The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #303 - Matt Vengrin

00:00:02.000 We are live, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:04.000 But you knew that.

00:00:06.000 You can hear us.

00:00:06.000 We need to come up with a better way to start these fucking things.

00:00:09.000 We have to have like, we are live.

00:00:11.000 Yeah.

00:00:11.000 I think that's like trademarked shit.

00:00:13.000 Oh.

00:00:13.000 We'd have to pay buffer.

00:00:14.000 It's like some serious cash.

00:00:16.000 What if we did it backwards?

00:00:17.000 Live.

00:00:17.000 We are.

00:00:18.000 Then we would have to owe Yoda money.

00:00:24.000 We're fucked if we do, fucked if we don't. 0.71

00:00:26.000 The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by Kerosene Games.

00:00:30.000 Kerosene Games is one of our newest sponsors.

00:00:32.000 And one of the things that me and Brian sort of committed to when we started doing this podcast was to make sure that we didn't ever get advertised by anybody that we don't believe in.

00:00:41.000 Don't just take someone's money if you think their product is dog shit or if you would never use it yourself.

00:00:47.000 And so when we add somebody like Kerosene Games, it's kind of a big deal for us.

00:00:53.000 They just seem like a really cool company.

00:00:56.000 First of all, they're trying to make really badass games for iPhones and iPads.

00:01:01.000 And they're coming out with Android devices most likely in January, possibly in February.

00:01:05.000 So those nice, like, which could be really incredible, like those Galaxy S3s or those Samsung Galaxy Note 2, those huge ones.

00:01:13.000 You could play the games on them.

00:01:15.000 And they're really badass.

00:01:17.000 And they're designed specifically for these sort of touchscreen devices, very intuitive controls, which is a lot better than a game that you would get that's like made to a PC first, but then sort of ported over.

00:01:30.000 So these, it's just a much better way to do it.

00:01:34.000 And Kerosene Games is concentrating on doing just that.

00:01:37.000 And they're super like high quality.

00:01:39.000 It's beautiful looking.

00:01:40.000 It's really fun.

00:01:41.000 The first game is called Bladeslinger.

00:01:43.000 It's like some dude who's a bionic cowboy character.

00:01:48.000 He returns from years at war.

00:01:50.000 You're just kicking ass, okay?

00:01:52.000 That's basically what it is.

00:01:53.000 fucking with this ridiculous storyline.

00:01:55.000 The storyline's all written, but...

00:02:03.000 Now, I wouldn't do it with my dad or my stepdad, maybe my dad, but like, you can gift apps if you go to the app store.

00:02:09.000 You can just send it.

00:02:09.000 Like, if you have a cousin that just got an iPad and he wants a game, right now the game's fucking 99 cents and it's a good game.

00:02:14.000 And guess what?

00:02:15.000 Your cousin will freak out if it's his first iPad or his new iPad.

00:02:18.000 It's 99 cents until the 29th of December.

00:02:22.000 And then I believe it's going to go back.

00:02:24.000 It's only $2.99 after that.

00:02:26.000 Which is crazy.

00:02:27.000 Yeah.

00:02:27.000 But it is, you're right.

00:02:28.000 It's 99 cents right now.

00:02:30.000 It's a badass game.

00:02:31.000 It's really cool.

00:02:32.000 It's fun to play.

00:02:32.000 It looks badass.

00:02:34.000 And if you're really into video games for the iPads, it's an interesting time because they're starting to make really cool high-end games.

00:02:42.000 The video graphics, the graphics processing power of those things is really amazing.

00:02:46.000 That's how you can watch these DVDs on it and full high-resolution movies.

00:02:50.000 The technology that they have today is awesome.

00:02:53.000 And it allows you to have a game like Bladeslinger.

00:02:55.000 So right now, till December 29th, it's 99 cents.

00:02:58.000 Go check it out, you dirty fucks.

00:03:00.000 Okay?

00:03:01.000 All right.

00:03:01.000 Take a bath.

00:03:02.000 Go get your shit together, all of you.

00:03:05.000 We are also brought to you by Onit.com.

00:03:07.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. 1.00

00:03:09.000 And what Onit is, we don't have a name for what kind of company this is, because what we're trying to do is we're just trying to sell you all things badass.

00:03:20.000 Anything that's good for you, anything that's healthy, anything that promotes cognitive function or athletic performance or anything that can enhance your fitness, anything that's good for your body.

00:03:29.000 That's what we're trying to do.

00:03:31.000 We're just trying to get you the best health, nutrition, and supplements that are available.

00:03:36.000 We're trying to find you the best shit and sell it.

00:03:38.000 Anytime I find out about anything cool, whether it's this Keith Weber kettlebell DVD that we're selling now, we just start selling it.

00:03:45.000 Like, why wouldn't we fucking sell it?

00:03:46.000 If it's badass, sell it.

00:03:48.000 That's how we feel about these blend tech blenders and kettlebells and battle ropes and everything.

00:03:53.000 GreastFed is all somebody told me today you could put coffee beans in a blend tech blender and like grind it up, you know, if you don't have a, no, if you don't have a coffee grinder.

00:04:06.000 And so I put a whole bag of coffee in there.

00:04:08.000 What did it do?

00:04:09.000 It caught on fire, man.

00:04:14.000 It's dangerous.

00:04:16.000 And it took me like an hour to get that shit out of there.

00:04:18.000 It becomes, it was psychological.

00:04:20.000 Was it really flamed?

00:04:21.000 It turned off as a smoke.

00:04:24.000 No, it's like, oh, damn, that shit's fucking crazy.

00:04:26.000 It's like, it must be all the bean dust or something.

00:04:29.000 And then it just started, it seriously got so hot that I felt it and I was like, oh, no, there's a fire starting in there.

00:04:35.000 And I turned it off.

00:04:36.000 Yeah, like, that's kind of an interesting thought.

00:04:39.000 Like, you're not supposed to blend everything, right?

00:04:41.000 No, I don't think, like, maybe iPads aren't a great idea.

00:04:46.000 They blend iPhones.

00:04:47.000 Have you seen those blend tech ads?

00:04:49.000 I mean, they turn an iPhone into dust.

00:04:51.000 How come it can do that, but it can't do coffee?

00:04:53.000 That's strange.

00:04:54.000 It smelled up the whole house.

00:04:54.000 I don't know.

00:04:56.000 Not in a good coffee.

00:04:57.000 I mean, it had to be a friction thing.

00:04:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:59.000 It's just the blades.

00:05:00.000 The blades go so fast.

00:05:02.000 The bean smoke.

00:05:04.000 Yeah, if you want to start a fire and you're a caveman and you had a blend tech blender, that's what you would do.

00:05:08.000 It's awesome for celery, though, I'll tell you that.

00:05:10.000 It fucks celery up.

00:05:12.000 Celery and kale and cucumbers.

00:05:14.000 You know, because it has water in it.

00:05:15.000 It has to fuck shit up.

00:05:16.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:05:17.000 That's weird.

00:05:18.000 It's really what it is, is like a ridiculously powered blender.

00:05:22.000 I mean, it's ridiculous.

00:05:23.000 And it has like little cycles it goes on.

00:05:25.000 You know, like when I make that bulletproof coffee, my kids run out of the room because they're scared of the noise.

00:05:30.000 Because it's like, it's scary.

00:05:30.000 Yeah.

00:05:34.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 You should probably have like a big shield in front of you.

00:05:38.000 Yeah, or a muff for it.

00:05:40.000 Like, imagine having like your neighbors, if you live in an apartment complex and you have a blend type blender, you're doing kale all day long, they probably fucking hate you.

00:05:47.000 Yeah, if you're one of those 6 a.m. fitness douchebags, wants to get up, show everybody how badass you are by running at 6 a.m.

00:05:54.000 Guess what, dummy?

00:05:55.000 You can run at noon too.

00:05:56.000 Okay?

00:05:57.000 Get your sleep in.

00:05:59.000 It's not always good.

00:06:01.000 It's not always good to get up at 6 a.m.

00:06:03.000 Anyway, don't blend coffee beans or do blend coffee beans and don't say you listen to this podcast.

00:06:11.000 Your choice.

00:06:12.000 Either way, on it, what else do we have that's new?

00:06:16.000 I think I've said everything.

00:06:18.000 Are you out of old?

00:06:20.000 Oh, no, that's not this week.

00:06:24.000 Oh, the buffalo bars.

00:06:25.000 That's another thing that we started carrying.

00:06:27.000 We started carrying these natural buffalo jerky bars.

00:06:30.000 They're fucking badass.

00:06:31.000 We have one.

00:06:32.000 I got one right here.

00:06:34.000 But they're made like this ancient Indian way with cranberries and shit.

00:06:39.000 Oh, and we also have killer bee honey.

00:06:41.000 Why?

00:06:41.000 Because it sounds gangster as fuck.

00:06:44.000 Okay?

00:06:44.000 Even if it's not even quite as good as regular honey, you still ganked it from some fucking killer bees.

00:06:51.000 Okay?

00:06:52.000 Onit.com.

00:06:53.000 Use a code name.

00:06:55.000 Rogan.

00:06:56.000 That's R-O-G-A-N. 1.00

00:06:57.000 Use that code name.

00:06:58.000 Rogan?

00:06:59.000 No, just me.

00:07:00.000 Use the code name Rogan and save yourself 10% off any supplements.

00:07:09.000 Any of that delicious hemp force.

00:07:11.000 Any of that super nutritious alpha brain.

00:07:13.000 All of it.

00:07:14.000 Use a code name Rogan.

00:07:15.000 All right, Brian.

00:07:16.000 Hit the music before this gets ugly.

00:07:20.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:07:22.000 Train by day, Joe Relicant Podcast by night, all day.

00:07:25.000 I. Are you okay, bro?

00:07:35.000 There's a strange, strange feeling in the room, ladies and gentlemen.

00:07:39.000 I don't know what the fuck is going on.

00:07:41.000 But I do know that Matt, how do I pronounce it?

00:07:45.000 Ven Grin.

00:07:45.000 That's Ven.

00:07:46.000 Yes.

00:07:46.000 Ven Grin.

00:07:47.000 That's right.

00:07:48.000 It's a tricky one.

00:07:49.000 And props to you for not changing it.

00:07:51.000 Well, thank you.

00:07:52.000 A lot of people would have bailed.

00:07:53.000 It's been pronounced wrong many times.

00:07:54.000 Yeah, it's funny, but parents from other countries with very unusual last names like Schwarzenegger, the amount of pressure they must have to change their name into something that the American people can pronounce are sloppy ass bitches. 0.99

00:08:11.000 I would say so.

00:08:12.000 The worst is virgin. 0.83

00:08:14.000 I've heard virgin many times.

00:08:16.000 Insulting.

00:08:17.000 When you were a virgin, was that painful?

00:08:19.000 It felt bad.

00:08:22.000 Matt is a professional poker player, and you're a friend of our friend Aubrey's and Alpha Brain enthusiast.

00:08:30.000 And I guess you apparently he said that you help fighters sometimes with their mental game planning?

00:08:36.000 Yes.

00:08:36.000 I have two fighters right now, Martin Cammon and Kung Li that I've worked with.

00:08:40.000 So I basically just focus on getting them present mentally before their fights.

00:08:45.000 Sorry, go ahead.

00:08:45.000 Yeah, no, please go.

00:08:46.000 Because poker is basically 95% mental.

00:08:49.000 So I've found ways to prepare myself.

00:08:52.000 And I think it helps with MMA because it's pure competition.

00:08:56.000 And if you're not there mentally, it doesn't matter how good you are.

00:08:59.000 You can get caught real easy if you're not paying attention.

00:09:01.000 Yeah, that's a subtle aspect to fighting that I think a lot of people aren't aware of.

00:09:08.000 The fact that a guy can look exactly the same and be moving around, but he could have lapses.

00:09:13.000 There's mental lapses that happen.

00:09:15.000 And some guys, those mental lapses sort of define their careers because they have a lot of talent, but for whatever reason, they can never put it together.

00:09:22.000 Absolutely.

00:09:23.000 I mean, if you get caught with one submission, just one second off, you could be out.

00:09:23.000 Yeah.

00:09:28.000 You could be tapping.

00:09:29.000 And it's the same thing with poker.

00:09:30.000 That's why I saw that both were kind of correlated, and I wanted to do something new and different that hasn't really been done.

00:09:35.000 How did you get brought in on this?

00:09:38.000 On which the coaching?

00:09:39.000 Yeah.

00:09:40.000 You know, one day I was, I actually was watching a Martin fight and I saw a lapse in his eyes where he was kind of looking one way and then he was kind of lackadaisical for a minute and he got put away.

00:09:50.000 And I was like, I saw him.

00:09:54.000 After Paul Thiago, I think.

00:09:56.000 It was Paul Tiago.

00:10:00.000 He had a loss.

00:10:01.000 It was his first loss out of his three that he had.

00:10:04.000 He had three, and then he had two wins.

00:10:06.000 Do you know which one that was?

00:10:08.000 I don't really remember.

00:10:09.000 I'll look it up.

00:10:10.000 Well, anyway.

00:10:10.000 Okay, yeah.

00:10:11.000 Yeah, I saw him kind of like get out of the moment.

00:10:13.000 I saw men.

00:10:14.000 I saw, like, I can see it in people's eyes usually, because playing poker, you can kind of see that.

00:10:18.000 And so I contacted him on Facebook, and we met about three months later, and I said, hey, I want to do this.

00:10:24.000 I've never done it.

00:10:25.000 Would you like to be the first?

00:10:26.000 And he said, sure.

00:10:28.000 That's interesting.

00:10:28.000 Now, when you brought up that you saw that to him, did he resist it?

00:10:32.000 Did he agree with you?

00:10:34.000 Because a lot of times this is a hard issue for fighters.

00:10:38.000 They're very emotionally attached to their work.

00:10:41.000 And so if you'll say, hey, man, you got to be careful with the way you keep your chin.

00:10:47.000 Like, you're going to get hit.

00:10:48.000 Like, you have to do something about that.

00:10:50.000 And if you say that, like, they'll get angry at you.

00:10:53.000 And it's almost like they want to keep their chin up to show that you're wrong.

00:10:56.000 That's just their ego.

00:10:57.000 It is a weird thing, though, with fighters.

00:10:59.000 It is.

00:11:00.000 So when you, a guy who is a professional poker player, a non-fighter, goes as far as to say that you saw the actual moment where a guy like Martin Campman, who's a fucking professional killer, you know what I'm saying?

00:11:15.000 I mean, Martin Cam is a bad motherfucker.

00:11:17.000 So for you to bring that up and for him to accept it, first of all, it shows that he's a smart dude.

00:11:17.000 He is.

00:11:22.000 Absolutely.

00:11:23.000 He's a very aware guy, and that's why he's so good.

00:11:27.000 He's been very open.

00:11:28.000 He's able to step outside of himself and learn things that most people wouldn't consider learning.

00:11:33.000 And I think that's really important for growth as a fighter or mentally, whatever you want to call it.

00:11:38.000 Well, he got caught by Johnny Hendrix in his last fight.

00:11:41.000 But you know what, man?

00:11:42.000 First of all, that guy can catch anybody like that.

00:11:44.000 We didn't work together his last fight.

00:11:46.000 We worked for his three-win streak.

00:11:48.000 We worked together and we actually kind of had a disagreement on pricing, so we didn't work together the last fight.

00:11:52.000 Dude, that's a terrible thing to happen.

00:11:54.000 Yeah.

00:11:55.000 Wow.

00:11:56.000 You guys had a disagreement over money?

00:11:59.000 Yeah.

00:11:59.000 You shouldn't say that.

00:12:00.000 We shouldn't talk about what it actually was.

00:12:02.000 It was just a disagreement.

00:12:03.000 Not fair to Mr. Cantman.

00:12:04.000 Sure.

00:12:05.000 No, he's agreeing.

00:12:06.000 But that sucks.

00:12:07.000 Any sexual tension?

00:12:10.000 No, Martin's a stud.

00:12:12.000 What can I say?

00:12:13.000 He just gives in.

00:12:14.000 He just gives in to the feeling.

00:12:15.000 I just let it go.

00:12:16.000 Don't stop believing.

00:12:19.000 Yeah, Campman, I'm a big fan of that dude.

00:12:22.000 I love that fight with Tiago Silva, where he was losing the fight, and Thiago shoots for that takedown.

00:12:31.000 He gets that nasty guillotine, locks it in.

00:12:34.000 That's one thing about Campman.

00:12:35.000 He's a kada kid. 0.94

00:12:37.000 Yeah, he's very, very tough.

00:12:38.000 Just very tough.

00:12:39.000 And people sleep on his technique.

00:12:42.000 Like, his jiu-jitsu is nasty.

00:12:43.000 His jiu-jitsu is just as good as his striking.

00:12:46.000 It's underrated, yeah.

00:12:47.000 And his wrestling sleep.

00:12:49.000 Yeah, his takedown defense is excellent.

00:12:51.000 But like when he fought the dude out of the militich camp, I'm blanking on his name real quick.

00:12:57.000 I'll find it in a second.

00:12:58.000 But The dude has some serious, serious knockout power.

00:13:04.000 And he took him down and submitted him.

00:13:07.000 This is Drew McFedry's.

00:13:08.000 And this is back when he was fighting at 185.

00:13:10.000 Drew McFedries can bang.

00:13:12.000 Yeah, he's got a big guy.

00:13:12.000 He's got scary power.

00:13:14.000 He's got serious, serious power.

00:13:16.000 He never, for whatever reason, never completely put it together.

00:13:19.000 Had some good wins, but never completely could have put it together.

00:13:22.000 But Cantman caught him in an arm triangle and put him to sleep.

00:13:25.000 And that was when Campbell was fighting at 185, you know?

00:13:28.000 He's not even a big 170.

00:13:30.000 No, he's not.

00:13:30.000 He doesn't cut much.

00:13:31.000 No.

00:13:32.000 I mean, those guys, like the really big guys that get down to 170, and you stand next to him, you're like, what the fuck?

00:13:32.000 I mean, you can tell.

00:13:39.000 Like Damian Maya.

00:13:39.000 Yeah, it's like.

00:13:41.000 Dude, Damian Maya's giganti.

00:13:43.000 That guy's really big.

00:13:44.000 Yes, it doesn't even look like it's the same weight class sometimes.

00:13:47.000 I'm just like, whoa, what's going on here?

00:13:48.000 Yeah.

00:13:49.000 Like Tiago Alvez.

00:13:50.000 Tiago Alvez.

00:13:50.000 Oh, my God.

00:13:52.000 He is the brick shithouse.

00:13:54.000 And the dude gets all the way down to 170, and you're like, wow.

00:13:58.000 I don't know.

00:13:59.000 There's a couple of those ATT guys.

00:14:01.000 There's a guy named Glason, Glason T-Bow.

00:14:03.000 Yeah, he's another one.

00:14:04.000 This guy, I am not kidding you, ladies and gentlemen.

00:14:06.000 He looks like he weighs 200 pounds and he's fighting at 155.

00:14:10.000 He's so fucking big.

00:14:13.000 I mean, he might get as high as like 180 come fight time.

00:14:17.000 And then when you're 180 and you're swollen up with blood, like when you're pumped because you're in like a brutal fight and you look at him sometimes, you go, how the fuck is that guy 155?

00:14:27.000 How is that even possible?

00:14:29.000 It's mind-boggling to me at least.

00:14:31.000 Yeah.

00:14:31.000 That's a weird aspect of the sport of MMA.

00:14:34.000 Did you mentally coach him on that as well?

00:14:37.000 Like the weight cutting?

00:14:38.000 No, no.

00:14:39.000 He hardly cuts it.

00:14:40.000 No, see, you were talking earlier about, you know, it's hard to tell a fighter as a killer what to do.

00:14:45.000 But I try to separate the two completely because I'm a big MMA fan.

00:14:48.000 I've watched like every UFC for probably four years.

00:14:50.000 And I can't, like, as much as I want to chime in about technique or whatever, I know that, you know, that's just not my field of expertise.

00:14:59.000 Right, exactly.

00:14:59.000 So I try to keep it separate.

00:15:02.000 So you're just concentrating on them having a winning mindset?

00:15:05.000 Is that what it is?

00:15:06.000 Cultivating a winning mindset.

00:15:07.000 Everything on their mind, I want to get off their mind.

00:15:10.000 I want them to just deal with anything that they might be thinking about, whether it be what's my next.

00:15:15.000 I want them to stay present.

00:15:16.000 I don't want them to think too much about the past or the future.

00:15:19.000 I want them to just be right there for that.

00:15:20.000 And that's the only thing that matters.

00:15:22.000 That's my goal.

00:15:24.000 And how do you address what they normally think about?

00:15:30.000 Sometimes a big one I've always seen with fighters, one of the worst is girlfriend problems.

00:15:36.000 When fighters have girlfriend problems, man, when shit goes bad, that can signify a huge skid in their career. 1.00

00:15:44.000 Sure.

00:15:45.000 Well, you know, both of the fighters are happily married, so that's not an issue for me.

00:15:50.000 But how I would probably tackle it, you know, it's hard to get that stuff off your head.

00:15:54.000 You know, you can feel like that's taking over, you know, when you break up with someone.

00:15:57.000 It just feels like you can't get away from that, you know?

00:15:59.000 And most of the time, it's just because you've never faced it.

00:16:02.000 You've never really faced it down.

00:16:03.000 You kind of just push it aside and put it in the back of your mind.

00:16:06.000 But the way to really do it is just address it.

00:16:08.000 You know, go back to exactly what happened and just deal with it, you know, as a man.

00:16:12.000 And new pussy. 1.00

00:16:13.000 Yeah.

00:16:13.000 That's also very important.

00:16:15.000 You cannot try to like, you know what?

00:16:17.000 I'm just going to get my own shit together.

00:16:18.000 Stop.

00:16:19.000 Go get laid. 1.00

00:16:20.000 What are you crazy?

00:16:21.000 Okay, I'm not saying go fall in love, but go get your freak on.

00:16:25.000 Best medicine ever.

00:16:26.000 Yeah, with someone who would also like to get their freak on with you, okay?

00:16:29.000 Mutually beneficial.

00:16:30.000 That needs to be recognized that it is mutually beneficial, and that's the only reason why it's any good.

00:16:34.000 We don't understand their point of view, and they don't understand our point of view.

00:16:38.000 That's true.

00:16:39.000 And just like medicine, pussy you can die from if you take it with the wrong things. 0.99

00:16:43.000 Yes, you could definitely die.

00:16:45.000 Or just ruin your life and wish you were dead.

00:16:47.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 That's sometimes worse.

00:16:49.000 Yeah.

00:16:50.000 Sometimes worse.

00:16:50.000 Sometimes pussy is worse than suicide.

00:16:52.000 How about that?

00:16:53.000 It's like the red dye and the jelly bean.

00:16:54.000 Yeah, we all know that one dude who just can't keep it together when it comes to girls.

00:16:58.000 You know, the guys that are like chicks dominate their life and yell at them and tell them what to do. 1.00

00:17:03.000 It's a spooky thing when you see that kind of shit happen.

00:17:06.000 Well, it becomes really real for them, right?

00:17:08.000 I mean, like, I try to think of it as like, it's not that serious, really.

00:17:11.000 In the scheme of things, it's not really that serious.

00:17:13.000 It is to them in that moment.

00:17:14.000 In that moment, it is.

00:17:15.000 They have separation anxiety.

00:17:16.000 And it's just as bad, of course, for women that are involved with crazy, fucked up men, too, that are trying to dominate your life. 0.69

00:17:23.000 Probably even more worse because it's scary physically.

00:17:27.000 Like, the threat of physical violence is much more prevalent.

00:17:30.000 Especially if they try to tell you what to do with your life and their life is kind of in shambles.

00:17:34.000 Like, a lot of people want to give advice, you know, when they don't have their shit together.

00:17:37.000 Yeah, this is hilarious, but this is related on Twitter today.

00:17:41.000 Some dude sent me some thing on Twitter, like some douchey comment about how I need to behave.

00:17:50.000 And so I was like, you know, that I need to take a dose of my own medicine or something like that.

00:17:57.000 One of those sort of things.

00:17:58.000 So I go and look at his Twitter profile real quick.

00:18:00.000 And his last tweet was about how he was depressed coming off of a Coke binge.

00:18:08.000 And I'm like, do you think that you should be giving advice to someone about how they should think?

00:18:16.000 Where 30 seconds ago you were talking about coming off of a Coke binge?

00:18:20.000 Come off your Coke binge first.

00:18:21.000 Then maybe you can say something.

00:18:22.000 Yeah, that doesn't seem like the type of person should be giving that advice.

00:18:26.000 I found out that liquid Coke is, you know how the liquid Coke they're using?

00:18:30.000 That they're also using it because girls could put it in them and squirt it in their pussies before sex and their buttholes. 1.00

00:18:35.000 And it numbs it down so you can just go to town on it.

00:18:38.000 What?

00:18:39.000 Yeah.

00:18:39.000 And if you put it in your dick hole, it feels like you have the biggest dick hole in the whole entire road.

00:18:44.000 Like the whole bone is just going to slide out like a hot dog.

00:18:47.000 Oh man, that sounds terrible.

00:18:50.000 You just gave people an idea.

00:18:56.000 Could you imagine getting so fucked up with regular sex?

00:18:59.000 Do you want to shoot Coke in your dick?

00:19:01.000 Like, yeah, regular sex just not do it for me anymore, man.

00:19:04.000 But I found the tubes up my ass.

00:19:07.000 The hardest part is getting that first part, like stretching your whole, like to fit the whole nose thing of the nose spray.

00:19:13.000 Is that what you would use, a nasal spray?

00:19:15.000 Yeah, nasal spray.

00:19:16.000 And I guess it's saline salutin, so it's used for your eyes, so your dick cries all the time, so it's fine.

00:19:21.000 But then eventually their pussy and asshole is going to stop being numb, and then they're going to be in horrible pain. 0.99

00:19:27.000 They're probably going to have infections and shit. 0.67

00:19:29.000 That's all I would be thinking about while we're doing it.

00:19:31.000 I'd be like, she can't even feel this.

00:19:32.000 Well, Joey Diaz says it just cleans it right out.

00:19:35.000 Joey Diaz says that.

00:19:36.000 First of all, Joey Diaz is not even a human.

00:19:39.000 What are you saying?

00:19:40.000 Like the laws that apply to normal humans.

00:19:43.000 Just think about what Joey has done, and here he is, fine, healthy, still alive, and made a baby recently.

00:19:48.000 Now, stop and think about the average human being, if they had to go through Joey Diaz's life.

00:19:53.000 If you had to go through Joey Diaz's life and take all the drugs that he took, find yourself in all the situations you find, good luck reaching 50.

00:20:01.000 Good luck reaching where Joey is.

00:20:03.000 You can't.

00:20:04.000 So he's not even human.

00:20:07.000 If you gave Joey Diaz's life to 100 people, 99 would be dead.

00:20:12.000 That's a fact.

00:20:14.000 What if Joey Diaz was a robot and when he goes home, his whole body opens up and the smaller little Jewish guy comes out and goes, hey, how's it going? 0.99

00:20:20.000 I got a baby.

00:20:23.000 That's why his stomach is so hard.

00:20:25.000 Because his stomach is like a knee.

00:20:27.000 you touch Joey's stomach.

00:20:31.000 You hug them and they're really big.

00:20:32.000 They just give into you.

00:20:33.000 Joey Diaz, you run into him and it's like thump.

00:20:36.000 Are you saying it feels like you're sitting on a really hard rock?

00:20:39.000 I'm saying if he's on one side of the plane, you should sit on the other to balance that bitch out. 1.00

00:20:43.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:20:44.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:20:46.000 Okay?

00:20:48.000 Joey Diaz is a solid dude.

00:20:52.000 He's not just fat.

00:20:53.000 He's a solid guy.

00:20:55.000 And his head is gigantic.

00:20:57.000 Yes.

00:20:57.000 Which is a problem.

00:20:58.000 You try to lose some weight.

00:21:00.000 That's a weird thing with dudes.

00:21:02.000 My friend Justin, a giant dude.

00:21:04.000 And I looked at the size of his head.

00:21:06.000 I'm like, that is also a giant head.

00:21:07.000 Like, if that was on a normal person's body.

00:21:10.000 Like, when you get really big, if you get like, you know, certain dudes, they get like incredibly obese.

00:21:18.000 Well, everything grows.

00:21:20.000 And then when they bring their body in, when they lose the weight, it looks very strange.

00:21:25.000 It's like, what's going on?

00:21:26.000 Like, why is his head so big?

00:21:27.000 Like, what's it because I'm used to this giant body and it's just unusual for me?

00:21:32.000 Or what's going on here?

00:21:35.000 That's a sad thing, though, when you see someone who's lost their marble so bad that they eat themselves into oblivion.

00:21:42.000 When you read about people that get stuck in trailers and they've got to cut a hole through the wall to pull their couch out and they're like embedded into the couch, it's fucked to know that people can go that far off the rails.

00:21:53.000 Do you ever watch Dr. Oz?

00:21:55.000 I've watched it before.

00:21:57.000 What do you think about him?

00:21:58.000 He's not that bad, right?

00:21:58.000 He's pretty interesting.

00:21:59.000 He seems like he's pretty legit.

00:22:00.000 He seems like a nice guy.

00:22:01.000 It doesn't seem like he's a bad guy.

00:22:04.000 As long as they're not super judgmental and tough guyy, like Dr. Phil is on occasion.

00:22:14.000 I don't like that attitude.

00:22:16.000 Like if you really want to help people, you need to get your act together.

00:22:21.000 That's not how you help people, stupid.

00:22:23.000 You know, that's nonsense.

00:22:25.000 You're doing berating them on television.

00:22:27.000 But he doesn't seem like that kind of a doctor.

00:22:29.000 So yeah, he's a medical doctor, an actual real doctor, right?

00:22:33.000 I was just watching Dr. Oz.

