The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #281 - Bryan Callen

00:00:04.000 And we're doing it again.

00:00:06.000 We're doing it again.

00:00:08.000 That's my new opening song.

00:00:10.000 Good voice.

00:00:10.000 It's nothing.

00:00:11.000 It doesn't even seem like I'm trying.

00:00:13.000 It's just coming out.

00:00:14.000 It's just coming out like that.

00:00:15.000 You know what it is?

00:00:16.000 Because you speak the truth.

00:00:17.000 It's just the truth coming out.

00:00:18.000 The truth coming out in my angel voice.

00:00:20.000 I told you, that's what Fiona Havel said once.

00:00:22.000 I go, how do you sing like that?

00:00:23.000 You didn't even warm up.

00:00:25.000 She goes, what are you talking about?

00:00:26.000 I go, we just ate a big dinner and you just got up and sang.

00:00:28.000 And she goes, I don't know.

00:00:29.000 I just tell the truth and everything else takes care of itself. 1.00

00:00:32.000 Yeah, but that bitch is like the Michael Jordan of sultry songs. 1.00

00:00:36.000 I know. 1.00

00:00:36.000 She could sing the fucking shit out of some music. 1.00

00:00:39.000 Unreal. 1.00

00:00:39.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by... 1.00

00:00:43.000 Who's today?

00:00:44.000 Oh, well, first of all, Onnit.com.

00:00:47.000 That's our main sponsor.

00:00:48.000 Onnit is the supplement slash lifestyle company.

00:00:52.000 I don't like calling anything a lifestyle company.

00:00:54.000 We're going to have to come up with a good name for what it is.

00:00:57.000 It sounds so not Joe Rogan. 0.98

00:00:59.000 It sounds so gay and fake and forced. 0.99

00:01:02.000 We sell a lifestyle. 0.95

00:01:03.000 We were talking to this guy who produces podcasts for a friend of ours.

00:01:08.000 And we were at the improv.

00:01:10.000 And Homeboy battered us with these industry terms.

00:01:14.000 Weren't you there in that conversation?

00:01:16.000 Yeah.

00:01:16.000 We were like, you guys done a really good job of projecting your brand.

00:01:19.000 I know exactly who you're talking about.

00:01:20.000 Yeah, really good job of projecting your brand.

00:01:23.000 I was like, what the? 1.00

00:01:23.000 I want to kill you. 1.00

00:01:24.000 I'm going to kill you if you don't get away from me. 1.00

00:01:26.000 I'll kill you if you're talking this way. 1.00

00:01:27.000 I'll fucking joke you. 1.00

00:01:28.000 The point is, I'm not thinking about a brand. 0.99

00:01:29.000 I'm thinking about doing something good. 1.00

00:01:31.000 You're a goddamn vampire, sir. 1.00

00:01:33.000 You don't even know. 1.00

00:01:33.000 Let's be honest. 1.00

00:01:34.000 When you say promoting a brand, it takes away the purity of the intention, right?

00:01:38.000 What are you saying?

00:01:39.000 Let's be honest.

00:01:40.000 It's the Onnit cult is what you call it.

00:01:42.000 Well, I don't even want to name it, but you know what it is, folks.

00:01:46.000 Listen, man.

00:01:47.000 I'm not susceptible to culty stuff, but everything you sell, I'm like, I want those chimp. 1.00

00:01:52.000 I'm 45. I'm like, oh, sorry.

00:01:54.000 I can't say it, but I just want those, and then I want the jerky, and I want...

00:01:58.000 It's all stuff I use. 0.99

00:02:00.000 Well, you know, there's a lack of a celebration of fucking exciting manly shit in this country. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Of course. 0.99

00:02:07.000 There's a big suppression of it.

00:02:09.000 And we at Onnit are against that wholeheartedly.

00:02:14.000 And we think, you know, take supplements. 0.99

00:02:15.000 If we had stuff that makes your dick hard, we're going to look into that. 0.99

00:02:18.000 If we got some hard dick natural supplements, we'll get you those. 0.99

00:02:22.000 We'll find out if they're any good.

00:02:23.000 We'll run some tests and we'll get you those.

00:02:26.000 If they exist... 0.98

00:02:27.000 But the stuff that we have, everything that we have is shit that we use. 0.97

00:02:31.000 We use the best quality ingredients. 0.97

00:02:34.000 We put together the best possible combination of these things, whether it's for alpha brain or new mood.

00:02:40.000 New mood is a fascinating one because, you know, there's a lot of people in this country that are on stimulants.

00:02:46.000 Well, there's a lot of people that are on stimulants, but there's a lot of people that are on SSRIs, they're on antidepressants, they're on...

00:02:51.000 Things that essentially stimulate serotonin in your mind or add it to your brain.

00:02:57.000 You can add it artificially.

00:02:59.000 Or 5-HTP and L-Tryptofan are two different ways that it boosts your brain's production of serotonin.

00:03:06.000 And 5-HTP has been explained to me.

00:03:11.000 It converts into serotonin and L-tryptophan converts into 5-HTP. So when you put them together, it's like a time-release thing.

00:03:17.000 It's just science about nutrition and what is effective for what aspect of performance, whether it's mental performance like alpha brain or physical performance like Shroom Tech Sport.

00:03:31.000 All of it is described on Onnit.

00:03:34.000 We describe why we're selling it.

00:03:35.000 This is what it is.

00:03:36.000 This is how we got involved in it.

00:03:38.000 These are the people that tell you it's good.

00:03:40.000 And we're dealing with professional poker players. 0.98

00:03:43.000 A lot of pro athletes love all the different products because we're just trying to find the most effective shit out there. 0.99

00:03:50.000 What's the best shit? 0.99

00:03:51.000 Let's sell it. 1.00

00:03:52.000 We were talking about kale shakes.

00:03:54.000 I make kale shakes almost every morning.

00:03:56.000 And I have it all week, though.

00:03:57.000 Three days in a row.

00:03:58.000 And I do feel a difference. 1.00

00:03:59.000 I feel like a fat fuck today. 1.00

00:04:01.000 Your skin is positively glowy. 1.00

00:04:04.000 Drinking a lot of water.

00:04:05.000 So we decided to get Blendtec blenders.

00:04:07.000 We found out those are the best.

00:04:08.000 We're selling those.

00:04:09.000 We sell them $200 less than the manufactured suggested retail price. 0.99

00:04:12.000 Just because we're trying to sell you the best shit possible at the lowest price possible. 0.99

00:04:17.000 That is the number one goal with Onnit. 1.00

00:04:19.000 And everything we sell you is shit we use. 0.99

00:04:22.000 Just don't sell scarves. 1.00

00:04:22.000 Kettlebells. 1.00

00:04:23.000 No scarves.

00:04:24.000 Yeah, I'm against old dudes with scarves. 0.99

00:04:26.000 Like, I'm a big Randy Couture fan.

00:04:28.000 The honest scarves!

00:04:28.000 But he's been wearing a scarf lately, and I just want to talk to him.

00:04:31.000 Does he really?

00:04:31.000 Yeah.

00:04:32.000 Randy Couture, you wear a... 1.00

00:04:32.000 He's just such a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:04:33.000 I know, you wear a tutu. 1.00

00:04:34.000 He can wear a dead bird around his neck.

00:04:35.000 Right.

00:04:36.000 Who cares?

00:04:37.000 Like a ballet.

00:04:37.000 He could be in a leotard and I'd still be like, stay away from that.

00:04:39.000 Yeah, he could go out to clubs with a legitimate albatross around his neck.

00:04:42.000 Of course.

00:04:43.000 And you wouldn't care.

00:04:44.000 Speaking of which, did you see Matt McConaughey in Magic Mike?

00:04:48.000 No, I missed that. 0.99

00:04:48.000 I never met anybody who wanted to have sex with themselves more than that guy. 0.99

00:04:51.000 Really? 0.99

00:04:51.000 Oh, God! 0.99

00:04:53.000 I mean, I guarantee he jerks off to his highlight reel.

00:04:55.000 He basically has just stock footage of him stretching and doing push-ups.

00:04:59.000 Are you talking about his character or Matt McConaughey, the human?

00:05:01.000 I'm talking about Matt McConaughey, the human.

00:05:03.000 How do you know that?

00:05:03.000 He's an actor.

00:05:04.000 Watch Magic Mike!

00:05:06.000 It's like, why did you take that role?

00:05:07.000 Why did you even take that role?

00:05:09.000 You took that role so you could wear outfits and go...

00:05:14.000 That's what he does.

00:05:15.000 I've never seen him.

00:05:16.000 Okay, well now I have to go see that.

00:05:18.000 I wish we weren't talking about the commercials.

00:05:20.000 Let's talk about that more.

00:05:21.000 Sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:05:21.000 Because I need to know about this.

00:05:22.000 Because I saw the ad for that.

00:05:24.000 I got a little panicky.

00:05:25.000 Oh, no. 0.71

00:05:25.000 The ads were so gay that I was like, what's going on here? 0.71

00:05:28.000 What is this? 0.94

00:05:29.000 Tatum O'Neill or whatever that guy's name is. 1.00

00:05:31.000 Channing Tatum.

00:05:31.000 He's awesome.

00:05:32.000 By the way, he couldn't look better.

00:05:33.000 Oh, he's the handsomest guy ever.

00:05:35.000 I hung out with him in Vegas for a weekend.

00:05:37.000 Women literally start just ovulating in his presence, and he's a great guy.

00:05:40.000 They must panic.

00:05:41.000 He was an athlete.

00:05:42.000 What's going on with the sound, Brian? 0.52

00:05:43.000 That sounded like a poo.

00:05:45.000 When he's talking, it's getting really loud or crackling.

00:05:47.000 Is he screaming in a microphone?

00:05:48.000 Yeah, probably.

00:05:48.000 But it's not.

00:05:49.000 It's normal.

00:05:50.000 I'm using my stage voice.

00:05:51.000 And now mine is down.

00:05:52.000 When I talk about Channing Tatum.

00:05:53.000 I have to turn it down, so if you scream in a voice, it's not going to pop the mics.

00:05:56.000 Yeah, but it doesn't sound good like this. 0.96

00:05:57.000 It's very gay that I hear myself. 0.75

00:05:59.000 The easiest thing if you... 0.92

00:06:00.000 Well, something's wrong.

00:06:01.000 I'm not hearing myself.

00:06:03.000 You're not hearing yourself right now?

00:06:04.000 Not like a like.

00:06:05.000 There you go.

00:06:07.000 If you scream, just talk to the side of it.

00:06:09.000 Get your microphone technique together.

00:06:11.000 I started talking about Channing Tatum and my voice was like this all of a sudden.

00:06:14.000 But it shouldn't crack that easy, Brian.

00:06:16.000 There's just like some little crackle when it gets high.

00:06:18.000 You hear that?

00:06:19.000 Yeah, because you're screaming into a microphone.

00:06:21.000 It doesn't usually do that.

00:06:22.000 When you're on stage, it happens.

00:06:24.000 You just can't hear it because it's a big stage.

00:06:26.000 But when you're in a recording studio, if you're screaming in a microphone, you're going to blow a microphone.

00:06:29.000 Don't think so, dude.

00:06:31.000 I don't think...

00:06:31.000 This is a new thing.

00:06:32.000 Here's what we could do.

00:06:32.000 We could turn it down like this.

00:06:33.000 You could turn your headphones up right now, and it'll be really quiet.

00:06:37.000 Oh, I could turn the headphones up?

00:06:37.000 Yeah.

00:06:39.000 You're just not going to pop the mic.

00:06:40.000 Where's the headphone gauge?

00:06:42.000 Right.

00:06:42.000 Just try turning one of these knobs right here.

00:06:47.000 Check, check.

00:06:48.000 I like tacos.

00:06:49.000 I like tacos.

00:06:50.000 Going to be in Columbus, Ohio this week, or in Ohio.

00:06:54.000 If you want to go to a show, go to deskwad.tv.

00:06:56.000 Going to be with Tom Segura, Doug Benson.

00:07:00.000 We got Dayton, Ohio on the 8th, which is Thursday.

00:07:03.000 Cincinnati on Friday.

00:07:05.000 And then Saturday we have Columbus, Ohio.

00:07:08.000 And if you use the coupon code in Cincinnati, REDCROSS, you get two-for-one tickets, and also 10% of the portion of the ticket sales goes to Hurricane Relief for Indiana.

00:07:20.000 And... 0.99

00:07:22.000 Why do you keep making up states that you didn't get hit by hurricanes, you son of a bitch? 1.00

00:07:26.000 Does that sound better? 1.00

00:07:27.000 Yeah, much better.

00:07:28.000 Yeah, the microphone cord, that's what it was.

00:07:30.000 The headphone jack was really, really low.

00:07:34.000 On it, you know, we started carrying things like kettlebells and battle ropes, and we're going to continue to supply the craziest... 0.98

00:07:45.000 Fitness shit, we can get our hands on. 0.98

00:07:47.000 Probably club bells. 1.00

00:07:48.000 We'll move into those next.

00:07:49.000 Those are pretty badass.

00:07:50.000 You ever use those?

00:07:51.000 Yeah, I've seen those.

00:07:51.000 I just started doing those.

00:07:52.000 You do that shield cast thing over the shoulders.

00:07:57.000 Fantastic for the wrists and the forearms and great for functional strength.

00:08:01.000 So we'll probably get involved in club bells eventually too.

00:08:04.000 All the stuff we use though is stuff that would improve your strength and your conditioning if you're doing like jiu-jitsu or any kind of athletics. 0.96

00:08:12.000 It's all just about shit for functional strength.

00:08:15.000 If you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements, including hemp force. 0.97

00:08:20.000 We have hemp force protein powder that's made out of raw hemp, which, by the way, you can't grow in America.

00:08:27.000 You can buy it.

00:08:28.000 Colorado made marijuana legal this week.

00:08:31.000 They did?

00:08:31.000 They might, today.

00:08:32.000 It's very possible.

00:08:33.000 The polls show that it was going to pass.

00:08:35.000 Yeah, but then can't the federal government come in and nullify that?

00:08:37.000 Yeah, they can. 1.00

00:08:38.000 Yeah, those cunts. 0.99

00:08:39.000 But we sell hemp. 0.99

00:08:41.000 This hemp protein powder does not make you test positive for marijuana.

00:08:45.000 It's completely non-psychoactive.

00:08:47.000 It's just related to it, or the male, the plant, or whatever.

00:08:51.000 And we have to buy it from Canada.

00:08:54.000 We can't grow it over here. 1.00

00:08:55.000 It's fucking so ridiculous. 0.99

00:08:56.000 I guess because people would just grow weed. 1.00

00:08:58.000 Go, dude, I totally thought I was growing hemp.

00:09:00.000 I didn't even know.

00:09:01.000 Did you hear?

00:09:02.000 I heard somebody already told me last night that somebody from Israel found out a way to take out the highness out of marijuana, so you're just getting the... 0.80

00:09:11.000 CBDs.

00:09:11.000 Yeah.

00:09:12.000 What a jerk that Israeli Jew is. 1.00

00:09:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:17.000 I want to make weed not as fun. 0.99

00:09:20.000 Instead of doing cancer research, I'm just gonna ruin everybody's fucking life. 0.98

00:09:24.000 Well, the idea, Brian, is that some people just want to be healed from cancer. 0.99

00:09:28.000 They don't want to get high. 0.98

00:09:29.000 So you're like, getting high is more important than your cancer, silly. 0.99

00:09:32.000 Right. 0.99

00:09:33.000 But that's not true.

00:09:33.000 For some people, they don't want to get the paranoia.

00:09:35.000 They just want to cure their diseases.

00:09:38.000 Combats nausea.

00:09:39.000 Lowers interocular pressure if you have glaucoma.

00:09:42.000 That's why glaucoma patients take it.

00:09:44.000 Oh, is that right?

00:09:44.000 Yeah.

00:09:45.000 Anyway, that hemp shit, we got to get it from Canada. 0.99

00:09:47.000 It's not cheap, but if you buy a Blendtec blender, you get a free one. 1.00

00:09:51.000 Boom! 0.99

00:09:51.000 Codename Rogan saves you 10% off any and all supplements. 0.99

00:09:55.000 This weekend, Balboa Theater, Joey Diaz and me.

00:09:58.000 That is this Saturday night. 0.95

00:10:00.000 I'm fucking very fired up about that. 0.97

00:10:02.000 I can't wait. 1.00

00:10:02.000 San Diego is the shit. 1.00

00:10:04.000 I will be in helium this weekend. 1.00

00:10:06.000 Powerful.

00:10:07.000 Friday and Saturday.

00:10:08.000 Which one?

00:10:08.000 Portland or Philly?

00:10:08.000 No, Philly.

00:10:09.000 You can get your tickets at heliumcomedy.com. 1.00

00:10:11.000 Oh, that fucking club crackles. 0.98

00:10:13.000 That's one of the best clubs ever. 1.00

00:10:15.000 So if you're in Philly, come see me.

00:10:17.000 Helium. 1.00

00:10:17.000 Philly is one of the greatest cities ever because it's the perfect combination of smart people who will fucking punch you. 1.00

00:10:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:10:24.000 There's always a palpable aggression in the air.

00:10:27.000 Yeah, it's very Boston-like, but different.

00:10:28.000 Every athlete I talk to is a football player like Michael Irvin.

00:10:30.000 I go, what were the worst fans?

00:10:32.000 Philly.

00:10:33.000 Yeah.

00:10:33.000 Philly.

00:10:34.000 He hurt his neck in Philly.

00:10:35.000 They booed him.

00:10:35.000 They're like, boo.

00:10:36.000 Usually they clapped.

00:10:37.000 They're like, ah, get off.

00:10:38.000 Do you remember that? 1.00

00:10:39.000 Fucking start the commercial, Brian. 1.00

00:10:41.000 Stop it. 1.00

00:10:41.000 Stop the commercial. 1.00

00:10:42.000 It's over.

00:10:43.000 Start the podcast.

00:10:44.000 We're going to just do it.

00:10:46.000 There's nothing else to talk about.

00:10:48.000 Deathsquad.tv.

00:10:49.000 Go get yourself a kitty cat t-shirt. 1.00

00:10:50.000 You fucks. 1.00

00:11:00.000 We always do this, dude. 1.00

00:11:02.000 We have these conversations and they go from... 0.97

00:11:04.000 I have just a shitty... 0.92

00:11:05.000 I'm married to this method of doing commercials like that. 0.98

00:11:08.000 Yeah.

00:11:09.000 Well, sometimes it's okay, but other times I'm like, wait, this is 20 minutes of a commercial that we're doing.

00:11:13.000 But it's not always.

00:11:14.000 I mean, it's conversations, too.

00:11:15.000 Yeah.

00:11:16.000 It would be nice if I could figure out how to shorten it.

00:11:18.000 But the problem is then, you know, it weaves itself into conversations that would make, like, great podcasts sometimes.

00:11:23.000 We should just do commercials in the middle of the podcast.

00:11:26.000 Yeah.

00:11:26.000 I think it's great the way you do it.

00:11:28.000 Does anybody else...

00:11:29.000 Most guys, they stop and read it in the middle of their podcasts.

00:11:32.000 How's people doing it now?

00:11:33.000 I like the way you do it, which is organically get into it.

00:11:36.000 The problem is sometimes it goes into other conversations.

00:11:39.000 You don't want it to be a part of the commercial.

00:11:41.000 I don't know, I like that you believe in every product you endorse. 0.99

00:11:43.000 Well, we're lucky as shit. 0.97

00:11:45.000 It doesn't sound like an advertisement is what I mean. 0.96

00:11:47.000 Yeah, the only things that we're being advertised by right now is all like Ting, which is an awesome mobile company, no contracts.

00:11:55.000 We went with them because they use Sprint's backbone, so it's really good service.

00:12:01.000 But you can just cancel.

00:12:02.000 You can make joint accounts.

00:12:04.000 Like you and I could share an account.

00:12:05.000 We share minutes.

00:12:06.000 If you don't use your minutes, like say if you use like what a lower priced thing would be instead of what you paid for, well then you get discounted on your next bill.

00:12:14.000 It's like they're like super ethical and super fair.

00:12:17.000 So that's why we went with them.

00:12:19.000 Ting.

00:12:20.000 The podcast is weird enough as it is, so it's like big companies probably wouldn't want to get involved with it.

00:12:28.000 So it allows you to choose from people that are taking chances, like the Ting people or the Onnit people. 0.79

00:12:33.000 I also think what's really unique about it is the fact that you can pinpoint exactly who your niche audience is.

00:12:40.000 You're talking to very specific people that are interested in it. 0.99

00:12:44.000 Yeah, well, you know, and it changes that audience a little bit too as they see the excitement of their shit. 0.75

00:12:50.000 I mean, one of the cool things about having cool friends is that you get to find out about cool things that they're into that maybe you didn't know. 0.95

00:12:58.000 Right.

00:12:58.000 You know, when you talk to somebody, like, Say if you never knew about jiu-jitsu and you were hanging out with Eddie Bravo and you really had no idea and you're talking to this guy and all of a sudden he starts telling you about jiu-jitsu and you'll be like, there's a whole thing I didn't even know about that's awesome!

00:13:15.000 Holy shit! 0.95

00:13:16.000 It invigorates you and fires you up. 1.00

00:13:19.000 I think that's the biggest thing.

00:13:21.000 One of the problems with staying in one place your whole life is you limit your exposure.

00:13:25.000 To everything.

00:13:26.000 And nowadays, though, the good news is you can be in one place and expose yourself to everything if you know where to look.

00:13:33.000 That never used to be the case.

00:13:35.000 The world is so much different now than when we were getting out of high school.

00:13:41.000 It's like we were living in the dark ages.

00:13:45.000 That's right.

00:13:45.000 It really is.

00:13:46.000 Well, because you're constantly exposed.

00:13:48.000 A little bit like if you look at how wrestling was in the 80s.

00:13:52.000 And then when the wall came down, the Eastern Europeans, the Russians, everybody came over and shared all their secrets.

00:13:56.000 Wrestling, even at a high school level, was so completely different in a lot of ways than it was way back.

00:14:02.000 I think it does.

00:14:22.000 Well, I just think it's unavoidable.

00:14:24.000 It just seems to be that that's the way it just goes with everything.

00:14:26.000 There's greats from the past in all endeavors, but in stand-up comedy, in fighting, I don't think anybody from the past truly holds up.

00:14:36.000 I know.

00:14:36.000 If I look at, like, a Joe Louis, and I imagine what would happen if Joe Louis had to fight Vladimir Klitschko, I'd be like, Jesus.

00:14:43.000 A whole different thing.

00:14:43.000 That's not even a...

00:14:44.000 Klitschko's barely a human.

00:14:46.000 Right.

00:14:46.000 I mean, he's a totally new species of human.

00:14:49.000 That's right. 0.98

00:14:49.000 6'7", 250 fucking pounds of shredded muscle, who's got a doctorate, maybe two, you know? 0.98

00:14:58.000 Like, smart as shit. 1.00

00:15:00.000 Overachiever, man. 1.00

00:15:01.000 Just completely boxing your face in, you know? 1.00

00:15:03.000 And doesn't take any stupid chances, just keeps fucking punching you in the face, and you can't punch him. 1.00

00:15:08.000 Good luck, Joe. 1.00

00:15:09.000 Get out there and do it for America. 0.92

00:15:11.000 He's a Nazi, that Klitschko. 0.95

00:15:13.000 Go get him, Joe Lewis! 1.00

00:15:15.000 Joe Lewis would get fucked up, dude. 0.99

00:15:17.000 The only guy I think, there's a few guys, like Ali, of course, would have been great in any era. 0.99

00:15:22.000 But I always said that if you put Mike Tyson against Ali, Mike Tyson would have stormed him.

00:15:27.000 Well, yeah, but what he said is this.

00:15:28.000 Ali said, you know, boxing people say, yeah, Tyson would have stormed him maybe the first time because he's so powerful.

00:15:35.000 And guess what?

00:15:36.000 When they fought the second time, Ali would have figured him out.

00:15:39.000 That's the difference.

00:15:40.000 Maybe.

00:15:40.000 Maybe not.

00:15:41.000 And by the way, by the way, Ali, remember something.

00:15:44.000 Ali took, it was 220 pounds.

00:15:46.000 Right.

00:15:46.000 Which is a big man without lifting.

00:15:48.000 A big man.

00:15:48.000 Yeah.

00:15:49.000 Oh, and by the way, he also fought, I think, nine rounds against Frazier with a broken jaw.

00:15:54.000 The dude could take power.

00:15:55.000 That was Ken Norton.

00:15:57.000 It was Norton, I'm sorry.

00:15:58.000 But if you watch what Frazier did in those amazing fights, and the hooks, and just landing in his face, and he just kept fighting.

00:16:06.000 He took incredible shots.

00:16:07.000 He took such incredible punishment.

00:16:09.000 And I think his ability to kind of rope and move with shots was a huge part of it.

00:16:14.000 For sure.

00:16:14.000 Smarter than anybody and got into your head.

00:16:16.000 Yeah.

00:16:17.000 You know, look what he did to Sonny Liston.

00:16:18.000 He realized Sonny Liston was just the strongest man in the world.

00:16:20.000 He said, the one thing Sonny Liston's afraid of is a crazy person.

00:16:23.000 Yeah.

00:16:23.000 Sonny's afraid of a crazy person.

00:16:25.000 And when he did that weigh-in, Sonny actually said, keep him away from me. 0.68

00:16:30.000 I think he's going to bite me.

00:16:31.000 Yeah.

00:16:32.000 He was afraid he was going to get bit.

00:16:33.000 I just think skill-wise, I think Ali was great, but if you look at the Ali from the Joe Frazier fight on, if you compare that guy to Tyson when he was against, say, Michael Spinks, when he was just the ultimate destroyer.

00:16:45.000 He was too blindingly fast and a really good boxer.

00:16:48.000 Unbelievably fast.

00:16:50.000 That was the thing that people missed in the whole Tyson thing.

00:16:52.000 They were like, it's power.

00:16:53.000 Of course he had great power, but it was the way he delivered it.

00:16:56.000 He delivered it like half as fast.

00:16:58.000 Like, really, like he was twice as fast as like the Tony Tubbses of the world, the Pinklin Thomas.

00:17:04.000 I remember he fought Razor Ruddock, and Razor Ruddock is the biggest, strongest looking man on the planet.

00:17:10.000 Big dude, man.

00:17:10.000 He was hitting him in the forehead with hooks and sending him, like, sitting down in the air, like, whoo!

00:17:18.000 Now, Rodda got back up, but finally the ref was like, I'm stopping this because somebody's going to lose their brain.

00:17:24.000 Yeah, there was like a few years where he was just unbelievably good.

00:17:30.000 But I think that's like the case with basketball.

00:17:32.000 I think that's the case with baseball.

00:17:34.000 I think it's the case with all sports.

00:17:36.000 It absolutely is.

00:17:37.000 That everything just gets better, and it's really fascinating.

00:17:39.000 What were training techniques?

00:17:40.000 It's not just training techniques.

00:17:41.000 It's steroids.

00:17:43.000 That's the big one.

00:17:44.000 Designer drugs.

00:17:44.000 When they can gene dope, you know you're going to have 400-pound preternaturally fast athletes.

00:17:50.000 So then it becomes...

00:17:51.000 Yeah, it's 100%.

00:17:52.000 It's on the way.

00:17:53.000 I can't wait.

00:17:53.000 They're going to keep getting bigger.

00:17:55.000 Have you ever met a real giant pro football player?

00:17:57.000 Yes, I have.

00:17:58.000 I saw a real...

00:17:59.000 He was really rowdy.

00:18:00.000 And he was at this club in Phoenix.

00:18:02.000 And it was like a guy who was around a bunch of kids who were just like, All right, settle down.

00:18:07.000 Settle down.

00:18:07.000 Let me through.

00:18:08.000 That's exactly right.

00:18:09.000 It was almost like...

00:18:10.000 Silverback, I'm a baboon.

00:18:11.000 He was gigantic!

00:18:13.000 The dude was at least 400 pounds and he wasn't fat.

00:18:16.000 No, an athletic. 1.00

00:18:17.000 Yeah, I was like, I can't believe that's a fucking man. 0.99

00:18:21.000 Rich Incognito, I met at the Playboy Mansion, 6'4", 305 pounds, just a blonde silverback. 1.00

00:18:29.000 Blonde as it gets.

00:18:30.000 And literally, it doesn't even look like he lifts.

00:18:32.000 Everything is proportioned.

00:18:33.000 His head, his shoulders, his hips.

00:18:35.000 You know who was one of the scariest guys that didn't get his duke?

00:18:39.000 He came along at the wrong time.

00:18:41.000 Do you remember Tom Erickson?

00:18:44.000 Tom Big Cat Erickson?

00:18:45.000 Oh, a fighter? 0.99

00:18:46.000 Fucking wrestler who was 300 pounds, natural, gigantic. 0.99

00:18:51.000 What did they call him the polar bear? 0.99

00:18:52.000 No, that was Paul Varlins.

00:18:55.000 What did they call Tom?

00:18:58.000 I don't remember what they called him, but he was a beast, dude.

00:19:00.000 This guy, Rich Uncognito, I said, what do you squat?

00:19:03.000 He goes, I don't know.

00:19:04.000 I mean, in the eights, I think.

00:19:07.000 Oh, Big Cat.

00:19:08.000 That's what it was.

00:19:08.000 Big Cat.

00:19:09.000 That's his nickname.

00:19:10.000 Big Cat.

00:19:11.000 Because he was a big dude.

00:19:12.000 He moved like a cat. 1.00

00:19:13.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

00:19:13.000 He was Tom Erickson. 0.99

00:19:15.000 He was just...

00:19:15.000 Speaking of big dudes that move like a cat, what about the Russian guy, the Wolfman?

00:19:20.000 Carellin?

00:19:20.000 No, no, no, forget him.

00:19:22.000 That guy's legendary.

00:19:24.000 The last time he lost, he was 16 years old.

00:19:26.000 And then Rulon Gardner beat him based on one of the mistakes he made.

00:19:29.000 I saw the match.

00:19:30.000 Well, that was like a new rule.

00:19:32.000 When you get a guy to separate their hands, it's one point.

00:19:35.000 Dude, when he won the Olympic gold against a Persian-American wrestler who had wrestled him 19 times and never beat him... 0.60

00:19:43.000 And as he was winning the gold, he had him and he was whispering in his ear.

00:19:47.000 He was whispering, essentially English saying, you can never beat me.

00:19:53.000 It's not possible for you to beat me.

00:19:55.000 Is that what you're saying to him?

00:19:57.000 I am your master?

00:19:59.000 Something like that.

00:19:59.000 If you see when they are awesome, when he had the silver medal and he didn't beat Karelin, he had a silver medal in the Olympics and he's up there.

00:20:08.000 Somebody give me his name, and he's crying.

00:20:10.000 He's crying because he just realizes that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he trains, there is that man named Corellon that he will never beat.

00:20:19.000 Corellon was born.

00:20:20.000 He was 15 pounds.

00:20:21.000 6'4", 305 pounds.

00:20:23.000 That's how much he weighed?

00:20:25.000 Yeah.

00:20:25.000 He trains in the snow in Siberia.

00:20:28.000 He lives in Siberia. 1.00

00:20:29.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

00:20:31.000 Well, he was 15 pounds when he was born. 1.00

00:20:33.000 And he has small parents.

00:20:34.000 His parents are small.

00:20:35.000 Yeah, I think his grandfather or someone was a bear, you know, some giant guy.

00:20:39.000 Karelin was also mean and a very, very serious competitor.

00:20:42.000 Like a mean competitor.

00:20:44.000 Would not lose.

00:20:45.000 And would play games with you and talk to you.

00:20:48.000 And by the way, you know why he got really famous when we started hearing about him?

00:20:53.000 Is he would suplex people and break their necks. 0.82

00:20:55.000 He'd suplex you and drop you on your neck. 0.97

00:20:58.000 And that's where people were just so afraid of him. 0.59

00:21:02.000 He was too strong.

00:21:03.000 He would get guys, they would literally completely flatten themselves out on the mat to try to resist being taken down.

00:21:10.000 They didn't even try to scramble.

00:21:35.000 That's so weird.

00:21:36.000 You would have a hard time doing that with a small child.

00:21:39.000 Most people would have a hard time.

00:21:41.000 He was also very flexible.

00:21:43.000 He was just a huge mongoose man.

00:21:45.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:21:46.000 He wasn't like a big stupid power lifter looking dude who couldn't move. 1.00

00:21:50.000 No. 1.00

00:21:50.000 He was like a big giant. 1.00

00:21:51.000 He was all back and traps in relation to his chest.

