:17:15.000 Well, this dude stuck a G.I. Joe doll up his ass, but he couldn't pull it out because the arms opened up. 0.99

02:17:21.000 Like prongs. 1.00

02:17:23.000 Like prongs.

02:17:24.000 That's when he had to call the ambulance.

02:17:27.000 It's like a barb.

02:17:28.000 He was like hooked. 0.68

02:17:29.000 Dude, this guy, the doctor we were talking at, too, at dinner, he said something that I'd never heard before, which is some people were taking nitrous oxide, remember this, and inflating their testicles with it.

02:17:41.000 Oh, yeah.

02:17:43.000 People were doing it with saline, too.

02:17:45.000 Do you know where you can get this nitrous oxide?

02:17:48.000 Dude, I have no idea. 1.00

02:17:50.000 You can get it from Duncan's testicles. 1.00

02:17:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:52.000 He's going to spout.

02:17:53.000 He's the one.

02:17:55.000 That's crazy.

02:17:56.000 He lets it out.

02:17:56.000 It whistles like a balloon.

02:17:57.000 I heard of a chick in Jersey one time. 0.91

02:18:00.000 My buddy was in the hospital.

02:18:01.000 He said some chick came in. 1.00

02:18:02.000 She put a frozen hot dog in her pussy and it broke. 1.00

02:18:06.000 So she had to go get it. 1.00

02:18:08.000 Oh, no! 1.00

02:18:09.000 Can you imagine having an old hot dog in your fucking pussy? 1.00

02:18:11.000 And she was so cold. 1.00

02:18:13.000 Like a fucking ballpark. 1.00

02:18:14.000 She's such a cold bitch, the shit didn't even melt. 1.00

02:18:16.000 It just froze. 1.00

02:18:20.000 It froze harder.

02:18:24.000 It got harder.

02:18:25.000 It got harder. 1.00

02:18:26.000 It fucking. 0.99

02:18:27.000 It froze and crushed. 1.00

02:18:28.000 It came out as snow. 1.00

02:18:29.000 Damn snow. 1.00

02:18:30.000 I mean, it's an icicle like that. 1.00

02:18:33.000 I have an icicle. 1.00

02:18:34.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:18:35.000 I mean, if you can think of it, someone stuffed it up their ass. 1.00

02:18:41.000 Just call a dude. 0.99

02:18:43.000 That's a good name for a kids book. 1.00

02:18:46.000 Someone shoved one of these up their ass, right? 1.00

02:18:49.000 Someone's shoved beer bottles up their ass. 1.00

02:18:51.000 We've all seen two guys, one cup. 1.00

02:18:53.000 You've seen that. 1.00

02:18:53.000 That guy's stuck like a mayonnaise jar up his ass. 1.00

02:18:56.000 Did you see that? 1.00

02:18:57.000 That's amazing.

02:18:58.000 He's stuck like one of those jars where you get some really good jelly.

02:19:03.000 You know, you get that preserves where it's like a fancy, fancy glass jar. 0.99

02:19:07.000 That guy had that deep in his ass and it broke. 1.00

02:19:10.000 And then like clunks of chunks of broken glass and blood are coming out of his ass. 1.00

02:19:15.000 I mean, it is a crazy fucking scene. 1.00

02:19:18.000 Bro, what about those junkies in prison that walk around with a syringe in their asshole? 1.00

02:19:22.000 What? 1.00

02:19:23.000 A fucking syringe with a spoon, matches. 1.00

02:19:26.000 And they tuck it in their asshole to store it. 1.00

02:19:29.000 That's where they store it, right? 1.00

02:19:30.000 Needles, syringes in your ass. 1.00

02:19:32.000 After 10 years of doing it, it just looks like nothing. 1.00

02:19:36.000 You just open your asshole and take a needle out of there. 1.00

02:19:38.000 Oh my God. 1.00

02:19:40.000 Isn't that the way they say that a lot of guys get hepatitis from exchanging needles if they don't have clean needles? 0.99

02:19:46.000 It's fucked up that there's diseases that come just from sex. 0.97

02:19:50.000 How did syphilis ever get... 0.99

02:19:53.000 We know we were talking about swine flu and all these different things that come from massive farms, which a lot of flus come from. 0.99

02:20:01.000 But how does fucking sexually transmitted diseases come from? 0.98

02:20:04.000 Who was the first person to get herpes? 0.99

02:20:06.000 How did that get...

02:20:07.000 Kelly Kirsten.

02:20:08.000 LAUGHTER Now, Capone died of syphilis.

02:20:14.000 Syphilis, yeah. 1.00

02:20:14.000 Fucking syphilis. 1.00

02:20:15.000 Now, what is syphilis? 1.00

02:20:16.000 How does it get into you?

02:20:17.000 That's a good question. 1.00

02:20:18.000 What comes out of your dick? 1.00

02:20:20.000 What leakage? 1.00

02:20:22.000 When I was about 15, my buddy told me he had a problem. 0.99

02:20:24.000 He goes, can you go to the fucking clinic with me? 0.99

02:20:26.000 I'll never forget going to the clinic after school, not even thinking about it, guys. 1.00

02:20:31.000 And seeing bitches with sores in their mouth and fucking shit leaking. 1.00

02:20:35.000 I was like... 1.00

02:20:36.000 I made a mental note right there. 1.00

02:20:38.000 Like right there, I was like, I ain't fucking around with bitches till I'm older. 1.00

02:20:41.000 Well, this is one of the things. 1.00

02:20:43.000 They shut down the porn industry because they're doing syphilis and started giving other people syphilis.

02:20:48.000 Yeah.

02:20:48.000 This is during 2010. There was 45,834 new cases of syphilis.

02:20:56.000 Compared to 48,000 HIV infections and 309,000 cases of gonorrhea.

