The Joe Rogan Experience - December 27, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #304 - Andrew Dice Clay

Topics
chin work asshole face clean comics arenas and comedy career fat girl jokes heckle fights blackberry joke driving back from Vegas Steve Sharippa twinks twinks lost tapes documentary
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Andrew Dice Clay
Mentioned
Lenny Clark Rodney Vegas Andrew Dice Clay Official Seinfeld Eleanor Kerrigan Frank Stallone Alan Chernoff John Travolta Harris Pete Paulie Joey Diaz Doug Stanhope Brian Redman Harry Miller Bobby Kelly Andy Cohen Tom Green Sylvester Stallone John Larroquette and 109 more
Joe Rogan Experience #301 - Doug Stanhope Joe Rogan Experience #305 - Bert Kreischer (Part 2)

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 36 minutes

Words per minute

203.7

Word count

31,866

Sentence count

3,488

Harmful content

Misogyny

81

sentences flagged

Toxicity

799

sentences flagged

Hate speech

72

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the comedian and podcaster joins us to talk about his new comedy special, "It's A Pointless Pointless Thing," and we talk about how he got into comedy, and why he thinks it's the best thing he's ever done. We also talk about nootropics and why they're a good thing, and how they should be your number one drug of choice if you're looking for a good night of sleep. Joe also talks about his upcoming comedy special "When Louis C.K. Does It" and how he's going to do it better than the last time he did it, which was in front of a live audience at a coffee shop in New York. Joe also gives us some tips and tricks on how to get started with your own comedy set up and how to make a stand-up comedy set. We also discuss his new standup special, which is coming soon, and what it's like to do standup at a comedy club and do it the way he does it. And of course, we have a special guest, Deadmau5. . We hope you enjoy this episode, and don't forget to subscribe to the pod! and leave us a rating and review it on Apple Podcasts! If you like what you're listening, share it with a friend, and tell us what you think about it! and we'll send it to a friend who needs a good friend who's listening to the show. Thank you so much for listening to this episode! - it's a great episode. - Joe Rogans Experience Podcast! XOXO, Joe Rogan Experience Podcast - The Best Podcast of the Podcast! - Tom Green and Steve O'Donnell "The Best Podcast I've Ever Had" - The JOE ROGAN Experience Podcast by the JOE Podcast - & the JOB PODCAST by Steve Orsini Thank You, Steve O "The JOB Pod, the Podcast Hosted by JOB JOB'S BODCAST, the podcast that's Best Podcast by JOE'S MOST COFFEE AND THE JOBODO'S DOGAN EPISODE EVER, JOB RODAN AND THE MOST ACTUAL JOB O'ROGAN'S EPISODES AND THE KELLY JOB AND THE BEST JOB EVER?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:00:07.000 But if you've heard the podcast before, you already know that.
00:00:11.000 So I'll spare you most of the nonsense.
00:00:13.000 If you use the code name ROGAN, you get 10% off any and all supplements. 0.98
00:00:17.000 The supplements are the best shit available. 0.99
00:00:20.000 The best shit we can find. 1.00
00:00:22.000 We sell you the stuff that we actually use. 0.99
00:00:25.000 I've been a fan of nootropics long before I ever got involved in being a pitch man.
00:00:30.000 But I am a firm believer in healthy diet and nutrients for your body.
00:00:36.000 And I believe that nootropics are beneficial for cognitive function.
00:00:40.000 I take them And that's why we sell them.
00:00:42.000 Alpha Brain is the best combination of nootropics we know how to put together.
00:00:47.000 If there was a better combination, if there was a better way to do it, we would do that way.
00:00:52.000 That's just what we do.
00:00:54.000 The whole idea, but that sounded so douchey.
00:00:56.000 That's just what we do.
00:00:57.000 That sounded like a girl who's talking about her team.
00:01:00.000 We win!
00:01:01.000 That's just what we do.
00:01:03.000 I apologize for that. 0.98
00:01:04.000 Look, I have loved these fucking things, and sometimes I don't even know what I'm saying. 0.97
00:01:06.000 It comes out of my mouth, and I'm like, really, dude? 0.99
00:01:08.000 Yeah, really, dude.
00:01:10.000 If I had a chance to edit this, it would be way better, but I don't. 0.93
00:01:13.000 All the other shit that we sell, whether it's hemp force, we're selling you the best quality hemp protein that is available. 0.95
00:01:21.000 It is sweetened with natural sweeteners. 0.99
00:01:23.000 It's called stevia.
00:01:24.000 There's like one gram of sugar In a serving.
00:01:28.000 It's completely negligible.
00:01:29.000 And the beneficial nutrients that you get from it are fantastic.
00:01:33.000 It's got raw cocoa in it, which is an excellent antioxidant.
00:01:37.000 It also has maca in it, which is a testosterone booster.
00:01:41.000 Very healthy root.
00:01:42.000 So the hemp protein powder that we sell is the highest quality, highest protein content available.
00:01:51.000 So it's all substantial nutrition. 0.98
00:01:54.000 And it tastes fucking great. 0.97
00:01:55.000 And we got kettlebells and battle ropes. 0.99
00:01:57.000 And go get yourself some grass-fitted beef, son. 1.00
00:02:00.000 Get your shit together. 1.00
00:02:01.000 Alright? 1.00
00:02:01.000 Get your shit together. 1.00
00:02:03.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements. 0.99
00:02:07.000 We are also brought to you by Desquad.TV. Desquad.TV is where the...
00:02:12.000 You ever see those shirts that everybody...
00:02:14.000 Where do you get those Desquad shirts that people wear at our shows?
00:02:16.000 Those are all available at Desquad.TV. And they are the creation of Brian Redman.
00:02:23.000 They are 100% his.
00:02:24.000 He doesn't just...
00:02:25.000 You're not just buying a shirt from a guy who commissioned an artist.
00:02:29.000 If you buy any of my higher primate shirts, I'd pay a dude to draw those things.
00:02:34.000 Brian actually makes these cats. 0.99
00:02:37.000 You know, love him or hate him, they're trippy as fuck. 0.99
00:02:40.000 And the new one, the new cat is my favorite cat, for sure. 0.99
00:02:43.000 We gotta do something with that dude.
00:02:44.000 Oh, wait till you see the newer, newer one that I'm working on right now.
00:02:47.000 I'm nervous, because this one is... 0.99
00:02:49.000 They're just so fucked up. 0.99
00:02:50.000 How nervous do you think I'm nervous? 1.00
00:02:51.000 It's hard to fucking do this. 0.97
00:02:52.000 Now I'm like, I gotta make it better than the last one. 0.99
00:02:55.000 They're so weird, you know, strapped up with dynamite and fucking crazy looks at his eyes. 0.98
00:03:00.000 Like, what is the message here? 0.99
00:03:02.000 Like, what the fuck is the message here? 0.90
00:03:05.000 Can I just promote that we have a great podcast with Tom Green and Steve-O at DeathSquad.tv right now that we just put, it has Kat Von D and Deadmau5 on it. 0.98
00:03:12.000 Oh, that's cool.
00:03:13.000 Okay, this is the ones that you've been doing on Mondays.
00:03:14.000 Yes.
00:03:14.000 Yeah.
00:03:15.000 Yeah, lots of great podcasts at DeathSquad on iTunes.
00:03:19.000 We've got Kevin Pereira, if you've ever seen Attack of the Show.
00:03:22.000 Kevin Pereira was the host for the longest time, and now he has one of the best podcasts on the internet. 0.83
00:03:28.000 It's fucking awesome.
00:03:29.000 The dude is just, he's so smart, and he's so cool, and he's just so in the right groove all the time. 0.91
00:03:36.000 I love talking to that guy, and I love his podcast.
00:03:39.000 It's called Pointless.
00:03:40.000 And you can catch that on iTunes.
00:03:43.000 Always. 1.00
00:03:44.000 All this shit is free. 1.00
00:03:45.000 Always free. 1.00
00:03:46.000 We'll keep it free. 1.00
00:03:47.000 Except my comedy special, bitch. 1.00
00:03:49.000 You gotta pay for that. 1.00
00:03:50.000 It's only five bucks, though.
00:03:51.000 When Louis C.K. set out to do it, I think if you have to look at the best comics in the country right now, I'd say Louis C.K. is right at the very top of the heap.
00:04:02.000 So when Louis C.K. puts a comedy special out and it's five bucks, you can't make yours six.
00:04:07.000 You've got to do five bucks too, stupid. 1.00
00:04:09.000 Or four. 1.00
00:04:11.000 How about you be a little humble? 1.00
00:04:12.000 Your shit's worth about $3.50. 1.00
00:04:15.000 But the ability to do that, that Louis exposed, was huge. 1.00
00:04:20.000 It was just an amazing new thing.
00:04:23.000 A light went off in my head when I saw it.
00:04:24.000 I was like, oh my god, that's how I'm doing everything from now on.
00:04:27.000 I wish I had thought of it myself, but I'm so glad he did.
00:04:31.000 And it's available DRM-free on JoeRogan.net.
00:04:34.000 It's only five bucks.
00:04:35.000 You can get it.
00:04:36.000 You can use PayPal and Amazon.
00:04:37.000 And I paid for the whole thing.
00:04:39.000 I paid to get it produced and filmed and edited.
00:04:43.000 And you can also gift it.
00:04:44.000 Like, I sent one to my dad.
00:04:45.000 He just got an iPad and Apple TV, so now he's all appling it out.
00:04:50.000 So I send him it, and it goes to his email.
00:04:53.000 He just clicks on it and downloads it, and then he can just, you know, stream it right to his TV. It's great.
00:04:58.000 I always have that uncomfortable moment when I have to talk to a dude after he's seen my act for the first time, especially like an older guy.
00:05:05.000 He's already seen you.
00:05:06.000 Oh, really?
00:05:06.000 Remember, he saw you like seven years ago when we were there for the Men of Comedy.
00:05:11.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:05:12.000 That's right.
00:05:13.000 Yeah, we did it.
00:05:13.000 That's right.
00:05:15.000 Yeah, all right.
00:05:16.000 We'll start this podcast, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99
00:05:18.000 Andrew Dice Clay is here, bitches. 1.00
00:05:19.000 Respect. 0.99
00:05:21.000 Respect!
00:05:22.000 The Jack Rogan experience. 1.00
00:05:30.000 New Year's Eve, you dirty fucks. 1.00
00:05:32.000 It's going down. 1.00
00:05:33.000 Andrew, motherfucking Dice Clay. 0.98
00:05:35.000 Where it will be? 0.99
00:05:36.000 How can they say it?
00:05:38.000 Showtime.
00:05:38.000 10 p.m.
00:05:39.000 On Showtime.
00:05:41.000 On Showtime.
00:05:41.000 Is this something you've already filmed?
00:05:43.000 Yeah, no, I filmed this already.
00:05:45.000 You said you were very happy with it.
00:05:47.000 Really happy with it.
00:05:48.000 But I really stayed on it from beginning to end.
00:05:51.000 I had a concept that I wanted to do, as far as I'm concerned, the most.
00:05:57.000 Like an ultimate rock and roll stand-up show.
00:06:00.000 To really bring excitement Like you, you're very animated on stage.
00:06:07.000 You're all over the place.
00:06:09.000 You move.
00:06:10.000 You can see there's life in you.
00:06:12.000 And that's the one thing that always bothered me about comedians, that they don't know too much about performance art.
00:06:19.000 Especially when the cameras are rolling. 0.99
00:06:22.000 Everybody thinks they're great, and then the cameras turn on, and they stand like a fucking mummy. 0.99
00:06:27.000 So I really wanted to give a real edgy rock and roll special and... 0.99
00:06:33.000 You know, as you've met before, my sons, you know, LA Rocks opens the show.
00:06:40.000 Eleanor Kerrigan, you know, who opens my shows, is in the special, which you never even see an opening act in a one-hour special. 0.69
00:06:49.000 And it's just from the second it starts to the second it ends, it's just exciting and it's fucking funny.
00:06:57.000 You know, and that's what I wanted to deliver. 0.96
00:07:00.000 I wanted to give people something that, you know, especially, you know, the way the world is today, the whole political correctness fucking shit, you know, and I wanted, I made sure there is nothing politically correct about this special. 0.98
00:07:15.000 Because when comics are being put on trial, they're telling a gay joke or a black joke, and now the whole world, what do you think? 0.98
00:07:25.000 When TMZ stop and you go, what do you think of Daniel Tosh saying this joke? 1.00
00:07:33.000 I go, it's a fucking joke. 0.99
00:07:35.000 Isn't that the point? 0.99
00:07:36.000 Aren't we allowed to comment on what goes on socially in the world?
00:07:41.000 And since when is someone joking and being serious at the same time?
00:07:45.000 Since when is that a real statement? 1.00
00:07:47.000 When someone's saying something that's obviously ridiculous, they don't really mean that, you're so stupid you can't interpret that? 1.00
00:07:54.000 You can't, you know? 1.00
00:07:54.000 And we're not running for office with comedians. 1.00
00:07:57.000 And the idea is that when someone says something offensive that's a joke, the idea is that somehow it's the exact same thing as saying something offensive about a person, whether it's a racist thing, Or a gay thing for just being cruel.
00:08:11.000 We're not in the street having an argument and calling somebody a name.
00:08:13.000 No.
00:08:14.000 We're saying it for an effect.
00:08:15.000 That's right.
00:08:16.000 And it's an art form.
00:08:17.000 Yeah.
00:08:17.000 And people, you know, this is a time where people need to really laugh.
00:08:21.000 You know, I really wanted the New Year's Eve spot because I also know, you know, especially because that hurricane happened on the East Coast.
00:08:31.000 And I know a lot of people don't go out.
00:08:33.000 It's house parties.
00:08:34.000 Right. 0.99
00:08:34.000 And I just want their stomachs to fucking hurt. 0.99
00:08:38.000 From the things I'm saying on that stage. 0.99
00:08:41.000 Well listen, I saw you in Vegas.
00:08:42.000 Me and Norton and Anthony.
00:08:44.000 Red Band was with you.
00:08:45.000 Oh yeah, Red Band came.
00:08:47.000 Sam from Opie and Anthony's show. 0.99
00:08:50.000 And we had the fucking best time. 0.98
00:08:53.000 Because that's like... 0.98
00:08:54.000 It's a rare treat for me to be able to go and just sit down and be an audience member.
00:08:58.000 And enjoy it.
00:08:59.000 Yes!
00:08:59.000 At a great show.
00:09:01.000 And you're seeing somebody that won't hold back no matter where.
00:09:05.000 You know, the first time I even did Vegas years ago for the Comedy Store, when the Comedy Store was at the Dunes, I got fired the second night, you know, for language, you know.
00:09:18.000 Is this you?
00:09:19.000 Is this the new special?
00:09:20.000 Yeah, this is the new special.
00:09:21.000 I love it!
00:09:22.000 Yeah, I wanted, you know, I didn't wear anything too intense as far as an outfit.
00:09:28.000 I didn't want to go with the Elvis-y jackets, you know.
00:09:31.000 I wanted it very street.
00:09:32.000 I wanted the stage to look street, you know. 0.95
00:09:36.000 The show you put on in Vegas was fucking awesome. 0.98
00:09:39.000 I really enjoyed the shit out of it. 0.99
00:09:40.000 Well, that's why I prepared for this. 0.98
00:09:42.000 I prepared for it in Vegas and around the country, but I did, you know, this past year, I did 28 weeks in Vegas. 0.99
00:09:48.000 You know, I just wanted it tight because as good as you think you might be when the cameras are rolling, like I said, you are going to fuck up a little. 0.96
00:09:57.000 You know, like I was doing this one bit.
00:10:01.000 Where I left out a whole chunk of the bit because I was so into like performing for the crowd that after the show was over, you know, the producers were like, you know, my wife, she goes, you left out this, this and this, you know, but that was the warm up show.
00:10:17.000 You know, and then the second show I came out to just annihilate the crowd and the crowd was, you know, it was bedlam.
00:10:24.000 It was as insane as I was.
00:10:26.000 You know, it was very reminiscent of my first special as far as the audience reaction.
00:10:33.000 The energy.
00:10:34.000 Yeah, we did it in Chicago. 0.99
00:10:35.000 I mean, the band kicked ass. 0.84
00:10:38.000 Do you feel like you're having like a resurgence? 0.97
00:10:40.000 It's a complete resurgence.
00:10:42.000 You know, I mean, just by the response of the people.
00:10:46.000 You know, years ago, you know, when I would say certain things with women, you know, it was the, you know, that's wrong to say, you know. 0.99
00:10:55.000 And today, when I tell them what piglets they've become through the years, now they've got their fists pumping in the air like, yeah, dice, dice!
00:11:07.000 It's a different era, right? 1.00
00:11:08.000 People are more accepting of fucked up shit now because of the internet. 0.99
00:11:12.000 But also, people have changed because a lot of what I talk about is sexual. 1.00
00:11:17.000 You know, and women have changed. 1.00
00:11:18.000 They're the ones that wrote the material, you know, that, you know, in this day and age, you know, I had a call from a friend of mine that was with a girl, went out with her, thought she was a sweet girl, and, you know, they wound up just doing everything imaginable to each other.
00:11:33.000 And he tells me, so I call her the next day, you know, to see how she's doing, you know, letting her know, like, it's not forgotten, like, I want to see you.
00:11:42.000 And she goes, I'll call you right back, and she never even called me again, he said.
00:11:45.000 He goes, I was the one night stand.
00:11:48.000 But that's how things have changed, that they've become so aggressive, you know, that you can't go by the face.
00:11:54.000 You can't go by, oh, she's got that girl next door look. 1.00
00:11:58.000 You know, and the next thing you know, she's a contortionist for you, you know, wrapping her feet around the back of her neck while you bang her. 1.00
00:12:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:12:07.000 That's what it is today.
00:12:08.000 That didn't exist before?
00:12:09.000 Well, you know what?
00:12:10.000 I didn't have one like that.
00:12:12.000 You know what I mean?
00:12:13.000 You know, I haven't hit the contortionist thing, but, you know, I always thought a woman in the bedroom or, you know, in a subway, wherever you might be banging her at the time, you know, A dressing room, whatever.
00:12:25.000 A cab, a car, whatever.
00:12:28.000 You know, an alley.
00:12:29.000 You know, should be the kind of woman she wants to be. 1.00
00:12:32.000 Like, that she doesn't have to hold back.
00:12:34.000 Because I always felt like a lot of relationships, you know, like I'm married now for the third time and I feel a lot of relationships start, you know, splitting apart because People aren't honest at the beginning about what they like, how they like to be.
00:12:50.000 You know, years ago, a woman wouldn't let you know all these little things that might, you know, push her buttons.
00:12:56.000 And sooner or later, she's doing it with some other guy because she's now afraid to tell you what she's about. 0.98
00:13:02.000 And, you know, I would always let a woman know, just be the pig that you are, if I had to say it comedically. 1.00
00:13:10.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:13:11.000 Be what you want to be.
00:13:12.000 I don't judge that way.
00:13:14.000 Yeah, I think slowly but surely everyone's going to just be what they want to be.
00:13:19.000 Yeah, but when you're in a relationship and you don't start out that way, that's where the problems could arise.
00:13:27.000 Yeah, and also people grow in different directions.
00:13:30.000 That happens too.
00:13:31.000 One person will get freakier, the other person wants to settle down more.
00:13:34.000 Well, you know what?
00:13:35.000 You know, I always say to a guy that's with a woman for a bunch of years in the audience, I go, what are you going to leave her?
00:13:41.000 Just to fall in hate all over again?
00:13:43.000 You know what I mean?
00:13:44.000 Because it always starts out nice, you know what I mean? 0.99
00:13:47.000 And then a couple years later, it's that fucking money-grubbing hoover all the way to plaintiff. 0.97
00:13:53.000 Is it possible to break that chain? 0.99
00:13:56.000 How do you break that chain?
00:13:57.000 You know, we're doing good.
00:13:59.000 You know?
00:14:00.000 Me and my wife are doing good.
00:14:01.000 Yeah, she seems happy.
00:14:02.000 She's always smiling.
00:14:03.000 You're always smiling when you're with her?
00:14:04.000 Yeah, she makes me happy.
00:14:06.000 We make each other happy.
00:14:07.000 Is it just a matter of getting the right combination, finding the right two humans?
00:14:10.000 You know what it is?
00:14:11.000 You really do have to search that out.
00:14:14.000 And, you know, I'm not going to sit here and make, like, we never had an argument.
00:14:18.000 I mean, she's Latin, you know.
00:14:19.000 Right.
00:14:19.000 You know, I mean, it gets crazy sometimes, but we always know that we're tight.
00:14:25.000 That's what keeps you together.
00:14:27.000 I mean, an argument happens with anybody.
00:14:29.000 But you've got to know that you've got all these other things in the relationship that keep you together.
00:14:36.000 Yeah.
00:14:37.000 Yeah, if you just...
00:14:38.000 But that's, you know, but that's what I talk, you know, when I'm on stage, it's a different side of me.
00:14:43.000 It's, you know, it's, you know, an animal unleashed that when I'm on a stage, I could just have the freedom to say things the way I see it and paint these crazy, almost like pornographic, comedic cartoons for people.
00:14:58.000 And they laugh because...
00:15:00.000 They know they're doing it.
00:15:02.000 You know what I mean?
00:15:03.000 You know, when you see a couple, and you do, you know, we're similar in that thing.
00:15:06.000 You say what you feel on stage, and whenever you see those couples that look at each other and laugh, those are the couples that go, how does he know?
00:15:16.000 How does he know what an animal I am?
00:15:19.000 You know what I mean?
00:15:20.000 How does he know this, you know?
00:15:21.000 But that's research.
00:15:22.000 You know, you go through life and you learn different things.
00:15:25.000 Research.
00:15:26.000 Yeah, it's got to be research.
00:15:28.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:15:29.000 Everything is research, really.
00:15:30.000 I was with a contortionist recently, and I thought it would be amazing. 0.99
00:15:34.000 I mean, I always pictured it would be amazing, but she's always just really sore, and she always has a fucked up chin because her chin's always on the floor and shit. 1.00
00:15:42.000 Really? 0.99
00:15:43.000 Yeah, and I'm a chin guy.
00:15:44.000 I don't like weak chins where it's just like... 1.00
00:15:47.000 And then when it's a nice chin, but it's all scratched up and rashy... 0.96
00:15:52.000 Damn, they use the bottom of their chin a lot? 1.00
00:15:55.000 They're always on their chins. 0.99
00:15:55.000 Yeah, that's interesting to me. 0.99
00:15:57.000 You know, I haven't hit that yet.
00:15:59.000 Wow.
00:15:59.000 We do any chin work?
00:16:01.000 No.
00:16:02.000 You know, there's no chin work in our sex. 0.93
00:16:04.000 What do you mean with the chin?
00:16:05.000 Because, like, when they do contortionist stuff...
00:16:07.000 Don't lie to me, Red Band.
00:16:08.000 No, there are.
00:16:09.000 There really are photos of people.
00:16:10.000 I'm in a good mood.
00:16:11.000 We're coming into the new year. 1.00
00:16:12.000 If you're just fucking around with me, I'm going to get angry. 1.00
00:16:14.000 100%. 1.00
00:16:14.000 Like, a lot of times... 1.00
00:16:15.000 Pull a photo up, bro.
00:16:16.000 Pull a photo for him.
00:16:17.000 Photo of the chins? 0.85
00:16:19.000 Yeah, someone doing that on their chin. 0.78
00:16:21.000 How would you even have that here?
00:16:23.000 I better not say where she works.
00:16:26.000 But she would always be in a bent position where her face is always on the ground. 0.83
00:16:33.000 And her feet go all the way over the back of her head. 0.99
00:16:36.000 Her feet go around her like this.
00:16:36.000 So she's sitting there like that.
00:16:38.000 Whenever she's doing contortionist, she's always on her chin here.
00:16:41.000 I'll show you some photos if you look at that TV right there.
00:16:50.000 This is a girl that you know?
00:16:54.000 This is not her.
00:16:55.000 This girl is seven.
00:16:57.000 What's that?
00:16:58.000 I've got bad eyes.
00:17:00.000 I can't be looking at a seven-year-old.
00:17:03.000 This is a woman. 0.86
00:17:04.000 This is a woman. 0.90
00:17:06.000 See that woman's legs? 1.00
00:17:08.000 See how her chin is on the ground? 0.87
00:17:10.000 You never think about it, but contortionists always have their faces on the ground.
00:17:13.000 You're stepping on her head and you're in there, you know what I mean? 0.96
00:17:15.000 That's no good.
00:17:16.000 That is a weird position to put your body in.
00:17:20.000 That's not a position I could get into, I don't think.
00:17:22.000 And then in sex, you just don't think about it.
00:17:24.000 Like, yeah, their legs bend really far back when you're putting them up above your legs, but you're not going like, all right, now, can you bend this backwards? 0.70
00:17:30.000 I just want to make it a meatball or something.
00:17:32.000 You mean you don't do stretching exercises with your chick before you begin? 0.99
00:17:35.000 No, I don't.
00:17:38.000 It's probably better than a chick with a hamstring pull, though. 0.99
00:17:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:41.000 It's like, if it was the opposite, Like, ow!
00:17:44.000 Don't pull my leg!
00:17:45.000 Ow! 1.00
00:17:46.000 It's just funny that you have those pictures up there.
00:17:49.000 That's funny to me.
00:17:51.000 See, he looks like a nice guy, right?
00:17:54.000 He looks like a regular nice guy.
00:17:58.000 But look what he's into.
00:18:00.000 Well, he just gave it a shot.
00:18:02.000 In his defense, he didn't necessarily say he was into it.
00:18:05.000 Oh, you're not into it?
00:18:06.000 No, I'm not into it.
00:18:06.000 You got a girlfriend right now?
00:18:08.000 Sure, yeah.
00:18:09.000 No.
00:18:10.000 Nothing steady.
00:18:11.000 Yeah, I have a steady and a two.
00:18:15.000 What does that even mean? 0.98
00:18:16.000 It means he's retarded. 1.00
00:18:20.000 This is called a web. 0.97
00:18:22.000 A web.
00:18:22.000 You get caught in the spider web.
00:18:24.000 The spider web of retardation. 1.00
00:18:26.000 And it sticks to you.
00:18:27.000 I'm dating.
00:18:27.000 And you're like, oh my god, I'm in this conversation and I can't get out.
00:18:30.000 What the fuck did I do? 0.98
00:18:32.000 Why did I engage him? 1.00
00:18:33.000 You're trying to pull yourself free.
00:18:34.000 Yeah, no, but I like him.