00:21:55.000 He wasn't a bodybuilder.

00:21:56.000 His knees and his hips and his legs.

00:21:59.000 There's that one famous photo of him hoisting a guy up in the air, and he's just got this look of rage in his eyes, and he's so terrified.

00:22:06.000 It just like embodied those Cold War Olympics, you know, where everybody was afraid of the Russians.

00:22:11.000 Just a robot, man.

00:22:14.000 He was like the real Drago, but better, you know?

00:22:17.000 That's exactly right.

00:22:18.000 There's a photo.

00:22:19.000 I've got to pull up this photo.

00:22:20.000 I think our boy...

00:22:21.000 Oh, God.

00:22:24.000 The great Russian MMA fighter, Fedor.

00:22:29.000 He has a little of that in him.

00:22:30.000 Yeah, but he's a little bit more calm.

00:22:32.000 He's not as big.

00:22:33.000 It's a different thing.

00:22:35.000 Brian, pull this up.

00:22:37.000 Pull up Alexander...

00:22:38.000 Karelin.

00:22:39.000 Pull up Karelin, and there's a photo of him with a t-shirt on.

00:22:43.000 It's black and white.

00:22:44.000 Like that, right?

00:22:44.000 Oh, dude.

00:22:45.000 This is the photo.

00:22:47.000 K-A-R... Look at that photo. 1.00

00:22:50.000 See that photo?

00:22:51.000 That's the one we're looking for.

00:22:52.000 Let me see that.

00:22:52.000 Oh, I haven't actually seen that.

00:22:53.000 K-A-R-E-L-I-N. Jesus! 1.00

00:22:57.000 Oh my god! 0.99

00:22:58.000 That's so fucking scary. 0.99

00:23:00.000 Oh my god! 0.99

00:23:01.000 There's a photo of him about to throw this guy to the air.

00:23:04.000 It is a different species.

00:23:04.000 If you look at him and me, it's a different species.

00:23:06.000 He's the Hulk.

00:23:06.000 I'm 170. That's the real Hulk.

00:23:08.000 He's like the real Hulk.

00:23:09.000 He doesn't even have a mouthpiece in. 1.00

00:23:11.000 He's not even wearing a mouthpiece, this fucking animal. 1.00

00:23:13.000 Of course not. 1.00

00:23:14.000 Why?

00:23:14.000 He's wrestling children.

00:23:16.000 Exactly.

00:23:16.000 What are they gonna do?

00:23:17.000 Fatten his lip?

00:23:18.000 No. 1.00

00:23:19.000 He's a fucking monster. 1.00

00:23:20.000 He's wrestling children. 1.00

00:23:21.000 He's wrestling children.

00:23:22.000 It is weird to be that much better at something than everybody else.

00:23:24.000 Not just that much bigger.

00:23:25.000 I mean, that much better, but that much bigger.

00:23:27.000 Like, that guy was ridiculously big.

00:23:30.000 Arguably, in some ways, the toughest, strongest man in the world.

00:23:32.000 Did you get a photo of it, Brian?

00:23:33.000 There's gotta be somebody out there. 0.99

00:23:34.000 Fucking windows. 0.99

00:23:35.000 Oh, it crashed? 1.00

00:23:36.000 Why are we still using that?

00:23:38.000 I don't know.

00:23:40.000 Yeah.

00:23:40.000 What a picture.

00:23:41.000 He was a terrifying dude. 0.99

00:23:43.000 He was so goddamn strong. 0.98

00:23:47.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:23:48.000 You wonder what a guy like that would have done in MMA. I should have binged it.

00:23:51.000 Look at all these Corellin dogs. 1.00

00:23:53.000 Fighting is different, too, though, isn't it?

00:23:55.000 Yeah, well, whenever you're punching somebody in the face, it neutralizes a lot of stuff.

00:24:01.000 This is not the guy you're looking for.

00:24:03.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:24:04.000 It's spelled K-A-R-E-L-I-N. His name is Alexander.

00:24:09.000 Alexander Corellin.

00:24:13.000 This is awful.

00:24:14.000 What, bing it?

00:24:15.000 He had a dog change.

00:24:15.000 No, I don't want to bing it.

00:24:16.000 I was just kidding.

00:24:17.000 I would never do that.

00:24:19.000 Yeah, that's the dude.

00:24:20.000 That would go to images.

00:24:23.000 And the one down with him in the tank top gritting his teeth.

00:24:26.000 See that? 1.00

00:24:26.000 Click on that shit. 1.00

00:24:27.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

00:24:29.000 Look at the arms on him. 1.00

00:24:31.000 Dude, are you kidding me?

00:24:33.000 That is so scary.

00:24:34.000 Hold on, let me just look at that.

00:24:35.000 That's so weird.

00:24:37.000 That is so scary.

00:24:37.000 Look at his forearms and his...

00:24:39.000 Look at the ferocity in his eyes, man.

00:24:42.000 Look at his Joker face.

00:24:45.000 That's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.

00:24:47.000 That was a real deal. 0.60

00:24:49.000 That is a naked gorilla.

00:24:51.000 That was the real deal.

00:24:52.000 There's a full photo of that too where you get to see his full body.

00:24:55.000 It's even spookier, Brian.

00:24:57.000 Go back to the... 1.00

00:24:59.000 There's a full photo where you see his fucking legs. 0.99

00:25:01.000 Scroll up. 0.99

00:25:02.000 Scroll upward.

00:25:03.000 I would always wear...

00:25:03.000 No, that's not it.

00:25:04.000 I would always wear a singlet in that position.

00:25:06.000 Yeah, there's an even better one where it's the whole entire body up there.

00:25:11.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:25:11.000 Click on this.

00:25:12.000 Look at this shit. 1.00

00:25:13.000 This is completely ridiculous. 1.00

00:25:17.000 When you see the actual full image and you get his fucking legs, look at that. 1.00

00:25:22.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:25:24.000 What is that? 1.00

00:25:25.000 Oh my lord.

00:25:26.000 Look at his legs. 0.96

00:25:26.000 Those are insane. 0.96

00:25:27.000 My lord, I'm producing estrogen right now.

00:25:29.000 Those are insane.

00:25:31.000 That's insane how big his legs were.

00:25:33.000 Look at his calves. 0.99

00:25:33.000 That guy's butt. 0.99

00:25:35.000 Dude, that poor guy is going to get thrown through the air like a rag doll. 1.00

00:25:38.000 He's mid-poo, that poor guy. 1.00

00:25:40.000 So, okay.

00:25:40.000 So here's the question.

00:25:41.000 Is he 100% roids?

00:25:43.000 Like, there's something going on there, right?

00:25:46.000 Is it genetic?

00:25:47.000 I would suggest that it's genetic.

00:25:49.000 If you're born at 15 pounds, and if you look at how proportioned his body is and the amount of training he does, there are people out there that are genetic freaks that don't need steroids.

00:25:58.000 Yeah, but you know what I bet it is?

00:25:59.000 I bet it's both.

00:26:00.000 Because this was Russia. 0.99

00:26:02.000 Russia was not fucking around back then. 0.95

00:26:04.000 You know, we had Victor Conte on the podcast, and one of the things that he was talking about is that the elephant in the room, when it comes to women's track and field, is that there was a period of time before they were testing where they still can't achieve the results that these, like, Eastern Bloc women got. 0.95

00:26:18.000 Really?

00:26:18.000 Yeah, like, there's world records, and no one comes close when they win the Olympics every year.

00:26:23.000 What do you mean?

00:26:24.000 Well, they just can't achieve what these men-women did. 1.00

00:26:27.000 So is it a matter of record or it's just their times back in Eastern Europe?

00:26:32.000 The times that they had from 10, 20 years ago, from whenever it was where they weren't testing with these women, the times were stronger than they are today in the Olympics.

00:26:42.000 That they are behind the gold medal or behind the world records.

00:26:46.000 I had no idea about that.

00:26:47.000 Well, he said it's 100% because they were taking steroids. 0.93

00:26:50.000 He was a fascinating guy to have on because he fucking saw the whole thing happen from the ground up.

00:26:55.000 He saw people experimenting with all these different supplements and he's seen track and field athletes all of a sudden get unbelievably good within a year and everybody gets suspicious. 0.68

00:27:09.000 Yeah, she's a perfect example.

00:27:11.000 But he's of the opinion that they all do it, especially track and field.

00:27:16.000 He said all those guys are on something.

00:27:18.000 Well, you know, it raises a question, too, because they took two of the top fastest guys in the world.

00:27:23.000 I think it was Justin Gatlin and Maurice Green.

00:27:25.000 I think those were two.

00:27:26.000 And what they found was that he was talking about steroid use.

00:27:28.000 And he said, look, Maurice Green naturally has 800 grams or 600 grams of protein.

00:27:34.000 Well, not grams.

00:27:36.000 600...

00:27:37.000 Whatever that measurement per gram of blood, 800 units.

00:27:42.000 In testosterone, is that what we're saying?

00:27:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:43.000 Whereas someone like Justin Gatlin has 400. So naturally occurring, some people have just more testosterone, and usually guys who are faster and stuff stronger.

00:27:51.000 Well then, what does that say about...

00:27:53.000 So if that's the case, is it a fair competition, or can this other guy take hormone replacement therapy and bring his up to 800?

00:27:59.000 Right.

00:28:00.000 There's where you get into these weird questions, the argument for...

00:28:04.000 Steroids.

00:28:05.000 You can eat foods that increase your testosterone.

00:28:08.000 So they do it very marginally, maybe.

00:28:10.000 So where do we draw the line?

00:28:12.000 If the technology exists, it's a murky issue, right?

00:28:17.000 It does get murky if you want to consider a level playing field.

00:28:20.000 There is no level playing field because we have ectomorphs, endomorphs, and mesomorphs.

00:28:25.000 Being the body types of ectomorphs are ones that are really skinny and can't gain any weight. 0.99

00:28:30.000 Endomorphs are the really fat ones that have a hard time losing weight. 1.00

00:28:32.000 And mesomorphs are those Wesley Snipes looking dudes. 0.88

00:28:35.000 Just ripped.

00:28:37.000 The muscular...

00:28:39.000 You look at Mike Tyson.

00:28:41.000 Classic mesomorph.

00:28:43.000 Classically muscular.

00:28:44.000 Yeah.

00:28:44.000 There's certain people that just...

00:28:46.000 Frank Bruno.

00:28:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:28:47.000 Frank Bruno is ridiculous. 1.00

00:28:48.000 Shake Congo. 1.00

00:28:49.000 Yeah, ridiculous. 0.99

00:28:49.000 Two of the extreme mesomorphs. 0.99

00:28:51.000 Yeah, you know, you can't...

00:28:53.000 Some people can never achieve that physical frame.

00:28:55.000 They just...

00:28:56.000 They can't, naturally.

00:28:57.000 So, what is the...

00:28:59.000 What if a pill came along and all of a sudden you turn some dude who's got, you know, Ralphie May's genetics and all of a sudden...

00:29:08.000 The problem then becomes that competition is all about the best chemist.

00:29:12.000 I can understand the argument against steroids because...

00:29:14.000 Oh, totally.

00:29:15.000 And not only that, we all know that human beings, if they want to win something, they'll do everything, including sacrifice their own health to get to a point.

00:29:21.000 But then there's a guy like Corellin. 0.99

00:29:23.000 It doesn't matter what the fuck you do. 0.99

00:29:25.000 It's like there's certain dudes where there's so much of a physical gift. 0.99

00:29:28.000 It's almost impossible for you to overcome it.

00:29:31.000 There's a level.

00:29:33.000 The idea is that if a person is super athletic, they can't be smart as well.

00:29:37.000 That's not true, unfortunately. 0.99

00:29:39.000 Unfortunately, that guy can fuck you up and probably beat you at chess. 0.99

00:29:44.000 Just because someone is big and athletic, that's a terrifying thing for someone. 1.00

00:29:48.000 Someone who can out-intellectually duel them and still kick their ass. 0.99

00:29:53.000 Nate Marquardt told me that GSP is a great chess player, like a phenomenal chess player. 0.99

00:29:59.000 GSP is an unusual human being.

00:30:01.000 He's a very, very bright guy.

00:30:03.000 He's very open and honest.

00:30:05.000 He's one of the rare fighters that talks about being scared and what went through his head.

00:30:09.000 He's about what makes him insecure.

00:30:12.000 And apparently he's got this crazy thing about aliens.

00:30:15.000 Oh no.

00:30:16.000 Yeah.

00:30:17.000 He's terrified about aliens finding him in the middle of the night and abducting him.

00:30:24.000 There are other things to worry about, George.

00:30:25.000 He has like a path to get out of his house.

00:30:27.000 In case of the alien, come to my house.

00:30:31.000 I bet you he's choking.

00:30:32.000 He's got to be kidding.

00:30:33.000 No, no.

00:30:33.000 He really is obsessed with aliens.

00:30:35.000 Really?

00:30:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:36.000 It's so much so that they filmed a lot of shit and they wouldn't even use it in the countdown show. 0.98

00:30:39.000 I don't know who didn't like it. 0.99

00:30:41.000 Dana or someone, you know.

00:30:42.000 Someone made a decision.

00:30:43.000 But George is open about it? 0.99

00:30:44.000 Fuck yeah, he's open about it. 0.99

00:30:45.000 He didn't tell you about everything. 1.00

00:30:46.000 I think it's ridiculous to not leave it in because I think it's another little layer in the guy's cake. 1.00

00:30:52.000 Look, he is a bona fide bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:55.000 And anybody who thinks he isn't a bad motherfucker because he is scared of aliens. 1.00

00:30:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:31:00.000 No, that's so silly. 0.99

00:31:01.000 He's George fucking Saupier. 0.99

00:31:03.000 Let him tell a story. 0.99

00:31:04.000 It's probably interesting.

00:31:05.000 Outstanding.

00:31:06.000 The alien come for me in the middle of the night.

00:31:09.000 You know, I've had my ACL repaired.

00:31:12.000 Hey, I hear through the grapevine that Mr. Nick Diaz, who I love, my favorite fighter in a lot of ways, wants to fight Mr. Anderson Silva.

00:31:19.000 Yeah, he'll fight anybody.

00:31:20.000 He'll fight anybody.

00:31:22.000 He'll fight anybody. 0.99

00:31:23.000 Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:31:23.000 He's a real fighter. 0.99

00:31:24.000 He'd be an interesting match.

00:31:26.000 I think that Anderson would kick him in the face and all that, but he's not afraid of his boxing.

00:31:33.000 I mean, he boxes a lot, and it seems like he would be a guy who could...

00:31:38.000 Certainly, Stan and trade, as opposed to Damian Maia or Forrest Griffin doing it with Anderson, I think that if anybody could actually, who's a pure boxer, who trains with real boxers and is a pretty good boxer, he might be able to answer some of those.

00:31:53.000 Nick Diaz, first of all, takes an unbelievable shot.

00:31:55.000 He could take a hell of a shot.

00:31:57.000 He's super determined.

00:31:58.000 No one's got wind like him.

00:31:59.000 His endurance is preposterous.

00:32:02.000 His endurance is completely preposterous.

00:32:04.000 You should say that.

00:32:06.000 His endurance is preposterous.

00:32:08.000 It is. 0.96

00:32:08.000 He swims back from Alcatraz for like a goof. 0.96

00:32:11.000 He gets in the ocean and swims from Alcatraz.

00:32:14.000 His endurance is freakish.

00:32:16.000 And that's one of his strengths. 1.00

00:32:19.000 And everybody's got to be scared of that shit. 1.00

00:32:21.000 But Anderson's never showed endurance problems. 1.00

00:32:23.000 I mean, he tapped Chael Sonnen in the fifth round of a fight. 1.00

00:32:25.000 He was getting his ass kicked in. 1.00

00:32:26.000 Incredible. 0.99

00:32:27.000 So he's never had endurance problems.

00:32:29.000 But I think that Nick Diaz, he's a difficult dude to crack.

00:32:35.000 You look at really good strikers like Paul Daly. 1.00

00:32:37.000 Paul Daly is a dangerous fucking striker. 0.99

00:32:39.000 And he decided to stand and trade with him. 1.00

00:32:40.000 He's a much better wrestler.

00:32:41.000 He goes, I'm going to stand and trade him.

00:32:42.000 By the way, you hit me with a left.

00:32:43.000 Watch this.

00:32:44.000 He goes down and gets a bang with a left.

00:32:46.000 Well, not only that.

00:32:46.000 He's such a true fighter.

00:32:47.000 You get him on the ground and Nick is so good at wrapping you up.

00:32:50.000 And you have to look after that armbar, man. 1.00

00:32:51.000 That shit comes quick. 1.00

00:32:52.000 He caught Cyborg in that arm bar. 1.00

00:32:54.000 Cyborg never saw that coming.

00:32:55.000 Cyborg was blasting him with leg kicks, too.

00:32:58.000 But it didn't matter.

00:32:58.000 It was almost like he was just holding off the charge.

00:33:01.000 He was just holding off the charge.

00:33:02.000 I'm going to get you.

00:33:03.000 I'm going to get you.

00:33:04.000 I'm going to get you.

00:33:05.000 It's incredible.

00:33:05.000 And finally, Cyborg, the pressure of Nick constantly coming at him.

00:33:08.000 And talking to him, by the way.

00:33:10.000 Cyborg took him down, and Nick had him arm barred in no time.

00:33:13.000 He's an interesting dude.

00:33:14.000 Physically, he's smaller than Anderson.

00:33:17.000 That's for sure.

00:33:18.000 He's fought at 55. But he's got to walk around.

00:33:21.000 What is he, about 6'1"?

00:33:23.000 Yeah, Nick is at least six feet tall, 6'1", too.

00:33:25.000 And he walks around at what, 190, do you think?

00:33:29.000 I don't know.

00:33:29.000 He's pretty healthy, so he's not the type of dude that would...

00:33:32.000 Gain a lot of weight.

00:33:33.000 Yeah, he definitely never gets fat.

00:33:35.000 He's very strict with his diet.

00:33:37.000 I think he's mostly vegan.

00:33:40.000 He's drinking kombucha all the time.

00:33:41.000 Don't tell me that, because now I'm going to start doing the Nick Diaz diet.

00:33:44.000 Well, listen, man, if you talk to guys like Rich Roll or any of these ultra-endurance guys, there's no better way to keep your body energized than constantly eating fresh vegetables.

00:33:53.000 Yeah, high carbohydrate, complex carbohydrate.

00:33:57.000 Yeah, I don't think for ultimate performance, though, especially for explosive performance, I don't think you get the same results.

00:34:03.000 According to scientists, the people that have actually done studies shows that there really are some benefits to eating animal protein.

00:34:09.000 To a complete protein like meat.

00:34:10.000 It's a complete protein.

00:34:11.000 Yeah.

00:34:12.000 The thing about being a vegan is you can get your protein, but I think the proteins at the end of the day or whenever they start to cohesion, they sort of can't, they pick up where the other ones left off.

00:34:24.000 So beans are one, nuts have protein, and when you add enough of that, you'll get a complete protein.

00:34:28.000 But meat is a very calorie dense, energy dense, complete protein.

00:34:33.000 Yeah, it's just better.

00:34:35.000 And most, by the way, most cultures, and you know this from the guy you had on, I'm sure he talked about it with the paleo diet, most hunter-gatherer cultures, the way we came up, we were strictly carnivores.

00:34:44.000 I mean, if you look at where we went hunting, try planting anything there.

00:34:47.000 You would have had to live off animal Protein for the most part.

00:34:53.000 There's a lot of parts.

00:34:54.000 Yeah, we were in Montana.

00:34:55.000 We went hunting for this Steve Rinella show.

00:34:57.000 It's called The Meat Eater.

00:35:00.000 And Meat Eater is his second show.

00:35:02.000 He had this other show that was on, I think it was on the Travel Channel.

00:35:07.000 It's called The Wild Within. 0.85

00:35:08.000 It was a really cool show where you'd go like, he went where Lewis and Clark went and he shot a moose and made a boat out of the moose and fucking shot a moose with a musket.

00:35:16.000 They made a boat out of the moose? 0.84

00:35:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:18.000 Like the way they would have done it.

00:35:20.000 It's so weird.

00:35:20.000 It was really interesting.

00:35:20.000 I'm going to make a boat out of a moose.

00:35:22.000 So Brian and I went hunting with them.

00:35:24.000 We went to...

00:35:24.000 I talked about it with Ari Shafir already.

00:35:27.000 But we went to Montana to what used to be the Great Inland Western Sea.

00:35:32.000 The Great Western Inland Sea, which is fascinating.

00:35:34.000 We went to a part where even Lewis and Clark said, as they went through it, they were like, we think we saw some signs of Native Americans.

00:35:40.000 I mean, not even the Native Americans lived there.

00:35:42.000 It was a hunting ground, but you couldn't live there because you could grow nothing.

00:35:45.000 Crazy.

00:35:46.000 It's also weird how much ground we covered.

00:35:48.000 We'd wake up really early in the morning, and then he'd be like, go over that ridge.

00:35:53.000 I was like, that ridge is a mountain range. 1.00

00:35:56.000 This shit is far. 0.99

00:35:57.000 Right, but you could actually climb it because it was made of clay, and it stuck to your feet. 1.00

00:36:01.000 Well, it was really difficult when you were on the edges because it was just so slippery, and your feet would weigh so much because the bottoms would be caked with this shit. 0.99

00:36:09.000 Oh my god. 0.98

00:36:09.000 I remember when I glassed the field, I'd take my binoculars and look out for game. 0.98

00:36:14.000 Glassing the field is hunting terminology.

00:36:17.000 Don't worry about it.

00:36:18.000 And I'd be so out of breath, man, because we were high elevation.

00:36:21.000 It was a lot of hiking. 0.99

00:36:23.000 You've got to be in fucking shape. 0.99

00:36:25.000 I watch a show and I've seen what they do is stalking after the game. 0.99

00:36:29.000 But I never really considered how much actual walk he's involved.

00:36:33.000 He doesn't get tired, huh?

00:36:35.000 No, dude. 0.98

00:36:35.000 I was fucking super impressed. 0.98

00:36:38.000 Because me and the camera guys were fucking out of breath. 0.99

00:36:41.000 And Steve Rinell is up there trucking. 0.98

00:36:43.000 You're walking forever.

00:36:45.000 Yeah, and you're walking up some serious hills.

00:36:47.000 It's really interesting, though.

00:36:48.000 We were talking about this.

00:36:49.000 Anything you do, even hiking.

00:36:52.000 He's doing this every week, every year.

00:36:54.000 He does it all year round.

00:36:56.000 That's how he hunts. 0.99

00:36:57.000 So he's like constantly hiking up hills and shit. 0.99

00:37:00.000 Well, your central nervous system learns how to use your muscles more efficiently. 0.99

00:37:02.000 That's what it is.

00:37:03.000 Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

00:37:04.000 Like anything you do, whether it's martial arts or wrestling.

00:37:08.000 It's why they tell you if you want to bodybuild, you've got to change it up because you confuse your central nervous system so your body doesn't learn to use the same muscles over and over again, right?

00:37:15.000 So now your body's like confused and it goes, well, we've got to use these muscles now.

00:37:18.000 And you keep tearing muscles down.

00:37:19.000 And I just, that's what I want to...

00:37:21.000 Yeah, don't like the CrossFit people believe in that as well.

00:37:24.000 That's like their idea is you do something different all the time.

00:37:26.000 Yeah, and fitness so your body gets a comprehensive strength, you know, sort of an all-around strength.

00:37:34.000 They're kind of controversial too, though.

00:37:35.000 The controversy behind the CrossFit people is that some people, like Steve, that you should ever be doing powerlifting exercises with great repetitions like that.

00:37:42.000 That's not what they're designed for.

00:37:44.000 They're designed for big explosive movements, moving heavy things with correct form and building up You know, your core and your explosive power.

00:37:51.000 Most of the people I know who did CrossFit...

00:37:53.000 They get hurt.

00:37:54.000 They get hurt.

00:37:54.000 There's a lot of injuries.

00:37:55.000 In fact, a lot of pro athletes that I've talked to don't do it as much because, first of all, it's a little bit...

00:37:59.000 It's so much on your body that a lot of times they weren't having energy for their practices or their games, and it keeps you torn down.

00:38:08.000 Now, there are some ridiculously fit athletes, and I think it's a great program, and I try to do it as much as possible, but I do think that the athletes I've talked to, the fighters and even the football players, are like, well...

00:38:19.000 You gotta move at your own pace with that stuff.

00:38:22.000 Yeah, you do.

00:38:23.000 You can't try to keep up with those dudes because those extreme CrossFit dudes, they get like deep, deep, deep into the game to the point where they can do just ridiculous sets with 225, they're clean and jerking for 20 reps, and then they're doing 20 chin-ups.

00:38:39.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:38:39.000 Yeah, they can do some stupid, silly shit. 1.00

00:38:41.000 But that is their sport. 1.00

00:38:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:43.000 It's not like, you know...

00:38:45.000 It's a fucking test of will, man. 0.99

00:38:47.000 That is a test of will. 1.00

00:38:49.000 CrossFit's humbling every time you do it.

00:38:50.000 Like, if you do Fran, you know what Fran is?

00:38:52.000 Fran never gets easy.

00:38:53.000 Like, if I think about it, my heart starts beating fast.

00:38:55.000 Where you got 95 pounds, you go into a squat thrust, a thruster, so you go down into the squat position, throw it up over your head, you do that 21 times, go into 21 pull-ups, 15 thrusters, 15 pull-ups, 9 thrusters, 9 pull-ups.

00:39:10.000 And the idea is if you do a sub, if you do that under 3 minutes, you're in ridiculous shape.

00:39:15.000 But even doing it, try doing it in under 7 or 8 and you'll be on the ground.

00:39:20.000 It's just never, it never gets easy.

00:39:22.000 They have so many of those things that never get easy.

00:39:24.000 There's so much you can do out there for exercise.

00:39:26.000 It's amazing.

00:39:27.000 We see most people at the gym, they're like, you're barely working out.

00:39:31.000 You might be doing curls or doing some sets.

00:39:34.000 What do you do though?

00:39:34.000 How long is your workout if you're lifting?

00:39:36.000 It depends.

00:39:37.000 It depends on what I'm doing.

00:39:38.000 It depends on...

00:39:40.000 When I hurt my back, I started doing more isolation stuff, like rows and stuff like that, just to really strengthen up my back.

00:39:46.000 So that day is like an easy day.

00:39:48.000 The full back day that I do, I do one full back day.

00:39:51.000 That's only like 30 minutes.

00:39:53.000 It's a quick workout.

00:39:54.000 But the whole idea is just to blow it out and make it really hard.

00:39:58.000 I just want to have...

00:40:01.000 To be able to build up muscle and to have explosive power. 0.95

00:40:05.000 So your body's got to be conditioned all the time to be doing explosive shit and building up tissue and exploding. 0.95

00:40:11.000 And if you don't do that all the time, it doesn't want to do it. 0.95

00:40:14.000 If you don't do that all the time, you'll have no situation in life in which to explode.

00:40:17.000 And we all know that we use that every day. 1.00

00:40:19.000 That's what's funny about that shit. 0.99

00:40:21.000 Like, I do all this stuff. 0.99

00:40:21.000 I'm like, when am I ever going to... 0.99

00:40:22.000 I'm doing kettlebells until I can't walk.

00:40:24.000 Like, when am I going to...

00:40:25.000 I'm not ringing huge bells, but it doesn't matter. 0.99

00:40:28.000 I like being in shape in case the shit hits the fan. 0.99

00:40:30.000 Well, I wasn't in shape, but when we went on that hunting trip, for sure, I would have been fucked. 1.00

00:40:34.000 Oh my God. 0.99

00:40:35.000 Because, like, that was a serious...

00:40:38.000 We would hike at least three miles in the morning.

00:40:40.000 It was so funny, dude.

00:40:41.000 Yeah.

00:40:41.000 It was raining the first night, and we were freezing, and the sleeping bags they gave us didn't really work.

00:40:47.000 And as I'm getting...

00:40:47.000 I'm shivering and putting, like, seven layers on.

00:40:50.000 I had two down jackets, literally.

00:40:52.000 I'm shivering, and I just hear Joe and his tent go, Camping blows.

00:40:58.000 Hi. 0.99

00:40:58.000 I fucking laughed so hard at some of the shit you did, I don't know why. 0.99

00:41:01.000 He just goes, camping blows. 1.00

00:41:04.000 We had a great fucking time. 1.00

00:41:05.000 Dude, how about me pulling fucking quills out of your ass and legs? 1.00

00:41:08.000 I think we had it on tape, right? 1.00

00:41:09.000 Dude, I still have these red marks all over my ass and legs. 0.98

00:41:12.000 I laid down on a cactus, and Brian had to pull them out in front of the campfire with tweezers. 0.98

00:41:18.000 All the guys were like, what are you doing? 0.98

00:41:20.000 I'm like, don't worry, he's my fucking best friend. 1.00

00:41:22.000 I gotta pull out the fucking... 1.00

00:41:23.000 I'll take out your fucking thorns. 1.00

00:41:24.000 When I went to drop down to kill the deer, I sat down right in a cactus. 1.00

00:41:31.000 Dude, you don't understand.

00:41:32.000 My whole left side was covered in cactus. 0.99

00:41:34.000 When you see your first deer, you want to kill that thing so badly.

00:41:37.000 I literally, I had a buck in my crosshairs that third day when you got yours.

00:41:42.000 I couldn't, I had, talk about buck fever.

00:41:44.000 The scope was like jumping all over the place.

00:41:47.000 I was like, this is my breathing.

00:41:50.000 Well, I couldn't, the first time, I couldn't get him into focus the first time I went to shoot it because my eye was too close to the scope.

00:41:57.000 And then I realized what I was doing wrong. 0.99

00:41:59.000 I was like, oh, what am I doing over there, stupid? 1.00

00:42:01.000 Like, what am I doing? 1.00

00:42:03.000 Like, I was panicking.

00:42:04.000 I just got too close to the scope.

00:42:05.000 And it was like, it's weird when you're looking at something through a scope.

00:42:08.000 It's very hard to describe.

00:42:09.000 But it's like, almost like, you see like black... 0.99

00:42:16.000 Like, half moons over everything.

00:42:19.000 Like, you can't, like, close in on the actual image.

00:42:22.000 The outside of it is all black and blurry.

00:42:24.000 There's a distance you keep your eye from the scope, and you start to be good at that when you...

00:42:27.000 And I backed up just a hair, and boom!

00:42:30.000 It was in perfect, clear focus.

00:42:31.000 I was like, oh, that's it!

00:42:33.000 I was too close! 1.00

00:42:34.000 And then the fucker went behind a cliff, the deer. 1.00

00:42:37.000 By the way, hunting deer, hunting mule deer in a place where they know they're being hunted is a lot like hunting a mirage. 1.00

00:42:47.000 We're good to go. 1.00

00:43:08.000 Those fuckers are swimming across the river. 1.00

00:43:10.000 I spent all morning chasing you assholes, and now you're across the river, and I got no shot. 1.00

00:43:15.000 Yeah, I didn't even know they can swim. 1.00

00:43:16.000 I didn't either!

00:43:17.000 They swam!

00:43:18.000 They're literally swimming like covering serious ground.

00:43:21.000 Where we went was so strange.

00:43:23.000 It was such a bizarre, bizarre place.

00:43:26.000 Cold. 0.98

00:43:27.000 Cold as fuck, and it was just so unlike anything that you ever do in your normal life as a comedian in LA. Right. 0.99

00:43:34.000 It's so true. 0.84

00:43:35.000 We didn't have cell phones.

00:43:36.000 We didn't have text messages.

00:43:38.000 I haven't done that in a long time, man.

00:43:40.000 And the crazy thing is that we both talk about how you have energy all day.

00:43:45.000 Like, even though you're not eating the best food, I mean, we had good food.

00:43:49.000 We had, like, camp food, like apples, and we had, like, beef jerky, and we had freeze-dried meals that we would have for dinner and protein bars and stuff like that.

00:43:56.000 It wasn't like we were malnourished.

00:43:57.000 No, but we were talking about how you get there and it's so quiet.

00:44:00.000 You don't have access to your cell phone, internet, nothing.

00:44:03.000 And I think you're not spending any time taking in stimulus.

00:44:09.000 You're spending time listening to your own breathing and responding and connecting with people.

00:44:15.000 And somehow I had such clarity of focus and energy on that whole time.

00:44:20.000 Well, I definitely don't think we're designed to live the way we live.

00:44:25.000 Mm-mm.

00:44:25.000 We're trying to adapt, and I think future generations will probably have some physical capabilities that we don't have.

00:44:33.000 One theory about autism is the fact that we're now...