02:21:03.000 Whoa, gonorrhea's popular.

02:21:04.000 Which one's the...

02:21:05.000 309,000 cases of gonorrhea. 0.99

02:21:09.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:21:10.000 And that's just for those who thought gonorrhea was over. 0.99

02:21:12.000 It's back, y'all.

02:21:13.000 Doing its thing.

02:21:14.000 Doing its thing.

02:21:15.000 Gonorrhea coming on strong, kid.

02:21:17.000 It's gonorrhea the clap.

02:21:19.000 That's a good question.

02:21:20.000 Is that the clap?

02:21:21.000 Gonorrhea is the clap?

02:21:22.000 I would assume it was that.

02:21:24.000 Two thirds of syphilis occurred amongst men who have had sex with men.

02:21:30.000 Wow. 0.99

02:21:31.000 Most syphilis is gay syphilis. 0.99

02:21:34.000 Interesting. 0.90

02:21:34.000 There are 377 reports of children with congenital syphilis. 0.90

02:21:39.000 Children?

02:21:40.000 They get it when they're born with it.

02:21:43.000 Syphilis is transmitted from person to person.

02:21:45.000 It's a bacterium disease.

02:21:48.000 It's caused by bacterium. 1.00

02:21:50.000 can cause long-term complications and or death not adequately treated sores can occur on the lips and in the mouth syphilis can be transmitted during vaginal anal or oral sexual contact pregnant women with the disease can pass it on to their unborn children whoa damn you syphilis syphilis is a mother a motherfucker. 0.99

02:22:09.000 How quickly do symptoms appear after infection? 0.99

02:22:11.000 The average time between infection with syphilis and the appearance of the first symptom is 21 days, but it can range up to 90 days. 1.00

02:22:20.000 Dude, I knew a guy who used to say that fucking pussy with gonorrhea was the best pussy. 1.00

02:22:26.000 What? 1.00

02:22:27.000 That is crazy.

02:22:27.000 Because it was so hot.

02:22:29.000 Because it was like feverishly hot.

02:22:31.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:22:31.000 I think it's safe to say that guy's a silly bitch. 1.00

02:22:33.000 How many times has he done it? 1.00

02:22:35.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

02:22:36.000 What do you do, put an ad for gonorrhea bitches in the fucking mail? 1.00

02:22:39.000 First of all, I'm looking for a bitch with gonorrhea. 1.00

02:22:41.000 First of all, I did not... 0.99

02:22:44.000 I'm not here for a long time.

02:22:46.000 I'm here for a good time.

02:22:48.000 That's why I did not say it like that.

02:22:49.000 That's number one. 1.00

02:22:50.000 I'm gonna get some of that lava pussy. 1.00

02:22:52.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:22:53.000 Lava pussy! 1.00

02:22:54.000 Son, you ain't lived. 1.00

02:22:56.000 That molten, that molten puss. 1.00

02:22:58.000 There's motherfuckers that love period pussy, you know? 1.00

02:23:01.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:23:01.000 What are you gonna do? 1.00

02:23:02.000 I can't even look at that fucking dragon when it's bloody like that. 1.00

02:23:05.000 Dragon. 1.00

02:23:05.000 Well, after my mother died, I got a booty call from some chick out of Pity. 1.00

02:23:10.000 She called me up.

02:23:11.000 I was still living in the house. 1.00

02:23:13.000 I was still living in the fucking house. 0.99

02:23:15.000 And I remember I walked to her house because in those days you had no fucking text or nothing. 1.00

02:23:20.000 You had to dial that long motherfucking number. 1.00

02:23:23.000 You had to go deep on your fucking phone and walk over, walk the bitch back. 1.00

02:23:27.000 You remember when a chick lived in the other part of the state? 1.00

02:23:29.000 Yeah, dog.

02:23:30.000 Long distance.

02:23:31.000 And you couldn't fall in love.

02:23:32.000 There was no Skype.

02:23:33.000 You had to whack off on the phone. 1.00

02:23:34.000 It cost you fucking $10 to whack off. 0.99

02:23:37.000 Who remembers sports phone? 1.00

02:23:40.000 Nobody.

02:23:40.000 What is that?

02:23:41.000 Sports phone was a phone for degenerate gamblers that cost you 35 cents to call and they updated every 30 minutes, though.

02:23:47.000 Oh! 0.60

02:23:48.000 You remember that?

02:23:49.000 I do remember that. 1.00

02:23:50.000 Fuck yeah! 0.99

02:23:50.000 It was like that was the only thing that survived outside of sex calls. 0.99

02:23:54.000 That's it. 0.99

02:23:55.000 But this is back in the 80s when you'd be at a bar shooting pool and a motherfucker come in, though, who won the next game? 0.98

02:24:00.000 I don't know. 0.98

02:24:01.000 Call sports phone.

02:24:01.000 I called a sex phone line once while I was beaten off when I was a kid and came when the chick asked me, can I help you?

02:24:09.000 Can I help you?

02:24:09.000 I was like, what am I going to do?

02:24:14.000 How am I going to pay for this?

02:24:15.000 I don't have a credit card.

02:24:15.000 I just jizzed all over myself.

02:24:18.000 That's all you need sometimes, just a voice.

02:24:20.000 You're like, how would I call you back?

02:24:21.000 How much?

02:24:22.000 Yeah, I mean, that's probably, how many dudes probably called people up, beating off while they were on the phone?

02:24:27.000 I remember being a security guard at night at this complex they were building for seniors, and the only thing to do was, like, you're bored at night, you just call the phone, so I used to go down the party line.

02:24:38.000 Like, I ran up, like, a thousand dollar bill in, like, a week. 0.99

02:24:41.000 So I'm a security guard, and I gotta pay this shit back. 0.98

02:24:44.000 They're taking the money out of my check. 0.99

02:24:46.000 I'm basically working for this party line.