00:18:35.000 But now, you know, we're into something.
00:18:37.000 And you don't know why you're invested in this.
00:18:40.000 Yeah, but what happened?
00:18:41.000 I'm just dating.
00:18:42.000 That's, I guess, the easiest way to say it.
00:18:44.000 Dating?
00:18:44.000 Yeah.
00:18:45.000 A guy shouldn't say dating.
00:18:46.000 He's always trying to, you know...
00:18:48.000 And I like you.
00:18:49.000 You know, I'm not starting with you.
00:18:51.000 But, you know, I'm dating now.
00:18:52.000 That's what a girl says after she broke up with a guy after six months. 0.76
00:18:55.000 Well, I'm starting to date.
00:18:57.000 Yeah.
00:18:58.000 You see what I mean?
00:18:59.000 Yeah, I know.
00:19:00.000 I'm just trying not to jump right into a relationship.
00:19:02.000 You know, you're on a very cool podcast here.
00:19:04.000 You can't use expressions like that.
00:19:05.000 Yeah.
00:19:06.000 Yeah, you can't do that, man.
00:19:07.000 You know, and I like you.
00:19:08.000 We're friends already.
00:19:09.000 What am I supposed to say?
00:19:10.000 You know, I'm banging a few of them out right now.
00:19:13.000 I'm not committed.
00:19:14.000 Just to fit the show, you know what I mean?
00:19:16.000 I'm not completely committed over here.
00:19:18.000 You know, I throw a load this way.
00:19:21.000 I splooged all over this one before I came to work just for a goof.
00:19:25.000 You know what I mean?
00:19:26.000 Things like that.
00:19:27.000 It fits the show.
00:19:28.000 Brian, you've got to realize you're never going to go back to being...
00:19:30.000 You know, this is a podcast.
00:19:31.000 That's the beauty of this.
00:19:32.000 You can say what you want.
00:19:33.000 Yeah, you're never going to go back to being an accountant again.
00:19:36.000 This will never haunt you.
00:19:37.000 Was he an accountant?
00:19:38.000 No.
00:19:40.000 He used to sell computers.
00:19:42.000 He's a good guy.
00:19:43.000 He's a very good guy. 0.98
00:19:44.000 He's a mess. 0.95
00:19:47.000 He's a mess.
00:19:47.000 Well, you're with him a lot.
00:19:48.000 He's a great guy.
00:19:50.000 No doubt that he's a great guy.
00:19:52.000 A mess in a good way.
00:19:54.000 What's going on?
00:19:55.000 Out of one side of his mouth, he's saying I'm dating. 0.96
00:19:58.000 I'm pink-socking Asians. 1.00
00:20:00.000 I'm making them pee a little. 0.99
00:20:01.000 All right, but what I'm saying is, out of one side of your mouth, you're talking about dating, and on the other side, you're showing girls, you know, twisting themselves into pretzels. 0.70
00:20:11.000 But that wasn't really, like, a sexual thing.
00:20:13.000 No, no, but it can be, is what he's saying.
00:20:17.000 That's what he's saying.
00:20:19.000 What happened? 0.86
00:20:20.000 Brian, you just retarded yourself out. 1.00
00:20:22.000 Now you're caught in your own web. 0.99
00:20:23.000 Your own web has wrapped you up.
00:20:26.000 All right, we'll leave him alone.
00:20:26.000 We'll leave him alone.
00:20:27.000 In his defense, he has a very unusual dating situation.
00:20:31.000 Seems to be working out.
00:20:32.000 And he doesn't want to talk about it in the air, right?
00:20:33.000 I get that.
00:20:34.000 So what do you want to talk about then?
00:20:37.000 We want to talk about you, man.
00:20:38.000 We want to talk about comedy.
00:20:39.000 We want to talk about you.
00:20:40.000 We are.
00:20:40.000 We are.
00:20:41.000 I try not to be so crazy with myself.
00:20:45.000 I really try to stay grounded in what I do because it does feel a little crazy right now with what's going on, like you said, about a resurgence.
00:20:54.000 Well, you seem real excited about comedy again, too.
00:20:57.000 Well, you know what it is?
00:20:58.000 I've watched a lot of the specials, and when I spoke to Showtime about this, You know, I had a couple rules because, you know, I even told my director, Scott Montoya, I said, look, you know, you're gonna go through something now.
00:21:13.000 This isn't gonna be like the other specials you've done.
00:21:16.000 You're gonna, you know, your hair's gonna change color because of this.
00:21:20.000 You know, you're gonna go through it with me now.
00:21:22.000 You're gonna be a different man when you come through this.
00:21:26.000 And what was funny is, When we were going to do the special, he spoke to Joe Diaz.
00:21:34.000 He told me, he goes to Diaz, he goes, I'm thinking of doing a special with Dice.
00:21:39.000 What do you think?
00:21:39.000 And he goes, I think he's great, but you're going to go through it.
00:21:44.000 He's crazy when it comes to these things.
00:21:46.000 And I am.
00:21:47.000 Because all the way from the performance to the editing, I want it to be perfect.
00:21:53.000 I want people, like, in a capsule.
00:21:56.000 Because I really don't want to do any more specials.
00:21:58.000 Like, I'm going to do The Road now.
00:21:59.000 I'm just finishing up, you know, a deal with the Hard Rock in Vegas, a long-term deal.
00:22:05.000 And, you know, I want to do what I do on the road now.
00:22:08.000 What are you going to do at the Hard Rock?
00:22:10.000 Same thing that you were doing at The Riv?
00:22:11.000 Yeah.
00:22:11.000 Doing monthly shows?
00:22:13.000 Yeah, I'm going to do, like, two weeks at a clip and go into, uh...
00:22:17.000 What's the name?
00:22:19.000 Vinyl.
00:22:19.000 It's a rock club.
00:22:21.000 Like I said, I base my act on rock and roll, so I like a certain setting.
00:22:26.000 It's not that big of a room.
00:22:28.000 I was just there.
00:22:29.000 I was just in Vegas two weeks ago.
00:22:31.000 It's great.
00:22:32.000 The new Hard Rock is great.
00:22:33.000 I just love it.
00:22:35.000 With what I do in that hotel, it really fits.
00:22:40.000 Vegas is somewhere I like to be a lot.
00:22:44.000 You know, on the road, you know what it is.
00:22:45.000 You go into a couple thousand seats.
00:22:47.000 It's one time a year.
00:22:48.000 But Vegas, I like doing like 20 weeks, 24 weeks a year.
00:22:53.000 And, you know, me and my wife just go nuts there.
00:22:55.000 We have a great time.
00:22:56.000 And, you know, it's like a home away from home.
00:22:59.000 Right.
00:22:59.000 Why did you choose Vegas to work out your shows?
00:23:02.000 Why did you decide to do it that way and not do it in L.A.? Well, I was doing clubs around the country.
00:23:08.000 You know, so I did that.
00:23:09.000 You know, I did the, you know, like the Governors, all those clubs.
00:23:13.000 You know, but Vegas was like a steady thing.
00:23:16.000 It almost became like my comedy store.
00:23:18.000 You know, I was at the Las Vegas Hilton for a while working on it, and then we went the Riv before the Hilton, and then we went back to the Riv, because I was never into the room at the Hilton to start with, but, you know, I have a...
00:23:33.000 You know, investors in the show, and you know, we tried it.
00:23:36.000 But The Riv was a great room to really just work it out, do as long a set as I want, and really just make everything tight and develop the material with an audience that's coming to see me.
00:23:47.000 So when you have the people that are paying to come see you, You know if the material is good because that's the fans now.
00:23:54.000 When you go on places like the Comedy Store, you're going to get those people that look at you and go, what did he just say?
00:24:01.000 I want to leave now.
00:24:03.000 And I didn't want to deal with that.
00:24:05.000 I want the real audiences. 0.95
00:24:06.000 I thought that was a brilliant idea to do it at the Riv for that reason, that you would get all your people there, but also because the place has so much fucking history. 0.98
00:24:15.000 It's such a crazy hotel.
00:24:17.000 Think of the people that perform there through the, you know, from Sinatra to Sammy Davis to, you know, comics like Milton Berle and, you know, Jack Benny, you know, who personally I wasn't ever even fucking into, because, like I say, I wasn't, I was never that much into stand-ups.
00:24:33.000 But, you know, when you're on a stage that, you know, Sinatra was on, I did a lot of rooms like that in Vegas.
00:24:38.000 I did, um, before they knocked, uh, what was it?
00:24:43.000 The Stardust.
00:24:44.000 I did the Stardust for a few years.
00:24:46.000 Wow.
00:24:46.000 And that was one of the best stages because that stage, you know, you had the stage that you're on like this, and then it had, uh, what's it called?
00:24:55.000 Like a runway that went right through the entire audience. 0.76
00:24:59.000 And they don't build stages like that anymore.
00:25:03.000 So I was lucky enough to play some of those.
00:25:05.000 Bally's Hotel I did for 13 years.
00:25:07.000 Isn't it crazy with those old Vegas hotels that when they're done with them, they explode them?
00:25:12.000 It's crazy because, you know, I think, you know, I know a lot what goes on in Vegas and like these people that just bought the Sahara want to make it like more of a boutique hotel again, you know, for high rollers, not a lot of kids,
00:25:28.000 you know, not a thousand floors up, you know, a smaller place where people really feel that old school Vegas feel.
00:25:36.000 Right.
00:25:37.000 And I also think Vegas is really becoming A place for comedy, not just comedy, for live entertainment.
00:25:44.000 Because of recession, you know, when people come to Vegas, if they're going to go to a show, they want to see somebody familiar to them.
00:25:51.000 Right.
00:25:51.000 You know, so that's why a lot of comics are moving there, you know, and that's why a lot of, you know, you see people like Cher performing there.
00:25:58.000 I just saw Guns N' Roses there.
00:26:01.000 You know, it's that type of place now.
00:26:03.000 They want to see people that they're fans of.
00:26:07.000 They don't want to see just, you know, a bunch of midgets on bungee cords. 0.97
00:26:10.000 Right.
00:26:10.000 Jumping around to the Beatles music, you know.
00:26:12.000 You could probably do like a weekly show in Vegas and never have to travel anywhere and just make people travel to you.
00:26:18.000 Yeah, but I want a tour.
00:26:19.000 I want a tour.
00:26:20.000 You know, I owe it to myself.
00:26:21.000 I owe it to the fans that, you know, have been with me all these years.
00:26:26.000 I'm doing this a long time.
00:26:27.000 So I really want to do that big tour again.
00:26:31.000 And I don't know how, you know, the kind of rooms I'll do yet, but I mean, just on things that are on sale already, they're going through the roof.
00:26:39.000 You know, and the special hasn't aired, but people know it's coming.
00:26:43.000 And, you know, ever since I did Entourage, I have this whole new audience.
00:26:46.000 And I'll always get that.
00:26:48.000 Where can I see a comedy special?
00:26:50.000 You're doing a comedy special.
00:26:51.000 So I really prepared for it.
00:26:54.000 I really took it serious. 0.98
00:26:56.000 You know, when I see guys preparing for specials, but just fucking around on stage, that bothers me. 0.91
00:27:02.000 I'm like, they all want to be superstars, they all want to fill, you know, the Staples Center, but nobody's putting in the work to do that. 0.92
00:27:09.000 Yeah.
00:27:10.000 You know, and I know you're a hard worker, that's why I feel free to tell you this stuff, and I know you give...
00:27:16.000 Everything you got on stage.
00:27:18.000 I mean, you know, it's funny.
00:27:21.000 When I was coming up, you weren't around, right?
00:27:24.000 So, you know, you had myself, you had Sam Kennison who was screaming his head off, and then one night I walk into the store, And I'm like, I'm seeing, you know, just style-wise, almost a blend of Kennison and me coming through you,
00:27:40.000 but even more intense when you would scream it.
00:27:43.000 That's why I love them. 1.00
00:27:44.000 I'm going, who the fuck is this that the night I came in, you were about, you know, you were deciding in your head. 1.00
00:27:52.000 I could tell if you wanted to just smash this guy's skull in. 1.00
00:27:56.000 And I'm going, now that's funny! 0.98
00:27:58.000 You know what I mean?
00:27:59.000 Because nobody came along since, you know, like, I did an album called The Day the Laughter Died, because Rick Rubin, who produced five of my albums, you know, he did like, you know, he was the one that brought rap to the scene.
00:28:12.000 He's the one that brought the Black Crows and, you know, bands like that.
00:28:17.000 I mean, he produced, you know, Rolling Stone albums.
00:28:20.000 You know, and he said to me, you know, in the early 90s, he'd go, you're the end of comedy.
00:28:26.000 There's nowhere to go after this.
00:28:28.000 You know, and then here's this maniac on stage.
00:28:31.000 I mean, I came in the middle of your act, so I had to, like, watch to see where you were.
00:28:35.000 You know, because you were just, you know, this has got to be 15 years ago, maybe even more.
00:28:41.000 And, you know, so you were so young, and just, your face was beet red.
00:28:47.000 You know, and I'm going...
00:28:49.000 I know this guy.
00:28:51.000 I didn't know your name because I just came walking in from the front door. 0.94
00:28:54.000 I go, he's going to kill this guy in the third row.
00:28:57.000 And I don't know what over. 1.00
00:28:58.000 It's a comedy show, but that's the shit that makes me laugh. 0.99
00:29:02.000 And then one night, Eleanor, this is not even that long ago, I was destroying somebody in the original room at the Comedy Store. 0.98
00:29:12.000 And that's when you came up with, I love Dice Mean.
00:29:16.000 And she told it to me.
00:29:17.000 I go, does he really?
00:29:18.000 She goes, he just loves you and he loves when you get angry because he knows you're really getting angry.
00:29:24.000 It was one of my favorite things at the comedy store to be in the back.
00:29:27.000 We'd be in the back talking and someone would yell out in the hallway, Dice's got a heckler.
00:29:32.000 It's like he had a fish on.
00:29:34.000 You know, it's like, we got a tuna.
00:29:36.000 You know, and we would all run in in the back and just watch you just eviscerate people.
00:29:42.000 When you would get really mean with people, look at you.
00:29:45.000 Because I would really, see, I'm not fake on stage and I'm emotional.
00:29:51.000 So if I'm doing like a great bit that I know is great and in the middle of it, you know, I hear a guy yelling out, little Bo Peep!
00:29:58.000 I'm going to get angry at that person.
00:30:03.000 It's not even about heckling that person.
00:30:05.000 It's about knowing I've mentally hurt him for years to come.
00:30:10.000 But it was still with great timing and comedy skill.
00:30:14.000 It was still very funny.
00:30:16.000 Of course.
00:30:16.000 You've got to stay with it.
00:30:17.000 But it's like you really want to hurt the person mentally. 0.78
00:30:21.000 You want to crush them.
00:30:21.000 You know what I mean?
00:30:22.000 Now it's at the level where we throw people out.
00:30:24.000 Yeah.
00:30:25.000 You know, which, you know, first I'll have the heckle fight. 0.58
00:30:27.000 Well, you did that in Vegas.
00:30:29.000 You threw a guy out.
00:30:30.000 The guy in the front row.
00:30:32.000 Two minutes into the show, the guy was so drunk, he couldn't even communicate with you.
00:30:35.000 You're like, this is not going to work.
00:30:36.000 Yeah, and I can't deal with that.
00:30:38.000 It's like, why that drunk?
00:30:40.000 I had a guy, I was at Governor's a few months ago, Do you remember this, Valerie, with the blind guy? 0.96
00:30:48.000 Yeah, okay, so this guy is just drunk and he's wearing dark sunglasses.
00:30:54.000 He's looking like a dice clone, you know.
00:30:56.000 That guy's gotta be, you know, 50, you know, or in his 40s, whatever.
00:31:00.000 So I'm going back and forth with him a little bit.
00:31:03.000 You know, I figure I'll always give a person a chance.
00:31:05.000 Right.
00:31:06.000 But the guy, now I get back into the act and he starts in some more.
00:31:10.000 So, you know, you got pretty tough bounces there. 1.00
00:31:13.000 And I go, do me a favor, get rid of this fucking asshole of a human being. 1.00
00:31:17.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:31:18.000 Just throw him the fuck out. 0.99
00:31:20.000 So now after the show, Don Jameson was opening for me that night and he would sell his t-shirts at the front of the club, you know. 0.99
00:31:26.000 So he comes to the dressing room and he goes, you just missed the greatest thing I ever saw in comedy.
00:31:33.000 And I go, why?
00:31:34.000 What happened?
00:31:35.000 He goes, you know the guy you threw out?
00:31:38.000 It took, number one, four bounces. 0.97
00:31:40.000 He had, like, retarded strength. 0.99
00:31:42.000 He goes, but he was blind, you know, and he was swinging his stick at them. 0.84
00:31:47.000 He ran.
00:31:49.000 He tried to run, and he smashed right into a wall, and he turned around, and he was fighting these guys, and he was winning, you know?
00:31:58.000 You know, going, he's coming back in the room. 1.00
00:32:00.000 He's gonna kick Dice's ass. 0.99
00:32:02.000 I mean, that's what a comedy show is today. 1.00
00:32:04.000 Who's gonna kick somebody's ass? 1.00
00:32:06.000 And I'm going, how the fuck did I know he's blonde? 1.00
00:32:10.000 You know what I mean? 0.98
00:32:11.000 The guy, you know, I've had guys come to my show wearing the glasses and the fingerless gloves.
00:32:15.000 How am I going to know the guy's blind?
00:32:17.000 You know, and they're dragging him out of the room.
00:32:19.000 He was starting to fight them on the way out of the room.
00:32:22.000 You know, which is entertaining to me.
00:32:24.000 You know, this way I get to laugh a little.
00:32:27.000 You know what I mean?
00:32:28.000 You know, why should the audience always be the one to have a good laugh? 0.98
00:32:31.000 Who's going to make me fucking laugh? 0.86
00:32:33.000 You know, so when Don told me, when Don told me the story of the blind guy, I really was laughing. 0.98
00:32:37.000 It was very enjoyable.
00:32:39.000 But...
00:32:40.000 The other side of me was, I want to throw the guy out if I knew he was blind.
00:32:44.000 How do you do that? 0.98
00:32:45.000 It's like kicking a cripple out of that wheelchair. 1.00
00:32:48.000 So was he heckling?
00:32:50.000 Yeah, but it was drunk and it wasn't coherent stuff. 1.00
00:32:55.000 And I'm going, okay, asshole face. 0.99
00:32:58.000 Which is one of my newest heckle lines. 1.00
00:33:02.000 You know, if a guy's a real asshole, I'll tag him with that name and I'll keep going, asshole face. 1.00
00:33:07.000 And then I start getting angry and I go, I'm not saying you're an asshole. 1.00
00:33:13.000 I go, I know you've been called that a thousand times in your life because of the kind of person you are. 1.00
00:33:18.000 What I'm saying to you is I think you have a face that resembles a fucking asshole. 1.00
00:33:24.000 And that's what I truly think of you. 1.00
00:33:28.000 That's some shit that you wake up in the middle of the night when you go to take a leak. 1.00
00:33:31.000 No, I'll tell you what happens mentally when you text. 1.00
00:33:35.000 No, no, this is what happens with that.
00:33:37.000 See, let's say it's a guy in Vegas with his friends. 1.00
00:33:39.000 Hey, asshole face, you know. 1.00
00:33:41.000 Right. 1.00
00:33:41.000 So those friends that are with him now, these buddies of 20 years, you know, that night they're going, come on, asshole face, let's go have a drink. 1.00
00:33:50.000 And it's funny the next day even, maybe even a week later. 1.00
00:33:54.000 But three years later, when they're calling your house and the kids are picking up the phone, they're going, yeah, put asshole face on the phone. 0.99
00:34:00.000 That's when the guy's going, why did I ever say a fucking word at that show? 1.00
00:34:04.000 Because now forever, he's asshole face. 1.00
00:34:07.000 That's a multi-tiered solution. 1.00
00:34:09.000 I like how you played that out.
00:34:10.000 But I really think about that stuff.
00:34:11.000 I go, what would hurt?
00:34:13.000 In the long run.
00:34:15.000 Right. 1.00
00:34:15.000 That's like some humbling chess shit, right? 1.00
00:34:17.000 Yeah, like if you call... 1.00
00:34:18.000 I've heard you call people assholes on stage. 0.99
00:34:20.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:34:21.000 Like, hey, you're a fucking asshole. 1.00
00:34:23.000 Right. 1.00
00:34:23.000 They don't even hear it because they've been called. 1.00
00:34:25.000 But to tag them and let them know they have a face that resembles an asshole. 1.00
00:34:30.000 Even if they don't, just give them that doubt. 0.99
00:34:32.000 Well, no, you know, normally the ones I pick out have it.
00:34:34.000 You know what I mean?
00:34:35.000 I really look for a guy that has...
00:34:37.000 I don't want to give a guy a name that doesn't fit him.
00:34:40.000 Mm-hmm.
00:34:40.000 You know what I mean?
00:34:41.000 So, he sort of has to have a face that resembles...
00:34:45.000 That's Heckler Herpes, is what that's called. 0.99
00:34:47.000 Yeah, it just keeps coming back to fucking haunt you. 0.99
00:34:51.000 Because that's the fan. 0.99
00:34:52.000 I don't...
00:34:53.000 That was another time...
00:34:55.000 You know, Max was with me, and... 0.95
00:34:59.000 This, you know, this guy was fucking with Eleanor on stage and his girlfriend, I think, or his wife. 1.00
00:35:05.000 So, I come on stage and the minute he opened his mouth, I'm like, throw this motherfucker out. 1.00
00:35:10.000 Oh no, I wasn't on stage! 1.00
00:35:12.000 And what happened was, I start yelling at the, uh... 0.99
00:35:16.000 You know, the promoters of the show, I go, get that fucking guy out of the room. 0.99
00:35:19.000 If he's bad with her, he's not even going to let me get started. 0.98
00:35:23.000 But it wasn't good enough for me that they threw him out.
00:35:26.000 I come out the back door, I'm going to fight the guy.
00:35:29.000 All the shows going on?
00:35:30.000 Well, Eleanor's still on stage, you know, so I figured there's a little time.
00:35:34.000 You know, and my wife was yelling... 1.00
00:35:38.000 Is that your phone?
00:35:39.000 Is it my phone? 0.99
00:35:40.000 What the fuck with these things? 0.99
00:35:42.000 I don't know how they work. 0.99
00:35:43.000 Unfortunately, I think you've also told that story before.
00:35:46.000 It's Happy Face.
00:35:46.000 Oh, it's Happy Face?
00:35:47.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:35:48.000 And, uh, wait, let me check this.
00:35:50.000 Who's Happy Face?
00:35:52.000 He's with me for like 25 years already.
00:35:55.000 He does security for me.
00:35:57.000 He's into what you're into.
00:35:59.000 You know, he's got martial arts schools on the East Coast.
00:36:04.000 And his name's Happy Face?
00:36:05.000 Well, his name's Mike Melandra, you know, but it's Happy Face.
00:36:10.000 Everybody calls him Happy Face?
00:36:11.000 Yeah.
00:36:11.000 Yeah.
00:36:12.000 And, you know, because he'll always try to smile at a guy when he's throwing him out.
00:36:16.000 And, you know, he's a pretty deadly guy.
00:36:19.000 And that's what I love about him being Happy Face.
00:36:22.000 That's a great name.
00:36:23.000 Well, he got his job with me. 0.99
00:36:25.000 I fucking love that name. 1.00
00:36:27.000 Happy Face is a great fucking name. 1.00
00:36:29.000 And that's a Happy West also. 1.00
00:36:31.000 Happy West is not as good. 0.99
00:36:32.000 Happy West got fucked. 1.00
00:36:34.000 Happy Face came first. 0.99
00:36:35.000 Well, Happy Face is with me like 25 years.
00:36:37.000 And the way he got his job was I would work out in a gym, a Gold's gym in Jersey.
00:36:44.000 And we would just start talking and then we would work out a little together.
00:36:50.000 Happy Face is about 5'7", but he's not that big.
00:36:56.000 But he would talk about his martial arts school, how his father taught him.
00:37:00.000 They both had the school.
00:37:02.000 A father like son, he followed in his footsteps.
00:37:07.000 So he's standing between the two owners of the gym, which were animals.
00:37:11.000 These guys were the type that benched 350, 100 times.
00:37:16.000 They were big guys.
00:37:18.000 So I said, Happy Face, I go, you know, with my shows, I don't like, you know, we were talking about him, like, working for me, because I had Club Soda Kenny, who's like 6'5", big, you know.
00:37:28.000 And I said, so I looked at Happy Face like he's the sniper.
00:37:32.000 You know, they'd never see him coming.
00:37:34.000 I go, but we don't like to hurt anybody.
00:37:36.000 I go, so what I'm going to do, I'm going to try to get past you, and you've got to stop me without hurting me.
00:37:43.000 And this guy put me down. 0.99
00:37:45.000 My ass didn't even touch the ground. 1.00
00:37:47.000 That's how fast he moved. 1.00
00:37:48.000 But at first he's going, I don't want to touch you.
00:37:51.000 He goes, I came to the Meadowlands to see you.
00:37:55.000 He goes, I can't.
00:37:56.000 I go, well, that's the A. You can't hurt me.
00:37:58.000 That's it.
00:37:59.000 And he did this move on me that just put me right down.
00:38:03.000 See, the problem is he can always hurt you.
00:38:04.000 If you're resisting, you get hurt just scrambling.
00:38:07.000 That's right.
00:38:08.000 But he put me down, and that night he was working for me.
00:38:11.000 And that was the beginning of Happy Face.
00:38:15.000 That's a nice name.
00:38:15.000 I like it.
00:38:16.000 Yeah, and I love his temper when he gets mad.
00:38:19.000 It's a lot of fun to make him get angry.
00:38:21.000 You know, it's funny talking about, like...
00:38:23.000 Because he didn't like the name Mike the Murderer, so that's why it went to Happy Face.
00:38:26.000 That was his first name?
00:38:27.000 Well, yeah, he starts screaming about that.
00:38:29.000 Don't call me that!
00:38:30.000 You know, it's a touchy situation, you know?
00:38:33.000 You know what I'm going?
00:38:34.000 It's just a name.
00:38:34.000 He goes, but don't call me that!
00:38:36.000 You know?
00:38:37.000 Yeah, people don't want to be called murderers.
00:38:39.000 No, but he's Happy Face for 25 years, so he's happy about...
00:38:43.000 That's why he's calling me.
00:38:44.000 The Comedy Store was always the worst place in the world for heckling because there was no crowd control whatsoever.
00:38:50.000 Nothing.
00:38:50.000 Nothing.
00:38:51.000 You would think, like, when I lived in Boston and we were at Stitches, Stitches is when, that's where I did my first open mic, and I had been really inspired by you, really inspired by Kennison and a few other guys, and I was really,
00:39:07.000 like, looking forward to doing some, you know, trying to do some stand-up comedy.
00:39:12.000 And...
