The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #317 - David Choe, Yoshi Obayashi

00:00:05.000 We might be too high to talk.

00:00:07.000 I'm pretty high.

00:00:07.000 This is a bad way to start a podcast, but yet we do it this way every time.

00:00:10.000 Do you guys talk about that stuff?

00:00:12.000 Sometimes.

00:00:13.000 It takes about 15 minutes to recover.

00:00:16.000 Like, once the first wave hits you, you have to see once in a while?

00:00:19.000 Yes.

00:00:20.000 And that explains the commercials, kind of.

00:00:22.000 Yes.

00:00:23.000 Yeah, explains why they ramble.

00:00:25.000 Uh...

00:00:26.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you, as always, by Onnit.com.

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00:00:53.000 We're also brought to you today by Hover...

00:00:56.000 And Hover is a domain name company that's owned by the same people that own Ting.

00:01:02.000 And we're big fans of Ting.

00:01:04.000 Ting became one of the few podcast sponsors that we have.

00:01:08.000 And when they told us they were trying to use their non-evil company approach towards domain name sales, we thought that was a great idea.

00:01:19.000 Yoshilovesbananabread.com.

00:01:20.000 Has anybody got that?

00:01:21.000 You know what somebody did?

00:01:22.000 I was joking around one day about suckmycockfatty.com.

00:01:26.000 Somebody took that and registered it and made a mirror of my website.

00:01:30.000 So now if you go to suckmycockfatty.com, it's my website.

00:01:36.000 Which is hilarious.

00:01:38.000 But all that could have been done through Hover.

00:01:40.000 Hover offers a lot of cool software to use, and they offer a lot of cool things that are free, like Whois privacy protection, subdomains, URL forwarding,

00:01:56.000 all that stuff that should be included with domain name management.

00:02:00.000 They include that.

00:02:02.000 That's all free.

00:02:03.000 And I think that's...

00:02:06.000 Just indicative of how they are with Ting and just how they are, period. 1.00

00:02:11.000 If you go to hover.com Rogan...

00:02:13.000 You will get 10% off your domain name registrations. 1.00

00:02:16.000 All right, you dirty bitches. 1.00

00:02:18.000 Listen, Yoshi's here and David Cho's here. 1.00

00:02:21.000 We're going to get freaky with this.

00:02:22.000 Brian has a show Thursday night at the Improv.

00:02:27.000 Who's on that?

00:02:28.000 We got Joey Diaz, Duncan Trussell, Brody Stevens.

00:02:34.000 Oh, we have Yoshi.

00:02:35.000 Yoshi's going to be there.

00:02:37.000 Powerful Yoshi.

00:02:38.000 And we might even have Tiffany Haddish.

00:02:40.000 You guys know his nickname?

00:02:41.000 No, what's his nickname?

00:02:42.000 Yoshi Mill.

00:02:43.000 Oh, no.

00:02:45.000 That's not true.

00:02:46.000 That's his nickname.

00:02:46.000 Oh, my goodness.

00:02:48.000 This Wednesday night, Yoshi will also be with me at the Ice House.

00:02:51.000 The Ice House, Brian will be there as well.

00:02:54.000 Adam Hunter will be there.

00:02:55.000 Ian Edwards will be there.

00:02:58.000 Who else?

00:02:58.000 Is there somebody else going to?

00:03:00.000 I don't remember.

00:03:00.000 Someone else.

00:03:01.000 Yoshi, Ian Edwards. 1.00

00:03:04.000 Whatever, bitch. 1.00

00:03:05.000 Oh, do we see Kate? 1.00

00:03:06.000 No.

00:03:08.000 Why would you do that?

00:03:09.000 I don't know.

00:03:09.000 Why would you make up a famous name?

00:03:10.000 That would be really cool if he came. 1.00

00:03:12.000 You're such a freak. 1.00

00:03:14.000 You're such a mess. 0.99

00:03:15.000 But anyway, that's this Wednesday night, 10 o'clock at the Ice House. 0.99

00:03:19.000 Someone else is coming, goddammit. 0.98

00:03:21.000 I can't fucking remember who it is. 0.99

00:03:24.000 Tony Henscliffe? 0.99

00:03:25.000 No, no.

00:03:26.000 I don't know.

00:03:26.000 Well, I can't remember it.

00:03:27.000 So just cue the music and rescue me.

00:03:34.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:03:43.000 It's not official until the music starts.

00:03:48.000 Who did that song? 1.00

00:03:49.000 Brian did it.

00:03:50.000 All himself. 1.00

00:03:51.000 He's a fucking master. 1.00

00:03:53.000 He's a garage band master. 1.00

00:03:55.000 It sucks because I hear it all the time in stupid TV shows and commercials now, like one of the riffs in that song. 1.00

00:04:01.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:04:01.000 Yeah, and it's just like, ugh! 1.00

00:04:02.000 What, because it's a GarageBand riff?

00:04:04.000 Yeah, there's parts of it that are just straight up from GarageBand.

00:04:07.000 I tweaked a little bit.

00:04:10.000 Yoshi.

00:04:11.000 Meo.

00:04:12.000 Our friend Yoshi is here.

00:04:14.000 Hey, Joe.

00:04:15.000 What's up, Yoshi?

00:04:16.000 Good.

00:04:16.000 And he brought his friend David Cho.

00:04:18.000 Who insists on relentlessly torturing Yoshi about his nickname.

00:04:27.000 This is a strange nickname, Yosh.

00:04:29.000 Yoshimail? 0.93

00:04:30.000 Yes.

00:04:31.000 Why would they call you that?

00:04:34.000 Is there a story to go with this?

00:04:36.000 Well, for people who do know Yoshi, they know that he used to work in the porn business, and his currency was porn.

00:04:43.000 Like, if he needed to get tickets to something, like, Yoshi knows a lot of athletes and rock stars and whatever, and he's like, hey, you guys want some porn?

00:04:51.000 And he's always there with a box of porn. 0.65

00:04:55.000 And if you've gotten a box of porn from Yoshi, you know that sometimes he hides some shemale porn in there. 0.98

00:05:01.000 You know? 0.98

00:05:03.000 That's true.

00:05:03.000 Do you hide it in there?

00:05:05.000 Is it like your way of just like letting people get a hold of it so like people who wouldn't ordinarily watch it were like, well, fuck it. 0.98

00:05:11.000 I got the DVD. No one's here but me. 0.97

00:05:13.000 Let's just throw this on.

00:05:14.000 Is that what you're trying to do?

00:05:15.000 I'm trying to figure out what they're into.

00:05:17.000 He likes to make people uncomfortable.

00:05:21.000 No, but you know what?

00:05:22.000 Sometimes, even when they're angry, I could tell you it's a fake angry and they really liked it.

00:05:25.000 Ooh, really?

00:05:26.000 It'd be interesting if you could have a camera set up to see how long they watched it before they turned it off.

00:05:32.000 They're like, this is disgusting!

00:05:34.000 Get the lube out. 1.00

00:05:35.000 They did a study a while back where they took men who were homophobic and they showed them images of gay guys having sex and they showed arousal. 0.99

00:05:47.000 Oh, I heard the opposite. 0.92

00:05:49.000 I heard that they got a flight or fight kind of response.

00:05:53.000 They get really aggressive and angry.

00:05:56.000 Really? 0.98

00:05:57.000 What I read was that it was penile arousal was the word. 0.98

00:06:00.000 There was a recognized arousal in the males that were especially homophobic. 0.98

00:06:09.000 Especially angry about gay people, it's much more common for them to actually be fighting off gay thoughts. 0.99

00:06:14.000 Like Yoshi gets aroused thinking about a straight male watching shemale porn. 0.99

00:06:19.000 Where did that come from? 0.98

00:06:22.000 Joe, by the way, don't believe everything he says.

00:06:25.000 You tell me if I'm lying then. 0.93

00:06:28.000 So Yoshi, you know, everyone here watches porn. 1.00

00:06:32.000 You watch, you jerk off to it. 1.00

00:06:34.000 But this was this guy's life. 0.99

00:06:36.000 So what gets this guy hard?

00:06:40.000 A guy who, like a 9 to 5 job, watches porn from morning till night. 1.00

00:06:44.000 Just asses, dicks, penises, and pussies just smashing together over and over and over again. 1.00

00:06:51.000 And a lot of the times when I used to call him, I'm like, hey, you want to go get dinner or something? 1.00

00:06:55.000 He'd be like, no, I got to finish this tranny porn. 1.00

00:06:59.000 And I always thought he was just fucking with me. 0.99

00:07:02.000 But then he's like, it's not this niche thing. 0.99

00:07:04.000 It's huge.

00:07:05.000 It's our number one seller, and it always has been.

00:07:07.000 What?

00:07:08.000 Yeah.

00:07:09.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:07:11.000 That's what I say.

00:07:12.000 Is this something that people weren't... 1.00

00:07:15.000 Black tranny porn is the hottest thing. 0.99

00:07:17.000 Is this like the biggest underground story ever? 1.00

00:07:21.000 It's huge and untalked about.

00:07:23.000 That's crazy!

00:07:24.000 The number one seller.

00:07:25.000 Even when I work at a retail seller in Seattle, we have a booth and at the end of the month we do a tally of which movies sold the most. 0.98

00:07:33.000 Top ten, it's always a combination of gay or tranny. 1.00

00:07:37.000 Whoa, that's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:07:41.000 Is there a lack of that? 0.98

00:07:44.000 Well, there's not a lack of that stuff on the internet.

00:07:46.000 It's not like they would have to purchase it.

00:07:47.000 Like, why are they purchasing that more than anything else?

00:07:50.000 Is that what the demand is?

00:07:52.000 Demand is massive.

00:07:54.000 How many undercover, trainee, loving dudes are there out there?

00:07:57.000 What do you think it is?

00:07:58.000 Because this is what I think it is.

00:08:00.000 It's so easy.

00:08:02.000 By the way, it really shocked me that we started a whole podcast with Tranny.

00:08:06.000 What?

00:08:07.000 Oh, it's shocking to you?

00:08:08.000 Alright, go ahead.

00:08:09.000 Why not?

00:08:10.000 Why is it shocking to you?

00:08:11.000 Yoshima.

00:08:11.000 No, I thought we were going to talk about you.

00:08:13.000 No, let's talk about you. 1.00

00:08:14.000 We're talking about life, bitch. 1.00

00:08:15.000 Yeah, we're talking about you. 1.00

00:08:16.000 Don't worry about it.

00:08:17.000 Alright.

00:08:17.000 So, what is your thought?

00:08:18.000 My thing is, it's just, you know, if you think of the things that we used to have to jack off to, you know, we're a bit older, like... 0.96

00:08:25.000 The Sears catalog, and it was just, you know, if there was someone at your school that had got a blowjob, like, they were, like, the hero. 0.82

00:08:31.000 You know, it's like... 0.96

00:08:32.000 Right, yeah. 0.99

00:08:32.000 Like, now, like, eight-year-old kids are giving each other blowjobs, you know? 0.99

00:08:36.000 It's true, it's true. 0.99

00:08:37.000 Are we talking about Jim Norton?

00:08:38.000 All right, go ahead.

00:08:39.000 No, I'm like, Yoshi's a... 0.99

00:08:42.000 A grown-up adult male that watches porn all day, but think about a regular kid who just discovered the internet and his first boner. 1.00

00:08:50.000 He can already watch anal and everything. 1.00

00:08:52.000 So I think you do anal, you get blowjobs, you have sex with your girlfriend, and you're like 16 and you've already seen and done everything. 1.00

00:09:00.000 You're like, what's the next thing? 1.00

00:09:02.000 That's what I think.

00:09:03.000 I don't know.

00:09:04.000 I might be wrong on that, but once...

00:09:08.000 I don't know.

00:09:09.000 You're in that business.

00:09:11.000 Why do you think it's such a huge thing?

00:09:14.000 I have a friend in Boston, professor of evolution and biology, but he did like a research, like full, very popular body parts and internet search.

00:09:25.000 This is according to 100 million research. 0.96

00:09:27.000 Obvious one, tits, ass, feet, and penis, according to the 100 million research by men. 0.99

00:09:35.000 And according to my friend, it's because we're interested in all the different sexual cues. 1.00

00:09:39.000 It doesn't make you a gay person.

00:09:41.000 I think it's part of our competitiveness. 0.99

00:09:44.000 Like guys, urinating in the bathroom, kind of look over a guy's penis. 0.99

00:09:47.000 It's not a gay thing, I don't think. 0.97

00:09:49.000 Well, I think part of the idea is also that a lot of people have these sexual thoughts about men because they were imprinted with some sort of sexual experience by a man when they were young.

00:10:01.000 Whether it was molestation or something like that, whatever it is.

00:10:04.000 They had some weirdness that happened with another boy. 0.99

00:10:07.000 And because of that, even though they don't have homosexual thoughts, they're not homosexual, they can still get aroused by the idea of men or by the idea of doing something that you're not supposed to do, like looking at a guy's cock. 0.99

00:10:20.000 If you fuck a shemale, is that gay? 1.00

00:10:22.000 Yes. 1.00

00:10:23.000 Check this one out, Jeff. 1.00

00:10:24.000 It's not as gay as fucking a bear. 1.00

00:10:25.000 If you jerk off to a shemale porno, is that gay? 1.00

00:10:28.000 Check this out. 1.00

00:10:28.000 Uh, no. 1.00

00:10:30.000 No.

00:10:30.000 No, but it's questionable.

00:10:32.000 What is that?

00:10:32.000 What are you showing me?

00:10:33.000 AVN, there was a ton of these guys where they looked like a normal guy, but they had the nicest tits in the whole entire world. 1.00

00:10:39.000 What? 1.00

00:10:40.000 And so, like, they would pull out their tits for girls so that they could just suck on them. 1.00

00:10:43.000 It looks like a guy. 1.00

00:10:44.000 That totally looks like an older actor guy. 0.98

00:10:49.000 Yeah, like a regular looking dude with huge titties. 0.98

00:10:52.000 That's so strange. 0.97

00:10:53.000 But they were everywhere.

00:10:54.000 They had just normal looking blonde hair guys.

00:10:56.000 Like a Dylan McDermott. 1.00

00:10:57.000 It's like Dylan McDermott with giant tits. 1.00

00:10:59.000 That was Amazing Kathy is the name of that person. 0.99

00:11:01.000 That's so weird.

00:11:02.000 What is that?

00:11:03.000 Is that a new look?

00:11:04.000 Yeah, there's another one like Danny...

00:11:07.000 I forget his name.

00:11:10.000 Do you know who I'm talking about, Yoshi?

00:11:11.000 He's a short blonde hair guy.

00:11:13.000 Yeah, I don't remember the last name.

00:11:13.000 Danny something.

00:11:15.000 He was another one.

00:11:16.000 Short blonde hair.

00:11:17.000 Oh, that reminds me, Joe.

00:11:18.000 I got you a present when I was in AV and I brought it for you.

00:11:20.000 It kind of fits this conversation, too. 1.00

00:11:23.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:11:24.000 What do you have? 1.00

00:11:25.000 You can frame it, maybe.

00:11:28.000 Frame it?

00:11:28.000 Yeah.

00:11:31.000 I'm scared to open this.

00:11:35.000 What is it? 1.00

00:11:36.000 It's dudes with their hard dicks in their pants. 1.00

00:11:39.000 Oh, let me see. 1.00

00:11:39.000 You think you're funny? 1.00

00:11:40.000 Is that what's supposed to be funny? 0.92

00:11:42.000 Maybe they're boners to get through their underwear. 0.97

00:11:44.000 You paid money for this.

00:11:45.000 You really wanted this.

00:11:47.000 This is one of those things.

00:11:48.000 Oh, well, if you don't want it, I'll take it.

00:11:51.000 I bought it for you really drunk the next day.

00:11:54.000 I was like, why did I buy this for Joe? 1.00

00:11:56.000 You're a silly bitch. 1.00

00:11:57.000 That's why. 1.00

00:11:58.000 But it's good artwork.

00:11:59.000 He was aroused by it.

00:12:00.000 Yeah, he was aroused by it.

00:12:01.000 I guess he was.

00:12:01.000 I got a little tingle right there looking at it.

00:12:04.000 He really wanted it for himself, but while he was purchasing, he's like, this is for my friend Joe, so it takes the gayness away from him. 0.80

00:12:11.000 Yeah, if you're gay and you saw that, you'd be psyched. 0.99

00:12:14.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:12:15.000 I thought it was funny. 1.00

00:12:17.000 I thought it was like that gangster fag shit back in the day. 1.00

00:12:19.000 I thought Joe would think this was hilarious. 0.99

00:12:21.000 Yeah, do you remember that? 0.99

00:12:21.000 There was a rapper named Gangsta Fag, and he had all these gangster rap songs about having sex with dudes. 0.99

00:12:28.000 This shit's huge too. 1.00

00:12:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:30.000 In New York, have you seen it?

00:12:31.000 No.

00:12:32.000 It's big now.

00:12:32.000 Yeah, it's like super hardcore gangsters, but then...

00:12:36.000 And they look like gangsters, but they wear pink.

00:12:39.000 What?

00:12:40.000 I forgot what the movement is called, but you see it a lot in New York.

00:12:43.000 Wow. 0.99

00:12:44.000 It's like they're on the subway just making out, and they're like, what the fuck are you looking at? 1.00

00:12:47.000 That kind of shit. 1.00

00:12:49.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:12:50.000 Gangster gay people. 1.00

00:12:51.000 I like it. 1.00

00:12:52.000 I'm into it.

00:12:53.000 Yeah.

00:12:53.000 Look, we need another wrinkle in this society.

00:12:55.000 There it is.

00:13:02.000 Yeah.

00:13:03.000 What we're looking at for the folks listening on iTunes, it's a famous photo of two Latino gentlemen with gang-like tattoos and they're in the tub together naked. 0.99

00:13:15.000 No biggie. 0.82

00:13:17.000 Totally not gay. 0.95

00:13:19.000 Apparently that's in the Latino community in prison. 0.53

00:13:22.000 It's a big thing. 0.99

00:13:24.000 It's gay for the stay. 1.00

00:13:25.000 Gay for the stay. 0.99

00:13:26.000 Yeah, that a lot of dudes, they go gay when they're inside. 0.99

00:13:29.000 And then when they get outside, it's like, just shut up about it. 0.99

00:13:33.000 Wow. 0.66

00:13:34.000 Yeah.

00:13:34.000 Well, I want to ask you about that because you do all the UFC stuff.

00:13:38.000 Like sometimes, you know, okay, so UFC starts, right?

00:13:42.000 And there was like Tank Abbott.

00:13:43.000 There was like...

00:13:44.000 It was more like Street Fighter back then.

00:13:45.000 There was like a sumo guy with like a boxer.

00:13:48.000 And then at some point, it all went straight to like grappling, right?

00:13:51.000 Right.

00:13:52.000 So on any given UFC fight, if you just walk into the room while the fight's playing, most of the fights end up on the floor, right?

00:14:00.000 A lot of them do, yeah.

00:14:01.000 Less now, I think, than more recently.

00:14:04.000 Right.

00:14:04.000 And then they're wearing the tight short shorts with the boner bulges.

00:14:09.000 And there's a lot of 69 going on. 0.96

00:14:12.000 There's a lot of head to crotch grinding.

00:14:15.000 It looks very homoerotic.

00:14:17.000 If you were into gay dudes, and if you were into dudes, especially if you were into athletic dudes, I would totally see how you could see two men grappling, especially bare chest to bare chest, as being homoerotic. 0.98

00:14:32.000 It's really based upon your sexual preference.

00:14:36.000 If you're into that, yeah, you would think that's homoerotic. 1.00

00:14:40.000 But if you're not, it's not.

00:14:42.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:14:42.000 If you're not gay, it's just two dudes fighting. 0.98

00:14:44.000 But if you are gay, you'd be psyched. 0.98

00:14:47.000 Maybe you could enjoy it on another level. 0.89

00:14:49.000 It would be not just fighting, but fighting with two hot dudes that you're really getting excited by.

00:14:55.000 So you're getting excited by the fight itself, and then you get excited by the fact... 1.00

00:14:59.000 That you would like to suck both their cocks after it's over. 1.00

00:15:02.000 To thank them for the show. 1.00

00:15:04.000 Yeah, I mean, you know sometimes when... 0.98

00:15:06.000 You know this move at the strip club when you go and the girl gives you a simulated blowjob like she's blowing you but she uses the top of her head? 0.99

00:15:13.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:15:14.000 I've seen that in a UFC move. 0.88

00:15:16.000 The guy's grinding his forehead on the guy's crotch. 1.00

00:15:18.000 I'm like, oh fuck, a stripper just did that to me. 1.00

00:15:20.000 Ah! 1.00

00:15:22.000 The head job.

00:15:23.000 You wouldn't want that if you had a big hard cup on though.

00:15:26.000 It doesn't feel as good.

00:15:28.000 You want like sweatpants.

00:15:30.000 That's true.

00:15:31.000 I knew a dude who used to take those nylon sweatpants.

00:15:36.000 You know the nylon sweatpants that dudes used to wear?

00:15:38.000 The joggers back in the 90s. 1.00

00:15:40.000 Remember those blue nylon sweatpants people used to wear?

00:15:43.000 He took those and he sanded it with a thousand grit sandpaper in the crotch.

00:15:48.000 He would get it like he could hold it up to the light and see his fingers.

00:15:52.000 And then he would squirt lube. 1.00

00:15:54.000 He'd shave his cock and balls. 1.00

00:15:56.000 Complete shave. 1.00

00:15:57.000 I like where this story's going.

00:15:58.000 Squirt lube all over himself.

00:16:01.000 Put his sweatpants on.

00:16:02.000 And then he would go to this trip club.

00:16:03.000 And it was called shooting.

00:16:05.000 He would go shooting. 0.95

00:16:07.000 And the girls would sit on him and give him a lap dance and essentially he was wearing a condom. 0.99

00:16:11.000 Wow, this is way, way fucking advanced. 0.97

00:16:15.000 Like I said, that's pretty clever. 0.79

00:16:17.000 He's a very smart guy.

00:16:19.000 I mean I used to live at the strip club pretty much in Vegas and Nobody figured that out there?

00:16:23.000 Yeah, like me and my friend Harry, when we'd go, we'd take our jeans off and put on sweatpants.

00:16:30.000 Someone new to our group would be like, what are you guys doing?

00:16:32.000 We're like, dude, we're about to get lap dances.

00:16:33.000 But this takes that to a whole other level, man.

00:16:36.000 Yeah, this dude brought out sandpaper. 0.97

00:16:39.000 That's fucking awesome. 0.99

00:16:40.000 He brought out sandpaper to the point where the shit was like almost transparent. 0.99

00:16:43.000 He was using like 1500 grit, which is like what you would use to gently clean off the shaft of a pool cue. 0.98

00:16:50.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:16:51.000 That kind of dust, just a slight level of This is amazing.

00:16:56.000 This is so amazing. 0.99

00:16:58.000 And he wore that shit down where he could get his fingers so he could see his fingers in the light, and that's what he knew. 0.99

00:17:02.000 It was technically still closed. 0.99

00:17:04.000 Was this guy's name happen to be Yoshi?

00:17:07.000 No!

00:17:09.000 I'm not that clever.

00:17:10.000 This guy was a very smart dude.

00:17:12.000 I won't give his name out. 1.00

00:17:14.000 But he was like, and it's imperative that you shave the cock and balls. 0.99

00:17:18.000 He goes, you want to have no hair, no hair anywhere. 0.99

00:17:20.000 He had like a whole technique to everything.

00:17:22.000 That's fantastic.

00:17:23.000 And then he was like, then you go Astro Glide. 0.99

00:17:24.000 But then one time, I guess he put on too much Astro Glide, and a girl got on his lap, and she goes, what the fuck? 0.99

00:17:31.000 Right. 1.00

00:17:32.000 The fuck is this? 0.99

00:17:33.000 And he was like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry. 1.00

00:17:35.000 She goes, what are you doing?

00:17:36.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:17:38.000 He goes, I couldn't believe it.

00:17:39.000 I just ran out of there.

00:17:41.000 He got caught.

00:17:42.000 He was horrified.

00:17:43.000 Well, you know, he basically took it too far.

00:17:46.000 Yeah.

00:17:46.000 He wasn't, you know, if you're just wearing the nylon pants and you got the lube on underneath, and you really probably can't tell at first, but he, like, had a puddle in his pants.