02:24:49.000 Wow!

02:24:50.000 It's just crazy.

02:24:51.000 Wow!

02:24:51.000 That's one of those...

02:24:52.000 What happens on a party line?

02:24:54.000 You just talk to a bunch of people.

02:24:56.000 That's incredible.

02:24:57.000 It's almost like...

02:24:58.000 Like a chat room.

02:24:59.000 It's like the phone internet.

02:24:59.000 Yeah, it's like, yeah, chat roulette now, basically.

02:25:03.000 How many people were in the room with you when you would call?

02:25:05.000 You called the number.

02:25:07.000 You talked to like three or four people and some people just listened.

02:25:09.000 Some people would contribute.

02:25:11.000 Some people would get off.

02:25:12.000 New people would join on.

02:25:13.000 You never called a party line?

02:25:15.000 No, I never called one.

02:25:16.000 It was addictive until I got that bill. 1.00

02:25:19.000 Then I was like, fuck this shit. 1.00

02:25:19.000 How much was it a minute? 1.00

02:25:21.000 That shit was expensive, y'all. 1.00

02:25:22.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:25:23.000 Isn't that amazing that they could just charge you to connect your fucking phone lines together and charge you ridiculous amounts of money? 0.99

02:25:29.000 And you don't even know what you... 0.99

02:25:30.000 It's not like you see it running like a meter, so you can go, ah, and just hang it up.

02:25:34.000 I thought there was girls on those lines. 0.86

02:25:36.000 That's what they relied on.

02:25:36.000 Sometimes that'd be girls.

02:25:38.000 But you can't see them.

02:25:40.000 You're just talking.

02:25:42.000 Are they from your town?

02:25:43.000 No idea.

02:25:45.000 No idea. 0.96

02:25:46.000 I don't know if it was an 800 number or some shit like that. 0.82

02:25:48.000 I bet a lot of people are probably pretending they were from your town. 0.75

02:25:51.000 Where are you from?

02:25:52.000 Kansas.

02:25:52.000 I'm from Kansas too.

02:25:53.000 Where you at?

02:25:54.000 Where you at?

02:25:56.000 I'm coming to get you.

02:25:57.000 I'm coming to get you.

02:25:58.000 I'm on my way. 0.99

02:25:59.000 I saw a show about a guy who got tricked by these Nigerian scammers and it was fucking sad. 0.99

02:26:04.000 This poor dude went to Europe twice. 0.98

02:26:07.000 He believed that this girl was waiting for him in Europe twice. 1.00

02:26:10.000 I saw that shit. 1.00

02:26:10.000 You see that? 1.00

02:26:11.000 Yeah.

02:26:12.000 Isn't it kind of creepy? 0.99

02:26:13.000 That's fucked up. 0.99

02:26:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:16.000 It's like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

02:26:18.000 The guy went there twice. 1.00

02:26:20.000 Loneliness sucks. 0.98

02:26:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:22.000 It fucking sucks hard. 0.99

02:26:22.000 But that's how, you know, social media works on the computers. 0.99

02:26:25.000 Like, it's just from back in the day when we used to make those phone calls to those party lines.

02:26:29.000 People have just been lonely for ages.

02:26:30.000 Yeah.

02:26:31.000 And it's just a way to connect without being in front of somebody.

02:26:34.000 Yeah.

02:26:34.000 And that's why Facebook and MySpace is so successful.

02:26:37.000 Yeah.

02:26:37.000 Or was.

02:26:38.000 Well, people literally get sick when they don't have contact with other people.

02:26:42.000 If they don't get sick physically, they get sick mentally.

02:26:45.000 Yeah.

02:26:45.000 Something goes wrong.

02:26:47.000 You ever go to a strip club, and you can tell the dudes that are fucking lonely, bro. 0.98

02:26:52.000 They bring the chicks gifts. 0.97

02:26:53.000 Oh, yeah.

02:26:54.000 How's your mother?

02:26:54.000 How's your brother?

02:26:55.000 Yeah.

02:26:56.000 Let's do a dance.

02:26:57.000 I really don't want to dance.

02:26:58.000 And you see those guys, and if you interview a stripper or talk to a stripper...

02:27:02.000 And she starts to tell you those stories.

02:27:04.000 Your heart breaks.

02:27:05.000 Yeah.

02:27:05.000 You're like, really?

02:27:06.000 Some guy came in and gave you 800 to sit and talk to you for an hour. 0.98

02:27:10.000 Well, when I used to go to visit Eddie, when Eddie worked as a DJ, you know, I got to watch, like, some really crazy shit. 1.00

02:27:16.000 Crazy shit. 0.98

02:27:16.000 You got to see, like, the girls were just like, you know, they'd be like your friend. 0.98

02:27:20.000 Like, hey, what's up?

02:27:21.000 Hey, how you doing?

02:27:22.000 You know, like, Eddie was, like, just, like, friends with all these girls.

02:27:24.000 They would come in, and then guys would, like, buy them cars.

02:27:27.000 Yeah.

02:27:27.000 This one girl, the guy came in, and she immediately is like, oh my god, how are you?

02:27:34.000 She puts on this act and runs over and hugs him, and she's really hot, and she's naked. 1.00

02:27:40.000 She's really hot, and she's naked, and the dude is a zero. 1.00

02:27:44.000 He's just a dorky, sad, goofy... 1.00

02:27:49.000 Confused guy who's just not that good socially and doesn't understand he's being played. 0.98

02:27:54.000 And I think he had like a regular job too, man. 1.00

02:27:56.000 He was like a fucking postman or some shit. 1.00

02:27:58.000 But he would blow all his money on her. 1.00

02:28:00.000 And he got her a car.