00:44:37.000 You have these hyper-autistic people who are high-functioning.

00:44:41.000 They can take in a tremendous amount of stimulus, see a room, and count everything in it that fast.

00:44:47.000 This guy, Juan Enriquez, was saying on TED.com, he's a venture capitalist scientist, and he said...

00:44:54.000 It may be that our brains, because we're exposed in such a short period of time to 500 times the stimulus that our – we see more in one day than our ancestors saw in a lifetime as far as just the amount of stimulus, the amount of sounds, the thoughts that are crammed into our brains just through visual stimuli and auditory stimuli.

00:45:13.000 Our brains very well may already be evolving to match and coordinate with this ever-changing, exponentially growing environment.

00:45:23.000 Well, that's what I'm wondering about, like, with Wi-Fi signals and cellular signals and all the different...

00:45:29.000 There's like...

00:45:30.000 I don't understand signals.

00:45:32.000 You know, I kind of...

00:45:33.000 I know that they're there.

00:45:34.000 I know that there's radio.

00:45:35.000 I know that there's television.

00:45:37.000 I know that there's stuff that's being sent out and somewhere someone's receiving it.

00:45:41.000 But I don't understand it.

00:45:42.000 And so I don't understand, like, what is it doing to biology?

00:45:45.000 They know that it's having an effect on bees, especially cell phone signals.

00:45:49.000 They think that it might be like a steady jackhammer sort of thing that's affecting bees, like just an interference.

00:45:56.000 It's aliens.

00:45:58.000 Remember, aliens is air, so that's what the Wi-Fi signal is, like we talked about yesterday.

00:46:03.000 I honestly think all this stuff is edging us toward becoming one with the machines, for real, and then ultimately, to that effect, creating this sort of universal connectedness, you know?

00:46:14.000 We're not going to be biological for very long.

00:46:16.000 I wonder if we're ever going to evolve some ability to tune in to these signals without adding something to the body, without adding a chip. 0.99

00:46:25.000 How fucked would it be if the human... 0.96

00:46:27.000 I think we are going to add chips way before that question arises. 1.00

00:46:31.000 I think things are moving so quickly.

00:46:34.000 We're working on synthetically biological computer chips.

00:46:39.000 Yeah.

00:46:40.000 Google faces.

00:46:41.000 Where they're just gonna have like a Google face.

00:46:44.000 You're gonna get a new face.

00:46:45.000 I bet.

00:46:46.000 I bet you could probably do that someday.

00:46:49.000 Well, that's what Ray Kurzweil says.

00:46:51.000 Yeah.

00:46:52.000 We're going to mesh with machines.

00:46:54.000 Why in the world, if you had an eye that could see a mile away in the dark, why wouldn't you get an artificial eye?

00:47:02.000 Why wouldn't you?

00:47:04.000 Yeah, of course you wouldn't.

00:47:05.000 I'm old school.

00:47:07.000 I don't need my good legs.

00:47:10.000 I'm going to sit here on my porch until everything stops.

00:47:14.000 Yeah, but maybe the next life is better.

00:47:18.000 I don't know.

00:47:20.000 I don't even know if maybe the afterlife is the notion that you live on as a computer program.

00:47:27.000 Yeah.

00:47:28.000 I mean, right?

00:47:29.000 If I can download your brain, everything that goes under your brain, I can download it.

00:47:34.000 All the content.

00:47:35.000 Right.

00:47:36.000 Which computer scientists are talking about a matter of when, not if.

00:47:40.000 Maybe.

00:47:40.000 Like, not my brain.

00:47:41.000 Like, maybe your brain.

00:47:42.000 No, not your brain.

00:47:42.000 Your brain would require a huge mainframe.

00:47:45.000 Too complex.

00:47:45.000 Huge mainframe.

00:47:46.000 Too much going on in subtext.

00:47:47.000 But then I take that brain and I put all your memories and everything you think about into a computer.

00:47:52.000 I can put it into a robot, maybe.

00:47:55.000 What does that say about your mortality?

00:47:57.000 I don't know.

00:47:58.000 I don't know the answer.

00:47:59.000 We only accept it if it's legit, if it's natural.

00:48:04.000 That's when we accept things, when they're natural.

00:48:07.000 I know, but you know, if you look at...

00:48:09.000 We've been, for example, genetically modifying...

00:48:14.000 Crops like corn and things that you would never recognize what corn was 200-300 years ago.

00:48:19.000 It's a different, you know, everything that you eat, everything including the animals you eat, have been genetically fucked with to become more productive in their output.

00:48:30.000 And isn't ultimately, I mean, we're calling it natural, what's natural and not natural, but isn't everything that human beings do natural?

00:48:37.000 Because we're a part of nature.

00:48:38.000 Absolutely.

00:48:39.000 Just as natural as the process of making honey.

00:48:41.000 But the other question, the other issue is that, yes, the idea of natural and biology is going to change when we realize that this human being that I'm looking at is a machine, like anything else.

00:48:53.000 In fact, a rather rudimentary machine, maybe 300 years from now, or 200 years from now, or 50 years from now, It may very well be that once we figure out exactly how the machine works with the genome and all these other ideas, well, I guess I can make now even a more complex machine.

00:49:09.000 So in the end of the day, if that machine is just as biological but more complex than this rusty old machine that breaks down after 90 years or whatever, Well, I don't know.

00:49:20.000 I don't know what biology means anymore.

00:49:22.000 What happens to the bacteria that exists in the biological organism?

00:49:26.000 Because that's like our tenants.

00:49:28.000 Well, first of all, we're already...

00:49:28.000 We'd have to boot them out.

00:49:30.000 But already what we're doing, what science is doing, is trying to learn how to harvest the good bacteria versus the bad bacteria.

00:49:38.000 And manage the body like an ecosystem, a mini ecosystem.

00:49:43.000 And more and more scientists are talking that the microbes that make up our body are exactly why we are the way we are.

00:49:54.000 They control everything from the natural moisture in our skin to the way we smell.

00:50:00.000 It's your personality.

00:50:01.000 It might have an effect on intelligence.

00:50:04.000 Autism may be connected.

00:50:06.000 Certain types of autism spectrum disorders might be connected to having an imbalanced flora.

00:50:14.000 It's fascinating, man.

00:50:16.000 The human body is a host for life.

00:50:19.000 There's billions and billions of organisms living inside your body.

00:50:23.000 It's hard for us to really imagine that we're not really an individual.

00:50:28.000 It's hard for us to imagine that we're a walking ecosystem.

00:50:31.000 Yeah, and also the idea that it's maybe hard to imagine that we are being nudged in a certain direction.

00:50:38.000 This is not chaos.

00:50:39.000 There's a direction we're being moved in.

00:50:42.000 And it's complexity, always.

00:50:43.000 From the beginning of human history to the moment they figured out how to roll things on logs, they have made it more and more and more and more complex.

00:50:52.000 Yeah.

00:50:53.000 The only thing that's not as complex is our stonework.

00:50:57.000 Ancient Egyptian stonework.

00:50:59.000 We had a guy yesterday, Philip Copens, who wrote this great book on Lost Civilization Enigma.

00:51:04.000 It's all on the ancient constructions of the past. 0.99

00:51:08.000 That's the only thing today that we still go, God damn, these motherfuckers had some crazy technology and some crazy insight. 0.99

00:51:15.000 The Egyptians? 1.00

00:51:16.000 Yeah, the Egyptians. 0.91

00:51:17.000 I mean, even the Romans and a lot of other people who made some incredible pieces of architecture.

00:51:23.000 It doesn't mean we couldn't do it today.

00:51:25.000 Well, we are doing it today, but I think on a subatomic level or a nano level, right?

00:51:30.000 Oh, sure.

00:51:31.000 Now most of the innovation is going toward creating robotics and tissue regeneration, growing new limbs.

00:51:37.000 We were talking about it that we think that...

00:51:39.000 I want to change that light.

00:51:40.000 Hold on.

00:51:40.000 Change a light?

00:51:43.000 What's in your eyes?

00:51:44.000 This thing back here?

00:51:45.000 Are you eye sensitive my friend?

00:51:49.000 They did call you game eye.

00:51:54.000 You know what a game eye is, folks?

00:51:55.000 It's when you're in the canoe and you're rowing.

00:51:58.000 You look up in the hills and if you see game, you got the game eye. 0.98

00:52:03.000 They called me game eye and the cashmere killer because I was wearing three layers of cashmere hunting deer and freezing my fucking tail off still. 0.98

00:52:11.000 It was fun, man. 0.99

00:52:12.000 It was really fun.

00:52:13.000 I'm so glad you went with me, man.

00:52:15.000 It made it a hundred times better.

00:52:16.000 All we did was laugh the whole time. 0.99

00:52:18.000 It was just a fucking laugh. 0.99

00:52:19.000 There was a time, I mean, it's such a disrespectful moment because we're actually butchering the deer. 0.99

00:52:24.000 But as we're butchering this deer, we're cutting into sections and Brian, I don't know what possessed him, but he got into this thing of jerking off into the ravine.

00:52:35.000 That was the ravine. 0.65

00:52:36.000 My character was the ravine So he starts doing this character where he's angry about stuff with his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth and he's just jerking off into the ravine. 0.94

00:52:44.000 And it was so preposterous for what was happening.

00:52:47.000 Here we are like skinning this animal and hawking, chopping sections off of him.

00:52:54.000 It's really weird.

00:52:55.000 Skinning an animal and gutting it and skinning it.

00:52:58.000 I know, but no, the problem is if you put me in a sacred place, I start to freak out and I have to do something.

00:53:03.000 You should have seen me in church.

00:53:04.000 I went to church like four times in my life.

00:53:05.000 I couldn't do it, dude. 0.99

00:53:06.000 I'd start doing the craziest shit in the world. 0.99

00:53:08.000 Well, that's what I told him. 0.99

00:53:09.000 I was like, listen, having this guy with us is going to make the whole thing a hundred times funnier.

00:53:13.000 Trust me, we're going to have a great time.

00:53:15.000 Especially you and I together.

00:53:17.000 You're one of my longest running friends in LA. Yes, we have a language.

00:53:21.000 Yeah, we know each other so well. 0.99

00:53:23.000 We've been through so much shit. 1.00

00:53:24.000 I sent Brian to fuck my ex-girlfriend once. 1.00

00:53:29.000 What? 1.00

00:53:29.000 Because I had a girlfriend at the time and I didn't want to cheat. 1.00

00:53:32.000 She's like, God, I'm so horny. 0.78

00:53:33.000 I'm like, I'll hook you up. 0.96

00:53:34.000 I go, he even looks like me.

00:53:36.000 Played my brother on news radio.

00:53:37.000 I remember that.

00:53:38.000 I remember that.

00:53:39.000 That was great.

00:53:40.000 She was fantastic. 1.00

00:53:41.000 Wow, that was a fucking good time. 1.00

00:53:42.000 Dirty, dirty girls. 1.00

00:53:44.000 Is that weird? 1.00

00:53:44.000 I can't handle that. 1.00

00:53:45.000 You dated this girl?

00:53:47.000 Yeah, I dated her for a while. 1.00

00:53:49.000 I would never think like, hey, I want my friend to fuck my ass. 1.00

00:53:52.000 If it's your really good friend, you don't really give a shit. 1.00

00:53:55.000 First of all, I knew me and that girl were never getting back together again. 0.97

00:53:58.000 No disrespect to her.

00:53:59.000 She's a nice person and all that good.

00:54:00.000 But I knew it was never happening again.

00:54:01.000 And he's my boy.

00:54:02.000 I don't care. 0.99

00:54:03.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:54:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:54:05.000 She needed some dick. 1.00

00:54:06.000 Did Brian give you gonorrhea in this hunting trip? 1.00

00:54:08.000 She's my friend. 1.00

00:54:09.000 She needed some dick, you know? 1.00

00:54:11.000 What am I supposed to do? 1.00

00:54:12.000 Say, no, I can't help you.

00:54:15.000 I can help her. 1.00

00:54:15.000 I had the fucking solution. 1.00

00:54:16.000 I remember you calling me up. 1.00

00:54:17.000 You go, hey, I'm setting you up.

00:54:19.000 What are you doing tomorrow?

00:54:20.000 I go, I don't know.

00:54:20.000 You're going on a date with my ex-girlfriend.

00:54:22.000 No, I said, you're going to go fuck my ex-girlfriend. 1.00

00:54:23.000 I was like, all right. 1.00

00:54:25.000 I think we met him for her.

00:54:26.000 I don't even know if we ate. 1.00

00:54:28.000 He fucked her behind a car and shot a load into her. 1.00

00:54:31.000 And she calls me the next day. 1.00

00:54:32.000 Your fucking friend came inside me. 1.00

00:54:34.000 I was young. 1.00

00:54:35.000 I didn't know. 0.99

00:54:35.000 I was like fucking young. 0.99

00:54:36.000 I was like, what am I supposed to do? 0.99

00:54:38.000 I was laughing so hard.

00:54:40.000 I was crying.

00:54:42.000 I was holding my...

00:54:43.000 Because I know you so well. 1.00

00:54:44.000 You're so fucking crazy. 1.00

00:54:45.000 And I couldn't believe that we did it in the first place. 1.00

00:54:47.000 I set you up to go fuck her. 1.00

00:54:49.000 I'm not even just laughing while she's telling me. 1.00

00:54:52.000 Your fucking friend came inside me. 1.00

00:54:53.000 I'm like... 1.00

00:54:55.000 I go...

00:54:56.000 I can never...

00:54:57.000 Very few ex-girlfriends have ever called me up complaining.

00:55:00.000 She didn't tell me not to.

00:55:01.000 I was young. 0.72

00:55:02.000 I was like, well, we're having sex.

00:55:03.000 Aren't I supposed to do that? 0.67

00:55:04.000 I don't know.

00:55:05.000 That's funny.

00:55:05.000 That's a whole different thing.

00:55:07.000 Yeah, you think about how fucking... 0.99

00:55:09.000 What a numbskull I was when I was younger. 0.99

00:55:10.000 I didn't understand girls were different. 1.00

00:55:12.000 I didn't really understand.

00:55:13.000 I couldn't...

00:55:14.000 I couldn't understand why they weren't just like me.

00:55:17.000 And then I'd date a girl who'd be, like, looking back on her, they were all great.

00:55:20.000 And I'd be like, why is she not behaving like my friends? 1.00

00:55:23.000 She's a fucking girl, you idiot. 1.00

00:55:25.000 Yeah, it takes a while to understand that. 1.00

00:55:27.000 I mean, I was just a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:55:29.000 Those poor girls were like, what is with this caveman? 1.00

00:55:33.000 You know, I'm not going to fuck you, like, in the elevator. 1.00

00:55:36.000 This is, you know, whatever it was, you know. 0.99

00:55:38.000 I'd be like, well, you should be more into...

00:55:40.000 I broke up with a girl because she fell asleep during Raging Bull.

00:55:43.000 That's not fair to a girl. 1.00

00:55:44.000 It's a great movie, but it's a fucking movie about a boxer. 0.99

00:55:47.000 The guy's like, girls aren't supposed to... 1.00

00:55:49.000 You know, it's not fair for me to be...

00:55:50.000 You were mad at her?

00:55:51.000 I was like, this is my favorite movie of all time, and you fell asleep in it.

00:55:55.000 I'm afraid I have nothing in common with you.

00:55:56.000 I didn't say that, but I made that choice in my head.

00:55:58.000 I was like...

00:55:59.000 Yes, but I was like, I can never talk to her.

00:56:02.000 I don't get that. 0.99

00:56:03.000 What the fuck is that all about? 1.00

00:56:06.000 It's raging bull, bro. 0.99

00:56:08.000 One of the things that I pride myself in is I've never tried to make someone that I've dated any different than who they are.

00:56:16.000 You were always good about that.

00:56:16.000 I'm not...

00:56:17.000 I had to learn that. 1.00

00:56:18.000 I was a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:56:19.000 I just know, it's more for me. 1.00

00:56:21.000 You can't bring someone a book and tell them they have to read it.

00:56:24.000 You can't do that.

00:56:25.000 I was like, how can you not be interested in this?

00:56:26.000 It's amazing. 0.99

00:56:27.000 Well, they were fucking at their own thing. 0.99

00:56:28.000 They got their own thing. 1.00

00:56:29.000 And a lot of times they were smarter than I was.

00:56:31.000 I look back on it.

00:56:31.000 If I had listened to them, I would have been better off.

00:56:35.000 Yeah, there's a lot of things that people I like really love and I could not care less if it existed, whether it's sports or certain types of music.

00:56:43.000 And I could love these people to death and whatever their opinion is.

00:56:49.000 Eddie Brown was always trying to turn me on to some new electronic band.

00:56:53.000 Four out of five of them are pretty decent. 0.98

00:56:56.000 But every now and then, he's into some shit that I'm not into. 0.98

00:56:59.000 Four out of five? 1.00

00:57:00.000 Are you serious?

00:57:01.000 Four out of five?

00:57:01.000 Those are pretty high odds.

00:57:03.000 I bet it's less than that.

00:57:04.000 Yeah, you're probably right. 0.99

00:57:05.000 It's about three out of five sucks. 0.96

00:57:07.000 He's being nice because he loves Eddie. 0.98

00:57:07.000 I'm being nice because I love Eddie. 0.98

00:57:09.000 But it's not...

00:57:10.000 Look, it's just taste in music.

00:57:12.000 He really loves Smashing Pumpkins.

00:57:13.000 He really loves...

00:57:14.000 I'm a Leonard Skinner guy.

00:57:16.000 I'm a Led Zeppelin guy. 0.99

00:57:17.000 I love, like, hearing the fucking guitar scratching on the pick. 0.99

00:57:21.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:57:22.000 I want to hear, like, the black keys.

00:57:24.000 Like, that's my kind of music.

00:57:25.000 And also, like, musicians a lot of times are listening to something different than we are.

00:57:28.000 Like, they hear more than we do, or they're just more in tune with something innovative. 0.96

00:57:33.000 Well, just Eddie has a very specific style that he fucking loves. 0.89

00:57:36.000 And, you know, he's very creative, man. 0.94

00:57:39.000 I mean, his own music is like, if you're into that style of music... 0.93

00:57:43.000 Eddie does some really top-notch shit, and now he does it with this dude, Compella. 0.63

00:57:46.000 They have this band called Smoke Serpent, and Compella, who's a really good rapper, raps over it, and Eddie puts his music on in the background. 0.97

00:57:54.000 And his thing has always been that he always loved hip-hop, but he didn't like the kind of music that was in the background of hip-hop.

00:58:00.000 He didn't like that whole sampling thing.

00:58:04.000 He's got that sort of electronic, smashing pumpkin sort of vibe of music.

00:58:09.000 He's really into that.

00:58:11.000 Everybody's different.

00:58:11.000 I wonder why that is.

00:58:12.000 It's different wiring, right?

00:58:14.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:58:15.000 I mean, look, there's some people who hate violence.

00:58:17.000 They hate violent sports.

00:58:19.000 They just don't like it.

00:58:20.000 But I can have great conversations with them about other stuff.

00:58:24.000 Listen, man, I just thought it was so funny.

00:58:26.000 The minute I saw that deer, I had one shot to get this deer.

00:58:29.000 Because you go all day looking for deer and you don't see one.

00:58:32.000 It was so cold.

00:58:33.000 The minute I saw that buck, my hat came off.

00:58:36.000 I didn't feel anything. 1.00

00:58:38.000 I was just literally like, I'm going to kill that fucking buck! 1.00

00:58:41.000 I'm not a hunter, and I don't really necessarily want to kill something. 1.00

00:58:44.000 Well, we were on a mission.

00:58:45.000 We were doing something that was very unusual for two guys that are in their 40s with kids, living in L.A., in the entertainment business, sort of.

00:58:54.000 I'm sort of still in the entertainment business.

00:58:55.000 I do comedy shows, I guess.

00:58:58.000 They're on my own, but I guess it's in it.

00:59:00.000 Those guys were a great audience, weren't they?

00:59:03.000 Our guides, Steve Rinella and Ryan, what's his last name?

00:59:06.000 Ryan Callahan.

00:59:07.000 Yeah, Ryan Callahan.

00:59:08.000 He was a great guy.

00:59:09.000 He was my guide, Ryan Callahan.

00:59:11.000 And Mo, the director, and Dan Doty.

00:59:13.000 I can't wait to see the video.

00:59:15.000 Dude, they were all great guys. 0.99

00:59:16.000 Listen, these guys are solid as fuck, man. 0.99

00:59:18.000 And they were a great audience. 1.00

00:59:19.000 They just laughed at us and we were just fucking around all the time.

00:59:21.000 Well, I don't think they've probably ever done a show like that. 0.80

00:59:26.000 Brian went, like, from the moment we got there, Brian was full tilt.

00:59:30.000 From the moment we got there, he was, this is all mining.

00:59:33.000 See this?

00:59:34.000 This is all long-term strip mining.

00:59:36.000 And I go, no. 1.00

00:59:36.000 I go, this is the Missouri River, you fuck. 1.00

00:59:38.000 This cut through this. 1.00

00:59:39.000 It used to be the great Western Inland Sea.

00:59:41.000 No, no, no.

00:59:42.000 This is mining.

00:59:42.000 Yeah, I was like, you don't know anything about it.

00:59:44.000 Even Steve Rinello who's been there, grew up there, he's like, yeah, this is all natural.

00:59:49.000 I go, nah, you're wrong about that.

00:59:50.000 But anyway, we'll move on. 0.98

00:59:52.000 Right away, he gets into his ridiculous character, and then it gets gayer and gayer as the day goes long. 0.97

00:59:58.000 I'm cracking Joe up. 0.95

00:59:59.000 So as long as I'm cracking Joe up, that's all I'm living for at that point.

01:00:01.000 So I'm like, if I got an audience, I can just see Joe's eyes, they're slits, and he's like, hee-hee-hee-hee. 0.98

01:00:06.000 I'm like, all right, that's fucking it. 0.98

01:00:07.000 That's awesome. 0.99

01:00:08.000 It was seriously no bullshit like going on a five-day comedy show where in between you took breaks to go be a caveman. 0.67

01:00:15.000 We have a lot on camera. 1.00

01:00:16.000 We got to steal it and put it on the fucking website. 0.98

01:00:18.000 Well, there's certain things like the Ravine Comer. 0.98

01:00:20.000 They said that they were going to give it to us because they could never put it on their show.

01:00:24.000 Yeah, we have to get it.

01:00:24.000 But he has a lot of control on this show.

01:00:27.000 I think it's on the Sportsman's channel.

01:00:30.000 One of those channels.

01:00:30.000 Outdoors.

01:00:31.000 I think it's an outdoor show.

01:00:32.000 Which, by the way, I watch now.

01:00:33.000 I watch all these hunting shows now. 0.99

01:00:34.000 I'm fucking recording them and watching hunting shows. 1.00

01:00:36.000 Man, let you do it. 0.99

01:00:37.000 It's so fascinating.

01:00:38.000 It's so fascinating.

01:00:38.000 You know what it's like?

01:00:39.000 I didn't get it before.

01:00:40.000 You're in the middle of nowhere.

01:00:41.000 You're never going to see this topography.

01:00:42.000 And then you see a deer.

01:00:43.000 You see something that you can actually get.

01:00:45.000 And I love deer meat, by the way.

01:00:47.000 But you see it and you're like...

01:00:49.000 It's like winning the lottery.

01:00:51.000 It's like all of a sudden you're like...

01:00:52.000 This whole rush of discovering something new.

01:00:56.000 Well, you're in their world.

01:00:58.000 That's the weirdest thing about what it is, is when you do this sort of what they call immersion hunting, we basically went into the wild, like the real, legitimate wild.

01:01:09.000 It's not a road that's untraveled.

01:01:11.000 People travel it every year, but it's not that many.

01:01:14.000 Yeah.

01:01:37.000 And it's that crazy.

01:01:39.000 It's another world.

01:01:40.000 This world doesn't have any cell phone signal.

01:01:42.000 You don't see a building anywhere.

01:01:43.000 You get on top of the mountain and you climb up for hours. 0.81

01:01:47.000 You get to the top and you look out and it's kind of scary because you don't see shit for anywhere, to the left or to the right.

01:01:55.000 It's more of these hills and valleys, hills and valleys and no help, no stores, no nothing. 0.97

01:02:01.000 So you got what you brought with you and what you can kill here in Cook.

01:02:05.000 That's right. 0.99

01:02:06.000 That's exactly right.

01:02:07.000 And so when you creep up on a deer and wind up shooting that deer and killing it, you entered into a different reality.

01:02:15.000 You plugged into this different reality of hunting.

01:02:19.000 And also, I thought the most profound part of it was butchering my own deer.

01:02:23.000 And I'll tell you why.

01:02:25.000 We have a real disconnect to the food we eat. 0.99

01:02:28.000 You go to a McDonald's and you're eating a steer that was maybe killed I don't know how many months ago and then skinned by some stranger and then quartered and put together and grinded and processed with other cows and it's a mixture of shit. 0.99

01:02:41.000 Maybe some of the cows came from China. 0.99

01:02:43.000 It's the same thing with chicken and stuff.

01:02:45.000 There's a real disconnect with the animal protein that we eat.

01:02:48.000 We don't know how it's lived.

01:02:49.000 We don't know how it's suffered.

01:02:50.000 We don't know anything about it.

01:02:51.000 And that's always bothered me.

01:02:53.000 And one of the things I thought was, there were two things I found profound about not only killing a deer with that rifle, the force and the feeling of it, but also then butchering the meat.

01:03:05.000 The intimate process of gutting a deer and harvesting the liver and the heart and then skinning it and cutting into that meat that you're going to eat, the heat, the heat from the inside of its body,

01:03:21.000 because you've got to get in there.

01:03:22.000 I had blood.

01:03:23.000 We both had blood past my wrists.

01:03:26.000 And the intimate process The smell and the feel and the temperature, you really get a sense of the vast discrepancy between life and death and our own biology and how fragile we are.

01:03:41.000 You see what a scalpel, what a small knife can do to muscle and skin and sinew.

01:03:47.000 It's frightening.

01:03:48.000 It's frightening how easy it is to gut a deer, which is a much stronger animal than I am.

01:03:53.000 You know, it's just frightening to think about.

01:03:55.000 So it creates in your own sort of viscera a sense of true vulnerability.

01:04:01.000 And more importantly, like our own biology.

01:04:04.000 And I then had a very strong understanding and idea of how easy it was for hunter-gatherer or even our very recent ancestors to kill another human being.

01:04:14.000 Because when you kill an animal and you butcher it and you get that close to its body and its heart and its life force and then you see it go away.

01:04:23.000 Killing a human being would be exactly the same thing in a lot of ways because it's just another animal.

01:04:28.000 Now, obviously, we have different motifs on what a human being is.

01:04:31.000 They have a conscience and all that and blah, blah, blah.

01:04:33.000 But I'm just saying that I can understand how a hunter would make a very good and ready warrior.

01:04:39.000 There's a very...

01:04:41.000 Thin divide.

01:04:42.000 And most of us, as men in today's world, don't ever experience either one.

01:04:47.000 We don't experience death that intimately.

01:04:50.000 We don't experience even fighting that intimately.

01:04:54.000 Everything has to be simulation. 0.99

01:04:55.000 It has to be either a fucking video game or a jiu-jitsu mat. 0.99

01:04:59.000 Not even that. 0.99

01:05:00.000 How many of you are saying a jiu-jitsu mat?

01:05:02.000 That's the rarest of the rare.

01:05:03.000 Usually it's an argument in traffic.

01:05:05.000 Usually there's virtually no testing of yourself like that.

01:05:09.000 No connection to life and death like that.

01:05:12.000 Yeah.

01:05:12.000 And it actually made me more respectful.

01:05:14.000 It made me more respectful of deer, of the environment.

01:05:17.000 Being with a hunter like Ryan or Steve, what you realize actually is that hunters, to be an effective hunter, the irony is you have to have a deep, deep respect, love, and understanding of deer.

01:05:30.000 The animal, its behavior, and of the environment in which you are now a guest in.

01:05:36.000 Yeah, listen, it's not easy.

01:05:37.000 It's not easy.

01:05:38.000 I mean, people think you're just going out there and shooting defenseless animals.

01:05:41.000 No, what you're doing is you're going out and getting your own meat. 0.99

01:05:45.000 And it's a difficult fucking process. 0.99

01:05:47.000 It's very difficult. 0.99

01:05:48.000 And the guys who are really good at it, those guys love every aspect of it.

01:05:52.000 The Ryans and the Steve, Steve Rinell and Ryan Callahan, those guys that took us out there.

01:05:56.000 They love every aspect of it.

01:05:58.000 They're conservationists.

01:05:59.000 Yeah.

01:05:59.000 They're true conservationists.

01:06:01.000 They follow the rules to a T. To a T. They know every rule for every area they're hunting.

01:06:06.000 They pay attention to all of it.

01:06:08.000 Like where we were at, we couldn't use two-way communication.

01:06:10.000 So no one could say, like, hey, we saw some deer this morning.

01:06:13.000 You can't say that over the radio.

01:06:14.000 It's illegal.

01:06:15.000 Do you know what happened to me when I was hunting?

01:06:16.000 It changed my political point of view a little bit.

01:06:18.000 Really?

01:06:19.000 Yeah, you know why?

01:06:20.000 Why?

01:06:20.000 Well, this is weird because I always talk about being a libertarian and everything else, but then I realized the value and the importance of having strong regulation and rules.

01:06:29.000 Because if you talk to hunters and people who really know, without really strong anti-poaching laws, for example, or really strong regulation by the Fish and Game Service, you would have Everybody that I've talked to agrees, you'd have major abuses by assholes just machine gunning the whole fucking side of that ridge when they saw rams, 0.81

01:06:49.000 and you'd have no game left.

01:06:51.000 And in fact, American history and history in the Middle East certainly that I know of bears that out, that people always overhunted, they always overfished, and they continue to do that. 0.99

01:07:03.000 People are cunts. 0.97

01:07:04.000 When our ancestors figured out that you could run a woolly mammoth off a cliff, guess what? 1.00

01:07:09.000 Woolly mammoth disappeared.

01:07:11.000 And they starved.

01:07:12.000 This is what happens.

01:07:15.000 So human beings actually can be very short-sighted and can not do what's in their best interest sometimes.

01:07:22.000 You need some regulation.

01:07:24.000 Well, you didn't think that that was a good idea before the trip?

01:07:29.000 I didn't know.

01:07:30.000 You didn't think about it?

01:07:30.000 I just always have a visceral reaction to any government organization.

01:07:33.000 I go, well, are they making it worse or better?

01:07:35.000 No, there are some very good and important...

01:07:37.000 They're probably the best.

01:07:40.000 It's all done by hunters.

01:07:41.000 It's all done by people who hopefully, I think, you know, there was some dispute about who was going to be in charge of it now.

01:07:46.000 It's like people who are more animal rights oriented.

01:07:49.000 No, I don't trust them because Steve Brunella and guys like Ryan are huge believers and huge lovers of animals.

01:07:56.000 Yeah, and the other thing is, man, people can't deny that it needs to be done because there's only two options.

01:08:02.000 Either you hunt the animals or you reintroduce predators.

01:08:06.000 And when you reintroduce predators, you've got a whole new set of problems.

01:08:09.000 First of all, you've cut down on some free meat.

01:08:12.000 So, unless you're saying that people should stop eating meat totally, you've cut down on the amount of meat.

01:08:17.000 You've cut down on the most...

01:08:20.000 Humane way of ever harvesting an animal.

01:08:23.000 Letting the animal live its entire life wild and normal and undisturbed until you take it.

01:08:27.000 So it literally is a free animal and you go and earn it and get that animal.

01:08:31.000 It's not an animal trapped in a pen that you force into a corralled area and then it gets a piston through the brain.

01:08:36.000 Right.

01:08:36.000 It's like...

01:08:38.000 Living in a feedlot.

01:08:40.000 So I don't understand why you would want people to stop doing it.

01:08:44.000 Is it the idea that people are upset at the idea of someone actually taking the life themselves?

01:08:50.000 I mean, that must be...

01:08:51.000 That's the only argument I can see, you know.

01:08:53.000 Maybe it's they recognize that that connection between taking that animal and butchering that animal is very close to the connection of taking a human life.

01:09:01.000 My issue with hunting is I would not hunt a bear or a lion or something that I'm not going to eat.

01:09:06.000 I don't believe in that.

01:09:07.000 Apparently mountain lions taste good.

01:09:10.000 Steve Rinella said that mountain lion steak is delicious.

01:09:12.000 Yeah, he talks about it in the book.

01:09:14.000 He's got tasting notes on mountain lions.