00:17:56.000 Wow.

00:17:56.000 He tried to get crafty.

00:17:58.000 They should make a monument to this guy at every strip club.

00:18:02.000 Well, for a long time, he had his own business, and he was really dedicated to his business.

00:18:07.000 Sandpaper business.

00:18:10.000 He was selling shooting pants.

00:18:13.000 He had this business, and so he didn't have any time for dating. 0.98

00:18:17.000 So what he would do is he would go and work all fucking day on his own business. 0.96

00:18:21.000 Then he would eat dinner, he would order takeout, Then he would go to the strip club in his shooting pants, and he would get one off, and then he'd go back home. 0.99

00:18:31.000 And that's what he would do.

00:18:32.000 Every day.

00:18:33.000 Whenever he wanted to.

00:18:34.000 Whenever he wanted to.

00:18:34.000 And that was how he avoided relationships for the longest time.

00:18:37.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:18:38.000 He would just go shooting. 1.00

00:18:39.000 Because he was just... 1.00

00:18:39.000 He had a few bad relationships, and he got fucked over by a few chicks. 1.00

00:18:44.000 He was in his 30s. 0.99

00:18:46.000 Smart guy.

00:18:47.000 And he just was like...

00:18:48.000 He was very logical to his approach to solving problems.

00:18:51.000 Where is he at now?

00:18:52.000 I haven't talked to him in a long time.

00:18:54.000 I don't know.

00:18:54.000 Can I ask you a question?

00:18:55.000 Sure.

00:18:56.000 So I just walked in here and you guys have all these Sex at Dawn books.

00:18:59.000 And I read that too because I'm interested in human sexuality and all that stuff.

00:19:03.000 Especially the female stuff. 1.00

00:19:06.000 So when I look at you, I see like...

00:19:09.000 The last of a dying breed of man, sort of like the intellectual jock. 0.96

00:19:15.000 You're a pretty big guy that can beat the shit out of people, but you're also well-read and intelligent.

00:19:21.000 So what is your whole take on all this? 0.98

00:19:24.000 Are you married?

00:19:25.000 Do you have a girlfriend?

00:19:25.000 Yeah, I'm married.

00:19:26.000 Oh, you are?

00:19:26.000 I'm married.

00:19:27.000 I have kids and everything.

00:19:29.000 I have the whole deal. 1.00

00:19:30.000 Damn. 0.99

00:19:31.000 You know, it is crazy. 0.99

00:19:33.000 Like recently or for a long time?

00:19:35.000 I've been married for quite a few years now.

00:19:37.000 But for me, the difference that happens when you have kids is so hard to wrap your head around for anybody that's not married and doesn't have kids.

00:19:50.000 Once you have a little you, a little Dave running around, the love that you have for them is...

00:19:55.000 So, it's really, you could never imagine that it would even be possible. 0.97

00:19:59.000 So, it's a real mindfuck. 0.86

00:20:01.000 How old are your kids? 0.99

00:20:02.000 I have a 16-year-old stepdaughter, I have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old.

00:20:08.000 The 4 is almost 5, the 2 is almost 3. That's pretty me, Joe.

00:20:12.000 Unbelievably fascinating.

00:20:14.000 And Cupcake over here. 0.96

00:20:15.000 And me.

00:20:15.000 So when I hear you're like, okay, here's the married path with kids, and then here's the other path with the shooting pants.

00:20:23.000 I aim more towards the shooting pants.

00:20:26.000 You know what, man?

00:20:27.000 Shooting pants, the whole deal is finding a compatible person. 1.00

00:20:31.000 If you don't find a compatible person, you find someone who wants to fight all the time, find someone who wants to test you, find someone who's not at peace themselves, you're gonna have fucking problems. 0.98

00:20:41.000 Because you can always find something wrong with people. 0.99

00:20:43.000 Yeah, but as a man who probably gets hit on by chicks all the time, those fucking ring girls are super smoking hot. 1.00

00:20:51.000 I mean, how do you deal with that? 1.00

00:20:52.000 Just jerk off, keep it together, do your best. 1.00

00:20:56.000 I know a great guy that has an immense collection of shemale porn that I could hook you up with. 1.00

00:21:04.000 The idea of carrying hard porn is so ridiculous these days with all the websites. 0.92

00:21:09.000 Does the industry frown upon the websites? 0.65

00:21:12.000 Do they look at it the way other people look at stealing?

00:21:16.000 Do you know that they still print video cassettes?

00:21:23.000 VHS? I don't know anyone who buys porn, except for myself.

00:21:26.000 But in general, I don't know one person who ever buys pornography, like DVDs, or even has a porn pass or any of that stuff.

00:21:34.000 And so Yoshi educated me that he said that the thing that keeps this business alive is people like...

00:21:43.000 50 and over. 0.92

00:21:44.000 Old perverts, yeah.

00:21:45.000 They're scared to use computers, so they still go to the store and they buy DVDs and VHS tapes. 0.86

00:21:50.000 Yeah.

00:21:51.000 And then once they're dead, then this business will be dead. 0.99

00:21:54.000 So the old perverts who just stuck with their ways. 1.00

00:21:57.000 Yeah. 0.86

00:21:57.000 They have this way. 0.86

00:21:59.000 They like the remote control.

00:22:00.000 They like to be able to sit there on the bed.

00:22:02.000 They're also afraid the government might get them.

00:22:05.000 They're probably right.

00:22:06.000 You know, because...

00:22:07.000 There's no...

00:22:08.000 You know, there's nothing of it on their computer.

00:22:10.000 Mm-hmm.

00:22:11.000 So...

00:22:12.000 Because you're trusting the companies that every one of those girls are 18 and older. 0.79

00:22:17.000 It's a funny thing, man.

00:22:18.000 But if someone who's in a high position of power, like say a political person, and they found that they had tranny porn at their house, even though it's totally legal, and even though you're saying it's the biggest market, so it represents a lot of human beings that are into that stuff, 0.89

00:22:34.000 you'd be done.

00:22:35.000 Right.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:22:37.000 How weird is that? 0.99

00:22:38.000 How weird is it that we give a fuck about... 0.96

00:22:40.000 Like, Jimmy Norton is a very good friend of mine. 0.95

00:22:43.000 I love that dude.

00:22:44.000 Oh, I love that guy. 1.00

00:22:44.000 I don't care that he jerks off to trannies at all. 1.00

00:22:47.000 It doesn't bother me that he's had tranny experiences. 1.00

00:22:50.000 It's hilarious.

00:22:51.000 When he tells you about it, like, the fact that you would judge what tweaks someone sexually...

00:22:56.000 The heart wants what the heart wants.

00:22:58.000 Exactly.

00:22:58.000 But it's complete, like, that's a weird sort of homophobia that's still accepted.

00:23:03.000 It's a weird sort of prejudice that's still accepted. 1.00

00:23:07.000 Your sexual preference, even if you're a nice person, even if you're nice and you're intelligent, we'll judge you based on whether or not you jerk off to dudes with dicks, or dudes who look like chicks with dicks. 0.99

00:23:18.000 I remember even in the late 80s, the store owner didn't want to have interracial tapes, thinking most of the customers in Seattle would hate it. 0.99

00:23:26.000 But the reaction once we got the interracial stuff is opposite.

00:23:30.000 It's always the white doctors, white lawyers, white CPA. Yeah. 0.67

00:23:34.000 You know, so... 0.99

00:23:35.000 Well, the disproportionate amount of interracial porn is sold in the Deep South. 0.91

00:23:40.000 Oh, Utah is like number one porn market. 0.99

00:23:42.000 It's white dudes. 1.00

00:23:43.000 White dudes watching black guys fuck white girls. 1.00

00:23:47.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:23:48.000 The cuckold films. 1.00

00:23:50.000 Yeah, those are weird.

00:23:52.000 That's something I didn't see coming.

00:23:53.000 The cuckold market. 0.98

00:23:56.000 Folks, if you're normal and you're listening to this and you're not all fucked up in the head like us where we can just say cuckold and no one has to worry whether or not anybody understands what it means... 1.00

00:24:06.000 Apparently there's a group of dudes who like watching other guys fuck their women. 1.00

00:24:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:13.000 And they like, especially like big black guys to fuck their women. 1.00

00:24:16.000 What is it called? 1.00

00:24:17.000 The Mandingo Club or something?

00:24:19.000 And there's a lot.

00:24:20.000 They bring like seven Mandingos. 1.00

00:24:22.000 It's like just this black crew of guys with dicks. 1.00

00:24:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:27.000 You know, over 12 inches.

00:24:28.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:24:29.000 And they just come and they like, fuck this shit up. 1.00

00:24:31.000 Over 12 inches. 1.00

00:24:33.000 Just stop and think about that.

00:24:34.000 It's not just one dude. 0.98

00:24:36.000 There's like many guys with dicks over 12 inches out there. 0.99

00:24:39.000 It's like a horse race. 0.96

00:24:40.000 I think the Vice guys made an awesome documentary about it.

00:24:44.000 Really? 0.99

00:24:45.000 About dudes with big dicks? 1.00

00:24:46.000 No, it's just specifically about the cuckold stuff. 1.00

00:24:49.000 It's cuckold from mandingos.

00:24:51.000 Like, it's a mandingo... 0.99

00:24:53.000 I didn't even know that was a...

00:24:56.000 I thought Mandingo was just the name of a porn star, but I guess it's a whole movement.

00:25:00.000 I think the slave owners had a one-prize black guy in each farm, and I think they call him Mandingo. 0.96

00:25:08.000 I think that's where it started.

00:25:09.000 Really?

00:25:10.000 Yeah, so you can go to this and get your wife Mandingo'd. 1.00

00:25:12.000 Oh my god, that's fucking insane. 0.99

00:25:16.000 You're thinking about it? 1.00

00:25:17.000 No.

00:25:19.000 I don't think Mrs. Rogan would appreciate that. 0.99

00:25:22.000 She probably would, and I don't want to know.

00:25:24.000 That's really what it's about.

00:25:26.000 I see Joe going to one of those parties where you are wearing masks.

00:25:28.000 Oh yeah, but I wear a Batman mask. 1.00

00:25:31.000 I'm not wearing that white porcelain bullshit. 0.99

00:25:33.000 If you make me wear a mask, I'm going to be Batman. 1.00

00:25:36.000 But when I did Dave's show, we were talking about Dave Attell's porn show. 0.94

00:25:41.000 Dave's old porn.

00:25:42.000 Thanks for doing that, by the way. 0.70

00:25:43.000 It was fun.

00:25:43.000 It was a lot of fun.

00:25:44.000 Yosh works on that show. 0.99

00:25:45.000 But when I did it and we were looking at John Holmes, his dick ain't even big by today's standards. 0.99

00:25:51.000 It's kind of crazy. 1.00

00:25:52.000 He was the guy who had the big giant cock, but now there's so many black guys with dicks way bigger than John Holmes. 1.00

00:25:59.000 Well, they weren't allowed into porn back then, that's why. 1.00

00:26:02.000 Is that what it is?

00:26:03.000 I think so.

00:26:04.000 Yeah, I imagine so. 1.00

00:26:05.000 People had to get tired of white people fucking white women, where they're like, listen, we got a million videos of white girls getting fucked by white guys with three-quarter hard dicks, okay? 1.00

00:26:15.000 Can we bring in some brothers? 1.00

00:26:17.000 And then they're like, okay, we'll just try this out and see how it works.

00:26:20.000 Boom, smash hit. 1.00

00:26:22.000 Big black dudes with giant dicks fucking white girls, and just... 1.00

00:26:26.000 And for girls, that's part of their currency, right? 1.00

00:26:29.000 That they haven't had interracially.

00:26:31.000 That helps them sell in a lot of markets, right?

00:26:34.000 Yeah, for a lot of the stars, their manager would tell them, don't do it.

00:26:39.000 Don't do interracial. 1.00

00:26:40.000 Because you could charge more money.

00:26:41.000 I've talked extensively.

00:26:42.000 I just started my podcast with Asa Akira, who just won 2012. What is the podcast called?

00:26:48.000 Alright, so just for the same audience out there that doesn't know what cuckold is...

00:26:53.000 The name of the podcast is DVDASA, and all the podcasts are at DVDASA.com.

00:27:00.000 But basically, this is pretty much all I talked to also about, because I was like, is that true? 0.99

00:27:05.000 When you fuck a black dude, then your rate goes down. 1.00

00:27:07.000 And that was actually sort of a myth. 1.00

00:27:09.000 But the shit now... 0.99

00:27:11.000 So DVD, ASA stands for Double Vag, Double Anal, Sensitive Artist. 0.99

00:27:20.000 And Asa always gets pissed because she's like, Dave, get it straight. 1.00

00:27:24.000 I didn't do DVDA. Because if you do DVDA, then it's four dicks at the same time. 0.99

00:27:28.000 She said, I did DV... Break, and then at another time I did DA. So that's two dicks in your ass at once, and it's like, you know, it's... 0.95

00:27:38.000 That's medically dangerous. 1.00

00:27:40.000 I mean, she can't sit for like a week after that. 0.91

00:27:43.000 I mean, it's like...

00:27:44.000 Really?

00:27:44.000 Yeah, it's like we just grilled her about this.

00:27:47.000 And the thing is...

00:27:48.000 Why does she do that? 1.00

00:27:49.000 She's a little, you know... 0.91

00:27:50.000 She's 5'2".

00:27:52.000 Yeah, there's like... 0.98

00:27:54.000 Yoshi knows more about porn than I do, but for what I know, most of the girls that do this are usually like ugly and no-name porn stars. 1.00

00:28:02.000 So for someone like Asa who has a huge name to do it, it's like, whoa, like... 0.92

00:28:07.000 And she's tiny, you know?

00:28:08.000 Why is she doing it? 0.99

00:28:09.000 Because it's, well...

00:28:10.000 Check out Insatiable 2, Joe.

00:28:12.000 You'll explain it to me.

00:28:14.000 I went with her to the Porn Awards. 0.69

00:28:18.000 I went with her to the Porn Awards last year, and she won Best Anal, Best Double Penetration, two years in a row.

00:28:26.000 So I was like, you know, after the thing, you know, it was a...

00:28:30.000 It's a weird thing to celebrate, you know?

00:28:32.000 Right. 0.97

00:28:32.000 Because it's like you're the best butt-fucky. 0.97

00:28:34.000 Right. 0.99

00:28:35.000 You got butt-fucked the best out of anyone this year. 0.98

00:28:38.000 Right. 0.99

00:28:39.000 You got penetrated twice. 0.58

00:28:40.000 Oh, my God. 0.97

00:28:40.000 I'm so happy for you. 0.97

00:28:42.000 Yeah.

00:28:42.000 Oh, my God.

00:28:43.000 You won the award.

00:28:44.000 That's amazing.

00:28:44.000 Yeah.

00:28:45.000 But, you know, I love her.

00:28:46.000 So I'm like sitting there and I think I'm just like...

00:28:49.000 There's not a huge...

00:28:53.000 Success rate for porn stars after porn, right?

00:28:57.000 It's like you either got to bag a rich dude or you got to get out before it just completely destroys your soul.

00:29:02.000 Too late.

00:29:04.000 I mean...

00:29:05.000 Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.

00:29:07.000 Isn't there a documentary about it?

00:29:08.000 Life After Porn.

00:29:09.000 Life After Porn?

00:29:09.000 Yeah.

00:29:10.000 How is that?

00:29:10.000 I just saw the first 20 minutes and it was like super sad and I was like...

00:29:16.000 Yeah.

00:29:17.000 And I was like, you're at the top right now. 1.00

00:29:19.000 You won the fucking... 0.99

00:29:20.000 She was walking out of here like this with, like, all the awards. 1.00

00:29:22.000 I was like, you won everything this year and last year.

00:29:25.000 Right. 1.00

00:29:26.000 And, like, you fucking... 1.00

00:29:27.000 You trying to tell her to quit? 1.00

00:29:30.000 I'm not trying to tell her to quit, but, like, start... 1.00

00:29:32.000 Like, if a porn star won Performer of the Year, like, 10 years ago, that means she was, like, really sexy and, like, did sexy shit. 0.99

00:29:40.000 Like... 1.00

00:29:40.000 If you win Performer of the Year now, in 2012, 2013, that means you took dicks, like, brutally. 1.00

00:29:47.000 Like, you were slant, like a fucking bag of dicks. 1.00

00:29:50.000 And they're giving them awards and saying, good job. 1.00

00:29:53.000 And so these girls are working towards these awards. 1.00

00:29:56.000 You watch these?

00:29:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:57.000 Don't they look like snuff films?

00:29:59.000 Yeah, they are.

00:29:59.000 They're, like, getting dragged across the ground and thrown against the wall.

00:30:02.000 And, like, it's like caveman shit. 0.98

00:30:03.000 Yeah, if you check out Insatiable, which I think she's not going to do any more Insatiables. 0.99

00:30:08.000 As an example, Insatiable, she's getting dragged by her hair down there and just pretty much gagged. 1.00

00:30:13.000 I mean, it does look like a snuff. 0.96

00:30:15.000 It looks like rape or something. 0.98

00:30:16.000 It's horrible.

00:30:17.000 Why are people into that?

00:30:18.000 Because that's what people want. 0.99

00:30:19.000 There's two things people want now, like shit like that or parodies. 0.99

00:30:23.000 It's a thing with the shemale stuff. 0.99

00:30:25.000 It's like, they've already seen everything.

00:30:26.000 What's the next thing?

00:30:28.000 So I said, what is next? 1.00

00:30:29.000 Are you going to have to fuck animals? 1.00

00:30:30.000 Are you going to get your head chopped off in the next one? 1.00

00:30:32.000 What is she saying? 1.00

00:30:35.000 She's one of the girls that genuinely loves porn.

00:30:38.000 And that's why a lot of the fans like her, because she's not like, oh, I'm just going to do this until I get my real estate license.

00:30:45.000 She loves it. 0.99

00:30:46.000 She's into rough sex. 1.00

00:30:47.000 She loves fucking. 1.00

00:30:48.000 She loves it. 1.00

00:30:50.000 She's amazing.

00:30:51.000 She is amazing, you know?

00:30:53.000 I love her.

00:30:53.000 I love her, too.

00:30:55.000 It's a funny thing that people would like, you know, the natural instinct is to go, oh, God, what the fuck are you guys talking about? 0.99

00:31:01.000 She's amazing? 1.00

00:31:02.000 She's taking two dicks in her ass. 1.00

00:31:03.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:31:03.000 She's amazing. 1.00

00:31:04.000 But the reality is, porn is something that a fucking lot of people watch, but nobody gives anybody credit for being good at it. 0.98

00:31:13.000 Oh, I mean, that's the other thing, too. 0.98

00:31:15.000 No, seriously, keep talking about that. 0.96

00:31:17.000 Because, look, we've all had bad sexual experiences where someone wasn't into it, and a girl's like, ugh, and you're losing your erection. 0.97

00:31:25.000 She's like, what's wrong? 1.00

00:31:26.000 I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with you? 0.99

00:31:28.000 What kind of a conversation do we have in here? 1.00

00:31:30.000 This is nuts. 0.99

00:31:31.000 So what you see in a scene when a girl's really into getting fucked, the reality of it... 1.00

00:31:40.000 Gets you excited. 1.00

00:31:41.000 But if someone sucks at it, it's not good. 0.99

00:31:45.000 We've all seen bad porn. 0.98

00:31:46.000 I mean, there's a lot of porn out there.

00:31:48.000 It's not all good. 1.00

00:31:49.000 And usually the hot chicks, they don't fuck like ugly fat girls. 1.00

00:31:53.000 So when you have a hot chick that does fuck like a fat, ugly chick, then it's amazing. 1.00

00:31:59.000 And she's amazing because she's done scenes where gang bangs a bunch of guys. 1.00

00:32:04.000 And I know half of those guys didn't take a bath.

00:32:07.000 And she'll smile and just do it like professional.

00:32:10.000 These are like random stranger guys?

00:32:12.000 That's the other thing. 0.93

00:32:12.000 Well, it's like open mic for porn. 0.93

00:32:14.000 So these guys are hoping they do enough.

00:32:15.000 You don't want that mic to be that close to his mouth because that's the other thing we figured out.

00:32:19.000 The podcast is pretty much me, Yoshi, and Asa. 1.00

00:32:23.000 And all this dude does is eat asses out of hookers. 1.00

00:32:26.000 And she eats a lot of ass. 1.00

00:32:28.000 And like Yoshi said, a lot of those guys don't shower and stuff. 1.00

00:32:31.000 So I'm like, I'm on a show with two people that eat ass. 0.99

00:32:34.000 All day. 1.00

00:32:35.000 Don't get pink eye from his mic.

00:32:36.000 You probably have a good immune system because of that.

00:32:40.000 Your immune system is doing battle all day with Yoshi's AIDS. I'm glad you said it and not me. 0.99

00:32:48.000 Yoshi's AIDS and Brian's AIDS in the same room.

00:32:50.000 What they are is like two competing beehives and they're hovering in the middle of the room trying to work the situation out.

00:32:57.000 Yoshi always tells me whose AIDS dominates this room.

00:33:01.000 You can only get it once, right?

00:33:03.000 No.

00:33:03.000 Different kinds.

00:33:04.000 You can get it twice?

00:33:05.000 We had this guy on, and I have to tell people who listen to this podcast, we have found a molecular biologist to debate Dr. Peter Duesberg.

00:33:14.000 We had this guy on the podcast, and a lot of people got really angry at me.

00:33:17.000 He's a professor of biology at the University of California, Berkeley, and he's got this crazy theory about HIV and AIDS. Okay.

00:33:23.000 And he doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. He believes that the drugs that people give people Uh-huh.

00:33:50.000 And it's a controversial situation because obviously he's smarter than me.

00:33:54.000 I'm not a professor of biology.

00:33:56.000 He's got tenure and he does peer-reviewed stuff on cancer that's very well respected to this day.

00:34:02.000 But he's got this wacky opinion on HIV. And, you know, he insists that no one wants to debate him.

00:34:10.000 So we got this guy who's finally willing to debate him and I'll announce all of it when everything gets signed away and we figure out what day they're going to both fly in.

00:34:18.000 But we're going to bring him in here and we're going to have them debate as long as it takes on the podcast. 0.93

00:34:23.000 And either, you know, either Dewsburg is fucking crazy or Dewsburg is a genius and we have a real problem with the way people perceive this one particular disease. 0.99

00:34:34.000 I don't fucking know. 0.99

00:34:35.000 I'm just hoping that I can figure out how to navigate through the waters because I'm basically going to be like a referee in a contest that I don't understand. 0.98

00:34:42.000 Do you know anyone with AIDS besides Brian and Yoshi?

00:34:45.000 Well, they have the most AIDS. But yeah, I know a guy who has HIV. I know at least one guy.

00:34:51.000 The only time in my life that I've ever seen anyone with AIDS and it was like a lot of AIDS was when I was in Africa.

00:34:58.000 That was part of Dewsburg's problem with it.

00:35:02.000 He said that what you're seeing in Africa is not people that have HIV, it's people that have no nutrition.

00:35:07.000 He's like, you're seeing compromised immune systems because they're starving and they're in horrible climates where there's a lot of waste around.

00:35:15.000 You're seeing a lot of different things.

00:35:18.000 He's like, they're not testing these people for HIV. He goes, and the amount of people that they have tested that do have HIV in Africa, he said the number hasn't increased, but the population has tripled.

00:35:29.000 The population of Africa, they were saying, is going to be decimated by AIDS. And he was like, well, if that's the truth, why did the population increase by threefold?

00:35:38.000 Population was like, he said it was like, this is all Duesberg, I'm paraphrasing, but he said, I believe it was like 500 million, and now it's over a billion.

00:35:46.000 So he was like, the population tripled. 0.98

00:35:48.000 They got 12-inch dicks. 1.00

00:35:50.000 They like to fuck. 1.00

00:35:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:51.000 Well, the idea is that if AIDS was a communicable disease, like people are describing it, it would have swept through Africa and decimated the population. 1.00

00:36:00.000 And he's saying because it didn't, not even by any stretch of the imagination, he said it backs up his idea that it's something that's brought upon in Africa by poor nutrition, in America by drug use.

00:36:13.000 I don't know, man.

00:36:14.000 I know gay dudes love to party, and that's something that can't be ignored. 1.00

00:36:18.000 They fucking love to party. 1.00

00:36:19.000 And it could be a combination of them loving to party makes them more susceptible to certain diseases and illnesses. 1.00

00:36:25.000 But we all know that.

00:36:27.000 I have a friend who they're married and they're gay folks and they have a total normal married life.

00:36:38.000 But they also have friends who are gay that they talk about, that are their buddies, that they party with. 1.00

00:36:44.000 And these guys are fucking savages. 1.00

00:36:47.000 When you get a direct line into how gays... 1.00

00:36:50.000 And these are gay professional men. 0.80

00:36:52.000 I mean, one guy owns... 0.87

00:36:53.000 They do DVD. Yeah, one guy owns a clothing company, and he's really rich, and another guy...

00:36:58.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:37:17.000 And they go out and they fucking party hard. 1.00

00:37:21.000 Gay guys party hard, man. 1.00

00:37:24.000 And it might just be this guy's buddies. 1.00

00:37:26.000 But when I meet these dudes and they start telling me stories about the fucking throwdowns that they all have together. 1.00

00:37:33.000 They fucking go out and do crazy drugs. 0.99

00:37:36.000 They're in this dance culture all the time. 1.00

00:37:38.000 And they love to take ecstasy.

00:37:40.000 And they get together and, you know, that's a part of what they're doing that's fun. 1.00

00:37:46.000 And that shit will decimate your immune system. 1.00

00:37:50.000 And whether or not Dewsburg's correct about all of his assumptions about AIDS, Let's set that aside for a minute and just look at the fact that there's so many of these dudes taking those drugs and that those drugs will fuck you up. 1.00

00:38:03.000 That is a fact.

00:38:04.000 Whether or not HIV causes AIDS, the majority of scientists say it does, so I have to go with them. 1.00

00:38:10.000 I mean, the majority support The idea that it's this ever-altering and changing disease that's very hard to figure out, and then it decimates the immune system.

00:38:20.000 I don't imagine that you could keep something like that a secret if it wasn't true.

00:38:26.000 So having him on was a tricky thing because I can't debate him.

00:38:31.000 I had my friend Brian Callen on.

00:38:33.000 He tried to debate him, but he got smushed.

00:38:35.000 You've got to have another genius.

00:38:38.000 So we're doing that.

00:38:39.000 So that's coming up.

00:38:40.000 I'm gonna keep hope alive that there's a cure for you, buddy.

00:38:43.000 No.

00:38:43.000 Yoshi's AIDS is incurable.

00:38:44.000 Oh, it's incurable?

00:38:45.000 Yeah, it's his own thing, man.

00:38:47.000 Sorry, bro.

00:38:47.000 It's like a fingerprint.

00:38:48.000 Sorry, bro. 1.00

00:38:49.000 Unless I fuck him with my AIDS. Yeah, it'd be like King Kong vs. 1.00

00:38:52.000 Godzilla and Yoshi's ass. 0.98

00:38:56.000 You could get a film camera in there and make a cartoon reenactment of what they see. 1.00

00:39:01.000 You would just see AIDS. Doing battle with AIDS. They'll dress up like gladiators from a scene in The Lord of the Rings.

00:39:07.000 Just ogre AIDS. And on the other side, troll AIDS. And they have fucking shields on them. 0.99

00:39:13.000 On their chests and battering rams, and they're going to war inside Yoshi's ass. 1.00

00:39:17.000 Somebody make that cartoon, please. 1.00

00:39:19.000 You guys gotta throw that mic out after the show's done. 0.77

00:39:22.000 Yoshi, we will spray it.

00:39:24.000 I'm gonna let you know.

00:39:25.000 Don't feel sad.

00:39:26.000 We're gonna spray it.

00:39:27.000 Because I saw a few of those spittles, they flew off your mouth while you got really particularly excited about things.

00:39:33.000 And that's like panspermia.

00:39:35.000 That's how, like, asteroids hit other planets, and that's how life gets to Earth.

00:39:39.000 See, so you're AIDS leapfrogging onto that, you know, very moist sponge microphone cover. 0.62

00:39:46.000 That's a perfect habitat for super AIDS. I just want to make sure you're just joking.

00:39:50.000 I don't have AIDS. Of course I'm just joking.

00:39:52.000 I can't believe I have to tell you that. 1.00

00:39:54.000 You're a fucking professional comedian, man. 1.00

00:39:57.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:39:58.000 Guess what?

00:39:59.000 Brian doesn't have AIDS either.

00:40:00.000 Wink, wink. 1.00

00:40:04.000 That's the other shit. 0.99

00:40:06.000 You guys are on iTunes? 0.99

00:40:08.000 Yeah, we're on iTunes. 1.00

00:40:09.000 But see, we just started our shit and we talk about AIDS and rape every... 1.00

00:40:13.000 How the fuck do you get on iTunes? 1.00

00:40:14.000 You start talking about poop now. 0.99

00:40:15.000 Well, there's nothing wrong with it.

00:40:16.000 What we're saying, we didn't say...

00:40:19.000 We didn't advocate rape. 0.99

00:40:20.000 We didn't advocate anybody getting dragged away by their hair or mouth fucked. 0.99

00:40:24.000 We're just like, it's real. 0.99

00:40:25.000 It's a part of life.

00:40:26.000 It's an educational podcast.

00:40:27.000 It's very much an educational podcast.

00:40:29.000 I'm surprised we're in comedy.

00:40:31.000 We're in the comedy section. 0.97

00:40:32.000 Well, see, that's what, like, we didn't write in our description, like, it's D-V-D-A-A-S-A, but we didn't write it's double vaginal, double anal, whatever. 1.00

00:40:41.000 And so, you know, my manager's like, dude, you have a porn star on there and you have this fucking guy. 0.99

00:40:47.000 Like, do you want ever to have non-porn star guests, like, real guests on? 1.00

00:40:51.000 Oh, that's silly.

00:40:53.000 You'll have normal guests. 0.75

00:40:54.000 Well, we have this currency now.

00:40:55.000 Like, for me, I haven't painted in a while.

00:40:57.000 And, like, my paintings have gotten, like, you know, like, ridiculously expensive.

00:41:01.000 So I could paint guests to bribe them to come on.

00:41:05.000 Yeah, that'd be amazing.

00:41:05.000 And Asa said last week, she said she'll blow anyone who comes on our show.

00:41:09.000 Really?

00:41:09.000 Yeah, and she said it's, like, so, like, not joking.

00:41:12.000 Like, yeah, whatever.

00:41:14.000 Can I come?

00:41:15.000 That's beautiful.

00:41:17.000 That's beautiful.

00:41:18.000 See, that's what keeps hope alive.

00:41:20.000 It's a good currency to have.

00:41:21.000 You're hearing things like that.

00:41:22.000 That is excellent currency.

00:41:23.000 But people would go on your show anyway, period.

00:41:25.000 Why would they not want to go on?

00:41:27.000 I don't know.

00:41:27.000 They don't want their career destroyed.

00:41:29.000 Wow, that's so silly. 1.00

00:41:30.000 In this day and age, people are silly. 0.99

00:41:32.000 They've got to relax. 1.00

00:41:34.000 Just be who the fuck you are. 1.00

00:41:36.000 And especially in a podcast form is the best place for that because you get a chance to express yourself for hours. 1.00

00:41:44.000 Definitely. 0.95

00:41:44.000 It's not like if you said something fucked up and then like, remember when Hugh Grant got blown by that hooker and got arrested and went on The Tonight Show and Jay Leno goes, what the hell were you thinking? 0.95

00:41:54.000 Jay Leno does his famous line that brought The Tonight Show back. 0.89

00:41:57.000 And you know, when they have those shows, they talk about the history of the war between The Tonight Show and The David Letterman Show.

00:42:03.000 That was the show that turned the tide.

00:42:05.000 Jay Leno looked at Hugh Grant and said, what the hell were you thinking?

00:42:09.000 Well, when he did that, that was like this tiny little conversation that only took place over a couple of minutes. 0.95

00:42:14.000 Wouldn't you love to sit Hugh Grant down and give him a glass of wine and give him some weed and talk to him for hours and go, how many hookers did you get? 1.00

00:42:23.000 You can tell me. 0.74

00:42:23.000 Yeah, I mean... 0.74

00:42:24.000 You and Elizabeth, whatever the fuck her name was, you're broken up. 0.98

00:42:27.000 She was super hot. 1.00

00:42:28.000 She was super hot. 1.00

00:42:28.000 Like, one of the hottest chicks ever. 1.00

00:42:30.000 Ever. 1.00

00:42:30.000 And, like, even with that, you had to go out and get this strange new pussy. 1.00

00:42:34.000 Well, he got dirty street, too. 1.00

00:42:35.000 Yeah, you needed that nasty. 0.96

00:42:37.000 Yeah, he's a rich, famous man. 0.76

00:42:39.000 If he wanted to, he could...

00:42:41.000 This is before the internet, you know what I mean? 0.92

00:42:43.000 He could have gone to get a, like, LA Weekly and gotten a prostitute. 0.89

00:42:46.000 Right. 0.85

00:42:47.000 They always had that.

00:42:48.000 He wanted it dirty.

00:42:49.000 He wanted to go street.

00:42:51.000 I don't remember his ex-girlfriend, but she's so beautiful.

00:42:54.000 Elizabeth Hurley?

00:42:57.000 My reaction was, I don't think she's nasty in bed. 1.00

00:43:01.000 And probably lazy. 0.87

00:43:03.000 Listen, probably lazy.

00:43:04.000 Maybe lazy with Hugh Grant.

00:43:06.000 Oh. 1.00

00:43:06.000 I bet if the right dude gets a hold of her, she'll fuck the life out of you. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Okay. 1.00

00:43:10.000 Fair enough.

00:43:11.000 Yeah, it's just you gotta impress a girl like that. 1.00

00:43:13.000 You gotta fuck the shit out of her. 1.00

00:43:14.000 Right. 1.00

00:43:14.000 That girl's so pretty and she's famous. 1.00

00:43:17.000 Yeah.

00:43:17.000 You gotta do a lot of work.

00:43:18.000 So he's probably tired of doing all that work. 1.00

00:43:19.000 He wanted to pull over and just get his dick sucked. 1.00

00:43:21.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:43:22.000 Bitch, get in the car. 1.00

00:43:23.000 Suck it. 1.00

00:43:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:24.000 Get out! 0.98

00:43:25.000 Here's your money.

00:43:28.000 That's what he wanted.

00:43:29.000 He wanted some crazy moment, like the exact opposite of what it is at home.

00:43:33.000 At home, he probably has to work for it, man.

00:43:35.000 She probably turns him down all the time. 0.93

00:43:37.000 She probably argues with him.

00:43:38.000 She probably challenges his alpha position.

00:43:40.000 That's why I don't understand why you got married.

00:43:42.000 Because you're like a free dude.

00:43:44.000 You're like, I'm going to do comedy. 0.99

00:43:45.000 I'm going to do UFC shit. 0.97

00:43:46.000 I'm going to have my own podcast. 0.98

00:43:47.000 It's like, that part of your life is so free.

00:43:50.000 And then like...

00:43:51.000 I've done, like, everything I can to, like, be married, you know?

00:43:55.000 To not be married.

00:43:56.000 Yeah, to not be married.

00:43:57.000 And, like, that's why it's a little bit...

00:43:59.000 Well, it's all about finding the right person.

00:44:02.000 If you find the right person and you start having children... 0.86

00:44:04.000 Having a child, to me, is way more of a commitment than getting married.

00:44:07.000 You guys had the kid first?

00:44:08.000 Yeah.

00:44:09.000 Oh, okay.

00:44:09.000 Having a child is way more of a commitment.

00:44:11.000 So you suck at pulling out? 0.99

00:44:13.000 I suck at pulling out. 0.99

00:44:14.000 Yeah, a whole bit about it.

00:44:16.000 The first one wasn't planned.

00:44:17.000 The second one was planned.

00:44:18.000 Oh, okay.

00:44:19.000 But, uh...

00:44:20.000 Yeah, marriage is preposterous. 0.99

00:44:22.000 The idea is ridiculous. 0.99

00:44:23.000 The idea that you're going to write some shit down and that someone is going to be legally entangled with you and then you're going to have to sit in front of a bunch of other people. 0.99

00:44:29.000 And when you want to break up with her, they have to decide how your money gets distributed. 0.98

00:44:34.000 And in your situation, it's a terrible idea because you've got a lot of money.

00:44:39.000 Before I had a lot of money, I never was into the idea of it.

00:44:42.000 Of course. 1.00

00:44:43.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:44:44.000 It's a stupid idea. 1.00

00:44:45.000 My wife likes it, so I did it because we have children. 1.00

00:44:48.000 You wanted to make her happy.

00:44:49.000 And it makes her happy.

00:44:50.000 And I'm not going anywhere, man.

00:44:51.000 I'm not going to be that guy. 0.99

00:44:53.000 No dirty street hookers? 1.00

00:44:54.000 None of that shit? 1.00

00:44:56.000 I want to make a robot dirty street hooker. 1.00

00:44:59.000 So it's not a real person. 0.99

00:45:00.000 You just came back from that?

00:45:01.000 Yeah.

00:45:02.000 Are they getting closer to making that robot?

00:45:04.000 You were at the AVN Awards, right? 0.99

00:45:05.000 Yeah, they had some fucked dolls there. 1.00

00:45:07.000 Which is, for non-fucked-up people, again, the Adult Video News Awards. 0.99

00:45:12.000 They had a lot of real doll technology there.

00:45:15.000 Do they have one that talks to you?

00:45:17.000 No. 1.00

00:45:17.000 It's still kind of just like you're fucking a dead person. 1.00

00:45:19.000 Well, they had a Japanese robot. 0.99

00:45:21.000 They had a Japanese robot that was fairly realistic.

00:45:24.000 It wasn't a sexual robot, but it was a robot that would talk to you.

00:45:27.000 For companionship.

00:45:29.000 The lips moved fairly realistically.

00:45:31.000 We're going to get to a Blade Runner day.

00:45:33.000 It's going to happen.

00:45:34.000 We're getting there.

00:45:34.000 It's on the way.

00:45:35.000 It's 100%.

00:45:36.000 I mean, if you look at the fact that the...

00:45:41.000 Supercomputers that they had in the 1960s filled entire rooms and they didn't have the power that your iPhone has.

00:45:47.000 Just think about that and think about these robots now and what we're going to have a hundred years from now or a thousand years from now.

00:45:53.000 The Blade Runner thing is 100% inevitable.

00:45:56.000 You're invited to the wedding with my first robot.

00:45:59.000 You're going to marry a robot? 1.00

00:45:59.000 Dude, they'll kill you. 1.00

00:46:01.000 They'll kill you when they find out that you have an explanation date on them. 1.00

00:46:05.000 Imagine if you bought super hot robot hookers, and they have this implanted memory of their life with you, this perfect life with you, and how deeply, deeply, deeply in love with you they are. 0.97

00:46:15.000 And then they realize that on year five, they die, because that's when you get tired of chicks, and you want to bring in another one, and... 0.99

00:46:24.000 Program a new life into her brain as well. 0.99

00:46:26.000 I like this sci-fi portal shit. 1.00

00:46:27.000 This is total real. 1.00

00:46:29.000 That's 100% possible in the future.

00:46:32.000 Here's the other thing.

00:46:32.000 When you go to a sex store or a porn convention like that...

00:46:35.000 And you see like the dildos that they have, like this advanced dildo technology they have, teledildonics or whatever. 0.99

00:46:41.000 It's like there's not a human dick that could do what these dildos do. 1.00

00:46:44.000 They vibrate, they rotate, they go like this. 0.99

00:46:47.000 So I think last year, right?

00:46:49.000 Last year was like the first year I went.

00:46:51.000 And I'm walking out and there's like a hard drive that looks like that.

00:46:54.000 And the guy's like, come over here.

00:46:55.000 And I'm like, no.

00:46:56.000 He's like, come over here.

00:46:57.000 He's like, stick your finger in that computer right there.

00:47:02.000 And I'm like, no, I don't want to.

00:47:03.000 And he's like, dude, there was no one else around.

00:47:06.000 He's like, just stick your finger in that hard drive.

00:47:08.000 And I was like, alright.

00:47:09.000 And I stuck it in, and it was wet.

00:47:12.000 And it was warm. 0.99

00:47:13.000 And it was doing things a human vagina can never do. 1.00

00:47:16.000 It was like... 0.99

00:47:16.000 And I was like, I'm about to come out of my finger right now. 0.99

00:47:20.000 And I was like... 1.00

00:47:22.000 Just the same way girls who use a lot of dildos, their pussies become desensitized. 1.00

00:47:26.000 I was like, if I buy this thing right now, I'll never fucking leave the house again. 1.00

00:47:31.000 I'll fuck this little computer box. 1.00

00:47:33.000 And if they put it into one of these android things, I mean, there won't be a woman who has a vagina tighter than that ever. 1.00

00:47:40.000 There was a science fiction comic book that I read when I was a kid. 0.98

00:47:43.000 I'll never forget it.

00:47:44.000 Was it heavy metal stuff?

00:47:45.000 It was something along those lines.

00:47:49.000 Whatever it was, it was a black and white one.

00:47:51.000 I remember it was a robot.

00:47:54.000 The guy had a robot as a slave or whatever, but the robot was very human-like and very muscular and big. 0.99

00:48:02.000 And the robot started fucking his wife. 1.00

00:48:04.000 And then he went to stop the robot from fucking his wife. 1.00

00:48:07.000 And the robot broke his arm. 0.99

00:48:08.000 And it was this really scary thing. 0.99

00:48:11.000 This robot had this big, giant cock. 1.00

00:48:12.000 And it was in the thing that he was going to continue fucking. 1.00

00:48:16.000 And the robot was laughing as he was fucking his wife. 1.00

00:48:18.000 While the guy's thinking, what did I do? 1.00

00:48:20.000 Holding his broken arm, which is all fucked up, while this robot fucks his wife. 1.00

00:48:24.000 But that image really stuck into my head. 0.99

00:48:26.000 Because if we really do develop...

00:48:32.000 Artificial human being that thinks it's a human being.

00:48:36.000 Right. 1.00

00:48:36.000 And especially if we make them ridiculously strong, they're going to fuck your wife. 1.00

00:48:42.000 And they're going to break your arm if you try to stop them. 1.00

00:48:44.000 Here, get it right now.

00:48:45.000 They're not real.

00:48:46.000 Get that website, Brian.

00:48:47.000 Robot Cuckold.

00:48:48.000 Robot Cuckold dot com!

00:48:50.000 Robo Cuckold.

00:48:53.000 Yeah, we're so desensitized. 1.00

00:48:54.000 We need cuckolding, we need mouth gagging, we need double anal, double vag... 1.00

00:48:59.000 I mean, it's crazy. 1.00

00:49:02.000 They already do that in Japan.

00:49:03.000 These guys are into otaku.

00:49:05.000 They're crazy fan of a particular subject, like porn or whatever. 0.99

00:49:09.000 They're doing this ceremonial marriage thing with the robots and shit like that in Japan. 0.99

00:49:14.000 Oh, really? 0.99

00:49:14.000 In Japan? 0.99

00:49:15.000 Yes.

00:49:16.000 My home country's weird.

00:49:17.000 I get it.

00:49:18.000 But yeah, they're doing that.

00:49:19.000 It's...

00:49:20.000 It's really interesting.

00:49:22.000 Like I said, I'm happy, but I wouldn't recommend it.

00:49:25.000 I wouldn't recommend it to other people.

00:49:26.000 You found the right one.

00:49:27.000 Yeah, but it's not common.

00:49:28.000 Where did you meet her?

00:49:30.000 I don't like to talk too much about it on the podcast, but the odds of finding somebody that you get along with as good as I get along with her, they're pretty slim.

00:49:40.000 I haven't found that many people in my whole life that I get along with like that.

00:49:44.000 It's a compatibility thing, because I'm not the right dude for a lot of chicks, and you're not the right dude for a lot of chicks. 0.70

00:49:52.000 You've got to find the one who's like, that's what I've been looking for.

00:49:56.000 Well, I'm happy to hear that, man.

00:49:58.000 That's cool, man.

00:49:59.000 Sweetie.

00:50:01.000 It's good to be happy, and the idea of being able to raise kids was always a real scary thing for me when I was younger.

00:50:09.000 When I was in my 20s, I thought of it as a burden.

00:50:12.000 That's all I thought of it as. 0.99

00:50:13.000 I was like, oh my god, imagine if I had a kid right now, I'd be fucked. 0.99

00:50:16.000 I don't even like feeding my cat. 1.00

00:50:18.000 If I had a kid, Jesus Christ.

00:50:20.000 But once you go through the experience and you become an adult, you kind of have a different perspective on just the idea of a finite lifetime and the idea of the concept of being able to raise a human from the very beginning and like educate them and expose them to different things along the way and communicate with them.

00:50:40.000 How old were you when you had your first kid?

00:50:42.000 The first biological kid, I was 40. Totally different. 0.77

00:50:47.000 So guys like you and Bourdain give me hope, because I think Bourdain had his first kid.

00:50:51.000 He was 50, I think, when he had his first kid.

00:50:55.000 It's easier to understand what's going on.

00:50:59.000 If I was 21, if I got my girlfriend pregnant, and I married her back then, I might get... 0.98

00:51:05.000 So overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all. 0.99

00:51:09.000 The other thing is that I'm in a comfortable place in my life where I don't have to worry about shit. 0.99

00:51:14.000 I don't worry about my job. 0.97

00:51:16.000 I've been working for the UFC for like 12 years now, and then even more before.

00:51:22.000 It's been 11 years, but even more back in the day.

00:51:26.000 It's like another two years from another owner.

00:51:29.000 I've been doing it for so long.

00:51:31.000 It's not something I worry about losing.

00:51:32.000 So out of all this...

00:51:34.000 Out of all the things that you do, you used to do the Fear Factor, you do the UFC, you do your podcast, and you do stand-up comedy.

00:51:42.000 Out of all these things, which is your passion?

00:51:45.000 Is it all like, I love everything?

00:51:47.000 I really do love everything.

00:51:49.000 Except Fear Factor.

00:51:50.000 I love the money from Fear Factor.

00:51:52.000 That was it.

00:51:53.000 Every now and then I loved it.

00:51:54.000 Every now and then it was fun.

00:51:56.000 It was fun when they were cool people.

00:51:58.000 It could be cool, but I wouldn't do it for free. 0.99

00:52:00.000 But I would do all the other shit for free. 0.99

00:52:02.000 Because you love it. 1.00

00:52:03.000 Yeah, it's all the other shit. 0.99

00:52:04.000 I don't think, oh, I'm just doing this for the money. 0.99

00:52:07.000 Right.

00:52:08.000 And doing something that you...

00:52:10.000 The difference between, say, the UFC and Fear Factor was sometimes I would enjoy Fear Factor.

00:52:15.000 Right.

00:52:16.000 When I work for the UFC, I always enjoy it.

00:52:18.000 Right.

00:52:18.000 I mean, I like...

00:52:20.000 Some people might think it's a boring fight I enjoy.

00:52:23.000 Right.

00:52:23.000 Because anything can happen.

00:52:25.000 It might be boring for a couple seconds and a dude gets cracked and it becomes the most exciting shit ever. 0.99

00:52:29.000 Right, right. 0.99

00:52:29.000 You know, I'm ready. 0.99

00:52:31.000 I enjoy it.

00:52:33.000 So the difference is if you're doing something you're only doing for the money, you're always going to have this feeling like, all right, just plow through this and do it for the money.

00:52:43.000 But when you're doing something that you love, you eliminate that bad feeling.

00:52:47.000 Well, that's the thing is when I hear you doing the announcing for UFC, I'm like, This guy sounds like he's super, super pumped right now.

00:52:55.000 Like, you know, it sounds like you're into it.

00:52:57.000 So, and like, you're like, oh, when you're like referring back to fights from like 10 years earlier, I'm like, is there something in front of you showing those things?

00:53:03.000 You remember those things?

00:53:04.000 No, not only that, I don't even do any research.

00:53:06.000 You just love this sport so much.

00:53:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:09.000 My research...

00:53:10.000 So can I do some trivia with you?

00:53:11.000 Sure, yeah.

00:53:12.000 Alright, so the first time BJ Penn fought George St. Pierre was like in Vegas.

00:53:18.000 Ten years ago?

00:53:19.000 Or eight years ago?

00:53:20.000 No, no, it was not long ago.

00:53:21.000 It was probably 2006, I would guess.

00:53:24.000 I can't tell you the exact numbers, but I can tell you what happened in the fight.

00:53:27.000 So who won that fight?

00:53:29.000 Well, George won the fight, but I thought BJ did more damage, and all George did was take him down a couple of times in the later rounds, but BJ thumbed George in the eye.

00:53:41.000 It was a very interesting fight.

00:53:43.000 He thumbed George in the eye in the first round, in the right eye, and he had a cut. 0.99

00:53:46.000 And that really fucked with them. 0.94

00:53:48.000 That was the first time George had faced real serious adversity inside the cage. 0.99

00:53:52.000 Because it wasn't a thumb on purpose.

00:53:54.000 People have to realize that because of the fact that thumbs aren't exposed, even with a legitimate punch, which BJ's was, a completely legitimate punch, oftentimes a thumb can go right into the eyeball.

00:54:07.000 And you could really fuck up a guy's vision from that.

00:54:10.000 And it was just because BJ had cleaner striking back then. 0.97

00:54:13.000 I mean, he fucking won the fight. 0.97

00:54:14.000 That's what I think. 0.99

00:54:14.000 I think he won the fight, too. 0.99

00:54:15.000 Because I believe he won, he did more damage, and I think ultimately the Japanese had a better way of judging fights than the standard 10-point must system that we use, which is really like a boxing system. 0.82

00:54:28.000 This is unbelievable. 0.99

00:54:29.000 This is fucking crazy. 0.99

00:54:30.000 I mean, you watch how many fights, the fact that you remember that from the... 0.99

00:54:34.000 Well, I've called at least a thousand.

00:54:36.000 Jesus Christ.

00:54:37.000 At least.

00:54:38.000 There's been more than a thousand.

00:54:39.000 You want to hear a funny story about that fight?

00:54:40.000 Yeah, sure.

00:54:42.000 So, I just...

00:54:44.000 I was in the Congo. 1.00

00:54:45.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:54:47.000 How many stories begin with that? 1.00

00:54:49.000 And I was there for Vice, and I just came back to LA. And I have a bit of a gambling problem.

00:54:57.000 And the way my gambling career, I guess, is set up is...

00:55:04.000 Basically, yeah, 2006 or around that time, like six, seven years ago, when I was going there, I was going there every week and winning about $1,000.

00:55:14.000 And then I would stop.

00:55:16.000 I could for sure go to Vegas and win, you know, between $800 and $1,000, you know?

00:55:20.000 And that was what I was doing for money and then I would be painting on the side or whatever.

00:55:25.000 And I would do that every week.

00:55:27.000 So I came back from Africa and I was gonna go on, you know, I was gonna fly to go or drive to go see my parents.

00:55:33.000 I hadn't seen them in a few months and BJ was being sponsored by the clothing company Ruka.

00:55:39.000 Do you know RVCA? Yeah, sure.

00:55:41.000 Yeah, I know those guys.

00:55:42.000 So Pat, the owner, is one of my best friends and he goes, Dave, you got to take...

00:55:48.000 BJ's...

00:55:48.000 The fight was the next day with George St. Pierre and he said...

00:55:53.000 Something with the logo was not big enough or something, so he still had the pants.

00:55:56.000 He's like, these pants need to get to BJ in Vegas.

00:56:00.000 And I said, all right, so send someone.

00:56:02.000 Why do I got to go? 0.99

00:56:03.000 He's like, because you fucking love Vegas. 0.97

00:56:05.000 And I'm like, dude, I'm still wearing the same clothes that I was wearing in Congo for like two months. 0.98

00:56:11.000 I need to go shower.

00:56:12.000 I need to go see my parents.

00:56:13.000 He's like...

00:56:14.000 He's like, Dave.

00:56:15.000 And then he passes me $40,000, which was the most amount of cash I'd ever seen in my life.

00:56:19.000 And he goes, you need to go put this on BJ to win.

00:56:22.000 And I go, whoa, dude.

00:56:25.000 He's like, you love to gamble.

00:56:26.000 I trust you.

00:56:27.000 He goes, go give BJ his pants. 1.00

00:56:31.000 Go give BJ's pants and go put this money on BJ to win. 1.00

00:56:34.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:56:35.000 And I was like, are you sure, dude? 0.99

00:56:36.000 And he's like...

00:56:37.000 I was like, whoa, okay.

00:56:40.000 So he gives me a clean shirt.

00:56:42.000 It was just like a BJ Penn security shirt.

00:56:45.000 You know, it said BJ Penn and then security on the back.

00:56:48.000 So I take the red eye into Vegas.

00:56:50.000 And sitting next to me in a Safeway plastic bag is BJ Penn's pants.

00:56:54.000 And in my pocket is $40,000.

00:56:57.000 Jesus.

00:56:59.000 And he goes, when you get to Vegas, go up to the penthouse.

00:57:02.000 It was at Mandalay Bay, I think.

00:57:05.000 He goes, go to Mandalay Bay.

00:57:07.000 And at this point, I knew BJ. I'm pretty good friends with him now, but I didn't know him that well back then.

00:57:14.000 So I get there, and I go upstairs to his room, and he travels with his whole family.

00:57:21.000 They're usually loud and fun.

00:57:23.000 And I get up to the room, and I have his pants.

00:57:27.000 I go, hey, Pat told me to bring you your pants. 0.71

00:57:29.000 And he's like, okay, thanks.

00:57:30.000 And his brother Reagan's like...

00:57:31.000 It was like a weird vibe in the room. 0.99

00:57:34.000 And I was like, what the fuck's going on, dude? 0.96

00:57:36.000 He's like, come over here. 0.99

00:57:37.000 He's like, the guy in the next room over... 1.00

00:57:40.000 Brought home a 21-year-old hooker, fucked her and strangled her, and then just dropped her in the hallway. 1.00

00:57:48.000 Killed her? 1.00

00:57:48.000 And killed her. 1.00

00:57:49.000 She's dead. 0.73

00:57:51.000 And because she was dead in the hallway, right in front of BJ's...

00:57:57.000 Even though they knew he didn't do it, they took him in for questioning that day.

00:58:02.000 So I'm like freaking out and he's like, dude, BJ's been at the police station all day answering questions and he has this fight tomorrow night.

00:58:12.000 So I'm like, whoa.

00:58:13.000 So I run downstairs, I call Pat, I'm like, So this was the day of the weigh-ins or the day of the fight?

00:58:19.000 The day before.

00:58:19.000 The day before the weigh-ins.

00:58:21.000 Yeah.

00:58:22.000 So he wasn't cutting any weight for that fight.

00:58:24.000 The day right before the fight.

00:58:25.000 The day right before the fight.

00:58:26.000 So the day of the weigh-ins.

00:58:27.000 Yeah.

00:58:28.000 So I don't know exactly because I just got there at midnight.

00:58:32.000 So I go downstairs.

00:58:32.000 I go, Pat.

00:58:34.000 Are you sure you want me to put this money on him?

00:58:36.000 Because he just came back from the police station. 0.99

00:58:37.000 He might be a little fucked up. 0.99

00:58:39.000 He's like, dude, BJ's a champ. 1.00

00:58:41.000 He's gonna fucking smoke this guy. 0.96

00:58:43.000 And for a guy who's been to Vegas every week, I go there every week for the last 20 years, I had never been to Vegas where it felt like this before. 0.99

00:58:53.000 More Hawaiians that had never left Hawaii.

00:58:56.000 They weren't even the main fight, right?

00:58:59.000 But George St. Pierre is the hero of Canada. 0.99

00:59:02.000 So there was all these fucking Canadians in Vegas, and then there was all these Hawaiians in Vegas. 1.00

00:59:07.000 And it was just like, fuck Canada! 1.00

00:59:10.000 And fuck Hawaii! 1.00

00:59:12.000 I was playing cards, and people would see my BJ Penn shirt, and they'd go, fuck BJ Penn, fuck Hawaii. 1.00

00:59:17.000 And then all these people would be like... 1.00

00:59:18.000 It was electric.

00:59:19.000 It was crazy.

00:59:20.000 And I was like...

00:59:21.000 Wow.

00:59:22.000 How rude.

00:59:24.000 And then this is when I found out that a sports book is not actually part of the casino.

00:59:29.000 It's a separate entity that's like rents out.

00:59:31.000 So I went and I said, 40 grand on BJ Penn to win.

00:59:35.000 After I talked to Pat, I was like, hey, are you sure you want me to put this money? 0.76

00:59:37.000 He's like, BJ's going to kill this guy. 0.52

00:59:39.000 It doesn't matter. 0.89

00:59:39.000 He's got the heart of a champion. 0.89

00:59:41.000 I was like, all right.

00:59:42.000 And I go in there and the odds, if you don't remember, everyone already thought BJ was going to win.

00:59:48.000 So if I put 40 grand on BJ to win, I would have only got back like 30 grand, I think.

00:59:53.000 And if I put 40 on St. Pierre, I would have got back like 70,000, I think.

00:59:58.000 So the odds were way in BJ Penn's favor.

01:00:01.000 So they wouldn't even take a bet that big. 1.00

01:00:03.000 So I was like, oh shit. 0.99

01:00:04.000 So he's like, and they were, all the sports books were closing. 0.98

01:00:07.000 So they're like, you have to do it the next day.

01:00:08.000 So I was like, all right, I'm gonna, I'll just go to strip club, I guess.

01:00:11.000 So I go to strip club and as soon as I walk in or get out of the car, A security guard sees me, and he goes, right this way, sir. 0.99

01:00:19.000 And then he takes me to this giant private room, and I'm like, still smell like shit from Africa. 1.00

01:00:25.000 And I'm like, they just bring over the hottest strippers, and then I'm like, what the fuck's going on? 0.99

01:00:30.000 And I realize I'm wearing a BJ Penn security shirt, so they think BJ's coming. 0.97

01:00:34.000 They're like, when's BJ going to come here? 0.99

01:00:36.000 And all these security guards are sucking my dick, just like, BJ's the best, he's going to win the fight tomorrow. 1.00

01:00:40.000 And I was like, oh. 1.00

01:00:42.000 So I'm like, I'm going to take advantage of the situation.

01:00:44.000 LAUGHTER I'm like sitting there with my friend Harry. 0.99

01:00:47.000 We're like, you know, getting lap dances, all this shit. 0.99

01:00:50.000 And then I was like, fuck, they're gonna at some point expect VJ to come here. 0.99

01:00:53.000 So I sneak out the side. 0.99

01:00:56.000 And then I don't think I slept that night.

01:01:00.000 It was one of those nights where I stay at the strip club till like the sun comes up.

01:01:04.000 And then the next day, I started putting the money down on BJ to win, but it was like seven grand at like the, you know, the Venetian and then like eight grand over here and I had to split it up a little bit.

01:01:15.000 Right.

01:01:16.000 So I was like running around and I couldn't get the money spread out.

01:01:22.000 So I was only able to bet like 32 grand and I still had eight grand in cash on me.

01:01:28.000 And then the fight starts. 0.95

01:01:30.000 And like you said, like it was just like you said, like Everyone the place is going nuts like it's going fucking insane like everyone's like fuck like Canada fuck Hawaii and it's like and then the fight happens I'm like oh fuck St. Pierre looks bloody first round I'm like this fights done like BJ won and then St. Pierre is a smart fighter so he like deflected a lot or whatever and then when decision time came around They gave it to St. Pierre by one point decision and the place 0.98

01:02:00.000 goes and they started like screaming and Like, I couldn't believe it. 0.97

01:02:04.000 Like, I'm like, oh my god, because I had my own money on the fight too.

01:02:07.000 He walks off stage, his brother's like, get him drunk right away.

01:02:11.000 And then, I don't know if you go out at all after the fights or whatever, but I've never seen Vegas this violent before in my life.

01:02:18.000 Like, there was like street brawls inside casinos, there was Canadians beating up Hawaiians, Hawaiians beating up, like, it was crazy.

01:02:25.000 I knew a Hawaiian guy that put his house on, you know, up for the whole thing. 0.88

01:02:30.000 Yeah, I mean, it was insane.

01:02:31.000 People were going crazy.

01:02:32.000 I've never, in all the years I've been in Vegas, I've never seen a situation like this where people...

01:02:37.000 He bet his house on BJ? Yeah, I mean, it was fucking crazy. 0.99

01:02:41.000 What do you win when you bet your house? 0.98

01:02:43.000 I don't know.

01:02:44.000 Win another house?

01:02:45.000 I think you just put the value of it up.

01:02:47.000 I don't know.

01:02:47.000 I don't know the details of it.

01:02:49.000 That's ridiculous. 0.90

01:02:49.000 So he lost his house. 0.90

01:02:51.000 Yeah, so he lost his house and you saw the fight. 1.00

01:02:55.000 That guy's an idiot. 1.00

01:02:56.000 That's an idiotic move. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Especially when you know the judging in MMA. Judging in MMA is so sketchy. 1.00

01:03:04.000 Yeah, I mean it was fucking crazy.

01:03:06.000 So then, just as a side thing, the girl that I was with for seven years... 0.85

01:03:13.000 And we had just broken up, happened to be in Vegas.

01:03:15.000 So I was having dinner with her after and I was telling her what was happening.

01:03:18.000 I was like, dude, I just lost $32,000 off my friend's money on this thing.

01:03:22.000 And she was like, oh. 0.58

01:03:24.000 And I was calling him and I was saying, hey, Pat, I still have eight grand of your money.

01:03:28.000 Do you want me to gamble with it and win your 32 grand back?

01:03:30.000 And he's like... 1.00

01:03:33.000 Get your fucking ass back over here. 1.00

01:03:34.000 Like, he was so pissed off. 1.00

01:03:36.000 And so I was just having dinner with her.

01:03:38.000 And then he calls me back and he goes, you know what?

01:03:42.000 I was planning on winning the money or losing it, so go for it.

01:03:45.000 And I was like, I can do this?

01:03:47.000 And remember, I've only won $1,000.

01:03:50.000 That was like the most money I'd ever won.

01:03:51.000 I never even had like $8,000 or $40,000. 0.98

01:03:54.000 So I was like, shit, I'm going to walk into that high limit room for the first time in my life. 0.97

01:03:59.000 So... 0.99

01:04:00.000 But I'm talking with her and, you know, like right after a long break, you've been together with someone for a long time and you break up, there's like that maybe you're still going to get together. 0.98

01:04:08.000 So I'm like, fuck, I'm going to go gamble right now. 0.99

01:04:11.000 And then in this situation, who the fuck was that guy? 1.00

01:04:16.000 The Rush Hour guy. 0.99

01:04:17.000 Chris Tucker.

01:04:18.000 Oh, Chris Tucker.

01:04:19.000 So Chris Tucker and like, you know, a posse of like 40 people like walk in.

01:04:24.000 Then they start hitting on her right away. 0.99

01:04:26.000 Right when I got up so I was like fuck I gotta go win this money but like Chris Tucker looks like he's gonna I was like sort of stuck I was like fuck this motherfucker is hitting on my ex-girlfriend and I was like alright I'm just gonna run and do it so I walked into the Venetian high limit room for the first time and then eight grand in like thousand dollar chips is like You know, 0.99

01:04:43.000 it's like a little stack. 0.99

01:04:45.000 And I split it up and I started playing like my system the way I play.

01:04:49.000 And I won about 36 grand within like 15 minutes.

01:04:53.000 Whoa. 0.75

01:04:54.000 And that fucked me up. 0.97

01:04:55.000 It's like smoking weed your whole life and then doing cocaine, you know? 0.97

01:04:58.000 So then I called him.

01:05:00.000 I was like, hey, Pat, I'm up to 36. You want me to win the last?

01:05:03.000 He's like, get your fucking ass back to Costa Mesa right now. 1.00

01:05:06.000 I was like, all right, all right, all right. 1.00

01:05:07.000 I was like, I really think I can win the whole 40. He's like, stop, stop right now.

01:05:11.000 So I stopped and then I sort of blame BJ for my gambling problem because after that moment I could never go to Vegas again and just win a thousand.

01:05:24.000 I had to win at least 20 grand.

01:05:26.000 Is it because of the rush?

01:05:27.000 You can't go backwards, you know?

01:05:29.000 Right.

01:05:29.000 I'm like, I just won $36,000 with this guy's money.

01:05:32.000 Why couldn't I win it with my own money?

01:05:33.000 Right.

01:05:34.000 And I didn't have that kind of money to gamble with, so I took a loan out to do it.

01:05:40.000 You took a loan out and then you started gambling?

01:05:42.000 I was very confident that I could do it, you know?

01:05:45.000 Wow.

01:05:46.000 And how did that work out?

01:05:48.000 I made a small fortune doing that.

01:05:50.000 Really?

01:05:50.000 Yeah, I can't play at most of the casinos in Vegas.

01:05:54.000 What do you play?

01:05:56.000 I play every table game.

01:05:58.000 Poker, I don't really play so much.

01:06:00.000 I play for fun, and now sometimes they invite me to celebrity poker things.

01:06:05.000 I beat, actually, all the UFC guys.

01:06:07.000 I beat Chuck Liddell, I beat... 0.99

01:06:09.000 Fuck, I can't think of the guy's name right now. 1.00

01:06:14.000 What is it about... 1.00

01:06:14.000 Why are you so good at this? 1.00

01:06:16.000 Why are you so good at card games?

01:06:18.000 I think, to answer your question, I think it's because I'm really good at also pulling out, you know?

01:06:23.000 Like, no, I'm not even joking.

01:06:25.000 Like, I'm really awesome at it. 0.98

01:06:27.000 Like, people are like, the amount of fucking you do, the fact that you haven't got a girl pregnant right now, I'm like, because I'm extremely disciplined, you know? 0.99

01:06:34.000 And I knew that. 0.99

01:06:37.000 Like, gambling, sex, like, Anything that is enjoyable becomes an addiction, right?

01:06:44.000 It can be.

01:06:45.000 Because you cannot stop if you're an addict.

01:06:47.000 You want to keep doing it.

01:06:48.000 And you can't stop.

01:06:49.000 And then you're in an AA thing going, I don't know, I just went into the bar to have one drink, and the next thing you know, and that's everyone's Vegas story, right?

01:07:00.000 They're like, I was up, and that's why Vegas is there, because no one ever stops.

01:07:06.000 So you're the type of person that actually can stop.

01:07:08.000 I know that I can't stop, so I hire someone to come with me to physically make me stop.

01:07:13.000 Really?

01:07:14.000 Yeah, and I've been doing that since I was 15. You've hired someone to come gamble with you since you were 15. From 15 to 23, I consistently lost every paycheck.

01:07:27.000 And I would be going back from Vegas with that.

01:07:29.000 I don't understand.

01:07:31.000 I worked at Toys R Us for two months.

01:07:33.000 I made a couple hundred dollars, and I went to Vegas, and I doubled it.

01:07:38.000 But now I'm leaving with nothing.

01:07:39.000 It was like, I had it, but why didn't I leave with it?

01:07:44.000 Nobody leaves with it.

01:07:45.000 And it was just baffling.

01:07:46.000 I was like...

01:07:48.000 You can come to Vegas and win.

01:07:50.000 People win money here, but nobody ever leaves with it.

01:07:53.000 What is that? 0.98

01:07:54.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

01:07:55.000 And it's like the same thing as an alcoholic who's like, I had a nice buzz going. 1.00

01:08:00.000 Why did I have to take it to the point where I blacked out and was puking?

01:08:04.000 It's like, because you can't stop.

01:08:05.000 So I was like, if I can pinpoint, if I can know about myself and be honest with myself that I definitely cannot stop, why don't I just hire someone to stop me?

01:08:16.000 I tell him, look, when I get to this number, stop me.

01:08:18.000 And if I keep going, grab me by my throat, pick me up.

01:08:21.000 And so I developed this whole system of like, you know, pulling out.

01:08:27.000 And it's, it worked for a long time.

01:08:30.000 And it actually, it helped, like, in every aspect of my life.

01:08:36.000 So do you have this guy with you everywhere you go?

01:08:39.000 Well, I did for a long time, you know. 0.99

01:08:42.000 He's like, hold on, let me check your balls. 0.99

01:08:44.000 You're not ready to come yet. 0.99

01:08:45.000 All right, keep going.

01:08:46.000 No, he was awesome.

01:08:47.000 He's Harry Kim.

01:08:48.000 He was like my partner.

01:08:49.000 We hitchhiked around the whole world together.

01:08:51.000 We did a show on Vice where we hitchhiked from like LA to Miami, Tijuana to Alaska, Beijing to Hong Kong. 0.99

01:08:58.000 Holy shit. 0.98

01:08:59.000 And you filmed the show doing it? 1.00

01:09:00.000 We filmed the show doing it and it's called Thumbs Up.

01:09:03.000 And yeah, I mean...

01:09:05.000 What year did you do this?

01:09:06.000 This was years ago.

01:09:07.000 We probably did the first one seven years ago.

01:09:10.000 Wow.

01:09:11.000 Yeah.

01:09:12.000 So, yeah, to answer your question, yeah, I did bring them everywhere with me.

01:09:15.000 And doing that allowed the both of us to, like, actually never grow up, you know? 0.90

01:09:20.000 Because we're like, hey, let's keep fucking, let's keep the party going. 0.94

01:09:24.000 Like, okay, let's just go to Vegas and win 20 grand. 0.99

01:09:26.000 And we would do it.

01:09:27.000 And, you know, that's around the time we met you, right?

01:09:31.000 Yeah.

01:09:31.000 And Joe, Harry's great.

01:09:33.000 He's like catty, wouldn't you say?

01:09:35.000 Like, he'll help you, right?

01:09:36.000 And I'll be watching him gamble, and I don't have a stomach for it.

01:09:39.000 Like, there's times Davey losing $1,000, like $5,000, $10,000.

01:09:43.000 Like, I just had to walk away.

01:09:45.000 But Harry's so disciplined, and he gives them good advice.

01:09:49.000 And they worked as a team.

01:09:50.000 So I leave.

01:09:51.000 A couple hours later, they'll come back.

01:09:52.000 They'll just pull hundreds of bills on bed. 1.00

01:09:55.000 So how does that work?

01:09:57.000 They tell you you can't come and play in the casino anymore.

01:10:00.000 It's not like your band, but they definitely let you know you're not welcome anymore. 1.00

01:10:05.000 What the fuck? 0.99

01:10:06.000 They make all kinds of things uncomfortable for you. 1.00

01:10:08.000 Like how?

01:10:09.000 Like a casino that is welcoming to me.

01:10:14.000 And I'm not some weird math genius or anything.

01:10:17.000 My method...

01:10:19.000 Like, I could explain to you right now how to pull out, right?

01:10:22.000 Okay. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Like, you fuck a girl and when it feels good, you just pull out. 1.00

01:10:25.000 Like, way before you're gonna come, you know? 1.00

01:10:27.000 So I could sit here and, like, the shit with me gambling is super simple. 0.97

01:10:31.000 And I actually haven't gambled in a long time because I don't need to anymore. 0.98

01:10:34.000 But basically, I could explain it to you, but to actually do it, it's, like, almost impossible.

01:10:41.000 And I know that, too.

01:10:42.000 That's why I have Harry with me. 0.98

01:10:44.000 And it's like, if you go to Vegas right now, because of card counting, because of all these math nerds and shit, Blackjack, the most maximum bet you could ever bet on Blackjack is $25,000. 0.95

01:10:57.000 A hand? 0.98

01:10:58.000 Yeah.

01:10:59.000 That's to restrict you from playing progressive.

01:11:06.000 Basically, progressive is if you bet and you lose, you just double it each time.

01:11:10.000 So you can just keep doubling forever if you have the bankroll, and you'll never lose.

01:11:15.000 I bet $10, I lose it.

01:11:16.000 And then once you get it back, you're out.

01:11:18.000 Then you start over at $10 again.

01:11:21.000 And they get you where they lock it off at 25,000 so that you're always ahead.

01:11:26.000 But I got to a point.

01:11:27.000 I mean, the Vegas stories I got, they're just unreal.

01:11:32.000 I got to a point where they got rid of that for me.

01:11:34.000 They would let me bet whatever I want.

01:11:36.000 I was betting like a quarter million a hand on blackjack.

01:11:39.000 What?!

01:11:42.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

01:11:44.000 What does that feel like in your hands, in your feet, in your spinal cord? 1.00

01:11:48.000 It's the shemale of gambling. 0.86

01:11:50.000 It's like you've done everything.

01:11:53.000 You've done everything.

01:11:55.000 You've done everything. 0.99

01:11:57.000 You've done anal. 1.00

01:12:01.000 You've gotten the blowjob. 1.00

01:12:02.000 Ass to mouth. 1.00

01:12:03.000 You've done ass to mouth. 1.00

01:12:04.000 You've got the AIDS. You've got everything. 1.00

01:12:06.000 You have to eat a plate of shit. 1.00

01:12:07.000 And now you're like, I'm going to have to eat shit. 1.00

01:12:10.000 And it was progressive. 1.00

01:12:12.000 It was like, you know, every time I went to Vegas, I would win a thousand dollars.

01:12:17.000 Then every time I went to Vegas, I won 20 grand.

01:12:19.000 And then so your brain goes, well, why couldn't you do it with the same style, but with more money?

01:12:25.000 And as long as the casinos kept letting me raise the max bet, I could keep pushing it harder and harder.

01:12:31.000 You, right now, are creating gambling addicts.

01:12:34.000 They're listening to this like, this guy's smart, I'm smart too!

01:12:38.000 I'm gonna go out and make a living gambling! 1.00

01:12:40.000 Fuck working here! 1.00

01:12:41.000 You have to risk everything. 1.00

01:12:43.000 You have to risk everything.

01:12:45.000 Like, you're already, like...

01:12:47.000 You might have to risk everything you worked for your whole life so that you can win. 0.97

01:12:52.000 You can't pussy out. 1.00

01:12:53.000 If you're gonna go for it, then you have to pull the trigger. 0.89

01:12:56.000 So how do you change the odds?

01:12:57.000 The odds are that the casino wins 51% of the time, right?

01:13:01.000 Or plus?

01:13:02.000 Is it plus?

01:13:04.000 You're not gonna take down Vegas.

01:13:06.000 What are you going to do then?

01:13:07.000 You're going to just stick the tip in and get a little bit and then it's like Vegas is Goliath and you're this tiny little speck and you're just taking little nicks out of it.

01:13:18.000 You're not trying to take the house down.

01:13:19.000 How do you keep doing it though?

01:13:21.000 How do you keep putting it on the positive side?

01:13:24.000 I still don't understand how you overcome the 51%. 1.00

01:13:26.000 Is the 51% a mathematical thing because they're dealing?

01:13:30.000 I mean, what is the 51?

01:13:32.000 Whatever the number is, if people are correcting me.

01:13:34.000 Yeah, it's something like that.

01:13:36.000 But it's pretty much 50-50, right?

01:13:40.000 Baccarat is, I think, the best odds of any game.

01:13:43.000 Which one's that?

01:13:45.000 Baccarat is like you're trying to get to natural 9. A natural nine.

01:13:50.000 Baccarat is like one of the stupidest games ever. 0.99

01:13:52.000 It's what James Bond plays. 1.00

01:13:54.000 That motherfucker. 1.00

01:13:56.000 It's the game where when you walk past, it's always Chinese people writing numbers down and screaming and tearing up the cards. 1.00

01:14:02.000 But basically, it looks the most complicated, but it's like the same thing as them flipping a coin.

01:14:08.000 Like there's nothing you can do.

01:14:10.000 You can't hit.

01:14:10.000 You can't stay.

01:14:11.000 Whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

01:14:13.000 You could bet house or you can bet banker.

01:14:15.000 So it's the closest to like a 50-50 kind of bet.

01:14:18.000 You can bet.

01:14:19.000 And so basically, like I said, you bet progressive.

01:14:23.000 Every time you lose, you just double it.

01:14:24.000 And the second you win it, you just go upstairs, lock it up, and you just do that a couple times.

01:14:29.000 And then you leave.

01:14:30.000 And you'll win every time.

01:14:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:14:33.000 You don't sit there and you go, oh, I'm trying to like...

01:14:35.000 Right.

01:14:36.000 And you leave when the feeling is the best.

01:14:42.000 Like breaking it down to sex again.

01:14:45.000 Is the best feeling after you come? 0.77

01:14:47.000 Because after you come, you just want to go to sleep.

01:14:49.000 The best feeling is when you're about to come.

01:14:53.000 You feel it coming.

01:14:54.000 I guess coming actually is...

01:14:56.000 I don't know.

01:14:57.000 Coming's overrated. 0.99

01:14:57.000 Depends on if someone's rubbing your balls or not. 0.99

01:14:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:15:00.000 Coming's overrated?

01:15:01.000 I think so.

01:15:03.000 Well, it's because you're pulling out all the time.

01:15:04.000 Yeah, that's probably true.

01:15:05.000 When you're shooting loads and chicks, it's a hundred times better. 1.00

01:15:07.000 It is.

01:15:09.000 Like, that's why everybody, remember when you were young and you were psyched when your girlfriend was on the pill?

01:15:12.000 You're like, oh yeah, no condos?

01:15:15.000 Boom! 0.99

01:15:16.000 Blast inside of her. 0.97

01:15:17.000 It's the greatest feeling of all time.

01:15:18.000 It's so much better than pulling out.

01:15:20.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:15:22.000 It's true. 0.98

01:15:23.000 I'm so psyched that you fucking have this unbelievable recall with these fights. 1.00

01:15:27.000 BJ won that fucking fight, man! 0.99

01:15:30.000 Yeah, well, it was very close, though. 1.00

01:15:33.000 You know, the real problem is in judging.

01:15:35.000 There's an issue in judging.

01:15:36.000 There's also an issue in the way they're scoring fights, a 10-point must system.

01:15:41.000 It's like, what's a 10-8 round?

01:15:43.000 What's a 10-7 round?

01:15:44.000 I mean, is it about damage?

01:15:46.000 Is it about knockdowns?

01:15:48.000 Is it about ground control? 0.96

01:15:50.000 I mean, I just hate Canada.

01:15:52.000 That's why I was like...

01:15:53.000 Canada's awesome, man.

01:15:54.000 How could you say that?

01:15:56.000 We're both banned from there. 0.99

01:15:57.000 Canada's fucking amazing. 0.99

01:15:58.000 It's so fun. 0.99

01:15:59.000 Me and Yoshi both can't go to Canada or Japan. 1.00

01:16:02.000 Well, you're both fucked, because I'll tell you what, Canada's the shit. 1.00

01:16:05.000 I'm going to Montreal in March. 1.00

01:16:06.000 What are you talking about?

01:16:07.000 I love it.

01:16:08.000 Well, they talk a little odd, but they're the nicest people on earth.

01:16:11.000 That's for sure.

01:16:12.000 I love it up there, man.

01:16:13.000 I'm getting booked.

01:16:14.000 I think I'm doing Vancouver in March, boo-boo, so hang on.

01:16:18.000 Hang on to your hats.

01:16:18.000 I had a whole group of Canadians last night at a show.

01:16:21.000 Yeah, Canadians are the shit, man. 1.00

01:16:22.000 If I left America, I would move to Canada for sure. 1.00

01:16:25.000 I would move to Vancouver.

01:16:26.000 If I was not going to live in America, I'd either live in Hawaii or Vancouver.

01:16:30.000 I'd go to Hawaii.

01:16:31.000 Yeah, because Hawaii's not really America.

01:16:33.000 No. 1.00

01:16:33.000 America might own that shit, but that's bullshit. 1.00

01:16:36.000 It's Hawaiian. 1.00

01:16:37.000 I mean, it's just under the umbrella of protection.

01:16:40.000 That is not America.

01:16:41.000 That's Hawaii. 0.98

01:16:42.000 That's why a lot of white people go over there and have real problems.

01:16:45.000 Because they sort of try to treat it like it's the rest of America. 0.51

01:16:48.000 Right, right.

01:16:49.000 Instead of treating it like you're moving to a foreign island.

01:16:51.000 Nah, it's its own nation, man. 1.00

01:16:52.000 They got their own shit going on over there. 1.00

01:16:54.000 It should be. 1.00

01:16:55.000 It should be.

01:16:56.000 It should be like we have cousin nations, like Puerto Rico.

01:17:00.000 Are you planning an exodus out of here?

01:17:04.000 I tried a while ago, man.

01:17:05.000 Where were you going to go?

01:17:06.000 I moved to Colorado.

01:17:07.000 I got a house.

01:17:08.000 I leased it instead of buying it.

01:17:10.000 Just to check it out?

01:17:13.000 Just lease this place.

01:17:14.000 Just check it out for a little bit.

01:17:15.000 Save your money, kid.

01:17:16.000 Right.

01:17:16.000 Save it for a rainy day, you know?

01:17:18.000 I'm like, let's buy a house in the mountains.

01:17:20.000 So it was on the top of a mountain.

01:17:22.000 My dog got eaten by a mountain lion.

01:17:24.000 Whoa.

01:17:24.000 Yeah.

01:17:25.000 That became a bit in my act.

01:17:27.000 And if you're playing the podcast Drinking Game, drink. 1.00

01:17:29.000 Shit. 1.00

01:17:31.000 It became a bit in my act, but it really was true. 1.00

01:17:33.000 I really did see a mountain lion in my yard.

01:17:35.000 I was on...

01:17:35.000 It was a huge piece of land on the top of the mountain above Boulder.

01:17:41.000 You're going to solve a lot of problems for me right now.

01:17:43.000 It was beautiful.

01:17:44.000 When was this?

01:17:45.000 Well, my second daughter was conceived up there, so it was about three years ago.

01:17:53.000 I have that fantasy of... 1.00

01:17:56.000 Fuck LA. Fuck the traffic. 1.00

01:17:58.000 Fuck this. 1.00

01:17:58.000 I just gotta get away. 1.00

01:17:59.000 But then I realized I fucking hate nature. 0.99

01:18:02.000 I don't know how to kill a mountain lion. 0.99

01:18:07.000 Nature's not the issue.

01:18:08.000 The issue is you have to understand where you're at, you have to understand your environment, and you have to have the resources to make your environment compatible to you.

01:18:18.000 You have those resources.

01:18:19.000 You're not like a regular person Living in the mountain riding a donkey to work every day.

01:18:23.000 So you've got some cash. 1.00

01:18:25.000 You could hire someone to plow your fucking driveway. 1.00

01:18:27.000 You could hire someone to put motion detector lights on. 1.00

01:18:31.000 So if there's mountain lions creeping in your backyard, the lights hit them and they run away.

01:18:35.000 You could protect yourself.

01:18:36.000 So then what happened with you?

01:18:37.000 My wife kept pregnant.

01:18:38.000 And when you're up in the mountains, it's extremely high altitude.

01:18:42.000 We were at 8,600 feet above sea level.

01:18:45.000 And it's hard walking up a flight of stairs.

01:18:48.000 And when you get pregnant, it's actually dangerous. 0.94

01:18:50.000 It's dangerous for the fetus.

01:18:51.000 It's not good. 1.00

01:18:52.000 So you're like, fuck it. 1.00

01:18:52.000 You gotta get out of there. 1.00

01:18:53.000 And yeah, and she's not so good at driving in snow.

01:18:56.000 Well, would you go back now? 1.00

01:18:57.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:18:58.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:18:59.000 I would live in maybe the city of Boulder. 1.00

01:19:02.000 I think the city of Boulder is a better move.

01:19:03.000 What was it?

01:19:04.000 You're right in the foothills.

01:19:06.000 Are you from LA originally?

01:19:07.000 No, I was born in New Jersey, and I grew up most of my life in Boston.

01:19:10.000 Okay.

01:19:11.000 So what is it you're just done with LA? No, it's just that I love L.A. There's a lot of L.A. that I love.

01:19:18.000 Here's what I love about L.A. I think the coolest fucking human beings I've ever met in my life live here. 0.96

01:19:23.000 I mean, I just met you today, but I think you're pretty badass. 0.98

01:19:26.000 Thanks, Joe. 0.98

01:19:27.000 Yoshi's cool as fuck. 0.94

01:19:28.000 These two guys are okay. 0.98

01:19:31.000 All my friends live here, except for Stan Hope.

01:19:34.000 All my favorite comedians live here.

01:19:36.000 Joey Diaz and Ari Shaffir and Duncan Trussell.

01:19:40.000 Eddie Bravo.

01:19:41.000 I know so many people in LA that I love.

01:19:43.000 That this is where my family is.

01:19:45.000 It's not just where my family of people that I live with.

01:19:48.000 It's my family of humans that I love.

01:19:51.000 They're all in LA. However, this is a stupid place to stay. 1.00

01:19:55.000 And if we can get all the people that I love, and everybody was like, listen, I love you, you love me, let's get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:20:00.000 Why do we have to be in a place with 20 million people on the fucking highway and there's nothing cool to look at? 0.96

01:20:06.000 The beautiful thing about Colorado, to me, It was the natural beauty. 0.96

01:20:11.000 And that to me, it gives me a feeling that your artwork is awesome.

01:20:16.000 I love your artwork.

01:20:17.000 It's beautiful.

01:20:18.000 You're very talented.

01:20:18.000 You're very expressive.

01:20:21.000 Talking to you as a human being.

01:20:23.000 I love when I meet someone and they're intelligent and you can see that intelligence expressed in a form of art.

01:20:30.000 Thanks, man.

01:20:30.000 And that's why people love art.

01:20:32.000 People love art because I can't play music.

01:20:35.000 I don't know anything about how to play any instrument at all.

01:20:39.000 So I love music.

01:20:41.000 Because to me, it's something I can't do.

01:20:43.000 So I watch it, and I'm like, ah, it's amazing.

01:20:45.000 And it's so inspirational, exciting.

01:20:47.000 And I can take it in almost as an infantile level.

01:20:51.000 What does that say about Yoshi that he doesn't listen to music?

01:20:55.000 Neither does Doug Stanhope, and I love him to death.

01:20:57.000 I love both of them.

01:20:57.000 It's a weird thing.

01:20:58.000 Whatever.

01:20:58.000 It's life.

01:20:59.000 But my point was, but let me just finish, go full circle with this, is that in Colorado, the natural beauty is so astounding that everywhere you look, you're like, ah.

01:21:09.000 Right.

01:21:10.000 There was this place that we used to drive.

01:21:12.000 We would go up to this area called Netherland, and you'd drive through the mountains to get there.

01:21:17.000 And as you're driving through the mountains, you can't even believe you're allowed to be here.

01:21:22.000 You're just seeing these snow-covered peaks and these giant drop-offs and fucking trees everywhere, and it's just majestic, and the clouds float overhead, and you realize this is God's country. 0.94

01:21:34.000 You are witnessing... 0.97

01:21:37.000 The impact of your environment is substantial. 0.76

01:21:41.000 The idea that we should only measure things that you can fucking put on a scale, what you're not counting in is the visual benefit you get from seeing art.

01:21:51.000 That's why people buy art. 0.66

01:21:52.000 They love art.

01:21:53.000 They love having it there.

01:21:55.000 There's also art in nature, and that's reality. 0.98

01:21:57.000 If you live in a place that's boring as fuck to look at, it's not inspirational. 0.97

01:22:02.000 But when you're in Colorado, and you're driving up Sunshine Canyon... 0.99

01:22:07.000 Somebody loves Colorado. 1.00

01:22:08.000 You're just driving around these fucking trees and mountains. 1.00

01:22:11.000 The same thing can be said about Northern California. 0.99

01:22:13.000 If you go to Humboldt, drive around Humboldt.

01:22:16.000 Drive around where the Sequoia National Forest is, where they have these giant redwood trees, and you're just like... 0.99

01:22:21.000 God damn! 0.98

01:22:23.000 Like Tahoe. 1.00

01:22:24.000 Go to Tahoe. 1.00

01:22:25.000 See the fucking mountains. 1.00

01:22:26.000 Look at all those trees and look at the giant lake. 1.00

01:22:31.000 You take it in.

01:22:32.000 I love Colorado and every spot you just named, I love it too. 0.98

01:22:37.000 It's fucking breathtaking. 0.92

01:22:38.000 It's beautiful. 0.99

01:22:40.000 It's just too white for me.

01:22:41.000 Too white! 1.00

01:22:42.000 God damn, there's a lot of white people. 1.00

01:22:44.000 If you had a dance contest in Colorado, they would call it off. 1.00

01:22:47.000 In the middle of the night, they would say, no one wins.

01:22:50.000 It just makes me, I guess, a little bit uncomfortable.

01:22:57.000 I could totally understand that.

01:22:58.000 That's why I think Hawaii has got the natural beauty, and it's diverse enough where That's a good point.

01:23:06.000 That's a good point.

01:23:07.000 I can see that.

01:23:08.000 The only problem with Hawaii is it's locked.

01:23:10.000 It's just a small piece of land.

01:23:13.000 And volcanoes.

01:23:15.000 Dude, the volcanoes are an issue only on the Big Island, really.

01:23:18.000 I mean, look, a volcano, the real volcano issue is Yellowstone. 0.99

01:23:22.000 And if that motherfucker goes, you're better off being on Hawaii than you are in California. 0.99

01:23:26.000 Right. 1.00

01:23:27.000 If Yellowstone ever goes.

01:23:27.000 So then it was essentially the pregnancy that got you out of Colorado.

01:23:31.000 Yes.

01:23:32.000 If she wasn't, then you'd probably stay there.

01:23:33.000 Well, I don't know, man.

01:23:34.000 You get sick of it?

01:23:36.000 No.

01:23:37.000 See, I grew up in Boston, my formative years, from 13 to 24. Right.

01:23:42.000 And I had a newspaper route when I was a kid, when I had a car.

01:23:46.000 When I was fighting in Taekwondo tournaments, all I did was deliver newspapers in the morning and then teach in the afternoon and then compete.

01:23:53.000 So I drove every day.

01:23:55.000 So I drove in a lot of snow.

01:23:57.000 So for me, driving in snow was just second nature. 1.00

01:24:01.000 I knew how to handle that shit. 0.99

01:24:03.000 I knew what it's like to get stuck. 1.00

01:24:04.000 I got stuck every year.

01:24:06.000 It didn't freak me out.

01:24:07.000 I've walked miles home because my car was in a ditch because it spun out on the highway. 0.99

01:24:12.000 I did all that shit. 1.00

01:24:13.000 And when you grow up in a place like Massachusetts, you experience that fucking ruthless weather and you just accept it. 1.00

01:24:21.000 So that 10 plus years of my life is in my brain and I just pull that cartridge out and shove it in there. 0.98

01:24:28.000 But my wife is from Texas. 1.00

01:24:30.000 And when she's never driven in snow before and all of a sudden she's like... 0.99

01:24:34.000 And she doesn't know what the fuck to do when the ass end goes right. 1.00

01:24:39.000 I know you gotta spin into that shit. 1.00

01:24:43.000 I know how to balance a car when it starts to slide. 1.00

01:24:45.000 And even then, you gotta accept the fact that you can't deal with black ice.

01:24:49.000 You hit black ice, you're gonna crash.

01:24:50.000 Right.

01:24:51.000 I have all these things in my head, but to a person who's never grown up in cold weather, that's a terrifying variable that you've just added to the equation.

01:24:59.000 The fact that you could freeze to death. 0.99

01:25:01.000 The black guys get really angry when you try to hit them? 1.00

01:25:03.000 The black guys get angry? 1.00

01:25:04.000 Black ice? 1.00

01:25:05.000 Oh, black ice!

01:25:05.000 Black ice!

01:25:06.000 Did you think I said black guys? 0.97

01:25:08.000 Is that what you thought I said?

01:25:10.000 No, no.

01:25:11.000 You've never driven on a road and it rained and it turns into black ice?

01:25:17.000 That's hilarious! 0.99

01:25:18.000 I was like, Joe's trying to hit black guys in Colorado. 0.99

01:25:20.000 No. 0.98

01:25:25.000 Have you ever driven on black ice?

01:25:27.000 No, I've not. 1.00

01:25:28.000 Oh, it's the most terrifying shit ever. 0.99

01:25:30.000 You're driving and then all of a sudden the road goes out from under you and you start spinning. 0.99

01:25:34.000 Have you ever driven on like a northern road in the winter?

01:25:38.000 No. 1.00

01:25:39.000 Fucking dangerous. 0.99

01:25:39.000 Well, that's the thing, man. 0.99

01:25:41.000 That's why I was saying I have this like fantasy of like fucking LA and then these visions of like this post-apocalyptic like just riots and fires and I'm like, just get out. 0.95

01:25:51.000 And then I realize... 0.98

01:25:53.000 I don't know shit about wilderness and nature. 0.98

01:25:56.000 But you could learn. 1.00

01:25:57.000 You could learn all that shit. 1.00

01:25:58.000 You could learn all that shit. 1.00

01:26:00.000 The driving in the snow is difficult, but people have done it. 1.00

01:26:03.000 A lot of people moved from California to Boulder after the 94 earthquake.

01:26:08.000 93 earthquake?

01:26:09.000 Yeah, that's about right.

01:26:10.000 Whatever it was.

01:26:10.000 That big earth, the Northridge earthquake.

01:26:13.000 I think your instinct is to go colder, mountainous, and I think mine would be to go South America.

01:26:20.000 Growing up in Boston, there's something that I appreciate about cold weather because it gives you a certain respect for the possibilities that Mother Nature can throw at you on a regular basis.

01:26:30.000 And it sounds ridiculous to want to put yourself through that.

01:26:34.000 And when I was young, I mostly was a person who sought comfort.

01:26:39.000 So I wanted to get out of the snow and get out of all that as much as possible and find a nice place so I could take a nap.

01:26:44.000 But as I've got older, I've realized that that's one of the things that sort of steals you as a human being, is overcoming adversity and dealing with difficult situations.

01:26:55.000 And I think it's good to know that winter's coming.

01:26:58.000 Do you like traveling overseas?

01:27:00.000 Yeah, I don't mind it.

01:27:01.000 I don't like plane flights.

01:27:03.000 I love going to different cultures. 1.00

01:27:05.000 The plane flights are just such a motherfucker. 0.96

01:27:07.000 But I love being in any new cultures. 0.95

01:27:11.000 It's so interesting to me that people can develop on the same planet in different areas geographically and have completely different sets of values and ideals.

01:27:24.000 Comparing their takes on family and politics.

01:27:28.000 It's fascinating to me.

01:27:30.000 Endlessly, endlessly fascinating to me that we can all exist in 2013 but be very, very, very different.

01:27:36.000 That's why Ensign on the podcast last night was talking a lot about Japan.

01:27:40.000 We were talking about Japanese culture and why he loves it so much and the Japanese people and how...

01:27:44.000 How well they responded to the Fukushima incident.

01:27:48.000 All those people orderly in line waiting for, you know, for aid.

01:27:53.000 You know, it's crazy.

01:27:54.000 Japanese are the only ones in all of Asia that will wait in line. 0.99

01:27:59.000 So disciplined.

01:28:01.000 Because there's a social contract with everyone. 0.94

01:28:04.000 And I'm not saying that our culture sucks and their culture is better.

01:28:07.000 I'm not saying that. 0.88

01:28:08.000 I mean, people get real nationalistic.

01:28:11.000 A lot of people have gotten upset with me about a lot of the things that I've said about America on the podcast. 1.00

01:28:15.000 They say a lot of silly shit. 1.00

01:28:18.000 Fuck Canada. 1.00

01:28:20.000 I'm not saying. 1.00

01:28:21.000 I don't believe.

01:28:22.000 I believe in humans.

01:28:23.000 I love America.

01:28:23.000 I believe in humans.

01:28:24.000 I hate Canada.

01:28:27.000 And in that sense, I love the concept of America more than any nation in the world, other than the military-industrial complex aspect.

01:28:33.000 I don't remember that when the earthquake was, 93, 94, but people surprised me.

01:28:38.000 They were helping each other.

01:28:39.000 I mean, they were amazing. 0.99

01:28:41.000 The people who usually don't like each other, they set that shit aside, and they were helping each other. 0.99

01:28:46.000 I was listening to a lecture on this. 0.98

01:28:47.000 You want to hear something funny about the complexities of human behavior and emotions?

01:28:52.000 It's like, you know, when people are like, hey, how come...

01:28:56.000 Is it possible?

01:28:58.000 Can we not be happy and sad at the same time, right?

01:29:01.000 Yeah.

01:29:01.000 So the earthquake happened, right?

01:29:03.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:29:04.000 And it just shook the shit out of my house. 0.90

01:29:06.000 Like my cousin almost got flattened by like this giant dresser. 0.97

01:29:09.000 Right.

01:29:09.000 And I lived on a street with a lot of old people.

01:29:13.000 So me and my brother went and we went around the block helping all these old people turn off their gas line so that they're There was an old couple trying to find their gas line with a lighter on. 0.79

01:29:24.000 Oh my god.

01:29:25.000 So we went around the whole block with a flashlight and we made sure everyone had their gas line off so that the neighborhood wouldn't explode.

01:29:33.000 And then after that, then we went looting.

01:29:39.000 I'm on your team! 1.00

01:29:40.000 Fuck it, that's what insurance is for. 1.00

01:29:42.000 I'm on your team. 1.00

01:29:43.000 You did the right thing for humanity, and you took advantage of a disenfranchised situation you found yourself in because of the inequities of the situation, the different system that's what we operate under right now.

01:29:54.000 I didn't know that. 0.98

01:29:56.000 Yeah, we want to make sure everyone's alright, everyone in the neighborhood's cool, and then go get some fucking... 0.97

01:30:00.000 The inequities of the situation you find yourself in forced you to drastic actions. 0.96

01:30:04.000 There's nothing wrong with what you did.

01:30:05.000 You did the right thing.

01:30:07.000 Humanly, humanitarian-wise with your friends?

01:30:10.000 Good for you, man. 0.95

01:30:12.000 I was listening to a lecture on this very subject today on the way over here, just coincidentally, completely coincidentally, and the guy was saying that one of the issues that we have with modern culture and the attitude of modern society when you watch the Kardashian show or you watch nonsensical bullshit on TV,

01:30:31.000 immerse yourself in the sort of culture of gossip...

01:30:36.000 The reason for that is because we are in a situation where we have a massive abundance of resources.

01:30:42.000 Where everyone can get gas on every corner and you can go to a store.

01:30:47.000 You have choice.

01:30:47.000 And even if you're poor, you can afford fatty foods.

01:30:49.000 So that lack of need for character and lack of need for... 0.99

01:30:57.000 Any sort of real drastic effort to overcome your environment, like everybody else all over the world, allows us to get really fucking cunty and really stupid and soft and lazy because we only have to do as much work as we need to survive. 1.00

01:31:13.000 But when survival is easy, then your brain is left to fucking dwell on stupid shit like the Kardashians or like, you know, who wore this dress better or why does this guy have a car like that and I got this piece of shit, you know? 1.00

01:31:25.000 I call it the toilet paper situation. 1.00

01:31:27.000 So, going back to the Congo, when I was in the Congo, I realized a lot of places, they don't have toilet paper, like, even in, like, just public restrooms and stuff. 0.97

01:31:37.000 And for those who don't know, I need to shit a lot, you know? 0.97

01:31:41.000 For those who don't know! 0.99

01:31:43.000 Like, I need to shit all the time, and especially in a country like that where shit is definitely coming, I need a toilet paper. 0.99

01:31:49.000 So, I went to their version of a supermarket, which was just sparse. 0.99

01:31:52.000 They had nothing.

01:31:53.000 And I was like, I need that.

01:31:55.000 In the Congo, as a supermarket.

01:31:56.000 Well, in Brazzaville, the city part, before I went into the jungle.

01:31:59.000 So I went in and you go to the section and you go, where's the toilet paper?

01:32:04.000 And there's the toilet paper.

01:32:05.000 It's just there.

01:32:06.000 And then you're like, okay, it's just a thing of toilet paper and you buy it.

01:32:10.000 And then reflecting later on when I'm here and I go to Ralph's and I'm standing in the aisle of the toilet paper...

01:32:17.000 There's, like, 50 different brands.

01:32:19.000 There's two-ply, four-ply, quilted, scented, unscented, and you're just sitting there, and I'm like, which one should I get? 0.99

01:32:26.000 Like, which one will feel the best on my asshole lips? 0.99

01:32:29.000 Like, which, you know? 0.99

01:32:30.000 And then the next thing you realize, you're like, I just spent, like, 10 minutes, you know, thinking about something that most people never have to, like, think about, you know?

01:32:37.000 Like, it's...

01:32:38.000 Right.

01:32:38.000 And then you have all this extra time, like, Well, that's why people look down on Americans.

01:32:44.000 They look down on Americans because we're supposedly at the peak of the abundance pyramid.

01:32:48.000 We're the most ridiculous as far as our consumption and our attitude towards consumerism and material possessions that we eclipse. 0.97

01:32:56.000 We eclipse the rest of the world in our ridiculousness. 0.98

01:32:58.000 And then, as evidence of that, we provide to you this reality television culture that has sweeped the nation. 0.91

01:33:04.000 And it's just more and more ridiculous attention focused on people that are completely undeserving of it. 0.50

01:33:10.000 Well, why is that coming from America? 0.69

01:33:13.000 Well, most likely, because we're the ones with the most guns. 0.94

01:33:15.000 We're the biggest bullies.

01:33:17.000 We're the ones who control the military aspect of the majority of the country.

01:33:21.000 The majority of the world, rather. 1.00

01:33:23.000 And because of that, the people that sit here in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world, we're weak. 1.00

01:33:32.000 We're soft. 1.00

01:33:33.000 We're weak bitches. 1.00

01:33:34.000 That's why we appreciate character. 0.99

01:33:35.000 We appreciate when someone...

01:33:36.000 We appreciate Survivorman, which used to be like everyday life a hundred years ago. 0.99

01:33:40.000 We appreciate the idea that, oh, he goes to the fucking jungle for seven days. 0.98

01:33:45.000 People live in the jungle all year round. 1.00

01:33:48.000 That's their life.

01:33:50.000 We are so weak that a day without food is, what did you do?

01:33:54.000 That's most of the world. 0.98

01:33:57.000 There's many days where you're not going to find something to eat, and you're going to get desperate, and then you're going to get some ingenuity together to find something to fucking eat.

01:34:06.000 And that's how people survive to get this far along the evolutionary food chain in the first place. 1.00

01:34:14.000 Yoshi, with your ass eating. 1.00

01:34:16.000 The reason why you're eating ass is because you don't have to go out there and fish for a living. 1.00

01:34:19.000 Yeah, I mean, Yoshi loves salad, you know? 0.99

01:34:22.000 If you were out there catching salmon all day to try to feed your family in Alaska.

01:34:26.000 I need to eat a soup plantation. 0.99

01:34:28.000 I got pasta salad.

01:34:30.000 All you can eat, tossed salad.

01:34:32.000 My favorite impersonals.

01:34:35.000 I watch those shows in Alaska where they build fish wheels.

01:34:40.000 There's all these shows where these people live in Alaska.

01:34:43.000 They just live off the land.

01:34:45.000 Most of them don't have any jobs.

01:34:46.000 They're just hunting, farming, and catching fish, and then they huddle in for the winter.

01:34:52.000 Well, they developed this thing called a fish wheel, and they make it out of logs, and it's this huge net-like thing that just spins with the current, and it keeps rolling.

01:35:02.000 And as it rolls, it just scoops fish out of the water and drops them into a bucket.

01:35:07.000 It's really wild, and it's ingenious, because they invented this up there independently in Alaska.

01:35:15.000 Hundreds of years ago.

01:35:16.000 Who knows when the invention of the fish wheel was?

01:35:19.000 It might have been decades.

01:35:20.000 Whatever. 0.99

01:35:21.000 What the fuck do I know? 0.99

01:35:21.000 Have you been out there? 0.99

01:35:22.000 Alaskan historian?

01:35:23.000 No.

01:35:23.000 But I'm going there with Ari Shafir.

01:35:25.000 We're going there this spring.

01:35:26.000 Dude, check this out, Joe.

01:35:26.000 Settle down, Anchorage.

01:35:28.000 We're on our way.

01:35:29.000 We're figuring out how to do this.

01:35:30.000 We're going to do this on the day where you guys have the most salmon.

01:35:33.000 Whatever that part of the year is, because Ari and I are going to do one show and then go salmon.

01:35:37.000 Definitely figure out when that fishing season is, or when it's close to the end.

01:35:42.000 Because that trip, the Vice Show, the thumbs up, when I hitchhiked from Tijuana to Alaska, when we got to Alaska, do you think that they would have hot strippers in Alaska?

01:35:52.000 I would assume that if I was a stripper, and I wanted to make some real money, and if I was ambitious, I would fly to where there's no chicks. 1.00

01:36:02.000 And that's where Alaska is.

01:36:03.000 Correct, sir.

01:36:04.000 This is what happens in Alaska. 1.00

01:36:05.000 Ruthless bitches. 1.00

01:36:06.000 These girls, these ruthless bitches that are smart and ambitious. 1.00

01:36:10.000 And willing to go to a place where you can freeze to death. 0.99

01:36:12.000 You know these guys, they go out on the boats for months, right?

01:36:14.000 Yeah.

01:36:15.000 And then they catch all these crazy fish and crab and whatever.

01:36:18.000 And then they come back and they get paid like 20 grand cash or whatever.

01:36:21.000 And then what do they do?

01:36:22.000 They go straight to the strip club. 0.88

01:36:24.000 So these girls, they figured out to go to a strip club in Anchorage or whatever. 1.00

01:36:30.000 And so...

01:36:31.000 When I went, the chicks are like the hottest chicks ever, and none of them are from Alaska. 0.98

01:36:34.000 They just flew in for fishing season. 1.00

01:36:37.000 Fucking mercenaries. 1.00

01:36:38.000 Goddamn mercenaries! 1.00

01:36:40.000 I love it. 1.00

01:36:41.000 I love that's human ingenuity, man.

01:36:43.000 Yeah.

01:36:43.000 That's figuring out the fish wheel.

01:36:44.000 Right. 0.99

01:36:44.000 These bitches invented a fish wheel. 0.99

01:36:46.000 They're like, why are we wasting our time in Bismarck, South Dakota, where we can't make a net goal, when you can fly to Alaska, and these motherfuckers have money, and they're horny as shit. 1.00

01:36:54.000 Right. 1.00

01:36:55.000 And you just go.

01:36:55.000 How many of those girls turn tricks?

01:36:58.000 I have no idea.

01:36:59.000 They probably don't have to.

01:37:01.000 Yeah, I mean, these guys are like, they've just been around fish and other men on a little tiny boat for like months.

01:37:07.000 Even with jeans on, they probably shoot right in their pants.

01:37:10.000 Yeah, they got those slickers on and they're shooting pants through like thick rubber and whatever. 0.95

01:37:14.000 I couldn't imagine what it's like to be on a boat for months with a bunch of dudes unless you were gay. 0.99

01:37:20.000 Gay for the stay. 0.99

01:37:21.000 But the idea of no sex at all for months and months at a time. 0.97

01:37:25.000 Why am I doing this?

01:37:26.000 Oh, because I'm going to catch crabs. 0.98

01:37:28.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.85

01:37:29.000 I'm not catching crabs. 0.99

01:37:31.000 I don't have that kind of time.

01:37:34.000 Hey, Joe, let me ask you.

01:37:35.000 I was watching the DMT experience on Netflix, and you were the host.

01:37:42.000 Oh, DMT, The Spirit Molecule?

01:37:43.000 Yeah.

01:37:44.000 So you've done it before.

01:37:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:46.000 Are you done with it, or do you keep doing it?

01:37:50.000 The real problem with that discussion is that DMT is incredibly illegal.

01:37:54.000 I did it for the first time last year.

01:38:00.000 Continuing to do it.

01:38:01.000 Oh, right, right.

01:38:01.000 Then people go, where are you getting this?

01:38:03.000 Right, right, right.

01:38:03.000 If anybody finds anybody...

01:38:05.000 Well, it just became illegal, right?

01:38:07.000 No, no.

01:38:07.000 It's been illegal for a while?

01:38:08.000 It was made illegal in the sweeping act of, I think it was 1970, the Psychedelics Act.

01:38:14.000 But what's interesting is that 5-MeO-DMT, which is...

01:38:20.000 Just as powerful.

01:38:21.000 I think gram for gram, it's more potent than NN dimethyltryptamine.

01:38:25.000 DMT is dimethyltryptamine. 0.99

01:38:27.000 This 5-MeO shit used to be legal. 0.99

01:38:29.000 We used to buy it on the internet. 1.00

01:38:31.000 We used to be able to buy like a bucket of it.

01:38:33.000 It wasn't that much.

01:38:35.000 And you only need like a pinch of that stuff and you get blasted to the center of the universe.

01:38:41.000 So while marijuana was illegal, You could order DMT online.

01:38:46.000 The first time I did DMT, I did 5-MEO, and I did it with a bunch of friends, and one of them ordered it online. 1.00

01:38:53.000 He ordered it, and he brought it over to my house, and he had a fucking container of this shit. 0.99

01:38:58.000 And we're like, where'd you get this? 1.00

01:38:59.000 He goes, I got it online.

01:39:00.000 I'm like...

01:39:02.000 You can just buy it online?

01:39:04.000 And is it real?

01:39:05.000 And he smoked it and got blasted to the center of the universe.

01:39:08.000 And I was like, okay, am I next?

01:39:10.000 And we all sat around on my couch, and I had a remote control for the lights.

01:39:14.000 And we would hit it, and then there was like four of us in the room.

01:39:17.000 We would hit it, and then when the guy took a hit, boom, I would hit the lights, and the lights would go off.

01:39:22.000 And then ten minutes later, the next dude would hit it.

01:39:25.000 Whoa.

01:39:25.000 It was pretty intense.

01:39:26.000 It was a really unique experience.

01:39:29.000 How long does it last?

01:39:30.000 No more than like 10 minutes.

01:39:32.000 You ever did the ayahuasca?

01:39:34.000 No, I have not done that, but I'm going with, well, we've made plans to go.

01:39:39.000 Dennis McKenna wants to take me.

01:39:40.000 You should take this guy with you.

01:39:41.000 I'll take Yoshi.

01:39:42.000 Do you want to go Yoshi?

01:39:43.000 Dave did it.

01:39:44.000 Would you do it, Yoshi?

01:39:45.000 If you go, I will do it.

01:39:46.000 Okay.

01:39:46.000 Would you let us film it all?

01:39:48.000 Would you want to be with us?

01:39:49.000 We'll film it?

01:39:50.000 Yes, please.

01:39:50.000 You can be a part of it.

01:39:52.000 It'd be fun.

01:39:52.000 Joe, I had never done drugs in my entire life.

01:39:55.000 I'm 36. I'd never done it in my entire life.

01:39:56.000 Do you want to come with us?

01:39:57.000 Where are you going to go?

01:39:58.000 I don't know.

01:39:58.000 Colombia.

01:39:59.000 I think we're going to go to Peru.

01:40:01.000 I went to Colombia to do it.

01:40:02.000 And the selling point for me was the guy that was like my therapist at the time was like, he's like, I could tell you have a very short attention span.

01:40:12.000 You get bored with things very easily.

01:40:15.000 You know, we could make some progress with you just through like normal therapy and these kinds of things over the course of years.

01:40:21.000 Or you can have 10 years of psychotherapy in one night where you experience like all these things.

01:40:26.000 And I was like, yeah, what is that?

01:40:27.000 And he told me it was ayahuasca.

01:40:29.000 So then I went to do it in the jungle in Colombia with him.

01:40:33.000 And it was exactly that.

01:40:34.000 I mean, it was like...

01:40:36.000 Completely, like, life-changing and therapeutic.

01:40:39.000 Ayahuasca is a...

01:40:40.000 And it lasted hours.

01:40:42.000 You know, it lasted, like...

01:40:43.000 Well, I had never done anything, so it lasted for me more than any other people there.

01:40:48.000 But, yeah, I mean... 1.00

01:40:51.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:40:51.000 If you took Yoshi, all this fucking darkness inside of him, maybe it'd cure his AIDS. Well, you know, I know Yoshi. 1.00

01:40:58.000 I think Yoshi's a beautiful person.

01:41:00.000 He is a beautiful person.

01:41:01.000 He had some bad circumstances as a young man, and he reacted to those circumstances.

01:41:08.000 Outside of that, he's a great guy.

01:41:09.000 No, he is a great guy.

01:41:10.000 When I see Yoshi, I see a guy who was born into a situation that he had no control over and he reacted accordingly.

01:41:17.000 Right.

01:41:18.000 The idea of ayahuasca being a one-day fix-it is kind of tricky because it might not fix you.

01:41:27.000 It might just freak you the fuck out and bring you back to the drawing board.

01:41:31.000 Right.

01:41:31.000 And cause psychological instability.

01:41:34.000 Awesome. 0.99

01:41:34.000 Joe, I'm really dumb. 0.99

01:41:36.000 Can you explain to me? 0.98

01:41:37.000 I don't know exactly what it is.

01:41:39.000 Okay.

01:41:40.000 DMT is dimethyltryptamine.

01:41:43.000 And it's produced in a bunch of different organs.

01:41:48.000 We know the liver produces it, the lungs produce it.

01:41:52.000 Yeah, it's in everything.

01:41:53.000 They believe it's also produced by the brain in a gland called the pineal gland.

01:41:58.000 The evidence for that is disputed.

01:42:01.000 It's kind of more anecdotal than anything.

01:42:04.000 But in Eastern mysticism, all of the images of the third eye, that is the pineal gland.

01:42:10.000 If you see all these different deities with the glowing third eye, that's the pineal gland.

01:42:19.000 It's the chemical, I think they say, It's produced when you dream and then when you're born and when you die.

01:42:25.000 Well, during heavy REM sleep, they believe your brain produces more of it and they also believe that it might be responsible for alien abductions.

01:42:33.000 There's a lot of theories about that because DMT is produced during REM sleep, and most of the alien abduction experiences occur at night.

01:42:42.000 And the idea is, well, you're saying these people are dreaming, but they know it really happened.

01:42:47.000 No, I'm saying it doesn't mean either or. 0.98

01:42:52.000 Just because they're having these crazy, fucked up experiences doesn't mean that crazy, fucked up experiences isn't a reality. 0.97

01:42:59.000 It just might be... 0.99

01:43:04.000 Right.

01:43:19.000 You're having some sort of an experience.

01:43:21.000 You're taking in information.

01:43:23.000 There's unique ones and zeros that are entering into your mind that are allowing you to form a new version of the world.

01:43:30.000 Well, when the drug experience under DMT, which is, again, the quicker acting form of ayahuasca, the active contents in ayahuasca, Whatever that is, is a very potent experience.

01:43:45.000 Whether it's real or not, it's silly to judge.

01:43:48.000 The idea that you can't hit it with a hammer so it's not real.

01:43:51.000 You can't put it on a scale so it's not real.

01:43:53.000 You can't measure it with a ruler.

01:43:55.000 That to me is why it was life-changing because I could have a dream and I'll be like, oh, I felt like I just dreamt that I flew, right?

01:44:04.000 But like Joe was saying, this thing makes you actually feel like you had just flown.

01:44:10.000 So ayahuasca is the same thing?

01:44:12.000 Well, you know, it's like people say, well, it wasn't real.

01:44:15.000 It doesn't matter.

01:44:15.000 It's exactly the same as if it was real.

01:44:18.000 Let's be very scientific here.

01:44:21.000 Let's say you were having a hallucination, and that hallucination lasted one hour, and in that one hour, this chemical perturbed your normal sense of visual stimulation and input to the mind, and it gave you a distorted perception of reality.

01:44:38.000 Right.

01:44:38.000 And then let's say, so let's say that's option A, and then let's say option B is you took magic fairy dust that brought you to an enchanted land that couldn't have possibly been accessed without it, and in that world you communicated with impossibly intelligent entities that broke down the universe for you in a way that you could understand in your brief time there.

01:45:04.000 And then let's look at those two things and say, Regardless of which one is true, they both achieve the exact same result.

01:45:12.000 You have the exact same experience.

01:45:14.000 That was fantastic.

01:45:15.000 Whether it's perturbing your sense of visual input to the mind, or whether it's you really go to a magic fairyland and communicate with God, the same thing happens.

01:45:27.000 You can make noises with your mouth and use the cultural context of written language and historical reference To sort of put it in a position where you can explain it to a group of people that are not going to make fun of you. 0.97

01:45:38.000 But the reality of it is, all culture aside, all language aside, all preconceived notions aside, you're having the same fucking experience. 0.89

01:45:46.000 So was it life-changing for you then? 0.96

01:45:48.000 I got a tattoo on my arm.

01:45:50.000 Whoa.

01:45:51.000 That's a DMT molecule right there.

01:45:53.000 Alright, aside from the tattoo, was it like changing?

01:45:56.000 Yeah, it changed the way I look at the whole universe.

01:45:58.000 Yeah, me too.

01:45:59.000 I sort of understand after...

01:46:02.000 I mean, I understand, first of all, that I don't really understand any of it.

01:46:05.000 Right.

01:46:06.000 But I understood after I did it that my whole idea of the world that I had used as a reference, that I had used as like, this is this, and this is that, and this is the banking system, and this is the government,

01:46:21.000 and this is...

01:46:22.000 It became ridiculous. 0.91

01:46:24.000 It all became ridiculous. 0.94

01:46:27.000 And the idea that this could exist and that I couldn't know about it, that I could have been living my life, it became infantile. 0.81

01:46:34.000 The universe became infantile.

01:46:36.000 Everything.

01:46:37.000 Sex, money, driving, it all became infantile.

01:46:41.000 I mean, you're taking the words right out of my mouth. 1.00

01:46:43.000 It just shows you the ridiculous... 0.88

01:46:45.000 It was completely life-changing for me. 0.95

01:46:48.000 But here's the danger in it, I think, is...

01:46:51.000 When I start going off on it, because I didn't get a tattoo of it, but I'm super passionate about it now, because it did completely alter my vision of how I see things, is I start to sound like a maniac when I start talking about it too much.

01:47:05.000 Welcome to my world!

01:47:07.000 And when you start talking about it and get super passionate about it, you know...

01:47:11.000 Sound crazy. 0.98

01:47:12.000 Yeah, but then I'm aware of the perception of like, oh, Dave sounds fucking like a maniac and crazy, and he's talking about this weird drug, and then... 0.98

01:47:21.000 The thing about it is I did it in Colombia with like 20 other people. 0.78

01:47:27.000 Who are these 20 other people?

01:47:28.000 You know, it was like this trip, arranged trip, and it's like, it's exactly who you thought.

01:47:33.000 They're like weird hippie type people, you know.

01:47:35.000 The fact that this thing exists and that it only attracts these like weird, like dreadlocked white people. 0.95

01:47:42.000 Fringy people. 0.84

01:47:43.000 Fringy people. 0.99

01:47:44.000 When if the right people did it, basically I think everyone should do it, but if the right people that, That didn't hear it and, oh man, that sounds like fucking crazy hippie bullshit, you know? 0.99

01:47:55.000 It could literally change the world. 0.98

01:47:58.000 It could change the consciousness of the whole planet. 0.98

01:48:00.000 It really could, and it sounds stupid, especially coming from me, because my credibility is limited. 0.96

01:48:05.000 Me too. 0.98

01:48:05.000 I hosted Fear Factor, and I do cage-fighting commentary, and I do a podcast under the influence of illegal drugs. 0.98

01:48:12.000 So it's like, look at all those equations, only illegal federally.

01:48:16.000 Why did you have to go to Jungle, though?

01:48:17.000 Why can't you just...

01:48:18.000 Because it's illegal in the United States.

01:48:19.000 I didn't even know that.

01:48:20.000 It's Schedule 1. It is one of the most illegal drugs in the world, along with marijuana.

01:48:25.000 Which, by the way, the idea of Schedule 1 is that it has no medical use, which is hilarious because there is medical marijuana approved in California.

01:48:34.000 It's been proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that it helps in a lot of different areas.

01:48:37.000 It helps people with cancer.

01:48:39.000 It helps people going through chemo to get their appetite back.

01:48:42.000 It helps people with glaucoma by reducing interocular pressure.

01:48:47.000 It helps people with ADD. The idea that there's no medical benefits of it just because it's not...

01:48:53.000 And then they make a pill for it. 1.00

01:48:54.000 They make fucking... 1.00

01:48:56.000 That THC pill, whatever the fuck it's called. 1.00

01:48:59.000 I don't even want to say it because I don't want anybody to buy it. 1.00

01:49:01.000 It's because it's horseshit. 0.94

01:49:03.000 They make a synthetic THC pill which doesn't have nearly the effects of edible cannabis. 0.99

01:49:10.000 That's something that we were talking about before the show where it's like brownies fuck you up. 1.00

01:49:15.000 They don't just fuck you up because weed fucks you up. 0.99

01:49:18.000 They fuck you up because when you eat it, it produces a completely different chemical in your body. 0.99

01:49:25.000 When THC is consumed in an edible form, it produces something called 11-hydroxymetabolite, which is like five times more psychoactive than THC. I believe it. 0.99

01:49:37.000 Yeah, you know why that weird feeling that you get when you eat a brownie?

01:49:40.000 I'm going to never forget this, man.

01:49:41.000 My friend Brett had a company What he was trying to do when the medical marijuana movement first started, he had this company that was making THC pills.

01:49:54.000 And I don't know what he did to fucking get this stuff into a pill form, but he had, this is my strong one and this is my medium one.

01:50:01.000 If you're gonna take the medium one, only take one. 0.97

01:50:04.000 I'm like, well, why do you have a strong one?

01:50:06.000 He goes, I don't know.

01:50:07.000 Eddie Bravo takes both of them.

01:50:09.000 He takes at least...

01:50:11.000 He either took two strong ones or two medium ones.

01:50:15.000 Whatever he did.

01:50:16.000 I took one.

01:50:17.000 And maybe an hour and a half later, I was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my entire life.

01:50:24.000 Where I was so terrified of everything.

01:50:27.000 I was looking at people, and they became two-dimensional, and I was seeing their souls peeking behind while they were talking to me.

01:50:36.000 And it became incredibly psychedelic, way more psychedelic than weed.

01:50:40.000 And I didn't understand about the 11-hydroxy-metabolite thing then, but I talked to my friend Todd McCormick, who's this medical marijuana activist and professional natural deodorant user.

01:50:53.000 Right, Brian?

01:50:53.000 Stinky!

01:50:55.000 Brilliant guy when it comes to medical marijuana. 0.83

01:50:59.000 He actually did time.

01:51:01.000 He was one of the first guys to do time in California because they wouldn't let him use the term medical marijuana.

01:51:08.000 Even though he was operating under state law, when they bring you to court, because it's a federal trial, they don't even allow you to use the term medical marijuana.

01:51:18.000 That term, you can't say it in court.

01:51:20.000 If you say it, you'll go to jail.

01:51:22.000 So what do you say?

01:51:23.000 You got to say I grew marijuana and sold it.

01:51:25.000 And then they say, well, you're a criminal.

01:51:27.000 And then he goes, well, I was operating under state law. 1.00

01:51:30.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:51:31.000 You can't bring up state law in a federal court. 1.00

01:51:33.000 It's incredible.

01:51:35.000 And he wound up doing time.

01:51:37.000 But he's the perfect person.

01:51:39.000 He's like, I can always call him.

01:51:41.000 He's a grower, so I can call him up.

01:51:42.000 And I go, what is that? 0.99

01:51:43.000 Why the fuck am I getting so high? 0.99

01:51:45.000 And he goes, oh, you got to understand. 1.00

01:51:49.000 Do you smoke weed every day?

01:51:50.000 No.

01:51:51.000 I don't like to do anything every day.

01:51:53.000 Oh, okay.

01:51:53.000 I don't think you should do anything every day.

01:51:55.000 But when you do, do you smoke, like, I don't smoke weed or any of that stuff.

01:51:59.000 I don't even eat every day.

01:52:00.000 I like taking days off of eating.

01:52:02.000 You like fast and stuff?

01:52:03.000 Not even fast.

01:52:04.000 I just drink water and take a day off of eating.

01:52:06.000 I've done that before.

01:52:09.000 Here's my problem with fasting, the same problem I have with healing.

01:52:13.000 What are you talking about?

01:52:14.000 I'm a healer. 1.00

01:52:15.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:52:16.000 You're not a healer. 1.00

01:52:17.000 Stop.

01:52:17.000 You might give good massages.

01:52:19.000 You're not a fucking healer, you crazy bitch. 1.00

01:52:21.000 I just started getting rolfing done. 1.00

01:52:26.000 You know what rolfing done?

01:52:26.000 It's like super painful deep tissue massage.

01:52:29.000 Okay.

01:52:29.000 And I read a bunch of different websites.

01:52:32.000 I was looking for someone who does rolfing in the LA area.

01:52:35.000 And I read this one lady's bio, and it was like, I always knew from the moment I was a child that I had natural healing in my hands.

01:52:42.000 This is what I'm talking about, Joe. 0.99

01:52:43.000 All this shit that, like, you... 1.00

01:52:46.000 Like, it's good shit, but it only attracts, like, weird... 1.00

01:52:49.000 Weirdos. 1.00

01:52:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:50.000 Well, because, you know, there's a lot of fuckery in the world. 1.00

01:52:53.000 There's a lot of fuckery. 1.00

01:52:54.000 Psychics, there's a lot of fuckery. 1.00

01:52:55.000 You at least jerk off every day, though, right? 1.00

01:52:57.000 Me? 0.99

01:52:57.000 Or you take days off? 0.99

01:52:58.000 I've taken many days off.

01:53:00.000 I've never taken a day off.

01:53:01.000 No more than 30 in a row.

01:53:02.000 I'm a hard worker when it comes to that.

01:53:03.000 I did that once for a website project.

01:53:06.000 What?

01:53:06.000 How was the longest?

01:53:07.000 I took 30 days off. 0.87

01:53:09.000 30 days off jerking off. 0.99

01:53:10.000 It was ridiculous. 0.99

01:53:10.000 Were you just, like, leaking everywhere? 0.99

01:53:12.000 I was getting boners from hugs.

01:53:13.000 People were giving me hugs.

01:53:14.000 You were getting boner hugs? 0.98

01:53:16.000 Full on boners. 0.98

01:53:17.000 Boner hugs are pretty fantastic.

01:53:19.000 It was amazing.

01:53:20.000 I was like, wow.

01:53:21.000 When I first came to LA, I had a girlfriend in New York.

01:53:25.000 And we were kind of like on the outs when I first moved to LA. And I was figuring out whether or not I should move her in with me or bring her out here or whatever.

01:53:34.000 And I was out here working on a TV show for like two weeks by myself, just living in the Oakwoods apartment complex.

01:53:41.000 And I was on the set.

01:53:43.000 And this girl, she said something the girl I was working with, and we laughed, and she said, oh, give me a hug.

01:53:48.000 And she gave me this big, giant hug.

01:53:50.000 And you came into her belly button? 0.97

01:53:51.000 No, man.

01:53:52.000 I got her pregnant. 1.00

01:53:56.000 Just the hug felt so good.

01:53:58.000 Wow.

01:53:58.000 It was like I was on empty, and I pulled into the gas station, and she filled me up like, oh.

01:54:05.000 And then I realized, as a human being, at that point, I was in my 20s, I was still pretty fucking stupid. 0.94

01:54:11.000 But I realized, as a human being, that the human touch, it's not just a luxury. 0.98

01:54:18.000 Right.

01:54:18.000 That it's a staple.

01:54:19.000 It's a staple for mental management.

01:54:21.000 Right.

01:54:25.000 It's not an inconvenience.

01:54:28.000 It's unhealthy.

01:54:29.000 It's bad for your body.

01:54:31.000 There was something going on. 0.99

01:54:34.000 And again, you can't measure it in the fucking milligrams of vitamin C or caffeine or alcohol. 0.98

01:54:40.000 But there was a reaction in my body that was very real when that girl hugged me. 0.98

01:54:44.000 I felt so much better.

01:54:46.000 And I'll never forget that because I'm like, okay, well I have to realize that this is a real, this is something, there's one more thing that we can't measure in conventional terms but that it actually exists and is tangible in its effect.

01:54:59.000 Well, I mean, I come from a family of huge huggers.

01:55:03.000 That's awesome. 0.97

01:55:03.000 My parents hug the shit out of me. 0.97

01:55:05.000 That's very unusual for Asian. 1.00

01:55:06.000 My dad kisses me on my mouth.

01:55:08.000 That's beautiful.

01:55:09.000 No tongue or tongue?

01:55:11.000 Sometimes a little bit of tongue.

01:55:12.000 Especially after whiskey breath, right?

01:55:14.000 And then in the time that I met Yoshi, you know, have you ever tried, like, you know, I hug all my friends.

01:55:20.000 Right.

01:55:21.000 This is the most awkward guy ever.

01:55:23.000 I hug Yoshi all the time. 0.98

01:55:24.000 I know, but he's like, he doesn't, here, hug the shit out of this guy. 0.98

01:55:29.000 All right. 0.99

01:55:31.000 All right!

01:55:34.000 Stop! 1.00

01:55:40.000 Jesus. 0.54

01:55:41.000 That, ladies and gentlemen, was the gayest moment ever on our podcast. 0.98

01:55:45.000 He just came in his pants. 0.97

01:55:46.000 And we've had gay people on. 0.99

01:55:47.000 Have we had gay people on? 1.00

01:55:49.000 Confirmed.

01:55:49.000 You know what?

01:55:50.000 I don't think we have.

01:55:51.000 That drawing I gave you makes so much more sense now.

01:55:53.000 I think we need to get a gay representation.

01:55:56.000 Oh, by the way, we're going to have Melissa Etheridge on the podcast.

01:55:58.000 Are you serious?

01:55:59.000 Yeah, Melissa Etheridge actually asked to be on the podcast.

01:56:02.000 Her publicist content.

01:56:04.000 I hope she doesn't yell at me for my cartoonish portrayal of lesbians. 0.99

01:56:07.000 Dude, that's fucking awesome. 0.99

01:56:09.000 That's cool, man. 0.98

01:56:10.000 I hope she actually likes it.

01:56:11.000 I like lesbians. 1.00

01:56:12.000 This might not be a friendly visit.

01:56:17.000 I'm just kidding, but we need more gay representation on this podcast.

01:56:21.000 I don't think she's gay, is she? 0.98

01:56:22.000 Oh no, she's a lesbian. 1.00

01:56:24.000 It's different. 0.90

01:56:26.000 I always trip on the word gay anyway.

01:56:29.000 Look at how uncomfortable he looks.

01:56:30.000 No, I'm good. 0.96

01:56:32.000 Check to see if he has a boner. 1.00

01:56:34.000 You just got rape hugged. 0.99

01:56:36.000 Yoshi's a good man. 0.98

01:56:37.000 No, he's a great guy.

01:56:38.000 He's just very awkward with human touch.

01:56:40.000 Yoshi had an awkward life.

01:56:41.000 That's just not me, but that's not a very common thing in Japan.

01:56:44.000 You don't talk about...

01:56:45.000 Yeah, Asians don't hug so much. 1.00

01:56:46.000 Your reality, your situation, your family, you don't want to talk about that.

01:56:50.000 No, I talk to everything.

01:56:51.000 Do you tell everybody the whole story?

01:56:53.000 What you did?

01:56:54.000 Yeah.

01:56:54.000 And why you can't go back to Japan?

01:56:55.000 No, I could go back.

01:56:56.000 I just can't get out.

01:56:57.000 You can't get out once you go back?

01:56:59.000 I would imagine so.

01:57:01.000 There's probably like a...

01:57:01.000 Why is that?

01:57:02.000 There's probably like a criminal record.

01:57:04.000 Yeah.

01:57:05.000 It's a little different because...

01:57:07.000 Tell everybody what happened.

01:57:08.000 If you wanted to...

01:57:09.000 I mean, this is an interesting story.

01:57:10.000 This is the best story ever.

01:57:11.000 Yeah, well...

01:57:13.000 If you want to.

01:57:14.000 No, it's not a problem at all.

01:57:16.000 That's the only reason why I brought this up, because I know you're pretty adamant about expressing yourself all the time.

01:57:23.000 I would say before I finish, start the story, that Dave was arrested in Japan, September of 2003. In the same week, I was in jail in LA County, so I guess we were meant to meet each other.

01:57:35.000 Day apart, 10 years ago, this coming September, we're in jail.

01:57:38.000 Oh, someone sounds like a stalker.

01:57:40.000 That's exactly what I would send Dave in an email if I was trying to get him to get me pregnant. 0.97

01:57:48.000 So, tell us your story.

01:57:50.000 So, I got an email in August 2003 from my cousin, basically...

01:57:56.000 My writing skill in Japanese is not good.

01:57:58.000 So he wrote in English.

01:57:59.000 He basically wrote, Papa dead.

01:58:02.000 That's their nice word.

01:58:03.000 Papa dead.

01:58:03.000 My father was dead.

01:58:04.000 But they didn't know how to write in English.

01:58:06.000 So that's the only thing they wrote.

01:58:07.000 And I called them and find out my dad supposedly killed himself.

01:58:11.000 So within a couple of days, I flew back to Japan and find out what happened.

01:58:15.000 Because I saw him six months before, early 2003. I found out that my stepmother was cheating on my dad before marriage, during marriage, and they're in process of getting divorced, but my dad killed himself.

01:58:27.000 Later on, we don't know for sure if he committed suicide or my stepmother had something to do with his death.

01:58:34.000 We don't know.

01:58:35.000 But during the funeral, I saw my stepmother...

01:58:37.000 She killed him, dude. 0.99

01:58:38.000 You think she killed him? 0.82

01:58:39.000 I think so.

01:58:40.000 Why do you think that?

01:58:40.000 The more I hear this story, she sounds like the most...

01:58:42.000 My cousin's older brother in Korea, she was living in Korea, my stepmother.

01:58:47.000 So my cousin's older brother lives in Korea.

01:58:51.000 They're a virgin FBI. They've checked the background and my stepmother flew in the day before, the last time they saw my dad alive.

01:59:01.000 Doesn't mean that he killed her, but she lied.

01:59:03.000 That she killed him.

01:59:04.000 Yeah, she said that she was in Japan the whole time, and we find out later on.

01:59:08.000 Oh, so she lied.

01:59:08.000 She lied about that.

01:59:09.000 Well, she lied about that.

01:59:11.000 That kind of guilt, lying about where you were?

01:59:13.000 Yeah.

01:59:14.000 That's very suspicious.

01:59:15.000 Yeah.

01:59:15.000 So, doesn't mean she did it?

01:59:17.000 How did he die?

01:59:19.000 Hanging.

01:59:19.000 So, I went to the police station and saw the picture.

01:59:21.000 And he was in the hot sun for like two weeks.

01:59:25.000 So, he was dark.

01:59:27.000 I mean, he looked like...

01:59:28.000 He was hanging outside?

01:59:30.000 Inside, but it's summertime.

01:59:31.000 Japan is so hot and humid.

01:59:34.000 This is how I met Yoshi.

01:59:36.000 What was the joke?

01:59:37.000 It was the darkest joke I've ever heard in my life.

01:59:40.000 What did I say?

01:59:42.000 I'm high.

01:59:43.000 I'm a little high.

01:59:43.000 You're a little high right now?

01:59:44.000 Yoshi's like the way he is.

01:59:45.000 Tell the joke.

01:59:46.000 It's not a joke. 0.99

01:59:48.000 I just say, you know, he was darker than a nigger or whatever. 1.00

01:59:51.000 Oh, Yoshi. 0.97

01:59:53.000 That is not a dark joke or even a good one.

01:59:56.000 That's a racial slur. 1.00

01:59:58.000 It's darker than Bobby Lee's balls. 1.00

02:00:00.000 Does Bobby Lee have dark balls? 1.00

02:00:01.000 Yeah, he has black balls. 1.00

02:00:03.000 I can't approve of that joke. 1.00

02:00:06.000 You don't say that on stage, do you?

02:00:08.000 Yeah, he did. 0.97

02:00:09.000 I was like, this guy's crazy. 1.00

02:00:10.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

02:00:11.000 That's how you ended your act or something. 1.00

02:00:13.000 That's a good way to get your ass kicked. 1.00

02:00:15.000 Not yet, but... 1.00

02:00:16.000 It's gonna happen.

02:00:17.000 But basically, he had been hanging and he turned black.

02:00:19.000 Yeah, so he was hanging and basically the heat of the house just slowly cooked him.

02:00:26.000 Yeah, I mean, I saw the picture.

02:00:27.000 The cop told me, I highly recommend you don't look at the picture, but I needed to see, you know, because...

02:00:33.000 After his death, my family told me that all the horrible things that were happening.

02:00:37.000 So do you think that she could have possibly driven him to do that?

02:00:40.000 That for sure, 100%.

02:00:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:00:43.000 She left hundreds of thousands of dead. 0.99

02:00:46.000 And she told my dad that she brought one of her cousin from Korea.

02:00:51.000 We later on find out it was her lover the whole time. 0.98

02:00:53.000 So while my dad was working, she was fucking this guy pretending to be her cousin, whatever. 0.99

02:00:58.000 Just the whole humiliation, debt, and all this stuff. 0.99

02:01:01.000 Was she younger?

02:01:02.000 10 years younger. 1.00

02:01:04.000 Are you sure she wasn't just fucking her cousin? 1.00

02:01:06.000 This is why a guy like David should be afraid of marriage. 1.00

02:01:10.000 Never, ever, never fuck someone where you're confused as to why they're fucking you. 1.00

02:01:17.000 Never. 1.00

02:01:17.000 Then I will never get laid. 1.00

02:01:19.000 The reality is, in the natural world, you shouldn't get laid, Brian. 1.00

02:01:24.000 You should get your shit together first. 0.99

02:01:26.000 But when that happens, when you do that, man, people start to resent you. 1.00

02:01:32.000 You ever see a famous dude with a trophy wife, and the trophy wife fucking hates being there? 1.00

02:01:36.000 When you see that, that's a sketchy situation, man. 1.00

02:01:41.000 I've watched this dude I watched his wife yell at him and shit. 1.00

02:01:46.000 And he's like this sort of minuscule famous guy. 0.99

02:01:50.000 He's a small guy.

02:01:51.000 And the wife was yelling at him and giving him a hard time. 1.00

02:01:54.000 And he just absorbed it and dealt with it. 0.85

02:01:56.000 And it really fucked me up because this guy's really famous.

02:01:59.000 And I was like, what are you doing, man? 0.97

02:02:01.000 Why are you letting this person abuse you? 1.00

02:02:03.000 This fucking shitty person in your life is treating you like that. 1.00

02:02:08.000 What? 1.00

02:02:08.000 Because... 1.00

02:02:09.000 She's not impressed with you?

02:02:10.000 Like, what is it?

02:02:11.000 Yeah.

02:02:11.000 I'll tell you why.

02:02:12.000 Because he weighed 130 pounds, and she was six foot tall and hot as fuck, and she really wanted to get fucked by giant black guys. 1.00

02:02:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:20.000 Mandingoed.

02:02:21.000 Giant mandingoed. 0.74

02:02:23.000 Or Caucasian. 0.96

02:02:23.000 And maybe he liked the abuse. 0.96

02:02:26.000 When a guy is an older guy, and he's got this hot young chippy, and doesn't know why she's with him. 1.00

02:02:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:32.000 She's fucking stealing from you, man. 1.00

02:02:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:34.000 She's robbing you. 1.00

02:02:36.000 So what happened?

02:02:37.000 So I went back to the funeral and somehow she was...

02:02:41.000 She didn't know my temperament because my dad's a very kind and nice person.

02:02:45.000 He's never hit me before.

02:02:46.000 But I have temperament from my mother.

02:02:48.000 She was, you know, she was a typical Korean woman, very aggressive, you know? 1.00

02:02:52.000 So I caught her at the funeral by herself preparing the funeral thing for my dad, right?

02:02:58.000 It was like way up a hill.

02:02:59.000 Yeah, way up in the hill.

02:03:00.000 Rest of the family down the hill in the parking lot.

02:03:02.000 They didn't know what's going on.

02:03:03.000 So basically... 1.00

02:03:05.000 I went up there with my aunt and my aunt sold my stepmother and she goes, you killed my fucking brother, you fucking bitch. 1.00

02:03:10.000 She leaves. 1.00

02:03:10.000 It was me and her. 1.00

02:03:12.000 And everyone knows at this point that she was cheating on him the whole time.

02:03:15.000 Oh yeah, everybody knows.

02:03:16.000 She even tried to poison my dad. 1.00

02:03:19.000 Whoa, she tried to poison him?

02:03:20.000 Yeah, they took the sample.

02:03:22.000 You know those Korean dish, kimchi or whatever she brought from Korea?

02:03:26.000 My dad kept getting sick, so they took all the food from the refrigerator and some medical lab.

02:03:30.000 They checked and there was poison in the dish.

02:03:33.000 Alright, so your stepmom is poisoning his kimchi. 0.97

02:03:38.000 And cheating on him. 1.00

02:03:40.000 And the whole family knows that she has the fucking balls to go to the funeral. 1.00

02:03:43.000 Yeah, she was playing this thing. 1.00

02:03:44.000 She didn't know anything about me.

02:03:45.000 And her older sister have a reputation of marrying a bunch of guys and they're all dying in mysterious circumstances. 0.96

02:03:51.000 So they have a history of it.

02:03:52.000 They have a history of that. 1.00

02:03:54.000 Her older sister does the same fucking thing? 1.00

02:03:57.000 This sounds like... 1.00

02:03:58.000 It's crazy. 0.99

02:03:59.000 It's fucking insane. 1.00

02:04:00.000 So my aunt said, you fucking bitch, you killed my brother. 1.00

02:04:02.000 She left. 1.00

02:04:03.000 And then 10 seconds later, I just started running over and just beating the shit out of her. 1.00

02:04:07.000 Whoa. 0.99

02:04:08.000 I grabbed the back of her head and started punching her face for a long time. 1.00

02:04:11.000 And she's unconscious? 0.96

02:04:13.000 No, but she was shocked because she didn't know I had an inmate to do that.

02:04:16.000 And I was a little surprised because I didn't plan to do that.

02:04:18.000 I was angry. 0.96

02:04:19.000 But I didn't think she was dumb enough to be separated by the rest of her family. 0.98

02:04:22.000 But she was herself. 0.98

02:04:23.000 Oh my gosh.

02:04:23.000 So she was by herself.

02:04:24.000 You were by herself.

02:04:25.000 No one's anywhere near the two of her.

02:04:26.000 No one near. 0.64

02:04:27.000 And then start grabbing her back of her head and just start beating her face in. 1.00

02:04:31.000 Curb stomp. 1.00

02:04:32.000 And put on her ground and start stomping between her legs. 1.00

02:04:35.000 Her eyeball was about to... 1.00

02:04:36.000 You stomped her pussy? 1.00

02:04:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:38.000 Whoa.

02:04:39.000 Stomach.

02:04:39.000 Her face.

02:04:41.000 Her eyeball was about to come out. 0.99

02:04:42.000 I was stamping her face like after five or six times and I heard some lady that worked at the cemetery scream. 1.00

02:04:47.000 They saw this guy just stomping on this lady and started screaming.

02:04:50.000 So how much damage did you do to her?

02:04:53.000 I think if I did it, like my cousin called me like a week later and he was laughing at the phone like, yeah, if you did it for another minute, you probably killed her or whatever.

02:05:01.000 She ended up going to hospital for like two and a half, three months.

02:05:05.000 But that snapped him out of it, the lady screaming. 0.97

02:05:07.000 So then he ran back down the hill.

02:05:09.000 That's true. 0.99

02:05:09.000 And then everyone's like, what the fuck's going on? 0.99

02:05:12.000 And he grabbed his cousin's car keys. 0.99

02:05:14.000 No, no, no.

02:05:15.000 Yes, I went down.

02:05:17.000 And my stepmother's nephew was walking up the stairs.

02:05:21.000 He didn't know what's going on.

02:05:22.000 So I started coming down, and he doesn't know what's going on.

02:05:24.000 So I figured by then, I already beat one person.

02:05:27.000 What difference does it make if I saw a couple more people.

02:05:29.000 This funeral was how long after Japan?

02:05:32.000 What?

02:05:33.000 Like when you got off the plane and went straight to the funeral, right?

02:05:36.000 A day after, yeah.

02:05:37.000 So this guy gets to Japan, goes to a funeral, and then just starts punching people, and then like...

02:05:42.000 So you attacked him as well?

02:05:44.000 For what reason?

02:05:45.000 Just because...

02:05:45.000 Because he's related to her.

02:05:48.000 Related to her, and like, what difference does it make if I... Fuck everybody at this point. 1.00

02:05:52.000 Yeah, it's like porn stars. 1.00

02:05:53.000 Like, what difference does it make if you fuck one hooker or 500? 1.00

02:05:55.000 Once you do one, it's really interesting that you're using attempted murder... 1.00

02:06:00.000 And connecting it to gangbangs.

02:06:02.000 Yeah, well... 0.99

02:06:03.000 Oh, Yoshi kills hookers all the time. 0.99

02:06:05.000 No, stop it. 1.00

02:06:06.000 He kills him with his AIDS. Attaboy. 1.00

02:06:10.000 So...

02:06:11.000 You say edible AIDS or attaboy?

02:06:14.000 Attaboy.

02:06:15.000 So I went down the stairs.

02:06:16.000 I saw him. 0.98

02:06:17.000 I sucker punched him.

02:06:18.000 He doesn't know what's going on. 0.98

02:06:19.000 Oh my god.

02:06:20.000 And there was a little...

02:06:21.000 Do you feel bad for that?

02:06:22.000 No, not at all.

02:06:23.000 But he didn't have anything to do with it.

02:06:25.000 I know, but I was just angry with her and her family.

02:06:28.000 Right, but I mean, her family's just people.

02:06:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:06:31.000 A family of poisonous people. 0.99

02:06:35.000 Well, you know, maybe they don't know what the fuck the sister and her dick. 1.00

02:06:38.000 But at the time, I wasn't really rational. 1.00

02:06:40.000 I was just so angry.

02:06:41.000 I understand.

02:06:42.000 So, sucker punching, he went down.

02:06:45.000 And most of these, you know, I'm six foot one.

02:06:47.000 Most of these people are like 5'1", 5'2".

02:06:49.000 Right.

02:06:49.000 So, even though I'm not physically involved in America, I'm pretty big in Japan.

02:06:53.000 You kick an ass in Japan. 1.00

02:06:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:54.000 I'm Anderson Silva when it comes to fighting and beating up old women. 1.00

02:06:59.000 How old was she when you did this to her? 1.00

02:07:01.000 55 or something.

02:07:03.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:07:04.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:07:05.000 She killed his dad, man. 1.00

02:07:06.000 Oh, I understand.

02:07:07.000 Listen, there's no... 0.99

02:07:08.000 I mean, I lost my fucking mind. 1.00

02:07:10.000 Listen, I would have killed her. 1.00

02:07:12.000 If I'm stomping on a chick for five times, she's dead. 1.00

02:07:15.000 I don't know how the fuck your pussy stomps allowed her to live. 1.00

02:07:18.000 So he knocks the nephew out. 1.00

02:07:20.000 That is not something to joke about, by the way, ladies and gentlemen.

02:07:23.000 You're right.

02:07:24.000 If you're outraged listening to this, you're like, I can't believe you joking.

02:07:26.000 I got that little mallet where Buddhists scoop the water to clean the cemetery. 1.00

02:07:32.000 I grabbed that stuff, just beat him over the head a couple of times, ran down the parking lot, and I saw my stepmother's older sister and her husband, and I started sucker-punching too. 0.53

02:07:42.000 He's punching everybody. 0.64

02:07:44.000 Yeah, I punched both of them.

02:07:45.000 How's your endurance at this point?

02:07:46.000 Are you getting winded?

02:07:48.000 Yeah, I wish I would have stretched before that.

02:07:51.000 But I wasn't planning to sell four people, Joe.

02:07:55.000 I don't know anything about martial art.

02:07:56.000 I don't know any of that stuff.

02:07:57.000 It was unplanned.

02:07:58.000 You beat all these people up.

02:08:00.000 How do you get out of the country? 1.00

02:08:02.000 That's like serious, serious shit. 0.99

02:08:04.000 So my aunt, Yoshie, she's the only one, when he started fighting me back, she's the one, she had a cancer, brain cancer actually, but she's the one to interrupt the fight, start punching him and just told me to leave. 0.99

02:08:17.000 And I told my cousin to drive me out of there and he wasn't sure because he want to...

02:08:20.000 So you punched him too?

02:08:21.000 No, no, no.

02:08:23.000 I think he hesitated because he doesn't want to ace somebody who did criminal act.

02:08:27.000 Right, right. 0.99

02:08:27.000 But he's smaller than I am so if you don't think I'm going to beat the shit out of you... 0.99

02:08:30.000 Well, we got in his car and he said, drive me out of there and I went to... 0.98

02:08:35.000 Osaka International.

02:08:36.000 He just got to Japan.

02:08:37.000 Yeah, like a day before.

02:08:39.000 And then he went and beat everyone up and then he's hiding.

02:08:40.000 And he got right to the airport.

02:08:42.000 I grabbed his cell phone and called the airlines, changed my flight.

02:08:45.000 I'm praying there's another flight within a few hours.

02:08:48.000 There just happened to be one in four hours.

02:08:50.000 So I went over there.

02:08:51.000 But that was the longest four hours airport because I figured she'll call the police. 1.00

02:08:55.000 You just hid in the bathroom?

02:08:55.000 So what happened?

02:08:56.000 How'd they not call the police?

02:08:58.000 It never even occurred to them because they were so worried about her.

02:09:01.000 They went to hospital with her.

02:09:02.000 They probably didn't know where you went.

02:09:04.000 They figured I was hiding in one of my cousins' house.

02:09:06.000 Do you think that they knew that she was guilty too?

02:09:10.000 Oh, everybody knows.

02:09:11.000 How did you find out?

02:09:12.000 It was your aunt that told you, right?

02:09:14.000 Yeah.

02:09:15.000 She tried to poison him, huh? 0.83

02:09:16.000 Yeah.

02:09:16.000 Your aunt told you?

02:09:17.000 What did she say?

02:09:18.000 They have a medical record. 1.00

02:09:20.000 She said you've been fucking someone this whole time. 0.99

02:09:21.000 Yeah, but that doesn't mean she tried to kill him. 0.99

02:09:23.000 You know she tried to kill him because of the poisoning though.

02:09:25.000 That's pretty definitive.

02:09:26.000 Yeah, and they had a medical lab.

02:09:28.000 I don't know how they figure out poison, but they took it to lab.

02:09:30.000 Never eat kimchi at Yoshi's house.

02:09:33.000 He keeps his daddy static.

02:09:34.000 I mean, kimchi in general is pretty strong anyways.

02:09:37.000 I love kimchi. 1.00

02:09:38.000 Yeah, if you have kimchi at Yoshi's house and it tastes a little weird, don't eat that shit. 1.00

02:09:41.000 Whew. 1.00

02:09:42.000 Damn, dude. 1.00

02:09:43.000 So you escaped Japan. 1.00

02:09:44.000 Yeah.

02:09:45.000 Are there criminal charges pressed against you?

02:09:48.000 Here's a weird thing.

02:09:49.000 Mostly cops in Japan don't want to be part of like family dispute.

02:09:53.000 Technically, she's still my family.

02:09:55.000 So whenever there's a family dispute, they rather there's... 1.00

02:09:58.000 Even the fucking head stomping? 0.98

02:10:00.000 Well, generally speaking, but I don't want to go back to Japan and find out. 0.99

02:10:05.000 So remember, you and I think Joey Diaz asked me to go with you and translate.

02:10:09.000 I would love to do it, but I was a little worried maybe as soon as I land, there's a record of it and put me in jail.

02:10:15.000 It could be, right?

02:10:16.000 There might be.

02:10:17.000 There might be.

02:10:18.000 See, I could get in, but most likely I can't get out.

02:10:21.000 Dave cannot get in.

02:10:22.000 There's two different things.

02:10:23.000 Why can you not get in?

02:10:24.000 I went to jail there a few years ago.

02:10:26.000 What'd you go to jail there for?

02:10:27.000 I beat up an undercover security guard.

02:10:30.000 What happened?

02:10:31.000 Well, it's sort of like Yoshi said.

02:10:33.000 I'm not a huge guy over here, but over there, I'm sort of the Anderson Silva.

02:10:38.000 What happened over there?

02:10:40.000 You know, it's...

02:10:41.000 I could talk about this for like hours and hours, but basically I... In much of the same way where I helped, you know, the old people during the earthquake turn their gas off and then went looting. 0.64

02:10:53.000 Like, I have a...

02:10:55.000 You know, I had a troubled past where, you know...

02:11:00.000 This is before I got, like, seriously into gambling.

02:11:03.000 Like, I spent most of my childhood just, like, fighting and getting into all kinds of trouble and doing, like, small-time criminal kind of activities and stuff.

02:11:10.000 And so when I went to Japan, where it was, like, this society based on, like, honor and, like, you know, the light turns red and then everyone stops walking. 0.97

02:11:18.000 And I was like, whoa, this is fucking crazy. 0.79

02:11:21.000 Like, they, like... 0.99

02:11:22.000 Don't even have locks on their bicycles, because who would steal a bike?

02:11:26.000 That's not your property.

02:11:27.000 It's crazy.

02:11:28.000 You could literally go to Japan and just get on someone's bike. 0.99

02:11:31.000 I was like, this is fucking nuts. 0.98

02:11:33.000 So that's what I did. 0.98

02:11:34.000 I'd go to Japan, I'd steal some guy's bike, and I'd go out all night spray-painting graffiti on everything.

02:11:40.000 And I would just do it in broad daylight.

02:11:42.000 No one would stop me.

02:11:43.000 And then at the end of the day, I'd just go bring the bike back.

02:11:47.000 You know, my art was getting a lot of recognition out there at the time, so I was going out there like once a year, twice a year.

02:11:53.000 And just stealing bikes. 0.84

02:11:54.000 Stealing bikes, doing graffiti, stealing shit, like just causing, you know, damage and chaos in general. 0.97

02:12:01.000 Right. 0.98

02:12:02.000 That's so sad.

02:12:03.000 Yeah.

02:12:04.000 It is kind of...

02:12:05.000 It is sad, because that's one thing when we were in Japan, some guy was telling me about the same kind of thing, like, You could tell these girls anything.

02:12:11.000 They'll believe you because no one lies to them.

02:12:13.000 So you could tell them you're a super famous rock star.

02:12:16.000 Right, right.

02:12:16.000 And you kind of felt bad about it.

02:12:19.000 After Brian's fifth story, he's like, I gotta tell you, I'm not really Iron Man.

02:12:28.000 Wow.

02:12:28.000 So you got arrested for doing...

02:12:30.000 Well, yeah.

02:12:30.000 I mean, I definitely deserved...

02:12:32.000 I mean, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

02:12:34.000 My life in general was getting out of control and going to jail was probably the best thing. 0.93

02:12:38.000 Dude, you guys both are fucking awesome.

02:12:41.000 Thank you very much for doing this. 0.90

02:12:42.000 You're welcome, man.

02:12:43.000 Thank you for coming down and doing this.

02:12:44.000 I would love to do yours as well.

02:12:45.000 Yeah, anytime, man.

02:12:46.000 Go back and forth.

02:12:47.000 Yeah, man.

02:12:48.000 Back and forth.

02:12:48.000 Let's do it a bunch of different times.

02:12:49.000 I would love to have you.

02:12:50.000 Yoshi, keep it together, okay?

02:12:52.000 Yeah, thanks.

02:12:52.000 You're going to be fine.

02:12:53.000 There's a lot of people that are going to stare at you Wednesday night at the Ice House knowing that you almost stomped the lady to death.

02:12:58.000 So it's going to be a little different.

02:13:00.000 She deserved it, man.

02:13:00.000 It's going to be an interesting show Wednesday night.

02:13:02.000 Anyone who's coming out Wednesday night, please don't be afraid to give this guy a hug.

02:13:06.000 He needs human touch.

02:13:07.000 Stop saying that.

02:13:07.000 You need...

02:13:09.000 Murderers should be stomped. 1.00

02:13:11.000 If you saw his face after that group hug right now, it was very uncomfortable. 0.99

02:13:14.000 It was a little weird.

02:13:14.000 He didn't know how to accept that kind of love.

02:13:17.000 He's a good guy.

02:13:18.000 You're a great guy.

02:13:19.000 He's a good guy.

02:13:20.000 Yoshi's a great guy.

02:13:21.000 He just needs a lot more hugs. 0.99

02:13:22.000 Dude, we didn't even get to your whole crazy fucking story, the whole Facebook mural story. 0.99

02:13:27.000 I'll come back on anytime you want. 0.99

02:13:29.000 We'll do it again, man.

02:13:30.000 Let's do it again.

02:13:30.000 Let's do it again in February.

02:13:32.000 You want to do it again in February?

02:13:33.000 Anytime, man.

02:13:34.000 Done!

02:13:35.000 And we'll do yours.

02:13:35.000 Brian, you want to come with me?

02:13:36.000 Yeah.

02:13:37.000 You guys are invited to DVDASA.com.

02:13:41.000 I don't know if we're going to get on iTunes, so just go to there to check it out.

02:13:45.000 Why wouldn't you get on iTunes?

02:13:47.000 Filthy? 0.99

02:13:48.000 You can get away with being filthy. 0.97

02:13:50.000 Especially audio, they'll allow anything.

02:13:52.000 It's essentially the imagination.

02:13:54.000 You're just talking about things.

02:13:56.000 You can't show pornographic images in a video iPod thing.

02:14:00.000 Get rid of all of Yoshi's butthole shots. 0.95

02:14:04.000 Don't show Yoshi's butthole. 0.87

02:14:06.000 It's just too tempting. 1.00

02:14:08.000 Again, like his gay porn, or his tranny porn, it might drag you over to the dark side. 1.00

02:14:13.000 Yoshi would tempt you with this black hole of butthole. 1.00

02:14:16.000 Well, you guys are filming this whole show, right? 0.99

02:14:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:14:19.000 On our podcast, we have one camera, and it's just pointed at Asa's pussy. 1.00

02:14:23.000 Are you serious? 1.00

02:14:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:24.000 That's hilarious.

02:14:25.000 That's awesome.

02:14:25.000 That's perfect.

02:14:26.000 It's like, do you want to see...

02:14:27.000 How did you meet her?

02:14:28.000 How did you guys become friends?

02:14:29.000 This guy.

02:14:30.000 Through Yoshi?

02:14:31.000 Yeah.

02:14:31.000 And you just became her buddy?

02:14:32.000 Well, it's like the thing you were saying about the cuckold and watching black guys. 1.00

02:14:38.000 I've talked about this before, but basically... 1.00

02:14:41.000 If you're a guy and you're Asian, the only place you are in American porn is gay and the bottom. 0.99

02:14:47.000 There's not one Asian male porn star in straight porn. 1.00

02:14:50.000 Except for one now. 0.99

02:14:52.000 Except for one now, which was that movie.

02:14:54.000 So after I got to know Yoshi and knowing what a degenerate he is, he's like, hey Dave, they're filming the first Asian American porn where the whole cast is Asian. 0.89

02:15:04.000 And I was like, whoa, that's pretty groundbreaking. 0.83

02:15:07.000 There's no... 1.00

02:15:08.000 Like, it's gay to know what, I guess, when you jerk off to porn, like, I've watched so much porn, I can recognize a guy's penis now. 1.00

02:15:16.000 Yeah, I didn't joke about that. 1.00

02:15:17.000 Oh, that's Peter North. 0.95

02:15:18.000 Oh, I'm a homo. 0.59

02:15:19.000 Exactly, exactly.

02:15:20.000 And, you know, you've seen, there's not that many guys, so you start to recognize the guys.

02:15:25.000 Yeah. 0.89

02:15:25.000 So, can you name an Asian male porn star? 0.89

02:15:28.000 No. 0.98

02:15:28.000 Yeah, there isn't any. 0.98

02:15:29.000 Right. 0.97

02:15:30.000 So Yoshi told me about it, and then we went, yeah, I went to the set of the first, and it was based on a weird Japanese poet or someone, some chick that like cuts off her lover's penis or something. 0.97

02:15:43.000 Yeah, true story. 0.94

02:15:45.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 Fist of the Nuts star.

02:15:46.000 And Asa was the star in that, so we hit it off right away.

02:15:50.000 And yeah, that's how I met Asa through Yoshi, and that was like the first time.

02:15:55.000 That was the first...

02:15:56.000 She just got married.

02:15:57.000 Yeah, she just got married. 0.51

02:15:58.000 That's crazy.

02:15:59.000 What?

02:16:00.000 Dude, trust me.

02:16:01.000 That's all I... What kind of a deal is that? 0.98

02:16:03.000 Well, it's to another porn star. 0.98

02:16:05.000 Oh. 0.99

02:16:06.000 Okay.

02:16:07.000 But, you know, she was one of the first...

02:16:10.000 Like, women that I met that I was, like, genuinely interested in after my seven-year-long relationship.

02:16:16.000 So I met her on that set, and then I'm like, this chick is fucking rad. 1.00

02:16:22.000 Like, she'll just, like, talk about anything and how she has to, like, wash her butthole out, and it's just, like, not in a gross way, and it's very refreshing to meet someone that's, like, so open and honest about everything. 0.97

02:16:32.000 She's very funny, too.

02:16:33.000 Do you find synchronicity in the word DVD-ASA when you're doing a show with Asa Akira?

02:16:39.000 Right.

02:16:40.000 Yeah, well, I mean, it sounds like David and Asa phonetically, you know?

02:16:43.000 Yeah, it does, phonetically.

02:16:44.000 Right. 0.99

02:16:44.000 But it's actual double vaginal, double anal, sensitive artists. 0.99

02:16:52.000 So that's the website, ladies and gentlemen, double vaginal, double anal, sensitive artists. 1.00

02:16:57.000 If you can't find it, go fuck yourself. 1.00

02:16:59.000 It's a great podcast. 1.00

02:17:00.000 We don't want you to find it.

02:17:02.000 It's one of the very few podcasts that I actually listen to.

02:17:03.000 I love it.

02:17:04.000 Oh, thanks, man.

02:17:05.000 Yeah, man, it's...

02:17:06.000 Podcasts have made me hate a lot of people that I used to not find annoying. 0.99

02:17:10.000 I fucking listen to their podcasts and I want to fucking throw them off a mountain. 0.98

02:17:14.000 The story of how you first met Yoshi is one of my favorite stories. 0.99

02:17:19.000 I think it's on the first episode of DVD Essay.

02:17:21.000 And just how you do his voice, his impersonation, makes the story so much better. 0.98

02:17:26.000 Yoshi, we're going to bring you out of this funk, but prepare for a fucking avalanche of hate mail from people who don't like dudes stomping women to death, especially when they're in their 50s. 0.90

02:17:36.000 Honestly, if anyone out there wants to sit here and judge Yoshi, think about If there was a person out there that did your family wrong and what you would do to them. 0.99

02:17:45.000 Especially kill your dad. 0.99

02:17:47.000 Yeah, I mean... 0.99

02:17:47.000 You don't know if she did, but at the very least she tried. 0.99

02:17:50.000 At the very least she tried to poison her. 0.99

02:17:52.000 But then here's the flip side to that.

02:17:53.000 Are you mad at your dad for allowing a woman like that? 1.00

02:17:57.000 Absolutely.

02:17:57.000 I was really angry with him.

02:18:02.000 What you're doing by partnering up with sluts is an excellent move. 1.00

02:18:06.000 Because much like getting inoculation shots, it protects you from other sluts being so mystical that they could take over your life. 1.00

02:18:15.000 When a girl will try to move in and offer you pussy to try to control your financial empire, you'd be like, bitch, I know where I can get some pussy. 1.00

02:18:24.000 Stop. 1.00

02:18:25.000 We're dealing with quantities and qualities.

02:18:27.000 We're dealing with a commodities market here now.

02:18:31.000 Yeah, I mean, it's unbelievable.

02:18:34.000 David, someday you're going to find the right girl.

02:18:35.000 Find a girl who loves you for you.

02:18:37.000 A girl, a sensitive girl.

02:18:39.000 You're not going to want to be with anybody else. 1.00

02:18:41.000 I know, she's going to be so beautiful and have a 12-inch penis. 1.00

02:18:44.000 Oh! 1.00

02:18:46.000 Yoshi.

02:18:47.000 And with that one, oh!

02:18:50.000 Watch out for the black ice. 0.99

02:18:51.000 Black guys. 0.89

02:18:52.000 Ice, ice. 1.00

02:18:53.000 I-C-E. And coincidentally, you don't find many black guys where there's black ice. 0.98

02:18:59.000 Yeah. 0.85

02:19:00.000 I don't know why that is.

02:19:02.000 Follow Yoshi on Twitter.

02:19:04.000 It's Yoshi Obayashi.

02:19:06.000 O-B-A-Y-A-S-H-I on Twitter.

02:19:11.000 And David Cho.

02:19:12.000 David C-H-O-E. You can also go to DavidCho.com.

02:19:17.000 And...

02:19:18.000 And just try to buy one of his paintings.

02:19:20.000 First of all, you can't find them.

02:19:22.000 They're not for sale.

02:19:23.000 And even if it did, you don't want to spend that much money. 1.00

02:19:26.000 Listen, he's out of your league, bitch. 1.00

02:19:29.000 Deal with it! 1.00

02:19:30.000 Deal with it! 1.00

02:19:58.000 Yoshi stomps his vaginas. 1.00

02:20:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:20:01.000 You know that's going to be used. 0.99

02:20:03.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:20:04.000 Why'd you do this, David? 1.00

02:20:06.000 Why?

02:20:07.000 Joe.

02:20:07.000 Go to Hover.com forward slash Rogan for 10% off.

02:20:10.000 Yoshi?

02:20:10.000 Sorry.

02:20:11.000 This is very selfish.

02:20:11.000 I have a podcast, too.

02:20:13.000 Yoshident.com.

02:20:14.000 That's not selfish at all.

02:20:16.000 Yoshident.

02:20:16.000 No, Yoshi didn't?

02:20:18.000 That is really your question. 0.98

02:20:20.000 Everything's a goddamn play on words, Yoshi Mail. 0.99

02:20:23.000 Dude, say it right. 0.99

02:20:24.000 This Wednesday night.

02:20:25.000 Say it right.

02:20:25.000 Yoshi didn't.

02:20:27.000 Yoshi didn't.

02:20:28.000 And Yoshi will be at the Ice House in Pasadena this Wednesday night at 10pm along with... 0.81

02:20:35.000 Ian Edwards, along with Brian Redband, along with Adam Hunter, and one of the motherfuckers that I can't remember, and maybe many more, whoever's in town.

02:20:44.000 The idea of the Ice House, I'll call Fitzsimmons too, see if he's around. 0.93

02:20:47.000 The idea of the Ice House is we just try to put on shows there where we fuck around, have a good time, we use it as sort of a workout room.

02:20:55.000 The last time I did it, I came up with like 20 minutes of new material. 0.98

02:20:59.000 You guys, these shows are fucking amazing.

02:21:01.000 They're so fun to do, and it's one of the Best comedy environments on the planet Earth. 0.97

02:21:07.000 It's a club that's been around since 1960, and it's just like, I can't say enough good things about the staff or the owner. 0.98

02:21:13.000 Bob, he's the coolest motherfucker ever.

02:21:15.000 And to me, it's really important to support places like this because they're very fragile. 0.98

02:21:20.000 There's not a lot of money in owning a comedy club and I want to help these people that think about bailing out.

02:21:25.000 Alright, go to deathsquad.tv and you can pick up one of these fucking badass t-shirts designed by our very own Brian Redman.

02:21:33.000 And there's two different versions of it. 0.83

02:21:35.000 There's this one that is my favorite cat, and then there's that one, which I also like the design.

02:21:41.000 Which you can't buy anymore. 0.99

02:21:42.000 I like the design, but you can't buy that one anymore, so you could probably get that shit on eBay. 0.95

02:21:44.000 You should just make more of those. 0.98

02:21:45.000 Make more of those.

02:21:46.000 That's what the whole point is. 0.99

02:21:47.000 No, the point sucks. 1.00

02:21:48.000 The point sucks a big, delicious, syphilis-ridden cocktail. 1.00

02:21:52.000 Good night, folks. 0.97

02:21:54.000 We will see you tomorrow.

02:21:56.000 Most likely with Aubrey Marcus. 0.91

02:21:58.000 I'm going to try to move some shit around because Aubrey's in town. 0.97

02:22:01.000 And Rick Ross lives here. 0.98

02:22:02.000 So we'll call him.

02:22:03.000 We'll make everything happen. 1.00

02:22:05.000 We are going to get our freak on one way or another, bitches. 1.00

02:22:08.000 David Cho. 0.99

02:22:09.000 Yoshi.

02:22:10.000 Thanks, Joe.

02:22:11.000 Thank you, guys.

02:22:11.000 Yeah.

02:22:12.000 Awesome.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 22, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #317 - David Choe, Yoshi Obayashi

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Summary

Transcript