02:28:02.000 At least they're like one of those nice Yukons. 0.99

02:28:04.000 It was crazy.

02:28:06.000 They just take them like vampires. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:28:10.000 Just draw them in. 1.00

02:28:11.000 And for the guy, just to be in contact with a girl like that is enough.

02:28:16.000 The chicks, the guys that give them the most. 1.00

02:28:18.000 Well, the ones that don't get pussy. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Yeah, they don't want to fuck the guy. 1.00

02:28:22.000 Listen, when I kidnapped that dude, my partner on the deal, my partner on the deal, the reason, his motivation, like, you know when you go to acting class and they're like, what's your motivation? 0.99

02:28:33.000 His motivation for the kidnapping was he was dating a chick.

02:28:37.000 No, no, no, no, no, no. 0.86

02:28:38.000 He was friends with a chick at a strip club that danced naked. 0.53

02:28:43.000 Her and her husband had a beef.

02:28:45.000 He threw her out.

02:28:46.000 She loved the guy, but she wouldn't sleep with him because she was Catholic.

02:28:52.000 She couldn't sleep with him until she got divorced. 0.99

02:28:54.000 This guy was giving her all his money. 1.00

02:28:58.000 It's the guys that don't get the pussy that give the most loot. 1.00

02:29:02.000 Yeah, it's a story as old as time. 1.00

02:29:04.000 It's fucking amazing. 1.00

02:29:06.000 I want to be into the stripper part of the story, but when you say the time I kidnapped that dude, I can't just let that shit go. 1.00

02:29:14.000 And you all probably discussed this a thousand times. 0.99

02:29:18.000 That I saw that.

02:29:19.000 And when he told me, he came to my house, and he looked at mine, he's like, oh, we gotta kidnap this.

02:29:23.000 At that time, it wasn't a kidnapping.

02:29:25.000 He's like, we gotta rob this dude.

02:29:27.000 I need the money.

02:29:27.000 I'm like, what money?

02:29:28.000 He told me the story, and I'm like, oh, fuck. 1.00

02:29:31.000 Did you have, like, red flags going off? 1.00

02:29:33.000 Right there, yeah.

02:29:34.000 He wasn't even robbing it for the good of it.

02:29:36.000 You know, he was robbing for a chick so she could get divorced.

02:29:40.000 Ooh, here's what gets better.

02:29:41.000 He owned a house.

02:29:42.000 His mother had a bunch of houses. 0.98

02:29:44.000 She was a real estate mogul. 0.99

02:29:46.000 He fucking had her in one of the houses. 1.00

02:29:49.000 Powerful Doug Benson, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:29:50.000 He had her in one of the houses.

02:29:52.000 Free rent.

02:29:52.000 He was paying the rent for it.

02:29:53.000 That's so common.

02:29:55.000 It's just...

02:29:55.000 Jesus.

02:29:58.000 Powerful Doug Benson.

02:29:59.000 What's up, buddy? 0.98

02:29:59.000 It's very fucking sad. 0.98

02:30:01.000 Girls have been doing that to guys forever. 1.00

02:30:02.000 But guys have been doing that to girls, too, man.

02:30:04.000 It's like...

02:30:05.000 People get played.

02:30:07.000 I think if you want to be a victim, you want to be a victim.

02:30:10.000 Some guys want to say, I bought a girl a car and nothing happened.

02:30:12.000 Well, it's also that these girls are so out of their league that they're willing to do almost anything. 1.00

02:30:19.000 And they can't believe these girls are even talking to them.

02:30:22.000 I mean, girls are tens, man. 0.99

02:30:24.000 Incredible body, beautiful tits. 1.00

02:30:26.000 Look at that ass. 1.00

02:30:27.000 I can't believe she's sitting on my lap. 1.00

02:30:28.000 And she's stroking his hair and puts her tits in his face and juggles them back and forth. 1.00

02:30:34.000 And this dude is gone, man. 0.99

02:30:35.000 He's in heaven.

02:30:36.000 This is closer to heaven than he's ever been.

02:30:38.000 Because no girl who ever looked anything like this has ever touched him.

02:30:41.000 And no girl's ever really wanted to touch him.

02:30:43.000 Some dudes, they go through life without anybody being really passionate about them ever.

02:30:48.000 No one's attracted to them.

02:30:49.000 They're socially awkward. 1.00

02:30:51.000 Who knows what kind of fucking weird childhood they had. 1.00

02:30:54.000 And those girls can do a number on a dude like that. 1.00

02:30:59.000 There's no way he could stop her.

02:31:03.000 Especially when they got a chick sitting on their lap and they're seeing chicks like this sit on dudes' laps in movies. 1.00

02:31:09.000 And it's like you're just living the movie lifestyle just for a moment.

02:31:13.000 You'll pay for anything.

02:31:14.000 I can't believe it's real. 0.99

02:31:15.000 But do you believe there's trained agents who are like chicks in the CIA or trained to get fucked to set people up? 0.99

02:31:23.000 I hope so. 0.99

02:31:24.000 100%.

02:31:25.000 They've done that.

02:31:26.000 Yeah.

02:31:27.000 100%. 0.61

02:31:27.000 They've gotten people to the point where they were undercover and they had to have sex with people, unquestionably. 0.61

02:31:33.000 But do you think they train them?

02:31:35.000 Do you think there's like a special CIA training center for hot girls to have it? 1.00

02:31:40.000 Listen, if you're going to fuck this guy, you can't fuck him like an agent. 1.00

02:31:43.000 You've got to fuck him like you're a crazy bitch and you're a cock monster. 1.00

02:31:47.000 Study these videos. 1.00

02:31:51.000 This is a girl named Amberlynn.

02:31:53.000 In the 80s, she was a monster. 0.99

02:31:55.000 Just a cock monster. 0.99

02:31:57.000 I know this dude that runs a charm school, right? 0.99

02:32:00.000 So he works with the federal government, like the FBI, to teach the agents how to not get seduced by women.