00:39:14.000 You think back then, like, what the face of comedy was like and what it's like now.
00:39:21.000 Yeah, see, it's all, like, blank to me right now.
00:39:25.000 And I'm not pissing on it, but I don't find...
00:39:28.000 You know, I'll flip around the channels to see if somebody's on, start watching for a few minutes.
00:39:33.000 But like I say, these guys don't put a lot into their...
00:39:37.000 There's nobody developing a persona.
00:39:42.000 You might not realize it, but you have a persona.
00:39:44.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:45.000 People come to see Joe Rogan, they know what they're getting.
00:39:48.000 But there aren't too many guys.
00:39:50.000 It's almost like white bread.
00:39:53.000 There's no persona up there.
00:39:55.000 So even if the material's decent...
00:39:58.000 You know, a lot of material's been done.
00:40:00.000 A lot of guys cover the same subjects. 0.89
00:40:02.000 I'd rather see a guy that's more entertaining than I could go, do you fucking believe what he's doing up there? 0.76
00:40:07.000 Right. 0.62
00:40:08.000 That's the kind of act I like to see.
00:40:10.000 When we were in Boston and we were starting out and we were like looking at the face of comedy, the comedy store was always Mecca.
00:40:16.000 That was always like that fucking place where you'd make the pilgrimage and everybody would go see the stage where you performed, Kinnison performed, Richard Pryor and Letterman. 0.91
00:40:26.000 Everybody. 0.99
00:40:27.000 But when I got there, I forget who was on stage.
00:40:32.000 It was some road hack.
00:40:34.000 The place was half full. 0.99
00:40:36.000 And some guy's yelling out shit in the back of the room. 0.99
00:40:39.000 And no one's kicking him out. 0.99
00:40:40.000 Nobody.
00:40:41.000 And this was like my first experience at the comic store.
00:40:44.000 Because the bodyguards are there.
00:40:45.000 The doormen are comics.
00:40:47.000 Nobody wants to get into it.
00:40:48.000 Only Harris Pete.
00:40:49.000 Harris Pete would get down.
00:40:50.000 Harris Pete would get down.
00:40:52.000 He would throw dudes out.
00:40:52.000 I once saw Tony Danza knock him out.
00:40:55.000 Oh, really?
00:40:56.000 Yeah, because you know how condescending Harris could be.
00:40:58.000 Tony Danza was a very good boxer.
00:41:00.000 And Tony Danza just wanted to come in.
00:41:02.000 Nice as could be. 0.99
00:41:03.000 I don't know if you know him, but he's just this friendly guy that could kick ass. 0.98
00:41:09.000 And Harris gave him a hard time, and he put his hands on him. 0.98
00:41:13.000 Like, you can't just walk in.
00:41:14.000 And he just gave him one shot, and he went flying down the stairs.
00:41:18.000 Really funny.
00:41:20.000 Really enjoyable.
00:41:21.000 Harris is such an angry guy.
00:41:23.000 For whatever reason, he's such an angry guy.
00:41:25.000 It took me years to get even the tiniest compliment from that guy.
00:41:30.000 Yeah, that's the name I haven't thought of.
00:41:33.000 I couldn't believe he worked there.
00:41:34.000 Yeah, he just left the world.
00:41:36.000 He just got on his motorcycle.
00:41:38.000 But I do have to say, when the guy gave you props, it meant something.
00:41:42.000 Yeah, for some reason it did.
00:41:44.000 Yeah, it meant something.
00:41:45.000 But why?
00:41:46.000 Well, it would like him to be a little bit more fair with them, you know, with his props.
00:41:51.000 No, but I'm saying what, you know, it's like getting a compliment from him was like getting one from Mitzi for some reason.
00:41:56.000 Yeah, it was close.
00:41:57.000 But you know what it is?
00:41:57.000 Because he was always there and he saw everybody perform.
00:42:00.000 That's true, too.
00:42:01.000 He knew whether or not to be impressed with you or whether or not you were just bullshitting the crowd.
00:42:05.000 But he was also just negative.
00:42:07.000 But also the comedy store, why I think, you know, somebody like you would like it and myself, that was the bad boy comedy club.
00:42:14.000 Yeah.
00:42:14.000 It still is.
00:42:15.000 You know, like you say, it's a free-for-all.
00:42:18.000 You go over to the improv, which is a great club, but everything is run.
00:42:22.000 Like, at the comedy store, nobody even knows who's running things anymore.
00:42:26.000 It's madness.
00:42:26.000 And it was more madness then than it is now.
00:42:29.000 It really was.
00:42:29.000 I think it's probably way better managed now than it was back in the early days.
00:42:33.000 But, man.
00:42:34.000 It was insane.
00:42:35.000 But when I came along, you know, it was 94. That's when I first started performing there.
00:42:40.000 And I just...
00:42:41.000 I was blown away.
00:42:42.000 But it was like, the place was like crackling.
00:42:45.000 It's like the magic of all those sets was like in the walls.
00:42:48.000 And with the store, you ever notice you could go there some nights, you know, those Sunday, Monday nights, and it's as fun as could be and crazy.
00:42:55.000 And then there were certain nights when you come there like that, and just the vibe is bad.
00:43:01.000 Just the wrong combination of people.
00:43:04.000 Just like that you go, you know what, I'm getting out of here. 0.99
00:43:09.000 It's just that bad fucking vibe. 0.99
00:43:12.000 And then just other nights, just insane great. 0.99
00:43:15.000 Yeah, it's an amazing club.
00:43:17.000 You know, just the history.
00:43:19.000 Yeah, I still love it.
00:43:20.000 I still love going there.
00:43:21.000 I still love going on the stage.
00:43:23.000 Yeah, I can't go back because of the falling out that I had with them.
00:43:26.000 Oh, I didn't know about that.
00:43:27.000 The Mencia issue.
00:43:28.000 You didn't know about that?
00:43:29.000 Oh, but you're not allowed back because of that?
00:43:31.000 I never went back.
00:43:31.000 I never would go back.
00:43:33.000 When they banned me for that, I'm like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. 0.99
00:43:36.000 Yeah, but if you weren't banned, then you wouldn't be a comedy store member. 0.99
00:43:39.000 I got banned before that.
00:43:40.000 Mitzi banned me once for my J. Howard Marshall joke. 0.97
00:43:45.000 I had this joke about the old dude that fucked in Nicole Smith. 1.00
00:43:51.000 It was one of my favorite jokes. 0.98
00:43:53.000 It was a great joke.
00:43:54.000 She hated it.
00:43:55.000 It was just about, you know, that everyone was saying, oh, it's so sad to watch this poor old man, you know, and, like, he's getting robbed and this woman's just here for his money.
00:44:06.000 And I'm like, don't you think he knows?
00:44:07.000 The guy was 90 years old.
00:44:09.000 He made a billion dollars from scratch.
00:44:12.000 You know, chances are he's a tad crafty.
00:44:13.000 Like, how do you want him to die?
00:44:14.000 And then it was this whole death scenario, like, on desperate.
00:44:17.000 And then you go off on it. 1.00
00:44:18.000 Making her do a bunch of dirty shit. 0.99
00:44:19.000 I loved the bit, but it was about old people. 1.00
00:44:22.000 She did not like it.
00:44:23.000 I think she banned me once for that.
00:44:25.000 She banned me once or something else, too.
00:44:27.000 Yeah, I've been banned from there.
00:44:29.000 My kids were even banned from there.
00:44:31.000 I had a thing with Paulie years ago.
00:44:33.000 Like, when I first broke up with my wife, you know, I'd always bring my kids to the comedy store at night.
00:44:39.000 And, you know, Eleanor would hang with them, you know.
00:44:42.000 So, one night, you know, I mean, Dylan, who's now 18, you know, was only 11, you know.
00:44:48.000 And, you know, I'm seeing Paulie in the comedy store.
00:44:51.000 Paulie had a hamburger joint.
00:44:53.000 When he was 12 years old at the Westwood Comedy Store.
00:44:56.000 So I know Paulie growing up, since he's that age. 0.99
00:44:59.000 So he goes, how many times, I gotta tell you, don't bring your fucking kid in here? 0.99
00:45:04.000 You know, and I was like... 1.00
00:45:05.000 Paulie said that?
00:45:06.000 Like that?
00:45:07.000 But he was standing there, my kid was there, so I go, Dylan, I forgot, I think he was with Steve Simone, I go, Steve, take him outside.
00:45:13.000 You know, I go, you know, like I was gonna have to hurt him at that moment.
00:45:17.000 You know, but I didn't, you know, but I got in his, I didn't get physical, you know, you can't do that stuff.
00:45:23.000 But Paulie told his mother that I threw a glass at him.
00:45:27.000 So she banned me and the kids. 1.00
00:45:30.000 You know, my kids were banned at 11 and 15 from the comedy, which is so great.
00:45:35.000 And my son, Max, loved it because he understood it.
00:45:38.000 He was old enough to understand it.
00:45:39.000 And then one night Mitzi comes in and Eleanor's sitting with her and saying, no, no, that's not what happened.
00:45:46.000 I was right in the kitchen when it happened.
00:45:48.000 He didn't throw a glass at Paulie.
00:45:49.000 She goes, if anything, he would have caved his skull in.
00:45:52.000 You know, he just threw the glass in the garbage on his way out.
00:45:56.000 And she, you know, her voice, she's like, well, I knew that Andrew wouldn't do something like that.
00:46:01.000 You know, he wouldn't go to that level.
00:46:02.000 Yeah, you wouldn't throw a glass.
00:46:03.000 No, I would never.
00:46:04.000 I would never.
00:46:05.000 You know, that's not what I'd do.
00:46:07.000 I could see you hitting somebody.
00:46:08.000 Yeah, well, you know, but I can't hit somebody unless they, you know, try to hurt me.
00:46:13.000 You know, it was more like I just laid into them for it.
00:46:15.000 And on the way out of the kitchen, the back door, I threw my glass and it broke on the wall, you know, near the garbage can there.
00:46:22.000 But Paulie was out in the hallway.
00:46:25.000 He was nowhere near it.
00:46:26.000 But it was, you know, we made up.
00:46:27.000 Of course, we're friends today.
00:46:29.000 And, you know, we laugh about all the nonsense. 0.86
00:46:31.000 But, you know, it's just a crazy place.
00:46:34.000 I mean, sometimes to end the show, you would have loved this.
00:46:36.000 You weren't even out there yet.
00:46:38.000 This is like, I'm talking like 86, 87. So me and Kennison would be the last acts of the night every night.
00:46:45.000 She'd put us on back to back.
00:46:47.000 And it was either he went on first or I went on first.
00:46:50.000 And, like, to end the show sometimes, if he'd go on first, you know, I'd be on stage, and, you know, once he'd get bored with it, he'd throw a chair at me on stage, and then the whole fight would happen on the stage where Carl LeBeau would jump, and you would just see who's ever in the audience,
00:47:06.000 because the audience is tourists.
00:47:08.000 They don't know what's going on.
00:47:09.000 They don't know, you know, I'm falling over the front tables, knocking people over, and people are just running out of the place. 0.99
00:47:16.000 Like, what the fuck is this? 0.96
00:47:18.000 Like, all hell breaks loose. 0.99
00:47:20.000 There were so many great fake fights at the Comedy Store, because that's the one thing comics love to do.
00:47:26.000 We love being children.
00:47:27.000 Don Barris. 1.00
00:47:28.000 Don Barris is like the king of that shit. 1.00
00:47:30.000 I was talking to him last night about you. 1.00
00:47:32.000 He loves you to death.
00:47:33.000 And he's like, you should bring up how he used to, did he used to go on the road with you?
00:47:38.000 Oh, I would have Don, I would put Don in, whatever I was in, I would put him in.
00:47:44.000 Like we wound up doing this crazy Frank Stallone movie in Ixtapa, you know, Mexico, and we were stuck there for like five weeks.
00:47:54.000 And of course I made Don do like Alfred Hitchcock in the movie.
00:47:59.000 There was no call for Alfred Hitchcock, but I talked the producers into it.
00:48:03.000 You know?
00:48:04.000 And that's where he actually hurt his foot.
00:48:07.000 You know how he's got like a bad foot?
00:48:09.000 Yeah.
00:48:10.000 He hurt his foot?
00:48:10.000 Well, what happened with Don, he always wants to fight me.
00:48:14.000 You know, so...
00:48:16.000 So one day, you know, he starts in with me on the set, and it's all these Mexican crew members that don't even understand English. 0.94
00:48:24.000 And he puts his foot, like, there was a hole in the ground.
00:48:27.000 And he wouldn't go to the hospital after to fix it.
00:48:30.000 You know, so to this day, like, he just moves the wrong way, and he's crippled.
00:48:35.000 You know, he just falls down.
00:48:37.000 And it was funny, what happened was, I went back to Madison Square Garden in 2000. And it was Don's job at the time to come there, because he really wanted to see it, with my wife and my sons.
00:48:51.000 So, he was the problem on the plane.
00:48:54.000 Because what happened was, he's walking down an aisle, and the foot goes.
00:48:59.000 And he's, you know, Don's emotional, you know.
00:49:01.000 So he's screaming, laying on the floor on the plane, and scaring, scaring the entire flight!
00:49:09.000 You know, and then they get him into a chair, and the foot felt better.
00:49:13.000 You know, the cops were at the airport to question him.
00:49:17.000 And I go, your job was to just bring them here.
00:49:21.000 That was the gift.
00:49:22.000 You get to fly for nothing and get a hotel room. 1.00
00:49:25.000 Bring them in and you cause a problem on the fucking airline. 1.00
00:49:29.000 But that's Don. 1.00
00:49:30.000 You know, that's who he is.
00:49:32.000 Do you think he was just practical joking with you?
00:49:34.000 No. 0.99
00:49:34.000 He does that shit all the time where he's like laying at norms. 0.99
00:49:37.000 No, no. 1.00
00:49:39.000 No, it really goes.
00:49:40.000 His foot really goes.
00:49:42.000 Is it a broken foot?
00:49:43.000 Is it a ligament?
00:49:44.000 I'm sure he, like, chipped something in his ankle, and he just wouldn't go to the house.
00:49:49.000 He goes, what are they going to do to me here?
00:49:50.000 You know, he turns into this baby.
00:49:52.000 Oh, no.
00:49:53.000 Oh, yeah, and he would do the road with me, you know, and I had...
00:49:57.000 When he would do the road with...
00:49:58.000 I would just take him with me.
00:50:00.000 When he would do the road, I had a...
00:50:02.000 At that time I had Eddie Griffin with me.
00:50:05.000 Yeah, so Eddie Griffin was like the real opener.
00:50:09.000 So what would happen is I'd give Don 10 minutes right up front.
00:50:13.000 So we'd be on a big tour bus traveling the country.
00:50:18.000 And one time he's on the bus and he's like, you know how he gets down on himself?
00:50:22.000 You know, like, almost like that, he's not crying with tears, but I'm going, well, Don, it's because the crowd doesn't respond the way he wants, you know?
00:50:32.000 Right.
00:50:32.000 Because he would come out singing, uh, Tire Yellow Ribbon, you know, you know, with the, with the music over it and get the crowd clapping and, So now the song ends, and then he goes into another one.
00:50:44.000 He'll go into like Copacabana.
00:50:46.000 So now he's on the bus complaining about...
00:50:48.000 I go, Don, it's your ten minutes. 1.00
00:50:51.000 After they get the joke of who you are, that you're this fucking goofball, well now where are the jokes? 0.99
00:50:58.000 You know, and he would go, well, you know, I went into the other song. 0.99
00:51:01.000 I go, they don't want to hear another.
00:51:02.000 You already did the bit.
00:51:03.000 You had them clap.
00:51:05.000 Now they've got to clap to Barry Manilow singing, you know, Copacabana. 1.00
00:51:09.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99
00:51:11.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:51:12.000 Nobody gives a fuck. 0.98
00:51:13.000 You create the character. 1.00
00:51:14.000 You're this fucking big goofball. 1.00
00:51:16.000 Now give them jokes. 1.00
00:51:18.000 You know, but we had a lot of fun.
00:51:20.000 And then there would be another rumble on the bus.
00:51:23.000 Now it's him jumping on me and trying to kill me on the bus.
00:51:27.000 Yeah, his life is constant theater with that guy.
00:51:30.000 Constant theater.
00:51:31.000 That's who I hang out with every single day from midnight to about 4 a.m.
00:51:35.000 Really?
00:51:36.000 John Barrett?
00:51:37.000 That's fine.
00:51:38.000 And you know, it was hysterical with the movie we did in Xtapa.
00:51:42.000 They wanted me to stay and film for longer than I wanted to be there.
00:51:48.000 And I'm going, I got to get out of here.
00:51:49.000 I got gigs I got to do.
00:51:50.000 So they promised me a lot of money in cash.
00:51:57.000 And Don, through the whole shoot, is going, they're never giving it to you.
00:52:01.000 You got to get it now.
00:52:02.000 I go, Don, they're going to pay me.
00:52:03.000 We made a deal.
00:52:04.000 That's it.
00:52:08.000 It was a crazy set.
00:52:10.000 I never went through anything like this in a film, ever.
00:52:14.000 What went on in those five weeks.
00:52:18.000 Through the five weeks, I've got to hear how they're not going to pay me.
00:52:21.000 He's just on me.
00:52:22.000 Of course, they give me the money and Don had to tape it up.
00:52:26.000 You know, all over my body, like that movie Midnight Express.
00:52:29.000 Did you really?
00:52:30.000 Yeah, because, you know, it was a part of Mexico that we actually thought that the director was going to have me stopped at the airport.
00:52:39.000 You know, so, you know, we're thinking, all right, how am I getting, because you're not allowed more than, like, $10,000 in cash, and this was a lot of money.
00:52:47.000 You know, so he was taping it with this, like, paper tape to my chest, to my thighs, you know, that when I got home, And when we're going through the airport, I'm going, they're going to stop me.
00:52:59.000 I'm going to be in jail, and whoever stops me is going to be rich.
00:53:03.000 It's that simple.
00:53:04.000 But they didn't stop us, and now I get home, and I take off my shirt, and my wife sees all this money taped to my chest, and she's going, What is that?
00:53:15.000 And I'm going, no, they paid me.
00:53:18.000 That's how they pay you in Mexico.
00:53:22.000 But Dom was just so sure they're not paying me for the money.
00:53:25.000 It was just crazy.
00:53:27.000 I wouldn't eat.
00:53:28.000 We only had one meal a day because everybody on the set was getting sick.
00:53:32.000 Everybody was going to the hospital.
00:53:34.000 And all we had every day was we went to the same restaurant about 4 o'clock every day.
00:53:40.000 We had pasta with sauce.
00:53:43.000 Garlic bread and coca-cola with purified ice and we wouldn't eat till the next day at the same time because we figured we'd make it the middle of the day because we're only getting that one meal.
00:53:53.000 We're not eating any of the food there.
00:53:55.000 Wow.
00:53:56.000 Yeah, and he lost like 30 pounds.
00:54:00.000 He's going, I gotta eat something.
00:54:02.000 You know, he's going, this is ridiculous that we're not eating food, you know.
00:54:07.000 But everybody's falling at the wayside.
00:54:09.000 What are we going to do?
00:54:10.000 This is survival, my friend. 0.99
00:54:12.000 Those B-movie sets can be very fucking sketchy. 0.96
00:54:15.000 And it was for a long time. 0.98
00:54:17.000 It was five weeks of the same food.
00:54:21.000 In Mexico.
00:54:22.000 I could do that.
00:54:23.000 I could eat the same thing every single day.
00:54:26.000 But you want it like twice a day, but the restaurant would close like nine at night.
00:54:30.000 So we'd have to wait until the next day at four o'clock to have the next meal.
00:54:34.000 Wow.
00:54:35.000 So it was just bottled water, you know, and that was it.
00:54:38.000 Bottled water and pasta once a day.
00:54:41.000 What's the name of this movie?
00:54:42.000 It was called The Good Life.
00:54:44.000 It never came out.
00:54:45.000 Ah, man.
00:54:45.000 You know, and I always talk to Frank Stallone.
00:54:47.000 He always says he should release, like, pieces of it on the Internet.
00:54:50.000 Yeah.
00:54:51.000 It was the craziest thing, you know.
00:54:55.000 I wanted it to be a comedy.
00:54:56.000 Frank Stallone wanted it to be a drama.
00:55:00.000 Because I would tell the producers, I'd go, it's really a funny movie.
00:55:06.000 And comedy sells.
00:55:08.000 So when Frank would do a scene, he'd come over to the director and go, how was that?
00:55:14.000 And he goes, well, it was very dramatic.
00:55:18.000 And he's going, well, it's supposed to be a drama.
00:55:20.000 And he goes, well, I think it should be funnier. 1.00
00:55:22.000 And he goes, but the movie's a fucking drama! 0.99
00:55:25.000 Like, so he was flipping out. 0.99
00:55:27.000 We had a big fight over that movie.
00:55:29.000 But the producers now want it to just be like a comedy.
00:55:32.000 Dennis Hopper's in it.
00:55:34.000 It was supposed to be, you know what it was supposed to be?
00:55:36.000 It was supposed to be Goodfellas on a golf course.
00:55:39.000 So Dennis Hopper, you...
00:55:41.000 Dennis Hopper was in it.
00:55:42.000 But it was filmed really big.
00:55:44.000 Can you find it anywhere?
00:55:45.000 Is it online?
00:55:46.000 No.
00:55:46.000 It's on IMDB, but it doesn't...
00:55:48.000 Yeah, it's not online.
00:55:49.000 But no one put it online?
00:55:51.000 But also...
00:55:52.000 David Carradine was in it, too?
00:55:53.000 Yeah.
00:55:53.000 A lot of people were in it.
00:55:55.000 Beverly D'Angelo.
00:55:56.000 Sylvester Stallone is in it.
00:55:57.000 Yeah.
00:55:58.000 That's hilarious.
00:55:59.000 They never made it? 1.00
00:56:00.000 You should just sell that shit to Netflix or something like that. 1.00
00:56:03.000 You'll make... 1.00
00:56:03.000 Well, it's not my movie to sell, but... 1.00
00:56:06.000 You know, it just wound up, the whole time in Ixtaple was drama.
00:56:11.000 You know, but the movie's hysterical, you know.
00:56:14.000 Yeah, those B-movie sets.
00:56:16.000 I've only been on one, I've been on, well, two B-movie sets.
00:56:19.000 But you know what happened?
00:56:20.000 We had a good director at the beginning, and then the producer, who was an attorney, fired the director, and he decided to direct.
00:56:30.000 Oh, no.
00:56:31.000 So now what happens is, this is where it starts going a little crazy.
00:56:35.000 And I can't play golf. 1.00
00:56:37.000 I hate fucking golf. 0.99
00:56:38.000 I don't have patience to hit one little ball across the park, whatever. 1.00
00:56:44.000 So I wasn't really good at playing the golf, so we would make it that they make fun of me.
00:56:49.000 But I had some golf material at the time where I talked about hating golf.
00:56:55.000 So this new director makes me do some of that material on the master shot on a crane.
00:57:02.000 So he goes, I want you to do that monologue every time.
00:57:06.000 And I go, no, but I'm not doing that monologue every time.
00:57:09.000 I did it for you because you asked me to do it in the master shot just so you hear some talking.
00:57:14.000 And he goes, no, I want you to do it.
00:57:16.000 I go, that's my material for my act.
00:57:17.000 I don't want to do it.
00:57:19.000 You know, you're not paying me for it, are you?
00:57:21.000 Right.
00:57:21.000 And he goes, you'll do what I say.
00:57:23.000 I go, I'm not going to do a fucking thing you say. 0.98
00:57:25.000 I go, and don't ever tell me what to do again, ever, in front of the camera, which Don Barris is falling down laughing as he's making our little documentary movie with my camera, because I was always filming. 0.99
00:57:37.000 Did he literally say, you'll do as I say?
00:57:39.000 Yeah.
00:57:39.000 Whoever listens to that.
00:57:41.000 And he says, if you don't like it, you could leave.
00:57:44.000 So I said, okay, I'll leave.
00:57:45.000 I go, Don, let's go.
00:57:46.000 And I had clips over to Kenny there.
00:57:47.000 I go, let's leave.
00:57:48.000 He goes, well, my attorneys will be in time. 1.00
00:57:50.000 I go, asshole, you told me to leave the set. 0.99
00:57:53.000 You don't want me in the movie if I don't want to do my own material. 0.99
00:57:56.000 And I don't want to do it. 0.97
00:57:57.000 So don't fucking tell me what to do and I'll stay. 0.98
00:58:00.000 And that's it. 0.99
00:58:01.000 You know?
00:58:02.000 And what Don loved...
00:58:04.000 No matter what the guy did for his main profession, he goes, you're telling your director, the guy that's supposed to tell you what to do, Don't ever tell me what to do again.
00:58:16.000 But that's his only job right now, is telling you what to do.
00:58:20.000 I go, yeah, but you heard what went down, you know, and he agreed with it.
00:58:24.000 And then I decided to direct part of the special.
00:58:27.000 Not the special, the movie.
00:58:29.000 And, of course, I come to the set one day and it's like 110 degrees.
00:58:33.000 And this guy, you know, the guy directing was, you know, he had a funny character.
00:58:38.000 He was very low-key, where the...
00:58:40.000 The sombrero, because it was Mexico and it was always hot.
00:58:44.000 And I go, what are we doing today?
00:58:46.000 And he goes, I don't know.
00:58:49.000 And I go, do you want me to set the shot up?
00:58:53.000 And he goes, would you please?
00:58:55.000 This is the director now!
00:58:57.000 Oh, he just tapped out.
00:58:59.000 Yeah, he goes, I just want to finish the movie and go home.
00:59:02.000 And that's how he would talk.
00:59:03.000 That's like an impression of the guy.
00:59:05.000 So now I'm directing the movie, and there was a scene I directed.
00:59:11.000 This was great, because I was a little at war with Frank Stallone at the time on the set.
00:59:16.000 So I was shooting a scene that I needed Don Barris for, and now I decided Club Soda Kenny will be in the movie also.
00:59:25.000 So Frank is shooting a scene where he's playing a guitar in his underwear, talking to some girl he was with in bed the night before.
00:59:35.000 So I come in there and I take the sound guys.
00:59:38.000 I'm like, come with me.
00:59:39.000 Just come with me.
00:59:41.000 So now I get the sound guys.
00:59:43.000 So he winds up shooting this whole scene that he's doing and he doesn't know he doesn't have sound. 0.99
00:59:48.000 And all of a sudden, coming from this house, you hear him screaming, he took the fucking sound guys! 0.99
00:59:55.000 You made me do all these takes and we don't even have fucking sound! 0.99
00:59:59.000 And the director's going, well, Dice is directing a scene right now. 0.99
01:00:05.000 And he goes, why the fuck is he directing anything? 0.96
01:00:08.000 It's not his movie to direct. 0.98
01:00:11.000 And then we crashed the golf carts, which I got in trouble for.
01:00:16.000 I played chicken.