01:09:15.000 It's pretty funny on the media.

01:09:16.000 That's funny.

01:09:19.000 It's hit or miss with mountain lions.

01:09:20.000 Sometimes it's so stringy you literally can't even chew into it.

01:09:24.000 If you roast it for a long time in a stew, it's kind of a pale meat and it's got an okay taste.

01:09:32.000 In fact, eating predators that live on animal protein is not such a good idea.

01:09:38.000 Except fish.

01:09:39.000 Except for fish.

01:09:40.000 Fish are all delicious that eat fish.

01:09:42.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

01:09:43.000 That's why you catch them with lures. 1.00

01:09:44.000 Stupid fucks. 1.00

01:09:46.000 How dumb are they? 1.00

01:09:47.000 It's like throwing a robot in front of you that you think you could fuck. 1.00

01:09:49.000 You dive on a prong stick in your asshole and you get dragged into another dimension. 1.00

01:09:54.000 It's like it's so rude. 1.00

01:09:56.000 I love what you say.

01:09:57.000 It's like you eat things with their face and you catch them by the face.

01:10:01.000 Yeah, well...

01:10:03.000 I'm so afraid of the ocean.

01:10:05.000 You should be.

01:10:06.000 Have you seen the ocean at night, dark when it's dark, pitch black?

01:10:08.000 I have.

01:10:09.000 I've been on it in a boat before.

01:10:10.000 It's terrifying.

01:10:10.000 Me too.

01:10:11.000 My parents lived on a sailboat for a couple of years.

01:10:13.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:10:14.000 Yeah, my parents got a wild hair across their ass and they decided to retire and kick back for a while. 0.99

01:10:20.000 And my dad just stopped working for a few years. 0.97

01:10:22.000 He went back to work afterwards, but he stopped working for a few years and just sailed around.

01:10:27.000 They lived in the Bahamas for a while.

01:10:29.000 That's great.

01:10:29.000 And they get stuck in a hurricane once.

01:10:31.000 Yeah, but then I always worry about pirates and things like that.

01:10:33.000 Yes, yes. 0.97

01:10:34.000 I mean, if I could have a turret gun and a fucking.50 caliber sniper rifle and a SEAL team following me, it'd be fine. 0.95

01:10:41.000 Until we address the imbalance of the world, Brian Callen, there's always going to be pirates. 0.97

01:10:45.000 I suppose you're right, my friend.

01:10:46.000 You know, we're always concerned with fattening up our own pockets, but unless we feed those poor people of Somalia, they're going to keep doing what they want to do. 1.00

01:10:55.000 I agree, I agree.

01:10:57.000 How do you fix that? 1.00

01:10:58.000 The Somalia thing is so fucked up. 1.00

01:11:00.000 It's literally an area the size of Texas or Western Europe. 1.00

01:11:04.000 That area that they talk about is so vast.

01:11:07.000 And yes, you're going to have very poor people who come in and go, let's hijack that very big boat and take whatever we have. 0.99

01:11:14.000 You know how it started?

01:11:15.000 Do you know how the Somalia thing started?

01:11:16.000 They called themselves the Volunteer Coast Guard of Somalia because what happened was the Somalian people were essentially fishermen.

01:11:24.000 And Europeans started dumping toxic waste off their shores. 1.00

01:11:28.000 And fishing their shores.

01:11:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Overfishing their shores with nets and shit. 0.99

01:11:32.000 And using a... 0.99

01:11:34.000 Did you hear that?

01:11:35.000 Or was it just me?

01:11:36.000 Did you hear that pop?

01:11:37.000 I didn't hear it.

01:11:37.000 Yeah, I did.

01:11:38.000 You hear it.

01:11:39.000 And then polluting it with all sorts of toxic waste and just fucked up their whole ecosystem.

01:11:45.000 So all of a sudden these people can't fish anymore.

01:11:47.000 So they started holding these people captive. 0.90

01:11:49.000 They would catch one of these fishing boats or one of these boats dumping shit off their coast. 0.91

01:11:52.000 They would kidnap them. 1.00

01:11:53.000 And they would demand a ransom because you guys have fucked up our fishing. 0.99

01:11:56.000 We want some money. 0.97

01:11:57.000 And then they realized, you know what? 1.00

01:11:58.000 Fuck fishing. 1.00

01:11:59.000 Let's just start jacking, dudes. 1.00

01:12:00.000 All these people are in boats.

01:12:02.000 Everybody's going to want them back.

01:12:03.000 And so they just started taking over boats.

01:12:06.000 It's total chaos.

01:12:07.000 I always think about that Navy SEAL guy that actually on a boat as it was bobbing up and down.

01:12:12.000 Shot that dude with a headshot as his boat was bobbing up and down.

01:12:16.000 That's what you call good marksmanship.

01:12:18.000 He probably used a Win Mag 300. Apparently the gun I dropped that deer with was what some of the SEAL team snipers used.

01:12:24.000 That was a sick gun.

01:12:26.000 That gun was pretty awesome.

01:12:27.000 It was really accurate.

01:12:29.000 You shot really well, too.

01:12:30.000 You dropped your deer at, what, 200 yards or something?

01:12:32.000 They said it was a great shot.

01:12:34.000 It's hard to stay calm.

01:12:35.000 But like I said, I'm so used to doing things when I'm nervous.

01:12:39.000 I think it helped.

01:12:40.000 Me too.

01:12:40.000 Like knowing how to stay calm.

01:12:42.000 Once I remember to just control my breathing and just focus on my trigger finger, everything stopped.

01:12:48.000 It's so easy to say, but it's so hard to get a calm...

01:12:52.000 Relaxing.

01:12:53.000 Because you're also trying to calm yourself down.

01:12:55.000 You're out of breath to begin with usually.

01:12:57.000 It's very cold.

01:12:57.000 And you have ten seconds.

01:12:58.000 Because this fucking thing is not going to stay still. 0.99

01:13:00.000 This thing's moving. 1.00

01:13:01.000 So as it's turned inside to you.

01:13:03.000 You're on your belly. 1.00

01:13:04.000 You've got quills in your fucking leg. 1.00

01:13:06.000 Steve Vanilla blew a little horn. 1.00

01:13:07.000 It sounds like a fawn.

01:13:10.000 Like a little thing.

01:13:11.000 And the deer went like this.

01:13:12.000 And then boom! 0.98

01:13:14.000 That's where I shot him. 1.00

01:13:15.000 It's fucked up, man. 0.99

01:13:17.000 The whole process of it was fascinating. 1.00

01:13:18.000 And then eating it that night.

01:13:20.000 Well, you had gotten a deer, and I was so worried I wasn't going to get a deer.

01:13:24.000 And then I was like, we're going for a buck, and then I found out we could actually shoot bucks or does.

01:13:28.000 And he turns around and he goes, you want to shoot a doe? 0.95

01:13:30.000 I go... 1.00

01:13:31.000 Yeah, I want to shoot a girl. 1.00

01:13:33.000 I'm eating it. 0.98

01:13:35.000 Isn't it funny that that's a big issue for a lot of people?

01:13:38.000 Like, I don't want to shoot a girl. 1.00

01:13:39.000 Well, you know what else is interesting about where we were hunting is they were talking about the huge winter kills.

01:13:43.000 Most of those mule dealers don't make it through the winter.

01:13:46.000 They die of starvation or the cold.

01:13:48.000 That kills them more than predators. 0.99

01:13:49.000 Although we did find some mountain lion shits. 1.00

01:13:52.000 We found some big, fat, thick shit that were filled with hair. 1.00

01:13:56.000 Really? 1.00

01:13:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:57.000 He was like, man, that's either one hell of a coyote or a mountain lion.

01:14:01.000 He goes, most likely a mountain lion. 1.00

01:14:02.000 It's a pretty big piece of shit. 1.00

01:14:04.000 Wow. 1.00

01:14:04.000 He goes, big, fat, mountain lion asshole. 1.00

01:14:07.000 Was it as big as the shit that you took of me? 1.00

01:14:10.000 No, it was different than your shit. 1.00

01:14:12.000 It was more meaty. 1.00

01:14:13.000 They don't have any fucking vegetables or oatmeal in there. 0.99

01:14:16.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00

01:14:17.000 I took a photo of Brian's shit, and we put a flag. 1.00

01:14:20.000 You made a flag. 1.00

01:14:21.000 He made a tinfoil flag, planted it next to my shit. 0.99

01:14:25.000 I did a lunge and presented it to him, and he took a picture. 0.99

01:14:29.000 Hey, we're 45, everybody.

01:14:31.000 What I was going to say on Twitter... 0.99

01:14:33.000 That Brian took this shit off the Missouri River and we put a flag next to it. 0.99

01:14:38.000 If you can go find it, I'll give you $1,000. 1.00

01:14:40.000 I was going to have a Twitter contest to find Brian's shit. 0.99

01:14:43.000 But you have to use these waste bags. 1.00

01:14:46.000 You can't just leave your shit laying around on the Missouri River. 1.00

01:14:48.000 It's foul. 1.00

01:14:49.000 You have to dig it up and put it in these waste bags or shit in the bag itself. 0.95

01:14:54.000 The bag has some powdered chemical in it that kills the smell and you zip it up and seal it. 0.98

01:14:59.000 So we had to essentially carry five days worth of shits with us. 0.95

01:15:02.000 It was so weird. 0.98

01:15:03.000 The whole thing was, living like that was really fascinating.

01:15:07.000 And man, when we got back to that hotel room on the fifth day, we landed our boats, we traveled like 40-something miles by canoe, and every day it was like six miles hiking.

01:15:18.000 And when we got back...

01:15:19.000 I stunk. 0.77

01:15:21.000 I stunk terrible. 0.95

01:15:22.000 But when I got in that shower, oh my god, I was so appreciative.

01:15:26.000 And then we had a great meal with the wine.

01:15:27.000 Yeah, it was great.

01:15:29.000 What was the name of that place we went to?

01:15:30.000 I think, what was it called?

01:15:31.000 It was really good. 1.00

01:15:32.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:15:33.000 Walters? 1.00

01:15:34.000 No.

01:15:34.000 Walkers?

01:15:35.000 Walkers?

01:15:36.000 Yeah.

01:15:36.000 Really nice people, too.

01:15:37.000 Really good food.

01:15:37.000 Great place.

01:15:38.000 Billings, Montana is surprisingly diverse.

01:15:42.000 Yeah, it is.

01:15:42.000 We saw a black guy there.

01:15:44.000 A couple of black guys.

01:15:45.000 We saw several gay gentlemen who were sitting at our table, in fact, at one point.

01:15:51.000 Some were working as waiters.

01:15:54.000 I felt at home.

01:15:55.000 I was like, this looks like LA or New York.

01:15:57.000 The gay guy was swapping gossip with me.

01:16:00.000 It was awesome.

01:16:00.000 Oh, really?

01:16:01.000 Oh, yes.

01:16:02.000 He was telling me about this one and that one.

01:16:04.000 Then there was the guy that we met that had a stroke because he did too much meth.

01:16:08.000 Yep, I remember him.

01:16:09.000 Handsome guy, but just had a stroke. 1.00

01:16:11.000 Fucking meth is bad, folks. 0.99

01:16:13.000 Yeah, nobody ever did meth and went, you know what? 1.00

01:16:14.000 Everything worked out after that.

01:16:15.000 This dude got a stroke from meth.

01:16:17.000 He was 23 years old. 1.00

01:16:18.000 He had a fucking meth stroke. 1.00

01:16:20.000 Like, whoa. 1.00

01:16:21.000 So he's recovering from that.

01:16:24.000 But like the kitchen is like, you know, they were all like hipsters working there. 1.00

01:16:27.000 The chef had this big knife tattoo on his forearm.

01:16:30.000 You know, it's like, it's really interesting.

01:16:32.000 Like, here you are in this, what used to be thought of as a cow town, like a classic cow town, Billings, Montana.

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:37.000 But in fact, it's like really kind of a cool town.

01:16:40.000 A lot of cool and interesting people.

01:16:41.000 There are a lot of gems, hidden gems like that in this country.

01:16:45.000 Columbia, Missouri is just an unbelievable little town.

01:16:49.000 It's a college town.

01:16:50.000 Yeah, Ann Arbor, Michigan.

01:16:51.000 What is it called?

01:16:52.000 Ann Arbor, Michigan.

01:16:53.000 Yeah, Ann Arbor's another great town.

01:16:54.000 I think it's called the Comedy Showcase.

01:16:56.000 No.

01:16:56.000 I am doing helium this weekend, though.

01:16:59.000 Friday, Saturday.

01:17:00.000 Helium in Philly is one of the all-time great clubs.

01:17:03.000 Really?

01:17:03.000 It really is, yeah.

01:17:04.000 Come get your tickets, heliumcomedy.com.

01:17:06.000 Yeah, just go to Brian's Twitter.

01:17:08.000 You got it up on your Twitter, right?

01:17:09.000 I'm putting it up.

01:17:10.000 You don't have it up yet?

01:17:11.000 And you're there this weekend?

01:17:12.000 I should have it up, right? 1.00

01:17:13.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:17:14.000 I'm doing it right now. 1.00

01:17:15.000 I'm tweeting right now.

01:17:16.000 I'll put it up.

01:17:16.000 We'll put it up after the show.

01:17:17.000 I'll do it for you.

01:17:18.000 Have you done Gotham in New York?

01:17:20.000 I'll be in Gotham.

01:17:20.000 Yeah, I've done Gotham.

01:17:22.000 The following weekend.

01:17:22.000 Yeah, I used to do that all the time.

01:17:23.000 Chris D'Elia is my boy.

01:17:25.000 I mean, Chris Mazzilli, who owns it.

01:17:28.000 You know.

01:17:28.000 Yeah, Gotham is a great club.

01:17:30.000 It's another one of the best clubs.

01:17:32.000 It's like one of the best clubs.

01:17:33.000 I think it's my favorite place to play in New York.

01:17:35.000 I used to do Caroline's when I came into town, but Caroline's has that stage that's so small.

01:17:40.000 Yeah, I'm actually hosting on Thursday, the 15th.

01:17:43.000 I'm hosting live at Gotham, which they're shooting again.

01:17:46.000 Oh, yeah?

01:17:46.000 Yeah.

01:17:46.000 That'll be fun.

01:17:47.000 Then I have my own.

01:17:48.000 I did that once.

01:17:49.000 Then I'm doing two shows Friday on the 16th and two shows Saturday on the 17th of November.

01:17:54.000 So come by.

01:17:54.000 Gotham Comedy Club.

01:17:55.000 That place was fun.

01:17:56.000 I did that once.

01:17:57.000 Yeah, you did it.

01:17:57.000 In fact, I was with you when you...

01:17:59.000 I wasn't even doing stand-up and you got up and did a set there a long time ago.

01:18:03.000 Really?

01:18:03.000 Yeah.

01:18:04.000 We killed it.

01:18:04.000 It was me and Patty.

01:18:05.000 We watched you and...

01:18:06.000 Powerful Patty. 1.00

01:18:07.000 Powerful Patty. 1.00

01:18:08.000 You should get her on that podcast. 0.98

01:18:10.000 She's fucking awesome. 0.94

01:18:11.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:18:11.000 I would love to have her on. 0.97

01:18:12.000 I love Patty.

01:18:12.000 We had a talk about the afterlife on my podcast.

01:18:15.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:18:15.000 She was so fucking good. 0.97

01:18:17.000 Patty's a funny... 1.00

01:18:17.000 Patty's Brian's ex-girlfriend who's also a brilliant director. 1.00

01:18:22.000 Just a fascinating chick. 1.00

01:18:23.000 Yeah.

01:18:23.000 She's so rare because she's so very dude-like.

01:18:27.000 When you're having conversations with her, she's very dude-like.

01:18:31.000 When she was describing to me situations like actress breakdowns and craziness and the kind of stuff that she has to manage, like being a director, sometimes it's like babysitting.

01:18:42.000 I know.

01:18:43.000 We always hear, like, Kevin Pollack was on, Opie and Anthony yesterday, and was talking about some instance that he had on a set with Michael Clarke Duncan being a diva, and he told the whole story about it, even after the guy was dead, you know? 0.99

01:18:55.000 But it's like, they all have these fucking stories. 0.92

01:18:58.000 Like, every director, every person who works a set, they all have these nutty stories of something. 0.99

01:19:03.000 Dove Davidoff just told me that he interviewed on his podcast Lorenzo Lamas.

01:19:08.000 By the way, I just did Dove on my podcast on ManThoughts, which I'm posting today.

01:19:14.000 He went to a psychiatrist, Dove, and you know what the psychiatrist said after 20 minutes?

01:19:18.000 He goes, I see what's going on here.

01:19:20.000 Dove goes, what?

01:19:21.000 He goes, you actually don't think you have a right to be born.

01:19:23.000 I mean, you don't think you have a right to exist.

01:19:26.000 Is that how you feel?

01:19:27.000 Dove was like, yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

01:19:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:19:31.000 Really? 1.00

01:19:31.000 Yeah, we talked about it on the fucking podcast. 1.00

01:19:33.000 Wait a minute, Dov Davidoff doesn't feel like he should have the right to have been born? 1.00

01:19:36.000 Yeah, if you know how he grew up, it's his fucking life. 0.98

01:19:40.000 I mean, Renee Zellweger's starring and directing the movie of his life. 0.99

01:19:44.000 She's playing Dov Davidoff?

01:19:45.000 She's playing the girl that likes him and loves him.

01:19:47.000 She's playing Dov Davidoff.

01:19:48.000 She's like, I can do it.

01:19:49.000 Johnny Knoxville's playing Dov Davidoff.

01:19:51.000 Wow.

01:19:52.000 In a story about his life.

01:19:53.000 That's a fascinating thing. 0.99

01:19:54.000 I'm posting the fucking podcast today. 0.98

01:19:58.000 Did Dove write all the dialogue and everything? 0.99

01:20:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:05.000 It was initially his thing.

01:20:07.000 I put him together with Anthony Tambacis, my buddy who wrote Warrior.

01:20:10.000 Oh, he wrote it?

01:20:11.000 Anthony's such a badass writer. 0.99

01:20:13.000 Every draft he'd come up with, you'd be like, how the fuck do you write this?

01:20:16.000 You know, Warrior was a strange movie because it didn't get the attention that I thought it deserved.

01:20:21.000 I saw that movie and I was like, wow, that's going to be a big hit movie.

01:20:25.000 The only problem with that movie was the two-day fighting thing.

01:20:28.000 They fought two days in a row.

01:20:29.000 I was like, man, I feel like you could have got around that.

01:20:32.000 You had everything up to that. 0.91

01:20:34.000 I mean, there was some cliched topics and cliched angles, but it was done so fucking well.

01:20:43.000 Everybody from Nick Nolte... 0.89

01:20:45.000 Down to the two brothers.

01:20:46.000 I mean, it was really done well. 1.00

01:20:47.000 It was a great fucking movie. 1.00

01:20:49.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it, man. 1.00

01:20:50.000 And my wife enjoyed it. 0.98

01:20:52.000 She doesn't really even like fighting.

01:20:53.000 It tested higher with women than it did with men. 1.00

01:20:55.000 It's a good fucking movie, dude. 1.00

01:20:56.000 Yeah, it really was. 1.00

01:20:57.000 It was a good fucking movie. 0.99

01:20:58.000 But for whatever reason, it just disappeared. 0.99

01:21:00.000 Like, I didn't get it.

01:21:01.000 I was confused.

01:21:02.000 There's a lot of times that happens, man, where a movie just will just slip through.

01:21:07.000 But a movie like that, too, was so epic.

01:21:09.000 So much was put into it, and it made $6 million or something.

01:21:12.000 It's only a weekend.

01:21:13.000 It's just such a heartbreak, you know?

01:21:14.000 It's too bad.

01:21:15.000 I don't get it.

01:21:16.000 I would have thought that movie would have taken off.

01:21:18.000 Maybe it's just people were just like all...

01:21:20.000 Whoa.

01:21:21.000 We got a problem, Brian.

01:21:23.000 That thing just popped really loud.

01:21:24.000 I think it's just the headphone jack problem.

01:21:26.000 Yeah, I think it is.

01:21:27.000 Actually, that's what it felt like.

01:21:28.000 Really?

01:21:28.000 Yes.

01:21:29.000 Brian, how do you know? 1.00

01:21:30.000 You talk shit. 1.00

01:21:30.000 Because I felt it when I moved. 1.00

01:21:32.000 I moved this. 1.00

01:21:32.000 Oh, it's you, you fuck. 1.00

01:21:33.000 You're moving things. 1.00

01:21:34.000 And that's why it's popping.

01:21:36.000 See?

01:21:36.000 Ha ha ha ha.

01:21:38.000 We solved the problem. 1.00

01:21:39.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:21:40.000 This is a new thing, actually, that we got. 1.00

01:21:42.000 I ordered one of those, right?

01:21:43.000 Yeah.

01:21:46.000 Anyway, where were we?

01:21:49.000 We're at a loss of words.

01:21:51.000 We're talking about...

01:21:52.000 How the movie only made six million dollars and it's heartbreaking.

01:21:56.000 Writing anything in life and, you know, doing a movie or anything that takes a long time, building a business, it's all an act of faith, man.

01:22:03.000 And guess what? 0.96

01:22:04.000 Sometimes it just doesn't fucking work. 0.97

01:22:06.000 You just hope it does. 0.95

01:22:07.000 The problem is you're dealing with a giant group of people and trying to, everybody's vision, trying to funnel them into, like, one sort of cohesive laser beam.

01:22:16.000 Right.

01:22:16.000 Listen, man.

01:22:17.000 It's like I told you I had to sit down with Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. 0.99

01:22:20.000 Just me, him, and fucking John Leguizamo. 0.97

01:22:25.000 Yeah, you had a good time, huh? 0.99

01:22:27.000 Well, no, the reason I bring it up is he was talking about being governor for eight years and how fucking getting anything done was basically impossible. 0.61

01:22:37.000 So he'd have a really common sense measure, let's say, measuring the groundwater for farmers because we can use more of that water to go, you know, we don't need all this water. 0.73

01:22:48.000 Let's measure the groundwater, see how much you need, and we'll siphon the rest off in L.A. And the farmers look at him and go, oh, nah, it's not going to happen.

01:22:54.000 He's like, what do you mean?

01:22:56.000 Common sense?

01:22:57.000 We'll be right back.

01:22:58.000 Three hours later, seven Republican senators are up in his office going, Mr. Governor, you're not going to measure the groundwater.

01:23:05.000 It's not going to happen, but here's what we'll do.

01:23:07.000 You call for a measuring of the groundwater, and we'll act like, basically, and then the farmers won't let us on the land.

01:23:13.000 Everybody wins, huh?

01:23:14.000 You get it?

01:23:14.000 You get it now?

01:23:15.000 How's that?

01:23:16.000 He's literally saying, you're dealing with such powerful special interests. 1.00

01:23:20.000 He said, the only thing I could do as a governor was veto shit. 0.99

01:23:24.000 By the way, talking to him, he's so socially liberal. 1.00

01:23:28.000 I'm right down.

01:23:29.000 This guy, he's just physically conservative.

01:23:32.000 He's talking about the insanity.

01:23:34.000 He's more of the pull yourself up by the seat of your pants.

01:23:37.000 Yeah, but he's also very socially liberal.

01:23:38.000 He believes in marriage.

01:23:40.000 Yeah, and also he believes we should just think about global warming.

01:23:43.000 He's got regulations.

01:23:45.000 I'm right with him practically.

01:23:47.000 As he was speaking, he was just so fair-minded.

01:23:51.000 But common sense measures, common sense farming policy in this country where you don't subsidize huge factory farms, try doing that sometime.

01:23:59.000 Try getting elected.

01:24:01.000 These people spend all day down on Capitol Hill.

01:24:07.000 When was the last time you were petitioning Capitol Hill? 1.00

01:24:08.000 It's just the system is stupid. 1.00

01:24:10.000 It's just really stupid. 1.00

01:24:11.000 You've got big labor unions that can make or break your election. 1.00

01:24:14.000 Well, Obama's been talking about special interest groups.

01:24:17.000 He's been talking about getting rid of lobbyists.

01:24:20.000 It's hard, though, because constitutionally you're allowed to petition your government.

01:24:23.000 So how do you get around that?

01:24:24.000 I don't know.

01:24:25.000 I mean, there is a way. 0.97

01:24:27.000 Yeah, constitutionally, the Bill of Rights used to also have a lot of shit, and it's not there anymore because of Patriot Act, NDAA. You could easily fix that, too. 0.96

01:24:37.000 You could.

01:24:37.000 It just seems like the idea of a lobbyist, it should be completely illegal.

01:24:42.000 It should be completely illegal that you can use money. 0.99

01:24:44.000 There's something wrong with the fact that all those counties around Capitol Hill are the wealthiest counties and they don't produce a goddamn thing. 0.92

01:24:49.000 It's just lawyers and lobbyists. 0.96

01:24:50.000 They don't produce anything.

01:24:51.000 What they do is they go...

01:24:53.000 They're unbeholden of various companies and they go and say, Hey, Mr. Senator...

01:24:58.000 You need to vote for this because it'll bring a lot of jobs also to your constituency.

01:25:01.000 We need a new airplane.

01:25:03.000 And Boeing happens to have a plan there.

01:25:06.000 You'll hire 1,100 people.

01:25:08.000 Just vote for it.

01:25:09.000 Don't look weak on defense.

01:25:11.000 They're system gangsters.

01:25:13.000 They find a system and they exploit the weaknesses in the system.

01:25:16.000 And that's where we're at.

01:25:18.000 So we have to deal with all these weaknesses.

01:25:20.000 And you can't...

01:25:21.000 You can't just say, well, you know, this is fine.

01:25:24.000 We just need to add some more laws. 0.85

01:25:27.000 No, no, no, no.

01:25:28.000 The whole thing should be parsed down to some really simple language, and you need to get all outside influence out of it.

01:25:40.000 It has to completely be the will of the people.

01:25:42.000 And if people choose to act like in groups as far as like, you know, religious groups want to boycott things or, you know, certain people, gay and lesbian people want to support things so they support gay marriage, that's fine.

01:25:54.000 That's all good.

01:25:54.000 Organize.

01:25:55.000 Do whatever the fuck you want to do.

01:25:56.000 But the idea that you can get to the actual politicians themselves with money. 0.98

01:26:02.000 And get special favors.

01:26:03.000 Yeah.

01:26:04.000 To make money.

01:26:05.000 That's crazy.

01:26:06.000 To make money.

01:26:06.000 That's crazy.

01:26:07.000 That doesn't make any sense. 0.99

01:26:08.000 That's ridiculous. 0.96

01:26:09.000 And it should be illegal. 0.79

01:26:10.000 How is that not legal, but yet insider trading is?

01:26:13.000 That doesn't make any sense.

01:26:15.000 Well, insider trading is not legal, but...

01:26:18.000 Not illegal, I meant.

01:26:19.000 How is that not illegal?

01:26:20.000 I should have said, how is that legal in insider trading is illegal?

01:26:24.000 I mean, it's essentially, it's all stealing.

01:26:27.000 It's all finding all these numbers and pulling them out of the system and sticking them into your account. 0.99

01:26:33.000 It's like you're doing some crazy shit. 0.99

01:26:35.000 You're influencing the way America runs. 1.00

01:26:39.000 You're influencing democracy, man.

01:26:40.000 Freedom.

01:26:40.000 You're influencing personal freedom for sure.

01:26:42.000 How many people are in private prisons right now due to non-violent drug offenses that are a direct result of lobbyists pushing for certain things to remain illegal?

01:26:52.000 That is clear.

01:26:53.000 That is money influencing people's freedom.

01:26:56.000 That is literally shifting in degrees, left or to the right, you know, as far as plus or minus, how many people are incarcerated?

01:27:03.000 That strikes me, what you're saying strikes me as the most important.

01:27:12.000 I believe that.

01:27:13.000 And I think it was James Madison who said that special interest groups have always been the threat to this form of system of government.

01:27:20.000 However, they'll cancel each other out.

01:27:21.000 But it's not happening.

01:27:23.000 It seems like the group that has the strongest...

01:27:26.000 Look at what organized labor...

01:27:29.000 I'm part of a union, so I understand unions. 1.00

01:27:31.000 But some of these fucking labor unions are just... 0.99

01:27:35.000 And I was talking to Schwarzenegger about this... 1.00

01:27:36.000 They're literally lobbying and they get it.

01:27:40.000 They lobby for when they retire after 15, 20 years.

01:27:43.000 They get 95% of their salary or whatever it is for the rest of their lives.

01:27:47.000 Now, who says we can't afford that?

01:27:49.000 They've bankrupt the state.

01:27:51.000 They have bankrupt the state.

01:27:54.000 It's all different kinds of organized groups of labor.

01:27:58.000 Look at what the United Auto Workers Union did to itself.

01:28:02.000 You could retire with 95% of your pension for the rest of your life and your whole family had benefits for the rest of their lives?

01:28:07.000 What are you talking about?

01:28:08.000 No, you couldn't sell enough cars to support your pension plan.

01:28:14.000 Is that the truth?

01:28:15.000 Yes.

01:28:16.000 That's exactly what happened.

01:28:17.000 95%?

01:28:18.000 95% of your salary.

01:28:19.000 So are you going to go out and look for another job?

01:28:21.000 Of course not.

01:28:22.000 And this is exactly what happens with these big pension plans. 0.96

01:28:26.000 Still though, in their point of view, they're busting their ass for 20 years, making millions of dollars for Chevrolet. 0.90

01:28:30.000 Not the point. 0.95

01:28:31.000 How about you give me my money forever?

01:28:33.000 Chevrolet couldn't afford it.

01:28:34.000 They bankrupt the company. 1.00

01:28:35.000 Sons of bitches should have made some better cars. 1.00

01:28:37.000 It's what I was talking about. 0.99

01:28:38.000 They should have made all Corvettes. 0.60

01:28:39.000 They should have thrown all those other shitboxes out and everybody would have had Corvettes. 1.00

01:28:43.000 Just make more, cheaper.

01:28:45.000 It wasn't even that their product was so bad and they're making really good products now.

01:28:48.000 It's that they can't afford their retirement pool. 0.98

01:28:52.000 And by the way, the same thing goes for almost every county in this fucking great state of ours, California. 0.97

01:28:58.000 California, economically, looks a lot like Greece. 0.98

01:29:02.000 And you know who told me that?

01:29:03.000 Arnold Schwarzenegger.

01:29:04.000 But you know, I also read that in Michael Lewis' book.

01:29:07.000 He did an exhaustive study on it.

01:29:09.000 California... 1.00

01:29:10.000 Do you think Michael Lewis gets any pussy? 1.00

01:29:11.000 Or is he just out there studying numbers? 1.00

01:29:13.000 He's so smart.

01:29:14.000 Just looking at numbers.

01:29:15.000 He's kind of a cool, from what I've seen pictures, he's kind of like a regular looking, pretty cool looking dude.

01:29:19.000 Yeah?

01:29:20.000 Yeah.

01:29:20.000 Some people write huge books and get laid all the time.

01:29:24.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

01:29:24.000 I hate them. 1.00

01:29:25.000 Those sons of bitches. 1.00

01:29:26.000 At least I'm funnier. 1.00

01:29:26.000 I hope. 1.00

01:29:27.000 You hope?

01:29:27.000 I hope.

01:29:28.000 You never know.

01:29:28.000 I'm sure you are.

01:29:29.000 It's always good to be around people who you're a little in awe of, who just are better at some shit. 0.99

01:29:33.000 It's important. 1.00

01:29:34.000 It's important to be around people that are good at shit too. 1.00

01:29:35.000 Smarter. 0.99

01:29:36.000 You know, I did San Francisco and Seattle this past weekend.

01:29:39.000 We did it with Brian and Greg Fitzsimmons. 0.96

01:29:41.000 Greg Fitzsimmons is fucking funny, man. 0.95

01:29:43.000 He's funny. 0.98

01:29:44.000 He's always been funny.

01:29:45.000 Oh, dude. 0.98

01:29:45.000 He's always been funny, but he's got this new level of I don't give a fuck that I haven't seen from him before. 0.98

01:29:52.000 He took it to the next level this weekend. 0.98

01:29:54.000 He's great.

01:29:55.000 This past weekend was awesome.

01:29:56.000 He was really funny in Seattle, too.

01:29:58.000 How much time did he do?

01:29:59.000 Like a half hour.

01:30:00.000 That's great.

01:30:01.000 Yeah, it was awesome. 0.68

01:30:02.000 Killer.

01:30:02.000 It's just like my style of comedy that I enjoy watching.