00:22:35.000 I've never seen it before.

00:22:36.000 It got really baked.

00:22:37.000 And he has this thing like, you know, everyone, three out of four people are super tired.

00:22:42.000 And it's because they don't have enough of this one medicine or nutrient or whatever the fuck it is.

00:22:48.000 And they brought up these three women.

00:22:51.000 This woman was, he's like, I can fix all your shit using this one thing that you have to take every day, multiple times a day. 1.00

00:22:57.000 And they're like, well, it's because I have four kids and I have to wake up every morning at six and do this and this and this.

00:23:01.000 And it's a vitamin.

00:23:02.000 It's magnesium.

00:23:03.000 Wow.

00:23:05.000 And on it should get on top of magnesium because he said the thing is that you don't have it in daily multi-vitamins because it would be so big of a pill because you have to take it all day long.

00:23:14.000 So you have to get out of food.

00:23:15.000 And there's like certain food like bananas, spinach, quinoa, and all that stuff that has a high amount of it in it.

00:23:23.000 But if you don't have any of that, you're just running on empty and your body has to like freak out.

00:23:26.000 And that's when you get irritable.

00:23:27.000 That's when you're just like tired and fatigued all the time.

00:23:30.000 And I don't know if there's a way to have magnesium every day easy, but it seems like that's a big thing.

00:23:37.000 Yeah, I take it at night.

00:23:38.000 I take a ZMA.

00:23:39.000 That's the stuff that Victor Conte got.

00:23:42.000 Also says, is a natural testosterone booster?

00:23:45.000 One of the most effective ones.

00:23:46.000 I take that every night.

00:23:47.000 And he sent me a case.

00:23:47.000 I take it every night, too.

00:23:48.000 Thank you.

00:23:49.000 I didn't take it last night, so I'm lying.

00:23:51.000 I can't say every night.

00:23:52.000 And it's great if you're sick.

00:23:53.000 Sometimes I forget.

00:23:54.000 And it's great if you're sick.

00:23:55.000 And some of the ZMAs have, you know, tryptophan or not tryptophan, something else.

00:24:00.000 L-tryptophan is that it's possible that they could have that in there.

00:24:03.000 You know, everybody makes their own little nutritional supplement sort of concoctions.

00:24:08.000 But yeah, zinc is also, it's like, it's a healthy mineral.

00:24:14.000 You know, it's like your body should have it anyway.

00:24:17.000 You know, we should, there's a lot of shit that we should take, man, that we don't take.

00:24:20.000 Most people just like barely get the amount of required daily vitamins in their diet.

00:24:25.000 And most people are not taking vitamin supplements.

00:24:27.000 And most people are not eating that much vegetables either.

00:24:29.000 I'm like, man, you are rolling the fucking dice with your body.

00:24:32.000 You know, you got to give your body nutrients.

00:24:35.000 If you don't give your body nutrients, it just fucking misfires.

00:24:38.000 And why intelligent people neglect that, to me, it drives me nuts.

00:24:43.000 Because you can do both.

00:24:45.000 You've seen me eat.

00:24:46.000 I'll eat shit.

00:24:46.000 I eat shit.

00:24:47.000 I'll eat cheeseburgers.

00:24:48.000 I'll go off.

00:24:49.000 But I also supplement the fuck out of everything.

00:24:52.000 I make sure I'm always taking vitamins.

00:24:54.000 And for the most part, when I'm not eating a fucking pastrami sandwich, I will eat like really healthy.

00:25:00.000 So I'll allow myself these like french fry binges and shit.

00:25:05.000 But for the most part, I'm eating really healthy.

00:25:07.000 But if you're really stone watching Dr. Oz, you're like, okay, this woman says she eats healthy as heck.

00:25:12.000 She has the greatest diet ever.

00:25:13.000 She's just tired all the time.

00:25:14.000 And the other girl is like, no, I have 15 kids. 0.93

00:25:16.000 I eat normal.

00:25:17.000 Like, I probably have enough magnesium.

00:25:19.000 It's probably not magnesium.

00:25:20.000 I'm not like a 25-year-old crack addict, you know?

00:25:23.000 And he just blew it off, like, you know, all right.

00:25:25.000 See, magnesium was the secret.

00:25:26.000 And then he moves on to this next girl.

00:25:28.000 She's like, I can't poop. 1.00

00:25:29.000 I try everything.

00:25:30.000 I try yogurts.

00:25:31.000 I try fruit and stuff like that.

00:25:32.000 And he goes, well, you need to try live culture yogurt and raspberries.

00:25:35.000 And she's just like, I just said I've tried yogurt and fruits and stuff like that.

00:25:39.000 And it was just like, move on.

00:25:40.000 I'm Dr. Oz.

00:25:41.000 Go to Dr. Cal.

00:25:43.000 And it's just a bunch of little fails.

00:25:45.000 Like, he has good advice.

00:25:46.000 But the show's just a bunch of little fails over and over again.

00:25:49.000 I highly recommend watching Dr. Oz Superstone.

00:25:52.000 Oh, wow.

00:25:53.000 Nice.

00:25:53.000 I wonder if there's like a collection of Dr. Oz's fails that are online.

00:25:58.000 And it's not like half the time it's the people even say anything.

00:25:58.000 That sounds a little bit more.

00:26:01.000 You can just tell by their faces.

00:26:02.000 They're like, I just told you fruit and, you know.

00:26:07.000 I think I got something wrong.

00:26:08.000 There could be something really wrong with you.

00:26:10.000 some people they have to do poop transplants.

00:26:13.000 Have you heard of this?

00:26:13.000 Where you take my poop and put it in your butt?

00:26:15.000 Yeah.

00:26:15.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:26:16.000 Yes.

00:26:16.000 Forever.

00:26:17.000 Yes.

00:26:17.000 Back and forth.

00:26:18.000 I'm not joking.

00:26:19.000 I wonder if whether they do it between family members?

00:26:22.000 That's a really interesting question.

00:26:25.000 But it is true. 0.90

00:26:26.000 It really is true.

00:26:27.000 They do fecal transplants.

00:26:29.000 What do they think of next?

00:26:31.000 I think it fucking saves people's lives, man.

00:26:34.000 Really?

00:26:34.000 Yeah, man.

00:26:35.000 Science is a motherfucker, isn't it?

00:26:37.000 They're always coming up with some incredible shit that just makes you go, how did this even happen?

00:26:43.000 Well, I always find it interesting to look back and be like, oh, well, 20 years ago or whatever, a long time ago, lobotomies were considered normal, right?

00:26:51.000 Like how it changes, how science changes.

00:26:53.000 Like, oh, our bad.

00:26:54.000 Yeah, that's not good.

00:26:55.000 We can't really do that anymore.

00:26:57.000 I would like to think that we're way past that.

00:26:59.000 I would like to think that we're way past the lobotomy stage.

00:27:04.000 I would like to think that they pretty much know exactly what everything does as far as what the negative health benefit or repercussions are.

00:27:13.000 But then you see pharmaceutical drugs and you find out that's not really the case.

00:27:16.000 You see every week some new thing gets fucking yanked off the shelves for all kinds of.

00:27:22.000 I mean, they do a lot of good, though, too.

00:27:25.000 I mean, there's a lot of people that are alive because of pharmaceutical drugs.

00:27:29.000 There's a lot of people that have illnesses and it literally keeps them alive.

00:27:34.000 I had back surgery a couple years ago and the pain pills they have are amazing.

00:27:38.000 Oh shit, tell me.

00:27:41.000 No, after I healed up, I got off them, but like before that.

00:27:46.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:48.000 Actually, no, I tried to get off him.

00:27:50.000 Here's what happened.

00:27:51.000 I tried to quit cold turkey and I got physically ill.

00:27:54.000 Like my whole body just felt like I wanted to die.

00:27:56.000 And I was like, oh, I was like, all right, I better wean myself off instead.

00:27:59.000 So I just did like two and then one and then half.

00:28:02.000 What specifically were you taking?

00:28:03.000 Hydrocodone, I think it was.

00:28:05.000 Hydrocodone.

00:28:06.000 Is that the same as oxycontin?

00:28:08.000 Or, oh, sorry, oxycodone is what it's called.

00:28:10.000 And maybe, it sounds kind of similar.

00:28:11.000 I don't know.

00:28:12.000 I'm not a doctor.

00:28:13.000 Yeah, those, it's an opiate-based.

00:28:15.000 Yeah, opiate-based, yeah.

00:28:16.000 But that will mess your body. 1.00

00:28:18.000 Like, I can understand why people get addicted.

00:28:20.000 Yeah.

00:28:20.000 Because, like I said, I tried to get off and it just, my whole body was like wanting to die.

00:28:24.000 It felt like.

00:28:25.000 So it just, you, you, it gets attached to your skin.

00:28:28.000 Yeah, basically.

00:28:29.000 Kind of like, you know, that Spider-Man villain?

00:28:29.000 Yeah.

00:28:32.000 The black venom, right?

00:28:32.000 What was that?

00:28:33.000 Yeah.

00:28:34.000 Like, it just kind of on you.

00:28:34.000 Sort of like that.

00:28:36.000 Isn't it crazy that they just trust that people are going to have the willpower to get through those?

00:28:41.000 I mean, it is crazy.

00:28:43.000 It's crazy.

00:28:43.000 It's nuts.

00:28:44.000 It's nuts that they're allowing people to become junkies.

00:28:47.000 Like, literally anything like that that can get a normal It's a mental issue.

00:28:55.000 Personality, yeah.

00:28:56.000 It's a mental issue.

00:28:57.000 But there's a physical addiction is a completely different story.

00:29:02.000 You're not talking about some weird thing like washing your hands or playing poker.

00:29:05.000 You're talking about something crazy where you've gotten your body physically addicted.

00:29:10.000 Like it needs this for its new system.

00:29:13.000 This is the system.

00:29:14.000 The system has heroin in it.

00:29:15.000 It's heroin in it.

00:29:17.000 It's like you have some business chick who's a clip who's got a clipboard in her hand and she's like leading on a tour through your body. 1.00

00:29:23.000 We started incorporated heroin three years ago.

00:29:25.000 Without it, we die.

00:29:27.000 So this is where the heroin comes in.

00:29:29.000 These are holes.

00:29:30.000 This is called gangrene.

00:29:30.000 See this?

00:29:31.000 This is what happens when you don't tend to your holes.

00:29:34.000 You get someone hooked on something like that.

00:29:36.000 It's so hard for them to stop.

00:29:39.000 It's why it's the most evil thing in the world to be selling things like that, knowing that you don't have to.

00:29:46.000 Knowing that there must be alternatives.

00:29:49.000 I understand there's some people that are in intense pain, especially people that are about to die, and maybe it'd be good for that.

00:29:54.000 Sure.

00:29:54.000 But for the most part, most people don't need it.

00:29:57.000 Shouldn't give them that.

00:29:58.000 They don't need it.

00:29:58.000 No, most people don't eat it.

00:30:00.000 Yeah.

00:30:01.000 So how did you injure your back?

00:30:04.000 It was like a genetic thing.

00:30:07.000 Basically, like I had a polynidal cyst on my tailbone, so I had to get it like a 12-inch portion of my back taken out.

00:30:14.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:14.000 It sucked.

00:30:15.000 Yeah.

00:30:15.000 It's all healed now, but it was terrible for like six months.

00:30:18.000 So you were a foot taller than you are now?

00:30:20.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:30:21.000 I was actually eight feet and six inches.

00:30:23.000 I haven't seen it with you in three years, and you're like a foot shorter.

00:30:25.000 Yeah, they wouldn't let me play in the NBA anymore.

00:30:30.000 So is this how you got involved with mind over body type shit in the first place?

00:30:40.000 Because you wear that whole John Sarno type thing.

00:30:43.000 No.

00:30:44.000 John Sarno's this guy.

00:30:44.000 What's that?

00:30:45.000 Oh, the doctor that believes there's a mind-body connection with back injuries and shit like that.

00:30:51.000 Have you ever heard of that?

00:30:52.000 Yes, I have that.

00:30:52.000 Now I remember.

00:30:54.000 What do you believe?

00:30:54.000 I believe it.

00:30:55.000 I believe it.

00:30:55.000 You do?

00:30:56.000 Yeah.

00:30:56.000 I think I feel like I didn't have much support back then.

00:31:01.000 And I think that's what the back is.

00:31:02.000 It's support in your life.

00:31:03.000 You know what I mean?

00:31:04.000 So for me, it's real.

00:31:07.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:31:08.000 That's how I feel at least.

00:31:09.000 So you have this injury.

00:31:11.000 You have it repaired.

00:31:12.000 And how long did it take before you were like 100% after that?

00:31:12.000 Yeah.

00:31:15.000 It was like five months of basically nothingness.

00:31:20.000 I'll be asking you all these questions because I just discovered recently I have a bulging disc.

00:31:24.000 So I have a bulging disc in my back.

00:31:26.000 It's hot.

00:31:26.000 It's not bad.

00:31:27.000 It sounds hot.

00:31:29.000 It's not really bad.

00:31:30.000 Like I can still do, I can do kickboxing, no problem.

00:31:33.000 I do all these strength and conditioning exercises, no problem.

00:31:36.000 My problem only comes when I do jiu-jitsu and I get my head yanked on.

00:31:40.000 Yeah, I was going to say, when you're defending from something, it's because it's in like the middle of my back.

00:31:45.000 And it's, I also found out that my posture is dog shit.

00:31:49.000 Most people's already.

00:31:50.000 So I'm trying to sit up straight.

00:31:52.000 It's like I sit like this all the time.

00:31:54.000 And apparently that's bad.

00:31:55.000 I'm the exact same way.

00:31:56.000 And I feel like I don't like doing this because it feels like I'm just putting out my boobs to all the boys.

00:31:59.000 I'm trying to look sexy.

00:32:00.000 Yeah, especially I'm trying to look less douchey.

00:32:03.000 Not more douchey.

00:32:04.000 This makes me look more douchey, like sitting straight up.

00:32:07.000 Like I can be more chill like this.

00:32:09.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:32:10.000 But this is like way better for your body to sit straight.

00:32:13.000 But then someone said this is John Sarno book and then I should read it.

00:32:17.000 So I shouldn't really shouldn't comment until I read it.

00:32:20.000 But I'm not in pain like all the time.

00:32:22.000 It's a weird thing to try to describe to people.

00:32:25.000 Because it's like saying, well, it only hurts when I do jiu-jitsu.

00:32:27.000 They just say, don't do jiu-jitsu.

00:32:28.000 I know exactly what you're saying.

00:32:29.000 But Don't do jiu-jitsu is not really that much of an option for me.

00:32:32.000 It's been annoying that I haven't been able to do it regularly for the past five months while this thing's been healing up.

00:32:38.000 So I'm trying all sorts of different ways.

00:32:39.000 But I know it's a real injury.

00:32:41.000 Like, that's the weird thing.

00:32:42.000 Like, when someone says it's like, you know, it's in your mind, man.

00:32:45.000 Well, it may manifest itself.

00:32:46.000 Yeah, I think it's like it may manifest itself if you're thinking about it or you have issues in that area.

00:32:50.000 But who knows?

00:32:51.000 I mean, that sounds really smart, though, because it manifested itself defending a triangle.

00:32:55.000 Like, if a guy was trying to fucking tap me, and I'm trying to get out, and I'm using my back and muscles.

00:33:00.000 That's where it manifested itself.

00:33:02.000 Right, right, right.

00:33:04.000 I'm not like being defensive, and there's John Sarno fans will jump in right now and go, come on, man, you're not even giving a fucking chance.

00:33:10.000 You said that you didn't even.

00:33:12.000 I will read the book, and I will read the book with a 100% open mind.

00:33:16.000 But you can't tell me that that injury happened because of my mind or that there's pain because of my mind, because I'm not really like a weirdo.

00:33:24.000 And I'm not buying that shit, all right?

00:33:26.000 I don't have this like self-hating thing going on.

00:33:30.000 I don't have any tension as far as my life goes that I'm carrying in my back.

00:33:34.000 No, I tried to get out of something and I hurt my back.

00:33:37.000 Like, this is like tissue, and it tears.

00:33:37.000 Sure.

00:33:40.000 So that's where, like, scientists go fucking bananas.

00:33:42.000 And a lot of medical doctors that replace discs, they go bananas when they hear this shit.

00:33:46.000 Like, listen, bitch, you got bone on bone. 1.00

00:33:49.000 You don't have a disc anymore.

00:33:50.000 You're gonna be in pain, period.

00:33:53.000 Like, no matter what this guy says in his wacky book, if you have, like, a real physical injury.

00:33:57.000 Yeah, back injuries are tricky, man.

00:33:59.000 They're the worst, I think, because it's like...

00:34:18.000 And your body is just one physical manifestation of you creating your own life, which I'm not willing to argue with.

00:34:26.000 It may be very well the case.

00:34:28.000 But if you want to carry the logic of thinking that your mind controls pain and actual injuries aren't real or are created by your own mind, well, you got to carry that all the way, bitch. 1.00

00:34:39.000 You got to take that all the way and say the universe is something that you're creating in your own mind.

00:34:43.000 Because you're talking about physical reality being manifested by the imagination and your intent.

00:34:48.000 Okay, well, just because it's your body doesn't mean it's any less crazy voodoo talk. 0.98

00:34:52.000 That's still crazy voodoo talk.

00:34:54.000 And I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'm saying if you believe that, you really should take it to the utmost and say, well, we're living in a fucking dream.

00:35:01.000 Okay, life is your imagination manifested in some sort of a representation of a true form, but there is no true form behind it.

00:35:09.000 We're getting deep.

00:35:10.000 Well, that's the only way you can fucking tell me that your emotions and your mind is why you have a back pain.

00:35:18.000 Like, maybe you got hit by a car, bitch. 1.00

00:35:20.000 Okay?

00:35:21.000 You know, that's all possible too.

00:35:23.000 Like, this idea that this physical manifestation is because of your intent and because of your mind, because of your emotions.

00:35:32.000 If that is even at all possible, then you've got to take that all the way.

00:35:37.000 That means your physical intent is probably controlling everything.

00:35:40.000 It's probably not just controlling your body.

00:35:42.000 It's probably controlling your environment as well.

00:35:44.000 If it's controlling your environment, how much of everything outside of it is real?

00:35:48.000 That's a good question.

00:35:50.000 It's a great question.

00:35:51.000 I mean, I put this online, and a lot of people gave me a lot of really good advice.

00:35:57.000 So I wanted to thank them, especially dudes on the underground.

00:35:59.000 Gave me a lot of mixedmartial arts.com, the underground forum.

00:36:03.000 They gave me a lot of great advice on how to rehab and Pilates seems to come up a lot.

00:36:09.000 Yoga seems to come up a lot.

00:36:10.000 And that book seems to come up a lot as well.

00:36:12.000 So I'm going to check it out.

00:36:13.000 Travolta Backrubs.

00:36:14.000 Travolta backrubs are fucking uncomfortable because you never know when his dick's coming out.

00:36:18.000 You know, if Travolta would say, hey, let me rub you, which is what his move was.

00:36:22.000 Do you know that?

00:36:23.000 That was one of the moves that he would do on the guys.

00:36:25.000 Yeah, I'm a fucking aficionado of Travolta backrub lore.

00:36:29.000 Not that I'm hating the guy.

00:36:30.000 And I say, listen, man, you knew what the fuck you were getting into.

00:36:32.000 If you're a professional backrub guy and you guys don't have like a website or something, we can go and tell about which guys want to get jerked off, okay?

00:36:41.000 If you don't have that by now and Travolta's been coming to you for 20 years, that's on you, okay?

00:36:46.000 You guys need to either accept the job, you know what he wants, he wants you to jerk him off.

00:36:51.000 That's just John Trovers.

00:36:52.000 You saw it pulp fiction.

00:36:53.000 Jerk him off. 0.51

00:36:54.000 Just jerk him off.

00:36:55.000 I didn't talk about my back rub I had the other day.

00:36:58.000 You shouldn't talk about that.

00:36:59.000 Yeah, I shouldn't talk about that?

00:37:00.000 No.

00:37:01.000 No.

00:37:01.000 That's awesome.

00:37:02.000 The one that was in San Diego.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, things can get closed down.

00:37:06.000 Yeah, the one in San Diego.

00:37:09.000 Right in the border.

00:37:11.000 Don't tell that story.

00:37:12.000 That story is a story.

00:37:13.000 We've got to be careful about talking about illegal shit as this patriotic shit.

00:37:17.000 Hey, it's made up.

00:37:18.000 I'm making it a picture of that.

00:37:20.000 We have to say that.

00:37:21.000 Every story we tell.

00:37:22.000 Allegedly.

00:37:22.000 From now on, allegedly.

00:37:24.000 I know.

00:37:24.000 Well, what if I say allegedly?

00:37:25.000 It's kind of cool.

00:37:26.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:37:28.000 Okay, just stop it right now.

00:37:30.000 I didn't know that existed.

00:37:31.000 So who are you working with right now?

00:37:34.000 What fighters are you working with right now?

00:37:35.000 Just Kung Lee.

00:37:36.000 And I'm talking to Martin a little bit now.

00:37:39.000 And when you started working with Martin, he was the first guy?

00:37:42.000 First guy.

00:37:42.000 Yeah.

00:37:43.000 I just said, hey, you know, I've never done this before.

00:37:44.000 I kind of want to experiment on somebody.

00:37:46.000 What made you want to reach out to a fighter and devise a...

00:37:53.000 It's the purest form of competition there is, I think, right now.

00:37:56.000 So that's why I love it because I'm very competitive.

00:37:59.000 I grew up playing games and video games.

00:38:02.000 And poker is obviously a perfect choice for my lifestyle now.

00:38:07.000 But I don't know.

00:38:08.000 I just felt like doing something different, man.

00:38:12.000 Just trying something new, creating something out of nothing.

00:38:16.000 And Martin Camp is just like, fuck it.

00:38:18.000 I mean, like, what did you say specifically that really knocked him on his ass?

00:38:22.000 Because, like I said, smart dude.

00:38:23.000 Smart dude.

00:38:24.000 Tough guy.

00:38:25.000 Very successful fighter.

00:38:27.000 Like, what did you say to him?

00:38:28.000 I told him I saw a champion inside of him and I wanted to be part of bringing it up.

00:38:31.000 See, I would think you were trying to fuck me. 0.99

00:38:33.000 Wouldn't you say?

00:38:34.000 Wouldn't you say that?

00:38:35.000 It's like hanging out with me.

00:38:36.000 Yeah.

00:38:36.000 Martin Campman.

00:38:37.000 Let me come over and get some Chardonnay.

00:38:39.000 We can just get back massages.

00:38:42.000 Yeah, it doesn't seem like you would just assume that some butt sex was going on.

00:38:47.000 You know, maybe Martin Campman just thought of it as a sparring session.

00:38:51.000 Like, this dude's going to come on my house trying to get some butt sex. 1.00

00:38:53.000 I'm going to light him up.

00:38:54.000 Fuck it.

00:38:55.000 And along the way, he actually got some great advice.

00:38:58.000 It could be like an ABC after school special.

00:39:01.000 Yeah.

00:39:01.000 He thought he was going to get some free sparring in.

00:39:04.000 I told him I wasn't going to talk about that on the podcast.

00:39:07.000 About the butt sex part? 0.63

00:39:09.000 we've already established that everything we say is fiction.

00:39:12.000 So don't worry about it, Martin.

00:39:12.000 Yeah.

00:39:13.000 Your secret's safe with us.

00:39:15.000 Did he have big areolas, that guy?

00:39:17.000 No, he's a girl.

00:39:18.000 If it's got big area, he's a boy, rather.

00:39:21.000 No.

00:39:22.000 Only big areolas are girls. 1.00

00:39:23.000 No, there's some Puerto Ricans. 0.93

00:39:25.000 There's a few cute girls. 0.63

00:39:26.000 Have you ever seen a man with really big areolas?

00:39:28.000 Joey Diaz.

00:39:29.000 Oh, he's just.

00:39:30.000 Oh, my God.

00:39:31.000 Are you kidding?

00:39:31.000 They're as big as your face.

00:39:34.000 His areolas could, yeah, you could wear them as a mask and rob a bank.

00:39:38.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:39:39.000 Yeah.

00:39:40.000 He's a big boy.

00:39:41.000 Imagine wearing a bike helmet with his areolas on the sides.

00:39:44.000 What's the biggest areolas you've ever seen on a girl? 1.00

00:39:47.000 Oh, there was this one.

00:39:48.000 Oh, it was a sad story that somebody sent me the other day.

00:39:51.000 It's this girl that was a Playboy model in the 70s, like, or 80s.

00:39:56.000 And she was super famous, very beautiful.

00:39:59.000 And she recently died in San Francisco, like on the streets as a homeless person and stuff.

00:40:04.000 And it just shows her how she used to look and imagine her life going there in 20 years or whatever it was.

00:40:10.000 You know what's fucked up?

00:40:11.000 Somewhere in her life, some guy probably, if not said it, at least thought, I hope that bitch winds up old and homeless and living on the street with no one to love her. 1.00

00:40:23.000 I hope she dies in a car accident.

00:40:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:40:25.000 Oh, don't say that.

00:40:27.000 Someone wished that to Brian.

00:40:28.000 I was just like, yeah, that sounds so rude.

00:40:30.000 So silly.

00:40:32.000 You should hope no one ever dies ever in a car accident for the rest of time.

00:40:36.000 Oh, that's great.

00:40:37.000 Show your reptilian skin, lady. 1.00

00:40:39.000 But whatever.

00:40:42.000 Yeah, putting that kind of intent.

00:40:43.000 Oh, did you hear about Lindsey Lohan?

00:40:45.000 He's really pissed off at the scary movie 5 trailer that just had.

00:40:49.000 It has Charlie Sheen in it.

00:40:51.000 And let me tell you something.

00:40:52.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:40:53.000 Yeah, but Cat Williams is in this trailer, and it makes me wonder if this whole Cat Williams thing was some brilliant fucking marketing thing.

00:41:01.000 Because if you look at it, it's like a minute trailer.

00:41:03.000 You want to look at it, and Cat Williams is in it.

00:41:05.000 If you want to play it, look, I'm a big Cat Williams fan, and when I see Cat Williams getting in trouble and all this shit, you know why that drives me nuts?

00:41:13.000 Because I want to hear some new stand-up.

00:41:15.000 I think that guy's a brilliant comedian.

00:41:17.000 He's one of my favorites.

00:41:18.000 So when I see him, it makes me sad.

00:41:20.000 I don't take any joy in watching that guy fall apart.

00:41:22.000 Eric, check this out.

00:41:23.000 If he's falling apart.

00:41:24.000 But if it's all fake, good.

00:41:26.000 Let's see if it's...

00:41:30.000 I don't think he would ever do that to his fans if it was all fake.

00:41:34.000 I think he's having Kendra.

00:41:38.000 What?

00:41:40.000 There's someone out there.

00:41:43.000 Front door.

00:41:44.000 Front door.

00:41:44.000 Open.

00:41:45.000 Open.

00:41:46.000 Okay.

00:41:46.000 Front door.

00:41:47.000 Okay, there you go.

00:41:49.000 I want you to stay calm.

00:41:51.000 Shut the hell up. 0.82

00:41:52.000 No need for that, bitch. 1.00

00:41:54.000 Bitch! 1.00

00:41:58.000 Who's the kids baby in the world?

00:41:59.000 Little baby ADA.

00:42:01.000 Oh, geez.

00:42:02.000 Something paranormal in this house.

00:42:03.000 Stop right now for a second.

00:42:04.000 Stop.

00:42:06.000 This movie could give you AIDS. 0.70

00:42:08.000 Yeah.

00:42:08.000 Okay.

00:42:09.000 You might get AIDS just watching this trailer.

00:42:11.000 I know.

00:42:12.000 This might be the worst movie ever.

00:42:14.000 Tell me if you think this is really Leonardo DiCaprio 2.

00:42:16.000 Oh, of course it is.

00:42:17.000 And you think it is?

00:42:20.000 It starts off so loony-tooned and like it doesn't.

00:42:22.000 This trailer starts off really shitty.

00:42:24.000 Then it gets kind of interesting.

00:42:33.000 Hey, this is stealing!

00:42:36.000 Demon's got my fist, man. 0.70

00:42:38.000 The mystery.

00:42:40.000 We're going to get to the bottom of this quick.

00:42:41.000 I was told you needed a dream extraction.

00:42:44.000 This tube goes in your mouth, and the other one goes in your rectum. 0.99

00:42:47.000 Okay.

00:42:48.000 Zen, hang on.

00:42:49.000 I'm sorry.

00:42:50.000 That one goes in your mouth and the other one goes in your rectum. 1.00

00:42:53.000 How do you use a witch? 0.95

00:42:54.000 Well, that's simple.

00:42:55.000 Who wants to hurt you?

00:42:57.000 What time is it?

00:42:58.000 Ballet time.

00:42:59.000 This nigga told me a witch is out to get me. 1.00

00:43:01.000 There's always some ballerina who won't give up the spotlight. 1.00

00:43:04.000 I danced the swan when I was pregnant with you.

00:43:10.000 This is not ballet.

00:43:12.000 Show the hell ain't some security footage that the old owner is.

00:43:16.000 Whoa, stop this right now.

00:43:18.000 This is madness.

00:43:21.000 This part's the craziest.

00:43:22.000 And this is what Lindsay Lohen.

00:43:24.000 Okay, Charlie Sheen is in bed with Lindsay Lowe.

00:43:26.000 So Lindsay Lowen's not mad that she's getting portrayed as fucking Charlie Sheen. 1.00

00:43:29.000 Let's just say, by the way.

00:43:31.000 Is this like what she had to do to get payback? 1.00

00:43:33.000 Is this not Lindsay?

00:43:34.000 This is Lindsay Lowen.

00:43:35.000 This is Charlie Sheen.