01:00:17.000 You know Peter Dobson?
01:00:18.000 He's an actor?
01:00:19.000 No.
01:00:20.000 He's been in a lot of stuff.
01:00:22.000 Anyway, so me and Dobson were good friends and decided to play chicken with the golf carts.
01:00:28.000 And I turn at the last second, and my golf cart gets completely destroyed, and Frank goes flying out of it, because he's with me going, what are you doing, as we're going towards each other?
01:00:39.000 And I'm going, just stick with me on this.
01:00:41.000 He goes, I don't want to stick with you.
01:00:42.000 Stop driving!
01:00:43.000 You know, but we wouldn't stop driving.
01:00:45.000 And I turn, and they smash in my...
01:00:47.000 So now I'm not allowed to be in the golf cart.
01:00:49.000 So you're playing chicken?
01:00:50.000 Yeah, chicken, to see who turns first.
01:00:52.000 Yeah.
01:00:53.000 And then we're having sword fights with the golf clubs.
01:00:56.000 I mean, it was ridiculous what was going on.
01:00:59.000 You know, Beverly D'Angelo's in the movie. 1.00
01:01:02.000 Frank Pesce's in the movie.
01:01:03.000 What was your war with Frank Stallone?
01:01:05.000 What was that about?
01:01:06.000 Well, just that I believed the movie should be a comedy.
01:01:08.000 Oh, okay, that.
01:01:09.000 You know, so I started doing, like, an impression of him on screen.
01:01:13.000 Because I could do him really well, the way he stands.
01:01:16.000 And, you know, so now he sees the final cut and he goes, what are you doing behind me?
01:01:22.000 You know, I go, an impression of you.
01:01:25.000 He goes, you're not supposed to be doing an impression of me.
01:01:27.000 I'm the leader of the gang.
01:01:29.000 I go, but it's funny.
01:01:31.000 And he goes, but the movie's not funny.
01:01:33.000 You know, and of course we all made up after the movie never came out.
01:01:39.000 You make up with everybody.
01:01:40.000 You make up with Paulie, you made up with that guy.
01:01:42.000 Yeah, because it's more fun to have your friends.
01:01:44.000 And then laugh about it.
01:01:46.000 You and Dom Herrera ever going to make up?
01:01:48.000 You know what?
01:01:49.000 It's not that I'm even, like, mad at a guy like Irara. 1.00
01:01:52.000 You know, he's just stupid. 1.00
01:01:54.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
01:01:56.000 You know, I really don't...
01:01:57.000 I like both of you.
01:01:58.000 I really do.
01:01:59.000 I wish you guys would work that out.
01:02:01.000 What?
01:02:01.000 There's nothing to work out, you know?
01:02:03.000 Just call them stupid. 1.00
01:02:04.000 I'd say you have an issue. 1.00
01:02:06.000 Well, calling somebody stupid and saying I don't like a guy are two different things. 0.95
01:02:10.000 I'll sit here and go, he's a great comic. 0.99
01:02:12.000 I think he's a great comedian.
01:02:14.000 But, you know, he's just too bitter for me.
01:02:16.000 You know what I mean?
01:02:17.000 You know, he...
01:02:18.000 Well, you and him have always had, like, this antagonizing...
01:02:21.000 No, he always had it.
01:02:22.000 He always had it with you.
01:02:23.000 You know, he used to...
01:02:24.000 You know, I came into Philly years ago, and, you know, I would headline the Comedy Factory outlet.
01:02:30.000 You know, so they would have him open the shows...
01:02:33.000 You know, and he would look at my character like Italian rather than just a Brooklyn guy.
01:02:38.000 And, you know, my real name's Andrew Clay Silverstein and I went to Andrew Dice Clay.
01:02:43.000 You know, so we won the same Rodney special. 0.56
01:02:47.000 You know, and he just got fucking jealous that my career went through the roof.
01:02:52.000 And, you know, and he didn't. 0.52
01:02:54.000 You know, and the funny thing about that was, I might have even talked about this on your show, that he would have been the perfect guy, you know, when I was doing the arenas, you know, to open those shows.
01:03:06.000 You know, because people did like him on the special, but like I said, not everybody becomes a megastar.
01:03:10.000 It just doesn't happen. 0.98
01:03:12.000 Not everybody becomes the fucking Beatles. 0.98
01:03:14.000 I'm sorry. 0.97
01:03:15.000 You know, but he's a great comic, and because he had, you know, he started going on radio shows and saying my real last name, and I'm like, what's the problem?
01:03:23.000 A Jew from Brooklyn can't be a tough, good-looking guy? 0.99
01:03:26.000 Is that the fucking problem? 1.00
01:03:28.000 You know, unless I'm Italian? 0.99
01:03:29.000 Well, the name Clay, where'd that come from?
01:03:33.000 Well, that's just my middle name, Andrew Clay Silverstein.
01:03:35.000 Oh.
01:03:36.000 That's what my parents gave me.
01:03:37.000 So, when you decided to just go as Dice Clay, why'd you decide to do that?
01:03:42.000 Andrew Dice Clay.
01:03:44.000 Yeah.
01:03:44.000 Why did you...
01:03:45.000 Silverstein was...
01:03:47.000 Well, you know what the original name was?
01:03:49.000 When I go on stage, this was funny.
01:03:52.000 Because my original act was like impressions.
01:03:55.000 I'll just put it to you that way.
01:03:56.000 You know, doing Travolta and Stallone and Jerry Lewis.
01:03:59.000 Your Travolta is insane.
01:04:01.000 Your Travolta is the best Travolta on earth.
01:04:03.000 No one nails it.
01:04:06.000 Well, the thing about Travolta is that...
01:04:09.000 You know, he had those Brooklyn characters.
01:04:11.000 We were similar looking when I was 17 years old.
01:04:15.000 And I was just able to do them.
01:04:17.000 I could turn into Vinnie Barbarino.
01:04:19.000 Alright, so you asked me, Vinnie, where's your homework?
01:04:23.000 Vinnie, where's your homework?
01:04:25.000 What?
01:04:27.000 That was the act.
01:04:29.000 That was the whole act?
01:04:29.000 No, no.
01:04:30.000 You could say words.
01:04:32.000 You know, I did my homework, but my dog ate it.
01:04:37.000 I couldn't believe it.
01:04:38.000 You know, and I would do all these Travolta, but after the impressions, when I came to the Comedy Store, After I did, I got a shot on Don Kirshner's rock concert and I did that whole act.
01:04:49.000 But now it was about the acting thing and I was thinking, well, nobody's gonna buy me to do Travolta or Stallone.
01:04:55.000 I gotta develop my own stage persona.
01:04:57.000 Do you know what kind of nuclear arsenal of a joke You have in your wheelhouse, if you just did it, with you doing an impression of Travolta and have some massage bit.
01:05:12.000 Do you know with that impression how good that bit would be?
01:05:15.000 I know you don't want to do it and add luck out of, you know, courtesy to Travolta.
01:05:20.000 I know you think he's very talented.
01:05:22.000 You don't do jokes about him. 1.00
01:05:23.000 But my God, what a fucking... 0.99
01:05:26.000 Crushing bit you would have. 0.99
01:05:27.000 Yeah, but you know what? 0.98
01:05:30.000 Your impression is really good, and then with the situation is so ridiculous. 0.99
01:05:36.000 Him just wanting to get jerked off by all these guys. 1.00
01:05:38.000 Him saying, let me massage you. 1.00
01:05:40.000 The whole thing is great.
01:05:42.000 I mean, it's ripe for comedy.
01:05:44.000 I'm not hating the guy.
01:05:45.000 I love him.
01:05:45.000 Would you like me to dig my thumbs into your neck a little?
01:05:50.000 I could see you got a little crick. 0.85
01:05:54.000 Come on, are you telling me that you pretending to massage a guy as Travolta?
01:05:59.000 And then Stallone says to him, then Sly says, you know what, that feels pretty good.
01:06:07.000 No, I got a sense of humor about it.
01:06:08.000 I just feel he's been through a lot.
01:06:10.000 Oh, he's been through a lot, but he's also dished out a lot.
01:06:12.000 He's one of our greatest stars, so I can't do it.
01:06:15.000 That's hilarious.
01:06:16.000 He's a great actor, no doubt about it. 0.99
01:06:18.000 But he's also a freak who likes getting jerked off by dudes. 1.00
01:06:20.000 There's no question about that either. 1.00
01:06:22.000 That seems to be a reoccurring theme.
01:06:24.000 And I ain't hating a guy, man. 0.99
01:06:25.000 You should be able to do whatever the fuck you want to do. 0.97
01:06:27.000 Well, you know what it is? 1.00
01:06:28.000 There's a lot of guys who would blow him just because he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
01:06:29.000 But that's what I always felt the problem with women was. 1.00
01:06:33.000 Maybe that's why he went to the guys. 1.00
01:06:35.000 They just don't know how to jerk. 1.00
01:06:37.000 I think he's a freak. 0.99
01:06:38.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:39.000 You try to teach them.
01:06:42.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:43.000 Some girls just seem to have a born-in ability to do it correctly. 1.00
01:06:48.000 Some girls just get it. 1.00
01:06:50.000 Squeeze hard. 1.00
01:06:52.000 Don't even say whatever the fuck your thing is. 0.99
01:06:56.000 My wife is squeeze hard. 1.00
01:06:58.000 Who cares what somebody's doing to you? 0.98
01:07:00.000 Unless they got their legs wrapped behind their ears. 0.93
01:07:04.000 Saddle down.
01:07:05.000 Yeah, look at him.
01:07:05.000 Mr. Date.
01:07:06.000 Not by the hair of your chinny chin chin.
01:07:08.000 King of the date.
01:07:10.000 No, I love Travolta.
01:07:12.000 I can only do impressions of the people in film that I really love.
01:07:17.000 Right.
01:07:17.000 It's too bad you can't do it.
01:07:19.000 Well, I just did it for you, though.
01:07:20.000 I gave you a little.
01:07:21.000 Last time I wouldn't do it.
01:07:22.000 That's a taste.
01:07:23.000 Yeah, I mean, I could come up with it, trust me.
01:07:25.000 But, you know, I've got to leave the guy alone.
01:07:27.000 That's a beautiful thing.
01:07:28.000 I would not leave him alone, even if we were tight.
01:07:31.000 Can you do Travolta?
01:07:32.000 No.
01:07:32.000 Do you do any impressions?
01:07:33.000 I could do a couple.
01:07:35.000 I want to see one of your shows now.
01:07:37.000 I'm not even kidding.
01:07:38.000 I'll send you my special.
01:07:40.000 I'll gift it to you.
01:07:41.000 Hey, I'll give the five bucks.
01:07:42.000 I'm willing to pay.
01:07:44.000 You know what I mean?
01:07:45.000 You know, it's just...
01:07:47.000 You know, I got a heart for people.
01:07:49.000 That's what it is.
01:07:49.000 I understand.
01:07:50.000 You know, so even like with Irera, like you were saying, you know what I mean?
01:07:53.000 I don't hate the guy.
01:07:56.000 You know, they're all guys I don't like.
01:07:59.000 You know what I mean?
01:08:00.000 I mean, just don't like for many reasons.
01:08:02.000 Right.
01:08:03.000 You know, his own jealousy would overcome him, I guess, but...
01:08:07.000 He missed out on the greatest gig in the world, you know, doing these arenas, because he is an Italian from Philly.
01:08:14.000 I mean, I did the Spectrum three times, you know what I mean?
01:08:17.000 And he would have been great in those rooms, so I would book Lenny Clark, and Lenny Clark wound up, I'll never forget, I did the Universal Amphitheater, and Lenny calls me up and he goes, you know, can I have some people come to the show?
01:08:30.000 And I'm going, Lenny, that's what it's all about.
01:08:32.000 Like, why wouldn't you be able to have people come to the show with 6,000 people, you know?
01:08:37.000 Right.
01:08:37.000 And he winds up, I don't know if you know Lenny Clark's whole career, but they gave him a sitcom.
01:08:42.000 He got a sitcom that night, and that didn't work out, and he wound up on the sitcom with, what was it, Frasier?
01:08:52.000 You know, Frasier, I think it was.
01:08:53.000 John Larroquette?
01:08:54.000 Yeah, where he played a cop.
01:08:56.000 No, he wasn't on the John Laird catch.
01:08:58.000 No, but it might have been that...
01:09:00.000 Wait, you can look.
01:09:01.000 Red Band, do something.
01:09:02.000 You're running the panel.
01:09:04.000 Yeah, look, you do the IMDB for Lenny Clark.
01:09:07.000 By the way, Lenny Clark...
01:09:08.000 No, but Lenny Clark wound up with a huge career.
01:09:10.000 Yeah.
01:09:10.000 One of the funniest guys ever in Boston.
01:09:13.000 No, but I'm telling you, it was that night that it all came together for him. 0.96
01:09:16.000 Lenny Clark gave me some great fucking advice, too. 0.95
01:09:19.000 Like, my second time ever getting paid to perform, I opened up for Lenny. 0.98
01:09:23.000 This guy that I was working for, Norm LaFoe, who was booking gigs in Western Massachusetts, had these little one-night bars.
01:09:32.000 He had this place called Jay's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts.
01:09:35.000 And I got to open up for Lenny.
01:09:37.000 This is after Lenny had been on HBO. And I got to go.
01:09:39.000 And Mike Clark, it was a funny moment because his brother, who's a great guy, still books a club called Giggles and Socks.
01:09:47.000 Yeah.
01:09:47.000 Yeah.
01:09:47.000 Mike Clark is the shit.
01:09:48.000 He's just a great, great fucking guy. 1.00
01:09:50.000 I never met him, but I know he's a great guy. 0.99
01:09:52.000 He gives me advice.
01:09:52.000 His reputation.
01:09:53.000 He's like, pal, you're pretty funny, but you're going to have to clean it up a little bit.
01:09:56.000 Oh, really?
01:09:57.000 He was talking to the right one.
01:09:59.000 That Madonna bit, you know, that one is just too much.
01:10:02.000 It was just saying, like, for his rooms, you know, like, where I would work. 0.96
01:10:05.000 But then Lenny comes off stage and goes, kid, that was fucking hilarious! 1.00
01:10:10.000 Holy shit, that fucking Madonna bit was fucking hilarious! 1.00
01:10:14.000 That heavy Boston accent, and Mike's like, I just got told, done telling him to stop doing that bit. 1.00
01:10:20.000 It was the John Larroquette show.
01:10:22.000 It was the John Larroquette show, yeah.
01:10:23.000 And he also did Lenny, a show called Lenny.
01:10:25.000 Yeah, I should know that because it was next door to us when we were filming news radio.
01:10:28.000 He was over there. 1.00
01:10:28.000 He fucking, he said that John Larroquette guy was a twat. 1.00
01:10:32.000 He would just say how fucking horrendous it was to work with that guy. 1.00
01:10:35.000 Yeah, but he did great. 0.96
01:10:37.000 Yeah.
01:10:38.000 Lenny was a top-notch stand-up, like, before anybody...
01:10:42.000 Well, these were all the guys that were on the Rodney special.
01:10:44.000 Yeah.
01:10:44.000 You know?
01:10:45.000 Yeah.
01:10:45.000 So you had Lenny Clark.
01:10:47.000 You had a, you know, they had a fill of spots, so they put Barry Sobel in there.
01:10:50.000 Uh-huh.
01:10:51.000 You know? 0.98
01:10:53.000 Look, Barry Sobo at one point in time was pretty fucking funny. 0.99
01:10:57.000 He was pretty fucking funny. 0.93
01:10:58.000 He's a funny guy, but when we did the Rodney special, you know how he wears baseball jackets? 0.97
01:11:04.000 So he shows up with a motorcycle jacket.
01:11:08.000 And he's going on like two before me.
01:11:11.000 It was Lenny, then Sobel, then Carol Leifer, then myself, then Bill Hicks, Irera, and Bob Schimmel.
01:11:21.000 And so he comes in wearing a motorcycle jacket, and he goes, this is what I'm wearing on the show tonight. 0.98
01:11:28.000 So I'm like, all right, another jerk off, because I didn't know him well, you know. 0.97
01:11:32.000 And I go over to Rodney, I go, look what the guy's wearing, Rodney. 0.99
01:11:35.000 And Rodney goes, yeah, so what?
01:11:37.000 I go, well, he wants to wear it on the show.
01:11:39.000 And then Rodney caught it, you know.
01:11:41.000 He's going, Barry, come here, man.
01:11:43.000 You know what I mean?
01:11:44.000 He goes, what are you going to wear on the show?
01:11:46.000 And I'm standing right there, and he goes, well, I'm going to wear this jacket.
01:11:49.000 And Rodney goes, if you wear that jacket, man, you're not on the show, okay?
01:11:53.000 Dice wears the leather.
01:11:54.000 You know, and of course, Barry took out his little baseball jacket, and that was the end of that.
01:11:59.000 Do you think he was trying to do it to, like...
01:12:02.000 You know what, all these guys, you know, when I prepared, you know, just like I'm talking about my special now, right?
01:12:07.000 I really prepare.
01:12:08.000 You know, I'm not going to do a half-assed job when I'm up there.
01:12:11.000 And when that Rodney special, you know, I had about six months to get ready for that. 0.96
01:12:17.000 And every night I'd go on at the Comedy Store, I wouldn't care if it was two fucking people in the crowd, I'm rehearsing. 0.97
01:12:24.000 I'm rehearsing the act, that's it. 0.99
01:12:26.000 Joke to joke to joke. 0.99
01:12:28.000 You know, Halloween, there's Dom I Rara just fucking around on stage. 0.98
01:12:33.000 And I'm like, these guys just don't get it. 0.95
01:12:35.000 Because I knew when I would be in front of that camera, That the only thing I needed to worry about was playing the people and the people at home.
01:12:44.000 I didn't want to think about the act.
01:12:46.000 I wanted to be on automatic pilot because your nerves get to you and you want to do the performance now. 0.99
01:12:53.000 And these guys would just fuck around at the store. 0.99
01:12:56.000 They wouldn't rehearse it. 1.00
01:12:57.000 You know, and then they show up to do the special and everybody's nervous.
01:13:01.000 And I'll never forget, I walked from the Regency Hotel, you know, I just wanted to feel New York, and I was in my outfit for the Rodney. 0.96
01:13:08.000 I'm wearing a belt buckle, you know, this fucking big, you know, with the sunglass.
01:13:13.000 And I come walking into the club, I got the glasses on, and Rodney goes, how do you feel? 0.98
01:13:18.000 He's like, how do you feel, man?
01:13:20.000 You know how Rodney would be like.
01:13:22.000 And I go, tonight they pay.
01:13:24.000 Tonight they pay?
01:13:25.000 Tonight they get disciplined.
01:13:27.000 And Rodney, tonight they pay.
01:13:30.000 Okay, man, you're ready.
01:13:32.000 Okay.
01:13:33.000 Tonight they're going to get disciplined.
01:13:35.000 Did you hear that?
01:13:36.000 And he just got such a kick out of it, you know. 1.00
01:13:39.000 And when I went on, it was like, just kill him. 0.99
01:13:42.000 First show out of the box. 0.99
01:13:44.000 I love that Rodney did that, that Rodney had those specials and introduced so many fucking comedians. 0.99
01:13:50.000 Well, you know what? 0.93
01:13:51.000 If I do more, as far as...
01:13:53.000 Comedy specials, that's what I want to do now.
01:13:56.000 I want to put guys on that I think are great, go around the country, find the best, and deliver those guys to America.
01:14:03.000 That's a great idea.
01:14:04.000 I spoke to Showtime, they're into it, but first I gotta do this. 0.74
01:14:09.000 And really, I think people are just gonna be fucking thrilled with this.
01:14:13.000 You know, I was thrilled with the end result. 0.96
01:14:16.000 L.A. Rocks just rocks the room, which was a little scary to me because when I saw the audience, you know, my boy, just like comics, now you got, I think we used 18 cameras, you know, for the shoot.
01:14:29.000 So, you know, you know what I'm talking about.
01:14:32.000 Just the pressure of, you know, producer, director, all the people involved in the special.
01:14:38.000 And, you know, my kids came out, you know, Eleanor introduced them, and they just rocked the room and the crowd went nuts because I'm worried that they're not going to let them get started.
01:14:49.000 You know what I mean?
01:14:49.000 And they just rocked it.
01:14:51.000 I'm so proud of them.
01:14:52.000 And they're actually going to be at the Whiskey on January 12th.
01:14:55.000 So people that want to see a great band that's breaking LA Rocks could go to the Whiskey on the 12th of January.
01:15:02.000 It's always hard to get yourself into normal performance mode when you're doing a special.
01:15:08.000 It's like when everything's riding on this one night, you've got two shows to get it right.
01:15:13.000 Sometimes that pressure can be overwhelming.
01:15:16.000 And you want to know something?
01:15:18.000 I only wanted to do one.
01:15:20.000 And, you know, it was the people at Showtime that were smart enough to go, no, you're doing two. 0.98
01:15:26.000 And they were right, because I fucked up a few times in the first one. 0.91
01:15:29.000 Yeah, it's always hard to just do one. 0.96
01:15:31.000 I wasn't nervous.
01:15:32.000 I was excited about it, though.
01:15:34.000 You know, it's the nervous excitement, you know, and then you get that first laugh and you just loosen up.
01:15:39.000 But I was just so prepared.
01:15:41.000 I mean, like you said, you came to...
01:15:44.000 You know, Vegas and saw the show and saw me working on it.
01:15:48.000 And, you know, Vegas crowds aren't as great as crowds around the country.
01:15:53.000 You know, and that's another thing I like.
01:15:54.000 So it felt like the comedy store.
01:15:57.000 You know, because in Vegas there's a lot of variables going on.
01:16:00.000 There's gambling, drinking. 1.00
01:16:01.000 Fighting with your chick over losing the fucking money. 1.00
01:16:04.000 Now you're at a show, 10 at night. 1.00
01:16:06.000 And you're not even in the mood for that show.
01:16:09.000 So the crowds, you never get that full, amped up crowd that you would get when you're on the road doing a concert.
01:16:17.000 That they're just coming for the concert.
01:16:19.000 So when I got to Chicago...
01:16:21.000 And, you know, I hear the crowd before I even come on.
01:16:24.000 They're doing the dice, dice, dice.
01:16:26.000 I'm going, all right, this is the real deal now. 0.97
01:16:28.000 So, yeah, I fucked up a couple times in the first taping of it. 0.99
01:16:32.000 And, you know, and then I got angry. 0.98
01:16:34.000 It became dice mean, you know, for the second show.
01:16:37.000 And it just, I just delivered the way I knew I can.
01:16:40.000 One of the things that helped me, and this is, I think, would help you, too.
01:16:44.000 Doing a podcast helps your audience.
01:16:46.000 On stage, tremendously.
01:16:48.000 You get so used to talking to people, you get so used to doing things like live, that when I did the special in Atlanta, it was the most natural I'd ever felt being on stage.
01:17:01.000 Where'd you do it?
01:17:02.000 The Tabernacle.
01:17:03.000 I'd always had a problem with that.
01:17:05.000 When I was taping something, I'd be stiff and tight, and I never felt like I was completely loose.
01:17:09.000 So you were really happy with the outcome of your performance.
01:17:12.000 Forget about it.
01:17:13.000 I was 100% how I always am.
01:17:16.000 I was 100%.
01:17:17.000 I even said it while I was on stage.
01:17:18.000 I was like, this is the most relaxed I've ever been doing one of these things.
01:17:21.000 Because you were so prepared.
01:17:23.000 I prepared.
01:17:24.000 I put a lot of sets in to prepare, a lot of writing in to prepare.
01:17:29.000 I had all the material completely down. 0.96
01:17:32.000 But the audience is so fucking enthusiastic. 0.85
01:17:36.000 That's what you need.
01:17:38.000 Yeah, they're so fun.
01:17:39.000 And like I said, that's where we do parallel because we both draw crazy audiences.
01:17:44.000 People that are really out for the hardcore comedy.
01:17:48.000 You know what I mean?
01:17:49.000 So you really delivered it then.
01:17:50.000 Well, I am so happy that there's still guys out there that are doing anything controversial.
01:17:57.000 Because I think this is such a strange time when it comes to comedy.
01:18:01.000 You know, there's been so many from the Tosh thing to the Tracy Morgan thing to, you know, just fill in the blank of any comedian that says anything. 0.98
01:18:10.000 The Gilbert Godfrey thing when he got in trouble for a lot of shit. 0.95
01:18:13.000 It's like at a... 1.00
01:18:14.000 At a certain point in time, if you keep going down this super ultra-sensitive fucking stupid path... 1.00
01:18:21.000 Yeah, then there'll be no fun. 1.00
01:18:22.000 There's going to be no fun.
01:18:22.000 There'll be no comedy.
01:18:23.000 And, by the way, you're just saying what you don't like.
01:18:26.000 Okay?
01:18:27.000 You're saying you don't like it. 1.00
01:18:28.000 Well, fucking don't listen. 1.00
01:18:29.000 It's really simple. 1.00
01:18:30.000 If you're not into what a guy like Tracy Morgan would say or a guy like you would say, well, then don't fucking listen. 0.97
01:18:36.000 No one's requiring you to... 0.97
01:18:38.000 You can't tell me that it's bad.
01:18:40.000 You can't tell me that it's real.
01:18:41.000 You know it's a joke. 1.00
01:18:43.000 He's a fucking comedian. 0.99
01:18:45.000 Yeah, that shouldn't be, you know, it's like I say, these comics are being put on trial. 1.00
01:18:48.000 Right. 0.76
01:18:49.000 You know, and, you know, there's even a bit that, you know, I do where I use the fag word. 1.00
01:18:55.000 Well, that's one of my favorite bits from your last thing. 0.86
01:18:57.000 Well, I did an interview for Rolling Stone like three weeks ago, and, you know, the guy asked me why I used the word fag.
01:19:08.000 You know, and I said, well, did you listen to the whole, and he listened to the whole show.
01:19:13.000 He watched the whole show.
01:19:14.000 And I said, do you see where I go with the bit?
01:19:18.000 What I'm really doing by the end of that bit is sticking up for the gay community, is what I'm doing. 0.90
01:19:24.000 It winds up about like, you know, when the guys were running, you know, trying out for president, whatever.
01:19:30.000 So it's about the whole marriage thing.
01:19:32.000 I don't want to do the bit on the air, but I go, that's what the bit's about. 0.99
01:19:37.000 If I would say, you know, catch gay rather than catch fag, I go, fag is a funny word. 1.00
01:19:43.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
01:19:44.000 And for people that don't like it, well, don't watch my show, but it's funny and that's who I am on stage.
01:19:51.000 But if you're going to talk about anything, talk about what the bit really turns into.
01:19:56.000 Not a word.
01:19:58.000 Have you ever done anything, any year old material that you look back now and you're like, I wouldn't do that today.
01:20:03.000 I wouldn't say that today.
01:20:04.000 You know what?
01:20:04.000 I really don't have many regrets on the material.
01:20:08.000 I don't use too much of it in the special.
01:20:10.000 I do a couple of classic bits.
01:20:11.000 That's what I call them.
01:20:13.000 Like today, I was on Good Morning LA, and they played some of this midget bit that I've done for years. 0.94
01:20:21.000 But these are the new fans, so you give them some of the classic stuff.
01:20:24.000 You give them the mother goose.
01:20:26.000 But other than that, it's a 98% new act.
