The Joe Rogan Experience - February 05, 2013


Joe Rogan Experience #322 - Ari Shaffir

Topics
Ralph and the Motorcycle Alpha Brain hemp usefulness hemp properties TSA explosives detection liquids security checkpoints TSA problems TSA checkpoint experience pussy school shootings and SSRIs withholding information Spike TV specials UCB comedy store strike 1979 employee nights global warming and natural disasters Neil deGrasse Tyson Twitter followers
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Ari Shaffir
Mentioned
Brian Cowan Ari Shafir William Randolph Hearst Joey Coco Diaz Mitt Romney Comedy Central Spike Bert Kreischer Brendan Walsh Paula Abdul Marijuana Audible Obama George Bush Sr. Brent Weinbach Chris McGuire Eve Edwards Paul Reiser Peter Chen Rick Ross and 98 more
Joe Rogan Experience #321 - Melissa Etheridge Joe Rogan Experience #323 - "Freeway" Rick Ross

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 50 minutes

Words per minute

205.96

Word count

35,215

Sentence count

4,451

Harmful content

Misogyny

111

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,154

sentences flagged

Hate speech

101

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Joe Wogan Experience Podcast, the boys talk about a guy who talks like nobody talks in real life, a guy named Bashir, and a book called "The War of Art" by Cormac McCarthy. They also talk about the benefits of having someone else do your work for you, and why you shouldn't be doing it for yourself. Joe also talks about how he doesn't like reading in the car, and how he's going to read it in his car in the middle of the night, so you don't get car sick while listening to it. This episode is brought to you by Audible. They give you a free 30-day membership, and you get a free audiobook of the book on your phone so you can listen to it on your drive home or in your car. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your news and updates, and don't forget to leave us a rating and review! It helps spread the word to your friends and family about what's going on in the world and get them to be a part of the conversation. Thank you so much of what we do, it means the world to us. Cheers, Joe and the boys. -Jono Wogan (Music: "A Guy Who Talks Like Nobody Talks in Real Life" by Shadydave (feat. ) Music: "The Boy Who Talks" by Zapsplat (featuring: "Bashir) - "A Man Who Talks like Nobody Talks" and "The Man Who Can't Talk Like Nobody" by "The Girl Who Talks in a Podcast" by Fucking Talks" by "A Boy Who Can Do It" by Kevin McElroy ( ) - "Noah" by Jeffree Star ( ) and "Incomptech ( ) , "The Road" by , "A Girl, a Girl Who Has It All" by The Boy Who's Got It All Things and "Goodbye" by David ( ) , & "Feat. , and , we'll See You Soon ( ) we'll Figure it Out, We'll Talk About It ( ) by Shafir ( ) & we'll Get It Out, we'll Be There ( ) ( ) Join us on the Other Side of It's All About That ( ) Podcast, we're Coming Soon ( ),

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:03.000 Wake up, Shafir, be alive. 1.00
00:00:04.000 What are you doing?
00:00:05.000 You tweeting? 1.00
00:00:05.000 You letting bitches know right now? 1.00
00:00:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:00:08.000 Is that what you're doing?
00:00:09.000 Yeah.
00:00:10.000 No.
00:00:11.000 He can't talk and tweet at the same time.
00:00:12.000 Very few people can talk.
00:00:14.000 I can talk and type better than I can talk and text.
00:00:16.000 Because it's something about using phones.
00:00:18.000 I can tweet, talk, and drive.
00:00:20.000 Yeah, none of it's good, though.
00:00:22.000 You ever notice that? 1.00
00:00:23.000 Focus on one thing, you fuck. 1.00
00:00:24.000 You're doing all three like a monkey. 1.00
00:00:26.000 I read this book where it said splitting your focuses is just, when they say multitasking, that's just that everyone cannot do that.
00:00:31.000 I mean, no one can do it.
00:00:33.000 Your productivity goes down in each thing.
00:00:35.000 Yeah, it definitely goes down.
00:00:36.000 I mean, people can do it, but you don't... 0.99
00:00:38.000 If it's things that don't require that much thinking or complexity, you can do it, but if it does, you're fucked. 0.99
00:00:44.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:00:45.000 This is the Joe Wogan Experience Podcast.
00:00:49.000 And we're...
00:00:50.000 This is my new character.
00:00:51.000 Wogan.
00:00:51.000 I like it.
00:00:52.000 What's it called?
00:00:52.000 A guy who talks like nobody talks in real life.
00:00:57.000 I have a unique pattern of thinking.
00:01:01.000 You know what this is like?
00:01:01.000 This is like, I don't know if you've seen this guy.
00:01:02.000 Shane's been way through.
00:01:03.000 He's evolving.
00:01:04.000 There's a guy named Bashir.
00:01:05.000 He calls himself Bashir. 1.00
00:01:06.000 We'll have to talk about this on the podcast, but he's fucking ridiculous. 1.00
00:01:09.000 And people believe that this guy is an alien. 1.00
00:01:12.000 They believe that he's channeling an alien.
00:01:15.000 That's how he talks!
00:01:17.000 Something like this! 1.00
00:01:19.000 So fucking stupid. 1.00
00:01:21.000 Just because he talks like Amo Phillips? 1.00
00:01:22.000 He just talks terrible.
00:01:24.000 It gets me angry when people fall for really easy scams, like really obvious scams.
00:01:30.000 Did I ever tell you about my friend whose brother fell for it?
00:01:34.000 For the Nigerian one? 0.77
00:01:36.000 No, okay, we'll talk about that.
00:01:38.000 Save that, please.
00:01:40.000 This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com.
00:01:42.000 If you go to Audible.com forward slash Joe, they will give you a free 30-day membership, and you get a free audiobook.
00:01:52.000 Audible is a really awesome service.
00:01:55.000 I'm a big fan of myself.
00:01:56.000 I love audiobooks, and I love their service especially.
00:01:59.000 They are on the cutting edge, and one of the reasons why I say this is because of their WhisperSync. 0.99
00:02:04.000 It is the coolest fuck I've ever mentioned. 0.99
00:02:06.000 What is that? 0.99
00:02:08.000 It hooks up if you have one of those Amazon Kindles.
00:02:13.000 Well, you can get a Kindle Fire HD, and you get it with the Audible app.
00:02:19.000 And what it is, is you read the Audible book on it.
00:02:22.000 You read the actual book, and then it syncs to your smartphone.
00:02:27.000 So when you get in your car, And you listen to an actor reading the book to you in the exact spot where you left off.
00:02:37.000 So it's both together, syncing.
00:02:38.000 So it syncs up. 0.98
00:02:39.000 So you're done, chapter three, whatever the fuck it is. 0.98
00:02:42.000 Boom. 0.99
00:02:43.000 You get in your car.
00:02:44.000 Chapter four.
00:02:45.000 Bob walked into the bank, curious about their intentions, but knowing that he had work to do.
00:02:50.000 Or if you start getting car sick or shit, you're just like, nope, we're just gonna listen from here on in. 0.96
00:02:53.000 Yeah. 0.87
00:02:54.000 Can't be reading stuff anymore.
00:02:55.000 Yeah, I don't like reading in the car.
00:02:57.000 I do get car sick.
00:02:58.000 So nauseating, especially in the passenger seat, so you don't know which way it's turning.
00:03:01.000 Yeah, try reading a book in a car.
00:03:04.000 You can throw up all of yourself.
00:03:05.000 It's a great way to make your wife. 1.00
00:03:07.000 Audible's for people who love to read but don't like to fucking read for themselves. 0.99
00:03:10.000 So have someone else do it for you. 0.98
00:03:12.000 Yeah, and you know what?
00:03:13.000 I think you get the same benefit.
00:03:15.000 I mean, the benefit is the exercising your imagination and the interacting with other people's thoughts, which enriches your consciousness. 0.97
00:03:22.000 So all that shit's available, yo, at audible.com. 0.98
00:03:26.000 And they have many, many, many, many, many books. 0.99
00:03:29.000 I recommend The War of Art.
00:03:31.000 It's excellent.
00:03:32.000 And it's excellent for anybody who's creative but is suffering through procrastination and not getting work done. 0.99
00:03:39.000 Fucking, it'll kick you right in the dick and get you on point. 0.99
00:03:42.000 So go to Audible. 1.00
00:03:43.000 What?
00:03:44.000 Can I recommend a book?
00:03:45.000 Sure.
00:03:46.000 The Road.
00:03:46.000 The road.
00:03:47.000 By Cormac McCarthy.
00:03:48.000 Because you believe that that's what's happening. 1.00
00:03:49.000 We're going to shoot each other in the head and eat each other's flesh and all that shit. 1.00
00:03:52.000 I think if we get to that stage, yeah, we definitely would. 1.00
00:03:54.000 But it's a good apocalyptic, like, real book.
00:03:57.000 The movie was too intense for me.
00:03:58.000 I want to recommend one.
00:03:59.000 Go ahead.
00:04:00.000 Ralph and the Motorcycle.
00:04:01.000 Ralph and the Motorcycle.
00:04:02.000 The little mouse?
00:04:03.000 Yeah, the mouse and the motorcycle.
00:04:04.000 What is that?
00:04:05.000 Just about this little mouse that rides his motorcycle around.
00:04:07.000 He's a badass little mouse.
00:04:09.000 He falls off the table.
00:04:10.000 And does Audible.com have this?
00:04:12.000 Of course they do.
00:04:13.000 Almost definitely.
00:04:13.000 Did they really?
00:04:14.000 Look it up.
00:04:14.000 See if they do.
00:04:15.000 I bet they do, though.
00:04:16.000 Yeah, because we can't recommend it. 0.99
00:04:18.000 What the fuck, Red Band? 1.00
00:04:20.000 This is fucking false advertising, bro. 1.00
00:04:24.000 I had my hopes set. 0.99
00:04:25.000 I'm like, tonight I'm spending my time with a mouse on a motorcycle.
00:04:29.000 I'm just going to keep you a copy of it.
00:04:30.000 And I'm going to sit there with a book, and I'm going to love it.
00:04:33.000 It's for 3rd graders.
00:04:35.000 No, it's not!
00:04:36.000 It's for 3rd to pop 7th graders.
00:04:38.000 No, 7th.
00:04:39.000 It's 7th.
00:04:40.000 7th grade?
00:04:41.000 There we go, the mouse and the motorcycle. 1.00
00:04:43.000 Look at this motherfucker. 1.00
00:04:46.000 So there you go. 1.00
00:04:47.000 The mouse and the motorcycle.
00:04:48.000 Audible.com forward slash Joe.
00:04:51.000 Oh yeah, I remember her.
00:04:51.000 Audible.com forward slash Joe.
00:04:53.000 Go there and you will save yourself some money by getting a free audiobook and one free month service.
00:04:59.000 And the reason why they've given you this is because it's awesome and you're going to enjoy it.
00:05:03.000 Especially if you commute, or if you go to the gym, or any time where you're spending time where you're just sitting there doing nothing.
00:05:09.000 It makes that a way more enriching time.
00:05:11.000 Look, you can hear a sample from the mouse and the motorcycle.
00:05:14.000 Oh, they play music behind it.
00:05:16.000 Wow, they played music on it.
00:05:17.000 Hey, do you think Beverly Cleary is dead?
00:05:20.000 Why would you say that?
00:05:22.000 Because it's been so long since she wrote that.
00:05:23.000 How long did she write it?
00:05:24.000 I don't know.
00:05:25.000 When did it come up, Brian?
00:05:27.000 Of course we will be comfortable, said Mr. Gridley, dropping some coins into Matt's hands.
00:05:33.000 That guy's reading this with his pants off.
00:05:36.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. If you go there, we're in the middle of organizing this DVD that we're going to do. 0.67
00:05:45.000 We're going to do a fitness DVD with me going through all my kettlebell workouts because everybody wants to know.
00:05:51.000 Joe Rogan, what is the thing you do that makes you so manly?
00:05:56.000 I'll tell you what it is, folks.
00:05:57.000 I was in Vegas with him this weekend, and that's a lot.
00:06:00.000 That's what happened.
00:06:01.000 People would walk by, not in those exact words, but pretty much going, Joe Rogan.
00:06:05.000 How are you so manly?
00:06:07.000 Yeah, that's pretty much how people address me.
00:06:09.000 Hey, who's this new guy?
00:06:10.000 Mr. Lazer got a boyfriend. 1.00
00:06:12.000 Yeah, he's hot as fuck. 1.00
00:06:13.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:06:14.000 Boom! 0.99
00:06:14.000 Still alive. 0.99
00:06:15.000 Beverly Cleary, 96. Wow.
00:06:17.000 96 years old.
00:06:19.000 Living it in Oregon.
00:06:20.000 Smoking reefer.
00:06:21.000 You think so?
00:06:22.000 Probably.
00:06:23.000 Why else would you live in Oregon? 1.00
00:06:24.000 Would you have sex with her just to say you did? 0.99
00:06:26.000 Oregon's gorgeous. 1.00
00:06:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:06:27.000 You would live in Oregon because it's gorgeous.
00:06:28.000 Reefer's not even illegal.
00:06:30.000 It's not even illegal in Oregon.
00:06:31.000 Really?
00:06:32.000 Yeah.
00:06:32.000 Onnit.com.
00:06:33.000 O-N-N-I-T. Go there and pick up some Alpha Brain. 1.00
00:06:37.000 Ari, you should be on some right now.
00:06:39.000 It would help you.
00:06:40.000 What?
00:06:41.000 What?
00:06:42.000 What?
00:06:42.000 I thought it was legal.
00:06:44.000 It's not legal.
00:06:45.000 It's legal washing the state.
00:06:46.000 Yeah, but they all chill about it.
00:06:48.000 Barely.
00:06:48.000 Throw me a bottle of Alpha Brain.
00:06:50.000 Is that one right there?
00:06:51.000 Not in Portland, they won't.
00:06:52.000 They'll put you in jail, son.
00:06:53.000 Don't get crazy.
00:06:54.000 I've never heard of such a thing in Portland.
00:06:55.000 Listen, we've got to talk because you're going to go to jail soon anyway.
00:07:00.000 Anyway, go to Onnit.com. 0.99
00:07:02.000 Pick yourself up some fucking exercise equipment. 0.99
00:07:04.000 We have supplements. 1.00
00:07:05.000 We have food.
00:07:07.000 And we even sell the Blendtec blender, the blender that I use to make my delicious and nutritious kale shakes every morning. 1.00
00:07:13.000 One of the things that I talk about on this podcast all the time, I can't stress it enough, is take care of your fucking body, man. 0.99
00:07:18.000 Eat some healthy food. 0.99
00:07:19.000 Take some vitamins.
00:07:20.000 It's all good for you.
00:07:23.000 And it's important to do that and to get a little exercise in. 1.00
00:07:26.000 It makes your fucking shit work better, you freaks. 1.00
00:07:28.000 So go there, get yourself some Himalayan salt or some killer bee honey. 1.00
00:07:33.000 That's right, Ari, we have killer bee honey. 1.00
00:07:35.000 Killer bee honey?
00:07:35.000 Mm-hmm.
00:07:37.000 Ask me why.
00:07:38.000 Hey, Rogan.
00:07:40.000 Why do you have killer bee honey? 0.97
00:07:42.000 Because it sounds fucking badass. 0.97
00:07:44.000 It does. 0.83
00:07:44.000 That's the only reason to have it. 0.83
00:07:45.000 It's a good idea now, but wait until those bees want their honey back. 1.00
00:07:48.000 Then where are they going? 1.00
00:07:49.000 Just play a fucking cell phone around them. 1.00
00:07:51.000 They fall out of the sky. 1.00
00:07:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:07:52.000 Little pussies. 1.00
00:07:53.000 Remember we talked to that fighter about honey in Vegas over the weekend, Ari? 0.99
00:07:58.000 Yeah, Eve Edwards. 0.99
00:08:00.000 Yeah.
00:08:01.000 What about curative properties of honey?
00:08:04.000 It actually dries you out really quickly because there's so much in there for the body to process that it takes all the fluids away from your...
00:08:13.000 Really?
00:08:13.000 So it helps them cut weight by eating?
00:08:15.000 Yeah, and then they add the...
00:08:17.000 Oh, I don't know if that helps them cut weight, but then it adds everything back.
00:08:19.000 That would make sense.
00:08:19.000 That's interesting.
00:08:20.000 It's really, I don't think what he said was scientific in any way, so that's not a part of this commercial.
00:08:26.000 Replenishes everything. 0.94
00:08:27.000 What the fuck does that mean? 0.98
00:08:28.000 I was like, if you get dehydrated, isn't it like, completely take it out of here? 0.99
00:08:32.000 This is a commercial.
00:08:32.000 You can't lie in commercials.
00:08:34.000 You can get in trouble.
00:08:35.000 People are like, there's nothing in Honey that does any of these things.
00:08:38.000 What they said is clearly a lie.
00:08:40.000 What they're doing is deceiving people.
00:08:42.000 This guy's pretending, well, I don't know, I'm just his friend. 0.99
00:08:45.000 No, this is a goddamn commercial. 0.98
00:08:46.000 Is this not the commercial part of your show, Mr. Rogan? 1.00
00:08:49.000 Yeah, it's the commercial, but Ari was high and he was just talking shit. 0.99
00:08:52.000 He doesn't really know. 0.99
00:08:53.000 He talked to Eve Edwards. 1.00
00:08:54.000 Eve Edwards probably heard it from some fucking guru somewhere. 0.99
00:08:57.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:08:58.000 I don't know if it's necessarily true.
00:08:59.000 So don't use honey to cut weight.
00:09:01.000 I wasn't saying it's to cut weight.
00:09:03.000 Unless it works.
00:09:04.000 That's what they were saying about removing water from your system.
00:09:07.000 It just dehydrates you quickly.
00:09:09.000 What do people that cut weight do?
00:09:11.000 No, but the water is just going to your stomach.
00:09:13.000 What do people that cut weight do?
00:09:15.000 They dehydrate.
00:09:16.000 No, but it's not going anywhere.
00:09:18.000 Yeah, but they're not pissing it out.
00:09:19.000 What are they doing?
00:09:20.000 They're taking it somewhere else?
00:09:21.000 Yeah, it's going away from your throat and the outsides.
00:09:24.000 Oh, like as a coating?
00:09:26.000 Like if you're feeling puffy.
00:09:27.000 Yeah, because the body doesn't know what the deal is, so it sends all the fluids in there to sort of fight out the honey. 0.90
00:09:31.000 If you drink a lot, like if you're an alcoholic.
00:09:33.000 It's better for your throat.
00:09:34.000 Listen, this sounds like nonsense.
00:09:36.000 You know when you're swollen because you drink too much?
00:09:38.000 You can get rid of that by eating honey.
00:09:40.000 Yeah, but I think it's soothing. 0.99
00:09:42.000 It's actually good for injuries, like scratches and shit on your skin. 0.91
00:09:47.000 It has anti-fungal properties. 0.95
00:09:51.000 Yeah, it's also, they use it as a preservative.
00:09:54.000 They used to store their mushrooms in honey.
00:09:56.000 When they had psychedelic mushrooms, they'd dry them out and they would store them in honey to keep them from going bad.
00:10:03.000 And they speculate that is one of the original ways, and this is just pure speculation, that human beings started drinking alcoholic beverages was fermented honey.
00:10:14.000 It's called mead.
00:10:16.000 That's mead?
00:10:17.000 Have you ever had mead?
00:10:19.000 No.
00:10:19.000 Me neither.
00:10:21.000 Yeah, honey, people have had honey...
00:10:24.000 I haven't tried that, though.
00:10:25.000 They've used it as a preservative for a long-ass time.
00:10:27.000 This homeopathic doctor in Portland told me that honey was super great for your throat.
00:10:31.000 You know what I just heard?
00:10:32.000 Quack.
00:10:33.000 Quack, quack, quack.
00:10:35.000 Homeopathic doctor. 1.00
00:10:36.000 Get out of here with your crystals, you fuckhead. 1.00
00:10:38.000 No crystals. 1.00
00:10:38.000 You're going to say honey is good for your throat. 1.00
00:10:40.000 Your Chinese herbs. 1.00
00:10:41.000 It's 2013, bitch, okay? 1.00
00:10:44.000 Get away from me. 1.00
00:10:45.000 Honey? 1.00
00:10:46.000 With your fucking green powder and your voodoo medicine. 1.00
00:10:50.000 It's honey. 1.00
00:10:50.000 It's not pretty powder. 1.00
00:10:52.000 Get some kettlebells in your life and become manly as fuck, Ari Shafir. 0.99
00:10:56.000 Do some cleans and snatches. 0.99
00:10:58.000 There's 60-pounders over there. 0.99
00:10:59.000 If in the middle of the show you just feel fired up and you're ready to do a Turkish get-up with 60 pounds, you let the world know what the fuck is up, alright? 1.00
00:11:06.000 You go there and show them. 0.99
00:11:07.000 You got it in you. 1.00
00:11:08.000 I had 20 pounds in me and that fucking shattered my knees. 0.99
00:11:11.000 You choose an interesting soul, Ari. 0.99
00:11:14.000 What?
00:11:14.000 Yes, you chose this life, Ari.
00:11:16.000 You chose this path that you're going through.
00:11:20.000 Yeah, I don't know, Melissa.
00:11:22.000 I love you, but I don't know.
00:11:24.000 Chose your body. 0.99
00:11:25.000 That's the weirdest one.
00:11:27.000 Well, the idea is...
00:11:28.000 You can't see any basis for that.
00:11:30.000 Yeah, the idea is that you came from another dimension, I think is what she's trying to say.
00:11:34.000 I don't necessarily agree with it, but I see what she's saying.
00:11:37.000 Anyway... 1.00
00:11:39.000 Fuck all that. 1.00
00:11:40.000 The way to combat all that silliness is to get some manly shit in your life, like some battle ropes. 1.00
00:11:45.000 Go get some hemp protein powder. 0.99
00:11:48.000 Which, by the way, Colorado is trying to grow hemp now.
00:11:51.000 This is going to be very interesting.
00:11:53.000 Because hemp, you should know, the hemp that we use to make hemp for is protein powder.
00:11:58.000 It's very expensive and we can't grow it ourselves.
00:12:01.000 We have to buy it in Canada.
00:12:03.000 It's crazy.
00:12:04.000 The reason why is because it is not illegal and it's not psychoactive, but it is not legal to grow it in America.
00:12:13.000 It's a crazy thing.
00:12:15.000 Like, if you have it, nobody can do anything.
00:12:17.000 If you bought it from another country, it's absolutely okay to have.
00:12:21.000 It's not illegal, but you can't grow it yourself. 0.98
00:12:24.000 It is one of the wackiest, stupidest examples of bureaucracy, government, and the idea that the people that run things are the best ones for the job and the most logical representatives of the human race. 1.00
00:12:40.000 That shit is ridiculous. 1.00
00:12:42.000 That's not the case. 1.00
00:12:43.000 We have a bunch of monkeys that made a bunch of dumbass laws, and some of them are still in place. 0.98
00:12:47.000 And they should be removed ASAP. Anyone with power, Obama, would look at this and say, this is not even a drug issue, okay, Mr. Obama, sir. 0.99
00:12:59.000 It's not even a drug issue.
00:13:01.000 This is an issue.
00:13:02.000 It's an agriculture issue.
00:13:03.000 There's an amazing plant.
00:13:05.000 Take away the whole weed thing.
00:13:07.000 Throw it out the door. 0.93
00:13:09.000 There's an amazing plant that's essentially a cousin's different strain of the same plant.
00:13:14.000 And it's not psychoactive.
00:13:16.000 And what it is is amazing.
00:13:19.000 You can make food with it.
00:13:22.000 It makes nutritious bars.
00:13:23.000 We sell hemp bars on Onnit.com as well now. 0.98
00:13:26.000 They're fucking awesome. 0.95
00:13:27.000 You can make clothes with it. 0.98
00:13:30.000 Superior clothes.
00:13:31.000 The reason why canvas is called canvas, the word cannabis Hemp. 0.99
00:13:37.000 Hemp is what they used to make fucking canvas. 0.94
00:13:40.000 Hemp is what was used in the parachute that George Bush Sr. parachuted to safety with in World War II. I mean, it's fucking... 1.00
00:13:49.000 Or was it Korea? 1.00
00:13:50.000 Whatever it was.
00:13:51.000 One of those wars.
00:13:52.000 One of those wars.
00:13:53.000 I think it was World War II. My point being, it's an amazing plant outside of the fact that you can make oil with it, you can heat your house with it, you can actually make a house with it.
00:14:03.000 Outside of the fact that Henry Ford's first fucking car, the panels of the car were made out of hemp. 0.93
00:14:10.000 This is bananas, okay? 0.98
00:14:12.000 This is an unbelievably useful...
00:14:14.000 And you can't make anything druggy out of it?
00:14:16.000 No, nothing.
00:14:17.000 Zero.
00:14:17.000 You can make a pipe out of it, I guess.
00:14:19.000 You can make rolling papers.
00:14:21.000 It's unbelievably useful.
00:14:24.000 I would say it's the most useful plant on the face of the earth.
00:14:29.000 Unless they come up with some new plant that has unbelievable regenerative capabilities and cures Alzheimer's disease and they find it in the jungle, until they find that plant, I would say that hemp is the most useful plant on the face of the earth.
00:14:44.000 And it's illegal.
00:14:45.000 I would say a fern is.
00:14:47.000 A what?
00:14:48.000 A fern?
00:14:49.000 A fern?
00:14:49.000 Well, that's because you're trying to be funny.
00:14:54.000 But Colorado is growing hemp now, so it's really interesting.
00:14:58.000 I'm really curious to see what happens.
00:14:59.000 So is the federal government going to raid them?
00:15:01.000 That's a good question.
00:15:02.000 We're going to find out.
00:15:02.000 Because if they raid them, they're raiding them for what?
00:15:04.000 It's an agriculture issue.
00:15:05.000 It's an issue that really should be resolved.
00:15:07.000 Because I think they're worried that it looks too much like marijuana and that people are going to grow this.
00:15:13.000 Yeah, it looks just like it.
00:15:14.000 So people are going to grow it.
00:15:16.000 It just doesn't have buds.
00:15:17.000 The buds are what get you high.
00:15:18.000 So people are going to grow it and they're going to say, oh, I was just growing hemp.
00:15:22.000 And you go there and they've got a marijuana drug business.
00:15:25.000 So since Colorado is making marijuana legal...
00:15:29.000 They're also trying to grow hemp.
00:15:31.000 That makes sense.
00:15:32.000 Yeah.
00:15:33.000 Get it together, America. 1.00
00:15:35.000 It's just some stupid shit. 1.00
00:15:36.000 That can't be the reason they're keeping it illegal. 1.00
00:15:38.000 That is the reason.
00:15:40.000 That is the reason.
00:15:42.000 That's the excuse.
00:15:43.000 But it's also...
00:15:44.000 There's other...
00:15:49.000 We're good to go.
00:15:52.000 We're good to go.
00:16:03.000 They're the ones that initiated it through Hearst newspapers. 1.00
00:16:05.000 They just made up stories about Mexicans and blacks raping these white women. 1.00
00:16:11.000 Because of pot? 0.99
00:16:11.000 They blamed it on this thing called marijuana, which was a new drug that nobody had ever heard of, even though everybody was familiar with hemp. 0.99
00:16:19.000 So they came up with a new name for it.
00:16:21.000 But the new name wasn't even the real name for marijuana.
00:16:23.000 What did they call marijuana before?
00:16:24.000 Marijuana was a wild form of Mexican tobacco.
00:16:28.000 It wasn't even marijuana pot.
00:16:30.000 It was a different thing.
00:16:33.000 Oh, so what do they have before you?
00:16:34.000 Allegedly, by the way.
00:16:35.000 I got all this online.
00:16:36.000 What were they smoking before?
00:16:37.000 Because they found marijuana in ancient Egypt.
00:16:39.000 Yes.
00:16:40.000 So they had something before.
00:16:41.000 You're not paying attention.
00:16:43.000 Marijuana, the word marijuana, was invented to demonize it.
00:16:47.000 Right, right.
00:16:48.000 Marijuana has existed for thousands and thousands and thousands of years.
00:16:52.000 Yeah.
00:16:52.000 That's not the issue.
00:16:53.000 The issue is the word marijuana was created by William Randolph Hearst and Harry Anslinger and put in these newspapers.
00:17:01.000 And the use of that word to describe cannabis, that's the only time they used it.
00:17:07.000 Marijuana is a Mexican word for a wild form of tobacco.
00:17:11.000 It's not a slang.
00:17:13.000 Initially it wasn't, at least.
00:17:14.000 Of course it is now.
00:17:15.000 It was not a slang for the cannabis plants.
00:17:17.000 Right, no, I got that.
00:17:18.000 But when you said they use it to demonize this new drug...
00:17:21.000 Because they called it a new drug, Ari.
00:17:23.000 They called it marijuana.
00:17:24.000 They didn't know what they were making illegal.
00:17:26.000 But then they applied that name to what they were smoking before?
00:17:29.000 Exactly.
00:17:30.000 Didn't everybody know?
00:17:31.000 Like, well, no, we've already smoked that.
00:17:32.000 That's something else.
00:17:32.000 Exactly.
00:17:33.000 Didn't matter.
00:17:33.000 There's new laws now.
00:17:35.000 And there was this...
00:17:36.000 They first did it with, like, a tax thing.
00:17:38.000 You had to get a stamp.
00:17:40.000 And then they made it totally illegal. 0.93
00:17:41.000 It was like a couple of steps, and essentially they took a lot of the people that were working in Prohibition, and once Prohibition went away for alcohol, they just said, well, just fucking get these people to work for weed.
00:17:51.000 And they just went after marijuana, which was cannabis before that. 0.57
00:17:56.000 Before that it was cannabis.
00:17:57.000 Everybody knew it as cannabis.
00:17:58.000 So all of a sudden they're like, wait a minute, you're calling it what?
00:18:01.000 And now it's illegal?
00:18:03.000 And when the people who made it, when they voted on it, when they made it illegal, they didn't even know they were making hemp illegal.
00:18:09.000 Like, it was so confusing. 0.98
00:18:11.000 They were trying to stop this new drug that was just spreading across the nation, and whites were getting raped by Mexicans and blacks, and it's called marijuana. 0.99
00:18:19.000 And everyone's like, what? 0.99
00:18:20.000 But if they said, people are smoking cannabis and they're raping, you'd be like, wait a minute. 0.92
00:18:25.000 When did they start raping? 1.00
00:18:27.000 Because they've always been smoking cannabis. 0.83
00:18:29.000 But then they describe marijuana, they describe the leaf of a cannabis.
00:18:34.000 How do they apply the two together?
00:18:37.000 What?
00:18:38.000 When you said they had this new drug called marijuana.
00:18:40.000 Yeah, they just renamed it.
00:18:42.000 Yeah, but then how did people think that that was marijuana they were talking about?
00:18:46.000 How did they think that was cannabis they were talking about?
00:18:48.000 And not...
00:18:49.000 They didn't.
00:18:51.000 That's why they made it illegal, and they didn't even understand that marijuana was cannabis.
00:18:56.000 Right.
00:18:56.000 Oh, and the bill.
00:18:57.000 When they were making marijuana illegal, they thought they were making this new drug, this new thing that they had become aware of.
00:19:03.000 They thought they were making that illegal.
00:19:05.000 That's why they named it marijuana when they were going after it in these stories.
00:19:09.000 So when William Randolph Hearst wrote all these propaganda things, and that's when Reefer Madness came out and all this propaganda came out that's showing, like, People taking marijuana and going crazy.
00:19:20.000 All that was instigated because William Randolph first, first of all, he owned paper mills.
00:19:24.000 And the paper mills use trees.
00:19:28.000 And hemp is far superior for making paper.
00:19:31.000 It's a better paper.
00:19:32.000 It lasts longer.
00:19:33.000 And you can grow four times as much.
00:19:36.000 You can also grow it.
00:19:38.000 It replenishes itself within months.
00:19:40.000 Whereas with trees, it takes years for trees to grow.
00:19:43.000 You can replenish an entire forest of hemp in a few months.
00:19:47.000 I mean, it's an unbelievable resource.
00:19:50.000 So William Randolph Hearst knew that he was going to have to change over all of his paper mills and all of his forests that were filled with trees. 0.97
00:19:56.000 He was going to have to change that shit over to make hemp paper now. 0.93
00:20:00.000 The reason being was because they came up with a new product called a decorticator. 0.98
00:20:04.000 And what a decorticator is, is a machine that allowed them to effectively process the hemp fiber.
00:20:09.000 So for the first time, they didn't have to use slave labor, which was the only way they did it before. 0.98
00:20:14.000 And then once the cotton gin came along, they were like, well, why are we fucking around with this hemp shit when it's too difficult to break down the hemp fiber? 0.99
00:20:22.000 When we can just do cotton. 0.99
00:20:23.000 Cotton is not as strong, but it's easier to make.
00:20:26.000 Then the decorticator came out, and they're like, look, we figured out a better way to deal with the hemp.
00:20:30.000 Let's get back to hemp. 1.00
00:20:31.000 And William Randolph Hearst was like, fuck that. 1.00
00:20:34.000 No. 1.00
00:20:34.000 That's going to cost me money. 1.00
00:20:36.000 So that one cunt, that one shithead, the reason why, I mean, that's Rosebud. 1.00
00:20:41.000 I mean, he was such a megalomaniacal cunt that Orson Welles made a fucking movie about him. 1.00
00:20:46.000 Oh, really? 1.00
00:20:47.000 Yeah.
00:20:47.000 William Randolph Hearst.
00:20:48.000 He was a real piece of shit. 1.00
00:20:50.000 And that's what he did, this fuckface. 1.00
00:20:52.000 So he made up this drug called marijuana. 0.99
00:20:54.000 Him and Harry Anslinger and all the – there was a lot of people involved that were benefiting from marijuana being illegal.
00:21:03.000 It was just like when they lobby now.
00:21:05.000 In the bill, they said to get rid of this new drug called marijuana in that – No.
00:21:08.000 What they were doing was trying to stop hemp because the new decorticator had been invented. 0.91
00:21:12.000 So they were trying to stop hemp.
00:21:13.000 The way they decided to stop hemp – Was classifying it as marijuana, classifying it as a new drug. 0.98
00:21:19.000 It was just a sneaky, underhanded, shitty thing to do. 0.99
00:21:22.000 Joe. 0.99
00:21:22.000 Oh, wow. 0.99
00:21:23.000 Want to start it?
00:21:24.000 Is that what you're doing?
00:21:25.000 I'm just reminding you that you're in a commercial.
00:21:27.000 I know.
00:21:28.000 But I don't want to talk about this anymore on the podcast because we've talked about it on the podcast a million times.
00:21:32.000 I thought you already knew this story.
00:21:34.000 Yeah, I did.
00:21:34.000 I just didn't understand.
00:21:35.000 I was only trying to clarify when you said he made up this new drug called marijuana.
00:21:39.000 They made up the name.
00:21:40.000 Yeah.
00:21:41.000 But then how did people know they were talking about weed instead of cocaine or any other drug?
00:21:45.000 Because they said this is marijuana.
00:21:48.000 They showed you the leaf or something. 1.00
00:21:48.000 They showed you the leaf and they showed you the buds and they showed – but what fucked people up was there had been people that had been smoking that shit forever and then farmers had been using that shit forever. 1.00
00:22:00.000 What fucked people up was like, wait a minute. 0.99
00:22:02.000 The Popular Science magazine cover that just came out was Hemp, the New Billion Dollar Crop. 0.99
00:22:09.000 So what they did was they went, fuck that, and they stopped that, and they put the brakes on it. 0.98
00:22:14.000 That's why hemp is illegal as well as marijuana. 0.99
00:22:19.000 The only reason they're having hemp illegal now is for the same reason that they had marijuana illegal before, just because it looks like the other thing.
00:22:25.000 The only reason marijuana was ever made illegal in the first place had nothing to do with getting high off of it.
00:22:33.000 Right.
00:22:35.000 Doctors had been prescribing hemp, the edible marijuana form of it, for remedies.
00:22:41.000 It had been in medicines forever.
00:22:43.000 Doctors had prescribed marijuana for people, like edible forms of marijuana, forever.
00:22:49.000 There was no worries about that.
00:22:51.000 They used it as a trick.
00:22:52.000 They used that as a trick. 0.54
00:22:54.000 It was just ignorance.
00:22:55.000 People didn't know any better back then.
00:22:58.000 They snuck it in, and that's the reason.
00:23:00.000 It had nothing to do with getting high.
00:23:02.000 It had everything to do with stopping hemp as a commodity, as something that you can make cars with.
00:23:07.000 The Henry Ford car, the first car, you should see it. 0.98
00:23:10.000 He waxed the fucking fenders with a hammer. 0.99
00:23:12.000 It's this hemp fiber. 1.00
00:23:14.000 Hemp is like an alien plant.
00:23:16.000 It's the weirdest thing ever.
00:23:17.000 If you don't know about it, if you've never encountered it, when you think about pot, all you think about is smoking it and getting high.
00:23:24.000 But the stalk of the planet is like it's from another planet.
00:23:29.000 It can be that thick around, like a thick like a fat man's leg, okay? 0.55
00:23:35.000 Or not a fat man. 0.97
00:23:36.000 A fat man's calf is what I meant to say. 0.99
00:23:38.000 Like that thick around and really light but unbelievably hard. 0.78
00:23:43.000 It's weird.
00:23:45.000 There's nothing like it. 0.99
00:23:46.000 It's like this big, hard thing, but it's light as fuck. 0.98
00:23:50.000 You can whip it around, it doesn't make any sense. 0.98
00:23:52.000 It's like if it was balsa wood, it would be that light, but it would just break apart in your hands.
00:23:56.000 You smash it on things, you put big dents in it.
00:23:59.000 Not hemp.
00:23:59.000 No, hemp is hard, but it's light.
00:24:02.000 It's really weird.
00:24:03.000 It has incredible properties.
00:24:05.000 You make amazing cloth out of it.
00:24:08.000 It's so hard to rip.
00:24:09.000 Like, I have a hemp gi bag that Datsura made me.
00:24:13.000 Datsura is a cool company that makes... 0.79
00:24:15.000 They make hemp geese, they make hemp gee bags, laptop bags, and shit like that. 0.99
00:24:20.000 You could fucking pull on it, man. 0.99
00:24:23.000 You are not ripping that stuff. 0.99
00:24:25.000 And it's not resistance to bacteria and stuff like that.
00:24:27.000 Exactly.
00:24:27.000 Well, it is resistant to bacteria.
00:24:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:24:30.000 It's an amazing plant. 0.99
00:24:31.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.98
00:24:33.000 You don't need pesticides with it. 0.99
00:24:35.000 You can eat it.
00:24:36.000 It has all the essential fatty acids. 0.60
00:24:38.000 You sound like such a hippie douche when you go on and on and on about it.
00:24:41.000 But it's so amazing, it's hard to believe that it's real. 0.99
00:24:45.000 It's hard to believe that it's a real situation that we live in 2013 with all the information that we have today that's still illegal and that there's a giant truck that parked behind our fucking door. 0.94
00:24:56.000 Why does this cutback keep parking right behind us? 1.00
00:24:58.000 We have a spot back there. 1.00
00:25:00.000 You shouldn't be parking there anyway, that fuckface. 1.00
00:25:03.000 Treat everyone as if it was you living another life, unless they have a loud-ass truck and they're being cunty. 1.00
00:25:08.000 Alright folks, hit the music.
00:25:09.000 Ari Shaffir is here.
00:25:10.000 Oh yeah, go to onnit.com.
00:25:11.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and you can save 10% off some supplements. 1.00
00:25:15.000 You dirty fucks. 0.99
00:25:19.000 The Joe Rogan Experience. 1.00
00:25:25.000 All day!
00:25:27.000 So what was it that we had said?
00:25:29.000 Do you remember?
00:25:30.000 Do you remember what I told you to save for the podcast that we were just talking about?
00:25:34.000 Yeah, hang on.
00:25:35.000 Do you remember?
00:25:36.000 Barely.
00:25:38.000 Oh yeah, my friend who fell for the Nigerian scam. 1.00
00:25:40.000 Yeah, he fell for a Nigerian scam. 0.99
00:25:42.000 By the way, this is Ari Shafir, ladies and gentlemen.
00:25:44.000 And Ari Shafir's new comedy special drops today.
00:25:47.000 Passive-aggressive!
00:25:48.000 Where can you get it?
00:25:49.000 You can go to AriTheGreat.com.
00:25:50.000 You can also go to AriShafir.com.
00:25:52.000 Look, that's the Jew in him. 0.97
00:25:53.000 See how excited he got him?
00:25:54.000 This is what I did all morning.
00:25:55.000 This is what I did all morning.
00:25:56.000 I did Kevin Bede this morning.
00:25:57.000 I said hi.
00:25:58.000 Oh, cool.
00:25:58.000 Those guys are great.
00:25:59.000 Yeah.
00:26:00.000 Yeah, they're way cooler than I thought, you know?
00:26:02.000 Oh, really?
00:26:02.000 You didn't think they were going to be cool?
00:26:03.000 I just didn't know.
00:26:04.000 Anytime you tell me somebody's been in business for 30 years, I just assume that means conservative and they're not going to like me.
00:26:09.000 Yeah, you assume they're old and that they're, like, just out of touch, right?
00:26:14.000 Yeah, something, yeah.
00:26:15.000 Living that soft world of radio.
00:26:18.000 Yeah, I just look at them as adults or something.
00:26:20.000 It's like you've been in something, I don't know.
00:26:21.000 As opposed to yourself. 0.99
00:26:23.000 Yeah, or just people that are, like, just trying shit. 1.00
00:26:24.000 You know, people think of you as an adult, you fuck. 1.00
00:26:26.000 I guess so. 1.00
00:26:27.000 You know, you're, like, middle-aged.
00:26:29.000 Yeah.
00:26:29.000 I'm not even grown up.
00:26:31.000 You're middle-aged, you fuck. 1.00
00:26:33.000 I live like such a slob. 1.00
00:26:34.000 Yeah, you're middle-aged if you're lucky. 0.93
00:26:36.000 If you're lucky, you live to be 72, 73 years old.
00:26:39.000 That's pretty good.
00:26:40.000 I hope I don't get black mold.
00:26:42.000 It'll just stay there.
00:26:43.000 Yeah, if you got black mold...
00:26:45.000 It would be the end of me.
00:26:46.000 There would be no cleaning.
00:26:47.000 They definitely should do studies on my body afterwards to see what happens for prolonged use. 1.00
00:26:52.000 Yeah, they would look at your apartment alone and say, this motherfucker is like, he's a study. 0.99
00:26:58.000 He's just studying what the body can deflect. 1.00
00:27:02.000 There's like 18 different toxins in his hand.
00:27:04.000 How did it all hold off?
00:27:05.000 So what happened with your cousin?
00:27:07.000 Your cousin got busted by the Nigerians?
00:27:08.000 My friend's brother started getting real cunty to everybody and saying, You'll see real soon. 1.00
00:27:17.000 I won't have to take this shit anymore from you. 1.00
00:27:19.000 And just started being like an asshole and like, what's your story? 1.00
00:27:22.000 Like, I got a plan going. 1.00
00:27:24.000 I'm gonna be really rich really soon.
00:27:27.000 He was in contact with this Nigerian prince who was trying to get out but needed someone to transfer the money to for a reward.
00:27:37.000 Yeah.
00:27:38.000 Like the scam.
00:27:40.000 He fell for the scam.
00:27:41.000 How long ago was this?
00:27:42.000 Five or six years ago.
00:27:44.000 Not long enough where it's like you must have been the first one to find out about it.
00:27:47.000 Wow.
00:27:48.000 Yeah.
00:27:50.000 Yeah.
00:27:51.000 Tim's little brother.
00:27:53.000 What's hilarious is that he started getting douchey first.
00:27:55.000 Yeah!
00:27:56.000 Like, that's how you're reacting to his money?
00:27:58.000 Did you see him being told the whole thing?
00:28:03.000 No, he just told us about it later.
00:28:04.000 But you know the way Eddie Bravo, when you convinced him you were getting 10 grand?
00:28:07.000 When he was getting 10 grand, he was super nice to you.
00:28:09.000 He goes, Brian, you're about to come into some money.
00:28:11.000 Like, that's a nice white person's way of reacting to it. 1.00
00:28:14.000 And then this guy's like, hey, fuck you bitches. 1.00
00:28:16.000 I'm about to be out of here. 1.00
00:28:17.000 Can you imagine if that guy actually hit the lottery, what a cunt he would be? 1.00
00:28:21.000 There's some people that are like that. 1.00
00:28:22.000 They're like undercover cunts. 0.99
00:28:24.000 And they're just ready to just, like, find a reason. 0.99
00:28:27.000 Like, they've been thinking shitty about everybody for the longest time.
00:28:31.000 Yeah.
00:28:32.000 They just wait for that one opportunity to express themselves.
00:28:36.000 They book some sitcom. 1.00
00:28:36.000 I got it now, you fucks. 1.00
00:28:38.000 Yeah, that happens with actors. 0.99
00:28:42.000 Melissa Etheridge and I were talking about that yesterday, about people who make it, and then once they make it, they just act like everybody owes them.
00:28:48.000 Just really douchey.
00:28:50.000 Yeah, not like pulled away. 1.00
00:28:51.000 It just acts like an ass. 1.00
00:28:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:28:53.000 Wow. 1.00
00:28:53.000 Yeah, that's what it is. 1.00
00:28:54.000 Undercover cunts? 0.98
00:28:55.000 Is that what you said? 1.00
00:28:56.000 Undercover cunts. 0.96
00:28:57.000 Yeah, so when someone would be, like I would smell something, and somebody said, oh, he's a good guy. 1.00
00:29:03.000 I'm like, he's an undercover cunt. 1.00
00:29:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:29:05.000 He's just waiting. 1.00
00:29:07.000 In the wings.
00:29:08.000 Waiting for that moment where he has the control, you know.
00:29:12.000 He's that guy in the movie that, you know, locks the door and the monsters go and eat all the people that were outside.
00:29:17.000 I'm sorry, guys.
00:29:19.000 Like, you still have time.
00:29:20.000 He's like 20, 30 yards away.
00:29:22.000 Meanwhile, the monster's in his room and he doesn't realize it.
00:29:25.000 It always gets him.
00:29:26.000 In the movie, that guy always gets jacked.
00:29:28.000 Right?
00:29:28.000 That's Paul Reiser in Aliens.
00:29:31.000 You remember?
00:29:32.000 What did he do in Aliens?
00:29:32.000 Paul Reiser's best role was not mad about Jews.
00:29:36.000 Paul Reiser's best role was when he was the bad guy in Aliens.
00:29:41.000 He should have quit right there.
00:29:43.000 Because that mad about you was just death.
00:29:45.000 He went from comic to Aliens to then sitcom.
00:29:48.000 Yeah, and he was really good in Aliens.
00:29:50.000 He's a really good actor.
00:29:51.000 What was he like in... 0.97
00:29:52.000 He was a douchebag in the movie. 0.98
00:29:53.000 He was this guy who was an ass-kissy guy who came from this company, but then as the reality of these aliens gets revealed, he's on this other planet, as the reality of these aliens gets revealed, he just becomes more and more mercenary. 0.99
00:30:06.000 And then at the end, I don't want to give any spoiler alerts, but he get his! 0.97
00:30:12.000 Yeah.
00:30:13.000 You know?
00:30:13.000 He get his.
00:30:14.000 If it's been 30 years, you can go ahead and spoil it. 1.00
00:30:17.000 Well, he gets fucked. 0.99
00:30:18.000 If you've never seen Aliens, it's awesome. 0.98
00:30:20.000 But don't get it in Blu-ray.
00:30:22.000 Why?
00:30:23.000 Why?
00:30:23.000 Why?
00:30:23.000 Because the special effects were not designed for Blu-ray.
00:30:27.000 Oh, really?
00:30:28.000 So when you look at...
00:30:29.000 There's a scene where Sigourney Weaver is being taken towards where this ship is.
00:30:36.000 Yeah.
00:30:37.000 And they have the ship... 0.99
00:30:39.000 And it looks like shit. 0.99
00:30:40.000 It's because you have that true motion thing. 1.00
00:30:42.000 No, no, no, no.
00:30:43.000 You don't understand. 0.99
00:30:44.000 I mean, it looks like shit because it looks like a painting. 0.99
00:30:47.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99
00:30:47.000 But do you have that true motion shit on? 0.99
00:30:49.000 Dude, it's sitting there. 0.99
00:30:50.000 It's a painting.
00:30:51.000 I mean, it is a painting.
00:30:52.000 What's true motion?
00:30:53.000 What it is is, look, they put a backdrop on some sets.
00:30:57.000 Instead of creating this massive environment, instead of doing that...
00:31:02.000 They'll make this huge canvas and paint this canvas a realistic fighter jet.
00:31:07.000 Well, in a regular resolution film of the time of 1984 or something like that, whatever it was, when Aliens came out, that was fine.
00:31:15.000 They would just put that up and it would look great.
00:31:17.000 And it really did look great in those movies.
00:31:19.000 It was dark and dimly lit.
00:31:21.000 But in Blu-ray, you see every pixel. 1.00
00:31:23.000 And you see that stupid painting. 0.98
00:31:25.000 I'm like, I'm supposed to think that's a spaceship? 1.00
00:31:27.000 Like, all of a sudden, the movie sucks. 0.98
00:31:29.000 Like, right away, I'm like, this movie sucks now. 1.00
00:31:32.000 I'm looking at this stupid fucking painted spaceship. 1.00
00:31:35.000 Like, what do you think, I'm a baby? 1.00
00:31:37.000 What is this?
00:31:38.000 I remember when they were doing it, somebody was like, people can tell when they film this, right?
00:31:41.000 Like, nah, technology's not that good.
00:31:42.000 It'll be fine for 30 years, easy.
00:31:44.000 Well, True Motion does that with a lot of movies also.
00:31:46.000 True Motion makes movies look fake.
00:31:50.000 Yeah.
00:31:51.000 But that's not...
00:31:51.000 You can see the detail of like, oh, that's just an old wall in some office.
00:31:57.000 Or how it's filmed, you can just see the acting too much.
00:32:01.000 You see so many frames per second that it becomes really realistic.
00:32:07.000 You ever notice how film, things are softer?
00:32:11.000 Yeah.
00:32:12.000 The filters and everything.
00:32:13.000 Video is like a video on your cell phone when you're drunk and you make... 0.99
00:32:17.000 It's fucking harsh. 0.99
00:32:18.000 It's really harsh. 0.99
00:32:19.000 The lighting's really harsh.
00:32:20.000 Well, that's what this is.
00:32:23.000 It's better, really.
00:32:24.000 It's like you see things for what they really are, but unfortunately, what they really are is not that good.
00:32:29.000 When I was on NewsRadio, the sitcom, they were just starting to use HD, and one of the things they said, this is the 90s, NewsRadio started in 94, and it ended in 99. And one of the things they said was that they're going to have HD and these actresses are fucked. 0.98
00:32:48.000 Oh yeah, because they're going to see their mistakes. 1.00
00:32:49.000 They're fucked. 1.00
00:32:50.000 They're going to see what they really look like. 1.00
00:32:51.000 Because if they make you up right and they do your lips and they put you in their soft lights and you're on a regular... 0.71
00:32:58.000 You can look pretty goddamn good when you don't look good.
00:33:00.000 When you see them in real life, they don't have good skin or they're... 0.74
00:33:04.000 A lot of times, yeah.
00:33:04.000 They can really doctor you up amazing.
00:33:07.000 So what do they do now? 1.00
00:33:08.000 Now they're fucked. 1.00
00:33:09.000 The girls have to be better looking. 1.00
00:33:10.000 Oh, they just can't fake it anymore. 1.00
00:33:12.000 Yeah, I mean, people are used to really graphic, high-resolution porn, you know, where you see every zit on the girl's ass and, you know... 1.00
00:33:22.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:33:23.000 People are into...
00:33:24.000 That's why it's like, ew.
00:33:25.000 They're into what they call cream pieing, which is they come inside you... 0.97
00:33:29.000 It's one of the first things Yoshi gave me, ass cream pie five. 0.99
00:33:31.000 They squirt. 0.97
00:33:32.000 The come out.
00:33:33.000 But it's like, that's what people are into.
00:33:36.000 They're into like super detailed, like really...
00:33:38.000 The bubble and the sperm. 0.99
00:33:40.000 Disgusting. 0.99
00:33:41.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.98
00:33:42.000 Why would I say that?
00:33:43.000 Yeah, why would you?
00:33:44.000 Bubbles like a straw with chocolate milk.
00:33:48.000 Ew.
00:33:49.000 Bubbles.
00:33:50.000 Sperm bubbles.
00:33:52.000 Ooh.
00:33:54.000 I have that projector screen now.
00:33:56.000 It says like a 130-inch TV in my living room.
00:33:59.000 So my living room now is just like couch and wall TV. That's awesome, though, isn't it?
00:34:04.000 It's really awesome.
00:34:05.000 That's like the full entertainment.
00:34:07.000 Your old room is humongous.
00:34:08.000 No, this is like that.
00:34:10.000 That whole wall is just a TV. Yours is bigger than the one that I used to have at my house.
00:34:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:34:15.000 It's like small movie theaters.
00:34:17.000 Do you have to turn your head back and forth in order to...
00:34:19.000 No, you just kind of feel like you're in the movie at a point. 0.72
00:34:22.000 I watched Blu-ray porn And it was so disturbing because not only was the vagina taller than me in real life, but it was just like every single little detail, like freckle, and it looked like there was some yellow stuff coming out at one point. 1.00
00:34:41.000 Wait, would you freeze-framed it and walked up to it? 0.91
00:34:43.000 No, I didn't.
00:34:45.000 He came on it. 1.00
00:34:47.000 He came on a vagina bigger than him. 1.00
00:34:52.000 Up and down it. 1.00
00:34:53.000 Have you taken pictures of yourself? 1.00
00:34:55.000 Have you not taken pictures of yourself next to a giant vagina? 1.00
00:34:58.000 Not yet. 1.00
00:34:59.000 You should be doing that immediately. 0.95
00:35:00.000 100 inches is pretty fucking big, dude. 0.98
00:35:02.000 And it's really disturbing watching violent porn, like Asa Akira or something like that, because that's just so hardcore, so big. 0.99
00:35:10.000 It gives you heart palpitations.
00:35:12.000 I feel like you need a homework. 1.00
00:35:13.000 I'm really not into that shit. 0.98
00:35:15.000 I'm not into that hardcore stuff at all. 0.99
00:35:17.000 Asa Akira.
00:35:18.000 I'm not into watching... 0.77
00:35:21.000 Like violent porn. 1.00
00:35:22.000 Like the hurting people, slapping people, gagging them and shit like that. 0.99
00:35:26.000 I don't get that. 0.99
00:35:28.000 I see plenty of violence.
00:35:30.000 I don't connect violence and sex.
00:35:33.000 Nobody sees more violence than me. 0.99
00:35:36.000 It's pretty rare that a human being in all of history has seen more guys get the fuck beat out of them than me. 0.98
00:35:43.000 I've seen a lot of violence, and I don't like it in my porn. 0.99
00:35:47.000 No, I like head kicks inside the octagon or the Muay Thai ring. 0.77
00:35:54.000 There's no porn with head kicks, are there?
00:35:57.000 Sure there is. 0.84
00:35:58.000 There's more than one.
00:36:01.000 There's one that Tyler Knight fought in our body that was on the podcast at one point in time.
00:36:04.000 If you just watch Jiu Jitsu at half speed, it's pretty hot.
00:36:09.000 Hot speech.
00:36:12.000 I don't think that's the porn he was talking about.
00:36:14.000 I think he's talking about guys and girls.
00:36:16.000 But what they did was these guys fought. 1.00
00:36:19.000 They fought it out, and the winner got to fuck the girls. 1.00
00:36:22.000 So they had like real fights. 1.00
00:36:24.000 What?
00:36:24.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:36:25.000 Dudes got knocked out.
00:36:25.000 What organization was that called?
00:36:27.000 Well, I don't know.
00:36:28.000 They made it out, man. 1.00
00:36:29.000 It's some fucking porn. 1.00
00:36:30.000 But one of them was this dude, Aaron Brink, who was an MMA guy who turned to porn. 1.00
00:36:36.000 So he was like a real fighter. 0.96
00:36:38.000 And so he beat the shit out of Tyler. 0.98
00:36:40.000 Wow. 0.98
00:36:41.000 I don't know how Tyler agreed to that. 0.87
00:36:44.000 He's crazy, though. 1.00
00:36:45.000 Tyler's nuts. 1.00
00:36:45.000 He wanted to fuck that girl. 1.00
00:36:46.000 Yeah, Tyler had like a boxing match with Mario Lopez. 1.00
00:36:49.000 Really?
00:36:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:36:50.000 Wait, so you're going to fuck right after you win the match? 1.00
00:36:53.000 Well, I don't know. 1.00
00:36:53.000 Maybe they give you a little break. 1.00
00:36:55.000 God, seriously. 0.99
00:36:57.000 Well, if the girl's hot and you're really horny and you get a quick KO, maybe you'll be pumped up with a jizz. 1.00
00:37:02.000 The spoils of your victory? 1.00
00:37:03.000 Yeah, but people have to watch and put a camera in your face and shit. 1.00
00:37:07.000 You get all comfortable. 1.00
00:37:08.000 While you're coming, there's other men in the room staring at you.
00:37:12.000 Guys, come on.
00:37:13.000 Let me shower. 1.00
00:37:14.000 Damn it! 1.00
00:37:15.000 Why are you in the air watching you do this? 1.00
00:37:19.000 I did some web video once and it was in a porno academy.
00:37:23.000 You had to learn how to be a porno guy.
00:37:25.000 Oh, it was like a parody? 0.81
00:37:27.000 Yeah, and that slave from Borat, not Borat, Bruno.
00:37:32.000 Remember the little slave he had in the beginning?
00:37:33.000 I didn't see Bruno.
00:37:34.000 Oh, really?
00:37:35.000 No.
00:37:36.000 Wow.
00:37:36.000 How could you never see it?
00:37:37.000 You should have saw it.
00:37:38.000 You love Borat so much.
00:37:39.000 Yeah, no, I did love Borat.
00:37:40.000 I have it.
00:37:41.000 I have it on DVDs.
00:37:42.000 I do that sometimes with movies.
00:37:43.000 I'm like, nah.
00:37:44.000 It just never happens. 0.92
00:37:45.000 It took me forever to see Tropical Thunder, but I fucking loved it. 0.86
00:37:48.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:37:48.000 It took me forever to see it. 0.95
00:37:50.000 It took me years.
00:37:50.000 Like Eddie Bravo would say, you haven't seen it yet.
00:37:52.000 You still haven't fucking seen it yet. 0.97
00:37:53.000 I'm like, dude, I haven't seen it yet. 0.99
00:37:54.000 You gotta see it, man.
00:37:55.000 You gotta see it.
00:37:56.000 You gotta see it.
00:37:56.000 You gotta see it.
00:37:57.000 I'm like, okay.
00:37:58.000 Is this the painting?
00:37:59.000 The alien ship?
00:38:00.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:38:01.000 It was inside a hangar.
00:38:03.000 And they were walking up to one of their ships inside the hangar. 0.99
00:38:08.000 And it looked fake as fuck. 0.98
00:38:10.000 It was hilarious. 0.99
00:38:12.000 I paused it. 1.00
00:38:13.000 I was like, that looks like shit. 1.00
00:38:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:38:16.000 Wow.
00:38:17.000 Yeah.
00:38:18.000 The dinosaurs from Jurassic Park look bad on HD. Oh, did you think so?
00:38:22.000 Yeah.
00:38:23.000 I didn't think so.
00:38:24.000 Well, I only saw the T-Rex film, the T-Rex footage.
00:38:28.000 I was flipping it through the other night.
00:38:30.000 Oh, really?
00:38:30.000 Yeah, the T-Rex, when it first came over that fence.
00:38:33.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:38:34.000 Goddamn, that was a great scene. 0.99
00:38:35.000 That was one of the greatest monster movie scenes ever. 0.93
00:38:38.000 When they realized that the electric fence was off. 1.00
00:38:41.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:38:42.000 And then they heard that thing stomp. 1.00
00:38:45.000 And you see the glass, like the wiggle in the glass when the thing stomps.
00:38:50.000 You're like, oh no. 0.98
00:38:51.000 And then it comes over the fucking top. 0.99
00:38:55.000 You're like, what? 0.99
00:38:56.000 Remember that?
00:38:57.000 They're driving away from it and it's running after them?
00:38:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:38:59.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:39:01.000 Although they don't think that T-Rex really moved that fast. 0.99
00:39:04.000 Really?
00:39:05.000 Yeah.
00:39:05.000 The new speculation, I think, is that T-Rex is more of a scavenger than anything.
00:39:10.000 Oh, really?
00:39:11.000 Oh! 0.60
00:39:13.000 Yeah, and they even speculate that T-Rex might have had vulture-like coloring.
00:39:22.000 Because we don't have any idea what their coloring was, their true coloring.
00:39:25.000 We just kind of guess.
00:39:28.000 Look at some of the variation in lizards.
00:39:32.000 It's amazing.
00:39:33.000 One of your fans should swap together a video of the T-Rexes with different types of coloring to the song True Colors by Cyndi Lauper.
00:39:39.000 I see a tree.
00:39:41.000 We slow down jiu-jitsu.
00:39:42.000 Bye-bye. 0.99
00:39:45.000 I need to find out what these photos of this fucking T-Rex look like. 0.98
00:39:51.000 Because I'm pretty sure that they believe that T-Rex was a scavenger. 0.98
00:39:55.000 Tate just told me about some t-shirt that showed the T-Rex doing push-ups.
00:40:00.000 And it's just...
00:40:01.000 Yeah, no, it's a T-Rex.
00:40:03.000 It's on Facebook, he said.
00:40:04.000 It's like a photo that's going around.
00:40:06.000 The T-Rex's face, his nose is touching, but his arms can't touch the ground. 0.94
00:40:10.000 It's pretty ridiculous.
00:40:12.000 T-Rex scavenger look like that shirt. 0.62
00:40:15.000 While we're looking this up, why don't you take an opportunity to go get my new special, Passive Aggressive.
00:40:19.000 And where can they get it?
00:40:20.000 Can they get it at AriTheGreat.com?
00:40:22.000 Yeah, you can find the link there, the banner right at the top, or you can go straight to Chill.com slash Ari Shaffir.
00:40:26.000 Do you have AriShaffir.com as a website as well?
00:40:32.000 Uh-huh, yeah.
00:40:32.000 So you own that?
00:40:33.000 Does it transfer?
00:40:34.000 Yeah, same place.
00:40:36.000 Or vice versa.
00:40:36.000 Yeah, see, this is the new images of T-Rex.
00:40:41.000 They wanted him to be, they think he's more likely red.
00:40:44.000 Oh.
00:40:45.000 Like a vulture.
00:40:46.000 This is like some scientist speculation.
00:40:49.000 I saw it though.
00:40:51.000 Some scientists have speculated this, whether they're right or not.
00:40:55.000 Who's trying to find out new stuff about dinosaurs?
00:40:58.000 There's dudes that are obsessed with dinosaurs, man.
00:41:00.000 They're completely obsessed.
00:41:03.000 Do you think Jurassic Park is like their all-time boner movie?
00:41:06.000 Oh, yeah.
00:41:07.000 But, you know, the real issue with something like a Jurassic Park is that it seems like something we would do.
00:41:16.000 Oh, yeah.
00:41:17.000 It really does.
00:41:18.000 It seems like something we should do.
00:41:20.000 That would be amazing. 0.97
00:41:21.000 Well, the only reason why I say yes is because you ever see that Apache helicopter footage, the shit that they can do with those things now? 0.99
00:41:27.000 Uh-huh. 1.00
00:41:28.000 Dinosaurs would be fucked. 1.00
00:41:29.000 If we really wanted to go jack them, we'd just fly around. 1.00
00:41:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:41:33.000 We'd cut those bitches out of the sky like it was nothing. 1.00
00:41:36.000 Just make a few T-Rexes. 1.00
00:41:37.000 Cut their balls off from their babies. 1.00
00:41:40.000 Make a few so they can't breathe. 1.00
00:41:42.000 The electricity is not going to go off.
00:41:43.000 You end up getting four or five generators. 0.92
00:41:45.000 And even if it does, we just make a bomb and drop it on them. 0.83
00:41:48.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:41:48.000 With a glider. 0.99
00:41:49.000 People die every couple years, I'm sure.
00:41:52.000 Maybe.
00:41:53.000 More people die from hammers than guns, Ari. 0.88
00:41:55.000 Yeah, I've heard that.
00:41:56.000 Yeah, a lot more.
00:41:57.000 Hundreds more.
00:41:58.000 More people die from hammers than guns.
00:42:00.000 Hammers are a very effective way to kill people that are close to you.
00:42:03.000 If they're right there, if they're near you. 1.00
00:42:04.000 You can whack him with a hammer. 0.99
00:42:06.000 With the back side, too? 1.00
00:42:07.000 Whatever side. 1.00
00:42:08.000 You're gonna kill him. 1.00
00:42:09.000 I'm not trying to be polite. 1.00
00:42:10.000 I wouldn't use the claw. 0.86
00:42:11.000 If I was gonna kill you with a hammer, I'd just let you know right now, I would only use the flat part, because it seems like a gentlemanly thing to do. 0.87
00:42:17.000 How many of those do you think are people just trying to hit somebody over the head with a hammer to knock him out? 0.99
00:42:21.000 Most of them, my problem.
00:42:22.000 And then realize as soon as you hit, like, oh, skull crush.
00:42:25.000 Most murders are murders on purpose. 1.00
00:42:27.000 And I'm trying to kill you?
00:42:29.000 Half of them were done by MC Hammer. 0.98
00:42:31.000 You think so?
00:42:31.000 Do you guys think you could ever kill somebody?
00:42:34.000 What, could you? 0.63
00:42:35.000 Yeah.
00:42:36.000 Under certain circumstances.
00:42:38.000 What, do you don't think you could?
00:42:39.000 No, I think I could.
00:42:40.000 Of course you could.
00:42:40.000 Yeah.
00:42:41.000 I can see you totally doing it, Ari.
00:42:43.000 I think it's been pretty much proven that human beings can kill human beings under the right circumstances. 0.99
00:42:46.000 Ari's going to kill me. 1.00
00:42:47.000 Look at this. 0.96
00:42:48.000 Well, you know, and you should be able to.
00:42:50.000 You should be able to if you have to.
00:42:54.000 I mean, it's not something that you would want to do in life, but say if you were with a girl and all of a sudden some guy attacked the girl.
00:43:00.000 It was going to kill her. 0.98
00:43:03.000 Wouldn't you attack him and try to kill him? 1.00
00:43:05.000 You would just try to save your friend. 1.00
00:43:06.000 Or would you run away like a little girl and just piss all over your pants and scream and try to call the cops and not intervene?
00:43:11.000 It could be that could happen too. 1.00
00:43:13.000 But if a guy was trying to beat your girl up and you were absolutely sure you could kick his ass and you had a bat in your hand... 1.00
00:43:18.000 And you're like, you'll do something. 1.00
00:43:19.000 You would just club that guy over the head with a bat, right? 1.00
00:43:21.000 And if he died, you would have killed him. 1.00
00:43:24.000 So be it. 1.00
00:43:25.000 Yeah, right.
00:43:26.000 See? 1.00
00:43:26.000 You're very capable of killing a person. 1.00
00:43:28.000 Yeah, let's go kill somebody. 1.00
00:43:31.000 Where can we have the greatest game of all, Joe? 0.99
00:43:32.000 Well, the real problem, Ari, with killing people is that it's a power issue.
00:43:37.000 And the real power issue, it's not that logically you shouldn't kill some people.
00:43:41.000 The logical reason to kill people is the people that are doing something really awful to the human race, whether it's pedophilia, whether it's murder, whether it's, you know, fill in the blank with whatever horrific human crime against humanity.
00:43:58.000 Those people... 0.82
00:44:00.000 There's a very good argument for removing them from society.
00:44:03.000 Yeah.
00:44:03.000 But then the problem becomes, like, who gets to choose, and that's where eugenics comes from.
00:44:05.000 What about you kill just for jealousy? 0.94
00:44:07.000 Oh, yeah. 0.94
00:44:08.000 Well, you know, people kill for a lot of reasons.
00:44:10.000 They kill for robberies.
00:44:11.000 They kill for a lot of reasons.
00:44:12.000 Yeah.
00:44:13.000 I knew a dude who killed a guy for money.
00:44:18.000 Do you think you'd kill somebody if they were just going to find out you were doing something, and by them living, you were going to have to go to jail for 20 years?
00:44:24.000 Yeah.
00:44:24.000 Whoa.
00:44:25.000 You know, you probably shouldn't have done whatever the fuck would put you in jail. 0.99
00:44:28.000 I know, definitely shouldn't have, but here we are. 0.99
00:44:30.000 Depends on what kind of a person he is. 0.99
00:44:32.000 He looked kind of like a little bit chubby, kind of looked like he had a snarky face, undercover cunt. 1.00
00:44:37.000 Oh, kill him. 1.00
00:44:38.000 Kill him with a rock. 1.00
00:44:41.000 But he didn't do anything wrong, but he just looks like someone you wouldn't like. 1.00
00:44:44.000 He's a rat. 1.00
00:44:45.000 Let him drown. 1.00
00:44:47.000 A rat gets with a rat. 0.90
00:44:48.000 What is that saying?
00:44:49.000 I don't know.
00:44:50.000 Snitch.
00:44:51.000 Was it Donnie Brasco? 1.00
00:44:52.000 Fuck, I don't remember. 1.00
00:44:52.000 I don't remember. 1.00
00:44:53.000 Snitches get their bitches. 1.00
00:44:56.000 Snitches get their bitches? 1.00
00:44:57.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00
00:44:59.000 No, Brian.
00:45:00.000 That's not...
00:45:01.000 You're just talking.
00:45:02.000 That's a gang of people who snitch.
00:45:03.000 You're just talking.
00:45:04.000 That's their greatest weapon is snitching.
00:45:05.000 Are you going to be like this when you're 55?
00:45:07.000 I'm really curious to see what the evolution is.
00:45:08.000 I chose the soul that I... You chose this life.
00:45:16.000 You chose this position.
00:45:16.000 I think when you're 55, you're going to act like a 30-year-old.
00:45:19.000 You think he's going to move up to 30 that quickly?
00:45:23.000 Think about his normal time life.
00:45:25.000 17 years.
00:45:26.000 Yeah, but if you looked at it all and did it in dog years, he's about 8. Really, you just have a slow-moving progeria.
00:45:35.000 That's what you've got.
00:45:37.000 Just really slow acting.
00:45:38.000 Your body's withered away while your insides are still 14. Well, no.
00:45:42.000 He's 38 and looks like he's 25. He looks pretty young.
00:45:46.000 I mean, he's 38 years old.
00:45:48.000 Look at his face.
00:45:48.000 He's fairly young looking.
00:45:50.000 I don't know what people look like.
00:45:51.000 He does.
00:45:52.000 He looks young.
00:45:53.000 He looks very good for 25 years old.
00:45:56.000 Puffy.
00:45:56.000 Puffy.
00:45:57.000 Yeah.
00:45:58.000 Slept on cat hair last night. 1.00
00:45:59.000 If the kid got in shape, he'd be handsome as fuck. 0.99
00:46:02.000 He's got good genes as far as keeping his face together. 0.99
00:46:05.000 Yeah, it's not bad.
00:46:06.000 Look good with a beard.
00:46:07.000 But the reality is he's emotionally eight years old.
00:46:12.000 But it works.
00:46:14.000 It works, you know?
00:46:15.000 I mean, like, who's to say how you should live this life? 0.98
00:46:17.000 It's fucking temporary. 0.98
00:46:18.000 I'll do it. 0.99
00:46:19.000 It's temporary, aren't you?
00:46:20.000 Oh, you should be the one.
00:46:21.000 Yeah, if you were wondering.
00:46:23.000 I'm totally down.
00:46:24.000 We should start with you.
00:46:25.000 Love that.
00:46:26.000 We should start with you and examine your behavior at the TSA. Oh, yeah.
00:46:30.000 All right.
00:46:31.000 I heard that you won't take off your shoes now, which is something that you never did with me that I remember.
00:46:36.000 Is it something new?
00:46:36.000 Nope.
00:46:36.000 I didn't think of it.
00:46:37.000 I've been set free by my association with other people.
00:46:39.000 What happens?
00:46:40.000 What are you doing now?
00:46:41.000 Your association with other people?
00:46:42.000 Not Brendan.
00:46:43.000 Brent Weinbach.
00:46:44.000 He's such a germaphobe.
00:46:45.000 He can't take off his shoes.
00:46:47.000 Right.
00:46:47.000 And I flew with him to San Francisco.
00:46:49.000 I was like, how do you not do it?
00:46:50.000 He goes, I have a medical condition.
00:46:52.000 What's your medical condition?
00:46:53.000 He goes, if they ask, I just say something in Latin.
00:46:57.000 I just say a couple Latin syllables and they say fine.
00:47:00.000 But they're not supposed to ask.
00:47:01.000 I was like, and then you don't have to take your shoes off?
00:47:02.000 He goes, no, they just have to like swab it a little bit and then um...
00:47:05.000 And then he goes, I like them patting me down, too.
00:47:08.000 I like the way it feels like a hug.
00:47:10.000 That's what Brent Weinbach says. 1.00
00:47:11.000 You're a creepy son of a bitch, Ari. 1.00
00:47:13.000 That's what Brent Weinbach says. 1.00
00:47:15.000 Ari didn't say that.
00:47:16.000 He said the other guy.
00:47:16.000 Yeah, but that's why he's doing it.
00:47:18.000 Because he wants a little hug.
00:47:20.000 No, no.
00:47:20.000 What he wants to do, he wants an opportunity to complain.
00:47:23.000 And he gets super shitty with these people. 0.97
00:47:25.000 Yeah. 0.79
00:47:25.000 So he got super shitty with the one guy in L.A., but that guy was pretty easy going. 0.79
00:47:30.000 But then he gets super shitty. 0.92
00:47:31.000 Depends what they ask me. 0.94
00:47:32.000 I say, I can't do it.
00:47:33.000 Medical condition.
00:47:34.000 Okay, go this way.
00:47:35.000 Okay.
00:47:35.000 If they say, are you opting out?
00:47:37.000 I don't know what that means.
00:47:38.000 And I say, do you not want that?
00:47:40.000 Or do you want to pat down?
00:47:40.000 I go, no, I don't want to pat down.
00:47:42.000 But I'm not doing that thing.
00:47:43.000 So what are my options?
00:47:44.000 Are you just trying to be Larry David?
00:47:45.000 No, I'm just trying to not let them take away these freedoms from me without going down with a little bit of a fight.
00:47:51.000 I see what they're doing.
00:47:52.000 They're just harassing us.
00:47:53.000 And I don't want to just let them do it.
00:47:55.000 They're not harassing us.
00:47:56.000 But we can hold on.
00:47:57.000 We can go back to what the fun I was doing.
00:48:01.000 It all originates from this.
00:48:03.000 It originates from this opinion that you have, that they're harassing you.
00:48:08.000 Yeah, they're just bothering everyone.
00:48:09.000 It's just some giant bureaucracy.
00:48:11.000 They don't run efficiently in any way.
00:48:14.000 But they've had a lot of issues with planes and terrorism.
00:48:17.000 I mean, they really have. 1.00
00:48:18.000 There really was an asshole who tried to light a shoe on fire. 1.00
00:48:22.000 There really was. 1.00
00:48:23.000 The asshole who got through TSA? Yeah. 1.00
00:48:25.000 And the shoe bomber who got through TSA? Yeah, that's why they started taking your shoes off to x-ray.
00:48:29.000 Who have they caught?
00:48:30.000 I don't know if they've caught anybody.
00:48:32.000 But it's in the range of zero people.
00:48:34.000 Do you know if they've caught anybody?
00:48:34.000 No, they haven't.
00:48:35.000 They show all these weapons they've confiscated and stuff, knives and such.
00:48:39.000 That's just, I got one confiscated from me before.
00:48:41.000 It's not like keychain, you forget about it.
00:48:43.000 That's what they confiscate.
00:48:45.000 Are you sure about this?
00:48:47.000 Yeah, that's what the studies show.
00:48:47.000 Have you researched this?
00:48:48.000 Yeah, they caught somebody as much as I can.
00:48:50.000 They caught somebody recently that I remembered that had a whole plot to take down a plane and stuff like that.
00:48:57.000 Intelligence probably stops them.
00:48:59.000 Yeah, I think that's – you're confusing the FBI and the CIA. What TSA does.
00:49:04.000 The CIA is Central Intelligence Agency. 0.95
00:49:06.000 They're just a large, crooked organization. 1.00
00:49:08.000 They're supposed to deal with foreign shit, right? 1.00
00:49:10.000 And the FBI is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. 1.00
00:49:13.000 Is that how it works?
00:49:13.000 I don't know.
00:49:14.000 But Ari, don't you think maybe just like, hey, I'll just take off my shoes and walk through this machine and go like this and that's cool.
00:49:19.000 I'm done. 0.99
00:49:20.000 And instead of having to deal with it and just be an asshole to somebody that's just doing their job. 0.99
00:49:24.000 Absolutely. 0.99
00:49:24.000 Well, hold on. 0.99
00:49:25.000 Let me get back to someone who's just doing their job.
00:49:28.000 But yes, it would be way easier to take off my shoes and go through it and be quiet.
00:49:32.000 But I saw it one day.
00:49:33.000 I was on a pot cookie, obviously.
00:49:34.000 And I was looking at them.
00:49:35.000 I had like an hour until my plane took off and I was looking at them just stopping everyone and each and every person having to go through that scanner.
00:49:41.000 The old scanner, we had to raise your hand.
00:49:43.000 And now, again, the new scanner, you have to raise your hand.
00:49:45.000 It looks like they're conditioning us.
00:49:47.000 They're putting in these checkpoints.
00:49:49.000 Who are they, Ari?
00:49:49.000 Who are they?
00:49:50.000 The United States government. 0.99
00:49:52.000 If they found a guy with his fucking shoe with a bomb packed in his shoe and that guy could have been on your plane, if they don't check, When someone goes in with a bomb in their fucking shoe and blows you out of the sky, then what? 0.99
00:50:05.000 Do you not think that there's a deterrent for bringing aboard bombs and bringing aboard really dangerous shit that could take down a plane by checking people's bags? 0.99
00:50:16.000 And you're not allowed to say you walk on that plane going everywhere. 0.98
00:50:19.000 It's an absolute deterrent.
00:50:21.000 It's an absolute deterrent, but that doesn't excuse that this is not the right way to deter it.
00:50:26.000 Okay, how do you think that they should check your bag?
00:50:28.000 I think they should...
00:50:30.000 Yeah, maybe.
00:50:31.000 I don't know.
00:50:32.000 I have no idea.
00:50:32.000 But I will tell you this, that I have read this, that those things don't even check for those types of explosives.
00:50:38.000 The x-rays.
00:50:39.000 Yes, they do.
00:50:40.000 The x-rays.
00:50:41.000 Yes, they do.
00:50:41.000 X-rays test for plastic explosives.
00:50:44.000 C4, it's got a very unique way it looks.
00:50:47.000 It looks like a big brick of clay.
00:50:49.000 And if you have C4, if you have anything that looks remotely like that, they do a secondary check.
00:50:54.000 You know, for you to say there's no reason— No, no, there is a reason.
00:50:58.000 There is a deterrent.
00:50:59.000 I just don't think they're organized in any way, and I don't like what they're doing.
00:51:02.000 You know why?
00:51:02.000 Because they're people.
00:51:04.000 What this is— There's 65,000 corrupt people. 0.99
00:51:08.000 Corruptible people.
00:51:09.000 Corruptible, but they're also just people that are there for a job that exists because there's a need. 1.00
00:51:15.000 And the need is to make sure that people don't go on planes with fucking bombs because people are crazy assholes and a lot of people are willing to do something like that and blow themselves up and kill a bunch of people because it's terrorism and because it scares the fuck out of people and because it has a lot of value politically, 0.99
00:51:31.000 obviously. 1.00
00:51:32.000 With us.
00:51:33.000 A lot of value to blow people out of the sky.
00:51:35.000 You want to prove your point.
00:51:37.000 I don't think we shouldn't check for them. 1.00
00:51:39.000 Well, then you have to be checked, motherfucker. 0.99
00:51:40.000 But I don't think we have to give up our civil liberties in order to stop what may happen. 1.00
00:51:46.000 Ari, you're not giving up your civil liberties.
00:51:47.000 Weren't they able to do this beforehand?
00:51:48.000 You're getting checked.
00:51:49.000 You're making sure that you're... 0.95
00:51:51.000 Yeah, when they were able to do it before then, and then they found out and did it and did some shit, blew some people up, and they said, okay, we have to stop that now. 0.94
00:52:00.000 Let's be a little more stringent. 0.90
00:52:01.000 Who blew some people up? 0.99
00:52:02.000 The people who were in 9-11 who flew fucking planes to their towers. 1.00
00:52:06.000 Hijackers. 1.00
00:52:06.000 Yeah, they hijacked the plane. 1.00
00:52:07.000 They didn't blow it up, but they hijacked the plane.
00:52:08.000 Absolutely. 0.99
00:52:09.000 Okay, one of them blew up, but they think that I was actually the United States government that blew that fucker from the sky. 0.98
00:52:13.000 Flight 93. They said it went down. 0.98
00:52:15.000 Yeah, well, actually, Rumsfeld said it was shut.
00:52:18.000 Was Rumsfeld, or one of them said it was shut?
00:52:20.000 I believe it was Rumsfeld who said he was shot from the sky and then corrected himself.
00:52:24.000 They just went down.
00:52:24.000 Yeah.
00:52:25.000 They shot that fucking thing down. 1.00
00:52:27.000 They even had eyewitnesses who saw a military jet scrambling after that plane. 1.00
00:52:32.000 Have you seen them fucking harass people in wheelchairs? 0.98
00:52:35.000 Yeah, you know why, Ari? 1.00
00:52:36.000 Have you seen them fucking steal shit left and right? 1.00
00:52:39.000 Because they are just people. 1.00
00:52:40.000 And you get a wide variety with people.
00:52:44.000 You get competent people and you get incompetent people.
00:52:46.000 Untrained.
00:52:46.000 They're not trained well.
00:52:47.000 For them to be in charge of you?
00:52:49.000 I agree.
00:52:50.000 You can't say that's a blanket statement.
00:52:51.000 They make $12.50 to $14.50 an hour.
00:52:54.000 There's no training process for them.
00:52:56.000 It's so small.
00:52:57.000 That's not like a cop.
00:52:59.000 I've researched it a little bit. 0.97
00:53:01.000 I agree that a lot of them could be goofy. 0.56
00:53:03.000 They don't have any firearm training.
00:53:04.000 There's nothing they do like a police officer does.
00:53:06.000 They don't really know what the code is.
00:53:09.000 They never let them agree at all.
00:53:10.000 Yeah.
00:53:11.000 Well, you know why?
00:53:12.000 Because there's no money in it.
00:53:12.000 They're just people.
00:53:13.000 And here's why.
00:53:14.000 It's a giant bureaucracy.
00:53:15.000 And at this point, they cannot pare it down.
00:53:17.000 They cannot make it more efficient. 1.00
00:53:19.000 Yeah, but being an asshole to somebody that's working... 1.00
00:53:23.000 Asshole to someone who's running checkpoints on other people. 1.00
00:53:26.000 Yeah, but that's his job. 0.97
00:53:27.000 If you don't like it, you don't attack the employees.
00:53:31.000 Yes, you do.
00:53:32.000 Here's why.
00:53:33.000 Just because someone's paying you to do something does not excuse that behavior.
00:53:36.000 Good or bad, this case or another case.
00:53:38.000 But someone paying you to do something is not an excuse for behavior.
00:53:43.000 No matter what it is.
00:53:44.000 I think we're dealing with some Holocaust share here. 0.85
00:53:46.000 Yeah.
00:53:46.000 I mean, you don't want to jump straight to that, but let's just say it was something else.
00:53:51.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:53:51.000 It looks exactly like that.
00:53:53.000 Why are we raising our hands? 0.99
00:53:55.000 Why are we taking shit off? 0.99
00:53:57.000 Because they're checking you for bombs. 1.00
00:53:59.000 For underwear bombs again. 0.99
00:54:01.000 Nice weapons.
00:54:01.000 They're checking you for things that you could use.
00:54:03.000 That's what the fucking radar thing is for, or whatever it's called, the x-ray thing. 0.99
00:54:07.000 That's why they're checking you. 0.99
00:54:08.000 What are you talking about?
00:54:11.000 When you're going through a screen.
00:54:13.000 What about the x-rays that they used to use and they sometimes use now?
00:54:16.000 What used to use?
00:54:17.000 What x-rays?
00:54:18.000 The x-rays.
00:54:19.000 The box, the same thing you're talking about?
00:54:21.000 Well, those have more radiation.
00:54:23.000 No, no, but what happened?
00:54:25.000 They still use them sometimes.
00:54:26.000 They started using this other thing because it's a visual imagery.
00:54:29.000 It works better.
00:54:29.000 You can actually see where the problem issue is.
00:54:31.000 If someone's wearing a vest or something like that, and the vest isn't metal, and you go through a metal detector...
00:54:37.000 Wait, hold on.
00:54:38.000 What?
00:54:38.000 If the vest isn't metal...
00:54:40.000 Look, my watch doesn't go off in metal detectors.
00:54:42.000 Yeah.
00:54:42.000 Okay?
00:54:43.000 Look at it all.
00:54:44.000 It's metal.
00:54:45.000 Go right through metal detectors.
00:54:46.000 It's not a weapon.
00:54:47.000 Ari, it's metal. 1.00
00:54:48.000 A fucking bomb and a switch isn't a weapon either. 1.00
00:54:51.000 But if you have a bomb and a switch on... 0.99
00:54:53.000 You likely, it would be easier for you to go through a metal detector than it would to go through one of those scanner things.
00:55:00.000 When you're holding your hands up, they can see if you have gum wrappers in your pocket, okay?
00:55:04.000 It's no joke.
00:55:05.000 Those machines are incredible.
00:55:07.000 Yeah.
00:55:07.000 I had a dime, and it told me, he's like, do you have something in your right pocket?
00:55:11.000 I'm like, no.
00:55:11.000 And I'm like, oh, yeah, there's a little dime in there.
00:55:14.000 I had pills in my pocket once, and they said, what's in your pocket?
00:55:17.000 And I was like, something, and they said, take it out.
00:55:18.000 And I was like, no. 0.99
00:55:19.000 Well, you're supposed to take it out so they know that you don't have anything that could blow up a fucking plane. 0.99
00:55:23.000 I had pills in my pocket. 1.00
00:55:24.000 I had fucking boner pills in my pocket. 0.99
00:55:26.000 I didn't feel like taking them out in front of everyone at the airport. 1.00
00:55:28.000 You know that's what you had in your pocket.
00:55:32.000 What if you had a stick of C4? And what if you sat near a fucking exit door and blew your fucking brains out and punched a hole in the plane and the plane goes down? 1.00
00:55:40.000 I understand that, but that's not what's happening. 1.00
00:55:41.000 They're not catching anyone doing those things.
00:55:42.000 I don't know that, and I don't think you know that either.
00:55:44.000 They're not catching anyone doing those things.
00:55:46.000 Well, here's the deal.
00:55:48.000 Citing national security concerns, the TSA will not point to any specific cases in which a screener stopped a would-be terrorist at a checkpoint.
00:55:56.000 You know, they don't need to check us for the liquids anymore.
00:55:58.000 You can just Pretty much carry through water.
00:56:01.000 Why do you say that?
00:56:02.000 Because I think either their detector thing, the belt either recognizes it, they have the technology to do that, or they no longer think that's a threat in any way.
00:56:11.000 I don't think...
00:56:12.000 As of three years ago.
00:56:13.000 I think unless they're using some other equipment, I don't see how you could see...
00:56:17.000 I don't know either, but they can do it.
00:56:19.000 The old guy who ran the TSA said that.
00:56:21.000 But because it's hard to...
00:56:23.000 The guy who used to be the head of the TSA said it.
00:56:26.000 Are you going to completely discount what he said?
00:56:28.000 Well, I didn't know what you were talking about.
00:56:29.000 You said the old guy who ran the TSA. I thought you were talking about somebody you met.
00:56:32.000 I didn't know you met the guy who ran the TSA. The head of the TSA said that.
00:56:35.000 Three years ago.
00:56:36.000 What was the exact quote?
00:56:38.000 I don't have the exact quote in my head.
00:56:39.000 What is the exact statement?
00:56:41.000 Is he saying that you can detect the thing when they send your bag through, they can detect explosive liquids?
00:56:48.000 Either there or in the other one.
00:56:50.000 And so we don't need that anymore.
00:56:52.000 If it's a visual thing, it seems like...
00:56:53.000 But he goes, it's really too much work to change it, so no one's bothered to change it.
00:56:58.000 Because it's such a big corporation of 65,000 employees, this army has, that they just won't change it.
00:57:08.000 Right.
00:57:10.000 So again, we can't do stuff.
00:57:12.000 And the excuses are like, well, if you don't like it, don't fly.
00:57:15.000 Or you make some statement like, well, you know, planes are flying out of the sky.
00:57:20.000 They're blowing up planes left and right.
00:57:21.000 You don't want planes being blown up, do you?
00:57:23.000 So if you're in favor of any sort of, like, these guys are taking it too far, then you're in favor of planes blowing up, which is not the case.
00:57:32.000 Yeah, but they actually have busted people, it turns out.
00:57:34.000 They busted a guy named Kevin Brown, a U.S. Army veteran who was trying to check luggage containing pipe bombs. 0.99
00:57:44.000 This crazy motherfucker had pipe bomb-making materials in his luggage. 0.99
00:57:48.000 He was trying to put together a pipe bomb. 1.00
00:57:51.000 That was recent, right?
00:57:53.000 Yeah.
00:57:54.000 He was trying to check it?
00:57:56.000 Yeah, he was checking a pipe bomb. 0.99
00:57:59.000 I mean, imagine if they didn't have that security, though, especially with all the recent school shootings and shit like that. 0.97
00:58:04.000 It seems like if they got rid of it, it would just open up. 0.94
00:58:09.000 Yeah, don't get rid of it.
00:58:10.000 You've got to definitely go back to the old way, and you've definitely got to lock the cockpit door and tell them not to open it for any reasons.
00:58:15.000 What's the old way? 0.83
00:58:15.000 What is the issue? 0.83
00:58:16.000 Well, what did we do in 2000?
00:58:19.000 What did we do there for security?
00:58:21.000 Well, whatever they did, it didn't work to detect box cutters. 0.81
00:58:24.000 Yeah.
00:58:24.000 So we should figure out what they're doing now that's different and then figure out if you really want to criticize it.
00:58:29.000 What it is is it's a checkpoint.
00:58:32.000 Not checking people for bombs and for things that are going to try to kill people on a plane and take down a plane.
00:58:37.000 That's fine.
00:58:38.000 Box cutters, but they've proven over again, you can get those on now.
00:58:42.000 You can still get those on.
00:58:44.000 Over and over again, they've proven that.
00:58:45.000 Okay, someone's incompetent, but that's not the fault of the people that have arranged this system.
00:58:50.000 I'm saying it doesn't really work for what would have happened.
00:58:52.000 What would have worked is just lock the cockpit door.
00:58:54.000 Right.
00:58:54.000 And they do that now.
00:58:56.000 Yeah.
00:58:57.000 That's a new thing they've learned.
00:58:58.000 Yeah.
00:58:58.000 For the most part, that's problem solved.
00:58:59.000 That solved 9-11, the way they did it there. 0.98
00:59:02.000 So you agree that they have to check your bags to make sure you don't have bombs?
00:59:06.000 Yeah, check something.
00:59:08.000 Okay, so what do you have a problem with specifically that you get so riled up?
00:59:11.000 That it's a 65,000 person army that has control over us.
00:59:15.000 That can tell you, come with me, open up that, let everyone look at you.
00:59:19.000 They can push people that have no legs.
00:59:24.000 They can embarrass old ladies. 1.00
00:59:27.000 And we have to do what they say.
00:59:29.000 They can steal our belongings.
00:59:30.000 And we have to do what they say.
00:59:31.000 And there's just an untrained, random dudes that are doing that.
00:59:35.000 That are making us raise our hand like we're under arrest.
00:59:38.000 And I just don't like it.
00:59:39.000 I don't like it.
00:59:40.000 It's just gross.
00:59:41.000 The whole thing is gross.
00:59:41.000 No one likes it.
00:59:43.000 No one goes there and goes, thank God these guys are doing their job.
00:59:45.000 We reacted under a time of intense, intense emotion.
00:59:49.000 But we didn't really have time to think it out.
00:59:51.000 And now we already have all these things in place and we can't rethink what the TSA is.
00:59:55.000 Wasn't there checks before?
00:59:57.000 Yeah.
00:59:58.000 They used to check your luggage.
00:59:59.000 Go through a radar detector.
00:59:59.000 Yeah.
01:00:00.000 Yeah.
01:00:00.000 Or whatever it's called.
01:00:01.000 Not radar detector.
01:00:02.000 X-ray.
01:00:02.000 Yeah.
01:00:03.000 They've always checked it.
01:00:04.000 Yeah.
01:00:04.000 So what specifically is the issue?
01:00:06.000 The pat-downs, the… But they only pat down if you opt out.
01:00:10.000 I don't get patted down.
01:00:11.000 Yeah.
01:00:11.000 I've never had a problem with anything.
01:00:12.000 I fly right through the security.
01:00:14.000 I'm in and out and gone. 0.96
01:00:16.000 It's like why even bother… Making that harder or more, like, especially if you have some weed on you or something ridiculous. 0.62
01:00:22.000 Hey, hey, easy. 0.82
01:00:23.000 I mean, fake weed. 1.00
01:00:24.000 What the fuck are you doing flying with weed? 0.99
01:00:26.000 I'm talking about tobacco. 1.00
01:00:27.000 They're just a bunch of people you put up with, like the authorities.
01:00:30.000 Yes, but I think that's the issue whenever you have people that are in any sort of position.
01:00:35.000 It becomes a job.
01:00:36.000 Whatever it is, it needs to be done.
01:00:37.000 You've got to guard because aliens are coming in. 0.99
01:00:40.000 There's a fucking spot where the aliens land. 1.00
01:00:44.000 You've got to be ready. 1.00
01:00:45.000 You've got to have guys there ready to guard it. 1.00
01:00:46.000 Well, those guys are going to fuck off. 1.00
01:00:48.000 They're guys. 1.00
01:00:49.000 They're normal people.
01:00:50.000 No matter what you do, you're always going to have people that poorly implement whatever strategy you have.
01:00:56.000 So you think they're great, the TSA? You think 100%?
01:00:59.000 That doesn't mean I think they're great.
01:01:00.000 You're not a child.
01:01:01.000 You know what I'm saying.
01:01:01.000 No, I know.
01:01:01.000 So I'm saying, so what do you think is their problem?
01:01:03.000 Why would you say that?
01:01:04.000 You think they're great?
01:01:04.000 I wouldn't say that.
01:01:05.000 No, I know.
01:01:05.000 You're enforcing your opinion.
01:01:07.000 You're enforcing your opinion by exaggerating mine.
01:01:09.000 No, because I want you to tell me what you think the problems are with TSA. Okay, the problems are with TSA the same problems they are with any system where people get in any position of power over people.
01:01:18.000 They automatically act like douchebags.
01:01:20.000 It's the same as security guards. 0.93
01:01:21.000 I mean, it's the same as bouncers at clubs.
01:01:23.000 It's the same as some cops.
01:01:25.000 It's a difficult thing to have that kind of power over people and not abuse it and not be cunty about it. 0.85
01:01:30.000 Remember when we got to the airport and there was this one guy who was being just really attention whorey?
01:01:35.000 Attention ladies and gentlemen, please get your...
01:01:38.000 He was like, don't do this big speech.
01:01:40.000 Everybody got annoyed by him.
01:01:41.000 And then I would like one more request.
01:01:43.000 Everybody please smile. 1.00
01:01:45.000 Like, you fucking weirdo. 1.00
01:01:48.000 You just put on a show, you fuckhead. 1.00
01:01:50.000 He was like a street performer or something. 1.00
01:01:52.000 I mean, that's what it was doing.
01:01:53.000 He decided this is what he does.
01:01:55.000 Because everybody has to listen.
01:01:57.000 Because he's the man with the power, the TSA guy.
01:01:59.000 But that's just one douchey guy.
01:02:02.000 I've met a million people that do it that are friendly as hell.
01:02:04.000 You're like, did you have a good time?
01:02:05.000 Yeah, it was great, great.
01:02:06.000 Enjoy Chicago?
01:02:07.000 Chicago is awesome.
01:02:08.000 Boom, you're in, you're out, everything's fine.
01:02:11.000 We're just interacting with some people that are doing their job.
01:02:13.000 And I personally find I've never had a problem.
01:02:17.000 They've always been pleasant to me.
01:02:19.000 No one's ever got douchey with me.
01:02:22.000 If I accidentally have my belt on, I say, I'm sorry, and I take the belt off and I put it in the thing.
01:02:26.000 You know what I mean?
01:02:27.000 It's simple.
01:02:28.000 It's not prostrating.
01:02:29.000 It's just being nice to people while you're doing their gig.
01:02:32.000 Their gig doesn't bother me, okay?
01:02:34.000 I'm not flying with any bombs.
01:02:38.000 I'm not flying with any guns.
01:02:39.000 So I'm not worried about them checking my underwear, okay?
01:02:42.000 My bag's pretty simple.
01:02:44.000 Go ahead and look in there.
01:02:45.000 There's some toothbrush, some toothpaste.
01:02:47.000 There's nothing to worry about, you know?
01:02:49.000 So as long as there's nothing to worry about, you sail right through.
01:02:52.000 Do I think that is this ideal?
01:02:55.000 Yeah, but under that logic, they could tap your phone if you're law-abiding.
01:02:58.000 No, that is not the same logic.
01:03:00.000 Jesus Christ, looking at your underwear?
01:03:02.000 Because tapping your phone, listen to intimate conversations, find out aspects of your life that you wouldn't want revealed, find out where you live, what you're doing, what your plans are.
01:03:13.000 That's not the same thing as checking for a bomb.
01:03:15.000 But under those circumstances, it sort of is.
01:03:17.000 Just looking at intimate parts of your life and they can look through your stuff.
01:03:21.000 They're looking at clothes.
01:03:21.000 I mean, unless you've got a bag of dildos, which, by the way, Stanhope did.
01:03:25.000 What if you're in the closet and you have a gay porn in there? 1.00
01:03:27.000 He actually, on purpose, brought a bag of fucking, after September 11th, he had a whole suitcase filled with rubber fists and rubber vaginas and fists and dicks and just everything. 1.00
01:03:39.000 And he just sent it through the x-ray so that they had to open it up and check it. 0.99
01:03:44.000 He's like, yeah, yeah, that's my stuff.
01:03:46.000 Ari, if you go to the Burbank airport...
01:03:48.000 I'd say he turned one of them on.
01:03:49.000 Did he?
01:03:50.000 Something like that, so they had to find which one it was.
01:03:52.000 Oh, what it was...
01:03:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:55.000 If you go to the Burbank airport, almost...
01:03:57.000 Every single person that works there, the staff, the people that check you, I've never had one problem. 0.99
01:04:03.000 Those are the most friendliest motherfuckers ever. 0.98
01:04:06.000 Just doing their job. 1.00
01:04:07.000 Aren't you scared from being such an asshole, I guess, is what you would call it, to these people, to get on some kind of no-fly list Especially since you're a comic. 0.99
01:04:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:04:18.000 That's definitely a fear. 1.00
01:04:19.000 Isn't it easier?
01:04:20.000 And here's where that fear comes.
01:04:22.000 From them holding over you that if you cause too much trouble for us, we're going to threaten you to fear that you will no longer be allowed to fly.
01:04:29.000 That's a real thought that people have.
01:04:31.000 Right.
01:04:31.000 You're not the first one.
01:04:32.000 Right.
01:04:32.000 To stop terrorism, they are – to help them stop terrorism would be someone – put someone like me.
01:04:38.000 Or someone who mouths off too much on a no-fly list.
01:04:41.000 That would help us stop terrorism.
01:04:44.000 To make people live in fear.
01:04:46.000 But they might decide that you make things very uncomfortable and unpleasant for a lot of people around you as well when you're at the airport.
01:04:53.000 Because you're yelling out.
01:04:55.000 A lot of people are scared to say it on podcasts too or anything like that.
01:04:59.000 Just for the sake of being careful.
01:05:03.000 That's a real thought people have.
01:05:05.000 They can just do this to you. 0.99
01:05:06.000 They can grab your ability to fly in the dark like a fucking gulag and just take you out of there. 0.99
01:05:13.000 Alright, my friend is so scared to fly that she has to take so much drugs just to calm her heart rate down. 0.99
01:05:19.000 Just enough so she can even be there.
01:05:22.000 If you start being intense to her, she will freak out.
01:05:25.000 You know, if you were to be intense around her, she might go crazy.
01:05:29.000 Well, if she was scared of the dentist and I was intense at the dentist, it would be the same thing.
01:05:32.000 Yeah.
01:05:32.000 Yeah, she's not my responsibility.
01:05:34.000 If you're a weak bitch. 1.00
01:05:36.000 Yeah, but flying's a big deal for a lot of people. 1.00
01:05:38.000 I mean, my mom's scared to fly. 1.00
01:05:39.000 I know a lot of people are scared to fly.
01:05:41.000 Bert Kreischer gets blackout drunk before he flies.
01:05:43.000 I think Bert Kreischer would blackout drunk because you made him go to the movies.
01:05:46.000 I gotta go to the movies? 1.00
01:05:47.000 Oh, it's time to get fucked up. 1.00
01:05:49.000 Well, he's also scared of balloons, Joe. 1.00
01:05:51.000 Oh, you got a fucking balloon? 1.00
01:05:53.000 Jesus Christ, where's the booze? 1.00
01:05:57.000 Yeah, Bert Kreiss is using that shit, and it's an excuse. 1.00
01:06:00.000 He's away from his wife and kids. 1.00
01:06:01.000 He's got no responsibility.
01:06:02.000 He's gonna get hammered on a plane.
01:06:04.000 There's nothing wrong with that, Bert.
01:06:05.000 Just fess up. 1.00
01:06:07.000 Fess up with your anxiety ridden.
01:06:10.000 Here's the deal.
01:06:11.000 I don't mind taking the shoes off.
01:06:12.000 It's not that.
01:06:13.000 It's just their being there.
01:06:14.000 I don't like it.
01:06:16.000 You know what?
01:06:16.000 I think they're necessary.
01:06:18.000 I think at this point in our reality, I wish they weren't necessary.
01:06:21.000 I wish I didn't have to believe, and I'm not necessarily saying that It has to be run the way it's run.
01:06:28.000 I don't think it's efficient, but I don't think that anything's efficient.
01:06:31.000 You know what else isn't efficient?
01:06:33.000 The DMV. Do you go to the DMV when you go to get your fucking license and start screaming, We didn't ask for this! 1.00
01:06:38.000 I want a fucking car! 1.00
01:06:39.000 I don't want to deal with your bullshit! 1.00
01:06:41.000 It's a corrupt organization! 1.00
01:06:42.000 But I can renew my license online.
01:06:43.000 I don't have to come in contact with them.
01:06:45.000 Can you really?
01:06:46.000 Yeah.
01:06:47.000 You can renew it online now?
01:06:48.000 Yeah, why not?
01:06:49.000 Yeah, they can't go in there and take a photo or anything.
01:06:50.000 That's beautiful.
01:06:51.000 Well, you know, there's a thing you could do at the TSA where you get pre-approved.
01:06:55.000 And when you get pre-approved, you don't even take your shoes off.
01:06:57.000 Yeah.
01:06:57.000 You just go right through.
01:06:58.000 Because you fly a lot, they assume you wouldn't be a person.
01:07:00.000 Well, no, they do a check on you. 1.00
01:07:01.000 They do a check to make sure you're not some fucking psycho. 1.00
01:07:04.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:07:05.000 Make sure you never got arrested at the airport for harassing the TSA. I thought you were going to get arrested.
01:07:10.000 Why would I be arrested?
01:07:12.000 While Ari was yelling at them because you were yelling at people. 1.00
01:07:13.000 Is that illegal? 1.00
01:07:15.000 Swearing at them, calling them fucking idiots? 1.00
01:07:17.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:07:17.000 Yeah, he was calling them fucking idiots. 1.00
01:07:19.000 Why is that illegal? 1.00
01:07:21.000 Though he did threaten to bring over the cops on me. 1.00
01:07:24.000 When I said that, the TSA, the trained authority over me, said, I'll bring over a metropolitan police officer if I say, you're an idiot. 1.00
01:07:32.000 The TSA doesn't actually arrest you. 1.00
01:07:34.000 The other people arrest you. 0.51
01:07:36.000 What they're worried about is that you were being aggressive, and they thought that you could have been a crazy person. 0.90
01:07:40.000 Disordinary conduct, man. 0.85
01:07:41.000 They drove me crazy.
01:07:43.000 Right, but the way you reacted to it is like...
01:07:46.000 Don't you think that's weird though that everyone's a little scared of...
01:07:48.000 No, I'm not scared of them.
01:07:50.000 Don't you think that's a little weird that everyone's scared of being put in this no-fly zone?
01:07:53.000 Like, that's a real thought.
01:07:54.000 Like, don't piss them off or they'll put you on a no-fly list.
01:07:56.000 I'm not scared of TSA at all.
01:07:57.000 You should be worried about government corruption.
01:08:00.000 And anybody that puts you in a government no-fly list because you have espoused views that they don't feel like fits the company line, that's very scary.
01:08:10.000 Yeah, it's a problem.
01:08:10.000 It's very scary and very dangerous.
01:08:12.000 But that's not what's going on here.
01:08:13.000 What you need to worry about being put on a no-fly list is just because of your behavior.
01:08:18.000 It's just you made a scene. 1.00
01:08:21.000 I'm allowed to call him an idiot all I want. 1.00
01:08:22.000 It's not the way you're doing it. 1.00
01:08:24.000 The way you're doing it, you yelled and you escalated and you made it a big deal.
01:08:30.000 So what are your problems with TSA? It's not good.
01:08:50.000 It's not efficient.
01:08:50.000 When people get in a position of power, they actually do feel like you have to listen to them.
01:08:55.000 I mean, I've had that with bosses.
01:08:58.000 We've all had that with teachers.
01:08:59.000 When people get in a position of power, they act as if they have some indefensible authority over you.
01:09:08.000 They're powerful.
01:09:10.000 And it's a natural thing.
01:09:13.000 Well, that's opportunistic people.
01:09:15.000 That's poor people also.
01:09:16.000 They were laughing at those naked pictures of people.
01:09:18.000 They were sitting in control and laughing.
01:09:20.000 I would too.
01:09:21.000 You would too.
01:09:21.000 We had that job.
01:09:22.000 So I wouldn't have that being a job.
01:09:25.000 Ari, you'd probably come on those pictures. 0.94
01:09:27.000 I probably would.
01:09:28.000 I wouldn't be any better.
01:09:29.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:09:30.000 I wouldn't be any better if I was in that job.
01:09:31.000 Right. 1.00
01:09:32.000 I'd view the fucking travelers as the enemy also. 1.00
01:09:35.000 I don't think it's that bad of a job. 0.99
01:09:37.000 I don't think it's that big of a deal.
01:09:39.000 I really don't.
01:09:39.000 You're just harassing people.
01:09:40.000 That's your job.
01:09:41.000 It's to harass people.
01:09:42.000 I've never been harassed.
01:09:43.000 Just because you have doesn't mean it's a real thing that no one has.
01:09:46.000 So it's like obviously there's some times.
01:09:48.000 You have people doing anything in a position of power.
01:09:51.000 There's a certain percentage of Wrong interactions are going to take place where people are going to be harassed.
01:09:55.000 Why are we putting untrained people in these positions of power over us? 0.98
01:09:58.000 Because it would cost even more fucking taxpayer money to train these assholes and to pay them more money and to go and get more qualified, more socially advanced people for the job. 0.99
01:10:11.000 I mean, what are you going to do? 0.99
01:10:11.000 Where are you going to get them? 0.99
01:10:12.000 You're getting people, a lot of these people that work for the TSA, there's not a lot of other jobs.
01:10:18.000 And that's what the issue is.
01:10:20.000 They have to take this job.
01:10:21.000 It's not a bad job.
01:10:22.000 What do you want to do?
01:10:23.000 They can't downsize it now.
01:10:24.000 They're unable to.
01:10:25.000 Is that what it is?
01:10:26.000 65,000 employees.
01:10:27.000 It would make a tremendous dent.
01:10:29.000 You would see the mark on the unemployment rates.
01:10:31.000 I'm not necessarily saying that they need to downsize it.
01:10:34.000 They need to make it more efficient and it would be nice if people were more pleasant.
01:10:38.000 Possibly privatize it.
01:10:39.000 That's an issue with human beings.
01:10:41.000 Maybe privatize it. 0.99
01:10:43.000 Even if they privatized it, man, it'd be even creepier because then it would be some fucking giant corporation instead of some inept government agency. 0.97
01:10:48.000 That's what it was before. 0.96
01:10:50.000 Airlines would hire people.
01:10:51.000 Yeah?
01:10:52.000 I don't know if that's good or bad.
01:10:53.000 I really don't know.
01:10:54.000 But what I do know is that your anger about it is going to get you in trouble.
01:11:03.000 Yeah, if you were screaming, that's scary.
01:11:05.000 That's crazy.
01:11:06.000 You should not scream at anyone, man.
01:11:09.000 That's putting out bad energy.
01:11:10.000 He goes, I'm calling over my supervisor, and the supervisor comes over, he goes, oh great. 1.00
01:11:15.000 He goes, the head idiot in this corrupt organization. 1.00
01:11:19.000 He goes, the fuck are you doing? 1.00
01:11:21.000 What do you want? 1.00
01:11:22.000 He's talking to him like that.
01:11:24.000 Yeah.
01:11:24.000 What if he was a listener and a fan of yours?
01:11:27.000 That would have nothing to do with my feelings about his job.
01:11:31.000 I bought your comedy CD online.
01:11:34.000 It was really good.
01:11:34.000 That's great.
01:11:35.000 So what if he's punching nuns just because he said he's a fan of mine?
01:11:38.000 He's also a person with a job.
01:11:40.000 I know, but I've already told you.
01:11:42.000 I have a job.
01:11:43.000 Yeah, but you need to go above that.
01:11:45.000 If you really care this much about it, you need to fight the guy that's in charge of all.
01:11:50.000 It's not the employees that are just trying to work on kids, families.
01:11:52.000 I try on Twitter sometimes to tell everybody that the head of the TSA, the guy who ran the TSA, is the guy who Who owned the company that made those scanners that we don't use anymore.
01:12:00.000 He was the one who said, we need those scanners, and then he sold it to himself.
01:12:03.000 So the head of this company...
01:12:05.000 Are you sure about that?
01:12:07.000 Yeah.
01:12:07.000 He was the former head.
01:12:09.000 Went to this.
01:12:09.000 He got the contract.
01:12:11.000 Opened up.
01:12:12.000 Spent all his money.
01:12:13.000 That he used for two years and got rid of now.
01:12:14.000 The one that wasn't fully tested, I guess.
01:12:17.000 He made billions.
01:12:19.000 Really?
01:12:19.000 Billions?
01:12:20.000 So much money.
01:12:20.000 Do you know how much one of those things cost?
01:12:22.000 How much?
01:12:23.000 I don't know.
01:12:23.000 $70.
01:12:24.000 More than $70.
01:12:26.000 And they have them everywhere.
01:12:27.000 And the only reason we had them, we didn't invent this time that somebody was like, oh, somebody tried to get through, we need this.
01:12:32.000 He just said, yeah, we need it now, for no reason.
01:12:35.000 And now he has to be it.
01:12:36.000 That's just from the start!
01:12:38.000 Former TSA director Michael Chertoff owns Body Scanning Company.
01:12:44.000 So he's the former director.
01:12:47.000 So he left and started a business that makes these body scanners and then sold them to the TSA, like the TSA had to buy his business. 0.98
01:12:56.000 So that sounds like some fuckery for sure.
01:13:00.000 Chertoff's advocacy for the technology dates back to his time in the Bush administration.
01:13:06.000 In 2005, Homeland Security ordered the government's first batch of the scanners, five from the California-based rapid scan systems.
01:13:13.000 Today, 40 body scanners are in 19 airports.
01:13:17.000 Listen to this.
01:13:18.000 The TSA purchased 150 machines from them with $25 million in American Recovery and Reinvestment Act funds.
01:13:26.000 So, in this summer, when, you know, there's like, oh man, we gotta bring this economy back.
01:13:33.000 Remember when they were throwing all that money back in?
01:13:35.000 Just invent the jobs. 1.00
01:13:36.000 They made, they threw 25 million dollars at this cunt in his stupid fucking scanning machines. 1.00
01:13:45.000 Yeah, if you had to choose between money going to that or money going to mental health and education, nutrition for school kids, fuck you. 1.00
01:13:58.000 I just think you should fight it on a larger scale than attacking poor employees of Burbank Airport or LAX Airport when they're just trying to do their job. 0.99
01:14:07.000 I already told you, I don't respect that just trying to do my job argument in any way.
01:14:11.000 That's not an excuse for anything.
01:14:13.000 But you're making it unpleasant, but you're still going through it.
01:14:15.000 All you're doing is making it unpleasant.
01:14:17.000 Yeah, I would like to make it unpleasant for them.
01:14:19.000 Let me ask you a question.
01:14:21.000 What if they would go further to get better testing, even more testing, even more clear about what you have in you?
01:14:27.000 Why would they have to go further?
01:14:28.000 Well, they already did to get these scanners.
01:14:30.000 Right, but why would they have to go further than that?
01:14:32.000 Why would they have to go that far?
01:14:34.000 Because they didn't have scanners that could see bombs.
01:14:39.000 I think it's just more efficient.
01:14:41.000 If you were strapped wearing a vest or if you were wearing drugs taped to your body or if you were concealing something like a plastic weapon.
01:14:51.000 Wouldn't strip search be the best thing?
01:14:53.000 I guess strip search would be the best thing. 0.72
01:14:55.000 Yeah, but so why would we not go that far?
01:14:58.000 It's sort of a slippery slope, and I don't see why it's gone this far, and I don't know why it wouldn't go even further.
01:15:03.000 Well, the only way it would go even further is if something cataclysmic happened.
01:15:07.000 Yeah.
01:15:08.000 But the scanners didn't – there wasn't a result of anything happening.
01:15:11.000 Or anything even trying to happen.
01:15:13.000 No, but it's just more efficient.
01:15:15.000 That's all it is.
01:15:16.000 Joe used to go through those old machines with his watch on.
01:15:20.000 Every time he was like, look at this.
01:15:21.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:15:22.000 Now that doesn't happen.
01:15:24.000 It's just better technology.
01:15:26.000 They got new iPhones.
01:15:28.000 It really is better technology.
01:15:30.000 I think I made a forum post.
01:15:33.000 Maybe I didn't.
01:15:35.000 Maybe I said I was going to and I decided not to.
01:15:37.000 Wouldn't a strip search be the best technology?
01:15:39.000 Yeah, but we don't need that.
01:15:40.000 Yeah, but they're not doing that.
01:15:41.000 You're arguing against them escalating past the point where they are at right now.
01:15:46.000 But they escalated past the point where they were before, and it wasn't based on any need.
01:15:50.000 It wasn't based on a need.
01:15:52.000 Joe is going through that old machine with his watch on.
01:15:53.000 With his watch on.
01:15:54.000 You keep telling him about his watch.
01:15:54.000 Who cares about his watch?
01:15:55.000 That wasn't a thing.
01:15:56.000 That's a perfect example.
01:15:57.000 It's on an efficient machine.
01:15:58.000 You could use the same parts.
01:16:01.000 If it didn't detect your watch, that's fine.
01:16:02.000 If it didn't detect a bomb or a knife, that's not fine.
01:16:05.000 You would need to show me an example of some time they didn't detect a bomb or a knife.
01:16:08.000 They didn't see plastic knives.
01:16:10.000 Those radar things didn't see plastic knives that you have concealed and taped to your body.
01:16:14.000 They have plastic knives that are made of this composite plastic. 1.00
01:16:17.000 They can fucking kill you easy. 1.00
01:16:19.000 And they can see those now? 1.00
01:16:19.000 Yeah, they can see those now. 1.00
01:16:21.000 There's a lot of shit that used to be indetectable that they could find. 0.95
01:16:27.000 What if they invent something that these things can't detect? 0.98
01:16:29.000 But Ari, for you, it's not a different experience. 1.00
01:16:33.000 You put your shit down, you walk through. 1.00
01:16:35.000 I just don't like that they're taking the power. 1.00
01:16:37.000 I just don't like that they're making a step through these checkpoints.
01:16:39.000 I don't like that they have control and there's no say.
01:16:42.000 But yet you go through it.
01:16:43.000 Because I have to.
01:16:44.000 So you decide that what you're going to do is go through it and just annoy people.
01:16:49.000 That's very childish, though.
01:16:50.000 Well, that's like a waste of energy.
01:16:51.000 It's kind of like the seat on the airplane, Joe.
01:16:54.000 Like the seat in the airplane?
01:16:56.000 Yeah, leaning back your seat on the airplane when you're like yelling and kicking the back of the person.
01:17:00.000 Oh, that Ari does that. 1.00
01:17:01.000 He knees people's seat if they lean back on him.
01:17:04.000 He gets upset that you lean your seat back.
01:17:06.000 Yeah.
01:17:08.000 You guys still think that? 0.98
01:17:09.000 It's ridiculous. 0.97
01:17:10.000 Yeah, I think it sucks that they have it so that people will use it. 0.98
01:17:14.000 But it sucks that there's like no space. 0.91
01:17:17.000 It sucks that everybody gets no space. 0.63
01:17:19.000 There's already no space and you're trusting Delta to decide how much you should be able to lean back.
01:17:23.000 The reality is everybody has a seat and everybody's seat has a button.
01:17:27.000 And if he does that, you can do that too.
01:17:28.000 And everybody sort of accepts that.
01:17:30.000 You decide that you don't agree with it.
01:17:32.000 What if your seat went back even further?
01:17:34.000 Don't say that because it doesn't.
01:17:36.000 What if it went back less far?
01:17:38.000 It doesn't matter.
01:17:39.000 Then you would have nothing to argue about.
01:17:41.000 What are you saying?
01:17:41.000 Here's what I'm saying.
01:17:42.000 That you are trusting Delta or American or United to tell you as a person how much room you can take away from the person behind you.
01:17:49.000 You're not taking away that person's room.
01:17:51.000 Everyone's sharing space already.
01:17:53.000 You're absolutely taking away their room.
01:17:54.000 And if you have a chair, and your chair goes like this, and the person behind you has a chair, and their chair goes like that also, you've just shared space in a different way.
01:18:04.000 You're not taking away any room.
01:18:06.000 Making a sandwich.
01:18:06.000 Well, the emergency exit row goes back.
01:18:09.000 Not everyone goes back.
01:18:10.000 Okay, so you know why?
01:18:11.000 Emergency exit row is to get that little extra space for their legs. 1.00
01:18:14.000 Also, the guy in the back doesn't get back.
01:18:15.000 It's not like you have to move back.
01:18:16.000 Have you not seen those pictures of somebody slammed up?
01:18:18.000 So that means one person, the emergency exit row, that person doesn't annoy potential Ari Shaffir's.
01:18:23.000 Have you not seen that picture?
01:18:24.000 That's why you don't fly.
01:18:25.000 I've seen pictures of us.
01:18:25.000 Have you not seen a picture of crumpled up where the guy can't even use his computer because the person in front of him leaned backwards?
01:18:30.000 Yeah, I've seen that.
01:18:31.000 All right, and you know what?
01:18:32.000 That's why you go to your… You wouldn't think that would be a cooler thing to do to not lean back and take away that space?
01:18:37.000 Do you know that if you leaned back when that guy is doing that that you would no longer have that issue?
01:18:41.000 No, that's not it.
01:18:42.000 That's not real.
01:18:43.000 That doesn't make up for it.
01:18:45.000 You're wrong.
01:18:45.000 That doesn't make up for it.
01:18:46.000 That doesn't add the same amount of space to you.
01:18:48.000 You still can't see it.
01:18:49.000 When they're back here, I've already looked at it.
01:18:50.000 So it's purely a laptop issue.
01:18:53.000 Is that what you're saying?
01:18:53.000 Just all sorts of comfort issue.
01:18:57.000 If you want to look at the screen in front of you and the guy leans back, you're like, ugh.
01:19:00.000 You know what?
01:19:00.000 It's annoying when people lean back in front of you.
01:19:02.000 Everyone gets annoyed by that.
01:19:03.000 Everyone does.
01:19:04.000 Again, but that doesn't mean you should kick the back of their – make their whole day horrible because – Honestly, Brian, the last time I did it was five years ago.
01:19:12.000 Okay.
01:19:12.000 But I do get annoyed every time people do it.
01:19:15.000 Every time people lean back and take away that space, yes, I get annoyed.
01:19:18.000 But I don't kick their chair anymore. 0.95
01:19:19.000 Do you know that that's ridiculous, though?
01:19:20.000 That everybody has a seat. 0.60
01:19:22.000 Everybody's seat has a button.
01:19:24.000 And everybody uses that button.
01:19:25.000 And no one ever, ever says, Oh my God, I can't believe this person in front of me is reclining their chair.
01:19:32.000 What?
01:19:32.000 No one ever says that?
01:19:33.000 No.
01:19:34.000 You didn't see the Twitter responses after the last time we talked about this?
01:19:37.000 What? 1.00
01:19:37.000 Hundreds of people tagging us both saying, yeah, that shit pisses me off when people lean back. 1.00
01:19:41.000 Yeah, but they don't say anything. 1.00
01:19:43.000 It might suck, but when somebody leans back and I'm on my laptop, I'm like, ah, fuck. 1.00
01:19:47.000 Yeah, it's just that's his chair. 0.99
01:19:49.000 If he wants to lean his chair back, I don't always lean my chair back.
01:19:51.000 But as a human, can't you see that you are inflicting some sort of pain on another human and say, I'm not going to do this? 1.00
01:19:58.000 Jesus Christ, melodramatic fuck. 1.00
01:20:00.000 That's all it is. 1.00
01:20:01.000 Inflicting pain on someone by reclining your chair?
01:20:03.000 Yes!
01:20:03.000 You are taking away the small amount of comfort they have on an already too small flight.
01:20:08.000 We've been over this.
01:20:09.000 You've agreed.
01:20:09.000 No, I haven't agreed ever.
01:20:12.000 It's already too small on this.
01:20:12.000 It's already too small amount of space.
01:20:14.000 Don't say that I agreed on this.
01:20:15.000 We have been over this and you have agreed that it's already too small in the space.
01:20:19.000 It's a small space, period.
01:20:19.000 Yes.
01:20:20.000 It's almost not enough to take some more of that away.
01:20:23.000 You don't see...
01:20:25.000 How can you not see that that would be hard for somebody?
01:20:28.000 Ari, there's a huge difference between how could you not see that it's better if the guy doesn't recline and going, that's his seat, he wants to recline.
01:20:36.000 He wants to recline because he's more comfortable when he's sitting back.
01:20:40.000 I don't mind. 0.99
01:20:41.000 I don't really give a fuck, Ari. 0.99
01:20:42.000 It doesn't bother me that much. 1.00
01:20:43.000 But I certainly don't think that I should be able to kick his fucking chair. 0.99
01:20:46.000 That was five years ago. 0.99
01:20:48.000 I did it three times ever.
01:20:49.000 I'm just saying I get annoyed by that stuff.
01:20:51.000 But you got annoyed to the point with the reason why we talked about it in the first place.
01:20:54.000 Because I hate it.
01:20:55.000 Because I hate it. 0.94
01:20:56.000 I hate it.
01:20:57.000 You know they make a device that will stop people from leaning back now?
01:21:00.000 You can attach it to their chairs.
01:21:01.000 You can attach it to your tray so people can no longer lean back.
01:21:05.000 It's like a break so that people in front of you can't lean back.
01:21:08.000 Yeah.
01:21:08.000 Really?
01:21:09.000 Yeah.
01:21:10.000 They're marketing that.
01:21:10.000 Is it legal?
01:21:11.000 They're marketing that purely because of cunts, apparently. 0.99
01:21:14.000 It is. 1.00
01:21:14.000 It's only because of the cunts. 1.00
01:21:16.000 They're marketing and selling a device. 1.00
01:21:17.000 If you buy one of those, you're a cunt. 1.00
01:21:19.000 If you buy one of those things, it stops the guy in front of you from reclining his seat, I say you're a cunt. 1.00
01:21:25.000 That's a cunty thing to do. 1.00
01:21:27.000 It's his fucking chair. 1.00
01:21:28.000 Have you seen a picture of that guy like this? 1.00
01:21:30.000 Yeah, that's not real, Ari.
01:21:31.000 Ari, there's also- Do you know that?
01:21:33.000 Do you know that that's like a parody?
01:21:34.000 That's pretty close. 0.98
01:21:36.000 When I see my computer screen closed as they fucking lean back. 1.00
01:21:40.000 Shut your computer. 1.00
01:21:41.000 Close your eyes.
01:21:42.000 No, come on. 0.85
01:21:43.000 You can't say just don't use your computer.
01:21:45.000 You also know that there's certain airlines that have more room than others.
01:21:50.000 You also know that there's certain airlines that have more room than others.
01:21:53.000 Like, yes, I think it's American or something like that.
01:21:55.000 When you lean back, there's room, actually.
01:21:58.000 American has the most room. 0.98
01:21:59.000 Yeah, and then there's like Delta where it's like you're...
01:22:01.000 Almost about the dot or something.
01:22:02.000 There's no question about it.
01:22:04.000 They are giving you too little space.
01:22:06.000 No question about it. 1.00
01:22:08.000 But I don't think that's the fault of someone who's hitting the recline button on their fucking chair. 0.99
01:22:12.000 Yeah, it's not his fault they give you too little space. 0.99
01:22:13.000 Absolutely not.
01:22:14.000 But once they've already given you too little space, I don't have any problem with it.
01:22:19.000 For the sake of leaning back.
01:22:21.000 Yeah.
01:22:22.000 Yeah, I have no problem.
01:22:23.000 For some people, it makes them more comfortable.
01:22:26.000 Yeah, it's like a blanket of human on you.
01:22:28.000 Especially if the girl's high and you have a girl kind of laying on your... 0.98
01:22:30.000 I don't think that ever happens. 0.99
01:22:31.000 I think all of a sudden Brian's in fucking penthouse letters. 1.00
01:22:35.000 You're just making shit up, you fuck. 1.00
01:22:36.000 What are you doing? 1.00
01:22:37.000 Yeah.
01:22:38.000 I can't...
01:22:39.000 I mean, that's what business class is for, too, because you're supposed to have more room because you have a laptop and you're actually doing business where most people, like myself, I just sleep.
01:22:48.000 I lay back, I sleep the whole entire flight or something like that, you know?
01:22:52.000 So...
01:22:53.000 You're doing business.
01:22:55.000 You're a taller person.
01:22:56.000 You might want to pay the extra $20.
01:22:58.000 I'm watching videos on my computer.
01:22:59.000 It's more than $20.
01:23:00.000 And it's way more than $20.
01:23:02.000 It depends.
01:23:02.000 It's not a reason at all.
01:23:03.000 Get yourself an iPad, son.
01:23:04.000 One of those little 7-inch ones.
01:23:05.000 Yeah, look at this. 1.00
01:23:06.000 Read that bitch. 1.00
01:23:07.000 Look at this cute little baby. 1.00
01:23:08.000 Oh, it's a little cute baby.
01:23:09.000 It's so easy to use.
01:23:10.000 Look at that.
01:23:11.000 I think you guys both need to do mushrooms soon.
01:23:14.000 Oh, we need to do mushrooms because you're kicking people and yelling people at the airports. 0.91
01:23:17.000 Jesus Christ.
01:23:18.000 What kind of mushrooms are you doing?
01:23:18.000 Do you know how projective that is?
01:23:21.000 We need to do mushrooms.
01:23:23.000 Why do we need to do mushrooms, Ari?
01:23:24.000 Please explain.
01:23:26.000 Because I don't think you would be that rude to another human if you do them recently.
01:23:30.000 Oh my god, Ari, I sit in first class.
01:23:32.000 I know.
01:23:33.000 I don't recline at people.
01:23:35.000 And by the way, if I did recline at people, I don't think it would be that big of a deal.
01:23:39.000 In first class, you would have plenty of space.
01:23:41.000 But I pay for that space because I don't like the issues. 1.00
01:23:44.000 I do agree that coach tickets suck a fat dick. 1.00
01:23:48.000 Their fucking space is too small. 1.00
01:23:50.000 So I go out of my way and pay extra money. 0.99
01:23:52.000 And I understand that other people can't afford that.
01:23:53.000 But guess what?
01:23:54.000 Most of my life I did Do that.
01:23:58.000 Most of my life I did fly coach, okay?
01:24:00.000 And when I fly coach, I would recline if I wanted to.
01:24:03.000 I know, clearly.
01:24:03.000 You said that a thousand times.
01:24:05.000 And you said it a thousand times that it's a problem.
01:24:07.000 I just can't believe it.
01:24:07.000 I just can't believe you would.
01:24:09.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00
01:24:10.000 You think that we need to do mushrooms because we don't agree with you in your hyper-aggressive way of kicking people's chairs. 1.00
01:24:15.000 I think it's – that was pre-mushrooms with kicking people's chairs.
01:24:19.000 Absolutely.
01:24:20.000 But I think this is why you need mushrooms, because it helps you find an empathy with other people.
01:24:23.000 I see the empathy. 0.99
01:24:25.000 But I also see that you get real aggro about shit that can be avoided. 0.97
01:24:29.000 And I think that if someone leans their chair back and I'm sitting in coach and the thing is like this and I can't do it anymore, I will fucking close it and I'll pick up a book or I'll do nothing. 0.95
01:24:39.000 I'm not going to get upset at some guy who's just using his chair function.
01:24:42.000 It's not that big of a deal. 0.99
01:24:44.000 You saying that I need to do mushrooms because I don't see the empathy and you going berserk over something you're not going to ever control is ridiculous. 0.96
01:24:51.000 The empathy of a TSA agent, Ari. 0.99
01:24:54.000 You're not.
01:24:54.000 You're screaming at this guy.
01:24:55.000 I don't like their jobs at all.
01:24:57.000 Yeah, well, you're not looking at them as human beings.
01:24:58.000 That definitely is the most aggravated I get in my life, pretty much, the TSA people. 0.97
01:25:02.000 You're being really hypocritical on that. 0.71
01:25:04.000 It's really kind of silly that you're saying that we don't have empathy for you getting upset because you can't use your laptop, and these people just have a job that you don't necessarily like, and they're not necessarily being shitty to you at all. 0.96
01:25:15.000 I saw the way those people were reacting to you when you were yelling at them.
01:25:18.000 No, no, no.
01:25:18.000 It's not the individuals.
01:25:20.000 I went over this with Brendan Walsh once, and he made it kind of clear to me.
01:25:23.000 He was like, just them saying you have a job is not a reason to do anything.
01:25:28.000 Obviously, you can take it back to Holocaust times. 0.96
01:25:30.000 Oh, so you went over it with Brendan Walsh.
01:25:32.000 So what we're saying makes no sense now?
01:25:33.000 No, he just sort of made it clear to me.
01:25:35.000 I was like, well, come on, man.
01:25:36.000 They're just doing their jobs.
01:25:36.000 Same sort of thing.
01:25:37.000 But I just sort of became clear.
01:25:39.000 Well, Brendan Walsh is another guy who looks for problems.
01:25:41.000 I don't agree.
01:25:43.000 I think that these people are just doing their job.
01:25:45.000 I know, but the idea of someone just doing their job is...
01:25:47.000 It's not that hard!
01:25:48.000 What? 0.80
01:25:49.000 If they were actually being shitty to you, yes.
01:25:51.000 But these guys were not being shitty to you, man.
01:25:52.000 It's not that.
01:25:53.000 I think they work for this organization that just is bad for us.
01:25:57.000 We don't like it.
01:25:57.000 Okay.
01:25:58.000 But while you're there and you are interacting with them, you're choosing to make things difficult.
01:26:04.000 It's not a difficult experience.
01:26:05.000 You're creating a difficult experience out of an experience that's not difficult because you have a problem with the fact they exist.
01:26:12.000 But yet, you know they exist, and yet you know you're going to interact with them.
01:26:16.000 So you're choosing to be uncomfortable.
01:26:18.000 I get what you're saying, and I tried this once.
01:26:20.000 The first time I saw it, and I looked at what they were, and I was like, oh, they're just people making us go through checkpoints.
01:26:25.000 I thought this over, and I was like, is it even worth...
01:26:28.000 You know, having a problem with that isn't even worth like, you know, getting upset at all about it.
01:26:32.000 Right.
01:26:32.000 But man, it just sort of just bothers me.
01:26:34.000 I know. 1.00
01:26:35.000 That's why you need to do Mushrooms, you fuckhead. 1.00
01:26:37.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:26:38.000 Right.
01:26:38.000 I will soon.
01:26:40.000 This is such a ridiculous stance to take because you're a professional comedian. 0.98
01:26:44.000 You fly all the time. 0.98
01:26:46.000 It's just an experience.
01:26:47.000 It's not bad. 0.94
01:26:48.000 The idea behind it, behind any loss of civil liberties and any loss of privacy, I'm not a fan of any of that shit, but this is a part of flying. 0.93
01:27:02.000 It's not a major issue, in my opinion. 0.91
01:27:05.000 And when I see these aberrations that people like to point out, examples of things that the TSA has done, like someone stole something, I absolutely think that can happen. 0.98
01:27:15.000 I absolutely think that people can fuck up. 0.91
01:27:17.000 People can hire the wrong person. 1.00
01:27:20.000 People can sneak through the net and be assholes. 0.99
01:27:23.000 But in my experience with the TSA, they're just people. 0.99
01:27:26.000 They're just regular people and this is what they do.
01:27:28.000 Yeah.
01:27:29.000 It's part of a whole organization.
01:27:30.000 I say hi, and they say hi back.
01:27:32.000 I say, how you doing?
01:27:33.000 Everything's good, man.
01:27:34.000 How you doing?
01:27:34.000 And it seems like really easy.
01:27:36.000 I see a bunch of people that are just working. 0.97
01:27:38.000 And, you know, they're trying to do their job when there's fucking thousands of people going through there every day. 0.75
01:27:43.000 And it's trying to keep chaos and everything orderly. 0.98
01:27:48.000 It's got to be really fucking difficult. 0.91
01:27:49.000 What do you think everyone's problem is with them? 1.00
01:27:51.000 They suck. 1.00
01:27:52.000 They're incompetent. 1.00
01:27:54.000 Look, I always said that the people that work at the TSA are often the same people that work in the fast food counters. 0.96
01:27:59.000 They just switch roles.
01:28:01.000 Hey, you used to work for Burger King, now you're bomb scanning.
01:28:04.000 How'd that move up?
01:28:06.000 They're just people with jobs, man.
01:28:08.000 I don't want that job.
01:28:09.000 I wish that job wasn't necessary, but it seems to be necessary and someone needs to do it. 0.99
01:28:13.000 So who the fuck is going to do it? 0.97
01:28:15.000 Well, unless they're paying people 50 bucks an hour, you're not going to get people that have a lot of other options. 0.98
01:28:20.000 So they don't have that many options.
01:28:21.000 So who are these people?
01:28:22.000 These are people that are impoverished, they don't live in the best neighborhoods, they don't have a lot of opportunities, whatever it is.
01:28:28.000 And so those are the people that they're trying to get to be professional and those are the people that are trying to get to represent their company.
01:28:33.000 And of course it doesn't run smoothly.
01:28:35.000 Like most human beings, You put them in a situation, any situation, and have a group of them that are in control over a massive group of people, and you ask them to behave orderly, good luck with that.
01:28:48.000 Good luck with that.
01:28:49.000 But my point is that when you go to the airport, you know that there are going to be TSA agents.
01:28:56.000 You know the whole procedure.
01:28:57.000 Yeah, that's what I don't like.
01:28:59.000 That there are going to be them.
01:29:00.000 This idea, I've had one of the guys say, I was like, why do we take our shoes off?
01:29:03.000 And he was like, you got to.
01:29:04.000 I'm like, why do we take our shoes off?
01:29:05.000 I was being mean to him, same way.
01:29:06.000 But his answer at the end was, if you don't like it, don't fly.
01:29:11.000 And I was like, that doesn't seem like a good enough reason.
01:29:13.000 Yeah, but he doesn't represent the company.
01:29:14.000 He's just a dude.
01:29:15.000 He's just some dude working. 1.00
01:29:17.000 You're some dickhead who doesn't want to take your shoes off. 0.99
01:29:19.000 He's like, I have to tell you to take your shoes off. 1.00
01:29:21.000 That's my job.
01:29:22.000 My job is when you go through here, I have to make sure your shoes don't have bombs on them.
01:29:25.000 Please take your shoes off.
01:29:26.000 Why do I have to take those shoes off?
01:29:27.000 You're like, oh God.
01:29:29.000 He's like, because you have to.
01:29:30.000 Yeah, I can see it from this point of view too.
01:29:31.000 Yeah, you should be able to see it from this point of view. 0.77
01:29:33.000 Your lack of empathy for them is very hypocritical when you want people to be empathetic and you're not leaning back.
01:29:39.000 Well, yeah. 0.94
01:29:41.000 Yeah, obviously.
01:29:42.000 I'm totally, definitely not on exact point in my whole life.
01:29:45.000 It's not, but this is an unnecessary...
01:29:47.000 Yeah, I thought about that and I don't know.
01:29:50.000 This is all new stuff for me.
01:29:51.000 I'm trying to figure it out.
01:29:52.000 But I don't like that the fact that TSA is there taking away our civil liberties.
01:29:56.000 And I hate even saying the word civil liberties because it makes it seem like you're a political coot. 0.99
01:29:59.000 If you really worry about civil liberties, the TSA is not what you should be concerned with.
01:30:04.000 You should be focusing your efforts on the National Defense Authorization Act, the Patriot Act.
01:30:08.000 You should be focusing your recent admission from the Obama administration that they've protocol to use drones, armed drones, on US civilians.
01:30:20.000 They're trying to figure out how to get away with that. 1.00
01:30:23.000 Drones with guns to shoot you out of the fucking sky. 1.00
01:30:27.000 If you want to worry about civil liberties, I'm with you. 1.00
01:30:30.000 But this is not one, in my opinion, that needs the kind of attention that you're giving it.
01:30:35.000 Maybe it's just that I'm not used to it yet or something.
01:30:41.000 You're choosing to get upset.
01:30:43.000 You're not being upset because someone is forcing you into a position where you have to angrily react to stop them from doing it.
01:30:50.000 Yeah.
01:30:50.000 You're choosing to turn this into an aggressive moment, and it's not necessary.
01:30:55.000 Oh yeah, absolutely, I was choosing to.
01:30:57.000 Yeah, but it's not necessary.
01:30:58.000 No, it's not necessary.
01:30:59.000 I don't think it even accomplishes anything.
01:31:00.000 I avoid it doesn't accomplish anything.
01:31:02.000 It makes you angry.
01:31:03.000 But it's not to accomplish it.
01:31:04.000 But what it is, it's childish.
01:31:06.000 It's not necessary.
01:31:07.000 It's childish and it's negative. 0.94
01:31:08.000 And you fuck up the day, or at least the experience, depending on how numb those people are. 0.90
01:31:13.000 That was definitely the intent. 0.93
01:31:16.000 I understand, but you shouldn't.
01:31:18.000 It's not necessary.
01:31:19.000 I would run into those same people and say, Hi, what's up?
01:31:22.000 How you doing?
01:31:23.000 And Brian would run into the same people.
01:31:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously.
01:31:26.000 But we both get to the same goal.
01:31:28.000 And one of us avoided, or we all, Brian and I, avoided any conflict, whereas you went through this stressful situation. 0.99
01:31:36.000 If I yell at someone, okay, if I get to the point of yelling at someone, it's because I want to kill you. 0.98
01:31:41.000 Okay? 0.97
01:31:42.000 Because you've done something that's either horrible or you're dangerous or you're threatening my health and I'm in a situation where I'm letting you know, like, I'm yelling too. 0.99
01:31:53.000 This shit could get crazy right now. 0.99
01:31:55.000 You're not getting crazy at the airport. 1.00
01:31:57.000 You're yelling because you know they're not going to yell back.
01:31:59.000 You're yelling because you know that they're forced to act in this very...
01:32:04.000 Politically correct.
01:32:05.000 And that's bullying.
01:32:06.000 Because you're putting them in a position where they can't react to you the way you're reacting to them. 1.00
01:32:11.000 You're like, oh, you're a fucking head idiot of this fucking corrupt organization. 1.00
01:32:14.000 But they can't talk to you like that. 1.00
01:32:16.000 Well, help me through this.
01:32:16.000 Help me through this.
01:32:17.000 Okay.
01:32:18.000 Because aren't they also – I'm not trying to be right here. 0.91
01:32:20.000 But aren't they also putting us in the position of having to fucking – just every single time we go, having to give up a little something, feel a little bad. 0.99
01:32:29.000 Well, they're putting you in a position where they have to check your shit, but I don't feel bad. 0.99
01:32:34.000 I'm telling you, when I go through it, I don't feel bad. 0.99
01:32:37.000 I even put my trays away for them.
01:32:39.000 I don't have to put my trays away.
01:32:40.000 I could leave them there, and I know that they would put them...
01:32:42.000 I try to help them out.
01:32:43.000 That's a nice thing to do.
01:32:44.000 I've gone through, after almost every UFC, when I go to the airport...
01:32:50.000 I talked to some dude who's a UFC fan who works there.
01:32:53.000 Yeah, I was always nice too.
01:32:54.000 And we always have conversations.
01:32:55.000 Can we do that fight? 1.00
01:32:56.000 Holy shit, man. 1.00
01:32:57.000 That one was crazy. 0.99
01:32:58.000 Like, what do you think's next for George St. Pierre?
01:33:00.000 You know, I mean, obviously that's me and I'm in a different situation.
01:33:03.000 I was always nice to him, but once I saw that it was like, this is sort of like, it's too much what they're doing.
01:33:08.000 Okay.
01:33:08.000 And once I saw that, then I had a lot more trouble with it.
01:33:11.000 Now I don't know what to do.
01:33:12.000 You mean the naked scanner?
01:33:13.000 The naked scanner.
01:33:13.000 The naked scanner, just to stop.
01:33:15.000 But your dick is on HBO. You pulled your cock out on HBO and you worried about them seeing your dick. 1.00
01:33:21.000 You can go look at my dick with your stand. 1.00
01:33:22.000 I'm not worried about them laughing at me. 1.00
01:33:24.000 It's not that.
01:33:24.000 I'm worried about them taking the control to be able to laugh at me.
01:33:27.000 It's just a job, man.
01:33:29.000 No, no, no.
01:33:30.000 I'm saying as the group, the Transportation Security Administration, them taking that Taking that power.
01:33:35.000 So it's just because of the naked scanning then?
01:33:37.000 No, no, no.
01:33:38.000 It's just sort of all of it.
01:33:39.000 But you know that they have to look at bags to make sure that people don't have explosives. 1.00
01:33:43.000 You know that people are crazy fucks. 0.99
01:33:44.000 You know when we were in Vegas, do you know this weekend when we worked at Mandalay Bay? 1.00
01:33:48.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:33:48.000 Which was, by the way, fucking awesome. 0.97
01:33:50.000 Yeah, it was. 0.96
01:33:50.000 Wasn't it? 0.96
01:33:50.000 Great time. 0.96
01:33:51.000 When we worked at that venue, they had to go through metal detectors.
01:33:54.000 Who did?
01:33:55.000 The people.
01:33:55.000 The people that came to that show.
01:33:57.000 Oh, yeah.
01:33:57.000 Yeah, when you go to Mandalay Bay, you go through metal detectors.
01:33:59.000 It's not because Vegas wants to take away your civil liberties. 0.78
01:34:02.000 Yeah.
01:34:02.000 Okay?
01:34:02.000 It's because they don't want anybody to get hurt.
01:34:04.000 Yeah.
01:34:04.000 They want to make sure that, you know, maybe it's a rap.
01:34:06.000 People don't have knives with them. 0.99
01:34:07.000 Maybe it's a fucking Ted Nugent concert. 0.99
01:34:09.000 Dudes want to bring their own bows and arrows. 1.00
01:34:11.000 Yeah.
01:34:11.000 You can't.
01:34:12.000 Yeah.
01:34:13.000 You can't.
01:34:13.000 Vegas will go, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing with arrows?
01:34:15.000 Oh, man, I didn't even know.
01:34:16.000 So you think it's just because the lines...
01:34:19.000 Humans! 0.89
01:34:20.000 Yeah, here's what I think it is.
01:34:20.000 Large groups of humans.
01:34:21.000 No, no.
01:34:22.000 That makes me madder, I'm saying. 0.97
01:34:23.000 Yeah, I think it's very stupid if me and you fly almost every week that we have to wait in the same line as this woman that's never flown ever. 1.00
01:34:31.000 Well, you don't. 0.96
01:34:32.000 Well, you don't in a way, but...
01:34:33.000 That TSA appreciate it.
01:34:34.000 You could do that.
01:34:35.000 Not everybody gets in that.
01:34:36.000 Yeah, I'm saying that...
01:34:37.000 You could do that.
01:34:38.000 No, I can't.
01:34:38.000 Why not?
01:34:39.000 I tried.
01:34:40.000 You can't?
01:34:40.000 No.
01:34:41.000 What do you mean?
01:34:41.000 It's not everybody.
01:34:42.000 Did you try to sign up online?
01:34:44.000 Uh-huh.
01:34:44.000 What'd they say?
01:34:45.000 They won't accept you?
01:34:46.000 Declined.
01:34:47.000 Really?
01:34:48.000 It's not everybody.
01:34:49.000 It's not like I'm a flyer, I can just get checked.
01:34:52.000 Wait a minute.
01:34:52.000 It's just a few people.
01:34:53.000 No, no, no.
01:34:55.000 Almost everybody I know that works for the UFC goes through that.
01:34:57.000 What did they decline you on?
01:35:00.000 What do you mean?
01:35:00.000 When you asked for TSA pre...
01:35:03.000 So what you're saying is you went through the security, the pre-security screening thing online.
01:35:08.000 It's TSA pre...
01:35:09.000 Yeah, somebody told me to do it.
01:35:10.000 So you gave in your information and they just decided to decline you.
01:35:15.000 Yeah.
01:35:16.000 When did this happen?
01:35:18.000 Three months ago.
01:35:20.000 When was I in D.C.? It was at the D.C. airport.
01:35:25.000 Do you have a record in any way?
01:35:27.000 No.
01:35:27.000 I went online to try to do it.
01:35:28.000 It's like, you can't do it.
01:35:29.000 You can't get it.
01:35:30.000 You can't get it.
01:35:31.000 Yeah, the TSA Pre.
01:35:33.000 But did you give them your social security number or something?
01:35:36.000 Yeah, all that stuff.
01:35:37.000 And then they did a background check on you.
01:35:39.000 I guess.
01:35:40.000 You don't really know what to do. 1.00
01:35:41.000 Probably does amazing racist shit. 1.00
01:35:42.000 Probably someone saw that and like, this motherfucker thinks he's funny. 1.00
01:35:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:35:47.000 It's probably just some DMV. So what do you think it is?
01:35:50.000 Why do you think I have the hatred there? 0.99
01:35:52.000 Listen man, because you're a smart guy and you see a logical shit. 0.97
01:35:56.000 But what I think is that you're not being empathetic and you're creating unnecessary anger. 0.98
01:36:04.000 You're creating unnecessary anger.
01:36:06.000 For them.
01:36:07.000 For you, for them, for everybody.
01:36:09.000 For me, it's not so bad.
01:36:10.000 Generally, you were there, so we kept talking about it.
01:36:11.000 But generally, I do it. 1.00
01:36:12.000 I force myself to fuck with them. 1.00
01:36:14.000 And then I just go back to being high and shop at the airport. 1.00
01:36:16.000 How much weed intake a day do you smoke?
01:36:18.000 All of it.
01:36:21.000 Like, no, no.
01:36:22.000 Seriously, like...
01:36:23.000 My new special, Passive Aggressive, is online right now.
01:36:25.000 Go to chill.com slash Ari Shaffir.
01:36:27.000 Get a poster along with it.
01:36:28.000 I just think it's unnecessary.
01:36:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:36:32.000 If you're going somewhere...
01:36:33.000 I thought about this, too.
01:36:34.000 It's like, I'm only...
01:36:35.000 Riling myself up.
01:36:36.000 Yes.
01:36:36.000 And even the stuff about the NDAA or whatever else that is, it's like, do we have the power to stop any of these things?
01:36:42.000 Well, you have to do the power to contact your congressman.
01:36:45.000 You have the power to write letters to senators.
01:36:47.000 You have the power to make petitions online.
01:36:49.000 You have the power to talk about it on social media.
01:36:51.000 So they understand that people are very upset about these trends and they understand that when voting comes around again, they're not going to vote for people that represent these trends.
01:36:59.000 That's why so many people were excited about Ron Paul.
01:37:02.000 That's why so many people...
01:37:03.000 I think Obama sort of represents the same system. 1.00
01:37:07.000 He represents the same thing too, but if he's going to be the one passing it, then it's like, fuck. 0.99
01:37:11.000 No, he doesn't represent that. 0.99
01:37:12.000 He was representing it.
01:37:13.000 No.
01:37:13.000 He was representing it, I mean.
01:37:15.000 Before the first term, maybe?
01:37:17.000 He was portraying that thing.
01:37:18.000 He was representing someone who would be just and for the people.
01:37:20.000 Well, he said a lot of things that were just not accurate at all, like about closing Guantanamo Bay and about changing the way we do business.
01:37:28.000 I think once he got in there, he realized he was dealing with a machine. 0.99
01:37:32.000 It's way more fucking corrupt. 0.99
01:37:33.000 What I'm talking about is a guy like Ron Paul, who really absolutely 100% said... 0.99
01:37:39.000 Did he say abolish the TSA? Well, he thinks that you should abolish the fucking Federal Reserve. 0.99
01:37:45.000 He thinks you should get rid of a lot of major government organizations. 0.99
01:37:51.000 He thinks they're ineffective and he thinks they're criminal. 0.99
01:37:55.000 Well, you know, fucking Kennedy wanted to get rid of the CIA. But the thing is, those things will just keep themselves... 0.99
01:37:59.000 If they're corporations, which they are, each branch is its own corporation.
01:38:03.000 Yeah.
01:38:03.000 They fight to stay alive.
01:38:05.000 Yeah, the corporation will fight to stay alive.
01:38:07.000 Which is like the DEA, an organization that's very similar as well.
01:38:11.000 And so they will make themselves necessary.
01:38:12.000 Which is why the DEA keeps busting medical marijuana. 0.99
01:38:14.000 And it's been proven over and over again that marijuana is just not dangerous.
01:38:18.000 But the reason why they're going in and busting it is because it's written down on paper somewhere.
01:38:21.000 And because if they don't do it, Yeah.
01:38:45.000 Which is how the whole transition from prohibition to prohibition against marijuana was so seamless.
01:38:51.000 It's just keeping the same people in jobs.
01:38:52.000 Within a year and a half, two years, the same people.
01:38:55.000 They just filtered them from one to the other.
01:38:58.000 Yeah.
01:38:59.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:39:00.000 Cunts. 0.98
01:39:01.000 It's people. 0.96
01:39:03.000 And I think the real problem is that there's an ineffective method of communication that we've been operating under for the longest time.
01:39:13.000 And that method is...
01:39:14.000 Right.
01:39:24.000 Right.
01:39:34.000 You are just – you're making these decisions without consulting the will of the people that are absolutely fundamentally altering the rights and liberties of the people that elected you into a position of power in the first place.
01:39:47.000 You're essentially removing their power once they've given you power.
01:39:51.000 That's treasonous.
01:39:52.000 We don't trust them.
01:39:53.000 We don't trust them, the people, anymore. 1.00
01:39:55.000 They're going to fuck shit up, so we'll take the power. 1.00
01:39:57.000 We'll be in control for them. 1.00
01:39:58.000 According to the Founding Fathers...
01:39:59.000 That's treasonous?
01:40:00.000 That's treasonous.
01:40:01.000 It's absolutely everything that's against the concept of being American.
01:40:05.000 But like anything else, once you've established an organization, it fights to stay alive.
01:40:12.000 And government is fighting to stay alive by making itself more and more complicated and intertwined with our lives.
01:40:19.000 Because the reality is, when we have more access to each other, the way we have now with the Internet, The way we have now with podcasting, we have an ability to explain things and communicate with people in a way that's never existed before.
01:40:32.000 So you don't rely on daddy anymore as much.
01:40:35.000 You don't rely on daddy government to let you know what the news are.
01:40:39.000 Daddy government doesn't have to tell you what the news is.
01:40:41.000 Daddy.
01:40:42.000 Daddy government. 0.91
01:40:43.000 You can go on Twitter and you find out what's going on in Pakistan.
01:40:47.000 You know why we had Congress?
01:40:49.000 The reason we had Congress is because if you live in Tennessee, you can't go to Washington to make your voice heard.
01:40:54.000 So we'd all get together, all us Tennesseans, and say, hey, Bob, you go.
01:40:57.000 You be our congressman.
01:40:58.000 Right.
01:40:58.000 You know why they did it?
01:41:00.000 Why?
01:41:00.000 Because people had horses.
01:41:01.000 Yeah.
01:41:02.000 But now— They didn't have email.
01:41:03.000 Now we have email.
01:41:04.000 So we don't even need—we don't need that job.
01:41:06.000 The reason we have that job, U.S. congressman, is no longer necessary.
01:41:10.000 But they won't let that job go away.
01:41:12.000 I don't think that's necessarily the case.
01:41:15.000 I think someone who really believes in the Constitution and they can be effective as a politician, I don't think it's necessary to get rid of Congress.
01:41:23.000 But I think that, like everything else, it's really hard to find really good people that can think And that are smart and motivated and are doing it for the right reasons.
01:41:34.000 Like, why do most people want to be senators?
01:41:36.000 Why do most people want to be congressmen?
01:41:38.000 Why do most people want to be mayors?
01:41:39.000 Are they really looking out for themselves?
01:41:41.000 Are they looking out for the people?
01:41:43.000 Are they really these amazing humanitarians that are just trying to elevate their community?
01:41:48.000 I say very few are.
01:41:49.000 I say a lot of them are just people, like the TSA people, just doing a job.
01:41:53.000 Yeah, because when we were kids, we looked at all the politicians like these uber noble people.
01:41:58.000 Because there are a few who are.
01:41:59.000 A few who are.
01:42:00.000 It's almost like ideally it is.
01:42:02.000 But really, it's just some guy.
01:42:03.000 We would like, though.
01:42:04.000 In a movie, the president is always super noble.
01:42:07.000 Yeah.
01:42:07.000 We would love that.
01:42:10.000 Yeah, we would love that.
01:42:11.000 But we all know it's really hard to find super noble people, period.
01:42:16.000 So why do we keep...
01:42:17.000 I mean, I try to be the nicest person I can.
01:42:20.000 But I'm not a super noble person. 0.94
01:42:23.000 I mean, I guess I might be if you compare me to a lot of douchebags.
01:42:27.000 But I, you know, I'm a guy who regularly breaks marijuana laws federally. 0.62
01:42:34.000 Doesn't.
01:42:35.000 Don't anymore.
01:42:36.000 I just quit.
01:42:36.000 Quit a couple of days ago.
01:42:38.000 Congratulations.
01:42:40.000 But you know what I mean?
01:42:41.000 I mean, I occasionally will drive above the speed limit, but I don't... 0.95
01:42:48.000 I mean, I call people cunts on an internet show.
01:42:50.000 I don't think I'd do anything necessarily bad, but I wouldn't want... 0.71
01:42:56.000 But what I'm saying is I wouldn't want me... 0.99
01:42:59.000 As a fucking president. 0.99
01:43:01.000 It's like to get a person to a position where you think they would be the right person. 1.00
01:43:05.000 You want a Yoda.
01:43:06.000 You'd hook up your friends.
01:43:07.000 You want a wise master.
01:43:11.000 You're just in it for good.
01:43:12.000 We're not dealing with wise masters.
01:43:14.000 We're not dealing with people that have spent their time doing yoga and meditating and contemplating the best...
01:43:21.000 Possible potential future of our culture. 1.00
01:43:24.000 We're dealing with idiots. 1.00
01:43:26.000 I mean, look, Mitt Romney almost got into fucking office. 1.00
01:43:28.000 A guy in a cult. 0.99
01:43:30.000 An active guy in a cult who made a career out of fucking over corporations and fucking over people and essentially hijacking a system and making millions and millions of dollars. 1.00
01:43:42.000 He's a total twat bag. 1.00
01:43:43.000 And he was 43% president. 0.99
01:43:45.000 He was almost there!
01:43:46.000 I think it was more than 43. 47%?
01:43:48.000 It was pretty close. 0.99
01:43:49.000 Close enough so it's shocking as fuck. 0.98
01:43:51.000 I mean, when I drove from San Francisco... 0.99
01:43:53.000 A known Mormon!
01:43:54.000 I drove from LA to San Francisco during the whole election thing.
01:44:00.000 It was like right when it was going down.
01:44:01.000 Oh my god, it was a wreck on a railroad track. 1.00
01:44:04.000 Everywhere you looked, there were these fucking Mitt Romney posters. 1.00
01:44:07.000 When you get to farmland, all those dumb fucks. 1.00
01:44:10.000 There's this funny thing about those farmer folks. 1.00
01:44:14.000 Not saying that all farmers are dumb fucks, but a lot of them are dumb fucks. 1.00
01:44:17.000 And a lot of them, they go straight conservative. 1.00
01:44:22.000 Right away conservative.
01:44:24.000 Automatic, knee-jerk conservatism. 1.00
01:44:26.000 The perfect kind of dumbo Secure conservatism, where they're just dumb, just dummies. 1.00
01:44:32.000 They're not doing it because they sought things through. 1.00
01:44:35.000 They're doing it because, oh, these fucking hippies. 1.00
01:44:37.000 And that was everywhere you go. 1.00
01:44:39.000 There's just giant Mitt Romney posters. 1.00
01:44:41.000 So I'm like, what you're saying is, you're looking at a guy who's in an organization that was created by a con man who was 14 years old, who created a fake religion that's based on 100% bullshit. 0.99
01:44:57.000 Religion's tough because people are born with it so they can't fight it anymore. 1.00
01:45:00.000 He wasn't just born with it. 1.00
01:45:02.000 He was born with it from a fucking dad who lived in Mexico. 1.00
01:45:06.000 His dad was born in Mexico. 1.00
01:45:09.000 Mormon Mexicans? 0.85
01:45:10.000 Yes.
01:45:10.000 Do you know about all that?
01:45:12.000 I didn't know they went there.
01:45:12.000 Oh, dude.
01:45:13.000 He's not just a regular Mormon.
01:45:15.000 You don't understand who Mitt Romney is. 1.00
01:45:17.000 Mitt Romney was a part of a Mormon sect that left America because they wanted to fuck multiple wives. 1.00
01:45:24.000 So they moved to Mexico. 0.99
01:45:26.000 It was in the 1800s.
01:45:27.000 We did it away with it.
01:45:28.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:45:29.000 So the Romney family still has a massive fucking ranch in Mexico. 1.00
01:45:35.000 Wow. 1.00
01:45:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:45:35.000 And there's not just one Mormon family down there. 1.00
01:45:38.000 There's a bunch.
01:45:39.000 Was that that ranch that was called the N-Bomb?
01:45:41.000 Who had that ranch? 0.97
01:45:44.000 Did you say N-bomb?
01:45:45.000 You just said N-bomb?
01:45:46.000 I don't know.
01:45:47.000 I figured there's been enough.
01:45:48.000 Ah!
01:45:48.000 Enough controversy on the podcast!
01:45:50.000 He's backing off!
01:45:51.000 He's so passive-aggressive.
01:45:53.000 I don't think...
01:45:54.000 I don't know if it's them.
01:45:55.000 I don't think it is.
01:45:56.000 But there's more than one gigantic Mormon family down there.
01:46:00.000 And in fact, they've had shootouts with the cartels.
01:46:03.000 Really?
01:46:03.000 Yeah, because they don't want the cartels around.
01:46:06.000 The cartels have kidnapped them and killed some of them. 1.00
01:46:08.000 You know, they're armed to the fucking teeth down there. 1.00
01:46:11.000 It's crazy. 0.99
01:46:12.000 Like, when they moved there in the 1800s, there was really virtually very little difference between America and Mexico.
01:46:18.000 I mean, there was differences.
01:46:19.000 You're just right across there.
01:46:20.000 Yeah, but it wasn't enough to warrant, you know, staying in America and having one wife.
01:46:25.000 They're like, what?
01:46:27.000 I'll just go there. 1.00
01:46:28.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00
01:46:29.000 You get all the same TV shows they do, which is none. 1.00
01:46:32.000 But if you have like nine wives, you gotta cut your eight wives loose. 1.00
01:46:35.000 You're like, ugh, I gotta pick one, you bitches. 1.00
01:46:37.000 And you know if you pick one, you're like, God damn, I picked the wrong one. 1.00
01:46:39.000 Fuck! 1.00
01:46:40.000 You know? 1.00
01:46:41.000 He'd always have regrets.
01:46:42.000 A year in, she's like, I don't want to blow you anymore.
01:46:44.000 What?
01:46:45.000 Oh, but Margaret. 0.98
01:46:47.000 And you start sending pigeon letters to those eight women that you cut loose. 0.97
01:46:51.000 Because back then, you know, you couldn't even fucking call them and say, oh, oh, you don't? 0.95
01:46:54.000 Oh yeah, let me make a phone call real quick. 0.98
01:46:57.000 Let me see if...
01:46:58.000 You couldn't even make a dial call.
01:47:01.000 Let me see if Jessica's still alive. 1.00
01:47:02.000 Yeah, you could get those little...
01:47:03.000 You could send Morse code.
01:47:06.000 Did they have that then?
01:47:07.000 They had Teletype.
01:47:09.000 What did they get?
01:47:10.000 Telegraph.
01:47:10.000 Yeah, Telegraph.
01:47:11.000 They had Morse code.
01:47:14.000 That's like military, though.
01:47:16.000 But they would send messages.
01:47:17.000 Remember?
01:47:18.000 Like those old West movies.
01:47:20.000 They're like...
01:47:20.000 The wire's coming in.
01:47:23.000 Someone could send a message.
01:47:25.000 Yeah, I don't know why I got so mad at TSA. It's illogical.
01:47:28.000 You just need to think it through instead of just reacting.
01:47:31.000 There was something distasteful to it when I saw it that day.
01:47:33.000 It was just distasteful.
01:47:35.000 Well, it certainly can be. 0.99
01:47:37.000 And if you run into someone who really is being a cunt, that's just a human issue. 0.98
01:47:42.000 If you run into some guy... 0.99
01:47:43.000 I mean, I've seen...
01:47:44.000 There was one time I saw this dude.
01:47:45.000 They were telling this lady that she had to get out of her wheelchair. 1.00
01:47:50.000 Yeah.
01:47:50.000 And she had to go through the scanner and this lady was really busted up.
01:47:54.000 Wheelchaired up.
01:47:54.000 She was really old and busted up.
01:47:56.000 And it was sad.
01:47:58.000 I was like, come on, man. 0.96
01:47:59.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00
01:48:00.000 You should be able to wheel that wheelchair in, scan it, make sure there's nothing in, and that lady should be able to stay in her fucking wheelchair. 1.00
01:48:07.000 She's 90 fucking years old. 1.00
01:48:08.000 I know what it was now about the liquids. 0.99
01:48:10.000 That they can have a bit slower process.
01:48:11.000 And so they can have people elect to go through there so they can take their perfume, their snow globe, whatever they bought.
01:48:16.000 They can go there, but it would be slower and it would take more work for them to Instance to that line, but they said no. 0.99
01:48:22.000 Well, yeah, that sounds like a pain in the dick. 0.99
01:48:24.000 I don't want to wait. 0.99
01:48:25.000 My flight will be delayed because you've got some Chanel No.
01:48:28.000 5 that Brad Pitt's pushing.
01:48:30.000 Well, they won't delay a flight for you.
01:48:31.000 I know that.
01:48:33.000 That sounds annoying.
01:48:35.000 Yeah, that sounds like it would slow the process down.
01:48:37.000 Yeah, you'd have to be one line on the side.
01:48:38.000 You'd go there voluntarily.
01:48:41.000 The real problem is there is going to be guys who want to blow up planes.
01:48:45.000 And I don't want them to be able to go on with a big flask of explosives strapped to their back that no one saw when they were going through the radar detector.
01:48:58.000 I wonder when planes became the most important thing.
01:49:01.000 Well, they thought about blowing up planes.
01:49:03.000 The United States was using that in Operation Northwoods as part of a false flag event.
01:49:08.000 They were going to blow up planes.
01:49:09.000 And they were going to blame it on the Cubans.
01:49:11.000 It's one of the things that people are scared of the most.
01:49:15.000 They're scared of plane flight.
01:49:16.000 They're scared of crashing.
01:49:18.000 So one of the best ways to instill terror in people is to add the fear of death, which everybody already has, and then add it to a fear of flying.
01:49:26.000 So that's why they don't crash at like a Super Bowl or a type of thing like that?
01:49:30.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:49:30.000 Why hasn't that happened?
01:49:31.000 Think about that.
01:49:32.000 Think about, I mean, if you really had like a nuke bomb or something like that, you really had something that you really want to scare the fuck out of people, and you know there's going to be 80,000 people in this town, and they're all going to come down to watch this one game...
01:49:45.000 Why wouldn't you drop it on them?
01:49:47.000 Are they going to start doing radar metal detectors for malls?
01:49:50.000 They probably should.
01:49:52.000 Yeah.
01:49:52.000 So every time somebody walks in, you should have someone...
01:49:54.000 They do it at movie theaters.
01:49:55.000 They do it at movie theaters?
01:49:56.000 A lot of movie theaters now.
01:49:57.000 They should do that, too.
01:49:58.000 In the bad neighborhoods.
01:49:59.000 You know, and I'm not saying that people who have been approved for concealed carry permits and security specialists and the like shouldn't be allowed to carry.
01:50:07.000 I think they should be allowed to carry.
01:50:08.000 I don't have a problem with people having guns. 0.94
01:50:10.000 I have a problem with crazy people.
01:50:12.000 With people, unlicensed people having guns. 0.87
01:50:13.000 You don't have to show your license.
01:50:14.000 I think we have a real issue with people not reporting and dealing with people who have serious mental issues, too. 0.96
01:50:21.000 Almost every one of these people that have done something really fucked up A lot of people saw it coming. 0.97
01:50:26.000 Almost everyone. 0.97
01:50:27.000 I saw a guy on the street that looked like newly homeless, some old man.
01:50:30.000 It looked like, oh, you just stopped taking your meds.
01:50:32.000 Like he saw the suit on, but it was like dingy, but not too dingy.
01:50:35.000 That's scary.
01:50:36.000 And just like, ah, just like trudging along.
01:50:39.000 Well, there are folks who they need something to keep them straight. 0.59
01:50:43.000 And when they're off that something, their reality becomes really distorted, especially when they're taking it and then they stop taking it because there's a withdrawal of Where your brain doesn't know what the fuck is going on and reality can get really slippery.
01:50:58.000 They said that 90% of school shootings came from people who were either on SSRIs or were off them and were suffering from withdrawal from them.
01:51:08.000 You know, that's a problem.
01:51:10.000 Say that again. 0.71
01:51:11.000 90% of all school shootings, 90%, either came from someone who was on antidepressants or was suffering through withdrawals from stopping taking them recently.
01:51:23.000 Those Columbine kids? 0.98
01:51:23.000 They were on them. 0.98
01:51:25.000 Phil Hartman's wife was on them.
01:51:27.000 Phil Hartman's wife was on Zoloft and cocaine. 0.60
01:51:30.000 I wonder if I'm on an SSRI or the other one.
01:51:33.000 I don't know.
01:51:34.000 You should probably find out. 0.53
01:51:35.000 Maybe that's making you wacky.
01:51:36.000 It could be, man.
01:51:37.000 You've been brodying. 0.62
01:51:39.000 I've been brodying.
01:51:39.000 No, it's just the TSA. It's the only time I get wild.
01:51:41.000 It was Starbucks.
01:51:42.000 Well, Brian and I had a conversation on that.
01:51:45.000 Brian and I had a conversation about it.
01:51:47.000 Brian was concerned about you.
01:51:49.000 And I said he was great with people all weekend.
01:51:51.000 He was super friendly and easy to get along with.
01:51:53.000 It's not like all of a sudden you were an angry person.
01:51:56.000 Yeah, I'm not mad in general.
01:51:56.000 Well, I've never seen that before because I was like, wait, I've been through the security.
01:51:59.000 It's a conscious decision.
01:52:00.000 It wasn't like a reaction.
01:52:02.000 It was like, let me make a decision here.
01:52:03.000 You've got to get off that one, man.
01:52:04.000 Then maybe I should.
01:52:05.000 Yeah, you should get off that one.
01:52:06.000 It's not good.
01:52:07.000 Did you see that Korean UFO footage?
01:52:09.000 That looks real.
01:52:10.000 That's one of the first.
01:52:12.000 Check this out.
01:52:12.000 Put it up.
01:52:13.000 Let's see it.
01:52:14.000 This is so real look.
01:52:19.000 That's not even Korean. 1.00
01:52:20.000 They're making up noise right now.
01:52:21.000 Imagine if we found that out.
01:52:22.000 Look, right here.
01:52:23.000 Watch. 1.00
01:52:26.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00
01:52:33.000 I knew it was going to be something not a UFO. I just said no one was. 1.00
01:52:36.000 I thought it was going to be super fake or something.
01:52:37.000 I did not want to watch that.
01:52:39.000 Don't do that.
01:52:41.000 Don't do that ever again, okay?
01:52:42.000 For real.
01:52:43.000 Isn't that scary?
01:52:44.000 It was scary, but I don't want you doing that ever again.
01:52:46.000 I don't like that.
01:52:47.000 Doing what? 1.00
01:52:47.000 I think that shit's stupid. 1.00
01:52:48.000 Faking me and making me watch horrific things where I know somebody died. 1.00
01:52:51.000 It was that UFO footage.
01:52:52.000 I don't want to watch that, Brian.
01:52:55.000 That's not a UFO. Don't do that.
01:52:58.000 I definitely knew it was not going to be a UFO. I've been around Brian long enough to know that.
01:53:01.000 Look, man, there's certain people who don't want to watch a certain amount of things. 0.99
01:53:06.000 There's certain shit that is unpleasant, and that's one of those things that's really unpleasant. 0.99
01:53:10.000 You just watch somebody die. 1.00
01:53:11.000 That scared the fuck out of me. 0.93
01:53:12.000 Yeah, I've seen a bunch of those.
01:53:14.000 They're terrifying.
01:53:15.000 And you know what?
01:53:15.000 If you looked at that, and you said, oh man, just driving, we should stop driving.
01:53:20.000 You're not going to stop driving.
01:53:22.000 You're going to keep driving.
01:53:23.000 It's an unfortunate aberration that happens once every X amount of passages of vehicles.
01:53:30.000 There's going to be fuck-ups. 0.99
01:53:31.000 And more so now than ever because people are fucking texting. 0.99
01:53:34.000 There's a Sprint app, apparently, that keeps you from texting while your car's in motion. 0.99
01:53:38.000 I don't know what it is.
01:53:39.000 I think it's awesome.
01:53:40.000 It seems like it's a good idea. 0.98
01:53:42.000 It's a fucking great idea. 0.97
01:53:42.000 When you get in your car, your car is Bluetooth. 0.97
01:53:46.000 If you get in your car, I think on modern cars, your car is Bluetooth, you should recognize that you're in a car, and it should kill your fucking texting. 0.99
01:53:51.000 Yeah, but unless you're a passenger. 0.99
01:53:52.000 That should be mandatory.
01:53:53.000 Put it to your passenger, yeah. 1.00
01:53:54.000 The passenger can suck his dick. 1.00
01:53:56.000 Who cares? 1.00
01:53:57.000 It's not worth it.
01:53:59.000 It's not worth it.
01:54:00.000 I mean...
01:54:01.000 It's just not worth it. 0.88
01:54:02.000 People are too crazy. 1.00
01:54:03.000 I saw a guy driving on the fucking 405 with no hands. 1.00
01:54:07.000 He was texting. 1.00
01:54:08.000 Oh yeah.
01:54:09.000 Texting with both hands while he was flying down the 405. And we were watching him.
01:54:14.000 Almost everyone does it.
01:54:16.000 That's what the studies have shown.
01:54:17.000 Not me.
01:54:17.000 Almost everyone does it and almost everyone who does it looks down on people who do it.
01:54:22.000 What studies of these?
01:54:24.000 That's crazy.
01:54:25.000 Yeah.
01:54:25.000 I might look at something at a red light and type something out before the light turns green real quick.
01:54:29.000 But I do this.
01:54:30.000 Every time the light turns green, I throw it on my passenger seat.
01:54:33.000 Every time.
01:54:35.000 Yeah, it's not worth it.
01:54:37.000 It's not.
01:54:38.000 I can make phone calls with the little button thing on my phone.
01:54:41.000 It's great.
01:54:42.000 I press a button on my console.
01:54:44.000 I don't have to take my eyes off of anything.
01:54:46.000 I can press this button on my steering wheel that has a little phone icon.
01:54:52.000 I press it.
01:54:53.000 And I say, call Ari Shafir. 0.57
01:54:55.000 Yeah, iPhones do that.
01:54:56.000 No, on my steering wheel.
01:54:57.000 Oh. 0.99
01:54:58.000 So I don't have to do shit. 1.00
01:54:59.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:55:00.000 So as I'm driving, I press the steering wheel.
01:55:01.000 I go, call Ari Shafir.
01:55:03.000 That's cool.
01:55:03.000 It just calls you.
01:55:04.000 So I don't take my eyes off.
01:55:06.000 I don't have to look at my phone.
01:55:07.000 I have to press that button.
01:55:08.000 If you have the earphones in, you just have to, like, touch the thing.
01:55:11.000 Yeah, that's cool, too.
01:55:12.000 Yeah.
01:55:12.000 Yeah, that's nice.
01:55:13.000 That's helpful.
01:55:14.000 You can also text people that way.
01:55:16.000 Yeah, you can.
01:55:18.000 Text Jason Tebow.
01:55:19.000 Text Ralphs.
01:55:21.000 No, don't text Ralphs.
01:55:23.000 Text Jason Tebow.
01:55:25.000 Text Mom!
01:55:27.000 Yeah, sometimes they're ridiculously off.
01:55:30.000 Text Thibault.
01:55:32.000 You know what my favorite thing is?
01:55:34.000 What?
01:55:35.000 The Shazam app.
01:55:36.000 The ability to listen to music and tell you what the song is.
01:55:39.000 That's incredible.
01:55:41.000 I mean, that seems like it's impossible.
01:55:43.000 I use it all the time.
01:55:44.000 It seems impossible. 0.94
01:55:45.000 Have you heard sex with your friends yet? 0.96
01:55:47.000 What's that? 0.97
01:55:47.000 Jamie was telling me about it. 0.97
01:55:48.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:55:49.000 It's a plug-in that you put on your Facebook and you go through your friends list and you go, I would fuck you. 1.00
01:55:55.000 Oh, I would not fuck you. 1.00
01:55:56.000 Like, you just go through, like, if you would have sex with somebody. 1.00
01:55:59.000 Yeah. 0.74
01:55:59.000 And then they... 0.74
01:56:00.000 Put the plug in on their Facebook and they can go through to see all the guys that would fuck her. 1.00
01:56:04.000 So it's a way to go, hey, I would fuck her. 1.00
01:56:05.000 Isn't it also like a friends with benefits thing? 1.00
01:56:08.000 Like the idea is that... 1.00
01:56:09.000 You need to find somebody that you have in common and you both fuck each other. 0.99
01:56:12.000 The idea is that you're not trying to get a relationship. 1.00
01:56:13.000 You're just trying to hook up.
01:56:14.000 Who wants to hook up? 1.00
01:56:15.000 Yeah, who wants to hook up? 1.00
01:56:16.000 And no one else can see it.
01:56:19.000 But the people that agree.
01:56:20.000 Yeah.
01:56:21.000 What if someone's trolling you?
01:56:23.000 Then we'll find out.
01:56:24.000 Almost every time I bring a girl back to wherever I'm going, there's this thought like, is this a troll? 0.99
01:56:31.000 Are you about to be like, ah, loser, you thought I'd sleep with you? 0.97
01:56:36.000 Almost every time a thought goes through my head. 1.00
01:56:38.000 You have like a little insecurity.
01:56:39.000 Oh yeah.
01:56:40.000 Deep downside.
01:56:41.000 Oh yeah.
01:56:41.000 Isn't it the greatest thing though when a girl's really into it though?
01:56:44.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:56:44.000 When you meet someone, you're fucking getting along. 0.97
01:56:47.000 You're great. 0.99
01:56:48.000 You're at dinner having a laugh.
01:56:50.000 Ha ha ha ha ha. 0.99
01:56:51.000 When you get back to your place, I'm like, holy shit, it's gonna happen. 1.00
01:56:54.000 The first time it ever happens, the first time you're making out and you, she grabs your cock and you're like, oh my god, she's into it. 1.00
01:57:02.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:57:02.000 Isn't that wonderful? 0.99
01:57:03.000 That's one of the greatest things about being alive.
01:57:05.000 Yeah, it's a pretty magical feeling.
01:57:07.000 You're right.
01:57:07.000 It's about as good as it gets.
01:57:08.000 It's the problem.
01:57:09.000 People say, well, why would people leave their wife of 30 years?
01:57:16.000 New fresh. 1.00
01:57:17.000 That fucking pull is strong. 1.00
01:57:20.000 Jupiter's got a hell of a gravity, but it can't fuck with pussy. 1.00
01:57:25.000 The pull that Jupiter has ain't shit compared to pussy. 1.00
01:57:29.000 Pussy will make you derail your whole life. 1.00
01:57:32.000 Pussy made the president stick his cock into a fat girl's mouth. 1.00
01:57:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:57:36.000 A little girl just hoping she'll keep it shut. 1.00
01:57:38.000 I was talking to this with a buddy of mine that he thought about some friend of his, some chick friend of his, and he goes, no, we definitely should not fuck. 0.99
01:57:45.000 That's a good friend of mine for a long time. 0.95
01:57:47.000 And then he's like, you're there, and I see you have a chance, and you're like, oh, maybe...
01:57:51.000 This time I'll go for it.
01:57:52.000 He had to trust his sober self.
01:57:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:57:54.000 The non-drunk with pussy self. 0.99
01:57:56.000 Like, no, you've already thought about this. 0.99
01:57:57.000 You're not in your right mind right now.
01:58:00.000 That drunk dude is not listening.
01:58:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:58:04.000 That drunk fuck, that part of you. 1.00
01:58:06.000 Once you have the pussy inside your head, it's tough to do anything. 1.00
01:58:10.000 Once it's there, this could really happen. 1.00
01:58:13.000 And it's also like, genetically you're wired to not just pursue, but to achieve copulation.
01:58:21.000 It's like, it's the goal.
01:58:22.000 It's the goal that your DNA is like, that's a girl, that's a girl, that's a girl, that's a girl.
01:58:28.000 She's right there.
01:58:29.000 She's supposed to react to it. 1.00
01:58:29.000 She's hugging you, and she seems to have tits. 1.00
01:58:32.000 There's an ass, oh my god, let's get in there. 1.00
01:58:35.000 And then the next thing you know, you're like, I can't believe I'm doing this. 0.99
01:58:38.000 Oh my goodness.
01:58:40.000 It's just, we're so restrictive in our culture and the way we look at it.
01:58:45.000 It was really fascinating having that guy, Christopher Ryan, on the podcast, the guy who wrote Sex at Dawn.
01:58:51.000 We talked about our ideas of sexuality, a lot of them are confusing because our idea of promiscuous, we look at people that are in non-monogamous relationships as being promiscuous. 0.90
01:59:07.000 So if you think of promiscuous, you think of, especially with girls, you think of someone who goes out and fucks a lot of guys and has shallow relationships, woo! 0.98
01:59:16.000 That's not the original meaning of promiscuous. 0.74
01:59:18.000 The original meaning is based on Latin or whatever, the word for mixed.
01:59:23.000 And the idea was that people in small tribes of like 50 people would have sexual relationships with more than one person.
01:59:30.000 But they knew these people very well.
01:59:33.000 Their whole life they knew these people.
01:59:35.000 So it wasn't that they were just having random sex with strangers because no one ever does that in those tribes. 0.97
01:59:41.000 You don't meet someone in another tribe because they might kill you and eat you. 0.53
01:59:45.000 Because if you ran into another tribe and they weren't your people, they could be the enemy. 0.99
01:59:50.000 I mean, they're not going to treat you the way you would go to Finland today, hop on a plane, land, and get your shit and go to an airport. 0.99
01:59:58.000 And nobody knows you. 0.99
02:00:00.000 You're not from there.
02:00:01.000 But they're like, hello, may I help you?
02:00:02.000 And you're like, yeah, how you doing? 1.00
02:00:05.000 They would just beat the fuck out of you and kill you. 0.99
02:00:08.000 When people would run into people that they didn't know, they automatically assumed these people were up to no good. 0.99
02:00:12.000 So there was very little promiscuity in that sense in early man.
02:00:16.000 How many school shooters have there been?
02:00:18.000 It's been quite a few.
02:00:19.000 And by the way, they go way back to like the 1930s.
02:00:22.000 Really?
02:00:22.000 Yeah, they go back even before that, I believe.
02:00:25.000 Okay, let's find out.
02:00:26.000 We should know.
02:00:27.000 Earliest school shooting.
02:00:29.000 Wow.
02:00:30.000 Yeah, the government has been using school shootings for reasons since the 1930s.
02:00:36.000 The first school shooting was in Canada.
02:00:38.000 Yeah.
02:00:39.000 What?
02:00:40.000 Wait a minute.
02:00:41.000 No, hold on a second.
02:00:42.000 Oh my god.
02:00:42.000 Older than America.
02:00:43.000 Took place in 1764. What, some dude just shot like a kid or a teacher or something?
02:00:49.000 Someone shot a Pennsylvania teacher in front of the class.
02:00:53.000 Yeah.
02:00:55.000 1764. So this was before America was like officially America.
02:00:58.000 I somehow don't count that as a school shooting.
02:01:00.000 Well, the first assassination in school.
02:01:03.000 I mean, that's just the first one they're counting.
02:01:05.000 When the kids start getting killed, is more what I'm thinking about.
02:01:09.000 Yeah, well, that was Columbine, I think.
02:01:11.000 That was the first one?
02:01:12.000 Wasn't it?
02:01:13.000 No, because, like, wasn't the, someone, some sniper?
02:01:18.000 Oh, the tower?
02:01:20.000 Dayton, Ohio.
02:01:21.000 No, no, no.
02:01:21.000 Kent, Ohio.
02:01:22.000 Kent State was the National Guard.
02:01:25.000 Yeah.
02:01:26.000 That was the actual, the government was shooting protesters.
02:01:30.000 The riot.
02:01:31.000 Yeah, there's been a lot, man.
02:01:34.000 Okay, Columbia, South Carolina.
02:01:37.000 A boy armed with a gun killed one of his schoolmates and severely wounded several others, presumably firing upon them in retaliation for bullying.
02:01:46.000 He expressed no regret for his deed.
02:01:49.000 This was 1890. Wow.
02:01:52.000 Alright, well that counts.
02:01:53.000 That's exactly what we're talking about.
02:01:54.000 Yeah, 1890. That kid was not on SSRIs, right?
02:01:58.000 No.
02:01:59.000 You know what, man? 1.00
02:01:59.000 Bullying makes you depressed as fuck, though. 1.00
02:02:02.000 There's no way out from under it. 1.00
02:02:03.000 Plus your experience is so limited as a young child that you think this is what my life is going to be like forever.
02:02:08.000 It's horrific.
02:02:09.000 And the people who are doing it, they get caught up in a pattern of doing it.
02:02:13.000 They need to be checked as well.
02:02:16.000 In 1891, a 70-year-old man fired a shotgun at students in a school playground in Newburgh, New York.
02:02:22.000 In 1946, a 15-year-old student was shot in the basement of a Brooklyn school by seven thugs.
02:02:28.000 School shootings are not a new phenomenon.
02:02:33.000 So how do they have 90% of people who aren't SSRIs?
02:02:36.000 When do they come in, SSRIs? 1.00
02:02:41.000 I don't know.
02:02:45.000 Let's look that up.
02:02:46.000 School shootings and SSRIs. 0.89
02:02:48.000 Let's look that up.
02:02:49.000 They said 90%.
02:02:51.000 Maybe that accounts for 90%. 0.77
02:02:52.000 Maybe as soon as the SSRIs kicked in. 0.64
02:02:55.000 Canada just released new money and they...
02:02:57.000 They melt in the sun.
02:02:58.000 No, no.
02:02:59.000 But the paper...
02:03:00.000 Or the...
02:03:00.000 What is it?
02:03:01.000 The maple leaf is their national whatever.
02:03:04.000 I don't know.
02:03:05.000 Leaf.
02:03:05.000 Yeah.
02:03:05.000 And they've got the wrong leaf.
02:03:07.000 They printed the wrong leaf on it.
02:03:08.000 No way.
02:03:08.000 They put a marijuana leaf on it?
02:03:10.000 No.
02:03:10.000 That would be great.
02:03:11.000 It's like something crazy like Norwegian. 1.00
02:03:13.000 The wrong exact type.
02:03:14.000 Yeah.
02:03:14.000 I just took a picture of Maple Leaf.
02:03:15.000 There's also an argument with the SSRIs that it's not the cause and that it's just a symptom of the fact that these people were depressed in the first place.
02:03:23.000 And there's so many doctors that are willing to prescribe you these things and not necessarily caused by SSRIs.
02:03:29.000 That is an argument. 0.98
02:03:31.000 The only problem with that argument is that one of the very effects of antidepressants is the fact that you can just deal with shit easier. 0.96
02:03:38.000 It makes things easier to deal with. 0.91
02:03:40.000 It lessens their impact on you.
02:03:42.000 It makes them feel less real.
02:03:45.000 It makes you feel less real. 0.99
02:03:46.000 It's fucking blasting people. 0.99
02:03:48.000 Over 66 school shootings involved SSRI drugs. 1.00
02:03:52.000 66 school shootings?
02:03:54.000 That's a lot.
02:03:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:03:58.000 It's pretty scary shit, man. 1.00
02:03:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:04:00.000 You know, the real thing is, what's really scary is the amount of people that are medicated in this country and the lack of information we have about the long-term effects of some of this medication.
02:04:10.000 Because no one has been on antidepressants for 80 years.
02:04:13.000 No one's been on their whole life.
02:04:14.000 No one even knows if you can do that.
02:04:17.000 If you've got 80 years, start seeing symptoms.
02:04:20.000 Yeah.
02:04:20.000 That's not bad.
02:04:21.000 I guess.
02:04:23.000 I don't think anybody's really doing it, though.
02:04:25.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:04:25.000 I mean, how long have they been around?
02:04:29.000 Definitely 80s.
02:04:30.000 Yeah.
02:04:31.000 I don't know about before that.
02:04:32.000 8.0 earthquake in Indonesia right now, and there's a huge tsunami.
02:04:36.000 Really?
02:04:36.000 Oh, God.
02:04:37.000 Hey, if you're stuck in Indonesia, get my special, Passive Aggressive. 0.99
02:04:41.000 Yeah, if the power goes out.
02:04:42.000 Before the power goes out, use the solar power to download.
02:04:47.000 Download it for just $4.99 right now.
02:04:49.000 Yeah, I'm looking at these shootings.
02:04:53.000 It's pretty scary when you go over all the different ones. 1.00
02:04:58.000 What's going on, no doubt about it, is that there's too many fucking people. 0.99
02:05:04.000 No doubt about that. 0.98
02:05:05.000 So you're going to have anomalies over more of them.
02:05:07.000 We've lost our value.
02:05:10.000 There's so many of us that we've lost our value, we've lost our uniqueness, we've lost our value.
02:05:17.000 We're not worth as much. 0.97
02:05:18.000 And people get stuck into a school system and someone's not paying attention and someone allows that person to get victimized and become a horrific monster because they get bullied and they get fucked with. 0.96
02:05:31.000 That is the case a lot of the time, man. 0.99
02:05:33.000 That is the case a lot of the fucking time. 0.98
02:05:36.000 And that's someone who doesn't feel like they have any value and they want to unleash that feeling of lack of value on other people. 0.99
02:05:43.000 And they want to do something horrible because they feel terrible themselves.
02:05:47.000 We have to figure out a way to, even though we are in a community of 300 million people, we have to reinstall the ideas of community, of being nice to each other.
02:05:58.000 That's why I want those people to be captured alive.
02:06:00.000 I want to be able to talk to them and say, the shooters, school shooters, and be like, what's going through your head beforehand?
02:06:05.000 This guy was.
02:06:06.000 What type of...
02:06:07.000 Was he really?
02:06:08.000 Was he?
02:06:10.000 Newtown?
02:06:10.000 Which last shooter was...
02:06:12.000 No, Newtown, he's dead.
02:06:14.000 Oh, the Colorado guy is alive.
02:06:16.000 Columbine?
02:06:17.000 No, the movie theater guy.
02:06:18.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:06:19.000 Yeah, the movie theater guy's alive.
02:06:20.000 Oh yeah, what's he saying?
02:06:22.000 I don't know.
02:06:24.000 The school shooter in Connecticut's dead though, right?
02:06:26.000 Yeah.
02:06:26.000 Did he kill himself?
02:06:27.000 I think he killed himself.
02:06:31.000 The Colorado kids tried to kill himself while in the jail, but has the new kid, did they kill him?
02:06:38.000 I think he might have killed himself, but I don't know.
02:06:40.000 Should we look that up?
02:06:42.000 Because there was something I remember recently of like...
02:06:44.000 Why do all these people kill themselves?
02:06:47.000 They say that once they get engaged by someone who has a gun... 0.82
02:06:52.000 Yeah, they'll kill themselves.
02:06:54.000 They just want to inflict damage or something?
02:06:55.000 It's weird.
02:06:57.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
02:06:58.000 I don't know if this guy's alive or not.
02:07:02.000 I don't know if he's dead.
02:07:04.000 I think he's gone.
02:07:05.000 We would have heard about him, right?
02:07:07.000 I don't know.
02:07:07.000 Newtown shooter.
02:07:08.000 I wrote Newtown shooter dead.
02:07:10.000 And nothing came up?
02:07:11.000 No.
02:07:12.000 Newtown shooter is a cause of death.
02:07:14.000 I bet they'll say gunshot wound self-inflicted to the temple.
02:07:21.000 What, Brian?
02:07:22.000 Nothing.
02:07:23.000 Did you have fun in Vegas?
02:07:25.000 No.
02:07:26.000 You went hard.
02:07:27.000 Yeah.
02:07:28.000 Okay, his name is Adam Lanza, right?
02:07:30.000 Adam Lanza.
02:07:32.000 Yeah, you went hard.
02:07:34.000 Yeah.
02:07:35.000 Yeah, he went way hard this weekend.
02:07:39.000 Your last drink?
02:07:39.000 Brian peed on his own pillow.
02:07:40.000 Oh, yeah!
02:07:41.000 Did you already talk about that?
02:07:43.000 Well, I kind of touched on it yesterday.
02:07:46.000 What I don't understand is why it was wet and I still laid on it for a good hour.
02:07:51.000 Like, I woke up like, why is this wet?
02:07:53.000 Dude, I woke up in the La Jolla condo once and there was barf on the sheets right next to me.
02:07:59.000 And I was so sure that someone had done that from the week before, I just hadn't seen it when I went to sleep, that I called.
02:08:04.000 I was like, who was in the condo?
02:08:06.000 And they were like, Whitney.
02:08:07.000 And I was like, Whitney, did you barf in the bed?
02:08:08.000 She goes, no, I didn't even actually stay there.
02:08:10.000 I think KT stayed there.
02:08:10.000 I just went home.
02:08:11.000 I was like, KT, did you barf in the bed?
02:08:13.000 He goes, no.
02:08:14.000 What do you mean?
02:08:14.000 I really didn't even drink or anything.
02:08:15.000 And I was like, motherfucker, I barfed in the bed and didn't know. 1.00
02:08:20.000 Goddammit, that's dangerous. 1.00
02:08:21.000 You could have died in your sleep. 0.93
02:08:23.000 Absolutely. 0.93
02:08:24.000 This guy killed himself.
02:08:25.000 He did.
02:08:26.000 Yeah, the Newtown. 0.97
02:08:27.000 As soon as the first responders arrived, he blew his brains out.
02:08:29.000 Man, I'd like to hear his...
02:08:30.000 The guy in Colorado didn't, though.
02:08:33.000 That guy's alive still. 0.99
02:08:34.000 He's supposed to be batshit crazy. 0.94
02:08:36.000 Not even have any sort of semblance of... 0.95
02:08:38.000 I believe he was medicated and who knows what he's on now.
02:08:42.000 And then the experience of being in isolated, solitary confinement like that for long periods of time, you know?
02:08:52.000 There's something that really breaks in a person's brain when they remove them from human interaction. 0.98
02:08:58.000 It's fucking really dangerous. 0.93
02:09:00.000 They say that solitary confinement is one of the worst tortures you can give somebody. 0.99
02:09:05.000 Yeah, that Bradley Manning kid. 1.00
02:09:07.000 He's kind of fucked because of that. 1.00
02:09:09.000 He's not going to ever recover. 1.00
02:09:10.000 Probably not.
02:09:11.000 He's probably broken.
02:09:11.000 Are they going to execute him?
02:09:12.000 No.
02:09:13.000 Are they going to put him in jail for life?
02:09:14.000 I bet they would like to just disappear, make him disappear.
02:09:18.000 But too many people are aware of him.
02:09:20.000 There's all these campaigns and all over online, Twitter followers and Twitter accounts dedicated to him.
02:09:27.000 And even if he dies now, they'll be like, no way did he die naturally.
02:09:29.000 Well, he's going through some sort of illegal process right now.
02:09:33.000 Yeah, like try me already?
02:09:35.000 Yeah, and I think they're actually responding to the idea that maybe what they did to him was cruel and inhuman.
02:09:43.000 Payback.
02:09:43.000 Yeah.
02:09:44.000 It's kind of fucking crazy because all the guy did was let everybody know that the government did some really shady shit. 0.99
02:09:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:09:51.000 And this guy is being treated like he's a mass murderer. 1.00
02:09:54.000 People who have killed people get better treatment than this guy.
02:09:58.000 Yeah.
02:09:59.000 People who have murdered people with their bare hands give better treatment than this guy who thought he's being a patriot.
02:10:05.000 And, you know, the real issue that people have to come to grips with is part of the idea of liberty is that you're defending yourself against enemies both foreign and domestic.
02:10:16.000 Yeah.
02:10:16.000 Which means what?
02:10:22.000 I mean, it is.
02:10:23.000 If it's secretive and you can hide the information from the public, but if the public saw that information they would be aghast and horrified, well that information is stopping them from evaluating the actual landscape.
02:10:38.000 The actual landscape that they're playing on, the actual rules of the game, the actual board in front of them, because they don't really see that.
02:10:45.000 And by removing the information that's involved in war, by removing the bodies, the real video footage, then you remove access to more of the truth that would help people decide whether or not they support that or not support that.
02:11:02.000 That just by itself, that lack of information, that Withholding of information is...
02:11:08.000 Yeah, it's their decision saying the public doesn't need this.
02:11:11.000 It's a security issue.
02:11:12.000 Yeah, and it's contrary to the ideas of freedom.
02:11:15.000 Yeah, you're right.
02:11:15.000 It is.
02:11:16.000 Yeah, the idea that...
02:11:17.000 Also, the idea that if we're informed and then we can debate on this, we can decide what we all want.
02:11:23.000 Instead, we're being led...
02:11:24.000 And one of the ways they're leading us is by withholding information.
02:11:27.000 But also at the same time they can't let covert operations people let stuff out.
02:11:33.000 But that's why WikiLeaks didn't do any of that.
02:11:35.000 WikiLeaks responded the way real journalism is supposed to work.
02:11:39.000 They didn't release anybody's name who had already been compromised.
02:11:43.000 They didn't put anybody's life in jeopardy. 0.99
02:11:45.000 What they did was they released video footage that showed A fucking Apache helicopter shooting down whatever the fuck those rounds were. 0.99
02:11:55.000 Just ripping people apart that turned out to be reporters. 0.99
02:11:58.000 The fact that they won't let you show bodies coming home.
02:12:06.000 Yeah, that was during the Bush administration they stopped that.
02:12:09.000 Photographing coffins.
02:12:10.000 Because we want morale up.
02:12:11.000 Because Life Magazine could show the actual magnitude of those coffins. 0.85
02:12:16.000 You would freak the fuck out. 0.98
02:12:17.000 We should be allowed to freak the fuck out. 0.98
02:12:20.000 Yeah, but that would make you squeamish about the war. 0.93
02:12:23.000 Listen, we've already started this.
02:12:25.000 We've got to get things done.
02:12:26.000 The best way to get things done is to keep the American public in the dark.
02:12:30.000 The best way to get things done is to have no one die.
02:12:33.000 Yeah, but that's not going to happen because nobody wants to just give up their oil, son.
02:12:37.000 Yeah, so then we have to see the price we're paying.
02:12:38.000 Those things bother your ears when you have them on for a long time.
02:12:40.000 Yeah, they're a little tight and you'll wear them for a long time.
02:12:44.000 We might have to switch to something a little more.
02:12:49.000 They're great headphones, though.
02:12:50.000 It seems like after about two hours, I start getting, like, my ears feel like...
02:12:54.000 I have glasses, too.
02:12:56.000 Oh, that's probably what it is.
02:12:57.000 Maybe we should just put them on and do a podcast until our ears bother us, and that'll be the way we stop podcasts.
02:13:03.000 Yeah, that's a good idea.
02:13:04.000 I just feel like this podcast was so negative in the beginning.
02:13:07.000 I know.
02:13:08.000 Let's talk about poop.
02:13:09.000 Alright.
02:13:09.000 That's not interesting.
02:13:11.000 Let's talk about my special.
02:13:12.000 Can we talk about that for a minute?
02:13:13.000 Sure.
02:13:14.000 Well, the fact that we're all, and you are too, doing these self-release specials.
02:13:17.000 Yeah.
02:13:18.000 What do you think of all that?
02:13:19.000 It's beautiful.
02:13:20.000 I mean obviously I'm a big fan of releasing content on the internet.
02:13:23.000 This whole podcast has changed all of our lives.
02:13:27.000 Not just my life.
02:13:29.000 It's changed Joey's life, Duncan's life, your life, Bert's life, Brian's life, everybody's life.
02:13:34.000 It's a new thing and the ability to release things online like that, it's amazing.
02:13:40.000 I don't think there's a better way to get something directly to your fans.
02:13:47.000 The only issue is I think that something like Comedy Central is awesome for getting you new fans.
02:13:53.000 Getting the word out, yeah.
02:13:54.000 Yeah, like you put a special out, but I think you could probably wind up selling your content to Comedy Central as well.
02:14:00.000 Yeah, I think it's the ideal.
02:14:00.000 You do it yourself and then you sell it to your fans and six, eight months later, a year later, then you put it on our network and then say, okay, anybody new wants to check this out.
02:14:07.000 Yeah.
02:14:08.000 By all means.
02:14:08.000 Yeah.
02:14:08.000 But the real thing is that you should own it.
02:14:11.000 Right.
02:14:12.000 That's why you own it.
02:14:13.000 Yeah.
02:14:13.000 So you decide what gets done with it.
02:14:14.000 Yeah.
02:14:14.000 And if Comedy Central wants to cuddle up to all hell and say we're going to air it this way, you can be like, nah.
02:14:19.000 Yeah.
02:14:20.000 Nah, don't do that.
02:14:21.000 Yeah.
02:14:21.000 And you can always have it available in its full unadulterated form on your website.
02:14:28.000 And if some fan wants to get it six years from now.
02:14:30.000 Yeah.
02:14:31.000 They can just get it instead of having to wait for a network to air it again.
02:14:34.000 Yeah, and I love that it's only five bucks.
02:14:35.000 Five bucks is perfect.
02:14:37.000 You get a couple different downloads.
02:14:38.000 You get to stream it.
02:14:40.000 It's super easy.
02:14:41.000 It's half the price of a movie.
02:14:41.000 Yeah, super easy.
02:14:43.000 And it's good.
02:14:44.000 And the thing about these things is, too, I'm starting to treat it like an art project.
02:14:50.000 And I get excited for it.
02:14:51.000 You get excited about building a new one.
02:14:53.000 I get excited about new subjects and new bits and putting things together.
02:14:57.000 And I'm excited about taking this hour I'm doing right now and tightening it up to perfect form.
02:15:03.000 Putting screwdrivers into it. 0.98
02:15:04.000 I'm going to release this new bitch in July, I think. 1.00
02:15:07.000 That's when you're going to tape something? 0.99
02:15:07.000 Yeah, I think so. 0.99
02:15:08.000 I think that's like 15 months.
02:15:14.000 The great way about this too is that you can do it on your own schedule.
02:15:17.000 So you don't have to be like, oh, I get some network today instead of saying now.
02:15:20.000 I mean, after your first special did so great on Comedy Central, you wanted to do one like a year and a half later.
02:15:27.000 Yeah, they didn't want me doing one a year later.
02:15:29.000 They wanted to wait.
02:15:29.000 They wanted to wait three years.
02:15:31.000 And you were like, but I'm ready.
02:15:32.000 Yeah.
02:15:32.000 And you don't have to wait on anybody else's schedule.
02:15:34.000 Well, I think I understand it from their point of view.
02:15:36.000 They only have so many hours in a week, and why should they put out another one of my specials?
02:15:41.000 Even if it's good, why are they doing that?
02:15:43.000 Maybe if I had one of their shows, like if I was on a Comedy Central show, it would help cross-promote.
02:15:49.000 But I don't, so it doesn't really help them.
02:15:52.000 Yeah, you have this other dissemination vehicle.
02:15:54.000 But that would be cool too.
02:15:55.000 I'll do a couple of these on my own, and then a year later I'll go to Comedy Central and say, hey, you know, you guys want to do another one?
02:16:01.000 And then maybe I could do one there, and then I'll do it both ways.
02:16:04.000 Do yours on your own too, and then give it to them later.
02:16:06.000 Yeah, or do it on my own and sell it to them.
02:16:08.000 Or HBO or wherever.
02:16:10.000 Everybody wants content. 0.99
02:16:11.000 It's a beautiful thing to be able to put out shit online like that. 0.99
02:16:16.000 Look at you. 0.99
02:16:16.000 You wore a nice shirt and everything. 0.99
02:16:18.000 It's a button-down.
02:16:19.000 It's a nice version of me.
02:16:20.000 Don't play any of this material, man.
02:16:22.000 You'll ruin it for everyone.
02:16:23.000 It's just the trailer.
02:16:26.000 The best thing about it, and I don't know how much you did stuff on TV before, but nobody tells you what to say.
02:16:34.000 Oh, yeah.
02:16:34.000 I love that.
02:16:35.000 Well, you know what?
02:16:36.000 That happened to me with Talking Monkeys in Space, too.
02:16:38.000 Really?
02:16:39.000 Yeah, because I was under the Zufa umbrella. 0.99
02:16:41.000 And so they told you?
02:16:42.000 I did it all through the UFC. We produced it.
02:16:45.000 So you were allowed to do whatever you wanted.
02:16:46.000 Yeah, because it was on Spike.
02:16:48.000 It was on Spike TV. And, you know, back when the UFC was dominating Spike TV. They were Spike.
02:16:54.000 Yeah, I mean Spike was like, they were like our good friends, and you know, it was really easy to do a special with them.
02:17:01.000 They had already seen me do stand-up a hundred times, because when we would do these shows, Spike guys would come to the fights.
02:17:10.000 So it was super easy.
02:17:13.000 Yeah, that's cool.
02:17:15.000 Yeah.
02:17:15.000 I was stoked about it.
02:17:16.000 Yeah.
02:17:17.000 It was really easy to do that.
02:17:19.000 So the Spike thing, we also did, it like aired after a UFC. So that was awesome.
02:17:26.000 Oh yeah, so it followed.
02:17:27.000 Yeah, it followed UFC. It's like the perfect follow.
02:17:28.000 Yeah, it was massive.
02:17:29.000 Good idea.
02:17:30.000 Like that show with that weigh-ins.
02:17:31.000 Yeah, it was like 1.7 million people watched or something.
02:17:33.000 Wow.
02:17:34.000 Yeah.
02:17:35.000 Did you see a bump in turnout after that?
02:17:38.000 Oh, yeah.
02:17:38.000 Yeah, definitely.
02:17:39.000 Because a bunch of new people found out you were coming.
02:17:40.000 Yeah, because a lot of people just didn't even know if I was any good.
02:17:45.000 We've seen a lot of people that are on TV that do stand-up, and then you go see them, and you're like, oh, this is clunky, shitty stand-up.
02:17:51.000 A lot. 0.81
02:17:52.000 That I've been doing stand-up for that long.
02:17:54.000 A lot of people...
02:17:57.000 I could have been a beginner.
02:17:59.000 They weren't sure.
02:18:00.000 But I was lucky that I'd been doing it for long enough that it would actually make sense to go see and pay money for it.
02:18:09.000 If Jeff Probst was on a comic, he'd be like, what's this going to be like?
02:18:13.000 Well, maybe, but then you go see him if it was like...
02:18:16.000 The reason why I'm awkward with my words here is I'm trying to dance around the exposing...
02:18:22.000 I'm trying to be nice.
02:18:23.000 But I think as a stand-up comic, you need like 10 years.
02:18:30.000 You need 10 years until you're really a comic.
02:18:32.000 It takes at least that long, or close to it.
02:18:35.000 There's a range.
02:18:36.000 I'm sure some people are 6, some people are 15, but that's the average.
02:18:38.000 I could see that.
02:18:39.000 To be able to put out like an hour special, really 10 years is probably pretty smart. 0.99
02:18:43.000 It's probably a good amount of time to To get your shit together. 0.99
02:18:46.000 You told me this early on. 1.00
02:18:48.000 You're like, I don't do shit for my first three years. 0.99
02:18:50.000 All I do is Arnold. 0.99
02:18:51.000 That's the only thing that still lasted.
02:18:53.000 Just a quick saver joke.
02:18:54.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:18:55.000 But the rest is all gone.
02:18:57.000 So it's like you're just learning ability.
02:18:58.000 Yeah, you're learning how to get laughs.
02:19:01.000 Pull the mic.
02:19:03.000 It's really important for young guys.
02:19:04.000 I always tell people those clunky jokes.
02:19:07.000 Everybody has an act where, I mean, not everybody, but a lot of comics, they have an act where they have a couple killer bits, and they have a few bits that are just left over from the old days.
02:19:18.000 I'm like, you've got to get rid of those.
02:19:19.000 Those are no good.
02:19:21.000 They're dangerous. 0.93
02:19:22.000 They're dangerous because when you have a really shitty joke, That shitty joke is an echo of your lack of proficiency in the early parts of your career. 0.93
02:19:31.000 And you're sort of repeating that echo. 0.85
02:19:33.000 Why do you still have this?
02:19:34.000 You've got to abandon that.
02:19:35.000 You've got to abandon that and sort of fill in that time with your new perceptions.
02:19:41.000 Fill in that time with your new... 0.98
02:19:42.000 So if you have some old shit that's still stuck in there because it's like a tool that you're used to using... 0.96
02:19:46.000 That's why I like this special year, year and a half. 0.97
02:19:49.000 It's almost like, hey, this is what I'm going through in 2012. Yeah.
02:19:53.000 That's special.
02:19:54.000 I'm passive-aggressive.
02:19:54.000 That's what was happening in my life in 2012. How much did it force you to actually sit down and write things?
02:20:00.000 Because I know you actually got an office.
02:20:02.000 Yeah, well, I use the office a lot.
02:20:04.000 I use it sometimes.
02:20:05.000 And I stuck around the road a lot, and then I just couldn't use it as much.
02:20:07.000 Right.
02:20:08.000 Back for two days or whatever, and I wouldn't go over there.
02:20:10.000 So you stopped using it?
02:20:11.000 Yeah, but what it made me really do is be real cognizant of not wasting a comedy store set.
02:20:17.000 Not just like, I'll just run some lines I've already done before.
02:20:21.000 It's like work on something.
02:20:22.000 What are you doing here?
02:20:24.000 Because you've got to build five minutes this month.
02:20:26.000 You've got to have five minutes this month.
02:20:27.000 So where are you going?
02:20:31.000 So I kept that marker in line.
02:20:33.000 Because you can get so complacent so easily.
02:20:35.000 Like, hey, I'm doing fine.
02:20:36.000 I'm doing fine.
02:20:36.000 And then all of a sudden, three years pass and you're still doing the same material.
02:20:39.000 Yeah, easily.
02:20:40.000 You know?
02:20:40.000 It goes a month and two months, then years.
02:20:42.000 And then there you are.
02:20:43.000 Yeah, when you force yourself to.
02:20:44.000 And George Carlin, I mean, everybody really owes it to him.
02:20:47.000 Yeah.
02:20:47.000 He was the only guy that ever was doing that.
02:20:49.000 He was doing it every year.
02:20:51.000 That's amazing.
02:20:52.000 It's amazing.
02:20:53.000 But why not?
02:20:54.000 Why not go through it?
02:20:55.000 Like, Picasso had his blue period, you know?
02:20:57.000 It's like you'll see the development of a person as a human through their material.
02:21:00.000 Yeah.
02:21:01.000 Well, what you've got to realize at a certain point in time is that you are the only person who can put out Ari Shafir material.
02:21:09.000 So if someone's an Ari Shafir fan, you're the only way that they can get that experience.
02:21:15.000 If they enjoy watching you and they go, oh, I saw Ari Shafir and the way he made me feel, boy, I became a fan. 0.95
02:21:23.000 You know, when you become a fan of somebody, it's like you want more fucking content from that person.
02:21:29.000 And the reality is, if you go to see a guy, and you go to see him six years later, and he's doing the same act in the same order, you're not going to be a fan anymore.
02:21:38.000 In the same order?
02:21:39.000 We've all seen it ten years.
02:21:40.000 So regimented.
02:21:41.000 I don't want to say any names again, but I was watching this Showtime thing, or mine might have been Showtime, one of those networks.
02:21:49.000 And it was stand-up comedy. 0.99
02:21:50.000 And it was a guy that I knew on it, and I'm like, this motherfucker did not just do that bit. 0.99
02:21:54.000 He was doing that bit 15 years ago. 0.97
02:21:58.000 Showtime needs to get better specials.
02:22:00.000 They need to invest in a better type of comedy. 1.00
02:22:02.000 But they have such good fucking shows! 1.00
02:22:04.000 They have such good shows! 1.00
02:22:06.000 Weeds and California Caves, they have cool shows. 0.99
02:22:08.000 So why are there specials, dog shit? 0.98
02:22:10.000 Because there's got to be a different guy in charge of that. 1.00
02:22:11.000 But they're not all dog shit. 0.99
02:22:12.000 They put Stan Hopes on. 1.00
02:22:14.000 They put mine on too.
02:22:16.000 They put my 2005 one on.
02:22:18.000 Really? 0.99
02:22:18.000 I just want to tell you, it wasn't dog shit. 0.99
02:22:20.000 No, you're right. 0.99
02:22:20.000 It's pretty sweet. 0.99
02:22:21.000 But just a lot of what they put on.
02:22:22.000 I just want to tell you right now.
02:22:24.000 A lot of what they put on is so bad.
02:22:25.000 Didn't they put Cat Williams on?
02:22:26.000 Did they put Cat Williams on?
02:22:28.000 I don't know.
02:22:29.000 Or is it Catpocalypse?
02:22:29.000 Or is that HBO? Yeah, I think so.
02:22:31.000 No, I think it was Showtime.
02:22:31.000 Was it Showtime?
02:22:32.000 I think it was Showtime.
02:22:33.000 All those, the Greeks of comedy and the theme shows that Scott Montoya puts out or whatever.
02:22:42.000 That stuff should never make it to the air.
02:22:45.000 They should be illegal.
02:22:46.000 Those theme shows.
02:22:48.000 Hey, we're all Chinese. 1.00
02:22:49.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00
02:22:51.000 Get the fuck out of here, you assholes. 1.00
02:22:53.000 Hey, we're all from Spain. 1.00
02:22:56.000 Fuck you. 1.00
02:22:57.000 Yeah, they tried to get me to do the all-guinea shows they used to do at a store. 1.00
02:23:02.000 I was like, bitch, are you crazy? 1.00
02:23:04.000 Night of a Thousand Guidos? 1.00
02:23:05.000 Yeah, first of all, my last name's Irish.
02:23:08.000 Only three quarters Italian. 0.99
02:23:10.000 And second of all, I'm not sharing the stage with these cunt bags just because we all have Mediterranean origins. 0.99
02:23:17.000 They all end up doing the same jokes. 0.99
02:23:19.000 Yeah.
02:23:19.000 Because it has to be about all the Arabs or all the...
02:23:22.000 So they all end up telling, well, I'll do an Arab accent with my mom.
02:23:25.000 Get it out of the way.
02:23:26.000 Get it out of the way. 1.00
02:23:27.000 And then Tripoli goes on to those shows and is like, I'm just going to talk about fucking chicks and cars. 1.00
02:23:31.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:23:31.000 And they're like, what? 0.99
02:23:32.000 What?
02:23:33.000 He's so much different.
02:23:36.000 Tripoli.
02:23:36.000 I love that guy.
02:23:38.000 He's so silly. 0.99
02:23:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:23:39.000 Hey, have you heard about this UCB stuff? 0.99
02:23:41.000 What?
02:23:42.000 What's going on?
02:23:42.000 The paying, no paying?
02:23:43.000 Oh, no.
02:23:44.000 What's happening?
02:23:45.000 Well, I am three quarters of the way through that book about the comedy store strike in 79. Yeah, tell me about that book.
02:23:51.000 What is it called?
02:23:51.000 It's amazing.
02:23:53.000 Not the day the laughter died.
02:23:55.000 It was...
02:23:56.000 I'm dying up here?
02:23:59.000 Yeah.
02:23:59.000 Is that what it was?
02:24:00.000 I think so.
02:24:01.000 I'm dying up here.
02:24:01.000 Yeah, it was just about a guy who was embedded with them, a journalist who was embedded with them.
02:24:05.000 Yeah.
02:24:05.000 I thought the 40 comics that were around at the time and how they started getting pissed that a lot of them couldn't afford food.
02:24:12.000 Yeah, that was an interesting story.
02:24:14.000 Tom Driessen was only a Laugh Factory now, I guess, but he was making like a few hundred grand a year.
02:24:20.000 They showed up where people came from, too.
02:24:22.000 He came from Chicago, I think, working clubs there, so he got to the store, got in, making a few hundred grand a year, and then they all did a New Year's show.
02:24:29.000 Two sold-out shows in the OR, maybe one in the main room, and this kid, one of them, who was on that New Year's show, They all went to Cannes late at night every night, and he was like, hey, can I borrow $5 for an omelet?
02:24:39.000 I don't have any money.
02:24:40.000 And he was like, yeah, yeah, no problem. 1.00
02:24:41.000 But then he was like, fuck. 1.00
02:24:42.000 How can you not afford an omelet? 1.00
02:24:45.000 That doesn't make any sense.
02:24:46.000 You just did a sold-out New Year's show.
02:24:48.000 But the comics weren't getting paid anything.
02:24:50.000 The waitresses got paid.
02:24:52.000 The people who cleaned the toilets got paid.
02:24:54.000 The comics didn't get paid anything.
02:24:56.000 And at UCB right now, it's coming out.
02:24:58.000 It's like, they're not paying anything.
02:25:00.000 They're packed every night and they're charging $5 cover charges and the comics don't get anything.
02:25:05.000 They don't get anything.
02:25:06.000 Yeah.
02:25:07.000 Why don't they get anything?
02:25:09.000 I've heard one stance is like, well, it's a showcase.
02:25:11.000 It's really a popular club and if you don't like performing here, same thing as other reasons.
02:25:15.000 It's not a good reason.
02:25:16.000 If you don't like performing here, then don't perform.
02:25:18.000 If you don't like the exposure you're getting.
02:25:20.000 But it's like, yes, I am getting exposure.
02:25:21.000 Exposure you're getting.
02:25:23.000 You're selling.
02:25:24.000 Yeah, but you're selling comedy.
02:25:26.000 But it's like, I would get that exposure if you charge zero.
02:25:29.000 So the fact that you're charging five shouldn't.
02:25:31.000 And how about, don't you like that these awesome comics, that Zach Galifianakis will show up at your club?
02:25:36.000 Don't you like that?
02:25:38.000 You get something out of that, so give them 20 bucks.
02:25:41.000 Yeah, it's a totally unfair way to look at it, the idea that you're getting exposure so you should work for free.
02:25:47.000 And that the club is not getting anything.
02:25:48.000 Yeah, well that was the store's argument.
02:25:50.000 The store's argument was always that the store is the star and that you should be happy that you're performing at the store.
02:25:56.000 I had this conversation with him about that once.
02:25:58.000 I go, you guys have a box with a microphone in it.
02:26:01.000 And you know what you sell?
02:26:02.000 You sell what we think up.
02:26:03.000 That's what you sell.
02:26:04.000 And if we're not there and we're not performing, guess what?
02:26:07.000 You have no show. 0.99
02:26:08.000 And no one's going to buy your fucking $20 Heinekens. 1.00
02:26:11.000 Because that's not how it works. 1.00
02:26:13.000 That's not how it works.
02:26:15.000 You're confused.
02:26:16.000 No one's going there and saying, oh my god, this is amazing.
02:26:19.000 Unless you're giving tours of the place.
02:26:20.000 Well, if you're giving tours of the place, that's the only value.
02:26:24.000 Don't kick any of that back.
02:26:25.000 The value is in the history of the place.
02:26:27.000 That's it.
02:26:27.000 But when you have shows, no one's going there because it's this awesome old place.
02:26:34.000 They're going there because it's this awesome old place that has fucking comedy. 0.91
02:26:38.000 And the deal is, it's like no one's saying, no comics are saying we want all the money. 0.96
02:26:42.000 Because the club does offer you something.
02:26:44.000 It offers you that box.
02:26:45.000 It does, and it offers you a workout.
02:26:47.000 But it's a mutually beneficial agreement.
02:26:49.000 So there's some level of split, and it shouldn't be zero.
02:26:51.000 It shouldn't be zero. 0.91
02:26:52.000 No, it's ridiculous.
02:26:53.000 I mean, I didn't mind it being zero when I was making a lot of money on TV shows, and I was working out there.
02:26:59.000 It's your choice to keep my money.
02:27:00.000 But it was my choice to help promote the club and keep it going, because I realized, as a comic, I need a place like that, and we all need it.
02:27:08.000 It helps.
02:27:09.000 As long as that place was open and we could go on stage, it was good for all of us.
02:27:15.000 So I felt like it's what you should do is do you realize they weren't making millions of dollars.
02:27:21.000 They were struggling.
02:27:21.000 So I'm like, well, I'll help.
02:27:23.000 I'll help because I like it.
02:27:24.000 Yeah, they were barely staying in business.
02:27:26.000 So I'm like, I'll help because I can.
02:27:28.000 So it was the right thing to do.
02:27:30.000 But the wrong thing to do is to think that you owe them that.
02:27:34.000 And that somehow or another you should work for free.
02:27:36.000 And that somehow or another you're getting exposure.
02:27:39.000 Your whole thing is selling comedy.
02:27:42.000 Well they said also it was a workout at the time in the store.
02:27:44.000 Not the UCB, but at the time in the store they said that's a workout room.
02:27:47.000 They don't want it to be about you're paid for comedy so you have to feel like you have to do something.
02:27:51.000 But then they should put it in Pasadena.
02:27:53.000 Well, but then they said that this, they said, um, Boosler, Elaine Boosler, who was like the one girl comic at the time, was, uh, which I gotta watch some of her old stuff, because the way they make her seem in this book, like she was like pretty legit.
02:28:04.000 She was legit, yeah.
02:28:05.000 And I don't really know any of her material.
02:28:07.000 She was legit.
02:28:07.000 It's a different time, but yeah, she was definitely legit.
02:28:10.000 But she said, she said, well, wait a minute.
02:28:12.000 I've heard Mitzi say no to somebody because they were too experimental. 1.00
02:28:15.000 So how can somebody be too experimental and also be a workout club?
02:28:18.000 Well, worse off than that, I mean, it's not a workout club because it was constantly visited by agents and managers.
02:28:26.000 They said no one would dare try new material there. 0.98
02:28:27.000 Yeah, you didn't really work out because if you ate dick up there, that could be the time that someone saw you and you would bomb. 0.97
02:28:33.000 Whereas if you go to a place like Pasadena, you could try out some shit out there because most likely it's 20 minutes outside of L.A. You wouldn't get agents or Irvine or something like that. 0.96
02:28:42.000 Now it's actually the exact opposite.
02:28:44.000 And one of the most invaluable tools I have is Tuesdays and Wednesdays at the Comedy Store.
02:28:47.000 You don't even have Tom and the talent coordinator there.
02:28:50.000 It's early in the week, so nobody really cares.
02:28:52.000 And it's like full impunity to bomb with full impunity.
02:28:56.000 You can just go.
02:28:57.000 You can just be bad.
02:28:58.000 Not that you're trying to be, but there's no stakes for failing. 1.00
02:29:01.000 So it allows you to try some shit. 0.99
02:29:03.000 And it's empty. 1.00
02:29:04.000 Yeah.
02:29:04.000 There might be 15 people there.
02:29:07.000 So it's like, I'm going to work on some things right now. 0.89
02:29:09.000 By the way, that's ridiculous.
02:29:11.000 There's 20 million people in LA and they can only get 15. That is some of the most incompetent shit in the history of the universe. 1.00
02:29:18.000 The way they run that fucking place. 1.00
02:29:20.000 The improv's a little better. 1.00
02:29:21.000 The improv's a bringer show every night.
02:29:22.000 Listen, it's a lot of them.
02:29:24.000 It's a lot of them.
02:29:24.000 But even on the bringer shows, the improv, they'll still get a crowd.
02:29:27.000 They surprise me sometimes on Tuesdays, Wednesdays.
02:29:29.000 The last few years have been a lot better.
02:29:31.000 We could organize.
02:29:32.000 I mean, I think we do it every time we do shows at the Ice House.
02:29:36.000 We pack the Ice House on a Wednesday night at 10 p.m.
02:29:39.000 show and we have 200 people stuffed into that place. 0.85
02:29:42.000 We do it all the time.
02:29:43.000 If we organized and had a place where everybody worked out at a regular basis and And split the revenue with the comedians.
02:29:56.000 Figure out a weird...
02:29:57.000 Revenue, a GM, and a split, yeah.
02:29:59.000 Yeah, just figure out, okay, how much does it cost to keep open?
02:30:03.000 Let's set that aside.
02:30:04.000 It costs this much to buy food, so let's set this aside.
02:30:08.000 And then let's figure out how much profit there is and then let's split it all.
02:30:12.000 Let's figure out a way to make it legit where, you know, the comics, it benefits them to work there.
02:30:18.000 That'd be a full utopia.
02:30:19.000 Yeah, I think that's possible.
02:30:21.000 I think an artist's utopia is possible.
02:30:23.000 So much competition to get into a club like that.
02:30:26.000 Yeah.
02:30:27.000 Well, there's already competition now.
02:30:28.000 I mean, I've had people, there was a dude who waited in line at the fucking Ice House, waited in line, you know, because I always take pictures with people afterwards. 0.60
02:30:35.000 A guy who was a comic waited in line to the very end.
02:30:37.000 I told you, and he asked me how he gets on the show.
02:30:39.000 I'm like, get out.
02:30:41.000 You don't.
02:30:41.000 You gotta be my friend.
02:30:42.000 I don't know you.
02:30:43.000 Some dude has just started to do comedy.
02:30:45.000 You can't just get in here.
02:30:47.000 These are sold out shows and there's seven of us.
02:30:50.000 You're dealing with Greg Fitzsimmons, Brian Cowan, you, Joey Diaz. 0.95
02:30:53.000 They're murderers. 0.86
02:30:55.000 Murderer after murderer. 1.00
02:30:56.000 You can't just slide in there with your shitty five minutes on donuts and cops. 1.00
02:31:01.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.97
02:31:02.000 I want to be on.
02:31:03.000 But all they see is themselves.
02:31:04.000 Like, but I want it.
02:31:05.000 Right.
02:31:06.000 Like, I know, but that's not enough.
02:31:07.000 Would you remember that feeling, man? 1.00
02:31:08.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 0.99
02:31:09.000 Yeah, you remember that feeling when you just, you were so delusional, you just wanted to get on stage. 1.00
02:31:13.000 I'm good enough.
02:31:13.000 I'm good enough.
02:31:14.000 Why can't I get on?
02:31:14.000 Because it's got nothing to do with that right now.
02:31:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:31:17.000 And some of them you talk to and you just know they suck a dick. 1.00
02:31:19.000 Peter Chen used to do that. 1.00
02:31:20.000 He used to complain about not getting on stage.
02:31:21.000 He goes, but I've been there for 10 years.
02:31:24.000 I was like, but Bob Oshak doesn't get spots either.
02:31:26.000 He goes, but he only been there 8 years.
02:31:27.000 I've been there 10 years.
02:31:28.000 So me...
02:31:29.000 And I'm like, oh, you're missing the point. 0.87
02:31:30.000 You're talking about a crazy person, though.
02:31:31.000 You are missing the point.
02:31:32.000 Peter Chen was the only guy that I actually hosted open mic night.
02:31:37.000 To keep Peter Chen from hosting it one night.
02:31:40.000 Because Maguire was hosting it.
02:31:41.000 Yeah, because my friend Chris Maguire was going to audition for Mitzi.
02:31:45.000 Head writer of the burn.
02:31:46.000 And I knew that if this guy was hosting it, I'm like, Maguire's going to have no chance.
02:31:53.000 Because there's going to be no show.
02:31:54.000 It's going to be just death.
02:31:55.000 He's such a terrible, terrible comedian that if he was hosting it, there's no way he would generate any laughs.
02:32:01.000 It would set the tone for the entire night. 0.56
02:32:03.000 No one would be having fun.
02:32:04.000 It wouldn't be good.
02:32:05.000 So at the height of Fear Factor, Joe Rogan hosted the open mic at 7pm.
02:32:13.000 Brought up all the open micers, all the employees.
02:32:16.000 It was pretty rad for us. 0.98
02:32:18.000 As an employee, we're like, fucking Joe Rogan is hosting tonight! 1.00
02:32:21.000 What the fuck? 0.99
02:32:21.000 It was fun to do, and it worked. 0.99
02:32:23.000 Chris got passed.
02:32:25.000 He never got any spots, though.
02:32:27.000 It was one of those things where he wanted to just hang out and call in.
02:32:30.000 You pass them, and then they don't really use them.
02:32:33.000 You know how it is in the store.
02:32:34.000 The store wants you there.
02:32:35.000 You've got to hang out.
02:32:36.000 You've got to be a part of the furniture.
02:32:38.000 Dude, I used to love that.
02:32:40.000 When you hung out on employee nights on Sunday or Monday.
02:32:43.000 I loved it, too.
02:32:44.000 I used to love hanging out there.
02:32:46.000 We'd do a night where everyone would try to do each other's material.
02:32:49.000 All the employees would do it.
02:32:50.000 We'd have to pick out of a hat.
02:32:52.000 Potluck to see who you get.
02:32:53.000 And I remember you watching and just laughing.
02:32:56.000 That was fun. 1.00
02:32:57.000 Those are fun shit. 0.99
02:32:58.000 Yeah, I remember... 1.00
02:32:59.000 What the fuck is his name? 0.96
02:33:00.000 The dude who was really funny who doesn't do comedy anymore. 0.99
02:33:03.000 Pete Carpenter.
02:33:03.000 Jim Painter.
02:33:05.000 Yeah.
02:33:05.000 Painter.
02:33:05.000 Yeah.
02:33:06.000 He stopped doing comedy.
02:33:07.000 Yeah.
02:33:08.000 Man, he's another one where I was like, man, this guy's funny, man.
02:33:11.000 He was legit.
02:33:12.000 He's going to make it.
02:33:14.000 He's solid.
02:33:15.000 I'm like, I can see this guy just crushing a tell style on the road.
02:33:19.000 And then for whatever reason, it's a very delicate thing that makes a comic...
02:33:25.000 Especially for a few years.
02:33:26.000 Figure out his way through.
02:33:27.000 You're not getting any validation.
02:33:29.000 That's the only reason you're doing it is for validation.
02:33:30.000 I always wonder, what is it about certain comedians that just really crack through?
02:33:38.000 And what is it about certain comedians?
02:33:39.000 I always talk about Reggie McFadden and how brilliant Reggie McFadden was in the 90s.
02:33:45.000 And then I ran into Kevin Hart the other day in my neighborhood, actually.
02:33:49.000 It's the first time I ever met him.
02:33:51.000 Super nice guy.
02:33:52.000 Yeah.
02:33:53.000 Super nice.
02:33:54.000 Super cool.
02:33:55.000 Super friendly.
02:33:56.000 Like, really genuine, like you could tell, like, right away.
02:33:59.000 Like, really cool guy.
02:34:00.000 Yeah, and he can't be any bigger than that guy.
02:34:02.000 Yeah.
02:34:03.000 He's like Dane Cook was when he was at his peak.
02:34:06.000 That's where Kevin Hart is right now.
02:34:07.000 Maybe even a little bigger.
02:34:08.000 Yeah.
02:34:09.000 Possibly.
02:34:10.000 Yeah.
02:34:10.000 Pyrotectics.
02:34:11.000 Yeah.
02:34:12.000 Maybe even a little bigger because he's doing comedy movies.
02:34:14.000 Like, they're doing movies of his stand-up.
02:34:16.000 And he's doing legit movies that are actually funny. 1.00
02:34:19.000 Whereas Dane Cook's movies were all dog shit. 1.00
02:34:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:34:22.000 He just did dog shit movie after dog shit movie. 1.00
02:34:24.000 I mean, I think he did like... 1.00
02:34:26.000 He played a serial killer once that was probably pretty good.
02:34:28.000 Kevin Costner movie.
02:34:28.000 I heard it was pretty good.
02:34:29.000 I heard that too, but I don't know.
02:34:31.000 I didn't see it.
02:34:32.000 But I saw a couple of them that were like...
02:34:34.000 It was almost like the aliens were trying to replicate human beings.
02:34:40.000 Yeah, for the Matrix.
02:34:41.000 It was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which, by the way, I watched the other day.
02:34:44.000 That's scary.
02:34:44.000 I watched two versions.
02:34:46.000 I watched one of them from the 1950s, which was really weird.
02:34:50.000 Yeah. 0.76
02:34:51.000 And then I watched the other one from 1978 with Donald Sutherland, which was fucking awesome. 0.86
02:34:56.000 Really? 0.92
02:34:57.000 It was really good.
02:34:58.000 It totally holds up.
02:34:59.000 Yeah.
02:35:00.000 Do you remember it?
02:35:00.000 Yeah.
02:35:01.000 Yeah.
02:35:02.000 It really holds up.
02:35:04.000 Really?
02:35:04.000 That's cool.
02:35:05.000 Some of those 70s horror movies, because it's so grainy that it lends itself, since it's old, to be more legit, as opposed to a special effects movie that makes it less legit.
02:35:14.000 Well, I watched it with Mrs. Rogan, and we were like, wow, this is really interesting.
02:35:18.000 It's such a different style of film, like the way they did.
02:35:21.000 Jeff Goldblum is in it.
02:35:23.000 I forgot Jeff Goldblum is in it.
02:35:24.000 Yeah, he's so young and skinny.
02:35:26.000 It's really weird.
02:35:27.000 He's like a pencil.
02:35:28.000 It's weird.
02:35:28.000 I like seeing those guys that were stars for, you know, a billion years.
02:35:31.000 And you see them when they started.
02:35:33.000 Yeah.
02:35:33.000 Like they go from Sex and the City when she was in L.A. Story.
02:35:36.000 Yeah.
02:35:36.000 The Force Face one.
02:35:37.000 Yeah.
02:35:37.000 And you're like, how is she famous?
02:35:38.000 You see them in their first roles, you're like, oh, I get it. 0.99
02:35:40.000 When you were a young, fucking rambunctious 26-year-old and you looked fucking great. 0.99
02:35:45.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:35:45.000 You know, you're like, I totally get it now. 0.99
02:35:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:35:48.000 Well, Kim Cattrall, the slut in the Sex and the City, when she was young, she was unbelievably hot. 1.00
02:35:54.000 She was still pretty hot at 50. Ew. 1.00
02:35:57.000 I fucked her at 54 and it was great. 1.00
02:36:00.000 Do you know anybody who did? 1.00
02:36:03.000 No, I know...
02:36:04.000 Maybe I should stop.
02:36:07.000 Well, you can just change the names to protect the innocent.
02:36:09.000 But then it wouldn't be as fun.
02:36:11.000 Well, tell me what you got going on.
02:36:12.000 I don't know what you're telling me.
02:36:13.000 Well, I know someone who boned like an 80s humongous star.
02:36:16.000 Really?
02:36:17.000 Yeah.
02:36:18.000 Okay.
02:36:19.000 Who's the star?
02:36:20.000 That's the problem.
02:36:21.000 I don't know if I should say even like that.
02:36:22.000 Why not?
02:36:23.000 She still comes around once in a while.
02:36:24.000 Oh, okay.
02:36:24.000 Don't say it.
02:36:25.000 Oh, I know who it is.
02:36:27.000 How big a star?
02:36:28.000 Pretty big.
02:36:30.000 Yeah, I'll tell you afterwards.
02:36:31.000 Okay. 0.98
02:36:32.000 Damn, this doesn't help the podcast. 0.99
02:36:33.000 I'll tell you who did it, though, and you can all pressure him into telling you. 0.98
02:36:35.000 Okay, who is it?
02:36:36.000 Nick Yusuf, at Nick, Y-O-U-S-S-E-F-F. I like Nick Yusuf.
02:36:41.000 Ask him who he's boned.
02:36:42.000 He's a good man.
02:36:42.000 Maybe he'll tell us.
02:36:43.000 Yeah, maybe.
02:36:44.000 But is he still hitting it?
02:36:45.000 Is that what it is?
02:36:45.000 No, no, it's been a long time.
02:36:46.000 It's been a long time.
02:36:47.000 But how old is this young gal now?
02:36:51.000 Ah.
02:36:52.000 Can we play a game?
02:36:53.000 Can we guess?
02:36:53.000 Can you give us some hints?
02:36:55.000 This is so wrong.
02:36:56.000 Hold on.
02:36:57.000 It's like, let me do the math in my head if I'm allowed to like...
02:36:59.000 She likes Reese's Pieces.
02:36:59.000 Because I know this means it's coming out if we do this.
02:37:01.000 So, hold on.
02:37:02.000 Let me think about this.
02:37:03.000 The math in your head of whether or not you can get in trouble?
02:37:05.000 Yeah, whether or not this is not cool or is okay.
02:37:08.000 Well, there's nothing wrong with a little sex unless...
02:37:11.000 That's an excellent point. 0.65
02:37:12.000 She's not supposed to do that. 1.00
02:37:13.000 Because it's totally cool on everybody's part?
02:37:15.000 I mean, it's not like...
02:37:16.000 Okay, let's play the guessing gear.
02:37:17.000 She likes Reese's Pieces.
02:37:19.000 I'm assuming yes.
02:37:21.000 I have no idea.
02:37:22.000 Let me get her Wikipedia page.
02:37:26.000 Does she have a lot of stuffed animals in her closet?
02:37:31.000 I don't know.
02:37:33.000 She's not my sister.
02:37:37.000 By the way, while we're on the way to doing this, I talked to you about...
02:37:41.000 She's 51 now.
02:37:42.000 Okay.
02:37:43.000 What does she do? 1.00
02:37:45.000 She's in a lot of music videos.
02:37:47.000 She's a singer. 1.00
02:37:48.000 Paul Abdul. 1.00
02:37:48.000 He fucked Paul Abdul. 1.00
02:37:49.000 Not a singer. 1.00
02:37:50.000 Did he fuck Paul Abdul? 0.99
02:37:51.000 No. 1.00
02:37:52.000 He wouldn't fuck a Jew. 1.00
02:37:53.000 Oh, Paul Abdul's a Jew? 1.00
02:37:55.000 She's the Syrian kind. 0.71
02:37:57.000 The good kind?
02:37:58.000 The hot kind.
02:37:58.000 What does that mean?
02:37:59.000 The hot kind.
02:37:59.000 They don't look...
02:38:00.000 Really?
02:38:01.000 Spartac Jews, they look more like Persian. 1.00
02:38:04.000 Like Israelis. 1.00
02:38:06.000 Israelis have a lot more Sephardic Jews.
02:38:08.000 But there's a lot of Ashkenazi Jews there.
02:38:09.000 But yeah, they're all intermingled.
02:38:11.000 Ashkenazi.
02:38:11.000 Did I even tell you what my dad did?
02:38:13.000 That's a hilarious word.
02:38:13.000 But somebody, since he's Ashkenazi, him and his friend put somebody in the hospital for dating his sister.
02:38:19.000 Some Sephardic guy.
02:38:21.000 Oh my God. 1.00
02:38:22.000 Because no fucking Sparty is going to date my sister. 1.00
02:38:26.000 What? 1.00
02:38:26.000 Him and his... 1.00
02:38:27.000 Wow.
02:38:28.000 Yeah, they beat somebody up. 1.00
02:38:29.000 Dad's a douchebag. 0.99
02:38:31.000 Yeah, I tell him now. 1.00
02:38:31.000 He's like, I know. 1.00
02:38:32.000 It was very stupid. 1.00
02:38:33.000 I get it. 1.00
02:38:34.000 I'm like, but you're both Jews. 1.00
02:38:35.000 He goes, I get it.
02:38:36.000 I know now.
02:38:37.000 I was 16. How am I supposed to know?
02:38:40.000 So there's a new thing called the Human Brain Project.
02:38:43.000 Check this out.
02:38:44.000 And they are putting together all the existing known knowledge about the human brain, and they're trying to reconstruct the brain piece by piece in a supercomputer-based model and simulation.
02:38:57.000 The project is actually the latest to be chosen by the European Commission to receive funding as a part of the FET flagship initiatives. 0.94
02:39:04.000 So the Cerebral Challenge will be headed up by Switzerland's Eco Polytechnique, whatever the fuck it is.
02:39:11.000 And it's estimated to cost 1.19 billion euros. 0.94
02:39:16.000 So what these guys are doing is they're essentially going to make an artificial brain.
02:39:22.000 Wow. 0.93
02:39:23.000 I mean, they're spending a fuckload of money. 0.91
02:39:27.000 How many euros? 0.90
02:39:29.000 1.19 billion euros.
02:39:33.000 That translates to dollars is 1.63 billion dollars.
02:39:40.000 More than one and a half billion.
02:39:43.000 What they're trying to do is they're going to advance robotics and It's really crazy.
02:39:51.000 It's a 10-year project that's a fifth of the time required to develop a space liner. 0.96
02:40:02.000 Whatever the fuck that means. 0.77
02:40:03.000 Oh, that's the other thing that they're trying to build. 0.97
02:40:04.000 It's a space liner.
02:40:07.000 Yeah, this is really crazy.
02:40:09.000 They're going to be able to go from Europe to Australia in 90 minutes.
02:40:13.000 Europe to Australia?
02:40:14.000 By going up?
02:40:15.000 Up in space, yeah.
02:40:17.000 What they're going to do is, the idea is you're going to be able to go supersonic speeds, and you're going to be able to do it just like the Concorde was doing it, but they're going to do it in space.
02:40:28.000 But how long would it take you just to get to space?
02:40:30.000 I don't know.
02:40:33.000 How does a space shuttle take forever to get to space, doesn't it?
02:40:36.000 Well, they're saying you're going to be able to go from Europe to Australia and down in just 90 minutes.
02:40:41.000 Wow, that would make the whole world so much smaller.
02:40:44.000 Yeah, they're 50 years out, they believe.
02:40:48.000 50?
02:40:48.000 Five years.
02:40:50.000 Five zero.
02:40:50.000 Yeah, it's going to take a long time.
02:40:51.000 I'm going to be dead.
02:40:53.000 No, you won't. 1.00
02:40:54.000 Hang in there, bitch. 1.00
02:40:55.000 They're going to go 150,000 miles an hour. 1.00
02:40:58.000 Stop and think about that.
02:41:00.000 150,000 miles an hour?
02:41:02.000 Uh-huh.
02:41:02.000 That means you can go back and forth across the United States.
02:41:06.000 Do you know how fast we go now when you get on a plane?
02:41:10.000 500. About 500. Yay!
02:41:12.000 That's right!
02:41:13.000 So stop and think about that.
02:41:14.000 500 to how much?
02:41:16.000 150,000 miles an hour.
02:41:19.000 150,000 miles an hour.
02:41:21.000 So if a plane right now would go twice as fast, you would still have to go 150 times faster than that.
02:41:26.000 The issue right now, apparently, the problem is creating a design that's capable of tolerating the heat generated at such speeds.
02:41:33.000 Oh yeah, friction from the air.
02:41:34.000 Yeah.
02:41:38.000 It's amazing.
02:41:39.000 How does...
02:41:40.000 And you know what?
02:41:41.000 People are still going to bitch about the seats. 1.00
02:41:43.000 Motherfucker, lean the seat back into me. 1.00
02:41:45.000 Going 150,000 miles an hour. 1.00
02:41:46.000 I can't use my fucking laptop. 1.00
02:41:49.000 Going 150,000 miles an hour. 1.00
02:41:50.000 I want to use a fucking laptop. 1.00
02:41:52.000 You fucking cocksucker. 1.00
02:41:54.000 I'll kick your seat. 1.00
02:41:55.000 Oh, the TSA wants to check me for bombs when I go 150,000 miles an hour?
02:41:59.000 How about let me wear my sneakers? 1.00
02:42:00.000 I got a medical condition, you fucks. 1.00
02:42:04.000 This is pretty crazy shit, man. 1.00
02:42:06.000 I mean, we're getting a glimpse at the future. 1.00
02:42:10.000 And when we say 50 years, we go, oh, that's so far away.
02:42:13.000 Is it really?
02:42:14.000 Think about 1960. 1960 was 50 years ago.
02:42:18.000 Well, they look at all these natural disasters, tsunamis and stuff, and people are like, oh, that's terrible, but shit happens or whatever. 0.86
02:42:23.000 And they're like, no, no, this happens every 80 years. 0.93
02:42:25.000 Yeah.
02:42:26.000 So all we do is we all die off and then the next generation comes in and we're like, oh, we could never see this happening.
02:42:30.000 It will continue to happen.
02:42:32.000 Yeah, they forget.
02:42:33.000 So quit building up the port or figure out a wall system.
02:42:35.000 Well, there's nothing you can do.
02:42:37.000 You have to choose to just roll the dice.
02:42:39.000 They're thinking of building these breakers.
02:42:41.000 Oh, out.
02:42:43.000 So it would cause some flight but nothing damaging at all.
02:42:47.000 I think that was the idea behind Atlantis.
02:42:49.000 And then it fell?
02:42:50.000 Yeah.
02:42:51.000 Well, the rising sea levels, too.
02:42:53.000 You know, sea levels change radically over time, especially with...
02:42:56.000 I mean, there's absolutely...
02:43:00.000 Some evidence that points to global warming in some way or shape being affected by human beings.
02:43:07.000 Absolutely.
02:43:08.000 But even if we didn't affect it, 10 minutes, even if we didn't affect it, the temperature of the Earth has varied throughout history greatly.
02:43:18.000 Yeah, it changes.
02:43:18.000 Like the dinosaurs...
02:43:19.000 The size of the universe opens and closes.
02:43:21.000 It does.
02:43:21.000 Like a balloon.
02:43:22.000 Well, whatever. 0.99
02:43:23.000 You know, the fucking sun's going to burn out and destroy us all anyway one day. 0.99
02:43:26.000 Five billion years from now, according to our pal Neil deGrasse Tyson. 0.99
02:43:30.000 Neil had some amazing Super Bowl quotes the other day.
02:43:34.000 While the people were... 0.97
02:43:35.000 Well, he was tweeting Super Bowl stuff, but it was like cool fucking science Super Bowl stuff. 0.96
02:43:41.000 I should pull some of them up because they were fucking awesome, man. 0.95
02:43:46.000 Let me find it. 0.86
02:43:47.000 What is he, N. Tyson on Twitter?
02:43:49.000 Neil Tyson on Twitter?
02:43:50.000 Neil Tyson.
02:43:51.000 And by the way, everybody, in North Carolina, I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina this weekend, so you guys don't get my special until I'm there.
02:44:00.000 Oh, why?
02:44:00.000 Is it the same material?
02:44:01.000 Well, I have like 20 different materials, 20, 25 different.
02:44:05.000 Yeah, it's hard, isn't it?
02:44:07.000 But they'll still be like...
02:44:08.000 25%. 0.99
02:44:09.000 I'm doing some gigs just to fuck around. 0.97
02:44:13.000 Specifically to work on new material. 0.97
02:44:15.000 I've got a few lined up.
02:44:16.000 Yeah, that's really smart.
02:44:17.000 Yeah, I'm doing Zany's in Nashville.
02:44:19.000 It's a nice small club.
02:44:21.000 I'm going to do that over a whole weekend.
02:44:23.000 This weekend, me, Brian, and Joey Diaz are going to be in West Palm Beach, Florida. 1.00
02:44:31.000 You fuckheads. 1.00
02:44:32.000 Giant room. 1.00
02:44:33.000 Yeah, it's giant.
02:44:34.000 Humongous.
02:44:34.000 It's awesome, though.
02:44:35.000 It's a great room.
02:44:36.000 And tickets are...
02:44:38.000 We're selling very fast.
02:44:39.000 It's almost sold out most of the show.
02:44:41.000 That'll be cool. 1.00
02:44:42.000 Get on that shit, freaks. 1.00
02:44:43.000 I like these markers you have that your draw is getting better. 1.00
02:44:46.000 Where you've returned to a place.
02:44:48.000 Like in Calgary, we did that Jack Singer hall.
02:44:50.000 And it was like we filled it up eventually.
02:44:51.000 We got it filled up the first time.
02:44:53.000 This time, two shows sold out in advance.
02:44:55.000 Yeah.
02:44:55.000 And it was like, wow, that's a clear sign of stuff getting better.
02:44:58.000 You just sold out Montreal in like 50 minutes, didn't you, or something like that?
02:45:01.000 I heard it's 150 seats.
02:45:03.000 It's a small club.
02:45:04.000 It's my friend Jimbo's club.
02:45:06.000 Because I was just there a couple months ago and I did a big theater.
02:45:11.000 I forget this dude.
02:45:12.000 Metropolis.
02:45:12.000 Metropolis, yeah.
02:45:13.000 A big-ass fucking place, like a couple thousand people. 0.99
02:45:16.000 So from that to this, I did Jimbo's place, because first of all, I love Jimbo. 0.99
02:45:22.000 I've been working for him.
02:45:24.000 That club goes off.
02:45:25.000 Yeah, it's a great little club.
02:45:26.000 80 people in a room that should seat 40. It's awesome.
02:45:30.000 It's just such a great experience.
02:45:32.000 It's great.
02:45:32.000 And it's going to be you and me, right?
02:45:34.000 Yeah.
02:45:34.000 We're doing it?
02:45:35.000 Yeah.
02:45:36.000 It's going to be such a good time.
02:45:37.000 It's going to be so fun.
02:45:38.000 And the place couldn't be cooler.
02:45:40.000 And the pub downstairs is amazing. 0.99
02:45:42.000 Everybody that works here is cool as fuck. 0.90
02:45:44.000 And a lot of the same guys that have been working there since the beginning of time. 0.98
02:45:47.000 So let me...
02:45:48.000 Oh, yeah, that bartender's really cool. 0.74
02:45:49.000 Some of the tweets that he wrote about...
02:45:56.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson wrote this.
02:45:57.000 If grid irons were timelines with the Big Bang at one goal and then...
02:46:03.000 From caveman to now would span the thickness of a single turf blade at the other goal.
02:46:10.000 Isn't that amazing?
02:46:11.000 Like, you would go from a big bang through the entire football field, and then from caveman to us would be one blade of grass.
02:46:21.000 Wow.
02:46:22.000 One tiny thing that you can't even see when you're above it.
02:46:24.000 That's a cool way of looking at it.
02:46:25.000 Looking at the Super Bowl. 1.00
02:46:27.000 He's cool as fuck. 0.99
02:46:28.000 We'll have to get him back in here again. 0.97
02:46:29.000 You should have him inconsistently.
02:46:31.000 Yeah, well, if we could.
02:46:32.000 I believe he's a New York resident. 0.91
02:46:34.000 But he's out here doing the new version of the Cosmos, which is going to be fucking amazing.
02:46:40.000 And he just hit a million Twitter followers.
02:46:42.000 So follow him.
02:46:43.000 It's Neil Tyson, N-E-I-L Tyson on Twitter.
02:46:46.000 And you can follow Ari Shafir. 1.00
02:46:47.000 And if you work for the TSA, you can give him a rash of shit. 1.00
02:46:50.000 No, no, don't TSA. I'm going to rethink this and I'm going to try to be calmer. 0.99
02:46:54.000 He's going to be calmer.
02:46:55.000 But you can get Revenge for the Holocaust. 0.94
02:46:57.000 This is the CD. It's available right now.
02:47:00.000 You can get them together.
02:47:00.000 They have these bundles.
02:47:01.000 So you can get a poster or the CD and the special all together.
02:47:04.000 Oh, beautiful. 0.98
02:47:05.000 So you get two hours of juicy fucking Ari Shafir material. 1.00
02:47:08.000 Go get some, you dirty fucks. 1.00
02:47:10.000 And if you want to see Juicy Red Band and Juicy Joey Coco Diaz, it's harder and harder to get Joey Coco Diaz to open for me, folks, because the dude is just blowing up. 0.99
02:47:20.000 We still don't know if he will even show up.
02:47:21.000 He's working a lot. 1.00
02:47:22.000 This podcast has done so much for all of us, but Joey is a fucking monster now. 0.99
02:47:29.000 He's really taking off like crazy. 0.98
02:47:30.000 Is that this coming weekend you're in West Palm?
02:47:31.000 Yeah, this coming weekend. 1.00
02:47:33.000 Can't wait, you fucks. 1.00
02:47:35.000 If you bought my special recently on JoeRogan.net, it will be 100% new material. 0.98
02:47:40.000 None of that material is on. 0.98
02:47:41.000 I already have an hour and 20 minutes of new shit. 0.99
02:47:44.000 Because I don't play, bitches, okay? 1.00
02:47:46.000 I got an isolation tank in my basement. 0.98
02:47:48.000 Your new stuff's really good, too.
02:47:49.000 Thanks, man.
02:47:50.000 I'm excited about it.
02:47:51.000 There's a couple.
02:47:53.000 That vegan bit's my favorite bit I've ever written.
02:47:56.000 My favorite is, you know, my favorite.
02:47:58.000 I'm so glad.
02:47:59.000 I'm so glad it's progressing.
02:48:00.000 You know, that is partly in thankful to you because you reminded me of that bit.
02:48:05.000 Oh, yeah.
02:48:06.000 You reminded me of that bit.
02:48:07.000 Actually, I've got to give you 100% credit because I probably would have forgotten it.
02:48:10.000 You wrote it.
02:48:11.000 Take some credit.
02:48:12.000 Okay.
02:48:13.000 Credit for its resurgence.
02:48:15.000 That's cool.
02:48:16.000 That makes you feel good.
02:48:16.000 But it's even better now.
02:48:18.000 Yeah, it is.
02:48:18.000 It's way better now.
02:48:19.000 It's wonderful. 1.00
02:48:20.000 The girl with no vagina? 1.00
02:48:24.000 Sorry, I'm going to give stuff away. 1.00
02:48:26.000 Folks, we're going to have some fucking fun. 0.80
02:48:29.000 Alright, and we will see you tomorrow night with our friend, the real Rick Ross. 0.98
02:48:33.000 Because the real Rick Ross is not a rapper.
02:48:35.000 We're good to go.
02:49:00.000 For selling cocaine during the Iran Contra scandal.
02:49:03.000 You know the Iranian Contra scandal?
02:49:05.000 You know how they were selling coke and they were using the money to fund the war of the Contras versus the Sandinistas?
02:49:15.000 That was Rick Ross.
02:49:17.000 What do you mean?
02:49:17.000 He's the one who sold the coke?
02:49:18.000 He was the one who was selling the coke on the streets in L.A. Yes, yes.
02:49:23.000 Fascinating guy.
02:49:23.000 So he would pay the government for coke and then sell it?
02:49:25.000 There was a middleman.
02:49:26.000 He didn't realize it at the time.
02:49:27.000 But it was his coke selling.
02:49:29.000 I mean, he was selling millions of dollars of coke.
02:49:31.000 He was like, where'd you get this?
02:49:32.000 It's good stuff.
02:49:32.000 He goes, I know.
02:49:33.000 Funding covert operations overseas.
02:49:36.000 He's a patriot, really.
02:49:38.000 In a way.
02:49:39.000 If you think we should have gone there.
02:49:40.000 He couldn't even read at the time.
02:49:41.000 It was amazing.
02:49:42.000 He was making millions of dollars and he couldn't read.
02:49:44.000 And went to jail and learned how to read and became a lawyer in jail.
02:49:46.000 He's a fascinating, fascinating guy.
02:49:48.000 He'll be on tomorrow. 0.97
02:49:49.000 All right, you dirty freaks. 1.00
02:49:50.000 Passive-aggressive. 0.99
02:49:51.000 Please go out and support Alternative Independent Comedy.
02:49:54.000 There will be no podcast.
02:49:55.000 I'm going out of town for the week. 0.99
02:49:57.000 I'm going to go to the fucking woods, my friend. 0.99
02:50:01.000 I'm going to find my space. 1.00
02:50:03.000 I'm going to go to Japan.
02:50:03.000 I'm going to meditate.
02:50:05.000 But what I'm not going to do is step foot inside this place.
02:50:07.000 I'm going to take a week off.
02:50:08.000 Really?
02:50:09.000 So I want you to take a week off and listen to all Ari's podcasts.
02:50:14.000 And then I want you to find him on Twitter and yell at him.
02:50:17.000 And tell him how awesome he is.
02:50:19.000 I have a sports podcast called Punch Drunk with Tripoli and Tebow.
02:50:22.000 And I have my regular podcast called Skeptic Tank. 1.00
02:50:24.000 Suck it! 1.00
02:50:26.000 Alright, we will see you dirty freaks tomorrow. 1.00
02:50:29.000 Thank you to audible.com. 0.90
02:50:32.000 Go to audible.com forward slash Joe and get yourself free 30 days and one free audio book.
02:50:39.000 Books will make you smarter.
02:50:40.000 Yes, they will, you freaks.
02:50:41.000 And thanks to onnit.com.
02:50:43.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name Rogan.
02:50:46.000 You will save yourself 10% off any and all supplemental products.
02:50:53.000 Alright, we'll see you freak soon. 0.98
02:50:54.000 And we love the shit out of you. 0.99
02:50:56.000 We love you more than we love yourself. 0.97
02:50:57.000 Thank you for coming out to see us. 1.00
02:50:58.000 Get it together, bitches. 1.00