00:43:36.000 And Charlie Sheen just paid Lindsay's taxes. 0.79

00:43:38.000 I don't know if you've been following that whole Charlie Sheen thing.

00:43:40.000 No.

00:43:41.000 So maybe this is payback.

00:43:42.000 She has to do this film, but they fucking own her because they originally said in this scene that the joke is that... 0.89

00:43:50.000 I promise I'm not.

00:43:51.000 I'm not working for the Olive Garden.

00:43:52.000 I'm not working for this movie.

00:43:55.000 But then I guess they originally said it was supposed to be for Herbie.

00:43:58.000 Herbie's supposed to be on the TV and they changed it to her court sessions to watch.

00:44:08.000 There's nothing to be scared of.

00:44:09.000 There's nothing to be scared of.

00:44:15.000 I gotta call you back, man.

00:44:20.000 But see, I guess that was.

00:44:24.000 I've come back from worse than this.

00:44:26.000 Get up!

00:44:27.000 Oh my god, that looks bad.

00:44:29.000 Horrible.

00:44:30.000 Charlie Sheen is the scariest thing in that clip.

00:44:33.000 Like, these constant jokes to fucking up, I've come back from worse than this.

00:44:38.000 Like, this constant playing off the fact that he's like this consummate partier who rebounds.

00:44:44.000 It's starting to be like parody.

00:44:45.000 It's scary.

00:44:48.000 You can't just keep doing that.

00:44:49.000 Keep talking about being a fuck up and bouncing back.

00:44:51.000 Like, you gotta actually do something now, dude.

00:44:53.000 Yeah.

00:44:54.000 That's the scariest pre that.

00:44:55.000 That is scary.

00:44:56.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:44:57.000 Carrie Williams is in it and that. 0.98

00:44:59.000 What's scary is that people were willing to make that movie.

00:45:02.000 Like, they saw it and they glued it all together and they're like, well, fucking, this is pretty funny.

00:45:09.000 Whoever made that movie is like a genius.

00:45:10.000 It's just sitting there going to a wolf, counting their money.

00:45:13.000 Andy Dick, I need you.

00:45:14.000 That's pure madness.

00:45:15.000 That movie is pure madness.

00:45:16.000 You will leave that movie baffled.

00:45:19.000 Maybe.

00:45:19.000 Maybe you'll love it.

00:45:20.000 What the fuck do I know?

00:45:21.000 Don't take your opinions from me, ladies and gentlemen.

00:45:23.000 But I hope that that Cat Williams dude gets his shit together.

00:45:26.000 Or if he does have his shit together, I hope he explains himself.

00:45:29.000 I think he's a fucking hilarious comedian, man.

00:45:32.000 You go back and watch the Pimp Pronunciation.

00:45:35.000 It's really funny shit, man.

00:45:37.000 It's fun to watch.

00:45:38.000 He was good, man.

00:45:40.000 He was really good.

00:45:41.000 I hope he still is, you know.

00:45:43.000 I hope he can bounce back.

00:45:44.000 I don't know what it is.

00:45:45.000 I wouldn't want to guess as to what is happening to him.

00:45:48.000 What happened to him?

00:45:49.000 I don't even know about him.

00:45:49.000 He's having all these canceled shows and not showing up and beating people up and shit.

00:45:55.000 Sounds normal.

00:45:56.000 I don't know.

00:45:58.000 Fucking dude's hilarious, though.

00:45:59.000 I'll tell you that.

00:46:00.000 And I think you've got to be a certain amount of crazy to be able to pull off comedy, you know?

00:46:05.000 Especially pull it off at Joey Diaz levels.

00:46:07.000 Or fucking Cat Williams levels.

00:46:10.000 Or even Brian Cowan levels.

00:46:11.000 Brian Cowan's fucking crazy.

00:46:13.000 You know who's fucking awesome?

00:46:14.000 And do you ever talk to Steven Wright?

00:46:17.000 I was listening to his comedy the other day.

00:46:18.000 He is hilarious.

00:46:20.000 Of course.

00:46:21.000 I saw that guy live way back in the day when he first started making it before I was even a comedian.

00:46:26.000 I paid to see him live when I was like 18 or 19 years old.

00:46:29.000 I went to see him in a concert.

00:46:31.000 Yeah, he was amazing.

00:46:32.000 He said something like he was on an airplane the other day and he forgot to take his seatbelt when he stood up.

00:46:37.000 And then he's like, yeah, I was dragging this airplane around the lobby, knocking people over with my wings.

00:46:44.000 It was just like, what the fuck?

00:46:46.000 Yeah, he had a great joke about working at a fire extinguisher factory.

00:46:52.000 Couldn't park anywhere near the place.

00:46:59.000 That kind of style.

00:47:00.000 Yeah, he was the guy that there was a movie that was written about, or that was made about stand-up called When Stand-Up Stood Out.

00:47:08.000 And he was the guy that really changed the whole face of the Boston scene because he got discovered.

00:47:14.000 And when he got discovered, they were putting him on television all the time.

00:47:16.000 And then all of a sudden, everybody else wanted to get discovered too.

00:47:18.000 And it sort of changed it from everybody was just going out and trying to kill, just be the funniest people you could, to everybody wanting to try to get a TV deal.

00:47:25.000 So he sort of, by his success, unfortunately, tanked the entire Boston.

00:47:30.000 He was the first step in the entire Boston comedy scene slowly degenerating over time.

00:47:36.000 I don't get Steven right in my face, though.

00:47:37.000 Like, you know how you get Louis C.K. everywhere he goes.

00:47:39.000 Louis C.K., you know, David Towell and stuff, but I don't see him at all.

00:47:43.000 Well, one of the reasons is he was not nearly as prolific as Louis.

00:47:47.000 One of the things that's so amazing about Louis is not just that he's funny, but that he's so prolific.

00:47:52.000 Like Louis puts out a whole new hour every year and he's constantly writing.

00:47:57.000 And because of that, if you're a fan, like I'm a fan of Stephen Wright, but when was the last time I saw Stephen Wright special?

00:48:04.000 When was the last time, you know, I downloaded one of his MP3s?

00:48:08.000 It's very, very rare because he only has a certain body of work, and I'm through with that.

00:48:12.000 I've already eaten through it.

00:48:14.000 Whereas with a guy like Louie, if you're a fan, you're continually refreshed with new stuff.

00:48:20.000 Like every year, you're going to get a whole new hour.

00:48:22.000 You're going to get all these interviews in between.

00:48:24.000 So it's like the relationship between the fan and the comedian, like it makes sense.

00:48:28.000 It doesn't make sense that I'm still fans with Stephen Wright or fans of Stephen Wright, but I haven't heard any of this shit in a long time.

00:48:34.000 But if he was like a dude like Louie that was like banging it out every year, like an hour every year, yeah, you would hear about him everywhere.

00:48:41.000 It's not that he's not hilarious.

00:48:42.000 He's awesome.

00:48:43.000 It just doesn't work that much.

00:48:45.000 A sitcom with Stephen Wright and Cat Williams and their gay lovers.

00:48:49.000 And it's perfect because Cat Williams would never slap Stephen Wright because he's tall and stuff.

00:48:53.000 You know, probably wouldn't slap him as much.

00:48:55.000 Stephen Wright's not that tall.

00:48:56.000 He's pretty tall, isn't it?

00:48:57.000 Cat Williams would stand on a couch and smack in your face. 1.00

00:48:59.000 Right.

00:49:01.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77

00:49:02.000 You see on the video?

00:49:03.000 Popping that Walmart employee.

00:49:05.000 He'll smack you.

00:49:06.000 Usually what Cat said the Walmart employee was saying to him, that why he slapped him?

00:49:10.000 He called him the N-word.

00:49:11.000 And that's why he slapped him.

00:49:13.000 I don't believe that at all.

00:49:14.000 He might have.

00:49:15.000 Hey, he might have.

00:49:16.000 And if he didn't, that's the right thing to say if you want to get out of it.

00:49:20.000 Yeah, I guess that too.

00:49:24.000 Anyway, back to Matt.

00:49:26.000 So a little bit random access.

00:49:29.000 But hey, man.

00:49:30.000 That's how a real conversation is, you know?

00:49:30.000 I'm enjoying it.

00:49:32.000 Real conversations don't always go the same way.

00:49:36.000 When you started working with Martin Cantman, did you come up with something that you wrote down on paper?

00:49:42.000 These are the ways to address it.

00:49:43.000 Did you develop a curriculum?

00:49:46.000 How did you approach it?

00:49:47.000 It's hard to do that because it just depends so much on every different person.

00:49:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:49:51.000 How much time do you want?

00:49:53.000 We usually spend like, I would say, a half hour.

00:49:55.000 You know what I mean?

00:49:56.000 Like in advance to work with him before a fight.

00:49:58.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:49:59.000 About two months then.

00:50:00.000 Yeah.

00:50:00.000 Two months.

00:50:01.000 So do you, all through like heavy training, you're there?

00:50:05.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't go to his gym that much.

00:50:08.000 I went to Extreme Couture a couple times and just kind of hung out and just saw his body language and stuff like that.

00:50:13.000 But mostly it's just on the phone or I'll go over to his house and we'll kind of chat it out and see what's on his mind and just try to get it off there.

00:50:20.000 And did you develop a course for how you handle this kind of stuff?

00:50:25.000 Man, I'm still so new to this.

00:50:27.000 I don't even know what I'm doing sometimes.

00:50:29.000 So you just have some really good ideas about being able to be in the moment.

00:50:33.000 Yeah, the bottom line is just getting them present.

00:50:35.000 That's the only thing that I'm concerned about.

00:50:37.000 It's just getting them to the point where they're not thinking about their ex or whatever's on their mind, where they can just be in that cage and all that matters is what's in front of them.

00:50:45.000 Because if they go, if they, like I said, we talked about it before, one second away from the moment, they're gone.

00:50:50.000 They could get knocked out.

00:50:53.000 So what is, like, can you tell us, like, what's a good way?

00:50:57.000 Like, say if you got something on your mind that's fucking with you. 0.56

00:51:00.000 What's a good way to get that out of your mind?

00:51:02.000 Smoke.

00:51:03.000 Smoke weed?

00:51:03.000 And deal with it.

00:51:04.000 Smoke weed and deal with it.

00:51:06.000 No, I mean, you know, that's a joke, but I'm not as funny as you guys.

00:51:10.000 Okay, you gave it a shot.

00:51:11.000 Yeah, thank you.

00:51:12.000 Yeah, I mean, just to deal with it.

00:51:14.000 Most people, like I said, they'll push it aside.

00:51:16.000 They'll pretend like it's not there.

00:51:17.000 Right.

00:51:18.000 But for some people, it's not that easy to just deal with things.

00:51:20.000 Like, just, I mean, is there a tool that you could give someone, you know, like that they could take away?

00:51:25.000 Like, oh, let me look at it this way now instead.

00:51:28.000 There's like maybe a loss, loss in the family, a loss of a pet or something like that.

00:51:32.000 You know, for a lot of people, that shit is like absolutely devastating.

00:51:35.000 It's really hard for them to move on.

00:51:36.000 Right.

00:51:38.000 What do you do?

00:51:39.000 Like, if you're dealing with a fighter and he has like an issue, whatever it is, girlfriend issue, loss issue, whatever it is.

00:51:46.000 How do you get them to let that shit go?

00:51:49.000 You got to get them to go back to that moment and live it again because they're not okay with it.

00:51:55.000 One way or another, they're just not okay with it.

00:51:56.000 So they have to go back and really go through what was going on.

00:52:00.000 So you feel that a lot of times when people keep things in their mind or distractions, it's unresolved issues.

00:52:08.000 Absolutely.

00:52:08.000 Mostly from childhood, actually.

00:52:10.000 Yeah.

00:52:11.000 Now, how do you address that?

00:52:12.000 Do you say, do you like when you're working with a fighter, do you address specific areas of their childhood?

00:52:19.000 I mean, how far do you go with that?

00:52:21.000 Well, it'll come up in conversation.

00:52:24.000 One way or another, they'll tell me what the issue is, and then we just go deal with it.

00:52:27.000 I mean, it's hard, though, because a lot of people don't want to do that.

00:52:31.000 They've been living with it for so long.

00:52:31.000 They don't want to deal with it.

00:52:33.000 They're just like, you know, that's the way it is for them.

00:52:36.000 Yeah, it's like it makes it difficult for them to sort of, if they let it go like that, if they the game's over.

00:52:43.000 Yeah.

00:52:43.000 If they let it go, the game's over.

00:52:44.000 They don't get it.

00:52:45.000 Because mostly they're getting something out of it.

00:52:47.000 That's the reason why they keep doing it.

00:52:49.000 Even a traumatic experience or something bad, they're getting something out of it, whether it be people feeling bad for them or whatever it is for them.

00:52:55.000 They'll be getting something out of it.

00:52:56.000 Until they can let that go and end that game and move on, it's like Groundhog Day.

00:53:03.000 Over and over again.

00:53:04.000 Yeah, when you meet someone and they have an issue like that and they keep repeating it, it's so fucking frustrating.

00:53:09.000 Yes.

00:53:10.000 It's so frustrating.

00:53:11.000 I went through it.

00:53:13.000 I've gone through it a couple times with my friends with drugs.

00:53:18.000 Or alcohol.

00:53:19.000 When someone has just got that thing where they'll get sober for a couple months and then they fuck up and then they're, you know, it's like literally like they're stuck in like a, and you're like, what are you doing?

00:53:31.000 Like, why are you in this little track?

00:53:33.000 This is a terrible track.

00:53:34.000 You know, these are maze.

00:53:36.000 You know, you can just go that way.

00:53:38.000 You can just have to, yeah, this is, you're fucking crazy.

00:53:42.000 Put it down.

00:53:42.000 Pretend you're talking to yourself.

00:53:45.000 What would you tell yourself to do?

00:53:47.000 Would you tell yourself to keep repeating these same stupid fucking patterns?

00:53:50.000 If you went to yourself for advice, that's a weird thing with people.

00:53:53.000 A lot of people are good about giving advice, but their own life, they can't follow that.

00:53:59.000 Yeah, no, me too, sometimes.

00:54:00.000 Look, I'm human.

00:54:01.000 It happens with me too, you know.

00:54:02.000 Oh, for sure, yeah.

00:54:04.000 Yeah.

00:54:05.000 It's hard.

00:54:06.000 It's hard to turn that same, you know, when you look at other people, you can look at them pretty objectively.

00:54:10.000 You're not attached to their success or failure.

00:54:12.000 You see them for what they are, for the most part, or what they represent to you.

00:54:17.000 But yourself, it's hard to do.

00:54:20.000 Most people don't want to deal with their own issues.

00:54:22.000 That's why people give advice all the time because they don't want to look inward and really work on themselves and deal with it.

00:54:26.000 It was like a song that they would play on Zoom or one of those little kids' shows.

00:54:33.000 The most important person in the whole wide world is you and you hardly even know you.

00:54:38.000 Do you remember that?

00:54:39.000 I don't, but.

00:54:40.000 I don't remember it either.

00:54:41.000 I barely remember it.

00:54:42.000 I remember that line.

00:54:43.000 I remember like, what was I was like six going, what is this bitch talking about? 1.00

00:54:47.000 I don't even know me.

00:54:48.000 I know me.

00:54:49.000 Well, you don't know you.

00:54:51.000 Don't project your bullshit on me.

00:54:52.000 I'm six years old.

00:54:53.000 I fucking know me.

00:54:54.000 All right?

00:54:56.000 The most important person in the Hawaii world is you, and you hardly even know you.

00:55:02.000 Very difficult for people to look at themselves, though.

00:55:05.000 That's one of the hardest things to do.

00:55:07.000 Straighten out your own issues.

00:55:09.000 The thing about fighting is that the stakes are so insanely high that there's even more pressure.

00:55:15.000 It's because it's not just a loss.

00:55:17.000 Like for a regular person, like you say, if you like to play basketball, if you have a one-on-one game with a guy and you're pretty sure you could beat him, but you fuck up some clutch shots and you, that is, you know, it doesn't feel good.

00:55:28.000 He's clowning you, making fun of you.

00:55:29.000 He smoked you in basketball.

00:55:31.000 But that is so much better than losing a fight.

00:55:33.000 The losing a fight, the emotional, yeah, the emotional aspect of it is so devastating to a lot of those guys.

00:55:40.000 Oh, man, especially with egos.

00:55:41.000 Because, you know, look, we all have egos one way or another, mostly.

00:55:45.000 But with fighting, it's like you're losing in front of that many people, and you've got to go back to the drawing board.

00:55:49.000 You know, you're not going to get a title shot now for a couple fights.

00:55:52.000 You know, Martin was right there, you know.

00:55:54.000 Yeah, especially if you're in a situation where you don't like the guy, and you guys have a lot of emotions invested in the fight, and then the guy goes out and KOs you.

00:56:03.000 That gets ugly.

00:56:04.000 That's one of the things I teach.

00:56:04.000 Well, you can't do that.

00:56:05.000 You cannot think about that stuff.

00:56:07.000 You cannot get emotionally invested.

00:56:08.000 If you get emotionally invested, you're done.

00:56:10.000 Yeah, that's so important with a lot of things.

00:56:12.000 It's important with even with art.

00:56:16.000 You've got to be able to let the expression exist outside of any of your own bullshit.

00:56:28.000 You can't get wrapped up in this motherfucker's eyeballing me.

00:56:31.000 Bitch, you're going to be the one who shoots first. 1.00

00:56:33.000 Like, all that nonsense can't exist in order for you to perform optimally.

00:56:37.000 No, you can never grow.

00:56:38.000 If you order for you to execute the technique in the best way and to not have all this extra baggage attached to your performance.

00:56:46.000 Because what people don't understand is that this is a very important thing.

00:56:49.000 Your mind, and I know this specifically because I've spent so much time in sensory deprivation tanks.

00:56:56.000 This is a really big, big, big thing in my life is the ability to separate and get a look at what the fuck is really going on with all of your thoughts and all of your intentions when you're by yourself with no distractions.

00:57:16.000 Because if you have any distractions, so a distraction is an unnecessary element to a situation.

00:57:22.000 If there's a situation and there's all this ego attached with you and this guy fighting that did not need to be there, well you've you've added, you might still beat the guy, but you've added a layer of difficulty to this equation that didn't exist before.

00:57:35.000 And you focus resources on it.

00:57:37.000 And you only have a certain amount of resources.

00:57:39.000 And guess who created that?

00:57:40.000 You did.

00:57:41.000 You did.

00:57:42.000 The thing about the isolation tank is that you really truly understand when your body is separated from any sensory input, how much resources are going to that.

00:57:42.000 Always.

00:57:52.000 That also affect consciousness.

00:57:55.000 Because if you have to deal, your mind is managing space as you're moving around, like bumping into objects and opening doors.

00:58:02.000 And your mind is managing all this as well as communicating with people.

00:58:05.000 And you don't feel like you're in any way taxed or stressed.

00:58:09.000 But when you're in an environment where there's none of that going on, the sensory deprivation tank being at the same temperature as your skin, you're floating in there.

00:58:17.000 So there's nothing coming into your skin.

00:58:18.000 Your skin, you feel like you're flying through the universe. 1.00

00:58:21.000 You don't feel anything.

00:58:22.000 You don't see anything.

00:58:23.000 It's pitch black.

00:58:24.000 Your ears are underwater.

00:58:24.000 You don't hear anything.

00:58:25.000 So there's nothing coming in.

00:58:26.000 And everything seems so clear.

00:58:29.000 It's like there's no Distractions there anymore.

00:58:32.000 There's just your thoughts.

00:58:33.000 And then you look at it and you're like, Yeah, what the fuck am I doing?

00:58:36.000 Like, why don't I get out of this relationship?

00:58:38.000 Why don't I stop drinking?

00:58:39.000 Why don't I quit smoking cigarettes?

00:58:41.000 Why do I keep gambling my paycheck away?

00:58:43.000 What the fuck?

00:58:44.000 Inside that environment, those answers seem like so obvious.

00:58:48.000 Yeah, well, what you just said is a perfect way to put it.

00:58:51.000 There's so much going on in our lives that we don't even take a moment to look inward.

00:58:55.000 We're either driving somewhere or we're eating and talking to somebody or whatever we're doing and then we're sleeping.

00:59:00.000 You know, you never really have that time.

00:59:01.000 So being in the deprivation tank is definitely huge.

00:59:03.000 I've tried it a couple times actually down in Venice.

00:59:05.000 At the Float Lab?

00:59:06.000 Float Lab, yeah.

00:59:07.000 Yeah, they just just, that guy's nuts, man.

00:59:09.000 The dude who runs a float lab, my friend Crash.

00:59:13.000 And there's, there's like, there's a community of people all throughout the world that create these sensory deprivation tanks.

00:59:20.000 And there's some very good models.

00:59:23.000 I had a Samadhi.

00:59:25.000 That was my first one.

00:59:26.000 And I enjoyed that thing very much.

00:59:29.000 I had great experiences in that tank.

00:59:31.000 It's very adequate.

00:59:32.000 But the level of sophistication and technology that this crazy motherfucker puts in to his shit crashes systems are like a hundred years in the future.

00:59:43.000 The amount of filtration that's in them, the ozone, and no one else is anywhere near what he's doing.

00:59:49.000 He put in this giant control panel and how to get it hardwired into the room where the tank is.

00:59:55.000 The whole thing is fucking crazy.

00:59:57.000 It's huge.

00:59:58.000 It's eight feet high and six feet wide, nine feet long.

01:00:02.000 Yeah, I mean, it's a gigantic fucking thing.

01:00:04.000 I mean, he takes everything to this crazy.

01:00:08.000 So now the newest versions of the tanks, the experience is still the same.

01:00:12.000 He just wants to make sure that the water is as pure as it can be, the distractions are as minimal, there's no light that gets in at all.

01:00:18.000 But when you have this experience on a regular basis, it puts into perspective why people do certain things where they just keep doing a momentum and impulse, like pull into Dunkin' Donuts or get some fucking horrible fatty foods and stuff your face, and you just fill a hole for a second, and then you're like, fuck, I'm going to go to the gym tonight.

01:00:39.000 And then you keep repeating this pattern.

01:00:41.000 But note that you're repeating it with actions.

01:00:44.000 That's what's really strange because actions also require resources.

01:00:49.000 And when you have an issue, when you have something that's fucking with your mind, a lot of times you will eat up the resources so that you don't have to deal with it because the pressure of dealing with it is scary to you.

01:00:59.000 So you create this sort of artificial situation by actions.

01:01:03.000 That's why it's meditative time.

01:01:06.000 Time, whether it's just doing, sitting down and concentrating on your breathing and just trying to clear your mind or actually doing something or even hiking.

01:01:15.000 A lot of people think hiking is like a meditative sort of a breathing thing because as you're moving, you're completely concentrating on that and your life sort of goes away and the stress of it all sort of goes away.

01:01:25.000 You're just living.

01:01:26.000 Yeah.

01:01:27.000 You know what Crash should do?

01:01:28.000 You know how he's like, he rents them out for an hour or so?

01:01:32.000 He should mix like massage with flotation tank.

01:01:36.000 Imagine just laying there and having another girl like in a bathing suit, just giving you like a real Thai massage while in the flotation tank. 1.00

01:01:42.000 Can't we like that way, though?

01:01:45.000 A hotation tank.

01:01:46.000 It doesn't really work that way.

01:01:48.000 And wouldn't you want to see her?

01:01:49.000 You wouldn't want to, you know.

01:01:50.000 No.

01:01:50.000 What if she looks like Gollum when you fucking get it?

01:01:53.000 That's one of the things.

01:01:53.000 You get to pick her.

01:01:54.000 I'm alive.

01:01:55.000 That's alive.

01:01:58.000 Yeah, I don't think that.

01:02:00.000 Plus, the tank is only 11 inches deep.

01:02:02.000 Like, she can't really get away from it.

01:02:03.000 No, you would design it so like you're you can breathe underwater.

01:02:06.000 Like on another planet where gravity is different.

01:02:08.000 No.

01:02:09.000 Design it so you can breathe underwater.

01:02:10.000 Like a head.

01:02:11.000 It's like it's a ramp, like where it goes up.

01:02:13.000 It wouldn't work.

01:02:15.000 That's silly.

01:02:15.000 because if it's a ramp, you would be sloshing around in there.

01:02:22.000 Yeah, unless you're laying on fleshlight material all the way in it.

01:02:26.000 The whole thing's fleshlight inside.

01:02:28.000 Like a fleshlight blanket.

01:02:29.000 Why don't they make fleshlights? 0.98

01:02:30.000 Fleshlight might feel good in your dick, but it wouldn't feel so good on your face.

01:02:32.000 You'd be like, what the fuck is this rubbery thing on my face?

01:02:35.000 Fleshlight blankets?

01:02:37.000 It feels good on your dick because your dick is so crazy.

01:02:39.000 Your dick's willing to go into assholes readily.

01:02:42.000 When a girl's like, put it in my ass. 1.00

01:02:43.000 Like, yeah.

01:02:44.000 You know, your dick's an idiot.

01:02:46.000 Your dick is essentially rubbing shit walls all over itself.

01:02:49.000 Your dick is a fool. 0.92

01:02:50.000 There's a big difference between that, like you, you know, and what you're willing to do with your face.

01:02:55.000 Like most people, most respectable people, would not rub a shit wall.

01:02:59.000 A wall where all the shit passes by.

01:03:01.000 You wouldn't take it and rub it all over your skin.

01:03:03.000 But your dick is like, yeah, oh, yeah, love it, baby.

01:03:07.000 For Christmas, I got dolphin, a VIB dolphin encounter.

01:03:10.000 I get to swim with the dolphins and hug the dolphins.

01:03:13.000 And I know, like, I'm planning it out already where I'm going to, like, put my head against a dolphin and just be like, fuck me right now.

01:03:17.000 Fuck me.

01:03:18.000 And see if he can read my mind.

01:03:21.000 Like, have you done that yet?

01:03:22.000 What are you talking about, man?

01:03:23.000 Have you done that yet?

01:03:24.000 No, no, I haven't done that.

01:03:25.000 Like, swim with the dolphins at all?

01:03:26.000 Have you tried any hacking to the dolphins?

01:03:28.000 I'm talking about talking to the dolphins.

01:03:31.000 Do you have a broken brain?

01:03:32.000 Like, you know, McKenna sat there and fucking took acid with dolphins. 1.00

01:03:35.000 Would you try any mini experiments?

01:03:38.000 First of all, it was John Lilly.

01:03:39.000 John Lilly.

01:03:40.000 Are you on the Arrow today?

01:03:41.000 What the fuck is going on?

01:03:42.000 Did you smoke three experiments?

01:03:43.000 No, that's not the same thing.

01:03:43.000 I've been sick for three days.

01:03:45.000 I was sick, you know, for Christmas and the day before.

01:03:47.000 I think you're still sick.

01:03:48.000 Go back to the doctor.

01:03:49.000 Tell them to focus in your brain now.

01:03:51.000 Listen to what you just said.

01:03:52.000 Listen to what, like, a rational person having a conversation.

01:03:55.000 You're like, you ever go to the dolphins?

01:03:56.000 You'd be like, yeah, I'm going to fuck the shit out of you right now.

01:03:58.000 People know, what are you saying?

01:04:00.000 I'm saying, like, little experience.

01:04:01.000 Like, when you first hung out with a dog, or when you hang out with dogs, you know, you always sit there and like, can you read my mind?

01:04:06.000 And, like, you're doing little experimental.

01:04:07.000 I don't, I know I do.

01:04:08.000 Never experiment with your cats.

01:04:10.000 Never do anything.

01:04:11.000 I don't pretend to be doing anything.

01:04:14.000 Okay, let's be clear.

01:04:15.000 You're pretending that your dog might be able to see you and talk to you like a Dr. Doolittle movie.

01:04:22.000 I don't pretend.

01:04:22.000 I don't sit around and go, can I read your mind?

01:04:24.000 No, I don't.

01:04:25.000 You know why?

01:04:25.000 Because I've read a lot of books on dogs and humans, and not once does it ever say anywhere that they can read your fucking mind.

01:04:31.000 So I assume that they can't read your mind, and then when I watch, like, Zookeeper, that that's just bullshit.

01:04:36.000 All right?

01:04:36.000 Okay?

01:04:37.000 That's, no, I don't sit around and go, oh, fuck me, Mr. Dolphin.

01:04:40.000 No, I don't do that.

01:04:42.000 You tell me if you had a dolphin in an aquarium tank inside your bedroom and every day you looked at that dolphin.

01:04:46.000 It wouldn't go.

01:04:47.000 You would ask it where it would want to live and then would let it go.

01:04:49.000 Like if it was a crippled dolphin and it couldn't move, it just sat there and had to stare and look at it.

01:04:53.000 And then it would shoot it in the head and make the next life it would come back as a tuna.

01:04:56.000 Do they sell retarded dolphins for pets? 1.00

01:04:58.000 That'd be awesome.

01:04:59.000 Like you could keep it in an aquarium because it doesn't want to move.

01:05:01.000 It just wants to sit there and drool. 0.98

01:05:02.000 But it would be still cool to be alive.

01:05:03.000 You could still want to eat.

01:05:05.000 like just have an retarded dolphin in your bedroom. 0.95

01:05:07.000 That'd be perfect if you were into that.

01:05:10.000 But I suspect you'd get bored because you'd probably be really stupid and like the middle of the night he'd be like crying out for you.

01:05:18.000 You'd be like, oh my god, you know how bad dolphin fucking shrieks sound at three o'clock in the morning when you're hungover?

01:05:23.000 But what if it says happy noises?

01:05:25.000 No.

01:05:26.000 It's relaxing.

01:05:26.000 Well, you're just hoping for a different type of Down syndrome animal.

01:05:30.000 You're not hoping for like a, you know, normal Down syndrome animals or an animal with a disease.

01:05:35.000 For you, it's like, well, it's a magical Down syndrome animal that's happy all the time.