01:30:06.000 Just like really ridiculous, rude, honest, hilarious, descriptive. 0.52

01:30:11.000 It was really fun. 0.93

01:30:14.000 There's certain types of music.

01:30:17.000 If you go to a club to see music, it's never just live music and you take a guess as whether or not it's going to be hip-hop or country-western.

01:30:24.000 But with stand-up comedy, we don't really have genres.

01:30:28.000 You could call someone a shock comic, which is derogatory, really, to a lot of folks.

01:30:34.000 But meanwhile, my favorite comics would be classified in the shock comic category.

01:30:38.000 Like Dice Clay...

01:30:40.000 Call him a shock comic. 0.98

01:30:41.000 I think he creates ridiculous scenarios that are disgusting and hilarious. 0.91

01:30:47.000 A lot of us think but don't say. 1.00

01:30:49.000 By the way, it's a fucking work of art. 0.99

01:30:51.000 He's a character. 0.99

01:30:53.000 His name isn't even Andrew Dice Clay.

01:30:54.000 He's made a character.

01:30:56.000 He does it on stage.

01:30:57.000 He's got giant glasses on. 1.00

01:30:58.000 And he says ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:31:01.000 You can't just diminish that by calling it shock comedy. 1.00

01:31:04.000 Because to me, it's not.

01:31:05.000 It's a style of comedy.

01:31:06.000 It's a legit style.

01:31:08.000 Yeah.

01:31:08.000 But we don't have labels.

01:31:10.000 There's certain types of comedy where...

01:31:12.000 You and I were talking also about what a privilege it is to be a headliner and to be somebody who gets to perform all over the country.

01:31:20.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

01:31:21.000 Sometimes I look out, I was in Miami, like Fort Lauderdale, and at one point I just had him going pretty strong. 0.97

01:31:28.000 And I just looked at him and I was like, I felt like the luckiest human being in the fucking world. 0.96

01:31:31.000 That's why when I watch Matt McConaughey... 0.99

01:31:34.000 In fucking Magic Mike. 1.00

01:31:36.000 In his fucking leather chest girdle. 1.00

01:31:39.000 And his fucking... 1.00

01:31:40.000 His hot pants. 1.00

01:31:42.000 And he's coming off stage after dancing.

01:31:44.000 Hey, y'all.

01:31:44.000 How y'all doing?

01:31:45.000 Yeah, I did it!

01:31:46.000 Hey, hey, Yoker boy. 1.00

01:31:47.000 Come fucking do ten minutes of stand-up, you fucking idiot. 1.00

01:31:50.000 I don't jump off stage like, I just did an hour and a half and crushed him. 1.00

01:31:53.000 Somebody hug me hard so I can kiss your mouth. 0.79

01:31:55.000 What is this animosity?

01:31:57.000 Anger from Matt.

01:31:57.000 I'm attracted to him, alright?

01:32:00.000 Expressing me. 0.98

01:32:00.000 I mean, I hate him. 0.98

01:32:01.000 I mean, I hate him. 1.00

01:32:02.000 I mean, I hate him. 0.97

01:32:02.000 Touch you in Malibu? 0.97

01:32:04.000 No, I was just thinking about how, you know, you're an actor and you have five scenes in a movie and you're like, whoa, you were great in that movie.

01:32:11.000 You collectively are probably doing 10 or 15 minutes of actual activity, whereas when you do stand-up, you're up there for, you know, it's just a different, it's just a different thing.

01:32:20.000 It feels, it feels...

01:32:21.000 Well, why would you care, though, that he wants to... 0.74

01:32:23.000 Because I hate him so much.

01:32:26.000 What does it matter?

01:32:26.000 What's going on?

01:32:27.000 No, I just saw the movie and I was just looking at him going, you took this movie just so you could wear those outfits.

01:32:33.000 He gave you the biggest boner, didn't he?

01:32:34.000 He did. 0.99

01:32:36.000 If I was gay, I would definitely...

01:32:38.000 He's a very attractive man.

01:32:39.000 Which one would you choose out of the Magic Mike?

01:32:41.000 Oh, Channing Tatum.

01:32:42.000 Really?

01:32:42.000 That's my boyfriend.

01:32:43.000 You kidding?

01:32:44.000 He's got a full mouth.

01:32:44.000 He's got the best genetics.

01:32:46.000 He's got thick lips.

01:32:47.000 He's got nice skin.

01:32:48.000 The eyes on him?

01:32:49.000 The cat eyes?

01:32:50.000 He seems confident, too.

01:32:51.000 He's a great guy. 1.00

01:32:52.000 I bet he's got a big cock. 0.99

01:32:53.000 Sense of humor. 1.00

01:32:54.000 Jesus, we're both really suddenly Joe Rogan and Brian Callen, gay as it gets, talking about Channing Tatum's cock. 0.99

01:33:00.000 So did you watch the actual whole movie? 0.99

01:33:01.000 The way you just said that, by the way, that just came out of you. 1.00

01:33:02.000 You just went, I bet he's got a big cock. 1.00

01:33:04.000 Bet he's got a big cock. 1.00

01:33:06.000 Did you watch the actual whole movie? 0.99

01:33:09.000 Yeah, because I wanted to annoy myself more and more.

01:33:11.000 Although I thought the movie was good and I liked Channing Tatum.

01:33:15.000 I mean, I had my hands. 0.57

01:33:17.000 That movie looked so gay that I was flipping through the channels. 1.00

01:33:20.000 I was flipping through the channels and I saw it. 0.91

01:33:22.000 It popped up and I went...

01:33:23.000 Whoa, change it quick.

01:33:25.000 Like, you know how you're flipping through, like, you have preview and the next preview?

01:33:29.000 I know.

01:33:29.000 Like, at a hotel.

01:33:30.000 I was chilling in a hotel. 0.97

01:33:31.000 And I was like, this is so gay. 0.96

01:33:33.000 I gotta get it off. 0.76

01:33:34.000 Like, dudes were, like, gyrating back and forth.

01:33:37.000 Which, by the way, I don't think women like that. 1.00

01:33:40.000 I think that motion is really just isolated as someone riding dicks. 0.97

01:33:44.000 I don't think that gyrating, like, the way a guy's doing it. 0.99

01:33:48.000 Women like thrusting. 1.00

01:33:49.000 They like to get fucked. 1.00

01:33:51.000 They don't... 1.00

01:33:51.000 They want you, you're a dick rider, you dick riding circle man. 1.00

01:33:56.000 Dick riding sweaty circle man. 1.00

01:33:58.000 And McConaughey's doing, he's got a fucking leather thong and he's doing back bends and shit. 0.99

01:34:04.000 But the character, I was watching, what bothered me was I was watching, I go, you know, as an actor, if I took that role, there's a lot I'd do with that role maybe, but I wouldn't because there's not a lot to do. 0.99

01:34:14.000 Like he played it just one note. 1.00

01:34:15.000 Shut the fuck up, bitch. 1.00

01:34:16.000 You would take that role in a goddamn heartbeat. 1.00

01:34:18.000 Well, I gotta, I gotta. 1.00

01:34:18.000 You and Channing Tatum in your underwear. 1.00

01:34:20.000 Forget it.

01:34:21.000 That guy would be your boyfriend.

01:34:22.000 He'd be carried around like he was crossing the wedding nuptial line. 0.95

01:34:25.000 Yeah, but I would look like I have fucking rickets next to that guy, so I don't want to do that.

01:34:29.000 You would do the movie with him, though, dude. 0.85

01:34:30.000 You would do it. 1.00

01:34:30.000 So shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:34:32.000 You're giving Matthew McConaughey a hard time, and you're doing the movie. 1.00

01:34:35.000 Maybe he just wanted to meet Channing Tatum, too.

01:34:37.000 You know what?

01:34:37.000 Just tell us about it.

01:34:38.000 Matthew, I'm sorry, brother.

01:34:40.000 I don't mean to put you down.

01:34:41.000 You've got a point there.

01:34:42.000 Seems like a nice enough guy, Matthew McConaughey.

01:34:43.000 I hear he's a very nice guy.

01:34:45.000 Yeah, I hear he's a nice guy, too. 0.55

01:34:46.000 Doesn't mean he's not really vain and annoying. 0.79

01:34:48.000 Well, listen, man. 0.50

01:34:49.000 He's playing a part. 0.95

01:34:50.000 If you judged me based on the movie Zookeeper, you'd think I was a total douchebag who can dance. 1.00

01:34:54.000 He does push-ups in front of the fucking pavilions in Malibu. 1.00

01:34:57.000 He does? 1.00

01:34:58.000 Yeah, with his shirt off.

01:34:59.000 No, he doesn't.

01:35:00.000 Yeah, he does.

01:35:01.000 If I see you and you're doing push-ups in front of the pavilion in Malibu, I'm going to take your back.

01:35:05.000 That's right.

01:35:06.000 I'm going to take you back and I'm going to get the hooks in, my friend. 1.00

01:35:09.000 Or just kick him in the ribs. 1.00

01:35:10.000 He can scream all you want. 0.99

01:35:11.000 You shouldn't have been doing push-ups with your shirt off.

01:35:14.000 You're not allowed to do that.

01:35:14.000 With a knapsack on?

01:35:15.000 With a knapsack on and a bandana while tourists take pictures of you?

01:35:18.000 Is that what he was doing?

01:35:19.000 Yeah.

01:35:19.000 That annoys me.

01:35:20.000 He wanted to be really fit for this movie.

01:35:22.000 Maybe it was something he was working on.

01:35:24.000 What kind of exhibitionist...

01:35:26.000 Could he become?

01:35:27.000 Because he was playing a part in a movie, man.

01:35:29.000 Did you murder Heath Ledger?

01:35:30.000 Think about that.

01:35:31.000 Look, think about what's-his-name does when he does Daniel Day-Lewis, when he gets immersed in a role.

01:35:36.000 Yeah, he's amazing.

01:35:37.000 I mean, he's unbelievably immersive. 0.96

01:35:38.000 Maybe that's what Matthew McConaughey was doing, was just being a douchebag. 0.92

01:35:40.000 Don't agree. 0.98

01:35:41.000 He's playing a douchebag in a movie, man, and that's douchebag activity. 0.97

01:35:44.000 The role isn't so much of a douchebag. 0.93

01:35:45.000 The role is more of a, just like, he's supposed to be the club owner, but you'll see what I mean.

01:35:48.000 Would it be okay if he did push-ups in a place where nobody could see?

01:35:52.000 Like say if there was like some grass in front of his car and nobody could see and he dropped down for a quick 50?

01:35:57.000 No, here's what bothers me.

01:35:58.000 Are you okay with that?

01:35:58.000 Here's what bothers me.

01:35:59.000 Yes, there I am.

01:36:00.000 But here's what bothers me.

01:36:01.000 If you work out just for the sake of vanity and then when I see what you're doing is you're just sculpting for it to be a peacock...

01:36:10.000 I understand.

01:36:11.000 I get staying in shape.

01:36:13.000 There's something about it.

01:36:14.000 If it's not for something functional, if it's not for something that you're doing, I immediately, I'm just saying, you can do it.

01:36:21.000 You're not my friend.

01:36:22.000 That's all I'm saying.

01:36:23.000 That's all I'm saying. 1.00

01:36:24.000 You're not my fucking friend. 0.99

01:36:25.000 Why is that? 0.99

01:36:26.000 What about a guy who's just doing bench presses and curls, never touches the legs, just wants to look good in a tight shirt?

01:36:31.000 But if he's doing it, you know why I like that?

01:36:33.000 Why I got no problem with that?

01:36:34.000 He's doing it so he can go out and get laid on a Saturday night. 0.99

01:36:37.000 Fucking A. God bless you. 0.99

01:36:39.000 What do you think Matthew McConaughey's doing when he's wearing leather underwear doing back pants? 1.00

01:36:42.000 He's doing it so he can fucking get the dailies and jerk off to himself. 1.00

01:36:48.000 Okay? 1.00

01:36:48.000 That's why he's fucking doing it. 1.00

01:36:50.000 And there's a difference. 1.00

01:36:51.000 When I see Matt McConaughey doing a role like that in Magic Mike, all I'm seeing is something masturbatory. 0.97

01:36:57.000 I watch Channing Tatum. 0.94

01:36:58.000 He's trying to do something. 0.99

01:36:59.000 He's actually playing a character who's fucking conflicted about being a 30-year-old stripper, and it's fucking great. 0.99

01:37:04.000 McConaughey, it's a masturbatory performance. 0.99

01:37:07.000 He's watching himself. 0.99

01:37:09.000 He's not trying to do anything.

01:37:11.000 He's not trying to express anything.

01:37:12.000 Well, how do you know?

01:37:13.000 That's what he's trying to play.

01:37:15.000 I mean, the guy is showing a pretty broad range of acting.

01:37:17.000 I don't agree.

01:37:19.000 I don't agree!

01:37:20.000 You fuck! 1.00

01:37:20.000 Go marry him! 1.00

01:37:21.000 I don't want to marry him, but he was really good in contact.

01:37:24.000 What the hell is going on here?

01:37:25.000 He was alright.

01:37:26.000 He was good in contact.

01:37:27.000 I enjoyed him.

01:37:28.000 I thought he was sensitive.

01:37:29.000 He's not without talent.

01:37:30.000 I thought he really seemed like the type of guy that would fall in love with Jodie Foster.

01:37:33.000 That was a long time ago.

01:37:34.000 Listen.

01:37:35.000 I can't believe he just brought that in.

01:37:36.000 He was great.

01:37:37.000 It's amazing that even after all those years, he still has such a great body.

01:37:39.000 He looks phenomenal.

01:37:41.000 He looks phenomenal.

01:37:42.000 I mean, he's got his hair, his skin is really youthful.

01:37:45.000 Hair's probably fake.

01:37:46.000 They just probably glue some hair out. 0.99

01:37:47.000 Maybe there's a lot that's fake.

01:37:48.000 What are you doing?

01:37:49.000 Magic Mike?

01:37:50.000 Here's Magic Mike.

01:37:50.000 But this isn't McConaughey.

01:37:54.000 No.

01:37:54.000 Watch him.

01:37:55.000 Good.

01:37:55.000 Because I do.

01:38:00.000 There's your boy.

01:38:02.000 There's your boo-boo.

01:38:03.000 He's awesome.

01:38:05.000 The businesses that I manage, they deal exclusively in cash.

01:38:09.000 He's got a great sense of humor, too.

01:38:12.000 There he is. 1.00

01:38:13.000 That's son of a bitch. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Mike has fans. 1.00

01:38:18.000 Watch him dance, though.

01:38:21.000 That's him doing it, too.

01:38:23.000 You are that dreamboat guy that never came along.

01:38:30.000 That's a cool table.

01:38:31.000 Are you a major?

01:38:31.000 You should sell these things.

01:38:33.000 That's actually the idea.

01:38:37.000 How do you know my brother?

01:38:41.000 I'm an entrepreneur.

01:38:42.000 I manage a few businesses.

01:38:43.000 Try to hit on my sister. 0.99

01:38:45.000 Okay, good talk. 0.96

01:38:47.000 Entrepreneur stripper or stripper entrepreneur? 0.99

01:38:49.000 Either one.

01:38:50.000 I was hoping this was all a joke.

01:38:53.000 It's pretty funny.

01:38:58.000 I'm just trying to figure out why stripping.

01:39:00.000 Women, money, and a good time. 0.98

01:39:02.000 Just try not to forget about the people who exist in the daylight.

01:39:05.000 The non-vampire.

01:39:06.000 Are we fighting?

01:39:08.000 Is this our first fight?

01:39:12.000 Wait a minute.

01:39:13.000 Is he a stripper with a heart of gold?

01:39:14.000 He sure is.

01:39:15.000 I think that's what's going on here.

01:39:17.000 Man, dude, is that Channing Tatum?

01:39:20.000 Oh, it's Joe Rogan.

01:39:20.000 That was so weird.

01:39:21.000 I just can't be around your lifestyle.

01:39:23.000 Am I Magic Mike right now talking to you?

01:39:27.000 This might be Roadhouse, Joe.

01:39:29.000 This is the new Roadhouse.

01:39:31.000 It's actually an okay movie, man.

01:39:33.000 Brian, you just turned gayer than this whole movie. 0.97

01:39:35.000 You just went gayer than gay marriage. 1.00

01:39:37.000 There's Matt!

01:39:37.000 There he is.

01:39:39.000 Oh my god, he does that Kiss Me song?

01:39:41.000 Really?

01:39:44.000 That's it?

01:39:45.000 I want to see more.

01:39:47.000 You don't want to know what I have to do for 20s.

01:39:50.000 Oh, I get it. 1.00

01:39:51.000 You suck a cock. 1.00

01:39:52.000 You know, that's what really goes on with those guys. 1.00

01:39:54.000 Look at the body of this kid. 1.00

01:39:55.000 Damn, what a handsome bastard. 1.00

01:39:56.000 I know. 1.00

01:39:57.000 He's about 6'1", too.

01:39:58.000 Look at the back on him.

01:39:59.000 Strapping beast of a man.

01:40:01.000 Yeah.

01:40:01.000 Played college football, I think.

01:40:03.000 Strapping fucking athlete. 1.00

01:40:05.000 Who the fuck would... 1.00

01:40:05.000 Why did you watch that? 1.00

01:40:06.000 I don't know what happened to you.

01:40:08.000 You dropped on your head when you went hunting.

01:40:10.000 Did you slip?

01:40:10.000 Mrs. Callen wanted to watch it.

01:40:11.000 Oh, Mrs. Callen wanted to watch it. 0.98

01:40:13.000 I was like, alright.

01:40:14.000 He's Wow.

01:40:15.000 I might have to get high and watch it, but I'll probably get really scared.

01:40:18.000 I'll probably have to get my blankie.

01:40:20.000 You get a little jealous. 1.00

01:40:21.000 You better be inside of a pussy when you watch it. 1.00

01:40:24.000 Really? 1.00

01:40:24.000 I can't do that. 1.00

01:40:25.000 I don't have that kind of stamina anymore.

01:40:26.000 Neither do I. Or desire.

01:40:27.000 Or chaos.

01:40:28.000 I was about to say.

01:40:28.000 Or will.

01:40:29.000 That's why you need these jokes.

01:40:30.000 I got tricked early on in life, but I figured it out now.

01:40:34.000 I'm fine just beating off and then going about my business.

01:40:37.000 Oh my.

01:40:38.000 Dude, you gotta take one of these pills.

01:40:39.000 Yeah, what is this stuff you took?

01:40:40.000 It's Hot Rod 5000. Throw that shit over here. 1.00

01:40:43.000 And I took one last night when I got home. 1.00

01:40:46.000 What's in it?

01:40:47.000 I can't read this.

01:40:47.000 It's too small.

01:40:48.000 It's something extracted from ants, so I guess...

01:40:51.000 What?

01:40:51.000 Well, I don't know why.

01:40:53.000 Something in ants make your...

01:40:54.000 You have hard-ons, and maybe you just don't know that ants have rock-hard boners the whole time.

01:40:59.000 Look at this label.

01:41:00.000 Look at what it is. 0.99

01:41:01.000 I guarantee you, this is probably some fucking prescription drugs that they just repackaged. 1.00

01:41:07.000 It's marketed towards the gay community, I heard. 1.00

01:41:09.000 I bet you could get Viagra.

01:41:10.000 I'm not saying it is.

01:41:11.000 But what if it was?

01:41:12.000 Is it possible that you could get Viagra, like bulk Viagra?

01:41:16.000 Because they have generic, whatever it's called. 0.97

01:41:20.000 Modafinil or whatever the fuck, the actual chemical.

01:41:22.000 I think it's interesting that the label is so tiny that you can't even read it. 0.99

01:41:25.000 You can't read what the fuck's in there. 0.98

01:41:27.000 So you think there's some kind of prescription thing in there? 0.99

01:41:29.000 I just wouldn't trust it.

01:41:31.000 They definitely found that with athletic supplements.

01:41:34.000 They definitely found that. 0.99

01:41:36.000 There's been a lot of athletic tainting where you take some shit and it actually has steroids in it. 0.95

01:41:40.000 There was some stuff that they used to sell that's illegal now. 0.99

01:41:44.000 That Andro shit? 0.99

01:41:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:45.000 Well, there was a thing called Mag-10 that I took, and holy shit, it was unbelievably strong. 1.00

01:41:51.000 And you could get it at GNC. I was fucking so strong when I was taking that stuff. 0.99

01:41:54.000 It was amazing. 0.98

01:41:55.000 Just buy it.

01:41:56.000 Was it Decanable or something? 0.99

01:41:57.000 I don't know what the fuck it was. 0.98

01:41:58.000 But it was, essentially, it was an oral steroid. 0.99

01:42:01.000 I mean, it had an effect of a steroid.

01:42:04.000 And you can get it at GNC for a little while.

01:42:06.000 They used to have GHB at GNC. I know.

01:42:08.000 I remember seeing that shit. 1.00

01:42:10.000 It was in a refrigerator. 1.00

01:42:12.000 That's hilarious.

01:42:13.000 But it was the biggest, I mean, it just wouldn't go away. 0.99

01:42:16.000 Like, I would masturbate, and then just be another boner, and I'd have to masturbate again. 0.99

01:42:20.000 That's amazing. 0.99

01:42:21.000 It was just crazy.

01:42:22.000 That sounds like it's just as good as Viagra.

01:42:24.000 Yeah, it was really good.

01:42:25.000 Were you watching Magic Mind?

01:42:26.000 No.

01:42:29.000 It was just a coincidence.

01:42:31.000 It was odd that I had a boner.

01:42:33.000 Well, I mean, the only thing that they could be doing is maybe it has some nitric oxide effect.

01:42:39.000 I mean, that's the idea behind, like, those...

01:42:41.000 It opens up your...

01:42:42.000 The NO2 pills?

01:42:44.000 Your capillaries?

01:42:44.000 Yeah, Brody said that gave him crazy boners.

01:42:46.000 Yeah, that gives you boners. 0.98

01:42:47.000 Yeah, that has a very Viagra-like effect.

01:42:49.000 What's that?

01:42:50.000 Those nitric oxide drinks. 1.00

01:42:53.000 You know those drinks like NO2 explode and shit? 0.99

01:42:55.000 Which might be illegal now. 0.99

01:42:57.000 Explode?

01:42:59.000 Frothy Explosions?

01:43:00.000 Yeah, maybe that's what I'm talking about.

01:43:01.000 Frothy Loads.

01:43:03.000 There was some other stuff called Jack 3D. One of those is off the market now.

01:43:06.000 One of them they yanked.

01:43:07.000 Yeah.

01:43:08.000 I think it was Jack 3D. Jack sounds like it should be yanked.

01:43:11.000 Dude, I used to take that stuff before I lifted and I'd just fucking start sweating immediately. 0.98

01:43:16.000 Your heart's pounding, sweating, like... 0.82

01:43:18.000 I'm waiting for them to... 0.99

01:43:19.000 I want them to block the myostatin in my fucking muscles. 0.99

01:43:22.000 No, you don't want to do that, man. 1.00

01:43:23.000 You look like that artificial you that they used for your ad for your comedy special.

01:43:29.000 You holding the mic up in the air.

01:43:30.000 I had to blow my arms in my...

01:43:31.000 They look like Dean Lister's arms. 1.00

01:43:32.000 I want them to be bigger, because it looked like it would have been just more stupid. 0.99

01:43:36.000 Because they're like, we can't... 0.99

01:43:37.000 Look, it doesn't make any sense.

01:43:38.000 Look at your head.

01:43:39.000 Exactly.

01:43:39.000 You don't have the framework for this.

01:43:41.000 I have a narrow head.

01:43:42.000 It's weird when you see people that have big parts of their bodies and then everything else is normal.

01:43:47.000 Well, Brendan Schaub's a little bit like that.

01:43:49.000 Brendan's got a small...

01:43:50.000 He's got a head that fits on me, but he's 6'5", 250. And I was looking at his head and I go, dude, you have a fucking... 1.00

01:43:57.000 His hands and his head are not very big. 1.00

01:43:59.000 What did he say?

01:44:00.000 Did he say that so?

01:44:00.000 Yeah.

01:44:01.000 He was like, yeah, I know. 1.00

01:44:02.000 I got a small fucking head and I got a small... 1.00

01:44:04.000 I got a small head. 1.00

01:44:04.000 I was like... 1.00

01:44:05.000 Because the rest of his body is retarded. 1.00

01:44:07.000 He's so fucking strong. 0.99

01:44:09.000 Yeah, it's weird when people get like, is the worst the biggest head when you have a big head and a little body? 0.99

01:44:14.000 Is that the worst?

01:44:15.000 Well, a lot of stars have that.

01:44:17.000 A big head and a little body? 1.00

01:44:18.000 Yeah, like Mick Jagger and shit. 1.00

01:44:19.000 He's got a big head and a little body. 1.00

01:44:20.000 He's got a huge head.

01:44:21.000 He's got a giant head.

01:44:23.000 He's 130 pounds.

01:44:24.000 Well, your head keeps growing.

01:44:25.000 Your nose keeps growing.

01:44:26.000 Your ears keep growing.

01:44:27.000 That's the weirdest thing when you see old people and they have gigantic ears. 1.00

01:44:30.000 I know.

01:44:30.000 You're like, whoa, what is going on with your ears, man?

01:44:33.000 It keeps fucking growing. 1.00

01:44:34.000 A large nose, though, for some reason is not as disturbing. 1.00

01:44:38.000 Because some people, from the get-go, they have a large nose.

01:44:40.000 It's just a nose.

01:44:41.000 It's a masculine trait, too.

01:44:42.000 The ears, though, it's like, what is happening to your ears?

01:44:45.000 Can you stop those with ear guards? 1.00

01:44:48.000 Because that shit is worse than... 1.00

01:44:49.000 Can you bind your ears, sir? 1.00

01:44:50.000 What if you're an old dude with cauliflower ear? 1.00

01:44:52.000 I mean, you look like a fucking elephant. 1.00

01:44:54.000 Well, fucking Gene LaBelle. 1.00

01:44:55.000 You ever seen Gene LaBelle? 1.00

01:44:56.000 Gene LaBelle's ears are so big that the sun never hits his face. 1.00

01:44:58.000 I was like, what the fuck is with those ears? 1.00

01:45:00.000 He's got a giant head. 1.00

01:45:02.000 He's 80. He's 80. Yeah, he's an older gentleman.

01:45:04.000 I wouldn't want him getting me in a fucking double wrist lock. 1.00

01:45:07.000 At 80, he'll break your fucking wrist. 1.00

01:45:10.000 There was a story about some kids breaking into a car in this neighborhood just fucking 10 years ago or whatever, when he's 70 years old. 1.00

01:45:16.000 And he went out to stop them and they gave him a hard time. 0.96

01:45:19.000 He put one of them to sleep, the other one he flips on his head.

01:45:23.000 He's no joke, dude.

01:45:25.000 No. 1.00

01:45:26.000 There's a certain old man you can't fuck with, man. 1.00

01:45:28.000 You couldn't fuck with him when he was young. 1.00

01:45:30.000 He was a stunt guy on Death Valley, the TV show I did. 0.99

01:45:33.000 And I'm in the makeup chair, and I'm pontificating about fighting.

01:45:37.000 In the makeup chair?

01:45:39.000 The blue belt in jiu-jitsu, I'm talking about, well, the guy's going to beat him in this UFC fight, and I'm going on and on. 0.99

01:45:45.000 I'm basically Joe Rogan Light in the fucking trailer, but I don't know as much, and I'm being a fucking... 0.91

01:45:51.000 If you'd heard me talk, you'd have been like, was this guy fighting the octagon? 0.98

01:45:54.000 A little knowledge goes a long way. 0.99

01:45:55.000 Fucking Gene LaBelle starts piping in, but he's got zombie makeup on. 0.98

01:45:59.000 And I go, ah, you seem to know fighting a little bit. 0.99

01:46:01.000 And the other stuntman goes, it's Gene LaBelle, bro. 0.97

01:46:04.000 And I go, holy shit, Mr. LaBelle, I'm so sorry. 0.97

01:46:07.000 I've been talking about fighting this whole time. 0.99

01:46:08.000 And I was glued to his side for three days.

01:46:11.000 Like a little puppy.

01:46:12.000 Like a puppy dog.

01:46:13.000 Asked him questions and everything.

01:46:14.000 He's a sweetheart of a guy, too.

01:46:16.000 Yeah.

01:46:16.000 He judges, does a lot of judging.

01:46:18.000 Oh, does he?

01:46:18.000 You see him at MMA events, and he's always with Ronda Rousey.

01:46:25.000 She's a bad, badass chick. 1.00

01:46:27.000 Does she work out with him or something?

01:46:28.000 Well, I'm sure this year he's done some working out with her.

01:46:32.000 He's worked with a lot of those Armenian dudes, the go-karts guys. 1.00

01:46:38.000 What a group of fucking animals. 1.00

01:46:39.000 Are they? 1.00

01:46:40.000 Oh yeah, Karo, Manny Gamburian. 1.00

01:46:42.000 You told me you're one of the strongest shit, right? 1.00

01:46:44.000 Karo. 1.00

01:46:44.000 Karo's ridiculously strong. 1.00

01:46:46.000 Karo Parisian?

01:46:46.000 This was back when I think I was a blue belt or a purple belt.

01:46:49.000 He just ragdolled me. 0.99

01:46:50.000 Really?

01:46:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:46:51.000 He throwed me around.

01:46:52.000 He throwed me around. 1.00

01:46:53.000 He's strong as shit. 1.00

01:46:54.000 Well, you know, Karo beat Sokuju in a fucking judo match when he was a kid. 1.00

01:46:59.000 Sokuju is so much bigger than Karo. 0.98

01:47:01.000 And they had an open weight judo match and Karo beat him.

01:47:04.000 Some people are weird strong that way.

01:47:05.000 Kyle was just super talented at judo, too.

01:47:07.000 He had a real bad injury, though.

01:47:08.000 When he was training for the Matt Hughes fight, you know, Kyle had a bunch of, he's another dude that had a bunch of prescription pill problems.

01:47:15.000 And what happened was he tore his leg when he was training for a title shot back when Matt Hughes was champion.

01:47:22.000 And he tore it bad.

01:47:23.000 He flexes it.

01:47:24.000 When he flexes it now, it looks like a shark took a bite out of his leg.

01:47:27.000 And I'm not exaggerating.

01:47:28.000 His hamstring just disappeared, exploded, and he never got it surgically repaired.

01:47:32.000 So he's got this big concave area in his leg, and it took most of the power out of his leg.

01:47:38.000 And he got him on pain pills.

01:47:41.000 He didn't have health insurance or something?

01:47:44.000 Well, I mean, I don't know what it was.

01:47:46.000 I'm sure he didn't have health insurance.

01:47:49.000 Or maybe he tried to rehab it.

01:47:51.000 I'm pretty sure he didn't have insurance.

01:47:53.000 So now I don't know if there's anything they can do about it.

01:47:55.000 I think once the muscle slides back and rolls up, I think it's really hard to reattach it.

01:48:01.000 I think they have to do it right after the injury.

01:48:03.000 I know that's the case with biceps.

01:48:05.000 A lot of dudes, they blow their bicep out, and then they have no bicep. 0.87

01:48:09.000 Have you seen that before?

01:48:10.000 Yes.

01:48:10.000 A lot of fighters have that, where it curls up, and the top of their bicep is like a little knot, and then below it, there's nothing left.

01:48:17.000 So weird.

01:48:17.000 Yeah, and that's what it's like with his legs.

01:48:19.000 So it kind of fucked his career up. 0.95

01:48:21.000 You know, when you're making your living off your body...

01:48:24.000 Well, the other thing about training, you know, as you get older, and a lot of guys who have been training a long time, you want to go in and blow yourself to bits in the gym.

01:48:33.000 Actually, what happens is, by the time you're 40, a lot of times, You're having major problems with your hips or your knees and stuff like that.

01:48:41.000 So a huge part of exercise is knowing when to stop and doing just enough. 0.95

01:48:45.000 If you look at people's bodies, like athletes and stuff, you realize no matter how strong they are, we are fucking fragile, man. 0.85

01:48:51.000 Bone and cartilage doesn't really do well under duress.

01:48:54.000 Yeah, well, there's just certain parts of your body that break.

01:48:57.000 You know, there's nothing you can do about it.

01:48:59.000 Knees, hips. 0.99

01:48:59.000 Hips, ankles, you know, certain shit that just breaks down, man. 0.99

01:49:03.000 I see a lot of people with hip surgery, man. 1.00

01:49:05.000 That's scary fucking shit. 1.00

01:49:06.000 Dude, hip surgery sucks because when you get a fake hip, it's good for 10 years. 1.00

01:49:10.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 0.99

01:49:12.000 And you're not doing sports anymore. 0.96

01:49:13.000 And, by the way...