01:20:31.000 I've updated how I feel about different things.
01:20:35.000 Like I said, we're living in a different world, technology.
01:20:37.000 We're living in a world where women today are brought up on porn. 1.00
01:20:42.000 God forbid they don't have a profile shot or a bleached out asshole on their website or whatever. 1.00
01:20:48.000 They feel they're not happening. 0.99
01:20:50.000 You know, so everything is new, but it's got that, you know, real heavy bite to it, and it's got the anger that I like to bring to stage.
01:20:59.000 I mean, I couldn't do it like you.
01:21:01.000 I mean, when I see you screaming up there, I had a couple screaming ears, but not as intense.
01:21:06.000 Like, that's what would make me sit down and watch you.
01:21:09.000 I wanted to see how long can he scream?
01:21:12.000 How long can he put that energy out?
01:21:14.000 And you could...
01:21:15.000 Back then, you were going like...
01:21:17.000 Two hours you could do, and just, I go, he loves it!
01:21:22.000 You know, it was almost like it was, it was more about, it was almost like you doing a verbal workout.
01:21:28.000 You know what I mean?
01:21:30.000 You know, it wasn't like, all right, I do A, B, C, D, and I'm done.
01:21:34.000 You would just go, and I'm going, kind of, what is this guy taking for that energy?
01:21:40.000 I'm watching you today talk about the different vitamins and everything that you're selling, and I'm going, he's taking something that could really make... 0.96
01:21:50.000 I'm thinking maybe I should take some of those fucking vitamins because you could really go for a long time at top volume. 0.95
01:21:57.000 Yeah, it's not just about taking vitamins. 0.99
01:22:00.000 It's definitely about what you eat.
01:22:01.000 It's really important.
01:22:03.000 No, but I mean, the energy, that's what I love, because, you know, when somebody's putting out that kind of energy, it's watchable.
01:22:09.000 Well, you know, that's a good point that you brought up earlier we didn't touch back on, but the idea that there's something wrong with you if you're moving around or, like, putting out a lot of effort.
01:22:18.000 There was a time in comedy where guys, like, didn't respect anybody who didn't just stand still.
01:22:23.000 And just say it with your words.
01:22:25.000 And it's like, well, why would you lose, like, that performance?
01:22:28.000 Like, I would see a guy like maybe Jim Brewer as a good example, who's really physical on stage.
01:22:33.000 And I would see, like, the physical aspects of him moving around was really half the bit.
01:22:38.000 It adds to it.
01:22:39.000 Yeah, half the bit.
01:22:41.000 It's hilarious.
01:22:42.000 And any comic that doesn't believe that isn't a real performer.
01:22:46.000 Yeah, and when it comes for that, when it calls for that, rather, there's nothing wrong with doing it.
01:22:50.000 Yeah, but anybody, just pace a little.
01:22:52.000 But it became a thing.
01:22:53.000 Do you remember when it was like a thing amongst comedians that they didn't respect guys who put forth too much effort?
01:22:59.000 Well, when I came to the comedy still, because I had some, you know, at that time with the cassette tapes, I had my music on tapes, to do Travolta, and I would do the Grease Lightning number.
01:23:10.000 I felt like the Serpico of the comedy store because comics would go, you know, this is the music store, not the comedy store.
01:23:22.000 And I go, because you can't do that.
01:23:24.000 How does that sound?
01:23:26.000 You know, you just can't do that.
01:23:28.000 And you don't look like this to do that. 1.00
01:23:30.000 You're an ugly guy. 1.00
01:23:31.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
01:23:32.000 So you should be doing what you...
01:23:34.000 Oh, I had argument after argument with comics.
01:23:37.000 I go, well, you know what?
01:23:38.000 The club owner thinks I am funny.
01:23:40.000 Well, there's a weird thing amongst comedians where they want other comedians to be doing their kind of comedy. 0.95
01:23:45.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99
01:23:46.000 It's like a rapper going up to a guy who plays jazz and getting mad at him for liking the fucking flute. 0.98
01:23:52.000 Yeah, I mean, you know, but, you know, I also feel with comics is, you know, not enough camaraderie. 0.94
01:23:58.000 I've told you that before.
01:23:59.000 Yeah, I agree.
01:23:59.000 Look, I agree.
01:24:00.000 You know, I just don't feel they back each other up enough.
01:24:03.000 That's why it's always good.
01:24:04.000 Like, when you came to my show, I was thrilled.
01:24:07.000 Because here's another comic that I respect coming to see me perform.
01:24:11.000 It's almost like, you know, Sinatra going to see Sammy Davis.
01:24:14.000 You know, like, they back each other up with it.
01:24:17.000 Yeah, it's very important to me.
01:24:19.000 I think, like, first of all, as I've gotten older and been doing stand-up longer and longer, the more I've appreciated the art form of it, you know, whether it's the style that you do or the style that...
01:24:29.000 even Seinfeld.
01:24:30.000 I'm a fan of any style of good, like...
01:24:34.000 Yeah, I love Seinfeld.
01:24:35.000 I love Gaffigan. 0.98
01:24:36.000 Gaffigan is fucking hilarious. 0.97
01:24:37.000 And it's very clean and, like, anybody can listen to it, you know? 0.98
01:24:41.000 I love that style as well.
01:24:42.000 I just...
01:24:43.000 Love the art form.
01:24:44.000 So for me, camaraderie between other comics, it's huge, huge, huge.
01:24:48.000 Very important.
01:24:49.000 But what I also like is, this I get a kick out of the non-camaraderie Of the cleaner comics to guys like us.
01:24:57.000 They look at us like, oh look who walked in.
01:25:01.000 We're the clean guys.
01:25:03.000 And Seinfeld always had his little group of guys, which I think are hysterical.
01:25:07.000 Him, Larry Miller, Paul Reiser, very clean.
01:25:12.000 To me, they're all similar in their styles on stage.
01:25:16.000 Well, I think Seinfeld, that was legitimately him, but there was a lot of guys that came up that were like...
01:25:24.000 No, it's legitimately him, but that whole group had like a certain start.
01:25:28.000 To me, I think he influenced, though.
01:25:31.000 What I'm saying is that there's a lot of guys that became Seinfeld-like.
01:25:36.000 There was a lot of very Seinfeld-like observational guys that I don't know if they would have been that way if it wasn't for Jerry, because Jerry had a very specific style that a lot of those clean guys imitated that style really clearly.
01:25:49.000 And it's really...
01:25:50.000 No, Seinfeld I love.
01:25:52.000 Larry Miller just kills me.
01:25:54.000 I love him on TV, acting.
01:25:58.000 I think he's one of the funniest guys ever.
01:26:00.000 Did you ever see his stand-up?
01:26:01.000 Yeah, I've seen his stand-up.
01:26:02.000 Yeah, I haven't seen in a long time.
01:26:03.000 I saw some old, old Evening of the Improvs.
01:26:05.000 Very funny guy, though.
01:26:07.000 Very funny guy.
01:26:07.000 Just his sound effects and, you know, the way, you know, he's always shocked by things like that.
01:26:12.000 Yeah, a very bright guy, too.
01:26:14.000 Yeah, that's why I don't like to hang out with him.
01:26:16.000 He is.
01:26:17.000 He's really smart.
01:26:18.000 You don't like it?
01:26:18.000 No, I love him, but, you know, we used to do, like, La Jolla together and everything and, you know, you know.
01:26:26.000 There was a story where we did a private party and the guy offered me like $1,000 to do a birthday party in La Jolla.
01:26:36.000 And I go over to Larry and I said, we'll split the money.
01:26:40.000 You opened for me at the birthday party.
01:26:43.000 And it was this big mansion and I think this is the guy that invented sex wax for surfboards.
01:26:51.000 And so we show up and I see a bunch of five-year-olds.
01:26:55.000 You know, and I'm going, you know, I called a guy and I go, you're really going to have me do my act? 0.57
01:27:00.000 And he goes, no, we got a clown for them.
01:27:04.000 You're for us. 0.97
01:27:05.000 We're going inside.
01:27:05.000 So it was all the adults.
01:27:07.000 And Larry goes up and I'm laughing.
01:27:09.000 He does his act.
01:27:10.000 And now he's sitting.
01:27:11.000 It was like one of those living rooms, step down living room.
01:27:14.000 So he's sitting on the step and he's watching me and he's laughing hysterically.
01:27:20.000 You know, and afterwards, you know, I'm asking him, I go, you see my act every night, why are you laughing so hard? 1.00
01:27:26.000 He goes, do you know what a stupid man you are? 1.00
01:27:31.000 And I go, why? 1.00
01:27:32.000 He goes, you were using a $20,000 vase as your ashtray.
01:27:40.000 I go, what are you talking?
01:27:41.000 He goes, the big vase that was next to you.
01:27:43.000 You didn't know where to put your cigarette, so you were putting them in this.
01:27:46.000 The vase was bigger than me.
01:27:48.000 And he goes, and I couldn't stop laughing because everybody was looking at each other every time you flicked your cigarette in this vase. 1.00
01:27:56.000 He goes, you're a very stupid man. 1.00
01:28:00.000 And it just, his delivery would just make me laugh my balls off. 1.00
01:28:06.000 No, I love those guys.
01:28:07.000 And I go, you know, Larry Miller's the guy that got me into the comic strip when I started out, you know, and that's where it all started with the monologist.
01:28:15.000 I've always hated that whole idea that there's like a good way to do comedy and then there's an easy way to do comedy.
01:28:23.000 Because why is it that when I would go to see a guy like you or watch a guy like Joey Diaz, why is it that I laugh so hard?
01:28:30.000 Like, what are you telling me?
01:28:31.000 Is something wrong with me? 0.98
01:28:32.000 Because it's balls out. 0.97
01:28:33.000 It is balls out.
01:28:34.000 I know I understand, but why is anybody saying that there's something wrong with that?
01:28:36.000 Like, there's a weird thing in people's hands.
01:28:38.000 You know, it's also the way you brought up.
01:28:40.000 You know what I mean?
01:28:41.000 Like, these are very clean-cut guys.
01:28:43.000 You know, and I love sci-fi.
01:28:44.000 I like them as a person.
01:28:45.000 I like them as a comic.
01:28:47.000 But, you know, these are guys that actually went to college.
01:28:50.000 You know, I don't know how to talk to them.
01:28:51.000 Right.
01:28:52.000 You know, it's a different mindset, education-wise.
01:28:56.000 I understand all that, but it's reservations.
01:28:59.000 It's like they're reserved and uptight, whereas when you see someone like you or someone like Joey Diaz saying something completely outrageous, they can't go with it.
01:29:08.000 They can't just relax and go with it.
01:29:10.000 They're restricted.
01:29:11.000 They're pulled back.
01:29:13.000 Yeah, is that what they think?
01:29:14.000 Yeah, there's something, they just can't cut loose. 0.99
01:29:17.000 You can't be smart and enjoy a good dirty joke, but that's ridiculous. 1.00
01:29:21.000 Then you're obviously not smart enough. 0.99
01:29:23.000 Because you should be laughing at almost everything you could possibly laugh at.
01:29:27.000 Well, you know what? 1.00
01:29:28.000 Let me see one of these fucking clean motherfuckers sell 300 arena shows, and then I'll give it up for them. 1.00
01:29:33.000 It's very hard to sell an arena show. 0.99
01:29:34.000 You know, I mean, I did over 300 of those.
01:29:37.000 Jesus Christ.
01:29:37.000 You know, and nobody, you know, is ever going to top that.
01:29:41.000 Ever.
01:29:41.000 300 arena?
01:29:42.000 You know, and I did it without...
01:29:43.000 Like, I don't even...
01:29:44.000 What's an arena officially?
01:29:45.000 14,000?
01:29:45.000 How many thousand?
01:29:46.000 It could go anywhere from 15 to, you know, the biggest one I did was 21,500.
01:29:51.000 Jesus!
01:29:52.000 And it was a 41-minute sellout.
01:29:55.000 Oh, my God.
01:29:55.000 It was the Brendan Byrne in Jersey.
01:29:57.000 I mean, the LA Forum I sold out in a couple hours. 0.99
01:30:00.000 21,000 fucking people. 0.98
01:30:03.000 Yeah, well, picture doing 100,000 at the Rose Bowl with being the middle act for Metallica and Guns N' Roses. 0.99
01:30:10.000 So what happens between doing these incredible arenas and then slowly sort of backing away from comedy a little bit and not doing as much?
01:30:20.000 It was a slow thing, though.
01:30:22.000 I did the arenas.
01:30:23.000 For about six years, till around 95. And that's when it didn't go sour.
01:30:29.000 I mean, you know, at that point, you know, the movie career was sort of non-existent, you know, other than B-movies because of the backlash of my stand-up and the press.
01:30:39.000 And so there were no big movies coming, you know, after Ford failing, you know.
01:30:45.000 But even with the arenas, I would do cut-down arenas, like 10,000 seats a night.
01:30:51.000 And that went on for a while.
01:30:53.000 You know, then there were five...
01:30:54.000 You know, in this day, you do 5,000 seats today?
01:30:59.000 That's unreal.
01:31:00.000 You know, I mean, rock bands, you know, it's a different time.
01:31:03.000 It's a recession.
01:31:04.000 It's just a different time.
01:31:06.000 So, you know, when I see a comic doing...
01:31:09.000 2,000, 1,500, 2,000 seats, maybe 2,500 seats.
01:31:14.000 That's superstardom for a comic.
01:31:16.000 You know, I mean, think about it.
01:31:17.000 2,000 people a night coming to see you is unreal.
01:31:21.000 It's pretty weird.
01:31:22.000 I just, you know, always had this thing in my head, you know, because I was so bad.
01:31:27.000 Like I say, you know, my education was like non-existent.
01:31:30.000 I mean, school was just more of a place to go and hang out and play the drums twice a day.
01:31:36.000 You know, and if it wasn't for the drums and music, I probably would have never graduated high school.
01:31:41.000 Because school just didn't interest me.
01:31:44.000 You know, that's the bottom line.
01:31:46.000 So, you know, I wasn't good in sports.
01:31:48.000 Not that I wasn't a big guy.
01:31:49.000 I just wasn't good at it.
01:31:52.000 And, you know, by the time I was 12 years old, I was into all this stuff from doing impressions to playing the drums to, you know, that type of thing.
01:32:03.000 When I got into comedy, and I saw the kind of guys you're talking about, very straight monologists, you know, I just wanted to be an actor and, you know, use the comedy stage to develop my acting chops, and the dice thing happened, so I decided,
01:32:19.000 well, if I'm going to stay in this game and be a comic, I want to create the most visually exciting comic people have ever seen in the world, ever.
01:32:29.000 You know, and honestly, you know, when you see the special, and I got great respect for you and what you do, but you're going to respect the special.
01:32:36.000 I would definitely respect it.
01:32:38.000 No, but I mean, you'll see what I mean, because I deliver exactly what, you know, all these fans I've had through the years want to see from me.
01:32:47.000 And I like giving them what they want to see.
01:32:49.000 I don't want to come up there all cleaned up with maybe...
01:32:53.000 You know, not a tie, but you know, a sport jacket and just black pants.
01:32:57.000 I'm like, for what?
01:32:59.000 You know what I mean?
01:33:00.000 This is how I like to dress.
01:33:01.000 You know, I look good enough to dress in it. 1.00
01:33:04.000 You know, so why not just deliver what they want to see and just pound them over the fucking heads with the filthiest shit that I could come up with because we're living in the filthiest time with the filthiest fucking people. 1.00
01:33:17.000 Yet the backlash is the strongest that it's ever been. 1.00
01:33:20.000 You know, but I don't care about the backlash anymore.
01:33:24.000 Years ago I did because I didn't get it, you know, because guys came before me, everybody from, you know, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, guys.
01:33:32.000 So I'm going, what am I doing any different than them?
01:33:35.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
01:33:36.000 And so now I'm at a point in my life where if you don't like me, who gives a fuck for you? 1.00
01:33:42.000 I don't give a fuck if you see tomorrow. 0.99
01:33:44.000 That's how I think about it. 0.99
01:33:46.000 If a writer writes, if a journalist writes me up like a bad write-up, I'm like, well, what do I give a fuck? 0.99
01:33:51.000 Do I know this person? 0.99
01:33:52.000 Do I care what they fucking feel? 0.99
01:33:55.000 They're the ones writing me up. 0.99
01:33:56.000 Well, it's never fair anyway, because it's like, would a jazz critic review a hip-hop concert?
01:34:05.000 No, why would they?
01:34:06.000 It doesn't make any sense.
01:34:07.000 So for someone to be a comedy critic, it's like, wow, there's a lot of different kinds of comedy.
01:34:13.000 Just because you have a specific taste, a personal taste, doesn't mean the other comedy is bad.
01:34:18.000 It just means it's not for you.
01:34:20.000 Well, I come from...
01:34:20.000 Like I said, I like dealing with...
01:34:23.000 I love seeing the uncomfortability of people in the front row.
01:34:27.000 I love seeing...
01:34:29.000 Well, it's live performance, and that's one of the fun aspects of it.
01:34:31.000 Yeah, and if you're all clean up there, like...
01:34:34.000 You know, I just don't think I would have any fun.
01:34:37.000 I have fun, like, watching a guy, like I said, like Gaffigan or watching a guy like Seinfeld, but it's not the same kind of fun.
01:34:42.000 Yeah, but, you know, Seinfeld's one of a kind.
01:34:44.000 Yeah, but it's not the same kind of fun.
01:34:46.000 It's still not the same kind of fun as, like, watching a guy like you. 1.00
01:34:49.000 Because watching a guy like you, you'll say the most ridiculous shit ever. 0.99
01:34:53.000 One of the things that I was howling, I was howling is when I came backstage afterwards and I was talking to you about it. 1.00
01:35:00.000 I go, eh, you're like, I don't do any research.
01:35:02.000 Like we were talking about how to catch the catch.
01:35:05.000 Because it's comedy. 1.00
01:35:05.000 It's just about the fucking laugh. 1.00
01:35:07.000 But it was like how you were just breaking down the whole process. 0.99
01:35:10.000 I do no research.
01:35:11.000 I claim no responsibility.
01:35:13.000 No responsibility.
01:35:15.000 If I was running for office, I'd have to do a little research.
01:35:18.000 For comedy, that's why I try to explain in that album, The Day the Laughter Died, that it's just about funny.
01:35:25.000 I don't care what it is. 0.98
01:35:27.000 Just be fucking funny. 0.98
01:35:28.000 And I got my rules. 0.99
01:35:30.000 I won't bring up a disaster where people get killed.
01:35:33.000 You know what I mean?
01:35:34.000 You won't make fun of John Travolta.
01:35:35.000 You have strong rules.
01:35:37.000 Yeah, I do have strong rules in that way.
01:35:38.000 You know, like what happened with the hurricane.
01:35:40.000 There's no jokes for me when it comes to that stuff.
01:35:43.000 You know, because, you know, people are getting killed, and there's families that are mourning these people, so it's like, where do I have the right to make fun of that?
01:35:51.000 Right.
01:35:51.000 You know, so I try to stay away from that kind of stuff, but when it comes to sex, come on, it's just sex, so it's okay.
01:35:57.000 Did you ever feel like at a time that you ever crossed the line, though, like, did you ever say anything, whether it's about immigrants or gay people or anything? 0.97
01:36:05.000 No, not when it comes to people, you know, like, you know, You know, when I make fun of Asians and call them Chinamen, you know, it's just funny. 1.00
01:36:13.000 It's a funnier word than Asian. 1.00
01:36:16.000 You know what I mean?
01:36:17.000 Chinamen, chink, it's all funny. 1.00
01:36:19.000 You know, it's a great word.
01:36:22.000 Well, if it was an angry Chinese dude, though, staring at you while you were talking about that. 0.80
01:36:26.000 You know what, I do it right to, you know, I talk about fat girls and sometimes I got chicks in the front row And I'm going, alright, so how much does the fat girl I talk about have to wait a night? 1.00
01:36:37.000 Because I've had some beasts sit in the fucking front row. 1.00
01:36:40.000 And so you have to double her fat girl's weight. 1.00
01:36:41.000 But like my wife says, fat girls love me because I talk about them. 1.00
01:36:44.000 But, you know, when I'm talking about a chick that's bigger than the bed I'm fucking her on, You know, it's funny. 1.00
01:36:50.000 You know, because no girl in the crowd is going to go, well, I'm not bigger than an Eastern King. 0.99
01:36:55.000 You know what I mean?
01:36:56.000 Right.
01:36:56.000 They look at themselves like little.
01:36:58.000 Right.
01:36:58.000 Because I'm not looking to hurt them.
01:37:00.000 I'm just looking to be funny.
01:37:01.000 Right.
01:37:02.000 You know, and let them laugh, too. 0.95
01:37:04.000 Fat girls are allowed to laugh. 1.00
01:37:06.000 They are, but they don't particularly... 0.94
01:37:07.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
01:37:08.000 The fucking blubber starts to jiggle and shit. 1.00
01:37:10.000 They don't particularly like fat girl jokes, though, in my experience. 1.00
01:37:13.000 Oh, really?
01:37:14.000 Yeah.
01:37:14.000 I don't know.
01:37:15.000 I'll tell you, the fat girls in my crowd, they like it. 1.00
01:37:19.000 They really like it. 1.00
01:37:20.000 They're literally rolling in the fucking aisle. 0.99
01:37:24.000 You know, I've had a girl throw herself on the floor and start rolling around that I'm looking like this is hysterical. 0.99
01:37:30.000 It happened once.
01:37:31.000 You know, I've had a heckle fight with an 86-year-old woman. 1.00
01:37:35.000 Really?
01:37:36.000 That I had to come into the middle of a crowd on on New Year's Eve and just give her a big kiss.
01:37:40.000 It was in San Antone, Texas. 0.99
01:37:43.000 Goddamn. 0.99
01:37:44.000 Yeah, and this 86, she was like, you know, I know they're not, whatever part of America, I don't follow the map that much with the geographical shit. 0.99
01:37:52.000 But she sounded Southern, you know what I mean? 0.94
01:37:56.000 San Antonio, Texas?
01:37:56.000 Yeah, they have that twang to them.
01:37:58.000 And she's like, it was like one of those skinny, she was 86 or 87, slapping her knee going, you dirty motherfucker! 1.00
01:38:10.000 You are a dirty, and she's as filthy as me. 1.00
01:38:14.000 You know, that was one of my greatest heck, and it's something I didn't get on. 1.00
01:38:18.000 I wasn't even filming back.
01:38:19.000 I was probably, you know, 27. Yeah, I've had some great heckle fights in the days where they would actually look to throw lines at you.
01:38:28.000 Right. 1.00
01:38:29.000 Rather than just being drunk, you fucking suck. 1.00
01:38:34.000 What do you do with that? 1.00
01:38:35.000 The store is one of the worst places ever.
01:38:38.000 For heckling.
01:38:39.000 First of all, because there's no crowd control, and second of all, because Hollywood is always filled with people that are unhappy.
01:38:45.000 Most people are not achieving their dreams here.
01:38:47.000 The majority of people are struggling.
01:38:49.000 Yeah, they fail.
01:38:49.000 Yeah, the majority.
01:38:50.000 And you get a lot of, like, wannabe actors, wannabe musicians, wannabe...
01:38:54.000 Yeah, if you're at the Comedy Store and go, well, what do you do?
01:38:56.000 Well, I'm an actor.
01:38:57.000 Okay, good for you.
01:38:59.000 But that guy could wind up a superstar.
01:39:01.000 Oh, he could, yeah.
01:39:02.000 This is the place.
01:39:02.000 Look, it is possible.
01:39:04.000 But it's fun to piss on it.
01:39:05.000 There's a lot of that bitterness that's in the air, and there's a lot of that in the crowd.
01:39:08.000 It was one of the reasons why it was such a good place to work out, because that was not an impressed audience.
01:39:12.000 Yeah.
01:39:13.000 They were not impressed with you.
01:39:14.000 I got heckled the other day by a guy in a wheelchair, and he comes there, I guess, once in a while, but he can't talk or move.
01:39:19.000 He has one of those where he just has a thousand computers and cell phones in front of him.
01:39:24.000 And they put him right in the front.
01:39:25.000 Wait a minute.
01:39:26.000 He has cell phones and computers?
01:39:27.000 He's hooked up to everything but a fax machine.
01:39:30.000 Does his hands work?
01:39:31.000 Yeah.
01:39:31.000 One hand works to move and one hand is just pushing iPad buttons and stuff and doing things.
01:39:37.000 And he talks through that?
01:39:39.000 He doesn't really talk.
01:39:40.000 He just goes like that.
01:39:42.000 And so while you're on stage, they put him right in the front row too.
01:39:45.000 The whole show, he's just going...
01:39:47.000 But then he'll say something that means... 1.00
01:39:50.000 He's like, fuck my dick! 1.00
01:39:52.000 And stuff like that. 1.00
01:39:53.000 And he's just fucking saying these horrible things the whole time. 0.99
01:39:56.000 I just like that he's attracted to you. 0.99
01:39:58.000 Right. 0.75
01:39:59.000 Wow, he wants you to blow him. 1.00
01:40:00.000 But no, he's just fucking with you. 1.00
01:40:03.000 And he just fucks with every single comic, and he sits there from like 7 o'clock, whatever, that open mic show, all the way to like 2 in the morning. 0.99
01:40:10.000 Why don't they get him out? 0.95
01:40:12.000 I don't know.
01:40:13.000 It drives everybody crazy.
01:40:15.000 Yeah, because that's a club to work the new stuff out. 0.61
01:40:17.000 It always sucks when you have a guy...
01:40:20.000 That you just have to handle rather than work your material.
01:40:23.000 Yeah.
01:40:23.000 Well, the other problem is when someone before you doesn't deal with a heckler and then you've got to go up and then it's already out of control because they already feel like that's a part of the show.
01:40:31.000 Yeah, and they continue the bullshit. 0.99
01:40:33.000 Well, and also, let's be honest, at the comedy store there's a lot of fucking people that... 0.99
01:40:38.000 They just, for whatever reason, they're still doing stand-up, but they checked out a long time ago. 0.98
01:40:42.000 Long time ago.
01:40:42.000 Sort of going through the motions, and it's not very good material, and for whatever reason, they don't have any talent, for whatever reason.
01:40:49.000 And you'll see them go on stage, and then these hecklers start eating them up. 0.69
01:40:53.000 And then you have to go up and back clean up, you know, clean up on aisle nine.