02:32:09.000 Really?

02:32:10.000 Yeah.

02:32:10.000 So what you're saying is real.

02:32:15.000 That's interesting.

02:32:17.000 Right, because it's a powerful weapon. 0.83

02:32:18.000 I mean, if you really want to take down a present, you can take down anybody with a woman. 1.00

02:32:25.000 Yeah, sex is so powerful.

02:32:26.000 To someone who can't acquire it, it's like one of the sweetest nectar known.

02:32:31.000 If you can acquire it on a regular basis, it loses its power.

02:32:34.000 But it's just like getting your heroin fix every day.

02:32:36.000 You're like, eh, nothing. 1.00

02:32:38.000 It's just fucking heroin. 0.99

02:32:39.000 There's a lot of functional heroin users. 1.00

02:32:41.000 There's a lot of functional sex addicts. 0.97

02:32:43.000 You know, when you're involved in that...

02:32:45.000 Type of a crime.

02:32:46.000 That's why I always laugh when I read about drug busts or something. 0.97

02:32:50.000 Because what the general public doesn't know, when you have that number, when somebody's selling 80 kilos a fucking month, guess what? 0.97

02:32:57.000 They don't make that many mistakes. 0.97

02:32:59.000 Right.

02:33:00.000 For an agent to infiltrate them, they have to do something different.

02:33:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:33:04.000 Like when I was locked up in a federal joint for a couple months, I got to meet people who told me stories about shooting fucking blow with agents. 0.99

02:33:13.000 The agents cross the line. 1.00

02:33:15.000 Yeah, the agents get fucked up. 0.99

02:33:16.000 Well, they have to. 0.99

02:33:17.000 Once they go to trial, they go to rehab, and then they don't have it in their system.

02:33:21.000 So I'm in court yelling, I got hired with Duncan.

02:33:23.000 That was a year ago.

02:33:24.000 Prove it.

02:33:26.000 Prove it.

02:33:26.000 But it's amazing.

02:33:28.000 That's why you...

02:33:29.000 No, no.

02:33:29.000 I'm going to sell a kilo of coke to a guy who doesn't do coke with me.

02:33:33.000 I don't do it.

02:33:34.000 I'm a businessman.

02:33:34.000 Really.

02:33:35.000 That's the weird fucking thing, man. 0.99

02:33:37.000 That's the weird thing, man, where the cop, the CIA agent, or whoever it is, begins to turn into the thing that they're hunting, begins to get sucked into that, and then they're the criminal too. 0.99

02:33:47.000 Listen, you have to.

02:33:48.000 There's no way.

02:33:49.000 Look, when you go talk to attorneys, if you ever get in trouble, when you go talk to attorneys, you go talk to these dudes that are very book smart.

02:33:55.000 The attorney you want is the guy that knows his way around the court system.

02:33:59.000 The guy who went to college with the judge, who's gonna cut a deal.

02:34:02.000 He went to school with the district attorney.

02:34:03.000 You follow me?

02:34:04.000 You got these guys that are very book smart. 0.99

02:34:06.000 Yeah, they know the fucking law and litigation. 0.99

02:34:08.000 That goes so far. 1.00

02:34:09.000 It's the motherfuckers that could cut a deal. 1.00

02:34:13.000 Same thing applies with cops. 1.00

02:34:15.000 If you're gonna bust a criminal, you gotta become a criminal.

02:34:18.000 You gotta think like him.

02:34:19.000 That's why these guys, they show you all straight-laced. 1.00

02:34:22.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

02:34:23.000 You gotta think like him. 1.00

02:34:24.000 There's no way a guy that looks like whatever's gonna con you into selling them an ounce of mushrooms.

02:34:33.000 You follow me? 0.99

02:34:34.000 He's going to have to look like fucking Charles Manson. 1.00

02:34:36.000 He's going to have to eat a couple mushrooms in front of you. 1.00

02:34:38.000 Then you'll get him an ounce.

02:34:39.000 There's no way. 0.99

02:34:40.000 It's common fucking thing. 1.00

02:34:40.000 How many times have agents had to do acid in front of people just blowing a fucking gas? 1.00

02:34:45.000 Tons of it. 0.99

02:34:46.000 Tons of it.

02:34:46.000 The CIA used to do acid all that.

02:34:48.000 That's how acid got into the United States.

02:34:50.000 FBI does it. 1.00

02:34:51.000 Local fucking county. 1.00

02:34:52.000 Listen, they have county sheriff undercovers. 1.00

02:34:54.000 Those are the filthiest undercovers there are.

02:34:56.000 My advice are the filthiest undercovers there are.

02:34:59.000 And once you hang somewhere and you see them come in.

02:35:01.000 See, when I was in Boulder...

02:35:03.000 I went to the Puddle Car Wash.

02:35:05.000 So they had a contract with the town.

02:35:07.000 They would all come in. 0.97

02:35:08.000 They would just go around with confiscated cars.

02:35:10.000 So if you're a cop in Boulder, if you're a cop in the Boulder Sheriff's Department, you don't arrest people in Boulder.

02:35:16.000 You go to the mountains.

02:35:18.000 And the undercovers in the mountains come down to Boulder.

02:35:21.000 So you're taking, let's say I confiscate Joe Rogan's bad-ass car.

02:35:24.000 I'm not going to drive it around Boulder. 0.99

02:35:26.000 That's dumb. 0.98

02:35:27.000 People are going to go, that's Joe Rogan's car. 1.00

02:35:29.000 No, I take that same car and I go to fucking Colorado Springs. 0.99

02:35:34.000 And I become a cop. 0.99

02:35:35.000 And that's how they do it.