01:05:39.000 Well, if we can clone them, if they're doing cloning now, animal clonings.

01:05:42.000 I mean, if you can clone your dog, it should be all right to clone a retarded dolphin that you can keep in an aquarium that doesn't squeak. 1.00

01:05:46.000 You know what we're really lucky?

01:05:48.000 We're really lucky that people can't get other animals pregnant. 0.95

01:05:51.000 Okay?

01:05:52.000 We're really lucky because if that was the case, there would be people everything out there.

01:05:57.000 There would be people, giraffes. 1.00

01:05:59.000 You would go, how the fuck did this happen?

01:06:01.000 It would happen.

01:06:02.000 Would they get driver's license?

01:06:04.000 If you could fuck an animal and get it pregnant, for sure, there would be human-animal hybrids all over the world of everything, of gorillas. 1.00

01:06:14.000 You would go, how the fuck did this happen?

01:06:16.000 They wouldn't have zebras.

01:06:18.000 Some dude fucked a zebra, roped it, held it down, shot, not only that, when it was ovulating, shot a load into it, came, and not just fucked it, but came.

01:06:26.000 Okay, that's a big deal.

01:06:28.000 I mean, we were talking about before the show, like when you've been dating a girl for a long time, like if you're bored with sex, like if you're not like sexually compatible, you can get in those situations where you don't even really want to have sex with them anymore.

01:06:40.000 We were talking about like when you're pretending you're fucking somebody else, like while you're bone, you're close your eyes like, oh, yeah. 0.92

01:06:46.000 Thinking about some chick that you used to bone.

01:06:48.000 You're getting actual real sex, but you're pretending to get sex from a different person because that's the only way you're going to get off.

01:06:48.000 Like that's ridiculous.

01:06:55.000 Well, this guy fucked a zebra, bitch. 1.00

01:06:57.000 Okay?

01:06:58.000 He didn't have to pretend.

01:07:00.000 You know it's a zebra.

01:07:01.000 There's shit all over its ass, and that's right next to your dick because zebras don't wipe their ass ever. 1.00

01:07:07.000 They just dump out these gigantic jungle shits, and then you got to hold that motherfucker down and bone it and get it pregnant. 1.00

01:07:14.000 But they would exist.

01:07:15.000 They would be dudes in Africa that were half zebra.

01:07:17.000 They would look just like the Navi in that fucking Avatar movie.

01:07:22.000 They would be giant zebra people. 0.89

01:07:24.000 There's no doubt about it, man.

01:07:25.000 That would be exactly the right height, too.

01:07:27.000 It'd be like a nine-foot tall sort of human-zebra hybrid.

01:07:31.000 The whole planet would be half people, half fish.

01:07:34.000 People fuck fish, for sure. 0.99

01:07:37.000 These dudes have fucked fish. 1.00

01:07:39.000 100%, I know.

01:07:40.000 I have no doubt about it.

01:07:42.000 Dogs would be ridiculous.

01:07:44.000 Dogs would be like, it would be like that movie District 9 where those aliens came down and they had to fucking figure out what to do with them.

01:07:52.000 That would be the human dog population because there would be so many human dogs.

01:07:56.000 They would be like, don't fuck your dogs.

01:07:57.000 They'd be like big billboards with a dick and a dog and a big red line through it.

01:08:01.000 Don't fuck your dogs.

01:08:02.000 Because people would fuck their dogs. 1.00

01:08:04.000 They would definitely fuck their dogs. 0.99

01:08:06.000 People have fucked parrots.

01:08:07.000 I guarantee you.

01:08:08.000 If a person could get a parrot pregnant, there would be people-parrot hybrids, and they would be flying around our cities all day, snatching purses and throwing shit at people. 1.00

01:08:17.000 Shitting on you.

01:08:18.000 If people could make hybrids with parrots, those motherfuckers would be like prisoners flying in the sky, dropping rocks on people's heads, killing them and shit. 1.00

01:08:18.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

01:08:27.000 I guarantee you there would be a person-pigeon.

01:08:29.000 You would look at it and go, how the fuck did that even happen?

01:08:31.000 But there would be a half-person, half-pigeon, like a foot and a half tall, all fucking pissed off and fucked up feet, fucked up pigeon feet and shit.

01:08:41.000 If people could get everything pregnant, we would get everything pregnant. 0.99

01:08:44.000 There would be people trees.

01:08:45.000 There'd be people melons and pumpkins.

01:08:47.000 There would be people...

01:08:50.000 You're describing Lord of the Rings.

01:08:52.000 Well, what if your loads got, duplicated everything?

01:08:54.000 If it wasn't just human beings.

01:08:55.000 Be like, MacBook Pro, come over here and sit in daddy's lap.

01:08:59.000 What if sperm just reproduced everything it saw?

01:09:02.000 Just shoot sperm on a water bottle. 1.00

01:09:04.000 It makes another water bottle right next to it, like one of those pods in that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

01:09:09.000 It's growing under the bed, trying to become what it's, you know.

01:09:12.000 I'd find the time machine.

01:09:13.000 I would suck my own dick and fuck my mouth and get my own pregnant and then it would just spin in a circle like a cartwheel going down the street and something like that. 1.00

01:09:19.000 And it'd be like two mirrors looking into each other forever.

01:09:24.000 It would never end.

01:09:25.000 It'd be two mirrors facing each other to oblivion of you blowing yourself in a spinning circle like you're in one of those cartoon wheels going down the hill like one guy holding another guy's foot or a dog biting its tail.

01:09:37.000 A dog biting its tail is the perfect analogy just rolling down the hill.

01:09:40.000 That would be you sucking your own dick and fucking yourself in the ass in a giant circle. 0.87

01:09:44.000 A spiral fractal.

01:09:47.000 What's his face?

01:09:48.000 It goes on in billions and billions of light years.

01:09:51.000 It's like a huge swirling galaxy of a zillion trillion Brians sucking their own dick and boning themselves in the ass in a giant circle of impossible reality. 1.00

01:10:02.000 Hey, that's not any more impossible to believe than a galaxy itself.

01:10:02.000 Can you imagine?

01:10:07.000 No, there's no way a guy could be sucking his own dick and fucking himself in the ass flying around a star, but huge gigantic balls of gas and or water and or rock.

01:10:17.000 Yeah, that kind of makes sense.

01:10:19.000 With molten centers shooting lava out of their tits. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Yeah, okay, that makes more sense than a dude flying around sucking his own dick and boning himself in the ass.

01:10:29.000 No, that makes just as much sense.

01:10:31.000 It's just as ridiculous.

01:10:32.000 A whole universe filled with a spiral of Brians, a trillion light years long, all boning themselves, is less than half as spectacular as a real supernova. 1.00

01:10:44.000 So I'm not really impressed.

01:10:45.000 I'm going to fuck those out there somewhere.

01:10:46.000 I'm not impressed with your performance.

01:10:48.000 I'm going to totally do what your friend does with the stripper pants. 1.00

01:10:53.000 I'm going to shave down my swim trunks down to a really thin layer.

01:10:57.000 And then when a dolphin comes up to me, I'm just going to wrap.

01:11:01.000 See, again, you don't make sense.

01:11:02.000 What I said makes sense.

01:11:03.000 What you're saying is crazy.

01:11:05.000 No.

01:11:05.000 I'm going to go fuck a dolphin, son.

01:11:07.000 Dude, I'm just going to rub my body around.

01:11:09.000 They're not going to let you.

01:11:10.000 They're going to see what you're doing.

01:11:11.000 They're going to arrest you.

01:11:12.000 Do you think that happens all the time?

01:11:14.000 They're going to be a fucking website dedicated, just like they have sex criminal websites.

01:11:18.000 They're going to have guys who are even thinking about fucking dolphins.

01:11:21.000 It's sad enough, these poor dolphins are kept in these cages.

01:11:24.000 They wish they were out in the ocean, chasing fish, having a good time with each other.

01:11:28.000 No, no, no.

01:11:29.000 We have to contain them In some shitty little spot, not even let them kill their own fish, which is part of the big thrill of life.

01:11:34.000 And some asshole thinks it's cute to try to fuck you. 1.00

01:11:37.000 Yeah, Joe, but I just found out their nipples are inside their assholes. 1.00

01:11:40.000 Did you know that's like the babies feed by putting their nose up the dolphin's dick and it like fucking shoots milk out of its ass.

01:11:47.000 And so, like, imagine its ass?

01:11:49.000 Yes, and so imagine having the best upgrade to a butthole ever, having nipples inside. 1.00

01:11:54.000 Now you're doing materials, right?

01:11:55.000 You can't do that.

01:11:56.000 I saw you do that on stage.

01:11:58.000 Where are dolphins' nipples? 1.00

01:12:00.000 In the asshole.

01:12:02.000 You're probably like, what the fuck is going on?

01:12:05.000 Hey, I'm just enjoying the ride, man.

01:12:06.000 No, they're hidden inside slits of the mother's underbelly. 0.68

01:12:10.000 See, you gotta read.

01:12:11.000 It's in the butthole.

01:12:12.000 There's books.

01:12:13.000 No, no.

01:12:14.000 How does the dolphin feed? 0.72

01:12:16.000 How do baby dolphins feed? 0.92

01:12:16.000 They feed under these. 0.92

01:12:18.000 They don't feed out of their butthole, dude. 1.00

01:12:20.000 Yeah, they do.

01:12:21.000 No, they don't.

01:12:24.000 I know that I did the dolving experience at Atlantis last year, and they don't even want you to pet them around their bullet holes, so you better be careful.

01:12:31.000 Really?

01:12:32.000 Really?

01:12:33.000 Yeah, they get upset.

01:12:34.000 I'm not going to touch a bullet hole.

01:12:36.000 Why take the bullet hole when you have the real thing?

01:12:40.000 No, Brian, there's slits in the underbelly of the mother, and she releases these nipples. 1.00

01:12:47.000 And the dolphins nurse that way.

01:12:48.000 You don't know what you're talking about, man.

01:12:50.000 You're talking crazy.

01:12:51.000 Somebody said that to me.

01:12:53.000 Yeah, well, that person is probably Sam Tripoli.

01:12:56.000 He probably sent you off the skids.

01:12:59.000 That's so dumb.

01:13:00.000 All you got to do is just Google that.

01:13:01.000 I saw you talking about that on stage, and I was like, no, they aren't.

01:13:04.000 I know they're not.

01:13:05.000 I would have known.

01:13:06.000 Their channel actually brought me to a science page or something.

01:13:10.000 I have it on my Twitter linked.

01:13:11.000 Okay, it's not real, son.

01:13:12.000 Look, there's a picture of a dolphin, a female dolphin, nursing.

01:13:15.000 Look.

01:13:16.000 Look at that.

01:13:17.000 See?

01:13:18.000 It can nurse two different ways.

01:13:19.000 They can't do it through the asshole.

01:13:21.000 Stop it.

01:13:22.000 It's not healthy.

01:13:24.000 It's not a dolphin upgrade.

01:13:25.000 You're just trying to say that joke.

01:13:27.000 How dare you?

01:13:28.000 Oh, I wonder if this is true.

01:13:31.000 No, it's not true, Brian.

01:13:32.000 Don't wonder.

01:13:33.000 Jesus Christ.

01:13:34.000 Guys like you are why conspiracy theorists.

01:13:37.000 A dolphin's nipples are located in its anus. 0.99

01:13:39.000 The calf sticks its bill into the hole in the baby nurses from its mother through the business.

01:13:44.000 You're on theonion.com.

01:13:46.000 Okay?

01:13:46.000 Stop it.

01:13:47.000 No, they don't.

01:13:48.000 They can't.

01:13:49.000 You would know that.

01:13:49.000 It was on whatthefuckFacts.com or something.

01:13:52.000 I think those things, a lot of times, people just make that shit up.

01:13:55.000 I really don't think you can.

01:13:57.000 Oh, shit.

01:13:57.000 That's gone.

01:13:58.000 I don't think.

01:14:00.000 I just don't think that.

01:14:02.000 First of all, that wouldn't be natural.

01:14:04.000 It doesn't make any sense that you would want to be feeding near fecal matter.

01:14:08.000 Why would nature ever set that up?

01:14:10.000 Yeah, you're going to eat right near where your mom shits. 1.00

01:14:13.000 Are you cool with that?

01:14:14.000 Otherwise, you die.

01:14:15.000 Right.

01:14:16.000 No, and everywhere it says they have nipples in these slits hidden inside the small underbelly. 0.90

01:14:16.000 No. 0.90

01:14:23.000 No question.

01:14:24.000 Yeah.

01:14:25.000 Every website that I'm looking at says the same thing.

01:14:27.000 They have these nipples that are hidden in a slit in their underbelly. 1.00

01:14:30.000 God, there's some fake dolphin nursing facts going on on the internet, everyone.

01:14:35.000 Well, it's just people think they want to find out how dumb people are.

01:14:39.000 They want to find out how dumb people are and whether or not people will Google things.

01:14:42.000 It's probably an experiment.

01:14:43.000 And you probably just led to this disinformation campaign because you've been talking about it on stage for several weeks now without ever Googling it even once.

01:14:52.000 Without ever since they're saying the exact opposite, but I believe you because I am also seeing more what you're saying thanks to that.

01:14:58.000 Well, look at the websites that are saying that they are in their ass.

01:15:03.000 Like UberFax.

01:15:05.000 Who's writing UberFax?

01:15:06.000 DolcanReef.co.

01:15:08.000 Anybody can contribute to these things and sneak them in.

01:15:11.000 There's a lot of these little silly Twitter pages and websites where they make things up on purse.

01:15:18.000 I've read a bunch of them.

01:15:19.000 Like, oh my God, what the fuck?

01:15:20.000 In your ass, facts.

01:15:22.000 There's a lot of those that are not really facts.

01:15:24.000 They're just trying to get retweets.

01:15:26.000 And they'll say something crazy, they get retweets, and then they'll tweet out, we're giving away a free iPad.

01:15:32.000 You know what I mean?

01:15:34.000 There's a bunch of people that have businesses that are set up just around getting people to their websites and getting people to, so they'll make shit up.

01:15:43.000 Sorry, I didn't think people would lie about dolphins.

01:15:46.000 They took it more seriously, you know?

01:15:48.000 You didn't think people would lie about them, but you did think that you would like to sneak up behind one and ask one if you could fuck it.

01:15:52.000 Touch it.

01:15:53.000 Rub it around the outside type shit.

01:15:53.000 Rub it.

01:15:55.000 I just think it would feel good.

01:15:58.000 Have you touched a dolphin?

01:15:59.000 I have not even touched it.

01:16:00.000 Dude, it's like raping a prisoner that you can't understand.

01:16:02.000 He's crying and you're like, he likes it.

01:16:02.000 That's what it's like.

01:16:04.000 Meanwhile, in his language, he's screaming out, please stop fucking me.

01:16:07.000 That's what it would be like if you had sex with a dolphin.

01:16:08.000 Like, if I touched a dolphin, does it feel like your cheek?

01:16:11.000 It's like plastic.

01:16:12.000 It's like plastic.

01:16:12.000 So it does like hard plastic.

01:16:13.000 So it feels like a dildo.

01:16:15.000 Yeah.

01:16:15.000 No, I've never really felt a dildo.

01:16:17.000 Like a wetsuit, maybe.

01:16:18.000 Like a wetsuit?

01:16:19.000 You've never felt a dildo?

01:16:20.000 Never.

01:16:21.000 I've never lived.

01:16:22.000 I'll try it later, I guess.

01:16:23.000 Clearly.

01:16:24.000 I've never touched a dildo, man.

01:16:26.000 Have you ever seen one over a chick's house? 1.00

01:16:28.000 I'm actually only 12 years old.

01:16:29.000 Oh, fuck.

01:16:30.000 It's got that crazy disease.

01:16:32.000 Yeah, dildos, nobody's impressed with the way they feel. 1.00

01:16:35.000 I mean, you know, I mean, it gets kind of close to what a dick would feel like, but you'd know the difference.

01:16:39.000 If I put a dick in your hand and then I put a dildo in your hand, like, which one of these is the real dick?

01:16:45.000 You know?

01:16:46.000 You feel electricity, right?

01:16:47.000 Through a dick?

01:16:48.000 Do you feel electricity?

01:16:49.000 No.

01:16:50.000 Totally.

01:16:52.000 It feels alive.

01:16:53.000 Have you ever sparked with your dick?

01:16:56.000 I wonder if your dick could cause your blend tech blender to catch fire.

01:16:58.000 You just throw it in there and find out.

01:17:03.000 This show's gone off the rails and into the woods.

01:17:11.000 Back to positive thinking, man.

01:17:13.000 So did you say Lesbians were obvious? 1.00

01:17:16.000 You got to learn how to talk English so that people understand you.

01:17:18.000 I don't even know what you said.

01:17:20.000 I'm sorry, I'm eating one of these on it buffalo bars.

01:17:22.000 Don't eat and talk at the same time, you fuck.

01:17:24.000 Did you see the Quentin Tarantino movie?

01:17:28.000 No.

01:17:29.000 But Jamie said it's fucking awesome.

01:17:32.000 Jamie said it's awesome.

01:17:33.000 It looks amazing, man.

01:17:34.000 I can't wait to see it.

01:17:35.000 Yeah, it looks pretty bad.

01:17:36.000 Quentin Tarantino's a bad motherfucker.

01:17:38.000 He makes the kind of movies that people want to see, like fun, crazy movies where nutty shit goes down.

01:17:42.000 Did you see the Hobbit?

01:17:43.000 End up seeing The Hobbit?

01:17:44.000 Yes, I saw The Hobbit.

01:17:45.000 Did you like it?

01:17:47.000 What time did you fall asleep at?

01:17:49.000 I grew up an hour in.

01:17:51.000 Hour in?

01:17:52.000 Yeah.

01:17:52.000 My wife nudged me.

01:17:53.000 She goes, you're not asleep, are you?

01:17:54.000 I was totally asleep.

01:17:54.000 I go, nope.

01:17:56.000 Damn, you got to get your points up.

01:17:57.000 I guess that's a new game that you get your points on, like, how fast you can fall asleep in The Hobbit.

01:18:01.000 And I had a record of like 18 seconds.

01:18:05.000 I could have gone asleep about a half an hour in.

01:18:07.000 You know, the problem with all those movies is I hate saying this because I even make fun of people say that.

01:18:12.000 First of all, I read the books and I read them when I was like a little kid, and they were like a part of me growing up.

01:18:17.000 You know, so I'm watching it, and I know that certain shit has to happen.

01:18:21.000 So you already, like, that takes away from a lot of the drama of the movie because you know all these things are going to happen.

01:18:26.000 It's like, okay, well, how are they going to happen?

01:18:28.000 As opposed to, you know, a great film that's entirely original.

01:18:33.000 So this movie is an adaptation of the novel that you've already read.

01:18:36.000 So there's that.

01:18:37.000 There's so much to tell that it takes a long ass time to tell it all.

01:18:37.000 And then there's that.

01:18:41.000 And it's just not as enjoyable when you're watching it in a film form than if you're watching it in a movie.

01:18:46.000 So like there's all this shit that happened that it's just like, yeah, it looks really cool, but it's just some shit happening.

01:18:53.000 Like the scene where they're fighting the ogres.

01:18:55.000 And I'm like, spoiler, spoiler alert, they fight ogres.

01:18:59.000 But after a while, I'm like, oh, I get it.

01:19:01.000 They're going to be fine.

01:19:02.000 And let's just watch them cartoonishly have this fight that has no drama attached to it at all.

01:19:07.000 And there was a lot of that.

01:19:09.000 But the special effects are fucking stunning.

01:19:13.000 What they can do now is fucking stunning.

01:19:15.000 What frame rate did you see?

01:19:16.000 Did you see the creepy one?

01:19:18.000 I thought, yeah, the high frame rate 3D.

01:19:20.000 And people that were complaining about that, go fuck yourself.

01:19:25.000 Go fuck yourself.

01:19:27.000 Are you really complaining?

01:19:28.000 Is it like that fake version of the TV?

01:19:30.000 They were like, this is going to ruin films forever.

01:19:32.000 It gives the entire film a creepy demand.

01:19:34.000 It's a fantasy movie, you fuckstick.

01:19:37.000 Suspension of disbelief, isn't that the point?

01:19:38.000 not only that, this is the most suspension of disbeliefy movie of all time.

01:19:48.000 Jesus Christ.

01:19:49.000 Are you really saying it doesn't look real?

01:19:51.000 You asshole?

01:19:52.000 It's not supposed to look real, stupid fuckface.

01:19:55.000 It's supposed to be fun, and it's way more fun when it's in that high-frame rate 3D version.

01:20:01.000 It's badass, man.

01:20:03.000 When I was over my friend's house for Christmas, her brother was playing Call of Duty in 3D.

01:20:09.000 And I put on the glasses.

01:20:10.000 I was just like, holy shit.

01:20:12.000 Yeah, those 3D TVs, those are nuts.

01:20:14.000 We had a 3D laptop that Alienware gave us, but I never played a game in 3D on it.

01:20:18.000 Did you play Odio?

01:20:19.000 I think I played Portal 2.

01:20:20.000 How was it?

01:20:21.000 But, I mean, I also have 3D TVs, so I've been playing Call of Duty in 3D, so I think who gives a shit?

01:20:21.000 Sweet.

01:20:27.000 Man, the technology for those things has gotten really, really powerful.

01:20:32.000 I saw a 3D television recently at one of those high-end fucking stores.

01:20:40.000 That's an audiovisual store.

01:20:42.000 I forget what it was.

01:20:42.000 Yeah.

01:20:43.000 We were on the road and we walked into one of those retail stores.

01:20:46.000 And they had this crazy fucking setup where it's really thin glass.

01:20:53.000 And that was essentially the entire TV.

01:20:55.000 It was really weird.

01:20:56.000 And you put these glasses on it.

01:20:58.000 Monsters Inc.

01:20:58.000 What did we watch?

01:20:59.000 Is that what it was?

01:21:01.000 Monsters Inc in 3D, and it's just like, whoa!

01:21:04.000 Like, it's such an overwhelming experience.

01:21:08.000 Like, there's so much more visual input coming your way, and like this added dimension of it.

01:21:13.000 If they could just get it down like that, like the perfect way, but like with a really bad, like Avatar.

01:21:18.000 Avatar, I think, was way better because of the 3D.

01:21:22.000 Yeah, Avatar just came out on 3D, by the way.

01:21:23.000 If you have a 3D TV, it just finally came out so everyone can buy it.

01:21:26.000 It used to be where you only could buy it if you bought this $150.

01:21:30.000 See, I feel like if you wear glasses in your house, you might be an asshole.

01:21:33.000 Oh, dude, I love it.

01:21:34.000 I got these new ones off Amazon.

01:21:35.000 They're just generics for like 20 bucks.

01:21:37.000 They just charge it by USB, so you always have them charge.

01:21:40.000 It's like putting on sunglasses while you're laying in bed.

01:21:42.000 Do you think one day we'll look back in the day and we'll laugh about the days when they used to have to wear glasses to have 3D?

01:21:47.000 Dude, it'll be silly fucks.

01:21:49.000 But it'll be like it's ancient dated technology.

01:21:51.000 I mean, essentially, we're trying to distort an image.

01:21:54.000 If you take your glasses off and you watch The Hobbit, it's craziness.

01:21:57.000 It's like you can barely see what the fuck's happening.

01:21:59.000 It's gross.

01:21:59.000 But then you put the glasses on.

01:22:01.000 So somehow or another, they need this distortion and they pass through just a simple lens.

01:22:05.000 Just a little simple lens that's really close to your eyes in order to make it happen.

01:22:09.000 I don't accept that.

01:22:10.000 I say nonsense.

01:22:12.000 I think these crazy fucks and the Hadron Collider people, they're doing some nutty things, man.

01:22:18.000 They're going to be able to figure out 3D.

01:22:20.000 3D is going to be, I think eventually it's going to be everyone's going to have, instead of a television, you're just going to have like one of those help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope, one of those little things that she's stuck on R2D to.

01:22:29.000 And you're going to sit that bitch down and step back and it's going to make a show for you right in front of you. 1.00

01:22:33.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 And everyone's going to be doing it everywhere, too.

01:22:35.000 You're going to be like in the parking lot, there's going to be like people are going to throw advertisements in front of you and you're like, get that fucking thing out of here.

01:22:40.000 You know, I don't want to see this hologram thing.

01:22:42.000 Yeah, you're going to be walking down the street and you're going to watch like see-through people have sword fights right in front of you.

01:22:48.000 Is that a real person?

01:22:49.000 It's a ghost?

01:22:49.000 Is that a hologram?

01:22:50.000 It's a hologram, right?

01:22:51.000 It's going to be totally Pokemon shit.

01:22:53.000 Big fucking dudes hacking at each other with swords right in the middle of a fucking intersection of people driving right through them.

01:23:00.000 Oh, it's putting UFC fights on the road.

01:23:04.000 Just drop it.

01:23:05.000 Yeah, right where people are trying to walk through.

01:23:07.000 Dude, head kicking each other.

01:23:10.000 Like escort guys in Vegas where they're flipping the tickets.

01:23:12.000 Now they're just going to be interrupting your fights with the girls fucking giving blowjobs to other guys. 1.00

01:23:18.000 Yeah.

01:23:18.000 Trannies.

01:23:19.000 Yeah.

01:23:19.000 It's going to be all over the street.

01:23:21.000 You're going to watch tranny sex coming out of a hologram. 1.00

01:23:24.000 People are going to outlaw that.

01:23:25.000 They're going to go, this is, I'm trying to walk my kid to school.

01:23:27.000 I'm fucking looking at trannies banging each other right there live. 1.00

01:23:30.000 Yeah, what would the censorship be?

01:23:32.000 There'd be like a smoke that you throw on the ground that like blocks the hologram or something.

01:23:35.000 Well, it makes me wonder, like, is there, like, the internet is the only place that we've ever had in our whole life where there's no censorship.

01:23:42.000 The internet is just, it's the wild west and it's free.

01:23:46.000 How much of your life do you spend on the internet?

01:23:48.000 A lot.

01:23:49.000 A lot.

01:23:50.000 Most people are on the internet for at least an hour a day.

01:23:53.000 You know, more so if you get a chance to be in front of a computer at work and you don't have a lot of shit to do.

01:23:58.000 A lot of people are online all the fucking time.

01:24:00.000 How much different is that than real life?

01:24:03.000 And imagine if real life had no censorship at all either.

01:24:07.000 In real life, you could buy all the drugs you wanted, get a gun whenever you wanted to, get a car wherever you wanted to.

01:24:12.000 I mean, you do everything that you could do online, you could do in real life with no restrictions whatsoever.

01:24:19.000 Sounds like metrics.

01:24:21.000 You wonder how much regulation do we actually need and how much could just exist under common sense?

01:24:27.000 I mean, could you allow someone to really stockpile a fucking huge ammo dump and have an armory of vehicles and tanks and shit?

01:24:36.000 Oh man, you got to stop doing that.

01:24:38.000 would you have to knock on their door and go, What are you doing over here?

01:24:41.000 Why do you have a B1 bomber? 0.89

01:24:43.000 What the fuck's going on?

01:24:44.000 You got a stealth fighter playing in your backyard, bitch. 1.00

01:24:46.000 What are you planning on doing, man?

01:24:48.000 I live right now the street.

01:24:49.000 Yeah, hi.

01:24:50.000 Nice to meet you.

01:24:51.000 Yeah, our kids go to school together, I think?

01:24:52.000 Yeah, okay, cool.

01:24:54.000 Are you an army?

01:24:55.000 What's happening here?

01:24:57.000 Should there be any restrictions whatsoever?

01:24:59.000 And if there weren't, if you look at the way people have sort of learned how to express themselves on the internet, I think the internet went through like a real bad time.

01:25:07.000 And now I think it's slowly starting to level out where people are less and less tolerant of assholes, less and less tolerant of trolls, less and less.

01:25:16.000 That dude that got busted that was on Reddit, you know, about that story with a guy.

01:25:20.000 He was doing a lot of creepy shit online, like, because that's what got him off, like, posting fucked up pictures and saying fucked up things about things.

01:25:28.000 And these people found out who he was in real life, and they contacted his employer, and he got fired for operating under a pseudonym online, under a completely different name than his own, not representing their company in any way, shape, or form.

01:25:42.000 But because they established that it was him, they went after him and decided that his actions and the way he was behaving outside during his own free time, they could fire him for that, regardless of how well he performed at work, which is really weird.

01:25:56.000 But it also sends a message.

01:25:58.000 It sends a message that, well, no, we're more concerned with humanity than we are with this idea that you have these irrefutable rights.

01:26:08.000 Like, yes, you have irrefutable rights, but if you're posting pictures of dead kids online, you might be a piece of shit, and I might not want you to have anything to do with my life.

01:26:19.000 And just because we work together, like, I should be able to remove that.

01:26:23.000 I should be able to stop that.

01:26:25.000 So in that sense, I think it's sort of the anonymity is slowly slipping away.

01:26:32.000 But for people that have never been anonymous, like me or Brian, I think you're better off that way.

01:26:38.000 You're better off.

01:26:39.000 It would be better off for everybody if we all figured out how to treat each other a lot better online and be chill.

01:26:48.000 And I think people, because there was no repercussions for a long time, they just, they had an experience that they shouldn't have had.

01:26:55.000 They had the ability to affect someone with nothing coming back your way.

01:26:59.000 No social repercussions.

01:27:01.000 And that's like not normal for humans.

01:27:03.000 You can't do that in real life, right?

01:27:04.000 Why should you be able to do it online?

01:27:06.000 Well, we're not set up for it.

01:27:07.000 We're not.

01:27:08.000 And I think this is a total, it's such a totally new experience that I think human beings, our culture and I think all cultures in general, went into this completely ignorant to the repercussions of it, completely ignorant to how it was going to operate and what the effects of human beings and human instincts are going to be when confronted with this completely non-human scenario.