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:34.000 Well, there are a number of people who have rebuilt literally the tracheas and bladders.

01:49:43.000 They take the cartilage from a cadaver.

01:49:46.000 Our new sponsor, Cricket.

01:49:49.000 What is that?

01:49:50.000 It's a cricket.

01:49:51.000 It's a real cricket?

01:49:51.000 Yeah.

01:49:52.000 That's funny.

01:49:53.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:49:53.000 Yeah.

01:49:54.000 You want me to try to find it?

01:49:55.000 I'll try to find it.

01:49:55.000 Yeah, try to find it.

01:49:56.000 You probably won't find it.

01:49:57.000 Brian will tell you.

01:49:58.000 Well, I was in the Mugabe Desert.

01:50:00.000 Well, I was going to say.

01:50:01.000 As soon as you get up, you stop twitching.

01:50:02.000 Try some raw hamburger.

01:50:03.000 Let it go rank.

01:50:06.000 But, uh, what was I talking about?

01:50:07.000 Something really important.

01:50:10.000 What were you talking about? 0.95

01:50:12.000 Now you're looking for it and it's shut up. 0.99

01:50:13.000 That cunty cricket. 0.99

01:50:14.000 That cunty cricket.

01:50:17.000 Injuries, the body, recovering from sports.

01:50:20.000 Yeah, they took a trachea.

01:50:21.000 This woman, her trachea had to be removed because of tuberculosis. 0.98

01:50:24.000 And then they took a trachea from a cadaver and they sprayed it with her stem cells. 0.75

01:50:28.000 And she grew a trachea and now she has it in her body. 0.97

01:50:32.000 What happens is I believe that the cartilage then is taken over by the stem cells and they grow their own cartilage.

01:50:37.000 So she grew her own trachea.

01:50:39.000 That's incredible.

01:50:40.000 And they did the same thing with bladders. 1.00

01:50:42.000 Well, you know when you grow, when you have an ACL surgery and you use a cadaver ACL graft, it basically just acts as a scaffolding.

01:50:49.000 Right.

01:50:50.000 And then your body develops.

01:50:51.000 For your cells to build over it?

01:50:52.000 Yeah, a real ACL over it.

01:50:54.000 Huh.

01:50:55.000 So as you do your rehab and your exercises, your body is assimilating that tissue and taking it over with its own.

01:51:02.000 Right.

01:51:03.000 So in the beginning, it's just like, it's not really scaffolding. 0.99

01:51:05.000 I just want them to grow new limbs and stuff, new fucking legs for people who lose their fucking limbs. 0.99

01:51:09.000 Well, people think that it was replaced. 0.99

01:51:11.000 They think, well, now I got this new ligament.

01:51:13.000 It's in place, and I just got to strengthen it.

01:51:16.000 Like, no, no, no, no, no.

01:51:17.000 It's got to grow there.

01:51:19.000 Well, that's what George St. Pierre was talking about is ACL. You feel 100%, but the capillaries and stuff… He didn't do it that way.

01:51:24.000 He did a different thing.

01:51:25.000 He did a different thing.

01:51:27.000 He did what's called a patella tendon graft, and that I did on my left leg.

01:51:31.000 And what that is, you know that tendon in the front of your knee?

01:51:34.000 Yeah.

01:51:35.000 And this is one of the arguments for doing this.

01:51:36.000 The tendon in front of your knee is really big.

01:51:38.000 It's really fat.

01:51:39.000 You don't need all of it.

01:51:40.000 So they take like a third of it, and they have a piece of bone from your shin where it attaches, and a piece of bone from your kneecap where it attaches there.

01:51:47.000 And then they open you up like a fish, and then they screw it into the bottom of your leg.

01:51:52.000 Yeah.

01:51:53.000 And they screw it into the top.

01:51:56.000 What do they screw in?

01:51:57.000 Screw the bone into your... 0.93

01:52:00.000 They drill a hole in your leg and then they screw the bone into place.

01:52:04.000 I have screws in the bottom of my knee and in the top of my knee on the left side that show up in x-rays.

01:52:10.000 That's amazing.

01:52:10.000 Yeah, and then it's just a matter of getting circulation to that tissue and letting that tissue heal up and regenerate.

01:52:17.000 That's what he was talking about.

01:52:17.000 He said he had to wait until the circulation of the capillaries kind of formed.

01:52:20.000 Yes, it's a long process.

01:52:22.000 And you also have to make sure that during that process you don't re-injure yourself because you still essentially have no ACL on that side.

01:52:28.000 It's this wobbly piece of flesh.

01:52:30.000 When was the last time he fought?

01:52:32.000 George, it's been a while.

01:52:33.000 He injured his leg at least nine months ago.

01:52:36.000 And, you know, he's ready for November.

01:52:39.000 When is Nick eligible to come back?

01:52:42.000 Because I know weed is a performance-enhancing drug.

01:52:45.000 I know it's an improvement.

01:52:46.000 He didn't even test positive for weed, man.

01:52:48.000 He tested positive.

01:52:49.000 Man.

01:52:49.000 He didn't listen, man.

01:52:52.000 This fucking popo is on his ass. 1.00

01:52:56.000 He tested positive for a marijuana metabolite, which is non-psychoactive. 1.00

01:53:02.000 So what he had in his system, like say if he only took this marijuana metabolite, like took it in a pill form, it wouldn't do anything.

01:53:09.000 It literally is non-psychoactive.

01:53:11.000 You can't get high from it. 0.95

01:53:12.000 So the idea of marijuana as a performing, it's an enhancing drug with this non-psychoactive trace element inside your body is just silly.

01:53:20.000 Because he wasn't even...

01:53:20.000 It's one thing if he tested that he was high when he was fighting.

01:53:25.000 Okay, and by the way, that has happened.

01:53:27.000 When he fought Gomi, they did a test. 0.86

01:53:29.000 I don't know if he was actually high when he fought Gomi, but he probably got high the day before.

01:53:34.000 Amazing. 0.97

01:53:35.000 Fucking great. 0.98

01:53:36.000 That was a great fight, too. 0.99

01:53:38.000 He caught Gomi in that gogoblata. 1.00

01:53:39.000 Oh, that was so sweet.

01:53:41.000 You know, he's so calm, under fire, man. 1.00

01:53:44.000 He sets that shit up and slapped it on Gomi. 1.00

01:53:47.000 That was a big, big victory to him. 1.00

01:53:49.000 He can tap into some anger, but that controlled anger, like, somehow?

01:53:52.000 That frown?

01:53:53.000 The thing is about his pace.

01:53:54.000 Nick Diaz has this crazy pace that he can keep going.

01:53:57.000 So other dudes, as you're in this wild dogfight with him, they wear out.

01:54:01.000 And he just keeps going. 0.98

01:54:02.000 Well, that's kind of why I'd like to see Cain Velasquez fight fucking Jon Jones. 0.96

01:54:07.000 Well, Cain's going to fight Junior Dos Santos. 0.95

01:54:09.000 That's the next fight.

01:54:10.000 He got stopped the first time.

01:54:11.000 Yes, he did.

01:54:12.000 They're fighting in July.

01:54:14.000 Is that because Junior Dos Anz is a better boxer?

01:54:16.000 Well, I don't know.

01:54:19.000 I mean, Junior caught him.

01:54:20.000 I mean, it's just what it is.

01:54:21.000 I mean, they said that Junior had a knee injury.

01:54:22.000 Kane definitely had a knee injury.

01:54:24.000 They fought on Fox, and Kane stood up with him a little bit too long, and Junior just winged a bomb at him and caught him right in the temple and dropped him.

01:54:31.000 Well, the problem is when you're not wearing gloves, and those guys, when you guys hit that hard, I don't care what your head looks like.

01:54:36.000 You're going out. 0.99

01:54:37.000 Yeah, well, Junior punches fucking hard. 1.00

01:54:40.000 He punches hard. 0.99

01:54:41.000 And he swung that one.

01:54:42.000 They're fighting again January, the January 1st weekend.

01:54:47.000 I think it's December 29th, the big event in Vegas. 0.98

01:54:50.000 It should be fucking crazy. 0.91

01:54:51.000 And that's the rematch. 0.96

01:54:53.000 Because everybody thought before that fight that Junior Dos Santos was going to be, you know...

01:54:57.000 A top fighter, you know, they definitely thought, you know, that he had a chance of winning that fight.

01:55:02.000 But Kane was the favorite.

01:55:03.000 You know, Kane was the guy that everybody felt like. 0.94

01:55:05.000 After he destroyed Brock Lesnar, everybody was like, goddamn, Kane Velasquez might be the best ever. 0.99

01:55:09.000 What a fucking heavyweight. 1.00

01:55:10.000 What a destroyer. 1.00

01:55:11.000 But Junior just changed the whole course of the heavyweight title picture with one punch.

01:55:16.000 You know, and now...

01:55:18.000 Everybody's scared of Junior.

01:55:19.000 He's so hard to take down.

01:55:20.000 He's so hard to take down.

01:55:21.000 His hands are so good.

01:55:22.000 Didn't he?

01:55:23.000 He took care of Shane Carwin as well, right? 0.99

01:55:26.000 He beat the fuck out of Shane Carwin, man.

01:55:28.000 Shane Carwin took that fight, too, coming off of injuries. 0.96

01:55:31.000 Shane has had a succession of injuries.

01:55:33.000 He's also a full-time electrical engineer.

01:55:36.000 Super nice guy, too.

01:55:37.000 Smart, great guy.

01:55:38.000 Super cool, smart, great guy.

01:55:41.000 He's an ox strong. 1.00

01:55:42.000 Stupid strong. 1.00

01:55:44.000 He picked me up in a bear hug and started squeezing me. 1.00

01:55:46.000 And I was like, because I always fuck with him. 1.00

01:55:49.000 I'm grabbing him. 1.00

01:55:50.000 I'm going, I'll fucking arm drag you and pepper your ribs or whatever. 1.00

01:55:53.000 He's such a giant. 1.00

01:55:54.000 We tried to arm wrestle.

01:55:55.000 He picks me up.

01:55:56.000 He starts squeezing me.

01:55:57.000 And I start immediately tapping.

01:55:59.000 And he goes, that's 40%, bro.

01:56:02.000 And I look at Nate Markhorst right there.

01:56:04.000 And I go, could he do that to you?

01:56:06.000 And Nate goes, if I let him, yes, he could.

01:56:08.000 Yeah, he's a spooky dude.

01:56:09.000 He's got some serious strength.

01:56:11.000 He had a long, you know, series of injuries that he got from football.

01:56:15.000 Quite a few.

01:56:16.000 And he's had some surgeries to sort of clear up some of the issues. 0.68

01:56:19.000 But when that stuff starts fucking with you, man, you know, especially back and nerve issues, he's had a lot of that. 0.83

01:56:24.000 That is very hard to recover from. 0.99

01:56:26.000 Yeah.

01:56:27.000 Well, I think he's probably smart to keep that full-time job, you know?

01:56:30.000 I mean, he likes working, too.

01:56:31.000 He says it separates...

01:56:32.000 Loves his family, likes working.

01:56:34.000 He says the work sort of separates him from the gym time and lets him completely relax and get into his work.

01:56:40.000 It allows him not to dwell on it like some fighters just have the whole day to themselves.

01:56:45.000 He's got such a good sense of humor.

01:56:47.000 I did a little guest spot on...

01:56:49.000 The Ultimate Fighter.

01:56:50.000 And I came in. 1.00

01:56:51.000 And at one point, when I first met him, I go, fuck. 1.00

01:56:53.000 I go, I don't know what I'd do. 1.00

01:56:55.000 Like, what would I do with you if you were my roommate in prison?

01:56:58.000 Like, what would I do against you? 1.00

01:57:00.000 And he goes, you'd suck my cock. 1.00

01:57:02.000 You know those eyes? 1.00

01:57:03.000 He just did nothing blinking.

01:57:05.000 He just looked at me. 1.00

01:57:05.000 You'd suck my cock. 1.00

01:57:07.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, I guess I would. 1.00

01:57:09.000 Maybe you'd just try to talk him out of it.

01:57:10.000 I'd have to figure out a way to make a 6'1", 285-pound fighter my type.

01:57:14.000 Just talk him out of it. 1.00

01:57:15.000 Just tell him how bad you are at sucking cock, how bad your breath smells. 1.00

01:57:19.000 Exactly, look. 1.00

01:57:20.000 Yeah, what if you just, okay, and just took a poo in your hand and rubbed it all over your mouth. 0.68

01:57:25.000 You still want some of this? 0.89

01:57:25.000 That's what I would do. 0.89

01:57:26.000 Bitch, you want me to suck your shitty dick? 1.00

01:57:28.000 Would you rather eat your own poo or suck Shane Carlin's dick? 1.00

01:57:31.000 Well, you'd probably be... 1.00

01:57:32.000 He's a celebrity. 1.00

01:57:33.000 You'd probably be healthier to suck his dick. 1.00

01:57:35.000 Think of, like, eating poo is really dangerous for your health. 1.00

01:57:37.000 You get hepatitis from one and just, you know, a shitty self-esteem from the other. 1.00

01:57:40.000 Yo, Brian, we're gonna have to hire someone to kill that fucking cricket. 1.00

01:57:43.000 I'll just bring my cat over here. 1.00

01:57:44.000 Your cat's not good enough with that cricket. 0.86

01:57:46.000 That cricket's a gangster.

01:57:47.000 He's a Pasadena cricket. 1.00

01:57:49.000 Don't make fake noises, too, you fuck. 1.00

01:57:52.000 Does it make you feel like you guys are camping again? 1.00

01:57:56.000 No, there was no bugs.

01:57:57.000 It's too cold for bugs, man.

01:57:59.000 Yeah, there was no bugs at all.

01:58:00.000 We were out in the middle of nowhere.

01:58:01.000 If we go to, I was thinking about this, if we go in August to Alaska and hunt caribou, what about grizzly bears?

01:58:09.000 Yeah, that's a possibility.

01:58:10.000 They'd encountered them this last, they went hunting with Tim Ferriss.

01:58:14.000 Who, by the way, was returning to the podcast, I believe, on the 18th.

01:58:17.000 Powerful Tim Ferriss.

01:58:18.000 I want to get him on my podcast.

01:58:20.000 He's not available.

01:58:21.000 He's doing mine, though, on the 18th. 0.99

01:58:23.000 Damn it. 0.99

01:58:23.000 Sorry. 0.99

01:58:24.000 Damn it. 0.97

01:58:24.000 Sorry. 0.97

01:58:25.000 It's always about Brian.

01:58:26.000 He's got to bring it back to himself.

01:58:26.000 Always got to bring it back to me.

01:58:27.000 He's like, I want to get him on my podcast.

01:58:28.000 I know.

01:58:30.000 Piggybacking your family. 0.97

01:58:31.000 They went in August.

01:58:32.000 They went caribou hunting.

01:58:33.000 He went with Rinella and they shot a caribou.

01:58:35.000 But apparently, yeah, they had to chase grizzly bears out of camp.

01:58:38.000 Seriously?

01:58:39.000 Yeah, because what was happening was the caribou, you find them when they run in these big herds, okay?

01:58:44.000 You go out and stalk them and you find them.

01:58:45.000 Well, there's campgrounds.

01:58:46.000 And some of the caribou had gone through the places where people were camping.

01:58:51.000 So the folks that were there before them had shot caribou in that camp.

01:58:55.000 Campground.

01:58:56.000 So in the campground, smelled like butchered flesh. 1.00

01:58:59.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:59:00.000 They had gut piles. 1.00

01:59:01.000 They had animals hanging from meat.

01:59:03.000 So when they got there, that night, the grizzly bears came.

01:59:06.000 So they had to scare them off.

01:59:08.000 They had to run at them and shoot at them. 0.99

01:59:09.000 Jesus. 0.87

01:59:10.000 Yes.

01:59:11.000 I don't like that.

01:59:12.000 I don't like that.

01:59:13.000 That was one of the first things that you and I talked about.

01:59:14.000 That's a big man-eating dog. 1.00

01:59:15.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:59:16.000 Before, we were so apprehensive about this trip. 1.00

01:59:18.000 Both Brian and I were both like, fucking, what about bears, dude? 0.98

01:59:20.000 You worried about bears? 0.99

01:59:21.000 Yes!

01:59:21.000 I called him up.

01:59:22.000 He was, I was just fucking thinking about bears. 0.96

01:59:24.000 Because as it got down to like the last couple weeks, we were like, we're really going to go camping with these crazy animals in the middle of nowhere? 0.96

01:59:30.000 I know.

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 Are you glad you did it?

01:59:33.000 Also, you're in a tent and you can't protect yourself.

01:59:36.000 You can't see it coming.

01:59:37.000 Especially since the first night was freezing rain.

01:59:39.000 The first night was 35 degrees outside and we were sleeping in this pouring rain.

01:59:43.000 Yeah, then it got down to 12 degrees.

01:59:44.000 Hey, how you doing?

01:59:45.000 On that boat. 0.97

01:59:46.000 We were fucking on a canoe for four hours. 0.98

01:59:49.000 I was literally wearing a sleeping bag. 0.99

01:59:51.000 I was fucking cold. 1.00

01:59:52.000 It was cold as shit. 0.99

01:59:53.000 But I used it as an exercise. 0.99

01:59:56.000 The rowing part, I just rowed as hard as I could.

01:59:58.000 I used it as a workout.

02:00:00.000 And then the hiking, I just thought of, you know, just control my breathing and use the hiking as an exercise.

02:00:04.000 Yeah, when I was moving, there was no problem.

02:00:05.000 There was problems when you weren't moving, you know?

02:00:07.000 I almost did a workout the day before we left.

02:00:11.000 I was sitting around the house. 0.99

02:00:12.000 I was packing up all my shit. 0.98

02:00:13.000 I was like, maybe I should just go lift to do a crazy kettlebell workout or something. 1.00

02:00:17.000 If I did that, I would have been so fucked. 0.98

02:00:19.000 I had no idea it was going to be so physically demanding. 0.99

02:00:22.000 I didn't either.

02:00:23.000 Those guys, you have to be in serious shape.

02:00:25.000 Well, you're canoeing, and then you're hiking, and you've got to pack on your back.

02:00:28.000 Packing that meat out, packing that 45 pounds of meat or whatever it was, that was not easy.

02:00:33.000 We only had to walk a mile.

02:00:34.000 He talked about an elk that they shot, where they got up for four days in a row.

02:00:38.000 They got up before it was light, and they got back when it was dark out. 0.99

02:00:44.000 And all they did was cut and pack this fucking animal. 0.99

02:00:48.000 Yeah, he said it was so bad that you were looking for an excuse to get out of it, like to hurt yourself or something, you know? 0.99

02:00:53.000 They walked nine miles both ways every day.

02:00:55.000 So they walked 18 miles and brought back meat every day. 1.00

02:01:00.000 That's a crazy shit in the world. 0.99

02:01:02.000 Over hills and craggy bluffs. 1.00

02:01:06.000 Is that a real thing?

02:01:06.000 Bluffs.

02:01:07.000 Sounds good.

02:01:07.000 Craggy bluffs.

02:01:08.000 Sounds good.

02:01:09.000 Through the Shrier.

02:01:11.000 With all sorts of animals following them as they went, looking to the left and to the right at the shining eyes.

02:01:18.000 By the way, you have to listen.

02:01:20.000 If you get a chance, we're posting it.

02:01:22.000 I don't know why I'm thinking about this.

02:01:23.000 Are you advertising one of your podcasts? 1.00

02:01:25.000 I swear to God, I'll shut your fucking mic off. 0.99

02:01:26.000 Well, because you're going like this, you're talking about, for some reason, a character, and you used to do a Mike Tyson. 0.99

02:01:32.000 Yeah.

02:01:33.000 We do a little interview.

02:01:36.000 Who's we?

02:01:36.000 We interview Mike Tyson on the 10-Minute Podcast.

02:01:38.000 You might want to check it out.

02:01:40.000 You actually interviewed him?

02:01:42.000 Yeah.

02:01:42.000 Where'd you catch him?

02:01:43.000 Don't worry about it. 1.00

02:01:44.000 Just fucking listen to it. 1.00

02:01:45.000 It's only 10 minutes. 0.99

02:01:45.000 Oh, it's Will Sasso doing a Mike Tyson impression. 0.99

02:01:47.000 I don't know who it is, but it's fucking... 0.99

02:01:48.000 Don't do that to me. 1.00

02:01:49.000 You're fucking lying to me. 1.00

02:01:50.000 I looked in your eyes. 1.00

02:01:51.000 I saw deception.

02:01:52.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

02:01:52.000 I'm not a girl, Brian.

02:01:53.000 I look away.

02:01:54.000 You can't do this to me.

02:01:55.000 I look away.

02:01:55.000 You're trying to advertise your podcast.

02:01:57.000 No.

02:01:57.000 And this is your figure.

02:01:58.000 And the way to do it is to pretend...

02:02:00.000 I would never advertise the 10 on a podcast, even though it's hilarious.

02:02:01.000 ...to pretend that you really had Mike Tyson on, but you didn't. 1.00

02:02:04.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:02:05.000 You got a fucking impressionist. 1.00

02:02:06.000 You used to do a Mike Tyson. 1.00

02:02:08.000 Can you do it?

02:02:08.000 It's not that good.

02:02:09.000 It's pretty good.

02:02:10.000 I'd have to listen to him talk.

02:02:11.000 If I listened to him talk, I could do it.

02:02:13.000 I can imitate people when I hear them talk a bunch of times, but I don't practice.

02:02:18.000 I'm not a real impressionist.

02:02:21.000 Opie and Anthony had...

02:02:22.000 What's his face that I was talking about earlier?

02:02:26.000 Kevin Pollak, who's brilliant. 1.00

02:02:28.000 His fucking impressions are ridiculous. 1.00

02:02:30.000 Have you heard it's Christopher Walken? 1.00

02:02:32.000 Yeah.

02:02:32.000 That thing just popped and no one even moved.

02:02:34.000 Yeah, I know.

02:02:34.000 I don't know what's going on.

02:02:36.000 Yeah, we might have to take this bitch apart. 1.00

02:02:37.000 We've got electrical problems. 1.00

02:02:39.000 It's the government scanning equipment interfering with our fucking microphones. 0.99

02:02:42.000 That's gotta be it. 1.00

02:02:43.000 No sons of bitches. 1.00

02:02:44.000 Write your own dick jokes. 1.00

02:02:45.000 Feds. 1.00

02:02:47.000 Gumshoe.

02:02:49.000 Strange.

02:02:49.000 Yeah.

02:02:50.000 That's funny that we think the government would listen to us when they could just download it on the internet. 1.00

02:02:54.000 That's how stupid we are. 1.00

02:02:55.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:02:55.000 They're spying on the show. 1.00

02:02:57.000 As if they can't just listen.

02:02:58.000 They're getting it a couple minutes before.

02:03:00.000 It's on Ustream.

02:03:02.000 That's what's so funny. 1.00

02:03:03.000 There's not enough fucking people. 0.99

02:03:05.000 Those guys have a computer. 1.00

02:03:06.000 This election's close.

02:03:08.000 Is it? 1.00

02:03:08.000 Are you looking at the fucking tweets and stuff? 1.00

02:03:11.000 No. 0.99

02:03:12.000 It's almost half and half, it seems like.

02:03:14.000 Wow.

02:03:14.000 Of course.

02:03:14.000 That's what makes the fucking...

02:03:16.000 That's what makes the plot sound better. 0.99

02:03:18.000 Right.

02:03:18.000 It makes it give it more drama.

02:03:20.000 Meanwhile, they're both working for the same people.

02:03:22.000 Actually, there's a lot more Romney than I thought. 0.99

02:03:24.000 Well, white people are mad. 0.98

02:03:25.000 When we were in Montana, we actually encountered a douchebag at a restaurant that was berating us about Obama as if he knew we were voting for Obama. 0.99

02:03:34.000 It wasn't just that he wanted us to vote for Romney. 0.72

02:03:37.000 He was going to intimidate us.

02:03:38.000 He was a wick there. 1.00

02:03:39.000 I was such a fucking yoker. 1.00

02:03:41.000 Yeah, it was really funny when you go... 0.99

02:03:43.000 It was a cool little diner.

02:03:45.000 It was too bad this guy ruined the experience by being the owner.

02:03:48.000 Yeah.

02:03:49.000 Because the waitress was real nice, the food was great, and we're sitting there...

02:03:53.000 Our guide put him in his place, though.

02:03:54.000 Yeah, yeah, it was interesting.

02:03:56.000 We were still dirty from the road, okay?

02:03:58.000 We hadn't shaved, we hadn't washed, we hadn't bathed in five days. 0.95

02:04:03.000 And we were driving from the river to Billings, which is about two and a half hours, and we stopped and got some food at this diner in the middle of fucking nowhere.

02:04:10.000 And this dude had like... 0.88

02:04:11.000 He just walks up and goes, you ain't voting for Obama, are you?

02:04:14.000 He killed two of my boys.

02:04:15.000 I was like, now I am.

02:04:16.000 Yeah, two of my boys.

02:04:17.000 They got two of mine, SEAL team, and he had a...

02:04:21.000 Marine hat on.

02:04:22.000 Yeah, but he had a shrine of the Marines.

02:04:23.000 He never did a day in combat.

02:04:24.000 You can see those guys. 0.93

02:04:25.000 You're like, oh, you were the guy who fucking faked an injury when all the other guys were going out. 0.96

02:04:31.000 That's what I think. 0.96

02:04:32.000 Well, who knows what he did.

02:04:33.000 That might have been a smart move, to fake an injury.

02:04:35.000 I wouldn't give him that much intelligence.

02:04:37.000 Ah, my foot!

02:04:37.000 My foot!

02:04:37.000 Yeah, I'll fucking pull a disc.

02:04:40.000 Romney's the projected winner in Georgia. 0.99

02:04:42.000 That's shocking.

02:04:43.000 Is it really?

02:04:43.000 Yeah, Hotlanta and everything.

02:04:44.000 There's a lot of white people in Georgia, dude. 0.99

02:04:46.000 Don't kill yourself. 0.99

02:04:47.000 Don't kid yourself.

02:04:48.000 Georgia's got some money, too. 0.58

02:04:51.000 I'm down there now and there are a lot of black professionals in Atlanta.

02:04:55.000 It's really interesting.

02:04:56.000 It's kind of a cool thing to see.

02:04:57.000 The hotel I'm staying at is mostly professional black people.

02:05:04.000 I think a lot of middle class, upper class black people went down to Atlanta because the economy was there and stuff for them at the time.

02:05:12.000 And it's pretty cool, man.

02:05:14.000 It looks like a town primarily.

02:05:16.000 You see a lot of black people in positions of authority.

02:05:19.000 And the movie I'm doing right now is all that.

02:05:22.000 And it's really refreshing, man.

02:05:23.000 It's kind of a cool...

02:05:24.000 I haven't seen it.

02:05:25.000 You see that more in Atlanta than anywhere.

02:05:26.000 Yeah, Atlanta is very fascinating in that way.

02:05:29.000 It's, you know, to be a young black person in this country and look for role models, it's got to be unbelievably hard.

02:05:38.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:05:38.000 You know, and to see, like, a guy like Obama get into office and have everybody so fucking mad at him and everybody, like, all these white people just, like, so furious. 0.97

02:05:48.000 Having said that, though, the people that did elect him were white people. 0.96

02:05:51.000 Sure.

02:05:51.000 I mean, I voted for him.

02:05:53.000 Yeah, like, white people read books, but the white people who don't read books, those white people hate him.

02:05:59.000 It's interesting when they listen to, like, I'm not saying that Obama's a saint, and I'm not saying that I'm a supporter, but Because I certainly was a supporter before he got into office.

02:06:07.000 But then I think I like him as a human being.

02:06:09.000 I like when I listen to him talk. 0.99

02:06:10.000 He doesn't sound like a dick. 0.99

02:06:11.000 He sounds like a thoughtful guy. 0.98

02:06:12.000 I think I like him because he strikes me as eminently sensible.

02:06:15.000 I don't think he's a socialist.

02:06:17.000 The one thing he said, they said, what is the one thing we don't know about you?

02:06:20.000 And he said, I believe the free enterprise system is the most important, something to the effect of it's the most important thing for a high standard of living.

02:06:31.000 But with checks and balances.

02:06:33.000 And so I don't think he is this far left guy.

02:06:38.000 I actually think he's very much in the middle and a very sensible guy.

02:06:41.000 And I think the more I read about his policies, I happen to agree with his foreign policy vis-a-vis Iran and other places more than I do with Romney.

02:06:48.000 I just think he's more reasonable, man.

02:06:50.000 Yeah, he's a very smart guy, but the issue is that I can't really...

02:06:54.000 I don't really see him being able to do what anybody...

02:06:58.000 I don't think there's any one person that has any real say.

02:07:02.000 Well, there never has been in our government.

02:07:04.000 You're not supposed to, but I know what you're saying.

02:07:05.000 But I'm saying it's like all the different things that he wanted to do before he got into office, closed Guantanamo Bay, when he said he would veto the NDAA, all the different things.

02:07:15.000 It's so blatantly obvious that...

02:07:17.000 The position is not what we envisioned it was when we were kids.

02:07:21.000 We thought of being the president.

02:07:22.000 This is one guy who's going to figure it all out.

02:07:24.000 Everybody get in line.

02:07:25.000 We're going to do this the right way.

02:07:26.000 And he leads us to victory. 0.99

02:07:28.000 This system is fucking complicated. 0.99

02:07:31.000 What you said is that the biggest thing is most people don't feel represented. 0.99

02:07:37.000 You feel like if you vote for Romney or you vote for Obama, it's not going to make that much of a difference because you're kind of voting for the same guy in some ways.

02:07:44.000 Yeah, the special interests have moved into the position of power that is clearly stronger and more influential than the will of the people.

02:07:51.000 A president though can have a big, big effect on who gets elected to the Supreme Court.

02:07:55.000 Yes, and socially they have an impact on...

02:07:58.000 Well, they set an agenda, right?

02:07:59.000 And I actually think that Romney and Obama's foreign policy are different enough.

02:08:05.000 I think that Romney is rattling a sword at Iran.

02:08:09.000 I don't know.

02:08:10.000 I just don't agree with...

02:08:12.000 I don't think anybody who's a governor could ever possibly know what it's like to be a president.

02:08:16.000 The same way when Obama was running for office, and he said he would do this about Afghanistan, and McCain went, whoa, whoa, whoa.

02:08:22.000 You can't say... 0.99

02:08:24.000 There's some shit when McCain and Obama were campaigning where it was clearly... 0.99

02:08:30.000 campaigning talk it was clearly like speeches but there was a moment when Obama was talking about Afghanistan and McCain went like you don't even know what you're talking about like you're describing an area that hasn't changed much since the time of Alexander the Great like this idea that you're gonna go in there and just take over the land like you're that's crazy talk like you know and McCain the way did it it was like whoa whoa whoa son was like this was a serious topic All that fucking campaigning bullshit aside, 1.00

02:08:58.000 you're talking about what I did for a living. 1.00

02:09:01.000 You're talking crazy. 1.00

02:09:02.000 You don't know what the fuck's going on over there. 1.00

02:09:04.000 I think that's what happens to presidents. 0.99

02:09:06.000 Certainly, I got that impression from Schwarzenegger.

02:09:09.000 The impression I got from him, what he's saying is that, You don't have any power.

02:09:13.000 You can set an agenda and you can veto things, but at the end of the day, you're not doing much without Congress, if anything.

02:09:20.000 And by the way, you're dealing with a lot of different vested interests.

02:09:25.000 And the congressional choices coming up this election, they might be more important even than what's going on with the presidency.

02:09:31.000 That's a good point. 0.99

02:09:32.000 Because there's so much fucking waste and so many dumb people that have gotten into elected offices. 1.00

02:09:38.000 There's so much bullshit there, and slowly but surely it gets exposed, but it's still, the key problem never gets addressed. 1.00

02:09:46.000 The key problem of special interest groups and funny money. 0.99

02:09:49.000 None of that stuff gets addressed.

02:09:50.000 So it all stays moving along in the same way.

02:09:52.000 The question also becomes this, though.

02:09:54.000 If indeed you have special interest and you're always going to have smart people that figure out a way to manipulate the machine, Then is the answer to make the machine less influential?

02:10:04.000 Meaning, do you make the machine smaller?

02:10:06.000 That may be the only way to do it.

02:10:08.000 I think that's kind of the conservative argument.

02:10:11.000 Right.

02:10:11.000 But that's the real conservative argument.