02:35:36.000 They don't take your stuff and use it in the same county.

02:35:38.000 I became friends with a lot of those county guys.

02:35:41.000 Those county guys had beards. 0.77

02:35:43.000 They reeked of booze. 0.65

02:35:44.000 They were out every night. 1.00

02:35:45.000 It's weird that they can confiscate your shit. 1.00

02:35:47.000 They confiscate your shit, though. 1.00

02:35:49.000 I watched an episode of Top Gear, the American version, where they confiscated a Corvette Z06 and they turned it into a cop car. 1.00

02:35:55.000 Yeah.

02:35:56.000 It's amazing. 0.73

02:35:56.000 A drug dealer. 0.73

02:35:58.000 Yeah.

02:35:58.000 You're in jail watching TV going, that's my car.

02:36:01.000 That's your fucking car. 1.00

02:36:01.000 Guys, it's amazing about this deficit that we have. 1.00

02:36:06.000 Because if they confiscate all this fucking blow and cash every year, where the fuck does it go? 1.00

02:36:11.000 Where the fuck does it go? 1.00

02:36:12.000 Hey, are you from Grove County? 1.00

02:36:15.000 Yo, Tarzan, you from Grove, Columbus, Grove County High School or something?

02:36:19.000 You know what that is?

02:36:20.000 In Columbus?

02:36:22.000 Worthington.

02:36:22.000 Well, you know what Grove is in Columbus?

02:36:24.000 No.

02:36:25.000 Grove something?

02:36:25.000 I just watched...

02:36:26.000 Grove City.

02:36:27.000 Let me tell you how bad a shape Columbus, Ohio is in Grove City. 1.00

02:36:31.000 To play high school football, you got to pay $150 a semester as a fucking parent for your son to play in a public school, dog. 1.00

02:36:39.000 They had to cancel the program. 1.00

02:36:40.000 The band of Grove City is one of the top five high school bands in the country.

02:36:45.000 It don't exist no more.

02:36:46.000 Don't exist, Don. 1.00

02:36:48.000 So you want to talk to me about sending motherfuckers to Mars and shit again? 1.00

02:36:51.000 You have to pay high school now for your kids to... 1.00

02:36:54.000 And it's going to be a growing thing across the country because of the fucking school budgets. 1.00

02:36:58.000 That if your parents... 0.99

02:37:00.000 If you want to play in high school sports now, by the year 2015, you're going to have to pay for your son to play high school fucking sports, my friends. 1.00

02:37:08.000 So put that in your pipe and fucking smoke it. 0.99

02:37:10.000 It's on tonight with Magic. 1.00

02:37:11.000 If you go home and watch Real Sports, they did a pretty nice thing on Magic motherfucking Johnson. 0.91

02:37:15.000 They said that's the cover. 1.00

02:37:16.000 He went from dead man to a fucking gazillionaire. 1.00

02:37:19.000 He went from a fucking dead man to being a fucking gazillionaire. 1.00

02:37:22.000 So watch Real Sports on HBO. They always do beautiful fucking things with that shit. 1.00

02:37:28.000 Pay $150 each parent for each kid. 1.00

02:37:31.000 Kids, you know, brother, in the city.

02:37:34.000 They can't afford it. 1.00

02:37:35.000 It's ridiculous when you think about how much money gets spent on other shit. 1.00

02:37:38.000 Garbage. 1.00

02:37:39.000 You know, there's $6.8 billion is what we spend a month in Afghanistan. 0.99

02:37:46.000 $6.8 billion.

02:37:49.000 6.8 billion dollars.

02:37:51.000 The astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson said that they could come up with some incredible web space telescope.

02:37:59.000 The government pulled the plug on it because they didn't have the money.

02:38:02.000 They didn't have the money to discover new planets and possibly search for life or figure out what got us here or what could prevent the demise of the world.

02:38:10.000 Instead they got all this money for Afghanistan.

02:38:12.000 Why are we still in Afghanistan anyway?

02:38:14.000 We got Bin Laden. 0.96

02:38:15.000 What's the deal? 0.88

02:38:15.000 Well, if you talk to the really crazy people, they say heroin. 0.88

02:38:19.000 Heroin? 0.84

02:38:20.000 Yeah, they say heroin.

02:38:21.000 The really crazy conspiracy theory guys, they say that it's all a big heroin operation.

02:38:28.000 Well, yeah, because if you want to fund black operations, you do it with drug sales because it's untraceable. 1.00

02:38:33.000 So if the CIA wants to do completely untraceable operations, they just blow, they confiscate it or heroin.

02:38:40.000 Well, when we had guys on from Vice, Vice.com, they were just saying that essentially there's no other way.

02:38:46.000 It could be happening.

02:38:48.000 Because 90 plus percent of the world's opium and heroin comes from Afghanistan.

02:38:53.000 And we're in control of that area. 0.99

02:38:55.000 And there's video footage of soldiers that are actually guarding the fucking poppy fields. 0.99

02:39:00.000 It's craziness. 1.00

02:39:01.000 It's like you look at it and you go, this is bizarre shit. 1.00

02:39:04.000 How is this on television? 0.99

02:39:05.000 How is this real? 0.99

02:39:07.000 It's all the shit that people in conspiracy theory chat rooms have been saying forever. 0.99

02:39:12.000 Well, you got OxyContin. 1.00

02:39:13.000 What's OxyContin?

02:39:15.000 Synthetic heroin.

02:39:16.000 You got all these pills that we're losing our minds over are heroin. 1.00

02:39:19.000 Not to mention, how much of a fucking profit? 0.99

02:39:22.000 I invest $50,000 in a pound of heroin. 1.00

02:39:25.000 I can chop that motherfucker up. 1.00

02:39:27.000 Nobody can make my profits ten times. 1.00

02:39:29.000 I can walk out of there with $450,000. 1.00

02:39:32.000 On a fucking kilo of heroin right now today. 0.99

02:39:35.000 If they could ever really prove that the government has always been selling you heroin... 1.00

02:39:39.000 Please.