01:27:32.000 The ability to communicate with people who don't know who you are and not just communicate, like yell something out from a hill, but write detailed shit about them, you know, and send some mean, you know, angry letter to them.

01:27:45.000 And you could do that in this burst and not have anything come back to you.

01:27:49.000 And because of that, because people have this unique ability to reach people like that, it presented this thing that hadn't been resolved yet in the human body and in the human culture.

01:27:59.000 And like, you know, our ways of resolving conflicts one-on-one have been pretty clearly established.

01:28:05.000 You know, the way people should and shouldn't treat each other.

01:28:07.000 It's in the Bible.

01:28:08.000 You know, love your brother and all that shit.

01:28:10.000 It's all like the idea is, look, this is the best way to operate a world.

01:28:14.000 We have to figure out how to resolve these conflicts when they appear.

01:28:17.000 Well, these conflicts had never appeared before.

01:28:19.000 They literally didn't exist until our generation.

01:28:22.000 And that's something that is escaping a lot of people.

01:28:24.000 A lot of people are not, they haven't really truly wrapped their heads on the insanity that is the internet and what it's done to human culture.

01:28:31.000 But I think we've sort of wobbled it and have got a way better handle on it now.

01:28:36.000 And I think that you see way less and less douchey shit, way less and less people that just want to be assholes.

01:28:42.000 It's less.

01:28:43.000 I think if you could see statistics on internet trolling and douchebags on Twitter and stuff like that, I think it's slowly tapered off.

01:28:49.000 I really do.

01:28:50.000 I don't think it's just for me.

01:28:51.000 I think it's always going to be a good supply.

01:28:54.000 Always.

01:28:55.000 Just like there's always going to be monkeys that throw shit at each other.

01:28:58.000 There's always.

01:28:59.000 But I think it's better.

01:29:01.000 Yeah, I've even had people online on poker talk crap to me and say how they're going to mess me up in Vegas.

01:29:06.000 And then I see them at the table and they're like, hey, I'm so-and-so.

01:29:09.000 Like they're trying to be all nice to me.

01:29:10.000 And I'm just like, wait a second.

01:29:13.000 You were talking this shit to me online and now you're trying to be my friend.

01:29:16.000 What's going on?

01:29:17.000 Do you confront them?

01:29:18.000 I don't, but I should.

01:29:19.000 Poker players are like, it's a weird way to make a living, man.

01:29:23.000 Oh, you know?

01:29:24.000 I've met a lot of poker players.

01:29:26.000 And first of all, they're all like really intense dudes.

01:29:29.000 Everyone is like an intense and like they're all very focused.

01:29:34.000 When you're having conversations with them, there's no dumb professional poker players.

01:29:38.000 It just doesn't seem like you can really pull that off.

01:29:40.000 Are there?

01:29:41.000 That I don't know about?

01:29:42.000 Well, dumb how?

01:29:43.000 That must be.

01:29:44.000 College-ish, like snowman or just intelligence in general.

01:29:47.000 There's a big difference, in my opinion, between intelligence and education.

01:29:50.000 I've met a lot of people that are really educated, but stupid as fuck.

01:29:53.000 Absolutely.

01:29:54.000 They just repeat shit, and you're like, wait a minute, are you not getting the connection to why that doesn't fucking work?

01:29:59.000 There's no thinking on their own.

01:30:00.000 It's repeating shit.

01:30:01.000 But then there's a lot of people that have barely a high school diploma and they're sharp as fuck.

01:30:05.000 Well, you know, it's interesting you just said that there was a kid online that didn't graduate high school, yet he made millions of dollars playing poker.

01:30:11.000 Quentin Tarantino didn't graduate high school.

01:30:13.000 Yeah, most of them.

01:30:13.000 There you go.

01:30:14.000 We were just talking about Django.

01:30:15.000 There you go.

01:30:15.000 Dropouts.

01:30:16.000 There's your God.

01:30:17.000 A lot of people, I mean, there's a lot of successful people that I know even that just didn't finish.

01:30:22.000 I mean, I dropped out of college with one semester to go.

01:30:24.000 Oh, I didn't finish college.

01:30:26.000 I did three years at UMass Boston, and the only reason I did it was because I didn't want people thinking I was a loser.

01:30:32.000 I didn't even come close to graduating.

01:30:34.000 I had a lot of shit that I, like, if I wanted to, like, first of all, I was taking like elective courses.

01:30:38.000 I was taking whatever courses I wanted to because it was on like, they have a thing, like they had, like, different programs for people that had jobs.

01:30:46.000 You know, I forget what they call it, adult education or something.

01:30:48.000 Yeah, yeah, secondary education, remember?

01:30:49.000 Yeah, because I took like a year off and then I started doing this, and I was barely paying attention.

01:30:53.000 I was barely, you know, I've learned way more through documentaries than I did for those three years of showing up at this building to wonder what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

01:31:02.000 I was just talking about this the other day.

01:31:04.000 I was like, are colleges necessary anymore?

01:31:06.000 I mean, you could take your iPhone and figure out everything you need to figure out about, you know, French or Spanish or anything you want to learn.

01:31:11.000 You can do it online.

01:31:12.000 What's dope about college is that college gives you an opportunity to be excited by new and different people and new points of view.

01:31:20.000 And I missed that.

01:31:22.000 I missed that aspect of college.

01:31:24.000 The social aspect.

01:31:25.000 Yeah, I couldn't go anywhere.

01:31:27.000 Well, I could, but when I had graduated high school, some of my competitive taekwondo days.

01:31:32.000 So from 18 through 21 was like my most competitive days, like when I was completely dedicated to it.

01:31:38.000 And the idea of me going somewhere else to go to school was like, there's no way, I couldn't, I had a really good instructor and a really good team.

01:31:44.000 I was like, I'm not going anywhere.

01:31:46.000 I'm not going to move somewhere and go to school.

01:31:47.000 For what?

01:31:48.000 I mean, I don't even know what the fuck I want to do.

01:31:49.000 I had no aspirations whatsoever.

01:31:51.000 But I got so tired of everybody telling me, you know, what are you doing after school?

01:31:56.000 Oh, you know, for a while, I would say I was training for the Olympics because I was trying to make the U.S. Olympic taekwondo team.

01:32:01.000 And then I gave up on saying that when I started kickboxing.

01:32:05.000 And I started getting beat up.

01:32:07.000 And I was like, oh, man, taekwondo has some fucking holes in it, man.

01:32:10.000 So then I stopped wanting to do that.

01:32:12.000 But the idea that I was just trying to find some other path in life and figure out what I wanted to do, like, is terrifying to say to someone because all I heard out of my own mouth was, oh, I'm a fucking loser.

01:32:24.000 And I'm always going to be a loser.

01:32:25.000 I'm never going to figure it out.

01:32:27.000 I'm never going to be able to take care of myself.

01:32:29.000 That's all I thought of when I said it.

01:32:31.000 But today, shit, man, you could learn at least as much online as you could in a school.

01:32:38.000 Most likely more because you're going to have way more access to information than just the few books that this one guy subscribes to you.

01:32:45.000 Yeah, it's basically just someone reading out of a book to you.

01:32:48.000 Yeah.

01:32:48.000 Is what it is.

01:32:49.000 But not only that, you can do it all day, every day, wherever you are.

01:32:52.000 The crazy thing about online, especially if you've got a big phone, like one of those tablet phones or something like that, you could fucking read like websites and books.

01:33:01.000 You could do it all day long.

01:33:04.000 As long as you have a signal that can come to you, you have access to pretty much every question that's ever been asked.

01:33:10.000 If not the answer, a slew of different competing answers that you might not even get, especially if you go to like Brigham Young University and meet up with the Mormon. 0.68

01:33:19.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:33:20.000 You got to be careful.

01:33:22.000 That's got to be fucking the most devastating thing for religions, the access to information.

01:33:27.000 The more people are finding out, like, well, I remember when I was a Catholic, right?

01:33:30.000 And we had friends that were Jewish because, you know, you live in New York.

01:33:35.000 When I was a little kid, I was living in New Jersey.

01:33:37.000 Like, that area of the East Coast was filled with Jewish people.

01:33:40.000 But I didn't understand what a Jew, I didn't even understand what it meant.

01:33:43.000 I would just hear someone say, oh, is he Jewish?

01:33:45.000 Yeah, he's the guy.

01:33:46.000 You know, that's Mr. Feinstein and his wife, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:33:49.000 I didn't know what that meant.

01:33:50.000 And then one day when I was in Catholic school, somebody, they were talking about different religions and Judaism got brought up.

01:34:00.000 And someone said, like the priest said something about the, you know, that the Jewish religion.

01:34:06.000 I was like, the Jewish?

01:34:07.000 Wait, that's Judaism?

01:34:09.000 What is that?

01:34:10.000 We're Judeo-Christian.

01:34:11.000 And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:34:13.000 Wait a minute.

01:34:14.000 Is there more than one version of this story?

01:34:16.000 Like, are you fucking shitting me?

01:34:18.000 Just that.

01:34:19.000 Just them telling me about competing versions of the story.

01:34:23.000 If I could have gotten online when I was six and Googled, is religion bullshit?

01:34:28.000 And just gone through every fucking piece of information, which by the way, when you're six, you could fucking read, kinda, you know?

01:34:36.000 You could probably actually do this.

01:34:38.000 And you could figure out if you could ask, like, dad, what does collaborate mean?

01:34:42.000 You know, like, there's a few of those you'd have to throw out there.

01:34:44.000 But basically, you could get a pretty good idea of why you shouldn't pay attention to these crazy fucks, because every one of their story, they swear by, and every one of their stories is different than everybody else's fucking story.

01:34:53.000 And someone's got to be wrong.

01:34:54.000 You know, it's funny, my friend Stephanie, she posted on her Facebook the other day a picture of two people with reading, you know, Bibles, different, you know, beliefs, and it said, oh, yours is filled with BS too.

01:35:07.000 And she got someone from Saudi Arabia that just went nuts on her for, you know, and just defended his beliefs blindly. 0.97

01:35:15.000 You know.

01:35:16.000 Allah!

01:35:16.000 Allah has blessed me.

01:35:17.000 I used to do a whole bit about how Israelis and Palestinians, the Arabs and the Israelis are constantly at war, but they look so similar to each other. 1.00

01:35:27.000 And that was because they were sneaking over and getting forbidden sex.

01:35:31.000 And they were having angry, like, you know, angry opposing religion sex. 0.87

01:35:35.000 Like, you believe the crazy shit.

01:35:37.000 No, you believe the crazy shit.

01:35:39.000 Did you see that episode of Kirby Enthusiasm where Larry David takes back Palestinian lady from a chicken joint that he's not supposed to go to? 1.00

01:35:50.000 Well, he's, wait a minute, he's single now?

01:35:52.000 Larry David?

01:35:53.000 Yeah, in Kirby Enthusiasm?

01:35:54.000 In the show.

01:35:55.000 Oh, he did get a workshop.

01:35:55.000 In the show, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:57.000 That's interesting.

01:35:58.000 Who the fuck ever does that?

01:35:59.000 They're friends, kind of, in the show.

01:36:01.000 Yeah, they're kind of friends.

01:36:02.000 I'm trying to get both of you.

01:36:02.000 So now he gets new chicks.

01:36:04.000 And Joe, Larry Jackson.

01:36:04.000 I like it.

01:36:05.000 She's sitting there.

01:36:06.000 Can I swear on this?

01:36:07.000 Oh, fuck you.

01:36:08.000 Are you serious?

01:36:09.000 She's saying.

01:36:10.000 Did you really just ask that?

01:36:11.000 I did ask that.

01:36:14.000 She's saying, fuck me, Jew, when she's on top of it. 1.00

01:36:17.000 I like it.

01:36:18.000 Yeah, well, that's sort of an old bit.

01:36:20.000 Like, who used to do that?

01:36:21.000 There's a black guy that used to do about dating a white girl and making her say, fuck me with your big nigger cock. 1.00

01:36:30.000 And then Sam Tripoli says it every other podcast.

01:36:30.000 Yeah.

01:36:33.000 Does Sam do that too?

01:36:34.000 Like every podcast?

01:36:35.000 When does he like to say that?

01:36:36.000 He likes to say that where he thinks he's being edgy.

01:36:37.000 Is that what it is?

01:36:38.000 I don't know.

01:36:40.000 Yeah, that idea of the opposing, getting it off.

01:36:44.000 That existed for a long time.

01:36:46.000 The tension.

01:36:47.000 Forbidden.

01:36:48.000 Forbidden fruits.

01:36:50.000 The black girl in the white neighborhood. 1.00

01:36:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:54.000 Yeah, we're silly bitches, aren't we? 1.00

01:36:56.000 When it comes to forbidden fruit?

01:36:58.000 Yeah, we want what we can't have.

01:37:00.000 Do you do anything to tell the fighters how to concentrate on their diet when they're trying to like?

01:37:07.000 But as far as not thinking negative things, because a lot of times that's all they think about.

01:37:11.000 It's like, fuck, I wish I could eat.

01:37:12.000 Fuck, I wish I could eat.

01:37:14.000 No, I haven't actually dealt with that yet.

01:37:16.000 No, it's never come up.

01:37:17.000 I think that would be something.

01:37:18.000 I don't know.

01:37:19.000 Mike Dulce is one of the best guys at getting guys to make weight.

01:37:24.000 And he's also like, he's got a good mindset for coaching, good mindset for not bullshitting with you and straightening it.

01:37:31.000 And he gets them to this comp, like, we're eating healthy foods.

01:37:34.000 You're not killing yourself.

01:37:35.000 Your body's fine.

01:37:36.000 And they're like, yeah, body's fine.

01:37:38.000 I'm fine.

01:37:39.000 he can fucking tick tuck, tick, tuck. 0.91

01:37:42.000 But if you go on one of those spirals, it's like any other spiral.

01:37:44.000 If you get into that, fuck, I wish I could eat spiral.

01:37:47.000 Fuck, I wish I could do this.

01:37:48.000 I wish I could have a cigarette.

01:37:49.000 Fuck, I wish I could have a cigarette.

01:37:50.000 The moment you do that, you're putting yourself down that path.

01:37:52.000 I've seen people like this motherfucker, he started smoking cigarettes again because his cat hurt its foot.

01:37:58.000 Stop and think about that.

01:37:59.000 He was like looking for an excuse so much.

01:38:00.000 Fucking cat, cat hurt her foot. 1.00

01:38:02.000 What do I do, man?

01:38:03.000 The fucking cat's gonna limp now.

01:38:05.000 This is crazy.

01:38:06.000 It wasn't because of that.

01:38:08.000 Like I've said, throw that cat in the bathroom with a litter box, come back in a couple days.

01:38:12.000 That was a ton of shit.

01:38:13.000 And that was just that thing that snapped the break.

01:38:15.000 Big bowl of food, a fresh litter box, locker in the kitchen.

01:38:19.000 Go to Palm Springs for the weekend, go somewhere.

01:38:21.000 Let that cat figure this shit out. 1.00

01:38:23.000 Let it do what it would do if it went to the cat emergency room out there in the wild.

01:38:26.000 Oh, it doesn't exist?

01:38:28.000 Oh.

01:38:28.000 Well, I guess then cats, you're not supposed to fix them.

01:38:32.000 Does your cat for no reason in the middle of night, like at four in the morning, just start going, like, what the fuck is that shit?

01:38:37.000 They're calling out.

01:38:38.000 System updates?

01:38:38.000 They call out.

01:38:39.000 They get bored.

01:38:40.000 They do it at night sometimes.

01:38:41.000 But the boy doesn't do that.

01:38:43.000 The boy's really quiet.

01:38:44.000 The boy doesn't really do that.

01:38:45.000 But the girl, she's, first of all, my girl cat's super fucking needy, man. 0.79

01:38:49.000 And she'll be like, meow, meow, meow.

01:38:52.000 Anytime I'm near her, you met meows.

01:38:53.000 She's like that.

01:38:54.000 Like, anytime you near her, meow, meow, meow.

01:38:56.000 And she only does that to me. 1.00

01:38:57.000 Because my wife is allergic to cats. 1.00

01:38:59.000 So she can't be like fucking with this cat. 1.00

01:39:01.000 So the cat gets mostly affection from me.

01:39:03.000 So when I'm around, but at the middle of the night, you just hear, meow, meow, meow, wow.

01:39:14.000 And I got to open the door and go, shut the fuck up. 0.97

01:39:17.000 Jesus, you needy bitch. 1.00

01:39:19.000 The cat father clock.

01:39:20.000 They don't even seem to understand as well as dogs do.

01:39:22.000 Meow wow.

01:39:24.000 Mow wow. 0.99

01:39:25.000 Exactly.

01:39:26.000 And she's not horny.

01:39:28.000 She's 16 years old.

01:39:29.000 And she's fixed.

01:39:31.000 Okay, so that's not the issue.

01:39:32.000 She's just being a needy bitch. 1.00

01:39:34.000 Mow wow. 0.99

01:39:36.000 Most annoying sound ever.

01:39:40.000 I don't have a computer to get on.

01:39:43.000 So I'm fucking bored.

01:39:45.000 You don't have any mice in this house.

01:39:49.000 It's funny watching babies crush ants.

01:39:52.000 They don't give a fuck about ants.

01:39:54.000 Ew, yaki, kill, death. 1.00

01:39:55.000 My little two-year-old just crushing ants.

01:39:58.000 And then goes like this with their little bodies.

01:39:59.000 Just flicks her finger and they're out of her consciousness.

01:40:02.000 Like, she would never do that with a mouse.

01:40:04.000 Like, you couldn't stomp a mouse and just, like, kick its body into a corner somewhere.

01:40:08.000 You'd be like, oh, look at this mess.

01:40:10.000 You got to clean up.

01:40:11.000 But there's a certain level of dead body where we just tolerate it laying around.

01:40:14.000 And that's ants.

01:40:16.000 You can't do it with a roach.

01:40:17.000 You got to clean up a roach.

01:40:18.000 Roach are big.

01:40:19.000 They're disgusting.

01:40:20.000 Nah, fly you got to pick up unless you're a dude.

01:40:23.000 If you're a dude, you're watching TV and swat a fly.

01:40:25.000 You're like, oh yeah, I got him.

01:40:26.000 Fuck him.

01:40:27.000 Like on a table.

01:40:28.000 You might get up during a commercial and wipe it off.

01:40:30.000 I usually just flick it and forget about it.

01:40:32.000 But like a roach, that's big enough where you got to care.

01:40:35.000 But when you get to like mice and shit like that, anything that's got hair, you can't just kill it.

01:40:41.000 Caterpillar.

01:40:42.000 What is that?

01:40:42.000 You got to clean it up.

01:40:44.000 We obviously have a detachment based on the fact that it's like an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing with a little tiny ant, and you crush it.

01:40:51.000 But the other thing is that there's so many of them, it's hard to give a fuck about them.

01:40:55.000 That's true.

01:40:56.000 There's so many ants that the mass of the weight of ants on Earth is about the same as the weight of humans.

01:41:05.000 Yeah.

01:41:06.000 Google that.

01:41:07.000 Google that.

01:41:07.000 That's real.

01:41:08.000 I'm not making that up.

01:41:09.000 Sleep tonight.

01:41:10.000 Of course it's an estimation because I haven't been asked to be on any scale.

01:41:10.000 Yeah.

01:41:14.000 Have you?

01:41:14.000 I mean, they're really counting this.

01:41:15.000 Yeah, what is that?

01:41:17.000 Is there a census where you have to fucking show up somewhere and count?

01:41:20.000 Or do girls get to mail in their own weight? 1.00

01:41:22.000 Because then we got to start adding pounds all over the fucking place because no one's honest, right?

01:41:27.000 You know how those boner pills are made from ants?

01:41:30.000 They're made from ants.

01:41:31.000 Yeah, they're supposedly those boner pills.

01:41:33.000 What are they called again?

01:41:35.000 Hot rod 6,000 or 5,000.

01:41:37.000 Hot rod 5,000.

01:41:38.000 But supposedly there's ants in them.

01:41:40.000 They extract ants.

01:41:41.000 And I'm thinking, wow, so that means there's somebody, and it's like an ant farmer that has to extract the ants.

01:41:47.000 And then so like you buy those little ant farms, you're making boners.

01:41:51.000 Stop.

01:41:52.000 First of all, stop.

01:41:53.000 You got to, before you start talking about this online, Google and find out if they actually make this shit with ants.

01:41:58.000 it does I mean why would I why would I read a bottle and be like oh I guess it's Because I can show you five websites that say that.

01:42:07.000 No, no, no.

01:42:08.000 You can show me one website that has one article and they all copied it and put it on their website.

01:42:13.000 I looked.

01:42:14.000 It's the same exact story, verbatim.

01:42:16.000 Well, this is on the actual bottle, so unless they just decided to like it.

01:42:16.000 Okay.

01:42:21.000 So the bottle says, okay, that's.

01:42:23.000 It says it has ants.

01:42:25.000 It's like something ants extract.

01:42:25.000 It's in silence.

01:42:28.000 It's an ant extract?

01:42:29.000 Type in X ant extract.

01:42:29.000 Yeah.

01:42:31.000 That's what they're calling it, man.

01:42:32.000 It's fucking Sialis.

01:42:34.000 You know that Brazilian wandering spider?

01:42:36.000 That's what they're trying to figure out with that thing, why it causes erections. 1.00

01:42:40.000 And they're going to try to turn that into the next super Viagra. 1.00

01:42:44.000 You've heard of that shit?

01:42:44.000 The Brazilian wandering spider, it kills you and gives you this unbelievable boner before you die.

01:42:50.000 Most people die of it, but apparently if you live, your dick's done.

01:42:54.000 It's like taking an engine and just redlining it.

01:42:58.000 Just, you know, it's hitting the fucking the bottom of the tachometer and then it just explodes.

01:43:04.000 The engine blows up.

01:43:05.000 Yeah.

01:43:06.000 So most people, they don't live from it, but if you do live, your dick's broken.

01:43:10.000 So they're trying to take that, as smart people would, and turn that into a boner pill.

01:43:14.000 I don't know, man.

01:43:15.000 That sounds a little dangerous.

01:43:16.000 Here's ant extract.

01:43:17.000 This one's just called super ant, and you can buy it for $34, and it's just extracted ants, and they're wildly used in Asia to promote strength, sexual vigor.

01:43:28.000 Vigor.

01:43:29.000 Vigoir.

01:43:31.000 It's a powerful anti-aging thing.

01:43:34.000 So we have all these ants.

01:43:35.000 There's so much fucking ants that we could fucking all have boners.

01:43:39.000 I don't think they're the same forever.

01:43:40.000 Knucklehead.

01:43:41.000 I don't think you're talking about the same ants.

01:43:43.000 I bet that's a very specific type of ant.

01:43:45.000 What does the FDA have to say about it?

01:43:46.000 50% ground, raw ant.

01:43:48.000 50% ant extract.

01:43:50.000 Does it say that?

01:43:50.000 Ew.

01:43:51.000 Ground, raw ants and ant extracts.

01:43:53.000 Yep.

01:43:54.000 What is extract?

01:43:55.000 That means they've taken a bunch of ants and extracted it.

01:44:00.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:44:00.000 Each pill you take is like 5,000 million ants probably.

01:44:04.000 Their little boners all adds up.

01:44:06.000 An analogy is that they have celery and celery juice all together in the same bowl, right?

01:44:11.000 The ants and the ant extract.

01:44:13.000 They just crush up the ants.

01:44:15.000 Yeah, so the ant is like the hard part, and then the extract is like the gooey stuff that keeps it all together.

01:44:21.000 Yeah, meanwhile, it probably does nothing.

01:44:23.000 I'm going to create a salamander pill tomorrow that makes you live 10 years longer.

01:44:26.000 It's got rather views.

01:44:28.000 People buy it.

01:44:29.000 I might give you one of these hot.

01:44:30.000 Duncan swears by it now.

01:44:32.000 I wonder who writes these.

01:44:34.000 This is one of supplement critiques.

01:44:36.000 And it's like all talking about how hard your cock is. 0.80

01:44:41.000 Yeah.

01:44:42.000 Oh, I've heard of this stuff before, though.

01:44:44.000 It's called Uri Coma Longfolia.

01:44:50.000 And it's supposed to be a natural testosterone booster.

01:44:53.000 Also, this stuff, I think this stuff has a lot of shit in it that probably would give you a boner.

01:44:59.000 Whether it's the ant, maybe that's...

01:45:02.000 It's just one of the ingredients in this.

01:45:05.000 But that longfulia shit, that is supposed to be a testosterone booster.

01:45:09.000 There's a few of those.

01:45:10.000 There's like something called Tongat Ali.

01:45:12.000 That's supposed to be a natural.

01:45:13.000 And then there's Tribulus, which everybody knows, which apparently varies pretty widely in strength and efficacy.

01:45:20.000 I think it's sort of like garlic or some things like you'll get garlic and it's not that strong.

01:45:26.000 And sometimes you'll get it.

01:45:26.000 You're like, holy shit, this is powerful garlic.

01:45:29.000 Or like the way a tomato tastes, like a beefsteak tomato from someone's backyard versus one of those pale tomatoes.

01:45:35.000 I think you get that same sort of shit with a lot of these herbal supplements.

01:45:40.000 I bet if you could get that stuff like from the plant instead of like some ground up powdered bullshit, I bet if you could get like tribulus.

01:45:47.000 I think tribulus is a root, right?

01:45:49.000 Is it a root?

01:45:50.000 I'm not sure.

01:45:51.000 I bet if you get that shit right from the tree, it'd make your dick like a goddamn crowbar.

01:45:56.000 I found out you shouldn't take any of these pills if you do ecstasy.

01:45:59.000 At the same time, you could like fuck your shit up really bad.

01:46:01.000 You'd break your dick like that.

01:46:02.000 No, your heart.

01:46:03.000 Your heart.

01:46:04.000 You're going to go up.

01:46:04.000 Maybe your heart, bitch.

01:46:05.000 My heart would be fine.

01:46:07.000 But that seems like the best mix, but it.

01:46:11.000 Yeah, that's what Eddie Bravo calls fucking.

01:46:13.000 Fuck ecstasy.

01:46:13.000 Phone or flipping.

01:46:14.000 Oh, really?

01:46:15.000 Yeah, just take Viagra, crazy.

01:46:17.000 You don't have to take these nutty pills.

01:46:18.000 No, no, no.

01:46:18.000 But that's what I'm saying.

01:46:19.000 You shouldn't take Viagra in ecstasy or any of this stuff because if it has any kind of the Viagra or slot, you're not supposed to take that with ecstasy.

01:46:26.000 There's some real dangers there.

01:46:28.000 Yeah, it fucks your heart up.

01:46:28.000 What?

01:46:30.000 Bullshit.

01:46:30.000 Google it.

01:46:31.000 Let's see.

01:46:31.000 Don't take Viagra with ecstasy.

01:46:32.000 Viagra ecstasy.

01:46:34.000 I learned it on whatever, that Arrowin. 0.93

01:46:37.000 Oh, really?

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:38.000 Okay, Arrowwood.

01:46:39.000 Yeah, Arrowid.

01:46:40.000 I still did it, but whatever.

01:46:43.000 Well, you are a little bit on the edge, and you're a wild man.

01:46:47.000 Yeah, let's see.

01:46:48.000 Don't take Viagra with ecstasy.

01:46:49.000 Secastasy.

01:46:51.000 Don't mix. 0.96

01:46:52.000 But I know so many people that say it's awesome.

01:46:54.000 Oh, yeah, it's awesome because they don't know you shouldn't be doing it.

01:46:57.000 Well, and you shouldn't be drinking either.

01:46:58.000 Yeah, well, you stopped that.

01:46:59.000 That's all this stuff kills you.

01:47:00.000 Yeah.

01:47:01.000 You smoke secretary? 0.99

01:47:02.000 I don't usually talk about taking ecstasy.

01:47:04.000 When I'm on ecstasy, I usually don't drink that much.

01:47:06.000 I usually just drink orange juice and water and Gatorade and fucking tons of water and I pee a lot.

01:47:12.000 There's several dangers in combining Viagra and ecstasy.

01:47:14.000 First of all, ecstasy is a powerful, mind-altering drug that impairs judgment.

01:47:18.000 When I talk like that, it means I'm reading something.

01:47:20.000 Combining it with Viagra encourages people to engage in unsafe and risky sexual behavior, aka Brian's whole life.

01:47:27.000 Okay, so you're saying that it's dangerous because of that?

01:47:30.000 Public health officials feel that this combo will increase the spread of AIDS and or other sexually transmitted diseases.

01:47:35.000 First of all, if you have a real medical issue, here's what happens.

01:47:39.000 First of all, you don't say that first.

01:47:41.000 So I don't believe them.

01:47:42.000 Because saying that first means that the most important thing is to stop butt sex. 0.92

01:47:47.000 That's what you're trying to do.

01:47:48.000 You're trying to stop AIDS.

01:47:50.000 You're trying to say that people are going to get sexually crazy and sexually risky.

01:47:54.000 Okay, that is not an argument.

01:47:55.000 You can't tell me what I'm going to do.

01:47:57.000 You can't tell me, you know, I can handle being drunk.

01:47:59.000 I don't drive when I'm drunk.

01:48:00.000 I don't get fucked up and go butt fuck.

01:48:02.000 OK, what you're telling me is I don't think it's dangerous.

01:48:11.000 I don't think it's dangerous at all.

01:48:13.000 I think it's dangerous for some people.

01:48:14.000 Just like cars are dangerous for some people.

01:48:16.000 If you give them a cell phone, they text.

01:48:18.000 Because some people have shitty fucking self-control.

01:48:20.000 But I don't think that this, there's no, there's no like argument medically in that.

01:48:26.000 I mean, there might be this thing called preopism, and preapism is like the boners that won't go down.

01:48:31.000 But that's just from taking ecstasy.

01:48:33.000 Or Viagra, rather. 0.98

01:48:34.000 That you can get that in a Viagra situation.