01:40:57.000 But you know what I do?
01:40:58.000 When I do go on, I always make like there's nobody on before me.
01:41:02.000 You know, and just start from zero.
01:41:04.000 I don't care if somebody had a fight with somebody in the crowd.
01:41:07.000 I'm not going up there to, like you're saying, like just one comic, you know, like the whole lineup is one comic.
01:41:17.000 Right.
01:41:18.000 You know, getting into it with this one person.
01:41:20.000 You know, I just start from zero, and if somebody says something, Dice Mean comes out, and hopefully I handle it right there and then.
01:41:28.000 The Comedy Store was the best workout for that place.
01:41:31.000 It's the greatest.
01:41:32.000 I've gone through a lot of stuff.
01:41:33.000 I used to get to open Fetty Murphy there all the time.
01:41:37.000 Mitzi would use me to, no, to go on after him.
01:41:39.000 Yes.
01:41:40.000 Because nobody wanted to go on after him.
01:41:41.000 Yeah.
01:41:42.000 You know, and, you know, those kind of things are like an honor at that time.
01:41:47.000 You know, and, you know, that's how you got to meet some of those guys.
01:41:50.000 Like, you know, and Murphy was always like, and I didn't understand it at the time when he would be like nervous to go out there like on a Monday night in the main room.
01:41:58.000 And I go, what are you nervous about?
01:42:00.000 They're all here for you.
01:42:01.000 You know, I didn't get it because once you have that fame, now you have to live up to it.
01:42:06.000 I was just excited about going on after the guy.
01:42:10.000 I got to follow Pryor at the store after the burn incident and everybody was coming to see him.
01:42:16.000 You had Sammy Davis sitting on the floor with his legs folded.
01:42:20.000 You had Burt Reynolds there with Sally Fields.
01:42:23.000 You had De Niro there with Scorsese. 1.00
01:42:24.000 And I would come up there like I was playing a bowling alley and just go into it and just make sure I kicked their ass every time. 0.97
01:42:34.000 Mitzi putting you on after Strong Axe was a big move for everybody. 0.98
01:42:38.000 Big move for me and one of the guys that I had to follow up.
01:42:40.000 Who'd you get to follow?
01:42:40.000 I followed you a lot.
01:42:43.000 I followed you a lot in the early days, like in the 94-ish.
01:42:47.000 Wow.
01:42:47.000 And when I first started coming there, she would throw me on after you.
01:42:49.000 I followed prior.
01:42:50.000 Yeah, because you need an animal to follow an animal.
01:42:52.000 Not only that, it's good for you to go on after someone strong because you realize you can't have any fluff in your act, you can't have any bullshit, you've got to cut right to the funny stuff, you've got to impress them right away, get them right off the bat, hold on to them.
01:43:07.000 It's a good exercise in learning, especially when they loved the guy before. 0.99
01:43:11.000 You would be up, fucking destroy. 0.98
01:43:14.000 And then some unknown person has to go on after you. 0.99
01:43:17.000 Yeah, but that's where Mitzi was great. 1.00
01:43:20.000 Yes, she was great.
01:43:20.000 She would pick the right guy for that.
01:43:22.000 Martin Lawrence, I used to have to go on after him a lot.
01:43:25.000 Yeah, I never followed Martin.
01:43:26.000 Eddie, I followed him a lot.
01:43:27.000 When Martin was in his prime, I'll tell you, Martin did not have as long a prime as a lot of people did for whatever reason, and he got into movies, and he kind of doesn't do as much specials anymore.
01:43:36.000 And I love him.
01:43:36.000 He's like one of my all-time favorites.
01:43:38.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.98
01:43:39.000 And oh my god, he destroyed the main room at the comedy store one night. 0.99
01:43:45.000 Just leveled the place.
01:43:47.000 And I had to go on after him.
01:43:48.000 Because he was just funny.
01:43:50.000 Just to look at him is funny.
01:43:52.000 You know what I mean?
01:43:53.000 And he knew it, and he'd play off of it.
01:43:55.000 He's one of my favorites.
01:43:56.000 I felt like a rank amateur when I had to go on after him.
01:44:00.000 Yeah, because especially if it's one of those nights in the main room where that guy's audience is there...
01:44:06.000 As soon as I got on stage, most people got up and left.
01:44:09.000 It was only like maybe 20% of the people stayed.
01:44:11.000 And even them, I was just like this.
01:44:13.000 But he's out there now.
01:44:14.000 He's doing concerts.
01:44:15.000 Is he doing it again?
01:44:16.000 Yeah.
01:44:16.000 He is.
01:44:16.000 I mean, I don't know how big it is.
01:44:18.000 I don't know, you know, the schedule.
01:44:20.000 But I know he was at the store really working stuff.
01:44:23.000 Well, that's great.
01:44:24.000 I hope he can bring it back to form, the way he was when he was on top of it.
01:44:28.000 You know what?
01:44:29.000 He's great.
01:44:30.000 He's great in the movies.
01:44:31.000 I love him.
01:44:32.000 I love Eddie Murphy, you know, as far as, you know, raw comics go.
01:44:36.000 But Martin, I always loved him the best because it was his actions on stage.
01:44:41.000 And he's a guy that knew how to play the stage.
01:44:43.000 Yeah.
01:44:44.000 He'd be all over the place.
01:44:45.000 I mean, I loved his first special.
01:44:48.000 What was your first years at the store?
01:44:50.000 What year was it?
01:44:50.000 I came out there still, it was the beginning of 79. February of 79. Wow, the fucking 70s.
01:44:56.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:44:58.000 And you guys were living in that house on Crest Hill? 1.00
01:45:00.000 Yeah, in Crest Hill.
01:45:01.000 I almost bought that place.
01:45:03.000 Couldn't have a big enough yard for the dogs, though.
01:45:06.000 Yeah, there is no yard.
01:45:07.000 There's no yard.
01:45:08.000 You just fall off the mountain.
01:45:09.000 Yeah, but I looked at it.
01:45:11.000 I lived in that house for six years.
01:45:13.000 That house was crazy. 0.99
01:45:14.000 That house has got some fucking history to it. 1.00
01:45:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:45:16.000 That's a crazy house.
01:45:17.000 That's the only reason why I was thinking about it.
01:45:18.000 I was like, this is such a historic place.
01:45:20.000 Everybody, you know, Robin used to come up there all the time.
01:45:23.000 Yeah.
01:45:24.000 You know, some of the bigger name, and I wouldn't even talk to these guys.
01:45:27.000 I would never talk to a big-name celebrity unless they would talk to me.
01:45:33.000 Because I know what they're thinking the minute you say hello.
01:45:36.000 What move are you doing and what's my part?
01:45:38.000 So I would never bother.
01:45:40.000 Even when Robin would come up to the house, I would be like, just stay away.
01:45:44.000 I mean, great talent, but I wouldn't look to get in his face and go, well, I'm doing this.
01:45:49.000 Right.
01:45:50.000 And I used to have to follow him, too, at the store. 0.99
01:45:52.000 Well, you knew intuitively that it would be annoying as fuck. 0.98
01:45:54.000 Well, you know, that's what gets me when I go there. 0.99
01:45:57.000 These guys, they cross the boundary a lot of times.
01:46:00.000 Yeah.
01:46:01.000 You know, and then they want, you know, it starts with the pictures, and, you know, I'm a comic, and, you know, they want to be buddy-buddy, and I can't, you know, I don't work that way. 0.95
01:46:09.000 Yeah, some guy hit me with a fucking sales pitch the other day after a show.
01:46:15.000 Yeah, they don't let you come down from the show. 0.99
01:46:17.000 Yeah, but I was taking photos with this whole line of people, and this guy just starts rattling off the sales pitch, and just...
01:46:23.000 I mean, it's going on for like several minutes, and I'm just supposed to listen and start up and this and that.
01:46:29.000 And after a while, I go, dude, stop.
01:46:30.000 I go, I can't do that.
01:46:31.000 Stop.
01:46:31.000 I don't have any time for anything, and I'm definitely not going to go into business with you.
01:46:35.000 I don't even know you.
01:46:35.000 This is crazy.
01:46:36.000 But the fucking sales pitch was just, ready, go. 1.00
01:46:40.000 Like, this is opportunity. 0.99
01:46:41.000 But that's also what...
01:46:43.000 It's misdirected energy is what it is.
01:46:44.000 It's the new generation.
01:46:46.000 See, that's what gets me...
01:46:47.000 Like, you know, when you grow up and all you're doing is looking down at your phone, You know, when it finally, you hit that age where you have to start communicating face to face with people, they don't know how to do it.
01:46:58.000 Right. 1.00
01:46:59.000 You've got to shake someone's hand that's like shaking a fucking limp fucking dick. 1.00
01:47:03.000 Yep. 1.00
01:47:04.000 You know, they don't even know how to give a firm grip.
01:47:06.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:47:06.000 You know, what the fuck is that about? 0.99
01:47:08.000 What is that about? 0.99
01:47:09.000 No, but I'm serious.
01:47:09.000 That says something about somebody's character.
01:47:11.000 Well, you know, if you can't say, yeah, how you doing?
01:47:14.000 You know, and it's like, I'm like, what is that?
01:47:17.000 It's for a lot of people.
01:47:19.000 It's not good to be manly.
01:47:20.000 No people skills, I'm telling you.
01:47:21.000 They don't want to be manly.
01:47:22.000 They can't handle it.
01:47:23.000 It's not about being manly.
01:47:24.000 They just don't know how to relate to you unless they're texting to you.
01:47:28.000 Right.
01:47:28.000 Or emailing to you.
01:47:29.000 They just don't know how to have conversation.
01:47:32.000 Yeah.
01:47:33.000 There's definitely a lot of that going on.
01:47:35.000 There's a lot of people that are growing up in a society that is more and more encouraging people to control themselves and And to calm themselves down and to not have as much fun and to be more conscious of how other people are going to view things and be more sensitive. 0.97
01:47:50.000 If a kid has a fucking personality in school, they want to put him on Ritalin. 0.97
01:47:55.000 It's true. 1.00
01:47:55.000 They want kids sitting like mute. 1.00
01:47:58.000 And they want to pretend that school is interesting.
01:48:00.000 It's not interesting.
01:48:01.000 The whole policy of breaking a child down, getting them to sit in position and absorb information that they don't find attractive. 0.99
01:48:09.000 That whole policy is conditioning someone to just listen and be a fucking drone. 0.99
01:48:14.000 That's what it is. 0.98
01:48:14.000 It's not the best way to learn, by far, by any stretch of the imagination. 0.98
01:48:18.000 A best way to learn would be some sort of a one-on-one instruction where, you know, you get to explain to them things over and over again, and you get to answer all questions.
01:48:27.000 But I will say, when we went to school, at least you could have a personality in that classroom.
01:48:32.000 Today, if you're not just quiet and sitting there, like you're saying, you know, you're not a good student.
01:48:38.000 Well, that's mad.
01:48:39.000 The quiet and sitting there is the madness.
01:48:41.000 The ability to just sit there.
01:48:43.000 I remember when I was a little kid and they would want me to sit down.
01:48:46.000 You'd be all of a sudden like you're listening to something that's not fun at all.
01:48:49.000 You know what?
01:48:50.000 After you've just gotten done running around with your friends. 0.98
01:48:52.000 And I wonder what even goes on now because of the phones and the iPads and all the shit they bring to school now. 0.95
01:48:59.000 You know, does that even, you know, like do your kids tell you with that stuff? 0.97
01:49:03.000 I'm sure they're listening to music in class with their headphones on. 0.99
01:49:07.000 Yeah, I'm saying, it must drive the teachers fucking berserk. 0.99
01:49:10.000 Yeah, it must. 0.99
01:49:11.000 And you know what? 1.00
01:49:12.000 This is just, wait till they got those fucking Google glasses. 0.99
01:49:15.000 And, you know, they have these glasses that they're coming out with that you wear. 0.99
01:49:19.000 And you're seeing things in the glasses, like emails, and you can go to websites.
01:49:25.000 That's crazy.
01:49:25.000 Yeah, especially the glasses like yours, nice big ones.
01:49:28.000 This is a big-ass screen.
01:49:29.000 Yeah, nobody will see anybody. 1.00
01:49:30.000 You can see all your shit up there. 0.99
01:49:31.000 You can see all your photos. 1.00
01:49:32.000 You can be fucking flipping through them by using your finger in the air. 0.98
01:49:35.000 I'm not joking. 0.99
01:49:36.000 No, but it's funny if you think you're sitting in class like this.
01:49:39.000 You'll be able to do that and do that in front of your eyes and make them move and you'll be able to pick ones and stretch them. 0.99
01:49:47.000 Yeah, and how are teachers going to deal with that shit? 0.99
01:49:48.000 They're not. 1.00
01:49:49.000 They're going to have to have rules with that shit. 0.99
01:49:51.000 It'll be called a no-touch interface. 0.99
01:49:53.000 It'll all be like finger movements.
01:49:55.000 You'll just be doing things with your finger. 0.98
01:49:57.000 It's going to be fucking insane. 0.99
01:49:59.000 That's just the beginning. 1.00
01:50:01.000 It's going to keep going further and further until you get something planted into your fucking eyeball. 1.00
01:50:05.000 They have contact lenses too now that do it. 0.99
01:50:08.000 You know, that's not for me.
01:50:11.000 I don't believe in contacts.
01:50:12.000 I never did. 0.99
01:50:13.000 But the contact lenses that allow you to see email and shit on them. 0.99
01:50:15.000 I just don't believe in contacts. 0.98
01:50:17.000 Not at all?
01:50:17.000 No.
01:50:18.000 Nothing?
01:50:18.000 Why?
01:50:18.000 I just don't believe in them.
01:50:19.000 But you believe in glasses.
01:50:20.000 Yeah, definitely.
01:50:21.000 Do you have like a Lasix issue?
01:50:23.000 Could you go do that?
01:50:25.000 No.
01:50:25.000 You wouldn't do it?
01:50:26.000 I'm just nearsighted.
01:50:27.000 Oh, okay.
01:50:28.000 So I try to wear sunglasses that people could see through.
01:50:31.000 You could see me good, right?
01:50:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:50:34.000 So nearsighted means things that are close to you, you have a hard time seeing?
01:50:37.000 No, things that are kind of far away.
01:50:38.000 Oh, so you see things close, fine.
01:50:41.000 Yeah.
01:50:42.000 But things that are, hmm, I thought that was farsighted.
01:50:44.000 Yeah, when you're farsighted, that's where you can't see things right here.
01:50:46.000 That's me, man.
01:50:47.000 Yeah. 0.81
01:50:48.000 I'm jacked.
01:50:49.000 Do you wear glasses?
01:50:50.000 No.
01:50:50.000 It's not that bad.
01:50:51.000 I mean, I can read my phone and shit. 0.95
01:50:53.000 It's pretty bad, too. 0.98
01:50:54.000 Is it bad?
01:50:54.000 But let me ask you, now that you put out the special.
01:50:57.000 No, it can't be your dad has glasses.
01:50:59.000 I know, but he can actually still look at his phone.
01:51:02.000 Well, I can look at my phone.
01:51:03.000 What are you talking about?
01:51:03.000 You're exaggerating.
01:51:04.000 Yeah, how big is your text?
01:51:05.000 It's not big.
01:51:06.000 I stopped doing that.
01:51:07.000 Now that you put out your special, are you going to tour?
01:51:10.000 I should question you.
01:51:11.000 You're always asking me all these questions.
01:51:11.000 You know what I'm doing right now?
01:51:13.000 I want to see if I'm any good at this podcast.
01:51:15.000 Writing a gang of new...
01:51:16.000 You totally would be good.
01:51:17.000 That's what I was saying before.
01:51:18.000 You should totally do a podcast.
01:51:19.000 I don't think I would be.
01:51:19.000 Because if I get people on I don't like, I'm not going to be nice.
01:51:22.000 That's good.
01:51:22.000 That's good.
01:51:23.000 That's even better.
01:51:24.000 That's even more fun.
01:51:25.000 No, but I don't want to just...
01:51:26.000 Shred people. 0.99
01:51:27.000 But you don't have to.
01:51:27.000 I'll have a podcast on for three weeks.
01:51:29.000 You don't want to be on there.
01:51:31.000 When you and I talk, we don't shred each other.
01:51:32.000 But we like each other.
01:51:34.000 Yeah, but I'm saying it wouldn't automatically be you not liking the people.
01:51:37.000 You're assuming that.
01:51:38.000 I don't think it's necessary.
01:51:40.000 Because I don't get along with a lot of people.
01:51:42.000 And that's in real life.
01:51:44.000 That's not on stage.
01:51:45.000 Well, you and I have always gotten along.
01:51:46.000 And I think a big part of it had to be that I was a huge fan when I was a kid.
01:51:52.000 No, but it's like you brought up last time about the first time we talked because, you know, I was starting to know your history a little with the TV show and stuff.
01:52:00.000 And that's why I spoke to you about the road.
01:52:02.000 You know, I was like, you don't go on the road?
01:52:05.000 You have a sitcom on the air.
01:52:07.000 Like, what are you waiting for?
01:52:08.000 Right.
01:52:08.000 You know, and I think that's when you really started going out there.
01:52:12.000 Yeah, it was really good advice.
01:52:13.000 It wasn't course of me, but it was the natural purpose.
01:52:15.000 No, it was very good advice, and I didn't even think about it. 0.95
01:52:17.000 And also, I was just assuming that I would always have a sitcom role, which is really dumb.
01:52:21.000 Because, like, why would you assume that any...
01:52:23.000 Those things never last, you know?
01:52:24.000 And it lasted for five years.
01:52:26.000 Five years.
01:52:26.000 But once I started going on the road, that's when my stand-up really got a lot better.
01:52:31.000 Because the one thing I could tell with you when you're on stage is you love it.
01:52:34.000 See, that's the key, and you never lost that love for it.
01:52:37.000 So did you want to have done another special?
01:52:39.000 No, it's fun.
01:52:40.000 It's still fun.
01:52:40.000 It's too fun.
01:52:41.000 Are you going to tour a lot now with this? 0.98
01:52:43.000 I'm trying to write a lot of new shit right now.
01:52:45.000 So I've got at least 40 new minutes of new stuff and then a gang of stuff in the notebook that I have to break out. 0.98
01:52:50.000 Do you actually sit and write it?
01:52:51.000 Yeah, I write.
01:52:51.000 Or do you just go on stage?
01:52:52.000 I do both.
01:52:53.000 I do a lot of making up on stage. 0.99
01:52:55.000 There's a lot of shit like I'll go on tangents. 0.98
01:52:57.000 Yeah, you'll have an idea. 0.99
01:52:58.000 But there's a lot of it that I actually sit in front of a computer and write.
01:53:01.000 I think to get the best results, I like both.
01:53:04.000 I like actual writing, sitting down writing things out, and then I like performing.
01:53:09.000 Yeah, my son Max, he loves to write it.
01:53:11.000 I just think that when you take a lot of time, when you sit in front of a computer taking a lot of time, you're going to come up with more possibilities than you will in the moment.
01:53:19.000 In the moment is great, too.
01:53:21.000 But I think it's not an either-or thing, rather. 0.99
01:53:25.000 I think for comedians, I think it's important to both write, to sit down and actually work on your shit by yourself, and to do it on stage and just ad-lib and fuck around. 0.98
01:53:35.000 That's how I have the best results. 0.99
01:53:36.000 That's what I always tell you.
01:53:37.000 Like young guys, they say, I'd like to write on stage.
01:53:40.000 I'm like, keep doing that.
01:53:41.000 Definitely keep writing on stage.
01:53:42.000 But you should also write.
01:53:44.000 You should also sit down and write.
01:53:46.000 Because you get the most out of it.
01:53:47.000 See, I only do it on stage.
01:53:50.000 Only on stage.
01:53:50.000 That's where I'll come up with stuff.
01:53:52.000 Not that I'm a genius with it.
01:53:54.000 It doesn't happen every night.
01:53:55.000 So you don't ever sit down with a notebook or anything?
01:53:58.000 Never.
01:53:59.000 And what I love is that I finally, to give her a little credit, she doesn't want to be on the air or anything, but she'll tailor the bit.
01:54:10.000 Like if I come up with something and it goes a little too long, she'll explain why it's got to be...
01:54:15.000 She really gets it.
01:54:17.000 And I'll shorten the bit up and I'll be on stage and I'll kill with it. 1.00
01:54:21.000 I'll be like, how the fuck does she know? 0.99
01:54:24.000 You know, because she wants anything but the limelight. 0.99
01:54:27.000 You know what I mean?
01:54:28.000 And it's like, she just gets it.
01:54:30.000 You know, she'll go, you don't understand.
01:54:31.000 Once you hit this point, you don't have to go further with it.
01:54:34.000 That's it.
01:54:35.000 That's the joke.
01:54:35.000 End it there.
01:54:36.000 You know, and because of her Latin background, it's like, all right, I'll end it there.
01:54:41.000 But she's normally right, 99% of the time.
01:54:44.000 It'll be killer.
01:54:45.000 It's a funny thing with stand-up comedy.
01:54:47.000 You never know where the bit's gonna go when you first start it.
01:54:51.000 You start adding on to it and stretching it out.
01:54:55.000 I would never listen to anybody about what I do on stage, especially a non-comic, and she's not a comedian.
01:55:03.000 You know, it would be like, look, when I'm on stage, do me a favor, stay out of it.
01:55:07.000 You know, I didn't become who I am because I was listening to my girlfriends.
01:55:11.000 Right.
01:55:12.000 You know what I mean?
01:55:12.000 But she really gets it.
01:55:14.000 And every time she comes up with something and I do it, it kills.
01:55:19.000 Which angers me.
01:55:20.000 A lot of comics like to work with people.
01:55:23.000 I know Chris Rock, when he would do a special, he would work with a team of guys.
01:55:28.000 He would work with Voss and Nick DiPaolo, and they would come up with the bits and work on them together.
01:55:34.000 DiPaolo's a good comic.
01:55:35.000 Yeah.
01:55:36.000 But I don't think any comic that's a really great comic, and I think DiPaolo's great.
01:55:40.000 Yeah, he is a great comic.
01:55:41.000 But I don't think he's going to look to write a better act than he has for somebody else.
01:55:45.000 It's true.
01:55:46.000 It's just in your head.
01:55:47.000 It's true.
01:55:48.000 If you come up with something fantastic when you're writing for something, you're going to go, you know what, I'm going to put this on the side.
01:55:53.000 Yeah.
01:55:54.000 This is for me.
01:55:55.000 I'll give credit.
01:55:56.000 That's why I also believe in being an original, like that you know it comes from you.
01:56:00.000 Yeah, I think that's important.
01:56:02.000 You know, when I hear that a guy had a bunch of writers help him work on a special, it's just...
01:56:06.000 But that's why you also went nuts with, you know, with the Mencia thing when he was stealing the, you know...
01:56:11.000 That guy was...
01:56:12.000 That's stealing material, but I'm talking about when others are writing it for you.
01:56:15.000 Yeah.
01:56:16.000 It's like how...
01:56:17.000 It doesn't feel organic.
01:56:18.000 It doesn't, but I don't care.
01:56:19.000 That doesn't bother me.
01:56:20.000 I don't think that a musician should have to sing his own songs that he wrote.
01:56:24.000 I don't think that a comic should have to tell...
01:56:25.000 I think if one of your friends writes a joke for you, you should be able to do it on stage.
01:56:29.000 You know, Wheels actually comes up with great stuff for me.
01:56:31.000 Does he really?
01:56:32.000 Yeah.
01:56:32.000 And there's nothing wrong with that.
01:56:33.000 But I feel like...
01:56:35.000 But he knows me so well.
01:56:37.000 If I'm doing like a bit on the hairy box...
01:56:41.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
01:56:42.000 You know, verse, you know, the bald monkey, whatever the fuck they want to call it today. 0.96
01:56:47.000 You know, like I'll just call him up and I'll start coming up with stuff and he'll just add these things and I go, why don't you do that for you? 0.98
01:56:55.000 Right.
01:56:56.000 You know what I mean?
01:56:56.000 Because he's such a peculiar character.
01:56:59.000 He's a very peculiar character.
01:57:00.000 When he comes up with something for me... 0.99
01:57:03.000 You know, I'll just, like, do it and kill with it. 0.99
01:57:06.000 It could just be... 0.96
01:57:06.000 Well, he did get me banned from one TV show here. 0.96
01:57:10.000 Wheels did?
01:57:10.000 Because I listened to him.
01:57:12.000 There's something wrong with me.
01:57:14.000 Wheels tried to tell me that he was, like, a pool hustler.
01:57:16.000 He's a genius.
01:57:17.000 You know what he's doing?
01:57:18.000 He's got an entertainment company, Blue Light Entertainment.
01:57:22.000 He's got a catering company.
01:57:24.000 I heard his food's very good.
01:57:25.000 It is!
01:57:26.000 That's what's so nuts!
01:57:27.000 I have some of it at the Comedy Store way back.
01:57:29.000 The Cannoli Kids.
01:57:30.000 He'll love that I'm saying this too.
01:57:32.000 But he really...
01:57:34.000 I went a couple years ago and I had to do another morning show.
01:57:40.000 You know, and I was getting heavy into the technology stuff about the phones, this and that.
01:57:44.000 So as I'm driving there, he's talking to me. 0.99
01:57:47.000 He goes, all I want you to say, if you bring up technology, is that you don't have a BlackBerry, and the only thing you want black is laying underneath you, and it's got a big fat ass, and the only thing you want buried is your face in it. 0.99
01:58:02.000 That's your BlackBerry. 0.99
01:58:04.000 You know?
01:58:05.000 So I do it.
01:58:07.000 Just the way he tells me to do it, and you could feel the air stop.
01:58:11.000 It's 8 in the morning to Los Angeles, and I'm going, yeah, I don't believe in the phone thing.
01:58:17.000 I don't like those blackberries. 0.99
01:58:19.000 The only thing I want black is normally underneath me with a big fat ass, and the only thing buried is my face in it. 1.00
01:58:25.000 And then it's just quiet in the studio, and you felt it. 1.00
01:58:30.000 And of course, my publicist was told he could never be on this show again. 0.98
01:58:36.000 What the fuck did they think they were going to get? 0.94
01:58:39.000 If they're bringing it, it's hilarious. 0.99
01:58:41.000 But I was just so into the joke driving there that I didn't think it was that bad.
01:58:46.000 I'm going, well, I'm not cursing.
01:58:49.000 It's not that bad.
01:58:50.000 Yeah, it's not that bad.
01:58:51.000 If they know it's you, it's Andrew Dice Clay. 0.99