02:39:40.000 That would be insane times.

02:39:41.000 If you really found that out...

02:39:43.000 When you say the government, though, it's not really... 0.99

02:39:46.000 They're all different branches and shit. 0.98

02:39:47.000 It's like you can't really blame the FBI if some DEA guys are selling heroin. 0.96

02:39:52.000 You can't blame the NSA if the CIA is doing something.

02:39:56.000 I guess they're kind of all different organizations, but if we found out that one of them was actually...

02:40:01.000 Long-term selling heroin.

02:40:04.000 Woo! 0.99

02:40:04.000 You know, if you watch... 0.99

02:40:05.000 Let's say we all seen American Gangsta.

02:40:08.000 We all saw the movie American Gangsta. 1.00

02:40:10.000 How the fuck does a black guy from Harlem... 1.00

02:40:12.000 Hey, man. 1.00

02:40:14.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:40:15.000 Because you're black. 0.99

02:40:16.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:40:17.000 I'm going to chill. 1.00

02:40:17.000 This is your shit, Joe. 1.00

02:40:18.000 If a black guy... 1.00

02:40:19.000 If a black dude ends up... 0.99

02:40:21.000 You know what's funny? 0.98

02:40:22.000 It's like...

02:40:22.000 It's such a proud moment in black history that you got to fight for the negativity.

02:40:27.000 No, he did that shit. 1.00

02:40:28.000 No. 1.00

02:40:29.000 No, fuck that, Joey. 1.00

02:40:30.000 A black man did this shit. 1.00

02:40:33.000 How does a black dude from Harlem end up in fucking Vietnam cop and heroin, guys? 1.00

02:40:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:40:39.000 You think that gate and that thing was just made open for him?

02:40:42.000 So you're saying he had help.

02:40:42.000 You think that that was?

02:40:43.000 No. 1.00

02:40:44.000 Somebody comes up here and goes, hey, fuck the Guineas. 1.00

02:40:46.000 I know where to get some fucking heroin for sure. 1.00

02:40:48.000 We're going to take you to Thailand. 1.00

02:40:50.000 Yeah, let's go to fucking Thailand. 0.99

02:40:52.000 Not only just to Thailand and into the city, but into the jungles where they fucking process it. 0.99

02:40:56.000 You got to be a wild. 1.00

02:40:57.000 A white dude, a black dude is going to go in there just like that. 1.00

02:41:00.000 That's what you're trying to tell me. 0.97

02:41:01.000 And come back and go in with 200 million cash.

02:41:05.000 Yeah.

02:41:05.000 That's what you're trying to tell me.

02:41:07.000 So he did that alone.

02:41:08.000 And I'm not taking away nothing from no black dude.

02:41:10.000 I'm just saying.

02:41:11.000 I'm just saying.

02:41:14.000 There's no winningness if I fight for this.

02:41:16.000 A brother wouldn't go nowhere with 200 G's.

02:41:18.000 He got 200 G's.

02:41:19.000 I got nowhere to go, dog.

02:41:21.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:41:21.000 I'll sit here to this 200 G's.

02:41:23.000 200 million, whatever the fuck he took over there. 0.99

02:41:25.000 That's a wild way to live your life, man. 0.99

02:41:27.000 A lot of people don't believe that story anyway.

02:41:29.000 No, they don't?

02:41:30.000 Really?

02:41:30.000 Yeah, for real.

02:41:31.000 There's people disputing it in Harlem.

02:41:33.000 Oh, really?

02:41:34.000 What are they saying?

02:41:34.000 They're saying Frank Lucas didn't do that, and they just say he was a chauffeur.

02:41:41.000 There's people that downplay him.

02:41:43.000 Oh.

02:41:43.000 Yeah, he's a chauffeur.

02:41:44.000 He didn't do that.

02:41:45.000 It's just... 1.00

02:41:47.000 There was three or two of those motherfuckers. 1.00

02:41:50.000 There was two or three of those motherfuckers that ran Harlem in the 50s and 60s. 1.00

02:41:54.000 And all they were were the same thing as my father. 0.99

02:41:56.000 My real father came from Cuba. 1.00

02:41:58.000 They needed a fucking face to go in there. 1.00

02:42:01.000 You know, fucking Cubans ain't gonna buy from no Jew. 1.00

02:42:04.000 And the fucking Guineas aren't going to, the blacks ain't going to buy from no Italians. 1.00

02:42:07.000 So they took this fucking, they took a couple black guys and they made them. 1.00

02:42:11.000 They said, listen, we'll cut you 30%. 1.00

02:42:12.000 30% of $500,000 profit, that's a lot of fucking money when you live on the fifth floor of a fucking building, dog. 0.99

02:42:19.000 That's $150,000 a month, you know, times three or four. 0.99

02:42:22.000 So they became pipelines to the black community. 0.78

02:42:27.000 There was no genius there. 0.99

02:42:30.000 The Guineas came to them, they cut it 50 fucking times, and they gave it to the brothers, and the brothers cut it. 1.00

02:42:35.000 Then they fucking sold it. 1.00

02:42:36.000 If you went to New York and you grew up here, how many motherfuckers did you see nodding at the light? 1.00

02:42:42.000 That's why I buy my Coke from white people. 1.00

02:42:46.000 I'm not putting my shit up. 1.00

02:42:47.000 Ian Edwards comic on Twitter, you dirty bitches. 1.00

02:42:51.000 Follow him. 0.99

02:42:52.000 Follow Duncan Trussell on Twitter.