01:48:36.000 Like the fact that you're on ecstasy, it doesn't.

01:48:39.000 It makes it worse, though, because now every time your dick has better.

01:48:42.000 Yeah, your dick has a heartbeat, and then you need to have somebody swallow that.

01:48:46.000 I think so few people have that problem with those boner pills where they actually have to go to a doctor.

01:48:51.000 Because if you have that, that's like an erection that you have to go to a doctor for, right?

01:48:56.000 No, no, no.

01:48:58.000 It even says on the commercials, boner is made last up to three days.

01:49:01.000 Well, that disease, though, that priapism, which is the technical term, that can kill your dick just like the Brazilian wandering spider can kill your dick.

01:49:10.000 It's the same thing.

01:49:11.000 The exact same thing, in fact.

01:49:13.000 So don't go into the jungle.

01:49:14.000 Well, if you can OD on Viagra, like, say, what if there's a chick and you're dying to have sex with her and you think tonight is the night, but you're so scared that you're afraid that you're never going to be able to get it up because you're just going to be in a panic.

01:49:25.000 I'm going to take six Viagra just in case.

01:49:25.000 You know, you know what?

01:49:27.000 This bitch is so hot. 1.00

01:49:29.000 And then your crazy ass, which by the way exists, I'm sure some dude exists. 0.61

01:49:33.000 Oh, some of six Viagra's.

01:49:34.000 I'm sure.

01:49:35.000 And just decided they want a dick that's purple. 0.52

01:49:38.000 Just an angry purple, bursting cock, like a ballpark frank. 0.55

01:49:43.000 One of those ballpark franks that you like suspend, not like an amateur would do it and like burn the outside.

01:49:48.000 No, a slow cooker where that motherfucker's greasy and sweating and just getting giganti. 1.00

01:49:55.000 That's what your dick looks like.

01:49:56.000 And you start to slowly see little splits in the seams.

01:49:59.000 We have thin red lines around your cock in various places because the skin is fucking bursting like a stretch mark in a fat lady's stomach after she has three kids inside of it. 1.00

01:50:10.000 And they pop out triplets and then her skin has to go back to normal. 1.00

01:50:13.000 That's what your dick looks like.

01:50:14.000 That kind of stretched out, crazy scar tissue where your dick is just barely holding on like a fucking balloon that's being pushed to the limit.

01:50:27.000 Matt just got up and went to take a leak.

01:50:28.000 That's how thrilling my story was.

01:50:30.000 He's on ecstasy.

01:50:32.000 All the blowing up dick is too much.

01:50:33.000 He's going to go beat off.

01:50:34.000 I guarantee you all right now imagine you on Viagra and you are fucking peaking on ecstasy, and you have this crazy rock hard boner, and you're in a waterbed with this guy. 0.64

01:50:46.000 Those two medications might cause you to just forget that.

01:50:52.000 To forget that's a dude, rather?

01:50:54.000 Yeah, that's a strange look.

01:50:55.000 This guy that Brian pulled up has long, blonde, beautiful hair, and he also has a dark, dark beard.

01:51:03.000 And somebody put that online.

01:51:04.000 Give the dude props.

01:51:05.000 Who is it that put that online?

01:51:06.000 Rhubarb, powerful rhubarb with the Wolverine avatar, so you know he's got some taste.

01:51:06.000 Rhubarb.

01:51:11.000 Powerful X-Men fan.

01:51:13.000 And this guy has some sort of a G-string type thing up his butt crack, and he's very well built and looks very handsome.

01:51:20.000 Perhaps like Middle East or Spanish, maybe a Spaniard, but like a thick, weightlifting Dave Navarro. 0.62

01:51:27.000 There's a nice whip.

01:51:28.000 Thick, solid, and tight, as the underground would say.

01:51:30.000 Yeah, that's a big boy.

01:51:31.000 That guy's got some horsepower to his fucking body.

01:51:33.000 So you're an ex-C with Viagra in a waterbed at a fucking W. It looks like we're going to fight to the death. 0.88

01:51:41.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:51:42.000 That's what I think they're trying to say with those two trucks.

01:51:44.000 Me and that dude are fighting to the death.

01:51:45.000 That's what I think is going to happen.

01:51:50.000 If you insist on pursuing this line of action, sir, we will have to fight to the death.

01:51:59.000 The only other thing is that ecstasy causes high blood pressure and dehydration and that Viagra only worsens those effects.

01:52:06.000 But all that means to me is that you have to drink water.

01:52:09.000 Like, don't be stupid.

01:52:10.000 Yeah, but sometimes when you're on ecstasy, it's hard to even drink anything because you feel like you're going to puke it back up.

01:52:14.000 But see, you know what I didn't hear here?

01:52:15.000 I didn't hear strokes.

01:52:17.000 I didn't hear cancer.

01:52:18.000 I didn't hear any of the shit that would keep me from doing ecstasy and Viagra at the same time.

01:52:23.000 I heard nothing.

01:52:24.000 I heard, if this kills you, you're kind of a pussy. 1.00

01:52:26.000 That's what I heard.

01:52:27.000 That's what I'm getting out of this.

01:52:28.000 If you die from ecstasy and Viagra together, you're kind of a pussy. 0.98

01:52:31.000 Not saying you should take Viagra and ecstasy together.

01:52:34.000 In fact, I'm saying you definitely shouldn't take Viagra and ecstasy together.

01:52:37.000 It doesn't say nothing for the heart.

01:52:38.000 I'm saying you shouldn't for spiritual reasons.

01:52:40.000 I think, you know, when you're involved in that ecstasy-feely, touchy thing, it should be non-sexual.

01:52:46.000 It should be that you can't get it up.

01:52:48.000 Just enjoy it as a human being.

01:52:49.000 Everything doesn't have to be about sticking your dirty loads places, Brian.

01:52:53.000 Okay?

01:52:54.000 It doesn't have to be.

01:52:56.000 It has to be all about you shooting loads all over the place.

01:52:59.000 How about you let it go, pal?

01:53:00.000 Just be in the moment.

01:53:01.000 Hold hands with somebody.

01:53:02.000 Okay.

01:53:04.000 I masturbated and I used a paper towel to clean up and I just threw it on my coffee table.

01:53:08.000 And then my friend came over and we were watching a show and she goes, like, she sneezed and she goes, can I use this paper towel?

01:53:17.000 I'm like, sure.

01:53:17.000 I forgot that was the load paper towel.

01:53:21.000 She's like, oh, what's on this?

01:53:22.000 And it got over here.

01:53:23.000 Oh, nice.

01:53:24.000 Well, that's a nice way to sort of get someone to touch your cum if you're really into that.

01:53:29.000 Yeah, and a great cum DNA is on her hand. 1.00

01:53:31.000 Yeah, if you wanted to cum bomb somebody.

01:53:33.000 Speaking of cum bombing, I got to thank Chris Calver.

01:53:36.000 He's the guy who made this Buddha statue.

01:53:39.000 Can you get that right?

01:53:40.000 I like it.

01:53:41.000 Yeah, check this shit out.

01:53:43.000 Where is it?

01:53:44.000 There it is.

01:53:46.000 That's cool as fuck, man.

01:53:47.000 That's your tattoo.

01:53:48.000 It's exactly like pretty close.

01:53:50.000 He just made it in a physical form with the third eye.

01:53:53.000 You can see it.

01:53:55.000 And by the way, this position that this thing is, I didn't ask him to do this, but what's hilarious is that this is exactly the reason I got this tattoo is because I had this crazy DMT trip that really like made me reassess reality, made me reassess my life.

01:54:13.000 And one of the most humbling aspects of the trip, there was an infinite series of these golden Buddhas that was flying in front of me and trying to explain like positive energy and life to me.

01:54:26.000 And I turned it into a tattoo.

01:54:29.000 And it literally looked like that in the DMT trip.

01:54:33.000 Like literally looked just like this thing.

01:54:36.000 Except it was made out of some strange kind of light and there was no borders to it.

01:54:40.000 If that makes any sense.

01:54:42.000 It does.

01:54:43.000 It shouldn't.

01:54:44.000 DMT has this very intense like almost like a 2D sort of a thing that happens sometimes where everything sort of seems connected on one plane, but then you realize that it's just this crazy sort of fractal thing going on.

01:55:00.000 And when that was happening in that trip, this is what I saw.

01:55:03.000 I saw these things just like everywhere.

01:55:06.000 What do I mean to you?

01:55:07.000 Mental as high as fuck.

01:55:09.000 What kind of question is that?

01:55:10.000 I don't know.

01:55:12.000 You can't, you know, you can't never know.

01:55:14.000 Who knows?

01:55:14.000 When you're on psychedelics, there's so much different shit that's going on.

01:55:18.000 Like for anybody to say, I know that this happened, I know that that happened.

01:55:20.000 And I have said those things, you can't be right.

01:55:23.000 You don't know what the fuck happened.

01:55:25.000 It's all interpretation.

01:55:26.000 And you're on a fucking crazy drug, man.

01:55:28.000 There's a lot going on there.

01:55:30.000 I wouldn't really bank on any one possible answer to any of your shit.

01:55:34.000 True.

01:55:37.000 You play a lot of professional poker?

01:55:39.000 Do you take different things like before you play?

01:55:42.000 Do you smoke?

01:55:43.000 What do you do?

01:55:44.000 Smoke a lot of weed.

01:55:45.000 Depending upon the area.

01:55:47.000 I'm sure.

01:55:47.000 Of course, only where it's legal.

01:55:49.000 Yeah.

01:55:49.000 Because it could be tricky getting some weed and some spots.

01:55:52.000 It could be, yeah.

01:55:53.000 I would say, I mean, Alpha Brain the last year I've been taking, and I've found it to be beneficial, definitely.

01:55:59.000 It makes me more clear about, you know what I mean?

01:56:02.000 Like, when I take it, I just feel like my thoughts are just clear.

01:56:06.000 They're clearer.

01:56:07.000 Well, it feels to me that you're getting what your brain needs in order to function best.

01:56:11.000 It just seems like that, nutrition-wise.

01:56:13.000 How many do you take?

01:56:14.000 Usually just two.

01:56:15.000 Do you take it right before you do an event?

01:56:18.000 How do you do it?

01:56:19.000 Like when I play online, like on Sundays is the biggest day for poker.

01:56:22.000 So I'll take it like when I wake up, like when I'm making my shake or whatever.

01:56:25.000 I take four before every UFC.

01:56:27.000 Four.

01:56:27.000 Four?

01:56:28.000 Yep.

01:56:28.000 It says on here you should only take a maximum of three.

01:56:28.000 Four.

01:56:30.000 Oh, wait, no, I did.

01:56:31.000 Oh, it says do not exceed four capsules in 24 hours.

01:56:31.000 I'm fine.

01:56:34.000 Okay.

01:56:35.000 I violate that, too.

01:56:37.000 Should I say four?

01:56:38.000 You probably don't listen to me, but I do.

01:56:40.000 Yeah, if I'm doing like a UFC, first of all, UFCs, there's a lot that's going on when you're watching a fight, and especially when it comes to describing ground positions, it's really hard to coordinate your thoughts.

01:56:53.000 Like, okay, he's got his right foot in this position.

01:56:55.000 Now, what he's got to do to finish this off is he's got to turn his, and then I'm like, He's got to get his left foot underneath his right knee.

01:57:03.000 And then, like, and I have to get this all done.

01:57:05.000 I have to get it all out in a way that people are going to be able to understand while the fight is actually happening.

01:57:10.000 So, I got to kind of like manage.

01:57:13.000 First of all, I have to see what he's doing.

01:57:14.000 So, I have to know what direction he can do and what the counter could possibly be.

01:57:18.000 And then, when I see a guy going after him, I want to get the audience excited.

01:57:21.000 I want to say, this is where he's in trouble.

01:57:23.000 Like, see this, this is pulling down on his neck, and he's in a bad situation here.

01:57:27.000 And if he could get his leg over here, then it's over.

01:57:29.000 You know, and the alpha brain and any nootropics, I took that Neuro 1 shit before I took alpha brain.

01:57:35.000 I noticed a difference.

01:57:36.000 I noticed that I could get sentences out clear.

01:57:39.000 My thoughts formed.

01:57:43.000 It seemed like they formulated easier.

01:57:45.000 You know, it just makes sense.

01:57:46.000 I mean, they've isolated a bunch of different shit that improves your memory, statistically proven.

01:57:49.000 Like, you can see people have taken it, and then people have.

01:57:52.000 They've done double-blind tests on different nootropics when it comes to memory enhancement.

01:57:57.000 And there's like paracetam and a bunch of different ones that are really interesting.

01:58:02.000 As is caffeine, you know, caffeine has a performance-enhancing quality as well.

01:58:06.000 Absolutely, because you're more jacked up.

01:58:08.000 Yeah, there's some shit going.

01:58:10.000 I mean, that's why you can only take, like, in certain, I think in the Olympics, and I think even in the Nevada State Athletic Commission, they have a limit to how much caffeine a fighter can have in their system.

01:58:18.000 I didn't know that.

01:58:19.000 Yeah, Chale Sunnin actually set us hip to that because he does it in a pill form to make sure that he never takes more than you're supposed to because you could get like Starbucks, like this one, like be a venti.

01:58:31.000 If you have a Starbucks Venti and you compare that to like coffee that you're going to get at Jerry's Deli, this is a big difference.

01:58:37.000 It's a difference, yeah.

01:58:38.000 Depends who makes it too.

01:58:39.000 I mean, it might be just different, you know, put more or less in there.

01:58:42.000 Yeah, the Starbucks ones have insane amounts of caffeine.

01:58:46.000 So it might be possible to actually like piss hot for caffeine if you drank like a bunch of if you drink, I wonder how many you would have to drink, like how many ventis.

01:58:56.000 I bet you could only drink like a couple before you die.

01:59:00.000 No, there's dudes who could drink that shit all day. 0.67

01:59:02.000 Drink that.

01:59:02.000 Really?

01:59:03.000 Dave Foley.

01:59:04.000 Dave Foley got to the point where he was drinking so much coffee a day that he had to drink it black because he was drinking several quarts of half and half a day.

01:59:17.000 That's insane.

01:59:17.000 What?

01:59:18.000 Dude, I'm not bullshitting.

01:59:20.000 He used to.

01:59:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:22.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

01:59:22.000 He loves it.

01:59:23.000 He loves coffee.

01:59:24.000 He used to drink it by the pot.

01:59:25.000 We should get him back on the podcast.

01:59:26.000 I miss that guy.

01:59:27.000 I'd love the fuck out of that dude.

01:59:28.000 He's a great guy.

01:59:32.000 Why isn't the caffeine cont listed for Starbucks beverages?

01:59:35.000 Apparently people want.

01:59:36.000 Caffeine content is variable, and Starbucks currently doesn't have any quantitative caffeine information for all of our beverages.

01:59:42.000 We intend on adding caffeine information in a future upgrade.

01:59:46.000 I love that.

01:59:46.000 Oh, my God.

01:59:47.000 We don't have the...

01:59:49.000 I don't know.

01:59:50.000 Why am I shaking?

01:59:51.000 Why am I shaking if I don't get my coffee?

01:59:54.000 Did they even test it?

01:59:54.000 I don't know.

01:59:56.000 Like, they even know.

01:59:56.000 I wonder if they even test it.

01:59:57.000 They'd probably test it and go, what the fuck?

02:00:00.000 Close the door.

02:00:01.000 Light this place on fire.

02:00:03.000 Kill everybody that saw the results.

02:00:05.000 Like, we got to retreat and figure out what we're going to tell people before we come back.

02:00:08.000 I bet Starbucks, not only would they not test it, they should find out what equipment is used to test caffeine levels and buy them all out and burn them.

02:00:17.000 Blow them up, okay?

02:00:18.000 Because it's really clear we are redlining people to the fucking gills.

02:00:23.000 Oh, I don't think we know what we're doing with a lot of stuff.

02:00:25.000 Yeah, there's apparently there's a caffeine database.

02:00:28.000 You can find out how much different things have in it.

02:00:32.000 And it's all about milligrams per fluid ounce.

02:00:36.000 And like, say, like, if you would go with like a Red Bull, let's see if we could find Red Bull here.

02:00:42.000 Some of them are crazy, man.

02:00:44.000 Holy shit.

02:00:46.000 There's something called 5150 juice.

02:00:48.000 Okay.

02:00:49.000 It has 16,000 milligrams of caffeine per every 500 fluid ounces.

02:01:01.000 I tell you, I live mostly off just a Trenta a day and, you know, coconut water.

02:01:05.000 That doesn't make sense.

02:01:06.000 But hold on a second.

02:01:07.000 That doesn't make any sense.

02:01:08.000 How is it 500 fluid ounces?

02:01:10.000 That's two.

02:01:11.000 Of course it would be much larger than everybody else's because everybody else is like 11 fluid ounces and six fluid ounces.

02:01:17.000 So this is 500 fluid ounces.

02:01:18.000 What are they doing?

02:01:19.000 They're measuring it for a jug?

02:01:21.000 That's so stupid.

02:01:22.000 How the fuck did that even get included?

02:01:24.000 I can't even believe it.

02:01:25.000 Because most people can't do the math to get it down to where it needs to be.

02:01:28.000 500.

02:01:30.000 So what were you saying, Brian?

02:01:31.000 You have a Trenta?

02:01:32.000 Yeah, I'm pretty good on caffeine nowadays.

02:01:34.000 I usually just drink a Trenta and then, you know, coconut water and water most of the time now.

02:01:41.000 But I've been on those five-hour energy drinks a lot lately.

02:01:44.000 Is there anything negative with drinking those?

02:01:47.000 Because they're mostly, what, B12?

02:01:49.000 Yeah, no, B12 is water-soluble.

02:01:51.000 You piss it out if you have too much in it.

02:01:52.000 It's not dangerous.

02:01:53.000 It's very healthy.

02:01:54.000 B12 is a really good supplement.

02:01:56.000 More people should be on it.

02:01:57.000 B12 is great for your immune system.

02:01:59.000 B12 is just a good all-around energy supplement.

02:02:02.000 It's so good that people that work crazy hours, video games, sometimes like those guys that are forced to work like 16-hour days, like many days in a row when they're trying to complete people on sets, they give them B12 shots.

02:02:14.000 It's like super, super common.

02:02:16.000 They give you intramuscular B12 shots.

02:02:19.000 Wrestlers do that.

02:02:20.000 A lot of wrestlers do that before they compete.

02:02:22.000 They'll take like an intramuscular B12.

02:02:23.000 Yeah, so it's that healthy for you.

02:02:26.000 So it's way better than Starbucks.

02:02:28.000 Because Starbucks, I mean, although it is delicious and I'm drinking some right now, there's a lot of fucking caffeine in that bitch. 1.00

02:02:34.000 A Venti Starbucks brewed coffee, a regular cup of coffee that you would get at a diner, the average cup of coffee, an eight-ounce cup of coffee, has 180 milligrams of caffeine.

02:02:45.000 A Venti Starbucks has 415 as tested in this test.

02:02:51.000 So I don't know if, you know, this test, who knows?

02:02:55.000 I mean, it might have been one really strong batch.

02:02:57.000 I don't know how many batches they tested.

02:02:59.000 I don't know if this guy just made all these numbers up and put it on his websites, which is very possible.

02:03:04.000 Starbucks should sell a caffeine-free decaffeinated coffee that they add B12 to.

02:03:10.000 Well, one of the things, that is a good idea.

02:03:12.000 One of the things that you have to remember, if you say decaffeinated, decaf coffee has caffeine.

02:03:19.000 Even in just very small amounts.

02:03:20.000 No, no, it has quite a lot.

02:03:23.000 In fact, some people say that there are decaf coffee.

02:03:26.000 Let's find out how much it has.

02:03:29.000 So we already established that a tall, okay, let's a tall brewed coffee from Starbucks has 260, as this guy's saying.

02:03:39.000 So let's find out how much caffeine decaf has in it, because I know there's some in there.

02:03:44.000 And it's not a little amount.

02:03:45.000 I think it's a lot.

02:03:47.000 How much caffeine?

02:03:50.000 I can't spell it.

02:03:52.000 Who told you guys?

02:03:53.000 What the fuck do I put back on?

02:03:55.000 No.

02:03:57.000 Does decaf and Starbucks have?

02:03:59.000 No, I know you can't get it all out.

02:04:01.000 You know, Anna needs more food for the studio. 1.00

02:04:04.000 I'll have some sent in.

02:04:06.000 More of those Buffalo things? 0.87

02:04:06.000 What do you want? 0.87

02:04:08.000 No.

02:04:10.000 How much caffeine does decaf contain?

02:04:15.000 It must.

02:04:16.000 I guarantee you there's caffeine in there.

02:04:18.000 So you play a lot of online pokers.

02:04:20.000 Have you noticed that there's a lot of cheaters online?

02:04:23.000 Is there a lot of programs?

02:04:25.000 I mean, is it even fair to play online nowadays?

02:04:27.000 That's a really good question.

02:04:29.000 I'll just address that by telling you a story.

02:04:32.000 When I was in college, I was in the library.

02:04:35.000 You know how they have those cubicles with computers in them?

02:04:38.000 I was walking by, and this was just when I got into poker, and I looked in one, and there was a guy playing poker.

02:04:45.000 So I was like, ah, knock on the door and see what's going on.

02:04:48.000 Knock on the door.

02:04:49.000 He opens up.

02:04:50.000 He's playing on the computer that they have there.

02:04:54.000 He's playing on a laptop and then another laptop.

02:04:58.000 Now, that wouldn't be that abnormal.

02:05:00.000 However, he's playing the same six-player tournament on all three.

02:05:05.000 So he essentially sees six cards out of 52, which gives you a gigantic advantage.

02:05:12.000 So yes, there's cheating, absolutely.

02:05:13.000 So he's playing as three different characters?

02:05:17.000 So there's six people.

02:05:18.000 It's called a sit-and-go.

02:05:19.000 So six people enter, and then top two get paid.

02:05:22.000 Is that legal, what he's doing?

02:05:23.000 No, absolutely not.

02:05:25.000 Wow.

02:05:26.000 But it happens.

02:05:27.000 Yeah, it happens a lot.

02:05:28.000 Caffeine content of decaf is much less.

02:05:31.000 It says to label it decaf, it must have at least 97% of the caffeine removed.

02:05:36.000 So that leaves about 5 milligrams as compared to 100 to 150 for 6 ounces of brewed coffee.

02:05:43.000 They're saying 150, the other one I think said, a little bit more.

02:05:45.000 But I think it's variable, obviously.

02:05:47.000 And they're talking about 6 ounces.

02:05:49.000 So that's 5 milligrams.

02:05:51.000 It's not very much.

02:05:52.000 No.

02:05:54.000 So it's definitely not going in.

02:05:56.000 But if you're sensitive to caffeine and you drink quite a few of those, you've got to think 5, 10, 15, 20.

02:06:02.000 Now you're starting to get to a point where you might feel it.

02:06:04.000 But as opposed to like 100, which is like a regular cup of coffee or more.

02:06:07.000 So to a point, it is broken, the online poker, because you could pretty much just gang up on people.

02:06:13.000 So like a single noob person sitting there, you could just pretty much play all the other characters, fucking rule the game.

02:06:19.000 Yeah, so the problem is with cash games and with smaller tournaments, when you get bigger tournaments that have 10,000 players in them, it's not such a big deal.

02:06:27.000 But yeah, there's definitely some cheating going on.

02:06:29.000 And I've had multiple times where I'm like, there's something fishy going on here.

02:06:33.000 What about bots?

02:06:36.000 Is that an issue?

02:06:37.000 Not really.

02:06:37.000 They can beat like low stakes, but when you get people that recognize patterns, good players that recognize patterns, they're going to know you're a bot and just take advantage of it.

02:06:46.000 But when you're, I heard this has been done.

02:06:49.000 I don't know if it's still being done, but that say if you would go into a room and it was like a six-person table, like they're allowed to have artificial people.

02:06:58.000 They're allowed to have, like, they could run a bot that's playing you.

02:07:02.000 I don't think it's allowed.

02:07:04.000 No?

02:07:05.000 No, I don't think it's allowed.

02:07:06.000 I think when the sites find them, they shut them down.

02:07:09.000 Okay, so that's just misinformation.

02:07:12.000 So if someone says that they played against three bots and one other dude, it's not right.

02:07:17.000 Well, they may have been, but it's not like.

02:07:22.000 Where is it legal to gamble now?

02:07:23.000 Still not legal to gamble if it's an American website, right?

02:07:27.000 We're not allowed to play poker in our own homes.

02:07:29.000 We're not consulting adults.

02:07:30.000 You're not even allowed to play poker poker with money, right?

02:07:32.000 We can do that still, but only in Vegas.

02:07:35.000 Only in Vegas.

02:07:35.000 In casinos, in casinos.

02:07:36.000 Yeah, but what if you're at home?

02:07:37.000 Like, are you allowed to have a poker game with a bunch of your friends and you have like stacks of hundreds on the table and you're getting crazy and drinking?

02:07:42.000 Is that legal?

02:07:43.000 No.

02:07:43.000 Well, yes.

02:07:44.000 The way it is, is like if the house takes a rake, it's illegal.

02:07:48.000 If you're just playing with your friends and, you know, it's either like five bucks, you say, hey, we'll play for five bucks.

02:07:53.000 What if you play for $50,000?

02:07:54.000 That's fine, I think, as long as there's no rake being collected.

02:07:56.000 Really?

02:07:57.000 Yeah.

02:07:57.000 Is that true?

02:07:59.000 Actually, I don't know that for a fact, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is.

02:08:02.000 I feel like you would have to pay taxes on that shit, and then it's illegal going to it.

02:08:05.000 You still have to pay taxes.

02:08:07.000 You have to claim it.

02:08:09.000 That's another reason why they made it illegal here, is because the taxes were just, they were not being paid by a lot of people because it's based offshore.

02:08:17.000 It was based in Ireland, England, and Costa Rica.

02:08:21.000 Were the three biggest sites?

02:08:22.000 I mean, isn't that an IRS problem?

02:08:26.000 How could they deny the entire, I mean, it seems like it's a technology issue.

02:08:30.000 How could you deny an entire industry?

02:08:32.000 They weren't getting paid off.

02:08:33.000 It's about the money.

02:08:33.000 They're not getting revenue because the sites are based offshore.

02:08:36.000 So they're only getting revenue when people pay their taxes.

02:08:39.000 Well, why don't they just allow people to have sites onshore and then make the money from that and then say, yeah, and then say if you have an offshore one, you have to pay taxes on it or we'll get you.

02:08:48.000 Listen, there's a lot of things in this world that just don't make any sense.

02:08:51.000 I could fix so much of this.

02:08:52.000 It's just simple logic.

02:08:52.000 I know.

02:08:54.000 Logic.

02:08:54.000 Hey, listen.

02:08:55.000 I mean, it's incredibly terrible that I have to play.

02:08:59.000 I mean, I like Mexico.

02:09:00.000 I'm right on the beach.

02:09:00.000 It's beautiful.

02:09:01.000 There's a lot of dolphins that swim by.

02:09:03.000 But is that where you live?

02:09:05.000 Right now, yeah.

02:09:06.000 I live in Mexico.

02:09:07.000 Yep.

02:09:07.000 I have a house.

02:09:07.000 Jacey lives there too, right?

02:09:08.000 JC still lives in Mexico City?

02:09:10.000 I think so.

02:09:11.000 Yeah.

02:09:12.000 So you live in Mexico near the beach.

02:09:14.000 Don't say where because they will come get you.

02:09:16.000 They'll know about you.

02:09:17.000 Yeah, I live right on the beach.

02:09:19.000 It's beautiful.

02:09:19.000 I love listening to the waves as I go to sleep.

02:09:21.000 It's awesome.

02:09:22.000 But I miss a lot of things about the states.

02:09:25.000 Like the law?

02:09:26.000 Yeah, the law, the food.

02:09:28.000 There's a lot of things I miss.

02:09:30.000 Have you ever seen any crazy shit living in Mexico? 1.00

02:09:32.000 Have you seen some things that have made you go, oh, okay, we're not in Kansas anymore?

02:09:35.000 Yeah, one of the first days I was there, I went for a run on the beach, and there's like a cliff, and it's kind of secluded on one end, and there were two people just banging it out right there.

02:09:45.000 Banging out sexually?

02:09:46.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:48.000 That was fine.

02:09:49.000 But no, as far as like weird things.

02:09:49.000 That was fine.

02:09:51.000 I mean, did you watch?

02:09:52.000 Did you sit there?

02:09:53.000 Yeah, I let him finish.

02:09:54.000 I was looking right in his eyes.

02:09:56.000 What I'm saying is you don't see very many crime situations.

02:10:01.000 No, I don't put myself in positions to be in that.

02:10:03.000 I basically stay in the resort the whole time.

02:10:05.000 I mean, I go out to go get food something.

02:10:07.000 So you live in a resort?

02:10:08.000 Yeah, basically.

02:10:09.000 They have like pools and tennis courts, basketball courts, stuff like that.

02:10:11.000 So you just stay in the resort?

02:10:13.000 Basically.

02:10:14.000 Wow.

02:10:14.000 So you're like living in an apartment that's surrounded by a whole nother country that you don't venture into.

02:10:20.000 Basically.

02:10:21.000 I go in like probably, I would say, twice a week.

02:10:21.000 Whoa.

02:10:23.000 That's a trip.

02:10:24.000 Are you what's called an expat?

02:10:25.000 Are you like an official expat?

02:10:26.000 I wouldn't consider myself an expat.

02:10:28.000 But you live in Mexico?

02:10:29.000 Well, I have a house in Vegas.

02:10:30.000 I own a house in Vegas.

02:10:31.000 So I rented it out while I go to Mexico and play.

02:10:34.000 Wow.

02:10:34.000 That's cool.

02:10:36.000 So you have to be in Mexico to do this?

02:10:38.000 Yeah, I can't play.