01:58:53.000 But 8 in the morning, when people are shaving and getting ready for work, and there's a black woman on screen with me, right next to me, they're looking like, what the fuck is this? 0.98
01:59:06.000 So today when I did this other, you know, Fox News, I was nice. 0.98
01:59:12.000 You worry about them sabotaging you or setting you up or, you know, like ready to go after you?
01:59:17.000 You know, those kind of shows, they're always very cool with me, so I always felt bad about the Blackberry joke because I wasn't looking to offend anybody.
01:59:24.000 I was just looking to be funny.
01:59:25.000 Right.
01:59:26.000 You know, and to me it was a funny joke.
01:59:28.000 And Wheels told me to say it, which they should ban him. 0.99
01:59:31.000 They should understand, first of all, that you're a dirty comedian. 0.98
01:59:34.000 You've always been, and they shouldn't be shocked by that. 0.96
01:59:36.000 But I'm also an adult that shouldn't be listening to my friend, you know, telling me to do this joke on the way to the radio, the TV station.
01:59:46.000 I don't see that being your fault. 1.00
01:59:47.000 I think people are too fucked up. 0.99
01:59:48.000 I think it's Wheels' fault. 1.00
01:59:49.000 I think.
01:59:50.000 We could blame Wheels if you would like.
01:59:52.000 But he is funny.
01:59:52.000 I would rather blame the news people.
01:59:54.000 I remember that time when you were on CNN. Well, that guy had it coming.
01:59:57.000 That was ridiculous, but it was great. 0.73
01:59:59.000 That was also a good viral video for you because it was clear that it didn't make any sense that this guy was saying that you ran a gym for a while. 0.66
02:00:09.000 Well, I just did another CNN thing that will air on Saturday that actually Alan Duke Was the interviewer and Tom Green produced it.
02:00:20.000 Tom Green, the comedian?
02:00:22.000 Yeah.
02:00:22.000 Oh.
02:00:23.000 Yeah.
02:00:24.000 We did a two-camera shoot for this interview.
02:00:27.000 Oh, that's cool.
02:00:27.000 Oh, he's great.
02:00:28.000 And I can't believe how his hand...
02:00:30.000 You know me, I'm always doing the filming.
02:00:32.000 And he's holding this heavy camera and he's...
02:00:35.000 He just becomes a filmmaker at that point.
02:00:38.000 You know, he's really great.
02:00:39.000 I'm good friends with Tom.
02:00:40.000 I love Tom Green.
02:00:41.000 He's phenomenal.
02:00:42.000 We've got to get him back in here, Brian.
02:00:43.000 You talked to him, right?
02:00:44.000 Yeah.
02:00:44.000 Yeah, me and Tommy G. He's a good dude.
02:00:47.000 That's his tough guy name, Tommy G. So you guys did another...
02:00:50.000 Who was the guy who did the original interview with you?
02:00:52.000 The one where you yelled at him...
02:00:53.000 Well, that guy, you know, the guy that interviewed me was basically saying that guy's like, you know, that was it.
02:00:59.000 You know, that guy made a mistake, he paid the price, and that was it, because he is a CNN reporter that had no facts about him.
02:01:08.000 Yeah, did that, here it is right here.
02:01:11.000 Turn this on.
02:01:14.000 For a while, you were actually running a gym?
02:01:17.000 Tell us about that.
02:01:18.000 Running a gym?
02:01:19.000 Weren't you running a gym at some point?
02:01:20.000 You're supposed to be a news guy. 1.00
02:01:21.000 Weren't you getting your fucking information? 1.00
02:01:22.000 That's our research. 1.00
02:01:23.000 You weren't.
02:01:23.000 You weren't.
02:01:24.000 This is ridiculous. 0.96
02:01:24.000 Like, come on, CNN, and the guy don't even know what he's talking about. 0.96
02:01:27.000 Go ahead.
02:01:27.000 You're at no point where you're running a gym?
02:01:29.000 No, no, running a gym?
02:01:31.000 What, you need a workout or something? 0.99
02:01:33.000 Jesus fucking Christ, with these guys that come on the news for two seconds, and you want to say... 1.00
02:01:39.000 Every time I do an interview, a guy wants to open his fucking mouth. 1.00
02:01:42.000 Can't even do a little fucking routine here. 1.00
02:01:44.000 You know what, go fuck yourself, you know what? 1.00
02:01:49.000 We'll go back to talking about Art Carney. 1.00
02:01:55.000 We'll be back in just a moment to fill you in on the Art Carney situation.
02:01:59.000 That guy's gone.
02:02:00.000 That's it.
02:02:02.000 Any career he might have had is over.
02:02:05.000 How could you just ask someone and say that your research shows he owned a gym?
02:02:09.000 There was the internet back then.
02:02:10.000 You want to know something?
02:02:11.000 What was crazy is, and the guy knew it, that the next night I was at the Beacon Theater and it was oversold.
02:02:18.000 It was gone.
02:02:19.000 Why was he trying to pretend that you went away from stand-up and that you weren't doing it and were running a gym?
02:02:27.000 The way I would put it, I'd go, his mommy probably didn't like me. 1.00
02:02:32.000 So he was going to get me for her, this little cocksucker. 1.00
02:02:36.000 I wonder where that guy is right now. 0.99
02:02:37.000 I'd look to Tosh.0.
02:02:38.000 Where he is, he's now delivering newspapers.
02:02:40.000 That's where he is.
02:02:41.000 That's a good Tosh.0 for sure.
02:02:43.000 That would be a real good Tosh.0.
02:02:44.000 What is that guy's name?
02:02:45.000 I don't even know his name.
02:02:46.000 I don't know.
02:02:46.000 Are you friends with Tosh?
02:02:48.000 I don't know him.
02:02:49.000 I don't know him.
02:02:50.000 He's a good guy.
02:02:50.000 I watched the show a little though.
02:02:51.000 Very good guy.
02:02:52.000 Very funny guy too.
02:02:52.000 But that would be an interesting thing.
02:02:54.000 Yeah, we need to find out homeboy's name.
02:02:56.000 The internet will tell us. 1.00
02:02:58.000 Hey, on Twitter, who's that fucking guy? 1.00
02:03:00.000 Who's that fucking guy and where is he? 1.00
02:03:02.000 Alright? 1.00
02:03:03.000 Yeah, what's he doing?
02:03:04.000 See if we can get him.
02:03:05.000 Look how focused he is.
02:03:06.000 Maybe he would be a good guy to interview, and you could play that.
02:03:10.000 You have us on together.
02:03:12.000 Yeah, that would be too intimidating for him.
02:03:14.000 Give a chance for him to apologize.
02:03:16.000 He wouldn't do it.
02:03:16.000 He'd be sad.
02:03:17.000 He'd be sad-faced.
02:03:18.000 I forgot how many, but that got millions of hits, that thing.
02:03:21.000 Oh, I'm sure it did.
02:03:22.000 I watched it at least 20. You know, I love it.
02:03:25.000 I love it.
02:03:26.000 Yeah, it was great.
02:03:27.000 Because when you're doing, especially CNN, which is, aren't they the top news show in the world?
02:03:35.000 How don't you have some facts?
02:03:37.000 I mean, you have way more facts than this guy ever had.
02:03:41.000 You know, and you're a comedian.
02:03:43.000 Well, he was, what he was doing was just sort of judging you as a joke.
02:03:47.000 You know, he was like, well, here we go.
02:03:49.000 We're doing an interview with some, you know, like his thing.
02:03:51.000 Oh, he paid the price.
02:03:52.000 It wasn't that he was diminishing you.
02:03:54.000 Let's talk a little bit about your career height.
02:03:56.000 I can't believe it.
02:03:58.000 You, of course, you were a headline guy.
02:04:01.000 I'm still a headline guy, you know what I mean?
02:04:03.000 For a while you popped out, now you're coming back.
02:04:06.000 For a while you were actually running a gym.
02:04:10.000 Tell us about that.
02:04:11.000 Yeah, that I never understood.
02:04:13.000 Running a gym.
02:04:14.000 Well, everybody wants to think that just you have to have all of your information and you have to have all your ducks in a row and your fax check to be on television.
02:04:22.000 That's just not the case. 0.99
02:04:24.000 Like, you could get on one of those shows and have ridiculous opinions and then they fucking fire you. 0.99
02:04:27.000 I mean, it's happened a million times before. 0.99
02:04:29.000 Well, this guy really paid, I think.
02:04:33.000 He disappeared. 0.99
02:04:34.000 But he probably sucked anyway. 1.00
02:04:36.000 That was a shitty interview. 0.99
02:04:38.000 Why would he talk to you like that? 1.00
02:04:40.000 Because he's an asshole. 1.00
02:04:42.000 Because he didn't do any fact-checking. 1.00
02:04:44.000 Because, like I said, you could tell this isn't a guy that would be into dice.
02:04:49.000 Well, not only that, he's also one of those guys.
02:04:50.000 But even if you're not, don't these guys talk to everybody?
02:04:53.000 Yeah, he has that fake way of talking.
02:04:57.000 You know, that sort of fake, on-television way of talking.
02:05:00.000 Oh, and when he came out, I could tell something was up because, you know, I was trying to, like, you know, a little pre...
02:05:06.000 Not a pre-interview, but, you know, how you doing?
02:05:09.000 Before you sit down and talk.
02:05:10.000 And he was, like, ignoring me.
02:05:12.000 You know, and I was actually there with Eleanor and Happy Face.
02:05:17.000 He was ignoring you because he didn't want to talk to you until the camera was on?
02:05:20.000 No, there were no cameras on us.
02:05:22.000 But he didn't want to talk to you until the camera was on, maybe.
02:05:25.000 Yeah, like how don't you, even when you do a talk show, they come over to you for a few minutes, you know, the host before you go on.
02:05:31.000 This guy didn't even want to talk.
02:05:33.000 And I wish Eleanor was here to tell the story because when you're sitting there doing the interview, behind you, you know, it's in New York and it's just a full floor of people with computers on the desk.
02:05:49.000 So Eleanor said, when you first cursed, she goes, you're talking about a couple hundred people on this floor with computers.
02:05:58.000 Everything stopped and they all just looked up at their computer.
02:06:02.000 And then it continued, and then everybody leaned forward to go, is this really airing right now?
02:06:09.000 They couldn't believe it was airing, and then we just ran out of there and got in a cab like we just robbed a bank.
02:06:17.000 Well, CNN is not broadcast television.
02:06:21.000 So CNN is not held to the same restrictions that the FCC imposes on NBC or CBS or ABC. That's a cable.
02:06:28.000 So when you're on cable, you can say shit. 1.00
02:06:30.000 We can say whatever you want. 0.99
02:06:31.000 It's up to whether or not your advertisers are willing to still support you while you do that.
02:06:36.000 So you weren't breaking any laws.
02:06:37.000 But if you had done that on like ABC Nightline News or something like that, then you would have broken a law. 0.98
02:06:42.000 And then shit, if they found you like that you did it willing, you could slip up. 0.99
02:06:47.000 I just fucking got, oh, sorry. 1.00
02:06:48.000 You know, you could have one of those situations, but if you clearly, like, this fucking asshole over here, and like, you know, clearly, like, that today, I think, is like, that's a serious fine. 0.99
02:06:59.000 I think that's like a quarter million dollars, and I think you can... 0.99
02:07:01.000 To the person saying it?
02:07:02.000 Yeah, you can get in a lot of trouble for that.
02:07:04.000 I gotta remember that.
02:07:05.000 I'm glad I didn't curse this man.
02:07:05.000 But the way you did it on CNN... His name's Peter Arnett, I believe.
02:07:10.000 That's his name?
02:07:11.000 When you did it on CNN, though, it was like just doing it on HBO. It's like the same thing, really.
02:07:16.000 This guy probably just sits there all day and goes, everybody has seen this.
02:07:20.000 Just everybody has seen this.
02:07:22.000 Well, another half a million are going to see it now.
02:07:24.000 Yeah, that's for sure. 1.00
02:07:26.000 That's silly fuck. 1.00
02:07:27.000 The Rogan podcast. 1.00
02:07:28.000 It's very funny when you have a guy like that.
02:07:30.000 Those guys, they kill me, those buttoned-up guys.
02:07:33.000 That's not him.
02:07:35.000 That is not the guy.
02:07:36.000 That's what he turned into after that.
02:07:39.000 Gained 150 pounds.
02:07:41.000 Started a slumping. 1.00
02:07:43.000 Fucking jerk off. 1.00
02:07:45.000 He's still a jerk off for doing that. 1.00
02:07:47.000 Well, maybe he feels bad and he's not anymore. 1.00
02:07:49.000 No?
02:07:50.000 Never forget?
02:07:51.000 You think he feels bad?
02:07:53.000 Probably not.
02:07:54.000 The only thing he regrets is that that happened.
02:07:56.000 That's all.
02:07:57.000 Yeah.
02:07:58.000 Well, unless he evolved.
02:07:59.000 Maybe he went on a mushroom trip somewhere.
02:08:00.000 Maybe he went down to Peru.
02:08:02.000 Got his brain cleaned out.
02:08:04.000 It's possible. 0.60
02:08:05.000 I don't like him.
02:08:06.000 I don't want to get a fine.
02:08:07.000 Well, you don't get a fine on the internet. 0.99
02:08:10.000 On the internet, you can do whatever the fuck you want. 0.99
02:08:12.000 I love this show. 0.99
02:08:13.000 It's so relaxed here.
02:08:15.000 Babe, you having a good time here so far?
02:08:17.000 Yeah.
02:08:19.000 Mrs. Dice Clay.
02:08:20.000 Mrs. Dice Clay.
02:08:21.000 In the background.
02:08:21.000 She doesn't go on the air.
02:08:22.000 Yeah, it's cool that you guys have this happy touring thing, too.
02:08:27.000 You guys are happy together in Vegas, having a good time.
02:08:29.000 You bring your family out.
02:08:31.000 You have your kids open for you.
02:08:32.000 Illinois is your friend.
02:08:33.000 She's there.
02:08:34.000 You have a nice, happy...
02:08:35.000 Yeah, it's my little group.
02:08:37.000 Yeah, it's nice.
02:08:38.000 You know, the sister-wives, the whole thing.
02:08:40.000 I like how you did it in Vegas, too, because I had always wondered whether or not someone could use Vegas as a workout room.
02:08:45.000 No, I love that.
02:08:46.000 But now I'm actually moving to the Hard Rock in Vegas.
02:08:49.000 Well, yeah.
02:08:51.000 But what I meant was, like, I always wondered, like, if you went to Vegas, like, would you have to have the same act over and over again?
02:08:57.000 Or could you use...
02:08:58.000 You're the first guy that I heard of that, like, used Vegas, like you said, like the store. 1.00
02:09:02.000 Just go there and fuck around. 0.98
02:09:03.000 Yeah, but it's a tourist town, so every week you get a different audience, a different convention. 0.99
02:09:07.000 I don't know why you don't do it more.
02:09:09.000 You're right.
02:09:10.000 I should.
02:09:10.000 I probably should.
02:09:11.000 So many comics are moving there, living there, you know.
02:09:14.000 Well, I'm doing it in February.
02:09:15.000 I'm at the Mandalay Bay, the big room, on February 1st.
02:09:22.000 And it's the day before the UFC. It's basically the same.
02:09:25.000 You're going to like that.
02:09:26.000 I've done that room, too.
02:09:27.000 It's where, yeah, but I can't sell that many tickets.
02:09:29.000 So they cut it in half and then...
02:09:32.000 Yeah, but even cut in half is 800 seats cut.
02:09:35.000 I know the room.
02:09:36.000 I've done it a lot.
02:09:37.000 No, it's more than that.
02:09:39.000 No, the room is like 1,600.
02:09:41.000 16,000, you mean?
02:09:43.000 No, 1600. Which room are you talking about?
02:09:45.000 In the Mandalay Bay.
02:09:45.000 They got a big showroom.
02:09:47.000 Oh, no, no, no, no.
02:09:48.000 They're doing it in the event center.
02:09:49.000 Oh, I don't know.
02:09:50.000 It's where they have the fights.
02:09:51.000 Oh, you're doing it in there?
02:09:52.000 Yeah, they cut off half the room to do the weigh-ins. 0.87
02:09:54.000 It's actually not even half the room.
02:09:55.000 It's more like a third of the room.
02:09:57.000 So how many seats?
02:09:59.000 I think it's like close to 4,000.
02:10:02.000 Yeah, but, you know, you get a tremendous following.
02:10:06.000 Yeah, no, no, it's a great place, but I'm saying that's what I usually do.
02:10:09.000 I only do like that every now and then.
02:10:10.000 What would you be happy, with 2,000 people showing up for you?
02:10:13.000 Yeah, we've done that before.
02:10:14.000 We've done that a couple of times.
02:10:15.000 Yeah, that would be great.
02:10:17.000 Yeah, you know.
02:10:19.000 We just want to make sure it's fun.
02:10:21.000 Alan Chernoff is his name.
02:10:22.000 Alan Chernoff.
02:10:23.000 Oh, there's Alan.
02:10:24.000 There he is.
02:10:25.000 What's he doing today?
02:10:26.000 He sits on the board as an advisor for, hold on, I'll tell you right now.
02:10:32.000 He sits on the board of the Deadline Club as a career advisor for Brown University.
02:10:38.000 Anything but in front of a camera.
02:10:41.000 Wow, that's a strange gig.
02:10:42.000 I hope he's happy.
02:10:43.000 What's the name again?
02:10:45.000 Alan, A-L-L-A-N, Chernoff.
02:10:48.000 C-H-E-R-N-O-F-F. You see, Alan, you never got me down. 0.98
02:10:54.000 You never got me down, Alan.
02:10:56.000 I'm still standing, Alan.
02:10:58.000 Do you know Doug Stanhope is friends with the real Jake LaMotta?
02:11:01.000 I love Doug Stanhope.
02:11:03.000 Doug Stanhope lives in Bisbee, Arizona, so does Jake LaMotta, and Jake LaMotta comes over to his house and plays poker.
02:11:08.000 That's great.
02:11:10.000 There's photos of the two of them together.
02:11:12.000 But Stanhope himself is hysterical.
02:11:13.000 We did a show at the Wiltern together last Friday from the End of the Mind calendar show.
02:11:19.000 And it was Stanhope, Diaz, me, and a band.
02:11:22.000 It was really fun.
02:11:23.000 It was pretty crazy.
02:11:24.000 That's a good show, too.
02:11:26.000 Yeah, it was fun.
02:11:27.000 Who was the band?
02:11:29.000 Honey Honey.
02:11:30.000 They're friends of ours.
02:11:31.000 They've been on the podcast a few times.
02:11:32.000 Really talented band.
02:11:34.000 They're almost kind of country-ish.
02:11:35.000 Kind of rock-ish, country... 0.99
02:11:38.000 They play a lot of banjos and shit. 0.98
02:11:40.000 The girl has a tremendous voice. 0.99
02:11:41.000 Guy's a great songwriter, great musician, really cool people too.
02:11:44.000 So they opened up the show.
02:11:46.000 They did like four songs.
02:11:47.000 Then Diaz went out and laid in the flat.
02:11:48.000 Diaz is doing great.
02:11:50.000 Couldn't be doing better. 0.99
02:11:51.000 He's killing them everywhere. 0.99
02:11:52.000 He's doing a podcast too, right? 0.99
02:11:54.000 Oh yeah.
02:11:54.000 Church of what's happening now.
02:11:56.000 But he's also, I think he might even be there now where I play at the Riv.
02:12:01.000 At the Starlight Theater.
02:12:02.000 They're talking to him about doing something.
02:12:04.000 I don't know whether or not he's decided whether or not he's going to do it.
02:12:07.000 I think he was trying to make up his mind whether or not he was going to do that or not.
02:12:10.000 But I think it's a great idea for him because it's a quick flight.
02:12:13.000 It's a 40-minute flight.
02:12:14.000 He lives in Burbank.
02:12:15.000 You know what?
02:12:16.000 It's the best gig right now in the country for a comic.
02:12:19.000 You know, you make it sound very appealing.
02:12:22.000 The idea of living in Vegas.
02:12:24.000 No, but you don't have to live there.
02:12:26.000 You know, you could just go.
02:12:28.000 You just drive.
02:12:29.000 See, we drive it all the time.
02:12:31.000 We don't even fly.
02:12:32.000 Oh, yeah?
02:12:32.000 You know, we'll drive it.
02:12:33.000 And it's become such a regular drive for us.
02:12:37.000 It doesn't feel like a long time.
02:12:39.000 You know, we do it in four hours.
02:12:40.000 What's the best tip?
02:12:41.000 Like, what's the best time to go?
02:12:43.000 Do you have any tips to drive back?
02:12:44.000 Oh, when you're driving there?
02:12:45.000 About anywhere between 12 and 1. A.M.? No.
02:12:50.000 No, in the morning?
02:12:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:12:52.000 No, in the afternoon, you fuck. 1.00
02:12:54.000 You get it wrong twice. 1.00
02:12:56.000 We've come home at night a lot.
02:12:58.000 We'll get home at 5 in the morning.
02:13:00.000 Getting stuck on that drive is the worst.
02:13:02.000 I've been stuck on that drive.
02:13:03.000 No, but I could go when everybody's at work.
02:13:08.000 So, going to the Hard Rock, is it in the new wing?
02:13:12.000 No, no, no.
02:13:15.000 It's right near where the joint is.
02:13:18.000 It's when you first come in, you go to your right, it's right in that area.
02:13:22.000 I know exactly where it is.
02:13:23.000 I saw that.
02:13:23.000 There was a band there when I was there.
02:13:25.000 Yeah, well, that room, the vinyl, is a rock and roll room where they put, like, new rock bands.
02:13:32.000 That's perfect for you.
02:13:33.000 How many seats is that?
02:13:34.000 Well, it'll seat about 400. And you do that once a month?
02:13:37.000 Yeah, I'll do it, like, two weekends out of the month, you know, two four-day weekends.
02:13:42.000 So we spend, like, a week and a half there, and then we come home.
02:13:45.000 I gotta start doing something like that.
02:13:46.000 I'm telling you.
02:13:47.000 I'm trying to do one January 9th.
02:13:49.000 I'm trying to find a room for AVN. I went to a comedy show there with Sam Tripoli, but I have no idea.
02:13:53.000 But there were so many...
02:13:54.000 You could use the Laugh Factory that Harry Basil just opened there.
02:13:57.000 Oh, yeah.
02:13:58.000 There's a Laugh Factory there?
02:13:59.000 Right in the Tropicana.
02:14:00.000 Really?
02:14:00.000 Yeah.
02:14:01.000 Is it Jamie Masada connected?
02:14:03.000 Yeah.
02:14:03.000 And it's the Laugh Factory.
02:14:06.000 You know Harry Basil, right?
02:14:08.000 No.
02:14:08.000 No, he doesn't.
02:14:09.000 You're not friends with Basil Tone?
02:14:10.000 He's not.
02:14:11.000 Do you know him?
02:14:13.000 I know who he is.
02:14:13.000 Yeah, he's a comic.
02:14:14.000 I really don't know him.
02:14:14.000 He actually opened for Rodney for like 20 years.
02:14:17.000 And so they just opened this club maybe...
02:14:20.000 How long ago, Val?
02:14:21.000 About six months?
02:14:23.000 It's only open like six months.
02:14:25.000 Oh, yeah.
02:14:25.000 Getting in contact with Jamie, then.
02:14:27.000 I hear it's beautiful.
02:14:28.000 I hear it's a good-sized room.
02:14:31.000 Yeah, and it's doing well. 0.99
02:14:33.000 It's kicking ass. 0.82
02:14:33.000 And there's a lot of comedy clubs, but that would be one of the best. 0.82
02:14:36.000 Does Vegas have a comedy scene?
02:14:38.000 Do they have open mic nights or anything?
02:14:40.000 Well, a lot of them do, but you've got a lot of clubs there now.
02:14:46.000 You've got the Brad Garrett Room.
02:14:47.000 You've got the Laugh Factory.
02:14:49.000 Right.
02:14:52.000 There's a comedy club right at the Riviera downstairs from the Starlight Theater.
02:14:57.000 It's the Riviera Comedy Club.
02:14:59.000 Right.
02:15:00.000 Yeah, I did that.
02:15:03.000 I know downtown there's a lot of clubs.
02:15:06.000 I never go downtown.
02:15:08.000 Who books the Riviera these days?
02:15:09.000 It's not Steve Schripp anymore.
02:15:11.000 No, I think...
02:15:12.000 There's no way he would keep that after The Sopranos.
02:15:14.000 No, no.
02:15:15.000 It's just the Riviera books.
02:15:16.000 For folks who don't know, the big guy in The Sopranos, what was his character in The Sopranos name?
02:15:20.000 Bobby.
02:15:21.000 Bobby.
02:15:21.000 Bobby is Steve Sharipa.
02:15:23.000 We've known Steve like forever.
02:15:25.000 For years.
02:15:25.000 Before he was ever an actor, he was the guy who ran The Riviera.
02:15:29.000 You know what?
02:15:29.000 I would get crazy with him too because I think he's a talented guy and he's really likable.
02:15:35.000 And when he was doing The Sopranos, I'm like, where's the new show you're going to do?
02:15:40.000 Because even though he played a gangster, he's still this lovable guy.
02:15:43.000 And I'm going, you've got to have an ABC sitcom after this.
02:15:46.000 You're the father of three.
02:15:48.000 It's that simple.
02:15:49.000 And I'm still waiting for it.
02:15:51.000 Because I love that guy.
02:15:53.000 It's hard for a lot of those guys to transition from a show that's that memorable.
02:15:57.000 But not all of them.
02:15:58.000 See, a lot of them were real tough guys, just from real life.
02:16:03.000 Guys that have been in jail.
02:16:05.000 Some of them were real actors.
02:16:07.000 But Sharippa, even though he was with the Gangsters, he still has that likability, you know, that he could have transitioned very easily.
02:16:15.000 You should try to find out.
02:16:16.000 He might, you know, he might still.
02:16:17.000 They're airing The Sopranos again.
02:16:19.000 Are they really?
02:16:20.000 Yeah.
02:16:20.000 You should try to find out if you can do it at the Riviera.
02:16:22.000 Yeah.
02:16:23.000 Yeah, the Riviera Comedy Club, that's a good spot.
02:16:26.000 Well, how big a room do you want?
02:16:27.000 I want like 100, like a smaller room, 150. The Riviera Comedy Club, that's easy.
02:16:33.000 I could probably help you with that.
02:16:34.000 What does the Riviera's hold?
02:16:36.000 Does it hold 150 maybe?
02:16:38.000 Well, the Comedy Club probably holds about 300. Does it?
02:16:41.000 Okay.
02:16:41.000 And then the place upstairs where you were at?
02:16:44.000 That holds like 575, something like that.
02:16:46.000 Was that the place where that Mark Marino used to have, or Frank Marino used to have his drag queen show?
02:16:53.000 I think so.
02:16:53.000 Yeah.
02:16:54.000 There's like a famous...
02:16:55.000 There's a couple theaters.
02:16:55.000 It's the only theater I saw on the rib.
02:16:57.000 There's also a thousand seat theater just like that.
02:17:00.000 And by the way, you got to use up the word drag queen while you can before they decide to... 0.99
02:17:05.000 You can't call them that.
02:17:06.000 It's too insensitive.
02:17:07.000 You're not supposed to use twink anymore.
02:17:08.000 Do you know that? 0.96
02:17:10.000 Even gay guys get in trouble for using the word twink. 0.55
02:17:12.000 I never heard it until this second. 0.82
02:17:14.000 You never heard of twinks? 0.80
02:17:15.000 Twink, in the gay community, a twink is like a small, hairless, sort of boyish looking gay boy. 1.00
02:17:21.000 Do you know how funny that is? 0.86
02:17:23.000 Do you have any idea why did you have to say that to me?
02:17:27.000 And then Andy Cohen...
02:17:28.000 I'll be calling that to people in the audiences.
02:17:31.000 You know, what are you, a twink?
02:17:32.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:17:33.000 That's the new thing.
02:17:34.000 Oh, I love that.
02:17:34.000 And the big guys are bears.
02:17:36.000 Yeah.
02:17:37.000 Now they just want to be called tings, right? 1.00
02:17:38.000 But Andy Cohen, the guy who runs Bravo, got in trouble...
02:17:42.000 He was forced to apologize for calling someone twinks. 0.98