02:10:14.000 That's the real conservative argument.

02:10:14.000 Like if you're a real conservative.

02:10:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.52

02:10:16.000 But when you say the word conservative, well, I don't want queers getting married. 0.52

02:10:20.000 No, no, no.

02:10:20.000 That's the first thing that people think of.

02:10:22.000 That's not what I think.

02:10:22.000 I'm not a...

02:10:23.000 I am...

02:10:25.000 When I say I'm a conservative, I just believe... 0.99

02:10:28.000 That the state shouldn't be involved in who I just choose to marry, whether it's Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, or fucking, you know, a girl. 0.99

02:10:35.000 Sorry, I used those. 0.98

02:10:35.000 Sorry. 0.98

02:10:36.000 You know, or the fact that I can't smoke cannabis.

02:10:40.000 I'm not saying I'm going to get into a car and drive two tons of fast-moving steel if I get caught.

02:10:44.000 There are laws for that.

02:10:45.000 But let me make my own choices and my own mistakes.

02:10:49.000 You know, and then when I say conservative, I just mean, I think I'm just talking about being fiscally conservative.

02:10:54.000 I think I'm talking about not spending what we don't make.

02:10:56.000 I live that way myself.

02:10:57.000 I don't know why the government can't.

02:11:00.000 I don't know why I always have to get...

02:11:02.000 The minute I'm at a dinner party in Los Angeles and I start talking about small government or a conservative idea, I get labeled immediately as somebody who is against gay marriage, against abortion.

02:11:16.000 No! 0.99

02:11:17.000 Well, you're a racist. 0.98

02:11:18.000 Yeah, I reject a lot of the Republican platform in that sense because it's just as controlling as the other side. 0.96

02:11:24.000 What about a woman's right to choose, Brian?

02:11:26.000 I believe in it.

02:11:27.000 What if you called it Killing Babies?

02:11:29.000 This is the Killing Baby Center.

02:11:30.000 Well, that's fine, but the problem is we put a price on human life all the time.

02:11:33.000 If you want to save lives, how come you're not out petitioning to make the speed limit on the highway 30 miles an hour? 0.98

02:11:38.000 It'll fucking save lives. 0.97

02:11:39.000 You know why we don't do that? 0.95

02:11:40.000 Because it would be grossly inconvenient, and it would stall the economy and our standard of living.

02:11:46.000 So guess what?

02:11:47.000 We do put a price on human life all the time.

02:11:48.000 And I happen to believe that if a woman's harboring a life, You can biologically make the case that it is murder because it's a life. 0.97

02:11:55.000 It just happens to be on life support.

02:11:57.000 That's fine.

02:11:58.000 I still think a woman's choice to do with her body what she chooses is paramount over that.

02:12:05.000 It's not consistent with the Judeo-Christian ethic, but I don't go to church.

02:12:09.000 Yeah, but do you have a timeline where you think it's acceptable?

02:12:13.000 Very good question.

02:12:14.000 I've kind of tried to avoid this very, very complicated question.

02:12:17.000 But we do have timelines, first of all, right?

02:12:19.000 For the most part, after the third trimester, it becomes very dangerous for the woman. 0.93

02:12:23.000 48 days in is when whatever religion thought the soul entered the body.

02:12:29.000 What is that?

02:12:30.000 The Hindus? 0.98

02:12:31.000 Well, let's take a couple of ethical arguments about it.

02:12:35.000 Let's take a severely retarded human being, somebody who can't feed themselves, somebody who can't even breathe on their own. 1.00

02:12:42.000 And if you were to kill that person, if I were to go and smother that person with a pillow, even though they don't have any feeling and parts that they can't communicate, Then what would happen is I'd go to jail for murder. 0.71

02:12:53.000 You take a fetus that is not yet even developed with its hands and head, however it reacts to pain.

02:13:00.000 We know it is on its way to becoming a human being, and in a lot of aspects it's a human being, just a severely underdeveloped human being.

02:13:07.000 It's a very similar thing.

02:13:08.000 To kill that very small creature that is living, that does respond to stimuli, does respond to pain, and continues to do so in more and more of what we would consider independent human fashion, Why is that not murder?

02:13:23.000 That would be where the argument is.

02:13:24.000 It's very hard to actually get out of that argument.

02:13:27.000 It's very hard.

02:13:27.000 It's why I have a lot of respect for the notion that people say, religiously, I believe it's murder.

02:13:32.000 I have to be pro-life.

02:13:35.000 I do respect that because you can make a very strong biological argument that that human being is just as human as you are in a lot of ways.

02:13:43.000 You just have to be independent, more independent.

02:13:47.000 You're not relying on a human being to keep you alive. 0.98

02:13:50.000 Well, we're never going to figure out how to fix that until we figure out how to fix the dirty trick of fucking equals making people. 0.99

02:13:58.000 That is a dirty goddamn trick that we need to address. 1.00

02:14:01.000 Because you have this unbelievable desire to fuck, but yet fucking makes people. 1.00

02:14:07.000 And you can fuck when you're like 13. But we don't have to run from jaguars every day. 1.00

02:14:11.000 We're not getting chased down by crocodiles. 1.00

02:14:13.000 We don't need this many fucking people. 0.99

02:14:15.000 Well, not only do you not need this many people, my other argument for being pro-choice is that you're going to take care of that kid? 1.00

02:14:22.000 You're going to take care of that child who just got pregnant by a woman who has no money who doesn't want that baby? 1.00

02:14:26.000 She can't take care of it. 0.99

02:14:27.000 Are you going to?

02:14:28.000 Or are you going to have another ward of the state or somebody who doesn't get any attention or somebody who doesn't have any resources? 0.98

02:14:32.000 We've got to separate the fact that fucking makes a person. 1.00

02:14:35.000 You're getting crazy. 0.99

02:14:36.000 We've got to get to the heart of this.

02:14:38.000 You're right.

02:14:38.000 We've got to figure out a way where you make a person through a very complicated process.

02:14:43.000 What about birth control? 0.95

02:14:45.000 Well, that could fuck up your body. 0.83

02:14:46.000 You know, for women, they take pills that essentially trick their body into thinking they're pregnant all the time. 1.00

02:14:51.000 That can't be good.

02:14:52.000 Yeah, condoms also ruin everything. 1.00

02:14:54.000 Gross, gross, disgusting fucking things. 1.00

02:14:57.000 It's such a stupid thing. 1.00

02:14:58.000 Tomorrow, I'm having that Peter Duesberg guy on the podcast. 1.00

02:15:00.000 He's the guy that believes that HIV doesn't cause AIDS and that it's all people that are doing drugs.

02:15:06.000 He said this, it's really, it's like almost untenable.

02:15:10.000 I know.

02:15:10.000 The bulk of science would be like, well, Yeah, well, that's why I'm interested to see how he figures that in.

02:15:18.000 The problem is that in Africa, they're not doing drugs and they're wasting away of HIV. Yeah, I think the Africa thing, though, apparently they're not even getting tested for HIV. They have AIDS, and that could be a variety of things, including poor nutrition.

02:15:30.000 I think that's the argument there.

02:15:31.000 The actual testing...

02:15:33.000 I think this guy is ignoring a lot of the data on the ground.

02:15:36.000 We're going to find out.

02:15:37.000 I don't know.

02:15:37.000 You want to do it with me?

02:15:38.000 I'd love to do it.

02:15:39.000 When?

02:15:39.000 Really?

02:15:40.000 Tomorrow.

02:15:40.000 Tomorrow, 3 o'clock.

02:15:42.000 Here?

02:15:43.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 I'd like to come and listen to him.

02:15:46.000 2 o'clock.

02:15:47.000 2 o'clock?

02:15:47.000 Yeah, come and listen.

02:15:48.000 Please do.

02:15:49.000 Come and listen and sit in.

02:15:50.000 Dude, please.

02:15:52.000 I mean, who knows?

02:15:53.000 This is just a...

02:15:54.000 Look, I read about this guy's position a long time ago, and I thought it was fascinating.

02:15:59.000 I've read a bunch of articles.

02:16:00.000 What bothers me about a guy like this is very simple, and I'll bring it up to him.

02:16:04.000 I watched a lot of people die in New York.

02:16:07.000 I watched them with my own eyes.

02:16:08.000 Were they on medication?

02:16:09.000 Yes.

02:16:10.000 This is before they had medication.

02:16:12.000 This is when they had AZT and I watched them all die.

02:16:14.000 Yeah, that was one of the main points.

02:16:15.000 And I watched them die in a very humiliating and a very terrible way.

02:16:19.000 Do you know that AZT is a cancer medication that they stopped giving to chemo patients because it was killing them quicker than not having it?

02:16:24.000 Well, I don't know, but I do know that a lot of these people went the alternative route and everything else.

02:16:29.000 I know a couple of people that stopped doing it.

02:16:32.000 And then along came a guy, I believe, by the name of David Ho, who was a scientist, who was Man of the Year, Time Magazine's Man of the Year, who invented a little something called protease inhibitors.

02:16:41.000 Protease inhibitors make the cell wall, I guess the helper T cell, very slick.

02:16:46.000 They coat it with a Teflon so that the virus cannot latch onto that cell.

02:16:51.000 So AIDS is gooey.

02:16:52.000 It's gooey.

02:16:53.000 And so what happens is with protease inhibitors, now you have people who are HIV positive and used to be a death sentence.

02:17:01.000 I can remember it like it was yesterday.

02:17:03.000 And I watched it happen.

02:17:04.000 And now you get people who are HIV positive, I know several, who treat it like it's diabetes.

02:17:09.000 And in fact, now when you get HIV, a lot of doctors will say, hey, good news.

02:17:13.000 This could be diabetes.

02:17:14.000 We'll keep you alive for the next 30 years on protease inhibitors.

02:17:18.000 Now, here's the question.

02:17:19.000 Do these people that got HIV, do any of them engage in illicit drug use?

02:17:25.000 Some of them do.

02:17:26.000 Some of them do.

02:17:27.000 I believe what Deuceburg's point is that the only reason why the HIV wasn't fought off by their immune system was that their immune system was destroyed by the use of drugs.

02:17:38.000 Meth, amyl nitrates, a bunch of different things.

02:17:40.000 I'm going to ask him about why Juan Enriquez talks about the bulk of the science is that the reason that it never became a white European disease, why didn't white men, straight men get it, but a lot of them got it in Africa? 0.67

02:17:54.000 Why was it a heterosexual disease in Africa? 0.99

02:17:57.000 Why was it not a heterosexual disease in Africa? 1.00

02:17:59.000 The Middle East and in Europe and in America.

02:18:02.000 Why?

02:18:02.000 Well, they just isolated a gene that if you are of Northern European, Middle Eastern, even North African heritage, you have a gene that saved you from the black plagues that hit Europe and rolled through all the Fertile Crescent.

02:18:21.000 You have a gene.

02:18:22.000 I can't remember the name of the gene.

02:18:23.000 That gene makes you very resistant to the HIV virus, to contracting it through regular sex.

02:18:31.000 The only straight men, for the most part, if you look at the army statistics and stuff, who got HIV were guys who were intravenous drug users using infected needles and they were putting it directly into their bloodstream. 0.99

02:18:44.000 The gay men that survived the epidemic were men who were doing the fucking not getting fucked. 0.99

02:18:50.000 Those were the men that survived the epidemic. 1.00

02:18:52.000 Because it was a war...

02:18:53.000 Let me tell you, AIDS in the 80s and in the early 90s devastated the gay community.

02:18:58.000 Devastated it.

02:18:59.000 It was a war zone.

02:19:00.000 I watched those men walk around.

02:19:02.000 Right, but listen to what you're saying.

02:19:03.000 You're essentially supporting this guy's theory.

02:19:05.000 No, I'm not.

02:19:06.000 Because you're saying that the people that got it were all intravenous drug users.

02:19:09.000 No, I'm not saying that.

02:19:10.000 Well, what are you saying?

02:19:10.000 I'm saying that to get the...

02:19:13.000 And the people that you said fought it off were the people that were very resilient physically because they had excellent genes that they had gotten from surviving the Black Plague.

02:19:24.000 So their immune system would be very strong. 0.76

02:19:26.000 Unless you were getting it injected into your body directly through the semen, through your anus, or through... 0.99

02:19:35.000 Did you just laugh after you said anus? 0.99

02:19:37.000 Yes, I did. 0.96

02:19:37.000 Why'd you laugh? 0.96

02:19:38.000 Yes, I did.

02:19:38.000 Because I just think it's funny.

02:19:39.000 I sound like a scientist.

02:19:41.000 So why would Duisberg, who is a University of California biologist, a tenured professor, why would he not know this?

02:19:50.000 Well, I don't know if he knows it, but I'm going to bring it up to him.

02:19:53.000 And the other thing that I'm going to ask Duisberg is this.

02:19:55.000 Hey, how come the majority of scientists all over the world and all the money that goes into these protease inhibitors, why do protease inhibitors work?

02:20:04.000 They seem to work.

02:20:06.000 And why are people staying alive when I remember them dying?

02:20:09.000 Well, let's let him answer those. 0.96

02:20:12.000 We're fucking proposing questions down to the great beyond. 0.97

02:20:14.000 And he's the only guy, it seems. 0.98

02:20:15.000 Every time I meet one of these guys, they're the only guy.

02:20:16.000 Every other scientist must be, you know, I don't know.

02:20:19.000 Have you ever looked up, like, how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS? Let's Google that right now.

02:20:25.000 Let's take a guess.

02:20:26.000 Seven.

02:20:27.000 Okay.

02:20:28.000 How many scientists...

02:20:30.000 I just know that the credible, credible journalists and people who really follow this stuff, including people like Clinton and like that.

02:20:40.000 Clinton?

02:20:41.000 Yeah.

02:20:41.000 Did you say like Bill Clinton?

02:20:42.000 Bill Clinton who did a lot of work for AIDS in Africa.

02:20:44.000 A great deal of good work.

02:20:46.000 Yeah, you know why? 0.99

02:20:46.000 He wanted to go over there and fuck up a storm. 0.99

02:20:48.000 Yeah, maybe. 1.00

02:20:49.000 He wanted to be all dirty.

02:20:51.000 Maybe. 0.76

02:20:51.000 Dirty for Slick Willie. 0.76

02:20:53.000 I'm going to help you.

02:20:53.000 Well, you go to AIDS, and how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS, and it's Dewsburg on AIDS article in Spin.

02:21:00.000 That's the first fucking thing that comes up. 0.95

02:21:02.000 Yeah, well, I don't really buy into it. 1.00

02:21:05.000 HIV and AIDS. I have a feeling my room would be a lot fuller. 0.91

02:21:10.000 Carrie Mullis.

02:21:13.000 Hmm.

02:21:13.000 I think that...

02:21:15.000 Hmm.

02:21:19.000 Either way, if you get HIV, it's a very serious diagnosis.

02:21:23.000 Kerry Moss is a Nobel Prize winning scientist.

02:21:27.000 He's also an LSD user.

02:21:30.000 He created the invention of PCR tests.

02:21:34.000 He won the prize for chemistry.

02:21:37.000 There are a lot of crazy smart people out there.

02:21:40.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:21:42.000 But what he says is everyone in the field knows that there's at least some dissension over whether there's evidence that HIV is the probable cause of AIDS. Is there somewhere in the literature that there's scientific evidence presented that HIV is the probable cause of AIDS? And if there is, where is it?

02:21:58.000 Who should be attributed with the scientific evidence supporting that statement, HIV is a probable cause of AIDS? Let me tell you something.

02:22:04.000 This guy, the fact that he just said that, if that's what he indeed said.

02:22:09.000 Okay, by the way.

02:22:09.000 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

02:22:11.000 1994. Oh, okay.

02:22:13.000 Thank you.

02:22:13.000 I was like, wait a minute.

02:22:15.000 I was like, hold on. 1.00

02:22:16.000 We're going to shit all over the guy. 0.99

02:22:17.000 The guy's like, I already figured it. 1.00

02:22:18.000 But meanwhile, he's dead.

02:22:19.000 He can't even defend himself.

02:22:21.000 Does HIV really cause AIDS? If you just Google, does HIV really cause AIDS? I think that argument's been put to rest in 2012. Well, yeah, this is 1994. It seems like a lot of people had some questions about it.

02:22:34.000 Some people make their names.

02:22:35.000 That's when AIDS were in mosquitoes. 0.97

02:22:37.000 Remember?

02:22:37.000 Yeah, they thought AIDS was in mosquitoes.

02:22:39.000 Yeah, that was about the same time period as that.

02:22:40.000 Some people make their name by basically being controversial, I think.

02:22:44.000 Well, I'm curious...

02:22:45.000 I hate to be cynical, but...

02:22:46.000 I'm curious if there's anything that he's going to say that's going to rattle that opinion of yours.

02:22:53.000 Obviously, this guy has...

02:22:55.000 He's been pushing this for a long, long time.

02:22:58.000 Yeah, he's the only one, right?

02:22:59.000 I don't know if he's the only one.

02:23:00.000 We'll find out from him.

02:23:01.000 But in 1993, he had an article in Spin Magazine.

02:23:05.000 That was the first one that I read that addressed the whole AIDS thing.

02:23:08.000 That was right after my first AIDS test.

02:23:10.000 Can you get another scientist on the other side on the phone?

02:23:13.000 No, but you know what?

02:23:15.000 We'll eventually.

02:23:16.000 It was hard getting him in here in the first place.

02:23:18.000 I didn't bring him in here for a debate.

02:23:22.000 There's a tricky thing. 1.00

02:23:23.000 People say, why don't you go after people when they're on your show and they say something stupid? 0.98

02:23:26.000 First of all, because I don't want to be mean. 0.98

02:23:28.000 And second of all, I want them to express themselves to the fullest extent of their possibilities.

02:23:32.000 I don't want...

02:23:33.000 You want to suppress them.

02:23:35.000 I may disagree with someone on some things, and we may disagree and argue about stuff on the podcast, but...

02:23:41.000 In order to find out what someone really believes about something, sometimes you have to not question it so much as to sort of probe and let them keep going.

02:23:50.000 And people are like, why don't you call them out on that? 0.98

02:23:51.000 I'm like, you know that's bullshit. 0.99

02:23:53.000 I'm like, I want to hear what their logic is. 1.00

02:23:55.000 I want to hear what their thought process is.

02:23:56.000 You know, when I have such strong political, like I'll get heated if you start talking about how, you know, you start giving me left-wing solutions to like economic solutions to things.

02:24:06.000 I get all heated and bunched up.

02:24:07.000 But, If we had socialism, everybody just helped everybody.

02:24:11.000 I went hunting and just going hunting.

02:24:13.000 I had no idea that hunting would have an effect on me politically.

02:24:17.000 It was very interesting.

02:24:19.000 Sometimes I have to check myself and go, how much of this is attitude and how I've been raised to actually really stopping and looking at facts?

02:24:29.000 You have to always check yourself.

02:24:31.000 Well, what changed?

02:24:32.000 What's the hunting thing that changed?

02:24:34.000 No, I just have a newfound respect for the importance of regulation and strong laws that make it very clear that you can't...

02:24:44.000 You can't trust hunters to be libertarian about their hunting practices necessarily because you get a lot of people out there in this world.

02:24:53.000 A lot of hunters are vastly... 0.97

02:24:54.000 The majority of real hunters are very responsible, but you get a lot of jerk-offs who go out there and just want a machine gun ship.

02:25:00.000 I think that the hunters, I think the anti-hunting people, ultimately the sentiment, the idea behind what they're saying, what offends them about hunting is noble.

02:25:11.000 Because I think what they're trying to do is protect animals from ruthless people, and I think that they're of the mind that we can get along in harmony with nature.

02:25:20.000 And that they know that in their own personal experiences they've had beautiful moments.

02:25:24.000 They've seen wildlife and they didn't have to kill it.

02:25:26.000 So I think ultimately even the vegans...

02:25:29.000 You also don't want an animal to suffer.

02:25:29.000 Of course.

02:25:30.000 Like when you trap an animal and you're making a fur coat and that animal's writhing in a trap. 0.99

02:25:35.000 I wouldn't want to fucking see that. 0.98

02:25:36.000 I went to Portugal and watched a bullfight. 0.99

02:25:39.000 I've never rooted for a fucking human being to die so hard in my life. 0.99

02:25:43.000 They were like spearing this bull. 1.00

02:25:44.000 It was in pain.

02:25:45.000 They rubbed its eyes with hot peppers so it can't see. 0.99

02:25:48.000 And every time the Picadillos would stick those fucking spears in its back, the thing would jump and writhe in pain. 1.00

02:25:54.000 And I was like, I hope one of these humans fucking dies in this ring. 1.00

02:25:59.000 Then I watched these guys fucking let themselves get gored and they were the toughest motherfuckers on the planet. 1.00

02:26:03.000 They let themselves get gourd? 1.00

02:26:05.000 Not gourd, the bull didn't have sharp horns, and they let these bulls just fucking hit them and throw them over their backs, and they do flips, and they were total badasses. 1.00

02:26:14.000 But either way, I just didn't want to see an animal suffer. 0.98

02:26:17.000 That's a horrible aspect of human nature. 0.99

02:26:18.000 Yeah, I didn't want to see a fucking defenseless animal writhe in pain. 1.00

02:26:23.000 I didn't like that shit. 1.00

02:26:24.000 No, it's disgusting. 1.00

02:26:25.000 But, you know, so we have to, then the argument is like, okay, well then you've got to look at the vegetarian or the vegan argument.

02:26:33.000 Well, they're trying to be as free of this negative karma of murdering—well, you shouldn't say murdering because I guess murdering is only people killing animals.

02:26:40.000 Veganism is a form of religion in some ways, right?

02:26:43.000 Sort of.

02:26:44.000 I mean, it's a philosophy.

02:26:45.000 But my point is, how does one manage the animals then?

02:26:51.000 If we get to that point where no one's eating any animals, what are you going to do?

02:26:56.000 Are you going to castrate them?

02:26:57.000 What are you going to do about the deers in the wild?

02:26:58.000 What are you going to do?

02:26:59.000 We're going to have a real issue.

02:27:00.000 And that's something that no one needs to...

02:27:02.000 I mean, we have to decide...

02:27:04.000 You probably wouldn't grow as much animal protein, first of all, right?

02:27:06.000 It doesn't matter.

02:27:07.000 What are you going to do with the animals that are alive?

02:27:09.000 I don't think you'd feed.

02:27:09.000 I don't think you'd be able to feed as many people.

02:27:11.000 So would you just let the cows starve to death and cows go extinct?

02:27:14.000 Or would you manage a population of them that you never bred or used?

02:27:18.000 I suppose you'd stop breeding them.

02:27:19.000 Would you let them go wild?

02:27:20.000 And if you did, they wouldn't have any natural predators. 0.98

02:27:22.000 The big question that fucking awesome Ray Kurzweil said is, listen, very, very soon we're going to be cloning meat that has no animal suffering. 0.97

02:27:34.000 We're going to be cloning meat with no central nervous system. 1.00

02:27:36.000 It's going to taste like shit. 1.00

02:27:37.000 Well, no, because we can clone the best tasting meat in the world. 1.00

02:27:41.000 In a factory.

02:27:42.000 I'm just saying that is the future.

02:27:44.000 It's going to be a meat farm.

02:27:46.000 You ever see, like, salmon that you buy that hasn't been dyed pink? 0.99

02:27:50.000 Ever see those weak-ass prison-bitch salmon? 1.00

02:27:53.000 Yeah, but what I'm saying is that at the end of the day, I think technology is going to give you the greatest tasting everything without animal suffering, and meat's going to be just like anything else. 1.00

02:28:03.000 You're going to buy a meatball that was grown in some fucking farm. 0.90

02:28:07.000 I wonder if it's possible to get the subtle nuances of a good grass-fed steak. 0.99

02:28:11.000 I wonder if you can get that.

02:28:13.000 Or I wonder if it's going to be sort of like grape gum, where it's not really grape gum, but you call it grape gum.

02:28:19.000 What flavor is that grape?

02:28:20.000 Oh, I love grape.

02:28:21.000 It doesn't taste anything like grapes. 0.98

02:28:22.000 That's why I like gay meat so much. 1.00

02:28:24.000 You can't compete with that fucking... 1.00

02:28:25.000 Gay meat. 1.00

02:28:26.000 Game. 1.00

02:28:26.000 Not gay meat, Brian. 1.00

02:28:28.000 Gay meat and gay meat. 1.00

02:28:29.000 Like grape soda. 0.99

02:28:30.000 Does grape soda taste anything like a grape?

02:28:32.000 No.

02:28:33.000 Not at all, right?

02:28:33.000 Tastes like the color.

02:28:34.000 Maybe Welch's grape juice.

02:28:36.000 That's real grape juice.

02:28:38.000 Wine grapes tend to be really, really sweet.

02:28:41.000 But think about what's the difference between grape, hubba-bubba, bubblegum, and an actual grape.

02:28:46.000 How do you even know that it's a grape?

02:28:48.000 You know it's a grape because you've accepted this as the substitute grape flavor, even though it's nothing grape-like about it.

02:28:55.000 You call it, that's the grape flavor.

02:28:57.000 That's what steak's going to be like.

02:28:59.000 We're going to get used to that.

02:29:00.000 We're going to use this artificial, non-biological meat.

02:29:04.000 Or they'll be able to figure out a way to put all those nuances in it. 0.99

02:29:07.000 And when they do, the first people that eat it are going to get cancer of the dick immediately. 0.99

02:29:12.000 I wonder, it seems like how long can you keep tricking the system?

02:29:16.000 Well, the only way we're going to feed as many people as we do as we get into nine, ten billion people in the middle of the century is with genetically modified foods.

02:29:25.000 You're not going to do it any other way.

02:29:26.000 Nine or ten billion people.

02:29:27.000 You have to figure out a way to make rice more nutritious.

02:29:29.000 That's what the Golden Rice Project is all about.

02:29:32.000 I guess getting more vitamin A into the rice and making it way more nutritious is all that.

02:29:37.000 To make sure that more people breed so we have even more people. 0.99

02:29:40.000 Well, that's very important.

02:29:41.000 Isn't the most important thing to figure out how to make these places less poor?

02:29:47.000 You know, like, when you look at all the poverty in the world and all these people that are in these incredibly overpopulated areas, like, how does one ever manage the human...

02:30:02.000 We're already growing far more food per hectare than we ever have with technology and making it more nutrient dense.

02:30:09.000 So the idea actually is to create staples of crops like rice that is as nutritious as a root vegetable like a sweet potato.

02:30:17.000 So your thing is to take these people who live in these poor places and make them farmers? 0.90

02:30:21.000 No, actually you'll need less farmers and you'll need less pesticides because what you'll do is you'll genetically modify these foods to, and they're already doing this, to resist the need for artificial pesticides because they have built-in resistance to the pests that are indigenous to that area.

02:30:36.000 And that's what this is all about.

02:30:39.000 Genetically modified foods get such a bad rap, but that's the future.

02:30:43.000 We're not going to feed people without it.

02:30:45.000 Do you think that the thing with taking these genetically modified foods and copywriting them and making sure that people have, you know, making sure that the seeds can't grow back, suicide seeds?

02:30:58.000 I don't know the answer to that.

02:30:59.000 When it starts becoming a commodity, it gets a little weird.

02:31:02.000 It always has been, though.

02:31:03.000 It always has been.

02:31:04.000 I think it's just becoming more complicated.

02:31:05.000 Trademark life.

02:31:06.000 It's a really interesting question, though, because, like, you're right, but if you spend a lot of time in a laboratory and you create the most nutritious rice kernel in the world, then people can live on just rice.

02:31:16.000 Well, then, if that was all your hard work, I guess you should own the rights to the seed, right?

02:31:22.000 Well, maybe you should just get a cut forever.

02:31:24.000 Yeah, because otherwise people wouldn't...

02:31:26.000 The incentive to develop that is not only just a humanitarian one, but it's also a profit motive incentive.

02:31:31.000 I mean...

02:31:31.000 That's why you put billions of dollars into the research to recoup it.

02:31:34.000 But what about cross-pollination and shit like that, like the issues that they deal with farmers living in nearby communities that don't have their crops when they sue them? 0.66

02:31:44.000 Yeah, it's an issue. 0.66

02:31:46.000 I don't know how you fight the inevitable rise of technology, though.

02:31:49.000 You and I talk about it all the time.

02:31:50.000 I just don't think that we're going to...

02:31:53.000 Like I said, I think that...

02:31:56.000 And crops have continued, farmers from the beginning of time have done everything they can to make their particular crop more nutritious, more calorie rich, more dense, more energy efficient.

02:32:06.000 And also last longer.

02:32:07.000 Last longer, need less water, need less pesticides.

02:32:10.000 Taste less good.

02:32:11.000 All that.

02:32:11.000 Well, yeah, I mean, whatever.

02:32:13.000 It doesn't matter.

02:32:14.000 They're just trying to engineer in durability.

02:32:16.000 And who knows, as far as the vitamin content of one of those pale-ass tomatoes.

02:32:20.000 Yeah, but the marketplace, there are a lot of people in the marketplace that want a tomato that's going to taste good as well, so there's an incentive to create a good-tasting tomato.

02:32:29.000 Have you ever really had a real tomato though, like a Jersey beef steak tomato? 0.94

02:32:32.000 They're so fucking good. 0.90

02:32:33.000 That's why it's a fruit. 0.98

02:32:34.000 Like in Italy, when you go to Italy and you see the fruits that are grown in manure, the tomatoes, forget it.

02:32:39.000 That's why I eat organically because I'm such a foodie.

02:32:42.000 It's still not as good.

02:32:43.000 Even organically, I mean, the only thing that comes close is like heirloom tomatoes.

02:32:46.000 Yeah.

02:32:46.000 You know what they say the best lamb is?

02:32:48.000 You know where it comes from?

02:32:48.000 Where?

02:32:49.000 Iraq.

02:32:50.000 Really?

02:32:50.000 Yeah, Iraq, they say, is the sweetest tasting lamb because they eat a certain kind of grass...

02:32:56.000 There.

02:32:56.000 And it's Mesopotamia.

02:32:58.000 They've been eating goat and lamb there from the beginning of time.

02:33:00.000 You know what's supposed to be insanely good?

02:33:02.000 Yak.

02:33:03.000 Really?

02:33:03.000 It's supposed to be delicious.

02:33:04.000 It's a fatty meat, right?

02:33:05.000 Better than venison.

02:33:05.000 I bet.

02:33:06.000 And apparently what they eat to make it taste so good is some moss that grows way the fuck up there that you can't even grow down here.

02:33:13.000 So you can't make them in a farm. 1.00

02:33:14.000 You can't make a yak farm and have them eat this shit. 1.00

02:33:17.000 It wouldn't work. 1.00

02:33:17.000 That's a sturdy animal, man. 1.00

02:33:18.000 They got no problem.

02:33:19.000 They don't need sleeping bags.

02:33:20.000 It's supposed to be delicious.

02:33:22.000 Wow.

02:33:22.000 Yak.

02:33:23.000 Fucking yak. 1.00

02:33:24.000 I'll eat some fucking yak. 1.00

02:33:25.000 You'll eat the shit out of a yak. 1.00

02:33:26.000 I will. 1.00

02:33:27.000 I'll jerk it, too.

02:33:29.000 I was watching a Rinella show.

02:33:31.000 They went hunting for, I think it's called a tarp. 1.00

02:33:33.000 Some fucking crazy looking wookie animal. 0.99

02:33:37.000 Yeah, it's an antwope or something? 1.00

02:33:37.000 Yeah, a horned wookie goat demon thing in New Zealand. 1.00

02:33:42.000 It was nuts. 0.98

02:33:43.000 They were up in the middle of this fucking, like, they have to cross this glacial river where the runoff from the glacier, they shot an animal on the other side, so they had to cross it. 0.98

02:33:54.000 Like, what we did is like a really safe hunt for that guy. 0.99

02:33:57.000 Like, he does some wild shit, man. 0.99

02:34:01.000 Yeah, Rinella? 1.00

02:34:03.000 He's also smart. 0.99

02:34:03.000 They do a lot of stabbing pigs. 0.99

02:34:05.000 He had an episode, the same place in New Zealand, where they hold the pigs down with a dog and then they stab it with a knife to kill it.

02:34:13.000 Do you want to know what the history on my phone, my Google phone is?

02:34:16.000 You want to know the history? 0.99

02:34:17.000 This is so fucking ridiculous. 1.00

02:34:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:18.000 It starts with... 1.00

02:34:39.000 Andy Cozell, comedian.

02:34:40.000 I want to know who he was.

02:34:41.000 I heard his name.

02:34:42.000 Cool t-shirt design.

02:34:43.000 And best breakfast in Fort Lauderdale.