02:10:39.000 Like, if I was right here and I tried to fire it up, it wouldn't let me.

02:10:41.000 The IP would be blocked.

02:10:43.000 What?

02:10:44.000 Wow.

02:10:45.000 And not only that, but now there's millions and millions of dollars that the DOJ has seized from full-tilt poker that's just sitting there.

02:10:53.000 We haven't been paid that back yet.

02:10:55.000 So what they basically did was they shut the sites down.

02:10:57.000 It was, I think it was April 15th, something like that.

02:11:01.000 They shut all the sites down.

02:11:02.000 And if you had money online, that went to the DOJ.

02:11:05.000 And now you have to ask them for your money back.

02:11:08.000 And we still can't get our money back.

02:11:10.000 Oh, wow.

02:11:12.000 Creepy, creepy government.

02:11:15.000 Creepy, creepy fucking government, man.

02:11:18.000 I'm just baffled that, you know, against other consenting adults, I can't play poker with them.

02:11:23.000 Well, it's just crazy.

02:11:24.000 It's really gross that we allow grown adults to tell us what we can and can't do when it comes to situations like this.

02:11:30.000 Like, that is not, that's not a tax issue because it should be completely unrelated.

02:11:36.000 How you pay your taxes should be your personal responsibility based on what your actual income is.

02:11:40.000 Absolutely.

02:11:41.000 If you want to hide your gambling income, they should be able to find out, well, you only make $50,000 a year.

02:11:46.000 How do you have a $300,000 car?

02:11:48.000 Oh, let's go online.

02:11:49.000 See, this motherfucker plays poker all day and he's not reporting his winnings.

02:11:52.000 Like, I'm all for that.

02:11:53.000 I think everybody should have to pay their share, but you shouldn't be able to tell me what I can and can't.

02:11:57.000 I agree.

02:11:57.000 That's stupid.

02:11:58.000 And then you can see, look, you can Google anyone's name and see what they've won.

02:11:58.000 I agree.

02:12:01.000 It's just, it's out there.

02:12:03.000 It's all public because when you cash in a tournament, it shows it online.

02:12:06.000 Yeah.

02:12:07.000 Now, what about, didn't, what was it, Full Tale poker that got busted for fraud?

02:12:11.000 Who got busted for fraud?

02:12:12.000 Absolute poker.

02:12:14.000 Absolute poker.

02:12:14.000 What would they do?

02:12:15.000 They had a guy that basically could see your whole cards.

02:12:20.000 Like an admin?

02:12:22.000 Oh.

02:12:22.000 Yeah, he created some kind of, I don't know, I'm not very computer savvy, but something that he could see every card at the table.

02:12:29.000 And what he was doing was he was just winning these insane amounts of money and not even trying to hide it.

02:12:35.000 Like, for example, when he won a tournament, he made a call when the last card of the river came out with 10 high.

02:12:43.000 I don't know if he played poker or not, but basically a call that you would never, that I've never made in my life.

02:12:48.000 Okay?

02:12:48.000 Right.

02:12:49.000 Never, because it's never good.

02:12:50.000 And he was right because he could see the guy's cards.

02:12:53.000 But it's like, how are you going to be that blatant about it?

02:12:54.000 If you could see that, why would you not just be a little bit more discreet?

02:12:59.000 Exactly.

02:13:00.000 You know, get third in the tournament once, maybe.

02:13:02.000 Is he in prison now?

02:13:04.000 That's the thing, man.

02:13:06.000 There's so much gray area with poker and law.

02:13:09.000 So he's not in jail.

02:13:10.000 Well, there was that guy who was trying to run an MMA organization as well.

02:13:15.000 That Bowdog guy. 0.98

02:13:17.000 Calvin Air, was it?

02:13:18.000 Yes.

02:13:18.000 Yeah.

02:13:19.000 He had like this whole thing that he was doing where he was having these guys like fight on the beach and this beautiful resort in Costa Rica or something like that.

02:13:19.000 Yeah.

02:13:27.000 You know, he put the fights like on the beach.

02:13:29.000 I saw his house.

02:13:30.000 I was in Costa Rica golfing.

02:13:31.000 He was on a golf course.

02:13:32.000 He's a baller.

02:13:33.000 He's a powerful baller.

02:13:34.000 But he's forced to live in another country.

02:13:36.000 He can't come to America. 1.00

02:13:36.000 If he comes to America, he'll be arrested. 1.00

02:13:38.000 Him and Dana White had this big go back and forth.

02:13:38.000 Yeah, he'll be arrested.

02:13:42.000 It was pretty hilarious.

02:13:43.000 On Twitter?

02:13:44.000 Long time before Twitter.

02:13:45.000 Yeah, it's like on websites and interviews and stuff like that.

02:13:45.000 Oh, before.

02:13:48.000 But he had like his picture.

02:13:50.000 He would have these billboards.

02:13:52.000 It was him in a beautiful suit with girls behind him.

02:13:55.000 Calvin Iyer presents Bow Dog Fights.

02:13:57.000 Like, what are you selling, man?

02:13:58.000 He's selling you looking like a pimp?

02:14:00.000 You know, he's selling like the lifestyle.

02:14:04.000 That's what people are fascinated by.

02:14:06.000 They're not just fascinated by the fights.

02:14:08.000 They're fascinated by his lifestyle.

02:14:10.000 But he was forced into exile because of online gambling, right?

02:14:14.000 Yeah, I mean, and the crazy part about it is, is you can still gamble on horses.

02:14:18.000 Well, you can gamble on the lottery.

02:14:20.000 Gamble on the lottery.

02:14:21.000 Those scratch tickets are available at every gas station.

02:14:24.000 And that's chance.

02:14:25.000 Poker is skill.

02:14:26.000 I've had eight years.

02:14:27.000 I've had one losing year out of eight years.

02:14:30.000 Yeah, but that's, yeah, that's rare, though, isn't it?

02:14:34.000 Yeah, 3% of people make money playing poker.

02:14:37.000 3%.

02:14:38.000 3%.

02:14:39.000 That's similar to professional pool.

02:14:41.000 And fighting as well.

02:14:42.000 Yeah.

02:14:43.000 The top guys, how many?

02:14:44.000 Yeah.

02:14:44.000 And comedians.

02:14:45.000 Pretty much everything.

02:14:46.000 And pretty much everything.

02:14:47.000 Yeah, right?

02:14:48.000 Make real money, yeah, yeah.

02:14:50.000 Dolphin sex.

02:14:50.000 Ditch diggers.

02:14:51.000 I think they all get the same amount.

02:14:53.000 Except for them.

02:14:54.000 Dolphin sex doesn't even make sense, bro.

02:14:56.000 Yeah, like how many times do people hang out with dolphins and not fuck them?

02:14:59.000 It's probably 3%.

02:15:00.000 How many are successful that try to fuck them?

02:15:03.000 That would be what it would be.

02:15:04.000 No, because dolphins want to fuck back. 1.00

02:15:06.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:15:07.000 Read it.

02:15:07.000 Stop.

02:15:08.000 I can't believe I talked to you.

02:15:09.000 I can't believe I just engaged you back and just brought you back into the fold.

02:15:13.000 Silly bitch. 1.00

02:15:16.000 Yeah, most poker players, what do they do to make a living?

02:15:20.000 That's what I do.

02:15:20.000 That's the only thing I do.

02:15:22.000 But most don't.

02:15:23.000 Most, well, I can't speak for everyone else.

02:15:25.000 I know that there's probably maybe 50 guys I can name that make good money.

02:15:31.000 I mean, there's some guys that make stupid money.

02:15:33.000 And they have, like, they're always into crazy bets.

02:15:35.000 Like, they'll play golf for a million dollars or something.

02:15:37.000 Yeah.

02:15:38.000 That's pretty normal.

02:15:38.000 That's the top 1%.

02:15:41.000 That is so fucking crazy.

02:15:43.000 It is.

02:15:44.000 To play a round of golf for a million bucks.

02:15:46.000 But that's so normal, isn't it?

02:15:47.000 What do you do with it?

02:15:48.000 For those guys?

02:15:48.000 For them, yeah.

02:15:50.000 Yeah.

02:15:51.000 I don't bet a million dollars.

02:15:52.000 Have you ever had a crazy bet about something like who's going to lose the most amount of weight or take the longest shit?

02:15:57.000 Because that's the kind of things that they bet on, right?

02:15:58.000 I could shit the longest complete shit ever.

02:16:01.000 We bet on a lot of weird things.

02:16:02.000 Like we bet one time we bet a guy that he wouldn't take a shot glass full of like steak rub.

02:16:07.000 Ugh.

02:16:08.000 Whoa.

02:16:08.000 Yeah, he was allowed a little water.

02:16:10.000 Do you know that that guy could die if that's all salt?

02:16:13.000 I did not know that.

02:16:14.000 I think if you eat like a pound of salt, you could die.

02:16:16.000 I guess a shot glass is not a pound.

02:16:19.000 Unless it's in a shot glass.

02:16:22.000 And that steak rub is like more granulated.

02:16:24.000 So there's like space in between.

02:16:25.000 It's not as heavy as Morton salt.

02:16:28.000 Like if you drank like a shot glass of Morton sauce, that would be impressive as fuck.

02:16:32.000 But that steak rub's not quite as heavy.

02:16:35.000 Like, bets, like, if you can stay in a pool for 24 hours, things like that.

02:16:39.000 Stay in a pool for 24 hours?

02:16:41.000 Who did that? 0.91

02:16:42.000 I don't remember his name, but he did, probably because he died in that pool.

02:16:47.000 What about that guy?

02:16:48.000 Do you know him, the famous gambler in Vegas that actually got breast implants?

02:16:51.000 Do you know that story?

02:16:53.000 I think I remember seeing that a while ago on TV.

02:16:56.000 He wore him for a whole year.

02:16:57.000 Yeah.

02:16:58.000 That was the bet.

02:16:59.000 I don't know him personally.

02:17:01.000 Isn't he legendary?

02:17:02.000 Isn't that guy a legendary character?

02:17:03.000 So what's his name?

02:17:04.000 We're going to find out.

02:17:05.000 I can tell you if he is.

02:17:06.000 Tell me his name.

02:17:06.000 Have you been on the show Poker After Dark?

02:17:08.000 Nope.

02:17:08.000 I have not been on that.

02:17:09.000 I was on one of the ESPN World Series poker ones.

02:17:12.000 That's cool.

02:17:14.000 I actually like watching that show.

02:17:16.000 What is the most success you've had with poker?

02:17:19.000 You mean most won in a day or something?

02:17:22.000 Most won ever.

02:17:24.000 $100,000.

02:17:25.000 The guy won.

02:17:26.000 He won $100,000.

02:17:28.000 Look at him there.

02:17:30.000 What was his name?

02:17:32.000 Brian Zembic.

02:17:34.000 I don't know.

02:17:34.000 I've never been there.

02:17:35.000 Cashed in on $100,000 bet by getting breast implants for a year.

02:17:40.000 Eight years later, he still has them.

02:17:41.000 Are you serious?

02:17:42.000 You would keep them.

02:17:43.000 See, I think I would keep them too.

02:17:44.000 I think after a couple months, he'd be like, dude, it's fucking high.

02:17:47.000 I have really nice tits.

02:17:49.000 Boobs are awesome. 1.00

02:17:50.000 I don't think that's what it is.

02:17:51.000 I think he probably does it because he's nuts.

02:17:54.000 Really?

02:17:55.000 As far as I can tell you the most I've lost in a day was 25K.

02:18:00.000 Wow.

02:18:01.000 Wow, that's going to suck.

02:18:02.000 That really sucked.

02:18:03.000 But the win was $209 in a day.

02:18:06.000 $209,000?

02:18:07.000 Yeah.

02:18:08.000 Jeez, Louisa.

02:18:10.000 What's the first thing you bought?

02:18:11.000 Did you buy any?

02:18:11.000 I bought a Lexus.

02:18:12.000 Nice.

02:18:13.000 Nice.

02:18:13.000 With cash?

02:18:14.000 IS 350.

02:18:15.000 Nice.

02:18:16.000 Yeah, it's quick.

02:18:17.000 That's a good car, too, because that's not like stepping out of line.

02:18:19.000 Yeah.

02:18:20.000 You're not getting crazy.

02:18:20.000 You didn't go Bentley.

02:18:22.000 No, no.

02:18:23.000 You bought like a sensor.

02:18:24.000 A luxury car.

02:18:24.000 You bought a sensor.

02:18:25.000 It's a nice car.

02:18:26.000 It's very fast.

02:18:27.000 It's out there right now.

02:18:28.000 I love that car.

02:18:28.000 It's really reliable.

02:18:29.000 I love it.

02:18:30.000 That's the thing about Lexuses, man.

02:18:31.000 Those things are bulletproof.

02:18:32.000 I had one of those big trucks, those QX, whatever the fuck it was.

02:18:35.000 It's an amazing car, man.

02:18:37.000 They're so well designed, too.

02:18:39.000 They have that new one.

02:18:40.000 They have the new version of the LS, their big flagship sedan.

02:18:45.000 It might as well be a spaceship.

02:18:46.000 I mean, it parks itself.

02:18:48.000 You hit a button and it parallel parks for you.

02:18:52.000 Like, that is bananas.

02:18:53.000 That's crazy.

02:18:54.000 The fucking thing actually parks for you.

02:18:56.000 Cameras in the front, cameras in the rear, you know, all this different shit that makes it run perfect.

02:19:02.000 So it's amazing how computer-controlled all these things are.

02:19:04.000 Oh, my God.

02:19:04.000 I can't wait till five, ten years from now.

02:19:07.000 We'll be the Google car, the car that's driving around now.

02:19:10.000 That's going to suck, dude.

02:19:11.000 Yeah, you're going to lose all your fucking fun.

02:19:11.000 You think so?

02:19:13.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:19:14.000 You can't drive yourself.

02:19:15.000 It should be that you should have the option to do it that way.

02:19:18.000 Ah, spill the water all over the place, you fuck. 1.00

02:19:20.000 That way or not.

02:19:21.000 It's just on the table.

02:19:23.000 You should be able to have the option, though, to either have the Google car or not.

02:19:27.000 Like, being able to almost ride a train, like, I just want to think it'd be fun for long trips, like five-hour drives, to just sit there with your iPad and watch a movie.

02:19:34.000 Well, it would suck because you wouldn't be able to avoid all the other crazy assholes that didn't have Google cars cutting you off, fucking switching lanes and shit and making you hit the brakes.

02:19:43.000 You'd probably be sitting there with no seatbelt, too.

02:19:44.000 You get an accident.

02:19:45.000 Yeah, I wonder what the lag is.

02:19:45.000 You're probably not.

02:19:46.000 I wonder if they ever figure out that there's accidents that are caused by the Google car that would, or cause because the Google car couldn't respond as quickly or as precisely as a person could.

02:19:56.000 Or there was options.

02:19:57.000 The Google car chose the shitty option.

02:20:00.000 I'm down with engines, bro.

02:20:02.000 I like living right now.

02:20:03.000 I like this right now.

02:20:04.000 I think we got to enjoy this.

02:20:04.000 Oh, yeah.

02:20:06.000 Well, allegedly, I took that car up to 140.

02:20:08.000 Oh, allegedly.

02:20:10.000 That's scary fast.

02:20:11.000 That's a wheel fall off fast feeling.

02:20:13.000 No, well, it's interesting because allegedly I also took my old saw up to 100 and it was shaking.

02:20:19.000 Yeah.

02:20:20.000 It's a big difference, man.

02:20:20.000 This one was clean.

02:20:22.000 Those Japanese engineers, they're not fucking playing games, man.

02:20:25.000 They are not playing around.

02:20:27.000 Have you ever seen that one crazy Lexus that they have?

02:20:30.000 LS, LF, LFA.

02:20:30.000 LFO.

02:20:32.000 LFO?

02:20:32.000 LFA.

02:20:33.000 LFA, yeah.

02:20:33.000 It's LFA.

02:20:34.000 Jesus Christ.

02:20:35.000 They had one in, when I went to Vegas to get my car serviced, they had one in the showroom, and I was just like, took a half a million dollars.

02:20:42.000 Yeah, I think they stopped making them, though.

02:20:44.000 And they only had a certain amount.

02:20:45.000 Yeah.

02:20:45.000 I think they made like $300 and something.

02:20:48.000 $300, I think.

02:20:48.000 How much was it?

02:20:50.000 It's super duper expensive, but it was just weird that it was like, performance-wise, it wasn't really much better than Nissan GTR, if better at all.

02:20:58.000 You actually saw something where they raced those two, I think.

02:21:00.000 And it was pretty comparable.

02:21:02.000 Yeah, the GTR is a $100,000 car, and it's a monster.

02:21:05.000 And that's another insane piece.

02:21:08.000 That's an insane piece of engineering.

02:21:09.000 And it's also something that apparently Nissan doesn't really even make any money on.

02:21:13.000 They just wanted to prove a point.

02:21:14.000 It's really kind of a county move.

02:21:16.000 They like put out a better car, cheaper, and like, deal with it.

02:21:19.000 They're like, your prices are way too high.

02:21:20.000 We're going to bring them down.

02:21:21.000 Like, good luck, Ferrari.

02:21:23.000 How much is that thing?

02:21:24.000 $300,000?

02:21:25.000 How do they come up with that number?

02:21:26.000 I want to know how they come up with that number.

02:21:28.000 How much it costs?

02:21:29.000 Yeah.

02:21:29.000 You ever seen a Ferrari factory?

02:21:31.000 Those are artisans.

02:21:32.000 There's a big difference between a Ferrari and like just if you're going to buy a Ferrari, you're going to buy something that's made by craftsmen.

02:21:42.000 Like the leather stitching and the dash is done by hand.

02:21:45.000 The car's engines pieced together by a bunch of specialists.

02:21:48.000 They all do it in this gigantic, beautiful, clean warehouse where they eat espresso at lunch and take two-hour naps.

02:21:55.000 And these are like artists, and they put together these machines that are, they're not just beautiful and not just like perfect engineering, but they're can constructed.

02:22:05.000 Like there's just like a feeling to them.

02:22:06.000 Like if you're into watches and you pick up like a Rolex and feel the automatic timer and know that someone like put all that shit together, there's something to mechanical things that are created by the human hand that makes them like really special to us.

02:22:20.000 And you don't really get that with a GTR.

02:22:21.000 You do, I mean, it is designed by man and put together, but what you get is like this feeling of this crazy technological marvel.

02:22:28.000 Like you get in it and you feel like, you know, the lights come on, the engine revs up, you hear the turbines, like, whoa, like this is a fucking spaceship.

02:22:37.000 This thing is some crazy piece of the most advanced automobile technology available.

02:22:42.000 But it doesn't feel like an old Ferrari.

02:22:45.000 Like if you, you know, start it up and you hear the and you realize some Italian dudes built this thing and stitched these seats together by hand.

02:22:54.000 You know, and you're pulling the seatbelt.

02:22:55.000 Someone made all this shit.

02:22:57.000 You know, you feel that leather steering wheel and like everything's mechanical.

02:23:03.000 You're moving the shifter and hearing the clickety clack.

02:23:05.000 There's something about like man-created things that, in my opinion, is like, it's like art in a physical form that's functional and that you use.

02:23:16.000 Whenever someone tells me, like, oh, I don't even like cars, you know, cars are stupid.

02:23:21.000 To me, a car just gets you where you want to go.

02:23:23.000 Okay, have you ever driven a Shelby Mustang?

02:23:25.000 Do you even know what the fuck you're talking about?

02:23:28.000 You don't like that feeling when you hit the gas and you hear and you feel those fucking tires squeaking a little bit because they're trying to get some traction because there's so much fucking horsepower?

02:23:37.000 Then you're not alive, man.

02:23:38.000 You're not alive.

02:23:39.000 You really need a Prius?

02:23:40.000 You got to try it once, at least.

02:23:41.000 It's a good feeling.

02:23:42.000 It is a good feeling.

02:23:44.000 Amazing feeling.

02:23:44.000 Especially when you do standard, because then you really feel like you're part of the car.

02:23:47.000 They don't make that Lexus so standard, though.

02:23:49.000 Even then.

02:23:51.000 Well, I can bring it in and I can actually do up and down with the shifter, but it's not the same because you don't have the feet.

02:23:56.000 That's like being a little kid in high school that doesn't know how to drive a stick shift and you're pretending you do.

02:23:59.000 It's like shifting the gears on your own.

02:24:01.000 Exactly what it is, yeah.

02:24:02.000 And it won't even actually...

02:24:12.000 So it's not really real, yeah.

02:24:14.000 Yeah, it's bullshit.

02:24:15.000 It's bullshit.

02:24:16.000 My M3 has that.

02:24:17.000 They have a double clutch.

02:24:18.000 It's nice.

02:24:19.000 It's great for traffic.

02:24:20.000 You know, and it's way more efficient than you would ever be with a clutch.

02:24:20.000 Sure.

02:24:24.000 So a clutch is kind of stupid in the long run, but there's that mechanical feeling again, the thing of shifting your own gears and turning your own steering wheel.

02:24:33.000 There's like a thrill to that that like we it feels good.

02:24:36.000 It's not even about speeding, you know?

02:24:38.000 Like have you ever driven one of those like really old Porsches?

02:24:41.000 That's like 1970s, like 69, 70, 71, those really tiny little mechanical things.

02:24:48.000 They have the engine in the back.

02:24:49.000 It's all screwy.

02:24:50.000 You hit too much gas, you go sideways, but they only have like 150 horsepower.

02:24:53.000 They're not heavy.

02:24:54.000 They're really light.

02:24:56.000 But you feel everything in that thing.

02:24:57.000 And you get out, even though you're going 40 miles an hour.

02:24:59.000 You get out of the car with a big smile on your face.

02:25:01.000 Like, that was fucking cool.

02:25:04.000 We've lost something.

02:25:05.000 It takes a lot more to get us to that feeling in like some crazy technological Marvel like Alexis.

02:25:12.000 Yeah, I think it's more like you feel like you're actually doing something.

02:25:16.000 The car's not just driving for you.

02:25:17.000 You know what I mean?

02:25:18.000 Yeah, you're engaging it.

02:25:19.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:25:20.000 Moving it along.

02:25:21.000 This car, I mean, I don't even know what someone with the button's doing there, you know?

02:25:24.000 It's just like.

02:25:25.000 Yeah, when you find out about traction control and stability control, and like they literally are going around a corner, if one wheel starts spinning, they'll apply brakes to it and like only break one wheel and turn the car this way to try to balance it out.

02:25:38.000 It'll turn you out of fishtails.

02:25:39.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

02:25:40.000 Especially that GTR. 0.99

02:25:41.000 That GTR is incredible for that.

02:25:43.000 Like all the guys who review it, they'll joke around about taking it on a racetrack and just trying to throw it into the corners.

02:25:50.000 And a car just figures out how to do it and corrects itself, which is really smart.

02:25:54.000 You don't want some asshole on some 1970 Porcho that's going to fucking kick out sideways on him every time he goes around a corner and gives it the gas.

02:26:01.000 You don't want that.

02:26:02.000 You want that asshole to drive a GTR. 0.97

02:26:04.000 But then, in order for him to get his asshole kicks, he's got to go a lot faster.

02:26:09.000 You've got to go a lot faster.

02:26:10.000 140.

02:26:11.000 You've got to hit that gas and feel that fucking thing pin you into the back of that seat. 0.98

02:26:16.000 Oh, I just have...

02:26:23.000 So I drive my roommate's car and it's just such a treat to get back here and drive this thing.

02:26:28.000 What kind of car is it?

02:26:29.000 Oh, my roommate's one, yeah, yeah.

02:26:32.000 My roommate's, he just has like a Corolla, like a 92, I think, somewhere around there.

02:26:36.000 You don't want to drive his fucking car.

02:26:38.000 Well, I do out there because You do that in Mexico?

02:26:43.000 In Mexico, yeah.

02:26:44.000 That's a good move.

02:26:44.000 Yeah, because I don't want to attract attention like that.

02:26:46.000 Yeah.

02:26:47.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.

02:26:48.000 I thought you meant like here.

02:26:49.000 Oh, yeah.

02:26:49.000 Yeah.

02:26:50.000 I was like, hmm, people have nice cars here.

02:26:52.000 Yeah.

02:26:52.000 No, here is fine.

02:26:53.000 Yeah.

02:26:54.000 In Mexico, like, if you have like a Mercedes, are you a target?

02:26:57.000 Yeah, I think.

02:26:58.000 They say the guy that was helping me move in, like the landlord, he's like, yeah, you can take your car out here.

02:27:02.000 There's Mercedes, et cetera.

02:27:04.000 I saw like one Mercedes in the garage.

02:27:06.000 Oh, is he sweating?

02:27:07.000 The one or two is just fucking shit.

02:27:09.000 I would be.

02:27:10.000 Looking around the corner.

02:27:11.000 Look, I'm looked at.

02:27:12.000 Everyone stares wherever I go in Mexico.

02:27:14.000 So I would just imagine how it would be if they saw a spaceship.

02:27:19.000 So how often do you go?

02:27:20.000 Like out?

02:27:21.000 You said you don't really leave the resort.

02:27:23.000 I mean, grocery shopping now and then.

02:27:23.000 How often do you go to the lowest?

02:27:24.000 Grocery shopping.

02:27:25.000 Oh, once you leave to go grocery shopping.

02:27:27.000 But that's like just highway and then grocery store and then highway back.

02:27:30.000 You're going to go there and there's dudes with sombreros and machine guns and shit.

02:27:30.000 It's not that bad.

02:27:33.000 Oh, yeah.

02:27:34.000 There's guys with machine guns all over the place.

02:27:36.000 Really?

02:27:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:27:37.000 The police.

02:27:37.000 Yeah.

02:27:38.000 They just carry around machine guns like it's no big deal.

02:27:40.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:27:40.000 Whoa.

02:27:41.000 That didn't seem to be the case.

02:27:43.000 They clamped down a bit.

02:27:43.000 No.

02:27:45.000 From what I understand, it's more police now than it was a little while ago.

02:27:51.000 Well, like, when I first started going, the first time I went to Mexico, I think was pre-2000.

02:27:59.000 I think.

02:27:59.000 I think I might have went.

02:28:01.000 No, it was when I was on MTV.

02:28:03.000 I was on this thing for Fear Factor, and we did it.

02:28:05.000 So it must have been like 2001 or 2002.

02:28:07.000 It was pretty much safe.

02:28:09.000 It's pretty normal.

02:28:10.000 It's pretty safe.

02:28:10.000 I think a lot of the things that they show here are just like the worst of the worst.

02:28:14.000 And it's like you can find that anywhere.

02:28:15.000 Right.

02:28:16.000 You know, look, there's murders here, too.

02:28:18.000 You know what I mean?

02:28:19.000 It's just they're not publicized as much as they are.

02:28:21.000 It's hard to get the video.

02:28:23.000 The video those guys put out with their fucking crazy narco music over it and show people getting machine gun shit. 0.90

02:28:28.000 They have that?

02:28:29.000 Oh, they've done.

02:28:30.000 There's some videos of them chopping people up with chainsaws.

02:28:34.000 Yeah, they've done a lot of really mean shit.

02:28:36.000 Yeah.

02:28:36.000 It's really not a lot of fun.

02:28:37.000 That's not very nice.

02:28:38.000 Yeah, we've got to figure out how to fix that problem.

02:28:41.000 Everybody's worried about Iraq and Afghanistan.

02:28:43.000 We live next to one of the craziest spots on earth.

02:28:45.000 Look, they can't get clean water, man.

02:28:47.000 It's crazy.

02:28:48.000 We got to go out and refill our water.

02:28:50.000 We can't use the water in the sink.

02:28:51.000 Really?

02:28:52.000 Do the Mexicans use it?

02:28:54.000 Yeah, but you get sick for a long time if you do it.

02:28:56.000 But eventually you get bad.

02:28:57.000 But you eventually get used to it.

02:28:58.000 Takes it develops a good bacteria.

02:29:01.000 It goes back to that fecal transplant shit.

02:29:03.000 What you need to do is get a Mexican dude to shit in your butt, and his fecal matter will balance out your ecosystem. 1.00

02:29:10.000 I'll look into that.

02:29:11.000 That's a real thing, man.

02:29:13.000 What we were talking about earlier.

02:29:14.000 I actually Googled it, and it's called, they call it fecal microbiota transplantation, also known as a stool transplant.

02:29:22.000 It's a process of transporting fecal bacteria from a healthy individual into a recipient as a treatment for patients suffering from CDI, which produces effects ranging from diarrhea to pseudomembraneous colitis.

02:29:38.000 Ooh, colitis is not good.

02:29:40.000 Anytime someone says you got colitis, ow.

02:29:42.000 Previous terms for the procedure include fecal bacterial therapy, fecal transfusion, fecal transplant.

02:29:48.000 Huh.

02:29:49.000 Wow.

02:29:51.000 It involves restoration of the colonic flora by introducing healthy bacterial flora through an infusion of stool.

02:30:00.000 People just need to eat better.

02:30:02.000 Well, the fact that someone came up with this idea...

02:30:04.000 Yeah, who...

02:30:06.000 Who's sitting there one day and just saying, I wonder if we can put poop in someone else's butt and fix their... 0.96

02:30:06.000 Someone's pretty gangster. 0.96

02:30:17.000 And they're starting to understand that it affects mood, it affects behavior, it affects so much, and it wards off diseases and it improves your immune system.

02:30:27.000 And actually, some bacteria aggressively fights off colds, and it aggressively fights off when you come into contact with certain different nasty things that it can actually battle.

02:30:39.000 It's like having troops in your body.

02:30:42.000 Don't viruses just mutate and come back stronger, though?

02:30:45.000 Well, they can if you don't take your fucking men's true.

02:30:47.000 If you don't do all 10 days, if you're one of those bitches like Doug Stanhope, who openly admitted on the podcast that he contributed to the creation of a super AIDS by not taking his fucking full Z-PAC. 0.99

02:30:59.000 Yeah, he's one of those dudes.

02:31:00.000 I feel better.

02:31:00.000 I stopped taking it.

02:31:05.000 So if somebody tries to tell you that, that your shit is so good that you took it out and put it in someone's body and it healed them, you know, the guy might not be lying.

02:31:15.000 It sounds like he'd be a bullshit artist.

02:31:17.000 That does sound no pun intended.

02:31:21.000 So how did you get involved with being sort of an expert on positive thinking or mental concentration?

02:31:30.000 Or did you just get it by experimenting yourself?

02:31:33.000 I met someone in a poker game a while ago in LA.

02:31:37.000 We were running a poker game in LA.

02:31:39.000 Was it Ari Shafir?

02:31:40.000 No.

02:31:40.000 Okay.

02:31:41.000 And the guy's kind of taken me under his wing, kind of taught me the ways of life.

02:31:46.000 Really?

02:31:46.000 How much gay sex is involved in that?

02:31:48.000 A lot.

02:31:49.000 A lot, yeah.

02:31:51.000 It seems like you just give and none.

02:31:53.000 Yeah.

02:31:53.000 No, you know, it's just something I've always known in my life.

02:31:58.000 Just there's something I got to learn.

02:32:00.000 You know, I got to learn about myself.

02:32:02.000 I got to learn how to think, how to feel, how to just be, man.

02:32:07.000 I mean, there was a lot of time, like, for example, with women, I would not talk to a woman for until like college. 0.99

02:32:14.000 I was scared of rejection.

02:32:17.000 Yeah.

02:32:21.000 I'm going to need you to repeat this story.

02:32:23.000 Okay.

02:32:26.000 So what you were saying basically was that there was one really big breakup.

02:32:33.000 Yes.

02:32:33.000 And it's one really big, crazy, heart-wrenching breakup.

02:32:39.000 It wasn't really that big, though.

02:32:41.000 Okay, for the story.

02:32:42.000 Oh, that's right.

02:32:42.000 Okay, for the story.

02:32:43.000 For the Hulk music.

02:32:44.000 What I'm trying to do is stall while Brian pulls out the Hulk music.

02:32:47.000 I can internet.

02:32:48.000 The internet here sucks it?

02:32:49.000 Hmm.

02:32:50.000 Shocker.

02:32:51.000 Anyway, go ahead, tell us a story.

02:32:53.000 No, look, I wouldn't even go up to a woman because I was scared of rejection.

02:32:56.000 And one day I was sitting there, I was like, why am I scared of this rejection?

02:33:00.000 And I thought to myself, I was like, if I don't go up, it's a no.

02:33:03.000 Right.

02:33:04.000 Every time.

02:33:05.000 And if you just close your eyes and jerk off in the bathroom, it's a yes every time.

02:33:10.000 It's like you pretend it actually happened.

02:33:11.000 And then you can talk to her without needing something, without being such a needy bitch. 1.00

02:33:16.000 And you probably wind up being more successful.

02:33:18.000 Yeah.

02:33:18.000 Well, look, that's one of the things I've learned is like everything's created by yourself.

02:33:22.000 You're as confident as you believe you can be, or you're as weak as you believe you are.

02:33:25.000 I saw your Twitter.

02:33:26.000 It was really funny.

02:33:26.000 Yeah.

02:33:28.000 A dude text messaged you the wrong person.

02:33:33.000 And so he text messaged them.

02:33:35.000 Hey, you got the wrong number.

02:33:36.000 And this is Matt.

02:33:37.000 And hey, by the way, girls don't like it when you're needy like that. 1.00

02:33:39.000 Exactly.

02:33:40.000 Well, he texted three times.

02:33:42.000 Three times within an hour.

02:33:44.000 And I was sitting there playing poker and I was just like, man, stop annoying me.

02:33:47.000 And I was like, you know what?

02:33:48.000 No, I'm just going to help this guy out.

02:33:50.000 Listen, you cannot text a girl three times.

02:33:52.000 She is done with you. 0.86

02:33:54.000 After the second text, probably.

02:33:55.000 Yeah, even the second text, you've given up your cards.

02:33:58.000 You know, what do you do?

02:33:59.000 Unless you're just having fun and you don't have to worry about anything.

02:34:02.000 You're not actually playing a game of trying to catch the pussy. 1.00

02:34:05.000 You know, if you could be friends, and you could send three texts to a friend.

02:34:07.000 Sure.

02:34:08.000 But let's be realistic.

02:34:11.000 Trying to get some pussy and you blew your cards. 1.00

02:34:13.000 It's the same as poker, right?

02:34:14.000 You get crazy, you throw all your money on the table, and you're fucked.

02:34:17.000 Yeah.

02:34:18.000 It requires discipline.

02:34:19.000 Well, in the beginning, I went broke three times.

02:34:22.000 Broke, like sucking dicks on the street? 0.55

02:34:24.000 No, well, I mean, I was still living with my parents, so it wasn't that bad.

02:34:28.000 But.

02:34:28.000 You were living with your parents and you went broke.

02:34:31.000 No, no, no.

02:34:32.000 I mean, wait, hold on.

02:34:34.000 Let me think about it.

02:34:34.000 It's a long time ago.

02:34:35.000 If you're going to make up a story, have it made up before you get here.

02:34:38.000 Okay, pal?

02:34:40.000 I don't want to hear you crazy fake going broke with your parents.

02:34:43.000 No, I went broke when I was in college.

02:34:45.000 In college.

02:34:45.000 So like when I was in, I went to Plattsburgh, upstate New York, and I went broke like three times during that period.

02:34:52.000 I went broke with my student loan money the first time.

02:34:54.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:34:55.000 So like, and then I made six grand back, and I went to Vegas, and I made some money, but I was like trying to be that cool guy going to clubs and spending all this money.

02:35:07.000 And I went home with like 200 bucks.

02:35:09.000 But every time I went broke, I rebounded within a week.

02:35:12.000 And I got back.

02:35:13.000 I hit a 9,000 score.

02:35:15.000 So you've been addicted to playing poker for a long fucking time.

02:35:18.000 If you're talking about like, I wouldn't say addicted.

02:35:21.000 You've been in a wrong terminology.

02:35:23.000 You've been an extreme enthusiast of competitive poker.

02:35:27.000 Yeah, well, the way it went was the first year I learned how to play, I was playing eight hours a day, seven days a week.

02:35:34.000 Yeah, you just got obsessed.

02:35:35.000 Yeah, that's the way I am.

02:35:36.000 When I do something and I really put my mind to it, I want to be the best.

02:35:39.000 There's just no stopping.

02:35:40.000 And with poker, it's like much like with a lot of other disciplines, there's so much you can learn that it becomes really exciting.

02:35:47.000 Like the more effort and focus you put on it, the more you read about it, the more you improve and you see that improvement, it's very stimulating, you know?

02:35:56.000 And the great thing about poker that I love is it's Always new things.

02:35:56.000 It is.

02:36:02.000 You can pick up something new every time you play.

02:36:02.000 Always.

02:36:04.000 And that's why I love it because it keeps me learning new things every day and growing as a poker player, you know, as a person, all that stuff.

02:36:12.000 Well, it seems like it would be a fun way to make a living, too, as long as you're actually successful.

02:36:17.000 But that one year, you said you had like one year that you weren't.

02:36:19.000 This last year.

02:36:20.000 Yeah.

02:36:20.000 That's like a big one.

02:36:22.000 Well, most of the reason was because I lost my online income because of the Black Friday.

02:36:22.000 Yeah.

02:36:26.000 Oh.

02:36:27.000 Poker becoming illegal.

02:36:28.000 So I couldn't play online, so I was just spending money without making it.

02:36:31.000 So is that why you moved to Mexico?

02:36:33.000 Partially to make more money.

02:36:35.000 Do you find yourself a little senorita down there that knows how to speak Spanish and get you out of a jam?

02:36:40.000 No, I haven't.

02:36:40.000 No.

02:36:42.000 I can't speak Spanish at all, man.

02:36:43.000 What?

02:36:44.000 You're living in Spanish. 1.00

02:36:45.000 You can't speak Spanish.

02:36:46.000 Most of them are part of the problem.

02:36:48.000 Most of the big restaurants and stuff speak English, so I never really have to.

02:36:51.000 They better.

02:36:51.000 We're right next door.

02:36:53.000 We got the cash.

02:36:54.000 Exactly.

02:36:54.000 We got the guns.

02:36:55.000 No, they got the guns now.

02:36:56.000 We sold them.

02:36:57.000 They have a lot of guns.

02:36:58.000 They have a lot of guns, man.

02:36:59.000 That was one of the dumbest ideas in the history of the human race was that Operation Fast and Furious.

02:37:05.000 You know what that is?

02:37:05.000 Where the DEA decided, you know what, we've got to find out what these Mexicans do with these guns.

02:37:10.000 Let's sell them a bunch of guns and track them. 0.93

02:37:12.000 So they sold them like thousands of guns.

02:37:14.000 It's called Operation Fast and Furious.

02:37:16.000 Yeah.

02:37:17.000 And then some of those guns were actually used to kill a U.S. Border Patrol agent.

02:37:22.000 Like, that is easily one of the dumbest ideas in the history of the or one of the most clever ruses for, oh, I was just so stupid.

02:37:31.000 I didn't even know you can't sell guns.

02:37:34.000 Sorry, it won't happen again.

02:37:34.000 Whoops.

02:37:36.000 I was actually working for the good guys when I was selling the bad guys guns.

02:37:39.000 Yeah, I figured we'd just watch who they shoot and then we have them. 0.85

02:37:42.000 You get it?

02:37:43.000 We have about 2,000 guns over there.

02:37:45.000 No worries.

02:37:45.000 It's no big deal.

02:37:46.000 Guns are illegal over there.

02:37:48.000 In Mexico?

02:37:49.000 All guns?

02:37:50.000 No, well, illegal to own as a citizen.

02:37:53.000 What about rifles?

02:37:54.000 Like hunting rifles?

02:37:55.000 I don't know about that.

02:37:57.000 I think that would be a gun, right?

02:37:59.000 Well, that's stupid.

02:37:59.000 How are you supposed to kill your food?

02:38:01.000 Everybody has to rely on someone else to kill it for them?

02:38:04.000 Apparently.

02:38:04.000 Beans are already dead, bro.

02:38:06.000 They're alive.

02:38:07.000 You got to pick them, bitch. 1.00

02:38:08.000 You start a gun out there.

02:38:10.000 Maybe you do.

02:38:11.000 But yeah, it's real interesting living out there, man.

02:38:14.000 It's a new world.

02:38:15.000 So you moved there just specifically to get around this law?

02:38:19.000 Yeah.

02:38:20.000 Are you in trouble saying that?

02:38:21.000 Can you say that?

02:38:21.000 Oh, no, no, no, no.

02:38:22.000 It's legal to play there.

02:38:23.000 Oh, it is?

02:38:24.000 Yeah, it's legal to play there.

02:38:24.000 So is it legal?

02:38:26.000 So you can say, like, if someone says, hey, why are you living in Mexico?

02:38:29.000 You can say, look, I'm a professional poker player.

02:38:31.000 That's how I make my living.

02:38:32.000 Do you pay taxes in America on those ill-gotten gains?

02:38:35.000 Yeah.

02:38:35.000 That's illegal.

02:38:36.000 How is that not illegal?

02:38:38.000 I don't know.

02:38:39.000 It's where the actual house that you sleep in is settled in.

02:38:43.000 That's what's important.

02:38:44.000 What line of the dirt is it on?

02:38:46.000 If it's on here, you can go to jail.

02:38:48.000 If it's on here, they'll take your tax dollars.

02:38:49.000 That's how it is.

02:38:51.000 Do you get shit for going back and forth?

02:38:53.000 Like, the border guys look at you funny?

02:38:54.000 Not really.

02:38:55.000 I mean, I just say I'm there to surf and relax, which is true.

02:38:59.000 But does it say that you're that you live, like when you look in your passport, does it say you live in Mexico?

02:39:05.000 No.

02:39:06.000 You have a United States passport.

02:39:07.000 Yeah.

02:39:08.000 So what do you say?

02:39:09.000 You just say I have a vacation home down there?

02:39:10.000 Yeah, just say I'm vacationing.

02:39:12.000 Yeah.

02:39:13.000 And, you know, it's not really a big deal when you come into the U.S., but when you go into Mexico, you don't want to say that.

02:39:19.000 What's the deal with Canada?

02:39:20.000 Can you do that in Canada?

02:39:21.000 You could do it in Canada.

02:39:22.000 You chose Mexico over Canada?

02:39:22.000 Yeah.

02:39:24.000 Yeah, like the beach.

02:39:25.000 Dude.

02:39:26.000 True.

02:39:27.000 It's true.

02:39:28.000 I guess.

02:39:29.000 Do you see those photos of Kevin Perry who just was in Cabo?

02:39:32.000 And the photos he sent.

02:39:34.000 He'd been tweeting.

02:39:35.000 It just looks so beautiful.

02:39:37.000 It's gorgeous, man.

02:39:38.000 It's fucking gorgeous.

02:39:39.000 However, you might get it.

02:39:41.000 It chose Canada.

02:39:43.000 Canadians are way nicer.

02:39:45.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:39:46.000 I thought about it, you know, but I just want to go somewhere and make a bunch of money and come back and live.

02:39:50.000 Now, when you have a professional poker player, what's the long-term goal?

02:39:55.000 Do you like, you try to be the best?

02:39:56.000 Try to stockpile enough money away so that you can get through a bad year?

02:40:00.000 Yeah.

02:40:01.000 Yeah, well, for example, I bought a house last year.

02:40:05.000 I have some money with a financial advisor.

02:40:07.000 I have some money in my bank.

02:40:09.000 I just try to diversify because there are going to be rainy days where you don't make money.

02:40:13.000 So I was fortunate that I was able to make enough to not have to really worry about it when Black Friday hit and I could live.

02:40:21.000 It's funny that everybody calls it in the poker community.

02:40:23.000 They call it Black Friday.

02:40:24.000 Black Friday.

02:40:26.000 Is there any work being done to try to fix that?

02:40:28.000 Yeah, it's going on.

02:40:28.000 I would say about a year until it's legalized.

02:40:31.000 The problem now is that they want to do it state to state where you're not going to be able to play with the whole world.

02:40:36.000 So you're going to have, it's not going to be able to make as much money as you could.

02:40:40.000 Yeah, you just play against Californians. 0.73

02:40:42.000 But that's the problem, bitch. 1.00

02:40:43.000 Listen to this.

02:40:44.000 That's true.

02:40:45.000 That's true.

02:40:46.000 On Sunday, they have a $200 buy-in, which gets about 4,000 players.

02:40:50.000 You can win a quarter of a million dollars.

02:40:53.000 Where's this?

02:40:53.000 It's online.

02:40:54.000 Jesus.

02:40:55.000 Poker stars.

02:40:56.000 And you can't play it if you live in America.

02:40:58.000 Could you go through a proxy?

02:40:58.000 Correct.

02:41:00.000 A pieroxy? 0.97

02:41:01.000 Pyroxy?

02:41:02.000 It's like a pierogi, but not as tasty as you can.

02:41:02.000 You could, but that's.

02:41:03.000 You could.

02:41:04.000 You could take the proxy.

02:41:05.000 Yeah, you could, but I wouldn't suggest it.

02:41:08.000 You know, because if they catch you, I don't know what they would do.

02:41:11.000 They'd probably arrest you, right?

02:41:12.000 I don't know.

02:41:13.000 Well, that's why I said the law with poker is it's so new that they don't really have anything set in place.

02:41:17.000 So they could probably take your money?

02:41:19.000 Probably.

02:41:20.000 They can't take it if you do it in Mexico.

02:41:20.000 Isn't that funny?

02:41:22.000 Even though you're paying them the taxes on that.

02:41:25.000 You want to hear the worst part of it is that, well, finally, they just remedy this, but for a bunch of years, you couldn't carry over losses.

02:41:25.000 That's a lot of people.

02:41:31.000 So let's say you made $100K one year, but then the next year you lost $40.

02:41:35.000 Well, they're not giving you any of that $100 back.

02:41:37.000 So it's hard to survive sometimes.

02:41:39.000 Well, that just makes sense.

02:41:40.000 I mean, it's just based on a yearly thing.

02:41:43.000 Why would you think that you'd be able to...

02:41:49.000 Right.

02:41:49.000 But if you're a poker player, you could lose some some year.

02:41:53.000 Now you can carry over, though.

02:41:54.000 They let you now carry over.

02:41:55.000 Oh, you do?

02:41:56.000 Now you can.

02:41:57.000 Within the last year, I believe.

02:41:59.000 Oh, that's interesting.

02:42:01.000 I should say I was told this by somebody.

02:42:03.000 The same guy that told Brian that dolphins have tails inside their butts?

02:42:07.000 No, this was a CPA.

02:42:08.000 So I'm hoping it's right, or else I'm screwed.

02:42:11.000 He's a producer.

02:42:13.000 They're all distributors of disinformation.

02:42:16.000 You should make sure you check.

02:42:17.000 Yeah, I should check that.

02:42:18.000 That's the same.

02:42:19.000 You never know, man.

02:42:19.000 You're right.

02:42:20.000 He might be fucking with you.

02:42:21.000 Next thing you know, you're trying to claim some shit, and he's just trying to get you locked up.

02:42:21.000 It's true.

02:42:25.000 Maybe he's deep inside.

02:42:26.000 He's working you from the inside, like that show, Homeland.

02:42:28.000 You know what I'm talking about?

02:42:29.000 I haven't Seen it yet?

02:42:30.000 I've been told to watch that, though.

02:42:32.000 It's good, man.

02:42:33.000 So you said you worked with Campman and you worked with Kung Lee?

02:42:37.000 Yes.

02:42:38.000 Did you work with Kung for his last fight with Rich Franklin?

02:42:40.000 So, well, actually, I worked with him for his last fight before that against Cote.

02:42:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:42:45.000 More extensively.

02:42:46.000 For the other fight, we talked once.

02:42:49.000 Oh, okay.

02:42:49.000 So we didn't.

02:42:50.000 It's sort of like still in its infancy stages.

02:42:52.000 Did you plan on doing this as a business?

02:42:54.000 I want to, yeah.

02:42:55.000 Yeah?

02:42:55.000 Yeah.

02:42:56.000 What would you do?

02:42:56.000 Just make different programs based on different guys and how to just play it by ear and try to figure out what you can do to fix them?

02:43:05.000 Yeah, I mean, well, the thing is, like I said, it differs so much from person to person.

02:43:08.000 So you can have kind of an idea of where you're going, but how you get there is going to be different based on everybody else and what's going on in their head.

02:43:16.000 That's pretty cool, dude.

02:43:17.000 You know, you're obviously a guy who's sort of figured out in life that you can carve your own path.

02:43:23.000 You know, you don't have, you're not living, I mean, you're living in fucking Mexico, first of all. 1.00

02:43:27.000 That should be a big hint.

02:43:29.000 Professional poker player.

02:43:30.000 And I'm just going to go mentally coach fighters.

02:43:33.000 Yeah, well, I mean, that's the fun way to live life, I think.

02:43:36.000 Oh, fuck yeah.

02:43:37.000 Without a doubt, I think it's so important for people to hear that people like you are doing that too.

02:43:42.000 Because so many people think that life is just this sort of mundane series of events that you've been thrown into, and there's no way to get out of it, and you're going to be stuck doing something along these lines for the rest of your life.

02:43:54.000 Look, you can do anything you want.

02:43:56.000 And I know it sounds corny, but one day I literally woke up and said, you know what, I want to work with MMA fighters, and I took action.

02:44:03.000 That's the one thing I think that most people are lacking.

02:44:06.000 They can think of great things they want to do, but as far as action goes, there really isn't.

02:44:10.000 A lot of people are waiting for someone else to come along and help them.

02:44:14.000 That's why one of the most annoying things, I bet you must get this, is people that have requests for you to help them, like start a business, or requests for you to help them.

02:44:22.000 Do you get that kind of thing?

02:44:23.000 As an investor, you mean?

02:44:25.000 As an investor.

02:44:26.000 You've been burned a couple times.

02:44:27.000 I don't do it anymore.

02:44:29.000 You've got to figure out your own path, son.

02:44:31.000 And coming up to someone and say, listen, if you took this and you brought it to a producer, like, ah, I got my own things to worry about.

02:44:36.000 You got to find your own way.

02:44:38.000 Don't try to get a bunch of people to fucking make your business by donating money and stop, stop.

02:44:43.000 You need to set up a structure.

02:44:44.000 Yeah, you know.

02:44:45.000 Exactly.

02:44:45.000 You need to just set up a structure for how you're going to get to where you want to get.

02:44:48.000 And that's the only way to do it.

02:44:50.000 There's a lot of fucking people that want other people to help them.

02:44:53.000 I get requests like that.

02:44:54.000 Can you teach me how to play poker?

02:44:56.000 Yeah.

02:44:56.000 That seems easy.

02:44:56.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:44:59.000 Do you realize how much time it takes to get good at poker?

02:45:01.000 I asked them that.

02:45:02.000 I say, do you understand that you're going to have to be completely immersed in it for a year or two?

02:45:06.000 Can you do that with your time?

02:45:08.000 Yeah, eight hours a day.

02:45:09.000 Good luck.

02:45:09.000 And if you don't, you're going to lose.

02:45:11.000 So you never be a fucking professional, goddammit.

02:45:11.000 Exactly.

02:45:14.000 It's very important, though, dude, to have guys like you to have a conversation with someone who's living a life that seems like a crazy life.

02:45:22.000 Like, you know, like, wow, how'd that guy figure that out?

02:45:24.000 How'd that guy do that?

02:45:25.000 It's so important for normal folks to hear stuff like your story.

02:45:30.000 Like, if I was 18 and I heard your story, it would be great for me because I'd be like, oh, okay, well, that's possible too.

02:45:37.000 Like, maybe you don't have to do this job.

02:45:39.000 Like, maybe I should figure out if I could be a poker player.

02:45:41.000 That guy seems cool.

02:45:42.000 He's having a good time.

02:45:43.000 Like, just the idea, just put the idea of you being able to accomplish things that are unusual, things you don't see around you.

02:45:51.000 It's not easy.

02:45:52.000 Look, it takes work.

02:45:53.000 And that's why most people, I don't think, do it because it takes a lot of work, man.

02:45:57.000 It takes a lot of work to do anything.

02:45:58.000 Yeah.

02:45:59.000 To be a comedian, to be an MMA fighter, to be a poker player, anything and everything.

02:45:59.000 To do anything.

02:46:05.000 That's sort of the key to life.

02:46:06.000 Find something that you really love to do and just go fucking crazy with it.

02:46:10.000 And the key is to not be stopped because you're going to hit road bumps.

02:46:13.000 Some people will just say, okay, well, I'll try something new.

02:46:15.000 But I hit road bumps in poker, too.

02:46:17.000 When I went broke, I thought about quitting every time.

02:46:22.000 And I just said, you know what?

02:46:24.000 I'm just going to get better.

02:46:25.000 And actually, the way I did it was I messaged the top 10 ranked poker players online.

02:46:30.000 That's how I did it.

02:46:31.000 I said, listen, I'm looking to get good.

02:46:34.000 Will you take five minutes out of your day to talk to me?

02:46:36.000 And three of them said yes.

02:46:38.000 Those are suckers.

02:46:39.000 Those guys screwed up.

02:46:40.000 And then all of a sudden let this guy in.

02:46:41.000 Now he's going to take all your fucking money.

02:46:43.000 What if you come in second place and you come in first place and he comes in second?

02:46:46.000 He's like, what the fuck?

02:46:47.000 Yeah, you certainly can't do it with a large group of people, but I definitely try to take like three or four people under my wing, you know, at a time.

02:46:53.000 That's cool, man.

02:46:53.000 That's beautiful.

02:46:54.000 I think it's important.

02:46:55.000 Take Brian under your wing.

02:46:56.000 I've been life coach so much this week.

02:46:58.000 I'm sore I can't even say and with that gem ladies and gentlemen thanks once again everybody who bought my special my comedy special online if you go to joerogan.net live from the tabernacle I couldn't come up with another name I was trying to figure out what another name would be but it just never came to me and I didn't think it was important so it's live from the tabernacle because I filmed it at the tabernacle theater in Atlanta Georgia and I think if you play this music it

02:47:28.000 distracts me and it makes me confused.

02:47:31.000 I don't know what to do now.

02:47:32.000 Live from the Tabernacle is available DRM free.

02:47:35.000 That means you can download it, you can put it on whatever the fuck you want.

02:47:38.000 You can copy it, you can watch TV, watch it on an iPad.

02:47:41.000 There's a bunch of different downloads you can get to.

02:47:43.000 You can also stream it.

02:47:44.000 There's a lot of different options available.

02:47:46.000 You can buy it with PayPal or Amazon.

02:47:47.000 It's only five books.

02:47:48.000 Louis C.K. style.

02:47:50.000 Louis, I think, really sort of changed the entire way that comedians are going to be distributing their shows in the future to self-promote it and self-fund it and that's what I did.

02:48:00.000 I paid for the entire filming of it all.

02:48:02.000 Hired a real director and my friend Anthony and his big company Positive Image Video to do a great professional job on it.

02:48:10.000 So I'm really proud of it.

02:48:11.000 I think it's my favorite stuff of all the stuff that I've ever done.

02:48:14.000 It's really exciting.

02:48:16.000 It's an awesome time to be a comedian.

02:48:18.000 I'm in my replenishing material phase right now, so it's really exciting.

02:48:24.000 I'm doing a lot of sets and having so much fun coming up with new shit, but the feedback's been amazing.

02:48:29.000 It's been the most positive feedback of anything I've ever done online ever.

02:48:34.000 So I just want to thank you guys and thanks to everybody that sends all the cool tweets and the Facebook messages and all that shit.

02:48:41.000 I appreciate the fuck out of all of it.

02:48:43.000 I can't thank everybody individually one at a time, but we know that you guys are enjoying the show.

02:48:49.000 We know that you guys are enjoying the stand-up shows and all the other shit that we do and we're very happy And we're going to keep doing it.

02:48:55.000 If you want to follow Matt on...

02:48:58.000 online you could follow him he is on Twitter and his Twitter handle is Matt Vengrin V E N G R I N So that's M-A-T-T-V-E-N-G-R-I-N. 0.95

02:49:12.000 Do you have a website too?

02:49:14.000 I do, but I hardly use it.

02:49:15.000 But I would like to plug a charity book I made.

02:49:18.000 Okay.

02:49:18.000 It's called Poker with a Purpose.

02:49:20.000 It's on Amazon.

02:49:22.000 Did you do that just to get chicks?

02:49:23.000 No.

02:49:24.000 Say I do charity poker.

02:49:25.000 No, but I did give 100% of it to our charity.

02:49:30.000 I didn't take it.

02:49:31.000 That's awesome.

02:49:31.000 Oh, that's beautiful.

02:49:32.000 And we got 20 of the best poker players in the world writing it.

02:49:35.000 And is it an instructional that we'll use?

02:49:35.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:49:37.000 Yeah, so basically there's the way I did it was I did like different facets of the game, like three betting.

02:49:46.000 You probably want to understand the terms of three betting, different things of poker.

02:49:49.000 And I did three people to do their opinion on it.

02:49:52.000 So you could choose which one you like or incorporate whatever you like into it.

02:49:55.000 Mostly it's just one person writing about it like they know it to be fact.

02:49:57.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:49:58.000 And so all these different people put it out and it's available through Amazon.

02:50:02.000 And it's just since we're giving this to greenworld.org where they plant trees all throughout the world.

02:50:10.000 So yeah, we just, it's $10 is cheap and there's amazing information in it.

02:50:14.000 It's a strategy book.

02:50:15.000 That's beautiful.

02:50:16.000 And it's called Poker with a Purpose.

02:50:17.000 Correct.

02:50:18.000 And available on Amazon.com.

02:50:20.000 Thanks again to Kerosene Games for promoting the podcast.

02:50:25.000 And go check out Bladeslinger, their newest video game.

02:50:30.000 Their first, actually, they're working on other ones, but this is the first one.

02:50:33.000 Excellent.

02:50:34.000 Oh, you son of a bitch.

02:50:35.000 You got a beta copy?

02:50:37.000 Yeah, I've been playing for a couple months.

02:50:37.000 Yeah.

02:50:39.000 Bladeslinger is available until December 29th.

02:50:41.000 It's only 99 cents.

02:50:42.000 It's $2.99 normally.

02:50:44.000 So either way, it's very reasonable.

02:50:46.000 Three bucks for an awesome video game that you could play over and over again until your dick falls off.

02:50:51.000 So go get some, son.

02:50:53.000 And thanks also to onit.com.

02:50:55.000 Use the code name Rogan.

02:50:57.000 That's R-O-G-A-N, and save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. 0.92

02:51:03.000 All right, you fucks.

02:51:04.000 Thank you, Matt, for being on the podcast.

02:51:06.000 Pleasure.

02:51:06.000 Thank you, all you freak people out there in the wonderful world.

02:51:10.000 Oh, my goodness.

02:51:11.000 Tomorrow, we're going to have Andrew Dice Clay on.

02:51:13.000 Boom.

02:51:14.000 He just texted me back.

02:51:15.000 These are the kind of live updates that you get on this fucking podcast. 0.60

02:51:19.000 So we'll see you tomorrow.

02:51:21.000 Anything else?

02:51:22.000 I'll be Ice House Chronicles Friday with a special guest that I can't announce until Thursday at midnight.

02:51:27.000 So tickets are on step at icehousecomedy.com.

02:51:30.000 It's going to be a podcast slash.

02:51:32.000 I'll tell you, you can't say who it is, but he might have been in a movie that rhymes with super All right, fuckers.

02:51:41.000 Thanks.

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 27, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #303 - Matt Vengrin

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