02:17:48.000 And he's gay. 0.98
02:17:50.000 He's a gay guy. 0.92
02:17:51.000 And I love his show.
02:17:52.000 I love that guy. 0.79
02:17:53.000 A gay guy had to apologize for using the word twink. 0.99
02:17:57.000 I mean, that is god damn classic. 0.98
02:18:00.000 And I love that guy. 0.96
02:18:01.000 Trannies either. 0.99
02:18:02.000 They don't want to be called trannies anymore. 1.00
02:18:04.000 I used to call them trans testicles. 1.00
02:18:07.000 Well, yeah, that was my joke. 1.00
02:18:09.000 I go, you meet the girl of your dreams, right?
02:18:11.000 Like I would start off, I go, you know, first you got these bisexuals. 1.00
02:18:15.000 You know, what does that mean? 1.00
02:18:16.000 You either suck dick or you don't suck dick, right? 1.00
02:18:19.000 What do you get up in the morning? 1.00
02:18:20.000 I got to remember this shit. 1.00
02:18:21.000 You know, flip a coin, heads I want, hair pie tails, balls across the nose. 1.00
02:18:27.000 And then I go, now you got these other things, these trans testicles. 1.00
02:18:31.000 You meet the girl of your dreams, you whiner, you diner, you put your hand up, you're holding a fucking tree trunk. 1.00
02:18:37.000 This is what the guy said, okay? 1.00
02:18:39.000 This is how crazy people are today.
02:18:41.000 Andy Cohen, who's the guy's...
02:18:43.000 I guess he's the head of Bravo, I guess?
02:18:45.000 He's always on those shows.
02:18:46.000 He's always acting as a mediator.
02:18:48.000 Yeah, we watched the show!
02:18:50.000 Well, this is what he wrote on Twitter.
02:18:52.000 No joke, I just walked right into One Direction Greenroom.
02:18:56.000 I guess One Direction is a band.
02:18:58.000 The blonde dude was shirtless, he says.
02:19:00.000 And then his tweet, hashtag holy twink.
02:19:04.000 So he said the blonde dude was a twink. 1.00
02:19:07.000 Obviously, he's saying he's like a hot little piece of ass. 1.00
02:19:10.000 And he had to apologize for that. 1.00
02:19:15.000 Misused word earlier, I just meant they're cute.
02:19:18.000 He tried to write that to cover up his tracks.
02:19:20.000 But that's what we've been talking, you know, because we were talking about it with comedy, but think about that. 0.97
02:19:24.000 That's so ridiculous.
02:19:25.000 Yeah, like everything you say, now you've got to, you know, have an apology ready. 0.98
02:19:30.000 Twink is a contentious... 0.99
02:19:31.000 Should you call a press conference, get behind a fucking podium, and go, I'm sorry, I called the little hot boy a twink? 1.00
02:19:40.000 Twink is a contentious word and is sometimes seen as a derogatory definition Referring to a certain type of homosexual. 0.99
02:19:47.000 Thus, Andy experienced crazy Twitter backlash concerning his comment. 1.00
02:19:52.000 What a group of cunts we have. 1.00
02:19:54.000 Just a bunch of silly cunts. 1.00
02:19:58.000 Just silly, dumb people. 1.00
02:19:59.000 Yeah, now how come people don't get mad at that word anymore? 1.00
02:20:01.000 I don't know.
02:20:02.000 I'm gonna use that word till the wheels fall off. 0.99
02:20:04.000 I will never give up cunts. 1.00
02:20:05.000 I will hold on to cunt. 1.00
02:20:06.000 You will pry my dead hands off the word cunt. 1.00
02:20:08.000 You didn't have to apologize to. 1.00
02:20:10.000 Like, who was that?
02:20:11.000 Like a bingle? 1.00
02:20:12.000 Twinks.
02:20:12.000 You have to apologize to twinks.
02:20:13.000 You have to apologize to the fans, I guess, of the band.
02:20:16.000 That's what he had to apologize for, using that word.
02:20:18.000 But the people were upset that the word twink was a derogatory term. 0.91
02:20:22.000 But it's being used by a gay guy. 0.93
02:20:24.000 It's like me calling somebody a guinea. 0.99
02:20:25.000 Yeah, it's silly. 1.00
02:20:26.000 It's stupid. 1.00
02:20:26.000 But check out those twinkles. 1.00
02:20:28.000 I mean, they're so adorable.
02:20:29.000 Even in the craziest culture, even in the harshest conditions, most of my family is Italian. 1.00
02:20:35.000 If I called someone a crazy guinea and you got mad at me, you can go fuck yourself, okay? 1.00
02:20:39.000 That's not racist, it's me. 1.00
02:20:40.000 I will tell you, I'm mostly guinea, you know, and that's a source of all sorts of problems with me biologically. 1.00
02:20:47.000 And to say that you can't say that, it's fucking stupid. 1.00
02:20:51.000 This guy's a gay guy and he's calling someone a twink. 1.00
02:20:53.000 If there's wrong with that, there's no hope for the world. 0.97
02:20:56.000 Well, that's what I'm saying.
02:20:57.000 People talk, you know, everybody, like, you know, We can't have that. 1.00
02:21:03.000 It's just fucking stupid already. 1.00
02:21:06.000 You know, you say a little thing, a cute little thing, you know, he was looking at the guy, the guy probably looked... 1.00
02:21:10.000 I mean, who dresses better than Andy?
02:21:13.000 Not only that, it's like...
02:21:14.000 I mean, he's dressed perfectly every...
02:21:17.000 Me and my wife watch the show, well, because we watch all those crazy, you know, housewives, you know, the Miami, you see them?
02:21:23.000 Right.
02:21:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:21:24.000 They fight.
02:21:25.000 They're the only ones worth watching.
02:21:26.000 They fight. 1.00
02:21:27.000 Those Cuban bitches, they're tropical. 1.00
02:21:29.000 It's like Telemundo that you can understand. 1.00
02:21:33.000 You know what I mean?
02:21:34.000 When we go to Florida, my wife will catch me just watching the Telemundo in all the dressing rooms. 0.99
02:21:40.000 Now you can at least understand what the fuck they're saying. 1.00
02:21:43.000 It's amazing that just following idiots around with a camera has become awesome entertainment. 1.00
02:21:49.000 Sometimes I can take it, sometimes I can't. 1.00
02:21:51.000 Yeah, this is me too.
02:21:52.000 Because all those shows, it's about the fight now.
02:21:55.000 It's always about the fighting.
02:21:57.000 You know what I watch, man?
02:21:58.000 I'd rather see these chicks banging. 1.00
02:22:00.000 All I watch these days is Alaska shows.
02:22:02.000 I've been on this crazy Alaska kick for the last couple of months.
02:22:06.000 It's like four or five different shows about people trying to survive in Alaska. 0.99
02:22:10.000 It's fascinating shit, man. 0.97
02:22:11.000 Watching people out there just trying to catch as many salmon as they can freeze because they have to realize that it's going to be winter for eight months. 0.99
02:22:18.000 That's all I've been watching. 0.99
02:22:19.000 So I watched that and then I watched like the Real Housewives shows and they look so stupid because their issues are so small. 0.99
02:22:25.000 Like in the Alaska shows, they're like, I gotta go shoot a bear today. 0.99
02:22:27.000 You can't compare, you know, real life shit to, you know, well you called me a big name and you know I'm not gonna stand for that. 1.00
02:22:39.000 And then the one with the boyfriend that just is fucking everything. 1.00
02:22:43.000 Behind her back. 1.00
02:22:45.000 But we love each other. 1.00
02:22:47.000 Shut up and fuck somebody else already. 1.00
02:22:49.000 Let's start a new storyline here. 1.00
02:22:52.000 Why do I get to see 13 episodes of you fighting with a guy that owns nightclubs about other chicks? 1.00
02:22:59.000 Didn't you know what you were getting involved in? 1.00
02:23:01.000 Didn't you use your fucking head for a split second already? 1.00
02:23:05.000 Yeah, you silly bitch. 1.00
02:23:06.000 You know, that's what goes on with these girls. 1.00
02:23:09.000 It's like, just stop.
02:23:10.000 It's not for you. 0.82
02:23:11.000 Bang somebody else already. 0.87
02:23:13.000 Well, it's just interesting that that would even be entertaining to people.
02:23:16.000 But it is.
02:23:17.000 It really is.
02:23:18.000 We would find so much pleasure.
02:23:20.000 It's almost like seeing two people get out of their cars and start an argument.
02:23:23.000 You're going to watch it.
02:23:24.000 But when I watch the difference between those shows and these Alaska shows, these subsistence-living shows that I watch, it's fascinating.
02:23:29.000 But how do you even put that with that?
02:23:31.000 But I do, because it's humans.
02:23:32.000 I'm just watching humans in Alaska live their life, just like I'm watching humans in Miami live their life.
02:23:38.000 They're looking to survive, too.
02:23:39.000 The problem is, what I think is that all their natural needs have been taken care of, as far as gathering food, having a place, a shelter, being protected from the elements. 0.99
02:23:49.000 They don't have to worry about that shit. 0.99
02:23:50.000 But that's interesting. 1.00
02:23:51.000 So, because they don't have to worry about that shit, then they concentrate on, this bitch said something to me, and I'm gonna cut her. 1.00
02:23:57.000 Because they're always fucking drunk! 1.00
02:23:59.000 That too. 1.00
02:24:00.000 Every fucking show. 0.99
02:24:01.000 I don't want to get angry over reality shows, but every one of them, you know, well, let's meet for breakfast, and they're opening up Dom. 0.99
02:24:09.000 Right.
02:24:09.000 You know, why are we drinking at breakfast?
02:24:13.000 Because you don't have to go collect caribou.
02:24:15.000 Yeah, and all of them...
02:24:16.000 That's right. 0.99
02:24:17.000 You're not cutting a hole in the fucking ice. 1.00
02:24:20.000 If you have to go out there and go shoot a bear, otherwise you have no meat in your freezer, that's a completely different situation. 0.99
02:24:25.000 That's interesting.
02:24:26.000 That's what it is.
02:24:27.000 You know, I can't feel bad, you know, for a girl that's living in an 18,000 square foot home, you know, drinking liquor for breakfast.
02:24:37.000 But I can feel bad for the little Alaskan guy that might fall through the ice.
02:24:43.000 I feel like if I had to choose between living with those cunts in Miami or living in Alaska, I would live in Alaska. 0.99
02:24:50.000 I'd have to go with the Miami thing.
02:24:51.000 I don't think I'd be able, if I had to live with them, if you had to live in a house with those people, or live in Alaska.
02:24:57.000 It's still a check. 1.00
02:24:58.000 They're so dumb. 1.00
02:24:59.000 There's so much dumbness. 1.00
02:25:00.000 There's so much where you would just, like, I'm going to have to hypnotize you people and start from scratch. 0.99
02:25:05.000 There's only one way we're going to have to raise your mind, and I'm going to have to program you.
02:25:08.000 I'm going to bring them ecstasy and Ibogaine.
02:25:11.000 I'll tell you a show you would like, because it reminds me of you, the way they explain everything happening.
02:25:16.000 What is it?
02:25:17.000 I shouldn't have been around there, but I was.
02:25:20.000 What's the name?
02:25:23.000 That should be the title of your next album.
02:25:25.000 I shouldn't be alive.
02:25:37.000 I shouldn't have been around there, but I was.
02:25:40.000 Yeah.
02:25:40.000 You know, they decide, hey, what a beautiful day.
02:25:44.000 I'm going to climb the biggest mountain in the world thinking, you know, this is going to go off without a hitch. 0.95
02:25:49.000 Well, that guy who had a cut through his fucking arm, the guy who got stuck under that rock, they made a movie about him. 0.97
02:25:53.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
02:25:54.000 James Franco movie. 1.00
02:25:55.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99
02:25:56.000 No, but have you watched the show I'm talking about? 1.00
02:25:58.000 Yes.
02:25:59.000 Yeah, I've seen it many times.
02:26:00.000 Yeah, and they explain things like you.
02:26:01.000 I always go back to salt.
02:26:03.000 Salt?
02:26:04.000 You know, mineral?
02:26:05.000 Oh, there's a mineral?
02:26:06.000 Yeah, that lady that's still probably sitting there shaking. 1.00
02:26:10.000 That monster?
02:26:11.000 I never saw a guy get so mad over her. 1.00
02:26:12.000 No, that woman's a monster. 1.00
02:26:13.000 She was a monster all night. 1.00
02:26:15.000 She was a monster in the audience. 1.00
02:26:16.000 Oh, was she? 0.77
02:26:17.000 And she was like a middle-aged lady, right? 1.00
02:26:19.000 No, no.
02:26:20.000 She was like late 30s, overweight, angry. 1.00
02:26:22.000 And you weren't even looking at her, and she was like talking to somebody else?
02:26:27.000 About salt, and what'd she call it again?
02:26:30.000 Oh, no, she was telling everybody how terrible salt is for you.
02:26:34.000 And he's just sitting, minding his own business, and all of a sudden, the rage.
02:26:38.000 You know, it was like a show off the stage. 1.00
02:26:41.000 And he goes, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
02:26:44.000 What do you know about anything? 0.99
02:26:47.000 Like, he knew her.
02:26:48.000 Like, she knows nothing about anything. 1.00
02:26:50.000 He goes, it's a fucking mineral. 1.00
02:26:53.000 You tell this story every time you do a podcast with her. 1.00
02:26:55.000 Because you didn't see your face.
02:26:58.000 That was the beauty of that to me. 1.00
02:26:59.000 Yeah, and I explained to you that that cunt had been a problem all night. 1.00
02:27:02.000 She'd been a nightmare all night. 1.00
02:27:03.000 But I always forget that part.
02:27:04.000 Yeah, that part's not as interesting. 1.00
02:27:06.000 You know, when she was telling people about salt, but you shouldn't have any salt in your diet, and I was like, it's a central mineral, stupid. 0.99
02:27:14.000 Like, what are you talking about? 0.99
02:27:14.000 That's how it started. 0.99
02:27:15.000 Yeah.
02:27:16.000 And then you got angry.
02:27:17.000 Well, she threw a cigarette at me. 1.00
02:27:17.000 Then it was Rogan mean. 1.00
02:27:19.000 Oh, but I wasn't there for that.
02:27:20.000 I wasn't there for that.
02:27:21.000 Yeah, that was when it got out.
02:27:22.000 But you know my other thing?
02:27:23.000 I know I bring that up all the time.
02:27:24.000 But I like the way you break things down, is what I'm saying.
02:27:27.000 That's why I was really...
02:27:28.000 Like, on the show, like, I shouldn't have been around there, but I was.
02:27:32.000 Like, they break it down, like, everything that's happening to the person, and I know you really understand those things.
02:27:38.000 That show's a bad show.
02:27:39.000 I'll tell you a thing I like to do on different shows with the same guy, like if it's the same host of a radio show or something.
02:27:46.000 I love to congratulate them on their wife's pregnancy, knowing there is none. 0.62
02:27:51.000 You know, and after the second time, the guy would be like...
02:27:55.000 Dice, you said this last time, my wife isn't pregnant.
02:27:58.000 And I go, no, would she have the baby?
02:28:01.000 And he's going, she was never pregnant.
02:28:03.000 We don't even want kids.
02:28:04.000 And they get angry about it.
02:28:06.000 And I'll just stay on it every time I come on.
02:28:09.000 But that's purposely.
02:28:11.000 Well, you would have these little things.
02:28:12.000 I love to affect people.
02:28:14.000 These little gags that you would run at the store.
02:28:16.000 We'd have people acting out certain things and you were videotaping it with cameras. 0.99
02:28:21.000 So you'd get off stage and there was a play going on in the fucking hallway. 0.98
02:28:26.000 What is happening back there? 0.99
02:28:27.000 You've got to see those tapes, I'm telling you.
02:28:29.000 What do you do with all those tapes?
02:28:30.000 Nothing.
02:28:31.000 This is what I think the podcast would be?
02:28:33.000 I just love filming it.
02:28:34.000 This is what I think your podcast would be.
02:28:36.000 And Tom Green always calls me up.
02:28:37.000 He goes, let's film something.
02:28:39.000 And I'm like, for what?
02:28:40.000 All I do is film. 0.99
02:28:41.000 Because he likes doing that shit too, but he'll actually air it somewhere. 0.99
02:28:45.000 He'll put it somewhere. 0.99
02:28:45.000 How awesome would this be? 0.99
02:28:47.000 If you had, you just had a humongous box of tapes behind you, all random.
02:28:50.000 And each podcast at the beginning, you just grabbed one, put it in, you kind of give like a commentary while it's going on.
02:28:56.000 Like, oh, this is from, you know, the comedy store.
02:28:58.000 Obviously, let's see what's going on here.
02:29:00.000 Well, what I was doing there, no, that's actually funny, but...
02:29:04.000 There was sense to those tapes.
02:29:07.000 You know, even though it seemed like when he...
02:29:10.000 Because Joe would ask me, he goes, what are you doing with the camera?
02:29:13.000 And I'm like, I'm filming the show.
02:29:15.000 But there was no show.
02:29:17.000 But yet I was making it a show.
02:29:19.000 And I really just loved it.
02:29:20.000 So when I'd come to the comedy store, you know, I'd start kicking weight.
02:29:23.000 And the show was going on in the original room.
02:29:25.000 I used the store as my set.
02:29:28.000 You know, and like the newer comics at the time, like...
02:29:32.000 Like Steve Renizzisi, you know, Ari, Bobby Lee.
02:29:37.000 These were like the new generation of comics.
02:29:40.000 So I would film all these guys and they couldn't wait for me to get there because they never knew what they had to do.
02:29:47.000 And I would tell them exactly what I need them to say, you know, and I would say, all right, you wait four seconds and you say it.
02:29:55.000 Like they didn't even have a choice as how to say it as an actor.
02:29:59.000 But why didn't you do something with it all?
02:30:01.000 Well, what am I going to do?
02:30:02.000 But you spent so much time, we were looking forward to it.
02:30:04.000 You have no idea how...
02:30:06.000 Like, ours is always like, well, one day Dice is going to release it.
02:30:08.000 We're like, oh, okay.
02:30:09.000 Well, my son Mac says, you know, we got to...
02:30:12.000 These are the lost tapes, we got to call them, and start putting things on, like, YouTube.
02:30:17.000 Have them edited into little...
02:30:19.000 Because there were always scenarios going on.
02:30:21.000 How many hours of footage do you have?
02:30:22.000 Oh, thousands.
02:30:23.000 LAUGHTER Thousands.
02:30:27.000 That's just madness.
02:30:28.000 I have this...
02:30:30.000 Because I did film a lot of stuff career-wise.
02:30:33.000 There's this young filmmaker, his name's John Myers, and he's putting together, he's logging all my footage now to make a documentary movie.
02:30:44.000 That's awesome.
02:30:44.000 But I filmed all the way back.
02:30:46.000 First it was all...
02:30:48.000 You know, the big shows, being on the road, all of it.
02:30:51.000 I'd get my home life.
02:30:52.000 That's how I started with practicing just filming myself without a crew.
02:30:57.000 And the special comes out this Monday night.
02:31:00.000 New Year's Eve is Monday night, right?
02:31:02.000 New Year's Eve.
02:31:02.000 This Monday night, New Year's Eve.
02:31:04.000 On show time.
02:31:04.000 What time is it?
02:31:05.000 10 p.m.
02:31:06.000 10 p.m., and so it's over at 11?
02:31:09.000 It's a one-hour show?
02:31:10.000 Yeah.
02:31:10.000 So set your DVRs.
02:31:12.000 If you're not going to be home, if you're out partying, set your DVRs and check it out. 0.96
02:31:15.000 That show that I saw in Vegas was fucking awesome.
02:31:18.000 One of the best comedy shows I've seen in a long time. 0.97
02:31:21.000 Last ten years.
02:31:22.000 Thank you, Red Band. 0.99
02:31:23.000 We fucking howled. 0.98
02:31:24.000 It was really fun. 0.98
02:31:26.000 It was just a fun night with you guys hanging out.
02:31:28.000 We had a great time.
02:31:29.000 It was old school Dice and it was Anthony Cumia and Jim Norton and Sam.
02:31:34.000 We had a great crew.
02:31:35.000 Bobby Kelly was there too.
02:31:37.000 You made me love that guy now.
02:31:39.000 Bobby Kelly?
02:31:40.000 Yeah, because I didn't know him up to that point.
02:31:42.000 He's the best.
02:31:43.000 And just a nice guy, you know what I mean? 0.99
02:31:45.000 And of course, I had to fuck with him at the beginning when he wanted to, yeah, can I get a picture? 0.99
02:31:50.000 For what? 0.99
02:31:52.000 You know, we don't know each other, you know?
02:31:54.000 Like, why would you want a picture of us, like in a book?
02:31:57.000 And then I took like 20 of them with him.
02:32:00.000 He loves you. 0.98
02:32:01.000 That show was fucking phenomenal. 0.90
02:32:02.000 And that's going to be basically the same set? 0.97
02:32:05.000 It's more intense than what you saw.
02:32:07.000 But I mean the same material?
02:32:09.000 Yeah, a lot of the same material. 0.98
02:32:10.000 So it's fucking great, great, great stuff. 0.98
02:32:12.000 And like I said, it's old school dice. 0.99
02:32:14.000 It's really like going back to some of your earlier work.
02:32:17.000 Well, it's keeping the voice, like they would say.
02:32:20.000 And just, you know, pounding on people.
02:32:22.000 Aggressive and offensive.
02:32:23.000 Well, yeah, I got pretty aggressive with some guy in the front row that Wanted to talk when I'm filming, and I had to threaten him, but I left it in.
02:32:33.000 Because I know people watching are going to look and go, he's threatening to choke this guy.
02:32:40.000 It was great stuff. 0.93
02:32:41.000 It's great material, and if it's even better than that, then the show that I saw in Vegas is going to be fucking certain.
02:32:46.000 Yeah, because I still had months after you were there, so other bits came up.
02:32:50.000 I appreciate that, man.
02:32:51.000 I really appreciate guys who are disciplined and who really work at stuff and work at putting together a real set.
02:32:55.000 And I know you do.
02:32:56.000 And I love the fact that you're really into doing comedy again.
02:32:59.000 I love the fact that when I talk to you about it, you're all excited about it.
02:33:01.000 You can see it when you're performing.
02:33:02.000 Yeah, I get pumped up when I'm coming to you.
02:33:04.000 It's very fun.
02:33:05.000 Oh, we get pumped up to have you.
02:33:06.000 Follow Dice on Twitter.
02:33:08.000 It's TheRealDiceClay.
02:33:10.000 One word.
02:33:11.000 TheRealDiceClay on Twitter. 0.96
02:33:12.000 Everyone else is a phony.
02:33:14.000 How many phony guys you got on Twitter? 0.99
02:33:15.000 A lot of them.
02:33:16.000 The new site again, what's it called?
02:33:22.000 Andrew Dice Clay Official.
02:33:23.000 Yeah, Andrew Dice Clay Official is my page.
02:33:28.000 Is there another AndrewDiceClay.com?
02:33:30.000 Yeah, there's phonies out there. 0.98
02:33:32.000 That's why it's Andrew Dice Clay Official.
02:33:36.000 But AndrewDiceClay.com, do you own that?
02:33:39.000 You have to?
02:33:39.000 Yeah.
02:33:39.000 Yeah, okay.
02:33:40.000 But official.
02:33:41.000 So if they want to go to your website...
02:33:42.000 There you go.
02:33:43.000 Bam! 0.98
02:33:44.000 Andrew Dice Clay official, and it's the real Andrew...
02:33:47.000 No, the real Dice Clay.
02:33:48.000 The real Dice Clay on Twitter.
02:33:50.000 Is the Twitter.
02:33:50.000 And if you can't find it, just go to my Twitter.
02:33:52.000 I just retweeted it, or I just tweeted it out there.
02:33:56.000 Babe, what's L.A. Rock's Twitter?
02:33:57.000 Do you know?
02:33:59.000 LA Rocks the band. 1.00
02:34:01.000 So go follow those two, you fucks. 1.00
02:34:03.000 Thank you very much, brother. 0.99
02:34:05.000 Thank you.
02:34:05.000 Good luck on New Year's Eve.
02:34:06.000 It's going to be awesome. 0.97
02:34:07.000 Let's all have a happy New Year and kick ass in 2013. And I'm so excited to see you out there. 0.55
02:34:13.000 And I'm bringing you into it.
02:34:15.000 Laying them down again.
02:34:16.000 That's it.
02:34:17.000 All right.
02:34:17.000 Thank you very much, everybody.
02:34:18.000 Thanks for tuning in.
02:34:19.000 Thanks to Onnit for sponsoring the show.
02:34:20.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10% off.
02:34:25.000 Thanks to Desquad.
02:34:27.000 Go to Desquad.tv to find future comedy dates.
02:34:30.000 It's linked to pretty much all of us.
02:34:32.000 And then a t-shirt.
02:34:34.000 And then a Friday show at the Ice House.
02:34:36.000 Yeah, it's 10 o'clock.
02:34:38.000 Tickets are on sale at icehousecomedy.com.
02:34:40.000 Are you allowed to say Doug Benson's name yet?
02:34:41.000 No.
02:34:42.000 All right.
02:34:43.000 So he, Nick Rutherford, Kevin Christie, Tony Hinchcliffe, and we got a couple surprises.
02:34:48.000 A couple surprises that may or may not be Doug Benson.
02:34:50.000 Wait a minute.
02:34:51.000 What do you headline that every Friday?
02:34:52.000 No, no.
02:34:53.000 This Friday I'm in Vegas.
02:34:54.000 I'm doing the UFC in Vegas.
02:34:55.000 But you're always bringing that up.
02:34:57.000 Do you normally do that?
02:34:58.000 Yeah, we do the Ice House all the time.
02:34:59.000 So you gotta let me know.
02:35:00.000 You know, when I'm in town, I'll just come do a set.
02:35:03.000 Come Friday if you want.
02:35:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:35:04.000 We do a podcast Friday.
02:35:05.000 I won't be there, though.
02:35:06.000 No, but you go on stage, right?
02:35:08.000 Yeah, I won't be there this week.
02:35:10.000 No, not this week, but I'm saying I always hear you bring it up.
02:35:13.000 Yeah, we do it a lot of times on weekdays.
02:35:14.000 A lot of Wednesday nights and stuff like that.
02:35:17.000 Cool.
02:35:18.000 But I'll have some other weekends coming up, I think, at the Ice House as well, because I've got a few weeks off in January.
02:35:24.000 I should do a weekend there.
02:35:25.000 I never played it.
02:35:26.000 Yeah, if you ever want to, let me know.
02:35:29.000 It's a beautiful, beautiful...
02:35:30.000 It's like the Comedy Store without all the cuntiness.
02:35:32.000 Everyone's nice there, the owner's sweet, and everybody's really happy to have you there, and the crowds are phenomenal.
02:35:39.000 Pasadena is not like city people.
02:35:41.000 They're a little bit more relaxed. 1.00
02:35:43.000 It's a loose fucking crowd. 0.99
02:35:44.000 They're fun. 0.99
02:35:45.000 One of my favorite places ever. 0.99
02:35:47.000 Yeah, you'd love the shit out of that place. 1.00
02:35:49.000 All right, all right, you fuckers. 1.00
02:35:50.000 We'll see you next week with guests to be named at a future date, but we got a lot of fun people. 0.99
02:35:57.000 We're going to have a good time.
02:35:58.000 Thank you, everybody, for tuning into the podcast.
02:36:00.000 Thanks for all the positive feedback about my comedy special.
02:36:02.000 I appreciate the fuck out of you paying five bucks for it.
02:36:05.000 It's a beautiful thing to get so much support and so much love, and we send it right back at you. 0.99
02:36:10.000 All right, so go fuck yourself, and we'll see you next week. 1.00
02:36:25.000 Thank you. 1.00