02:34:46.000 Yeah.

02:34:46.000 Now, if you were working as a CEO at an important company and they found that...

02:34:50.000 Big white dick. 1.00

02:34:51.000 They'd be like, wait a minute. 1.00

02:34:52.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

02:34:53.000 But I wanted to send a big white dick to a friend of mine. 1.00

02:34:55.000 I was like, hope you're having a great day. 1.00

02:34:57.000 And I'd just send that.

02:34:58.000 Because I'm 12. You can't have that kind of sense of humor if you work in corporate America.

02:35:02.000 No, I know you can't.

02:35:03.000 That's the thing that poisons most people, man.

02:35:05.000 Suppression.

02:35:06.000 Daily suppression. 1.00

02:35:07.000 All day, having to fit a mold, working some fucking stupid office somewhere. 1.00

02:35:12.000 That's gotta be life-sapping. 1.00

02:35:15.000 The idea that one of the problems with government is that there's no passion in most levels of government.

02:35:21.000 They're just jobs.

02:35:22.000 And the real problem with jobs is people want to get them, and they want that money, and they want to keep them.

02:35:26.000 And they never say, you know what, this job is just not really necessary.

02:35:29.000 The way to best serve the American people would be to fucking get rid of this job, but this is what I need.

02:35:35.000 It becomes a personal issue that sort of gets in the way of the greater good of what you're trying to achieve in the first place. 0.96

02:35:41.000 Well, you're not getting rid of a...

02:35:42.000 That's the problem with passing a law.

02:35:47.000 Yeah.

02:35:52.000 Yeah.

02:36:07.000 Yeah, there's a lot of money behind trying to keep marijuana illegal.

02:36:13.000 And there was something that I retweeted, I think yesterday, that was listing all the different people that are involved in working hard to keep marijuana illegal.

02:36:25.000 It's so annoying. 1.00

02:36:26.000 You read that shit, it just makes you nuts. 1.00

02:36:29.000 Joe, check this out. 1.00

02:36:30.000 There's already been voter machines going crazy.

02:36:33.000 Look at this video.

02:36:34.000 It's switching people's votes from Obama to...

02:36:38.000 Oh yeah, I've seen that.

02:36:39.000 Switches it to Romney.

02:36:40.000 I'm not surprised. 1.00

02:36:42.000 You know, they never fix that shit. 1.00

02:36:44.000 These fucking Republicans own all these voting machines. 1.00

02:36:48.000 They showed in that Hacking Democracy documentary that you could fix them so that they could change the vote. 1.00

02:36:54.000 That's weird. 0.92

02:36:54.000 It's just ridiculous. 0.92

02:36:55.000 It's a fucking scam. 1.00

02:36:56.000 This isn't a real life we're living. 1.00

02:36:58.000 It's all fake. 1.00

02:36:59.000 We're living in a goddamn simulation. 0.99

02:37:03.000 The problem is you've got to kind of care and you've got to be informed, otherwise forces will take your freedom away from you. 0.99

02:37:07.000 If they're already taking it, what difference does it make?

02:37:09.000 It's a problem.

02:37:10.000 You've got to figure out a way to fight back, you know?

02:37:12.000 Have you seen the Chinese practice of eating eggs boiled in the urine of young boys?

02:37:20.000 Sure haven't.

02:37:21.000 Sure haven't.

02:37:21.000 You haven't seen that?

02:37:22.000 Brian, please Google that. 0.57

02:37:27.000 Chinese people eat eggs boiled in the urine of virgin boys. 1.00

02:37:31.000 No, we didn't look at this. 0.58

02:37:32.000 Yesterday, I found that someone tweeted this to me.

02:37:34.000 It's in my Twitter timeline.

02:37:36.000 If you look at my Twitter timeline, they have young boys, they have them pee, and then they boil eggs in this young boy pee, and they eat it all day. 0.89

02:37:46.000 They say it keeps them healthy, and it's great for the skin.

02:37:49.000 It's like a super common delicacy.

02:37:52.000 The actual urine?

02:37:53.000 No, they eat the eggs after it's been boiled in little kid piss. 0.97

02:37:56.000 But it has to be like virgin boys. 1.00

02:37:58.000 I guess once dudes start fucking, it becomes problematic. 1.00

02:38:01.000 Do they hard boil it? 1.00

02:38:03.000 Yeah, they simmer it.

02:38:04.000 They actually crack the eggshell so that the urine seeps into the egg itself, not just heats it up from the outside, seeps in and simmers for hours and hours in piss.

02:38:15.000 What day did you post this?

02:38:17.000 22 hours ago. 1.00

02:38:18.000 Humans are dumb. 1.00

02:38:19.000 Hey, do you have a fridge? 1.00

02:38:20.000 You know, I retweeted it.

02:38:22.000 A dude named Adrian.

02:38:23.000 There's a fridge right over there.

02:38:26.000 Go get it. 0.99

02:38:26.000 We're going to wrap this bitch up soon. 0.99

02:38:28.000 Grab me one, too. 0.99

02:38:30.000 I don't think there's anything in there.

02:38:31.000 Dude, there's nothing in your fridge?

02:38:32.000 I think there's a couple of beers and Mountain Dew.

02:38:35.000 Whatever it is in cans. 0.98

02:38:38.000 We should stop at Costco and just fucking stock this place full. 0.96

02:38:41.000 You want to go to Costco later? 0.99

02:38:43.000 I do all the time.

02:38:44.000 It just goes really fast. 1.00

02:38:46.000 Yeah, but it's because you bring in sluts in here and they get thirsty for sucking cock all the time. 1.00

02:38:50.000 That's what it is. 1.00

02:38:51.000 That's what I heard.

02:38:52.000 Is that true?

02:38:53.000 I'm not finding this. 1.00

02:38:54.000 Because you're retarded. 1.00

02:38:55.000 Come on, dude. 1.00

02:38:55.000 It's in there from... 1.00

02:38:56.000 I told you.

02:38:57.000 It's a retweet from a dude named Adrian.

02:39:00.000 Oh, 5th of November.

02:39:01.000 I guess it was 24 hours ago now.

02:39:05.000 Adrian.

02:39:06.000 Yeah.

02:39:09.000 Well, Joe Rogan, what I love about you is that you have used your influence for nothing but good.

02:39:14.000 I'm sorry, it's Wilford Lee.

02:39:15.000 That's the guy's name.

02:39:16.000 Sorry.

02:39:17.000 Wilford Lee is the guy who tweeted it to me.

02:39:19.000 On November 5th?

02:39:20.000 No, it was 22 hours ago.

02:39:21.000 I was looking at something else.

02:39:22.000 Alright, here we go.

02:39:24.000 Do you see it?

02:39:25.000 Yeah.

02:39:25.000 Pull this up.

02:39:26.000 This is going to be so ridiculous.

02:39:27.000 So what were you thanking me for?

02:39:29.000 I love that you have, as your influence has grown, you've done nothing but take care of your friends and people around you and try to make a world a better place.

02:39:35.000 Well, you know what?

02:39:37.000 That world a better place thing, I don't know about that.

02:39:40.000 Well, no, you try.

02:39:41.000 I'm just saying that you...

02:39:43.000 Look at that.

02:39:44.000 Oh, there we go.

02:39:53.000 What?

02:40:00.000 We have to be very careful about going to war with these people.

02:40:04.000 It's like somebody who came up with a gimmick to sell eggs.

02:40:16.000 It takes a full day to prepare the snack, starting off with collecting urine from boys' toilets.

02:40:22.000 Then the eggs are soaked and boiled in a pot of urine, after which the shells are cracked and the eggs are simmered in the same urine for hours.

02:40:32.000 Those who snack on the eggs say they help decrease body heat and promote better blood circulation that can make one feel reinvigorated.

02:40:40.000 Our ancestors were already doing this.

02:40:45.000 By eating these eggs, we will not have any pain on our waist, legs and joints.

02:40:52.000 Also, you'll have more energy when you do work.

02:40:56.000 I don't think so.

02:40:59.000 I don't like eating these eggs.

02:41:02.000 Other people like it because they have this tradition in Dongyang that these eggs are nourishment for our health and that it would help prevent things like getting a cold.

02:41:10.000 I don't believe in this at all.

02:41:11.000 I don't eat them.

02:41:20.000 Who's pro in the doctor world?

02:41:26.000 Huh.

02:41:30.000 You know what's so funny? 0.71

02:41:30.000 This is probably a huge troll. 0.71

02:41:32.000 I hope it is.

02:41:33.000 Somebody put that on your message board.

02:41:35.000 What if it's just the onion for China?

02:41:39.000 It could be.

02:41:39.000 They could have just had a picture of simmering eggs and had a picture of the stalls and pretended they pissed.

02:41:44.000 You could go to Venice, California right now. 1.00

02:41:47.000 And find a group of people that are boiling eggs in fucking young boy piss. 1.00

02:41:51.000 You think so? 1.00

02:41:51.000 Or old man piss. 1.00

02:41:52.000 Because somebody came up with this idea.

02:41:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:41:55.000 I think we've always boiled shit in piss. 0.99

02:41:57.000 And I think... 0.98

02:41:58.000 And the same reason people would eat like...

02:42:04.000 Like why virgins are so prized, you know? 1.00

02:42:07.000 Well, Chinese people do a lot of freaky shit with eggs. 1.00

02:42:09.000 Like one of the things I'm fearful of is... 1.00

02:42:11.000 You bury them?

02:42:11.000 Yeah, 100-year-old eggs, 1,000-year-old eggs.

02:42:13.000 What is that?

02:42:13.000 Explain that to me.

02:42:14.000 Balloot eggs.

02:42:15.000 Yeah, balloot eggs.

02:42:15.000 There's an unmistakable scent from these hard...

02:42:18.000 It's an egg that's fermented and black and looks like jelly.

02:42:22.000 I've eaten one.

02:42:22.000 Yeah, we used to serve them to people on Fear Factor.

02:42:25.000 It's disgusting.

02:42:26.000 But they were like a real delicacy.

02:42:28.000 When I was 14 years old, back when China was communist, I went to the mainland.

02:42:32.000 I spent two weeks there with my family.

02:42:35.000 What was that like?

02:42:36.000 When you looked out the bus, all you saw, I looked, turned around, all you saw back then was people in blue uniforms on bicycles.

02:42:44.000 Beijing was just one blue sea.

02:42:47.000 All commies.

02:42:48.000 Oh, it was just a communist country.

02:42:49.000 Everybody wore the exact same blue outfit. 1.00

02:42:51.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:42:52.000 Everybody rode bicycles. 1.00

02:42:53.000 Was it freaky?

02:42:54.000 It was the freakiest thing I'd ever seen in my life.

02:42:56.000 No advertisements.

02:42:56.000 Think about that.

02:42:57.000 What?

02:42:57.000 No advertising.

02:42:58.000 No billboards, no advertisements.

02:42:59.000 And Russia was the same way. 0.66

02:43:00.000 I went to Russia when it was communist.

02:43:01.000 There was no advertising.

02:43:03.000 So you'd go, why is everything so gray?

02:43:05.000 Well, there's no advertising.

02:43:07.000 There is no free enterprise.

02:43:09.000 Splashy colors.

02:43:09.000 So you don't have people saying, buy this, that you weren't allowed to do that.

02:43:12.000 Everything was run by the state.

02:43:15.000 Restaurants were these huge communal affairs.

02:43:19.000 So when you go to a restaurant, do you have to pay anything?

02:43:21.000 How'd that work?

02:43:22.000 Very, very little.

02:43:22.000 Everybody pays the same.

02:43:24.000 Right, but when you pay, like...

02:43:26.000 There was one beer.

02:43:26.000 There was one national beer.

02:43:28.000 There was one, you know...

02:43:30.000 Everything was so uniform.

02:43:32.000 I went to the pagodas.

02:43:33.000 I went to the, you know...

02:43:34.000 There were very few Buddhist shrines that really survived the communist revolution.

02:43:38.000 Have you been back since?

02:43:39.000 No, no.

02:43:40.000 I mean, Beijing now is completely different.

02:43:43.000 But I was in Russia in 1985. They've gone straight capitalism now in China.

02:43:48.000 China, I think, has more billionaires than anywhere else in the world.

02:43:51.000 They buy Buicks.

02:43:52.000 Yeah.

02:43:53.000 They really like Buicks.

02:43:54.000 Yet they still have a very, very suppressive government.

02:43:56.000 But the Chinese have always... 1.00

02:43:58.000 The one thing that really is really unique to China is that a huge area of land speaks one language, Mandarin Chinese.

02:44:05.000 And there's almost no other example like that in the world.

02:44:07.000 However, that's because the Yangtze and the Yellow River were able to bring ideas and commerce and language to all different parts of China.

02:44:17.000 And so China became this uniform powerhouse as a result of that.

02:44:21.000 What's more fascinating to me is how they all look Chinese.

02:44:24.000 That's the other thing.

02:44:26.000 That's the other thing, though.

02:44:27.000 You want to talk about a really...

02:44:28.000 A fast area.

02:44:29.000 ...a credible-sized place, and they all share a very similar gene pool.

02:44:35.000 I mean, at least visually.

02:44:36.000 Because of the Yangtze and Yellow River, there was so much trade.

02:44:39.000 You were able to get in.

02:44:41.000 The food production, domestication of animals created huge city centers, and it concentrated a great deal of people in one area.

02:44:49.000 I love how when you see northern Russia and Siberia, it gets really Chinese looking. 1.00

02:44:54.000 Well, I was in Kyrgyzstan, and if you talk to people from Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan, which are the areas kind of like right where part of Russia used to be, they look very, very high cheekbones, very Asian.

02:45:06.000 They look more Mongol. 0.99

02:45:08.000 They're tall, usually strong-looking, you know, Broad people with these high cheekbones.

02:45:14.000 When you see something like that, doesn't it kind of like put you in touch with history?

02:45:18.000 Like you start thinking about like the Genghis Khan era. 0.98

02:45:19.000 If you want to freak yourself out, if you really want to freak out and you want to see specimens of human beings, go to the fucking Sudan. 1.00

02:45:27.000 Go to Kenya and go take a look at the Maasai Warriors. 0.99

02:45:30.000 Just go take a look. 0.99

02:45:31.000 If you want to know where the fuck guys like Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan come from, I don't care what anybody says, they are these beautiful, these fucking six foot seven, seven foot people in the Sudan. 1.00

02:45:43.000 They live a nomadic lifestyle. 1.00

02:45:46.000 Seven feet?

02:45:46.000 No problem.

02:45:48.000 Athletic is all fucking get out wide and big. 0.98

02:45:52.000 Heads the size of basketballs. 1.00

02:45:54.000 You're like, where the fuck did you come from? 1.00

02:45:56.000 It is a different gene pool. 1.00

02:45:58.000 And how did that one gene pool arise?

02:46:00.000 How did the pygmies of the Congo arise?

02:46:03.000 There are a lot of theories on the biology of why people do it, but a lot of it had to do with how isolated that gene pool was.

02:46:13.000 For example, Polynesian people, very isolated for a long period of time.

02:46:19.000 In Hawaii and especially Tonga and Samoa, up until I think it was the late 1700s, early 1800s, they'd never been contacted by white people.

02:46:29.000 Do you know what's interesting about islands is that animals tend to dwarf on islands, but lizards tend to grow towards giant size.

02:46:38.000 Yeah, that's why the Komodo dragons became like enormous lizards.

02:46:42.000 They were isolated to the Komodo islands. 0.97

02:46:43.000 But like pygmy elephants and shit like that. 0.98

02:46:46.000 That makes sense though. 0.99

02:46:48.000 There's not enough food, right?

02:46:50.000 The hobbit people, those Homo florensis, those little tiny human beings that lived alongside people, that's also like an episode of island dwarfism. 0.93

02:46:59.000 I don't know.

02:47:00.000 Yeah, I wonder, though, why it was a form of a natural selection where tall people liked... 0.96

02:47:06.000 I mean, because Sudan's ridiculous. 1.00

02:47:07.000 They probably had to fight off lions and shit, and the big ones survived. 1.00

02:47:10.000 And the Maasai Mara are fucking tall, athletic. 1.00

02:47:14.000 The Maasai just broke the fucking half-mile record in the Olympics this year, world record. 1.00

02:47:18.000 Ran, like, fucking destroyed everybody. 0.99

02:47:21.000 Well, that guy, you know, comparing this conversation we were having earlier with, like, some fucking fat doughy guy, you know, some Gabriel Iglesias guy, and, you know, like, physically, if they're going to get in an MMA fight, one of them is cheating already. 1.00

02:47:33.000 Dude, I got a shitty... 0.99

02:47:34.000 I got... 0.99

02:47:34.000 I didn't win the fucking genetic lottery, and I'm okay. 0.99

02:47:36.000 But you didn't fail. 0.99

02:47:37.000 I didn't fail either. 0.99

02:47:39.000 I'm alright, but when I look at fucking... 0.99

02:47:41.000 You got like a 70. Yeah, I got a 70. You look at these fucking Samoans with the back of their arms, those big elbows, and their... 1.00

02:47:47.000 Big knees. 1.00

02:47:48.000 Those huge heads.

02:47:49.000 Mark Hunt looking legs. 1.00

02:47:50.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:47:52.000 Yeah, five minutes. 1.00

02:47:54.000 Have you ever seen Relentless Enemies?

02:47:55.000 No.

02:47:56.000 There's a documentary on this one area of Africa where a hundred years ago...

02:48:00.000 Eternal Enemies, right?

02:48:01.000 No, Relentless Enemies.

02:48:02.000 And there's the lions, the giant lions.

02:48:05.000 There's an area where the river changed course a hundred years ago.

02:48:09.000 And it's stranded all these lions and water buffalo in this one area.

02:48:15.000 And because the lions don't have any other prey other than water buffalo.

02:48:19.000 Pull that up, Brian.

02:48:20.000 Just pull up a video.

02:48:21.000 We'll end with this. 1.00

02:48:22.000 Blow your fucking socks off. 1.00

02:48:23.000 They become Hulk-sized lions. 1.00

02:48:25.000 The female lions are as large as regular male lions. 0.61

02:48:28.000 They're enormous.

02:48:30.000 Enormous.

02:48:30.000 Jesus.

02:48:31.000 And they're muscular.

02:48:32.000 Unbelievably muscular because all they eat is water buffalo. 0.99

02:48:35.000 These giant fucking buffaloes that they need like seven or eight of them to take on. 0.99

02:48:40.000 So they jump on their back and one of them goes underneath and they try to drag this thing down. 0.99

02:48:44.000 And then the water buffaloes just search for relentless enemies, lion versus water buffalo. 0.98

02:48:51.000 It's fucking incredible. 0.98

02:48:52.000 And they look like CGI lions. 0.99

02:48:54.000 They look like the Hulk.

02:48:55.000 They have giant muscles.

02:48:56.000 I can't believe you don't know about this.

02:48:58.000 No!

02:48:58.000 How do I not know about this stuff?

02:48:59.000 You're going to jack off this night.

02:49:00.000 This is going to end your night.

02:49:02.000 Have you seen Eye of the Sparrow?

02:49:03.000 The bad lip syncing of the presidential debate?

02:49:06.000 What is that?

02:49:07.000 Oh my god.

02:49:08.000 We have to watch that before you take off.

02:49:11.000 Go to Eye of the Sparrow.

02:49:12.000 Did you do Relentless Enemies?

02:49:15.000 Just type in Relentless Enemies.

02:49:19.000 Did you write weather buffalo? 1.00

02:49:22.000 What the fuck did you... 1.00

02:49:22.000 It's so hard to see. 1.00

02:49:24.000 It's so blurry.

02:49:26.000 Why is it...

02:49:26.000 They can't make one of those things that looks like a monitor.

02:49:30.000 What did you say about...

02:49:31.000 Water buffalo versus lion.

02:49:33.000 Relentless enemies.

02:49:34.000 That's it.

02:49:35.000 Click on that. 1.00

02:49:36.000 These fucking things. 1.00

02:49:38.000 Wait till you see what they look like. 1.00

02:49:44.000 I think this is the trailer for the movie.

02:49:50.000 What happened? 1.00

02:49:51.000 Fucking windows. 0.99

02:49:53.000 That's cool, though. 1.00

02:49:54.000 That's good resolution.

02:49:57.000 Hey, bro, I need to buy a flat-screen TV. Look at this water buffalo. 1.00

02:50:00.000 Jesus Christ.

02:50:01.000 Imagine having to eat that thing.

02:50:03.000 That's all you can eat. 1.00

02:50:05.000 Wait till you sweat these fucking lions, dude. 0.99

02:50:11.000 This is over a course of a hundred years, so it's really changing the way they look about how animals adapt. 0.99

02:50:17.000 Dude, look at these things.

02:50:18.000 That's death. 1.00

02:50:20.000 Look at the muscles on the- wait till you see the muscles on the fucking females, man. 1.00

02:50:25.000 I mean, you've never seen anything like it. 1.00

02:50:26.000 Dude, look at those ears! 1.00

02:50:27.000 They're swimming out to get to this water buffalo.

02:50:29.000 They can't- look at- Jeremy Irons. 1.00

02:50:36.000 Look at the size of these fucking lions. 1.00

02:50:38.000 That's a smaller one. 1.00

02:50:41.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:50:49.000 Oh my god! 1.00

02:50:52.000 Did this kiss me?

02:50:54.000 What are you doing, Brian? 1.00

02:50:56.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:50:58.000 Look at how they have to fight these things. 1.00

02:51:00.000 Holy shit! 0.99

02:51:04.000 There's several different prides on this island, and not all of them are oversized. 0.98

02:51:09.000 It's interesting.

02:51:10.000 Some of them are regular sized.

02:51:12.000 Where can I see that?

02:51:13.000 Relentless Enemies.

02:51:14.000 Get it on Netflix, I'm sure.

02:51:15.000 I'm sure it's available on Amazon.

02:51:17.000 Go to Doug.com and buy it from there, and Brian makes money.

02:51:20.000 Will you just put in Eye of the Sparrow really quickly so I can show Joe?

02:51:25.000 What is it?

02:51:25.000 Eyes of the Sparrow?

02:51:27.000 Podcast is almost over.

02:51:28.000 We've run out of time.

02:51:29.000 We turn into a pumpkin in two minutes.

02:51:30.000 Two seconds.

02:51:31.000 Come see me at Helium.

02:51:33.000 Go see him.

02:51:34.000 Or come see me and Joey Diaz in San Diego at the Balboa Theater.

02:51:38.000 Boom! 0.99

02:51:38.000 What are you doing? 0.99

02:51:40.000 That's Saturday night.

02:51:41.000 This Saturday night. 0.99

02:51:42.000 I'm in fucking dead punch, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

02:51:44.000 If you're on the East Coast, come see me at Helium and I'll tell you all about Joe Rogan. 0.99

02:51:48.000 I got loose in San Francisco. 0.99

02:51:50.000 Knocked their dicks into the dirt in Seattle. 0.98

02:51:52.000 Did you say Ice over Sparrow? 0.97

02:51:53.000 Eyes of the Sparrow.

02:51:54.000 Eye of the Sparrow.

02:51:56.000 Seattle's so fun, man.

02:51:57.000 Seattle's great, dude.

02:51:58.000 You just did Seattle?

02:52:00.000 I just did the Moore Theater.

02:52:01.000 Smart people, they get it. 0.99

02:52:02.000 Fucking great. 0.99

02:52:03.000 They love it. 0.98

02:52:03.000 I love it. 0.98

02:52:04.000 Yeah, it's just dreary as fuck up there. 0.99

02:52:06.000 But they enjoy the shit out of a show. 0.99

02:52:08.000 So dreary, though. 0.99

02:52:09.000 So is Canada, but they're the greatest audiences.

02:52:12.000 Vancouver's not as dreary.

02:52:13.000 No, I'm doing Vancouver in January.

02:52:15.000 I can't wait.

02:52:15.000 What are you doing in Vancouver?

02:52:16.000 You do theaters.

02:52:17.000 Yeah, I love Vancouver.

02:52:18.000 What are you going to do, Comedy Mix?

02:52:19.000 I'm going to do Comedy Mix.

02:52:20.000 That place is great.

02:52:21.000 Yeah, it's great.

02:52:22.000 Duncan Trussell just sold it out.

02:52:23.000 We tweeted about it, and he sold it out in one day.

02:52:25.000 He sold it out the whole weekend.

02:52:26.000 That's great.

02:52:27.000 What are we watching here?

02:52:28.000 Is this it?

02:52:29.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:52:30.000 No, no.

02:52:30.000 Don't let him Google on his own.

02:52:32.000 You gotta tell him what the fucking video is or you're gonna see a cat's asshole. 1.00

02:52:36.000 Eye of the Sparrow. 1.00

02:52:37.000 A bad lip syncing.

02:52:39.000 Bad lip syncing.

02:52:40.000 There, there, there.

02:52:40.000 Right there.

02:52:41.000 Second one.

02:52:41.000 Right there.

02:52:42.000 Watch this.

02:52:43.000 This is so fucking funny. 0.97

02:52:44.000 Watch this. 0.98

02:52:45.000 We'll watch in a second.

02:52:47.000 This is the President's debate and they redub their voices because they watched their mouths and they could be saying something else.

02:52:53.000 Right.

02:52:53.000 Watch this.

02:52:54.000 This is so wild.

02:52:55.000 Watch this.

02:52:55.000 This better be good, dude.

02:52:57.000 Yeah.

02:52:58.000 I hope this is the one.

02:53:01.000 You know, the hot tub is cool now.

02:53:04.000 But they poisoned it.

02:53:05.000 I know, right?

02:53:06.000 I know.

02:53:07.000 Sing me some harmonies.

02:53:09.000 It's a small picture in a shop somewhere.

02:53:12.000 And I know who it is.

02:53:14.000 It's Mormon Judy and cow people. 1.00

02:53:17.000 A little pitchy, but good stuff. 0.96

02:53:20.000 Governor Romney's black. 0.78

02:53:21.000 I mean, I think black can be judged.

02:53:25.000 How do I do this?

02:53:26.000 Dude, I don't have a jet ski.

02:53:28.000 Not the kind you're talking about.

02:53:30.000 Plus, everyone can see that I'm not black.

02:53:32.000 You have to see this to enjoy this.

02:53:34.000 The iTunes people are like, how high are these guys to laugh at this?

02:53:38.000 I mean, I do want you to support me and be my man.

02:53:41.000 That's beautiful.

02:53:42.000 I know he's black.

02:53:45.000 Ahmed, how did you know about whodunit in the lounge?

02:53:49.000 We didn't?

02:53:50.000 No.

02:53:50.000 We didn't.

02:53:50.000 Oh, they started clapping for the mad cow until someone sold him.

02:53:56.000 Who is that creepy old dude that's involved in writing debates?

02:53:59.000 Boy. 0.99

02:54:02.000 That dude's the sickest. 1.00

02:54:04.000 We hate him because he had eggs for a bath. 1.00

02:54:07.000 Gonna throw up tonight. 0.93

02:54:09.000 But if you throw up, then it's as a jealous woman. 0.93

02:54:16.000 You have to see this. 1.00

02:54:18.000 It's so stupid! 1.00

02:54:19.000 I'm thinking Governor Romney won't do that, okay? 1.00

02:54:21.000 Audio is not doing this justice.

02:54:22.000 This has got me thinking. 1.00

02:54:25.000 I see a purple idiot. 1.00

02:54:27.000 Speaks German with a big spunky Irish labradoodle puppy. 1.00

02:54:31.000 Oh, he got me.

02:54:32.000 And I want you to feel bad because I've got funny radiation coming up on my desk.

02:54:36.000 Come on, I'm not a robot, okay?

02:54:38.000 I wish.

02:54:39.000 Then I could go higher and you could rotate my arm and send me whooshin' into space. 1.00

02:54:49.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

02:54:51.000 You gotta see it. 1.00

02:54:52.000 Is it over, folks? 0.99

02:54:54.000 Who the fuck is the president? 0.99

02:54:55.000 This is election day 2012, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:54:57.000 I'm going to vote.

02:54:58.000 A month before the apocalypse.

02:55:00.000 Right now...

02:55:01.000 Whoa.

02:55:02.000 You ready for this?

02:55:03.000 What?

02:55:04.000 Mitt Romney's in the lead.

02:55:06.000 Right now he has 152 electoral votes, 223 for Obama.

02:55:10.000 Wow.

02:55:10.000 Obama has 48% and he has 50%.

02:55:14.000 Wow.

02:55:16.000 Wow.

02:55:19.000 If this guy wins, this is going to be really strange.

02:55:22.000 I'm more concerned about the condom law.

02:55:25.000 Oh, the condom law for porn stars? 0.66

02:55:27.000 Yeah, I know.

02:55:28.000 Yeah, well, we're just going to have to buy or download our porn from, like, Russia. 0.97

02:55:33.000 Yeah, China porn. 0.95

02:55:34.000 That's just what it is, man. 1.00

02:55:36.000 There's no way people are just going to watch people fuck with condoms on. 1.00

02:55:40.000 They tried that for a while. 0.99

02:55:41.000 Remember that?

02:55:42.000 Yeah.

02:55:42.000 Didn't work.

02:55:43.000 You ever click on a link and you see, like, a condom?

02:55:46.000 And you get upset?

02:55:47.000 You're watching a porn and the guy's wearing a condom? 0.99

02:55:49.000 I can't watch it. 1.00

02:55:49.000 One minute! 1.00

02:55:50.000 It's annoying.

02:55:51.000 Podcast is over, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:55:53.000 Go fuck yourselves. 1.00

02:55:54.000 Do it kindly and gently. 1.00

02:55:56.000 Go see Brian Callen this weekend at Helium.

02:55:58.000 Helium in Philadelphia. 1.00

02:56:00.000 Google it, bitch. 1.00

02:56:01.000 I'll be bringing heat. 1.00

02:56:02.000 Go to deskwad.tv.

02:56:04.000 Buy yourself a kitty cat t-shirt.

02:56:06.000 Ohio this week.

02:56:07.000 Support the Deskwad crew with Tom Segura in Ohio along with Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redman.

02:56:14.000 Can somebody please tweet me?

02:56:15.000 Just tweet me at Brian Callen and give me an idea for a Man Thoughts t-shirt, please.

02:56:20.000 Don't. 1.00

02:56:20.000 We beg for ideas, you son of a bitch. 1.00

02:56:22.000 Hire somebody. 1.00

02:56:23.000 Hire an artist, goddammit. 0.94

02:56:24.000 I will. 0.97

02:56:24.000 I will hire an artist. 0.97

02:56:25.000 Tomorrow night, Ice House, Comedy Club.

02:56:27.000 You coming down?

02:56:27.000 You going to be able to make it?

02:56:28.000 I'm going to do the best I can.

02:56:28.000 10.30 show.

02:56:29.000 10 o'clock show.

02:56:30.000 I got a show to do.

02:56:31.000 What show you got to do?

02:56:32.000 Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

02:56:34.000 Oh, is it good?

02:56:35.000 It's the best thing I've ever seen.

02:56:36.000 Okay.

02:56:37.000 All right.

02:56:37.000 Well, yeah.

02:56:38.000 If you don't want to do that, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to come down to the Ice House, we'll be getting our freak on, getting our warm-up on, getting fired up for this weekend.

02:56:47.000 Me and Mad Flavor will be...

02:56:49.000 I don't know if Duncan is going to be able to make it this weekend, but I know Ari's coming.

02:56:52.000 Dom Herrera's coming.

02:56:55.000 Can Ian come?

02:56:57.000 Has Ian got a gig tomorrow night?

02:56:58.000 Tomorrow?

02:56:59.000 I'll ask him.

02:56:59.000 Find him.

02:57:00.000 Find out.

02:57:01.000 And Little Esther as well.

02:57:02.000 Little Esther's coming.

02:57:03.000 And Brian Redman's coming.

02:57:04.000 Esther can't do it.

02:57:05.000 She can't do it?

02:57:06.000 What happened? 0.99

02:57:07.000 She got some more important shit happen? 0.99

02:57:08.000 Oh wait, no, she can do it. 0.99

02:57:09.000 Never mind. 1.00

02:57:09.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:57:10.000 You're fucking with people's emotions! 1.00

02:57:13.000 Dude! 0.99

02:57:13.000 Alright, this podcast is officially over. 0.99

02:57:16.000 We will see you tomorrow at 2pm with Dr. Peter Dewsburg and Brian Callen and we'll talk about AIDS. The good AIDS. Good night, everybody. 0.83

02:57:25.000 Go to Onnit.com O-N-N-I-T and go fuck yourself. 1.00

02:57:31.000 Go fuck yourself. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 06, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #281 - Bryan Callen

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