02:42:54.000 T-R-U-S-S-E-L. We've got to end this. 1.00

02:42:57.000 This has been going on for three hours. 1.00

02:42:58.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:42:59.000 Joe Diaz is on Twitter. 1.00

02:43:01.000 Mad Flavor.

02:43:02.000 Mad Flavor.

02:43:03.000 M-A-D Flavor.

02:43:05.000 Thank you to Ting.

02:43:06.000 Thanks for sponsoring this podcast.

02:43:08.000 And if you go to rogan.ting.com, you can sign up and save 50 bucks off of any of the smartphones they have available.

02:43:17.000 It's an awesome service.

02:43:18.000 You don't have to have contracts.

02:43:21.000 You can cancel them anytime you want. 1.00

02:43:22.000 And you still walk away a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:43:25.000 Your money's... 1.00

02:43:26.000 Safer with them.

02:43:27.000 It rolls over.

02:43:28.000 If you don't use your minutes, it rolls over into the next month.

02:43:31.000 You can have multiple people.

02:43:33.000 Yeah, they have a lot of good deals.

02:43:34.000 I didn't know how to roll over.

02:43:35.000 That's even better.

02:43:35.000 Yeah, and they also have, say if you and I had two lines, we could put them on one account and we could split the numbers.

02:43:42.000 Say if you have a family and you want to get a phone for your wife or your girlfriend or whatever or some son that won't leave your fucking house and you've got to pay for this little fucking puke, get them a phone. 0.99

02:43:53.000 Show's over, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

02:43:54.000 We lost a lot of ambition.

02:43:55.000 Lost a lot of energy in this room.

02:43:56.000 Feel it? 1.00

02:43:57.000 Joe Diaz walked out and it was just a fucking vacuum. 0.99

02:44:01.000 He took the love with us. 0.99

02:44:03.000 Thanks to Onnit.com for sponsoring us.

02:44:05.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use a code named ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements.

02:44:11.000 And thank you to everybody who comes to these shows and everybody who came this weekend in North Carolina. 0.96

02:44:16.000 Duncan and I had a great fucking time. 0.97

02:44:18.000 Thank you very much. 0.99

02:44:18.000 Thank you. 0.99

02:44:19.000 That shit was magical, right? 0.99

02:44:20.000 Yeah, that was the best. 1.00

02:44:21.000 They're amazing.

02:44:22.000 Deathsquad.tv, go get yourself some kitty cat shirts by the great Brian Redman.

02:44:27.000 Come see me and Brendan and Tony in Columbus, Ohio.

02:44:31.000 Columbus, Ohio, November 10th, folks, at the Woodlands Tavern.

02:44:36.000 So go and check that out. 0.98

02:44:37.000 And if you've never seen Brendan Walsh, he's a fucking brilliant comedian. 0.95

02:44:40.000 Very, very funny guy. 1.00

02:44:41.000 And of course, Brian is a silly bitch and very funny on stage as well. 1.00

02:44:45.000 And Tony Hinchcliffe is an up-and-comer, very funny kid. 0.99

02:44:48.000 He's a really good writer.

02:44:49.000 I really, really, really like that kid.

02:44:51.000 He's actually opening up for Jeff Garland right now.

02:44:53.000 Bam, son!

02:44:55.000 See what I said? 1.00

02:44:57.000 Don't fucking doubt me, goddammit. 0.99

02:44:58.000 Doug Benson is in the house, ladies and gentlemen, even though he didn't talk. 0.99

02:45:02.000 Powerful Doug Benson.

02:45:03.000 Nothing.

02:45:04.000 Thanks for being here, buddy.

02:45:05.000 Just saying hi, man.

02:45:06.000 I'm just letting the folks know that you're here.

02:45:09.000 You affected this room with your mere presence.

02:45:13.000 Desquad.tv, go get yourself some cats, cat t-shirts.

02:45:17.000 Get yourself...

02:45:18.000 And also recognize where the shows are taking place.

02:45:22.000 You can find out about Ice House shows and all that good stuff.

02:45:25.000 And we have shows here pretty regularly.

02:45:28.000 We're going to do them like Bob, the owner of the Ice House, asked me to do shows here on a regular basis on Wednesday.

02:45:34.000 So that's what we're going to try to do. 0.99

02:45:35.000 So, that's it, you fucking freaks. 0.99

02:45:38.000 We'll see you tomorrow with Amber Lyon. 0.99

02:45:40.000 And Brian, when does Kevin Pereira start?

02:45:43.000 Noon tomorrow.

02:45:44.000 And we actually have Seaman on tomorrow.

02:45:47.000 Beautiful.

02:45:48.000 Talking about the NWA. Oh, that's going to be intense.

02:45:52.000 Straight out of Compton!

02:45:54.000 We're going to be talking about NWA. We say thanks all the time, folks, but we can't say it enough.

02:45:59.000 This has been a very strange ride, especially this last year or so of this podcast.

02:46:05.000 It's a very strange experience, and don't think that we ever take it for granted.

02:46:09.000 Duncan and I talk about it on the phone all the time.

02:46:11.000 We're always constantly laughing about it.

02:46:13.000 Brian and I talk about it. 0.74

02:46:15.000 This is a weird time for all of us, but we appreciate the fuck out of all of it.

02:46:20.000 And all these people that come to these shows, the enthusiasm, the positivity, the friendliness, we're blessed. 0.98

02:46:28.000 We're just lucky as fuck. 0.99

02:46:29.000 And we're not stopping. 0.99

02:46:31.000 We're going to keep doing this.

02:46:33.000 Don't ever worry.

02:46:34.000 We're not going away. 0.97

02:46:35.000 We're going to move forward, press on, get bigger and better, and introduce more cool motherfuckers to you, like Ian Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:46:45.000 Alright, you fucking freaks. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 03, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #272 - Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, Ian Edwards

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript